Podcast appearances and mentions of jessica lahey

What if letting your kids fail is the greatest gift you can give them? In this empowering conversation, New York Times bestselling author and educator Jessica Lahey joins Allison to explore how failure builds resilience, why competence matters more than confidence, and what every parent should know about preventing addiction in kids. From her work in classrooms and adolescent rehabs to writing for The Atlantic and The New York Times, Jessica delivers research-backed wisdom for raising healthy, self-sufficient children in today's high-pressure world.In this episode, you'll learn:Why failure is essential to a child's developmentHow over-parenting sabotages confidence and motivationPractical strategies for raising kids with true competenceThe link between autonomy, brain development, and substance use preventionWhat kids really wish their parents knew (and how Jessica hears it firsthand)About Jessica Lahey:Jessica Lahey is the author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation, a celebrated educator, journalist, and speaker who has taught every grade from 6th to 12th, including in adolescent drug and alcohol rehab centers. Her work has appeared in The Washington Post, The New York Times, and The Atlantic. She's the co-host of the #AmWriting podcast, creator of over 400 educational videos, and a passionate advocate for parenting that prioritizes self-efficacy, resilience, and lifelong learning.Connect with Jessica:Website: www.jessicalahey.comSubstack: jessicalahey.substack.comBooks: The Gift of Failure | The Addiction InoculationPodcast: #AmWriting✨ Memorable Moments“You're not your brother. You're not your sister. And you're not your parents' do-over.”“Confidence is great—but competence is what truly equips kids to succeed.”“Kids are more invested in solutions they help create.”“Helping kids fail now prevents bigger failures later.”“Dopamine from mastery—not substances—is the goal.” Connect with AllisonInterested in working together? Fill out this form.www.instagram.com/allisonwalshwww.shebelievedbook.comwww.allisonwalshconsulting.comBuild Your Brand On Demand

ABOUT THE EPISODE:We're back with another episode of the ‘Cathy & Brenda Show', and this week we tackle a topic we see recurring in our community and the parents we work with…achievement-oriented parenting. As two recovering perfectionists ourselves, Cathy and I both share examples of what it looks like to be achievement-focused when your child (or children) struggle with substances and mental health. We talk about the tendency some of us have to want everything on the outside to look a certain way, even when that's doing damage to our kids, and how it can feel scary to apply self-compassion in fear of getting ‘weak' or ‘soft.'We discuss the internal battles many of us face about wishing our kids would just “get it together” and how the Invitation To Change approach can help us instead look at them with compassionate curiosity to understand their behavior instead of punishing it. We also tap into two of our favorite authors and researchers, Dr. Kristin Neff and Jessica Lahey.If you identify as a problem solver, list-checker, task doer, results-focused person…this is your episode. We even go on a tangent or two, but promise you'll be able to relate.EPISODE RESOURCES:Dr.Kristin Neff's websiteJessica Lahey's website and Hopestream podcast episode #163This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream CommunityLearn about The Stream, our private online community for momsFind us on Instagram hereFind us on YouTube hereDownload a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and AlcoholHopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

Send us a textWe discuss the essential balance of parenting, focusing on how allowing children to fail fosters resilience and independence. Jessica Leahy shares insights from her book, The Gift of Failure, highlighting the dangers of over-parenting and the need to embrace failure as a part of learning.• The significance of letting children experience failure • Over-parenting and its effects on children's autonomy • Emphasizing the process of learning rather than the end result • Strategies for fostering independence in children • The role of parental expectations and societal pressures • Practical tips for promoting resilience and problem-solving skills • Real-life examples demonstrating the advantages of allowing mistakes • Resources for parents to further explore these conceptsResearch on overparenting:https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s43076-024-00407-x?utm_source=chatgpt.comI will summarize it in this week's newsletter, make sure you are subscribed! Watch this on YouTube:https://youtu.be/btVcqD9AQU8Get The Gift of Failure:Canada or the USFollow Jessica on Instagram:https://www.instagramWant to join Curious Neuron's Reflective Parent? If you want to build your self-awareness, identify your triggers and learn how to cope with emotions and stress in front of your child book a discovery call with Cindy using the link below:https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/intro-chat-for-1-1-coaching Join our newsletter: https://tremendous-hustler-7333.kit.com/98c4675301Get your FREE 40-page workbook called Becoming a Reflective Parent: https://tremendous-hustler-7333.kit.com/reflectiveparentingworkbookPlease leave a rating for our podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Email me at info@curiousneuron.com and I will send you our most popular guide called Meltdown Mountain.Join me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/curious_neuron/Join our Facebook group called Reflective Parenting:https://www.facebook.com/groups/theemotionallyawareparent/THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS! Get some discounts using the links belowThank you to our main supporters the Tanenbaum Open Science Inst...

As a parent, how to raise self-reliant kids is a hard question. We all want kids who take care of themselves and their families, but many families struggle with how to get there. In today's podcast, Jessica Lahey joins us and shares with us simple, yet far from easy, parenting tips that are a great place to start. This is an ENCORE presentation of podcast episode (013) The Gift of Failure with Jessica Lahey. It originally aired in October 2020. Resources we shared: Our Mind, Body Unicorn Challenge is a fun and focused month-long habit challenge in January for people to kick off the new year in a supportive, healthy, and fun state. Register now! The Gift of Failure Jessica Lahey Visit No Guilt Mom Check out our No Guilt Mom Amazon Shop with recommended books and books from podcast guests HERE! Rate & Review the No Guilt Mom Podcast on Apple here. We'd love to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Listen on Spotify? You can rate us there too! Check out our favorite deals and discounts from our amazing sponsors here! Interested in podcast sponsorship? Contact Adalyst Media #parentingpodcast #parentingtips #JessicaLahey #selfreliant #positiveparenting #teens #preschoolers #kids Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Words matter. Words are powerful, so powerful that many of us avoid talking about certain topics because of the emotions the words create. Jessica Lahey, the author of the New York Times bestselling books, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, discusses losing her good friend to depression and suicide and her hesitancy in writing about it. Jessica's work, including her article about her friend Mary Moore, and contact information can be accessed at Jessica Lahey. Our previous discussion is here: The Addiction Inoculation - Avoiding the Addiction Affliction The views and opinions of the guests on this podcast are theirs and theirs alone and do not necessarily represent those of the host, Westwords Consulting or the Kenosha County Substance Abuse Coalition. We're always interested in hearing from individuals or organizations who are working in substance use disorder treatment or prevention, mental health care and other spaces that lift up communities. This includes people living those experiences. If you or someone you know has a story to share or an interesting approach to care, contact us today! Follow us on Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube. Subscribe to Our Email List to get new episodes in your inbox every week!

This week, we welcome New York Times Bestselling author, Jessica Lahey to The Hamilton Review!  In this conversation, Jessica discusses her two books: The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Enjoy this conversation! Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont   How to contact Jessica Lahey: Jessica Lahey Official Website   How to contact Dr. Bob: Dr. Bob on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChztMVtPCLJkiXvv7H5tpDQ Dr. Bob on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drroberthamilton/ Dr. Bob on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bob.hamilton.1656 Dr. Bob's Seven Secrets Of The Newborn website: https://7secretsofthenewborn.com/ Dr. Bob's website: https://roberthamiltonmd.com/ Pacific Ocean Pediatrics: http://www.pacificoceanpediatrics.com/    

Our guest this episode is Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation. Her goal is to provide straightforward facts to parents about kids and substance use. You know how much we love talking prevention and myth busting, and Jessica is happy to oblige.  WE'VE MADE PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our first: Parents of Anxious Kids, Start Here For those brand new to the podcast, we suggest starting with this playlist featuring Lynn Lyons and the 7-part anxiety disruptor series as well as a 3-part series on the skills most helpful in managing anxious kids: flexibility, problem solving, and autonomy. Consult our Spotify profile for the most up-to-date selection.   WIN A COPY OF THE ANXIETY AUDIT COURSE! We will select two listeners who complete our listener survey. We hope it is you!   FOLLOW US Join the Facebook group to get news on the upcoming courses for parents, teens, and kids. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram. Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube. VISIT OUR SPONSORS FOR SPECIAL OFFERS JUST FOR YOU: Listen to StrollerCoaster! This award-winning, top-ranked parenting podcast is created by Munchkin - the Most Loved Baby Lifestyle Brand in the World. Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/freeflusterclux! Head to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code FLUSTERCLUX and you'll receive up to $300 off air purifiers and a free three-year warranty on any unit, an additional $84 value! Search “Last Night at School Committee” wherever you listen to podcasts for highlights on the big decisions that are affecting students, using Boston as a real-world example. Go to lumen.me and use code FLUSTER to get 15% off your LUMEN order. Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to greenlight.com/FLUSTER. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kicking off season 5 of the Davidson Day Community Podcast, Head of School Andrew Bishop sits down with New York Times bestselling author Jessica Lahey to explore the key insights from her book The Gift of Failure. Jessica discusses how embracing failure can help children develop resilience, independence, and a growth mindset, and how parents can support this process by fostering a balance between guidance and letting their kids take ownership of their learning. Enjoy this terrific conversation!

Warning - sad statistic. :( The 2nd leading cause of death for kids ages 10-24 in America is...suicide.I'm not okay with this!Let's talk this Depression Awareness Month about prevention - there are research-based strategies that parents can use to reduce their kids' chances of being depressed. While depression isn't the only risk factor for suicide, it is certainly correlated.If we can make these practices a part of American culture, we can save American kids!!Today I'm expanding on these 3 things parents can do to raise depression-proof kids:Control stress - in yourself and then model and teach your kids to do it for themselvesBoost self-esteem - through genuine purpose-driven work, not empty complimentsIncrease resilience - by letting kids learn to cope with failure and difficultiesThis episode is sponsored by Just Thrive Probiotics! Check them out at kidscookrealfood.com/JustThrive. Use code Katie15 for 15% off!Resources We Mention About Depression PreventionMayo Clinic article on teen suicideMayo Clinic article on teen depression causes and preventionMy interview with Jessica Lahey on the gift of failureMy interview with Jess Sherman on raising resilienceMy Healthy Parenting Handbook episodes on Stress Mastery: part 1 and part 2My interview with Lisa Dorval on meditation for kids (includes 2 guided meditations)The Wellness Mama podcast episode with Margot BisnowRaising kids to follow their passions with Jonathan and Renee HarrisLife skills to teach your kids before they turn 18 Kitchen Stewardship Kids Cook Real Food follow Katie on Instagram or Facebook Subscribe to the newsletter to get weekly updates YouTube shorts channel for HPH Find the Healthy Parenting Handbook at kidscookrealfood.com/podcast Affiliate links used here. Thanks for supporting the Healthy Parenting Handbook!

Life latelySarah has a running injury and is rethinking her fall race plans.Abby and fam had an incredible long weekend at the beach.Reading latelySarah shared two nonfiction hits: Behind Their Screens by Emily Weinstein and Carrie James and Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey.Abby read yet another witch book, The Women Could Fly by Megan Giddings.Our dream livesWe talk about what we dream of for our lives in 5, 10, 20 years, as well as what dreams we'd have if money was no object or if we could go back in time and change things.Eating latelyAbby has found the perfect snack for work: individual cottage cheese cups.Sarah made a vegan chocolate cake for Neil's birthday.If you'd like to join in the conversation, please leave us a comment on our show notes, email us at friendlierpodcast@gmail.com, or find us on Instagram @friendlierpodcast. Thanks for listening! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In today's episode, we meet Jessica Lahey, author of the New York Times bestseller, The Gift of Failure: How The Best Parents Learn To Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Informed by over two decades of teaching experience and a robust writing career, Jessica shares her relatable insights on education and parenting.I absolutely devoured this book and I'm thrilled to dive into it with Jessica. We break down a few of its most illuminating parenting insights, like the importance of allowing children to experience failure and how it contributes to their growth and resilience. Jessica explains why failure shouldn't be seen as a dirty word and reveals how it can be a powerful learning tool, instead.This episode is packed with valuable insights that will help you raise more independent, confident, and capable children. I'm so thankful for the time Jessica spent with us today. If you are a parent, I highly recommend The Gift of Failure.We also cover:(00:01:02) Why Kids Avoid Challenges & Problem Solving(00:17:36) What Does & Does NOT Work to Encourage Kids at School(00:29:49) Boosting Motivation & Supporting Self-Efficacy Through Modeling(00:45:40) Countering The Daunted College Prep Stress(00:57:24) Parenting for Independence: Best PracticesResources:• Click here for full show notes• Website: jessicalahey.com• Read: The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey• Instagram: @teacherlahey• Linkedin: Jessica Lahey• YouTube: Jessica Lahey• Podcast: #AmWriting• GoodReads: Jessica LaheyConnect with Kelly:• kellyleveque.com• Instagram: @bewellbykelly• Facebook: www.facebook.com/bewellbykelly* Content from this podcast is provided for information and education purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for the advice provided by your physician or other healthcare professional. The use of information from this podcast is at the user's own risk. Always speak with your healthcare professional before taking any medication, nutritional or herbal supplement.Be Well By Kelly is produced by Crate Media.Mentioned in this episode:AG1 | Get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first subscription at drinkAG1.com/BEWELL.BWBK Protein Powder | Get $10 off your order with PODCAST10 at bewellbykelly.com.LMNT | Head to DrinkLMNT.com/Kelly to receive a free sample pack of LMNT electrolytes with any purchase!

Get ready for an eye-opening discussion with Jessica Lahey, the acclaimed author of 'The Addiction Inoculation,' as we chat with her about the complex world of substance use among children and teenagers. Jessica tackles the pervasive myths and misconceptions head-on, illuminating the real facts parents need to know.   Discover why delaying the introduction of drugs and alcohol is crucial in lowering the risk of developing substance use disorders. Jessica shatters the all-too-common belief that 'everyone is doing it,' backing her arguments with solid evidence. She shares practical advice on how to have those tough but necessary conversations about the dangers of substance use, highlighting the critical role of understanding genetic risks.   This episode isn't just about debunking myths—it's about empowering parents with accurate information and strategies for proactive parenting in a culture that often normalizes dependency. Learn the importance of ongoing, open dialogues with your children, the impact of social media on youth drinking, and the effectiveness of prevention programs.   Join us for a conversation that emphasizes the power of informed, honest communication and the importance of modeling healthy behaviors to raise resilient, well-informed kids.   To learn more about Jessica and the work she does, visit her website  and follow her on IG/Threads @teacherlahey JOIN THE BJDW COMMUNITY HERE!   Learn More about Coaching with Christy  Learn More about Coaching with Meade Love Life Sober, A 40 Day Alcohol Fast To Rediscover Your Joy, Improve Your Health and Renew Your Mind   Connect with us on Instagram! @imnotsoberimfree @lovelifesoberwithchristy @butjesusdrankwine The creators, hosts, and producers of the But Jesus Drank Wine podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, psychological or professional advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any communication on behalf of BJDW or otherwise to be a substitute for such. Additionally, the views and opinions expressed in any mention of and/or linked resources are those of the authors/owners of those resources and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the But Jesus Drank Wine podcast team or guests of the show.    #ChangingPerceptions #NoShame #AlcoholAndDrugs #SubjectiveLabels #getconnected #staycurious #changeyourthinkingchangeyourdrinking #sobriety #alcoholfree #soberliving #alcoholfreelife #thisnakedmind  #lovelifesober #imnotsoberimfree #getconnected  #grayareadrinking #grayareadrinking #butjesusdrankwine #staycurious #changeyourthinkingchangeyourdrinking #christianandsober #christianity #authenticliving #journeytosobriety #wineandotherstories #vulnerabilityinrecovery #substanceuse #addiction #parenting #teenagers #myths #misconceptions #prevention #communication #youth #socialmedia

In this episode Coach Angie shares four principles to help you embrace the truth that you can do hard things . . . and shares her favorite books on the topic. Plus, Trevor figures out how to do hard things the lazy way. [box] Sponsor Links MetPro Nutrition Coaching -speak with a Metabolic Expert about your goals and get actionable steps toward fueling for performance, losing weight, adding muscle, or changing your body composition. Get $500 off their concierge coaching. Joint Health Plus! -Protect your joint cartilage from breakdown during runs. Use code MTA for 15% off your first order. AG1 -a foundational nutrition supplement. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 and 5 free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase. [/box] Book List When you do hard things you'll definitely get resistance and push back from some people but you'll also inspire more people to live courageous lives. I like to read memoirs of people who share the ups and downs on the road to success. There are some great books and podcasts out there about courageous people. Let Your Mind Run by Deena Pastor Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins A Beautiful Work in Progress by Mirna Valerio Running Outside Your Comfort Zone by Susan Lacke The Long Run by Matt Long Marathon Woman by Kathrine Switzer Spartan Up by Joe De Sena Unbroken by Laura Hildebrand Out There by David Clark What Doesn't Kill Us by Scott Carney It's Great to Suck At Something by Karen Rinaldi Do Hard Things by Steve Magness Running Outside Your Comfort Zone by Susan Lacke Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Basin Endure by Alex Hutchinson Choose Strong by Sally McRae The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey Bravey by Alexi Pappas Out and Back by Hillary Allen Comfortable with Uncertainty by Pema Chodrin Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo Master of Change by Brad Stulberg The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter Grit—The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth Chop Wood, Carry Water by Joshua Medcalf The Unstoppable Mindset by Alden Mills Mindful Running by Mackenzie L. Havey

Writer and speaker Jessica Lahey, known for her work with The Atlantic and The Washington Post, delves into the topic of improving parent-teacher partnerships. Drawing from her extensive experience as an educator, Jessica shares valuable insights on fostering effective communication between parents and teachers. Show NotesConnect With: Jessica Lahey: Website // LinkedIn // Twitter2Hr Learning: Website // LinkedInI Hear Everything: IHearEverything.com // LinkedIn

Writer and speaker Jessica Lahey, known for her work with The Atlantic and The Washington Post, delves into the importance of learning from failure. Drawing from her extensive experience as an educator, Jessica emphasizes the valuable lessons children can gain from setbacks and how parents can support this growth. Show NotesConnect With: Jessica Lahey: Website // LinkedIn // Twitter2Hr Learning: Website // LinkedInI Hear Everything: IHearEverything.com // LinkedIn

If you've spent a bunch of years opening a bottle of wine to deal with stress and overwhelm, to celebrate or reward yourself for making it to the end of the week, it may feel awkward or hypocritical to talk with your kids about the risks of addiction to alcohol.  But in a culture obsessed with booze, being able to help your kids understand the impact that alcohol and drugs can have on their lives and how to identify risks and behaviors that can lead to substance abuse and dependence is important - arguably even more important than all the hours we spend helping them with algebra homework and cheering them on at baseball and soccer games.  I asked Jessica Lahey, author of The Addiction Inoculation, Raising Healthy Kids In A Culture Of Dependence to share what parents can do to help kids recognize their risk for alcohol addiction, spot signs of early abuse and navigate our boozy world without falling into the trap of substance use and dependence.  It's information I wish I had known when I started drinking and in looking at the risk factors for dependence it also gave me a new level of understanding of why alcohol was such a compelling drug in my life and compassion for myself for falling into the drinking cycle.  3 Ways I Can Support You In Drinking Less + Living More Join The Sobriety Starter Kit, the only sober coaching course designed specifically for busy women. My proven, step-by-step sober coaching program will teach you exactly how to stop drinking — and how to make it the best decision of your life. Save your seat in my FREE MASTERCLASS, 5 Secrets To Successfully Take a Break From Drinking  Grab the Free 30-Day Guide To Quitting Drinking, 30 Tips For Your First Month Alcohol-Free. Connect with me for free sober coaching tips, updates + videos on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and TikTok @hellosomedaysober. Connect with Casey McGuire Davidson To find out more about Casey and her coaching programs, head over to www.hellosomedaycoaching.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer lets kids expand their experiences, gain new skills, and experience independence – but those opportunities can be scary, too! In this classic replay from 2022, Meagan and Sarah share stories about the times our kids seemed vulnerable when faced with more independence, how those nerves showed up in our children (and ourselves!), how we handled our nervous energy, and planned for major milestones with kids who were nervous to spread their wings. Enjoy!HELPFUL LINKS:This playlist has over 30 episodes of The Mom Hour about planning for summerSarah has found the books The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey and How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims very motivating to encourage kids to get outside their comfort zones. Sarah heard Martha Beck talking about brain science on Glennon Doyle's podcast We Can Do Hard ThingsRead our Contributor Joanne's blog post, “This Is Too Hard!”: How I'm Showing My Kids The Importance Of Doing Hard ThingsOTHER HELPFUL LINKS:Visit our websiteCheck out deals from our partnersFollow us on InstagramJoin our private listener group on Facebook (be sure to answer the membership questions!)Sign up for our newsletterSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Substance use and abuse education is critical to keeping kids healthy and safe through adolescence and beyond. We're joined by bestselling author and teacher Jessica Lahey who combines the best research about teen brains with clear how-to-advice. This episode is so rich with science and data, you'll revisit this episode down the road. Show Notes:Go to magicspoon.com/PUBERTY to save $5Visit Bioptimizers.com/PUBERTY and use code PUBERTY10 for 10% off your purchase.Go to FACTORMEALS.COM/puberty50 and use code puberty50 to get 50% off your order.Get 25% off your first order of Phyla, when you visit PhylaBiotics.com and use the code PUBERTY at checkout!Jessica Lahey Videos The Addiction Inoculation by Jessica LaheyDopamine Nation by Anna LemkeHigh by David and Nic SheffOrder our book This Is So AwkwardCheck out all our speaking and curriculum at www.lessawkward.com and our super comfy products at www.myoomla.comTo bring us to your school or community email operations@lessawkward.comTo submit listener questions email thepubertypodcast@gmail.comWatch the full episode on Youtube!Produced by Peoples MediaTranscript Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've been telling everyone about this book!Ever since I read  The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey, it has truly changed my parenting. My mindset about the mistakes my kids make and little accidents they have is totally more peaceful, and the whole time I was absorbing the information, I was thinking, “How can I interview this author so I can share her amazing wisdom with my audience???”Turns out all I had to do was post something I had done using the Failure Philosophy with one of my kids here on Facebook, and someone tagged her and now — here we are!

Welcome to episode 223. Do you rush to fix your child's mistakes, shielding them from failure?  Many moms do!  Maybe it's a forgotten homework assignment or a missed deadline.  This episode is your guide! New York Times bestselling author Jessica Lahey shares a relatable story of when she had to decide: intervene and save her daughter, or let her face the consequences of forgetting homework.  In this episode, you'll learn: •    How Jessica handled the homework situation (and the surprising lesson her daughter took away!) •    The #1 thing moms can do to avoid over-parenting or under-parenting •    How to create situations where your child feels empowered to solve their own problems •    Techniques to raise a confident, capable child who embraces challenges •    Empower your child, not enable them!  Listen to this episode now! This podcast is perfect for you if: •    You want your child to learn from mistakes and build resilience. •    You're worried you might be preventing your child from developing independence. •    You crave tips on raising a strong, capable adult. •    Don't miss out on these valuable strategies! Tune in today! Love this episode? Let's connect: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/ This episode is brought to you by Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact Feeling Lost and Uninspired as a Mom? Reignite Your Spark Today! Do you long to rediscover the things that truly light you up as a mom? Feeling stuck in the daily grind can leave even the most passionate moms feeling drained and uninspired. But what if you could recapture that spark, that creative energy that makes you, you? Fertile Imagination is your guide to unlocking your inner powerhouse. This #1 Amazon bestseller, written by a mom who's been there, will help you: •    Uncover your hidden passions and talents. •    Develop a clear vision for your future as a mom and an individual. •    Learn powerful strategies to overcome overwhelm and rediscover your joy. Stop feeling like you're just going through the motions. Light a fire under your dreams and become the best version of yourself for your family! Visit Melissa Llarena: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/ right now and grab a FREE chapter of Fertile Imagination! Don't wait! Your most inspired and fulfilling life as a mom is waiting to be discovered. On the same website, we also have a limited-time offer for mom entrepreneurs who want to speak to the right people and catapult their business success in 30 days or less! Not sure how to go first in networking, or perhaps what to say in a follow-up? Answers to these strategic networking questions are addressed in a free resource that has helped me and my clients talk to the right people in way less time than it would take using traditional networking methods! Download my FREE playbook, "From Contact to Connection," and learn: •    Easy steps to find the right contacts and reach out confidently. •    Unconventional follow-up tips to stand out and build relationships. •    Templates to personalize your outreach for maximum impact. Stop feeling lost and reignite your spark! Download your free playbook now and watch your business thrive. Click here: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/ Limited time offer! Official bio for Jessica Lahey  Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont. Links to connect with Jessica Lahey •    https://jessicalahey.com •    https://www.instagram.com/teacherlahey/ •    https://www.facebook.com/jessicapottslahey/ TRANSCRIPT Enjoy the conversation. Jessica Lahey. Thank you so much. And welcome to unimaginable wellness. I am thrilled to have you here. How are you?  I am great looking out on a snowy Vermont woods through my office windows.   Oh, New England. I remember,  New Hampshire and I got a big, thick coat that was for the Arctic weather.  Sounds about right. Yeah, that's about right. And that started at the end of October. So that's, that was always interesting, but yeah. Thank you so much for being here. And why don't you share with listeners a little bit about you, your book, your wisdom, and then we will jump into something that listeners definitely need help with, which is our mental bandwidth. So take it away, Jessica.   Thank you. So I was a teacher for 20 years. I've taught every grade from sixth to 12th grade, but my heart, I have to admit, lies in middle school. I love, love, love teaching middle school. I also taught for five years in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents. So I've sort of taught in hoity toity private schools and in public schools and all across the, the range. And about the same time that I was teaching middle school, I had kids in middle school and I was Finding that  a lot. And I was also at the, at the same time writing, I was a education journalist. So I, as a teacher and as a parent, I was really interested in how kids learn, how to create a situation, a home, a home life that sort of got kids excited about. Inquiry and curiosity and all that sort of stuff. And at the same time, sort of battling my demons of how much do I step in and help with my kids? And how much do I step back and encourage them to be independent? And then saw my students,  a lot of my students parents were doing things that were sort of doing an end run around a lot of learning opportunities. And that was getting frustrating to me. And so I was on kind of a high horse about that and, and sort of, Just irritated with some of the parents of my students, which is really bad, like the better the homeschool relationship is the better kids learn. We know that. But then the journalist side of me, I was writing for the Atlantic and the New York Times and eventually started writing a column for the New York Times called the Parent Teacher Conference, which was a biweekly column sort of for the Parents wanting to ask questions about education and teachers wanting to ask questions about sort of the, it was at the intersection of education and parenting. And so my brain was constantly thinking of what is the impact of this learning environment or this parenting thing. And, you know, what I was sort of seeing was that some aspects of over parenting, whether it's highly directive parenting or controlling parenting, were  undermining. Learning in many respects, but I wasn't really clear on how that was happening or even if that was happening. And so the journalist in me got to go out and research that for like two years, and then write a book about what I found in terms of how parenting styles affect learning, motivation, engagement, all that kind of stuff. And, and then I had to get real about my own parenting. Cause it turns out I was doing the same thing. To my own kids  that I was irritated for the parents of my students were doing. So it became something I had to look at both as a parent and a teacher. And it became personal for me, which was where I had to be quite humbled to take a deep breath and look at my own, my own,  my own habits and what I was doing to my own kids.  I love how you brought both sides of the same coin together, just like being part of the experiment and then also like trying to figure out what's going on in this experiment, like, are we too involved? Are we not? Well, no, we are definitely not not involved. But it's it's just interesting how then you had to almost take your own medicine in a way. Yeah, I appreciate it. Like I said,  Humbling, especially since, well, so much of what I write about, I mean, the gift of failure was my first book and it was very much about the impact of parenting styles over parenting, directive parenting and autonomy, the alternate, the alternative autonomy, supportive parenting and what that does to kids ability to learn and their motivation and stuff like that. And that's based on research that's out there in the field. And then my second book. Was about my coming to terms of the fact that I am an alcoholic and getting control of my own drinking, not really getting control of it, but not drinking anymore, and then having to think about, okay, well, what has the impact been on my children and what will the intact impact continue to be on my children in terms of their own risks? So I have really what I consider to be one of the coolest jobs in the world, which is to get curious about a topic and then. Go in my hidey hole in the woods of Vermont and research the heck out of it for a couple of years and then translate that research for people who don't necessarily want to go around reading studies and, and having to learn the statistics and all that other stuff in order to translate it to real life and how that actually translates to parenting and education and what we do in the classroom and all of that sort of stuff. It's, it's a really, it's perfect for me as a job. Yeah, I mean, it's so interesting, too, that you have this like, or had this fascination for middle school. May I ask, before we move on, why? Because I have kids in middle school and I'm like, who would be fascinated with middle school?  Well, I actually, uh, my very first teaching gig was with kids, was at the Duke Talent Identification Program. And it, there were, they were sort of gifted or really advanced middle school kids, but they weren't, they were so mature for their age in many ways that it, so I moved directly into teaching.  And I thought that's where I would stay. And I had applied for a new teaching job in a high school that I really admired. And I got a note from the head of a middle school saying, is there any way you would come and interview for this job? Would really love to talk to you about it. And I'm like, Middle school. I, I, I don't know. They, they freak me out. I didn't like middle school myself. I can't imagine that I would want to teach kids that young. And she said, look, just come meet them, which was the kiss of death. I went and I met them and I fell in love with them immediately. And it was,  there's something about the fact that they are still. Children, in the sense that their guard isn't completely up, they still need hugs, they still,  there's, there's something really magical about this, this age, and I think the more you understand about the adolescent brain and cognitive development during adolescence, the more  You can understand why middle school is so magical. They, we give them far more than they can handle from the perspective of where their brain development is. And so the expectation is if you're a middle school teacher who absolutely loves this age group, and I don't know why you would teach middle school if you didn't, because it would be maddening.  The expectation is, is that we will watch them screw up all day long over and over and over again, and find those learning moments because Kids aren't always teachable on our schedule. Sometimes it requires us to sort of step back and say, okay, in the back of my mind, I know I'm going to have to talk to this kid about his total lack of organization, but I can't do it right now because he hasn't had lunch yet or his Guinea pig died last night or whatever is happening at home. His parents are getting divorced and now isn't the best time to be talking. It's more than he can handle. So you wait for just that right moment. And over. I was really lucky. I got to teach sixth grade and seventh grade and eighth grade. So I had these kids for three full years, something that education is, is really starting to realize is important, which is sort of tracking teachers along with kids for more than one year. You really get the opportunity to get to know them. And so if anyone's ever parented a middle school kid, sixth grade and eighth grade are like two different planets. So getting to watch them grow from sixth grade to the end of eighth grade and heading off to high school. It just, it's amazing. It's incredible. I love it so much. I have a seventh grader, so I'm smack in the middle. I'm seeing a little metamorphosis. It's kind of like, oh my goodness, what's coming out on the other side. But, but I'll say this, I'll say this. I think as far as this idea of how much a kid can handle, depending on their age. Is it, oh, of course. It's an idea that even it involves us moms too, and how much we can handle. And on that note, I thought we would totally talk about one of your viral videos. I'm going to say Instagram  with regards to a topic that I think a lot of us. might not be able to handle. Like if we have kids and, and we're kind of focused on grades and we want to be sure that they get to like the right high school, the right college and all of that, the topic that you shared your perspective on was my kid left her homework at home. Should I take it to school for her? And the reason why that topic resonated with me is because here's my theory. My theory is. The reason why a lot of moms are challenged in terms of their mental bandwidth, like, why does it feel so stretched? My hypothesis is because they're also taking ownership of our kids burdens and challenges and problems to solve. And along the lines of how much they can handle and how much we can handle, I would love your thoughts. thoughts on this idea of, of homework. It's like, I feel like there's got to be a lot more to it than just a piece of like paper giving to school. There's got to be a lot behind that. So say more.  Yeah. So this story actually is in the book, the gift of failure and is  It's a cool story because since gift to failure came out, there has been a long period of time in which I've seen how the choices I made that day have played out over a long period of time. So you have to understand the backstory, which I explained in gift to failure, which is that my daughter had real issues with organization. I mean, again, this was for her, this was fourth grade, but this is something that could come up any, at any period in time. And what. We understood was that she just at first was that her homework just wasn't getting done. That's what I heard from the teacher like homework is not happening. Well, it turns out that wasn't exactly true. What we did was we talked to her about the homework issue. And what we found out was that actually the homework was getting done. It was just that she was either not handing it in. It was getting lost. It was stuck in the bottom of her backpack. So what was fascinating about that to me is that my assumption was that she was just not doing it. That's Turns out wasn't true. It was a whole different piece of this. So we had to lay out really clear expectations for homework and then really clear consequences for if she didn't hand it in. So our really clear expectations were you'll do it, you'll do it to the best of your ability. You'll put it in your backpack, you'll take it back out of your backpack and you will hand it in to your teacher so that your teacher can give you feedback because homework is all about feedback.  And  So by the time this homework was left on this coffee table and my daughter was already out at the bus stop.  And we knew that her major problem was putting the homework in the backpack, taking it out of the backpack, handing it to the teacher. And we'd had a whole conversation about this and we'd been working on this specific thing. And so I went back and forth and back and forth. Do I take it? Do I not take it? In fact, I had to go to the school for something later that day anyway, so it would have been super easy for me to take it. And I actually even went to Facebook and put up on Facebook that this was a challenge for me. I was right in the middle of writing the gift of failure. What I do, blah, blah, blah. And a friend of mine who helps run this website called Grown and Flown and wrote the book Grown and Flown about helping your older kids sort of out of, out of the nest, she said, Jess, I really respect you and I love your work, but I disagree if, if. If this were  your husband and he forgot his, his charging cord at home, then you'd take it to him. Right? Because family, if no one else has your back, right? We show each other, we have their backs and we love each other. And if no one else in the world supports us, our family supports us. And I'm like, Oh crud, what do I do now? Because my instinct is I can't take the homework and not just because my entire very small community knew I was writing a book called the gift of failure about this exact thing. And so I didn't take the homework that day because I realized no, yes, I would take the, the charging cord to my husband, but my husband, always remembers his charging cord. Like that's not an issue we're working on with him. He's an incredibly careful and meticulous person. And so it would be an oddity, an outlier for him to forget something like that. But with my daughter, this is a very specific thing we've been working on. So I didn't take it. I'm also, by the way, not raising my husband. I was raising my daughter with this very specific blind spot in her, in her executive function skills. And so I didn't take it. And what ended up happening was  her teacher got fed up. Wonderful Mr. Dano. I love him so much. I talk about him all the time. Mr. Dano kept her in from lunch, which plus a minus I'm not in agreement with that. We, Kids need exercise, but kept her in from recess and said, this is something that's been going on for too long. It's time that you just, you have to come up with a strategy, like how is tomorrow going to be different from today? And that day, the day I didn't take the homework and did not rescue her, she was forced to sit down and come up with a strategy that would work for her. And that strategy won PS, I had been recommending for ages that she didn't. Listen to came up with her own strategy, which again was the one I had been recommending you forever, but it was the one that she thought she came up with all on her own, which is what matters, which was a checklist, like having a checklist at home so that she remembers everything. And what was so cool about that was.  She's very proud of herself when she told me all about this checklist thing. She had come up with clearly all on her own,  but it's the,  the tool she used, the strategy she used all the way through middle school, all the way through high school. I kept all of them. She would remake them from time to time, depending on what she needed. And she's in college now, and it continues to be the way she thinks about it. What she needs to leave house with or the dorm room with or whatever  And it stuck because it was her Strategy and if I had taken the homework that day She wouldn't have had this moment where she had to talk to an adult about how She needed to be supported in coming up with a solution to this ongoing problem that she wasn't hearing from me and I'm forever indebted to Mr. Dano for, for being that person that really pushed her to come up with something. So it was really hard to stay home that day, especially since it was for a subject that. She was having trouble with, it was kids who were starting to tease her about being the kid that forgets everything. I could have saved her from that if I had just taken the homework that day, but, and it would have made me feel great,  but I had to put off my own, Need to feel good about here's how much I love you. Here's visible evidence of how much I love you for what would benefit her long term, not necessarily that day. And I would have stolen that learning opportunity from her. And to your point,  it's not great at there's another story that I tell in the book, which is that former. Student of mine, we were working on some stuff together about her anxiety and her anxiety around homework and all that stuff. And it was because her parents were so, so invested in helping her with homework every single day, like literally on top of her. And it was causing major chaos, not just chaos, but anxiety in the home. When it came time for her to go off to college and I asked her what she was excited about, she's like, Oh yeah, I'm so excited for this, that, and the other thing. She said, but I'm really, really worried about my parents because I don't know what they're going to do with their time because she had never seen her parents have a life outside of her needs and wants  and schedule. And that's bad for kids. Like we shouldn't. They need to see that we have a life outside of their needs and wants and lives and that we are full people outside of our children. That's how we teach our children to be their own parents who can have a life outside of their own kids and think about things like their relationships and their career and their whatever those other things are outside of kids. So I think it's, we really, really have to balance that stuff and be thinking about what's important for our kids in the long term and what's important for us in the long term.  Absolutely. And as I think about what you're sharing, I'm thinking to myself, okay, so this was like a, a little moment that became a huge learning opportunity, lifelong benefits for your daughter. And I'm curious about for yourself and just like, is this now something that you never had to think about again? Like, how did it like.  Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be nice if I never had to think about it again? No, it was fourth grade and you know, this, she continued to be the kind of kid who needed more supports, especially for executive function stuff. And for those people who don't know, executive function stuff is frontal lobe stuff. It's adulting stuff. So the brain develops from the bottom up. We start with like the ability to breathe and the ability and reflexes and the ability to see our heart. But the higher up in our brain, we go, the more we're thinking about like time management, resource allocation, how we segue from one thing to another, starting a task, finishing a task, all that kind of like adulting stuff. That's all frontal lobe stuff. And that is the very last part of the brain to come online. And many, many. Kids, fourth grade, middle school, high school, that part of the brain is not fully online yet. It's not fully online until the early to mid twenties, which if you read my other book about substance use, it's the reason that using addictive substances is so much more harmful to the adolescent brain than it is to an adult brain that's done forming. So for me, I constantly had to think, okay, where is my kid along this continuum of developing executive function? And she's 20 now.  Is she fully cooked yet? No, she, her brain won't be fully cooked until the early to mid twenties. My older kid happened to get there a little bit sooner and my younger kid is getting there a little later and that's totally normal. But how I react to one kid might be a little different from how I react to my other kids simply because.  I know,  I have a pretty good sense of where they are in terms of what they need, and it's when we start  assuming that they need help all the time, when we start assuming that they're not competent enough to do stuff themselves, that's when we start sort of stepping in, doing too much, being overly directive, and possibly fostering what's called learned helplessness, which is teaching our kids Oh, no, I don't think you can do that thing. And then they start to believe it too. And so their immediate reaction becomes, Oh, I need help with this. I can't do it myself. There's no way I could do this on my own. And I see it from the classroom side as a teacher. And I see it at home from my own kids, it still pops up, but it still rears its ugly head sometimes, because is it easier to pretend you can't do it? So mom will do it. Absolutely. And that goes from laundry to loading the dishwasher to pretending that you didn't know that if the dishwasher is already clean, then you can unload it before you drop your stuff in the sink and just walk away. There's that learned helplessness thing is a really tempting  thing to fall into for kids until they're done developing and sometimes beyond. What's so what's so interesting, Jessica, in terms of just like my own experiences, is that. This dynamics of like an overly involved parent doing things for you is alien territory to me. I'm like, oh, that's so fascinating. I, I have a totally different life experience. So here's the challenge that I want to just share with you. Like how, How would a listener who has the opposite experience where she had to grow up very quickly because she was raised by a mom with manic depression? Like, how does someone like me and you, Jessica, teach our kids without breaking them? Because I don't know what they're capable of, but I'm really trying to figure out what are the edges and like, how does one before? For already, like what one kid could handle or not, how do you start like testing this just like, Oh, I think they got this or, Oh no, break them. If they do that. Yeah. So  I love this question because I hardly ever get this question. I, I was raised in a home with an alcoholic parent. I was raised along with some other stuff that I choose to keep private that  I had to grow up really fast and I was in charge of all my stuff. But part of that was really wonderful because part of it was that my parents trusted me to make good decisions and they, and I, you know, Very much wanted to fulfill that expectation. And so  from my perspective, some of that was really great. Like they trusted me to navigate the world and be able to speak up for myself. And they expected that I would speak up for myself and that I would be able to navigate the world. But there is, as you mentioned, so there's, There's a really interesting divide between kids who have, there's this thing called self efficacy, which is the feeling that if you take action, that you can change things. Like, let's say for example, I'm.  I really don't like my college roommate. We're just not getting along and I really think we should switch roommates. And so I know that I could go speak to an advisor or go talk to the college or talk to the roommate and either resolve things or change things up. That's a feeling of self efficacy. I know I can do that. So I tend to have a fairly high level of self efficacy, but there are two kinds of kids who have very low levels of self efficacy. And not only is that. which is terrible for them emotionally, but it's also a really big risk factor for substance use.  Kids who grow up in the foster care system, group homes, homes where they're being neglected or abused, where  you want to change the fact that you're getting hit or that you don't have anyone to turn to, but there isn't much you can do. Do to change that situation, a kid in foster care may have no control whatsoever over where they're living next week. And that can cause some kids to have really low levels of self efficacy. Like no matter what I do, nothing will change kind of thing. But then there are also kids who grow up with every support and financial support and parents doing everything for them. And even those kids can end up in a situation where they're like, well, I don't need to make decisions about things because all decisions are being made for me. Someone is going to figure that out for me. And that's also can foster a really low level of self efficacy. And these are the kids that I saw in my rehab classroom a lot, these two kinds of kids. And so I think One of the best things we can do is really get to know the kid that we have really well. What are their needs? What are their wants? What are, what are the things they love? And let them know that we love them no matter what the outcome is That we're, that we're really interested in the process of becoming, learning, practicing that when we focus overly on the end product, the trophy, the score, the grade, the points, that what we're saying is we don't care how you get there. We just want you to provide these results and. The way we react when they do or don't provide those results.  Can make them can make a lot of kids feel like they are loved more when they get high grades and less when they Get low grades. And in fact, I poll kids on this when i'm in schools And it's really stunning how many kids say? Yeah, I really do believe that i'm loved More when I get high grades and less when I get low grades so doing a lot of this sort of process talk will also get at the topic of Well, do you need support here? Do you want me to step back a lot of Parents don't think to ask those questions, especially when your come kids, your kid comes to you and they're really upset and like we go into that defensive mode and we just want to fix it for them because it's so horrible to hear about our kids being in distress. But a lot of teens will tell you that they don't want the problem solved. They just want to talk about it. They just want to be heard. So.  Making sure your kid feels heard is the number one thing that we can do to make sure that we're not under parenting or over parenting because they're going to tell us if they trust us and if they feel supported in the process of becoming and whoever it is, they're going to be, as opposed to just in the end product, then they hopefully will trust us enough to tell us when they need help and when they need support, and that's when you can get to know Are they asking for help because they're  being helpless here, or are they asking for help because they really, really need help? And it becomes fairly, it's different with each kid, but if I can learn it in a classroom of 30 students, I knew when my students needed real help or were just copping out for the day. And I knew when a student was in distress and not asking for help. That's a matter of looking and listening, listening, listening. And paying attention to who the kid is. And there's one thing I say a lot when I'm talking in schools, talking to parents about gift to failure stuff, which is  that we have to love the kid. We have not the kid we wish we had, because when we love the kid, we have not some imaginary version of our child. We really do get  a feel for their emotional state and their,  their levers for what they want and need from us. And, and that's.  Knowing the kid you have and, and not just the kid you wish you had is sort of the most important thing that I think we can do as a parent.  Yeah, I would agree totally. I think some kids can handle more than other kids, which is an obvious point. But I think as a parent, it's the onus is on us to really like understand, like maybe what are their limits and challenge them a little bit. I mean, I have several anecdotes, which I'll definitely share in the show notes a bit more, but. Yeah. Thank you, Jessica, for this. I think this is important. And so one final question before you share all your socials and where we could get your books and such, but here's the question. So you personally, as a mom, as an author, a New York Times bestselling author, help us understand how you personally have bubble wrapped your sanity along your journey.  Yeah, at the, my ability to say no to things has gotten better. When I first sold The Gift of Failure, I was working full time over more than full time as a middle school teacher. I was teaching six, six class. So I was teaching six individual different classes out of seven periods a day. And I was also working part time as an education journalist. And then I sold my book and I did not want to stop teaching. But I also. I had to weigh sort of what I wanted from my career, and I had always wanted to be a writer, and this was my big chance to sort of do it or not do it right. And I had to, I, the day I quit, I was just Weeping. It was awful. I luckily was able to find a part time job teaching so that I was able to juggle everything, but I couldn't do everything I wanted to do. And granted, this isn't from a perspective of, Oh my gosh, I have choice. That's a place of incredible privilege. And I totally understand that. But being able to say no to some of the things that are shiny objects that I would love to like have on my CV, or that I think could sell a couple extra books, or that might give me, give me another opportunity. I've had to realize that I can't be all things to all people. I can't do everything. In order to be the parent that my teenagers needed, I couldn't also. Teach full time. I just couldn't do it no matter how much I wanted to stay.  And it was really sad, but it was a decision that was really, really good and allowed me, as I said, to find a part time job that did allow me to have a taste of this and a taste of that, and still be there for my kids when they needed me to be. Thank you for that. I think that's helpful. I think saying no is ultimately saying yes to the thing that you really want. So it makes, it makes sense. And I know it's really, really hard, especially when those objects are extra super shiny. So Jessica, share with us where we can continue to follow along your journey and buy your books and support you and learn more about them. Your gift of failure.  So everything is at Jessica Lahey. com, including the daily videos. I was putting up for a while and I'm hoping to return to both on the addiction inoculation and the gift of failure. I do that on Instagram but they're all indexed in the little table of contents on there. You can find out about more about. Possibly getting me to come to your kid's school or some nonprofit organization in your area to speak about either topic. But again, everything is at Jessica Lahey. com and I'm on all of the social places at, at Jess Lahey. Thank you so much. Or at Teacher Lahey, sorry, at Teacher Lahey. Someone over on Instagram took at Jess Lahey, so I couldn't have it. So I'm at Teacher Lahey over on Instagram. Thank you so much, Jessica. I appreciate this.  Thank you so much. This is such, such a fun conversation. Absolutely. Thanks again.  What an amazing conversation with Jessica, and here's why I was so smitten to have a conversation with her. First of all, I think it's so interesting that the topic of over parenting is such a big deal these days because I see it, I'm a witness, I understand it visually. But personally, and maybe you too, I wasn't over parented. I don't know if I would say I was under parented, but maybe right sized parented for my personality and my abilities. So, it's something for you to consider. I think there's two ends, two ways of approaching parenting, probably several. But ultimately, it's something important to understand as far as For each individual child. So here's my quick recap. Number one, kids do need to see that we have lives outside of our kids. And I think that is even more important and possible with the internet, making it more accessible to us. Second point, we have to give kids more credit. We can't assume that they don't know how to do something. I will even add this point. Not only can we not assume that they don't know how to do something. But dare I say, and I'm just saying this cause it's easier to say than to do. What if they actually can do something more simply and better? Right? So that's an opportunity that I think is really helpful. Here's the third one, self efficacy. So for different kids, there's different quote unquote. Levels of abilities, right? And capabilities. So it's beyond just the age because you could have two 12 year olds that have totally different ways of handling the exact same stressful moment. And I think. You see that in one home where you have siblings who see certain situations favorably, potentially, and others, not as much. So it's really important for us as moms, even at the helm of really growing businesses. To really pay attention to the different parenting style needs that our individual children have. And as someone with identical twins, that goes for me too, and maybe for you too. So hope you enjoyed the conversation. I definitely want to invite you to learn more about Jessica. She shared how to reach out to her. And I also want to invite you to head on over to fertile ideas. com. When I say that I am beyond, beyond excited that I am sharing. You know, everything that I've learned over these four years on how to rediscover my own imagination so that this way I could actually have a business that thrives and something that I'm excited about and I feel fully aligned to, which is supporting mom entrepreneurs. It is not an understatement. Your imagination is something that you might not even know has been paused for a decade. And once we hit that play button. And that is a little bit of a pun because that is part of my framework playing with your imagination. There's no telling at how many wonderful ideas you could activate and turn into reality and actually make an impact in the world and on your terms. So head on over to www.fertileideas.com

How can “soft skills” result in drug-free kids? Today we are speaking with Shannon DiCandilo from Compass Mark to talk about how social emotional learning skills are key to emotional health, academic success, and delaying and preventing underage drug and alcohol use. Shannon shares how these skills play out in real life for kids, current trends on what substances youth are using–AND how they are getting it. We also discuss the link between mental health challenges and substance use, the vaping prevention program Catch My Breath, and also what is “stealth vaping”?! Join us! Things we mentioned in this episode:   We had two episodes with Selena from Caron about vaping: part one and part two.    Jessica Lahey does instagram reels with information from her books.    Xyalzine and fentanyl leading to increased drug overdoses.    Compass Mark uses a public health approach to prevent substance misuse and problem gambling across Lancaster, Lebanon, and Chester Counties, PA. We are expert guides on any journey to master new social & emotional skills and to lower risk factors for addiction. Shannon shared specifically about their program Catch My Breath for vaping and nicotine use prevention.    Parent to Parent: Building Connections Groups are meeting monthly! Join parents with similar-aged students and a trained facilitator to discover techniques, tips, and tricks to tackle common challenges and strengthen connections. Most importantly we'll interact with other parents who are in the same stage or who have been there and can offer advice. Bring a friend and join the conversation!   You can now follow Chrissie on Instagram @ctc_chrissie or on Facebook /@Chrissie.CTC for info from each episode, Parent to Parent blog updates, and other parent resources. You can also email Chrissie at cdziembowski@dtownctc.org We would love to hear from you!   Communities that Care has a Parent to Parent Blog and many online resources. Please follow us on socials for more tips, resources and support!: Instagram @downingtownctc  Facebook @DowningtownAreaCTC  Twitter @DowningtownCTC  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeok9Z1R_xkbYmMFlcXjOZw LinkedIn:  Be sure to Subscribe/Follow us to get new episodes every other Tuesday.    Find the episode webpage and previous episodes HERE. 

It's a truth many parents may ignore.   In this compelling episode, Jessica Lahey, bestselling author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation takes us through her personal battle with addiction to spotlight the critical importance of honest conversations about substance abuse with our children.   Lahey emphasizes the need to sift fact from fiction in discussing the effects of drugs and alcohol on developing brains, setting clear boundaries, and providing accurate, age-appropriate information.   She advocates for starting these discussions early, leveraging her insights to guide parents on fostering an environment of trust and informed decision-making, while also highlighting the role of professional support in overcoming addiction.   Listen For 2:06 Substance Use Prevention in Kids 4:16 The Role of Honest Conversations 5:52 Genetic Factors in Substance Use Disorder 23:31 Early Conversations and Education   Leave a rating/review for this podcast with one click   Guest: JESSICA LAHEY Website | Jessica's Books | LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram   Contact Kate: Email | Website | Kate's Book on Amazon | LinkedIn | Facebook | XSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jessica Lahey is a teacher, writer, and mother who believes it's important to allow children to learn from their mistakes and failures. Jessica says when parents constantly intervene or rescue their children from consequences, they hinder their child's learning process and can result in dependent, emotionally stunted children who never learn to adapt to the world around them. She suggests parents should aim to foster their children's autonomy and competence, rather than misguided confidence. Leave a rating/review for this podcast with one click Guest: JESSICA LAHEY Website | Jessica's Books | LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram Contact Kate: Email | Website | Kate's Book on Amazon | LinkedIn | Facebook | XSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Season 2 Kicks-Off with Jessica Lahey and her New York Times bestselling book "The Gift of Failure: How The Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed". Lahey is a teacher, speaker and mom who has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at The New York Times.  Listen to our chat from Season One, The Addiction Inoculation and the importance of understanding substance abuse and prevention. Find out more about Lahey and her work at jessicalahey.com and follow on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  Host Erin Prather Stafford launched Girls That Create in 2019. The site supports the parents and caregivers of creative girls while encouraging greater female representation across the arts. To support the parents and caregivers of creative girls while encouraging greater female representation across the arts, go to girlsthatcreate.com and connect on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and YouTube.   Please support UnsilencedVoices.org. WordofMomRadio.com - sharing the wisdom of women.  

On episode 212, Emily Kircher-Morris and Jess Lahey discuss the importance of understanding and supporting neurodivergent students. Jess highlights the need for teachers to question traditional teaching methods and adapt their practices to meet the diverse needs of their students. They talk about the value of formative assessments, peer-to-peer teaching, and creating an inclusive learning environment. They also explore the overlap between substance abuse and learning differences, emphasizing the importance of early intervention and support. They discuss the need for teachers to gradually release responsibility to students, and empower them to advocate for themselves. Open-minded, reflective, and responsive classrooms best serve the individual needs of students. Takeaways: Question traditional teaching methods and adapt practices to meet the diverse needs of students. Use formative assessments to gauge student understanding and provide targeted support. Create an inclusive learning environment that values peer-to-peer teaching and individual learning styles. Recognize the overlap between substance abuse and learning differences, and provide early intervention and support. Gradually release responsibility to students and empower them to advocate for themselves. This episode is brought to you by the Council for Exceptional Children, dedicated to high-quality education that is inclusive and equitable for individuals with disabilities and/or gifts and talents. Attend their Annual Convention & Expo, March 13-16, 2024 in San Antonio, Texas. Register now at cecconvention.org/, and if you're a school principal, receive free registration by using the code 24CEC100. If you see value in rethinking education and building a stronger classroom, consider joining the Neurodiversity University Educator Hub! It's a group built for educators, and we'll open registration again soon! Sign up to be alerted, and join us for the learning, sharing, and fun! Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed, and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post and The Atlantic, and her biweekly column, The Parent Teacher Conference, ran for three years at the New York Times. She also designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont. BACKGROUND READING Jessica's website Instagram Threads Facebook LinkedIn The Neurodiversity Podcast is on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter/X, and you're invited to join our Facebook Group. For more information go to www.NeurodiversityPodcast.com

Dive into a fascinating discussion with Jessica Lahey, author of "The Gift of Failure," as we explore the critical importance of allowing our children to encounter and learn from their failures. We discuss the essential role of challenges in developing resilience, independence, and a growth mindset in our kids. Key Takeaways: Embracing failure as a pivotal learning tool. The impact of overparenting on children's motivation and learning. Strategies to foster intrinsic motivation and a love for learning. The significance of setting clear expectations and logical consequences. Practical tips for encouraging autonomy and competence in everyday parenting. Why Listen? Uncover actionable ideas and strategies to guide your children through their failures to success. Learn how to step back and let your kids navigate challenges, fostering resilience and self-efficacy that will serve them throughout their lives. This episode is a must-listen for parents seeking to empower their children to reach their full potential.

“This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/dailydad and get on your way to being your best self.”The great John Wooden would practice his team hard through the week. He'd run through the plans over and over and over again. Yet as they left the locker room and headed out onto the court for the game, he would say to the team, “Well, I've done my job.” He wasn't going to be micromanaging them from the sideline. It was their turn to do their job.And so it goes for us as parents. At some point, we have to leave them at the entrance to the school. At their job. With their own finances. With their own children. We can't solve every problem. We can't prevent everything from going wrong. That's their job.Jessica Lahey's wonderful book The Gift of Failure (pick it up at The Painted Porch) reminds us that by not giving them this chance, by not letting them try and struggle to do their job, we're actually harming them. We're setting them up for more failure down the road…and less ability to deal with it.Giving children the space to struggle because we believe in them, because we believe even more in what will come out the other side, isn't always easy—for us or them. That's why one side of our Luctor et Emergo medallion features the mantra, “good, not easy,” surrounded by three other reminders we parents need each day: “let them struggle,” “show them support,” “help them grow.” Get one to carry around with you at the Daily Dad Store today! ✉️ Sign up for the Daily Dad email: DailyDad.com

Overwhelmed? Tired of people suggesting you “just relax!” or “go easy on yourself!”? Wondering if you should be playing with your kids more? This episode is for you. In this classic replay from 2016, Meagan and Sarah answer a question from Sheena (mom to a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and an infant!) about how to make time for things that need to be done around the house AND still connect with her kids. We normalize feeling overwhelmed, offer concrete tips for staying reasonably caught up, and share our experience balancing expectations, reality, and good-enough productivity. Join us!“Hi Sarah and Meagan, this is Sheena from Oregon, and I have two questions that both relate to time management. I have a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old and a 3-month-old and I'm finding that I'm always behind, and I'm wondering if you have any tips for how to get ahead? Also, how do you find time in the day to play? I find that I'm always just trying to get the kids busy so I can get on to my next task, and I never have time to just sit down and play. Thanks for your advice!”HELPFUL LINKS:Do you listen to The Mom Hour on the Apple Podcasts app? Apple had an update and unsubscribed people (argh!), so please make sure to click the (+) sign follow and subscribeDo you have an idea for an episode topic? Email Meagan and Sarah directly! We love to hear from you.We referenced Episode 10: We Hate Fun!Sarah still loves The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey (this is an affiliate link)Other articles and episodes about time management and productivityOTHER HELPFUL LINKS:Visit our websiteCheck out deals from our partnersFollow us on InstagramJoin our private listener group on Facebook (be sure to answer the membership questions!)Sign up for our newsletterSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on The Perinatal Podcast, Jessica Lahey joins me to chat about how to set our kids up for success in regard to what they put in their bodies even from a young age, what to have intentional conversations about quitting things like piano and soccer, even how to be a happier parent. What a delight it was having Jessica on to share about the effects of over-parenting, how to help build autonomy in our children, and how all of this is not done in one simple conversation, and I'm so excited to share our discussion with you! About Jessica: Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont. Thanks for joining us on The Perinatal Podcast! Find Jessica! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teacherlahey/ Website Links: https://linktr.ee/teacherlahey Thanks so much for joining me for this episode of The Perinatal Podcast. I'd love for you to write a review of my show on your app, and don't forget to subscribe so you get a notification when new content is posted. Take a moment to leave a 5-star rating, too! You can access additional mental wellness content and ad-free episodes by purchasing a monthly subscription at ⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/theperinatalpodcast/subscribe⁠ or ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-perinatal-podcast/id1590957531⁠. Follow me at @AmplifyWellnessWithMeg on Instagram and find Meg Duke LCSW on Facebook. You can also look for The Perinatal Podcast content by searching the hashtag, #ThePerinatalPodcast. Our show is executive produced by David Presley and produced by Meg Duke. Our theme song was written and performed by Antwone McDuffie.

Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont, and serves as a prevention and recovery coach at Sana, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont. This week as Jeff and Tricia launch the new Social Emotional Learning series they talk with Jessica specifically about her book The Gift of Failure. Find your copy: On Sale Now via Bookshop Learn about Jessica Lahey's other work: https://www.jessicalahey.com/ We are so grateful to the team at Mackin for sponsoring this episode and the full SEL series. Learn more about them: Mackin  Want to discuss your thoughts on this episode? Join us at our camp! camp.shiftingschools.com Continue your learning with Jeff and Tricia Learn how www.shiftingschools.com

Chris and Danny talk about the mindset and perspective shift families gain by applying separation, empathy and compassion to their loved one's addiction. Episode Highlights The concept of separating loved ones from their addiction Seeking information about addiction and recovery Separation, empathy, and compassion as tools to understand and handle addiction The hardships families face dealing with an addicted loved one The importance of separating the person from their addiction Substance abuse not being a moral failing, countering the stigma that people with substance use issues are inherently flawed or have made poor choices Who may be the most empathetic towards addiction? How to address a loved one in a situation like jail due to addiction Remember to “Take a S.E.C.” when you approach your addicted loved one Letting them off the hook: Understanding that they're 'hooked' on their addiction and can't unhook themselves without intervention Links and Resources from this Episode https://whyintervention.com/ https://twitter.com/whyintervention https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs Jessica Lahey's book "The Addiction Inoculation": https://a.co/d/cb3IUO1   Call to Action Schedule a Call Free Resources Review, Subscribe and Share If you like what you hear please leave a review by clicking here Make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so you get the latest episodes. Subscribe with Apple Podcasts Follow on Spotify Subscribe with RSS

On this week's #RaisingAthletes podcast, I do a #PodSwap with Jessica Lahey (best selling Author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation) and her podcast, #AmWriting which she co-hosts with Sarina Bowen and KJ Dell'Antonia. Jess and I break down the process of writing, how my book, Raising Empowered Athletes, came to be and how we became friends and cheerleaders for each other (so refreshing, right!?!). We go back and forth talking about such hot topics as Parents Weekend Pressure, Drug and Alcohol Peer Pressure, Perfectionism and Anxiety, to name a few. It's such a gift to talk with Jess and we hope you enjoy this episode as much as we do! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kirsten-jones0/support

On this week's #RaisingAthletes podcast, Kirsten does a #PodSwap with Jessica Lahey (best selling Author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation) and her podcast, #AmWriting which she co-hosts with Sarina Bowen and KJ Dell'Antonia. Jess and Kirsten break down the process of writing, how Kirsten's book, Raising Empowered Athletes, came to be and how they became friends and cheerleaders for each other (so refreshing, right!?!). In this clip, Kirsten and Jess discuss the Pressure of Parent's Weekend (and was that even a thing when they were in college?) --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kirsten-jones0/support

Join us in unraveling the pressure cooker of modern achievement culture and discovering a healthier, happier definition of success with Jennifer Breheny Wallace. Her new book, Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It, offers research-driven solutions drawn from interviews with families struggling to find balance amid our achievement-crazed culture.The Hidden Costs of Success: Dive deep into the toxic effects of the achievement-focused definition of success on our well-being and happiness.Raw Truth: The alarming rise of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse in today's youth across the spectrum: from the affluent to the underserved.Redefining Success: How can we balance our aspirations with well-being? Learn how to nurture resilience and deep connection in our families and communities.You can find Jennifer at: Website | Instagram | Episode TranscriptIf you LOVED this episode you'll also love the conversations we had with Jessica Lahey around the gift of failure. Check out our offerings & partners: My New Book SparkedMy New Podcast SPARKED. To submit your “moment & question” for consideration to be on the show go to sparketype.com/submit. Visit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Shifting Schools community! Jeff Utecht here, as we wrap up our exciting journey into eSports Tricia and I wanted to share what we have coming up next for you in September. As we start the new school year, we're diving in with a brand new mini-series focused on Social Emotional Learning, or SEL, a topic that we know is front and center in the minds of educators as we start another school year. And we're not doing it alone. I'm thrilled to announce our guest list for this enlightening mini-series, a line-up of voices that will guide us through this landscape: You'll hear from Jessica Lahey, New York Times Bestselling Author Charles Barrett, Author of 'Social Justice in Schools Dr. Katie Novak, an Internationally renowned expert and author Swapna Krishna, Known from Wired and PBS And that's just the start…… These thought leaders will share their insights, strategies, and stories, helping us understand how to connect with our students on a deeper, more compassionate level. Join us as we uncover the keys to empathy, resilience, collaboration, and more. Subscribe to the Shifting Schools Podcast on your favorite platform, and let's embark on this journey together. School's in session folks, and the next lesson is one you won't want to miss. Here's to shifting education together one conversation at a time. Until then….will see you on the network. Check out even more at https://www.shiftingschools.com

This relatable conversation is one for parents with kids of all ages.   --    Do all kids drink alcohol before they graduate high school? Is this a thing? Today we are breaking down the youth and parent perceptions and norms around underage drinking with Beth Bruton from Holcomb Behavioral Health Systems. We discuss all the surrounding variables that influence youth's perception of alcohol including social media, peer influence, and family modeling. We also talk about how although some parents may serve alcohol to their kids with best intentions of teaching them to be responsible, studies show that kids that are given alcohol at home underage are more likely to drink more often and larger amounts–but most parents don't know this–we don't know what we don't know. Beth gave great tips on ways to talk to your kids about underage drinking and how to set up strategies to give your kids an out if they are in a risky situation. She also provided ways to talk to other parents that may or may not know the risks of underage drinking and how to share this information. We loved this conversation with Beth and hope you will join us!   Things we mentioned in this episode:   We referenced data from the PAYS 2021 Report   CTC PAYS Data on Alcohol Infographic    We mentioned a previous episode with Carl Gregory explaining the importance of unconditional love   We mentioned a previous episode with Corporal Gathercole from Upper Uwchlan Police Dept.   Chrissie mentioned Jessica Lahey and her Instagram Reels series with main points from her book The Addiction Inoculation    Holcomb has implemented MADD's Power of Parents initiative which has many great resources for parents to talk to their kids about underage drinking   Holcomb Behavioral Health Systems is a leader in providing services and supports for people with mental health, substance abuse, and developmental disabilities. The Chester County Holcomb Prevention department is located at the Holcomb corporate office in Exton, PA. Beth Bruton is the Prevention Manager and you can email her with any questions or comments at elizabeth.bruton@chimes.org  CTC is launching Parent to Parent Peer Support Groups to provide a safe space for parents to get advice and support from other parents. Learn more about these groups and when they meet!   Join us at our Second Annual Snowball Shuffle 5k Run/1 Mile Walk on March 4th at Eagleview Town Center at 9am.   You can now follow Chrissie on Instagram @ctc_chrissie or on Facebook /@Chrissie.CTC for info from each episode, Parent to Parent blog updates, and other parent resources. You can also email Chrissie at cdziembowski@dtownctc.org We would love to hear from you!   Communities that Care has a Parent to Parent Blog and many online resources. Please follow us on socials for more tips, resources and support!: Instagram @downingtownctc  Facebook @DowningtownAreaCTC  Twitter @DowningtownCTC  YouTube LinkedIn Be sure to Subscribe/Follow us to get new episodes every other Tuesday.    Find the episode webpage and previous episodes HERE. 

We are delighted to host New York Times bestselling author Jessica Lahey on THE FULLEST Podcast! For over twenty years, Jessica has taught sixth through twelfth grade in both public and private schools; she spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents and serves as a prevention and recovery coach in a medical detox and recovery center. Her written pieces about education, parenting, and child welfare have been shared in highly recognized publications; she is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Trigger warning: this episode may be sensitive for some listeners as we discuss generational trauma with alcoholism, the addiction lineage, substance abuse, resources to get help, and Jessica's journey with sobriety. As you tune in, we ask you to reflect on the following: “Why is alcohol not working for you?” and “Is alcohol hindering your life?”

Originally released on May 23, 2021Jessica Lahey is a mother, teacher, and author of The New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Jessica, who has been sober for eight years, says her new book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, came out of concern for her own children following that same path. The book delves into genetics, psychology, and the science of addiction and offers practical things parents can do to keep their kids from suffering from addiction.Read Jessica's blog on her website here.Support the showFor more episodes and to read Angela's blog, just go to our website, Emilyshope.charityWishing you faith, hope and courage! Podcast producers: Casey Wonnenberg & Anna Fey

You can also listen to this episode on Spotify!Did you know that all children, regardless of genetics, are at risk for substance abuse?Jessica Lahey is a New York Times bestselling author, mother, and parent educator on teen substance use. Her most recent book, The Addiction Inoculation, is a practical guide to help children grow up to be healthy and addiction-free. On this episode, Jessica sits down with Dr. McBride to discuss her own path to sobriety, the myths about substance abuse in adolescents, and how to help kids feel comfortable setting healthy boundaries. This is a must listen if you're looking for ways to talk with your kids, grandkids—or yourself—about alcohol. Feel free to share this episode with others who may be, too.Join Dr. McBride every Monday for a new episode of Beyond the Prescription.You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on her Substack at https://lucymcbride.substack.com/podcast. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter at lucymcbride.substack.com/welcome.Please be sure to like, rate, and review the show!Transcript of the podcast is here![00:00:00] Dr. McBride: Hello, and welcome to my office. I'm Dr. Lucy McBride, and this is Beyond the Prescription, the show where I talk with my guests like I do my patients, pulling the curtain back on what it means to be healthy, redefining health as more than the absence of disease. As a primary care doctor for over 20 years, I've realized that patients are much more than their cholesterol and their weight, that we are the integrated sum of complex parts.[00:00:33] Our stories live in our bodies. I'm here to help people tell their story to find out are they okay, and for you to imagine and potentially get healthier from the inside out. You can subscribe to my weekly newsletter at https://lucymcbride.substack.com/subscribeand to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. So let's get into it and go beyond the prescription.[00:01:01] My guest on the podcast today is Jessica Lahey. Jessica is a New York Times bestselling author, mother, longtime teacher and educator for parents and teens on the subject of substance use and overuse. Her most recent book, the Addiction Inoculation, is a crucial resource for anyone who plays a vital role in children's lives, from parents and teachers to coaches and pediatricians. Helping raise kids who will grow up healthy, happy, and addiction free. Jessica, welcome to the podcast.[00:01:35] Jessica: You are so welcome. I'm so happy to be here.[00:01:38] Dr. McBride: I'm really happy to be here too because you and I were talking before the show started recording about how medicine in the current landscape is failing people. It treats people like a set of boxes to check, like humans are a bag of organs. We cattle herd, we box check, we move people along the conveyor belt, when health to me, and I'm sure to your husband, who's also a doctor, is rooted in the relationship with a patient, is founded on trust. And particularly when we're talking about complex issues like substance use and overuse, it requires time to get to know the patient and then unlock those complicated stories.[00:02:25] So, this is why I'm thrilled to have you here because it's clear to me that this is not just your job, but this is who you are. So I'd love to talk first about your story and how you became interested in substance use.[00:02:39] Jessica: I couldn't avoid it because I was raised in a home with someone with substance use disorder. One of my parents and one of my parents was raised with a person with substance use disorder and so on and so on, and so on and so on. And when I first got sober, On June 7th, 2013. Not coincidentally, my mother's birthday, I got blackout drunk at her birthday party.[00:03:03] My very first thought was, okay, well hold on. If I'm part of this long legacy, and by the way, my husband is part of a very long legacy of substance use disorder, how on earth do I make this stop for my kids? I mean am I just, are they just destined to carry? And I had so many questions about genetics and risk factors and all that stuff.[00:03:27] And more than that, I had also been a teacher for 20 years. And after I got sober, I started teaching in an inpatient recovery center for adolescents. And I wanted to understand very specifically, how those kids ended up there, what could we could have done differently, both from a parenting, from a social, from an educational perspective, how those kids ended up there.[00:03:50] And then looking at my own kids, I got sober when they were nine and 14. And I really just needed some answers. And I was hearing, most of the information I had in my head was myth. It was magical thinking. It was myth, it was rumor. I needed to understand, if we give kids sips when they're younger, does that do anything about helping them learn moderation or should we be aspiring to be like those European families that we talk about so much?[00:04:19] And anyway, so all of that stuff, I needed answers. I have the coolest job in the world, which is to get curious about topics and then get paid to research the heck out of them, and then translate that research for people who don't wanna dive in and research for two years to get the answer to a topic.[00:04:36] So my job is not just… I'm a writer, but I'm at heart, a teacher. I mean, not just to kids, but now I get to go out into the world and translate all of this stuff. And if there's nothing I love more, it's helping people think about topics that freak them out. Whether that's letting your kids fail with Gift of Failure, whether that's substance use prevention stuff.[00:04:59] It's the reason that I've stuck with this substance use prevention stuff, because it's just so hard to get people over the shame, the guilt, the fear, the denial in order to talk about this stuff. So that's one reason that I make daily videos about this stuff. I'm out there speaking to lots and lots of people, and sometimes it's an uphill battle, but it's really, really fun.[00:05:23] Dr. McBride: I can tell you're enjoying it and you're so effective at communication. I'm the same way. I love complicated patients. I love the layered kind of kernels of people's interiority and how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interrelated and then explaining it to people. I also love tackling topics that tend to freak people out, like death and dying, delivering bad news, like somehow that's like my Super Bowl. And I think one of the reasons is because, at least for me, I see the fear in people's eyes and I see the shame that they carry and then being able to kind of convey a message to people that is, that they can wrap their arms around is really gratifying. When it comes to substance use disorder, I think a lot of parents are freaked out.[00:06:12] I think they read the headlines. They see how pre pandemic, we had an epidemic of diseases of despair, including substance use disorder that is only accelerated during the pandemic and they don't know what to do. And they know their kids in their adolescent years are trying alcohol, drinking in kids' basements.[00:06:30] They're kind of looking at what other parents are doing and not knowing who to trust. And so I'd love to hear from you what are the common myths that parents tend to hold in their minds about substance use disorder in adolescence?[00:06:47] Jessica: Yeah, I think this is really important because it's also the myths that get translated to their children. And the big ones are things like, first of all it's a fait accompli—kids are going to drink anyway, so I might as well teach them how to do it responsibly, either because I have beer at my house and I take away everyone's keys, and at least they'll be safe.[00:07:06] That sort of just fatalistic, it's going to happen anyway because that's simply not true. The numbers are so much lower than people understand, and I get into that. In the book, there's this thing called pluralistic ignorance, which is we tend to overestimate in the case of alcohol, for example, how much people tend to drink, the people around us and how invested they are in having alcohol around.[00:07:28] And we all tend to overestimate that. So that sort of fatalistic thing, the whole, you know, I really want my kids to be like those European kids. So therefore if I let my kids have sips at home, let them have their own beer, a little bit of wine, that kind of thing, it'll somehow teach them to be moderate drinkers and not freak out when suddenly alcohol is available to them at college or whatever.[00:07:51] And that's wrong for so many reasons. I mean, the European Union as a whole, based on data from the World Health Organization and specifically World Health Organization Europe has the highest level of alcohol consumption in the entire world, and the highest level of deaths and illness attributable to alcohol.[00:08:10] Yes, there are exceptions, and that's a fantastic conversation to have as well, because that's about outliers based on the fact that those countries tend to have very particular community standards around public drunkenness. So the outliers tend to have to do with community pressures, and that leads to a great conversation of family culture, school culture, city culture, all those kinds of things.[00:08:33] And then, the idea that our kids don't listen to us because that's just not true. Even as kids get into college, they report that their parents tend to be their preferred and most trusted source of information for especially health, personal health, that kind of stuff, that kind of information. And finally, I want to also, I think it's really important to remember that substance use disorder and substance use are two different things. Lots of kids can try substances and not go on to have a problem with substances over the long run. And it's important to understand from an objective perspective what those risk factors are so that you can say, oh, my kids are at higher risk, or this puts my kid at higher risk, so what do I do specifically to deal with that. And then finally, I think it's also important to remember that yes, substance use disorder, we're having a crisis right now with mental health and stuff like that. And substance use disorder or substance use can be one way to cope with that. But prevention works. Effective prevention works.[00:09:31] And we're at, we've seen a 10 year decline really now 15 year decline in most aspects of substance use in adolescence. And that's because prevention works. And in order to do that really great prevention work, we have to be objective about risk factors, and we need to realize that adolescent brains are different from adult brains. I don't talk about adult substance use that often, except for when I talk about whether or not you should do it in front of your kids and what your messaging should be, because the adolescent brain is just different from the adult brain.[00:10:06] Dr. McBride: Okay. I wanna talk a lot about the adolescent brain, having three of them in my own house. I welcome your insights. Actually, two are in college, but they do inhabit my house every now and then. But let's go back to the first myth for a second. The myth that parents, I think, believe quite often, and I have believed in some ways, which is that it's inevitable they're going to use alcohol, trying to stop them from drinking alcohol or experimenting with it in high school is kind of like stopping a 747. I think a lot of parents think, as long as we've had the conversation, then this is, this is the best we can do. What data is out there, Jess, to show that delaying your exposure helps prevent the likelihood of substance use disorder?[00:10:56] Jessica: So first it's just important to remember that there are two periods of brain development that are the most important. They're just these massive periods of brain plasticity, and that's zero to two and puberty to around 25-ish, depending on the kid. So what we need to remember is that that development, that cognitive development that's going on, and that brain development that's going on from puberty to 25-ish, we don't fully understand all of it, it is massive. It's happening all over the brain. It's happening with lots of different centers. The executive function part of the brain, the upper brain is connecting to the lower brain, and anyway, that needs to happen as unimpeded as possible. What we do know is that the younger a kid is when they first initiate their substance use, the more likely they are to have substance use disorder during their lifetime.[00:11:46] So for example, if a kid starts in eighth grade, it approaches a 50% chance of developing substance use disorder over their lifetime. If they start in 10th grade, it goes down to around 20%, a little bit less than 20%. And if you can get them to 18, we get so darn close to 10%. It's important to delay, delay, delay. So that's one reason. Not only are we lowering their statistical risk of substance use disorder over their lifetime, and yes, there are some confounders in that data. There are confounders. I mean 90% of people who develop substance use as an adult report that they started before the age of 18.[00:12:26] And of course there are issues in there that we can't control for—the social determinants and all that kind of stuff. Families that have more alcohol around are gonna have kids that are more likely. So there's all of that as well. But this is what I'm dealing with in terms of the statistics.[00:12:42] Also remembering that the development, the longer a kid goes without ingesting anything that messes, whether it's with your dopamine cycle or fills up receptors in your brain that are, should otherwise have naturally occurring neurotransmitters in those receptors, because we're introducing them through drugs and alcohol. The brain just needs to develop as unimpeded as possible for as long as possible. So we're protecting their brains and we're lowering their risk of substance use disorder over their lifetime.[00:13:11] Dr. McBride: It makes sense in a lot of ways. The way I think about it is that the longer you give adolescent brains to ripen on the vine, and the longer you give kids who are dealing with a lot of complex thoughts, feelings and emotions and genetic predispositions, the more chance you give them to find and practice coping with hard thoughts and feelings. You just give them more opportunities to realize that they like drawing, they like being outside to play sports, they like laughing with their friends, they've realized who their intimate friendships are and where they can go to put a lot of thoughts and feelings instead of the default mode to alcohol, which for some kids, as we both know, is a occupational hazard for our kids who are in distress.[00:14:02] Jessica: And that's really apparent when you see what happens to a kid who has substance use disorder. They come to rehab. We remove the substance they're using as their coping mechanism. Suddenly you have kids with unresolved trauma. I mean so much. When we talk risk factors, you know, trauma is a big part of it.[00:14:21] So suddenly we have these kids that have been using this one and only coping mechanism for so long that they. Not only don't have coping mechanisms for that trauma, but they don't have coping mechanisms for interpersonal disputes, for just feeling anxious. All of their coping has been through using the substance instead of actually learning a real coping mechanism, which is why we often talk about kids in recovery as having been—in some ways not always—having had their development arrested at the age at which they started using the substance and. I don't agree with that fully, but what I do [00:15:00] know is that it does arrest their ability to learn prosocial behaviors, to learn coping mechanisms, to learn how to as we often hear from, for example, Dr. Dan Siegel, integrate their upper and lower brain, and figure out how to be slightly outside of their emotions as opposed to living completely inside of their emotion and reacting from their limbic system, from their lower brain and not engaging that upper sort of more rational part of their brain. Yeah, it's tough.[00:15:31] Dr. McBride: I just had Lisa Damour on my podcast.[00:15:33] Jessica: She's fantastic.[00:15:34] Dr. McBride: I love her too. And we talked, as you would imagine, about the rainbow of emotions that adolescents have and how complex they are and how they don't have necessarily in their teenage years, the vocabulary with which to discuss feelings. They don't have the interest always in talking about their feelings, and they don't even know they're having them sometimes.[00:15:55] I have this poster in my office. That's the periodic table of emotions. I have a version at home too. It's like the periodic table of the elements, but it's emotion. So instead of believing that we have happy, sad, mad, we have rage, we have jealousy, we have envy, we have fear, we have this whole rainbow.[00:16:19] So my kids tease me about it because they're like, oh my God, there's mom with the rainbow of emotions again. But then I see them when I'm not looking like my son and his girlfriend kind of being like, “hmm, I'm feeling kind of vulnerable today.” So what is my point? That it is a natural human instinct, whether you're a teenager or an adult who's experiencing complex emotions that are uncomfortable and maybe not even named to seek out places and ways to soothe, and I think adults do this. This is why I have a job. But teenagers, without the vocabulary, without the tools, without the insight that you are helping them grow and that I see older teenagers myself, it can be a very complex landscape and they're… Alcohol in our culture is socially acceptable and legal, and so it seems natural that they would experiment with it, and then you're off to the races.[00:17:11] If you have a kid who all of a sudden feels, wait a minute, my social anxiety has been quieted, my uncomfortable thought has been muted, my fear is less loud. And they don't even necessarily articulate it that way, but it makes so much sense that this is an occupational hazard of being an adolescent.[00:17:29] Jessica: Yeah, there's definitely a camp—in any field there are camps—these little camps of people who believe various things. And there's the trauma camp, that substance use disorder response to trauma. There's also the developmental camp, and I think that's really important. I think the reason that I and you and Lisa love adolescents so much is because, we tend to have a deeper understanding of how their brains work, which is why I tell parents that the more you understand about your adolescent's brain, the better you can be at stepping back and not just reacting to some of the buttons that are being pushed.[00:18:06] And I think that whenever I—in fact, I tell parents, whenever you're most frustrated with your teenagers, just look between their eyes at that spot, right between their eyes. And remember, that's the part of the brain that's not fully connected yet, and that what they're doing in terms of their adolescence is designed to make kids want to push out and to individuate, but also to try new things.[00:18:30] What's so cool about that? In trying new things in seeking out novelty and yes, sometimes novelty comes with risk. When they succeed at those things that they're trying out, when they build new skills, they're actually boosting their dopamine and boosting dopamine through… Kids are constantly craving dopamine. They want, we all want to feel good, we all want to have that feeling of mastery, inhalation, and all that sort of stuff. But if we want our kids to seek that out in healthy ways and healthy places, we can push them towards positive risk on to skill building and building competence, and then they can sort of get that dopamine cycle going in productive ways.[00:19:13] But I think the minute that you just sort of shut down and say teenagers are difficult, they're moody. I heard one time on a podcast on—it might have even been This American Life—it was definitely on NPR a long time ago when I was a middle school teacher, I heard a middle school teacher say, sometimes I let myself just think that we should send these kids away to some holding place until they're ready to listen and able to learn again.[00:19:43] And it makes me bananas because the exact opposite is true, that for people that really love and appreciate and understand adolescence and especially early adolescence, the more we understand what an incredible opportunity there is for learning, and how much learning is actually going on during that period, and enjoy it more, the more we understand it, the more we have the potential to enjoy it.[00:20:08] Dr. McBride: So talk to me about what do you see as a major differences between the adolescent brain and the fully formed adult brain as it pertains to substance use disorder and dopamine, et cetera.[00:20:21] Jessica: Yeah, so I rely heavily on the Dan Siegels and the Frances Jensens and the Laurence Steinberg's to help me see—as Laurence Steinberg refers to—adolescence as an age of opportunity. And I love that because so many other people are talking about this a terrible time, but what you have to understand about the adolescent brain, and varying people describe it in varying ways, but there's sort of a mismatch between the part of the brain, the early developing part of the brain, the lower brain, the reacting part of the brain that is just like, you know, go, go, go, emotions, emotions, emotions and the part of the brain that's still getting connected that handles executive function and prioritizing of resources and time and all that stuff. And that mismatch seems to persist until just about the time that we want to freak out and give up on them. And then suddenly, and it's so cool being a teacher because you get to bear witness to these moments, and eighth grade is a great time for this. [00:21:20] For example, I taught English, and so I taught a lot of literature that had metaphor and symbolism in it, and many middle school kids, not because they're dumb, not because they're smart, not because they're lacking anything, can't understand metaphor in a way that some, maybe some of their classmates can. But you don't stop talking about it just because they don't understand it yet. You just keep offering it. You just keep offering it in ways that are obvious so that the day that those neurons connect, you can see their eyes just go wide and they go, “oh. That's what she's been talking about.” And that same thing can happen with strategies for organization.[00:22:03] I talk in the Gift of Failure about when my daughter finally connected this strategy for helping her remember things and actually remembering things and being able to go to school with her stuff. And had we been arguing about it for months? Oh yeah, of course. But it wasn't until for whatever reason, those neurons finally, finally decided to connect.[00:22:26] And there have been times as a middle school advisor where, you know, I had a family once beg me to be their kid's middle school advisor, because I had been his brother's middle school advisor and his brother had made leaps and bounds during middle school. And I'm like, that's really sweet that you wanna attribute any of that to me and being his advisor. But it's just that his lower brain and his upper brain finally connected, and I was lucky enough to be there when it happened and capitalize on some of those moments. And that's what's amazing to know about the adolescent brain is that all of these things that we're being asked, we're asking them to do that they may not be ready for.[00:23:03] All of that creates stress, anxiety, a need for some kind of control over their world, and if we give them the autonomy and we give them the competence that they need, what ends up happening in their brain is they feel this, as I mentioned, the dopamine cycle lets them have this great burst of dopamine. If you wanna read more about that, please read Anna Lembke's Dopamine Nation.[00:23:26] It's such a fantastic book. And on the other side, the less kids get to feel that feeling of self-efficacy, of competence, of skill building, the more helpless they feel, the lower their feelings of self-efficacy become, and the more they turn to things other than their own abilities in order to help themselves cope. And it's the reason I quote Chris Herren. Chris Herren, former Boston Celtic, ended up addicted to opiates. It's a fantastic story. Basketball junkie, if you ever wanna read it. And he goes out and speaks to kids a lot and he, I quote him in the addiction inoculation as talking about the fact that we tend to spend so much time talking about the last day of substance use.[00:24:07] How far we fell, how disgusting it was on my mom's birthday on June 7th, 2013, and how ugly it got. But what we need to be talking about, especially when it comes to kids, is the first day, and he talks about that moment when a kid is at a party in a friend's basement, and why they don't feel like they are enough. They deserve to be loved. They don't deserve to take up space. They don't deserve to be here. What is it that makes them turn to substances? And I'm really lucky in that I get to talk to a lot of kids and hear what those moments sound like for them. And we need to help them feel like they're enough in those moments so they don't have to turn to something else.[00:24:49] Dr. McBride: I wanna break that down and I first wanna just comment that. You know, I think a lot of substance abuse programs in schools focus on this on the last day, right? Like, they focus, they, they bring people in and try to scare the pants off of kids. They show images of drunk driving accidents and kids are supposed to go away thinking, “oh, I don't wanna be in a car accident. I don't wanna die.” But in my experience with teenagers, myself, as a physician and as a mother, that doesn't really work. And then we know the data are clear that scaring people doesn't work. We have to meet people where they are. And it's clear that, as you talk about so beautifully, the roots of a healthy program to educate kids and on substance use is social emotional learning. So can you talk a bit about that and how that relates to the prevention as individual parents who may be listening?[00:25:45] Jessica: Yeah, so backing up, for example, in this country, only 57% of high schools in this country, and by the way, high school is too late to be starting this. Anyway, we need to be starting these programs very, very young, and I talk about that in Addiction Inoculation. Only 57% of high schools in this country have any substance use prevention program.[00:26:02] And of that 57%, only 10% are based on evidence. On any kind of evidence of efficacy, that kind of stuff. So what we know about the best available substance use prevention programs is that they start very young, pre-k, k, and continue all the way through the end of high school. They are rooted in social emotional learning, refusal skills, building self-efficacy and self-advocacy, and essentially giving kids from a very early age, pro-social skills and coping skills, coping mechanisms.[00:26:37] It's the reason that some have mindfulness programs attached to them and unfortunately, we're in this horrible position right now where we know these programs work. Oh, and also life skills, by the way. Life skills are a very important part of these programs as well. We know that social-emotional programs that contain health modules—making sure your bodily autonomy and safety and self-advocacy and stuff like that. We know those work. And yet, right now, For the first time ever, social-emotional learning is under attack because there's a faction of society that sees social-emotional learning as something that it's absolutely not, which is either indoctrination or identity and whatever. And it's really, really upsetting to me because without social emotional learning programs, which are just about building pro-social skills and skills that help us be a part of society and get along with other people and advocate for ourselves and all of this stuff that we know is so important.[00:27:36] Ask kindergarten teachers, they repeatedly say those are the skills that if you were to look at kids and say, okay, that kid is probably gonna do really well, and that kid probably is not. It all comes down to pro-social skills and behaviors. If we do away with social emotional learning, there have been places I have spoken where I've been asked not to use that acronym because it's quote “problematic.” This is a disaster because this is what we know works for substance use prevention programs, and we abolish that at our peril. Any gains we've made in the reduction in substance use among adolescents, we're going to lose.[00:28:15] Dr. McBride: I could not agree with you more. I mean, social emotional learning to me is about giving yourself permission to be human, to be flawed, and to have bodily autonomy, and as you said, the refusal skills and the ability to learn how to cope and function in the real world. [00:28:34] Jessica: Self-regulation, collaboration. Well, and then if you look at risk factors for substance use disorder, we know that 50 to 60% of the risk lies in genetics. That's Dr. Mark Shook at the University of California, San Diego. We know that the other 40 to 50% is adverse childhood experiences, trauma, stuff like that, and then set.[00:28:53] And of course, the social emotional learning stuff can help kids with that. But then on the other hand, we also know that child on child aggression, academic failure, social ostracism, undiagnosed learning issues, all of these other things are risk factors as well. And if social emotional learning programs help with so many of the things that can counteract social ostracism and help identify academic failure early on and can help reduce aggression between children. This is such an important part of the substance use prevention picture, and because we also know that self-efficacy is one of the most important things we can give kids and self-efficacy comes from the ability to self-advocate and self-regulate. It's all this self-perpetuating cycle that if we throw a wrench in there, sorry to mix metaphors, that we, this whole thing grinds to a halt and we have a whole bunch of kids who not only can't get along with other people, but don't have any coping mechanisms within themselves to manage their own stress. All that stuff Lisa Damur talks about with girls and Yeah.[00:29:58] Dr. McBride: When I was growing up, it was just say no. That was the mantra.[00:30:01] Jessica: And we know that doesn't work[00:30:02] Dr. McBride: and it would be really easy to say no if you had the social wherewithal, the confidence, the emotional skillset to manage that moment when a kid asks you if you want a beer and you're an eighth grader…[00:30:14] Jessica: Well, and that's not even enough. That's not even enough. So what we need are, they're ultimately called refusal skills. I sometimes call them refusal skills. I call them in Addiction Inoculation—the inoculation. There's a school of sociology called Inoculation Theory. It's essentially if we give kids the information they need in order to counteract messaging that's coming from other places, whether that's from liquor companies advertising beer to kids during sports, or another kid in their class. So let's say for example, you have an eighth grader who gets offered a beer. And the rejoinder to “no thanks” is, “come on. It's no big deal. Everybody's doing it.” If your eighth grader knows, well, it is kind of a big deal because here's what's happening in my brain and, and blah, blah, blah, and they know that it's not true that everybody's doing it. That in eighth grade, by the end of eighth grade, only 24.7% of eighth graders admit to having had more than a sip of alcohol.[00:31:16] So if they have that information, it makes them feel more confident in their stance and makes them more likely to continue to stick with their rejoinder of, “no thanks. I'm good.” And that those refusal skills, that inoculation messaging is so important and we have to start that early and continue it through.[00:31:37] So it's not just about the wherewithal, the emotional wherewithal to say, no, we need to give them the actual information to back that up so that they can feel more confident in their stance and they can have a reasoning behind their stance. And it's the reason, by the way, that of the entire book. There's a lot of things I loved about writing this book, but my favorite part, I didn't necessarily write. I asked adolescents to give me excuses they could use in public at a party or whatever that would help them save face and yet allow them to get out of using if they didn't want to. And there's two and a half pages of those in the book, and I'm so grateful to all of the kids that sent those to me because so many of them are brilliant and I wouldn't have come up with them on my own.[00:32:21] Dr. McBride: Give me some examples. I'd love to hear, and for any parent who's listening, I would love to like have you flip to that page because if we can arm our kids with like just the words to use and ideas, then that would be great.[00:32:36] Jessica: they are things like, “I can't, I get migraines” because we know that, for example, wine, alcohol is a trigger for migraines. “I can't, I have a sleep disorder.” We also know that alcohol is a major component of sleep disorders—it exacerbates sleep disorders. “I can't. I'm taking an antibiotic.” “I can't. My parents drug test me. Aren't they horrible?!” or “I can't, my mom breathalyzes me when I get home.” or even just in their own head. My son, who's now 24, when he was in high school, he admitted to me that while he doesn't say this out loud in his own brain, he's like, “I know that I'm at increased risk for substance use disorder, and my mom had to work so hard to get away from the pit of despair that she reached in her alcoholism. I think I'm just gonna not risk that for now,” or “I have an early practice. I can't.” “I'm the designated driver,” which by the way, makes you more popular with other people because you can help them get home safely and not get in trouble and not get pulled over. There's all kinds of things that we don't even think about.[00:33:42] A lot of Asians have something that's like a flushing disorder that is actually, it's sort of a… it's not really an allergy to alcohol, but it is something that makes drinking alcohol quite unpleasant. So you can go with that. There are a few studies, there's all kinds of ways that you can get at this.[00:33:59] It's just not the best thing for me right now. And I think the big overlooked answer is, “nah, that's okay. I'm good.” No is always an acceptable answer. And even in in sobriety, I have to value my sobriety and my safety more than maybe the worrying about upsetting my host, if I need to go home early from a dinner party where I'm just not feeling safe anymore and my husband and I have a signal and we've got all kinds of exit strategies and stuff like that, but helping kids know that they're worth it, that they are allowed to say no and that, obviously we have to make sure they know that in terms of unwanted touching and having sex before they're ready, all of that kind of stuff, we have to sort of empower them, give them the self-efficacy they need in order to feel like they're entitled to say no to whatever the heck they want to if it feels like it's going to endanger their safety.[00:34:56] Dr. McBride: And I do think kids these days are feeling more empowered to say how they feel to put limits down, to set boundaries. But of course, without the vocabulary and tools and the social support and the emotional vocabulary, it can be more difficult.[00:35:11] Jessica: Yeah. And that why that's part of the dovetail also with Gift of Failure, is that we know that parents who are highly controlling of their children tend to have kids that lie to them more often, and also that don't feel heard because if you are from that school of thought of do it because I said so or because I'm the parent without attaching any of the why to it, then it's like the difference between saying, I would prefer that you not drink until 21 because it's the law versus I would prefer that you not drink until you're 21 because of the potential damage it can do to your brain and because it can raise your risk of, of substance use disorder over your lifetime.[00:35:48] I'm a why kind of person. I need to know the why. Otherwise, I am not invested as a learner and many kids are the same way. Just telling them, because I said so doesn't tend to be a winning strategy.[00:36:02] Dr. McBride: To what extent are parents, quote unquote, “responsible” for their kids' relationship with alcohol? I'd love to talk to you about genetics versus experiences. The whole trauma argument that…I'm sure you know Gabor Mate and his system, I mean, he's wonderful. I also take a little bit of an issue with the idea that it's all rooted in trauma. I also believe on the other side that trauma is a, is a big word and can mean lots of different things. Feeling unloved and unsafe in your home for whatever reason can be traumatic. It's not just the. Experience of say, you know, breaking your leg and being ambulanced to the hospital. It can be an uncomfortable experience.[00:36:54] It's the way that experience is handled from the individual standpoint, and that can then lead to a predisposition towards unhealthy coping strategies. So talk to me about what parents are responsible for. How much is genetic and how much is environmental, because I don't think we know the answer, but I'd love your thoughts.[00:37:17] Jessica: Yeah, so like I said, the, the figure we have on the genetics is about 50 to 60%, but then you add on top of that this added layer called epigenetics, which is a crossover between environment and genetics. Also it's not just one gene. We're not gonna ever have this CRISPR technology where we're like, oh, we can flick that one gene out. Look. And addiction is gone. It's not like that. It's tied into personality, it's tied into chemistry. It's tied into so many different aspects of our environment. And again, epigenetics determines how genes either do turn on or don't turn on, that kind of thing. So then on top of that,  the other 40 to 50% is yes trauma.[00:37:56] Jessica: But there's all different kinds of trauma. If you read Lisa Damour's Under Pressure, you understand the difference between stress, like there's little T trauma and there's Big T trauma. I think everyone on the planet should have to read Nadine Burke Harris's The Deepest Well, because average childhood experiences as originally defined by the CDC and Kaiser Permanente are really valuable, right?[00:38:21] Because we know that people who have. People are more likely to have negative life outcomes in terms of health, mental health, all kinds of other stuff. If they've had various adverse childhood experiences and there's a really handy list, go google Adverse Childhood Experience and Quiz, and you can take the quiz yourself.[00:38:38] However, it is not a complete list. The things that are on that quiz are a great starting place. For example, we know that physical and especially sexual abuse is a huge, huge glaring blinking neon sign risk for eventual substance use disorder. That's a huge, massive risk. So the adverse childhood experiences list of 10 things within categories comes close, but then there's also… it doesn't take into account Nadine Burke Harris's list, which can include things like systemic racism. Why on earth are we not counting that as a big T trauma because it absolutely is. There's a lot of debate right now around adoption, around all kinds of things that qualify as—can qualify as traumatic experiences for kids.[00:39:24] So, and you should know about me that anytime someone says it is, All this or all that, I'm immediately suspicious as a journalist[00:39:35] Dr. McBride: Well, I'm the same way. I mean, that's, that's it. I mean, everything is in the middle. It's not all nature. It's not all nurture. It's in the middle.[00:39:40] Jessica: Well, and that's why, you know, there's an entire chapter essentially. What if I were to write about the peers chapter, you know, why did I include a chapter on the influence of peers in the book?[00:39:49] Why bother? Because I could have just said, research shows that the more your kid's friends use drugs and alcohol, the more likely your kid is to use drugs and alcohol. Okay? Chapter over. But the problem is, it is a much more nuanced picture than that. And I tell the story in that chapter of. My son Ben had a friend who, Brian, that's his real name.[00:40:08] He was insistent—the two young adults I profile in the book, Brian, and Georgia insisted that I use their real names because they felt this was just too important. Brian and Ben became friends. Brian had been already kicked out of one high school, then got kicked outta my son's high school for substance use and behavioral stuff and my, my kids stuck by him and all their friends stuck by him and I'm like, look, my instinct as a parent is you cannot be friends with this kid because if he does substances, you are more likely to do substances. In the end, that relationship was much more complicated and the fact that my son, Ben, and his friends stuck by Brian actually led to the moment where Brian realized on the second time he got kicked out of that high school and my son and his friends took him running on the last day, he was allowed to be on campus. Brian realized in that moment that was his turning point. That was his 100th piece of his puzzle where he said, it all has clicked into place and I see what I stand to lose, and my son benefited from the object lesson. The real scared, straight sort of object lesson, real life learned experience of, oh, this is what happens when you rely on substances in order to manage these other things. [00:41:26] And here let's talk about those things. And PS the best part of that whole relationship was I said to my son, “Ben, look. I'm so pleased you want to support him and go visit him in rehab and all that stuff. Loyalty is great and a friendship, but if you're going to be friends with Ben, knowing what I know about the statistics, we're gonna have to talk about this a lot.”[00:41:47] And that was something that became a standard conversation topic for us. How's Brian doing? How are you doing about Brian's… how do you think Brian's doing? How do you think…what are you seeing that works for Brian and what doesn't work for Brian? It gave us a proxy so that my son didn't have to talk about himself as much, which can be very difficult for teenagers. But it allowed us this proxy to talk about substance use and substance use disorder in the guise of Brian and gave Brian a launching off place for his, what became his recovery.[00:42:19] Dr. McBride: It's so lovely and I really like the way you talk about Georgia and Brian in your videos and in your book, because it just helps parents, I think, hook into the realities of these kids' lives with empathy and compassion for their stories and great respect for their privacy. Obviously, that the fact that they wanted to share their stories means that they feel that this needs to be talked about more than it is.[00:42:45] Jessica: Yeah, I can't count the number of times. I was like, no, really, let's do a pseudonym. You can choose the pseudonym. And even recently with Brian, I had to get in touch with Brian about something and I wanted to make sure that they were making that decision from a place—and they were [00:43:00] adults when they made this decision—but that they were truly making this decision from the perspective of, you know, I appreciate that. A lot of people have shame and guilt in that. There may be some persecution that I could face maybe in the workplace later if this got out, that this was me, but this is too important. It has brought some value out of everything I went through as a kid, as a child of an alcoholic, everything I went through as an alcoholic.[00:43:25] And this education might help someone else. And I think that's really where Brian and Georgia are coming from, from this. And I talked to Georgia last week, talked to Brian two weeks ago, and yeah, they're doing great. They're doing so well.[00:43:39] Dr. McBride: It's incredible. I'd love to now segue into talking more about you if I could because you are talking the talk and walking the walk. So had you tried to get sober in your life before that moment at your mother's birthday party?[00:43:56] Jessica: I've had periods of sobriety because I was scared. Like, you know, I did that, I did that thing a lot of sober curious people do, and to make it clear, I'm so hopeful about where we are right now because I think a lot of people are realizing you don't have to rise to the level of completely out of control, homeless, DUI, all that stuff, getting fired from work. You can say to yourself, “man, I'm gonna try dry January and just see how it goes.” And then you realize, oh wow, this kind of feels better. And so I'm gonna keep going. You can stop drinking just because it's not working for you anyway. I was scared to death.[00:44:30] I tried through the guise of long distance running like I used, running as a reason to stay sober, to not drink, and I would make all kinds of bargains with myself. When I was pregnant, I was sober. When I was training for big races, I was sober, but it just was starting to take over to a degree that I couldn't control it anymore on my own. And so the reason I talk about getting to a place where I know I needed help as a 100 piece puzzle is, you know, my dad on that morning, after my mom's birthday party was my 100th piece. But pieces one through 99 had to be there for all of that to click into place and form a big picture.[00:45:13] And those early attempts at sobriety were pieces of that. And the beauty of all of this puzzle piece stuff is that I can't guarantee that my kids are not gonna develop substance use disorder, but all of this prevention stuff are pieces of that puzzle. So maybe they get to start at piece 65, where I started at piece 32.[00:45:34] It builds those blocks. So I was able to get sober. I happened to get sober in 12 step and. There are lots of ways to get and stay sober. I happen to get sober in 12 Step, and my higher power is the people in those rooms and the people I work with at the rehab where I work now. I work as a prevention coach and sort of a recovery resource at Santa at Stowe.[00:45:58] It's a recovery in Stowe, Vermont. It's medical detox and recovery, and they are my higher power. I can't show up for them. Unless I'm sober, I can't go do my speaking engagements. I can't do my daily videos unless I show up sober because then I'm being completely inauthentic and I would be hungover and miserable.[00:46:18] But all of my stuff has been partially in service to getting control of my life back and being the parent that I know I need to be in order to raise two kids who might break the cycle of this. [00:46:36] Dr. McBride: What I'm hearing from you is that. Your sobriety is rooted in the 12 steps. It's also rooted in the ongoing process of helping other people, which is one of the tenets of AA is passing on your knowledge and wisdom to other people and, and making meaning out of an experience, and I think you really are making a difference.[00:46:55] I see people reading your book. I hear p people reading your book. I've had my kids listen to your videos, and not that they necessarily wanted to, but I have heard some good feedback because I think what happens when we talk about alcohol to adolescents is it often comes across as a parent as just a, a moralistic, judgmental, do as I say, conversation[00:47:22] Jessica: And not necessarily do as I do, because if…[00:47:25] Dr. McBride: not necessarily right. And then we go, poor gin and tonic. And they're like, Hmm. It's funny, one of my most popular posts on substack, like by a mile was the post I wrote called “Is Dry January a good idea? And I put it out on January one.[00:47:40] And I mean, the answer to the question in my mind was probably what you wouldn't be surprised to hear, which is that sure. It's only though scratching the surface of the curiosity and compassion and empathy we need to have about ourselves and about the why, because you can put a fence around a behavior for 30 days, 31, I guess, in January, and then on February 1 you can go to the pub and get plastered or just start drinking again.[00:48:07] The question isn't, can you give it up because you can…[00:48:10] Jessica: I gave it up for a year.[00:48:12] Dr. McBride: And for some people that's very hard, but the harder question is mining that interior landscape that is driving you to drink when you don't want to, if you're remorseful the next day, [and] you wish you hadn't done it. That is hard work, and it's much easier to put a fence around it for 31 days. I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying do it and get curious.[00:48:34] Jessica: One of my favorite speaking gigs is, and don't hate me for this, but every six months or so I'm at Canyon Ranch, either in Tucson or Lennox, Massachusetts, and they put me up and give me a discount on spa stuff for me and my plus one, and I do my talks. But the cool thing about Canyon Ranch is that there's no alcohol served there.[00:48:55] And some people bring their own because they just can't be without it for a couple days. But there are plenty of people who go there and realize that they hadn't anticipated how difficult it was going to be for them to not have it there as an option. And, and then every—because Canyon Ranch was founded by someone for whom recovery is part of their story—there is a meeting there every single day at five and the people that often, and I often run those meetings and the people that show up at those meetings are often people who are like, “I don't really know why I'm here. All I know is it really bums me out that there's no alcohol here and I don't know what that's about.”[00:49:29] So, you know, it's a[00:49:31] Dr. McBride: great starting point.[00:49:32] Jessica: Well, and also a lot of people are there either by themselves or with a spouse and don't know anyone else there. So they feel like it's a super safe place to go to a first meeting anyway. Either way, it's a really cool place to get to do the kind of stuff that I do. Because it's opening the door for them in a way that maybe they hadn't anticipated.[00:49:51] Dr. McBride: Yeah, I mean it's self-discovery. I think about health as not an outcome, but a process of laddering up from self-awareness to acceptance to agency. I mean, the serenity prayer… I'm not in recovery, but people ask me if I am all the time. I mean from alcohol, I'm, I'm in recovery from other s**t that I do, but because I really understand and believe in the concept of the Serenity Prayer, which is accepting the things we cannot control, which is a lot, knowing ideally what we can control, and then understanding the difference and not spending so much time over here and shifting our energy and attention and curiosity to this spot.[00:50:31] Jessica: You want to hear something ridiculous? This is so interesting. So two things. When the book first came out, it was first getting its reviews and stuff like that. I got one review where it said very specifically that I parroted AA stuff. So first of all, I did not use anything AA in the entire book except in one spot.[00:50:52] I said, this is where something, for example, like the Serenity Prayer has been useful for me, and this is the restraints that we're dealing with when we talk about this stuff. Like that's why don't talk about AA because it is, the minute I refer to that, that is the only thing someone will hear. And then I'm just stuck.[00:51:11] Dr. McBride: And they associate it with, oh, AA that's like my crazy Uncle Sal. I just drink a gin and tonic every night. What's it to you? So I think that your approach that is honest, empathetic, rooted in data, and that stems from your own experience of being perfectly imperfect is really valuable. And so I just want to say thank you for being here and thank you for doing what you're doing and God speed.[00:51:38] Jessica: I am so grateful to you for just having this conversation. Every single time I have this conversation with someone, I get an email or a DM from someone saying, you know what? I'm scared too, and I don't know what to do. Or, I'm scared for my friend and I need to know how to help them. And so, you know, the more we talk about this, the more other people are gonna feel like they're allowed to talk about it too.[00:52:02] Dr. McBride: Thank you all for listening to Beyond the Prescription. Please don't forget to subscribe, like, download and share the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you catch your podcasts. I'd be thrilled if you like this episode to rate and review it. And if you have a comment or question, please drop us a line at info@lucymcbride.com. [00:52:24] The views expressed on this show are entirely my own and do not constitute medical advice for an individual. That should be obtained from your personal physician. Get full access to Are You Okay? at lucymcbride.substack.com/subscribe

Ravi sits down with Jessica Lahey, author of The GIft of Failure for an illuminating conversation about parenting. From homework to report cards, social dynamics, and sports - Jessica's advice will help parents step back and embrace their children's setbacks along with their successes.

None of us want our kids to grow up addicted to alcohol or drugs, but how do we prevent it? It turns out there are research-based ways to inoculate our children to the harmful effects of addiction (turns out, it starts with being open, honest and giving good information). Jessica Lahey comes on the Mindful Mama Podcast to help us raise healthy kids in a culture of dependence. If you enjoyed this episode, and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device, post it to your Instagram stories, and tag me @mindfulmamamentor. Have you left a review yet? All you have to do is go to Apple Podcasts or  Stitcher (or wherever you listen), and thanks for your support of the show! Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Get Hunter's book, Raising Good Humans now! Click here to order and get book bonuses! ABOUT HUNTER CLARKE-FIELDS: Hunter Clarke-Fields is a mindful mama mentor. She coaches smart, thoughtful parents on how to create calm and cooperation in their daily lives. Hunter has over 20 years of experience in mindfulness practices. She has taught thousands worldwide. Be a part of the tribe—we're over 25 thousand strong! Join the Mindful Parenting membership. Take your learning further! Get my Top 2 Best Tools to Stop Yelling AND the Mindful Parenting Roadmap for FREE at: mindfulmamamentor.com/stopyelling/ Find more podcasts, blog posts, free resources, and how to work with Hunter at MindfulMamaMentor.com. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://mindfulmamamentor.com/mindful-mama-podcast-sponsors/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Special guest: Dr. William Stixrud. Are we raising an anxious generation? Many would agree that we are. The causes of the uptick in anxiety among children has started to be discussed—even within our podcast- we have talked with Jessica Lahey and our obsession with grades and our focus on avoiding failure at all costs. We have talked with Julie Lythcott Haims about the bubble-wrapping of our children that leaves them unprepared for a life that we deliver them to at the age of 18—a life in which they don't have the skills, yes, but also where they don't have the resilience or the confidence to take it on. In The Self-Driven Child, authors William Stixrud and Ned Johnson continue this conversation—focusing specifically on the ways that children today are being denied a sense of controlling their own lives—doing what they find meaningful, and succeeding or failing on their own, and on their own terms. While screen time and technology certainly are part of the problem, the real issues lie with us—the parents and the teachers—who have their hearts in the right place but are nevertheless, taking the opportunities away from children that would allow them to grow stronger, more confident, more autonomous, more competent-- and more themselves.  William R. Stixrud, Ph.D., is a clinical neuropsychologist, frequent lecturer, presenter, author and founder of The Stixrud Group. He is a member of the teaching faculty at Children's National Medical Center and an assistant professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the George Washington University School of Medicine. Additionally, Dr. Stixrud is the author, with Ned Johnson, of the nationally bestselling book, The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives. You will also see him featured for his expertise in publications such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Times of London, The Wall Street Journal, U.S. News and World Report, Time Magazine, Scientific American, Business Week, Barron's, and, New York Magazine. And—fun fact- Dr. Stixrud also happens to be a musician who plays in a band! The post How to Talk to Kids about Being Self-Driven, Self-Motivated & Self-Controlled with Dr. William Stixrud – ReRelease appeared first on drrobynsilverman.com.

Jessica Lahey has been surrounded by addiction her whole life. As a person now in long-term recovery, she grew up around alcoholism, came to her own reckoning with dinking, has taught every grade from 6-12, worked with adolescents in residential treatment, and written two New York Times best-selling books, The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation. Jessica's books are a gift to parents looking for ways to set their kids up for the best possible outcome regarding substances and the ability to navigate life independently as they progress through high school and their young adulthood.You'll hear how Jessica went from being adamantly against substance use to realizing she had a serious drinking problem, why she wants parents to focus on progress, not product, why allowing our kids to struggle truly is a gift, and explains the data behind the mantra, “delay, delay, delay.”It's appointment listening, even if your child is already down the path of misusing substances. You'll gain so much from this frank and encouraging conversation.The podcast is now part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community: www.hopestreamcommunity.orgLearn about The Stream, our private online community for moms, at www.thestreamcommunity.comWe now have a new community for dads parenting a child who struggles with substance use and mental health; The Woods: members.thewoodscommunity.orgFind us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunityDownload my free e-book, HINDSIGHT: Three Things I Wish I Knew When My Son Was Misusing Drugs: www.brendazane.com/hindsightJoin my email list: www.brendazane.com/email

Today I'm joined by author Jessica Lahey to tackle one of the biggest topics in our community: How do we keep our kids safe from the trick of alcohol?  This conversation is so important and enlightening! Jessica shares about her own sobriety journey while also giving us so much knowledge about the risk factors for substance abuse, practical tips on how to talk to you kids about alcohol, and so much more. Get your copy of Jessica Lahey's book, Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence here: Resources: The CDC - Kaiser Permanente ACE study: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.htmlThe Deepest Well by Nadine Burke Harris: https://amzn.to/3H6jAGaThe Real Sober Moms are coming back to the pod! But first they're available exclusively in the Patreon community. Get access to them and so much more by becoming a patron on Patreon! Learn more here: http://patreon.com/user?u=84021397Join The Sober Mom Life FB group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1542852942745657We have merch!!!!  Check it out here!Click here to follow The Sober Mom Life on InstagramLove this show? Let me know by rating and reviewing the show on Apple Podcasts! Check out our sister podcast, Brand New Information!

Cathy & Todd talk with author and educator Jessica Lahey about her book The Addiction Inoculation and the importance of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) when it comes to substance-use disorders, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence and regulation. They discuss the risk factors surrounding addiction and how genetics and culture play a role. Jessica shares what kids most need to hear from us and how we can create conversations about alcohol use, abuse, and the myths that don't hold up to research.

Cathy & Todd talk with author and educator Jessica Lahey about her book The Addiction Inoculation and the importance of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) when it comes to substance-use disorders, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence and regulation. They discuss the risk factors surrounding addiction and how genetics and culture play a role. Jessica shares what kids most need to hear from us and how we can create conversations about alcohol use, abuse, and the myths that don't hold up to research.

Cathy & Todd talk with author and educator Jessica Lahey about her book The Addiction Inoculation and the importance of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) when it comes to substance-use disorders, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence and regulation. They discuss the risk factors surrounding addiction and how genetics and culture play a role. Jessica shares what kids most need to hear from us and how we can create conversations about alcohol use, abuse, and the myths that don't hold up to research.

This week on Dopey! We are joined by the brilliant writer, journalist, teacher and attorney, Jessica Lahey! Jess is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess tells us all about her journey to recovery, and what she learned to help kids not make the same mistakes we did! PLUS! EMAILS, VOICEMAILS and tons of Gratitude!   More about Dpey: Dopey Podcast is the world's greatest podcast on drugs, addiction and dumb shit. Chris and I were two IV heroin addicts who loved to talk about all the coke we smoked, snorted and shot, all the pills we ate, smoked, all the weed we smoked and ate, all the booze we consumed and all the consequences we suffered. After making the show for 2 and a half years, Chris tragically relapsed and died from a fentanyl overdose. Dopey continued on, at first to mourn the horrible loss of Chris, but then to continue our mission - which was at its core, to keep addicts and alcoholics company. Whether to laugh at our time in rehab, or cry at the worst missteps we made, Dopey tells the truth about drugs, addiction and recovery. We continually mine the universe for stories rife with debauchery and highlight serious drug taking and alcoholism. We also examine different paths toward addiction recovery. We shine a light on harm reduction and medication assisted treatment. We talk with celebrities and nobodies and stockpile stories to be the greatest one stop shop podcast on all things drugs, addiction, recovery and comedy!

If you have teenagers like I do, or have kids that will become teenagers, or are considering having kids that will become teenagers, or even know anyone with a teenager… …you've probably thought about kids and substance abuse. Of course, all parents want to give their kids the best possible resources and support to prevent problems with drugs and alcohol. But what does that look like? Is it teaching moderation or prohibiting substances before the legal age? How much does genetics play into it? Those are big, important questions, considering that according to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, teen drug addiction is the nation's largest preventable and costly health problem. And nine out of 10 adults with substance use disorder report they began drinking and taking drugs before age 18. My guest on this podcast, Jessica Lahey, was born into a family with a long history of alcoholism and drug abuse. Despite her efforts to avoid that path, Jessica struggled with alcoholism herself until 2013, when she got sober in her early 40s. Her latest book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, is a comprehensive resource that parents and educators can use to help prevent substance abuse in children. A parent herself, Jessica has also learned firsthand how to navigate this highly sensitive and important topic. Jessica is also the author of the New York Times bestselling book The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. For more than twenty years, Jessica has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont, and serves as a prevention and recovery coach at Sana at Stowe, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont. Jessica writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, is a book critic for Air Mail, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” for three years at the New York Times. Jessica designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee for her Creative Nonfiction magazine essay, “I've Taught Monsters.” The co-host of the #AmWriting podcast, with bestselling authors KJ Dell'Antonia and Sarina Bowen, Jessica also holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. Jessica will be soon featured in a special chapter of my Boundless Parenting book, for which this podcast interview is part of a series leading up to the official book launch in late 2022. She lives in Vermont with her husband, two sons, and many dogs. Episode Sponsors: DNA COMPANY: If you value your health and want the tools to help you avoid serious diseases, then go ahead and order this DNA test from The DNA Company. All listeners are eligible to receive a $50 discount using code BEN at checkout.  BGL Careers: Check out our open positions at BenGreenfieldLife.com/Careers Wild Health: Wild Health, a precision medicine company, is hosting a series of events with some amazing guests, with the intention of providing people the opportunity to heal their spirit, connect with their true nature and wake up to reality, they're calling it the ‘Awake and Aware Series.' If you'd like to join, visit bengreenfieldlife.com/wildhealthprinciples and use code BG15 to get 15% off the event price.  Clearlight Sauna If you want to sweat buckets in the privacy of your own home, go to HealwithHeat.com use code: BEN for a discount and free shipping – this is a huge savings because these saunas are big, and heavy and well-made.  Joy Mode: Want to spice things up in the bedroom and boost your sexual performance? And do it naturally without nasty prescription drugs? We have a special offer for the Ben Greenfield audience. Go to usejoymode.com/GREENFIELD or enter GREENFIELD at checkout for 20% off your first order.  WATER & WELLNESS: Use code GREENFIELD to save 10% on all orders. Go to WaterAndWellness.com/Greenfield

When it comes to how to motivate kids, our society gets a lot wrong.If you ever find yourself seconding guess your parenting choices that don't always look like the rest of society's parenting choices, definitely listen in to my talk with Jessica Lahey today.If, on another note, you've had a rough gardening season, or just want to improve your garden soil, check out this episode's sponsor, Redmond's Agriculture, & my favorite soil kit option on the market, right here: theprairiehomestead.com/soiltest. Be sure to use code HOMESTEAD & save 15% off your entire order!In today's episode, Jessica explains why extrinsic motivators (aka a parent begging, punishing, or bribing) don't boost a child's intrinsic motivation. And we dive into detail about all the better options.Jessica is the author of The Gift of Failure (https://bit.ly/3QF1MEN) and The Addiction Inoculation (https://bit.ly/3K93tIm).The books Jessica mentioned: How to Be a Person by Catherine Newman: https://bookshop.org/a/5789/9781635861822Your Turn by Julie Lythcott-Haims: https://bookshop.org/a/5789/9781250137777Where to find Jessica:website: jessicalahey.com#amwriting podcast: https://amwriting.substack.com/ facebook: facebook.com/jplaheyMy (New) Old-School Blog: www.prairiephilosophy.comHead to http://www.theprairiehomestead.com/grow to get complimentary access to my best homestead resources.Get more in-depth homestead info, printable recipes, tutorials, and more on my blog at www.theprairiehomestead.comGet Old-Fashioned on Purpose hats & shirts at www.homesteadswag.comFollow Jill on Twitter: http://twitter.com/homesteaderFollow Jill on YouTube: http://youtube.com/theprairiehomesteadFollow Jill on Instagram: http://instagram.com/jill.winger