Inside My Wardrobe

In this episode I talk with Michaela Hyde from Marriage Foundation. It's more of a personal chat and debrief of 2022 really in which we cover empty nest syndrome, long term relationships, living with chronic pain, Michaela's menopause journey and my return to education. We also talk about HRT and also other techniques for resilience that help us survive the ups and downs of life. As promised, here are the menopause-specific episodes: 104 To HRT or Not with Sharon Hartmann (this is an edited-down version of 91, Menopause HRT and your GP) 103 - Diane Danzebrink talks about her surgical menopause and how it resulted in her reaching breaking point and then becoming an activist for menopause awareness. 92 - Food, mood and hormones - how we can use what we eat to help navigate hormone change 91 - the full episode with Sharon Hartmann on making an informed decision re HRT and how to approach your GP 79 - Beyond The Bleed is with the menopause Psychologist Dr Becky Quicke about navigating anxiety and mental health through peri-menopause 78 - Knowing and Navigating the Smptoms of Menopause with the wonderful Diane Danzebrink

Sex therapist Emma Waring joins me for part 2, following on from episode 107, ‘Is Your Sex Life Dutiful or Beautiful?' to discuss the more intimate side of pleasure and our sexual relationships. We discuss orgasms, how the clitoris works, how vibrators can improve our sex lives and she reveals the all-important location of the not-so-elusive G-Spot. (Did you know that 96% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm? Hollywood might have us think otherwise). Emma shows various vibrators during this episode which we describe for audio-only purposes, however we did also film the conversation which you can see on www.womenwhatwhistle.com We also cover sex in menopause and how vaginal atrophy can cause bacterial vaginosis and recurrent thrush - lubrication can be answered prayer for that. Emma's website is emmawaring.com and she mentioned various resources including Pillow Talk which is currently discounted on Amazon. The other two episodes Emma has done with us are: 107 ‘Is Your Sex Life Dutiful or Beautiful?', and also episode 94, ‘What Is Good Sex?' Enjoy

In this episode we talk about equality in sex and relationships. We delve into the roots of cultural and religious writings that have informed a male superiority over the centuries, where women's shame around sex, nakedness and physical desire comes from, how we can recognise if our sexual script is skewed/damaged, and what to do about it.  NB trigger warning at 15 minutes where Emma describes the action of rape, it is no more than one minute long. Once again, Emma is fantastic and gives us lots to think about. If you've not heard the first episode she did, Episode 94 'What is Good Sex?' is well worth a listen as well, it is currently one of our most downloaded podcasts. To get in touch with Emma Waring, here's her website Emma's book is Seasons of Sex and Intimacy She also mentioned Becoming Cliterate by Dr Laurie Mintz and Fairplay by Eve Rodsky

10 years ago, Helena Croft founded Streetlight UK. Prostitution and trafficking is a very real issue. It's quite of the moment to suggest that sex work is empowering, but Helena has a very different and experienced take on this narrative which is currently being pushed about. This episode is a conversation of two halves. First is about how Helena overcame terrible shyness and uncontrollable blushing that often held her back in life. And then how her faith helped her find her voice, which began her transition into politics. 10 years ago, she then founded Streetlight UK which gives support to women involved in prostitution. You can read more about the charity on their website Spotlight UK  and the book Helena mentioned was Trafficked Please get in touch if you have a story or know someone else who would love to share theirs. You can email me pipa.gordon@icloud.com or find me on social media.

In this podcast episode, author Cary J Hansson talks to me about her epic midlife adventure in which she went back to university, already as a mum of twins, and having also navigated divorce. She accidentally fell in love and decided to relocate to Sweden once she graduated… and then found out she was carrying more than suitcases! I'm not so sure she set out for it to be an adventure but it really was, and then, of course, hormones began to change so she had some more navigating to do. During that time, she's raising twins, a new baby, paddleboarding, cold water swimming and writing short stories and novels which you can find here and all of which deal wonderfully with all the true ups and downs of ‘midlife'. Cary is a fabulous example of taking life by the horns and not being held back by fear of the just in case. It's a wonderful conversation and reminder that life is for living, at every stage!

This is an edited-down version of podcast episode 91 in which Menopause specialist Sharon Hartmann discusses hormone change with me and how we can best navigate it. She covers things like when hormone change begins, what can instigate it outside of the natural rhythm of life, and then she covers various symptoms, some more unknown than others. We also discuss natural v HRT (spoiler: topically applied HRT IS a natural product), the difference between gel, patches and spray; the importance of how you apply, testosterone, the Mirena coil, and also the length of time to take HRT and if it's ever too late to get on board (spoiler: forever, and not usually)  Sharon is an NHS nurse practitioner and runs a private practice to support women going through menopause. You can find her online here. Please do subscribe to the podcast, you can find it on all platforms and if you'd like to subscribe to the blog as well, head over to Women What Whistle website.  

This week we talk with Diane Danzebrink, campaigner, psychotherapist and menopause expert about her experience of menopause which was brought on by surgery for a hysterectomy, after discovering she had ovarian cysts, endometriosis, adenomyosis and a large fibroid. So severe were the psychological effects of menopause that it almost resulted in Diane ending her life. She tells the story in this episode. Her website is www.menopausesupport.co.uk and you can sign the petition (please do because it's getting very close to the all-important 200k) here. There are also extensive resources available on her website, she also records a podcast called The Good The Bad and The Downright Sweaty Other episodes we have done on the menopause are: 78 Knowing and Navigating the Symptoms of menopause with Diane Danzebrink 79 Beyond the Bleed with psychologist Dr Becky Quicke 91 Sharon Hartmann – how to approach your GP 92 Food mood and hormones – Emma Ellice Flint 93 Testosterone is not just for boys, another great campaigner Dr Zoe Hodson Please do come and join our Facebook group, and if you'd like to subscribe so you receive the podcast into your inbox, then please do on womenwhatwhistle.com Finally, just a quick reminder - menopause itself is one day. It's one year after your last period, however, it takes approximately 10 years of hormone change to get to that point, and it's those years that we refer to when we say perimenopause. A LOT happens in that time – far from hot flushes!! Estrogen receptors are scattered throughout our bodies and so when our estrogen levels drop, it can affect us dramatically – the list of symptoms is long! Physical: Hair loss Weight gain Brittle nails Vaginal dryness Sleep disorders Dizziness Incontinence Allergies Breast pain Headaches Joint pain Itchy skin Irregular periods Irregular heartbeat/palpitations Osteoporosis Burning tongue Tingling Gum problems Night sweats Hot flushes Changes in body odour Digestive problems There can also be profound Psychological symptoms too, as we hear in this episode Mood swings Fatigue Depression Anxiety Irritability Difficulty concentrating Memory lapses Loss of libido Remember, everyone's journey will be different. Please do not suffer in silence, there are many support groups and a wealth of information available. Reach out and connect, please don't hold back. Pipa x 

Grief is something that we've all found ourselves talking about with the loss of Queen Elizabeth. It has a profound impact on us and during this collective time, many of us have experienced the pain of other losses rise to the surface. In this episode, we talk to Jo Moseley, who found herself feeling at the end of herself after her own journey of grief and in the midst of menopause. Almost accidentally she turned it around and literally paddled her way out. She's now a filmmaker, podcaster and writer, and the first woman to stand up paddleboard the 162 coast-to-coast trail from the west to the east coast of England. She says she's just an ordinary person, which of course we all are – so it just goes to show, that if we are brave enough, we can do anything. You can connect with Jo on social media @healthyhappy50 or you can find out more about her on her website, you can download her film Brave Enough, and find her podcast, The Joy of SUP here as well as on all the usual platforms. You can also get in touch with me @PipaGordon on social media or via the website where you can subscribe so that you don't miss a podcast or a post.

Here we go, the first episode of Women What Whistle, renamed and revamped and very much about not falling in line or fading away. It's about finding our brave through the stories of other women who've had to find theirs.  We start this week with a conversation laying out the concept that challenges our perception of normal. We so often berate ourselves for not being like someone else, but ultimately, normal is most beneficial when measured against ourselves. Dr Sarah Chaney, historian of nursing and emotions, joins me for a conversation in which we talk about how this concept of normal came about, and just how flawed it is. Sarah touches on her own experience growing up, of trauma, living with grief, being bullied, self-harm and feeling immensely anxious on a daily basis. She's a wonderful example of being shaped by her experience of life so far, allowing the process to mould her into who she is today and embracing her past in order to shape her future – surely that is the perfect example of finding true personal fulfilment. Culturally we have become obsessed with happiness, but I think contentment and fulfilment is perhaps a more valuable aspiration. But, those things don't come from what we have or what others see, they come from allowing ourselves to embark on our own journey, by owning our past and allowing it to shape who we are today and carry us into tomorrow. Sarah has written 2 books, Psyche on the Skin – a history of Self Harm, and Am I Normal – the 200 year search for normal people (and why they don't exist). She's also co-hosted a fascinating podcast series called Living With Feeling and if you can follow her on Twitter @kentishscribble It's so great to be back and thanks for listening! Each new episode will be published every other Tuesday across all podcast platforms. You can also subscribe for free on womenwhatwhistle.com which means you will get it delivered to your inbox, and you'll also receive my fortnightly newsletter/chat on non podcast weeks. If you would like to support with £4 per month, you will also get access to the undedited video conversation – it won't be polished like the podcast is, and won't have my chat at the beginning and the end, but will give you the opportunity to see how the interview actually went in real time, warts and all. It will also help keep the podcast going without the need for random ads! Please note that if you're a free subscriber, you don't miss anything, you still get all the best bits in the podcast itself.

THE STORY SO FAR: Welcome to our final episode from inside the wardrobe. We are relaunching with a slightly new focus in the Autumn which I explain about in this episode The previous episodes I signpost are: Menopause: 72, 78, 79, 91, 92, 93 The 5 love languages: 25 What is good sex: 94 Eating disorders or food related: 29 76 92 95 Grief and depression: 49 84 85   The link to my website is here The link for subscribing to Women What Whistle is here And the link to our Facebook group page is here As ever, thank you so much for listening – much love all round!!

Our penultimate episode inside the wardrobe before we launch afresh in September, with excellent words of wisdom from Winona Ryder and Caitlin Moran about ageing and how to find yourself. Click here to join the Facebook group page and here to go to my website. Talk to you next time x

Well well well! It's been a LOT longer than I initially thought but here we are! Listen to this episode as I process through managing change, the new world we find ourselves living in, slowing time and a catch-up on where we are now and what's coming next. 

Just a short 25 minute episode for our last podcast of 2021 in which I talk you through my 20 year practise of wrapping up the year just gone by. I promise you that you will never hurrumph at new year again. It doesn't need to take long but it's a sure fire way to make every year count and to start each new year afresh – and without a single resolution in sight!! If you want to email me what we talk about in this episode, please do so pipa.gordon@icloud.com For any other info, just check out my website, pipagordon.co.uk or come and find me on social media, or join our Facebook group. Happy new year!!!! COPYRIGHT 2021 PIPA GORDON

In this penultimate episode of 2021 I travel to Baker Street tube station and walk over to the apartment of my long-time friend and fellow broadcaster, Joanne Good. As the second oldest female broadcaster in the BBC, our plan was to talk about staying fresh and relevant, but as always we covered so much more! She talks about being a youTuber at 66, facelift spotting in Waitrose and why she blames Winnie The Pooh! We cover everything from dogs to bingo wings, but most importantly we talk about how to stay on top when it comes to all the different things life throws in our paths. Jo hosts a radio show on BBC London Radio 4 nights each week from 10pm and Sunday afternoons from 3pm, has a YouTube Channel called Middle Aged Minx, and hosts a podcast called Dogs In The City (currently having a break). She has an incredibly positive and can-do attitude about life which never fails to inspire me so I think you will love our conversation. Please do rate, review and share with your friends, we would love it if you join our Facebook group page and if you would like to get in touch with me, I'm Pipa Gordon, all the links to getting in touch and following on social media as well as other podcast episodes are all on my website pipagordon.co.uk

If you wonder if you will ever find your voice, or fear that you won't know what to do with it when you do, then check out this episode. It's a hugely inspiring conversation with someone who has forged her own path right from the start. We talk about politics, patriarchy, education, and media, taking part in life, taking control and finding our confidence. Alison Cork has lost three and a half stone in eight months, so we cover exercise, food, hormones, menopause, Campari, kids, chocolate – all while walking (not ambling!) around Hyde Park. Alison is a powerhouse, her website is alisonathome.com her charity for women entrepreneurs is MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS and you can find her on social media as Alison Cork. You can also find me, Pipa Gordon on my website, and please do come and join our podcast Facebook group  

Sex therapist and author Emma Waring joins me for an episode in which we pull back the covers on our sex lives. It is an area of life that we are often uncomfortable talking about and yet something that is so vital to our health and wellbeing, not to mention our relationships. In this episode we discuss: The value of sex and intimacy Dealing with previous sexual trauma Loss of libido and ways we can build it up Managing children at home, exhaustion and a busy work life Common barriers to intimacy – physical / psychological Sex drive and when they don't match Practical tips on how to move from the place of sexual negativity, through to sexual positivity Orgasms, how they work for women  Hollywood and porn, how we have been misguided by media  What is good sex? What is enough sex? What are we looking to achieve? Emma's book is called Seasons of Sex and Intimacy Emma's Website is  https://www.emmawaring.com/ Other resources mentioned: Seasons of Sex and Intimacy by Emma Waring  Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz  The State of Affairs by Esther Perel  Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel  She Comes First by Ian Kerner Fair Play by Eva Rodsky  Finally thank you for finding this podcast and taking the time to listen. Please do rate and review, and also come and find me on social media or my website. We would love for you to join our Facebook group page too.   COPYRIGHT 2021 PIPA GORDON

In this episode we wrap up Menopause Awareness Month by talking with Dr Zoe Hodson about testosterone and alcohol. It's not just about libido, we talk about the benefits to mental health, our mood, energy and mental agility. A decrease in testosterone can have a detrimental knock on effect to women's lives. Zoe talks about women being misdiagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, ME, fibromyalgia, POTS, even women being investigated for an early onset of dementia – all because of the dip in testosterone, a hormone that our ovaries already produces, hence, it's not just for boys. We also talk about the effect of alcohol and how during this stage of our lives, it has an effect on our heart health, sleep, anxiety and bone density. If you would like to follow Zoe, she's on Instagram and Twitter You can access the FRAX tool here You can order the Testosterone T-shirt here You can order the Make Menopause Matter T-shirt here Zoe works closely with Dr Louise Newson and there are heaps of wonderful resources on the Newson Clinic website too. Other episodes on Inside My Wardrobe dealing with hormone change and peri-menopause/menopause are episodes 72 78 79 91 and 92 Thank you for listening, please do share this episode with your friends and family and keep talking about these things, there is absolutely no shame in hormone change. If you would like to get in touch with me, please do so via my website, and if you would like to join our Facebook group page, click here.

On this episode we talk all about how our food effects both our physical and mental health. Our hormones are affected tremendously by what we eat and there's a reason why diets don't work, they don't give us the balance we need, for example, high protein = low mood. Clinical nutritionist and former chef Emma Ellice Flint joins me to go deeper into this conversation, she is passionate about making a difference to our health and happiness through food and nutrition, and hopefully you'll glean some great tips from this conversation. Here are some notes.. Emma's website is emmasnutrition.com – as we said there are loads of recipes on there, she offers 1:1 consultations, hosts workshops and if you follow her on social media, she's regularly posting more ideas for how to eat healthily. We talk about phytoestrogens and other great ingredients in plant food that specifically support our bodies as we go through hormone changes: Legumes, pulses and beans – soy being top of the list. Also in chickpeas, white beans/cannellini, haricot, butter beans, black beans Seeds – flaxseed/linseed, chia seed Top 3 nuts for women are almonds with skin on, walnuts and brazil nuts (just 2 a day) Dark berries on your breakfast Vegetables – kale, cauliflower, brussel sprouts Fermented food such as sauerkraut, kefir etc enhance your digestion High protein low carb are short term diets that can cause long term bloating and fatigue. Remember, high protein = low mood Exercise is also connected to gut function as well as sleep quality and emotional health. They all connect together. Emma will be back in the new year to talk about weight, but in the meantime, please do check her out online or on social media she is @emmas_nutrition Finally if you would like to contact me, please do so via my website, or click here to join our Facebook group.   COPYRIGHT 2021 PIPA GORDON

Menopause is often misdiagnosed so education is paramount. If we can know what to look out for, we will be far more equipped when we go to see the GP for help and support. This week we talk to menopause specialist Sharon Hartmann from the Newson Clinic. She works both in the NHS and the private sector so she has a window on both experiences. The effects of menopause start in our early 40s, sometimes even sooner and often they are misdiagnosed as depression, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, even alzheimers – you'll hear all about that across the next few episodes. If you haven't yet heard the other episodes about navigating and understanding the symptoms, they are numbers 72 78 and 79. In this episode, Sharon Hartmann was keen to talk not just about menopause, but how to talk to your GP about HRT and we cover masses – from migraines to endemitriosis, depression to pelvic floors, to how to apply HRT, the 5 year myth, the WHI Study, testosterone, the mirena coil and libido …here's a few break points: 17:00 symptoms, both physical and psychological 19:00 pelvic floor and bladder, vaginal atrophy 28:00 body identitcal HRT 33:00 HRT and whether or not to come off (short answer, no) 38:00 what to do when your GP says no 42:00 5 year myth 46:00 Is it ever too late to start? 50:00 testosterone 51:00 libido and anxiety 54:00 bad sleep and sleep hygiene 57:00 mirena coil We talk about the Newson Health clinic where you can get heaps of advice and help as being a great place to start and click here for the NICE guidelines to help you with approaching your GP. The Balance app is the other resource helpful for navigating and tracking your symptoms. Please share these episodes with friends and family, it's so important to keep the conversation going. Thank you for listening, if you'd like to follow me on social media, you can see all my links via my website  COPYRIGHT PIPA GORDON 2021

In this show we talk about anxiety, change, careers, teenagers, parenting, failure, adventure – all sorts! Cai Graham, author of The Teen Toolbox, is a parent and teen coach and joins me in a multi tasking episode. We talk about what teenagers need, what is going on in their lives, their unconscious minds, and how to cope with moodiness through to self harm. We also talk about taking control of our own lives, whatever stage we may be at, and embracing change as and when it comes. We touch on grief, depression and anxiety.  Cai can be found on all platforms and her resources are available via her website at caigraham.com her book The Teen Toolbox is widely available, click here to order on Amazon. Other things mentioned in the show: Aristotle quote “happiness consists in achieving, through the course of a whole lifetime, all the goods – health, wealth, knowledge, friends etc – that lead to the perfection of human nature and to the enrichment of human life. This requires us to make choices, some of which may be very difficult”.   Other episodes mentioned Menopause episodes so far  #72 #78 #79 #88 Lucinda Gordon Lennox “Nobody is Broken” #54 Cathy Madavan - When Life Throws A Bowling Bowl in Your Path If you would like to get in touch with me, all my links are available on my website pipagordon.co.uk and please feel free to join our Facebook group page for further conversations.   COPYRIGHT 2021 PIPA GORDON

It's all in this podcast! First up, we have a catch up after what has been a much longer than anticipated break, and then we talk with Lindsey Beveridge about her recovery from addiction and how she became a nutritional therapist. We hear about the needs of our bodies and how we can help ourselves form new habits as we come out of the experience of Covid and lockdown. We discuss the damage alcohol can do, but also how poor diet affects us long term. Lindsey talks about what we are aiming for, how to go about it, and even what is an acceptable amount to drink - and if you are on HRT, why it's important not to drink at all. She touches on cravings, burnout, genes, food intolerance, even how nutrition can support us during the menopause. Lindsey's website is www.recovery-nutrition.co.uk if you would like to read more about the work she does or get in touch with her. If you'd like to get in touch with me, all my links are on www.pipagordon.co.uk COPYRIGHT 2021 PIPA GORDON

COPYRIGHT 2021 PIPA GRODON

Why are we exhausted? Why are we not racing out of the gates now the restrictions are being lifted? Why are we feeling flat? Shouldn't we be feeling more excited and energised?  We have longed for freedom and now that it is here, we don't have the energy for it. Why is that? In this episode we begin to talk about the exhaustion that comes from prolonged stress, trauma and shock management. I saw a car accident last night and after calling 999 and reeling from the shock, I went numb. I needed to recharge after a surge of cortisol flooded my body to deal with what had happened. It's a similar thing going on right now as we start to step back into life, we are exhausted from coping and there is still more to cope with as we are far from out of the woods. It's been a while since I've been on - it's so good to catch up! You can join the Inside My Wardrobe facebook group page and come and find me, your host Pipa Gordon on social media. All the links can be found here on my website   COPYRIGHT 2021 PIPA GORDON

For the last episode of this year I threw open the floor to our facebook group and let them ask the questions via my husband Brian who added his beautiful mellow tones to the podcast! We talk about all the insights and learns from 2020, favourite conversations, hopes for 2021, George Clooney’s hair, padded pants, all sorts! We have a competition in this week's episode to win a 2021 A4 Passion Planner. UK address to receive the prize, closing date midnight on 16th December 2020, entrants to pipa.gordon@icloud.com Particular episodes we referred back to were: Ellen Carr #81 – fascinating insight on our doshas #64 - let’s talk about racism #blm #62 with Angie Fadel – clocking shoulds Saying no – Mandy Saligari #70 …and of course there are loads more – plus episode #42 where I mention Robert Waldinger.. https://robertwaldinger.com/author/bob-waldinger/ and his TED talk “how to have a happy life” You’ve been great company this year – do come and join in on the Facebook page, have a WONDERFUL Christmas, whatever it might look like and I look forward to talking to you on the other side xx Terms and conditions of competition: UK residents only, closing date 16/12/20 and competition is in no way connected to Passion Planner or any other retailer of Passion Planner

This week we hear from Emma Simpson, scientist and writer, wife and mum, and someone who experienced multiple traumas over a short period of time that turned her life inside out and resulted in her developing clinical depression, followed by chronic fatigue syndrome and a mast cell disorder. In this episode we hear Emma’s devastating story, about how she has learned to deal with PTSD and grief, about depression, anxiety, about over achieving, pushing away pain and the eventual breakdown that would see everything rise to the surface. If it wasn’t for Emma’s friends and family, she says she wouldn’t have made it through. This is such a real and honest tale of how life can change overnight and that the only way through, is by taking one step at a time. You can read Emma’s blog by clicking here you can also follow her on Instagram @lovelifelemonstones and if you’d like to get in touch with her for any coaching and conversation, then you can find her here on Linkedin. You can also find out more about The Winne Mabaso Foundation she mentioned here Finally, the fabulous quote she shared with us is: Ego says “once everything falls into place, I’ll find peace” Spirit says “find your peace, and then everything will fall into place” Finally, all the other episodes, show notes, links and ways to contact me are all on my website, pipagordon.co.uk and our Facebook group page  

2020 has been hard in so many ways, but like in any trauma or tough time in life, how we cope is often determined by the story we choose to tell ourselves. Here's a moving podcast illustrating how to find strength when we keep going anyway. Accepting who we are and where we are at, gives us so much power and once we find that place, we begin the journey of healing and freedom! This episode is perfectly timed as so much change has occurred this year in all of our lives. Much of it for the better, but also with lots of trauma and sadness in the mix. Nina Chesworth's story is a real example of courage, determination and resilience. She has had to overcome trauma in a way that none of us would ever imagine. Having become severely short sighted after having the flu when just 2 years old, had multiple operations that would succeed and then fail after a time taking her through years of torture; then in her adult years, had 2 separate accidents that each involved losing an eye. She kept strong for everyone else, until the final accident when she came apart and fell into a deep depression. Her resilience however, unfailing, eventually found the lifeline to pull her back out. She’s an inspiration and a true example of HOW to keep going when we are struggling to see the way forwards …. In this incredibly inspiring episode we talk about how Nina has developed practices to maintain a good place when it comes to her mental health, how she manages the ongoing stress that comes from Charles Bonnet Syndrome, a syndrome of hallucinations that comes about with sight loss; she talks about how her friends and family have been her support line and how she's had to rebuild her life over and over, clinging on to the determination that protects her independence and ability to be productive, creative, help others and most importantly be a mum. Nina has a degree in Design and art direction despite her visual impairment at the time, started her own business making her own handmade jewellery, and began the creative craft café in Manchester where people could come and express their creativity in order to help their mental health. Nina continues to support others with their mental health all the while adjusting and working with her own. Our mental health is an ongoing journey and the tips and insights that she shares during this episode are doable for us all. Do check out The Bridge and Sister Stories  so if those sounded like they could be helpful to you, definitely take a look. Also remember that we have a Facebook group page where you are always safe to come and offload to those who will support you, and please remember, as Nina said, things always get better. Nina's Blog - www.blindbbutsound.co.uk Twitter account @blind_but_sound Instagram and Facebook as @NinaChesworth  

This has been an immensely difficult year for everyone – in different ways we have made sacrifices, managed stress, illness, loss …the list for everyone is different. Whether its been isolation and loneliness, or fear for loved ones who you can’t see, or managing children whilst working, or desperately trying to find creative ways around running a business so that you can keep your head above water – we’ve all gone through it and everywhere I turn right now, people are tired, fed up, hanging on by a thread. In the news this morning there was a piece on how anti social behaviour and abuse is escalating in supermarkets ….. but it really highlights the mental state that some are in, there are many fragile people walking around on the brink So for my wrapping up of the people pleasing series, I want to finish with the importance of understanding how we are effected by life and what goes on around us and giving ourselves the freedom to roll with some punches – I don’t mean being tossed by the waves, we have a responsibility to manage how we respond to negative feelings but at the same time, it’s important that we acknowledge and understand what we are feeling – for ourselves. We’ve been a generation of goal setting reach for the stars and that’s great, the world has offered so many opportunities to us however right now, it’s so much more important that we take the gas off, that we allow ourselves to feel our way through the rest of this pandemic, to be connected to our feelings so that we don’t come out the other side disorientated or burned out but instead, we come out grounded, knowing what really matters One of the things this second lockdown highlighted for me was realising how quickly we had reverted back to life as we knew it pre Covid just in the last couple of months… shopping, seeing friends, people were having parties, meeting in restaurants, sitting close together …as if it had all gone away and we had forgotten. If anything, we can use this as a reminder that despite all the horrific things going on during lockdown, all the stresses and strains, we also all began to pair down and connect with the things that matter most. A friend of mine tweeted this morning about how low she’s been feeling of late …. Brian and I were talking over coffee this morning about the exhaustion we are all feeling right now – he was saying it’s a bit like when you learn something new, your brain gets tired – and we’ve all had to learn so much “new” this year – in the past we could go to work, go to the shops, go on holiday, all on auto pilot without having to think, everything was so familiar to us and suddenly this year that has all changed, very little is familiar, we are always having to think, be aware, do things a different way – of course we are exhausted! One of the things we have talked about over the last few weeks has been menopause as last month was menopause awareness month so add to that the influence on hormones in our lives, whether it’s your monthly cycle or hormone change in perimenopause or post menopause, add to that all the different stresses and strains being carried by those around us, add to that the not knowing of what’s ahead – yes the vaccines look really promising but we aren’t there yet – it’s difficult – let’s acknowledge that. . The reason I’ve included this as the final part of the people pleasing series is because it is vital that as part of learning about who we are, about getting to know ourselves and be ourselves, that we also learn to be comfortable in ourselves during the difficult times and give ourselves what we need – rest, support, a good book, a podcast, a walk in the woods …whatever it might be. That we learn to lean on each other, feel our feelings, not sweep them under the carpet but allow ourselves to mirror the seasons, right now to prepare for hibernation – we’ve earned it this year!!!! We NEED to rest and reset. Usually this time of year I start to plan ahead for the following year but as that process has begun, I’ve started to think about how I’m going to nurture myself and my family first, as Gayle Johnson talked about back in episode 75, use journaling and creative ways to process through emotions and really get in touch with ourselves, last week we talked about cold water swimming and how shocking our body into fight or flight, learning how to breathe through that panic response enables our neural pathways and physical responses to become stronger and more resilient to stress – in fact next week we have an incredible guest on who is the most inspirational example of living through trauma and coming out the other side – and that’s really what this year has been for us, By definition, a A traumatic event is an incident that causes physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological harm in which we might feel threatened, anxious, or frightened as a result. The reactions to trauma can include exhaustion, confusion, sadness, anxiety, agitation, numbness, dissociation, confusion ….all sorts. So in becoming more of ourselves, in grounding ourselves stronger in who we are and what we want from life, we also need to know and understand the other side of that coin, be able to recognise our negative feelings, where they have come from and sometimes allow ourselves to go through that muddy puddle, even sit in it for a while. We can’t rush these things – that’s something I learned through my divorce, I was devastated when I heard it would take a good couple of years to grieve and feel like myself again but that person was so right - and we can’t rush Covid either, we are here, we are moving forwards and we have all been marked in one way or another by 2020 – remember its generally the bad stuff in life that we learn from so let’s not race back to life as we knew it, let’s take the time to reflect deeper into ourselves, to get to know who we are and how we are feeling, allow ourselves to feel the Autumn and Winter of this year because Spring comes next and then summer. So however life is looking for you right now, keep going but be kind to yourself, be aware of what you need so that you can be even more of yourself both through the good times and the more difficult ones. I think you’ll love next week’s episode, it’s an incredible story of resilience In the meantime, take care, keep washing your hands and wearing your masks and if you’re feeling frayed around the edges, that’s ok, spring isn’t too far away – in fact it’s about the same distance as we are now from when we came out of the first lockdown – and that doesn’t seem to far now does it? Other episodes in this series: #73 Part 1: get to know yourself – how can you be yourself unless you know who you are, start to notice and be curious #74 Part 2: continuing with getting to know yourself, take it further and start to ask yourself about your opinions – read, think, question – be curious! Often people become people pleasers not because they are wanting to be liked, but because they just don’t know their own answers. How can you find your tribe, your people, if you don’t know what defines you? Why join a netball team when you prefer to be on water? #77 Part 3: boundaries – learning to say no and that realising that when you give your power away, when you’re always saying yes and standing aside, it opens you UP TO FEELING VIOLATED and ABUSED  #83 Part 4: today – putting all those things together in many ways is really simple but then the final point is this – life happens – and it’s all very well knowing the colourful side, but we are whole people and we also need to know our darkness. Brene Brown says “You can’t selectively numb your emotions” and in the same way, we can’t only know what we want, we also need to know what we feel …. #75 – writing for healing – Gayle Johnson #76 – How To Eat and Be Happy - eating disorders with Michelle Scott #72 #78 #79 Menopause and how hormones dramatically effect the way we do live #81 Ellen Carr – knowing your dosha and going with the seasons #82 – Chilly Dippers with Olivia Sharron  

Welcome to another episode of Inside My Wardrobe – I was originally going to call this “Keeeep Talking” as it’s Strictly Come Dancing season but then I remembered “just keep swimming, swimming swimming” – and I couldn’t really move on from that. You have to have seen the movie Nemo to get the title.  “Just Keep Swimming” is Dory’s line, played by Ellen DeGeneres and her motto taught to her by her Mum, when life gets hard, to just keep swimming …. This week’s guest came about after #76 “How To Eat And Be Happy” with therapist from the Recovery Centre,  Michelle Scott talking about eating disorders – she asked if I would be interested to talk to Olivia Hammond – Founder of Chilly Dippers which is a cold water swimming community that is growing across the UK to encourage not just physical wellbeing but to help people find and develop natural coping mechanisms for dealing with every day stress and anxiety – which of course was a definite yes from me because I hand on heart believe that the more comfortable we are with ourselves, our emotions, our feelings and learning how to express them, the easier life gets – it doesn’t stop the mountains from standing in our way, but when you have confidence in every aspect of who you are and where you’ve been, you develop a strength that carries you forwards over mountains and through the storms which are inevitable – how boring would it be to sit on a beach all day every day? I’ve talked before about how I was going to spend a weekend with a group of friends walking up Snowdon and down again but as life would have it, a family emergency cropped up which meant I couldn’t go but when they all came back, no one talked about reaching the top, it was all about the journey and who struggled and who slipped and then the champagne in the hot tub afterwards – mountains are good particularly when we climb them with friends. In this episode we talk about the importance of talking, of community, of looking around and seeing that we aren’t climbing the mountain on our own, so it’s important to express how we feel and then there’s this amazing effect that cold water swimming has – not just in the camaraderie around a hot chocolate afterwards, but also about how physically shocking your body into fight or flight helps bypass the mind and speed up the process of freeing our instinct to help us become people who have confidence in our own ability to cope when the going gets tough. It’s been proven to: Encourage Better sleep Improves circulation A Natural high Increases your metabolism Boosts your immune system Enhances happiness – releases endorphins Is great for the skin The premise of Chilly Dippers (www.chillydippers.com), is a mental health initiative set up by Olivia Sharron whilst at The University of Edinburgh to encourage more natural coping mechanisms for dealing with everyday stresses and anxieties. The focus is on how cold-water swimming and its mental and physical health benefits really takes people out of their normal routines, for even 5 minutes of something different to really help them gain some perspective of their worries.  Olivia says “I had noticed too frequently, so many of my friends battling with mental health issues and not being able to speak about it. Luckily, through the many ‘Chilly Dips’ I have hosted up in Edinburgh and in London’s Serpentine Lido - we have been able to challenge the taboo around mental health through opening up opportunities for likeminded people to share their stories / or simply just engage in a fun, outdoor activity”.  You’ve heard me waxing lyrical about the benefits of Japanese practise of forest bathing. It has been proven that intentionally spending time around trees, walking through woods and forests lower heart rate and blood pressure, reduces stress hormone production, boosts your immune system and improves the overall feelings of wellbeing – it just goes to show the importance of being aware of all the natural world has for us. On top of that, Chris Evans has been singing the praises of cold showers for months so you don’t necessarily have to take the whole plunge although I have to say, from those I know who do it, it seems to be addictive, my aunt in her 50s swims all year round in the sea in south west Wales – she posted a photo just the other day after they came out of their lockdown, the first thing she and a group of women did was to leap in the car and head to the beach, in November – and it’s cold on the welsh coast ALL year!! Lorraine Candy, editor of Style Magazine in the Sunday times recently wrote a piece on how HRT and cold water swimming together have really helped her through the menopause – and she only learned how to do the front crawl in her late 40s so there’s hope for us all! You don’t have to be a natural or seasoned swimmer – “the endorphin high lasts for some time, I can only liken the buzz to the heady days of the 90s rave scene” https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-8895561/Icy-dips-lidos-lakes-sea-daily-high-good-HRT.html People make extraordinary claims about how cold water swimming has literally saved their lives because it’s had such a profound effect on their mental and physical health – stress relief, depression – all caused by the body learning how to protect itself when faced with a surge in cortisol https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/cold-water-swimming-why-an-icy-dip-is-good-for-your-mental-and-physical-health/ https://www.iprshealth.com/news/8-benefits-of-cold-water-swimming/   Cold water swimming may help defend from dementia by stimulating latent hibernation protein, scientists say 'Cold-shock' protein - RBM3 - was first identified in mice after they were cooled It was found to trigger the removal and then regrowth of synapses in the brain Scientists wanted to see whether humans would also be able to make the protein And tests on lido swimmers have confirmed people can also produce it So the evidence is there, for ALL ages there is a huge benefit to cold water swimming but equally, and so importantly as Olivia pointed out, the importance of talking can never be underestimated. A few weeks ago we did a couple of episodes on what Dr Becky Quicke referred to as the third initiation of a woman’s life – of menopause, and of stepping into your queendom and being there for all the other younger women who cross your path so whatever age you are, reach out, not just to your peers, but to those older than you and to those younger than you, we are not designed to live isolated and disconnected lives, we thrive on connection and community so keep swimming and keep talking – and come and join in our Facebook group page as there are women of all ages ready to connect and share together. Links are dotted through the notes but the main one for Olivia is www.chillydippers.com and my website where you can find all the podcast episodes and more www.pipagordon.co.uk  

During this episode we talk with writer and holistic therapist Ellen Carr about connecting with our bodies at a deep level so that we can discover who we are and find fulfilment and joy in life. We talk about how the seasons around us affect us according to our Dosha, we talk about masculine and feminine energy, how the Western culture in which we live promotes more of a goal based masculine existence which pushes us away from the nurture and reflective nature of the feminine energy. We all need both, but as a society, we have become incredibly linear which isn’t good for us so we talk about lots of different ways we can find balance and develop non-linear ways of being that will help us to feel good about and connected to our lives. It’s a beautiful conversation laden with wisdom and once again, lots of food for thought. You can find all the information we talked about by clicking this link to Ellen’s website http://being-change.com/  take the Dosha quiz if you’re up for it and come and find me on my website or social media :) and here's the story of the fisherman: There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish. The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?” The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.” “Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished. “This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said. The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?” The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.” The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman. “I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.” The fisherman continues, “And after that?” The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.” The fisherman asks, “And after that?” The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!” The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

If you think that stepping into your Queendom alludes you, have a listen to this episode. A story of dogged determination, poor health advice, employment rejection and then a wonderful turnaround thanks to dogged determination and refusal to sit on the shelf! Serena Gay has spent her entire life as a broadcaster but then along came menopause, coupled with a major relocation and everything seemed to hit brick walls - until she decided that she wasn't done yet, she had plenty to offer and that "no" wasn't good enough! Serena's story highlights the importance of self esteem, awareness and a positive mindset to keep on going and to always keep learning. Menopause could have stopped her but she decided otherwise.  Listening to her story and funny anecdotes shows that even when life doesn't go to plan, when the body starts to change and the world seems like it isn't interested, THAT is the time to step into our Queendom and enter this next phase of life with passion, purpose and humour! We only end up on the shelf if we agree to sit there – like everything, my favourite and life changing lyric from back in the 80s when I heard it for the first time, as relevant in my teenage years as it is now and always will be – LIFE, IS , WHAT, WE MAKE IT. No one says it's going to be easy, but let's face it, the good stuff never is and we know that! So in wanting to keep our feet on the ground as always, this is Serena Gay, broadcaster and podcast producer talking about the gritty bits of getting older, additional struggles brought on by the menopause and how she has learned to manage her ongoing symptoms such as migraines and weight gain (spoiler alert, it's in the title) - enjoy! Serena's facebook group page is here: podcasting blueprint for business owners” Our podcast group page is here: Inside My Wardrobe And please as always reach out to me, I would love to hear from you. Pipa x

In this episode with @themenopausepsychologist we talk about navigating the impact that hormones have on our psychological state and subsequent mental health. We discuss the 3 stages of being a woman, from childhood, to puberty through to motherhood and into what has the potential to be our most fulfilling years, post menopause. Until now, hormone influence on our lives really hasn’t been discussed or understood much at all. They affect us from our teen years and learning how to recognise what happens and manage ourselves around our cycles is something that you may or may not have become the expert in. How to cope with the myriad of emotions that come with our menstrual cycle is vital because hormones have a tremendous impact on our lives at every age and stage. Dr Becky Quicke’s understanding of our cycle and how we are affected on a daily basis is eye opening. She has some incredible insight on the importance of tuning into our menstruation pattern and how if we can work WITH that monthly cycle, we can be so much more prepared for the years of hormone change as the menopause approaches. She talks about developing the skills to navigate through hormonal storms throughout life, and then with the use of what is called psychological flexibility, how we respond to the symptoms of menopause such as anxiety, depression, brain fog and tearfulness, so that we can experience that third initiation, or stage of our lives in as positive way as possible. Hormones can influence the way we feel, and this can mean we feel depressed, suffer mood swings, tearfulness, brain fog, a reduction in confidence, become easily irritable, we lose our sense of joy at the drop of a hat, lose touch with ourselves, forget things easily, lose the ability to concentrate – often so much so that we end up feeling forced to make changes to life and work that perhaps we might not have made otherwise. The 3 step awareness that Becky talks about in the acronym “NOW” is something you can find more about on her website: NOTICE WHAT IS GOING ON OPENNESS TO OUR SENSES WRAP YOURSELF IN SELF COMPASSION And whilst we are talking about this in Menopause awareness month, this is something that effects all of us, both women, and the men in our lives so please share this episode with your friends and loved ones as there is so much brilliant advice and knowledge in here. Finally these are the links to all the different things Becky and I  refer to during the episode: Red School and their book Wild Power  Becky Quicke website  Becky’s free resource on how to cope with anxiety  Instagram @themenopausepsychologist  Facebook @beckyquicke  Our facebook group page  My website pipagordon.co.uk  

Our hormones have for many years been subjected to shameful jibes however, they are immensely powerful and the driving force behind so much of who we are, hence the title of this episode. The thing is, they also change as we transition into the next phase of our lives around our mid/late 40s and when they begin to change, we can find the impact on our emotional, mental and physical health to be a huge shock to the system if we aren't informed about what to expect. If we can understand what’s going on, and manage the change with support, the next phase of life has the opportunity to be even more fulfilling and wonderful. The trouble is, we often switch off to its inevitability and think that its nothing to worry about until the hot flushes start which couldn’t be further from the truth! Just like achy joints, osteoporosis, brittle bones, and forgetfulness are NOT just an inevitable sign of ageing, they are all connected to hormone change which we can do so much about when we actually understand what is going on within our body. It actually starts in your early 40s so it’s important to know what to look out for, hot flushes are much further down the line so in this episode we literally list the lot! The trouble is, until recently, none of this has been talked about, menopause has been laden with shame, guilt and misunderstanding. The symptoms are way beyond what we have always thought and so when you know what to look out for, you are far more likely to be able to navigate this next phase of your life successfully and that’s what we are talking about in this episode, the symptoms to be looking out for. Davina McCall was on Loose Women the other day and said how awful the menopause had been for her because she never knew, because no one had ever told her what to expect – and that is the case for nearly everyone …until now, partly thanks to my guest this week, Diane Danzebrink who has been central to this becoming a national conversation and raising an army of women who have said enough is enough, this needs to be understood and addressed properly. Diane even took the conversation right into the houses of parliament and lobbied for change, successfully -  she is a hero! As women, we often pride ourselves on getting on with things and that’s all very well but in “just getting on with it” we are actually denying ourselves of the support that we could really benefit from, but even worse, we are allowing the stigma to continue because we are stigmatising it ourselves by saying that we SHOULD just get on with it. So, we can either arm ourselves with information, or we can exacerbate the issue.  We have had to cover up and keep quiet about this significant functional change in our bodies for generations, for the longest time women were just seen as the child bearers and once they were done bearing and raising children, they should be put out to graze and quietly fade away – a disgraceful concept today. The life expectancy for women used to be mid 50 but now there’s an entire life to be had beyond our biologically productive years, we have much more life ahead of us but it can be dramatically effected by hormone deficiency when the body begins to change if we aren't supported correctly. In this episode, I am joined by Diane Danzebrink, founder of the menopause support campaign and the driving force behind the #makemenopausematter movement to talk about what to look out for and the list is quite a lot to swallow – Anxiety Low moods Depressed Mood swings Tearfulness Brain fog Reduced confidence Irritability Loss of joy Poor memory Poor concentration Difficulty sleeping Fatigue Increased headaches Heart palpitations Hot flushes Night sweats Painful or aching muscles and joints Changes to periods Vaginal or vulval symptoms Urinary symptoms Loss of libido Dry skin Dry eyes Changes to oral health Changes to your hair Weight gain Feeling dizzy or feint Changes to hearing – some people hear buzzing and ringing, tinnitus type symptoms Restless legs Changes to body odour Increase in allergies if you had them before Changes to digestion – gut and bowel health The list is quite a shock to the system when you realise the effect that hormone change can have on our bodies but as you will hear Diane say, the more we talk about it, the more we normalise it. So please share and post away, use #makemenopausematter and please sign the petition because it is vital that education is increased particularly for GPs. If you’ve not yet heard episode 72, a beginners guide to the menopause and HRT with Dr Zoe Hodson, she talked about how GPs are barely trained AT ALL on the menopause or HRT and that is often why so many women are stranded with their symptoms, just feeling like their life and body is falling apart, when actually so much of what they’re going through is manageable – remember our hormones are amazing things, they are NOTHING to be ashamed of, they are PART of being a woman and ESSENTIAL to life – it’s crazy that we’ve had to suffer in silence for so long, and for many, it really is suffering, for years. Please don’t let that be you, and please let’s not let our children have to go through the same CLICK HERE TO SIGN THE PETITION to improve the education of our GPS and if you would like to find out more, here is the link to Diane’s website  Also if you’ve not listened to Episode 72, here’s the link to my chat with Dr Zoe Hodson “A Beginners Guide to Menopause and HRT” and remember to subscribe so you don’t miss next week’s episode on managing mental health during this very important part of our lives. Please feel free to join in on the Facebook group page called INSIDE MY WARDROBE and come and find me on pipagordon.co.uk  

In part 3 of our people pleasing series we discuss the importance of boundaries and saying no. Having solid boundaries is fundamental to not being a people pleaser and the cornerstone to good mental health. You don't need permission to like what you like neither do you need to justify yourself. Boundaries are the lines that define who we are and what matters to us and people will take what you give to them so be sure you're wanting to give what's being taken - if you're feeling burned out and running on empty, sure as eggs is your boundary lines need firming up! So, with World Mental Health day in a couple of days time I thought today was the perfect time to share with you something that was the absolute turning point for me back in my 20s and became the key to growth, healing and most importantly finding and becoming myself – which is a vital starting point for positive mental health, starting with permission to say no! In Part 1 of the series, we talked about getting to know yourself (episode 73) and in part 2, we talked about getting to like yourself (episode 74) so in this one, we talk about standing up for yourself and protecting your mental, emotional and physical space. So why do we people please?  we learned somewhere along the lines that we have to our self worth is based in what we can do for others, rather than in who we are we are uncomfortable with conflict and will do anything to avoid discomfort we have not figured out our boundaries How often do you find yourself run ragged because you’re doing so much for everyone else? Staying late at work when everyone else clocks off before you? Going the extra mile and wondering why others around you don’t and then expect you to keep giving and giving? We all need healthy boundaries which essentially are the limits and rules that we set for ourselves that ringfence our wellbeing. They are the lines that say, I stop here, I need to say no, I don’t want that, thank you very much. They aren’t meant to be rigid or inflexible, they are meant to be there so that you can first and foremost always have enough to give, but also so that people know exactly where you stand and where you draw your line. Once you start to get your head around healthy boundaries, you feel as though you have so much more control over your own life – now let’s face it, as we have really seen in 2020, in many ways, control is just an illusion but in those instances, where we don’t have control over what happens, we have complete control over how we respond and react to what happens next. So, in a dating situation, having a healthy boundary can mean physical touch, saying no, giving consent, but also freedom to say I don’t like that movie – rather than just always going with the flow and being complacent, the same in friendships. When we run parenting workshops, we talk about, boundaries being like a fence around a field. A child that has no fence around a field runs wild and has no ownership of their space because they can’t see where it starts and finishes, often they will feel lost and without a sense of self, but then a child with a very small sheep pen sized fence around them will feel hugely suffocated and restrained which will often cause them to need to break free and run in the wild spaces – but a field with a boundary line, a fence that says this is where we belong and a gate that says however we can come and go, be flexible at certain times, is always the healthiest way to raise a child. (episode 28 boundaries and parenting) In the same vein, if we have tight rigid boundaries as adults, we say no to everything and go nowhere, we miss out on so much as we keep everyone and everything at a distance, but if we have no boundaries, we have difficulty saying no to people, we quickly feel abused, used, and as though no one cares for us – a good alarm bell of not having healthy boundaries is if you find yourself wondering why it’s always you putting in the effort, or doing the running around – you’re putting yourself in that position because you aren’t respecting your own boundaries (episode 13, uncluttered – boundaries within the home) Another one to look out for is if we struggle making decisions without someone else’s agreement – needing a second opinion because you don’t trust your own – when we are dependent on other people’s opinions in order to make our own decisions, you can be pretty sure that it’s based in the arena of people pleasing – we have a need for permission from others because we haven’t defined our own likes and dislikes, yes’s and no’s. It is so important to remember, it’s ok to say no!! – episode 36 is dedicated to that, sorry not sorry, saying no. It might be that you fear being judged or rejected, or left out or left behind if you don’t comply with others – it could be opinion at work, in the book club – I remember when I first read A Passage To India nearly 30 years ago – I was mortified at the attitude of the British, wanting to make a British pathway around the world, I thought it was hugely arrogant and yet all the arguments at the time, were very pro colonialism still – these days  that has changed hugely – I’m glad to say – but to feel your own responses according to your values and then standing by those things, is crucial to knowing who you are and others knowing who you are too – we don’t need to agree, that’s not the point – we do all need to respect each other’s opinions though rather than just going along with the crowd – and even more importantly in this day and age – The Social Dilemma on Netflix showed how easy it is to be swept up with conspiracy theories and be manipulated with information so we really need to be responsible as to where we source our information from Over giving, over sharing, over serving, over sacrificing is something, particularly as women who naturally fall into that nurture and protect mode, can be susceptible to. We put ourselves in danger of being used, unappreciated and run ragged – for example, rather than losing it with your partner or your children “I’m not running on batteries, I can’t do everything, why don’t you understand” which puts it all on THEM, set a boundary line “I won’t be able to do that AND that so you’ll need to choose one” or just say no - saying no does not make you a bad person! Healthy boundaries means that there is a balance, we value our own opinions and aren’t phased by disagreeing with someone else, it’s not personal, we don’t judge, we respect their opinion as much as we respect our own. It works 2 ways, other people can like things that we don’t like, and that’s ok. We then become able to accept when someone else says no to us too, it’s a 2 way street. When you value your own boundaries, you value everyone else’s too. It’s also having the ability to reach out and share when it is appropriate as opposed to just painting the walls with how you feel all the time no matter who is in the conversation – boundaries are there to protect us, at every level. Setting boundaries will give you so much more freedom. When you know your boundaries, it is far less likely that you’ll do something you’re not comfortable with and at the same time you’re far more likely to do more of what you’re happy about! It’s all about knowing your needs and setting up life around you so that your needs are met – otherwise how are you ever going to feel ok? Emotional boundaries – protecting your feelings and not wearing your heart on your sleeve for everyone to see. Material boundaries – how you use your phone, how quickly you respond to emails and messages – phone etiquette can be immensely intrusive of personal space and you just need to dig your heels in and say no to those responses. Time and energy boundaries – doing things for others, giving yourself permission to say no Mental boundaries – freedom to have your own thoughts an opinions, your own beliefs, values – it’s ok to disagree Physical boundaries – touch is obvious – please don’t touch me – or step back and make it clear  but also comments “I don’t find comments like that funny or appropriate” “I think you’ll find I’m far from stupid” Sometimes setting a boundary can feel incredibly foreign when you’re used to being there for everyone all the time and sacrificing all your needs, so again, like getting to know yourself in part 1 and getting to like yourself in part 2, this takes time and practise – Brene Brown says “daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others” – and that’s why having boundaries is fundamental to not being a people pleaser and a cornerstone to good mental health because you are ring fencing your needs and ensuring that you are equally respected, loved and looked after – you cannot expect anyone else to do it for you, if you don’t first do it for yourself.  People will take what you give them and if you give them a never ending source of yes I can do that or yes I will stay late or you choose I don’t mind, they will take that – so start giving yourself the permission to matter and you will find, particularly if you struggled with liking yourself in the last part of this, you will find that you start people pleasing less, giving yourself space to find your own definition of who you are and slowly you will feel that by taking control, you’ll start to have control Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend – BOUNDARIES Episode 32 How to love myself  Episode 36 Sorry Not Sorry part 3 Please feel free to join our facebook group page and come and find me, Pipa Gordon on my website 

This week we talk about recognising the patterns that potentially lead to, or already point to an eating disorder which is a complex mental illness, often misunderstood because of media portrayal. Anyone, can develop one, no matter their age, gender, or background. There is no single cause and people might not even have all of the symptoms for any one eating disorder. Earlier this week we saw Freddie Flintoff’s documentary about his 20 year battle with bulimia in which he began to lift the lid on some of his personal battles (25% of people who suffer with an eating disorder are male) and of course anorexia is the other more well known eating disorder and yet, the causes and symptoms are still so misunderstood by the majority. Obesity is something we hear and know about and yet we rarely hear about the risk of eating disorders which are so closely associated. 1 person dies every 62 minutes as a direct result of an eating disorder – and it’s getting worse. We all need to be more aware of the patterns so well done Freddie for being brave enough to start talking about this so publically, it wouldn't have been easy as a big part of an eating disorder is the secrecy and shame. So symptoms range from purging, to restricting, to over exercising, using pills and laxatives, dieting – there are many behavioural patterns around all of these things and so during this episode we talk with psychotherapist and eating disorder specialist Michelle Scott from The Recovery Centre. We cover: Diets Trauma How we use our body to regulate emotions Anxiety How the Corona virus lockdown and pandemic has increased anxiety levels and caused potential harm to eating habits or a relapse for some in negative eating patterns Personality types and how they effect our ability to manage emotions Managing trigger foods As parents, what to watch out for in our children The fact that it doesn’t start being about image It effects people through all ages and stages in life Thank you to Sally Jane who shared some of her struggles on the Inside My Wardrobe facebook group page and allowed us to discuss them further in this episode. The Caitlin Moran book I believe is already available on Kindle but not yet out in hardback – More Than A Woman BEAT is the national charity for eating disorders which has heaps of great resources and of course, please get in touch with Michelle at The Recovery Centre if you would like any further support or more resources and interviews.  All my links are on my website pipagordon.co.uk and please if you have a moment, do share this episode with anyone you think it might be helpful to.     Copyright 2020 Pipa Gordon

Following on with the theme of people pleasing and discovering who we are so that we can have the courage to be our true selves, today’s episode is brimming with ways for you to peel back the layers and release the real you who has been slowly disappearing behind the layers of life that often result in us losing touch with ourselves and what matters to us most. It’s not mid-life crisis, it’s a wonderful time of enlightenment that can be hugely liberating if we are brave enough to go on the journey. Gayle Johnson talks with me during this episode about how writing, as an an act of mindfulness can enable us to condense our worries and anxieties in a powerful way that helps us manage our mental health and day to day lives, be it the requirements of our general hectic lifestyles or something such as depression and anxiety. Reflective and personal writing is equally as powerful during good positive times as much as it is during the more negative and stressful periods of our lives too. It can help with clarity in so many forms, using lists, mind maps, prompts and jumping off points all of which are devices that can trigger the creative mind and access our deeper feelings. The power of writing a letter that you know you’re never going to send is another fantastic way of releasing emotion and resentment and accessing some tricky feelings that ordinarily we might not know how best to process. It’s all very well saying things don’t matter however too an overly positive attitude, toxic positivity, doesn’t do us any favours. We need to learn to accept and be with the things that have happened in life, get understanding and then move forwards – as Anna sang in Frozen 2, what’s the next best thing? The world offers so much to our imagination but as Anthony Robbins says: “You will get there in 10 years, but where is there?” There is so much we can do in life, but it doesn’t mean we can do it all, we need to exercise deliberate consciousness by intentionally and deliberately choosing our next steps. On a scientific note, there is also a neurological pathway between your hand and your brain, so taking pen to paper as an exercise is very helpful not only in accessing emotions and feelings, but also in creative problem solving. We talk about stream of consciousness, lists and mindmaps, writing letters and even using devices such as the Haiku, a form of Japanese poetry that forces us to simplify and consolidate. Writing can be a really helpful way to increase self-awareness, help to identify personal values, the decision making process, why we do what we do, recognise limiting beliefs and negative narrative that we replay to ourselves over and over etc. I hope you enjoy this podcast and are inspired to use the skills of self-work that will enable you to go deeper. Do feel free to reach out to Gayle, I know she will love to hear from you. Her website is here, Red Tree Writing and you can also find her Facebook group called The Copy Kitchen Finally, remember to sign up for the 2021 news on my website www.pipagordon.co.uk and join in with our Facebook group page  Inside My Wardrobe   COPYRIGHT 2020 PIPA GORDON

How to feel good about yourself, accept compliments wholeheartedly, feel confident in your decisions and free from the need to be liked. In this episode we talk about how to establish your values and avoid the need for validation from others, or the feeling of being invisible or not important - you are enough as you are!! This is some fundamental life changing stuff - I hope you enjoy! Click here for the updated website COPYRIGHT 2020 PIPA GORDON

Fed up with people pleasing and feeling like you're not on top of your own life? Constantly scrolling through social media and feeling like you aren't where you should be? The days of following the crowd have to be numbered if we want to embrace and live our own lives and to do that we need to go right back to the beginning and get to know ourselves for who we were born to be.  As we come out of lockdown, how do we reintegrate with life and establish a new sense of normal without falling back into our old ways and habits? No amount of self help books and podcasts will help any of us if we can't get this one practise down to a tee!  First step starts here ..... Please do come and join our facebook group page, you can find me on social media, all links are on my website, pipagordon.co.uk and the book I read by Glennon Doyle, is called Untamed.

Dealing with self sabotage and overcoming our negative narrative .... Books mentioned: Untamed by Glennon Doyle Women Don't Owe Your Pretty by Florence Given All my links are available on my website Please do join our Facebook group page

Boundaries, healthy relationships, learning when to say no, self care is NOT naval gazing and so much more with the wonderful Mandy Saligari. See the TED talk "Feelings - Handle Them Or They Will Handle You" here Click here for Mandy's website and resources Click here for the podcast Facebook Group Page Click here for my website or search for Pipa Gordon on social media Thanks for listening and talk to you soon x

As we continue to come out of lockdown and attempt to rebuild a new normal, how do we avoid slipping into old habits? Amazingly, 800 years ago, St Francis of Assissi had some pretty insightful wisdom about what to do as you come away from crisis, he should know, he led his followers through many times of both invasion and crisis, surprisingly, the following points are still as relevant today …. Kindness and generosity – a spirit of service and non-materialism. The strength of community in forging new shared pathways towards a more fulfilling life in times of challenge. Love for and nurturing of nature. Simple and fresh food, with occasional fasting. Supporting the roles of women as compassionate and wise leaders, as embodied in St Francis’s elevation of the role and influence of St. Clare, his childhood friend. A sense of our place in the universe – a celebration of the sun, the moon, and the stars – taking our daily focus to a level beyond the everyday to our place in creation. Transcendence of the mundane is a time-proven means of generating peace and mental well-being. Meditation as a means to achieve and grow this experience. Transcendent music as a means of elevating the heart and soul. Rebuilding the church, as Francis’s visions guided him to do, according to the fundamentals of Christian teaching: love, forgiveness, simplicity, and care for the poor and disadvantaged. Renewal is the opportunity that arises from crisis and these fundamentals, all supported by science as the pillars of mental well-being, will serve us well! Copyright 2020 Pipa Gordon

Yay us, we have survived 100 days of lockdown!! But if it takes between 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit we are in danger of slipping back into our old ways unless we consciously make the effort now to pinpoint those changes and commit to them. So I decided to come up with a checklist to hold myself accountable and remind myself, hence the title, that this year has truly given us the gift of hindsight and we don’t want to forget what we have learned. They say elephants have amazing memories like humans, they mourn their dead – they literally have funerals, they bury them with branches and leaves, they have an incredibly advanced emotional memory as is their ability to problem solve. I don’t want to forget what I have gained from this pandemic which has brought so much trauma and devastation to many lives. Like a war, there is a cost and we remember those who gave their lives – in a similar vein, people have lost their lives to Covid whilst others have had the chance to improve their lives, in so many ways it has been grossly unfair and so rather than wanting everything to go back to normal – which in so many ways can’t happen but at the same time, will happen unless we put the effort in to learn from what we have experienced. Life has continued to be busy for me, but I have been massively impacted by the change in pace and vibe around me – I have been really fortunate as we have all been free from illness so I’ve been really lucky to enjoy the benefits that I’ve been able to draw from this time - its felt peaceful in so many ways. So, I have used the word PEACE as an acronym to remind me of the ways I have benefitted from slowing down and I intend to use it so that I can continue to embrace peace in my life, rather than become super busy again: P – PAUSE – just stop, read, listen to music, lie down and look at the sky. Even 3 minutes here and there in the day makes a huge difference E – ENGAGE with the moment. Listen, hear, talk, stop rushing to the next thing A – ADMIRE the world around you. Seeing the good around you, admire means “to feel respect and approval” so whether that’s family members, colleagues, friends, your home etc. I’ve been admiring trees and flowers like never before and it does something internally when we see good – like the law of attraction, you find what you are looking for. C – CREATE – you may not feel artsy, but I believe we are all creative in some way and there is something about being in touch with our creativity that gives a sense of wellbeing and fulfilment. Elizabeth Gilbert’s BIG MAGIC is a great book to encourage this, whether it’s baking, painting, sewing, writing, redecorating ….find your inner creative! E – EMBRACE – love on each other, cherish those who matter, spend time together, connect with our community – walking, talking, board games, sending letters, making gifts, sharing tomato plants and tray bakes – giving of ourselves to each other rather than closing our doors at the end of the day – an Englishman’s house is his castle – actually (metaphorically) keeping our bridges down and our doors open to one another And like the elephants, their leader is normally the oldest in the pack. They live up to 60/70 years and they pass on their wisdom – we can glean wisdom from those who have been here before Socrates 400BC Greek Philosopher “Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” “He is richest who is content with the least, for contentment is the wealth of nature.” Plato: 400BC “The greatest wealth is to live content with little.” SENECA “True happiness is… to enjoy the present without anxious dependence on the future.” I heard something this week, a quote from the wonderful Wayne Dyer who I was very lucky to work with on a number of occasions whilst he was still alive. I always loved his wisdom as it was so simple, outside of religious constraints and beyond ancient scripts, he just made a lot of sense to me. One of the things I remember him saying was that when you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice, and when you squeeze a lime, you get lime juice ….and when we are squeezed by the inevitabilities of life, what is on the inside is what oozes out from us. We have heard that hard times bring out the best and the worst in us ….we have seen  both haven’t we? We are not just body and mind, we are body, mind and soul/spirit, depending on which you choose to call it. It’s easy to focus on the body first, it’s what we see. We understand about physical health, physical surroundings and physical environment that affects how we feel. We are slowly getting our heads around mental health, as the pressure of life has become more intense over the years with the onset of working 24/7 and technology, we’ve begun to realise the importance of maintaining our health at that level too. Then there’s the other bit, the bit we don’t tend to like to talk about as much because it can then tip into the territory of religion and let’s face it, not everyone has had positive experiences there – however, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t another part of us, there’s this spiritual side that also warrants care and I definitely think that is something we have all become more in touch with during this pandemic – if only just by going for more walks and slowing down a bit, we’ve allowed ourselves to discover this deeper connection with what I call our spirit self, not our physical body, not our mind, something deeper that connects with something bigger – when we slow down and uncomplicate our lives, we find we are able to get in touch with that other part of us that so often gets neglected. The Year of less – how I stopped shopping, gave away my belongings and discovered life is worth more than anything you can buy in a store – by Cait Flanders 12 months – only bought groceries, toiletries and petrol – alng the way she challenged herself to consume less of many other things besides shopping, she decluttered her home, got rid of 70% of her belongings, learned how to fix things rather than throw them away, researched the zero waste movement and even completed a television ban – at every stage she learned that the less she consumed, the more fulfilled she felt. I think we have all touched on this over the last 100 days – but the question is, what lessons have we learned and what are we prepared to continue to work on? Enjoy x Links Elizabeth Gilbert BIG MAGIC Cait Flanders THE YEAR OF LESS And as always, come and find me and stay in touch, either via my website or by searching for Pipa Gordon on Social Media Back next Thursday!

Being single, childless, navigating online dating, face yoga, threesomes, fear of another recession, losing parents and dealing with grief alone – we go everywhere and believe it or not, manage to laugh our way through a chunk of it! So This episode comes off the back of one of your suggestions earlier in the year about living an alternative life, not getting married or having children – so I invited an old friend and colleague of mine, journalist Bibi Lynch on as she regularly writes about this in magazines and newspapers …. We actually cover a huge amount of ground, she talks about how the recession in 2008 wrecked her life, the early loss of parents, how she’s not had the chance to have children, she's had abusive neighbours, a real 10 year slog  …and then the pandemic hits and how you deal with all these things when you’re on your own – we talk a lot about being single and how society still doesn’t make space for the 25% of women who will never have children, we talk about online dating, face yoga, we talk about the concerns of what life is going to look on the other side of all this and we somehow find ourselves talking about sex and threesomes too … Journalist Bibi Lynch has been called one of the funniest women on twitter, she’s often controversial and never fails to make you think. We first met when working together at BBC London Radio just over 10 years ago, she currently hosts 2 radio shows, one for Soho Radio and the other for BBC Sussex, she also hosts a podcast called Good Sex Bad Sex, she writes for the likes of The Telegraph, The Guardian and Stella, over the years has been columnist to various magazines such as Marie Claire and Elle, she’s co-wrote various TV shows, hosts monthly panels at The Groucho Club – she’s unstoppable! The importance of being kind to each other isn’t just a notion, it’s a necessity – we don’t know what is going on in each other’s lives, we don’t know what wounds are being carried or battles are being played out I think we’ve seen with the “black lives matter” movement, even with “me too” a couple of years ago, that it’s easy to turn and look the other way when we feel uncomfortable or that we don’t understand but I really hope that we are learning that when we do that, we increase the pain being suffered and if we can be brave enough to allow one another’s pain to come into the light, it might just get the chance to heal so that they can move on One of the things that I really hope for our new normal, is that we begin to make way for each other more, where we become better at listening, where we become more open to hear and slower to judge. Links: Bibi’s website Bibi on Twitter and Instagram: @bibilynch  Join the Inside My Wardrobe Facebook group page Come and find me on social media or via my website

Finding ourselves, properly discovering who we are, deep beneath the surface is the very beginning of an awakening to life so much fuller than we may have ever imagined. In fact I imagine this will be one of those episodes that we revisit and listen to again and again as it’s a treasure trove of much wisdom. To hear more from Natalie, to try her meditations or classes, you can visit www.thecreateseries.com or you can  listen to her podcast called Let’s Play In a nutshell, we hear a LOT of thought provoking things in this episode,  we talk about the impact of life before lockdown and why we often felt so empty and unfulfilled and how if we are willing to, we can learn to expand into ourselves so that we can feel more deeply, listen to and connect with our instincts and that inner voice more regularly, Natalie talks about how to truly find ourselves so that we can BE ourselves, there’s so much in here that I know you’ll love! Natalie Roy is a Canadian actress and brings such a rich conversation to this episode. I invited her on last year after hearing her speak on our emotional anatomy and instantly knew she was someone we would enjoy hearing more from. We had talked about doing something around last Christmas but it didn’t pan out which looking back, I’m really glad about as I think the timing is so much better now as I think we are all that much more open to discover or at least consider that deeper connection within ourselves with the hopes of finding peace from within, because calming the storm on the inside is surely the only way to survive the storm on the outside – and boy does it feel like we are in the midst of one at the moment! So Natalie is an actress who lives in New York, you might recognise her from Law and Order, The Affair or Finding Erica, she’s an author, a fellow podcaster and most importantly is someone who embraces all aspects of what it means to be human – she’s a teacher of yoga and meditation and has some fantastic insight into what it means to be human, we cover a lot of ground from the spiritual to the practical, to how to go about creating our new normal to be one that serves us well, understanding why we meditate and that 3 minutes really is enough, we touch on the quantum realm, holding loss and fear at the same time as growth and opportunity – there is so much ahead and I really hope that you enjoy listening. If you’d like to check out some of those meditations or courses that Natalie spoke about, go to www.thecreateseries.com and don't forget the podcast Let’s Play I think a great take away from this is being curious about the evidence we are collecting and I’d love to hear how that impacts how you feel going forwards so please do reach out to Natalie and also do continue with conversations on our Facebook Group page. My website is here or you can find me on social media by searching for Pipa Gordon. Thank you for listening

The world feels as though it has been turned upside down and shaken to its core and with everything tumbling around at our feet how do we move forwards? When everything seems as if it can never be the same again, how do we do our part in creating a change? Climbing out of a hole involves hard work and determination and by taking one step at a time, we will get there. We take wisdom from the cupboard under the kitchen sink, being lost in Paris, Anthony Robins, Dory, Elizabeth Gilbert, a tapestry, knitting, ladders and even the Incredible Hulk in order to discuss further so that post pandemic, we embark upon a period of curiosity and change that allows us to be more understanding and connected to our humanity and nature so that this world can become a better place for us all. Quotes during the episode: Elizabeth Gilbert “I will not punish myself for the process” Anthony Robbins on taking control of the shoulding thoughts “I will decide” Dory “Just keep swimming” This is the link to our Facebook group page or if you want to get in touch with me, just search Pipa Gordon or head to my website

With all the events going on across the world at the moment following the murder of George Floyd, I realised how little comprehension I have had of racism in Britain and so wanted to have an open discussion on the podcast to hear more. There is no denying that this is an absolute atrocity that continues to play out under our noses and I have felt deeply challenged for not taking it more seriously and for not realising the impact it has been having on those I love. For this episode, I invited my good friend, Ayozie Pollendine and her 2 daughters, Daniella 18 and Kezia 16 to talk with me. Ayozie moved from Nigeria to Britain when she was 15 and until then, had never experienced racism, or not being seen as normal. Hearing Ayozie’s experiences in the UK shocked me, I had no idea of my white privilege until now.  Racism, both conscious and unconscious is going on everywhere. It’s not enough to say be kind, we need to do better at talking about it, at looking under the surface and at educating ourselves.  I will never again hold racism at arm’s length. It is relevant to us all, we are responsible together to create change. “I’ve never seen in all my time in this country, a willingness to address this head on. Such a great number of people are engaging with this issue and willing to speak up and willing to say “I don’t know everything I should know, but I want to know” and it gives me so much hope. I reay do feel that there is something happening, yes for a while it might be ugly – you know when a wound is open and its been there a long time, it is ugly, it’s messy, it’s not tidy, it doesn’t look nice, it doesn’t smell nice, but for that wound to be cleaned out, and to be out in the open so it can heal, takes time. I definitely feel hopeful and I do feel like there is an opportunity for change” AP "When you look at the way racism is ingrained in institutions, you realise that it is just as much an ugly problem here as it is in the States. It might look different, but it's the same." AP Suggested books: How to be an Anti-racist - Ibram X.Kendi So you want to talk about race - Ijeoma Oluo Don’t Touch My Hair - Emma Dabiri Notes of a Native Son - James Baldwin Dark Days - James Baldwin Africa’s Tarnished Name - Chinua Achebe Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race - Renni Eddo-Lodge Americanah - Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe Other Links: Ayozie’s website Etsy shop Kezia’s soundcloud Please do come and join us on our Facebook group page and all other links are on my website. Thank you for listening

Self-care and self-work are two very different things, does the latter fall into indulgence though or is it an invaluable part of our journeys to emotional and mental health? Addictions therapist Mandy Saligari says “your ability to be comfortable in your own skin is fundamental as to whether you might need to self-medicate later” and you will be surprised to hear, self-medication is not just drugs and alcohol! Following on from last week, episode 062 with Angie Fadel, we talked about shoulding, and how often we find ourselves feeling guilty because we think that we SHOULD be doing something that we aren’t. Our THOUGHTS have huge power over the way we feel and that’s what I wanted to touch on in this episode as a therapist friend of mine said only a couple of weeks ago “feelings are always generated by thoughts”. So whilst our feelings are important to feel, if our thoughts are mismatched with reality, we will find ourselves on these feeling journeys based in unreality. So if our thoughts generate our feelings, what if the way we think is wrong? I refer often to episode 9 – rewriting the script and beyond. Just because we think something, doesn’t make it right and so reading, exploring and even talking with a professional who is versed in how we formulate our thought patterns and emotions, becomes a helpful tool for us to get there perhaps a little quicker than just under our own devices – wouldn’t you love to have known what you know now, 20 years ago?  I had a conversation recently with someone who said they felt like self-work was naval gazing and that it didn’t really serve much of a purpose and isn’t it better to just get on with things, so I thought it would be great to explore this a little further because as Angie said last week, self-searching or self-work happens in many ways and over a period of time: Podcasts / Books / Counsellor/Therapist visits /Ted talks / Coaching – we often think that these options are the last resort in the UK, there is still such a stigma attached to the concept however counsellors and therapists, even the good coaches out there, are trained to recognise patterns of behaviour and challenge existing thought patterns in an environment that is safe, positive and helpful in a way that we may never achieve by just reading books or listening to a podcast because they are able to hear exactly how you are thinking.  We hear and read through our existing filters and lenses so having a 3rd party involved can fast forward the process by years. In this episode we hear from addictions therapist Mandy Saligari. She runs a clinic on London’s Harley Street called Charter, is a regular on national TV and radio and a real authority on this - see her Ted Talk. We did this interview earlier in the year for the parenting podcast as part of a series on emotional development and how it effects mental health. In this conversation with Mandy, we hear about the damage that comes from hiding behind feelings, how we internalise negative life experiences and how until we bring these things to the surface and work them through, we adopt coping mechanisms and even self-medicating habits which then in turn inform us and shape our thought processes. She says “your ability to be comfortable in your own skin is fundamental as to whether you might need to self-medicate later” – and you will be surprised to hear, self-medication, addiction, is not just drugs and alcohol….. We can spend a fortune on getting our hair done or buying good skincare and nice make up but the investment in this, at a much deeper level, is something I have found to be priceless so I hope you enjoy. Links: Mandy Saligari's Ted Talk "Feelings, Handle Them Before They Handle You"  Mandy's Website - Charter Harley Street The Parenting Podcast on Apple Podcasts  

How many times have you said "I should have ...." today? Laced with guilt and expectations often from an unknown source, we regularly put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to live according to someone else's expectation, but why?    I was watching Avengers Assemble the other day and Thor's mum delivers this profound line: "Everyone fails at who they should be, the measure of a person is whether they succeed at being who they ARE"  So in this episode we talk about emotional intelligence, boundaries, acknowledging and giving language to our emotions, recognising our needs, knowing our limits, lessons learned from lockdown and most importantly, tools to help us peel back the layers of life that we have built up over the years that hold us back from fully engaging with who we are for fear of rejection, further pain or just getting something wrong - HOW TO RID OURSELVES OF THE SHOULDS! My guest Angie Fadel is based in Portland Oregon, runs meditative archery workshops, does a lot of work with people around managing trauma and emotions, works closely with the LGBTQ community and her podcast is called Soul Care with Angie Fadel, you can find out more by accessing her website (she's the one in the cool swirly earrings!) At one stage I refer to the episode we did last year talking about the script that is formed in our minds during our formative years, if you wanted to listen, it is episode 9 called "Unashamed" and is still one of the most listened to episodes that I have recorded. The other episode we referred to called "Smile When Naked" was number 25 so just scroll through to find those if you want to take a listen. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one, if you cast your mind back to last week, we talked about the skimming stones and how the speed at which they skim across the water, prevents them from going down into the depths of what is below – in the same vein, when we charge through life at a pace, we miss out not only on the depths of the good stuff but also on exploring some of the not so good stuff that lurks down there that we continue to push down and pretend isn’t there. The more we pretend, the less we are able to be our ourselves or as Brene Brown says, you can’t selectively numb your emotions, if you numb one, you’re numbing them all. So in this episode we talk about emotions, the importance of grieving our pasts rather than just shoving the memories and feelings away, the value in taking the reins so we can write our own futures, and perhaps most importantly, we talk about shoulding – the dreaded “I should” that we so often battle with for one reason or another, I should have said …. Or I should have done …. Or I should go to …… Or I should say yes to  ….should start my own business, should have a degree etc etc etc As always please do come and find me on my website and please do join in with the facebook group page "Inside My Wardrobe"    

What do you do when you get back from work just after midnight and find that you can’t get in because the doors are locked with keys still in the locks? You think a lot whilst trying to keep warm, not lose your cool and make the most of a night spent under the stars!  So what ended up being a whole night on the driveway whilst watching the stars and the sun rise, I got a glimpse into the monastic routine of rising at 3am, enjoyed memories of Zanzibar and the Indian Ocean and pondered further on connection with life beyond language and logic, outside the machine we live in and acknowledging the importance of hanging on to the peace we have found!

This week, we talk all about business! It is being said that because of the corona lockdown, 1:5 businesses will never open their doors again so there is a LOT of change ahead, but that also means there is a lot of opportunity in store for those interested in starting up their own company and pursing passions and ideas that might have been hanging around for a while.   We bounce around all over the place, from knowing when to follow your instincts, spot opportunities and the importance of courage. We talk about recognising your passions and the essence of who you are and knowing what you can bring to the table as those are the things that will keep you going when the going gets tough; the importance of hanging on, when to be ballsy and when to be careful; we discuss the timing around finding investment, how to find out if you’re cut out for running your own business, the importance of failure and the value of self belief. We also cover why you should not let outward circumstances hold you back, and actually that you should never be put off by the state of the economy but instead, if you’ve done the appropriate research and if you’ve got a product with a demand, then go for it.  Alison Cork has inspired and encouraged many women over the years in their own personal journeys in business, she is an entrepreneur or business owner herself, a writer, founder of a national networking group supporting women in business, has a regular column in The Telegraph, has been the most successful female candidate running for the position of Mayor of London so far. Amongst all this, she is a wife and mother and contrary to lots of perceptions of women in business, is a lovely human being too – I hope you glean some good tips from this episode, I most certainly did! Alison says “The current environment is encouraging people to think more creatively and we have to re-evaluate how we are going to survive, what is our value as a member of the workforce going forward, what have I got to offer and I think we are going to see a lot of people starting their own businesses” If you want to contact Alison Cork and join in with Make It Your Business, please click here for the website Also if you would like to reach out to me, all the links are here on my website Stay well!  

Well this one’s a bit of a from the heart episode if I’m honest. I don’t know about you but I feel like I’ve travelled a fair non-physical distance over these last few weeks that has taken me deeper, taught me lessons about myself and I’ve observed some fundamental truths of life. Here’s what I’ve learned through Captain Tom, yoga, and doing a jigsaw …..

Why do we wait for a disaster in order to show our true colours? What is love anyway? Universal laws v laws written by man, unconditional love, gloves made from ants, shinrin yoku, the Truman Show, the green and the blue - its amazing what fits into 30 mins! I have found it so inspiring and uplifting to see the outpouring of love during this time of lockdown because of the Corona virus and I really hope that this love continues to infect and effect us so much deeper than any virus ever could, because we are seeing it pouring out everywhere and its GOOD! Elle magazine wrote an article earlier this week called “12 individual acts of kindness proving love and humanity will win over the coronavirus” and they talked about moving our focus from scaremongering to caremongering so in this episode we are going to celebrate and talk about, LOVE. Tonight, Comic Relief and BBC Children in Need are coming together for THE BIG NIGHT IN and the Comic Relief Tshirts are drawn by artist Charlie Mackesy with the simple caption saying LOVE WINS Amidst all the catastrophic effects that this virus is having across the globe, the devastation that it is causing to families, to friends and loved ones, to communities, businesses, and economies across the board, we are seeing something else pushing through ….. acts of love and kindness that otherwise would probably never have occurred. From people reaching out to their neighbours and communities for the first time, conversations from the other side of the road, shopping for one another, kids leaving parcels of cookies on doorsteps, writing letters and sending notes, the grandson moving in with grandmother with Alzheimers, companies donating skills, materials and anything they have; hotels giving rooms to NHS staff, businesses changing the way they do what they do in order to support and give – through to the more public stories of Captain Tom (£28million) and Kia/Ken 17 year old carer Kia gave one of her patients, 94 year old Ken, a cushion with his wife’s picture on it …you don’t have to go far to hear any number of these stories of kindness and compassion which way outbalance the frantic fights for loo rolls we all saw just a few weeks ago. The truth is, in the words of Wet Wet Wet "Love is all  around us" …we are seeing it, there is no denying it WHAT IS LOVE? When push comes to shove, we know, at least rhetorically that love is all that matters, it’s almost so familiar to us that we don’t hear it, it’s a word that we use all the time, I love coffee, I love holidays, I love Christmas, I love my dog – but what does love mean – what actually is it? Google says Love is a complex set of emotions, behaviours, and beliefs associated with strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for another person Oxford dictionary says Senses relating to affection and attachment - A feeling or disposition of deep affection or fondness for someone, typically arising from a recognition of attractive qualities, from natural affinity, or from sympathy and manifesting itself in concern for the other's welfare and pleasure in his or her presence. Also, a feeling or disposition of benevolent attachment experienced towards a group or category of people, and (by extension) towards one's country or another impersonal object of affection – did that tell you anything? If we look to the music industry, artists who are the orators of love and emotion: John Lennon – all you need is love Frozen – Love is an open door Wet wet wet – love is all around us, it’s everywhere we go Pat Benatar – love is a battlefield McFly – love is easy Adele sings about feeling at home or feeling whole It’s like how the internet connects us all in the 21st century, we can reach out and connect with anyone anywhere – love is a web that has connected us since the very beginning, to each other, to nature, to peace, to life. Wherever we are in life, no matter our age, our background, our situation or our position – there is one thread that joins us all together and that is LOVE So, why does it take something like this in order for us ALL to step up. Rebecca Solnit studied spontaneous responses to some of the world’s worst natural and man-made disasters for her book A Paradise Built In Hell and writes “the history of disaster, demonstrates that most of us are social animals, hungry for connection, as well as for purpose and meaning”. And that a truly dire situation, as tragic as it is “drags us into emergencies that require we act, and act altruistically, bravely and with initiative in order to survive or save our neighbours, no matter how we vote or what we do for a living” So we come back to the question, what is love? Is it just a feeling or is it something more powerful? The School of Life wrote an article called The Definition of Love  and in it they suggest that it manifests itself through charity, imagination, kindness, forgiveness, loyalty, generosity and patience So the supermarket worker who shows up to work even though they could be furloughed despite still getting coughed on and customers walking too close to them as if social distancing doesn’t count for them as they work there The taxi driver who is now delivering milk for free to those who are self isolating The carers who are giving every minute of their time to keep their patients feeling ok about life even though they can’t have visitors, teaching them how to use Zoom and facetime The technology companies who are making ventilators and the local seamstresses who are sewing gowns for the NHS The award winning film maker who is cleaning at his local hospital Those are all expressions of love aren’t they? So if love is indeed all around us – does that mean gooey cuddly feelings or does that mean that like the air we breathe, love is around us to give us purpose, passion, energy and a reason to be? Does the existence of love give us opportunities to go beyond ourselves? If we look at love as being the substance behind who we are, the thing that gives us life and energy as opposed to something we feel, can we then connect with something deeper? Something bigger than ourselves? And the things we want from life? Does that help us rise above all the hurdles we are facing right now as we desperately cling on to a sense of normality? In my experience, when we lean on what we are familiar with and get our sense of security from what is around us, as soon as change comes along, we fall apart because what we were leaning on was never permanent in the first place - It’s like that wonderful scene in Only Fools and Horses when David Jason’s character Dell has been leaning on section at the end of the bar and then it gets flipped up and he leans back and falls straight to the floor – let’s not lean on the end of the bar! If we have inner strength, that comes from a permanent source, ie love, we become as strong as Aslan the lion! It’s like being a parent, the whole focus of parenting is to bring your children up so that they can stand on their own 2 feet. Now how we go about that is all very different, across the world there are many different coming o…f age celebrations and rituals age 11-20 where the child proves they are able to survive. I watched a documentary last year which showed how young boys from a tribe in the Brazilian Amazon, mark their coming of age when they turn 13 in a Bullet and Ant Initiation. They are sent out into the jungle to search for bullet ants which are then sedated by a leader who submerges them in an herbal solution. The ants are then weaved into gloves with the stingers pointed inwards. The ants are said to have the most painful of all insect stings, and so when they wake up, super angry, they don’t sting just once, when one ant stings, it releases chemicals that signal other ants in the vicinity to sting repeatedly and so the excruciatingly painful initiation begins. Each boy has to wear the gloves for ten minutes. Enduring the pain demonstrates the boys’ readiness for manhood -- so few cry out as doing so would demonstrate weakness. Each boy will eventually wear the gloves 20 times over the span of several months before the initiation is complete. Now I’m not suggesting that we all inflict pain on ourselves in this way, however, if we pin our survival on something transient, temporary or transitory, we put ourselves in a position of weakness. We talked in episode 54 about finding your inner strength and resilience with Cathy Madavan ….this is how we survive. By drawing strength from and leaning on something that is permanent, never changing, life giving. So in a world where everything changes and nothing stays the same, what is permanent? Love – it’s the very fabric of everything. It gives, it expands, it grows. We know in psychology that green is the most soothing colour, it brings rest and relief whilst blue brings calm and peace – so the very existence of nature in most basic sense right now, is that it brings us peace – In Japan they have a practise called shinrin yoku which means forest bath and their practise is to take time every morning to walk in the forest, with the belief, and scientific evidence to back it up, that time with nature is good – so nature isn’t just there for the sake of it, it is giving out beyond itself, you could say, that is an expression of love. It’s not just a feeling, it’s action, it’s a noun AND a verb And what’s even more fabulous about love, is that it’s infinite.– when Brian first came into the children’s lives and we started to negotiate the life of a step family, I could see the guilt the children battled with, eventually they learned that your heart grows the more you ask it to. The more you love, the greater your capacity becomes to love even more It’s another universal law, like gravity – what goes up must come down, in the same way, the more we give, the more we get. Like the universe which has been expanding for millions of years - if we are able tap into the source, then we get to grow and expand with it, rather than shrivel up with resentment, fear and anger. There’s so much finger pointing at the moment and of course we will learn lessons and mistakes have been made, some intentional, many others not – but love is bigger. It provides space to give, to forgive and to move on into what will become our new normal. There is more to this than what we see right now, we just need to trust the process and the universal law of love – as I’ve been saying over the last few weeks, we aren’t the first ones to have trodden this path. I think that the reason why we often feel unsatisfied with life is because our focus is on getting rather than giving. When actual fact, our need isn’t to get, our need is actually to give, to reach out beyond ourselves and to connect as we are seeing all around us right now. So in that case, if it’s all about love, then ultimately, love wins …doesn’t it? We get there eventually. We realise, even in the midst of a pandemic that there is more to life than the Truman show that we were all existing in before this happened – did you ever see the Truman show? Brilliant movie starring Jim Carey if you’ve not seen it, it is a story about a man named Truman (Jim Carrey) who was born and raised in a movie set. This set is the size of a small town, and is enclosed by a large dome that, when looked upon from the ground, looks the same way our sky looks with changing weather patterns and a sun that rises and falls. Truman’s whole existence is this movie set. In fact, it is all he has ever known. He was born and raised on set, and now goes to work, comes home to his wife and hangs out with his best friend drinking a few beers here and there. But he doesn’t realize his entire life is a stage and everyone – from his wife, best friend, co-workers, policemen, newspaper boy, etc are all actors, part of a production that is being broadcasted to the entire world 24/7. Truman is an unwitting experiment, manipulated by a large TV network and used for the world’s entertainment. Fairly early on in the movie, the truth begins to eek its way out and he twigs that there is more “out there” and the story unfolds of his search for truth, for more, and the trials he encounters as he tries to escape are gripping, not only making it a fantastic move, but also a fascinating truth because I think it draws many parallels to our lives today – even though this was made over 20 years ago. We too have been institutionalised by our very own Truman shows, believing that it’s about owning a house, getting a degree, owning the latest technology, getting married. In another great movie Shawshank Redemption, Morgan Freeman’s character Red says I’m telling you these walls are funny, first you hate them. Then you get used to them. Enough time passes, it gets so you depend on them. That’s institutionalized." – and I wonder, have we sometimes been institutionalised by the systems around us, the ones that tell us that you need to earn a certain income, or climb the career ladder, or have children, or go abroad in order to have a holiday all those “things” that we work so hard to achieve, what actually matters? Love matters. Its all that matters. PRAYER = PEACE A couple of weeks ago I said a prayer on my IGTV and was amazed at the amount of people who got in touch with me saying how much peace it had brought them and that they used to go to church, or grew up with prayer perhaps at home or on a Sunday but that they had not continued with it in their life as church or religion hadn’t been such a good experience ….the very place that is meant to be the model of love has often been the complete opposite and feels like a place of judgement and criticism. …and so because of that, we ditch that source of peace that we once might have really benefitted from. MAN MADE RELIGION This makes me so sad – I’ve had a love hate relationship with the institution of church my entire life, however I think it’s really important that we separate the human intervention here. We created church, we created religions that have rules and boundaries, conditions and laws ….I have long believed that the worst ambassadors for love are so often the ones that proclaim it from a pulpit. We hear about horrendous child abuse taking place at the hands of religious leaders who are meant to be the very ones to provide safety and security – the absence of love is evident …and then we throw away the very source of where it all began because of human behaviour Love is part of who we are, its more than who we are, it’s when you move beyond yourself. Before religions and temples and churches came along and took ownership of these things, there was already love, giving, growing, hovering and protecting. And maybe if we can look beyond the mistakes and misgivings of human nature, we can embrace our humanity, our spirit or God-given humanity which is to love, to allow love first in all we do “but first love” has become my mantra over the years - I don’t actually think I’ve ever shared with you – I mentioned it on the Feed Your Fabulous podcast a few months back – for me that’s where all begins and is about – when we allow love to permeate through all we do, we find purpose and passion but more importantly right now, we also find strength that sees us through the storms, challenges and inevitable losses in life…. Because we know that there is more than this. So my hope and prayer for all of us is that love continues to infect and effect us and that you find peace. LOVE WINS - by the way, click the link for the book by the same title, it's by Rob Bell is absolutely fantastic! Have a good week, I’ll talk to you next time and if you want to reach out, all my links are on my website pipagordon.co.uk