Podcasts about sex gets real

Vaginas are important to us all.  Whether you have one of your own or interact with someone else's, a basic knowledge of all things vagina is good for everyone. So then, why is it so difficult to talk about vaginal and reproductive health? Why do women fear gynecologists? And how can we be more empowered by appreciating the female body and all it offers?To answer these questions and a whole lot more,  we asked Dr. Samatha McLean, DO to join us. A gynecologist passionate about women's health, Dr. McLean shares her knowledge and insight on this intriguing and informative episode.Special Guest:Dr. Samantha McLean, OB/GYN resident who is passionate about advocacy, reproductive justice, and my dog. Dr. McLean's suggested resources:Check out these books:Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get Itby Laurie MintzCome as You Are by Emily NagoskOr listen to these podcasts: Sex With Emily or Sex Gets Real

Fat-positive sex and relationship coach and fellow podcast host Dawn Serra returns to the podcast to discuss how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting our relationships with food and highlighting existing social injustices, how diet culture robs us of our ability to embody pleasure, desirability politics and its links to diet culture and oppressive beauty standards, navigating romantic relationships while in recovery, and so much more. Plus, Christy answers a listener question about how to tell whether your eating and exercise are intuitive or compulsive amid COVID-19 stress. (This episode originally aired on May 11, 2020.) Dawn Serra has dedicated her life to unraveling the cultural stories that impact our relationship to our pleasure, our bodies, and our lives. Dawn is considered a leader in the field of sexuality and relationships, with a focus in pleasure for people recovering from eating disorders and those in fat bodies. She is a therapeutic sex & relationship coach, a Certified Body Trust® Provider, speaker, podcaster, facilitator, consultant, and entrepreneur. Host of the weekly feminist podcast, Sex Gets Real, and creator of the free annual online conference, Explore More Summit, Dawn has interviewed dozens of thought leaders from around the world. As a white, cis, middle class, queer, fat, survivor, Dawn's work is a fiercely compassionate invitation for each of us to deepen our relationships with our bodies and our pleasure as an antidote to the trauma, disconnection, and isolation so many of us feel. Your pleasure matters. Your body is wise. Dawn's work is all about creating spaces and places for you to explore what that means on your terms. Find her online at DawnSerra.com. Subscribe to our newsletter, Food Psych Weekly, to keep getting new weekly Q&As and other new content while the podcast is on hiatus! If you're ready to break free from diet culture once and for all, come check out Christy's Intuitive Eating Fundamentals online course. You'll get all your questions answered in an exclusive monthly podcast, plus ongoing support in our private community forum and dozens of hours of other great content. Christy's first book, Anti-Diet, is available wherever you get your books. Order online at christyharrison.com/book, or at local bookstores across North America, the UK, Australia, and New Zealand. Grab Christy's free guide, 7 simple strategies for finding peace and freedom with food, for help getting started on the anti-diet path. For full show notes and a transcript of this episode, go to christyharrison.com/foodpsych. Ask your own question about intuitive eating, Health at Every Size, or eating disorder recovery at christyharrison.com/questions.

Mais uma série! Dessa vez a gente expandiu o quadro “Entre Tapas e Cuidados” pra um episódio inteirinho lendo as mensagens de vocês. Nesse episódio aqui, a gente conta o que rolou com o nosso Instagram, lemos os feedbacks e respondemos às perguntas de vocês. Algumas das perguntas envolvem a ida a um primeiro evento, irmãos/irmãs de coleira, boas práticas de negociação, vergonha e timidez para começar a praticar, o que fazer quando ainda se mora com os pais e muito mais. *Atenção para os avisos de gatilho: trecho 1 entre 8m15s e 15m10s e trecho 2 entre 39m48s e 50m20s. * Nossas arrobas no Instagram: @rainha.ada @riggerkali @aprendiz_bondage Minutagens: 1m16s O que aconteceu com o nosso Instagram? 5m55s Introdução do episódio 6m40s Feedback 8m Feedback + Pergunta (AVISO DE GATILHO: relato de possível abuso, marcas visíveis) A pessoa citada é a Rain DeGrey, acredito que a fala mencionada é do podcast “Sex Gets Real 140”. 15m10s Mais feedbacks 20m05s Feedback + Perguntas (eventos fetichistas, irmãs/irmãos de coleira) 33m15s Mais feedbacks 39m48s Feedback sobre o episódio 7, da Serena Rose (AVISO DE GATILHO: práticas anais extremas, gape, rosebud, prolapso etc.) Autora/educadora/diretora mencionada: Tristan Taormino. 50m25s Perguntas (timidez para praticar, morar com os pais) 1h00m30s Última perguntas! Música da abertura: Delicious, da Ruby Amanfu 1h02m17s Nossas Chicotadas @engelropes Conferência Nós Brasil Shibari Study https://shibaristudy.com @darkroomcla @hackingsex 1h05m25s Mensagens finais, agradecimentos e Aftercare Siga-nos no Twitter e no seu agregador de podcasts preferido para não perder nenhuma novidade e conta pra gente o que você achou! Esperamos que vocês curtam ouvir, trocar experiências e debater conosco sobre esse universo tão amplo, divertido e excitante. Envie um áudio pra gente (clica em “Message”): https://anchor.fm/chicotadas // [instagram desativado] / https://twitter.com/chicotadascast / chicotadaspodcast@gmail.com / https://curiouscat.qa/ChicotadasPodcast

Body-positive sex coach and fellow podcast host Dawn Serra joins us to talk about the social currency that comes with dieting and pursuing weight loss, her work in sexuality and how it intersects with fat activism, body image struggles within sexual experiences, how weight discrimination affects people in larger bodies, thin privilege, the good-fatty/bad-fatty dichotomy, cultivating curiosity with food and pleasure, and so much more! Plus, Christy answers a listener question about gender dysphoria and disordered eating. This episode was originally published on January 29, 2018. Sex is a social skill. Dawn Serra speaks it, writes it, teaches it, and she helps you learn how to develop it. Committed to ending sexual and bodily shame, Dawn is the creator and host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real as well as the radical online summit, Explore More. In addition to working one-on-one with clients around pleasure, desire, and connection, she also lectures at colleges and universities on sex, relationships, and body politics. It's not all work though! In her downtime, Dawn can be found making up absurd games with her husband or reading a great book with her cats. Find her online at DawnSerra.com. For full show notes and a transcript of this episode, go to christyharrison.com/foodpsych. Ask your own question about intuitive eating, Health at Every Size, or eating disorder recovery at christyharrison.com/questions. Christy's book, Anti-Diet, is available wherever you get your books. Order online at christyharrison.com/book, or at local bookstores across North America, the UK, Australia, and New Zealand. Grab Christy's free guide, 7 simple strategies for finding peace and freedom with food, for some ideas of how to get started on the anti-diet path. If you're ready to break free from diet culture once and for all, come check out Christy's Intuitive Eating Fundamentals online course.

Fat-positive sex and relationship coach and fellow podcast host Dawn Serra returns to the podcast to discuss how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting our relationships with food and highlighting existing social injustices, how diet culture robs us of our ability to embody pleasure, desirability politics and its links to diet culture and oppressive beauty standards, navigating romantic relationships while in recovery, and so much more. Plus, Christy answers a listener question about how to tell whether your eating and exercise are intuitive or compulsive amid COVID-19 stress. Dawn Serra has dedicated her life to unraveling the cultural stories that impact our relationship to our pleasure, our bodies, and our lives. Dawn is considered a leader in the field of sexuality and relationships, with a focus in pleasure for people recovering from eating disorders and those in fat bodies. She is a therapeutic sex & relationship coach, a Certified Body Trust® Provider, speaker, podcaster, facilitator, consultant, and entrepreneur. Host of the weekly feminist podcast, Sex Gets Real, and creator of the free annual online conference, Explore More Summit, Dawn has interviewed dozens of thought leaders from around the world. As a white, cis, middle class, queer, fat, survivor, Dawn's work is a fiercely compassionate invitation for each of us to deepen our relationships with our bodies and our pleasure as an antidote to the trauma, disconnection, and isolation so many of us feel. Your pleasure matters. Your body is wise. Dawn's work is all about creating spaces and places for you to explore what that means on your terms. Find her online at DawnSerra.com. This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp online counseling. Go to betterhelp.com/christy for a 7-day free trial to connect with a great therapist from the comfort and safety of home. Christy's new book, Anti-Diet, is available wherever you get your books! Order online at christyharrison.com/book, or at local bookstores across North America, the UK, Australia, and New Zealand. Grab Christy's free guide, 7 simple strategies for finding peace and freedom with food, to get started on the anti-diet path. If you're ready to break free from diet culture once and for all, come check out Christy's Intuitive Eating Fundamentals online course. Ask your own question about intuitive eating, Health at Every Size, or eating disorder recovery at christyharrison.com/questions. For full show notes and a transcript of this episode, go to christyharrison.com/foodpsych.

tl;dr JoEllen Notte is here to help us explore depression, relationships, and how depression and mental health can impact sex and desire, plus connecting during a pandemic. Explore More Summit is happening NOW! Grab your free ticket by registering today for this free, entirely online conference that happens April 20-29th featuring 28 delicious, timely, intimate talks. Head to exploremoresummit.com and register. We've got Pleasure Mechanics, Rachel Cole, Prentis Hemphill, Andrea Glik, Jennifer Mullan, Kai Cheng Thom, and so many others. Don't miss it! Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week you get to hear a bonus chat between JoEllen and I on this cultural idea that people with depression are essentially asexual, desexualized humans and what JoEllen actually found in all of her research plus looking at sex as an a la carte menu versus a buffet. (And Eeyore masturbating totally gets talked about.) Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. In this episode, JoEllen and I talk about her new book, "The Monster Under the Bed" which is all about sex, depression, and relationships. We talk about how the entire world is coping and struggling with depression, anxiety, panic, and trying to survive the unknown. How normal it is to be feeling numb and disconnected while also feeling more emotional and tender. We explore how being in close quarters with a partner can lead to a reckoning with our relationships, important questions to ask ourselves during these times when we're wondering if our relationship is the problem or just how terrible things are in general and how to tease out whether it's the person or the relationship. JoEllen and I share some of the catastrophizing stories our brains like to tell us and ways we cope, plus communicating our mental health needs with a partner and why context matters SO much when it comes to our libido and pleasure. JoEllen also cannot stress enough how important it is to read Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are" if you haven't already. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About JoEllen Notte: JoEllen Notte is a certified sex educator, writer, speaker, sexuality researcher, and mental health advocate. She blogs at The Redhead Bedhead and has been published by the BBC, Glamour, Bitch Media, xoJane, and Kinkly. JoEllen's book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren't Having will be released on March 27, 2020. Stay in touch with JoEllen at redheadbedhead.com and get a copy of The Monster Under the Bed at your favorite local bookstore. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep301

tl;dr Jaclyn Friedman on believing women, what happens when we disclose our trauma, and why our PERCEPTION of who is a victim impacts how we view all victims. We're talking about her new book with Jessica Valenti, "Believe Me". Explore More Summit is happening NEXT WEEK. Grab your free ticket by registering today for this free, entirely online conference that happens April 20-29th featuring 28 delicious, timely, intimate talks. Head to exploremoresummit.com now! Finally, Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week you get to hear a bonus chat between Jaclyn Friedman and I on Tina Horn's fantastic essay speaking to why pleasure should not be the measure for sex work and porn performers. It's SOOOO good and super important for folks who truly want to support those in the field. Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. I love every time I get to be in conversation with Jaclyn, and this was no different. We explore the difference between what it means to believe women versus what it means to believe ALL women, and why that distinction is important. We dive into what it means that women, femmes, and feminized folks often have a different set of memories than cis men. The ways survivors are retraumatized by courts, lawyers, and our "justice" system. So much of "Believe Me" demonstrates the ways we would all move closer to liberation if we centered Black women and trans women, and we explore all the ways so many of us are only trusted if we disclose the gory details of our trauma but in doing so we are also seen as discredited and no longer experts in anything except our trauma. Jaclyn shares what social researchers have long demonstrated: that collectively we not only hold women to much higher standards, but as a woman's credibility goes up, we like her less for it and actively punish her for that growing credibility. So what can we do about it? Where do we go? It's such an important discussion about a very important book, and I hope you'll get yourself a copy. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Jaclyn Friedman: Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, educator and activist, and creator of four books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009), What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety, Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All, and her latest, Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change the World. Her podcast, also called Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire. As an undergraduate, Jaclyn thought she was too smart to become a victim of sexual assault – until another student proved her wrong. That experience eventually led her to become a student and instructor of IMPACT safety training. At IMPACT, she helped bring safety skills to the communities which most need them, including gang-involved high school students and women transitioning out of abusive relationships. Friedman’s work has popularized the “yes means yes” standard of sexual consent that is quickly becoming law on many US campuses. In her book, Unscrewed, she calls on the movement for women’s sexual liberation to move past individualistic “empowerment” messages (for which she coined the term “fauxpowerment”) to focus on collectively transforming the systems and institutions invested in keeping women sexually servile. Kirkus called it “a potent, convincing manifesto,” and Kate Tuttle, president of the National Book Critics Circle, called it “the book we need right now.” Friedman is a popular speaker on campuses and at conferences across the US and beyond. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Nightline, PBS News Hour, Call Your Girlfriend, and numerous other audio and TV shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including The New York Times, Vox, Refinery 29, The Washington Post, Glamour, and The Guardian. Friedman is a founder and the former executive director of Women, Action & the Media, where she led the successful #FBrape campaign to apply Facebook’s hate-speech ban to content that promotes gender-based violence. More recently, she has been active in the Jews Against ICE movement, with whom she was arrested at a protest this summer.  Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep300 for the transcript

tl;dr Leonore Tjia on highly sensitive people, relational work, and why modern mental health models are inherently anti-erotic. Explore More Summit registration is OPEN. Grab your free ticket by registering today for this free, entirely online conference that happens April 20-29th featuring 28 delicious, timely, intimate talks. Head to exploremoresummit.com now! Finally, Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week you get to hear a private conversation Leonore and I had prior to recording for the podcast. We didn't intend for this to be heard, but it was so good I had to share! Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. In my chat with Leonore, we explore what a highly sensitive person is and why Leonore has been holding workshops on sex for HSPs. We also talk about the difference between highly sensitive and high sensation seeking. Leonore shares about how resentment builds with tolerating and performing emotional labor as a highly sensitive person. Plus, the impact to our libido and desire when we don't feel welcome as who we really are (because of a fear and experience of being too much). Leonore talks about the erotic suffering we are living in and how modern medicine pathologizes valid experiences. We explore what partners of HSPs need to know about supporting highly sensitive people, and what it means for Leonore to be shifting her professional work to a more relational capacity. What if we all had more places where people genuinely wanted to hear about our experiences, even if it was uncomfortable? We discuss how worthiness ties to healthier and more connected relationships, boundaries and how we take responsibility for things that aren't ours which leads to codependence and pain. Plus, why knowing what is not yours takes a lot of practice and work on our worthiness and self-love. Leonore names why eros can't move through us when we are in fight/flight/freeze/fawn, not to the extent that it's possible, so the process of finding our inner authority and transforming shame into courage creates a good container for eros to visit. We both talk about why our work is dedicated to deeply shifting our ways of relating with ourselves, each other, and the world - because we need to change things, and it starts with our most intimate relationships. Finally, we geek out on the harm and damage mainstream mental health causes when it operates from within the dominant paradigm. We discuss: the normativity of modern mental health models, how little sexuality training therapists receive, and its goal is to bring us into alignment with oppressive systems. Leonore sees much of modern mental health as inherently anti-erotic. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Leonore Tjia: Leonore is a feminist sexuality educator who helps people create more presence, play, pleasure and power in the bedroom and beyond. As a trained practitioner of Internal Family Systems therapy, she assists people in recovering the parts of their sexual selves that have been exiled and repressed. Her workshops and teaching bring an ecological focus to sexual empowerment, helping people to reconnect to erotic vitality and step into sexual wildness. She is the founder of the Nordic Woman retreat, which combines wilderness skills and expressive arts in the Swedish backcountry. Stay in touch with Leonore at rewildingtheheart.com and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon! at dawnserra.com/ep299

tl;dr We are talking vaginal discharge, FGM or genital cutting scars, cheating when a partner has Alzheimers, and how to teach your kids the importance of pleasure with food. Power in Pleasure, my 5-week online course all about pleasure is now enrolling. The next cohort starts March 22nd, so do not miss it! Especially now with the news cycle and the fear. Spending some dedicated time for 5 weeks, plus 6 intimate group calls, to explore pleasure and safety is sooo important. Check out the details and enroll now. First up - BE SURE TO SIGN-UP FOR THE BODY TRUST SUMMIT!!! There are still 3 days left which means NINE free talks to see, and there is a 90-minute Parenting with Body Trust panel on Tuesday, March 17th that is a MUST for parents and caregivers of small children. Register, for free, now because it's entirely online and ends March 17th. Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week's bonus will be at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Enjoy! Also, I love your emails. Send your questions my way! You can use the contact form at dawnserra.com. On to the episode! I Sense You Are Stronger Than Me wrote in asking about vaginal discharge. Occasionally, especially after sex, ISYASTM will have thick, white discharge and they are embarrassed to go to the doctor to get it checked. Is it normal? What is it? I share a few articles with you about the ways our discharge can change over the month and the impact that condom-less intercourse with a penis can have on vaginal pH and discharge. Links to all the articles mentioned in this episode are at dawnserra.com/ep298. Next up, North is struggling because they have a lovely partner they've been with a year. Everything is fantastic. The problem? North's partner experienced genital cutting (many people know it as FGM or FGC) and the scars on their partner's genitals trigger a disgust response. North isn't disgusted by their partner, but by the evidence of the violence that was done to them. How can they move past it all? Donald Alone wrote in concerned that he is cheating. He is in his 80s, and his wife has Alzheimers and is in a memory care facility. Donald recently met a woman who, while married has been left by her husband, and the two of them are hitting it off. They've kissed and they are wondering if what they've done is considered cheating. Finally, Eating Momma loves the idea of eating for pleasure and wants to help teach her 9-year-old daughter the importance of pleasure around food. How does she do that? A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon! at dawnserra.com/ep298

tl;dr Christy Harrison of Food Psych is here to talk about pleasure, happiness, weight stigma, what it means to be anti-diet, and why trusting our hungers around food & sex is so important. Part 2 of 2!   I am so excited to share Part 2 of this 2 part conversation with the incredible Christy Harrison! If you haven't heard Part 1, hop over and give that a listen before diving into this episode.   Christy is an anti-diet dietitian, host of the Food Psych Podcast, and she just published a book that we are exploring here called, "Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating".   Before we get into my chat with Christy, I wanted to share a post on Tumblr by Inkdot about clothing that I wish more of us knew. The dressing room can be a fraught place for many of us - clothes never seem to fit just right, or the arbitrary sizes bring up shame. Head to dawnserra.com/ep297 for a link to this piece about celebrities and clothes might bring some relief to those of us who struggle with finding clothing that fits our bodies.   Be Nourished's free online Body Trust Summit is March 11-17 and it is going to be fantastic. If you like my conversation with Christy this week, the summit is 24 talks that will take you even deeper into your relationship with food, body, pleasure, and healing. Register now!   Finally, Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week are going to explore our body stories and I'm going to share a few more awesome bits from Christy's book for us all to be in together. Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.   So back to my chat with Christy:   This week on Part 2 of my conversation with Christy Harrison we continue our exploration of many of the lies we've been sold, desirability politics and changing bodies, and why the problem is NOT weight but rather weight stigma and a focus on dieting.   All of this ties so so intimately to the ways we experience sex, the ways we navigate consent, how we set boundaries, and do relationship.   Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Christy Harrison: Christy Harrison, MPH, RD, CDN is an anti-diet registered dietitian nutritionist, certified intuitive eating counselor, and author of the book Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating(Little, Brown Spark 2019). She offers online courses and private intuitive eating coaching to help people all over the world make peace with food and their bodies. Since 2013 Christy has hosted Food Psych, a weekly podcast exploring people’s relationships with food and paths to body liberation. It is now one of iTunes’ top 100 health podcasts, reaching tens of thousands of listeners worldwide each week.   Christy began her career in 2003 as a journalist covering food, nutrition, and health, and she’s written for major publications including The New York Times, SELF, BuzzFeed, Refinery29, Gourmet, Slate, The Food Network, and many others. Learn more about Christy and her work at christyharrison.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep297 for more.

tl;dr Christy Harrison of Food Psych is here to talk about pleasure, happiness, weight stigma, what it means to be anti-diet, and why trusting our hungers around food & sex is so important. I am so excited to share Part 1 of this 2 part conversation with the incredible Christy Harrison! Christy is an anti-diet dietitian, host of the Food Psych Podcast, and she just published a book that we are exploring here called, "Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating". Before we get into my chat with Christy, I have a few important things: First, at Alex's suggestion, I turned my answer from last week's episode about preferences for certain bodies into a blog post... that has as of six days later been read over 31,000 times. HOLY SHIT! There has been so much beautiful input, additional nuance, and depth in all of the things people are saying, and I am so grateful. If you like it, feel free to share it! Let's keep the conversation going. Second, Be Nourished's free online Body Trust Summit is March 11-17 and it is going to be fantastic. If you like my conversation with Christy this week, the summit is 24 talks that will take you even deeper into your relationship with food, body, pleasure, and healing. Register now! Finally, Patrons who support at $3 and above, don't miss my bonus chat with Christy at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Christy and I talk about my own disordered eating and orthorexia, the part of her book that made me burst into tears, the cost of the performances we do around food and also sex, and where the advent of the “obesity” epidemic came from and why it’s actually really new. Hint: it has to do with money in people’s pockets NOT science. So back to my chat with Christy: I expect a lot of you are going to have some big feels come up as you hear Christy and I talk about diet culture, weight stigma, and how dieting and disordered relationships with our hungers impacts our sexual desire and pleasure. This is a really nuanced conversation, so if you notice yourself constricting or feeling defensive, feel free to take a break, breathe, move, and then return to it later. Seven or eight years ago me would have felt really resistant to a conversation like this, so I get it. Part 2, which drops next week, continues our exploration of many of the lies we've been sold, desirability politics and changing bodies, and why the problem is NOT weight but rather weight stigma and a focus on dieting. All of this ties so so intimately to the ways we experience sex, the ways we navigate consent, how we set boundaries, and do relationship, so I hope you'll join me for this delicious 2-part conversation with Christy. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Christy Harrison: Christy Harrison, MPH, RD, CDN is an anti-diet registered dietitian nutritionist, certified intuitive eating counselor, and author of the book Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating(Little, Brown Spark 2019). She offers online courses and private intuitive eating coaching to help people all over the world make peace with food and their bodies. Since 2013 Christy has hosted Food Psych, a weekly podcast exploring people’s relationships with food and paths to body liberation. It is now one of iTunes’ top 100 health podcasts, reaching tens of thousands of listeners worldwide each week.  Christy began her career in 2003 as a journalist covering food, nutrition, and health, and she’s written for major publications including The New York Times, SELF, BuzzFeed, Refinery29, Gourmet, Slate, The Food Network, and many others. Learn more about Christy and her work at christyharrison.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep296 for the episode transcript.

tl;dr Are sexual preferences changeable? What if someone really just doesn't like short men or fat women? And what should a lesbian do if she wants sex with men? First up - BE SURE TO SIGN-UP FOR THE BODY TRUST SUMMIT!!! It's going to be incredible and challenging and so so so powerful. I'm not only a speaker but I'm also working behind the scenes with Alex to produce it for Be Nourished. Seven days of talks on healing our relationship with food and body? Yes please. Register, for free, now because it's entirely online and kicks off March 11th. Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week's bonus is an erotica reading. It's a hot Daddy/girl story that takes place in the woods with flogging and whips and all sorts of yumminess. Hear it over at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Enjoy! Also, I love your emails. Send your questions my way! You can use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Oh, and be sure to join the next Power in Pleasure course. It's enrolling now and starts March 22nd. On to the episode! First up, I share some beautiful words by someone named jedidiahjenkins. I shared the post on the Sex Gets Real Facebook page. It's all about friendship and love. Next, I'm running an experiment. Do you love mail as much as I do? Want me to write you a letter? Well, I want to write to you! If that's you, fill out the form (link is at dawnserra.com/ep295) and we'll see what happens. The form, at least for now, will be open until early March. I have no idea how many of you will want this! And then it's on to your emails. Paul wrote in asking about preferences. Can't people just not like skinny guys or short guys or fat women? After all, he suggests our preferences are personal, so can't people just not like or like certain bodies? Strap in because we are doing a really deep and wide exploration of all the factors that impact our "personal" preferences. As part of that exploration, I share some pieces from Imran Siddiquee's TEDx talk. Head to dawnserra.com/ep295 because I highly recommend checking out Imran's talk and his writing and essays in general. But this question begs of us - how can we all do better? Because it's those with the most privilege that are most resistant to examining their preferences and stories, so I invite us into different ways of relating with each other. I can't wait for you to hear it. Then, Curious Little Rabbit wants to know what she should do. She's a lesbian who hasn't had sex with men in 15 years, but lately she's been having lots of fantasies about it. Should she find a guy and give it a try? If so, where can she find some options in Houston, Texas? Be sure to tune in next week for Part 1 of 2 with my interview with Christy Harrison from the Food Psych podcast. We talk pleasure, desire, bodies, and her new book, "Anti-Diet". A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep295

tl;dr Inka Winter from ForPlay Films joins us to talk about making porn and why sexual healing and sex education is an important part of her work. Patrons who support at $3 and above, don't miss my bonus chat with Inka at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Inka shares about her experience growing up in a cult in Austria where sex was mandatory and why that informs so much of her work at ForPlay Films. In this episode, Inka and I talk about the very real challenges of what it's like to create erotic film. We talk about how Inka got started, how generous her friends in Hollywood have been at volunteering as cinematographers and support staff, and even why most of her films to date have featured friends instead of professional porn performers. We also explore the homophobia among men in the adult industry in Los Angeles and why she's struggled to feature more diverse bodies and stories in her films. I can't wait for you to hear this honest and approachable chat with someone who is creating erotic material with a focus on love, consent, and education. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Inka Winter: Inka Winter is an erotic filmmaker and the founder of ForPlay Films, an independent, all-woman production company that puts female pleasure front and center. Inspired by the power of sexual expression, her films celebrate all shades of female desire. Winter believes that sex education and emotional wellbeing are a big part of a healthy sex life. She also produces  Sexucation, a short video series using humor to educate women and men all things sex and is training to become a sex and relationship counselor. An LA-based costume designer and lifelong artist, Winter spent her formative childhood years living in an artist commune in Austria, which set the foundation and aesthetic for her creative endeavors in film-making. Website: https://forplayfilms.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forplayfilms/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/ForPlayFilms Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep294 for the transcript.

tl;dr Can you change who you're sexually attracted to? Is someone gay for getting blowjobs from a guy? Is it OK to cheat with a sex worker?   Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week's bonus is several Am I The Asshole posts over at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. I want to know who you think is an asshole and who isn't, so come join me for some laughs and share your thoughts about these predicaments. Also, I love your emails. Send your questions my way! You can use the contact form at dawnserra.com.   We start by talking about the importance of treating sex workers with respect and we talk a little about a piece in The Guardian about self-care. Head to dawnserra.com/ep293 for the link. I love what it's offering about the ways self-care has been co-opted and what communal care can look like.   Then it's on to your questions.   First up, Q just got their masters degree and through grad school put on some weight. Their partner of 6 years told them they aren't as sexually attracted to them now because of that weight. Can someone change their sexual attraction?   Ohhhhh, do I have thoughts! If you want to hear more about situations like this, be sure to check out my chat with Carmen Cool at Explore More 2019, because we talked about this a lot, too.   Next, Britney is worried her boyfriend is gay. He was getting blowjobs from a gay guy in high school and might have done it again in college. Is he gay and how can she believe him when he's lied before?   Let's talk about sexual orientation and how it isn't always as simple as whether someone is gay or not. Plus, trust seems to be pretty damaged, so I weigh in on how I think they can re-connect.   Finally, Ryan is in a long-term relationship of six years. They have an active and amazing sex life. That said, he has a desire to work with a sex worker to get an erotic massage, but he worries his partner will see that as cheating. Does he deny himself this pleasure just because his partner might not like it?   Relationship agreements are important, folks, and if you can't abide by them, you shouldn't be in a relationship.   A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Check it out at dawnserra.com/ep293

tl;dr Bringing more racial nuance to sexual assault conversations, how to do oral sex when you struggle for breath, and how to deal with regret and hurt after a threesome.   Patrons who support at $3 and above, there are TWO bonuses this week at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. One is all about what people got stuck in their vagina, penis, and rectum in 2019. The other is about the science of biological sex by.... a biologist. Tune in and comment with your thoughts.   Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com.   We start with some beautiful words by Heidi Preibe about loving someone over the long term. Grab the text and link at dawnserra.com/ep292.   I also mentioned my quarantine selfie which you can see at dawnserra.com/ep292, too!   On to your emails...   Scotney, a fellow sex educator, wrote in with some additional nuance around Kobe Bryant, sexual assault, and the institutional and cultural racism that we need to acknowledge when we are specifically talking about Black men and sexual violence.   Nick is preparing for a double lung transplant. He is short of breath and can't lay on his stomach to eat out his wife. How can he engage in oral sex with his wife without struggling to breathe?   I have ideas for Nick, plus permission to expand the ways he pleases his wife. It doesn't only have to be oral sex! Bodies change, and sometimes the ways we have sex need to change, too.   Gina Senarighi is here to help me answer the final question this week from Jealous friend and lover. JFL is feeling really hurt because her and her boyfriend were kissing and flirting with a friend of hers, but things escalated quickly and now JFL is feeling insecure, betrayed, and unsure of how to move forward.   What do you do when you open your relationship or try a threesome and things go wrong? How can you repair from a relationship oops? Gina is here to help me answer those questions with such generosity and compassion.   A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Gina Senarighi: Dr Gina Senarighi, PhD, CPC is an author, teacher, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach based in the midwestern U.S. She’s been supporting clean fights and dirty sex in happy healthy relationships since 2009. Gina has written several books and currently leads couples retreats and coaches online clients all over the world. Find Gina at heygina.com and nonmonogamous.com. Be sure to also tune into her podcast, Swoon. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep292

tl;dr STIs and how to protect ourselves, men who want masturbation buddies, shame and fat bodies, plus Kobe Bryant's death.   Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast tomorrow.   To kick off this week's episode, we are exploring some of the complicated feelings around Kobe Bryant's death, especially for survivors. We're also unpacking a new paper released by the CDC about STIs being on the rise. Check out the article at dawnserra.com/ep291   Sinclair Sexsmith recently pulled together a bunch of people, blogs, and helpful tidbits on chronic pain and sex. Grab the link at dawnserra.com/ep291.   Then it's on to your questions.   First up, Jose wants to know if it's healthy to have a sexual relationship with himself when he's in a relationship with someone else. And is it weird to want a masturbation buddy? Especially when he's a straight man and wants to masturbate with other men?   Next, Busy Cat is ready to leave the big city and get a job in a smaller city, but her boyfriend isn't ready to make the move. How can she convince him that this move will be good for them?   Finally, Ashamed is in recovery for an eating disorder and has complicated feelings about her fat body. She doesn't have much experience with masturbation or sex, and she wants to start but she doesn't know how.   What if you can't reach your genitals? What if you don't know where to start? We go all the places and focus in on pleasure - because that's what it's all about, right?   A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Check it out at dawnserra.com/ep291

tl;dr How to have with someone in a wheelchair, being scared of sex and not knowing how to jump in. Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. We are diving into the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - the behaviors that indicate a relationship is in need of repair and heading for trouble and what we can do about it. This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements. An important article on abortion plus I also am sharing two interesting posts about men and testosterone and men and sexual desire by psychotherapist Eric FitzMedrud. There's some really interesting stuff here that helps to share our conversation masculinity and consent. I'd love to hear what you think! Grab the links at dawnserra.com/ep290 for everything mentioned. On to your questions! Cassandra is about to have sex for the first time with someone new and he is in a wheelchair. She's not sure how to ask what he likes or how to sext, espcially since he told her that he can't get erections. What should she do? Let's talk about sex with someone in a wheelchair! First, for folks who are super new to sex and disability, Amaze.org has this awesome video to get you started. I also highly recommend this soon-to-be-published book by Limerence Press, an imprint of Oni Press, called "A Quick and Easy Guide to Sex and Disability" by A. Andrews. It's a graphic novel all about - you guessed it - sex and disability and I love it. It comes out in May 2020, so follow Limerence on Twitter to hear when it's out! You can also pre-order it on Amazon. I offer loads of questions Cassandra can ask her new beau, and I also suggest a Yes No Maybe list. Head to dawnserra.com/ep290 for a great resource on those. Next, Scaredy Cat and Queer & Missing Sex are BOTH scared about sex. Scaredy Cat is in eating disorder recovery and found me through Christy Harrison's amazing show, Food Psych. SC hasn't had a boyfriend and is terrified of sex to the point that she is cutting off potential partners out of fear that they'll expect or want sex. What can she do? In addition to all the things I mention on the show, I also pulled together a reading list for SC as a way to start learning, practicing, and finding more language around sex, boundaries, needs, and desires. Some books to get you going can be found at dawnserra.com/ep290 There's a much bigger recommended reading list you can grab at dawnserra.com/books, too! Next up, Queer & Missing Sex is a few years out of an abusive relationship and feeling scared about sex, too. What can they do to reconnect with someone and have the fun sex they miss? Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep290 for the transcript.

tl;dr When the sex stops after you move in together, non-binary pregnancy, and why sex with fat folks is not revolutionary. Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Let's explore some of what we want to let go of and what we'd like to bring in for 2020, plus the most magical gift list I've ever read. This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements. First, you must read this magical thread by @shaanlashun on having sex with fat people. Share it widely. Sing it from the rooftops. The articles they mentioned are linked at dawnserra.com/ep289 I also am sharing two tweets from @pangmeli and you can find them here and here. On to your questions! First up, Lee recently moved in with her partner and the sex has stopped. What gives? Why did the sex stop as soon as they moved in together? The sex was kind of boring before that, so Lee is wondering how to talk to her partner about having sex, how not to build this up into A Thing, and if they can stack complaints of the things that aren't working? Let's talk about building a solid foundation of positive experiences and trust. We need to all be practicing our sex talk with partners when things are good because it's so upsetting to be in a relationship where the only time you talk about sex is when something is wrong. I know lots of people are in this situation, so I've got lots of questions and recommendations for Lee, including reading Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity. Next, Ama wrote in because she was raped twice by her best friend. It's been a year, but she can't stop crying and feeling unlovable. She's been trying to date, but she keeps choosing men who are unavailable. Finally, H is a non-binary person trying to get pregnant, but they are feeling all sorts of homophobia come up around their masculine body in this quest to have a baby. I found some awesome resources for non-binary and trans folks who are trying to get pregnant and who are pregnant. Check out the huge list of resources at dawnserra.com/ep289 Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep289 for the transcript.

tl;dr Abuse in polyamory. Can squirting cause incontinence? Are there men who don't like sex? How to have sex with someone with large breasts?   Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. It's a listener question about first time sex, birth control, and deep throating. Tune in to hear it and thanks for supporting the show financially.   This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements.   First, I am in two new books. You can find an essay I wrote almost 2 years ago in the recently released "Sex Positive Now" anthology and I have been turned into a comic character for Meg-John Barker's soon to be released "Gender: A Graphic Guide". Pre-order yours today!   This week, I am also bringing our attention to two articles about abuse in polyamory that I think offer important questions for us all to hold. Head to dawnserra.com/ep288 for the links.   We need to hold ourselves and each other accountable for the ways we are doing relationship, and unfortunately much of the mainstream polyamory/non-monogamy advice just doesn't hold the nuance that's needed for people who have trauma, who experience mental illness, and a whole host of other realities.   On to your questions!   First up, Cathryn wrote in with some really sweet messages about discovering the podcast.   Next, Sofia wrote in about squirting and incontinence. Can squirting lead to incontinence? I got input from several pelvic floor therapists, and though the answer is more complicated, the overall sense is yes, it can. We explore why in the episode.   Then, Jose asks, “Am I the only guy who doesn't like sex?" But the thing is, Jose has a thriving sex life - with himself. It's partnered sex he doesn't care for, so we explore asexuality, masculinity myths, and why it's perfectly normal and OK to prefer sex with yourself.   Finally, Breast Distress has a new partner who has large breasts. How can she become a better at sex with someone who has large breasts, especially when it's something she's never done before?   Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep288 for the episode transcript.

tl;dr Darcey Steinke on menopause, changing bodies, & a new way forward   MENOPAUSE! It's a thing loads of us go through that's fraught with misinformation, silence, shame, and PATRIARCHY.   So, this week, I'm chatting with author Darcey Steinke about her new book, "Flash Count Diary: Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life". I had a chance to read the book and chat about it with some friends in a queer elders book club I'm in.   Darcey and I dive into the ways menopause is vilified by the modern medical industrial complex, the stories we don't have, and what she discovered along the way around pleasure, sex, and changing bodies.   We acknowledge that this episode is cis and hetero centric as it's a largely about Darcey's memoir. If you're looking for some resources for other kinds of bodies and genders, head to dawnserra.com/ep287 for a few to check out.   You can grab "Flash Count Diary" wherever books are sold. Patreons, don't miss my bonus chat with Darcey just for you! You'll hear a moving story of how and why Darcey found inspiration in killer whales as she moved through menopause and what we can learn about changing bodies from these fierce mammals. It was one of my favorite parts of the book, too! The bonus is for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.   Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Darcey Steinke: Darcey Steinke is the author of the memoir Easter Everywhere and five novels: Sister Golden Hair, Milk, Jesus Saves, Suicide Blonde, and Up Through the Water. Her books have been translated into ten languages, and her nonfiction has appeared widely. Her web story “Blindspot” was a part of the 2000 Whitney Biennial. She has been both a Henry Hoyns and a Stegner Fellow, and a Writer-in-Residence at the University of Mississippi. She has taught at the New School, Columbia University School of the Arts, New York University, Princeton, and the American University of Paris. She lives with her husband in Brooklyn.   Stay in touch with Darcey at darceysteinke.com and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Tune in on Spotify. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep287 for the full transcript.

tl;dr Can someone explore their bisexuality while being in a monogamous relationship? Do things get better after you've been raped? How can you balance body positivity with Hashimoto's and how can you tell a potential date about your health issues? Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Also, your bonus this week is some fun journal prompts and questions about food and pleasure. Be sure to grab it! On with this week's episode. TJ has been diagnosed with Hashimoto's which is an auto immune disorder. After a lifetime of trying to be accepting of their body, now their body is changing. How can they balance a restricted diet without giving into diet culture? And, if you're just starting to date again, how do you tell someone about your health issues? When is the right time to tell them about a disease or a disorder? MJ is exploring her bisexuality, but there's a problem. She's in a monogamous relationship. Her partner is open to them trying a threesome, but MJ wants to try sex with a woman on her own just to see what's it like. Can she do that? This also opens the door for us to talk about the ways we treat people when we want to experiment with our sexuality or try a threesome - often we treat folks like objects to use for our pleasure. How can we do better? What kind of complexity do we need to grapple with if we're seriously considering trying something like this? Finally, N wrote in. She was raped and then betrayed by someone she cared deeply about. After a suicide attempt, N is in counselling and struggling. Does life get better? Do the nightmares and the fear and the PTSD get better? Is there hope for intimacy and being able to be touched? Let's talk about the realities of living in a body after trauma and what healing can look like inside of these very broken systems we're in. Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep286 for the transcript.

tl;dr Kai Cheng Thom on consent, healing, & pleasure This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners, save 30% off your first month's subscription of period products (tampons, pads, and liners) and sex products (ultra thin condoms, lube, and wipes). This week it's me and Kai Cheng Thom. I AM SO EXCITED! Kai Cheng and I talk about so many things from how easy it is for sex positive educators to default to a mechanized view of sex and why checklists around consent aren't enough to why sex is always political and why Kai Cheng is so committed to uplifting our humanity. We dive into healing, trauma, transformative justice, courage, pleasure, and Kai Cheng's vision for a post-apocalyptic world. Be sure to check out Kai Cheng's advise column for some great reading, and of course, grab Then, for Patreon, our bonus conversation is all about somatic sex education, the importance of having a place to practice and experience sex, and where you can learn more about somatic sex education. If you want to hear our chat, it's for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Kai Cheng Thom: Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performer, and community worker based in Toronto. She is the award-winning author four books, all in different genres. Kai Cheng's work on mental health, relationships, and transformative justice has appeared in many publications internationally. Stay in touch with Kai Cheng at kaichengthom.com and on Twitter @razorfemme. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Tune in on Spotify. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep285 for the transcript.

tl;dr How to vulnerable and honest, is cheating bad, and what to do about a big penis? News! Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Let's take a touch inventory. Who in your life can you share touch with? Not just sexual or romantic, but platonic, comforting, or familial touch? I've been thinking a lot about the ways we're so touch-starved here in the U.S. and Canada, and then an article came across my feed this week that I thought was worth sharing. Check out Vice's article by visiting dawnserra.com/ep284. This week it's your emails! We're diving deep into three of them. Anxious Freshman grew up in a household where love was dependent on obedience and pleasing their father. As someone heading off to college, they're noticing that it's challenging for them to be open and honest about their feelings, to be vulnerable with others. They even lie to their friends about sex while knowing their friends wouldn't judge them. What can they do differently? Al has a big question. Is it wrong to cheat on his wife? They've been married a long time and sex hasn't been a part of the equation for many years. He is seriously considering cheating on his wife, and wants to know if it's wrong. It's a huge question and one I take some time with. Finally, Big Cock Blues has met someone wonderful, but there's a problem. His cock is massive and it leaves BCB feeling raw, sore, and irritated after they have intercourse. What can BCB do to accommodate this big penis? From different positions to cock rings to trying perineal massage, there are lots of ways to experiment here, but the bottom line is to always trust your body and to follow your body's lead - not to try and force it or override it's wisdom. I found an article on perineal massage for BCB. Check it out here. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon at dawnserra.com/ep284

tl;dr Relationship green flags (healthy relationship behaviors), community accountability, and play party etiquette. News! Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. How are you doing? No really. How are you? Share with me, if you'd like, and send in your questions because I'd love to hear from you. Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above? What are relationship green flags? In other words, what are healthy relationship behaviors? What's a green flag for relationships? Well, after seeing a meme circulating with a few of them, I compiled a list of 24 green flag behaviors for relationships, because we hear a lot about red flags and it's nice to know what to do versus what not to do. Anderbear wrote in wanting to know how to proactively set up an accountability pod for their kinky community and resources for community accountability. While the list isn't exhaustive, it is a jumping off point! Get all of the links and names at dawnserra.com/ep283. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep283

tl;dr Is squirting embarrassing? How can I find a fat-friendly therapist? What if my marriage is falling apart? News! Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. This week, it's me and you! An awesome video called "How to Support Harm Does in Accountability" came across my feed this week, and it turns out it's part of a multi-video series by the Barnard Center for Research on Women featuring Mia Mingus, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, adrienne maree brown, and a bunch of other amazing folks. Definitely check them all out. How can we become more committed to collective healing and safety? What do we need to let go of in order to center the most marginalized? I explore this a bit as I share a few quotes and tidbits from the videos. Then, we dive into your questions. Sad Gay Millennial and SaFyre both wrote in this week with really sweet notes about how the show has helped them. I'm holding them so tenderly. Ina wrote to me about being in a fat body and finding support. How can you find a fat-friendly therapist? I have resources for you to check out at dawnserra.com/ep282. Regardless of who you have near you for support, I recommend asking lots of questions about their values and going in with a list of requests and boundaries that would help you to feel more safe and supported. Is squirting embarrassing? Amy wrote in because she squirts and after she does, she often feels really embarrassed and worried about the mess she made. Her current boyfriend is really supportive, but she wants to know if there's a way to feel less awkward about the mess her body makes. Finally, Emotionally Wrecked Matt wrote in because he lost weight last year and as a result his wife has experienced a lot of insecurity and withdrawal. Sex isn't what it used to be, feelings are hurt, and now they've shared some fantasies with each other that left the other feeling even more hurt. What can he do? As much as there is to dive into in this email, what's clear is that Matt and his wife need some support. Repair needs to come before adventure and play, so let's talk about that. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Find it at dawnserra.com/ep282

tl;dr What should you do with sexy pics of your ex and what if you still get off to them? How can you have more pleasure if you have herpes and your partner does not? And what should you do if you can't stop thinking of someone who drifted out of your life?   News! The October Cohort of my 5-week online course, Power in Pleasure, is enrolling NOW. We kick off TODAY Sunday, October 20th and it's going to be amazing. Learn more and enroll here: dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse (it costs as much as a single coaching session but includes six live calls and five weeks of daily emails bursting with powerful prompts and questions). Join us! This week, it's me and you!   First up, I want all of us to know about SexEdSchool.ca with Nadine Thornhill and Eva Bloom. It's for kids and adults with kids in their lives, but let's be honest. We could all use a refresher. Check it out.   Thinking wrote in about still thinking a lot about an old friend who drifted out of their life. Sometimes those memories are erotic and sometimes not, but is this because Thinking loves them or never got closure?   Crystal from Patreon had a few thoughts for Thinking. And then I weigh in about memories and how they can serve to support the stories we need in our lives. But it's important that we use memories to nourish us or to feel into something that we enjoy rather than investing in the truth of this fiction we've spun. It's normal to look back, as long as looking back doesn't keep us from living in the present.   Increase My Pleasure Please has herpes and their boyfriend does not. They are using gloves and condoms, but they'd really like to try oral sex. IMPP is on anti-viral meds, but there's still a chance to shed the virus, so what is safe? How can IMPP increase their pleasure without increasing risk?   I love this question because current stats show that 90% of Americans have some form of the herpes virus, which means it's SUPER common. And the more all of us know, the more pleasure we can all experience!   Because I'm not a herpes expert, I turned to a few great resources for data and suggestions. Head to dawnserra.com/ep281 for the full list of links.   The long and the short of it is whether we are in a relationship with differing STI statuses, with disability, with chronic pain, with aging bodies, with fat bodies, with differing needs, or just want to have more options for pleasure, we can experience deep sexual fulfillment and erotic expression when we use our imaginations to connect around the infinite ways we can enjoy each other's bodies - lap dances, mutual masturbation, erotic massage, tickle fights and wrestling, power exchange, bondage, reading erotica together, clothes-on humping and making out, toys, fucking machines - the sky is the limit on pleasure.   Kate has a super short question that I find fascinating. Is it wrong to keep sexy photos of an ex and to sometimes get off to them? What if you're in a new relationship?   Let's talk ethics and respecting people and how the digital age can make us feel entitled to someone's body long after we're with them.   Finally, Patrons, this week's bonus will be some erotic breathwork practices. Join me! If you support the show at $3 per month, you can get access at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to help me answer listener questions, the $5 level is for you. Your support means so much!   Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep281 for the transcript.

tl;dr Nurturance culture, rape culture, accountability, and boundaries with Nora Samaran. Don't miss the October cohort of Power in Pleasure, my 5-week online course dedicated to exploring your pleasure. Details are at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Enrollment closes soon! This week, I'm joined by Nora Samaran, author of the essay, "The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture" and the recently published book, Turn This World Inside Out: The Emergence of Nurturance Culture, out by AK Press. Grab the book here. Nora and I spent three hours chatting the day we recorded this episode, so needless to say there was a lot for us to unpack and explore. In the main episode for the show, we talk about nurturance culture, rape culture, raising the bar for the relationships we have and what it means to have relational responsibility, how our brains are wired for interdependence, attachment styles and how culturally we value avoidant attachment styles while vilifying anxious attachment styles. We dive into why there's so much heartbreak in swimming against the current of neoliberalism and capitalism when we prioritize interdependence, but also the richness available there. What does mutuality look like? What does care in our communities look like? Nora offers some beautiful examples of what it means for communities to protect people facing harm while honoring the humanity of the person or people causing the harm, and how we can be more accountable in ways that nurture us all. She calls it the 'double move' and it all starts with meeting the need without centering our own shame and guilt. Then, for Patreon, our bonus conversation is all about gaslighting. It's fantastic. Nora shares how the culture we live in lies to itself and creates fictions, why we are all so disconnected and dissociated, why when we're addressing patterns of gaslighting and harm it's not a "meet in the middle" thing, the neurology of gaslighting, and trauma bonding. If you want to hear it, it's for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Nora Samaran: Nora Samaran is a white settler from a working class immigrant background. She was a member of the No One is Illegal-Vancouver collective from 2005-2008, and the Media Democracy Day-Vancouver collective from 2008-2010. Her essay ‘The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture’ went viral in February 2016 and has grown into a book, Turn This World Inside Out, out with AK Press in June 2019. She teaches at Douglas College in Coast Salish Territories, also known as Vancouver, British Columbia. Check out Nora's interview on the Healing Justice podcast. If you join the Healing Justice podcast bookclub, there is a live webinar coming up, plus you can save 30% on the book! Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Tune in on Spotify. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Episode transcripts are available at dawnserra.com/sexgetsrealpod

Radical love, resilient community, and never being discarded with Andy Izenson I am so excited to replay this episode with Andy Izenson. When it first aired, I received loads of emails as a response, and since I'm taking this week off to tend to me, it felt like a beautiful offering to tide you over until next week. I first saw Andy speak several years ago at a closing panel for Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and I was in awe. You'll see why when you tune into our rich conversation. After reaching out to Andy, asking if they'd like to talk about restorative and transformative justice as well as building resilient communities on the show, Andy also said they were thinking a lot about: -- the way orthodoxies of capitalism and scarcity infuse polyamorous community// polyamory should be inherently anti-capitalist -- the way the state is conspiring with your trauma -- disposability and anxiety and the fiction of moral purity -- resilience and bravery in sex and relationships -- what even is masculinity anyway RIGHT?!?! So, on this week's show, we talk about alternative justice, healing, building resilient relationships and communities, letting go of the fantasy of safety and why there are no good people, plus, we explore the power of anger, question what even is masculinity, and feel moved that the kids really will be alright. Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, a new bonus is landing on Tuesday (so I can continue to take the weekend to rest). Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. In this episode, Andy and I talk about: Andy’s take on restorative and transformative justice and how finding factors where the whole community can come together to heal is a form of radical love. The ways we've been taught to believe in good versus bad, heroes versus villains, and why that feeds our hunger for punishment and violence. But punishment doesn't heal wounds or create strong communities, so what's the alternative? The fantasy we have to let go of around punishment and banishment when someone does something harmful, and how safety is an illusion. Why we can banish all the "abusers" from the island if we expect to have community. Andy's definition for community and how we can start building that kind of fierce support in a tiny way. The power of our anger, and what happens when the people in our life can hold that anger with us. We also talk about how damn resilient relationships become when we're can fuck up and know we won't be abandoned or discarded. Cultivating resilience in interpersonal relationships and communities. Knowing how you want your community to be/look like and how it should be a space where you feel safe and supported. The hard work around radical love and that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. It’s actually really hard work Masculinity: What it would be like if it was not toxic and infused with violent misogyny? What even is masculinity? Imagining a world that just accepts us as who we are and who we want to be, opens the question of whether or not we’ll have a different language for what we have now? The excitement and the honest truth that the kids are alright. They will be. Period. About Andy Izenson: Andy Izenson is an attorney with Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC, and is a collaborative practitioner, mediator, and passionate advocate, working to reframe conflict through a compassionate and transformative lens. As a member of the National LGBT Bar Association’s Family Law Institute and the National Lawyers Guild NYC Chapter Executive Committee, Andy is tirelessly committed to support for queer community and families as well as to a radical, anti-assimilationist politic. You can find Andy on Twitter @AndyEyeballs, join the Diana Adams Law newsletter, or email Andy about speaking at your institution at andy.izenson at gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

tl;dr Why coming forward about sexual assault doesn't "ruin" lives, what to do when you're deeply ashamed of masturbation, & does loving penises make a straight man gay?  News! The October Cohort of my 5-week online course, Power in Pleasure, is enrolling NOW. We kick off Sunday, October 14th and it's going to be amazing. Learn more and enroll here: dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse (it costs as much as a single coaching session but includes six live calls and five weeks of daily emails bursting with powerful prompts and questions). Join us! This week, it's me and you! First up, I share a fascinating and crucial thread by Nicole Bedera on why rape allegations do not "ruin" lives. Grab the link to read it and share it here. This is such a relevant conversation, and pairs perfectly with an awesome post that made the rounds this week by Jennifer Michelle Greenberg. You can check it out along with my thoughts here. In short, speaking your truth about abuse and harm does not ruin lives and we all have a responsibility to take more action around instances of harm. This is not an individual problem but a communal and collective one. Then, I field your emails. Libby wanted to share some feedback and thanks, which felt amazing to receive. From Help Me to Help Myself wrote in because they feel extreme shame around masturbating and don't know what to do. They experienced abuse and were raised in a very sex negative and Christian household, so masturbation feels complicated. How can they change their relationship with self-pleasure? Finally, Brian is worried his fetish means something about his sexuality. You see, he is straight, but he has a fetish for penises and semen, especially around performing oral on a trans person. So what does it all mean and where did this come from? I do a deep dive into genitals, identity, and sexuality. I also want all of us to check out three articles about sex with trans women. Head to dawnserra.com/ep279 for those links. Finally, Patrons, this week's bonus will be a short reading and meditation with some journal prompts about masturbation and our pleasure stories. If you support the show at $3 per month, you can get access at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to help me answer listener questions, the $5 level is for you. Your support means so much! Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon at dawnserra.com/ep279

Anne Hodder-Shipp joins us to talk sex ed, entitlement in relationships, and sex after recovery and while sober. News! If you could use some support around your relationship to your body, to pleasure, to sex and desire, I have a few spots available for in-person coaching in Vancouver and in my online virtual practice. Check out the Work With Me page for details. Patreon supporters - Anne and I spent some time recording a special bonus chat for you all about dream work and sex dreams. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear. If you don't yet support the show, $3 per month gets you weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm joined by Anne Hodder-Shipp, an experienced and no bullshit sex educator who does incredible work on the front lines of sex education and behind-the-scenes helping with the marketing and promotion of many popular brands you likely know. We dive into the importance of authenticity in dating and relationships, why being in a relationship does not entitle you to your partner's body and the steps you can take if you've behaved that way in the past, Anne's awesome new sex education certification program through EDSE (there's a new course in November - if you're interested, SIGN-UP NOW!), and the complexities of sex when you're in recovery or newly sober. Anne also shares how natural dreamwork, a way to get in touch with your emotions, helped her doing some healing work. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Anne Hodder-Shipp: Anne Hodder-Shipp, ACS, (she/her) is a multi-certified sex and relationships educator with professional training in breathwork and holistic dreamwork. She boasts a unique understanding of age-appropriate sex education, trauma-informed healing, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence, and she brings a fun, friendly and sex-positive facilitation style to every session, group or event she hosts. Utilizing a non-judgmental and no-b.s. approach, Anne happily helps clients of all ages, experience levels and lifestyles heal, learn and grow. In addition to her private practice and public workshops, Anne is the founder of and lead educator at Everyone Deserves Sex Education (EDSE), and also leads treatment groups for clients recovering from substance use disorder, eating disorders, compulsive sexual behavior and other stigmatized illnesses. Private practice: https://annehoddershipp.com EDSE Certification:  https://everyonedeservessexed.com/certification Instagram + Twitter: @theannehodder Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep278 for the transcript.

tl;dr Creating community memories of abuse, why giving advice is a double-edged sword, attending ACA meetings, and wanting to cuckquean when you have trauma and no body confidence.   News! Save 40% off your first subscription with LOLA and your pads, tampons, wipes, condoms, and more can be discreetly delivered right to your door on YOUR schedule. They are generously sponsoring this episode. Listeners save 40% when they go to mylola.com and use promo code SGR at checkout. First up, I want your questions! I zoomed through so many of your amazing stories and emails this summer, that I'd love to hear more from you as I line up the podcast for the fall.   Where are you struggling around sex, love, pleasure, and bodies? What would you love to know more about? How can I support you around the places that feel tender and confusing?   Email me at info at sexgetsreal dot com or using the contact form which is linked at the top of the page.   This week we kick off by exploring a few interesting posts I came across.   One that's a few years old by Ferrett Steinmetz on the dangers of giving advice. Grab the link at sexgetsreal.com/ep277.   Another is this amazing community memory that's meant to help a DC antifacist activist community remember some harmful behavior one particular individual has been engaging in. Is there potential for other communities to create similar memories as a way to foster accountability and change? Check out the piece and share it widely by heading to sexgetsreal.com/ep277.   We are diving into two questions this week.   The first is Ana Banana who wants to know what I think of going to ACA meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics).   I explore the power of community to heal and also some of the dangers of placing all the blame on individuals.   Next is a question from Confused Quean on how to be a cuckquean while having deep body trauma and self-image issues. I posed this question to Patreon, and a few folks help share their ideas and perspective.   Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.   If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.   Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)   Episode Transcript Coming soon at sexgetsreal.com/ep277

News! I am on episode 4.2 of the Secret Feminist Agenda podcast. Tune in as I talk all about the Sex Gets Real podcast, how I got into this work, and much more. Save 40% off your first subscription with LOLA and your pads, tampons, wipes, condoms, and more can be discreetly delivered right to your door on YOUR schedule. They are generously sponsoring this episode. Listeners save 40% when they go to mylola.com and use promo code SGR at checkout. First up, I want your questions! I zoomed through so many of your amazing stories and emails this summer, that I'd love to hear more from you as I line up the podcast for the fall. Where are you struggling around sex, love, pleasure, and bodies? What would you love to know more about? How can I support you around the places that feel tender and confusing? Email me at info at sexgetsreal dot com or using the contact form which is linked at the top of the page. I'd also love more of your love notes about the ways people in  your life make you feel appreciated and loved. It's so sweet having these little rituals to share with everyone. Send yours over whether it's something a lover, spouse, friend, coworker, neighbor, child, or community member does. Love is love! On to your emails. Mare is struggling because she betrayed her partner. He didn't want to open their relationship and she did, so she betrayed their agreement and now things are terrible. She feels guilty and ashamed, and wants some thoughts on the whole situation. Anonymous Girl has always considered herself to be straight, but she's getting bored of sex with men, and is starting to feel really curious about sex with people of other genders. Should she go for it? And how? Finally, Sydney Faith Rose recently wrote something amazing about how many women are talking about their anxious attachment, but how maybe instead of seeing it as something to fix, it's instead a huge sign that there are very good reasons to be anxious right now. I explore some of the limitations of attachment theory and offer some questions for us all to sit with. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. This week there are TWO bonus episodes because last week's had an issue. One bonus is all about a partner who lied about getting STI testing done which has put their whole polycule at risk. The other bonus episode is about arousal and whether a desire to be penetrated or not is the sign of full arousal for a vulva owner. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Available at sexgetsreal.com/ep276

News! I am going to be on Secret Feminist Agenda podcast. The episode drops Friday, August 30, 2019 and if you haven't checked out this rad podcast yet, do it here. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. To get us started, I came across two threads all about love and the simple ways we care for each other. I'd love to hear from you one the little things people in your life do that make you feel loved and what made you think "yeah, I want this human in my life for awhile". Platonic, creative, sexual, romantic - it doesn't matter. Let's start a love fest. Email me with your story! I also want to take some time to share that a porn performer named Rooster has come forward about abuse they experienced on the set of an Erika Lust film by guest director Olympia de G. I share some thoughts on how we can do better around accountability and complexity, but I think the most important thing is hearing from Rooster and centering their experience. On to your emails. Kate's boyfriend has a coworker who is pretty disrespectful with boundaries, but despite that, had an initially shitty situation turn into something super sexy and fun. Go Kate! Next up, Elizabeth has just recently started dating a couple. Things are going great, but the woman asked Elizabeth not to wear crop tops around their daughter and Elizabeth isn't sure if she's being shamed or not for her clothing. What gives? Finally, CassyBoBassy is curious about body trust. As someone who struggled with dieting and a family who vilified fat bodies, Cassy is starting to see there might be another way to experience pleasure and break-up with shame, but what does it mean to trust your body and how can she feel less lost? Grab all the links and resources mentioned in this episode at sexgetsreal.com/ep275. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Find it at sexgetsreal.com/ep275

News! I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. This week's episode is all about you and your questions. First up, there have been updates on #polyamorysmetoo and I wanted to pass those along. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for all the links you need. You can also check out the @bodyimage_therapists's post on restriction here, and you can follow Ashlee if changing your relationship with food and body is something you're working on. After sharing some passages from Nora Samaran's "Turn This World Inside Out", it's time to jump into your emails. Chelsea wrote in because she is going to her first dungeon warehouse party. Is it safe to go as a single straight woman? And what should she wear? Amy has been with her husband for 8 years and early in their relationship, she had one month where she had mindblowing ecstastic orgasms and then they disappeared as quietly as they arrived. What happened? Is it normal? And why? Lady Shyzune experienced some trauma in some messy relationships with loved ones, and is finally coming out the other side with healthier boundaries and more support. How can people avoid the messy traps she fell into? You can check out Dr. Chris Hoff's piece on the myth of codependency by heading to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for the link. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript  Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for the transcript.

News! GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED at Simple Health if you'd like to try their online access for birth control and automatic subscription service with free shipping. Complete your health profile at simplehealth.com/sgr or use code SGR at checkout to get that $20 annual prescription fee waived and to get your birth control mailed to your door. I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. This week's episode is all about you and your questions. I got two follow-up emails, both from people whose questions were featured in episode 271. It was great to hear from both of them, and I share a little about what I hope each of you takes from the answers I offer on this show. Crushing wrote in because they are married and love their spouse, but they are having some kind of crush on a new co-worker. What is this? What do they do? And can they give this person a gift before they leave this job?  Crushes are totally normal, and there are so many kinds of crushes! Friend crushes, admiration crushes, appreciation crushes, sexual crushes, and many more. It sounds like Crushing is having a friend crush, but let's talk about crushes and how we can all enjoy them and validate those feelings without being out of alignment with our values. Tina wants to know if I have a recommended book list and Tina is in LUCK! You can get the official Sex Gets Real Recommended Reading List full of all my favorite and most recommended books at sexgetsreal.com/books. Fill in your info and you'll get immediate access to that list of awesome books. Grab the rest of the links and books I mention at sexgetsreal.com/ep273 Anonymous wrote in because they are unable to voice their feelings or speak about their arousal with their amazing and supportive partner. In fact, they called themself a "relationship mute". How can they find their voice? I offer loads of suggestions including working with Tea & Empathy cards (I have a few dozen decks available for sale if you'd like one, hit me up via email or on Facebook - I'm selling them at cost which is $35 + shipping), Betty Martin's 3-minute game which you hear all about in my chat with her for Explore More 2017 or on her website here, plus several other little tips and things to consider. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Available at sexgetsreal.com/ep273

Before we jump into my conversation with Tristan, I want to take a few moments to share an important piece called: Dildon’t Disrespect Black Femmes: Our Personal Experiences With Wild Flower Sex Shop This piece, written collectively by Ev'Yan Whitney, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, VenusCuffs, and Cameron Glover, is an important account of ongoing exploitation and abuse that these Black Femmes experienced at the hands of Wildflower Sex shop. It's also an important invitation to us all to think about who we critique and who we harm when we take "ethical" stances against certain companies or practices, especially that ultimately then benefit our own interests. You can read Tristan Taormino's additional thoughts about the sexuality field and the ways work in this field continues to be devalued and exploited, particularly for people of color and other people who are marginalized. We must all do better. This impacts our abilities to be present with each other. This impacts our abilities to be in our bodies, experiencing pleasure, building a most just world. It matters.  Read these accounts by Ev'Yan, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, Venus Cuffs, and Cameron and take a few moments to reflect. Tristan is here this week! And it's EPIC. Oh how I love chatting with Tristan. And you're about to hear why - we GO places in this 90 minute conversation of lusciousness. It all started when I asked Tristan to come on the show to tell us about her ultra personal new memoir which dives deep into her childhood, growing up with a gay dad, losing him to AIDS, and even part of a memoir her dad wrote about his life. In fact, if you want to read snippets and get exclusive updates, support Tristan's Patreon: patreon.com/tristantaormino But, in this episode we also talk about fat phobia, changing and aging bodies, capitalism, white supremacy, the sexuality field, and much much more. I can't WAIT for you to hear it all. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Tristan. We talk about the ethics of triangulation in poly relationships courtesy of a listener question! If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Podcast Transcript Find it at sexgetsreal.com/ep272

News! I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. It's you and me this week because I have so many amazing questions from you that I wanted to answer a few before next week's epic episode with Tristan Taormino. So what's on tap for this week? Teacup Half Full wrote in because she is engaged to an amazing man named George. He makes her so happy. But she also has an ex from the past who has come back into her life and he has declared that he wants to leave his fiancé to be with her. She loves them both. What can she do? I shared this question in Patreon for patrons who support at $5 and above, and Katie weighed in with her thoughts. Part of what I think Teacup Half Full needs to evaluate is her relationship values, how she wants to be in relationship, and then evaluate her relationship with these two men to see what she notices about what feels right. The secret keeping from both her fiancé George and the ex's fiancé needs to be addressed. Next, Ashamed AF Amy is struggling because Amy feels deeply ashamed of her genitals. She's been thinking about surgery because she feels broken and ugly. In fact, the first person she slept with shamed her and refused to go down on her. Again, I posed this question in Patreon, and Hawthorn and Katie shared their thoughts. Among the things they offered, they also shared the following resources for learning more about the vast and extraordinary variation in how vulva look. Check out: The Labia Library The Vulva Gallery Laura Dodsworth's 100 Vagina's project Joani Blank's book Femalia I want for more of us, all of us regardless of gender, to check out these resources. To see the huge variety in how vulvas shape themselves - none is wrong or ugly, they're simply different and unique. We don't get a chance to see much genitalia outside of porn, and that can leave us feeling like there's something wrong. Am Me wrote in because their friend is sexually attracted to fat bodies. How can they find resources around that? Let's normalize finding fat bodies hot! Because fat bodies can be SOOOO sexy - all those soft places, sensitive places, and yummy places to get lost in. Let's also talk about the difference between finding something sexy versus objectifying or fetishizing someone. Finally, Violeta is struggling because she is from Mexico and the person she is falling for is in the U.S. Is there any hope for love across this border, especially considering the current political climate? What can she do? Everything feels so sad. This is the reality of racism, xenophobia, and all of the bullshit propaganda U.S. citizens have been fed forever about fearing those from Mexico, Central, and South America. The violence is having a real impact on so many people, not just those crossing the border. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep271 to grab it.

LAST CALL The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final DAY to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Touch. The erotic. And healing. Chris Maxwell Rose is here from The Pleasure Mechanics and we geek out about touch, changing bodies and how our relationship with the erotic changes over time, touch hunger, and much much more. The Pleasure Mechanics have a bunch of fantastic online courses, so if you want to check those out this is my affiliate link. A few of the things we discuss include: The many touch stones that we have in our life that help us stay grounded and connected to ourselves, our body,  and to the people we care about. What does saying yes to connection and touch mean? How do we explore our erotic selves with tenderness, longing, and hunger instead of fear, vulnerability, and terror? Chris shares their experience with mindfulness and being present, and how this practice can help us be more present during sex. Bringing erotic awareness into our daily lives and how skills based practice plays an important role in it.  Reverence and how we can turn our attention to the small and minute things of everyday and savour in those moments.   The different stories around touch, what touch hunger means, receiving touch, and to what degree is affectionate touch tied up to sex. What happens if touch is something that you’re not hungry for? How can we still practice this skill? The violence and harm that can come in how we touch one another and how do we practice the pleasure, love, radical empathy that can also happen through touch? Massage as the yes point for couples and the practice of massage as part of a culture within a relationship. The practice of sharing each other’s desires in a relationship and not taking no as a rejection. Creating micro-experiments as a couple to build foundational skills within the relationship. Honoring where you’re at and being present with yourself and/or relationship knowing that everything is a process and that there is no guarantee of the destination. Harnassing the erotic and how it grows your capacity to the experiences you want and the experiences that you have been practicing towards. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Chris! If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Chris Maxwell Rose: I am a sex educator with over 15 years experience teaching individuals and groups about sexual health and pleasure. Together with my partner Charlotte, I co-founded PleasureMechanics.com in 2006, dedicated to sharing practical, down-to-earth information and techniques for more sexual pleasure.We have criss-crossed the nation teaching workshops on sex to audiences from 3 to 3,000. Our car has over 300,000 miles on it from our travels. Our work has reached individuals in over 60 countries. As The Pleasure Mechanics we have combined our body based expertise with game-changing cultural insights that provide a unique path to a happier, healthier and more pleasurable sexuality. Our online courses teach the techniques of sexual pleasure to men and women around the world, and our podcast offers hundreds of hours of free erotic education to anyone ready to expand their capacity for pleasure, love, arousal and connection. I have been working as an independent sex educator since graduating Vassar College with honors in 2003. Truly, I’ve been a sex educator since my childhood, when I discovered myself camped out in the library’s sexuality section and answering all my friend’s questions on the playground. I try to maintain the wide eyed curiosity of my youth as I distill what I have learned in my decade of hands-on sex education leadership. My highest commitment is helping to create a world where all men, women and couples have the information and tools to become sexually fulfilled. My work is dedicated to creating an end to the cycle of sexual violence and abuse. As a survivor of child sexual abuse and teenage sexual assault, I believe that the cycle of sexual violence is dependent on a culture of sexual shame, fear and silence. These toxic cycles can only be remedied by advocating for sexual wellness, freedom and pleasure. To this pleasurable end I have dedicated my creativity and leadership. I’d love to hear from you! Be In Touch. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Podcast Transcript can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep270

LAST CALL The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final week to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Sinclair Sexsmith and rife are here to talk 24/7 power exchange First up, you can hear me on two podcasts this week talking all about pleasure, bodies, and sex. I chatted with Chris Maxwell Rose of The Pleasure Mechanics all about pleasure, hunger, and the relationship between sex and food. I was also on Rebecca Scritchfield's podcast Body Kindness talking about sex as a social skill. Check them out! This conversation with Sinclair and rife is beautiful. They pull back the curtain on their relationship and let us take a peek at the ways they've grown into their dynamic of 24/7 Master/slave. We explore the ways that bringing conscious, deliberate negotiation to the ways we do relationship can create beautiful conditions for love, support and growth.  Sinclair shares how they want to show more vulnerability as a Dominant, allowing room for growth, mistakes, and not knowing - the antithesis of how so many people see Domination. rife talks about their ultimate goal of creating a trust so deep and so strong that they can surrender all their boundaries and the long, slow process of how they're working in that direction. They also share some of the things they're holding around the language  Master/slave and the legacy of those words within the white supremacy of the United States. I can't wait for you to hear this. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Sinclair and rife all about using kink to experience embodiment and how kink can be a part of healing trauma. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sinclair Sexsmith and rife: Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them pronouns) is a writer, teacher, and performer studying sexualities, genders, relationships, and kink. Since 2006 they have produced the award-winning site Sugarbutch Chronicles at sugarbutch.net, detailing their personal adventures and in depth studies of how to be their best self. Their full-length collection of short stories, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica is a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in the erotica category (and they have copies of here at Bawdy, including an extra bonus story, “The Houseboy’s Rebellion”, on the USB ebook version). In addition, they were just awarded the National Leather Association John Preston short story award for their piece, “Awakening: Mistress Elise Winter & morgan.” Sinclair leads college workshops around the country, and teach puberty and sex ed to 4th through 8th graders around the Bay Area. They live in Oakland with their boy. rife is the property of Sinclair Sexsmith, and a genderqueer leather boy from Texas. He is the illustrator and co-creator of The GENDER Book, a fun, colorful, community-based resource. When not serving Master, he serves many other folks in the community through his graphic and web design small business rowdyferretdesign.com. Stay in touch with them and learn more about their courses and writing at the following links: dsplayground.com thegenderbook.com kinkopoly.com sugarbutch.net twitter.com/mrsexsmith Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Podcast Transcript Can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep269

Dawn Serra is a sex and relationship coach who has dedicated her life to helping others orient towards pleasure so that we can heal the shame we carry around sex and deepen the trust we have in our bodies. In this episode, we talk about the historical and very culturally relevant reasons today that women struggle with sex today. You'll learn why sex is a social skill, why it's OK to have a fraught relationship to sex and how to change it, including how to tell your partner if you’ve been faking orgasms. And of course because TMI is a habit of mine, I share more details about my lack of sex experience— and how uncomfortable I was going through the process. I hope it helps you lean in to your discomfort, heal whatever is bothering you about sex and sexual health, and give yourself permission to experience more pleasure. Toward the end we answer a Body Kindness reader question who asked about sex when you have PTSD from sexual abuse and violence. You don't want to miss the resources and advice Dawn offers. --- About Dawn Dawn Serra is a sex and relationship coach who has dedicated her life to helping others orient towards pleasure so that we can heal the shame we carry around sex and deepen the trust we have in our bodies. She believes our hungers are wise and our pleasure is the path towards healing. Dawn is the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the free annual online conference, Explore More Summit, and works one-on-one with clients and couples around body trust, pleasure, and desire. DawnSerra.com | Explore More Summit | Sex Gets Real podcast | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook --- Get the Body Kindness book It's available wherever books and audiobooks are sold. Read reviews on Amazon and pick up your copy today! Order signed copies and bulk discounts here! --- Donate to support the show Thanks to our generous supporters! We're working toward our goal to fund the full season. Can you donate? Please visit our Go Fund Me page. --- Get started with Body Kindness Sign up to get started for free and stay up to date on the latest offerings --- Become a client Check out BodyKindnessBook.com/breakthrough for the latest groups and individual support sessions --- Subscribe to the podcastWe're on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and iHeartRadio. Enjoy the show? Please rate it on iTunes! Have a show idea or guest recommendation? E-mail podcast@bodykindnessbook.com to get in touch. --- Join the Facebook groupContinue the episode conversations with the hosts, guests, and fellow listeners on the Body Kindness Facebook group. See you there! Nothing in this podcast is meant to provide medical diagnosis, treatment, cure, or prevent any disease or condition. Individuals should consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical advice and answers to personal health questions.

Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Welcome to this week's episode, it's a very special treat, but first! Did you know you can support the show? You can, on Patreon. The show is entirely self-funded, so every single dollar makes a huge difference for me. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus is my chat with Adiposivity's founder Substantia Jones for the Explore More Bodies summit. We talk all about her project of photographing fat, naked bodies all around the world. Don't miss it! Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to support the show and get your bonus access. So, for this week's episode, in the spirit of treating myself to a vacation and working as little as possible (thank you to the person who emailed me and said I deserve a break - it felt so great to receive that support), this week's episode is my chat with Meg-John Barker from the very first Explore More Summit. Meg-John is someone I have learned SO much from and I adore their curious, compassionate approach to mental health, gender, love, and relationship. If you haven't checked out their awesome books, including one of my favorites "Rewriting the Rules", you can learn more about them here. In this interview, we talk about the ways we define love and how rigid it is, how we can find new ways to love and be in relationship, the romanticism and idea of The One that sets us up for a ton of distress, more expansive ways to approach happiness and love in our lives, self-criticism and intense emotions, and how we can begin healing and learning ways to navigate it all. Also, that book I mentioned, "Turn This World Inside Out" by Nora Samaran is recently out by AK Press, and you can grab your copy here. I'll be back next week with loads of your questions, so stay tuned! Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Grab the full episode transcript at sexgetsreal.com/ep268 Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

FULL TRANSCRIPT AT sexgetsreal.com/ep267 Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Welcome to this week's episode, full of your questions and some thoughts and questions I have in response. First up, a few years ago, Jasmine Kyon wrote an essay about why coming out is not the best option as the child of an immigrant family and how often the coming out narrative is white-centric and cis-centric. It's beautiful and important. Check it out here. Then, several of your awesome questions. Brooke struggled with wanting sex as she grappled with disordered eating, but now she's feeling more herself and she wants to explore more sexual things with her boyfriend. The problem? He never initiates and she doesn't want to have to be the one to always get things going. What can she do to honor this yummy horniness? Laura met her husband when she was 18 and they've been happily married for many years. He's an amazing husband and dad. The problem? She feels like she missed out by not having other experiences - especially when her friends share stories of old boyfriends and sexual escapades. All she can do is listen. Is the grass really greener? Is she missing out by only ever having had one sexual partner? Is this the culture or is it her? I love this question and we have a lot to explore here. Next up, find out why someone recently wrote this to me: “TAKE THE COURSE. You may think you're in touch with yourself and your desires, but this course opens your eyes to things deep within your soul that you didn't know existed. You will feel rejuvenated and insightful after each daily unit. The group chats each week provide beautiful perspective from others going on the journey with you. You won't regret signing up for this.” Finally, Paula is thinking about becoming a sex educator for the Hispanic community. She wants to know how I got started learning about sexuality and how she might get started herself. Hear where I got my start and why volunteering and being on the front lines of people's complex, messy, real lives is so important if you want to go into sex education. Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to a funny exploration of sexual injuries, inspired by an article I recently read - and I want to hear YOUR sexual injuries. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. My chat with Sinclair Sexsmith and rife got postposed, so this week's episode is just me and you. First up, I share about three new articles/resources that came across my feed this week. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep266 for all of the links mentioned in the episode. Then, we dive into two important questions from listeners just like you. Peter is a cis man who is a virgin. He has been listening to older episodes of the show and was confused by a conversation I had with a Dirty Lola in response to a cis woman who was a virgin asking about boundaries. Peter feels he shouldn't have boundaries if he ever meets someone who is willing to have sex with him in order to actually, well, have sex. Should he have boundaries or not? I offer feedback all about the importance of boundaries not only for our own pleasure but as a way to build trust with potential partners and because consent requires us to openly communicate our needs so that others can choose for themselves based on as much information as possible. Then, Allison is thinking about becoming a sex educator and wants to know what programs I recommend. Gosh, do I have thoughts! Because I get this question all the time, I share my thoughts about how most programs won't really meet anyone's needs if they want to become a sex educator and what I do see as the future of this field and what I think it will take to be a part of where we're going rather than where we've been. Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to my hour long and very intimate conversation with Isabel Abbott from Explore More Summit 2019. It's MAGICAL. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. This week's episode is just me and you. First, I get on a soapbox about the bullshit that is "straight pride" and how it's really just like white pride and men's rights activists. We've got to call this stuff out and do better. Listener Rick wrote in to share some changes he's experienced in pleasure since really listening to his wife. AMAZING! Next up, Confused Cookie has a problem. The love of her life keeps breaking their agreements and lying to her. This is not what ethical non-monogamy or polyamory are about, folks. If someone is breaking agreements, hiding things, and lying, that's unethical regardless of the dynamic. CC deserves so much better and I have suggestions for what to do next (*cough* leave him *cough*). Chuch has been having this new, bizarre sexual energy with a person in his life that isn't lustful, but definitely exciting. What is it and what are my thoughts, he wants to know? Will is 74 years old and he's started posing as a 20-something lesbian in an online golf game he's been playing. It's just for fun, but he isn't sure if he should tell his wife or not. Finally, @homebodytherapy on Instagram shared a powerful post about diet culture and our body's response to restriction. It ties so heavily to why so many of us struggle with pleasure. Let's explore it a bit. Patreon supporters, this week we're talking about sex abuse inside of marriage and committed relationships based on a Vox piece that recently resurfaced. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. This week's episode is just me and you. First up, some updates from the survivor pod around Franklin Veaux and hearing from more of the women. Definitely check out polyamory-metoo.com and Aida Manduley's twitter thread for some good stuff. You can also check out the Reddit thread with the comments I read here. Centering the stories and experiences of the women Franklin harmed is the most important thing, so if you do check out the updates from Franklin's folks, just remember that so far none of their updates have been from folks who understand trauma-informed work or alternative justice processes. They're actually quite harmful. Patreon supporters, this week I'm watching the new Vex Ashley and Four Chambered Heart erotic film and narrating what I see. It's fun and silly and by request. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Suppor at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to check out the article on incels and plastic surgery, I mentioned. You can check that out on The Cut. Now on to your questions! Alyssa wrote in because her fiancé won't talk during sex, but Alyssa thinks talking during sex would be super hot. How can she encourage him to talk more? Talking during sex can be super hot and super fun, and it can also make pleasure really difficult for some folks. Let's explore that dance of needs together. Fabulously Fem emailed me asking to hear more about cross dressing on the show and if I think dolls are ethical. I promise to have a crossdressing expert join us soon, but in the meantime you might want to check out Kink Academy's awesome videos on crossdressing for those who are interested. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Want to work with me? Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. My coaching practice has a few new spots available. If you could use support around the places where you feel most stuck, I'd love to support you. Details about my coaching practice are here: dawnserra.com/work-with-me . In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Three of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley. This episode is my conversation with therapist Aida Manduley. In it, we are building on the previous two episodes which included a conversation with Eve Rickert and Samantha Manewitz as we explore emotional abuse, accountability, and different ways of being in community with each other. Aida has been a part of several transformative justice processes and has tremendous perspective around how we can center those harmed without throwing out those who caused the harm. We also talk about how white supremacy impacts the ways we show up in life, the false promises made to cis men, and why grief work is crucial to alternative justice practices and accountability. We dive into why communities are where we should start when we're considering how harm happened in the first place and why we all need to adjust our expectations for how long these processes take. It's not a superhero movie where everything is resolved with one fell swoop. I cannot wait for you to hear this awesome conversation, and as noted in the other episodes, your financial help for the survivor pod would mean so much. Resources mentioned in this episode include: Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Aida Manduley on what helps and what hinders accountability processes. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Aida Manduley: Aida Manduley is an award-winning Latinx activist, international presenter, and trauma-focused clinician known for big earrings and building bridges. Trained as a sexuality educator, social worker, and nonprofit management professional, they’re* working to make the word a more equitable place through education, therapy, and community organizing. Their perspective centers intersectionality and maximizing kindness, while retaining both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. From The New York Times to The Rainbow Times, Mx. Manduley has been interviewed by a variety of media outlets. They were even brought on for a debate on the Laura Ingraham show—a popular conservative radio program—and lived to tell the tale. You can follow them on Twitter (@neuronbomb) or Instagram (@aidamanduley), like their page on Facebook, sign up for their newsletter (debuting September 2018), stay tuned to what books they’re nerding out with, and/or get more information about their professional accomplishments via LinkedIn. Grab the episode transcript at http://sexgetsreal.com/ep263

Want to work with me? Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Two of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley. This episode is my conversation with therapist Samantha Manewitz. We build on the conversation I had with Eve Rickert in Episode 261, exploring emotional abuse and gaslighting in relationships. One of the things Samantha stresses in this conversation is how normalized gaslighting is in the world right now. We have the highest levels of power (the US President) gaslighting an entire nation, and none of us are immune. We also explore some things that help reveal behaviors that might lead to emotional abuse and what one word can change the way we enter into relationships. This is an important and powerful conversation about how subtle emotional abuse can be, and how to look out for DARVO which is how emotional abusers position themselves as the victim. The survivor pod resources mentioned in this episode include: Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to grab your bonus content this week which includes a little PDF of the questions Samantha offered around helping to figure out if we're being gaslit, plus a few bonus minutes of our conversation AND an embodiment exercise that can help us arrive in the body in a gentle way. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Samantha Manewitz: Samantha Manewitz, LICSW CST, is an educator and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She has trained mental health professionals, sex educators, and alt-sex communities on healthy communication, abuse prevention, and mental health in BDSM. Samantha was a featured presenter at multiple conferences, including CatalystCon West, American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities, and the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. Among her therapeutic specialties are trauma (complex PTSD), sex therapy, couples therapy (level 2 Gottman trained), and gender affirming care for transgender/non binary clients. Samantha is also on the faculty of the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment, where she has presented on sexual coercion and psychotherapy with kinky clients. Stay in touch with Samantha at beyondsafewords.com. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Want to work with me? Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. My coaching practice has a few new spots available. If you could use support around the places where you feel most stuck, I'd love to support you. Details about my coaching practice are here: dawnserra.com/work-with-me . In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part One of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley. This episode is my conversation with Eve Rickert. In it, Eve shares her experience of being in a relationship with Franklin Veaux for five and a half years. She talks about what it was like in the beginning and what happened over the course of time. A part of she shares reveals what it's like to be on the receiving end of gaslighting and emotional abuse: the questioning of self, the isolation, thinking that you're actually crazy. Eve shares about how difficult it was to begin untangling herself from the confusion of it all and what happened when she started speaking with other women Franklin had been in relationship with. We explore and question who gets to tell the stories, who gets to have the redemption arc, and how we (collectively) are so terrible at asking about the people who were a part of that person's redemption, how we ignore or invisibilize their voices and experiences. We also talk about how being someone who caused harm doesn't make you a bad person or a disposable person, and being a survivor of harm doesn't mean you didn't also cause harm. We desperately need more nuanced and messy understandings of relationship dynamics and behaviors, to move away from the good vs evil, pure vs villain narratives that force us into black-and-white categories. This also contributes to victim blaming and the "good survivor" story that so many survivors feel boxed in by. Eve also speaks about being witnessed at Southwest Poly Love Fest and how important that was for her, but how it also made her question why she got to be witnessed in that way and some of the other people impacted by abuse don't get that gift. In the end, this conversation is really about examining problematic behaviors and the harm they can cause, engaging in accountability processes that are outside of our criminal "justice" system, and what we need to start asking ourselves about how we're doing relationship. The survivor pod resources mentioned in this episode include: Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Eve Rickert: Eve Rickert is the co-author of the books More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory and Black Iron, and the co-founder and publisher of Thorntree Press. Support Eve's fundraiser for suicide prevention here. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

WHOA! Birth control without a trip to the doctor? YES!!!! Simple Health is generously sponsoring this episode and YOU can get a free prescription for birth control without every leaving your home. That's right, Simple Health has made birth control easier and cheaper than ever. You fill out an online questionnaire about your health, body, insurance, and preferences. They have a doctor review your information and make a recommendation for contraception. Then, they issue a prescription and Simple Health MAILS IT TO YOU at regular intervals, without you ever having to go anywhere or remember anything. If you have insurance, using Simple Health is often totally free. If you don't have insurance, you can get birth control pills for starting around $15 per month. And...Sex Gets Real listeners, YOU CAN GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED! Head to simplehealth.com/sgr or enter code SGR at check-out and the $20 prescription fee will be waived. Birth control has never been so easy. More of your questions have poured in, so that's what we're doing today. But first, if you'd like to join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course, check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. You can also check out coaching at dawnserra.com/work-with-me - I have a few new spots opened up for new clients and I'd love to support you. First up, Not Asking For It wrote in about play party etiquette. At a recent play party, NAFI wasn't really into anyone there, but two women were following her around and she had to keep dodging their advances. As she left, one of the women hugged her, but then held on to her and kissed NAFI without consent. How can you set boundaries at a play party that aren't shaming or mean? I explore play party etiquette and how different organizers will have very different rules and values for their parties. We also need to talk about how assertiveness is in no way mean or shaming, and part of the work we have to do - especially women and non-binary/agender folks - is that being assertive is a big part of how we can navigate these spaces more safely. What comes up for you when someone says "You're making me uncomfortable" or "You're standing too close to me". If those statements make you uncomfortable, that's work YOU need to do around why someone taking care of themselves feels shameful or like an attack. I also recommend Cristien Storm's book "Living in Liberation" which is my favorite resource for learning about communicating boundaries, plus Jaclyn Friedman's "What You Really Really Want", Soraya Chemaly's "Rage Becomes Her", and "The Assertiveness Workbook". Please support your local independent bookstore, but if you want an Amazon link, those links are my affiliate link. If you need help being more assertive and you're a woman, gender non-conforming/agender, check out Marcia Baczynski's Good Girl Recovery program, too. Next up, AP has a bra and panty fetish. They look at pictures of plus sized bodies in bra and panties every day. Is that weird? And where do fetishes come from anyway? Is an early childhood experience AP had of getting caught trying on some bra and panties where it all started? Let's talk about our brains and where fetishes come from, plus why fetishes are totally normal, and how we can more ethically engage with our desires to that they feel spacious AND values-aligned. Someone wrote to me on Facebook asking about gay women and puppy play. In addition to contacting Ruby, the Black Sex Geek, in Dallas, Princess Kali also said all of the puppy play videos on KinkAcademy.com are by women. Plus, Fetlife! Finally, Paralyzed wrote in because while her father has always been a dud - creepy, uninvolved, sexually commenting on her body, she recently unearthed a memory of him sexually abusing her. But her family doesn't really think he's that bad and they think she's being dramatic in wanting to cut off ties. How can Paralyzed cut off communication with her father AND navigate the family dynamics with her mom and siblings? I highly recommend checking out generationfive.org, especially their resources, as well as Staci Haines' "Healing Sex". Finding support groups for survivors of childhood sexual abuse is so important as we navigate spaces like this. Community, friends, and therapists are all an important part of feeling supported, especially when part of our healing may mean disrupting our relationship with our family. We deserve to be believed. We deserve to be supported. We do not owe our family our time, access to our body, or any explanations about what we need to do in order to take of ourselves - even if that's really difficult to do. Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. The bonus this week is a worksheet about safety in our lives and how we can bring in more safety and less tolerating in order to make space for more pleasure. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)  

WHOA! Easy & cheap birth control? YES!!!! Simple Health is generously sponsoring this episode and YOU can get a free prescription for birth control without every leaving your home. That's right, Simple Health has made birth control easier and cheaper than ever. You fill out an online questionnaire about your health, body, insurance, and preferences. They have a doctor review your information and make a recommendation for contraception. Then, they issue a prescription and Simple Health MAILS IT TO YOU at regular intervals, without you ever having to go anywhere or remember anything. If you have insurance, using Simple Health is often totally free. If you don't have insurance, you can get birth control pills for starting around $15 per month. And...Sex Gets Real listeners, YOU CAN GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED! Head to simplehealth.com/sgr or enter code SGR at check-out and the $20 prescription fee will be waived. Birth control has never been so easy. So, let's dive into this week's episode. First up, I have some openings in my coaching practice. If you'd like to work with me around your body, your relationship to sex and desire, or get some couples support, head to dawnserra.com or fill out my intake questionnaire and we can have a quick chat to see if this might be a good fit for you. I'd love to support you. Yesterday, Mia Mingus shared some really thought-provoking questions about accountability. What if we cherished and ran towards accountability? What if accountability was about love, connection, and feeling into new depths of ourselves instead of about punishment? Let's explore that a little bit. I also got a short listener question asking about women who are into older partners. WHOA. I had a lot to say about this that I didn't realize was swirling around inside of me. So, let's talk about power, about preferences, and about the ways we are groomed to value younger women and older men. Plus, Patreon supporter Katie weighs in with her thoughts, as well. Then I field a question from Danny. You see, Danny is married but he doesn't want to have sex with his wife. He just wants to masturbate. Is that weird? Is it wrong? What's up? Solo sex is amazing. Talk about a skilled lover who can read your mind! And yes, solo sex, or masturbation, are REAL, FULL sex. But what about Danny's wife, who doesn't love his affinity for masturbating over having sex with her? Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. The bonus this week is all about pleasure. I've got some JUICY questions for you to explore that will help you consider your relationship with pleasure. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)