Podcast appearances and mentions of megan hunter

Inside the Lori Vallow Daybell Case: A Deep Dive into Criminal PsychologyBill Eddy and Megan Hunter, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, dive deep into one of the most disturbing true crime cases in recent history—the Lori Vallow Daybell murders. The hosts explore the psychological aspects behind what led to multiple murders, including those of Vallow's own children, and examine potential personality patterns that may help explain such extreme behavior.The Complex Web of Personality and CrimeBill and Megan discuss how individuals who commit horrific acts often display patterns of behavior long before their crimes. They explore how Vallow's case may demonstrate characteristics associated with antisocial personality traits—combined with possible narcissistic tendencies. The hosts emphasize that these patterns often have genetic components rather than being solely the result of upbringing or environment.Understanding Family ImpactThe episode provides valuable insights into how family members process and heal from such traumatic events. Through examining Vallow's surviving son Colby's experience, Bill and Megan highlight the importance of understanding that what seems typical in childhood may later be recognized as problematic—leading to crucial healing opportunities.Questions we answer in this episode:What personality patterns might explain seemingly inexplicable criminal behavior?How do genetic factors influence personality development?Can early intervention help prevent antisocial behavior patterns?What role does narcissism play in high conflict cases?How do family members begin healing after discovering disturbing truths?Key Takeaways:Antisocial personality traits often emerge before age 12Early intervention is crucial for addressing concerning behaviorsGenetic factors play a significant role in personality developmentComplex cases often involve multiple personality patternsHealing requires understanding it wasn't family members' faultThis episode offers valuable insights for mental health professionals, law enforcement, and anyone seeking to understand complex criminal behavior. Through careful analysis of the Vallow case, listeners gain practical knowledge about personality patterns, family dynamics, and the importance of early intervention in preventing tragic outcomes.Links & Other NotesARTICLELori Vallow Daybell / Chad Daybell articleBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Second Edition)ARTICLESViolence and Mental HealthSociopaths and their DeceptionsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - Lori Vallow/Chad Daybell Murder (02:51) - Setting the Stage (06:36) - Thoughts on First Case (11:58) - Colby (13:50) - Anti-Social Personality Behavior (21:06) - Treating Younger Children (23:18) - Warning Signs (24:27) - Chad's Story (31:47) - Making Up ‘Truths' (34:16) - Narcissism (37:10) - Wrapping Up (38:48) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Shehrina Rooney and BPD Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Listener Questions: Managing Self-Awareness and High Conflict RelationshipsIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, tackle pressing listener questions about managing difficult relationships and developing self-awareness. The episode focuses particularly on handling interactions with individuals who display challenging personality traits and navigating complex relationship dynamics.Understanding Self-Awareness and Conflict ManagementBill and Megan explore the crucial role of self-awareness in managing high conflict tendencies. They emphasize that approximately 10% of people exhibit high conflict personality traits, with self-awareness being a key differentiator in relationship success. The hosts discuss practical tools like the BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm) method and EAR statements for better communication.Navigating Complex RelationshipsThe discussion delves into strategies for dealing with challenging personalities in various contexts, including co-parenting situations and mediation. Bill and Megan stress the importance of setting realistic expectations and knowing when to try alternative approaches if initial strategies aren't working.Personal Change and External InfluencesAn important segment addresses how manipulative relationships can impact otherwise healthy individuals, potentially causing them to display uncharacteristic behaviors. The hosts explore the importance of maintaining personal boundaries and recognizing when to seek professional help.Questions we answer in this episode:How can someone who recognizes their own high conflict tendencies improve their relationships?What strategies work best when mediating with challenging personalities?Can manipulative relationships cause someone to display high conflict behaviors?How should one approach personality changes in relationships?What role do organizational structures play in conflict resolution?Key Takeaways:Self-awareness is crucial for managing high conflict tendenciesSet clear boundaries and know when to stop trying certain approachesSudden personality changes should prompt medical evaluationManipulative relationships can affect anyone's behaviorSupport systems and professional help are valuable resourcesThis episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with challenging relationships or working to improve their own conflict management skills. Bill and Megan offer practical tools and compassionate guidance while maintaining professional boundaries and emphasizing the importance of seeking appropriate medical and mental health support when needed.Links & Other NotesPROFESSIONAL TRAININGNew Ways for Mediation training for professionalsCOURSES & CLASSESNew Ways for Life (training to help young people learn 4 Big Skills)Conflict Influencer Group ClassBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:40) - Listener Questions (02:02) - Question One (06:03) - Question Two (11:28) - Question Three (13:38) - Question Four (18:59) - Question Five (22:40) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bully Bosses Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Navigating Complex Family Dynamics: Your Questions AnsweredIn this listener-focused episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address pressing questions about dealing with high conflict personalities in family relationships. The episode dives deep into managing challenging family dynamics, setting healthy boundaries, and understanding different conflict management styles.Family Relationships and High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan explore a complex situation involving an adopted son who shows signs of high conflict behavior patterns. They discuss how early childhood experiences can shape adult relationships and offer insights into managing these challenging family dynamics while maintaining hope for positive change.Setting Boundaries with SiblingsThe episode examines the delicate balance of maintaining relationships with high conflict siblings while protecting personal boundaries. Bill and Megan provide practical strategies for managing distance in relationships without completely severing ties, emphasizing the importance of scheduled communication and clear expectations.Understanding Conflict AvoidanceThe hosts explore an interesting perspective on highly conflict-averse individuals and their relationship to high conflict situations. They discuss how different personality types interact with conflict and provide insights into professional approaches to managing high conflict situations.Questions we answer in this episode:How can parents maintain relationships with adult children who show high conflict behaviors?What strategies work best when a sibling with a high conflict personality wants more contact than you're comfortable giving?How should you respond to family members who sense your intentional distance?Is there such thing as a "highly conflict-averse personality"?How do different personality types handle conflict differently?Key Takeaways:Personality patterns typically stabilize by age 25Early childhood experiences significantly impact adult relationship patternsSetting boundaries doesn't mean cutting ties completelyRegular scheduled contact can help manage high conflict relationshipsProfessional help can provide valuable tools for managing family dynamicsThis episode offers valuable insights for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in their family relationships. Through real-world examples and expert analysis, listeners gain practical tools for managing challenging relationships while maintaining their own emotional well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeIt's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People Series: Do's and Don'ts for living with a Histrionic High-Conflict PersonCOURSES & CLASSESNew Ways for Life (training to help young people learn 4 Big Skills)Conflict Influencer Group ClassOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:36) - Listener Questions (01:50) - Catching Up (07:20) - Question One (18:31) - Question Two (26:24) - Question Three (37:39) - Wrap Up (37:57) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Megan Hunter is a prizewinning novelist, dramatist and screenwriter. Her first novel, The End We Start From was shortlisted for Novel of the Year at the Books Are My Bag Awards, longlisted for the Aspen Words Prize, was a Barnes and Noble Discover Awards finalist and won the Forward Reviews Editor's Choice Award. It was adapted into a major motion picture by Alice Birch, starring Jodie Comer and directed by Mahalia Belo. Her second novel, The Harpy, was Indie Book of the Month; she is currently adapting it for television with Red Planet Pictures. Her dramatic monologue Salt of the Earth premiered at Venice Film Festival. Megan's other writing has appeared in the White Review, the TLS, Literary Hub, Vogue, Elle, BOMB, and elsewhere. On this episode of Little Atoms she talks to Neil Denny about her new novel Days of Light. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Negotiating with High Conflict Personalities: A Transformative ApproachIn this enlightening episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute welcome Michèle Huff, author of "The Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement." Through her experience as a transactional lawyer and current executive director at UC Berkeley's Office of Business Contracts and Brand Protection, Huff shares insights that align perfectly with managing high conflict situations while maintaining humanity and connection.The conversation explores how Huff's unique approach to negotiation - emphasizing internal transformation and human connection - can be particularly effective when dealing with high conflict personalities. Drawing from Buddhist principles and years of experience in Silicon Valley, Huff explains how understanding oneself becomes crucial when facing challenging behaviors in negotiations. Bill and Megan connect these concepts to their extensive work with high conflict personalities, showing how transformative negotiation techniques can help manage difficult situations.The discussion delves into practical strategies for maintaining composure when faced with high conflict behaviors, including the use of "anchoring" techniques and mindful breathing. Particularly valuable is the exploration of how these methods can work even in high-stakes business environments where traditional aggressive negotiation tactics are common. The episode also addresses cultural differences in negotiation styles, offering insights into managing high conflict situations across cultural boundaries.Questions we answer in this episode:How do you maintain effectiveness when dealing with high conflict personalities?What techniques help keep negotiations productive when emotions run high?How can you recognize early warning signs of high conflict behavior in negotiations?When should you walk away from a negotiation?What role does self-awareness play in managing difficult negotiations?Key Takeaways:Understanding your own triggers helps manage high conflict situationsHuman connection can defuse potentially volatile negotiationsPhysical and emotional well-being directly impacts negotiation successSetting appropriate boundaries is crucial in high conflict situationsTransformative negotiation techniques work in both personal and professional contextsThis episode provides essential insights for anyone who deals with high conflict personalities in negotiations, from business professionals to mediators to individuals managing personal relationships. Huff's approach to transformative negotiation, combined with Bill and Megan's expertise in high conflict personalities, offers practical strategies for achieving better outcomes while maintaining professional boundaries and personal well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKSThe Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement (Revised & Updated Edition)Purchase on our website: https://www.unhookedmedia.com/stock/p/transformative-negotiator-fcgdxPurchase on AmazonGUEST MICHELE HUFF WEBSITEhttps://michelehuff.com/2nd-edition-book/ARTICLESRead Michele's blogOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:43) - Michèle Huff (05:27) - Her Background (11:28) - Book's Title (13:15) - Soft Skills in Negotiations (17:37) - Transferring Skills (20:55) - Mistakes in Negotiating (25:51) - Negotiating with HCPs (34:28) - Caring and Authenticity (40:38) - Finding Your Anchors and Keeping Deadlines at Bay (45:53) - Resistance (50:27) - Dedication (54:13) - Wrap Up (55:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Kara Rubenstein on DNA Surprises Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness in Family Court: A Judge's PerspectiveIn this enlightening episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome back retired Judge Bruce Cohen to discuss the critical differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness in family court proceedings. With decades of combined experience in family law, social work, and conflict resolution, the trio explores how presentation style can significantly impact case outcomes, especially in custody disputes.Understanding the Impact of Communication StyleJudge Cohen shares invaluable insights about how judges perceive different communication approaches in the courtroom. He emphasizes that while both assertive and aggressive styles express thoughts, feelings, and needs, assertiveness does so respectfully while aggressiveness relies on blame and confrontation. Bill and Megan explore this distinction through real-world examples and practical applications.The Role of Personality Disorders in CourtThe discussion delves into Bill's book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The hosts and Judge Cohen examine how to address concerning behavior patterns without falling into the trap of amateur diagnosis or labeling. They stress the importance of focusing on specific behaviors and their impact rather than clinical terms.Effective Court CommunicationBill shares his expertise on writing for court, offering practical tips for presenting information effectively. Judge Cohen provides valuable feedback from the bench's perspective, confirming the importance of clear, organized, and relevant presentation of facts. The conversation highlights how proper documentation and presentation can significantly influence court outcomes.Questions we answer in this episode:What's the difference between assertive and aggressive communication in court?How do judges perceive different communication styles?When should personality disorder concerns be raised in court?How should evidence be presented most effectively?What communication mistakes commonly harm court cases?Key Takeaways:Focus on specific behaviors rather than diagnostic labelsPresent your strongest evidence first rather than chronologicallyStart documents by clearly stating what you wantRespond to false allegations with measured, factual responsesUse headers and organized presentation in court documentsThis episode provides essential insights for anyone involved in family court proceedings, whether as a party, attorney, or helping professional. The combination of judicial perspective, clinical expertise, and practical experience offers listeners a comprehensive understanding of effective court communication strategies.Links & Other NotesCLASSESConflict Influencer (live group class)Writing for Court: 10 Tips for Persuading Decision-Makers (self-directed 1-hour course)BOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESTaking the Assertive Approach in Family CourtManaging a Blamer with an Assertive Approach6 Ways You Should Be Assertive in Family CourtSIGN UP FOR NEWSLETTEROUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:37) - Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness (13:36) - Easy to Read? (15:51) - The Splitting Book (20:04) - Court Experience (23:02) - Patterns of Behavior (25:32) - How to Present (27:47) - Self-Represented Cases (29:36) - Writing for Court (43:29) - Get Away from the Terms (45:22) - Wrap-up (45:49) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: When Your Friend or Family Is an HCP Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

Understanding Anger and High Conflict PersonalitiesBill Eddy and Megan Hunter, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, dive deep into the complex relationship between anger and high conflict personalities. This illuminating episode explores why some people experience instant rage while others maintain better emotional control, particularly in challenging interpersonal situations.The Science Behind Anger ManagementRecent research from Ohio State University challenges common beliefs about anger management techniques. Contrary to popular advice, activities like venting or intense physical exercise may not effectively reduce anger. Instead, the key lies in lowering physiological arousal through specific calming techniques. Bill and Megan explore these findings while discussing the brain's role in emotional regulation, particularly focusing on the relationship between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex.Different Personalities, Different Anger PatternsThe episode provides valuable insights into how various personality types experience and express anger differently. Bill explains how people with different personality traits may process and display anger in distinct ways, from calculated responses to uncontrolled emotional outbursts. This understanding is crucial for developing effective interaction strategies.Connection and Anger ManagementBill and Megan discuss the surprising effectiveness of human connection in managing anger. Whether through eye contact, using someone's name, or engaging in group activities, the power of connection emerges as a key factor in de-escalating high conflict situations.Questions we answer in this episode:Why do some people go from calm to enraged so quickly?How do different personality types experience and express anger?What anger management techniques actually work?How does early childhood development affect adult anger patterns?What role does human connection play in managing anger?Key Takeaways:Not all traditional anger management techniques are effectiveDifferent personality types express anger in distinct waysHuman connection can be a powerful tool for de-escalating angerEarly childhood experiences significantly impact adult anger patternsUnderstanding anger triggers is crucial for better managementThis episode provides essential insights for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities or seeking to better understand anger management. Through research-backed discussion and practical examples, Bill and Megan offer valuable strategies for managing anger in both personal and professional contexts.Links & Other NotesBOOKSOur New World of Adult BulliesThe Archaeology of Mind: Neuroevolutionary Origins of Human EmotionsARTICLESA meta-analytic review of anger management activities that increase or decrease arousal: What fuels or douses rage?Breathe, don't vent: Turning down the heat is key to managing angerOUR NEWSLETTERGet our updates.SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTSInvite us to speak.OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:37) - Catching Up (03:43) - Anger and Ways to Get Rid of It (07:12) - HCP Types and Anger (12:23) - Conscious vs. Unconscious (13:33) - Anger and the Brain (18:20) - Learning Self Restraint (19:54) - Study Highlights (21:23) - Difficult for HCPs (23:09) - More Research (30:59) - Archaelogy of the Mind (38:41) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Being Assertive Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

Understanding Emotion Dysregulation and BPDIn this enlightening episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore emotion dysregulation, particularly focusing on its connection to borderline personality disorder (BPD). Fresh from his New Zealand trip, Bill joins Megan to share expert insights into why some individuals experience intense emotional reactions and how this impacts relationships.The Brain-Emotion ConnectionBill and Megan delve into the neurological aspects of emotion dysregulation, discussing how brain structure influences emotional responses. They explore research about brain development and its role in managing emotions, offering hope through evidence that therapeutic interventions can create positive changes.From Childhood Through AdolescenceThe discussion examines how genetic predisposition, early childhood experiences, and parent-child relationships shape emotional regulation abilities. Bill and Megan provide valuable insights for parents struggling to distinguish between typical teenage behavior and potentially concerning patterns, while exploring how media and social networks can reinforce unhealthy emotional patterns.Questions we answer in this episode:What is emotion dysregulation and how does it relate to BPD?How can parents distinguish between normal teenage emotions and concerning behavior?What role does brain structure play in emotional regulation?Can emotional regulation skills be improved through therapy?How do early childhood experiences impact emotional regulation?Key Takeaways:Emotion dysregulation is a key component of BPD but can be managed with proper treatmentBrain structure plays a crucial role in emotional regulationEarly childhood experiences significantly impact emotional regulation abilitiesThe teenage years present a critical window for developing emotional regulation skillsMedia and social networks can reinforce unhealthy emotional patternsThis episode provides essential insights for parents, mental health professionals, and anyone seeking to understand emotional regulation better. Bill and Megan offer practical, science-based information while maintaining a compassionate perspective on managing big emotions.Links & Other NotesCOACHING & CONSULTATIONConsultation (1-hour)Coaching: Live LabBOOKSThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesCOURSESConflict Influencer™ ClassHigh Conflict Legal Dispute Resolver CertificationARTICLESKeep the Conflict Small (with managed emotions)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:39) - Emotion Disregulation (02:18) - Catching Up (05:53) - Big Emotions and BPD (07:31) - Correlations (08:27) - Quick Shifts (17:54) - Anger Management Classes (19:03) - Teen Years (21:16) - Deciding What's Normal (27:41) - If You're the Parent (29:34) - Media Influence (32:29) - Bottom Line (33:01) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Anger Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

In this episode Ian Lewis interviews Megan Hunter to explore the dynamics of being an internal or external consultant to an organization and modelling psychological safety while doing psychological health and safety. It seems intuitive but one needs to be reminded organizations need to have pre-requisite trust and psychological safety to do the work required to gather, disclose, and contextualize their data. They also go on a short rabbit trail about why Canadians often begin events and episodes with a land acknowledgment and honour indigenous people.

Managing Workplace Emotions: From Reactivity to ResilienceIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter is joined by Cherolyn Knapp, a workplace conflict expert from the High Conflict Institute. Together, they explore the crucial topic of emotional management in professional settings, offering practical strategies for leaders and employees to handle heightened emotions effectively. Cherolyn brings her extensive experience as a lawyer, mediator, and workplace investigator to provide valuable insights into managing difficult situations and maintaining professional relationships.Understanding Emotional ContagionMegan and Cherolyn discuss how emotions spread in workplace settings - similar to WiFi - and the importance of being aware of this phenomenon. They emphasize the distinction between experiencing emotions and reacting to them, highlighting how unmanaged emotions can escalate conflicts and disrupt workplace harmony.The Power of Emotional RegulationThe conversation delves into practical techniques for emotional regulation, including the crucial "calm before think" approach. They explore how taking even a brief moment to regulate emotions can lead to better decision-making and more productive interactions. The discussion includes specific strategies like grounding exercises and positive self-talk that can be implemented immediately in workplace settings.Time Investment in Emotional ManagementA significant portion of the episode focuses on why investing time in emotional management isn't just beneficial - it's essential for workplace efficiency. Megan and Cherolyn explain how taking short breaks to address emotional situations can actually save time in the long run by preventing larger conflicts from developing.Questions we answer in this episode:What does unmanaged emotion look like in the workplace?How can leaders help team members who are experiencing emotional outbursts?What immediate steps can anyone take to regain emotional control?Why is emotional regulation crucial for workplace success?How can we break the cycle of emotional contagion?Key Takeaways:Emotions are contagious in workplace settingsBreathing exercises can quickly restore calm and rational thinkingGrounding techniques using five senses help manage emotional reactionsPositive self-talk is a powerful tool for emotional regulationSmall time investments in emotional management yield significant returnsThis episode provides invaluable insights for anyone looking to improve their emotional management skills in professional settings. Whether you're a leader managing team dynamics or an employee navigating workplace relationships, the practical strategies and real-world examples offered by Megan and Cherolyn provide a comprehensive toolkit for maintaining emotional equilibrium in challenging situations.Links & Other NotesTRAININGLEADERS TRAINING: New Ways for Work® Leaders TrainingCOACHES TRAINING: New Ways for Work® Coaches TrainingARTICLESKeep the Conflict Small! (With Managed Emotions)How to Avoid Getting Hooked by High Conflict BehaviorBOOKSCalming Upset People with EAR5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Managing Emotions (02:22) - Welcome Back, Cherolyn! (02:58) - Cherolyn's Background (05:32) - Where and How to Display Emotions (07:17) - Our Feelings and How We Express Them (08:59) - Unmanaged Emotions (11:18) - Bringing Someone Down (15:59) - Things to Avoid Doing (18:59) - Take the Time (20:56) - Grounding (24:31) - Positive Self-Talk (28:08) - New Ways for Work Coaching (30:41) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Borderline Personality Disorder Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

At the heart of The Prophets' vision are “The 24 Essential Supply Chain Processes.” What are they? Find out, and see the future yourself. Click here The automotive supply chain isn't what it used to be. Between shifting global policies, evolving AI capabilities, and the relentless push for sustainability, the pressure is on. And if you're not thinking ahead, you're already behind. But Martinrea is ahead of the curve, and in this episode, Megan Hunter, Executive VP of Procurement and Supply Chain Operations, explains how.One of the biggest game-changers? AI. Forget spending hours digging through Google for the right supplier. AI-powered tools now make instant supplier recommendations, cut through the noise, and even challenge old-school procurement tactics. But AI isn't perfect—Megan shares the hidden risks that supply chain leaders must watch out for.Then there's supplier transparency, a topic everyone talks about but few have mastered. Why? Because transparency isn't a tech problem—it's a trust problem. Megan reveals the reality of deep-tier supplier mapping, the struggle to get reliable data, and the cultural shift needed to make transparency a reality.And let's talk about sustainability—not as a checkbox, but as a game-changing strategy. At Martinrea, it's not just about the planet; it's about saving millions. Localized sourcing? 300,000 fewer miles traveled. Smart packaging? Less waste, lower costs.Of course, none of this works without the right people in place. However, the auto industry faces a massive talent gap. Megan's solution? Don't wait for talent—build it. Martinrea is launching an industry-first supply chain apprenticeship program, pulling in fresh talent from the ground up and training them in everything from procurement to AI-driven analytics.And if you're feeling overwhelmed by all of this? Megan's advice is simple: start with quick wins. Instead of getting stuck in the complexity, take immediate, tangible steps to drive change.Themes discussed in this episode:How Martinrea is using AI to streamline supplier searches and procurementThe biggest challenges in supplier transparency and why trust is the missing linkWhy sustainability is not just good for the planet but a cost-saving strategyThe role of zero landfill initiatives in Martinrea's waste reduction effortsWhy real supply chain transformation requires cultural shifts, not just technologyHow Martinrea is addressing the supply chain talent gap with an apprenticeship programThe importance of quick wins in driving supply chain innovation and progressFeatured on this episode:Name: Megan HunterTitle: Executive Vice President Procurement and Supply Chain Operations at Martinrea InternationalAbout: Megan is the Executive Vice President of Procurement and Supply Chain Operations at Martinrea International Inc., a role she has held since December 2019. She leads the company's global procurement and supply chain strategy, ensuring sustainable and efficient operations across the organization. In addition to overseeing procurement, Megan is also responsible for the Auburn Hills Technical Center and Martinrea's sustainability initiatives.Connect: LinkedInMentioned in this episode:Microsoft Copilot: Your AI companion

When High Conflict at Home Impacts the WorkplaceIn this powerful episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore how personal conflicts and challenging situations at home can significantly affect workplace performance and mental wellbeing. The hosts dive deep into understanding the impact of home-based stress on professional life, while offering practical solutions for both employees and employers dealing with these situations.The episode examines how criticism, verbal abuse, and high conflict situations at home can deplete an individual's emotional resources before they even arrive at work. Bill and Megan discuss the neuroscience behind stress responses, particularly focusing on how the amygdala's fight-or-flight response can impact professional performance. They explore how encouraging self-statements can act as a protective shield against negative emotions and criticism.A significant portion of the discussion centers on workplace dynamics and communication strategies. Bill and Megan provide valuable insights into when and how to communicate with employers about personal situations, emphasizing the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries while seeking support. They also address the employer's perspective, offering guidance on creating supportive workplace environments without compromising professional standards.Questions we answer in this episode:How does high conflict at home affect workplace performance?What strategies can employees use to manage personal stress at work?When should an employee disclose personal conflicts to their employer?How can employers support staff dealing with high conflict situations?What role do encouraging self-statements play in managing conflict?Key Takeaways:Encouraging self-statements can help block negative emotionsPersonal conflicts can significantly impact workplace performanceThe BIF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly and firm) helps manage difficult communicationsConsider consulting EAP resources before discussing issues with employersEmployers should lead with empathy while maintaining appropriate boundariesThis episode provides essential insights for anyone navigating the challenging intersection between personal conflicts and professional life. Whether you're an employee dealing with high conflict situations at home or an employer seeking to support your team members effectively, this discussion offers practical, actionable strategies for maintaining workplace productivity while supporting mental health and wellbeing.Links & Other NotesNEWSLETTERSign upBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at WorkIt's All Your Fault at Work!ARTICLESNew Ways for Work®: A New Coaching MethodCOURSESNew Ways for Work®: Training for Leaders (for managers, supervisors, etc. to learn how to handle high-conflict at work)New Ways for Work®: Training for Coaches (for workplace coaches to learn this method to use with clients/coachees)CLASSES: Conflict Influencer™ Class (to learn how to deal with high-conflict) OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:37) - Impact Inside the Workplace when High Conflict's Happening Outside of It (02:06) - Catching Up (05:52) - What High Conflict Feels Like When You're Involved In It (08:17) - Criticism and Beyond (11:23) - Stress and the Brain (14:01) - Conflict Tolerance (17:34) - When You Have to Go to Work (21:01) - Encouraging Statements (23:49) - High Conflict Interruptions (27:56) - Talking to Your Employer (32:24) - If You're the Employer (36:07) - Wrap Up (37:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: TBD Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Understanding Psychopathy: Nature, Nurture, and Warning SignsIn this enlightening continuation of their discussion on psychopathy, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deeper into understanding how personality patterns develop and why some individuals with psychopathic traits go undetected. Following up on their previous episode exploring the $460 billion annual cost to the US criminal justice system, Bill and Megan examine whether someone can suddenly "become" psychopathic and discuss the crucial developmental stages that shape personality.The episode explores the fascinating intersection of genetics, early childhood experiences, and cultural environment in forming personality patterns. Bill and Megan emphasize how the first five years of life are particularly crucial in personality development, with many patterns established by age six. They share valuable insights about identifying warning signs in relationships and workplaces, while discussing the historical evolutionary advantages that may have contributed to these personality traits surviving in human populations.The conversation takes an important turn toward practical advice, offering guidance for those who suspect they might be in a relationship with someone showing psychopathic traits. Bill and Megan discuss treatment possibilities, safety considerations, and the importance of seeking professional help when needed.Questions we answer in this episode:Can someone suddenly "switch" to become psychopathic?How do early childhood experiences shape personality development?What are the warning signs of psychopathic traits in relationships?Is psychopathy treatable?How can you safely handle relationships with someone showing these traits?Key Takeaways:Personality patterns are largely established by age 5-6Genetics play a significant role in antisocial personality traitsWarning signs include disconnects between words and actionsTreatment options are limited, especially for adultsSafety should be the primary concern when leaving these relationshipsThis episode provides essential information for anyone seeking to understand psychopathy and its impact on relationships and society. Through practical examples and expert insights, listeners gain valuable knowledge about recognizing warning signs and protecting themselves while maintaining professional and personal relationships.Links & Other NotesPSYCHOPATHY ARTICLEBerkeley Voices Psychopathy goes undetected in some people. Why?BOOKSIt's All Your Fault at Work!It's All Your Fault!Our New World of Adult BulliesCOURSESHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleThe Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict PeopleSociopaths and Their DeceptionsManipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality Disorder OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:39) - Psychopathy Part 2 (02:09) - Can a Switch Be Flipped? (04:26) - The First Five Years (09:04) - Looking for Signs (14:53) - Pushing Forward (23:13) - What to Do (26:12) - Treatment (30:13) - Wrap Up (31:59) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Listener Questions Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Understanding Psychopathy: Costs, Characteristics, and Social Impact (Part 1)In this first episode of a two-part series, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore psychopathy, its relationship to antisocial personality disorder, and its staggering $460 billion annual cost to the US criminal justice system. Drawing from recent research and their extensive experience at the High Conflict Institute, Bill and Megan break down complex psychological concepts into practical, understandable terms.The Spectrum of Antisocial BehaviorBill and Megan discuss how antisocial personality disorder manifests, its early warning signs, and its relationship to psychopathy. They explore how these traits appear in various settings — from business environments to personal relationships — and why early intervention is crucial, particularly before age 15.Understanding Psychopathy's Three Key FeaturesThe episode delves into the three main characteristics of psychopathy: disinhibition (extreme risk-taking), callousness (lack of empathy), and boldness (absence of fear). Bill and Megan examine how these traits manifest in real-world situations and their implications for relationships and society.Modern Diagnosis and AssessmentThe hosts explore the shift from viewing personality traits as fixed characteristics to understanding them as dimensions on a spectrum. This modern approach allows for more nuanced understanding and assessment of psychopathic traits.Questions we answer in this episode:What is the difference between antisocial personality disorder, sociopathy, and psychopathy?How early can antisocial behaviors be identified?Can someone with these traits change with treatment?What role does empathy play in psychopathy?How do these personalities impact everyday relationships?Key Takeaways:Psychopathy costs the US criminal justice system approximately $460 billion annuallyEarly intervention (before age 15) is crucial for changing antisocial behaviorsAntisocial personality disorder affects about 4% of adults, while psychopathy affects about 1%People with these traits often display instrumental empathy rather than genuine empathyUnderstanding these traits can help with protection and boundary-settingThis first episode in the two-part series provides invaluable insights for anyone seeking to understand psychopathy and its impact on society. Whether you're a professional working with high conflict personalities or simply interested in understanding complex human behavior, Bill and Megan's expert analysis offers practical knowledge and protective strategies. Tune in next week for Part 2, which will explore genetics, causation, and additional dimensions of psychopathy.Links & Other NotesPSYCHOPATHY ARTICLE:Berkeley Voices Psychopathy goes undetected in some people. Why?THE MOVIE BILL BROUGHT UP AS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THIS:Catch Me If You CanBOOKSIt's All Your Fault at Work!It's All Your Fault!Our New World of Adult BulliesARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleThe Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict PeopleSociopaths and Their DeceptionsManipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality Disorder OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:41) - Psychopathy (02:23) - Background for the Conversation (04:11) - Antisocial vs. Psychopath vs. Sociopath (05:48) - Antisocial Personality Disorder (19:13) - Bill's Books (19:44) - Psychopathy and Sociopathy (22:18) - Disinhibition (25:37) - Callousness (29:53) - Boldness (32:08) - Personality Dimensions (35:54) - Wrap Up (36:23) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Psychopathy Part 2 Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Welcome Judge Cohen: A Fresh Perspective on Family CourtJoin Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter as they welcome retired Judge Bruce R. Cohen to the High Conflict Institute team. This episode explores the human side of family court proceedings through Judge Cohen's unique lens, developed over 24 years as a family law attorney and nearly 20 years on the bench in Arizona's Superior Court.Understanding Best Interests and Judicial PerspectiveJudge Cohen shares invaluable insights about the concept of "best interests of the child" and how it's applied in family court. He explains how the legal framework has evolved beyond gender preferences to focus on meeting children's specific needs. Through personal anecdotes, including the transformative "Bonnie story," Judge Cohen illustrates how maintaining presence and recognizing humanity in each case leads to better outcomes.Breaking Down Family Court SuccessThe discussion delves into practical advice for presenting cases effectively in family court. Rather than chronological presentations or attempts to prove who's "right," success comes from focusing on children's needs and each parent's ability to meet them. Bill and Megan explore with Judge Cohen how understanding jurisdictional factors and avoiding assumptions about bias can strengthen case presentations.Questions we answer in this episode:How do judges determine what's truly in a child's best interests?What factors should parents focus on when presenting their case?How has gender bias evolved in family court?What makes a case "high conflict"?How can parents shift focus from being right to getting it right?Key Takeaways:Focus on children's needs and your ability to meet them rather than chronological eventsPresent yourself authentically rather than assuming judicial biasUnderstand your jurisdiction's specific factors for determining best interestsRecognize that credibility increases when acknowledging both strengths and weaknessesSuccess comes from focusing on future solutions rather than past grievancesThis episode offers unique insights from both sides of the bench, providing valuable perspective for anyone navigating family court. Judge Cohen's practical wisdom, combined with Bill and Megan's expertise, creates an essential resource for understanding how to approach family court proceedings effectively.Links & Other NotesJUDGE BRUCE R. COHEN (RET.) Biohttps://highconflictinstitute.com/our-team/BOOKSManaging High Conflict People in CourtThe Future of Family CourtNEWSLETTERSign up for our newsletterCLASSES & CONSULTATIONSNew Ways for Families® online class for parentsConflict Influencer™ online group for parents or anyone1:1 Consultation with Bill Eddy/Megan HunterOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:04) - Welcome Judge Bruce R. Cohen (Ret.) (02:31) - Judge Cohen's Background (07:03) - Connecting (09:30) - The Bonnie Story (14:20) - Time in Court (15:22) - Bill's Time in Court (18:01) - Communicate Simply (28:31) - Best Interest Factors (30:52) - Gender Issues (36:33) - Control What You Can Control (38:09) - Identify Needs of Child (40:24) - High Conflict Cases (44:57) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Answering Listener Questions Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Our guest this time, Bill Eddy, is a family mediator, lawyer and therapist, and the Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He received his bachelor's degree in Psychology, but didn't stop there. As you will read, he went on to learn and work in the therapy space for a number of years, but his longing to deal with some other issues caused him to study law and after receiving his Juris Prudence degree he worked in the law as a mediator. While doing this he also felt it relevant and appropriate to begin working on ways to address conflicts between persons. He realized that conflict often meant that someone was bullying another person.   Bill and I spend much time discussing bullying, where it comes from, how and why people become bullies and how to deal with bullying kinds of behavior. Our discussions are fascinating and I quite believe important for everyone to hear.   Just last month Bill's latest book, “Our New World of Adult Bullies” was released. Bill discusses his book and why we are encountering more bullying behavior today than we have experienced in the past.   Enough from me. I hope you find my conversation with Bill Eddy relevant, useful and, of course, entertaining.       About the Guest:   Bill Eddy is a family mediator, lawyer and therapist, and the Chief Innovation Office of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He has provided training to mediators, lawyers, judges, mental health professionals and others on the subject of managing high-conflict personalities in over 35 states, 9 provinces in Canada, and twelve other countries.   As a lawyer, Mr. Eddy was a Certified Family Law Specialist (CFLS) in California for 15 years, where he represented clients in family court. Prior to that, he provided psychotherapy for 12 years to children and families in psychiatric hospitals and outpatient clinics as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). Throughout his forty-year career he has provided divorce mediation services, including the past 15 years as the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego, California. Mr. Eddy is the author of several books, including: · Mediating High Conflict Disputes · High Conflict People in Legal Disputes · Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder · Calming Upset People with EAR · BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People · BIFF for CoParent Communication · BIFF at Work · BIFF for Lawyers and Law Offices · So, What's Your Proposal: Shifting High Conflict People From Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds · Don't Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce   He has a continuing education course for Mental Health professionals titled “It's All Your Fault!”: Working with High Conflict Personalities. He has a Psychology Today blog about high conflict personality disorders with over 6 million views. He has a podcast titled “It's All Your Fault” which he does weekly with Megan Hunter.   He taught Negotiation and Mediation at the University of San Diego School of Law for six years. He has served on the part-time faculty of the National Judicial College in the United States and has provided several trainings for judges in Canada for the National Judicial Institute. He is currently on the part-time faculty at the Straus Institute of Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University School of Law teaching Psychology of Conflict Communication each year. He teaches once a year on Advanced Communication Skills as Conjoint Associate Professor at Newcastle Law School in Newcastle, Australia.   He is the developer of the New Ways for Families® method for potentially high-conflict families, which is being implemented in several family court systems in the United States and Canada, as well as an online co-parenting course (Parenting Without Conflict by New Ways for Families). He is also the developer of the New Ways for Mediation® method, which emphasizes more structure by the mediator and simple negotiation skills for the parties. He obtained his JD law degree in 1992 from the University of San Diego, a Master of Social Work degree in 1981 from San Diego State University, and a Bachelors degree in Psychology in 1970 from Case Western Reserve University. His website is: www.HighConflictInstitute.com.   Ways to connect with Bill:   www.HighConflictInstitute.com.   About the Host:   Michael Hingson is a New York Times best-selling author, international lecturer, and Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe. Michael, blind since birth, survived the 9/11 attacks with the help of his guide dog Roselle. This story is the subject of his best-selling book, Thunder Dog.   Michael gives over 100 presentations around the world each year speaking to influential groups such as Exxon Mobile, AT&T, Federal Express, Scripps College, Rutgers University, Children's Hospital, and the American Red Cross just to name a few. He is Ambassador for the National Braille Literacy Campaign for the National Federation of the Blind and also serves as Ambassador for the American Humane Association's 2012 Hero Dog Awards.   https://michaelhingson.com https://www.facebook.com/michael.hingson.author.speaker/ https://twitter.com/mhingson https://www.youtube.com/user/mhingson https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhingson/   accessiBe Links https://accessibe.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/accessiBe https://www.linkedin.com/company/accessibe/mycompany/   https://www.facebook.com/accessibe/       Thanks for listening!   Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!   Subscribe to the podcast   If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can subscribe in your favorite podcast app. You can also support our podcast through our tip jar https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/unstoppable-mindset .   Leave us an Apple Podcasts review   Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.       Transcription Notes: Michael Hingson ** 00:00 Access Cast and accessiBe Initiative presents Unstoppable Mindset. The podcast where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Hi, I'm Michael Hingson, Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe and the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, Thunder dog, the story of a blind man, his guide dog and the triumph of trust. Thanks for joining me on my podcast as we explore our own blinding fears of inclusion unacceptance and our resistance to change. We will discover the idea that no matter the situation, or the people we encounter, our own fears, and prejudices often are our strongest barriers to moving forward. The unstoppable mindset podcast is sponsored by accessiBe, that's a c c e s s i capital B e. Visit www.accessibe.com to learn how you can make your website accessible for persons with disabilities. And to help make the internet fully inclusive by the year 2025. Glad you dropped by we're happy to meet you and to have you here with us.   Michael Hingson ** 01:21 And welcome to another episode of unstoppable mindset where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Today, we get to deal mostly with the unexpected, because inclusion is what it is, diversity is what it is, and those we put in the order that we do, because in the typical sense of the word diversity, doesn't intend to include disabilities or any discussion of disabilities. And people say, well, disability means lack of ability when they're talking about any of that anyway. And the reality is that's not true. Disability should not mean a lack of ability. And people say, Well, it does, because it starts with dis Well, what about disciple? Yeah, what about disciple? What about discern? What about, you know, so many other kinds of things. The reality is that everyone has a disability, and we could talk about that, but that's not what we're here to do today. We're here to talk to Bill Eddy, who has written a number of books. He's got a degree in psychology, he's got degrees in law, and I'm not going to go and give all that away, because I'd rather he do it. But we also get to be excited by the fact that he has a new book, and we'll talk about it a bunch. It's called our new world of adult bullies. Um, that's what I say about my cat all the time, because she does run the house and, you know, and we can mention that name, Bill, it's stitch. Now, she's a great kitty, but she she does have her mindset on what she wants, so she's trained us well. Well, welcome to unstoppable mindset. Bill, how are you?   Bill Eddy ** 02:57 I'm good, and thanks so much for having me on. Michael, glad to be with you.   Michael Hingson ** 03:01 Well, we're glad you're here and looking forward to it. Why don't we start, as I love to do so often, why don't you tell us about kind of the early build, growing up, or any of those kinds of things to lead us into where we go?   Bill Eddy ** 03:14 Well, I was one of four kids, and as I mentioned in the introduction of the book in third grade, I had my own personal bully. He decided I was the guy he wanted to pick on and fight. And I think he figured that out because my parents didn't allow us kids to fight, so we weren't allowed to fight back. And you know, my parents said, you know, if takes two to make a fight, so if a fight starting, just walk away. And I said, what if the other person won't let you walk away? So we'll find a way to walk away. So for most of third grade, he harassed me and would catch me after school and hit me and kick me in the the foot of the stairway. We had a basement classroom, and there was a stairway out from there so no one could see and it wasn't easy to get away from but mostly I figured out how to avoid him, and also how to how to help the older kids with their homework, so they'd be more of a protector for me. So that's early childhood, but I think it influenced my my choice as an adult, you know, a psychology major, and then I got a master's in social work to do child and family counseling. Did that 12 years, but I liked resolving conflicts, and decided to go to law school and all of that primarily so I could practice mediation to help people solve conflicts. But many of the conflicts I've dealt with had bullies in them, so I started studying these personalities, and that kind of brings me up to today.   Michael Hingson ** 04:58 Wow. Well, you have certainly written, also a number of books. I was reading your list of books, and you have one on divorce, and clearly there are bullies there, and a lot of places, I'm sure, and you have just a number of books, and I can see where the whole concept of having bullies can be in all of those and at the same time, most of us haven't learned how to deal with bullies. We haven't learned how to address the issue of avoidance, which is what you talked about, but it makes perfect sense. I don't particularly like bullies. I've not been bullied a lot, I think I was a couple of times in grammar school, and a kid hit me a couple of times, and I can only assume that it was sort of a bullish oriented thing, but I don't really recall that anything ever happened other than that. It only happened like once or twice, and then I was left alone. But still, there is so much of it, and there's been bullying to a degree for well, as long as we've had people, I guess, right, and this whole idea of avoiding it is obviously what we need to do, although I guess the other part about it that comes to mind is, how do you get the bully to change their mindset and recognize that that's not the best productive use of their time? Well,   Bill Eddy ** 06:30 what's interesting is childhood bullies mostly do figure that out. And I'd say probably 90% of childhood bullies don't become adult bullies that, you know, somebody punches them in the nose, or nobody wants to be their friend, or they get in trouble at home or at school, and they learn that that doesn't work, but maybe 10% get away with it. Maybe they're encouraged, you know, maybe their parents laugh when they bully other people, and that's that's the ones that become the adult bullies. But what I find, and the Institute I work with, high conflict Institute, we do a lot of training, a lot of coaching, and we we teach people like for workplace coaching to to try to give bullies some conflict resolution skills so that they won't be bullies, so they can solve problems others other ways, and we find maybe half of the bullies can improve their behavior enough to keep the job, and About half quit or are told they need to leave. So I'd say about half of bullies can learn to stop that behavior or rein it in, and about half can't. That's just a real rough estimate from my personal observation.   Michael Hingson ** 07:55 The ones that can't or don't, is it that they get so much satisfaction from bullying and they get away with it that just they just don't see the value of it. Or is it different than that? Well, I   Bill Eddy ** 08:08 think it's not as logical as that. I think it has a lot to do with personality patterns, and the ones that are adult bullies usually have personality patterns that border on personality disorders, especially the Cluster B personality disorders, which are narcissistic, anti social, borderline and histrionic. So it's part of who they are. They're not really even thinking about it. This is just how they operate in the world. And so if they're not stopped, they just automatically do this. If they are stopped or told they're going to lose their job, maybe half of them can rein in their behavior, and maybe the other calf can't, even if they want to, they just can't stop themselves. But mostly it's more or less automatic. Is what I see. They really lack self reflection, and therefore, generally don't change. And one of the definitions of personality disorders is an enduring pattern of behavior, so it's not, not likely to change because they had an insight. Because if they were going to have an insight like that, they would have had it before they became adults.   Michael Hingson ** 09:29 Yeah, and it, and it just doesn't seem to happen. And it is, it is so unfortunate that we even have to talk about this kind of a subject. But it's also very important that we understand it, because I think those of us who aren't bullied or who aren't bullies, still need to understand it's like anything else, still need to understand it in order to learn how to deal with it. I would think,   Bill Eddy ** 09:55 yeah, and I think part of why this. Is coming up now is traditionally in our society. And I know my whole lifetime, adult bullies were pretty much kept on the fringe, and so families said, Hey, you can't do that in our family and communities and schools and and workplaces said that. But what's interesting now is, I'd say, the last 20 years or so, is bullies are getting center stage because all of our media competition, especially the screens we have, are trying to show us the worst behavior so that we'll pay attention to them. So social media, cable 24/7, news, movies, TV shows are all showing bad behavior to grab our attention, but the result of this is that they're teaching bad behavior and tolerating it and giving permission to bullies to act out when they might have kind of restrained themselves in the past.   Michael Hingson ** 11:07 How do we get media, television and so on to change that? I've I've kind of felt that way for a while. I actually took a course in college, um, it was called Why police, which is a fascinating course. It was taught by not a deputy sheriff, but he was a volunteer deputy sheriff in Orange County. He was an engineering professor at UC Irvine, where I went to school, and he and he taught this course, and I made the observation once in class, that a lot of the negativity that we see really comes from what we experience on television. And he said, no, that's just not true, but it certainly is true. Well,   Bill Eddy ** 11:49 especially nowadays, especially nowadays, yeah, yeah. Maybe that wasn't true 30 years ago, but it seems very much true now. Yeah, and you mentioned a study in the beginning of, I think it's chapter two of the book that about it was a workplace study, and if I can quote it, I think this is helpful for this discussion. He says they said there's a 2021, workplace bullying Institute survey. So in the second year of the pandemic, he says 58% of the respondents on the survey agreed that quotes the display of bullying, disrespect and intolerance of the opinions of others by politicians and public figures affected workplaces because they encouraged aggression and granted permission to ignore the rules. And I think it's very direct that the media does impact family life, workplace community and online, for sure.   Michael Hingson ** 13:00 Yeah, yeah, I, I would agree. And, you know, today, and we're not going to talk about specific individuals, but at the same time today, I dare say, there are a number of people who step back and contemplate this whole concept of bullies and so on, who would agree that in the political world there? Well, there are a number, but there's one especially, who tends to be more of a bully. But I would say that there are a number of people in the political world who just want to force their own way, and tend to bully a lot.   Bill Eddy ** 13:34 And I totally agree with you. Even have a chapter on what I call the high emotion media, because it's the emotions, the disrespect, the insulting statements, the personal attacks, you know, I don't like the way you look, or I think you're crazy or you're an idiot, and that kind of message, and If you have that going back and forth between politicians. It's very exciting to watch, but it's not the way you want to live, like you wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that, no, and so. So the media image promotes that because it gets attention. It really grabs attention. And I would I would suggest that it's been over the last 30 years approximately, that politics has become more about entertainment than about government. And the values of entertainment are extreme behavior and disrespect and fighting and chaos and crisis and fear, whereas government is when it's running well is boring, is focused on details, focused on people getting along, having their share of responsibility, all of that kind of stuff. So we've turned the. Values of politics upside down, and we think now that's the way. That's what politics is. And it's unfortunate, because government will unravel if we use the entertainment values to govern the country. Of course,   Michael Hingson ** 15:16 there are a number of people, especially in the media, who would say, but all of this sells, newspapers, all of this sells, and that's why we do it. I I submit that that's not necessarily so. But how do you show people that? Yeah, this sells, but don't you think there are other kinds of things that would sell even more   Bill Eddy ** 15:42 well, it's tricky, but one of my goals in writing the book is to teach people self help skills, to monitor their absorption of high emotion media and to be able to set limits on it. Like I don't like to get more than half an hour of news from a screen. I like reading the papers and reading different points of view. And if you watch more than half an hour and you get this coming in your ears and your eyes and all of that, it just takes over your thinking. And actually, the more repetition there is, the more things feel true that are clearly not true, but the way our brains work, repetition tells us what's really true and what's really important. And TV, even radio, can bombard us with false information that starts to feel true because we get so much of it.   Michael Hingson ** 16:40 Yeah, it's it is someone, yes, I hear you, and it's so unfortunate that more people don't tend to be analytical, reflecting introspective. You know, we talked earlier about the book that I'm writing, live like a guide dog, that will be published in August of this year. And one of the things that I point out in the book, for people who want to start to learn to control fear, rather than letting it, as I say, blind you or overwhelm you, or whatever word you want to use, is you need to become more introspective and look at well, why am I afraid of this? Why am I reacting to this? How do I deal with it? And it doesn't take a lot of time every day to do it, but if you do it for a little bit of time every day, the Mind Muscle develops, and you get beyond a lot of that.   Bill Eddy ** 17:34 I think that's a very important point, as we can train ourselves to what to pay attention to, what to ignore, and we can train our self talk like you're saying. That's excellent,   Michael Hingson ** 17:46 yeah, and I think it's it's all about analyzing ourselves. And something that I learned, and I've talked about it a few times on this podcast, one of the things that I did when I was a program director at the campus radio station at UC Irvine, Zot, K, U, C, I was that I would ask people to listen to their shows. So when I was the program director, we would actually record people talking, and I insisted that they take the cassettes home. Remember cassettes? Boy, is that a long time ago,   Bill Eddy ** 18:19 two, wow, back aways, yeah, even   Michael Hingson ** 18:23 pre eight track, but take the cassettes home. Listen to them, because it's something that I did and and as I grew older and became a public speaker, after September 11, I recorded my talk so that I could listen to them. And I said, I do that because I'm my own worst critic. I'm going to be more hard on me than anyone will. And it took until even after the pandemic started, that I finally learned wrong way to look at it. I'm not my own worst critic. I'm my own best teacher. By analyzing and thinking about it and recognizing that I'm my own best teacher, because no one can really teach me anything. They can present me with the information, but I have to teach myself to learn it. So I realize that, and I'm my own best teacher, and I think that works out really well, and it's a lot more positive anyway,   Bill Eddy ** 19:18 right? Great. And that's that's that promotes lifelong learning. I just reading an article about how a lot of people, you know, after a certain amount of time, they feel okay. I got my career, I've done my skills, and now I'm going to kick back. But Lifetime Learning is where it's at. I think it's exciting. It   Michael Hingson ** 19:39 is. I consider life an adventure. I consider the internet a treasure trove of information. And yeah, there's a dark web and and all that. And now, of course, we have AI, and some people want to be negative about that, but if we use it right, and if we develop our own inner structure and. And recognize the value and how to use it. It is, and all of those are characteristics and features that can do nothing but help us.   Bill Eddy ** 20:10 Yeah, they're tools. I like the idea of tools, not rules, so we'll see what we can do with them. But as long as humans are in charge, I think we may be okay. Well,   Michael Hingson ** 20:25 I hope so. Um, Mark Twain once said, I wonder if God had been a man because he was disappointed in the monkeys. But who knows.   Bill Eddy ** 20:35 He wasn't. He was a brilliant guy. He was   Michael Hingson ** 20:39 one of my two favorite people, Mark Twain and Will Rogers, boy. They were very clever. And analysts, you had it figured out. They did, if only we would listen. Well, why did you write the book?   Bill Eddy ** 20:53 Well, I wrote it. I started writing it. The end of 2020, when the pandemic was going strong, and a lot of people, and we were all kind of holed up at home. I had more time to think, because I couldn't travel and teach and do the work I do. But I also, you know, on TV, there was, you know, the the arguments in bullying, frankly, about masks, about vaccines, about the George Floyd murder, about protests against the George Floyd murder, that that it seemed like the country was kind of in a 5050, state of bullying each other, but it wasn't. The number of bullies is actually quite small, but they're getting a high profile, and I wanted to explain that bullies at all levels have the same patterns of behavior, and few people have eye into the workings of families like I've had as a family therapist, as a family mediator and as a Family Lawyer, and few people have had, you know, awareness of workplace bullying like I have training human resources and employee assistance personnel. Likewise, neighbor disputes, because I'd be consulting on a lot of neighbor disputes, and certainly online disputes. So bullying seemed to be happening in all these different places, but most people didn't realize the extent of it, because people kept it private. And I was like, Well, I can see it's the same patterns. And then, you know, Putin invades Ukraine, and I'm going, this guy is like a domestic violence perpetrator. He has the same lack of self awareness and the same blaming personality and so I included on up to politicians and international relations to show I can tell you what the patterns are to look for. So look out for bullies. Don't let them into your life. Spot them and stop them. And I wanted, I wanted the book to really open people's eyes, so to speak to what's going on in the world today that they really haven't been aware of by and large,   Michael Hingson ** 23:13 right? What makes us, especially as adults, susceptible to being bullied?   Bill Eddy ** 23:23 Well, we're not prepared for them, and that's a lot of what I hope to do with the book is help people be prepared so they don't overreact or under react. But I'd say most people are just kind of shocked. Suddenly there's a bully in the office and they're yelling at somebody, and it's like, oh my goodness, I'm, I'm I'm freezing because, you know, I don't know what to do. They're yelling at somebody else, thank goodness, but I'm scared too, or they're yelling at me, and I freeze because I don't know what to do. So I think what happens is people are just really unprepared. On the other hand, most people are nice people. Let's say 80% of people are nice people. They don't like to interrupt people, even when they're masking saying nasty comments. They don't like to just walk away from a conversation, even if the conversation is really hurtful and abusive, and so people aren't used to being assertive against a bully, because they're used to everybody being reasonable, and so that's why they catch us by surprise and And we're not ready for them.   Michael Hingson ** 24:39 I subscribe to a service out here called next door, which is also in San Diego, and it's a way to really keep up with what's going on in the community. And I've seen a number of posts where something happened and people suddenly say. I'm surprised that never happens in this area, and that just isn't true anymore,   Bill Eddy ** 25:08 right, anywhere, anywhere,   Michael Hingson ** 25:13 and it's so unfortunate that we don't learn to look out for all of this. I think, yeah, go   Bill Eddy ** 25:23 ahead. I just gonna say, I think that's that's what has to change, is we do have to be aware, not paranoid about it around every corner, but aware that this is going to come your way. I like to say, I think everyone's going to have a bully in their life sooner rather than later, but if you're prepared and you manage it well, they're not going to get very deep into your life and will probably move on. So I do think that's coming. Sorry. I interrupted. No,   Michael Hingson ** 25:54 no, no, no, no, you did No, you were right. Tell me what are some of the warning signs that you're dealing with a bully?   Bill Eddy ** 26:00 Well, first of all that the person goes beyond the normal social boundaries and keep going like they don't stop themselves. So an unrestrained pattern of behavior. When you start thinking to yourself, Well, I'm sure he'll come to his senses soon, or I'm sure she'll realize how destructive she's being. The problem is the answer that is not necessarily, probably not. Another way that's really quite simple is when a bully starts, when a person starts criticizing your intelligence, your morals, your sanity, your appearance, your existence. When they make it personal is a real sign they've crossed the line, and now you're dealing with a bully. Because bullies make it personal. They want a one down relationship. They want you to they want to dominate you. And so that's one of the easiest ways to recognize, is the way they talk to you, talking down to you like that. And they may say that you're you're being obnoxious and you have a problem. And they might even say, Stop bullying me. Stop bullying me, Bill, and I'm not bullying them. I'm saying they need to stop what they're doing with me, and they'll say, You're the bully. So playing the victim is another way projecting what they're doing onto the other person, like, stop bullying me. Bill, I'm not bullying you. I'm setting limits on your bullying of me. Well, I would never bully you, Bill. And then they keep projecting what they're doing onto me, and they may point to other people around us and say, See how Bill's treating me, you know, and they play the victim. And next thing you know, the whole people around think that I'm being a bad guy, and they get away with it that way because they're really good at projection and good at playing the victim. So these are some of the patterns. How do   Michael Hingson ** 28:10 you deal with that, though? Well, you   Bill Eddy ** 28:14 first of all need to be taken assertive approach, so don't become aggressive and start yelling at them. No, you really are bullying me. You're a real jerk. Instead, you say that's not true. And if other people are around, you say, just, everybody know it's not true. I'm trying to set limits on his behavior towards me, because he's really harassing me. And so explain what's happening. Be assertive, so you stick up for yourself, but don't be aggressive, because now it looks like you are being the bully. And some some people asked me on one of the interviews I had, the guy said, at what point do you punch the bully in the nose? And I said, Well, you're going to have that thought, but don't act on it, because when you do that, now you look like the bully. So you don't want to be aggressive, but you don't want to be passive and let them just pick on you and run you into the ground. You want to say, Hey, that's not okay, or I'm going to end this conversation. So you assert yourself to protect yourself without trying to harm the other person, and that's what assertive is. So I really recommend the assertive approach.   Michael Hingson ** 29:33 And again, it gets back to you have to learn to understand and assess yourself and develop the tools that will allow you to do that   Bill Eddy ** 29:46 exactly and and strengthen yourself where you're not experienced or not skilled, and learn the skills to protect yourself. I think it's you know, all of us. Most of us grew up maintaining ourselves, not being too extreme, and yet sticking up for ourselves and being self managed. But bullies aren't self managed, so we're going to have to manage them for them. And so that's the new age we're in. The new world we're in is we need skills to manage bullies, and we can develop those, and that's part of what I talk about at the end of the book. The last chapter is a lot of skills that people can learn to manage bullies and protect themselves.   Michael Hingson ** 30:38 Well, how did you you've talked about a little bit, but I'd love to to learn a little bit more about how did you really end up deciding that this was a calling that you had to deal with and that you've devoted so much time to? I think it really   Bill Eddy ** 30:54 got started as a as a workplace endeavor when I went from being a therapist to being a lawyer, so I wanted to do mediation and conflict resolution, and went to law school, and when I started practicing law after 12 years as a therapist, including in psychiatric hospitals, I started seeing the same behavior in family court. You know there be mom and dad are fighting over custody of their child, and the judge is listening to their arguments and looking frustrated. And I'm going, Well, the problem here is one of the parents probably has a personality disorder, and so they're not really being that sensitive to the child and and the other parent seems to be pretty reasonable, but you don't know, sometimes people that look reasonable might be like anti social under the surface. And so I started noticing and paying attention to these behavior patterns and how they showed up as high conflict families, and that's the term that the courts were using high conflict families. So I started saying, You shouldn't talk about high conflict families. Should talk about high conflict personalities, because not everybody in the family necessarily has that. Maybe it's Mom, maybe it's dad, like, say, a domestic violence case, dad might have a borderline personality or an anti social personality, and that's driving his violent behavior, and yet he's conning the court by saying, look at her, she's a mess, and everything I'm doing is just fine. I'm the reasonable person here, but they're not behind the scenes, and so there'd be these patterns of behavior, and I said, courts got to figure this stuff out, otherwise you're punishing the victim of a domestic violence perpetrator unfairly and unhelpfully, and you're teaching the child that this behavior is acceptable. So I had all this information that I knew from having been, you know, a therapist, a licensed clinical social worker, and I found myself applying it to family court cases, and wanting to educate other lawyers, judges, mediators and therapists about these dynamics in family court. And that's when I started writing about high conflict personalities and eventually talking more about bullies who are the most high conflict personalities. So that's kind of how that evolved. That was 1993 is when I became I started practicing family law after 12 years as a therapist. And so that's when this stuff really opened my eyes, to wait a minute, people don't realize what they're dealing with, and they're not going to solve this with a child support order. They're going to have to, you know, get somebody some treatment or understand that there's these personalities driving behavior, rather than legal issues   Michael Hingson ** 34:20 you have developed, I think, or have begun creating, something called the new ways for families. Method, Yes, uh huh. Tell me about that. I read that in your bio, and that sounded pretty fascinating, yeah,   Bill Eddy ** 34:35 and I'm pretty proud of it. So we started high conflict Institute in 2008 myself and a colleague, Megan Hunter, and we wanted to educate family law professionals, but we also wanted to help parents in high conflict, divorces and custody disputes. And so I developed a counseling method. A specific to divorcing parents with disputes over their children. And I, I was speaking at a conference of judges, and they said, What kind of counseling order should we make for these high conflict families to get them out of court and settling down, and they said, Well, you can't do the traditional counseling where you say talk about your feelings, because people with high conflict personalities will talk about their feelings forever without changing anything. So you want them to learn new ways of doing things. And so we decided we're going to call the method new ways for families and six counseling sessions focused on learning four big skills, flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior and checking yourself rather than being busy checking everybody else. And so we we got that the judges to start ordering that, and we said, order both parents to learn these skills so you don't picking a bad guy. It's going to help both parents, whoever's you know, maybe it's a domestic violence case, they get domestic violence treatment, but also learn these skills so they can work together. Cases where a child resists being with the other parent because of one parent bad mathing the other parent interfering, what they call alienation, or parental alienation. So all of these could be benefited by this counseling approach. Short term, six individual sessions, three parent child sessions for each parent, and we started seeing cases stay out of court that used to keep coming back. We saw people calming down. The judges really liked that. We created an online class to teach those same skills in 12 sessions. Then we developed coaching, three coaching sessions with the online class to make to give a chance to practice, but keep the cost down, because just three sessions, and so that's that's been evolving since 2009 so for the last 15 years, and we estimate about eight or 9000 parents have gone through learning these skills, some better than others, but enough that the judges think they're worthwhile, and they keep ordering this. But this is it depends on where there's trained counselors or coaches to get the more intensive approach. But the online class is available anywhere worldwide, so judges sometimes just order that from, you know, maybe they're in Utah or something. And there's no counselors that we've trained there yet. They can always order the online class. And I think they actually are, because I spoke in Utah a month ago about this. So that's that's the method, and I feel pretty proud of it. Well,   Michael Hingson ** 38:18 it it's understandable, and I can appreciate why you're why you're excited about doing it, and that it's that it's clearly working. What are some really good examples of how successful the whole method and the whole process has been? You have some good stories about it.   Bill Eddy ** 38:40 Yeah. So one of my favorite examples, it's a case where a 15 year old girl refused to see her father after the divorce, and it seemed like a case where mom had been saying enough negative things, the girl absorbed that and then said, I don't want to see dad, and mom tolerated that, but of course, dad didn't. So took mom to court and told the judge, Mom's doing something to make the girl not come. So rather than deciding that mom's all bad, the judge said, well, then I want to order new ways for families, and that's six individual counseling sessions and three parent child sessions, so judge orders that and each of the parents goes through six counseling sessions with a workbook, so it focuses them on learning particular skills, to manage their emotions, To keep their thinking flexible, to moderate their behavior, like we teach them how to write emails so that they're reasonable instead of escalating conflict. And so they both went through that individual then it's time for the parent child sessions, and since Mom was the favorite parent. Parent, we had the parent child counselor meet with mom and the child first, and Mom taught the girl about flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior and checking yourself, and then prepared the girl with the counselor for the next week when she's going to meet with dad and so who she hasn't seen for a year and says she hates him, but there's no real, clear reason for that, and that's why it might be alienation. It might be the bad mouthing that got absorbed by the girl. So the next week, mom brings the girl to the counseling center, and girl agrees to go in and meets dad and the counselor and sits down, and the girl tells dad that he's a horrible person. He's ruined her life. He's done everything wrong and just this whole list of awfuls. And because he's been through the counseling method, he listens quietly and attentively, and then he says, Thank you. And she says, What do you mean? Thank you. I just said, you're a terrible person. And he says, I said, Thank you. Because I'm glad that we're talking. I think this is good. This is good for us to be talking. Is there more that you want to tell me, and I guess there was some more. And then basically they reconciled and agreed that they would have dinner together once a week. Now it wasn't a 5050, parenting plan like he would have preferred, but, and I don't know where it went from there, but he did have regular dinners with her, and they communicated. So it reconnected their relationship, and so it gave a structure for that to happen in, and that's what new ways for families does not every case where someone a child resists a parent has worked with new ways for families that, you know, one parent has found a way to sabotage it and block it, but by and large, we've had, had some, some good success with moderate cases like that.   Michael Hingson ** 42:16 Yeah, well, one of the questions that comes to mind, as you've talked about, excuse me, high conflict personalities. Is that something that can actually be fixed? Can people get over having to always be in conflict like that? It   Bill Eddy ** 42:36 really depends, I think, a lot, on which of the personalities. So I think I mentioned Cluster B personality disorders, borderline, narcissistic, anti social, histrionic. So borderline personality disorder, people are hearing more about that, where they have wide mood swings, sudden, intense anger, fear of abandonment, all of that. And this used to be thought of as primarily women, but it's now seen as probably about half and half. And men who are physically abusive often have this personality style, and they strike out because they're afraid they're losing their partner, which of course, makes their partner want to leave a little bit more, but that's one of the more treatable personalities. And there's a method called DBT dialectical behavior therapy, which is having some good success at treating people with borderline personality disorder. So there's that at the other extreme is anti social personality disorder, which is the hardest one to treat, and I don't know of a consistently successful method that treats and that's like maybe 40% of prisoners have that personality, they get out of prison and they commit another crime, been back back in prison, they have a pattern of behavior, which is what a personality disorder is, is it's a stuck pattern of behavior, just enduring and repeating and all of that. So I would say people with that personality is extremely unlikely they're going to change. But people with borderline, there is hope for and many people outgrow the diagnosis after going through DBT. So that's the most hopeful and the least hopeful range. Narcissists and histrionics are somewhere in the middle of that? Yeah,   Michael Hingson ** 44:44 well, something that comes to mind, I kind of think I know the answer, but it's still a question worth asking. Colleges and universities are made up of lots of people who are studying supposed to be pretty intelligent and so on, but we have bullies there. Why? You.   Bill Eddy ** 44:59 I think because we have them everywhere. So if, say 10% five to 10% of people are bullies, I think you're going to see them in colleges. Has nothing to do with intelligence. They may be brilliant bullies and very not smart bullies. So the whole range of severity exists. I think that college and other organizations like so, higher education, health care, churches, synagogues, mosques, that these are welcoming communities. These are helping communities. And so bullies get away with more in these kinds of communities because everybody's trying to be nice and bending over backwards to give them another chance. And so not to say they shouldn't get another chance, but they shouldn't get another chance and another chance and another chance and another chance. That's the thing I preach against. You give somebody a chance. If it the same problem comes up twice, what is it? Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. I got to do something if it's happening again, because that means it's a pattern, and especially if there was consequences for the first time and they still did it again, that's a sign this may be behavior that's going to be resistant to change   Michael Hingson ** 46:37 well, and that makes perfect sense. It's kind of where I thought you'd probably go with it, but it does make perfect sense. And there, as you've said, there are bullies everywhere. And the reality is we're, we're going to find that there are just some people who are going to be bullies.   Bill Eddy ** 46:58 I think that's the answer that it's kind of sad to come to that conclusion, but it's also enlightening, because then, you know, you can't just change them. This pattern is so stuck, so persistent, they have to have a different approach. You can't talk them out of it. Yeah,   Michael Hingson ** 47:20 and there's something to be said for love, but at the same time, you need to learn to control you and your situations. And   Bill Eddy ** 47:31 yeah, it's kind of the tough love concept.   Michael Hingson ** 47:37 What do you do if your supervisor is a bully? We talked a little bit about bullies in the office and so on. But what if it's your boss who is the bully?   Bill Eddy ** 47:46 I think that you know, to some extent, if you can be assertive and say, you know, boss, you just gave me three assignments that are all due on Friday, and realistically, I can only get one of them done. Which one is the priority that you kind of assert yourself without trying to dominate your boss or alienate your boss. So you say something like, you know, can you give me some guidance here with these three projects, I can only get one done. Maybe someone else could help with another. So speaking up, presenting options, and say, you know that's one possibility. Another is you could give me overtime, and I'm willing to stay late if there's overtime. What? Whatever you may be able to speak up to some extent. But what we get a lot of our consultations are people that it's way beyond that the boss is just really out to get them, maybe trying to push them out of the team. And so we talk about who else you can go to, and it may be HR, it may be another department head. One of the things I say is make sure you start talking to somebody, maybe a friend, family member, so you're not just stewing in the fact that you're being bullied because people's self esteem just really goes down if they don't feel safe to talk to anybody. You talk to somebody and they say, oh, yeah, that happened to me once. That's terrible. You know, you shouldn't have to go through that. Let's talk about what you can do well that helps people feel a whole lot better, that there isn't something about them that makes them be the target of a bully. A lot of people think, you know, what did I do to cause this? And you didn't do anything. Bullies pick on everybody, but they keep picking on the people that let them,   Michael Hingson ** 49:52 and that's the real key, isn't it? It's all about you let them do it. You don't find ways to deal with. The issue, and the result is they're going to continue to do it, because they can   Bill Eddy ** 50:04 Right exactly. And people get depressed. They get stomach aches, headaches, they can't sleep, they avoid coming into work, they get disciplined, they get in trouble themselves. And that's a lot of why I wrote the book to help people know, you know, no one deserves to be bullied. This is wrong. This shouldn't be happening to you. Now look at what your choices are, what your options are.   Michael Hingson ** 50:32 We have an ever increasing number of startup companies in in the world, and more entrepreneurs or starting their own companies and so on. And so why is it that a lot of startups have a high powered innovator, or someone at the top like that, who is a bully?   Bill Eddy ** 50:54 It seems to be that the personality of entrepreneurs that go getter startup includes a lot of the ingredients of personalities, of bullies. So first of all, believing that your ideas are superior, that no matter what other people think you should keep going, that you're smarter than all of them. Don't stop because the first two people said this was a dumb idea, and so they kind of have some insulation against that, that they're willing to persist, you know, I know this is a good idea, but they can also be aggressive. So they're out there approaching, you know, venture capitalists and and people to endorse them, people to do what they say, people to give them a lot of money so they have. They're skilled at presenting their ideas aggressively and probably an exaggerated belief in themselves. But that seems to work in the startup business, people are persuaded by charm and intelligence and go, Oh, this guy just seems really brilliant. Well, that's because he told you he's brilliant. He's actually a bully. And there are stories like that, like what we saw, and I talk about it in my book with Theranos, the blood draw sis and it really wasn't what it was made out to be. It was a brilliant idea, but they couldn't implement it, but they pretended that they could, and so they got lots of money, lots of respect, write ups in the big magazines. Elizabeth Holmes was seen as the next Steve Jobs. She lowered her voice. She was a con artist. She may have believed in her product, but she was willing to bend so many rules that she ended up going to prison. But entrepreneurs have that drive and that persuasion and persistence and aggressiveness, and that works with getting a startup going, but it often doesn't work with maintaining a company and an organization. And I spoke to investors for startups, mostly healthcare startups and and they said, we've got a lot of bullies here. What? What do we do? We gave them some tools and tips for how to manage, you know, soothe their ego by setting limits on them and and to spot them sooner and decide, can should we invest with this person, or are they over the top? So it's a it's a particular field where having having an almost bully personality is successful, but having a bully personality eventually blows up. So   Michael Hingson ** 53:57 since you mentioned him, just out of curiosity was Steve Jobs a bully.   Bill Eddy ** 54:01 I think he was, and I think he was successful because of his management team, because they did, in fact, learn how to set limits on him and rein in his worst behaviors. Because, like, There's one story, and I think I have it in the book, where he was going to fire a division of 200 people because the project wasn't coming along fast enough. And so he's like, I'm going to fire them. They're useless, they're idiots, they're terrible. And someone on the management team says, Hey, Steve, let's go for a walk. Let's go for a walk, because he liked to go for walks and talks. So they go for a walk, and an hour later, they come back, and he's not going to fire anybody. He's just going to give them some more specific instructions. And so he. His worst behaviors were restrained by his management team. And I think that's that's a work but at any given time, things were on the verge of blowing up. And he did get fired as the head of Apple right 1990s but they helped him enough, he was reigned in enough that he was successful in the 2000s hugely, six. I mean, I don't know if they're the biggest value company right now, but I think when he died, they were probably the most valuable company. So, yeah, this can happen. But the key is that he was restrained by his management team, and unrestrained bully is going to cause   Michael Hingson ** 55:49 damage. I wonder though, if, as he matured, if he did, I'm assuming that he did actually, if some of the bullying tendencies really did go away, and then he changed a little bit at least, of of how he functioned. I mean, clearly he was a strong personality, right? And clearly he was the innovator of so many products. And so I can see where personality might get in the way, because he wants it done now. He wants it done this way. But I wonder if over time, he became a little bit less of of a bully, and maybe it was just the management restraint, or maybe that was a part of it, but it's I think you're right. Probably was a little bit better as time went on. I think you're   Bill Eddy ** 56:38 right, because when he came back to Apple after he was fired and tried some other projects, I think that he learned to focus more and to be a little less disrespectful. And I remember I read his biography, I think of Walter Isaacson, and my conclusion was that he was definitely narcissistic, but I don't think he had a narcissistic personality disorder, which is an enduring pattern of self defeating behavior. I think he had traits and that he learned to manage those traits primarily because his management team, people around him taught him he needs to restrain those so he's an example of where you can have someone with a bullying personality and rein them in and have them be quite successful. So I think that's what happened there,   Michael Hingson ** 57:39 and he would see that, in fact, it worked to change how you're operating a little bit. And maybe it was, maybe it was always underneath. But at the same time, he learned that, hey, working the way I've been isn't really as effective as what I'm seeing happen when I operate this way. Yeah,   Bill Eddy ** 58:01 what's interesting about him is he was particularly collaborative. So he liked working with other people. He liked he liked people with pushback, people that would disagree, present another point of view. So they could, they could go back and forth, although if other people had a really brilliant idea, he started thinking it was his idea. Yeah, but he he really had had an ability to work with other people that a lot of bullies don't have. And I think that may be why you're quite right, that he did mature some he did restrain himself a little more and became able to be brilliant. Imagine how many other brilliant people might really contribute if they had that balance of a really good management team to rein them in, but some of our most narcissistic individuals don't pay attention and often ruin, ruin their own creations. I think of like Enron, as our company that was brilliant, but probably had two people with personality disorders on top, one anti social and one narcissistic, and they reinforced each other's bad traits. And I think that's why that went off the rails. Yeah,   Michael Hingson ** 59:29 well, and the, the other thing that comes to mind is, then you have another very successful person, Bill Gates, yeah, and I don't, I don't know. Do you think that he was a bully?   Bill Eddy ** 59:43 I think that he certainly engaged in bullying behavior when he was the head of Microsoft. And I remember hearing about, I don't know if it was a recording or a transcript in a book, but he was at a meeting, and he was just very distant. Painful to the thinking of other people in the meeting, like, like, almost ready to, like, drive them out of the room. And you know, what are you doing here? You're an idiot and stuff like that. And I must say, I read Paul Allen's book, which was idea, man, I think, is what it was called, and and he, he had enough examples in there that I think Bill Gates was also a bully. But I think that again, there was enough of a management team to keep him from destroying what he was building. And I must say, one of his most brilliant decisions was marrying Melinda French, and she turned him into a philanthropist. And he's donated, you know, billions of dollars, but he's also created things to help poor people. He's He's fought malaria, I think, and trying to get toilets where you don't have electricity, but you can have self managed toilets. And he's in, he's put energy into these projects. So I would say, somehow the edge, the bullying edge, was taken off, so he actually could work with other people and and have some empathy for them. So again, he might be someone who didn't have a personality disorder, but may have had some traits, but somehow the balance worked out, and the more people realize that you may have brilliant people around you, if you can rein them in enough, we may have a better society because of some of these difficult people.   Michael Hingson ** 1:01:53 Well, clearly, Bill Gates had a very strong personality and and that's fine, but I do agree, I don't think that he really was a bully as such, in the way that we view it, for a lot of people as we've been discussing it, it doesn't mean that he didn't ever have any bullying kinds of behavior, but overall, he was successful, and is successful. And as you said, marrying Melinda has certainly made a significant difference in his outlook, and he's doing such great work, and you can't argue with that.   Bill Eddy ** 1:02:28 Yeah, and the fact that he's now divorced from Belinda, and I think that might have been more her idea than his, he still seems to be continuing on with his uh, philanthropy and doing works to help health health care, especially for people in really poor countries. So I think, and she changed his personality maybe a teeny little bit, and   Michael Hingson ** 1:02:54 climate change and climate   Bill Eddy ** 1:02:56 change for sure. Yeah, he's a big picture guy. He's one of our most deepest thinkers in the big picture, and we need people like that. So my goal isn't to eliminate bullies, it's to restrain them enough so they don't harm other people, but ideally, contribute to society   Michael Hingson ** 1:03:19 and they can. And it's a process. Well, this has been fun. I want to thank you for being here and talking about all this is, How do other people deal with it when they see somebody being bullied?   Bill Eddy ** 1:03:34 Well, bystanders need to speak up more and be assertive as well, and that's part of the cover of my book. Is a bully fish chasing a little fish who's about to grab and eat but gets distracted by a whole school of little fish chasing behind him who look bigger than him. And that's the bystanders. And bystanders need to speak up and say, hey, that's enough, Joe, or hey, that's enough, Jane. Or cut it out. Leave her alone. That when people do that, bullies often stop because they think they're getting away with something, or they're not even thinking they're just automatically bullying somebody. And when that happens, they realize, uh oh, my public may not be happy with me, and I don't want to alienate my public so you can have an influence as a bystander, and are encouraged to be assertive and not intimidated. And the more bystanders support each other, that much easier it is to stop bullies.   Michael Hingson ** 1:04:43 Good advice and so cool. Well, again, I want to thank you for being here. This has been great. I hope all of you listening out there have found a lot of good tools that you can take away and use. Lot of good life lessons here by any standard you. I really so I really appreciate you taking the time to be with Bill and me today on unstoppable mindset. Love to get your thoughts, so please feel free to email me. Michael h i at accessibe, A, C, C, E, S, S, I, B, e.com, or go to our podcast page, www, dot Michael hingson.com/podcast, and Michael Hinkson is spelled M, I, C, H, A, E, L, H, I N, G, s, O, N, Michael hingson.com/podcast, and wherever you are, give us a five star rating. We love those ratings on the podcast. We appreciate that, and would greatly value you you doing that. And again, your thoughts and for all of you, including Bill, if you know of anyone else who ought to be a guest on unstoppable mindset, we'd love to hear from you. We don't really tend to discriminate and say, Oh, that's a bad idea just just saying bill, but so we'd love to really hear about more people you think ought to be, whoever you are on the podcast, and we will talk with them and make a plan to go forward with them. So don't ever hesitate to point out someone who you think ought to come on and again. Bill, I want to thank you one last time for being here. This has been a lot of fun, and we appreciate your time today. Well,   Bill Eddy ** 1:06:21 thanks so much, Michael. I've really enjoyed it too. We got into some stuff deeper than I have in some of my other interviews. So we really covered the covered the gamut. And I think, I think people will find that this is a topic that becomes more and more relevant every year. So thanks for getting the word out there   Michael Hingson ** 1:06:41 well, and I hope that people will buy your book and and all that too. Yeah, we have to get the book sales out there, right.   Bill Eddy ** 1:06:49 That's right. Thank you for that.   Michael Hingson ** 1:06:57 You have been listening to the Unstoppable Mindset podcast. Thanks for dropping by. I hope that you'll join us again next week, and in future weeks for upcoming episodes. To subscribe to our podcast and to learn about upcoming episodes, please visit www dot Michael hingson.com slash podcast. Michael Hingson is spelled m i c h a e l h i n g s o n. While you're on the site., please use the form there to recommend people who we ought to interview in upcoming editions of the show. And also, we ask you and urge you to invite your friends to join us in the future. If you know of any one or any organization needing a speaker for an event, please email me at speaker at Michael hingson.com. I appreciate it very much. To learn more about the concept of blinded by fear, please visit www dot Michael hingson.com forward slash blinded by fear and while you're there, feel free to pick up a copy of my free eBook entitled blinded by fear. The unstoppable mindset podcast is provided by access cast an initiative of accessiBe and is sponsored by accessiBe. Please visit www.accessibe.com . AccessiBe is spelled a c c e s s i b e. There you can learn all about how you can make your website inclusive for all persons with disabilities and how you can help make the internet fully inclusive by 2025. Thanks again for Listening. Please come back and visit us again next week.

Navigating High Conflict Relationships: Your Questions AnsweredIn this ask-and-answer episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter from the High Conflict Institute tackle three key listener questions about managing challenging relationships and dealing with high conflict personalities.First Question: "What do you suggest for someone who realizes they have a high conflict personality?" Bill and Megan explore self-awareness as the crucial first step toward positive change, offering practical steps for self-improvement and resources available through the High Conflict Institute.Second Question: From a professional helping a client whose "ex-wife is creating chaos with false allegations." The hosts address this challenging custody situation, offering practical advice for self-represented individuals in family court. Bill shares specific strategies for organizing and presenting evidence effectively.Third Question: Dealing with an adult brother who moved back in with elderly parents, leading to family rifts and restraining orders. Bill and Megan discuss the concept of "negative advocates" and provide strategies for maintaining relationships when family members take sides in conflicts.Questions we answer in this episode:What resources help someone identify and address their own high conflict behaviors?How can someone self-representing handle false allegations in family court?What strategies work when dealing with negative advocates in family conflicts?How can you support an elderly parent struggling with family conflict?What approaches help maintain relationships during family disputes?Key Takeaways:Self-awareness is the first step in addressing high conflict behaviorsFocus on three main patterns when presenting evidence in courtMaintain gentle, friendly communication with family members who've taken sidesProfessional local support is crucial for specific situation guidanceUnderstanding negative advocacy helps navigate family conflictsThis episode provides practical guidance for anyone dealing with high conflict relationships, whether personally experiencing these behaviors or managing them in others. Bill and Megan offer actionable advice while maintaining sensitivity toward complex family dynamics.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderCOURSESNew Ways for Families Course + Coaching for Co-ParentsConflict Influencer Class (for everyone)PROFESSIONAL TRAININGNew Ways for Families TrainingOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - More Listener Questions (02:27) - Question #1: When You Realize It's You (13:44) - Question #2: When They're Making Allegations (19:26) - Question #3: When It Hurts Older Family Members (31:26) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: In the Workplace Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Tackling Listener Questions on High Conflict Personalities in Family LawIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address questions from two listeners about high conflict personalities in family law. They dive into the complexities of parental alienation, domestic violence allegations, and when to stop fighting in court.Listener Question 1: Understanding Parental Alienation and EstrangementThe first listener asks about the confusion surrounding parental alienation. Bill defines key terms: "refuse and resist," parental alienation, and realistic estrangement. He explains the differences between alienation caused by one parent's behavior and estrangement resulting from a parent's own actions, such as domestic violence or child abuse.Listener Question 2: When to Stop Fighting in CourtThe second listener, from Australia, asks when to give up the fight with a high conflict ex-partner who continues to violate court orders. Bill and Megan address the issue of "legal abuse" and the limitations of the court system in handling these situations effectively.Questions We Answer in This Episode:What is the difference between parental alienation and realistic estrangement?How common are false allegations of abuse in family court?When should you stop fighting in court with a high conflict ex-partner?Key Takeaways:Consider all possibilities in each case without presumptions.Parental alienation and domestic violence both exist and require careful assessment.Fighting in court for more than two years may be counterproductive.Obtain transcripts of court hearings to address false statements or bad decisions.This episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating high conflict personalities in family law. Bill and Megan offer a balanced perspective, emphasizing the need for an open mind and case-by-case analysis.Links & Other NotesBOOKSDon't Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict DivorceThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideCOURSESNew Ways for Families Course + Coaching for Co-ParentsConflict Influencer ClassOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - Listener Questions (01:18) - Question 1: Parental Alienation (22:50) - Question 2: When to Give In (31:33) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

Navigating Narcissistic High Conflict PersonalitiesIn this revealing episode of "It's All Your Fault," part of the Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy explore the world of narcissistic high conflict personalities. They delve into the key traits of narcissists, the distinction between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists, and the potential connection between narcissistic personalities and domestic violence.Recognizing Narcissistic High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan outline the defining characteristics of narcissistic high conflict personalities, such as their incessant need to feel superior, their sense of entitlement, and their lack of empathy. They explain how these individuals often exploit and mistreat others to preserve their grandiose self-image and how they respond when confronted with perceived challenges to their superiority.The Two Faces of Narcissism: Grandiose vs. VulnerableNot all narcissists are alike. Bill and Megan explore the contrasts between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists. Grandiose narcissists tend to be more calculated and predatory in their actions, while vulnerable narcissists are generally more reactive and emotionally unstable. Grasping these nuances can be essential in recognizing and handling high conflict personalities.Narcissism in Various ContextsNarcissistic personalities can be encountered in various aspects of life, but some fields and occupations appear to draw them more than others. Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of narcissists in healthcare, higher education, and the tech industry, and how these individuals can foster toxic work environments and strained relationships.Questions we answer in this episode:What defines narcissistic high conflict personalities?How do grandiose and vulnerable narcissists differ in their conduct?Which fields and occupations are more likely to attract narcissistic personalities?Is there a link between narcissism and domestic violence?How can you identify and cope with a narcissistic high conflict personality?Key Takeaways:Narcissistic high conflict personalities constantly strive to feel superior and entitled.They often lack empathy and manipulate others to uphold their inflated self-image.Grandiose narcissists are more calculated, while vulnerable narcissists are more reactive.Some fields, like healthcare and higher education, may attract more narcissists.Recognizing the differences between narcissistic personalities can aid in identifying and managing them.This episode offers valuable insights into the intricate realm of narcissistic high conflict personalities. Whether you're navigating a relationship with a narcissist in your personal life or at work, Bill and Megan's expertise and practical guidance can help you manage these challenging interactions and safeguard your well-being.Links & Other NotesCOURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsHandling Family Law Cases Involving Narcissistic High Conflict PeopleBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Narcissists As LeadersLiving with High Conflict People Series: Do's and Don'ts for Living with a Narcissist High Conflict PersonNarcissists as Leaders: Good or Bad for Your Organization?DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELPNational Domestic Violence Hotline800.799.SAFE (7233) USAServices AustraliaFamily Violence Resources CanadaOTHER COUNTRIES: do an online search for “domestic violence in ___ (your country or city's name)”OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 6 (01:18) - Narcissistic HCPs (02:48) - Social Impairment and/or Internal Distress (04:55) - See Themselves as Superior (12:02) - Feeling Entitled to Special Treatment (13:16) - Lacking Empathy (21:12) - Stats (24:06) - The Two Types (27:17) - Lying (29:41) - Apologizing (33:01) - Domestic Violence (35:10) - Stalking (36:00) - Letting Go of Relationships (40:11) - Signs If It's Your Partner (44:10) - Steps to Take (46:29) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A Special Guest Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Megan Answers Your Questions About High Conflict PersonalitiesIn this special "Asked and Answered" episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter flies solo to address listener questions about dealing with high conflict personalities. She shares expert insights to help listeners navigate challenging relationships, from understanding and overcoming high conflict behaviors to minimizing damage in high conflict co-parenting situations. She also advises on navigating borderline personality disorder in relationships and the challenges of blending families and building bonds.Questions we answer in this episode:How can I change my high conflict behaviors?What should I do to minimize damage to my child when co-parenting with a high conflict person?How do I inform someone they have borderline personality disorder?How can I navigate the challenges of blending families and building bonds?Key Takeaways:Self-awareness is crucial in recognizing and changing high conflict behaviors.Seek professional help, such as therapy or coaching, to work on emotion regulation and flexible thinking.Avoid informing someone they have a personality disorder, as this can escalate conflict.Focus on self-improvement and role modeling healthy behaviors for children.Building trust and bonds in blended families takes time and patience.This episode offers invaluable insights and practical advice for anyone struggling with high conflict personalities in their lives. Megan's expert perspective and compassionate approach provide listeners with the tools and resources they need to navigate challenging relationships and work towards positive change.Links & Other NotesCOURSES FOR HELPING FAMILIES IN HIGH-CONFLICT SITUATIONSFor co-parenting: New Ways for Families®(online self-paced class or take with a coach)For families who want to stay together: New Ways for Families®—TogetherBOOKSThe Big Book on Borderline Personality Disorder(also available on Amazon or wherever books are sold)The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner (also available on Amazon or wherever books are sold)ORGANIZATIONS WHO HELPNEA-BPDHope for BPDEmotions MatterDialectical Behavior Therapy Therapist ListingStepfamily SolutionsCheck out Huberman Lab podcast! Bill's guest appearance goes live October 28thOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Asked and Answered (02:42) - Question #1 (10:00) - Question #2 (18:02) - Question #3 (23:07) - Question #4 (28:21) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Co-Parenting By Design Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

With special guest: Megan Hunter… in conversation with Bill Kable Megan Hunter is the co-author with Andrea Larochelle of the book The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide with the sub-title Reclaim Your Life One Week at a Time. Perhaps this book would not be necessary if everyone followed the recommendations contained in Megan’s earlier book Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to “The One” Who Will Make Your Life Hell. However as Megan writes in Week 1 you cannot unconsciously or consciously rewrite history in an attempt to save yourself (and your kids) from the present circumstance. It is what it is. If you have to deal with a high-conflict co-parent then best to find out what Megan has to say based on her expertise in this area and many years of experience. When a marriage breaks up it is not just the Courts that the parent has to worry about. All of a sudden you cannot have an expectation of seeing your children if the other parent becomes high conflict. You may not even be sure of having a roof over your head. Bad things come in threes so you might also find yourself looking for a job at the same time as Child Support start making unreasonable claims because they deem you are choosing not to be looking after your children. You might for the first time suspect that what the high conflict co-parent is saying about your sanity is right. Yet your aim may be as simple as wanting to feel the way you did before the breakup. This is when Megan’s advice to reclaim your life comes into play. This book is a roadmap. One day at a time you get to build on a secure foundation for your very different future life. Podcast (mp3)

The Intersection of High Conflict Personalities and Domestic ViolenceIn this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the complex relationship between high conflict personalities and domestic violence. They explore how individuals who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) may contribute to intimate partner violence (IPV), while emphasizing the importance of distinguishing between high conflict families and domestic violence cases.Bill and Megan discuss the challenges faced by professionals in identifying the true perpetrator in a domestic violence situation, as well as the underlying fears and motivations that may drive abusive behavior in individuals with these personality types. They also address the issue of accountability and the potential benefits of group therapy for individuals who have BPD.Questions we answer in this episode:How do high conflict personalities relate to domestic violence?What role do individuals who have BPD and ASPD play in intimate partner violence?What are effective interventions for perpetrators of domestic violence?Key Takeaways:Distinguishing between high conflict families and domestic violence cases is crucial.Individuals who have BPD and ASPD have a higher incidence of IPV perpetration.Setting limits and imposing consequences are essential for holding perpetrators accountable.This episode offers valuable insights into the complexities of domestic violence and high conflict personalities, making it a must-listen for anyone navigating these challenges.Links & Other NotesBOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderOur New World of Adult BulliesDating RadarCalming Upset People with EARHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesCOURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Domestic Violence and Personality Disorders: What's the Connection?Living with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleDifferences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family LawWhy I Wrote SplittingUnderstanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law CasesOUR WEBSITEhttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/QUESTIONSSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 4 (01:26) - Domestic Violence and HCPs (03:49) - Bill's Background (06:48) - Stats (09:23) - Anti-Social (14:38) - Verbally Abusive (16:42) - Accountability (18:53) - Disruptive (20:21) - When Law Enforcement's Involved (23:13) - Borderline Personality (27:17) - More Reactive (28:18) - Remorse (29:41) - Can't Control Themselves (31:06) - Generalizations (31:38) - When in One of These Relationships (36:09) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Law Enforcement Guest Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

The Love You Hate You Types - High Conflict Borderline PersonalitiesIn this episode of "It's All Your Fault," Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the world of high conflict borderline personality types, also known as the "Love You Hate You" types. They provide insights and strategies for dealing with these challenging individuals who can quickly turn from charming to rage-filled.Understanding the High Conflict Borderline PersonalityBill and Megan discuss the defining characteristics of individuals with high conflict borderline personality, including their struggle with emotional regulation and tendency to see people in all-or-nothing terms. They note that while not all individuals with borderline personality disorder have a high conflict personality, more than half of them do, making it a significant concern in interpersonal relationships.Navigating Relationships and Key TakeawaysThe hosts provide examples of how high conflict borderline personalities may behave in various settings and discuss the concept of "splitting" and the propensity for lying and seeking revenge. They offer key takeaways, such as setting boundaries and the possibility of treatment and recovery for those affected.Questions we answer in this episode:What are the defining characteristics of high conflict borderline personalities?How prevalent is borderline personality disorder, and what percentage also have a high conflict personality?Why do high conflict borderline personalities often engage in lying and seeking revenge?Key Takeaways:High conflict borderline personalities often struggle with emotional regulation and see people in all-or-nothing terms.Lying and seeking revenge are common behaviors stemming from a fear of abandonment.Treatment and recovery are possible for individuals with high conflict borderline personality disorder.This episode provides valuable information and insights for anyone dealing with a high conflict borderline personality in their life, offering strategies for managing these challenging relationships and maintaining well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderCalming Upset People with EARDating RadarHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesCOURSESStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceConflict Influencer™ ClassARTICLESDifferences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family LawLiving with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with a Borderline High Conflict PersonWhy I Wrote SplittingUnderstanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law Cases7 Tips for Working with Clients with Borderline Personality DisorderLiving on the Edge: Borderline High Conflict PeopleCan High-Conflict People Change?OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 3 (01:10) - Borderline Personality (07:39) - What does the term mean? (08:50) - Looking for Connection (10:42) - Statistics (14:03) - High Sensitivity (16:26) - Splitting (18:22) - Lying (22:01) - Apologizing (24:47) - Why Vindictive? (28:46) - Finding Success (32:51) - Empathy (35:08) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Domestic Violence Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Introducing the 5 Types of High Conflict Personalities: Who Can Ruin Your Life? (Part 1)In this thought-provoking first episode of a new series on It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, embark on an exploration of the five types of high conflict personalities who can wreak havoc in your life. Drawing from Bill's book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life," they provide a broad overview of these challenging personalities, setting the stage for a deeper dive into each type in upcoming episodes.Understanding High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan illuminate the perplexing nature of high conflict personalities, emphasizing that these individuals often lack self-awareness and may not even realize the impact of their behavior on others. They stress the importance of recognizing patterns of behavior rather than focusing on isolated incidents, as high conflict personalities tend to exhibit consistent patterns of blame-shifting, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.Navigating Relationships with High Conflict IndividualsThroughout the episode, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for navigating relationships with high conflict personalities. They caution against common pitfalls, such as attempting to provide insight into the person's behavior or engaging in emotional arguments. Instead, they recommend focusing on the present, offering choices, and using the CARS method (Connect, Analyze, Respond, Set Limits) to de-escalate conflicts and maintain healthy boundaries.Questions we answer in this episode:Who are the five types of high conflict personalities that can ruin your life?What are the defining characteristics of a high conflict personality?How can I recognize patterns of high conflict behavior?What are the common mistakes to avoid when dealing with high conflict individuals?What can I expect from the upcoming episodes in this series?Key Takeaways:The five types of high conflict personalities can have a profound negative impact on your life if left unchecked.High conflict personalities often lack self-awareness and may not realize the impact of their behavior on others.Recognizing patterns of behavior is crucial when dealing with high conflict individuals.Avoid trying to provide insight, engaging in emotional arguments, focusing on the past, or labeling the person.Stay tuned for upcoming episodes that will explore each of the five types in greater depth, providing targeted strategies for managing these specific personalities.Whether you're dealing with a high conflict partner, family member, coworker, or friend, this episode sets the foundation for understanding and managing these challenging relationships. By introducing the five types of high conflict personalities and providing a broad overview of strategies for dealing with them, Bill and Megan offer listeners a roadmap for the upcoming series, which promises to deliver invaluable insights and tools for navigating life's most difficult interpersonal dynamics.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLESWho Are High-Conflict People?The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeFive Types of High-Conflict Personalities And their targets of blame—and sometimes violence.Anybody You Know? Predictable Characteristics of High Conflict PeopleCOURSESCourses for professional trainingCourses for individualsConflict Influencer Class (live virtual)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (01:14) - Creating Awareness (05:54) - Starting to See It Differently (12:09) - Key Characteristics (21:29) - Options (22:34) - Four Forget-About-Its (25:57) - Four Things to Do (28:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Narcissistic High Conflict People Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

This week on the pod, SAM READS A BOOK! That's right! As an extension to our standard review formula, we've elected to read the original novel in which this week's subject is based, and reflect on how the film adaptation adheres to the text. That film is The End We Start From, adapted from Megan Hunter's 2017 minimalist, dystopian survival novel of the same name.Check us out on...Twitter @TSMoviePodFacebook: Time SensitiveInstagram: @timesensitivepodcastGrab some Merch at TeePublicBig Heads Media 

Megan Hunter is a passionate advocate from Mercy for Animals, who in this episode, shares their remarkable transition from physical therapy and emergency dispatching to championing animal welfare and sustainable agriculture. Megan recounts how early experiences with animal rescue and an interest in preventative medicine fueled their drive to reduce suffering and promote systemic change. Influenced by leading figures, they now serve as the Transformation Midwest Coordinator, working to create a more just and sustainable food system. Throughout our discussion, we spotlight the transformative efforts empowering farmers stuck in the contract farming system. We explore the practical challenges they face and the innovative solutions being offered. Listen to inspiring stories of farmers who have shifted from factory farming to sustainable practices like greenhouse farming and specialty mushroom cultivation. These transitions not only help farmers regain control over their livelihoods but also enable them to make positive contributions to their communities and the environment. This point comes up A LOT when you bring up veganism and Megan does a great job of explaining it all. We also delve into the broader implications of supporting farmers and transforming our food system. Explore how systemic issues prioritize profit over well-being and the role of community connections through farmers' markets and CSAs in fostering a more equitable food landscape. We discuss the critical support provided by the Transformation Project, which offers technical and financial assistance to farmers, encouraging innovation and solidarity. It's seriously such a cool program! Finally, we address the environmental and social injustices of factory farming and highlight the benefits of a predominantly plant-based diet for both human health and sustainability. Tune in to understand the importance of aligning personal practices with broader environmental goals and fostering community-driven change. Guest Bio: Megan Hunter is the Midwest coordinator for Transfarmation. Born and raised in the Midwest, Megan has a background in telecommunications and worked as a 911 emergency dispatcher in rural Indiana for over six years. She lives in Ossian, Indiana, with her family and two cats. As a previous first responder, she values approaching obstacles with compassion and a problem-solving mindset. Megan enjoys connecting people with diverse backgrounds to resources that fit their needs. She is involved with onboarding new Transfarmation farmers, developing resources to support existing ones, and providing R&I grant and administrative support. Thanks for listening to another episode. Follow, review, and share to help Consciously Clueless grow! Connect with me: https://www.consciouslycarly.com/ Join the Consciously Clueless community on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/consciouslycarly Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/consciously.carly/ Connect on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/consciously.carly.blog Music by Matthew Baxley

In this solo episode, Megan Hunter dives into the world of high conflict personalities. With co-host Bill Eddy away, Megan takes the opportunity to answer listener questions and provide valuable insights on identifying and dealing with individuals who exhibit high conflict behaviors. Throughout the episode, she offers practical strategies for managing these challenging interactions and maintaining your own well-being.Understanding the Five Types of High Conflict PersonalitiesMegan begins by explaining the five high conflict personality types: those who fear feeling inferior, abandoned, ignored, dominated, and paranoid. She emphasizes that while each type has unique traits, they all share a common pattern of behavior driven by fear. By understanding these underlying fears, listeners can develop more effective approaches to communicating and setting boundaries with high conflict individuals.Navigating Family Dynamics with High Conflict PersonalitiesOne listener asks for guidance on dealing with a high conflict family member who acts as an "emotional bully." Megan advises using the EAR (Empathy, Attention, Respect) method to connect with the individual and help them regulate their emotions. However, she also stresses the importance of setting clear limits and imposing consequences when necessary to avoid being manipulated or bullied.Strategies for Professional SettingsAnother listener, who works in public relations for a municipality, seeks advice on interacting with a high conflict council member. Megan recommends implementing a respectful meeting policy and using the CARS (Connecting, Analyzing options, Responding to misinformation, Setting limits) method. By employing these strategies consistently, staff and department heads can maintain a productive work environment while minimizing the impact of disruptive behavior.Coping with a High Conflict Adult ChildA listener shares their experience with a mid-30s daughter who exhibits high conflict behaviors consistent with borderline personality disorder. While Megan acknowledges the complexity and emotional challenges of such a situation, she offers hope by suggesting strategies to maintain a loving relationship while setting necessary boundaries. This includes focusing on one's own well-being, seeking support from professionals and support groups, and consistently applying the communication techniques discussed throughout the episode.Questions we answer in this episode:What are the five types of high conflict personalities and how do they differ?How can I foster a connection with a high conflict individual without enabling their behavior?What strategies can I use to set boundaries with a high conflict family member?How should staff and department heads interact with a high conflict council member in a professional setting?Key Takeaways:High conflict personalities are driven by underlying fears that shape their behavior patterns.The EAR method can help establish a connection and regulate emotions in high conflict situations.Setting clear limits and imposing consequences are crucial for preventing manipulation and bullying.The CARS method and respectful meeting policies are effective tools for managing high conflict individuals in professional settings.This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone struggling to navigate relationships with high conflict personalities. By understanding the root causes of their behavior and employing the strategies discussed, listeners can develop healthier, more productive interactions with these individuals. Megan's expertise and practical advice make this an essential listen for anyone seeking to improve their communication skills and maintain their well-being in challenging situations.Links & Other Notes“LIVE” CLASSES/COURSESConflict Influencer - 6-week “live” class taught by Megan Hunter (focuses on learning the simple and necessary high-conflict skills)Bullies SeriesBully Dynamics in Families - 4 classes in SeptemberBully Dynamics in Communities - 4 classes in OctoberBully Dynamics in the Workplace- 4 classes in NovemberBOOKSThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeCalming Upset People with EARARTICLESRespectful Meeting PolicyOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Listener Questions

This is a rebroadcast. This episode originally aired February 1, 2024.Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle an important but tricky topic in this episode - how to set healthy boundaries with others when tensions run high. Whether it's a contentious divorce, difficult coworker, or suspected lies, Bill and Megan provide realistic examples and actionable advice to constructively handle high-conflict situations. Tune in to learn techniques to establish boundaries while remaining calm and keeping conflicts small. This episode delivers takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.They provide tips across three common scenarios:Co-parenting after divorce: Look to standards or common practices as a starting point. Focus on protecting the children and not discussing certain topics in front of them. You can only control your own behavior - walk away if tensions escalate.Workplace conflicts: Practice using the BIF (brief, informative, friendly, firm) method in emails or conversations. Don't engage in unnecessary battles - end conversations if needed.Suspected lies: Always consider three perspectives - it could be true, false, or somewhere in between. Don't react emotionally or you may become a target of blame. Reality test tactfully if needed.Bill and Megan stress practicing these techniques and finding simple but memorable phrases to use when setting boundaries. Their realistic examples and actionable advice provide takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.Links & Other NotesLIVE LAB: 1:1 coaching to learn skills (setting limits, BIFF Responses, CalmB4Think)ARTICLE: 12 Tips for Co-Parent Boundaries ARTICLE: Need to Set Limits With a High Conflict Person? Give ‘Em Your EARARTICLE: 4 Ways to Set Limits at WorkCOURSE: Conflict Influencer™ Certification Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Kicking Off Season Four (01:10) - Setting Limits in High Conflict Situations (02:00) - Co-Parenting (10:00) - The Work World (15:55) - Lying (26:29) - Wrapping Up (27:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Relationship Violence

Dealing with Bully Neighbors: Strategies for Resolving ConflictsIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the world of bully neighbors and explore effective strategies for managing these challenging situations. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California, Bill and Megan share their expertise on navigating high conflict personalities and offer practical advice for listeners dealing with difficult neighbors.Identifying Bullying Behavior in NeighborsBill and Megan discuss common scenarios that can trigger bullying behavior among neighbors, such as disputes over property lines, noise complaints, and pet-related issues. They emphasize the importance of recognizing patterns of bullying and not automatically assuming that a neighbor's actions are intentionally malicious.Resolving Neighbor ConflictsBill and Megan outline a step-by-step approach to resolving conflicts with bully neighbors, starting with a calm, direct conversation to address the issue. If the conversation is unsuccessful or unsafe, they suggest considering mediation through a community mediation center, consulting with a lawyer to understand legal options, and involving law enforcement if the situation escalates or if there are threats to safety. As a last resort, they recommend considering moving to a new location if the conflict remains unresolved and is severely impacting your well-being.Throughout the episode, Bill and Megan emphasize the importance of maintaining a strategic, non-judgmental approach when dealing with bully neighbors. They highlight the role of empathy and the need for clear consequences to curb bullying behavior.Questions we answer in this episode:How can I protect myself and my family from a bully neighbor?Is moving away a viable option when dealing with an unresolved neighbor conflict?Key Takeaways:Set clear limits and consequences for bullying behaviorConsider moving as a last resort for your well-beingThis episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for anyone struggling with a bully neighbor. By understanding the dynamics of high conflict personalities and following the expert advice provided by Bill and Megan, listeners can feel empowered to take steps towards resolving their neighbor conflicts and maintaining a peaceful living environment.*Note: The episode contains a sensitive story involving animal cruelty that may be disturbing to some listeners. While relevant to the topic, it's important to provide a content warning before discussing this particular example.Links & Other NotesBOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics in Families (September - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics at Work (October - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)ARTICLESOver the Fence: High Conflict Neighbor DisputesDealing with High Conflict People (7 Tips)Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - World of Bullies #5: Bullies as Neighbors (01:18) - Bullies as Neighbors (07:49) - Community Mediation Centers (10:15) - Real World Examples (16:40) - Listener Question (24:14) - Bullies Don't Connect the Dots (26:09) - Escalation (29:47) - Wrap Up (30:38) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Work®—Leaders Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Bullies as Leaders in OrganizationsIn this episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the topic of bullies as leaders in organizations. They discuss the ancient personality traits that drive bullies to seek leadership positions, the impact they have on their organizations, and strategies for addressing their behavior.Recognizing and Addressing Bully Behavior in LeadersBill and Megan emphasize the importance of recognizing bully behavior in leaders and taking action to address it. They stress the need for organizations to have clear policies, set limits, and impose consequences for bullying behavior to create a healthy work environment.Questions we answer in this episode:What ancient personality traits do bully leaders possess?How can organizations address bully behavior in leaders?Key Takeaways:Bullies often seek leadership positions due to their desire to dominate and inspire loyalty.Clear policies, setting limits, and imposing consequences are crucial for creating a healthy work environment.Introducing New Ways for Work for LeadersBill and Megan introduce their upcoming training program, New Ways for Work for Leaders, which focuses on helping leaders manage high conflict situations and create a bully-proofed environment.This episode provides valuable insights into the complex issue of bullies as leaders in organizations. Bill and Megan's expertise and practical advice make this episode a must-listen for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in leadership positions.Links & Other NotesCOURSENew Ways for Work® for Leaders: Training in July 2024BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics at Work (October - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Families (September - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)ARTICLESBullies at WorkAddressing the Bully in the Room: High Conflict Personalities in Workplace InvestigationsSetting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsCOACHING CURRICULUMNew Ways for Work®: Coaching Manual (for workplace coaches)New Ways for Work®: Workbook (for coaches)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - World of Bullies #4: Bullies as Leaders (01:09) - Upcoming Bully Seminars (02:22) - Bullies as Leaders (06:55) - Do All Bullies Lie? (09:16) - When People See It Happening But Do Nothing (10:16) - Imposing Consequences (10:51) - When They're at the Top (13:10) - Example (20:32) - New Ways for Work for Leaders (27:39) - Imposing Consequences (30:05) - Wrap Up (30:07) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bullies as Neighbors Learn more about our New Ways for Work®—Leaders Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

In this special replay episode from the Divorce & Beyond Archives, Susan visits with the CEO of the High Conflict Institute, Megan Hunter, to hear her top tips and insights on co-parenting with a Narcissist or other High Conflict Personality!  This is the #3 most listened to episode of all time - for a reason! Divorce is hard under the best of circumstances, but for most people, it will come to an end and their lives will smooth out and they will go forward with their lives and even co-parent peacefully for the most part, but then there are the high conflict cases.  The ones where your ex tries to turn the kids against you, drags you back to court every other week and continues to cause chaos and havoc in your life no matter how long ago the divorce was finalized.  How do you survive that High-Conflict Co-Parenting paradigm and more importantly, how do you help your kids through it all? Megan Hunter, the CEO of The High Conflict Institute with Co-Founder, Bill Eddy, is here to help with her book: The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide!  Megan shares invaluable advice and practical strategies on ways to manage your anger, stress, fear and worry as you continue to have to maintain a co-parenting relationship with a narcissist or other high conflict person.  Listen to this episode and you WILL have HOPE and a game-plan for the future! *** Please Note:  As this is an episode from the archives that originally aired in 2021, some of the information and links mentioned in the episode may no longer be in use.  Please visit the Divorce & Beyond website at https://divorceandbeyondpod.com for more information. ************************************************ More Information About This Week's Special Guest:  Megan Hunter is The High Conflict Institute's co-founder, Chief Executive Officer and Vice President. As an expert on high conflict disputes and complicated relationships, she has facilitated hundreds of seminars across the U.S. and in seven countries. She provides dynamic keynote presentations based on the concept. She has over 13 years of experience as the Family Law Specialist with the Arizona Supreme Court, and Child Support Manager of the Dawes County Attorney's Office in Nebraska. She is the founder and publisher of Unhooked Books and has written five books on high conflict situations and people in dating, in the workplace, in the church, at home.  Contact Megan Hunter: Website  www.highconflictinstitute.com www.unhookedmedia.com Social Media Handles  @highconflictinstitute - Instagram GET THE BOOK!   "The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide" here:  https://amzn.to/39DtwWH ********************************************************************* PODCAST WEBSITE:  https://divorceandbeyondpod.com SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES ARE AVAILABLE!  https://divorcebeyond.com/Sponsorship-Info ******************************************************************* MEET OUR CREATOR AND HOST: SUSAN GUTHRIE®, ESQ., the creator and host of The Divorce and Beyond® Podcast, is nationally recognized as one of the top family law and divorce mediation attorneys in the country.  Susan is the Vice Chair of the American Bar Association Section of Dispute Resolution and is a sought-after keynote speaker, business and practice consultant, coach and trainer. You can find out more about Susan and her services here:  https://neon.page/susanguthrie  Follow Susan Guthrie and THE DIVORCE AND BEYOND PODCAST on social media for updates and inside tips and information: Susan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susaneguthrie/ Susan on Instagram @susanguthrieesq ********************************************************************* We'd really appreciate it if you would give us a 5 Star Rating and tell us what you like about the show in a review - your feedback really matters to us!  You can get in touch with Susan at divorceandbeyondpod@gmail.com.  Don't forget to visit the webpage www.divorceandbeyondpod.com and sign up for the free NEWSLETTER to receive a special welcome video from Susan and more!! ********************************************************************* DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN LEGAL ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ======================================  

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy are joined by special guest Amanda Smith to discuss Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), continuing our Bringing It to Life series. They explore the common experiences of individuals with BPD, such as intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive tendencies.The Power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)Amanda highlights the effectiveness of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) in treating BPD, emphasizing the importance of group therapy in conjunction with individual therapy. She shares success stories of individuals who have made significant progress through court-ordered DBT treatment.Questions we answer in this episode:What are the common experiences of individuals with BPD?How can individuals with BPD work towards recovery?Is court-ordered DBT treatment effective for individuals with BPD?Key Takeaways:BPD is characterized by intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive tendencies.DBT, which combines individual and group therapy, is a highly effective treatment for BPD.Individuals with BPD can make significant progress towards recovery through consistent and dedicated treatment.This episode offers valuable insights into understanding Borderline Personality Disorder, exploring effective treatment options, and discussing the emotional struggles faced by individuals with BPD. Listeners will gain knowledge and strategies for supporting their loved ones on the path to recovery.Links & Other NotesGUESTAmanda Smith, LCSWBOOKSThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderCOURSEOnline Borderline Personality Disorder Family Course [begins May 29, 2024]—led by Amanda SmithCoping with Chronic Suicidal Thinking and Planning: Success Strategies for Providers, Family Members, and Individuals Who Are Suffering [1-hour webinar Saturday, May 18 at 10:00 am Central--$29]ORGANIZATIONSHope for BPDNational Education Alliance for Borderline Personality DisorderMind.org.ukAustralia BPD Foundation Limited (listing of resources across Australia)ARTICLES7 Tips for Working with Clients With Borderline Personality Disorder The New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:39) - Borderline Personality Disorder with Amanda Smith (02:11) - Amanda's Background (03:18) - Diagnoses From Which You Can Work Your Way Free (06:03) - Common Experiences in BPD (10:38) - What Can Be Done? (14:43) - Being Held Accountable (20:58) - Court-Ordered Therapy? (23:08) - When They Don't Change (26:46) - What Are They Feeling? (31:12) - Dissociation (32:53) - Wrap Up (33:11) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part Two With Amanda Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Surviving Academia: Navigating High Conflict Personalities in Higher EducationIn this episode of "It's All Your Fault," the fourth installment of the Bringing It to Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle the unique challenges of dealing with high conflict individuals in academia. Drawing from a listener's question about a bullying boss in a university setting, Bill and Megan explore the dynamics of toxic work environments in higher education and provide strategies for navigating these treacherous waters.The Ivory Tower's Dirty Secret: High Conflict Personalities in AcademiaBill and Megan discuss the prevalence of high conflict personalities in academia, noting that the tolerant and helping nature of the industry can attract and enable difficult individuals. They highlight the specific challenges of dealing with tenured professors who exhibit high conflict behaviors, as well as the emotional toll this takes on colleagues and the institution as a whole.Navigating the Minefield: Strategies for Dealing with High Conflict Colleagues in Higher EducationBill introduces the CARS method – Connect, Analyze options, Respond, and Set limits – as a framework for managing interactions with high conflict individuals in academic settings. He emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, providing useful information without arguing, and imposing consequences when necessary, while acknowledging the limitations of individual action in the face of institutional tolerance.The Delicate Dance of Leaving a Toxic Academic EnvironmentBill and Megan address the challenges of leaving an academic position due to a high conflict colleague, particularly in the context of an exit interview. They discuss the potential risks of speaking openly about the reasons for departure, the judgment calls involved in deciding what to share, and the importance of securing another position before leaving.Questions we answer in this episode:Why do high conflict personalities seem to thrive in academia?How can I manage interactions with a high conflict colleague in a university setting?What are the unique challenges of dealing with tenured professors who exhibit high conflict behaviors?How can I navigate leaving an academic position due to a toxic work environment?Key Takeaways:Academia's tolerant and helping nature can attract and enable high conflict personalitiesThe CARS method provides a framework for managing interactions with difficult colleagues in higher educationIndividual action may be limited in the face of institutional tolerance of high conflict behaviorsCarefully consider the risks and benefits of sharing reasons for leaving in an academic exit interviewSecure another position before leaving an academic job due to a high conflict colleagueThis episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for anyone navigating the complex world of high conflict personalities in academia. By understanding the unique dynamics at play in higher education and employing the techniques discussed by Bill and Megan, listeners can better protect themselves and their careers while working in this challenging environment.Links & Other NotesCOURSESNew Ways for Work® Coaches TrainingConflict Influencer™ BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies(publishes June 2024)BIFF at WorkIt's All Your Fault at WorkNew Ways for Work® Coaching ManualARTICLESThe CARS Method® for Resolving High Conflict SituationsHow To Write A BIFF Response®4 Ways to Set Limits at WorkOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - Bring It to Life: High Conflict in Academia (01:10) - The Question (03:20) - Signs of High Conflict Behavior (09:52) - CARS Method (16:07) - When You Leave (20:33) - What Not to Do (24:24) - What If We Snap? (28:32) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A Special Guest! Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Does High Conflict Coparenting Ever Get Better? That's what we're talking about in today's episode with CEO and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute, Megan Hunter, another "three-peat" guest (Episode 27 and Episode 59) and speaker at this year's Stepmom Summit (which is coming up April 25-28th - you can get on the waitlist for doors to open HERE).  Megan will give us a bit of a preview of what she and Bill Eddy will discuss when they appear together at the Summit in a few weeks - and, as always, some great tips for handling any high conflict personalities you may have in your life.  About Megan: Megan Hunter, MBA, is the co-founder and CEO. She developed the concept of the Institute after 13 years in policy, legislation, and judicial training with the Arizona Supreme Court and five years with the Dawes County Attorney's Office in Nebraska. She is founder and publisher of Unhooked Books, a U.S.-based media company. Megan has trained professionals in business, public service, law, education, and mental health in the U.S. and seven  other countries. She holds an MBA from the University of Phoenix and a Business and Economics degree from Chadron State College. She has served as President of the Arizona Chapter of the Association of Family & Conciliation Courts, the Arizona Family Support Council and Nebraska Child Support Enforcement Association. She served five  years on the Arizona Board of Psychologist Examiner, and is one of our experts serving on the Advisory board of Stepfamily Solutions. You Can Find Megan: On Instagram @highconflictinstitute On her website, highconflictinstitute.com Links Mentioned In Today's Episode Get your FREE ticket for the Stepmom Summit HERE! Got a question for me or something you're struggling with in your stepfamily life? Submit a question to be answered on a future podcast episode HERE Want to go deeper into coparenting, finding your own peace, and other blended family challenges? Join the Stepfamily Circle HERE Are you enjoying The Stepmom Diaries? If so, please consider rating and reviewing the show. It will help me reach more stepmoms just like you so they can get MORE out of stepmom life! It's super easy – all you have to do is click HERE and scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “write a review.” Then just let me know what you like best! And the best part about leaving a review? If you send me a screenshot of your review, I'll send YOU my 20-minute Stepmom Self-Care Blueprint. For FREE. It's normally $49 and it's a great tool to quickly set up a self-care plan you'll actually use. Just head HERE to send me your screenshot and grab your blueprint!  

Welcome to another insightful discussion with Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter as they welcome mediator Sonja Wood. Bill and Megan chat with Sonja about her fascinating journey from chemistry to mediation. Sonja discusses her experiences facing discrimination and a lack of conflict training in Europe that pushed her to study mediation. She shares navigating cultural differences working across countries and her transition to life in Texas. Bill and Megan are keen to learn how Sonja utilizes high conflict methods like BIFF in her work.Sonja reflects on encountering closed doors trying to address issues at her former company and deciding to gain conflict resolution skills instead. She took German mediation training before attaining Texas certification and specializing in civil and business mediation. Sonja values continuing education, most recently in positive psychology. Bill and Megan admire Sonja actively supporting mediation across the Lone Star State in volunteer work and through her Texas Association of Mediators chairship.Whether considering mediation or dealing with disputes yourself, tune in for valuable insight on constructive resolution from this esteemed guest. Sonja's perseverance achieving success across cultures proves issues are solvable when approached with understanding, like the high conflict methods advocated by the High Conflict Institute.Links & Other NotesGuest Website:  Sonja Wood websiteBOOKSBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media MeltdownsBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationMediating High Conflict DisputesARTICLESShould Workplace Conflicts use Mediation?Don't Ask “Why?” Ask “What's Your Proposal?”POLLSMarriage and WomenJoint Custody vs. Sole Child CustodyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:40) - Mediation with Sonja Wood (02:34) - Sonja and Mediation (16:52) - Coming to the US (18:14) - Challenges Finding Training (20:05) - Types of Mediation (24:01) - High Conflict Mediation (25:36) - BIFF (30:21) - Tips for New Mediators (32:24) - Wrap Up (33:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Poll Results! Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Navigating High Conflict Personalities in the WorkplaceIn this episode of "It's All Your Fault", Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy are joined by special guest Cherolyn Knapp to answer listener questions about dealing with high conflict personalities at work. As experts in the field of high conflict resolution, Bill and Megan provide valuable insights and strategies for managing challenging workplace interactions.Identifying and Responding to High Conflict BehaviorThe hosts and their guest discuss how high conflict individuals may present in the workplace, noting that they don't always yell or argue overtly. Passive-aggressive behavior, spreading rumors, and sabotaging others are common tactics used by high conflict personalities. Bill and Megan emphasize the importance of recognizing these behaviors and offer techniques for responding effectively, such as using "EAR" statements (empathy, attention, respect) to connect with the person and defuse the situation.Supporting Targets of High Conflict BehaviorMegan, Bill, and Cherolyn address a listener's question about feeling unsupported when targeted by a high conflict individual at work. They acknowledge the pain and difficulty of such situations and provide guidance on how to cope. The hosts suggest looking at personal choices and options, seeking support from others, and considering whether the current work environment is ultimately sustainable for one's well-being.Questions we answer in this episode:How can I protect my team from a high conflict individual in another department?What does high conflict behavior look like when it's not overt yelling or arguing?How can I get support when I'm being targeted by a high conflict person at work?What role do enablers play in perpetuating high conflict behavior?Key Takeaways:High conflict behavior isn't always loud and aggressive; it can be passive-aggressive, such as spreading rumors or sabotaging others.Using "EAR" statements (empathy, attention, respect) can help defuse high conflict situations and connect with the person.When targeted by a high conflict individual, it's important to assess your choices and options, and seek support.Enablers, whether supervisors, coworkers, or something else, can perpetuate high conflict behavior by siding with the high conflict person.This episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for navigating the challenges of high conflict personalities in the workplace. Whether you're a manager looking to protect your team or an individual feeling targeted by a high conflict coworker, Bill, Megan, and Cherolyn's expertise can help you identify problematic behaviors, respond effectively, and prioritize your well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKSOur New World of Adult BulliesBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationsIt's All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleTRAININGRegister for New Ways for Work Training (for coaches, HR, EAP, and others who help people resolve conflict in the workplace)April 8 and 10 (12pm - 4pm Pacific)October 21 and 23 (2pm - 6pm Pacific)COACHING & CONSULTATIONNew Ways for Work Coaching (for employees or anyone in the workplace)Consulting (for management or for anyone wanting in-depth consultation on your unique case)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - Welcome Back Cherolyn (03:05) - Listener Question #1: Dealing With a Workplace Bully (09:38) - EAR Statements and Connecting (11:57) - What to Say (13:57) - How High Conflict ‘Presents' (17:04) - Passive Aggressive (19:36) - How to Deal With Them (23:30) - Dealing With Abuse Enablers (29:43) - New Ways for Work (36:37) - New Ways for Work Leaders (40:29) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Another Guest! Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Are Women Happier Married or Divorced?In this thought-provoking episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the complex topic of women's happiness in marriage. They explore recent research and articles that suggest women should get divorced to find happiness, and then offer their own insights and experiences to provide a balanced perspective.Examining the ClaimsBill and Megan start by discussing a book that claims 70% of divorces are initiated by women who are tired, fed up, and unhappy in their marriages. However, they point out that there are many reasons women may file for divorce first, and it doesn't necessarily mean they are more unhappy than men. They also note that while women historically have done more housework and childcare, many men today are stepping up as equal partners and caregivers.Finding Balance and HappinessThe hosts emphasize that happiness is possible both within marriage and while being single. They stress the importance of being a whole person, making good choices in partners, and developing strong relationship skills. Bill shares statistics showing that the vast majority of married women, especially those with children, report being happy in their marriages. However, they acknowledge that being a single parent is often the most challenging situation.Questions we answer in this episode:Are women happier being married or divorced?What factors contribute to women's happiness in relationships?How are gender roles and expectations changing in modern marriages?What relationship skills are essential for a happy marriage?Key Takeaways:Both men and women can be happy married or singleRelationship skills are crucial for success in marriage and other areas of lifeMarried women, especially those with children, report high levels of happinessSingle parenting is often the most challenging situationIt's important to be a whole person and make good choices in partnersThis episode offers a nuanced look at the complex question of women's happiness in marriage. By examining recent claims, sharing personal experiences, and diving into statistics, Bill and Megan provide valuable insights and perspective. Listeners will come away with a better understanding of the factors that contribute to happiness in relationships and the importance of developing strong relationship skills.Links & Other NotesPOLLTake our anonymous poll here: Marriage and Women Poll BOOKSDating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life HellGenerations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents―and What They Mean for America's FutureARTICLESWomen are Divorcing and Finally Finding HappinessWho is Happiest? Married Mothers and Fathers, Per the Latest General Social SurveyTo Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career (NY Times article)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - Women's Thoughts About Marriage (01:18) - Women Should Get Divorced to Find Happiness? (10:56) - Finding the Balance (15:03) - Statistics (18:50) - Relationship Skills (24:14) - Last Thoughts (25:51) - Poll (26:52) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Child Custody Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Stepmom, today we are chatting with fellow stepmom and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute, Megan Hunter! If your stepchild's other parent is high-conflict, then this is a discussion you can't afford to miss! We're chatting all about practical, tangible tools to use when dealing with someone high-conflict and answering your most burning questions like:What traits define a high-conflict person?What are best practices for communicating with a high-conflict co-parent?Do you need to respond to every communication from a high-conflict co-parent?What can we do when the co-parent is lying in court about us?How can we de-escalate high-conflict situations?It's an honor to have Megan on the podcast sharing her in-depth knowledge on this topic. I know you're going to walk away from this episode feeling validated and empowered with better tools!Megan Hunter, MBA, is an expert on high conflict disputes. She is co-founder of the High Conflict Institute along with author and speaker, Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. who developed the high-conflict personality theory. Megan developed the concept of the Institute after 13 years in policy, legislation and judicial training with the Arizona Supreme Court and 5 years with the Dawes County Attorney's Office in Nebraska. She is founder and publisher of Unhooked Books, a U.S.-based media company.Megan has trained business, workplace, government, public service, legal, mental health, leadership groups, non-profits, universities and other professionals across much of the U.S. and 7 countries. Megan holds an MBA from the University of Phoenix and a Business and Economics degree from Chadron State College, Chadron, Nebraska. She has served as President of the Arizona Chapter of the Association of Family & Conciliation Courts, the Arizona Family Support Council and Nebraska Child Support Enforcement Association. She served 5 years on the Arizona Board of Psychologist Examiners, and currently serves on the board of Stepfamily Magazine.Links Mentioned:The High Conflict Institute: https://www.highconflictinstitute.comNew Ways for Families: https://www.conflictplaybook.com/NWFFLive Lab: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/live-labBIFF for Coparent Communication book (affiliate): https://amzn.to/45D9vKqReady to create a stepmom life you love? Grab my FREE GUIDE 15 Ways to Become a Happier Stepmom Overnight: https://stepmomming.com/happierLet's work together: https://stepmomming.com/quick-links/Join our FREE support group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/stepmommingainteasy

Navigating the Storm of Teen RelationshipsIn this eye-opening episode of 'It's All Your Fault', hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute dive into the turbulent world of teen dating and relationship violence. Aimed at understanding and influencing the complexities of young people's interactions, this installment sheds light on how personality disorders could affect adolescent relationships, the emergence of digital violence, and strategies for intervention and prevention.Understanding Teen Dating ViolenceBill and Megan explore the significance of personality development in adolescents and its potential impact on dating violence. Discussions revolve around impulse control and interpersonal functioning, with a focus on borderline and antisocial personality disorders. The conversation is directed at parents and teens to recognize early signs of high conflict behaviors and the importance of intervention during adolescence. The episode also highlights the effectiveness of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and offers resources for those seeking help.Questions we answer in this episode:Do personality disorders matter in teen relationships?Can personality traits indicate a proclivity for relationship violence?How do peer attitudes influence teen dating violence?What role does gender inequality play in teen relationships?Why is self-regulation important to address in teens?Key Takeaways:Early personality development impacts adolescent dating behaviors.Impulse control and interpersonal dysfunction are key areas in personality disorders.Peer attitudes can have a stronger influence on teens than parental behavior.Gender inequality beliefs are risk factors for teen dating violence.Early intervention can help teens with high conflict behaviors adjust more effectively.Why This Episode is a Must-ListenBill and Megan's discussion is not just insightful—it's critical for understanding the dynamics at play in teen dating violence. This episode provides an essential guide for parents, educators, and teens to recognize and react to high conflict situations. By tuning in, you'll gain the knowledge to identify early warning signs and learn about the resources available to help manage and prevent relationship violence among young people. Don't miss out on this crucial conversation.Links & Other NotesWEBSITES ON TEEN DATING VIOLENCE AND DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPYBloom365Free Dialectical Behavior Therapy coursesHopeforBPDBOOKSGenerations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents―and What They Mean for America's FutureThe Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of TraumaDating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life HellARTICLESNew Research Finds A Connection Between Domestic Violence And These Two Personality DisordersRESEARCHPersonality disorders as predictors of intimate partner violence: A meta-analysisDating ViolenceOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Relationship Violence Part 2: Teen Relationships (00:50) - Personality Disorders in Teens (03:47) - Hot Reactive Violence vs. Cold Calculating Violence (06:17) - Resources (07:16) - TDV: Teen Dating Violence (12:19) - More Resources (14:54) - Digital Violence (24:04) - How to Approach Your Teen (26:07) - Setting Up Expetations (27:09) - TDV in Gen-Z (34:30) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: High Conflict at Work Learn more about our Pre-Mediation Coaching here!

Ahoy! Join us for our first ever author spotlight in which we dive into the award-winning novels of American author Rebecca Makkai. Makkai's work tackles subjects as diverse as the trauma of the 1980's AIDS crisis and the enduring legacy of the #MeToo movement, to the secrets and scandals of a mysterious artists' colony and the modern-day politics of conversion therapy. I Have Some Questions For You The Great Believers The Hundred Year HouseThe Borrower Also this week Joseph read The End We Start From by Megan Hunter and Saph read Society of Snow by Pablo Vierci. The Novel Thoughts team also talk about Charlie Kaufman's forthcoming adaptation of Yoko Ogawa's The Memory Police. This week's listener recommendation request comes from Kelly who likes a good crime novel and is looking for recommendation for her next five-star read. Joseph recommends The It Girl by Ruth Ware and Saph recommends Night Boat To Tangier by Kevin Barry. Also mentioned in this episode:The Harpy by Megan HunterStillicide by Cynan JonesThey by Kay DickTo The Friend Who Did Not Save My Life by Hervé GuibertThe Farewell Symphony by Edmund White See the Novel Thoughts bookshop page for all books mentioned in this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle an important but tricky topic in this episode - how to set healthy boundaries with others when tensions run high. Whether it's a contentious divorce, difficult coworker, or suspected lies, Bill and Megan provide realistic examples and actionable advice to constructively handle high-conflict situations. Tune in to learn techniques to establish boundaries while remaining calm and keeping conflicts small. This episode delivers takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.They provide tips across three common scenarios:Co-parenting after divorce: Look to standards or common practices as a starting point. Focus on protecting the children and not discussing certain topics in front of them. You can only control your own behavior - walk away if tensions escalate.Workplace conflicts: Practice using the BIF (brief, informative, friendly, firm) method in emails or conversations. Don't engage in unnecessary battles - end conversations if needed.Suspected lies: Always consider three perspectives - it could be true, false, or somewhere in between. Don't react emotionally or you may become a target of blame. Reality test tactfully if needed.Bill and Megan stress practicing these techniques and finding simple but memorable phrases to use when setting boundaries. Their realistic examples and actionable advice provide takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.Links & Other NotesLIVE LAB: 1:1 coaching to learn skills (setting limits, BIFF Responses, CalmB4Think)ARTICLE: 12 Tips for Co-Parent Boundaries ARTICLE: Need to Set Limits With a High Conflict Person? Give ‘Em Your EARARTICLE: 4 Ways to Set Limits at WorkCOURSE: Conflict Influencer™ Certification Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Kicking Off Season Four (01:10) - Setting Limits in High Conflict Situations (02:00) - Co-Parenting (10:00) - The Work World (16:12) - Lying (26:46) - Wrapping Up (27:18) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Relationship Violence Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Our latest guest on Soundtracking is the wonderful Jodie Comer, who joined Edith to discuss her role in Mahalia Belo's new film, The End We Start From. Based on the book by Megan Hunter, it tells the story of a mother and her baby who flee London after an ecological crisis, and sees Jodie star alongside the likes of Benedict Cumberbatch, Katherine Waterstone and Mark Strong. They also talk about the music moments in Killing Eve, Free Guy & her stage play, Prima Facie.

Megan Hunter, MBA, is the co-founder and CEO of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California. She is an expert in high conflict personalities and helping people influence high conflict situations by adapting their approach. She's written several books on high conflict interactions/disputes, and has provided training across the U.S. and seven countries.   This week, Megan and I discuss navigating high conflict personalities and situations.   Learn more about the High Conflict Institute here: Highconflictinstitute.com Connect with Megan here: Megan@Highconflictinstitute.com   Connect with Traci here: https://linktr.ee/HRTraci   Don't forget to rate this podcast 5 starts, leave a review, and subscribe!   Disclaimer: Thoughts, opinions, and statements made on this podcast are not a reflection of the thoughts, opinions, and statements of the Company Traci Chernoff is actively employed by. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/hrtraci/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/hrtraci/support

Today's powerful episode gives you the strategies and tools needed to communicate more effectively with your spouse's high conflict personality. You have been struggling with criticism, deflection, blaming and black and white thinking. You have doubted your own version of reality, lost your self esteem and tried time and again to reason with your spouse to no end. What you didn't know was that communicating with a HCP requires a very different approach.HCPs do not respond to logic. Their brains are wired differently which is why your reasoning was fuel to the fire of conflict you were trying to put out. You continually get hooked into his/her reality, react is frustration or discouragement with nothing changingToday's guests, Megan Hunter and Andrea LaRochelle are experts in high conflict disputes and explain why your reasoning approach has not worked and what you need to do to communicate more effectively with the HCP in your life. Learn about the EAR and BIFF approaches that will forever change the way you interact and coparent with your HCP.More ways to connect with Megan and Andrea: Co-Parenting Without Court Parent/Child Classes: https://www.conflictplaybook.com/offers/SJ8XumLo/checkout High Conflict Family Law Consultation Group: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/consultation-group The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Reclaim Your Life One Week At A Time book: https://www.amazon.com/Coparenting-Wellness-Planner-High-Conflict-Cases/dp/1936268302Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode: Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com Join the Ultimate High Conflict Divorce Summit: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/summit2023 Win Without Law School: https://www.winwithoutlawschool.com/ Co-Parenting Masterclass: https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle questions from grandparents struggling to support grandchildren amidst high conflict co-parents.Protecting Kids from Raging Co-ParentsFirst, they advise how grandparents can help shield kids from a raging, unstable parent. Recommendations include teaching emotional regulation, self-checking, and conflict management skills. Stay positive about the high conflict parent.Co-Parenting with a Difficult Ex Long-TermNext is guidance for co-parenting long-term with a high conflict, accusatory ex. Bill emphasizes staying calm, balanced, and solution-focused. Praise successes. Accept the limitations on your role as a grandparent.Getting an Expert Evaluation for CourtThen Bill explains why expert testimony is critical for custody cases with a parent with tendencies like factitious disorder or personality disorders. Experts can explain the need for detailed custody orders.Minimizing Damage as Kids Grow UpFinally, they discuss how to minimize damage as kids mature and become more aware of a high conflict parent's extreme behaviors. Expose kids to reasonable role models and encourage their insights.Key Takeaways: Teach kids emotional regulation and critical thinking Stay positive about the high conflict parent Get expert testimony for custody cases Accept your limited role as a grandparent Focus on providing stability The key is accepting your limited role as a grandparent, focusing on your own behavior, and providing a stabilizing presence for grandchildren. Get support from other grandparents going through similar challenges.Links & Other Notes: COURSES Erasing Family Documentary with Resist/Refuse Commentary from Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Resistance, Refusal and the Child's Brain New Ways for Families (course for parents in divorce/separation/co-parenting) BOOKS Don't Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce New Ways for Families: Professional Guidebook New Ways for Families: Parent Workbook High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder VIDEOS The Primitive Emotional Power of Alienation Alienation is Not Normal Overcoming the Contagious Emotions of Alienation ARTICLESIs Your Child Alienated? Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Grandparents and High Conflict (00:58) - Question One (16:31) - Question Two (23:13) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Workplace Conflict Learn more about our exclusive Family Law Consultation Group right here and sign up to be part of the 2024 session today!

In this episode, Megan Hunter, CEO & CO-Founder of High Conflict Institute, provides some helpful tools and strategies we can use when communicating with a co-partner. BIFF - Brief, Informative, Friendly and FirmEAR - Empathy, Attention, RespectNo response is a response. We don't have to answer right away if we choose to answer.Provide options and proposals vs. "all or nothing"WEB methodSSN - Shut up, Smile, NodHosts, Mick Smith and Kindra Riber, want to make sure you are not alone during divorce, parental alienation, and custody battles. They bring real people and real stories to you so you can be equipped to heal yourself, your children and recover from the aftermath of family trauma and drama.If you find yourself entangled in a high-conflict divorce or experiencing the heart-wrenching alienation from your children, we encourage you to share your story with us. Reach out to us at theaftermathhealing@gmail.com and let your voice be heard.This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Podcast hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle listener questions about antisocial personality disorder. Bill clarifies common myths.Recognizing Antisocial Patterns in a SpouseThe first section covers a listener asking how to respond to a psychiatrist claiming their spouse doesn't have antisocial traits. Bill explains professionals can get manipulated by antisocials' victim stories. Key antisocial patterns include blaming, aggression, rule-breaking, and lying. Make your own assessment using pattern awareness.Seeing Antisocial Personalities in Generations of FamilyNext, they discuss a listener noticing antisocial patterns across generations of their family. Bill confirms antisocial personality tends to run in families due to genetic factors. However, early childhood environment plays a role too. Having one antisocial family member doesn't mean all siblings will be.Comparing Antisocial and Narcissistic PatternsFinally, Bill contrasts antisocial personalities from narcissistic patterns. Antisocials straightforwardly lie while narcissists exaggerate. Both invest in false public images. However, antisocials fabricate entire stories while narcissists distort real events.Key Takeaways: Antisocial doesn't mean shy or introverted Lying, aggression and rule breaking are common The genetic link is strong but environment plays a role Narcissists exaggerate while antisocials fabricate Maintain healthy skepticism of far-fetched stories Understanding personalities helps respond cautiously. Don't assume you can change them. Focus on protecting yourself. Manipulation knows no limits or social status. Maintain healthy skepticism.Bill busts myths about antisocial personalities. Learn to recognize concerning patterns and behaviors to protect yourself.Links & Other Notes: COURSES Handling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict People Working with High Conflict Litigants - 10 Tips for Judges BOOKS It's All Your Fault! 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life ARTICLES Sociopaths and Their Deceptions The New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality Disorders Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Anti-Social Personality Disorder (02:06) - Question One (13:13) - Question Two (18:54) - Question Three (34:20) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Grandparents and High Conflict Learn more about our exclusive Family Law Consultation Group right here and sign up to be part of the 2024 session today!

Navigating High Conflict Divorce and Co-ParentingIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy answer listener questions to provide guidance on high conflict divorce and co-parenting dilemmas.Ending a Divorce Dispute with a Self-Unaware ExThe first response is to a listener asking how to finalize a divorce when a spouse lacks self-awareness. Bill explains not to expect insight from highly manipulative people. He advises weighing options and setting limits versus seeking concessions.Making Mediation Work with a High-Conflict ExNext, they tackle a question about mediating with an inflexible ex-spouse. Bill recommends one or two sessions maximum before assessing if it's futile. Megan underscores making self-directed choices to end unproductive mediation.Coping with Extreme Parental AlienationFinally, they discuss dealing with an ex-spouse severely alienating children after divorce. Bill outlines common alienating behaviors and options like counseling or temporary custody change. Megan emphasizes understanding personalities aids strategic response.Key Takeaways: Don't expect self-awareness from high-conflict people Choose your battles wisely when negotiating with exes Set firm limits on fruitless mediation efforts Recognize and address alienating behaviors proactively Personality insights assist responding strategically Bill and Megan share hard-won experience navigating the rollercoaster of high-conflict divorce and co-parenting.Links & Other Notes: COURSES Erasing Family Documentary with Resist/Refuse Commentary from Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Resistance, Refusal and the Child's Brain New Ways for Families (course for parents in divorce/separation/co-parenting) BOOKS Don't Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce New Ways for Families: Professional Guidebook New Ways for Families: Parent Workbook High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder VIDEOS The Primitive Emotional Power of Alienation Alienation is Not Normal Overcoming the Contagious Emotions of Alienation Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - High Conflict Divorce, Child Custody Battles, and Parental Alienation (01:18) - Divorce with an HCP (08:31) - Mediation in a High Conflict Divorce (13:57) - Parental Alienation (24:19) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Anti-Social Personality Disorder Learn more about our exclusive Family Law Consultation Group right here and sign up to be part of the 2024 session today!

Jamie interviews Megan Hunter, CEO of the High Conflict Institute. They discuss tips for dealing with high-conflict situations in your stepfamily life, high-conflict co-parenting relationships, how to recognize when you are in a high-conflict situation, high-conflict personalities, how to be proactive in dealing with them and more... Megan is also a Stepmom.   For more from Megan visit: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/megan-hunter     For more from Jamie Scrimgeour visit www.jamiescrimgeour.com Follow along on Instagram: www.instagram.com/jamiescrimgeour Follow along on Facebook: www.facebook.com/scrimgeourjamie   Join The Exclusive Stepmom Community: www.jamiescrimgeour.com/membership Download The Secret To Improving Your Stepfamily Life: www.jamiescrimgeour.com/freeguide     Thanks to Our Sponsors: LMNT - visit www.drinklmnt.com/kickassstepmom to get a free sample pack with purchase.   This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at www.betterhelp.com/STEPMOM and get on your way to being your best self.