Podcast appearances and mentions of iris chen

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, Corey and I talk about modeling the person you want your child to be—instead of trying to force them into having good character or good values. We discussed the difference between being a gardener or a carpenter parent, raising kind and helpful children, and how to trust the modeling process. We give lots of examples of what this has looked like for parents in our community as well as in our own homes.**If you'd like an ad-free version of the podcast, consider becoming a supporter on Substack! > > If you already ARE a supporter, the ad-free version is waiting for you in the Substack app or you can enter the private feed URL in the podcast player of your choice.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!We talk about:* 00:00 — Intro + main idea: be the person you want your child to be* 00:02 — How kids naturally model what we do (funny real-life stories)* 00:04 — When modeling goes wrong (rabbit poop + shovel story)* 00:06 — Not everything kids do is learned from us (fight/flight/freeze)* 00:08 — Gardener vs. carpenter parenting metaphor* 00:10 — Why “don't do anything for your child” is flawed advice* 00:12 — Helping builds independence (adult example + kids stepping up)* 00:17 — Hunt, Gather, Parent: let kids help when they're little* 00:19 — How to encourage helping without power struggles* 00:23 — Family team vs. rigid chores* 00:26 — Trust, faith, and “I'm sure you'll do it next time”* 00:29 — Respecting kids like people (adultism)* 00:31 — Living values without preaching* 00:36 — It's the small moments that shape kids* 00:38 — Don't be a martyr: let some things go* 00:40 — When this works (and when it doesn't)* 00:42 — Closing reflections on trust and nurturingResources mentioned in this episode:* Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player * The Peaceful Parenting Membership * Hunt, Gather, Parent podcast episode* Evelyn & Bobbie brasConnect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team-click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Our sponsors:YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can't go where you don't want them to go and they aren't watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HEREEvelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HEREPodcast Transcript:Sarah: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. I have Corey with me today. Hi, Corey.Corey: Hey, Sarah.Sarah: I'm so happy to be talking about what we're going to be talking about today because it's something that comes up a lot—both with our coaching clients and in our membership.Today we're talking about modeling the person you want your child to be—being the person you want your child to be—instead of trying to force them into having good character or good values.Corey: This is one of my favorite topics because people don't really think about it. There's that phrase that's so rampant: “Do as I say, not as I do.” And we're actually saying: do the exact opposite of that.Sarah: Yeah. And I think if people did this, that phrase wouldn't have to exist. Because if you're being the person you want your child to be, then you really can just say, “Do as I do.”I guess that “Do what I say, not what I do” comes up when you're not being the person you want your child to be. And it shows how powerful it is that kids naturally follow what we do, right?Corey: Yes.Sarah: Yeah. We both have some funny stories about this in action—times we didn't necessarily think about it until we remembered or saw it reflected back. Do you want to share yours first? It's so cute.Corey: Yeah. When I was a little girl, my favorite game to play was asking my mom if we could play “Mummy and her friend.” We did this all the time. My mom said she had to do it over and over and over with me.We'd both get a little coffee cup. I'd fill mine with water, and we'd pretend we were drinking tea or coffee. Then we would just sit and have a conversation—like I heard her having with her friend.And I'd always be like, “So, how are your kids?”—and ask the exact things I would hear my mom asking her friend.Sarah: That's so cute. So you were pretending to be her?Corey: Yes.Sarah: That is so cute.I remember once when Lee was little—he was probably around three—he had a block, like a play block, a colored wooden block. And he had it pinched between his shoulder and his ear, and he was doing circles around the kitchen.I said, “What are you doing?” And he said, “I'm talking on the phone.”And I realized: oh my gosh. I walk around with the cordless phone pinched between my shoulder and my ear, and I walk around while I'm talking on the phone. So for him, that was like: this is how you talk on the phone.Corey: That's such a funny reference, too. Now our kids would never—my kids would never do that, right?Sarah: No, because they never saw you with a phone like that.Corey: Right.Sarah: That is so funny. It's definitely a dated reference.You also have a funny story, too, that's sort of the opposite—less harmless things our kids copy us doing. Do you want to share your… I think it's a rabbit poop story.Corey: It is. We're just going to put it out there: it's a rabbit poop story. This is how we accidentally model things we probably don't want our kids doing.So, if you were listening this time last year, I got a new dog. She's a lab, and her favorite thing is to eat everything—especially things she's not supposed to eat, which I'm sure a lot of people can relate to.Our area is rampant with rabbits, so we have this problem with rabbit droppings. And my vet has informed me that despite the fact that dogs love it, you need to not let them eat it.So I'm always in the backyard—if you're hearing this, it's really silly—having to try and shovel these up so the dog's not eating them.Listeners, we're looking into a longer-term solution so rabbits aren't getting into our backyard, but this is where we're at right now.Whenever I noticed I'd be shoveling them up and I'd see her trying to eat something else I hadn't shoveled yet, I'd say, “Leave it,” and then give her a treat to reward her.One day, my little guy—little C—who loves taking part in dog training and is so great with animals, he saw our dog eating something she shouldn't. He ran and got his little sand shovel and went up to her holding it—kind of waving it at her—like, “Leave it.”And I was like, why are you shaking a shovel at the dog? Totally confused about what he was doing.And he's like, “Well, this is how you do it, Mommy.”And I was like… oh. I shake a shovel at the dog. You just say, “Leave it,” and then you give her the treat—not the shovel.Not an hour later, I'm shoveling again, she's trying to eat something she shouldn't, and I'm like, “Leave it, leave it.” I look at my hand and I'm holding the shovel up while saying it to her.Sarah: Right?Corey: And I was like, “Oh, this is why he thinks that.” Because every time I'm saying this to her, I'm holding a shovel mid-scoop—trying to get on top of the problem.Sarah: That's so funny. And when you told me that the first time, I got the impression you maybe weren't being as gentle as you thought you were. Like you were frustrated with the dog, and little C was copying that.Corey: Yeah. Probably that too, right? Because it's a frustrating problem. Anyone who's tried to shovel rabbit droppings knows it's an impossible, ridiculous task.So I definitely was a bit frustrated. He was picking up both on the frustration and on what I was physically doing.And I also think this is a good example to show parents: don't beat yourself up. Sometimes we're not even aware of the things we're doing until we see it reflected back at us.Sarah: Totally.And now that you mentioned beating yourself up: I have a lot of parents I work with who will say, “I heard my kid yelling and shouting, and I know they pick that up from me—my bad habits of yelling and shouting.”I just want to say: there are some things kids do out of fight, flight, or freeze—like their nervous system has gotten activated—that they would do whether you shouted at them or not.It's not that everything—every hard thing—can be traced back to us.Kids will get aggressive, and I've seen this: kids who are aggressive, who have not ever seen aggression. They've never seen anyone hitting; they've never been hit. But they will hit and kick and spit and scream because that's the “fight” of fight, flight, or freeze.So it's not that they learned it somewhere.And often parents will worry, “What are they being exposed to at school?” But that can just be a natural instinct to protect oneself when we get dysregulated.Also, kids will think of the worst thing they can say—and it's not necessarily that they've heard it.I remember one time Asa got really mad at Lee. They were like three and six. And Asa said, “I'm going to chop your head off and bury you in the backyard.”Oh my goodness—if I hadn't known it wasn't necessarily something he learned, I would've been really worried. But it was just a reflection of that fight, flight, or freeze instinct that he had.So I guess it's: yes, kids can learn things from us, and I'm not saying they can't. Your example—with the dog, the rabbit poop, and the shovel—of course kids can pick up unsavory behavior from us.But that doesn't mean that every single hard thing they do, they learned from us. And also, they have good natures. There are things that come from them that are good as well, that they didn't learn from us.Corey: That's right.Sarah: I want to ground this conversation in a great metaphor from a book by Allison Gopnik. I think the title is The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children.To really embrace what we're talking about—being the person you want your child to be—you have to believe in the gardener metaphor of parenting.The gardener metaphor is: your child is like a seed that has within it everything it needs to grow into a beautiful plant. You provide the water, sunlight, proper soil, and then the plant does the work of growing on its own.The carpenter metaphor is: you have to build your child—make your child into who they're going to be.This idea we're talking about—be the person you want your child to be—that's the soil and the light and the water your child needs to grow into a beautiful plant, or a beautiful human being.It's not that we're doing things to them to turn them into good humans.And honestly, most parents, when you ask them what they wish for their child, they want their kid to be a good person when they grow up.I want to say to parents: it's easier than you think. The most influential thing you can do to help your child grow up to be a good person is to be the person you want them to be.This goes up against a lot of common parenting advice.One phrase I wish did not exist—and I don't know where it came from, but if anyone knows, let me know—is: “You should never do anything for your child that they can do for themselves.”Such a terrible way to think about relationships.Can you imagine if I said to your partner, “You should never do anything for Corey that she can do for herself”? It's terrible.I make my husband coffee in the morning—not because he can't make it himself, but as an act of love. For him to come downstairs, getting ready for work, and have a nice hot coffee ready. Of course he can make his own coffee. But human relationships are built on doing things for each other.Corey: Yes. I think that's so profound.I think about how I was just telling you before we started recording how we've been spending our weekends skiing. When I first started skiing with my husband—even though I'd grown up skiing—I'd never done it as much as him. He helped me so much. He did so much of the process for me so I didn't have too much to think about.Now that we do it all the time, he said to me the other day, “Look at how independent you've gotten with this. You can do so much of this yourself. You're managing so much more on the hill.”He was so proud of me, and I was thinking: imagine if he hadn't done that for me. If he had been like, “Just figure it out. We're on the ski hill. You're an adult.”I probably wouldn't have enjoyed it very much. But he did lots of things for me that I could have done for myself, and that love and support helped nurture the shared love we had.Sarah: Yeah.And I think it's tough because our culture is so individualistic. Hyper-individualistic—everyone should stand on their own two feet and do things without help and make it on their own. And that has really leaked into our parenting.One of the major fears I hear from parents is that their kid won't be independent.So a lot of parents push kids to be independent—and what that ends up looking like is the opposite of what we're talking about.Part of the reason there's pressure for individualism is because we see it as a way for kids to turn into “good people.”But so many qualities of being a good person are about human interconnectedness: caring about other people, being kind, being helpful, being conscientious, thinking about what's the right thing to do.All of that comes from how we're modeling it—the gardener metaphor.But there's always this tension: wanting your kid to be helpful, caring, kind, and thinking you have to make them be those things instead of letting that gardener process develop.I'm on the other side of this because my kids are grownups, so I've seen it develop. One of the things I realized a couple years ago is this progression I saw with Maxine.One time we were on our way out the door. My husband happened to be leaving for work at the same time we were leaving for the school bus. Maxine was probably around seven, and I was carrying her backpack for her.My husband—who also has that individualism thing—said, “Why are you carrying her backpack? She's seven. She can carry her own backpack.”And I was like, “I know, but she likes me to carry it, and I don't mind.”And I really knew that someday she would want to carry her own backpack.Sure enough, a couple years later, she's carrying her own backpack, doesn't ask me anymore. I didn't think about it for a while.Then one day we were coming from the grocery store and had to walk a little ways with heavy groceries. She insisted on carrying all the groceries and wouldn't let me carry anything.I was like, “I can carry some groceries, honey.” And she's like, “No, Mom. I've got it.”She's carrying all the heavy groceries by herself. This full-circle moment: not only was she helping, she wanted to do it for me. She didn't want me to have to carry the heavy groceries.I just love that.Corey: Yeah. And I love when we have these conversations because sometimes it feels like a leap of faith—you don't see this modeled in society very much. It's a leap of faith to be like, “I can do these things for my children, and one day they will…”But it's not as long as people think. I'm already seeing some of that blooming with my 10-year-old.Sarah: Yeah.And Sophie in our membership shared something on our Wednesday Wins. Her kids are around 10, eight or nine, and seven. She's always followed this principle—modeling who you want your kid to be.She said she always worried, “They're never going to help.” And whenever you hear “never” and “always,” there's anxiety coming in.But she shared she had been sick and had to self-isolate. Her kids were making her food and bringing it to her. She would drive to the store, and they would go in and get the things needed.She was amazed at how they stepped up and helped her without her having to make them. They just saw that their mom needed help and were like, “We're there, Mom. What do you need?”Corey: Oh—“What do you need?” That's so sweet.Sarah: I love that.One more story: this fall, my kids are 20—Lee's going to be 25 next week—21, and 18.My husband and I were going away for the weekend, leaving Maxine home by herself. It was fall, and we have a lot of really big trees around our house, so there was major eavestroughs—gutters—cleaning to do, getting leaves off the roof and bagging all the leaves in the yard. A full-day job.My husband had been like, “I have so much work to do. I don't want to deal with that when I come home.”So I asked the boys if they could come over and the three of them could do the leaf-and-gutter job. And they were like, “Absolutely.”They surprised their dad. When we came home, they had done the entire thing. They spent a day doing all the leaves and gutter cleaning. None of them were like, “I don't want to,” or “I'm busy.” They didn't ask me to pay them—we didn't pay them. They just were like, “Sure, we'll help Dad. We know he has a lot of work right now.”I just love that.Corey: Oh, I love that. When they're so little, they can't really help take the burden off you. But knowing that one day they will—it's such a nice thing to know.Although this brings us to that good point about Hunt, Gather, Parent.Sarah: Yeah. If people haven't listened to that episode, we'll link to it in the show notes.Let's talk about some things you can do to actively practice what we're talking about—modeling who we want our kids to be.One idea is really encapsulated by Michaeleen Doucleff, who wrote Hunt, Gather, Parent. She traveled in Mexico, spent time with Mayan people, and saw kids doing household stuff without being asked—helpful, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, taking care of younger siblings in this beautiful way that was pretty unrecognizable by North American standards.She went down and lived with them and studied what they did. She found it started with letting kids help when they were little.The two- or three-year-old who wanted to help a parent make food or do things in the garden—rather than the parents doing it without the kid around, or giving them something fake to help with, or not letting them do it—those parents let kids do it.Even if it took longer, even if the parent had to redo it later (not in front of them). They let their kids be imperfect helpers and enthusiastic helpers.That's an impulse we've all seen: kids want to help. And we often don't let them because we say they're too little or it takes too much time. And we end up thwarting that helping impulse.Then when we really want them to help—when they're actually capable—they've learned, “Helping isn't my role,” because it got shut down earlier.Corey: Exactly. And I really feel that for parents because schedules are so busy and we're so rushed.But you don't have to do this all the time. It's okay if there are sometimes where there's a crunch. Pick times when it's a little more relaxed—maybe on weekends or when you have a bit more space.Sarah: Totally.And while we're talking about helping: this comes up a lot with parents I work with and in our membership. Parents will say, “I asked my kid to set the table and they said, ‘Why do I always have to do it?'”This happened the other day with a client. I asked, “What was your child doing when you asked?” And she said, “He was snuggled up on the couch reading a book.”And I was like: I can see how that's frustrating—you could use help getting the table ready. But let's zoom out.Modeling might look like: “Okay, you're tired. You've had a long day at school. You're snuggled up reading. I'll set the table right now.”Being gracious. Even if they refuse sometimes, it's okay to do it. But also, in that specific helping piece, we can look at the times when they help without being asked.When I give parents the assignment to look for that, every parent says, “Oh, I won't find any.” And then they come back and say, “Oh, I did find times.”So when they do help—carry groceries, help a sibling—how can you make them feel good about it?“Thank you. That saved so much time.” “I was going to help your brother but my hands were full—thank you.”Pro-social behavior is reinforced when it feels good.If you want them to help more, ask: “What would you like to do to help the family team?”Not, “This is your job forever.” More like, “I've noticed setting the table isn't a great time for you. What are some other things you could take on?” And if they don't have ideas, brainstorm what's developmentally appropriate.Often there are things kids would like to do that you've just never thought of.Corey: It's true. It's kind of like how adults divide jobs at home—often according to who likes what. But with kids we think, “I should just tell them what to do, and they should just do it.”It makes sense to work with what they like.Sarah: And also the flow of the family and schedule.That's why we never had chores in the strict sense. My kids helped out, but it was never “one person's job” to do the dishwasher or take out the garbage.Because inevitably I'd need the dishwasher emptied and that person wasn't home, or they were doing homework. And if I said, “Can you do the dishwasher?” someone could say, “That's not my job—that's my brother's job.”So instead, if I needed something done, whoever was around: “Hey, can you take the garbage out?” I tried to keep it relatively equal, but it wasn't a rigid assignment. And I think that helped create the family team idea.Corey: Yes.Sarah: And that “it's someone's job” thing is that individualism again.You hear this: “Can you clean that up?” and if you haven't been modeling cleaning up messes that aren't your own, you might hear, “Well, I didn't make that mess.”But if you model: if they make a mess and you say, “Can you pick up your crayons?” and they're like, “No,” then you can say, “Okay, sure, I'll pick up the crayons for you,” and they have the experience of seeing someone clean up a mess that isn't theirs.They're more likely to absorb: “Oh, yeah, I can help with messes that aren't mine.”Corey: I've really seen this play out in my house this winter. One child loves shoveling. The second there's any snow, he's like, “Time for me to shovel.” It doesn't matter if it's early morning or dark out—he's out there shoveling.And I've been blown away, because first of all, I do not like shoveling. It's genuinely helpful.But he'll also be looking out for when the plow comes by—this doesn't happen where you live on the island, but for lots of people: the plow makes a wall at the end of the driveway. Even if you already shoveled, you have a new wall.He'll keep looking: “Just watching out for the plow.” Like a little old man. The second it happens, he's out there so everyone can leave the house as needed.And he's even admitted, “There are lots of jobs I don't like, but I really love doing this. This is something I can do for everybody.”Sarah: That's so great. That's a perfect example of letting them choose something that helps the family.In terms of flexibility—doing things for them—how have you seen that play out? Because for me, when my kids were small, they did very little. We'd do “Let's all tidy up,” but maybe they'd pick up three things and I'd pick up most of the things. We'd do a 10-minute tidy.Mostly I did dishes, setting and clearing the table, all of that. But then I found that as they got older, they just started doing it.And I never got into power struggles because, honestly, it was often easier to do it myself. Maybe that worked out because I didn't have a grand vision—I just lived it, and then I saw them grow into doing a lot as they got older.What about you? How are you seeing that balance between what you do for them and how you see them growing?Corey: I'd say this is where you really have to have faith. Something that maybe wasn't modeled for us.This comes up with clients all the time: they get anxious—“They're never going to clean up, they're never going to be helpful, they'll be entitled.” They get stuck in “never” because it's not happening right away.So when I tell people: invite them, and if they don't want to do it, say something like, “You don't want to do it this time. I'm sure you'll do it next time.”But mean it—not passive-aggressive. Not “I'm sure you'll do it next time” as a threat. Actually mean: “I'm sure you'll do it next time,” and then go about it with trust that they will eventually do it.You're holding space. You're not being anxious about it.Sarah: Yes—holding space, having faith.Corey: And I think it's giving ourselves—and the parents we work with—a permission slip.You can tidy up for them without being angry about it. If you're doing this like, “No one helps me,” that's not going to work.You have to truly trust the goodness of your children—that they'll want to be like this.Sarah: Yeah.And I think some of it comes down to how we treat other adults.If your partner normally does the dishes and says, “I'm exhausted from work,” hopefully there's give-and-take. You pick up slack when they're tired.A lot of this is: how do you want to be treated? How do you treat other adults? And how can you work on treating kids the same way?So often we don't treat kids the way we treat adults. And sometimes that's appropriate. But often it's just a lack of respect.I saw a comedy skit once where these moms were sitting around drinking wine, and at first it was normal, and then one goes to reach for the bottle and another slaps her hand: “You haven't finished what you have in your glass. Finish what you have first.”Someone interrupts, and the other says, “I was still speaking. Wait until I'm done speaking.”And you're like: oh my gosh, that's what people do to kids all the time. If you see an adult do it to another adult, it's funny—but it's also jarring because it's considered normal when people do it to kids.Kids aren't always seen as having the same rights or deserving the same respect as adults.Corey: Yes. And I think Iris Chen talks about this. You did a podcast with her back in season one—adultism.Sarah: Yes, adultism—like racism or sexism, but adultism: prioritizing adults' needs and rights over children's.Corey: And that really stood out to me. If we treat them like the beautiful little people they are—not “just children,” but people—that goes a long way in what we're talking about today.Sarah: Yeah.And the last big point is how this works with values.Corey: We hear this a lot: parents get worried about values. They really value the environment and worry their kids aren't living those values.Like a parent who was upset their kids were buying candy made with palm oil because of how it's harvested. “Why don't my kids care?”If we get preachy—“We can't buy candy with palm oil,” “We only buy thrifted clothes”—it can turn into, “You're trying to control me,” and then kids push the other way.Versus if we live those values and give them room to play with them and figure out where they land, they tend to be more open—and more interested in the why.A strange example from this weekend: I don't really like those disposable hand warmers because you can only use them once. I prefer things we can use multiple times.It was supposed to be really cold, so I was like, “Okay, I guess I'll buy them.” I didn't say anything weird about it. We used them.At the end of the day, he had to throw them out, and he goes, “I don't feel great about this. It was helpful, but I don't know if it was helpful enough that we have to throw this in the garbage now.”And I was like: that's exactly how I feel. But I didn't get preachy. He was able to think about it himself.So even with values, we live them. If kids aren't agreeing with our values, sometimes we have to give space and pull back. When someone's pushing something on you, you often feel like not complying.Sarah: Yeah. It becomes a power struggle.And I do think there's a difference between pushing and educating. You can give them information in an age-appropriate way, and you can say, “You can buy that with your own money, but I don't want to support that, so I'm not going to.”Not in a way that makes them feel terrible. Just: “These are my values.”I've said this to my kids. Maxine was maybe 14 and said, “My phone's broken. I need a new phone.”I said, “What's wrong?” She said, “My music library keeps going away and I have to download it.”I started laughing and said, “That's not enough to get a new phone.” I said, “My values are we use electronics until they're broken. We don't get a new phone because of a little glitch.”You should see our minivan—it's scraped up and old-looking. Maxine actually said we're going somewhere with her boyfriend and his mom, and she said, “Can you please ask my boyfriend's mother to drive?”I said, “Why?” And she said, “Our car is so embarrassing.”And I'm like, “It works great. We drive our cars into the ground.” That's our family value.And then last year, Maxine's phone screen actually broke. She wanted a new phone, and I said, “My values—because of e-waste—are that I'd get it fixed if I were you. But I promise I won't judge you if you want a new phone. Do what feels right for you.”No guilt-tripping. And she chose to fix the screen instead of buying a new phone.So these are examples—like your hand warmers—where we can give the information without being heavy. And they usually absorb our values over time.Corey: Because it's not just that moment—it's hundreds of interactions.And that's actually empowering: you don't need one big conversation. You get to show them these little things throughout life.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Corey: I mean, if we're talking about phones, goodness gracious—how long have I needed a new phone?Sarah: I know. I've been wanting you to get a new phone so you can post Reels for me.Corey: They're like, “Corey, maybe you've taken this too far.” But I don't know—the modeling I've given my children is that you can make a dead phone last for two extra years.Sarah: And I like your point: it's all of these interactions over and over again.The opposite of what we're talking about is you can't tell your kids not to be materialistic if you go out and buy things you don't need. You can't tell them people are more important than phones if you're on your phone all the time.You really have to think about it. That's why that “Do as I say, not as I do” sometimes gets used—because it's hard. It's hard to be the person you want your kids to be.And it keeps us honest: who do we want to be? Who do we want them to be?Corey: I mean, it's that moment when I stood there holding the shovel and I was like, “Ah. I see.”So we can see this as a beautiful thing for our own growth, too, because we're going to keep realizing how much it matters.Caveat, though: I don't want parents to listen and feel pressure—like every moment they're being watched and they must be perfect.Because this is also a chance to model messing up and making repairs. So don't take this as: you have to be perfect.Sarah: And the other thing: if you're listening and you're like, “Why do I have to do everything around here? Sarah and Corey are saying clean up your kids' messes, carry things for them, do the chores…”I'm not saying every parent should be a martyr and never get help.Remember what I said: where can your kids help? What are they already doing? What could they choose?And I think I also let a lot of stuff go. My parents once came to visit and said, “Sarah, we really admire how you choose to spend time with your kids instead of cleaning up your house.”I was like, I think that was a backhanded compliment. And also them noticing it was kind of a mess.It wasn't terrible or dirty. It was just: I didn't have a perfect house, and I did everything myself.I did a lot myself, but I didn't do all the things some people think they need to do.Corey: That totally makes sense. You're basically saying: what can you let go of, too?Sarah: Yeah. For the sake of the relationship.And I think the last thing I wanted us to talk about is: does this ever not work?You and I were thinking about objections.If you're living this way—gracious, helpful, flexible, modeling who you want them to be—you're putting deposits in the Goodwill Bank. Your connection increases. They care what you think because that Goodwill Bank is nice and beefy.The only time you could say it wouldn't work is if you didn't have a good relationship. But if you're doing all this, it builds relationship—so I don't even think you can say, “This doesn't work.”Nobody's perfect. There were plenty of times I asked my kids to do things and they were grumpy, or I had to ask 10 times. It wasn't like, “Of course, Mom, let me empty the dishwasher.” They were normal kids. But in general, if you trust the process and maturation, your kids move in that direction.Corey: I'd add one other thing: it wouldn't work if this is all you're doing, with nothing else.Sometimes people think peaceful parenting is passive, and what we're saying can sound passive: “Just be who you want them to be.”But there are also times you need to do something. Like we said: if you're being the person you want to be and they're never helping, there's also a conversation: “What do you like to do?” There are collaborative steps.This is the big philosophy—embodying who you want them to be—but there are also practical supports and conversations that help them be successful.Sarah: Totally.And the last thing is: remember this happens over time. Trust the growth process and maturation and brain development.Remember that when they're little, their agenda is not your agenda. And as they get older, they start to see the benefits: “Oh yeah, it is nice when the living room's tidied up.”When they're little, they don't have the same agenda as you. That's a lot of why you get, “No, you do it.”And I actually can't believe I didn't say this earlier, but a lot of times when we're doing things for kids, they feel it as nurturing.So sometimes when they don't want to help, it's their way of saying, “I want to make sure you're taking care of me.” Sometimes that can look like refusal or not wanting to do things themselves.Corey: Yeah, absolutely.Sarah: Thanks, Corey.Corey: Thank you. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

Iris Chen在青少年拘留中心工作，这可能意味着她要准备好随时处理突发的危险情况，那么Iris 与被关押的青少年之间发生过一些什么故事？点击音频收听采访。

In this episode, we're sharing a conversation that Pam had with Iris Chen in 2018. At the time, Iris was new to unschooling her two sons in China and was writing blog posts about her experience at her website, Untigering. Pam and Iris talked about why she and her husband decided to move to China, […]

Send us a textIris Chen, author of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent, shares how she shifted from a strict, high-expectation parenting style to a trust-based approach.Raised in a Chinese-American household, Iris grew up with academic pressure and obedience as the norm. She carried those expectations into her own parenting—until she saw how control and punishment were harming her relationship with her children. A parenting workshop on neuroscience led her to rethink discipline, ultimately guiding her toward unschooling.This conversation looks at how tiger parenting is often rooted in intergenerational trauma, especially in immigrant communities where educational success is tied to security and acceptance. Instead of accepting these methods as “cultural,” Iris encourages parents to examine their origins and whether they truly serve their children today.

We're back with a brand new season featuring the wonderful Iris Chen from @untigering! Iris shares her personal experiences of transitioning from being a "tiger mother" to a parent who fosters connection, collaboration, and respect with her children.In this episode:- Defining Untigering: What does it mean to be a “deconstructing tiger mother”? Iris breaks down the concept of "untigering" and how it challenges the traditional authoritarian approach, especially within the Asian community.- Non-Coercive Parenting: Cara and Rythea ask Iris about parenting two teens- her journey with non-coercion, unschooling, and creating a family culture of connection.- From Authoritative to Collaborative Parent: Iris shares the pivotal moments that led to this shift and the changes she saw in her relationship with her children. She breaks down the results and positive impact of making this choice. Rythea and Cara chime in on the “A-ha” moments that brought them into this approach.- Biggest Blocks for Parents: Drawing from her coaching experience, Iris discusses the common challenges and mental blocks parents face when making the shift toward non-authoritarian parenting. She offers advice and insights on overcoming these obstacles.- Cultural Resistance: Iris takes a special focus on the Asian community's unique challenges with authoritarian parenting. She opens up about why it's hard for some families to let go of strict, obedience-focused methods, and how to create space for healing and transformation.- Unschooling and Its Purpose: Iris talks about her experience with unschooling and how it aligns with her values and mission to foster freedom, autonomy, and joy in learning for her children.Join us for an insightful conversation about parenting, culture, activism, and how we can build healthier relationships with our children by embracing connection over control.Tune in to hear how Iris's journey can inspire your own parenting transformation!Connect with Iris:Instagram: @untigeringhttps://untigering.comuntigering@gmail.com--It's important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

Iris Chen joins Annie Friday this week to share more about how choosing to unschool opened her up in surprising and radical ways to begin imagining the world without punitive, oppressive systems. Through her work as a parent educator, coach, and collaborator,  Iris helps others find connection and community as they bring more consciousness into their family life. While Iris' coaching is available to all, she has tailored some of her programming to meet the specific needs of Asian femmes who are working out a unique type of generational healing. These are humans who may have grown up with the stereotypical tiger parenting style first brought to public attention by Amy Chua in her book back in 2011. Iris, along with Yunzhe Zhou, will be presenting a new offering called Untiger Your Self so that others may find strength and connection as they un-tiger their self-knowledge, self-compassion, and self-advocacy in order to re-pattern ways of being in relationship with family.Learn more about Iris Chen and her work as an author, coach, and visionary on Instagram @Untigering or head to her website by the same name where you can find her books and more on her coaching services and workshops. Thanks for listening! Links Share a comment or ask a questionSupport the show (and save 10%) when you shop early learning trainings at Explorations Early LearningVisit the show archives to browse and search all episodesMore AnnieMore CandisVisit Blue Bridge School's website or Instagram

On this re-run of the Yellow Chair Podcast, Helen talks to author & Founder of 'Untigering', Iris Chen discusses removing coercive strategies from parenting and the power of empathy and communication. Writing became a part of her healing process in learning to raise a highly sensitive child while learning to navigate her own emotions. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 02:46 Parenting as a form of self-compassion and growth. 06:00 Unrealistic expectations and coercive punishments in parenting. 08:27 Personal healing led to reevaluating parenting methods. 12:40 Mutual responsibility, personal power, community, healing patterns. 15:11 Moving to China gave us intentional community 22:02 Understanding needs under behavior for effective parenting. 27:27 Healing through writing, compassion for parents. 31:49 Raising a highly sensitive child 37:02 Appreciating and accepting our parents' imperfections. 40:05 Allowing ourselves to be imperfect, compassionate humans. 43:42 Practice without goals; focus on intention. 49:27 Learning to attune to oneself is key. Follow Iris Chen- Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/untigering/?hl=en⁠ Blog: ⁠https://untigering.com/Buy ⁠ Untigering Book:⁠ https://untigering.com/untigering-peaceful-parenting-for-the-deconstructing-tiger-parent/⁠ Connect with Iris: ⁠https://msha.ke/untigering⁠ Follow Yellow Chair: Links to all: ⁠⁠https://yellowchaircollective.carrd.co/⁠⁠

In today's episode, we are celebrating Mother's Day and Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month with a very special guest, Iris Chen! Iris shares about her life and parenting journey and how changes in her experience of God's love directed her toward a new movement and the release of her eye-opening book, Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent.    Learn more about Iris on her site (https://untigering.com/) and grab a copy of her incredible book (https://a.co/d/4thE57v)!    Don't forget—you can support Calling Water via Venmo (@arumdaunchurch).

​2 sisters are taking to the keys for the Fredericton Music Festival​.​ CBC's Prapti Bamaniya caught up with Fifi and Iris Chen​ to see how practice has been going for today's performance.

Power to the kids! Unlock your child's potential by embracing the power of unschooling and nurturing autonomy from an early age! This week, we are chatting with Iris Chen about giving kids more power and the transformative journey from authoritarian parenting to unschooling. Iris shares her personal journey from tiger parenting to embracing unschooling, emphasizing the importance of respecting children's autonomy and fostering power-sharing relationships. Iris explains how unschooling allows children to pursue their interests freely, leading to a more enriching learning experience. She highlights the shift from controlling to supporting children, encouraging parents to trust their children's ability to learn and grow. Iris also discusses the challenges and rewards of unschooling, offering valuable insights into creating a nurturing environment where both parents and children thrive. Tune in for a thought-provoking conversation on redefining parenting paradigms and empowering children to lead fulfilling lives. Resources We Shared: Learn more about Iris and her work here Happy Mom Summit A FREE online virtual event that brings you expert-led sessions, and a thriving community of like-minded moms ready to kick the guilt while raising respectful and responsible kids. The summit will be held live from March 4th to March 8th, 2024. Join our newsletter! Get connected to No Guilt Mom and get our Stop Doing Checklist absolutely FREE, so you can make a plan on what you can cut back on.  Visit No Guilt Mom Rate & Review the No Guilt Mom Podcast on Apple here. We'd love to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Listen on Spotify? You can rate us there too! Check out our favorite deals from our sponsors here! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever found yourself questioning if your parenting style aligns with your values? In this episode, we dive deep into "tiger" parenting with Iris Chen as she shares her journey of breaking free from traditional Asian parenting norms. Welcome to The Dad Central Show, where our mission is to equip you with the tools to raise confident and successful kids. In our first episode of our third season, we've got the incredible Iris Chen! Iris gets honest about the painful struggles of her early parenting approach that repeated the patterns of her parents, but just weren't working.  Here are a few key takeaways from this great episode: 1. Embracing Change and Cultural Shifting Have the courage to challenge existing cultural norms and find a community aligned with your values. Be a disruptor and break cycles to improve and create a new, healthier culture. 2. Redefining Success and Authenticity Be authentic and redefine success based on your personal values and passions. Embrace self-work and vulnerability to ensure alignment with who you truly are. 3. Compassionate and Respectful Parenting Acknowledge the impact of your upbringing and heal past parenting experiences. Foster a compassionate and understanding approach to parenting, focusing on respect over control and manipulation. Now, here's the thing – it's crucial to apply these insights to your dad journey. If you're finding yourself frustrated, your kids aren't listening, or what your dad did for you isn't creating the same results for your kids, then it's time to take action. Begin by redefining success and embracing authenticity. Be open to cultural shifts and challenge the norms for the well-being of your kids. You've got this, dads! We appreciate you tuning in and hope this episode has sparked something within you. If you found these insights valuable, we'd love for you to review, like, and share the episode. Your support means the world to us. As Iris Chen puts it, "Have the courage to choose a different culture if the existing one doesn't align with your values." Let's lead the change, dads! About Iris Chen Iris Chen is a Chinese American author, unschooling mom, and deconstructing tiger parent to two teenage boys. She started out as an authoritarian parent whose goal was to raise obedient and high-achieving children. When her attempts to control them only led to constant conflict and frustration, she knew something had to change… and it wasn't her children! From then on she began a journey of healing and shifting away from using power over her children to sharing power with them.  Now as a peaceful parenting advocate, intersectional unschooler, and certified parent coach, her hope is to encourage and support you to do the same. Links: Website: https://untigering.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/untigering/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/untigering LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/iris-chen-8583751b9/ About The Dad Central Show Dads love to see their kids grow into confident and successful adults. The problem is most dads feel unsure how to get there and have nowhere to turn for help. The Dad Central Show coaches you to be your best, while bringing out the best in your family. Links for Dad Central: Website: https://dadcentral.ca The Dad Central Show: https://dadcentral.ca/podcast/ Facebook: https://facebook.com/dadcentral Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs2HyxB9nOLxyHvBMSo4TQQ Contact us at podcast@dadcentral.ca The Dad Central Show is sponsored by Dove Men+Care. Dove Men+Care believes care is the best of a man, because when men care for themselves and others, there is a positive impact. Two more great ways Dad Central helps: FREE FATHERHOOD FUNDAMENTALS EMAIL COURSE: Learn how to lead your family effectively, master time management to balance your responsibilities, and maintain a positive outlook. Enroll now: https://dadcentral.ca/fatherhood-fundamentals/ DADMENTOR MEMBERSHIP: DadMentor is the ultimate solution tailored to address the challenges dads commonly face. Join now and get a step-by-step plan, proven tools, and a community of like-minded dads who want to be a great dads: https://dadcentral.ca/dads/  7 STEP GUIDE TO STOP YELLING: Our guide is based on extensive research and experience working with parents just like you. We'll guide you through each step, offering practical tips, strategies, and exercises to help you understand your triggers, improve your communication skills, and foster a more harmonious relationship with your children, ultimately becoming a more confident and effective dad: https://dadcentral.ca/7-step-guide-to-stop-yelling/ 

A clip from our podcast episode with writer and founder of Untigering, Iris Chen. Iris shares a powerful story about her child biting other children at preschool, she emphasizes how validating her child's emotions and understanding their needs led to pro-social strategies to navigate stress and anxiety. She reminds us that behaviors are signals of underlying needs, and by meeting those needs, the behaviors tend to resolve themselves. Watch full episode here: https://youtu.be/QZ-D6wgV67o Follow Iris Chen Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/untigering/?hl=en Blog: https://untigering.com/ Buy Untigering Book: https://untigering.com/untigering-⁠peaceful-parenting-for-the-deconstructing-tiger-parent/ Connect with Iris: https://msha.ke/untigering Follow Yellow Chair: Links to all: ⁠https://yellowchaircollective.carrd.co/⁠

On this episode of Yellow Chair Collective: The Podcast, author and Founder of 'Untigering', Iris Chen discusses removing coercive strategies from parenting and the power of empathy and communication. Writing became a part of her healing process in learning to raise a highly sensitive child while learning to navigate her own emotions. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 02:46 Parenting as a form of self-compassion and growth. 06:00 Unrealistic expectations and coercive punishments in parenting. 08:27 Personal healing led to reevaluating parenting methods. 12:40 Mutual responsibility, personal power, community, healing patterns. 15:11 Moving to China gave us intentional community 22:02 Understanding needs under behavior for effective parenting. 27:27 Healing through writing, compassion for parents. 31:49 Raising a highly sensitive child 37:02 Appreciating and accepting our parents' imperfections. 40:05 Allowing ourselves to be imperfect, compassionate humans. 43:42 Practice without goals; focus on intention. 49:27 Learning to attune to oneself is key. Follow Iris Chen- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/untigering/?hl=en Blog: https://untigering.com/Buy Untigering Book: https://untigering.com/untigering-peaceful-parenting-for-the-deconstructing-tiger-parent/ Connect with Iris: https://msha.ke/untigering Follow Yellow Chair: Links to all: ⁠https://yellowchaircollective.carrd.co/⁠

Fran chats to Iris Chen, author of the book Untigering, writer, and unschooled. They chat about building consent-based relationships with our children and our family members, creating a family culture, and cultural expectations and how we navigate them. They also speak about doing the inner work of parenting our children without coercion and domination, about unschooling and how to break free from dogma, and how you don't have to be the perfect parenting or excel at unschooling! (in fact both of those things comes from schoolishness!). A bit about Iris: Iris Chen is an author, intersectional unschooler, and founder of the Untigering movement. After recognizing the negative effects of authoritarian tiger parenting in her own life, she now empowers others to untiger by advocating for peaceful parenting, self-directed learning, mental health, and decolonization. Her mission is to inspire generational and cultural transformation, especially among Asian communities. She spent 16 years living overseas in China but now resides in her native California with her husband and two sons. You can read more about her adventures in her book Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent and on her blog at untigering.com Find Iris on instagram @untigering and on Facebook @untigering --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/consentbasedeverything/message

On this episode of The Fresh Start Family Show, we are taking a closer look at one culture's form of hand-me-down autocratic parenting: Tiger Parenting. It's a parenting style that stresses success and achievement at any cost so that the child fulfills the parent's definition of "good enough".  Wendy is joined by her Asian-American cousin, Midori, to chat with today's guest Iris Chen about growing up in Tiger Parenting families. Iris is the author of the book Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent, and the founder of the Untigering Movement. Her mission is to inspire generational and cultural transformation, especially among Asian communities. There's no question that we love our kids, AND there are many things we do as parents that are born out of the idea that parents need to be in control of their children by any means necessary and define what success should look like for them. This episode lays the groundwork for rethinking the cultural influences many parents adhere to in parenting vs what we are at choice to do.  Tune in to learn 3 Ways to Solidify Unconditional Love in Your Home & Parenting (& why it works so well to help kids behave better!)  1. Focus on connection over correction (talk about how mistakes are opportunities to learn & don't require us to be so harsh on our kids)  2. Mentor your children on how to be happy & healthy vs. drive performance (take a break from making your child "do their best / do more / be better / etc.)  3. Let go of image striving (appearing we or our kids have it all together - we are raising humans, not robots & we all have messy moments / imperfections).  For links & more info about everything discussed in this episode, head to www.freshstartfamilyonline.com/159. It's time to join The Fresh Start Experience! Head to www.freshstartfamilyonline.com/joinnow for all the details! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Who's ready for some peace in your parenting world? Liza's guest is Iris Chen, author of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. Iris Chen is a peaceful parenting advocate, unschooler, and founder of the Untigering movement. She started out as an authoritarian tiger mom whose goal was to raise obedient and high-achieving children. When her attempts to control and mold them only led to constant tantrums and never-ending conflict, she knew something needed to change… and it wasn't her children. Through her writing and speaking, Iris now shares her journey of healing and shifting from power-over to power-with in her relationship with her children. Her mission is to inspire and support others to make the shift, especially among Asian communities.In this episode, Liza and Iris unpack the healing benefits of Peaceful Parenting, Unschooling and the transformational process involved in healing ourselves through our parenting journeys. Untigering is a movement that strengthens the foundation of families today. Whether your family is healing or seeking more space, more connection, more empowerment, listen to this inspiring episode and very happy story.Connect with Liza's guest, Iris Chenuntigering@gmail.comwww.untigering.comhttps://www.facebook.com/untigeringhttps://www.instagram.com/untigering/https://twitter.com/untigeringConnect with Liza Online:Liza's Personal and Group Coaching - https://www.veryhappystories.com/workLiza on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lizasveryhappystories/Liza on FaceBook - https://www.facebook.com/veryhappystorieswithLizaBlas/Subscribe to Liza's Newsletter – www.veryhappystories.comGrateful for our sponsor - Green Valley NutritionHave you heard of all-natural CBD products by Green Valley Nutrition? This company was founded by an entrepreneur who overcame PANDAS. Get 20% off. Click the link below and use the code VERYHAPPY.https://greenvalleynutrition.com/Very Happy Stories is Partners with the LymeLight FoundationThe LymeLight Foundation is a charitable partner in the Lyme community that provides grants to enable eligible children and young adults with Lyme disease to receive proper treatment and medication as well as raising awareness about Lyme disease. LymeLight has awarded grants totaling over $7.7M to more than 1,000 individuals in 49 states. To donate directly toward LymeLight grants which help those struggling to receive treatment > click here to DONATE. To learn more about treatment grants > click here for GRANTSSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode Annie and Candis talk Childism and Adultism in parenting, society, and SDE environments with special guest Iris Chen of Untigering. What is adultism? How does it present in society? And how can we support our children through adultist situations?

Iris Chen is a recovering Tiger mother and founder of the Untigering movement. In her book Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent, she shares her journey and reflections on shifting away from parenting rooted in power to parenting grounded in partnership. She's an American-Born Chinese who ended up with kids who are Chinese-born Americans.  She's a peaceful parenting advocate, intersectional unschooler, anti-oppression activist, and deconstructing Tiger Mom. In this episode, Iris shares how a workshop about brain science began a long journey to deconstructing everything she thought she knew about parenting, school, and even religion.She began to move away from Tiger parenting which is based in control, which was the way she was raised and the culture she was surrounded by and began a process of re-parenting herself.  She shows gratitude for her strong-willed firstborn, resisting her control and pushing her to learn and grow and find another path. She speaks to the regret of not learning it sooner, and how she was able to share her journey so publicly in her book without shame. We also dive into a deeper conversation into her shift from getting all the accolades and awards and formal schooling to finding and loving unschooling as a family. So wherever you're at in your reckoning or movement towards more positive discipline approaches, I know that you'll be able to find gems in this episode that will keep you going for years to come. We covered...how parenting and re-parenting are interconnectedwhy she recommends you "Aim to Fail"how suffering from "good child syndrome" affected her growing upwhat "a day in the life" of unschooling looks likehow there's truly no guarantees with any education approach// CONNECT WITH IRIS CHEN //IG: @untigeringUntigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent book https://untigering.com/// FREE BRAND NEW MASTERCLASS // www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/unapologetic*FREE* EXTREME MAKEOVER: PATIENCE EDITIONwww.parentingwholeheartedly.com/patience*FREE* CALM BIG EMOTIONS GUIDEwww.parentingwholeheartedly.com/emotions*FREE* CHAOS TO CALM MASTERCLASSwww.parentingwholeheartedly.com/masterclass// SCHEDULE YOUR FREE CONSULTATION //wholeheartedly.as.me/callI believe in you & I'm cheering you on.Come say hi!  I'm @parent_wholeheartedly on Insta.Subscribe in Apple Podcasts, Write a Review & Share with a friend!// Brand New FREE Masterclass: Authentic + Unapologetic //REGISTER: www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/unapologeticSupport the show

1.27 in this episode Meghan is speaking with Iris Chen, mother, unschooler, blogger and published author of the book Untigering. they discuss her journey to unschooling, tiger parenting and what it is, cultural overlap, and the emergent practice of self-directed learning while healing form family sounds and seeking co-liberation for all people. Where to find Iris- Untigering.com Untigering@gmail.com @untigering Podcast mentions- Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (Amy Chua) https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/308361/battle-hymn-of-the-tiger-mother-by-amy-chua/ All things from Akilah Richards can be found here https://raisingfreepeople.com Alliance for Self-Directed Learning https://www.self-directed.org Lucy Aitkenread's YouTube - Life Without School https://m.youtube.com/c/LucyatLifeWithoutSchool/videos Pam Laricchia's Podcast - Exploring Unschooling https://livingjoyfully.ca/podcast-2/ Venmo Piggy Bank @iamsilenth

My guest today is Iris Chen, author of the wonderful book, Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. Iris and her husband have two boys, who are 12 and 14, and in the book Iris charts her journey from strict, perfectionist mother to advocate of peaceful parenting and unschooling. Iris is Chinese American, as is her husband, so her book addresses the cultural conditioning that she had to shed in order to parent in a way that felt truly coherent to her. Among other things, we talk about how we can go about untangling all our own conditioning, how to hold ourselves with compassion as we do the work, and the healing that naturally arises from the work. I hope you enjoy the conversation,You can find out more about Iris' work at https://untigering.comIris' book is available on Amazon. 

Untigering, Unschooling & Deconstructing Success Iris Chen is an author, unschooling mom, deconstructing tiger parent, and founder of the Untigering movement. She joins me on this episode to talk about their unschooling journey, Tiger Moms, Untigering, and Deconstructing Success and Expectations. We Explored... "Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it." Maya Angelou Iris describes herself as a deconstructing, recovering Tiger Parent. The process of Untigering and Deschooling has been a gradual change. In this episode we explored: The definition of a Tiger Mom Achievement, Expectations, Trauma and Tiger Parenting Why she is Untigering Unschooling and deschooling Children of Immigrant Parents- Finding compassion, empathy, truth and seeking to do better Fear and Scarcity Mindset in Parenting Success and Decolonizing our ideas of success How we can sit back a little, observe, support, encourage and allow our kids to figure things out for themselves Unschooling and Boundaries Burnout and Deschooling The importance of community Resources and Community Iris offers wonderful resources and community support for parents that are on the journey of deschooling, deconstructing and decolonizing. Check out: Untigering Book Untigering Website Facebook Facebook Group Instagram Membership Mentioned in the episode- Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mom If you are looking for more support in your homeschool journey- I've also got you! Check out my Patreon Community where I offer monthly Live Q&A on all your homeschool, unschool and self directed learning questions. For the summer of 2022- this live support is open to ALL Patron levels. You also have access to my downloads, special videos, insights and interviews with my family! https://www.patreon.com/honeyimhomeschoolingthekids Honey! I'm Homeschooling Club on Clubhouse App offer free weekly discussion groups and support. Follow me on Instagram If you enjoyed this episode, check out my interview with Akilah S Richards~Educational Freedom See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this very special episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, I have compiled a list of advice former podcast guests have shared about what they would say to their younger parent selves.   I know you will find this episode so inspiring. I've created a cheat sheet that you can download for free with all of my guests' expert advice for you to reference. You can get it here: www.sarahrosensweet.com/guestexpertadvice. We go into: [3:30] Dr. Laura Markham's advice [5:05] Ned Johnson's advice [7:30] Yolanda Williams' advice [9:31] Dayna Abraham's advice [10:55] Leslie Priscilla's advice [12:21] Dr. Sharon Saline's advice [13:50] Mr. Chazz's advice [15:50] Kristy Forbes' advice [17:35] Eve Rodsky's advice [19:30] Teacher Tom's advice [22:10] Iris Chen's advice [23:45] Lynn Lyons' advice [26:10] Julie Lythcott-Haims' advice [30:45] Janine Halloran's advice [33:00] Dr. Mona's advice [34:50] My advice to my younger self Resources mentioned in this episode Episode 2: When Your Child Refuses with Dr. Laura Markham Episode 8: Raising A Self-Driven Child with Ned Johnson Episode 14: Decolonizing Parenting and Raising Anti-Racist Children with Yolanda Williams Episode 17: Sensory Processing Challenges/Disorder with Dayna Abraham Episode 20: Reparenting Ourselves: Being the Parents We Want To Be with Leslie Priscilla Episode 22: Understanding ADHD with Dr. Sharon Saline Episode 25: Seeing, Guiding and Trusting our Kids with Mr. Chazz Episode 27: Understanding Autism with Kristy Forbes Episode 30: Find Your Unicorn Space with Eve Rodsky Episode 31: Play-Based Learning with Teacher Tom Episode 34: Untigering: Moving From Coercion to Compassion with Iris Chen Episode 35: Three Skills to Protect Our Kids' Mental Health with Lynn Lyons Episode 37: Your Turn: How to Be An Adult with Julie Lythcott-Haims Episode 41: Healthy Coping Strategies for Kids with Janine Halloran Episode 42: Brain-Body Parenting with Dr. Mona Delahooke   Books Authored by Our Guests Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Marham  Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings by Dr. Laura Markham  What Do You Say with Ned Johnson and William Stixrud  Find Your Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky  Purchase: Fair Play by Eve Rodsky  Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent by Iris Chen Anxious Kids Anxious Parents by Lynn Lyons  How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims  Real American: A Memoir by Julie Lythcott-Haims Your Turn: How to Be An Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims  Brain-Body Parenting by Dr. Mona Delahooke    Connect with Sarah Rosensweet   On Instagram On Facebook https://www.sarahrosensweet.com  Book a short consult or coaching session call

Stephanie Foo has written a raw and detailed first-person account of her trauma recovery journey, titled What My Bones Know. We delve into the roadmap of her recovery, discuss what's right and what's wrong with current notions of mental health treatments, and more! Show Notes: 01:04 - Stephanie's book What My Bones Know. 04:33 - The process of how the book was written. 05:35 - Dealing with the distorted view of self that comes with complex trauma. 06:35 - The unconventional therapy of Dr. Ham. 08:45 - What needs to be changed with conventional therapy. 09:25 - The responses to What My Bones Know. 10:37 - Trauma is trauma is trauma. 13:18 - The way we think of mental health absolutely has to change. 17:46 - The promotion of culturally-insensitive psychotherapy 18:27 - Talking about Iris Chen's book Untigering. 19:51 - Companies say they want to promote a work/life balance, but your boss never takes anything off your plate. 21:58 - Dr. Greg Siegle and BADASS. 24:54 - Complex PTSD and the pandemic. 27:27 - Feel your feelings. 30:34 - Dealing with The Hulk. 32:50 - Talking about hope and agency. 36:07 - Stephanie's advice for parents dealing with complex trauma. #complextrauma #complexPTSD #StephanieFoo #whatmybonesknow #trauma #culturallysensitive #untigering #survivingthepandemic #theincrediblehulk --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/sandwich-parenting/message

"A lot of untigering is about turning inward." - Iris Chen What can we undo versus do? That is what we are exploring today: the power of undoing. It takes a lot to shift culture and break generational cycles, so to help me explore this topic is Iris Chen, a self-described recovering tiger mother, the founder of the "untigering" movement, and author of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. After seeing the negative effects of authoritarian parenting and unhealthy cultural expectations in her own life, she decided to dedicate herself to promoting mental health, peaceful parenting, and self-directed learning. In today's show, we talk about the undoing process that must occur for us to truly step into our power of The Only and we explain why this message resonates with both parents and non-parents alike. "Looking back, I felt like I didn't have a voice as a child." - Iris Chen Listen in to learn how to reevaluate your relationship with your children and your parents and how to unlearn patterns you picked up in your childhood.  We also talk about Iris' early use of success and achievement as coping mechanisms, how to move past perfectionism, and ways to create moments of intergenerational healing in your own family. “Look beyond the behavior to see all behavior as communication.” - Iris Chen Show Notes: What is untigering Negative effects of tiger parenting Unlearning negative patterns from childhood Setting healthy expectations for children Seeing bad behavior as communication Harnessing the power of the only Reevaluating your relationship with your children Achievement as a coping mechanism Healing intergenerational trauma Respecting your parents' journey "My whole thing is about investing in my family and slowing down and doing what feels right." - Iris Chen 3 Pieces of Advice or Action Steps: Cultivate a solid sense of self Live in alignment Give yourself plenty of grace and compassion Brand and Resource Mentions: Watch The Home Edit Get your copy of Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour Ph.D. Get your copy of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent by Iris Chen Connect with Iris Chen: LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook | Untigering Thanks for being a part of this bold and powerful conversation on The Power of The Only! If you would like a free copy of The Power Of The Only principles and a Clarity and Vision worksheet to help apply them in your business and life click here to get access. Whether you feel like the only one in your company, industry, or community or the only woman in the room, we're here to support you in stepping up, speaking up through power, presence, and representation, and to make an impact in your personal and professional life. Want even more insider tips, resources, and training  to help you own your voice and power and step into your leadership.  Join me in my free, invite-only  YOU, Amplified!™ community! You can also join the conversation on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Twitter. Learn more about this episode of The Power of The Only with Angela Chee at www.angelachee.com/62

On this PEACE TALKS RADIO episode, correspondent Sen Zhan explores three perspectives on the nature of intercultural conflict in transcultural Asian immigrants in western countries. When East meets West in the modern-day, it's not only cultures that can clash, it's also the past crashing into the present. Asians who have been formed by both cultures know this very well, and are one group among many who navigate the conflicts of transcultural existence. We'll hear from Chinese-Canadian psychiatrist, Dr. Julian Xue, Chinese-American author Iris Chen, and Chinese-Canadian trauma recovery coach Sherry Yuan Hunter.

The month of May is Asian-American Pacific Islander month, but for those of us who might not see ourselves in these adjectives, I thought we could expand the description to TCA month - Third Culture Asian month!So, for Third Culture Asian month, I'd like to share with you 3 back-to-back episodes that together frame the topic of the healing of intercultural and intergenerational conflict in the global asian diaspora community. On the second of this 3-part series, we'll hear from Iris Chen, Chinese-American author of the book “Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent”, and the different approach that she takes to parenting, and how some traditional Asian values can be better understood from a more holistic perspective. *To learn about the Untigering movement, and to read Iris' book, go to untigering.com*To support this show as a patron, go topatreon.com/beyondasian.com*To leave me a voice message about this episode, go to speakpipe.com/beyondasian

On this PEACE TALKS RADIO episode, correspondent Sen Zhan explores three perspectives on the nature of intercultural conflict in transcultural Asian immigrants in western countries. When East meets West in the modern-day, it's not only cultures that can clash, it's also the past crashing into the present. Asians who have been formed by both cultures know this very well, and are one group among many who navigate the conflicts of transcultural existence. We'll hear from Chinese-Canadian psychiatrist, Dr. Julian Xue, Chinese-American author Iris Chen, and Chinese-Canadian trauma recovery coach Sherry Yuan Hunter.

When Iris Chen saw her own childhood experiences with Tiger parenting repeating with her own children, she knew she needed a complete mental and emotional shift.  Tiger parenting refers to an approach to parenting that is common in immigrant Asian families, specifically Chinese families. It involves very strict and controlled parenting, with high academic expectations. The term was originally started by Yale Law School professor Amy Chua in her 2011 memoir ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother'.   Iris experienced tiger-parenting in her own childhood and realized that she was still dealing with the trauma from it, and inevitably projecting that onto her own children. Iris shares: “I learned how to respect my children, how to share power with them, and treat them with dignity. All of that spilled over into how I saw myself in empowering them in their education, which follows all these peaceful parenting principles of autonomy, consent, and respect. So I felt like unschooling was definitely just a natural result of practicing peaceful parenting with my children.”  This episode explores more of Iris's thoughts on the Un-tigering movement, education, parenting, and unschooling. Happy listening and happy learning! Let's keep the inspiring discussion going! Discover our events, articles, and more with these links:InspirEd MagazineInspirEd EventsJoin our mailing listYou Tube

Iris Chen is a recovering tiger mother and author of "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent." Iris is the founder of the Untigering movement, which emphasizes shifting away from parenting that is rooted in power to parenting that is grounded in partnership. In this episode, Margaret, Amy, and Iris discuss: Navigating parenting at the intersection of American and Chinese identities The turning point for Iris when she decided to "untiger" How we all can practice peaceful parenting in our daily lives Here's where you can find Iris on social media: https://untigering.com/ Facebook: @untigering Instagram: @untigering Twitter: @untigeringmom #untigering And her book is available here! Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Beam's Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box! Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing. Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts! KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD. Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you're instantly approved. Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com. Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH. Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order. Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more. Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing. Renzo's Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off. StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell. Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we have the pleasure of chatting with Iris Chen, a deconstructing tiger mom, unschooling partner, youth advocate, liberation activist and writer of the book Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. Iris shares about how unschooling is deep social justice work, her family's journey in transitioning to unschooling and how she has shifted from authoritarian to more peaceful parenting. By the end of this episode we hope you will feel as pumped up as we do about your own role in this larger liberation movement!

Many Asian parents were called tiger parents. They have high authority in their families which causes a lot of pain and struggles between their children and them. In this episode, Iris Chen, the author of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent shared her story and insights on how she practices peaceful parenting that helped her have better communication and connection with her children. Learn more about Iris Chen & her work at: https://untigering.com/ https://www.facebook.com/untigering https://www.instagram.com/untigering/ https://ko-fi.com/untigering

Today we got to sit down with Iris Chen, of the wildly popular website and social media account known as “Untigering.” Iris also recently authored a fantastic book by the same name. Iris is an American Born Chinese who ended up raising kids who are Chinese born Americans. She considers herself a deconstructing tiger mother who is doing her best to become a gentle parent. As she learned to honor her children's individuality and autonomy, she felt it no longer made sense to subject them to a system that wouldn't do the same. Iris began to trust in her children's innate ability and motivation to learn, and found she no longer believed in a compulsory education that forced children to learn according to arbitrary adult standards. Iris practices unschooling with her children and has a second book by that name coming out soon. Today's discussion covers these topics: Reparenting and how becoming a parent can be a portal for our own healing Tiger moms and what the Untigering movement is How culture plays a role in parenting The need to do less “reading” and “research” and focus a bit more on our intuition as parents How resentment can impact the parent-child relationship The need for awareness and being proactive when it comes to our own personal boundaries as a parent Viewing gentle parenting as a practice, as opposed to something we have to get exactly right How adult expectations may impede our relationship with our child Unschooling: what it is, what it could look like in practice, and why you may want to consider it Untigering: Adventures of a Deconstructing Tiger Mother Untigering Book - Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent Iris is reading: Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan Iris is watching: The After Party, Severance HER Health Collective HER Circle --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/herhealthcollective/support

Join Angela Harders as she has a conversation with Iris Chen. Iris is The founder of the Untigering movement and the author of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. After starting out as a hard-core tiger mother, she began to untiger when she saw the negative effects of authoritarian parenting in her own family. Now she's on a mission to empower others to practice peaceful parenting and unschooling, especially among Asian communities. 2:37 - Can you share a little about you, your family, and your story? 4:35 - How did you discover gentle parenting? 7:50 - How do you parent without punishment? 9:50 - How can rewards cause harm? 17:50 - What was the transition to gentle parenting like for your children? 22:07 - How do you come back to being a gentle parent after messing up? 27:10 - How do you handle when your children are angry or sad? 34:26 - How do you cultivate a gentle parenting community? 36:07 - Can you tell us more about the Untigering Community? 37:50 - What would you say to someone who says that your children are not expecting your authority? 45:45 - How did gentle parenting inform your decision to pursue unschooling for your child's education? 49:08 - Did you have any fears or concerns about unschooling when you first started? 51:50 - Are there things that you wish you would have done differently in your unschooling journey? 54:44 - What does a self-directed learning facility look like? 57:30 - What are your children interested in now? 1:05:38 - What would be one piece of advice that you would give to someone considering gentle parenting and unschooling? 1:07:22 - How can someone connect with you? ***CONNECT WITH IRIS*** Website: https://untigering.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/untigering Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/untigering/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/untigeringmom Membership: https://ko-fi.com/untigering/tiers ***RECOMMENDED RESOURCES*** Book: Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn Book: Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent by Iris Chen Book: Tales of a Toxic Teacher by Angela Harders Self-Directed Learning Center in Los Angeles: Alcove Learning alcovelearning.org

Candis and Annie discuss the motivations to walk away from the school system and begin to work toward something new. This work begins with deschooling, the ongoing deprogramming process to shed the expectations and beliefs internalized through being part of the school system. As we set out on this experience of letting go of our schoolish ways, we share the raw and vulnerable steps we'll encounter along the way. We mention many of the wise guides who have already helped us along the way. Here are some of them along with their Instagram accounts: Dr. Rema @drrema; Akilah Richards @fareofthefreechild; Iris Chen @untigering; Maleka Diggs @eclecticlearningnetwork; Fran Liberatore @bigmothering; Agile Learning Center @alc_network.

How do we navigate moving away from punitive parenting to peaceful parenting if we have only ever known that one parenting style?   My guest is Iris Chen, the founder of the Untigering movement and author of "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent."    We talk about how to undo the shame and negative thoughts that can come with transitioning from punitive parenting to peaceful parenting, giving ourselves grace, and repairing the relationship with our kids.   We go into: The definition of Tiger Parenting Iris' transition from Tiger Parenting when she realized it wasn't working with her kids How Iris was able to find and give herself genuine compassion for how she parented before discovering peaceful parenting The three big ideas around Adultism  Why family meetings are important and best practices for incorporating this into your own family team As a peaceful parenting advocate, unschooler, and deconstructing tiger mom, her mission is to inspire generational and cultural transformation, especially among Asian communities. She spent 16 years living overseas in China (land of the tiger parent!) but now resides in her native California with her husband and two sons.   Resources mentioned in this episode Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent by Iris Chen   Connect with Iris On Instagram On Twitter On LinkedIn Facebook https://untigering.com/     Connect with Sarah Rosensweet   On Instagram On Facebook https://www.sarahrosensweet.com  Book a short consult or coaching session call

a iris vem de uma família conservadora, e mesmo sem o apoio deles, busca manter seu espírito alto e usar de sua determinação e sensibilidade para expressar a espontaneidade e imperfeição através de suas jóias. Em um papo bem vulnerável ela revela as dificuldades e etapas que está vencendo nesta sua caminhada como artista. quer continuar essa conversa? Dúvidas, questões, feedbacks e sugestões são mais do que bem-vindas. Para isso, você pode enviar um e-mail para profissaoartista@kaju.space ou entrar em contato comigo, pelo instagram. Sou a @bykaju e, neste episódio a conversa foi com a @icgemologist

Iris Chen, author of Untigering and mother of two, returns to the podcast this week to share what their unschooling lives look like right now and talk about her book. Iris talks about her family's experience with a self-directed learning center and the path her sons took to make the choice to attend one. We […]

This is the third episode in our "How We Homeschool" series. We're talking with different homeschool parents all season to hear about their philosophies, insights, and experiences.    Iris Chen is our guest this week, and we couldn't be more excited! You might be familiar with Iris's work on Instagram account @untigering and her book Untigering (which we LOVED). We talk with Iris about healing and shifting away from authoritarian parenting toward more collaborative, peaceful parenting and how that impacts her parenting ideology and practices. Iris shares about unschooling, finding community, and the routines that are working for her and her kids. Find Iris on Instagram, Facebook, on her website, and order her book Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent here.   This episode is sponsored by Elephants and Algebra. Elephants and Algebra offers one-on-one K-12 math tutoring that meets your child where they are. http://elephantsandalgebra.com/   Aha Moment “It's ok to not plan.” -Maren     Newsletter Let's stay in touch, even when our favorite social media platforms crash. Plus, you get a FREEBIE from us when you subscribe! homeschoolunrefined.com/newsletter   Want more episodes? Join our $5 Squad on Patreon to get an extra episode every week. Every month, you'll get 2 Listener Q&P (Question & Process) Episodes, an LTW Extra episode, and a monthly check-in where we get real about what's going well, what's hard right now, and what we're doing for self-care. You'll also get plugged into our community of like-minded parents for support, encouragement, and fun!   Loving This Week (LTW) Angela: Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement Maren: Windex Outdoor Window Cleaner   Patrons get a monthly "LTW Extra" episode when you join our $5 Squad. A chat about the shows, products, podcasts, books, and more that we're loving!    More About Homeschool Unrefined We are an inclusive and nonsectarian podcast. We believe Black Lives Matter, and we are LGBTQ+ affirming (for more, read our piece on Romper). We are listener supported and are donating 10% of all Patreon income and product sales to The Conscious Kid, a Black and Brown-led organization that has been instrumental in our own evolution and in leading the way in both ideological and tangible change with their work in “parenting and education through a critical race lens." Read our full ABAR Statement here and on Instagram.   Connect with us!  Visit our website | Sign up for our newsletter. | Support us on Patreon. | Merch Shop | bookshop.org Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Youtube Angela on Instagram: @unrefinedangela | Maren on Instagram: @unrefinedmaren Email us any questions or feedback at homeschoolunrefined@gmail.com

Did you grow up under an authoritarian parenting style and do you want to try something different with your kids? Or perhaps you want your children to have more confidence in their decision making skills, be independent thinkers and self driven? If any of those ideas resonate, listen in on my conversation with Iris Chen, founder of the Untigering movement and author of Untigering, Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. In addition to being an Untigerer, Iris is also an advocate for unschooling -- homeschooling that's completely student led and non-coercive -- the epitome of Untigering. In Part 1 we talk about unschooling definitions and impacts on happiness, Iris' family's unschooling journey, and what a typical day of unschooling looks like. In Part 2 we talk about whether Iris has expectations of her kids' career choices, how to instrinsically motivate your kids, and how to apply an unschooling mindset if you're in public school. Resources: www.untigering.com Instagram & Facebook: @untigering Sponsor: BrightStory Admission Consulting www.BrightStory.info --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/happyaw/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/happyaw/support

Did you grow up under an authoritarian parenting style and do you want to try something different with your kids? Or perhaps you want your children to have more confidence in their decision making skills, be independent thinkers and self driven? If any of those ideas resonate, listen in on my conversation with Iris Chen, founder of the Untigering movement and author of Untigering, Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. In addition to being an Untigerer, Iris is also an advocate for unschooling -- homeschooling that's completely student led and non-coercive -- the epitome of Untigering. In Part 2, we talk about what Iris's expectations are of her kids' career choices, how to instrinsically motivate your kids, and how to apply an unschooling mindset if you're in public school. If you missed Part 1, we talked about unschooling definitions and impacts on happiness, Iris' family's unschooling journey, and what a typical day of unschooling looks like. Resources: www.untigering.com Instagram & Facebook: @untigering Sponsor: BrightStory Admission Consulting www.BrightStory.info --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/happyaw/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/happyaw/support

My guest this week is Iris Chen, she's an author, unschooling mom, deconstructing tiger parent, and founder of theuntigering movement. As an advocate for peaceful parenting and educational freedom for children, her mission is to inspire generational and cultural transformation, especially among Asian communities. She spent 16 years living overseas in China, the land of the tiger parent, but now resides in her native California with her husband and two sons.  In this episode, Iris and I discuss meeting the educational needs of all kids, including kids with special needs, in-non traditional ways. Specifically, with an educational model called unschooling, which is gaining in popularity in recent years. It's important to raise awareness about different educational styles so that parents and children don't feel stuck in their current school system and blindly follow whatever they are told. Thankfully there are many different educational styles that fit kids' personalities, interests, and challenges better. Learn more about here. Episode Highlights What is a Tiger parent? Equates to very strict Chinese parenting (but can also be a term for any strict parents) A lot of rules, very authoritarian, high expectations, particularly in the area of academics What is untigering? Moving away from very authoritarian, controlling, coercive parenting, but also redefining ideas about the value of formal education and academics and the push to succeed and achieve in those ways Being a controlling parent is not healthy for your kids Parents of kids with special needs, whether that is neurodevelopmental issues, mental health issues, learning challenges, whatever it might be, experience an extra set of fears and concerns, and there can be even more of a drive to control or to make kids conform to a certain way of doing things, out of love and a desire for them to fit in, to have a successful future It is important in those situations for parents to step back and recognize what our fears are around this How do I support the child I have, who this child actually is, which includes all of their amazing strengths and qualities, as well as their challenges? Not trying to make this child fit into a box Opting out of conventional thinking There is this collective reimagining going on right now that is so important to the future of education Education most certainly does NOT need to be done in four walls, sitting down all day long   The educational model we choose for our kids, comprises a lot of their childhood daytime life, we should choose based on all our options not just the one everyone else does We need to ask, "Is this serving me?" Because an education is supposed to serve the child, it is supposed to empower the child and give them the skills If it's not serving the child, why are we still doing it? So are we serving the system? Or is the system there to serve us? If we're just saying yes to whatever they're asking us to do, we're not questioning it, it's not an intentional choice One of the most compelling arguments in support of parents looking at different options educationally, is the research on educational outcomes in the current school system A large percentage of kids are not coming out of the current school system with great success We're also seeing a generation of kids now in young adulthood with more serious mental health issues than ever before When we think about parenting kids who are autistic, kids who have ADHD, kids with mental health issues, behavioral challenges. All the more need to look at what is going to constitute success, health, well being, an engaged quality of life for them in adulthood?  It may not at all be the picture that we have in our mind of traditionally what's done, and that need to broaden that understanding   What is unschooling?  Living, loving and learning with our children outside the construct of compulsory schooling Child-led, no homework, no curriculum, no particular subjects, no strict schedule Unschooling really opens up a lot of options for reducing kids' anxiety about school or about learning, and by using their strengths and using their interests, it allows a much better entry point into helping them grow in their skills, in their knowledge, because we're approaching it in a way that doesn't automatically heighten their anxiety and create a lot of distress for them How do children become educated with unschooling? They are intrinsically-motivated, they do have the skills they need and the drive that they need in order to pursue their individual interests There is a lot of parenting support. Exploring outside, reading at the library, going to museums, these are ways children can build knowledge By giving kids time and room to play and lead activities it's actually supporting their own developmental pace too, which again,  is really important for neurodivergent kids, for kids with different kinds of processing systems in their brain, to be able to operate at a pace that supports their own development, as opposed to constantly being pushed   Life provides opportunities for learning People learn because we are made to learn We don't need school in order to do that There's so much learning that needs to happen outside the mind, outside the intellect, where the school environment doesn't really allow for that We need to learn how to listen to our bodies, how to rest and engage with nature, how to meet our our needs to survive in the world, like cook and do laundry and pay your taxes and all those things For kids who have more significant neurodevelopmental, behavioral, anxiety kinds of issues, traditional classrooms often are not the best place for them to be doing the kinds of learning and development and growth Follow Iris Chen Website Instagram - @Untigering FB - @Untigering Twitter - @Untigering Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

"As I understood more about peaceful parenting and honoring our children, the school system really clashed against my understanding of how to care, respect, and love my children." Iris Chen on choosing unschooling to align with her values.   Iris Chen is the founder of the Untigering movement and author of "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent." As a peaceful parenting advocate, intersectional unschooler, anti-oppression activist, and deconstructing tiger mom, her mission is to inspire generational and cultural transformation, especially among Asian communities.   She spent 16 years living overseas in China (land of the tiger parent!) but now resides in her native California with her husband and two sons. In this Episode we'll discuss: What an Untigering parent is What Unschooling is Why children have a natural learning drive Show links: Untigering Website: https://untigering.com/ Follow Iris here: https://www.instagram.com/untigering/ Holiday Challenge: https://www.wholemodernparent.com/

I had the honor of sitting down with Iris Chen, author of the book Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. Iris has transformed her parenting from the authoritarian Tiger mom to becoming a peaceful parent and now an unschooling mom. We discussed what unschooling looks like in her family and how other parents can implement it, as well as how unschooling as a philosophy can be applied to our adult lives. You can find Iris at untigering.com and on Instagram at @untigering As always, you can follow Paula at @paulamoralesmcdowell on Instagram to continue the conversation. Feel free to drop me an audio message on Anchor to be played in a future episode! if you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts and/or take a screenshot and tag me in your stories! Talk soon! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/thewayweparent/message

What does it mean to persist these days, and what do we desire to persist toward? Co-hosts Lindy Wallace, Kayla Craig, Alissa Molina, and Patricia Taylor kick off our sixth season with a conversation about the long game of persistence and why we're still here.In this episode, we:Talk about why we're still showing up on this “little podcast that could” Dig into the meaning of persistence: how it's both opposing something and imagining how it could be betterDiscuss how the definition of persisting has been twisted and weaponized in toxic ways that are detrimental to our health and well-beingAsk ourselves the question, “What are we persisting toward?” What is the endgame we are reaching for?Dive into how persistence intersects with rest, how both are acts of resistance, and the invitation to join the long line of those who have resisted before usConsider how persisting can be an act of self-discovery, empowering us to get to the truer version of ourselves by identifying what we say yes or no toGive you a bit of a teaser about this season's offeringsJoin us as we launch Season 6 with the theme of persistence. Our hope is that you come away inspired to go with intention and take heart that to persist is to imagine something beautifully just and whole for everyone. News, Notes, and Links:Check out Iris Chen of Untigering on Instagram.Support more conversations like this on Upside Down Podcast! Please visit us, where you can pledge a few dollars of monthly support to help us pay our bills and keep the conversations going.Learn more at Upside Down Podcast.We're on Instagram, too. You can find us individually at @patricia_a_taylor, @kayla_craig, @alissarmolina, and @lindsy.wallace.Join the Upside Down Together listener group on Facebook!Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/upsidedownpodcast)

How can we motivate our kids to study in the summer? How are our child's consent, voice, and choice a part of their educational process? UnTigering author Iris Chen reveals the lost art of UnSchooling in this podcast.

As a child, first generation Chinese American, Iris Chen, author of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent, was raised in a strict, high expectation house. As her own children began to rebel against her authoritarian parenting, Iris began to question what it truly means to be a “good” parent. In this episode, Hunter talks to Iris about her experience of “untigering” and her journey to change generational patterns. *New!* Watch video clips from this episode on the Mindful Mama Youtube channel! If you enjoyed this episode, and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device, post it to your Instagram stories, and tag me @mindfulmamamentor. Have you left a review yet? All you have to do is go to  Apple Podcasts or  Stitcher (or wherever you listen), and thanks for your support of the show! 3 Takeaways: Love is not about control Children are like plants, having individual needs that must be met in order to thrive Success is for each of us to define for ourselves in ways that are meaningful for us Iris Chen is the author and founder of the Untigering movement. Her mission is to promote peaceful parenting, intersectional unschooling, and anti-oppression, especially among Asian communities. Get Hunter's book, Raising Good Humans now! Click here to order and get book bonuses! ABOUT HUNTER CLARKE-FIELDS: Hunter Clarke-Fields is a mindful mama mentor. She coaches smart, thoughtful parents on how to create calm and cooperation in their daily lives. Hunter has over 20 years of experience in mindfulness practices. She has taught thousands worldwide. Be a part of the tribe—we're over 25 thousand strong! Join the Mindful Parenting membership. Take your learning further! Get my Top 2 Best Tools to Stop Yelling AND the Mindful Parenting Roadmap for FREE at: mindfulmamamentor.com/stopyelling/ Find more podcasts, blog posts, free resources, and how to work with Hunter at MindfulMamaMentor.com. Be sure to check out these deals from this week's sponsors: You can get an exclusive, one-time offer of 15% off your order of Bitty Baby products with promo code HUNTER at americangirl.com. Go to GreenChef.com/hunter100 and use code hunter100 to get $100 off including free shipping! Try Acorn TV free for 30 days, by going to Acorn.TV and use my promo code hunter.

Parenting shouldn't be synonymous with control, but for my guest, Iris Chen, this was her reality while growing up in an Asian-American household. Our childhood experiences can shape what kind of parents we'll become to our kids; but as their parents, it is our role to guide and care for them while also respecting their own autonomy. This is the realization that Iris came to when she saw her tiger parenting was driving her son away from her. Iris is the author of the book, Untigering, where she shares her experience of being a tiger parent and her journey of pulling away from cultural norms for a more empathetic and respectful approach to parenting while also redefining what it means to be a successful parent.  Don't forget to listen to this episode to help develop a more peaceful and healthier relationship with your kids!   Episode Highlights: Iris' childhood growing up in an Asian-American household How her tiger parenting affected her relationship with her eldest Accountability and learning to let go of controlling habits It's never too late to change How projection warps how we perceive our child's behavior   Connect with Iris: Website | Untigering Facebook | Untigering Instagram | Untigering Purchase her book on Amazon or Barnes & Noble   Are you ready to change your family dynamic through connective parenting? Work with me one on one and together we'll hone in on the sources of discontent and chaos, and find solutions that are specific to your family's needs. It doesn't matter if you are married or single, if you parent alone or you want to do this with your parenting partner. To sign up for my One-on-One Private Parenting Sessions, click here to start now and change your parenting reality! -- Enjoy today's episode? Please share this episode with a friend and subscribe to the show to get notified on the latest episodes. Support this podcast through my partnership with Hand in Hand Parenting. Find useful parenting material and the Booklets I discuss in the show? Click Here. Are you a coach, or online course creator? Have an email list you communicate with often? Do you have a website? Kajabi can be your home for all of these and so much more Click here and explore all Kajabi has to offer while supporting the Peace and Parenting Podcast with no extra cost to you.    Follow Peace and Parenting Instagram @peaceandparenting Facebook @peaceandparentingla Apple Podcasts Spotify Google Podcasts

Welcome again Fare of the Free Child community! In episode 222 you'll hear excerpts from our feel trip with Iris Chen, author of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent along with our fellow unschooler, Tiersa McQueen. Iris and Akilah talk about multigenerational learning and unlearning, the differences between respect and relationship with the elders, collective change, cultural distance, relationship skills and how we can feel honored and honor other people too, learning to coexist and grow together. Tiersa joined the discussion, and poured her usual awesomesauce all in the mix. If the excerpts just ain't enough, you can watch the entire conversation here.In case you haven't listened to the previous elements of this three-part flow, here's Episode 220: Iris Chen on Culture, Childhood, and Consent, and Episode 221: Untigering with Iris Chen (Pt. 2) where our listeners shared their feedback. Join our podcast village to make sure you don't miss any feel trip invitations.We are just a few episodes away from the end of this season, including two more episodes and a feel trip with Kris and Akilah to close out the season and celebrate the five year anniversary of Episode 0. So exciting!Need to knows:In an effort to bring all of you more deschooling resources and liberation tools Raising Free People Support Suite which includes the Card Decks has a Workbook material coming up in collaboration with Leslie Bray from P.O.U.R Podcast (Purposely Openly Up to Relationships) Thanks to all of the people that had contributed to translate Raising Free People book to Spanish, we're halfway there! / Gracias a quienes han colaborado para traducir el libro Raising Free People al idioma Español, ¡ya recolectamos la mitad!LIBERATION WALKShout out to Val Sinclair from Plant it up podcast, who'll join us once more at the end of the season!Feel free to share and question by pressing that “Leave a Voice Message” button on the right side of the site!While you're there, subscribe to Akilah's Youtube ChannelSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/akilah)

Sending love to all of the families and descendants of theTk’emlúps te Secwépemc community, who are dealing with the tragedy of discovering the bodies of 215 children who lived at the Kamloops Indian Residential School. We share the official statement from Tk'emlúps te Secwépemc Kukpi7 (Chief) Rosanne Casimir. May their families find a way to be at peace.---On this week’s #fofcpod you'll hear feedback from our community members. Regina, Sarah, and Ana Maria share their thoughts about previous episode 220: Iris Chen on Culture, Childhood, and Consent with Iris Chen from Untigering but also Ana Maria took the time to share her impressions on episode 219: All In My Feelings About Family Meetings. As we realize now, feedback won't always be about the most recent episode, people find episodes that talk specifically to them all the time (folks are still listening to season 1!). Today, members of our listening community share some realizations based on conversations and experiences with their children. They share reflections on empowerment, boundaries, rewriting our narrative, and then some. You'll also hear from a local ATL unschooler wondering about tools of oppression in the context of parents who use them on their adult children.Dr. Sundiata also shares some insights about The Theory of Indivisibility, Tools of Oppression in contrast with the Tools of Indivisibility. Head over to Sundiata's website to learn more.And we are super-stoked and grateful that Akilah’s book, Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing work, will be translated into Spanish, and that the ALC Network has launched a fundraiser to match the $5000 needed to get us published in print and digitally! Will you donate and share? Here’s the link with details.Our next Feel Trip is coming up with Iris, Akilah, and Tiersa on June 7, at 5:30 PM EST. Here’s the link to register. You'll hear a recap of that next week. Make sure you don't miss any of our Feel Trip invitations by joining our podcast village.LIBERATION WALKGot an insight or a question? Press that “Leave a Voice Message” button on the right side of the site and tell Akilah.Subscribe to Akilah’s Youtube Channel!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/akilah)

In this week’s #fofcpod episode, you’ll hear the first part of a conversation that sprunt up after a family meeting Akilah, Kris, Marley, and Sage had earlier this year. Akilah is calling this episode an “all in my” situation because she sees herself as being all up in her feelings (and fully accepting the presence of those feelings) while she’s unlearning the power-over dynamic. For sure, this conversation comes from a vulnerable and intimate space, and it felt important to Akilah and Kris to share the raw feelings without trying to offer “solutions” to resolving them. Kris and Akilah point out the importance of healthy communication, change, boundaries, process, and practice. They also discuss the levels of involvement and the struggle that we might face when we want to be held accountable and supportive. What does support look like as you grow together?They talk about the layers that come with a process and the practices around recognition and listening. It’s important to be able to think beyond our reaction and ask questions in order to move away from the schoolish mindset of punishing the reaction instead of exploring the cause. Asking for help to get a different perspective can guide us through a better solving process.Stay tuned because we have nine more episodes in Season 6, including one of Fare of the Free Man Child with Anthony “Tony” Galloway, Jr. Also, get ready to listen to Iris Chen from Untigering who will be joining us on the next edition of our three-part flow.LIBERATION WALKPress that “Leave a Voice Message” button on the right side of the site and share some thoughtsRemember that SDE Weekend (Self-Directed Education Weekend) is coming soon! From 21st till 23rd of May 2021 “The SDE weekend is an “all you can (L)earn,” 3-day, international, online event in which you choose the sessions that match your intentions and participate as much as you want.” Subscribe to Akilah’s Youtube Channel!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/akilah)

This week’s episode opens the first segment of our three-part flow from a mindful conversation with Iris Chen of Untigering. Iris is an unschooling mom and author of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent, an authentic and vulnerable narrative about parenting as an Asian-American with cultural awareness, consent, love, and survival all blended in. Iris will also join us next week on a Feel Trip episode and we would love to hear some of your feedback prior to that! The week after that (on Saturday) we’ll bring you a recap of that Feel Trip. Make sure you don't miss any of our Feel Trip invitations by entering our podcast village.Iris chats with Akilah about the process that led her into writing her book, a process that started two years ago as she was blogging about her family experiences. Akilah and Iris also speak about the expectations and the pressure that we sometimes create around our children by seeing them only as extensions of us and not also as individuals."We can be agents of change instead of victims to tradition" - Iris ChenIris challenges the idea that we are trapped by our culture and rules, because we can celebrate but also question. Iris asserts that we are more than our stereotypes, and Akilah agrees with that and invites us to embrace the elements that are aligned to who we are while we reject what doesn’t vibe with us as part of our evolution. Iris also talks about the importance of language and the influence that culture has to offer as a tool that enhances connection and more ways to expand understanding.They also talk about consent and emotional intelligence skills and how important it is to re-parent our inner child to heal and understand the ways we can be influencing our children's behavior, because this can shape the practices that help us unravel our schoolish mindsets as we grow together.LIBERATION WALKPress that “Leave a Voice Message” button on the right side of the site and share some thoughtsLearn more about The Homeschool Association of CaliforniaHere you can read Parenting in a Climate of Anti-Asian Racism by Iris ChenSubscribe to Akilah’s Youtube Channel!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/akilah)

This week, Ayoto meets one of his traumas on the subject of Tiger Moms, and speaks to peaceful parenting advocate, intersectional unschooler, anti-oppression activist and deconstructing tiger mom, Iris Chen. She is the author of Untigering: Adventures of a Deconstructing Tiger Mother.Additional references and links can be found on this episode's entry on AsianProvocation.comBe a supporter of this podcast and its stories by becoming a patron on Patreon.com/AsianProvocation for as little as $5 a month, which keeps this show independent and alive. 

Iris Chen is the founder of the Untigering movement and author of "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent." Her mission is to promote peaceful parenting, intersectional unschooling, and anti-oppression, especially among Asian communities. After spending 16 years living overseas in China (land of the tiger parent!), she now resides in her native California with her husband, two sons, and cat. Listen to our interview as we unpack her book... and other things!For more show notes and links to the things I mention, visit: https://www.fcksavingface.com/podcast/episode-05-untigering-with-iris-chen See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

SUPPORT THE PODCAST ON PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/liveplaylearn Iris Chen joins Heidi Steel this month, in a trans-Atlantic episode, to discuss her new book, Untigering. You can listen to us talk about: · The impact of our parenting and relationships with our children on our unschooling journeys. · Prioritising relationships, partnering our children, and fostering a relational paradigm instead of a hierarchical one. · How we focus on connection, love, enjoyment, belonging, personal significance, meeting needs, and building trust. · Playing alongside our children. · Navigating the personal challenges of parenting. · Embracing incompetence and nurturing our own growth mindset. · Living in alignment with who we are and who our children are. · Navigating intergenerational rifts caused by differences in parenting styles. · How our parenting influences wider society: individual worth, racism, and meritocracy. · How parenting and unschooling are intertwined. GUEST MEDIA LINKS: untigering.com Untigering book LIVEPLAYLEARN LINKS: You can read a full book review here: http://liveplaylearn.org/2020/12/30/untigering-by-iris-chen/ Website Liveplaylearn.org Facebook Live. Play. Learn YouTube Live Play Learn

It seems like we parents always want to know how everyone else is handling chores, yet chores are also (surprisingly) personal! We all have different standards, different capacity, and different families. We share how we think about chores in general, our why behind doing (and NOT doing) chores with our kids, what chores look like for us now with tweens and teens, and what chores looked like when our kids were younger.   As always, you’ll get our LTWs at the end, and we’ve added a new listener question segment! Join us on Patreon to hear us answer this week’s question.   Takeaways -Chores take both parenting time and attention. If we don’t have that to give, it’s ok to skip doing chores with kids for a season. -Our standards as adults are different than kids’ standards. They’re still growing and it’s developmentally normal (and good!) for them to have priorities that are different from ours. -We all live together, so we should all be contributing together. -Chores help our kids understand responsibility and learn life skills. -Helping gives kids a sense of purpose and contribution, which feels really good and boosts self-esteem. -Chores are good practice for how to work and communicate as a team.  -Sometimes we DON'T do chores because it is a lot of work to manage helping kids do chores. -Sometimes we DON'T do chores because it’s a lot of pressure on kids; it can be overwhelming. -Sometimes we DON'T do chores because it's creating relational strain, resentment, or severing connection.   Aha Moment Quote "It’s ok to design your homeschool day around YOUR energy." -Angela   Listener Question Join us on Patreon to hear our conversation answering the question: “What do you do when your kid has a passion you're not very excited about like video games or screens? What if they don't seem to have a passion at all?”   $5 Squad on Patreon We know that a lot of subscriptions and memberships can be out of reach financially for homeschool families, and it’s often us parents that give up the things we want in order to afford what our families need.   But we really want our Squad to be affordable for you because every homeschool parent should be able to get connected to the support they need. You get ALL our rewards and join our community for just $5/month. And we now offer a DISCOUNTED annual rate with TWO MONTHS FREE. $50/year is a small investment to make in YOURSELF—and you DESERVE it. Loving This Week (LTW) Maren: The Amber Ruffin Show Angela: Raising Free People by Akilah S. Richards and Untigering by Iris Chen   Patrons get a monthly "LTW Extra" episode when you join our $5 Squad. An hour-long chat about the shows, products, podcasts, books, and more that we're loving!    More About Homeschool Unrefined We are an inclusive and nonsectarian podcast. We believe Black Lives Matter, and we are LGBTQ+ affirming (for more, read our piece on Romper). We are listener supported and are donating 10% of all Patreon income and product sales to The Conscious Kid, a Black and Brown-led organization that has been instrumental in our own evolution and in leading the way in both ideological and tangible change with their work in “parenting and education through a critical race lens." Read our full ABAR Statement here and on Instagram.   Connect with us!  Visit our website | Sign up for our newsletter. | Support us on Patreon. | Join our closed Facebook group: Unrefined Homeschoolers | Merch Shop Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Youtube Angela on Instagram: @unrefinedangela | Maren on Instagram: @unrefinedmaren Email us any questions or feedback at homeschoolunrefined@gmail.com Visit our Amazon Shop: https://www.amazon.com/shop/homeschoolunrefined We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Today I’m here with Iris Chen talking about Untigering. Iris is an author, unschooling mom, deconstructing tiger parent, and founder of the Untigering movement. We go over her book title, narrative, the nature of children, our role as parents, behaviors, feelings, success, adultism, acceptance, gender norms, bodily autonomy, permissiveness, and community. Get the full show notes here: http://sagefamily.com/podcast56 Support the Sage Family Podcast here: patreon.com/sagefamily

Mass schooling is a relatively recent phenomenon, an experiment in education that gained steam following the industrial revolution, becoming increasingly widespread in the nineteenth century, in part, due to advocates like Horace Mann. Mann was a social reformer skeptical of parents’ abilities to properly educate their children to become future employees and democratic citizens. He believed that these common schools, as they were called, could remedy the lack of proper discipline found in some homes. Notably, Mann homeschooled his own children outside the dictates of these common schools he advanced for other people’s children. Further, he and his fellow reformers worried about the flood of diverse immigrant families that were challenging contemporary cultural and social hegemony. Mann went so far as to argue that these marginalized groups were “wholly of another kind in morals and intellect.”  Mass schooling champions asserted that compulsory education was necessary for preventing the corruption of young children in the hands of those they deemed ill-suited to properly foster their moral and intellectual development—namely, their families and respective communities. Traditional schools were to be the means of instilling a particular sense of shared American identity that would allow American democracy to function well. This is not to color all mass schooling advocates as cultural chauvinists but to highlight that what we consider traditional schooling today is, in many ways, informed by the notion that parents and children lack the skills required to learn outside the schooling system. Traditional schooling embraces a view that learning best occurs when a uniform curriculum is imposed upon young minds, children being segregated according to age within rigid classroom structures. It is commonly held that becoming a successful and contributing member of a democratic society requires going through the mass schooling system. Conventional schooling’s primary goal is knowledge acquisition—with everything else being secondary. Students tend to be treated as passive subjects, receptacles for the knowledge considered necessary by their teachers, school system administrators, and other centralized educational authorities.  What might a more student-centered learning environment look like? What if instead of imposing a universal curriculum onto children, they were instead provided with the resources needed to help them achieve their own self-selected goals? What if becoming a socially- and emotionally-intelligent human being was the primary goal of an educational approach, rather than being supplemental to knowledge acquisition?  Jeffrey Howard speaks with Tiersa McQueen, an unschooling parent of four children. Following her own experiences as a teacher and her children’s encounters with mass schooling, her family has embraced unschooling and gentle parenting. According to McQueen, these two philosophies go hand-in-hand, holding central the idea that children deserve full respect, greater autonomy, and tailored support as they learn how to thrive as young people—and eventually, as adults.  Despite her advocacy for self-directed learning, she acknowledges that she isn’t completely opposed to schooling. It’s still an option for her kids should they choose it. However, as a Black parent, she is well-aware of the school-to-prison pipeline and the reality that Black children are punished far more frequently and severely than other children in schooling environments. She expresses that she can’t wait for traditional schools to change in order for them to become safe and nurturing places for her children. McQueen considers the criticisms lobbed at unschoolers and self-directed education advocates, suggesting that many of them are stereotypes pertaining to a type of homeschooler that doesn’t really exist anymore. Unschooling and gentle parenting are difficult for some people to imagine, and have their own share of difficulties, but she observes that her relationships with her own children have never been better. She also notes that the depth of her children’s learning has increased dramatically as they’ve been able to direct time and attention toward their own goals and interests.  Some things to further consider. A century ago, the philosopher and social activist John Dewey proposed a notion of education as “learning by doing,” emphasizing the need for practicality in meaningful learning. What might happen if more young minds were afforded this approach, supported by family and community members as they experimented with overcoming the challenges they face in their particular social environments? In what ways might an unschooling approach to learning better prepare people to navigate the demands and problems unique to their local contexts? And how might unschooling better prepare children to participate in democratic living? Show Notes “When You Get Into Unschooling, It’s Almost Like a Religion” by Molly Worthen (2020) Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work by Akilah S. Richards (2020)  Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent by Iris Chen (2020) Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life by Peter Gray (2013) John Holt “First Impressions of an Unschooling School” by Jeffrey Howard (2018) Unschooled: Raising Curious, Well-Educated Children Outside the Conventional Classroom by Kerry McDonald (2019) Horace Mann’s Troubling Legacy: The Education of Democratic Citizens by Bob Pepperman Taylor (2010) “My Pedagogic Creed” by John Dewey (1897) Democracy and Education by John Dewey (1916)

Iris Chen, the author of “Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent,  and first-generation Chinese American, comes on to discuss changing generational parenting narratives and intentionally choosing a more peaceful parenting approach. We take a deep dive into cultivating meaningful relationships with our children and discuss the work necessary to changing parenting patterns.  To find out more about Iris Chen:  Website: https://untigering.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/untigering IG: https://www.instagram.com/untigering/ The content on The Mindful Corner Podcast should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. You are encouraged to consult your doctor concerning your specific health condition and because each person is unique, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving an honest rating and review. Want to share your story or know someone who does? Email us at themindfulcornerpodcast@gmail.com Business inquiries: derikavelez@gmail.com Make sure to follow The Mindful Corner's Instagram Page https://www.instagram.com/themindfulcorner/

In this episode we talk with Iris Chen about her new book, Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. Iris admits to being a parent who engaged in "yelling, spanking, and threatening with unreasonable consequences" - but far from becoming a well-behaved, obedient child, her son fought back. The harder she punished, the more he resisted. Their home became a battleground of endless power struggles, uncontrollable tantrums, and constant frustration. But Iris didn't know what else to do: she had learned this over-controlling style from her own parents: watching TV without permission, talking back to her father, and having a boyfriend before college were simply out of the question when she was growing up. In her parents' eyes, they had done all the right things: Iris got good grades, graduated from an elite university, and married another successful Chinese-American. But through interacting with her son, Iris realized that all of these achievements had come at a great cost: a cost that her son was trying to show her through his resistance. Eventually Iris saw that her son's behavior wasn't the problem; he was simply reacting to her attempts to control him, and that it was her own approach that needed to change. Now Iris is well along her own Untigering path: basing her relationship with her children on finding win-win solutions to problems, being flexible, and respecting each other's boundaries. As I do too, Iris sees this path as a journey toward creating a society where everyone belongs. If you see yourself in Iris' descriptions of her early days as a parent, and especially if you find yourself routinely overreacting to your child's age-appropriate behavior, I invite you to join my Taming Your Triggers workshop, which will help you to understand the true source of your triggered feelings (hint: it isn't your child's behavior!), feel triggered less often, and respond more effectively to your child on the fewer occasions when it does still happen. Click here to learn more about https://www.yourparentingmojo.com/tamingyourtriggers (Taming Your Triggers)   Jump to highlights: (01:34) Children’s dilemma between being seen/heard and being accepted (02:50) The trauma we pass on to our children (04:04) How to tame your triggers (04:59) Confidence in parenting that gives parents a sense of calm (06:39) Iris as a Deconstructing Tiger Parent (08:13) “I thought my responsibility as a parent was to push harder when my child resisted” (09:26) “I saw in my children a freedom to express their resentment in ways that I was never free to” (11:05) The walls that are created between parent and child because children’s authentic selves are not accepted (11:24) Our parents have their own traumas as well (13:18) The Idea of Untigering (14:19) Permissive parenting (16:06) Viewing children as full human beings (18:43) Adultism and Childism (20:05) Is respect something a child needs to earn from their parents? (21:26) Redefining our ideas for success as parents (27:29) Navigating the needs that drive behavior (31:30) Chinese somatization (33:57) The internalization of injustice and suffering (36:50) Holding space for one another and the greater community (41:19) The cascading effect of changing the way we relate to our children   Books and Resources: https://www.amazon.com/Untigering-Peaceful-Parenting-Deconstructing-Parent-ebook/dp/B08QG3C9F3 (Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent) https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 (The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma)   Links: https://yourparentingmojo.com/tamingyourtriggers/ (Taming Your Triggers Workshop) https://www.upbringing.co/ (Upbringing Podcast) http://untigering.com (Untigering Website)   Join the YPM Facebook Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/2174808219425589 (Your Parenting Mojo Facebook Group)  

Iris Chen is the founder of the Untigering movement, which seeks to promote mental health, and peaceful and anti-oppressive parenting and education. After starting out as a Tiger mother, she began to deconstruct this notion when she observed the negative effects of authoritarian parenting. She has amassed over 30,000 parents on her Facebook Group, Untigering and recently published a book, "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent."

Our relationship with our parents is one of the most important ones of our lives - not only did our parents shape our childhood where many of our values and beliefs were formed and influence us to this day, but it also determines the way we nurture our next generation. Iris Chen is an author, unschooling mom, deconstructing tiger parent, and founder of the Untigering movement. As an advocate for peaceful parenting and educational freedom for children, her mission is to inspire generational and cultural transformation, especially among Asian communities. In this bonus episode of Asians Redefining Their Success, Iris and I dive into her new book:"Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent", specifically the Redefining Success chapter. We talk about how she went from a homemaker to a self-published author, what’s it like to untiger aka leaving behind coercive parenting to one that’s more gentle and peaceful, and how we can best mend our relationships with our parents by healing our relationships with ourselves first with radical self-love. Resources: Untigering book Reparenting: act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child Other parenting instagrams from womxn of color: @asiansformentalhealth, @deconolizedparenting, @latinxparenting Reach out to Iris Chen: Website | Facebook | Instagram

Untigering – an interview with Author and Parenting educator Iris Chen S06E02 – Iris Chen is a deconstructing Tiger Mom who is all about peaceful parenting, intersectional unschooling, and anti-oppression work. Her new book “Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent” is a brilliant and moving work. One that will change the lives of everyone who reads it. Sujai and Vivek have an in depth discussion with Iris about rewiring our parenting from the old ways while honouring our cultural roots. We also talk about anti-oppression work and how it relates to conscious parenting. You can find Iris’ work at https://www.facebook.com/untigering https://www.instagram.com/untigering/ and you can pick up a copy of her book here https://untigering.com/untigering-peaceful-parenting-for-the-deconstructing-tiger-parent/ https://www.amazon.com/Untigering-Peaceful-Parenting-Deconstructing-Parent-ebook/dp/B08QG3C9F3/ ---------------------- As always thanks for listening and we hope the info contained here helps you on your parenting path. Join Sujai and Vivek on our Parenting Support Membership site https://gentleparentsunite.com/membership Our Facebook group Gentle Parents Unite https://www.facebook.com/groups/gentleparentsunite/ Vivek's articles and videos can be found on his social media http://www.facebook.com/meaningfulideas https://www.youtube.com/meaningfulideas http://www.instagram.com/meaningfulideas We would love for you to subscribe and rate/review our Parenting Podcast. Here are the links to different platforms Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/gentle-parents-unite-podcast/id1487676899?uo=4 Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/7M5za9t0BqhBF2wLgLjk4k Google https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy8xMDVjZTU2Yy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Stitcher https://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=482306&refid=stpr Anchor.fm https://anchor.fm/gpubecominggentle Breaker https://www.breaker.audio/gentle-parents-unite-podcast Overcast.fm https://overcast.fm/itunes1487676899/gentle-parents-unite-podcast Pocket Casts https://pca.st/4739s0lr Radio Public https://radiopublic.com/gentle-parents-unite-podcast-G19Ogj RSS Feed https://anchor.fm/s/105ce56c/podcast/rss Note: the theme music is called Joyful by Marji Zintz: www.marjizintz.us --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/gpubecominggentle/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/gpubecominggentle/support

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: Live and Love with Joyful Courage Joyful Courage for Parents of Teens Join the Patreon Community and enjoy livestreams of solo shows, group coaching and a powerful community! www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage :::: This week my guest is Iris Chen. Iris is a writer, unschooler, and founder of the Untigering movement. After starting out as a hardcore tiger mother, she began to untiger when she saw all the negative effects of her authoritarian parenting. Now she’s on a mission to empower others families by promoting mental health, peaceful parenting, and educational freedom for children. She recently moved back to California with her husband and two sons after 16 years of living in China.  Takeaways from the show: Tiger parenting and its cultural meaning Iris’ experience growing up and how that played into her parenting How patterns of how you were parented can show up into the subconscious Shifting to a different way of parenting Doing the inner work so your relationships with your kids can improve Holding space for your emotions  Learning to filter assumptions about children and parenting through a lens of love and respect and anti-oppression The swing from demanding parenting to permissive parenting Leaning into trust and connection  Having a positive way to manage dysregulation Taking apart the baggage around making mistakes in parenting Making mistakes is an opportunity to model ownership, responsibility and humility Holding mutual respect in the relationships with your children Bringing awareness to the fact that children are worthy of honor and dignity and certain rights Where to find Iris: Website | Book | Instagram | Facebook What does Joyful Courage mean to you? I really love how you paired those two words together because they're not often put together like that. But when I think of Joyful Courage in terms of parenting I think of a kind of hopefulness and a trust. No matter what the situation is, there's still that underlying spirit of hopefulness and trust. The courage to let go. The courage to let go of the lie that we need to be in control of the lie that we have to be the one in charge and do things the way it's always been done. The courage to try something new and to let go.    See you next week :)  :::: Parenting for the Brave New World Mini Summit We are all walking into a new year with baggage -  some of it is collective, some of it unique to the individual… . But none of us escaped the radical journey that was 2020. The Parenting for a Brave New World summit is designed to put you IN CHARGE of creating the world and the life that you want. Yes, there are things that are out of our control, and YES we CAN live in an intentional way and change the experiences we are having. I have zeroed in on five areas of focus. Five areas that are the most POTENT areas for growth and relationship. And five guests that deliver the tools all parents need to be in the CREATION of the Brave New World that includes us all: Navigating the changing and challenging school model Adolescent mental health in times of uncertainty Raising the social justice advocates we need Modeling and embracing financial literacy during difficult times Tending to our parenting soul This summit will be releasing February 1st, but you can sign up for the summit right now for an early bird special of just $29!! This includes the 5 interviews and a BONUS course.  I am also offering a NEW feature to the summit, a VIP offer. VIP’s get a swag bag (while supplies last & U.S only), a summit workbook, and post summit live classes with the speakers. Your summit VIP pass will get you access to useful tools to support your learning and opportunities to interact with the expert guests. Head over to joyfulcourage.com/bnw to find out more. :::: SUPER FAM Take that community vibe next level by joining the Joyful Courage Patreon community! For as little as $1, $5, $10/month you can support the podcast, and enjoy biweekly livestreams , monthly group coaching, and Podcast Recap discussions. --> www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage :::: The Book, The Coaching Joyful Courage is so much more than a podcast! I know that you love listening in every week AND I want to encourage you to dig deeper into the learning with me, INVEST in you parenting journey. READ THE BOOK - Joyful Courage, Calming the Drama and Taking Control of Your Parenting Journey is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child. Available both in book and audio book form → http://www.joyfulcourage.com/book CONSIDER ONE ON ONE COACHING - The most POWERFUL of investments offered by Joyful Courage, one on one coaching allows for parents to really tease apart the current issues they are having with their child, while also developing a clear compass for guiding them in the direction they want to be going in. Coaching happens every other week, and is open for parents with kids 4 years old through the teen years. Go to my coaching page to book a free exploratory call and see if we are the right fit. → http://www.joyfulcourage.com/jccoaching ::::: Be a Subscriber Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!! CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

We’re in between seasons on #fofcpod, and as we promised, January will be filled with specially-chosen replays sprinkled with some new-new announcements and invitations.This time we bring you an update from Monique Allison who we’ve already heard from on episode 6 back on Season 1. Listen to Monique giving us some insight on She Said We Shed PodcastMonique talks about what she’s been learning through her deschooling journey with her son, Pharaoh, particularly how she’s becoming a better observer, and learning more about adaptability, flexibility, and trust.Monique is a single Black mom that is raising her son who has sickle cell and other chronic illnesses. They shifted to unschooling, attended an Agile Learning Center, and are still happily unschooling nearly five years later. Listen to Episode 6, (Reclaiming and Learning) to hear their story.Akilah reminds us not to miss The Parenting Decolonized Conference. “The mission of the summit is to provide parents and caregivers with action plans, resources, and tips for conscious parenting during stressful times, reimagining education during the Coronavirus, and the radical shifts required to be more confident, conscious, intentional parents.”Akilah shares her testimonial on Iris Chen’s book, Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. The ebook will be FREE for the next few days in early January so download early before the promotion ends!"Iris's book felt like a familiar conversation with someone who insisted on telling the truth and letting it show up as potential healing space. But it was more than the sense of truthful reflections; there were so many powerful invitations to listen to my own nudges, as well as confront my own biases, too. It looks like a notebook the way I wrote and scribbled and hell-yea'd all through those pages! Untigering is a welcomed addition to the growing list of resources for people raising free people, and unlearning/reclaiming ourselves in the process." - Akilah LIBERATION WALKCheck out Monique’s other previous episodes on #fofcpod: Surviving Survival Mode – Emerging Out… and Surviving Survival Mode – Getting Unstuck Subscribe to Akilah’s Youtube Channel!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/akilah)

Iris Chen played by the rules of society and was a great success by society's standards, but felt that those achievements didn't mean anything at the end of the day. She is now on a journey of Untigering: which she defines as Gentle Parenting and Unschooling. She is a deconstructing Tiger Mom, and in the process, brings us along to question our own upbringing and how we parent our own children. Listen to our podcast as we talk about interesting parenting topics such as obedience, past trauma, achievement, and consent-based living. In our conversation, Iris touches on numerous topics: Obedience: how she initially defaulted to an authoritarian style of parenting and had a tendency to demand obedience. Acknowledging Past Trauma: It is very important to explore our own wounds, our past trauma, not for blaming purposes, but to move forward. Learning: Instead of focusing on content, we should be giving our children the skills for how to learn. Curating Own Lifestyle: How her family created the family and community culture they wanted. Achievement and expectation: We shouldn't focus on the outward markers of achievement to prove that we've made it. Consent-based living: It's about how to honour our children. Unschooling isn't just about education. #sherryyuanhunter #sandwichparenting #consciousparenting #parentingwithcptsd #irischen #untigering #gentleparenting #deconstructingtigermom #consentbasedparenting #education #Asianparenting #unschooling #sandwichgeneration --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/sandwich-parenting/message

Throughout the series, Parenting Decentering Whiteness, my special co-host, Leslie Arreola Hillenbrand, and I have been interviewing parenting influencers of color. Parenting spaces are majority white, which is a massive distortion of the actual world in which we live. If we want to raise our children into developing meaningful relationships with those around them, we have to start listening to voices that reflect the actual life experiences of our world.   Today, we are joined by Iris Chen. Iris is a Chinese American known for her work with unlearning and detoxing from tiger parenting, aka untigering. She is a deconstructing tiger mother who is trying to become a gentle and respectful parent. We are so happy to have her with us to talk about her work and her perspective on parenting.    Show Highlights: Tiger parenting, what it is and the practice of untigering  Iris shares her own experience with tiger parenting and how she began to question what she was doing; and recognized the ways it was hurting her son and hurting their relationship. How Iris said she leaned on coercion, domination, and oppression over children and how she wants to encourage all of us to change and transform from those patterns and those strategies to anti-oppressive ways of relating with children.  Perspectives on the orientation of undoing or dismantling - is it too negative? Some gaps that need to be filled in the Asian parenting community and what we wish would be talked about more. Speaking on ethnic identity, we discuss whether or not there are nonviolent or liberating parenting practices that are particular to the Asian American story. Whatever our culture is, we don't want to be wasteful. The idea of the shared plate in Asian culture and allowing a child to choose how much to put on their plate; acknowledging there are ways to practice not being wasteful yet also honor our kids' autonomy.   Links (affiliates included): Iris Chen Untigering - https://untigering.com Gene Luen Yang - https://amzn.to/39Nb7UK Parenting Forward Conference - https://www.parentingforwardconference.com Join us at the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/2GB6eDB9   *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

Join me for this incredibly candid and vulnerable interview with Iris Chen. Iris was one of the founding members of Teach for America and has built her career in education and social justice over the last twenty years. We talk about perceptions of Asian-American leadership, what we have learned the hard way and what drives Iris after all these years. Iris reflects on the ups and downs of leadership over the last twenty years through the early days of education reform in New York to today's more culturally aware nonprofit environment. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/nonprofitlowdown/support

Sit back and listen to entrepreneur,  content creator and former Gary Vaynerchuk videographer, Iris Chen. She shares how her experience working with Gary V and how that transpired into her new personal branding agency,   Iris Rose & Co.,. is a modern-day personal branding agency that works to empower female entrepreneurs, executives, and influencers through impactful content and storytelling across social.

Are you creating relevant, valuable and compelling content? If you can’t definitively say “Yes” to all three of those, you need to listen to this interview with Iris Chen. She’s a content creator and entrepreneur whose passion is helping other entrepreneurs find their purpose and build their brands online. Let this episode help you refine your content strategy, gauge the results and level up your content creation to take your business to new heights. For show notes and more information, visit: https://tfi.media/2K1mKA2

“Don’t be afraid to share your story and struggles with other people because (I’m sure) other people are dealing with it themselves.” I was so glad that content creator, self made entrepreneur and storyteller, Iris Chen was able to join me at my home before flying back to the East Coast after a whirlwind podcast tour in California. Iris didn’t choose the traditional path of life. She understood that she needed to make a huge change in order to pursue the career she wanted. Her resume is a testament to her talent. With names like Gary Vaynerchuk, Damon John and the Fung Bros as past employees and collaborators, this inspiring 24 year old is crystal clear on what she wants in her professional and personal life.

Blogger Iris Chen shares about “Untigering” and what it has meant for her children’s schooling, character, and faith. Iris discusses the harmful cycle of spanking and yelling, why she ditched math curriculum, and a “stripped-down” version of church. (Intro: Mentor)

A graduate of Yale University and Columbia Law School, Iris is a former big law corporate lawyer. She went in-house to Google 12 years ago in New York where she was the lead commercial attorney supporting the company’s ad business. Now, Iris leads the product development and commercial transactions team for Google’s advertising, analytics, commerce departments and more. Iris has established herself as an integral leader at Google, all while raising her three daughters. Iris shares how she continued to get promoted, have meaningful work experiences and gain the trust of her clients.

Iris Chen is a Chinese American unschooling mom who was born in the US, grew up in the US and Canada, and now lives with her husband and two boys in China. She’s been unschooling for about a year and began sharing her experiences on her blog at untigering.com. I’ve really enjoyed reading her posts, […]

Special guest Iris Chen describers herself as a “deconstructing tiger mother.” She joins us on Erasing Shame to have an honest talk about parenting well and recovering from the tiger parenting generation. You’ll hear about her fascinating approach of  parenting and unschooling. Yes, both at the same time. Show Notes Iris Chen blogs at www.untigering.com Facebook Page: facebook.com/untigering Facebook […]

Young and D.U.M.B is a podcast for the dedicated, up and coming, motivated and bold. It's for dreamers and innovators alike who want to make the world theirs. Our goal is to connect people to stories, people to people and people to opportunity. It's ordinary people like you and us who are capable of incredible things that are gonna change the world. Listen to the Young and D.U.M.B podcast to hear individuals who are well on their way. This week we interviewed Iris Chen about how filming DailyVee is like and what it is like to work on Team Gary! Iris is content creator for Gary Vaynerchuk at Vaynermedia. Her day to day consists of filming Gary's Vlog “Daily Vee” and if she is not on filming duty; she is getting on her grind of chopping up content to create for Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc. She has moved from CA to NY On the basis of working for Gary We talk about how she differentiated herself from other people applying to be a “predator” How it all started with a Youtube chan