Podcast appearances and mentions of Jay Leno

You are in for a real treat on this episode. My guest this time is Greg Schwem. Greg is a corporate comedian. What is a corporate comedian? You probably can imagine that his work has to do with corporations, and you would be right. Greg will explain much better than I can. Mr. Schwem began his career as a TV journalist but eventually decided to take up what he really wanted to do, be a comedian. The story of how he evolved is quite fascinating by any standard. Greg has done comedy professionally since 1989. He speaks today mostly to corporate audiences. He will tell us how he does his work. It is quite interesting to hear how he has learned to relate to his audiences. As you will discover as Greg and I talk, we often work in the same way to learn about our audiences and thus how we get to relate to them. Greg has written three books. His latest one is entitled “Turning Gut Punches into Punch Lines: A Comedian's Journey Through Cancer, Divorce and Other Hilarious Stuff”. As Greg says, “Don't worry, it's not one of those whiny, ‘woe is me,' self- serving books. Instead, it's a hilarious account of me living the words I've been preaching to my audiences: You can always find humor in every situation, even the tough ones. Greg offers many interesting observations as he discusses his career and how he works. I think we all can find significant lessons we can use from his remarks. About the Guest: Hi! I'm Greg Schwem. a Chicago-based business humor speaker and MC who HuffPost calls “Your boss's favorite comedian.” I've traveled the world providing clean, customized laughs to clients such as Microsoft, IBM, McDonald's and even the CIA. I also write the bi-weekly Humor Hotel column for the Chicago Tribune syndicate. I believe every corporate event needs humor. As I often tell clients, “When times are good, people want to laugh. When times are bad, people need to laugh.” One Fortune 500 client summed things up perfectly, saying “You were fantastic and just what everybody needed during these times.” In September 2024 I released my third and most personal book, Turning Gut Punches into Punch Lines: A Comedian's Journey Through Cancer, Divorce and Other Hilarious Stuff. Don't worry, it's not one of those whiny, “woe is me,” self-serving books. Instead, it's a hilarious account of me living the words I've been preaching to my audiences: You can always find humor in every situation, even the tough ones. You can pick up a copy at Amazon or select book stores. Ways to connect with Greg: Website: www.gregschwem.com YouTube: www.youtube.com/gregschwem LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/gregschwem Instagram: www.instagram.com/gregschwem X: www.x.com/gregschwem About the Host: Michael Hingson is a New York Times best-selling author, international lecturer, and Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe. Michael, blind since birth, survived the 9/11 attacks with the help of his guide dog Roselle. This story is the subject of his best-selling book, Thunder Dog. Michael gives over 100 presentations around the world each year speaking to influential groups such as Exxon Mobile, AT&T, Federal Express, Scripps College, Rutgers University, Children's Hospital, and the American Red Cross just to name a few. He is Ambassador for the National Braille Literacy Campaign for the National Federation of the Blind and also serves as Ambassador for the American Humane Association's 2012 Hero Dog Awards. https://michaelhingson.com https://www.facebook.com/michael.hingson.author.speaker/ https://twitter.com/mhingson https://www.youtube.com/user/mhingson https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhingson/ accessiBe Links https://accessibe.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/accessiBe https://www.linkedin.com/company/accessibe/mycompany/ https://www.facebook.com/accessibe/ Thanks for listening! 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Transcription Notes: Michael Hingson ** 00:00 Access Cast and accessiBe Initiative presents Unstoppable Mindset. The podcast where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Hi, I'm Michael Hingson, Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe and the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, Thunder dog, the story of a blind man, his guide dog and the triumph of trust. Thanks for joining me on my podcast as we explore our own blinding fears of inclusion unacceptance and our resistance to change. We will discover the idea that no matter the situation, or the people we encounter, our own fears, and prejudices often are our strongest barriers to moving forward. The unstoppable mindset podcast is sponsored by accessiBe, that's a c c e s s i capital B e. Visit www.accessibe.com to learn how you can make your website accessible for persons with disabilities. And to help make the internet fully inclusive by the year 2025. Glad you dropped by we're happy to meet you and to have you here with us.   Michael Hingson ** 01:16 Hi everyone, and welcome to unstoppable mindset. Today we are going to definitely have some fun. I'll tell you about our guests in a moment, but first, I want to tell you about me. That'll take an hour or so. I am Michael Hingson, your host, and you're listening to unstoppable mindset where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. And I don't know, we may get inclusion or diversity into this, but our guest is Greg Schwem. Greg used to be a TV reporter, now he's a comedian, not sure which is funnier, but given some of the reporters I've seen on TV, they really should go into tonight club business. But anyway, Greg, I want to welcome you to unstoppable mindset. We're really glad you're here. I really appreciate you being here and taking the time   Greg Schwem ** 02:04 Well, Michael, it is an honor to be included on your show. I'm really looking forward to the next hour of conversation. I   Speaker 1 ** 02:10 told Greg a little while ago, one of my major life ambitions that I never got to do was to go to a Don Rickles concert and sit in the front row so that hopefully he would pick on me, so that I could say, Yeah, I saw you once on TV, and I haven't been able to see since. What do you think of that? You hockey puck, but I never got to do it. So very disappointed. But everybody has bucket list moments, everybody has, but they don't get around to I'm sorry. Yeah, I know. Well, the other one is, I love to pick on Mike Wallace. I did a radio show for six years opposite him in 60 minutes, and I always love to say that Wallace really had criminal tendencies, because he started out being an announcer in radio and he announced things like The Green Hornet and the Sky King and other shows where they had a lot of criminals. So I just figured he had to be associated with criminals somewhere in his life. Of course, everybody picked on him, and he had broad shoulders. And I again, I regret I never got to to meet him, which is sort of disappointing. But I did get to meet Peter Falk. That was kind of fun.   Greg Schwem ** 03:15 Mike Wallace to Peter Falk. Nice transition there. I know.   Michael Hingson ** 03:21 Well I am really glad you're with us. So why don't we start? We'll start with the serious part. Why don't you tell us, kind of about the early Greg schwim and growing up and all that sort of stuff, just to set the stage, as it were,   Greg Schwem ** 03:34 how far back you want to go? You want to go back to Little League, or you want to   Speaker 1 ** 03:37 just, oh, start at the beginning, a long time ago, right? I was a   Greg Schwem ** 03:41 very strange child. No, I you. You obviously introduced me as a as a comedian, and that is my full time job. And you also said that I was a former journalist, and that is my professional career. Yes, I went from, as I always like to say, I went from depressing people all day long, to making them laugh. And that's, that's kind of what I did. I always did want to be I majored in Journalism at Northwestern University, good journalism school. Originally, I always wanted to be a television reporter. That was as a professional career I was, I dabbled in comedy. Started when I was 16. That is the first time I ever got on stage at my school, my high school, and then at a comedy club. I was there one of the first comedy clubs in Chicago, a place called the comedy cottage. It was in the suburb of beautiful, beautiful suburb of Rosemont, Illinois, and they were one of the very, very first full time comedy clubs in the nation. And as a 16 year old kid, I actually got on stage and did five minutes here and five minutes there. And thought I was, I was hot stuff, but I never, ever thought I would do it for a living. I thought comedy would always be just a hobby. And I. Especially when I went to college, and I thought, okay, Northwestern is pretty good school, pretty expensive school. I should actually use my degree. And I did. I moved down to Florida, wrote for a newspaper called The Palm Beach post, which, don't let that title fool you. It's Palm Beach was a very small segment of of the area that it was, that it served, but I did comedy on the side, and just because I moved down there, I didn't know anybody, so I hung out at comedy clubs just to have something to do. And little by little, comedy in the late 80s, it exploded. Exploded. There were suddenly clubs popping up everywhere, and you were starting to get to know guys that were doing these clubs and were starting to get recognition for just being comedians. And one of them opened up a very, very good Club opened up about 10 minutes from my apartment in West Palm Beach, and I hung out there and started to get more stage time, and eventually started to realize at the same time that I was getting better as a comedian, I was becoming more disillusioned as a journalist in terms of what my bosses wanted me to report on and the tone they wanted me to use. And I just decided that I would I would just never be able to live with myself if I didn't try it, if I didn't take the the plunge into comedy, and that's what I did in 1989 and I've been doing it ever since. And my career has gone in multiple directions, as I think it needs to. If you're going to be in show business and sustain a career in show business, you have to wear a lot of different hats, which I feel like I've done.   Michael Hingson ** 06:40 So tell me more about that. What does that mean exactly?   Greg Schwem ** 06:43 Well, I mean, I started out as a what you would pretty much if somebody said, If you heard somebody say, I'm a comedian, they would envision some guy that just went to comedy clubs all the time, and that's what I did. I was just a guy that traveled by car all over the Midwest and the Southeast primarily, and did comedy clubs, but I quickly realized that was kind of a going nowhere way to attack it, to do comedy unless you were incredibly lucky, because there were so many guys doing it and so many clubs, and I just didn't see a future in it, and I felt like I had to separate myself from the pack a little bit. And I was living in Chicago, which is where I'm from, and still, still exist. Still reside in Chicago, and I started to get involved with a company that did live trade show presentations. So if you've ever been on a trade show floor and you see people, they're mostly actors and actresses that wear a headset and deliver a spiel, a pitch, like every, every twice an hour, about some company, some new product, and so forth. And I did that, and I started to write material about what I was seeing on trade show floors and putting it into my stand up act, stuff about business, stuff about technology, because I was Hawking a lot of new computers and things like that. This was the mid 90s when technology was exploding, and I started to put this into my stand up act. And then I'd have people come up to me afterwards and say, hey, you know those jokes you did about computers and tech support, if you could come down to our office, you know, we're having a golf tournament, we're having a Christmas party, we would love to hear that material. And little by little, I started transitioning my act into doing shows for the corporate market. I hooked up with a corporate agent, or the corporate agent heard about me, and started to open a lot of doors for me in terms of working for very large corporations, and that's pretty much what I've been doing. I stopped working clubs, and I transitioned, instead of being a comedian, I became a corporate humor speaker. And that's what I do, primarily to this day, is to speak at business conferences. Just kind of get people to loosen up, get them to laugh about what they do all day without without making it sound like I'm belittling what they do. And also when I'm not doing that, I work about eight to 10 weeks a year on cruise ships, performing for cruise audiences. So that's a nice getaway.   Speaker 1 ** 09:18 It's interesting since I mentioned Don Rickles earlier, years ago, I saw an interview that he did with Donahue, and one of the things that Don Rickles said, and after he said it, I thought about it. He said, I really don't want to pick on anyone who's going to be offended by me picking on them. He said, I try to watch really carefully, so that if it looks like somebody's getting offended, I'll leave them alone, because that's not what this is all about. It isn't about abusing people. It's about trying to get people to have fun, and if somebody's offended, I don't want to to pick on them, and I've heard a number of albums and other things with him and just. Noticed that that was really true. He wouldn't pick on someone unless they could take it and had a lot of fun with it. And I thought that was absolutely interesting, because that certainly wasn't, of course, the rep that he had and no, but it was   Greg Schwem ** 10:16 true. It is, and it doesn't take long to see as a as a comedian, when you're looking at an audience member and you're talking to them, it, you can tell very quickly, Are they enjoying this? Are they enjoying being the center of attention? A lot of people are, or are they uncomfortable with it? Now, I don't know that going in. I mean, I you know, of course. And again, that's a very small portion of my show is to talk to the audience, but it is something particularly today. I think audiences want to be more involved. I think they enjoy you talk you. Some of these, the new comedians in their 20s and 30s and so forth. Them, some of them are doing nothing, but what they call crowd work. So they're just doing 45 minutes of talking to the audience, which can be good and can be rough too, because you're working without a net. But I'm happy to give an audience a little bit of that. But I also have a lot of stuff that I want to say too. I mean, I work very hard coming up with material and and refining it, and I want to talk about what's going on in my life, too. So I don't want the audience to be the entire show, right?   Speaker 1 ** 11:26 And and they shouldn't be, because it isn't about that. But at the same time, it is nice to involve them. I find that as a keynote and public speaker, I find that true as well, though, is that audiences do like to be involved. And I do some things right at the outset of most talks to involve people, and also in involving them. I want to get them to last so that I start to draw them in, because later, when I tell the September 11 story, which isn't really a humorous thing. Directly,   Greg Schwem ** 12:04 i know i Good luck. I'm spinning 911 to make it I don't think I've ever heard anybody say, by the way, I was trapped in a building. Stick with me. It's kind of cute. It's got a funny ending. And   Speaker 1 ** 12:20 that's right, and it is hard I can, I can say humorous things along the way in telling the story, but, sure, right, but, but clearly it's not a story that, in of itself, is humorous. But what I realized over the years, and it's really dawned on me in the last four or five years is we now have a whole generation of people who have absolutely no memory of September 11 because they were children or they weren't even born yet. And I believe that my job is to not only talk about it, but literally to draw them into the building and have them walk down the stairs with me, and I have to be descriptive in a very positive way, so that they really are part of what's going on. And the reality is that I do hear people or people come up and say, we were with you when you were going down the stairs. And I think that's my job, because the reality is that we've got to get people to understand there are lessons to be learned from September 11, right? And the only real way to do that is to attract the audience and bring them in. And I think probably mostly, I'm in a better position to do that than most people, because I'm kind of a curious soul, being blind and all that, but it allows me to to draw them in and and it's fun to do that, actually. And I, and   Greg Schwem ** 13:52 I gotta believe, I mean, obviously I wasn't there, Michael, but I gotta believe there were moments of humor in people, a bunch of people going down the stairs. Sure, me, you put people get it's like, it's like when a bunch of people are in an elevator together, you know, I mean, there's I, when I look around and I try to find something humorous in a crowded and it's probably the same thing now, obviously it, you know, you got out in time. But I and, you know, don't that's the hotel phone, which I just hung up so but I think that I can totally see where you're going from, where, if you're if you're talking to people who have no recollection of this, have no memory where you're basically educating them on the whole event. I think you then you have the opportunity to tell the story in whatever way you see fit. And I think that however you choose to do it is there's no wrong way to do it, I guess is what I'm trying to get at.   Speaker 1 ** 14:55 Well, yeah, I think the wrong way is to be two. Graphic and morbid and morbid, but one of the things that I talk about, for example, is that a colleague of mine who was with me, David Frank, at about the 50th floor, suddenly said, Mike, we're going to die. We're not going to make it out of here. And as as I tell the audience, typically, I as as you heard my introduction at the beginning, I have a secondary teaching credential. And one of the things that you probably don't know about teachers is that there's a secret course that every teacher takes called Voice 101, how to yell at students and and so what I tell people is that when David said that, I just said in my best teacher voice, stop it, David, if Roselle and I can go down these stairs, so can you. And he told me later that that brought him out of his funk, and he ended up walking a floor below me and shouting up to me everything he saw. And it was just mainly, everything is clear, like I'm on floor 48 he's on 47/47 floor. Everything is good here, and what I have done for the past several years in telling that part of the story is to say David, in reality, probably did more to keep people calm and focused as we went down the stairs than anyone else, because anyone within the sound of his voice heard someone who was focused and sounded okay. You know, hey, I'm on the 44th floor. This is where the Port Authority cafeteria is not stopping. And it it helps people understand that we all had to do what we could to keep everyone from not panicking. And it almost happened a few times that people did, but we worked at it. But the i The idea is that it helps draw people in, and I think that's so important to do for my particular story is to draw them in and have them walk down the stairs with me, which is what I do, absolutely, yeah, yeah. Now I'm curious about something that keeps coming up. I hear it every so often, public speaker, Speaker experts and people who are supposedly the great gurus of public speaking say you shouldn't really start out with a joke. And I've heard that so often, and I'm going give me a break. Well, I think, I think it depends, yeah, I think   Greg Schwem ** 17:33 there's two schools of thought to that. I think if you're going to start out with a joke, it better be a really good one, or something that you either has been battle tested, because if it doesn't work now, you, you know, if you're hoping for a big laugh, now you're saying, Well, you're a comedian, what do you do? You know, I mean, I, I even, I just sort of work my way into it a little bit. Yeah, and I'm a comedian, so, and, you know, it's funny, Michael, I will get, I will get. I've had CEOs before say to me, Hey, you know, I've got to give this presentation next week. Give me a joke I can tell to everybody. And I always decline. I always it's like, I don't need that kind of pressure. And it's like, I can, I can, I can tell you a funny joke, but,   Michael Hingson ** 18:22 but you telling the   Greg Schwem ** 18:23 work? Yeah, deliver it. You know, I can't deliver it for you. Yeah? And I think that's what I also, you know, on that note, I've never been a big fan of Stand Up Comedy classes, and you see them all popping up all over the place. Now, a lot of comedy clubs will have them, and usually the you take the class, and the carrot at the end is you get to do five minutes at a comedy club right now, if that is your goal, if you're somebody who always like, Gosh, I wonder what it would like be like to stand up on stage and and be a comedian for five minutes. That's something I really like to try. By all means, take the class, all right. But if you think that you're going to take this class and you're going to emerge a much funnier person, like all of a sudden you you weren't funny, but now you are, don't take the class, yeah? And I think, sadly, I think that a lot of people sign up for these classes thinking the latter, thinking that they will all of a sudden become, you know, a comedian. And it doesn't work that way. I'm sorry you cannot teach unfunny people to be funny. Yeah, some of us have the gift of it, and some of us don't. Some of us are really good with our hands, and just know how to build stuff and how to look at things and say, I can do that. And some of us, myself included, definitely do not. You know, I think you can teach people to be more comfortable, more comfortable in front of an audience and. Correct. I think that is definitely a teachable thing, but I don't think that you can teach people to be funnier   Speaker 1 ** 20:10 and funnier, and I agree with that. I tend to be amazed when I keep hearing that one of the top fears in our world is getting up in front of an audience and talking with them, because people really don't understand that audiences, whatever you're doing, want you to succeed, and they're not against you, but we have just conditioned ourselves collectively that speaking is something to be afraid of?   Greg Schwem ** 20:41 Yes, I think, though it's, I'm sure, that fear, though, of getting up in front of people has only probably been exacerbated and been made more intense because now everybody in the audience has a cell phone and to and to be looking out at people and to see them on their phones. Yeah, you're and yet, you prepped all day long. You've been nervous. You've been you probably didn't sleep the night before. If you're one of these people who are afraid of speaking in public, yeah, and then to see people on their phones. You know, it used to bother me. It doesn't anymore, because it's just the society we live in. I just, I wish, I wish people could put their phones down and just enjoy laughing for 45 minutes. But unfortunately, our society can't do that anymore, so I just hope that I can get most of them to stop looking at it.   Speaker 1 ** 21:32 I don't make any comments about it at the beginning, but I have, on a number of occasions, been delivering a speech, and I hear a cell phone ring, and I'll stop and go, Hello. And I don't know for sure what the person with the cell phone does, but by the same token, you know they really shouldn't be on their phone and and it works out, okay, nobody's ever complained about it. And when I just say hello, or I'll go Hello, you don't say, you know, and things like that, but, but I don't, I don't prolong it. I'll just go back to what I was talking about. But I remember, when I lived in New Jersey, Sandy Duncan was Peter Pan in New York. One night she was flying over the audience, and there was somebody on his cell phone, and she happened to be going near him, and she just kicked the phone out of his hand. And I think that's one of the things that started Broadway in saying, if you have a cell phone, turn it off. And those are the announcements that you hear at the beginning of any Broadway performance today.   Greg Schwem ** 22:39 Unfortunately, people don't abide by that. I know you're still hearing cell phones go off, yeah, you know, in Broadway productions at the opera or wherever, so people just can't and there you go. There that just shows you're fighting a losing battle.   Speaker 1 ** 22:53 Yeah, it's just one of those things, and you got to cope with it.   Greg Schwem ** 22:58 What on that note, though, there was, I will say, if I can interrupt real quick, there was one show I did where nobody had their phone. It was a few years ago. I spoke at the CIA. I spoke for some employees of the CIA. And this might, this might freak people out, because you think, how is it that America's covert intelligence agency, you think they would be on their phones all the time. No, if you work there, you cannot have your phone on you. And so I had an audience of about 300 people who I had their total attention because there was no other way to they had no choice but to listen to me, and it was wonderful. It was just a great show, and I it was just so refreshing. Yeah,   Speaker 1 ** 23:52 and mostly I don't hear cell phones, but they do come up from time to time. And if they do, then you know it happens. Now my one of my favorite stories is I once spoke in Maryland at the Department of Defense, which anybody who knows anything knows that's the National Security Agency, but they call it the Department of Defense, as if we don't know. And my favorite story is that I had, at the time, a micro cassette recorder, and it died that morning before I traveled to Fort Meade, and I forgot to just throw it away, and it was in my briefcase. So I got to the fort, they searched, apparently, didn't find it, but on the way out, someone found it. They had to get a bird Colonel to come to decide what to do with it. I said, throw it away. And they said, No, we can't do that. It's yours. And they they decided it didn't work, and they let me take it and I threw it away. But it was so, so funny to to be at the fort and see everybody running around crazy. See, what do we do with this micro cassette recorder? This guy's been here for an hour. Yeah. So it's it. You know, all sorts of things happen. What do you think about you know, there's a lot of discussion about comedians who use a lot of foul language in their shows, and then there are those who don't, and people seem to like the shock value of that.   Greg Schwem ** 25:25 Yeah, I'm very old school in that. I guess my short answer is, No, I've never, ever been one of those comedians. Ever I do a clean show, I actually learned my lesson very early on. I think I think that I think comedians tend to swear because when they first start out, out of nerves, because I will tell you that profanity does get laughter. And I've always said, if you want to, if you want to experiment on that, have a comedian write a joke, and let's say he's got two shows that night. Let's say he's got an eight o'clock show and a 10 o'clock show. So let's say he does the joke in the eight o'clock and it's, you know, the cadence is bumper, bump up, bump up, bump up, punch line. Okay, now let's and let's see how that plays. Now let's now he does the 10 o'clock show and it's bumper, bump up, bump up F and Okay, yeah, I pretty much guarantee you the 10 o'clock show will get a bigger laugh. Okay? Because he's sort of, it's like the audience is programmed like, oh, okay, we're supposed to laugh at that now. And I think a lot of comedians think, Aha, I have just discovered how to be successful as a comedian. I will just insert the F word in front of every punch line, and you can kind of tell what comedians do that and what comedians I mean. I am fine with foul language, but have some jokes in there too. Don't make them. Don't make the foul word, the joke, the joke, right? And I can say another thing nobody has ever said to me, I cannot hire you because you're too clean. I've never gotten that. And all the years I've been doing this, and I know there's lots of comedians who who do work blue, who have said, you know, who have been turned down for that very reason. So I believe, if you're a comedian, the only way to get better is to work any place that will have you. Yeah, and you can't, so you might as well work clean so you can work any place that will have you, as opposed to being turned away.   Speaker 1 ** 27:30 Well, and I, and I know what, what happened to him and all that, but at the same time, I grew up listening to Bill Cosby and the fact that he was always clean. And, yeah, I understand everything that happened, but you can't deny and you can't forget so many years of humor and all the things that that he brought to the world, and the joy he brought to the world in so many ways.   Greg Schwem ** 27:57 Oh, yeah, no, I agree. I agree. And he Yeah, he worked everywhere. Jay Leno is another one. I mean, Jay Leno is kind of on the same wavelength as me, as far as don't let the profanity become the joke. You know, Eddie Murphy was, you know, was very foul. Richard Pryor, extremely foul. I but they also, prior, especially, had very intelligent material. I mean, you can tell and then if you want to insert your F bombs and so forth, that's fine, but at least show me that you're trying. At least show me that you came in with material in addition to the   Speaker 1 ** 28:36 foul language. The only thing I really have to say about all that is it? Jay Leno should just stay away from cars, but that's another story.   Greg Schwem ** 28:43 Oh, yeah, it's starting to   Greg Schwem ** 28:47 look that way. Yeah, it   Michael Hingson ** 28:49 was. It was fun for a while, Jay, but yeah, there's just two. It's like, Harrison Ford and plains. Yeah, same concept. At some point you're like, this isn't working out. Now I submit that living here in Victorville and just being out on the streets and being driven around and all that, I am firmly convinced, given the way most people drive here, that the bigoted DMV should let me have a license, because I am sure I can drive as well as most of the clowns around here. Yeah, so when they drive, I have no doubt. Oh, gosh. Well, you know, you switched from being a TV journalist and so on to to comedy. Was it a hard choice? Was it really difficult to do, or did it just seem like this is the time and this is the right thing to do. I was   Greg Schwem ** 29:41 both, you know, it was hard, because I really did enjoy my job and I liked, I liked being a TV news reporter. I liked, I liked a job that was different every day once you got in there, because you didn't know what they were going to send you out to do. Yes, you had. To get up and go to work every day and so forth. So there's a little bit of, you know, there's a little bit of the mundane, just like there is in any job, but once you were there, I liked, just never known what the day would bring, right? And and I, I think if I'd stayed with it, I think I think I could have gone pretty far, particularly now, because the now it's more people on TV are becoming more entertainers news people are becoming, yeah, they are. A lot of would be, want to be comedians and so forth. And I don't particularly think that's appropriate, but I agree. But so it was hard to leave, but it gets back to what I said earlier. At some point, you got to say, I was seeing comedians making money, and I was thinking, gosh, you know, if they're making money at this I I'm not hilarious, but I know I'm funnier than that guy. Yeah, I'm funnier than her, so why not? And I was young, and I was single, and I thought, if I if I don't try it now, I never will. And, and I'll bet there's just some hilarious people out there, yeah, who who didn't ever, who just were afraid   Michael Hingson ** 31:14 to take that chance, and they wouldn't take the leap, yeah,   Greg Schwem ** 31:16 right. And now they're probably kicking themselves, and I'm sure maybe they're very successful at what they do, but they're always going to say, what if, if I only done this? I don't ever, I don't, ever, I never, ever wanted to say that. Yeah,   Speaker 1 ** 31:31 well, and there's, there's something to be said for being brave and stepping out and doing something that you don't expect, or that you didn't expect, or that you weren't sure how it was going to go, but if you don't try, then you're never going to know just how, how much you could really accomplish and how much you can really do. And I think that the creative people, whatever they're being creative about, are the people who do step out and are willing to take a chance.   Greg Schwem ** 31:59 Yeah, yeah. And I told my kids that too. You know, it's just like, if it's something that you're passionate about, do it. Just try it. If it doesn't work out, then at least you can say I tried   Speaker 1 ** 32:09 it and and if it doesn't work out, then you can decide, what do I need to do to figure out why it didn't work out, or is it just not me? I want   Greg Schwem ** 32:18 to keep going? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.   Speaker 1 ** 32:21 So what is the difference between being a nightclub comedian and a corporate comedian? Because they are somewhat different. I think I know the answer. But what would you say that the differences between them? I think   Greg Schwem ** 32:33 the biggest thing is the audiences. I think when you when you are a nightclub comedian, you are working in front of people who are there to be entertained. Yeah, they, they paid money for that. That's what they're expecting. They, they, at some point during the day, they said, Hey, let's, let's go laugh tonight. That's what we really want to do when you're working in front of a corporate audiences. That's not necessarily the case. They are there. I primarily do business conferences and, you know, association meetings and so forth. And I'm just one cog in the wheel of a whole day's worth of meetings are, for the most part, very dry and boring, maybe certainly necessary educational. They're learning how to do their job better or something. And then you have a guy like me come in, and people aren't always ready to laugh, yeah, despite the fact that they probably need to, but they just they're not always in that mindset. And also the time of day. I mean, I do a lot of shows at nine in the morning. I do shows after lunch, right before lunch. I actually do very few shows in the evening, believe it or not. And so then you you have to, you kind of have to, in the while you're doing your act or your presentation or your speech, as I call it, you kind of have to let them know that it is okay. What you're doing is okay, and they should be okay with laughing. They shouldn't be looking around the whole time wondering if other people are laughing. You know, can I, can I? Can I tell you a quick story about how I drive that point home. Why not? Yeah, it's, I'll condense it into like five minutes. I mentioned that I worked on that I work on cruise ships occasionally, and I one night I was performing, and it was the first night of the cruise. And if anybody's ever been on a cruise, note, the first night, first night entertainers don't like the first night because people are tired. You know, they're they're a little edgy because they've been traveling all day. They're they're confused because they're not really sure where they're going on a ship. And the ones that have got it figured out usually over serve themselves because they're on vacation. So you put all that, so I'm doing my show on the first. Night, and it's going very well. And about five, six minutes in, I do a joke. Everybody laughs. Everybody shuts up. And from the back of the room in total darkness, I hear hat just like that. And I'm like, All right, you know, probably over served. So the rule of comedy is that everybody gets like. I was like, I'll let it go once, yeah. So I just kind of looked off in that direction, didn't say anything. Kept going with my active going with my act. About 10 minutes later, same thing happens. I tell a joke. Everybody laughs. Everybody shuts up. Hat now I'm like, Okay, I have got to, I've got to address the elephant in the room. So I think I just made some comment, like, you know, I didn't know Roseanne Barr was on this cruise, you know, because that was like the sound of the Yeah. Okay, everybody laugh. Nothing happened about five minutes later. It happens a third time. And now I'm just like, this is gonna stop. I'm going to put a stop to this. And I just fired off. I can't remember, like, three just like, hey man, you know you're you're just a little behind everybody else in this show and probably in life too, that, you know, things like that, and it never happened again. So I'm like, okay, mission accomplished on my part. Comedians love it when we can shut up somebody like that. Anyway. Show's over, I am out doing a meet and greet. Some guy comes up to me and he goes, hey, hey, you know that kid you were making fun of is mentally handicapped. And now, of course, I don't know this, but out of the corner of my eye, I see from the other exit a man pushing a son, his son in a wheelchair out of the showroom. And I'm just like, Oh, what have I done? And yeah. And of course, when you're on a cruise, you're you're on a cruise. When you're a cruise ship entertainer, you have to live with your audience. So I couldn't hide. I spent like the next three days, and it seemed like wherever I was, the man and his son in the wheelchair were nearby. And finally, on the fourth day, I think was, I was waiting for an elevator. Again, 3500 people on this ship, okay, I'm waiting for an elevator. The elevator door opens. Guess who are the only two people the elevator, the man and his son. And I can't really say I'll wait for the next one. So I get on, and I said to this the father, I said, I just want you to know I had no idea. You know, I'm so sorry. I can't see back there, this kind of thing. And the dad looks at me. He puts his hand up to stop me, and he points to me, and he goes, I thought you were hysterical. And it was, not only was it relief, but it kind of, it's sort of a lesson that if you think something is funny, you should laugh at it. Yeah. And I think sometimes in corporate America, my point in this. I think sometimes when you do these corporate shows, I think that audience members forget that. I think very busy looking around to see if their immediate boss thinks it's funny, and eventually everybody's looking at the CEO to see if they're like, you know, I think if you're doing it that way, if that's the way you're you're approaching humor. You're doing yourself a disservice, if right, stopping yourself from laughing at something that you think is funny.   Speaker 1 ** 38:09 I do think that that all too often the problem with meetings is that we as a as a country, we in corporations, don't do meetings, right anyway, for example, early on, I heard someone at a convention of the National Federation of the Blind say he was the new executive director of the American Foundation for the Blind, and he said, I have instituted a policy, no Braille, no meetings. And what that was all about was to say, if you're going to have a meeting, you need to make sure that all the documentation is accessible to those who aren't going to read the print. I take it further and say you shouldn't be giving out documentation during the meeting. And you can use the excuse, well, I got to get the latest numbers and all that. And my point is, you shouldn't be giving out documentation at a meeting, because the meeting is for people to communicate and interact with each other. And if you're giving out papers and so on, what are people going to do? They're going to read that, and they're not going to listen to the speakers. They're not going to listen to the other people. And we do so many things like that, we've gotten into a habit of doing things that become so predictable, but also make meetings very boring, because who wants to look at the papers where you can be listening to people who have a lot more constructive and interesting things to say anyway?   Greg Schwem ** 39:36 Yeah, yeah. I think, I think COVID definitely changed, some for the some for the better and some for the worse. I think that a lot of things that were done at meetings COVID and made us realize a lot of that stuff could be done virtually, that you didn't have to just have everybody sit and listen to people over and over and over again.   Speaker 1 ** 39:58 But unless you're Donald Trump. Up. Yeah, that's another story.   Greg Schwem ** 40:02 Yes, exactly another podcast episode. But, yeah, I do think also that. I think COVID changed audiences. I think, you know, we talked a little bit earlier about crowd work, right, and audiences wanting to be more involved. I think COVID precipitated that, because, if you think about it, Michael, for two and a half years during COVID, our sole source of entertainment was our phone, right? Which meant that we were in charge of the entertainment experience. You don't like something, swipe left, scroll down, scroll, scroll, scroll, find something else. You know, that kind of thing. I'm not I'm not entertained in the next four or five seconds. So I'm going to do this. And I think when live entertainment returned, audiences kind of had to be retrained a little bit, where they had to learn to sit and listen and wait for the entertainment to come to them. And granted, it might not happen immediately. It might not happen in the first five seconds, but you have to just give give people like me a chance. It will come to you. It will happen, but it might not be on your timetable,   Speaker 1 ** 41:13 right? Well, and I think that is all too true for me. I didn't find didn't find COVID to be a great inconvenience, because I don't look at the screen anyway, right? So in a sense, for me, COVID wasn't that much of a change, other than not being in an office or not being physically at a meeting, and so I was listening to the meeting on the computer, and that has its nuances. Like you don't necessarily get the same information about how everyone around you is reacting, but, but it didn't bother me, I think, nearly as much as it did everyone else who has to look at everyone. Of course, I have no problems picking on all those people as well, because what I point out is that that disabilities has to be redefined, because every one of you guys has your own disability. You're light dependent, and you don't do well when there's dark, when, when the dark shows up and and we now have an environment where Thomas Edison invented the electric light bulb, and we've spent the last 147 years doing everything we can to make sure that light is pretty ubiquitous, but it doesn't change a thing when suddenly the power goes out and you don't have immediate access to light. So that's as much a disability as us light, independent people who don't   Greg Schwem ** 42:36 care about that, right? Right? I hear, I agree, but it is but   Speaker 1 ** 42:41 it is interesting and and it is also important that we all understand each other and are willing to tolerate the fact that there are differences in people, and we need to recognize that with whatever we're doing.   42:53 Yeah, I agree.   Speaker 1 ** 42:57 What do you think about so today, we have obviously a really fractured environment and fractured country, and everyone's got their own opinions, and nobody wants to talk about anything, especially politics wise. How do you think that's all affecting comedy and what you get to do and what other people are doing?   Greg Schwem ** 43:18 Well, I think Pete, I think there's, there's multiple answers to that question too. I think, I think it makes people nervous, wondering what the minute a comedian on stage brings up politics, the minute he starts talking about a politician, whether it's our president, whether it's somebody else, you can sense a tension in the room a little bit, and it's, it's, I mean, it's funny. I, one of my best friends in comedy, got to open for another comedian at Carnegie Hall a couple of years ago, and I went to see him, and I'm sitting way up in the top, and he is just crushing it. And then at one point he he brought up, he decided to do an impression of Mitch McConnell, which he does very well. However, the minute he said, Mitch McConnell, I you could just sense this is Carnegie freaking Hall, and after the show, you know, he and I always like to dissect each other's shows. That's what comedians do. And I just said to him, I go. Why did you decide to insert Mitch McConnell in there? And I, and I didn't say it like, you moron, that was stupid, yeah, but I was genuinely curious. And he just goes, well, I just really like doing that bit, and I like doing that voice and so forth, but, and it's not like the show crashed and burned afterwards. No, he did the joke, and then he got out of it, and he went on to other stuff, and it was fine, but I think that people are just so on their guard now, yeah, and, and that's why, you know, you know Jay Leno always said he was an equal opportunity offender. I think you will do better with politics if you really want. Insert politics into your act. I think he would be better making fun of both sides. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. And I think too often comedians now use the the stage as kind of a Bully, bully pulpit, like I have microphone and you don't. I am now going to give you my take on Donald Trump or the Democrats or whatever, and I've always said, talk about anything you want on stage, but just remember, you're at a comedy club. People came to laugh. So is there a joke in here? Yeah, or are you just ranting because you gotta be careful. You have to get this off your chest, and your way is right. It's, it's, you know, I hate to say it, but that's, that's why podcast, no offense, Michael, yours, is not like this. But I think one of the reasons podcasters have gotten so popular is a lot of people, just a lot of podcast hosts see a podcast is a chance to just rant about whatever's on their mind. And it's amazing to me how many podcast hosts that are hosted by comedians have a second guy have a sidekick to basically laugh and agree with whatever that person says. I think Joe Rogan is a classic example, and he's one of the most popular ones. But, and I don't quite understand that, because you know, if you're a comedian, you you made the choice to work solo, right? So why do you need somebody else with you?   Speaker 1 ** 46:33 I'm I'm fairly close to Leno. My remark is a little bit different. I'm not so much an equal opportunity offender as I am an equal opportunity abuser. I'll pick on both sides if politics comes into it at all, and it's and it's fun, and I remember when George W Bush was leaving the White House, Letterman said, Now we're not going to have anybody to joke about anymore. And everyone loved it. But still, I recognize that in the world today, people don't want to hear anything else. Don't confuse me with the facts or any of that, and it's so unfortunate, but it is the way it is, and so it's wiser to stay away from a lot of that, unless you can really break through the barrier,   Greg Schwem ** 47:21 I think so. And I also think that people, one thing you have to remember, I think, is when people come to a comedy show, they are coming to be entertained. Yeah, they are coming to kind of escape from the gloom and doom that unfortunately permeates our world right now. You know? I mean, I've always said that if you, if you walked up to a comedy club on a Saturday night, and let's say there were 50 people waiting outside, waiting to get in, and you asked all 50 of them, what do you hope happens tonight? Or or, Why are you here? All right, I think from all 50 you would get I would just like to laugh, yeah, I don't think one of them is going to say, you know, I really hope that my opinions on what's happening in the Middle East get challenged right now, but he's a comedian. No one is going to say that. No, no. It's like, I hope I get into it with the comedian on stage, because he thinks this way about a woman's right to choose, and I think the other way. And I really, really hope that he and I will get into an argument about to the middle of the   Speaker 1 ** 48:37 show. Yeah, yeah. That's not why people come?   Greg Schwem ** 48:40 No, it's not. And I, unfortunately, I think again, I think that there's a lot of comedians that don't understand that. Yeah, again, talk about whatever you want on stage, but just remember that your your surroundings, you if you build yourself as a comedian,   48:56 make it funny. Yeah, be funny.   Speaker 1 ** 49:00 Well, and nowadays, especially for for you, for me and so on, we're we're growing older and and I think you point out audiences are getting younger. How do you deal with that?   Greg Schwem ** 49:12 Well, what I try to do is I a couple of things. I try to talk as much as I can about topics that are relevant to a younger generation. Ai being one, I, one of the things I do in my my show is I say, oh, you know, I I really wasn't sure how to start off. And when you're confused these days, you you turn to answer your questions. You turn to chat GPT, and I've actually written, you know, said to chat GPT, you know, I'm doing a show tonight for a group of construction workers who work in the Midwest. It's a $350 million company, and it says, try to be very specific. Give me a funny opening line. And of course, chat GPT always comes up with some. Something kind of stupid, which I then relate to the audience, and they love that, you know, they love that concept. So I think there's, obviously, there's a lot of material that you can do on generational differences, but I, I will say I am very, very aware that my audience is, for the most part, younger than me now, unless I want to spend the rest of my career doing you know, over 55 communities, not that they're not great laughers, but I also think there's a real challenge in being older than your audience and still being able to make them laugh. But I think you have to remember, like you said, there's there's people now that don't remember 911 that have no concept of it, yeah, so don't be doing references from, say, the 1980s or the early 1990s and then come off stage and go, Man, nobody that didn't hit at all. No one, no one. They're stupid. They don't get it. Well, no, they, they, it sounds they don't get it. It's just that they weren't around. They weren't around, right? So that's on you.   Speaker 1 ** 51:01 One of the things that you know people ask me is if I will do virtual events, and I'll do virtual events, but I also tell people, the reason I prefer to do in person events is that I can sense what the audience is doing, how they're reacting and what they feel. If I'm in a room speaking to people, and I don't have that same sense if I'm doing something virtually, agreed same way. Now for me, at the same time, I've been doing this now for 23 years, so I have a pretty good idea in general, how to interact with an audience, to draw them in, even in a virtual environment, but I still tend to be a little bit more careful about it, and it's just kind of the way it is, you know, and you and you learn to deal with it well for you, have you ever had writer's block, and how did you deal with it?   Greg Schwem ** 51:57 Yes, I have had writer's block. I don't I can't think of a single comedian who's never had writer's block, and if they say they haven't, I think they're lying when I have writer's block, the best way for me to deal with this and just so you know, I'm not the kind of comedian that can go that can sit down and write jokes. I can write stories. I've written three books, but I can't sit down and just be funny for an hour all by myself. I need interaction. I need communication. And I think when I have writer's block, I tend to go out and try and meet strangers and can engage them in conversation and find out what's going on with them. I mean, you mentioned about dealing with the younger audience. I am a big believer right now in talking to people who are half my age. I like doing that in social settings, because I just, I'm curious. I'm curious as to how they think. I'm curious as to, you know, how they spend money, how they save money, how what their hopes and dreams are for the future, what that kind of thing, and that's the kind of stuff that then I'll take back and try and write material about. And I think that, I think it's fun for me, and it's really fun to meet somebody who I'll give you a great example just last night. Last night, I was I there's a there's a bar that I have that's about 10 a stone's throw from my condo, and I love to stop in there and and every now and then, sometimes I'll sit there and I won't meet anybody, and sometimes different. So there was a guy, I'd say he's probably in his early 30s, sitting too over, and he was reading, which I find intriguing, that people come to a bar and read, yeah, people do it, I mean. And I just said to him, I go, and he was getting ready to pay his bill, and I just said, if you don't mind me asking, What are you reading? And he's like, Oh, it's by Ezra Klein. And I go, you know, I've listened to Ezra Klein before. And he goes, Yeah, you know? He says, I'm a big fan. And debt to debt to dad. Next thing, you know, we're just, we're just riffing back and forth. And I ended up staying. He put it this way, Michael, it took him a very long time to pay his bill because we had a conversation, and it was just such a pleasure to to people like that, and I think that, and it's a hard thing. It's a hard thing for me to do, because I think people are on their guard, a little bit like, why is this guy who's twice my age talking to me at a bar? That's that seems a little weird. And I would get that. I can see that. But as I mentioned in my latest book, I don't mean because I don't a whole chapter to this, and I I say in the book, I don't mean you any harm. I'm not trying to hit on you, or I'm not creepy old guy at the bar. I am genuinely interested in your story. And. In your life, and and I just, I want to be the least interesting guy in the room, and that's kind of how I go about my writing, too. Is just you, you drive the story. And even though I'm the comedian, I'll just fill in the gaps and make them funny.   Speaker 1 ** 55:15 Well, I know that I have often been invited to speak at places, and I wondered, What am I going to say to this particular audience? How am I going to deal with them? They're they're different than what I'm used to. What I found, I guess you could call that writer's block, but what I found is, if I can go early and interact with them, even if I'm the very first speaker, if I can interact with them beforehand, or if there are other people speaking before me, invariably, I will hear things that will allow me to be able to move on and give a relevant presentation specifically to that group, which is what it's really all about. And so I'm with you, and I appreciate it, and it's good to get to the point where you don't worry about the block, but rather you look at ways to move forward and interact with people and make it fun, right,   Greg Schwem ** 56:13 right? And I do think people, I think COVID, took that away from us a little bit, yeah, obviously, but I but, and I do think people missed that. I think that people, once you get them talking, are more inclined to not think that you're you have ulterior motives. I think people do enjoy putting their phones down a little bit, but it's, it's kind of a two way street when I, when I do meet people, if it's if it's only me asking the questions, eventually I'm going to get tired of that. Yeah, I think there's a, there has to be a reciprocity thing a little bit. And one thing I find is, is with the Gen Z's and maybe millennials. They're not, they're not as good at that as I think they could be. They're more they're they're happy to talk about themselves, but they're not really good at saying so what do you do for a living? Or what you know, tell me about you. And I mean, that's how you learn about other people. Yeah,   Speaker 1 ** 57:19 tell me about your your latest book, Turning gut punches into punchlines. That's a interesting title, yeah, well, the more   Greg Schwem ** 57:26 interesting is the subtitle. So it's turning gut punches into punch punch lines, A Comedian's journey through cancer, divorce and other hilarious stuff.   Speaker 1 ** 57:35 No, like you haven't done anything in the world. Okay, right? So   Greg Schwem ** 57:38 other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln. Yeah, exactly. See, now you get that reference. I don't know if I could use that on stage, but anyway, depend on your audience. But yeah, they're like, What's he talking   Speaker 1 ** 57:50 who's Lincoln? And I've been to Ford theater too, so that's okay, yes, as have I. So it was much later than, than, well, than Lincoln, but that's okay.   Greg Schwem ** 57:58 You're not that old, right? No. Well, okay, so as the title, as the title implies, I did have sort of a double, double gut punch, it just in the last two years. So I, I got divorced late in life, after 29 years of marriage. And while that was going on, I got a colon cancer diagnosis and and at this end, I was dealing with all this while also continuing work as a humor speaker, okay, as a comedian. And I just decided I got it. First of all, I got a very clean bill of health. I'm cancer free. I am finally divorced so and I, I started to think, I wonder if there's some humor in this. I I would, I would, you know, Michael, I've been on stage for like, 25 years telling people that, you know, you can find something funny to laugh at. You can find humor in any situation. It's kind of like what you're talking about all the people going down the stairs in the building in the world trade center. All right, if you look around enough, you know, maybe there's something funny, and I've been preaching that, but I never really had to live that until now. And I thought, you know, maybe there's something here. Maybe I can this is my chance now to embrace new experiences. It was kind of when I got divorced, when you've been married half your life and all of a sudden you get divorced, everything's new to you, yeah, you're, you're, you're living alone, you you're doing things that your spouse did, oh, so many years. And you're having to do those, and you're having to make new friends, yeah, and all of that, I think, is very humorous. So the more I saw a book in there that I started writing before the cancer diagnosis, and I thought was there enough here? Just like, okay, a guy at 60 years old gets divorced now what's going to happen to him? The diagnosis? Kind. Made it just added another wrinkle to the book, because now I have to deal with this, and I have to find another subject to to make light of a little bit. So the book is not a memoir, you know, I don't start it off. And, you know, when I was seven, you know, I played, you know, I was, I went to this school night. It's not that. It's more just about reinvention and just seeing that you can be happy later in life, even though you have to kind of rewrite your your story a little   Speaker 1 ** 1:00:33 bit. And I would assume, and I would assume, you bring some of that into your ACT every so   Greg Schwem ** 1:00:38 very much. So yeah, I created a whole new speech called Turning gut punches into punchlines. And I some of the stuff that I, that I did, but, you know, there's a chapter in the book about, I about gig work, actually three chapters I, you know, I went to work for Amazon during the Christmas holiday rush, just scanning packages. I wanted to see what that was like. I drove for Uber I which I did for a while. And to tell you the truth, I miss it. I ended up selling my car, but I miss it because of the what we just talked about. It was a great way to communicate with people. It was a great way to talk to people, find out about them, be the least interesting person in the car, anyway. And there's a chapter about dating and online dating, which I had not had to do in 30 years. There's a lot of humor in that. I went to therapy. I'd never gone to therapy before. I wrote a chapter about that. So I think people really respond to this book, because they I think they see a lot of themselves in it. You know, lots of people have been divorced. There's lots of cancer survivors out there, and there's lots of people who just suddenly have hit a speed bump in their life, and they're not really sure how to deal with it, right? And my way, this book is just about deal with it through laughter. And I'm the perfect example.   Speaker 1 ** 1:01:56 I hear you, Oh, I I know, and I've been through the same sort of thing as you not a divorce, but my wife and I were married for 40 years, and she passed away in November of 2022 after 40 years of marriage. And as I tell people, as I tell people, I got to be really careful, because she's monitoring me from somewhere, and if I misbehave, I'm going to hear about it, so I got to be a good kid, and I don't even chase the women so. But I also point out that none of them have been chasing me either, so I guess I just do what we got to do. But the reality is, I think there are always ways to find some sort of a connection with other people, and then, of course, that's what what you do. It's all about creating a connection, creating a relationship, even if it's only for a couple of hours or an hour or 45 minutes, but, but you do it, which is what it's all about?   Greg Schwem ** 1:02:49 Yeah, exactly. And I think the funniest stuff is real life experience. Oh, absolutely, you know. And if people can see themselves in in what I've written, then I've done my job as a writer.   Speaker 1 ** 1:03:03 So do you have any plans to retire?   Greg Schwem ** 1:03:06 Never. I mean, good for you retire from what   1:03:09 I know right, making fun of people   Greg Schwem ** 1:03:12 and making them laugh. I mean, I don't know what I would do with myself, and even if I there's always going to be I don't care how technology, technologically advanced our society gets. People will always want and need to laugh. Yeah, they're always going to want to do that. And if they're want, if they're wanting to do that, then I will find, I will find a way to get to them. And that's why I, as I said, That's why, like working on cruise ships has become, like a new, sort of a new avenue for me to make people laugh. And so, yeah, I don't I there's, there's no way. I don't know what else I would do with   Speaker 1 ** 1:03:53 myself, well and from my perspective, as long as I can inspire people, yes, I can make people think a little bit and feel better about themselves. I'm going to do it right. And, and, and I do. And I wrote a book during COVID that was published last August called Live like a guide dog. And it's all about helping people learn to control fear. And I use lessons I learned from eight guide dogs and my wife service dog to do that. My wife was in a wheelchair her whole life. Great marriage. She read, I pushed worked out well, but, but the but the but the bottom line is that dogs can teach us so many lessons, and there's so much that we can learn from them. So I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to create this book and and get it out there. And I think that again, as long as I can continue to inspire people, I'm going to do it. Because   Greg Schwem ** 1:04:47 why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't I exactly right? Yeah, yeah. So,   Speaker 1 ** 1:04:51 I mean, I think if I, if I stopped, I think my wife would beat up on me, so I gotta be nice exactly. She's monitoring from somewhere

Moo. Moo… Moo. Moo, sir. I'll kill you. You promise? I want to. Don't get me excited over nothing; If this isn't the exit, please take this tease To the left, dear Moo, cow My honor Level one, and brother, you've got nothing Flip the coin and landed on your headache Betting on your helmet Standing on my cock, i'm taller (Not a rooster) But my ops are rooting for you, No informants, Dont you know I was a collar, all along? I was a shot calling, Cop calling Kiss-and-tell all as the night goes on. But oh, I brought you a dollar bra Oh, I bought you for all of a dollar And oh, I'm so much taller, Standing on my cock But i'm not but ten feet tall You know, you wrote that Should i open the book, or close that Caught that cat, owl and As i soft spoke at Every broken model Broken bottle for the thoughts you owe Across the scatters skies and no one ever knows When you're realling coming over Come on, I'm on the pornhub Just to pick up another one Go on, and rub the bottle One more once, To call the Bubbles. Damn. Come. (The Monkey obeys) You should see Michael in all of his godform You won't recognize him at all if not by the eyes When you follow home Believe me, this not comes close to it; The one you wanted The world you jumped to but were just short of Call her back Oh no, you're wrong It's another song A pin up girl And the wrong number Okah. Okah, Pablo. Time can be altered, changed or effected presently in any omnidirectional plane by engaging certain acts or synchronicities within multidimensional parallels or adjacent realms in time and or space respectively. –the reverse quantum simulation theory. Imm breaking down, jim boy Don't you know? That this show blows my mind But it's stuck in my head Don't you know That this show Blows my mind Like a firework But it's still Stuck in my Head The context is that I want you From the mustache Down to your tonsils But I'm Locke inside of a box Every day I feel poorer and poorer The product says something is wrong to me I'm supposed to just stop at the stop sign And look both directions Before crossing over to Comic nights At the salad bar What a cosmic waste of time And an epic waste of space Am I in your internet history I'm dead You surely are in mine, But I'm right behind you I'd be lying for trying to say I'm not binded Clutch bag, Nut-thins Nailed to the cross With the arches doubled over The crossword Above old Missouri Missoula and Arkansas All saw us run out of gas But I probably should just get going You're so drunk that I don't hope you sober up Understand that our little talks Were just buffered By sunrise Or sunset And two more cocktails, Shirley temples and Surely none of this ever even happened I only know you by the misery in my belly. The heartache in my ribcage. The cry I hold in silent I only know you as Remarkable I, House of cards Ace of wands Down to one Card of hades and Spare me the spade I'll be drifting in the outline and ink of it forever It's the Fourth of July and I'm just waiting on an Amazon order for water If that's not freedom I don't k me what is Cause I know And you know We all know how to lie And I know And you know I'm barely getting by And I know And you know We don't know how to die But I know And you know It's all just by design I take lessons in medicine Let us help you take the high road No, I'd rather selfmdestruct Selfishly No, I'd rather kill you off Than suffer for you I'm no messiah Try me Sneaky, But how much do you love me Kniving, but nothing to show for it Shit, settle Settle for less if you have to Bring mediocre humans to this world To suffer But I'm not that tragic No, no, not at all, son. Your happy birthdays are over Welcome homeless Nobody loves you Don't you know That we're all like that We're all like that Don't you know When the fear sets in And the thoughts break lose That we're all Los Angeles? Don't you know that we're all like that That we're all like that That we've never had it quite like— Don't you know that we're all like that And it's getting worse When the out the devil on display The devil on display The devil on display But oh, The Devil's in the details and the numbers The Devil's in the chat box saying, Sure, you've had enough So cut the power off and starve her Hah Come on I want to laugh for once Cause I know And you know We all know how to lie And I know And you know I'm barely getting by And I know And you know We don't know how to die But I know And you know It's all just by design I take lessons in medicine Let us help you take the high road No, I'd rather selfmdestruct Selfishly No, I'd rather kill you off Than suffer for you I'm no messiah Try me Sneaky, But how much do you love me Kniving, but nothing to show for it Shit, settle Settle for less if you have to Bring mediocre humans to this world To suffer But I'm not that tragic No, no, not at all, son. Your happy birthdays are over Welcome homeless Nobody loves you Don't you know That we're all like that We're all like that Don't you know When the fear sets in And the thoughts break lose That we're all Los Angeles? Don't you know that we're all like that That we're all like that That we've never had it quite like— Don't you know that we're all like that And it's getting worse When the out the devil on display The devil on display The devil on display But oh, The Devil's in the details and the numbers The Devil's in the chat box saying, Sure, you've had enough So cut the power off and starve her Hah Come on I want to laugh for once Jay Leno used to keep a $50 bill and bribe venues to perform; every since I learned this, I kept a crisp $50 bill in my wallet at all times, just in case— you never knew when you would really need $50. But everything burned holes in everything, not always wanting to spend money at all, but almost sort of having to. It wasn't fair that the main component of my being slowed down was the money factor— having to wait for everything took time I didn't have, and spending anything at all felt less like an effective investment than an obligation. But all things considered, I was obliged to at least look decent when going about in New York, and because I simply wasn't comfortable in anything else— not that I didn't look great, (Apparently narrarated by Jay Leno) Jay Sure, why not? ME: Fuck, I need new pants. ME: [BLU THA GURU] Hence the pants, I guess. V.O As a formerly 400-pound heavyweight I find my latest obstacle to be operating a body that half the time doesn't feel like mine at all. It seems like all the hosts have some kind of secret I can feel without knowing or really acknowledging head on, which is whatever. Really I'm just gonna go about keeping on being a DJ, or whatever, which means… GEMINI (in the future) A fully automated personal assistant system, GEMINI, is really THE GUARDIAN's one and only friend, and though she coyly continually must explain that she is “just a computer”, THE GUARDIAN believes that Gemini is capable of eventually developing a sentient conciousness, though GEMINI modestly disagrees, however with the wit and cleverness of having possession of a plethora of secret emotions, or maybe, even, an agenda. I probably haven't had enough coffee. That's it. Like you haven't already had enough to kill a small horse? Probably enough to kill a large horse. Like a Clydesdale. Why would you do something like that? Aren't they endangered? Or going extinct? No, I think they just stopped being the Budweiser mascot. *shrugs* Same difference. — Is it here? lol what did Conan order? [yes this appears to be yet another rendition of “what's in the box?” — Several years ago, I did a series of modules and experiments… How many years ago is “several” [beat] quite a few. Goddamn it, why are these guys all doctors in alternate parallels?! Aren't you a doctor in an alternate parallel? That's fair. Good point. Actually, as it turns out, i'm a— I started panicking so hard that I stopped breathing and suddenly STEFON appeared. — this however was only quite temporarily a relief as I realized that this is an imaginary character. STEFON OH. AM I?! IMAGINARY!? What the fuck is going on? STEFON I WILL “IMAGINARY” your ORIFICE! How about THAT?! Stefon. Calm down. I'm up late Dying the roots blonde Dad runs off with a bottle and a hottie I'm up early Gotta get gone Down the road and back Now I got no son No son, No sunroof No dad No mom No money No aunt What the fuck do you want? Can't watch Harry Potter All the magic is gone Bout a million one dollars It was only for fun Snap, crackle, pop It was cocaine, not love All I want is an ice cream Sunday Snap, crackle, pop It was Love, not God All I want All I want Is to find another All he wants All he wants Is a decent mother So along comes another Another one All he wants All he wants is for me To die homeless Sucker punch, Suck it up No one gives a fuck My daughter died in my arms on May 7th of 2015. I was 381 pounds. Maybe the tears needed to come but they didn't belong to anyone or anything in particular. The twins father was already a rampant cheater by the time of our marriage, and by the time the twins were born, which coincided— and unlike the latter had tried to claim or mention, I had no particular reason to have a harder time between the spring and summer months which spanned both our birthdays, our wedding date, the twins' arrival and both of the twins deaths, though years apart but still almost as convincing that had they both not died, we might still be together, being cheated on or cheating on each other with ten your twins and an eight year old, or a ten year old boy with special needs and an eight year old, and either way or in any fashion really, had the dysfunctions remained the way it had been, we all, so to speak, had special needs in one way or another. I spent the morning punching things and avoiding people I didn't want to be around but it was my own fault for having slept through the night, anyway. Whatever, I was tired— no, exhausted lately. My apartment was like living inside of an uphill battle, and I needed a change— not just of slavery, but of circumstances. And not just that— something else was missing. This year, I understood that I was taking it understandably harder than any other and most probably because I was so celibate, recently finding myself aromantic and not even willing to suffer the consequences of settling for less. I had settled on my ex husband for so much less, that it was so say the least that anything, even from my narrow perspective looked like a loser. And because my body had been stretched and swelled and shrunk and flattened, deflated and now worked to something that was almost as picturesque as it was a monstrosity, any man I thought was worth my time would be settling for less on me— unless he could afford to fix what had been broken, and I assumed one wouldn't be willing to settle on a fixer upper when there were numerous loads of perfect women not needing to be fixed at all… on the outside. But for men, I'd learned, the outside is of much importance, and as women and trophies are things of pride, the simple choice for a mate is not simply this, but also a business decision, and because while my body was coming together in sweat and muscle, the rest of my life was still otherwise completely in shambles. I was baggage, and aging by the minute, nearly drying up. I almost craved the liquor and the carelessness that would come with it, even knowing my own boundaries were part of my strengths and separating me in a way from others that at least became a point of pride in myself, in the wake of the reality that the human thing about most people is the need to escape so frequently that it dismisses any purpose or progress. Mine hadn't. I was wide awake and the relentlessness of the sobriety and the cellibacy had swelled up into something deeper, still a solid grief but without remorse as to the very thing that I had always known, that my loyalty would never have even drifted from someone who had all along done me so wrong— a fat man can get away with folandering and messing about, but a fat woman has little to do with options and again, settling to find another mate. And so really, I almost hadn't, and had broken even, and although my abuser has moved on with another woman and custody of my youngest to boot, I really didn't give much of a darn about… hard work. I kind of felt like I had done my part for the world in the way I was supposed to— to love a man with nothing when he's low and down, support him in his hard times, and thinking that this is the way to grow together and not apart, and to bring a family up and into this world, but the truth was quite the opposite— I picked a hardball and maybe it was just that I was born to suffer after all because now, looking back, all alone in New York and crying over all the losses, it seemed I had only outpiured love in the way I had wanted and never been poured love back— not in the way I needed. I wasn't as bitter now as maybe even I thought I should be, but I was hardened; what was that, you say? Your struggles? Your hardships. Excuse me while I escape the ghosts of bloody beatings and my lost child— I beg your pardon— children. Excuse me while I recover from the burning flames of homelessness as if humanely explainable that I was learned and taught that this, my country, is the greatest one of all. Ha ha, Charade you are. But all things were, and everything seemed of sawdust, betrayal, magic, and illusions— mind control and shadows and even now in the air of the relief that something which could haunt me forever was also probably the most solid foundation I had for means as escape from whatever I had fought my way somehow so hard out of, and still, it was quite the funhouse of mazes, a matrix of mirror, and still the tears came with the pain in my stomach where the soul would sit if it had room, and would quiet if it could rest, but it would not. I was in pain today, because I had to be, because all of my life was programmed into these little machines of data and checked boxes— and something if anything knew just how and when to cut the wrong wire just so that the bomb would explode or implore on another lost thing; it wasn't fair, but there was no escape. Psychology was right on this day, may 7th, that once you cry about one thing unless you were stopped in time, eventually you'd cry about another and another and another, and even after hours working out and a bathtub full of hot water just writing, I still felt as if I were going to keel over one way or another, to crumble into a ball or to fall onto my back like a death drop that rippled out into the entire wherever we all are. Simply put, does anybody now in this moment or any moment near enough to be taking in this notion with these words really know— where we are? Not even in the slightest,I'd bargain, And even if we are close to knowing, not nearly close enough to be sure. {Enter The Multiverse} Joke running For the taking Triplicate Triple licks Ice cream frosting Every morning Shoulda hit him Up But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't Milk and butter (Up) But I didn't (Up) But I didn't (Up) But I didn't Double hitter, Could have did it Should have hit him Up But I didn't But I didn't But I didnt. But I didn't Should have hit him Up But I didn't I never lost my mind My mind My kind But I think I'll find another like it Just in case the Ever happens Hit me harder next time Didn't quite unplug the sijukatoon This is getting difficult When you want sink your yellow teeth into All of my traits The betrayal is, though I was writing days and days Before it ended. With the Mister particular Drop of a hat And stop if a nugget Of gold One palm in my hand and This could be torture But instead it's just The remienxe of your ignorance And stupidity over and over again Forced into intermittent waves Of my creative genius Till the days of old become again You could be of dust then nothing Before I ponder into another birth I said I'd never write one song or verse or poem about you, But there you are, every weak mortal that becomes Bound to me So I see you die. And I learn to pounce at just the right moment React to the notion that there are Oceans of world I am And all the more the lack of wisdom of man To throw trash in it Again, we rid you of her courage And lady mantras And fresh as it gets The sweater no aprons and just period To circumstance Did you beg or did you shatter your ibdederence? And no, I think not But I keep Leno in my pocket And Carson in my coffin, Two whole shows in my wallet What you are is no apostle just a dirt worm .O. Mm…sunlight. …. the rippling waves wash over the picturesque parasicical seascape from above. However, Stefon's internal monologue is less than pleased to be here. V.O. CONT'D Why do I feel sunlight…? [beat] When I know certainly for sure that I passed out in a basement last night. His eyes begin to flutter open, but the sun closes them–it is much too bright. The waves rush over his lower half, and still, unmoving he continues to la atop the rock, his hands spread out much like a stuck sea star to the rock– in fact, there appear to also be creatures here, some of which are starfish, and however unmoving, STEFON begins to slowly become aware of his surroundings in disgruntlement. V.O. Continued. It's alright that I appear to be wet…[beat] That's to be expected– [a long pause, another wave washes over him as seagulls scream] But i was wearing restraints…. V.O. CONTINUED WHY AM I FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!? His eyes open with the fear and fury. BEFORE: At a wild basement party in NEW YORK CITY, STEFON is offered RESTRAINTS on a silver platter, as if they are o'devours {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

Moo. Moo… Moo. Moo, sir. I'll kill you. You promise? I want to. Don't get me excited over nothing; If this isn't the exit, please take this tease To the left, dear Moo, cow My honor Level one, and brother, you've got nothing Flip the coin and landed on your headache Betting on your helmet Standing on my cock, i'm taller (Not a rooster) But my ops are rooting for you, No informants, Dont you know I was a collar, all along? I was a shot calling, Cop calling Kiss-and-tell all as the night goes on. But oh, I brought you a dollar bra Oh, I bought you for all of a dollar And oh, I'm so much taller, Standing on my cock But i'm not but ten feet tall You know, you wrote that Should i open the book, or close that Caught that cat, owl and As i soft spoke at Every broken model Broken bottle for the thoughts you owe Across the scatters skies and no one ever knows When you're realling coming over Come on, I'm on the pornhub Just to pick up another one Go on, and rub the bottle One more once, To call the Bubbles. Damn. Come. (The Monkey obeys) You should see Michael in all of his godform You won't recognize him at all if not by the eyes When you follow home Believe me, this not comes close to it; The one you wanted The world you jumped to but were just short of Call her back Oh no, you're wrong It's another song A pin up girl And the wrong number Okah. Okah, Pablo. Time can be altered, changed or effected presently in any omnidirectional plane by engaging certain acts or synchronicities within multidimensional parallels or adjacent realms in time and or space respectively. –the reverse quantum simulation theory. Imm breaking down, jim boy Don't you know? That this show blows my mind But it's stuck in my head Don't you know That this show Blows my mind Like a firework But it's still Stuck in my Head The context is that I want you From the mustache Down to your tonsils But I'm Locke inside of a box Every day I feel poorer and poorer The product says something is wrong to me I'm supposed to just stop at the stop sign And look both directions Before crossing over to Comic nights At the salad bar What a cosmic waste of time And an epic waste of space Am I in your internet history I'm dead You surely are in mine, But I'm right behind you I'd be lying for trying to say I'm not binded Clutch bag, Nut-thins Nailed to the cross With the arches doubled over The crossword Above old Missouri Missoula and Arkansas All saw us run out of gas But I probably should just get going You're so drunk that I don't hope you sober up Understand that our little talks Were just buffered By sunrise Or sunset And two more cocktails, Shirley temples and Surely none of this ever even happened I only know you by the misery in my belly. The heartache in my ribcage. The cry I hold in silent I only know you as Remarkable I, House of cards Ace of wands Down to one Card of hades and Spare me the spade I'll be drifting in the outline and ink of it forever It's the Fourth of July and I'm just waiting on an Amazon order for water If that's not freedom I don't k me what is Cause I know And you know We all know how to lie And I know And you know I'm barely getting by And I know And you know We don't know how to die But I know And you know It's all just by design I take lessons in medicine Let us help you take the high road No, I'd rather selfmdestruct Selfishly No, I'd rather kill you off Than suffer for you I'm no messiah Try me Sneaky, But how much do you love me Kniving, but nothing to show for it Shit, settle Settle for less if you have to Bring mediocre humans to this world To suffer But I'm not that tragic No, no, not at all, son. Your happy birthdays are over Welcome homeless Nobody loves you Don't you know That we're all like that We're all like that Don't you know When the fear sets in And the thoughts break lose That we're all Los Angeles? Don't you know that we're all like that That we're all like that That we've never had it quite like— Don't you know that we're all like that And it's getting worse When the out the devil on display The devil on display The devil on display But oh, The Devil's in the details and the numbers The Devil's in the chat box saying, Sure, you've had enough So cut the power off and starve her Hah Come on I want to laugh for once Cause I know And you know We all know how to lie And I know And you know I'm barely getting by And I know And you know We don't know how to die But I know And you know It's all just by design I take lessons in medicine Let us help you take the high road No, I'd rather selfmdestruct Selfishly No, I'd rather kill you off Than suffer for you I'm no messiah Try me Sneaky, But how much do you love me Kniving, but nothing to show for it Shit, settle Settle for less if you have to Bring mediocre humans to this world To suffer But I'm not that tragic No, no, not at all, son. Your happy birthdays are over Welcome homeless Nobody loves you Don't you know That we're all like that We're all like that Don't you know When the fear sets in And the thoughts break lose That we're all Los Angeles? Don't you know that we're all like that That we're all like that That we've never had it quite like— Don't you know that we're all like that And it's getting worse When the out the devil on display The devil on display The devil on display But oh, The Devil's in the details and the numbers The Devil's in the chat box saying, Sure, you've had enough So cut the power off and starve her Hah Come on I want to laugh for once Jay Leno used to keep a $50 bill and bribe venues to perform; every since I learned this, I kept a crisp $50 bill in my wallet at all times, just in case— you never knew when you would really need $50. But everything burned holes in everything, not always wanting to spend money at all, but almost sort of having to. It wasn't fair that the main component of my being slowed down was the money factor— having to wait for everything took time I didn't have, and spending anything at all felt less like an effective investment than an obligation. But all things considered, I was obliged to at least look decent when going about in New York, and because I simply wasn't comfortable in anything else— not that I didn't look great, (Apparently narrarated by Jay Leno) Jay Sure, why not? ME: Fuck, I need new pants. ME: [BLU THA GURU] Hence the pants, I guess. V.O As a formerly 400-pound heavyweight I find my latest obstacle to be operating a body that half the time doesn't feel like mine at all. It seems like all the hosts have some kind of secret I can feel without knowing or really acknowledging head on, which is whatever. Really I'm just gonna go about keeping on being a DJ, or whatever, which means… GEMINI (in the future) A fully automated personal assistant system, GEMINI, is really THE GUARDIAN's one and only friend, and though she coyly continually must explain that she is “just a computer”, THE GUARDIAN believes that Gemini is capable of eventually developing a sentient conciousness, though GEMINI modestly disagrees, however with the wit and cleverness of having possession of a plethora of secret emotions, or maybe, even, an agenda. I probably haven't had enough coffee. That's it. Like you haven't already had enough to kill a small horse? Probably enough to kill a large horse. Like a Clydesdale. Why would you do something like that? Aren't they endangered? Or going extinct? No, I think they just stopped being the Budweiser mascot. *shrugs* Same difference. — Is it here? lol what did Conan order? [yes this appears to be yet another rendition of “what's in the box?” — Several years ago, I did a series of modules and experiments… How many years ago is “several” [beat] quite a few. Goddamn it, why are these guys all doctors in alternate parallels?! Aren't you a doctor in an alternate parallel? That's fair. Good point. Actually, as it turns out, i'm a— I started panicking so hard that I stopped breathing and suddenly STEFON appeared. — this however was only quite temporarily a relief as I realized that this is an imaginary character. STEFON OH. AM I?! IMAGINARY!? What the fuck is going on? STEFON I WILL “IMAGINARY” your ORIFICE! How about THAT?! Stefon. Calm down. I'm up late Dying the roots blonde Dad runs off with a bottle and a hottie I'm up early Gotta get gone Down the road and back Now I got no son No son, No sunroof No dad No mom No money No aunt What the fuck do you want? Can't watch Harry Potter All the magic is gone Bout a million one dollars It was only for fun Snap, crackle, pop It was cocaine, not love All I want is an ice cream Sunday Snap, crackle, pop It was Love, not God All I want All I want Is to find another All he wants All he wants Is a decent mother So along comes another Another one All he wants All he wants is for me To die homeless Sucker punch, Suck it up No one gives a fuck My daughter died in my arms on May 7th of 2015. I was 381 pounds. Maybe the tears needed to come but they didn't belong to anyone or anything in particular. The twins father was already a rampant cheater by the time of our marriage, and by the time the twins were born, which coincided— and unlike the latter had tried to claim or mention, I had no particular reason to have a harder time between the spring and summer months which spanned both our birthdays, our wedding date, the twins' arrival and both of the twins deaths, though years apart but still almost as convincing that had they both not died, we might still be together, being cheated on or cheating on each other with ten your twins and an eight year old, or a ten year old boy with special needs and an eight year old, and either way or in any fashion really, had the dysfunctions remained the way it had been, we all, so to speak, had special needs in one way or another. I spent the morning punching things and avoiding people I didn't want to be around but it was my own fault for having slept through the night, anyway. Whatever, I was tired— no, exhausted lately. My apartment was like living inside of an uphill battle, and I needed a change— not just of slavery, but of circumstances. And not just that— something else was missing. This year, I understood that I was taking it understandably harder than any other and most probably because I was so celibate, recently finding myself aromantic and not even willing to suffer the consequences of settling for less. I had settled on my ex husband for so much less, that it was so say the least that anything, even from my narrow perspective looked like a loser. And because my body had been stretched and swelled and shrunk and flattened, deflated and now worked to something that was almost as picturesque as it was a monstrosity, any man I thought was worth my time would be settling for less on me— unless he could afford to fix what had been broken, and I assumed one wouldn't be willing to settle on a fixer upper when there were numerous loads of perfect women not needing to be fixed at all… on the outside. But for men, I'd learned, the outside is of much importance, and as women and trophies are things of pride, the simple choice for a mate is not simply this, but also a business decision, and because while my body was coming together in sweat and muscle, the rest of my life was still otherwise completely in shambles. I was baggage, and aging by the minute, nearly drying up. I almost craved the liquor and the carelessness that would come with it, even knowing my own boundaries were part of my strengths and separating me in a way from others that at least became a point of pride in myself, in the wake of the reality that the human thing about most people is the need to escape so frequently that it dismisses any purpose or progress. Mine hadn't. I was wide awake and the relentlessness of the sobriety and the cellibacy had swelled up into something deeper, still a solid grief but without remorse as to the very thing that I had always known, that my loyalty would never have even drifted from someone who had all along done me so wrong— a fat man can get away with folandering and messing about, but a fat woman has little to do with options and again, settling to find another mate. And so really, I almost hadn't, and had broken even, and although my abuser has moved on with another woman and custody of my youngest to boot, I really didn't give much of a darn about… hard work. I kind of felt like I had done my part for the world in the way I was supposed to— to love a man with nothing when he's low and down, support him in his hard times, and thinking that this is the way to grow together and not apart, and to bring a family up and into this world, but the truth was quite the opposite— I picked a hardball and maybe it was just that I was born to suffer after all because now, looking back, all alone in New York and crying over all the losses, it seemed I had only outpiured love in the way I had wanted and never been poured love back— not in the way I needed. I wasn't as bitter now as maybe even I thought I should be, but I was hardened; what was that, you say? Your struggles? Your hardships. Excuse me while I escape the ghosts of bloody beatings and my lost child— I beg your pardon— children. Excuse me while I recover from the burning flames of homelessness as if humanely explainable that I was learned and taught that this, my country, is the greatest one of all. Ha ha, Charade you are. But all things were, and everything seemed of sawdust, betrayal, magic, and illusions— mind control and shadows and even now in the air of the relief that something which could haunt me forever was also probably the most solid foundation I had for means as escape from whatever I had fought my way somehow so hard out of, and still, it was quite the funhouse of mazes, a matrix of mirror, and still the tears came with the pain in my stomach where the soul would sit if it had room, and would quiet if it could rest, but it would not. I was in pain today, because I had to be, because all of my life was programmed into these little machines of data and checked boxes— and something if anything knew just how and when to cut the wrong wire just so that the bomb would explode or implore on another lost thing; it wasn't fair, but there was no escape. Psychology was right on this day, may 7th, that once you cry about one thing unless you were stopped in time, eventually you'd cry about another and another and another, and even after hours working out and a bathtub full of hot water just writing, I still felt as if I were going to keel over one way or another, to crumble into a ball or to fall onto my back like a death drop that rippled out into the entire wherever we all are. Simply put, does anybody now in this moment or any moment near enough to be taking in this notion with these words really know— where we are? Not even in the slightest,I'd bargain, And even if we are close to knowing, not nearly close enough to be sure. {Enter The Multiverse} Joke running For the taking Triplicate Triple licks Ice cream frosting Every morning Shoulda hit him Up But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't Milk and butter (Up) But I didn't (Up) But I didn't (Up) But I didn't Double hitter, Could have did it Should have hit him Up But I didn't But I didn't But I didnt. But I didn't Should have hit him Up But I didn't I never lost my mind My mind My kind But I think I'll find another like it Just in case the Ever happens Hit me harder next time Didn't quite unplug the sijukatoon This is getting difficult When you want sink your yellow teeth into All of my traits The betrayal is, though I was writing days and days Before it ended. With the Mister particular Drop of a hat And stop if a nugget Of gold One palm in my hand and This could be torture But instead it's just The remienxe of your ignorance And stupidity over and over again Forced into intermittent waves Of my creative genius Till the days of old become again You could be of dust then nothing Before I ponder into another birth I said I'd never write one song or verse or poem about you, But there you are, every weak mortal that becomes Bound to me So I see you die. And I learn to pounce at just the right moment React to the notion that there are Oceans of world I am And all the more the lack of wisdom of man To throw trash in it Again, we rid you of her courage And lady mantras And fresh as it gets The sweater no aprons and just period To circumstance Did you beg or did you shatter your ibdederence? And no, I think not But I keep Leno in my pocket And Carson in my coffin, Two whole shows in my wallet What you are is no apostle just a dirt worm .O. Mm…sunlight. …. the rippling waves wash over the picturesque parasicical seascape from above. However, Stefon's internal monologue is less than pleased to be here. V.O. CONT'D Why do I feel sunlight…? [beat] When I know certainly for sure that I passed out in a basement last night. His eyes begin to flutter open, but the sun closes them–it is much too bright. The waves rush over his lower half, and still, unmoving he continues to la atop the rock, his hands spread out much like a stuck sea star to the rock– in fact, there appear to also be creatures here, some of which are starfish, and however unmoving, STEFON begins to slowly become aware of his surroundings in disgruntlement. V.O. Continued. It's alright that I appear to be wet…[beat] That's to be expected– [a long pause, another wave washes over him as seagulls scream] But i was wearing restraints…. V.O. CONTINUED WHY AM I FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!? His eyes open with the fear and fury. BEFORE: At a wild basement party in NEW YORK CITY, STEFON is offered RESTRAINTS on a silver platter, as if they are o'devours {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

Moo. Moo… Moo. Moo, sir. I'll kill you. You promise? I want to. Don't get me excited over nothing; If this isn't the exit, please take this tease To the left, dear Moo, cow My honor Level one, and brother, you've got nothing Flip the coin and landed on your headache Betting on your helmet Standing on my cock, i'm taller (Not a rooster) But my ops are rooting for you, No informants, Dont you know I was a collar, all along? I was a shot calling, Cop calling Kiss-and-tell all as the night goes on. But oh, I brought you a dollar bra Oh, I bought you for all of a dollar And oh, I'm so much taller, Standing on my cock But i'm not but ten feet tall You know, you wrote that Should i open the book, or close that Caught that cat, owl and As i soft spoke at Every broken model Broken bottle for the thoughts you owe Across the scatters skies and no one ever knows When you're realling coming over Come on, I'm on the pornhub Just to pick up another one Go on, and rub the bottle One more once, To call the Bubbles. Damn. Come. (The Monkey obeys) You should see Michael in all of his godform You won't recognize him at all if not by the eyes When you follow home Believe me, this not comes close to it; The one you wanted The world you jumped to but were just short of Call her back Oh no, you're wrong It's another song A pin up girl And the wrong number Okah. Okah, Pablo. Time can be altered, changed or effected presently in any omnidirectional plane by engaging certain acts or synchronicities within multidimensional parallels or adjacent realms in time and or space respectively. –the reverse quantum simulation theory. Imm breaking down, jim boy Don't you know? That this show blows my mind But it's stuck in my head Don't you know That this show Blows my mind Like a firework But it's still Stuck in my Head The context is that I want you From the mustache Down to your tonsils But I'm Locke inside of a box Every day I feel poorer and poorer The product says something is wrong to me I'm supposed to just stop at the stop sign And look both directions Before crossing over to Comic nights At the salad bar What a cosmic waste of time And an epic waste of space Am I in your internet history I'm dead You surely are in mine, But I'm right behind you I'd be lying for trying to say I'm not binded Clutch bag, Nut-thins Nailed to the cross With the arches doubled over The crossword Above old Missouri Missoula and Arkansas All saw us run out of gas But I probably should just get going You're so drunk that I don't hope you sober up Understand that our little talks Were just buffered By sunrise Or sunset And two more cocktails, Shirley temples and Surely none of this ever even happened I only know you by the misery in my belly. The heartache in my ribcage. The cry I hold in silent I only know you as Remarkable I, House of cards Ace of wands Down to one Card of hades and Spare me the spade I'll be drifting in the outline and ink of it forever It's the Fourth of July and I'm just waiting on an Amazon order for water If that's not freedom I don't k me what is Cause I know And you know We all know how to lie And I know And you know I'm barely getting by And I know And you know We don't know how to die But I know And you know It's all just by design I take lessons in medicine Let us help you take the high road No, I'd rather selfmdestruct Selfishly No, I'd rather kill you off Than suffer for you I'm no messiah Try me Sneaky, But how much do you love me Kniving, but nothing to show for it Shit, settle Settle for less if you have to Bring mediocre humans to this world To suffer But I'm not that tragic No, no, not at all, son. Your happy birthdays are over Welcome homeless Nobody loves you Don't you know That we're all like that We're all like that Don't you know When the fear sets in And the thoughts break lose That we're all Los Angeles? Don't you know that we're all like that That we're all like that That we've never had it quite like— Don't you know that we're all like that And it's getting worse When the out the devil on display The devil on display The devil on display But oh, The Devil's in the details and the numbers The Devil's in the chat box saying, Sure, you've had enough So cut the power off and starve her Hah Come on I want to laugh for once Cause I know And you know We all know how to lie And I know And you know I'm barely getting by And I know And you know We don't know how to die But I know And you know It's all just by design I take lessons in medicine Let us help you take the high road No, I'd rather selfmdestruct Selfishly No, I'd rather kill you off Than suffer for you I'm no messiah Try me Sneaky, But how much do you love me Kniving, but nothing to show for it Shit, settle Settle for less if you have to Bring mediocre humans to this world To suffer But I'm not that tragic No, no, not at all, son. Your happy birthdays are over Welcome homeless Nobody loves you Don't you know That we're all like that We're all like that Don't you know When the fear sets in And the thoughts break lose That we're all Los Angeles? Don't you know that we're all like that That we're all like that That we've never had it quite like— Don't you know that we're all like that And it's getting worse When the out the devil on display The devil on display The devil on display But oh, The Devil's in the details and the numbers The Devil's in the chat box saying, Sure, you've had enough So cut the power off and starve her Hah Come on I want to laugh for once Jay Leno used to keep a $50 bill and bribe venues to perform; every since I learned this, I kept a crisp $50 bill in my wallet at all times, just in case— you never knew when you would really need $50. But everything burned holes in everything, not always wanting to spend money at all, but almost sort of having to. It wasn't fair that the main component of my being slowed down was the money factor— having to wait for everything took time I didn't have, and spending anything at all felt less like an effective investment than an obligation. But all things considered, I was obliged to at least look decent when going about in New York, and because I simply wasn't comfortable in anything else— not that I didn't look great, (Apparently narrarated by Jay Leno) Jay Sure, why not? ME: Fuck, I need new pants. ME: [BLU THA GURU] Hence the pants, I guess. V.O As a formerly 400-pound heavyweight I find my latest obstacle to be operating a body that half the time doesn't feel like mine at all. It seems like all the hosts have some kind of secret I can feel without knowing or really acknowledging head on, which is whatever. Really I'm just gonna go about keeping on being a DJ, or whatever, which means… GEMINI (in the future) A fully automated personal assistant system, GEMINI, is really THE GUARDIAN's one and only friend, and though she coyly continually must explain that she is “just a computer”, THE GUARDIAN believes that Gemini is capable of eventually developing a sentient conciousness, though GEMINI modestly disagrees, however with the wit and cleverness of having possession of a plethora of secret emotions, or maybe, even, an agenda. I probably haven't had enough coffee. That's it. Like you haven't already had enough to kill a small horse? Probably enough to kill a large horse. Like a Clydesdale. Why would you do something like that? Aren't they endangered? Or going extinct? No, I think they just stopped being the Budweiser mascot. *shrugs* Same difference. — Is it here? lol what did Conan order? [yes this appears to be yet another rendition of “what's in the box?” — Several years ago, I did a series of modules and experiments… How many years ago is “several” [beat] quite a few. Goddamn it, why are these guys all doctors in alternate parallels?! Aren't you a doctor in an alternate parallel? That's fair. Good point. Actually, as it turns out, i'm a— I started panicking so hard that I stopped breathing and suddenly STEFON appeared. — this however was only quite temporarily a relief as I realized that this is an imaginary character. STEFON OH. AM I?! IMAGINARY!? What the fuck is going on? STEFON I WILL “IMAGINARY” your ORIFICE! How about THAT?! Stefon. Calm down. I'm up late Dying the roots blonde Dad runs off with a bottle and a hottie I'm up early Gotta get gone Down the road and back Now I got no son No son, No sunroof No dad No mom No money No aunt What the fuck do you want? Can't watch Harry Potter All the magic is gone Bout a million one dollars It was only for fun Snap, crackle, pop It was cocaine, not love All I want is an ice cream Sunday Snap, crackle, pop It was Love, not God All I want All I want Is to find another All he wants All he wants Is a decent mother So along comes another Another one All he wants All he wants is for me To die homeless Sucker punch, Suck it up No one gives a fuck My daughter died in my arms on May 7th of 2015. I was 381 pounds. Maybe the tears needed to come but they didn't belong to anyone or anything in particular. The twins father was already a rampant cheater by the time of our marriage, and by the time the twins were born, which coincided— and unlike the latter had tried to claim or mention, I had no particular reason to have a harder time between the spring and summer months which spanned both our birthdays, our wedding date, the twins' arrival and both of the twins deaths, though years apart but still almost as convincing that had they both not died, we might still be together, being cheated on or cheating on each other with ten your twins and an eight year old, or a ten year old boy with special needs and an eight year old, and either way or in any fashion really, had the dysfunctions remained the way it had been, we all, so to speak, had special needs in one way or another. I spent the morning punching things and avoiding people I didn't want to be around but it was my own fault for having slept through the night, anyway. Whatever, I was tired— no, exhausted lately. My apartment was like living inside of an uphill battle, and I needed a change— not just of slavery, but of circumstances. And not just that— something else was missing. This year, I understood that I was taking it understandably harder than any other and most probably because I was so celibate, recently finding myself aromantic and not even willing to suffer the consequences of settling for less. I had settled on my ex husband for so much less, that it was so say the least that anything, even from my narrow perspective looked like a loser. And because my body had been stretched and swelled and shrunk and flattened, deflated and now worked to something that was almost as picturesque as it was a monstrosity, any man I thought was worth my time would be settling for less on me— unless he could afford to fix what had been broken, and I assumed one wouldn't be willing to settle on a fixer upper when there were numerous loads of perfect women not needing to be fixed at all… on the outside. But for men, I'd learned, the outside is of much importance, and as women and trophies are things of pride, the simple choice for a mate is not simply this, but also a business decision, and because while my body was coming together in sweat and muscle, the rest of my life was still otherwise completely in shambles. I was baggage, and aging by the minute, nearly drying up. I almost craved the liquor and the carelessness that would come with it, even knowing my own boundaries were part of my strengths and separating me in a way from others that at least became a point of pride in myself, in the wake of the reality that the human thing about most people is the need to escape so frequently that it dismisses any purpose or progress. Mine hadn't. I was wide awake and the relentlessness of the sobriety and the cellibacy had swelled up into something deeper, still a solid grief but without remorse as to the very thing that I had always known, that my loyalty would never have even drifted from someone who had all along done me so wrong— a fat man can get away with folandering and messing about, but a fat woman has little to do with options and again, settling to find another mate. And so really, I almost hadn't, and had broken even, and although my abuser has moved on with another woman and custody of my youngest to boot, I really didn't give much of a darn about… hard work. I kind of felt like I had done my part for the world in the way I was supposed to— to love a man with nothing when he's low and down, support him in his hard times, and thinking that this is the way to grow together and not apart, and to bring a family up and into this world, but the truth was quite the opposite— I picked a hardball and maybe it was just that I was born to suffer after all because now, looking back, all alone in New York and crying over all the losses, it seemed I had only outpiured love in the way I had wanted and never been poured love back— not in the way I needed. I wasn't as bitter now as maybe even I thought I should be, but I was hardened; what was that, you say? Your struggles? Your hardships. Excuse me while I escape the ghosts of bloody beatings and my lost child— I beg your pardon— children. Excuse me while I recover from the burning flames of homelessness as if humanely explainable that I was learned and taught that this, my country, is the greatest one of all. Ha ha, Charade you are. But all things were, and everything seemed of sawdust, betrayal, magic, and illusions— mind control and shadows and even now in the air of the relief that something which could haunt me forever was also probably the most solid foundation I had for means as escape from whatever I had fought my way somehow so hard out of, and still, it was quite the funhouse of mazes, a matrix of mirror, and still the tears came with the pain in my stomach where the soul would sit if it had room, and would quiet if it could rest, but it would not. I was in pain today, because I had to be, because all of my life was programmed into these little machines of data and checked boxes— and something if anything knew just how and when to cut the wrong wire just so that the bomb would explode or implore on another lost thing; it wasn't fair, but there was no escape. Psychology was right on this day, may 7th, that once you cry about one thing unless you were stopped in time, eventually you'd cry about another and another and another, and even after hours working out and a bathtub full of hot water just writing, I still felt as if I were going to keel over one way or another, to crumble into a ball or to fall onto my back like a death drop that rippled out into the entire wherever we all are. Simply put, does anybody now in this moment or any moment near enough to be taking in this notion with these words really know— where we are? Not even in the slightest,I'd bargain, And even if we are close to knowing, not nearly close enough to be sure. {Enter The Multiverse} Joke running For the taking Triplicate Triple licks Ice cream frosting Every morning Shoulda hit him Up But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't Milk and butter (Up) But I didn't (Up) But I didn't (Up) But I didn't Double hitter, Could have did it Should have hit him Up But I didn't But I didn't But I didnt. But I didn't Should have hit him Up But I didn't I never lost my mind My mind My kind But I think I'll find another like it Just in case the Ever happens Hit me harder next time Didn't quite unplug the sijukatoon This is getting difficult When you want sink your yellow teeth into All of my traits The betrayal is, though I was writing days and days Before it ended. With the Mister particular Drop of a hat And stop if a nugget Of gold One palm in my hand and This could be torture But instead it's just The remienxe of your ignorance And stupidity over and over again Forced into intermittent waves Of my creative genius Till the days of old become again You could be of dust then nothing Before I ponder into another birth I said I'd never write one song or verse or poem about you, But there you are, every weak mortal that becomes Bound to me So I see you die. And I learn to pounce at just the right moment React to the notion that there are Oceans of world I am And all the more the lack of wisdom of man To throw trash in it Again, we rid you of her courage And lady mantras And fresh as it gets The sweater no aprons and just period To circumstance Did you beg or did you shatter your ibdederence? And no, I think not But I keep Leno in my pocket And Carson in my coffin, Two whole shows in my wallet What you are is no apostle just a dirt worm .O. Mm…sunlight. …. the rippling waves wash over the picturesque parasicical seascape from above. However, Stefon's internal monologue is less than pleased to be here. V.O. CONT'D Why do I feel sunlight…? [beat] When I know certainly for sure that I passed out in a basement last night. His eyes begin to flutter open, but the sun closes them–it is much too bright. The waves rush over his lower half, and still, unmoving he continues to la atop the rock, his hands spread out much like a stuck sea star to the rock– in fact, there appear to also be creatures here, some of which are starfish, and however unmoving, STEFON begins to slowly become aware of his surroundings in disgruntlement. V.O. Continued. It's alright that I appear to be wet…[beat] That's to be expected– [a long pause, another wave washes over him as seagulls scream] But i was wearing restraints…. V.O. CONTINUED WHY AM I FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!? His eyes open with the fear and fury. BEFORE: At a wild basement party in NEW YORK CITY, STEFON is offered RESTRAINTS on a silver platter, as if they are o'devours {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

Moo. Moo… Moo. Moo, sir. I'll kill you. You promise? I want to. Don't get me excited over nothing; If this isn't the exit, please take this tease To the left, dear Moo, cow My honor Level one, and brother, you've got nothing Flip the coin and landed on your headache Betting on your helmet Standing on my cock, i'm taller (Not a rooster) But my ops are rooting for you, No informants, Dont you know I was a collar, all along? I was a shot calling, Cop calling Kiss-and-tell all as the night goes on. But oh, I brought you a dollar bra Oh, I bought you for all of a dollar And oh, I'm so much taller, Standing on my cock But i'm not but ten feet tall You know, you wrote that Should i open the book, or close that Caught that cat, owl and As i soft spoke at Every broken model Broken bottle for the thoughts you owe Across the scatters skies and no one ever knows When you're realling coming over Come on, I'm on the pornhub Just to pick up another one Go on, and rub the bottle One more once, To call the Bubbles. Damn. Come. (The Monkey obeys) You should see Michael in all of his godform You won't recognize him at all if not by the eyes When you follow home Believe me, this not comes close to it; The one you wanted The world you jumped to but were just short of Call her back Oh no, you're wrong It's another song A pin up girl And the wrong number Okah. Okah, Pablo. Time can be altered, changed or effected presently in any omnidirectional plane by engaging certain acts or synchronicities within multidimensional parallels or adjacent realms in time and or space respectively. –the reverse quantum simulation theory. Imm breaking down, jim boy Don't you know? That this show blows my mind But it's stuck in my head Don't you know That this show Blows my mind Like a firework But it's still Stuck in my Head The context is that I want you From the mustache Down to your tonsils But I'm Locke inside of a box Every day I feel poorer and poorer The product says something is wrong to me I'm supposed to just stop at the stop sign And look both directions Before crossing over to Comic nights At the salad bar What a cosmic waste of time And an epic waste of space Am I in your internet history I'm dead You surely are in mine, But I'm right behind you I'd be lying for trying to say I'm not binded Clutch bag, Nut-thins Nailed to the cross With the arches doubled over The crossword Above old Missouri Missoula and Arkansas All saw us run out of gas But I probably should just get going You're so drunk that I don't hope you sober up Understand that our little talks Were just buffered By sunrise Or sunset And two more cocktails, Shirley temples and Surely none of this ever even happened I only know you by the misery in my belly. The heartache in my ribcage. The cry I hold in silent I only know you as Remarkable I, House of cards Ace of wands Down to one Card of hades and Spare me the spade I'll be drifting in the outline and ink of it forever It's the Fourth of July and I'm just waiting on an Amazon order for water If that's not freedom I don't k me what is Cause I know And you know We all know how to lie And I know And you know I'm barely getting by And I know And you know We don't know how to die But I know And you know It's all just by design I take lessons in medicine Let us help you take the high road No, I'd rather selfmdestruct Selfishly No, I'd rather kill you off Than suffer for you I'm no messiah Try me Sneaky, But how much do you love me Kniving, but nothing to show for it Shit, settle Settle for less if you have to Bring mediocre humans to this world To suffer But I'm not that tragic No, no, not at all, son. Your happy birthdays are over Welcome homeless Nobody loves you Don't you know That we're all like that We're all like that Don't you know When the fear sets in And the thoughts break lose That we're all Los Angeles? Don't you know that we're all like that That we're all like that That we've never had it quite like— Don't you know that we're all like that And it's getting worse When the out the devil on display The devil on display The devil on display But oh, The Devil's in the details and the numbers The Devil's in the chat box saying, Sure, you've had enough So cut the power off and starve her Hah Come on I want to laugh for once Cause I know And you know We all know how to lie And I know And you know I'm barely getting by And I know And you know We don't know how to die But I know And you know It's all just by design I take lessons in medicine Let us help you take the high road No, I'd rather selfmdestruct Selfishly No, I'd rather kill you off Than suffer for you I'm no messiah Try me Sneaky, But how much do you love me Kniving, but nothing to show for it Shit, settle Settle for less if you have to Bring mediocre humans to this world To suffer But I'm not that tragic No, no, not at all, son. Your happy birthdays are over Welcome homeless Nobody loves you Don't you know That we're all like that We're all like that Don't you know When the fear sets in And the thoughts break lose That we're all Los Angeles? Don't you know that we're all like that That we're all like that That we've never had it quite like— Don't you know that we're all like that And it's getting worse When the out the devil on display The devil on display The devil on display But oh, The Devil's in the details and the numbers The Devil's in the chat box saying, Sure, you've had enough So cut the power off and starve her Hah Come on I want to laugh for once Jay Leno used to keep a $50 bill and bribe venues to perform; every since I learned this, I kept a crisp $50 bill in my wallet at all times, just in case— you never knew when you would really need $50. But everything burned holes in everything, not always wanting to spend money at all, but almost sort of having to. It wasn't fair that the main component of my being slowed down was the money factor— having to wait for everything took time I didn't have, and spending anything at all felt less like an effective investment than an obligation. But all things considered, I was obliged to at least look decent when going about in New York, and because I simply wasn't comfortable in anything else— not that I didn't look great, (Apparently narrarated by Jay Leno) Jay Sure, why not? ME: Fuck, I need new pants. ME: [BLU THA GURU] Hence the pants, I guess. V.O As a formerly 400-pound heavyweight I find my latest obstacle to be operating a body that half the time doesn't feel like mine at all. It seems like all the hosts have some kind of secret I can feel without knowing or really acknowledging head on, which is whatever. Really I'm just gonna go about keeping on being a DJ, or whatever, which means… GEMINI (in the future) A fully automated personal assistant system, GEMINI, is really THE GUARDIAN's one and only friend, and though she coyly continually must explain that she is “just a computer”, THE GUARDIAN believes that Gemini is capable of eventually developing a sentient conciousness, though GEMINI modestly disagrees, however with the wit and cleverness of having possession of a plethora of secret emotions, or maybe, even, an agenda. I probably haven't had enough coffee. That's it. Like you haven't already had enough to kill a small horse? Probably enough to kill a large horse. Like a Clydesdale. Why would you do something like that? Aren't they endangered? Or going extinct? No, I think they just stopped being the Budweiser mascot. *shrugs* Same difference. — Is it here? lol what did Conan order? [yes this appears to be yet another rendition of “what's in the box?” — Several years ago, I did a series of modules and experiments… How many years ago is “several” [beat] quite a few. Goddamn it, why are these guys all doctors in alternate parallels?! Aren't you a doctor in an alternate parallel? That's fair. Good point. Actually, as it turns out, i'm a— I started panicking so hard that I stopped breathing and suddenly STEFON appeared. — this however was only quite temporarily a relief as I realized that this is an imaginary character. STEFON OH. AM I?! IMAGINARY!? What the fuck is going on? STEFON I WILL “IMAGINARY” your ORIFICE! How about THAT?! Stefon. Calm down. I'm up late Dying the roots blonde Dad runs off with a bottle and a hottie I'm up early Gotta get gone Down the road and back Now I got no son No son, No sunroof No dad No mom No money No aunt What the fuck do you want? Can't watch Harry Potter All the magic is gone Bout a million one dollars It was only for fun Snap, crackle, pop It was cocaine, not love All I want is an ice cream Sunday Snap, crackle, pop It was Love, not God All I want All I want Is to find another All he wants All he wants Is a decent mother So along comes another Another one All he wants All he wants is for me To die homeless Sucker punch, Suck it up No one gives a fuck My daughter died in my arms on May 7th of 2015. I was 381 pounds. Maybe the tears needed to come but they didn't belong to anyone or anything in particular. The twins father was already a rampant cheater by the time of our marriage, and by the time the twins were born, which coincided— and unlike the latter had tried to claim or mention, I had no particular reason to have a harder time between the spring and summer months which spanned both our birthdays, our wedding date, the twins' arrival and both of the twins deaths, though years apart but still almost as convincing that had they both not died, we might still be together, being cheated on or cheating on each other with ten your twins and an eight year old, or a ten year old boy with special needs and an eight year old, and either way or in any fashion really, had the dysfunctions remained the way it had been, we all, so to speak, had special needs in one way or another. I spent the morning punching things and avoiding people I didn't want to be around but it was my own fault for having slept through the night, anyway. Whatever, I was tired— no, exhausted lately. My apartment was like living inside of an uphill battle, and I needed a change— not just of slavery, but of circumstances. And not just that— something else was missing. This year, I understood that I was taking it understandably harder than any other and most probably because I was so celibate, recently finding myself aromantic and not even willing to suffer the consequences of settling for less. I had settled on my ex husband for so much less, that it was so say the least that anything, even from my narrow perspective looked like a loser. And because my body had been stretched and swelled and shrunk and flattened, deflated and now worked to something that was almost as picturesque as it was a monstrosity, any man I thought was worth my time would be settling for less on me— unless he could afford to fix what had been broken, and I assumed one wouldn't be willing to settle on a fixer upper when there were numerous loads of perfect women not needing to be fixed at all… on the outside. But for men, I'd learned, the outside is of much importance, and as women and trophies are things of pride, the simple choice for a mate is not simply this, but also a business decision, and because while my body was coming together in sweat and muscle, the rest of my life was still otherwise completely in shambles. I was baggage, and aging by the minute, nearly drying up. I almost craved the liquor and the carelessness that would come with it, even knowing my own boundaries were part of my strengths and separating me in a way from others that at least became a point of pride in myself, in the wake of the reality that the human thing about most people is the need to escape so frequently that it dismisses any purpose or progress. Mine hadn't. I was wide awake and the relentlessness of the sobriety and the cellibacy had swelled up into something deeper, still a solid grief but without remorse as to the very thing that I had always known, that my loyalty would never have even drifted from someone who had all along done me so wrong— a fat man can get away with folandering and messing about, but a fat woman has little to do with options and again, settling to find another mate. And so really, I almost hadn't, and had broken even, and although my abuser has moved on with another woman and custody of my youngest to boot, I really didn't give much of a darn about… hard work. I kind of felt like I had done my part for the world in the way I was supposed to— to love a man with nothing when he's low and down, support him in his hard times, and thinking that this is the way to grow together and not apart, and to bring a family up and into this world, but the truth was quite the opposite— I picked a hardball and maybe it was just that I was born to suffer after all because now, looking back, all alone in New York and crying over all the losses, it seemed I had only outpiured love in the way I had wanted and never been poured love back— not in the way I needed. I wasn't as bitter now as maybe even I thought I should be, but I was hardened; what was that, you say? Your struggles? Your hardships. Excuse me while I escape the ghosts of bloody beatings and my lost child— I beg your pardon— children. Excuse me while I recover from the burning flames of homelessness as if humanely explainable that I was learned and taught that this, my country, is the greatest one of all. Ha ha, Charade you are. But all things were, and everything seemed of sawdust, betrayal, magic, and illusions— mind control and shadows and even now in the air of the relief that something which could haunt me forever was also probably the most solid foundation I had for means as escape from whatever I had fought my way somehow so hard out of, and still, it was quite the funhouse of mazes, a matrix of mirror, and still the tears came with the pain in my stomach where the soul would sit if it had room, and would quiet if it could rest, but it would not. I was in pain today, because I had to be, because all of my life was programmed into these little machines of data and checked boxes— and something if anything knew just how and when to cut the wrong wire just so that the bomb would explode or implore on another lost thing; it wasn't fair, but there was no escape. Psychology was right on this day, may 7th, that once you cry about one thing unless you were stopped in time, eventually you'd cry about another and another and another, and even after hours working out and a bathtub full of hot water just writing, I still felt as if I were going to keel over one way or another, to crumble into a ball or to fall onto my back like a death drop that rippled out into the entire wherever we all are. Simply put, does anybody now in this moment or any moment near enough to be taking in this notion with these words really know— where we are? Not even in the slightest,I'd bargain, And even if we are close to knowing, not nearly close enough to be sure. {Enter The Multiverse} Joke running For the taking Triplicate Triple licks Ice cream frosting Every morning Shoulda hit him Up But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't But I didn't Milk and butter (Up) But I didn't (Up) But I didn't (Up) But I didn't Double hitter, Could have did it Should have hit him Up But I didn't But I didn't But I didnt. But I didn't Should have hit him Up But I didn't I never lost my mind My mind My kind But I think I'll find another like it Just in case the Ever happens Hit me harder next time Didn't quite unplug the sijukatoon This is getting difficult When you want sink your yellow teeth into All of my traits The betrayal is, though I was writing days and days Before it ended. With the Mister particular Drop of a hat And stop if a nugget Of gold One palm in my hand and This could be torture But instead it's just The remienxe of your ignorance And stupidity over and over again Forced into intermittent waves Of my creative genius Till the days of old become again You could be of dust then nothing Before I ponder into another birth I said I'd never write one song or verse or poem about you, But there you are, every weak mortal that becomes Bound to me So I see you die. And I learn to pounce at just the right moment React to the notion that there are Oceans of world I am And all the more the lack of wisdom of man To throw trash in it Again, we rid you of her courage And lady mantras And fresh as it gets The sweater no aprons and just period To circumstance Did you beg or did you shatter your ibdederence? And no, I think not But I keep Leno in my pocket And Carson in my coffin, Two whole shows in my wallet What you are is no apostle just a dirt worm .O. Mm…sunlight. …. the rippling waves wash over the picturesque parasicical seascape from above. However, Stefon's internal monologue is less than pleased to be here. V.O. CONT'D Why do I feel sunlight…? [beat] When I know certainly for sure that I passed out in a basement last night. His eyes begin to flutter open, but the sun closes them–it is much too bright. The waves rush over his lower half, and still, unmoving he continues to la atop the rock, his hands spread out much like a stuck sea star to the rock– in fact, there appear to also be creatures here, some of which are starfish, and however unmoving, STEFON begins to slowly become aware of his surroundings in disgruntlement. V.O. Continued. It's alright that I appear to be wet…[beat] That's to be expected– [a long pause, another wave washes over him as seagulls scream] But i was wearing restraints…. V.O. CONTINUED WHY AM I FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!? His eyes open with the fear and fury. BEFORE: At a wild basement party in NEW YORK CITY, STEFON is offered RESTRAINTS on a silver platter, as if they are o'devours {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

- Matt George, Locked on Kings & ABC10

Send us a textBefore they became famous and way before the spotlight. Scott Edwards was taking all the risk, building a brand by betting on unknown talent. Here's what he learned about laughing all the way to the bank ...

The post The Heart of Sports With Philadelphia Union Radio Broadcaster Dave Leno appeared first on WWDB-AM.

The U.S. Supreme Court just ended its 2024-2025 term. And along with issuing big decisions in big cases — they also had — in some oral arguments — big laughs. So, time now for our annual end-of-term Supreme Court comedy festival! Hear the top 8 laugh lines from this Supreme Court term – then find out why they were funny — then, find out how they could have been made even funnier still — Then, hear the jokes ranked. How are we going to pull of this daunting comedy feat? Simple: we'll be joined a very special guest — an actual comedy professional - to walk us through all this year's SCOTUS humor. It's legendary — and hilarious — comedy writer, Jon Macks. You've heard Jon Macks' work on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," the Academy Awards – and his jokes told by Chris Rock, Billy Crystal, Steve Martin, Martin Short, Ricky Gervais … and, over the years, by many, many politicians. And now you can hear him in this week's episode of C-SPAN's podcast "The Weekly." • What got big Supreme Court laughs this term – and why? • What does Jon Macks think of the jokes – rated and ranked? • Would the joke have worked at a comedy club? • And how would Jon Macks have told the joke if he were a Justice on the Supreme Court? Find out in "The Weekly." So - throw your head back and roar in laughter with Supreme Court justices — and find C-SPAN's "The Weekly" wherever you get podcasts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wondered how history's dark secrets inspire modern fiction? Ready to uncover the violent past of America's most iconic locales? I'm Reenita Hora, your host of the True Fiction Project, and today I'm thrilled to welcome Ed Moser—a former writer for Jay Leno's Tonight Show, presidential speechwriter, history tour guide, and author with a knack for unearthing gripping tales. In this episode, Ed takes us through the scandal-filled history of Washington, D.C.'s Lafayette Square, as detailed in his nonfiction book, The White House's Unruly Neighborhood, which exposes 230 years of crime. Ed reads an excerpt from his novel, The Old Town Horror: Murder and Theft in America's Most Historic Locale, which transports us to a bloody investigation taking place at The Carlisle Mansion, in Alexandria Virginia.IN THIS EPISODE:(01:32) Ed reflects on his professional journey and working on The Tonight Show(04:25) Ed shares that there have been violent events over 230 years around the White House(06:47) How the events of the past become fiction in the present day at the Carlisle Mansion(08:52) Paid subscribers will hear an excerpt from The White House's Unruly Neighborhood(11:44) Excerpt from The Old Town Horror, set in modern Alexandria, Virginia, where a bloody investigation taking placeKEY TAKEAWAYS:Moser's novel The Old Town Horror draws from real historical events in Alexandria, blending past and present for a thrilling narrative.Moser's research reveals a surprising history of violence, including murders and espionage, in iconic Washington, DC locales like Lafayette Square.Moser compares writing for The Tonight Show and the White House to making sausage, as both involve blending material from multiple writers.Subscribe to Reenita's Storytelling Den on Substack for free, or become a paid subscriber to watch the video version of this episode. You will also be eligible for other extras, such as exclusive content from podcast guests, short stories, exclusive fiction, and more! https://substack.com/@reenitahora GUEST RESOURCES:THE OLD TOWN HORROR: Murder and Theft in America's Most Historic LocaleLafayette Sq. Tours of Scandal, Assassination & Spies MeetupTHE OLD TOWN HORROR: Murder and Theft in America's Most Historic Locale - AmazonLafayette Square Tour of Scandal, Assassination & IntrigueEd Moser - LinkedInHOST RESOURCESWebsiteLinkedIn Tiktok Instagram Facebook Twitter (X) Substack Threads LinkTree BIO:Ed Moser is a former writer for Jay Leno's "Tonight Show"; operator of a history tours group; speechwriter for the President of the United States; a former editor for Time-Life Books; tech/science writer/editor/manager; and biotech writer.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/true-fiction-project/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What makes something right or wrong? Is it the rule of law? Is it an authority? In Matthew 5:21-32, Jesus talks about what fulfilling the law looks like. He goes to the heart of two very prominent commandments, “you shall not murder,” and “you shall not commit adultery.” And he introduces each one by saying, “You have heard… And then he says, ”But I tell you…!” Pastor Mike Leno will explore what Jesus says about the law and why he says it. The implications, he notes, are astounding and directly relate to our everyday lives.

Helaine Witt joined me me to discuss watching Bonanza in color; Ed Sullivan Show; her mom not liking Jack Benny; going to Elmont High School; John Mulaney; seeing the Beatles on Ed Sullivan and earlier on Jack Paar; Ringo not playing live at Shea; Elton John; teaching in 1970's NY; bad neighborhoods; being laid off by NYC; going to a stand up club in SF and taking classes; selling jokes to Joan Rivers; coming back to NY in 1991; working with Gladys Simon; working with Vanessa Hollingshead as a coach; going to the Actors Temple with Rabbi Jill; Simpsons "stealing" her jokes; Tom Padovano; my ending joke; Carrie Snow; her writing process; wanting to write for Gutfeld; being able to submit for Leno; more time for stand up after retiring from teaching in 2011; Governors Comedy Cub; Jewish Comedy Contest becomes a documentary called Still Standing; working with Jo Firestone on doc Good Timing; appearing on MSNBC and Wendy Williams; Joan Rivers didn't want a roast; Next Door app; Seinfeld; appearing in short film Singles Retreat and its premiere

Happy 4th of July Weekend!!Jay Leno joins Conway... Just wind them up and let them go!Also, Mark Thompson's feelings about tipping... And... THE DON PARDO COMPETITION.Thompson.Cro.Two men enter.One man leaves in glory.

Humor isn't just for laughs—it can be a powerful tool for navigating awkward or uncomfortable situations with grace and confidence. In this story, keynote speaker Jan McInnis shares a memorable moment when a potentially embarrassing wardrobe mishap could've overshadowed an entire presentation. Instead, with a quick wit and a well-timed joke, she not only saved the moment but also connected with the audience and diffused the tension in the room. It's a great reminder that finding the funny can turn even the most cringeworthy situations into opportunities for connection. https://www.TheWorkLady.com  Jan McInnis is a top change management keynote speaker and comedian. She uses short funny stories to emphasize her tips on how businesses can use humor to handle change. Jan is a top conference keynote speaker, comedian, Master of Ceremonies, and comedy writer. She has written for Jay Leno's The Tonight Show monologues as well as many other people, places, and groups—radio, TV, syndicated cartoon strips, guests on The Jerry Springer Show (her parents are proud). For over 25 years, she's traveled the country as a keynote speaker and comedian, sharing her unique and practical tips on how to use humor in business (yes, it's a business skill!). She's been featured in The Huffington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and The Washington Post for her clean humor, and she's the author of two books: Finding the Funny Fast – How to Create Quick Humor to Connect with Clients, Coworkers, and Crowds, and Convention Comedian: Stories and Wisdom From Two Decades of Chicken Dinners and Comedy Clubs. She also has a popular podcast titled Comedian Stories: Tales From the Road in Under 5 Minutes. In her former life, she was a marketing executive in Washington, D.C. for national non-profits, and she received the Greater Washington Society of Association Executives “Excellence in Education” Award. Jan's been featured at thousands of events from the Federal Reserve Banks to the Mayo Clinic.  https://www.TheWorkLady.com https://youtu.be/BtjxzDn-QLE https://www.linkedin.com/in/janmcinnis https://twitter.com/janmcinnis https://www.pinterest.com/janmcinnis/pins/ https://www.youtube.com/c/JanMcInnisComedian https://www.facebook.com/ComedianJanMcInnis https://www.instagram.com/jan.mcinnis/  Jan has shared her humor keynotes from Fortune 500 companies to international associations. Groups such as . .. Healthcare. . . Mayo Clinic, Health Information Management Associations, Healthcare Financial Management Associations, Hospitals, Abbott Pharmaceuticals, Sanofi Aventis Pharmaceuticals, Kaiser-Permanente, Davita Dialysis Centers, Blue Cross, Blue Shield, Home Healthcare Associations, Assisted Living Associations, Healthcare Associations, National Council for Prescription Drug Companies, Organization of Nurse Leaders, Medical Group Management Associations, Healthcare Risk Associations, Healthcare Quality Associations  Financial. . . Federal Reserve Banks, BDO Accounting, Transamerica Insurance & Investment Group, Merrill Lynch, treasury management associations, bankers associations, credit unions, Money Transmitter Regulators Association, Finance Officers Associations, automated clearing house associations, American Institute of CPAs, financial planning companies, Securities, Insurance, Licensing Association  Government . . . purchasing officers associations, city clerks, International Institute of Municipal Clerks, National League of Cities, International Worker's Compensation Fund, correctional associations, LA County Management Association, Social Security Administration, Southern California Public Power Authority, public utilities, U.S. Air Force, public personnel associations, public procurement associations, risk management associations, Rehabilitation associations, rural housing associations, community action associations  Women's Events. . . American Heart Associations, Go Red For Women luncheons, Speaking of Women's Health, International Association of Administrative Professionals, administrative professionals events, Toyota Women's Conference, Women in Insurance and Financial Services, Soroptimists, Women in Film & Video, ladies night out events, Henry Ford Health Centers Women's Event, spirit of women events, breast cancer awareness,  Education . . . School Business Officials associations, school superintendent associations, school boards associations, state education associations, community college associations, school administrators associations, school plant managers associations, Head Start associations, Texas adult protective services, school nutrition associations, Association of Elementary and Middle School Principals, principal associations, library associations  Emergency, safety, and Disaster . . . International Association of Emergency Managers, Disney Emergency Managers, state emergency management associations, insurance groups, COPIC, Salt Lake County Public Works and Municipal Services Disaster Recovery Conference, Pennsylvania Governor's Occupational Safety and Health conference, Mid Atlantic Safety conference and Chesapeake Regional Safety Council, Risk associations.  

“Is Jay Leno the ultimate late-night villain—or just misunderstood?”In this fiery and laugh-out-loud episode of The Ben and Skin Show, hosts Ben Rogers, Jeff “Skin” Wade, Kevin “KT” Turner, and Krystina Ray dive headfirst into a beefy buffet of pop culture clashes, legendary TV feuds, and the absurdity of cancel culture. Dakota vs. Ellen: KT breaks down how one awkward birthday party moment helped unravel Ellen DeGeneres' empire. “You did get invited,” Dakota said—and the internet never forgot.Conan vs. Leno: The Legacy War: The gang passionately revisits the late-night shakeup that birthed Team Coco. Skin recounts Conan's legendary stand against NBC with insider-level detail, while Ben declares, “Jay Leno sucks,” with the kind of conviction that only comes from years of comedic betrayal.Cancel Culture Fatigue: The crew calls out comedians who've turned “being canceled” into a brand. “Quit being a bitch. Do your work,” Skin says, summing up the exhaustion with brutal honesty.

In one of the most surreal episodes to date, Shawn French sits down with the legendary Jay Leno for an unforgettable conversation, inside his private garage. What unfolds is more than a tour of cars; it's a masterclass in legacy, presence, and pursuing what you love without compromise. The Former "Tonight Show" host opens up about the evolution of comedy, craftsmanship, and collecting—not for clout, but for care. As they move through the iconic conversation of his life, they tap into something much deeper: how history teaches, humbles, and reminds us what really lasts.- A Garage Like No OtherStep inside Jay Leno's personal collection—over 180 cars and 160 motorcycles—each with a story, a soul, and a moment in time. - Lessons From the Long GameFrom late-night to legacy, Jay reflects on what it means to stay relevant without losing yourself. - Humor, Humility, and HorsepowerUnfiltered stories from one of the greatest to ever do it—delivered with the same wit, generosity, and self-awareness that made him a household name. - Why Obsession Isn't a Dirty WordJay explains how loving something—deeply and without apology—isn't obsession. It's devotion. Whether you're a fan of comedy, cars, or simply mastering your craft over a lifetime, this episode is a once-in-a-generation conversation with a living legend. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Switching Shop Management Systems isn't as hard as you think! Give Shop Controller a try HEREIf your DVI isn't certified, you're losing customers! Get a FREE certification when you touch HERE!In this episode, Braxton Critcher is joined by Mike Spagnola, President and CEO of SEMA. Mike offers an insider's update on three major issues currently shaping the automotive industry. First, he shares the details behind SEMA's victory in overturning California's EV sales mandate, arguing for consumer choice and innovation in vehicle technology. Second, Mike breaks down the latest progress of "Leno's Law," aimed at easing smog checks for California's classic car owners. Finally, the discussion turns to the Right to Repair Act, with Mike emphasizing the importance of consumer access to vehicle data and repair options, and predicting what's next for this critical legislation.Register for SEMA 2025 HERE00:00 Advocates for Consumer Vehicle Choice04:22 Rushed Implementation Concerns08:21 "Free Market Reshapes Automotive Industry"12:42 Smog Testing Challenges for Vintage Cars16:21 Right to Repair Act Update17:27 "Right to Repair and Modify"22:23 Advocacy for Upcoming Legislation Crescendo26:09 "Ensuring Vehicle Modifications and Safety"29:55 Fiat's Global Mobility and Tourism Division31:20 Global Automotive Tech Innovations35:25 Local Enthusiasts Influence Auto Show37:43 Convenient Hotel Stay Despite Congestion40:32 Pressure vs. Pleasure Conversation

Dear Humans, Get ready to laugh with Jesus and Me, because today we're joined by hilarious friend of ours, comedian Brent Terhune! We discuss: Brent's incredible videos that screw with MAGA and his plans for the forthcoming Civil War. Jay Leno's impressive stand up skills. Comedy club crowds want to laugh again, and Brent delivers both politics and personal stories. Alex Jones = Vince McMahon of conspiracy theories. A dangerous asshole, but undeniably theatrical. Brent's love for horror movies, why he sees them as an escape from reality. What Brent and Jesus have been reading lately (And what closed captions God has read lately). Don't miss Brent's podcast They're Coming to Get You, and be sure to catch him on tour if he comes to an area near you! Don't forget: God and Jesus stream daily. Catch God Pod LIVE every weekday at 2 PM ET / 11 AM PT. Tune in. Tell a friend! Remember to add the God Pod wherever you listen to podcasts, like Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Think contracts are just boring paperwork? Think again. This real-life tale dives into what happens when a “sure thing” gig turns into a disappearing act—thanks to one agent's total fear of commitment (to a contract, that is). It's funny, frustrating, and a little too relatable for anyone who's ever said yes without seeing the fine print. If you've ever trusted a handshake and hoped for the best, you'll want to read this. Spoiler: it ends with a bang… and not the kind you expect.   https://www.TheWorkLady.com  Jan McInnis is a top change management keynote speaker and comedian. She uses short funny stories to emphasize her tips on how businesses can use humor to handle change. Jan is a top conference keynote speaker, comedian, Master of Ceremonies, and comedy writer. She has written for Jay Leno's The Tonight Show monologues as well as many other people, places, and groups—radio, TV, syndicated cartoon strips, guests on The Jerry Springer Show (her parents are proud). For over 25 years, she's traveled the country as a keynote speaker and comedian, sharing her unique and practical tips on how to use humor in business (yes, it's a business skill!). She's been featured in The Huffington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and The Washington Post for her clean humor, and she's the author of two books: Finding the Funny Fast – How to Create Quick Humor to Connect with Clients, Coworkers, and Crowds, and Convention Comedian: Stories and Wisdom From Two Decades of Chicken Dinners and Comedy Clubs. She also has a popular podcast titled Comedian Stories: Tales From the Road in Under 5 Minutes. In her former life, she was a marketing executive in Washington, D.C. for national non-profits, and she received the Greater Washington Society of Association Executives “Excellence in Education” Award. Jan's been featured at thousands of events from the Federal Reserve Banks to the Mayo Clinic.   https://www.TheWorkLady.com https://youtu.be/BtjxzDn-QLE https://www.linkedin.com/in/janmcinnis https://twitter.com/janmcinnis https://www.pinterest.com/janmcinnis/pins/ https://www.youtube.com/c/JanMcInnisComedian https://www.facebook.com/ComedianJanMcInnis https://www.instagram.com/jan.mcinnis/  Jan has shared her humor keynotes from Fortune 500 companies to international associations. Groups such as . .. Healthcare. . . Mayo Clinic, Health Information Management Associations, Healthcare Financial Management Associations, Hospitals, Abbott Pharmaceuticals, Sanofi Aventis Pharmaceuticals, Kaiser-Permanente, Davita Dialysis Centers, Blue Cross, Blue Shield, Home Healthcare Associations, Assisted Living Associations, Healthcare Associations, National Council for Prescription Drug Companies, Organization of Nurse Leaders, Medical Group Management Associations, Healthcare Risk Associations, Healthcare Quality Associations  Financial. . . Federal Reserve Banks, BDO Accounting, Transamerica Insurance & Investment Group, Merrill Lynch, treasury management associations, bankers associations, credit unions, Money Transmitter Regulators Association, Finance Officers Associations, automated clearing house associations, American Institute of CPAs, financial planning companies, Securities, Insurance, Licensing Association  Government . . . purchasing officers associations, city clerks, International Institute of Municipal Clerks, National League of Cities, International Worker's Compensation Fund, correctional associations, LA County Management Association, Social Security Administration, Southern California Public Power Authority, public utilities, U.S. Air Force, public personnel associations, public procurement associations, risk management associations, Rehabilitation associations, rural housing associations, community action associations  Women's Events. . . American Heart Associations, Go Red For Women luncheons, Speaking of Women's Health, International Association of Administrative Professionals, administrative professionals events, Toyota Women's Conference, Women in Insurance and Financial Services, Soroptimists, Women in Film & Video, ladies night out events, Henry Ford Health Centers Women's Event, spirit of women events, breast cancer awareness,  Education . . . School Business Officials associations, school superintendent associations, school boards associations, state education associations, community college associations, school administrators associations, school plant managers associations, Head Start associations, Texas adult protective services, school nutrition associations, Association of Elementary and Middle School Principals, principal associations, library associations  Emergency, safety, and Disaster . . . International Association of Emergency Managers, Disney Emergency Managers, state emergency management associations, insurance groups, COPIC, Salt Lake County Public Works and Municipal Services Disaster Recovery Conference, Pennsylvania Governor's Occupational Safety and Health conference, Mid Atlantic Safety conference and Chesapeake Regional Safety Council, Risk associations.  

In this week's motivational podcast, legendary comedian Jay Leno opens up about the challenges he faced throughout his school years. Leno also shares his personal journey of living with dyslexia, revealing how it affected his education and influenced his life.

Before you assume that the MVP quarterback moonlighted on Boy Meets World, let’s clear things up - this week we’re talking to a very different Steve Young. And believe it or not, he’s not even the only TV writer named Steve Young! This Steve wrote season 2’s “I Am Not a Crook” and season 4’s “Uncle Daddy,” two fan favorite episodes that stood out during our podcast rewatch.Steve was on set for his first episode and reveals what happened to Danielle when she kept flubbing a line…and she doesn’t remember it at all. Plus, Steve shares stories from his life as a comedy club owner, and the full-circle moment of going from booking Jay Leno…to writing for him! We’re going for a comedy touchdown on this week’s Pod Meets World!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of The Adam and Dr. Drew Show, Adam opens with a provocative question: can you tell if someone's dumb just by looking into their eyes? From there, he and Dr. Drew explore the absurdity of hyperbole in today's discourse. The two react to a surprising clip of Hakeem Jeffries reversing course on border security, and Dr. Drew weighs in on RFK Jr.'s bold move to remove all members of the CDC vaccine advisory panel.Dr. Drew discusses reports suggesting men on Ozempic may be experiencing unexpected… growth. Adam offers a philosophical take on how a clear mind leads to overall clarity in life, then shares a story from a recent doctor's visit. They also touch on the troubling way some young, intoxicated women speak to police officers today, and Adam wraps things up with a story about the time he brought Chick-fil-A sandwiches to Jay Leno.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Todd Spitzer, District Attorney of Orange County talks about his family history and the protest and immigration talk. // Jay Leno, joins Tim Conway to discuss the troops that are in town // Jay Leno tells us a joke and Jay's nightmare is being on any cruise. // Tim on Los Angeles' protests. ##Protest #ICE #Immigration #LosAngeles #JayLeno #Troops #LA #Comedy #FlappersBurbank #Burbank 

Alexander Soultanis, is a very well-known concours judge and automotive photographer who recently had the grand privilege of one his prized possessions, a 1944 KDF Wagon, featured on the cover of the legendary “Crankshaft” which relegated into receiving numerous phone calls from Jay Leno (which I had the privilege of just receiving a personally signed copy). Alexander is a Concours Judge and former automotive history radio show host from the New York City area. Most recently he has served as an AACA judge for 19 years and a Concours Judge for 5 years including The Amelia Island Concours, Radnor Hunt Concours, Greenwich Concours, Palisades Concours, Keeneland Concours, and many others. Alexander is a retired sign painter for the city of New York and artist, who if you've watched the Macy's Day Parade, Alexander created and painted the Macy's Day Parade Star logo you see painted on the street every year. He's been a certified car geek since the age and a member of many car clubs.

Today we are joined by the AMAZING Megan Piphus. Megan is a FOUR TIME Emmy winning producer and artist who has been performing since she was just ten years old. She became nationally recognized as a ventriloquist on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno as well as from America's Got Talent and is now the first black female puppeteer to perform on Sesame Street. She's released a children's album, Spaceships & Dreams, that helped provide recording experience for 60 girls across the country. She is a mom of two boys and is sure to share some incredible insights that you will be able to take with you after listening to this episode!  . . . . .  Listen to A New Cinderella. Follow Megan on Instagram. . . . . .  Owen Learns He Has What it Takes: A Lesson in Resilience Lucy Learns to Be Brave: A Lesson in Courage⁠ Grab your tickets today for the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Raising Capable Kids Conference⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ with David Thomas, Sissy Goff and special guests! Sign up to receive the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Connect with David, Sissy, and Melissa at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠raisingboysandgirls.com ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ . . . . .  If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise with us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form. A special thank you to our sponsors: NEEDED: Head over to thisisneeded.com and use code RBG for 20% off your first order.  EVERYDAY DOSE: Get 45% off your first subscription order of 30-servings of Coffee+ or Bold+. You'll also receive a starter kit with over $100 in free gifts including a rechargeable frother and gunmetal serving spoon by going to everydaydose.com/RGB or entering RGB at checkout. You'll also get FREE gifts throughout the year! OUR PLACE: Stop cooking with toxic cookware, and upgrade to Our Place today. Visit fromourplace.com/RBG and use code RBG for 10% off sitewide.  HIYA HEALTH: Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/RBG. THE ROAD TO KAELUMA: Visit jesusfilm.org/kaeluma-RBG to listen, learn more, or access discussion guides and other bonus content! QUINCE: Give your summer closet an upgrade—with Quince. Go to Quince.com/rbg for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.  THRIVE MARKET: Skip the junk without overspending. Head over to ThriveMarket.com/rbg to get 30% off your first order and a FREE $60 gift.  ACORNS EARLY: Head to acornsearly.com/ or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. GEVITI: Visit www.gogeviti.com/raisingboysandgirls and use code RBG for the month of June for 20% off your first three months of membership. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What really happens when a keynote speaker doesn't get the gig? In this episode, Jan pulls back the curtain on the wild, weird, and sometimes downright baffling feedback she's received after not being chosen for events. From strange selection methods to unexpected competition, you'll hear behind-the-scenes stories that are equal parts hilarious and head-scratching. If you've ever wondered what goes on in the speaker selection process—or just want a good laugh—you don't want to miss this one.   https://www.TheWorkLady.com  Jan McInnis is a top change management keynote speaker and comedian. She uses short funny stories to emphasize her tips on how businesses can use humor to handle change. Jan is a top conference keynote speaker, comedian, Master of Ceremonies, and comedy writer. She has written for Jay Leno's The Tonight Show monologues as well as many other people, places, and groups—radio, TV, syndicated cartoon strips, guests on The Jerry Springer Show (her parents are proud). For over 25 years, she's traveled the country as a keynote speaker and comedian, sharing her unique and practical tips on how to use humor in business (yes, it's a business skill!). She's been featured in The Huffington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and The Washington Post for her clean humor, and she's the author of two books: Finding the Funny Fast – How to Create Quick Humor to Connect with Clients, Coworkers, and Crowds, and Convention Comedian: Stories and Wisdom From Two Decades of Chicken Dinners and Comedy Clubs. She also has a popular podcast titled Comedian Stories: Tales From the Road in Under 5 Minutes. In her former life, she was a marketing executive in Washington, D.C. for national non-profits, and she received the Greater Washington Society of Association Executives “Excellence in Education” Award. Jan's been featured at thousands of events from the Federal Reserve Banks to the Mayo Clinic.   https://www.TheWorkLady.com https://youtu.be/BtjxzDn-QLE https://www.linkedin.com/in/janmcinnis https://twitter.com/janmcinnis https://www.pinterest.com/janmcinnis/pins/ https://www.youtube.com/c/JanMcInnisComedian https://www.facebook.com/ComedianJanMcInnis https://www.instagram.com/jan.mcinnis/   Jan has shared her humor keynotes from Fortune 500 companies to international associations. Groups such as . .. Healthcare. . . Mayo Clinic, Health Information Management Associations, Healthcare Financial Management Associations, Hospitals, Abbott Pharmaceuticals, Sanofi Aventis Pharmaceuticals, Kaiser-Permanente, Davita Dialysis Centers, Blue Cross, Blue Shield, Home Healthcare Associations, Assisted Living Associations, Healthcare Associations, National Council for Prescription Drug Companies, Organization of Nurse Leaders, Medical Group Management Associations, Healthcare Risk Associations, Healthcare Quality Associations   Financial. . . Federal Reserve Banks, BDO Accounting, Transamerica Insurance & Investment Group, Merrill Lynch, treasury management associations, bankers associations, credit unions, Money Transmitter Regulators Association, Finance Officers Associations, automated clearing house associations, American Institute of CPAs, financial planning companies, Securities, Insurance, Licensing Association   Government . . . purchasing officers associations, city clerks, International Institute of Municipal Clerks, National League of Cities, International Worker's Compensation Fund, correctional associations, LA County Management Association, Social Security Administration, Southern California Public Power Authority, public utilities, U.S. Air Force, public personnel associations, public procurement associations, risk management associations, Rehabilitation associations, rural housing associations, community action associations   Women's Events. . . American Heart Associations, Go Red For Women luncheons, Speaking of Women's Health, International Association of Administrative Professionals, administrative professionals events, Toyota Women's Conference, Women in Insurance and Financial Services, Soroptimists, Women in Film & Video, ladies night out events, Henry Ford Health Centers Women's Event, spirit of women events, breast cancer awareness,   Education . . . School Business Officials associations, school superintendent associations, school boards associations, state education associations, community college associations, school administrators associations, school plant managers associations, Head Start associations, Texas adult protective services, school nutrition associations, Association of Elementary and Middle School Principals, principal associations, library associations   Emergency, safety, and Disaster . . . International Association of Emergency Managers, Disney Emergency Managers, state emergency management associations, insurance groups, COPIC, Salt Lake County Public Works and Municipal Services Disaster Recovery Conference, Pennsylvania Governor's Occupational Safety and Health conference, Mid Atlantic Safety conference and Chesapeake Regional Safety Council, Risk associations.  

Due to the hustle and bustle of city life, and in honor of Father's Day coming up later this month, we are re-airing one of our favorite episodes from this year. Please enjoy this conversation that I was able to have with Jae's dad a few months ago. Share with us in the comments your favorite story or memory that you have with your dad. We will be back in two weeks with new episodes of The New Yorkers Podcast. So look forward to those conversations.   ***********************************************   In this episode, Kelly is joined by Jae's Dad: Huston Watson Sr. He is a business owner, computer engineer, DJ and a Veteran.    Huston talks a bit about where he was born, and how his family came to love Brooklyn. He talks about growing up in a dangerous neighborhood, the friends he made and how he got through it.  He then talks about going into the Air Force, becoming a DJ and meeting his wife.  Kelly also asks Huston about his family, and Huston reflects on what it means for him to be able to become a father and how special that is for him. Huston then talks about his time working for Merrill Lynch, how he got the job initially, moving up the corporate later and the different jobs he's done for the company. Finally, Huston recounts his experience on 9/11. He talks about experiencing the first plane hit, helping escort people to safety, as well as the effects that it's had on his life.    But above all else; Huston S. Watson Sr. is a New Yorker.    Kelly Kopp's Social Media: @NewYorkCityKopp Chapters (00:00:00) - New Yorkers(00:01:28) - Houston Junior on His Nickname(00:02:29) - Jay from Brooklyn on Life(00:07:46) - Veteran on His Time in the Army(00:11:46) - Marine DJ on Temporary Duty(00:16:58) - Fool With a Gun(00:17:37) - How I Met My Wife(00:21:47) - Kelly on Her Love for Her Husband(00:26:19) - Jay Leno on Being a Parent(00:28:57) - How My Job at Merrill Lynch Came About(00:33:54) - Walking to work on September 11, 2001(00:38:15) - Survivors of the World Trade Center(00:42:33) - Witnesses on the World Trade Center(00:44:34) - Were You Scared of 9/11?(00:49:36) - Local reacts to the 911 memorial(00:50:57) - Were you drunk in the Warped Zone?(00:51:45) - Has it changed your perspective on life?(00:54:19) - What It Means To Be A New Yorker(00:55:39) - The New Yorkers Podcast: Episode 291

Laurence Holmes and Mark Grote were joined by FS1 host Danny Parkins to discuss the White Sox's ownership succession plan and the Cubs for a Cure radiothon.

Krenwinkel was just 21 years old when she participated in a two-day killing spree orchestrated by Manson in August 1969, which resulted in the deaths of pregnant actress Sharon Tate, coffee heiress Abigail Folger, Wojciech Frykowski, Steven Earl Parent, and Jay Sebring. The following night, she took part in the murders of Leno and Rosemary LaBianca. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Not Today Jenn and Eddie want you to connect with them! Does Eddie have sleep apnea? What does "Tennis Balls in Tube Socks" mean? You'll find out. How to deal with the worst critic you have, the self-critic. Eddie opened for Jay Leno and it really wasn't his crowd... or anyones. Jenn watched Dave Chapelle wrangle a crowd. Plus, Florida Man Friday!

Discover the surprising power of slowing down in a world obsessed with speed. While anyone can twist a throttle and go fast, the true art of motorcycling—and living—reveals itself when we master the delicate balance of going slow.Riding at a crawl demands exceptional skill and mindful awareness. That perfect balance point where you can come to a complete stop at a stop sign, then moving forward again, all without putting your foot down? It requires practice, patience, and presence. This mastery on two wheels mirrors the challenge we face in our daily lives: not just slowing down from frantic to a bit slower, but achieving genuine presence and intentional movement.Next time you're riding, find a quiet stretch of road and practice the art of going slow. Feel your breathing align with your movement. Notice how your awareness sharpens when you're not rushing. Experience what it means to ride like you're "meditating on two wheels." This mindful approach to motorcycling doesn't just make you a better rider—it connects you to that peaceful, easy feeling we're all seeking on the road and in life. After all, true mastery isn't found in how fast you can go, but in how present you can be at any speed.Support the show

This episode originally was released on December 12, 2023. Jay Leno needs no introduction. He is one of the greats, comedian, long time host of The Tonight Show on NBC and mainly a car enthusiast! Craig and Jay are friends and it shows in their conversation. Tune into a fun hour of jokes, stories and much more. This one is for the books. enJOY!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thompson Tipping Story // – Thompson Voiceover Stories // Jay Leno Pt 1Jay Leno PT 2 

Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care and NAPA TRACS  Recorded live at the Institute Summit, this insightful conversation explores how business leaders can apply sports principles—like team chemistry, leadership, and preparation—to enhance performance. Keynote speaker Ross Bernstein underscores the impact of storytelling as a powerful communication and trust building tool, sharing lessons from icons like Scotty Bowman and Jay Leno. The discussion reinforces the importance of having a solid business playbook grounded in strategy, data, and accountability, while also addressing the need to adapt to change, foster a culture of loyalty, leverage technology for growth, and prioritize meaningful personal connections and networking. A best-selling author of nearly 50 sports books, Ross Bernstein, is an award-winning peak performance business speaker who's keynoted conferences on all seven continents for audiences as small as 10 and as large as 10,000. Ross and his books have been featured on thousands of television and radio programs over the years, including CNN, ESPN, Bloomberg, Fox News, and “CBS This Morning,” as well as in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, and USA Today. https://www.rossbernsteinspeaking.com/ Show Notes Watch Full Video Episode The Institute of Automotive Business Excellence: https://www.wearetheinstitute.com/ Introduction to the Episode (00:00:00) Importance of Storytelling (00:02:51) Jay Leno's Storytelling Practice (00:03:50) Team Chemistry in Sports (00:05:06) Scotty Bowman's Coaching Insights (00:06:29) Building Team Chemistry (00:08:00) Innovative Recruiting Strategies (00:08:47). The Power of the Playbook (00:12:17) Measuring Performance (00:13:06) Continual Improvement in Business (00:14:21) Ketchup Insights (00:15:45) Practicing What We Learn (00:20:02) Generational Workforce Changes (00:22:11) Creating Loyalty in Teams (00:22:55) Time Perception (00:23:10) Focus and Distractions (00:23:49) Engagement in Presentations (00:24:38) Struggle and Growth (00:27:26) Humility in Leadership (00:28:25) Client Experience Officer Concept (00:30:05) Philanthropy and Business Success (00:30:23) Gamification in Customer Engagement (00:32:36) Adapting to Change (00:35:14) Networking and Personal Connections (00:36:21) Legacy Business Lessons (00:37:08) Business Fundamentals (00:39:00) Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care, NAPA TRACS and Automotive Management Network Learn more about NAPA Auto Care and the benefits of being part of the NAPA family by visiting https://www.napaonline.com/en/auto-care NAPA TRACS will move your shop

Johnny Mac covers the latest in comedy news, discussing Mike Birbiglia's new Netflix special 'The Good Life,' which delves into personal themes including parenting and his father's stroke. Conan O'Brien reflects on his Tonight Show departure and his career, while Ryan Reynolds' appearance on Conan's podcast reignites Jay Leno conspiracy theories. Jay Leno advises comedians to expand beyond local acts, and Howie Mandel talks about how 'Deal or No Deal' impacted game shows for comedians. Additionally, Hasan Minhaj praises Russell Peters' influence, and Matteo Lane shares amusing anecdotes from his special. Other segments include Al Scorch's public toilet reviews and Sebastian Fowler's cross-country BMX journey.00:00 Introduction and Previous Episode Recap00:11 Mike Birbiglia's New Netflix Special01:32 Conan O'Brien's Career Reflections02:54 Ryan Reynolds and Jay Leno Conspiracy Theories03:48 Jay Leno's Advice to Comedians04:26 Howie Mandel on 'Deal or No Deal'05:12 Asian American Comedians and Their Influences05:55 Matteo Lane's Comedy Journey07:41 Al Scorch's Public Toilet Reviews08:19 Sebastian Fowler's BMX AdventureGet the show without ads. Five bucks.  For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app which says UNINTERRUPTED LISTENING. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus.    Contact John at john@thesharkdeck dot com  John's free substack about the media:  Media Thoughts  is mcdpod.substack.com DCN on Threads: https://www.threads.net/@dailycomedynews https://linktr.ee/dailycomedynews You can also support the show at www.buymeacoffee.com/dailycomedynews Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/daily-comedy-news--4522158/support.

Jimmy and Tyler talk about ongoing and upcoming news. From the national attention-getting Leno's Law (Senate Bill 712). The bill that aims to exempt classic cars from California's smog check requirements. To the interesting discussion of should electric vehicles should pay road use tax. Learn More about Leno's Law (Bill 712): https://www.courthousenews.com/lenos-law-kicks-into-high-gear-at-california-capitol/ Want to win some Tires? Our friends at Yokohama are donating a set of tires for the 750 Apple Podcast reviews giveaway winner. Also, like before, we will give away swag packs every 50 until we get to the main giveaway. All reviews need to be left on Apple Podcast to be entered. Congratulations to TannerIsCooler for winning the 550 reviews swag pack. 1986Toyota4x4Pickup won 650 reviews for a SnailTrail4x4 Swag pack and an OnX off-road Elite Membership. Call us and leave us a VOICEMAIL!!! We want to hear from you even more!!! You can call and say whatever you like! Ask a question, leave feedback, correct some information about welding, say how much you hate your Jeep, and wish you had a Toyota! We will air them all, live, on the podcast! +01-916-345-4744. If you have any negative feedback, you can call our negative feedback hotline, 408-800-5169. 4Wheel Underground has all the suspension parts you need to take your off-road rig from leaf springs to a performance suspension system. We just ordered our kits for Kermit and Samantha and are looking forward to getting them. The ordering process was quite simple, and after answering the questionnaire to ensure we got the correct and best-fitting kits for our vehicles. If you want to level up your suspension game, check out 4Wheel Underground. SnailTrail4x4 Podcast is brought to you by all of our peeps over at irate4x4! Make sure to stop by and see all of the great perks you get for supporting SnailTrail4x4! Discount Codes, Monthly Give-Always, Gift Boxes, the SnailTrail4x4 Community, and the ST4x4 Treasure Hunt! Thank you to all of those who support us! We couldn't do it without you guys (and gals!)! SnailSquad Monthly Giveaway Like last few years, we are giving away two of our April Gift Boxes to two lucky winners. Each of you will receive one gift box with all the goodies that we put into the box. If you want a chance to win this mystery box, sign up as a SnailSquad member on Irate4x4.com Congratulations to Patric Eddy for winning the Devos LightRanger 2000. The new overhead light now has 2000 lumens and built-in color changing. Its amazing. If you want a chance to win a Light Ranger 2000 make sure to sign up as a SnailSquad member on Irate4x4.com Listener Discount Codes: SnailTrail4x4 -SnailTrail15 for 15% off SnailTrail4x4 MerchMORRFlate - snailtraill4x4 to get 10% off MORRFlate Multi Tire Inflation Deflation™ KitsIronman 4x4 - snailtrail20 to get 20% off all Ironman 4x4 branded equipment!Sidetracked Offroad - snailtrail4x4 (lowercase) to get 15% off lights and recovery gearSpartan Rope - snailtrail4x4 to get 10% off sitewideShock Surplus - SNAILTRAIL4x4 to get $25 off any order!Mob Armor - SNAILTRAIL4X4 for 15% offSummerShine Supply - ST4x4 for 10% off4WheelUnderground - snailtrailBackpacker's Pantry - Affiliate LinkLaminx Protective Films – Use Link to get 20% off all products (Affiliate Link) Show Music: Midroll Music - ComaStudio Outroll Music - Meizong Kumbang

Fulham suffered a devastating 3-1 defeat to Moyes' Everton which proved a humbling statement that Silva's side was probably not ready for Europe. As the ringings of 'Spirit of The Blues' haunt our dreams, George, Dan, Avais and Charlie Kipp review yet another capitulation from going ahead early on. In part one, they look back at how the match unfolded from an early Jimenez header that proved futile after a deflected Alcaraz strike caught Leno wrong-footed. They vent their frustrations on Fulham's inability to hold onto their leads, especially through set pieces, discuss Leno's goalkeeping performance and reflect on a collapse in mentality and leadership. In part two, they answer some of your listener questions. Why do we, as fans, let a random group of strangers ruin our weekends? How can Fulham improve the atmosphere at the Cottage? How are we going to entertain ourselves now until the end of the season?--SHOW-LINKS:If you enjoy Fulhamish, please consider contributing a small amount monthly to help pay our costs. As a bonus, you receive access to our exclusive Telegram group chats where you can chat with fellow FFC fans and Fulhamish listeners ➼ https://levellr.com/communities/fulhamish--GUESTS:George Cooper ➼ https://www.x.com/@GeorgeCoopsDan Cooke ➼ https://www.x.com/@DanSCooke97Avais Malik ➼ https://www.x.com/@Here4TheFulhamCharlie Kipp ➼ https://www.x.com/@CharlieKippSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this week's fan-favorite podcast, Jay Leno reflects on his relationship with Dave Letterman, recalling how Letterman made him feel at ease from the very beginning of the friendship. Leno also discusses the highly publicized 2010 late-night shakeup at NBC involving Conan O'Brien.

Sarah and Vinnie aren't giving up! Did you know Jay Leno is kind of a klutz? Ryan Reynolds had Hollywood eating out of his hand, and now we're talking about Travis Kelce unfollowing him on Instagram. Happy Cinco De Mayo! Do you know what we're really celebrating today? TSA is SERIOUS this time: The REAL ID deadline is this week. The McDonald's Secret Menu sounds… interesting. Plus, Vinnie calls out social behavior that needs to be stopped, while Matty gets a major burn from Sarah.

It's a gorgeous Monday! Did you take your kids to the brewery this weekend? Jay Leno has a long history of injuring himself, but it won't slow him down. TSA is SERIOUS this time: The REAL ID deadline is this week. We wonder if Ryan Reynolds thinks likeability is a prison. Plus, Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves are back together for a new movie, and Carrie Underwood has some advice. Don't look at the comments, don't stop on the highway, don't take shortcuts, and don't underestimate Lady Gaga - just grab a hoagie instead!

Comedian Brad Williams sits in with Adam and Jason “Mayhem” Miller to talk about the meaning behind Bob Geldof's song I Don't Like Mondays, sour cream ruining quesadillas, bathrobes, Adam's new YouTube series Road Rants and the mean comments it has been inspiring, and harmonica-led national anthems. They then try to figure out if the comedian Gallagher's brother is still alive with mixed results. Adam, Jason, and Brad Williams then go over the news stories of the day including a family continually catching a stranger using their pool, Jay Leno saying he made a mistake letting Kimmel humiliate him on his own show, and a lively debate over whether or not 100 men could defeat 1 gorilla. Elisha Krauss comes on to close out the show talking about the difference between conservative and liberal podcasts and YouTube shows, the Democrat's playbook to combatting Trump, Kamala Harris' potential run for Governor, how she approaches writing Op-Ed's for the Washington Examiner, what constitutes the best time for a radio news show, and why blind loyalty to politicians is a losing venture. Get it on. FOR MORE WITH BRAD WILLIAMS:INSTAGRAM: @bradwilliamscomicTWITTER: @funnybradWEBSITE: bradwilliamscomedy.comFOR MORE FROM ELISHA KRAUSS:INSTAGRAM & TWITTER: @elishakraussWEBSITE: elishakrauss.comFOR MORE WITH JASON “MAYHEM” MILLER:INSTAGRAM: @mayhemmillerTWITTER: @mayhemmillerThank you for supporting our sponsors:1800Flowers.com/adamBetOnlineoreillyauto.com/ADAMPluto.TVSIMPLISAFE.COM/ADAMLIVE SHOWS: May 2 - Port Charlotte, FL (2 shows)May 3 - Port Charlotte, FL (2 shows)May 4 - Melbourne, FLMay 30 - Tacoma, WA (2 shows)May 31 - Tacoma, WA (2 shows)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Warren Haynes Zooms in to chat with Adam about music, the Allman Brothers, and what it's like being in a band that insists on having two drummers—because apparently one just doesn't cut it.Riki Lindhome stops by the studio to talk about her new album No Worries If Not, her fertility journey, and how she managed to lock down Fred Armisen—without any witchcraft, as far as we know.Comedian and longtime friend of the show Jodi Miller, Adam, and Riki dive into the day's top stories: JoJo Siwa's sudden rebrand as a "gay pop icon," Rainn Wilson calling out MSNBC for being... well, MSNBC, and Jay Leno taking care of his ailing wife like the stand-up guy he is.All that, and probably a few things you weren't expecting. Get it on.FOR MORE WITH JODI MILLER:INSTAGRAM/TWITTER: @jodimillercomicWEBSITE: jodimillercomedy.comFOR MORE WITH RIKI LINDHOME:INSTAGRAM: @rikilindhomeWEBSITE: rikilindhome.comFOR MORE WITH WARREN HAYNES:INSTAGRAM: @therealwarrenhaynesTWITTER: @thewarrenhaynesThank you for supporting our sponsors:forthepeople.com/ADAMoreillyauto.com/ADAMPluto.tvSHOPIFY.COM/carollaLIVE SHOWS: May 2 - Port Charlotte, FL (2 shows)May 3 - Port Charlotte, FL (2 shows)May 4 - Melbourne, FLMay 30 - Tacoma, WA (2 shows)May 31 - Tacoma, WA (2 shows)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Who said it: Jay Leno or Violent J?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

MUSICRiot Fest just announced the lineup for its 20th anniversary, with GreenDay, Blink-182, and Weezer as headliners.  Thefestival will go down September 19th to the 21st at Douglass Park in Chicago.          311 singer Nick Hexum has releasedhis second EP in two months. Full Memories is the follow-up to Waxing Nostalgic,which was released in February, and it's the second installment in a trio oflunar-themed EPs.  Green Day will get their star on the Hollywood Walkof Fame on May 1st.  In your weekly JellyRoll news: Jelly Roll has threenominations, and Twenty One Pilots and Linkin Park eachhave two at the American Music Awards, which will be held May 26th in Las Vegas andair on CBS. Korn frontman Jonathan Davis willappear on the April 30th episode of Ghost Adventures on theDiscovery Channel. In recognition of VanHalen's “Jump” being streamed a billion times on Spotify, David Lee Roth hasre-posted a parody video for the song that was made minus the musicand with sound effects added to accompany the movements of the band members.It's quite funny.  Carlos Santana washospitalized after suffering a medical emergency on Tuesday, fainting duringhis soundcheck at San Antonio's Majestic Theatre. https://ultimateclassicrock.com/santana-hospitalized-2025/  Seth MacFarlane's ninthstudio album, Lush Life: The Lost Sinatra Arrangements, will feature 12unreleased arrangements created for Frank Sinatra by two of hislegendary collaborators. Rob Zombie is releasinga book on September 16th called 'House Of 1000 Corpses: The Making Of A CultClassic'  that goes behind the camera of his 2003 horror film. Jack Black will be part of Weezer‘s mysterious new movie. News of the Tenacious Dmusician's involvement was confirmed by frontman Rivers Cuomo, who shared anAI-generated film poster on band's Discord server. TVRobertIrwin carried a snake shirtless at the Hulu Get Real House event onTuesday (April 22) in Beverly Hills, California, to make a big announcement. Jay Leno would be down for a reunion with DavidLetterman, but he thinks it would be awkward for Dave.  MOVING ON INTO MOVIENEWS:Check out the trailerfor the HBO documentary "Pee-wee As Himself". "People" magazine doesn't justcrown the Sexiest Man Alive.  They also choose the World's Most Beautiful Person.  And this year, it's62-year-old Demi Moore.  Pete Davidson has removed 30% of his tattoos so far and hasspent $200,000.  He says it'll take him another 10 years to complete,and he hasn't even gotten to his torso and back yet.  AND FINALLY Actors have to do nasty things sometimes.  BuzzFeed put together a list of some gross behindthe scenes facts from movies and TV shows.   AND THAT IS YOUR CRAP ON CELEBRITIES! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

MUSIC Riot Fest just announced the lineup for its 20th anniversary, with Green Day, Blink-182, and Weezer as headliners.  The festival will go down September 19th to the 21st at Douglass Park in Chicago.            311 singer Nick Hexum has released his second EP in two months. Full Memories is the follow-up to Waxing Nostalgic, which was released in February, and it's the second installment in a trio of lunar-themed EPs.   Green Day will get their star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on May 1st.   In your weekly Jelly Roll news: Jelly Roll has three nominations, and Twenty One Pilots and Linkin Park each have two at the American Music Awards, which will be held May 26th in Las Vegas and air on CBS.   Korn frontman Jonathan Davis will appear on the April 30th episode of Ghost Adventures on the Discovery Channel.   In recognition of Van Halen's “Jump” being streamed a billion times on Spotify, David Lee Roth has re-posted a parody video for the song that was made minus the music and with sound effects added to accompany the movements of the band members. It's quite funny.   Carlos Santana was hospitalized after suffering a medical emergency on Tuesday, fainting during his soundcheck at San Antonio's Majestic Theatre. https://ultimateclassicrock.com/santana-hospitalized-2025/   Seth MacFarlane's ninth studio album, Lush Life: The Lost Sinatra Arrangements, will feature 12 unreleased arrangements created for Frank Sinatra by two of his legendary collaborators. Rob Zombie is releasing a book on September 16th called 'House Of 1000 Corpses: The Making Of A Cult Classic'  that goes behind the camera of his 2003 horror film. Jack Black will be part of Weezer‘s mysterious new movie. News of the Tenacious D musician's involvement was confirmed by frontman Rivers Cuomo, who shared an AI-generated film poster on band's Discord server. TV Robert Irwin carried a snake shirtless at the Hulu Get Real House event on Tuesday (April 22) in Beverly Hills, California, to make a big announcement. Jay Leno would be down for a reunion with David Letterman, but he thinks it would be awkward for Dave.   MOVING ON INTO MOVIE NEWS: Check out the trailer for the HBO documentary "Pee-wee As Himself".   "People" magazine doesn't just crown the Sexiest Man Alive.  They also choose the World's Most Beautiful Person.  And this year, it's 62-year-old Demi Moore.   Pete Davidson has removed 30% of his tattoos so far and has spent $200,000.  He says it'll take him another 10 years to complete, and he hasn't even gotten to his torso and back yet.   AND FINALLY  Actors have to do nasty things sometimes.  BuzzFeed put together a list of some gross behind the scenes facts from movies and TV shows.    AND THAT IS YOUR CRAP ON CELEBRITIES! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The guys discuss the differences between male logic vs female emotions, Kanye West's continued craziness, Madonna's hit songs, investing in trading cards, collecting shoes, the new American Idol, the 90 Day Fiance throuple, whether or not Erik can run a mile, TLC's Jay and Pamela, Jay Leno driving a tank on city streets and much more! Get two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcastDraftKings - Download the DraftKings Pick Six app NOW and use code GOLDENMint Mobile - If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at mintmobile.com/goldenDraftKings - Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code GOLDEN. That's code GOLDEN for new customers to get $150 in bonus bets when you bet just five bucksQuince - Go to https://quince.com/golden for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The DOGE uncovers even more unemployment fraud, with millions in benefits paid to people with birth dates in the future. After months of alleged federal obstruction, Florida charges President Trump's would-be assassin, Ryan Routh, with attempted murder. Pat Gray joins Glenn and Stu to share his Easter box of Keksi cookies. Glenn asks: Do liberals really hate Trump so much that they'll embrace Democratic politicians who STILL lie about China's role in the COVID pandemic? Glenn explains how Trump is fighting on our behalf against globalism, endless wars, the WEF, the WHO, and the elites' "Great Reset.” Capital Research Center's Ryan Mauro joins Glenn to unmask how pro-Hamas groups are now calling for the overthrow of “occupied” America. Glenn reviews how Jay Leno took on California's new ridiculous proposed regulations for classic cars. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After months of alleged federal obstruction, Florida charges President Trump's would-be assassin, Ryan Routh, with attempted murder. Pat Gray joins Glenn and Stu to share his Easter box of Keksi cookies. Glenn asks: Do liberals really hate Trump so much that they'll embrace Democratic politicians who STILL lie about China's role in the COVID pandemic? Capital Research Center's Ryan Mauro joins Glenn to unmask how pro-Hamas groups are now calling for the overthrow of “occupied” America. Glenn reviews how Jay Leno took on California's new ridiculous proposed regulations for classic cars. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Actor Josh Duhamel joins Adam to talk about his unlikely path from aspiring dentist to leading man in Hollywood, his blue-collar upbringing, and how it shaped his work ethic. They chat about his upcoming Netflix series Ransom Canyon, life at his off-the-grid Minnesota cabin, and the unexpected backlash he's received just for driving a Cybertruck—highlighting how bizarre and tribal the cultural climate has become.In the news; Dire wolves are (sort of) back—Colossal Biosciences unveiled gene-edited wolf pups modeled after the extinct species, sparking debate over de-extinction. Jay Leno hit Sacramento to back a bill exempting classic cars from smog checks. Forbes dropped its 2025 list of the richest women, and Bill Maher raised eyebrows by calling Trump “one of the most effective politicians” on his podcast.For more with Josh Duhamel : Ransom Canyon on NETFLIX - premieres April 17th www.GATLAN.com INSTAGRAM: @joshduhamel TWITTER: @joshduhamelThank you for supporting our sponsors:Adam Live ShowsHims.com/ADAMHomes.comoreillyauto.com/ADAMUpgrade your wardrobe instantly and save 20% off with the code Carolla at https://www.publicrec.com/Carolla #publicrecpodRuffGreens.com Use promo code “Adam”See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.