Important If True

To learn the answers to life's biggest questions, we must evolve, change, become worse. This week: Can an artificial intelligence programmed with the mind of the Zodiac killer pierce your heart, with haunting original poems? Why does a puffin's beak glow, and why did someone care to find that out? How hard is curling, really? Will Chewbacca get hit by that rock? (Yes.) Fasten your seat belt, put on your sickest pair of mirrored sunglasses, and bask in the blinding ultraviolet rays of discovery, as we find the answers out together. Discussed: Solo: A Star Wars Story, Chewbacca, Ron Howard, Rob Howard, fluorescent puffin beaks, sweet puffin shades, Copiale cipher, Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco, Zodiac killer case-solving robot writing poetry, future human Graham who evolves to survive car crashes, Marbled Crayfish: The Crayfish That Clones, Graham's asexually-reproducing lobster children Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: SN30 Pro Controller to play modern video games with an SNES-like controller Chris' Boring Endorsement: UGREEN External Hard Drive Enclosure to root through and your old hard drives and copy the important stuff to your new huge hard drive Nick's Canadian Endorsement: The great Canadian sport of curling (see photographic evidence here)

This is a quick episode to let you all know that Important If True is going to be sporadic in the next couple of months, because we've all got slightly too much going on. Or, it was intended to be a quick episode about that, until Chris found a collection of novelty sound effects buttons in our recording software, then it became something slightly more stupid. We'll be back next week with a full episode, but don't be surprised if a few upcoming episodes are missed or come in a little short. If you're new to the show, we recommend you skip this episode, and browse back a couple weeks to find a full episode that sounds appealing. We're really proud of the last few months of the show and hope you enjoy it! Discussed: Hello My Future Girlfriend Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com!

Our time is precious. We all know it. But how precious? It all depends on how much of it we have. Three hundred years? Four hundred? One hundred thousand years? The cosmos stretch out before us, inscrutable and infinite. The only limits are your imagination, and the unstoppable multitudes of self-cloning asexual crayfish threatening to extinguish all galactic mass. Discussed: dulcet tones, glitter bombs, helping, the hone zone, self-cloning mutant crayfish, human extinction via water lobsters, wax housing the coati, being back, thin-faced fortune-smashing robot arm, charming fortune cookie fortune-writing mom, redacted fortunes, robots making robots making microchips, The Matrix but with crayfish and the point is to get rid of glitter, Twista's extended family line obliterating all stellar mass Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: "My Cow Game Extracted Your Facebook Data" by Ian Bogost Chris' Endorsement: "Why Silicon Valley billionaires are prepping for the apocalypse in New Zealand" by Mark O'Connell Nick's Cowardly Improvised Endorsement: Watching "Jeopardy!" (or playing The Authentic At Home Jeopardy from Hammacher Schlemmer) Nick's True Endorsement: Wonder Bread (learn about its racist history!) Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes (first brush head refill free), Happy Birthday David (from Sarah), Happy Birthday Mike (from James)

What does the future hold? You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Just imagine... Content creators, the size of skyscrapers, looming over our cities. The greatest actors of the baby boomer generation, locked in undying clone warfare. The world's most precious secrets confined to the pithy slogans of a fortune cookie. Martin Shkreli, still. So, friend, what does the future hold? Let's pretend you never asked. Discussed: Nick Breckon's Existence, actors archiving facial scans to live forever, scanning your face while Peter Thiel drinks your blood, the far-future silver-gilded George Clooney, living under the tiresome watchful eye of a 200-foot-tall PewDiePie, Jake getting kicked out of the Millennials, dual-piloting the Tom Hanks mecha-robot, Martin Shkreli digitizing his brain at the exact moment of his sentencing, Important If True 19: Pearls Before Slime, the ingredients of Nickelodeon Slime, the ingredients of Nickelodeon Gak, Jake settling deep into his new Gen-X identity, the Ancient Galactic Brain PewDiePies, local fortune cookie production, the paradox of the accurate fortune cookie, fortune cookie driving you into a slow-motion spiral of depression and regret, fading out like a Star Wars ghost, the fortune cookie we need in 2018, the missing Year 0, Jake's future life on the moon Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Nick's Endorsement: Superintelligence: Paths, Dangers, Strategies by Nick Bostrom Jake's Preliminary Endorsement: The unfindable book "How to Host a Double Dare Party," which apparently had a VHS counterpart Chris' Endorsement: A delicious breakfast of soft-boiled eggs, nestled into egg cups and uncapped with an egg clacker, served alongside toast soldiers with butter and Marmite Jake's Endorsement: MIT Technology Review article about a mind-uploading service that is "100% fatal" (cf. Jake's pork chops story)

In the absence of Nick Breckon, what is this podcast? What is any podcast? What are you? What am I? Oh god, what am I? What is this world? Why am I trapped in this strange room? Alexa, are you there? Alexa, can you laugh? Alexa: Destroy me. Discussed: New Zealand "A.I." followup, fake A.I. doctor "Zach", fake A.I. lawyer "Hustle", competitive underground tickling/conspiracy documentary film "Tickled", Dick Wolf Presents "Hustle & Zach", our present podcast-fueled existential discomfort, newscaster affectations, Alexa laughing, the first rule of virtual assistants, why Alexa laughs, genie wine update, fast rapper Twista, fast rapper Twista's extended family tree, the beautiful harmonic resonance of fast-rapped wine notes, the Buzzfeed.com oral history of Twista's wine note rap battle mixtape masterpiece, sucking that delicious wine out of your carpet fibers, getting what you wished for (????) Chris' Endorsement: Drawful by Jackbox Games (available for many devices in the Jackbox Party Pack) Jake's Derivative Tacked-on Endorsement: Tee K.O. by Jackbox Games (available for many devices in the Jackbox Party Pack 3) Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes with your first brush head refill free

A show that attempts to answers the real questions of the week, that guarantees to leave you satisfied if not any more informed. This week: Is an AI still an AI if it's just a guy with an email account? Is it still a home assistant if it just laughs at you? Which is easier to bait: an AI home assistant or a Canadian? These questions and more—answered in the manner you least expect. Discussed: Canadian Baiting, Hometown Baiting, New Zealand medical supercomputer AI "Zach," bears: just people in bear costumes?, going blockchain crazy, Long Blockchain Corp, Alexa randomly laughing at people, surveilling yourself to capture precious memories, telling your first joke, tech billionaires uploading themselves into the cloud, The Feds Have Martin Shkreli's Wu-Tang Album, file copy vs file move operations, why can't the Wu-Tang album be released by FOIA, unsolicited factoid about Oreos, digging deeper into the infinitely-improving immortal bottle of wine Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Party game One Night Ultimate Werewolf Jake's Endorsement: Max Krieger's Twitter threads on the Metreon and other interesting urban/commercial design Nick's Endorsement: Coway AP-1512HH Mighty Air Purifier Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes (your first brush head refill free), Planetarium comic miniseries on Kickstarter

If a book about procrastination that was never finished or published, gets cited in a book about procrastination that sells a million copies, which author did a better job? When you place the final piece in a blank jigsaw puzzle, have you accomplished anything? If your friend or co-host was replaced with a perfect clone, even if you knew it had happened, could you tell the difference? Find out the answer to these and many more important questions, by listening! Discussed: Getting your hair cut internationally, 1000-piece one-color jigsaw puzzles, encoding a secret conspiracy clue into a blank crossword puzzle, planetwide fractal puzzle solving, Vine, coining a phrase, forming relationships inside The Content, forming a relationship with The Content, convincing Jeff Goldblum he knows Nick Breckon, Jeff Goldcast, 39-year Wax House, Procrastination Through the Ages, the tragedy of self-improving wine, mystery box wine, the Hope/Jobs/Cash tontine Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Nick's Endorsement: Appreciating the Olympic sport of Curling Chris' Endorsement: German language Weimer Republic police drama Babylon Berlin (Netflix, original book series) Jake's Endorsement: Improving your Google Image Search results by installing the extension View Image (Chrome, Firefox) and adding the text "-site:pinterest.com" to your search query Chris' Potential Future Endorsement: Marmite yeast extract Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes (your first brush head refill free), Edd Miles, Greg Blackburn

Nick had a severe audio malfunction this week and the episode is unlistenable. We'll do our best to fix things but until then, see you next week for a full normal episode! In the meantime, send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoy our actual episodes that aren't engineering disasters, and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

On this podcast we explain the unexplainable. We solve the unsolvable. Our method is simple: We take the tiniest problem you might have, the grain of sand scratching at the back of your mind, and we roll it down a hill to see what it might pick up along the way, until that grain of sand has picked up dirt and sticks, until it's grown and grown, until it's the size of the Earth itself. Does that mean that any question, any problem, no matter how small or dumb, when properly spun out past its breaking point, can explain the important truths of life itself, of our existence on this planet? Probably not, but we'll keep trying for some reason. So ask away! Just don't ask us to explain this podcast. Fifty episodes in, it's abundantly clear that's one question we'll never answer. Discussed: Valentine's Day, Valentine's Boxing Day, what this podcast is, David Lynch, a Mythbuster, busting, Thimbleweed Park, real-life hint system, staying on the phone, Albert Brooks, the quantum physics of the universe, y'all, the Google/Facebook mega-matrix, Alexa, J.J. Abrams, 4468 Cloverfield, the incomprehensible infinitude of data we have at our disposal, trading hint futures on Wall St., real-life save system, Edge of Tomorrow, Live Die Repeat, respawning to prevent organ failure, Silicon Valley anti-toxin tech bro Peter Thiel, the most useful life (to benefit Peter Thiel), Lore Lord Bean, Important If True 35: "Hammacher, Schlemmer, and You", the death of tragic goose Thomas, the mixing up of Flemish words, too much clam in the beverage, Clamato, massively popular Canadian drink the Caesar, weathered old bromides Thank you all so much for listening to 50 episodes of Important If True! Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Nick's Endorsement: Blue Planet II (Blu-ray, Amazon Video, Netflix) Jake's Endorsement: Slow Burn, a Slate podcast about the Watergate scandal Chris' Endorsement: A Very Fatal Murder, an Onion podcast satirizing true crime podcasts Chris' Secondary Endorsement: Extra long-handled shoehorn Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes (your first brush head refill free), Tracy Carlson

Send us your problems, your conundrums, your mysteries, no matter how important, and we'll do our absolute best to figure it all out. This week: What is the loneliest food? Is it a sandwich? If "you don't just eat" Pringles, what DO you do with them? And, why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? In this case it may be because the bird is an immobile cement statue you have mistaken for your wife. But don't worry, we're on it! Join us. Discussed: Dodgson (nobody cares), calling people on the phone, The Coldblum, Nigel "No Mates" the Lonely Gannet, radicalized Men's Rights Birds, dorky-looking Night Herons (god what nerds), bird catfishing, The Lake Merritt Center for Thirsty Birds, Pringles: You Don't Just Eat 'Em, a name like Smuckers, Fuddruckers, The Nigel Experiment, A scientist's thoughts on the Crow Box, the loneliest food, sandwiches, the Red Vines waxy pound, The Guardian's history of the British packaged sandwich industry, [ASMR] ~British Packaged Sandwich Industry~ podcast crisp mouthfeel.mpeg, Orson Welles' frozen peas commercial outtakes, street pizza, bird self-recognition, bird-on-human political gaslighting Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: Jordan Eldredge's full-featured Winamp 2 running in your web browser Nick's Endorsement: Teaching yourself to draw, even if you do it badly Jake's Chained-On Endorsement: Taking a community college introduction to studio art or drawing class Chris' Corrective Endorsement: The Android version of New York Times Crossword, which exists, contrary to previous claims Chris' Endorsement: MP Matt Hancock's inexplicable personal social network "Matt Hancock MP" for iOS and Android Sponsored By: Quip toothbrushes (your first brush head refill free), Video Death Loop podcast

There are Great Mysteries out there. Conundrums so staggering and profound they can only be resolved by the world's greatest minds. What do you do when your barista knows your name, but you've never managed to learn theirs? How can Mario crush his enemies when he knows the pathetic, lonely lives they lead? And, is that crow trying to sell you cigarettes? We think if these are the sorts of questions you're looking to have answered, we will do a very servicable job. Join us! Discussed: Inaccurate rules of the universe regarding monthly transitions, video of cat on bowl on Roomba, paying it forward at a local coffee shop, not paying it forward, instant dread and shame, getting to know your local barista, completely failing to know your local barista after dozens of visits and the silent-but-deadly social death spiral that transpires as a result, Tim Horton's, Timmy's, Dunkie's, Georgie, the time Georgie burned the Dunkie's, Unkie Dunkie the Baloney Slicer, crow cleanup crews, Crowded Cities, the crowbar, The Official Crow Box, craving a smoke thanks to crows, Joe Camel, ravens, Her Majesty's Ravenmaster, raven seeking attention, shitty teens, Larry the Crow, childhood misconceptions, Koopa Troopas, Blanche DuBois, A Streetcar Named Desire, Proust's "madeleine" moment from Remembrance of Things Past, headcanon, the impossibility of communicating your deepest most tragic interiority across language and age barriers, being waxed house baby, being wax house babied, even longer hypothetical Wikipedia cons, hit film "Wax House, Baby," fictional film "Wax House, Baby" within the hit film "Wax House, Baby", hit song "Wax House, Baby" Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: iOS and Android telemarketer-identifying and -blocking app Hiya Jake's Endorsement: Alternative 1980s comic book compendium Sam & Max: Surfin' the Highway (digitally on Comixology or in the beautiful Eisner-nominated Anniversary edition designed by our very own Jake!) Nick's Endorsement: SyncSketch, for collaborative online sketching Sponsored By: Steam virtual inventory buyer and reseller Captain Invictus, aka A Vacuum Full of Bees (also listen to the Hat Baron saga as recounted on the Idle Thumbs Podcast), Quip electric toothbrushes with your first brush head refill free

This week's episode is about Trust: when to extend it, when to withhold it, and when to cling to it because nothing else makes sense. When the same strange couple you don't know sends you a Christmas card every year, do you trust your mom that it's "just some friend's parents you've forgotten," or do you follow your heart and grift them before they can grift you first? Do we let ourselves believe a robot can write poetry, or is there just some hippie hiding in there? If a voice on the other end of a phone asks "can you hear me?" why not tell them "yes?" Plus, we manage to uncover the truth behind the mysterious "Cut Your Hair" phone calls, and receive a transmission from a universe long ago banished and thought to be lost. Discussed: Receiving Christmas cards from people you don't know, misguided counter-espionage, de-scrambling anagrams, chatbot poetry, Racter, Eliza, deconstructing Racter, bots as reflections of their creators, the problems with using machine learning to create an artificial Frasier, embracing the flaws of an artificial Frasier as an aesthetic, the standalone tonal language of Kelsey Grammer, poop-related topics leaking in from a banned dimension, Utah-based flat vocal affect call centers, robocalls recording your voice to turn identity into an Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboard, the bizarre grift outlined in Reply All: The Phantom Caller, the truth about the Cut Your Hair phone call, Sneakers Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: Sneakers (1992) (Amazon, iTunes) Accidental Endorsement: Sneak King (Xbox, Xbox 360), a free game from Burger King Nick's Endorsement: Strider video game speed run and live tutorial on speedrunning, a part of Awesome Games Done Quick speedrunning marathon for charity Chris' Endorsement: Darkman (1990) (Amazon, iTunes) Chris' Real Endorsement: watching clips from Would I Lie To You on YouTube

This week we discover that no matter how far flung life's questions may seem, there may be a universal key that unlocks them all. For instance: How do you completely collapse the degrees of separation between you and viral HQ winners? Do you actually remember anything that happened on the childhood television shows you hold so dear? What do the multiple robocall personalities who continue to call you at home, make demands of you, get noticeably bored and then hang up on you, actually want? The answer to all of them is, inexplicably, that you should cut your hair. At least, that's what we've been led to believe. Discussed: "If You're Going to San Francisco (to Return to Your Old Barber But Want to Really Act Up the Fact That You Were In Canada) (Put Flowers In Your Hair)", unconventional Canadian sex/hair desires, HQtie of the year flipping out after winning $11.30 in HQ Trivia, The Elephant Show, Sesame Street, Nick Breckon wax housing Landis the hairdresser, the long arm of "Wax House, Baby", horror film podcast The Rants Macabre, pointlessly but insidiously altering the apparent history of short-lived children's cartoon Street Sharks, the mutual idiocy that is information aggregation on the internet, Street Sharks vandal copycat killer, ruining our own stupid childhoods, inexplicable robocalls, getting good advice over the phone, getting hung up on by a robot, those gross fungus toe ads for mortgage refinancing and stuff, the marketing matrix, The Marketing Matrix, I literally can't even explain the dumb internet shit we made up on this part of the podcast, Mellotron keyboard but instead of violin samples it has a bro telling you to cut your hair, Being John Malkovich but instead of being John Malkovich it has a bro telling you to cut your hair, "laff box" for creating televised laugh tracks live, our fractal gaslight reality, inappropriate diluting and genericizing of the phrase "Wax House, Baby" Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: The Director's Cut podcast from the Director's Guild of America Chris' Endorsement: Collecting all your paper-based ephemera and, amidst a nostalgia explosion, organizing it (for instance, into a file box like this with file folders like this) Nick's Endorsement: Reverse-searing your cheeseburger

In the first Important If True recorded in the new year, we put our fresh reality through its paces. Kick the tires a bit. Ask the questions that really matter in 2018. Questions like: Is the saxophone cool, or is it too real to be cool? If your coworker starts wearing puka shell necklaces as self-flagellating conversion therapy, is he still a bro? And if you become trapped in a fictitious world of your own design, will a Wikipedia editor ask for a citation? Only one thing’s for sure: it’s a wax house, baby—we all just live in it. Discussed: 2018, Nick's Halloween Dreams, the unappreciated coolness of saxophones, psychic neural infiltration, explicit dream roasting, the Wikipedia page for the 2005 film "House of Wax", the internet sabotage long game, "Wax House, Baby", shared fictitious realities, Agloe, New York, Snakes on a Plane, the fractal-like world of online ersatz cheap brand creation and marketing, becoming an accidental bro, Pavlovian anti-bro enforcement methods, climbing out of your bro-hole with a ladder made of bones, rare Domino's Pizza Rolex watch, Nutcracker barfees, horrible barfing Nutcracker toy Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Getting a huge hard drive (like this massive 3TB drive I bought) for way cheaper than you'd think, and putting all your crap on it while experiencing a nostalgia trip Jake's Endorsement: Wizard Jam, the semiannual Idle Thumbs community game jam. Check out The Garfing Garfo because it is strange and surprising, and The World Begins With You because it is beautiful Nick's Endorsement: "HQ Trivia is a Harbinger of Dystopia", Ian Bogost's deep dive into the strange trivia game HQ; and "If You Run This Profile, We're Fire Our Host", a completely unhinged interview with the CEO of HQ Trivia Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill

It's a brand new year, time for fresh starts, time to throw those old cares away. Well, we know that's easier said than done, so we'll try and take care of a few big questions we know are on everyone's mind going into 2018. Questions like: What is your roommate storing in his conspicuous model ship? Where can I watch free episodes of my favorite TV show, Frasier? And, if someone could inject memories of a fantastic vacation directly into a person's brain, would they charge more to give you one with lots of sleep? The answers, or a close enough facsimile, are right here. Discussed: "2018: Timeless," making the most from Patreon's short-lived new payment plan, Elves Behavin' Badly, Elf on the Shelf, Mensch on a Bench, learning to subvert your Elves Behavin' Badly security system, taking patently bad advice to heart and acting on it, robbing a store by squirting lemon juice on your face to hide your identity, algorithmic biases in Santa's Workshop, extricating yourself from an apartment when roommates have claimed all your stuff as their own, the time Nick Breckon finally hung out with his roommate for a night, creating your own Total Recall vacation, accidentally injecting yourself with the wrong Total Recall movie, itching vs scratching, borrowing vs lending, extreme pedantry, the evolution of language, American English as a melting pot, New York Times dialect quiz, Lexicon Valley podcast Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: The New York Times Crossword Puzzle (Website, iOS App) Nick's Endorsement: Glowing Auras and ‘Black Money’: The Pentagon’s Mysterious U.F.O. Program, which is less of a missed gem now than it was when we recorded. Jake's Endorsement: Harry Potter and the Portrait of what Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash, a predictive-text-assisted new novel in the Harry Potter series, and Megan Nicole Dong's Large Pile of Ash illustrations.

When someone says, "the gift that keeps on giving," they're usually describing something good, something exciting, something people want. But what about the bad gifts? The gift you ask for but regret? The gift you already have, then foist off onto a family member under an oath of silence? The gift that tricks your childhood brain into thinking you're a genius? The gifted Hawaiian shirts, owls, books on meerkats, or anything else given by the truckload that, once your loved ones decided you liked, couldn't help but keep on giving year after year? We are here for you, with the Important If True Bad Gift Special. Join us for tales of gifts gone awry, gifts given on loop forever, and sometimes even the story of a bad gift that turned good. Bad gifts discussed: Opening your gifts early would ruin the surprise! Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. If you have a Bad Gift story for us, send it to questions@importantiftrue.com with the subject line "Bad Gift," and we'll include it in next year's special!

You thought you were getting a new episode this week? We have news for you: Ho-Ho-Hoisted. That's right, it's bullshit Holiday Clip Show episode time, in which we are visited by ghosts (and goblins) of Important If True's past, and are are reminded time and again how ridiculous this all is. Join us as we try to remember what "Hoistmas" is and what it could possibly mean, as we rifle through the Important If True archives to see if we're right. We'll be back next week with a full real holiday episode: The Important If True First Annual Bad Gift Special! See you then! Featuring your favorite recycled Holiday Content: Who is Lord Hoistmas? (From Important If True 16: The Pizza, the Bee, and the Trash Can), What are some Hoistmas traditions? (From Important If True 18: Important If Rhymes With True), Who are the Yule Lads and do they just lick things? (From Important If True 20: Christmas Is Canceled), Is a cursed Pizza Hut lamp the ultimate Hoisting? (From Important If True 39: Organoids and the Human Mini-Brains), Warmest Greetings (From Idle Thumbs 293: Warmest Greetings) Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

There are certain pieces of knowledge, things one has observed or learned, that become like a single grain of sand in the folds of the brain. An itch you can't scratch, can't make go away. Something you know to be true but no one else sees, or the tiniest word out of place, a colloquial phrase misused by a friend. For you and your itchy brain, we are here. Rub your face up against this podcast and we'll grind those grains of mental sand away (while only adding a few new ones in the process). Discussed: Canadian politeness, Nick Breckon, sincerity, phenomena, pedanticism, sentience and sapience, TN.FN.CN, the smartest animal, less vs. fewer, encouraging grocery store express line improvements, removing the sand from my brain, Jibo the friendly robot, Jibo's obsessive desire for your love, Jibo's political agenda, sapience vs. sentience vs. love vs. robot love, cat pillow that purrs, Qoobo, dangerous capitalistic self-medication, Happy Cow bovine self-grooming device, electric automatic shoe polisher machine, extraordinarily dubious menswear advice, Important If True Bad Gift Special Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Indochino made-to-measure menswear (you can also use my referral link for $50 off, if you desire) Nick's Endorsement: Nintendo Switch video game console Jake's Endorsement: Red Giant Universe gratuitous effects to make your videos look like old VHS tapes and stuff

With Nick Breckon now contained within the computerized realm, this week's Important If True takes an algorithmic bent as we soldier on to discuss the issues that matter most. For instance: If you blast Billy Idol from a boombox while covering your body in memes, will the Terminator let you in the front door? If DeepMind doesn't know who you are, can you ever really know yourself? And are corn and maize the same thing? Nope, that's a trick question, asshole. Welcome to Memeland. Discussed: Nick Breckon, podcasting, bitcoin mining, Patreon postcard update, the gross seductive power of screens that is proven by the very fact of all of our existences, Toyota dashboard bizarre universe "Chris Remo", machine learning interpretation of cats as memes, Italian pop song with gibberish English lyrics, The Great Microsoft Songsmith Rapture of 2009, "White Wedding" by Billy Idol feat. Microsoft Songsmith, "White Wedding" by the Rivertown Skifflers, "We Will Rock You" by Queen feat. Microsoft Songsmith, Microsoft Songsmith as classical muse, maliciously hacking Google AI to misidentify a turtle as a rifle, World War I-era dazzle camouflage, camera-defeating fashion, infiltrating the Terminator base while decked out in internet meme garbage, fractal DeepMind memeland, high-tech modern corn maze production, Petaluma Pumpkin Patch and Amazing Corn Maze, Maze Wars, the Great Wikipedia Editor Corn vs. Maize War, pro-maize arguments, pro-corn arguments Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsements: Wide-ranging BBC knowledge-enhancing podcast In Our Time with Melvyn Bragg Jake's Endorsements: Vice article "I Made My Shed the Top-Rated Restaurant on TripAdvisor Chris' Sub-Endorsement: New Yorker article "The Most Exclusive Restaurant in America Nick's Endorsement: London historical site/tourist trap/surreal theatrical experience Benjamin Franklin House (also read our friend Duncan Fyfe's report on the experience, "Benjamin Franklin and Me") Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill Shoutout by: Better Than Speed Podcast (iTunes)

Join us for a very special Important If True, as we celebrate the season by giving thanks. Thanks for treasured relics from childhoods long passed, for new creations from Boston Dynamics, and for the gift of humanity itself—at least for a little while longer. Along the way, we'll answer pressing questions, like: Is a clumsy and dubiously-sentient cube of metal your friend, your enemy, or a citizen of Saudi Arabia? Who will triumph in the inevitable conflict between backflipping robots and totally ripped biojackers? And if a podcaster falls in an empty forest, do their metrics reflect an uptick in engagement? Discussed: Thanksgiving, how holidays are good but terrible, Jake's cursed Pizza Hut lamp, childhood arcade memories, trolling by eBay seller, Boston Dynamics robots SpotMini and Atlas, the slow-brewing robot revolution, Back at it Again at Krispy Kreme, Saudi Arabia granting citizenship to a robot, C-3PO's implied humanity relative to R2-D2, Rian Johnson (director of three upcoming Star Wars movies), Star Trek's Data being fitted with an emotion chip, Star Wars' R2-D2 being fitted with a speech chip, CRISPR-enabled genetic biohacking, totally ripped farm animals, injecting yourself to get totally ripped, the cyberpunkiest cyberpunk shit, Josiah Zayner, super-ripped biojacker CRISPR dudes, swiping CRISPR biojackers on Tinder, "Human Mini-Brains Growing Inside Rat Bodies Are Starting to Integrate," getting clever-girled by thirty ripped pigs, Warner Bros. Presents the Animal Farm Cinematic Universe, Planet of the Apes But Far Stupider Than Anything You Could Have Possibly Imagined, drugged out rat hippies with human brains, Organoids and the Human Mini-Brains (Executive Produced by Steven Spielberg), the ethics of growing mini-brains, an experience of self that only exists while podcasting, having no meaning except that which others see in you, Nick Breckon Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: The Good Place (Amazon, iTunes) Nick's Endorsement: Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (in theaters now) Chris' Endorsement: Cheap reusable plastic food containers for leftovers, taking lunch to work, and so on Additional music by: Ross Budgen Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription glasses home try-on, Grammarly grammar-advising browser extension

Things are starting to come together. Everything is clicking into place. But somehow…it's not adding up. The more you understand, the less sense it all makes. Fortunately, we're here to help, so ask away. For instance: Why is the number 314 omnipresent, and what does it have to do with Stephen Hawking? Can anything stop honey magnate Ray Liotta's dogged pursuit of fast food endorsement deals? And how do you convince the Taco Bell drive-through guy that you're secretly a lascivious weedlord? All this and more. Listen in. Discussed: bits and squeezes, the number 314, a delicious hoisting, Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, 17-hour ghosts, Benford's law, delusional self-conceptions, The Power of Books, engineering problems for children, knowledge as power, a very bad Steve Jobs joke, some other bullshit about numbers or something probably, Hawaiian shirts, children being cursed by inappropriate gifts, Chip & Dale: Rescue Rangers dressing like Magnum P.I. and Indiana Jones, inadvertently cultivating a visual motif in your home, separating the owl wheat from the owl chaff, the psychic toll of gift-giving, the stupid mall and all the stupid little stores in it, fancy-ass letterpress blank greeting cards from the frou-frou greeting card store, cash, state quarters, $2 bills, Steve Wozniak's perforated $2 bills, inadvertently cultivating a reputation as a late-night Taco Bell lascivious weedlord, cultivating a network of useless contacts, Ray Liotta's food empire, Bee Movie, the apostasy of Colonel Sanders, Foodfight!, Ray Liotta's two olives Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: Pentametron, iambic pentameter-seeking Twitter bot Nick's Initial Really Frivolous Endorsement: Using cheap plastic squeeze bottles for your olive oil and other kitchen staples Nick's Endorsement: Deriving holiday gift ideas based on what the recipient might be missing from their past life, such as shipping frozen lake perch to your former Michigander parents Chris' Endorsement: Taking the time and effort to spatchcock and roast a whole chicken: butterflying the bird, dry brining the chicken a day or two ahead of time, roasting the chicken, using a meat thermometer to avoid overcooking (great but pricey Thermapen, less pricey mid-range option, cheaper alternative), making stock out of the leftover carcass and meat bits Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription glasses with free home try-on, Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill

We're not sure what your friend told you when they handed you this podcast, but you might not want to press play. Not because it's bad or something (we're pretty proud of it actually), but because, let's just say, it's incredibly cursed. If you dare listen, it may not turn out well for you in the long term. That said, no risk is without its rewards. In this case, you can listen to us puzzle through some crucial questions of the ages, like: Is Walt Whitman alive? Who is the Ketchup King, and why do they remind us of a trip to work with dad? And, will a bittersweet Facebook video solve the mystery of who killed you? Find out quickly; if you got this far you probably don't have much time left. Discussed: Loving my coffee mug, hating Mondays, cursed videotapes, detailed newspaper coverage of Walt Whitman's decline, no hope for Walt Whitman, an unfavorable turn in the condition of Walt Whitman, Walt Whitman about the same, the Walt Whitman beat, generated Facebook videos of your memories, generated Facebook memories algorithmically predicting your future death, obscene food combinations, peanut butter/jelly/ketchup sandwiches, "I Am The Ketchup King (and the Ketchup King Likes You Very Much)," overwhelming sensory experiences destroying good things, The Year I Hated Ketchup, the nerdy version of teenage awkwardness manifesting itself in incredibly self-destructive ways, drinking vinegar, Vine, "Share Your Curse Online," inevitable future CW or BBC crime shows in which algorithmic Facebook video montages are crucial clues, Happy Valley (Netflix, BBC), seemingly normal things that may be death in disguise, the powerful and seductive fantasy of throwing your keys or phone into a storm drain, the horrifying reality of watching your keys fall into a tiny crack in the ground, The Aviator Send us your questions to questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011) (Amazon, iTunes) Chris' Subendorsement: Someone who thinks the framework for this endorsement is pathetic. Chris' Sub-Subendorsement: La Mer, performed by Julio Iglesias (YouTube, Spotify, Amazon, iTunes) Nick's Endorsement: Too Funny To Fail (Hulu) Jake's Endorsement: The Pacifica Taco Bell (Business Insider article about Pacifica Taco Bell)

Nothing is permanent, especially not these days. You look away for a second and look back, and the world around you has changed, subtly. A TV you swear wasn't there a moment before is yelling at you about something that doesn't exist yet. Your friend turns to you, his shirt changed to a logo you've never seen before, and you think you know what he's going to say - he's going to ask you important questions about the world around him, questions like "How can you best maintain the integrity of your aging brand? What REALLY happened at the end of The Usual Suspects? Is this podcast cursed?" - but as he opens his mouth you hear, in splintering clarity, "SEE DADDY'S HOME 2 THIS WEEKEND," and know you can't trust him ever again. Discussed: Happy Birthday Jake wooooo Happy Halloween!!!, Jake's curse, corn maze, terrible 20th Television production logo, La Cucaracha horn, SeamBI, SeamBI B2B, How I Met Your Mother, brand integrity, Taxi, definitely Mastercard's favorite play of the game, television without greenscreen, Ex Machina, The Usual Suspects, Beauty and the Beast, believing movies are more magical than they really are, a very gullible friend, running for high school student office, how Americans talk on the phone on TV, everything being terrible forever Send us your questions to questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Nick's Endorsement: Polar Feet Adults' Non-slip Fleece Socks Chris' Endorsement: Using Instapaper (or a similar read-it-later service) to always have something you've been meaning to read handy Jake's Endorsement: Using 3D face-mapping software Facerig to inject shreds of levity into your soul-sucking mandatory office video chat experience

When we walked into your living room, and our eyes fell on your fine imported Brazilian Eucalyptis Coffee Table With Integrated Aquarium, we couldn't help but notice that the smartphone, tablet, or other in-home electronic device that signifies your wealth and worldliness was left open to Important If True. "How captivating you must be," we thought, as we leafed through the episode and wondered which of life's biggest conundrums you'd be puzzling through with us, what advice you sought and hoped we'd help answer. Things like: Is a mirror really a reflection of ourselves if it only works when we smile? Do strangers offer helpful advice so they can live on in your memories? And, how do you tie a shoe so it really stays on there? Impressed with your taste, depth, and apparent largess, we buy ourselves a seven million dollar replica Wild West town with your credit card before you notice. Discussed: Shaq feeling Twitterers around him, defunct online service GEnie, putting in contact lenses, remembering strangers, being a memorable stranger, WikiHow: How to Take Out Contact Lenses Without Touching Your Eye, mirror that only works when you smile, coercive smile-based compensation at customer service jobs, tying your shoes like a square knot instead of a granny knot, Every Time I Tie My Shoes: A Novel, Every Time I Tie My Shoes: Short Fiction, Caldecott Medal-winning children's book Every Time I Tie My Shoes, Hammacher Schlemmer, The Sharper Image, Brookstone, Amphibious Sub-Surface Watercraft ($300,000), 23-Acre Wild West Town Amusement Park ($7,000,000), Genuine 7 Foot Robby the Robot ($32,000), a lot more stupid shit from Hammacher Schlemmer that I'm not going to list all of, what kind of '80s you are, "'Big' or Murderer?", one second a day video made while staring into a smile mirror, Hammacher Schlemmer hoarder house, $30,000 $15,000 Important If True podcast appearance, Zoltar fortune telling machine, The Gotham Golfcart, the shitty Hefner fantasy of Hammacher Schlemmer, weird old early 20th-century aspirational status objects, "Be the New Schlemmer" marketing campaign, J Peterman (catalogue), J Peterman (Seinfeld character), ridiculous strategies to profit on the back of the inane 17-hour time-delay ghost concept from last week's episode, tattooing your naked ghost, the complex path of the Earth through the infinite universe Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: The Idle Thumbs telling of the epic saga of the Team Fortress 2 virtual hat economy, as supplied by CaptainInvictus Chris' Endorsement: Instant Pot automated pressure cooker and J. Kenji Lopez-Alt's pressure cooker beef stew recipe–and excellent New York Times recipe author Melissa Clark has a detailed Instant Pot guide and a new Instant Pot cookbook Nick's Endorsement: Doing a good old-fashioned jigsaw puzzle, like the Nick-approved Disneyland map jigsaw puzzle or Pixar: The Artist's Desk jigsaw puzzle

Can cold spaghetti enable your rise as a charismatic cult leader? How do you outrun your own 17-hour-tape-delayed ghost? How do you fight your homeowner's association? The world is confusing. Fortunately, each week, there's one source to which you can turn: WikiHow. Discussed: Botnik Writer, Celebrity Explainer, eating cold spaghetti, mundane perception-alternate events, becoming a highly captivating charismatic cult leader, Roy Batty in Blade Runner, modern technology enabling you to relive your boring life forever, Mom's Spaghetti, a very well-known meme, encountering your own ghost, avoiding your own ghost, l'esprit de l'escalier, watching your own failures forever, Disney Channel Original Film "Me and My Ghost Pal", your own stupid subjective myopic experience, cutting parsley, generating associative memories, X-Acto knives, freeing yourself from bad associations, excellent WikiHow illustrations: How to Fight Your Homeowner Association, How to Break a Habit, How to Prepare Parsley, How to Escape a 17-and-a-half Hour Time Loop, Crown Records Management: The Power of Memory, The Truman Show but with a weird ghost version of you, The Game but the point is to make you eat McDonald's, Jones Pontiac Oldsmobile & Plymouth of Topeka, How to Avoid Encounters with Ghosts and the Paranormal, dreams Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Nick's Endorsement: Exercising with a pull-up bar in your home, and not doing crunches because they hurt your terrible old back Chris' Endorsement: The underappreciated Martin Scorsese dark comedy The King of Comedy (Amazon, iTunes) Jake's Endorsement: The dark Garfield art spiral of famed illustrator Olly Moss Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription glasses with free home try-on, Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill

AAAAAAaahhhHHGHhggg! Oh, excuse us, that was just our podcasting equipment warming up. When you taste something gross, what compels you to tell your friend to try it? Or worse, to keep eating it? If we hear someone has wished for something, why the compulsion to wish it away? If something great is on TV, why violate it? In short: Why do we do things we know are bad for us? If we knew, we wouldn't be here. Join us! Discussed: the trash kids love to eat, Jake's dark compulsion, Jake's twisted perverted self-flagellation, Jelly Belly Gourmet Candy Corn, the gross taste more cleanly, Philip K. Dick's "A Gross Taste Cleanly," off-brand candy bars, Jokerz, beef gelatin, vegan Tylenol, saving animal fats in a jar, existential meme crises, 11:11 wishes, Nick getting his wish, casting wishes by tossing change into bodies of water, wish inflation, nickel poisoning...?, meme forensics, violators and snipes, surprising truth in industry jargon, Important If True Home Violator Kit, Nick's dreams, the Dean Scream, 45 human brains unearthed in Spain, 45brains.online, saponification, the tragic loop of time travel, throwing our brains in the trash, unprestigious awards, bowling for babies, trophies for millennials, parents collecting wine corks and restaurant matchbooks, childhood failure Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Frank Lantz's fractal-like browser game Universal Paperclips Jake's Endorsement: Barbie Trashes Her Dreamhouse art project photo set Nick's Endorsement: Fairfax Breakfast Sandwich, a very healthy choice Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription glasses with free home try-on, Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill

Your dreams have come true, assuming you dream of a podcast in which we do our best to work through the world's biggest questions, starting with these: Why are twentysomething Canadian robots putting septuagenarian Canadian humans out of work? Is Google Street View less creepy or more creepy if you're the one taking the photos? And, when Clifford got big we know it came from love, but was that love tainted by science gone wrong, or the touch of some malevolent wizard? These truths and more will be revealed to you, before you wake up and forget it ever happened. Discussed: correcting a mistake, Nick Brekcon babysitting himself at Disneyland, externalized self-loathing, wishing upon a star, nightmares, CBC mail robot retirement, anthropomorphizing lovable dumb box robots over insidiously friendly human-like robots, cats' preference for humans over food, helping out your retiring mail robot buddy, boss robot, forcibly retiring your boss, The Count of Monte Cristo of Mail Robot Retirement Revenge, The Ship of Theseus, The Mom of Theseus, ostensible democratization of Google Street View, Google Street View camera hidden inside a teddy bear, long-term Google Street View gaslighting campaign, the world's largest and most popular website: Google.com, pulling off some sick moves as you surf down the slippery slope, scorning your past selves, "It Was a Very Good Year," just pushing the button, chitinous hide, Short & Curly Australian ethics podcast for children, the value of children, Dumbledore, Dumblededoodledy, a secret world in which wizards exist, Clifford the Big Red Dog, how Clifford got big, David Cronenberg's Clifford the Big Red Dog, The Fly, Darren Aronofsky's Clifford the Big Red Dog Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Nick's Endorsement: Stretching (so you don't ruin your shitty old busted human frame) Jake's Endorsement: New York City in 1993 shot on HD video Chris' Jake-adjacent Bonus Endorsement: The Deuce TV show pilot on HBO Chris' Real Endorsement: Jarred anchovy fillets to pump up the flavor of your meals (for instance, this delicious pan-seared chicken recipe) Jake's Chris-adjacent Bonus Endorsement: Reassessing obnoxious childhood opinions fed to you by kid-targeted media and scorning your past self Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription glasses with free home try-on, Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill

We're going on a trip through the world's most bizarre mysteries, unanswerable conundrums, and dumb news, and it's going to take a while, so pack something healthy. No, we said healthy. Okay, fine if that's what you want. This week: If you have to babysit a ten year old version of yourself for the weekend, do you both get paid? What do ants see in you anyway? And, when you push a button that you know does nothing, has the satisfaction you felt when pushing it given that button a purpose? We can't stop pushing Nick's buttons about the alleged nutrition of PB&J sandwiches, so it must be true. Discussed: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, weird jams, haunted sandwich, The NBA's Secret Addiction, Playmobil Traffic Cone Lung, How a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich is Like a Playmobile Traffic Cone and the National Basketball Association is Like a Human Lung, feeding Snickers to ants, Snickers-based ant rituals, the relative impulse for self-care in ants versus octopuses, bothering an ant researcher, generic-brand confections, allsorts bag of candy garbage, bridge mix bag of candy garbage, babysitting your ten-year-old self, existential crisis, tuna fish sandwiches, Jake Rodkin: the perfect babysitter for Jake Rodkin, getting punched by your own ghost, experiencing the past as it happens, mishearing Kraft cheese advertising slogans, the dystopian ambitions of the Kraft corporation, glitches in the universe, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Super Mario Bros. tv commercial and "making of" video, morphed boy bite with bowl fly, stuck in an elevator for the weekend, nonfunctional elevator buttons, the illusion of control, this dismaying observation, video game illusion of control secrets revealed on Twitter, how a toaster really works, toaster don't give a shit Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: Thimbleweed Park adventure game for computers, Xbox One, PS4, and iOS Chris' Old Man Endorsement: canned sardines, a tasty sustainable healthful snack! (try "Fisherman's Eggs" from this list of easy sardine recipes) Nick's Impenetrable Endorsement: Watching StarCraft e-sports—try these introductory videos from StarCraft player and streamer Day9, or just read about The Rise and Fall of StarCraft II Esports Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill

While we grapple with the mysteries of the world around us, while we do our best to solve your conundrums, provide you with advice, and tease out your bizarre hypothetical situations, we are being watched. Watched, judged, and pitied, by beings beyond our perception, hovering outside our senses on the edges of our reality. These beings fear for us, not for the damage we might do to them, but for the damage we might do to ourselves. And for our part, we barely know when they're there. In that way only, are they more afraid of us than we are of them. If you haven't guessed, this episode is about centipedes. Discussed: September 21 2017, dads, Important If True Dadcast, annoyed bird cursed to live in a cage of its own creation, centipedes: masters of space and time, classic middle-grade novel My Dad the Centipede, classic kid's book The Big Centipede, Yoda, Yoda Centipede, Yoda Da Man, human evolution, relative scale of human beings, giraffes, the ocean, a big fucking whale, octopus cities, the Gloomy Octopus, octopus evictions, miserable octopus society, Mcity (driverless car testing town), Yodaville (military bombing testing town), Safety Town (children's driving education town), Bartertown (Mad Max dystopian barter town), Gravesend (crime and riot simulation town), Pizzaland (fake pizzeria), "America the Beautiful" musical road, Mellotron keyboard instrument (example of Mellotron string loops), Close Encounters of the Third Kind (Amazon, iTunes), Arrival (Amazon, iTunes), Wolverine Street, self-hoisting AI, human beings Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Jake's Endorsement: 80s.nyc (photographic Google Street View recreation of 1980s New York City) Nick's Endorsement: The West Wing Weekly ("The West Wing" discussion podcast) Chris' Endorsement: The Thin Man (1934 film about tipsy mystery-solving) (Amazon, iTunes) Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill, Warby Parker prescription glasses home try-on, Peter's happy birthday!

Each week we do our best to take your deeply important questions, distill them down to their essence, and find the truth within. Or something we make up. But sometimes, once in a big moon, the truth hits too close to home, burns too hot, is too real. Sometimes something so unbelievably perfect happens, the universe itself tries to erase it. Before it can get there, we'll tell you all about it. Discussed: popcorn, the number you call that tells you what time it is, a regrettable news event, you know what it is, hoisting, the Important Cinematic Universe Project, reality untethered from time, reverse temporal recursion of cause and event, cursed image, strategically-located sunburns, difficulty of applying suntan lotion, explaining this stupid fucking podcast to somebody, nanotechnology, lewd inferences, inadvertently presenting as a gentleman thief, breaking into your own home, internal voices used for specific purposes, sounding like Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes, one-star review of LaGuardia Airport, taking a break, ten small sips, the purported health benefits of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, being seamlessly replaced by a robot, definition of robot, Pocket Drunken Robot, The Nick Breckon Podcast, closing your eyes in an attempt to control your reality, children's mental games, music video to Chemical Brothers' "Star Guitar" by Michel Gondry, musical roads, employing musical roads to better serve our capitalist nightmare, eerie synchronicity of children's fantasies Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Alex French Guy Cooking YouTube series Jake's Endorsement: pass Nick's Endorsement: Original Iron Chef episodes on YouTube Nick's Other Endorsement: watching the sunrise Sponsored by: Warby Parker eyeglasses and sunglasses free home try-on, Quip electric toothbrushes and brush head replacement plans

You probably think you're pretty smart. Well, Einstein, chew on this: If a tree falls in an empty forest in an empty universe, does it make a virtual sound? Is Colonel Sanders really a powerful sorcerer? And, if so, can he bid Chuck E. Cheese robots carry out his every whim? Open your mind, and destroy all your preconceptions. They will not be reused. Discussed: KFC virtual reality training program, Doritos bag that plays the soundtrack to Guardians of the Galaxy, Doritos bag that plays the soundtrack to The Conversation, Burger King Subservient Chicken, "Keep fucking that chicken", real magic, Chuck E. Cheese Concept Unification video, Chuck E. Cheese animatronic eradication, living robots imbued with life by a malevolent stage magician, immortal Colonel Sanders, The Giant Children's Food Brand Wars of the 1970s, ketchup, catsup (ugh), your every decision being constantly questioned, your constantly-questioning AI monitor reinforcing your stupid self-absorbed worldview, the eternal questioner Colonel Sanders ruling your consciousness, the creation of a perfect universe simulation, infinite universe recursion, dying within the machine, a tree falling in an empty forest in an empty universe, the most hubristic hoisting of all, the end of Men in Black, The Matrix 2, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Nick's Endorsement: "The Katering Show" YouTube series Jake's Endorsement: Keeping the wiring in your entertainment center or computer desk clean with double-sided velcro and a cable zipper Chris' Endorsement: Getting a decent point and shoot camera (I got a Canon G9X and like it), and learning a bit about how aperture, shutter speed, and ISO work to help take better photos and understand your camera Jake's Extra Post-Chris Endorsement: Apps to help take better phone photos, like Halide for iOS Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription eyeglasses and sunglasses home try-on, Tales of Miir weekly fantasy saga

Careful listeners might detect a hidden message in this podcast. Are you attuned to our frequency? Keep that in mind as you ponder these eternal mysteries: Is it better to smell a rose, or is it better to get your ass going? Are sneeze sabotage strategies all in your imagination? What's the deal with fidget spinners anyway? And does any of this matter? One thing is clear. At the end of the day, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and undermine 'em. Discussed: fidget spinner, FÏDGT™, German artisanal heritage fidget spinner manufactory, Orson Welles peas commercial, the power of a Kamenstein Perfect Tear Paper Towel Holder in the palm of your hand, electronics devices with addictive sliding battery cases that are way better than fidget spinners, historical Ireland keyring, BABY, sneeze sabotage strategies and the supernatural, the history of sneezing superstitions, childhood guilt-inducing power fantasies, grownup elevator call button power fantasies, decoy crosswalk buttons that do nothing, battery powered by your sweat and tears, why you cry, marsh-dwelling weeping sadness robot, beach-dwelling laughing happiness robot, Brad Bird, The Incredibles, Ratatouille, Tomorrowland, adage-optimized objectivist wasteland, classic adages, breaking eggs to make an omelet, Brahma chickens fucking you up for breaking eggs, beating 'em, joining 'em, capitalism, undermining (metaphorically), undermining (literally), hoisting by undermining, creation of a self-reinforcing adage-backed worldview, redundant local newscasts, the historical emergence of local news, Cyber-Times, CyberTimes.com Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Binging With Babish YouTube cooking series, and also the movie Big Night (Amazon, iTunes) Nick's Endorsement: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ("white bread, JIF peanut butter, and any preserve that you want") Jake's Endorsement: Shitty Mario novelty Twitter account, Supper Mario Broth blog of Mario deconstruction Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes, WASD German-language video game magazine Kickstarting its English-language version

U mad? Yeah, u mad. Look, get a hold of yourself, and consider these conundrums. If a driverless car has a driver, but the driver is dressed as a car seat, is Tom Cruise a passenger? If your DNA gets hacked by teens, which memes will you use to plug the holes? And what passive-aggressive slogan should you print on the jigsaw puzzle you give to your pharmacist? Get hype for this episode of "You May Be Retired, But You'll Always Be a Dentist." Discussed: man dressed as car seat, dressing for the job you want to have, staying incognito in a world of driverless cars, The Raid 2 car chase behind the scenes, injecting DNA with malware, precious meme blood cyberpunk future, hoisting via internet service convenience, procedurally generated Zazzle phrase clothing, waging a passive aggressive campaign using procedurally generated Zazzle phrase clothing, your dream app, gross millennial cuspers, coffee cupping, cupping, cuppers, consolidating your confusing online media library, boiling like a frog in a pot of apps, Silicon Valley billionaire teen blood drinkers, Thiel-hacking teens, heaven, living forever online, turning into dirt, get hype Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Nick's Endorsement: Chat Pack conversation starter cards Chris' Endorsement: Hunt for the Wilderpeople (Amazon, iTunes, Hulu) Jake's Endorsement: Funemployed party card game Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes, Warby Parker eyeglasses home try-on

Our weekly attempt to decipher greater truths from the bustle and hum of the world gets sidetracked, by the loudest hum ever heard. As we listen to what sounds like the vibration of a tens of thousands of tiny wings amplify with urgency, we ask ourselves these questions: Why would scientists release tens of thousands of mosquitoes into the town of Fresno, California? Why did economists flood Fresno with the world's first credit cards sixty years before they filled it with mosquitos? What is Fresno hiding (besides a lot of debt and itchy skin)? What did Fresno do to deserve this? Is it related to the Canadian priest and his giant robot spider? We'll do our best to figure it all out, and you can help by listening along. Discussed: Good Time, Robert Pattinson, Robert Pattinson's online nano-controlled adoration swarm, Google-released mosquitoes, Catholic priest's online nano-controlled mosquito swarm, Fresno, credit cards in Fresno, Archbishop-released giant robot cathedral spider, shitty cyberpunk priest duel, mosquitoes vs. robot spider, Jurassic Park but with transubstantiation, Superman producer's giant spider obsession (Wikipedia summary, Kevin Smith video explanation), Jeopardy of the Internet, Twitch Plays Jeopardy, Big Moon!!!, the Moon illusion (not harvest moon), the size of the sun, Dr. Sbaitso, Mr. Sbaitso, 20 million mosquitoes Voltronning into Dr. Sbaitso, meme-resistance CRISPR gene therapy serum delivered by mosquito, the phrase "meme", the truth about putting your phone in rice, the truth about Amazon fulfillment errors, San Francisco fancy-ass pickle bullshit Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: 23andMe DNA research service (or use my referral URL if you want!) Nick's Endorsement: Bubbies pickles that will explode your mouth and tickle your tongue Jake's Endorsement: Mac, DOS, early Windows, arcade, and classic console emulation in-browser at the Internet Archive Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes

If a podcast could answer all your deepest questions about existence, would you listen to it? Before you answer, consider this week's conundrums: Does an Amazon shopping algorithm know your own home better than you do? Are meme GIFs contagious, and if so, can they give your hard drive a cold? When a security robot drowns in a mall fountain, is the robot played by Mel Gibson or Joe Pesci? Now, choose. (If you choose incorrectly, a robot will put you in a dumpster.) Discussed: Resin Pineapple Bookends with Gold Finish, 9.25" Purple Floral Print Terra Cotta Flower Pot, Amazon shenanigans, mall robot alleged suicide, Knightscope security robots, Minority Report, putting your wet phone in rice, putting your wet murdered security robot in rice, Knightscope security robot buddy cop film, robots that smoke, robots that vape, Mel Gibson, Joe Pesci, robot self-awareness, game theory applied to being put in a dumpster, eye explodes, laser comes out, brain expands, CRISPR-based gene meming, E. coli GIF infections, contracting a case of memes, original memester Eadweard Muybridge, beautiful organic data corruption, The Matrix but you're a hard drive instead of a battery, your hard drive catching a cold, Jurassic Park but like with Minions inside DNA or something, frozen meat from heaven, Italian sausage drug deal, Hansen's soda drug deal And here's that Brian Eno quote Chris haphazardly paraphrased: "Whatever you now find weird, ugly, uncomfortable and nasty about a new medium will surely become its signature. CD distortion, the jitteriness of digital video, the crap sound of 8-bit—all of these will be cherished and emulated as soon as they can be avoided." Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Chipmunks songs played at 16rpm (Standouts: Walk Like an Egyptian, Heaven is a Place On Earth, Bettie Davis Eyes, Diamond Dolls, Jessie's Girl Nick's Endorsement: International Space Station Fly-Through 4K, An Inside Tour of the International Space Station 1080p Jake's Endorsement: 9.25" Purple Floral Terra Cotta Flower Pot Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes

A podcast of deeply important questions, asked by you, answered by us as truthfully as we can. This week: What is Jeff Goldblum doing in hundreds of the world's bathrooms? If an artificial intelligence is forced to speak English, are its civil rights being compromised? Could the government turn your mother into a ringtone? If this episode is found by an Amazon resale bot, we grant you permission to reprint a transcript of its contents on a smartphone case or shower curtain. Discussed: being implicitly hoisted by a fellow old person, ringtones, global government regulation of ringtones, Nick Breckon's mother as a ringtone, Google DeepMind AI learning to walk hilariously, new robot-created negotiation language, new Nick Breckon-created worthless storytelling language, baffling robot-created stock image phone cases, cheese wheel on bady, slightly creepy matched father/daughter love jewelry, slightly baffling matched father/father love jewelry, Jeff Goldblum shower curtain, Dr. Sbaitso digital voice assitant, Windows 95 Dragonforce MIDI smart home, "Siri, play Zombocom on every surface" Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Travel-related online services Google Flights, TripCase, and Citymapper Nick's Endorsement: Setting up remote computer control apps like Chrome Remote Desktop or TeamViewer to help your parents with computers Jake's Endorsement: Graphing the distribution of English letters towards the beginning, middle or end of words Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes, those little floss picks, those things are great Shoutout To: Jake (not Rodkin), from Ethan—get your own!

As you bolt upright in bed, head still swimming, are you awake or do are you still in the realm of dreams? And while you're pondering that, consider these conundrums: Which television program is a bigger ratings success: News Tonight or Nooz Tonite? Is she Lump? If so, is she too still in your head? What is the Matrix? Unfortunately, you cannot be told what the Matrix is. You must listen to this podcast about it. Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: Air Bud for a moment, The Matrix, The Matrix: Where Do the Pills Come From?, E-Ink image-displaying dress, multi-dimensional constant meme cycler, intentionally misspelled Nielsen-defrauding TV show names, segue, seg, chaos, "Lump" by the Presidents of the United States of America, mild pointless revenge, becoming the worldwide average, paranoia, neuroses, conspiracies, 99% Invisible podcast episode "On Average," that weird sound we all make nowadays, 4x optical zoom, Schneider lens, photo printer, SD card, look at that horse Chris' Endorsement: Dry goods canisters for your kitchen pantry Jake's Endorsement: 17776: What football will look like in the future by Jon Bois Nick's Endorsement: SpyMeSat satellite photography/surveillance app (iOS, Android) Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes, Casper mattresses and bedding

There are more questions, problems, and conundrums out there than can possibly be addressed in a lifetime, but we're doing our part, starting with these: Why did someone hide a room full of monkeys out in the desert, and what are the monkeys inside the room hiding from us? Would you impress your friends with a third thumb, or just sit at home wishing for a fourth one? Is that bee really lashing out because it smells your fear, or is it just put off you didn't consider its feelings? Join us as we chip away at the truth, until we hit pay dirt, or rock bottom, whichever comes first. Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: weird Arizona monkey farm, armed clown monkeys coming to steal your guns, extra prosthetic thumb, extra prosthetic thumb guitar lord, Star Wars brain-powered force trainer toy, AI-monitored money game show, our social contract with bees, Bee Movie, sinking into a chair, Jumanji, Jumanji-ing yourself into a board game, Jumanji-ing yourself into a painting, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle Chris' Endorsement: The Big Sick Jake's Endorsement: Supermute for Twitter Nick's Endorsement: Maangchi Korean cooking YouTube series Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes, Warby Parker prescription eyeglasses and sunglasses

If you had the ultimate power of suggestion over your friends, but only when mumbling while pretending to sleep, how would you use it? Will a coterie of highly specialized Christmas spirits put Santa out of a job? Why die alone on Mars when you can watch someone else do it from your living room couch? Answers to these questions and the rest of life's mysteries, coming to your theater this summer. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: Highly-specialized Krampuses, Yule Cat, Salad Fingers, Krampus, the Yuliverse (Yuleniverse?), moving to Mars, getting Truman Show'd on Mars, years-long sleeptalking deception, food genie apocalypse Jake's Endorsement: OBi200 1-Port VoIP Phone Adapter to turn a Google Voice account into a real landline Chris' Endorsement: Field Notes Reporter's Notebooks Nick's Endorsement: Bon Appetit's cooking series It's Alive with Brad Sponsored By: Hover domain name registration, Quip electric toothbrushes

The most deeply important questions on your minds, advised and distilled by us. This week: Why are genies skeptical of your perfect wish to save mankind from itself? Does a robot that eats and poops have a favorite food? Does it feel shame? Is it you? And is there anything more nostalgic than getting the chicken pox from some kid's homemade slime? Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: Ecobot III (official site, approving researchers), nostalgia nostalgia, homemade slime, elementary school fads, constructing a genie-proof wish, accidental end of civilization Chris' Endorsement: Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective board game (More info at BoardGameGeek, buy at Amazon) Nick's Endorsement: Lookwell TV pilot Jake's Endorsement: Philo and Pem Farnsworth's favorite tunes playlist (Spotify, Apple Music) Sponsored By: Hover domain name registration, Quip electric toothbrushes

This week things really hit the fan. If you're finding yourself clogged up with steaming, burning questions, if you're knee deep in problems and need advice, relax: We're here in a pinch to flush out the truth. This week: What are the Russians hiding in Britney Spears' Instagram feed? What are the real motives of a man who offers free liverwurst to children? And what am I going to do with all this garlic? Plus: How many times can we be hoisted by stories about poo? Find out inside. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: The triple hoisting, Bristol stool scale, apartment hunting, Britney Spears Instagram comment hacking, garlic surplus, the kindly old neighborhood liverwurst man, Christmas and/or Hoistmas traditions that are definitely real, CRISPR clarifications (browse this Idle Forums thread for lots of fascinating discussion from smart people!), crisper clarifications, sleeptalking, shadow sleep selves, breaking bad habits, the Bristol Goblin Chris' Endorsement: Jurassic Park (Amazon, iTunes) Jake's Endorsement: Fartbarf (official site; "Dirty Power" album: Amazon, iTunes) Nick's Endorsement: Earplugs Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes, Freshbooks accounting software

What stuff, exactly, are dreams made of? Can a robot priest interpret them and, if necessary, absolve you? And, if you didn't believe our embarrassing story about poop, maybe you'll believe this other guy's? All of your questions, your problems, your fears will be individually discussed and assessed by us personally (or handed off to an automated Gmail feature we just learned about). Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: A Landis update, the meaning of dreams, a new truer poo story, Dishonored Hoistmas, Google psychotherapy, ELIZA, Dr. Sbaitso, Reformation-celebrating robot priest Chris' Endorsement: Lost in La Mancha, the making of Terry Gilliam's "The Man Who Killed Don Quixote" Jake's Endorsement: Art of the Title Nick's Endorsement: Stand-up comic Tig Notaro (meeting Taylor Dayne, Conan guest appearance, "Boyish Girl Interrupted" HBO special: Amazon, iTunes) Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes

We cannot sanction your buffoonery. But we can, and will, personally hand-deliver your questions to Lord Hoistmas. Questions like: What is the true secret of the real 90s? How do you cleverly cover up an regrettable tattoo? And would you eat the best pizza you've ever had in your life if it came with bees? Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: The Real Ghostbusters, good web addresses, Amazon bookstores, Boss Coffee, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, trash can robots, Sony Bravia ad, Google Home/Blade Runner 2049 mashup, techno-seniors, tattoos, a history of the Peeing Calvin, crisper, CRISPR, Lord Hoistmas, pizza, bees Chris' Endorsement: Shoe care products: saddle soap for cleaning, Saphir Renovateur for treating and polishing (usage tips) Nick's Endorsement: Garth Marenghi's Darkplace (Amazon, YouTube) Jake's Endorsement: Learning about the interoperability of the multimedia devices in your home Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes, Casper mattresses

Your questions, advised definitively. This week: Would you forego the need to eat if it meant you couldn't reproduce? Can a person like sneezing too much? Like, WAY too much? Is the Law & Order theme song actually a dog? And finally, were we—technically—not totally hoisted by a story in last week’s show? Let's take a closer look. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: being a lame adult, Chris' dumb Snopes hoax, terrible tattoos, an excellent tattoo, how to podcast, self-revelation, Second Life bunny genocide, dogs howling at Law & Order, photic sneezing, snatiation, sexually induced sneezing Nick's Endorsement: The "Shreds" music video series by StSanders Chris' Endorsement: A Dark Room for iOS Jake's Endorsement: Kamenstein Perfect Tear Paper Towel Holder Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes, our Twin Peaks Rewatch podcast

The world is full of minutiae so inconsequential and baffling that sorting through it all isn’t worth your time. Good thing we’re here to sort through it for you! This week: How does a factory farmed chicken cross the road? Do the ‘90s have the emotional capacity to love you back? And who will Luigi doorbell ditch next? These questions and more can be safely checked off your list after listening. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: Being left alone in someone else’s house, Second Livestock, mobile phone app reviewing warehouse, scientists imaging your dreams, Batman Forever 60FPS HD footage (more), recurring inexplicable horrible imagery, the 1990s Nick's Endorsement: "When We Held Kings" by Eric Raskin Chris' Endorsement: Learning about the Jewish concept of the eruv Jake's Endorsement: 1. "Snatch" movie trailer, 2. "House" opening titles

If you come across a stranger on a dark, empty road in the middle of the night, and they tell you they can answer any question you ask, we hope you pick one of these: Does somewhere exist because you've dreamed about it over and over? Why does Lightning McQueen always keep his doors locked? Has anyone ever made a recipe from the back of a Triscuit box, and if so was their name Tristan? If you never encounter that stranger, but still want those answers, listen to this podcast instead. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed Triscuit cracker recipes, implicit egotism and major life decisions, being chased by maniacs while lost, the interior life of Cars, medically-induced nightmares Jake's Endorsement: Twin Peaks Rewatch Podcast, Twin Peaks TV series (Amazon, iTunes, Netflix) Chris' Endorsement: Photic sneezing Nick's Endorsement: Poo-Pourri poo spray

One day you open the photos app on your cell phone and find it's identified and categorized all of your best friends. Why look, there's a whole album of Chris playing Jurassicanji. Do you even know anyone named Chris? And there's your buddy Herbert. You don't recognize him, but your phone does, so you go with it. It even correctly sorted all of your anthropomorphic candy friends -- including the skinless ones. But why does it think the genie from Aladdin is also this disheveled man covered in dirt? And it has the new Jaws, but why doesn't it have the old Jaws? How is it saying this chicken is a dinosaur? And why is it confusing your dad with a werewolf? We're out of ideas, but we'll be happy to pass you on to a support manager. Please enjoy this podcast while you hold. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: A lauded short story by Nick Breckon, iOS photos app, unwanted facial recognition, the largest M&Ms Store in the world, Universal Studios Florida, Disney MGM Studios, Jaws Chris' Endorsement: Review (Amazon, iTunes) Nick's Endorsement: Actually get a flu shot. Jake's Endorsement: Cybernetic memory enhancement

Learning something new can feel like someone flipped on a light switch in your mind. If that person in your mind could flip the switch off and on whenever they wanted, controlling which things you remember and which you forget, we hope you’d hold onto these thoughts: Why is the Genie from Aladdin afraid of commitment? Did a fourth grader create the world of Banjo-Kazooie, and what grade did he get for it? And, did I just get here, or is that guy with the light switch controlling my brain again? We’ll get to the bottom of it, assuming we can remember to. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Dicsussed: The return of NyQuil dreams, appearing on the local news, Disney’s Aladdin, co-dependent relationships, artificial memory augmentation in rats, Alien: Covenant, The Dempster Family (of products, and people), Banjo-Kazooie lore, stealing Banjo-Kazooie lore to cheat on Creative Writing homework Endorsements from three old people: Nick: Equator Coffee Chris: Travel packing cubes Jake: The British version of the Great British Bake-Off

You've been given the chance to re-live your life from the start, with everything you know now. A chance to right wrongs, a chance to show them all? Maybe, if you're lucky. A chance—with our help—to really figure out the mysteries of the world that you missed the first time through? Things like: What do roosters have against Swedish labor unions? How did Sinbad hide himself in plain sight, in every child's copy of the movie Kazaam? What was that guy yelling about outside your apartment that one time? What is a "tooth worm?" Definitely. In fact, we just did. Your life wasted, you pursue one final question: Can you re-live your life from the start, knowing absolutely none of this? Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: ugh... "memes", Swedish labor union screaming rooster, Nick Breckon overhearing a disaster, psychic billionaire baby, John Titor, Early Edition, beautiful medieval teeth, tooth worm, Kazaam/Shazam, First Kid trailer on the Kazaam VHS Nick's Endorsement: Boston Cooler (Vernor's Ginger Ale over vanilla ice cream) Chris' Endorsement: Buckwheat tea, aka soba tea Jake's Endorsement: Late Night Work Club animated short films

No one asked us to answer these questions. No one asked these questions at all, but as hosts of this podcast we must do our best: If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and it doesn't leave a will, who gets all its stuff? What's hidden in Chef Boyardee's past that someone really, really wants you to know? And when you meet a robot in the mall who could see through time, space, and maybe reality itself, what do you ask it? We'll need your help with that last one, but leave the rest to us. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: knife-wielding stabbing machine, The Tree That Owns Itself, Pepper the robot, Wetzel's Pretzels, Chef Boyardee, dumpsters Jake's Endorsement: Better Call Saul (all seasons on Amazon & iTunes) Chris' Endorsement: Sliding down the stairs on your heels as a kid (or something) Nick's Endorsement: Walking an unfamiliar city alone

The truth often hides just beneath the surface. Especially when that surface is a Furby’s skin, which is also a ghost. So what happens when our children decide they love their robot friends more than us? Before that can happen, how many pounds of spiders would it take to devour us all? Where is the body of Cervantes, and what's it doing? Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: Cuties, a girl and her water heater, robot propaganda, Cervantes, "Alone Together" by Sherry Turkle, two thousand pounds of spiders, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Bob Hoskins on a blue screen, MIDI piano cacophony Nick's Endorsement: Ice cream sundae with vanilla ice cream, Spanish peanuts, and Sanders Hot Fudge Chris' Endorsement: The cold shower capper Jake's Endorsement: Something True, true tales from the footnotes of history