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71 episodes with perfectionist's guide
2 episodes with perfectionist's guide
2 episodes with perfectionist's guide
2 episodes with perfectionist's guide
2 episodes with perfectionist's guide
Is a perfectionist mindset getting in the way of your fat loss and health goals? If so, you'll want to listen to this episode! - 1-ON-1 COACHING Apply For Coaching SOCIAL Instagram YouTube TikTok Facebook
Yep, you read the title correctly. Lindsey shares the trials, tribulations, and trauma that have accompanied her wedding planning. Today, the girls dive into:A Perfectionist's Guide to Wedding PlanningControl the Controllable Stories of Being Unimportant Why is Asking for Help SO HardFear is NormalContributing to Your Own Suffering or SuccessSeeing Your Shadow in Someone ElseIf today's show was helpful or resonated with you, we'd love a 5-star rating and review! Xo!Lindsey is taking new clients! Inquire here.Want to work with Amy? Find her here!MUD/WTR discount! Get is while it's hot!Hydrate like a pro! Free Sample Pack when you order LMNT here!
Welcome to Episode 92 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Today I'm replaying an episode from last year with my friend Sarah Martin. Just a reminder that my application for interns is still open! Head to andreafortenberry.com/intern Sarah Martin is a wife, mom, author, and a Certified FASTer Way Health & Wellness Coach. She is passionate about gathering purpose-driven women and coaching you in health and wellness to love God heart, soul, mind, and strength to be fit for the call He has on your life. Some of the resources we mention in this episode include: The YouVersion Bible App The Last Dance ESPN Documentary Reduce Insulated Tumbler* Sarah's book, Higher Pursuits: Positioning Yourself for Everyday Revival* You can connect with Sarah via: Instagram: @sarahmartinvibrantlife Her website Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website Subscribe to my free monthly magazine, Restore. New issues come out the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Discover how the perfectionist sunk cost fallacy could be holding you back and learn how to break free from its grip. From wearing clothes you hate, to staying in relationships or careers way past their expiration date, Sunk Cost fallacy is a lethal landmine for perfectionistic people. Find out if you're making decisions aligned with your values or loss aversion, sunk cost definition for perfectionists, tricks sunk cost effect plays on you, why its challenging to see your own sunk costs, IRL sunk cost fallacy examples and how perfectionists can stop falling prey to sunk cost suck-i-ness forever.Tired of waiting for “things to calm down” so you can FEEL better? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, the ability to fall asleep without obsessing over your to do list or PRESENCE with your family (no more catastrophizing) When you join Perfectionism Leveraged you get customized 1-1 coaching + the SKILLS you've never been taught that FREE you from sunk cost fallacy + lethal perfectionism landmines. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/servicesPositive Perfectionist Practices for Removing Sunk Cost Fallacy:Identify Sunk Cost Fallacy: Recognize where you're holding onto investments, relationships, or decisions you would not re-choose for yourself today BC you've “already spent so much time, energy, money or effort”If You Want Your Future, Forget Your Past: Stop living in the prison of your past choices and exit to the playground of possibility. Dropping the black and white thinking that persevering = productiveMake intentional decisions that empower you for the rest of your life: Check your choices with your values and pivot away from unfulfilling situations or relationships.Practice Makes Permanent: To progress 100x faster, make the journey funner and strengthen your interoceptive awareness consider working with a perfectionism coachHighlights inside Episode 198 of Perfectionism Rewired:00:00-Perfectionists + Sunk Costs01:51-What is sunk cost fallacy03:26-Shedding the Weight of Sunk Costs04:56-Being Resourceful instead of limiting your resources05:36-Sunk Cost Effect in Unfulfilling Careers + Unhappy Relationships07:12-Why FEELS Smart To Continue Pouring Money, time, effort when you've already sunk09:18-Putting yourself in the victim drama triangle11:10-Sunk Cost With Example Baby Gucci Loafers12:03-Quick Correct Choices with Embodied Presence Interoceptive Connection13:32-when to persevere and when to pivot14:36-Prioritizing your values over sunk costs15:50-No longer a victim to chronic overachieving18:17-Proud of yourself regardless of how much you accomplishRich Resources Mentioned In This Sunk Cost Episode:How I Lost 50 pounds by Being The Worst (Leveraging Perfectionism video)Perfectionist's Guide to Uncovering Victim Mentality (Part 1)Mamba Mentality vs Victim Mentality (Part 2)Are You Living In The Victim Triangle? (Perfectionism Rewired ep. 181)Starter Perfectionism Rewiring 1-1 Coaching Pack (steal of a deal)HIGHLY CREDIBLE SOURCES ON SUNK COST REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE: Dijkstra, K. A., & Hong, Y. Y. (2019). The feeling of throwing good money after bad: The role of affective reaction in the sunk-cost fallacy. PloS one, 14(1), e0209900. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0209900Jarmolowicz, D. P., Bickel, W. K., Sofis, M. J., Hatz, L. E., & Mueller, E. T. (2016). Sunk costs, psychological symptomology, and help seeking. SpringerPlus, 5(1), 1699. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40064-016-3402-zSchmitzer-Torbert N. (2020). Mindfulness and decision making: sunk costs or escalation of commitment?. Cognitive processing, 21(3), 391–402. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10339-020-00978-4Schulreich, S., Dandolo, L. C., & Schwabe, L. (2022). Sunk costs under stress: Acute stress reduces the impact of past expenses on risky decisions. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 137, 105632. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2021.105632Tait, V., & Miller, H. L., Jr (2019). Loss Aversion as a Potential Factor in the Sunk-Cost Fallacy. International journal of psychological research, 12(2), 8–16. https://doi.org/10.21500/20112084.3951Zeng, J., Zhang, Q., Chen, C., Yu, R., & Gong, Q. (2013). An fMRI study on sunk cost effect. Brain research, 1519, 63–70. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brainres.2013.05.001 Perfectionism Rewired Ethics + Transparency:Perfectionism Rewired podcast is brought to you by Perfectionist Solutions and is committed to neuroscience truth and accuracy through a perfectionism affirming lens.What does Perfectionist Affirming mean? Perfectionism affirming is an empowered view where perfectionistic tendencies are not seen as deficits to be “fixed” and nobody is a victim of perfectionism. Instead you are fully in charge of YOU, given tools for agency and perfectionism is leveraged to work for you. Part of neuorinclusivity movement that sees all humans as uniquely wired individuals who all experience the world differently.
It's one of my favorite conversations of the year! I love books. I love lists. I love the end of the year. So naturally I LOVE the annual Best Books of the Year conversation with my real life book club friends Yasmin Dunn and Stephanie Newman-Smith. We're back together for our SIXTH annual Best Books of the Year conversation. This one felt a little different from year's past because in 2023 we chose to do a mid-year episode called Best Books of the Year (So Far). In Episode 179 from back in June, we talked about many of the big, buzzy books that released in the first half of the year, which let us share other favorites in this year-end conversation. LISTEN TO US DISCUSS THE BOOKS WE DIDN'T LIKE IN 2023 ON PATREON I hope you enjoy this monster episode! Follow @yasminheartsbooks on IG Follow @stephanie_hypen on IG FULL SHOW NOTES ARE HERE SPONSORS: Lume // Go to LumeDeodorant.com and use code YOU for 40% off your starter pack BetterHelp // Go to BetterHelp.com/YOU for 10% off your first month JOIN THE SECRET STUFF BOOK CLUB HERE Laura's Best Books of the Year: Shark Heart by Emily Habeck We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman Spare by Prince Harry The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler Search by Michelle Huneven Happiness Falls by Angie Kim How To Stay Married: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told by Harrison Scott Key Hey Hun: Sales, Sisterhood, Supremacy, and Other Lies Behind Multi-Level Marketing by Emily Lynn Paulson How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix Yasmin's Best Books of the Year: You Could Make This Place Beautiful by Maggie Smith Holly by Stephen King The Center by Ayesha Manazir Siddiqi Hot Springs Drive by Lindsay Hunter Stephanie's Best Books of the Year: Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano (mutual best pick) The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store by James McBride Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett The Humans by Matt Haig Also Mentioned: Smartest Person in the Room series with Yasmin Little Women by Louisa May Alcott Dear Edward by Ann Napolitano Friends, Lovers and the Big, Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry The Color of Water by James McBride Deacon King Kong by James McBride Friday Black by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah Mr. Mercedes by Stephen King Misery by Stephen King It by Stephen King 11.22.63 by Stephen King Thursday Murder Club Series by Richard Osman American Gods by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro The Best Minds by Jonathan Rosen SUBSCRIBE to 10 Things To Tell You so you never miss an episode! CLICK HERE for episode show notes FOLLOW @10ThingsToTellYou on Instagram FOLLOW @10ThingsToTellYou on Facebook JOIN the 10 Things To Tell You Connection Group SIGN UP for episode emails, links, and show notes JOIN the Secret Stuff Patreon BUY THE BOOK: Share Your Stuff. I'll Go First. by Laura Tremaine BUY THE BOOK: The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs by Laura Tremaine
Welcome to Episode 90 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! I'm continuing the conversation all about the holidays with my friend, Jennifer Iverson. Find her at jenniferiverson.com and on Instagram @ivymamma. In this episode we dive into the practical: activities and traditions, gift giving, budgeting and saving money, food, and some of our favorite holiday hacks. Don't forget that my application for interns is open now through December 31st! You can find all the details and the application at andreafortenberry.com/intern. Some of the resources Jennifer and I mention in this episode include: Advent cards: I've searched and can't find the pin or the file on my computer. :( I'll keep looking and will update when I find it. Board Games: Qwirkle, Azul, Pass the Pigs, Throw Throw Burrito, Killer Bunnies* Kiwi Co. Subscriptions* Soundtracks by Jon Acuff* Your New Playlist: The Student's Guide to Tapping into the Power of Mindset by John Acuff with L.E. Acuff and McRae Acuff* Domino Masters Show *Affiliate Links --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Welcome to Episode 89 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! We are officially in the Christmas season and it's such an exciting time of the year! To help you for your holidays, I'm replaying two of my most popular episodes, Part 1 and 2 of The Perfectionist's Guide to the Holidays that I recorded with my friend, Jennifer Iverson. Find her at jenniferiverson.com and on Instagram @ivymamma. In this episode, I also mention that I'm accepting applications for interns for 2024! You can find all the details at andreafortenberry.com/intern. The deadline is December 31st. Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website Subscribe to my monthly magazine, Restore. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
“Can you assume that nothing is wrong with you?” Self-defined perfectionist, psychotherapist, writer, and former on-site therapist at Google, Katherine Morgan Schafler wants you to know that it's ok to be a perfectionist. In her book "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, A Path to Peace and Power,” Katherine challenges the stigma surrounding perfectionism in our culture by defining both its healthy and unhealthy manifestations, exposes its harmful gender biases towards women, and advocates for redefining the call for “balance.”In conversation with host (and fellow perfectionist!) Erin, Katherine offers insights into perfectionism's impact on relationships, work, and personal growth. Unveiling insights into navigating ambition, embracing fluidity, and prioritizing values aligned with current life seasons, they explore:Defining perfectionism and why it's not a flaw, but a facet of your unique brillianceThe dynamic relationship between perfectionism and mental healthHow perfectionism became a gendered term for women and a hindrance to embracing ambition and powerRedefining ‘balance' —it's about internal well-being, not checking off tasks How to prioritize values that align most with the current season of your lifeManaging your energy vs. managing your time (read the Harvard Business Review article Katherine mentions HERE) Distinguishing between meaningful pursuits and the allure of immediate gratificationOUR GUEST: Katherine Morgan Schafler, LMHC, is a psychotherapist, writer and speaker based in New York City. Formerly an on-site therapist at Google, she earned her degrees and training at UC Berkeley and Columbia University, with post-graduate certification from the Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy.Want more Katherine? Find her online at https://www.katherinemorganschafler.com/ and follow her on Instagram @katherinemorganschaflerWant more Hotter Than Ever? Find us and episode transcripts online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com and sign up for our mailing list! Follow us on:Instagram: @hotterthaneverpod TikTok: @hotterthaneverpod Youtube: @hotterthaneverpod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453 Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode! We'd love to hear what you think about the show - tell us what stories are resonating with you. DM us on Instagram and write us a review on Apple Podcasts!
There are five different varieties of perfectionist, as illustrated in a wonderful book I've been reading: The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler. Tune in this week to discover which one of the five perfectionist categories you fall into, and what you can do to start moving through the world without the anxiety of perfectionism getting in your way. Get full show notes and more information here: https://jackiedecrinis.com/84
Welcome to Episode 88 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Today I'm sharing my conversation with Jodi Kinasewitz. Jodi is a previous guest of the podcast, you can check our conversation on Navigating Mental Health Issues in Episode 31. She is the author of Soulful Surrender: Learning to Do Less So God Can Do More*, which we chat about in this episode. We also talk about how to stop striving and hustling through our days, and how to to slow down to enjoy the holidays. Some of the resources we mention include: Called Creatives Thrivers by Michele Borba, Ed.D.* "All the Light We Cannot See" on Netflix You can connect with Jodi on: Instagram @jkinasewitz Her website Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website Subscribe to my monthly magazine, Restore. Issues will hit your inbox the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
There's one thing that every perfectionist entrepreneur must learn if they want to succeed in business: how to create a growth mindset. This is the secret to being able to get out of your own way and take consistent action to your goals without burning out. And in this episode I'm doing a deep dive into what the growth mindset is, common misconceptions about the growth mindset as well as the practical steps to create a growth mindset. This is the episode on perfectionism and the growth mindset that I wish existed when I was struggling to build my business to six figures and wondering why I felt so scared to put myself out there. If you are finding that overthinking, procrastination, burnout and fear of judgement are making it hard to build your business - this episode is for you. Tune in today. Find the full episode transcript and show notes at samlaurabrown.com/episode429. In This Episode You'll Learn: Why I thought I had a growth mindset when I didn't Why creating a growth mindset is the secret to becoming a productive perfectionist What to expect when it comes to getting into a growth mindset The principles of getting into a growth mindset The exact process I developed to make it easy to get into a growth mindset My favourite tools for getting into a growth mindset 5 signs you're in a growth mindset Featured In The Episode: Join the waitlist for Perfectionists Getting Shit Done (PGSD) - samlaurabrown.com/pgsd Take The Perfectionism Quiz: samlaurabrown.com/quiz Sign up for daily Perfectionist Power-Ups - samlaurabrown.com/power Follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject Tom Bilyeu's interview with Carol Dweck Mindset by Carol Dweck Ep 426: The Power of Keeping Your Launch Painfully Simple (Part 1: Pre-Launch Period) Ep 427: The Power of Keeping Your Launch Painfully Simple (Part 2: Launch Debrief) Work With Me: My program Perfectionists Getting Shit Done (aka PGSD) teaches you my proven process for becoming a productive perfectionist. It's a 12-month program so you have all of the tools, coaching and support you need to show up consistently and achieve your 12 month business goal. Enrollment for our January 2024 cohort is happening from 8-12 December. To find out more about the program and be the first to know when the doors open, join the waitlist today: samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.
Tawny and Lisa went on reading sprees over the summer (nothing new – Tawny has already read 42 books this year!). They talk about some of their recent favorites, including RIPE, YELLOWFACE, OLD ENOUGH, and THE LAST CHAIRLIFT. They're all new books from both emerging authors and an old favorite (John Irving) and all have compelling, unique messages. Music Minute features two of Tawny's recent favorite audiobooks, How To Be Perfect and and The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control. This episode is sponsored by the sober entrepreneurs at Sour Humanoid vinegar. Add a splash of these artisanal vinegars to your dinner to brighten up the flavor of your protein and veggies. Order a bottle today at sourhumanoid.com and follow them at @sourhumanoid Order Tawny's book, DRY HUMPING: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze Sign up for "Beyond Liquid Courage" Purchase Lisa's memoir, Girl Walks Out of a Bar
Welcome to Episode 87 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Today I'm sharing my conversation with Laura Haver, author of Play Together: Games & Activities for the Whole Family to Boost Creativity, Connection & Mindfulness.* Laura Haver is obsessed with uncovering the secrets of how to live an unstoppable and joyful life. She is a mom, life coach, author, speaker and athlete. She has helped hundreds of individuals to experience more play, adventure, growth and inspiration in their lives and businesses. She has been featured on the Today Show, CBS, Fox, Parents and more. Laura holds a master's degree in International Communication and has been coaching for over 25 years in leadership, life design and tennis. Some of the resources we mention in this episode include: Play Together: Games & Activities for the Whole Family to Boost Creativity, Connection & Mindfulness.* Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World by Dr. Devorah Heitner* The Calm App You can connect with Laura via: Her website: laurahaver.com Instagram: @lauramhaver Author Mom Community Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: My website: andreafortenberry Instagram: @andreafortenberry Subscribe to my monthlyish magazine,Restore here. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Brought to you by Sidebar—Catalyze your career with a Personal Board of Directors | Maui Nui Venison—The healthiest red meat on the planet delivered directly to your door | Eppo—Run reliable, impactful experiments—Jason Feifer is the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine and a former editor at Fast Company. He's also a podcast host, book author, keynote speaker, and startup advisor. Every week, he shares tips in his newsletter, One Thing Better, to help people become happier and more effective at work. In today's episode, Jason draws upon his wealth of experience in media to share tactical insights on how to get press coverage. We discuss:• High-level steps to securing press coverage for your product• Why it's critical to understand the mission of the publication• Why freelance writers are more likely to write about you• When it's worth investing in PR• When and how to hire a great PR agency• Insider tips for writing the perfect pitch• Why you should optimize for “Opportunity Set B”—Find the full transcript at: https://www.lennyspodcast.com/how-to-get-press-for-your-product-jason-feifer-editor-in-chief-of-entrepreneur-magazine/—Where to find Jason Feifer:• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jasonfeifer/• Newsletter: jasonfeifer.com/newsletter• Help Wanted podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/LsYdERXQ—Where to find Lenny:• Newsletter: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com• X: https://twitter.com/lennysan• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lennyrachitsky/—In this episode, we cover:(00:00) Jason's background(04:09) Jason's inbox volume(07:41) The impact of press coverage on startups(08:47) Navigating the timing and outlets for press exposure(10:37) When not to pursue press coverage(12:38) Jason's three-step press strategy(14:01) Unpacking the media's mission(15:48) Identifying a publication's mission(22:56) Step one: How to prepare for outreach(26:11) How press can help you(28:25) When to work with a PR agency(32:16) PR insights and red flags(36:02) Selecting the right publication for startups(42:34) Step two: Identifying the ideal pitch recipient(47:27) Pitching best practices(52:26) Step three: Creating excitement around writing about you(59:10) Success story: Meg O'Hara's pitch(1:05:14) Playing the long game of engagement(1:08:57) The quantity of outreach(1:11:11) How to structure multiple pitches(1:14:01) How to engage with the press(1:16:37) Anticipating the story's direction(1:18:26) “Sometimes you're not the story, but you can be part of it”(1:24:12) How Barbara Corcoran became relevant(1:27:10) Jason's parting advice: “Be human”(1:28:59) Lightning round—PR resources:• Jon Bier, Jack Taylor PR: https://www.jacktaylorpr.com/• Hanna Lee, Hanna Lee Communications: https://www.hannaleecommunications.com/• Jen Squilla, Max Borges Agency: http://maxborgesagency.com/• Gregg Delman, G Three Media: https://www.gthreemedia.com/• Steph Jones, Jonesworks: https://jonesworks.com/• Jon Hammond, Hammond Strategies: https://hammondstrategies.com/• Mark Fortier, Fortier PR: https://fortierpr.com/• Noelle Guerin, Cru of Two: https://www.cruoftwo.com/—Referenced:• Entrepreneur: https://www.entrepreneur.com/magazine• Fast Company: https://www.fastcompany.com/• Men's Health: https://www.menshealth.com/• This Founder Created a Genius Way to Do Market Testing on the Cheap: https://www.entrepreneur.com/leadership/this-founder-created-a-genius-way-to-do-market-testing-on/289144• TechCrunch: https://techcrunch.com/• Inc.: https://www.inc.com/• Money News Network: https://moneynewsnetwork.com/• Help Wanted podcast: https://moneynewsnetwork.com/podcast/help-wanted/• Nicole Lapin on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicolelapin/• Jennifer Miller on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-miller-3b43abb/• Meg O'Hara on Problem Solvers podcast: https://audioboom.com/posts/7703348-build-relationships-that-can-reinvent-a-business• Ripple Rug cat toy: https://www.ripplerug.com/• Cat Fight! How These Inventors Beat the Counterfeiters That Nearly Destroyed Their Company: https://www.entrepreneur.com/growing-a-business/patents-and-copyright-lawyers-what-to-do-if-someone-steals/315142• Barbara Corcoran's website: https://www.barbaracorcoran.com/• Zapier: https://zapier.com/• The Cold Start Problem: How to Start and Scale Network Effects: https://www.amazon.com/Cold-Start-Problem-Andrew-Chen/dp/0062969749• The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power: https://www.amazon.com/Perfectionists-Guide-Losing-Control-Peace/dp/059332952X/• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem on Paramount+: https://www.paramountmovies.com/movies/teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-mutant-mayhem• Better Call Saul on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/80021955• Breaking Bad on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/70143836• Bigvu: https://bigvu.tv/• Michelle Pfeiffer on the Never-Ending Launch of Running a Business: ‘I Kept Waiting for It to End, and I Finally Realized—Well, It's Never Going To!': https://www.entrepreneur.com/starting-a-business/michelle-pfeiffer-on-the-never-ending-launch-of-running-a/398064—Production and marketing by https://penname.co/. For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast, email podcast@lennyrachitsky.com.—Lenny may be an investor in the companies discussed. Get full access to Lenny's Newsletter at www.lennysnewsletter.com/subscribe
Welcome to Episode 86 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Today I want to talk to you about something I've been hearing about lately: limiting beliefs. In this episode we talk about: What are limiting beliefs? What are your limiting beliefs? How changing your limiting beliefs can change your life Resources I mention in this episode include: The Global Leadership Summit Soundtracks by Jon Acuff* On Writing Well by William Zinsser* "1,000 Names" by Phil Wickham The Microdelivery Vitamin C Resurfacing Peek Kit by Philosophy* The MomCo by MOPS International Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram: @andreafortenberry Facebook: @andreabfortenberry My website: andreafortenberry.com Subscribe to my monthlyish magazine, Restore. Yay for happy email! *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Have you been dreaming of being a stay-at-home mom your whole life? Can you see yourself baking cookies, playing with your kids, maybe even homeschooling? Have you ever considered motherhood a ministry? In this episode, Guest Andrea Fortenberry of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering Podcast shares the joys, challenges, and surprises of living out the ministry of motherhood. She also has a sweet word of encouragement to single ladies who are always the bridesmaid and never the bride.Connect with Andrea Fortenberry:Website: andreafortenberry.comInstagram: andreafortenberryConnect with Me:Website : strengthdignitylife.comInstagram: strengthdignitylifeFacebook: Strength Dignity LifeThanks for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a 5-star review, and help me reach even more young women. And if this was helpful please share it on your social media and tag Strength Dignity Life!
Welcome to Episode 84 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Today I'm sharing my conversation with Molly DeFrank, author of Digital Detox: The Two Week Tech Reset for Kids.* Molly is a mom to six children, three boys and three girls, ages six to thirteen. She spends most of her time telling them to put on their shoes. She helps parents get back in the driver's seat to better navigate the stress of screen time in the home. We chat all about her book and I share my experience with our family's digital detox we implemented over the summer. You can connect with Molly via: Her website, where she has some amazing goodies that complement her book: mollydefrank.com Instagram: @mollydefrank Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram: @andreafortenberry My website: andreafortenberry.com Subscribe to my monthly magazine, Restore. Issues will hit your inbox the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
After last week's episode where we explored the 5 types of perfectionists described by Katherine Morgan Schafler in her book The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, I share the ways each of them punishes themselves and how to replace self-judgment with kindness so they can feel better about themselves daily and make more progress towards their goals.
Welcome to Episode 83 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! I am so excited to share this episode. I had the privilege of interviewing my high school biology teacher, Rick Cole. We talk about what moms can do (and stop doing) to help their kids' educational journey, how we can love and support teachers, and much more! He offers such great wisdom and insight. Some of the resources we mention in this episode include: · Hawaii by James A. Michener* · John Grisham Novels You can connect with Mr. Cole via email: rtcoleclan at msn.com Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram: @andreafortenberry My website: andreafortenberry.com Subscribe to my monthly magazine, Restore. Issues will hit your inbox the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Perfectionists are ambitious people who expect a lot out of life. This can be constructive as much as destructive. In this episode, I explore the 5 types of perfectionists described by Katherine Morgan Schafler in her book The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control to help you gain awareness of the specific ways you might be holding yourself back.
When I received an email about this new book, I knew I wanted to talk with its author. The book? The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control. The author? Katherine Morgan Schafler, a psychotherapist and former on-site therapist at Google. She's worked with many high-achieving women who are told they need to find "balance" - as if they're doing something wrong! Katherine tells us instead that what's important is to learn about the five different types of constructive perfectionism so that it can work for you! As she says, "You can dare to want more without feeling greedy or ungrateful!" She's an eloquent writer and speaker and it was wonderful having her on SelfWork as she helps these women exchange superficial control for real power. Hope you'll listen in and learn! Advertisers' Links: Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! Vital Links: The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power My TEDx talk that today has earned 100,000 views! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, The Selfwork Podcast. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you! Episode Transcript: Speaker 1: Dr. Margaret This is SelfWork. And I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford At Self-Work. We'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world and what to do about them. I'm Dr. Margaret, and Self-Work is a podcast dedicated to you, taking just a few minutes today for your own selfwork. Hello and welcome or welcome back to SelfWork. I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. I started this podcast now, almost seven years ago, to extend the walls of my practice to many of you who've already been in therapy and very interested in psychological and mental issues, emotional issues, to those of you who might have just been diagnosed with something and you're looking for answers. And also to a third group of you that might be a little skeptical about the whole mental health treatment thing. And even admitting to someone that you need help, that's a step in and of itself. So listening to a podcast, it's a real safe way to do that, right? Welcome to all of you. Y'all all know that I've written a book called Perfectly Hidden Depression, where we need to look at perfectionism as it serves as a camouflage for really a lot of inner struggle, despair, loneliness, and even sometimes suicidal thinking. So I was very interested to see a book that's come out talking more about the positive aspects of perfectionism, what I would term constructive perfectionism rather than destructive perfectionism. So there's a new book by Katherine Morgan Schafler called The Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control. And she says, you know, you don't have to stop being a perfectionist to be healthy. She says, for women who are sick of being given the generic advice that they just need to find balance, her new approach has arrived, and she's categorized these constructive perfectionists in five ways: classic, intense, Parisian, messy or procrastinator. Which one could you be? As you identify your unique perfectionist profile, you'll learn how to manage each form of perfectionism to work for you, not against you. Beyond managing, you'll learn how to embrace and even enjoy your perfectionism. Yes, enjoy. This book is elegantly written. I had to comment at the very beginning of the interview. I think it's one of the best books, at least self-help books that I've ever read, including my own. So Catherine's book is a love letter to the ambitious, high achieving full of life clients who have filled the author's private practice and who changed her life. Ultimately, her book will show you how to make the single greatest trade you'll ever make in your life, which is to exchange superficial control for real power, is what she says. So I was very interested to talk with Katherine, and we talked a few weeks ago, and that's our episode for today, Katherine Morgan Schafler. So this episode is sponsored once again by Better Help, because when you are ready to ask for help, maybe that will be the venue that you turn to because it is so easy, affordable for many, and very, very conducive to whatever lifestyle you are living. So let's hear from Better Help. BetterHelp Ad: I recently heard a fascinating reframe for the idea of asking for help. Maybe you view asking for help as something someone does who's falling apart or who isn't strong. So consider this. What if asking for help means that you won't let anything get in your way of solving an issue, finding out an answer or discovering a better direction? Asking for help is much more about your determination to recognize what needs your attention, or what is getting in your way of having the life you want better help. The number one online therapy provider makes reaching out about as easy as it can get. Within 48 hours, you'll have a professional licensed therapist with whom you can text, email, or talk with to guide you, and you're not having to comb through therapist websites or drive to appointments. It's convenient, inexpensive, and readily available. Now, you can find a therapist that fits your needs with better help. And if you use the code or link Better help.com/selfwork, you get 10% off your first month of sessions. So just do it. You'll be glad you did. That. Link again is better help.com/selfwork to get 10% off your first month of services. And now I want to introduce you to Catherine Morgan Schaeffler, the author of The Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control. Interview: Speaker 1: Dr. Margaret Catherine, I I, I was reading your book and, and I will tell you that I, I think you're one of the most eloquent writers that I've ever interviewed and I've interviewed a bunch. Speaker 2: Katherine Schafler Wow, thank you so much. Speaker 1: The way you use language, the way you approach ideas and the way you get them across is really, it makes the book not only very compelling, but it's it's just a pleasure to read. It's, it's a, it's the, it's very evocative and, and I just so enjoyed the way you think and the way you put things. So the process of the book was really good, I thought. 2: Thank you. That is so flattering. I will take that. Thank you so much. 1: Oh, good. So tell SelfWork listeners a little bit about you, who you are, how you get, you know, how you got to be an author, all that kind of thing. 2: Sure. So my name's Katherine Morgan Schafler. I live in New York City, and I'm a psychotherapist and, and I, I think I always secretly wanted to write, but it was never in the forefront of my mind because I really do love being a therapist and, and my private practice was the soul of my work and still is. But I just noticed so many patterns as, as I know you have, because I've read your book as well, which is also fantastic. It was hooked on that intro story, which is every therapist's worst nightmare of Natalie and everything. Anyway, I digress. So, you know, when it is your job to listen to the most intimate pieces of someone's life, unfiltered, uncut and totally honest, that there's something special and sacred about that. And you kind of have your pulse on the zeitgeist in the way that other professions don't necessarily allow. And for me, recognizing patterns across so many clinical settings, across so many de demographics, culturally, socioeconomically, and in all these kinds of ways, really compelled me to contain it somewhere. Mm-Hmm. , hence the book. Mm-Hmm. . So I wrote The Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control, A Path to Peace and Power, because that's, I noticed, universal. 1: That's my cue to show it. . Yeah. , yes. 2: So I, I really noticed universal plates around perfectionism that we are not talking about in commercial wellness. And not only are we not talking about them, we are talking about perfectionism. Like we fully understand it, like we know what it is, and you know, it's agreed upon in the research world that we're in the infancy of understanding this construct and that we don't even have a, an a formal clinical definition for so much of this stuff. And that really... 1: I noticed you call it an innate natural human tendency mm-hmm.Yeah. I thought that was interesting. 2: Yeah. You know, I think that it is natural and innate, and natural does not mean immediately healthy. Mm-Hmm. mm-hmm. , you know, like anger is also natural. That doesn't mean that anger is always healthy, but it also doesn't mean that it's not that there aren't wonderful expressions of that impulse within us. And that if we can just harness our natural innate human impulses instead of trying to eradicate them and get rid of them, which doesn't work, it will never work. I'm glad it will never work, because perfectionism is so powerful. Anger is such a powerful tool. All these things that we think are bad. Mm-Hmm. , they're not bad. They're powerful. 1: Yes. And they can be used in that way. You know, I, of course, I was thinking about my own writing and, and research and work when I was reading your book, and I really loved the juxtaposition of, of what your focus was and what my focus was. Which your focus is much more to a look at the, the beauty of perfectionism and celebrate it in many ways. And, and yet also look for when it's becoming something that, you know, like you said, all the five different types have their pros and their cons. Right. There are things that are great about them, and then there's things that are a little more vulnerable about them. Whereas my work is more talking about trauma and perfectionism and how that can, how perfectionism can at times, certainly not all the time be a camouflage of some kind, something that someone learns how to do in order to cope with the trauma that they have. So they mm-hmm. Anyway, enough about that. But I, I, I so enjoyed looking at this other side of it. And how did you come up with the five different categories? I mean, is that something just observation, clinical observation? 2: Yes. Well, first, let me say, I really resonate with what you just said, because my first job in this profession was working in residential treatment with kids in LA who had been severely abused and neglected so much so that they were no longer even in foster care because their family of origin had in some way not been fit to parent. And then they were abused and neglected in foster care, and then they became what was called wards of the state. Yes. And I saw so much perfectionism, maladaptive perfectionism of just shape shifting, of being around an adult and immediately trying to assess, "Okay, who do they want me to be?" Speaker 2: Who does this grownup want me to be? How do I, how do I best be whatever they need me to be right in this moment to stay safe. 1: Yeah. It's like a supervisor told me once, if you go into someone's home where you meet a family, always pay attention to the child that is quiet in the corner. . 2: Yeah. I put that in my book too. I had, I had similar advice from my supervisor who said, really specifically, pay attention to the children who are behaving perfectly. And I think that's a common adage in training and therapy, because, you know, kids have natural frenetic energy so often, and they're a little bit all over the place, and, and that's a good thing. But when they are trying to manage so much, they you know, fade themselves out. But to return to your original question, I came up with the five types because I was really trying to understand a phenomenon that I was noticing, which was, you know, I, I worked onsite at Google. I had a private practice on Wall Street. I worked in a rehab in Brooklyn in all these different, you've been , all these different settings. And I was able to take a client from my rehab and a client from my private practice on Wall Street and on, and see that they were both going to respond similarly to a certain situation. And those kinds of things started happening all the time. And I'm like, what is the tie that binds this true? Love it. And I thought for a moment, like, is it attachment theory? Is it this, is it what is happening? And how come I can predict with reasonable reliability, how people are going to respond to certain, you know, stimulus? And that's where the five types came from. I said, oh, it's perfectionism that is manifesting here, and it manifests in a patterned way. 1: So the, just to let the listeners know, the five types are: classic, procrastinator, messy, intense, and Parisian. And having lived in Paris for a little while I thought was, that one was very interesting. Oh, I think the French would love that they were some type of perfectness. 2: Well, you know, I I came up with that title because, you know, the, the beauty aesthetic for French women is so, so understated and simple in the sense that like, simplicity is the greatest form of sophistication. Like, it's very much signaling a a subtext of I'm not trying too hard. And the Parisian perfectionist really is embarrassed about other people knowing how much they care about something. Oh, that's, you know, and so they wanna be a little bit effortlessly cool. I'm not trying too hard. I don't care if you like me or not. Speaker 2: Meanwhile, they care a lot. And as I talk about in the book, that's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing to prioritize connection and relationships and understand the power of those connections that you have. And that is what Parisian perfectionists do. Every perfectionist is chasing an ideal mm-hmm. . And we think of perfectionism in a one dimensional way, as in behavioral perfectionism. So I want everything to be organized and in its place when actually perfectionism is kaleidoscopic. And so perfectionism can show up interpersonally, I want to be perfectly liked by you, or perfectly understood, or I wanna be the perfect mother, the perfect whatever. And that doesn't look like I wanna act and say the perfect things. It's so much more nuanced. That's why I love this subject, because the person is holding in their mind a pie chart of what the perfect mother, let's say, okay. Speaker 2: Behaves like. Right. It's not that she never screams, it's that when she loses her cool, it's only to a certain amount. And then she's immediately able to make successful repair attempts and she's continually, you know, improving and getting better. And, you know, she's, and so when we think of perfect, we think of happy all the time, or never making a mistake, but perfectionism is actually very individualized. Mm-Hmm. , and it's based on the own person's sense of what is, you know, this shows up another example of emotional perfectionism showing up is like, what is the perfect way to feel when you bump into an X ? Right? So it's like, I wanna feel 5% nostalgic, 20% just indifferent, and I don't care. And like 50% confident, empowered, and, you know, I wanna forget about it 10 minutes later. And so, you know, that's where we get to the nuance of perfectionism is those, those little pie charts that we walk around with our minds. 1: I, I think that's great. And, and I'm not sure what I would do if my heads, I don't think it would be perfect, whatever it was. 2: We don't wanna find out. We don't need to find out. Right. that can remain a mystery for us all. 1: It seems more targeted or focused on women. You talk a lot about misogyny, and I totally agree with you. And, and yet how would men be? 2: You know, you're the first person to ask me that question, and I've done so many podcasts. Thank you for asking that, because this is something I wanna talk more about. Unfortunately, like everything can't fit in a book, but perfectionism in men, typically, and I, you know, this is like a heteronormative version of perfectionism in men, typically shows up in like, the perfect response for a man is to be strong, to not cry, to know what to do, and to be able to pretty immediately execute on those actions. Speaker 2: Right? So there's no allowance for inaction. There's no allowance for more feminine qualities of, you know, I need comfort, I need guidance, I need counsel, I need love, I need all the things that men need, but feel unable to either access or ask for, or even recognizing themselves that they need because we've so polarized what it means to be a man and a woman in this, in this ridiculous way that we all know intellectually. But when we are in that position of, of feeling in need, you know, it's hard to be able to operate with a broadened perspective on all that stuff. 1: I was talking to one of my own clients yesterday about asking for help, and I quoted your quote . Hmm. He said, asking for help is refusal to give up. And that's how I frame it. I loved that. So anyway, again, there are lots of little, no, not so little just very noteworthy and memorable.Is that a word? Memorable, things things, quotes in your book. 2: Well, I'm glad that we're including men 'cause people have asked me that question too. And, and what I've noticed and I, I certainly have men, many men come to mind that I've worked with that Right. Fit into this rubric. So, I mean, I'm sure you've noticed the difference between what happens when men cry in front of you in a session, for example. Right. I mean, it's always vulnerable when clients go there. They're meaning like a very emotionally like live wire place when men do it. There, there is like a palpable sense of shame in the room, you know, of like, oh, I am really out of control right now. I am really losing it. Mm-Hmm. . 1: Yeah. I, I I love to say to folks, I think tears are about intensity, not weakness. 2: Mm. I like that reframe. We believe. 1: So one of the things that I appreciated so much about your book is that you spend several chapters on what you can do about it, is what I say on SelfWork all time. What can you do about it? Yeah. And I wanna get there, but before I do, I think there were really in this kind of sense of celebrating, but also trying to understand what the underbelly of perfectionism is. You, you said there are two guiding questions mm-hmm. , how am I striving and why am I striving? Can you talk about that a little bit? 2: Sure. So, you know, mental health and being healthy is not like a coordinate that you just plant your flag in and say, I've arrived. I'm healthy now. And healthy versions of perfectionism and unhealthy versions, like everybody always wants to know, am I healthy, perfectionist or not? And I'm like, let me kill the suspense. You're both, I'm both, anyone who's a perfectionist is both Exactly. Mm-Hmm. . And so I encourage people to think of it on a spectrum, right? And so in instead of a categorical model of I am or am not, the questions of how and why help you really be a little more thoughtful about your level of awareness. So the how it am it skin, it's that, right? Exactly. Exactly. And so the how is like, how am I striving? Am I striving in a way that is hurting me, that is burning me out, that is exploiting people around me, that is, you know, costing me something that I value my integrity, you know, my health, my relationships with my family, whatever it is that's unhealthy perfectionism, maladaptive perfectionism. Conversely, am I striving in a way that makes me feel like more of myself, that helps me to feel alive, that increases my curiosity, that really energizes me and also, you know, tires me out because this is work, you know, but it tires me out in a way that feels satisfying, right? That's healthy adaptive perfectionism. And the why am I striving is like, why am I trying to pursue the thing that I am in pursuit of? Is it because I think achieving that thing is going to enable me to then feel a certain way that once I, once I get my doctorate, then I can feel smart or know that I'm smart. Or once I get married, then I can feel like a grownup or lovable or legit or, you know, is it gonna certify my belonging in some way? Are you trying to get a ticket of admission into some club mm-hmm. , or that's that's, that's unhealthy perfectionism? Or am I striving because it feels so good in the most, in the deepest way to find a pursuit worthy of a lifetime of striving, right. 1: And it's a process, it's a, yeah, you're enjoying the whole nine yards from A to z I mean, you may be tired when you get to Z but it's something that is, like you say, is feeding you at the same time that you are, that you are putting out that kind of energy and determination. 2: Yes, thank you. That's a great point. There's a level of reciprocation of energy, whereas when it's maladaptive and unhealthy, it feels like just hemorrhaging energy, just like, you know, such a cost. And so this most simple example is when people try to look their best, right? Healthy perfectionists might want to, some perfectionists don't really care about the way that they present, but if you're in a healthy place and you do care about the way that you present, you might decide to present, you know, as your best to look your best because you feel your best on the inside. And you wanna animate that and celebrate that and share that and let people know that. Whereas if you are in a maladaptive space, you do the exact same behavior, right. You're looking your best, but you're doing that because you already feel like you're at such a deficit and you already feel unworthy. So the thinking is, I better look my best because I'm already coming to this meeting, this marriage, this whatever it is from a place of lack. And so I need to compensate for that somehow. So I'm gonna, you know, try to compensate by looking my best. So it's very . Yeah. I mean, it's what you're talking about in your book of it's hidden only, you know? Mm-Hmm. only, you know, whether you are focused on looking your best because you know, you truly feel that inside and you wanna animate that mm-hmm. or because you feel a void inside and you wanna try to fill that. 1: I love that term "animate." I think that is very 'cause it does feel as if you are Disney your life in some ways. 'cause You want to, you're trying to, you know, Gordon Flett says, "The better I do, the better I must do." 2: And so it's just this constant cycle of, of of animating that, you know that way you want to seem Yeah, yeah, yeah. In destructive perfectionism. 1: Right. I love those two questions. Help me understand, because I, I got puzzled a little bit about, you talk about balance in a negative way mm-hmm. and I, I understood it. In many ways, it's, you, you know, you can't have it all. You, you just, you know, that's just not gonna happen. But you, you talk about balance is actually an energetic equilibrium. There's another one of those phrases that I loved, and because you've become, you've become being good at being busy. So can you sure. Yeah. 2: So that a little bit for us, yeah. Balance is a wonderful pursuit in its original definition, which is energetic equilibrium. Mm-Hmm. right. Balance in its, yeah. You know, original form is about how you feel on the inside. Right. Balance as we talk about it in commercial wellness has become a, about being good at being busy mm-hmm. mm-hmm. . And so we've really lost the inside of what balance means and we're operating with a shell casing. Yeah, that's an excellent point. Yeah. And so, you know, the people that are genuinely have found this sweet spot of their energetic equilibrium on the outside, they look like the opposite of balanced. You know, they're not able to juggle any task you throw at them. And, and they're not, you know, perfectly moving through their day with all of the, you know, it's not about that. And so it, that section was about the implicit sort of wild goose chase that we send women on, which is, you know what, you know what your problem is, you are not balanced enough. Yeah. Let me help you to be balanced. Do this, say this mantra in the morning and buy this like Instapot so that you can make quinoa, , and you know get this app that's gonna help you to learn French, because balanced people are really cultured and travel enough and all this stuff. And it's like, just becomes another another achievement. You must, but now I must achieve balance. Yeah. And you know, I talk about it in the book, like when we were all young girls, we were told that the story that a prince was gonna come and rescue us, right? And that if we just make the most out of being trapped or kidnapped or, you know, being an orphan or whatever travesty that we're in and do what is good and virtuous, then one day the prince will come and save us and we will live as this story goes happily ever after. And now as adult women, we are being sold that same exact story. And the prince has been replaced by this idea of balance that is so superficial, it's not real, and it never arrives. It's like, balance is always, oh, after the holidays I'll, I'll find balance. Oh, this is such a stressful week at work. I can't wait till Saturday. I'm gonna, you know, what I'm gonna have, get level set on Saturday. And then it's always in the future. And it never comes. And, and we don't notice that it never comes because as women, we are too busy blaming ourselves for it's delay. And it is not our fault. The reason that we never come, that it never comes is because this fake notion of balance is not real. It's just an idea. It's not real. Mm-Hmm. . 1: Yeah. It's a really intriguing thought. And I, I think it, it certainly I'm glad you said it and brought it up in the conversation in your book. 'Cause I, I think it's, it's something that maybe people, as you say, have swallowed a this com. 2: I used the term commercial a few minutes ago, this commercial version of balance. And, you know, you see people meditating on commercials and you know, making sure they take their, you know, all their medicine 'cause another medicine is going to fix that. Right? So medicine and yoga pants, the right outfit, , and a quick vodka martini perhaps. Oh, that too. Sure. 1: You said there are 10 changes in thinking that you can have and then 10 changes in your behaviors. So I would, I would love for you to just pick one of those maybe that you don't get to talk about very much. Mm-Hmm. , I just wrote a few of them down. Counterfactual thinking Maintenance and is triumph, difficulty versus challenge. And what I can't read my own handwriting, the getting connected Simple isn't easy, which I loved that one. Mm-Hmm. And then some of the behaviors are restoration, reframe, explain, and express. Do less than, do more. Those are just a few that I wrote down. But what do you not get to talk about that you'd like to talk about? 2: Oh, thank you for that. So I think strike when the iron is cold. Like one of my favorite strategies it's a phrase that comes from the Dr. Irvin Yalom who is, you know, a celebrated psychologist and writer. And the idea here is that the best time to address a conflict or something that is really challenging to you is not when the iron is hot. It's not in the moment that you're in the conflict, right? It's when the conflict and you have some distance between themselves. So the strategy that, you know, the way I applied it in the book is like, the best time to work on your maladaptive perfectionism is when it's not showing up. Yes. For you. It's when you're in a great space. Because when you're in a healthy space, that's when you feel most solutions oriented. That's when you feel confident enough to ask for help. That's when you feel, you know, that you have the most energy to maybe set or adjust a routine such that you are able to encounter, you know, your deepest self every day or your goals or whatever it is that you, you know, if you're anything like me can lose sight of really easily, you know, I have to remind myself of like my basic values every day just because otherwise we get so distracted and so striking when the iron is, is cold applied outside of managing perfectionism might look like, let's say you and your partner have a real hot button issue going on. Mm-Hmm. the time to talk about that is when you are feeling very connected to that person. Exactly. And when, when you and that person are laughing, you're having a good time, you feel safe together. And that's when you wanna say, listen, I, I've been thinking about something that I'd like to have a conversation about. It's important to me. Do you have time? Mm-Hmm. And energy to listen to that right now? Or are you up for that right now? Mm-Hmm. and the person will probably be able to receive that versus, you know, let's just say for argument's sake, the, the issue is one, you know, one person comes home late and they don't say that they're coming home late and the other person feels dismissed and disrespected and blah, blah, blah. Okay. So striking when the iron is hot would look like noticing it's seven o'clock. My partner said they would be home at, at 6 45, 0, 15 minutes. You're building resentment, you're, you're, you know, you're just having an argument in your head and then seven 12 rolls by and your partner comes home and you're just like, why didn't you tell me? We have talked about this. I wanna talk about this right now. You either respect me or you don't. And you just engage in this very unproductive back and forth, which creates immediate defensiveness. Nobody feels really safe and nobody feels open. There's, there's such a tiny, if not invisible or, or not even invisible, but just like doesn't exist opportunity for solution in those moments. You're just doing damage control at that point. Sure. Of course. 1: Strike when the iron is cold. That's a great, great way of putting it. And I've never heard it before. So that's that's, that's another one that will stick with me. I have sneaking suspicion. And then again, some of your behavioral suggestions are also really, really good. Which one do you not get to talk about ? Well so I mean, I think that if people understood that asking for help looks like not just asking for emotional help, that's actually a reframe of of perspective. 2: It's not one of the behavioral strategies, but I think it applies to behavioral strategies. Because if we're talking about the behavior of asking for help, being able to understand that, so often we don't ask for help because we think of my, of help in this myopic one dimensional way, which is asking for help means being emotionally vulnerable and having to tell someone something that feels private or scary to acknowledge. And emotional help is one version of help. I identify six in the book. There are many more. And so other versions of help include informational help. Mm-Hmm. , right? So if you, if you just started a business and you are really stressed out with the mechanics of filing your taxes under, you know, this a new P L L C as opposed to the way you've always filed your taxes in life, you are stressed and you need help and understanding, wait a minute, I don't need necessarily a therapy session about this. I need to talk to an accountant and ask them two specific questions. I need informational help. And so just being able to organize the kind of help you need and create buckets in your mind. There's tangible help, there's physical help, there's financial help, there's emotional help, there's informational help and there's community help. And again, that's just the intro class, right? , they're all different kinds of help. And so asking for help doesn't have to look like bearing your soul to somebody. You know, I, I'm thinking laughing to myself about this past weekend. I, I'm short, I'm like five three and I am too. Oh, . And I was at the grocery store and the thing I wanted Creme Fraise was way at the top. And I was standing there and trying to hold on and I thought, I'm just not gonna ask for help. And I knocked the hole, the shelf off, , it all kept rumbling down. Oh God, didn't I just ask for help? So 2: Yeah. I know there are so many moments where we don't ask for help for no good reason. And then there are other moments when we don't ask for help for reasons that we think are good, but other people, you know, they, I was just talking about this to a friend where it's like, you don't ask for help because you think you are burdening someone. Mm-Hmm. when actually asking for help is an invitation to connect and let people show up for you. And it also gives other people license to ask for help from you. Love to ask for help. Yeah. Be asked for help. It's like, oh, you see me as someone that can help you? That's very flattering to me. 1: Right. A lot of people do. So well the, the book's title is again, the Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control, A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler. And I'm also curious, and I saw that one of your certifications was from the Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy in New York, and, but your afterward is very interesting. Mm-Hmm. . 2: Yeah. I put that in in the last second 'cause I was scared to put it in because I was like, it it, it has God in it. Yeah. It has God, God language, . And I was really raised, not, not religiously and so to me, but I've always believed in God. Mm-Hmm. and it felt like a really intellectual book. And it also felt incomplete without that afterwards. So I just snuck it in there, . 1: I love it. I thought, wow, what, this is really revealing another part of her. Yeah. So it was and the way you feel about that kind of connection, how you feel about connection. Yeah. 2: Well, I'll tell you where that came from. I remember being in my apartment before I even had a book proposal and just having a ton of index cards. 'cause I'm old school and I like to write stuff on index cards and lay them out to organize my thoughts. And I was like, what is this book gonna be about? What is it not gonna be about? How am I going to structure it? And I just had that, you know, I call it in the afterward Waking Dream. I was sitting there and I just saw what I wrote in the afterward and it was just like a ten second thing. And I, and I was like, that is the spine of the book. And at, when I finished the book, something about it didn't feel complete and it was not including that little, you know, half a page afterward. And then I put it in and I felt such a peace in heart and mind, and I really love that part too. So thank you for, for sharing that. 1: Of course. Well, if for SelfWork listeners who are going to actually pick this book up, which I would highly recommend, I'm not gonna spoil it by reading it because I think it's just very, oh gosh, it, it evoked curiosity. It evoked gentleness. I don't know. It was just very, it was very interesting that you would, and I, I, I felt like you were letting us in a little bit to who you are and, and what makes you tick. So that's, that was really a beautiful thing to write. Hmm. Thank you. Anything else that you would like for us to hear about you or about your work? 2. Well the book is a conversation starter, and I could, you know, I think we all could talk about this in so many different directions and ways. And I continue the conversation on my site, which is Katherine Morgan Schafler.com, and you can find me on instagram@Katherinemorganschafler.com. And and I just wanna thank you for having me on. This has been such a thoughtful conversation and I also wanna Thank you. I have your book here. Oh. And I wanna, I wanna thank you for laying the groundwork. You know, you and so many other practitioners, you know, Dr. Brene Brown comes to mind, Flett and Hewitt, obviously, you know, all these people that really cemented how perfectionism can go wrong and how much we need to be mindful of that and understand that we need bumper lanes on this thing mm-hmm. or else we are going to crash. Mm-Hmm. . And, you know, the crash for perfectionism is very serious. And I talk about those serious risks in the book. And the reason that I was able to write a book about a sort of broader perspective was because the, you know, part about how maladaptive perfectionism can go wrong was so clearly laid out. And so I appreciate that and it gave me license to really explore. And I never get a chance to tell the people who wrote books. I mean, isn't that the best part of being an author is that you get to talk to other people who write other authors and about being a podcast host as well, so . Yeah, right. But man, being a podcast host looks so hard to me. It look, I mean, it looks easy on the surface, but just by being on all these podcasts, even just as a guest, I'm like, God, the level of technology, alone, . Well, that's when you, thank God for your team and your audio engineer . Mm-Hmm. . Thank you Catherine. So very, very much. My pleasure. Thank you. Of course. Thanks to Catherine for a wonderful interview. I'm so appreciative of her work and the fact that she also actually in the beginnings of the book does talk about how perfectionism can be destructive. So we're really more on the same page than I initially thought. Thanks for the reviews you're leaving for SelfWork. Wherever you listen, keep 'em coming. Thank you for your support and for being here today. And please take very good care of yourself, your family, and your community. Of course, our hearts are broken by what has happened in Hawaii. And so if you know someone there or if your life is affected by that tragic wildfire, please know that we are helping and we want to help. And I urge everybody listening, give whatever you can to the American Red Cross or the organization of your choice to help out these Hawaiians who have lost everything. I'm Dr. Margaret, and this has been SelfWork.
Do you pride yourself on your ability to “tuck your crazy?” Would you rather boil in rage or drown in overwhelm than be exposed as a Drama Queen? We're conditioned from an early age to suppress inconvenient feelings. Whoever can put up with the most sh!t and still smile wins. My guest today is Michelle Grosser–a recovering perfectionist and nervous system regulation coach. She shares how her fear of being seen as “emotional” crippled her ability to function as a full time litigator, part time law professor, wife and mother of two babies. She discovered that “doing too much” wasn't the problem. It was feeling too little. Prioritizing the care of her nervous system didn't require her to let go of her dreams. It enhanced her ability to achieve them. In this episode, Michelle shares: How to pinpoint the REAL source of your stress It's not emotions that are so scary. It's your fear of losing control. How to soothe your nervous system with 10-minute /day habits. The difference between mindset and somatic tools and which work best. Find Michelle Grosser at The Calm Mom podcast, Instagram: @MichelleGrosser.coach REGISTER FOR FREE MASTERCLASS ON EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY. Can't figure out how to leave a review? Email me at colleen@recoverwithcolleen.com to participate in my 50th birthday challenge to raise money for SheRecovers.org Looking for friends, support and guidance? Join our tribe in the Bitch Free Recovery Zone on Circle. Follow me on Instagram Recover with Colleen Subscribe to my email list...I send one email every Monday related to the podcast and a monthly invite to my workshops (like how to improve your sleep, how to fix your dopamine deficit, how to reintroduce alcohol after a. period of sobriety and more!) Click here.
Welcome to Episode 81 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! This is the last episode of our Body & Soul Summer Series. It's been fun to chat through topics to help us as moms, body and soul. Today I'm talking about mom overwhelm: why we feel it and the cure for it from Psalm 23. Some of the resources I mention in this episode include: Psalm 23:1-4 NASB 2 Corinthians 9:8 God Knows by Lisa Whittle* The Hard Good by Lisa Whittle* Called Creatives* The Craig Groeschel Leadership Podcast Lead Like It Matters by Craig Groeschel* The Grove Collaborative*: Get a free gift set with my link. Kitch Satin Sleep Scrunchies Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram: @andreafortenberry My website: andreafortenberry.com Subscribe to my monthly magazine, Restore. Issues will hit your inbox the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Katherine Morgan Schafler shares actionable tips for fighting toxic perfectionism, identifying your own personal values, and living in alignment with those values. how to stop trying to control your body (whether it's about your weight or health) pragmatic ways to let go of outside expectations and timelines of where your life is “supposed” to be the misogynistic roots of the idea of balance and women being afraid to lose control why it's not bad to need external validation (as long as you do THIS one thing) the reason it's hard to love yourself, even if you're doing the work 3 concrete ways to love yourself more all of the ways you might be punishing yourself without even knowing it (and what to do instead) a genius way to tap into your innate sense of self-worth the difference between energy management and time management + how to get more premium quality energy practical tips to stop people pleasing how to not let perfectionism get in the way of your best life and so much more! For more from Katherine, find her at perfectionistsguide.com, follow her on social media at @katherinemorganschafler, and grab her book The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power. To join the Healthier Together Podcast Club Facebook group, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthiertogetherpodcast. This episode is sponsored by: Thrive Market: go to thrivemarket.com/healthiertogether to join Thrive Market today and get 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift. LMNT: go to DrinkLMNT.com/Liz a to get a free LMNT sample pack with any order. AG1: visit AG1.com/healthiertogether and get your FREE year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs today. Paleovalley: go to paleovalley.com/lizmoody for 15% off your order. Healthier Together cover art by Zack. Healthier Together music by Alex Ruimy.
Welcome to Episode 80 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Right now we're right in the middle of our Body & Soul Summer Series and today's episode is about the body, particularly pelvic floor health. I think we've all heard of the pelvic floor, but maybe aren't sure what it is or how to take care of it. That's why I invited Dr. Kate Palmer to join us on the podcast. She is a Doctor of Physical Therapy specializing in women's health, specifically pregnancy, postpartum, dancers, and pelvic health, and wellness. She believes in a holistic, whole-body approach to treating musculoskeletal issues. We chat about what the pelvic floor is, why it's important for us to pay attention to these muscles, and much more! Some of the resources we mention in this episode: Beach Read by Emily Henry* You can connect with Dr. Kate via: Instagram: @flourishconciergept Facebook: @flourishconciergept Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram: @andreafortenberry My website: andreafortenberry.com Subscribe to my monthly magazine, Restore. Issues will hit your inbox the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Amy thinks she has her attachment style figured out, but Kat challenges Amy's self-assessment. Secure attachment is the goal for all of us, and while there's hope for that, most of us are either avoidant, anxious or disorganized. Do you know your attachment style? An episode of Mel Robbins' podcast is what got Amy started on attachment styles. You can listen to it HERE. Quotes from this episode: -“Your circle is supposed to be proud, not jealous!” -“Some people will judge you for changing. Others will celebrate you for growing. Choose your circle carefully!” -“Parked car conversations are low key therapy!!” Other things discussed: -Don't underestimate a staycation! -Positive Energy Meditation HERE -Trey Kennedy is the ‘4 Things' guest for this Thursday's episode! -Amy started watching ‘The Summer I Turned Pretty' (on Amazon) & it's so good!! -ATTN: Perfectionists!! Read this book: The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power -Kat updated us on “slow blinking” (like cats do to their owners) -An email from a listener named Amy about the infamous “what does this make possible” question! HOSTS:Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com Please send emails for the 5th thing to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com P.S. Stachira's teeth whitening deal HERE (only good for July 11th & 12th)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Welcome to Episode 79 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Today I'm chatting with Sarah Hauser. She is a writer, speaker, mom of four, and a very loud rescue dog. She is the author of All Who Are Weary: Finding True Rest by Letting Go of the Burdens You Were Never Meant to Carry.* We chat about some of the soul-crushing burdens Sarah mentions in her book, one of which is perfectionism. We also chat about how unpacking the things we carry can help us be better moms and how we can let go of our burdens to carry something better instead. Some of the resources we mention include: Bearing God's Name by Carmen Joy Imes* Bearing God's Image by Carmen Joy Imes* Kendra Adachi, The Lazy Genius Focus on the Family: Counseling Biblical Hope Counseling: Arizona Living Hope Counseling: Arizona You can connect with Sarah via: Instagram: @sarah.j.hauser Her website Her newsletter Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website Subscribe to my free monthly magazine, Restore. New issues come out the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Perfectionism is a complex mindset and behaviour that can be influenced by various factors, which is why we spoke to psychotherapist and The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control author Katherine Morgan Schafler on the "How To Be Books Podcast".Please hit subscribe to hear the whole series on life skills and social change! It should be short and sweet. I look forward to journeying with you through this maze of hacks.Other amazing guests who took part:Author of The Rosie Project, The Rosie Effect, as well as The Rosie Result Graeme Simsion.Producer and host of Brodcast, and owner of social media market company Tenkai Klara Tuličić.Lisa Grotts is an author, certified etiquette expert, and Huffington Post blogger. She is also a former Director of Protocol for the City and County of San Francisco.Michelle Foulia is the author of Poppy's Miracle, coach, and speaker.Other books/articles looked at:Reshma Saujani: Brave, Not Perfect: Fear Less, Fail More and Live Bolder
Katherine Morgan Schafler, the author of the Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control.As a creative and an expecting mother, I felt called toward this book. SO I'm really excited to have Katherine on the podcast today. Katherine is a psychotherapist, author, and speaker. She earned her degrees at the University of California Berkley, Columbia University, and post grad certification from the Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy in NYC. We dive into her book and discuss: What are the 5 types of perfectionists?· Classic Perfectionists· Parisian Perfectionists· Procrastinator Perfectionists· Messy Perfectionists· Intense PerfectionistsCheck out her book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/665336/the-perfectionists-guide-to-losing-control-by-katherine-morgan-schafler/Follow us on Instagram: @creativeeditionpodcast Follow Emma on Instagram: @emmasedition | Pinterest: @emmaseditionAnd sign up for our email newsletter.
Welcome to Episode 78 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! We're in our Body & Soul Summer series. I'm chatting with my friend Sarah Martin. Sarah Martin is a wife, mom, author, and a Certified FASTer Way Health & Wellness Coach. She is passionate about gathering purpose-driven women and coaching you in health and wellness to love God heart, soul, mind, and strength to be fit for the call He has on your life. Some of the resources we mention in this episode include: My friend Noelle's prayer challenge for your kids' friendships Reach Noelle on Instagram: @noellerhodescomedy The YouVersion Bible App The Last Dance ESPN Documentary Reduce Insulated Tumbler* Sarah's book, Higher Pursuits: Positioning Yourself for Everyday Revival* You can connect with Sarah via: Instagram: @sarahmartinvibrantlife Her website Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website Subscribe to my free monthly magazine, Restore. New issues come out the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Psychotherapist and author of The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace & Power, Katherine Morgan Schafler, breaks down the FIVE TYPES of perfectionism (including Heather's type), the difference between control and power, what it was like being the on-site therapist at Google, how perfectionism affects your parenting, and if you and your partner have compatible types of perfectionism! Check out our great sponsors! Reliefband: Go to Reliefband.com and use promo code HEATHER you'll receive 20% off plus free shipping! Fly-U-Home: Get up to a $100 eGift Card with a new membership with code HEATHER at AirMedCareNetwork.com/heather Be one of the first 150 people to get a $10 gift card when you fill out a quick survey at PodcastOne.study
Welcome to Episode 77 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Right now we're currently in our Body & Soul Summer series and I'm excited to share the conversation I had with my friend Courtney Lowman about spending time with God. Courtney is a wife, mom, speaker and podcast host. Because she believes that everyone has an absolute need for discipleship and mentorship, Courtney created The Journey of Ruth Discipleship Podcast where episodes reflect her mission to help women Love Jesus, Read His Work, and Reach Others. Alongside serving her global audience, Courtney enjoys living out her mission closer to home as a volunteer alongside her husband in their church's college ministry, as a speaker, and as a discipler of young women. Some of the resources we mention in this episode include: Wake Up Light for Kids* So Much More: Creating Space for God (Lectio Divina and Scripture Meditation) Podcast Lectio 365 App The Bible Journal for Busy Women Jesus Calling for Kids by Sarah Young* Indescribable: 100 Devotions for Kids About God and Science by Louie Giglio* The Gospel Comes with a Housekey by Rosaria Butterfield* Smart Money Happy Hour Courtney's Favorite Milk Frother* Growing Slow by Jennifer Dukes Lee* You can connect with Courtney via: The Journey of Ruth Podcast journeyofruth.com Instagram @journeyofruth Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website Subscribe to my free monthly magazine, Restore. New issues come out the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
On this episode of Emotionally Unfucked, we have the amazing Katherine Morgan Schafler join us for a conversation on perfectionism. Katherine is a psychotherapist, writer, speaker, and former onsite therapist at Google. She earned degrees and trained at UC Berkeley, and Columbia University with postgraduate certification from the Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy in New York City. She works with women who self-identify as perfectionists This episode isn't about “overcoming” perfectionism as you've probably heard before. Katherine has a beautiful view of perfectionism and how that she also shares in her book The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control. Perfectionism is not a mental illness, and treating it as one is causing countless people, mostly women, to suffer needlessly. If you've ever thought of yourself as a perfectionist this episode will be incredibly powerful for you to listen to. We cover: The five types of perfectionists Katherine identifies in her book How Katherine's health shaped her own view on perfectionism Why perfectionism isn't inherently bad or something that needs to be “fixed” The difference in the need for power and control when it comes to perfectionism Can't get enough of Katherine? We get it! Purchase her book here- https://www.perfectionistsguide.com/ Follow her on social media- https://www.instagram.com/katherinemorganschafler/ Take the quiz now- https://www.perfectionistsguide.com/quiz Connect with Us! https://www.instagram.com/emotionallyunfucked/
Welcome to Episode 76 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! This episode is kicking off our Body and Soul Summer Series! Today I'm talking with my friend, writer, and speaker, Jessica Carey about body confidence. Jess Carey is a wife and mother of two teenagers, who has moved more than eight times across more than 11,000 miles in the past decade, including a stint internationally. From acting in New York to running a business overseas, she has consistently sailed into the unknown. She is open, honest, and vulnerable in her writing and her speaking. She gives her audience permission to dream again, to forgive the past, and hope to launch into a bright new future. Some of the resources we mention in this episode include: Episode 6 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering with Jess Psalm 139 Body Image Study I Mom So Hard: I Swimsuit Season So Hard Buzz Feed: Photoshopping Real Women Into Cover Model Try Softer by Aundi Kolber* Tarte Shape Tape Concealer Tarte Pressed Setting Powder You can connect with Jess via: Her website: jessicacarey.co, where she has a Five Quick Habits to Build Body Confidence video series Instagram @jess_careyaz Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website Subscribe to my free monthly magazine, Restore. New issues come out the first Friday of every month. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Dr Zucker is a licensed psychologist in Washington D.C. She has published several books on the treatment of anxiety disorders. In this interview , I talk with her about her two most recent books: A Perfectionist's Guide to Not Being Perfect and How to Manage Your Social Power in Middle School. The two books deal with separate but related challenges of the middle school years. The middle school years can pour jet fuel on any tendencies towards perfectionism. And it has been said of middle school children that peer relations become so important that it is as if children get addicted to popularity. Her comments on social power can help children manage these rough waters. For more information on Dr. Zucker https://www.bonniezuckerandassociates.com/publications We discuss two videos in the interview that she recommends. J. Jiang What I learned from 100 days of rejection. https://youtu.be/-vZXgApsPCQ Brooks Gibbs How to Stop a Bully https://youtu.be/7oKjW1OIjuw
Katherine Morgan Schafler, author of The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, busts myths on perfectionism. Many people wear perfectionism as a badge of honor, but in reality it is a maladaptive behavior that can make parenting more difficult than it already is!Tallo is a digital portfolio platform where your teen can apply for scholarships, internships, and opportunities. Check them out at https://bit.ly/tallotalkingtoteens Visit our website, https://bit.ly/talkingtoteenswebsite, to sign up for our newsletter so you'll never miss an episode!Today's show contains a discussion on suicide. If you or a loved one is in crisis, please call the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800)-273-TALK or (800) 273-8255. You can also text them via Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741). All services are free, confidential and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.Show Notes (00:00) Introduction to Perfectionism (and Katherine!)Katherine shares her background in psychotherapy and how she came to specialize in perfectionism. Plus, the modern shift of “perfectionism” meaning “balanced”—and yet how being “balanced” is often exhausting in today's world! As Katherine notes, “...if you're feeling out of balance, do less, not more.”We also discuss the two perfectionist modes: adaptive and maladaptive. Perfectionism is not inherently bad. It's incredible that humans can have an ideal in their minds and set to work to create a more “perfect” reality. Healthy perfections know the ideal is meant to inspire. Unhealthy perfections conflate achievement and inspiration. Katherine shares two questions we can ask to determine if someone's (or our) perfectionism is adaptive/healthy or maladaptive/unhealthy. (11:40) - Perfectionism and Self-Worth Katherine helps us explore how perfectionism is often misconstrued. We discuss how people often use the term "perfect" to describe moments that are complete, but not necessarily flawless. Often when someone says they had a “perfect” day, they mean there was nothing missing, not that every single moment was flawless. Feeling we are not perfect can sometimes manifest in sneaky ways. Katherine presents how exalting others can sometimes be a down-judgment on our own character. Saying things like “Well of course she can land that job” or “It makes sense the coach gave him the award,” is actually a down-judgment on ourselves. Katherine clues me in on ways we can recognize the talents of others , without overlooking our own awesomeness. (18:50) The Teen Brain, Dramatics, and SuicideKatherine and I talk about how the teen brain does feel emotions more keenly and more intensely because it is still developing. In many respects, this makes our teens more vulnerable to big emotions. With rising rates of teen suicide, Katherine encourages parents to speak to their teens directly. She believes the single most important question parents can ask that might save their teen's life from suicide is: “Have you ever thought about ending your life?” She shares why it works…To listen to the full episode, become a member! Visit talkingtoteens.com
Welcome to Episode 75 of the Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Also, happy May! It's a new month and a busy one for most of us, as the school year is winding down. This means lots of extra things for our kids and us by default: concerts, recitals, school projects, field trips, class parties, teacher appreciation, and more! It's easy to feel overwhelmed by all there is going on. But I don't want us to feel overwhelmed, I want us to take some time now on the front end of the month to help our future selves. Let's not just survive this month, let's thrive! A few of the resources I recommend in this episode include: Restore Magazine: May 2022 Issue with Mother's Day Gift Ideas Episode 4 with Amy Carney Dangerous Prayers by Craig Groeschel* Call the Midwife YouVersion Bible App Greenlight App: Earn $30 when you sign up for Greenlight with this link. With the money app and debit card for kids and teens, you can send your kids money instantly, assign chores, and teach them to earn, save, and invest.* Sign up for Restore Magazine here. New issues will hit your inbox on the first Friday of every month. Yay for happy email! Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Have we got perfectionism all wrong? Is it something that we need to eradicate? Today's guest is Katherine Morgan Schafler, psychotherapist, and former on-site therapist at Google. In her new book, The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, Katherine says we don't need to “recover” from perfectionism to be happy and successful. We need to learn how to be with it in a way that empowers us. You'll learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism (and how to course correct, when it's the latter). You'll also learn about the five types of perfectionists, and which one you might be. This is part one of my two-part conversation with Katherine. LINKS Types of Perfectionist Quiz BBC article Katherine Morgan Schafler's website Katherine on Instagram Mandy on Instagram Sarah Norrad episode Mandy Lehto's website
Welcome to Episode 74 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! In this episode, I talk about hitting the milestone of 10k downloads. Thank you so much! I also chat about becoming, discouragement, waiting, and what to do when we feel disappointed. Here are some of my questions for you: What did you enjoy doing as a child? What made you happy? How has God used those things in your journey to becoming? What dots can you connect from your life now that you couldn't see as you lived through them? What are you waiting for? How can you grow your roots down deep in this waiting season? Some of the resources I mention include: “Nobody wants to show you the hours and hours of becoming. They'd rather show the highlight of what they've become.” - Angela Duckworth Galatians 6:9: “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don't give up.” Zechariah 4:10: “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.” Psalm 1:1-3 says, “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers, But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night, And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season, And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.” “Don't waste the waiting. A waiting season isn't a wasted season if you continue to seek and push into God.” - Pastor Craig Groeschel Marmee by Sarah Miller* Next Level Chef and Farmer Wants a Wife Jireh by Elevation Worship & Maverick City Music Calendly Episode 20, Rest for Weary Moms, of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering Julie and Julia Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website You can support this podcast financially by clicking here. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
Do you have a project you want to start … but you're stuck in analysis paralysis? Do you feel like if you want to do something right, you have to do it yourself? Do you try to wind down after the end of a long day, but your energy levels are just not quite restored? If you answered “Yes!” to any of these questions, then this episode is for you. Psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler, a former on-site therapist at Google, and author of “The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control,” joins us to chat about her research on perfectionism. She shares a framework on five types of perfectionism. She describes the pros and cons of each type, and how to work through some of the negative tendencies to build a more emotionally healthy life. Enjoy! For more information, visit the show notes at https://affordanything.com/episode437 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Kelly talks to Katherine Morgan Schafler, a psychotherapist, writer, speaker and former on-site therapist at Google, about her new book “The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power.” “Perfectionism is meant to be managed, not destroyed.” “The language we use reflects the culture we live in.” “We're all in pain, and most of us […]
Welcome to Episode 73 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Today I'm talking with my friend, Rebecca George. Rebecca is the founder of Radical Radiance® - a podcast community where listeners are equipped to blend what they love with the Jesus who makes them shine. She is a podcaster, speaker, and author whose greatest joy in life is discipling others to pursue their passions in a way that builds the Kingdom. In her free time, you can find her running outside, writing, or trying a new recipe with Garth Brooks playing in the background. In this episode, we talk about the inspiration for Rebecca's new book, Do the Thing: Gospel-Centered Goals, Gumption, and Grace for the Go-Getter Girl*, striving, how to say no, and the pace of grace. Some of the resources we mention include: James 1:5 Called Creatives Full Focus Planner You can connect with Rebecca via: Her website The Radical Radiance Podcast Instagram @rebeccageorgeauthor Just a reminder that you can connect with me via: Instagram @andreafortenberry My website You can support this podcast financially by clicking here. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
What could happen if you started believing that your perfectionism is a good thing? Katherine Morgan Schafler is a psychotherapist, writer, and speaker, and former on-site therapist at Google. She is the author of a brand new book called The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control. In this Podcast Mixer episode with live Q&A, you will learn the different types of perfectionism, the pros and cons of each type, cultivating your power, how perfectionism is a good thing, and more. Excited for you to build and grow your Portfolio Career!As always, this episode with notes is available on my website.Connect with Katherine on InstagramConnect with David on Instagram
This week, join Nicole and Janet McDonald, Onsite's VP of Strategy and Business Services, for a conversation with Katherine Morgan Schafler, New York City-based psychotherapist and author of The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control. Katherine works with ambitious, perfectionistic, city-dwelling women that present externally as though they have it all together while internally, they are struggling. In this conversation, Katherine encourages us to reexamine our understanding of perfectionism and suggests that perhaps we need a massive reframe. She calls into question cultural language and societal norms and argues that we do not have to stop being perfectionists to be healthy, but rather we must harness the power of our unique and individual style of perfectionism. There's a better way to live the lives we intend to and the methodology she shares is both simple and profound: real, authentic connection. Full Show Notes Emotionally Smart Leadership
Why do so many self-described perfectionists, bright, ambitious and hardworking women, feel like something is wrong with them? Why are women taught that perfectionism is a flaw to be managed? Why are perfectionists so hard on themselves? And how can ambitious achievers, striving towards the ideal, find peace and self-compassion while continuing to embrace their perfectionism? I wanted to dive into all these questions with my guest today, Katherine Morgan Schafler, because I both identify as a perfectionist and work with a lot of perfectionists: high-achieving, successful women who use alcohol as a way to disconnect from the anxiety and overwhelm of their lives. Katherine's a psychotherapist, speaker, author of The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control and former on-site therapist at Google who has worked with legions of self-described perfectionists. In this episode, we dive into all things women and perfectionism. For full show notes and to access resources mentioned in this episode, head over to www.hellosomedaycoaching.com/154 Ready to drink less + live more? If you're ready to change your relationship with alcohol join The Sobriety Starter Kit. It's my signature sober coaching course for busy women to help you drink less + live more. To enroll go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. Grab the Free 30-Day Guide To Quitting Drinking, 30 Tips For Your First Month Alcohol-Free Connect with Casey McGuire Davidson To find out more about Casey and her coaching programs, head over to her website, www.hellosomedaycoaching.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Welcome to Episode 72 of The Perfectionist's Guide to Mothering! Today I'm talking with my amazing friend, Jackie Kelley. Jackie is a stay-at-home mom to two wild boys based in Arizona. She is a self-proclaimed “maker” who loves to dream big. She has served with her local MOPS chapter for five years and has a passion for young moms and young families. Along with her husband of eight years, she is on a mission to show the world that having intentional fun with your spouse is possible regardless of what season of life you are in. We chat all about Hot Date Night: the why, the rules, and how you can implement hot date night into your marriage today. Some of the resources we mention include: Hot Date Night on Instagram: @hotdatenight Oh Crap Potty Training* MinimaList Aqua Notes* You can connect with Jackie via: Instagram: @stayathomejackie Hot Date Night on Instagram: @hotdatenight You can support this podcast financially by clicking here. *Affiliate Link --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/andreafortenberry/support
I'm excited to welcome Katherine Morgan Schafler to the show! She's a psychotherapist, writer, speaker, and the former onsite therapist at Google. She earned her bachelor's degree in psychology at UC Berkeley before obtaining two masters from Columbia University. Additionally, she completed her postgraduate training and certification at the Association of Spirituality and Psychotherapy in NYC. Today I'm bringing Katherine on to talk about her recently published book, The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, which is designed to help you understand the different types of perfectionism, how your perfectionism can work for you, (not against you), and how to embrace it. We talk about the sociocultural issues ambitious women face, the importance of living in alignment with what you truly value, and how you can harness perfectionism in a healthy way to be your most authentic self. Having these conversations inspires me to take a beat and think about how I am being thoughtful with my days, my energy, and my time, and I'm so grateful to Katherine for sharing her professional advice with us. If you're a fellow self-proclaimed perfectionist, make sure to take the perfectionist profile quiz on her website to understand your type, and pick up a copy of her new book, The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, to learn more.We also cover…00:01:32 — Perfectionism Isn't a Bad ThingKatherine's career journeyRead: The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and PowerThe sociocultural issues with languaging used to describe womenMaladaptive vs adaptive perfectionismCommercial wellness labeling perfectionism as “bad” when it isn'tWhy high functioning people suffer from stress and depression How to begin working through what doesn't feel right in your life00:19:44 — Living in Alignment with Your ValuesPleasure's role in finding what makes you happyThe difference between immediate gratification and pleasureThe connection between perfectionism and happinessTwo questions Katherine encourages ambitious, high-achieving women to ask themselvesBreaking the illusion of control00:32:06 — How to Unleash Your Perfectionism in a Healthy WayThe different types of perfectionism and each one's advantages and liabilities Take the perfectionist profile quiz: perfectionistsguide.com/quizWhat types of perfectionists Kelly and Katherine areDr. Kristin Neff's framework: 3 skills for responding to yourself compassionatelyReframing the idea of productivityManage Your Energy, Not Your Time by Tony Schwartz and Catherine McCarthyResources:Website: perfectionistsguide.comRead: The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan SchaflerTake the quiz: perfectionistsguide.com/quizInstagram: @katherinemorganschaflerLinkedIn:...
To avoid burnout, we can't just think about task management. We need to also think about energy management... and how productivity doesn't just mean "getting lots of stuff done." In this conversation with psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler, author of the new book "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control", she offers strategies for building yourself up for the long haul.
Psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler, author of The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power, believes there are 5 kind of perfectionists in this world. Find out your type — and how to harness and unleash its power.
Zibby interviews author, psychotherapist, and former Google on-site therapist Katherine Morgan Schafler about her rigorously researched, empathetic, and empowering new book The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power – a love letter to all ambitious, high-achieving women. Katherine describes the five types of perfectionism (classic, intense, Parisian, messy, and procrastinator), the actionable steps all perfectionists can take to build self-compassion, and how her career in psychotherapy has changed her life. She also talks candidly about the time she finally lost all control and how she came back better from it. Purchase on Bookshop: https://bit.ly/3WyOWKnSubscribe to Zibby's weekly newsletter here.Purchase Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books merch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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