Enough, the podcast

Ever said, “No worries, it's fine,” when it absolutely wasn't fine? Or maybe you've pushed down your needs and shape-shifted into whoever you thought you needed to be in a particular situation. That's not kindness. That's fawning—people-pleasing's sneakier, brain-based cousin. In this episode, neuroscientist and author of Rewire, Nicole Vignola, joins me for a juicy, no-fluff convo about why we fawn, what's going on in the brain when we do it, and how to unhook from this exhausting survival pattern. Nicole shares real talk from her own relationships, where she caught herself over-functioning, then said the magic word: “Enough.” Expect science, self-awareness, and some serious permission to want more. Nicole creates a practical de-fawning practice to help you shift out of appeasement and into enoughness. We kick things off with a little warm-up game I almost edited out… but didn't. Come play enoughness ping pong with us and feel instantly more human. Tune in now. Because “fine” is officially cancelled.   Links:   Nicole Vignola's website and book. Nicole on Instagram. Mandy on Instagram.  

Reinvention often stirs up a storm—self-doubt, not-enoughness, the old habits of perfectionism and overworking. We think we have to earn our way out of stuckness. But what if the answer wasn't in doing more—but in needing less? What if your enoughness was right there in plain sight, but you've been looking for it in the wrong places? This week, I'm joined by the glorious Donna Ashworth: poet, best-selling author, and queen of reinvention. She's been a music industry exec, a magazine journalist, a business owner (of a children's play centre) —and through each chapter, she's rewritten what it means to feel enough. By using her poet's eye, Donna has mastered the art of being easily pleased—finding beauty in the ordinary, and joy in the small. And in doing so, she's removed the pressure to get reinvention “right.” If you've ever felt stuck, lost, or like it's too late to start over… this conversation will feel like a deep exhale.   Links Donna Ashworth's website & books Donna Ashworth on Instagram Mandy Lehto on Instagram Julia Baird episode  

What actually holds you together when life blindsides you? Maybe it's a breakup. A diagnosis. Or the crushing weight of everything right now. If you're wired for hustle, your first instinct might be to work through it—to push harder, achieve more, be exceptional. What if the answer wasn't in doing more, but in seeing oneself as LESS? Wait, what? Julia Baird—broadcaster, journalist, and bestselling author—gets it. She loves being hyper-productive. But when her world cracked open, she didn't seek solace in success. Instead, she discovered the power of her shrinking self and the practice of deliberately seeking awe. In this episode, we dive into the joys (and downsides) of hyper-productivity. We examine “the shrinking self”— and why it might be your secret weapon during tough times. We talk about the sustaining power of deep friendships, ocean swimming and dancing. You'll also learn what Julia has recently said “ENOUGH!” to and felt better for it. You know those episodes where you take notes, read the transcript, and listen twice? This might be one of them. 0:00 Intro 3:40 Julia's broken foot. The Guardian article on the need to be special 6:00 Julia shares that she loves being hyper-productive 10:10 Julia talks about her Calvinistic work ethic – the sense that we must contribute to the world 14:45 Julia could write during difficult times 15:30 The importance of feeling small 19:17 The shrinking self 20:44 The overview effect 23:20 If we're too into achievement, we can experience the power of silence 25:46 Exploring what makes us strong. Julia discusses examples after her breakup 28:49 Things that “glow” in moments of darkness – like ocean swimming for Julia 30:30 Slow looking 34:54 The power of connection and female friendships 40:00 Maybe “ordinariness” is the wrong word 41:24 Julia's powerful quote that Mandy reads out 44:50 Julia has learned a lot from people who are “broken” – she refers to Nick Cave's music 47:28 What Julia is saying “Enough!” to, and feeling better for it 50:00 Julia's word(s) of the year 51:10 OUTRO Links Julia Baird's books: Phosphorescence; Bright Shining: How grace changes everything. Julia Baird's Ted talk, The Power of Feeling Small. Julia on Instagram. Mandy on Instagram. Dacher Keltner's book, Awe. The Guardian article: Why we should stop wishing we were special – and celebrate being ordinary.  

You're all out of give, and even the smallest request can spark an outsized reaction: DON'T YOU KNOW HOW BUSY I AM? Go away! Anger feels right under the skin, and the slightest provocation can unleash it – anything from loud chewing to an urgent email. You used to be fun. Things didn't used to annoy you like this. You might be thinking, “What's wrong with me?” So, you try to do more to finish your never-ending list. Then you'll rest. But you find yourself ever more exhausted and reactive. Doing more is not the answer. This solo Coaching Corner episode will show you what is...We dive into your nervous system, your hormones, and having a cold, hard look at your true capacity. You'll leave with some powerful coaching questions to help turn down the hair-trigger-ness of your annoyance. 0:00 Intro 3:10 Your nervous system as a first-day-on-the-job security guard 5:20 Am you just stressed, or is your nervous system dysregulated? 6:20 What is your reactivity trying to tell you? 6:50 Three tips you can try 7:36 Did you know this happens during perimenopause and menopause? *This explains a LOT. 9:05 Are you really honoring your capacity?  9:40 Do you do these things? 11:08 Three coaching questions to mull over 11:55 Outro Links: Episode 78 of Enough, the Podcast, with Jen Man (on the nervous system)  

   On the outside, Dr Mel Hicks (47) had it all. She's been a global philanthropist for two decades. She's a published author, keynote speaker, and has travelled to 44 countries. But another failed marriage, and an emergency hysterectomy threw Mel into shame and self-doubt. She was alone again, and she'd never be a mother – and she blamed herself. As a high-achiever and a self-proclaimed “runner” from her problems, Mel dove into her charity work, and drank and partied so she wouldn't have to face her feelings of not-enoughness. She finally had to confront the big emotions she'd been running from. Can she find a new way of relating to herself if she's not a mom, and still feel enough? Let's find out…  0:00 Intro   2:22. Why Mel's inability to have children caused her to feel so much not-enoughness   4:03 When Mandy's second marriage fell apart, and the not-enoughness she felt   4:59 Mel's second divorce was a pivotal moment for her   9:49 The shame of not being part of the “motherhood club”   12:27 Mel's fibroid diagnosis   13:35 Mel's coping mechanisms (wine and work)   15:41 Liz Gilbert quote. Mel gets fed up of her own BS   17:31 “I forgive you”   20:04 The exhaustion of pushing down emotions   21:22 Mel allowed her shame stories to surface   24:58 Moving forward vs “running”   26:23 Shame resilience   28:09 How Mel picked shame apart   32:57/Outro What Mel has recently said “Enough!” to   Links   Melanie Sue Hicks's website and book.   Mel on Instagram   Mandy on Instagram

Operating from fear and scarcity means you're not reading life accurately. The same is true if you're moving through life guided solely by intellect – head wisdom – ignoring the superior wisdom of the other senses. My guest is spiritual teacher and NYT best-selling author, Sonia Choquette, who shares some practices from her new book, Read Life Accurately. She helps us to tune into our energetic alerts, within ourselves, others, and the places we work and live in. More and more scientific research supports what intuitive practitioners have known all along – that being connected to our bodily sensations, listening to those “nudges” can help us perform better in high-pressure environments, manage stress, and make less impulsive decisions.  Links Sonia Choquette's website/books. Sonia on Instagram Mandy on Instagram Jessica Maguire's blog on the nervous system (including reference to London traders research). Dene Logan post on Instagram about over-giving as a desire to be rescued.  

Is your measure of success focused purely on your own achievements? Maybe you're at a time in your life when you're questioning legacy, purpose, and who you are beneath your job title. Maybe you're thinking about what it means to contribute and to matter in society. Baroness Lola Young was one of the first black women members of the House of Lords. She's been an actress, an academic, and a cross-bench peer. She's also an active campaigner against modern slavery and unethical fashion. Her new book, Eight Weeks, an account of being raised in foster care and children's homes between the ages of eight weeks and 18 years. In this conversation I talk to Lola about the influence of her challenging past on her identity and choice of career. We probe into what it means to matter – I'm curious if mattering might be an antidote to the hyper-individualization, loneliness and disconnection so many people are feeling. What could “mattering” look like in your own life? Could being of service (more intentionally) help you to feel enough? Let's find out. 00:00 Intro 4:47 Who is Lola Young? 6:08 Lola's thoughts on identity – being black, female and “in care.” 7:45 Jerry Colonna's big question, “To whom do I belong?” 8:21 How Lola's early experiences shaped her identify and feelings of enoughness. 14:46 Description of her book, Eight Weeks: Looking Back, Moving Forwards, Defying the Odds. 18:45 The connection between enoughness and the hyper-individualistic society we live in. What is “mattering?” 20:40 Mattering and enoughness. 23:14 Her peers growing up were tuned into the public need and public service. 24:43 Did Lola's challenging upbringing influence her choice of career? 28:39 Does Lola feel enough in this season of her life? 31:31 Lola's Brick of Wisdom 32:43 Outro 34:04 Sonia Choquette is my next guest. LINKS Lola Young's book Eight Weeks. Lola Young's Wikipedia page. Dr Gordon Flett's book on Mattering. Episode 85 on Kindness with Dr David Hamilton. Episode 77 with Jerry Colonna.  

You may have heard about the health benefits of being kind. Not only can it lower blood pressure, and boost immunity. It can also positively alter your relationship with yourself, which piqued my interest for those of us who've spent decades driving ourselves relentlessly. Is kindfulness a solution to feelings of not-enoughness?  Dr David Hamilton is a speaker, columnist, and author of twelve books, including his most recent, The Joy of Actually Giving a F*ck. He's delivered kindness sessions for Google, Bank of England, the NHS, and many others.  In this episode, David and I discuss “kind genes”, how mindfulness doesn't help everyone to be kinder, and rethinking what success can feel like. David also gives us a kindness challenge, which I've been taking. Hear some of the things I've been trying.  0:00 Intro 3:04 Definition of “kindfulness” 4:00 Does mindfulness work for everyone? 6:26 What mindfulness actually does. 7:18 Does it make you more self-critical? 11:02 David's “Inner Buddha” technique 15:50 The fear that self-compassion means we lose motivation 17:12 Productivity, creativity and neural networks 20:35 What success “feels” like as you're pursuing it 28:45 The Physical benefits of kindness 33:21 Research on kindness and self-esteem 35:04 “Writing as a technology of healing,” (to use Jessica Waite's phrase from the previous episode) 41:29 David's 7 days of kindness challenge 44:18 List of what Mandy tried 47:17 One of David's ideas 50:19 David's Brick of Wisdom 51:12 Outro Links: Dr David Hamilton (includes his new book). Episode 66 of Enough, the Podcast (on kindness).  Alexandra Franzen's list of 50 ways to be ridiculously generous.  

Headphones recommended.  I'm in conversation with Jessica Waite, best-selling author of The Widow's Guide to Dead Bastards. Sean, Jessica's husband of 17 years, died unexpectedly, and after his funeral, when some of his personal effects were returned, she started piecing together parts of his secret life. In this conversation we talk about how you put your life back together after a romantic relationship ends. What if it's complicated by grief, shock, and infidelity? Jessica talks about the importance of feeling her feelings – including questioning her enoughness, and an act of revenge. We discuss the use of writing as a technology of healing. You'll also hear how she's navigating being thrust onto the world stage with her vulnerable story, and how she's grounding herself. Compelling, thought-provoking, and insightful. Join us! 3:44 How Jessica's life unravelled after her husband's unexpected death. 8:35 How did she make sense of his pornography addiction – and how that was different to the breach of trust in her marriage when she uncovered her husband's affair. 13:42 “Emotional Spanx” – Emotions will bulge out somewhere; they cannot be cordoned off. 16:00 What is wholeness? 18:03 How Jessica practiced levity and compassion. How writing helped her to see herself as a character. 23:36 Writing as a technology of healing. 27:00 Some odd, paranormal situations start happening in Jessica's life. 35:44 When starting to share vulnerable stories, it's important who you share with. 36:01 The risk of sharing is real. Jessica's story hits the British tabloids. 40:10 What Jessica is learning about who she is in this season of her life. 42:40 Grief as a dissolution of identity that leads to a reforming. 44:30 Strictly Come Dancing ex-dancer Janette Manrara talks about the pressures of public scrutiny 47:46 Jessica's take on the arm-chair critics. 51:22 Brick of Wisdom 52:29 OUTRO – with a closing comment by Jessica Links Jessica Waite's website Jessica Waite's book. Jessica Waite on Instagram. Mark Silverman's episode (he discusses “Morning Pages”). Rosie Nixon's episode (where she talks about life-changing lists). Full episode of Janette Manrara from Strictly Come Dancing.  

Welcome to the first ever Coaching Corner episode of Enough, the Podcast. These conversations are shorter and focus on a particular challenge. I hope you find them practical and immediately actionable. Coaching Corner episodes will be interspersed between the usual ones, just to spice things up. This week, the work dilemma is around being interrupted – what can you do when that happens? My guest is fellow coach, Alina Addison, author of The Audacity Spectrum: Leading with Care, Courage and Non-Conformity. We offer up some ideas you can try in those challenging conversations.  1:15 Alina's key question if you're being talked over 3:22 Using a gesture – if you're feeling audacious 3:50 The acknowledging tool 5:40 Self-awareness isn't enough – the other lenses to pay attention to 8:26 Check your story 8:34 Recap of the tools and ideas so far 10:52 Alina's Assertiveness Formula 16:09 Kate's boss speaks over her – what could she do? 19:00 Implementing the Assertiveness Formula 21:30 Internal calculations – what's your tolerance level for interruption 28:17 OUTRO Links: Alina Addison's book: The Audacity Spectrum Alina on LinkedIn Alina on Instagram Mandy on LinkedIn Mandy on Instagram  

Have you ever wondered if people in the public eye feel bouts of not-enoughness? And if so, how they handle it?  Janette Manrara is a former pro dancer on Strictly Come Dancing, a television show watched by 12-18 million people each week. Janette now hosts the TV programme, It Takes Two, and recently published Tiny Dancer, Big World: How to find fulfilment from the inside out.  In this conversation, Janette and I discuss her unusual entry into professional dance (her “wiggly career”), her moments of not-enoughness resulting from the rejections along the way, and how she finally learned to relate to moments of imposter syndrome and self-doubt (because – spoiler alert – they never go away). There's a secret insight from Janette in the Outro, so listen to the very end. (3:18) Mandy's experience of ballroom dancing. (6:18) Self-love has been a quest for Janette. (7:31) Janette shares her career moments of not feeling enough. (14:11) LA is the most ruthless place on earth for rejection. (18:57) Janette's first year on Strictly (20:56) Her inner critic and not feeling good enough or liked on the show. (23:26) What Janette would say to her younger self. (24:42) Lenny Kravitz also has bouts of not-enoughness. (25:28) Defensive pessimism and a recap of Janette's points. (27:28) Imposter syndrome – Janette had no “specialty” (32:15) Adam Grant's Overblown Implications Effect, and ‘what are you listening for?' (34:38) Wiggly careers/skill stacking. 38:52 Emma Reid Turrell: 3 reasons your imposter syndrome might get activated. (40:20) How Janette handles moments of imposter syndrome. (44:16) Gratitude (it works, even if it sounds “old hat”). (47:08) The biggest takeaway Janette readers experience from her book. (49:00) Enoughness is a practice. Recap of Janette's practices. (50:36) Janette's Brick of Wisdom. (51:25) Outro and secret bonus insight from Janette on what dance is like for her. LINKS Janette Manrara's book. Janette on Instagram. Mandy Lehto on Instagram. IG video of Lenny Kravitz discussing his moments of self-doubt. Poet Alix Klingenberg on IG. Episode 64 on Imposter Syndrome.  

In this conversation, Emma and I dig into what's keeping us “bound”, overwhelmed, and feeling not-enough. We touch on the types of happiness (Emma's been researching happiness for 20 years) and why a contemplative practice is the foundation of having a more life-affirming relationship with yourself. You'll hear about how people get “committed to burnout,” and how to break out of what Emma calls the “Matrix” that's keeping you stuck and exhausted. There's also a cameo from Dr Anna Lembke, best-selling author of Dopamine Nation, and Stanford professor. Emma and I get into the programs that are running our behaviours and thoughts – including one scenario where a salesperson insulted me, and I opened my wallet, fully aware of what I was doing (and I did it anyway!). Emma, why do we do this? Emma's practical, evidence-based suggestions give you a path back to freedom, energy and your power.  Links Emma Seppälä's website (and books) Emma on Instagram Mandy on Instagram Sky breathing technique Anna Lembke's book, Dopamine Nation  

How many Mondays do you have left? You're about to find out. Coach and author, Jodi Wellman and I hang out with the Grim Reaper in today's conversation. We start with a pre-mortem, a pulse check of where you are right now, while you're still on this side of the lawn. What areas of your life are in the Dead Zone? What teeny tiny steps can you take right now to zhuzh up those parts that are ho-hum? You'll rate yourself on Jodi's Astonishingly Alive quadrant and discover if it's more meaning or fun (or both) that will defibrillate your existence. Uplifting and thought-provoking.  Links Jodi Wellman's website (includes book and QUIZ) Jodi Wellman on Instagram Mandy Lehto on Instagram Zizou and Roger Federer video Episode 62 of Enough, the Podcast We Croak app 3:11 Jodi and Mandy riff on why they think so much about death. 10:11 “Fine” is the most dangerous f-word. The three stooges of bore-out, and how our lives grow stale. 13:06 Only 16.6% of people Jodi polled would feel like they had lived fully if they died tonight. 16:48 Use the pre-mortem to diagnose the “dead zones.” 19:11 Jodi's Astonishingly Alive framework 21:45 Are you Meaningfully Bored or Vitally Empty? 23:52 Jodi's alive-alicious sentence stem to play with. 24:50 Start small – don't go gangbusters! 32:13 Zizou & Roger Federer story. 35:08 The Astonishingly Alive Zone (do we have to live here? Sounds exhausting). 38:38 Sometimes we don't take action on a dream because it's safer to keep it pristine… 43:03 Calculate how many Mondays you have left & Brick of Wisdom  

As a high achiever, you've probably spent your career optimising for productivity, efficiency, and the bottom line. But there comes a time when that old winning formula no longer cuts it. Maybe you've been promoted, or you're leading a bigger team. Maybe you've been told to bring more energy, charisma, and presence to your leadership so that others want to follow you. Research shows that bringing play, fun, and creativity to work can help to retain colleagues, and inspire more innovative ideas. Before you freeze and say, I'm the most un-fun person I know (shriek emoji), stay with me. I promise, there's no juggling or stand-up comedy required. Today's guests are going to teach you how (and WHY) to bring more energy and fun to your leadership. Richard Medcalf is an author and coach who heads CEO circles with fun and a lightness of touch. Consultant clinical neuropsychologist, Dr Antonia Kirkby explains our brains on play, and why you want to be optimising for connection in meetings. The episode is full of ideas you can try right away. Richard Medcalf Dr Antonia Kirkby on LinkedIn Video of the Restaurant of Mistaken Orders. Forbes article, “Elevating Leadership Through the Science of Fun.” Forbes article, “The Forgotten Art of Having Fun.” HBR article, “Leading with Humour.”  

Today's guest is Jen Mann, ex-ballet dancer and co-author of the international best-seller, The Secret Language of the Body. In this conversation we discuss how Jen's early life contributed to the perfectionism, people-pleasing and self-criticism that would ultimately end in chronic illness that traditional medicine was unable to solve. Frustrated and anxious, Jen started connecting the dots between the mind-body cross-over with the clients she was supporting after her ballet career ended. She pieced together insights on how to heal herself by increasing her vagal tone and somatic experiencing, alongside talk therapy and physio. She shares 3 key tips for longer-term healing, as well as 5 practical things you can do right away to decrease your perception of stress during days of back-to-back meetings. 3:52 My childhood was a perfect set up for anxiety 9:21 Jen becomes a professional ballet dancer 13:31 What came after Jen's ballet career  14:50 Jen spots connections between her clients' work stress and their physical pain 16:00 The symptoms she was seeing in her clients – and how her own chronic illness symptoms started 20:50 Unresolved feelings of not-enoughness and emotional repression cause illness 25:40 Jen's body said “Enough!” 28:42 Window of Tolerance 35:17 Conventional medicine didn't work for Jen, and what she discovered instead 39:57 Vagal tone 44:39 Three tips for longer-term change 51:15 Five strategies you can use at work to soothe your nervous system during hectic days 1:03 Jen's Brick of Wisdom Links: Jen Mann and Karden Rabin's website (with book and program) Jen Mann on Instagram Mandy Lehto on Instagram Episode 55 with Tatiana Poliakova

What are sub-routines? Author, coach, and “CEO Whisperer” Jerry Colonna adopts a term from computer programming, referring to the software that runs under an application, likening this to our belief systems laid down early in life. Jerry uses radical self-inquiry on me (unexpectedly) to probe my belief of “I must be constantly productive to be worthy” – a common sub-routine in high-achievers. Jerry invites us to consider the beliefs we've inherited from our ancestors in attempts to belong (as well as the subroutines those ancestors might've been running). How might these sub-routines be running under your leadership? We end with Jerry's suggested practice and the core question to use in your own self-inquiry. The vibe of this episode? Deep, reflective, thought-provoking.  *Explicit. Mentions suicide.  4:03 Mandy's Sedona ancestry experience 9:54 What does ‘belonging' mean? – “To whom do I belong as a white, cis-gender man?” 11:50 Radical self-inquiry 14:55 Who am I? How did I come to be? Why do I do things that I do? 15:24 Sub-routines 17:20 Jerry's career in VC (and working himself to death) 20:25 Examples of sub-routines 24:30 How Jerry worked through his sub-routines 30:00 Jerry does radical self-inquiry on Mandy 35:07 Behaviours persist when they provide a benefit 47:09 Relevance of sub-routines to working life 47:45 Jerry's suggestion of what you can try – his core question to sit with 52:55 Jerry's Brick of Wisdom Links: Jerry Colonna's Reboot website. Jerry Colonna on Instagram. Mandy Lehto on Instagram. Jerry Colonna on LinkedIn. Gay Hendricks's book The Big Leap.  

What is high-functioning anxiety? Dr Lalitaa Suglani takes us through everything you need to know – how HFA shows up day to day; where it comes from; and what you can do if you think you might have HFA. Dr Suglani is an award-winning psychologist and author of High-Functioning Anxiety: A 5-step guide to calming the inner panic and thriving (Hay House). We get into Dr Lalitaa's own story of how HFA masked her dyslexia, ADHD, and how perfectionism and people-pleasing were running her life. She shares key actions you can start implementing right away if you recognize HFA in your own life. Poignant and practical. Join us! 1:43 What is HFA? 3:14 What would you be seeing day to day at work with something who has HFA?  4:28 Does HFA show up the same way for men and women? 6:38 Where HFA might come from. 8:06 Lalitaa's own story. 15:48 Steps to kick off the “unlearning” part of the process. 19:51 Noticing when you're catastrophising, and when dysregulation. Shadow work. 22:35 Conscious change. Learning to connect with the body. 26:13 How to sit in difficult emotions. 29:45 Coaching question 1 about people pleasing, being taken advantage of, and resentment. How to shift this. 32:22 Coaching question 2 about fear of confrontation and never learning to use one's voice. 38:18 Coaching question 3 about having ridiculously high standards. Lowering those standards feels like “I can't hack it.” Intention instead of anxiety. 39:46 Lalitaa's brick of wisdom. Links: Dr Lalitaa Suglani's website and book Dr Lalitaa on Instagram Dr Mandy Lehto on Instagram Dr Lalitaa on LinkedIn  Dr Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn  

  Where did you learn how to be a woman who worked too much? Who modelled it? And if you don't identify as a woman, stay tuned. The women in your life are likely overwhelmed and constantly doing – this episode will help you to understand why.  Tamu Thomas is a former social worker, and now a coach and author of Women Who Work Too Much. In this conversation Tamu and Mandy discuss toxic positivity and self-abandonment, and where these can come from (Tamu shares how she learned to overachieve in her Sierra Leonean family). You'll also learn how to reclaim rest and regenerative selfcare, and how Grace Jones championed Tamu through hard times (Grace is available for pep talks, by the way). Mandy gives Tamu three real-life coaching scenarios to unpack. Insightful, powerful and radically practical. 2:06 How Tamu learned to work too much 6:37 Toxic Productivity 10:34 Self-abandonment – “It's not your fault” 11:45 Being “nice” means it's okay to feel bad, but not to look bad 12:46 How we learn to ignore our needs in favour of people pleasing 13:41 Tamu's late diagnosed ADHD 15:28 Women and ambition; bossy leadership 17:46 The antidote to self-abandonment is safe community 19:23 Grace Jones gives Tamu pep talks 21:42 Post-traumatic growth and compassion 23:45 Regenerative selfcare – What is it? Why it matters 26:40 Boundaries 28:04 Regenerative selfcare in action 28:50 Good girl conditioning and stepping into bold womanhood 30:58 Regenerative selfcare is reading about political policies and voting 32:46 Coaching question 1: Corporate Armadillo. Woman in her 50s, has spent her corporate career armoured up. Wants to change 36:40 Coaching question 2: Woman of colour in her 40s who's a people pleaser 40:35 Coaching question 3: I'm a midlife corporate lawyer and I've given myself to my job and my kids. I miss ME. 44:08 Tamu's Brick of Wisdom 44:40 Outro LINKS: Tamu Thomas' website and book. Tamu on Instagram Mandy on Instagram  

Episode 74: Overcoming Psychological Exhaustion, with Rosie Nixon You're not completely burnt out, or incapacitated by work, but you know that something's not quite right. Perhaps you're more tired than usual, or you're having other niggling signs, but you carry on. These things pass; they always do – until they don't. That's what happened to Rosie Nixon, author, coach, and former editor of Hello! magazine, whose career — however covetable and glamorous — was starting to feel too much.   Rosie shares the pivotal moment when she knew something had to change. What followed was her getting signed off work and a diagnosis of Psychological Exhaustion (she takes us into that doctor's appointment and shares what she learned). We get into Rosie's journey of separating her identity from Hello! magazine, and how she's navigating her drive with a desire for a more spacious, values-driven life in her late 40s. Real, raw, and radically practical.  Links: Rosie Nixon's website. Guardian article on breaking the burnout cycle. Telegraph article we refer to (subscription required). Rosie Nixon on Instagram. Mandy Lehto on Instagram.  

Episode 73:  Unlearning Silence with Dr. Elaine Lin Hering   Have you ever received the feedback to “speak up” at work? Say more in meetings. Turn up the volume. It sounds so easy but speaking up isn't always that straightforward – or welcomed. Today's guest is Elaine Lin Hering, author of Unlearning Silence: How to speak your mind, unleash talent and lead with courage. She's been a lecturer at Harvard Law School, and a Managing Partner at a global leadership development firm. Elaine's clients have included Nike, Google and Pixar. We deep-dive into silence — how we silence ourselves, how we silence others, and how it's baked into the system. You'll learn that there's often good reason to stay silent in some corporate situations — politics, power dynamics, challenging individuals. Un-silencing yourself can be especially challenging if you're not from the dominant culture... This conversation feels like master-class--meets mentoring--meets real life coaching session.  We discuss: A scenario where an executive feels publicly undermined by her boss, and his feedback (when she brings it up) is to increase her confidence and toughen up. A scenario where a senior executive has helped a new colleague and shared her client base, and now he's getting all the visibility (she doesn't feel she's one to speak up and address it). A newly promoted Partner feels like the token woman on the senior leadership team…Have they only promoted me because I'm female? LINKS: Elaine Lin Hering's website and book Elaine on LinkedIn Mandy on LinkedIn  

If you've ever achieved a big goal, was it everything you'd hoped? Probably not. Callum Wilson dreamt of representing England's national rugby team since he was a kid, but when it happened, it didn't change his life the way he'd hoped. Sidebar: This is NOT an episode about rugby. It's a powerful, tender conversation about how a tattooed, 113kg overachiever handled “arrival fallacy” – the concept that if we just achieve that big goal, THEN we'll be happy. You'll learn why diversifying your “goal portfolio” can create a positive shift, and how to handle the negative inner chatter when it insists you're not enough.  Links: Callum Wilson on LinkedIn. NYT article on Arrival Fallacy, with Dr Ben-Shahar  

You've heard of burnout, but ever heard of bore-out? Apparently, it's a leading cause of why people leave their jobs. I'm not talking about things feeling a bit drab. I'm talking about the loss of meaning in your work, and the adverse effects this can have on your mental and physical wellbeing. As you become more senior, maybe your days are full of admin, politics, and none of the juicy stuff that used to light you up. In today's episode you'll meet Kristi Turner, a former tech CMO, whose work stress was mainly due to boredom. Kristi took a pause from work, had a “Soulbbatical” (more on this in the episode), and found a new-found vigour to re-enter the corporate in a way that felt more aligned with her values. You'll also meet Shelley Paxton, former CMO of Harley Davidson and founder of the Soulbbatical, who gives you some techniques to tackle bore-out – no resignation letter required. Pacey and practical, you'll leave this episode tooled up, and (hopefully) enlivened. Join us! Links: Kristi Turner's website. Shelley Paxton's website. Soulbbatical book. Brené Brown's list of values. Forbes article: Why boredom at work is more dangerous than burnout. BBC article with Dr Lotta Harju's comments. Mandy Lehto on Instagram.  

Do you have BLS? (Beige Leadership Syndrome). I just made that up, but it's a thing. If you work in corporate, you know the meetings that are soda-cracker dry. The BS buzzwords. The slow death by Power Point. The lack of relatable, inspiring leaders at the top. What gives? Enter Erin Hatzikostas, ex-CEO turned author, TEDx speaker, podcaster and coach-sultant. We talk about how to start practicing authentic leadership, and before you roll your eyes, or think you know what that means, strap in for the ride. This is authenticity as you've never experienced it. You'll leave with some radically practical ways to experiment with authentic leadership, and a new, life-changing tool: the 50% rule. I think I can safely say, this episode will rid the corporate world of BLS. Join us. You career will thank you.     Links:   Erin Hatzikostas's website. Please watch her cool 2min video! Erin on LinkedIn. Mandy on LinkedIn. Me on Erin's podcast (episode 233).

Dr Jeff Spencer is the man behind more than forty Olympic gold medals, and stellar performances by Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, and many other elite performers who are household names. In today's conversation, you'll get a sneak peek at some of the techniques Jeff uses with them. Hint, hint – it's NOT more striving or hyper-focus. You'll learn to do “Chameleon Eyes”, a process that opens more opportunities and more of your untapped potential. You'll also learn to shift gears from striving into receivership, and how “resonant recognition” can be a new navigation system in your life. This is especially important as you leave your 30s, the decade of “conquest and acquisition.” Wise, experienced, and just the right amount of intense, Jeff will challenge how you go about success.   Links: Dr Jeff Spencer's website. Jeff on LinkedIn. Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn. Dr David Yudis on LinkedIn. David Brooks' book, The Second Mountain.

Want to learn the real deal on your inner critic from a Stanford-trained neuroscientist? You're in luck. Today's guest is Dr Irene Salter, whose inner critic (named Draco) was taking too much airtime in Irene's life. You'll hear Irene's hypothesis on where the inner critic comes from. Then she takes us through a real-life scenario of how she turned the volume down on Draco. You'll learn about popcorn brain – and my favourite part of the episode, how to connect with your subconscious brain to find out what the heck is going on with that inner voice and the extreme behaviours it demands of you. Lab coats at the ready.    Links:     Microsoft research on short breaks for your brain    Dr Irene Salter's website    Irene on Instagram    Mandy on Instagram 

When work isn't working, it's easy to question yourself, “Why can't I hack it? What's wrong with me?” Maybe you're feeling stagnant, exhausted, or even burnt out. Is it a capacity issue or are you high net growth? (stay tuned for what that means). I'm in conversation with award-winning author and podcaster, Jenny Blake. During her career at Google, she looked at her management and thought, “I don't want that job.” If you're languishing, and can't see a way forward, what do you do? Jenny offers a refreshing perspective on our obsession with promotions, and what she calls “the sea of shiny shoulds.” You'll learn about project-based purpose, how you can “turn into a goo” after leaving a company that has brand halo, and why an energy audit can be a big reveal. Join us.     Links: Jenny Blake on Substack Pivot podcast episode with Mandy Lehto Article on Languishing NYT article on Languishing, Adam Grant (subscription required)

If you love an act of kindness, this episode is gonna feel like lowering yourself into a hot mug of chocolate, with itty bitty marshmallows. Acts of kindness have proven health effects, but I've also noticed something else. They are a splendid antidote to feeling self-critical, not enough, and being too zoomed in on your own inner world. This episode originally aired in 2021, and I loved it so much, I wanted to give it a second life. I asked a bunch of guests back to the pod to share a collection of acts of kindness – either given or received – and the impact it had on them. Warm fuzzies guaranteed.   Links: BBC article with University of British Columbia research.    

Former litigator (and firefighter) Shannon Sedlacek is back by popular demand. She featured in episode 53, one of the most downloaded episodes of the year. She's back to share what happened to her identity when she was forced to leave her impressive job. She shares how her sense of self shifted so dramatically, that at one point, she didn't even want to be alive. She also shares the two things that helped her transcend those difficult times. You'll hear a cameo from a previous guest. You'll also hear what I learned from a man in burgundy robes that messed with my thinking. If you're highly identified with your job, but know deep down that you have a tough choice ahead, this episode is for YOU.    Links: Shannon Sedlacek's website. Gelong Thubten's book. Jessica Maguire's website. Nicole LePera's workbook. Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

If you've ever downplayed your success at work, felt like you didn't belong, or attributed your career wins to luck, you've likely experienced Imposter Syndrome. Stats show that 70 per cent of us have experienced its wily grip at some stage of our careers. In this fast-paced solo episode I share three key things that might be causing imposter syndrome in your life. We'll also explore what might be GOOD about it, and what three-step technique you can try when you're feeling it. I'm also curious if the term itself is outdated (it originated in the 1970s). Oh, you're wondering about the banana. You'll hear how a banana kicked off a shame cycle for me. True story.     Links: Mandy's imposter syndrome QUIZ. How the Queen would eat a banana. YouGov stats on Brits and imposter syndrome. Stats 70 per cent have felt imposter syndrome. KPMG research. Emma Reed Turrell on podcast (refers to Visibility, Novelty, Minority). Stylist article with MIT prof quotes. HBR article: Stop telling women they have imposter syndrome.

If you've ever been labelled too loud, too intense, TOO MUCH, this episode is for you. I'm in conversation with two guests who, for years, felt the need to shrink themselves to be more acceptable for others.   You'll meet Karen Goldfinger Baker, who had a stellar career in fund-raising, and now coaches pro athletes and executives at organizations such as Apple and Disney. You'll also meet Dr Sarah Madigan, author and clinical psychologist, who leads coaching groups that look ridiculously fun.   Both women share where their too-much beliefs came from, and how they've learned to relate to that belief differently, letting their authenticity shine through. You'll learn techniques from Sarah with her clinical psychologist hat on in case you've been holding back, worried about being too much.   Trigger warning: There is mention of childhood sexual abuse, and the death of a baby.   Dr Sarah Madigan's website. Karen Goldfinger Baker's website.

You've spent decades making sacrifices and pushing yourself towards success. You love the thrill of the chase. But lately you noticed that you're just not that into it. The bonuses, shiny things and lures of more status and power leave you flat, and you can't explain it. You're a little bored, maybe even burnt out. How do you get your spark back? That niggle in your gut is telling you to pay attention, but you're afraid to listen to it. In this solo episode, I put my coach hat on and offer three invitations to recalibrate your thinking. Big change can feel terrifying, so let's start smaller, by thinking through some foundational questions that might jiggle loose a new perspective.     Links: Arthur Brooks' book David Brooks' book A More Exciting Life Sahil Bloom's newsletter Article on growth without goals Episode 46 of Enough, the Podcast Mandy on Instagram

Anger feels like the baddie of emotions. Many of us deal with anger by numbing it, or pushing it down, hoping it'll magically disappear. But it's still there, trapped in the body. Instead of stuffing it down, let's talk about anger, and learn a more effective way of processing it. Today's guest is Dr Caroline Boyd, Chartered Clinical Psychologist and author who is frequently quoted in the press on women's rage and maternal anger. We focus more generally on anger in this conversation, whether or not you're a mom (or even a parent). You'll learn how our complex relationship to anger starts early. You'll learn practical ways to manage those ‘flip your lid' moments, and why you're encouraged to start turning TOWARDS your anger, instead of pushing it away (counterintuitive and brilliant!) Join us.     Links: Dr Caroline Boyd's website. Caroline's Workshop Caroline on Instagram. Dr Dan Siegel explains flipping your lid. Guardian article (including Rage Rooms). Soraya Chemaly's TED talk.

Are you addicted to the buzz of work — the pace, the adrenaline, the excitement? The insidious thing about work addiction is that it's often praised by others, giving it a very different “feel” than being addicted, say, to cocaine or pornography.   In today's episode, you'll learn how we become addicted to work — is it the result of childhood trauma, for instance? How do we know if work has become an addiction? And if it has, what can we do about it?   My guest is Dr Anna Lembke, professor of psychiatry at Stanford University. She's a world-leading expert on addiction, and is also the author of the New York Times bestseller, Dopamine Nation: Finding balance in an age of indulgence. Practical and thought-provoking. Join us!   Anna's book, Dopamine Nation.

“I just need to get through this project, and then I'll slow down.” Who knows that lie?    You can love your job AND still be exhausted by it. Today I'm talking about the exhaustion during those ultra-intense periods when we push down the red flags from our body.    My guest is former Disney executive, Dr David Yudis. Disney is the happiest place on earth. It's a place with no limits – as he discovered.    In his early 40s, David was living the dream in that buzzy, chronically exhausted state. “I just need to get through till the holidays…and THEN, I'll recover.” David's body had other plans.   In this episode you'll learn about the hot little motor burning underneath David's relentless drive (I did not see that one coming!)   You'll get three takeaways from David's experience that you can apply to your own life right away. Join us.       Links:   Book: On Self-Hatred (School of Life)   David Yudis' website   Mandy Lehto's website  

Author and psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler and I dig into self-criticism, judgment, and comparison.   I share a real-life scene from a “Wild Woman” retreat, and what a cringey conversation (involving a sarong and hand-held mirror) taught me about how I handle challenging situations. I suspect this will be a useful insight for you too.    How do you speak to yourself when you're WAY out of your comfort zone? If you're listening to this podcast, I suspect your inner voice ain't exactly Mary Poppins. If you're critical of yourself and others, what can you do? Katherine shares a technique that you can action right away. I've been trying it all week. Solid gold! Links:   Katherine Morgan Schafler's website. Katherine on Instagram. Mandy on Instagram. Mandy on LinkedIn.

Have we got perfectionism all wrong? Is it something that we need to eradicate? Today's guest is Katherine Morgan Schafler, psychotherapist, and former on-site therapist at Google. In her new book, The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, Katherine says we don't need to “recover” from perfectionism to be happy and successful. We need to learn how to be with it in a way that empowers us. You'll learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism (and how to course correct, when it's the latter). You'll also learn about the five types of perfectionists, and which one you might be. This is part one of my two-part conversation with Katherine.     LINKS Types of Perfectionist Quiz BBC article Katherine Morgan Schafler's website Katherine on Instagram Mandy on Instagram Sarah Norrad episode Mandy Lehto's website

Maybe you're purchasing status markers, like red-bottomed shoes or the latest gadgets to signal your success (and hey, no judgement! I do it too!) Maybe the title and the pay reaffirm your identity. You tell yourself that “one day” you'll arrive at a certain paygrade or career milestone, and THEN you won't need the validation anymore. THEN success will feel different. Less empty and fleeting. Uh huh.   I'm in conversation with Shelley Paxton, ex-Chief Marketing Officer of Harley Davidson, and Tracy Yates, ex-CEO of an 8-figure marketing agency, serving brands like Google and Amazon. They were success-FULL but felt hollow inside. What does it look like to start redefining success, decades into an established career? And how do you start weaning yourself off of external validation?   You'll learn how both women did the inner work and loosened the grip of external validation. The best part? You can start playing with their ideas right away, without leaving your job.  Links: Shelley Paxton's book, Soulbbatical. Shelley's TEDx talk. Shelley's website. Shelley on Instagram. Tracy Yates' website. Tracy Yates on Instagram. Brené Brown's VALUES sheet. Arthur Brooks' article on satisfaction. Arthur Brooks' article on choosing specialness over happiness. Mandy Lehto's website. Mandy on Instagram.

When you've spent years in survival mode at work, your body starts perceiving this as normal. A recent article in Forbes mentions a new profile of burnt-out employees, the ‘engaged-exhausted.' They continue to function at the highest levels, but inside they're highly stress and have mixed feelings about their careers. Why do some people continue to push themselves to breaking point? I'm in conversation with Tatiana Poliakova, ex-Managing Director at Nomura, an investment bank. Tatiana was addicted to success and adrenalin, but her body started sending up flares. You'll also meet Consultant Clinical Neuropsychologist, Dr Antonia Kirkby, who explains why someone who is highly identified with the status and the buzz of the job, can lose touch with red flags from their bodies. Join us. Your nervous system will thank you.   Links: Tatiana Poliakova's website. Forbes article on the “engaged-exhausted.” Dr Antonia Kirkby on Instagram. Jessica Maguire on Instagram. Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

What happens to your sense of self when you leave an important job at an iconic brand? It can feel like a loss of identity when the corporate perks and the business card are gone. There can be grief, relief, and a cocktail of other emotions. In today's episode, you'll hear from three women who left big jobs at Nike, Rothschild, and IBM. You'll hear their unfiltered truths about the discombobulation they faced, and what the mess of figuring out next steps felt like. You'll also learn some techniques to try if you're on this journey of separating your sense of self from what you do.     LINKS: Dr Neil Talkoff's quote in the HBR. See also for Difficult Conversations book. Megan Carle's book. Find Alina Addison. Sahil Bloom's deathbed regrets exercise. Mandy Lehto's website. Mandy Lehto on IG. Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn.

You've spent years pursuing a career, and it's been tough. Then again, so are you. You're exhausted, and your mental health is fraying. But you can't even contemplate upending your life now that the money's good and you've got status and titles. Sound familiar? Today's guest, Shannon Sedlacek, was a litigation attorney whose career looked enviable from the outside. On the inside, she was barely holding it together. She tells her powerful story of (literally) falling off the career ladder, and the insights that bubbled up during her forced reflection time as she recovered. You'll learn how she dealt with her over-achiever and feelings of not-enoughness as she navigated into her next, very different career. You'll also hear her advice for YOU if you're on the golden gerbil wheel, wondering how long this can go on. Poignant and practical. Oh, and there's some spicy language, so headphone up and join us.      Links: Shannon Sedlacek's website. Mandy Lehto on Instagram. School of Life book that Mandy reads from.

Black. Gay. Christian. Shermain Melton spent much of his life hiding his sexual orientation and not feeling good enough. In this powerful 26-minute episode, you'll learn how Shermain spent years trying to push down his truth so that he'd fit in. One day he returned home to find his room upside down, bed flipped, drawers turned out, and he knew his truth was out. Shermain faced his biggest fear (tune in to hear how it went!) Learn how he took the powerful lessons of owning who he was, including his fears and vulnerabilities, and how he leads from this messy, imperfect place. Moving and highly practical. Join us.   Links: Article referring to University of Southern Illinois research. Shermain Melton's website. Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

Why is it so hard to put yourself out there? – especially if you're prone to feelings of imposter syndrome and perfectionism. Before I share some tips and tricks from today's expert, let's go deeper on what might be influencing your feelings around visibility. What social, cultural, and familial aspects might be at play? This bit was a game-changer for me. You too, I hope! Then I invite Darrah Brustein, business coach and strategist, to get radically practical. She shares some techniques you can action right away at work. If you're new here, welcome. I'm Dr Mandy Lehto, executive coach, and recovering perfectionist and overachiever. This is a show for anyone whose life looks shiny and successful from the outside, but inside, you're burnt out and wondering how long this can go on.   So back to today's episode… *Cue up the Olivia Newton John vocals: Let's get visible. Visible. I wanna get visible. Sorry. I had to. The episode is serious, I promise. Press play and join us!     Darrah Brustein on IG.   Anita Feron Clark on IG.   Kanchan Prinsloo on LinkedIn.   Reshma Saujani's TED talk.   Lisa Olivera's article.

To celebrate my 50th episode, we're having a quick but deep-n-real conversation about how some of the changes in middle life might be stirring up feelings of not-enoughness. If your self-identity is based on your appearance, your heroic work ethic, and success after dazzling success at the office, what happens when those pillars start shifting? I share why Jennifer Lopez inspired this episode, and why perfectionists and success addicts can have a particularly challenging time in mid-life. We end on a high note, when I reveal what truly makes a life well-lived. It's not status, promotions, or money…Join us to find out more.     Mark Hyman's podcast with Robert Waldinger. Jennifer Lopez article in Vogue. Arthur Brooks' website. Sarah Normandin's episode, (she's the Imperfection Specialist).

Today's guest is Darrah Brustein, a coach and business strategist who has interviewed the likes of Seth Godin, Bobbi Brown, Adam Grant, Jen Sincero, and Shaquille O'Neal. She's also one of my coaches!   We do the conversational equivalent of the Christmas Cracker, a festive custom in Britain, dating back to Victorian times. A modern-day cracker usually contains a ridiculous paper hat, a corny joke, and something useful, like a key ring, or dice.    Darrah and I share our wisdom of 2022 – a learning with “bang,” something useful we've onboarded or purchased, a discussion (paper hats on, of course) of how to take ourselves less seriously, and our best Christmas jokes for you to inflict on your own holiday gathering. Delight your teens!   The cracker theme is a fun wrapper for a deep, yet light, conversation to help you reflect on your year. Take a nourishing break from the merry-making to join us for this final episode of Enough, the podcast, for 2022.         Darrah's website. Darrah on Instagram. Arthur Brooks' website. Goodbye 2022 Hello 2023 Guided Journal. Mandy on Instagram.

You dream of reconnecting with the things you once loved. Erm, what were those things again? For years, it's been all about work, and managing an array of things and other people. You've all but disappeared. You're busy and getting busier. Something's got to give, and you're afraid it might be you.   That's what happened to today's guest, Paden Hughes. She was a CEO navigating the pandemic, with two small kids in tow. She shares how she went from face planting of exhaustion and burnout on her kitchen floor, to creating a life that's no longer built on the hustle and grind.    Prepare to have your thinking challenged around creating spaciousness, no matter how busy and important you are. No fairy tale godmothers were involved.    Join us!   Paden Hughes' website. Paden on Instagram. Mandy Lehto on Instagram. Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn. Dr Mark Goulston's episode. Charlotte Fowles' episode.

You're an overachiever. Maybe you're often referred to as a badass. Everyone's in awe of how much you get done, and how in control of life you seem to be – and admittedly, that admiration feels good. In fact, you live for it. What almost nobody knows is that you're fizzling with anxiety, up at night ruminating on things, quick to anger, and you struggle to relax. We're discussing High Functioning Anxiety (HFA). It's not an officially recognized diagnosis, because the person continues to function – quite well, in fact. That doesn't mean the struggles with anxious thoughts and feelings aren't real, or even debilitating. My guest is adventurer and coach, Charlotte Fowles, who is no stranger to overachieving and busy-ness addiction. Charlotte experienced a decade of trauma, including divorce, depression and cancer, which meant she had to change her overachieving ways. She now helps executives and leaders to manage their own inner challenges, including HFA. Sidebar: We also debunk the concept of badassery as looking like you've got everything together. So fun! Join us for this thought-provoking and radically practical conversation.   Daisy Goodwin's article on HFA in the Times. Ellen Hendriksen's book: How to be yourself. Brené Brown's Atlas of the Heart. Charlotte Fowles' website. Charlotte Fowles on IG. Mark Silverman's episode. Mandy Lehto on IG.

This is an experiment! I'm bringing together some key moments from a selection of episodes in the show. These clips were chosen based on listener feedback or moments that made me think, wow, that was something special. I'll guide you through some heart-opening stories and wisdom drops that'll hopefully make this a feel-good episode, and a self-compassion refresher. You'll get the gist of episodes you may have missed, and even if you've heard every single one, you'll be reminded of a few key things: How to worry less about messing up and what people think about you; remembering that you are not broken; and understanding that wholeness is not about perfection. Mostly, I'm hoping you'll feel freer, more okay with yourself, and less alone as you listen to these shares today.   Once you've listened, let me know if you like this format, which I'm thinking of adding now and again (hello@mandylehto.com).

You're setting more boundaries. You're using your voice more than ever before. Something's rising inside of you. But setting boundaries and standing in your power challenges existing dynamics – meaning not everyone's going to be delighted by your new-found voice. How do we build that inner robustness as we start speaking more of our truth? — especially with the inevitable criticism, conflict and occasional meanness that'll happen. How do we start building our capacity to hold not being liked or agreed with? — especially if this is what you've been encouraged to do since childhood. In this solo episode, I invite you to consider why you might hesitate to speak up in the first place. I also share a practice you can try when you're in a situation that feels challenging.   Practical and immediately implementable. Join us!     Tara Brach's book, Radical Acceptance. Kasia Urbaniak's book, Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power. Mandy Lehto on Instagram

If you've ever been told something unkind, and it still replays in your head years later, this episode is for you.    Maybe you internalized someone's rude comment about your nose being too big, and ever since that, it's something you secretly fixate on.   Or maybe someone did something to you, and you've carried that painful experience because you didn't know how to stand up for yourself.    So, you're holding the shame around it, not knowing why – or how to dislodge it. You might be wondering, how did this become MY problem to hold?   This conversation explores why those hurtful words and experiences stick, particularly if you've grown up not feeling good enough. My favourite part is what we can do to heal and release those hurts.   I'm in conversation with Sara Milne Rowe, author, podcaster and performance coach.    We get real about the verbal sticks and stones that've been hurled at us — and how we're finally choosing to release them.    Gritty, honest, and freeing. Join us.         Sara's website: https://www.coachingimpact.co.uk/who-we-are   Sara's podcast: https://www.coachingimpact.co.uk/better-under-pressure   Dr Caroline Leaf on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/CjVLSbULpnb/

Are you scared of being “ordinary”? — as if that relegates you to the dull, low-achieving, not-living-life-to-the full bucket. Or maybe you're afraid of failing, so you only do things you're already good at. You'd love to take more risks, but only if you don't look bad. Or maybe you're scared of really shining bright, because that would mean you're a bit full of yourself. So, you dim your light and play it safe. If any of these conundrums have you nodding, you're in the right place. I'm doing a Q&A with author and clinical psychologist, Michaela Thomas. Michaela specialises in perfectionism and helping busy, stressed-out people find balance over burnout. She also runs the Pause Purpose Play podcast. You'll learn where the pressure to be extraordinary can come from. You'll learn techniques to take the sting out of failure. And you'll consider if you're dimming your light with your accomplishments, even if you are pushing so hard for success.   Join us! Practical and pacey. Michaela is a real delight.   Michaela Thomas' website: https://thethomasconnection.co.uk Michaela on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection/ Cristiano Ronaldo video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H_DSErYUZk Catherine Gray's book: https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Joy-Ordinary-Catherine-Gray/dp/1783253371/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1664287683&sr=8-4 Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap: https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1664207990&sr=8-1 Quiz on Mandy's website: https://mandylehto.com/quiz-waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop/ Me on Michaela's podcast: https://thethomasconnection.podbean.com/e/overcoming-perfectionism-with-mandy-lehto/

You're someone who holds yourself to ridiculously high standards, and there's a weird sort of pride in that. You're known for going the extra mile. It's helped to make you successful. What happens when the ideals that you hold yourself to become unsustainable? How do you reconcile the very human feelings that you're experiencing with the image of who you think you have to be? Today's guest is author and psychotherapist Anna Mathur. She has featured in the Daily Telegraph, Marie Claire, Stylist, Mother and Baby, and on BBC Radio 4's Women's Hour, amongst others. Her most recent book is The Little Book of Calm for Mums. We do touch on parenthood, but this episode is much wider. You'll learn about self-acceptance. It sounds so unsexy, I know. Sorry ‘bout that. AND I think you're really doing to dig Anna's take on this.  You'll learn about the Fish Oil Burp Effect, a new term we coined — that alone is worth listening for. And you'll learn two tools that'll help if you struggle with the impeccable standards that you set for yourself.   Anna's funny, relatable, and wise. Join us!     Anna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/annamathur/ Anna's website: https://www.annamathur.com   The Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.