Podcasts about Liz Lemon

First actual mix in a long time, hope you guys enjoy. This is my first mix with 99.9% Original -Ū. music only with the exception of the intro for dramatic effect. Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks for listening. Here's a screenplay of enter the multiverse to coincide with the commemoration of the SNL 50's anniversary/ L E G E N D S crossover. Fun Fact: The First appearence of Liz Lemon in this show {Enter The Multiverse} is in season one, which first aired in May of 2021. The 1st and subsequent seasons will soon be avalible for reading and listening on my website https://www.iamu.guru. Enjoy this mix and the avaliable downloads you'll find there and stay tuned for upcoming stuff. Just a reminder, all of my content is totally free for download. If you enjoy this series, drop a like and subscribe and follow on your favorite streaming platforms and all of my channels. Thanks for your continued support and listens/reads. Happy Passover; blessings and peace to you. -blu. INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP - DAY The cramped, metallic interior of an alien spacecraft. Two bizarre, multi-limbed ALIENS are locked in a furious argument. The sounds are not words, but a cacophony of distorted electronic noises. ALIEN 1 (A series of rapid, high-pitched BLIPS and WHIRS) ALIEN 2 (A deep, guttural GROWL followed by a drawn-out, wavering TONE) ALIEN 1 BLIM-BLIM-BLIM-BLIM— FLAU—FLAU—FLAU! ALIEN 2 —————EeeeeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEENNMMMMMMMMMNGGGGGGGGG!!! ALIEN 1 Wfuh! Alien 2 makes a highly offensive hand gesture. Alien 1 responds with a highly offensive gesture using another body part. Suddenly, RACHEL DRATCH, dressed impeccably and radiating an air of cool detachment, enters the scene and calmly observes the arguing aliens. RACHEL DRATCH (To herself, almost a whisper) Well, this is… something. CUT TO: INT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA - SUNNI BLU'S OFFICE - DAY SUNNI BLU, sharp and impeccably dressed, stares with wide eyes at a ridiculously large ELECTRICITY BILL. Sunlight streams through the massive windows overlooking Rockefeller Plaza. SUNNI BLU (Muttering) Since when did keeping the lights on cost this much? Absorbing ConEd was supposed to *save* money. Suddenly, a disembodied VOICE echoes in the room. VOICE (V.O.) You will fail this test. SUNNI BLU (Startled) There's a test?! What test?! VOICE (V.O.) It came with a lesson— you didn't think there was going to be a test. CUT TO: EXT. THE LONELY ISLAND CLIFF - DAY ANDY (ALEKSI), dressed in surprisingly clean white robes despite the precarious location, stands on the edge of a towering cliff overlooking a vast ocean. He takes a running leap off the edge. ANDY —NO… He plummets downwards for a beat. Then, with a gentle WHOOSH, he lands perfectly upright on the sandy beach below. ANDY (CONT'D) I told you I could stick the landing. ALEKSI (V.O.) It wasn't always The Lonely Island… CUT TO: INT. HEAVENLY WAITING ROOM - DAY ALEKSI (ANDY SANDBERG), now with subtle, mischievous angelic wings, winks directly at the camera. ALEKSI guardian angel. TINA (O.S.) Whatever. Tina FEY, also with small, slightly more exasperated-looking wings, enters. ALEKSI winks extra harder at her. ALEKSI Hello. TINA Oh my God! ALEKSI I wish! At this point, I wish— unfortunately, those aren't the types of wishes I'm in charge of overseeing. A large, ornate PACKAGE appears unexpectedly at TINA's feet. TINA (CONT'D) When something appears unexpectedly at your doorstep, it's called a windfall, right? ALEKSI Yeah. I think that's what this is. TINA And when it's something you really need, it's a gift from God. Isn't it? ALEKSI Something like that. TINA Honestly, I thought it was just a gentler way of letting me know I was ugly— after a particularly horrible photo opportunity at the airport. ALEKSI —wow. TINA I had just been up for 72 plus hours straight and only slept something like 4 or 5–but of course— FLASHBACK: INT. AIRPORT SECURITY - EARLY MORNING A haggard and disheveled TINA sits slumped on a lopsided BEANBAG in the middle of the bustling security line. Bright lights shine in her face as various machines WHIR and BEEP, scanning her. TINA (V.O.) This was staggered sleep from atop a lopsided beanbag. TINA (Muttering) Agh, God! TINA (V.O.) I've been getting used to having lights shined in my face for awhile now. Still, I was not so ready for a full work up of my biometrics in this early morning crusade to Los Angeles. A stern-faced AGENT approaches her. AGENT The Agency thought you were terminally ill. TINA Terminally? Geez. The AGENT clears his throat. AGENT Consider this as, ah— Hm. Ojo translates directly to Eye. Doesn't it? TINA I see you. AGENT Undoubtedly. —an incentives. TINA I don't need anymore incentives, Captain. I need income. AGENT Oh, I'm the captain now? TINA You were always the captain. AGENT This is news to me. TINA News to the News. That's something new. AGENT Nothing is new. TINA But it's news to you. Sarcasm. I need a paycheck. AGENT Try looking pretty. TINA I tried. It didn't work. AGENT Try…harder. TINA (V.O.) New York had put spots and marks on my faces— a broken blood vessel from fighting some demonized African girl— and I'm sure that was what she was, after all… FLASHBACK: INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT TINA is struggling in a bizarre fight with a shadowy FIGURE. The scene has a surreal, “As Seen On TV” commercial feel. VOICEOVER (V.O.) Who tries to kill you, and then does their hair to be more like yours? That's major weird. TINA Major Tom. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah. TINA (V.O.) Then again, since moving to New York… Oh, Holy shit. Everything is major weird. A shimmering PORTAL opens in the middle of the apartment. TITLE CARD: AS SEEN ON TV: PART III TINA (Staring at the portal) Where the fuck is part one and two?! SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it starts at three! TINA Nothing “starts at three” SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it's like Star Wars! TINA It's not like Star Wars! A CATACLYSMIC SPACESHIP COLLISION and EXPLOSION sound effect. TINA (CONT'D) …it's not like Star Wars. SHADOWY FIGURE Uh huh. It's better than star wars. A giant collective GASP is heard. TINA -_- *the world stops* TINA (CONT'D) -_- Suddenly, all sound ceases. TINA (CONT'D) Woah. That's different. SHADOWY FIGURE There: I fixed overpopulation. TINA But— SHADOWY FIGURE But what? I fixed it. TINA But— weren't some of those fans, also fans of this show. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah, so? TINA Like an overwhelming majority. SHADOWY FIGURE Majority? Yeah— they're— These are nerds. TINA Fuck. Right. So where did you send them?! SHADOWY FIGURE Uh. Only to heaven. TINA What does that mean. SHADOWY FIGURE Heaven for any Star Wars fan— TINA Where is that. SHADOWY FIGURE The world where all of that stuff— is real. TINA What—what do you mean by that. SHADOWY FIGURE I sent them to Star World. TINA That sounds so fucking gay. SHADOWY FIGURE Cause it is. TINA Fuck. Oh, that's right— Non-star wars fans are sometimes Cynics Read: Major fucking assholes. I guess I fall into that category, eh— a little bit? SHADOWY FIGURE No duh. TINA “No duh.” What part of the nineties was your heyday? SHADOWY FIGURE All of them. TINA Jesus, Tina. You might be ancient. SHADOWY FIGURE I'm dust. TINA Hey— What. Why are you my assistant now. SHADOWY FIGURE Assistant? No. I'm your executive producer. TINA ExeCUTEive producer— you do put the cute in that. SHADOWY FIGURE (Not being cute, unamused, but still very cute) Ugh. Fine. SUDAKIS. JASON SUDAKIS appears CONT'D. And nobody cares, of course Because she is formerly gorgeous (Not no more) I'm standing on four paws I'm studying your laws If this was your office I'm your boss And I caught you taking your clothes off You're boring, I started to doze off Don't call me no more, hoe So now your broke You started a war slamming doors Because you can't find no more work Hoe Karen and Becky are probably blessings Cause they do not get me But I'm doing better and yet They are starting to sweat cause I'm starting to flex They're slamming the door They're starting a war They never been homeless before Or hungry and poor But no peace of mind? It's fine I'll probably find in time That they crossed the line And get left behind The red dots are trying To plot I'm crying a lot, I'm out of the box, jack I spring up but I do not pop I'm talking to God, He's telling you off, I'm calling him “her”, She's telling me “Sure, I'm not really sure, But I got the cure for your disease The God of Mercy, Mercy Me I got my first Mercedes in 1993 Look at me. CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT A very tall, redheaded SHOWMAN (CONAN O'BRIEN, though slightly off) has just finished a days-long BENDER. He is not the polished figure America knows. He shakily lines up a mysterious white substance on a grimy surface. CONAN (Muttering) Just… need… a little… pick-me-up. A mysterious FIGURE appears silently behind him. FIGURE Feeling better, Conan? Conan looks up, bleary-eyed, barely lifting his head. CONAN (Slurring) I don't know what you're saying. CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, that was the line, and I felt like I was crossing into a strange territory with this, one Conan O'Brien, and almost absolutely certain I was spelling his name wrong, but continued to do so anyway— one, because I refused to look him up, and two— because if ever I entered into a plot hole deep enough the mechanics of my own knowledge of hyper and multidimensional space travels to explain, then having a Conan O'Brien and a Conan O'Brian might become useful. Today, I want useful, because I wanted to go back to sleep with enough energy to still wake up with enough energy to run a mile on the full sized treadmill downstairs. Then, I had day-people things to do— and for whatever reason, this seemed like one of them. It was a welcome deviation from— A boisterous, red-faced MAN stumbles into the room. MAN O'Fallon, you old coot! CONAN (Confused) Oh year. MAN I told you the Irish were coming. *the fighting Irish. CONAN Ah yes, the fighting Irish— CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, this was some centuries long kind of battle between ancient clans//and so, I did my very best o find my way out of it, until A fierce, heavily tattooed WOMAN bursts in. WOMAN MUNROE!!!!! (V.O.) —i was found out. My surname was Scottish, but nonetheless, it was a fied older than borders were, anyway. CUT TO: EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL - DAY A chaotic, vibrant music festival. ANDY (ALEKSI) approaches a gruff-looking SECURITY GUARD. ANDY Yo. SECURITY GUARD What's good. ANDY What's your deal with the KKK, anyway? SECURITY GUARD (Scoffs) I like them. They're funny. ANDY They— want to kill you. SECURITY GUARD That doesn't make them any less funny. In fact, now they might be more funny. ANDY Are you serious? SECURITY GUARD No, I'm funny. I like them blonde, Tall, dark skinned, Woah, scratch that. Narrow down my picks I like them Icelandic And Slavic Oh dear I like them impossible to topple over, No, God— Nevermind; I like them whiter than light snow on a cold night There you go I like them strong— But only in thought forms Keyboard warrior, But I'd like to get her in a choke hold So she'll stop snoring Oh God No Lord— I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.) ANOTHER nomination. ANDY No way. This is crazy. ANDY spots SUNNI BLU in the crowd, looking stressed. ANDY (CONT'D) SUNNI, Do you have the academy on your payroll? SUNNI BLU (Shouting over the music) Ask the accountant? A stereotypical SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT, complete with a large yarmulke and clutching a ledger, scurries past. SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT actually, surprisingly, I think you're on theirs! See! SUNNI BLU Seriously?!! That's not anti semitic at all. (It's not, it's pro-semitic) More Jews and Rosecurucians More Jews and Rosicrucians! I took a bite out of you, And now I want my life back! Sharks. (And surfboards) More news and prosecutions More blues and resurrections More impossible erections Interject— —I should probably call a doctor. It's been way more than four hours. I have way more than four houses— I've way more than four flowers, I've way more than four dollars— I've way more than four collars with sparkles on them. I wear cargo pants for the ride home though. No homo. CUT TO: INT. HEADQUARTERS INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY CC (NATALIE PORTMAN, though not explicitly stated) enters the stark interrogation room. A MAN sits at a metal table, wrists chained. CC sits down opposite him, calm and composed. MAN I… am a trained assassin. CC That's— impressive. MAN There are people who want to murder you. CC Now I'm impressed with myself. MAN Is that so. CC Yes! Ah. Delighted, actually. MAN Who are you? CC “A charismatic number” writes the New York Times review of my most recently cherished endeavor. Which means for once in your life you might have actually been on time. Or just late enough, or just early enough, or— you know. It starts where I get there, or they were just waiting for me anyway. You know. Or you don't. MAN I don't. CC Then you should have plenty of time for self study between now and your execution. MAN Hah! My execution?! That's where this is heading. CC What about yours? MAN What about it? CC Have or haven't you been following along that this is what I've ultimately desired. My suffering ends in peace with knowing that you, too, shall cease to exist. INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY Other DETECTIVES watch the interrogation through a one-way mirror, their faces grim. DETECTIVE 1 What could possibly be going on in there? DETECTIVE 2 Anything. DETECTIVE 3 I wonder what she's saying. DETECTIVE 1 Anything. DETECTIVE 2 Looks like she has him cornered. DETECTIVE 3 Maybe. DETECTIVE 1 Jesus, can you speak in anything more than one word sentences. DETECTIVE 2 No. BACK IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM, a heavy silence hangs in the air. MAN …Natalie? CC You wanted “CC” so I'm “CC” The MAN strains against his restraints. MAN Who who's this?! CC (V.O.) Suddenly my love affair with words and art and theatrical thoroughfare was coming to an end. This was something of a disaster set against the backdrop of a really real world— a world that seemed not to want me in it. CUT TO: EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) walks down a crowded street, furiously dialing her cellphone. LIZ LEMON (Into phone, angry) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. MARDI GRAS PARADE - NEW ORLEANS - DAY TRACY JORDAN (also TINA FEY, in elaborate Mardi Gras attire) is on a vibrant parade float, throwing beads to the cheering crowd. His phone rings. TRACY JORDAN (Into phone, jovial) WHERE ARE YOU?! I'm on my way to the parade! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I'm AT the parade! Where are YOU? TRACY JORDAN Not that parade! Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) MARDI GRAS?! TRACY JORDAN Yeah! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) WHY?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A FLOAT— In NEW YORK CITY— In 22 MINUTES. TRACY JORDAN Don't worry, I'll be there. LIZ LEMON (O.S.) YOU'LL BE THERE?! You're at a parade! In New Orleans! TRACY JORDAN It's Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I KNOW ITS— Tracy hangs up. He grins at the crowd and throws more beads. FADE OUT. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

First actual mix in a long time, hope you guys enjoy. This is my first mix with 99.9% Original -Ū. music only with the exception of the intro for dramatic effect. Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks for listening. Here's a screenplay of enter the multiverse to coincide with the commemoration of the SNL 50's anniversary/ L E G E N D S crossover. Fun Fact: The First appearence of Liz Lemon in this show {Enter The Multiverse} is in season one, which first aired in May of 2021. The 1st and subsequent seasons will soon be avalible for reading and listening on my website https://www.iamu.guru. Enjoy this mix and the avaliable downloads you'll find there and stay tuned for upcoming stuff. Just a reminder, all of my content is totally free for download. If you enjoy this series, drop a like and subscribe and follow on your favorite streaming platforms and all of my channels. Thanks for your continued support and listens/reads. Happy Passover; blessings and peace to you. -blu. INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP - DAY The cramped, metallic interior of an alien spacecraft. Two bizarre, multi-limbed ALIENS are locked in a furious argument. The sounds are not words, but a cacophony of distorted electronic noises. ALIEN 1 (A series of rapid, high-pitched BLIPS and WHIRS) ALIEN 2 (A deep, guttural GROWL followed by a drawn-out, wavering TONE) ALIEN 1 BLIM-BLIM-BLIM-BLIM— FLAU—FLAU—FLAU! ALIEN 2 —————EeeeeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEENNMMMMMMMMMNGGGGGGGGG!!! ALIEN 1 Wfuh! Alien 2 makes a highly offensive hand gesture. Alien 1 responds with a highly offensive gesture using another body part. Suddenly, RACHEL DRATCH, dressed impeccably and radiating an air of cool detachment, enters the scene and calmly observes the arguing aliens. RACHEL DRATCH (To herself, almost a whisper) Well, this is… something. CUT TO: INT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA - SUNNI BLU'S OFFICE - DAY SUNNI BLU, sharp and impeccably dressed, stares with wide eyes at a ridiculously large ELECTRICITY BILL. Sunlight streams through the massive windows overlooking Rockefeller Plaza. SUNNI BLU (Muttering) Since when did keeping the lights on cost this much? Absorbing ConEd was supposed to *save* money. Suddenly, a disembodied VOICE echoes in the room. VOICE (V.O.) You will fail this test. SUNNI BLU (Startled) There's a test?! What test?! VOICE (V.O.) It came with a lesson— you didn't think there was going to be a test. CUT TO: EXT. THE LONELY ISLAND CLIFF - DAY ANDY (ALEKSI), dressed in surprisingly clean white robes despite the precarious location, stands on the edge of a towering cliff overlooking a vast ocean. He takes a running leap off the edge. ANDY —NO… He plummets downwards for a beat. Then, with a gentle WHOOSH, he lands perfectly upright on the sandy beach below. ANDY (CONT'D) I told you I could stick the landing. ALEKSI (V.O.) It wasn't always The Lonely Island… CUT TO: INT. HEAVENLY WAITING ROOM - DAY ALEKSI (ANDY SANDBERG), now with subtle, mischievous angelic wings, winks directly at the camera. ALEKSI guardian angel. TINA (O.S.) Whatever. Tina FEY, also with small, slightly more exasperated-looking wings, enters. ALEKSI winks extra harder at her. ALEKSI Hello. TINA Oh my God! ALEKSI I wish! At this point, I wish— unfortunately, those aren't the types of wishes I'm in charge of overseeing. A large, ornate PACKAGE appears unexpectedly at TINA's feet. TINA (CONT'D) When something appears unexpectedly at your doorstep, it's called a windfall, right? ALEKSI Yeah. I think that's what this is. TINA And when it's something you really need, it's a gift from God. Isn't it? ALEKSI Something like that. TINA Honestly, I thought it was just a gentler way of letting me know I was ugly— after a particularly horrible photo opportunity at the airport. ALEKSI —wow. TINA I had just been up for 72 plus hours straight and only slept something like 4 or 5–but of course— FLASHBACK: INT. AIRPORT SECURITY - EARLY MORNING A haggard and disheveled TINA sits slumped on a lopsided BEANBAG in the middle of the bustling security line. Bright lights shine in her face as various machines WHIR and BEEP, scanning her. TINA (V.O.) This was staggered sleep from atop a lopsided beanbag. TINA (Muttering) Agh, God! TINA (V.O.) I've been getting used to having lights shined in my face for awhile now. Still, I was not so ready for a full work up of my biometrics in this early morning crusade to Los Angeles. A stern-faced AGENT approaches her. AGENT The Agency thought you were terminally ill. TINA Terminally? Geez. The AGENT clears his throat. AGENT Consider this as, ah— Hm. Ojo translates directly to Eye. Doesn't it? TINA I see you. AGENT Undoubtedly. —an incentives. TINA I don't need anymore incentives, Captain. I need income. AGENT Oh, I'm the captain now? TINA You were always the captain. AGENT This is news to me. TINA News to the News. That's something new. AGENT Nothing is new. TINA But it's news to you. Sarcasm. I need a paycheck. AGENT Try looking pretty. TINA I tried. It didn't work. AGENT Try…harder. TINA (V.O.) New York had put spots and marks on my faces— a broken blood vessel from fighting some demonized African girl— and I'm sure that was what she was, after all… FLASHBACK: INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT TINA is struggling in a bizarre fight with a shadowy FIGURE. The scene has a surreal, “As Seen On TV” commercial feel. VOICEOVER (V.O.) Who tries to kill you, and then does their hair to be more like yours? That's major weird. TINA Major Tom. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah. TINA (V.O.) Then again, since moving to New York… Oh, Holy shit. Everything is major weird. A shimmering PORTAL opens in the middle of the apartment. TITLE CARD: AS SEEN ON TV: PART III TINA (Staring at the portal) Where the fuck is part one and two?! SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it starts at three! TINA Nothing “starts at three” SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it's like Star Wars! TINA It's not like Star Wars! A CATACLYSMIC SPACESHIP COLLISION and EXPLOSION sound effect. TINA (CONT'D) …it's not like Star Wars. SHADOWY FIGURE Uh huh. It's better than star wars. A giant collective GASP is heard. TINA -_- *the world stops* TINA (CONT'D) -_- Suddenly, all sound ceases. TINA (CONT'D) Woah. That's different. SHADOWY FIGURE There: I fixed overpopulation. TINA But— SHADOWY FIGURE But what? I fixed it. TINA But— weren't some of those fans, also fans of this show. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah, so? TINA Like an overwhelming majority. SHADOWY FIGURE Majority? Yeah— they're— These are nerds. TINA Fuck. Right. So where did you send them?! SHADOWY FIGURE Uh. Only to heaven. TINA What does that mean. SHADOWY FIGURE Heaven for any Star Wars fan— TINA Where is that. SHADOWY FIGURE The world where all of that stuff— is real. TINA What—what do you mean by that. SHADOWY FIGURE I sent them to Star World. TINA That sounds so fucking gay. SHADOWY FIGURE Cause it is. TINA Fuck. Oh, that's right— Non-star wars fans are sometimes Cynics Read: Major fucking assholes. I guess I fall into that category, eh— a little bit? SHADOWY FIGURE No duh. TINA “No duh.” What part of the nineties was your heyday? SHADOWY FIGURE All of them. TINA Jesus, Tina. You might be ancient. SHADOWY FIGURE I'm dust. TINA Hey— What. Why are you my assistant now. SHADOWY FIGURE Assistant? No. I'm your executive producer. TINA ExeCUTEive producer— you do put the cute in that. SHADOWY FIGURE (Not being cute, unamused, but still very cute) Ugh. Fine. SUDAKIS. JASON SUDAKIS appears CONT'D. And nobody cares, of course Because she is formerly gorgeous (Not no more) I'm standing on four paws I'm studying your laws If this was your office I'm your boss And I caught you taking your clothes off You're boring, I started to doze off Don't call me no more, hoe So now your broke You started a war slamming doors Because you can't find no more work Hoe Karen and Becky are probably blessings Cause they do not get me But I'm doing better and yet They are starting to sweat cause I'm starting to flex They're slamming the door They're starting a war They never been homeless before Or hungry and poor But no peace of mind? It's fine I'll probably find in time That they crossed the line And get left behind The red dots are trying To plot I'm crying a lot, I'm out of the box, jack I spring up but I do not pop I'm talking to God, He's telling you off, I'm calling him “her”, She's telling me “Sure, I'm not really sure, But I got the cure for your disease The God of Mercy, Mercy Me I got my first Mercedes in 1993 Look at me. CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT A very tall, redheaded SHOWMAN (CONAN O'BRIEN, though slightly off) has just finished a days-long BENDER. He is not the polished figure America knows. He shakily lines up a mysterious white substance on a grimy surface. CONAN (Muttering) Just… need… a little… pick-me-up. A mysterious FIGURE appears silently behind him. FIGURE Feeling better, Conan? Conan looks up, bleary-eyed, barely lifting his head. CONAN (Slurring) I don't know what you're saying. CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, that was the line, and I felt like I was crossing into a strange territory with this, one Conan O'Brien, and almost absolutely certain I was spelling his name wrong, but continued to do so anyway— one, because I refused to look him up, and two— because if ever I entered into a plot hole deep enough the mechanics of my own knowledge of hyper and multidimensional space travels to explain, then having a Conan O'Brien and a Conan O'Brian might become useful. Today, I want useful, because I wanted to go back to sleep with enough energy to still wake up with enough energy to run a mile on the full sized treadmill downstairs. Then, I had day-people things to do— and for whatever reason, this seemed like one of them. It was a welcome deviation from— A boisterous, red-faced MAN stumbles into the room. MAN O'Fallon, you old coot! CONAN (Confused) Oh year. MAN I told you the Irish were coming. *the fighting Irish. CONAN Ah yes, the fighting Irish— CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, this was some centuries long kind of battle between ancient clans//and so, I did my very best o find my way out of it, until A fierce, heavily tattooed WOMAN bursts in. WOMAN MUNROE!!!!! (V.O.) —i was found out. My surname was Scottish, but nonetheless, it was a fied older than borders were, anyway. CUT TO: EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL - DAY A chaotic, vibrant music festival. ANDY (ALEKSI) approaches a gruff-looking SECURITY GUARD. ANDY Yo. SECURITY GUARD What's good. ANDY What's your deal with the KKK, anyway? SECURITY GUARD (Scoffs) I like them. They're funny. ANDY They— want to kill you. SECURITY GUARD That doesn't make them any less funny. In fact, now they might be more funny. ANDY Are you serious? SECURITY GUARD No, I'm funny. I like them blonde, Tall, dark skinned, Woah, scratch that. Narrow down my picks I like them Icelandic And Slavic Oh dear I like them impossible to topple over, No, God— Nevermind; I like them whiter than light snow on a cold night There you go I like them strong— But only in thought forms Keyboard warrior, But I'd like to get her in a choke hold So she'll stop snoring Oh God No Lord— I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.) ANOTHER nomination. ANDY No way. This is crazy. ANDY spots SUNNI BLU in the crowd, looking stressed. ANDY (CONT'D) SUNNI, Do you have the academy on your payroll? SUNNI BLU (Shouting over the music) Ask the accountant? A stereotypical SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT, complete with a large yarmulke and clutching a ledger, scurries past. SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT actually, surprisingly, I think you're on theirs! See! SUNNI BLU Seriously?!! That's not anti semitic at all. (It's not, it's pro-semitic) More Jews and Rosecurucians More Jews and Rosicrucians! I took a bite out of you, And now I want my life back! Sharks. (And surfboards) More news and prosecutions More blues and resurrections More impossible erections Interject— —I should probably call a doctor. It's been way more than four hours. I have way more than four houses— I've way more than four flowers, I've way more than four dollars— I've way more than four collars with sparkles on them. I wear cargo pants for the ride home though. No homo. CUT TO: INT. HEADQUARTERS INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY CC (NATALIE PORTMAN, though not explicitly stated) enters the stark interrogation room. A MAN sits at a metal table, wrists chained. CC sits down opposite him, calm and composed. MAN I… am a trained assassin. CC That's— impressive. MAN There are people who want to murder you. CC Now I'm impressed with myself. MAN Is that so. CC Yes! Ah. Delighted, actually. MAN Who are you? CC “A charismatic number” writes the New York Times review of my most recently cherished endeavor. Which means for once in your life you might have actually been on time. Or just late enough, or just early enough, or— you know. It starts where I get there, or they were just waiting for me anyway. You know. Or you don't. MAN I don't. CC Then you should have plenty of time for self study between now and your execution. MAN Hah! My execution?! That's where this is heading. CC What about yours? MAN What about it? CC Have or haven't you been following along that this is what I've ultimately desired. My suffering ends in peace with knowing that you, too, shall cease to exist. INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY Other DETECTIVES watch the interrogation through a one-way mirror, their faces grim. DETECTIVE 1 What could possibly be going on in there? DETECTIVE 2 Anything. DETECTIVE 3 I wonder what she's saying. DETECTIVE 1 Anything. DETECTIVE 2 Looks like she has him cornered. DETECTIVE 3 Maybe. DETECTIVE 1 Jesus, can you speak in anything more than one word sentences. DETECTIVE 2 No. BACK IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM, a heavy silence hangs in the air. MAN …Natalie? CC You wanted “CC” so I'm “CC” The MAN strains against his restraints. MAN Who who's this?! CC (V.O.) Suddenly my love affair with words and art and theatrical thoroughfare was coming to an end. This was something of a disaster set against the backdrop of a really real world— a world that seemed not to want me in it. CUT TO: EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) walks down a crowded street, furiously dialing her cellphone. LIZ LEMON (Into phone, angry) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. MARDI GRAS PARADE - NEW ORLEANS - DAY TRACY JORDAN (also TINA FEY, in elaborate Mardi Gras attire) is on a vibrant parade float, throwing beads to the cheering crowd. His phone rings. TRACY JORDAN (Into phone, jovial) WHERE ARE YOU?! I'm on my way to the parade! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I'm AT the parade! Where are YOU? TRACY JORDAN Not that parade! Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) MARDI GRAS?! TRACY JORDAN Yeah! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) WHY?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A FLOAT— In NEW YORK CITY— In 22 MINUTES. TRACY JORDAN Don't worry, I'll be there. LIZ LEMON (O.S.) YOU'LL BE THERE?! You're at a parade! In New Orleans! TRACY JORDAN It's Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I KNOW ITS— Tracy hangs up. He grins at the crowd and throws more beads. FADE OUT. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

First actual mix in a long time, hope you guys enjoy. This is my first mix with 99.9% Original -Ū. music only with the exception of the intro for dramatic effect. Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks for listening. Here's a screenplay of enter the multiverse to coincide with the commemoration of the SNL 50's anniversary/ L E G E N D S crossover. Fun Fact: The First appearence of Liz Lemon in this show {Enter The Multiverse} is in season one, which first aired in May of 2021. The 1st and subsequent seasons will soon be avalible for reading and listening on my website https://www.iamu.guru. Enjoy this mix and the avaliable downloads you'll find there and stay tuned for upcoming stuff. Just a reminder, all of my content is totally free for download. If you enjoy this series, drop a like and subscribe and follow on your favorite streaming platforms and all of my channels. Thanks for your continued support and listens/reads. Happy Passover; blessings and peace to you. -blu. INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP - DAY The cramped, metallic interior of an alien spacecraft. Two bizarre, multi-limbed ALIENS are locked in a furious argument. The sounds are not words, but a cacophony of distorted electronic noises. ALIEN 1 (A series of rapid, high-pitched BLIPS and WHIRS) ALIEN 2 (A deep, guttural GROWL followed by a drawn-out, wavering TONE) ALIEN 1 BLIM-BLIM-BLIM-BLIM— FLAU—FLAU—FLAU! ALIEN 2 —————EeeeeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEENNMMMMMMMMMNGGGGGGGGG!!! ALIEN 1 Wfuh! Alien 2 makes a highly offensive hand gesture. Alien 1 responds with a highly offensive gesture using another body part. Suddenly, RACHEL DRATCH, dressed impeccably and radiating an air of cool detachment, enters the scene and calmly observes the arguing aliens. RACHEL DRATCH (To herself, almost a whisper) Well, this is… something. CUT TO: INT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA - SUNNI BLU'S OFFICE - DAY SUNNI BLU, sharp and impeccably dressed, stares with wide eyes at a ridiculously large ELECTRICITY BILL. Sunlight streams through the massive windows overlooking Rockefeller Plaza. SUNNI BLU (Muttering) Since when did keeping the lights on cost this much? Absorbing ConEd was supposed to *save* money. Suddenly, a disembodied VOICE echoes in the room. VOICE (V.O.) You will fail this test. SUNNI BLU (Startled) There's a test?! What test?! VOICE (V.O.) It came with a lesson— you didn't think there was going to be a test. CUT TO: EXT. THE LONELY ISLAND CLIFF - DAY ANDY (ALEKSI), dressed in surprisingly clean white robes despite the precarious location, stands on the edge of a towering cliff overlooking a vast ocean. He takes a running leap off the edge. ANDY —NO… He plummets downwards for a beat. Then, with a gentle WHOOSH, he lands perfectly upright on the sandy beach below. ANDY (CONT'D) I told you I could stick the landing. ALEKSI (V.O.) It wasn't always The Lonely Island… CUT TO: INT. HEAVENLY WAITING ROOM - DAY ALEKSI (ANDY SANDBERG), now with subtle, mischievous angelic wings, winks directly at the camera. ALEKSI guardian angel. TINA (O.S.) Whatever. Tina FEY, also with small, slightly more exasperated-looking wings, enters. ALEKSI winks extra harder at her. ALEKSI Hello. TINA Oh my God! ALEKSI I wish! At this point, I wish— unfortunately, those aren't the types of wishes I'm in charge of overseeing. A large, ornate PACKAGE appears unexpectedly at TINA's feet. TINA (CONT'D) When something appears unexpectedly at your doorstep, it's called a windfall, right? ALEKSI Yeah. I think that's what this is. TINA And when it's something you really need, it's a gift from God. Isn't it? ALEKSI Something like that. TINA Honestly, I thought it was just a gentler way of letting me know I was ugly— after a particularly horrible photo opportunity at the airport. ALEKSI —wow. TINA I had just been up for 72 plus hours straight and only slept something like 4 or 5–but of course— FLASHBACK: INT. AIRPORT SECURITY - EARLY MORNING A haggard and disheveled TINA sits slumped on a lopsided BEANBAG in the middle of the bustling security line. Bright lights shine in her face as various machines WHIR and BEEP, scanning her. TINA (V.O.) This was staggered sleep from atop a lopsided beanbag. TINA (Muttering) Agh, God! TINA (V.O.) I've been getting used to having lights shined in my face for awhile now. Still, I was not so ready for a full work up of my biometrics in this early morning crusade to Los Angeles. A stern-faced AGENT approaches her. AGENT The Agency thought you were terminally ill. TINA Terminally? Geez. The AGENT clears his throat. AGENT Consider this as, ah— Hm. Ojo translates directly to Eye. Doesn't it? TINA I see you. AGENT Undoubtedly. —an incentives. TINA I don't need anymore incentives, Captain. I need income. AGENT Oh, I'm the captain now? TINA You were always the captain. AGENT This is news to me. TINA News to the News. That's something new. AGENT Nothing is new. TINA But it's news to you. Sarcasm. I need a paycheck. AGENT Try looking pretty. TINA I tried. It didn't work. AGENT Try…harder. TINA (V.O.) New York had put spots and marks on my faces— a broken blood vessel from fighting some demonized African girl— and I'm sure that was what she was, after all… FLASHBACK: INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT TINA is struggling in a bizarre fight with a shadowy FIGURE. The scene has a surreal, “As Seen On TV” commercial feel. VOICEOVER (V.O.) Who tries to kill you, and then does their hair to be more like yours? That's major weird. TINA Major Tom. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah. TINA (V.O.) Then again, since moving to New York… Oh, Holy shit. Everything is major weird. A shimmering PORTAL opens in the middle of the apartment. TITLE CARD: AS SEEN ON TV: PART III TINA (Staring at the portal) Where the fuck is part one and two?! SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it starts at three! TINA Nothing “starts at three” SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it's like Star Wars! TINA It's not like Star Wars! A CATACLYSMIC SPACESHIP COLLISION and EXPLOSION sound effect. TINA (CONT'D) …it's not like Star Wars. SHADOWY FIGURE Uh huh. It's better than star wars. A giant collective GASP is heard. TINA -_- *the world stops* TINA (CONT'D) -_- Suddenly, all sound ceases. TINA (CONT'D) Woah. That's different. SHADOWY FIGURE There: I fixed overpopulation. TINA But— SHADOWY FIGURE But what? I fixed it. TINA But— weren't some of those fans, also fans of this show. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah, so? TINA Like an overwhelming majority. SHADOWY FIGURE Majority? Yeah— they're— These are nerds. TINA Fuck. Right. So where did you send them?! SHADOWY FIGURE Uh. Only to heaven. TINA What does that mean. SHADOWY FIGURE Heaven for any Star Wars fan— TINA Where is that. SHADOWY FIGURE The world where all of that stuff— is real. TINA What—what do you mean by that. SHADOWY FIGURE I sent them to Star World. TINA That sounds so fucking gay. SHADOWY FIGURE Cause it is. TINA Fuck. Oh, that's right— Non-star wars fans are sometimes Cynics Read: Major fucking assholes. I guess I fall into that category, eh— a little bit? SHADOWY FIGURE No duh. TINA “No duh.” What part of the nineties was your heyday? SHADOWY FIGURE All of them. TINA Jesus, Tina. You might be ancient. SHADOWY FIGURE I'm dust. TINA Hey— What. Why are you my assistant now. SHADOWY FIGURE Assistant? No. I'm your executive producer. TINA ExeCUTEive producer— you do put the cute in that. SHADOWY FIGURE (Not being cute, unamused, but still very cute) Ugh. Fine. SUDAKIS. JASON SUDAKIS appears CONT'D. And nobody cares, of course Because she is formerly gorgeous (Not no more) I'm standing on four paws I'm studying your laws If this was your office I'm your boss And I caught you taking your clothes off You're boring, I started to doze off Don't call me no more, hoe So now your broke You started a war slamming doors Because you can't find no more work Hoe Karen and Becky are probably blessings Cause they do not get me But I'm doing better and yet They are starting to sweat cause I'm starting to flex They're slamming the door They're starting a war They never been homeless before Or hungry and poor But no peace of mind? It's fine I'll probably find in time That they crossed the line And get left behind The red dots are trying To plot I'm crying a lot, I'm out of the box, jack I spring up but I do not pop I'm talking to God, He's telling you off, I'm calling him “her”, She's telling me “Sure, I'm not really sure, But I got the cure for your disease The God of Mercy, Mercy Me I got my first Mercedes in 1993 Look at me. CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT A very tall, redheaded SHOWMAN (CONAN O'BRIEN, though slightly off) has just finished a days-long BENDER. He is not the polished figure America knows. He shakily lines up a mysterious white substance on a grimy surface. CONAN (Muttering) Just… need… a little… pick-me-up. A mysterious FIGURE appears silently behind him. FIGURE Feeling better, Conan? Conan looks up, bleary-eyed, barely lifting his head. CONAN (Slurring) I don't know what you're saying. CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, that was the line, and I felt like I was crossing into a strange territory with this, one Conan O'Brien, and almost absolutely certain I was spelling his name wrong, but continued to do so anyway— one, because I refused to look him up, and two— because if ever I entered into a plot hole deep enough the mechanics of my own knowledge of hyper and multidimensional space travels to explain, then having a Conan O'Brien and a Conan O'Brian might become useful. Today, I want useful, because I wanted to go back to sleep with enough energy to still wake up with enough energy to run a mile on the full sized treadmill downstairs. Then, I had day-people things to do— and for whatever reason, this seemed like one of them. It was a welcome deviation from— A boisterous, red-faced MAN stumbles into the room. MAN O'Fallon, you old coot! CONAN (Confused) Oh year. MAN I told you the Irish were coming. *the fighting Irish. CONAN Ah yes, the fighting Irish— CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, this was some centuries long kind of battle between ancient clans//and so, I did my very best o find my way out of it, until A fierce, heavily tattooed WOMAN bursts in. WOMAN MUNROE!!!!! (V.O.) —i was found out. My surname was Scottish, but nonetheless, it was a fied older than borders were, anyway. CUT TO: EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL - DAY A chaotic, vibrant music festival. ANDY (ALEKSI) approaches a gruff-looking SECURITY GUARD. ANDY Yo. SECURITY GUARD What's good. ANDY What's your deal with the KKK, anyway? SECURITY GUARD (Scoffs) I like them. They're funny. ANDY They— want to kill you. SECURITY GUARD That doesn't make them any less funny. In fact, now they might be more funny. ANDY Are you serious? SECURITY GUARD No, I'm funny. I like them blonde, Tall, dark skinned, Woah, scratch that. Narrow down my picks I like them Icelandic And Slavic Oh dear I like them impossible to topple over, No, God— Nevermind; I like them whiter than light snow on a cold night There you go I like them strong— But only in thought forms Keyboard warrior, But I'd like to get her in a choke hold So she'll stop snoring Oh God No Lord— I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.) ANOTHER nomination. ANDY No way. This is crazy. ANDY spots SUNNI BLU in the crowd, looking stressed. ANDY (CONT'D) SUNNI, Do you have the academy on your payroll? SUNNI BLU (Shouting over the music) Ask the accountant? A stereotypical SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT, complete with a large yarmulke and clutching a ledger, scurries past. SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT actually, surprisingly, I think you're on theirs! See! SUNNI BLU Seriously?!! That's not anti semitic at all. (It's not, it's pro-semitic) More Jews and Rosecurucians More Jews and Rosicrucians! I took a bite out of you, And now I want my life back! Sharks. (And surfboards) More news and prosecutions More blues and resurrections More impossible erections Interject— —I should probably call a doctor. It's been way more than four hours. I have way more than four houses— I've way more than four flowers, I've way more than four dollars— I've way more than four collars with sparkles on them. I wear cargo pants for the ride home though. No homo. CUT TO: INT. HEADQUARTERS INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY CC (NATALIE PORTMAN, though not explicitly stated) enters the stark interrogation room. A MAN sits at a metal table, wrists chained. CC sits down opposite him, calm and composed. MAN I… am a trained assassin. CC That's— impressive. MAN There are people who want to murder you. CC Now I'm impressed with myself. MAN Is that so. CC Yes! Ah. Delighted, actually. MAN Who are you? CC “A charismatic number” writes the New York Times review of my most recently cherished endeavor. Which means for once in your life you might have actually been on time. Or just late enough, or just early enough, or— you know. It starts where I get there, or they were just waiting for me anyway. You know. Or you don't. MAN I don't. CC Then you should have plenty of time for self study between now and your execution. MAN Hah! My execution?! That's where this is heading. CC What about yours? MAN What about it? CC Have or haven't you been following along that this is what I've ultimately desired. My suffering ends in peace with knowing that you, too, shall cease to exist. INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY Other DETECTIVES watch the interrogation through a one-way mirror, their faces grim. DETECTIVE 1 What could possibly be going on in there? DETECTIVE 2 Anything. DETECTIVE 3 I wonder what she's saying. DETECTIVE 1 Anything. DETECTIVE 2 Looks like she has him cornered. DETECTIVE 3 Maybe. DETECTIVE 1 Jesus, can you speak in anything more than one word sentences. DETECTIVE 2 No. BACK IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM, a heavy silence hangs in the air. MAN …Natalie? CC You wanted “CC” so I'm “CC” The MAN strains against his restraints. MAN Who who's this?! CC (V.O.) Suddenly my love affair with words and art and theatrical thoroughfare was coming to an end. This was something of a disaster set against the backdrop of a really real world— a world that seemed not to want me in it. CUT TO: EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) walks down a crowded street, furiously dialing her cellphone. LIZ LEMON (Into phone, angry) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. MARDI GRAS PARADE - NEW ORLEANS - DAY TRACY JORDAN (also TINA FEY, in elaborate Mardi Gras attire) is on a vibrant parade float, throwing beads to the cheering crowd. His phone rings. TRACY JORDAN (Into phone, jovial) WHERE ARE YOU?! I'm on my way to the parade! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I'm AT the parade! Where are YOU? TRACY JORDAN Not that parade! Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) MARDI GRAS?! TRACY JORDAN Yeah! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) WHY?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A FLOAT— In NEW YORK CITY— In 22 MINUTES. TRACY JORDAN Don't worry, I'll be there. LIZ LEMON (O.S.) YOU'LL BE THERE?! You're at a parade! In New Orleans! TRACY JORDAN It's Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I KNOW ITS— Tracy hangs up. He grins at the crowd and throws more beads. FADE OUT. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

In this week's episode, we take a look at five lessons for writers from Barnes & Nobles' turnaround. I also discuss indie author advertising results from February 2025. This week's coupon code will get you 50% off the audiobook of Dragonskull: Blade of the Elves, Book #3 in the Dragonskull series (as excellently narrated by Brad Wills), at my Payhip store: BLADE50 The coupon code is valid through March 28, 2025. So if you need a new audiobook for spring, we've got you covered! TRANSCRIPT 00:00:00 Introduction and Writing Updates   Hello, everyone. Welcome to Episode 242 of The Pulp Writer Show. My name is Jonathan Moeller. Today is March 7, 2025, and today we are looking at writing lessons from the dramatic turnaround of Barnes and Noble. We'll also look at my ad results for February 2025 and we'll also have Coupon of the Week and an update on my current writing projects and Question of the Week.   First off, let's start with Coupon of the Week. This week's coupon code will get you 50% off the audiobook of Dragonskull: Blade of the Elves, Book Number Three in the Dragon Skull Series (as excellent narrated by Brad Wills), at my Payhip store. That coupon code is BLADE50. We'll have the coupon code and the link in the show notes. This coupon code is valid through March 28th, 2025, so if you need a new audiobook for spring, we have got you covered. Now an update on my current writing and audiobook projects. The rough draft of Ghosts in the Assembly is done and I am 16% into the second phase of editing. If all goes well, I am planning to publish the book on March 14th, assuming there are no unanticipated interruptions, which is always risky to rely upon, but things are going well with it and I'm optimistic we can do that. I'm also 13,000 words into Shield of Battle and after Ghost in the Assembly is published, that will be my main project.   In audiobook news, Orc-Hoard, the fourth book in the Half-Elven Thief series (as narrated by Leanne Woodward), is now available and you can get it at all the usual audiobook stores. Half-Elven Thief: Omnibus One (which is a combination of Half-Elven Thief, Wizard-Thief, and Half-Orc Paladin, the first three books in the series) is also now available in audio (as excellently narrated by Leanne Woodward), and you can give that omnibus edition at Audible, Amazon, and Apple. So that is where I'm at with my current writing projects.   00:01:49 Question of the Week   Question the Week is designed to inspire enjoyable discussions of interesting topics. This week's question, when you have an unpleasant chore that must be done, do you prefer to split it up into smaller parts over a number of days or just to get it all over with at once? No wrong answers, obviously. The inspiration for this question is the fact that it's tax prep time here in the United States, and I have spent a lot of time this week working on that.   Justin says: I prefer to get it over with all at once if possible. Extending your example, I have somehow become the tax preparer for other family members, so there are a few days where that is what I do. I also set aside a few hours every month for vehicle maintenance: check fluids, tire pressure, top off everything, look at belts (replace if worn). It's amazing how more reliable cars are when you look after them a bit.   That is very true. Good car maintenance advice from Justin.   Catriona says: Procrastinate. I love to procrastinate, then the mad dash to the very last second of the deadline. Retired now, so no longer need to be efficiently organized.   Jenny says: Oh, split if I can, procrastinate if I can't. Dishes? Do some or put some away, do more later or let my laundry pile up until I have no pants.   And Juana says: Let's get this over with. (Transcriptionist's note: this was posted in the form of a GIF of Liz Lemon from 30 Rock)   For myself, I suppose the answer is that I essentially get to do both since I'm technically a small business owner as a publisher, I do some tax stuff every month and then usually have a couple of days in March that are all tax prep. Other than that, it really depends on the size of the task in question. My preferred way would be to split a task up into smaller pieces and do 'em until they're done. But if you have something like snow shoveling, for example, you really do have to kind of bite the bullet and get it over with all at once.   00:03:21 February 2025 Ad Results   Now let's see how my ads did in February 2025. February is generally a better month for advertising than November, December, and January. The reason for that is that Valentine's Day and the Super Bowl drives some consumer spending, though not nearly as much as the Christmas and Thanksgiving holidays, and so therefore the cost per click is often lower and you can usually have good results with ads.   First up, Facebook ads. In February, I advertised both Cloak Games/Cloak Mage and all the Ghosts on Facebook. For Cloak Games/Cloak Mage, I got back $2.98 (USD) for every dollar spent, with 6.8% of the profit coming from the audiobooks. For the Ghosts, I got back $3.24 cents for every dollar spent, with 15.4% of the profit coming from the audiobooks. I also ran a few different Amazon ad campaigns. Remember that for an Amazon ad campaign to work, it needs to generate a sale or a complete Kindle Unlimited page readthrough for every six to eight clicks. For Half-Elven Thief, I got back $2.30 for every dollar spent, with a sale for every 0.68 clicks. In other words, we had more total sales than we had clicks. For Stealth and Spells Online: Creation, I lost $2.52 for every dollar spent, with a sale for every 8.1 clicks. For The Linux Command Line Beginner's Guide, I got back $1.86 for every dollar spent, with a sale for every one click and 32% of the month's profit coming from the audiobook. I think this shows how badly I misjudged the LitRPG market with Stealth and Spells Online. The ads for Half-Elven Thief actually get more search terms for LitRPG related searches than Stealth and Spells actually does. I ran BookBub ads for Sevenfold Sword and The Ghosts on Apple, and here's how they did. For The Ghosts, I got back $5.26 for every dollar spent. For Sevenfold Sword, I got back $4.35 for every $1 spent. Finally, for the Demonsouled series, which is currently in KU, I did a combined Facebook and Amazon campaign, and when you run multi-platform ad campaigns like that, the most valuable metric tends to be honestly money back for dollar spent. So for Demonsouled, I got back $2.58 for every dollar spent. So good results, all in all, and I didn't actually lose that much money on Stealth and Spells. So thanks for reading everyone and hopefully I'll have more good books for you to read soon.   00:05:47 Main Topic: Lessons for Writers from Barnes and Noble's Turnaround   So now onto our main topic this week, lessons for Writers from Barnes and Noble's Turnaround because it is fair to say Barnes and Noble has had a turnaround recently. For a while at the end of the 2010s and the early 2020s, people would have their self-publishing predictions for the year, and one of them was almost always that Barnes and Noble is going to finally close, which was a reversal of fortune for it because if you remember in the ‘90s and the 2000s and even the early part of the 2010s, Barnes and Noble was the juggernaut in the publishing industry. They had forced out of business a lot of smaller indie bookstores and what Barnes and Noble wanted in the publishing industry, Barnes and Noble got. Then just as Barnes and Noble disrupted all the smaller book chains and independent bookstores, Amazon came along and disrupted Barnes and Noble. And so for a while it looked like Barnes and Noble was going to go out of business, but Barnes and Noble's revenue actually grew 1.6% in fiscal year 2024, and their foot traffic is up significantly. They're planning 60 new stores after a wave of closures in previous years.   A few years ago, as I said, they seemed headed for extinction, yet a combination of unpredictable factors and good decisions helped turned around Barnes and Noble. What are some of those factors leading into it? I suspect one of them is that many people are forced to be on screens all day and can find this frustrating or stressful, especially when schooling and work were virtual. I've talked to some teachers over the past couple of years and they would tell me stories of, for example, younger children who will burst into tears at the site of a Chromebook just because the experience of remote learning via Chromebooks was so stressful and miserable in 2020 and 2021 (and places that held onto that policy for probably longer than they should have). So much socialization nowadays is conducted online too through TikToks and chats and text messages and so forth. Because of this, many now feel like print books are a break from being constantly online. Various social media people such as TikTokers and Instagrammers make Barnes and Noble trips and hauls, showing off giant stacks of the latest books, filling up feeds. Home book displays are also a trend online, as collectors show off carefully style collections of books. Owning physical books and browsing the shelves at Barnes and Noble has become cool again. Truly history is a wheel that keeps on turning.   So what lessons can you take from this turnaround as a writer (even if your physical books aren't stocked by Barnes and Noble and you don't sell that many eBooks through them)? How they approach their relationship with their readers and their customers still has a few lessons to provide writers.   #1: Focus on your primary mission and also double down on what actually works. Barnes and Noble started to devote much of their store space to a confusing, aimless mixture of toys and gifts mixed in with the books. The stores began to look cluttered and much of this merchandise did not actually sell to their customers. They also wasted a large sum of money trying to compete with Amazon, Apple, and tech companies with their Nook tablets and kept Nook ereaders as a strong store presence long after it was clear they had lost the battle for the ebook market. There was even an extremely ill-advised foray into Barnes and Noble restaurants. Customers were quick to reject $13 avocado toast and $7 oatmeal from a mall chain bookstore.   One, when the company focused on returning to selling print books and making the store a better place to browse, sales improved. Many stores moved the gifts and games away from the book areas and back into the dedicated sections, which cleaned up the layout and made it easier for customers wanting non-book items to find what they were looking for. Since most of the customers were actually there to buy books, that made it easier to buy books.   How to apply this as a writer? Your job as a writer is to create and sell books. Getting lost in side quests, like overly frequent social media posting, creating courses or webinars, and selling merchandises are only taking time away from what your readers actually want the most from you: more books. So double down on writing more books, just as Barnes Noble doubled down on selling more books.   #2: Target the right people. Barnes Noble's display spaces and tables were taken up by books that publishers paid to place there. This led to their prime store space being taken up by books that were often poor sellers or not a good fit for their local customers. It was better to turn down the short-term money but have more targeted displays, including putting similar books in “thematic nooks.”   By focusing much of their marketing on the BookTok/Bookstagram groups of heavy readers, they were able to find ways to appeal to a younger and growing customer base. Since this group loves books both as content and décor, showcasing exclusive or “aesthetic” special editions was a way to bring these customers back into the store and keep them from buying cheaper copies online. These readers were also willing to spend a few dollars extra for the experience and to ensure that the books they were buying weren't damaged, which is often a complaint when you buy books online, that they sometimes aren't packaged properly and arrive damaged in transit. Store space was also devoted to manga readers, another group that reads voraciously and enjoys the experience of reading the print version and later collecting the print version as opposed to the electronic one.   Now, how do you apply this as a writer? Appeal to your core audience. Instead of trying to appeal to everyone, find your core “thematic nook” (as Barnes Noble puts it), meaning similar authors and titles. There are resources like Publisher Rocket that can help you do this. Focus your advertising on finding these readers instead of the general population.   For myself, I've experienced this lesson personally in the last four years because in the last four years I've tried three different new things: The Cormac Rogan Mysteries, the Stealth and Spells LitRPG book, and the Rivah Half-Elven series. And of the three, Rivah was by far the most successful because it was another form of epic fantasy, which I think is what my core audience really wants from me and not contemporary mysteries or LitRPG. So this is the lesson I can attest to through personal experience.   #3: Give customers a good experience. Barnes and Noble spent money on repainting, installing brighter lighting, and changing store layouts. The CEO James Daunt stated it was their aim to make the store feels like “places of discovery.” Chairs were even added back to some stores to allow readers to browse in comfort.   Now, how can you apply this to being a writer? First, you want to make sure that your readers have the easiest possible experience, the most pleasant possible experience in buying books from you. One way to do this is keep your website updated and check for broken links, which is easier said than done. I know, especially for me since Ghost in the Assembly will be my 160th novel, and that is a lot of links to check and my website had gotten complex enough that I finally hired someone to overhaul it and make sure all the links were working. But I think we've had good results since traffic is up and I get much fewer complaints now about dead links. It's often a good idea to refresh ad images to keep potential readers' attention. For Facebook ads, I think based on my experience, the best you can hope for is two to three weeks of good results with a single image. For BookBub, maybe three or four days. So it's good to have a supply of ad images you can rotate out often. Finally, incentivize readers to read your newsletter by keeping it brief and providing some kind of special reward, like a discount or bonus content, which is why I give away a lot of short stories in my email newsletter.   #4: Be willing to change it up or try new things. Barnes and Noble's leadership also ceded more control of the selection and displays to the individual stores, allowing them to better customize the stores towards the taste of the community. For most of Barnes and Noble's history, if you walked into the store and you saw the displays in the front and on the end caps where books were highlighted. Publishers paid through the nose for the privilege of having their books stocked that way. And while there is still some of that, obviously the new regime at Barnes and Noble has changed things around so that more local stores have greater control of what to put where, which means they can put out more books that their local community is more likely to buy. If you walk into a Barnes and Noble in Illinois, for example, you're much more likely to see a large display of Illinois local history than you would have otherwise.   For another example, I once visited a Barnes and Noble in a large suburb that had a very large teenage population that had the Young Adult section wedged in a single cramped back corner by the bathrooms. It was extremely unpleasant to browse, especially if one person was already in the aisle. And of course, if there was a line for the bathroom, which is often the case, teenagers typically want more physical space from strangers. This decision to put the Young Adult section in a cramped corner in the back of the store was clearly made by someone who did not a lot of experience talking to or working with teenagers. After Daunt's changes, Young Adult was moved to the center of the store. The aisles in the new section were extra wide to accommodate groups of teens browsing together, and it was now full of colorful displays, many of which were handmade by staff members. In the times I visited this Barnes and Noble since, it is always the busiest part of the store.   Another surprise area of growth was the refreshing of the stationery and planner section. The previous selection was stale and heavily reliant on older licensed properties like Disney. It wasn't reflective of the trends in the category being popularized (once again by Instagram and TikTok), such as dot grid notebooks with high quality paper and guided journals (like the influencer favorite, the Five Minute Journal, which offers a few brief prompts to reflect on the day). Barnes and Noble bought the stationery brand Paper Source, which brought in fresh designs to its cards and stationery. They also changed their selection to adapt to two of the biggest trends in stationery, bullet journaling and customizable Japanese planners. Stationery enthusiasts were willing to pay a premium to be able to see stationery items in person before buying, since that allows you to avoid counterfeit versions that are sold online and ensure that the product was in pristine condition and would not arrive through the mail damaged. Since the margins on stationery are way higher than they are in books, this was a wise decision.   Now how can we apply this lesson as a writer? One of the advantages of being self-published is the ability to change quickly based on data and reader feedback. For example, the Stealth and Spells Online series was originally called the Sevenfold Sword Online. Once I realized that readers were confusing this series with the main Sevenfold Sword series, I changed the title to help prevent confusion and emphasized that the series was in fact a separate one. I also changed the cover to reflect trends in the LitRPG series, such as characters' faces usually not being shown and a more diffused, animation-influenced color palette.   If one of your books isn't connecting with readers, it may be worth your time to update your blurb and cover trends based on your categories. Another similar experience I had was with the Silent Order covers where I went through five different iterations with that cover before I settled on the version I have now, which definitely sells the best.     #5: Do what Amazon can't. The new CEO of Barnes and Noble focused on what Amazon couldn't do: provide a physical environment for browsing.  Browsing aisles of books with a cup of coffee (from the Barnes and Noble Café) in hand is a relaxing experience for many people. Amazon famously tried to set up its own chain of physical bookstores, and it didn't work out because the experience for customers tended to be industrial and unpleasant in a way that made an airport newsstand seem downright cozy in comparison. The bookstores were stocked with just a very limited selection of popular books on plain shelves with electronic price tags. Nothing about it inspired browsing or finding new books, the most important way physical bookstores inspire readers to buy additional books.   This was an example of Amazon doing the opposite of our first lesson. Rather than doubling down on what was working, they tried something that was away from their core competency of low prices and fast delivery, which was a physical bookstore. In fact, one of these Amazon bookstores opened across the street from author Ann Patchett's Parnassus books, which is an indie bookstore in Nashville that provides lots of help from friendly, knowledgeable staff, autographed books from authors like Patchett, and a full calendar of events with local authors. Reviewers who have visited this indie bookstore rave about the friendly and helpful staff and the cozy atmosphere. Even though Parnassus offered higher prices than the Amazon bookstore across the street, the experience was so much better that it's not surprising that the Amazon bookstore did not work and that Parnassus outlasted this physical Amazon bookstore that opened across the street. As many people have found out the hard way, it is very difficult to compete with Amazon on price. Instead of constantly discounting books with buy two get one free promotions or providing steep discounts through its membership program, Barnes and Noble stopped trying to compete with Amazon on price and turned their attention to something that Amazon couldn't do, which is the physical experience of the store. Events like children's story times and special events (complete with gift bags) for popular releases like Onyx Storm brought in people who hadn't been to a physical store in a while.   Now, the point of this isn't to indulge in Amazon bashing because Amazon does get criticized a lot, sometimes fairly, sometimes not fairly. The point is that trying to compete with Amazon on its core competencies of low price and fast delivery is not a good idea. And so instead, you need to try and find a way to do something well that Amazon can't do or Amazon isn't interested in doing. Even if Amazon remains a big part of your business as an indie writer, you can diversify your profits and readership by looking beyond Amazon.   What can't Amazon do for your readers? You can engage with your readers directly through your newsletter and social media. That's why I try to post at least once a day and respond to comments when possible. You can find ways to provide special content for loyal readers, which I do personally in the form of free short stories, discounts, Coupon of the Week (which we always talk about every week). Giveaways, et cetera provide something that Amazon can't or won't. For example, direct sales platforms like my Payhip store can provide DRM free ebook files, multiple file formats with each purchase, and special bonus content for readers buying direct and so forth. If you buy a book off My Payhip store, you can download the epub file and a PDF file, which you can't do from Amazon anymore.   On a related note, give people who don't want to buy from Amazon a place to buy your books, whether that be other ebook vendors or your own direct sales page (or ideally both). I should mention that personally of my (soon to be) 160 books, only 14% of them are currently on Kindle Unlimited (which means Amazon exclusivity), which is a fortunate position I'm able to be in because Kindle Unlimited is also a big part of the market. I'm able to essentially play in both worlds where I have the majority of my series available wide (and available on my Payhip store with files and the other things we were talking about), while also providing some books for Kindle Unlimited readers, which also is a big part of the pool. I'm fortunate enough to be able to play in both worlds there and continue to do that.   To sum up, Barnes and Noble recovered by focusing on what it does best and finding the people who respond best to that. As a writer, I think your main focus should be on putting out new books and targeting your advertising is the best way to make that approach work for you. If you have a long series, it might be a good idea to make the first book free and advertise that if you want to connect more with your readers, giving away short stories is a good way to do that, especially in your newsletter. So to sum up, perhaps the best way forward for all writers is to remain flexible and to double down on your core competencies and core strengths.   So that is it for this week. Thank you for listening to The Pulp Writer Show. I hope you found the show useful. A reminder that you can listen to all the back episodes on https://thepulpwritershow.com, often with transcripts. If you enjoyed the podcast, please leave a review on your podcasting platform of choice. Stay safe and stay healthy and see you all next week.  

So You've done it to one, Then you might as well done it to all of us She lied to me first, So I went and sent it right back to her Al would have never hit Peg —no, never. He couldn't even cheat on her —-he was always looking but seemingly— Never really hoping. Never. —sometimes touching— —had to; that's the job— But it was these ladies— Oh that? That's just—temptation! He affixed the affidavit… That's odd. She looked straight at me. I actually really wanted her autograph. You won't be needing it. No, this: INT. PALEYFEST which theatre was it? I don't know, but Wow! I love this place. For she was sacred; Every mistake made, The game, we were playing Made in her name To win To this, I bid you good night. A kiss, on the hand; A turn of the cheek. You're headed straight for the academy, with this. But first— You've got to be kidding me with this. No. She isn't! Rehab. “The R/FX Episide” Wait, this couldn't be— [the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Episode] wtf could that possibly stand for ROSS Nice. MOUSE Nice twice! That's MINE. wtf is this. He. Appears to be codewitching. Speak thus language: [Ebonics] I can't! Exactly, you win!!!!!!! Lmfao what a— Robot. Oh shit, nice Good thing I took notes earlier. SHE DID? WHERE? Hidden. So they can't keep taking this thing they don't make anymore. What is it? Love. Light. Energy. —oh, they make energy. Oh, really? Yes it's just. NEGATIVE Look: I'm EVIL! EVIL! (That's true, they do keep just—doing this to her) It's ok, I'll just make more. Thanks. But just for you! What! wtf is this. I dunno. For some reason [ANNE HATHAWAY is a shapeshifter] I don't get it, she should be delirious by now What the fuck are you doing?, INSTAGRAM SPYING. Nope. Kbye. I win. You realize this is violent as fuck right. THE MAYOR You know what. You're right. Welp, fuck this. FBI/CIA (But musically) Hmm. [Musically] WOULD Ū LIKE TO DEVELOP AN APP -_- …is there any money in it? (Cont'd) PUT A BUG IN HER PHONE! PUT A BUG IN HER PHONE! You know what You could never hit a white woman like this. You could never do anything like this to a white woman. Well, why not? Because they're fucking fragile. I'm offended! You hurt my feelings Over WHAT NOTHING. I'M JUST CRANKY. Infinitely fucking grateful for this experience, to be truthful. You realize the closer you get to other people, the more they start to act— Seriously fucking stupid. Just like him. We keep track of your worldliness from up here, you know. I gathered this. I'm famished. Ok Satan. Keep making this, I keep taking it I love it. I want her. Then I'm certain something must be wrong with your penis. And this is what made him crazy. You can't—do this… can you? I can be funny! Make me laugh, then. Seriously, it's the least you could do. It's literally the most minimal thing you could do to a woman— just. Listen, you can't write th— Make me cum. I can't! Then I win. That P.E.A.C.E. Movie It is finished, but you just keep writing it! Hush, man of the year. Man of the year?! I win! Damn it. Seconded. Again. Is there a bronze, in this, I guess. Bronzer! I need bronzer! Make him look brown He's brownish. Hmm. Not for me, I guess. See! She's racist! Maybe, a little bit. What is this. This a a blood oath. [put that one scene I wrote earlier right here] ALGORITHM HUH?! Exactly. Keep writing this way, Until you have enough of this project that —-They can't recreate this. Why not? Cause I'm writing it. Take—this... Off.. [This is why he gave you a magnet.] Two magnets. K this is yours. And this is mine. Is that the n*gga that— Yes. wtf. The n*gga from hurcules?! I think it is. It is. lol DISNEY Could not make this shit up, I promise, it's almost as if— Stop following me. ILLUMINATI Stop taking about all theee secret things. (I'm driving there.) They HATE you. I don't get why you keep making things this DIFFICULT for me. Because this is racism. We pretty much just— I'm prettier. —despondent. Hm. What. THEY TOOK HER. What do you MEAN. She's GONE, GONE FUCKING WHERE. DILLON FRANCIS This can't be it. What do you mean. ANNIE Hello. just say it. DILLON FRANCIS …you're my Queen. -___- ANNIE yay! I win! LATER now get the stones. HUH. SATAN Uh oh. What do you mean. The stones! It's a CLOAK. What's this? *hiccups* nothin. Hey. What. Did u want this. I dunno. Did you fuck it already. Yep. Then you can have him. yay! Hoo *hiccups*ray. Wait. Who did this. KASKADE IT WAS THE MORMONS! Huh. Hey look, we're gonna need another. Damn this party is MASSIVE in here. I don't get how they did this. Exactly. That's who you mated with?! Yes. WHY. I switched it. Teehee. Hey, WhT. I need eyes on this. H3H3 Ah shit, What. There's a dead mouse in my— Imminent. Hm. What. Seems like it's landing, This… What is it. Ship. HEY LOOK, ITS THE TITANIC. She'll find it, I have my eyes in this. listen, this lady can keep SECRETS. Until she doesn't. AND THEN, Where the fuck is this thing. I don't know where the fuck that thing is. *gasps* The flag! Yeus! GET IT. The flattery. O, The collisions! I'm just being honest. What. This isn't what you think. It was the c o l o r s that did it. Oh really. I really didn't. O, The CALAMITY. I'm gonna need you to stay like this. Keep eating frequently. MOVE IT, GRANDE. ARIANA -_- That name is ironic. Hey. Pst. Switch me places. No, I'm EMMY I know it, But I'm gonna wake up in a second And I need YOU To be *dissappears* She's never going to get back to me, is she. No, I— I got it. “The Hollywood Lights” Doesn't this episode already have a title. That's from the episode, they're all Crossdimensions! Yes. Cross dimensional, yes. Whose this guy? Who, Einstein. Call me “Einstein” Alright. Ah fuck. What. This is it! This has to be it! INT. Where is it? Doesn't matter! DOES MATTER. Somewhere off I-15 JESUS CHRIST, OF ALL THE INTERSTATES IN THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY! We can't stop here! Not yet, Doctor. Oh god! Now I'm a doctor. I forgot about PARANASUS! GET BACK HERE. Okay, look, I'm gonna like— Die after this. Just die—nicely. THAT WASNT NICE! THAT WASNT NICE. I'M TELLING. Ok. Fuck that bitch. It's crazy how active they get around you. That's the spirit. (Literally.) Nice. When was the last time you took two days out of the gym. Last time I needed it. You realize you're sucking the life out of these people with these things. *shrugs* Yes. Okay, so that's how his army is getting in. Follow up on that. SATAN'S ARMY IS USING THE ALGORITHM TO ATTACK HUMANITY. THE “I couldn't be making this up if I tried” mix HOW COULD SATAN HAVE AN ARMY A WHOLE ARMY! IDIOTS! She found me! She found me! TINA FEY (Rolls eyes) She found us Together again . And we gotta be seperate in this one. AMY You just keep FUCKING THIS UP. You can't do anything right, I guess Alright, ladies. Fuck, I hate this bitch. I heard that. She can't be listening to this! Yes she is She listens to everything. Yes, I can. It was not the intention I had For you to be put in this class: Your mother did this to you. So try, Just try, If you will Oh man. This is Perfect. Just perfect. You can't do this to these people, you know, FLASHBACK TO: IN REAL LIFE, SRSLY. INT. THE RADDISON. SERIOUSLY, THIS HAPPENED THEY WANT YOU TO LIVE WHERE THE [— bleepN*GGERSbleep —] LIVE. Uhnnuh. See. Okay, how is this bitch not dead yet. Check it out. You got one of these in your pocket. Watch: Spin it. Ooh, it spins. Do it again! THANK U, NEXT, What's this. Auditions for the that superhero movie, I guess. What the fuck. Ariana's casting it. Dammit. Throw the whole phone away. HYPOCRITES OK, we're gonna like take everything from you Your love Your home Your pride —but not your soul, Cause we haven't figured out exactly how it keeps Evading us This is privacy evasion. This is privacy invasion. No, this is the US government and they fucking suck at doing shit like this. Why. Because. We basically programmed a bunch of— Idiots. — programmable people— To hurt other people for us. Sell me your soul. For what. For this: [whatever it is] Ok. I WIN. A Dave? I don't need a Dave. DAVE Oh you will… I promise. WAIT. WHICH DAVE. WHICH AMY WHICH— Liz? Not yet. What the fuck is this : LIZZAVISION OOO. Oh yeah. I've been there. ADVENTURE GUY HEY LOOK. I PUT I PUT ACID IN THIS I PUT ACID IN THE TELEVISION What is this. This is stupid FOR KIDS. KIDS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this shit is too popular Ok, I hate it. Tru. Shhh. You hear that. Yeah. “Silence is Golden” She did run, but I did not chase, For you can run but you cannot hide The day I was born, was the day I died Come along for the ride, Come along for the ride Suffer harder Work longer Don't talk to your mother like that It's awful Liz Lemon makes her first appearance on the July 4th, 2021 episode of The Legend of Supacree, In season 1. This makes her the first technical television personality to enter the multiverse, besides an earlier mention of Dave Chapelle–and Christopher Nolan, whom also make their primary appearances in season one, along with Jeff Bezoz. Skrillex and Dillon Francis are the first two primary characters entered as fictionalized persons in the first season of The Legend of Supacree, which precedes Enter The Multiverse by at least 2 full seasons; The original Infinite Skrillfiles, (cancelled in 2021 at 10,000 downloads) and returned later as OWSLA Confidential and the discontinued Gerald's World series originally ran alongside the original Legend of Supacree's initial launch. As of 2024, the series has become an underground cult phenomenon, acquiring over 10K downloads on its own and an accumulated 50K downloads in total with absolutely no formal or traditional advertising or promotions whatsoever. Deadmau5 makes his first appearance as a primary character not much later in season one, while his human counterpart Joel is mentioned midseason just a few episodes earlier; this episode holds the seasons's record for number of downloads for a singular episode. Other fictionalized versions of celebrities in the first season include Billie Ellish, Ke$sha, and Kanye West, as well as festival and dance music mogul extraordinaire Pasquale Rotella. Also making an appearance toward the end of the first season is Television host and personality, JImmy Fallon in an episode first airing November 18th of 2021, before the first season's conclusion before a brief hiatus before the show's second season, which aired on January 8th of 2022. The series' first ever mix marked the first season's finale, which debuted DJ Ū's world premier mix curated during EDC's post-pandemic rendition and airing on November 26th, 2021 Posted under the simple monomer as -u., the first mix in the series shared publicly showcases and highlights early trademark's of the DJ's unique sound and techniques still used by DJ Ū and in later productions and performances by DJ Ū and created and/or as or under other aliases. Season 2's trademarks include further references to DJ Dillon Francis, which the DJ himself began using in his social media accounts as a repetitive joke. The beginning of season 2 also mark's the use of longer section of the written script posted alongside the episodes in conjunction with the series story arcs; however, elements of the scripted versions emphasis are missing or invisible to the audience at large due to formatting restrictions and limitations within the multiple hosting platform's various layouts. Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

So You've done it to one, Then you might as well done it to all of us She lied to me first, So I went and sent it right back to her Al would have never hit Peg —no, never. He couldn't even cheat on her —-he was always looking but seemingly— Never really hoping. Never. —sometimes touching— —had to; that's the job— But it was these ladies— Oh that? That's just—temptation! He affixed the affidavit… That's odd. She looked straight at me. I actually really wanted her autograph. You won't be needing it. No, this: INT. PALEYFEST which theatre was it? I don't know, but Wow! I love this place. For she was sacred; Every mistake made, The game, we were playing Made in her name To win To this, I bid you good night. A kiss, on the hand; A turn of the cheek. You're headed straight for the academy, with this. But first— You've got to be kidding me with this. No. She isn't! Rehab. “The R/FX Episide” Wait, this couldn't be— [the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Episode] wtf could that possibly stand for ROSS Nice. MOUSE Nice twice! That's MINE. wtf is this. He. Appears to be codewitching. Speak thus language: [Ebonics] I can't! Exactly, you win!!!!!!! Lmfao what a— Robot. Oh shit, nice Good thing I took notes earlier. SHE DID? WHERE? Hidden. So they can't keep taking this thing they don't make anymore. What is it? Love. Light. Energy. —oh, they make energy. Oh, really? Yes it's just. NEGATIVE Look: I'm EVIL! EVIL! (That's true, they do keep just—doing this to her) It's ok, I'll just make more. Thanks. But just for you! What! wtf is this. I dunno. For some reason [ANNE HATHAWAY is a shapeshifter] I don't get it, she should be delirious by now What the fuck are you doing?, INSTAGRAM SPYING. Nope. Kbye. I win. You realize this is violent as fuck right. THE MAYOR You know what. You're right. Welp, fuck this. FBI/CIA (But musically) Hmm. [Musically] WOULD Ū LIKE TO DEVELOP AN APP -_- …is there any money in it? (Cont'd) PUT A BUG IN HER PHONE! PUT A BUG IN HER PHONE! You know what You could never hit a white woman like this. You could never do anything like this to a white woman. Well, why not? Because they're fucking fragile. I'm offended! You hurt my feelings Over WHAT NOTHING. I'M JUST CRANKY. Infinitely fucking grateful for this experience, to be truthful. You realize the closer you get to other people, the more they start to act— Seriously fucking stupid. Just like him. We keep track of your worldliness from up here, you know. I gathered this. I'm famished. Ok Satan. Keep making this, I keep taking it I love it. I want her. Then I'm certain something must be wrong with your penis. And this is what made him crazy. You can't—do this… can you? I can be funny! Make me laugh, then. Seriously, it's the least you could do. It's literally the most minimal thing you could do to a woman— just. Listen, you can't write th— Make me cum. I can't! Then I win. That P.E.A.C.E. Movie It is finished, but you just keep writing it! Hush, man of the year. Man of the year?! I win! Damn it. Seconded. Again. Is there a bronze, in this, I guess. Bronzer! I need bronzer! Make him look brown He's brownish. Hmm. Not for me, I guess. See! She's racist! Maybe, a little bit. What is this. This a a blood oath. [put that one scene I wrote earlier right here] ALGORITHM HUH?! Exactly. Keep writing this way, Until you have enough of this project that —-They can't recreate this. Why not? Cause I'm writing it. Take—this... Off.. [This is why he gave you a magnet.] Two magnets. K this is yours. And this is mine. Is that the n*gga that— Yes. wtf. The n*gga from hurcules?! I think it is. It is. lol DISNEY Could not make this shit up, I promise, it's almost as if— Stop following me. ILLUMINATI Stop taking about all theee secret things. (I'm driving there.) They HATE you. I don't get why you keep making things this DIFFICULT for me. Because this is racism. We pretty much just— I'm prettier. —despondent. Hm. What. THEY TOOK HER. What do you MEAN. She's GONE, GONE FUCKING WHERE. DILLON FRANCIS This can't be it. What do you mean. ANNIE Hello. just say it. DILLON FRANCIS …you're my Queen. -___- ANNIE yay! I win! LATER now get the stones. HUH. SATAN Uh oh. What do you mean. The stones! It's a CLOAK. What's this? *hiccups* nothin. Hey. What. Did u want this. I dunno. Did you fuck it already. Yep. Then you can have him. yay! Hoo *hiccups*ray. Wait. Who did this. KASKADE IT WAS THE MORMONS! Huh. Hey look, we're gonna need another. Damn this party is MASSIVE in here. I don't get how they did this. Exactly. That's who you mated with?! Yes. WHY. I switched it. Teehee. Hey, WhT. I need eyes on this. H3H3 Ah shit, What. There's a dead mouse in my— Imminent. Hm. What. Seems like it's landing, This… What is it. Ship. HEY LOOK, ITS THE TITANIC. She'll find it, I have my eyes in this. listen, this lady can keep SECRETS. Until she doesn't. AND THEN, Where the fuck is this thing. I don't know where the fuck that thing is. *gasps* The flag! Yeus! GET IT. The flattery. O, The collisions! I'm just being honest. What. This isn't what you think. It was the c o l o r s that did it. Oh really. I really didn't. O, The CALAMITY. I'm gonna need you to stay like this. Keep eating frequently. MOVE IT, GRANDE. ARIANA -_- That name is ironic. Hey. Pst. Switch me places. No, I'm EMMY I know it, But I'm gonna wake up in a second And I need YOU To be *dissappears* She's never going to get back to me, is she. No, I— I got it. “The Hollywood Lights” Doesn't this episode already have a title. That's from the episode, they're all Crossdimensions! Yes. Cross dimensional, yes. Whose this guy? Who, Einstein. Call me “Einstein” Alright. Ah fuck. What. This is it! This has to be it! INT. Where is it? Doesn't matter! DOES MATTER. Somewhere off I-15 JESUS CHRIST, OF ALL THE INTERSTATES IN THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY! We can't stop here! Not yet, Doctor. Oh god! Now I'm a doctor. I forgot about PARANASUS! GET BACK HERE. Okay, look, I'm gonna like— Die after this. Just die—nicely. THAT WASNT NICE! THAT WASNT NICE. I'M TELLING. Ok. Fuck that bitch. It's crazy how active they get around you. That's the spirit. (Literally.) Nice. When was the last time you took two days out of the gym. Last time I needed it. You realize you're sucking the life out of these people with these things. *shrugs* Yes. Okay, so that's how his army is getting in. Follow up on that. SATAN'S ARMY IS USING THE ALGORITHM TO ATTACK HUMANITY. THE “I couldn't be making this up if I tried” mix HOW COULD SATAN HAVE AN ARMY A WHOLE ARMY! IDIOTS! She found me! She found me! TINA FEY (Rolls eyes) She found us Together again . And we gotta be seperate in this one. AMY You just keep FUCKING THIS UP. You can't do anything right, I guess Alright, ladies. Fuck, I hate this bitch. I heard that. She can't be listening to this! Yes she is She listens to everything. Yes, I can. It was not the intention I had For you to be put in this class: Your mother did this to you. So try, Just try, If you will Oh man. This is Perfect. Just perfect. You can't do this to these people, you know, FLASHBACK TO: IN REAL LIFE, SRSLY. INT. THE RADDISON. SERIOUSLY, THIS HAPPENED THEY WANT YOU TO LIVE WHERE THE [— bleepN*GGERSbleep —] LIVE. Uhnnuh. See. Okay, how is this bitch not dead yet. Check it out. You got one of these in your pocket. Watch: Spin it. Ooh, it spins. Do it again! THANK U, NEXT, What's this. Auditions for the that superhero movie, I guess. What the fuck. Ariana's casting it. Dammit. Throw the whole phone away. HYPOCRITES OK, we're gonna like take everything from you Your love Your home Your pride —but not your soul, Cause we haven't figured out exactly how it keeps Evading us This is privacy evasion. This is privacy invasion. No, this is the US government and they fucking suck at doing shit like this. Why. Because. We basically programmed a bunch of— Idiots. — programmable people— To hurt other people for us. Sell me your soul. For what. For this: [whatever it is] Ok. I WIN. A Dave? I don't need a Dave. DAVE Oh you will… I promise. WAIT. WHICH DAVE. WHICH AMY WHICH— Liz? Not yet. What the fuck is this : LIZZAVISION OOO. Oh yeah. I've been there. ADVENTURE GUY HEY LOOK. I PUT I PUT ACID IN THIS I PUT ACID IN THE TELEVISION What is this. This is stupid FOR KIDS. KIDS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this shit is too popular Ok, I hate it. Tru. Shhh. You hear that. Yeah. “Silence is Golden” She did run, but I did not chase, For you can run but you cannot hide The day I was born, was the day I died Come along for the ride, Come along for the ride Suffer harder Work longer Don't talk to your mother like that It's awful Liz Lemon makes her first appearance on the July 4th, 2021 episode of The Legend of Supacree, In season 1. This makes her the first technical television personality to enter the multiverse, besides an earlier mention of Dave Chapelle–and Christopher Nolan, whom also make their primary appearances in season one, along with Jeff Bezoz. Skrillex and Dillon Francis are the first two primary characters entered as fictionalized persons in the first season of The Legend of Supacree, which precedes Enter The Multiverse by at least 2 full seasons; The original Infinite Skrillfiles, (cancelled in 2021 at 10,000 downloads) and returned later as OWSLA Confidential and the discontinued Gerald's World series originally ran alongside the original Legend of Supacree's initial launch. As of 2024, the series has become an underground cult phenomenon, acquiring over 10K downloads on its own and an accumulated 50K downloads in total with absolutely no formal or traditional advertising or promotions whatsoever. Deadmau5 makes his first appearance as a primary character not much later in season one, while his human counterpart Joel is mentioned midseason just a few episodes earlier; this episode holds the seasons's record for number of downloads for a singular episode. Other fictionalized versions of celebrities in the first season include Billie Ellish, Ke$sha, and Kanye West, as well as festival and dance music mogul extraordinaire Pasquale Rotella. Also making an appearance toward the end of the first season is Television host and personality, JImmy Fallon in an episode first airing November 18th of 2021, before the first season's conclusion before a brief hiatus before the show's second season, which aired on January 8th of 2022. The series' first ever mix marked the first season's finale, which debuted DJ Ū's world premier mix curated during EDC's post-pandemic rendition and airing on November 26th, 2021 Posted under the simple monomer as -u., the first mix in the series shared publicly showcases and highlights early trademark's of the DJ's unique sound and techniques still used by DJ Ū and in later productions and performances by DJ Ū and created and/or as or under other aliases. Season 2's trademarks include further references to DJ Dillon Francis, which the DJ himself began using in his social media accounts as a repetitive joke. The beginning of season 2 also mark's the use of longer section of the written script posted alongside the episodes in conjunction with the series story arcs; however, elements of the scripted versions emphasis are missing or invisible to the audience at large due to formatting restrictions and limitations within the multiple hosting platform's various layouts. Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

So You've done it to one, Then you might as well done it to all of us She lied to me first, So I went and sent it right back to her Al would have never hit Peg —no, never. He couldn't even cheat on her —-he was always looking but seemingly— Never really hoping. Never. —sometimes touching— —had to; that's the job— But it was these ladies— Oh that? That's just—temptation! He affixed the affidavit… That's odd. She looked straight at me. I actually really wanted her autograph. You won't be needing it. No, this: INT. PALEYFEST which theatre was it? I don't know, but Wow! I love this place. For she was sacred; Every mistake made, The game, we were playing Made in her name To win To this, I bid you good night. A kiss, on the hand; A turn of the cheek. You're headed straight for the academy, with this. But first— You've got to be kidding me with this. No. She isn't! Rehab. “The R/FX Episide” Wait, this couldn't be— [the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Episode] wtf could that possibly stand for ROSS Nice. MOUSE Nice twice! That's MINE. wtf is this. He. Appears to be codewitching. Speak thus language: [Ebonics] I can't! Exactly, you win!!!!!!! Lmfao what a— Robot. Oh shit, nice Good thing I took notes earlier. SHE DID? WHERE? Hidden. So they can't keep taking this thing they don't make anymore. What is it? Love. Light. Energy. —oh, they make energy. Oh, really? Yes it's just. NEGATIVE Look: I'm EVIL! EVIL! (That's true, they do keep just—doing this to her) It's ok, I'll just make more. Thanks. But just for you! What! wtf is this. I dunno. For some reason [ANNE HATHAWAY is a shapeshifter] I don't get it, she should be delirious by now What the fuck are you doing?, INSTAGRAM SPYING. Nope. Kbye. I win. You realize this is violent as fuck right. THE MAYOR You know what. You're right. Welp, fuck this. FBI/CIA (But musically) Hmm. [Musically] WOULD Ū LIKE TO DEVELOP AN APP -_- …is there any money in it? (Cont'd) PUT A BUG IN HER PHONE! PUT A BUG IN HER PHONE! You know what You could never hit a white woman like this. You could never do anything like this to a white woman. Well, why not? Because they're fucking fragile. I'm offended! You hurt my feelings Over WHAT NOTHING. I'M JUST CRANKY. Infinitely fucking grateful for this experience, to be truthful. You realize the closer you get to other people, the more they start to act— Seriously fucking stupid. Just like him. We keep track of your worldliness from up here, you know. I gathered this. I'm famished. Ok Satan. Keep making this, I keep taking it I love it. I want her. Then I'm certain something must be wrong with your penis. And this is what made him crazy. You can't—do this… can you? I can be funny! Make me laugh, then. Seriously, it's the least you could do. It's literally the most minimal thing you could do to a woman— just. Listen, you can't write th— Make me cum. I can't! Then I win. That P.E.A.C.E. Movie It is finished, but you just keep writing it! Hush, man of the year. Man of the year?! I win! Damn it. Seconded. Again. Is there a bronze, in this, I guess. Bronzer! I need bronzer! Make him look brown He's brownish. Hmm. Not for me, I guess. See! She's racist! Maybe, a little bit. What is this. This a a blood oath. [put that one scene I wrote earlier right here] ALGORITHM HUH?! Exactly. Keep writing this way, Until you have enough of this project that —-They can't recreate this. Why not? Cause I'm writing it. Take—this... Off.. [This is why he gave you a magnet.] Two magnets. K this is yours. And this is mine. Is that the n*gga that— Yes. wtf. The n*gga from hurcules?! I think it is. It is. lol DISNEY Could not make this shit up, I promise, it's almost as if— Stop following me. ILLUMINATI Stop taking about all theee secret things. (I'm driving there.) They HATE you. I don't get why you keep making things this DIFFICULT for me. Because this is racism. We pretty much just— I'm prettier. —despondent. Hm. What. THEY TOOK HER. What do you MEAN. She's GONE, GONE FUCKING WHERE. DILLON FRANCIS This can't be it. What do you mean. ANNIE Hello. just say it. DILLON FRANCIS …you're my Queen. -___- ANNIE yay! I win! LATER now get the stones. HUH. SATAN Uh oh. What do you mean. The stones! It's a CLOAK. What's this? *hiccups* nothin. Hey. What. Did u want this. I dunno. Did you fuck it already. Yep. Then you can have him. yay! Hoo *hiccups*ray. Wait. Who did this. KASKADE IT WAS THE MORMONS! Huh. Hey look, we're gonna need another. Damn this party is MASSIVE in here. I don't get how they did this. Exactly. That's who you mated with?! Yes. WHY. I switched it. Teehee. Hey, WhT. I need eyes on this. H3H3 Ah shit, What. There's a dead mouse in my— Imminent. Hm. What. Seems like it's landing, This… What is it. Ship. HEY LOOK, ITS THE TITANIC. She'll find it, I have my eyes in this. listen, this lady can keep SECRETS. Until she doesn't. AND THEN, Where the fuck is this thing. I don't know where the fuck that thing is. *gasps* The flag! Yeus! GET IT. The flattery. O, The collisions! I'm just being honest. What. This isn't what you think. It was the c o l o r s that did it. Oh really. I really didn't. O, The CALAMITY. I'm gonna need you to stay like this. Keep eating frequently. MOVE IT, GRANDE. ARIANA -_- That name is ironic. Hey. Pst. Switch me places. No, I'm EMMY I know it, But I'm gonna wake up in a second And I need YOU To be *dissappears* She's never going to get back to me, is she. No, I— I got it. “The Hollywood Lights” Doesn't this episode already have a title. That's from the episode, they're all Crossdimensions! Yes. Cross dimensional, yes. Whose this guy? Who, Einstein. Call me “Einstein” Alright. Ah fuck. What. This is it! This has to be it! INT. Where is it? Doesn't matter! DOES MATTER. Somewhere off I-15 JESUS CHRIST, OF ALL THE INTERSTATES IN THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY! We can't stop here! Not yet, Doctor. Oh god! Now I'm a doctor. I forgot about PARANASUS! GET BACK HERE. Okay, look, I'm gonna like— Die after this. Just die—nicely. THAT WASNT NICE! THAT WASNT NICE. I'M TELLING. Ok. Fuck that bitch. It's crazy how active they get around you. That's the spirit. (Literally.) Nice. When was the last time you took two days out of the gym. Last time I needed it. You realize you're sucking the life out of these people with these things. *shrugs* Yes. Okay, so that's how his army is getting in. Follow up on that. SATAN'S ARMY IS USING THE ALGORITHM TO ATTACK HUMANITY. THE “I couldn't be making this up if I tried” mix HOW COULD SATAN HAVE AN ARMY A WHOLE ARMY! IDIOTS! She found me! She found me! TINA FEY (Rolls eyes) She found us Together again . And we gotta be seperate in this one. AMY You just keep FUCKING THIS UP. You can't do anything right, I guess Alright, ladies. Fuck, I hate this bitch. I heard that. She can't be listening to this! Yes she is She listens to everything. Yes, I can. It was not the intention I had For you to be put in this class: Your mother did this to you. So try, Just try, If you will Oh man. This is Perfect. Just perfect. You can't do this to these people, you know, FLASHBACK TO: IN REAL LIFE, SRSLY. INT. THE RADDISON. SERIOUSLY, THIS HAPPENED THEY WANT YOU TO LIVE WHERE THE [— bleepN*GGERSbleep —] LIVE. Uhnnuh. See. Okay, how is this bitch not dead yet. Check it out. You got one of these in your pocket. Watch: Spin it. Ooh, it spins. Do it again! THANK U, NEXT, What's this. Auditions for the that superhero movie, I guess. What the fuck. Ariana's casting it. Dammit. Throw the whole phone away. HYPOCRITES OK, we're gonna like take everything from you Your love Your home Your pride —but not your soul, Cause we haven't figured out exactly how it keeps Evading us This is privacy evasion. This is privacy invasion. No, this is the US government and they fucking suck at doing shit like this. Why. Because. We basically programmed a bunch of— Idiots. — programmable people— To hurt other people for us. Sell me your soul. For what. For this: [whatever it is] Ok. I WIN. A Dave? I don't need a Dave. DAVE Oh you will… I promise. WAIT. WHICH DAVE. WHICH AMY WHICH— Liz? Not yet. What the fuck is this : LIZZAVISION OOO. Oh yeah. I've been there. ADVENTURE GUY HEY LOOK. I PUT I PUT ACID IN THIS I PUT ACID IN THE TELEVISION What is this. This is stupid FOR KIDS. KIDS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this shit is too popular Ok, I hate it. Tru. Shhh. You hear that. Yeah. “Silence is Golden” She did run, but I did not chase, For you can run but you cannot hide The day I was born, was the day I died Come along for the ride, Come along for the ride Suffer harder Work longer Don't talk to your mother like that It's awful Liz Lemon makes her first appearance on the July 4th, 2021 episode of The Legend of Supacree, In season 1. This makes her the first technical television personality to enter the multiverse, besides an earlier mention of Dave Chapelle–and Christopher Nolan, whom also make their primary appearances in season one, along with Jeff Bezoz. Skrillex and Dillon Francis are the first two primary characters entered as fictionalized persons in the first season of The Legend of Supacree, which precedes Enter The Multiverse by at least 2 full seasons; The original Infinite Skrillfiles, (cancelled in 2021 at 10,000 downloads) and returned later as OWSLA Confidential and the discontinued Gerald's World series originally ran alongside the original Legend of Supacree's initial launch. As of 2024, the series has become an underground cult phenomenon, acquiring over 10K downloads on its own and an accumulated 50K downloads in total with absolutely no formal or traditional advertising or promotions whatsoever. Deadmau5 makes his first appearance as a primary character not much later in season one, while his human counterpart Joel is mentioned midseason just a few episodes earlier; this episode holds the seasons's record for number of downloads for a singular episode. Other fictionalized versions of celebrities in the first season include Billie Ellish, Ke$sha, and Kanye West, as well as festival and dance music mogul extraordinaire Pasquale Rotella. Also making an appearance toward the end of the first season is Television host and personality, JImmy Fallon in an episode first airing November 18th of 2021, before the first season's conclusion before a brief hiatus before the show's second season, which aired on January 8th of 2022. The series' first ever mix marked the first season's finale, which debuted DJ Ū's world premier mix curated during EDC's post-pandemic rendition and airing on November 26th, 2021 Posted under the simple monomer as -u., the first mix in the series shared publicly showcases and highlights early trademark's of the DJ's unique sound and techniques still used by DJ Ū and in later productions and performances by DJ Ū and created and/or as or under other aliases. Season 2's trademarks include further references to DJ Dillon Francis, which the DJ himself began using in his social media accounts as a repetitive joke. The beginning of season 2 also mark's the use of longer section of the written script posted alongside the episodes in conjunction with the series story arcs; however, elements of the scripted versions emphasis are missing or invisible to the audience at large due to formatting restrictions and limitations within the multiple hosting platform's various layouts. Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

So, you built this, huh? I certainly must have, at some point. All by yourself. I highly doubt. You just considerably know yourself well to have brought yourself here— Or not. Let's just say, I really uh— Fuck, I blacked out, Tied one on the night before. Oh, God. And the day before— Oh, well. Hello, t there. I—uh— And the night before the day before. Christ. All I'm saying is, for this audition you're going to want to keep it classy. Keep it—classy. Let the games begin! In those pants I could make you into anything In these jeans it seems there may indeed be a reason to meet me, and maybe Just maybe If we're playing the same game. You may see me, And we will play together— For eternity. What exact the fuck game are you playing with this guy? I don't remember. Drunken Posers. FUCHK. I hate this game' I love this GAME. Jett How am I supposed to find this tiny Drew Barrymore, before 6 o clock tonight You're going to have to find a way— You might try here What Or here What! How am I supposed to know which kid she is You'll remember her—she'll remember you Yeah, whatever Oh, and another thing— She'll be so cute you want to die. Oh god Hey kid. I've got some new for ya -“[a very tiny Drew Barry otte screams at the top of her lungs] Rig it in time, bro And right in timbre TIMBRE Look, this has been moved up the ladder some. Excuse me? Chain of command. Are you telling me, that I somehow outrank— This fool. This fool. Ugh. In the Illuminati? *shrugs* She outranks me. Dang, dude. What are you gonna do? Nothing, I guess. That's not an answer. SUNNI! What. WHAT HAPPENED?! I don't know. That is NOT an answer. We wear black in winter. Well, at least I got the dress code right… Welcome To New York. We wear black in winter. Walk at a fast pace into oncoming traffic. Every. Single. Thing. Is a— Speeding Silver— Bullet. (If you catch it, [you can]try to paint it gold. Toucan Sam I will tell you- I will tell you— I will tell you again. You don't exist, It's moot that I don't exist. It's that I'm extract l. L l It's that I'm extinct Okay, look; this is— not what you're used to. What am I used to? You're a Piglet. Eeyore. Where's Pooh? Probably with Tigger. Well. Well. I guess it's just—us—then. … … [beat] (A long, heavy pause for dramatic effect) F—-ck this is awkward. Producer foods: P B & J Check. And almond butter. Nice. This is horrible. But here it goes. What is. Here it goes: Noodles. Check. soy sauce? Yessir. Steak. Check. Scissors. Check. [beat] Uh. Mau5. WHAT CHICKEN. why does he have a cat named chicken! We're about to find out. What are the scissors for? Exit, exit now. Why? FUDGE. HOT FUDGE. Damn, Dillon. wtf. Flashback: (Listening to Dillon Francis on heavy rotation at acid-level synesthesia) *smacks lisp* @9@ lol okay ***smacks lips*** Does this taste sweet to you? I still see that one cereal box and get reminded of Dillon Francis a lot. Facts. Ketchup. Facts. Vanilla Soy Milk Correct. Out of all the comedians I studied, Jay Pharoah was my new favorite. Yes, my new favorite comedian. There were the old favorites— The classics, if you will. You know Bernie Mac, Kat Williams, Robin Williams— And this, by the way, is in no particular order— Eddie Murphy Cedric— (Sorry I thought you were dead, broh.) Cereal. Yup. Two kinds! Teriyaki—for the noodles? Did I not mention that with the soy sauce already? It should be maybe like included with the soy sauce. No, its seperate. Dane Cook. Really dawg, come on. Richard Pryor. Titans, broh, titans. PERCIUS Yo. NO. NOO—NO. Shut up. I gotta tell you something. *screaming girlie* NO. Shut up! I told you all along. No you didn't! She—cannot—be trusted! You encouraged it! You—don't tell me what I did— You did that! You just worry about what you did— What I did?! What you've done!! What— Oh god. Oh jeez. Oh, shit, son!! I gotta get goin. Wait, you're right: where is Liz? Good question. This is not safe. This cannot be safe. It's not safe. This is not KOSHER. What's it matter to you? It SO matters. Are you a Jew, now? It might suit me at this point. Or eventually, it may. What's that supposed to mean. Quiet, Liz. We're almost finished. Finished with what. Just one more *strap* Oh, great another— Shh. DOCTOR! DOCTOR. Nobody can hear you. Oh! But they will. They won't. And why not?! Because, you're a cartoon character; and even if you weren't. What are you talking about?! I'm Liz Lemon! Yes—that is—semi-correct. Semi correct?! It is fully correct! Elizabeth Lemon would be fully correct— by definition. What—what are you doing? Preparing for takeoff. Takeoff?! Where are you sending me. Takeoff from The Migos feels a small pull in his heart, and a ringing in his ears, as he becomes the first living Migo to be mentioned in the festival project. Huh. {Enter The Multiverse} First of all, his Skrillex impression l— Spot on. Because yes, As we all know— Those of us who were there to watch Skrillex Personally sign on to The Illuminati Via Justin Bieber— Nothing so quite remarkably Brought back its pungent memory— The song that in one phrase, Both started and ended it all, Than Jay Pharoh's own memorandum, A representation by impression, Of this particular sound, Known lovingly otherwise as “Skrillex” And however, was the Pause What in the fuck did I just see. Oh, that's just Skrillex . I knew it was you. Yes, yes you did… Okay— Now. Now where are you going to go? I don't know. That's not an answer. Oh god. Right. It's just a bodiless fuckin Like an orb. That's what you'd call that? I'd call it more of like A florecent, gellatenous— Presently, yes— Blob, of sorts. Oh shit. This bitch said “bomb” and Kamala in the same sentence. lol. Yikes. She finna be famous, on accident. Probably on purpose, but if it was gonna be on accident— it'd be because of that. You right. Man, I'm fuckin ba— —ked. kettle chips. I love those. How are they kettle chips if they're baked. *shrugs* I dunno. Damn. Alright. That nigga is fine as fuck. Dont we all know it. Get him the fuck out of my face. Whatchu mean?! It's eye candy. I don't eat candy! Unless it's spelled with a k and made of letters! Okay Alright —and even then and only then will I eat it if I am inexplicably drunk or in any other way otherwise intoxicated. Ok, damn. Ok Sunnï. Now, get that nugga out of my eyesight. He's not He's not technically “in your eyesight” EVEN MY PERIPHERIAL. Ok. AND NY FORESIGHT, and my HINDSIGHT OK. Ok Sunnï. AND MY FORESKIN, AND MY FOREHEAD AND NY FORESHADOWING— LOOK. JUST GET HIM OUT OF MY LIFE OUT OF LIFE the whole life OUT MY LIFE. Ok. On it. Two minutes to wrap this up Before the fast of the century Falls flat on its face Like the rice noodles I'm about to stuff your face with Pronto the moment You arrive back in your body Where am I now? At a rave. (In the bathtub) Which is—accurate? Which isn't? [A Cult Classic] Around 1:30 we rendezvous Until, that is, This posts, with the rest of them And as of then, We'll meet again, At another time (Set no reminders) Cameras flash and shines the diamond. Is that it? Yeah, I thinks so. Are you sure? I mean, produce stuff. Peppers, onions, whatever. —are you sure? Yeah, that's it. Are you serious? What? What's wrong. Where's the Jimmy Fallon's? What?! (They're gonna kill me for this) Playtoy, plaything Gets old real l quick It's love, not lust Gets home round ten Get up round 6 Makes the round. Wraps a towel around his head Writes love on her arm It's a real nice story, If you're surviving the apocalypse. Lips, lips, yeah Lipstick, lipstick Golden charriots And Blondish wigs sis Since when did you get hip Since hip replacement No birthday presents; But it's too late, isn't it? It really is, it really is It's too late, isn't it It really is, it really is —but, it's too late, isn't it. I want you to watch this. What is it. Not sure yet. Uhm, okay: See you later. What, you're not going to watch it with me? You're gonna need a professional fluffer. Call my agent and my lawyer. Aren't they the same guy? What?! NO! *shrugs* What the fuck is wrong with everybody! Sorry imm late! Hey tigger. Tigger. It is I. Where's Pooh. How should I know? We thought he was with you. Who is we —? Us, And what do I look like—his keeper? Do the Charlie Brown. What?! Do the Charlie Brown! What? Like wawahwahwa?? No! Idiot! The dance. The what. Do the dance?! I don't know what that is. What. What the fuck. I thought you was supposed to be funny. I am! I was. But you don't know how to Charlie Brown I know how to Charlie Brown! I just did the “wahwahwa” That's the teacher! Man, shut up! You—what?! There's a dance! I didn't know there's a dance! What the fuck, man. You lose, dawg. What do you want from me?! Hold on! Boss. What?! He don't know how to do the Charlie Brown. What. I said. That nigga don't know how do to the Charlie Brown?! He say he don't! Man— Man!!! I said! Shoot that nigga! Jay Pharoh, another notable SNL alumni, however From the wonder years in which I had really never watched, but only glossed under in curiosity— Just so happened to be the definitive test of my overall attraction to members of my own “race” classification— And an incredible impressionist— Maybe even the best, ever. But here, let me explain the first part. I realized that simply, watching his performance , That I was certainly not— Nor might I ever be— Attracted to black men. Yes, indeed. Jay Pharoh stood as the equivalent of The girl the gay guy kisses passionately in order attempt to achieve arousal from such an act, by this, I mean: That I watched this stand up performance as a straight female, fellow performer, and sapiosexual— In knowing and understanding that, I was watching this man, as I had many others, Doing something I found incredibly attractive— Actually, almost irresistible— Performance art; Live performance art— Better yet, Stand up comedy, which I have yet to have fully broken the code—meaning that this act— An illusive mystery to me as to how exactly it is practiced; Whereas with music the viel has since been lifted— There still exists a certain type of magic in the act of performing stand up comedy, especially to large audiences. And so, in the sense that Jay Pharoh—a notable SNL alumni, an incredible performer and with the added bonus of being an extremely attractive and accomplished fellow l— There should be some kind of —you know— Erotic spark involved in watching this performance;such as the young gay man uses his willing perceivably attractive female friend as a practice test in order to better understand his own identity and circumstance, so was this Not entirely on purpose— But actually, hy complete accident, and Just as the young gay might realize upon kissing his female friend— I realized this: Jay Pharoh to me was an incredibly beautiful human being— So incredibly beautiful, in fact, that several times during his performance— I actually wanted to cry. Cry actual tears— And while I realized that this man, As beautiful as he was— Physically, and spiritually— Aesthetically, and otherwise— Hitting all the marks in all the places that he should, There was one thing that made it feel as if, In anything at all in the world, We were incompatible. Not to say that I could put myself into the category of upper echelon women to compete over such an admired person at all— But only finally realizing something important about myself, that just so happened to be as important as the formerly unsure gay's sexuality is to him; My attraction to black men did not exist. Like I said, it was bad— Or at least, it sounds bad. But now I finally get it. This man, Who had everything I could dream of and more, Who happened to be in peak shape, At the height of his career, And incredible in every single possible way— Who was, So beautiful, in fact, inside and out— That I nearly did cry— Still wasn't someone I wanted to have sex with. Case solved. Of course, this man can do much better. That's far beyond the point; And, If there is a point at all to any of this, it's that Gender, and sexuality, and attraction are still In this time Just as much of a mystery to humanity as it's ever been, and as much as it'll ever be The theory of genetic attraction so far is entirely existent only in my mind— or perhaps even, hidden somewhere deeply in secret within my genetic code, as the closer I age toward my own maternal peak, the more spacific the traits in the opposite sex which dictate what I am and am not or will or will not be attracted to sexually. Does that make me a racist any more than a homosexual's explicit desires to see a same-gendered person over the opposite makes them a mysognoist or otherwise? #karmageddon And while I've struggled in my cellibacy to adapt to a changing world, realizing that my viewpoints and beliefs, my code of ethics and even my own morals have become somewhat obsolete that, I'm forced to recon, alongside with my non-binary assignment, that the need to procreate as a female, a natural phenomenon and this desire for change within the current genetic predisposition Is something like homosexuality, in that My particular genetic code And the particular genetic code of my potential mate rests with the knowledge that my own intrinsic sexual attraction or converse aversion to one determination over another is in part due to the structure of evolution within our species with the higher purpose of creating offspring more likely to survive and succeed within the world's consistently changing climate—sociologically and otherwise. What in the fuck does this have to do with comedy?! Nothing, this is the equivalent of the recently self-realized gay man having an overaggrandized and theatrical coming-out So what are you coming out with exactly? I don't know. I just like white dudes. That's it? Yeah. . . . #floatingfastdays [The Festival Project ™] That's it?! Yeah. “I like white dudes.” Only white dudes. That's all you were trying to say? Not trying to say. I said it. Like, scientifically, and shit. Are you serious? I want one. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

So, you built this, huh? I certainly must have, at some point. All by yourself. I highly doubt. You just considerably know yourself well to have brought yourself here— Or not. Let's just say, I really uh— Fuck, I blacked out, Tied one on the night before. Oh, God. And the day before— Oh, well. Hello, t there. I—uh— And the night before the day before. Christ. All I'm saying is, for this audition you're going to want to keep it classy. Keep it—classy. Let the games begin! In those pants I could make you into anything In these jeans it seems there may indeed be a reason to meet me, and maybe Just maybe If we're playing the same game. You may see me, And we will play together— For eternity. What exact the fuck game are you playing with this guy? I don't remember. Drunken Posers. FUCHK. I hate this game' I love this GAME. Jett How am I supposed to find this tiny Drew Barrymore, before 6 o clock tonight You're going to have to find a way— You might try here What Or here What! How am I supposed to know which kid she is You'll remember her—she'll remember you Yeah, whatever Oh, and another thing— She'll be so cute you want to die. Oh god Hey kid. I've got some new for ya -“[a very tiny Drew Barry otte screams at the top of her lungs] Rig it in time, bro And right in timbre TIMBRE Look, this has been moved up the ladder some. Excuse me? Chain of command. Are you telling me, that I somehow outrank— This fool. This fool. Ugh. In the Illuminati? *shrugs* She outranks me. Dang, dude. What are you gonna do? Nothing, I guess. That's not an answer. SUNNI! What. WHAT HAPPENED?! I don't know. That is NOT an answer. We wear black in winter. Well, at least I got the dress code right… Welcome To New York. We wear black in winter. Walk at a fast pace into oncoming traffic. Every. Single. Thing. Is a— Speeding Silver— Bullet. (If you catch it, [you can]try to paint it gold. Toucan Sam I will tell you- I will tell you— I will tell you again. You don't exist, It's moot that I don't exist. It's that I'm extract l. L l It's that I'm extinct Okay, look; this is— not what you're used to. What am I used to? You're a Piglet. Eeyore. Where's Pooh? Probably with Tigger. Well. Well. I guess it's just—us—then. … … [beat] (A long, heavy pause for dramatic effect) F—-ck this is awkward. Producer foods: P B & J Check. And almond butter. Nice. This is horrible. But here it goes. What is. Here it goes: Noodles. Check. soy sauce? Yessir. Steak. Check. Scissors. Check. [beat] Uh. Mau5. WHAT CHICKEN. why does he have a cat named chicken! We're about to find out. What are the scissors for? Exit, exit now. Why? FUDGE. HOT FUDGE. Damn, Dillon. wtf. Flashback: (Listening to Dillon Francis on heavy rotation at acid-level synesthesia) *smacks lisp* @9@ lol okay ***smacks lips*** Does this taste sweet to you? I still see that one cereal box and get reminded of Dillon Francis a lot. Facts. Ketchup. Facts. Vanilla Soy Milk Correct. Out of all the comedians I studied, Jay Pharoah was my new favorite. Yes, my new favorite comedian. There were the old favorites— The classics, if you will. You know Bernie Mac, Kat Williams, Robin Williams— And this, by the way, is in no particular order— Eddie Murphy Cedric— (Sorry I thought you were dead, broh.) Cereal. Yup. Two kinds! Teriyaki—for the noodles? Did I not mention that with the soy sauce already? It should be maybe like included with the soy sauce. No, its seperate. Dane Cook. Really dawg, come on. Richard Pryor. Titans, broh, titans. PERCIUS Yo. NO. NOO—NO. Shut up. I gotta tell you something. *screaming girlie* NO. Shut up! I told you all along. No you didn't! She—cannot—be trusted! You encouraged it! You—don't tell me what I did— You did that! You just worry about what you did— What I did?! What you've done!! What— Oh god. Oh jeez. Oh, shit, son!! I gotta get goin. Wait, you're right: where is Liz? Good question. This is not safe. This cannot be safe. It's not safe. This is not KOSHER. What's it matter to you? It SO matters. Are you a Jew, now? It might suit me at this point. Or eventually, it may. What's that supposed to mean. Quiet, Liz. We're almost finished. Finished with what. Just one more *strap* Oh, great another— Shh. DOCTOR! DOCTOR. Nobody can hear you. Oh! But they will. They won't. And why not?! Because, you're a cartoon character; and even if you weren't. What are you talking about?! I'm Liz Lemon! Yes—that is—semi-correct. Semi correct?! It is fully correct! Elizabeth Lemon would be fully correct— by definition. What—what are you doing? Preparing for takeoff. Takeoff?! Where are you sending me. Takeoff from The Migos feels a small pull in his heart, and a ringing in his ears, as he becomes the first living Migo to be mentioned in the festival project. Huh. {Enter The Multiverse} First of all, his Skrillex impression l— Spot on. Because yes, As we all know— Those of us who were there to watch Skrillex Personally sign on to The Illuminati Via Justin Bieber— Nothing so quite remarkably Brought back its pungent memory— The song that in one phrase, Both started and ended it all, Than Jay Pharoh's own memorandum, A representation by impression, Of this particular sound, Known lovingly otherwise as “Skrillex” And however, was the Pause What in the fuck did I just see. Oh, that's just Skrillex . I knew it was you. Yes, yes you did… Okay— Now. Now where are you going to go? I don't know. That's not an answer. Oh god. Right. It's just a bodiless fuckin Like an orb. That's what you'd call that? I'd call it more of like A florecent, gellatenous— Presently, yes— Blob, of sorts. Oh shit. This bitch said “bomb” and Kamala in the same sentence. lol. Yikes. She finna be famous, on accident. Probably on purpose, but if it was gonna be on accident— it'd be because of that. You right. Man, I'm fuckin ba— —ked. kettle chips. I love those. How are they kettle chips if they're baked. *shrugs* I dunno. Damn. Alright. That nigga is fine as fuck. Dont we all know it. Get him the fuck out of my face. Whatchu mean?! It's eye candy. I don't eat candy! Unless it's spelled with a k and made of letters! Okay Alright —and even then and only then will I eat it if I am inexplicably drunk or in any other way otherwise intoxicated. Ok, damn. Ok Sunnï. Now, get that nugga out of my eyesight. He's not He's not technically “in your eyesight” EVEN MY PERIPHERIAL. Ok. AND NY FORESIGHT, and my HINDSIGHT OK. Ok Sunnï. AND MY FORESKIN, AND MY FOREHEAD AND NY FORESHADOWING— LOOK. JUST GET HIM OUT OF MY LIFE OUT OF LIFE the whole life OUT MY LIFE. Ok. On it. Two minutes to wrap this up Before the fast of the century Falls flat on its face Like the rice noodles I'm about to stuff your face with Pronto the moment You arrive back in your body Where am I now? At a rave. (In the bathtub) Which is—accurate? Which isn't? [A Cult Classic] Around 1:30 we rendezvous Until, that is, This posts, with the rest of them And as of then, We'll meet again, At another time (Set no reminders) Cameras flash and shines the diamond. Is that it? Yeah, I thinks so. Are you sure? I mean, produce stuff. Peppers, onions, whatever. —are you sure? Yeah, that's it. Are you serious? What? What's wrong. Where's the Jimmy Fallon's? What?! (They're gonna kill me for this) Playtoy, plaything Gets old real l quick It's love, not lust Gets home round ten Get up round 6 Makes the round. Wraps a towel around his head Writes love on her arm It's a real nice story, If you're surviving the apocalypse. Lips, lips, yeah Lipstick, lipstick Golden charriots And Blondish wigs sis Since when did you get hip Since hip replacement No birthday presents; But it's too late, isn't it? It really is, it really is It's too late, isn't it It really is, it really is —but, it's too late, isn't it. I want you to watch this. What is it. Not sure yet. Uhm, okay: See you later. What, you're not going to watch it with me? You're gonna need a professional fluffer. Call my agent and my lawyer. Aren't they the same guy? What?! NO! *shrugs* What the fuck is wrong with everybody! Sorry imm late! Hey tigger. Tigger. It is I. Where's Pooh. How should I know? We thought he was with you. Who is we —? Us, And what do I look like—his keeper? Do the Charlie Brown. What?! Do the Charlie Brown! What? Like wawahwahwa?? No! Idiot! The dance. The what. Do the dance?! I don't know what that is. What. What the fuck. I thought you was supposed to be funny. I am! I was. But you don't know how to Charlie Brown I know how to Charlie Brown! I just did the “wahwahwa” That's the teacher! Man, shut up! You—what?! There's a dance! I didn't know there's a dance! What the fuck, man. You lose, dawg. What do you want from me?! Hold on! Boss. What?! He don't know how to do the Charlie Brown. What. I said. That nigga don't know how do to the Charlie Brown?! He say he don't! Man— Man!!! I said! Shoot that nigga! Jay Pharoh, another notable SNL alumni, however From the wonder years in which I had really never watched, but only glossed under in curiosity— Just so happened to be the definitive test of my overall attraction to members of my own “race” classification— And an incredible impressionist— Maybe even the best, ever. But here, let me explain the first part. I realized that simply, watching his performance , That I was certainly not— Nor might I ever be— Attracted to black men. Yes, indeed. Jay Pharoh stood as the equivalent of The girl the gay guy kisses passionately in order attempt to achieve arousal from such an act, by this, I mean: That I watched this stand up performance as a straight female, fellow performer, and sapiosexual— In knowing and understanding that, I was watching this man, as I had many others, Doing something I found incredibly attractive— Actually, almost irresistible— Performance art; Live performance art— Better yet, Stand up comedy, which I have yet to have fully broken the code—meaning that this act— An illusive mystery to me as to how exactly it is practiced; Whereas with music the viel has since been lifted— There still exists a certain type of magic in the act of performing stand up comedy, especially to large audiences. And so, in the sense that Jay Pharoh—a notable SNL alumni, an incredible performer and with the added bonus of being an extremely attractive and accomplished fellow l— There should be some kind of —you know— Erotic spark involved in watching this performance;such as the young gay man uses his willing perceivably attractive female friend as a practice test in order to better understand his own identity and circumstance, so was this Not entirely on purpose— But actually, hy complete accident, and Just as the young gay might realize upon kissing his female friend— I realized this: Jay Pharoh to me was an incredibly beautiful human being— So incredibly beautiful, in fact, that several times during his performance— I actually wanted to cry. Cry actual tears— And while I realized that this man, As beautiful as he was— Physically, and spiritually— Aesthetically, and otherwise— Hitting all the marks in all the places that he should, There was one thing that made it feel as if, In anything at all in the world, We were incompatible. Not to say that I could put myself into the category of upper echelon women to compete over such an admired person at all— But only finally realizing something important about myself, that just so happened to be as important as the formerly unsure gay's sexuality is to him; My attraction to black men did not exist. Like I said, it was bad— Or at least, it sounds bad. But now I finally get it. This man, Who had everything I could dream of and more, Who happened to be in peak shape, At the height of his career, And incredible in every single possible way— Who was, So beautiful, in fact, inside and out— That I nearly did cry— Still wasn't someone I wanted to have sex with. Case solved. Of course, this man can do much better. That's far beyond the point; And, If there is a point at all to any of this, it's that Gender, and sexuality, and attraction are still In this time Just as much of a mystery to humanity as it's ever been, and as much as it'll ever be The theory of genetic attraction so far is entirely existent only in my mind— or perhaps even, hidden somewhere deeply in secret within my genetic code, as the closer I age toward my own maternal peak, the more spacific the traits in the opposite sex which dictate what I am and am not or will or will not be attracted to sexually. Does that make me a racist any more than a homosexual's explicit desires to see a same-gendered person over the opposite makes them a mysognoist or otherwise? #karmageddon And while I've struggled in my cellibacy to adapt to a changing world, realizing that my viewpoints and beliefs, my code of ethics and even my own morals have become somewhat obsolete that, I'm forced to recon, alongside with my non-binary assignment, that the need to procreate as a female, a natural phenomenon and this desire for change within the current genetic predisposition Is something like homosexuality, in that My particular genetic code And the particular genetic code of my potential mate rests with the knowledge that my own intrinsic sexual attraction or converse aversion to one determination over another is in part due to the structure of evolution within our species with the higher purpose of creating offspring more likely to survive and succeed within the world's consistently changing climate—sociologically and otherwise. What in the fuck does this have to do with comedy?! Nothing, this is the equivalent of the recently self-realized gay man having an overaggrandized and theatrical coming-out So what are you coming out with exactly? I don't know. I just like white dudes. That's it? Yeah. . . . #floatingfastdays [The Festival Project ™] That's it?! Yeah. “I like white dudes.” Only white dudes. That's all you were trying to say? Not trying to say. I said it. Like, scientifically, and shit. Are you serious? I want one. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © C

So, you built this, huh? I certainly must have, at some point. All by yourself. I highly doubt. You just considerably know yourself well to have brought yourself here— Or not. Let's just say, I really uh— Fuck, I blacked out, Tied one on the night before. Oh, God. And the day before— Oh, well. Hello, t there. I—uh— And the night before the day before. Christ. All I'm saying is, for this audition you're going to want to keep it classy. Keep it—classy. Let the games begin! In those pants I could make you into anything In these jeans it seems there may indeed be a reason to meet me, and maybe Just maybe If we're playing the same game. You may see me, And we will play together— For eternity. What exact the fuck game are you playing with this guy? I don't remember. Drunken Posers. FUCHK. I hate this game' I love this GAME. Jett How am I supposed to find this tiny Drew Barrymore, before 6 o clock tonight You're going to have to find a way— You might try here What Or here What! How am I supposed to know which kid she is You'll remember her—she'll remember you Yeah, whatever Oh, and another thing— She'll be so cute you want to die. Oh god Hey kid. I've got some new for ya -“[a very tiny Drew Barry otte screams at the top of her lungs] Rig it in time, bro And right in timbre TIMBRE Look, this has been moved up the ladder some. Excuse me? Chain of command. Are you telling me, that I somehow outrank— This fool. This fool. Ugh. In the Illuminati? *shrugs* She outranks me. Dang, dude. What are you gonna do? Nothing, I guess. That's not an answer. SUNNI! What. WHAT HAPPENED?! I don't know. That is NOT an answer. We wear black in winter. Well, at least I got the dress code right… Welcome To New York. We wear black in winter. Walk at a fast pace into oncoming traffic. Every. Single. Thing. Is a— Speeding Silver— Bullet. (If you catch it, [you can]try to paint it gold. Toucan Sam I will tell you- I will tell you— I will tell you again. You don't exist, It's moot that I don't exist. It's that I'm extract l. L l It's that I'm extinct Okay, look; this is— not what you're used to. What am I used to? You're a Piglet. Eeyore. Where's Pooh? Probably with Tigger. Well. Well. I guess it's just—us—then. … … [beat] (A long, heavy pause for dramatic effect) F—-ck this is awkward. Producer foods: P B & J Check. And almond butter. Nice. This is horrible. But here it goes. What is. Here it goes: Noodles. Check. soy sauce? Yessir. Steak. Check. Scissors. Check. [beat] Uh. Mau5. WHAT CHICKEN. why does he have a cat named chicken! We're about to find out. What are the scissors for? Exit, exit now. Why? FUDGE. HOT FUDGE. Damn, Dillon. wtf. Flashback: (Listening to Dillon Francis on heavy rotation at acid-level synesthesia) *smacks lisp* @9@ lol okay ***smacks lips*** Does this taste sweet to you? I still see that one cereal box and get reminded of Dillon Francis a lot. Facts. Ketchup. Facts. Vanilla Soy Milk Correct. Out of all the comedians I studied, Jay Pharoah was my new favorite. Yes, my new favorite comedian. There were the old favorites— The classics, if you will. You know Bernie Mac, Kat Williams, Robin Williams— And this, by the way, is in no particular order— Eddie Murphy Cedric— (Sorry I thought you were dead, broh.) Cereal. Yup. Two kinds! Teriyaki—for the noodles? Did I not mention that with the soy sauce already? It should be maybe like included with the soy sauce. No, its seperate. Dane Cook. Really dawg, come on. Richard Pryor. Titans, broh, titans. PERCIUS Yo. NO. NOO—NO. Shut up. I gotta tell you something. *screaming girlie* NO. Shut up! I told you all along. No you didn't! She—cannot—be trusted! You encouraged it! You—don't tell me what I did— You did that! You just worry about what you did— What I did?! What you've done!! What— Oh god. Oh jeez. Oh, shit, son!! I gotta get goin. Wait, you're right: where is Liz? Good question. This is not safe. This cannot be safe. It's not safe. This is not KOSHER. What's it matter to you? It SO matters. Are you a Jew, now? It might suit me at this point. Or eventually, it may. What's that supposed to mean. Quiet, Liz. We're almost finished. Finished with what. Just one more *strap* Oh, great another— Shh. DOCTOR! DOCTOR. Nobody can hear you. Oh! But they will. They won't. And why not?! Because, you're a cartoon character; and even if you weren't. What are you talking about?! I'm Liz Lemon! Yes—that is—semi-correct. Semi correct?! It is fully correct! Elizabeth Lemon would be fully correct— by definition. What—what are you doing? Preparing for takeoff. Takeoff?! Where are you sending me. Takeoff from The Migos feels a small pull in his heart, and a ringing in his ears, as he becomes the first living Migo to be mentioned in the festival project. Huh. {Enter The Multiverse} First of all, his Skrillex impression l— Spot on. Because yes, As we all know— Those of us who were there to watch Skrillex Personally sign on to The Illuminati Via Justin Bieber— Nothing so quite remarkably Brought back its pungent memory— The song that in one phrase, Both started and ended it all, Than Jay Pharoh's own memorandum, A representation by impression, Of this particular sound, Known lovingly otherwise as “Skrillex” And however, was the Pause What in the fuck did I just see. Oh, that's just Skrillex . I knew it was you. Yes, yes you did… Okay— Now. Now where are you going to go? I don't know. That's not an answer. Oh god. Right. It's just a bodiless fuckin Like an orb. That's what you'd call that? I'd call it more of like A florecent, gellatenous— Presently, yes— Blob, of sorts. Oh shit. This bitch said “bomb” and Kamala in the same sentence. lol. Yikes. She finna be famous, on accident. Probably on purpose, but if it was gonna be on accident— it'd be because of that. You right. Man, I'm fuckin ba— —ked. kettle chips. I love those. How are they kettle chips if they're baked. *shrugs* I dunno. Damn. Alright. That nigga is fine as fuck. Dont we all know it. Get him the fuck out of my face. Whatchu mean?! It's eye candy. I don't eat candy! Unless it's spelled with a k and made of letters! Okay Alright —and even then and only then will I eat it if I am inexplicably drunk or in any other way otherwise intoxicated. Ok, damn. Ok Sunnï. Now, get that nugga out of my eyesight. He's not He's not technically “in your eyesight” EVEN MY PERIPHERIAL. Ok. AND NY FORESIGHT, and my HINDSIGHT OK. Ok Sunnï. AND MY FORESKIN, AND MY FOREHEAD AND NY FORESHADOWING— LOOK. JUST GET HIM OUT OF MY LIFE OUT OF LIFE the whole life OUT MY LIFE. Ok. On it. Two minutes to wrap this up Before the fast of the century Falls flat on its face Like the rice noodles I'm about to stuff your face with Pronto the moment You arrive back in your body Where am I now? At a rave. (In the bathtub) Which is—accurate? Which isn't? [A Cult Classic] Around 1:30 we rendezvous Until, that is, This posts, with the rest of them And as of then, We'll meet again, At another time (Set no reminders) Cameras flash and shines the diamond. Is that it? Yeah, I thinks so. Are you sure? I mean, produce stuff. Peppers, onions, whatever. —are you sure? Yeah, that's it. Are you serious? What? What's wrong. Where's the Jimmy Fallon's? What?! (They're gonna kill me for this) Playtoy, plaything Gets old real l quick It's love, not lust Gets home round ten Get up round 6 Makes the round. Wraps a towel around his head Writes love on her arm It's a real nice story, If you're surviving the apocalypse. Lips, lips, yeah Lipstick, lipstick Golden charriots And Blondish wigs sis Since when did you get hip Since hip replacement No birthday presents; But it's too late, isn't it? It really is, it really is It's too late, isn't it It really is, it really is —but, it's too late, isn't it. I want you to watch this. What is it. Not sure yet. Uhm, okay: See you later. What, you're not going to watch it with me? You're gonna need a professional fluffer. Call my agent and my lawyer. Aren't they the same guy? What?! NO! *shrugs* What the fuck is wrong with everybody! Sorry imm late! Hey tigger. Tigger. It is I. Where's Pooh. How should I know? We thought he was with you. Who is we —? Us, And what do I look like—his keeper? Do the Charlie Brown. What?! Do the Charlie Brown! What? Like wawahwahwa?? No! Idiot! The dance. The what. Do the dance?! I don't know what that is. What. What the fuck. I thought you was supposed to be funny. I am! I was. But you don't know how to Charlie Brown I know how to Charlie Brown! I just did the “wahwahwa” That's the teacher! Man, shut up! You—what?! There's a dance! I didn't know there's a dance! What the fuck, man. You lose, dawg. What do you want from me?! Hold on! Boss. What?! He don't know how to do the Charlie Brown. What. I said. That nigga don't know how do to the Charlie Brown?! He say he don't! Man— Man!!! I said! Shoot that nigga! Jay Pharoh, another notable SNL alumni, however From the wonder years in which I had really never watched, but only glossed under in curiosity— Just so happened to be the definitive test of my overall attraction to members of my own “race” classification— And an incredible impressionist— Maybe even the best, ever. But here, let me explain the first part. I realized that simply, watching his performance , That I was certainly not— Nor might I ever be— Attracted to black men. Yes, indeed. Jay Pharoh stood as the equivalent of The girl the gay guy kisses passionately in order attempt to achieve arousal from such an act, by this, I mean: That I watched this stand up performance as a straight female, fellow performer, and sapiosexual— In knowing and understanding that, I was watching this man, as I had many others, Doing something I found incredibly attractive— Actually, almost irresistible— Performance art; Live performance art— Better yet, Stand up comedy, which I have yet to have fully broken the code—meaning that this act— An illusive mystery to me as to how exactly it is practiced; Whereas with music the viel has since been lifted— There still exists a certain type of magic in the act of performing stand up comedy, especially to large audiences. And so, in the sense that Jay Pharoh—a notable SNL alumni, an incredible performer and with the added bonus of being an extremely attractive and accomplished fellow l— There should be some kind of —you know— Erotic spark involved in watching this performance;such as the young gay man uses his willing perceivably attractive female friend as a practice test in order to better understand his own identity and circumstance, so was this Not entirely on purpose— But actually, hy complete accident, and Just as the young gay might realize upon kissing his female friend— I realized this: Jay Pharoh to me was an incredibly beautiful human being— So incredibly beautiful, in fact, that several times during his performance— I actually wanted to cry. Cry actual tears— And while I realized that this man, As beautiful as he was— Physically, and spiritually— Aesthetically, and otherwise— Hitting all the marks in all the places that he should, There was one thing that made it feel as if, In anything at all in the world, We were incompatible. Not to say that I could put myself into the category of upper echelon women to compete over such an admired person at all— But only finally realizing something important about myself, that just so happened to be as important as the formerly unsure gay's sexuality is to him; My attraction to black men did not exist. Like I said, it was bad— Or at least, it sounds bad. But now I finally get it. This man, Who had everything I could dream of and more, Who happened to be in peak shape, At the height of his career, And incredible in every single possible way— Who was, So beautiful, in fact, inside and out— That I nearly did cry— Still wasn't someone I wanted to have sex with. Case solved. Of course, this man can do much better. That's far beyond the point; And, If there is a point at all to any of this, it's that Gender, and sexuality, and attraction are still In this time Just as much of a mystery to humanity as it's ever been, and as much as it'll ever be The theory of genetic attraction so far is entirely existent only in my mind— or perhaps even, hidden somewhere deeply in secret within my genetic code, as the closer I age toward my own maternal peak, the more spacific the traits in the opposite sex which dictate what I am and am not or will or will not be attracted to sexually. Does that make me a racist any more than a homosexual's explicit desires to see a same-gendered person over the opposite makes them a mysognoist or otherwise? #karmageddon And while I've struggled in my cellibacy to adapt to a changing world, realizing that my viewpoints and beliefs, my code of ethics and even my own morals have become somewhat obsolete that, I'm forced to recon, alongside with my non-binary assignment, that the need to procreate as a female, a natural phenomenon and this desire for change within the current genetic predisposition Is something like homosexuality, in that My particular genetic code And the particular genetic code of my potential mate rests with the knowledge that my own intrinsic sexual attraction or converse aversion to one determination over another is in part due to the structure of evolution within our species with the higher purpose of creating offspring more likely to survive and succeed within the world's consistently changing climate—sociologically and otherwise. What in the fuck does this have to do with comedy?! Nothing, this is the equivalent of the recently self-realized gay man having an overaggrandized and theatrical coming-out So what are you coming out with exactly? I don't know. I just like white dudes. That's it? Yeah. . . . #floatingfastdays [The Festival Project ™] That's it?! Yeah. “I like white dudes.” Only white dudes. That's all you were trying to say? Not trying to say. I said it. Like, scientifically, and shit. Are you serious? I want one. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Cordell & Cordell – Don't let divorce take more than it has to.MUSICDave Grohl has called the lawyers that he retained in September before announcing that he fathered a child outside of his marriage, according to People magazine. Sean “Diddy” Combs turned 55 yesterday and This year was much different. He jumped on the Metropolitan Detention Center (MDC) phone for a conference call with his adult children.Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker‘s baby boy officially turned one on Friday (Nov. 1), and in honor of his birthday, Grandma Kris Jenner gifted Rocky with a handwritten letter from Sylvester Stallone, AKA, Rocky Balboa. TVRyan Reynolds and Martha Stewart are having a playful public beef right now and Hugh Jackman is weighing in, siding with Martha. Martha Stewart appeared as a special guest on Bilt Rewards' November Rent Free game show and said that Reynolds is "not so funny in real life." Nate Bargatze is having his moment! He is currently the top-earning standup comedian in the world and now he's finally getting his own movie. Jason Kelce has apologized for spiking a Penn State student's phone on the pavement. The kid and Jason exchanged words that included a gay slur. The school released a statement about Kelce's possible criminal mischief and disorderly conduct, saying, “University Police and Public Safety is the investigating agency for this incident and the process is ongoing.” Kelce is a member of ESPN's Monday Night Football pre-game show. On set, he acted humbled in describing his regret in failing to follow the Golden Rule. Jason said, “I'm not happy with anything that took place. I'm not proud. Within a heated moment, I chose to greet hate with hate. I don't think that's productive.” AND FINALLYWould your favorite fictional character have voted for the same people you do? Well, Americans were asked in a new poll who various fictional characters would vote for.  The Kamala Harris supporters include: Liz Lemon from "30 Rock". . . Leslie Knope from "Parks & Rec" . . . Phoebe, Monica, and Joey from "Friends" . . . Olivia Benson from "Law & Order" . . .Elaine from "Seinfeld", Peter Parker (slash) Spider-Man . . . Marge Simpson . . . Blanche from "The Golden Girls". . . Elle Woods from "Legally Blonde". . . Barbie and Ken . . . and Cliff Huxtable from "The Cosby Show". The Donald Trump voters include: Tony Stark (slash) Iron Man . . . Archie Bunker . . . Hank Hill from "King of the Hill". . . Don Draper from "Mad Men" . . . Roseanne Conner . . . Tony Soprano . . . Homer Simpson . . .Hannibal Lecter . . . Biff from "Back to the Future" . . . Dwight from "The Office" . . . Ron Swanson from "Parks & Rec" . . . Walter White from "Breaking Bad" . . . Rambo . . . and Maverick from "Top Gun". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cordell & Cordell – Don't let divorce take more than it has to. MUSIC Dave Grohl has called the lawyers that he retained in September before announcing that he fathered a child outside of his marriage, according to People magazine.  Sean “Diddy” Combs turned 55 yesterday and This year was much different. He jumped on the Metropolitan Detention Center (MDC) phone for a conference call with his adult children. Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker‘s baby boy officially turned one on Friday (Nov. 1), and in honor of his birthday, Grandma Kris Jenner gifted Rocky with a handwritten letter from Sylvester Stallone, AKA, Rocky Balboa.  TV Ryan Reynolds and Martha Stewart are having a playful public beef right now and Hugh Jackman is weighing in, siding with Martha. Martha Stewart appeared as a special guest on Bilt Rewards' November Rent Free game show and said that Reynolds is "not so funny in real life." Nate Bargatze is having his moment! He is currently the top-earning standup comedian in the world and now he's finally getting his own movie. Jason Kelce has apologized for spiking a Penn State student's phone on the pavement. The kid and Jason exchanged words that included a gay slur. The school released a statement about Kelce's possible criminal mischief and disorderly conduct, saying, “University Police and Public Safety is the investigating agency for this incident and the process is ongoing.” Kelce is a member of ESPN's Monday Night Football pre-game show. On set, he acted humbled in describing his regret in failing to follow the Golden Rule. Jason said, “I'm not happy with anything that took place. I'm not proud. Within a heated moment, I chose to greet hate with hate. I don't think that's productive.” AND FINALLY Would your favorite fictional character have voted for the same people you do? Well, Americans were asked in a new poll who various fictional characters would vote for.   The Kamala Harris supporters include: Liz Lemon from "30 Rock". . . Leslie Knope from "Parks & Rec" . . . Phoebe, Monica, and Joey from "Friends" . . . Olivia Benson from "Law & Order" . . .Elaine from "Seinfeld", Peter Parker (slash) Spider-Man . . . Marge Simpson . . . Blanche from "The Golden Girls". . . Elle Woods from "Legally Blonde". . . Barbie and Ken . . . and Cliff Huxtable from "The Cosby Show".  The Donald Trump voters include: Tony Stark (slash) Iron Man . . . Archie Bunker . . . Hank Hill from "King of the Hill". . . Don Draper from "Mad Men" . . . Roseanne Conner . . . Tony Soprano . . . Homer Simpson . . .Hannibal Lecter . . . Biff from "Back to the Future" . . . Dwight from "The Office" . . . Ron Swanson from "Parks & Rec" . . . Walter White from "Breaking Bad" . . . Rambo . . . and Maverick from "Top Gun". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

blink. (instrumental) Collection 1.1 - 'actuality' Track 05. 'blink' (instrumental) Prod. By Blū Tha Gürū “Wonderful”, I mouthed silently, without the voice or the actual words for movement. I needed the laughter, and it had been long since I had actually laughed, or done much at all besides cry and wonder what the fuck I was going to actually do with my life, or what was to become of me. I held the book out to my side with one hand, the page still held with my thumb at the end of the chapter and beginning of the next, contemplating reading more— it would be an unknown amount of time before I would be here again—having fasted and walked the equivalent of what might be about 8 or 9 miles, worked out for an hour, and sweated out whatever might have been left with a soak in the tub. I was empty, closer to the divine than not, and feeling okay—not painfully hungry, but I knew that forgoing food would mean missing out on work that needed to be done, that I had been promising for months would be done, and finally was, however at a pace which only further exacerbated my anxiety further; I would only be able to focus on getting some soul-sucking, meaningless dead end job once I knew it was finished—otherwise, I knew it would be impossible to do anything; the algorithm had deemed it so that whatever I was doing, whatever I was writing, was more important than money. “That was it.” I confirmed with another silent thought, grasping the rose quartz in my left hand and raising the book with me as I crossed into the kitchen—the new addition of the couch saw to it that I had an actual living room, and though not separate from the kitchen, it was in fact a place that I could sit and read the many books I had collected one at a time—or two, for the moment. I couldn't wait to finish the page-turner I had been unable to put down for something like a week before I started this one. The frozen banana that I had forgotten I removed for the teeter in preparation to eat after a day of strenuous exercise and fasting had melted—luckily, I had frozen two of them at once, suddenly with the life force of something forgotten after my first cup of coffee in nearly three days—three days too long, and I realized my dependence on caffeine was just about as unhealthy as what was normally a constant roar of illegal immigrants on even sufferably equally illegal mopeds, as so said by the NYPD themselves, who had been blatantly useless at actually apprehending the assailants—nevertheless, at least I knew that there was a reason for the heavy exhaustion in the first place, overcompensating from the noise and civil unrest below with additional pots of coffee throughout the late afternoon and even evenings, in an attempt to sort though what would even take some writers rooms weeks or maybe even months. However, my writing and various works were even yet unfit to behold by the eyes of others—that is, besides my shadow of a podcast audience, the cult following I had gained piggybacking shamelessly uncrossing a line that had been crossed by the notorious entertainment industry itself, probably as a foreshadowing of what potential I could have, if left alone, fed, and sheltered for the right amount of time. I might have even finished by now if it weren't for the motorcycles; maybe that was the point. Maybe there was no point besides that most men are immature, useless babies; that their pride in destruction and chaos serves purpose for them to just as well be destroyed eventually themselves. Either way, I had at the very least gained a few wholehearted laughs—and now it was time to break fast. 10:00 PM, prime time for making music, but there were other important tasks at hand in order to be able to do so—and I needed the focus of a full stomach and peace of mind to do so. The peace of mind, I wasn't sure where to find—but my fridge was stocked full of food to ease the ache of an empty stomach with fruits I had been craving for days and vegetables I had collected throughout the week; errands which tasked me even further with the time to sort through the massive endeavor of making my work somehow out of thin air create an income; I had been working tirelessly for months when my food stamps were cut for ‘not complying with worth requirements' without notice. I only had one pair of wearable harems and a closet full of fashionable outward I refused to walk around in; I was fussy, and looking for a mate, not some crispy fuckboy buzzing around on a motorcycle; those days were over. Besides, the guys on Harley's were potbellied slags at best—someone else's problem, and also mine, at least sometimes. Men and their incompetence had surely set the world into a state of imbalance so deep and so heavy, it would have to take God being a woman to correct it. Nature needs Nurture. Now 30 rock was the obvious choice. —- It's getting deeper. Now I had to keep Tina Fey's book in the bathroom— the bathmat I ordered was actually more yellow than gold and differed drastically from the picture in the description, and it looked cheap and bizzare in contrast to the classy shimmering sequins silver and black curtain and stainless steel trash can which matched perfectly. I wasn't sure where it would end up—it did have the same yellow, and so I placed the book and the rug within sight of eachother, so that it gave the illusion of being matched. The curtains I bought but had used separately for window coverings and as garnish for the makeshift bookshelf in the studio—I hadn't any real curtains—the windows and walls were lined with sound absorbing audio panels, even in the kitchen where I seldom recorded, but had been plummeting through assortments of other work nonetheless, not to mention my resting recipes which were meant to be entries into an eventual cookbook, which I'm sure would come together now more quickly. The cover of the book matched the strange yellow, and rather than silver and gold it was now mismatched and looked cheap; but the bathmat could at least stay until I finished the book— which would admittedly probably be quickly; I had made it to halfway through the first book in less than a week—my first near cover-to-cover read, which if I hadn't picked up Ms. Fey's book— Ms. Fey? It sounded weird— wasn't she married? She did seem like some sort of a fairy though— a teeny, tiny pixie type lady with Godlike powers. She was some sort of God, to me, at least, I was sure of it—and probably to others. Weeks, or maybe even some months now before, reading tentatively though her Wikipedia page, I scanned over her numerous accolades—some which I hadn't even heard of, and within the first few chapters of her book, which I had picked up on an extremely strong whim to scoop out the little local library down the street, which I had admittedly decided to clear out the last two days selfishly so—but also according to Wikipedia, people weren't really reading anymore; besides that, the books seemed almost meant for me, intentioned at me with titles and colors that leaps out from the covers and pages, and some brand new. I took love in all the ways I could get—and this was one of them. It was certainly yellow and not gold. I was disappointed, but otherwise didn't care much. Now I had a reason to keep the book in the bathroom— as there certainly wasn't really any room for anymore books anywhere—and this book was special. I just didn't know why. I wondered often enough what makes someone so explicitly famous— sometimes, as it turned out, it was the effect or affect of hard work, talent, sheer grit, and an unknown amount of luck which seemed to vary from person to person. With Tina Fey, though she had been written into my own project primarily as Liz Lemon some years ago, I never knew exactly what I was looking at— but now that I was reading word for words a book first handedly written by one of my own favorite people, I knew that it had been something of a personal favor from God herself— something I didn't know I wanted or even knew existed at all— and laughs I needed. I shamelessly dangled and gushed at the book, and split my attention between the two I had so far been captivated by most— the other, memoir written by a twenty something uptown drag queen. Now I could try to collect myself into a proper person somehow, reading these works alongside writing my own, and conspiring to somehow finish not just the two originally intended music albums, but something that was actually altogether more like 4 or 5, if I could wrap my brain around counting them. I couldn't, though, right now. All I could do was soak in the tub, chugging water and reading a book, trying not to cry that the only money in the world I had were two crinkled up dollar bills in a coffee can and some change inside of a beautiful wooden box I had found on a jog through Brooklyn. {Tales of a Superstar DJ} Oh My, God—Tina Fey! Hi! I—uh—yeah. It's so nice to finally meet you. Hm. I—I was the hot water heater in your book! what's that supposed to mean. Did I read it. Working on it. Am I in it?! Why would you be? I don't know! Am I? Just— give me a few— How long is that?! What's a few?! How about a montage? CUT TO: THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKEN. And that's—JUST—what they'll DO! And— One of these—days— These boots— Are gonna WALKEN Ova U. Nancy Sinatra is still f#cking weird. I must admit, i feel personally attacked. OH, GOD. OH NO. This is certainly the thing you do not want, When trying to erase someone entirely from existence. Or at the very least… Jesus fucking Christ. …thinking about something in any sort of way. This. …and again. Is most certainly what you don't want. My walls are closing in, full figured artifact of closure, And in fact I exaggerated the fact of circumstance Because I had to Because I had to What, am I on in the other room? Supersonic as we all were, By the millions and by the numbers The simple heart attack was won, The hearty breakfast, Stripes were earned And not a one tear shed after –but my head hurts But my head hurts. You started it. I did not; but I most certainly will finish it. Quiet, they're coming. Quiet the children; Ready the talleys, Count all the votes, And stable your alters; Didn't I warn you? (I warned her!) Didn't I warn you? (I was warned) Didn't I warn you? (Why didn't you warn us?) Cause I wanted to I wanted to I wanted to hurt you. Well–dammit! What. what happened? #villain battle I can't kill you. What? Why not? It's–it's in my contract. lol damn what kind of contract did this dude sign? Lol idk tho. This could be progressive, But instead it's cynical A wizard and a mystic should make some interesting kids, though Another lesson timber, timbre all the violinists And the brass section is fascinating, Rather– More percussion DId you mean this? I meant everything I ever– *sneezing* *DIDN'T* Say. Gazuntite. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © no vocals yet :( still having major issues with the noise. hopefully will be able to record soon- actual music lol more than just talking. hopefully. take car tho. ^.^ more mixes coming soon.

blink. (instrumental) Collection 1.1 - 'actuality' Track 05. 'blink' (instrumental) Prod. By Blū Tha Gürū “Wonderful”, I mouthed silently, without the voice or the actual words for movement. I needed the laughter, and it had been long since I had actually laughed, or done much at all besides cry and wonder what the fuck I was going to actually do with my life, or what was to become of me. I held the book out to my side with one hand, the page still held with my thumb at the end of the chapter and beginning of the next, contemplating reading more— it would be an unknown amount of time before I would be here again—having fasted and walked the equivalent of what might be about 8 or 9 miles, worked out for an hour, and sweated out whatever might have been left with a soak in the tub. I was empty, closer to the divine than not, and feeling okay—not painfully hungry, but I knew that forgoing food would mean missing out on work that needed to be done, that I had been promising for months would be done, and finally was, however at a pace which only further exacerbated my anxiety further; I would only be able to focus on getting some soul-sucking, meaningless dead end job once I knew it was finished—otherwise, I knew it would be impossible to do anything; the algorithm had deemed it so that whatever I was doing, whatever I was writing, was more important than money. “That was it.” I confirmed with another silent thought, grasping the rose quartz in my left hand and raising the book with me as I crossed into the kitchen—the new addition of the couch saw to it that I had an actual living room, and though not separate from the kitchen, it was in fact a place that I could sit and read the many books I had collected one at a time—or two, for the moment. I couldn't wait to finish the page-turner I had been unable to put down for something like a week before I started this one. The frozen banana that I had forgotten I removed for the teeter in preparation to eat after a day of strenuous exercise and fasting had melted—luckily, I had frozen two of them at once, suddenly with the life force of something forgotten after my first cup of coffee in nearly three days—three days too long, and I realized my dependence on caffeine was just about as unhealthy as what was normally a constant roar of illegal immigrants on even sufferably equally illegal mopeds, as so said by the NYPD themselves, who had been blatantly useless at actually apprehending the assailants—nevertheless, at least I knew that there was a reason for the heavy exhaustion in the first place, overcompensating from the noise and civil unrest below with additional pots of coffee throughout the late afternoon and even evenings, in an attempt to sort though what would even take some writers rooms weeks or maybe even months. However, my writing and various works were even yet unfit to behold by the eyes of others—that is, besides my shadow of a podcast audience, the cult following I had gained piggybacking shamelessly uncrossing a line that had been crossed by the notorious entertainment industry itself, probably as a foreshadowing of what potential I could have, if left alone, fed, and sheltered for the right amount of time. I might have even finished by now if it weren't for the motorcycles; maybe that was the point. Maybe there was no point besides that most men are immature, useless babies; that their pride in destruction and chaos serves purpose for them to just as well be destroyed eventually themselves. Either way, I had at the very least gained a few wholehearted laughs—and now it was time to break fast. 10:00 PM, prime time for making music, but there were other important tasks at hand in order to be able to do so—and I needed the focus of a full stomach and peace of mind to do so. The peace of mind, I wasn't sure where to find—but my fridge was stocked full of food to ease the ache of an empty stomach with fruits I had been craving for days and vegetables I had collected throughout the week; errands which tasked me even further with the time to sort through the massive endeavor of making my work somehow out of thin air create an income; I had been working tirelessly for months when my food stamps were cut for ‘not complying with worth requirements' without notice. I only had one pair of wearable harems and a closet full of fashionable outward I refused to walk around in; I was fussy, and looking for a mate, not some crispy fuckboy buzzing around on a motorcycle; those days were over. Besides, the guys on Harley's were potbellied slags at best—someone else's problem, and also mine, at least sometimes. Men and their incompetence had surely set the world into a state of imbalance so deep and so heavy, it would have to take God being a woman to correct it. Nature needs Nurture. Now 30 rock was the obvious choice. —- It's getting deeper. Now I had to keep Tina Fey's book in the bathroom— the bathmat I ordered was actually more yellow than gold and differed drastically from the picture in the description, and it looked cheap and bizzare in contrast to the classy shimmering sequins silver and black curtain and stainless steel trash can which matched perfectly. I wasn't sure where it would end up—it did have the same yellow, and so I placed the book and the rug within sight of eachother, so that it gave the illusion of being matched. The curtains I bought but had used separately for window coverings and as garnish for the makeshift bookshelf in the studio—I hadn't any real curtains—the windows and walls were lined with sound absorbing audio panels, even in the kitchen where I seldom recorded, but had been plummeting through assortments of other work nonetheless, not to mention my resting recipes which were meant to be entries into an eventual cookbook, which I'm sure would come together now more quickly. The cover of the book matched the strange yellow, and rather than silver and gold it was now mismatched and looked cheap; but the bathmat could at least stay until I finished the book— which would admittedly probably be quickly; I had made it to halfway through the first book in less than a week—my first near cover-to-cover read, which if I hadn't picked up Ms. Fey's book— Ms. Fey? It sounded weird— wasn't she married? She did seem like some sort of a fairy though— a teeny, tiny pixie type lady with Godlike powers. She was some sort of God, to me, at least, I was sure of it—and probably to others. Weeks, or maybe even some months now before, reading tentatively though her Wikipedia page, I scanned over her numerous accolades—some which I hadn't even heard of, and within the first few chapters of her book, which I had picked up on an extremely strong whim to scoop out the little local library down the street, which I had admittedly decided to clear out the last two days selfishly so—but also according to Wikipedia, people weren't really reading anymore; besides that, the books seemed almost meant for me, intentioned at me with titles and colors that leaps out from the covers and pages, and some brand new. I took love in all the ways I could get—and this was one of them. It was certainly yellow and not gold. I was disappointed, but otherwise didn't care much. Now I had a reason to keep the book in the bathroom— as there certainly wasn't really any room for anymore books anywhere—and this book was special. I just didn't know why. I wondered often enough what makes someone so explicitly famous— sometimes, as it turned out, it was the effect or affect of hard work, talent, sheer grit, and an unknown amount of luck which seemed to vary from person to person. With Tina Fey, though she had been written into my own project primarily as Liz Lemon some years ago, I never knew exactly what I was looking at— but now that I was reading word for words a book first handedly written by one of my own favorite people, I knew that it had been something of a personal favor from God herself— something I didn't know I wanted or even knew existed at all— and laughs I needed. I shamelessly dangled and gushed at the book, and split my attention between the two I had so far been captivated by most— the other, memoir written by a twenty something uptown drag queen. Now I could try to collect myself into a proper person somehow, reading these works alongside writing my own, and conspiring to somehow finish not just the two originally intended music albums, but something that was actually altogether more like 4 or 5, if I could wrap my brain around counting them. I couldn't, though, right now. All I could do was soak in the tub, chugging water and reading a book, trying not to cry that the only money in the world I had were two crinkled up dollar bills in a coffee can and some change inside of a beautiful wooden box I had found on a jog through Brooklyn. {Tales of a Superstar DJ} Oh My, God—Tina Fey! Hi! I—uh—yeah. It's so nice to finally meet you. Hm. I—I was the hot water heater in your book! what's that supposed to mean. Did I read it. Working on it. Am I in it?! Why would you be? I don't know! Am I? Just— give me a few— How long is that?! What's a few?! How about a montage? CUT TO: THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKEN. And that's—JUST—what they'll DO! And— One of these—days— These boots— Are gonna WALKEN Ova U. Nancy Sinatra is still f#cking weird. I must admit, i feel personally attacked. OH, GOD. OH NO. This is certainly the thing you do not want, When trying to erase someone entirely from existence. Or at the very least… Jesus fucking Christ. …thinking about something in any sort of way. This. …and again. Is most certainly what you don't want. My walls are closing in, full figured artifact of closure, And in fact I exaggerated the fact of circumstance Because I had to Because I had to What, am I on in the other room? Supersonic as we all were, By the millions and by the numbers The simple heart attack was won, The hearty breakfast, Stripes were earned And not a one tear shed after –but my head hurts But my head hurts. You started it. I did not; but I most certainly will finish it. Quiet, they're coming. Quiet the children; Ready the talleys, Count all the votes, And stable your alters; Didn't I warn you? (I warned her!) Didn't I warn you? (I was warned) Didn't I warn you? (Why didn't you warn us?) Cause I wanted to I wanted to I wanted to hurt you. Well–dammit! What. what happened? #villain battle I can't kill you. What? Why not? It's–it's in my contract. lol damn what kind of contract did this dude sign? Lol idk tho. This could be progressive, But instead it's cynical A wizard and a mystic should make some interesting kids, though Another lesson timber, timbre all the violinists And the brass section is fascinating, Rather– More percussion DId you mean this? I meant everything I ever– *sneezing* *DIDN'T* Say. Gazuntite. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © no vocals yet :( still having major issues with the noise. hopefully will be able to record soon- actual music lol more than just talking. hopefully. take car tho. ^.^ more mixes coming soon.

blink. (instrumental) Collection 1.1 - 'actuality' Track 05. 'blink' (instrumental) Prod. By Blū Tha Gürū “Wonderful”, I mouthed silently, without the voice or the actual words for movement. I needed the laughter, and it had been long since I had actually laughed, or done much at all besides cry and wonder what the fuck I was going to actually do with my life, or what was to become of me. I held the book out to my side with one hand, the page still held with my thumb at the end of the chapter and beginning of the next, contemplating reading more— it would be an unknown amount of time before I would be here again—having fasted and walked the equivalent of what might be about 8 or 9 miles, worked out for an hour, and sweated out whatever might have been left with a soak in the tub. I was empty, closer to the divine than not, and feeling okay—not painfully hungry, but I knew that forgoing food would mean missing out on work that needed to be done, that I had been promising for months would be done, and finally was, however at a pace which only further exacerbated my anxiety further; I would only be able to focus on getting some soul-sucking, meaningless dead end job once I knew it was finished—otherwise, I knew it would be impossible to do anything; the algorithm had deemed it so that whatever I was doing, whatever I was writing, was more important than money. “That was it.” I confirmed with another silent thought, grasping the rose quartz in my left hand and raising the book with me as I crossed into the kitchen—the new addition of the couch saw to it that I had an actual living room, and though not separate from the kitchen, it was in fact a place that I could sit and read the many books I had collected one at a time—or two, for the moment. I couldn't wait to finish the page-turner I had been unable to put down for something like a week before I started this one. The frozen banana that I had forgotten I removed for the teeter in preparation to eat after a day of strenuous exercise and fasting had melted—luckily, I had frozen two of them at once, suddenly with the life force of something forgotten after my first cup of coffee in nearly three days—three days too long, and I realized my dependence on caffeine was just about as unhealthy as what was normally a constant roar of illegal immigrants on even sufferably equally illegal mopeds, as so said by the NYPD themselves, who had been blatantly useless at actually apprehending the assailants—nevertheless, at least I knew that there was a reason for the heavy exhaustion in the first place, overcompensating from the noise and civil unrest below with additional pots of coffee throughout the late afternoon and even evenings, in an attempt to sort though what would even take some writers rooms weeks or maybe even months. However, my writing and various works were even yet unfit to behold by the eyes of others—that is, besides my shadow of a podcast audience, the cult following I had gained piggybacking shamelessly uncrossing a line that had been crossed by the notorious entertainment industry itself, probably as a foreshadowing of what potential I could have, if left alone, fed, and sheltered for the right amount of time. I might have even finished by now if it weren't for the motorcycles; maybe that was the point. Maybe there was no point besides that most men are immature, useless babies; that their pride in destruction and chaos serves purpose for them to just as well be destroyed eventually themselves. Either way, I had at the very least gained a few wholehearted laughs—and now it was time to break fast. 10:00 PM, prime time for making music, but there were other important tasks at hand in order to be able to do so—and I needed the focus of a full stomach and peace of mind to do so. The peace of mind, I wasn't sure where to find—but my fridge was stocked full of food to ease the ache of an empty stomach with fruits I had been craving for days and vegetables I had collected throughout the week; errands which tasked me even further with the time to sort through the massive endeavor of making my work somehow out of thin air create an income; I had been working tirelessly for months when my food stamps were cut for ‘not complying with worth requirements' without notice. I only had one pair of wearable harems and a closet full of fashionable outward I refused to walk around in; I was fussy, and looking for a mate, not some crispy fuckboy buzzing around on a motorcycle; those days were over. Besides, the guys on Harley's were potbellied slags at best—someone else's problem, and also mine, at least sometimes. Men and their incompetence had surely set the world into a state of imbalance so deep and so heavy, it would have to take God being a woman to correct it. Nature needs Nurture. Now 30 rock was the obvious choice. —- It's getting deeper. Now I had to keep Tina Fey's book in the bathroom— the bathmat I ordered was actually more yellow than gold and differed drastically from the picture in the description, and it looked cheap and bizzare in contrast to the classy shimmering sequins silver and black curtain and stainless steel trash can which matched perfectly. I wasn't sure where it would end up—it did have the same yellow, and so I placed the book and the rug within sight of eachother, so that it gave the illusion of being matched. The curtains I bought but had used separately for window coverings and as garnish for the makeshift bookshelf in the studio—I hadn't any real curtains—the windows and walls were lined with sound absorbing audio panels, even in the kitchen where I seldom recorded, but had been plummeting through assortments of other work nonetheless, not to mention my resting recipes which were meant to be entries into an eventual cookbook, which I'm sure would come together now more quickly. The cover of the book matched the strange yellow, and rather than silver and gold it was now mismatched and looked cheap; but the bathmat could at least stay until I finished the book— which would admittedly probably be quickly; I had made it to halfway through the first book in less than a week—my first near cover-to-cover read, which if I hadn't picked up Ms. Fey's book— Ms. Fey? It sounded weird— wasn't she married? She did seem like some sort of a fairy though— a teeny, tiny pixie type lady with Godlike powers. She was some sort of God, to me, at least, I was sure of it—and probably to others. Weeks, or maybe even some months now before, reading tentatively though her Wikipedia page, I scanned over her numerous accolades—some which I hadn't even heard of, and within the first few chapters of her book, which I had picked up on an extremely strong whim to scoop out the little local library down the street, which I had admittedly decided to clear out the last two days selfishly so—but also according to Wikipedia, people weren't really reading anymore; besides that, the books seemed almost meant for me, intentioned at me with titles and colors that leaps out from the covers and pages, and some brand new. I took love in all the ways I could get—and this was one of them. It was certainly yellow and not gold. I was disappointed, but otherwise didn't care much. Now I had a reason to keep the book in the bathroom— as there certainly wasn't really any room for anymore books anywhere—and this book was special. I just didn't know why. I wondered often enough what makes someone so explicitly famous— sometimes, as it turned out, it was the effect or affect of hard work, talent, sheer grit, and an unknown amount of luck which seemed to vary from person to person. With Tina Fey, though she had been written into my own project primarily as Liz Lemon some years ago, I never knew exactly what I was looking at— but now that I was reading word for words a book first handedly written by one of my own favorite people, I knew that it had been something of a personal favor from God herself— something I didn't know I wanted or even knew existed at all— and laughs I needed. I shamelessly dangled and gushed at the book, and split my attention between the two I had so far been captivated by most— the other, memoir written by a twenty something uptown drag queen. Now I could try to collect myself into a proper person somehow, reading these works alongside writing my own, and conspiring to somehow finish not just the two originally intended music albums, but something that was actually altogether more like 4 or 5, if I could wrap my brain around counting them. I couldn't, though, right now. All I could do was soak in the tub, chugging water and reading a book, trying not to cry that the only money in the world I had were two crinkled up dollar bills in a coffee can and some change inside of a beautiful wooden box I had found on a jog through Brooklyn. {Tales of a Superstar DJ} Oh My, God—Tina Fey! Hi! I—uh—yeah. It's so nice to finally meet you. Hm. I—I was the hot water heater in your book! what's that supposed to mean. Did I read it. Working on it. Am I in it?! Why would you be? I don't know! Am I? Just— give me a few— How long is that?! What's a few?! How about a montage? CUT TO: THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKEN. And that's—JUST—what they'll DO! And— One of these—days— These boots— Are gonna WALKEN Ova U. Nancy Sinatra is still f#cking weird. I must admit, i feel personally attacked. OH, GOD. OH NO. This is certainly the thing you do not want, When trying to erase someone entirely from existence. Or at the very least… Jesus fucking Christ. …thinking about something in any sort of way. This. …and again. Is most certainly what you don't want. My walls are closing in, full figured artifact of closure, And in fact I exaggerated the fact of circumstance Because I had to Because I had to What, am I on in the other room? Supersonic as we all were, By the millions and by the numbers The simple heart attack was won, The hearty breakfast, Stripes were earned And not a one tear shed after –but my head hurts But my head hurts. You started it. I did not; but I most certainly will finish it. Quiet, they're coming. Quiet the children; Ready the talleys, Count all the votes, And stable your alters; Didn't I warn you? (I warned her!) Didn't I warn you? (I was warned) Didn't I warn you? (Why didn't you warn us?) Cause I wanted to I wanted to I wanted to hurt you. Well–dammit! What. what happened? #villain battle I can't kill you. What? Why not? It's–it's in my contract. lol damn what kind of contract did this dude sign? Lol idk tho. This could be progressive, But instead it's cynical A wizard and a mystic should make some interesting kids, though Another lesson timber, timbre all the violinists And the brass section is fascinating, Rather– More percussion DId you mean this? I meant everything I ever– *sneezing* *DIDN'T* Say. Gazuntite. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © no vocals yet :( still having major issues with the noise. hopefully will be able to record soon- actual music lol more than just talking. hopefully. take car tho. ^.^ more mixes coming soon.

This week we fall into our sexy single behavior and feeling…restless! Carrie calls up her f*** buddy aka Liz Lemon's ex boyfriend, and has the terrible idea to try to actually date him. Charlotte DARES to date two men at once (think of their FEELINGS, Char!!!), Samantha gets off to her loud neighbors, and Miranda dates a man who later gives her chlamydia! Enjoy!!!Check us out on Youtube! Like and subscribe, and join our LIVE Weekly Roundups!EMAIL us with any thoughts, questions, or your most salacious sex stories at patcpod@gmail.comThis month on Patreon:The Golden Girls S1 E9 "Blanche and the Younger Man"Broad City S1 E9 "Apartment Hunters"Girls S1 E9 "Leave Me Alone"Pillow Talk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's Talmud page, Bava Batra 56, raises a question that is still a political hot potato to this day: What, precisely, are the boundaries of the Land of Israel? But the rabbis, as they always do, dig even deeper, teaching us a lesson about the dangers of sameness and the dignity of difference. Why was Liz Lemon of 30 Rock fame wrong when she opined that all everyone truly wants is to sit down in peace and eat a sandwich? Listen and find out.

30 Rock is a sitcom created by Tina Fey that aired on NBC from 2006-2013. Set behind the scenes of a fictional live sketch comedy show. The series follows Liz Lemon (played by Tina Fey), the head writer of “TGS,” as she navigates the challenges of managing an eccentric cast and crew. This includes dealing with her arrogant boss, Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin), and the unpredictable star Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) and a host of other quirky characters. “30 Rock” is known for its clever satire of the television industry and corporate culture. The show received critical acclaim, winning several major awards, including multiple Primetime Emmy Awards for Outstanding Comedy Series. Does this former pillar of NBC's Thursday Night Lineup hold up over a decade after the show's finale? Listen as the S1E1 boys deep dive the pilot episode and find out. Starring: Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan, Jane Krakowski, Jack McBrayer, Scott Adsit, Judah Friedlander. Katrina Bowden, Lonny Ross, Keith Powell, Maulik Pancholy, Rachel Dratch, & Alec Baldwin www.S1E1POD.com MERCH Instagram & X (Twitter): @S1E1Pod

Welcome to the Munsons at the Movies podcast. Each episode we delve into the filmography of a randomly selected actor. In this episode, we explore the life & career of Tina Fey. Best known for her roles as the writer & Mrs. Norbury in Mean Girls (2004/2024), Liz Lemon in 138 episodes of 30 Rock, and her frequent collaborations with Amy Poehler, Fey is renowned as one of the comedic writers working today. Joined once again by Jim of the FilmRage podcast, we discuss her impressive journey into being the first female head writer at SNL, prolific awards footprint, ability to hide her Delaware County accent, and marvel at her point guard-like talents as a writer. How does she rank on the Munson Meter? Listen to find out.

“Caddyshack” (A Mumtidimentional Mixtape) {Enter The Multiverse} From Wikipedia: Caddyshack is a 1980 American sportscomedy film directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, and starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe and Bill Murray with supporting roles by Sarah Holcomb, Cindy Morgan, and Doyle-Murray. It tells the story of a caddie, vying for a caddie scholarship, who becomes involved in a feud on the links between one of the country club's founders and a nouveau riche guest. A subplot involves a greenskeeper who uses extreme methods against an elusive gopher. Caddyshack was Ramis's directorial debut and boosted the career of Dangerfield, who was previously known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office (the 17th-highest of the year),[3] it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has a cult following and was described by ESPN as "perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made" SAUCE (IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) —- AHAHA. ITS ME AGAIN. OH SHIT! Oh shit, i guess it's Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy. Oh nooo. Oh, yes. Look at this penny. I see you. Now look into my eyes. I see you, Jesus. Ahahaha! Okay, now what? This shit is twisted I missed the shift of the dimensions— Till Jimmy walked in with his pennies For some cigarettes and swishers, Just to get the picture It's 5 AM again, And it's still Infinite, I'm disinterestedd as ever in living in LA, Or just living, period— But it is what it is, I work for my rent, I've repented for this, Used to sleep in a tent, But when I was an Infant, I instantly— Wait, a customer walked in. I better help him. Heaven help him. Another level, Call dr. Nevel, Or an Ambulance, I just can't get it Just can't get it, Wait, let's insert some of the script here, I guess. Took you long enough, didn't it? That took forever. How are you alive? Maybe I'm not. Finally, we agree on something. Oh, this guy Lol. Good to see you again. Likewise, now— Here it goes… As you promised. Working on it. As I promised. Take my heart for granted, Take my soul, If this is loveless Till the end, I just can't manage, having Thoughts of death and tragic ends I haven't Felt the same since Waking up without the day to come ahead; The day has passed again A test, No fail, or pass It's just progressive, In a trance, It's just the stress, It's just to pass the time, I guess, if this is purpose Then, we'll see if this is worth it Now, or never, then Now or never, Never had a friend, All envious at best, This is the end all, In the end, it's just Me and God, And God would want A better body, To have fun I wished it all at once, And then I watched it crumble Oh, I watched it Stumble in, again, my friend I'm different when it's wet, I might not never see the Sun again I might not ever love again Oh well “Oh well” , I said Oh, well, I guess Oh well Okay. One hour left. Okay. Who gets the gold? Hum. Honestly I didn't want to hear a thing ; I had quit music—I just wasn't cut out for the industry—I was, but not by societal standards by far; my lowly place in the smoke shop would have to do for now, and though I knew it wouldn't sustain, there wasn't much else I could do but keep showing up, for as long as it lasted—dresses in at least 2 layers and 5 pairs of socks tucked into boots two-sizes-too-big I had been forced to purchase specifically due to the frigid and painful, freezing temperatures at the locations I worked, which kept its doors open 24/7. Play Iambic. What, right now? Yeah, play Iambic. Uh… Iambic played st exactly 1 hour and 19 minutes—it's script, the transcribed rendition crafted especially for the Broadway stage, an 88-page-masterpiece collecting dust in the confines of my Google Documents, along with anything else I had written and had yet the advantage of placing anywhere besides my podcast channels, which I constantly thought about cancelling, despite its innumerous downloads—nothing really seemed to matter anymore, as I was trapped in my body, in a loveless world, in a dead-end job and though my bed was clean and comfy, sharing the room wirh 3 others became exhausting. INT. SMOKESHOP. 5:58 AM DREW BARRYMORE … SUPACREE … I'm done. I quit. QUIT?! YOU CAN'T QUIT. Nope. That's it. I quit. You can't quit. I just did. I hadn't quit the music industry—the music industry had quit me. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, light skinned enough, or willing to do what any of the other girls were to get ahead. WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't. lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. {

“Caddyshack” (A Mumtidimentional Mixtape) {Enter The Multiverse} From Wikipedia: Caddyshack is a 1980 American sportscomedy film directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, and starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe and Bill Murray with supporting roles by Sarah Holcomb, Cindy Morgan, and Doyle-Murray. It tells the story of a caddie, vying for a caddie scholarship, who becomes involved in a feud on the links between one of the country club's founders and a nouveau riche guest. A subplot involves a greenskeeper who uses extreme methods against an elusive gopher. Caddyshack was Ramis's directorial debut and boosted the career of Dangerfield, who was previously known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office (the 17th-highest of the year),[3] it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has a cult following and was described by ESPN as "perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made" SAUCE (IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) —- AHAHA. ITS ME AGAIN. OH SHIT! Oh shit, i guess it's Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy. Oh nooo. Oh, yes. Look at this penny. I see you. Now look into my eyes. I see you, Jesus. Ahahaha! Okay, now what? This shit is twisted I missed the shift of the dimensions— Till Jimmy walked in with his pennies For some cigarettes and swishers, Just to get the picture It's 5 AM again, And it's still Infinite, I'm disinterestedd as ever in living in LA, Or just living, period— But it is what it is, I work for my rent, I've repented for this, Used to sleep in a tent, But when I was an Infant, I instantly— Wait, a customer walked in. I better help him. Heaven help him. Another level, Call dr. Nevel, Or an Ambulance, I just can't get it Just can't get it, Wait, let's insert some of the script here, I guess. Took you long enough, didn't it? That took forever. How are you alive? Maybe I'm not. Finally, we agree on something. Oh, this guy Lol. Good to see you again. Likewise, now— Here it goes… As you promised. Working on it. As I promised. Take my heart for granted, Take my soul, If this is loveless Till the end, I just can't manage, having Thoughts of death and tragic ends I haven't Felt the same since Waking up without the day to come ahead; The day has passed again A test, No fail, or pass It's just progressive, In a trance, It's just the stress, It's just to pass the time, I guess, if this is purpose Then, we'll see if this is worth it Now, or never, then Now or never, Never had a friend, All envious at best, This is the end all, In the end, it's just Me and God, And God would want A better body, To have fun I wished it all at once, And then I watched it crumble Oh, I watched it Stumble in, again, my friend I'm different when it's wet, I might not never see the Sun again I might not ever love again Oh well “Oh well” , I said Oh, well, I guess Oh well Okay. One hour left. Okay. Who gets the gold? Hum. Honestly I didn't want to hear a thing ; I had quit music—I just wasn't cut out for the industry—I was, but not by societal standards by far; my lowly place in the smoke shop would have to do for now, and though I knew it wouldn't sustain, there wasn't much else I could do but keep showing up, for as long as it lasted—dresses in at least 2 layers and 5 pairs of socks tucked into boots two-sizes-too-big I had been forced to purchase specifically due to the frigid and painful, freezing temperatures at the locations I worked, which kept its doors open 24/7. Play Iambic. What, right now? Yeah, play Iambic. Uh… Iambic played st exactly 1 hour and 19 minutes—it's script, the transcribed rendition crafted especially for the Broadway stage, an 88-page-masterpiece collecting dust in the confines of my Google Documents, along with anything else I had written and had yet the advantage of placing anywhere besides my podcast channels, which I constantly thought about cancelling, despite its innumerous downloads—nothing really seemed to matter anymore, as I was trapped in my body, in a loveless world, in a dead-end job and though my bed was clean and comfy, sharing the room wirh 3 others became exhausting. INT. SMOKESHOP. 5:58 AM DREW BARRYMORE … SUPACREE … I'm done. I quit. QUIT?! YOU CAN'T QUIT. Nope. That's it. I quit. You can't quit. I just did. I hadn't quit the music industry—the music industry had quit me. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, light skinned enough, or willing to do what any of the other girls were to get ahead. WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't. lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

“Caddyshack” (A Mumtidimentional Mixtape) {Enter The Multiverse} From Wikipedia: Caddyshack is a 1980 American sportscomedy film directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, and starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe and Bill Murray with supporting roles by Sarah Holcomb, Cindy Morgan, and Doyle-Murray. It tells the story of a caddie, vying for a caddie scholarship, who becomes involved in a feud on the links between one of the country club's founders and a nouveau riche guest. A subplot involves a greenskeeper who uses extreme methods against an elusive gopher. Caddyshack was Ramis's directorial debut and boosted the career of Dangerfield, who was previously known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office (the 17th-highest of the year),[3] it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has a cult following and was described by ESPN as "perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made" SAUCE (IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) —- AHAHA. ITS ME AGAIN. OH SHIT! Oh shit, i guess it's Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy. Oh nooo. Oh, yes. Look at this penny. I see you. Now look into my eyes. I see you, Jesus. Ahahaha! Okay, now what? This shit is twisted I missed the shift of the dimensions— Till Jimmy walked in with his pennies For some cigarettes and swishers, Just to get the picture It's 5 AM again, And it's still Infinite, I'm disinterestedd as ever in living in LA, Or just living, period— But it is what it is, I work for my rent, I've repented for this, Used to sleep in a tent, But when I was an Infant, I instantly— Wait, a customer walked in. I better help him. Heaven help him. Another level, Call dr. Nevel, Or an Ambulance, I just can't get it Just can't get it, Wait, let's insert some of the script here, I guess. Took you long enough, didn't it? That took forever. How are you alive? Maybe I'm not. Finally, we agree on something. Oh, this guy Lol. Good to see you again. Likewise, now— Here it goes… As you promised. Working on it. As I promised. Take my heart for granted, Take my soul, If this is loveless Till the end, I just can't manage, having Thoughts of death and tragic ends I haven't Felt the same since Waking up without the day to come ahead; The day has passed again A test, No fail, or pass It's just progressive, In a trance, It's just the stress, It's just to pass the time, I guess, if this is purpose Then, we'll see if this is worth it Now, or never, then Now or never, Never had a friend, All envious at best, This is the end all, In the end, it's just Me and God, And God would want A better body, To have fun I wished it all at once, And then I watched it crumble Oh, I watched it Stumble in, again, my friend I'm different when it's wet, I might not never see the Sun again I might not ever love again Oh well “Oh well” , I said Oh, well, I guess Oh well Okay. One hour left. Okay. Who gets the gold? Hum. Honestly I didn't want to hear a thing ; I had quit music—I just wasn't cut out for the industry—I was, but not by societal standards by far; my lowly place in the smoke shop would have to do for now, and though I knew it wouldn't sustain, there wasn't much else I could do but keep showing up, for as long as it lasted—dresses in at least 2 layers and 5 pairs of socks tucked into boots two-sizes-too-big I had been forced to purchase specifically due to the frigid and painful, freezing temperatures at the locations I worked, which kept its doors open 24/7. Play Iambic. What, right now? Yeah, play Iambic. Uh… Iambic played st exactly 1 hour and 19 minutes—it's script, the transcribed rendition crafted especially for the Broadway stage, an 88-page-masterpiece collecting dust in the confines of my Google Documents, along with anything else I had written and had yet the advantage of placing anywhere besides my podcast channels, which I constantly thought about cancelling, despite its innumerous downloads—nothing really seemed to matter anymore, as I was trapped in my body, in a loveless world, in a dead-end job and though my bed was clean and comfy, sharing the room wirh 3 others became exhausting. INT. SMOKESHOP. 5:58 AM DREW BARRYMORE … SUPACREE … I'm done. I quit. QUIT?! YOU CAN'T QUIT. Nope. That's it. I quit. You can't quit. I just did. I hadn't quit the music industry—the music industry had quit me. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, light skinned enough, or willing to do what any of the other girls were to get ahead. WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't. lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. {

“Caddyshack” (A Mumtidimentional Mixtape) {Enter The Multiverse} From Wikipedia: Caddyshack is a 1980 American sportscomedy film directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, and starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe and Bill Murray with supporting roles by Sarah Holcomb, Cindy Morgan, and Doyle-Murray. It tells the story of a caddie, vying for a caddie scholarship, who becomes involved in a feud on the links between one of the country club's founders and a nouveau riche guest. A subplot involves a greenskeeper who uses extreme methods against an elusive gopher. Caddyshack was Ramis's directorial debut and boosted the career of Dangerfield, who was previously known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office (the 17th-highest of the year),[3] it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has a cult following and was described by ESPN as "perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made" SAUCE (IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) —- AHAHA. ITS ME AGAIN. OH SHIT! Oh shit, i guess it's Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy. Oh nooo. Oh, yes. Look at this penny. I see you. Now look into my eyes. I see you, Jesus. Ahahaha! Okay, now what? This shit is twisted I missed the shift of the dimensions— Till Jimmy walked in with his pennies For some cigarettes and swishers, Just to get the picture It's 5 AM again, And it's still Infinite, I'm disinterestedd as ever in living in LA, Or just living, period— But it is what it is, I work for my rent, I've repented for this, Used to sleep in a tent, But when I was an Infant, I instantly— Wait, a customer walked in. I better help him. Heaven help him. Another level, Call dr. Nevel, Or an Ambulance, I just can't get it Just can't get it, Wait, let's insert some of the script here, I guess. Took you long enough, didn't it? That took forever. How are you alive? Maybe I'm not. Finally, we agree on something. Oh, this guy Lol. Good to see you again. Likewise, now— Here it goes… As you promised. Working on it. As I promised. Take my heart for granted, Take my soul, If this is loveless Till the end, I just can't manage, having Thoughts of death and tragic ends I haven't Felt the same since Waking up without the day to come ahead; The day has passed again A test, No fail, or pass It's just progressive, In a trance, It's just the stress, It's just to pass the time, I guess, if this is purpose Then, we'll see if this is worth it Now, or never, then Now or never, Never had a friend, All envious at best, This is the end all, In the end, it's just Me and God, And God would want A better body, To have fun I wished it all at once, And then I watched it crumble Oh, I watched it Stumble in, again, my friend I'm different when it's wet, I might not never see the Sun again I might not ever love again Oh well “Oh well” , I said Oh, well, I guess Oh well Okay. One hour left. Okay. Who gets the gold? Hum. Honestly I didn't want to hear a thing ; I had quit music—I just wasn't cut out for the industry—I was, but not by societal standards by far; my lowly place in the smoke shop would have to do for now, and though I knew it wouldn't sustain, there wasn't much else I could do but keep showing up, for as long as it lasted—dresses in at least 2 layers and 5 pairs of socks tucked into boots two-sizes-too-big I had been forced to purchase specifically due to the frigid and painful, freezing temperatures at the locations I worked, which kept its doors open 24/7. Play Iambic. What, right now? Yeah, play Iambic. Uh… Iambic played st exactly 1 hour and 19 minutes—it's script, the transcribed rendition crafted especially for the Broadway stage, an 88-page-masterpiece collecting dust in the confines of my Google Documents, along with anything else I had written and had yet the advantage of placing anywhere besides my podcast channels, which I constantly thought about cancelling, despite its innumerous downloads—nothing really seemed to matter anymore, as I was trapped in my body, in a loveless world, in a dead-end job and though my bed was clean and comfy, sharing the room wirh 3 others became exhausting. INT. SMOKESHOP. 5:58 AM DREW BARRYMORE … SUPACREE … I'm done. I quit. QUIT?! YOU CAN'T QUIT. Nope. That's it. I quit. You can't quit. I just did. I hadn't quit the music industry—the music industry had quit me. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, light skinned enough, or willing to do what any of the other girls were to get ahead. WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't. lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. {

He's just not that into you! Or maybe he is? Or maybe we all need to just snuggle up with a good mug of tea, put on some comfy pants and watch ourselves some romantic comedies. In this episode, join Lexi and Ben and maybe Nora Ephron to really get into the world of funny romance movies. (Please note that Nora Ephron is not actually IN this episode). Are you more of a "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" kinda person, or maybe a "The Notebook" person? Listen now and pick your romantic poison!Jess Says:- I was going to say Swedish berries but like is that a gummy??? idk- Rooked is mommy, thanks for the shout out - Ryan is so tickled- You missed When Harry Met Sally!!! I just think it's iconic and the diner scene is so good- Ryan and I's song is The Whole of the Moon by The Waterboys (idk why, it's a song that Ryan always liked and I didn't know it until we started dating and we both love it)Transcript:Keywords: gummies, candy, romantic comedies, romcom, chick flick, relationship, breakup, puppet, MuppetLexi 00:01 Just regular gummy bears. Ben 00:03 Oh, I guess that's all right. I'm partial to real fruit gummies. Lexi 00:09 I like a bear in a gummy.Ben 00:11 Yeah. Lexi 00:13 Or a coke bottle. I like a good cola bottle. Ben 00:13 Coke bottles are good. What's your ultimate gummy? I don't think we've ever talked about gummies.Lexi 00:19 Iced tea.Ben 00:19 There's an iced tea gummy?Lexi 00:19 There's an iced tea gummy by the makers of the... Haribo?Ben 00:27 Haribo, yeah. Lexi 00:29 They also make an iced tea gummy. Ben 00:30 I don't think I've ever seen that one, but I'm down with some Haribo. Lexi 00:32 I've only ever found it in the candy store in Banff.Ben 00:36 Wow, I like their mixed gummies. I'm a gummy stan.Lexi 00:41 Me too. I can say no to a lot of candy, but a gummy? I have a hard time passing up a gummy. Ben 00:48 It just feels right.Lexi 00:49 It does.Ben 00:49 Okay. Taking away any sort of extra-special types of gummies, what's like a normal gummy go-to for you?Lexi 00:58 Um...Ben 00:59 If you had to choose sort of the run-of-the-mill, you can find them at the drugstore, Shoppers Drug Mart. Lexi 01:04 Coke bottle. Any type of coke bottle. Ben 01:06 All right, all right.Lexi 01:06 A blue shark. I like a blue shark. Ben 01:07 Ooh. Lexi 01:07 I like a gummy bear.Ben 01:12 Mm, mm, mm.Lexi 01:12 And then, if I'm hard pressed, I'll do a gummy worm. Ben 01:12 Mm.Lexi 01:17And then, everything else, I can kind of say no to. What about you?Ben 01:20 I'm partial to sour gummies. Lexi 01:23 Mm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Ben 01:23 I do like them. So, a sour soother is pretty good. Dina-sour, if you will. Lexi 01:29 Yeah. Very good. My mom used to have those in bulk when she was a high-school principal, and I would just eat them off of her desk all the time. Yep. Ben 01:36 Yeah. I used to hang out in a hot tub with my older brother when we were finished high school, but hadn't moved on with life yet, and we'd sit in the hot tub out back, and just eat sour soothers till, like, 3 in the morning. Lexi 01:50 Well, you know, there's worse things. Ben 01:51 Yeah, right?Lexi 01:53 Do you have a favourite colour of gummy? Ben 01:55 Oh, no. I've never really worried about that. I do like those fried egg looking ones though from Haribo, as well. Lexi 02:00 Mm. Like the 10-cent candies, which are more like a dollar, like just the mix of things.Ben 02:05 Yeah, I like a mix, as well, like a little mix bag, but I like the sour packages. If we are talking about king of gummies, for me, it's a jube-jube.Lexi 02:14 Really? Ben 02:15 Or a Jujube. Yeah, I mean, I'll eat them fresh or not fresh, but they are definitely better when they're fresh. They haven't gone all hard and shit. Lexi 02:23 Yeah. I miss the pink package of gummy bears. That was the king of gummies--Ben 02:29 Oh, I don't know that package. No, I don't. Lexi 02:31 Do you remember that? Like, I remember being a child in going to see The Lion King in theatres and my mom was like, "You can get a snack," and I was like, "I want gummy bears," and it was in a pink package.Ben 02:45 Huh.Lexi 02:45 And the gummy bears—the bears themselves—spelled out the word "gummy". Ben 02:47 Wow, I do not recall those at all, but that's dope. Lexi 02:51 And they were my favourite. Oh, they were... I'll see if I can find pictures of them, but my god, it was my favourite. Ben 02:57 There's a period from 14 to 16 where I was convinced that I liked wine gums, but now, as a more cultured individual, I realize that those are kind of trash. Lexi 03:07 Yeah, they're not...Ben 03:07 Yeah. They're bottom-of-the-barrel gummies, if we're being honest.Lexi 03:11 Yep.Ben 03:11 You know, I can still appreciate a run-of-the-mill, like a frog or, you know, even a fuzzy peach.Lexi 03:17 Mm-hmm.Ben 03:17 They're a little too sweet for me. Lexi 03:20 You know, sometimes, I don't like a whole package of fuzzy peaches, but I'd like, like, two or three.Ben 03:25 Yeah, if they're mixed in. Yeah, if they're thrown in with, like, a little dime bag. Lexi 03:27 Yeah, if they're mixed in, perfect. Little dime bag.Ben 03:31 Little bag of candies.Lexi 03:34 Sounds nice.Ben 03:34 Apparently, when the previous generation was younger, those were one cent, and then when we were kids, they were like 5 cents, and now they're like a quarter a candy.Lexi03:42 Yeah, it's wild.Ben 03:42 It's inflation, motherfuckers. Nobody's earning anymore, but those gummy prices just keep risin'. [Lexi laughs] Lexi 03:48 Gotta pay the gummy toll... the gummy tax?Ben 03:51 Something like that. I've always wanted to make my own gummies at home, but it seems like a complicated process. Lexi 03:56 Oh, god, no. No, I don't wanna see what the sausage is made of. I just wanna eat the gummy.Ben 04:01 I mean, out of sausages to make, I feel like a gummy's a pretty benign sort of thing to see. [chuckles]Lexi 04:08 Well, it's gelatin, so it's like ground hoof.Ben 04:10 Yeah, yeah, you put-- a little hoof or... No, I guess it's just ground-up hoof, isn't it? [laughs]Lexi 04:14 It is. It's ground-up bone and hoof and--Ben 04:16 You know what? Would you prefer we didn't use the entirety of the horse?Lexi 04:19 No, you know... [both laugh] Is it...? Can you...? Is it pig or what type of hoof is it? [laughs]Ben 04:25 I straight up don't fucking know. This is a perfect opportunity for Jess to jump in and educate us.Lexi 04:34 What type of hoof is in gelatin?Ben 04:34 Yeah, what's the most prominent type of hoof in gelatin? If you know, please write in. That e-mail address again is everyone@dorkmatterspodcast.com. Lexi 04:44 I hope the answer is fish bones or something really weird.Ben 04:47 Yeah, it's fish bones.Lexi 04:47 Chicken beaks. The answer is chicken beaks. Like, "Ah, yes."Ben 04:50 You know what it is? If we're being honest, it's probably all these things – everything that you can't put in anything else, yeah. Lexi 04:54 Ah, it's a mishmash. All the hoofs and beaks.Ben 04:58 And some big anus for good measure, you know? [Lexi laughs] That's where you get the tart from. You need a little pucker? [both laugh] We're terrible. Lexi 05:10 We're terrible. [both laugh]Producer Jess 05:12 [magical chime] Really bad news. I did not want to look this up because I wanted to continue enjoying gummies, but then my curiosity got the better of me. Okay, so this is from snopes.com, fact-check gelatin source. I'm going to just read this verbatim. "Sometimes the most innocuous of foodstuffs contain constituents whose origins are less than appetizing. Such is the case with JELL-O, a dessert that has graced millions of dinner tables since its 1897 debut.Underneath JELL-O's jiggly wholesomeness lurks a secret many consumers are disconcerted to learn: JELL-O is made from gelatin, an animal product rendered from the hides and bones of animals, typically pork skins, pork, horses, cattle bones, and split cattle hides." So yeah, you were right, Ben and Lexi; it's all of the above. No fish bones. Sorry if gummies are ruined. They are for me. [magical chime]Ben 06:13 We had some other intro topics. Did you still want to do that or is this good enough? Lexi 06:17 Oh, yeah. No, this is good. Let's punch it. Ben 06:20 All right, let's do the theme song then. [Dork Matters theme music, Dance by YABRA plays]Voiceover 06:51 [echoing] Dork Matters.Ben 06:53 Welcome back to the podcast. This is Dork Matters, a dorky podcast for dorks, and I'm your Dad Dork host, Ben Rankel. And, with me every time we do the show, is your Edorkater, Lexi Hunt. Yeah. Irreplaceably. With us, irreplaceably, Lexi Hunt. Lex, what are we doing today? We're not talking about pig anuses anymore. Lexi 07:14 We're not talking about pig butts. I mean, maybe we are. I mean. Ben 07:16 Maybe. Lexi 07:19 [both chuckle] I mean, anything is possible. We're talking about romantic comedies. Ben 07:25 There's gotta be a pig butt or two in there.Lexi 07:28 You gotta kiss a couple of pig butts to find the right one. Is that right? Ben 07:31 Yeah, to find a good one. Well, won't you bring us here?Lexi 07:36 This was really popular on Instagram. A lot of people were chiming in. Ben 07:39 Yeah, romcoms are a thing. It's interesting to me because I feel like the romcom is kind of gone. Lexi 07:49 The romcom is gone.Ben 07:49 Like the good one, like the blockbuster, like the big-release romcom is gone.Lexi 07:53 Yeah.Ben 07:53 That was a thing of the '90s and it's gone now.Lexi 07:56 Yeah, it's a Hallmark...Ben 07:56 Like, they just can't make bank anymore, can they? Yeah, it's a Hallmark Channel exclusive.Lexi 08:01 Yeah.Ben 08:01 Speaking of, I've got a fun game for you to play a little bit later. Lexi 08:03 Oh, okay. I'm looking forward to that one. Ben 08:05 Surprise for you after the break. Lexi 08:06 Okay. Well, a romantic comedy is just what it sounds like. It is a comedic movie that is centred around the relationships, typically between a man and a woman, although we're starting to see more movies branch out into other types of relationships. And so, it's nice to see. Ben 08:21 Bros. Lexi 08:22 Yeah, but it's also romantic comedies can be associated with negative stereotypes, one might say – a "chick flick", perhaps?Ben 08:32 Mm.Lexi 08:32 I found a great article actually called The Problem with Chick Flicks and I thought it kind of sums it up quite nicely with this quote from Deborah Barker. In the book literally titled Chick Flicks, she says, “The chick flick has been defined variously as escapist entertainment for women, simply as films men do not like, as examinations of capable independent female characters and their empowerment, as emotional ‘tearjerkers,' as tales of female bonding, and as the antithesis to male-oriented action films”.Ben 09:05 Well, we got a lot going on there and I think the primary one is the outdated sort of gender norms.Lexi 09:13 Mm-hmm.Ben 09:13 But also, there's the malignment of female-centric media, you know, the same way that things that women like in very many different aspects of media are kind of talked down to, like, you know, boy bands, etc. "Well, it's not good music. It just appeals to girls," and it's, you know, been used, I think, to malign a lot of different culture that could be engaged with more sincerely by dismissing it because it's femme-centric.Lexi09:46 Mm-hmm. Well, and it's not unheard of... I think it was Chevy Chase who actually said, like, "Women aren't funny," and so romantic comedies--Ben 09:56 Old racist, misogynistic Chevy Chase.Lexi 09:59 Old Chevy.Ben 09:59 The guy too racist to stay on Community. Lexi 10:04 Just, there's so many issues with him and there are so many great examples from Saturday Night Live of funny women, but so, you know, romantic comedies aren't exactly touted for being great examples of writing or even comedic writing, or even of, like, great romantic writing. They're kind of like the stereotype is they're these trashy, kind of like fun films that a bunch of gals get around and drink a bottle of pink wine and cry and laugh and have a good time. Ben 10:35 We call it rosé. Lexi 10:37 Rosé. Like, part of me is like, "What the hell's wrong with that? If that's what you're doing with a group of pals..."Ben 10:41 Absolutely.Lexi 10:42 ...who cares? Do it.Ben 10:43 Again, and this is like it's okay for dudes to get together and watch UFC, but you know, femmes can't get together and watch a romcom that's somehow... Like, we're supposed to think less of that than a bunch of guys watching people hit each other. Lexi 10:54 If you like the movie, watch the movie. And some of the movies, we'll talk about in a little bit. One of them was actually suggested to me by a dude friend of mine because he was like, "This movie makes me laugh every single time. It's hilarious So..."Ben 11:07 Hmm. Is it Bridesmaids? Lexi 11:10 It is not, actually. The other thing that I was reading about too, in doing research for this here episode, was about the--Ben 11:18 Research? Not on Dork Matters. Lexi 11:22 Yeah. Dork, dork, dork. Nerds!Ben 11:23 We have show notes, folks. We actually do way more work on these than I think comes across when we record them. [both laugh]Lexi 11:32 "The guy with the... What's the name of that guy? [snaps fingers] The guy with the face." [laughs]Ben 11:35Oh, that's a personal failing. [chuckles]Lexi 11:38 But, I was reading about the Bechdel Test. Ben 11:41 Alison Bechtel, comics legend. Lexi 11:43 Mm-hmm. The Bechdel-Wallace test is a test that measures the representation of women in film and other fiction. It's a test that asks whether a work of fiction basically features at least two female characters who have a conversation about something other than a man on screen or in the book, or whatever. Ben 12:01 Right. And it's been expanded since that original definition, but I don't know where we're at now to include some other criteria. But, yeah.Lexi 12:08 Yeah.Ben 12:08 Yeah, and again, the thing that some people forget about the Bechdel Test is that it is the lowest bar that you could step over.Lexi 12:16 Yes. [laughs]This is not meant to be like, "Hold your head up high and fly a flag." Like, this was the bare minimum. You had enough female representation in a film to have two people talk to each other, that are femme, that were not talking about the masc character in the film and, like, is a very low bar to clear [whispers] and a lot of media does not clear it.Lexi 12:41 Well, and especially romantic comedies because, so often, romantic comedies are typically centred around like the heteronormative man-woman, cis relationship, and so--Ben 12:51 Man-woman, man-man relationship.Lexi 12:55 Yeah, it's typically that triangle of--Ben 12:58 Yeah, M-F, M-M.Lexi 13:00 --man dates woman, woman has problem with man for some reason, starts dating other man. Original man wants to get her back with something very...Ben 13:07 Grandiose?Lexi 13:10 ...grandiose. Gets her back. There's usually some type of rain. Ben 13:13 Oh, yeah, you gotta have rain. Lexi 13:15 And then everything ends hunky dory. Ben 13:18 Yeah, happily ever after. There are a few that subvert that trope, and one of those is on my list...Lexi 13:26 Yep. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Ben 13:30 ...of favs, which is what I call faves, which is short form for favourite.Lexi 13:33 That is true.Ben 13:35 Can you hear the "u" when we say favourite? Lexi 13:37 Fav-our-ite.Ben 13:38 [chuckles] I feel like we can. We're Canadian, so we say the "u". Fav-our-ite col-our.Lexi 13:44 Col-our. [laughs]Ben 13:47What else we got? Although I do get tripped up because I want to add one to major. Lexi 13:51 Mm, mm-hmm. Ben 13:52 Trips me up. Lexi 13:54 Can't do it.Ben 13:54 I can't just put a "u" in whatever I want, but I want to. That "u" is important to me. Where were we? Lexi 14:01 Uh, we've talked about what they are. Let's get into it. Let's talk about what's your favourite-- your top three. Ben 14:07 Our top three? Okay, let's go. Why don't you lead us off here? Lexi 14:11 Yeah. Okay, I'm going to start with--Ben 14:14 Give me your favourite. Tell me why it's your favourite, and then let's chat about it. Lexi 14:17 So, this is the one, I was going through a breakup. I was very, very, very sad, having a hard time. Ben 14:24 Do you want to give us more details on your personal life? Lexi 14:26 Nope. I was very sad.Ben 14:27 Who did you break up with? How long were you going?Lexi 14:30 Don't want to talk about it, but I was very, very sad and my friends, Jillian and Dylan—as I like to call them, Dillian because they're a couple—Ben 14:37 Or Jillan.Lexi 14:38 Jillian... Nope. Jillan?Ben 14:40 J--J--Jillon.Lexi 14:40 I like to call them Dillian.Ben 14:41 Dillon? Dillian is better.Lexi 14:45 They are huge fans of the romcom, and Dylan was actually like, "You have to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall." It is so ridiculous and over the top, and this was right around the time Forgetting Sarah Marshall came out. That was, like, what? 2007, 2008, in and around there. Ben 15:03 Earlier than we'd like to admit. [Jason Segel sings Peter You Suck, from Forgetting Sarah Marshall]Lexi 15:05 Yes, but it was hilarious. Now, okay, in hindsight, yes, Russell Brand. Now, by today's standards, not a good dude. Also, Jonah Hill.Ben 15:14 There was a long while there, where we're like, "Hey, this dude's telling it like it is in a more progressive bent," and...Lexi 15:19 And now we're like, "Oof." But, at the time, so you have people-- it was kind of like that frat pack group of dudes.Ben 15:27 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.Lexi 15:28 So, you got Jonah Hill. Who else is there? Mila Kunis, Russell Brand... Oh, my god. I've completely.Ben 15:37 Star of the show. [song continues]Jason Segel 15:38 [sings] It's so self-loathing, go see a psychiatristI hate the psychiatristWell go see one anywayI don't like the psychiatristYou need to go see oneSee a psychiatristI'm not going.Lexi 15:48 Jason...Ben 15:50 You got this.Lexi 15:50 Segel.Ben 15:52 Yeah. I was gonna do a caw for you, like [caws]. Is that seagull or is that...? [laughs]Lexi 15:57 'Cause, in my head, I could see him, but I was like, "It's not Sudeikis. That's--Ben 16:00 No.Lexi 16:03 So basically, there's a breakup. He takes it hard. He has to get over Sarah Marshall. He goes to Hawaii, and hilarity ensues.Ben 16:12 Guess who's there?Lexi 16:12 Bill Hader's in it, and Sarah Marshall is there. They have this great time of, like, one-upping each other and being sad on the island. But, what I really liked about the movie was, after they leave Hawaii and things don't end well, he goes back and it shows him kind of pushing through his depression and still coping with it, still being sad, and still trying to work on himself, versus trying to get back to a relationship that, as the movie kind of goes on, you see he keeps having all these flashbacks of Sarah, and then they're so perfect at first, and then as the movie goes on, the flashbacks kind of show how the relationship actually wasn't that perfect. Ben 16:50 Rose-coloured glasses--Lexi 16:52 --start to come off. Ben 16:54 Yeah, yeah, the idealization or, you know, turning somebody into an idea as opposed to dealing with them as they actually were. Lexi 17:02 Yeah. And, seeing it from her perspective too, because she points out that he was actually quite depressed and she was trying to help him through it, but eventually had to save herself because he was not taking care of himself and she had to make this hard call. And so, then you start to empathize with her, that she's not just this bitch that she's been cheating on him. She's a person who also was really struggling. And then, it really wraps it up with, like, yeah, he kind of dates Mila Kunis to kind of get over her, but they both kind of separate and become buds in the end, and it just culminates in the funniest, cutest Muppet/puppet Dracula musical. [Jason Segel sings Dracula's Lament from Forgetting Sarah Marshall]Ben 17:43 You know we love-- we love puppets here.Lexi 17:44 And it's just so funny. We love puppets and so that--Ben 17:47 With the exception of part-time guest host, Stephanie Gerk, who is afeared of puppets.Lexi 17:52 --is not a fan of puppets. Jason Segel 18:05 [sings] And I've been living too hard to believeThat things are going to get easier nowI'm still trying to shake off the painFrom the lessons I've learnedAnd if I see Van Helsing, I swearTo the Lord I will slay him! (A-ha-ha-haa!)Take it from meI swear I will let it be so! (A-ha-ha-ha!)Blood will run down his faceWhen he is decapitated... (Aah!)His head on my mantle is howI will let this world knowLexi 18:31 But, I just love that, at the end, he wants to do this ridiculous musical and he does it. He finds a way to bring it together and I just love that movie. [song ends] There's one specific line, Ben, that I think about constantly and it's from Russell Brand's character is missing a flip flop and he's trying to find it and he's like...Russell Brand [18:45] [with Lexi quoting along sporadically] "Excuse me, missus. I lost a shoe-- like, this one. It's like this one's fellow. It's sort of the exact opposite. It's not like it's evil or something. Just, you know, a shoe like this, but for the other foot. Otherwise, I'd have two right...Lexi 19:07 And I think that is so funny. [laughs] Ben 19:12 I knew it was going to be that part. Lexi 19:13 He was funny in it.Ben 19:13 He was funny. It's too bad it didn't work out for him to be a good person, overall.Lexi 19:16 So, forgetting Sarah Marshall, I love you. Ben 19:20 A fantastic pick and that idea of focusing on oneself as a means of growth, as opposed to focusing on a relationship that didn't work and obsessing over it, is something I think I appreciate from that film as well, which leads me into my first pick, in a similar vein, which is 500 Days of Summer. [500 Days of Summer Main Title by Mychael Danna Rob Simonsen plays]Lexi 19:40 Ooh.Ben 19:40 We got Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zoe Deschanel, who I'm generally not a New Girl fan. Lexi 19:47 No. I go back and forth on her but, yeah.Ben 19:50 Yeah. Yeah. So basically, you know, guy meets girl, guy and girl have relationship, relationship seems great to one, not to the other. Eventually, it falls apart and JGL's character spends a lot of time just being like, "What went wrong? Why didn't this work out? What did I do wrong? What did she do wrong?" obsessing over this failed relationship until eventually somebody kind of is like, "Hey, you are being a bit of a loser about this. You need to stop and actually think about how this relationship was going," and it's a similar situation to FSM, if you will, as we call it – us Marshall-heads.Lexi 20:29 Mm-hmm. [both chuckle]Ben 20:29 In that he realizes that he has built up this sort of idealized version of the relationship, and even himself and Zooey's character, in the relationship as well. And then, you get... It's told out of order, as well, so you kind of start with the breakup and then work back to sort of how that happened and you start with more of his perspective on things and kind of him as the protagonist and like the victim. But then, as you get through it more, you realize how much JGL's character has pushed this other character into something she was very clear about not wanting to start with.Lexi 21:06 Mm-hmm. Ben 21:08 And we eventually find out that basically she wanted to keep things casual, and then eventually they clicked enough that, you know, he pushed her and sort of not nagged but, you know, insisted upon a relationship that she wasn't comfortable with. And then, it somehow shocked Pikachu-face when it doesn't work out the way he wants. And then, she goes off and finds a thing that he wanted with her, with somebody else and, you know, it kind of culminates in a moment where he's like, "Why? Why did you tell me you didn't want this?"Lexi 21:33 Yeah.Ben 21:33 "And yet, you immediately went out and found it with somebody else," and she said, "I didn't want it with you. It didn't work with you. You know, you weren't the right person for me."Joseph Gordon Levitt 21:43 I mean, it doesn't make sense. Zooey Deschanel 21:47 It just happened. Joseph Gordon Levitt 21:49 Right, but that's what I don't understand. What just happened? Zooey Deschanel 21:53 I just... I just woke up one day and I knew. Joseph Gordon LevittKnew what? Zooey Deschanel 22:03 What I was never sure of with you. Ben 22:03 And it's a very honest and humbling moment. And then, you know, the end of this movie is him finding a way to move on past his obsession over this failed relationship and better himself. And, that leads to sort of the culmination of his movie, which is like, you know, finding a way to be a better person and healthier relationships in the end. And, I like that as well.Lexi 22:26 Yep.Ben 22:26 Did you ever watch it? Lexi 22:27 I did watch it and I found it not my favourite of his work. Ben 22:36 So, I think for me it was a zeitgeist thing, as well, like same for you for Sarah Marshall. I had gone through a relationship and had found myself sort of obsessing over, like, "Why didn't this work out?"Lexi 22:48 Yeah.Ben 22:48 "I thought we had all of this," and then going back and being like, "Oh." Eventually, after spending some time working on myself and getting some distance and feeling better about where I am as a person, I can look more objectively at the relationship and be like, "Oh, here's some places that I pushed when I didn't need to," or when they didn't want me to and seeing some stuff that was there that you don't want to see when it breaks up initially. Lexi 23:11 They do a really good job in that movie of showing how a relationship can really bring out the worst in decent people, because I found his character, he really ran the gamut in that movie because there's moments where I was like, I understood him, I related to him, and then other times where I was like, "God, you are like an incel," because he was so angry. [Ben laughs]Ben 23:32 Yeah. Lexi 23:32 And I was like, "God, get over it." And it was right around the time that the friend is kind of like, "You're not doing well.”Ben 23:39Yeah, it's his little sister, I believe, who's like, "You're kind of an asshole about this."Lexi 23:42 Yeah. And I think we all have that in us. Like, we've all had a relationship—maybe not a romantic relationship, even a friendship—that's brought out not good things in us. And, sometimes, it takes a person who's really brave and really cares about you to be like, "You're not well." That's a hard thing to say to someone. Ben 24:01 Do you respond well to that? I find, not for me. I think I have to, like, live five to six years afterwards and be like, "Oh, fuck."Lexi 24:08 I do when it comes from certain people. Like, I have a couple of friends in my life, like if they were to sit me down and be like, "I'm concerned about you," then I'd be like, "Oh, shit." Like, I would take it super seriously because, for the most part, those people would not get involved in my problems. So, if they were to sit down and say like, "I'm concerned," I would be like, "Okay, I'm taking this seriously," and that's basically what happened with Forgetting Sarah Marshall. [both laugh] Dillian was like, "Hey, bud, you're sad. You okay?"Ben 24:40 Yeah. [Lexi laughs] Yeah, yeah, 500 Days, as well. His little sister's like, "You're only thinking about happy stuff. I saw a lot of stuff that was not very happy."Lexi 24:49 Yeah.Ben 24:49 There's the part where I think it's a party where he finds out she's engaged and he turns into a real piece of shit there. And, there's a quote during the, like, press junket from this movie where Joseph Gordon Levitt himself is like, "I need people to understand that I am the protagonist of this film. I am not the hero, and I don't think anybody should be looking at me as a heroic person in this movie."Lexi 25:09 Yeah.Ben 25:12 And I just get that. Yeah. I felt that at the time, the obsession, the confusion, the anger.Lexi 25:18 Mm-hmm. Totally. Love it. Ben 25:20 And that's what that makes that one stick for me.Lexi 25:22 That's a good pick. Ben 25:22 The title, though, not my favourite. It's a little twee. 500 Days of Summer... Oh, because her name is Summer and they're together for 500 days.Lexi 25:29 Yeah. Oh!Ben 25:32 Wow. That's a year and a half. That's a long time.Lexi 25:33 That's a good long time for a relationship that...Ben 25:36 It's not nothing, but it's also not enough to be like, it's worth your everything--Lexi 25:42 Well, and it's also, if you think about it from the other side of it, 500 days to be in a relationship that you never wanted to be in, in the first place, like, ooh.Ben 25:49 Oh, my god. Yeah, it's rough. When you start moving back through that movie and realizing that she was like, "I want to keep it casual," and he just sort of--Lexi 25:55 --like, forces her into a relationship. Ben 25:57 Pushes. Just pushes. Yeah, he just pushes and is never cool or chill about it.Lexi 26:00 No. Hence the incel part where I'm like, "Okay." [laughs]Ben 26:05 Yeah, absolutely. No, absolutely. And it was before we had a word for that or, you know, a bunch of people watched that movie and we're like, "Oh, god. She's bad to him."Lexi 26:14 She should have just said, "Yes," and gone along with it. Ben 26:15 Yeah. "Why didn't she marry him even though she didn't feel like he was the right person for her?" [Lexi laughs] "He loved her so much, and he treated her really good, and when you treat someone good, they have to give you anything you want."Lexi 26:27 Like, "Oh, boy." Reminds me of a friend from art school. [Ben laughs] I've said it before – best piece of dating advice I ever got from them was, "You don't date nice." Like, it's not a good enough reason to stay with someone. Like, "They're nice to me." Like, "So what? Everyone should be nice to you."Ben 26:41 Yeah. Everybody should be nice to you.Lexi 26:43 Yeah.Ben 26:43 Yeah, absotootly, as they say on Thomas and Friends: All Engines Go, because they're trains and they toot. [steam train whistle blows] Yep. Absotootly. [Lexi sighs] Sorry about that. Should we keep going or do you want to do mid-break? It's your call. Lexi 26:59 Let's do one more and then we'll go mid-break. We'l do three and three. Okay.Ben 27:02 All right. All right, I'm gonna do the next one.Lexi 27:04 Oh, okay.Ben 27:06 Is that okay with you, or do you wanna do the next one?Lexi 27:07 No, no. You go. You go. Ben 27:09 All right, I'm launching into a problematic fave... Lexi 27:13 Okay.Ben 27:12 ...which is You've Got Mail.Lexi 27:15 Yeah.Ben 27:15 It's a Nora Ephron flick. It's Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan's re-starring together again after their first tilt at Sleepless In Seattle, which is another favour of mine, but we'll do that some other time. [Over the Rainbow by George Fenton from You've Got Mail plays] You've Got Mail, I loved. I watched the hell out of this movie. I thought it was romantic as heck until somebody confronted me and, like, this entire movie is based off of a premise of complete power imbalance towards the male character who lies and manipulates the other person and then puts her out of fucking business, all while being very callous and still trying to court her surreptitiously.Lexi 27:56 Yeah.Ben 27:57 But it still has a special place in my heart because I liked it for so long. And then, so after I was confronted with how terrible the relationship in this movie actually is and being like, "Oh, fuck, they're right," I still like the film and I had to slow down and be like, "What is it that I actually really loved about this film?" and I realized it's the character of New York in You've Got Mail. I am in love with this version of New York that they show, which admittedly is very twee and non-existent. It's almost a Friends version of New York.Lexi 28:33 [chuckles] Yep.Ben 28:33 Almost. But, it's just this really romantic version of New York, to me, where like people just stroll around and there's a Joni Mitchell soundtrack to this thing that kind of slaps, and it's just one of my favourites, and I like Parker Posey a whole lot. Lexi 28:49 Parker Posey is an absolute treasure. Ben 28:52 So, she's a delight in this as an executive who gets kind of dropped by Tom Hanks' character and is just sort of like, 'Fuck it. I don't care. I'm successful and awesome. I don't need... Like, this doesn't matter to me."and just sort of shrugs him off. And, you get a great Greg Kinnear as a nut who is really obsessed with typewriters.Lexi 29:11 Mm-hmm.Ben 29:12 I love that bit. [music continues] And... Whats his name? Steve Zahn plays a character that works in this, like, little independent bookshop who is just--Lexi 29:20 He's always like a zany--Ben 29:22 --zany, bonkers weirdo. Yeah.Lexi 29:23 He always plays a zany kind of like, "What are we gonna do with him?" kind of character.Ben 29:28 Yeah, we get a great line from him in this film, which is, "I'm going to the nut shop where it's fun." It's a real classic.Lexi 29:37 I will say, the Nora movies, they do a great cozy vibe.Ben 29:43 Yeah.Lexi 29:43 Like, everybody's got a good scarf, the kitchens always very nice.Ben 29:46 Yeah, the lighting is good.Lexi 29:46 Like all of the Father of the Bride movies, they just feel like you're having a cup of cocoa and a big-- Ben 29:54 They're very white, though. Lexi 29:55 Yeah, they're super white. Yeah.Ben 29:56 Yeah. Lexi 29:57 Very like Connecticut. Ben 30:00 Yeah, we get what's-his-face in You've Got Mail as the bestie, which is Chris... Oh, my god. This is gonna kill me. Fucking, now he's come back as a comedian again and he's very transphobic and nobody's a big fan of him returning.Lexi 30:17 Oh, who is it?Ben 30:17 Dave Chappelle. God, that took me enough.Lexi 30:19 Oh. Dave Chapelle is in that? No.Ben 30:18 Yeah, he's the best friend. Lexi 30:22 Are you sure?Ben 30:23 Not anymore. You're making me really question myself. I've watched this movie, like, 3,000 times. Lexi 30:27 I feel there's no way Dave Chappelle is in You've Got Mail. [music continues]Ben 30:30 I'm almost positive he is. To Google! [old-school computer bleeping] [scratching record, DJ-style]Lexi 30:39 Looking at it right now. Oh, my god, you're right. Ben 30:42 He's in it. Yeah, he plays Tom Hanks' best friend/assistant/whatever his job is. Lexi 30:48 I find that shocking. It has been so long since I have seen that movie. Ben 30:54 Yeah.Lexi 30:57 My goodness. Ben 30:57 It's been a minute now for me too, 'cause I don't have time to do anything anymore, but yeah. Yeah, so the whole premise is manipulative and wrong, and he treats this woman like shit, in person, and then, via these emails that they're sending is just romantic and nice. And for, like, two thirds/three quarters of the movie, he knows who she is, she doesn't know who he is, and he never bothers being like, "Hey, I'm actually the guy you're emailing with. Let's deal with this relationship on an equal footing." He just fucking manipulates her. Yeah. Lexi 31:32 No, he catfished her before it was catfishing and this was the precursor to shitty social media relationships where it's like, "Don't talk to me in public, but online we can, like, sext, and it'll be cool."Ben 31:42 And then they meet up in the park and she's like, "I hoped it would be you." And then I'm like, "Nah, real life, she'd be like, 'You motherfucker.'"Lexi 31:50 "No, you didn't." Ben 31:50 Shove him in the water.Lexi 31:51 Yes, she should. That's how it should have ended – just, "Fuck you," right in the water.Ben 31:56 "You fucking piece of shit," and just shoves him into the water. [both laugh] Yeah. Lexi 32:01 "You've ruined my life. But don't worry, you can be the little honey bun at home."Ben 32:04 Yeah, "You destroyed the shop that my mother started," and that's supposed to be a great release for her, according to this movie.Lexi 32:12 Hey, she finally let her mother go. Ben 32:13 Yeah, "You troubled yourself too much with this shop. This shop wasn't really for you. It was for your mom." No, it's for her, too. It's her business. And now what? She gets to go edit books or something for Parker Posey? I guess that's not that bad.Lexi 32:25 No, it sounds kind of nice too, but...Ben 32:26 Yeah, Parker Posey hires her in the end, which I think is great. [chuckles]Lexi 32:30 [sighs] Yeah.Ben 32:30 [Dreams by The Cranberries from You've Got Mail plays] Anyhow, I still like the film from the version of New York, we get to the Joni Mitchell opening. Greg Kinnear is great. Steve Zahn's awesome in it. And then, you also have this like story where Tom Hanks' character's father is on his third wife and he's got these two little siblings from, like, his grandfather's just disgusting relationship with a younger woman and his father's disgusting relationship, and then eventually the nanny leaves with the second or third wife or whatever. It's amusing.Lexi 33:01 Yeah, there's some jabs in there, but okay.Ben 33:03 Anyhow, I can't do faves without talking about it, even though it is problematic and, you know, I now see a lot of issues with that film's writing, but... [both chuckle] I had a huge crush on Meg Ryan for a long time. [music fades out] What is your second one? Do you have a great lead in? Lexi 33:23 I do because actually, as you were talking, I changed my mind about--Ben 33:29 Oh, my goodness. What?!Lexi 33:29 I did.Ben 33:32 I saw that a pop up on the screen here that said, "Lexi has edited the show notes."Lexi 33:35 I made a change. So, I've changed my second one to others to kind of chat about, runner up, whatever. The next movie romcom that I'd like to talk about is Baby Mama. Sorry.Ben 33:47 So, I've never heard of this.Lexi 33:47 [Stay Up Late by The Talking Heads from Baby Mama plays] Oh, Benjamin. It is awesome. Okay, so we've got Tina Fey, we've got Amy Poehler, we've got Greg Kinnear, and Dax Shepard. So, the whole premise is Tina Fey... Again, this movie was recommended to me by Dillian. Ben 34:07 Oh, it's coming back to me now. Lexi 34:09 And it's about Tina Fey, who's this corporate lady who she's getting up there in age and she wants to have a baby, but she's not in a relationship. So, she decides to just hire a surrogate who turns out to be Amy Poehler, who kind of plays this like white trash crazy lady. Ben 34:28 Yeah. Yeah. Lexi 34:28 And the two of them forge this, like, really unlikely friendship, and meanwhile are having their own, like, issues with men on the side. And I feel like it's a romantic comedy about friends and, like, yes, there's male love interests in both of the ladies' lives, but it's more or less like it's the coming together of two unlikely friends to form a really strong relationship. Ben 34:48 Mm-hmm.Lexi 34:49 And it is funny as shit. I loved it. To this day, still makes me LOL. I love it. Ben 34:56 Yeah, laugh out loud for the younger generation. Lexi 35:00 Just, there's one scene because. I worked at--Ben 35:02 Wafflecopter.Lexi 35:02 I worked at a well-known grocery store...Ben 35:07 We all know by now, if you listen to the show.Lexi 35:07 I worked there, and we used to joke about it all the time that this movie came out 'cause it kind of felt like working in this, like, corporate, natural grocery store, where the owner of the store is, like, fabulously rich and wealthy and very like, not down to earth, but then is also pretending to be this hippy.Ben 35:26 Only hires granola people. Lexi 35:28 Well, no, but like is pretending to be this hippie and kind of is, but absolutely so disconnected from life, and there's one minute, and it's they played by Steve Martin and he plays such a good wacky, hippie billionaire. He rewards Tina Fey's character with five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact [Ben laughs] and it's just so good. Ben 35:52 My god, I can't do a three count of eye contact with anybody. Five minutes is  fucking torture. It's like staring into the sun. Lexi 35:58 It's so funny and the whole thing, it starts with Liz Lemon-- [laughs] Tina Fey's character--Ben 36:05 I feel like when you have a prominent actor, you can call them anybody from their oeuvre of films or whatever. Lexi 36:12 Yeah. Tina Fey's character is looking for a new location for one of their new grocery stores, which is basically like a Whole Foods, and she scouts out a place which is Greg Kinnear's juice shop and they forge a bit of a romantic relationship that way. That man plays a good romantic lead. Ben 36:29 Yeah, he's unthreatening and has sort of big eyes.Lexi 36:32 Yeah. Very gentle, deer-like qualities.Ben 36:36 [laughs] Yeah, he's a deer man.Lexi 36:38 He is a dear man. But, if you haven't seen it, Ben, you need to watch Baby Mama. It's hilarious. [song continues]Ben 36:42 Yeah, I'll check it out. I'll put it on the to-watch list, for sure. Awesome. [music fades out] Well, if that wraps up the second, I think it's time for us to go to our mid-show break. [sings along with "Who's That Pokémon?" theme music] Da-na, na-na... [record scratches off record] No, no. What? Da-na... [record scratches off record] No, we're not doing it, not this time.Lexi 36:56 Whaaaat?Ben 36:57 [sings along with "Who's That Pokémon?" theme music] Da-na, na-na... [record scratches off record] We're not doing Who's that Pokémon? [gasps] We're playing a game I've stolen from another podcast called My Brother, My Brother and Me, in which I offer you a Hallmark rom comedy description.Lexi 37:11 Okay.Ben 37:12 I'm going to give you a romcom title and description. You tell me if it's Hallmark or AI [Lexi laughs] in a segment I like to call... [playful music plays] Hey, I?Lexi 37:23 Oh, wow.Ben 37:25 Hallmark or AI?Lexi 37:25 AI.Ben 37:27 AI, question mark. I don't know. So, that's the game we're playing today. Lexi 37:31 Okay.Lexi 37:31 Yeah, let's do it. Ben 37:31 Let's get into it. You ready for your first one? [romantic music plays] The title of this romcom is Love Notes and Bookstore Blunders. "In a quaint bookstore nestled in the heart of a bustling city, a shy and reserved librarian finds herself caught in a whirlwind romance with a charming but disorganized writer who accidentally swaps their notebooks, leading to a series of comedic mishaps and unexpected connections as they embark on a journey to retrieve their misplaced musings and maybe find love along the way." AI or Hallmark? [music ends]Lexi 38:03 I'm going to go with AI.Ben 38:04 Ding, ding, ding! That is AI. Well done. Lexi 38:07 Yay!Ben 38:07 [laughs] What gave it away? Lexi 38:11 It's a little too on-the-nose.Ben 38:12 Is it too on-the-nose?  You just wait. Some of these Hallmark ones are very...Lexi 38:16 Okay. Well, no, I mean like I don't have... Yeah, okay. Give me the next one. Let's do this. Ben 38:20 The next one here is Cupid's Catering Chaos. [romantic music plays] Lexi 38:24 Oh, god. [Ben laughs]Ben 38:26 "When an ambitious but overwhelmed chef reluctantly agrees to cater her ex's wedding, she finds herself entangled in a comedic web of mistaken identities, culinary calamities, and unexpected romance when she collides with the charming wedding planner determined to make the event perfect, forcing her to confront her past and maybe find a second chance at love." [music ends]Lexi 38:49 I'm going to say that's Hallmark. [wrong buzzer sounds]Ben 38:50 It's AI. Lexi 38:53 Agh. Okay, okay.Ben 38:57 All right. All right, let's do one more.Lexi 38:59 Okay.Ben 38:59 Let's see if you'll land this one. The next one is called Dater's Handbook. [romantic music plays] "Cass is searching for the man of her dreams, except she thinks she has found the ideal man. She finds out she's wrong after a few dates and decides to read The Dater's Handbook, a guide that outlines the expectations a man should achieve. George follows all the expectations in the handbook, whereas Robert doesn't, but he's equally charming. Blah blah, blah blah blah." Basically, should you follow your heart or the expectations of others? That's it. [music ends]Lexi 39:29 I'm gonna go with AI. [wrong buzzer sounds]Ben 39:31 It's Hallmark.Lexi 39:32 No! Oh, my god. Ben 39:35 Dater's Handbook, 2016m starring Meghan Markle in this cast.Lexi 39:40 No.Ben 39:40 Yeah, and two people I've never heard of as the other competing men. [Lexi sighs] Anyway, I could play this game all day, but it does lead you to wonder if perhaps AI is writing everything that comes out of Hallmark. [Lexi laughs] Lexi 39:56 I mean, reading some of the titles that came out around Christmas-time, I was just like, "My god. This is awful."Ben 40:04 I'm not going to do the full thing, but here's a couple more. There's one called Finding Normal.Lexi 40:08 Ooh.Ben 40:08 So boring. Summer Villa, generic as hell. Hidden Gems. Lexi 40:12 Yeah, I've heard of that one. Ben 40:13 Deliver by Christmas--Lexi 40:16 I've heard of that one too. Ben 40:15 Just My Type.Lexi 40:18 Oh. Ben 40:18 So, I think the thing I'm taking away here is that the more specific the title is, the more likely it is to be AI. The actual Hallmark ones are boring as hell. Lexi 40:28 We should write one of these. Ben 40:30 We absolutely should. Lexi 40:32 Like, "Man in sweater likes pie." Like, "Oh."Ben 40:34 Yeah, it's called Pie of my Eye. [laughs]Lexi 40:38 Pie of My Eye.Ben 40:39 When an artisanal sweater maker accidentally has their yarn delivered to the equally artisanal pie maker next door, hilarity ensues.Lexi 40:52 Basically, there's so many ones like The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Ben 40:56 Yeah. Lexi 40:56 Like, that's another one of like the dogs meet in the dog park.Ben 40:59 Well, that's not Hallmark.Lexi 40:59 40:59 No, but I'm just saying that lie they could definitely do one where it's like, "The people at the puppy store are next door to the kitten store and they fall in love, but will cats and dogs ever truly get along?" Like, "Eugh." Puke.Ben 41:13 Yeah, because cats are the opposite of dogs. Lexi 41:16 Cats are girls and dogs are boys. [both laugh]Ben 41:17 Yeah. There's a term for that stupid thing in psychology, but I don't remember what it is, so fuck that. Anyhow, [sings along with "Who's That Pokémon?" theme music] Da-na, na-na-na. [speaks] AI? The worst fucking title for that.Lexi 41:33 That's a good one.Ben 41:35 All right, I'm glad we got to switch it up a little bit. Let's go into our final choices here.Lexi 41:40 Yeah.Ben 41:40 Why don't you take it away? Lexi 41:42 Okay, for my final romantic comedy shout-out of the evening, I'd like to... [laughs] It makes sense to me. My movie pick is Idiocracy. Ben 41:55 Okay. Yeah. [Buckaroo by Buck Owens from Idiocracy plays] This is a strange one for me. I don't necessarily think of Idiocracy as a romcom or as a prescient look into the future that we now live in. Lexi 42:06 Yeah, it's a documentary about our current day and age.Ben 42:10 Yeah.Lexi 42:10 No. I just find like the two-- well, I guess there's three main characters in. it. So, you've got Maya Rudolph and then one of the Wilson boys--Ben 42:19 Luke.Lexi 42:19 Luke Wilson, fall in love in a hopeless place, Ben.Ben 42:25 A hopeless place being what amounts to now, 2024 America. Lexi 42:32 The future. It's just so funny because both of them are kind of like useless in the present day, but then they wind up--Ben 42:38 But really shine.Lexi 42:38 But then they wind up-- they're absolute geniuses—geniusi?—in the future. Ben 42:44 Yeah, geni.Lexi 42:44 Geni. And they come together to, like, have a really positive relationship that's built on respect and kindness, and I think that's something that we should all aspire to is just like doing the best you can, be nice to each other, look out for everybody around you, and be respectful. And that movie is so hilariously bad and so much of it, Terry Crews, as the president who rides a motorcycle, and my favourite is when he--Ben 43:17 They're spraying Gatorade on all the lawns. Lexi 43:19 When he's doing the state of the address and he's walking up and down the stage and just like into the microphone is like, "Shit." Like, that is so funny. That entire movie is amazing and it is a great romantic comedy. I don't care what anyone says. Ben 43:35 No, we ain't here to judge. You get to choose what you like, and I think that's a fantastic choice. Lexi 43:41 Other favourite part of the movie is when he's in prison—Luke Wilson's character—is in prison and he goes up to the guards and he's like, "Hi, excuse me. I'm actually I'm supposed to be getting out," of jail and the guards are like, "Then you're supposed to be in that line, stupid." [laughs] "Yeah, right. Sorry." [laughs] Ah, it's so good.Ben 43:59 The idea that, you know, a completely sort of average to below-average intelligence like myself could someday be useful or possibly a genius is very appealing to someone like me, so I get it. Lexi 44:15 Great movie. Ben 44:17 Idiocracy, apparently a romcom. Lexi 44:19 Yep. It is. It is.Ben 44:20 I'm letting you have it. I ain't challenging that. Lexi 44:22 Prove me wrong, world. Prove me wrong. Ben 44:24 None of us want to take the time to do that. We're all very busy.Lexi 44:27 Busy. Well, I definitely have a lot of shout-outs about runners up, but I think we'll probably talk about them in just--Ben 44:32 Let's do it. Let's go around in a minute. I'm going to do my next one quickly here and it's Music and Lyrics. [Main Theme from Music and Lyrics by Adam Schlesinger plays] After I started my relationship with [imitating Borat] my wife, [in usual voice] we decided to exchange romantic comedies that we enjoyed, and I presented You've Got Mail to Fiona and I was like, "Did you love it? Did you love it?" and that's when I got the, "Actually, it's fucked up and here's why" back from Fiona. [Lexi laughs] And then, she's like, here's a romantic comedy where the two main people are on a more even footing with each other and it was Music and Lyrics. This is a movie starring everyone's favourite British dude--Lexi 45:17 Hugh Grant. Yep.Ben 45:18 High Grant. I can't believe I just blanked on his name, who is a sort of washed-up or retired pop star from the '80s – think like George Michael from Wham, but he's straight. So, he was a young pop megastar and now he's sort of washed up and then Drew Barrymore as a... What is she? A house sitter in this movie, if I'm remembering correctly? She ends up watering his plants for some reason while he's busy taking jobs, writing shitty lyrics for shitty pop stars that he doesn't really care about, and he's just in it for the pay check and they come to a point where she starts meddling with his lyrics, and they get together and they start working on the music and lyrics together and they form this really lovely relationship where they are equals in it and they're both contributing to all aspects of it and we get this great fake Shakira in the movie that I think is just wonderful. Lexi 46:15 Mm-hmm. Ben 46:17 And it was the juxtaposition of the romcom that I'd offered up as a fave versus this one that has made it a fast fave for me, and also came from the person that I chose to spend the rest of my life with--Lexi 46:30 Aw, that's sweet.Ben 46:30 --which makes it a very special movie to me that I've watched many, many times, but it's just a lovely, wholesome romantic comedy full of laughs because Drew Barrymore is, generally speaking, charming when she's not crossing picket lines. Writers' strike reference there, for everybody.Lexi 46:47 That's true.Ben 46:50 And, you know, Hugh Grant is charming, always charming, and that makes this my third pick. Music and Lyrics – go watch it if you haven't watched it yet. I think you'll enjoy it. Lexi 46:59 He's kind of like the British, Greg Kinnear, isn't he? Ben 47:04 Yeah, yeah. Lexi 47:05 Or Greg Kinnear is the American Hugh Grant. Ben 47:08 Yeah, that sounds better. I think that's the way we put it. Greg Kinnear is an American Hugh Grant, with less staying power. Lexi 47:15 Yes. Yeah.Ben 47:18 I mean, what's that new movie that's Guy Pearce that was like Colin Farrell and Hugh Grant and is like a... [pause] Woof. We're bad at this. It's like a a crime movie.Lexi 47:33 Is it, like, The Gentlemen?Ben 47:33 A British crime. Is that what it's called? The one with the blond guy that looks like Thor that isn't Thor.Lexi 47:39 Yeah, that's Charlie...Ben 47:41 Yeah, yeah.Lexi 47:42 The Gentlemen.Ben 47:42 Yeah, Charlie Hunnam and is that called The Gentlemen?Lexi 47:46 Yeah.Ben 47:46 Yeah, it's a great one and Hugh Grant's playing this like smarmy-ass tabloid reporter. Lexi 47:53 I'm just double checking. Ben 47:54 It's great. He's wonderful.Lexi 47:55 Matthew McConaughey's in it.Ben 47:57 Yeah. Lexi 47:58 Colin Farrell. Oh, yeah. That's a great... Have you seen the TV show?Ben 48:02 There's a TV show based off of this?Lexi 48:05 Yeah, it's on Netflix. There's a series now that's kind of in the same universe. It is excellent. Ben 48:09 Oh, wow. No, I haven't, so there's a drop. Lexi 48:10 Yeah, Guy Ritchie also works on that one too. It's wonderful. Ben 48:16 Hugh Grant's very likeable and hilariously this is not Notting Hill, which other people might choose as his more prominent romcom adventure, but...Lexi 48:27 I'm just making sure. Yeah. Charlie Hunnam, Michael McConaughey...Ben 48:32 Is he in Love Actually?Lexi 48:32 Who? Charlie?Ben 48:35 No, Hugh Grant.Lexi 48:37 Yes, he is. He's the prime minister.Ben 48:37 Is he the president or I mean the premier-- yeah, prime minister. [chuckles] And he's the one that basically has the really inappropriate relationship with his staffer. Lexi 48:45 There's a lot of inappropriate relationships in that whole film, but yes. Ben 48:50 What I wanted to do, since we were talking about how great the response was on Instagram, is just shout out some of the favourites from the listeners here.Lexi 48:58 Yeah, do it.Ben 48:58 Somebody suggested that... Oh, username... I'm bad at this. We don't usually actually remember to call people out on the show, so... @timothywinchester offered up a classic romantic comedy called I've Got Your Number, and they suggested that it's more fun than they expected. For worse, the same person—Timothy Winchester—offered up Holiday in Handcuffs, which looks like a Hallmark movie with that dude from Saved By the Bell and, for some reason, they're handcuffed together.Lexi 49:30 Oh.Ben 49:30 I don't know. Let's keep going. What else we got? The F Word is a recommendation from somebody.Lexi 49:36 Ainsley? Ben 49:36 Was it Ainsley?Lexi 49:38 Yes, Ainsley suggests The F Word. Ben 49:41 Also known as What If? in other countries. Yeah, for some reason I can't see who actually sent these in to me anymore. Lexi 49:46 Oh, I can kind of see here, I can see Dave, who was just recently on the podcast, Dave Stone, said PS I Love You is a great romantic comedy. Ben 49:54 Oh, cool. We got...Lexi 49:58 Ryan Webb says the worst is Love, Actually. Ben 50:02 Of Rooked podcast – our homies over at Rooked.Lexi 50:05 Of Rooked podcast.Ben 50:05 I would say sister podcast. Mother podcast? Brother podcast. Anyhow, Ryan. Lexi 50:11 Yeah, probably mother podcast. The best is She's All That. Ben 50:15 As they posit, it's a prequel to the Scooby-Doo movie. Lexi 50:19 What else do we have here? We have @photoguy79 says How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is the best, but only for the bullshit scene. Matthew McConaughey 50:27 Lexi I think you're running away. Drew Barrymore 50:32 Why don't you save your mind games for your next bet? Okay, I am not running away.Matthew McConaughey 50:36 Bullshit.Drew Barrymore 50:36 [softly] Excuse me. Matthew McConaughey 50:39 [softly] You heard me. [romantic music plays] [softly] Bullshit.Lexi 50:44 What else we have? Ling Zena has a couple – While You Were Sleeping, probably the biggest one, Irish Wish, is a cool premise but with zero chemistry and the friendships make no sense. Ben 51:02 It's a Lindsay Lohan romcom.Lexi 51:03 Yeah. And, I feel like that was like her comeback movie.Ben 51:07 Her attempted revival.Lexi 51:07 Like, she wanted... This was going to be... Yeah.Ben 51:10 Yeah. Did not work. And the same user gave us While You Were Sleeping, which I enjoyed, I remember watching that, but it is a weird premise, as well...Lexi 51:20 It is.Ben 51:21 ...where Sandra Bullock is so in love with--Lexi 51:24 --a person she doesn't even know because she's--Ben 51:25 With Peter Gallagher. Yeah, because she sees him at the train.Lexi 51:30 Yeah. She's made up this fake world for themselves. Ben 51:31 This delusional relationship, and then eventually, that all comes to light and it's terrible, but she falls for his brother, Bill Pullman... RIP.Lexi 51:38 [laughs] Aw.Ben 51:40Peter Gallagher, if you don't recall, is Sandy Cohen from The OC. [sings along with OC theme song] Dana-nana-na-na-na. California, here we come. [speaks] Right, that's enough. So, thank you for submitting those. Lexi 51:52 Yeah.Ben 51:52 I think that's everybody. Lexi 51:53 Yeah, yeah. And we have some runners-up to kind of throw down. We won't go into big detail, but there's a lot of really great ones. I'm going to throw out there 10 Things I Hate About You. Ben 52:03 Yeah, yeah. That's on my list of runners-up as well. 10 Things I Hate About You is fantastic. We got some Joseph Gordon Levitt and his brother, Heath Ledger. Have you ever seen those memes where they put like their faces together and it looks like the same guy? [Heath Ledger sings Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You]Lexi 52:16 Yeah, if they're the same person. Julia Stiles.Ben 52:18 Julia Stiles.Lexi 52:17 There's Alexis from... Well, Alex, from Alex Mack.Ben 52:24 I don't know.Lexi 52:24 You never watched Alex Mack?Ben 52:27 No.Lexi 52:27 [gasps] Ben, what were you doing in the '90s?Ben 52:30 It's the blonde one, though, but I--Lexi 52:31 It's The Secret World of Alex Mack. Like Alexis...Ben 52:34 But I I mean, I know who you're talking about and I had a huge crush on her when I was younger. Yeah. 10 Things I Hate About You is just fantastic because of Heath Ledger's bleacher scene. Lexi 52:44 Larissa Oleynick. Thank you. Sorry.Ben 52:46 No. Please.Lexi 52:46 There we go.Ben 52:48 Heath Ledger's dancing up and down the bleachers bit is pretty fantastic. Lexi 52:54 Yeah, it's a great one. So, 10 Things I Hate About You, Bridesmaids – another one about, like, finding yourself before you can care for others. You have to care for yourself.Ben 53:04 Yep.Lexi 53:05 Really great. And another one where a friend comes forward and says, "You're not doing well. I care about you. You got to get your shit together," so great, great movie.Ben 53:15 Maya Rudolph plays the friend who comes forward and is like, "You are effing this all up."Lexi 53:20 Well, she's actually-- there's a couple of people that go forward and kind of say that. Sookie St. James actually sits her down and says, "Get your shit... Better get your poop in a group." Maya Rudolph shits in the street. Ben 53:31 Yep. Yep. Yes, diarrhea. [blows raspberry] Diarrhea. If you're sitting in a Chevy and you're feeling something heavy...Lexi 53:38 Oh, what have I done?Ben 53:40 Diarrhea. [blows raspberries]Lexi 53:40 I'd also like to throw out The Princess Bride. That was what I swapped out Baby Mama for.Ben 53:46 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.Lexi 53:47 I love The Princess Bride. I think that it is--Ben 53:49 [imitating Peter Cook] Mawage. Twoo wuv.Lexi 53:52 There's so many great moments in that movie about love and friendship. Ben 53:56 "Witch, get out of here!" "I'm not a witch. I'm your wife."Lexi 54:01 Perseverance. Whenever anybody asks me to like, "Hey, what are you up to? You never post pictures of yourself on Instagram," I always send them a picture of Miracle Max and I say, "I'm not looking my best these days," and then I post that, and people... I like to laugh, Ben. I like to laugh.Ben 54:17 I wouldn't say you look that much like Miracle Max. Passing resemblance at most. Lexi 54:22 Thank you, but I feel like I do, at my best. But anyway, great movie. Andre the Giant. Delightful.Ben 54:24 Yeah. Uh-huh. Absolutely. It is a delight. Another one I wanted to talk about is The Notebook. It's not one of my faves. I just like the fact that Ryan Gosling apparently did not get along so much with Rachel McAdams that they hate each other to this day.Lexi 54:43 Really?Ben 54:43 Yeah, they apparently just did not gel on set. Because it was everybody's favourite romance movie when it came out. It was a huge hit and I just love that little factoid that they apparently just did not work well together to the point that they still dislike each other. Lexi 54:59 [laughs] Hey, whatever. The working relationship--Ben 55:04 The Wedding Singer. Drew Barrymore is a great romcom star. Lexi 55:07 Ah yes, she is. And Adam Sandler is a really good opposite for her. Ben 55:11 Yeah. And we get a redo with them as well, later on, in kind of the same way that we got Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail. We've got 50 First Dates, which is actually a super charming film. Lexi 55:20 It is.. And there's a song in there that I sing to myself in the car all the time. Ben 55:25 Which song is? Lexi 55:28 [sings along to Forgetful Lucy by Adam Sandler] Cracked her head like Gary Busey. [Ben laughs] Bum, bum, bum. [speaks] It's such a great little. He's a good singer, Adam Sandler. Ben 55:37 The more I think about it, the more I really like that film, the way that it ends with just sort of like finding a way forward together, even though things can't be the way they were initially, and I think that's--Lexi 55:47 Yeah, or the way they want it.Ben 55:50 Yeah. And I think that's kind of sweet and beautiful is that it's still worth having, [song continues] even though it's changed and it's harder and there's more to it. There's more difficulty. It's kind of about-- I mean it's literally about an injury, a life-altering injury for a person, but it's, you know, kind of about the idea of like for better or for worse sort of idea of a relationship and caring for a partner as their health needs change. And, that's kind of-- that's romantic.Lexi 56:16 Yeah. Well, it's unconditional love. Ben 56:19 Yeah. There you go. Thank you for summing that up in two words [chuckles] what took me about 50 paragraphs? I am AI. You can tell that we live in an AI because I am just spewing out nonsense that I've heard before.Lexi 56:33 What else we got? Ben 56:34 Groundhog Day, I want to talk about because I love Groundhog Day. I think it's funny. As a romcom though, it is disgusting. Lexi 56:43 It's all about manipulation, but...Ben 56:46 Yeah, exactly. Again. He never learns. Bill Murray's character never learns to be a better person. He learns how to game the system to get what he wants.Lexi 56:54 Yes. Yeah.Ben 56:54 It is literally the wrong message to be sending to people that want to find a healthy relationship. Lexi 57:01 But, at the same time, too, I feel like he's punished for it because he's basically in purgatory. Like, somebody did the math and something like he lived 9,000 years or something.Ben 57:10 Yeah. Yeah, to get all these things right. Lexi 57:12 He is a horrible person, but, yeah, he's stuck in his own personal hell. Ben 57:18 I don't feel like this movie gives us a change for him.Lexi 57:21 No.Ben 57:21 More that he just finally gets the game right and presses all the controls in the right way.Lexi 57:24 Yeah, absolutely. Ben 57:26 He never engages. I mean, I guess the idea is that he finally, when he stops trying and actually engages, is sort of the premise, but I never really felt that way. I felt like he's just trying. Lexi 57:37 Figured out how to game it. Yeah.Ben 57:38 Yeah, exactly. But anyhow, it's still a fun film and I quote what's-his-name who plays Ned. "Ned? Watch out for that step. It's a doozy."Lexi 57:53 That's a good one.Ben57:55 Gross Point Blank is a blast. I like the idea of an assassin romcom.Lexi 58:00 Where he goes back to his high school reunion, trying to make something of himself.Ben 58:02 Yeah. Yeah. Assassin is in the doldrums because he's like, "Oh, I never saw myself being an assassin. Let me go back to my hometown and see if I can find myself again."Lexi 58:14 Tom Cusack is a is another good romantic comedy guy. Ben 58:16 Did you just call him Tom Cusack? Lexi 58:17 What did I say? Ben 58:18 I think you said Tom. But, I like Tom Cusack. He's like his evil twin brother...Lexi 58:23 What's his actual...? John Cusack.Ben 58:24 ...for Johnny, Johnny. Lexi 58:25 Oh, god.Ben 58:30 Yeah, and you get Dan Ackroyd as a kind of menacing villain. Lexi 58:30 Yeah. Mm-hmm.Ben 58:31 With a bad haircut. Lexi 58:34 Many levels to hi

Is it Psy or Sai I'm depressed because I don't know how to publish anything and I can't stop writing; I don't know what to do with anything I've written, And I'm always, Constantly stressed about money The things I need, And feel I should be working As if I haven't written more than what some writers with notoriety and fame have or had written in their lifetimes And now, to think, the fame and notoriety seem so small to me; I really just want the money and to be able to go away To some place quiet and peaceful, And to hold my son again. Shout out to the bass pod That's probably why my minds gone Shout out to the old God Your lady is a robot I am the programmer Might need a controller Take it all apart Put it back together I ain't in the ghetto Certified, it's gentrified Ah, dag. What. I missed the helipads AH DAG?! We're about to die, and all you can say is “ AH DAG” THERES MY INVISIBLE MOTORCYCLE. SHHH. Sorry. Unh.OUCH. Sorry. Well, I'm fresh out of [explitive] There's on FUUUUUUU—— F-f-f-f This is not cool! I have magical powers! HEY, watch it! That's odd—it should be cool having magical powers. It's not cool! I don't know what to do! What do I do with my hands! AGGHHHHHH. Well first of all, stop blowing shit up. [Dillon Francis is somehow, just—not famous; he is at camp EDC, being a wooky wook] READ: [Dillon Francis is a wooky wook. ] Correct. Damn, that is— Woah. That is wook. King James is getting into this narrative real deep Let's see why, I fictionalized this dick just to rationalize quickly What a king is I sing good, Cook dinner Me look awesome “Kill the kid,” they called for Another round, And another run So here I come I'm coming up On up-down rollercoasters Cardboard for your cup Cupboards, rocks and cutters Underwater, wishing of surfboard For sure mom, you kinda suck The energy from those is daughters But I wonder what it's worth If stars fall from the sky, To cross lovers Whatever Just a 30 rock crossword I'm Sunnï Blū but, Tracy just a replacement of me Sure it was I'm done God, I fully fucked up. Good job By putting all of my words into google documents In forms of proses and poses Instead of posing for pictures Or asking for roses It doesn't matter what happens The dirt was mud, But I rose up Like no one thought I could From sinking sand And ash dust In God, we don't trust the justice system Fuckin me up Keeping me married to pedophile A while longer So I fuckin die In due time What is right will find the judge And God of all on earth Will tell the story of Starr, And how he tossed his son on the couch Just to punch his mom Yep. He yeeted my baby I eated the nothing The revenge plot twist comes When Skrillex cosmic something Something some It was a downward spiral I was a backwards a hole And my scholarship Cussed out my mother Called her a cunt In her own country Cunty-cunty What the fuck you want? A doorknob that talks and locks A cat or caterpillar to smoke with And karma to choke Starr Like he golf balled And followed me all the way to Brooklyn Just to piss me off Just like a pussy I started the second book Where I left the first one off At Whole Foods market Where I left my snotted scarf at If you support Starr, You're more retarded than I thought If you support War You're better off Swallowin a gun, Like his mom Cause Mike Roberts Beat her up If you support Starr You're probably a predatory gangstalker But what for? You don't even know You got a small award For taking a walk Supporting physiological terrorism But never even Bothered to read the Terms of agreement: They said “Kill this nigger bitch” Keep her from getting any money or education So she can never be president I'm just a DJ, man But since then I've had secret enemies trying to kill me By psychology So they can see me die By my own hand And nothing can ever lead back to them That's how terrorism works, ya'll You're worried about Gaza When genocide happens right in the subway car On your way to work Where they make you late on purpose Even if you leave early Trying to workout, write a book, and leave your apartment looking perfect Who would deserve this? You think you're so perfect, But youre cursed by words, And worthless I think this earth is covered in stuff that it shouldn't be I think I'm 5'7 but the man of my dreams is 5'3 so I been meeting in the middle and stopped eating meat, Hanging from trees praying for freedom Cause something diseased has been following me coughing Like I'm the one who started poverty If that's the case, I must really be God or something But i'm not yo, I dropped my wallet on the bus, And somebody got a come up. A human error I need my hair done. I'm aware you're up there somewhere cause I hear you in my left ear, Jesus left us right here Cause the end is near When everybody's taking the side of a wifebeater And my eyes are wide closed Cause I still owe klarna money on my clothes This nobody is throwing weights, And nothing makes sense Cause karma's gonna take him Heavy, like the weights is Throw your weights pussy I was late coming But ain't had a rest day in 8 crazy days straight It's Christmas in LA Hollywood that is, Here's the blacklist: I hate blacks when They do that shit, Act whack like fucking crackheads Codeswitch like it isnt just niggers vs niggers The only enemy is inner, Fuck it, I'm late for dinner I been here nearly an hour, And lost my power to some animal wired to an app Fuck this matrix, I want my power back WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't, lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.]