Candour Communication Podcast

1:04- behind the scenes: podcast stats - number of countries, downloads and fan favourite episodes.  6:11 - We're putting the podcast on hold indefinitely.  9:54 - Mark's favourite episode: Chris Marhefka.  14:38 - Adrian Spear episode: distance between stimulus and response.  15:39 - Grant  Herbert episode: be yourself.16:13 - funniest moments: Lisa Linke, Christian Fleck, Daisy Simonis.  19:32 - most inspiring guests: Dr Everett Worthington, Ashley Kesner, Ricardo Gonzalez, Greg van Borssum.  24:29 - most surprising moments: grief (Jillian Rosoff and David Richman) and erotic empathy (Amanda Luterman), backburners (Dr Michelle Drouin).30:45 - the counter-intuitive Danish way of parenting: Jessica Joelle Alexander.  34:07 - most informative: Dr Timothy Levine.  38:43 - episodes on trust: Marie-Clarie Ross and Melanie Marshall.  39:00 - presenting and storytelling: Laurie Gilbertson.  40:26 - story telling: Francisco Mahfuz, Gabrielle Dolan.  44:07 - quick recap of topics covered in the podcast.  45:17 - leadership episodes: David Neal and Ryan Hartley.  48:02 - topics that we would have liked to do?  50:26 - benefits of doing the podcast: meeting people.  51:14 - empathy: Dr Ashok Bhattacharya and Daniel Murray.  53:11 - relationships are at the heart of life: Dr Michelle Drouin, Craig Bulmer and Ashley Fico.  54:48 - knowing better does not mean doing better: Divan's communication mistake.  59:32 - feedback: Jason Rosoff and Paul Farina.  1:01:09 - Tina Robinson: "all behaviour is communication".  1:01:40 - Mark's recommendations: Chris Marhefka, Dr Michelle Drouin, Amanda Luterman, Jessica Joelle Alexander.  1:02:45 - Divan's recommendations: Jessica Joelle Alexander, Francisco Mahfuz, David Neal, Dr Ashok Bhattacharya, Jason Rosoff, Dr Timothy Levine.1:05:15 - practice is as important as knowledge.  1:05:50 - wrapping up the podcast.  1:09:52 - connect with Divan and Mark.  1:10:28 - final words.  You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/the-finale/

1:33 - being present rather than prepared.  4:26 - the moments that happen when we're present.  6:04 - being in the moment allows you to interact with your audience.  7:56 - does the costume help to lower inhibitions?  9:43 - curiosity, empathy and naivete.  11:28 - training yourself to see as if it was your first time seeing.  14:00 - how did clowning start for Angie?  16:23 - clowning is vulnerable and authentic.  24:10 - how Angie's previous careers helped with clowning.  27:31 - clowning in the corporate environment.  32:10 - you are more than the role you perform.  34:23 - the value of staying in the mess.  36:50 - those moments of stuck aren't real.  38:32 - making the time and space to play.  39:53 - status games.  45:23 - clowns play, they don't act.  46:22 - overthinking makes us perform worse.  48:18 - the role of the court jester.  51:22 - how the class transforms through clowning.  56:51 - we connect through our imperfections.  1:00:02 - connect with Angie.  You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/angie-wakeman/

1:21 - the first person to disagree on LinkedIn.5:20 - the countries Florian has lived in. 7:18 - most difficult country to adapt to. 9:17 - are people less friendly in some countries? 12:32 - some cultures are more indirect.14:36 - how to get an insight to the country's unwritten rules.16:30 - how Florian felt about going to a boarding school in a new country where he didn't speak the language.18:09 - why should people live in a different country? 24:45 - a new country is a clean slate. 27:10 - finding yourself when travelling. 32:00 - fear of failure stopping us from starting. 36:57 - don't overthink what you say because people don't care. 39:10 - tying self worth to people's opinions. 41:48 - learning and fear and failure. 44:18 - is social media a waste of time? 47:50 - create a learning entourage. 50:30 - the benefits of learning new languages. 57:45 - how to learn a new language? 1:09:21 - connect with Florian.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at:  https://candourpodcast.com/florian-decludt/

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/melanie-marshall/

2:10 - Alexander Hamilton.  5:02 - what drew Laurie into criminal law?  10:26 - the most important lessons Laurie's father taught her was about communication.  11:55 - importance of credibility when making your case.  14:18 - logic vs emotion in arguing a case.  17:32 - the importance of primacy: making the most of an opening statement.  23:53 - knowing your audience when the audience is very diverse.  27:37 - dealing with difficult people in the audience.  30:25 - we can easily misread our audience.  31:57 - the stories we tell ourselves can hinder communication.  33:16 - how to prepare for presentations.  38:16 - can you prepare too much?  43:23 - making a closing argument.  46:36 - communication lessons from interrogating witnesses.  48:58 - if you want honest feedback, ask kids.  52:01 - let your witness be the star of the show.  55:32 - arguing cases you don't believe in.  1:02:27 - adapting your presentation style for television.  1:04:26 - biggest barrier to good presentations: being yourself.  1:06:24 - do people struggle more with content or delivery?  1:09:56 - be like a child when speaking on stage.  1:12:13 - connect with Laurie Gilbertson. You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/laurie-gilbertson

1:31 - Radical Candor in the Rosoff household.2:08 - what drew Jillian to grief counselling.4:30 - people are scared to talk about death.7:06 - what to say when someone is grieving.9:47 - we will all say the wrong thing at some point.10:50 - people get less support during grief than we think.12:25 - avoiding resentment when people don't reach out.14:39 - when the platitudes don't fit.16:40 - don't give advice.17:59 - we grieve in context.19:50 - different styles of grieving.20:45 - grief has more emotions than sadness.21:54 - can grief lead people to detrimental paths?24:41 - healthy ways to deal with grief.26:27 - scared to be in the present because that's where the emotions are.28:09 - how to stay calm and take care of yourself to help others?32:55 - not feeling the "right" emotions when grieving.35:06 - what value does a grief counsellor add?37:48 - kids communicate through play.41:51 - people can have very different rituals when grieving someone.44:28 - the impact of not being able to attend funerals during COVID.48:48 - we only know how to live if we've been confronted with death.51:02 - the power of humour.55:40 - feeling like we have to be strong for others.1:0:24 - enjoying the present vs reminiscing about the past.1:01:55 - what is most important when people look back on their life?1:03:23 - sharing our stories can be a way to connect with each other.1:06:00 - connect with Jillian.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/jillian-rosoff/

2:05 - what drew Ryan to work at a call centre for the police.4:28 - lessons from a emergency call centre.6:45 - hire for character and social skills.7:55 - de-escalating highly emotional situations.10:17 - the hardest phone call Ryan ever took.12:02 - importance of self-care in high stress jobs.16:06 - managing your own emotions in high stress situations.18:34 - the importance of being calm as the leader.19:45 - leadership is an act, not a title.21:18 - everyone has a purpose.26:25 - candid conversations are not an excuse for being blunt and harsh.27:01 - mindset, skillset and heartset.31:09 - how Ryan developed a servant-leadership approach in a status-driven environment.33:03 - a leader's job is to be a greenhouse.35:01 - the importance of team identity.  39:32 - the culture deck from the founder of Netflix.41:07 - leading with your heart is hard but worth it.45:04 - feedforward instead of feedback.45:34 - love tough.49:02 - attachment theory applied to leadership.49:55 - it's more important to be relational than to be right.53:38 - the importance of courage in leadership.54:44 - coming to the world from love, not for love.57:43 - how Ryan's marriage survived a rough patch.1:02:36 - what lessons did marriage troubles teach Ryan.1:04:21 - self-defence mechanism to rejection.1:05:35 - everyone deserves to be loved.1:08:21 - what does "always better than yesterday" mean to Ryan.1:10:24 - leaving a heartprint.1:12:07 - the ripple effect of leadership.1:13:09 - get in touch with Ryan Hartley.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/ryan-hartley/

1:53 - phantom phone vibrations.2:35 - from development psychology to technology impact on relationships.3:53 - is technology helpful or harmful to relationships?7:24 - parents' concerns about kids on technology.9:06 - technology opens up communication with people across the world.9:47 - phone addiction is not all bad.11:07 - using our phones for social good.12:56 - calling her Grandma.14:28 - millennials are scared of phone calls.16:10 - does talking to strangers make us happy?21:19 - a small kindness to a stranger can make their day.23:06 - the intimacy famine why it matters.25:37 - the life-giving power of physical touch.30:24 - the importance of a shared bedtime routine with your partner.33:05 - using technology together can still build intimacy.34:35 - rules are important to avoid conflict.36:28 - make rules when you are calm.38:30 - rewards are more effective than punishment to change behaviour.40:40 - how can singles get more intimacy?42:59 - back burners - a threat to your relationship?48:35 - Ex-partners are most likely to be backburners.49:20 - social media is the cause for up to 30% of divorces.50:27 - rules around social media?52:10 - people may have different intent than you when using social media.54:31 - the lies people are most disappointed by when online dating.56:36 - lying on dating sites reduces relationship length.57:52 - pitfalls to avoid when dating online.1:00:23 - the criteria you are looking for when dating.1:02:10 - relationships are so important.1:03:21 - persisting with our current relationship vs looking for something new.1:05:32 - what if our relationship has lost it's spark?1:09:19 - connect with Michelle.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-michelle-drouin/

1:39 - from enemies to best mates.6:12 - there is nothing noble about being harmless.7:06 - avoiding or engaging with conflict.7:27 - what makes a leader?8:50 - good leadership looks different in different contexts.11:40 - the leadership style in the military.12:59 - how values and beliefs impact team performance.15:12 - navigating the conflicts that arise from having a diverse team.15:35 - definition of leadership.16:30 - diversity is contextual. What are you trying to achieve?18:43 - are you trying to be right or correct?20:36 - leaders represent people authentically in forums where they cannot represent themselves.22:18 - trying to be right disengages people around you.23:41 - it's better to lose the battle and keep the relationship, especially with your kids.25:07 - extreme ownership and admitting mistakes.27:28 - where the name Eighth Mile Consulting came from.29:18 - owning our mistakes turns our weakness into a strength.31:39 - owning your faults increases your credibility and your ability to influence.32:55 - steelman and strawman debating tactics.36:01 - influence starts by listening, not speaking.38:14 - it takes discipline to shut up and listen.41:55 - I don't have time to listen.44:02 - why boundaries give more freedom.52:14 - boundaries with children.54:46 - just do what makes you happy is terrible advice.56:46 - the standard you walk past is the standard you accept.58:18 - sometimes leaders only have bad options to choose from.1:00:14 - leadership is not about you.1:02:44 - a leader's reputation is their influence.1:06:1 - making an unpopular decision that you believe will be best for the long term.1:10:49 - reputation is based on your character but not fully in your own control.1:12:57 - how to become more self-aware as leaders.1:15:30 - everyone is a leader.1:16:11 - how to create a safe space for people to speak up.1:18:55 - empathy saved the world.1:24:7 - our ego can be our greatest enemy.1:26:12 - connect with David Neal. You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/david-neal/

2:28 - how Cheri and Jackie first came across the idea of Appreciative Inquiry.4:04 - how many hours in a day are you in conversation?4:32 - what is appreciative inquiry.5:34 - difference between a good and a bad conversation.7:18 - you can feel when you are in a destructive, depreciative conversation.7:42 - how many of our conversations can be worth having?9:42 - our words affect each other.11:13 - what to do when the conversation is turning sour.12:02 - our conversations with loved ones are often less intentional than with strangers.12:41 - example of using Appreciative Inquiry in the real world.14:14 - Appreciative Inquiry is not about having rose-coloured glasses.15:22 - the technique of flipping.16:52 - how Appreciative Inquiry has impacted Cheri and Jackie's life.17:15 - our words matter immensely because they shape our world.19:08 - conversations worth having at home.20:57 - how to get your children to actually talk to you.24:26 - the constructionist principle.26:32 - the poetic principle.29:01 - Are appreciative conversations something we're born with or can it be learned?31:01 - there is a place for the sceptic.31:40 - appreciative inquiry doesn't mean you ignore problems.31:54 - analytical approach: looking for positive deviants.33:17 - overcoming negativity bias.36:15 - how to manage your emotions in the moment.37:47 - asking generative questions.42:11 - dealing with negative people who don't want to have constructive conversations.44:45 - a conversation worth having is not just a positive conversation.45:23 - don't assume people don't want to talk to you just because they are shy or introverted.47:30 - example of how leaders can use appreciative inquiry.51:55 - why appreciative inquiry is more likely to influence and create change.54:21 - How Jackie used appreciative inquiry in the hardest conversation of her life.1:01:03 - connect with Jackie and Cheri.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/cheri-torres-and-jackie-stavros

2:09 - how do people respond when Amanda introduces herself at a networking event.3:52 - scared of talking about sex.5:06 - how Amanda's journey into erotic empathy started.6:43 - what is erotic empathy.7:47 - we push our partner away because of the way we feel about ourselves.8:57 - not being judgemental about your partner's sexual preferences.11:08 - is it usually females who are more likely to find themselves unattractive?12:52 - how to open up with your partner about your sexual preferences.16:01 - asking your partner: what were you fantasizing about during sex?16:16 - power dynamics are a common sexual fantasy.16:47 - example of initiating sex with a power dynamic.18:54 - the way people engage in partnered sex contradicts the way people masturbate.21:57 - lessening the pressure and expectations in sex.24:30 - how important is sex in a romantic relationship.25:57 - your marriage isn't over just because you develop feelings for someone else.27:06 - the pressure men feel during sex.29:50 - a lover is not responsible for both people's pleasure.30:35 - being good at sex is not about technique.32:18 - religious or moral constraints on sex.34:36 - therapy can help couples communicate their sexual needs and expectations more safely.35:32 - how to get better at talking to your partner about sex.38:12 - what do women want? what do men want?40:22 - power switching and taboo fantasies are super arousing.41:44 - is there hope if you are no longer attracted to each other?46:42 - marriage is a promise to look after yourself for the other person.48:21 - what if I'm not into the same things that turn on my partner?51:48 - can sharing fantasies of sleeping with other people go too far?53:52 - controlling your emotions so your partner can share their sexual preferences openly with you.54:51 - sex is about communication and emotion regulation skills.55:34 - the paradox of building confidence in your sexuality.57:01 - how important is sexual compatibility when choosing a partner.59:38 - why is sex important for your relationship and your health.1:02:02 - connect with Amanda. You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at https://candourpodcast.com/amanda-luterman/

2:40 - what attracted Ricardo to the topic of belonging.4:06 - Diversity and inclusion should have its foundation on belonging.5:52 - why belonging is more powerful than inclusion.7:46 - diversity and belonging.8:44 - what constitutes a culture?9:20 - cognitive diversity.9:41 - should all people to all groups?10:41 - why a team needs a strong culture11:45 - can't we choose to which groups we want to belong?12:49 - to belong or not to belong.14:01 - I did not belong at my own house party.16:58 - we can't belong if we have different beliefs and values.17:42 - diversity vs team fit.19:40 - company culture statement.23:26 - high context vs low context cultures.27:01 - why leaders need to be more high context.28:00 - caught in-between cultures.33:03 - how to find a place where you belong.36:39 - people are attracted to people like themselves.37:19 - belonging vs fitting in.38:41 - lack of integration has been demonised.41:14 - being unfairly rejected by the group where you thought you belonged.47:40 - ex-communication and cancel culture.48:37 - root of ex-communication is that leaders value results over people.49:06 - empathy vs sympathy vs compassion.50:27 - how to regroup after you've been hurt.53:35 - the link between belonging and performance.57:30 - making people feel like they belong in order to use them.58:18 - about the book: To belong or not to belong.01:00:02 - connect with Ricardo.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/ricardo-gonzalez-e2/

3:06 - life is abundant.6:26 - MBA consultant who turned to acting.9:50 - pursuing the path less travelled led to more admiration than judgement.12:07 - acting started from a young age.13:15 - managing your energy when you need to be "on" in front of people.15:40 - my best is different at every moment.17:56 - it's impossible to do it all.19:55 - what is improvisation.22:01 - we've learnt to supress our ability to be spontaneous.24:14 - I can say anything! vs "I can say anything?"25:30 - improv is the art form of putting the focus on the other person.26:16 - what improv can teach us about being better listeners.28:30 - we communicate better when we are in the moment.30:23 - the audience is rooting for you.31:22 - The improv philosophy of "yes, and..."35:35 - you can influence more by listening than by speaking.36:10 - the ability to listen impacts every relationship.40:16 - using "yes, and..." to improve collaboration.44:15 - creating a safe space where people can share ideas.46:39 - how to bring a brick, not a cathedral.48:29 - the best worst idea.50:04 - nothing speaks louder than who you are.51:25 - walking ten thousand steps per day is a lie!52:51 - teaching presence to executives.55:48 - no one cares what your head is doing.57:30 - being intentional about how you come across: put the audience first.1:00:55 - the Dreyfus model of skill acquisition.1:03:52 - getting involved in improv.1:04:39 - the benefits of improv.1:06:10 - connect with Lisa.1:07:18 - live improv exercise!1:09:45 - debrief on the improve exercise. You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/lisa-linke/

2:18 - A sports coach who makes you push further than you thought possible. 4:19 - pushing people to perform better without being a dictator. 8:10 - getting better at leading yourself and others under pressure. 13:38 - managing stress. 15:43 - how to break free from stress. 18:50 - stress reaction is not useful. 20:51 - how can we change our habits and behaviours? 23:31 - change is emotional. 25:19 - how can we get beneath the surface to the values and identity level in a conversation? 29:19 - who am I and what do I want? 30:53 - be specific with your questions. 31:16 - how to let people find their own solutions. 33:24 - getting more clarity about what they want. 35:07 - being honest with ourselves about what we want. 39:16 - it's not about finding the thing we love to do, it's about the meaning we give to the things we do. 40:40 - being honest about yourself. 44:49 - honesty is not always simple. 48:02 - how to deal with our shame better to avoid needing to lie. 53:32 - how painful honesty opened up the relationship. 54:08 - connect with Niki.  You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at https://candourpodcast.com/niki-vinogradoff/

2:39 - first impressions about Danish culture.6:24 - after reading hundreds of parenting books, Jessica still preferred the advice from her Danish family.8:13 - the birth of the book.9:49 - our default setting for parenting.12:7 - authoritarian vs authoritative style of parenting.15:7 - free play is better than structured activities for kids.18:0 - we want our kids to win but happiness is not about winning.20:30 - we are scared that our kids fall behind if they are just left to play.23:37 - how play creates an internal locus of control.26:4 - self-esteem is not built by giving praise.31:25 - cultural difference in values, such as humility.36:49 - the happiest country in the world doesn't like stories with happy endings.40:4 - sad endings normalise all feelings and improve emotional intelligence.41:40 - training empathy as a skill.45:13 - cooperation is more important than competition.46:55 - importance of reframing.48:47 - difference in how Danish people approach divorce.51:53 - Hygge: we-fulness.55:57 - get in touch with Jessica.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/jessica-joelle-alexander/

00:01:35 – welcome Jason Rosoff from Radical Candor.  00:02:19 – the feedback Jason got about his thinking face.  00:05:37 – why is it important to give feedback?  00:07:06 – challenging the importance of feedback: discussion on The Feedback Fallacy published by the Harvard Business Review.  00:13:01 – what is Radical Candor?  00:19:18 – feedback does not have to be calculated and does not need a model.  00:20:55 – do people default to ruinous empathy or obnoxious aggression?  00:23:48 – how to start implementing Radical Candor with your team?  00:28:47 – you can't fake caring personally about people."  00:32:35 – creating a culture where people do care about each other.  00:35:13 – what about advice saying you shouldn't get too close to your employees?  00:41:55 – overcoming the fear of hurting the other person by challenging directly.  00:47:09 – most of a manager's job involves emotion.  00:51:11 – how do deliver feedback in a way that avoids the fight or flight response.  00:55:03 – leaders who are not good at receiving feedback.  01:01:02 – getting indirect feedback about people not in your team.  01:03:52 – giving feedback in an open plan office.  01:05:57 – models to help give feedback instead of a value judgement.  01:07:47 – get in touch with Jason.  You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at https://candourpodcast.com/jason-rosoff/

00:01:35 – endurance sport.  00:05:04 – Running is meditative.  00:06:50 – the life events that motivated David to start endurance sports.  00:08:50 – the importance of caring for yourself first instead of impressing people all the time.  00:11:03 – adversity can make you better or it can make you bitter.  00:13:56 – I have to vs I get to.  00:16:55 – receiving help in difficult times.    00:20:37 – not worrying what others think of you.  00:24:14 – do people know how to deal with grief?  00:26:14 – why David's sister was so important in his life.  00:31:25 – how did the book, Cycle of Lives, come about?  00:35:13 – Just put your feet on the ground and make your bed every day.  00:40:07 – how to have open conversations where people were open to talk about trauma and grief.  00:44:48 – how can we best support people through difficult times?  00:47:15 – what to say when someone is going through a tough time?  00:50:25 – you might be the only person who showed care.  00:52:58 – asking open questions is more important than saying the right thing.  00:55:35 - scared of saying the wrong thing.  00:59:45 – we can choose our response.  01:00:50 – we are all passer-by's in each other's lives.  01:04:55 – get in touch with David.  More detailed show notes with links to references can be found at:  https://candourpodcast.com/david-richman/

2:05 - book recommendations from someone who read over 200 books on business and personal development. 4:47 -want to impact your business, family or community? Be the light. 6:12 - reading addiction. Did reading more books help you to grow?10:33 - why is it so hard to sustain a change in habit? 14:39 – does willpower and discipline work to change a habit? 18:16 – how to get beneath the surface to identify and change thought patterns. 24:40 – we think that stress is normal and a sign of success. 29:34  - isn't stress needed for growth? 35:02 – overcoming fears that seem to trap us. 42:52 – achievement vs fulfilment. 48:27 – we need an appropriate amount of pain before we change. 52:19 – Chris' story of burn out that caused him to change. 59:31 – how do we have a fulfilled life? 1:02:41 – the perfect day? 1:06:03 – relationships can be greatest source of pain or fulfilment. 1:10:23 – we treat other people through the lens of our own experience, often without realising. 1:15:37 – avoiding unnecessary conflicts in relationships. 1:19:22 – navigating conversations when emotions are high. The importance of trust and vulnerability. 1:23:21 – when I do nothing, that's when I find my best something. 1:25:00 – you get to choose. 1:28:08 – get in touch with Chris.  You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/chris-marhefka/

2:19 - what drew Dr Healy to study bullying?  4:18 - the difference between bullying and teasing.  6:30 - hurtful comments can be innocent or intentional.  8:40 - teasing can actually be relationship building.  10:32 - is bullying more prevalent now?  11:23 - is bullying getting worse or are we more sensitive now?  12:41 - effects of bullying.  15:46 - the risk factors that perpetuates bullying.  17:56 - how should we respond to bullying?  21:47 - standing up to the bully.  27:59 - effective strategies for responding to bullies.  31:44 - how can parents help when their child is bullied?  34:22 - empathy for the bully.  42:01 - what causes people to bully?  45:48 - what if my child is the bully?  46:54 - saying "no" to your child.  48:16 - how home life impacts bullying.  49:38 - does teaching empathy improve bullying?  54:41 - do buddy benches work?  56:04 - how to make friends?  58:50 - choosing the right school.  59:57 - importance of teaching kids to be independent.  1:01:51 - programs that address bullying.  1:05:38 - how to intervene when you notice bullying.  1:09:05 - connect with Dr Karyn Healy. You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-karyn-healy/

3:20 - are you allowed to talk about stories at home?5:50 - why is story so important to Francisco.  8:55 - can you remember the story you told?  10:57 - does the audience remember the story?  12:25 - homework for life.  13:41 - path to making storytelling a profession.  18:35 - impact kids had on Francisco's speaking career.  22:32 - Is content or delivery more important in a speech?  26:48 - how did Francisco learn about storytelling?  29:39 - the old science of storytelling: ethos, pathos and logos.  31:24 - you cannot make decisions without emotion.  36:08 - the new science of storytelling.  39:40 - why can stories make us cry?  43:46 - what is a story?  49:43 - how to make stories easy.  53:12 - sharing with vulnerability.  59:41 - Get in touch with Francisco. You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/francisco-mahfuz/

You can learn more about your hosts, Mark and Divan, at: https://candourpodcast.com/about/your-hosts.  0:00:28 - influencing people who don't report to me: from Bonus Episode "Mark and Divan on why interpersonal communication matters" .  0:00:35 – I thought that was it: from Bonus Episode "Mark and Divan on why interpersonal communication matters".  0:00:50 – rather be authentic and vulnerable: from Bonus Episode "Mark and Divan on why interpersonal communication matters".  0:01:06 – speaking a different language: from Bonus Episode "Mark and Divan on why interpersonal communication matters".  0:01:15 - "Communication is the most important skill for life", Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  0:01:39 – why communication is important: from Episode 14,  Dr Timothy Levine on deception: Truth-Default Theory, spotting liars and how not to be wrongfully convicted .  0:02:37 – I forgave the man who murdered my mother: from Episode 10, Dr Everett Worthington on promoting forgiveness in every willing heart, home and homeland.  0:02:45 – your weakness if your greatest strength in waiting: from Episode 11, Greg Van Borssum on Happy Feet, Mad Max and the road to fulfilment.  0:03:13 – email is banned:  from Episode 11, Greg Van Borssum on Happy Feet, Mad Max and the road to fulfilment.  0:03:16 – focus on your big toes: from Episode 24, Daisy Simonis on introversion and people skills (and how these relate to your big toes).  0:03:38 – left on a doorstep: from Episode 1, Grant Herbert on the foundation of emotional intelligence, being yourself and training mini-me's.  0:04:45 – empathy is understanding other people's mental models: from Episode 28, Daniel Murray on the business case for empathy.  0:05:57 – touch the soul of a person by asking about something as simple as food: from Episode 8, Ricardo Gonzalez on cultural mastery, a conversation that will touch your soul. 

2:52 - is it normal to smile when you see a video of someone smiling?4:14 - mirror neurons (see video clip).7:57 - how to be the baby whisperer.9:03 - the hardware and software of empathy.12:51 - empathy is not standing in someone else's shoes.17:45 - empathy is a capacity.20:17 - empathy is a tool. It's not good or bad.23:08 - empathy is not getting in the hole with the person.26:56 - how empathy impacts relationships.31:47 - what if we're not in an empathetic state of mind?33:13 - the hardest thing to do is to listen (see video clip).36:31 - helping people solve their own problems.38:25 - listening requires patience.38:55 - helping someone learn a lesson for themselves is much more powerful than simply teaching.42:29 - human beings are designed to be insecure.45:55 - confidence and self-esteem.47:06 - narcissism.49:41 - can a narcissist be helped?52:18 - being in a relationship with a narcissist (see video clip).58:25 - directional empathy.01:02:49 - how can couples navigate life changes together.01:06:18 - Trusting your partner to have your back.01:10:3 - how to find the right partner.01:11:18 - the Van Gogh problem.01:12:37 - confidence and self-esteem.01:16:38 - how to build confidence when you are failing.01:19:34 - connect with Ashok. You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-ashok-bhattacharya/

1:34 - what drew Belinda to HR.3:17 - what people skills did the mentor notice?4:58 - where did love for people come from?6:37 - connecting with people who are not like you.10:12 - HR doesn't manage people but they have to influence.12:41 - hiring the right people.16:32 - getting to know your people.21:25 - what makes good leadership.26:51 - bringing your full self to work.33:26 - what is culture.34:23 - our actions can impact culture - even unintentionally.41:07 - people don't come to work to do a bad job.46:57 - self-care for leaders.50:04 - communicating expectations can reduce the team's stress.51:16 - change management and communicating restructures.57:54 - performance management.1:01:24 - caring about people vs the business.1:06:21 - Get in touch with Belinda.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/belinda-winter/

1:57 - background in mathematics, banking and insurance.  5:35 - some factors were missing.    9:27 - what factors made the difference?  11:30 - how to convince sceptics of value of people skills.  17:58 - what non-profits teaches about motivation and leadership.  23:27 - why did empathy stand out as a skill?  26:34 - judgement and assumptions.  28:46 - how to practice empathy.  32:30 - empathy doesn't mean you don't make tough decisions.  33:48 - empathy does not require you to feel the emotions.  36:10 - a tool to help be more empathetic.  37:00 - an example of empathy in action.  43:55 - how empathy helps product design.  44:45 - how does empathy help individual contributor at work?  46:05 - shaping workplace culture.  48:30 - accused of not empathising?  50:00 - taking empathy too far.  52:50 - a story about resilience.  57:00 - empathy enables diversity.  58:19 - one act of kindness can impact a life.  1:01:27 - get in touch with Daniel. You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/daniel-murray/

1:50 - drawn to interpersonal communication because it was so broad.3:01 - communication applied to organ donation conversations.4:55 - communication needs to be audience-centred.6:22 - your audience can have very diverse beliefs and opinions.7:47 - you are not your audience.11:24 - how shows like Greys Anatomy shapes perception about organ donation.15:27 - reading your audience without making assumptions.20:39 - best way to approach sensitive conversation.22:03 - perception checking. Did they understand what you said?23:50 - sharing embarrassing stories to make you more approachable.26:08 - more ways to do perception checking.28:26 - different ways to get our point across.30:28 - value judgements vs observation.32:52 - importance of emotional intelligence in these conversations.34:49 - how stories impact organ donations.37:54 - health communication during COVID.40:05 - humility vs confidence in communication.42:48 - What is InnoQuest?43:50 - Sunday Funday experiences.49:33 - InnoQuest's impact on how cities are perceived.51:32 - getting below the surface of the place you are visiting.53:02 - importance of trying new things.56:04 - getting in touch with Ashley.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-ashley-fico/

00:01:58 – wanted to be an actor from a young age.  00:04:04 – the art of acting vs the appeal of being famous.  00:06:58 – acting develops empathy and other soft skills.  00:10:58 – dealing with big personalities.  00:13:50 – most actors are introverts.  00:17:08 – most important skills for good acting.  00:23:44 – how to use the actor's toolkit at networking events.  00:27:46 – mission behind teaching acting to children.  00:34:05 – Cathlyn gave up her apartment to keep serving students.  00:39:41 – called greedy despite being homeless to keep pricing affordable.  00:50:43 – copywriting advice for written communication.  00:56:21 – writing good hooks while avoiding click-bait.  00:58:50 – swipe file to save good copy.  01:00:21 – learning how to become a better writer.  01:04:45 – connect with Cathlyn. More detailed show notes with  links to references can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/cathlyn-melvin/

2:27 - Using "busy" to describe how you are doing.4:28 - are we really more busy now?7:18 - is obsession with busy cross-cultural?8:27 - impact of COVID on being busy.11:40 - addicted to busy.14:01 - sleep is usually sacrificed when we feel busy.15:58 - what are we busy doing?17:48 - shifting our mindset from efficient to effective.22:06 - I don't have time for this!24:49 - being on the other end of busy.30:06 - saying "no" to focus on your priorities.33:19 - improving communication about urgency of tasks.36:37 - people pleasing is one of 8 types of busy.39:45 - how to get better at saying "no".43:29 - your loved ones pay the price of your people pleasing.46:16 - how to avoid micro managing people.49:26 - delegating vs protecting team from overload.55:09 - transition from technical expert to managing people.59:01 - focus on strengths or weaknesses?1:01:10 - story of "busy Gary".1:04:35 - fear of judgement is what keeps us busy.1:06:59 - connect with Julie.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/julie-hyde/

2:32 - Daisy grew up introverted and socially awkward.  4:31 - how Daisy came out of her shell.  6:22 - how Daisy coped with initial.  7:35 - learning about yourself vs putting yourself out there.  8:10 - people skills crash course/overcoming fear of phone calls.  10:05 - how to define introversion.  12:07 - personality tests.  13:48 - labels of introvert/extrovert.  18:03 - level of extroversion can vary with context and stage of life.  20:05 - pressure to be more extroverted.  22:15 - being more inclusive of introverts in the workplace.  27:20 - overcompensating for your introversion.  30:15 - how to get out of your head in a group setting.  34:00 - not saying hello out of fear of follow up conversation.  38:20 - posting on social media to overcome fear of what people think of us.  42:33 - strengths unique to introverts.  45:44 - how to develop people skills.  50:09 - the story toolbox for sharing in conversations.  52:58 - how to recharge.  56:55 - what advice would you give to your younger self?  58:25 - speaking up and being heard,  63:48 - connect with Daisy. You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at:  https://candourpodcast.com/daisy-simonis/

2:16 - NATO.6:54 - what NATO looks for in candidates.10:01 - what is social engineering.10:30 - how to get a free business class upgrade.13:28 - can you learn social engineering?15:53 - separate the behaviour from the person.17:54 - observations instead of value judgements.22:15 - how emotional intelligence relates to cybersecurity30:03 - what is emotional intelligence.33:07 - we construct emotions with the stories we tell ourselves.37:57 - many variables impacting emotional intelligence.44:59 - the benefits of role play for training.51:11 - protecting yourself and your family from cyber criminals.57:07 - How to practice empathy.1:00:54 - type of training Nadja does.1:04:22 - some marriage advice.1:05:15 - don't blame others for how you feel.1:06:42 - hold space so other people can talk.1:07:19 - connect with Nadja.You find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/nadja-el-fertasi/

02:04 - role of sport in Christian's life.  07:21 - rejected for sports journalism.  09:13 - pursued career at Nike.  13:48 - was is a dream come true in reality?  18:34 - Am I giving up or is this the right time for me?  22:39 - impact of a good manager.  24:54 - being authentic.  26:48 - fear of failure (and startups).  36:38 - feeling light to guide your decisions.  40:57 - how to feel more light?  48:30 - people who annoy us say more about us than about them.  52:58 - being a mirror and giving feedback.  56:40 - entrepreneurs of life.  58:20 - feedback vs advice.  01:01:16 - why do we feel the need to give advice?  01:04:00 - creating safe space for giving feedback.  01:06:24 - receiving feedback.  01:09:24 - feedback without hurting people's feelings.  01:10:51 - live feedback example.  01:14:44 - getting to the heart of the matter.  01:19:30 - people find the answers within themselves.  01:28:36 - connect with Christian. More detailed show notes with links to references can be found here: https://candourpodcast.com/christian-fleck/

2:20 - be aware of how your actions impact your brand.4:02 - what is brand storytelling?5:21 - do people perceive us in the way we want to come across?10:46 - stories give depth and meaning to what you stand for.13:04 - we remember stories better than facts.17:22 - why emotion is important in business.20:52 - stories motivate people more than KPI's.23:28 - it's easier to change someone's mind through stories than facts.29:25 - why are we reluctant to share stories when they are so powerful?31:43 - telling stories require courage.33:40 - being too vulnerable with the stories you tell.36:55 - Gabrielle's story of starting a business to teach companies how to communicate through stories.45:44 - how to tell stories in business to make a point.50:03 - but I don't have any stories to tell.57:25 - jargon free Fridays.01:00:40 - why do we use jargon?01:04:04 - how to get in touch with Gabrielle.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/gabrielle-dolan/

2:06 - what is mediation?5:00 - misaligned interests aren't always the problem.7:30 - what drives Catherine to do mediation.9:50 - examples of mediation.14:11 - getting sceptics to buy in.17:28 - building rapport and trust.18:30 - managing your own emotions.21:44 - empathy vs ruinous empathy.30:07 - negotiation and tactical empathy.33:35 - what outcome do we want from conflict?36:45 - conflict avoidance.41:05 - proactive conflict management.44:13 - how can we get beneath the surface to to real issues?46:11 - Why? is a dangerous question to ask.47:30 - importance of silence in communication.51:34 - get in touch Catherine.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/catherine-davidson

In this episode we discuss topics like depression, alcoholism, eating disorders and suicide. This conversation is not for little ears and if these topics may be triggers for you, please use your discretion. 1:42 - normal childhood until mental health issues started.6:48 - coping with depression and bulimia7:47 - responding as a parent.11:48 - alcohol seemed to fix all the problems.13:08 - we don't see people's internal battles.15:11 - alcohol became a problem.17:59 - empathising with your kids.24:21 - fixing people.28:12 - emotions are data points not directives.30:28 - what caused Ashley to turn her life around.34:48 - how relationships changed after opening up.41:40 - change starts with figuring out intentions.44:43 - helping someone caught in addiction and mental health problems.48:02 - how to support someone without enabling them.57:50 - when someone feels like the world would be better off without them.1:06:15 - role of humour in mental health.1:10:32 - get in touch with Ashley. More detailed show notes with links to references can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/ashley-kesner/

2:54 - why should everyone care about sales?4:06 - Too honest to be in sales?6:16 - difference between manipulation and influence.8:05 - who you are is more important than what you do.9:55 - success at home and at work requires making the right choices.15:50 - money did not make Steve happy.18:05 - approach to parenting that led to close relationship with grown up kids.22:27 - tough love vs nurturing.25:52 - systemising relationship building.28:29 - your network is your net worth.30:31 - words matter: "visit, fit, value".34:18 - the perfect visit of a prospect: be more interested than interesting.39:14 - Too busy to build relationships?41:04 - dealing with rejection and disappointment.43:08 - sustaining your energy.47:00 - positivity vs being open about challenges.51:02 - board of advisors for your life.52:47 - finding mentors.56:40 - connect with Steve.More detailed show notes with links to references can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/steve-nudelberg/

1:59 - transition into first leadership role.4:19 - collaborative vs dictatorial leadership style.5:45 - being promoted above peers.7:9 - impact of retreat on strained relationship.13:19 - importance of being aligned with goals22:45 - giving feedback.27:50 - gaslighting. dealing with people who deny making mistakes.31:10 - encouraging open conversations and feedback from subordinates.34:51 - balancing vulnerability and over-sharing.38:5 - wearing your weakness as armour.40:10 - importance of transparent communication.41:3 - transparent financials: making salaries public to everyone.46:51 - impact of transparency in personal life.52:28 - introverted attention seeker: adapting natural style.56:23 - get in touch with Stanley. More detailed show notes with links to references can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/stanley-henry/

2:03 - Being a HOT human.2:57 - being honest and avoiding sugar coating.5:18 - actions speak louder than words.6:48 - perfectionism gets in the way of being a HOT human.10:02 - being real.15:00 - navigating shame and disappointed expectations.17:31 - build character not perfection.19:53 - improving communication is essential for marriage.23:43 - family CEO meeting.28:48 - creating work cultures where people feel safe to be open.31:38 - impact of stress on performance.36:21 - how to have better conversations when our ego feels threatened.40:38 - unsaid expectations causes conflict.44:04 - mental fitness.50:05 - identifying our emotions.54:34 - creating culture of emotional intelligence.57:05 - get in touch with Emily. More detailed show notes with links to references can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/emily-elrod/

2:00 - stood out as a cricketer because of hard work.3:15 - pushing through the pain to succeed.5:01 - the answer is not working harder and longer.8:39 - how rhythm effect impacts relationships.12:05 - energy and time wasted through in-fighting.12:41 - unexpected effect of resentment.16:06 - leadership as a technical skill.19:37 - process for better meetings.20:17 - return on effort.24:46 - why is it difficult to stop working harder.26:39 - how do we get out of the busy trap?29:42 - giving better feedback.32:20 - examples of investing time instead of spending time.36:43 - feedback vs hurting someone's feelings.41:25 - example of giving feedback.44:38 - the courage to speak up.49:32 - practice is key.52:30 - busy lazy.54:52 - picture for what rhythm looks like.  57:36 - busy as a badge of honour.01:00:06 - connecting meaning to our work.01:02:20 - getting in touch with Paul.More detailed show notes with links to references can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/paul-farina/

3:15 - the importance  of interpersonal communication.6:38 - causes of breakdowns in communication.8:58 - how a student challenged Dr Levine's thinking on deception.14:34 - the value of being open-minded and humble.16:36 - how good are we at telling lies?18:37 - why are we not better at spotting lies?20:07 - being truth biased is helpful.21:05 - how prevalent is lying?23:26 - why do people lie?25:46 - lying to protect other people's feelings.28:35 - most common lies.31:04 - is evasion deception?34:09 - the role of motive in detecting lies.35:27 - what is truth default theory and how did it help deception detection?37:34 - non verbal cues cannot help us detect lies.38:09 - how we can actually detect lies.42:15 - cheating experiments.46:34 - are federal agents better at detecting lies?48:14 - what questions can we ask to tell if someone is lying?49:57 - how even professionals can get it wrong. The Amanda Knox case.52:11 - how to be more believable.56:43 - your reaction to being accused can make you look guilty.58:39 - finding the balance between scepticism and truth default.01:00:48 - What got Tim into deception.01:02:05 - is love really blind?01:03:37 - Is Santa is real?01:06:30 - importance of character in deciding whether to believe someone.01:08:16 - two big take-aways.01:08:58 - how to connect with Dr Timothy Levine.You find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-timothy-levine/

2:02 - my mum will be glad that we're having this conversation!3:00 - why is speech pathology exciting?4:14 - who can benefit from speech pathology?5:51 - what a speech pathologist does.9:13 - using your voice safely.14:54 - how speech pathology helps with listening and understanding.15:57 - people are struggling more and more with auditory processing.17:37 - how to get better at understanding and retaining auditory input.22:31 - enriching your vocabulary enriches what you can communicate.24:09 - are emoji's killing vocabulary?25:40 - why are you passionate about these topics?27:50 - examples of the difference service has made.32:13 - communication starts with self-talk.33:41 - listening is a big part of communication.34:52 - believing in others.39:25 - "yes, you can".  42:12 - building confidence in the face of failure.46:49 - what inspired Kisses in Your Heart.50:03 - love and belief helps people overcome challenges.51:29 - creating space to share emotions and be understood.53:28 - flourish for mums.56:06 - honour your human-nes.57:36 - dance more often.58:35 - celebrate instead of judging and comparison.01:00:56 - use your communication to build others up.01:01:16 - get in touch with Sonia. More detailed show notes with links can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/sonia-bestulic/

3:23 - why teach companies about trust?8:19 - distrust in management seems common.9:19 - organisations who resist learning about trust usually have trust issues.10:23 - weird trust lady.12:41 - winning over the sceptics.14:32 - weird trust lady vs trust expert.15:50 - effect of vulnerability on trust.18:50 - you cannot be vulnerable in front of everyone.19:18 - vulnerability is less about the sender than the receiver.19:57 - team building exercises create fake vulnerability.21:13 - how can we build trust with people?21:31 - we trust people when we know their emotional triggers.22:18 - how NASA builds trust within astronaut teams.23:20 - asking questions to get below the surface.24:08 - find common ground.24:32 - where there's no risk there's no reward.25:08 - COVID has given us common ground to built upon.26:56 - we're more open because we realise we're not the only one struggling.28:59 - I don't care what you know until I know that you care.29:40 - self-interest gets in the way of trust at work.30:29 - the business case for trust.32:55 - how can leaders without trusting cultures improve?34:20 - lack of self-awareness can inhibit trust.35:29 - leadership behaviours that cause trust issues.40:50 - is trust earned or given?43:33 - the roles of leaders and team members in building trust.44:20 - the trust battery.48:52 - corporate communication: protect or transparent?52:00 - belief is key part of trust.55:35 - delegation and accountability impacts trust.57:09 - being a good leader is helping people unlock their potential.58:24 - team trust cheat sheet.You can find more detailed show notes at: https://candourpodcast.com/marie-claire-ross/

2:30 - how Greg got into martial arts.3:30 - how Bob Paris inspired Greg to become the National Body Building champion.5:04 - we don't have to be limited by what people say about us.6:14 - the example we set can change lives.6:30 - Greg's grandfather won the Military Medal in WWI.7:08 - the remarkable example Greg's grandmother set.8:48 - the importance of believing in someone's potential.9:08 - we need to start going towards what we're scared of.9:57 - your fear is your greatest strength in waiting.11:16 - kids need to be taught their family history.12:32 - reaching your goals.13:28 - two greatest assets: naivity and stupidity.14:07 - said yes to Happy Feet with zero prior experience.14:55 - Leadership is easy: leadership is care.16:20 - turning around a toxic culture.16:44 - there is an "I" in "TEAM".17:55 - lack of communication kills a team.18:20 - Greg banned emails!19:24 - if I find you blaming someone you're off the film19:35 - literally breaking down the barriers to communication.20:10 - team bonded by playing together.21:52 - ego makes you an ineffective leader.23:46 - focus is the key to achieving goals.26:18 - be a spiky person.26:52 - the employment world needs to be turned on its head.28:00 - you need to take time to understand people to get the best out of them.29:23 - training people and building confidence.31:22 - the cost of success.32:03 - how a near death experience changed Greg's life mission.34:18 - Greg became an accredited speaker to help others.37:07 - how Greg became an advocate for mental health.40:39 - protecting his family from his struggles was Greg's stupid moment.41:42 - you feel like you're not a man if you talk about this stuff.42:12 - I did not know if I was coming home.43:35 - Greg started learning public speaking after he started giving keynotes.44:15 - Greg's aim is now to go global to change lives.44:33 - how do we help people when they are struggling?45:10 - do something!46:05 - clinically proven: a hug can change someone's entire day.46:10 - 30 minutes of excercise gives 12 hours of better brain health.46:19 - don't put off seeing someone who is struggling.46:26 - us, we, together.46:55 - don't just give them a number and move on.47:21 - everyone's been through stuff.47:51 - life doesn't always fire a warning shot.48:56 - the signs that someone is struggling.49:32 - suicide survivors want to live.50:12 - help yourself before trying to help others.51:12 - what is strength really?52:12 - chase fulfillment, not success.52:35 - strength doesn't focus on what you can't do. Focus on what you can do.53:01 - everyone has the internal battle, but we've got to get up and move on anyway.53:28 - keep a journal.54:24 - training to overcome the fear of public speaking.55:13 - use your time to invest in people.55:40 - redirecting bad forces for good.56:30 - importance of being able to detach.58:18 - it's our responsibility to reach in to help them out.59:18 - don't worry about saying the right things. Have the right heart.01:00:34 - the signs are in the body language.01:01:58 - R U OK is not good enough.01:02:34 - being a good person.01:02:55 - we need to unify to fight against mental health.01:03:36 - the human factor is always needed.01:04:34 - chasing success leaves no space to help others.01:05:42 - the small things are the big things.01:06:34 - going back to old high school.01:07:58 - people in our life shape us.01:08:44 - get in touch with Greg.01:09:33 - final thanks.You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at https://candourpodcast.com/greg-van-borssum/

2:12 - started as a nuclear engineer.3:14 - Ev's mission is to do all I can to promote forgiveness in every willing heart, home and homeland.4:16 - why is forgiveness so important to you?6:01 - why is forgiveness so hard?8:05 - what causes hurt.9:28 - what is justice.10:07 - both revenge and reconciliation is required for survival.11:00 - the consequences of holding onto a grudge.12:04 - spiritual consequences of holding onto grudges.12:18 - mental health consequences of grudges.13:33 - impact on physical health.15:54 - does forgiveness let the other person off the hook?16:30 - two types of forgiveness.17:38 - you can forgive too early.17:56 - you can both forgive and hold them accountable.18:17 - the hardest thing Ev has forgiven.18:43 - there are some things that I just don't think I can forgive.19:10 - all events are forgivable.19:18 - injustice gaps.20:23 - forgiveness is not the only way to deal with injustice.21:23 - REACH forgiveness model.22:03 - R: Recall the hurt.22:32 - E: Empathise.23:32 - A: Altruistic gift. Forgiveness is not something anyone deserves.24:11 - C: Commit24:21 - H: Hold onto the commitment to forgive when I doubt.24:51 - feeling angry doesn't mean you haven't forgiven.25:46 - repeat offenders.27:35 - Christian view on forgiveness.28:16 - applying the empathy step of REACH.29:46 - what to do when we're the offender.30:31 - make it right with what you hold sacred.30:51 - make it right with the person.31:12 - CONFESS model for the offender.31:26 - C: Confess without excuse.31:47 - O: Offer an apology.31:59 - N: Note the other person's pain.32:09 - F: Forever value the person.32:35 - E: Equalize.32:46 - S: Say 'never again'.32:58 - S: Seek forgiveness.33:19 - make it right psychologically with yourself.33:46 - use REACH to forgive yourself.34:29 - hardest step: accept myself.34:56 - struggle with self acceptance is what keeps psychotherapists in business.35:12 - last step: live virtuously.35:22 - Ev's personal experience with self forgiveness.40:59 - it's hardest to help the people closest to us.43:13 - helping a country to forgive: contribution in South Africa after Apartheid.45:39 - difference between personal and group forgiveness.48:00 - the difference one person can make through forgiveness.48:20 - forgiveness research has taken off in recent years due to international need for reconciliation.49:54 - the role humility plays in forgiveness.50:19 - what humility actually is.53:35 - free resources for forgiveness and humility.53:44 - how to get in touch with Ev.54:25 - final thank you.More detailed show notes with links and references can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-everett-worthington/ 

2:33 - why transition from Fortune 500 executive to research?3:17 - relationships were the secret sauce in success.4:22 - initial interest was in anxiety in the workplace.4:54 - came across curiosity while studying mindfulness.5:51 - what is curiosity?6:56 - curiosity gives psychological, emotional and social flexibility.7:53 - not "if" but "how" you are curious.9:28 - curiosity can show up in different ways.10:08 - we pre-asses before exploring the unknown.11:11 - curiosity is active exploration.11:32 - curiosity requires openness.12:11 - the different facets of curiosity.12:37 - it's ok to not know something.13:04 - active exploration and immersion.13:20 - openness means letting go of the familiar.13:42 - it's not always joyful exploration.13:57 - curiosity requires stress tolerance.14:22 - the facets of openness and stress tolerance are most beneficial to workplace.14:47 - relationship between curiosity and humility.14:59 - curiosity requires vulnerability.15:53 - to feel more free we have to feel more exposed.16:02 - curiosity and anxiety.17:50 - how not knowing creates psychological safety.19:56 - using curiosity to become an approachable boss.20:29 - you cannot get to empathy without curiosity.21:57 - curiosity is what allows us to make people feel understood.22:31 - use curiosity to question the stories we tell ourselves about others.24:11 - how can we become more curious?25:43 - curiosity starts within.26:17 - how curiosity can make us more authentic.28:15 - counting the cost of curiosity.29:41 - what is psychological safety.29:52 - obstacles to curiosity.31:26 - how curiosity research has changed Alison.33:27 - creating a culture of curiosity.34:23 - conformity is bad for curiosity and wellbeing.34:53 - creating environments of psychological safety.35:56 - celebrating failures and budgeting learning time.36:34 - budgeting time for people to learn whatever they want.37:05 - making it OK for people to say "I don't know".37:49 - should we stop rewarding success?40:30 - how are you curious?44:15 - overcoming low stress tolerance.46:26 - fear of failure.47:48 - fear setting.48:29 - scenario crafting™ (Trademark of Intrinsic Curiosity, LLC). 49:05 - final thoughts on curiosity.You can find more detailed show notes with references at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-alison-horstmeyer

1:54 - Ola.2:14 - growing up in a bicultural home.3:48 - 26 siblings!4:13 - identity and identification.5:28 - finding purpose in the pain.9:35 - cultural identity crisis.10:58 - what culture is and how it forms us.11:42 - culture is.13:06 - 5 components of culture.13:20 - everyone got to where they are at honestly.14:03 - where food fits into culture.16:17 - iceberg model of culture.17:14 - how can we become more aware of how our culture shapes us?18:44 - cultural mindset and skillset.19:47 - culural competency level.22:36 - the six stages of cultural mastery.25:42 - the six stages of cultural mastery really works.27:19 - balance between hand and heart.29:23 - diversity and inclusion departments are a symptom of a bigger problem.30:14 - everyone has a micro-culture.30:41 - the elements of cultural education.31:06 - education starts with curiosity and humility.33:03 - I can touch your soul by talking about food.35:35 - overcoming the fear of engaging with people.37:00 - mexican pool hall PhD.39:47 - relationships are critical for business.41:18 - is it helpful to call out cultural offensiveness?43:44 - healthy leadership.44:43 - cuddling people in rather than calling out.46:48 - how Ricardo become more open and accepting.47:55 - everyone is on a journey in this process of transformation.48:45 - pride and fear can be what holds us back.49:45 - closing remarks.More  detailed show notes can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/ricardo-gonzalez/

2:18 - fear of public speaking to TEDx coach.6:14 - public speaking anxiety.7:37 - becoming a keen observer.8:22 - impact of art on observation.10:31 - nuances of facial expressions.11:46 - hardest part of non-verbal communication is observation.12:04 - the face gives so much information.13:56 - being on to observe takes a lot of energy.15:06 - micro-expressions and subtle cues.16:37 - reading the hidden emotions.17:34 - common misconceptions about reading body language.19:32 - normal to lie.21:00 - can you spot a liar?21:49 - reading other parts of the body.22:58 - using body language to identify when you're lying to yourself.25:06 - analysing celebrities and politicians.26:45 - should I fold my arms?29:47 - power poses.32:57 - common tells.36:31 - the feet are the most honest part of your body.40:15 - non verbal communication is also voice tone.44:45 - anxiety impacting your voice.45:44 - using your voice more deliberately.49:12 - virtual vs in person.51:38 - don't get Botox!54:16 - thanks. Find more detailed show notes at: https://candourpodcast.com/sophie-halliday-zadeh

2:14 - why ideas are important.3:19 - ideas can die when not communicated well.4:32 - impact of cognitive load on communication.5:46 - less is often better.7:05 - know your audience's world.7:55 - using inclusive language.9:36 - meeting the audience where they are at.9:57 - Port method pitch formula.12:32 - death by detail.13:06 - Matt Church pitch technique.15:02 - importance of emotion to communication.17:24 - humour for communication and creativity.20:47 - treading softly on someone's ideas.22:38 - open mouth theory.27:06 - the environment matters.29:17 - is it ever too early to share an idea?35:10 - telling someone their idea won't work without breaking their spirit.41:11 - creating a safe space to generate ideas.47:42 - this facilitation technique works cross-culturally.49:58 - generating ideas with a jaded audience.52:53 - coming down to their level.53:46 - sell to the kids not the parents.55:23 - dealing with mico-managers01:00:39 - acceptance commitment therapy.01:04:29 - thanks.You can find more detailed show notes at: https://candourpodcast.com/nils-vesk

Tina has two decades of experience working with children including children with disabilities and trauma. She is passionate about developing the social and emotional skill of children that will prepare them for school and for life. She believes that play forms a vital part of this development and that play is an undervalued skill not just in children but in adults too. She has spent most of her career leading teams that support children and their families. She has a refreshing approach to leadership that has helped her to turn around the culture and performance of toxic teams. The last twenty minutes are jammed packed with insights on leadership and culture. 1:58 - bucket filling.5:03 - why working with children is important.7:14 - educating parents are important.9:02 - the critical soft skills.13:32 - education system becoming more aware of soft skills.18:58 - emotional regulation21:14 - being curious instead of judgemental.22:54 - navigating difficult conversations.25:37 - quote: all behaviour is communication27:14 - power of empathy.28:44 - emotional regulation and empathy.29:60 - how play teaches social and emotional skills.32:28 - importance of labelling emotions.33:18 - acknowledging emotions in others.36:01 - easier to get through to someone in a state of play.37:49 - play is not just for kids.39:37 - How to use play when leading people.42:37 - you perform better when you're having fun.43:25 - stress can be good. Constant stress is not.44:19 - being playful builds rapport because it requires vulnerability.45:27 - example of how play turned around toxic work culture.51:25 - setting the example as the leader.56:54 - trust is respected more than its taken advantage of.58:44 - self care and self talk.01:02:35 - healthy boundaries.01:03:34 - self awareness.Find more detailed show notes at: https://candourpodcast.com/tina-robinson

1:27 - surfing.2:46 - mental rehearsal.4:59 - study on impact of visualisation on strength.6:18 - What is mindfulness?7:47 - the benefits of mindfulness.8:14 - mindfulness = managing the mind.9:36 - being present is becoming increasingly harder.10:58 - active and mindful listening.12:04 - difference between mindful and active listening.15:35 - how we can train our minds.20:01 - types of meditation.21:55 - most important thing about meditation.24:16 - why do we get angry?27:08 - when anger is useful.28:36 - anger can destroy relationships.30:13 - underlying frustration and displacing anger.31:17 - anger coping mechanisms.32:19 - focus on what you can control.32:55 - not taking offense.34:13 - feedback vs taking offense.34:46 - Adrian's journey with managing anger.38:39 - aggression to be the best vs relationships.39:57 - how Adrian started controlling his anger.44:42 - how to get into meditation.47:48 - is meditation for everybody?48:58 - it's important to switch off to recover.52:31 - impact of stress on relationships.56:21 - three gates before you open your mouth to speak.57:57 - relaxation technique to reduce stress.01:01:48 - meaning is more important than striving to acquire more.01:03:53 - thank you. You can see more detailed show notes with links to references and key quotes at: https://candourpodcast.com/adrian-spear/

1:24 - where the platypus was discovered.  4:22 - if you want to connect you have to think of the other person.  5:56 - being present to connect with people.  9:08 - being vulnerable is about being real without the facade.  11:18 - it takes courage to go first.  12:28 - why we're scared to show our true selves.  14:33 - why take the risk to be vulnerable?  15:51 - performing for approval makes you less likeable.  17:01 - finding the balance between technique and authenticity.  18:44 - why people are important.  19:15 - silo mentality.  19:49 - the right people in the right role.  21:01 - What is DiSC?  25:15 - building rapport.  27:24 - using DiSC and technology to understand people and build relationship.  29:26 - it's important to be aware of each other's style, especially under stress.  29:59 - under stress people resort to comfortable behaviours because of fear.  31:09 - rapport building techniques can be manipulative.  32:51 - it's not about technique, it's about trust.  33:02 - humour is a good technique to build rapport.  34:04 - how to build trust. Is trust given or earned?  36:33 - don't fight resistance, adapt to it.  37:14 - meeting people where they are at.  38:58 - intellectual vs emotional empathy.  40:28 - how stress changes behaviour and impacts empathy.  42:24 - making decisions based on what we want, not what they need.  43:19 - tension between our desires and others' needs.  45:15 - incredibly proud of achievements, but it nearly cost the relationship.  46:00 - re-investing in strained relationships.  48:20 - what we're praised for is often not what's important.  51:21 - selfishness does not make you happy.  52:01 - productive conflict.  52:42 - separating ego from conflicts.  55:02 - what makes us happy.  55:55 - be aware of your own triggers.  56:57 - emotional intelligence is counter-intuitive.  57:58 - excuses for bad behaviour.  59:54 - personal responsibility.  62:58 - expecting people to do things they are not capable of.  64:18 - being a good performer does not make them a good leader - but we promote them anyway.  65:25 - rewarding people for being the best at what they do.  67:37 - you need to understand your people and what drives them.  68:11 - understanding people helps you to better utilise their strengths.  71:46 - last words.More detailed show notes can be found at https://candourpodcast.com/craig-bulmer

1:14 - welcome.1:21 - first impressions.8:18 - what Marco loves about recruitment.9:15 - weak handshakes.10:03 - handshakes.10:22 - non verbals.10:54 - when does the interview start?13:49 - how to see someone's true character.14:16 - dress code.15:27 - how do I know what the dress code should be?17:18 - is there a way back from a bad first impression?18:36 - authentic non-verbals.21:43 - virtual interviews.25:04 - 6 seconds per resume.28:36 - tenure and generational differences.30:23 - CRM.31:52 - key words and resume score.35:06 - unconscious bias.37:10 - recruitment bible - everyone lies.38:22 - blind audition.42:12 - diversity vs culture fit.44:49 - what can candidates do to avoid biased responses.52:13 - line between intentional and lying.55:15 - how to avoid lying.55:44 - biggest weakness.58:33 - sharing weakness=self awareness.59:43 - through weakness I find a lot of strength.59:59 - we identify more with weakness than strength.60:32 - getting a second opinion.61:58 - left field questions.63:11 - spooking candidates.64:05 - breaking through the facade.64:45 - can the recruiter see their true colours?67:19 - interviews are a two way street.68:35 - confidence.69:03 - Marco's last interview.71:13 - confidence bias.71:47 - desperation smells.72:26 - intrinsic confidence.73:10 - know your lane.75:47 - have good questions to ask in the interview.77:40 - you're not exclusive.77:54 - summary of top 3 points.78:05 - final thoughts.78:07 - how to connect.78:34 - thanks.See more detailed show notes at: http://candourpodcast.com/marco-setiadi

Show Notes1:55 -  the importance of family.  5:51 -  being yourself.  7:35 -  putting on a show to live up to expectations.  9:38 -  the performance trap.  15:24 - approval vs feedback.  22:16 - limiting beliefs.  29:33 - universal fears.  32:33 - does belief or action come first?  35:17 - training your mini-me.  41:36 - what is emotional intelligence?  43:47 - managing our response from logic rather than emotion.  46:10 - how social and emotional intelligence helps.  50:48 - putting baby in the corner.  51:55 - how can I learn more about emotional intelligence?  55:14 - free emotional intelligence online summit.  56:20 - listen through your story.  58:13 - thank you. See more detailed show notes at https://candourpodcast.com/grant-herbert