Think Act Be: Aligning thought, action, and presence

In this episode I discuss some ongoing health challenges I've had, why I decided to pause the podcast for the time being, and why you don't have to take your struggles so personally.

My guest this week is holistic executive coach Doug Holt. It was Doug's second time on the podcast (the previous episode is here) and another great discussion. This time we focused on the marriage relationship—especially when you fear that you married the wrong person. Our discussion focused mostly on male-female couples, but many of the things we talked about are relevant for all committed partnerships. Topics we discussed included: What leads people to think they married the wrong person Feeling like one is married to a “roommate with a ring” Blaming one's partner for marital disconnect Focusing on the person you can control, vs. the other person The disconnect between one's reception in the wider world and at home The common isolation from a brotherhood that many men experience Looking to one's partner to fulfill all of one's needs The book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover Putting our validation for our self-worth on our partner Doubling down on relationship behaviors that aren't working The turn-off of needy energy The downsides of interacting in a transactional way with one's partner Asking one's partner about how much their relationship needs are being met Choosing a spouse that is perfectly positioned to challenge us and push our buttons Taking marital challenges as feedback and opportunities for growth Self-betterment as a no-lose option Time and money as indicators of one's values The very rough patch that Doug went through in his marriage Working with parents to improve kids' lives What it means to be a “powerful man” Doug Holt has been changing lives through his coaching for nearly 30 years. He owns several successful companies and specializes in helping men (especially business owners) to grow their businesses, strengthen their relationships, and design the life they want to live. Doug lives with his wife and two kids in Oregon. Learn more about Doug and his work at his website. 

My guest this week is Dr. Paul Kesselman, a clinical psychologist and close friend of mine. It was Paul's second time on the podcast (the previous episode is here) and another great discussion. This time we focused on how to keep open lines of communication with our kids. Topics we discussed included: The advantages of keeping open dialogue with our kids Creating a safe environment for our kids to talk with us The downside of coming to our kids with an agenda Talking at, to, or with kids Making sure children are engaged when we're speaking with them Capitalizing on moments when our kids are available to talk with us How early to start thinking about open dialogue with children Many children's preference to go to Mom to talk rather than Dad How to deal respond when our kids do something wrong Shifting from content to process with our kids Remembering our goals in our interactions with our children Our expectations for how children “should” respond to our critiques and corrections Letting kids know we're there while also respecting their privacy and space The downsides of jumping in to fix or resolve things for our kids The book Paul referenced, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee (affiliate link) Paul Kesselman, PsyD, completed his doctoral degree in psychology at Yeshiva University. He has taught college level courses in child psychology. He has been working in private practice seeing individuals, families, and running groups since 2003. Paul works with children as young as four years of age and sees children, pre- teens, adolescents, families, young adults, and adults. He has also conducted research studies on social anxiety at New York State Psychiatric Institute. Paul grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia. He and his wife have five children; he enjoys spending time with his family, listening to music, and playing baseball when he is not helping patients and families. He has a passion for his work and enjoys the opportunity to work with issues such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, learning issues, OCD, anger issues, impulse control disorders, school avoidance and refusal, and adjustments issues. Paul has spoken at both public and private area schools on a variety of topics including ADHD, anxiety, special needs children, and school anxiety. Learn more about Paul and his therapy practice at his website.

My guest this week is Dr. Nadia Colburn, a poet and author of a new book of poetry entitled I Say the Sky (affiliate link).  Topics we discussed included: Developing greater interest in poetry later in life Turning to poetry as a spiritual or devotional practice The ability of poetry to express or point to things that are difficult to capture The emotional connection that poetry can inspire Presence that exists outside of traditional narrative Readings from Nadia's books Wanting to live and yet forgetting we're alive right here and now Mistaking the world for a task Making the body more spacious so it can contain more The ongoing life of the past into the present The dialogue between writing and meditation Letting go of the desire to show that we're good and acceptable Nadia's description and evocation of the experience of anxiety in her poem “Anxiety” The missingness of poetry, according to Kieran Setiya Nadia Colburn, PhD, is also the author of The High Shelf. Her poetry and prose have appeared in more than 80 publications, including the New Yorker, American Poetry Review, Kenyon Review, Spirituality & Health, Lion's Roar, and the Yale Review. Nadia holds a PhD in English from Columbia University. She is the founder of Align Your Story writing school, which brings traditional literary and creative writing studies together with mindfulness, embodied practices, and social and environmental engagement. Learn more about Nadia at her website, where you can also find meditations and other free resources.

My guest this week is Dr. Carla Naumburg, a clinical social worker and author with a brand new book called How to Stop Freaking Out: The Ultimate Guide to Keeping Cool When Life Feels Chaotic. This is an excellent guide for young people who are struggling with overwhelming emotions. Topics we discussed included: The defining features of a freak-out The balance between acknowledging big emotions and controlling freak-outs The difficulty in controlling an active freak-out The role of the prefrontal cortex (PFC) in regulating emotions and behavior Fight, flight, freeze, flip-out, and fix as different manifestations of freaking out Why freak-outs happen in spite of the costs Handling the triggers that can push our buttons Checking in with your body as a way to manage emotions The power of thoughts, for good and for ill The crucial difference between feelings and thoughts Whether it's helpful to express anger through, e.g., punching a pillow Carla Naumburg, PhD, LICSW, is a clinical social worker and the author of five books, including the bestselling How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, CNN, and Mindful Magazine, among other places. Carla lives in Massachusetts with her husband and two daughters.

My guest this week is Diane Manser, a long-time high school teacher with an important message that she shares in her recent book, I Didn't Sign Up for This: One Classroom Teacher's Journey Through Emotional Fatigue to Personal Empowerment (affiliate link).  Topics we discussed included: What led Diane to become a teacher The best and hardest aspects of teaching The point at which my guest started to wonder what she had signed up for Aspects of teaching that can lead to frustration and burnout Some of the needs and expectations that teachers can bring to the classroom Embracing organic developments while teaching Teaching as a both/and experience that is both rewarding and challenging Experiencing of meanness from students The emotional elements of being a teacher Learning to recognize the familiar reactions we have to certain types of people How being a teacher can force a person to grow on a personal level Diane Manser is a devoted high school English teacher in the Philadelphia suburbs, focusing most of her teaching career in the ninth grade. She is the founder of Teaching is Emotional, which encourages educational leaders, current teachers, and emerging teachers to support teachers' emotional strength as they navigate a challenging profession. Diane loves to be the sunshine in people's days and to find joy in the simplest of moments. She relishes summertime at the beach, self-discovery podcasts and non-fiction books, TV watching with her husband, and playing with her kids. Find Diane online at her website and join her private Facebook group Teaching Is Emotional.

My guest this week is Dr. Scott Rick, an associate professor of marketing and author of a great book called Tightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships (affiliate link).  Topics we discussed included: Why our relationship with money is often complicated, no matter how much we have Where our attitudes toward money and spending come from Mental and emotional tendencies that predispose a person to being a tightwad The tendency to act more like one's parents as one moves through adulthood My own tightwad tendencies, on the tightwad-spendthrift scale The daily suffering that tightwads experience from not spending money The lack of distress that spendthrifts feel about spending money The tendency to unfairly criticize spendthrifts more than tightwads Spendthrifts shopping for things they might need The extent to which being a spendthrift or tightwad may be domain specific Possible generational or situational effects on spending attitudes and habits The experiences that tightwads often miss out on Feeling like we have more money when we're willing to spend it The tendency to treat a raise and higher cost of living differently, especially for spendthrifts Shopping momentum and what-the-hell behavior among spendthrifts Why spendthrifts tend not to learn from their overspending Why spending regret tends to be different for material things vs. experiences Personality correlates of spendthrifts and tightwads Why tightwads and spendthrifts often wind up together in romantic relationships Whether it's better for couples to have joint or separate bank accounts The degree of financial transparency that is ideal for couples Scott Rick, PhD, is an associate professor of marketing at the University of Michigan's Ross School of Business. Scott received his PhD in Behavioral Decision Research from Carnegie Mellon in 2007, and he then spent two years as a post-doctoral fellow at Wharton. His research focuses on understanding the emotional causes and consequences of consumer financial decision-making, with a particular interest in the behavior of tightwads and spendthrifts. The overarching goal of his work is to understand when and why consumers behave differently than they should behave (defined by an economically rational benchmark, a happiness-maximizing benchmark, or by how people think they should behave), and to develop marketing and policy interventions to improve consumers' decision making and well-being. Find Scott online at his website where you can learn more about his work.

My guest this week is philosopher and counselor Dr. Samir Chopra, author of the fascinating new book, Anxiety: A Philosophical Guide (affiliate link).  Topics we discussed included: The extent to which we are experiencing unique levels of anxiety in human history Philosophical inquiry that springs from anxiety The unconscious cognitive work we do to make the world sensible and navigable My guest's loss of both parents fairly early in life and the consequences on his psyche Comparing our experienced misfortunes to the visible misfortunes of others The fear of not making the best use of our lives Being in the moment as an antidote to continual anxiety The Buddhist explanation of why anxiety can persist even when all is well Freedom from suffering through seeing the persistence of self as an illusion Managing and reducing anxiety vs. living with it Viewing anxiety as an ever-present entity in one's life Samir Chopra, PhD, is a philosophical counselor and professor emeritus of philosophy at Brooklyn College and the Graduate Center of the City University of New York. He's the author and coauthor of many books, including Shyam Benegal, A Legal Theory for Autonomous Artificial Agents, and Eye on Cricket. His essays have appeared in the Nation, the Los Angeles Review of Books, Aeon, Psyche, and other publications. Find Samir online at his website where you can learn more about his work and contact him about counseling sessions.

My guest this week is Dr. Marla Deibler, a clinical psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety. We discussed her excellent new book, The BFRB Recovery Workbook (affiliate link). Check out the publisher's website where you can download many free worksheets and resources. Topics we discussed included: When a body-focused repetitive behavior becomes a diagnosable disorder Common physical consequences of BFRBs Behaviors associated with the hair-pulling of trichotillomania, a type of BFRB The buildup of hair in the digestive system (trichobezoar) from ingesting hair What makes BFRBs so hard to stop The rewarding feeling that often accompanies BFRBs Fixing something with a BFRB that doesn't feel quite right Why willpower alone is usually not enough to stop BFRBs Ambivalence in the process of change: wanting to change and not wanting to change The importance of a functional analysis to understand what drives behaviors Wanting to jump to fixing a problematic behavior before understanding it The importance of awareness for treatment Practicing incompatible responses to interrupt the habit of BFRBs The relation of BFRBs to OCD and other types of compulsive behaviors The important role of acceptance and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) The problems of using punishment to shape behavior Marla W. Deibler, PsyD, ABPP, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Board-Certified in Behavioral and Cognitive Psychology, and Founder/Executive Director of The Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia. Marla serves on the Faculty of the Behavior Therapy Training Institute (BTTI) of the International OCD Foundation. She serves as President of the Board of Directors of OCD NJ, the NJ affiliate of the IOCDF, Consultant for the New Jersey Center for Tourette Syndrome, Visiting Clinical Supervisor at the Rutgers University Psychological Services Clinic, and Executive Council member of the ACBS OCD SIG. She is co-author of The BFRB Recovery Workbook: A Step-By-Step Guide to Effective Recovery from Hair Pulling, Skin Picking, Nail Biting, and Other Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Find Marla online at her website.

My guest this week is Dr. Alissa Jerud, a clinical psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety. Topics we discussed included: The anxiety conditions Alissa treats Anxiety related to pregnancy and fertility The difficulty of experiencing miscarriage My guest's own experience of two miscarriages The conditioned anxiety after the first loss Pregnancy as a perfect setup for anxiety Dealing with the desire to avoid distressing reminders The benefits of facing certain things that are painful Talking with others about difficult experiences Learning to sit with uncertainty Accepting the possibility that things might not go the way we want them to Ways that we try to subtly protect ourselves from anxiety or disappointment Embracing the good and the bad—opening to all of it The benefits and limitations of cognitive techniques for dealing with worry The willingness to talk with and listen to those who have experienced miscarriage Alissa Jerud, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist working in private practice and a Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania. She completed her doctoral training at the University of Washington and did a postdoctoral fellowship at the University of Pennsylvania's Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety. In her private practice, Alissa specializes in exposure-based treatment of anxiety-related disorders, including obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety, panic disorder, specific phobias, and generalized anxiety. Additionally, she specializes in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills training, which includes skills in mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. Alissa is passionate about helping as many people as possible, not only through her clinical work, but also through her writing and speaking engagements. She enjoys training other clinicians in exposure-based treatments and frequently gives workshops on anxiety, stress, mental health, parenting, and social support to companies large and small. She especially enjoys helping parents (including herself) learn to accept, regulate, and tolerate their emotions, as well as their children's. Find Alissa online at her website.

My guest this week for part 5 of our series on mindful awareness is Ethan Nichtern, author of a new book called Confidence: Holding Your Seat Through Life's Eight Worldly Winds (affiliate link). Topics we discussed included: Confidence as trusting we can navigate our own minds Making friends with our inner experience Equanimity as realizing that everything affects you The eight worldly winds or forces: Pleasure/pain Praise/blame Influence/insignificance Success/failure Showing up and working with whatever happens to us Mindfulness leading one to feel more but suffer less The first arrow/second arrow metaphor from Buddhism Not pretending something painful is not painful The normalness of reacting to the eight worldly winds Being willing to admit that we're having an experience we're having Why hope can be a trap just as much fear is The stress that comes with the possibility of good things The longing to be OK … in every way … forever The incredible power in just knowing what our mind is doing Mindfulness as a good way to practice working with the mind Ethan Nichtern is a renowned contemporary Buddhist teacher and the author of The Dharma of the Princess Bride, One City, and the widely acclaimed The Road Home (affiliate link). Since 2002, Ethan has taught meditation and Buddhist psychology classes and workshops in New York City and around North America.  He has lectured at meditation/yoga centers, conferences, and universities including Brown, Yale, and NYU. Ethan has been featured by CNN, NPR, the New York Times, Vogue, and Business Insider, and has written for the Huffington Post, Beliefnet, Lion's Roar, Tricycle, Buddhadharma, and more. He lives in Brooklyn. Find Ethan online at his website and find his courses at Dharma Moon.

My guest this week is Amanda Knox, author of the New York Times bestselling book Waiting to be Heard (affiliate link). Amanda's name is probably familiar to you because she was in the news a lot over a decade ago when she was tried for murder in Italy. Even though she was convicted, it turned out the charges were completely false, and eventually she was fully exonerated. Topics we discussed included: Amanda's history of being falsely accused of murder The power of the anchoring bias in maintaining false impressions My guest's feelings toward the prosecutor on her case Letting go of the need for other people to believe certain things about us The fundamental insight that there is nothing between you and your well-being Figuring out what we can give or take action on, instead of waiting for others to give us what we need Deciding not to be the victim Discovering what no one can take away from you The inherent opportunity in any kind of experience The deep empathy that comes from Amanda's experience Grieving the loss of the life that could have been The freedom of recognizing that everything is in flux all the time Realizing that this actually is my life, and choosing intentionally to live it Tolerating anything for short bouts of time (with reference to The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt) My guest's relationship with comedy “Hurt Feelings” by Flight of the Conchords Laughing at the absurdity of our self-seriousness Twitter: @amandaknox; KnoxRobinson.com; podcast Labyrinths; Instagram amomdaknox Amanda Knox is an exoneree, journalist, public speaker, and co-host, with her partner Christopher Robinson, of the podcast Labyrinths. Between 2007 and 2015, she spent nearly four years in an Italian prison and eight years on trial for a murder she didn't commit. She has since become an advocate for criminal justice reform and media ethics. She sits on the board of the Frederick Douglass Project for Justice. Find Amanda online on X/Twitter and Instagram and on her website, and check out her excellent podcast Labyrinths that she co-hosts with Christopher Robinson.

My guest this week is Brett Larkin, yoga instructor and author of Yoga Life: : Habits, Poses, and Breathwork to Channel Joy Amidst the Chaos (affiliate link). Topics we discussed included: Practicing yoga with awareness The appeal of yoga for helping us remember that we're more than our minds and brains Yoga as a “science laboratory” to observe what's happening internally and how one responds to life The moment my guest discovered what yoga can teach us about ourselves How to distinguish our highest Self from the inner strategist that keeps us in unhelpful patterns Looking for opportunities to move through life in a new way Crafting a yoga practice to offer you what you need 20 minutes as a thoroughly adequate length of yoga practice Self-care and being one's own parents The complementary energies of the masculine (Shiva) and feminine (Shakti) Balancing acceptance and change, as in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Prioritizing the breath in yoga as a means to awareness The non-optimal inhibited breathing we often get trapped in A brief guided experience in healthy breathing Discovering through yoga that there is a healthier way to live Brett Larkin is the founder of Uplifted Yoga and the author of Yoga Life. She has trained thousands of yoga teachers, and her training has set the standard for quality online certification since 2015. Brett's award-winning YouTube channel has with over half a million subscribers, and her Uplifed Yoga Podcast empowers listeners to actively design their lives using yoga's ancient wisdom. Yoga enthusiasts love her courses on Kundalini, Prenatal Yoga, and the Uplifted Yoga Academy. Learn more about Brett and her practice at her website.

My guest this week is psychologist Dr. Steve Taylor, author of the new book, The Adventure: A Practical Guide to Spiritual Awakening (affiliate link). Topics we discussed included: The practical components of “enlightenment” or “spiritual awakening” Commonalities across different spiritual traditions The unease and anxiety created by a sense of separateness from the world and others The fundamental background unease humans tend to feel The hijacking of spiritual awakening by the ego Aligning yourself with the organic impulse toward growth and greater awareness The process of waking up and transforming through intense suffering The naturalness of waking up, which often happens spontaneously Disidentification with the thought mind as the first step in spiritual awakening The difference between identifying vs. deidentifying with a worry The power of emptying one's mind The relative amount of time spent in absorption, abstraction, and awareness A “gentle mental nudge” to spend more time in awareness Accepting your non-acceptance and embracing your imperfections Steve Taylor, PhD, is the author of many bestselling books. He's senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett University and the chair of the Transpersonal Psychology Section of the British Psychological Society.  Steve's articles and essays have been published in over 100 academic journals, magazines, and newspapers. He blogs for Scientific American and Psychology Today. Visit him online at his website. 

My guest this week is psychologist Dr. Beth Kurland, author of the new book, You Don't Have to Change to Change Everything: Six Ways to Shift Your Vantage Point, Stop Striving for Happy, and Find True Well-Being (affiliate link). We begin with a calming guided meditation that Beth led. Topics we discussed included: The assumption that not feeling at ease is a personal failure Being with our distress without being swallowed up by it Cultivating well-being in the absence of happiness The role of self-compassion in well-being Recognizing and connecting with a deeper part of ourselves, whether we call is Self, spirit, or soul Seeing the world from our Wise Self Living from our head vs. being more connected to and aware of the body Contraction vs. expansion in the area around the heart Why we don't habitually run toward our body and wise Self as refuges A simple practice for coming back into one's body Proper breathing for calming the nervous system Beth Kurland, PhD, is a clinical psychologist with three decades of experience. She is also a TEDx and public speaker, a mind-body coach, and an author of three award-winning books: Dancing on The Tightrope; The Transformative Power of Ten Minutes; and Gifts of the Rain Puddle.  Beth blogs for Psychology Today and is the creator of the Well-Being Toolkit online program. She lives in the Boston area. For more, visit her website.  

My guest this week is Dr. Peter Levine, who is well-known for being the developer of Somatic Experiencing. He's also the author of a new book: An Autobiography of Trauma: A Healing Journey (affiliate link), which we focused on in this very enjoyable and meaningful discussion. Peter shared about how his own wounds from early in life were a big part of what led him into the field of trauma therapy. We explored how the healing continues, even now in Peter's ninth decade. Topics we discussed included: What Peter means when he describes himself as a modern “Chiron” Using our own wounds in life as we're working to help others Getting to trauma memories and healing through embodiment in somatic experiencing The horrific trauma Peter experienced early in his life The dream that led Peter to share this book rather than writing it only for his own healing The significance of dreams for waking life Learning to attend to the promptings of the unconscious mind The relation between somatic experiencing and an approach like cognitive behavioral therapy The role of the vagus nerve in the trauma response and in healing Using the body to encounter our traumas in a healing way Why a union of the body and mind tends to reduce anxiety The disconnection we so often experience between our minds and bodies Peter's reaction to a meditation workshop several decades ago The idea of “living your dying” Connections between death and the divine The promises and pitfalls of psychedelics Peter Levine, PhD, is the renowned developer of Somatic Experiencing. He holds a doctorate in medical and biological Physics from the University of California at Berkeley and a doctorate in psychology from International University. The recipient of four lifetime achievement awards, he is the author of several books, including Waking the Tiger, which has now been printed in 33 countries and has sold over a million copies. Learn more about: Peter Levine Somatic Experiencing An Autobiography of Trauma

My guest this week is Nick Davies, back for his third time on the podcast. This time we focused on issues related to midlife, as this is part 3 of our series on that topic. Things we discussed included: Nick's personal backstory and his decision to make a big change in his mid-thirties Asking the right questions that can lead us to fulfillment The danger of “normality” that doesn't serve us well Waiting for life to open up for you vs. creating the life you want Unhelpful beliefs that can lead us to take a passive role in our own lives Steven Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior Setting up your environment in a way that helps you flourish (e.g. life-giving relationships) Knowing when to change ourselves vs. changing the situation Returning to my clinical practice with a different mindset Nick Davies is a Tony Robbins-trained coach with over 20 years of experience in the corporate world. Nick's sweet spot for delivering value is working with high achieving financial advisors who want to add zero's to their business but aren't willing to sacrifice their health or time with family, Growing up in England, living across 3 continents and 5 locations, Nick takes the lessons from his extensive exposure to people and business, and applies them to his life and his clients. His focus is to get to the heart of what people really want. Nick believes most of us leave our personal and business potential on the table and settle – and is on a mission to relieve the suffering that can bring. With over 3500 hours of coaching and counting, Nick has worked with many different types of people and businesses to create massive awareness and abundance in those areas. He believes in holding high standards for himself and his clients. That means a focus on results, but also a focus on compassion. Find Nick online at LinkedIn.

My guest this week is Dr. Kieran Setiya, a philosophy professor at MIT and author of Midlife: A Philosophical Guide (affiliate link). Topics we discussed included: The extent to which midlife is a time of crisis Elliott Jaques's coining of the term “midlife crisis” in 1965 Data showing that life satisfaction is U-shaped, with a low in middle age Common significant challenges in midlife Past, Present, and Future The feeling of having missed out on other possible lives The tremendous loss we would experience if missing out were not possible The power of philosophy in the self-help space The poetic quality of Kieran's writing and its likely origins The overvaluing of having options for their own sake, even if it costs us in absolute satisfaction Value beyond removing problems and suffering A vision of life beyond striving for “neutral” The tension between feeling like what we do matters, and yet life feels completely pointless The profundity of hobbies as gratuitous activities that aren't aimed at solving problems What my guest has found is worth doing beyond addressing unmet needs The distinction between telic (project) and atelic (process) activities The societal pressure and value to be project-focused Why we're bothered by our nonexistence after death much more than our nonexistence before birth Understanding what it would really mean to be immortal How the arc of a life is different from a movie or a book Kieran Setiya, PhD, is professor and philosophy section head at MIT. He works mainly in ethics, epistemology, and the philosophy of mind. Kieran's other books include Practical Knowledge, Reasons without Rationalism, Knowing Right from Wrong, and Life Is Hard, which was named one of the best books of 2022 by the Economist and the New Yorker. Kieran has also written about stand-up comedy, HP Lovecraft, baseball, free will, and the meaning of life. Find Kieran online at his website and on Substack.

My guest this week is Dr. James Hollis, a therapist and author of many books, including Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up (affiliate link). Topics we discussed included: Common struggles one tends to experience in midlife The part of our psyche (soul) that knows us better than we know ourselves The agenda of the first and second halves of an average-length life Why certain issues tend to arise at midlife and not sooner The Buddha's experiences before and after enlightenment Missing out on the opportunity to find a different solution to unaddressed problems Asking metaphorically what the gods intend through us Living in harmony with our inevitable mortality The Self working to overthrow the ego Asking what the symptoms we're having are pointing to or asking of us Depression as a reorienting of energies when we're at odds with ourselves Why popular culture ideas about intimate relationships tend to lead to unhappiness The contrasting realities of “being in love with” and loving another person What it means to leave one's family of origin for the second time The projection that is part of the origin of any relationship The growth that often comes through challenges and pain The cost to ourselves and our loved ones of denying our calling Aligning vocation with one's work life How to successfully navigate the challenges of midlife James Hollis, PhD, is a Jungian analyst based in Washington, DC. He is the author of many books, including his latest, A Life of Meaning (affiliate link). Find Jim online at his website.

My guest this week is Dr. Joel Minden, a clinical psychologist, therapist, author of Show Your Anxiety Who's Boss (affiliate link), and frequent guest on the podcast. This conversation focused on men in therapy. Topics we discussed included: The extent to which men tend to be interested in and open to psychotherapy Fears that men might bring to therapy The significant overlap in the issues men and women deal with and what brings them to therapy The challenge of dealing effectively with anger More frequent externalizing disorders among men, e.g., substance use, aggression Gender differences in suicide attempts and death by suicide Male/female differences in therapy based on roles, e.g., mom vs. dad, husband vs. wife Variability among men or women compared to average differences between men and women Changes over time in men's attitudes toward and participation in therapy Trying to suppress strong or difficult emotions Deflecting the thread of a discussion when running into difficult material The idea of reclaiming an “alpha” masculinity Confusion and uncertainty about what it means to be a male in our society The benefit of normalization in therapy and in life Joel Minden, PhD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety and related disorders. He is the author of Show Your Anxiety Who's Boss (affiliate link), founder of the Chico Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, diplomate of The Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies, and lecturer in the Department of Psychology at California State University, Chico. Find Joel online at his website and read his blog on Psychology Today.

My guest this week is Dr. Michelle Drapkin, a clinical psychologist, therapist, and author of an excellent new workbook called The Motivational Interviewing Path to Personal Change: The Essential Workbook for Creating the Life You Want (affiliate link). Topics we discussed included: What motivational interviewing (MI) is and why the name is misleading Ambivalence toward change and how it's addressed with MI Living our values in the midst of our ambivalence Finding different and more productive avenues to pursue our values Prochaska and DiClemente and the Stages of Change model Pre-contemplation Contemplation Preparation Action Maintenance Why change is not a completely linear process How much of our behavior is conscious and intentional vs. automatic Realizing that it's normal for the mind to think of off-the-wall things The meaning (or meaninglessness) of dreams The book The Alchemist What led Michelle to adapt MI for a self-help workbook The practice of “rolling with resistance,” now renamed “dancing with discord” Encouraging change talk vs. trying to convince someone they have to change Michelle Drapkin, PhD, ABPP, is a board-certified psychologist who owns and operates the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Center, and has worked in behavioral science for over 20 years. She has held various roles as a behavioral scientist in industry, including leading the development and deployment of behavior change interventions at Johnson & Johnson. Michelle was a national motivational interviewing (MI) trainer at the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), and was on faculty at the University of Pennsylvania. She completed her PhD in clinical psychology from Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey; and joined the Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers (MINT) in 2008. She has trained thousands of health care professionals and industry leaders in MI. Find Michelle online at her website and on LinkedIn.

My guest this week is Dr. Regine Galanti, a licensed psychologist and author of the amazing new book, Parenting Anxious Kids: Understanding Anxiety in Children by Age and Stage (affiliate link). It was Regine's second time on the podcast and we had another great conversation. Topics we discussed included: Regine's fantastic new book Less-frequently recognized signs of anxiety in young kids Why anxious parents often have anxious kids The online information for parents that often makes kids' anxiety worse The issues my guest takes with “gentle parenting” The negative effects on kids of missing school due to anxiety Parents' concerns about how the way they respond to their child's anxiety will hurt their relationship Building the relationship with a child outside of the “anxiety zone” The shortcomings of so-called “tough love” when it comes from anger or fear The challenges when a parent of an anxious child isn't ready to face their own fears All-or-nothing approaches to responding to a child's anxiety The opportunities that kids offer in terms of parents' growth Ways that a parent-child relationship can grow by working through hard things together Regine Galanti, PhD, is a licensed psychologist who focuses on helping kids and teens with anxiety. She specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and has expertise in treating OCD, anxiety, parenting, and behavioral problems. She's the founder of Long Island Behavioral Psychology, where she brings warmth, sensitivity, and a problem solving approach to her practice.  Regine specializes in effective short-term treatments that work for anxiety and related disorders, including exposure therapy. She lives in Long Island, New York with her husband and three daughters.  She's quick to acknowledge that they all get anxious sometimes, and that's okay. In addition to this new book, she's also the author of Anxiety Relief for Teens and When Harley Has Anxiety. Find Regine online at her website and on Twitter and Instagram.

My guest this week is Dr. David Tolin, a clinical psychologist, researcher, author, and expert on effective treatments for many psychological conditions. In this conversation we focused on hoarding disorder, and then segued into a more general discussion about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and other treatment approaches. Topics we discussed included: The continuum of hoarding The diagnostic criteria for when hoarding is considered a disorder Instances of needing to buy a second home due to hoarding The prevalence of hoarding disorder The causes of hoarding How those who are at risk for hoarding disorder can minimize the risk of developing it The limits of reason and logic in treating hoarding Effective hoarding treatment The possibility that the medications atomoxetine and venlafaxine might be effective The role of distress tolerance in treatment Prioritizing living better over feeling better The value of strategies from motivational interviewing Effectiveness of the best treatments The effects on hoarding of general talk therapy Whether cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the best treatment for every condition How to harness the placebo effect in therapy Finding mutual respect across therapy traditions The need for more effective psychological treatment Doing higher quality research studies What to do when the best-tested treatments aren't helpful Historical advancements in CBT for panic disorder The textbook that David wrote calling Doing CBT David Tolin, PhD, ABPP, is the Founder and Director of the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Institute of Living, and an Adjunct Professor of Psychiatry at Yale University School of Medicine. He is the Past-President of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies, the Past-President of the Clinical Psychology Division of the American Psychological Association, and a principal investigator for the National Institutes of Health. He received the Awards for Distinguished Contribution to the Science of Psychology, Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology, and Lifetime Contribution to Psychology from the Connecticut Psychological Association. David is the author of over 200 scientific journal articles, as well as several books, including (affiliate links): Doing CBT: A Comprehensive Guide to Working with Behaviors, Thoughts, and Emotions Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding Face Your Fears: A Proven Plan to Beat Anxiety, Panic, Phobias, and Obsessions. He has been featured on the reality TV series Hoarders and The OCD Project, and has been a recurring guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Find David online at his website and at the Institute of Living.

My guest this week is Nir Eyal, author of the excellent book Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life (affiliate link). Topics we discussed included: The connection between Nir's first and second books Nir's own history of distraction and needing the techniques of Indistractable Using psychological principles to create positive habits the same way social media and advertising companies exploit the principles for their own profit Differentiating between helpful and harmful uses of technology The cost of pervasive distraction Missing out on the important things in life The distractibility that is part of our basic nature The inherent cost of every new technology The internal factors that often drive distraction, e.g., anxiety The 10-Minute Rule from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) The psychological reactance that arises as a rebellion to abstinence “Surfing the urge” of challenging emotions to resist unproductive urges A fascinating study about cigarette smoking and nicotine cravings Using time boxing to prevent distraction Turning values into time Being stingy with time and generous with money Prioritizing easy and urgent work over hard and important work The tyranny of the to-do list The joy of doing exactly what you said you were going to Planning time for spontaneity Nir Eyal writes, consults, and teaches about the intersection of psychology, technology, and business. Nir previously taught as a Lecturer in Marketing at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and the Hasso Plattner Institute of Design at Stanford. Nir co-founded and sold two tech companies since 2003 and was dubbed by The M.I.T. Technology Review as, “The Prophet of Habit-Forming Technology.” He is the author of two bestselling books, Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products and Indistractable (affiliate links). His books have resonated with readers worldwide, selling over 1 million copies in over 30 languages. Indistractable has received a lot of critical acclaim, winning the Outstanding Works of Literature Award as well as being named one of the Best Business and Leadership Books of the Year by Amazon and one of the Best Personal Development Books of the Year by Audible. The Globe and Mail called Indistractable, “the best business book of 2019.” In addition to blogging at NirAndFar.com, Nir's writing has been featured in The New York Times, The Harvard Business Review, Time Magazine, and Psychology Today. Nir attended The Stanford Graduate School of Business and Emory University. Find Nir online at his website and connect with him on LinkedIn, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

My guest this week is Oren Jay Sofer. Topics we discussed included: Oren's new book, Your Heart Was Made for This The ways that our minds and hearts are shaped by the world Scarcity Separation Depletion Understanding the roots of suffering and how to relieve suffering Our mistaken belief and wish that consumption will finally provide ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction Oren's realization at a young age that all of life is in flux Common effects of social media use, and what drives it How becoming a dad while writing his most recent book affected Oren and how he sees the world Finding unconditional love and acceptance My guest's experience of persistent Lyme Disease Finding a kind of joy that doesn't depend on our conditions The inseparable nature of joy and sorrow The joy that comes from living in alignment with the truth Embracing the mess of our lives, just as they are Oren Jay Sofer teaches Buddhist meditation, mindfulness, and communication internationally. He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University and is a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication and a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner for the healing of trauma. Born and raised in New Jersey, Oren is the author of several books, including the best-selling title Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication along with his latest, Your Heart Was Made for This. His teaching has reached people worldwide through online communication courses and guided meditations. Oren lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife and son, where he enjoys cooking, spending time in nature, and home woodworking projects. Find Oren online at his website and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

My guest this week is Dr. Paul Kesselman, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Devon, Pennsylvania. Topics we discussed included: The difference between healing and curing My own experience of illness and curing vs. healing A therapy scene from the Oscar-winning movie “Good Will Hunting” Validating pain and then pivoting to what is productive Show about a wrestler born with no arms (HBO?) Reacting to difficulties in life such as a poor night's sleep How we react to our mistakes When therapy is over (or paused) Preventing therapist burnout Shifting as a therapist from curing to collaborating Asking what we can learn when we feel stuck Growth vs. fixed mindsets The value in being emptied out Being authentic as a therapist The intense feelings that are often present in the therapy room Non-romantic love as part of the therapy process The therapy-based TV show “In Treatment” Paul Kesselman, PsyD, completed his doctoral degree in psychology at Yeshiva University. He has taught college level courses in child psychology. He has been working in private practice seeing individuals, families, and running groups since 2003. Paul works with children as young as four years of age and sees children, pre- teens, adolescents, families, young adults, and adults. He has also conducted research studies on social anxiety at New York State Psychiatric Institute. Paul grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia. He and his wife have five children; he enjoys spending time with his family, listening to music, and playing baseball when he is not helping patients and families. He has a passion for his work and enjoys the opportunity to work with issues such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, learning issues, OCD, anger issues, impulse control disorders, school avoidance and refusal, and adjustments issues. Paul has spoken at both public and private area schools on a variety of topics including ADHD, anxiety, special needs children, and school anxiety. Learn more about Paul and his therapy practice at his website.

My guest this week is Rob Bell. I was so happy that I got to speak with Rob. I've been a fan of his work for quite a while now—I listen to his podcast all the time and have read a few of his books, and I've just found his work so helpful. I  actually had an opportunity to spend a couple of days at the Rodale Institute where Rob was hosting one of his events where about 30 people come and bring an issue, a question, or a stuck point, and one by one we each sit and talk with Rob as the rest of the group observes. It's hard to describe exactly what happens, but something kind of shifts and opens up. That was definitely my experience. So it was great to speak with Rob here. We focused mostly on his really cool new book called Where'd You Park Your Spaceship? An Interplanetary Tale of Love, Loss, and Bread (affiliate link). If you haven't read it already, I strongly suggest you get a copy! It's fantastic. Topics Rob and I got into included: The ways that Rob shows up in his new novel The outside-of-earth perspective that Where'd You Park Your Spaceship offers The crucial importance of surrendering to the narrative when telling a story, vs. trying to make a point The sense that there is a creative entity within us that to seems to have a mind of its own Following interest and curiosity vs. debt, duty, and obligation The main character's existential sense of loneliness The importance of moving past denial The Enneagram and knowing the pain of your number Setting aside the pattern and energy of explaining things Reference in the book to Rob's play, What's a Knucka? Themes of anger, defiance, and liberation Recognizing one's part in creating a system one is opposed to The forthcoming second installment of the series Rob Bell is the New York Times bestselling author of 14 books and plays which have been translated into 25 languages. His visual art can be seen on Instagram, his band is HUMANS ON THE FLOOR, and his podcast is called The RobCast. Rob lives with his family in Ojai, California. Learn more about Rob at his website.

My guest this week is Yemado. He's the director of the Boston School of Boabom, and he's been teaching Boabom for over 20 years. As you'll hear, Boabom is a Tibetan system of meditation, relaxation, and self-defense, and this was such an interesting discussion. The topics Yemado and I explored were really familiar ones, and they were also in a whole new context. One of the most valuable parts of this conversation for me was his description of “crashing into yourself” when you pursue consistent practice with something like yoga or meditation or Boabom. Eventually you'll discover inconvenient truths about yourself, and with persistence you can learn better ways to work with yourself. Toward the end you can follow along as Yemado leads us through a brief guided meditation. Topics we got into included: How Yemado discovered Boabom A book Yemado translated called Recycling with the Mind (affiliate link) What it means to meditate Habitual pathways in the mind, and creating new, more intentional pathways Meditation as rerouting the pathways in the mind Connections among the different benefits of meditation, such as relaxation and mental focus Meditation through movement Finding a “just-right challenge” in meditation Seeing through unhelpful assumptions The risk in skipping from one form of practice to another, and the value in practicing one approach over time “Crashing into yourself” through consistent focused practice Discovering truths about yourself that you're not happy with through meditation Psychological self-defense as not taking on unnecessary additional stress A brief guided meditation from the Boabom approach Yemado is the foremost teacher in North America of Boabom, an ancient Tibetan system of meditation, relaxation, and self defense. He has brought this practice to thousands of students around the world over more than two decades of teaching, and he has trained Boabom teachers around the world. Yemado is the creator of Boabom Journey, a new 5 star app and video course that allows anyone to learn Boabom on their own schedule. He is the director of the Boston School of Boabom, the principal school dedicated to Boabom in North America. Yemado is also the co-translator and editor of a number of books about Boabom. You can download the highly-rated Boabom app here. Check out a free Boabom class, and learn more about Boston Boabom where Yemado is the Director and senior teacher.

My guest this week is Brent Franson, an entrepreneur and founder and CEO of a company called Most Days. I met Brent a while back when he had me on his podcast. I really wanted to talk with him after I listened to an episode of his podcast where he described the things that led him to the work he does now, which is focused on helping people make positive changes in their lives. Brent talked about his history of addiction and what helped him overcome it. We talked about self-compassion, which is built into the Most Days approach, and the limits of self-improvement. Topics we got into included: The events that led to Brent's interest in and motivation for positive behavior change Brent's history of addiction The destructive dynamics of addiction My guest's experience in rehab Honest with oneself as an essential starting place for change The importance of self-compassion Balancing self-compassion with structure and discipline The important difference between self-criticism and self-critique The limits of self-improvement Allowing yourself to have some off-days The influence of meditation and mindfulness on my guest's life and work Learning about one's “inner talk track” Focusing on consistency before intensity when building new habits Check out the Most Days Show and the Most Days app, and contact Brent here. You can hear Brent tell his story on his podcast: Part 1: The Story of Most Days and Part 2: The Importance of Big Decisions. Brent Franson is the founder and CEO of Most Days. A serial entrepreneur, Brent's interest in entrepreneurial endeavors began in high school when he founded a full-service search technology marketing agency. After moving to Palo Alto in 2005, Brent was on the founding team of Reputation.com, the worldwide leader in online reputation management. Reputation.com was named a Technology Pioneer by the World Economic Forum and was backed by Kleiner Perkins, Bessemer Venture Partners, and August Capital. Most recently, Brent was the CEO of Euclid Analytics, a leader in retail data and analytics backed by Benchmark Capital, NEA, Harrison Metal, and Groupe Arnault. Under his leadership, Euclid was acquired by WeWork in 2019. Brent has been named a LinkedIn Top Voice, and has regularly contributed to Forbes, LinkedIn, Inc, Entrepreneur, and other publications. Brent is a father, and an athlete who enjoys his routine, reading, running, skiing, skydiving, and anything that involves pushing his own boundaries.

My guest this week is Dr. Mitch Abblett. Mitch and I talked about how we can move through anxiety and stress by what he calls “owning the moment.” We explored what that means, how to do it, and maybe most important of all, how to remember to do it. The process itself is really simple—we just bring our attention to the present and let things be as they are. But as I'm sure you know, that's much easier said than done. Mitch has some really helpful ways to practice more of this style of being in the moment. It involves something he calls “momentology,” which you'll hear him explain. I really enjoyed this conversation, and toward the end Mitch led me through a short guided exercise that you can follow along with, too. I'm guessing you'll like it as much as I did. Topics we got into included: What it means to be “mindful” Owning the moment Letting go of a fixation on stories and beliefs The value of coming into the moment when feeling stressed or anxious Using the breath to slow down and create space Engaged acceptance of not having control or possession of our kids How to help ourselves remember to come back to the present and release control The limitations of “hacks” to practice mindful presence The toxic anticipation of “nexting” Finding a resonance between ourselves and our experience, akin to jazz music How to commit to a consistent embrace of the moment Whether formal mindfulness practices are essential for developing a present focus A meditative practice based on the acronym “OWN” The present backlash against mindfulness and meditation Mitch Abblett, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, author, consultant and national/international speaker. His latest book is for parents, educators and helping professionals – Prizeworthy: How to Meaningfully Connect, Build Character, and Unlock the Potential of Every Child. His other publications include: The Five Hurdles to Happiness and the Mindful Path to Overcoming Them The Self-Compassion Deck, Growing Mindful , and other mindfulness-related card decks Helping Your Angry Teen From Anger to Action Train Your Mind Like a Ninja The Unwinding Anxiety Deck (with Dr. Judson Brewer) Mitch's work has appeared in numerous online and print media such as Psychology Today, Mindful Magazine, The New York Times, Newsweek, Tricycle Magazine, and USA Today. His frequent blog posts regarding mindfulness applications in family and relationships can be found in Mindful Magazine's companion website Mindful.org as well as on Psychology Today. A clinician in the Boston area for over 20 years, he brings a wealth of clinical, administrative and leadership experience from various settings (hospitals, outpatient clinics, residential facilities and therapeutic schools) to his practice and consulting. For 11 years he served as the Clinical Director of the Manville School at Judge Baker Children's Center in Boston – a Harvard Medical School-affiliated therapeutic school program for children and adolescents with emotional, behavioral and learning difficulties. He has also served as the Executive Director of the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy. Mitch lives with his wife and two children in Newton, Massachusetts.

My guests this week are Drs. Kelly Yanek and Michel Kinderman. I was truly excited to learn more about their dual therapist model where they see each client together—two therapists with a single client. They described how this approach keeps them interested and engaged at work, and makes them look forward to Monday mornings. I think you'll find this conversation as fascinating as I did. Topics we discussed included: Kelly and Michele's unique Dual Therapist Model (DTM) of psychotherapy What led my guests to the DTM Burning out as a therapist The advantages of the DTM Having a real-time witness to the best and hardest moments in therapy The finances of doing therapy with two therapists The very different experience of having another therapist in the room The rewarding aspects of practicing with a fellow clinician Important considerations when choosing a co-therapist The continual work of being open and honest with one's dual therapy partner Navigating the complex relational dynamics in DTM My own interest in a dual therapist approach How to get started in the DTM Kelly and Michele's DTM training program Michele Kinderman, PhD, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and co-founder of Wellness Outside the Box. For nearly two decades, she's been successfully treating children and adults struggling with trauma, depression, anxiety, relationship conflict, parenting issues, and the stresses of everyday life. Michele combines the more traditional therapies (cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, insight oriented therapy) with music, movement, and nature to assist clients in building their strengths and achieving their goals. She also loves animals and offers Pet Therapy. To maintain balance and serenity in her own life, she enjoys hiking, rock climbing, skateboarding, dancing, and spending time with her husband, two sons, and the family dog Zippy. Kelly Yanek, PsyD, is a nationally certified School Psychologist and the other founder of Wellness Outside the Box. Kelly has had a love for the outdoors since she was a little girl climbing trees and exploring nature, and she's been incorporating this passion for nature and adventure into her work since her career began. In addition to her certification as a school psychologist, Kelly has specialized training in adventure-based counseling and the technical skills of high and low ropes/adventure courses. She's also a certified yoga instructor. She takes great pride in the progress and success of her clients, and looks forward to helping you. In her free time, you can find Kelly traveling, enjoying the beach, practicing yoga, running, cycling or swimming, and most of all, spending time with her family and friends. Discover more about Kelly and Michelle and the Dual Therapist Model by visiting their website.

My guest this week is psychologist and author Dr. Jill Stoddard, who recently wrote a book called Imposter No More: Overcome Self-Doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career. Jill and I had a great discussion about feeling like an imposter—why it happens, who's likely to have the experience, and most important, how to deal with those thoughts and feelings. The solution probably won't be what you expect because the answer is not to force yourself to think and feel differently. Most of us find that our thoughts and feelings kind of have a mind of their own, and trying to make them change is often more frustrating than successful. So if you've wrestled with the imposter syndrome, you'll find this conversation really helpful. Topics we discussed included: What the imposter syndrome is Terminology: imposterism, imposter syndrome, imposter phenomenon Who is likely to feel like an imposter The lack of solid research into imposterism Possible evolutionary adaptations related to feeling like an imposter The degree to which imposterism is based on past experiences Why more success typically is not the answer to feeling like a fraud or out of place Where in our lives imposterism tends to show up most often Jill's own experience of trying to do more and more and eventually burning out The difficulty in trying to get rid of imposter thoughts and feelings Psychological flexibility as a way to make peace with imposterism Different ways of saying the same thing in the therapy world The different meanings of fear depending on the context Thoughts that are more or less likely to be disputed effectively The difficulty in believing the good things that others see in us Jill Stoddard, PhD, is passionate about sharing science-backed ideas from psychology to help people thrive. She is a psychologist, TEDx speaker, award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, and cohost of the popular Psychologists off the Clock podcast. Jill has written two books in addition to her latest one: Be Mighty, and The Big Book of ACT Metaphors. Her writing has also appeared in Psychology Today, Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, the Good Men Project, Mindful Return, and The Washington Post. She regularly appears on podcasts as an expert source for various media outlets. Jill lives in Massachusetts with her husband, two kids, and disobedient French bulldog. Find out more about Jill at her website.

I'm all alone for this episode. This week I wanted to talk with you about finding the courage you need to take a bold step forward in your life. It could be anything, from continuing your education to changing jobs or starting to date. Anxiety and uncertainty often hold us back when we know we need to make an important change. But they don't have to. There are effective ways to move through our hesitation so that nothing stops us from living the life we know is calling us. I hope you get a lot out of this episode. It's based on the first session of a new course I created called Forward: Finding Courage to Take a Bold Step. The course offers 5 audio sessions that include mindfulness exercises to help you find your center, manage your mindset, and act with awareness and intention. The practices you'll discover in Forward will help you retrain your thoughts, roll with difficult emotions, and work with whatever life brings you. Each session includes an invitation to practice the things you've learned, so you can move from insight to action. The sessions are designed to teach you effective skills without taking a lot of time or energy. They're audio-based, so you can listen without needing to look at a screen. I'll be monitoring the Comments section so I can respond to your questions. I'd love to see you there!  

This week I'm continuing my series with Dr. Joel Minden, and we discussed a fun and interesting topic: psychotherapists in popular media, including film, TV, and comic strips. We explored what these depictions get right, the challenges of presenting therapy accurately, and why therapists so often are portrayed as buffoons. Specific topics we touched on included: Common therapist tropes in movies and TV shows The movie Mumford Richard Dreyfuss as Leo Marvin in the 1991 film What About Bob? The accelerated pace of change in dramatized versions of therapy Therapists pushing their patients to “go deeper” and explore painful parts of their lives The TV show Shrinking The “psychiatrist” Lucy Van Pelt in the Peanuts comic strip Robin Williams's portrayal of therapist Sean Maguire in Good Will Hunting Steve Carrell as therapist Alan Strauss in The Patient Jennifer Melfi (played by Lorraine Bracco) on The Sopranos Gabriel Byrne as therapist Paul Weston on In Treatment The iconic tissue pass in therapy The potentially big impact of small interventions in therapy, and in life Harry Stack Sullivan's Interpersonal Theory and Psychotherapy (affiliate link) The movie Suture and psychogenic amnesia Larry David's therapist on Curb Your Enthusiasm The power dynamics of chairs in therapy office Joel Minden, PhD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety and related disorders. He is the author of Show Your Anxiety Who's Boss (affiliate link), founder of the Chico Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, diplomate of The Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies, and lecturer in the Department of Psychology at California State University, Chico. Find Joel online at his website, follow him on Twitter, and read his blog on Psychology Today.

This week I'm continuing my series with Dr. Joel Minden, and there's no one I'd rather talk with about how to handle worry. Joel is a true expert on this topic. He offers a compassionate, realistic, and effective set of tools for worrying less so you can redirect your energy toward living well. Specific topics we touched on included: Anxiety vs. worry The implicit goal of anxiety The similarities between obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) Intolerance of uncertainty Worry as a learned behavior that is reinforced (rewarded), making it more likely to continue Finding alternatives to replace worry The sense of helplessness that can lead to depression Whether worry can ever be productive The value of writing down one's worries Possible signatures of unproductive worry Shifting attention to what we can control rather than focusing on the uncontrollable The downsides of distraction as a way to deal with anxiety and worry Accepting uncertainty when the outcome would be truly bad Being more specific about one's worst-case fears Unhelpful distraction vs. more helpful and productive engagement with life Allowing anxiety to “come along for the ride” The role of meditation in dealing with worries Joel's use of CBT techniques for dealing with his own worry and anxiety Joel Minden, PhD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety and related disorders. He is the author of Show Your Anxiety Who's Boss (affiliate link), founder of the Chico Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, diplomate of The Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies, and lecturer in the Department of Psychology at California State University, Chico. Find Joel online at his website, follow him on Twitter, and read his blog on Psychology Today.

This week I'm continuing my series with Dr. Joel Minden. This time we discussed how much can be accomplished in a single psychotherapy session. Joel and I explored single-session interventions, one-session treatments for phobias, and sudden gains. Topics we touched on included: Goals for the first therapy session The hope that often follows a first session One as the modal number of therapy sessions Shorter treatment protocols, including single session interventions (SSIs) The work of Dr. Jessica Schleider and her colleagues 2017 meta-analysis 2017 review 2022 randomized clinical trial The value of helping clients develop flexible responses to emotions and strategies for behavioral change The importance of clinical significance, in addition to statistical significance How to interpret an effect One-Session Treatment for phobias, developed by Öst, and the big effect of exposure on anxiety Sudden gains in the course of psychotherapy treatment The interplay between behavioral and cognitive change The advantages of single-session interventions, including scalability Joel Minden, PhD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety and related disorders. He is the author of Show Your Anxiety Who's Boss (affiliate link), founder of the Chico Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, diplomate of The Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies, and lecturer in the Department of Psychology at California State University, Chico. Find Joel online at his website, follow him on Twitter, and read his blog on Psychology Today.

My guest once again this week is Dr. Joel Minden. This time we discussed psychotherapy, drawing on the years that each of us has been a therapist. Good therapy has the power to improve thinking patterns, relationships, habits, and even personality, so we explored the unique aspects of the therapy relationship that facilitate these changes. This conversation is the second in a series of several episodes with Joel, with more to come. Topics we touched on included: A Washington Post piece that inspired our discussion, “Why I Fired My Therapists” by Foster Kamer Whether it's productive to “call out” clients in therapy The problem of always being told one is right as a therapy client Trying to match therapists to clients The dialectic of supporting and challenging in therapy Possible developmental shifts across one's career as a therapist My experience with a supervisor who berated my client Whether there's a place for telling clients what they need or ought to do Addressing unhelpful patterns of reinforcement Why telling people what to do generally doesn't work Creating different dynamics in therapy from what people tend to experience elsewhere The uniqueness of the therapy relationship among all other relationships The value in just talking through an issue in order to arrive at a solution The actual self vs. idealized self The risk in being one's authentic self Joel Minden, PhD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety and related disorders. He is the author of Show Your Anxiety Who's Boss, founder of the Chico Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, diplomate of The Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies, and lecturer in the Department of Psychology at California State University, Chico. Find Joel online at his website, follow him on Twitter, and read his blog on Psychology Today.

My guest this week is Dr. Joel Minden, a regular on the Think Act Be podcast. This time we switched roles and Joel interviewed me, mostly about my approach to therapy that I describe in my latest book, Mindful Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (affiliate link). This conversation is the first in a series of several episodes with Joel, so stay tuned for more to come. Topics we touched on included: The traditional approach in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) The medical model of therapy My background in mindfulness The book Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior (affiliate link) Parallels between my religious practices as a kid and my early experiences with meditation Mindfulness practice as more than another “technique” for feeling better Allowing oneself to experience difficult emotions instead of trying to get rid of them The challenge in not fighting against our experience The manageability of the moment How cognitive work can support mindfulness practice Contentment that doesn't depend on one's circumstances Letting go of the struggle against the struggle Feeling bad about “not being mindful enough” My decision to self-disclose about my own struggles The necessity of honesty in any healthy relationship Humor in the context of mindfulness, and taking things less seriously Mindfulness in action, and the value of finding stillness Joel Minden, PhD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety and related disorders. He is the author of Show Your Anxiety Who's Boss (affiliate link), founder of the Chico Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, diplomate of The Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies, and lecturer in the Department of Psychology at California State University, Chico. Find Joel online at his website, follow him on Twitter, and read his blog on Psychology Today.

My guest this week is Matt Zemon, editor of the excellent new book Psychedelics for Everyone: A Beginner's Guide to These Powerful Medicines for Anxiety, Depression, Addiction, PTSD, and Expanding Consciousness (affiliate link). Matt also contributed several chapters to this book. This conversation is a great introduction to the world of psychedelics, and Matt is an excellent guide. He's knowledgeable, compassionate, and he presents a balanced view of the potential place of psychedelics in our lives. Topics we discussed included: What Matt means by “psychedelics for everyone” means The positive effects of psychedelics on a wide range of psychiatric conditions, especially those involving repetitive mental patterns Breaking old patterns of brain activity and creating new ones How psychedelics might have their powerful and lasting positive effects Effects of psychedelics in the spiritual domain Some of my guest's spiritual experiences with psychedelics Different reasons that people approach psychedelic experimentation and use, including medical, spiritual, and libertarian Navigating the legal restrictions on psychedelic use Psychedelic churches Possible adverse effects of taking psychedelics David Nutt's study on risk of harm from different psychoactive substances (create a free account with Lancet to view the full article) The possible role of fear and anxiety on reactions to psychedelics The side effects of psychedelics vs. those of existing prescription medications Paying attention to source, set, and setting People who should definitely not take a psychedelic substance SpiritPharmacist.com for medical consults and to discuss potential psychedelic use Matt Zemon, MSc, is a dedicated explorer of the inner world, and a passionate advocate for the thoughtful and responsible use of psychedelics. With a Master of Science in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health with honors from King's College London, Matt has studied the effects of psychedelics on the mind and the potential for these experiences to serve as a catalyst for positive transformations. His work in this field is motivated by a profound desire to help people navigate the sometimes challenging terrain of the psychedelic experience, and emerge from it with a deeper sense of purpose, connection, and understanding—to reclaim their true self. As an entrepreneur in the wellbeing sector, Matt has co-founded various companies, including: HAPPŸŸ, a mental wellness company specializing in psychedelic-assisted ketamine therapy PSYCHABLE, an online community connecting people who would like to explore the healing power of psychedelics with a network of practitioners and psychedelic-based treatments TAKE2MINUTES, a nonprofit dedicated to helping individuals improve their mental health and wellbeing. For more information visit his website, find him on LinkedIn or Instagram, or contact Matt with your questions. You can order his excellent journal for psychedelic preparation and integration here: Beyond the Trip (affiliate link).

My guest this week is Thomas Moore, a psychotherapist and author of a new book entitled The Eloquence of Silence: Surprising Wisdom in Tales of Emptiness (affiliate link). I was so pleased to have the opportunity to speak with Thomas, since I've appreciated his work for about 25 years, going back to Care of the Soul. Topics we discussed included: The role of emptiness in religion and spirituality The possibilities that emerge with emptiness Fostering emptiness as emptiness, not as a space to fill Qualities of emptiness that we often recognize and appreciate in others Dropping the anxious additions we often bring to our interactions The emptiness in good acting Finding the narratives that support unhelpful behaviors Everyday examples of emptiness in our lives Silence in the therapy room Finding meaning in or through emptiness Nicholas of Cusa, author of Sacred Ignorance The value in recognizing how little we know Emptying our concept of what we call “God” Unlearning enough that one is ready to teach Allowing emptiness to be empty Finding that life empties you regularly The disappointments that empty us out—and prepare us for an important change in our lives The difficulty in leaving space in our lives, and the importance of lessening busyness The close association of desire and soul The quiet that seems to have characterized my guest's life The origins of Thomas's fear of the water Thomas's appreciation for the creative individuals in his family, including his wife Joan Hanley's paintings; daughter Siobhán Moore, also known as the musician Ajeet; and stepson and architect Abraham Bendheim Thomas Moore is the author of The Eloquence of Silence and 24 other books about bringing soul to our personal lives and culture. He wrote the #1 New York Times bestseller Care of the Soul (affiliate link). Thomas has been a Catholic monk and university professor and is also a psychotherapist influenced mainly by C. G. Jung and James Hillman. His work brings together spirituality, mythology, depth psychology, and the arts, emphasizing the importance of images and imagination. For more information visit his website.

My guest this week is psychologist Dr. Noam Shpancer, author of the novel The Good Psychologist (affiliate link). We explored the ongoing crisis in mental health among young people, and discussed possible ways to address it. I really enjoyed talking with Noam and hearing his insights and nuanced perspective on these issues.

My guest this week is Dr. Steve Hayes, one of the most influential psychologists of our time. The first time I had Steve on the podcast back in 2020 we discussed the fundamentals of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This time you'll see what those ideas look like in action. The second half of our discussion is Steve leading me through a series of invitations and explorations. It was a pretty incredible experience that I can't really capture by trying to describe it, so I'm glad I can share it with you in this episode.

My guest this week is Dr. Mark Karris, author of the new book, The Diabolical Trinity: Healing Religious Trauma From a Wrathful God, Tormenting Hell, and a Sinful Self. Mark shared about the damaging effects this trio of doctrines can have on people, himself included, and how to heal. Topics we discussed included: How certain religious beliefs themselves can be traumatic, apart from abusive, authoritarian leaders Differing effects of indoctrination in these beliefs early in life vs. later My guest's own traumatic religious experiences Anxiety related to the belief in hell and “eternal conscious torment” The question of why some people have trauma reactions to these beliefs and other don't Possible effects of the family or church environment in which diabolical beliefs were taught The similarities between some depictions of God and abusive partners A wrathful god as a possible vengeful projection of believers Seeing through persistent gut-level beliefs from harmful religious doctrines The practices Mark offers for healing from religious trauma The opportunity cost of not learning about a loving divine presence People who don't want anything to do with even a benevolent deity The doctrine of universalism, that “love wins in the end” Different ways of understanding hell within the Christian tradition What my guest believes about God now

My guest this week is Thomas Sterner, whose latest book is It's Just a Thought (affiliate link). As you know, your thoughts aren't always helpful or true. In this conversation Tom and I talked about how to change your relationship with thoughts, which I think about a lot as CBT therapist. Just knowing that we're thinking is a huge part of what's helpful, but awareness alone is usually not enough. We need specific ways to practice new thinking. Tom shares some really interesting techniques for developing more helpful thought patterns.

  My guest this week is Dr. John Astin, author of the excellent book, This Extraordinary Moment (affiliate link). John has a really mind-blowing way of seeing all of reality, as you'll hear in this great conversation. We talked about familiar concepts from meditation and mindfulness—for example, awareness of reality and finding equanimity—but John expands the frame in a way that's truly liberating. He shows again and again how the reality we usually take for granted is way more stunning than we can even imagine. The upshot of seeing with new eyes is that our happiness is no longer tied to the ups and downs of whatever is happening. I know you'll take a lot from the wisdom and insights John shares.

My guest this week is Colin Campbell. He wrote an amazing book called Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose (affiliate link), about his experience of incredible grief and loss. I really enjoyed talking with Colin—as you'll hear, he's frank, down-to-earth, compassionate. I know you'll get a lot out of this conversation.

My guest this week is Dr. Mitch Greene. Mitch is a sport psychologist and this is his third time on the podcast. This time we talked about his great new book, which I enjoyed reading, called Courage Over Confidence: Managing Mind Chatter and Winning the Mental Game (affiliate link). This is a great conversation for any competitive athlete, at any level—from doing weekend 5Ks to Olympic competition.

My guest this week is Dr. Brie Turns-Coe, an associate professor of marriage and family therapy and author of the excellent new book, Parent the Child You Have, Not the Child You Were (affiliate link).

My guest this week is Dr. Jonah Paquette, author of Happily Even After (affiliate link), who is back for the fourth time on the podcast. Jonah is the happiness guru I turn to for exploring the science of well-being and flourishing. This time we focused on how to cultivate happiness more consistently in our lives—and why we tend to wait till we're seriously unhappy before using the practices that build positive emotions. As always it was a great discussion.