American LGBT activist
POPULARITY
2 episodes with Jacob Tobia
2 episodes with Jacob Tobia
3 episodes with Jacob Tobia
2 episodes with Jacob Tobia
2 episodes with Jacob Tobia
2 episodes with Jacob Tobia
3 episodes with Jacob Tobia
2 episodes with Jacob Tobia
Make the most of this week's energies by going deeper into your own process and chart by BOOKING A READING . And check out my upcoming lecture at the Los Angeles ASTRO FEST! Subscribe to the WORLD OF REX NEWSLETTER! Pre-order Jacob Tobia's new book, BEFORE THEY WERE MEN, HERE! Finally my loves, you can always donate / buy me a cup of coffee @MARVAL-REX on Venmo! Reach out with any comments or questions at rexastrology@gmail.com. Thanks ASTRO FAM!
Make the most of this week's energies by going deeper into your own process and chart by BOOKING A READING . And check out the Los Angeles ASTRO FEST! And again, subscribe to the WORLD OF REX NEWSLETTER! Pre-order Jacob Tobia's new book, BEFORE THEY WERE MEN, HERE! Finally my loves, you can always donate / buy me a cup of coffee @MARVAL-REX on Venmo! Reach out with any comments or questions at rexastrology@gmail.com. Thanks ASTRO FAM!
Listen to me and Jacob Tobia (author, screenwriter, advocate and actor) solve the very easy problem of patriarchy. Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/JanayaFK Tip w/ a One Time Donation - https://buymeacoffee.com/janayafk SUBSCRIBE + FOLLOW IG - www.instagram.com/jfktodayshow/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@JanayaFK TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@janayafk
Today, we continue our examination of difficult public debates, one year after concluding our series, The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling. In Part 1, we provided updates on women's sports, women-only spaces, and transition medicine for minors. This week, we hear from three different trans individuals who share their perspectives on the state of the debate, J.K. Rowling in particular, and the larger idea that good-faith debates are necessary for progress in a pluralistic society. Our guests include Jacob Tobia, author of the book Sissy, and listener-favorite Noah, the teenager who shared his gender transition story with us in episode six of The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling. We also listen and respond to sharp criticisms from popular YouTuber and former Witch Trials guest, Natalie Wynn, aka Contrapoints. We do our best to engage in the kind of good-faith debating that we believe in. As always, we appreciate your time and attention and would be delighted if you shared this show and gave us a rating on Apple or Spotify. Thank you for your support, and please send us your thoughts, feedback, story ideas, or criticisms to our new email address: hello@reflector.show.
The World of Rex is joined today by activist and author Jacob Tobia, to talk about their radical work unpacking masculinity as we navigate Chiron in Aries. This is a wonderful time to go deeper into your own process and chart by BOOKING A READING . And subscribe to the WORLD OF REX NEWSLETTER! You can also follow me on tiktok here and watch me on youtube! My loves, you can always donate / buy me a cup of coffee @MARVAL-REX on Venmo! Reach out with any comments or questions at rexastrology@gmail.com. Thanks ASTRO FAM!
Is everyone a little bit trans? Can gender change over time? Guest Jacob Tobia (they/them) is an actor, writer, producer, and author of the national bestselling memoir Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story. In this episode, we talk all about the nuances of gender from sissy play to Harry Styles. Ads: - Enjoy porn you can learn from. Use XOSCHOLARS and get a seven-day free trial at https://afterglow.ubpages.com/xoscholars/ - Check out Cocktales Dirty Discussions: Another show from The Pleasure Podcasts Network: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cocktales-dirty-discussions/id1149484402?mt=2 FOLLOW US Twitter Instagram Facebook Send questions, comments, stories, rants to: SlutsAndScholars@gmail.com Sluts And Scholars is a production of sluts and scholars media.
Wyatt kicks off this episode solo with a brief discussion of the last week, which has been absolutely bananas. Then, Mary and Wyatt are thrilled to welcome Jacob Tobia to the pod. Jacob (they/them) is an actor, writer, producer, and author of the national bestselling memoir Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story. From running across the Brooklyn Bridge in high heels to giving Trevor Noah an on-air makeover on The Daily Show, Jacob helps others embrace the full complexity of their gender, even (and especially) when it's messy as hell. Jacob recently made their acting debut as the nonbinary character “Double Trouble” on Netflix's She-Ra and The Princesses of Power. Originally from Raleigh, North Carolina, Jacob currently lives in Los Angeles.
Welcome to The Inclusivity Series Part 2, a collaboration between Ashley Mitchell and lululemon in an effort to make wellness spaces more inclusive. The six speakers will take us on a journey through different aspects of diversity and inclusion through the vehicle of storytelling and q+a.We truly hope you enjoy these conversations, and we'll talk to you soon!(NEW SEASON LAUNCHES 8/3!!)Learn more:IG: @theaxiomofaddisonauntaddie.medium.com Queer & Trans Resilience WkBk by Anneliese Singh - the author created a facilitator's guide that is free with permission on her website here - a brilliant teaching assistant for anyone leading groups, classes, workshops, or working one on one with queer and trans youth: Facilitator's guide Redefining Realness by Janet Mock- This is a personal retelling and reflection on moments and scenes from her life. I think especially for trans humans who come out in their adult human years, this provides a lot of relatable material, as well as simply being an incredible story told so naturally. Sissy by Jacob Tobia - a very current, very accessible memoir from one of the most affirming and fearless voices in the NB/trans community today. "Boy Meets Girl" dir. Eric Schaeffer; starring Michelle Hendley - This movie is from 2014, but it is earnest and beautiful and the lead is in fact played by a trans woman, so her reactions and attitudes are authentic. "Disclosure" dir. Sam Feder - Trans folks and Netflix This film is all about unlearning as it explores the varied (and awful) ways trans humans have been portrayed (and otherwise misrepresented/erased) from the media since moving pictures have been around. The Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Hotline - (888) 843-4564 National Suicide Prevention Hotline - (800) 273-8255 Support the show
The KPL podcast has another wonderful author on the podcast. This week join us for an interview with Hayli Thomson author of The Comedienne's Guide to Pride. Then listen for a few other Pride month recommendations. 1. Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid2. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden3. I'm Not Hungry but I Could Eat by Christopher Gonzalez4. I Wish You All The Best by Mason Deaver5. Montague Twin's Volume 1 Witch's Hand by Nathan Page and Drew Shannon6. Montague Twin's Volume 2 Devil's Music by Nathan Page and Drew Shannon7. Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia
In the third episode of our Consent & Coercion 101 series, take our hand as we step inside the patriarchy (oh wait, we're already in it). Tune in as we discuss definitions of the patriarchy, how to spot the patriarchy in your everyday life, and how the patriarchy impacts women, non-binary/gender-diverse folk and men. If this episode brings anything up for you, you can contact 1800RESPECT or check out the support services here: https://bit.ly/3tcehNV Babes, we'd love if you could subscribe to this podcast and follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexandconsent/ Correction: When describing patriarchal masculinity, Lizzy incorrectly said 'being physically strong' is a trait of this; she meant to say 'feeling like you NEED to be physically strong to be a man'. Resources Clementine Ford, 'Boys Will Be Boys' bell hooks, 'The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love' bell hooks, 'All About Love' Jacob Tobia, 'Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story' Alok Vaid-Menon, 'Beyond the Gender Binary'
Chris Angel Murphy (they/them) is a queer, trans, and nonbinary LGBTQ+ educator and consultant living in Denver, CO, but is originally from Los Angeles, CA. They have a background in social work and LGBTQ+ community organizing. Chris Angel started LGBTQ+ community organizing as a freshman in high school back in 2001 and has been speaking and presenting on various topics ever since. They also have their own podcast, Allyship is a Verb, in which they interview LGBTQ+ community members from various lived experiences and backgrounds. In addition to all that, Chris Angel is just a great conversationalist, fearless when it comes to tackling difficult subjects with love and compassion. I loved this conversation with them, and fell wildly in love with their Best Book Ever, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky. WHAT a book! Support the Best Book Ever Podcast on Patreon Follow the Best Book Ever Podcast on Instagram or on the Best Book Ever Website Do you have a book you want to tell me about? Go HERE to apply to be a guest on the Best Book Ever Podcast. Host: Julie Strauss Website/Instagram Guest: Chris Angel Murphy Instagram /Podcast/Etsy Store/Website/Gumroad Discussed in this episode: The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky The Animorphs series The Goosebumps series by R.L. Stine Go Ask Alice by Anonymous Over the Top: A Raw Journey to Self Love by Jonathan Van Ness (Julie's note: JVN narrates the audiobook version of this book; if you aren't in love with them yet, you for sure will be after you listen to it!) The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie The Fault in Our Stars by John Green Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia Discussed in our Patreon Exclusive clip PFLAG Raising LGBTQ Allies: A Parents' Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground by Chris Tompkins (Note: Some of the above links are affiliate links, meaning I get a few bucks off your purchase at no extra expense to you. Anytime you shop for books, you can use my affiliate link on Bookshop, which also supports Indie Bookstores around the country. If you're shopping for everything else – clothes, office supplies, gluten-free pasta, couches – you can use my affiliate link for Amazon. Thank you for helping to keep the Best Book Ever Podcast in business!)
Chris Angel Murphy (they/them) is a queer, trans, and nonbinary LGBTQ+ educator and consultant living in Denver, CO, but is originally from Los Angeles, CA. They have a background in social work and LGBTQ+ community organizing. Chris Angel started LGBTQ+ community organizing as a freshman in high school back in 2001 and has been speaking and presenting on various topics ever since. They also have their own podcast, Allyship is a Verb, in which they interview LGBTQ+ community members from various lived experiences and backgrounds. In addition to all that, Chris Angel is just a great conversationalist, fearless when it comes to tackling difficult subjects with love and compassion. I loved this conversation with them, and fell wildly in love with their Best Book Ever, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky. WHAT a book! Support the Best Book Ever Podcast on Patreon Follow the Best Book Ever Podcast on Instagram or on the Best Book Ever Website Do you have a book you want to tell me about? Go HERE to apply to be a guest on the Best Book Ever Podcast. Host: Julie Strauss Website/Instagram Guest: Chris Angel Murphy Instagram /Podcast/Etsy Store/Website/Gumroad Discussed in this episode: The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky The Animorphs series The Goosebumps series by R.L. Stine Go Ask Alice by Anonymous Over the Top: A Raw Journey to Self Love by Jonathan Van Ness (Julie's note: JVN narrates the audiobook version of this book; if you aren't in love with them yet, you for sure will be after you listen to it!) The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie The Fault in Our Stars by John Green Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia Discussed in our Patreon Exclusive clip PFLAG Raising LGBTQ Allies: A Parents' Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground by Chris Tompkins (Note: Some of the above links are affiliate links, meaning I get a few bucks off your purchase at no extra expense to you. Anytime you shop for books, you can use my affiliate link on Bookshop, which also supports Indie Bookstores around the country. If you're shopping for everything else – clothes, office supplies, gluten-free pasta, couches – you can use my affiliate link for Amazon. Thank you for helping to keep the Best Book Ever Podcast in business!)
The wait is finally over. This is part two of our episode with D2 from Start the Wave, and in the second half we get a bit more introspective in how this book affected us personally. We always have a great time talking to D2, no matter the subject. After you've finished this book please join us in checking out the Start the Wave pride resource list, as it is filled with many important and incredible books. We are slowly making our way through all of them. Also follow Start the Wave on Instagram and at Startthewave.org to see all the incredibly amazing waves of positive change they are creating.As a young child in North Carolina, Jacob Tobia wasn't the wrong gender, they just had too much of the stuff. Barbies? Yes. Playing with bugs? Absolutely. Getting muddy? Please. Princess dresses? You betcha. Jacob wanted it all, but because they were "a boy," they were told they could only have the masculine half. Acting feminine labelled them "a sissy" and brought social isolation. It took Jacob years to discover that being "a sissy" isn't something to be ashamed of. It's a source of pride. Following Jacob through bullying and beauty contests, from Duke University to the United Nations to the podiums of the Methodist church--not to mention the parlors of the White House--this unforgettable memoir contains multitudes. A deeply personal story of trauma and healing, a powerful reflection on gender and self-acceptance, and a hilarious guidebook for wearing tacky clip-on earrings in today's world, Sissy guarantees you'll never think about gender--both other people's and your own--the same way again.
This week is part one of another super sized episode! Kendra and Amanda brought back D2 from Start the Wave to read and discuss the novel Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. This book is on the Start the Wave resource list so we talk more about that resource list, the purpose and the content you'll find there, as well as the first book we read but didn't record an episode about. Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob TobiaAs a young child in North Carolina, Jacob Tobia wasn't the wrong gender, they just had too much of the stuff. Barbies? Yes. Playing with bugs? Absolutely. Getting muddy? Please. Princess dresses? You betcha. Jacob wanted it all, but because they were "a boy," they were told they could only have the masculine half. Acting feminine labelled them "a sissy" and brought social isolation. It took Jacob years to discover that being "a sissy" isn't something to be ashamed of. It's a source of pride. Following Jacob through bullying and beauty contests, from Duke University to the United Nations to the podiums of the Methodist church--not to mention the parlors of the White House--this unforgettable memoir contains multitudes. A deeply personal story of trauma and healing, a powerful reflection on gender and self-acceptance, and a hilarious guidebook for wearing tacky clip-on earrings in today's world, Sissy guarantees you'll never think about gender--both other people's and your own--the same way again.Part 2 of this amazing discussion will be released in two weeks.
Welcome to our couple episode with two of our favorite partners - Casey and Mix! They've been together for over a decade, and their love story is quintessential queer college romance! We ask them both about how they met, dating, proposals, marriage, and more! We also get some insight into Mix's job as a therapist for queer and trans youth and get book recommendations from both of them for books that make them feel seen! Recommendations include The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead, A Princess in Theory by Alyssa Cole, Sissy by Jacob Tobia, Fairest by Meredith Taluson, and Save Yourself by Cameron Esposito. Make sure to follow both Casey and Mix on social media and follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @thebookstagays and our individual instagrams at @thebookadvocate and @staxsonstaxs
More than a third of Gen Zers know someone who uses gender-neutral pronouns. But the binary view of gender is still deeply ingrained in our society. For this episode of Tilted, we’re taking a close look at what it would mean to really break the gender mold. We talk to two amazing non-binary artists—Joey Soloway, creator of the hit TV series Transparent, and Jacob Tobia, actor, producer, and author of the memoir Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story—about their personal journeys with their gender identities and what we can all do to be more open and inclusive. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
In honor of Pride month, we are throwing it back to last year’s Pride podcast about gender. Dr. Emily is joined by writer, producer and author Jacob Tobia to talk about their book Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story. They clarify the differences between gender, sex, and orientation and what it means to be gender neutral. Plus, the journey we go through to find our identity – because it’s not always easy. Tobia talks about the inspiration to live as our truest selves and feel sexy & confident – no matter what turns you on! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep this show FREE: Yarlap, Good Vibrations, Adam & Eve, Magic Wand For more information about Jacob Tobia, visit: https://jacobtobia.com/ For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com
Deliciooouuussss optics. Your hosts Puno and Maceo sit down with non-binary voice-actor, producer, and author of the coming-of-gender story "Sissy"...Jacob Tobia! They'll discuss how to find the funny in every situation, like the time Puno gave herself a faux hawk after a job interview (no judgment, here).
Eric sits down with Jacob Tobia, the author of the bestselling memoir SISSY: A Coming-of-Gender Story, to discuss how we can peel the layers of gender––and have fun, too. Support the show (http://ericcervini.com)
Heads up:this episode contains some (okay, a lot) of cursing. Happy Easter, y'all, and welcome to another episode of Yass, Jesus: Quarantine Edition! On this week's show, we've got writer, producer, activist, and all-around amazing human, Jacob Tobia (they/them)! About Jacob: Jacob Tobia is an actor, writer, producer, and author of the national bestselling memoir Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story with Putnam Books at Penguin Random House. Heralded byDeadlineas an unprecedented move toward “authentic representation and inclusion,” Jacob made their television debut as the non-binary character “Double Trouble” in Netflix’s She-Ra and The Princesses of Power. From interviewing former US Presidents to giving Trevor Noah an on-air makeover onThe Daily Show, Jacob helps others embrace the full complexity of gender and own their truth, even when that truth is messy as hell. Originally from Raleigh, North Carolina, Jacob currently lives in Los Angeles. Follow Jacob: www.jacobtobia.com Instagram Twitter Facebook ____________________________ Yass, Jesus! is hosted by Danny Franzese and Azariah Southworth. Our producer is Ross Murray. Sound, music, and post production by Chris Heckman. Special thanks to Sophie Serrano, Meredith Paulley, and Sam Isfan. Yass, Jesus! is brought to you by Audity. Audity execs are Ryann Lauckner, Steve Michaels, and Jessica Bustillos. Get to know us better: Daniel Franzese https://whatsupdanny.com/ Twitter Instagram Facebook Azariah Southworth https://azariahspeaks.com/ Instagram Facebook Ross Murray The Naming Project GLAAD Twitter ____________________________ Yass, Jesus! thanks our incredible sponsor: Imperfect Foods Imperfect, delicious produce delivered to your doorstep for up to 30% less than the grocery store. Use the coupon code YASSJESUS for $10 off your first box!
Jacob Tobia is a gender-nonconforming Los Angeleno who’s on a roll. Three years ago, they landed a job as an executive assistant on the hit Amazon series "Transparent." Shortly after, Jacob released a New York Times best-selling memoir, "Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story," and secured an option from Showtime to develop a TV series inspired by their life. Jacob talks about their life journey and brings some clarity in understanding the complexity of sexual orientation, gender expression, and gender identity.
Chelsea, Caroline, and TiltedSyllogism, fans of the latest She-Ra reboot, gather to discuss their love for the show. Showrunner Noelle Stevenson on Twitter and Tumblr Broship of the Rings Noelle Stevenson video interview on kids, cartoons, and gender politics Nonbinary actor Jacob Tobia on playing NB character Double Trouble This segment was first released on December 1, 2019 in Episode 99: Christmas Cracker Music Credit Unless otherwise indicated, music is available for purchase through online retailers such as amazon.com and iTunes. Fandoms of Interest: She-Ra – Aaliyah Rose, SHE-RA AND THE PRINCESSES OF POWER: Warriors (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Theme Song) Production CreditsSegment Producer: Chelsea; Editor: Drinkingcocoa Banner Art: Fox EstacadoDistribution funded by fans! Contact Email: bored@three-patch.comWebsite: https://www.three-patch.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/threepatchpodcastSkype: threepatch.podcastTwitter: https://twitter.com/threepatchTumblr: http://threepatchpodcast.tumblr.com/ How to CiteAPABy Three Patch Productions. (2019, December 1). FOI: She-Ra Three Patch Podcast Episode 99 Christmas Cracker. Podcast segment retrieved from https://www.three-patch.com/casefiles//99-FOI-she-ra
We get into our Book of the Month, "Sissy" by Jacob Tobia. M3ss wants to move her life into the spam folder. Phoenix drinks in tribute to the Old Gods of Mimosa. Yes, we talk about T.I. Briefly. We also tease our Masturbation Episode. I Didn't Know It Was A Thing segment: hysterical literature (NSFW, obvi) Sponsors: DARK Newsletter - Sign up today for free! Also, support them on Patreon. They are doing God's work. Shades App - Download the app on iOS (Full disclosure: M3ssalina is a creative contributor to Shades, and receives compensation for her work.) Our theme music is "Wireless" by Lee Rosevere. Support their work!
Activist, producer, and author Jacob Tobia (Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story) joins Matt and Dave to talk about the complexities of sexual liberation, overcoming externally programmed desires, pushing into the nuances of trans identity, and more. Also: why gender-nonconformity is basically one big Lava Game, the power of “sissy” as a uniting label, creating spaces to heal gender-based trauma, and the dream of becoming your own phenomenon.
In this week's episode of the Geeks OUT Podcast, Kevin (@Gilligan_McJew) is joined by @JonHerzog (on Instagram) as they discuss their thoughts on the Joker movie, the final trailer for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, and celebrate Jacob Tobia joining She-Ra as a new non-binary character in This Week in Queer. This Week's Topics Include: BIG OPENING: KEVIN: Sequel to Hocus Pocus in development for Disney+ JON: VH1 orders Rupaul's Celebrity Drag Race DOWN & NERDY: KEVIN: Countdown, Jojo Rabbit, Castle Rock, Watchmen, AHS: 1984, Marauders, Something is Killing the Children JON: Joker, Parasite, Binge Mode: Star Wars STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER: New trailer for The L Word: Generation Q THIS WEEK IN QUEER: Jacob Tobia joins She-Ra as non-binary character, new trailer released CLIP OF THE WEEK: Final trailer for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker THE WEEK IN GEEK: MOVIES Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas being adapted into new movie First trailer for Bloodshot Disney+ will allow you to keep your downloads New teaser trailer for Code 8 New trailer for Antlers TV Cloak & Dagger has been canceled Adventure Time returning to HBO Max for 4 special episodes CBS gives Evil an early renewal Batwoman & Nancy Drew get full season pickups Apple TV+ orders adaptation of Isaac Asimov's Foundation starring Lee Pace Disney+ orders puppet talk show, Earth to Nedon, from Jim Henson Company COMIC BOOKS First look at Aqualad YA Graphic Novel Marvel teams with SiriusXM/Pandora for podcasts SHILF KEVIN: Regina King JON: Mike Colter
In their debut memoir, Sissy A Coming of Gender Story, Jacob Tobia joins us on the podcast for a in depth and beautiful conversation. You don't want to miss this one!Thank you for listening to Books on the Subway the Podcast presented by Gotham Podcast Studio. If you enjoy the show please leave us a Rating and written Review on iTunes so other book lovers can find us and join the community!Make sure to follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/booksonthesubway/ & Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bookssubway/ to see what book we're dropping next.Also make sure to join us for our Off the Rails Book Club! The September pick is Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Presented by the Girlboss Radio Network in partnership with Sephora Collection, #LIPSTORIES is guided by our charismatic and friendly host, Kristina Zias, who is joined by a rotating cast of guests for relaxed, fun, and honest chats about self-image and how we can all be a little more confident. Guests recount their favorite memories—from childhood to today—where they felt beautiful, powerful, or like their best selves. On episode one of #Lipstories, Jacob Tobia is a writer, producer, and author of “Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story” who is working to make the beauty industry more inclusive, one Instagram post at a time. Today, Jacob joins host Kristina Zias to talk about how beauty can be a powerful tool for self-expression, as well as a way to celebrate your identity and build confidence. Tune in to hear about the very first time Jacob put on lipstick and how they are using their platform to promote self-confidence at all costs. Follow Jacob and Kristina at: https://www.instagram.com/jacobtobia/ and https://www.instagram.com/misszias/. Keep up with the latest from Sephora Collection at: https://www.instagram.com/sc/. Keep up with all things Girlboss at: https://www.instagram.com/girlboss/
Presented by the Girlboss Radio Network in partnership with Sephora Collection, #LIPSTORIES is guided by our charismatic and friendly host, Kristina Zias, who is joined by a rotating cast of guests for relaxed, fun, and honest chats about self-image and how we can all be a little more confident. Guests recount their favorite memories—from childhood to today—where they felt beautiful, powerful, or like their best selves. On episode one of #Lipstories, Jacob Tobia is a writer, producer, and author of “Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story” who is working to make the beauty industry more inclusive, one Instagram post at a time. Today, Jacob joins host Kristina Zias to talk about how beauty can be a powerful tool for self-expression, as well as a way to celebrate your identity and build confidence. Tune in to hear about the very first time Jacob put on lipstick and how they are using their platform to promote self-confidence at all costs. Follow Jacob and Kristina at: https://www.instagram.com/jacobtobia/ and https://www.instagram.com/misszias/. Keep up with the latest from Sephora Collection at: https://www.instagram.com/sc/. Keep up with all things Girlboss at: https://www.instagram.com/girlboss/
Jacob Tobia is a writer, producer, and author of “Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story” who is working to make the beauty industry more inclusive, one Instagram post at a time. Today, Jacob joins host Kristina Zias to talk about how beauty can be a powerful tool for self-expression, as well as a way to celebrate your identity and build confidence. Tune in to hear about the very first time Jacob put on lipstick and how they are using their platform to promote self-confidence at all costs. Follow Jacob and Kristina at: https://www.instagram.com/jacobtobia/ and https://www.instagram.com/misszias/. Keep up with the latest from Sephora Collection at: https://www.instagram.com/sc/. Keep up with all things Girlboss at: https://www.instagram.com/girlboss/
What happens when we wear makeup like war paint? Best-selling author R.O. Kwon confronts 'China doll' stereotypes with eyeshadow. Then, activist Jacob Tobia flips off the gender binary with a bold lip and five o'clock shadow. Unladylike: A Field Guide to Smashing the Patriarchy and Claiming Your Space is available now, wherever books and audiobooks are sold. Signed copies are available at podswag.com/unladylike. Follow Unladylike on social @unladylikemedia. Subscribe to our newsletter at unladylike.co/newsletter. And join our Facebook group! Our Pep Talk series is available only on Stitcher Premium. Sign up today to hear episodes on embracing swimsuit season, getting ready for a wedding, breaking out of the gender binary and more! Get a month of free listening at stitcher.com/premium with code UNLADYLIKE. This episode is brought to you by Bud Light Chelada [budlight.com], Flamingo [shopflamingo.com/unladylike], ZipRecruiter [http://ziprecruiter.com/unladylike], the podcasts Uncharted: Seattle, Stuff Mom Never Told You, and the Stitcher Premium podcast Mo Mophilia. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
What happens when we wear makeup like war paint? Best-selling author R.O. Kwon confronts 'China doll' stereotypes with eyeshadow. Then, activist Jacob Tobia flips off the gender binary with a bold lip and five o'clock shadow. Unladylike: A Field Guide to Smashing the Patriarchy and Claiming Your Space is available now, wherever books and audiobooks are sold. Signed copies are available at podswag.com/unladylike. Follow Unladylike on social @unladylikemedia. Subscribe to our newsletter at unladylike.co/newsletter. And join our Facebook group! Our Pep Talk series is available only on Stitcher Premium. Sign up today to hear episodes on embracing swimsuit season, getting ready for a wedding, breaking out of the gender binary and more! Get a month of free listening at stitcher.com/premium with code UNLADYLIKE. This episode is brought to you by Bud Light Chelada [budlight.com], Flamingo [shopflamingo.com/unladylike], ZipRecruiter [http://ziprecruiter.com/unladylike], the podcasts Uncharted: Seattle, Stuff Mom Never Told You, and the Stitcher Premium podcast Mo Mophilia.
Legendary Chicanx Feminist Theorist Cherrie Moraga joins host Eric Newman to talk about her new memoir, Native Country of the Heart, which tells the story of Cherrie mother, Elvira, along with reflections on Cherrie's own life and the long history of the Mexican-American/Indigenous diaspora. Cherrie discusses how she came to write about her mother's life, her own coming into being as a Chicanx radical feminist artist and lesbian, and ends with some somber thoughts about our dire contemporary politics balanced by where she finds hope in this context. Also, Jacob Tobia, author of Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story, returns to recommend the super-hot, gender-shifting, pan-sexual Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor
Body hair! our feelings about it and our practices around it. Removing it, grooming it, loving it, hating it, keeping it. Our guest is data journalist Mona Chalabi, who’s written a lot about her relationship with the hair that grows on her bod. We also shout out Jacob Tobia’s Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story.
Legendary Chicanx Feminist Theorist Cherrie Moraga joins host Eric Newman to talk about her new memoir, Native Country of the Heart, which tells the story of Cherrie mother, Elvira, along with reflections on Cherrie's own life and the long history of the Mexican-American/Indigenous diaspora. Cherrie discusses how she came to write about her mother's life, her own coming into being as a Chicanx radical feminist artist and lesbian, and ends with some somber thoughts about our dire contemporary politics balanced by where she finds hope in this context. Also, Jacob Tobia, author of Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story, returns to recommend the super-hot, gender-shifting, pan-sexual Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor
"Sissy" author and gender-nonconforming activist Jacob Tobia describes their "gender-chill" approach to exploring gender identity via humor and a healthy sense of play. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
On today’s show, Emily is joined by writer, producer and author Jacob Tobia to talk about their book Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story. They clarify the differences between gender, sex, and orientation and what it means to be gender neutral, as well as “gender-chill.” Plus, the journey we go through to find our identity – because it’s not always easy, and inspiration to live our lives and feel sexy & confident – no matter what turns you on! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Adam & Eve, pjur, Boston Scientific, SiriusXM, Veritas Farms. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com For more info on Jacob Tobia, click HERE.
Author Jacob Tobia joins co-hosts Eric Newman and Medaya Ocher to discuss their first book, Sissy: A coming of Gender Story. In a wide-ranging conversation, Tobia talks about coming into their non-binary gender, confronting haters, and embracing the messiness of Identity. Not only is Jacob a joy to talk with, but they also give a brilliant longview on the struggles both for queer rights and also for people to live however they feel gendered in their body.
Author Jacob Tobia joins co-hosts Eric Newman and Medaya Ocher to discuss their first book, Sissy: A coming of Gender Story. In a wide-ranging conversation, Tobia talks about coming into their non-binary gender, confronting haters, and embracing the messiness of Identity. Not only is Jacob a joy to talk with, but they also give a brilliant longview on the struggles both for queer rights and also for people to live however they feel gendered in their body.
Ira, Louis, and Kara are joined by author Jacob Tobia to discuss the commercialization of Pride month and their new book, Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story. Plus, Democratic candidates need to stop going on The Breakfast Club, Trump's depressing U.K. visit, unnecessary Keanu Reeves slander, and a visit from television legend Tichina Arnold to discuss the evolving landscape of TV comedy and her new film, 'The Last Black Man in San Francisco.'
Gender nonconforming writer, producer, and performer Jacob Tobia shares their debut memoir “Sissy”. After a book tour, including an appearance on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Jacob chats with Taylor on what is means to be gender nonconforming, to be gender chill, and how to use empathy to fight hate. RESOURCES @JacobTobia Sissy
QTS EPISODE 9 SISSY: Welcome back!! This week there is not interview but instead a book review!! On Sissy by Jacob Tobia. I go over the first half of the book through chapter 4 and there are spoilers! Please feel free to follow along if you have the book and enjoy! Inquire with any books or shows or movies that you would like for me to do a review on! Just send me an email below! Credits: Host Questioningthespectrum@gmail.com Editing Credits Christina Torres - christina.rosa.torres@gmail.com Instagram information: christina.pecoraro chrissy_torres Music Information: Spotify Playlist: Lo-Fi Beats Intro/Outro song: August by Ameba - loops https://open.spotify.com/track/6WnEp9XsKFq5n88FzFT20Z?si=sx-MC8ZfS1yBMPjUefaFFA Book: Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story https://www.amazon.com/dp/073521882X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_FTiUCb7JDNW4P
Tobin realizes he’s been carrying around an insecurity since he was a teenager. — Dr. Christie Block is a Speech-Language Pathologist based in New York City. — Jacob Tobia is a writer, activist, producer, and author of the book, Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story. You can find them on Twitter and Instagram. — Henry Bae is the Creative Director and co-founder of Syro. Shaobo Han is the Director of Operations and co-founder of Syro. — Syro is a queer POC business that makes heels in all sizes for all genders. Music in this episode by Jeremy Bloom, Anamorphic Orchestra ("Taking Dark Matter Lightly"), Lee Rosevere ("Featherlight"), Axletree ("Goodnight Esme (Instrumental)"), Ultracat ("Disco High"), Juanitos ("En Croisiere"), Daedelus ("Make it Drums"), and Creo ("Place on Fire"). Theme by Alexander Overington. Support our work. Become a Nancy member today at Nancypodcast.org/donate.
For the 20th episode of Bookin', host Jason Jefferies is joined by Jacob Tobia. Jacob is a member of the Forbes 30 under 30, the out 100, a co-producer and host of Queer 2.0 on NBC News, a member of the Biden Foundation’s Advisory Council for advancing LGBTQ equality and the Clinton Initiative Honor Roll. Most recently, they are the author of Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story released by Putnam Books, a division of Penguin Random House. Copies of Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story can be purchased here.
Ronny Chieng talks universal basic income with 2020 presidential contender Andrew Yang, Dulce Sloan weighs in on bizarre police initiatives, and Jacob Tobia discusses "Sissy." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Candice speaks with author Jacob Tobia about their new book, SISSY: A COMING-OF-GENDER STORY. Originally aired on March 8th 2019
Author Jacob Tobia sits down with Cameron to discuss writing a memoir (Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story), having 300% gender, and bugs. This episode is sponsored by Candlewick Press (www.candlewick.com), True & Co. (www.trueandco.com/queery code: QUEERY), and Pact (www.wearpact.com code: QUEERY).
Sal is ready for the actual T. Devlyn is taking us all back to Pawnee. We celebrate our book giveaway of “Dugan’s Bistro and the Legend of the Bearded Lady” by Owen Keehnen! (Don’t forget the upcoming Bearded event at Unabridged Bookstore.)Our special guest JACOB TOBIA joins us to talk about faith, gender, and grandma fashion. Get your tickets now to their March 12 event at WeWork, in conversion with Imp Queen! They’ll be discussing their brand new memoir SISSY: A COMING-OF-GENDER STORY. It’s f*cking gorgeous. Please purchase.Check out more about Brave Space Alliance right here! They’re the first Black-led, trans-led LGBTQ Center located on the South Side of Chicago, and designed to create and provide affirming and culturally competent services for the entire LGBTQ community of Chicago. Brave Space Alliance was created to fill a gap in the organizing of and services to trans and gender-nonconforming people on the South and West Sides of Chicago.Follow us on Instagram and Twitter @theythempod theypodcast.com to submit content, suggestions, or if you are a Chicago pro-LGBTQ+ business interested in sponsoring the show!Music by Kevin MacLeod at incompetech.com Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
S4 E11: In this episode, meet Jacob Tobia, author of Sissy; Abby Maslin, author of Love You Hard, and Andrew Rannells, author of Too Much is Not Enough. These illuminating memoirs that explore the value of trans storytelling, a different kind of love story that’s far from a fairy tale, and the early career wins that led to a success on the stage and screen - will assure listeners that they aren’t alone in their experiences. And guess which celebrity reader one author would have chosen to make their audiobook instantly sexy. Sissy by Jacob Tobia: https://www.penguinrandomhouseaudio.com/book/566884/sissy/ Love You Hard by Abby Maslin: https://www.penguinrandomhouseaudio.com/book/572953/love-you-hard/ Too Much Is Not Enough by Andrew Rannells: https://www.penguinrandomhouseaudio.com/book/573459/too-much-is-not-enough/
This week, Liberty and Tirzah discuss The Manic Pixie Dream Boy Improvement Project, Survival Math, The Lady from the Black Lagoon, and more great books. This episode was sponsored by Libro.fm, Blinkist, and FabFitFun. Subscribe to All the Books! using RSS or iTunes and never miss a beat book. Sign up for the weekly New Books! newsletter for even more new book news. Books discussed on the show: Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid Dealing in Dreams by Lilliam Rivera A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum Real Queer America: LGBT Stories from Red States by Samantha Allen The Lady from the Black Lagoon: Hollywood Monsters and the Lost Legacy of Milicent Patrick by Mallory O'Meara The Manic Pixie Dream Boy Improvement Project by Lenore Appelhans Survival Math: Notes on an All-American Family by Mitchell Jackson Lovely War by Julie Berry What we're reading: King of Scars (King of Scars Duology) by Leigh Bardugo The Reign of the Kingfisher by T.J. Martinson More books out this week: Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls by T. Kira Madden Flashback Hotel by Ivan Vladislavic Goya: The Terrible Sublime: A Graphic Novel by El Torres and Fran Galán A Stranger Here Below: A Gideon Stoltz Mystery by Charles Fergus The Island of Sea Women by Lisa See Between the Lies by Michelle Adams Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story by Jacob Tobia Ivy Aberdeen's Letter to the World by Ashley Herring Blake Topgun: An American Story by Dan Pedersen Villanelle: No Tomorrow: The basis for Killing Eve by Luke Jennings The Wall by John Lanchester The Shadowglass (The Bone Witch) by Rin Chupeco When All Is Said by Anne Griffin When I Hit You: Or a Portrait of the Writer as a Young Wife by Meena Kandasamy The Wolf and the Watchman: A Novel by Niklas Natt och Dag She/He/They/Me: For the Sisters, Misters, and Binary Resisters by Robyn Ryle The Pioneer by Bridget Tyler Today I Am Carey by Martin L. Shoemaker The Wrong End of the Table: A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit in by Ayser Salman Star Wars Queen's Shadow by E. K. Johnston Sal and Gabi Break the Universe by Carlos Hernandez Famous Men Who Never Lived by K. Chess So Here's the Thing . . .: Notes on Growing Up, Getting Older, and Trusting Your Gut by Alyssa Mastromonaco, Lauren Oyler (Contributor) Queen Bey: A Celebration of the Power and Creativity of Beyoncé Knowles-Carter by Veronica Chambers Mr. President, How Long Must We Wait?: Alice Paul, Woodrow Wilson, and the Fight for the Right to Vote by Tina Cassidy If You’re Out There by Katy Loutzenhiser The New Me by Halle Butler The Mastermind: Drugs. Empire. Murder. Betrayal. by Evan Ratliff The Last 8 by Laura Pohl Gingerbread by Helen Oyeyemi The Parting Glass by Gina Marie Guadagnino The Salt Path: A Memoir by Raynor Winn Alice Payne Rides by Kate Heartfield Black Souls by Gioacchino Criaco, Hillary Gulley (Translator) The Age of Disenchantments: The Epic Story of Spain's Most Notorious Literary Family and the Long Shadow of the Spanish Civil War by Aaron Shulman That Good Night: Life and Medicine in the Eleventh Hour by Sunita Puri A Friend is a Gift You Give Yourself by William Boyle Call Me Evie by JP Pomare The River by Peter Heller Baby of the Family by Maura Roosevelt The Silk Road by Kathryn Davis The Volunteer by Salvatore Scibona The Stranger Diaries by Elly Griffiths An American Summer: Love and Death in Chicago by Alex Kotlowitz Instructions for a Funeral: Stories by David Means The Gardener of Eden by David Downie Little Faith by Nickolas Butler The Devil Aspect by Craig Russell The Story Prize: 15 Years of Great Short Fiction by Larry Dark and Anthony Doerr Deaf Republic: Poems by Ilya Kaminsky Labrador by Kathryn Davis We Were Rich and We Didn’t Know It: A Memoir of My Irish Boyhood by Tom Phelan The Revenge of Magic by James Riley The Last Woman in the Forest by Diane Les Becquets The Altruists: A Novel by Andrew Ridker Ancestral Night (White Space) by Elizabeth Bear You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman A Question of Holmes by Brittany Cavallaro Minutes of Glory: And Other Stories by Ngũgĩ wa Thiong'o Bending Toward Justice: The Birmingham Church Bombing that Changed the Course of Civil Rights by Doug Jones Death in Ten Minutes: The Forgotten Life of Radical Suffragette Kitty Marion by Fern Riddell The Necessary Hunger by Nina Revoyr A Student of History by Nina Revoyr King of Joy by Richard Chiem The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart by Holly Ringland Woman 99 by Greer Macallister Blood Feud by Anna Smith Allmen and the Pink Diamond by Martin Suter When Brooklyn Was Queer: A History by Hugh Ryan The Women's War by Jenna Glass Mahimata by Rati Mehrotra the mermaid's voice returns in this one by Amanda Lovelace Spies of No Country: Secret Lives at the Birth of Israel by Matti Friedman Skeleton Keys: The Secret Life of Bone by Brian Switek Smoke and Ashes: A Novel by Abir Mukherjee Out of Salem by Hal Schrieve Mitochondrial Night by Ed Bok Lee Brilliant, Brilliant, Brilliant Brilliant Brilliant by Joel Golby The Secret Wisdom of Nature: Trees, Animals, and the Extraordinary Balance of All Living Things -― Stories from Science and Observation (The Mysteries of Nature Trilogy) by Peter Wohlleben and Jane Billinghurst The Everlasting Rose (The Belles) by Dhonielle Clayton L.E.L.: The Lost Life and Scandalous Death of Letitia Elizabeth Landon, the Celebrated "Female Byron" by Lucasta Miller The Twice-Born: Life and Death on the Ganges by Aatish Taseer Infinite Detail: A Novel by Tim Maughan Ronan Boyle and the Bridge of Riddles (Ronan Boyle 1) by Thomas Lennon, John Hendrix (Illustrator) She the People: A Graphic History of Uprisings, Breakdowns, Setbacks, Revolts, and Enduring Hope on the Unfinished Road to Women's Equality by Jen Deaderick and Rita Sapunor Homeland by Fernando Aramburu, Alfred Macadam (translator) Barely Missing Everything by Matt Mendez Staff Picks: Stories (Yellow Shoe Fiction) by George Singleton and Michael Griffith City of Jasmine by Olga Grjasnowa, Katy Derbyshire (translator)
From Jacob Tobia's Methodist childhood and the hallowed halls of Duke University to the portrait-laden parlors of the White House, their new book, "Sissy," takes readers on a gender odyssey they won't soon forget. Writing with the fierce honesty, wildly irreverent humor and wrenching vulnerability that have made them a media sensation, Tobia shatters the long-held notion that people are easily sortable into "men" and "women." "Sissy" guarantees that you'll never think about gender--both other people's people's and your own--the same way again.
This week’s episode is sponsored by Scholastic. Check out the details in this week’s episode about the giveaway contest Kirkus and Scholastic are doing for young adult writer Bill Konigsberg’s latest novel, The Music of What Happens, plus our intriguing interview with Bill in this episode. And in our lead interview, we talk to Jacob Tobia. Life as a gender nonconforming person hasn’t always been easy for Jacob Tobia, but it has come with a fair heap of fabulousness. On this week’s podcast, the Los Angeles-based writer, producer, and performer joins us to discuss Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story, an incisive, sometimes fraught, often funny account of interrogating their identity and confronting gender-based trauma. Then our editors join with their top picks in books this week.
"The reality is we're not happy and fine all the time." Jacob Tobia talks about anti-femme sentiments in the queer community, how masculinity operates as a cycle of abuse, and why a person's under no obligation to share their trauma. They also talk about their new memoir, Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story. Never miss an update! Sign up for our (short!) newsletter at www.LGBTQpodcast.com Join GLAAD's growing movement to amend the U.S. constitution to provide explicit protections for women, LGBTQ people, communities of color, and those with disabilities. Click here to learn more: GLAAD.org/constitution LGBTQ&A is hosted by Jeffrey Masters and is part of The Advocate Magazine.
From the moment we are born, we are told how to act, how to dress, how to behave, and how to exist in this world. We are prescribed roles and identities based on our gender, our sexuality, our religion, our geography, the list goes on… But what if we had the courage to break out of the confines that society places us within and step into our true and authentic selves? What if we break the mold? On today’s episode of Too Much To Handle, I am joined by trans activist, Jacob Tobia, to discuss how they are breaking free from the ‘classical trans narrative,’ why gender is fun & funny, and how toxic masculinity is most detrimental to cisgender men. Jacob is a writer, producer, and author of the forthcoming memoir Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story. THIRDLOVE: Go to thirdlove.com/toomuch now to get 15% off your first purchase! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Do you do the “wallet reach”? Do you always go dutch? Do you find that splitting the check is a sign that a second date is off the table? Hosts Lindsey Stanberry and Paco De Leon talk through one single woman’s experience in the dating pool, and then hash out it all out with Jacob Tobia (author of Sissy, out March 2019).Co-Hosts: Lindsey Stanberry, @lestanberry and Paco de Leon, @thehellyeahgroup See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
We were so excited to be back in the same room as Jacob Tobia that we could barely contain our finger snaps. This author, producer, and gender-fabulous gem talked to us about pets, pencil skirts, and nail polish alongside urgent issues around gender and style politics. Far from binary, this nonconformist has compared gender to a multifaceted diamond with endless and infinite refractions and permutations, different gradations of radiance and existence. Yes. Yes. Yes. More. Please. “Any strategy for getting yourself more space, or acknowledging that others need more space even if you don't is a strategy that I support. Broadening what masculinity means, making the ‘man’ box bigger, giving men more room to move around and stay within a box...if we widen both of the boxes so much that they come together they may just fall apart on their own. There is such beauty in broadening masculinity and femininity. There's equal beauty in... pushing with all of your might against the edge of that identity from within it, and in jumping out and saying ‘I'm not in any box.’ One is a riskier position. When you're not within a box you're much more at risk of being hurt in the world and experiencing violence but pushing from within the box to broaden it is so vital.”
As the result of a meet cute at SXSW, this week’s guest, Jacob Tobia, joins Stephanie and Elizabeth for a conversation about gender in today's expanding landscape! A writer, producer, author, activist and leader in the contemporary conversation on gender, they join the show to illuminate us on the rainbow that is gender identity. Later, It's all birthday roses and adulting over here, as Elizabeth slides into 33 and Steph tells a potential lover the truth♥️ This episode is brought to you by: The Official That’s So Retrograde Closed Facebook Group; search in Facebook to join / That’s So Retrograde at Four Moons Spa, May 19; thatssoretrograde.com/events
Hey fashionist@s, On this week’s episode of Food 4 Thot, we discuss personal style. In the studio with us is writer and producer Jacob Tobia who’s been around the block before when it comes to those who judge you based on appearances. How do you define your sense of style? Do you dress gay? Can you even “dress gay?” Where does fashion end and style begin? The Thots dive in! In our new segment The Thot Seat, Jacob answers some deep-cutting questions about street harassment, modeling contracts, and why the fashion industry just doesn’t like their body. Also! In a classic game of Swipe Right Swipe Left, and they tell us how they really feel about that one Vogue cover featuring Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid. Stay sexy, Xx The Thots Learn more about your ad-choices at https://news.iheart.com/podcast-advertisers
This episodes features a LIVE conversation with Danielle, Anita Dolce Vita (dapperQ), Jacob Tobia, and Chaka Bachmann (The Defiant Femme) on how the industry can truly ungender fashion.
Nonbinary icon, Jacob Tobia talks about what they describe as the great unfinished business of their gender exploration: figuring out what it means to be desired. They talk about living in a world where people are taught to be ashamed of their desire for transfeminine people like them. Jacob also explains why they want to be sexually objectified, and why the natural complementarity to the world gives them hope for the future. Follow Jacob on Instagram here. LGBTQ&A is hosted by Jeffrey Masters. Click here to donate to his AIDS Life/Cycle ride! You can recommend a guest or let us know what you think about the show on Twitter or by emailing lgbtqashow@gmail.com More information: www.LGBTQpodcast.com
Coming out, sexual flavors and Bruno Mars weaponizing his curls, all these topics and more are covered in this premiere episode of Two Dykes and a Mic, when the ladies sit down with host of Queer 2.0, Jacob Tobia. Follow us! @TwoDykesAndAMic @McKGoodwin @RachelSafety Want to support your two favorite dyke comedian icons? Merch is out now! https://teespring.com/stores/two-dykes-and-a-mic
Welcome to the eighty-ninth episode of the Heart + Hustle podcast. We're talking to Jacob Tobia. Jacob is a genderqueer activist, writer, producer, professional speaker, and television personality. We talk to Jacob about their start in writing, their transition into media, and how they've moved from NYC to LA for a once-in-a-lifetime career opportunity to work on the show, Transparent. You can follow Jacob on Twitter at www.twitter.com/jacobtobia can be found online at http://jacobtobia.com/. For show notes and a list of everything we talked about, visit www.heartandhustlepodcast.com. Meet the hosts: Angelica Yarde (twitter.com/studio404design) and Charisma O'Keefe (twitter.com/charismaokeefe) Subscribe via Apple Podcasts (itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/heart…d1071624684?mt=2)! Follow us on Twitter twitter.com/hearthustlepod and Instagram instagram.com/heartandhustlepodcast!
How do you gender-identify? Have you truly explored your gender? This week Jacob Tobia, a leading voice for non-binary, genderqueer, and gender non-conforming people sat down and chatted the nuances of gender-fluidity. Plus, Jacob explained that gender is a step-by-step journey for all of us - including the cis community. Strap yourself in and get ready to expand your gender definition.
Jacob Tobia talks about not having to prove their gender to anyone and why describing themself as an activist is redundant. Jacob also discusses their evolving views on their own sexuality, how the bible supports queer identities, and playing handbells in church. LGBTQ&A is hosted by Jeffrey Masters. @jeffmasters1 You can recommend a guest or let us know what you think about the show on Twitter or by emailing lgbtqashow@gmail.com More information: www.LGBTQpodcast.com
#86 - Insider PR Tips with Communications Expert, Jonathan Lovitz [Podcast] Jenn T Grace: You are listening to the Personal Branding for the LGBTQ Professional Podcast, episode 86. Introduction: Welcome to the Personal Branding for the LGBTQ Professional Podcast; the podcast dedicated to helping LGBTQ professionals and business owners grow their business and careers through the power of leveraging their LGBTQ identities in their personal brand. You'll learn how to market your products and services both broadly, and within the LGBTQ community. You'll hear from incredible guests who are leveraging the power of their identity for good, as well as those who haven't yet started, and everyone in between. And now your host. She teaches straight people how to market to gay people, and gay people how to market themselves. Your professional lesbian, Jenn - with two N's - T Grace. Jenn T Grace: Well hello and welcome to episode 86 of the podcast. I am your host, Jenn (with two N's) T. Grace, and today I have another interview for you. So fortunately in the last episode, episode 85, we had a phenomenal interview with Jacob Tobia who taught us about all things genderqueer, nonbinary, non gender conforming, all kinds of just great information. So that was an awesome interview, but today I have an equally as awesome interview with Jonathan Lovitz who is the VP of External Affairs for the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. If you are a long time listener of this podcast you will know that there's certainly a theme with having a lot of folks from the NGLCC on this show. Today's interview is just fantastic because Jonathan's background is in communications and he has a ton of knowledge around personal branding. So for those of you who are listening to try to figure out how to improve, or start, or amplify your personal brand, the content that we talk about in this episode is just straight up tactical, as well as just really informative to be honest. So I'm so excited to bring today's interview with Jonathan Lovitz, and he has a lot of different ways to get in touch with him, but if you go to www.JonathanDLovitz.com, that's his personal page. And yeah I'm so excited about this interview so if you have any questions for me as a result of listening to this episode, or if you have any for him feel free to hit us up on pretty much any of the social media outlets. If you are interested in hearing more about what we talked, or looking for the links from today's episode, if you go to www.JennTGrace.com/86 for episode 86, that will give you a page with the transcript of the interview, as well as links mentioned in today's show. So without further ado, please enjoy this interview with Jonathan Lovitz. So let's start off with having you just tell the audience and the listeners a little bit about yourself, and your background, and how you became to be doing what you're doing right now. Jonathan Lovitz: Sure, well hi Jenn, and to all your listeners. I'm thrilled to be here. I'm a big fan of your work, and of your podcast, and the incredible energy you put out in the community, and really exciting to be here with you. Jenn T Grace: Thank you. Jonathan Lovitz: So I'm Jonathan Lovitz and my official title is Vice President of External Affairs of the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, which is based in Washington, but I live in New York City where I'm also the Director of our NGLCC NY affiliate because I'm a masochist. This organization is fantastic as you know, we reach every corner of the country and work with every conceivable type of LGBT and allied business, and I've known them for years. I now- actually next week celebrating one year with the organization after being a friend of NGLCC for at least the last five. My career got started in New York in a sort of bizarre twist. In my undergraduate I did what all the cool gay kids were doing and I majored in musical theatre, and also because I was a big nerd I got a dual degree in communications focusing on politics. And I'm also one of those really rare people that managed to get the job and feeder first. I graduated college and immediately booked a Broadway show that went on tour, and I went around the country for two years, and then settled in New York, and did some more theatre here, and eventually some TV work. And during that time I got picked up by LOGO, you might remember is an MTV network, it's for the LGBT community, and once upon a time it had gay news on Sundays, and I used to help anchor and do some reporting on the gay news, and then some other man on the street interview programs about LGBT issues, and that sort of thrust me into being a sort of professional homosexual in a really positive way. I would asked to come be a spokesperson at a fundraiser for great people like GLAAD, and Human Rights Campaign, and the Trevor Project, and what started off as a one month contract became a three month contract, then a nine month contract, and before I knew it, I was doing far more LGBT community engagement policy work than I was performing, and yet I never would have been able to do any of it if I hadn't been a performer first. The amount of times they threw me up in front of a teleprompter in front of a thousand people and said, "Go, raise us some money," I never would have been able to do it had I not been trained as a performer for almost a decade. And then they found out, "Oh you've also got this background in policy, and you love to write, and you want to talk about these issues to a much broader policy based audience," that's how things really get to flip into this full time professional work in advocacy, and communications, and awareness raising for LGBT issues, particularly around economics. I found it really fascinating when I would attend some of these conferences out on the street, and the NGLCC conference which I went to originally as a guest because at the time, LOGO I was hosting a dinner, and doing a live auction, sort of using the public persona to get my foot in the door. And I was really floored by the work that LGBT businesses and all the corporations were doing around the world to create equity for a community that was doing just fine building equality for themselves, and I thought that that notion was really powerful. So I was really, really thrilled when the first time I was asked to join StartOut, another LGBT organization that helps bring funding, and advice, and mentorship to brand new LGBT companies. I started off as their Communications Director, and shortly thereafter became their interim Executive Director and helped run the ship for a while. And that set me up well with all the skills that I needed to quickly learn about management, and organizational structure, and policy work that set me up well when the NGLCC came to me and said, "We'd like to build a position for you." They'd never really had a VP of External Affairs, and I think what I love most about my job is something that would probably kill most other people, that there are really no bullets underneath my title. It's a really big net that includes everything from public policy, to PR and communications, to affiliate affairs, and to engagement with the community of doing great public work like this, talking to you and your listeners about all the great ways to get involved in the community both personally and professionally. So it has been a wonderful, incredible, organic, and sometimes mind blown journey that's gotten me to where I am today, and I still can't believe I'm here this young, and it's incredible, I love every second of it. I'm really excited for everything that seems to be coming up next. Jenn T Grace: Yeah, and it's so awesome to be so young in so many ways, and to have made such a mark already because you still have your entire career ahead of you. So I feel like that's so exciting just to see what is on the horizon, especially given our political landscape these days, and all the things that are changing so rapidly, and sometimes for the positive, other times not so much, as we're experiencing right now, but I think that it seriously feels like the sky's the limit. I don't know if that's your impression these days. Jonathan Lovitz: It certainly does, and I'm actually floored, and it seems like every month something is happening where I'll speak to my mother and I'll just drop in, "Oh by the way I'm going to this meeting with so-and-so." "Wait, do you realize what you just said? You're my son that used to sing and dance, and now you're going to meetings at the White House, and making plans at the UN?" I don't entirely understand how it's all happening, but it is very much a powerful gesture and point of pride in my life that I've ended up here. I look at what I've gotten to do, and all the things that seem to be coming when people are asked to be a public servant. The work chose me, I never really sought out this career path, but when the opportunities came to speak for the community, and get involved, and raise awareness for all these issues, and still fulfill everything that I had always wanted to do about being in the public eye for things that I care about; it's really incredible that these opportunities have come my way. I'm so thankful for them, and now I'm really fortunate to be in the position to help others grow their own opportunities, and that's even more special. Jenn T Grace: Yeah it's interesting that you say that the work chose you. I find that that seems to be the case for a lot of people, myself included, where I remember when I first got involved which was back in 2006 - 2007, I didn't even know what a chamber of commerce was at that time. So and then fast forward, we all know the history. It's just insane sometimes when you're like, 'Okay I would never have predicted that this is where my life would end up,' but you know that you're there for a reason, and sometimes you have to shake yourself at the fact that, 'Oh yeah I have been in the White House.' Like it's not something that everybody gets to experience, and yet you're there on a pretty regular basis. Jonathan Lovitz: Absolutely. And a great Mark Twain quote; there are two days that stand out in your life, the day you're born and the day you realize why. And it's nice to know that it doesn't have to just be limited to one day of realization. I feel like every day helps us understand why, and a lot of it is the people, getting to know you, Jenn, and the people I get to know through this incredible network reminds me every day that we're all doing something bigger than ourselves, and that's really powerful, and it's something very exciting to know that everything we do has an impact on others, even when we don't realize it. Jenn T Grace: Yeah, absolutely. And so the podcast here is around personal branding, and I truly feel like you've done such an awesome job at personal branding from just kind of a big picture level, whether you were intentionally doing that or not. But we just saw each other in- I want to say it was the end of March, I don't even know, in Boston. And we- if you remember when we were sitting around I think having dinner, and you had said- you made some statement about pitching to the media, and just basically writing what you want to be written. Can you talk about that a little bit? Because I feel like that is such- and I don't know why, that was not my plan to discuss with you today, but it just popped in my head. Because when you said it I was like, that is so genius, why don't more people do that? Could you just kind of share a little bit about that conversation we were having and then maybe give some tips for folks who are just kind of starting out on this journey? Jonathan Lovitz: Sure. It's all about authenticity, right? It's all about knowing who you are, what you bring to the table, and what you want your legacy- whether it's a message, or whether it's your personal statement, or whatever it may be, what you want that to be, and giving people no excuses and no choice but to take that at its worth. So I think step one is really understanding who you are, what you stand for, what you care about, and what you want to do with your voice. And you don't have to be a celebrity to realize you have a voice that matters. I think that's one of the great things about something like Twitter; it's the great equalizer. A tweet from me, and a tweet from the White House, and a tweet from a Kardashian all show up with the same- the same time and the same place on your feed, it's what you choose to resonate with and amplify that helps decide whether or not that message continues out in the world. So when you and I were having that conversation about just putting out there exactly what you want, I think we were talking a little bit about press strategy and I think it's all related to knowing your voice and the value of your voice. If you're a business owner, you're a representative of an organization, you're either pitching the press, or pitching the PR company, and you want them to know what you care about. Leave as little wiggle room for interpretation as possible, give them what I always call show in a box. Which is the story, here's the headline, here's the quote I'd love you to use, here's the photo to go with it, here's the link to the video, here's all the citations of the research that go with it. I'm trying to make your life- the reporter, the PR company, whatever it may be, as easy as possible because I want you to return the favor sometime if I'm in a jam and I really need the help. It's all about relationships, and it's all about helping each other out. But reporters are busy. They're getting pitched hundreds of stories a day, and maybe only half of one percent are worth anything. And I can tell you from all the blind pitching in the world that you can do, it's the reporter that you've gotten to know by taking them out to coffee and talking to them as a human being, getting to know what matters to them as a person, that will help you when it comes time to extending sort of your personal brand to them, and saying, "I want to work with you as a partner, and help tell an important story. And sure there's a benefit to my employer, or the movement I'm working for, or whatever it may be, but it's about people helping people and telling a good story." Jenn T Grace: I feel like that applies to sales even. Jonathan Lovitz: Oh absolutely. Jenn T Grace: Just it's really- and I feel like it's becoming more and more obvious, at least in 2016, that is really is human to human interaction. One person to one person. Jonathan Lovitz: You couldn't be more right. I mean think when you're working with someone who's calling you on a sales call. They have an objective, and you in your own business, you have an objective to close that deal and meet that benchmark. You could provide all the fact sheets, and all the ROI in the world, but until you really hit a chord with someone on a truly personal level, you'll never really close that deal because it will just be transactional versus a human interaction. And if you want that sale to come back year after year, you want that relationship to continue growing, you have to have a validation that's based on human interaction, that's based on empathy, and sharing and understanding. And it may just be business development, but it's about how you as people are going to grow your respective sides of that business together. Jenn T Grace: So would you say that maybe for yourself, you have any type of- I don't know, weeding out mechanism or some way for you to understand that when you're building a relationship, whether it's with a prospective chamber member, or whether it's with a prospective reporter; do you have a way to- for lack of a better phrase, sniff out who would be the person that you should be focusing on building that relationship with? Because I think that a lot of people could spend each and every single day building relationships with the wrong people, and you want to make sure that there's a dual win to that scenario where both parties are getting something from it. Jonathan Lovitz: You know I'm a huge political nerd, so if any chance I can quote the West Wing, I will do it. And there's a great line in an episode about exactly this question. 'I need information but I'm getting the run around from all the secretaries, the agencies.' I said yeah, secretaries have agendas, policy wants to have information, and I look at that in the same way with a sales funnel or anything else. If you're dealing with a most senior person, they're accountable for a certain deliverable and a certain report. But they're not as active in the growth department and the actual interaction with other people, as likely a rowing account executive, or someone who's responsible for the day-to-day operation, because it's their job to make that person look good and that's when they help their own career. So the more we can be building relationships with people one or two rungs down the ladder to help bolster the goals and ideas of the person at the top, that's how we really build those in roads with someone who's going to be there and help us out for a long time. It's helping that junior assistant shine by helping to bring in some phenomenal new business that ultimately helps you, but helps them look like they're bringing so much value to the company. You've now got a friend for life on the inside, and that's entirely a human interaction. You've identified what it is you can do to make each other's lives better, both personally and in business. So do your research, it's incumbent upon you, do a little Googling, who's the Internet machine? Pull up the LinkedIn and find the connections of the senior people you want to be working with, and then look at their orbit, look at their Zeitgeist, odds are you're going to find someone, one or two steps removed who you share another mutual friend with, or a common interest, or a group you're both in, and use that as your point of entry. I get calls all the time from reporters saying, "We've got to get to Tim Cook, we want to talk to Tim Cook, he's the top gay CEO in the world, you've got to be able to know him." I said, "You know contrary to popular belief the gays don't all meet once a week for coffee and a handshake, we don't actually have a secret club." I guess that's what the NGLCC tries to be. Jenn T Grace: Yes. Jonathan Lovitz: What I do say is work your way up, talk to the people who have influence and pull, and get into the conversation not because you need something, but because this conversation means something to you, and that's how you have leverage to make an ask when the time is right. Jenn T Grace: It's about building internal champions. I find that the most successful client projects I work on, especially within corporations, it's always the person that's a couple of rungs down from maybe the VP who's signing off on the check. But your ultimate goal is to make that contact of yours look amazing. And the more you make them look amazing, the higher chance that that business is going to continue coming to you. Obviously if you're doing the job well to begin with, but understanding that that's an assumption that you're doing the job well. As long as you're making sure that your contact on the inside who put their neck on the line to say, 'Hey this person knows what they're doing, and they're going to do a good job,' then there's no way- at least in my opinion, that that could fail. It seems completely fool proof. Jonathan Lovitz: I think you're absolutely right. Looking at it from with my press hat on, which it's been a bulk of my day, there's a great website that a lot of us use to find out what reporters are looking for, what stories are they trying to find a lead on, and how can I help. It's called HARO, Help A Reporter Out. And I taught that to my team in DC, and I said, "As you're reading the paper, you're looking at the blog, and you're seeing a reporter talking about a really awesome issue, and even if it's not quite a fit for us, it's a fit for someone we know, and when we do a solid for somebody, that gets remembered. And we want to help the community out. There's no prize in being the most selfish in your industry. There is a big prize for being the most collaborative. Jenn T Grace: Absolutely. So going back to that particular tool- so that's definitely a tool that I've used myself, and helped clients of mine use. What would you say to somebody listening who's never heard of it for starters, what is it, www.HARO.com? It's really simple, right? Jonathan Lovitz: Yeah. Jenn T Grace: Okay so if somebody has no idea, they've never heard of this before, what would you say maybe a top one or top two tips might be for making that actually a usable or a viable tool for somebody who really just is just getting started? Jonathan Lovitz: Sure. Think of it as an eavesdropping tool. I know this may be a strange way to think of it, but think about sitting on the bus or the subway, or sitting at a restaurant and you overhear a conversation, and you know it's killing you that you could answer the question that you just heard someone at the next booth ask. 'Oh my God, I know the person that they're looking for, but I know an expert that could help them out,' and it's just killing you that you can't help. Well here's an opportunity to do that. You go to HARO, or you go to MuckRack or some of the other great places where you can connect with reporters, and they say, 'I'm looking for a personal branding expert to help me reach minority communities.' Sure I could do that. You know who could really do that is Jenn Grace. And now I recommended a friend, and they see not only am I willing to help this reporter out, I'm willing to help out colleagues of mine. And that matters, and that's something that resonates with people. Jenn T Grace: So using that example, how narrow niche do you feel somebody should try to define their brand around- their personal brand? So if we're thinking about all of the things- because I feel like there are more opportunities for me personally to take advantage of than I have time in the day. Like there's just so much opportunity these days. And I know that that's the case probably for even yourself because there are so many things that you hands down could completely and beautifully articulate some response or answer to, but it may not be directly in alignment with what you're doing. You might say, "You know what? Let me throw that to Jenn, or let me throw that to Sam, or let me throw that to somebody else." How have you been able to kind of I guess define the lane in which you like to travel in, and where those opportunities make sense to help a colleague out, so that way it does end up coming back at some point. Jonathan Lovitz: That's a great question. I think it's a matter again knowing exactly what you bring to the table, and doing your due diligence to know also what you can't bring, and what you can outsource to others. I mean it's the whole point of a supply chain, right? Is I may not be able to do it, but I know someone who can, and we can work together and build a team, and collaborate, and/or just pass off a great lead in the expectation that that's going to pay it forward the next time around. And that really starts with identifying your skillset, and in some cases being super explicit about it either on your website, or your capabilities deck, or whatever it may be and saying, "I do X, Y, Z." And you don't want to say that you are the next iteration- like Judy Garland said, "I don't need to be the second rate imitation of myself, there already is one." It's too early in the morning for a Judy Garland reference, I'm sorry, but it happens. But you don't need to say you're the Uber of community service, or I'm the seamless web of PR, whatever the comparative may be. Say, "I am the next thing. I am here to provide a unique service that you can only get from me, and if I can't do it I am connected to this massive network of-" and then list out all of the organizations you're a part of, or all the certifications you have, all of the awards you've won and say, "If I can't do it, trust me I'm a phone call away from someone who can and will get the job done." Jenn T Grace: You know what actually? An interesting thing happened to me a little bit along these lines. A couple of months ago, it was back actually in January so it was longer than I thought, I was on a sales call with a Fortune company that I won't mention their name, but we were talking about their Employee Resource Group, and how they just need to help figure out how to make their Employee Resource Group members better kind of sales advocates within the community- so within the LGBT community specifically. And she had reached out to me and I was like, "You know, I don't feel that I'm the qualified person to be having this conversation with. Employee Resource Groups are not my bailiwick but I know a couple of companies that would be perfectly suited to do this for you, but as the conversation kept going on, we were talking about exactly what they were looking for, and it ended up being exactly what I do, but I just have not specifically done it for an Employee Resource Group, but I've done it for a corporation, for a nonprofit, whatever it happens to be. But it was interesting that I started off that conversation saying, "You know what? This is totally not my thing, let me refer you to someone," and then I ended up getting the business anyway, and I think it really had to do with being very clear on what I was good at, and what I really thought my strength was, and it ended up being that it was in alignment anyway. But I feel like if I had gone into it being like, "Oh yeah I'm totally the expert on this particular subject," that I probably wouldn't have gotten the business. It was a really interesting kind of dynamic of what you were a little bit of just talking about. Jonathan Lovitz: I mean that's a great example and there's opportunity everywhere, right? And it may not be apparent in that first interaction, and that's what's the beauty of getting to know someone on a personal level first is all about. If you're constantly looking at someone with the 'what can you do for me' goggle, you'll never actually get to know them as a human being, and you'll never know what they care about, and what their broader network is, and what it is that make them tick. And then you've lost a huge opportunity to find layers of opportunity within. So start with the people, and then build the business on top of it. Jenn T Grace: Absolutely. Are you familiar with Gary Vaynerchuk to any degree? Jonathan Lovitz: No but I want you to educate me. Jenn T Grace: So he has a very confronting style I will call it, like he's just really brash, he's loud, he's in your face, straight up what you would imagine a New Yorker to be stereotyped as. Jonathan Lovitz: Hey. Jenn T Grace: You're so rough. And he has a huge online following and has for years, like millions and millions of people. And he has a book that he wrote, I think it's a couple of years old now, called 'Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook.' And his whole philosophy is you have to give, give, give, and then ask, and then keep on giving. So there has to be a far more likelihood of you giving before you're asking. Because if you just go into any scenario and you just start asking for the business, and you haven't built the relationship, people are going to be completely turned off or ignore you. But if you've been giving, and giving, and giving, when the right time to make that ask comes along they're going to be far more likely to want to do business with you because you've given them so much so far. Jonathan Lovitz: Right, absolutely right. And again, it's not that you're giving for that guaranteed return. It's that you're giving because that's in your nature and you want people to recognize that about you. Jenn T Grace: Yes and if you are coming off as like 'I'm only giving because I'm going to ask you for something in three days,' then I think anyone would see right through that. Jonathan Lovitz: We sure hope so. Jenn T Grace: Yeah, right? Okay you were talking about strengths a little bit ago. And for some reason Sally Hogshead popped in my mind in terms of really understanding your strengths. And I've been a Sally fan since 2011, and I only remember that because it's when one of her books came out, and having her at the NGLCC conference last year was legit like one of the highlights of my year because she was so amazing in person, on the stage, in the breakout, and then one-on-one. From a personal branding standpoint, I personally think that she’s truly amazing in terms of the framework that she provides to help people understand where their strengths naturally lie. What has your experience been, since I know you were at the conference obviously, what was your experience with that kind of new framework to really just understand what your brand as a person means and feels like? Jonathan Lovitz: For anyone who hasn't taken it, I highly recommend they go to her website and take the personality matrix test that she has, because it's really eye opening. And if you can, if you're a part of a team, I recommend doing it as a group. We recently did it at the NGLCC office and we now know who has what traits, and some were really shocking. There were a lot of people who possess these stealth characteristics that make them a great program manager, or even a great leader, and are sometimes so unspoken but it's nice to see it articulated in this really visual way, in a color coded way, that helps you understand where everyone fits. For me personally I was really impressed by the real clarity of the questions. It was not a super broad Myers Briggs conversation. It was really about what makes you tick, and what qualities about you make you a strong human being, whether it's for your persona life or your professional life. And the elements about who I was, as a leaders, as someone who likes to take charge, as someone who likes to be- they cleared me out, "You're a talker, you like to be the public face of what you're doing." It was nice because it's also backed up with an understanding of why; it doesn't just drop the bomb and say 'this is who you are.' It says 'because you got these five strengths behind you, that will help you succeed.' And it also outlines some of the pitfalls which is also I think a sign of a great leader and a great business person, is knowing where your shortcomings are and what you can do to actively work around them. I know I can sometimes miss the woods for the trees when I'm really down in a project I'm working on. I'm so mired in the details I forget this can be a little rough around the edges, the big picture is what matters here. And it's nice to be able to be reminded of that. And a trait of mine, and I should most importantly surround myself with great people who are my opposite so that they catch those mistakes, or that they help me execute correctly. I recently had been given some great help and some staff at the NGLCC to work on some projects, and we worked in completely opposite fashions, and it has made us stronger and more effective than we've ever been because we challenge each other. You're your own best yes man, no one needs another one. I can look in the mirror and tell myself what a great job I'm doing, I need the product to speak for it, and I need my relationships to reveal that. So as much as it's about discovering your own brand and your own skillset, allowing yourself to be self-aware enough of what you need to get the job done, the people you need to surround yourself with is just as or more so important. Jenn T Grace: Do you remember what your archetype was? Jonathan Lovitz: I knew you were going to ask. If you give me one second I can pull that up and tell you. Because I think it's such a great thing for everyone to know. Let's see, I do have that here. Jenn T Grace: I think the key is looking as she calls it the Double Trouble. So when your characteristics are doubled up on each other where you're actually acting at your worst. So something that should be making you your best, when you go to an extreme, it just makes it harder for people around you to either work with you, or take your direction, or operate. I feel like that was a really kind of eye-opening thing. Because when I was looking at mine, mine is the Maestro which is power and prestige, and it's kind of the ringleader in a lot of ways of like organizing things, and to me it's all about getting shit done. So it doesn't matter how, I will get it done. And I can see now how overbearing that could be to people on my team when they don't necessarily know what place I'm operating from. So it's a matter of being really cognisant of where your strength can actually become something that's hurtful to you. Jonathan Lovitz: I love that. So mine was the Avant Garde, and it's the person who likes to work quickly and come up with solutions, and be a leader, and if I don't like how the game is played, turn the table over and start a new game, that kind of thing. And I really do love that, but again one of my favorite parts was how it helped me identify what the opposites of that highest and best value may be, which are if I'm not perpetually challenged, I'm going to get bored and I'm going to want to walk away from a project. So being sure that everything I'm doing is new, and innovative, and that certainly served me well, and it's helped me develop unexpectedly I think in my career an entrepreneurial spirit that I didn't know I had. If you had told me ten years ago when I was first starting out as fortunately a solid working actor in New York in Broadway and television that that foundation I was laying, by building a social media platform, and building my own website, and all of those things that I thought were just helping me get a few more roles; that laid a foundation for the rest of my career because now I've converted everyone who ever knew me as a performer into someone who can help me amplify my policy work, and the LGBT stances that we take, and everything begets everything else. And so as it relates to your personal brand, making sure it's positive and flexible, it's all about you and what you want to put out there. And I think it's important for everyone to remember, and I try to teach this when I speak at a lot of universities and I try to remind young people these days you are what you tweet, far more than it used to be when it was your academic record, and your body of work. Now it's how the Internet sees you because people are going to Google you before they meet you, and you want that digital trail of breadcrumbs to lead to something positive that you're proud of, and it's never too late to course correct. So if you want to make that pivot and change your personal brand to be an expert on a certain subject, or a champion for a cause, start right now and get moving, and get help. There are lots of people who know how to do this and you can be that change you want to be. Jenn T Grace: Yeah and you have to start putting out content that reflects that, and I recently read- it was on LinkedIn and it was some ridiculous number like four out of five hiring managers, the first thing they do is Google your name or go to Facebook and look up your name. And if your profile picture is you with a beer can, chances are you're not getting the job. So it's that severe that I don't think people recognize it, and I actually was looking to hire somebody a couple of months ago, and a colleague of mine said, "My daughter is 22, she's graduating college, what you're working on I think would be in alignment with what she's interested in," and I go to her social media page and everything is her smoking pot with bongs. And it's like I'm not going to be a prude and say, "That's wrong, you can't do that," but for crying out loud, like your social image has to be more professional than that. You really can't be putting that out there, and once you put it out there, even though you think it's deleted or gone, it's still floating somewhere in the interwebs which is dangerous, especially when people are looking for- either looking for a job or just looking to grow their brand and grow their following of people. Jonathan Lovitz: I think that's absolutely right. And making yourself approachable for the things that you care about also matters. It's one thing to just drop the bomb and walk away. It's another thing to say, "I want to have a conversation." So if you're using Twitter, for example, to grow your brand, and you want to start a conversation, be prepared for there to be all sides of that conversation, and be prepared to have a- if you want people to reach you, use a Google voice number so it's anonymous. Or start a Google Hangout where you can keep yourself at an aesthetic distance. But be approachable and don't just throw a bunch of words out either and hope that it sticks. You've got to be able to back it up with passion, conviction, data when you've got it, whatever it may be, because that's also how you validate your brand. The world needs one more YouTube sensation flash in the pan like it needs a hole in the head. But what it does need is someone who's using their voice along with their fame to do something really great. Jenn T Grace: Absolutely, and I think it's important to be paying attention to sometimes maybe the more subtle cues of where your direction should be headed, because you might start off your personal brand and have- think that you have a really clear idea of what people are looking for, but once you start talking with the people you realize that, 'Oh wow, what I thought they were looking for isn't actually what they're looking for, they're actually looking for this,' and be able to make those short pivots, and not marry yourself to that original concept, of being open to different ideas and different directions. Jonathan Lovitz: Absolutely, and don't let others define your brand for you. It's your brand for a reason, and I certainly remember this well from back in my acting days. Something I don't miss is being told, "You're too this, you're too that," you're at the whim of every director and every casting person saying, "Grow your hair out, be thinner, work out more, do whatever it takes to be the next up and coming star and you're going to take over for this guy when he gets too old." I don't want to take over for him, I want to have my own path, I want to do my own thing, I don't need to replace anybody else, I want to just be Jonathan Lovitz out there. And finally I was able to find that by ironically enough just being myself. It's when I was given that opportunity to be on camera, and do the news, and interview celebrities and such as myself, and speak in my own voice, and talk about my own issues the way I cared about them, that's when I finally began to shine in the way that I didn't know I was destined to. Jenn T Grace: Yes I feel like that is probably the biggest piece of advice is to just be yourself, because when you're trying to fit the mold of what someone else is expecting of you, I feel like that's where you kind of go off the rails. And I can think back to probably 2011 maybe, and this was when I was actually running the Connecticut LGBT Chamber. For some reason I feel like I completely lost my way, and I felt like I had to be what was expected of me to be, and I completely went away from who I was. And if I look at pictures of me from 2010 and 2011, it shows how far from my original core I really was, and then in 2012 I just kind of had this epiphany one day of like, 'Screw this. I cannot continue to try to be something that I naturally don't feel like I am.' And then all throughout 2012 and 2013 I went on this whole weight loss kick, I got healthier again, and I completely re-changed everything that I was doing to just be very much in alignment with me because it's so much easier to just be you than try to be somebody that you're not. Jonathan Lovitz: I could not agree more; the best advice we could put out there in the world for people. Jenn T Grace: Yeah and especially with personal branding. So one of Sally's quotes, I'm trying to think- it's something of not trying to be others, just be more of who you are. So don't- I'm going to totally butcher it, it's like one of her best quotes. But yeah just be more of who you already are naturally rather than trying to add these characteristics or traits that are very unnatural to you. Jonathan Lovitz: I think that's absolutely right. And when you are most in tune with yourself, you're an instrument that's been primed, and ready, and destined for the spotlight. And that's when your message takes off. When you get given that microphone metaphorically or literally, and you're speaking from a place of groundedness and authenticity, that's when your message takes hold. That's definitely something Sally Hogshead before- it's messages that fail to fascinate become irrelevant, and I think that's right because what's fascinating about someone is their authenticity, not the facade. Jenn T Grace: Totally. And I feel like you are probably a living example of this as I feel like I am too. Is that I really pride myself on being the same Jenn. So whether you catch me when we're having dinner with a couple of people, whether it's at a conference, or whether we're having a one-on-one conversation or a conversation that thousands of people are listening to, I feel like I really pride myself on always being that same person, so there's never that jarring disconnect. And I feel like you are always the same person regardless of what interaction I have with you, and I would imagine that probably carries out through other people as well. Jonathan Lovitz: Well I really appreciate that, and I'll be the first to admit it wasn't always that way, and that was a major life lesson and journey for me was figuring out that's who I'm supposed to be, is myself all the time. And I definitely see this among a lot of young people, and people starting out in their careers, is trying too hard to please everybody by pivoting. That when you're in the office you're trying to please the boss, so you've got one persona versus who you are with your friends, or who you are with your family versus who you might be when you're networking with your eye on the next job, and that doesn't work. Jenn T Grace: It's exhausting. Jonathan Lovitz: It's just too exhausting, and for anyone who's ever been through the coming out experience in their professional life, they know about when you can bring your best self to your work by being who you are. Your work has never been better, in fact your whole life gets better because that lead vest comes off. So do yourself the favor and take off a couple extra layers of lead vest and just carry yourself around. Jenn T Grace: Yeah just being the same person. I just had an introduction from a colleague to a Fortune company, and it was a CMO and it's not typically a recommendation that I'd prefer written an email, but the introduction was, 'You need to meet Jenn, she's whip smart and she gets shit done.' Like that was exactly the line. And I'm like okay, this was to the CMO of a really large company, I'm not sure that that would be the natural way I would like to be introduced, but it actually is who I am, and when I had that first initial call with this particular company, it set the tone so beautifully because I- and I really even with sales calls and high people in larger companies, I'm still genuinely the same person, but it really kind of was very freeing to be like, 'You know what? This is how I was introduced, they still wanted a call with me, so I can really just kind of be who I am,' and it was just such a natural flowing conversation because of that. Even though I wouldn't necessarily want that to be the way I'm referred frequently, but it worked out so beautifully. So I think that it really kind of comes down to that authenticity, and for me having the moniker of the Professional Lesbian, that immediately weeds out people that would not even want to give me the time of day. And to me that's a great thing because I don't have to waste my time or someone else's for them to see if they even want to build a relationship with me. Jonathan Lovitz: Oh I think you're so, so right. We don't have time anymore to have to chip away and figure out what's behind the facade. Leading with yourself is the easiest way to make sure people get what they pay for, literally and figuratively. And I can't tell you the number of times in my career I thought I've gotten to know someone under a totally false pretense, and when the mask came off and I was so disappointed with the person that was really underneath, I wish I had known that from the beginning. Jenn T Grace: Yeah. Jonathan Lovitz: Because it's wasted a lot of time and energy and frustration, and I came out on the other side more aware of what I don't want in my life, which is potentially a great lesson, but again speaks to the value of your own brand and self-awareness. Be aware of what you're putting out in the world because that's what people are buying. And in a world where we all look to our Yelp reviews before we buy anything, word of mouth is your living Yelp review, and we want it to be a good one for you. Jenn T Grace: Absolutely. So I feel like we're getting already to almost 45 minutes, we've already been talking that long, and I feel like we could be talking for days because there's so much information to be had, and we both have communications degrees which is why I think it's kind of morphed into what we're talking about. But I want to ask you what is the best piece of advice that you've been given? And not even necessarily related to branding or anything like that, but just kind of in business or in life. What is it and who gave it to you? Jonathan Lovitz: Well you'll indulge me I'll have to say it's two. Jenn T Grace: Okay. Jonathan Lovitz: Because in my personal life it came from my parents when I was a teenager and really struggling with who I was personally, what I cared about versus what was expected of me as a teenage boy in the suburbs, and all the things that I was into when I was far more interested in being involved in theatre and school than I was sports and friends and all of that. And all my- and after all the time talking to school counselors, and all the stress of all of that in your teenage years; sitting down and having a good cry with my parents and them saying, "Yeah but do you like you? Good. Stick with that and that's all that matters." Jenn T Grace: That's beautiful. Jonathan Lovitz: And that has served me well in my personal life ever since. It's just thinking, 'If I'm unhappy with something, all I have to do is change it. I could sit here and rock back and forth and worry about it, or I could make it better.' Jenn T Grace: Yeah. Jonathan Lovitz: So that certainly served me in my personal life, and then in my professional life which I am so grateful as I said at the beginning of all this, very bizarrely and organically led me to such incredible experiences, it's all been because I never let a door that was closed dissuade me from a path. And anytime that there was a door, I have been told by so many friends, and colleagues and mentors, 'Build your own,' and that has always served me well. Between the idea of never letting a lack of an opportunity mean that there isn't one, just should inspire you to come up with a creative solution, and that usually leads you to lesson number two which is it's usually better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. Jenn T Grace: That's my favorite quote. Jonathan Lovitz: Yeah, get it done, wow people, and someone will help you get out of any kind if icky situation that arises with it. But it's better to have done it. Another great Sally Hogshead quote was something to the effect of the world was never changed by people who just kind of cared. Jenn T Grace: So true, especially in this work, right? Jonathan Lovitz: Yeah, exactly. And whether it's your personal business, or community service, or whatever it may be, care with all you have because you're only going to get one shot to make a difference. Jenn T Grace: I love that. I love that. I feel like we should end on that because it's so beautifully articulated. But before we actually end, how do people find you? So tell us all the different ways in which they can get a little bit of loving from you. Jonathan Lovitz: Well if they ever want to know about our professional work, and the great things we're doing to make the world a better place for LGBT people to live, and work, and thrive, get involved in www.NGLCC.org. But for me personally I have a website, www.JonathanDLovitz.com. It's a little bit under construction right now, so anyone out there with some great web skills, do feel free to get in touch. But there's my links to all my social media are there, I'm really active on Twitter, it's my favorite. @JDLovitz. I will always write back and get in touch with people if they use the email link on my website. There's no such thing as a relationship without value, so I hope to hear from everybody listening. I hope to always be a good friend and connection with you, Jenn, I think your work and energy you put out into the world is so inspiring and we need a lot more of you out there, but I'm pretty glad that there's just one Jenn Grace. Jenn T Grace: Thank you, I appreciate that. We should just start cloning ourselves and just have a little army. Wouldn't that be great? Jonathan Lovitz: Absolutely. I don't know the world needs another one of me, I think I'm- certainly my partner wouldn't want more. Jenn T Grace: I would say the same thing about my wife. Yeah I don't think she wants another one of me either. Jonathan Lovitz: Yeah. Jenn T Grace: They get the best of us, don't they? Jonathan Lovitz: They sure do, even at the worst. Jenn T Grace: For real. Alright this has been great, thank you so much for being a guest, I really appreciate it. Jonathan Lovitz: It was a real pleasure and an honor, and I hope to do it again. Thanks for all you do. Jenn T Grace: Thank you for listening to today's podcast. If there are any links from today's show that you are interested in finding, save yourself a step and head on over to www.JennTGrace.com/thepodcast. And there you will find a backlog of all of the past podcast episodes including transcripts, links to articles, reviews, books, you name it. It is all there on the website for your convenience. Additionally if you would like to get in touch with me for any reason, you can head on over to the website and click the contact form, send me a message, you can find me on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter all at JennTGrace. And as always I really appreciate you as a listener, and I highly encourage you to reach out to me whenever you can. Have a great one, and I will talk to you in the next episode.
Jenn T. Grace – Episode 85 – Jacob Tobia Shares How to Build a Personal Brand Platform with Meaning Jenn T Grace: You are listening to the Personal Branding for the LGBTQ Professional Podcast, episode 85. Introduction: Welcome to the Personal Branding for the LGBTQ Professional Podcast; the podcast dedicated to helping LGBTQ professionals and business owners grow their business and careers through the power of leveraging their LGBTQ identities in their personal brand. You'll learn how to market your products and services both broadly, and within the LGBTQ community. You'll hear from incredible guests who are leveraging the power of their identity for good, as well as those who haven't yet started, and everyone in between. And now your host. She teaches straight people how to market to gay people, and gay people how to market themselves. Your professional lesbian, Jenn - with two N's - T Grace. Jenn T Grace: Well hello and welcome to episode 85 of the Personal Branding for the LGBTQ Professional Podcast. I am your host, Jenn Grace, and today I am so excited to bring you an interview. It's been a couple of episodes since we've had an interview, and this is going to be the first of probably eight or nine to come over the next couple of months. So I'm really excited, and I'm not going to make this intro long at all, but I do want to let you know that we are talking with Jacob Tobia today who is a leading voice for genderqueer, nonbinary and gender nonconforming people. We discussed in great length what it means to be genderqueer, or gender nonconforming, and talked to some degree about the political landscape that our country is in right now. Jacob is originally from North Carolina, so we got a chance to talk a little bit about the bathroom bills in North Carolina. But what we really focused our time on was really just kind of dissecting this whole spectrum of gender, and the fact that it is a nonbinary spectrum. And I asked a lot of pointed questions and Jacob had some amazing, amazing answers to them. So I really hope that you learn something from this interview, and then also follow Jacob on social media; they're on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr, Instagram, all over the place, and the website is www.JacobTobia.com and you can get all sorts of information about them there. And yeah, so I really hope that you enjoy this interview, it was really awesome, and I will talk to you in episode 86. Thanks so much, and enjoy. Jacob Tobia: At a 30,000 foot view, I'm Jacob, I am a genderqueer writer and speaker and media person, and some would even say a personality perhaps. And I grew up in North Carolina and went to school in North Carolina, and now I live in New York City. And my sort of mission right now, and my mission probably for a good bit of my life, is just sort of getting beyond this idea that there are only two genders. Getting beyond the idea that gender is somehow this oppositional exercise, but there are only two options that you can understand yourself within. And starting to see what a world could look like that understood gender as thousands of possibilities as part of the spectrum, as it actually is. You know? And it's something that the idea of sort of like convincing the world of this feels daunting at times, but then other times I also have to remind myself that historically there have been points throughout the world, and across cultures, and across time where people already understood this. I don't think that what I'm saying is necessarily anything new in the context of like people and history. I think it's just something that in sort of the modern world that we live in, and particularly in the context of the United States, is something people need to hear again if that makes sense. Jenn T Grace: I think so. Jacob Tobia: I do a lot of different kinds of work around that from- I did like reality TV last year, I was on an episode of MTV's True Life, but I also do a lot of writing, and [Inaudible 00:04:24] and that kind of work, and then do some political organizing, and also I'm working on a book, and all that kind of stuff. So it's a broad range of things, and all that's leading towards I think the idea of gender nonconforming, and gender nonbinary folks being able to reclaim our full humanity. Jenn T Grace: So if someone's listening to this, and this is a podcast about kind of personal branding for LGBTQ professionals, and if someone's listening to this and they may not be completely entrenched in what it means to be genderqueer or nonbinary or gender nonconforming. How would you give kind of a high level overview of the best way to describe that, to get somebody who may not fully understand what you're saying to really just kind of land the plane for them? Jacob Tobia: Yeah I mean I think nonbinary gender is really brilliantly simple when you get down to it, right? Every system in nature, every system in the world that we live in has nuance and is built across a wide array of representations, right? Anytime you categorize something, there are going to be things in between the categories that you've created. Especially when you create two categories for a wide array of types of people. So I think a lot about gender like I think about color. The visible color spectrum, if you try to divide the visible color spectrum into two types of color, you're going to have a very difficult time parsing out many of the shades, and figuring out sort of where they belong. And I think what the nonbinary movement, and what genderqueer people sort of claim is that it's okay to sort of say, 'Well we have this world where we're classifying people as warm colors and cool colors, and I'm actually kind of like a yellow green.' Like I'm somewhere in the middle of that, and actually all of us are somewhere in the middle of that, and no one of us really matches the architype of this sort of general thing that we've created. So in short form, I think that's a kind of good way to explain it and a good way to conceptualize it. The idea that lumping people into two categories of gender is sloppy. People fall all over the map. Jenn T Grace: And just as you were talking I was thinking about how there have been times where my wife and I will be talking, and both trying to- because I feel like there's this stereotype that in any type of same sex relationship, that somebody is going to be the more masculine one, or somebody's going to be the more feminine one. There's just kind of the people want to put us all into these very rigid buckets, and we've had conversations before where neither of us fall in either direction to an extreme. Like we're both in this very much a gray area. So that's for us who are more enlightened to the varied spectrum, if you will. What do you say to the straight folks who may be falling in this gender spectrum somewhere, but don't even recognize that they're falling in it? Have you had audiences where you're talking to folks like this? Because I think of- if I think back to a job I had well over a decade ago, there was a woman who I worked with who everyone made this assumption that she was a lesbian, everyone did, and she was not, she was married to a man and just happened to fall on this gender expression spectrum, and everyone just assumed that that's who she was and she was hiding. So do you encounter people that need education around I guess that type of component to it as well? Am I making sense? Jacob Tobia: Yeah so I have a few reactions to that, right? I think one feeling that I have increasingly is that there's a really strong degree to which sexuality and gender identity have been conflated in pop culture that's really to the detriment of everybody, right? Because a lot of times- and I think it's really interesting when you look at sort of discourse through the nineties and early 2000's around LGBT rights, or a lot of times in that period, gay rights. A lot of things that we're talked about as anti-gay were actually anti-femme, right? Or anti a certain kind of gender expression. And they used the word gay as a sort of coverall, but like I think it's really interesting talking about this woman at your office who was more masculine and was assumed to be a lesbian. Like the adversity that she faced has probably little to do- like the primary root of the adversity she faced was that she was gender nonconforming, right? Not that she had- the perceived sexuality came secondarily to that, right? Jenn T Grace: Correct. Jacob Tobia: So I think that it's interesting when we talk about gay and lesbian folks in the context of gender diversity, and oftentimes there are deep gender issues within the community that impact some people and don't impact others because we aren't good at applying the label gender nonconforming to ourselves and others, right? Because it's interesting when you sort of said like, "Oh well how would you talk to straight folks about this?" First my gut reaction, my initial reaction was like well actually I mean how do you talk to gay folks about it? Like I actually think that in this sort of modern understanding of gay and lesbian identity, most gay and lesbian folks that I know are relatively attached to their identity as men or women. Most people who use the word gay or lesbian that I know don't dis-identify with the gender binary. Jenn T Grace: Good point. Jacob Tobia: Don't identify outside of manhood or womanhood. And so I think that there's a lot of education that we need to do within our own community around creating safer spaces for gender expression, and allowing people the ability to express themselves. So I think it's making the imperative for understanding one that only applies to heterosexual folks is really limits the scope is a way that doesn't keep the LGBT community accountable to its own prejudice, because we have a great number of prejudices baked into our community because we are a really wide diverse community, right? Like there have been masculine gay men who have been worse to me as a femme than straight men have been. Like and I think it's important to mark that, that this isn't- like gender nonconformity is not innately understood by people because they are gay or lesbian if their gender identity has always fallen within the lines. So there's sort of that thought. I know it's a complicated kind of like answer. Jenn T Grace: No I think this is great. Jacob Tobia: The other thought that I have around sort of how you talk to people who identify in a binary way about the fact that they are also on a spectrum of gender. And I think it's actually not very hard. I don't think it's rocket science to talk to people about where they fall on the gender spectrum because everyone, even people who identify as men or as women, have had moments where their gender was policed, or they've policed the gender of somebody else. And the one thing that's been really cool that I've seen involved in my work over the past year or so, I started doing more and more speaking, more and more public speaking, and talking all kinds of places. I gave a talk at Princeton Theological Seminary to a very religious audience, I've given talks to high schools and middle schools, I've given talks at colleges to radical queers, I've given talks to corporate audience; I've been talking in a lot of different types of rooms, but it's interesting because every room, no matter what the sort of political leanings of the room are, or how queer the room is or not, it's been incredible that kind of the same core message resonates with people in the same way. When I ask people, "When was a time when you were told that you were not good enough because of the way you were performing your gender. When was a time that you were told that you couldn't do something because it wasn't something that boys or girls do?" And every single person I have ever spoken to in my entire life has an answer to that question, and has a moment they remember when their gender was policed. And I think that that's where we can really think about like this is something that's fundamental to all of humanity, right? Like everyone experiences this, and it doesn't take a lot of effort to sort of mainstream the discourse because it necessarily is baked into everyone's experience. So I just got better at tapping into that and talking to people honestly about that. And probably my biggest moment of triumph in that regard was that I spoke to a high school in lower Manhattan actually, and I was talking to this group of high schoolers, and gave my whole presentation, and at the end of it I said, "I'd love to hear from some of you. Like when are moments that you have had your gender policed, or been told that your gender was not acceptable?" And it's easy I think given where we come and sort of how we talk about femininity versus masculinity culturally; it's easier for young girls to talk about ways in which their gender has been policed or their gender has limited them. I think that young women and femmes are taught from an early age to think about their gender broadly, right? I think to think about their gender as a [Inaudible 00:13:20]. Whereas I think that a lot of young boys and young men and young masculine people aren't taught to think about their gender as something other than a static entity. They're not taught to interrogate it or think about it. So in the context of a high school assembly, it's pretty easy for a girl to stand up and socially acceptable almost for a girl to stand up and say, "Oh well I was told that I couldn't play this sport because that wasn't girly enough." Or "I was told that I wasn't allowed to wear my hair a certain way because that's not what girls are supposed to do." But getting young men to stand up in front of their peers in a classroom setting and say something about how their gender has been policed is a lot harder, and one of the biggest markers of success for me, is if I can get men in the audience to talk critically about their gender, then I know that people have really heard me. And I was in this assembly, and I was talking to 150 high school students, and it was the end of the assembly and at the end of it I asked that question, and a few girls answered, and then I said, "Is there anyone who identifies as a guy who would be willing to answer this? Is there anyone who's courageous enough to step up to talk about it? I mean I've told a million examples in my life of when this has happened, but like is someone willing to talk about this in their own experience? Because I know that ya'll have been through it." And this one guy just raised his hand and he seemed to be like one of the cool kids or whatever, and he was just like, "Yeah I'm Brazilian, and in Brazilian culture guys dance a lot. And when I moved to the US, people told me that I wasn't- that it was too girly to dance the way that I dance. But like I'm going to keep dancing the way that I dance because I'm awesome." And I was just sort of like- it was a real moment for me when he felt able to speak to the ways in which the policing of masculinity had hurt him, or had sought to interfere with his authenticity. So I think that this bridge is not that hard to build, we just need to create the space for it. I think you just need to create the time and the place for people to think about these things critically. Jenn T Grace: And do you find that there are more people or even a percentage of people within the LGBTQ community that are more critical of what you're doing? Because for me personally, I find that there is a very big divide, a little bit of what you were touching on a few minutes ago, between people who identify as lesbian and gay versus even people who identify as trans. There seems to be this divide that not everyone understands each other. And then there's the argument that not everyone should be lumped under the same umbrella. So for you who this is what you're doing for a living, you are out there advocating on behalf of this particular subject, do you find that trying to move the needle within the L, G piece of the community tends to be a rough road at times? Jacob Tobia: To be frank, I generally have really positive interaction with folks who identify as lesbian. Because I think that within queer women's communities and within lesbian women's communities, there has always been kind of baked in an appreciation for gender diversity, and like you could be butch or you could be femme, and if you're a queer woman both of those are attractive positions. Like I know butch women who date other butch women, I know femme women who date other femme women, I know butches who date femmes, like I know femmes who date butches, and that is sort of baked into the experience of so many queer women that I know. And there's sort of this- I think this real freedom there in queer and lesbian women's communities that I deeply admire. I don't think that most of the queer lesbian women that I've talked to have really had any kind of deep issues with the message that I'm bringing. Because also I'm very quick to note that the message I'm bringing into the community is not really a new one. It's not a new one at all. Like gender nonconforming people have been part of the queer community since the queer community started, and will always be. I think it's just that in the context of the current LGBT movement, one that has focused for a decade now on assimilation and sort of mainstreaming our bodies and ourselves- and making ourselves palatable to the 'moveable middle.' I think that in that context we've really lost a lot of our roots. We've really lost a lot of the natural and fabulous understanding of gender diversity that queer community has always had in the interest of gaining political rights. So the people that I really have issues with are the gay men. What it really comes down to for me is just unresolved trauma. There are so many gay men out there who were just bullied mercilessly, or have felt isolated for their entire lives, and they finally get to a city where they can feel okay, and then they have a very defensive, aggressive and closed minded masculinity that when they see someone who's femme and unashamed and happy about it like I am, it can be hard. Because it's kind of like when you haven't recovered and you haven't healed, and you see someone who's done that healing, it can engender a lot of jealousy, it can bring about a lot of pain, or there's like some trauma that you just haven't coped with that you don't know how to cope with, and you're not ready for someone like me to sashay in the room and remind you of that. Jenn T Grace: Yeah. Jacob Tobia: And you know my thing is I'm kind of like- it's hard for me because I want to get angry and frustrated with cis gay men for being so exclusionary, and in the context of political worlds I do. Like I also am a queer historian in my academic community, and the sort of degree to which gay white men in particular sort of whitewashed and masculine washed the gay rights movement, and made gay something synonymous with being cisgender, and with being gender conforming, and with being two dudes in tuxes at a wedding alter. Like the way in which gay men proactively created and then recreated images of the most palatable types of gay men I think is an incredible front against our own community that like one day I think we'll be able to see in its full historical context. Right? Like I think one day we'll be able to understand the fight for marriage equality as a fight that deeply harmed so many within our community, and told so many within our community that they did not have worth or value in the quest of getting those who wanted mainstream worth or value, who had not healed from their isolation as children, who had not healed from their queer trauma, to sort of stay in a place where they didn't have to feel. I don't know, I get all heavy about it, that's where it lives, that's where these things live. And I think that the proof in the pudding is just that like if you go on any sort of dating app, if you look at any gay magazine, like what bodies are there? Who is celebrated and who is excluded? And it's not hard, you don't have to look far. One of my friends, Jamal, is currently directing a film called 'No Fats, No Femmes,' and it's all about exploring these mysteries and these lineages of white supremacy and masculine supremacy, patriarchy and body shaming within the gay community, and how we got to a place where all of those things seem to be so profoundly socially acceptable. Jenn T Grace: And they're perpetuated in advertising and marketing. Yeah I totally agree. So I am not a queer history buff in any way. I have my own experiences and I have at least my limited knowledge, but my thought now is that I should be looking into it because I feel like if we look at what marketers and advertisers are doing, or large corporations, or even big and small companies that are reaching out to the LGBT community, they're really reaching out to that one segment of the community that you were just speaking so specifically about. Where it's masculine men, white, in perfect shape, and people are like, 'Oh yeah, we're LGBT friendly, or we're welcoming of the community,' and in reality all they're really looking at are affluent gay, white men specifically who are very specific in gender conforming. So I guess maybe that's where all these marketers and advertisers originally got that thought that that's how they should do it, is from what you're describing now. Jacob Tobia: Yeah and I think the view is just so deeply myopic. Right? And this is something that even in my own work, like right now I'm working on selling a book proposal, and it's interesting because I think that a lot of people who in sort of the corporate world particularly, it's not just that they have so little imagination. It's that they've been taught for so long that these are the stories and the ways that you have to talk about being gay. And I still think using the word gay is important there, or being trans even now, I think there's starting to be some of a discourse around that, that it has to be kind of this very polished, rounded out, self-serious reverent thing. And that like the only worthwhile endeavor than to building a base within the LGBT community are tapping into the rich, white, gay men who buy vodka. Like it's sort of- I think that that's really the approach that people take in a lot of the corporate world, at least when it comes to sort of marketing. And it's interesting because I think that that actually creates this really nasty feedback loop where what we have now is we have this series of corporations that are used to telling gay men- particularly gay men what their desires are, and then gay men learn those behaviors and see those behaviors modeled by others. And then like you have this sort of feedback loop of a company says, 'Oh you want to buy a lot of vodka and fancy underwear and designer jeans, and those are the things that matter to you as a gay man. If you're going to blend in, you need to be able to deal with all of those, right? Jenn T Grace: Yes. Jacob Tobia: And then the companies say that to you, and all the magazines that you're reading like if you go to Out Magazine or Advocate or something and look at the ads. And then you internalize that as a gay person, and then create the demand for that to be advertised more. And so I think that we have this way in which the sort of marketing endeavors that have been undertaken by a lot of consumer brands aimed at the gay community specifically have created a specific kind of gay identity that is so bad for us as a group, right? And it's just funny to me because it's like when are we going to sort of disrupt that economy? Right? When are we going to say that we're not playing that game anymore? When are we going to acknowledge that there's an entire generation of young people for whom that has no resonance? There's an entire generation of young people for whom Tumblr and social justice meme, and Gender Fabulosity, and Gender Transgression, and authenticity, and power, and talking about feeling and all those things is much more relevant than any vodka ad could ever be. Jenn T Grace: Absolutely. Jacob Tobia: How do we create a broader, more expansive public face around all of that? Jenn T Grace: So when we're looking at what you're doing. So you had started off saying that you have been in corporate environments talking to people, and just kind of educating them around this stuff, and you've been in environments where it might be a middle school, high school, college. For you personally, where are you getting the most enjoyment as far as knowing that you're making a difference? Because I feel like- so my whole thing is teaching around the LGBT community kind of at large, and I also am in corporate settings as well as speaking with schools. So I have my own frame of where I think you can really make an impact, but I feel like everyone just has that 'I love talking to this particular audience because I can just see the lightbulb moment,' or whatever it happens to be. So for you, like where are you really finding that you're just completely inspired and want to keep giving of yourself, because you can see the impact happening so quickly. Jacob Tobia: Well I think there are two answers to that, right? The speaking engagements that feel most difficult are often the ones that are most rewarding, right? But the ones where I have to really sort of work where I'm sort of like dodging bullets the whole time, where I'm kind of doing a unique sort of acrobatic to make sure that my message is heard by everyone in the room. Those are definitely more challenging, and certainly aren't as comfortable, but are I think probably the most important kind of work that I do. So for example, if you start saying what is the most naturally energizing, fabulous place for me and the kind of stuff that I do? The most fabulous engagements that I do are definitely on college campuses, right? Because people are at a point in their identity in their development, they're at a point in their lives where they are ready for the kind of analysis that I'm bringing and they're energized about it, and they want to hear it, and we are moving this thing together. So those spaces are really exciting and rewarding but they're also relatively easy, right? Like I'm not scared going in to speak to a college queer straight alliance. Or a queer student union at a university. Or even like a women's studies conference. Like none of those things are particularly scary for me because I know that I'm going into really sort of friendly territory where people are not only like capable of hearing what I'm saying, but they like actively want to, right? The rooms that are a little more challenging are the corporate engagements that I do, and the primary school engagements that I do. So like talking to high schools and middle schools is definitely a unique challenge because you are constantly going back and forth between making sure that you're speaking in a way that isn't going to bother administrators, but also acknowledging that actually the students you're speaking to are way further along in their development than their administrators want to admit. Right? So learning to sort of find a way to make these complicated ideas about queer liberation, and all that stuff accessible to a really young audience in the context of being super biased by teachers and administrators. Figuring out how to do that dance takes a bit of choreography, but sometimes when you're able to pull it off it feels like more of an accomplishment because you're balancing something that's more nuanced. And I think the same thing goes for corporate spaces, right? Where you have to be able to challenge people just enough. Like there is sort of- and you have to be able to have just the right amount of the irreverence, and just the right amount of sort of outside instigator energy without sort of turning people off completely. Because the change in the corporate world matters. Also I can be transparent about the fact that corporate audiences can be a challenge because a lot of times in corporate audiences I may be speaking to an organization where a lot of their structure and what they do in the world is something that I don't- I'm not really here for all the time, right? But do I know that a lot of the bad behavior of Corporate America comes from the fact that patriarchal people with a lot of masculine trauma are running it? Absolutely. And is me being able to be there hopefully a step towards healing some of that trauma for people and creating a space where men are able to interrogate the way that masculinity has traumatized them, and think about how that's shaped their behavior and the way that they feel they must relate to the world? And then will that in turn potentially help them think about how they think masculinity has informed the way they feel they must approach business, and must approach other people, and must approach accountability, and community in the broader context? I sure hope so. It's hard to say at any point if you're really making the transformation that you want, but that challenge too is more rewarding when you're able to do it right because it is such a challenge. Jenn T Grace: Yeah. So let's go back for a second. How did you decide- because in looking at your bio, and knowing that you're from North Carolina I'm not going to not ask you about the bathroom situation at some point. However, in looking at your bio, you have a lot of places that you've worked, everything's advocacy related. At what point I guess did you realize that you had a voice that could be bigger than you, and that you had a platform that you could stand on and go in and start speaking publicly? And then also the fact that you're working on your book proposal right now. So I guess was there a specific point in time where you just knew that you almost had the obligation to bring your message to the world to help educate people around this? Jacob Tobia: I don't think that I really came into it with an understanding of obligation really. It was more that like I wanted to be able to be myself and feel good in that, and necessarily had to learn to explain that to other people. It wasn't like I sort of came about all this work necessarily selflessly. I think it's that I sort of tried to enter into the professional world, I tried to sort of like start moving, and I realized how little space there was for people like me, and I realized how hard the world was fighting to keep me in a box I guess. To keep me within sort of a safe, masculine space. And really what that did for me, was I realized look, if you ever want to sort of be able to be yourself, you're going to have to explain this to people, and you're going to have to figure out a way to do it. And you can do that in this sort of bubble, like you can explain that to a small number of people and create a safe space for yourself, and feel good in it, like build your cool queer community in New York where you can feel good, and don't worry so much about everybody else, but that never felt satisfying. I don't like the idea that I can only be accepted or heard, or affirmed, or seen, or valued in one small specific space. Like I don't like that idea at all. And so I think it was also for my own stubbornness, about being like, 'Dammit I should be able to go anywhere and speak with anyone, and be fully validated and heard and understood by them. Like that should not be something that is impossible, or should not seem difficult in the world.' And so I think that a lot of that is what really inspired me to sort of push into this advocacy work, and to take it on in a substantial way which was just a desire to get my humanity back. And a sort of unwillingness to accept a world where I'm supposed to be erased. And so I think it's necessarily gone more public because- the other thing I'm deeply committed to is when I always think about my activism, I think a lot about my younger self. I think about kids growing up in suburban or non-major urban center areas, who have a sort of culture and an understanding of gender that is informed so much by national media, and by what national media is telling them around how gender is allowed to exist. And I want to make sure that my work is able to be heard and seen in those communities, like the ones I grew up in, right? Which is why I refuse to just find my safe community in New York, and stick with that. I want to build my safe community here, and use that as the sort of strength for me to then go out into the rest of the world and really stick it to them. Jenn T Grace: So in talking about the media, what do you think those messages- at least from your vantage point, do you think that young queer LGBTQ, gender nonconforming, however we're defining that; what do you think those messages are that they're getting in those suburban areas? Especially when we look at the really heated political landscape that we're in right now, and the fact that even our Attorney General made such a profound declaration just a couple of days ago as we're recording this in May of 2016. What do you think- do you think that younger people are getting- I guess it doesn't even have to be younger people. Do you think people are getting mixed messages? Or are they getting a really kind of clear cut message that's not inclusive? What is your kind of take on that? Jacob Tobia: No I think they're definitely getting mixed messages. I think that in most of the country, MSNBC and Fox are seen as two legitimate sides of the opinion. And in that context, like what the hell are you supposed to think as a young person, or as any person, right? When both perspectives are seen as fully valid, and one is deeply transphobic and the other is deeply supportive of the trans community? I think that trans people right now are in this moment of visibility that is healing and builds awareness to some extent, but also creates as many challenges of actually living as trans, as some of the invisibility did, right? Like I think that as a community we have been flying under the radar for a long time, and now we're out in the open and that's a vulnerable position. I think that vulnerability is starting to come out, and that's what all this bathroom bill stuff is about. Like when you come out of the shadows as it were, although I would argue that trans people have never been in the shadows, but when you come into a kind of mainstream visibility there's going to be a reaction because you're putting yourself out there in a major way for the first time. Or at least for the first time in recent memory. And so I think that what's happening right now is that half of the world is telling young trans people, 'Oh there are all these role models and icons, and trans people are making progress, and you should be proud of who you are, and you should own who you are, and that's wonderful.' And then the other half of the world is telling young trans people that there's nothing to be happy about, and that they are abominations, and that they don't deserve the same rights and freedoms as everybody else. It's definitely a step forward from where we were, where most trans people prior to this were just told by everyone that their identity was an impossibility. Right? So it's better to have conflict than nothing, certainly. But I think it's also important to remember that like that conflict is real for people. It takes a lot of emotional energy to navigate, and it's not going away anytime soon. Like this is a much, much longer, more prolonged conversation, even than gay rights or LGB rights were, right? Like I think that if we think that the trans community is going to see progress at the same rate as like the sort of gay and lesbian community has, I'm not even sure about that because we're talking now about gender, and not one aspect of gender nonconformity, but about all of it. And so the other thing I think about too is I worry that right now particularly the visibility of trans people, there's only a certain kind of trans person who's very visible right now. And for the most part, the trans people who are visible are passing gender conforming trans men or trans women. And those are who are held up as sort of the icons of the community. And while I don't see gender conforming and gender nonconforming trans people as in opposition, I think that the desperate visibility that's imposed on our community gender media is a challenge that we're going to have to overcome and think about, right? And think about how do we respond to this as a community in a strategic way, not just sort of like accept that it's an inevitability and move along. Because right now the most marginalized trans people are not even close to visible. Because I think about the bathroom bills issue. Like think about whose selfies have blown up, like whose have gone viral, or who's been the big spokespeople around this bathroom bill stuff; most of the spokespeople have been passing trans folks who actually aren't in a lot of risk when they use a public restroom anymore, right? Jenn T Grace: Correct. Jacob Tobia: And the people who this bill is mostly targeting, and the people who have issues in the bathroom, and have issues in either bathroom no matter which bathroom they go into, are gender nonconforming people, genderqueer people, and lower income trans folks who cannot afford to transition in a way that 'allows' them to pass. So I think that that's kind of the conversation we need to be having in this new media landscape around trans identity, is which people in the trans community are being heard, and which people in the trans community are being silenced, and who is imposing that silence, and who is granting that visibility, and how do we engage with all this? Jenn T Grace: Yeah, how do we engage with the folks that are being silenced, and have their voices recognized? Because no one's recognizing them currently. Jacob Tobia: That's a tough question. I'm not going to act like I have all the answers at this point. Jenn T Grace: Yeah and I don't think we can compare it completely apples to apples between the L and the G of the community to the T in terms of covering and passing and all that. But I do see that there is a parallel within the L and G specifically when the conversation comes up of people who are passing as straight. So the perhaps masculine looking man, or the feminine looking woman who doesn't 'look' gay. So there is that- I feel like there's that perception that the media kind of continues to portray as well, which is also harmful. I don't think it's nearly as harmful as what's happening within the trans community, but there's definitely that happening as well. Jacob Tobia: Well it's ironic, right? Because actually what's happening now in the trans community is the same thing that the gay community did to the trans community in like the eighties and nineties and 2000's, right? The people who are gender nonconforming are being pushed to the back, and that's what's been happening in the LGBT community and the queer community for decades now, right? In the nineties, the logic was like God forbid we put a gay man with a lisp as a spokesperson of anything. Or a gay man who has like slightly more fluid wrists as a spokesperson for anything. God forbid we put an actual stone butch woman as a spokesperson for anything in our community, or ever as sort of a focus of media attention. And the same thing is true- and that was about gender conformity or gender nonconformity, right? Gender conforming gay and lesbian people were picked to sort of be the voices. They were the only voices that really 'made sense' in the time. And now we have the trans community doing the same thing to itself that was done to it by other people, where we are only preferencing the voices of gender conforming people and pushing gender conforming and passing trans people to the front of the line, and ensuring that anyone who's gender nonconforming- like God forbid you wear lipstick and have facial hair. Like we're pushing those folks to the back, and so I think the very radical proposition of genderqueer and nonbinary activists right now is just sort of refusing two things. A, refusing to be pushed out of the trans community or silenced as a member of the trans community. Like ensuring that we don't sort of have to create this world where trans is seen as trans people are trans binary people, and nonbinary genderqueer people are something else. Right? Like sort of rejecting that logic, and also just rejecting invisibility. Just refusing to be invisible and using all the tools within our power to refuse that. It's an exhausting fight, sure. Jenn T Grace: Of course. Jacob Tobia: But it's the most worthwhile fight that I've participated in in a while. Jenn T Grace: Yeah, absolutely. And where do you think- and I'm trying to figure out what the best way to phrase this would be, but where do you think the folks who are part of the trans community who have 'assimilated,' and they truly want nothing to do with the fight for equality within the trans community? So the people who are passing as gender conforming, the person that you 'would never know' that's part of the trans community, and it is the people in the media right now that you were just saying are getting the most attention when they're doing the selfies in the bathroom. It's the folks that you would just never guess. So where do you think- and those people are obviously advocating because they're taking selfies in the bathroom to prove a point. But what about- and I don't know what percentage of the trans community people would fall into in this, but I know plenty of trans people who have no desire to be labeled as such, or have any involvement in moving this equality needle, moving forward? Jacob Tobia: I mean my view about that, it's an issue of coming out. It's the same question of like, 'Oh do all gay people have the responsibility to come out?' It's that sort of same interrogation, it's just in the life cycle of a trans person you have two opportunities to be in the closet. In the story of the binary trans man or trans woman who has access to the resources necessary to transition in a way that allows them to pass. You have two choices about being in the closet. You have to come out of the closet when you decide to transition, and then you have the option to go back into it, and then sort of go stealth after you've transitioned and you are able to sort of embody the gender in a way that doesn't flag for others your trans experience. And when it comes to coming out, like I'm not going to prescribe for anybody what they should do. I'm not going to tell anybody that it's wrong to want to finally live your life and feel happy in it. But I am going to say that like we need to not kid ourselves if we act like a world in which trans people have to be invisible [Inaudible 00:42:03] after they transition. Like let's not kid ourselves and act like that's a world where we're free, right? But let's acknowledge that people have an incredible amount of hurt and pain, and sometimes after a long journey you want to rest a little bit, you're exhausted a little bit. And you know I think I do something equivalent to that, but it's on a more day to day basis, right? You know there are definitely moments when I'm just like, 'I don't have the energy for this right now. Like I'm not going to wear a dress. I kind of want to, but I'm not going to because I'm exhausted.' When I travel, I almost always wear like jeans and a tee shirt and I look like just a normal dude. Because I just don't- I'm like traveling is so exhausting already, I don't want to have to deal with TSA in a skirt, I just don't. You know? And so I have my own moments when I sort of re-assimilate in order to just like feel okay for a little bit. And so I think those moments, we're allowed to have them, they're an important part of healing actually. But for me it's about I do that so I can save my energy for a longer fight, and for bigger battles, right? Because it's like I don't need to engage in every small battle every day. I don't need to advocate and explain everything to every person who stares at me or catcalls me on the subway, or whatever, right? Like I need to save my energy for the real battles, and for the big battles that I can do. Like I need to save my energy for my activism, and my advocacy, and my broad structural work. Because if I try to fix every little thing every day, then- Jenn T Grace: You'd be exhausted. Jacob Tobia: Yeah, and I think the same thing goes for gender nonconforming or for passing trans people, right? The idea of whether or not to sort of disclose or live into the fullness of your identity is a daily decision that you have to make based on kind of like where you're at, you know? So I just don't want to moralize about it. I don't want to act like one position is this really moral high ground, and the other is somehow shameful. I think it's about us being exhausted, and I think it's about us having struggled for a very long time. Jenn T Grace: It's about finding a balance. Jacob Tobia: Yeah and sometimes just wanting a release from struggling for a little bit. You know? I'm not going condemn any trans person for how we curate our identities and think about them, because it's tough. It's tough out there. Jenn T Grace: I think that was very well put. So I know that we're getting close to an hour of recording, and I honestly feel like we could record for five days because there's so much to talk about. But one of the things in your bio on your website I thought was interesting, and I thought maybe you'd share a little bit. Is that you have worn high heels twice to the White House. I'm more curious- less about the high heels and more curious about what brought you to the White House to begin with. Jacob Tobia: So every year since the Obama Administration started, the White House has an annual LGBT pride reception that happens in June during Pride Month. And so I've been to it twice, once when I was a little baby queer in 2012. It was the year of Amendment 1 in North Carolina which was an amendment that banned all legal recognition of same sex relationships in the state, and it passed in 2012. And so the White House extended a lot of invitations to North Carolina activists who had been fighting it. And so I got to go as part of that. And I wore a big pair of like- they were black, leather five inch heels. Jenn T Grace: Jeez. Jacob Tobia: I was like if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this. Jenn T Grace: All in. Jacob Tobia: And then last time I went this past June, and that time I had a really cute pair of slingbacks that were I think only three inches. So a little bit more modest. So it was fun though. It was cool sort of like strutting around the east wing, and all that stuff. Like looking at all the pictures, and sort of being in that space, and being like as queer and as fabulous as I am. But also it's not like- that certainly doesn't- I think everyone has complicated feelings about the White House as an institution, but I think that there's been some incredible work that's been done. So it was certainly really fun to go, and they had lovely snacks. Jenn T Grace: It's all about the food, right? So if someone who's listening wants to reach out and connect with you, I know you are available on a lot of different social media outlets, but where would your preference be to have people connect with you? Jacob Tobia: If you want to reach out to me, just go to www.JacobTobia.com and there's a little contact path that you can send a request to, and we can get in touch that way. You can also email just info@jacobtobia.com and that should go too. Jenn T Grace: Perfect. Well thank you so much, I feel like this was such an enlightening interview for my audience, and I really appreciate all of the work that you're doing for the community, because we know that it's not easy day in and day out. So I feel like you're onto something amazing. Jacob Tobia: Well thank you, it was great talking with you, Jenn. Jenn T Grace: You are very welcome, I appreciate it. Thank you for listening to today's podcast. If there are any links from today's show that you are interested in finding, save yourself a step and head on over to www.JennTGrace.com/thepodcast. And there you will find a backlog of all of the past podcast episodes including transcripts, links to articles, reviews, books, you name it. It is all there on the website for your convenience. Additionally if you would like to get in touch with me for any reason, you can head on over to the website and click the contact form, send me a message, you can find me on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter all at JennTGrace. And as always I really appreciate you as a listener, and I highly encourage you to reach out to me whenever you can. Have a great one, and I will talk to you in the next episode.
#84 - Build Your Personal Brand by Learning from the Experts Jenn T Grace: You are listening to the Personal Branding for the LGBTQ Professional Podcast, episode 84. Introduction: Welcome to the Personal Branding for the LGBTQ Professional Podcast; the podcast dedicated to helping LGBTQ professionals and business owners grow their business and careers through the power of leveraging their LGBTQ identities in their personal brand. You'll learn how to market your products and services both broadly, and within the LGBTQ community. You'll hear from incredible guests who are leveraging the power of their identity for good, as well as those who haven't yet started, and everyone in between. And now your host. She teaches straight people how to market to gay people, and gay people how to market themselves. Your professional lesbian, Jenn - with two N's - T Grace. Jenn T Grace: Well hello and welcome to episode 84 of the podcast. I am your host, Jenn with two N's T. Grace, and today is going to be a much shorter episode than usual, and the reason for that is that I am in a transitionary period, if you will, of lining up a lot of interviews for you over the next coming couple of months. So at this moment I have a lot of interviews planned, but I don't have them recorded to bring to you yet. So we are in the second week of May at this point, and I have interviews lined up that will bring us all the way through the end of August. So it's going to be an action packed end of spring and into the summer, in terms of talking to really, really amazing people. So I figured in this episode, like I said it will be really short, but I want to at least give you a preview of who is to come on the podcast, so that way you can make note to tune in to one of these many guests that are going to be really awesome for you to listen to. And yeah, so let's just go through the lineup I have so far of planned recorded interviews. So I have one, two, three four, five, six, seven- so I have seven interviews planned, and it's a great mix of people doing different things, and personally branding themselves in really different and interesting ways. So I'm not going to tell you all about them, because that's going to be their job to tell you how awesome they are and what they're up to. But at least I'd love to give you a preview of who's to come. So the first, and this doesn't necessarily mean this is the order in which they will come out, but the first on my list is Jacob Tobia. So Jacob is a genderqueer advocate, writer, speaker, and artist dedicated to justice for the transgender, gender nonconforming, and LGBTQ communities. So Jacob and I were introduced to one another through a mutual friend, and just the conversations that we've had together, I've been so excited to have him on the podcast. So that will be happening soon. Also we will be having Gloria Brame who is an American Board Certified Sexologist, a writer, a sex therapist, and I believe she's still based in Georgia. So I'm excited about this one as well. She's written a lot of books and we're connected on LinkedIn, and since a lot of what I'm doing lately is helping individuals with their personal branding, but through creating a book, she's just a perfect fit to have since she's written so many things. So we'll talk to her. Also we have Jonathan Lovitz who is regularly speaking at conferences, and to the media about LGBT economic empowerment, and the vital roles that businesses play in creating equity for the LGBT community. So he's regularly commenting, or being interviewed on MSNBC, CNBC, NPR, The Advocate, Out Magazine; so he is a very strong advocate and champion for LGBT equality from a business economic level. So it's going to be really interesting to hear his thoughts on kind of the lay of the land of what we're looking at in our country today, and just all the great things of how much advancement we're making in terms of moving forward from an economic standpoint. So I'm excited to have him as well. And then we will be talking to Michaela Mendelsohn, I believe that's how she says her last name, I'm not 100%. And she is a transgender activist and the founder of the California Transgender Workplace Program. So I'm really excited to talk to her, especially having founded a workplace program, I think that's going to be really interesting. And she, like all of the others, has a strong personal brand within the space that she works in. And then we will be talking to Jag Beckford who is the founder and producer of Rainbow Fashion Week, which is tied to New York City Pride, and if I'm not mistaken, Rainbow Fashion Week has a lot of people who come to it in terms of- like you would any other type of fashion week. So this should be really interesting, and both Michaela and Jag I do not know personally, whereas the other few I know at the very least through emails, and some of them I've actually- I know much better. So these two folks came from Mona Elyafi if you remember her from- I don't even remember what episode she was on, but she was on one of the episodes quite a while ago, and she's a PR person in Los Angeles. So she sends me amazing people on a regular basis that she thinks I should connect with. So both Michaela and Jag were both great finds from Mona, so I'm really excited about that. And then we have two others to go. So we have Robbie Samuels who is a speaker and a consultant, in addition to doing a whole bunch of other things. One of his known things is the Art of the Schmooze which is an interactive fast-paced and fun training that helps hundreds of people yearly gain the confidence they need for networking, and raising their consciousness, and basically just helping them be better networkers. So I'm really excited because he's really done a good job building his personal brand, the Art of the Schmooze, and he has a podcast as well, and I think he'll be really great to talk to, especially if you're listening to this and you haven't really built your personal brand yet. So you'll be getting there but you might need a little bit of help, and you might need somebody to kind of push you out of the nest, and I feel like what Robbie will talk about will help kind of push you out of your nest if you will. And then finally, I don't want to say I'm more excited about one versus the others because I'm really excited actually about talking to all of these folks. But the last one on my list is Lindsay Felderman, and the reason I am so excited to have Lindsay as a guest- and hers will definitely be airing sometime in June would be my guess, it's probably going to be the latter half of June, and Lindsay is one of the graduates from my recent author program which is now called the Purpose Driven Authors Academy. So she and six other amazing people started working with me in February of this year, 2016, and she is the first of the seven individuals to have a book created from this program. So the program is called the Purpose Driven Authors Academy, and you can go to www.PurposeDrivenAuthorsAcademy.com, you can go to www.PurposeDrivenAuthors.com, www.PurposeDrivenAuthor.com, or you can go to my website and click on the button on the home page. So regardless of how you get there, you'll see what the program entails, and so Lindsay and six others just went through this program, and I seriously feel like a mother hen, or some kind of like mama bird who is just so excited to see her babies fly, and Lindsay is the first of seven who is having her book fly out into the world, and I cannot be happier. So her book is really- so the way she describes it is that she wrote this book because she wishes she had had this book when she was coming out. So that's kind of a good teaser of what this book is all about. And oddly enough I actually have the proof copy sitting on my desk right now. I just read it for her and made some thoughts, and changes, and just giving her a little bit of feedback which I will be recording after I'm done recording this podcast. So the Purpose Drive Authors Academy is really for a specific type of person, and I changed the title- it was actually just called Group Author Program before, which is so blah and doesn't really say much, but I still had seven amazing people come through it. And when I started to really look at the seven people who were in the group, and figure out what they were all trying to accomplish, and what they were trying to do, some of them are writing about LGBT specific stuff, some of them are writing about overcoming cancer, and overcoming obstacles, and working in the disability rights movement; so there's a big kind of spectrum of what everyone is writing about, but the commonality is that they are all so incredibly purpose-driven. So I feel like a lot of people hear the phrase of mission-driven, but purpose-driven I think is even more important. So it's great to be driven by a mission, so my mission is to help LGBT people, it's just really at the core of what I'm trying to do. But I feel like saying that I'm purpose-driven is a much better descriptor of that, because I want to help more people. So in the last- no it wasn't the last episode, it was one prior to this so it must have been episode 82, I spoke specifically about how to impact a million people, and how that's my goal, is to impact a million people. And I recognized not that long ago that my way of doing that is to help the people who are helping the people. So if we look at the seven people who were recently in this author program that ended on April 30th, all of them are people who are helping the people. They are all super purpose-driven, they are all trying to make an impact in this world, they are all trying to make a difference, they're all trying to make the world a better place, and it just gives me so much joy and excitement because of all of the authors that I've worked with in the past, most of them have had a purpose-driven component to it. So you probably remember me talking about Tony Ferraiolo, and his book, and which is called Artistic Expressions of Transgender Youth. And he and I worked really closely on that book together, and I cannot express how much joy I get knowing that every child who picks up that book, or every parent who picks up that book, that almost everyone's reaction is some form of tears. Just some form of tears, whether they're happy tears or sad tears, there's definitely tears always involved. And it just means that it's making an impact. So if I can help more people like Tony, and more people like Lindsay who's all about making an impact, and the other people in my group, then why wouldn't I, right? So I bring that up because I do have a second round of this program starting, which starts on June 6th, which is a Monday. The first class technically is on June 7th which is a Tuesday, and it really is going to be an action packed thirteen week program, as it was this first time, that really is the soup to nuts of personal branding, writing a book, and marketing the book. So it is not one dimensional where it's just here's ninety days, let's put words on a page. It's great to put words on a page, but ultimately you have to know exactly what your plan is for the book. So what is your vision? What are you trying to accomplish? If you want to write a book because you want to have best seller status, that's one type of way of going about it. Or if you want to write a book because you want to save one young person from committing suicide, that's another type of approach. And both of those goals are amazing, but you have to have a really clear strategy of how you're going to market your book, and how you're going to position it, and all that great stuff. So this program really dives deep into all of that, and also gives a good amount of spotlight time. I don't really have a good name for it, but we'll call it spotlight time where it's laser coaching. It's hey, alright we have ten minutes live in front of everybody, let's laser focus on what your particular problem is. Is it writing, are you blocked on the title, are you blocked on your outline? Whatever it happens to be. And there's a lot of that kind of built in throughout the program. So I know that when I had talked about this program, I don't think it was the last episode, it must have been episode 82 when I was talking about it, I had a handful of people actually reach out to me which is always exciting. So if you're listening to this, please reach out to me, I love hearing from you. I just had a Twitter conversation with a fellow professional lesbian the other day and I was super excited about it, who said that she listened to this. So please, always reach out to me, I know that you're probably- you're a silent participant just listening to this maybe at the gym or in the car, but I always love to hear from you, and I always try to adapt my materials to be in alignment for what you're looking for. So please, if you have any thoughts or questions, hit me up. So a couple of you have reached out to me, as I mentioned, and wanted a tentative outline if you will, of what this program entails. So I want to run through week by week, and just give you kind of a high level overview of what you can expect to see if this program is a right fit for you. So the program title is Purpose Driven Authors Academy. I can tell you that one out of the seven people in the current group- or actually the recently graduated group if you will, that one of the seven people wasn't necessarily 'purpose-driven.' Her book is around communications tips and helping people who- I'm trying to think what her tagline is. Helping smart people sound as smart as they are. It's some kind of catchy tagline like that. So hers isn't about overcoming cancer, or working with the disability rights movement, or any LGBT focus. But the value that her book is going to bring to the world is equally as important because there are a lot of people, especially corporate people, that she works with and trains on helping them sound as smart as they are, and really kind of prepping them for presentations, and all that kind of stuff. So while the title is called Purpose Driven Authors, and it certainly attracts a certain type of individual, if you're a financial advisor, or a lawyer, or a travel agent, or anyone who has a business that's looking to write a nonfiction book to help increase their business; so whether or not you're trying to use it to increase sales, or to give it away to your customers, or to use it to build your platform which is what I usually recommend, so that way you can charge more for speaking engagements. All of those things are 100% still relevant to what's covered in this course. So while I'm trying to draw in purpose-driven people, it's really my way of weeding people out, and I think I've said this in the past as far as even calling myself a professional lesbian, it really weeds out the type of individual who would want to work with me, or give me the time of day. And that just saves me time, it saves them time. So it's kind of the same thing with this purpose-driven title. So even if you don't consider yourself to be purpose-driven, I don't want the title to scare you away from considering this if you really are looking to write a book. So let me explain the course outline, and I'm just going to go week by week, and if you have questions, reach out and ask. Like I said I'm going through this lineup because I had a couple people reach out after episode 82 asking me if they could have more details. So it occurred to me that when you have thousands of people listening to something, usually only a couple of people are the ones that raise their hand and send an email. And I know I'm guilty of this too, I listen to a lot of podcasts and I've never once tweeted, never once gone on Facebook, never once reached out. But yet I love their podcasts, and I listen to every single one. So I am just as bad as the next person in terms of not following the 'call to action' on a podcast, but regardless I'm doing this because it was requested and I'm sure other people out there are interested too. We'll just go through this for a couple of minutes and then we'll get back on topic, and probably close out because again, this shouldn't be too long of an episode. So the tentative schedule begins on June 7th as I had said, and that is a Tuesday night, and it goes through August 30th which is also a Tuesday night. So each Tuesday evening at 8:30 Eastern Standard Time, we will be doing a live webinar presentation. And if for some reason you are not able to make the webinar presentations live, that's actually not too big of a deal because I do have them recorded and they are available within an hour after the session has ended, so you can certainly catch up at a later date. One of the participants in this last go-around missed the entire first month and didn't skip a beat. So she just followed along in the Facebook group, she watched the recording the next day, she was perfectly caught up to speed by the time I think the fifth or sixth week when she finally joined us, she was still completely in the loop with everyone. So it's not really a big deal if for some reason Tuesday evenings or a couple of your Tuesday evenings over the next three months are a little bit screwy. Additionally I recognize that this is in Eastern Standard Time, so if you're in the UK this would not be an ideal time either, or maybe if you're in Australia, so I know I have a good amount of Australian listeners, so I know that the timing may not be ideal. So if that's a concern of yours, please just let me know and we can certainly talk about what we could arrange to make it easier for you. So week one, which would be June 7th, and the theme of this one is vision and writing. So it's introductions, making sure everybody knows who each other are, and the group will not contain more than twenty participants. It's probably going to be closer to ten, but I have a cap at twenty. And even if I have- I already have four people ready to roll so even if it were just those four people, then I would just roll with those four people. So it really- the size doesn't matter too much, I had seven in this last group, I know that we could fit in more without it messing up the group dynamic at all, and I think the more we end up having eventually is just going to help everybody else because one of the big benefits is that we're building a community here. So the seven people who've gone through this already, they now have each other to lean on, so when they do launch their book- so when Lindsay launches her book in June, she has six other cheerleaders and me, so she's got seven people who are all going to send emails out on her behalf, going to put social media out on her behalf to say, 'Hey Lindsay wrote this book, I really believe in it, you have to check it out.' So it's almost like you get this built in cheerleading crowd for you, and built in sales force if you want to call it that too, because it's going to be- the people in your group are going to help you because they want to help you succeed. So I have a whole structure set up as well for the alumni’s as well. So we have seven alums of the current group will be helping the people who are in this next group as well when it comes to launch time. So it's kind of cool and I want to make sure that everybody really builds a relationship outside of me facilitating it, which seems to have worked this first go-around. So okay, back to the topic, introductions. And then we go through a program structure just explaining what to focus on, what the homework is going to be, things to remember kind of going forward. We'll talk about action items and how many we have to have per week to make sure we stay on schedule. We talk about having a contract with yourself. So I literally make you print out a contract with yourself and sign it and put it somewhere where it's visible, so when the going gets really rough, you know that you made this commitment to yourself, and that you'll keep on moving forward. And then talking about your vision. So what is your vision and how does that actually dovetail into writing a book. So that's week one. Week two is June 14th and the theme for that is also vision and writing; you'll see that vision and writing is the theme for the first five weeks. So week two is all about starting with the end in mind, knowing what your goals are, narrowing in on your idea. So you might have a dozen different ideas of what your book is going to be, it's a matter of like really narrowing in and picking a pony and riding that pony. Understanding how long your book should be, that's a big- that was a big kind of topic last time. And then mind mapping a book outline. My mapping is the hands down best way to figure out what should be in your book. So we go into that in a good amount of detail in the second week, but then the third week we actually do a live laser coaching for everybody on what their mind map looks like, and helping them kind of dissect it, and figure out what to keep and what to get rid of. So that's all of what week three covers. Week four ends up putting us at June 28th and it's all about writing techniques, and what to be working on while you're writing. So this is only a thirteen week program, and we want to make sure that everything that you're doing, every day that you're focused on writing in some regard, which we identify how much you should be writing based on what you want your book to look like and all that kind of stuff. But while that's happening there are a lot of other things that you should be working on at the same time, so we cover that in week four. Week five is themed vision and writing still, and this is individual spotlight. So at this point we are going into our second month together, and people are in various stages of the writing process. So in this last round I had someone who had 50,000 words written before we even started on the first day, and I had someone who didn't start writing until like the second to the last week. So if you are listening to this and you're thinking, 'Jeez I don't even have anything written yet, I have an idea but I don't really know what to do with it,' you would fit right in. So there will be somebody like yourself and then there's going to be somebody who comes to the table with a lot of words but no organization for what to do with those words. So regardless of where you are in that process, this program can totally work for you. So week six which is July 12th, it's all about marketing and personal branding, and that is understanding your personal brand, assessing your existing marketing. So we go into really deep detail on how to understand what you stand for, and I give a lot of exercises, and worksheets, and some kind of peer accountability of building your personal brand. And again, some people come to the table really clear on what their personal brand stands for, and others aren't entirely sure, or they want to transition or change the focus of their current brand. Again, regardless you'll totally fit in so it works out really well. And then week seven which is July 19th is also personal branding. So there's a lot of homework that I assign in week six, and so week seven, part of that is an update and explaining how people did, coming up with the three ways to describe yourself, and then we go into a marketing audit about and around your website and your blog if you have a blog. This is a really big one because as a writer or as somebody who's building a personal brand, your website is the most critical resource to make sure is in check. So that is covered in detail as well. And then week eight which is July 26th, it will be how to choose a title and a subtitle that work. And now this is a really fun- I think it was a really fun week within the program, because picking a title and subtitle that work is actually really hard. You might think you know your title, and then as you start talking about it, all bets are off and it's like, 'Wow I really need to change that.' So it's really interesting for sure. So week nine is August 2nd, and that is choosing a launch date, reviewing our titles and subtitles, and then how to acquire testimonials and get a forward written by somebody that you admire that would make sense to write the forward of your book. So it's very tactical, very hands on, and I should have mentioned that the theme of these weeks are all publishing logistics. So this is all the logistical stuff that is a pain in the ass, that no one tells you about before you decide to write a book, and then all of a sudden all of these things start to fall out of the sky and you have no idea what to do with them. So the whole program is just trying to make all of that overwhelm, less overwhelm. Week ten which is August 9th is also publishing and logistics. This goes into deep detail on the cover, as well as print and eBook formatting. So there's a lot of different nuance around the print and eBook formatting, and the differences, and we cover this in good detail as well. And then week eleven is more publishing and logistics, which is August 16th, and this is harkening back to your number one goal, making sure that we're staying on track here. It also goes into finding your ISBN number and your Library of Congress number. So that is a beastly pain that a lot of people overlook, so we talk about that. Pricing your- retail versus wholesale, pricing strategy and how to price yourself properly. Learning how to leverage your network of people when you come to the time of launching. Getting advanced readers lined up and ready to roll to help you when your book is finally available. And then generating buzz, which is kind of a preview for the final week. And then week twelve which brings us to August 23rd is an individual spotlight week where we go in- this is the second to the last week, everyone's nerves are a little bit on high, and we just want to make sure that everything is squared away and covered. So we'll go into detail on everyone's kind of consensus the lay of the land. And mind you each week starts off with kind of a quick check-in as well, and there's a very active Facebook group where people are asking questions, and getting answers from each other as well as me. So you never have to wait an entire week to get your question answered, but it really helps to come prepared on the Tuesday nights with your questions. And then the final week, which I was told was the most exciting week by a few of the participants in this last go-around, is marketing and your launch. So it's all well and good to have your personal brand platform built-ish and then having a book written, but if you don't know how to market or launch your book properly, it might become a paperweight and that's the last thing we want. We want your book to impact the audience in which you're serving, so we want to make sure that the launch is really carefully thought out. So in this one, it's going through kind of an inventory checklist which we cover in a previous week, and just making sure that you have all your ducks in a row for when you actually do the launch. And then ways to generate buzz. So this was also kind of previewed in week eleven and it goes into more detail as well. And then the theme of the whole thing is getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, because when you launch anything, even including this course for me, launching it, there are plenty of times where it's just uncomfortable. Like there's no two ways around it, it's just uncomfortable. So it's a matter of being okay with that and making peace with that. And then the big part of this is the ten day book launch strategy. So pre-launch, launch, and post-launch. So I know that that was a lot of information, but that is the lineup for the thirteen week Purpose Drive Authors Academy program, and I know that there's probably a ton of you that this makes perfect sense for, and I truly want to help you bring your message to the world, because I feel like it's so important and such a missed opportunity for you to be sitting on your story that could be really impacting others. So I wanted to go into detail on that because it was asked for, and because I think it's helpful for you to understand. So again if you're interested you can go to www.PurposeDrivenAuthors.com or go to my website, www.JennTGrace.com and on the left hand side there's something to the effect of Become an Author Today, or something like that. That I believe wraps up episode 84. So we're probably about 30- less than 35 minutes and these episodes are usually 45 to an hour, so it's a little bit shorter than usual. So I hope you're excited for all of the guests that I have lined up through at least the end of August, and of course I'll be working on getting other guests as well. So if you're listening to this and you think that you would be a good guest, please feel free to reach out to me. Just go to my website and you can go through the contact form, just give me a couple sentences on why you think that you would be great, and your website, and I'll go check you out and see if you'd be a good fit. But you can see that it's all about personal branding, and how to take your brand to the next level, and sometimes that has to do with writing a book, sometimes it doesn't. One other thing before I let you go, is that I am working on a new webinar which is about personal branding specifically. So I will let you know when that happens. It's going to be probably any time soon, sometime in May is my guess that I will have this webinar up and running, and it's going to be just a ton of information on some of the foundational things to be thinking about when building your personal brand. And again, a book may or may not be part of your future. But if it is, of course I have this program that I can help you with, and if it's not I have tons of free information regardless. So that is that my friends, I so greatly appreciate you continuing to listen to this podcast. I feel like I've been doing this podcast for a very long time at this point, and I genuinely, genuinely, genuinely appreciate you listening. And I love that I'm getting new listeners every day, and that some of you are reaching out to me. So even though I said I'm just as bad as anyone else, I would love to hear from you if you are listening to this for the first time, if you're looking for advice or information on anything, please let me know. I try to go out of my way to be accessible and I don't ever want to lose sight of that. So if you need something, don't be a stranger, feel free to reach out to me, and I will talk to you in episode 85 where we will have one of the guests that I mentioned. I don't know who yet, but we shall see. Thank you so much and I'll talk to you in 85. Have a great one. Thank you for listening to today's podcast. If there are any links from today's show that you are interested in finding, save yourself a step and head on over to www.JennTGrace.com/thepodcast. And there you will find a backlog of all of the past podcast episodes including transcripts, links to articles, reviews, books, you name it. It is all there on the website for your convenience. Additionally if you would like to get in touch with me for any reason, you can head on over to the website and click the contact form, send me a message, you can find me on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter all at JennTGrace. And as always I really appreciate you as a listener, and I highly encourage you to reach out to me whenever you can. Have a great one, and I will talk to you in the next episode.
Jacob Tobia, a leading LGBTQ activist, takes us through their style evolution, and we discuss what can be done to make fashion more inclusive and playful for all bodies and genders. Follow These People on Twitter: Women's Health: @womenshealthmag Jacob Tobia: @jacobtobia Caitlin Abber: @everydaycaitlin Episode Credits: Uninterrupted is produced by Caitlin Abber, with audio production by Paul Ruest at Argot Studios. Editorial and public relations support from Lisa Chudnofsky and Lindsey Benoit. Our theme music is “Bullshit” by Jen Miller.
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