Barbara Rainey's Top 10 Interviews

What are some of the practical life skills parents can help their teens develop as they anticipate leaving home for the first time? Dennis and Barbara Rainey answer that question in this podcast episode.

How Empty is Your Nest? (Part 1) - Mixed Feelings Stirred Up by the Empty NestHow Empty is Your Nest? (Part 2) - Changing RelationshipsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Mixed Feelings Stirred up by the Empty Nest Guests:                      Barbara Rainey and Susan YatesFrom the series:       How Empty Is Your Nest? (Day 1 of 2)Air date:                     August 1, 2016  Bob: There was a moment in Susan Yates' life when, as she looked at her empty nest, she started to think, “What's my purpose anymore?” Susan: I remember the day after Libby's wedding—she was the last to marry—going up to the girls' room that they'd grown up in / that they had shared their whole life. As I stood in the room, I looked around at the walls, and there were lines where the pictures had hung. There were pieces of little scraps of paper and, as I looked at these bare walls, I noticed that the closet door was ajar.   On the floor of the closet I saw a rumpled, old, blue prom dress. It seemed out of place—it was all alone / it was not needed any more. It, in a way, was out of style. As I looked at that prom dress, I thought, “That's just how I feel.” 1:00 Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, August 1st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We'll look today at the realities that begin to set in as the nest starts to empty out. Stay tuned.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. I'm just sitting here, doing the math. What's it been? It's been more than a decade, now, since you guys became empty nesters? Barbara: That's right. [Laughter] Are you going to— Bob: Are you still trying to figure it out? [Laughter] You're kind of silent there! Dennis: I told you— Barbara: I guess I'm a little slow on the math. [Laughter] Dennis: No; that's not so. No; I'm just trying to realize when it was when you and I finally determined we were empty nesters. [Laughter] Bob: So there was this process, you're saying? Dennis: I think there was. I think it took us two or three years to come out of—how many years of childbearing and child rearing? Barbara: I don't know—a lot. Dennis: Twenty-eight, I think. Barbara: I think so. Dennis: I think over twenty-eight years.  2:00 Barbara: I think so. It doesn't happen automatically. Dennis: No; I mean, it was— Barbara: It was a transition. Dennis: It was all “Hands on deck!” raising children. It took us awhile to get out of the mindset and to finally realize: “You know what? We can kind of enjoy each other now and focus on one another.” It hadn't been that we weren't doing that before; but when you're tending to children, there's no question—they drain you. Bob: Our listeners are obviously aware that your wife, Barbara Rainey, is joining us today. Good to have you here. Barbara: Thank you, Bob. Bob: We are going to be hearing a message that you and your friend, Susan Yates, did, talking about empty nest issues. But I need to start by saying we got a very nice note from one of our FamilyLife Today donors, who wrote to say: “I've been reading Barbara's empty nest book. I was encouraged to hear about your daughter, who rebelled, to find out that we are not alone. Barbara is so right—we just need to choose our words carefully and to pray, pray, pray. God is faithful and He cares about our children more than we do. Thank you.” 3:00 I imagine you've heard from a lot of folks, who have read the book, who have written you personally to say, “Thanks for capturing in this book what we've been living through and couldn't put words to.” Barbara: Yes; we've had great feedback from women who've read the book because they understand, by reading it, that we get it—because we've been there and we've felt those things—and we're trying to help them know that they're not alone. Dennis: When Barbara and Susan wrote the book, they didn't offer a “pie in the sky” type of picture of the empty nest. They painted it—flaws, blemishes, warts, and all—because it's a process that isn't necessarily neat and tidy as you raise children who become adults.  What this lady is referring to there, Bob, is—she just appreciates somebody being authentic and real. I just want to say to this donor / this partner in ministry:  “Thank you for being a part of this ministry.” You know, I was thinking, when you read that Bob—that David, when he went to war, had his mighty men. Bob: Right. 4:00 Dennis: Well, we have a group that supports this broadcast and the ministries of FamilyLife. They're not just mighty men—they're mighty men and mighty women.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: And they're mighty because they care about, I believe, the oldest institution in the world / the most powerful institution in the world. They're investing in a ministry that's bringing good to marriages and families and bringing hope to people in a culture that, frankly, is trying to undermine and do evil to families. I just want to say, “Thanks,” to those of you who are donors to FamilyLife—you're needed, you're appreciated, and God bless you and your legacy. Bob: Yes; I agree—“Thanks.”  Barbara, you and your co-author, Susan Yates, had an opportunity to speak to a number of women—I think it was in Dallas; right? Barbara: That's right. Bob: You spoke on the subject of the empty nest. This was a number of months ago, but we're going to give our listeners an opportunity to hear what you and Susan shared with those women.  5:00 We'll just dive right in. Here are Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates, talking about the issues women face as they face the empty nest. [Recording] Barbara: Susan and I have discovered, on this journey, that all of us are asking the same questions. They boil down to four questions. The first one is: “Am I the only one who feels this way?” I remember thinking that and feeling that, after my youngest left. It's a very common emotion for us in the empty nest. Most empty nesters feel that they are the only one.  One of the big ones for us / for both of us was loneliness—because the house is empty and it's quiet. We're not used to that.  Susan: Well, one of the things that we have found in talking to many women is that this season is very complex, and it's really diverse—it's just plain messy! You know, when we were mothers of young children, we went through many of the similar challenges—learning to share, back-talk, potty training—but it had sort of a beginning and an ending.  6:00 Then as we hit the teen years, we went through similar challenges; but you get to the empty nest, and it's just messier. It hits us at different times—it hit both Barbara and me at different times.  I remember when it hit me—I have a vivid picture. Our kids all married young. They graduated from college in a period of seven years, and most of them got married right after college. So, I never had a chance to really adjust to the empty nest because, as our third child was graduating from high school to go off to the university, our first child was getting married within a one-week period of time. I was overwhelmed! So it wasn't, for me, until our last daughter / one of the twins got married—our twins got married within six weeks of each other. So that was a crazy summer! [Laughter] Barbara: And they're girls! [Laughter] 7:00 Susan: Yes! I remember the day after Libby's wedding—she was the last to marry—going up to the girls' room that they'd grown up in / that they'd shared their whole life. Susie and her husband, who had been married for six weeks, were packing up the U-Haul® to empty everything else that was left in the room. As I stood in the room, I looked around at the walls; and there were lines where the pictures had hung. You know, there were pieces of little scraps of paper, but otherwise the room was bare. As that truck pulled out of the driveway, with my last child off to her new life, I just sort of dissolved into tears and crumpled on the floor.  As I looked at these bare walls, I noticed that the closet door was ajar. On the floor of the closet, I saw a rumpled, old, blue prom dress. It seemed out of place—it was all alone / it was not needed anymore—it, in a way, was out of style.  8:00 As I looked at that prom dress, I thought: “That's just how I feel. I'm not needed anymore. I'm a little out of style.” I remember just sobbing; and so, for me, that was a real “Oh, me! This really is the empty nest!” as all of my children were finally married. Well, all of us will experience different things as we hit the empty nest. As Barbara and Dennis experienced the beginnings of the empty nest, they experienced it with some real heartache. Barbara: Yes; we did. As we began the empty nest season, we were in a season of suffering as parents. One of our daughters chose to rebel—she became a prodigal. She rebelled in some pretty serious, life-altering ways. We had sort of been dealing with some of her issues through high school, and we were doing everything that we could think of to help her. It seemed like, at times, things were working; but when she hit her senior year, things really began to unravel. 9:00 We found ourselves in a really difficult season as that year progressed. She was involved with an eating disorder, and she began to experiment with alcohol and drugs. Our life, as a family, just began to spiral—it really affected us and our marriage. Here we are—entering or approaching the empty nest—we weren't there yet, but this was the way we entered our empty nest. We spent her senior year, watching other families do proms, and graduation ceremonies, and all these wonderful senior activities. We were wondering where our daughter was: “Where was she spending the night?” It was such a time of heartache and loss for us when it should be a joyous, wonderful season of life. We were in a very vulnerable place in our marriage and in our family because of this great suffering that we were experiencing.  We went through that season, and there were two things that were very important for us.  10:00  One was a small group of friends—and it was just really a couple of couples, who stood with us and prayed for us, even when we didn't know if they were praying—there were many times that we didn't even see them—but they had committed to pray for us through this difficult time in our lives.  The second thing that really got me through that season of life was God's Word. I remember I had the verse—James 1, verses 2-8—written out on a card. I taped that card to my steering wheel, and it must have been there for two or three months. When I would get in my car and something dramatic had happened or something was really weighing on my heart for my daughter, I remember driving down the street, saying that out loud, over and over again, because there was nothing else that I could hang onto.Nothing else seemed stable in my life except God's Word. Those two things really got us through. We've learned that the empty nest is a season of great change. And one of the most important things for navigating the season of the empty nest is friendships.  11:00 We've learned a lot about friendships in the last few years as we've worked on this and how important it is for us, as women, to have some good friends who can stand with us in the journey. Susan: One of the main things that we've found—as we've talked to other women and as we've been honest with each other—is how lonely we are. You know, for many of us, when we were mothers of young children, we were desperate to be with another mother of young children just so we could complete a sentence because we felt like our brain had fried. [Laughter] So we sought out other women, and we went to women's groups, and MOPS groups, and had play dates.  But then what happens, often, is you hit those teen years. You find that you put your girlfriend relationships on hold a little bit because you want to savor those years with your teenagers. Well, in our book, we talk quite a bit about this. We also give several keys to how to begin to reconnect with other girlfriends—I'm going to give you three of them. The first one is simply pray: “God, make me a good friend to others.”  12:00 Ask God to lead you to one or two other women, who would become soul sisters / who would be of encouragement to you. And then, secondly, take the first step. Actually write down a list of three to five women that you would like to get to know at a deeper level. Call them up, ask them to go for a walk, or meet you at Starbucks for coffee.  A third key is simply to be persistent. So you didn't really click with that girl you went for a walk with or you had a hard time sort of conversing at Starbucks—simply call up another one. Keep going! Keep taking the initiative. [Laughter] God, in time, will bring to you a good girlfriend. [Laughter] But it's scary; isn't it? It's scary to take that first step.  Our first question is really to give us each a little bit of relief—our first question is: “Am I the only one who feels this way?” And the answer is: “Most definitely, ‘No!'” 13:00 Barbara: The second question that is on your outline is: “What is happening to my relationships?” You know, as we enter the empty nest—and we sort of have been feeling this as our kids become teenagers—but our relationships are changing. We've learned that our marriages are in different places. My marriage was very different as we approached the empty nest than it was when we began our marriage. We were two very different people after twenty-five / thirty years than we were when we started. So the key word for this is “renegotiate.” All of us are going to have to renegotiate our relationships. First, our marriage has to be renegotiated and redefined. Secondly, our relationships with our kids have to be renegotiated and redefined because they are now becoming their own person.  Susan: You know, as Barbara mentioned, she and Dennis had adjustments as they went into this season. So did Johnny and I; but we have also discovered that most women do. Barbara: Yes. Susan: And that's one of the big things we fear.  14:00 I want to read to you just from two different scenarios that perhaps you can relate to from a chapter that we did on “How Do I Relate to My Husband Now?” These are two stories that are true.  Bess and Gary couldn't wait for the empty nest. Raising their kids had been tough. They'd had different approaches to discipline, they had struggled on a tight budget, and they'd postponed many of their dreams in order to be with their kids. Now, the last one was leaving and they felt they'd done the best they could. Finally, they were about to be free from the daily stresses of parenting. They were excited! They couldn't wait for it to be “just us” again. Shelly's situation was just the opposite—she poured her life into her kids—they had come first. Now, as the last child got ready to leave, she was scared / really scared: “I don't even feel like I know my husband. I haven't been alone with him since I was 26.  [Laughter] 15:00 “Our whole life has revolved around the kids. Now, what will we talk about at the dinner table? What we will do on weekends? I don't even know if I have the energy left to put into this relationship, and I don't know if I want to.”  Two very realistic pictures of what we face in this new season.  Well, as Johnny and I walked into the empty nest, I needed to be aware that I could put undue pressure on my husband. That's one trap I could fall in. On the other end of the spectrum, I could easily fall into this trap: “Well, now that the children are gone, he's just going to work longer at the office. He's going to take on more projects. I'll just get involved in more of the things I'm involved in. We'll just get busier and busier, and we'll pass in the night when it's convenient.” I realized that was equally as dangerous because I could become emotionally disengaged, and that would only lead to isolation.  16:00 It was really helpful to me to recognize these two extremes—but you know—not only does our marriage need to be renegotiated, but also our relationship with our adult children is going to change. Picture with me, for a moment, a seesaw. You know how, when you were little, you get on a seesaw with a friend—and part of the fun of the seesaw was one of you had to move in, who was a little bit heavier, and the lighter one had to move out so you could balance in mid-air?  Keep that picture in mind for a minute because I think, as moms, we have two tendencies as we release our adult children. On one end of the seesaw is the helicopter parent, and on the other end of the seesaw is the hands-off parent. Now, the helicopter parent is the parent that is perhaps a little too involved with her child. She's on the phone: “Did you get to class on time?” “What are you going to wear?” and  “What are your plans for the weekend?” and “Oh, are you eating right?” and “Tell me who your friends are.”  17:00 The child may be on the phone, throughout the day, dumping on mom, which gets mom all upset. Five minutes after the child has dumped, she's fine; and mom is leveled for the rest of the day. [Laughter] It's very easy for us to micro-manage our children from a distance. That's the role of the helicopter parent.  The hands-off parent, on the other hand, is one that says: “Out of sight / out of mind,”—sort of: “I've raised this child to be independent. They need to know that I have confidence in them. I am not going to call them.” As a friend of mine, who just sent her first off to college this year, said, “We're not allowed to call him for the first three weeks.” Now, she is a chronic hands-off parent—doesn't know his class schedule, doesn't know who his friends are, and wants to give him space so that he can become his own man.  18:00 Let me quickly say that both the helicopter parent and the hands-off parent love their child / they want that child to be secure. So, in our book, we talk in greater detail about these two tendencies and give several practical helps on how you can seek to balance that seesaw.  So our first two questions are: “What is happening to me? Am I the only one who feels this way?” and secondly, “What is happening to my relationships?” Barbara: Yes, there are two words that I want you to remember. The first one is, “intentional.” Become intentional in your marriage relationship and in key friendships. The second word that's key is “flexible.” Become flexible in your relationship with your children because it's changing. You need to adjust to what your child needs and to find out the best way to relate to your child. So become intentional and become flexible. 19:00 [Studio] Bob: Well, we've been listening to Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates addressing a number of moms—most of whom either were just into the empty nest or headed in that direction. I imagine you saw a lot of heads nodding as you spoke that night. Do you remember that? Barbara: Yes; we did. We got some great feedback. But the story that I remember the most was a young Asian woman, who came up. I could tell by looking at her she wasn't an empty nester. I started talking to her, and she's got three young kids. She said, “I wanted to come hear what you had to say and get your book because I want to understand what my mom's going through.” I was just so taken aback that this young woman cared enough about her mother to want to understand where her mother was in life. I was so impressed / I still am impressed that she was willing to do that because she was the only one in there who wasn't an empty nester or about to be. Most of the women had teenagers or kids who were already gone—so I was impressed. 20:00 Dennis: I'll never forget when we were meeting together with some of our friends—all ladies about the same age—and we asked them, “Okay, tell us the most important things— Barbara: Oh, yes. We were about to go in the empty nest, and these women were all ahead of us—they and their husbands; yes. Dennis: Yes; and there were these blank looks on their faces: “We haven't talked about it.”  Barbara: “We haven't learned anything.” Dennis: “What do you mean you and Dennis are talking about it? What are you learning?” So it just points out the need that husbands and wives really need to own this and talk about it together.  Bob: In fact, at the end of each chapter in the book, you've got questions. One of the questions, at the end of Chapter 5, is: “Set aside a date to begin discussing your expectations of each other in this new season. Also, plan for some times of fun for just the two of you; and if you're highly motivated, begin to talk together about your vision for the future—about what mission you might want to work on, as a couple.”   You really are, in this book—you and Susan together—mentoring women as they approach the onset of the empty nest and as they enter in to those early years— 21:00 —because this is a significant life transition for somebody, who for at least / almost two decades, has been functioning in the role of mother. Now, that part of her job is about to change in a pretty dramatic way.  And we've got copies of the book, Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest, in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. If you know somebody who is about to enter that season—maybe it's you or maybe the season is still a year or two in front of you—get a copy of this book. It will help you be spiritually and emotionally prepared for the empty nest when it arrives; and it will help you navigate this chapter of life if this is where you find yourself right now. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” 22:00 Well, here at the start of a new month, we've got a couple of anniversaries we want to acknowledge. David and Tanisha Lawrence are celebrating their fifth anniversary today. They live in Lynn, Massachusetts. And we also want to say, “Happy anniversary!” to our friends, Terry and Cindy Fahy, who live in Los Angeles. Terry is the General Manager at KKLA in Los Angeles. He and Cindy have been married 35 years today, and they are alumni of the Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway. “Congratulations!” to the Fahys and to the Lawrences. We hope your day is a great day as you celebrate your anniversaries.  We think anniversaries are a big deal and that we ought to be celebrating longevity, and commitment, and faithfulness in a marriage relationship. We are the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries™. In fact, last week, we celebrated our 40th anniversary as a ministry.  23:00 We got staff and friends together and spent some time reflecting on God's faithfulness over 40 years, as we have sought to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families over the last four decades.  You know, we had a number of people, last week, who wished us a happy anniversary with an anniversary donation. In fact, I noticed a number of $40 donations came through last week, and that was encouraging to see. We want to say, “Thank you,” to those of you who have helped support the ministry over the years.  If you'd like to help with a donation today, we'd love to hear from you. If your donation is $100 or more, we have a thank-you gift we'd like to send you. It's a set of three study guides from our Art of Marriage® Connect Series—all designed to help you, as a couple. You can go through these, as husband and wife; or you can get with other couples and engage with them in helping to build stronger, healthier marriages. Find out more when you give, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to make a donation at 1-800-FL-TODAY.  24:00 Or you can mail your donation to us at Family Life Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.  Now, tomorrow, we want to talk about why it's important for a mom to maybe take a break when she reaches the empty nest—maybe a little season of rest there. We'll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

How Empty is Your Nest? (Part 1) - Mixed Feelings Stirred Up by the Empty NestHow Empty is Your Nest? (Part 2) - Changing RelationshipsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Changing Relationships Guests:                      Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates                         From the series:       How Empty Is Your Nest? (Day 2 of 2)Air date:                     August 2, 2016  Bob: If you work for Hallmark, keep listening. Susan Yates may have a suggestion for you here on a whole new line of party invitations. Susan: I would like to know, with a show of hands, how many of you have ever been to a party to celebrate the beginning of the empty nest?  [Laughter]  One, two— Barbara: Three.  Susan: —four—oh, yay!  [Laughter] Good for you all! You may be on the cutting age of a new movement in America. [Laughter]  We hope so because we feel like this is a season, not to be dreaded, but to be celebrated—and oh, how we need to celebrate in the seriousness of life today.  [Segment of I Just Want to Celebrate] 1:00 Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, August 2nd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. I don't know who's version of Celebrate that was—was that Rare Earth?—I think it was; yes. Celebrating the empty nest may sound like a paradox / a contradiction in terms, but it's actually not. You can do it!  We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You said it was a while before it dawned on you that the empty nest had finally arrived.  Dennis: Yes.  Bob:  But I mean, you knew— Dennis: I really had all these grand plans of how I thought we would— Barbara: Yes; he did. [Laughter] Dennis: —disengage from being parents. We would flip a switch—in true male-style— Bob: Yes. Barbara: He did. Dennis: —and we'd just be driving off into the sunset in a convertible, laughing and having fun.  2:00 Bob: And the switch didn't flip?  Is that what you are saying?  [Laughter] Dennis: Oh, my goodness!  [Laughter]  The switch may have ground its way to the other side—it took a couple of years, Bob. Bob: Barbara, let me ask you—and by the way, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.  Barbara: Thanks. Bob: If you could have flipped the switch, do you think Dennis could have flipped the switch? Barbara: Oh, yes. Bob: So he was ready. He didn't have the emotional processing moving into the empty nest that you did? Barbara: Well, he had more than I expected. I was kind of surprised because every once in a while he would walk through the house or walk around the backyard and go, “Gosh, I really miss those years with the kids.”  It would surprise me because I didn't really expect him to feel those things that I was feeling. I knew I would, but I didn't expect him to do so. Dennis: I'd come home from work and the car would be surrounded, like it was being invaded by a group of— Barbara: Yes, all those years our kids were home. Dennis: Yes—bandits. All of a sudden, you pull up in front of the house and— Barbara: Sometimes, nobody is there because I wasn't always there. [Laughter]   3:00 Dennis: —there is nothing happening!   Barbara: I didn't have to be home—it was great!   Bob: I remember you talking—you'd come into the office. The way you described it—you said, “There's no tension against the muscle,”—this muscle you've been working out with for 20-plus years. Dennis: Oh, yes. It's called the Daddy Muscle. I mean, you've had to be a daddy—now, I'm still a dad / I have adult children—you know, you go home, you leave work, you pull up in front of the house, and you get ready for your second job—being a husband and being a father. Well, all of a sudden, the father-thing is out of there—I mean no tension against the muscle. Bob: You [Barbara] spent the first part of the empty nest years together with your friend, Susan Yates, who is a pastor's wife—lives in the Washington, DC, area.  The two of you collaborated on a book called Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest. Then, you've had the opportunity, in a number of settings, to speak to women on this subject. You were at Park Cities Presbyterian Church in Dallas, a while back, and spoke to a group of women.  4:00 You outlined the key questions that women ask themselves during the empty nest years. Already, this week, we have heard you address two of those. Refresh us on what those were. Barbara: The first two questions are: “Am I the only one who feels this way?”  The empty nest can be a very lonely time for women, and you are feeling things you didn't expect to feel— and, maybe, some of them that you did. There is a real isolation factor in the empty nest. So I think most women are asking the question, “Am I the only one who feels this way?” Dennis: It is back to what Susan said at the beginning of the broadcast—there aren't celebration parties, announcing to the world: “I'm now transitioning into this new calling and season of life.” Barbara: Exactly. The second question is: “What is happening to my relationships?” because you kind of look at each other—the kids are not there—and you think: “Okay; who are you and who am I?  What is our relationship like?”  You realize that you need to, perhaps, do some renegotiating and recalibrating in your relationship.  5:00 Then, your kids want to be treated differently because they see themselves as adults and independent. You've got to figure out how to relate to adult kids, and you've never done that before. There is a lot going on that affects the important relationships in your life. So, the second question women ask is: “What is happening to my relationships?” Bob: Well, we are going to pick up with Part Two of your message with Susan Yates as she introduces the third question women ask during the empty nest years.  [Recording]   Susan: “Who have I become?” As we all know, the empty nest is a major transition; and transitions are just plain awkward. The reality is—that we, whatever season of life we are in, expect stability to be the norm—but in fact, transition is more the norm in daily life. Just look back at the transitions we have already experienced—leaving home, marriage, the first baby, a new job, a new boss and an old job, financial loss, moves, illnesses, a crisis with a child, a national or international crisis.  6:00 With each one of these transitions, we keep waiting for life to calm down; but the reality is—life never calms down / it just gets more complicated. We long for a period of predictability and stability. We think that that's the way life should be—predictable, and stable, and calm—it even seems to be so for some of our friends.  My sister is very wise. Often, when we look at other women—as you perhaps have done in this room this morning—you see another woman, and she looks so perfectly put together. You sit there and imagine her life is all together—her marriage is great, her kids are great, and she is in stability and calm.  7:00 And my sister says: “There is always data missing. [Laughter]  You don't know.”  It's helpful to remember that.  Barbara: That's right.  Susan: We are all much more alike than we give the perception of being. The empty nest is messy. Sometimes, in order to figure out whom we are and what we are to do in the season, we need to take a break. It's really important to take a break. In all honesty, Barbara was much better at taking a break than I was. I want her to tell you about that. Barbara: Well, part of the reason I took a break was because I was sort of forced to because I began the empty nest in a very emotionally-depleted state. I knew I couldn't jump into the next thing / I didn't have the energy to jump into the next thing, but Susan did. I realized I needed some time off. So, what I did is—I just sort of pulled back from things. I said, “No,” to a lot of things / I didn't join things.   8:00 I stepped back my involvement to give myself some time to recover, frankly.  But as I did that, in that season—I did that during my youngest daughter's freshman year in college—as I did that, I discovered I needed that break, as an empty nester, as much for my entrance into the empty nest as well as I did to recover from the trials and struggles that we had been through with our daughter. I discovered that I needed time to re-evaluate my life. I needed time to look objectively at who I had become over the last 28 years. I was a different person in many ways than the one I was when I got married. I needed time to think. I just needed time for a pause in the pace of my life.  I think other women do too / I think all of us need a break. All of us need a pause after the intense years of parenting that are so 24/7, year after year after year.  9:00 Susan and I want to give you permission—especially those of you / all of you who raised your hand who aren't quite there yet—we want to give you permission to take a break that first year after your youngest leaves.  Don't feel like you have to jump into the next activity. Don't feel like you have to sign up: “Now that I'm free, I can do 100 things that I have wanted to do.”  You may want to do that, but it would be wise if you took a break.  It could be as short as a weekend away, where you retreat by yourself and do some thinking and evaluating. You may want to take a couple of weeks off; you may want to take a couple of months off; or maybe, a whole semester and not do anything. Pull back, and evaluate your life, and think about: “What is it that I want to do with the rest of my life?”    As you do that, think about a couple / two things in particular. We have other things for you to think about in our book / but two in particular are: Look back over your life and say, “What am I thankful for?” and begin to make a list of the things that you are thankful for—the things that God has done—all of the good things.  10:00 It is so easy to focus on the bad things and the losses. “What are those good things that I can be thankful for?”   Then, secondly, you might want to evaluate: “What are the issues, what are the relationships, what are the needs that I have avoided because I have been so busy?  What are the gaps in my marriage?  What are the gaps in my other relationships?  What are things in my life that I have sort of swept aside because I have been so busy raising kids that I dare not ignore anymore / that now that I have the time I can focus on these issues in my life?” It would, also, be a good time to spend time with your husband, just thinking ahead: “What do we want to do for the rest of our lives?  What do we want the rest of our lives to look like?”  As Dennis and I have talked about this, we have made some promises to each other. A couple of them are—one is we have promised each other we are not going to become gripey, cynical, old people. [Laughter] We are already seeing how easy that would be to become that way because things are starting to fall apart.  11:00 We don't like the way we feel some days—you know, we're creaky—and it would be real easy to gripe about that. We have committed to one another that we are not going to do that.  Secondly, we have promised that we are going to do everything we can to stay healthy, to stay strong mentally, and to stay on the cutting edge. Then, the third thing that we have decided together, as a couple, is that we intend to use our lives for God's purposes for as long as He gives us breath. We want to be engaged in Kingdom activities. None of us knows how long we have left. We may only have a couple of years / we may have ten years; but I want my life, and Dennis wants his life—and I know that John and Susan feel the same way—we want our lives to be maximized for the Kingdom of God for the years that we have left.  Susan: Another thing that we've realized is that an important element in transitioning from our past purpose of parenting to our next purpose in life is simply the importance of taking some time to celebrate.  12:00 You know, we, women, are really good at celebrating the milestones of life—the big ones / the little ones. We have baby showers. We have our first child's lost tooth, or our grandchild loses a tooth—you know, it's a big deal. The first day of school, the last day of school, graduation, wedding showers—but I would like to know, with a show of hands, how many of you have ever been to a party to celebrate the beginning of the empty nest. [Laughter]  One, two— Barbara: Three.  Susan: —four—oh, yay!  Good for you all!  You may be on the cutting edge of a new movement in America. [Laughter]  We hope so because we feel like this is a season, not to be dreaded,— Barbara: Yes.  Susan: —but to be celebrated. Oh, how we need to celebrate in the seriousness of life today.  When Barbara and I were working on this project, we asked three gals—who are friends of ours, who we call “The Party Girls,” who live in Pennsylvania—if they would design three different parties that you could throw to celebrate the empty nest.  13:00 We have that in Chapter 10 in our book—complete with invitations. [Laughter]  Yes.  So far, we've looked at three questions: “Does anyone feel this way?” “What is happening to my relationships?” and “Who have I become?”  But we have a final question.  Barbara: The fourth question is: “What is my new purpose?”  One of the benefits of the empty nest is the nature of its transition. It is a turning point in all of our lives as women. Sometimes, it's uncomfortable; but nonetheless, it can be a season that can be full of benefits and full of opportunities because we can pull back / we can say, “Why am I here?”   In our generation, we are healthier, we have greater resources, and we will probably live longer than previous generations of women. It is a wonderful opportunity for us, in this season of life, to look forward to the empty nest. 14:00 Susan: One of the things that Barbara and I have discovered, as we have talked to other women, is how many women—now, in the season of the empty nest—are asking spiritual questions. There have many times of recommitment for both Barbara and me over the years—we've had many questions along the way / many doubts. There have been uncomfortable times; there have been hard times; but spiritual growth is much like physical growth—there are growth spurts and there are really awkward hard times—but the fact is that we are still growing.  Barbara: So, no matter where you are in your own spiritual journey, we really feel like this season is a great time to re-evaluate your life and to re-evaluate your spiritual relationship with God at the same time.  There is a verse in Ephesians—Chapter 2, verse 10—that says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works….”  As long as we are on this earth, God has a plan for us; and He wants to be working in our lives.  15:00 You can apply that to your life and say, “God has a plan for me.”  Each and every one of you—God has a specific plan for you for how He wants to use you for the rest of your life. As you transition into the empty nest or as you are adjusting in your early years of the empty nest, take some time to think, “What am I good at?” Evaluate your life and evaluate where you can plug in to make the biggest difference for eternity.  Susan: Let me give you a little snapshot of three friends that we have who started something quite by accident. They live in a small town in Pennsylvania, and they walk every morning. They did the big walk up the hill. Then, their reward for their exercise—they are all empty nesters—is to meet at Starbucks. One morning, they were at Starbucks, which is sort of the center of town. They were sitting at a table / they had their lattes, and they noticed a young mom in tears standing in line to get her coffee.  16:00 And my friend Sue said to her—she didn't really know her—but she said: “Hey, come sit with us. You look like you need a hug.”  This young mother went over and sat with my three empty-nest friends. She began to pour out her heart about a situation she had with one of her children—it was a pre-teenager, and she was in the throes of desperation.  Now, my three wise empty-nest friends had been through so much of what she was going through. They could identify with her feelings. They, themselves, had been through different issues; and they were able to listen to her, to comfort her, and yet, also, to give her some very practical advice simply because they had experience and wisdom.  As my friends sat there and visited, after a little while, the young mom got up. As she left, she turned to them and said: “Oh, thank you so much!  This has so encouraged me.”  My friend Sue said: “Well, it's just free advice!     17:00 “You can take it or leave it.”  In that moment was born the Take It or Leave It Club. [Laughter]  Sue, Sally, and Jackie began to set up a regular table at Starbucks after their morning walks. [Laughter] Word spread through this community that this was the table where hassled young moms could go and sit and be comforted by older moms.  God wants us to be what I call F.A.T. Women—faithful, available, and teachable. [Laughter]  It's a great acronym; isn't it? Barbara: Yes. Because we know you women have these nurturing skills and mothering skills, we want to challenge you to this Take It or Leave It Club idea to encourage young moms; but we want to give you another challenge as a way that you might want to care for children or be involved in providing relief for children.  18:00 Almost every county in this country has a foster care system, and almost every one of those foster care systems is broken—they are all in need of great help. They are always stretched thin, they don't have enough resources, and they don't have enough people to help.  Well, some of you love babies / some of you love children. You could provide a home. Maybe, God wants to use you to recruit other families who can do this or get involved in just helping the system work better. We, as Christians, need to be involved in helping the helpless and helping these children who don't have families.   We, in our generation, need to unite in living second-season lives of great purpose. We don't want to settle for mediocrity. Time is too short. Why do that?  God has great purposes for our lives. We want to challenge you to discover those and not settle for mediocrity but live for the Kingdom of God.  19:00 [Studio] Bob: Well, we've been listening, again, today to Part Two of a message from Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates on living life in the empty nest—getting ready for it and, then, being there. You and Susan and her husband John and your husband Dennis just spent some time together—the four of you got away and did a little vacationing together?   Barbara: We did / we had a great time. Bob: Did you talk about your empty nest adjustments at all? Barbara: I don't think we talked about our adjustments because I think all four of us are far enough past that, but we did talk about our lives, and what we are looking forward to in the future,,, and the plans that we all want to do. We had great conversations about the future and where we want to head. Bob: Those kinds of relationships, especially in the empty nest years, are vital; aren't they?   Barbara: Yes; I think they are really important because I think the danger in the empty-nest years is to become isolated because our relationships revolved around our kids, and those families, and those parents.  20:00 I think it's important, in the empty nest, that we become intentional in developing couple friendships, and woman-to-woman friendships, and man-to-man friendships that are not tied to our children. We need that for the long-haul.  Dennis: Usually, it is our friends who mirror back to us answers to questions we are asking as we transition into this season of life. In the back of one of the chapters—I think it's Chapter Nine—on “Take a Break and Evaluate Your Life”—Barbara and Susan have a number of questions in here. I do think these questions are best answered by your spouse and some of the friends who know you the best. It really can be a satisfying time.  I know there are some of the moms who are listening to us right now—or maybe a dad or two—in the early stages of your family—you are listening to us; and you are saying, “You know, this is going to be a long way off.”  Well, you know what?  It happens in a blink; and you need to prepare, get ready, and you need to do it right.  21:00 Bob: Well, and to have these questions that you have put here at the end of each chapter of your book gives a reader an opportunity to really ponder through some of the same things you have pondered through, as a mom who was new to the empty-nest season of life and weren't sure exactly which direction to go—to be able to think through these questions and be prepared for it—or if you are in the middle of it, to be able to find some help and counsel to navigate your way through it. I think it will be extremely helpful for many of our listeners.  Again, we have the book, Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest, in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy of the book. Order it from us online; again, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order—1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”    22:00 Now, do you know Brian and Candyce DeKruyff?  The DeKruyffs live in Prattville, Alabama. They listen to WLBF—that's where they hear FamilyLife Today. They've been to the Weekend to Remember® a couple of times. They help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today. Today, August 2, they are celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. It was 20 years ago—in fact, it was right when they were getting married and the year after they got married—that's when they went to the Weekend to Remember. I am here to suggest to the DeKruyffs: “It's time for your 20-year tune-up. You need to get back to a Weekend to Remember and get your tune-up done; okay?  ‘Happy anniversary!' as you guys celebrate today.”   We think anniversaries are important to celebrate. They are a big deal, and we've been helping couples celebrate anniversaries for decades. In fact, last week, we celebrated our 40th anniversary as a ministry.  23:00 We're spending this year focusing on how important anniversaries are. And I just want to say, “Thank you,” to those of you who have partnered with us to make the ministry of FamilyLife possible over the last four decades.  If you are able to help with a gift today, we'd like to say, “Thank you,” if your gift is over $100, by sending you a set of three study guides created for The Art of Marriage® Connect Series. These are three separate study guides designed to help you, as a couple, or to help you and your small group go through significant themes related to keeping your marriage healthy and strong. It's our gift to you when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation; or when you mail your donation to us at FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.  24:00 And let me just say, “Thanks,” in advance, for whatever support you are able to provide for this ministry.  Now, tomorrow, we want to talk about the years that precede the empty nest. It's the years when you've got teenagers around the house, and those can be challenging years as well. We'll talk about how important respect is in the home when you're parenting teenagers. Hope you can tune in for that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. See you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. ©Song:   I Just Want to CelebrateArtist:     Rare EarthAlbum:   20th Century Masters—The Millennium Collection (p) 2001 Universal Motown  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Three Essentials For Every Married Woman (Part 1) - Priorities of a Christian WomanThree Essentials For Every Married Woman (Part 2) - Being a World-ChangerFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Priorities of a Christian Woman Guest:                         Barbara Rainey        From the series:       Three Essentials for Every Married Woman (Day 1 of 2)Air date:                     September 1, 2014  Bob: Want to do something that would really help your husband today?  Here's counsel from Barbara Rainey.  Barbara: One of the great callings of wives is to intercede and pray for our husbands. When we pray for our husbands, and for all that they're facing and all that God has called them to do, we are imitating what the Holy Spirit does for us in our lives. It's how we can help our husbands. It's one of the greatest gifts we can give them in our role as helper.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, September 1st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We're going to hear today about a number of ways wives can lovingly support their husbands. Stay tuned.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  1:00 Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. Whenever we are with a group of couples—in just about any setting we've ever been in—the women in that group are always wishing that they could get a little extra time with your wife.   Dennis: I do too!  [Laughter]   Bob: Well, you've got her all the time!  But these women really look forward— Dennis: Oh, yeah.  Bob: —to getting some mentoring / some coaching. Dennis: My wife has good economy of words. You know, there are some people who talk a lot and don't say much.  Bob: And only say a little. Dennis: She doesn't use a whole lot of words, and she gets a lot said. I think because of her stage in life and because of, frankly, some of the hardship we've endured—as a couple, as parents, and as a family—I think she's got a lot to say. It's not all out of our success. It's not all out of some cookie-cutter perfect home.  2:00 But it's out of a biblical grid from a woman who's walked with Christ for, well, almost 40 years, and been obedient in following Him—not perfectly, again—but she does have a lot to say. Bob: And some of our listeners have had the opportunity to hear Barbara speak at one of our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways. In fact, I wanted to mention, Dennis—that this week and next week—we're kind of kicking off our fall season for the Weekend to Remember. We have 14 events coming up this fall. We'd like to encourage our listeners to attend one of those events—in Florida, or in Texas, or in California, or in Missouri, or in Tennessee, or Colorado, South Dakota, Iowa, Idaho. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, “GO DEEPER.”  You'll find a list of dates and locations for the upcoming Weekend to Remember getaways this fall.  And this week and next week, we're making a special offer to FamilyLife Today listeners.  3:00 You can sign up for one of these events. When you pay the regular price for your admission, your spouse comes free. It's a buy one/get one free opportunity for the Weekend to Remember. And by the way, it's good for events this fall; or if you want to go ahead and schedule your Weekend to Remember getaway for the spring, you can do that as well.  Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, “GO DEEPER.” Find out more about the Weekend to Remember marriage getaways in the fall of 2014 and in the spring of 2015—plan to join us at a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway so that you can get a weekend of refreshment / some time together and some biblical coaching on how to have a strong, healthy marriage relationship.  And that's really part of what we are going to get today as we hear a message from Barbara Rainey—a message that she calls “Three Essentials for Every Married Woman.”  And, quickly, here's the outline: A married woman needs to be a woman of the Word, she needs to be a husband-helper, and she needs to be a world-changer.  4:00 [Recorded Message]Barbara: Good morning!  I've realized that one of the advantages of being in the season of life that I'm in is I have a little more time to reflect, and to think, and to look back on my life and to just look at it from a big picture. I think when I was raising my kids I was so swamped in the daily-ness that I couldn't ever pull back enough to look at the big picture.  As I've done that, one of the things that I have realized that is true for me—and I think it is true for most women—I think that there are three things that are just essential for every married woman, no matter what your age is—if you're just starting out, if you've got teenagers, or if you're in the empty nest and you've got grandkids all over the country, like we do.  5:00 I just think there are some things that are universal—that are common to all of us / that are needed by all of us—and those are the three things that I want to share with you this morning. Then, hopefully, we'll have some time for questions in the end. So, I'm going to share three essentials / three priorities—whatever you might want to call them—for every married woman. The first one is that I'm really convinced—and more so with each year—of the importance of us, as women, of being in God's Word. I remember—when I was raising kids, how hard that was for me. It was one of those things that I felt a great sense of failure over, for many years, in my life because I had this ideal and I had this goal of spending time in God's Word on a regular basis. I felt very frustrated and very defeated much of the time because my kids interrupted me. Or I'd get up early in the morning, and they'd get up before I would. Or I'd try to do it during naptime, and somebody wouldn't go to sleep like they were supposed to. Or somebody would be sick, or I'd be so tired I couldn't focus and continue a train of thought in prayer.  6:00 But as I got older and began to get into serious Bible study—I tried a lot when my kids were little—but it was just hard. I did it, but I did it very sporadically. But as my kids got older and they were all in school, I was able to do that on a pretty consistent basis. I realized how important it was for me—for me, personally, to be in God's Word myself—and not to just be dependent on second-hand information that I got on Sunday mornings, sitting in church, or second-hand information that I got from a book I was reading, or second-hand information that I got from somebody else who said that: “This is what I learned. This is what God is teaching me.”   I realized, through doing consistent Bible study myself, that God could speak to me and He wanted to speak to me. He delighted to speak to me. I could actually hear from Him! That was such a wonderful discovery. It was something that I knew was true—it had happened some—it wasn't that it never did— 7:00 —but as I got into Bible study in a serious, consistent way, it began to happen more often. I began to hear more from God myself—not from somebody else and then to me—but directly from God to me. It was a wonderful, wonderful discovery.  So, as I look back on those early parenting years, I just think, “Oh, I wish I had made it more of a priority.”  I think, for every married woman—no matter what season of life you're in. If you have little bitty kids, I know it's hard. My daughter's got five boys, and it's hard for her. But I've really encouraged her to make serious Bible study a part of her life. She's doing a much better job than I did. She's in some pretty consistent Bible study. I'm watching her raise her boys—and it's really helping her keep her peace and her sense of calm—even though she gets frustrated and angry with her kids, just like I did. But she has this strength to draw on more than I did, at her stage in life. I think it's an extremely important thing for all of us, as women.  8:00 One of the things that I've realized, as I've been thinking about this, is that, not only is Bible study important for us, but I think God wants us to be theologians, as women. How many of you ever thought of yourself as being a theologian?—probably not. I'm not sure I still do either, for that matter; but theology is simply knowing God. It's the study of God—it is knowing who He is.  I've realized that, when we know who God is—we know how He thinks, we know what He does, we know why He does what He does. It's the essence of a relationship. When we're studying God's Word, we're getting to know Him personally. We're getting to know God, and we're developing a relationship with Him. So, therefore, we understand better why He does what He does. We may not always know why He does what He does; but we can understand it better, and I think we're stronger. This fall, I went to a conference in Chicago—a women's conference. It was a really big women's conference.  9:00 John Piper was one of the speakers. He made a statement that I wrote down because it really applied to this, and I liked what he said. He said, “Wimpy theology makes wimpy women.”  I thought, “Ooooh, I like that,” because if we really aren't in God's Word, then, we just have second-hand information—we're living on somebody else's insight or somebody else's discovery. That makes for wimpy theology, and it makes for a wimpy woman too. I don't want to be a wimpy woman. I want to be a strong woman. I want my strength to come from a one-on-one relationship with God.  So, by contrast, a confident woman is one who is confident in her theology. She clearly knows what the Bible says, and it makes her a strong woman. That's what I want for me. I think that's what you would want, too, because I think all of us, who make a claim to know Christ—we want to be strong women—we don't want to be wimpy women. So, the way to become a strong woman is to really be strong in knowing Christ and His Word.  10:00    Women who stand strong, when everything under them gives way, have powerful theology because knowing God well and knowing His Word is what gives us the strength to stand strong. We discovered that in a very personal way with our granddaughter, Molly, who was born this summer and died. I found myself, during that week of her life, spending a lot of time, when we were in the waiting room—especially in the last few days of her life—just having to read Scripture to remind myself of what was true.  One of the interesting things, as we were there, is that we had all these meetings with doctors. They were very gracious, and they were very kind—and they had to deliver devastating news. How do you do that?  I don't think they get much training for that in med school. That's a skill that they have to learn, and some of them do it better than others. So, even though they were gracious and very kind, they were trying to be helpful too.  11:00 One of the things one of the doctors said, that I heard, was that he was trying to give us an explanation for what happened. His only way of explaining it was that it was a random mutation or some kind of gene that just went awry. If you really grasp onto that, then, what does that do with your theology?  How do you reconcile a “random mutation of a gene” with the truth that God is in control and that God is sovereign?  How do those two mix?  What do you do with them?  They don't mix too well; do they?   One of the verses we read over and over again this summer—that I still go back to, regarding Molly's life—was Psalm 139, which says: “My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance being yet unformed.”  That's the truth. It's not a random mutation. God was in control. God knit Molly's body together in my daughter's womb.  12:00 He made her the way He wanted to make her.  The assurance that I have that that's true is in this Book. We, as women, need to know what this Book says so that, when the storms of life come—and they will—when the troubles of life come—and they will—we can stand strong. We won't be wimpy women. We'll be strong women because we know what God's Word says.  This verse goes on to say, “And in Your book were they written all the days that were fashioned for me when as yet there was not one of them.”  So, even though that was really, really difficult in our lives, we were confident that God formed Molly. We were confident that He knew the number of days of her life—and the number of her days was seven.  Even though we heard those things from the doctors—and they temporarily caused us to sway a little bit because it was a little unnerving and a little unsettling to hear some of that—yet, we went back to God's Word. God's Word became our anchor.  13:00 God's Word became our strength.  So, I think, for women in this generation—with all that's going on in our world, with all the multitudes of things that our kids are exposed to—and I don't mean just little kids or teenagers—I mean even kids my kids' ages, who are married, and are dealing with the world; and they're trying to raise their children. The world is getting increasingly difficult. As the world gets increasingly more difficult to live in, our time in God's Word needs to go up accordingly because God's Word is the only thing that will make us strong in the storms of life.  So, the first thing I want to encourage you to do—and I know many of you are doing a great job of being in Bible study and serious Bible study—but just make sure that that is a regular part of your life. I promised myself, years ago, that I would be in consistent, serious, inductive Bible study until I breathed my last breath. If I'm not in a class of some kind, I don't do it!  14:00 I just have learned that about myself. If I don't have the accountability of a class and an assignment that has to be done on a weekly basis, it's too easy for me to put it off. Now, maybe you're better than I am as far as disciplining yourself and you can do it on your own, without the help of a class and a teacher and something like that; but I have to have it. That's what I have learned about myself, and that's what I've decided to do for myself for the rest of my life. So, number one is: “Make being a student of God's Word a priority.”   And then, the second thing that I have learned is how important it is for us, as women, at any stage of our marriage, to be a helper to our husbands. I wanted to share some things that I've learned recently about that. I think, just as we need good, strong, biblical theology, as women, in our lives personally, we also need it in our marriages. To be the kind of wife that God wants us to be, we need to know what He says. We need to know what His Word says about how to do this job called “wife”—how to fulfill this role that He's called us to and created us for. 15:00 In Genesis, when God created Eve, He told Adam that He was making a helper for him. Before the fall—before sin made a mess of marriage—God declared that woman was to be the helper. That was the title He gave to her in her job description. In the New Testament—in Ephesians—we learn that the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. So, in those two verses—in those two statements—we see that each of us, in marriage, has a model, in the Godhead—that we're to imitate and to follow in our roles in marriage. He is our model and the One we're to look to for each of our roles in marriage.  I think there's so much misunderstanding in the church about the Holy Spirit, and His role, and who He is. It's the part of the Trinity that's the least understood, I think, among believers.  16:00 Likewise, I think, it's not surprising that, as women, there's a lot of misunderstanding sometimes as far as our role, too, if we're to be a helper, as the Holy Spirit is a Helper.  The Holy Spirit is called—in the Old Testament—in the Greek, the term is Paraclete for Holy Spirit. It means “intercessor.”  It means “advocate, consoler, and comforter.”  So, as we look to God / as we look to the Holy Spirit to be our model—and we're to imitate Him in our marriage relationship, as wives—those are four words that describe who the Holy Spirit is that we, as wives, likewise, can imitate and follow.  In the book of John, Jesus talked about the Holy Spirit. He told His disciples, on the eve of His death, that He was going to send someone to be with them. He said, “I'm going to send you the Holy Spirit,”—in John, Chapter 14, He said. Then, He goes on to say what the Holy Spirit will do for us. I think there are some lessons for us, as wives, in those instructions that Jesus gave His disciples concerning the Holy Spirit. 17:00 The first one is—Jesus said, “The Holy Spirit will be with you forever.”  What does that do for us, as Christians, when we know that the Holy Spirit will be within us forever and that He will never leave us and never forsake us?  What does that do for us?  It gives us a great sense of security; doesn't it?—because we know that, no matter what we do, He will always be there.  Likewise, if we, as women, are supposed to imitate the Holy Spirit, as a helper—because the Holy Spirit is a Helper and we are to be a helper—what does that do for our husbands?—if our husbands know that we are going to be with him forever: “No matter what he does, no matter how bad things get, I am going to be with my husband forever.”  It provides great security for him too.  Jesus goes on to say that the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth. I think what that does for us, as believers, is that gives us the ability to trust because we know that, no matter what God says, it is Truth.  18:00 I think, as a wife, I need to be so careful that everything I speak to my husband is truth. I need to be careful about passing on things that I've heard that may or may not be true. I just need to evaluate my speech and be careful that I'm speaking truth to him.  Jesus said that “The Holy Spirit will bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” When you think about the context of when that was spoken, the disciples knew that something was beginning to happen—something big was going to happen. They may not have understood—and they didn't, clearly, understand everything about the crucifixion—what all that meant—but they knew that Jesus had been saying, “I'm going to leave you.”  But when He said this to them—that the Holy Spirit would remind them of everything that Jesus had ever said—that, too, would bring great comfort; wouldn't it?  Because if someone you love is going away, what do you long for?  You long to hear their voice again.  19:00 You long to hear from them again. Jesus said, “The Holy Spirit is going to bring to your remembrance everything that I said to you.”  I think, as wives, when we bring to our husband's remembrance the truth of Christ / the truth of Jesus in their lives, we, as women, can be a great comfort to our husbands in the same way.  Jesus said, “The Holy Spirit will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears from Me He will speak.”  Again, it's just an encouragement, to me, to be careful what I say and not pass on stuff that I don't know is the truth or things that aren't going to do my husband any good. Jesus also said that the Holy Spirit would glorify Him. I need to be careful, in my speech, that what I say glorifies God.  In Romans 8:26, it says that “The Spirit helps our weakness, for the Spirit Himself intercedes for us.”  I think one of the great callings of wives is to intercede and pray for our husbands.  20:00 When we pray for our husbands—and for all that they're facing and all that God has called them to do—we're imitating what the Holy Spirit does for us in our lives. It's how we can help our husbands. It's one of the greatest gifts we can give them in our role as helper. So, I want to encourage you to be a holy helper to your husband by imitating what the Holy Spirit does for us, as believers.  And then, I have a friend, who made this statement—that I'm going to quote in a letter that he wrote. He said: “Don't give up on people. Over time, people, with a heart for God, do mature and grow up. The fruit of the Spirit gradually ripens in their life,”—which it does in ours, too. This is what the Holy Spirit does for us, and it's what He does for our husbands. It's a gradual ripening of the Spirit of God in our lives over time.  [Studio] Bob: Well, we've been listening to Barbara Rainey with a message for wives on the “Three Essentials for Every Married Woman.”  21:00 In fact, we're going to hear Part Two of this message tomorrow on the program; but, Dennis, these are just good, basic reminders for every wife about what her focus and priorities need to be.  Dennis: And I'm glad that I'm married to the woman who gave this message. You know—I'm thinking—it's really true about her. But, even as I say that, Bob, I kind of wish there was a way—and you can't do it on radio / you couldn't do it on video either—but I wish we had a way of really, truly explaining to people what this truly looks like, day in and day out, because it's not nearly as glorious as we can make it here in a 25-minute broadcast on FamilyLife Today.  I mean, it is hard work—it's diligence—it's faithfulness. It's making mistakes—and not being a woman of the Word, and believing the wrong things, and not being a husband-helper but being a husband—well, complainer—[Laughter]   Bob: Grumbler.  Dennis: —or chipping away at him.  22:00 You know—you make mistakes. Barbara's made mistakes; but overall, she's been faithful to live out what we're talking about here. That's really what we're trying to encourage women to be and to do in their own marriages and families. It's not a matter of perfection—it is a matter of faithfulness—just stay after it and keep following Jesus Christ and looking to God to be the North Star of your life.  Bob: Yes. And I'm thinking about Sunday mornings at our Weekend to Remember marriage getaways, where we have the opportunity to speak to the men and the women separately about what it is God's calling us to do and to be, as husbands and wives, in a marriage relationship. What we've heard from folks is that Sunday morning time is some of the most important time of the weekend as husbands and wives get a chance to reorient, and refocus, and make sure they are about the right priorities, moving forward in their marriage relationship.  23:00 Again, Dennis, I want to remind our listeners that, this week and next week, we're making a special offer to those who would like to attend an upcoming Weekend to Remember marriage getaway. We have 14 events this fall. We're going to be in California, and Texas, and Florida, and Pennsylvania, in Missouri, and Tennessee, and South Dakota, Iowa, and Idaho. If our listeners are interested in attending any of those events, and saving some money, now is a good time to get in touch with us.  Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, “GO DEEPER.”  That'll take you to where you can find more information about the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway—find out when an event is coming to a city near where you live or a city you'd like to travel to. And then, plan to join us, this fall or next spring, at one of our Weekend to Remember marriage getaways.  If you sign up this week or next week, when you pay the regular registration rate for yourself, your spouse comes free. It's a buy one/get one free opportunity. It's good this week and next week only.  24:00 You can register, online, or get more information at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, “GO DEEPER.” You'll find more information right there about the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway. And we hope you'll plan to attend one of these upcoming events, either this fall or next spring.  Now, tomorrow, we're going to hear Part Two of Barbara Rainey's message about a woman's priorities in life and in marriage. I hope you can tune in for that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Three Essentials For Every Married Woman (Part 1) - Priorities of a Christian WomanThree Essentials For Every Married Woman (Part 2) - Being a World-ChangerFamilyLife Today® Radio TranscriptReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsoleteBeing a World-ChangerGuest:                        Barbara RaineyFrom the series:       Three Essentials for Every Married Woman (Day 2 of 2)Air date:                     September 2, 2014  Bob: The kind of woman God uses in her home and in her world is a woman who has dug down deep in His Word. Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: “Wimpy theology makes wimpy women.” [John Piper]—because—if we really aren't in God's Word, then we just have second-hand information. We're living on somebody else's insight or somebody else's discovery. That makes for wimpy theology. It makes for a wimpy woman too.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, November 20th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. A wise woman knows that the foundation of her relationship with her husband is, first and foremost, found in a strong relationship with God. Stay tuned.  1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You looked tired when you came in today. Was it because of dinner last night? [Laughter] Dennis: You saying that dinner wore me out?  What are you saying? Bob: You were just—as you were— Dennis: I slept well. Bob: As you recounted to me, you said that you had a meal with your wife and that she was—you were pretty worn out by the time it was over. Dennis: I did not say— [Laughter] Barbara, if you're listening to this, I want you to know I did not say that! Bob: Okay, that's true. You did not say that. Dennis: Bob is construing—I actually said: “Last night, over dinner, Barbara was talking about all the stuff she wants to do and be a part of. She was dreaming and thinking and had a list of 12 projects she wanted to accomplish—Bob: Here's what you really said. You said she talked for an hour before you got a word in edgewise. [Laughter] 2:00 Dennis: I did not! Bob: That's exactly what you said! [Laughter] Dennis: I did not say that. [Laughter] I enjoy talking to her. In fact, I said this to her. I said, “You know, in our relationship, you have become the extrovert; and I am becoming an introvert.”  She said: “No, no, no. Don't you give me that!  You are not an introvert!”  And she's right. I'm not an introvert. But I do enjoy listening to her because she's energized, she's excited, she's got her head up—she's looking to the horizon with ideas for the future. Bob: In fact, if folks are interested in looking at what Barbara has been working on in recent days, they can go to FamilyLife.com and click at the top of the page where it says, “GO DEEPER.” There is a link there for the Ever Thine Home® resources—the complete line of resources that Barbara Rainey has been working on over the last couple of years now—great collection of discipleship resources that look beautiful in your home. That's how I would describe Barbara's line. Again, find out more—go to FamilyLifeToday.com.  3:00 Click the link that says, “GO DEEPER,” and then the link for Ever Thine Home. Take a look at what Barbara has been up to over the past couple of years.  Let me also mention, while you are on our website—this week and next week—we're making a special offer available to FamilyLife Today listeners who would like to attend an upcoming Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway. We've got 14 getaways happening this fall in some pretty nice locations—Monterey Bay, California; Estes Park, Colorado; San Diego—there's going to be one in Fort Myers, Florida; and in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho—some great locations for the upcoming Weekend to Remember season.  If you and your spouse would like to attend one of these upcoming getaways—if you sign up this week or next week—you pay the regular rate for yourself, and your spouse comes free. It's a buy one/get one free opportunity for Weekend to Remember marriage getaways this fall or for next spring. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, ‘GO DEEPER.”  4:00 The information about the Weekend to Remember is available there—find out dates and locations. Again, when you register online, you pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse comes free. Take advantage of that opportunity. Plan to get away for a weekend together, as a couple, at one of our Weekend to Remember marriage getaways.  Alright, we're going to listen to Part Two of a message now from Barbara Rainey about what she calls the essentials—the “Three Essentials for Every Married Woman.” She has already said, this week, that a woman needs to be a woman of the Word, and she needs to be a husband-helper. Today, we're going to hear her thoughts on how a woman can become a world-changer. [Recorded Message] Barbara: And then the third thing I want to challenge you with—that I think is, again, a truth for all women of all seasons / of all generations—and that one is to be a world-changer. All of us, as women, need to see ourselves as being world-changers.  5:00 No matter where you are / no matter what your age, the Christian life is permeated with purpose. Jesus rescued us from meaninglessness / from futility to give us a life of great purpose and great calling. He didn't just save us so we could be happy and have sweet little families with perfect little children. He saved us for a purpose, and for a calling, and for a mission, and for a ministry.  Ephesians 2:10 says, “We are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which He prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”  That means—for every single woman in this room, God has works prepared beforehand for you to walk in just as He does for me. We need to find out what those are and walk in them.  There are two categories of women who are world-changers. The first one is for those of you who still have children at home and are still raising children.  6:00 I want to say to you, who are still parenting, that: “Mothers are the biggest world-changers that there are when you raise your kids to know Christ, and to follow Him, and to want Him because, as we raise our kids for the next generation, we are raising young men and young women who God can use for great purposes; and we are protecting them from the enemy.”  I was talking to a friend the other day—this young man who works in our office—and their oldest is five. They have three kids. I said, “Well, how's it going with your kids?” He said, “Oh.” He just rolled his eyes; and he said, “We are really struggling with Emma,”—their oldest, who's five. We've had lots of Emma conversations since this little girl made her entrance in the world because she has been the one of their three who has learned how, at a very young age, to press every one of their buttons.  He said, “We are just worn out at the end of every day.”  He said, “My wife just feels like she's failing, day after day after day, because every day Emma comes up with a new way to disobey, and a new way to push back, and a new way to break the rules.”   7:00 He said, “It feels like all we do is discipline this child.”  I said: “Oh, I understand. I had one like that.”  I said, “I felt like that's all I did, all day long, for years was spank him three or four times a day because he was just so determined he was going to do everything his own way.”  But that is a part of raising our kids for Christ—is training them and disciplining them so that some day they will choose Christ. I want to encourage you—those of you who are moms—that you will be diligent to raise your kids for Christ and that you will find opportunities to teach them and to expose them to what God is doing around the world.  One of the very best things you can do—for those of you who still have kids at home—as they get to be maybe eight or ten, start taking them on mission trips. When they're younger, you can find things to do in the city—whether it is serving in a mission in the inner-city or working with the homeless—something that's close at hand. But I would highly encourage you, as your kids get older, to take them on international mission trips. Take them to some orphanages.  8:00 Let them see these children who have nothing.  It was life-changing for my kids to take them to Russia and to go to these orphanages, where these kids had absolutely nothing. It was a wonderful experience for my girls to walk in there and see those children who had nothing. I would highly encourage you to take your kids and let them see the other side of the world because American Christianity is not all there is—and it's not necessarily the best forum either. So, encourage them to do that. Read them missionary stories. I don't know how many of you are doing that with your kids, but it's one of my favorite things that I did with my children—was read them lots of missionary stories. If you don't know where to start, start with The Hiding Place. I read that to my kids. I remember reading it to my youngest two, again, when they were in high school. I got up on their bed when they were, like, 14 and 15. We read that book through every night. It's such a wonderful story.  9:00 In fact, I re-read that book myself this year. I just love that book!  It's a story of such great faith. Read them the story of Jim Elliot, who's another missionary—Elisabeth Elliot's husband. And there are many, many more if you can get busy and find them. And then for you women, who are empty nest women—there are so many opportunities that we have in this season of life. It took me several years to adjust to being an empty nest mom and not being a full-time mom. I didn't like it at first. It was hard to adjust to not having kids around. I didn't know what my purpose was. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with myself. But it has really been fun now that we have made that transition over the last couple of years. We are really enjoying this season. But I'm more convinced than ever—that women in this season of life need to discover a fresh new purpose for their lives. Yes, we still have our husbands to minister to and to walk with. Yes, we still have adult kids.  10:00 Many of us still have parents living who need a relationship with us / need us to care for them. Many of us also have grandchildren. And all of those relationships take up a lot of time. For some empty nest women, they take up almost all of their time.  But more than likely, when you're in your empty nest season of life, you'll have time for, at least, some other activities—some other kind of ministry. There are so many things that need to be done. There are so many avenues that you can choose from. Mentoring is one of the best—it's one of the easiest. It's one of the most accessible things you can do in the empty nest years of your life. Even if you're not in the empty nest / even if you're just close to the empty nest, there are women, who are behind you a few years in life, who would love nothing more than to have coffee with you once a month and just let them ask questions.  The first night, which would have been Thursday night, at dinner, I sat next to Joann and asked her some questions that I've asked her before—because she's probably about ten years ahead of me in this.  11:00 I was asking Joann questions about what she's learned about relating to adult kids and grandkids because there are a lot of lessons to be learned in that. So, mentoring is one of the very best things you can do in your empty nest years. It's one of the easiest things you can do; and it's a great, great ministry. We talked, last night, a lot about orphans and foster care. The need is enormous. I think that God has equipped us, as women—especially empty nest women—because we've got all these years of experience—raising our kids—to do something about the orphan and foster care crisis in the world. We love children naturally. We've got experience in raising children because we've raised our kids.  There are so many needs in children around the world. You don't have to adopt. You don't have to take foster care kids in—although it would be a great thing—but, in the empty nest years, that may not be what God wants you to do.  12:00 But you could start an orphan care ministry in your church. You can get involved in the foster care system and recruit young families who can take these kids in. There are so many things that you could do and that need to be done in this area.  And I think we need to be really careful that we're not taking our empty nest years and just spending them on ourselves and doing the things we've always wanted to do—not that we can't, because I am doing some of the things I've always wanted to do—but I want to make sure that I'm living my life and spending these years for God's Kingdom. I want to make sure I'm doing what He wants me to do and that I'm investing in eternity.  Another one of the, sort of, conclusions that I've come to myself is that I want to make sure that I'm really maximizing these next ten years of my life. I want to do everything that I can do in the next ten years. Part of it is that I just don't know if I'll be around in ten years—I mean, there's nothing wrong with me that would indicate that I've got only ten years left—but I might only have ten years left.  13:00 That might be true of all of us in here. Who knows?   So, I've decided that rather than assume I have another thirty years ahead of me—which I may, but I may not—I'm going to really focus on this next ten. I'm going to really make this next ten years count. I'm going to find out what I can do, where I can make the biggest impact—“What does God want me to do in these next ten years?”—and really do it!  I may not die in ten years / Christ may not come back in ten years; but I could have a stroke in ten years, and then I'm not as able to work for the Kingdom.  So, I've made that decision for myself. I think, as empty nest women, we need to, sort of, look at time chunks. Maybe we only want to look at five years. But I think we need to look at time chunks and say: “What can I do in the next five years?—with the capability and the time that God has given me today to really make a difference for Christ.”   It may be that, in five years, I've got a situation in my family that I need to attend to—almost full-time.  14:00 God may pull me off of the frontlines for a while, and He may park me over here where I'm giving care to my parents. Or there may be a situation with one of our kids—I don't know. But I do know that—in these times / in these days, when I've got the time and I've got the energy, I want to make sure that I'm maximizing my life for Christ. Because I do know that the purposes of God for my life and for your life will change from time to time. So in ten years, God may have something else for me that I don't even know about today. But I want to make sure that these days, today, really count for the Kingdom.  Dennis read that verse on Thursday night. I'm going to read it again because, when he read it, I thought, “That really works for us too.”  But it's the verse in Acts 20:24, where he was talking about Paul. I read the context to that, which I thought was interesting because Paul had been hearing from God—that he was going to be in chains. He was telling the people in this passage—the disciples he was with / the churches that he was with—in this paragraph— 15:00 —that he was going to be in chains—that he knew that there was trial ahead of him because God had revealed it to him. That's the context for this verse. He said in here, “None of these things move me...”—he's talking about being in chains and being taken to Rome. And I thought, “Isn't that an interesting statement?”  I think what he means is “None of those things frighten me because I know God is in control and God has revealed it to me.”  “…Nor do I count my life dear to me...”   He wasn't hanging on to his life. He was willing to give his life for whatever God had for him—whatever that purpose was. He said, “… so that I may finish my race with joy and the ministry which I have received from the Lord Jesus Christ to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.” I want to encourage you to find out what your ministry is, as a woman. If you still have kids at home, your number one ministry is your husband and children. Don't forget that because that's the primary thing God has called you to do.  16:00 But, if and when you are an empty-nester, find out what that ministry is. Maybe God has something for you to do with your kids—some kind of a ministry that you can do with your children because taking your kids to do ministry things is one of the best ways to raise them for the Kingdom. Find out what that ministry is and be busy about it.  I wanted to read you a story that does come out of the book, The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom because it goes a little bit along with what Paul just said when he said “I wasn't afraid of these things—none of these things move me.” She tells the story, in the early part of the book, about being in their home still in Holland. One night there was a bombing raid going on. There were these bombs dropping all over the city. In the middle of the night, she and her sister Betsy woke up. They both walked downstairs to the kitchen to have tea together and wait for the bombing to stop so they could go back to sleep. Can you imagine?   17:00 I just can't imagine waking up, with bombs dropping all around, and going down to the kitchen and having a cup of tea. Amazing; isn't it? But she tells the story about that night. She said this in the book, “In the early days of World War II …”—when they were still safe, relatively speaking, in their own home. When they came down to the kitchen that night, during the bombing raid, Corrie told Betsy about a dream she had had and what she saw happening in their family. She'd had this very vivid dream of all of them being loaded in a cart and taken away. It frightened her, and she didn't know what it meant. But when she told it to Betsy, Betsy's response was this—she said, “I don't know what it means,” she said softly. “But if God has shown us bad times ahead, it's enough for me that He knows about them. That's why He sometimes shows us things, you know, to tell us that this, too, is in His hands.” I love that story because it's exactly what Paul was saying. Paul knew that bad times were coming for him. But he knew that this, too, was in God's hands.  18:00 I think, for all of us, as women—with everything that's going on in our world—there are so many things that can be very frightening. All you have to do is watch the news at night to be frightened. We've stopped watching it so much because it is frightening—but we need to remember, as women, too: “This, too, is in His hands.”  We can have the confidence and the strength to really believe that—not believe it because I said it, not believe it because Corrie ten Boom said it—or Betsy, actually—but to believe it because this Book says so. That's why we need to be in this book—because your confidence needs to come from God's Word to you / to your heart—not God's Word to you through three or four other people—but God's Word to you through this Book. Let it guide you into the ministry He has for you—into the calling He has for you and the way He wants to use your family for His Kingdom.  There's a little phrase I heard many, many, many years ago. It goes like this:  19:00 “Only one life—‘twill soon be passed. Only what's done for Christ will last.”  You've probably heard it too. It's a good reminder that we need to be living our lives for the Kingdom—especially in this day / in this generation, when so much is going on around us.  I want to encourage you to be women of the Word, to be a helper to your husband, and to be a world-changer where God has put you today, and to be open to whatever calling He might have on your life—whatever that purpose is that He has for you. [Studio] Bob: Well, we've been listening to Part Two of a message from Barbara Rainey on “Three Essentials for Every Married Woman.”  You know, being a world-changer, as Barbara was talking about today, is something that really has been at the center of her heart since the time you met her; hasn't it? Dennis: It has. In fact, she believed, and I do, too, that having children and being a mom was one of the greatest, and highest, and holiest privileges she's had on this planet.  20:00 And yet, as we have become empty nesters, she's moved on to the next assignment, which is being a woman, who's looking out to the horizon, from the empty nest and going, “What's next, God?” Bob: Yes. Dennis: I think He's answering that prayer. As we mentioned at the outset of the broadcast, we've had some conversations about some of her dreams; and she has a lot of them. And you know—that's good. I don't think God put us here to rust out. I think He put us here to be worn out for the right objective. Bob: When you're in the season of life, where you're raising your kids—that's really world-changer work—to raise young men and young women who have an eternal perspective. But you do come to a season where they're out— Dennis: That's right. That's right. Bob: —and you have to look up and say, “Okay, what now?” Dennis: I think one of the great needs today, within the Christian community, is for older women, who are moving into this season of their lives, to be able to step back and say:  21:00 “What's my vision?  Where am I headed?  What are my dreams and my goals?”  It doesn't mean you're going to be able to decide those overnight; but you're in the process of determining what's going to get the next 10, 15, 20 years of your life, as long as God gives you good health, and the ideas and the dreams, and enables you to accomplish them. I think, today, one of the greatest untapped resources in the church for the Kingdom of God is women. I think there are a number of women today who are having tremendous ministries, but there needs to be more. Bob: And Barbara's point is that this is an essential for every married woman; but it's got to be kept in the priority of her responsibilities to be growing in her own relationship with Christ, and to be serving her husband and her children. Keeping that tension and those priorities together is not an easy task.  22:00 Dennis, I'm thinking about Sunday mornings at our Weekend to Remember marriage getaways, where we talk to the husbands and to the wives separately—different rooms. We talk about what it is that God has called men to do, as husbands, and what it is that God has assigned to women, as wives—and how it is you keep a healthy balance with your priorities.  I want to remind our listeners that, this week and next week, you can sign up to attend one of these upcoming Weekend to Remember marriage getaways at a reduced rate. You pay for yourself, and your spouse comes free. It's a buy one/get one free opportunity. It's good this week and next week only. It's good for any of the upcoming fall Weekend to Remember marriage getaways; or if you want to go ahead and plan ahead for spring of 2015—get it on the calendar now and save some money—buy one registration / a second registration is free.  23:00 Your spouse comes free when you pay for yourself.  We've got getaways happening, this fall, in places like: Del Ray Beach, Florida; Las Colinas, Texas; Couer d'Alene, Idaho; Monterey Bay, California; San Antonio; San Diego—some great locations. You can find out if there's an event happening in a city near where you live, or a city you would like to travel to, when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the page that says, “GO DEEPER.” That will take you right to where you can get information about the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway. Again, when you sign up this week or next week, you buy one registration and your spouse comes free.  Hope you will take advantage of that. We'd love to have you join us at an upcoming Weekend to Remember this fall or next spring. Once again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or if you have questions, call 1-800-358-6329, that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  24:00 Now, tomorrow, we want to talk about differences in marriage—about the fact that we don't both think alike about everything in marriage, as husbands and wives. Our friends, Tim and Joy Downs, are going to be here. We're going to talk about how we deal with our differences and how differences can actually be a benefit in marriage, not just a source of conflict. We'll talk about that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in.  Want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your ManThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the PositiveThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the DifferencesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on GodThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His HelperThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Art of Being a Wife Guest:                        Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       The Art of Being a Wife (Day 1 of 1)Air date:                     October 20, 2016______________________________________________________________________________ Bob: In the Book of James, the Bible says we are to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Barbara Rainey says she doesn't see that being lived out today in a lot of marriages. Barbara: We are so quick, as women, to say exactly what we think / exactly how we feel without much regard for how that impacts him—or other people, for that matter. We have a really high value in our culture today on being truthful / on saying what we think; but we don't have an equally high value on saying it in love. It affects our marriages. We all say things in our marriages that we probably shouldn't say. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, October 20th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Would your marriage be different / be better if you slowed down and didn't speak as thoughtlessly as you sometimes do?  1:00 We're going to hear from Barbara Rainey on that today. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. Most of the time, I am glad our program is radio and not television. That way I can wear pajamas to the studio if I want to and nobody knows what I'm— Dennis: You have never done that. [Laughter] Barbara: Except all of us in the studio would know! [Laughter] Dennis: Twenty-four years— Barbara: You should try it sometime! [Laughter] Bob: Well, I'd have to go buy a pair of pajamas first before I did that. Barbara: Oh! [Laughter] Bob: But, there are days when you think the visual would be helpful. Actually, what we're going to hear today— Dennis: Of you and your pajamas? I'm not getting beyond that. 2:00 Bob: No, not that visual. There's a different visual here. It involves your wife, who is joining us again. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today, Barbara. Barbara: Thanks, Bob. Bob: You had an opportunity, not long ago, to speak to a group of wives and moms. You were talking from the book you've written, Letters to My Daughters. You did something unique as you began this message that we really can't—we can't show it on radio the way we wish we could. Barbara: I wish we could show it. It actually was quite fun. What we did is—I set up an artist easel on the stage, with a large canvas. I had two wooden palettes. I invited a woman to help me do this—someone whom I had never met before / someone who has an interest in art. So, I wasn't asking someone to do something that would be totally foreign to her. But nonetheless, we didn't really talk this through ahead of time. On this easel—I did tell her ahead of time, “Here's what I want us to do—you and I are going to paint something.”  3:00 We had the easel turned away from the audience so they couldn't see it.  I told the audience that each of us had a palette in our hands, with different colors. She had five colors and I had five colors. We had two that were the same, but the other four were each different. That was to illustrate for the audience that a husband has responsibilities in marriage that are different than a wife, and a wife has responsibilities that are different than the husband. Both of us are commanded to love—that was the color we had in common. In that illustration, the love was the color white—we both had the color white. We went to work painting, much like you do in a marriage. I didn't know her very well, and she didn't know me. That's very much like a marriage when it begins. We think we know each other, but we don't know each other at all. Dennis: And so, I'm wondering if you whispered to her what you were going to paint? Barbara: No—well, I did tell her what shape I wanted us to paint, but I was not talking to her as we painted. I was talking to the audience, and I was explaining, “One of the colors on my husband's palette is, ‘Live with your wife in an understanding way.'  4:00 “He's been commanded to do that, but that doesn't mean that I'm not supposed to be understanding of him.” As this woman and I painted this image on this canvas, I was explaining that principle. I reached over and I got some of her yellow off of her palette, and I put some yellow on my half of the painting. For about ten minutes we worked on this painting. It was a painting of a heart—she did one half and I did one half—and they were very different. Yet, there were some similarities between them; because we were both painting the same picture. Then, when we finished, we turned it around and showed the audience.  The whole idea was to help create a visual so women could see that God's idea for marriage was to create a masterpiece—to create a painting that was unique from every other couple's painting on the planet. The painting that Dennis and I create in our marriage is going to very different than the painting you [Bob] and Mary Ann create. 5:00 Bob: So that opening illustration—quite literally an illustration—set up the rest of what you wanted to talk about. That's what our listeners are going to get a chance to hear today—how you took that opening illustration and explained to young wives what the marriage masterpiece is supposed to look like. [Recorded Message] Barbara: My husband and I could not be more different. We still run into that, even after 40 years of marriage. I made a list of all the ways that we're different—and this is just a start.  My husband thinks globally. He's always thinking in the big picture. I think locally—I think about my home, I think about my neighborhood—I think a lot smaller than he does. That's a big difference in the two of us. My husband is spontaneous / I am a planner—and that's a big clash in our marriage, oftentimes.  6:00 One of the ways that's a big clash in our marriage is anytime we travel by car. My husband's way of packing the car is to just get everything that's going to go and just throw it in there: “It's going with us; right? Does it matter what order it's in?” And the answer is: “Yes!” [Laughter] “Yes. You put the big suitcases on the bottom, and then the smaller ones, and then the tiny ones on top. You're careful with the things that could break, and you organize things, just so, in the car.” Lots of clashes in our marriage, because he's spontaneous and I'm a planner.  He is an extravert, and I am an introvert. He is a road-runner, and I am a homebody. He would be on the road all the time if he could, but I have been the one who has sort of pulled him back and said: “No; we're going too much. We can't go anymore.” Sometimes, that's been a stress for him / sometimes, he hasn't liked that—but it's been a good balance in our marriage. He's a people-person / I'm a task-person. He loves to hunt and fish, and I love art and beauty. He's a random thinker / I think sequentially, in order.  7:00 His love language is the physical / my love language is words. He processes information quickly / I process information slowly and methodically. Rules, to him, are guidelines. [Laughter] Rules, to me, are to be kept. He thinks with the big picture, and the general idea is good enough. I'm a perfectionist—details matter and accuracy is important. Now, that's just a summary. There are lots more differences between us. As a result of all those differences, we both hurt one another; and we suffer. Our brokenness makes life difficult for the other person. Another thing that has been just this little irritant for me for years is that, when my husband comes home from work in the afternoon or in the early evening—sometimes, it's later in the evening—his office is literally six steps inside the front door, on the left.  8:00 Instead of going into the office to deposit his things, he walks past his office, around the corner, into the kitchen. At one end of the island goes the backpack, and then the keys, and then his stack of papers—all the way down the island are all of his things. For a long time, that just used to drive me crazy. I thought: “Seriously?! Your office is right there—it's all yours—the whole room is yours. You can put it all in there any way you want to put it in there, but the island is where we live / it's where we cook; and his stuff is all the way down.” One day, I thought, “You know, there will probably come a day when I will wish his stuff was all over the island; because I would rather have him and his stuff all over the island than not have him at all.” I finally backed off and said: “You know what? Who cares?” So I just am constantly moving stuff away, when it's time to cook and clean, so it doesn't get all ruined. What I want you to do really quickly is—remember this, first of all—differences have a divine purpose.  9:00 We tend to look at the differences as irritants / as things that we would like to do away with or change; but differences have a divine purpose. Secondly, every couple struggles with unhealthy comparisons. We are always looking at other wives; we're always looking at other husbands; we're always looking at other marriages; and we think that we're short on something. It reminds me of what happened with Eve—I think that's what happened with Eve. She compared herself—because she listened to the enemy—and she compared herself with God and thought, “He has something I don't have, and it's not fair.” That's where it all began, and I think we're dealing with it still today. Alright, number three—every couple has a unique calling. Within the form and the shape that God has designed for marriage, God has purposes that He wants to do with your marriage that are different than your neighbors', or your friends', or your next-door neighbor, or your sister.  10:00 God has a unique calling for every single marriage. One of the reasons that I chose this board is because it reminds me of my friend Donna, who lives in Alaska. Donna is a homeschooling mom. She cooks all her own food; she cans; she does all these very domestic, feminine-sounding activities; but Donna also packs heat. Donna also knows how to kill a bear. Donna also knows how to repair an engine on all kinds of vehicles. Donna knows how to do things that most of us in this room have never even thought about doing. But Donna has a unique calling in her marriage; because she's married to a man who's a bush pilot, and they own a lodge in the wilderness in Alaska. That's not God's calling for my life / it's not His calling for your life. It is His calling for her life, and she is embracing it. She is saying, “Thank You, God, for what You have called me to do.” 11:00 I have another friend who lives in New Zealand. She is married to a man who has been on dialysis for 20 years. That is not my calling—it's probably not most of your calling, either—but God has called Nikki to be married to Andy and to live with him in the real extreme challenges that he has to face every day because he doesn't have kidneys that work. I don't know what it is about your marriage that is unique—that God has placed in you for His purposes—but you do. Our responsibility is to identify that and see what God wants to do, because He has a story to tell with you and your husband that He can't tell with anybody else. The first tip I wanted to give you is: “Listen to the artist of your marriage.” The second one is—I want you to: “Listen to the author of your marriage story,”—and that's the Holy Spirit. God is the one who designed this concept and created this image of marriage, and He has a purpose for your marriage.  12:00 The Holy Spirit is the one who makes it work—He's the one who is orchestrating your story.  Who created your marriage? It was God Himself. And who brought you two together as husband and wife? God brought you together as husband and wife; didn't He? Well, He is the One who knows how to make it work. There's a story in the Book of John about Jesus. The story goes like this: Jesus was at home, and his brothers were there. It was the time for the feast. The feast came and it was one of the feasts when everyone—all the men—had to go to Jerusalem to worship at the temple. His brothers came to Him and said: “It's time for the feast. We're going, and You need to come too.” And Jesus said, “It's not My time yet.” They said: “But You need to show Yourself. People need to know who You are. You need to come where everyone is and make Yourself known.” And Jesus said: “No. It's not My time.” 13:00 That always puzzled me; because in the very next verse, after the brothers left, Jesus got up and went. I never understood: “Why did Jesus not go in the beginning when they asked Him to go if He was going to go ahead and go anyway?”—right? It just didn't make sense to me.  But then I found the answer one day; and it's in John 8:28, just a few verses later. Jesus said in verse 28—He said, “I do nothing on My own initiative, but I speak the things that the Father has taught Me.” Then, in verse 29, He said, “He has not left Me alone”—speaking of the Father—“for I always do the things that are pleasing to Him.” When I finally thought about that verse for a minute, it just was really stunning to me—and still is—Jesus said, “I do nothing apart from the Father.” Now I want you to think for a minute: “As a wife, how many things do you do apart from the Father?  14:00 “How many things do you do on your own?” It's a hard question; isn't it? How many times do we speak on our own initiative? How many times do we say what we want to say on our own initiative—without listening to the Father / without listening to the Spirit—say: “Should I say this to my husband? Is this the right thing for me to tell him? Should I keep my mouth shut?” Jesus didn't go to the feast, because the Father didn't tell Him to go to the feast. He waited until He got permission from God, and then He went the next day. What that does for me, as a wife, is—I need to be listening to the Holy Spirit and saying what He wants me to say and not saying what I want to say. We are so quick, as women, to say exactly what we think / exactly how we feel, without much regard for how that impacts him—or other people, for that matter.  15:00 We have a really high value in our culture today on being truthful / on saying what we think, but we don't have an equally high value on saying it in love and on self-restraint. Neither one of those are virtues that we're lifting up in our culture today. We're lifting up one without the other, and it affects our marriages. We all say things in our marriages that we probably shouldn't say. There is forgiveness—so I don't want anybody to think that we're talking about perfection, because it can't happen. The point is— we need to be growing, as women, and learning how to listen to the Holy Spirit and what He says. I want to read you a couple—short paragraph out of my book on the Holy Spirit:  Now that we've traveled 40 years of marriage by faith, I've come to realize that the Holy Spirit is my dearest Friend. He is misunderstood, and neglected, and often ignored; but this greatest gift to those of us who believe is the One who has helped me most become who I am today.  16:00 It is because of Him that our marriage has survived and not died. It is because of Him that our marriage thrives, even today. He has whispered truth to me and guided me to the best paths. He has given me wisdom when I asked; He has gently nudged me to speak; and at other times, He has nudged me to be quiet. When I have listened to His leading, I have never, ever been sorry. When I haven't listened, I've had regrets and plenty of them.  Following the Holy Spirit has been slow and arduous, not because He is not a good leader, but because I'm not a good follower. Whispers require attentiveness; and the Holy Spirit whispers to us, which I love! Sometimes I wish He'd be a little louder so I could really be sure I'm hearing Him, but He doesn't yell at us. He's not in your face. He whispers, because He wants us to pay attention to His voice, and we need to learn to hear His voice. 17:00 Whispering requires attentiveness, and understanding means learning His language. We need to know how He speaks. If you're not there yet, be patient with yourself; because Jesus said, “My sheep hear my voice,” and you will, too, in time. So it's a growing thing, to learn to hear the Holy Spirit's voice. Number three—listen to God's truth about you and your marriage. The overriding lesson that I want to share with you from 40 years of marriage is this: “God is faithful, and He will give us what we need to rise above any challenge, if we ask Him and if we wait for Him to provide.”  I think we're way too impatient in this culture. I think social media has robbed us—and the internet—of our patience. I get so impatient when I try to go online and find something and that's not there [snap of fingers] that fast. I think that seeps over into my relationship with God. It seeps over into my marriage:  18:00 “I want things fixed now!”” “I want God to tell me what to do now!” “I want God to take care of this right now.” And God says: “Wait! Wait on Me.” Waiting is so very challenging and hard.  I got a text from my daughter the other day. I was going to read it to you, but it will take too long to pull it up—impatient; right? But she wrote that just a few days ago—and this is a daughter who lives in another state / not Ashley who is here with me—she said, “Ohh!”—she wrote out: “Argh! Marriage is so hard.” She said, “I'm having such a struggle today, and it's so hard.” She said, “Will you pray for me?” And I did. And it's just true—we all have those days; don't we?—when marriage just feels impossible: “It's impossible to understand this man,” “It's impossible to live with this man,” “It's impossible—the situation that we find ourselves in.” But I want to encourage you not to quit and give up when you run into those impossibilities in your marriage, because you're going to keep running into those impossibilities in your marriage.  19:00 They aren't going to go away. You're going to keep running into them. If you quit on your marriage, you're interrupting the process of what God wants to do. If we'll just wait, He will produce the beauty and the hope that we long for in our marriages. One of my very favorite verses—that I have loved for decades—is in Luke 1:37. That verse comes in the story of when Gabriel came to visit Mary. He showed up and he told her that she was going to have a baby. And she said: “How can this be? I'm a virgin / I'm a young girl. How can this possibly be true?” And what did he say to her? He said to her, “Nothing is impossible with God.” I have taken that verse to heart for decades, because there are lots of times in my marriage when it feels way too hard / it feels impossible. It feels like we'll never get through this rough place. It feels like we'll never come to understanding / we'll never really get to a place of peace again.  20:00 I remind myself of this verse—if we belong to Him, He can make our marriages work. That's the big picture that I want you to hear and understand: “If you belong to Him, He is the One who can give you the kind of marriage that you wanted and that you got married for in the first place.” [Studio] Dennis: And, we've been listening to a message by Barbara Rainey, called “The Masterpiece of Marriage.” You just heard her talking about her husband—marriage to an impossible man. [Laughter] Bob: There are times, though, that the two of you, working on the same painting, have not always made it exactly the same; right? Dennis: More than a few times. You know, it is interesting, though—if you don't quit, the Master will cause the image of Christ to emerge from the broken palettes / the broken people—of a husband and a wife in a marriage relationship—who are committed to one another for a lifetime. 21:00 Bob: Well—and I would imagine, Barbara, that painting, side by side, with another artist probably makes you a little better in what you do rather than just being on your own and only using your gifts and abilities. Dennis: That's easy for you to say! If you knew my artistic abilities—Bob, if I was painting on there—no; no; no! [Laughter] Bob: Have finger paint and have— Dennis: There you go! Bob: —and have—[Laughter] The good news is—you had zero to do with the art for Barbara's book Letters to My Daughters, which we have in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. Listeners can go online to order a copy of Barbara's book. Again, the title is Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife. You can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. If you don't have a copy of the book, I'd encourage you to get it.  22:00 Maybe you know somebody you'd like to buy a copy for and pass it on to them. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” Now: “Happy anniversary!” today to a couple, who have been married 42 years—Dean and Wendy Macinskas, who live in Telford, Pennsylvania. They listen to FamilyLife Today on WDAC / they've been to the Weekend to Remember®. Forty-two years of marriage as husband and wife—“Congratulations!” to Dean and Wendy—and I hope you have a great celebration of your 42nd anniversary today. At FamilyLife, we are committed to helping more couples celebrate more anniversaries. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families; because we believe godly families can change the world, one home at a time. 23:00 We appreciate those of you who invest in the spiritual strength and health of marriages and families by investing in the work of FamilyLife—those of you who are Legacy Partners and give each month or those of you who will, from time to time, make a donation. On behalf of those who listen and benefit from this ministry, I just want to express our gratitude for your investment in those marriages and in those families. If you can help with a donation today, we'd love to send you a banner that Barbara Rainey has created for your home that declares that your home is an embassy of the kingdom of heaven. It's a way to remind yourself and others who visit that your ultimate allegiance is to the King of kings and the Lord of lords. That's our gift to you when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation, or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone. Or you can mail your donation, along with your request for the banner, to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. 24:00 Now, tomorrow, we're going to hear from Barbara Rainey as she interacts with a group of moms of teens. They have questions about parenting teenagers, and Barbara has some great answers. We'll hear that tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.______________________________________________________________________________ Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your ManThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the PositiveThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the DifferencesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on GodThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His HelperThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Building up Your Man Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Letters to My Daughters (Day 1 of 2)Air date:                     May 31, 2018  Bob: See if you can spot where the challenge is here. You're a wife and a mom who wants things to go right. Marriage and family is messy, and your husband isn't perfect. You see how that can be a problem? Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: One of the things that is true about us, as women—I had a conversation with my daughter just yesterday on the phone about this—is that it's so easy for us, because of our emotional makeup, to get very overwhelmed by the circumstances of life. A woman, who is married and is discouraged by her relationship with her husband—she can get so overwhelmed to the point where she just doesn't see clearly.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, May 31st. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. What do you do, as a wife, when you get overwhelmed / when you're discouraged by all that's going on? How do you deal with that? We're going to talk about that today with Barbara Rainey. Stay with us.  1:00  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. We're diving back into a rich field of ore today. I mean, there is some good stuff that we're going to be digging into. Dennis: We have some pretty fair guests on FamilyLife Today from time to time. Bob: We do; yes. Dennis: Max Lucado, Tony Evans, Crawford Loritts, Mary Kassian, Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth—a lot of, really, pretty fair country guests. Bob: Pretty good communicators with some pretty good biblical knowledge. Dennis: Yes; this one is a cut above. Bob: Somebody who is— Dennis: —just a cut above. Bob: —kind of your favorite? Dennis: Definitely my favorite—my bride of 43 years. Sweetheart, welcome back. Barbara: I don't know if I can live up to all of that! [Laughter]  2:00 Dennis: That's pretty strong; wasn't it? Barbara: Very strong! Dennis: Well, our listeners love you. We were with some friends, here this past weekend, and ran into a number of listeners. They came up and talked to Barbara about her books and Ever Thine Home®—all the resources she's creating for wives, and moms, and women to be able to display their faith in their homes. It was kind of fun to watch them come out of the woodwork—out of a large gathering of people—come by and say, “Hi,” to Barbara and say, “I appreciate you.” Bob: Well, and a lot of buzz around your new book—it's called Letters to My Daughters. This really didn't start as a book; did it? Barbara: It absolutely didn't. When our oldest son was engaged to be married, his fiancée came to me and said, “You know, I would really love to hear some encouragement from you about being a wife.” And I thought, “Wow!” Bob: She just opened the door; didn't she? Barbara: I know. I thought: “Wow. If she opened the door, then I'm going to gently and cautiously walk through that door.”  3:00 I wasn't sure exactly how to go about doing it, because we all lived in different places. It wasn't possible to take her out for coffee and have a conversation. I decided I would start writing some letters just to share some of the lessons that I had learned over the years in being a wife—just by way of encouragement—and “Here are some things that I learned, and maybe this will help you.”  Bob: Did you write them, one on one, to her; or did you copy everybody else when you started? Barbara: I copied all three married girls: our oldest Ashley, who was already married; and then our son, Samuel, had married the same summer. It went to three married girls. Bob: Then you expanded it out as this snowballed and continued? Barbara: We traded about—I sent—I'll rephrase that—I sent about a dozen emails total. You know, I don't know how much of it was that they didn't know me that well; so there wasn't a lot of response, which I understood.  4:00 I mean, you know, we're talking about subjects about marriage; and this is your mother-in-law. What do you say? Bob: Yes. Barbara: I didn't get much feedback, so they kind of dried up.  Then, when our daughter, Rebecca, got married in 2005, I went and dug them all out and sent them to her sort of as a batch—a couple of them at a time—and then, that really was the end of it after that—an email version. Dennis: I think what's interesting about this is the whole idea came from a couple of sources. One was a book that was famous and very popular, back when Barbara and I were college students, by Charlie Shed.  Bob: Yes? Dennis: It was called Letters to Karen. It wasn't Letters to My Daughter. It was—although—was Karen his daughter? Barbara: Karen was his daughter. Bob: Because I also got Letters to Phillip, which was the follow-up, which he'd written letters to his son—both of them around marriage subjects; right? Dennis: Exactly; exactly. But there was another kind of—I don't know—birthplace of this idea of sending letters that was a part of Barbara's family. 5:00 Barbara: When I was growing up, I remember my mother used to anxiously look for this large legal-size envelope that would come in the mail probably every couple of months. She had married my dad, and they had moved two or three states away from where she grew up. It was a place where she knew no one. Although she developed friends, there were no family members anywhere near. She, and her mother, and some other relatives in the family, and friends had this exchange of letters, that were all handwritten, that went by the postal service. It was called a round robin.  My mother would write her letter, put it in the envelope, and send it on its way, where the next person would read my mother's letter and all of the other letters that were in it. She would take out her original letter, and put in a new letter, and send the packet on its way. It would just make this circle between these six or eight women that were a part of this group, because nobody got on the phone and talked for fun in those days.  6:00 Bob: Right.  Barbara: You only used the phone for emergencies, or business, or important things. You didn't just get on it to chat. Letter writing was the only way that you really kept up with people who lived far away. They had this letter exchange that they passed around.  I just remember, very vividly, that every time that letter came—that packet with all those messages from home / touches with her family and friends that she didn't get to see very often—she would get a cup of coffee and sit down. She relished those letters. She read them and just absorbed all that she could out of those communications from friends that she loved and cared about and missed deeply. That became a way for her to stay in touch with those friends. Dennis: You know, it's interesting, Bob—now, in the present age of social media and having communication so— Bob: —tweets, and texts, and emails. Dennis: —it's so easy.  7:00 You know, we have access to so much that the art of letter writing—I mean, a really good thoughtful letter—in fact, I have back on my desk a letter that was given to me by Steve Green, who is the President and CEO of Hobby Lobby, that he'd obtained that was written by Thomas Jefferson, during his presidency. It's just interesting to have a copy of a letter that's over 200 years old and to think about the words being crafted—how thoughtful it was.  I think there's a need to recapture that—both personal side but also just the thoughtful side / the contemplative side of—“You're facing some issues. Let me step into your life and provide some guidance in a personal way for you.” Bob: Not just shoot from the hip, but give some real thought to the response.  Some of the letters—because you will print a letter in here—we should say this is not an actual letter from one of your daughters.  Barbara: Correct. Bob: People shouldn't read this and try to figure out which daughter was asking this question.  8:00 Barbara: Correct. Bob: You would take a composite of questions that were being asked of you—subjects that your daughters were asking you about. Dennis: —and people who were coming up to Barbara at a Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway.  Bob: Right. Dennis: We have tens of thousands of people who come to those events. When Barbara speaks, women stand in line to talk to her. These questions that are in the book are really questions that these women had asked Barbara from the Weekend to Remember. Bob: I'm looking at one of the letters that you respond to in your book. You're tackling some pretty interesting stuff here. I mean, one of these letters asks this question—it says: “Hey, Mom, sometimes I get tired of being discouraged by all the unexpected things that I have to deal with that come from the way my husband lives life. It's not just that we're different—you already wrote me about that. It's more than that. It's like, I think, ‘If I didn't have him, sometimes life would be easier.'”  Now wait a sec! Do wives really feel that way? [Laughter] I mean, I'm starting to feel a little insecure here!  9:00 Does a wife really feel like sometimes life would be easier— Dennis: Let me just stop you. What if your wife's name is on the book—[Laughter] Bob: You can feel real insecure now! [Laughter] Dennis: —and you're on the radio! Bob: Let me finish this—it says, “It's kind of nice when he's out of town for a few days.” This is a wife, who is saying, “Sometimes, I wonder if I'd be happier, more satisfied, more fulfilled if I didn't have a husband to deal with.” Barbara: Well, I think there are those moments when women do feel that way, because the differences never go away—that's the first chapter in the book. I write in the book that it's the first and most lasting adjustment to marriage, because the differences never go away. Even though I'm used to things that he brings to our world—his personality, the way he approaches life, and his maleness— Bob: His perspective is different. Barbara: —it's very different. I think what this question is saying is that— 10:00 —sometimes, when a husband travels—there feels a little bit of a: “Oh, I can do things the way I want to do things. I don't have to be just thinking about what I would like to do and ‘How's this going to make him feel? How he's going to respond to this?' I can just do what I want to do.”  Bob: You know, I get that; because I think, for husbands—I think there's a similar— Barbara: I would expect so! Bob: —to have a break and just to be able to—times when I'm traveling, I'm focused on whatever I'm doing, traveling-wise, and— Barbara: Or if your wife goes on a women's retreat, you can just kind of veg and eat pizza all day long and not worry about anything; right? Bob: Sometimes, those breaks are nice to have; but you wouldn't want them to go on for very long. Barbara: No; no. Bob: In the midst of them, you do have a sense of something lacking, even if you're enjoying just the pause in the relationship; right? Barbara: Yes; without question because we are complete in one another, and marriage does complete that which is lacking. I mean, God says, “The two shall become one.”  11:00 There is a sense in which you can relax about some things when your husband or your wife is out of town; but there is that realization that life isn't the same without him in it. It makes you miss one another and appreciate those differences / those things that the other person brings that are so very contradictory at times, but it is for good. Bob: When should a wife start to be concerned if she's thinking, “I kind of wish he'd go away for a few days, because I really like it when he's gone.” When can she tell: “This is an okay break,” versus “No; this is us drifting toward isolation in our marriage”? Dennis: —or “This is unhealthy thinking.”  Bob: Yes!  Dennis: I mean, here's what we're talking about—we're talking about the very essence of marriage—goes back to Genesis, where it says it was not good that man be alone. It says, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother; shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one.”  12:00 I think we get married because there's something lacking in our lives, and that something is a person—it's the completeness of a husband and a wife, in a marriage relationship, designed by God.  The two are asked to deny themselves, and to defeat isolation and not grow into an unhealthy relationship, where you long for the times when you're going to be separated. You need to keep the relationship alive and not forget why you married the other person in the first place. God brought you together—you need to get on with it, and you need to learn how to embrace the differences. Barbara: It's okay to have a break occasionally; but the goal of marriage is being together, and becoming one, and allowing God to do his redemptive work in our lives. Dennis: Ultimately, what marriage is all about—it's about two imperfect people learning how to love one another within the commitment of marriage.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: You're going to school, with God teaching you from the Bible.  13:00 I'd have to say—I didn't understand that when I enrolled in this course called marriage; but looking back over four decades of marriage, I'd have to say, “I know more about love because of marriage than any other relationship in my life.” Bob: Some of the wives, who are listening to us, have this conversation / are thinking: “The negatives that you're talking about with my husband—some of these are pretty dark negatives. Some of these are negatives that cast such a shadow over the relationship that it's hard for me just to hold things together. How do I turn that into a positive, or what do I do with those negatives? How do I deal with a husband who—man!—the negatives—they're stark, and they're real, and it's really challenging?” Barbara: Yes. Bob: “I'm not married to Dennis.” [Laughter] You know, a wife, who's listening, is saying: “I'm not married to Dennis, who's a godly, virtuous man, who is pursuing a walk with the Lord.  14:00 “I'm married to a guy who's marginally interested in spiritual things, and who's yelling at the kids, and who's drinking too much. What do I do?” Barbara: Well, that's a very complex question, because there are so many levels and degrees of what constitute negatives and difficult things in a relationship. Let me answer it two ways. One is: “Any wife has to start by looking at herself and saying, ‘Okay; God, am I accepting the man that You put in my life? Am I giving thanks for him in his strengths and his weaknesses? Am I looking to You to do the transforming work?'” because you even said in your question—a woman says: “What can I do? How do I relate to him and help transform him?”  Well, it's not the wife's job. I think we so easily get caught up in thinking that it's our responsibility to fix him / to change him. We do that with our kids. We're always helping our kids. We talked about that on another broadcast— 15:00 —that helping a husband is different than helping your kids—but it starts by her attitude and her perspective, and her belief in God and His sovereignty and His ability to work.  It starts with where she's focusing her eyes—is she looking at all of the negative in his life to such a degree that she's totally forgotten all the good that there is? My first challenge is to her: “Are you open to God being at work? Have you totally given up on Him? Are you giving thanks for your relationship the way it is?”  Then, the other side is: “If it really is, indeed, very, very difficult things that are beyond a woman's responsibility to deal with, you may need to see a counselor—you may need to get a pastor or someone who's wise and skilled to intervene—to help you, to coach you, to guide you. Find an older woman who can be your mentor—help give you perspective.  One of the things that's true about us, as women— 16:00 —I had a conversation with my daughter just yesterday on the phone about this—is that it's so easy for us, because of our emotional makeup, to get very overwhelmed by the circumstances of life. A woman, who is married and is discouraged by her relationship with her husband—she can get so overwhelmed to the point that she just doesn't see clearly.  That's why a mentor is so helpful—someone who can look at it objectively and say: “You know, it's probably not as bad as you think it is. Let me give you one or two things that you can try—one or two practical suggestions that might make a difference for you,” because we do lose perspective and we do—we just get all out of sorts. It's very common for us, as women, to get discouraged with our marriages; because we're just discouraged about life in general. Check your heart. Find someone to help you—find a mentor / find another woman, who can speak objectively into your life and say, “It may not be as bad as you think it is, and here are some things you can try.” 17:00 Dennis: What I'd say to my daughters is—I'd say: “Do you remember when you'd get up in the morning and see your mom reading the Bible? What was that symbolic of? It was that your mom was teachable—that she was trying to meet with God and, ultimately, that her hope was in God.”  The woman, who's listening to us right now, who has lost hope—she's got to have a spiritual thermometer check: “How's your relationship with God?” You've got to be reminded of who He is, how He operates in this imperfect world that we live in, and what He's calling us to do, which is live and walk by faith in the power of the Holy Spirit. Barbara: I just want to say to the moms, who are listening, who've got a houseful of kids—or even maybe one or two kids but it feels like a full house to you—I did not get up every morning and read my Bible. My kids didn't see me doing that every day.  18:00 I just don't want anybody listening to think that I was that woman that got up every morning and read my Bible. There were weeks that I would go by and not read my Bible in the morning. I would talk to God / I would pray; and I would try to catch snippets of the Bible, here and there, in different places; but I was pretty overwhelmed and pretty buried with kids and with life.  Yes; I totally agree with what you just said, Dennis, that it is absolutely crucial that your hope is in God and in no place else. Your hope can't be in your husband, because he will fail—that's a given. Put your hope in God—keep it there—and do all that you can to maintain that.  I just don't want anybody to feel like there's this standard of “I have to get up and read my Bible every morning before my kids are up.” If you can do that, great! I couldn't do that, and I failed miserably many times; but my hope remained in Christ for the most part. Dennis: There was a Proverb that I was thinking about as I was thinking about our listeners today, who are going to hear Barbara on this subject— 19:00 —it is Proverbs, Chapter 4, verse 23. We quote it quite frequently, here, on FamilyLife Today—it says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life.” You may not be able to get in the Bible every day—I'm glad you said that, just to remove this mythical phantom that exists of the super-spiritual mom—but your heart needs to know who it is that you serve / who is your hope, and you need to cultivate that.  I'm glad you mentioned a mentor, or a friend, or even a counselor if things really go south—or to keep them from going south—someone that you can lean into and spill out your emotions, in safety, and talk about it—not just being negative— 20:00 —but trying to find someone who can coach you out of the ditch that you may be in. That's what church is all about / that's what the community of faith—of Christ followers—ought to be about. We ought to be meeting each other in our ditches and saying: “You know what? It's safe. We're all broken. There is nobody who's got it all together!” But to maybe dig in with a group of women into a book like this, Bob, and decide: “We're going to get real with each other. We're going to get honest, and we're going to make sure our hope is in the right place.” Bob: I was going to say—at one level, that's what this book is all about. It is a mentoring book. It is an older woman mentoring younger women on what it means to be a wife according to God's design. Dennis: I would just like to say here—and I know I'm biased—so the listeners—they already know that / they've already heard me talk about Barbara in the past—I'm biased toward her. This is not a fluffy, feel-good book.  21:00 This is a real-life book that talks about where you are living, as a woman, wife, mom, grandmother.  I think it is life-giving—it's the words of a wise woman that are bringing life to others, because she's reminding people of the truth. People today need to get away from the culture, and the messages of the culture, and the messages of all their buddies on Facebook® or Twitter®, and they need to dig in deep with someone who'll tell them the real truth and nothing but the truth.  Bob: Yes; if it was just you and you alone with this book, I think that'd be great for your soul; but if it could be you and three or four other women—and you go through this book together—I think the interaction you'll have would just add a dimension to your study, where you'd find help you need from friends—life on life going on—a lot of support that can happen in that environment.  22:00 We have copies of Barbara Rainey's book, Letters to My Daughters, here at FamilyLife Today. I'd encourage you to get three or four copies and get a group of ladies together and plan to go through it this summer. We have a downloadable discussion guide that's available—questions you ask each other as you go through this book. Again, find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us, online; or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. The website: FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  Now, today is the last day of May. As a result, today is the last day that we have available to us matching-gift funds from FamilyLife Today listeners. We had some folks, back at the beginning of the month, who said, “During May, we're going to match every donation you receive, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $786,000.” So, anybody who has made a one-time gift during May, that donation has been matched.  23:00 In addition, our new Legacy Partners—and we have a number of them—“Thank you,” to those of you who have become Legacy Partners this month—your donations are being matched, dollar for dollar, for the next 12 months as long as there is money in the matching-gift fund. And today is the last day for you to sign on and take advantage of this Legacy Partner opportunity for your donations to be doubled for the next year.  In addition, when you become a Legacy Partner today, we're going to send you a certificate that you can use for yourself—or you can share with somebody else—for one of our upcoming Weekend to Remember marriage getaways. The certificate is our way of saying, “Thank you for partnering with us and helping us, together, reach more people with practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and for their family.”  You can sign up to become a Legacy Partner, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  24:00 Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com—or call to become a Legacy Partner or to make a one-time gift: 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  Now, tomorrow, we want to talk about how damaging a critical spirit can be—whether a wife is speaking critically toward her husband or just reflecting a critical spirit—that can really tear into his soul. We'll talk more about that tomorrow with Barbara Rainey. I hope you can be here for that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife® of Little Rock, Arkansas; A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your ManThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the PositiveThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the DifferencesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on GodThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His HelperThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Praising the Positive Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Letters to My Daughters (Day 2 of 2)Air date:                     June 1, 2018  Bob: Barbara Rainey has some advice for wives. She says, when you're husband messes up—and by the way, he will—when it happens, how you respond may determine whether he learns anything from his mistake or not.  Barbara: If you rail on him, and if you criticize him, and you tell him how stupid it was that he made that decision, he may not learn the lesson that God wanted for him; and he may have to repeat it again. The best thing that a wife can do is trust God, even when it's hard, and ask God to use it for good in their life and that God would use it to grow him in that area, where he just blew it royally. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, June 1st. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. The words you say, as a wife, have profound power in your marriage. We'll examine that subject with Barbara Rainey today. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. Have you ever stopped to ponder who you would be: (A) if you had been single all your life or (B) if you'd married somebody other than Barbara? Dennis: Yes; I guess I have because I tried to marry a young lady from SMU before Barbara and I started dating.  Bob: You proposed? Dennis: She didn't want to marry me. No; no—it wasn't at that point. Bob: It was clear enough that you didn't—  Dennis: But there was a DTR—a “define the relationship.” Bob: Yes. Dennis: How she defined it and how I defined it [Laughter]: “Thumbs down, baby!” Bob: Okay. Dennis: “Thumbs down!! You're out of here!” [Laughter]  2:00 It was good because—yes; it was okay, because I wasn't in search of a myth. I wanted a real relationship with a real person.  Back to the previous part of the question, though, Bob: “Have I ever thought about who I would be if I hadn't married Barbara and was single?” I have. I don't visit that picture very often, because that's a horror film. [Laughter] Bob: Pretty ugly? [Laughter] Dennis: She laughed—she's laughing real hard, because she knows what happened behind the curtain. [Laughter] Bob: Are you saying, “Amen,” to that? Is that what that laughter— Barbara: No; I just think that's funny that you said it would be a horror film, because I don't think it would be that bad. Dennis: Well, I don't know what you would compare marriage to—that teaches you how to love, that instructs you in how to sacrifice for another person, to care for, to cherish, to nourish, and to call you away from yourself, and force— 3:00 —I mean, if you're going to do marriage God's way, it is the greatest discipleship tool that has ever been created in the history of the universe!  Bob: Yes.  Dennis: It demands that both a husband and a wife pick up their cross, follow Christ, deny themselves, and ask God, “Okay; God, what do You want me to do in this set of circumstances?” Bob: And that's true. It works both ways—for husbands and wives—but our focus this week is on the responsibility a wife has—the privilege she has / the assignment she has—from God to be the helper that He's created her to be.  Barbara, we're talking about some of the themes that are found in your book, Letters to My Daughters. Some women recoil at the idea that they're called to be helpers. It sounds demeaning to them. Your book affirms that it's a noble thing that God is calling wives to.  4:00 Barbara: It is a very noble assignment that God has given us. It's equally noble, I think, to the calling that God has put on a man's life too. What makes it even better is that, together, marriage is a high and holy calling—it says that in Scripture. It also says that it's a mystery. I think that's the part that we wish God hadn't said about it, because it would be nice if it was a little bit more black and white / more obvious. But God says it is a mystery. God is an artist / God is an author—God didn't make robots. So figuring this out—this uniqueness / this relationship that Dennis and I have that's unlike anybody else's relationship on the planet—just as your marriage with Mary Ann is unlike anybody else's on the planet—the ingenuity of God to create these little duos all over the planet that represent Him / that are a picture of Christ and the Church—all of that mystery is profound and baffling.  We wish sometimes that marriage was a whole lot easier, but it illustrates that it is a very high and noble calling.  5:00 We think it is drudgery / we think it's dispensable—and it's not. Dennis: Yes; in the book that Barbara has written, called Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife, you quote Mike Mason. Speaking of mysteries, he wrote a book called The Mystery of Marriage. This comes from that book—he says this: “Love convinces a couple that they are the greatest romance that has ever been, that no two people have ever loved as they do, and that they will sacrifice absolutely anything in order to be together.” Then I love the conclusion to the statement—it says, “And then marriage asks them to prove it.” Well, that's what's at stake. You've got this noble relationship that wasn't created by man—it was created by Almighty God. His image is stamped all over a marriage that seeks to follow His blueprints for what He wants us to do.  6:00 He's trying to teach us how to love—how to love sacrificially / how to give up our lives on behalf of another. You're never going to be able to do it if you try to have it your way.  Bob: I would love for you to expand on something that I just had to stop and ponder it for a second. You said what a wife believes about her husband is the starting place for everything she says or doesn't say about her husband.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: And what you believe about Dennis is the starting place for everything you say or don't say about him. Barbara: Correct. Bob: Unpack that for me. Barbara: Well, let me explain something about photography that I think will help answer your question for you. Anybody, who has ever used a 35mm camera that has a lens that you turn so you can focus, understands the principle that the person who is holding the camera chooses what's going to be in that image.  7:00 You can choose a broad panorama, and you can get as much in that frame as you can get; or you may choose to tighten that zoom lens and focus on somebody's eyes only.  You've got great choice, as the photographer, in what you're going to get in that lens of the camera; and the same is true in marriage. I have complete control over what people know about my husband. If I'm talking about Dennis and I talk about his faults—or I talk about “How crummy it is that he just doesn't ever do this,” and “I think it's terrible that he doesn't ever do that,”—anybody who hears that description that I just made of him will think of him that way. When they think of him, they're going to remember that. But, on the other hand, if I choose to leave that out of the description and, instead, I choose to describe—for my friends, or my small group, or wherever I am talking about him—and I say: “You know, one of the things that I appreciate so much about Dennis is that he really makes our family a priority.  8:00 “Yes; he travels. Yes; sometimes he has to stay late and work / sometimes he is gone on the weekends, but I know that his heart is to make our family a priority.” That's focusing the lens of my camera on what is good and what is right about my husband. If he knows that I'm saying that about him, he's going to want to live up to that expectation. Bob: Some wives will hear you say that and say: “You want me to airbrush my husband. You want me to just brush away and pretend like all those flaws that are there just don't exist and just pretend like he's better than he is.” Barbara: Okay; and I would say to her: “How does God see you? Is God pointing out to you the hundreds of things that you do wrong every day? Um, I don't think so. He's very gentle and very gracious, and He shows us one thing at a time that we do wrong.” I just think that:  Okay; you want to call it airbrushing? Alright, I'll take that— 9:00 —it may be airbrushing—but I would rather focus on what he does right than what he does wrong; because when I focus on what he does wrong—and I have done that—all I can see are the things he does wrong. They grow, and they just become these huge things. I become obsessed with everything that's wrong and everything he's not doing that's right, and that's not fun! I don't like that about me!  I don't want him to be focusing on all my weaknesses and all my flaws. I don't want him talking about my weaknesses and flaws to other people; because I don't like them / I don't want to be known for what is wrong with me. I want to be known for what I do well and what I do right. The same is true for him.  Yes; I airbrush it—I don't talk about the things that he does wrong or his weaknesses or his flaws—that's for him to deal with before the Lord. That's not my business; that's his business. Bob: You're not living in denial about those things? Barbara: No; no. Dennis: That doesn't mean that the airbrush doesn't get turned off at a point.  Bob: —and the flaws are exposed? [Laughter] 10:00 Barbara: Well, or that I talk about them with him, from time to time. Dennis: Yes. Bob: And you're not being unrealistic about the nature of your relationship. Barbara: No. Bob: But I think what I hear you saying—and this goes back to where we started—what a wife says about her husband is going to begin with what she's thinking about her husband. Barbara: Correct. Bob: And she can choose— Barbara: Correct. Bob: —whether to dwell on all of his flaws or whether to set her mind on those things that are his virtues. Barbara: Yes. Bob: And every husband's got at least a couple of them; right? Barbara: Yes; well, if he doesn't, why did you marry him? I mean, all of us got married because we admired something about this man that we fell in love with; so focus on those things.  I remember, years and years ago, when we were in a new church that we were a part of—it was a fairly small church—and we had this community group of other couples that we met together every couple of weeks. I remember standing in a small group of maybe three or four of us.  11:00 This wife started talking about her husband—she was talking negatively about her husband. I'll never forget that uncomfortable feeling that all of us in that little, tiny circle felt. We just felt kind of: “Ouch! Oooh! That hurts! I don't know that I want to hear that about your husband.”  Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him, standing not that far away. I think he had heard what she said. I have just never forgotten that picture, even though it was probably 30 years ago / maybe 20 years ago—but it was a long time ago—because I saw what the power of her words did. I saw what it did to me—it made me, as a listener, uncomfortable. It made me wonder about him, as a man. And then, when I saw that he heard, it was like an ice pick to his heart. I realized how powerful our words are as wives. 12:00 My whole intention, in what I share in this chapter about this, is to help women understand that your words are very, very significant. Those who hear them are going to be influenced by what we say. Dennis: There's a proverb that is so applicable here—Proverbs 18:21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Barbara: Yes. Dennis: You, literally, have the opportunity to use your tongue like a paint brush to paint a positive picture or like an ice pick to tear another person down. To the woman, who is listening to us—or for that matter, a man, who may be listening in right now—if you're a critical person / if you're negative, you need to ask God to do a work in your soul. You know, no one wants to be in the corner of an attic with a cranky woman or a cranky man, who is bitter, and negative, and all they can do is find fault.  13:00 That's not who you want to grow old with.  What you need to ask—you need to ask God to do a work in your soul and to help release you from being critical of your husband or your wife and find a way to begin to focus on—as Barbara is calling women to do here—to focus on that which is positive in their spouse—why you married them in the first place and what you like about them. Brag on your wife / brag on your husband in front of the kids. Bob: One of the things Dennis has shared over the years—you've heard him say it—your belief in him has been massive in terms of his confidence in doing what God's called him to do. I'm just wondering: “Was that just natural to express belief in him? Was that just something that came instinctively to you; or were you conscious and deliberate about saying, ‘I need to verbalize to him; I need to express confidence in him'?” Barbara: The answer is, “Yes,” to both; because I think most of us women, when we first get married, we marry this guy because we believe in him— 14:00 —we think he's the greatest. Most women marry with those thoughts, those feelings, and those emotions. I think that what happens is—when we do get disillusioned, and we do find discouragements, and we butt heads because we're different—that belief can come down with it. Then, that's when it becomes a choice. In the beginning, it was really easy for me to believe in him, because I just did believe in him—that's why I married him. But then there come those times, farther into the relationship, when belief becomes a choice. So rather than expressing—and it's not that I don't express fear / it's not that I don't express anxiety, because I express plenty of that—but the bottom line is: “In the end, no matter what, I believe in you. I believe that God is at work in your life and in our marriage. I believe that God is going to see us through this, and I'm going to be with you there to the bitter end.” 15:00 Dennis: And what I'd want a woman to know is—no matter how competent and confident a man looks—whether he's young or whether he's older; it does not matter—there isn't a man, within the reach of my voice right now, over the radio / across the country, who doesn't need his wife's steady and certain words of affirmation and belief. He needs it. I don't care if he says nothing to you when you say it. The words are sinking and soaking into his soul, because there are not that many people in a lifetime—in fact, I'd ask the question: “Is there anyone who goes a lifetime with you and who believes in you all the way to the end?” The answer is, “Who would it be?” Bob: Yes. Dennis: “Who's going to do that?” That's the nature of marriage! When you say, “I take you ‘til death do us part, for better or for worse, in riches and in being poor,”— 16:00 —wow!—it's the pay-off! Barbara: Yes. Dennis: It's not always easy. We're not trying to paint some kind of rosy picture here, but it is a necessity. Bob: There has to have been a time—and I don't know if it will come to mind immediately for you or not—but a time when you were facing a decision and you were thinking, “I think we should do this”; and Dennis was thinking, “No; I think we should do this”; and you said: “Okay; I'm going to trust you. I'm going to follow you”; and it turned out that it would have been better off if you'd have done it your way.  I'm just wondering—for a wife in that situation, where she goes, “I think this is the right thing to do”; the husband says, “We're going this way”; they go down a dead-end; and the wife finds herself, in that moment, thinking, “If he'd have just listened to me, we'd be in a lot better shape right now than we are!” What does she do in that moment? Barbara: Well, I can't think of a specific time, but there have been times like— 17:00 —for instance, driving in the car, when he would choose to go one way; and I am thinking, “I don't think that's the right way!” Sure enough, it wasn't. That hasn't happened very often, but it has happened. I remember one time, early in our marriage, when we were discussing a financial decision. I don't remember thinking it was a bad decision at the time; but it was a bad decision, and it cost us financially.  Regardless, it doesn't really matter—if it's a big thing or a small thing—because the choice is still the same, in the end, for a wife; that is, even when he makes bad decisions—and he will / when he decides to do things that will cost you—and he will—will you still believe in him? Will you still trust God? Will you put your faith in God's sovereignty that God can turn this into good in his life? Maybe that's exactly what he needed to experience to grow in the way God wanted him to grow. 18:00 If you rail on him, and if you criticize him, and you tell him how stupid it was that he made that decision, he may not learn the lesson that God wanted for him; and he may have to repeat it again. The best thing that a wife can do is trust God, even when it's hard, and ask God to use it for good in their life and that God would use it to grow him in that area, where he just blew it royally; because men are going to make big mistakes. It's how we respond to that mistake that will make the difference in whether or not he benefits from it or he can't benefit from it because he's been beat up by his wife. Dennis: This is not an easy message for a lot of listeners to hear, but I just want you to comment on why you decided to write a book that is called Letters to My Daughters to call them to the art / the biblical art of being a wife. Why did you want to do that?  19:00 Barbara: Well, I think our culture has lost the vision for what marriage can be—what it was intended to be. Yes; we have all seen countless examples of marriage done the wrong way, but that doesn't mean marriage is broken. It means the people are broken who are in it. I want the next generation to understand that marriage is really worth working on. It is transformative; it is redemptive; it is holy. There are so many good things about marriage; but we don't see those good things, commonly, in our culture—we see all the negatives. I tell the story about: “What would it be like if you went to the Louvre Museum in Paris, with all these great, magnificent art works? And what if, while you were standing in line to get your ticket, there was an earthquake? And after you got your ticket, you walked in, and half of these masterpieces were lying on the floor. There were still half of them on the wall / there were still statues and all of these magnificent things around— 20:00 —what would your eyes be drawn to? Your eyes would be drawn to the tragedy, to the loss, to the broken pieces lying all over the floor.”  I think that's a picture of our culture. We see all of these wrecked marriages—we see these abused women, we see these lost men, we see the damaged children—and we just think: “Marriage is hopeless. Why should I even try?” What I want to do in this book is say: “Look at what's on the wall! Look at what God has said. Look at what God has designed. That is our goal. Don't get distracted by the broken pieces. It's tragic; it's wrong; it's sad; but the institution of marriage is still worthy—it's still worth striving for. God didn't make a mistake when He made marriage. We're the ones who are messing it up. Dennis: And Bob, I think about what Barbara is challenging people with is:  21:00 “Just because people have failed, don't give up on what the Bible—the transcendent beauty and model of the Scriptures—and what it's calling us to be, as human beings; and to call us away from our selfishness; to call us to the biblical model of following Jesus Christ—and training our kids to do the same.  I'm going to tell you something—there's a lot on the line in every marriage that is listening to us right now. Generations are on the line. Your children—the best picture that they'll ever see, apart from the Scriptures, of what a real marriage ought to be is your marriage.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: Even in its imperfections, it can display what Barbara is talking about—the nobility / the grandeur. Your kids will see something—that they are going to say: “You know what? Mom and Dad could have ended it, but they didn't! They experienced the redemption of Jesus Christ. I want what they've got!   22:00 “When I get married, I want one of those! And I'm not going to settle for anything less.” The way they get it is by absorbing your teaching about Jesus Christ, and following Him, and deciding to make their parents' faith their own; but that means the parents need to have it first. Bob: Yes; this is something I know you guys are writing about, right now, in the book, The Art of Parenting—that is going to be out in a few months. It's a part of what we talk about in FamilyLife®'s Art of Parenting™ video series that's available now. The priority of your marriage for the long-term health of your children—it's vital; it's where it all begins. I'd encourage listeners: “If you haven't checked out the Art of Parenting video series, it's available right now. There's also an online course. You can check it out when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.”  Of course, we've got Barbara's book, Letters to My Daughters; that's available as well. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy of Letters to My Daughters.  23:00 Again, our website: FamilyLifeToday.com. If you have any questions about any of these resources, call us at 1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  Let me take just a minute here and say, “Thank you,” to those of you who became Legacy Partners during the month of May. We don't have the final numbers today, but we're so grateful to have heard from so many people all across the country. Some of the stories you shared—thank you for just sharing with us how God's used FamilyLife in your life. I know that's the reason that a lot of you have become regular contributors to this ministry, because God's used FamilyLife Today in your life—our events, our resources, our website, this program. Thank you for helping us make this possible for others by becoming one of our Legacy Partners. We're grateful for that, and we do appreciate your ongoing support for this ministry. Keep praying for us, if you will.  24:00 And we hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we're going to talk about what you do if the family you came from had serious dysfunction—I mean, all of us had some level of dysfunction; right?—but what if you came from a broken family? How do you start something new? Elizabeth Oates is going to be with us, and we hope you can be here as well.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We will see you Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.    Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your ManThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the PositiveThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the DifferencesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on GodThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His HelperThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Embracing the Differences Guest:                        Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Letters to My Daughters (Day 1 of 3)Air date:                     February 15, 2016  Bob: Engaged couples often look at one another and think, “We're so much alike!” Then, after they have been married for a little while, they look at each other and think, “Who are you?!” Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: What happens when we're engaged—we tend to think: “Oh, we're so much alike. We love each other so much—we'll never have clashes.” I think one of the first difficulties for most young couples is they're caught off guard by these differences. They don't know what to do with them—they go from being cute and attractive to being downright ugly or frustrating. All of a sudden, what was cute isn't so cute anymore; and you think, “Now what do I do?” Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, February 15th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. So what advice would you give to young wives and their husbands about the adjustments we make in marriage? We're going to hear what Barbara Rainey has to say about that today. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I am really enjoying learning lots of new things about you, Barbara. Dennis: You're eavesdropping. Bob: Well, it's legitimate eavesdropping because of what your wife's been writing about. This has been so much fun to read. [Laughter] Dennis: I think I want to welcome her to FamilyLife Today—Sweetheart. Barbara: Maybe we don't; huh? [Laughter] Dennis: This is my bride, and she has plenty of stories to tell. Bob: And she has just recently—by the way, welcome, Barbara—nice to have you here. Barbara: Thank you, Bob. Bob: You've been collecting these stories, not to share with the world your stories, but really to mentor—you've become an e-mentor; haven't you? Barbara: Yes. I'm really writing this for six women / six young women, who happen to be my four daughters and two daughters-in-law—to share with them the lessons that I've learned over all these years of marriage in hopes that it will encourage them, and give them hope, and help them—help them persevere for the long haul. 2:00 Dennis: But it actually started—back to Bob's point about—from an e-mentoring standpoint—really started on the internet— Barbara: It did. That's right; I had forgotten. Dennis: —as you were writing emails to your daughters and daughters-in-law so that you'd be able to coach them / encourage them in the process. Bob: Did you start doing this right after Ashley got married? Barbara: No; actually, it was after our two boys got married. They got married the same summer—the summer of 2001. One of those two girls asked me if I would give her some advice on being a wife. I thought: “Wow! She really wants my advice?” I thought, “If she cracked the door open a little bit, I'm going to just walk right on through while the door's open!” I said, “Sure, I'd love to!”  I began writing a series of letters in the fall of 2001 to my two brand-new daughters-in-law and to my daughter, Ashley, who, by then, had been married four years. Bob: A lot of—a wife will hear you say that and they'll think, ““Boy, if somebody asked me, I wouldn't know where to start or what to say.”  3:00 But it sounds like you were ready to dive right in with wisdom. Barbara: Well, I don't know that I would say it that way, but I was ready to dive in—in the sense that I felt like, “Now was the time,” because all new brides are extremely teachable—they're eager, they want to learn, they want to do it right, they don't want to make mistakes—they really love this guy they just married. They're most teachable and most coachable in those early years. I wanted to begin by sort of exploiting that—in a sense, in a good way—by saying: “Here are some things that I learned / here are some lessons I learned along the way. Here are some stories of what we went through / what I've learned from it. Perhaps, it will be helpful.” Dennis: Over the years, we've—who knows how many hundreds of Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways have been held by FamilyLife—we've looked into the eyes of those in attendance.  4:00 It does seem that the engaged couples and the newly-marrieds are, not only on a steep learning curve, but they're much more teachable and kind of spongy in terms of soaking in the truth. What we wanted to do—and what I encouraged Barbara to do with this book—is take advantage of a window into the soul to speak a lot of relevant truth that she's learned, as a woman from the Scriptures and from other older women who have coached her, and really help these young wives get started on the right trajectory.  Bob: They didn't ask you about a specific subject. They just said, “Help me be a wife.” How did you know, “Okay; I'll start here”? Barbara: Well, what I did is—I just thought back to those early days in our marriage and tried to remember: “What were the lessons that I learned? What did I do right? What did I do wrong?” Bob: Like that early romantic date that Dennis took you on? Barbara: Yes, like that one. Bob: Tell our listeners about—[Laughter] Barbara: You like this; don't you? [Laughter] 5:00 Bob: —how ““Prince Charming” swept you off your feet. [Laughter] Barbara: Yes. While we were dating in the summer of 1972, which was of course in the dark ages—one Saturday / it was probably on a Friday afternoon Dennis asked if I wanted to hang out on Saturday afternoon. I said, “Sure.” He picked me up in his— Bob: Now, let me interrupt you just so we get a context. Barbara: Okay. Bob: You guys had been friends for years— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —since college.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: Right. Bob: [To Barbara] After college, you went to the east coast and worked with Campus Crusade. Barbara: Correct. Dennis: University of South Carolina. Bob: [To Dennis] Where did you go? Dennis: I was in Dallas/Ft. Worth area, working with high school kids.  Bob: You kept up your friendship—  Barbara: Yes. Bob: —but there was nothing romantic between the two of you. Barbara: No, nothing romantic. We had been really good friends for three years. I really thought of Dennis as a brother—he was just a great, great friend. Dennis: She showed up in Dallas and needed to be shown around—kind of where everything was / kind of how you get around—so I'd pick her up, take her to work. Bob: Now, were you thinking of her like your sister at this point? 6:00 Dennis: Yes, I really was. It was not romantic—it really wasn't—which is really a cheap shot on your part—[Laughter]—to call out this thing that I took her on as a romantic date because we were just hanging out! Barbara: That's right—we were. Bob: Was this before—this date we're about to talk about—was this before or after you had tried to hold hands with her in the parking lot? Dennis: Way before. Barbara: I have no idea. Dennis: Way before. Bob: Really? Barbara: I would think so—yes. Dennis: Oh, yes; oh, yes. Bob: Okay. Barbara: I would guess. Bob: It's just friends: “Hey, do you want to hang out tomorrow?” Dennis: Yes. I'd take her back to her apartment, and we'd kind of sit on the stairs and talk— Barbara: Yes. Bob: Just visit. Dennis: —until about 2:00 in the morning—[Laughter]—just like a couple of friends. Barbara: Yes. Bob: Yes. Barbara: Yes. [Dennis laughing] Bob: Okay. So he says, “Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” and he comes and picks you up. Barbara: He did.  Bob: Did you know where you were going? Barbara: You know, I don't remember—it was too long ago. I don't remember if I knew or not, but I knew it was casual. I knew we were going to go on a picnic. He took me to some remote place outside of Dallas/Ft. Worth— 7:00 Bob: Now wait. I've got to stop you here. You're taking her on a picnic. You're not taking your buddy—“Let's go hang out,”— on a picnic. There's more going on here in your mind [Barbara laughing] than just, “Let's hang out together.” Dennis: She needed to understand where the riverbanks were— Bob: Alright.  Barbara: Like I really care! Bob: We understand one another here; okay. So he picks you up? [Laughter] Barbara: Yes. We take off to parts unknown because I'd never really been in Texas in my life. I didn't know where we were going, but I trusted him. We show up at this stream, or river, or pool of water, or something—I don't know where it was! Dennis: I don't know where it was—it was below a dam somewhere. Barbara: Gosh; I couldn't begin to tell you. Dennis: It was murky / it was fishy-smelling. It was a great date! Barbara: All I know is he pulls out a fishing pole—fishing rod / fishing thing—I didn't know what a fishing thing was! [Laughter] Oh, how funny! Bob: One of the things you observed or learned, when you shared this story with your daughters—it was really to talk about the fact that, in relationships, you've got to make some adjustments and be ready for the fact that you're two very different people. Barbara: Exactly; because after we married, about three months later, we moved to Colorado.  8:00 In Colorado, there was abundant fishing.  Bob: You married three months later—after the fishing date? Barbara: Yes! Dennis: You caught up on that small detail. [Laughter] Bob: I just thought our listeners ought to be aware. [Laughter] It went from zero to sixty. Dennis: I'm a man of action, Bob. Bob: This was a sports car relationship. [Laughter] So, from the day you said, “Will you…” to the day you said, “I do,”— Barbara: —was six weeks. Bob: Six weeks? Barbara: Six weeks. Bob: You said, “I'll be the Fish Queen for as long as we both shall live.” [Laughter] Dennis: Then, on our honeymoon, I took her camping and trout fishing. [Laughter] We need to get to the point of the book though—she's talking about how we, as men and women, are different. Barbara: That's right. Dennis: I mean, we did start out our marriage—really, not polar opposites—because we enjoyed one another. Barbara: Yes, we had a great time; but, had you asked me what I would have pictured for the early years of our marriage, I would not have pictured traipsing around in the mountains—  9:00 —fishing, and camping, and all of those things—because none of that was a part of my background, growing up. They were totally brand-new experiences. I learned, by those experiences, that marrying someone is merging together two vastly different—not just personalities—but life experiences. As Dennis used to say, all the time, “It's like merging two countries.” Bob: Yes. Barbara: Because we are very different, as men and women—we're very different in our life experiences / our outlook—everything is different. So those early years are years of discovery. What you do with what you discover sets the tone and the foundation for your marriage. Bob: Obviously, we're talking to Barbara Rainey, who is joining us today on FamilyLife Today. We're talking about the wisdom that you want to pass on to younger women—specifically to your daughters—about being a wife. You've just written a book called Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife. 10:00 What are the big ideas that you want to pass on to your daughters in this area of marital differences? Barbara: First of all—the first big idea is that there are going to be differences. It‘s normal to be diametrically opposite on all kinds of fronts. Because what happens—when we're engaged / and dating but then engaged—we tend to think: “Oh, we're so much alike, and we love each other so much—we'll never have clashes. Yes; if we do, we can handle them. We love each other so much that it's not going to be difficult.”  I think one of the first difficulties for most young couples is they're caught off guard by these differences. They don't know what to do with them—they go from being cute and attractive to being downright ugly or frustrating.  Bob: Yes. Barbara: All of a sudden, what was cute isn't so cute anymore; and you think, “Now, what do I do?” Bob: We have this tendency to think different means wrong. Barbara: Wrong; yes. 11:00 Bob: “This is the way I think; and it's the way I think naturally. So I must be right; and if you think differently, we need to fix you so you think like me.” Barbara: Yes. Bob: That's part of the awakening and adjusting that both wives and husbands have to do in the early stages of a relationship; right? Barbara: Exactly; because that's one of the beautiful things about marriage—is how it broadens our perspective. I write about that in telling these stories about fishing. I knew nothing about fishing; but because of who I married, the horizons of my life have been greatly expanded and broadened. I could have either fought that, and resisted that, and said: “I don't want any part of that! That's foreign to me. I don't like it”; but by embracing who he was, and his differences as a person, my life is much richer because of that.  I think, if we can encourage these young wives—and husbands too / but this is for the wives right now—to welcome those differences as an opportunity to grow as an individual, it will make it easier. Dennis: I like what you wrote in your book here— 12:00 —you said: “These new realities created some minor earthquakes in my life—rumblings that shook my familiar, comfortable foundation. I was discovering that we were not as much alike as I'd originally thought. We were opposites who were attracted to one another but found ourselves, like magnets, that repel each other.” And then she goes on to write about how I would make a decision compared to how she would make one.  Bob: Yes. Dennis: I'd see something that needed to be done or something I felt like we ought to go do—I'd process at the speed of light and off we'd go.  Bob: Right. Dennis: Barbara, on the other hand, processes a little slower. In fact— Barbara: —a lot slower. Dennis: —a lot slower. Barbara: Is that what you were going to say? Bob: A little more thoughtfully—with a little broader perspective. Dennis: I've been enriched by that, but I promise you—if, early in our marriage, we had set up war with one another in two separate bunkers.  13:00 You could easily have built a case between two very different people, who had started out their marriage together, but now really can't get along and don't see one another—as we teach at the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway—as “God's perfect gift for you.” Bob: You describe how you began to approach these differences in your marriage. You call it the “Bookend Principle.” Barbara: Yes. Bob: Explain what that is. Barbara: The Bookend Principle is something that Dennis and I practiced with one another; and then, after the fact, sort of came up with the name for that. What we have done through the years is—when we've had disagreements over our differences or conversations trying to understand one another—we would say to each other: “I love you, and I would marry you all over again. This may be hard, this may be confusing, this may be difficult—it may not be fixed in a single conversation, like we would always like; but that's okay. I love you and I'm committed to you, and I would do it all over again.” 14:00 That statement of reaffirmation of our vows and commitment to one another provides a level of security to continue to have these discussions about our differences. I think it's a good habit. It was a good habit for us because you can get so caught up in how different we are—and how his differences grate on me or make life difficult for me and my differences make life difficult for him—that you can subtly switch to becoming enemies rather than allies. Bob: Were there times, or events, or evenings when you weren't sure you loved him and you weren't sure you'd marry him all over again? Barbara: No. There were times when I didn't feel loving—without question—but I never got to the place where I thought, “This was a big mistake,” because I knew that God had called us to marry each other. I knew that we were doing what we were supposed to do. So, therefore, if this was God's will, and it was, then He would enable us to figure it out with time. Bob: That issue was settled. Barbara: Yes; “Done.” Bob: That wasn't open for reevaluation— Barbara: No. Bob: —reexamination— Barbara: No. Bob: —re-discussion.  15:00 At some point—when you stood and said, “I do,”—the ships were burned. You weren't going to reconsider whether— Barbara: I think that's the mistake too many young couples are making today—is they get into it, and it becomes difficult—instead of saying, “We can work this out,” they say, “Gosh; we must have made a mistake.” They move to, “This is a mistake, and maybe there's a way out,” rather than, “We can find a way through this / we can make it work,” and stick with it for the long haul. Dennis: I look back on our marriage. I don't remember ever entertaining the thought. And I mean by entertaining—I'm talking about cultivating the thought that I'd made a mistake. I do wonder, looking back on it—this Bookend Principle of kind of starting out with a commitment that says, “I love you,” and then maybe, in the midst of an argument or after the argument has been exhausted, you say again: “I'm committed to you. I'd marry you all over again.”  16:00 It creates a safe place for two imperfect, very different people to hammer out their relationship together. I think we're an instant culture that is not used to having to take a lifetime to achieve this thing called “oneness.” What we were doing, back then—we were going through some very hard ground. I mean, it had not been plowed before—two very independent people—who had joined together in marriage, and who did rub one another the wrong way, and who, in their differences, missed each other over, and over, and over again—and, as a result, mis-communicated, disappointed, hurt one another. How do you maintain a relationship in the midst of that if you're not committed?   Bob: I think it's important because we can laugh about fishing dates, and whether you like fishing or not; but a lot of folks, who are listening, are going, “Look, our differences are not around whether you like fishing or not— Barbara: Yes; exactly. 17:00 Bob: “Our differences are around core, fundamental, deeply-held issues in life. The fact that we're miles apart on this—I just don't know how to live with a husband / or a wife who does not embrace what's dear to me at the center of my being.” Barbara: Yes. That is a very difficult place to be. Even though Dennis and I never really had a crisis quite to that depth, we missed each other plenty of times. There are seasons in a marriage when it's very dry and when there doesn't feel like there's much life. I would have to say that: “There is hope. There's always hope, as long as we have breath, that if you are committed and you are teachable—both of you are teachable—and you hang in there, there will be a solution, given time.” I think that we expect too much too quickly. We would like to have it happen quickly—I would like to have it happen more quickly too, but that's just not the way of a marriage.  18:00 A marriage is slow, steady growth over a long length of time.  Dennis: If you go back to Genesis, Chapters 2 and 3, the way God commands a marriage to start is He commanded a man and a woman to leave father and mother. He commanded them to cleave to one another / to be committed to one another. And third, He commanded them to receive one another—to receive the other person as God's gift for you. If you practice those three concepts—leave, cleave, and receive—over, and over, and over again—if you practice that in your marriage / especially, in the early years—it doesn't mean it's ever going to be easy. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: I asked Barbara how she would summarize our marriage. I was kind of hoping for “romantic,” [Laughter] “chill bumps”— Barbara: —“wonderful.” Dennis: You know? But instead, you said? Barbara: “It's been hard.” Dennis: “Hard work.” Barbara: “Hard work”; yes. 19:00 Dennis: Lots of hard work. I think a lot of young couples—and for that matter, older couples—are starting out marriages today not really expecting it to be as challenging and to demand perseverance like it does Bob: I just have to come back around here because you're right in this section of your book that—not only did your marriage start off with fishing—but through the years you've learned to enjoy hunting with your husband? [Laughter] Is that true? Barbara: Well, not by his definition; no. Not by— Dennis: I was waiting for the answer to that question. Bob: I'm going to read to you what you wrote. Barbara: Okay; okay. Read what I wrote. Bob: “And I have learned to appreciate hunting.” Barbara: Yes, “appreciate it.” Bob: Maybe “appreciate” is a better word than— Barbara: “Appreciate” is a better word. Yes Bob: “I actually went with him on an elk hunt a few years ago— Barbara: Yes. I did. Bob: — “with the camo, the face paint, and the human scent killers sprayed on my body.” Barbara: [Laughing] I did! Barbara and Bob: “Aren't you impressed?” [Laughter] Bob: That's what you say right here: “Aren't you impressed?” [Laughter]  20:00  “We hiked and hiked and snuck up on a herd of elk hiding behind trees like clandestine spies following a double agent down a dark alley in Eastern Europe. It was really fun!” Barbara: It was fun! [Laughter] Bob: But the point is that we're going to face these differences in the first years of our marriage.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: Some of them crop up ten years in—fifteen. It's a life-long process of understanding “We're different,” and making those adjustments. Barbara: Exactly. That really is the point that I'm trying to make with these girls—is that the differences are there—they're not to be changed and they're going to be there for life. I think we somehow assume, early on, that a lot of this stuff is going to subside, or change, or moderate; but who we are is who we are.  I'm just amazed at how little really changes over time. You either fight it, and resent it, and resist it, or you join and learn to actually enjoy it and appreciate it.  21:00 Now, do I love to go hunting? No. I enjoyed that because it was active. We were hiking in the mountains, and it was beautiful. Dennis: And it was warm. Barbara: And it was reasonably warm; yes. But the kind of hunting that he is often inviting me to go on—which I have refused—is the kind where you get up at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, in the winter, and you go sit. You can't talk / you can hardly breathe, and it's freezing. [Laughter] Hiking in the mountains—we could talk as we went—until we actually saw the elk / then we had to be quiet. It was a much different kind of experience so I could appreciate that one. But sitting in a deer stand—I've done it once and I'm not real interested in going there again. Bob: The point is—you don't have to be interested in going there again to make your marriage work. This is a part of the dance. One of your chapters in your book, “Marriage Is Like Beautiful Dancing”—  22:00 —“Part of the dance is understanding what we do together and where it's better to leave each other some space and some time to do things apart.” Barbara: Yes. Bob: I just think you have given some real great practical wisdom to a lot of wives in what you've written in your book, Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife. It's brand new, and you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and ask for the book, Letters to My Daughters, when you get in touch with us. Now, as both of you guys know, this is our 40th anniversary as a ministry—2016. All year long, we are celebrating anniversaries. Today, we want to congratulate Abigail and Angelo Pinheiro. They live in Princeton, New Jersey. They listen to FamilyLife Today on WFIL. They're celebrating 21 years of marriage today. “Congratulations!” to the Pinheiros—“Happy Anniversary!”  23:00 We'd love to help you celebrate your anniversary this year. In fact, if you will go to FamilyLifeToday.com and leave us your anniversary date, we'll have some suggestions for you this year on how this year's anniversary can be the best anniversary ever. It's all because we are the “Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries.” There are a lot of anniversaries that have happened over the years because of how God has used FamilyLife in people's lives for 40 years now. Thanks to those of you who make FamilyLife possible. We're listener-supported—we depend on your donations in order for this ministry to exist. This month, we're hoping that God might raise up, in every state where FamilyLife Today is heard, 20 new families who would join us as Legacy Partners. We're asking you—if you're a regular FamilyLife Today listener / if God's used this ministry in your life: “Would you be one of the families in your state to help support this program?”  It's easy to do—go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, “DONATE.”  24:00 There is information there about becoming a Legacy Partner or about how you can make a one-time gift to FamilyLife Today. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call and say, “I'm interested in becoming a Legacy Partner.” We'll explain the whole process to you when you call 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  Now, tomorrow, we're going to talk about the spiritual foundation in a marriage and how important that is. Barbara Rainey will be back with us. Hope you can be here as well. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your ManThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the PositiveThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the DifferencesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on GodThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His HelperThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Leaning on God Guest:                        Barbara Rainey                                            From the series:       Letters to My Daughters (Day 2 of 3)Air date:                     February 16, 2016                 Bob: Barbara Rainey says there's a lesson that every couple needs to learn really early in their marriage. The lesson is this: “You can't do this on your own.” Barbara: The bottom line is going to be the same for the rest of your life; and that is, when God brings you to a place that you realize you cannot do this thing called marriage, you can't do this thing called mothering, you can't even do the Christian life on your own—that you come to Him and you say: “I give up. I surrender—Your will, not mine.” Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, February 16th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We'll find out today just how important it is to have a spiritual foundation poured in your marriage if you're going to try to build a home on top of it. Stay tuned.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I'm curious—did you think, when you and Barbara, in the summer of 1972—I guess September of '72 / late summer; right? Dennis: Right; right. Bob: That's when the two of you stood and faced one another and said your vows. Dennis: It was still summer in Houston. Bob: Did you think, “This is going to be a breeze,” or did you think, “I know there will be some challenges”? Dennis: I just didn't think. [Laughter] Honestly! I was in love. I was committed. I was ready to get on with life with my new bride and my new love. Honestly, I didn't do a lot of cost-counting; but I did make a commitment. Bob: We heard your wife laugh as you said, “I wasn't really thinking.” Barbara, welcome to FamilyLife Today. Barbara: Thank you. Dennis: Were you thinking, Barbara? Barbara: Not much more than you were. Bob: But were you confident? Barbara: Yes, I really was. Bob: Did you start marriage, thinking, “I can do this”? Barbara: Yes; I really did because I had grown up in a good home. My parents were not divorced. I had seen them work out their marriage and—though there were things I wanted to do differently—I felt like I could do this. Added to that, I was doubly confident because I was a Christian and my husband was. We were not just pew-warmers / we were committed Christ followers. I thought: “This is guaranteed to work because we've got the right ingredients: We love each other. We love the Lord. We are going to do this the right way. We're going to follow the instructions in the Bible—A+B=C. It's going to work out great!” Bob: The reason we're exploring this is because you've been spending a lot of time, recently, working on editing a series of letters—actually, emails that grew into letters. Barbara: Yes. Bob: Letters that you've written over the years to your daughters and your daughters-in-law, where you've just offered counsel from your own life and experience about getting married. Barbara: Yes. I started writing this series of letters the summer that both of our sons got married. It wasn't so much that I wanted to teach them—and I was invited to do so by the way—I didn't do this without an invitation. It was that I wanted to encourage them by sharing some of the stories of things that I had learned so that they would know that: “Oh, it's normal to have disagreements. Oh, it's normal for this to happen or that to happen,” so that they would understand the long view of marriage and the big picture of marriage. Dennis: One of the things that had occurred in our marriage that I think really pointed out the importance of perhaps Barbara doing this—early in our marriage, she had kind of run into the differences between us and how that was impacting her. Someone told us—and I don't remember who—but said, “You really ought to go spend some time with an older woman who has experienced more of life and been around the barn a few more times than you have.” Just to spend some time and to know that what you're going through is normal. Bob: Yes. Dennis: I think couples start out their marriage together and they get isolated. They don't realize that what they're going through is what everybody else is dealing with. But if they have someone who is seasoned / who's authentic—and not going to create some kind of pie-in-the-sky approach that's: “A+B=C, and you're going to have all your problems solved by sundown tonight,”—if you've got somebody who's real and helps you understand that it takes a lifetime to work out this thing called marriage. That's what really fueled Barbara in writing our daughters and our daughters-in-law to be able to enter in to these first months and years of their marriage. Bob: Barbara, one of the issues you felt like you needed to mentor your daughters and daughters-in-law in was this issue that we talked about—your confidence that you could be the wife and mom that God called you to be—that, at some point along the way, you kind of woke up and went, “This is harder than I thought it was going to be.” Barbara: Yes. I think that realization was an on-going realization. What I've realized, as I look back over my life, is that, along the way—from those early months of our marriage all the way up until the present—God has been saying to me, over and over again, “You can't do this on your own.” Now, my initial response is, “Oh, yes; I can.” Bob: Yes. Barbara: Because I've got—especially in the early years—a lot of motivation, a lot of energy, a lot of enthusiasm—to really do a good job being a wife. Most young women start out that way / most new brides start out that way. We're highly motivated, highly teachable, energetic, ready to go and be the best we can be; but God knows that, if we really are able to produce on our own, then our confidence is in our self and not in Him.  In this section of the book, I tell lots of stories of how God took me places where I realized I could not do it on my own; and I could not garner up enough strength on my own to see the situation through. Bob: The book you're talking about, of course, is called, Letters to My Daughters. It's your brand-new book. The subtitle is The Art of Being a Wife—Barbara Rainey is showing us on FamilyLife Today.  Barbara, you started marriage as a committed follower of Christ. You were involved in ministry, but there were cracks in your spiritual foundation that started to show up under the pressure of marriage— Barbara: Yes; they did. I first felt it most dramatically after our first child was born. We had moved for probably the fourth or fifth time—I can't remember. We'd moved a bunch in those first two-and-a-half years of marriage. I remember one day just feeling really overwhelmed with these jobs I had. I was a wife, and I was a mother—and it was 24/7. Our new little baby didn't come with an instruction manual, and I didn't know what I was doing. We lived in California, and my mother was in Texas. It's not like I could call her every day, or I could go visit her, or she could come over in the afternoon and babysit so I could take a nap. I mean, I was really very, very lonely. I was very isolated, and I was very bewildered as to how to make this thing work: “How do I do this wifing and mothering thing without any instructions?” I really remember feeling a sense of real aloneness in that season of my life. I tell a story in the book—would you like to hear it?—about how I ran away? Bob: You ran away?! Barbara: I ran away. [Laughter] Dennis: It wasn't far—but she did run away. [Laughter] Barbara: No; it wasn't far—No; it wasn't far—but I had this—it really is what it was though. I wouldn't have even said so at the time but, looking back on it, it really is a good expression of what I was feeling. I went—out of just sheer frustration—I wasn't really angry / I was just bewildered. I left Ashley sleeping in the crib or, maybe, she was in the infant seat or something in the living room. I don't even know what Dennis was doing, but all I remember is that I went into the bathroom in our bedroom / our master bathroom and shut and locked the door. It was a teensy little master bathroom—it had a tub, and a toilet, with a little tiny counter with a sink in the middle. I sat on the toilet. Then I got uncomfortable, and I sat on the side of the tub. Then that got uncomfortable, and so I sat on the toilet again. The walls started to kind of close in on me and I thought, “Oh, now what do I do?” I was just absolutely lost because I didn't know how to—I just didn't know how to do this thing. Finally, I came out. Thankfully my husband, in his love for me, did not go: “What an idiot you were! What were you thinking?”—you know, going in the bathroom and locking the door—“What was the point of that?” He didn't belittle me / he didn't make fun of me. He didn't criticize me. He, I'm sure, gave me a hug; and we sat down and talked.  Now, what it was all about—I can't even begin to tell you. What he said to me—I don't remember—but I remember the emotion of the moment—that I was lost. I didn't know how to do this thing called marriage, I didn't know how to do this thing called mothering, and I didn't know where to go for help. That was the first real sort of moment of awakening—when I realized this was all bigger than I could handle, and I needed something outside of myself to make it work. It was God's bringing me to this place of going, “You can't do this on your own.” Dennis: I think, as a husband—truthfully, I think I was clueless that she didn't feel that confidence. Barbara: Well, of course, you were! How could you know? Dennis: This was an internal battle she was fighting. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: So, when she did come out of the bathroom, I don't think I had realized that she had actually locked herself in there— Barbara: No; I'm sure you didn't. Dennis: —and had kind of run away from her responsibilities for a few minutes. I don't think you were in there—probably, an hour— Barbara: No; not more than an hour. Dennis: —but the point is—as a husband, at that point / however imperfectly you may love—but just allow your wife to express the inability and to express her need for something to change / something to be different for her to move forward.  I think marriage is an opportunity for us to finish the process of growing up. In fact, I think it was Erma Bombeck who used to say, “Marriage is the last chance God gives us to grow up.”  Bob: Yes. Dennis: I think it's one of the tools God uses in our lives to take us to the end of ourselves— Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —where He kind of puts an exclamation point at the end of the sentence that says: “You need Me! Signed, God.” Barbara: Exactly; exactly. Bob: But Barbara, you were a Christian—you studied the Scriptures, you were in church, you were— Barbara: Yes! That's what I thought! [Laughter] Bob: So, what was missing? Barbara: I think what was missing was an experiential understanding of my need for Christ. Yes, I knew I needed Christ when I received Him. Yes, I knew—had you asked me, an hour before I went into the bathroom and locked the door, “Do you need Christ?”—I would have said, “Of course!” But it was knowledge more than it was heart experience. God loved me enough that He wanted me to feel my need for Him—for me to experience that I could not do this on my own. I think God loves us enough that He wants to take it from merely head knowledge to heart knowledge. It was the process that God was beginning to work in my life, where He was showing me: “No, you can't do this on your own. Your knowledge of Me is not enough. You need to experience a need for the Holy Spirit to control your life—not just know it in your head that, ‘Yes, that's the way you're supposed to do it,'—but you need to be aware of your need for Me so you will, in fact, depend on Me.” Bob: Okay; so, you're aware of your need. Now, you're going to do something different than you were doing. What's that different thing? How does somebody come out of the bathroom and say: “Okay; I realize I need to rely on God, I need the Holy Spirit to work in my life; but what can I do to make that happen? How do I walk in the power of the Holy Spirit?” Barbara: For me, it was very much an on-going process. It was a growth that happened over decades. But, in that moment, as much as I knew how, in that day of my life, I said: “Father, I want to trust You more. I want to be filled with the Spirit. I want You to control my life. I want You to give me the power and the strength to live the way that You want me to live—to do this thing called marriage that You've designed. This was Your idea in the first place; so therefore, You know how to make a marriage work. I want to depend on You more than I have in the past.”  I believe that I did; but then there came another point, on down the road, where God said: “Okay; now, you need to step it up a notch. You need to trust Me some more,”— I was trusting myself again too much. There was another lesson; and then, a few years later, another one.  I think that, just as our children grow up, incrementally, through the years—they don't go from being a baby to being 18 overnight. Physical growth is a slow process. There are all kinds of little things going on in their bodies, as they grow up, that we can't even see. It does take a long time for an infant to become an adult. I think the journey is similar in our spiritual growth. We start out as spiritual infants. God gently and slowly works in our lives and our circumstances so that we become mature adults, spiritually, and don't remain infants. Bob: One of the areas where you had to learn to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit in your own life was when you decided you wanted to do a make-over project on your husband; right? Barbara: [Laughing] Yes, I did that. Bob: This was Extreme Makeover. Is that what you were—back before it was on TV—you were— Barbara: Yes.  Dennis: It felt that way! [Laughter] Barbara: Yes, it probably did. What is so sad about this story is that I really thought I was doing the right thing! I was a Christian and I thought: “Okay; if there are some problems”—and there were—“if there are some things that I think are not right in our relationship”—and there were those things that I thought weren't right—“What are you supposed to do about it? You're supposed to pray about it; aren't you? Yes, that makes sense.” I made this list—I began to make a list of all the things that I thought were not right—primarily were not right about him / not so much things that weren't right about me—because I really didn't think there were that many things— Bob: That was a small list / little, tiny list. So you're setting off to try to fix—what kinds of things were you trying to fix? Barbara: You know, that's what's sad—I can't even remember what they were—but I'm quite sure it was all personality related because, as Dennis said earlier—he would get an idea, and [snaps fingers] process it that fast, and he'd be off and running. He didn't think things through thoroughly like I did. He was much more spontaneous and spur of the moment. I'm sure it was related to these personality differences that I saw, early on. I made this list, and I thought that the right thing to do was to pray about all the stuff that needed to be changed in his life. Dennis: It was a long list too. Bob: Well—[Laughing] Barbara: It wasn't really that long. [Laughter] Bob: Is there something wrong with a wife identifying: “These are areas that I think God needs to be at work in my husband's life, and I'm going to pray about God doing that work”?  Barbara: Yes; I think it's probably not a real good approach.  Bob: Really?! Barbara: Really; because what happened to me is—I had this list of 10 or 12 things. I prayed about them every day. What happened was—I thought about them all day after I repeated them to God in the morning. I would say: “Okay, God. Here are the things I think You need to work on in his life.” It was as if they were written in neon block letters on his back. Every time I saw him, I saw what was wrong because I was reminding myself, every day——before God, of course—but nonetheless, I was reminding myself every day of what I didn't like and what I thought needed to be fixed. I decided—after doing this for a couple of weeks—I thought: “You know, I don't like the way this feels. This is not really a fun way to approach God.” It's not fun—the results in my marriage—I just didn't like the fact that I was constantly seeing all these things that I didn't like. Bob: [To Dennis] Did you have any idea there was neon on your back? Dennis: I think I did know about the list. Bob: Really? Dennis: I do, and I think I definitely felt it when she threw the list away.  Barbara: That doesn't surprise me— Dennis: Yes. Barbara: —because I felt it when I threw the list away too.  Dennis: I mean, all of a sudden, I've got my friend back instead of my judge. Bob: What prompted you to throw the list away? Barbara: I just began to realize that this wasn't fun. I didn't like focusing on everything that I thought was wrong with him. I thought: “You know, I didn't used to feel this way. I used to like all these things about him, and now I don't.” It wasn't this great revelation—I just thought: “You know—this isn't fun. I don't like the way this makes me feel. I don't like the flavor in our relationship.”  I told God specifically one day—and I remember saying this—I said: “God, if You want to change these things in his life, it is Your business. I am not going to ask You about this anymore because I don't like what this is doing to our relationship. If You never change him, that is fine with me. It's Your business, not mine. I'm going to move forward and not pray about all these things that I think need to be corrected anymore.” I tore up the list, and I literally threw it away. Within days, I wasn't thinking about all that stuff anymore.  Dennis: You know— Barbara: It was a great relief. Dennis: There's a common thread here—to what she's talking about—that I want Barbara to comment because this has been a theme of her life. You're talking about, first of all, coming to the end of yourself, not once, but on multiple occasions, where you realize you couldn't do this thing called “being a wife” / you couldn't do this thing called “being a mom”—and you couldn't change your husband. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: It's not you that's going to do any of this. You came to the conclusion that it had to be Christ in you and you yielded to Him. Barbara: Exactly. Dennis: What would you say to a wife, who's listening, who's going: “Got me!  I'm raising my hands, saying, ‘That's me you're describing'”? What's the hope? What's the solution?—not in terms of a formula—but what does she need to begin to practice? Barbara: I think the bottom line is going to be the same for the rest of your life; that is—when God brings you to a place that you realize you cannot do this thing called marriage, you can't do this thing called mothering, you can't even do the Christian life on your own—that you come to Him and you say: “I give up. I surrender. I need You. Will You empower me? Will you fill me with Your Spirit? Will You lead me?” because it really is coming to a point of giving up because what I was doing, when I was praying for you, is—I was trying to take over.  I was trying to tell God what I thought He needed to do in your life. I realized that I needed to give up. I need to let God do what He wanted to do, in His timetable. I basically—in essence, by saying, “I'm not going to do this anymore,'—I surrendered and I said, “Your will, not mine.” Bob: You know, just about every time I speak at a Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway—first night, I'll say, “If you brought your spouse here, hoping that together we could get her fixed or get him changed, I have bad news for you.” [Laughter] I say, “I'm not even going to be talking to your spouse this weekend. The only person I came here to talk to is you.” I think sometimes— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —rather than focusing on, “God change this other person,”—  Dennis: Yes.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: —our prayers need to be redirected: “Lord, change me.” Barbara: Exactly. Bob: I had to chuckle, Barbara, because, at the end of this “Note to Your Daughters,” as you shared this story—you said, “More stories about my failures to come. [Barbara laughing] Love you, Mom.” Really, this collection of letters that you've written to you daughters are lessons you've learned—  Barbara: Yes. Bob: —some of them through not doing it right. Barbara: Oh, lots of them learned through not doing it right because I think that's when God gets our attention. When we're sailing along, and everything's smooth, that's when we don't think we need God; but when we realize we can't do it, and we're making mistakes, then we go, “Okay; then maybe—maybe I need some help— Bob: Yes. Barbara: —“and God needs to be my help.” Dennis: —“and Jesus is that help.”  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: If the story of Easter is true—and it is / Christ is alive from the dead—then He can make this claim—He said in John 15, “I am the true vine.” Later on, in the same passage, He says, “As a branch cannot bear fruit by itself,”—does that sound familiar? Bob: Yes. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: “You can't do it on your own!”—“As a branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is who bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” If you've come to the end of yourself, it's a good thing! Barbara: It is—and that's what God was trying to show me through this story and many, many other circumstances in my life. He was saying: “Apart from Me you can do nothing. Do you get it?” Dennis: And I think life— Barbara: And I said, “Yes!” Dennis: And I think life is one long process of Him saying, “Do you get it yet?” Barbara: Yes, it is. Dennis: “Do you get it now?” [Laughter] Bob: And one long process of surrender because we keep doing it, as you said, over and over again. I think, in addition to the surrender then, there needs to be godly counsel that helps point us in the right direction—to help us correct the patterns that are the patterns of the flesh that are with us and point us to new habits, that are spiritually-informed and spiritually-motivated. Barbara, I think you are helping to provide the wise counsel for a lot of wives in what you've shared today and what you've written in your brand-new book, Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife. We've got the book in our FamilyLifeToday Resource Center. It's brand-new—just now out in stores. We'd love for you to have a copy. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Ask about the book, Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife by Barbara Rainey when you get in touch with us. We want to say a quick, “Congratulations!” and “Happy Anniversary!” to our friends, David and Diana Aguilar, who live in Union, Missouri. Today is their 29th wedding anniversary. The Aguilars listen to KSIV, out of St. Louis. They've been married since 1987.  We are the “Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries,” here at FamilyLife. We're celebrating our 40th anniversary this year; but honestly, it's not our anniversary that matters—it's all of the anniversaries that have happened because of how God has used FamilyLife in the lives of so many couples over the last 40 years. It's been humbling to be a part of that whole process. If you help support this ministry, as a Legacy Partner or as somebody who gives an occasional donation, you've been a part of the process as well. Your support is what makes FamilyLife Today possible. We could not exist and could not do what we do if it weren't for friends, like you, who help make this happen. This month, we are praying and asking God that He would raise up 20 new families in every state where FamilyLife Today is heard to be new Legacy Partners, joining with us here at FamilyLife. Would you consider being one of those new Legacy Partner families? All you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click where it says, “DONATE.” The information about becoming a Legacy Partner is available there. Or call: 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY”; and say, “I'm interested in becoming a Legacy Partner.” Be sure to join us back tomorrow. We're going to continue talking about a wife's responsibility in her marriage. We'll talk tomorrow about what happens when a woman wants to be a helper but it starts to go bad—and it can do that. We'll talk about that tomorrow. Hope you can be here. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your ManThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the PositiveThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the DifferencesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on GodThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His HelperThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Being His Helper Guest:                        Barbara Rainey                                                        From the series:       Letters to My Daughters (Day 3 of 3)Air date:                     February 17, 2016                 Bob: The Bible calls women to be helpers to their husbands; but as Barbara Rainey points out—sometimes, when you're trying to help, you're not helping. Barbara: I think, in most women's hearts, we do start out—in the early years, especially—genuinely wanting to help. It switches somewhere, along the line—to becoming a control issue, to becoming a management issue, to becoming a critical issue—where I am being his mother and not his helper. I'm being his parent and not his partner. I think that is the lesson—it's that we, as women / we, as wives, need to be aware and to recognize when it does and to say: “Oh yeah! I need to be his friend. We're peers, we're equals, we're teammates; and we can work this out together,” rather than it—letting it become this great obstacle. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, February 17th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How can a wife be a helper to her husband?  1:00 We're going to explore that today with Barbara Rainey. Stay tuned.   And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I had somebody share something with me a long time ago. I always thought this was interesting—they were talking about the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our life. They were saying that the word for the Holy Spirit in the Bible is the word, Paraclete. Dennis: Right. Bob: What they said was: “There's a difference between a paraclete and a parasite. A parasite is something that attaches itself to you and just sucks the life out of you.” Dennis: Right. Bob: “A paraclete is something that attaches itself to you and pours life into you.” I mean, that's always stuck with me. I've thought, “That's not only true of our relationship with the Holy Spirit—He does attach Himself to us and pours life into us—but all of our relationships tend to be parasite or paraclete relationships”; don't you think? Dennis: They do. It's interesting—  2:00 —that in the Scripture, God refers to Himself as our Helper. I think the Holy Spirit is our Helper. Bob: Yes. Dennis: He comforts us / He gives us the power to live the Christian life. Bob: Jesus said, “I will send another Helper,”—indicating that He had been the Helper. So Helper really—God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit—are all identified as “Helper.” Dennis: That's right; but if you go all the way back to the beginning of the Bible, the first use of the word, “helper,” is not referring to God but referring to the woman that God made for man. Bob: Yes. Dennis: I know, for Barbara, who joins us again on FamilyLife Today—Barbara, welcome back. Barbara: Thank you. Dennis: She's written a book that is—was first written for our daughters, as they married, and our daughters-in-law as they married our sons. One of the first sections of the book talks about the role of being a helper. You believe that's important; don't you? Barbara: I do. I think that we have come to think of helper in a more negative sense——more as a servant.  3:00 Yet, when you go back to the very beginning—as you were just talking about a minute ago—and realize that God used that term to describe the woman / to describe Eve when He made her. He called her helper before the whole thing broke down and fell apart in the Garden. It wasn't Plan B—it wasn't: “Oh, well; now, that you've made mistakes, and I'm kicking you out of the Garden, and you're going to have to start living in a different place—now, you have to be the helper,”—it was helper from the very beginning.  If we really focus on that, and think about that, it means that I was made, as a female, to be a helper—I was built for that, I was fashioned for that, I was designed for that. It's not a second thought / it's not Plan B—it's not an afterthought. It's intuitive in who I am, as a female, to be helper in the same way that God is helper to us. Bob: You say, in the book—when you got married, you say, “I was eager to begin being my husband's helper; but beyond cooking for him and doing our laundry, I honestly had no idea what the concept / the assignment really meant.”  4:00 Barbara: Yes.  Bob: I think there are a lot of women who, when they hear the term, “helper,”—they think, “What is it if it's not cooking, cleaning, and laundry?” Barbara: Those things are a part of what each individual couple works out—who does the cooking / who does the laundry. All of that is a creative blend of the two that are in the marriage unit. And often— Bob: Who does the cooking at your house? I'm just curious— Barbara: Well, you know, right now, he does! [Laughter] Dennis: But for the past 35 years, she did! [Laughter] Barbara: Yes. Bob: You've given— Dennis: So I've got—I've got a long time—[Laughter] Barbara: I delegated! [Laughter] Dennis: —I've got a long time to catch up in this deal. Barbara: Yes; yes. We have traded places on that one; but the point is—is that, oftentimes and through the centuries, most women have done those tasks in the marriage relationship. That isn't really what helper is all about. Helper is far greater than that—it's me completing my husband.  5:00 It's me—and who I am, and the way God made me, as a woman and as an individual—completing him, making him better than he is on his own or making him more complete / more fulfilled. It's me helping him, though the years, become all God intended for him to be. It's far more of a person-building / it's far more of a relationship-building concept than it is just tasks around the house, which is what we've relegated it to. Bob: The phrase I used—the paraclete—to attach yourself to him and pour life into him. Barbara: Yes. Bob: There really is something that a wife can—she can pour life into her husband; can't she? Barbara: Oh, absolutely. That's why I have written about it in this section—about the example that the Holy Spirit is to us because the Holy Spirit does give us life. I think, in ways that we, as women, don't realize—we give life to our husbands. I think the analogies between the two are great. Bob: You're not saying your role is to be the Holy Spirit to your husband. 6:00 Barbara: No. [Laughter] I am not to be the Holy Spirit, and convict him of sin, any more than he is to be Jesus Christ for me. But we model— Bob: But you can learn; yes. Barbara: Yes. Bob: Yes. Barbara: —he models and imitates what Christ did in His sacrifice—and I can model my helping and being a helper after what the Holy Spirit does for us. Dennis: Before we talk about what it means to truly be the helper, one of the things you believe strongly that it's not—is it's not being your husband's mother. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: Explain what you mean by that. Barbara: I think what happens is—when we women have children and we become, not just wife, but wife and mother—there are a lot of things that we do, as mother, that are helping tasks. We're constantly helping our children get dressed, we're helping learn to tie their shoes, we help them learn to read, we help them with their homework, we help them get dressed, we help them in relationship issues when they've got friends and they've got problems in elementary school, junior high, and high school.  7:00  We are very much a helper with our children, but it's an authoritative kind of helper. I'm the one in charge, and my child is to follow me. What happens so often in marriage is—that we wives forget sometimes to switch from being helper as mother to being helper as wife—and they're very different. I'm not an authority with my husband / I'm not his teacher. For me to help him as if I am his teacher and he is to be my pupil—that's backwards / that's wrong. That's not the kind of relationship that I'm supposed to have with him as a helper. Bob: And you're supposed to be able to switch gears on the fly on that kind of a deal? Barbara: Yes, I think so; but that's where it gets tricky. [Laughter] Bob: So what does it look like if it's not the kind of helper you would be with a kindergartener or a seventh grader? How is it different? Barbara: It's different because I have a peer-relationship with my husband—we are equals. I am not a peer with my child—I'm an authority with my child. That's the fundamental difference.  8:00 For instance, Dennis and I had a conversation not too long ago. I don't know if you'll remember this—but we recently remodeled our living room. We got our couch recovered—because the kids are gone, we got it recovered in a very light color fabric, which I would have never done when we were raising kids. Now, that it's just the two of us—we can handle this. Not long after we had finished the remodeling, we had gotten the couch back from being reupholstered. We were eating, and Dennis wanted to eat in the living room. He plopped down on the couch— Bob: I know where this is going. [Laughter] Barbara: —with his plate. Bob: Yes! [Laughter] Dennis: Never happened at your place; has it Bob? Bob: It wasn't spaghetti; was it? I hope it wasn't spaghetti. Barbara: No, it wasn't spaghetti—I don't know what it was. As we sat there, I'm thinking: “This isn't going to work. This isn't what I had in mind. I don't think this is a really good place to be eating our dinner.” We began—we had a conversation; and I said, “What would you think about always eating over there at the table?” He said, “I really would like to eat and watch TV some.”  9:00 Anyway, the point is that we talked through: “Where would be an acceptable place for him to eat, in the living room, where he could watch TV—watch a football game on Saturday afternoon.” We decided the couch is not where he would eat. He would eat over there in the chair—it's on a part of the carpet that doesn't stain as easily as the part in front of the couch does. Dennis: Actually, what she encouraged me to do is run— Barbara: So are you saying you don't remember it this way? [Laughter] Dennis: —run an extension cord outside and eat it in a lawn chair in front of the TV in the yard. [Laughter] Barbara: Where there is a hose! [Laughter] Bob: You didn't put a bib on him or [Laughter] say, “You sit in this chair.” Dennis: We were just talking about being a mother; were we not? Barbara: That's right; we were! Bob: That's what—so this is an illustration of how you help your husband? [Laughter] Barbara: Well, it's an illustration of how I—yes, how I help him [Laughter] eat like an adult— Dennis: We worked it out. Barbara: We did! Dennis: We worked it out, and it is okay. I do think the point is—if you listen carefully to the illustration Barbara gave, we had a discussion. Barbara: —as peers.  10:00 I wasn't telling you that you couldn't eat on the couch—I said: “Would you be willing to eat over there?” / “Could we work out a compromise?” was the gist of the conversation. Dennis: What I'd want a man to hear in the midst of this is that he has a very important assignment—to respect his wife, and her opinion, and her values, and what she's about at that point—not just do what he wants to do. Philippians 2—we've quoted that many times, here on FamilyLife Today: “…not merely looking out for your own interests but for the interests of others.” Bob: Yes. Dennis: These little confrontations we're talking about here are a clash of values. They don't have to turn out and become where the wife ends up being the mother of the husband. Bob: You tell about, how in your marriage—when you are travelling, back in the days before cell phones— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —you used to mother your husband in the airport? Barbara: Yes. You know what's interesting about this dilemma for women is—I don't think we start out with that kind of an attitude.  11:00 I think we genuinely/sincerely want to help. It just sort of evolves into a more parental attitude without even trying. For instance, in the airport, when we used to travel before cell phones, Dennis would always want to make good use of his time. He'd walk across the area to another gate—wherever there happened to be a pay phone—and he would start making phone calls. I would sit in the waiting area and watch as every last passenger boarded the plane. They were about to close the door, and he was still on the phone. Initially, I remember thinking: “He must not know that they're boarding the plane. He must have not been paying attention.” I would get up and go over, and motion at the gate, and motion at my watch. He'd go, “I know; I know.” He'd get off the phone, and we'd get on the plane. Then the next time I would do the same thing. After a while, I started to become irritated because I thought, “I have to remind him all the time.” Dennis: How many flights have we missed? Barbara: Well, that's the point!  We never missed a flight because you were on the phone! [Laughter]  12:00 But initially, I genuinely thought he didn't know what time it was and that he didn't—he was so engaged in the phone call that he didn't realize they were boarding. I wanted to help so that we didn't miss the flight. Over time, it became more of a parental attitude on my part. Dennis: I was going to say—I was going to say that—parental. Barbara: It really was because I thought: ‘What's the deal? Why can't he get off the phone, and we can board with everybody else?” Then I started becoming critical. So my point is—is that I think what we struggle with, as wives, is not necessarily starting out with a condescending attitude or a parental attitude. We really, genuinely want to help from our hearts; but it just sort of goes downhill sometimes. Dennis: Let me take that, as an illustration though, and just ask this question: “How can a wife, in a situation like that, be a true helper?” The point here is—you're not going to answer that question in the heat of the moment. You do it some other time when you're not travelling.  13:00 The wife just simply says to her husband, “When everybody's boarding, what would you like me to do?” Barbara: Exactly—which is what I finally did. Dennis: “Would you like me to come over and let you know, or am I to just trust you with that?” At that point— Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —it is two peers respecting each other—and the husband feeling like he's being trusted.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: He may—as I did—he may want her help. Bob: Yes. Dennis: Okay? That's good! You're working as teammates at that point. I think, at critical times like this—we allow these little rough spots like this to become major disagreements—at which we have a big argument and it ends up ruining the trip. Bob: As I read through this part of the book, I have to confess to you that I think one of the challenges that I think a lot of wives / a lot of women struggle with is the issue of control. Barbara: Yes; definitely.  Bob: “I want to be in control of my environment. I feel safer if I'm in control of things.” Barbara: No question; no question.  14:00 Bob: So this impulse to want to be a helper—sometimes is not, “I want to help my husband,”—it's: “I want to manage my husband— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —“and control my husband because I feel more comfortable.” You're waving and saying, “Everybody else is boarding,”—not because you're trying to help him—but because you're getting nervous, and you'd like to get on the plane. Barbara: Yes. Bob: And he needs to hurry up and get on there with you. Barbara: No question. Bob: It's not helping—it's controlling.  Barbara:And that's why I'm saying it's a difficult thing because I think, in most women's hearts, we do start out—in the early years, especially—genuinely wanting to help. It switches somewhere, along the line—to becoming a control issue, to becoming a management issue, to becoming a critical issue—where I am being his mother and not his helper. I'm being his parent and not his partner. I think that is the lesson is that we, as women / we, as wives, need to be aware—that that shift happens—and to recognize when it does and to say: “Oh yeah; I'm being his mother, not his partner.  15:00 “I need to be his friend—we're peers, we're equals, we're teammates—and we can work this out together rather than letting it become this great obstacle. Dennis: So for wives—as they look at the subject of being a helper to their husbands—here's the question I would encourage every wife to ask her husband: “Sweetheart, how can I be a better, customized helper to you?” because I really believe, Bob, if we could somehow zoom back and look at an individual marriage through God's eyes—I believe He's made the husband and the wife for one another. He made them with differences—with unique strengths, and abilities, and weaknesses—so they need each other and so they complement each other. I think many couples can live a lifetime and never ever understand how the wife— specifically: “In what areas / how can she be a customized helper for her husband?”—  16:00 —and then take good notes at what he says. Barbara: Well, and that's what I—one of the points that I really am hoping will come across in this book to my daughters—I want them to see the beauty that God has made in marriage—that the way I help my husband is different than the way Mary Ann helps you, Bob—   Bob: Yes. Barbara: —different than the way my daughters will help their husbands because my husband needs something different than you would need. That's the wonderful thing about marriage. God gave us very few rules for marriage—He gave us some guidelines to run on / some very specific things in Scripture—but He didn't give us a hundred things to do in marriage. He gave us very few. Within that wonderful definition of marriage that we get out of Scripture, there is endless ability to be creative because we are two unique people. God wants us to design a unique relationship between the two of us. 17:00 Bob: Okay; I've got two questions. The first is: “There are some wives who are hearing this and going, ‘Well shouldn't this thing work both ways? I mean, why am I the helper? Shouldn't he be the helper to me too? Aren't we supposed to help one another?'” You're talking about teammates—so you're the helper, but he's the helper too; right?  Barbara: Yes; I think Dennis should answer that, but I think the real bottom line is—is that God has called men to serve. In that serving—of the husband serving the wife—that's how he helps. He's not given the title of helper, but he's given the title of servant-leader. That's how he would help his wife. Dennis: Yes, I think Barbara mentioned the key term there—servant-leader. A husband is given the title, in Ephesians 5, “head,”—he is the authority. The buck does stop with him. He has responsibility to deny himself, to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and to be—as Barbara said—a servant-leader of her and meeting her needs. I don't think a husband—in the sense of what we're talking about a wife being a helper—is to be his wife's helper.  18:00 I think he's to be—the servant, the lover, the leader, the nourisher, the cherisher of her soul, and to look out for her best interest, and her horizons, and maximize her life—but he's got a different assignment— Bob: Yes. Dennis: —with her than she has with him.  Bob: Well, in fact, I was meeting with a group of guys recently. We were talking about this designation of servant-leader. We all kind of agreed that maybe it would be better to refer to husbands as shepherd-leaders than servant-leaders because the servant idea can—can almost make it sound like: “As long as your wife's happy, you're doing what you need to do.” That's the trap I fell in, for years—was to think, ‘As long as Mary Ann's happy— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —“then I'm—I'm being what God wants me to be.” It's not necessarily her momentary happiness that I should be focused on— Dennis: No, it's not. Bob: —it's the shepherding and leading of her—wisely, gently, carefully, feeding, guiding, caring for her. 19:00 Dennis: —protecting. Bob: That's right. So it was a—it was a helpful metaphor— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —to say: “A man should be a shepherd-leader and a wife should respond and should help in that process.” My other question, though, for you is for the wife who would say: “If I went to my husband and said, ‘How would you like me to be your customized helper?' he would say, ‘Get off my back and leave me alone! Just let me do what I want to do.'” Dennis: But that's not a good answer. Bob: So does she tell him that?! Barbara: Well, I think she frames the question a little differently. I think she says, in a particular situation—like, when Dennis and I were travelling, I could have said to him, “Is there anything I can do to help you so that we can get on our flight on time?” rather than some generic question that he might not be able to put words to. It'd be much better if she said, “How can I help you when we are…” or “…when this situation happens?” or “How can I encourage you when you've had a bad day at work?” If she will be specific, then she might get a more specific answer that would be easier for her to perhaps know what to do with. 20:00      Bob: But if he says, “Just leave me alone,” how does she respond to that? Barbara: I think she needs to say: “What do you mean by leave you alone? What do you want me to back off on?” I think—if she really, genuinely wants to be a better helper—then she needs to ask some follow-up questions / find out: “What does he mean by that?” Bob: Yes. Dennis: I think, over a lifetime together, this is a great question to interact about. In fact, we'd been married for 38 years before the thought ever occurred to me. I was talking to Barbara about her book—just to explore a little bit: “What have we learned in our marriage about how you are a great helper to me?” One of the areas she is—is she's a wise counsellor.  Bob: Yes. Dennis: She gives me the perspective that I most count on for my life, from a human perspective. Now, I go to the Bible for my guidance and to guide in prayer; but she's my closest friend—knows me well, looking out for my best interest in multiple ways.  21:00 I go to her for her advice, her counsel, and her perspective. She is a great— Bob: Yes. Dennis: —helper in that area. I think, for a man, if he can just pull back and ask—if you've been married 10 years: “How is your wife a great helper to you? How do you see her having been designed by God to help you?” Another way for Barbara is—and I told her this—she brings great beauty to my life. She's an artist—she likes design / she notices things years before I do. [Laughter] Then she points them out and I enjoy them. Because of her in my life—not only is she beautiful—but she brings beauty to my life and an appreciation for the aesthetics that God has created. Bob: She keeps the sofa looking beautiful, too, by assigning you a place to sit. [Laughter] Barbara: Now Bob, I didn't assign now— Dennis: —in the yard!  Barbara: —we agreed! 22:00 Dennis: —in the garage, with the hose! [Laughter] Bob: The thing is—this is a part of the reality of marriage that you guys have, after more than 40 years of being together—you've figured out how to make all of this work. Barbara—now for you to be speaking into the lives of younger women / younger wives—I'm really excited about the book that is now available: Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife by Barbara Rainey. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com in order to request a copy of the book, or you can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the title is Letters to My Daughters by Barbara Rainey. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us at 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” By the way, I should have you give the shout-out today to some friends of ours, Keith and Mary Kirkland, celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary today.  23:00 They live in Montgomery, Alabama—listen to WLBF. Mary is a big fan of the resources you've created for homes in the Ever Thine Home collection. They've got the Easter banner, they've got Adorenaments, they've got your “Behold the Lamb” resource—I mean, she's got a bunch of stuff in her home, and they're friends of this ministry. They've helped support the work that FamilyLife Today is doing. If it weren't for friends, like the Kirklands, FamilyLife Today couldn't do all that we do. We're listener-supported, and your donations make this ministry possible.  During this month, we are hoping that God would raise up, from among our listeners, 20 new families in every state—who would be brand-new Legacy Partners—monthly donors, supporting the ministry of FamilyLife Today. We'd like to ask you to consider being one of the families in your state helping to keep FamilyLife Today on the air in this community.  24:00 You can become a Legacy Partner by going to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, “DONATE,”—the information's available there—or call 1-800- FL-TODAY and say, “I want to become a Legacy Partner.” We hope to hear from you. We hope you can join us back tomorrow when we're going to talk about what's at the heart of being a godly woman. Priscilla Shirer is going to join us, and we'll talk about a godly woman's priorities tomorrow. Hope you can be here for that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your ManThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the PositiveThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the DifferencesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on GodThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His HelperThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Facing the Storms Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Letters to My Daughters (Day 1 of 1)Air date:                     December 26, 2018  Bob: To be the woman and the wife that God created you to be, you have to know how to walk by faith on the good days and on the dark days. Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: Most people who have been through suffering—whether it's shallow, small things or really deep, tragic things—can say, on the other side, “I didn't enjoy it; I didn't like it, but I knew God better as a result.” I've heard so many people say that. I would say it's true about us too. We've learned more about God in the valleys than we have on the high places and hills in the sunshine. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, December 26th. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. We'll spend time today exploring how a husband and wife can draw closer together and become one as they walk in the valley and in the path of suffering.  1:00 Stay with us. Welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. Anybody who has ever been to one of our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways knows that—on Friday night, as we are getting underway—we spend some time talking about the common potholes that can derail or destabilize a marriage relationship. I think there are some things that are pretty standard/pretty common that can cause a marriage to wobble at high speeds. Dennis: We begin the conference with a message that is really about five threats to your oneness—five threats to your marriage—five threats to your marriage going the distance over your lifetime. 2:00 Bob: One of those threats is a failure to anticipate the unexpected trials that come into a marriage. It's not a question of whether unexpected trials will come into a marriage—but “How do you respond when they do?”—because all of us are going to hit them; aren't we? Dennis: Well, if you think about it—the vows are built—the traditional vows, “…in sickness and in health”—in financial success and in also being poor. I mean, the basis of what we promise, when we establish the marriage covenant, is that we're going to take the storm, head-on. We don't know what it will be; but we're pledging to one another to not quit but to keep on loving/keep on believing and make our marriage go the distance. Bob: And we are taking some time this week to talk with your wife, Barbara. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today.  Barbara: Thank you, Bob. 3:00 Bob: We're going to talk about some of those valleys and dark places that the two of you have walked together in 40-plus years of marriage and how you've not quit in the midst of that. Dennis: What Barbara has done is—she has taken the past, almost ten years, to complete a book to wives called Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife that is designed to be what it is. It's an older woman stepping into the life of a younger woman with sage advice/with seasoned advice—with the advice that comes after four decades of marriage. The way this book is constructed is—you end it with this subject that Bob's talking about here—the subject of suffering.  I guess I'd have to ask you, “Is that because of what you and I have been through?”—because we have been through some dark valleys together.  Barbara: Well, that's why it's in there; because it has been an integral part of our marriage relationship. It's in there because I think most brides/most young women get married with some— 4:00 —what I call “fairytale theology.” They get married, thinking that: “Everything is going to be great for us. We're not going to have difficulties. Yes; there will be some uncomfortable moments, but we're not going to really have hard stuff. We're going to—we're going to be great. We love each other, and everything's going to be great.” For those, who are Christians—like you and I were when we got married—we also start our marriages out, thinking: “You know, we believe in God. If we do it God's way, it's going to all be good. We're not going to have any hard things.” That was how I started our marriage—thinking: “A plus B equals C. If I obey God and I do these things that are in the Bible, then God, therefore, will give us an easy, nice life.” Bob: So do you have a new equation, now, if it's not “A plus B equals C”? What would you say to a young wife, who says, “If it's not that, what is it?” Barbara: There's a lot of algebra. [Laughter] Bob: Some calculus—[Laughter]—a little geometry. Barbara: And I don't know algebra very well, so I can't even give you the formula! [Laughter] 5:00 Dennis: We're laughing, but it's the hard stuff of life. This is a broken world. There is a heaven, and it's not here—it's not now.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: God came, in the person of Jesus Christ, to give us an abundant life now and help us face these hardships—but it's like the funeral you and I participated in earlier this year—a dear couple that we love greatly, who buried the body of their 15-year-old son. It's unthinkable! Barbara: Yes. Dennis: No couple—standing at the altar, about to say their vows to each other—can even fathom the grief, the loss, the agony, the darkness of the valley. Yet, there are a lot of our listeners—who are in it right now, or who are about to go in it, or who have been in the valley and they've come out the other side—they're nodding their heads. Bob: One of the things I've heard you say before, Barbara, is knowing that those valleys are ahead—  6:00 —you don't know when they're coming; you don't know where they are—it could be months; it could be years before you head into one—but the time to prepare your marriage and the time to get ready to walk through the valley is not when you find yourself in it—it's while you're still walking in the sunlight. Barbara: Yes; I think that it also illustrates that the importance of building your marriage today, because we don't know how many days we have. Our days are all numbered, but we don't know what the last number is. That reminds us that today is the day we need to focus on. Today is the day we need to live, as if it were our last—even though that's hard to do in a practical way—but we need to focus on making our marriage all it can be today. Focus on getting to know Christ today; focus on growing today so that, when those hard times do come—and they will come—  7:00 — because Jesus said, “In this world, you will have trouble.” Period; done: “…you will have trouble.”  We don't like that—I never liked that verse—I always kind of wondered why it was even in there, but it is because He's telling us the truth—that we will have trouble, and we will have difficulty. The best way to prepare is to live each day on purpose and to live each day with focus and intentionality in your relationship. Dennis: You don't prepare for the storm in the middle of the storm. I will never forget a Green Beret, who came up to me at one of our Weekend to Remember marriage getaways, way back when we started FamilyLife®, years and years ago. He came up and said, “Dennis, as a Green Beret, we practice what to do in a crisis over, and over, and over again in training so that, when we were in the crisis, it was second nature—we knew what to do.” 8:00  I think what people need to look at—is look at the Bible as the training manual. We need to know how to live now in light of eternity. As a married couple, you have to know how to live together. We've been through some hard things in our family/some difficult challenges. It's true, Bob, husbands and wives do not suffer the same—they do not process grief in the same way. We're different, as male and female. I'm so glad that Barbara has this chapter in her book to coach women to know how to view suffering—how to view the valley in their marriage and not lose heart/not lose hope—but to not give up. Bob: Sometimes in a marriage, Barbara, we are plunged into a deep valley, where it's the kind of darkness we've talked about here—burying a child or—I know, for you and Dennis—the loss of a grandchild, years ago, was one of those deep valleys.  For a lot of wives, the valley is not as deep; but it's kind of a shallow, prolonged valley.  9:00 You wouldn't necessarily even call it suffering, but it's just a general discontentedness about life and where you are. It drags on you every day. If a wife is in that moment, where she's going, “This is not what I— Barbara: —“signed up for”? Bob: “It's not what I thought life was going to be. Barbara: Yes. Bob: “It's not what I thought marriage was going to be. I thought having kids would be more fun than this.” Barbara: Yes. Bob: What does she do in that moment? Barbara: Well, first of all, I want to say that that is suffering. It's just a different kind of suffering; because I think that is a common experience for many, many women. I think a lot of us go through seasons of life, whether it's because of hormones or it's because of the season that our kids are in. I remember a season like that for me, in the late teen years, before we became empty nesters. I remember being so exhausted every day.  10:00 I think there's a cumulative effect that a lot of mothers feel—it just kind of builds—so that by the time you're in your 40s or pushing 50, there's this general fatigue with life.  I think that is a kind of suffering, because we do live in a broken world. That is a difficult thing to deal with, because it affects everything about you—it affects your marriage, your kids that are still at home, your perception of yourself, your perception of life, your enjoyment of life. I think that those really can be called kinds of suffering.  So the answer—and I don't want this to sound like a pat answer, because there isn't a pat answer—but I think the bottom line is continuing to believe God—that He is in control and that this, too, shall pass. It's pulling back and looking at the big picture. I describe this as watercolor painting in my book; because one of the things about creating a painting is—you come up with an initial sketch— 11:00 —you've got to decide where the horizon line is, and what's going to be your focal point. Often, when you're doing a painting of any kind—and even a sculpture, although I don't do that; but I think the same principle is true with any kind of art—you have to pull back. One of the things that's important about doing a painting is—you walk six feet away and look from it—or maybe even farther—and you see the whole more clearly when you're away from it.  The same is true in our lives—we need to pull back—remind ourselves of the big picture: “God is in control. He still loves me. He's working good in my life, even though I don't see it or feel it; and I don't know what the outcome is going to be,” and “I can trust Him.” I think the message is, “Don't quit when it gets hard.” Our temptation is to want to run away when things get hard or when things get difficult—to escape from the pressure/escape from the pain—escape from whatever it is that you're feeling as a result of the suffering.  12:00 But God is saying: “No; stay there. I'm with you; I won't abandon you,” and “I'm going to use this for good.” Dennis: Back to the motif or the illustration of watercolors—I've watched—Bob, I've watched Barbara create paintings. It's fascinating how she shows off light. You would think that would be pretty simple; but to a non-artistic person like me, it's fascinating how you use dark colors to show off the light.  What Barbara's actually talking about here is—I think that God allows the darkness/God allows the valleys—He allows the disappointments/the unmet expectations—those things to come into our lives to create some contrast that will call us to trust Him. Because, frankly, if everything went our own way,—  Barbara: —we wouldn't need Him, and we wouldn't trust Him. Dennis: —we wouldn't need God. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: We could live our whole lives just being “happy.”  13:00 Well, you know what? That isn't going to happen! [Snicker] Barbara: Right.                                                                     Dennis: You're not going to be able to live “a happy life.” Bob: But I do think there are a lot of wives who, when they are not happy—they're in a prolonged season, where, “I just haven't felt happy for a while,”—they start to look around and go: “Okay; how come I'm not feeling happy?” and “Who's the cause of this?!” [Laughter] Guess who is the closest person there to take the blame for: “I'm not happy! It's got to be something he's doing! If he was doing his job, I'd be happy!”? Do you think that's right? Barbara: Do I think it is right that she's thinking that? Bob: Yes. Barbara: Well, no! It's not right that she's thinking that. [Laughter] Bob: Is it accurate that she might be thinking that? Barbara: Oh, I think it's common.  Bob: Yes! But it's not right. Barbara: But it's not right; yes. [Laughter] I mean, it's very easy to blame somebody else. That's one of the hard things about marriage—is that it's so easy for both of us, husband or wife—to blame the person who's right there because they're handy.  14:00 It's really easy to find fault and say, “Well, if you only…my life would be so much better.”  But that's not really what the reason is. The real reason is that God—because He's our Father; and He's a loving, kind, gracious Father—is so patient. He's saying to us: “You need this right now. This will be for your good right now. I know you don't like it; I know it doesn't feel good, but I've got purposes and I've got plans for you. You will be glad in the end.” Most people, who have been through suffering—whether it's shallow, small things or really deep, tragic things—can say, on the other side—“I didn't enjoy it; I didn't like it, but I knew God better—I came to know Him better as a result,” and “I wouldn't trade that for anything.” I've heard so many people say that, and I would say it's true about us too. We've learned more about God in the valleys than we have on the high places and hills in the sunshine. 15:00 Dennis: I just want to read a couple of passages, just based upon all Barbara is talking about here. If you're going through a hard time, I'd like to recommend the best-seller—the Bible—and the Book of 1 Peter, which was written to a group of people, who had been scattered and who were followers of Christ. They were called the diaspora—they were scattered saints, having to represent Christ in cultures that punished them for it. Barbara: Well, they weren't just scattered; because we tend to think of scattered as they are just living in different places—but they lost homes/possessions. I mean, they had really experienced some difficult traumas that we face today, when houses burn down, and we go bankrupt and we lose everything. That puts a little more context in what these people were living in.  Bob: They were refugees—not just scattered—but refugees. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: So I just want to read what God wanted to say to some folks, who were going through some hard times. Just listen to how God coaches and gently nudges people, who are in the valley— 16:00 —1 Peter, Chapter 3, verse 13: “Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.”  But listen to this conclusion to this passage: “For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil.”  17:00  You hear the Scripture calling us to have the right perspective of our valley. Don't just look at it from a human perspective. Wherever you are, maybe pull out this book and read 1 Peter, Chapter 3. Then, across the page, go look at Chapter 4, verse 12, and listen to what Peter says here: “Beloved, don't be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”  [Laughter] I've got to stop there; because I think we, as human beings, are really odd. We think, when we get married, there's never going to be a valley. It's in the fine print of the marriage covenant: “You're going to go through testing/through trials.” But listen to this—verse 13 of Chapter 4: “But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed.” 18:00 The Bible so calls us away from our temporary thinking—from how I'm feeling right now. It's calling you, not to live by feelings, but it's calling you to faith. Are you going to believe that that's true? As a couple, will you allow the things that are coming at you to bind your hearts to His—first of all, to God's—but then, secondly, to one another and not give up?—and as Barbara said, “…not quit and not toss the towel in.”  We're talking to people, right now, who have secretly, or maybe verbally, threatened divorce to their spouse—I mean, it is commonplace in our culture. [But] this is the biblical way to look at suffering, and the biblical way to run the race all the way to the finish line. Bob: Well, what I've heard both of you saying, throughout this, is—first of all: “Trials are coming, so be ready,” and “The way you get ready is by learning how to trust God in the sunshine so that, when you're in the valley, you've already learned what walking by faith looks like.  19:00 “You don't wait to get to the valley to learn.” Dennis: You don't wait ‘til the storm comes and it starts raining to go up on top of the roof to— Bob: —to fix the leak. Dennis: —to fix the leak. Bob: And then, the second thing is: “When you're in the valley and the circumstances are pressing, you have to pull back—step away from the painting/get the bigger picture—and counsel your own soul with what you know is true in the sunshine. Dennis: Yes. Barbara: Yes. Bob: “Preach it to yourself in the shadow,”—that's how Jesus walks through that with you.” A wife who finds herself in a season of suffering—whether it's the mild malaise we talked about earlier, where it's just discouragement, or whether it's a significant period of suffering—she has to counsel her own soul and remind herself of what's true and hang onto that.  Barbara: And she needs to realize that God wants to use the hard times for the good of her marriage.  20:00 It's not just for her good or her husband's good, or for the betterment of some circumstance; but God really wants to use these difficulties to help them, as a couple/a husband and a wife, grow closer together.  We suffer differently; we handle things differently, but that's part of what God wants to do to help us become more one—is for me to share what I'm feeling when we're suffering; and for me to listen to Dennis share what he's feeling; or when he doesn't share what he's feeling, to trust that God is at work in his soul. As we go through that experience together, it bonds us together more than on days when we're not struggling. Dennis: What I'd have to say to that is—I wish, at this point, I could reach through the radio—whether it's a phone, or a computer, or your car, or in your shop—wherever you're listening—and just put an arm around you and say, “Oh, we have such a shallow view of love!” 21:00 Barbara: Yes. Dennis: We think love is like the movies depict it—a couple walking off in the sunset, arm in arm, with the soft breeze, and the music swelling, and, you know, people applauding. The reality is—a lot of love is learned in the valley, where two people aren't feeling the same thing—where two people aren't finding a lot of romance; because there's no room in the valley, sometimes, for romance. It's where two people learn how to really love; because they meet the God of love in the valley, and they begin to understand He loves them—that's what they're supposed to reflect to one another. Bob: I think there are a lot of wives, who are really going to be helped as they get a chance to read your reflections on how God uses suffering in a marriage relationship and in a family—how God has used it in your life as you've gone through seasons of suffering. You write about this in your new book, Letters to My Daughters. 22:00 Barbara: Yes. Bob: We've got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. You can order a copy from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy. Again, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and look for the book, Letters to My Daughters, by Barbara Rainey. Order online or call to order: 1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” Now, as we approach the start of a new year, we're asking FamilyLife Today listeners—those of you who are regular listeners and those of you who have been impacted by this ministry in 2018—we're asking you to join with us and help us begin 2019 in a strong, financially stable position. We've had some friends of the ministry, who have come to us this year and said, “We'd like to make available matching funds to encourage your regular listeners to make a yearend donation.”  23:00 So every dollar you donate is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, with money from this matching-gift fund. We hope to take full advantage of that. We have not hit the threshold yet; so if you're a regular listener, today's a great day for you to go online or to call and make a yearend donation. Our website is FamilyLife.com; our phone number is 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329.  If you make a donation today, we want to send you a thank-you gift—it's a copy of the Like Arrows movie that FamilyLife® produced earlier this year. It's a feature-length film—it was in theaters back a few months ago. It's not available for purchase yet, but the DVD is our gift to you when you help us with a yearend donation. We'd love to  hear from you today. Your donation will be matched, dollar for dollar; you'll get the Like Arrows DVD; and you'll be partnering with the ministry of FamilyLife Today as we go forward.  24:00 Again, donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. And be sure to be back with us, again, tomorrow when we're going to talk about parenting. We're actually going to take some calls from some of our Legacy Partners and interact over themes from Dennis and Barbara's new book, The Art of Parenting. They'll be here, along with FamilyLife's President, David Robbins, and his wife Meg. I hope you can be with us for all of that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry.Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesHe is the Stability of Our Times (Part 1) - Keeping Your FocusHe is the Stability of Our Times (Part 2) - Teaching Your Kids to Handle LossHe is the Stability of Our Times (Part 3) - The Unchanging ChristFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Keeping Your Focus Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       Unshaken: He Is the Stability of Our Times (Day 1 of 3)Air date:                     October 17, 2016  Bob: Do you ever find yourself being anxious or troubled by the events that are taking place in our culture?  You're not alone. Barbara Rainey has the same feelings.  Barbara: I mean, there are plenty of times that I've listened to the news, or read an article, or listened to someone and I've—my response has been fear. I have felt fearful in my heart, and that's not what God wants me to do. He doesn't want me to respond in fear / He wants me to respond in faith. So, my responsibility is to create a balance between the messages that I'm allowing to speak to my heart; and I want to grow the messages that are going to grow my faith.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, October 17th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How do we foster faith in our own heart, and how do we help our children feel secure in times of instability?  We'll talk about that today. Stay with us.  1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You grew up in the Ozarks in southeast Missouri; right?—southwest Missouri.  Dennis: Right.   Bob: At that time, when you were growing up, was there a Silver Dollar City?  Did it exist?   Dennis: No; there was a cave. [Laughter] Bob: I've been to the cave.  Dennis: There was a cave, and there were two shows in Branson.  Bob: Yes; but Silver Dollar City came along years later.  Dennis: The Presley Brothers and—what was the other one?   Barbara: The Baldknobbers.  Dennis: Baldknobbers—that was it. [Laughter] Branson, Missouri, was not the hotspot that it is today; but there was no Silver Dollar City.  Bob: Your wife, who is joining us today—you obviously know the history of Branson a little bit.  Barbara: Well, I just remember Dennis's mother talking about that. I think they went a few times—did you?—when you were growing up? I remember her talking about the Baldknobbers; because it's such an odd, strange— Dennis: No.  Barbara: —weird term.  Dennis: We never.  Bob: You didn't go?   2:00 Dennis: We never.  Barbara: Well, maybe, she used to go—I don't know! [Laughter]   Dennis: I don't know that my mother ever went.  Barbara: Okay; well, she knew about them. [Laughter]  Dennis: It was great, great cultural music; but maybe, a cut above where we were. [Laughter] Bob: I remember—because I grew up in Missouri as well—and I remember vacationing in Branson, as a child, and going to Silver Dollar City. Here is my distinct memory—there was an attraction in the middle of Silver Dollar City called Slantin' Sam's Cabin. Do you remember Slantin' Sam's Cabin?  Does this ring a bell to you?   Barbara: No. We took our kids there, too; but I don't remember it.  Dennis: It must have been a real high point. [Laughter]   Bob: This was a cabin you'd go into where the walls all leaned one way and the floor tilted way up. In fact, I remember—in one room, you'd go in and water ran uphill because of how they had it all arranged.  Dennis: Oh, yes.  Bob: And I loved going to Slantin' Sam's Cabin and just walking through it. You came out feeling disoriented. In fact, years later, when I took Mary Ann there, we walked through it—  3:00 —she said, “I don't want to go to Slantin' Sam's Cabin.”   Barbara: “I don't like this.”   Bob: “It just gives me a headache.”   There is something about the amusements—like those mirrors in the old amusement parks, where you looked everywhere—that can be fun for a day; but if the world you're living in starts to feel like Slantin' Sam's Cabin, all of a sudden, it goes from being a fun attraction to being something that's very disorienting.  Dennis: You know, what you are describing, Bob, is what we want to talk about. Barbara has a passion—and I do too—for equipping families to know how to live in a culture that seems to be more disorienting today than it ever has been. I mean, think about what's taking place politically, what's taking place from a societal standpoint / the redefinitions that now have become the new norm, what's taking place morally in our country, and then, how Christians feel / those who are followers of Christ— 4:00 —how they feel—because they're no longer welcome, in many regards, in our own country. We're now getting blamed for things that are being brought to our country by outsiders.  Bob: Yes; we had a guest earlier this year who talked about—he used the metaphor—he said, “We're no longer the home team.”  There was a day, when we were growing up—to be a Christian and to live out Christian values in this culture—people generally supported that and thought that was good thing.  Dennis: I no longer sit down in an airplane, when I'm travelling to speak at a conference—I no longer think about explaining what I do with quiet the boldness that I used to. I mean, we're about building marriages and families—strong families—that are based upon the Scripture and marriages that are based upon God's design. Well, that view is no longer the majority view in our country today.  Bob: Yes. Barbara, how has this unsettledness that we're all experiencing— 5:00 —how have you felt it?   Barbara: I remember the first time being aware of this during September 11, because that really shook our country to its core. People didn't know what to do / we didn't know what to think—nothing like this had ever happened in any of our lifetimes. Then, again, I remember in 2008, when there was that big economic downturn. People were losing jobs, and people weren't sure what was going to happen tomorrow.  And I remember being in Bible study that year. We were—I don't even remember what we were studying—but we were flipping through some verses and some different references. There was this verse that I didn't think I'd probably ever read before—it is Isaiah 33:6—and it says, “And He shall be the stability of your times.”  That just jumped out at me; because it was in the fall of 2008, when life was feeling very uncertain for almost everybody in our country. It was just such an anchor point to me. I remember thinking: “This is it. This is the verse that I want to hang onto whenever life feels like it's being turned upside down or when we're walking through Slantin' Sam's Cabin”; right? [Laughter] 6:00 Bob: Yes. So, that was eight years ago.  Barbara: Yes.  Bob: That verse kind of reemerged in your thinking this year. In fact, as you've been working on the Ever Thine Home® collection—the work that you do—that verse came into focus. You said, “This needs to be hanging in homes.”    Barbara: Well, because I think it's, not just the environment in our country, but it's the things that we face as families. So, whether it's the loss of a job, or your children are being bullied at school, or there are just difficulties—there are hard things in life. It doesn't matter if it's cultural-wide instability or if it's just some instability you're experiencing in your own family or in your own town—Jesus is our security / He is our stability. I just know that that's true for all women / it's true for all men too—that we need to remember that, no matter what's happening around us / no matter what kind of change is happening in our culture, in our city, in our town, in our lives— 7:00 —Jesus is the stability of our times.  Dennis: Barbara and I were talking about this as we drove down to see her mom last Sunday. She lives about two hours south of here. We were just talking about the need for families to kind of go back to Deuteronomy, Chapter 6, where God was establishing the nation of Israel. He did it by commanding them to “Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, and mind and to train your children to do the same.” And He said: “These words which I am commanding you today shall be on your doorposts. They shall be on your gates.”  You need to remind yourself of where your stability really is.  If you go back to the Bible and just start reading through the Psalms—I've been spending some times in the Psalms recently—there are a lot of “fear nots.”  There are a lot of passages that challenge us to make God our refuge. People ask me all the time:  8:00 “What do you think about what's happened today?”—and, I mean, it's a different happening every day—it seems. [Laughter] Bob: You're right.  Dennis: And I just said yesterday—I said: “Well, I know who wins!  I know who wins in the end. I've read the Book.”  The Bible tells me that God, through Jesus Christ, did the battle that had to occur on behalf of our forgiveness and our eternal destiny by defeating death; and He has been seated at the right hand of God the Father. And you know what?  God's going to win.  Now, in the meantime, will there be difficult days?  Yes. Are these days where we need to be training our children to know how to think about themselves / how to think about circumstances?  There is always going to be bad news. So, the question is: “What's your grid?  How are you going to make God the stability of your days?”   Bob: Barbara, you have been on a boat, when the waves come; and all of a sudden, the floor doesn't feel as stable as it did.  9:00 You've been on airplanes, when things get a little turbulent. In fact, you've slept through or been in an earthquake?   Barbara: We didn't sleep through the earthquake. [Laughter] Bob: It woke you up; huh?   Barbara: Yes; it woke us up. I remember, a number of years ago, Dennis and I had all six of our kids. We were staying with friends who live in Southern California. We were staying in a condo that they had borrowed—so it was fairly small. All the kids were sleeping on the floor in the living room.  Dennis: Like cordwood, I mean—  Barbara: And there were only two bedrooms. Dennis and I had one; and our friends, Ron and Mary, had the other bedroom. I remember we woke up at two in the morning. My first impression was that a Mack® truck had plowed into the building. Now, why I thought that—I don't know, because we weren't next to the freeway—but that was the feeling that I got, because the walls were shaking like something had just pounded into them; but it didn't subside. Then, I realized the chandelier in the ceiling was going back and forth. Then, I realized it wasn't just the one wall in our bedroom—   10:00 —but everything was moving.  Dennis: And then, she woke me up. I heard the fireplace—the fireplace was rattling; okay?   Bob: So, you slept through the first part of this earthquake—[Laughter]   Dennis: —until she woke me up. And I started realizing: “Something is happening here. Something is going on.”    Barbara: Yes.  Dennis: And I mean, it was worse than Slantin' Sam's Cabin, Bob. [Laughter]   Barbara: Yes; we jumped up, and the other couple did too / our friends did too. We all ran into the living room to check on our kids. And you know, I remember the chandelier in that room was swinging back and forth. I don't know that the kids woke up; but we stood there thinking, “What do we do?” because we didn't know how long it was going to last. We didn't know if this was just a tremor, and then, it was going to be a really bad earthquake.  Dennis: We went on the radio and listened, and there was no news. We heard some sirens, but you didn't know where the earthquake had occurred.  Bob: And you know, that picture is an apt metaphor for the kinds of emotional earthquakes—whether it's a cultural shift like we've experienced over the last several years / an economic shift, like you've described, when you don't know what tomorrow's going to look like— 11:00 —there can be anxiety and fear that come along with that.  Barbara: Yes; because what you trusted in is not stable anymore. So, the floors that we were used to walking on and weren't moving—you don't know quite how to walk on floors that are moving.  The same thing is true, relationally. If there is a loss in your personal life or if just the culture that we're living in has changed so that we don't really know how we're supposed to act anymore / we don't really know what we're supposed to say—it creates this insecurity / it creates this instability—because what we had once assumed was true is now no longer true. We have to rethink: “How do I live in this kind of situation?  How do I think in this country that feels like it's going through an earthquake?”   Bob: So, if somebody today looks at where we are living—and they feel anxious about the future / they're concerned about bringing up their kids— 12:00 —I've had people say, “Would Belize be a place to move to?”  I mean, people are starting to think, “Where can I find something that will be a little more supportive of what I believe and what's important to me?” How do you respond to the reality of uncertainty and the fact that you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or on Election Day?   Barbara: Well, I think for some people that may be a viable question to ask: “Do we need to continue to live here?”  We've had people say the same thing to us too: “Should we move to another country?”  But that's not for everybody / that's not even for the majority of people.  I think the only answer is to go back to what we know is true of God. One of my favorite verses is Hebrews 13:8, where it says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”  He is the same today as He was back when the ground wasn't shaking; and He will be the same next year, when we don't know what next year is going to bring.  13:00 For me, personally, the solution is to listen less to all the fear speech and to all the—even weather reports are designed to scare you half to death—to listen to and to tone down all the stuff that's generating fear and turn up the volume on what's not changing, which is God and my relationship with Him. It gives me the opportunity to choose to grow my roots deeper into Him as opposed to assuming that everything is going to be the way it's always been.  Bob: Okay; so, I've got to just jump in here—because somebody says, “It sounds to me like what you're saying is: ‘If the news is frightening, turn off the news. Just put your head in the sand/bury it; or put your fingers in your ears, and recite Scripture verses.'”  That's not what you're saying.   Barbara: No, that's not what I'm saying; because I don't think we need to be ignorant. I think we need to know what's going on, and we need to pray; but I think it's the balance of who we are listening to:   14:00 “Am I listening more to what is happening in the culture?  Am I listening more to those who are talking in terms that make me afraid?” I mean, there are plenty of times that I've listened to the news, or read an article, or listened to someone; and my response has been fear. I have felt fearful in my heart, and that's not what God wants me to do. He doesn't want me to respond in fear / He wants me to respond in faith.  My responsibility is to create a balance between the messages that I'm allowing to speak to my heart. I want to grow the messages that are going to grow my faith. I want to increase listening to God in His Word and focusing on what I know to be true—that is unchangeable / that is the Rock. Jesus is often called our Rock, and I want to focus on the Rock and not on the shifting sand that's all around me.  Bob: So, I'd apply it this way—if you are spending more time with—you can pick your choice / Fox News or MSNBC, depending upon your political persuasion— 15:00 —if you spend more time listening to either of those outlets than you did listening to God's Word yesterday, then, probably, you're more consumed with fear than with faith; wouldn't you think?   Barbara: I would say so; yes.  Dennis: And think about what's about to happen in our country—I mean, there's going to be an election. Now, there's going to be a winner—a bunch of winners—and there is going to be a bunch of losers.  Bob: Yes; change is coming, and we have no idea where that change is going to take us.  Dennis: That's right. And there are people of all kinds of political persuasions, who listen to FamilyLife Today. You know what?  We welcome people of different beliefs—we're glad you're listening—because we're just going to talk about what we see the Bible saying, and applying it to our lives today, and how to deal with it. So, the question is: “How are you going to deal with loss?  How are you going to deal with things not going your way?  What are you going to say to your kids the day after the election?”  16:00 I think Christians today, more than ever, have to know the truth—first of all, about God; second, about themselves—and thirdly, about: “Why are we here?  What's our assignment in the meantime?”   And I just go back to these truths:  Number one, God exists. Faith has to have an object, and the object of our faith is God; because He does exist.  Secondly, He has won the battle. As a result, He is ruling—He is the sovereign King of kings and Lord of lords. If He is not the sovereign King, that means man is in control.  Third, if we know Christ / if we've been forgiven by Him, then, that means we have eternal life. We've got a purpose / a plan.  Fourth, we've been rescued from hell—redeemed.  Fifth, He's given us good works for us to do.  17:00 It says in Ephesians, Chapter 2, verse 10: “You are created in Christ Jesus for good works which He prepared beforehand, that you should walk in them.”  He's got an assignment for you in the midst of this chaos.  Then, finally, sixth: “All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”   So, my assignment is to be obedient to what God called me to do, to train my kids to do the same, and to not believe the lies of the culture and the lies of the news that want to create fear and want to cause confusion and to spike ratings. I'm in the process of living life, and I want to challenge Christians—in fact, this is really the purpose of these broadcasts—we want to anchor you in the stability of God; but secondly, we want you to seize the day. These are days—these ought to be among the finest hours for followers of Christ to represent Him as never before and to be on mission.  18:00 You can't do that if you've forgotten who you are / you can't do that if you've forgotten what your assignment is—we need to be on that task today as never before.  Bob: When I look at the plaque that you've created—that quotes Isaiah 33:6: “And He shall be the stability of your times,”—I think of Matthew 7 / the passage that you quote routinely, Dennis, about what you're going to build your house on—sand or rock?  Is it going to be on something that's shaky and shifty or on something that is stable?  That's really Jesus telling us to go back to the foundation of: “What do we believe about who God is and about His love for us?”   Barbara: I think this is really a great opportunity for us as believers to shine. God wants us to let His light shine; and if we have built our house on the Rock and if we are sinking our roots down into Him, then—no matter what happens after the election / no matter what happens tomorrow or six months from now— 19:00 —we will remain unshaken. And that, in and of itself, is a witness to the watching world that there is something different about Christians.  Christians throughout the ages have been known for that. Back in Roman times, when they were killing Christians, they didn't walk away from their faith just because they were being arrested and tied to the stake. They continued to hang onto what they knew was true no matter how hard the circumstances of their lives.  Bob: And really, our day is—we're still in a lot better shape than the first Christians— Barbara: Oh my goodness; yes.  Bob: —living under Roman rule in the first century; right?   Dennis: I mean, it's not costing us our lives, yet. I do think of a quote by a pastor down in Florida—I think he was in Melbourne, Florida. His name was Jamie Buckingham. He said, “The problem with Christians today is that no one wants to kill them.”  [Laughter] Now, I always kind of smirk about that; but it's interesting— 20:00 —they so changed the world. Their message was so radical that there was an opposing force that wanted to take them out.  I want to go back to what Barbara was talking about, just a moment ago, and just read the words of Christ. Matthew, Chapter 5, verse 14—this would make a great verse just to read this out loud as a couple or as a family every day in the morning or every evening at the dinner table. Jesus said this: “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”   There's our assignment—   21:00 —be on mission. Don't be neutral. Don't be hiding in a corner, cowering at the giants that dwell in the land; instead, train your kids to know how to pick up five smooth stones and go slay a giant or two today at school or in the market place. I'm not talking about violence, by the way—I'm talking about with the love of Jesus Christ.  Bob: I'm thinking there may be a lot of our listeners who would love to have, hanging in their home, Isaiah 33:6: “He shall be the stability of your times.”  You could print that out on a piece of computer paper if you wanted to; or I'd encourage listeners—go to our website and see the Isaiah 33:6 plaque—you can order from us online if you'd like. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call to order if you'd like—1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”   22:00 Let me also mention—our team has put together a series of devotions for couples or families to go through—at the dinner table, or at bedtime, or in the morning when you're having breakfast together—ten devotions where you can talk about how we can rest in Christ and how we can be full of faith, even in times of anxiety. These devotions are available on FamilyLife's app. If you've not downloaded that yet, it's available from your app store. Just click the link that says, “Help and hope,” when you download the app; or you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to download the devotions as well.  Now, today, we want to say a special “Happy anniversary!” to Dave and Jane Rossiter, who have recently joined staff, here at FamilyLife. The Rossiters are celebrating 29 years of marriage together. They listen to FamilyLife Today on WCRF, out of Cleveland, Ohio. We're glad to have the Rossiters joining our team. We just want to say: “Happy anniversary! Twenty-nine years together— 23:00 —that's a pretty good accomplishment.”   In fact, we think all anniversaries are pretty exciting and ought to be celebrated. At FamilyLife, our mission is to effectively develop godly marriages and families so that there are more anniversaries celebrated for more years. We want to see couples and families change the world one home at a time.  And I want to say, “Thank you,” to those of you who share that mission with us and who make it possible for the content we're creating to be distributed all around the world to millions of people who are connecting to the ministry of FamilyLife. Thank you for all you're doing to help develop godly marriages and families.  If you can help with a donation today, we'd love to say, “Thank you,” by sending a banner that Barbara Rainey has created that talks about your home being an embassy of the kingdom of heaven. It's our thank-you gift when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation; or you can mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. 24:00 Now, tomorrow, we want to talk more about how we can raise up children who are not full of fear but who are full of faith and who are able to stand courageously for Christ in times of instability. We'll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be here with us.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.   Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesHe is the Stability of Our Times (Part 1) - Keeping Your FocusHe is the Stability of Our Times (Part 2) - Teaching Your Kids to Handle LossHe is the Stability of Our Times (Part 3) - The Unchanging ChristFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Teaching Your Kids to Handle Loss Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey           From the series:       Unshaken: He Is the Stability of Our Times (Day 2 of 3)Air date:                     October 18, 2016  Bob: As a parent, do you want your children to grow up full of faith and courage?  Then, your children need to see a mom and a dad who are full of faith and are courageous. Here's Barbara Rainey.  Barbara: I think that that's our call as parents—is to model a relationship with Jesus Christ that's authentic, and strong, and rooted in the Rock. That's what our kids will notice, and they will follow that. That's what we want—we want our children to grow a faith too, but we have to remember that we are modeling that in what we say and in what we do because our kids are paying attention.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, October 18th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. In times of instability, are you modeling for your children what it looks like to walk by faith and be full of courage?  We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us.  1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. I have some counsel for those who might be trying to decide on a church home. If you should show up at a local church and the worship pastor says, “Let's sing the great hymn, A Mighty Fortress Is Our God, and let's sing verses one, two, and four,” you should leave that church immediately; and you should never consider joining that church.  Now, there are some hymns—first of all, I just— Dennis: The one, two, and four—counsel of Bob Lepine. [Laughter] You heard it first here on FamilyLife Today.  Bob: There are some hymns where it's fine to skip a verse if you want to; okay?  I don't prefer it—I like to sing all of the verses of all of the hymns— Barbara: I do too. I agree Bob: —but I'm also aware that Charles Wesley did write some hymns that had 20 verses to them. So, I get narrowing it down to the best ones. But when it comes to Martin Luther's A Mighty Fortress Is Our God, this is based on Psalm 46.  2:00 You can't go from verse two to verse four without skipping a big, important part in the middle. Barbara: A big chunk of Psalm 46.  Bob: Exactly right. And Psalm 46 is that Psalm that says, “God is our Rock, our fortress, our ever present help in time of need.”  I was thinking about the hymn and thinking about that Psalm—with what we've been talking about this week—because a fortress is a place that you go into to feel safe from an enemy that might be attacking you. And there are times in our culture today, where we look around and go, “It feels like I need a fortress just to rest for a little bit.”    Dennis: And fortunately, I'm married to a great woman who recognizes that, not only do we need a fortress—and reminds me of that in our marriage / in our family— 3:00 —but also pinned both Bob and me underneath her foot and said, “I've got to go into the studio and share with our listeners the need for stability today.”  [Laughter]  Bob: Let me just say—it was not a hostile takeover.  Dennis: It wasn't.  Barbara: Thank you.  Bob: We were very happy.  Barbara: Thank you.  Dennis: Semi—semi-hostile. [Laughter]  But she is all about a new plaque that she has developed. Interestingly, when she created it, she said, “You know, we haven't even talked about it on FamilyLife Today, and these things are flying out of the warehouse,” —it is Isaiah 33:6: “And He shall be the stability of your times.”  Share why you have created this, Sweetheart.  Barbara: Well, I think everyone is aware that we live in a very uncertain world, and it's not just in America; but it's all around the world. People are feeling the sand underneath their feet shifting, and people don't know quite what to do with economic changes. They don't know what to do with political changes. They don't know how to respond to changes in their family.  4:00 Life is an uncertain adventure. And when uncertainty comes or when instability is felt, we need to know what to do—we need to know how to respond and what to do next.  The idea of putting this verse on a plaque—in a really pretty frame too—is so that we can be reminded every day in our homes that Jesus is our stability: He is the One who never changes; He is the One who is the Rock; He is the One who is our fortress. So, no matter what's happening personally or no matter what's happening in our world around us, He will never change; and that's what gives me my security.  Dennis: Uncertain adventures demand leadership. What Barbara's talking about demands leadership of men and women in all walks of life—whether you live in an apartment, inner city, suburban America, smaller towns across the country. These are days when individual followers of Christ need to know who they are and why they are here.  5:00 Barbara and I were talking about just the whole need for leadership in the family in the midst of uncertain times. I was reminded of a story that I told in my book, Stepping Up. It's a story about Sir Ernest Shackleton who, at the age of 40, recruited men to go with him to the South Pole, the Antarctic. He took 27 men on December 5, 1914. After 45 days at sea, ran into what was called heavy pack ice that trapped his ship in the pack ice and they couldn't get loose. They tried for three weeks—couldn't get out of the pack ice. I want to read you what leadership sounds like in uncertain times.  This was written by the ship surgeon, Alexander Macklin, in his diary.  6:00 He said this about Shackleton: “Shackleton, at this time, showed one of his sparks of real greatness. He did not rage at all or show outwardly the slightest sign of disappointment. He told us simply and calmly that we must winter in the pack, explained its dangers and possibilities, never lost his optimism, and prepared for winter.”   I think that's a picture, Bob, of the family today.  Bob: Do you think we are headed into a long winter season where— Dennis: I think we are in the winter—I feel it. We're no longer the majority / no longer feel welcome, necessarily, in the market place with our opinions as we have in the past. So, therefore, what are we going to do?  How are we going to view ourselves in the midst of this?  I think we were put here for such a time as this.  Bob: Let me just recite through, if I can, the lyrics to A Mighty Fortress because I think it's instructive— 7:00 Barbara: Okay. Bob: —in the day in which we live. Here's Luther, who was living in a turbulent time, and he wrote:  A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing; Our helper He, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing: No matter what's going on, God is going to prevail above that flood of mortal ills. For still our ancient foe—and that's the devil—doth seek to work us woe; His craft and power are great, and armed with cruel hate, On earth, is not his equal.  You get there, and that's kind of depressing.  Dennis: That's why you've got to sing the rest of the hymn.  Bob: That's right.  Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;   In other words, if we thought, “I'll take care of this,”—our striving would be losing; Were not the right man on our side, the man of God's own choosing: Dost ask who that may be?  Christ Jesus, it is He;  Lord Sabaoth His name, from age to age the same, 8:00 And He must win the battle.  So, you don't fight this on your own; right?   Barbara: Right.  Bob: And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us, We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph through us:The Prince of Darkness grim, we tremble not for him;His rage we can endure, for lo, his doom is sure,One little word—I love that—One little word— Barbara: I know.  Bob: —shall fell him. And what's the word?  Well—That word above all earthly powers, no thanks to them, abideth; The Spirit and the gifts are ours through Him who with us sideth:  Then, it says—you come to the end here.   Let goods and kindred go,—don't hang onto your stuff. Don't even hang onto people if they're keeping you from Him; right?— 9:00 —this mortal life also;  Dennis: Death to self.  Bob: The body they may kill: God's truth abideth still; His kingdom is forever.  I mean, I get chills just reading it. When I'm in unstable times—when I'm thinking, “Okay; where do you find help and hope?—Psalm 46 / that's the Psalm that this was built around—that hymn is a great reminder of where our stability / where our anchor is.  Barbara: I think it's a great reminder that, throughout the ages, what has been the Rock for Christians in the past is the Rock for us today. And that Rock is Jesus Christ. Luther taught us in that hymn that that is where our dependence needs to be—not on people—but only on God and on His Word.  Bob: How do we help kids get a sense of that—not just get it up here / just in their heads— 10:00 —but how do we teach our kids how to be anxious for nothing and how not to fear?  What do we do?   Barbara: We have—as moms and dads, we have to have lots of conversations with our kids about these things because they are going to encounter difficulties in school, and with neighborhood kids, and in their life as they grow up, regardless of what's happening in the world around them. Jesus said, “In this world, you will have trouble.”  And moms and dads who aren't teaching their children how to handle trouble are setting their kids up for great disappointment, because those kids are going to trust in their circumstances and not trust in Christ.  Dennis: And I just want to insert here—Barbara and I give each other permission to be sad about circumstances / to be grieved about what's happening— Barbara: Right.  Dennis: —to spill out, maybe, discouragement around what we're seeing, as individuals, both in our marriage but also in our family.  11:00 I think something that's really healthy here is to give your kids permission to articulate what they're feeling and experiencing, too, because it's real. If the family is a safe place for kids to go: “You know, I'm kind of scared. This is kind of unsettling to me as a boy,”—I think those are great moments in that young man's life or a young lady's life, where you can come in and say: “Thanks for sharing that. Loss is real.”  We need to talk about how we are grieving certain losses in our lives, but we need to move from that loss back to stability and how God is our refuge.  Bob: During times of war or conflict, kids can often be afraid, wondering how close the war is— Barbara: Yes.  Bob: —to where they live. And in some cases, there's reason to be alert to danger; but there is a difference between being alert to danger and being full of fear; isn't there?   Barbara: Yes, and being overtaken by it. I think that's the job of parents— 12:00 —is to listen to your kids' fears, talk to them about them, pray with them, hug them, love them, comfort them, and try to help correct the situations that they find themselves in. Parents are supposed to be protectors. We're supposed to take care of our kids, but there will come points in which Mom and Dad can't fix everything. And even in the midst of the things that we can, the hope is always to point our children back to Jesus.  And it reminds me of a story that I read, probably, 20 years ago. I read a little tiny piece of an article that was about the Armenian genocide that happened in the early 1900s—1914 and ‘15. It was the story of what one mother said to her daughters in the midst of that. I—just a few years ago, I found the book that was written by this same family that told the details of that story. I felt like—when I ordered it, and found it, and it came in the mail, I felt like I had this treasure chest of pearls.  13:00 It just felt like this exquisite gift that I had just gotten.  It was a used copy / paperback copy of this book, but it was written by the woman who was the little girl at the time. She tells the story of how her family was a Christian family. They had great friendships in their community, and they did things together. She grew up singing all these Christian songs and playing safely in their backyard, climbing trees, and doing all the things that normal children do.  And then, one day—she was about 11—and World War I broke out. When the war began, things changed in their country.  Armenia is a portion of the country of Turkey. The political and governmental climate in the country of Turkey changed dramatically. All of a sudden, her Christian family was not safe anymore. Her mom and dad were not safe anymore, and neither were the other Christian families that they were friends with either. Her parents were talking to her and her little sister.  14:00 They were also preparing them that: “This might not turn out well for us; but no matter what, we're going to believe in Jesus. I want you to remember that.”   One day, the soldiers came to the village. Soldiers arrested her father and took him away. She watched—as the oldest of the two children, she watched where they took her dad. She ran over there later in the evening and found where he was. He had been beaten badly, and he was tied up and chained. She got down on the ground and put her little head next to his and started talking to him.  This is what her daddy said to her—he said: “Elizabeth, never give up Christ no matter how much suffering might come. Christ died for us, and we can be as brave as His name.”  That was the last time she ever saw her father.  I was so struck by the fact that that father had the presence of mind to tell his little girl— 15:00 —whom he wanted to protect, whom he wanted to rescue, whom he wanted to save from all that was coming, and he couldn't do it. So, he did the next best thing—really, the very best thing—but he put her hand in the hand of Jesus. He took her heart and turned it toward God who was over all.  Then, the story goes on to say that not long after—I can't remember now if it was months or a year later—she, and her little sister, and her mother were rounded up again by the soldiers. They were all shipped off to another part of the country. There, they—all three of them—began to work for different families as a way to survive and a way to hopefully endure throughout the war.  One day, her mother managed to get away. She found Elizabeth, who was still 11 or, maybe, 12 by then at the time. She said: “My time of suffering has come. Tomorrow, they are taking everyone who does not renounce Christ and claim allegiance to Mohammed—they are taking all of us away.”   16:00 And this is what she said—so, the mother, now, had her moment with her daughter.  She said, “I cannot give up Christ no matter how much you girls will need me.”  When I read that, as a mom, it just broke my heart; because the last thing a mom wants to do is to let her kids be taken / to let her kids suffer. We would rather be killed than watch our children suffer. Yet, she clung to Christ. She said, “I cannot give up Christ no matter how much you girls will need me.”  She said, “I cannot give Him up. I know that He will watch over both of you.”  “After crying together,”—Elizabeth writes—“my mother ran back to her Turkish home. The next day, the soldiers came and took all the adults and marched them away into exile, and they all died.”   So, now, Elizabeth is an orphan—she and her sister. The rest of the book goes on to tell how God did, indeed, rescue the two of them and kept them safe through the end of the war.  17:00 At the end of the war, they were able to immigrate to the United States, and they both lived normal lives from then on.  I just couldn't get over the depth of faith of these two parents—of this mom and this dad—who, when they wanted with every fiber of their being to take care of their two precious girls that they loved dearly, clung to Christ and trusted that God was big enough to take care of them. I wondered, when I read that 20 years ago—I thought: “Could I do that?  Could I trust God with my children?”  And yet, it's the question that I think all parents have to look to—we all have to answer that question: “Is God big enough to take care of my children?”   As we look at the uncertain times that we're living in—it's nothing like that—but we feel that same anxiety. We feel that same instability. We feel that same fear, and the answer is still the same: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is still on His throne.  18:00 “He can still be trusted. He can still take care of us.”  That's the message we need to teach our children so that they will grow up and they will be able to do the same—they will be able to put their faith in Christ and trust in Him.  Bob: You tell that story that you've shared with us today in a book you wrote, Growing Together in Truth. It's a collection of stories designed to be read, as a family, to help encourage and strengthen faith. I think the main thing—as I heard you telling the story—the main thing that came home to me is: “If our kids are anxious and fearful, they are probably picking it up from us. And if our kids are going to be full of faith— Barbara: They are picking it up from us.  Bob: They really do take their cues— Barbara: Absolutely.  Bob: —from how they see us responding to human events.  Barbara: And that's what is so stunning to me about this story—is that this mother and this father portrayed a really strong faith to those girls, and those girls picked up on that.  19:00 And I think that that's the real question for moms and dads: “Do you really believe that God is big enough, and will you grow your faith so that you can pass on that kind of faith to your children?”   Dennis: As Barbara was reading that story, I thought: “As parents, we have two assignments. One, we are to be spiritual commentators on the times. A commentator is providing context for what is taking place. As a parent, we need to be providing spiritual commentary. We need to be talking about it from the Bible—looking at life / talking about: ‘What's happening here?  What's going on?'  These are days that are ripe with opportunity.  “A second aspect of being a parent, that we dare not miss is—parents are to be spiritual priests. They are to direct faith. They are not to be ashamed of what they believe.  20:00 “As you just said, Bob, they need to have a faith / be living it out, but directing their children at knowing how to process this.”   In a time of crisis like this father was facing, as he was dying, he was just doing what he had always done naturally. He was placing his faith in Christ. As he took his daughter's hand and put it in the hand of Christ—as you said, Barbara—he was just doing what he'd always done with his little girl. In a time of crisis, you don't do something extraordinary if you haven't been doing it before.  Barbara: And he was modeling for her what authentic faith looks like. I think that that's our call as parents—is to model a relationship with Jesus Christ that's authentic, and strong, and rooted in the Rock. That's what our kids will notice, and they will follow that. That's what we want. We want our children to grow a faith, too; but we have to remember that we are modeling that in what we say and in what we do, because our kids are paying attention.  21:00 Bob: I know you have been involved in helping to put together the devotions that we have created—a series of ten devotions for families to read through / interact around—all related to this issue of how we cultivate stability in our lives / where our security comes from.  If you've got the FamilyLife app on your smartphone or your device, you can pull it up and hit where it says, “Help and Hope.” You can get these ten devotions available so you can use them with your family at a meal time—or just together as a couple—go through these devotions. If you don't have the FamilyLife app, it's available from your app store. Just look for it and download it so that you have access to more of our content and access to this daily radio program as well.  You can also download the ten devotions when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; and that's where you can see the Isaiah 33:6 stability plaque that Barbara has created that is available for order.  22:00 You can order it online so it can hang in your home, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order the plaque. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; and our toll-free number to order is 1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”   You know, our goal, here at FamilyLife, is to see every home become a godly home. We think that ultimately the solution for what ails us, as a nation / in our world, is that there would be a return to a biblical understanding of what it means to live in harmony in your home. It starts with your marriage; and then, it continues as you raise children who know and love Christ. The mission of this ministry is to effectively develop godly marriages and families who change the world one home at a time.  23:00 In a very real sense, when you invest in the ministry of FamilyLife Today, the funds that you're entrusting to us are being used to help grow stronger, healthier, more biblically-anchored marriages and families. We just want to say, “Thank you,” to those of you who partner with us in this endeavor. You're helping cover the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program, articles that are being written and distributed online, our events, and our resources. It's all because folks, like you, care about marriages and families in our country and in our world.  If you are able to help with a donation today, we'd love to say, “Thank you,” by sending you a banner that reminds you that your home is an embassy for the kingdom of heaven. It's a banner Barbara has created. You can request yours when you make a donation to FamilyLife Today online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone; or you can request the banner and mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.  24:00 Now, tomorrow, we want to talk more about how we can cultivate in our own heart a sense of peace and a sense of stability even when the 24-hour news channels are telling us that our world is in trouble and that there is no hope. We'll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesHe is the Stability of Our Times (Part 1) - Keeping Your FocusHe is the Stability of Our Times (Part 2) - Teaching Your Kids to Handle LossHe is the Stability of Our Times (Part 3) - The Unchanging ChristFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Unchanging Christ Guests:                     Dennis and Barbara Rainey                                               From the series:       Unshaken: He Is the Stability of Our Times (Day 3 of 3)Air date:                     October 19, 2016                   Bob: Do you look at what's happening in our world and in our culture and lose heart?Barbara Rainey says there's reason for optimism. Barbara: I think, in the long run, this is going to be very good for the people of God.  It's going to be very good for the church, because it will prove who really belongs to Christ. It will prove what we're really made of and where our loyalties lie; because if our loyalties are in the government—and who's in power / who the President is—that's going to go away / that's going to fade. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday October 19th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  Could it be that God is actually causing all things to work together for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose, even in a political election year? We'll discuss that today. Stay with us. 1:00  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. So here's the question: “Optimist or pessimist—which are you?” And your wife is here. [Laughter] So whatever you say, I am going to get a fact-checker, right here, to determine whether what you say is true. Dennis: I'm a realistic optimist.  Bob: A realistic optimist. [Laughter] That sounds like you're hedging your bets on— Dennis: No; no. I just take a real clear look at what's taking place. These are troubling days/challenging days—we don't know what the future holds.  But that's how I describe myself. I think I want to respond in faith. I think we are put here for good works. In fact, I was just thinking about this broadcast—I quoted this earlier on the broadcast—Psalm 37, verse 3:   2:00“Trust in the Lord and do good.” You can't be a pessimist and do nothing—you have to trust in the Lord, and I think, be an optimist. An optimist says, “God is at work.”  I just walked into a meeting a few minutes ago and was just talking about the days in which we are alive. The gentleman who was there said, "Do you think maybe God's got a message for us?" And I said, "Do you think?!" [Laughter] I mean, these are fascinating days: “What is He up to? Why would you want to be up to anything else other than what God's doing?” Bob: Okay; let me see if your wife would agree with your characterization. Is he a realistic optimist? Is that a good characterization? Barbara: I do think that's a good description, and I was trying to decide what I would say. I would say he's definitely not a pessimist. Bob: Okay.  Dennis: But what about you, Bob? Barbara: He's by far more optimistic than pessimistic. Bob: I want to know about Barbara first.  Dennis: Okay. Bob: Are you an optimist?—or a pessimist? 3:00 Barbara: Well, honestly, I think I'd have to say the same answer that Dennis gave; because I can see the negative in things, but I think my faith calls me back to believe God. I think were it not for my faith, I think I would probably be a pessimist— Bob: Yes. Barbara: —because I tend toward depression. I tend toward realism and practicality; so I tend to see the reasons why things won't work sometimes. But—  Bob: So how hard was it for you to create a plaque that says, "He shall be the stability of our times”?—Isaiah 33:6. Barbara: Well, actually, this one was pretty easy. There have been some other things that weren't so easy, but this one was pretty easy. Bob: A lot of people have seen this and said: “I need that— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —“in my home. I need something that reminds me—in a time, where we start to lose faith / where we start to lose hope— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —“I need something to remind me that there is still a reason for hope”; right? 4:00 Barbara: Well, the purpose of this plaque is to help us remember that there is Someone who never changes. I may change, my circumstances may change, my family may change, the country may change—I mean, everything is up for grabs except Jesus. The plaque we designed so that it will remind us every day, if you hang it in your house, He shall be the stability of your times. And why? Because Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. He won't change. He's never going anywhere.  No matter how unstable the world feels at any given moment, He's never changing. That reminder, I think, is really important for us, as Christians, in this era in which we live; because we are surrounded by so much that is creating uncertainly, and creating fear, and creating anxiety in our hearts. Jesus wants us to not be afraid but to trust in Him. Bob: So let me ask the realistic optimist— Barbara: Optimist 5:00 Bob: —over here: “As you look at the world that we are in today—you look at the economic condition, you look at the political scene / we've got an election coming up. We're going to have a new President, and we don't know which direction we're going to be headed. Are you hopeful about where we will be, as a church / as Americans? Do you think we will be in a better place a year from now / two years from now?” Dennis: I'll tell you what I was thinking back the Fourth of July when I was in church with Barbara's mom and they sang the song, America the Beautiful. I have to tell you—as we sang that song, I was sad because it talks about crowning our good with brotherhood. It talks about nobleness, about character, about America representing God. I was really sad; but I didn't stay sad for long because I thought: "You know what? This is why we're here." 6:00 Bob, I am more resolute than ever that these days ought to be the days when Christians are shining their lights the brightest. Marriages and families are in serious trouble, folks. Who's got the solution? Our God does. The Bible begins with a marriage / it ends with a marriage. The Bible contains the blueprints for making marriages and families work. This is an opportunity for our day. Are there political challenges? Are there economic challenges? Are there challenges with poverty in our country / with morality? No question about it, but what is the solution? I believe it is speaking to the needs of the human heart and the soul of individual people. I don't know of another solution if we abandon the gospel of Jesus Christ right now. . Bob: In the early 1980s, I remember we were—we had a Bible study that met in our home.  7:00 This was a time when I remember a friend of mine, who gave me advice—he said, "You should put your savings—whatever money you have—put it in a money market fund; because”—he said—"you can earn 10/12 percent interest on your money in a money market fund." It was true in those days, because inflation was so high that you could get that kind of interest securely on your money.  I remember thinking—in the midst of that Bible study: “I wonder how much of the affluence that we experience in our country is responsible for the spiritual lethargy of God's people?” I had this thought—I thought, “I wonder if a depression / another Great Depression would stir up a revival?” And then, I had this thought.” How badly do I want a revival?” I mean, I thought: “I don't know that I want a depression! I don't want to go though the hardship.”  8:00 But honestly, we're in a time of hardship, as Christians, in our day that I couldn't have imagined back in 1980. It does—to your point, Dennis—it does call us to live our lives boldly and to be lights in a dark world. Dennis: It reminds me of the verse that we would read over each of our children as we launched our arrows into college—we'd take them as a freshman. We'd, you know, the girls—we would take a semi truck up to unload all their gear and get them moved in.  Then I would read this verse—Philippians 2: “Do all things without grumbling or questioning that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the Word of life so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain nor labor in vain,”— 9:00 —there's a daddy speaking there. But it's also our heavenly Father speaking to us. He wants us to do good—to dwell in the land, cultivate faithfulness, trust God—but He wants us to be in the marketplace, doing good things, redeeming situations, and taking the gospel of Christ to people who need Him.  All of us ought to have some tool or a number of tools we have that we can give away to others to share the gospel of Christ as we go about our duties in this culture, because you don't know who you're rubbing shoulders with. These are human beings that are going to live for eternity somewhere. Bob: You keep copies of your book, Stepping Up, in the back of the pickup truck; don't you? Dennis: I do. You know, it's an inexpensive way to share Christ—to give a book away. It helps that I wrote the book. Bob: Yes; you can buy it for a little discount. 10:00 Dennis: I can. [Laughter] But you know, here's the thing—you ought to have some way of being able to share your faith and leave it with someone, to be able to check back at a later date and say, "Hey, what did you think about what I gave you?" I give Barbara's book away, Letters to my Daughters, because I think there are a lot of young ladies / a lot of wives who don't know how to do this thing called being a wife. Bob: Barbara, are you hopeful, as you look to the future—as you are now looking at your kids raising your grandchildren—and you think about the world that will be theirs in 20 years—do you think, “I really think they are going to have a better world than the one I grew up in”? Barbara: Oh, I don't know that I think that there're going to have a better world, because that's such a big unknown. I think it kind of depends on the day that you ask me. [Laughter] Some days you ask me, I might be really afraid for my kids and my grandkids. But I think, when I pull back and look at the big picture, I remember that God is in control and He uses suffering, He uses hard times, and He uses difficulty in our lives to prune us.  11:00 This may be a time of pruning, and as you talked earlier, about revival coming. It may be that that is what God is up to, but we don't know.  We do know that He is in control / we do know that He is orchestrating. The situations that we find ourselves in are not what we would choose / they might not be what we would like, but we have to believe that God is sovereign over all. I think about the years of persecution in China and how the church has just exploded in China, even in spite of the persecution. We don't think that makes sense to us. You would think that, in persecution, people would go away—nobody would want to name the name of Christ. Why would you?—because you might be arrested and thrown in prison. And yet, people saw such a difference in their Chinese neighbors, who were believers—that they wanted what they had, in spite of the cost.  We haven't lived under that kind of persecution / that kind of difficulty. I think, in the long run, this is going to be very good for the people of God. It's going to be very good for the church, because it will prove who really belongs to Christ. It will prove what we're really made of and where our loyalties lie; because if our loyalties are in the government—and who's in power / who the President is—that's going to go away / that's going to fade. Bob: And I think your point's great there. The question of whether we're hopeful people depends on what we're looking at—what we're focusing on. Barbara: What we're hoping in. Bob: That's right. If you are watching the news every day, you're probably not going to be a hopeful person— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —as you just feed on that. If you are trusting in either candidate in the current political election to save the day, you have probably got misplaced hope. But if you're hoping in Christ and His kingdom, that's unshakeable— 13:00 —your confidence in that will never be shaken Barbara: Right Bob: Even though circumstances around you may be unsettling, that's a firm hope; isn't it? Barbara: Yes; and it reminds me—on yesterday's broadcast, we talked about the Martin Luther hymn. It reminds me of two other hymns / two other songs that are my favorite. One of them is In Christ Alone by Keith and Kristyn Getty. I love that and could sing it—I mean, I won't sing because it would hurt everybody's ears. [Laughter] But I could recite the words. [Laughter] But the other one that I also love is an older song, and it is “My Hope is Built on Nothing Less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.” It reminds me—because the Holy Spirit has reminded me of those words many times in my life to say: “Ah, where's your hope? What are you hoping in?” And then I go: “Oh yes; that's right. I'm hoping in a person, “I'm hoping in a circumstance,” “I'm hoping in a situation instead of hoping in Christ.” Bob: Yes 14:00 Barbara: And so, when I remember those words, it's kind of like a wheel alignment, as Dennis would say. It takes me back to “Where's my hope?” And if my hope is in Christ, then I will not be moved.  Bob: I have to say a word about that hymn; because in the second verse of the hymn, The Solid Rock, it uses a word that we almost never use. We talk about things being overwhelming. Well, in that hymn, it says: “His oath, His covenant and His blood support me in the whelming flood.” And I have always thought, “We don't talk about anything being whelming.” Barbara: Whelming—[Laughter]—we don't. Bob: We talk about things being overwhelming; but the hymn writer is saying, "This is not overwhelming—it's whelming.” But it's not overwhelming because His oath, His covenant and His blood keep your head above water. “In the whelming flood, when all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay. On Christ the solid rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand.” 15:00 Dennis: And I would just add to that—we need to know whose we are and we need to know who we are. We need to know why we are here. He has given us an assignment. And I just was thinking, as you guys were talking—2 Corinthians, Chapter 5, verse 20—we talked about it earlier this fall, here on FamilyLife Today. Paul writes: “Therefore we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ be reconciled to God.” What's he talking about there? He's talking about someone, who's an ambassador—who knows why he is here and knows his message—and is speaking to the spiritual needs of the souls of men and women and boys and girls.  And I was just reminded, as we were talking, of another embassy I was in—in Washington, DC. It was called the Christian Embassy. It was a place where heads of state were entertained and the gospel was shared with them by Campus Crusade for Christ® and by Bill and Vonette Bright, the founders of Campus Crusade.   16:00 Early in my ministry, I was in that Christian Embassy with Bill Bright. He made a statement that could have been made in a taxi, traveling across the city; or it could have been in an airplane, traveling with him; or any other setting. But just because of where he said it, it made a huge difference. Bill Bright looked at me and he said: "Dennis, wear well the cloak of materialism. Wear it loosely. Don't let it cling to you. Don't let prosperity choke out your Christianity.” Basically, what he was warning me about—he said: “The church is lethargic. It is sluggish today, because it enjoys too many of the trappings of our materialistic world.”  And he said, "Wear the cloak of materialism loosely."  17:00 I have never forgotten those words, and I think he is right. I think we need to take an inventory of how much we're carrying around: “How much stuff and gear do we have?” and “Are we really on mission? Are we about 2 Corinthians 5:20? Are we proclaiming the true needs of human beings' souls and proclaiming the gospel of Christ to them in a needy day?”  Bob: So if somebody is low on hope—somebody just says: “I'm not hopeful. I'm discouraged. I look where we're headed; and I'm fearful, I'm anxious, I just don't think we are headed in a good place,”—is there a way to strengthen the hope in us, Barbara? Barbara: Yes. I think it's where we put our gaze. So if we're looking at the circumstances, and we're discouraged and losing hope because of what we see, we need to stop looking at that.  18:00 We need to look at God, and we need to read His story. We need to look at what the ultimate outcome is going to be—where God is taking us someday. Because there have been all kinds of people throughout history—and lots of them talked about in the Bible—where God has taken someone through a hard time, and then, there is a good outcome or a better outcome. I mean, I think about the story of Joseph; and I think about the story of Job; and I think abut the sufferings that Paul went through. God has made it really clear that He doesn't abandon His people, and He has a purpose.  So for where we find ourselves today in our country—and we feel unstable, we feel insecure, we feel fearful—we have to go back to what isn't going to change; that is, God's Word is not going to change; His plan is not going to change; and His purposes for us, as His people, will not change. We need to immerse ourselves back in God's Word and maybe find a verse that really captures your heart like this one did of mine— 19:00 —Isaiah 33:6: “He shall be the stability of your times.” That really resonated with me, and that's a verse I've gone back to over and over again when I do feel insecure and when I do feel like the world is an unstable place. Bob: Well it helps if you have it hanging. Where do you have yours hanging? Barbara: I have it hanging in my kitchen— Bob: Yes Barbara: —because I am in my kitchen everyday Bob: So you could look up and see that and just be reminded: “This is where my strength comes from / where my hope comes from. This is the bedrock of my life.” Barbara: Yes; and I think it's a part of what God wants us to do, as believers—is to surround ourselves with reminders of who He is. I think that is why, in Deuteronomy 6, He says we need to write it on our doorposts, and put it on our gates, and talk about it all the time everyday; because He knows we are a forgetful people. He knows we wander and we become afraid. When we have reminders / when I have reminders of the truth around me, it kind of takes me back to center.  20:00 It takes me back to what I know is right and I go: “Oh, that's right. I don't need to be afraid, because God is in control.” I think it's good for us to have reminders surrounding us at home, and it's good for our kids too.  Dennis: You know, these are days when we're at war. There's a spiritual war for good and evil taking place in our country. There was also another time, when there was another war that was occurring, when another hymn got written that I want Barbara to share with our listeners Bob: Before you talk about that hymn though, let me encourage our listeners to see the plaque that you have created with Isaiah 33:6 on it that says, “He shall be the stability of your times." It's a plaque that we'd love to send to you. Go to our website—at FamilyLifeToday.com—if you'd like to order one of these. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.  21:00 Or you can call 1-800-358-6329. I think this is a plaque that a lot of families will appreciate having just as a regular reminder that God is our strength / He is our rock, and our stability is in Him.  Let me make sure our listeners know, as well, we have created a series of ten daily devotions that families can do together or couples can read through and pray through together. The content for these daily devotions can be found on the FamilyLife app. When you open the app, just click where it says, “Help and Hope,” and the information about the devotions is there. If you don't have the app on your device or on your smartphone, go to your app store and look for FamilyLife and you can download it. Or you can go to FamillyLifeToday.com and download the content from our website as well. We think going through these ten devotions will help you think rightly, as a family, about the circumstances we live in and about where our hope comes from.  22:00 Finally, just let me say a word of thanks to those of you who support the ministry of FamilyLife Today. You make all that we do here possible, and we're grateful for your financial partnership. If you can help with a donation today, we'd love to send you a banner that Barbara Rainey has created that reminds you that your home is an embassy of the kingdom of heaven. Donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation; or you can mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. Dennis— Dennis: We've been talking about how to make Christ the stability of our days, of our lives, of our marriages and families. Barbara found a song that is very familiar to all of our listeners—you're going to smile when you hear it. You're even going to smile bigger when you hear the context of when this song was written.  Barbara: I found this at a flea market—it's an old page of music from the ‘40s.  23:00 This song was written in 1942, I believe—‘41 or ‘42—and it is called The British Children's Prayer. It was taught to children during World War II. Listen to the words—the first line you will recognize immediately: “Now I lay me down to sleep.” We know that poem; don't we?—we've said it to our kids. But what we don't know is some of the other lines in this poem that these British children learned in the ‘40's, during World War II.  Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If this night's sleep should end in rest; that is forever, keep me blest.Within Thy mercy may I be child of Thy kingdom, safe and free.If I should wake within the night to see the sky all red with light And hear the rooftops of the town with our own walls come crashing down,Though there be death within the sky, may I not fear oh, Lord, to die. 24:00 If I should die before I awake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.But should I live the long night through, when I arise my work to do,May I with courage seek to be, not safe, O Lord, not safe but free. FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to AdventCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being StillCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the SaviorCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior NamesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. A Call to Advent Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       Celebrating Advent (Day 1 of 5)Air date:                     November 28, 2016  Bob: Does your church or does your family do anything to celebrate the Advent season?  Are you even familiar with what Advent is?  Here's Barbara Rainey.  Barbara: The term, “advent,” just means Jesus' coming—it means the time when He came to earth / He left heaven. The Book of John tells us He was sent by God—He left heaven, and He came to earth. He became a baby, as we all know in the story, and was born and lived and gave His life for us. But the time—those weeks leading up to Christmas—years ago, in the Middle Ages or somewhere in there, the church fathers met and decided that this would be a good time to help people prepare their hearts to celebrate and to worship when Christmas Day actually came.  I think it's a great concept because, in our culture today, we don't wait very well, we do not celebrate very well, and we don't mark the days very well.  1:00 I think there is some benefit—especially for families—to mark those Sundays of Advent with, even, a ten-minute gathering. Get together before bed time, if you have to—or after breakfast or whenever it works—and just think together about what this season is all about. The whole idea of Advent is preparing your heart to worship and to appropriately celebrate the gift of Christ.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, November 28th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey. I'm Bob Lepine. We have a great opportunity, over the next four weeks, to prepare our hearts and minds for the celebration of Jesus' coming. We'll talk about that today. Stay with us.  2:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. I just—I'm wondering: “Do you guys have, at your house, somebody who comes through—like at the end of the weekend after Thanksgiving—and says: ‘Okay; we've got to do a major shift here!  We've got to take all the Thanksgiving stuff down'?”   Dennis: You're looking at him. [Laughter] My martyr meter is going off right now. [Laughter]   Barbara: There's not that much Thanksgiving stuff to take down; mind you.  Dennis: There really isn't; but I'm going to tell you—the Christmas—we have it out in a little storage shed. I'm not saying it's a lot, but we hire an 18-wheeler to move the 200 feet from our storage shed up to our back door. [Laughter]   Bob: You had to put an addition on the storage shed—didn't you?—just to handle more Christmas stuff over the years?  [Laughter]   Barbara: You guys are terrible!   Dennis: We are terrible.  Barbara: You are, because it's so not true.  Bob: But the truth is that— Dennis: Barbara—you know, here is the thing, Bob—this is a paradox of life.  Bob: Yes?   3:00 Dennis: Barbara says her favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.  Bob: And by the way, Barbara is joining us again today. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today.  Dennis: Welcome back, Sweetheart.  Barbara: Thank you. Bob: So, Thanksgiving, which we've just completed—your favorite holiday; right?   Barbara: Yes; and the rest of the sentence is?   Dennis: Why are there boxes of Christmas gear that we bring in?   Barbara: Because there is so much more available to purchase, and to display, and to decorate with for Christmas than there is for Thanksgiving.  Dennis: Especially since you created Ever Thine Home®.  Barbara: That's part of it too.  Dennis: You have declared the reason for the season, both at Thanksgiving and at Christmas— Barbara: So, part of— Dennis: —and at Valentine's, and at Easter.  Barbara: —and Easter. Part of the reason— Dennis: —and the Fourth of July!  [Laughter]   Barbara: Part of the reason we have more at Christmas now is because we have all the old stuff—all the old Santa, snowmen / things have nothing to do with Jesus—stuff that I haven't gotten rid of yet.  Dennis: You know what I think?—[whispering]—they could disappear.  Barbara: They could.  Dennis: [Whispering] They might—they might vanish.  Barbara: But we've replaced them with all the new things about Jesus.  Bob: If you see an extra trash can out at the curb tonight when you go home—[Laughter] 4:00 Barbara: I'll know what it is; yes! [Laughter]   Bob: —you will know— Dennis: It may be my body!  [Laughter]   Bob: —you will know that your husband has decided to edit some of your Christmas decorations.  Dennis: This could be the end of me! [Laughter]  No; we have a good time with it—I really enjoy the season. We do pull it out, and there is a transition. There's not that much gear that comes down from Thanksgiving / there is a good amount that comes up to celebrate Christmas.  Bob: Well, I've been to your home at Christmastime. I just love—there is a red vinyl record that you've had up— Barbara: You like my old records?   Bob: I love the old records.  Barbara: I do too.  Bob: You knew that would be something that I would gravitate toward.  Barbara: Yes.  Bob: But what is it? I don't know if it's Joy to the World. What is it?  Do you remember?   Barbara: Well, it may be Hark!  The Herald Angels Sing; but I have three of these old records left from my childhood. We had stacks of them that my brother and I used to play on our little record player. For some reason, I ended up with these three— 5:00 —two are red and one is a 78 [RPM]—which nobody knows what that is anymore except you [Bob]. One is a 78, and it's yellow. I put those up on little plate stands every year at Christmas. They are just some of my favorite things that I put out every year at Christmas.  Bob: Okay; well, I have to be honest with you—since we have become empty-nesters at our house, we've had the conversation of “Can we just kind of scale back the home decorating?”   Barbara: Oh, yes.  Bob: It was one thing when the kids were home— Barbara: Right.  Bob: —and you really wanted to create an atmosphere.  Barbara: Right. Dennis: Have your kids let you have it for doing that?   Bob: Well, I mean, they only show up for a few days; and you can endure that. [Laughter] I'm just curious: “Have you thought about scaling back since it's just the two of you now?”   Barbara: Yes; we have scaled back. In fact, when we did some remodeling on our house a few years ago, I didn't even put up a full-sized tree / it wasn't even a fresh tree—I had a smaller tree that was a table-top tree. When I got that and I set it up, I heard in my head the words that I said to myself when I was a young wife:  6:00 “I will never do a table-top tree like all these old people that I know.”  [Laughter]  All of a sudden, I thought: “Oh my gosh!  I'm one of those. [Laughter] What has happened to me?”   Dennis: You're not an old person; trust me.  Bob: But you have scaled back?   Barbara: We have scaled back; yes.  Bob: Because Dennis makes it sound like it's just getting bigger and bigger every year.  Barbara: It is not getting bigger and bigger every year. So, sorry, dear; I disagree.  Dennis: There you have it—another great illustration ruined by an eye-witness.  Bob: Here's what has happened at your home—and we talked about this earlier. Some the old decorations that were festive have been replaced by decorations that are more purposeful.  Barbara: Correct; yes.  Bob: And this is something that I know—over the last five years / maybe longer than that—has become a real burden for you.  Barbara: Well, I've wanted to find Christmas decorations—whether it was ornaments or other kinds of things that I could put out at Christmas—   7:00 —for 20 years, I've been looking for things that were about Christ, other than a Nativity set, which we had a couple of, and we put those up every year. Other than a Nativity set of some kind, it was very hard to find anything to hang on a Christmas tree that was about Jesus.  Now, that I've started creating these Christmas ornaments that are about Jesus, called Adorenaments®, that's what my tree is covered with now. I don't put up all the other ones that we used to put up when the kids were at home. We don't have Santas, and reindeer, and snowmen, and footballs, and all of that stuff on our tree anymore—partly because the kids are gone.  If the kids were still home and little, and they wanted to hang those ornaments, we would hang them; but I would also put up ornaments about Christ, because Christmas is about Jesus. I want anyone who comes in our home—and those of us who live in our home—to be reminded every day, during the month of December, that what we are celebrating is about Jesus Christ—it's about His birth / it's about His incarnation.  8:00 It's not about all this extra stuff, and I want that to be preeminent in our home.  Bob: Some of our listeners will know that we are in a season—that, on the church calendar, is an official season. In fact, some listeners, this week at church, will have lit a candle as part of the worship service around an Advent wreath.  Barbara: That's right.  Bob: They are marking out Advent as a season. I know other listeners are going, “I thought Advent was something that the church down the street did, and we don't do it,”—it's a foreign term for them.  This is something that you've kind of dug into and said: “What's the history of Advent?” and “Why has the church marked out this season in advance of Christmas?”  What have you found?   Barbara: Well, the term, “advent,” just means Jesus' coming—it means the time when He came to earth / He left heaven. The Book of John tells us He was sent by God—He left heaven, and He came to earth. He became a baby, as we all know in the story, and was born and, then, lived and gave His life for us.  9:00 But the time—those weeks leading up to Christmas—years ago, in the Middle Ages or somewhere in there, the church fathers met and decided that this would be a good time to help people prepare their hearts to celebrate and to worship when Christmas Day actually came.  I think it's a great concept because, in our culture today, we don't wait very well, we do not celebrate very well, and we don't mark the days very well. I think there is some benefit—especially for families—to mark those Sundays of Advent with, even, a ten- minute gathering. Get together before bed time, if you have to—or after breakfast or whenever it works—and just think together about what this season is all about. We've got some ways that we want to tell you about that we think that you could do that, but the whole idea of Advent is preparing your heart to worship and to appropriately celebrate the gift of Christ.  10:00 Dennis: Advent can be celebrated on each Sunday, leading up to Christmas, as it is this year. It's already started—people begin to celebrate Advent, thinking about the coming of Christ.  It's also celebrated on a daily basis, leading up to Christmas Eve—and, then, Christmas morning—where the arrival of the Christ-child and the celebration of Him coming and physically visiting the planet can be talked about, as a family, and what that meant for us, as individuals; us, as a family; and also our world.  Bob: We're encouraging listeners to be intentional and purposeful during the Christmas season this year. We've got some suggestions we've been sending out to folks and will be sending out during the Advent season. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out how you can get these emails or these text messages sent to you during the season so that your family can be more purposeful, more focused, more intentional during this season of the year.  I remember—when I was growing up, we had an Advent calendar— 11:00 —different one every year—that we would get out. Each day on the calendar was covered up with something. As a child, I either got to tear off the piece of cardboard to show what was behind the date or I got to flip something over and see what was revealed—always something hidden that is revealed each day. That's part of what we are remembering during the Advent season—is that there is expectation—there is something hidden that is about to be revealed. Each day of Advent, we're expectant / we're anticipating.  There was one calendar that we got one year, where there was a piece of chocolate behind every day. That got attention paid to it. Trust me!  Every day at breakfast— Dennis: You've never forgotten it.  Bob: That's right. [Laughter] Barbara: It was your favorite; right?   Bob: Yes; of course!   Dennis: And we had one, when we were raising little children, that was kind of a— Barbara: It was felt.  Dennis: —it was felt. You pulled out an ornament—a candy cane / a Santa Claus—again, it was not centered on Christ as you would think it would be as an Advent calendar.  12:00 I'm just listening to Barbara talk about this, Bob—over 25 years ago, she began to look around and to search for ways that were about Christ in helping us celebrate His advent/His coming to the plant—but also, things that were beautiful, that were elegant, that weren't just plastic but were heirlooms that could be passed on to future generations.  Bob: You started with the Christmas tree, and this is your fifth year to make ornaments for trees?   Barbara: That's correct.  Bob: Back, five years ago, you came up with a set of seven ornaments that were all around the Christmas names of Jesus.  Barbara: That's right.  Bob: The next year, you did His royal names— Barbara: Correct.  Bob: —in the shape of crowns. The year after that, you did His Savior names that were all in crosses—   Barbara: Correct.  Dennis: —different crosses from different eras in church history.  Bob: Last year, you took the name of Jesus and you had it in different languages with the different alphabets from those languages.  13:00 Barbara: Yes. Bob: This year, you've got a new set of ornaments?   Barbara: We do. We have a new set. We've titled these “His Advent Names,” appropriately, because these ornaments—there are four of them this year—they are all round, and they're all globes. You see the continents of the world on these globes; and then, each one has a name of Christ. Then, on the other side of the globe, it has the verse where that name is found in the Bible. The focus of this set of ornaments is that He came to earth. We visually created globes to remind us that Jesus came to earth for us; and then, these are some names that are associated with His advent.  Bob: And what are the four names you used this year?    Barbara: The four names are “Jesus is the Light” / He came to be the light of the world—“Jesus is the Son” / “For God so loved the world that He gave His Son…”—“Jesus is the Word” / “For the word became flesh and dwelt among us,” / that's all about His birth in the manger.  14:00 And then, the last one is “The Messenger”; and it's about Jesus coming to bring good news and to tell us who God is.  Dennis: Everybody who has seen these—and seen the others that Barbara created—say these are their favorites / that the globes that feature the names of Christ really are spectacular and also, again, call attention to the reason why He came to the planet.  I just think it's important, Bob, as we hang these ornaments on our trees, to bring our children / our grandchildren into the experience and talk about—not just hang the globe or hang the name on the tree, but to talk about: “What does that mean?”  You could literally take all 25 of these ornaments that Barbara has created over all—His Christmas names, His Royal names, His Savior names, and now, His Advent names—you could turn your Christmas tree—over the next, well, almost 24/25 days—into an Advent Christmas tree. One day after another, hang one of these on your tree and talk about the name of Christ— 15:00 —and introduce your children or, as a couple, talk about, “How is Jesus the Light of the World?”   Bob: And radio really doesn't do justice to these. Again, I'll encourage listeners to go to FamliyLifeToday.com, where they can see what you've created. If folks are interested in ordering, they can order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.  This is not something you guys have done throughout your marriage. In fact, Advent—you kind of didn't pay attention to Advent until your kids were grown; right?   Barbara: Well, I paid attention to it when we were raising our kids, but I didn't know what to do with it; because I was too busy—and school parties—you know, there were just too many things going on during the month of December. I think every mom, listening, would say the same thing. It's a very, very busy season—we want to do all those things with our kids, and we want to do gifts for all these people, and we wear ourselves out.  16:00 So, even though I wanted to do Advent, I didn't know of an easy way to do it. The times that I tried it, we only did one Sunday; and then, we never finished. I felt like a failure, and I didn't like feeling like a failure. I just thought: “Well, forget that. We won't do Advent in our house, because it's just too hard to pull it off.”   But I do think that Advent is worth practicing, even if you only do it once. That's what I didn't understand when I was a mom—that doing something—even just doing one time—is better than nothing. I think that's my encouragement to moms and to women is: “Even if you just do one Sunday / even if you do one something, it's better than nothing.” I think that makes it valuable, because you're being intentional. You're creating some moments of meaning with your family if you try to make a pause in your life—take a timeout from your busyness—to reflect on who Christ is and what He came to do.  Dennis: I think the significance of this is way underestimated.  17:00 You know, over in Philippians 2, it talks about—someday, at the name of Jesus, every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Lord, to the glory of God the Father. I think we underestimate that these names—and interestingly, how many names in your study did you find in the Scriptures were the names of Christ?   Barbara: Some scholars say over 300. I don't know—I've not counted them—but there are a lot more names than any of us have.  Dennis: Well, these 25 names that she's illustrating with these Adorenaments—these are powerful names that give parents practical ways to teach your children about who God is—talking about how Jesus is the Light of the World / how He is the Word—and how they need the Word today; how they need to have a guide / how they need to have a direction for their lives. If they don't, they're going to be obedient to the world and going to conform to the world. So, because Christ came, He showed us what a straight line really is.  Bob: And some listeners, I know, are thinking, “I've heard about Advent, but our church doesn't do that.” 18:00 They feel like, maybe, there is something just strange about it; because it's unfamiliar. What would you say to them?   Barbara: Well, I would say familiarity doesn't always mean that is right. I think that just because it's different doesn't mean that it's something that you shouldn't do. There is value in taking some time, as a family—or even just as a husband and wife if you don't have kids yet—to talk about the names of Christ, and to talk about who He is, and why He came. That's what Advent is all about—it's preparing your heart.  I think anytime we can pause and prepare our heart to welcome Him / to give Him worship, we're going to be better for it. It may be a little different than something you've heard of, but just think of what the word [Advent] means—it just means preparing for His coming.  Bob: Explain for listeners what the benefits are of taking time out to focus on Jesus during the Advent season.  19:00 Barbara: The whole purpose for Advent—the reason that the church fathers came up with this idea, back in the Middle Ages, was to encourage people, who were believers in Christ, to prepare their hearts for Christmas Day. It's a way to anticipate His coming / it's a way to look forward to celebrating the birth of Christ on Christmas Day. When we practice Advent today, it's essentially the same thing—it's a way to mark the time, but it's also a way to build anticipation.  I think there are some real benefits for families. The first one is—it teaches us to be patient. We are not a patient people in this culture—our children aren't patient / we're not patient—we're so used to everything being readily available whenever we want it. If you mark Advent—and you can only open one little box, and you have to wait a whole week for the next one—it teaches us, as people, to be patient. That is a good quality / it's a good attribute.  20:00 Another benefit, I think, for celebrating or marking the days of Advent is that it helps us to pause and reflect about who Christ is. Another is that it builds anticipation—when we're anticipating, we are believing. I think that's really, really good for us.  Reason number four is that Advent encourages eternal decisions; because I think, when we take the time to think about Jesus and why He came to earth, it naturally makes us go, “Oh; do I know Him?”  As moms and dads, it's a great opportunity for you to say to your kids, “Do you know Jesus?”  Advent is a way for us to pause in the middle of the busy season and take advantage of Advent—it helps us have those conversations. It may lead to the most important decision you or one of your kids will ever make.  Bob: Well, and I know, at our house—especially when our kids were younger—there was a lot of anticipation and expectation during the Christmas season / during the Advent season— 21:00 —but it was expectation and anticipation around, “What am I getting on Christmas morning?”   Dennis: Yes; of course.  Bob: Not a whole lot of expectation or anticipation around celebrating the birth of Jesus— Barbara: Right.  Bob: —or having a Christ-centered focus. That's where you are trying to redirect— Barbara: Correct.  Bob: —our attention with the resources you're creating and all that you've been working on.  I'd encourage listeners to go to our website to see the new set of Adorenaments—the globes that you've created this year / His Advent names. There are four of them; and you can see them at FamilyLifeToday.com, along with some of the ornaments from past years as well.  If you've got the FamilyLife app on your iPhone or on your Android phone, we're building into the app this year some devotionals you can do together, as a family—ways to talk about Christ during the Christmas season—some questions that you can ask one another at the dinner table just to get conversation going around more spiritual themes.  22:00 If you don't have the FamilyLife app, you can download it from your app store and look for the Christmas content that is included in the app this year.  Once again, if you'd like to see the resources Barbara has been working on over the last year, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order the new Adorenaments from us there; or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”   Today is a special day for Glen and Shawn Solberg—who live here in Little Rock and, until recently, were coworkers of ours, here at FamilyLife—they are celebrating 24 years together as husband and wife: “Happy anniversary!” to the Solbergs.  We've been all about anniversaries this year because it's really tied to the mission of this ministry.  23:00 We want to see more couples celebrate more anniversaries, year in and year out. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families, who change the world, one home at a time.  When you support the work of FamilyLife, it is couples—like the Solbergs—you're supporting. Together, we are providing practical biblical help and hope for husbands and wives, moms and dads, all around the world. We're grateful for those of you who partner with us in this ministry. In fact, tomorrow is Giving Tuesday—it's a time when, in advance of Christmas, a lot of people decide to make yearend contributions to ministries and other non-profit organizations.  Maybe today, you could talk about making a donation—a yearend donation—to FamilyLife. Tomorrow, on Giving Tuesday, you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to make a donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, donate over the phone; or write to us with your donation.  24:00 Our mailing address is FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.  Now, tomorrow, we're going to talk more about how, as a family, we can help ourselves and help our children be more focused on what Christmas really is all about. Hope you can tune in. Barbara Rainey is going to be back with us, and I hope you will be as well.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.   Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to AdventCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being StillCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the SaviorCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior NamesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Being Still Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       Celebrating Advent (Day 2 of 5)Air date:                     November 29, 2016  Bob: Taking time during the weeks leading up to Christmas to prepare our hearts for the celebration of His coming, that's what Advent is all about. And Barbara Rainey says, “It helps us cultivate faith.”   Barbara: The whole purpose for Advent—the reason that the church fathers came up with this idea, back in the Middle Ages—was to encourage people, who were believers in Christ, to prepare their hearts for Christmas Day. It's a way to anticipate His coming / it's a way to look forward to celebrating the birth of Christ on Christmas Day. When we practice Advent today, it's essentially the same thing—it's a way to mark the time, but it's also a way to build anticipation.  One of my favorite writers has written: “That loss of expectation is loss of faith. What else is faith but expectation?”  I love that quote—that when we expect, we believe / when we are anticipating, we believe.  1:00 I think that's really, really good for us.  I think there are some real benefits for families. The first one is—it teaches us to be patient. We are not a patient people in this culture—our children aren't patient / we're not patient. We're so used to everything being readily available whenever we want it. But if you mark Advent—and you can only open one lunch sack, for instance, or one little box; and you have to wait a whole week for the next one—it teaches us, as people, to be patient—that's a good quality / it's a good attribute.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, November 29th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. There are lots of people wanting you to be thinking about lots of different things during these weeks before Christmas. We think it's good for all of us to be thinking about the celebration of Jesus' coming. We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us.  2:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. I just need to make sure our listeners understand you prepare for FamilyLife Today very differently than your wife prepares for this program, when she is joining us on FamilyLife Today—as she is today—Barbara, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.  Barbara: Thank you, Bob.  Bob: And here is what I mean by that— Dennis: Yes; why don't you tell me what you mean by that?  [Laughter] Bob: We have been doing this program for 24-plus years now.  Dennis: Over 5,000 broadcasts.  Bob: In those 24-plus years, there has never been a day that you've come in to the studio with four brown paper bags that have glitter, and glue, and numbers on them. You've never come up with a little craft like this for our program. You just come in with some notes, and “Here's what I want to talk about,” and “Let's go. C'mon!  C'mon!”  And your wife comes in—this is beautiful / she brought in some bags with glitter and glue on them.  3:00 Dennis: And she's appealing to something that you and I, both—when we were little boys and, even today, as adults—she's appealing to our curiosity: “What's in bag number 1?” and “What's in number 2?” “—3?” and “—4?”   I remember where my mom used to stash all the Christmas presents before she would put them under— Bob: You knew where they were hidden?   Dennis: Oh, yes. Are you kidding?  I mean, I was a super-sleuth around the house.  Bob: Snoop is what you were—not sleuth—snoop.  Dennis: Oh, well, that's true too. I would sniff them out. And I admit—one time, I found the closet upstairs—our house was a small, small house. It was kind of dark up there, but there was no one watching. So, I kind of unwrapped— Bob: —a couple of the presents?   Dennis: —a couple of the presents.  Bob: Yes.  Dennis: And my mom was a better sleuth than me. [Laughter]  But here is the thing—the anticipation of leading up to Christmas is something that every child / every adult enjoys.  4:00 I think what Barbara is doing here, around Advent and Christmas, is appealing to that curiosity and trying to get us to think about, “What's in bag number 1?”  I think she's going to let you do it, in a second, after we talk about what Advent is.  Bob: You brought these in as object lessons for us on today's program; right?   Barbara: Well, they are object lessons; but it's also a way for listeners to hear us do this and go: “Oh, that's not so hard. I could do that. I could even do that this year.”  Practicing Advent is not that difficult. Here is an easy way that you can practice Advent with your family, even this year. Even though the first Sunday of Advent was last Sunday, there are still four Sundays left. You could still do it this year if you wanted to.  Bob: There are four lunch sacks here on the table.  Barbara: Just plain old, brown lunch sacks—nothing fancy.  Bob: And with glitter and glue, you've got numbers 1, 2, 3, and 4 on here.  5:00 These are designed to create the curiosity; and, then, we reveal the mystery, at some point. You just thought of this as a way for moms and dads to engage kids and to get them thinking and excited about what this season represents.  In fact, during the Advent season, we've been sending emails and text messages to folks, trying to give them ideas like this that they can use with their families so that the Advent season / the time leading up to Christmas could have more of a spiritual focus / more of a Jesus focus than it currently does. This is just one of those craft ideas—you said, “This is something a mom can do easily with her kids.”   Barbara: Right. And what it does is—it builds anticipation. As you said earlier, kids are naturally curious. They look forward to Christmas; but they look forward to it for: “What I am going to get.”  Doing Advent and having something fun for Advent builds curiosity, and it directs it toward the real meaning of Christmas.  Bob: So, do I get to open bag 1?   6:00 Barbara: You may open bag, number 1.  Bob: Okay; before I open it— Barbara: Okay.  Bob: —explain for listeners what the benefits are of taking time out to focus on Jesus during the Advent season.  Barbara: The whole purpose for Advent—the reason that the church fathers came up with this idea, back in the Middle Ages—was to encourage people, who were believers in Christ, to prepare their hearts for Christmas Day. It's a way to anticipate His coming / it's a way to look forward to celebrating the birth of Christ on Christmas Day. When we practice Advent today, it's essentially the same thing—it's a way to mark the time, but it's also a way to build anticipation.  I think there are some real benefits for families. The first one is—it teaches us to be patient. We are not a patient people in this culture—our children aren't patient / we're not patient. We are so used to everything being readily available whenever we want it. But if you mark Advent— and you can only open one lunch sack, for instance, or one little box and you have to wait a whole week for the next one— 7:00 —it teaches us, as people, to be patient—that's a good quality / it's a good attribute—so that's the first one.  Dennis: Well, before you move on, explain more about Advent. I'm just thinking of how the nation of Israel had to wait—how long after the— Barbara: Oh, hundreds of years.  Dennis: —book of God's last words to the nation of Israel in the Book of Malachi [pronouncing it like an Italian name] [chuckling]?  That's Malachi [correct pronunciation].   Bob: Malachi.  Dennis: It is Malachi, in case you are wondering—I just want to make sure our listeners are listening.  God's last words—listen to this—before there was silence for 400 years. It says in Chapter 4, verse 5: “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day the Lord comes,”—there's Advent—“And He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.”   8:00 I think God's always been teaching human beings about being patient. Can you imagine?—you had generations perishing—being patient for the coming of the Messiah. And so, out of what appears to be silence, God speaks—in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 1 and Chapter 2—and here comes Christ.  Barbara: Another benefit, I think, for celebrating or marking the days of Advent is that it helps us to pause and reflect about who Christ is. If you have something like these four sacks that I brought today, and there is a sack that you can open and there is an object in there that you can take out and talk about, it helps us be still for a minute. It helps us reflect. It helps us to talk about Jesus, and why He came, and why it matters to us, as believers. I think being still and having a few minutes to reflect is another benefit to Advent.  9:00 Dennis: And having the object that's in the sack that you pull out is really important. When I taught a sixth grade Sunday school class for 11 years—I had over 550 kids go through my class—I was constantly using curiosity to keep their attention and to teach them. There is really something that happens when you've got a sack that you refuse to open.  In fact, you remember, Sweetheart—they would just be on the edges of their seats, wondering, “What in the world is Mr. Rainey going to do today?”   Bob: Do you know what's in these sacks?  Do you know?  You know; don't you?  How do you know?  [Laughter]  Did she tell you, or did you sneak and find out?   Dennis: Let's just say that the instructor of this broadcast and I have a close relationship. [Laughter] Bob: That's no fair!—[Laughter]—because you know, and I don't!  [Laughter]  That is not fair. Alright; is it time for number one?  Can I open number one?   Barbara: No; because I have two more reasons I want to talk to you about Advent.  Bob: Okay.  Dennis: Scold him—scold him for being impatient. [Laughter]   10:00 Bob: Okay. So, why else should we be celebrating Advent?  [Laughter] Barbara: Oh, dear. Well, the third reason is—I think Advent helps us anticipate. I think it builds anticipation. One of my favorite writers has written: “That loss of expectation is loss of faith. What else is faith but expectation?” I love that quote, because I think she is so right—that when we expect, we are believing / when we are anticipating, we believe. I think that's really, really good for us.  Dennis: Do you remember Laura on Christmas morning?   Barbara: Oh, yes!   Dennis: She hardly slept the night before.  Barbara: Yes; she's always been that way, from the time she was little; because she was so excited about Christmas Day.  Dennis: And then, we made them sit on the steps— Barbara: —stairs—   Dennis: —of the stairs.  Barbara: —yes; while you built a fire and we had our coffee. They were so frustrated with us because we made them wait.  Bob: You are mean parents.  Barbara: We were mean parents.  Bob: You are mean parents.  Barbara: Oh, I know.  Bob: So, I'm ready for the bag.  Barbara: Well, okay; but one more.  Bob: One more.  Barbara: One more. Reason number four is that Advent encourages eternal decisions; because I think, when we take the time to think about Jesus and why He came to earth, it naturally makes us go:  11:00  “Oh; do I know Him?”  As moms and dads, it's a great opportunity for you to say to your kids: “Do you know Jesus?  Have you invited Him into your heart?”   Advent is a way for us to pause in the middle of the busy season—and all of us want meaningful moments during the Christmas holiday—we just don't know how to do it. If we take advantage of Advent, it helps us have those conversations. It may lead to the most important decision you or one of your kids will ever make.  Bob: So, I'm ready.  Dennis: I have to make one more comment— Bob: C'mon! Hurry up!   Dennis: —about what Barbara's talking about—an eternal decision—because she said something I never thought about before: “What about the eternal decision the inn keeper made to say, ‘There's no room here for you”?  His inn could have been the birth place of the Messiah, the King of kings, the Lord of lords; but he had no room in the inn.  12:00 I'd never thought about that before—our decisions, now, make an impact upon eternity.  Bob: Alright; so is it time?   Barbara: Are you ready?   Bob: I'm ready—I've been ready!  [Laughter]   Barbara: Yes; you can open sack number one.  Bob: Sack number one, and I'm reaching in. So, okay / alright; this is the first of the ornaments. This is the one that says, “Jesus the Light”—it's the globe—“I am the Light of the World,” John 8:12.  Barbara: But because you opened it—see, you can hang that on the tree.  Bob: So, now, I get to hang it on the tree.  Barbara: You can be the one to hang it on the tree.  Bob: There is also—there is a crown at the top here; alright?  Do all of them have crowns at the top?   Barbara: They all have crowns on them.  Bob: Okay.  Barbara: And then, what we do—if we were doing this in our home, is—I would get the little book or Dennis would get the little book—and we would read the story about Jesus being the Light of the World and why He's the— Bob: The little book that comes with this?   Barbara: Yes.  Bob: Okay; so, there is a devotional you can take a family through as you hang this on the tree.  Barbara: Correct.  13:00 Dennis: You can talk to a child about what happens when light comes into a dark room.  Barbara: Or you can ask your kids, “Have you ever been afraid of the dark?” and talk about the difference between light and dark.  Dennis: You might take the—after reading the verse here—you might take this globe, after reading the verse, and turn off all the lights in your house. Then restate the verse again: “Jesus said, ‘I am the light…'”—and then flip the switch on and say, “What did the light do?”  “Well, it made apparent what reality is— Bob: Yes.  Dennis: —“and it caused the darkness to flee.”   Bob: “Do you like it better, as a child, when there is light on or when it's dark?  Do you feel safer when there is light on or when it's dark?”   Dennis: Well, I can tell you—when I was a little boy, the most dangerous place on the planet was our basement. It was dark in there. There was an old, coal bin that no longer held coal; but there was no light bulb in there.  14:00 I was convinced that there was a really big boogie man—[Laughter]—whom I called a booger man for a number of years— Bob: Yes.  Dennis: —but a boogie man who lived in there. I have to tell you—my mom would send me down to the basement to get a package of hamburger / frozen hamburger out of the freezer. I would carefully go down the steps. I would dash over to the freezer.  Barbara: You'd run past that— Dennis: I would!   Barbara: —little bin.  Dennis: I absolutely would. I'd grab the hamburger; and I bet I didn't hit one out of every four steps coming back up, blazing at the speed of light. I was really afraid, as a boy / a young boy, of that darkness. I think there are a lot of kids that are afraid of the darkness, and they need to know the light.  Bob: Alright; so, that's in bag number one. Your thought is, with these ornaments—if you put each one in a bag and just marked them 1, 2, 3, and 4—it's a way to create some mystery— 15:00 —get kids looking forward to “What's next week?” I'd reach over here and get bag number 2. I'd pull out ornament that says that Jesus is the Son. What would you do with that?   Barbara: I would read the story about Jesus is the Son, because it talks about why son-ship is important: “Why does it matter that Jesus came to earth as God's Son?” I would talk about that with my kids. They might not all comprehend it because my little ones might be too little to get it; but it doesn't matter. They would hear me talking about the Savior.  Then, whoever's turn it was to open that bag—it was their privilege to find the place on the tree for that. Kids will love that—I mean, they love getting into that and being the only one that week that got to hang an ornament. They feel special—it's the honored place that child number 2 gets to open bag number 2—or whatever.  Bob: So, what you are describing here might take a family three minutes.  Dennis: Or it could take ten minutes if you had— 16:00 —if you decided to expand it a little bit and have a little bit of discussion, depending on the age of the kids.  Barbara: Right; but the point is—is it would not take very long if you were really rushed. I think so often we hesitate to do something like this that's meaningful, because we think we are not prepared. We think it's going to take too long / it's going to be too much work / too much trouble. But, as we just illustrated, paper lunch sacks are very easy to do. You can put a number on it with a red or green magic marker; and the kids are still going to get into it.  Bob: And that three minutes—we may think that's not significant—but when you make an impression like that in three minutes, ten years later, kids are still talking about, “I remember that year that Mom did the thing with the sacks.”   Barbara: Right; and we forget the power of God's Word. We forget that God's Word never returns void. If we—even if we do nothing but read Jesus' name, and read the verse, and hang the ornament on the tree, we are helping to turn our kids' hearts toward Christ—even with just that little bit.  17:00 Dennis: And don't underestimate the power that this can have, even on a toddler. I've watched this happen with children—18 months / 24 months old—even though they are not yet able to string words together in a sentence, they understand more than you think.  Barbara: They do.  Dennis: You may go through all four of these, and you may talk about each of the names of Christ and how His first Advent represented those things. When you pull them out a year from now, ask your son or your daughter if he or she remembers what that is all about.  Bob: So, sack number three has, in it, the ornament that says, “Jesus is the Word.”  John 1: “In the beginning was the word, the word became flesh…”  A lot of people struggle with that concept of, “What does it mean that Jesus is the Word?”  How would you explain that to a five-year-old?   Barbara: Well, I think I would go back to Genesis; because in the beginning—in Genesis 1—it says, “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.”  Then, when you read the verse that's on the globe—  18:00 —“In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God”—and you tie those two together, you help your child understand that the Word is a name for God; and that's Jesus' name, because He came to earth to talk to us /  to tell us in words who God is.  Word is not the kind of term we use as a name / we use all kinds of other terms as names; but in God's economy, the term, “Word,” is a name that describes perfectly who Jesus is. It is a hard concept, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't teach it. Help your kids begin to understand that Jesus is the Word because of what He came to do.  Bob: Wait. You're opening the fourth sack?   Dennis: I'm going to do at least one—at least one. I really like this one; because this speaks of “Jesus is the Messenger,”—it is red / has gold letters that are raised—and it says, “The messenger of the covenant, in whom you delight, behold He is coming.”  19:00 That's from Malachi, Chapter 3, verse 1.  And the cool thing about Him being the messenger is—He brought the message of redemption to the planet—and this is the gospel. You have children who need to be introduced to Jesus Christ and be invited to place their faith in Him as their Lord and Savior. Well, you can be a messenger; and then you can talk about—after they receive the Messenger—they, too, can represent Him and be a messenger on His behalf.  I think—if there is a big issue missing in families today—is we're not on message and we're not on mission. We're not fulfilling what God created us to be and to do in this culture. I think, once again, it points out the need, here at Christmastime, how Jesus gave us a message that the world really needs today. People need to know His love and His forgiveness.  20:00 They feel guilty because of what they've done wrong. They need to know that Almighty God has forgiven them by sending His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for their sins.  Barbara: And I couldn't agree more. I think it's the missing part of Christmas, which is why I'm trying to help turn families to conversations about Christ; because that's what Christmas is all about. It's all about the coming of Jesus Christ to our planet because He loved us / because He knew we needed to be redeemed. We need to be talking about that more at Christmas. That's our goal / that's our purpose—is to try to help families have tangible ways—things they can put on their tree / things that they can touch and talk about that help them keep the focus of Christmas on the real meaning for the holiday and not get pulled off and distracted by all the other things that are around us that take our eyes off the real reason for Christmas.  Dennis: If you think about it—your children, as they grow up and become teenagers, if there is ever a time in a young person's life when they need to know that God has a mission for them / that God has a purpose for them and He wants them to be messengers—  21:00 —I think it's during the teenage years. It's when their friends are pressing in with other messages and trying to get them to conform to the world. This is really a valuable object lesson at Christmastime that can be applied in a young lady's life or in a young man, who is growing up to adulthood.  Bob: Well, again, I'd encourage our listeners—they've heard us talking about what you've been doing—but they need to see it. They can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and see this year's ornaments that you've created. These are the Advent names—they are in globe shape. You can order them from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or if you just want to look at them—again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.  You can also order by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY. There is a set of four globe-shaped ornaments— 22:00 —one that identifies Jesus as the Son; Jesus as the Messenger; Jesus is the Word; and Jesus is the Light—with corresponding Bible verses on each of these globes. Again, order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order the new Adorenaments® or previous sets that are available as well.  Now, today is Giving Tuesday, here in the United States. I know last Friday was the big shopping day; and non-profit ministries, like ours, are hoping that today will be a big giving day. The end of the year is a significant time for ministries, like ours. This is a time when as much as 40 percent of our annual revenue comes in, when people make yearend contributions. Next year and what we're able to do in the year ahead really is determined, in large measure, by what happens today and in the weeks to come, leading up to New Year's Day.  23:00 Have you thought about making a yearend contribution to support FamilyLife Today?  A day like Giving Tuesday would be a great day to do that. I'm going to let our listeners in on a little secret—there's a matching gift that some friends of our ministry have put together. They are making these matching funds available for donations that we receive during the month of December. I asked our team, “Would it be possible for folks, who give on Giving Tuesday, for those funds to be matched as well?”  It seems like if folks are going to the effort to give on a day like today, we ought to see if we could get those funds matched. We've been able to clear the hurdles—it's all okay with the folks who are making the matching funds available. Whatever you give today will be tripled, thanks to the matching gift. If you give a dollar, we'll add two dollars to that from the matching fund.  So, would you consider going online and making a gift to support FamilyLife Today or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation?  24:00 Thanks for whatever you are able to do in support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today, here on Giving Tuesday. We appreciate your partnership with us.  And we hope you can join us back again tomorrow when we're going to continue talking with Barbara Rainey about how we can keep Christ at the center of our thinking during the weeks leading up to Christmas.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.   Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to AdventCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being StillCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the SaviorCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior NamesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Introduce Your Kids to the Savior Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       Celebrating Advent (Day 3 of 5)Air date:                     November 30, 2016______________________________________________________________________________ Bob: Many parents would love for their family to have a more spiritual / a more Christ-centered focus during the Christmas season. But there's not a lot that points us in that direction. Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: As we were raising our children, I noticed that there was very little available, even then—and that was 20 years ago—that helped us, as a family / helped Dennis and me turn our kids' attention to Jesus at the Christmas holiday. I wanted to do that—I wanted to help my kids appreciate Christmas for what it was really all about. And yet, I couldn't find things that helped me engage my kids in conversations about it. I couldn't find things, other than a Nativity scene or two, that we had that would help us turn our attention, and help us turn our kids' attention, to the meaning of Christmas. 1:00 Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, November 30th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What can we be doing, as moms and dads, to be pointing our children in a more Christ-centered direction as we get ready to celebrate Christmas? We're going to explore that today. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. I'm going to have to get a new mailbox I think. I mean— Dennis: Too many catalogues? Bob: Yes; stop and think: “How much meaningful mail do you get in a year these days? I go out to the mailbox every day to see what's in the mailbox. How many days is it just junk?” Barbara: Most of the days. Bob: Most days it's just junk mail. Every once in a while, there's a lovely letter from FamilyLife—so we have that / we always get that—and open that first thing; but most of the time, it's just junk.  2:00 Well, you get to Christmastime— Dennis: I just wrote you a note, Bob—I just thanked you. You should be getting it here pretty soon. Bob: Well, I'll keep my eyes open for it. Thank you. [Laughter] Barbara: Yes; thank you notes are nice to get. Dennis: A handwritten note is really valuable today. Bob: Those are nice and rare.  So, now, at Christmastime, there is not enough room in the mailbox for all of the catalogues / for all of the—just all of the stuff / all of the junk that everybody wants us to buy. I'm just telling them, “Don't send them to me anymore, because I'm not buying your stuff; okay?” I'm just trying to tell them— Barbara: They don't believe it, though. Bob: I guess they don't; no. Dennis: Barbara joins us on FamilyLife Today. Welcome back, Sweetheart. Barbara: Thank you. Dennis: She had me actually go to the garbage the other day, Bob, and fish out of the garbage a magazine that she said captured really what is the message / what has become the message of Christmas this season. Barbara: I did; because I didn't want the magazine / didn't need it— 3:00 —so I pitched it. Then I started thinking about the messages that that magazine was communicating to me at Christmas. This one came in the mail the other day. On the cover, it says, “385 Ways to Dazzle Family and Friends.” [Laughter] I thought, “Well, first of all, who has time for 385 ways, number one; and secondly, is it really about dazzling your family and friends?” I just thought: “Oh my gosh! We have really—we have really changed.” Bob: This is all about Christmas—you're supposed to do all of this— Barbara: This whole catalogue— Dennis: It's a new advent—385 steps / 385 ways—[Laughter] Bob: So, did you read any of them? Barbara: Well, I flipped through it; and of course, it's multiple choice—you don't have to do all 385. They want you to have lots of options. Bob: That's a good thing; yes. Barbara: One of them said, “Take a bow as you reveal the spectacular cake.” Another one said, “Show them you love them by giving one of these handmade gifts to everyone on your list.” [Laughter] I'm thinking, “Even if you just chose one of those, it's overwhelming, all by itself.” 4:00 Bob: I can do the bow; but I'm just thinking, “My friends and family are not going to be dazzled when I take a bow.” Barbara: No; no. [Laughter] Dennis: It is all the wrong message, though. Barbara: Yes; it is. Dennis: What we want to do is—I don't know that we want to dazzle. I think we want to refocus—a little bit like a camera—bring back the focus to Christmas and what it's all about and help families celebrate Jesus Christ. Barbara: Actually, I think dazzle might be a good word. I think what we want is—we want to be dazzled by the incarnation—the fact that Jesus actually came to the planet to rescue us when we didn't deserve it / we didn't even know that we needed it. And yet, the Father sent Him, and He willingly obeyed and came. I think that, in and of itself, is something to be dazzled by. It's not about us being the focus—us being the center of attention / us being the one who's wowing people—we need to be wowed by the Christmas story and what Jesus came to do for us. 5:00 Dennis: And if we don't lead it—if parents don't lead it, men/women, moms/dads, grandmas and grandpas—don't lead out in re-establishing the reason for Christmas and what it ought to be about, the world will send us another message. Bob: Yes; in fact, the message is pretty clear at Christmastime. Very little of it is about the spiritual significance of the holiday. Barbara: That's right. Bob: Most of it's about the commercial significance of the holiday. Barbara: Yes; it is. All you have to do is go into any store that carries a lot of Christmas decorations—ornaments, or things you can put on your tree, or things you can put up around your house—and if you look hard, you will find very, very little about Jesus—about His coming to earth / about the Christmas story. You'll find plenty of things—a plethora of things—about Santa and reindeer, and elf on a shelf, and on, and on, and on it goes. The volume of things associated with Christmas today is overwhelmingly not about the Christmas story. 6:00 Bob: This is actually what got you started, a few years back, thinking, “I want to start creating things that people can put in their home that will refocus them, at Christmastime, on the reason we're celebrating Christmas.” Barbara: As we were raising our children, I noticed that there was very little available even then—and that was 20 years ago—that helped us, as a family / helped Dennis and me turn our kids' attention to Jesus at the Christmas holiday. I wanted to do that—I wanted to help my kids appreciate Christmas for what it was really all about. And yet, I couldn't find things that helped me engage my kids in conversations about it. I couldn't find things, other than a Nativity scene or two, that we had that would help us turn our attention, and help us turn our kids' attention, to the meaning of Christmas. Dennis: And I was glad she finally got a chance to put some feet under some ideas she had had—that she'd been talking about, Bob, for probably 25 years as we raised our kids.  7:00 She would talk about this repeatedly: “Why doesn't someone create meaningful objects that call us to worship, that are well done, and have our Christmas trees and our decor in our homes be about Jesus Christ, in a contemporary way that will pass on the truth about Jesus Christ to the next generation?”  What she did—she began to do a study of the names of Christ that are mentioned in Scripture. You know, you don't really pause and take a step back and think, “How important a name is,” but I just want to read what the Apostle Paul says in Philippians, Chapter 2 [verse 9]—he says, “Therefore God has highly exalted Him,”—that is Christ—“and has bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven, and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” 8:00 Christmas is about the incarnation of the One, whose name—someday, every knee will bow—not just a few, but every knee will bow. What Barbara did—because she's both an artist and a student of the Bible—she began to set out to create a line of ornaments, calling them Adorenaments®, after the song, O Come Let Us Adore Him. She created the Christmas names from Luke, Chapter 2 and Isaiah. She created His royal names from the Psalms and from Revelation. She created His Savior names in the form of crosses. All of these were designed to be durable and to be passed on to the next generation to declare who Jesus is. This year, she's created globes. They're globes that declare four names of Christ around Advent—His first coming—that help families, I think, regain their focus back on why we celebrate Christmas. 9:00 Bob: These globes are round ornaments. We think of ornaments as globes most often, but this is the first year you've done anything with a round shape. Barbara: Right. And they're literally globes—that have the continents of the earth on them; and then written, on the globe, is a name of Christ: “Jesus is the Light of the World,” or “Jesus is the Messenger”; and then there's also a verse on the globe, too, to help us understand why He came to our planet. Bob: And is this all you have on your tree at home—are these ornaments? Barbara: It is. I have some small balls that are plain, that don't have anything on them. All of our kids are out of the nest. When they left, we boxed up all their ornaments that they collected, when they were growing up, and gave them to the kids. If we still had our children at home, we would probably have a mix of different kinds of things, plus all of the Adorenaments on our tree. Since it's just Dennis and me now, that's what we have on our tree—is just the names of Christ. 10:00 Bob: Does your home feel different because your tree has these ornaments on them rather than a mixture? Barbara: I don't know if it feels different, but I like looking at it. Our daughter-in-law, Marsha Kay, told me last year, at Christmas, that she puts up a little bit smaller tree in their living room—it doesn't have a really high ceiling—so it's probably just an average six-foot tree. She only puts the Adorenaments on there that I've given her through the years. She said: “I love to go in that living room and sit there, all by myself, and just stare at that tree. I call it my Jesus tree.” She said, “It helps me remember what Christmas is about.” They put up another tree in their main room, where their TV is, and where they gather as a family—it's a larger room. That's the tree that the kids decorate—that's where they put their school ornaments, and the ones they make, and the ones they've collected. That's more of an all-purpose tree. But I just love the way she described it—she called it her Jesus tree. I just thought: “That's really exactly what it is.  11:00 “It's having a place, at Christmas, that proclaims who He is and what He came to do. That reminds us, as a family / those of us who live in that house—or people who come to visit—reminds us what the holiday is all about.” Dennis: And I think many times we underestimate the power of a name. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: If you think how the first coming of Christ—His first advent—was described when the angel of the Lord appeared to Mary, announcing that she was going to have a baby, and told her what to call Him. Let me just read this from Luke, Chapter 1: “The angel said to Mary, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb, and bear a son, and you shall call His name Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David.'” And he goes on to promise that Jesus would save the people from their sins. 12:00 The name, Jesus, actually means “God saves.” So the incarnation is God's statement to humanity, “I'm finally going to bring to pass that which I promised, all the way back to Genesis, Chapter 3, when Adam and Eve sinned,” and He promised that there would be a Redeemer. Bob: Well, and last year, you took that name, Jesus, and made ornaments in five languages. Barbara: Five different languages. Bob: And it was just the name of Jesus in the alphabet and the language of—I think it was Spanish; it was Russian; Mandarin— Barbara: Chinese Mandarin. Bob: —Hebrew— Barbara: Hebrew and Arabic. Bob: And that's the declaration that “God saves.” When you talk about other names of Jesus, you're talking about titles like “Son of the Most High,” which the angel mentioned to Mary. Barbara: Yes. Bob: So each year, you've been doing different titles. In that sense, they are names / they're descriptors of who Jesus is. 13:00 Barbara: Correct; yes. And every one of the names that's given to Jesus / that we read about in the Bible helps us understand more of who He is / more of what He came to do for us.  You know, we're so used to, as people, having one or maybe two names, or three names if you have a middle name. We think in really small terms when it comes to names for people. But when you think about the fact that Jesus has, as some scholars say, as many as 300 names or titles given to Him in the Bible, it tells us that He is much, much different than we are. There is much to learn about Him and much to worship. As we learn what these different names are—and then learn what they mean and learn why they're important—for instance, the verse we know so well at Christmas from Isaiah: “He shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace”—each one of those four names that were prophesied about Christ tell us something different about His character / tell us something different about who He is and what He can do for us. 14:00 Just think about the title, Prince of Peace. How badly do we need peace in our world? We need it every year. Every year, at Christmas, we all feel the need for peace—peace in our families, peace in our hearts, peace between people groups, between nations—and Jesus came to give us that peace. He came to be the Prince of Peace. When we understand more about His names, we understand more about Him. Therefore, we want to worship Him for all that He is to us and for us. Dennis: And I love the attention to detail that Barbara has created here around these names. The one she's talking about here—Prince of Peace—you can see that, Bob, it's resting on a bed of straw, which is representative of the humble circumstances of Jesus being born in a manger.  15:00 As you were talking about Prince of Peace, Barbara—yes, we need it for the world—but you also mentioned there are a lot of homes that need peace this Christmas season. It may be that a family pulls this out and reads what you've written about what it means that Jesus was the Prince of Peace—that He personally came to give us peace with God—but also peace with one another. I think families today need to resolve issues / need to resolve conflict. It may be that, as you pull this Adorenament out of the package and hang it on your tree, maybe you and your children can pray: “Lord, would the Prince of Peace come to our family this Christmas season? Would You heal some of the conflict, the lack of peace, the hurt, the anger? And would You turn our home into a place where the Savior, not only visits, but where He reigns as the Prince of Peace?” 16:00 Barbara: And there isn't a family anywhere that doesn't need that. Every family needs help in conflict resolution, and ever family needs peace. That would be a great application for any family to pray this year at Christmas. Bob: You have written something about pretty much each of these ornaments you've created over the years; right?— Barbara: Right. Bob: —whether it's a devotional or some kind of a thought / an essay. Your desire is that the ornament would trigger deeper thinking about the name. What you've written is designed to help prod us in that direction as well. Barbara: Yes; it is. The idea is—and these can be used in all kinds of different ways—people are infinitely creative. But one of the ideas would be to hang an ornament—and we're talking, right now, mostly about His Christmas names, which is the first set—one idea is to hang one ornament each day for a week.  17:00 You could decorate your tree before or after Thanksgiving like you normally do; and then, get these names and hang them once each day, for the week leading up to Christmas, to help prepare your hearts to worship and to welcome Him on Christmas morning. A way to do that is—each set comes with this small book—so you could hang the ornament on the tree. Then somebody in the family reads the short story. It takes a couple of minutes, at the most, to read it. It helps us understand who Jesus is with this name that you're hanging on the tree. Dennis: Yes. I'm looking at the name, Emmanuel, which you write about in your book here—another one of the Christmas names, from Matthew, Chapter 1:23—it says, “Behold, a virgin shall be with child and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel.” Well, that name means “God with us.” He's ever-present with us. You go on to talk about how Jesus, not only came in terms of the incarnation to planet earth; but again, He came to take up residence in each person's life.  18:00 I think a lot of parents are wondering, “How do I share my faith in Christ with my kids?” Well, these Adorenaments give you a way to introduce your child to the One who is called the Savior; the One who is Emmanuel; the One who is the Prince of Peace. You actually have, in the back of this booklet around the Christmas names, a prayer that a child can pray to commit his life, or her life, to Jesus Christ. Barbara: We have a really good friend who actually works here in our office. The year these ornaments came out, he did exactly what we're talking about. They hung the ornaments on the tree, one by one, and read the stories that accompanied each name. He told us that year that one of the names triggered some questions in his son's heart. His son started asking his dad: “So, what about this? What does that mean about me?” And his dad answered his questions. It was the right time for his son to want to receive Christ.  19:00 This man—this good friend of ours—had the great privilege of leading his son to Christ as a result of focusing on the names of Christ at Christmas. I think that's what God is calling all of us to do. He's calling all of us to make decisions. He's calling all of us to settle things and make things right with Him. Christmas is a wonderful time to do that, because we're naturally thinking about Jesus being born in Bethlehem. It's a perfect opportunity for moms and dads to help your kids understand what a decision for Christ looks like and why that's the most important decision they'll ever make. Dennis: As parents, we are commanded, back in Deuteronomy, Chapter 6, to pass on our faith / our love for Christ to our children, and to talk of it when we rise up, when we go by the way, when we lie down. We're to be talking to our children; in essence, training them in the Bible and about who God is.  20:00 It's really a foreshadowing of the Great Commission, a command that Jesus gave over in Matthew 28:19 and 20, where He commanded us to make disciples, to teach them to obey all that He has commanded us. You and I, as parents, are commanded to instruct our children in the ways of God from His Word. That can come about around the holiday of Christmas; which frankly, just sets you up, as a parent, to be able to talk about: “Why do we celebrate this season? Why is it so important?” “Well, it's about Jesus Christ, who wasn't just another man. He is the Savior / He is the Prince of Peace,” and to use this holiday as the great privilege and opportunity to introduce your children to that Savior. Bob: At this point, you have created 30 different ornament designs. The ones for this year are the globes we've talked about. In past years, they've been different designs / different shapes.  21:00 If somebody goes to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, they can actually see all 30 of the ornaments you've created and order whatever ornaments they'd like to—have their tree covered with names of Christ—all over the tree. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to see the ornaments Barbara has created, including the new set for this year—His advent names—the four globes that talk about Jesus as the Son, the Messenger, the Word, and the Light. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order any of the Adorenaments at 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word “TODAY.”,By the way, in our FamilyLife app, we're including devotionals and ideas for celebrating the Advent season—ways that you can engage others in conversation about Christ during the Advent season.  22:00 If you don't currently have the FamilyLife app, it's free. Go to your app store, and you can download it. Look for this Advent content that we're starting to include in the app. Again, the app is free; and you can download it when you go to your app store. It was 31 years ago today that Tim and Angela Childress became husband and wife. Tim and Angela live here in Little Rock. They are associate staff, here at FamilyLife. We want to say, “Congratulations!” to the Childresses today as they celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary. And “Congratulations!” to you, as well, if it's your wedding anniversary. Anniversaries matter. Here, at FamilyLife, we've been celebrating our 40th anniversary, all year long; and we've been doing it by reflecting on how God has used this ministry in the lives of so many couples, who are still celebrating anniversaries because of how God worked through FamilyLife to strengthen their marriage.  That's what you're supporting when you support this ministry—you're helping to strengthen marriages and families.  23:00 You're helping couples to thrive and families to flourish. We want to say, “Thank you for your partnership with us, and your investment in the tens of thousands of couples and families we're talking to every day on this program, and who we're reaching through our website, our events, and our resources.” If you can help with a donation today, we'd love to say, “Thank you,” by sending you a resource that you can use with your children during the Christmas season. These are ornaments that are designed for preschool and early elementary-aged children. They're colorful, and they're great for kids to understand more about who Jesus is at Christmastime. We'll send you “The Twelve Names of Christmas” ornament set when you make a donation today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate online; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation; or you can request “The Twelve Names of Christmas” when you mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. 24:00 Now, tomorrow, we're going to talk more about some of the names the Bible uses for Jesus and see what we can learn about who He is by understanding His names. Hope you can tune in for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.______________________________________________________________________________ Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to AdventCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being StillCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the SaviorCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior NamesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. His Savior Names Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey and Laura Rainey Dries                From the series:       Celebrating Advent (Day 4 of 5)Air date:                     December 1, 2016______________________________________________________________________________ Bob:  The Christmas season gives all of us the opportunity to be talking more easily and more comfortably with friends or family members about who Jesus is. Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara:  This good friend of ours had the great privilege of leading his son to Christ as a result of focusing on the names of Christ at Christmas. I think that's what God is calling all of us to do. He's calling all of us to settle things and make things right with Him. Christmas is a wonderful time to do that, because we're naturally thinking about Jesus being born in Bethlehem. It's a perfect opportunity for moms and dads to help your kids understand what a decision for Christ looks like and why that's the most important decision they'll ever make. Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, December 1st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  1:00 Are you thinking, and planning, and strategizing about ways you could take advantage of spiritual opportunities in your family or among your friends during the holiday season? We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. It's actually the first day of December. This is the first day of the last month of the year, and the last month we'll be celebrating our 40th anniversary as a ministry. Dennis:  You're exactly right. It's been a great year to celebrate 40 years. FamilyLife has been, for 40 years, the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries™—not ours—yours. I read a great letter recently, Bob, from a couple, whom you mentioned, congratulating them on their 70th. Bob:  That was great—back in August; yes. Dennis:  Seventy years of marriage—just a great letter of how their friends at church heard it and they thought: “You guys are famous! You're on FamilyLife Today!” [Laughter]  2:00 Well, 70 years deserves a celebration; and you know what? There's another season that demands celebration as well—that's Christmas. We want to help you do a better job of doing that. Before we talk about how we're going to help you celebrate Christmas—Bob, in our family, when I was growing up, we had a time when the family would come together around the dinner table and we'd say, “There's something important we need to talk about.” It didn't happen many times but enough times that I knew, as a young lad, this was important.  You know what? We're at a table here—kind of a dinner table of sorts. I'm asking the listener to scoot up a chair and just listen as I invite you to become a part of FamilyLife's mission. We need you. We need you to stand with us as we stand alongside you—as a single person, married, parent, grandparent—with God's blueprints for marriage and family.  3:00 This ministry's made possible—our mission of supporting families—is made possible by folks like you. As you slide the chair up to the table, maybe you can slide your checkbook out on the table and write a check; because that's what makes this broadcast possible. I just want folks to know we believe this is the mission of the hour for our country, and we need you to stand with us if you believe that as well. Bob:  And there is a significant incentive right now. If you're able to help with a donation, there's a matching gift that has been made available to us, here at FamilyLife. We've asked our friend, Michelle Hill, to be our matching-gift monitor throughout the month of December. Can you give us the details on how the matching gift is working? Michelle:  Sure, Bob. Here's how it works—first of all, the matching fund is $1.25 million. When listeners make a donation in December, their donation is actually going to be tripled by money drawn from this matching-gift fund.  4:00 Let's say somebody gives $50. Well, we're able to draw $100 from the matching fund so that the total gift becomes $150. I'll keep tabs on how things are going throughout the month; and of course, keep you up to date! Bob:  Well, we will check in with you regularly throughout the month. We'd love to have you join us in the work of FamilyLife. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com—make a donation online; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a yearend donation. Or you can mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. We hope to hear from you, here, between now and the end of the year. Dennis:  We sure do. I just want to remind you: “Christmas is about family. It's about love; and it's about giving, because ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.'”  5:00 Early in our marriage—I'll never forget—Barbara came to me and she said: “You know, I am just kind of sick and tired of the messages of the culture. How can we train our children to be more about gift giving than gift receiving?” We put our heads together—we started asking people. I don't know who shared it with us, but somebody—it wasn't us—originated the idea that, instead of lining up all your presents that you're going to open for yourself / instead, line up all your presents that you want to give to others. In fact, I'm looking out to the audience that's out there listening to us tape this program right now— Bob:  A small audience—we have about five or six— Dennis:  It's not— Bob:  And we have your wife Barbara joining us again today. Barbara—welcome back to FamilyLife Today.   Barbara:  Thank you. Bob:  But we do have a studio audience that includes your daughter, Laura. 6:00 Dennis:  Come on back in here, Laura, into the studio. Share with our audience what you used to think about as you used to have to get all your gifts that you were going to give rather than all of the gifts that you were going to get. Laura:  Well, honestly, it just changed the perspective between my siblings. It became kind of like a game of who's going to get to give first and, “Which gift am I most excited about giving?” I just remember thinking: “Oh, I know Ashley is going to love this. I can't wait to give her this gift!” It just changed the perspective. Instead of thinking, “Oh, I wonder what's in that box for me,”—[it was]—“I hope they like what's in this box for them.” Bob:  Okay; but I heard a story about an awful, terrible Christmas— Laura:  Oh! Yes! Bob:  —where everybody—you know what I'm talking about? Laura:  This is amazing. I hope this is the one you're talking about! Bob:  Is it the hair dryer story? Laura:  Yes! It had nothing to do with me, which makes it even a lot better; right? [Laughter] Dennis:  Some of our regular listeners have heard this before; but it is worth revisiting, because this is a Rainey classic right here. 7:00 Laura:  Well, Samuel, my older brother, came up with it; because one year, my older sister, Rebecca, said all she wanted for Christmas was a hair dryer. Barbara:  All she wanted— Laura:  “The one thing— Barbara:  —the one thing. Laura:  —“I need this year, guys, from all of you is a hair dryer.” So Samuel thought: “Perfect! We'll all get her hair dryers.” [Laughter] So we all got a hair dryer. Maybe he went to WalMart®; I can't remember. Barbara:  No; he and I went—Samuel and I went to K-Mart®. We bought six hair dryers. I kept the receipt, because I knew we'd be returning five. Laura:  Yes. Barbara:  But when we walked out of there, we giggled and we laughed—it was so much fun. Laura:  So, it was just a large prank. It turned Christmas morning into something that we all thought was hilarious. Lots of tears after about the third or fourth hair dryer that Rebecca opened [Laughter]:  “Did you guys not talk to each other? What happened?! How did you do this all together?” We all thought it was great; and then, it was not funny to Rebecca at all. Bob:  Were there some backup presents in the— Laura:  Oh, absolutely. We all had backup presents. Bob:  So you didn't just stick her with six hair dryers.  Laura:  —and say, “Good luck!”—right. [Laughter] Bob:  And it wasn't your favorite Christmas; huh? 8:00 Laura:  No; I don't think so. Dennis:  But the point is—we wanted our family to focus on gift giving—because, really, Christmas is about God giving His Son, Jesus Christ, to come and be our Savior.  What Barbara's been working on for families for the past, really, five years is to help you, as a family, know how to best celebrate Christmas and what God was trying to communicate through His Son Jesus Christ. She's done that through a series of ornaments that she's calling Adorenaments®, all around the song, O Come Let Us Adore Him. You've now created 30 different, unique ornaments that are beautiful, but also meaningful, around the names of Christ. 9:00 Barbara:  Yes; we have. It's been a great privilege to be able to create these and to help families make their Christmas tree about Jesus instead of your Christmas tree looking like Santa Clauses, and reindeers, and all kinds of things that have nothing to do with Christmas—not that those things are bad—but those of us, who worship Christ—our Christmas tree should say something about Jesus. Our trees should say something about the reason for the season, which is His coming to earth, as you said in John 3:16, to save us and to redeem us. Dennis:  And one of the things that Barbara did in our family was—every Christmas Eve, she would wrap up an ornament. She would give each of the kids an ornament that she had bought a year earlier, after they went on sale the day after Christmas. Barbara:  True. Dennis:  It really is true—that's how she did it. They were really beautiful ornaments, but none of them—I don't think a single one of them—had much to do with the real reason for Christmas. Barbara:  Well, if I could have found some, that would be what I would have purchased for our kids. One of our daughters collected angels; so I tried to find her angel ornaments every year—  10:00 —that was sort of close to the Christmas story. But there weren't too many to be found that were actually about the reason for Christmas; so I bought other things for our kids for Christmas / for their ornaments. Bob:  Do you remember any of the ornaments you got? Laura:  Oh yes. I just opened them a couple days ago. I couldn't wait! I was so excited to decorate the tree. Bob:  Because this is your first—this is your first married Christmas. Laura:  Right; it is. Bob:  Any of Josh's old ornaments on the tree? Barbara:  I don't know if he has any. [Laughter] Laura: I don't know if he has any. Dennis:  A single guy with ornaments, Bob? Bob:  I had a box of ornaments that my mom gave me. I mean, you gave your boys ornaments; right? Barbara:  Our sons have their ornaments that I gave them when they were growing up; yes. Bob:  And do they still show up on their tree? Do you know? Barbara:  I don't know—yes; Samuel's do, because I've seen his several years. I don't know about Ben's. I'm sure they're there—I just haven't noticed them. Bob:  You'd better ask Josh if he has any ornaments. Laura:  I think he probably left them in the attic—he was embarrassed. [Laughter] If he has any, we'll incorporate them in. 11:00 Actually, I have—like Mom said earlier—she gave us a different ornament every year and truly continued on. I still—well, I'm probably not going to get one this year—she's cutting me off now that I'm married. Barbara:  Now that she's married. [Laughter] Laura:  It's all downhill from here! Dennis:  Josh can get you an ornament.  But what you've done, Barbara, is—you've created now five different sets of ornaments. The first year, there were seven names—they're metal names of Christ from Luke, Chapter 2, and Isaiah. The second year was His royal names—these are in the shape of a crown. The third year, His Savior names—we'll talk about them in just a moment—they're in the form of crosses / different crosses from different eras in history. The next year, you had the name of Jesus—that we mentioned earlier—in the various languages throughout the world. Then, this year, you've created globes—which are his Advent names—that are meant to be used at Christmas to help people lead up toward Christmas Day. 12:00 Barbara:  Yes; and you can use any of these ornaments as sort of an advent for your family if you want to. You could hang one ornament each day of the month of December if you wanted to; or you can use just the globes, and you hang those out once each week, leading up to Christmas. There are lots of different things you can do; but by focusing on the names of Christ, no matter which set it is, it helps you remember and focus on the real meaning for Christmas, which is that Christ came to redeem us. Bob:  With five different sets that you've created, do you have a favorite set? Barbara:  Oh, that's a hard question. Dennis:  That's a tough one. Bob:  I know.  Laura: Yes; you do.  Bob: Which is your kids— Barbara:  I do? Laura:  Yes; of course! Bob:  Which one? Laura:  The crowns are her favorite. Bob:  Are they your [Barbara's] favorite? Laura:  I think they are.  Barbara:  It's hard to say. I mean, I really don't know that I can say. I do love the crowns, because I love the idea of Jesus being the King. You know, we don't see Him as King like we will someday when He comes back—so I do love that. But I have to say I love the crosses, because the crosses remind us— 13:00 Dennis:  Now wait a second! That was going to be mine. Barbara:  Well, it can be yours too. [Laughter] Dennis:  I like the crosses, too; because they speak of His purpose—of why He came to save His people from their sins. Each cross is a different cross from a different era in history, and I just think they're magnificent and beautiful.  Bob, what about you? Do you have a favorite? Bob:  I'm partial to the crosses too. I hate to kind of weigh in with the majority here; but the crosses have always been my favorite, because the cross is the centerpiece of our faith that points us to the gospel and what Jesus came to earth for. We tend to think of Christmas being about a manger, and Easter being about a cross; but we need to remember the cross at Christmas as well. Barbara:  They were one in Jesus' mind—I mean, He came for the purpose of dying for us. When you look at it from God's perspective, they're inseparable, even though we celebrate them at two different times of the year. Dennis:  We skipped over Laura. Barbara:  We did; I know. Dennis:  We didn't ask her what her favorite— Bob:  Do you have a favorite set, Laura? 14:00 Laura:  Well, up until this year, the Christmas names were my favorite; but I do love the globes. I think they're different, and they're unique—I love the colors. They really stand out on the Christmas tree. I think it just presents a really neat opportunity—for people who come into your home—aside from all the other ones / they also present the opportunity—but to speak of the reason why Jesus came in an incredibly tangible way is a unique opportunity. Bob:  We are describing these. We ought to point listeners to our website if they'd like to see the globes versus the crosses versus the crowns versus all of the different designs you've done over the years. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link for the Adorenaments to see each of the 30 ornaments that Barbara has designed over the years. Dennis:  I was looking forward to asking my wife this question, because I'm not sure I know the answer to it. Bob:  Okay. Dennis:  Why did you pick the Savior names for the third year to help celebrate Christmas? I'm looking at these names, and I just want to mention them— 15:00 —just kind of puts it in context here: Anointed One, Chief Cornerstone, Great High Priest, Lamb of God, Mediator, Messiah, and Redeemer. Why did you pick His Savior names? Barbara:  When I was starting to create these ornaments, I was in conversations with a bunch of different people around the office. I remember one day—because there are over 300 names of Christ—so where do you start? I mean, that's a long list of names. I was mulling all this over in my mind. One day, I was talking to Bob; and Bob said, “Okay; if you could only do three sets of Jesus' names, which ones would you do?”  I knew right away what that would be. I would do His Christmas names, because they're the names we know the best. I would do His royal names, because those are His names that we will know better when He comes back; and then we had to have His Savior names.  16:00 That's why I did those three sets first, because it was sort of—it was a challenge / it was a charge from Bob: “If you could only do three, which three would you do?” So that's why we did those three first. Bob:  I had no idea. Barbara:  You didn't know you— Bob:  I didn't know. Barbara:  —had that kind of influence. [Laughter] Dennis:  See, I didn't know the answer to the question. The next question is: “Why did you pick these crosses from different eras in history?” I'm holding the Savior's name here, Mediator, and it's the Saint Thomas cross. Barbara:  I did not know when we started working on His Savior names that there were so many different types of crosses. The Saint Thomas cross was developed by the Armenian people. Armenia is an area in eastern Turkey. It's said that Thomas, the disciple, went to Armenia after the resurrection of Christ—that he was the one who went east to take the gospel to people—so they created this cross.   17:00 It has a dove on the top to signify the Holy Spirit, who comes to dwell within us; and they named the cross after the disciple Thomas. I did not know that; and I thought, “Well, what a cool story!” So each one of these crosses has a similar story—why it was created, who designed it, what the name is, and why it became important in the history of Christendom throughout the last 2,000 years. Dennis:  So what's the story behind the cross that bears the name, Messiah? It's called the anchor cross. Bob:  I knew he was going to ask about it—he loves the anchor cross. Dennis: I do. Barbara:  It is his favorite. When we were talking about favorites—it's his favorite. Barbara:  Oh, it's yours, too, Laura? Laura:  Yes. Barbara:  Why is it your favorite? Laura:  Well, when people buy His Savior names—you can read this in the book—but it's my favorite because, in the book, it says the promise of Messiah is a message of hope. If you keep going [reading] down, it says the anchor cross has symbolized hope since the early days of the church. I think around Christmastime, it's such a happy and a celebratory time; but it can also be a really hard time for a lot of people. 18:00 Barbara:  Yes. Laura:  It can be a time where you've lost a loved one; and so you're reminded, around that time, of someone that's missing in your life—or something that you would like to have / if you longed to be married or if you've longed to have children and you can't. It can be a hard time of year, around Christmas. I think that's why I love the Messiah ornament. Barbara:  That's why we put the name, Messiah, on the anchor cross; because there's the verse in Hebrews 6—and it says, “We have this hope, this sure and steadfast hope that is the anchor of our soul.” The idea that Jesus is our anchor—that when everything around us feels like it's giving way / when we're caught in some kind of a tempest, or a trial, or a really difficult time—we can be confident that Jesus is with us, that He will never leave us or forsake us, and that our faith in Him has been likened to an anchor. So we put the name, Messiah, on the anchor cross. 19:00 Dennis:  We don't have time to look at all the names here; but the one we have to talk about, if we're going to talk about Savior names, is Redeemer. This is the Celtic cross. The word, Redeemer, is used 141 times in Scripture. It's used 13 times in the Book of Isaiah, where it foretells the coming of Jesus Christ. He came to be our Savior/our Messiah, but He also came to redeem us.  I was thinking, as I was reflecting on that name, of the illustration given of a man who was standing before a judge, guilty. The judge declared him guilty and told him what his penalty would be. At that point, he got up, pushed back from the chair, took his robe off, pulled out his checkbook, walked around in front of the judge's bench, and wrote out the check, “Paid in full.” That's what our Redeemer did.  20:00 He came to do what you can't do for yourself.  If you're listening to us today, and you don't know—the Redeemer, the Messiah, the One who is the chief Cornerstone, the Anointed One, the One who is the Savior of the world—then you just simply need to cry out and say to Him, “Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner!” There was another person who cried out that prayer—he was in the process of dying on a cross. He was one of the criminals that was executed next to Christ on the day that Christ was crucified. Jesus turned to him and said, “Surely, you will be with Me today in paradise.”  You know what? If you cry out to Jesus Christ / surrender your life to Him, He will hear your prayer. He will meet you where you are in the middle of your mess, and He will redeem you. He will be your Messiah. He will become your anchor in the storm. 21:00 Bob:  We have on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, a tab that says, “Two Ways to Live.” I'd encourage listeners to go and click that tab and look at what's presented there, because there are only two ways to live. There is the God-centered way of living, and then there is the man-centered way of living. Each of us decides which path we're going to walk on. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the tab that says, “Two Ways to Live.” As you read it, ask yourself the question: “Who or what am I living for? What's my life really all about?” While you're on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, take a look at the resources Barbara has been working on that we've talked some about today—the ornaments that have been created in past years to hang on your Christmas tree to proclaim the names of Jesus during the Christmas season—and the new set of ornaments, His Advent names.  22:00 These are four globe-shaped ornaments that have four different names for Jesus—Jesus is the Son, the Messenger, the Word, and the Light—corresponding verses on each ornament. You can order any of the ornaments in the collection when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” And for those of you who have the FamilyLife mobile app—some of you, I know, listen to this program using the app—we're starting to include some devotional material for the month of December in the app / some Advent devotions; some questions you can use to prompt spiritual discussions during the holiday season, with friends or family members—or your children, for that matter—ways to talk about Christ during Christmas. You'll find it all on the FamilyLife app, and the app is free.  23:00 Simply go to your app store to download it. Of course, FamilyLife Today is available on the app every day. It's easy to tune in that way. I want to say, “Happy anniversary!” today to Pastor Jason and Lady Charita Spruill, who live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I was just up in Philadelphia for our Weekend to Remember® getaway recently—had a great weekend with listeners who came out for the getaway. The Spruills are celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary today. They listen to FamilyLife Today on WFIL. We want to say: “Happy anniversary to you guys! Hope you have a great celebration.” We're all about anniversaries, here at FamilyLife. We've been helping couples celebrate more anniversaries for 40 years now. We want to thank those of you who partner with us to make this ministry possible. We mentioned earlier the matching gift that is available during the month of December. We hope you'll consider a yearend contribution to this ministry. You can give, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to give.  24:00 Or you can mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. Now, tomorrow, Barbara Rainey is going to be back with us again. We're going to continue our conversation about how we make Jesus the issue at Christmas and how we make sure that He doesn't get cluttered out. Hope you can tune in for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.______________________________________________________________________________ Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to AdventCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being StillCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the SaviorCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior NamesCelebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Remembering Christ at Christmas Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey and Laura Rainey Dries    From the series:       Celebrating Advent (Day 5 of 5)Air date:                     December 2, 2016  Bob: The season of Advent is a time for us to be thinking about when Jesus came and about the fact that He is coming again. Here's Barbara Rainey.  Barbara: We know that when He came—His first advent—when He came and was born as a baby in a manger, He came to serve us, He came to redeem us, and He came to deliver us. He was still King in all eternity, but He didn't walk on earth as the King. He walked on earth as a Servant and as a Savior; but someday, He will come back. There will be a second advent of Jesus Christ. And when He comes back again, He will come back as King of kings and Lord of lords.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, December 2nd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey. I'm Bob Lepine. In the songs we sing during this part of the year, in our traditions, and even in how we decorate our homes, there's an opportunity for us to be making spiritual statements and reminding ourselves and others of the reason for this season. We'll explore that more today. Stay with us.  1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. Here it is December. I always think of December as a good time just for reflection—although, typically, not the first part of December. Usually, it's the end of December when you have a few minutes to catch your breath and kind of reflect on what the year has been. Usually, the first part of the month, you've got— Dennis: It's a sprint.  Bob: —you've just got so much going on. But this has been a great year for us, at FamilyLife. We've been celebrating our 40th anniversary as a ministry this year. It has been fun for us to take some time and just look back on how we've seen God at work in this ministry for four decades.  Dennis: And I was recently looking back on how God worked in the past 12 months.  2.00 Bob, you know, we impacted a record number of people—18.8 million visited our website; listened to FamilyLife Today / Real FamilyLife®; have been to an Art of Marriage® / a Weekend to Remember® event; bought Passport2Purity®. We're making an impact in the most important institution in our country. I believe that mission is the mission of the hour.  If you believe it as well, could I challenge you, here at yearend, to stand with us with a generous gift to keep FamilyLife Today coming on strong on this station to make a difference in the marriages and families in your community?  You may be investing in another family who is raising the son or daughter who marries your son or daughter. So, why don't you participate with us in this mission of strengthening the most basic unit of our nation, the family?—and doing it—listen to me— 3.00 —doing it around the person of Jesus Christ and the truth of the Bible. I believe this is needed, now, as never before.  Bob: You can make a donation by going, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us to make a donation at 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail your donation to FamilyLife Today. Our address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.  Now, this Sunday is going to be—actually, it's going to be the first Sunday in December, but it's the second Sunday in the Advent season. You know, Christmas is on a Sunday this year.  Dennis: That's right.  Bob: Will your church cancel, or will they have services?  Do you know?   Dennis: That's a good question!   Barbara: I don't know.  Bob: It's always hard to know what to do, because Christmas morning is such a family time. There are so many traditions that to try to say, “Okay; we want to go to church too,” just feels out of the normal rhythm—I mean, I get that.  4.00 Dennis: Yes; and I'm thinking of one child in our family who—if I would have said, “You know, we're all just going to get cleaned up and go to church first before we get about celebrating Christmas,”— Bob: Yes?   Dennis: —I think this child—she might have completely split in half. [Laughter]   Bob: Disinherited herself from the family— Barbara: Yes; she would have.  Bob: —and said, “I'm joining somebody else's family for this Christmas.”   Dennis: In fact, she's out in the production area of our studio here—Laura. We've asked Laura to come in here, recently, a couple of times. So, Laura, would you come into the studio and just explain how difficult it was for you to wait—the concept of waiting?   Bob: And while you're coming in—and Laura, welcome, by the way—welcome back into the studio. While you are coming in, can we just acknowledge that there might be a heredity link to Laura's impatience that, maybe, somebody—[Laughter] Dennis: Now, why would we want to meddle in that stuff?   5.00 Bob: Barbara, would you like to explain why there might have been a heredity link to this?  [Laughter] Do you know anybody else who might have gotten impatient around Christmastime?   Barbara: It wasn't me. [Laughter]  I know that!  Laura: Who it was? Barbara: Maybe, that's it—maybe, it's being the youngest in the family; because I was the firstborn. My mother remembers this—I hoarded my presents / I kept them to the side. I opened them very slowly, because I wanted it to last all day long. But Dennis was not that way.  Bob: I wasn't either—I was the last born. So, I was the one who thought 5.30 was the appropriate time to go open presents on Christmas morning.  Laura: Absolutely.  Bob: Right?   Dennis: Before the sun was up?   Bob: Well, you know me—morning time is not my— Dennis: Oh, yes.  Bob: —favorite time; but on Christmas morning— Barbara: It was your favorite time!   Bob: —it was a whole different deal. So, getting up early on Christmas, I was all about that as well.  Dennis: There are going to be some people, though, who listen to what we're talking about here—they are going to say, “You guys—you are heretics that you wouldn't go to church on Christmas morning.”  6.00 Laura, would you just comment on what that would have done to you if I'd had said. “Okay; Laura, let's go to church. You can wait another two hours to open the presents”?   Laura: I probably would have cried; because I cried already whenever my older siblings would tease me and be like. “I've got to take a shower,” “I've got to dry my hair,”… Barbara: Because they were teenagers when you were five.  Laura: Yes; “We've got to eat breakfast.”   Bob: So, is there—was there an imposed start time?  [Laughter] Did you have a time you had to stay in bed until?   Laura: Oh, I'm sure that we did. I don't remember exactly what time it was, but I'm fairly certain I was the first one knocking on my parents' door.  Bob: Did you have a routine for going to the tree?  Did everybody have to go together?   Laura: We did. Well, we switched it up every single year. It depended on whatever Dad—his creativity.  Bob: Whatever he came up with.  Laura: Whatever he came up with. And so, one year, it would be—youngest to oldest—which was always my favorite because I got to see in—I got to look around the living room. I tried not to peek, but it was really hard.  7.00 My little five-year-old heart couldn't handle it. One year, it was oldest to youngest; and that was traumatic. Then, boys wind up first and then girls. You know, he got creative with it.  Dennis: I think what God was doing, though, Laura, was—He was preparing you to wait until you were 31 to get married.  Barbara: Oh, maybe, that's it!  [Laughter] Laura: Maybe, that's what He was doing.  Dennis: He was building the discipline in you.  Laura: If only I knew, back in the day, that's what was happening.  Dennis: She's celebrating this Christmas with her new love-of-her-life, Josh. They'll undoubtedly come visit us, Bob—I would think they'll come visit us.  Bob: So, that's a question. “Where are you celebrating Christmas?  Have you worked it out yet?”   Laura: We have. We spent Thanksgiving with my mom's family at the farm. Then, this year, we will spend Christmas with his family; but we—his family celebrates Christmas Eve. So, Christmas Eve is the time where we exchange gifts and have a delicious dinner.  8.00 Little Rock's not too far away. So, we might just hop on I-40 on Christmas morning and pop over to see my parents.  Bob: Or just drive over Christmas Eve night, because you can leave at midnight. [Laughter]   Laura: Right; exactly. Yes! We could be Santa.  Dennis: You could be there, waiting on the steps— Laura: That's right!   Dennis: —to open presents.  Barbara: Yes; you and Josh could get in line. That would be a new twist.  Laura: Matching PJ's. [Laughter]  Can't wait!   Dennis: Well, we're laughing about these traditions, but Barbara has created a new tradition for families to help them bring the reality of Jesus Christ into your Christmas celebration. She's created a number of Adorenaments®. They're ornaments that are all based upon the names of Christ.  The first year was His Christmas names from Luke, Chapter 2, and Isaiah. The second year was His royal names—we're going to talk about that in a moment. The third year was His Savior names. The fourth year—the names of Christ in some of the most widely-used languages around the world.  9.00 And this year, your new Adorenaments are, actually, not metal—these are globes. They are actually heavy as well.  Barbara: Yes; they are round globes, and they have the continents on them so it looks like the planet, earth. On each one of the four globes is a name of Christ that reminds us why He came to earth when He was born in Bethlehem.  One of them says, “Jesus is the Light of the World.”  One of them says, “Jesus is the Messenger,” because He came to bring us the message of good news. One of them says, “Jesus is the Son,” because He came and was born as the Son of God. And the fourth one is “Jesus is the Word.”  We learn in John that Jesus is the Word, and He came to dwell among us. So, each of those four names tell us something about why Jesus came and was born in a manger in Bethlehem for us, who live on planet earth.  Bob: I mentioned that this Sunday is the second Sunday in the Advent season.  10.00 Some churches will address Advent / others don't. Advent really just means “coming.”  It's about a period of waiting and anticipation for the coming of Jesus. Christmas is referred to as His first advent,— Barbara: That's right.  Bob: —because there is a second advent coming.  Barbara: There will be a second advent. That's really what this set of ornaments—this set of names that we're going to talk about today—is all about. It's about Jesus as our King. We know that when He came—His first advent—when He came and was born as a baby in a manger, He came to serve us; He came to redeem us; He came to deliver us. He was still King in all eternity, but He didn't walk on earth as the King. He walked on earth as a Servant and as a Savior.  But someday, as you referred to, He will come back. There will be a second advent of Jesus Christ. And when He comes back again, He will come back as King— 11.00 —King of kings and Lord of lords.  And the ornaments that we are talking about today are a series of crowns—they are seven crowns—and each of them has one of his royal names on them. We, as believers, need to look forward to that. Just as we have a sense of anticipation—that we were talking about earlier—in the month of December, looking forward to Christmas Day as a remembrance of His first advent—God wants us to live with a sense of anticipation, every day of our lives, as we think about His coming back again.  And when He comes back again, He will not come as a baby. He will come as a King, and that's what these ornaments help us remember.  Dennis: And I've just pulled out two that Barbara rushed by, because these are just powerful names—King of kings, Lord of lords. It's only used two times in Scripture. This is not a casual name that was given to Christ. The Apostle Paul used it as he wrote to Timothy, and the Apostle John wrote about it in the Book of Revelation. 12.00 Now, I want you to just, again, think about that title—King of kings / all tens of thousands of those kings who lived and died. This King came; He died; He rose again from the grave; and He's coming back. There is a second advent that will be spectacular.  Bob: Well, if you live in a kingdom, the king is the one with supreme authority. Whatever the king says goes. If Jesus is the King of kings, then, His authority trumps all other authority. We talked earlier this year, on FamilyLife Today, about the fact that we do live as citizens of a different kingdom—the kingdom of heaven. Jesus is the King. Our allegiance—before our allegiance to our country or to our family, even—our highest allegiance goes to the kingdom of heaven.  Barbara: That's right.  13.00 That's why it is good for us to remember, at Christmas, that Jesus is a King. He is our King, and He owns us if we belong to Him. We owe Him our allegiance and our loyalty. Remembering that He is a King—and didn't just come as a baby—but He is coming back as a King is good for us to focus on at Christmas when we think about all of the different names of Jesus Christ. There are names that refer to Him and His royalty as the King. It's good for us to remember that.  Dennis: And if you want to read—I bet you, as a listener, haven't been spending much time here—but if you want to read a spectacular setting that occurs near the end of the Book of Revelation, go to Chapter 19 and look at, beginning at verse 11, where there is a rider on a white horse. And this is the place where the title, King of kings and Lord of lords, comes out.  14.00 It's basically a battle between God and evil—it's the final battle. It is Jesus Christ who is on the white horse, coming to conquer. He is not—as Barbara said—He is not the Suffering Servant who came to be the Lamb—on this particular occasion, He is the King of kings, the Lord of lords; and He is coming to take over. It's spectacular.  It says in verse 16, “On the robe and on His thigh, He has a name written, King of kings, Lord of lords.”  I think the key question is. “Do you know Him?  Do you know the King?  Do you have a relationship with Him?”  This is going to happen—this is more real than this studio that we are broadcasting from. It's more real than the car you're sitting in; or the house that you're listening to this radio broadcast in; or walking, listening, as you take a walk, on your device.  15.00 This is sure and certain. This will become reality.  Bob: We have an experience that we both have shared, but we didn't share it together. I remember being in New York, back in the 1980s. I was there during the Christmas season and there on a Sunday. I got tickets to go see the Radio City Christmas Pageant. It was the last show of the night, and they still had some tickets available. One ticket—that's all I needed. I went to see it, and it was fun—it's like a big variety show, like the old TV variety shows.  But I was surprised—and you had the same experience—I was surprised there was a spiritual element to this Christmas pageant at Radio City Music Hall in New York City that I thought. “Oh! They know what this is really all about.”   Barbara: Yes; Dennis and I went for the first time— 16.00 —I don't know—was it the ‘80s, or was it the ‘90s?   Dennis: I don't remember.  Barbara: We went and got tickets, and we thought the same thing that you did. We thought. “This is entertaining. This is beautiful. It's lavish / it's amazing—it's fun.” Then, it turned on a dime, when there was a pause in the action on stage and the lights dimmed. All of a sudden, they began to display a nativity scene—a live nativity scene. In came the shepherds and in came the—and they had real sheep—and in came Mary and Joseph. They had the stable scene; and then, down the aisles came a procession with camels, and the kings, and their servants.  We were—I remember I was just as stunned as you were. We were wide-eyed, because we had no idea that this was a part of the program. They went down the aisle, and the music was appropriate. The lighting and all of this— Bob: I thought I was at church for a minute.  Barbara: Yes; it felt like church!   Bob: Yes!   Barbara: I couldn't believe we were in New York City, watching this amazing display of the Christmas story in front of us with live animals— 17.00 —I mean, it was spectacular.  Dennis: And at some point, after they made the turn—I don't remember exactly how it started—but they began to read a poem called One Solitary Life. And I just remember it was a powerful, emotional moment—that, here, in the most powerful city in the world, people were going to stop / they were going to recognize who Christ is. And this show, which was to entertain the wealthy, the powerful, and the elite—people from all walks of life—recognized the Savior.  I hadn't read this in a while—I pulled it up, online; and I read it. I just want to read it to our listeners, just to remind you of the power of our King.  He was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman. He grew up in another obscure village, where he worked in a carpenter's shop until he was thirty when public opinion turned against him.  18.00He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never went to college. He never visited a big city. He never travelled more than two hundred miles from the place where he was born. He did none of those things usually associated with greatness. He had no credentials but himself. He was only thirty-three. His friends ran away. One of them denied him. He was turned over to his enemies and went through the mockery of a trial. He was nailed to a cross between two thieves. While dying, his executioners gambled for his clothing, the only property he had on earth.  19.00 When he was dead, he was laid in a borrowed grave through the pity of a friend. Nineteen centuries have come and gone; and today, Jesus is the central figure of the human race and the leader of mankind's progress. All the armies that have ever marched, all the navies that have ever sailed, all the parliaments that have ever sat, all the kings that have ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of mankind on earth as powerfully as that One Solitary Life. Bob: The Christmas season is all about—not just the birth of Jesus— 20.00 —but the coming of Jesus and the reason for His coming—His redemptive work / the message of the gospel—ultimately, the cross and the resurrection. And that's what we're hoping all of us will keep at the forefront of our holiday celebration over the next few weeks.  I want to, again, encourage you—if you've not seen the work that Barbara Rainey has been doing in creating ornaments that can hang on your tree that proclaim the names of Jesus, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. This year's set of ornaments—four globe-shaped ornaments—that talk about Jesus as the Son, the Messenger, the Word, and the Light. And of course, we have previous sets available as well. We have 30 ornaments total, and you can see them all when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us online, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, it's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY.”   21.00 By the way, if you have the FamilyLife Today mobile app on your smartphone or on your tablet, that app is going to have some special content loaded into it. I think it already does have some devotionals and some ways that you can engage people in conversation during the holiday season to have conversations about Jesus at Christmastime. If you don't already have the app, it is free. Go to your app store and download it. It gives you instant access to FamilyLife Today anytime you'd like to listen. Past editions of the program are available, as well, along with special content like we're featuring this month that's all about Christmas. Again, get the FamilyLife app when you go to your app store and download it to your device.  Now, this weekend, we've got two Weekend to Remember® getaways taking place in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania / Albany, New York. We've got hundreds of couples getting ready to kick off a fun, romantic weekend together. Then, next weekend, we wrap up the fall with getaways in Charleston, South Carolina, and out in the Valley of the Sun— 22.00 —in Phoenix, Arizona. And of course, we'll start up our Weekend to Remember getaway season just before Valentine's Day in February. Please pray for the couples who are attending the getaways this weekend. And if you'd like to give a getaway gift certificate as a Christmas gift, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. More information is available there.  And finally, don't forget the matching-gift opportunity that we're hoping to take advantage of during the month of December. All month long, we've asked our friend, Michelle Hill, to keep tabs on our matching gift and let us know each day how we're doing in terms of being able to take advantage of this matching-gift offer. And she is here today with details of the match and an update on how we're doing. Michelle?   Michelle: Hey, Bob. Well, we are just getting started; but I'm pretty excited because we are already receiving our first matched donations.  23.00 As I said yesterday, those gifts are being effectively tripled from that matching-gift fund of $1.25 million.  Now, just in case folks missed it, let me just explain it again. Say you give $10 to FamilyLife. Well, that's great / that's awesome; because there is $20 added to your 10. Your $10 becomes a $30-contribution to FamilyLife. And the bottom line—when you give, the benefit to FamilyLife is effectively tripled.  Bob: Thanks, Michelle. We look forward to your updates throughout December. And if you can help with a donation today, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY; or mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.  With that, we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend.  24.00 And I hope you can join us on Monday when we're going to hear from a number of Christian leaders about how they'd do life differently if they were doing it all over again—and a number of other interesting questions—that our friend, John Gauger, asked these Christian leaders. We'll be hearing from people like Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, Tim Keller, Joni Eareckson Tada, Tony Evans, and others. It should be an interesting program. I hope you can tune in for it.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesRebooting Christmas (Part 1) - A Christ-Focused ChristmasRebooting Christmas (Part 2) - Jesus, The Reason We CelebrateFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. A Christ-Focused Christmas Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Rebooting Christmas (Day 1 of 2)Air date:                     November 26, 2012  Bob:  When the halls at your house get decked, what do they look like?   Woman:  The first four years of our marriage we lived in apartments; so, to save on space—you know not having the big evergreen and then also not have to store it all year round, if you were to get a plastic one.  We already had an indoor Ficus; so, we just threw some Christmas lights on it and went and bought fancy ornaments and put it on there.  We were like, “It's the traditional Christmas Ficus.”  At one point, I was singing, “Oh, Ficus tree, Oh, Ficus tree….”   I wanted a tree just because it's a part of Christmas décor, but it really was just, “We don't have kids.  We don't have room.  There's really no point or no need.”  And I was like, “We've got to have something Christmas in the house.”  That's when Josh was like, “We can decorate the Ficus.”  So, we went out and bought fancy blue and copper ornaments.  We were like, “We're going to make it the high-class, traditional Christmas Ficus.”    So, we had that for a couple of years.  Then, we had red and green for a couple of years.  We'll probably need to get new ones this year.   We still put the presents underneath it, and I remember—I kid you not—this is our tree.  I mean we've got it and just like, “Yay!  The traditional Christmas Ficus is here,” because everyone in our family just knows that, that's our—that's our tree.   Barbara:  What has made me sad for years is that our trees don't tell the story of Christ, they don't tell the story of Jesus.  I just started thinking about what would it be like if Christians all over the country and all over the world, in fact, would have the names of Christ on their trees and symbols of what Christmas is all about.  It would be a statement of our faith.  It would be a reminder of why we celebrate.  It's a way of bringing the truth of Christ into our Christmas celebrations.   Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, November 26th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  There's nothing wrong with an occasional snowman or a reindeer, but what if your house could make a statement about Jesus during the Christmas season?  We'll talk about how to do that today.   And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.   Dennis:  It is more beautiful here in the studio today.  (Laughter)   Bob:  Would you like to explain why?   Dennis:  That laugh you just heard is the reason, because wherever this woman goes, she makes things beautiful.   Bob:  I'm just amazed—here's what I'm amazed about— Dennis:  It's my wife, Barbara, by the way.   Bob:  Yes, that's right.  Barbara, welcome to FamilyLife Today.   Dennis:  Welcome. Barbara:  Thank you, Bob.   Bob:  I'm just amazed that you even had time to be here because the first half of the season is over—Thanksgiving is done, the turkey has been served, leftovers are mostly gone.   Barbara:  In Tupperware containers or gone.  (Laughter)   Bob:  Now, we're gearing up for the second half; because as soon as you put everything away for Thanksgiving, you've got to flip the house into Christmas mode, don't you?   Barbara:  Yes.  Yes, you've got to switch gears and switch gears quickly.   Bob:  So, is the weekend—is Thanksgiving weekend relaxing or is it just— Barbara:  For us?   Bob:  Yes.   Barbara:  Yes, it's relaxing because we don't switch gears and put the tree up on Friday morning like a lot of families do.  I just—I just want to enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend.  It's our favorite holiday.  We often have kids home.  We don't usually have children, our adult kids, home at Christmas.  We have them at Thanksgiving, and I want to enjoy them.  So, we don't usually start that until Monday after everyone is gone—or Tuesday or the next weekend, for that matter.   Dennis:  She really does not like the whole commercialization of Christmas that starts back before July 4th.  (Laughter)   Bob:  There is a reason why FamilyLife Today listeners don't hear us talking about Christmas until now.   Dennis:  And it's Barbara.   Bob:  We don't bring it up—there's an embargo on our calendars: “You cannot mention Christmas”— Dennis:  You know what?  Seriously.   Bob:  Honestly.   Dennis:  There are those here at FamilyLife on the team who -- it's been brought up before that we should feature some of the resources we create for listeners -- but they said, “Oh, no, no.”   Bob:  “No, no.”   Dennis:  “You can't do that.  Barbara”— Bob:  “Barbara would not allow it.”  (Laughter)   Dennis:  —“would not allow this.”   Barbara:  As if I have this great authority, which I do not.   Bob:  Trust me.  Trust me.   Dennis:  Well, you did on this one.   Bob:  More than you know.   Dennis:  Years ago—years ago, you laid down the law.  The law is still in the land.  Bob:  So, we don't talk about—we talk about Jesus— Dennis:  Yes.   Barbara:  Yes.   Dennis:  Of course.   Bob:  —and his birthday, maybe; but we wait until we're past—so, here we are, so that means this week is decorate the house week for you.   Barbara:  Play the Christmas music and jump in.   Dennis:  It's get the boxes out of the attic.   Bob:  So, are you pretty excited about that?  You look forward to this time?  Dennis:  Oh, I love carrying those boxes.   Barbara:  He does not.   Dennis:  I—they're—no.   Bob:  We talked to a dad about how this works in his house; and after we got done talking to him, our team decided we needed to rewrite the entire “Twelve Days of Christmas” song to be about the 12 days of decorating the house for this season.   Man:  Sometime, in there, she wants to pull them out and start putting ornaments up.   (Singing)   Man:  She'll start hinting around; and then, the day will come, and it'll sneak up on me.  Then, she'll say “I want to get the ornaments out and decorate today.”   (Singing)  Man:  It means I'm not going to get to lay there and watch football.  It means I've got to get my ladder and get into our attic, which involves going through our closet, climbing through a tiny, little hole in the ceiling, and getting down about 12 boxes of Christmas decorations.   Bob:  Is it a great day?   Man:  No, it's not a good day.  It's a bad day to beat down.  (Laughter)   When I finally get all the boxes down, I climb my way back down out of the attic drenched in sweat by that time—not in the mood to decorate a tree, not in a mood to be around my family, not in the mood to celebrate Christmas.   Bob:  Can you relate?   Dennis:  I can.  I mean you'd have to see the section we have commissioned for all these boxes.  Maybe we have some boxes that need Carbon-14 dating to determine how old they are.  (Laughter) Bob:  This section, you're talking about storage?  I mean— Barbara:  Mm-hmm.   Dennis:  Uh-huh.   Bob:  —how—what would you guess—how much space—is there a half bedroom full of space?   Barbara:  Oh, no, no, no, no.  No, it's not that much.  It's probably five feet by five feet by— Dennis:  Oh, give me a break!  It's much more than that.   Barbara:  It is too.   Dennis:  All the wrapping paper and all the wreaths—I mean the wreaths up there are stacked at least 12 feet high.  (Laughter)   Barbara:  Oh, dear.   Bob:  And you've upped the ante this year at your house, and are hoping that other families will up the ante as well.  You want— Barbara:  I did.   Bob:  —you want to revolutionize Christmas decorating.   Barbara:  I would like to do that.  I have had a desire for 20 years to find ornaments that talk about Christ, ornaments that really are the essence of the season and why we celebrate Christmas.   I've been looking for 20 years.  I'll occasionally find one that has something to do with Jesus or something to do with the manger or you'll see a holy family ornament occasionally; but there just aren't a lot to choose from.  The ones that are there are often cheap.  They're plastic; or they're something inexpensive looking that to me detracts from who God is.  He's the King, He's the Lord; and to make an ornament that is cheap and, frankly, tacky is to take away from who He is.   Bob:  When your reindeer looks better than your nativity scene— Barbara:  Yes, the Jesus ornament.  Yes.   Bob:  —something is wrong.   Barbara:  Something's wrong.   Dennis:  Well, and it's not just the quality; it's also the message that's on the ornaments that hang on trees.  I mean you've got candy canes.  You've got Santa Claus— Barbara:  —and snowmen and reindeer and footballs and cupcakes and—I mean the craft—our local craft store, which is in a lot of stores around town—last year when I was there several times just kind of perusing and getting a feel for what they had, there were probably four or five aisles, floor to ceiling with ornaments; and they were all secular.  There was one section on one aisle that was maybe 12 inches wide that had a few ornaments that were about Jesus—a very, very few.   To look at that, I thought, “This is really telling,” that we have probably—I don't know, a total of how many square feet that would be, but it was a lot of square feet.  It would be a large sized bedroom or more; and that a very tiny, tiny fraction of those ornaments were devoted to the reason we even celebrate Christmas.   Bob:  So, your tree for the last 30 plus years—you guys have been married for 40 years—what has your tree looked like?   Barbara:  Like a lot of other trees.  I mean we have lights, and I have found a few things over the years that are reflective of the Christmas story.  So, we have some stars.  We have a few angels, but we have a lot of balls.  We have a lot of things that the kids have made.  We have a lot of just random ornaments—Christmas trees and other things that really don't have anything to do with Christmas because I haven't been able to find ornaments that are about Christ.   Dennis:  I want to underline what Barbara said earlier, Bob.  I have heard her soapbox about this for the past 20 years.  She would walk into a Hallmark store, Wal-Mart, Hobby Lobby; and she would look at all the ornaments, and she would say, “Where is the King of kings and Lord of lords?  Where is Jesus Christ in all this mass of decorating around Christmas?”   It was ultimately what caused us to get away almost three years ago and begin talking and dreaming about how she could use her artistic ability and design sense that she has—plus her theology and her love for the Scriptures and her love for families to be able to create something that families could use here at Christmas to communicate the truth about God and their experience of God to the next generation.   Bob:  So, how is your tree going to look different this year than it's looked in past years?   Barbara:  Well, this year our tree is going to be decorated with the names of Jesus because we have come out with a set of Adorenaments® this year; and some of our listeners will remember that we had Adorenaments in years past, and they went out of print, so to speak.   We have recreated them this year and plan to recreate them in years to come with more names; but this year, we have a set of seven of Jesus' names.  They are the names we most commonly associate with the Christmas story—so, the names out of the Luke 2 story: Christ the Lord, Savior, and Jesus; and then names out of Isaiah that we also commonly associate with Christmas.  Everyone knows them.  It's Prince of Peace, Mighty God, and Wonderful Counselor; then, we have the name Emmanuel, too.   So, we will have something that talks about Jesus on our Christmas tree for the first time, and I can't wait to cover it with His names.   Bob:  You mentioned that years ago we had developed a set of ornaments called Adorenaments.  What's different about what you've created than what we had before, in case any of our listeners remember the old set of Adorenaments?   Barbara:  Exactly.  The old Adorenaments were also the names of Christ.  They weren't what we are now calling His Christmas names.  It was a different list of His names, but they were designed for toddlers and preschoolers, for young children.  So, they were not breakable.  They were brightly colored, and I remember when those came out—and I thought they were nice.   I liked the concept, but I remember thinking, “My kids are too old for these;” because when they came out, our youngest kids were in elementary school, and our oldest ones were teenagers.  And they were very child centric, child-focused.   So, I wanted to create a set of Adorenaments that would be not focused on toddlers and preschoolers, but that they could handle and not be afraid of breaking them; but that would also be something that teenagers and adults would go, “Wow, those are really beautiful.  I want those on my tree,” and it still had the message of the names of Christ.   Bob:  And when you say these are the names of Jesus, some of our listeners who can't see them—although if they want to go to FamilyLifeToday.com— Barbara:  That's right.   Bob:  —they can see what they look like—but these are carved, metal names. Barbara:  Correct.   Bob:  Right?   Barbara:  Correct.  They're stamped out of metal for a couple of reasons.  One, we wanted something that would last, that would be long-lasting for decades.  We wanted something that wouldn't break, so that a two-year-old can help decorate the tree.   We have twins, grandchildren, who are two years old; and I can imagine Piper and Lilly hanging these ornaments on the tree.  There's no way it can hurt them.  They can't break them, and they can begin to understand that this is the name of Jesus and “I can hang it on the tree as a two-year-old.”  But they are nice enough that kids who are 12 through 18 and adults, families who don't have children, single, men and women, who put up a tree—the idea is that these will span all ages.   So, it is the literal name of Jesus stamped out of metal with a hanger to hang on the tree.   Bob:  The interesting thing is when you walk into a room and the tree dominates the room at Christmastime, so all eyes go to the tree.  It's got lights; they're flashing and all of that.  If your tree is covered with these seven ornaments that display the name of Jesus, it sets a different tone for— Barbara:  Absolutely.   Bob:  —what the tree's all about, doesn't it?   Barbara:  Exactly.  It is the focal point—you're right—in most homes.  What has made me sad for years is that our trees don't tell the story of Christ.  They don't tell the story of Jesus.  And I just started thinking about what would it be like if Christians all over the country and all over the world, in fact, would have the names of Christ on their trees and symbols of what Christmas is all about.   It would be a statement of our faith.  It would be a reminder of why we celebrate.  It would teach us who the Jesus is that we love and serve and want to obey.  It's a way of bringing the truth of Christ into our Christmas celebrations.   Dennis:  And we'll talk more about this later, but each of these names is rich in meaning.  I think, most of us walk past the name Jesus or Savior, or the concept of Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Prince of Peace—we walk by those names and never stop to think about, “Why did God describe His Son in these terms?”   I think what's cool about this, Bob, is that the package that contains all seven names of Christ here, His Christmas names, contains a booklet that you can read aloud even to young children.  It's interesting, we've done this in the past with our grandkids around some of these things Barbara has created, and it works.  They sit and listen.  They really do.   Now, it's not going to last long.  It's not going to last more than five to seven minutes total.   Barbara:  Right.   Dennis:  But it's a chance to take the name, Savior, hold it up, talk about it, read what it says about Savior; and then go hang that name on the tree.  Then, let it be a reminder of why God described His Son with that name.   Bob:  The ornaments you've created are available individually; but as Dennis said, they're also in a box with all seven of them and with the booklet.  So, if somebody got all seven of them and the booklet, how would you imagine them using the booklet?  Would they do it as a part of their decorating of the tree?  Would they go ahead and decorate the tree, then use the booklet during the week?  What would you think?   Barbara:  I think either one of those would work.  I think the two simplest options are— depending on the ages of your kids and their ability to pay attention—but one is to hang all seven names in the evening or over the weekend whenever you do your tree and read the story that goes with each one as that ornament is hung.   The other idea would be to maybe save them until the week right before Christmas and hang one each night for the seven days before Christmas, so that you really can focus on that; and it doesn't get lost in all the other things that are going on, because most of us get our decorating done pretty early after Thanksgiving or sometimes before or in the first week in December.   And sometimes, that last week before Christmas is quieter.  The parties are over.  Kids are out of school and it might be an easier time to actually focus on this if you saved it for that week, but it's flexible.  Families can do it any way they want to—whatever works.   Bob:  And with younger children, if you save it until that last week, they get that sense as they watch a new ornament placed every day—they're counting down the days until Christmas anyway.   Barbara:  Anyway, yes.   Bob:  This helps them count down the days.   Dennis:  Kind of like an— Bob:  Yes.   Dennis:  —advent wreath.  One of the things we did for these resources for families was we wanted to make moms and dads really look good in front of their kids around these holidays.   So, one of the guys who tested one of these resources like this, he said, “I was able to pull out the little booklet that Barbara created, and I was able to read it.”  I think they said they spent about 30 minutes kind of unveiling everything; and he said, “At the end of the time, I was kind of strutting around like, ‘I really did this thing.  I led my family spiritually.'”  Every man wants to do that.  We just don't know how.   Frankly, back when we had children, this was one of the issues for us.  We talked about, “How can we make Christmas more about Jesus Christ?  How can we do that?”  Honestly, Bob, we did our best to read the Bible, to point the kids to the story and talk about Him and talk about the reason for the season; but we weren't able to crack the code.   That's what really excites me about what Barbara's doing here.  She's really setting up the parents to really look good and to be effective as those who are really called to pass on the truth to their children.   Bob:  These ornaments that you've created are just one of a number of resources that you have on your heart to be used around holidays or throughout the year; and as I've observed, it really kind of has three goals.  One is to use the holidays for spiritual benefit.  The second is to make the home reflect both with beauty and with message what the season is all about, and then, to be an equipping tool for you, as Dennis just said, to lead your family spiritually.   Barbara:  Exactly, you nailed it, because that is the essence of what I'm trying to do.  Holidays are natural gathering times for families.  We naturally get together, even if it's just with our nuclear family, around all the holidays; and they happen year after year after year.   I remember, as a mom, wanting to do something that was meaningful on all of the holidays, including Easter and Thanksgiving and Christmas; but I was so busy and I was so tired and I was so overwhelmed that often I remember thinking, “I just don't have the energy to go find something or to create something or to come up with an idea on my own.”   I just didn't have the emotional energy, but I had the desire to make it meaningful.  I had the desire to proclaim the truth during those holiday seasons.  I just didn't have the ability or the energy to do it.   So, that's what's been so fun about creating these—is now I'm in a season in my life where I don't have the kids at home 24/7, and I've got the energy and the time to take that longing that I had as mom, to lead our family in meaningful times together, when we're naturally together anyway—for Dennis and I together to provide that instruction for our children, and I'm excited about being able to create resources for families around the annual holidays that we all celebrate.   Bob:  You have some resources that we're going to be talking more about as we get closer to Easter and toward Lent—things you've developed for that.  But again, the goal is “Let's not just let the culture capture the holidays”— Barbara:  Exactly.   Bob:  —“let's remember what they're all about in the first place,” right?   Barbara:  Exactly.   Dennis:  I'll tell you what I'm excited about: Papa is going to have all seven of these ornaments— Bob:  That would be you, right?   Dennis:  That would be me.   Bob:  Papa for those who don't know— Dennis:  Papa of—and if you've not heard a recent broadcast we now have— Bob:  Get out your scorecard, ladies and gentlemen.   Dennis:  This is going to stun some of our listeners, thinking our kids are rabbits; but we have 19 grandchildren—19 grandchildren.  (Laughter)  I mean unbelievable.   But Papa's going to pull out Barbara's set of the seven Christmas names of Christ; and I'm going to have fun with my grandkids—both pulling them out of the box and hanging them; but also reading what each name means—have a little discussion with the kids because our grandkids, some of them, are getting up there where they can get it.   But even two-year-olds, as Barbara said, they're going to listen; and they're going to sit still because these Adorenaments are shiny, they've got glitter on them, and they won't break.  (Laughter)   Bob:  You know I mentioned that our listeners can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to see all seven names laid out: Jesus Christ the Lord, Emmanuel, Mighty God, Wonderful Counselor, Savior, Prince of Peace.  If they are interested in individual ornaments or if they'd like the entire seven-ornament set, they can order them from us at FamilyLifeToday.com.  Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.  You can order your Adorenaments from us online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  If you have any questions or you'd like to order over the phone, 1-800-358-6329—1-800- “F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY”.   Now, I also want to mention how grateful we are for those of you who help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today.  This broadcast ministry, on air, on the web, the events that we host, the resources we develop—all of this happens because folks like you believe in what we're doing; and from time to time, you get in touch with us and let us know that God has used this program in your life.  If that is the case for you, would you consider making a donation today?   You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone.  And if you make a donation between now and the end of the month, feel free to request a two-CD set that we've put together—conversation with Nancy Leigh DeMoss on the subject of gratitude: How can we cultivate a spirit of gratitude in our own hearts and how can we help our children learn to be more grateful as well?   We talk about that in the CD set, and those CDs are another way we can say thank you to you for your support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today.  We really do appreciate you.   We hope you'll join us back again tomorrow when we're going to continue talking about decking the halls, not with boughs of holly, but with the names of Jesus.  We'll talk about that tomorrow.  I hope you can tune in.   I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.   FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife.  All rights reserved.www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesRebooting Christmas (Part 1) - A Christ-Focused ChristmasRebooting Christmas (Part 2) - Jesus, The Reason We CelebrateFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Jesus: the Reason We Celebrate Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Rebooting Christmas (Day 2 of 2)Air date:                     November 27, 2012   Bob:  Are we getting Christmas right?  Barbara Rainey says, “Maybe not.”   Barbara:  So many people, even if they don't know Christ, they do know that something is not right with the way we celebrate Christmas; they do know that the commercialism and the focus on all the stuff is wrong; they know it's too much; and they don't know why, and they don't know what it is.  So I think that it would be very easy to approach a neighbor and say, “We're really trying, in our family, to make the focus of Christmas about what it's all about.”    I think people will get it even if they don't totally understand it; because I think we all know that it's—the whole system is not quite right.   Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, November 27th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  The Bible says the heavens declare the glory of God.  What if your Christmas tree did the same thing?  We'll talk about that today.   And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.  I almost didn't expect to see you here today.  I thought your wife, Barbara, would be here again, as she is; but I thought maybe you'd still be home unpacking boxes.   Dennis:  Pulling boxes out of the attic, all the ornaments, all the Christmas trappings.   Bob:  ‘Tis the week to decorate the house. Dennis:  Yes, it is.   Barbara:  Yes, except that he doesn't unpack the boxes; he merely carries them into the house.   Bob:  And then goes and turns on the game.   Dennis:  No, no, that's not true.  (Laughter)  We used to have—we used to have some kids to help her; but now, it's just us.  We have— Bob:  Now, it's the old mule.  (Laughter)  Get the old mule out.   Dennis:  As my mom used to say, “The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be.”  (Laughter)  But it is a fun time of the year, and all these trappings of Christmas all carry meaning with them; and that's really what we wanted to talk with listeners about today—is the meaning of Christmas and helping you truly celebrate the reason for the season.   Bob:  One of the reasons that Barbara is here with us is because of some work she's been doing over the last several months on developing resources for families to use at Christmas.  I'm wondering, looking at some of these resources—our listeners know that Thanksgiving has always been your favorite holiday.  I'm just wondering if Christmas is starting to edge in on the competition here.   Barbara:  Well, I wouldn't say it's edging in on the competition as far as the experience.  I still love Thanksgiving because our family is usually around; but I love Christmas because—all of us love Christmas.  I loved Christmas as a child and couldn't wait for Christmas, as a child growing up.   I remember—the interesting memory that I have, or one of the interesting memories that I have as a child, is I remember watching friends of mine who were Catholic who would go to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve; and I used to think, “What do they do?  What are they learning?  What are they hearing?  What am I missing out on?”—because there was something that said to me, “That was meaningful,” and I wanted something meaningful in our Christmas celebration.   We didn't do a lot as a family, and we didn't talk about it a lot.  I remember as a kid longing for that.  I knew there was more to the Christmas celebration that we had in my house growing up as a child than there was.  I mean I kept looking at these other people thinking, “What am I missing?  What else should there be?”   Bob:  It's interesting as you mention that.  I'm thinking back to Christmas as a child where the focus of Christmas on Jesus really only came through in carols we sang or heard on the stereo— Dennis:  Yes, right.   Bob:  —or what might get talked about in church.   Barbara:  Exactly.   Bob:   Other than that, it was mostly presents—that was what I was locked in on— Barbara:  Yes, me too.   Bob:  —or decorations or activities or parties—whatever was going on.  I don't remember a whole lot of spiritual focus in our house growing up.  Was there much in yours?  Dennis:  Not a lot.  In fact, one of the highlights of our Christmas was—and some of our listeners will find this kind of odd—but we used to wrap joke packages.   My mom and I would go upstairs to kind of Santa's workshop.  And on Christmas Eve, my mom and I would get so tickled, we would have tears streaming down our faces at these really dumb gifts that we were wrapping for various members of the family that we would put under the tree.  We would not put a “To: Gary,” my brother, “From: Dennis”.  It wouldn't have any from.  It would say, “From: Santa.”   It was just having fun, but I longed—just like Barbara was talking about—I really longed for those more spiritual moments that you would see sometimes in the movies that surrounded Christmas that did have the carols, the Christmas carols that were being sung about Christ. I know when we became parents, one of the things that we talked a great deal about was how could we as a mom and dad with our six children make Christmas focused upon the birthday celebration of the King of kings and Lord of lords, how God became flesh and dwelt among us.  I'd have to say, Bob, I would give Barbara and me probably a C-minus, maybe a D-plus.  We just didn't find a lot of good ways to do that.   One of the things we had was a nativity set made of olive wood that I had gotten as a single man when I went to Israel back in 1971.  Now, we had that, and the kids would get the baby Jesus out and put Him in the manager on Christmas Eve; but we didn't really have a great way of celebrating the true meaning of Christmas with our kids—and really as a result, didn't do a good job of leading them spiritually around the real meaning of Christmas.   Bob:  Barbara, in volleyball terms, holidays are kind of a set to the spike.  It's like the calendar gives you an opportunity— Barbara:  It does.   Bob:  —as a parent to do something more comfortably than you might otherwise do it—to talk about the birth of Jesus, to talk about His death, burial, and resurrection around Easter.  And Deuteronomy 6 is a clear call to parents to take those naturally-occurring moments in our lives and in our days to engage with our kids around spiritual issues.   Barbara:  Exactly, and I think that this passage in Deuteronomy is a good reminder to all of us as parents, or as grandparents for that matter, that we've all been commanded to teach.  All of us as believers, men and women, we've all been commanded to teach.  It says in there, Moses commanded the people— “These words that I command you today shall be on your heart.”   So, the first place that the truth of Scripture needs to reside is in our hearts.  It starts with us as individuals.  So, moms and dads need to know what they believe, and they need to embrace that faith and that truth of Scripture; but then, he says, “You shall teach them diligently to your children.”  So, it starts with us.  We're the first place where the truth has to reside.  Then, we take that truth, and we teach it to our children.   The problem is most of us as parents don't know how to do that.  We don't know how to take what we believe and what we know and transfer it to our children; but that's the instruction we've been given.  We are to diligently teach our children.   Then it goes on to say, “And you shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”  So, in other words, constantly—in and out of the house, as you go, as you are up awake, and as you're lying down to go to sleep.  It's supposed to be a part of the fiber of your life as a family.   For most of us, one of the opportunities that we have to do that is holidays because holidays are a fiber, an important thread, through all of our lives year after year after year.   Let me finish really quickly the other portion of this verse that I think is really helpful.  It says, in verse 8, “You shall bind them as a sign in your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.”  Then, in verse 9, it says, “You shall write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates.”   So, if you think about these verses, there is a progression from my heart as a mom, my husband's heart as a dad—it starts with us.  Then, we teach it to our children, and we talk about it in our houses.  Then, we put it on our doorposts.  The doorpost is the doorframe around the front door or the back door of your house.  Then, you put it on your gate.   So, there is a progression from me to my kids in my house—the doorpost around my house and the gate that surrounds my house.  So God wants us to take the truth that we own and we possess and we believe and teach it, but also to proclaim it.  We talk a lot at FamilyLife about knowing the truth and experiencing it and applying it, but also proclaiming it.   One of the things that I have a real passion to do is help moms and dads not only teach the truth to their children, but give them ways that they can practically proclaim that truth to their neighbors and their friends and people who come and go in and out of that front door, or in and out of that gate—there will be messages of faith to those who come into your house and go out of your house.   Bob:  We've already talked this week about a new resource that you've developed for Christmas, a new set of Christmas tree ornaments.  We call them Adorenaments® that take seven Christmas names of Jesus, and they are stamped in metal to be hung and displayed on a Christmas tree.   As you're talking about the frontlets of your house and the door-gate, I guess you could hang some of these out there if you wanted to as well; but you could also use these ornaments as gifts to give to neighbors, to teachers, to folks. Barbara:  Exactly.   Bob:  I mean, at Christmastime, we're always looking for some way to meaningfully bless people around us.  These ornaments could be a great way to do that.   Barbara:  Exactly.  It's one of the reasons we've packaged them individually as well as in a set of seven because all of us have people that we want to give something to at Christmas; and most of us who are believers want to give something meaningful.  So, we have individually packaged names of Christ that you can give to a teacher, that you can give to the postman, that you can give to a neighbor.    Let's face it: Most people are more open to hearing the truth about Jesus at Christmas than any other time of the year.  I mean think about it.  We walk into stores that are playing Christmas carols.  The names are on—some of the truths about Jesus are on holiday cards, greeting cards.  So, I think there's a greater receptivity around Christmas to hearing the truth about who Jesus is.   So in these Adorenaments, we're hoping that, not only will families buy them and display them on their own trees or put them on a wreath on your front door or all kinds of other ways you can use them; but that families will also buy some of the individual ones and have an opportunity to share your faith with your neighbor or with someone else by giving them one of the names of Christ.   Dennis:  It occurred to me as Barbara was creating these, Bob—because she has really, for all practical purposes been working on this project for nearly two years.  These are high-quality metal, stamped names with glitter and really a special lacquer and coating on these Adorenaments— I thought, “You're literally going to make it possible, Sweetheart, for someone to take the names of Christ next door to a neighbor and share Him with a neighbor”—perhaps, that you've been trying to think of a way, “How can I talk to my neighbor?”  Taking a plate of cookies by itself is nice and it's certainly sweet; but if you took a plate of cookies and on top of the plate of cookies— Barbara:  Exactly.   Dennis:  —you had one of these names, “Savior”, “Mighty God”, “Prince of Peace”, “Wonderful Counselor”, “Emmanuel”.  “Jesus” is one of the names—one of the Christmas names.   I just think it's going to be a fun way for a lot of people to truly share Christ this Christmas.  Then, double back, maybe before Christmas, maybe after Christmas, it might be a couple of weeks later; you might just double back and say, “What did you think of the ornament I gave you?  That's really the reason why we just celebrated Christmas.”     Our desire is to help families reach out to other family members, friends, associates at work, and make Jesus Christ relevant where they live.   Bob:  Well, even in sharing the ornament with a neighbor, I could see you saying, “You know at our house I've just had a conviction that we need to be more focused on what Christmas is really all about.  That's why I've gotten these for myself, and I thought I'd share them with you.”  That's not threatening.  That's not—you're not— Dennis:  Right.   Bob:  —pressing anything with anybody but you have the opportunity to plant a seed; and who knows how God would use that?    Barbara:  Well, and I think what you just said, Bob, is really true.  I think that so many people, even if they don't know Christ, they do know that something is not right with the way we celebrate Christmas.  They do know that the commercialism and the focus on all the parties and all the stuff is wrong.  They know it's too much.  They don't know why, and they don't know what it is.   So, I think that it would be very easy to approach a neighbor and say, “You know we're really trying to, in our family, make the focus of Christmas about what it's all about.”  I think people will get it even if they don't totally understand it, because I think we all know that it's—the whole system is not quite right.   Bob:  It's not that you can't have a party or have fun at Christmastime.   Barbara:  Exactly.  Exactly.   Bob:  It's the balance issue, and right now, we're so out of balance in one direction— Dennis:  Yes.   Bob:  —when we ought to be out of balance in the other direction.  If anything ought to be highlighted at Christmas, it's not the cookies, right?   Barbara:  Exactly, I totally agree.  That's right.   Dennis:  Well, think about it for a moment.  I was going through an airport here a couple of years ago—and I think I just about had all I could take of everybody saying it's “holidays”—“Happy holidays.”  It's not “Merry Christmas”—you know?  So, I was going through the TSA line; and wherever I would go, I would say, “Merry Christmas.”  Bob:  Kind of loud like that?  Dennis:  Kind of loud like that.  (Laughter)   Bob:  They probably pulled you aside for screening—extra screening.   Dennis:  No.  No, they didn't.  In fact, they got it.  In fact, many of the TSA agents that I went through would smile.  They kind of—it would take them a second to kind of get it.  They would say, “Well, Merry Christmas to you too, Sir.”  I think people really—I think for the most part, Bob, I think they get really weary of how the culture is trying to take the message out of one of the holiest holidays we as followers of Christ celebrate.   What we need to be doing is we need to be finding practical, simple, non-threatening ways—not sounding like we're pious or religious or shoving something down somebody's throat, but simply honor someone and say, “Here's the reason why we celebrate Christmas.  Enjoy this.  It's my gift to you.”    Bob:  Barbara, the ornaments that you've created—and folks need to see them.  They need to go to FamilyLifeToday.com if they want to see what they look like, if you want to order them.  Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com to get a look at all seven of these ornaments--stamped, metal names of Christ: Jesus, Emmanuel, Savior, Christ the Lord, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, and Mighty God.   They are available in a set of seven, or you can buy them as individual ornaments.  Again, you can find out more about them at FamilyLifeToday.com.  And these ornaments are—this is just one project you've been working on.  You've had the holidays in mind: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, the Lenten season before Easter.  You're starting to think about other holidays; but what are some of the other resources you've been working on?   Barbara:  Well, currently, we have a couple of things available.  One is a wreath, and it's a gratitude-focused wreath; but it's not orange.  So, it's not Thanksgiving or fall themed.  It's actually white.  It's made out of vintage paper with Psalms and hymns of praise stamped onto each leaf with just a little tiny bit of glitter; but it's really beautiful.  It's soft, and again, it's one of those “put it on your front door”—it's a statement of your faith.  It's a reminder to be grateful.   It isn't really a seasonal item, even though we designed it with Thanksgiving and fall and our natural inclination to think about gratitude in the month of November; nonetheless, it's not so themed to that holiday that you couldn't use it all year.  So, we have that wreath available.    Then, we also have a nativity.  I know a lot of people who collect nativities, and this is a nativity that's unlike any others I've seen; but it too is not Christmas themed.  In other words, it's not red and green.  It doesn't have a lot of glitter on it; and it's an item that can be kept out all year—again, as a reminder of the birth of Christ and the centrality of that event in our lives as believers.   Bob:  Now, some people are hearing you talk about leaving a nativity scene out all year, and they just go, “Really?  You'd—where in your house would you put a nativity set that you'd leave out all year?”  Barbara:  Well, I think there are a number of places I could put this one.  This one is made out of metal.  It's just the silhouette of Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus.  There's a donkey and a lamb.  The lamb is really sweet.  So, it's just those five pieces.   And because it's metal, I could put it on a table on my screen porch.  I might leave it up on the fireplace mantle.  I might put it on a table or on a bookshelf.  Because it's just the silhouette, you can just glance at it and see in an instant what it's all about.  We all know what the nativity looks like.   Bob:  Alright, there are pictures of this on our website, too, at FamilyLifeToday.com.   Barbara:  Exactly, yes.   Bob:  And I suppose there's a picture of the wreath— Barbara:  Yes.   Bob:  —if folks wanted to see what that looks like as well.  And you're working on stuff that we're going to be talking about for Lent and for Easter, too?   Barbara:  Correct.  We're creating a resource for families to use at Lent.  It's a six- session—kind of a family devotion for lack of a better word, where a family can get together once in the evening or at breakfast or whenever works for your family.  And there are six sort of lessons, one for each week of the six weeks leading up to Easter.  So, that's the Lent product.  And there are a lot more elements on it that we'll get into some other time.   Then, we're doing something for Easter, too.  For Holy Week, a very, very short activity to do every day for the—starting on Palm Sunday and every day leading up until Easter Sunday to help celebrate and prepare for the Resurrection of Christ.   Bob:  Are you getting any time? Are you seeing your wife at all these days?   Dennis:  You know I wish I could put in a complaint.  She works in your area, Bob.  I think I may have a talk with you.   Bob:  Talk to her boss.  (Laughter)   Dennis:  I would have to say this, though.  My wife has never been more motivated than when she was a mom.  I mean when she went after being a mom, she did it all out.  She was going to be the very finest mom in the world; and I have not seen this kind of drive and desire to really help other families in our 40 years of marriage.  She is determined to help create tools that will help moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, be successful in passing truth about God on to the next generation.   It's such a central part of why God designed the family.  Shouldn't we use the holidays and this holiday in specific, Christmas, to be able to pass the reality and the truth of Jesus Christ on to the next generation?   Bob:  Well, and listeners, as I've said, can get a chance to look at all that Barbara has been working on when they go to FamilyLifeToday.com.  First of all, you can see the Adorenaments there; and we've got all seven of them laid out, so you can look at what they look like.  You can also get information on the other resources she is working to develop.   If you'd like to order either a set of Adorenaments or if you'd like to order individual ornaments, they're available when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.  Order from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call toll-free 1-800-358-6329.  That's 1-800- “F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY”.  Really, I should mention that these are not available generally in Christian bookstores or anywhere else online.  You need to come to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.   Now, I should also mention that for many years we have made available a child-friendly nativity set called What God Wants for Christmas® that is designed to be interactive to help kids get into the act of placing Mary and Joseph and the angel and the shepherd and the wise men and the Baby Jesus in the Christmas scene.  And it helps them understand the story.   There is an accompanying poem that can be read aloud; or there is a CD that you can play, so that the kids can hear the story of Jesus' birth as they interact with this nativity scene.   [Audio from What God Wants for Christmas]   Bob:  Well, that's a sample of what's on the CD and a sample of the poem that's included with What God Wants for Christmas; and there is a mysterious box that we call “Box Number Seven” that's in the package and in that box is what God wants for Christmas.  So as you put the nativity scene together, you keep asking the question, “What is it that God wants for Christmas?”  Ultimately, the child gets to discover the real reason why Jesus was born, why He died, and why He was raised again.   If you'd like more information about What God Wants for Christmas, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY.   We celebrated Thanksgiving last week, but we should not be done with thanksgiving just because the holiday is past.  Gratitude is something that ought to be characteristic of all of us.   And recently we had an opportunity to sit down and talk with Nancy Leigh DeMoss, who has written a book called Choosing Gratitude.  We explored that subject with her, and we have two audio CDs that feature almost two hours of conversation with Nancy on this subject.  We're making those CDs available this month for those of you are able to help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation.  We are grateful for your support.   When you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, “I CARE,” and make an online donation; or call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone.  We really appreciate your partnership with us, and that's why we want to say thank you by making available these audio CDs.   You can request them online or ask for them when you make a donation by phone; and just know that we are grateful to you for your partnership with us here in the ministry of FamilyLife Today.   We hope you can join us back tomorrow.  Barbara Rainey is going to be interacting with a group of young moms about how you mold and shape the next generation.  We'll get a chance to listen in tomorrow.  I hope you can be back for that.   I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.   FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife.  All rights reserved.www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesHow Pinterest Stole Christmas (Part 1) - Putting Christ FirstHow Pinterest Stole Christmas (Part 2) - Making Jesus Our FocusFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Putting Christ First Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       How Pinterest Stole Christmas (Day 1 of 2)Air date:                     December 1, 2014     Bob: Let's be honest. The Christmas season can be overwhelming; can't it? Barbara Rainey remembers, as she was raising her children, all of the expectations she placed on herself—expectations about gift-giving. Barbara: I wanted to say, “Thank you,” to the people that delivered our mail. I wanted to say, “Thank you,” to their piano teacher, and the list went on and on. I was imposing a standard on myself—and it was probably all skewed up and all wrong. I was, at some level, looking for affirmation from people; or, at some level, I was probably looking for someone to give me a pat on the back that I was the best mom in the world—I don't know. So, I'm often my worst enemy. I think a lot of women are like that. We're often our own worst enemy. We have expectations of ourself that God does not have of us. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, December 1st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We'll talk today about making the holiday season a little more manageable.  1:00 It all starts by having your priorities straight. Stay tuned. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, you get to the end of the Thanksgiving celebration—the weekend is over—and you feel like, [big sigh] “I can take a breath.” Dennis: And then you turn the calendar— Bob: That's right! Dennis: --and it's upon you—the Christmas rush! Bob: “I can't stop for anything!”  Dennis: It would be interesting to have a stress meter, especially on young moms who are really trying to make Christmas the holiday of holidays during the year. Bob: Maybe it's an Ever Thine Home® product you can create—a stress meter. [Laughter] Dennis: Barbara joins us on FamilyLife Today. Welcome back to the broadcast, Sweetheart. Barbara: Thanks. Glad to be here. Bob: This season of the year—Thanksgiving/Christmas—this is your favorite time of the year. Barbara: It is. Bob: And it's also a time of the year that you always dread. Barbara: It's the craziest; yes. 2:00 Bob: For most moms, they feel a burden during this season to want to pull off a great family holiday thing. That burden can just punch them in the gut; can't it? Barbara: Well, it makes it impossible. It's truly impossible to create the kind of Christmas that can be imagined. Most moms and women imagine creating something that's truly memorable, and it's meaningful, and it touches our lives. We get up in the morning—we're full of energy—we play carols, and we bake cookies, and we take them to our neighbors. We do something for the postman and for all the teachers. We just have a desire to do all of that, and it's just overwhelming. I ended up, every year, feeling like a failure in so many ways. Bob: And now you're blaming Pinterest® for the whole thing; right? Barbara: Well, I didn't—I just stop and think, “What would it have been like had I had Pinterest?”— 3:00 —because I'm thinking it was bad enough with my own expectations that I put on myself to make Christmas memorable for my kids and to do all these things that, in my mind, would communicate love to all these people in our lives. If I had had Pinterest, I don't know what would have happened to me—I would have had a nervous breakdown—I don't know. Dennis: A million of your closest friends would have taken their images of what they're doing, and you would have compared what you're doing unfavorably. Barbara: Oh, for sure I would have. Of course, I would have because all women do that—we always are comparing our homes, and our kids, and our clothes, and our yards, and our everything with other women. From a distance, we always fall short—so, at Christmas, it's no different.  I would have gotten on Pinterest, ostensibly, to look for some really cool ideas because there are recipes, and decorating ideas, and crafts—you name it—it's on Pinterest. I would have gotten on, looking for those things, thinking, “This is going to help me,” when, in fact, it probably would have squashed me and killed me. 4:00 Dennis: So, you've taken all of your theological background/your gift in art, and you have designed something else for moms to do? Barbara: Well, the reason—yes, I have. [Laughter] Yes, now that you put it that way. But here's the deal—I think what we women—because it's not just young moms / because I feel the same thing today, although to a lesser degree, because I don't have kids—but I think what we women want to do is: We feel a desire, and I think it's a good desire, to make the holidays—our Christian holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter—to make them meaningful because we know that there is great, deep, eternal meaning in the incarnation of Christ and His resurrection at Easter. So, because we know that, we think: “Okay, if I bake all these cookies…” or “If I give all these gifts…” or “If I decorate my house so that it's really, really special with lots of lights, it will make it meaningful.”  5:00 Obviously, it is different from our everyday, normal routine. But you can't find meaning in the superficial. I think we get confused, as women, thinking that adding all these things—these exterior things—is going to impart meaning / it's going to make something special. Well, maybe it does make it special, at a certain level; but it doesn't connect us to the eternal. I think that's what we're longing for in our hearts—is to be connected to the eternal. Bob: When we were raising our kids, we'd come to this season of the year—and here were the things that we kind of had to juggle—we had family traditions that really had no spiritual significance at all. Barbara: Yes—but we don't want to let them go. Bob: No.  Barbara: “We can't give up Mom's cookie recipe or Grandma's whatever.” Bob: For us—fajitas on Christmas Eve were a big deal. Barbara: That's right. Bob: Now, you get nothing spiritual out of fajitas; but that was important. Dennis: Yes—now wait a second. [Laughter] That's an important part of the holiday. 6:00 Bob: Then we had all of the kids' school stuff going on—whether it's a Christmas pageant, or the church cantata, or those things. Then we had all of the business or social—the small group Christmas party, the FamilyLife Christmas party that's going on, the teen Christmas party—so we had all of that happening. By the time you loaded everything into the schedule, the opportunity to do anything meaningful and spiritual with the family—there was just no time left. Barbara: And it's not just time—there's no energy left. There's no emotional energy or the ability to infuse it with life. I think we get so depleted, emotionally and spiritually, because we're investing so much in these activities and in these physical manifestations of our celebration. 7:00 Dennis: And what I wish our listeners had some idea of—is the amount of time Barbara has prayed, worked, and labored over these resources to teach your children to make Christ the center of the Christmas holidays—just to see the care she has gone to, not only in the beautiful artistic design, but in the research that is done. Some of our listeners know that a couple years ago you started designing Adorenaments® as a way to make the Christmas tree declare Christ. Barbara: Right. Dennis: Adorenaments were the names of Christ. The first year, it was the Christmas names; and then the second year were His royal names. Our listeners have responded. We get comments, all the time, from people coming up, saying, “You've helped us put Christ back into Christmas and have turned our Christmas tree into a tool to declare Christ to our friends, our family members, our neighbors.”  8:00 Now, this year, you've taken it another step further. You've created a third set of seven Adorenaments that declare His Savior names. Explain why you chose the Savior names. Barbara: Well, you can't separate Christmas from Easter because, when Jesus came to earth, He was born to die. We don't think about that at Christmas—we like the sweet baby in the manger, we like the angels, we like all the things that have been woven into the story that make us feel really good—but we have to remember that He didn't come just to make us feel good. He came to redeem us, and that redemption meant His life. It meant He had to suffer and die on the cross for us in order to purchase us back to a relationship with Him and the Father.  So, while I was really excited about doing Jesus' Christmas names, which are the names from Isaiah and the Luke story in Luke— 9:00 —and while I loved doing His royal names, which are the names etched into crowns like King of kings and Lord of lords and Lion of Judah—there is something about the Savior names that are indispensable in understanding who Christ is. I'm really excited about His Savior names this year because there are seven of His names that represent His salvation work for us. Each one is on a different shape of a cross—so even though we don't tend to associate the cross with Christmas—they have to go together. So, as a family, one of the things that you can do to impart that meaning / those moments of spiritual depth or discussion in your family is to talk about the names of Christ, during the month of December, as you're hanging your tree. Or you could read the little book as part of devotions or before school. There are a host of different ways you can do it.  10:00 I think what women are longing for—in all of the things that they see on Pinterest, and the things that they see in magazines, and that they talk about with their friends—is they want that meaning. They want to put Christ back in Christmas. They just don't know how to do that. Bob: Dennis talked about the prayer that you put into this and the hours that you've worked on this. You really had, as I see it, two objectives in mind. One was that you wanted to give moms and dads something that—as you said, they're exhausted / they're overwhelmed—this is something that they don't have to spend a lot of time preparing for. Barbara: That's right. Bob: It's kind of a turn-key spiritual opportunity for the family that's already built into activity you're going to be doing. Barbara: That's right. Bob: You're going to be trimming the Christmas tree—so here's a way to bring some spiritual sense to what you're doing. And then you wanted it to be really pretty. You wanted it—[Laughter] Barbara: Bob, you know me well, now! Yes, I wanted it to be very pretty. 11:00 Bob: And I have to tell you—I have really thought the ornaments in past years were beautiful—these are my favorites—the ones you've done this year. You've said they're crosses, but they're just really elegant-looking. I love what you've done with the ornaments in this year. Barbara: Well, thanks, I appreciate that. I'm encouraged to hear you say that, but I'm hearing that from lots and lots of people. Everyone who sees them says, “They're my favorite.” I think it's because we know and understand that the cross is central to our faith. So, when we see the cross done beautifully, it elevates and adds elegance to the truth of the Scripture. I just think that helps us worship because God is a beautiful God. Bob: And we should just say—if folks are interested in seeing—because it's hard to describe these on radio—but folks can go to EverThineHome.com and they can see exactly what we're talking about. They can see the ornaments and how they're available. Part of what you're hoping is—that when they come down from the Christmas tree, they'll get put back up around the home a few months later; right? 12:00 Barbara: Yes. We're actually creating some stands. You can purchase, if you want to, a set of three stands. You can take your favorite three crosses and put them on the stands, and put them on a shelf or on your fireplace mantel, and leave them up all year long. Dennis: And I'm going to add my voice to both of you and say this is my favorite too. The reason is, they're not only beautiful, but the names are powerful names. Every time I think about what you've done, Sweetheart, I think about—I really do—I think about this a lot—from Philippians 2, it says, “Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him”—that's Jesus—“the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”  13:00 The name of Jesus is really important—it tells us about the God-Man. It tells us what He came to do. The thing that really is—I just think is really fun about this is—you've not just chosen any cross—you've chosen seven crosses from distinct periods of history, and many of them are from different continents. Barbara: As I started looking at the different kinds of cross shapes, I realized that there are different crosses from different cultures. For instance, one of the crosses that I ended up using is called the Coptic cross. The Coptic cross is and has been used by the Coptic Christians, who live in Egypt, for almost since the time of Christ. It's been around for centuries, and it has a distinct shape—it's always been that shape—and that's a symbol, to them, of their faith in Christ. There's also the Ethiopian cross, which is also a part of that culture and has been a part of that culture for centuries.  14:00 It was fun to find these different historical crosses because I think it reminds us that Christianity is an international faith—it's not just an American western faith—we get so narrow in our thinking. These crosses open our eyes to see that there are people, all around the world, who believe in Christ and who follow Him. They have different symbols—all forms of the cross—and we can be united around that. Bob: So, the devotional book that comes with the set of seven, not only talks about the name that is on the cross, but it also talks about the design of the cross and gives parents an opportunity, with their kids, to talk about the attributes of Jesus—but also to talk about the universality of the Christian faith—and the fact that we have brothers and sisters who live in Egypt, and who live in Ethiopia, and who live in places, all around the world, and worship the Savior. 15:00 Barbara: Right. I just think: “What a wonderful opportunity for families to be able to talk about these things,” because that's essentially what I longed for when I was a mom, raising our kids—when Dennis and I were parenting, full-time. I wanted something that would help me communicate biblical truth to my kids at Christmas, and I couldn't find anything.  We read the Luke 2 story. Sometimes, our kids acted it out; but I just wanted more than that. That's a part of the reason that I'm really excited about this because moms can look at all the things on their list—they can look at the cookies, and the Christmas cards, and the gifts, and all of that stuff—and decide, “What is really most important?” If at the top of your list, you say, “Teaching my kids about Christ in the month of December,” some of those other things on your list might have to go. In the long run, if you teach your kids about Christ at Christmas—if you read the stories of His names—His Savior names, or His Christmas names, or His royal names—you will have done the most important thing in the month of December.  16:00 If you don't get the cookies done, no one's going to remember. If you don't get that last whatever, nobody's going to really remember. But your kids might remember some of what they heard about Jesus, and that's worth more than any of the traditions you're trying to keep. Bob: So, if you're sitting down with a young mom, and she's saying, “I'm already starting to feel overwhelmed by the season,”— Barbara: And they are. Bob: —you would coach her to kind of list the priorities and figure out: “What are the essential ones?” and “What are the ones you can throw overboard if you need to?” Barbara: Yes. It's like my friend, Lysa TerKeurst, says in her book, The Best Yes, it's: “What is the most important? What are the things that would please God the most?” Learning about Him is going to be the most important thing—that's going to be the activity or the event that is going to be the most lasting in your family. So, you put those things that are the most important at the top. You make sure those happen, even if some of the other things that you really care about, emotionally—like making Mom's Christmas cookies or whatever it is that you care about emotionally— 17:00 —those things you say, “Okay, God, I'm willing to let those go.” Bob: But it could be that the kids, in terms of what they're begging you for, is not “Let's sit down and do devotions around the names of Jesus.” It's, “Let's make the Christmas cookies.” Barbara: But there are things that moms put on their list that their kids aren't begging for because, see, one of the things I like so much about Lysa's book is—she said, “I'm often my own worst enemy.” There were lots of things that were on my list that my kids weren't begging me for. Bob: Like what? Barbara: Well, I mentioned, earlier, taking gifts to all these people. Why I felt like I needed to do that I don't know, but I wanted to take some kind of meaningful gift to all of my kids' teachers. We had six—so we had a lot of teachers. I wanted to say, “Thank you,” to the people that delivered our mail. I wanted to say, “Thank you,” to their piano teacher—the list went on and on. I was imposing a standard on myself, and it was probably all skewed up and all wrong. 18:00 I was, at some level, looking for affirmation from people; or, at some level, I was probably looking for someone to give me a pat on the back that I was the best mom in the world—I don't know. I just know that I was putting expectations on myself—I was putting them on myself. My husband wasn't putting them on me. My kids weren't saying, “Oh, Mom, we have to take gifts to all these people.” They were saying, “We've got to make Grandma's cookies,” but they weren't saying all those other things. So, I'm often my own worst enemy. I think a lot of women are like that—we're often our own worst enemy. We have expectations of ourself that God does not have of us. Bob: Today, you just send the kids to school with some ornaments that they've gotten— Barbara: I would. I would, absolutely I would. I would give them each an ornament. I would buy a set of seven—and I would divide that set up—and I would put it in a card or something. That's another reason why I have done these ornaments is because they make great gifts. Dennis: What I would want a mom to hear—in fact, I would charge the moms, who are listening:  19:00 “You need to decide what really matters and what really counts. It doesn't matter if it made your kids' top ten list or not.” Bob: Yes. Dennis: If you have a sense of wanting to pass on spiritual truth and guide them in making discoveries about Jesus Christ, and helping your husband look good, because what you can do is—give him this book, which is called A Son is Given. It has all the information about all seven of the crosses. You can read this in less than five minutes. This is not some lengthy theological education, but you can make a big deal out of these seven this year.  For those who have the previous two sets of seven—the Christmas names and the royal names—if you wanted to—now again, I'm not trying to heap this on anybody—but if you wanted to, you could take 21 days, throughout the month of December, and begin the process of making your tree declare the One who made Christmas famous and giving your kids an introduction to Him.  20:00 We've actually had kids come to faith in Christ through the discussion that occurs around what these Adorenaments mean. Barbara: If you do have the previous sets, and you have read the book to your children, chances are they're not going to remember a tenth of it. So, you might as well read it again. Then that rereading every year can become a new tradition that's a very meaningful tradition—that will make a lasting impact on your kids' lives. Dennis: When we celebrate the names of Christ, increasingly, as I grow older, His name is above every name, and His name will be the name that causes every knee to bow. So, why not go ahead and introduce your kids to Christ? Maybe they will trust Him as Savior/Redeemer— Barbara: This Christmas. Dennis: —yes, this Christmas. 21:00 Bob: Again, I think the best thing for listeners to do is to see what we've been talking about. Go to EverThineHome.com—EverThineHome.com—and you can see all seven of the new ornaments that Barbara has designed—the new Adorenaments that are His Savior names. You can also see His Christmas names and His royal names from past years and other resources that Barbara has been designing for Christmas. Again, the website is EverThineHome.com.  I know a lot of people today are doing some internet shopping because this is—what do they call it?—Cyber Monday; right? Our team put some specials together, over at FamilyLifeToday.com. If you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and you click the button in the upper left-hand corner, that says, “GO DEEPER,” you'll see a box for the Cyber Monday event. I think some of the Adorenaments are included in the Cyber Monday sale.  22:00 So, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the Cyber Monday event. You can also find out more about the Adorenaments at FamilyLifeToday.com or, online, at EverThineHome.com. Now, as we've talked today about getting your priorities in alignment during the Christmas season, I hope that you will consider one of your priorities, between now and the end of the year, just asking the Lord to direct your steps as it relates to yearend giving. I know for Mary Ann and me, one of the things we do, during the month of December, is we spend time reflecting on how God has been at work in our lives over the last 12 months. We often make yearend donations to ministries that God has used in a significant way to encourage us, or to equip us, or to help us grow in the previous 12 months.  If FamilyLife Today is one of those ministries, can we ask you to consider making a yearend contribution in support of all we're doing here?  23:00 The month of December is a significant month for us. In fact, more than half the money we need to operate, as a ministry, comes in during the month of December. So, this month determines a lot about what ministry is going to look like in the next 12 months for us. We've had some friends of the ministry who are aware of that dynamic. They came to us recently and said: “We'd like to provide matching funds. We will match every donation that comes in, during the month of December, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $2,000,000.” Of course, we want to do all we can do, as a ministry, to try to take full advantage of their generosity and of this matching-gift fund. Would you consider going to our website today? Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button in the upper right-hand corner. You can make an online donation that way. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make the donation over the phone.  24:00 Or if you'd like to mail your donation to us, our mailing address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. Let me just say, “Thanks,” in advance, for whatever you're able to do in support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today during the month of December. And I hope you can join us back tomorrow. Barbara Rainey will be here again. We'll continue talking about how you can have the right priorities during the holiday season. Hope you can be here for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesHow Pinterest Stole Christmas (Part 1) - Putting Christ FirstHow Pinterest Stole Christmas (Part 2) - Making Jesus Our FocusFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Making Jesus Our Focus Guest:                        Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       How Pinterest Stole Christmas (Day 2 of 2)Air date:                     December 2, 2014  Bob: When you get to December 26th, and you look back on the last couple of weeks, how will you determine whether the time leading up to Christmas was a success? Barbara Rainey says you've got to have your priorities right. Barbara: Moms can look at all the things on their list—they can look at the cookies, and the Christmas cards, and the gifts, and all of that stuff—and decide, “What is really most important?” If, at the top of your list, you say, “Teaching my kids about Christ in the month of December,” some of those other things on your list might have to go. If you don't get the cookies done, no one's going to remember; but your kids might remember some of what they heard about Jesus. That's worth more than any of the traditions you're trying to keep. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, December 2nd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We want to do what we can do today to help out so that, when you do get to December 26th, you can look back and say, “That was a good Christmas season.”  Stay tuned. 1:00 Bob: And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. So, is it true that you moved, years ago, out to the end of a street so you wouldn't have to put up lights on your—[Laughter] That's what I was told—you said, “I want to be where I don't have to go through that every year.” Dennis: We moved into the country, just over the hill—[Laughter] —so no one drives by our house.  Bob: We do have your wife, Barbara, joining us again on FamilyLife Today. Barbara, welcome to FamilyLife Today. Barbara: Thanks—Bob.  Bob: We're glad you're joining us this week because we want to talk about how overwhelming Christmas can be / the holiday season can be—particularly, for moms—particularly, when you have kids of all ages with all kinds of priorities of their own.  2:00 This is a season of the year where, not only are the activities highlighted, but you've got an objective around trying to get ready for the big day that includes buying presents and decorating the home. Decorating the home is something that—I've been in your home at Christmas. Dennis: Oh, my! Oh, yes—in fact, here's what happens. [Laughter] About the first of November, she says, “I think I want you to go to the attic and pull down all of the boxes.” Barbara: That is not true! Dennis: Now this takes a small, load-bearing piece of equipment called a “husband” to go get the boxes. Bob: Yes. Dennis: It's a piece of work at our place. Bob: And the transformation of your home into Christmas mode—is it a full-day job to get the decorating done?  Barbara: Well, yes. If I started in the morning and went all day, it probably would; but I don't stay that focused, so it's pieces of several days. Bob: So, for pieces of several days, you are going to be consumed for part of that with decorating the house.  3:00 Were you doing this when the kids were little?  Barbara: Yes. Bob: How did you do it?! Barbara: I let other things go because it was more important to me than other things. Bob: What was important? Why were you decorating the house? Barbara: I think the reason—and I did this when I was a kid too—my mother, bless her heart, was very, very generous with allowing me to express my creativity and my artistic vision for what our house should look like. She let me decorate our house when I was a kid. I set up a card table in my bedroom. I was the gift-wrapping queen of the whole house—I wrapped my own gifts / I wrapped gifts for everybody else because I wanted it to be magical—I wanted it to be beautiful. I just had this vision of what it should be like. Bob: Now, you're decorating everybody's house—that's what you're doing! [Laughter] This whole—all of these resources you've been working on in Ever Thine Home®—you just want to decorate everybody's house in the world; don't you? 4:00 Barbara: No, I really don't want to decorate everybody else's house. [Laughter] I want everybody's Christmas trees—people who are putting up Christmas trees—and I realize not everybody puts up a Christmas tree—but for those who do—I think our Christmas trees should be about Christ. That's really what I want. Bob: Over the last three years, you have created ornaments to put on Christmas trees. We call them Adorenaments®. The first year, you put out a set of seven ornaments that were all about the Christmas names of Christ—  Barbara: Yes. Bob: —from Luke, Chapter 2, and from Isaiah, Chapter 9. Then, last year, the royal names. Those were the shapes of crowns. Barbara: Correct. Bob: And you've got a third set of ornaments / seven ornaments this year. These are the Savior names. Where did you come up with the list of seven Savior names? Barbara: You know, choosing seven is tough because there are some that can go both ways. Bob: Right. Barbara: But I just started—as I've been reading through the Bible, every time I see a name of Christ, whether in the Old Testament or in the New, I've just got this running list—I've been throwing them on there.  5:00 Then I'll look at it and kind of go, “Okay, which ones are…?”—anyway, I've just kind of created these categories. Bob: “Which ones are grouped together?”—is that what you're doing? Barbara: Yes, I'm just grouping the names that I'm finding together by topic. So, for instance, last year—His royal names: King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Lion of Judah, and Son of David. Those are about His rulership. Those are about His royalty / His dominion that He has and will have. All of those made sense to go together as a group. This year, the names include “Anointed One.” Jesus was anointed and set apart, from before time began, to be our Savior—to die for us. Another name that is a Savior name is “Chief Cornerstone.” That's a name that talks about His place as the foundation of the Christian faith and the foundation of our lives, as believers.  6:00 Another Savior name is “Great High Priest.” I love “Great High Priest” because—if you know anything about Jewish history / you know anything about the nation of Israel—for centuries, there was a great high priest who went into the temple and made sacrifices—year after year, after year, after year, after year—it was never enough. So, when Jesus came, He came as our Great High Priest—He sacrificed His life for us, once for all. One of my favorite phrases in Scripture is “once for all”—I absolutely love it! Another name is “Lamb of God.” This is a phrase that many of us also recognize and really understand about Jesus. John the Baptist said that of Jesus. When he saw Him, he said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.” John recognized that Jesus was, not only the Great High Priest, but He, in His body, was the actual sacrifice—the sacrificial lamb—on our behalf. So, “Lamb of God” is another Savior name. 7:00 Another one is “Mediator.” That's probably a name that's not as commonly recognized by believers—maybe, I'm assuming something that's not true; but it wasn't one that was especially familiar to me—but “Mediator.” We understand the concept of mediator: When kids get into a fight on the playground, usually a teacher or an aide has to help resolve the problem. Adults get into arguments and they have to have a judge or a lawyer—I mean, we're all cognizant of the term “mediator” and what it means.Well, that's what Jesus did for us—He mediated. He came to be the go-between between us and His Father. So “Mediator” is another Savior name. Then there's “Messiah.” Messiah is the Jewish name for Savior. I love thinking about Jesus as my Messiah—not just as my Savior—but as my Messiah because He died for His people, but also for us, as Gentiles. So, Messiah is one.8:00 And, then, the last one of the seven is “Redeemer.” Redeemer is a word that's used throughout Scripture to talk about purchasing us back. It's really a strong word. In the book of Ruth—the story of Ruth—the redeemer was a key part of that story. Jesus came to be our redeemer—to purchase us back from our broken, fallen state that we can't get out of on our own. He came to fix it so that we could, then, be brought back to the Father. Dennis: And, Bob, the thing I love about these names is that they're all on a wooden plaque, on unique crosses from history. For instance, Redeemer is on a Celtic cross from Ireland. It has a circle that encompasses the cross, which has significance to the country of Ireland and some of their spiritual ancestry there. 9:00 “Messiah” is on a cross that's my favorite out of all of them. It's an anchor cross. I have to read—you know, all of these Adorenaments come with a book that give you a devotional to read each day that takes three or four minutes to read the whole thing. The anchor cross says this: “The anchor cross has symbolized hope since the early days of the church. Hebrews 6: 19-20 tells us, ‘We have this a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place where Jesus has gone on our behalf.' As an anchor holds a ship in place, so the anchor of Christ's work as Messiah holds us steady in the winds of life. This hope does not disappoint.” I just think, “How cool it is that—throughout history, there was a cross in the shape of an anchor.” 10:00 “Mediator” is the St. Thomas cross—cool cross that has a dove coming in from the top. The “Lamb of God” is the Jerusalem cross. As you were sharing about that a moment ago, Barbara, I thought, “It's significant that the Lamb of God came to Jerusalem because that's where they sacrificed the lambs in the Holy of Holies on behalf of the sin of the people on an annual basis.” The last three are: The “Great High Priest” is the Ethiopian cross; the “Chief Cornerstone” is the Coptic cross; and the “Anointed One” is the trefoil cross. Bob: And if people want to see these different cross designs and the Adorenaments, they can go to EverThineHome.com. They're on display there. Of course, you can order from the website if you want.  I'm just curious—because I've been to your home. On the front table, at Christmas, there's usually a little stand that's got a 45 record there; right? Do you know what I'm talking about? Barbara: Yes, I do. I'm impressed that you remember those details. 11:00 Bob: It is red vinyl. I can't remember if it's Rockin' around the Christmas Tree or something like that. Barbara: Actually, it's probably The First Noel.  Bob: Okay; but you have, decorating your home, snowmen, and snowflakes, and— Barbara: Actually, I used to.  Bob: Yes, I've seen it change over the years. Barbara: Yes, it has changed over the years. I used to have snowmen, and I used to have some Santas around—I used to have some of those things. I think it's because I couldn't find anything else. I just kind of went along with what was available. I had a little snowman collection that I put up—I had some of those things. Really and truly, there's absolutely nothing wrong with all of that. I don't want anybody to feel guilty if you've got Santas and snowmen because there's really nothing wrong with it; but I really wanted more, and I just couldn't find anything else. I still put that little red vinyl record up because it is a record from my childhood. We used to play those things—my brothers and I—over and over again. The side that says, The First Noel, I prop up and I put that one up because it is about Christ.  12:00 I'm changing in these years of my life to making our home more focused on Christ at Christmas and less on the traditional things that populate all of the stores, and all of the malls, and all of the airwaves, even for that matter. Bob: We have some ornaments at our house—I don't remember how old this one is—but it's Snoopy on top of a Christmas present, hanging on the tree. We've had it for years. It's kind of one of those heirloom-type ornaments, at this point. Are you still putting stuff like that on your Christmas tree? Barbara: I'm not because most of the ornaments that were like that—that we had—were my kids'.  Bob: You dispersed them. Barbara: Each of my kids, when they left home and had their own homes, I boxed up their ornaments and gave them their ornaments. So, for just Dennis and me, I don't put them on the tree. I still have them, and I'll probably give the ones that are left to my children.  13:00 But I mean, there are so many people who put up multiple Christmas trees—that it's really easy to have a tree with all of your sentimental ornaments—the ones that you've inherited, or the ones like the Snoopy, or whatever—and then to have a tree that focuses on Christ. I have a really good friend, here at the ministry—when his wife saw the new ornaments and the star that we've created this year to go on the top that says, “I am the bright morning star”—which I absolutely love—and the garland that says the same thing—and she saw all of that and she said: “I want a tree about Jesus this year. I want all of this stuff on my tree.” They're still going to put their kids' ornaments on a tree in another room. Bob: So, they're doing two trees? Barbara: Yes. Bob: So, you've just added difficulty to the whole thing! [Laughter] Now we've got to have two trees! Barbara: Okay—okay, okay! Well, there are a lot of people who do multiple trees already anyway; so I'm not adding for a lot of people—that's normative. Bob: Well, I want to tell you that Mary Ann was really excited about the tree topper—about the star. Barbara: Oh, was she? That's encouraging.  Bob: Yes. I mean, we've had an angel at the top of our tree before—  Barbara: Yes. Bob: —and there's nothing wrong, again, with an angel at the top of the tree. Barbara: Right; sure. 14:00 Bob: But the star is just the perfect topper. She was really excited and loved that you have added that to the collection. Barbara: Well, thanks. And I have loved it, too, because I've just—for a long time—I have loved that verse in Revelation, where He says, “I am the bright and morning star.” I just thought: “A star lit the way to the manger for the wise men—the star is—and He is the star. It's like: ‘That is what needs to be at the top of the tree.'” I wanted one at the top of my tree. I couldn't find one—so we made one. Bob: What about—are your kids—are they turning their homes into the same kind of a Jesus-centered approach to Christmas or are they co-mingling? Barbara: They're co-mingling. They're not doing it as exclusively as I am but, when I've been to their homes, they have their ornaments that they're kids are collecting or that their kids made at school—you know, the little paper plates with their picture in the middle. They've got all of that stuff on their tree.  15:00 And they have the Christmas names, and the royal names, and they will have the crosses on their trees this year. Bob: Well, they'd better if they want any presents from Mom and Dad. [Laughter] They know where their—[Laughter] Barbara: Exactly. [Laughter] Dennis: Well, Barbara has made it easy for families to be able to include these in your traditions. You've got some pointers at the beginning of the little devotional about what to do with elementary-aged children—to pull the name out / talk about the name with the children—maybe consider memorizing a passage of Scripture that's in the devotional book. Barbara: And here's another reason why I think it's so important to do this. It's not just to make Jesus the center of your Christmas celebration, although that is reason enough. Every Christmas—I remember, when our kids were growing up—not only did we have extra stress because of the parties and all of the stuff that we add to our lives in the month of December—but we also had more issues with selfishness because Christmas, and Santa Claus, and all of that stuff feeds our innate selfishness.  16:00 So, not only do we have these pressures and these stresses, but we've also got a whole lot more selfishness going on—at least, it seemed that way at our house. And so, to be able to talk to our children about why we need Jesus, as our Savior, at Christmas—because we're being selfish, and we're thinking about ourselves, and we're thinking about what we want and what we're going to get—we're not thinking about giving / we're not thinking about Jesus. It's a prime teaching opportunity for moms and dads. Bob: Were there other things you did when your kids were growing up to try to give them an others-centeredness at Christmas time? Barbara: Yes. One of the things that I remember from my own childhood, vividly, is that my brothers and I would get the Sears Roebuck catalog that came in the mail, which was about three or four inches thick.  Bob: I remember, yes. Barbara: We would spend hours poring over it and marking pages: “I want this," and “I want this.” I'm sure it kept us occupied, and my mother didn't mind that for a while; but what it did was it fed this selfishness that Christmas is all about me. It was all about what I was going to get—I couldn't wait to get my presents.  17:00 It just fed a side of me that I didn't like when I got to be an adult. I was going, “This is not right.” I realized, after I had become a Christian—that this focus on me and what I wanted was not what God wanted for me. So, when our children were little, Dennis and I decided that we wanted to try to kind of shift that a little bit. We taught our children to—I didn't let them look through the big catalogs, for one, because I knew that would just feed their selfishness—but we also made it a focus to teach our kids to think about gifts they could give to their siblings, and/or their grandparents, and/or us—but, specifically, for their siblings because that's the hardest relationship anyway.  We taught them to think about what they could give to their brothers and sisters rather than what they were going to get. Of course, Dennis and I had to help them buy for each other or make something for each other, which can be fraught with problems too; but, nonetheless, that was a goal for us.  18:00 So then, on Christmas morning, instead of everybody rushing into the living room and pulling everything out from under the tree and a free-for-all—  Dennis: —that has their name on it and kind of pull it over in the corner in a stash. Barbara: Yes, and you just have this present-fest, so to speak—you're tearing into it—and it's all about, “What am I going to get?”  We had our kids go and get all of the gifts under the tree that they bought for someone else. Ashley got the pile of the things that she got for her siblings, and Benjamin did the same, and Samuel did the same. And then we took turns giving gifts. If Ashley was the first one to give, she would decide which gift she wanted to give to which one of her siblings. We all watched so that the focus was on that person and what that person got—we all celebrated what that person got. Then it was their turn to give. So, if she gave to Samuel, it was Samuel's turn to pick out a gift and decide who he wanted to give to next.  19:00 Part of the fun of that is that it helped them not think as much about themselves. It really trained them to think about giving. The other fun benefit—that Dennis and I, neither one thought about on the front-end—is that it made Christmas last for hours. Bob: Yes. Barbara: Instead of it being over in a flurry—in 15 minutes of paper flying through the air and you're done—we sometimes didn't finish until noon. Dennis: Yes, and I remember one time it didn't finish for a couple of days. [Laughter] I mean, it took forever. I was smiling earlier when you were talking about how Christmas can get us all focused on ourselves. We used to have a tradition in our family where we would put everybody's name in a hat. You would draw out the name of someone where you were a “Secret Santa.”  Barbara: We called them “KKs.” Dennis: It's amazing how many arguments you can get into, as a family, around that because you have a young child who drew your name—“I'm not getting anything!!” You know: “They're no longer here!” or they're just selfish—they haven't thought of anybody. [Laughter]  20:00 Christmas is a time that can bring out—in the midst of the exhaustion—it can bring out—  Barbara: The worst! Dennis: —the worst in us. There's another reason why I think we need, again, to put the focus back on Jesus Christ and call our kids to have Him live His life in them and through them as they celebrate the holidays. Bob: I had one of my Facebook® friends, who used to work, here at FamilyLife, who just sent me this picture not long ago—let me see if I can pull this up on the phone. You recognize that old shot; don't you? [Laughter]  Barbara: Yes! [Laughter] Bob: I'm wondering if we can—  Barbara: So how many decades ago would that be? Laura looks like she's five. Dennis: Oh, wow! Bob: You can't turn that and get it—it flops every time you turn it. Barbara: So that's about 25 years ago. Yikes!—that's a long time ago. Bob: Can we put that up on the website? Dennis: That's a long time ago. I think you can.  Bob: That will be fun. Dennis: And it's proof that you can get every eye open.  Barbara: That's right; you can. Dennis: This was back in the day of film. [Laughter] Barbara: This was before Photoshop. Dennis: We would take seven or eight rolls of film because of our son, Samuel. [Laughter] His pictures were called “The Many Faces of Samuel Rainey.”  21:00 Barbara: Yes, his delight was to make faces at the camera. Bob: Well, if you want to see the one shot that everybody was smiling on—back about 25 years ago—you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. We have it posted there. Barbara: And you'll notice how neatly and perfectly we're dressed, too, because that was a priority for me as well—sadly. Dennis: Oh, my goodness.  Bob: That looks like that took a lot of time too. Dennis: Oh, yes! Barbara: Yes, yes, yes—I know! Dennis: It started about June or— Barbara: It did not! [Laughter] Bob: And if you are interested in seeing what Barbara's been working on, you can go to EverThineHome.com—see the new set of ornaments that have been designed for this year—the Adorenaments that are the Savior names of Jesus: Messiah, Redeemer, Chief Cornerstone, Great High Priest, Anointed One, Lamb of God, and Mediator—all in the shape of crosses. You can see past years' of Adorenaments as well—His Christmas names and His royal names. You can see them; and you can order, online, at EverThineHome.com.  22:00 I know that gift-giving is one of the priorities that is on all of our minds during the month of December as we often budget for, and think about and shop for, and wrap gifts that we give to friends, or to family members, and loved ones during the Christmas season. And I know many of our listeners have included FamilyLife Today in past years on your gift-giving list. We know that because more than 50 percent of the funding necessary to operate FamilyLife, throughout the year, comes to us during the month of December, as a lot of people make a yearend contribution in support of this ministry. We're grateful for your financial support. In fact, what you give to FamilyLife in December really determines what the next year is going to look like for us—how much ministry we'll be able to do in the year ahead is often determined by the giving that happens in December.  We've had some friends of the ministry come to us recently—they are aware of that dynamic.  23:00 They've said, “We'd like to encourage FamilyLife Today listeners to be as generous as possible during December.” They have agreed that, this month, they will match every donation that we receive, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $2,000,000. Of course, we are very grateful for their generosity; and we want to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity.  That's why we're asking you: “Would you consider adding FamilyLife Today to your gift-giving list for December? Would you go today to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a yearend contribution in support of this ministry?” You can click in the upper right-hand corner of our website, where it says, “I Care,” and make an online donation. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone. Or you can mail a donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and, again, our zip code is 72223.  24:00 Thanks, in advance, for whatever you're able to do. Keep in mind, your donation is being doubled this month. Please pray that we'll be able to take full advantage of that matching-gift opportunity.  And I hope you can join us back tomorrow. We're going to continue to think about the names of Christ at Christmas. We'll have some friends here to help us think through all of the exalted titles that belong to Jesus. I hope you can tune in for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com   

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Season of Gratitude (Part 1) - Forget Not His BenefitsThe Season of Gratitude (Part 2) - Cultivating Gratitude in the Heart of a ChildFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Forget Not His Benefits  Guest:                         Barbara Rainey        From the series:       The Season of Gratitude (Day 2 of 3)Air date:                     November 5, 2015  Bob: As a parent, should you train your children to be polite and say, “Thank you,” even if they are not feeling thankful in their heart?  Here's Barbara Rainey.  Barbara: There were plenty of times when our kids said, “Uh, thanks”; or they said it, and you could tell it wasn't really heartfelt. But they need to be trained to say, “Thank you,” because as we've already said, “It's not natural.”  So, that was a really big thing for me—was to teach our kids to say, “Thank you,” whenever they were given something, or helped, or served.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, November 5th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We're going to continue to talk today about what moms and dads can do to help their children become more grateful. Stay tuned.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. You know, we had the opportunity— 1:00 —this was not long ago, when our family was together—and we were talking about: “What were the things that they remember from growing up?  What are some of their favorite memories?”  It is interesting to me how many memories your kids have from when they're growing up are connected to holidays and vacations.  Dennis: And could I add one thing— Bob: Yes.  Dennis: —additional?—a tradition that is attached to a holiday or a vacation.  Bob: Well, that's—when we are in the midst of it, I mean, we know that vacations are fun and that holidays are fun; but I don't know that we realize how significant these things are—how much a part of the memory bank of a child. What you're going to do for Thanksgiving this year, what you're going to do for Christmas this year, or what you do next summer on vacation—you are building a memory bank for your kids that will define—in large measure, it's a part of what they take with them into adulthood.  Dennis: It is.  2:00 I was looking through some documents that I had to kind of catalogue some of our early Christmases together, as our kids began to get married and bring their spouses to Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and Easter. It was interesting—some of the things that were written were thoughts by a new son-in-law or daughter-in-law, saying, “I loved the fact that we got a chance to see a different tradition or a new tradition that, perhaps, we can make a part of our family as we establish our own.”  I think it's that longing you are talking about, Bob. When your children grow up, they are going to anchor their own family around these holidays; and they, for the most part, are holidays that represent biblical truths and biblical holidays that families have been entrusted to help their children celebrate.  I'm fortunate that I out-punted my coverage in that I married Barbara because she brought this strong emphasis— 3:00 —not that I didn't have one from my own childhood—I did—but she brought an even stronger emphasis around the holidays, but around celebrating them and the biblical message that each holiday brought.  Bob: Barbara, welcome back to the program.  Barbara: Thank you.  Bob: Did you recognize, as a young mom, that holidays, and celebrations, and vacations—that these are important for how your kids grow up and develop?   Barbara: I don't think I understood the value of vacations as much because we didn't do a lot of vacations in my childhood, growing up; but holidays were always really important to me, as a kid. I intuitively knew—and I think this is true for all kids—I intuitively knew there was something meaningful / something really important, and I couldn't express it. I didn't know what it was; but there was something about Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and Easter that was more meaningful and more important than anything else we did the rest of the year.  4:00 And so, as we got married, one of my objectives and goals was to try and find ways to make those holidays meaningful—and especially to make them meaningful, biblically, because God made it really clear in the Old Testament, when He established the feasts, that the nation of Israel was to keep—that setting aside your normal ordinary activities and focusing on Him—and having a holiday, or a feast, or a time away from work—He knew that was important for us, as people. Today, we don't celebrate those feasts; but we celebrate Christmas—and Thanksgiving, here in America—and we celebrate Easter. And those are very important spiritual religious holidays.  Bob: We are—as we invest in these moments, we're building a memory box / a memory bank. I don't know if we've ever stopped to think about how important remembering is / how important reflecting on the past is.  5:00 You've been digging around in the Scriptures to see what God's Word has to say about remembering and why remembering is so important; right?   Barbara: You know, out of all of these verses that there are in the Scriptures about giving thanks, and thanksgiving, and being grateful—one of my favorites is one that says it in the opposite way—and that's Psalm 103 [verse 2], where we are commanded to “…forget not His benefits...”  It's the opposite of remembering. They are two sides of the same coin; but it's a different way to look at it when you think about “Don't forget what God has done,” because we're all so prone to forget; right? All of us forget a whole host of things. God is saying: “No, no, no—don't forget what I've done. You can forget your car keys and all that kind of stuff, but don't forget what I've done because what I have done is the most important thing that you can remember.”   Bob: If you start forgetting the goodness of God in the past—in fact, how we live by faith today is really vitally connected to our recollection of God's faithfulness in the past.  6:00 Barbara: Correct.  Dennis: And what we're talking about here is spiritual amnesia. It's forgetting what God's done for you. The Bible spells it out—He tells us what the benefits are in Psalm 103—He's the One who saved us. He is the One who is near the brokenhearted. He is the One who gives good gifts to His children.  I think, when we forget what God has done, there is a progression that takes place. I think we soon forget who He is, then, we forget how to trust Him. We forget that, in the crisis and in a tough moment, that the same God who gave you those benefits is also in those tough moments and wants you to reach out to Him and depend upon Him in faith.  Bob: So, all of the work that goes into making a holiday, like Thanksgiving or like Christmas, memorable / something that the family will appreciate and enjoy— 7:00 —I think, at the end of those meals or the end of those celebrations, moms can often feel like: “Boy, that was a lot of work. I don't know that that was worth all the work.”  But now, from the perspective of decades, you look back and go, “It was worth it because these are the deposits that we placed in the lives of our kids.”   Barbara: Yes, and I think what happens—for moms, especially—that we gauge the success of the event, so to speak, or the dinner or whatever on the responses that we get from our kids—at least, I did—when it's really just an investment. We're investing in their lives / we're making deposits in their lives—we're feeding them truth, and we're reminding them of what's most important. That adds up over time.  Dennis: It does add up over time. In fact, what you're doing is—you're making deposits that are relational as well. You are expressing love / you're giving children a place to belong to—a place to come home to.  I love it—that a clipping I have from a number of years ago that an insurance company, back in Massachusetts, commissioned a survey to find out if family members would take a thousand dollars and not go home for Thanksgiving.  8:00 The majority of family members said: “You can keep the thousand bucks. I want to go home.”   Barbara: Well, it's that sense of belonging that God created in us—we want to belong. Family is the best place for that to happen. So, when you go to the trouble to make Thanksgiving extra special and more important than another meal that you might have the rest of the year, it does stand out in the minds of the kids. It is worth it.  Bob: You found something, as you were looking at the Bible, that kind of surprised you; and that is that the omniscient God, who forgets nothing, writes stuff down.  Barbara: Yes. [Laughter]  Yes, it really is interesting. I started noticing that there were these books—that God refers to books in the Bible. I'm thinking, “There must be a library—a really big library in heaven.”    9:00 So, I started looking at some of these— Dennis: You're not talking about the books of the Bible, now?   Barbara: No, I'm talking about other books.  Dennis: Oh, yes.  Barbara: Lots of other books.  Dennis: Like, for instance?   Barbara: There are three books that I found—there may be more—but there are three that I found that God has in His library in heaven. One of them is the Book of the Lamb, and that's where the names of everyone who believes in Jesus Christ are written in this book. I'm thinking it must be a really big, thick book.  Then, there is another book that is referred to in Psalm 56:8. David said: “You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not all in Your book?”  So, God has some kind of a book in heaven, where He writes down all of our concerns / all of the things that plague us and worry us—that we toss and turn in the middle of the night over and that we cry over—our losses. God keeps track of all of those. He keeps our tears in His bottle—that's an amazing thought.  Then, the third book that I found—and this is more than one book—in Revelation [20:12], it says, “And the books”—plural— 10:00 —“were opened, and they were judged from the things which were written in the books according to their deeds.”  So, there is a collection of books in which are written all of the deeds of every single one of us.  I started thinking about biographies. Biographies can be pretty thick books, but that's just a piece of somebody's life. That's not all of their deeds. So, these must be really big books, and there must be lots of them if God is writing down and recording everything that we've done.  Bob: And again, it's not because He can't remember it. So, the writing down is a way of making permanent—keeping a record of— Barbara: I think it's for us.  Bob: —what's important. Yes.  Barbara: Yes, I think it's for us—not Him.  Dennis: And what I'd want your children to know, as you approach Thanksgiving, is that first book Barbara mentioned—the Book of the Lamb—you want your kids' names /  you want your name written in that book because that's a book that records the people who have placed their faith— 11:00 Barbara: That's right.  Dennis: —in the Lamb of God, who came to take away the sin of the world— Barbara: That's right.  Dennis: —who died for your sins. And if you'll place your faith in Him, not only will He ink you in the book, He will welcome you into heaven. And Thanksgiving ought to be a time when each of us, as followers of Christ, celebrate the fact that: “Yes, we have come to that point in our lives of placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And one of the benefits that He has given us is eternal life / forgiveness of sins.”   We ought to be passing that onto our children and using this holiday, coming up, to proclaim the gospel. Tell your kids—tell them you want them to be where God's going to be: “You want to be heaven for eternity.”   Bob: You mentioned the verse in Psalm 103 [verse 2] that says, “…forget not all His benefits…”  The Bible really spells out for us the reasons why we are not to forget. There are dangers that come when we forget the goodness of God. 12:00 Barbara: Well, there is another psalm, not far after 103—it's Psalm 106. It's a really long psalm. It's one of Dennis's favorites; right?   Dennis: It is. The first 25 verses—folks, if you've not read it, I just want to challenge you to read Psalm 106, verses 1-25. Follow the progression— Barbara: Yes.  Dennis: —of what happens when we forget what God has done.  Barbara: And so, briefly, here is what happened when God's children forgot what He had done.  First of all, they didn't consider. So, that means they didn't think about God's wondrous works. They didn't even think about what God had done.  Then, the second thing that happened is they didn't remember. So, if you are not thinking about it, you're not going to remember, which means you forgot. They forgot the abundance of God's love.  Then, the third thing that happened is they soon forgot His works, and they didn't wait for His counsel. They just ran right ahead and made their own decisions. They didn't stop and pray. They didn't think about what God wanted them to do.  13:00 They just went and did their own thing.  Then, the fourth step in this downward spiral is they forgot God, their Savior, who had done great things in Egypt—wondrous works and awesome deeds by the Red Sea.  Dennis: Before you go on, that just strikes my memory of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's great message at Harvard. It was entitled “Men Have Forgotten God.”  This is the progression we follow—not they— Barbara: Yes.  Dennis: —we follow when we forget what God has done. We forget His love, we forget who He is, and then, we forget Him. We fail to trust Him at key points in our lives.  Bob: Well, that's, really, the next thing it says in the psalm—is that not only did they forget the miraculous things God had done, but it led them to a place of just disregard for God all together.  Barbara: Yes, they didn't have faith anymore. So, what it illustrates, by contrast, is—when you remember what God has done and you focus on what He has given, then, your faith grows.  14:00 So, the consequences for them [who forget to remember God] is that their faith just withered up, and dried up, and blew away; but when we focus on what He's done, our faith is strengthened.  Dennis: And verse 25 says, “And they grumbled in their tents.”  And what have we been talking about here?   Barbara: Grumbling.  Dennis: We've been talking about the opposite of giving thanks is grumbling, is griping, is complaining, is having discontent. I think this holiday coming up is a great time to be spiritually re-centered on who God is and just revisit all His benefits and what He has done for you, as individuals, but also, as a family.  Bob: So, if a mom is saying to herself today, “Okay, I really do want Thanksgiving to be memorable,”—and if you're going to coach her on how to do that without putting her under the pile—because that's the competing dilemma— Barbara: That's the tension.  Bob: —here; right?   Barbara: Yes.  Bob: So, how does she do it?   Barbara: Well, one suggestion is to expose your children to those who have less.  15:00 I know a lot of families who, over the Thanksgiving or the Christmas holiday, will take their entire family and go to a homeless shelter or to a soup kitchen and serve those people who come there. It's a way to put your children in touch with those who have less because it puts their life in perspective.  Bob: I've talked to a lot of kids who have come back from summer mission trips to third- world countries. A week of seeing how other people live—they've got a little different focus on what they have to have as they head back to school.  Barbara: Absolutely. It's one of my favorite things to tell parents is: “When your kids get old enough,”—when they are really teens or when you feel there is the right age for them—“send them on a mission trip. Don't send them to an easy place. They need to go to Haiti, or Guatemala, or somewhere—where they see kids in orphanages / or they are out on the street, and they see the people who live in the slums or the street children—because then, when they come back to America, it is like, ‘I really do have it really, really good.'” 16:00 Bob: So, is there a way—if you're not going to do the soup kitchen, is there a way, as you lead up to Thanksgiving, that you can help your kids understand that most people don't have as much as they have or that we have in this country?   Barbara: I think one of the easiest ways to help children get in touch with the benefits that they currently enjoy is to read stories to them about people who have far less. Take them to someone else's life, where they can hear a story about someone else who suffered or who had some difficult circumstances.  We've put together a resource called Written and Remembered. In that resource, there's a small book; and it has four stories. You can read one of those stories each of the four weeks of the month of November—you can read them every day for four days. What makes these stories unique is that there is a practical application at the end of the story that helps the children experience or act on what they felt coming out of the story.  17:00 So, for instance, the first story is about Joni Eareckson Tada. Joni Eareckson Tada is a woman who is paralyzed and has been in a wheelchair since she was 17 years old. She's now in her early 60s. So, the activity for that—after you read this very compelling story about Joni—and how she is one of the most joyous people you will ever meet and she gives thanks in all things—the activity is for everyone to sit in a chair and not move / and think about what it must feel like to be a quadriplegic—to sit in a wheelchair. You can't scratch your nose. You can't get up and go to the bathroom. You can't feed yourself. You can't do anything. Just the exercise of helping your children sit still for a few minutes—the longer the better—but to help them experience what that must be like is a way to help them enter into someone else's world; and then, by contrast, look at their own and say, “Oh, I really have it good.”   18:00 Another one of the stories is about a man who contracted meningitis. He went from being active and healthy and fully able to do everything to losing his memory—eventually going blind—but needing a lot of care. As you read that story together, the activity at the end is to make a list of everyone who serves you. And this man, John Bishop, had to be served. He had to be taught to eat. He had to be taught to walk. He had all these people that, because they loved him and cared for him, taught him to regain the use of his arms and his legs and learned how to speak again.  As a family, if you can sit down together after reading this story and think, “How many people serve us on a regular basis that we just walk by?”  Well, there's the postman, there are teachers, and there are the checkout people at the grocery store, and maybe, the person who bags your groceries at the grocery store. If you will stop and think about:  19:00 “Who are all the people who serve us on a regular basis?”—then, the resource comes with some cards—and, as a family, you can write thank-you notes. Take a thank-you note to the checkout lady at the grocery store, or the bagger, or the postman, or whoever it might be. Again, it's a practical way to help your children think about being thankful / being grateful for all of the [people] that are in their lives that serve them / that make life comfortable.  Bob: And a lot of kids are going to—when they are 25 and 30 years old—remember taking thank-you notes to the lady at the checkout counter at the grocery store.  Barbara: Because who does that?   Bob: That's right. They'll never forget how “Mom had us do that”; and it was meaningful to them.  Dennis: And whether or not the kids remember it or not—I promise you—the lady at the checkout counter won't ever forget it. I was checking out at the counter the other day, and I forget what caused me to turn to the woman and just say something personal to her—and I don't remember exactly what it was— 20:00 —but that I paused and engaged her, as a human being, was fascinating. She was like a rose that moved from being a bud to a beautiful human being, reflecting the image of God. She began to share how she had a teenaged daughter that was struggling, and I was able to take a few moments and just minister to her.  I think we're walking by people, left and right, in this culture who, if we give them a good word of thanksgiving / of appreciation—as Barbara is talking about—just saying, “Thank you— Bob: Yes.  Dennis: —“Thank you for how you've served me and my family,”—it's going to make a huge difference in their lives.  Bob: We treat a lot of them like automatons and like robots, and just like, “You are just there to— Dennis: Why didn't you just say, “robot”?  [Laughter]   Bob: Because I'm trying to sound impressive with automaton. [Laughter] Dennis: I've never heard the word!   Bob: You haven't heard automaton?   Barbara: I've heard it, but I've never tried to say it.  Dennis: I'm not sure I've ever heard the word still. [Laughter]   Bob: But your point is a good point, which is— 21:00 —when we are in those situations, what happens in that moment is a reflection of what was in our heart in the first place. If we're not people who have hearts of thanksgiving and gratitude / if we're just so focused on our own agenda, that's what is going to spill out in the TSA line or wherever else we are, where we're not showing worth, or value, or dignity to other people. This is one of the reasons why we encourage people to take advantage of a holiday called Thanksgiving and use it to cultivate that spiritual discipline in your own life and in the lives of your family members.  Again, we've got resources to help make that happen in your home, whether it's the Written and Remembered resource we've already talked about today, that you can use at the Thanksgiving meal, or the book that you've written, Barbara, Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember—which is available in both a hardback book and on audio CD—or other resources that are designed with the idea of promoting gratitude in mind.  22:00 Go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, “GO DEEPER,” and look for information there about the Written and Remembered resource that Barbara has created for the Thanksgiving meal, the Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember book, and the other resources that we have available to help you cultivate a heart of thanksgiving for your family. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, “GO DEEPER.” The resources are all available right there; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. That's 1-800-358-6329—1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY.”  And you can order any of these resources from us over the phone as well.  We ought to take just a minute here and just let our listeners know how thankful we are that they join us each day for this program—those of you who tune in regularly— 23:00 —always happy to have this time together with you. And it's encouraging to us when we hear from listeners as well. Some of you will get in touch with us, from time to time, and let us know how God is using this ministry in your life.  And we appreciate those of you who make this program possible through your financial support of FamilyLife Today. The cost of producing and syndicating this program is covered by listeners, like you, who will pitch in occasionally, or we have a team of what we call Legacy Partners—those who are contributing monthly to help defray the costs associated with this program. Thank you to those of you who are Legacy Partners or [those] who occasionally will make a donation in support of the ministry.  If you can help with a donation today, we'd like to send you a devotional book that Barbara Rainey has written on the subject of gratitude. It's called Growing Together in Gratitude—seven stories about being grateful. It's our gift to you when you make a donation today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, “I care,”—make an online donation.  24:00 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation over the phone; or mail your donation to us at FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.  Now, tomorrow, we're going to continue to explore this issue of gratitude and things we can do to promote thanksgiving in our own heart and in our families. Hope you can tune in for that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.                   Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Season of Gratitude (Part 1) - Forget Not His BenefitsThe Season of Gratitude (Part 2) - Cultivating Gratitude in the Heart of a ChildFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Cultivating Gratitude in the Heart of a Child Guest:                         Barbara Rainey        From the series:       The Season of Gratitude (Day 3 of 3)Air date:                     November 6, 2015  Bob: Are your kids as grateful as they ought to be?  Maybe, they need to be hiding God's Word in their heart. Here's Barbara Rainey.  Barbara: One of the easiest to memorize is “Give thanks in all things,”— 1 Thessalonians 5:18. It's very easy for even a three-year or a four-year-old to memorize. It's just as important for the 18-year-old and the adult because that's a pretty comprehensive verse. When you stop and think about it—giving thanks in all things—that is never going to run out in anybody's life.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, November 6th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Thanksgiving is more than just a day on a calendar. It is a commandment from God that we be thankful. We'll talk about how we cultivate that in our own hearts and in our families today. Stay tuned.  1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. We've been talking this week about the fact that there's a big holiday coming up this month—and that we ought to pay attention, we ought to make memories, we ought to help our kids embrace gratitude as a way of life / be thankful. The reality is—everything we are talking about is not going to happen unless we have a little intentionality about this.  Dennis: That's exactly right, and you know why?   Bob: Why?   Dennis: Because there has been a robbery. There has been a robbery— Bob: Okay?  What's been taken?   Dennis: —of Thanksgiving from families. Families are not thankful. What they need to realize is—and I just wrote some of them down—and by the way, welcome to the broadcast, Sweetheart—Barbara joins us again on FamilyLife Today. Welcome back.  Barbara: Thank you. Glad to be here.  Dennis: All of our listeners are glad you are here. You add a lot of credibility and reality to this broadcast—not that Bob and I don't have either, but you add more. [Laughter]   2:00 Barbara: I'm an eyewitness; right?   Dennis: Yes. So, here are some of the robbers of Thanksgiving in our families—the first one—pace. You think that robs a lot of families?—just the sheer busyness of life.  Bob: Now, are you talking about things that rob the holiday or things that rob the attitude of Thanksgiving?   Dennis: I'm talking about— Barbara: The attitude.  Dennis: It's the attitude; but frankly, it also robs the holiday too.  Bob: You're just saying that the constant pace of life—the speed at which we are running—we forget to be grateful.  Dennis: Most families are running flat-out. In fact, we look at our five married children—look at their schedules—remarkable. Second one, neglect—we just neglect to make thankfulness a part of our everyday lives. As a result, we take each other for granted.  Third—this is the human heart here—greed, jealousy, envy, discontent. It's our nature to be critical / to be fault-finding, to grumble— 3:00 —like we talked earlier—to dispute / to gripe. These robbers are coming at families, left and right. What we have to do is find a way to seize the holiday—and not merely the holiday—but to make thanksgiving a part of the DNA of our families.  Bob: One of your children was asked one time how he would describe you in a single word. You know the story I'm talking about; right?   Dennis: I do.  Bob: And you know how— Barbara: I know it too.  Bob: —your son—what was the word he used?   Dennis: I thought he could have picked a better word.  Bob: What was the word that he used?   Dennis: I would not have thought of this word in a hundred years. [Laughter] Barbara: But it's true.  Bob: Barbara, what was the word?   Barbara: The word was “intentional.”   Bob: And you agree that that— Barbara: I would agree.  Bob: —is the defining word?   Barbara: I don't know if it's the defining word; but it is definitely, I would say, one of the top five.  Bob: And if they were asked—if the kids were asked to define you in a word, would intentional be one of the top five for you?   Barbara: I would think it would be in the top five. [Laughter] Bob: So, Mr. Intentional— Barbara: They got a double dose!   Bob: —and Mrs. Intentional got married; huh?   Dennis: Well, we're both about seizing the moment.  4:00 Barbara: Yes, we are. I think it's—in the holidays, it's especially important that we seize the moment and that we are intentional about making it what we want it to be. If we want to focus on gratitude, we've got to find a way to do it because it's not going to happen naturally.  Bob: So, if parents are thinking, “Okay, I want to be intentional,”—and we want them to be intentional and have some focus. Yet, as soon as you start talking about it—Dennis, you said pace is already a factor—they think: “I don't have time to be intentional. I don't have space to be intentional. I'm too tired to be intentional.”  [Laughter] Dennis: That's—no kidding—I mean, seriously.  Bob: That's how you feel.  Dennis: So, what happens, Bob, is—families don't celebrate meals together. So, how would you ever have a time to do something like what we used to do?—which was to make a list of how we are grateful. Each of us, as family members, is grateful for one another. We'd feature one of the kids at the dinner table and say: “Let's all go around the table.  5:00 “Let's tell Ashley”—our firstborn—“what we appreciate about Ashley.”   They'd go around the table. Invariably, they'd share something about: “She's cute,” “She's kind,” “She's nice,”—this. And one of them would always say, “Because she shares her toys with us.”  [Laughter]  But it taught them to stop, in the midst of life, and just merely express appreciation for other family members. I don't think we do that often enough.  Bob: You didn't save that up and make that just something you do on Thanksgiving Day. You were doing this, year round, just occasionally peppering it into a meal?   Dennis: Yes. Frankly, as you take the temperature of each of your children or of your spouse, there may be a moment when they need this. I admit I've come home, on more than one occasion, a little discouraged by things that had taken place, here at FamilyLife; and I was in need of some people believing in me again and expressing appreciation.  6:00 Barbara: So, it was fun when we would do that. The kids—sometimes, they rolled their eyes and didn't want to do it—but nonetheless, what it illustrated is that, to be thankful / to appreciate another person, you have to step out of the routine. You've got to step out of what you normally do, which is to think about yourself and what's next on your agenda. So, as parents, we have to help our kids step out of their natural bent toward selfishness and help them focus on somebody else because the essence of thanksgiving and gratitude is focusing on someone else.  For us, as believers, it's directing our thanksgiving and our gratitude toward the source of everything that we enjoy in life, which is God Himself.  Bob: There are Bible verses that talk about the importance of gratitude. You mentioned that, in your study of Scripture, you've come across dozens of verses—well, a couple hundred in the Old Testament— Barbara: Yes.  Bob: —and dozens in the New Testament—things like: “Give thanks in all things, [1 Thessalonians 5:18]”  7:00 Colossians [3:15-17] talks about how thanksgiving needs to be a part of what we do. Reading these verses to our kids—having them memorize these verses / memorizing them together with them—this can be a part of how we focus on / how we can be intentional about cultivating gratitude in the heart of a child.  Barbara: It's one of the ways that parents can train their children in being grateful and being thankful. Again, it's calling their attention to something that we, as moms and dads, know is important for them and that they need to have as a character quality in their lives because they are not going to do it on their own.  So, finding some of these verses—one of the easiest to memorize is, “Give thanks in all things,”—1 Thessalonians 5:18. It's very easy for even a three-year-old or a four-year-old to memorize. It's just as important for the 18-year-old and the adult because that's a pretty comprehensive verse. When you stop and think about it—giving thanks in all things—that is never going to run out in anybody's life.  8:00 Bob: And if you were to say to your kids—after you memorize a verse like that—say, “Now, I'm going to give a dollar to the first person who can catch me not giving thanks when I ought to be giving— Barbara: That's a good one.  Bob: —“thanks. You see me in a situation— Dennis: Our kids would have immediately begun to negotiate, “Could you make it ten?”  [Laughter]   Bob: I thought you were going to say, “Their IRA would be full by now with dollars that they had collected over the years.”   Barbara: Well, that would be true too.  Bob: But all of a sudden, when you game-ify something like this—when you make it a challenge or a competition—it can get out of hand quickly. Kids can start jumping on everything and say: “You should have said, ‘Thank you,' there,” “You didn't say anything. You were grumbling.”   Dennis: Exactly.  Bob: Right?   Barbara: Yes.  Bob: So, you've got to lay down the rules and make it clear—but: “If you—sometime this week, if you can catch me grumbling when I should be giving thanks / you catch me doing that—the first one who does—I'll give you a dollar.”  That just heightens the awareness for kids.  Barbara: Well, the other thing you could do—speaking of game-ifying— 9:00 —is you could pay your kids to look up as many verses as they can find on the topic of thanksgiving or gratitude and give them a time limit—ten minutes or whatever you want to do. We did that with our kids one time on all the verses they could find on the topic of the heart. We paid them—what?—a dime or a quarter per verse and set a time limit.  Dennis: I don't think we had a time limit—that was my mistake.  Barbara: Oh, yes. [Laughter]  But it was good for them to realize that God has a whole lot to say about the heart. This would be a similar exercise—God has a whole lot to say about being thankful.  Bob: And you can teach them how to use a concordance— Barbara: Yes.  Bob: —and how they can learn and do word studies—or how to use the computer if you don't have a concordance.  Barbara: That's right.  Bob: There is a lot that you can do to say, “Here is how you do a word search in the Bible on our computer.”   Dennis: The other thing you can do is begin to look for people who are in our culture today who are under-appreciated by the public.  Bob: Yes.  Dennis: Now, who might come to your mind, as you think about a group of people or people in the public service somehow in our country? 10:00 Bob: I was thinking about being out to lunch with you the other day. We were having lunch at a place where there were a couple of police officers having lunch. You just turned to one of the police officers; and you said: “Thank you for what you do. Thanks for your service.”  And the police officer said, “You're welcome,” or “Thank you,” or something and kind of moved on—seemed a little embarrassed, maybe, by it—but I think police officers aren't getting a whole lot of gratitude today.  Barbara: Another group that doesn't get any appreciation is TSA agents. So, for those of you who travel—none of us like going through security / none of us like taking off our shoes and putting all our junk on the belt. It really is inconvenient to have to do all of that; but the people that are there, that are asking us to do all that, are doing it for our safety, and they are doing it for our protection.  Bob: And they are human beings.  Barbara: Yes, they are.  Bob: Let's remember they are people—   Barbara: They are people.  Dennis: —made in the image of God.  Barbara: Yes.  Dennis: What was the word that you used on another broadcast about a robot? Bob: Automatons. [Laughter] Dennis: Automatons. They're not— Bob: They're not automatons.  Dennis: They are not.  11:00 They are real human beings.  Bob: You like that word?   Dennis: I do. [Laughter]   Barbara: Yes, that's kind of fun. But one of the things that Dennis has started doing in the last couple of years is making it a point to thank the TSA workers for their work on our behalf. He's asked a few of them, “So, how many people ever thank you for what you do?”  And most of them say, “No one,” or “Never.”  And he said, “Really?!”  We've had TSA agents tell us that they've had people spit in their face, and yell at them, and cuss at them, and just all kinds of really, really awful things. When you think about that / what a miserable job that would be. So, to have someone say, “Thank you for doing what you're doing,” would—I would think—make their day.  Dennis: I was in one airport recently where, after I travelled all the way through security, I got stopped by the head TSA agent. Here is a tip, folks—your conversations with the TSA agents are being overheard— 12:00 —because he was listening on a pair of earphones to what's happening to his agents to be able to spot trouble in advance. He came up to me and he said, “I heard you thank two or three of our TSA agents, going through security.”  He goes: “That's remarkable. I just want to thank you for saying, ‘Thank you.'”   I think, in our culture today, we are so rude / we're so impersonal—that just relating to other people and being nice to them is really a way that you can train your children. Frankly, whether your children are watching or not, just do it because it's the right thing to do.  Bob: You mentioned—and we've talked about it here before—but as a part of your celebration of Thanksgiving over the years / a part of your intentionality in teaching your kids to be thankful—you passed out cards at the dinner table for Thanksgiving. Was this a “You don't get your turkey until you fill out the card”-kind of thing?   Barbara: Actually, it was—we did it first.  13:00 I knew that, if we tried to do it during the meal, it would be messy and it would be ridiculous. If we did it afterwards, everybody would want to get up and run; and they were tired of sitting. So, we did do it first; and they didn't eat until they did the card.  Bob: And you didn't just have them verbalize what they were thankful for, but you had them write it down.  Barbara: I had them write it down first. Everyone had a card on their plate with a pencil or a pen. Everybody knows the routine, now. They, sometimes, sit down and start filling out the card without any instruction; but initially, those first few years, I had to help them know that we're going to write down five things that we are thankful for that happened this year in our lives.  And when the kids were little, they put little things—“I'm thankful for my toy,”—and whatever, but it didn't matter. I love having those ones from the three-year-olds and the four-year-olds—when they write just a couple of words. As the kids got older and we continued to do this, there were some pretty remarkable sentences written by our older children in their teenage years:  14:00 “I'm thankful that I didn't make the team because I learned about God's…”—whatever.  It's been a great memory-maker for us. I didn't anticipate that having all of us, including Dennis and me, write down what we're thankful for—I didn't think about the storehouse, so to speak, of memories that we were creating. I just wanted them to practice pausing and thinking, “What am I grateful for?” and then writing it down. That was the end goal for me.  Dennis: It's interesting. I have here the collection that is a scrapbook—and she didn't start out with a scrapbook in mind, I can promise you that—but we have the first two in here. There is one by our son, Benjamin. He misspelled his name as he was attempting to write it; but he said: “I'm thankful for my family because they can help me when I need it. They can build responsibility with me. My brother can play with me and help me build things.   15:00 “I can share personal things with my parents. My sisters are good friends and helpers. They encourage me to do special things with and for me, and they surprise me. They give me food, a home, clothes, a bed, warm blankets. They drive me to school.”   Bob: Now, what age?  What year was that?   Dennis: Well, this was 1987. So, he would have been 11 or 12—somewhere in there.  Bob: Okay. And having this—do the kids go back and look at what they've written?   Barbara: I get it out every Thanksgiving and set it on the coffee table. Sometimes, they sit and flip through it; and sometimes, they are too busy chasing their kids, and they don't. But I get it out every year.  Bob: You know, honestly, this is one of the reasons why we started doing an annual Christmas letter that we would send out to friends. Even if nobody read it, I wanted to have 25 years of Christmas letters that—now, our kids go back and say, “Can you believe, when I was 13, that I wrote this?” or “…I said this?”  Writing these things down and preserving them— 16:00 Barbara: Yes.  Bob: —is a part of—we've talked about memories and how important memories are. This is a big part of that.  Barbara: Our daughter, Ashley, does the same thing with their Christmas letter. She said, “I don't care if anybody reads it, but it's a good discipline for me to summarize what God has done in our family over the past year.”  She said, “And I will have these to help us remember.”   Bob: You've always had a sense that a mealtime can be a significant spiritual time, not just because of the food, but because of the conversation. And there is something about being together around the table, sharing a meal, that gives you an opportunity. You came up with a spool of napkin ties that have a purpose; right?  Explain what this is all about.  Barbara: Well, about two or three years ago, we created, as you said, a spool of napkin ties or napkin ribbons. Each one of them has a question printed on it. The idea is to do what we've been talking about—find a way to create meaningful conversation.  17:00 We want to be with people we care about, and we want to create memories with them. And the way to do that is to have something meaningful that we do together or we share together in some way or another.  The questions are all about being thankful or being grateful. The idea is that, as everyone gets their napkin and takes the ribbon off of the napkin to put the napkin in your lap, you see that on this piece of ribbon is a question. You can do it anyway you want to in your family—you can do it before the food is served, you can do it as everyone sits down, or you can have everyone save their question and do it at dessert—whatever you want to do. The idea is—you read the question. So, if the three of us are having dinner, I would have you read the question first, Bob. Whatever the question is, then, you would tell us what your answer to that question is. Then, we would go around.  And it's amazing what you learn about people when you answer these questions.  18:00 We've heard phenomenal stories of families, who like most families, just have conversation about the weather or the football game that they are getting ready to go watch; but when they use these napkin ties on their table, even people that they didn't expect would be open and honest would share. They found that they learned things about one another that they wouldn't have without the help of these questions.  Bob: There are different questions. So, you have a whole series of different questions on each spool— Barbara: Correct.  Bob: —so that each person doesn't have the same question.  Barbara: Yes, all the questions are different. One spool has 12 questions. This year, we're coming out with a second set. So, we've got two sets of questions on gratitude. Since most families have a pretty big gathering at Thanksgiving, that allows you to have 24 different questions if you've got a big crowd of people.  Bob: And the focus is on gratitude with each one?   Barbara: They are all on gratitude.  Dennis: Let me just read a couple of them here: “What little things are you thankful for today?”  Now, you don't think of that possibly opening up a serious conversation between family members; but you may have a family member who you really haven't had a meaningful conversation with in a long time. 19:00 So, these questions—in fact, I know one son who invited his dad to come to their Thanksgiving celebration. They had these napkin ties, “Untie Your Story,” out at each place setting. The dad, who was not one to ever get into something like this, said, “Aren't we going to answer these questions?”  They went around the table. This man, who was in his 60s, began to get tears in his eyes. He said, “It was an astounding, open conversation that our family had for the first time in a long time—maybe, even ever.”  And he said, “It made that Thanksgiving meal truly one to remember.”   Bob: So, if somebody unties a napkin and the question is: “What little things are you thankful for today?” and they say:  20:00 “I'm thankful that there was hot water in the shower—that we've got a hot water heater— Dennis: Yes. Yes.  Bob: —“and a shower,”—and that's it— Dennis: That's it.  Bob: —is that okay— Dennis: Yes.  Barbara: Yes—absolutely.  Bob: —that they don't have more to say than that?   Barbara: Oh, absolutely because there are people that are very reluctant to be transparent. You just take what you get and say, “Thank you for sharing that,”— Bob: Okay.  Barbara: —because it is true that we need to be grateful that we have hot water coming out of the shower.  Bob: Yes.  Barbara: So, you know, that may be a baby step to that person, thinking, “But there is more too.”   Dennis: Well, these questions are safe for people, who aren't followers of Christ. Here is one that could be a threatening question—but I get the feeling this would be an interesting question to have everybody at the table answer: “Death and loss are a very difficult part of everyone's life. Share a loss that, in the end, brought great meaning to your life.” Well, I'd want to have that question asked at the beginning of the meal to allow someone some time to think about it before answering.  Bob: Time to process—you don't want to put them on the spot for that one.  Dennis: No, you don't; but I've got a feeling the answer to that question could bring you really a whole lot closer to a family member or, maybe, a stranger at your table that otherwise wouldn't happen.  21:00 I think what we are looking for, in this crowded culture we live in—in fact, one educator has referred to it, “We suffer today from crowded loneliness.”  I think we've got a lot of casual relationships. We may have hundreds of friends on Facebook®, and Twitter®, and all kinds of social media; but the question is: “Does anybody know you?  Does anybody know what's going on in your life?”  These holidays are built for families to truly connect with one another.  Bob: Well, a tool like this makes it easy. That's why you created it; right?   Barbara: Yes.  Bob: We've got copies of the new “Untie Your Story.”  You did an original set of these on the subject of gratitude—these napkin ties. Now, there is a second volume that's got new questions.  22:00 You can order one or both sets of the “Untie Your Story” gratitude spools from us. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about this resource that Barbara Rainey has put together. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, “GO DEEPER;” or call to order—1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY.”   Let me just also mention—there are other resources on thanksgiving and gratitude that we have available. You can check those out, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or if you have any questions about the resources we have available, give us a call.  You know, this whole issue of gratitude is something that the Scriptures explain, “This is a part of what a transformed life ought to look like.”  As God pours His grace into us, what ought to come out is the grace of gratitude.  23:00 Thankfulness should be more and more a part of what is in our lives. Our goal, here at FamilyLife Today, is to help cultivate in you and in your family these kinds of godly graces. We want to see your family moving in the direction of godliness. We want to see all of us embracing God's design for us, as a family. We're grateful for those of you who share that vision with us and who help support this ministry to make this daily radio program possible.  Right now, if you can help with a donation, we'd love to send you a book from Barbara Rainey called Growing Together in Gratitude. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, “I care,”—make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation over the phone. Or mail your donation to us at FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.  24:00 And with that, we've got to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for being with us. Hope you have a great weekend, and I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday. Pastor Darrin Patrick is going to be here. We're going to talk about men being men in marriage. He's written a book called The Dude's Guide to Marriage. So, if you are a dude, tune in; or if you know a dude, encourage him to tune in on Monday.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesExalting Easter (Part 1) - Making the Most of EasterExalting Easter (Part 2) - Remembering the ResurrectionFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Making the Most of Easter Guest:                        Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Ideas for Celebrating Easter (Day 1 of 5)Air date:                     March 27, 2017  Bob: We are in the middle of the Lenten season; and yet, many Christians don't know what Lent is all about. Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: Lent is to Easter what Advent is to Christmas—does that make sense? Lent is to Easter what Advent is to Christmas. Both of them are times of preparing to celebrate God's intervention on our behalf—the coming of Christ at Christmas and then the sacrifice and resurrection of Christ at Easter. Both of them are very important holidays, but Easter is the most important. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, March 27th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We'll hear today from Barbara Rainey about what we can do, as moms and dads, to draw more attention to the most important day of the year—Resurrection Day. Stay with us.  1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. If any of our listeners are not interested in getting fired up about Easter and the resurrection of Jesus, they ought to go ahead and tune the—turn their channel somewhere else right now. Dennis: I'm telling you—this is the greatest season of all. I love Christmas—I think Christmas is fantastic. Obviously, Easter would not be possible had not Christmas come first. But this [Easter] is the holiday on which all of the Christian faith really pivots. Bob: Your wife is joining us this week.  Barbara, I used to think that Thanksgiving was your favorite holiday. Didn't it used to be your favorite holiday? Barbara: It did—used to be my favorite holiday. Bob: But something has happened. Barbara: It's not anymore.  Bob: Why? Barbara: I still love Thanksgiving / Thanksgiving is great fun. But I absolutely love Easter; because I have come to understand it in a way that I didn't, years ago—what it's all about and how pivotal it is, as Dennis has just said.  2:00  Without Easter, nothing else would matter. We wouldn't have Thanksgiving; we wouldn't have Christmas; we wouldn't have anything because we would still be in our sin. We would have no hope; and we wouldn't understand forgiveness; and we wouldn't understand love. It's everything. So, to me—because I've come to understand that Easter is all about everything that God intended—to me, we need to do a better job of celebrating it. Bob: It's interesting—if you read I Corinthians 15, which is that resurrection chapter— Barbara: Right. Dennis: Did you look over my shoulder? Bob: I did not! [Laughter] Paul begins that chapter by saying, “This is of first importance.” He said, “I delivered to you what is of first importance.” Then he goes on and he says it's the gospel / the good news. You can summarize the gospel into: Jesus died, He was buried, and He was resurrected—that's at the heart of our message. He goes on to say [paraphrased], “You take that away, we got nothing.” Barbara: Right; he said, “If Christ wasn't raised, our faith is in vain.” 3:00 Dennis: Yes; that's what I was reading—I Corinthians 15, verse 17-19. If you haven't read it—to your children; to one another, as husband and wife; or to a friend—you just ought to remind somebody of this truth / it says, “And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile,”—empty—  Barbara: —pointless— Dennis: —“and you are still in your sins,”—which means you're still guilty, as charged, before Almighty God and you are falling under the wrath of God. Then it goes on to say, “Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished,”—they don't have eternal life / they died—they went to hell! And verse 19, “If in this life only, we have hope in Christ, we of all people are most to be pitied.”  What's Paul saying there?—if Christ did not defeat death / if the resurrection is not a reality, then we are without hope.  4:00 Bob: We are basing everything on a lie. Dennis: I mentioned it earlier—all of Christianity pivots on the reality and the historical fact that Jesus Christ lived, died, rose again, and is seated at the right hand of God. Bob: Barbara, you had the opportunity, a number of years ago, to share with our listeners at an event. You were sharing about your growing burden and passion for the celebration of Easter. It's interesting to listen back to this because you can see how it's starting to formulate and take shape in your own thinking. Again, this is from a few years back, as Barbara is connecting with a group of our listeners about why Easter is so important. [Recorded Message] Barbara: About a year ago, Dennis and I were listening to a sermon by Tim Keller.  5:00 During the sermon, he quoted this stanza of a hymn; and I had never heard it before. The stanza of the hymn [Thou Art Coming to a King] goes like this—that I memorized: Thou art coming to a King, Large petitions with thee bring.For His grace and power are suchNone can ever ask too much. I just thought: “Wow! I am coming to the King every time I pray.” So often, I come with little things—selfish things: “Lord, help me find a parking place,”—just trivial, dumb stuff; right? But when I heard that that day, I thought: “I'm coming to the King. God wants me to come before Him with prayers that are worthy of Him.” It's not that He doesn't want us to pray about small things—I still pray about small things—but it lifted my eyes to the magnitude of who He is and what He wants me to do.  After I heard that and I kept thinking about it—I kept saying those verses over and over in my head—I said, one day—I said: “Lord, what do You want me to pray?  6:00 “What large petitions do You want me to bring before Your throne?”  The first thing that popped into my head was “Easter.” I thought: “That's it! I'm going to start praying that God would give me the privilege of helping us change the way we celebrate Easter.” I have been thinking about it anyway; but when I heard those stanzas out of that hymn, I thought: “That's it! I want God to use me and many others to help change the way we celebrate Easter—not only in our country—but around the world.”  I'm going to explain to you why I think that's so important. I want to tell you a little bit about the history of Easter and also the corresponding holiday of Lent. From this—I read in A.W. Tozer's book—he said, “To the early Christians, Easter was not a holiday.” We think of it as a holiday; don't we? He said: “It wasn't even a holy day. It wasn't even a day at all—to the early Christians.”  7:00 He said, “Instead, it was an accomplished fact that lived with them all year long.” He said, “They did not celebrate His rising from the dead and then go back to their everyday lives and wait another year.” He said, “They lived by the fact that Christ had risen from the dead and they had risen with Him.” That's the way Easter should be celebrated. When I read that, I thought: “That's what I want! I want to help us, in this country, find a way to elevate the celebration of Easter; because it is the pinnacle of our faith. If it were not for the cross, we would all be lost.” We should celebrate it as the important event that it was in our lives.  I want to tell you a little bit about Lent, because Lent is something that I've been recently discovering. I grew up in the Methodist church. We never talked about Lent / we never celebrated Lent.  8:00 I had a lot of friends, as a child, in the Catholic Church. They celebrated Lent; and it didn't make sense to me / I didn't understand it.  Lent was first sort of instituted many, many, many centuries ago out of the Council of Nicea in 325. Three hundred years after Christ, the church fathers got together. They were writing documents to help clarify people's faith and to put into writing the universal statements and tenets of our belief. During that council, they wrote a piece about Lent. They wanted to give believers several practical ways of celebrating church life. It was described as a 40-day time period to mirror Jesus' 40 days in the wilderness.  Lent was given to the churches to prepare believers for Resurrection Sunday. Lent also means “the lengthening of days.” So, as we begin Lent, it's still wintertime; but by the time we get to Easter, the days are longer /spring has come. So, the word, “Lent,” also means “the lengthening of days.” 9:00 Here's what I want you to remember to think about it—Lent is to Easter what Advent is to Christmas. Both of them are times of preparing to celebrate God's intervention on our behalf—the coming of Christ at Christmas and, then, the sacrifice and resurrection of Christ at Easter. Both of them are very important holidays, but Easter is the most important. But today—and you all know this just as well as I do—there is a great disparity in the way we celebrate those two holidays; isn't there?—a big, big difference! How much time do you spend celebrating and preparing for Christmas?—if you'll just think about it / you don't need to give me answers—but more than likely, most people in this room spend days and weeks getting ready for Christmas—decorating for Christmas, shopping for Christmas, cooking for Christmas. Some people spend months; right?  When do we start thinking about Christmas?  10:00 A lot of us start thinking about Christmas in January. We start thinking about our list—we find things on sale. I mean, I used to do this—it was more of a practical matter for me. Ashley, my daughter, does it; because it's a practical matter for her. I used to find things on sale; and I would think, “Oh, that would be a great gift for this child,” so I would buy it and stick it in a closet. Because of everything that's wrapped up in the Christmas holiday, we start thinking about it really early. If you don't start thinking about it in January, you might start thinking about it in June or July; if not in June or July, most people—for sure—in the fall. In other words / the point is—we think about it way before the actual day. By contrast, how much time do we spend thinking about and preparing for Easter? When do you start thinking about and preparing for Easter? If you're like most people—maybe, on Palm Sunday, which is seven days before Easter Sunday—maybe, not even until Thursday or Friday before Easter Sunday—or maybe not at all / maybe, Easter Sunday is just another Sunday. 11:00 That, to me, is really, really sad. I think the modern reality for most of us is—we do a little something / we may have a special dinner. If you have kids at home, they may get new clothes, you have little Easter baskets or whatever, and you go to church. Then, we come home—and life is back to normal—watch TV, watch golf, do errands, kids do homework. There's nothing really different about the day in which we celebrate the resurrection of Christ. Did you know that Jesus never told us to celebrate His birth? He never told us to celebrate His birth. What did He tell us to celebrate? What did He tell us to commemorate and remember?—His death, burial, and resurrection. He told us to focus on His sacrifice for us.  12:00 What do we do? We get it all backwards. There was a poll conducted in 2012 asking people some basic questions about Easter. Only 55 percent correctly identified Judas as the man who betrayed Christ—only half of the people interviewed correctly knew who Judas was. Another question was about Pontius Pilate. Again, only half of the people correctly knew who Pontius Pilate was. There were some people who thought he was one of Jesus' disciples. And then, another question—the response was really low. There were only 21 percent of these people interviewed who knew anything about what Good Friday and Easter was. It's such an illustration, again, that the meaning of Easter has been lost. I think, if the poll were taken on Christmas, more people would know that Christmas was about Jesus' birthday.  13:00 I want to encourage you to begin to think about Lent. It's been kind of a new discovery. I've noticed, in our church—we go to a Bible Church—and our church is beginning to put some emphasis on Lent. I'm really grateful that they are. For the last two years, we've had a Lent service on Ash Wednesday; and it was a wonderful service.  So, let me tell you just a little bit about Lent. Sometime after the Reformation—I don't know when—most Protestant churches began to distance themselves from the practice of Lent. Lent was a very integral part of believers' lives from the Council of Nicea in 325 until sometime after the Reformation. The Reformation started with Luther, when he nailed his 95 theses on the door of the church. For a long, long time, Lent was an integral part of church life; and then it kind of began to go away.  As I said before—Lent is to Easter what Advent is to Christmas. It's a wonderful time to prepare for the greatest moment in history—the resurrection of Christ.  14:00 A lot of people give up something for Lent. It's not necessary to do that, but the whole point of Lent is to prepare your heart to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Let me give you a couple of tips on practicing—or what to do with Lent—if you decided you want to do this and it's a foreign concept. Here are a couple of things that might be helpful.  It's a time, first of all, to prepare for Resurrection Sunday. Secondly, it's a time for families to grow together spiritually and biblically. We have a product called “Messiah Mystery™.” If you have children—and even if you don't have children—you might want to consider doing this. This is a product that we've created for Lent. It's a resource to help you and your family focus in on the need for Jesus Christ: “Why did He come? Why did He have to die? Why did He sacrifice His life on our behalf?” It's simply six sessions that you do once a week.  15:00 You start on Ash Wednesday. Then, a week later, on the next Wednesday, you can do session two; then session three; and so on. It takes you up to Easter Sunday.  What it does is—it walks you through the Old Testament. In Session One, it talks about Adam and Eve in the Fall—and what that meant for us, as human beings—yet, how in the very first words that God spoke right after the Fall, He gave a promise that there would be a Messiah. Then, another lesson is on the Passover; another lesson is on the Temple and all the symbolism in the Temple that hinted at the coming Christ. It's a way for you, in your home, to grow together, during Lent, and build some anticipation for Easter Sunday. Another suggestion on Lent is that many people fast from something during Lent. It doesn't have to be food—I know people who have fasted from Facebook® / I know people who have fasted from reading books or— 16:00 —it doesn't really matter. The point of it is—the reason that choosing to give something up for Lent is meaningful—is because it reminds us that Jesus Christ gave everything for us. Some people choose to do that because it's a way to remind them, on a daily basis, for the six weeks of Lent, that: “Jesus Christ gave His all for me. Therefore, I can sacrifice something for Him.” Then, last, for those people who do choose to fast—Lent is 46 days long. The reason it's 46 days long and not just 40 is because the church has historically regarded every Sunday as a mini-Resurrection Sunday. So, Sundays are to be celebrated / Sundays are to rejoice in—Sundays are not a time to fast and to mourn. If you choose to do that, you fast Monday through Saturday. Then, on Sunday, the fast is broken. You celebrate the risen Christ on Sunday and then, again, on Monday, you would start the fast again. 17:00 [Studio] Bob: I remember, in the years when we had children at home, and we were participating in Lenten fasts—there were nights on Saturday night when we waited up until midnight because then it was Sunday — Barbara: You could eat! Bob: —and we could eat those chocolate chip cookies. We were baking them. [Laughter] Barbara: —at 11:00 at night! Bob: Oh; yes! It was a big deal! Dennis: I think God knows that we, as human beings—we need to celebrate. It's clear—He had seven different feasts in the Old Testament. The nation of Israel enjoyed to celebrate who God is, what God had done, what God was going to do. In fact, there were three feasts around the issue of Christ's coming, and defeating death, and resurrection that the Israelites celebrated—one of which was called Passover. 18:00 Barbara: I started learning about Passover a few of years ago in Bible study. The significance wrapped up in the Passover celebration, which included two other feasts— the whole group was called Passover—but the symbolism and the prophetic elements that look forward to Christ are just amazing.  A year ago, I remember—I came to Dennis and I said to him, “I think we should go to the local Jewish temple and experience Passover with them; because they do it together. They all gather and they do Passover, and the Rabbi leads them through the Passover experience. I said, “Let's go see what that's like.” So we bought our tickets, and we— Dennis: No, no, no! It's not that simple, Bob! I said: “Say what? You want to go to a synagogue?” And you said? Barbara: I said: “Yes! Let's do it.” Dennis: I've got to tell you—it was a great experience / it really was fun to go do it; because it took us back and immersed us back to the Old Testament. All of this proclaimed who Christ is— 19:00 —that He has come, He died, and He rose again, and He's coming back! I was so glad we went to that, because it really gave us a sense of our biblical roots around a very common celebration for Christians, here in our country. I think, if you have never been to a synagogue or to a temple, maybe it's time to venture out during Passover and see if you experience what I experienced. Bob: At the center of the celebration of Passover was the Lamb who was slain for the forgiveness of sin. Barbara: One of the things that is so interesting about Passover is that the story comes out of Exodus, when the children of Israel were in Egypt. God commanded them to get a lamb—every family had to get a lamb, and they kept the lamb—then, on the 14th of the month, that lamb was then killed and sacrificed for their sin. They did that for the first time in Egypt, the night before Pharaoh let them go.  20:00 One of the things, if your family ever watched the movie, The Ten Commandments, one of the things that is so memorable about that movie—one of many things—is they show the Israelites, literally, with a bowl of blood and some kind of a brush; and they painted on their doorways. First of all, it's an illustration of Easter. It's a clear picture of what Christ did for us—He shed His blood for us so that we would be passed over, which is where the word, Passover, comes from.  A fun exercise for families is to actually pretend to do that. Go out to your front door—I've done this at our house. You can buy washable finger paint in red, and you can literally paint it around your door. It will wash off—I did it; and it will come off, even if your doorframe is painted white. Or you can get a red ribbon or a red sash and hang it over your door on the night of Passover—or on Good Friday—because that's when Christ died—was on Passover / on the actual Passover day that year.  21:00 It's a way to bring the two feasts together, practically, today with our families—to bring Passover into our present-day Easter experience. Bob: You've got a resource you've created called “Behold the Lamb,” where you have printed eight cards, each one using one of the I AM names of Jesus from the Gospel of John, each one designed to be read on a different day during Holy Week, with the last one on Resurrection Sunday. Throughout the week, these cards can be displayed in your home on a chained garland—that you created—with I AM in the middle of it. In addition to the “Behold the Lamb” resource, there is the “He Is Risen Banner” that you hang on your front door. On one side it has a lamb—and it says, “I am the Resurrection and the Life” and on Easter morning, you flip it over, and there is a crown, and it says, “He is Risen!” Go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you'd like to see what Barbara has been working on. Again, all of these resources have the same goal in mind—  22:00 —you want to see us more focused, more aware, more thoughtful about the Easter holiday as we prepare for it and as we celebrate it on Resurrection Sunday. Our website, again, is FamilyLifeToday.com—you can see all that Barbara has been working on there. Or if you have any specific questions or would like to place an order by phone, call 1-800-FL-TODAY; and someone on our team can help with any questions you have.  This really syncs up with what listeners have told us, over the years, they are looking for from us; because they have said the spiritual training, and equipping, and formation of their children is their number one parenting priority—the number one thing they want help with. We try, regularly, to provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriage, for your family / for you, as parents, as you are raising your children. The resources we are creating, these radio programs, the articles we have online—all of it is designed to help your home stay centered in Christ.  23:00 We appreciate those of you who partner with us in this endeavor and help us reach more and more families every year by supporting the ministry of FamilyLife Today. Every time you support this ministry, you are making it possible for more moms and dads / more husbands and wives to get the kind of practical biblical help and hope that you hear on this program every day. A special “Thank you,” to our Legacy Partners for your regular support—it makes a big difference, here at FamilyLife.  If you can help with a donation today, we'd love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a set of “Resurrection Eggs®”—a dozen plastic eggs designed to help your children or grandchildren better understand the last week in Jesus' life—from His triumphal entry all the way through to His Resurrection.  24:00 That's our thank-you gift when you go online to make a donation at FamilyLifeToday.com; or when you call and donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can request a set of “Resurrection Eggs” when you mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. Tomorrow, we'll talk more about how we can make Easter a bigger deal in our homes and with our families. I hope you can join us for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.    Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com   

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesExalting Easter (Part 1) - Making the Most of EasterExalting Easter (Part 2) - Remembering the ResurrectionFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Remembering the Resurrection Guest:                        Barbara Rainey                                From the series:       Ideas for Celebrating Easter (Day 2 of 5)Air date:                     March 28, 2017  Bob: The great hymn writer, Isaac Watts, knew the significance of Jesus' death and resurrection—he wrote: “When I survey the wondrous cross, on which the Prince of Glory died, my richest gain I count as loss, and pour contempt on all my pride.” Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: When you think about what Jesus did for us, we should be speechless; we should be in awe; we should fall on our faces. That's the kind of experience / that's the kind of emotion—that's what I think we need in Easter. It shouldn't be a holiday that we just kind of say, “Oh, well.” We need to feel some of what Jesus felt; and we need to be in awe; and we need to marvel over what He did for us. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, March 28th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  1:00 We'll hear today from Barbara Rainey about things we can do to help prepare our hearts so that we can, indeed, marvel at all Christ has done as we celebrate His resurrection. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. If this was last year, Easter would be over—or almost over. Barbara: It would be; yes. Bob: You know, one of the things that makes celebrating Easter more of a challenge for us is that it's not on the same day every year! Barbara: Yes. Dennis: Right. Bob: I mean, Thanksgiving moves—but it's always the fourth Thursday in November. Barbara: But it doesn't ever change months. Bob: Right. Barbara: It's always near the end of the month; so even if the date moves, it doesn't move very far. Bob: But Easter can be anywhere from, I think—March 22nd or 23rd—I think it's about the earliest it can be— Barbara: Yes; yes. Bob: —to where it is now, which is April 16th—or even later than that. 2:00 Barbara: Oh, it can be later; because a couple of years ago, it was on the 23rd. Bob: Well, it's obvious we've got your wife joining us, again, this week on FamilyLife Today.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: You just jumped right in; didn't you? Barbara: I did; yes! [Laughter] Bob: This is one of those topics that you just jump in on, right from the start. Barbara: Yes; I kind of care about this a little bit. [Laughter] Bob: In fact, one of the things you're hoping for this year is to motivate, equip, and inspire a lot of moms and dads to make Easter more central in their home, in the weeks leading up to the celebration of Jesus' resurrection, but even, specifically, during Holy Week—  Barbara: Yes. Bob: —and then during Easter weekend. Barbara: Yes; that's right. We've just totally missed—I've said it often in the last couple of years—that Jesus commanded us to remember His death and to focus on His resurrection. He never said that He wants us to celebrate His birth. And what have we done, as Christians? We've completely flipped it upside down, which is typical of us—to get what He said completely wrong—  3:00 —just realizing that we put so much time and energy in on Christmas, and He didn't ask us to do that—and we put so little time and energy on celebrating Easter; and He did tell us to celebrate, and remember, and commemorate what He did for us. It's kind of like: “Well, duh! Of course, we need to do more about Easter.” I'm on a personal campaign for my own family to make Easter memorable / to make it a very big deal—to celebrate / to have a fancy meal. I don't even know what we're going to eat this year, but we're going to knock it out of the park; because I just don't want it to be an ordinary Sunday anymore. I want it to be something that really stands out in our memories—that that Sunday / Easter Sunday was like no other Sunday. Bob: You have enlisted some help—you've put together a survey and started getting results back. Barbara: I did; yes. Last spring, I sent out a survey to a fairly large group.  4:00 It's probably not scientifically accurate; but nonetheless, we sent out a survey to a bunch of people that we know—who have used some of the products that we've created/the resources that we've created with their families—who seem to care about Easter and want to make more of Easter. I sent them a long list of questions, and I had so much fun reading their answers. There were all kinds of really creative ideas for how to celebrate Easter and make it special, make it set apart, and make it different than any other Sunday. I compiled all of those. I'm hoping that we can get to some of the best ones, in the next couple of days, as we talk about this together; because there were some really good ideas—some that I'm going to adopt and do myself. Bob: Can you give us an example of one? Barbara: Yes; I would love to give you an idea. One family wrote and said that they acted out the Palm Sunday story every year with their kids. They got out the Bible—they read the story right out of the Bible of Jesus making His triumphal entry on the donkey into Jerusalem, with all of the palm branches and everything.  5:00 Acting it out at home is a little different than Palm Sunday at church, when the kids all come in with their palm branches; because, at home, they can put on robes and put things over their head, and they can sort of act out the different characters, and make up speeches of what they think the disciples might have said, or what the people might have said on the side of the road. There's something about acting out the Bible stories with a family.  When we used to do it, I always watched. There were some of our kids—you could tell the lights were going on / they were going, “Oh!” as they acted out this particular situation in the Bible. There's something about it that makes it real, and it sinks into their soul in a deeper way. So one really easy idea for a family, especially if you've got kids 12 and under, is to read the Palm Sunday story—and get out some robes, and bath towels, and things—and let them act out the scene. Dennis: And, of course, dad has got to be the donkey! [Laughter] Barbara: Yes! Of course—Dad's always the donkey! [Laughter] 6:00 Bob: Beast of burden, right here! [Laughter] Dennis: That's right! Bob: You know, it's interesting; because there are a lot of churches today that—you go on Palm Sunday, and you'll never know it is Palm Sunday. Barbara: Yes; sadly. Bob: I'm remembering carrying palm branches in, as a kid, during the worship service and singing specific hymns that we used to sing [singing]: “Hosanna, loud hosanna, to Jesus Christ our King!” We had all of these songs— Barbara: Yes; yes. Bob: —All Glory, Laud, and Honor was a big hymn you would sing on Palm Sunday every year. Barbara: Yes; we did it too. Bob: But in many of our churches today—  Barbara: —it's just another Sunday. Bob: Yes. Dennis: And don't miss the raw reality of Christ coming on a donkey. He was the King of kings and the Lord of lords, and He came riding in on one of the lowliest of all of the creatures God made. He could have come on a magnificent, white stallion. No; He waits to do that in Revelation, Chapter 19—that's quite a scene! 7:00 Bob: You spoke, a few years ago, with an audience of FamilyLife Today listeners, talking with them about this idea of how to set Easter apart in your home and make it more than we make of it. We want to listen today to Part Two of what you shared with those listeners. So here's Barbara Rainey. [Recorded Message] Barbara: I want to give you four suggestions / four ways that you might begin to make Easter a more important holiday for you and your family. I would hope and pray that perhaps you would influence others—maybe even your church—to find ways to celebrate Easter in a more meaningful way that properly exalts and magnifies Him for what He has done for us. So here's my first suggestion on how to elevate Easter this year. Number one: “Forget the bunnies and the chicks.” They have absolutely nothing to do with Easter; and yet—I've been watching for the last few years—and that's all there is in stores.  8:00 That's what I see on people's front doors / it's what I see in their yards. It's what I see, everywhere, related to Easter.  Now, we Christians have found some really creative uses for eggs. FamilyLife has “Resurrection Eggs®” as a resource that we've created to help families or help churches communicate the gospel and the story of the resurrection to children. So it's a dozen eggs—and each egg has a symbol of what happened in Jesus' life—and it points to the resurrection, with the last egg being empty to illustrate the empty tomb.  I've also thought through how interesting it is that Paul said in the Scripture—he said, “When I was a child, I thought like a child; but when I became an adult, I put away childish things.” “Resurrection Eggs” are for kids, and they're great for kids; but I'm not going to decorate with bunnies and chicks anymore. I want my house to reflect the resurrection of Christ and what's true about Him.  9:00 I think part of the reason that we do focus on those things is because they're cute, and they're easy, and they're nice. There are some facts about the resurrection that are not particularly attractive, and they're not easy to know what to do with. So, my first suggestion is to get rid of those things that don't have anything to do with Christ and focus on Him. My second suggestion is: “Don't dismiss the difficult.” See, the resurrection is a real difficult concept; isn't it? It's all about blood; it's all about death; and it's all about betrayal. It's really hard, isn't it, for us to understand that? What's Christmas about? It's about a baby; it's about presents; it's about stars; and it's about angels. Christmas is a feel-good holiday. Easter is not a feel-good holiday. But I think, as believers, we've got to move into that which is difficult.  10:00 I don't think we should run away from it. Jesus told us to commemorate His death / He told us to commemorate His resurrection. One of the things that He said—that I just can't quite get over—He said in John 12:49, “I do nothing on my own initiative.” He said, “I always do the things that are pleasing to the Father.” Now, think about that for a minute—Jesus said, “I do nothing”— nothing/nothing—“on my own initiative.”  Now, if you're anything like me—and you are—I do lots of things on my own initiative. I'm always making decisions that are good for me. I'm always thinking about what I want to do / where I want to go. I do a lot on my own initiative. But Jesus never did one single thing on His own initiative. 11:00 And because He did nothing on His own initiative, He rejected any whispers that He heard in His ear from the enemy to walk away from the cross. He submitted His life to the evil plans of wicked priests, who had schemes that they were trying to work. He willingly shed His blood for you and for me. So, I want to challenge you: “Don't dismiss the difficult.” The third thing I want to challenge you to do is: “Focus on the Lamb.”  If you want a softer symbol for Easter, the Lamb is it; because in the book of John—when John the Baptist saw Jesus—he called Him what?—the Lamb of God. He said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.”  When you focus on the Lamb, and you learn about what He did, and you learn about Passover, and you learn about the sacrifice that God required, then Easter Sunday is so much more meaningful; because you understand why Jesus had to do what He had to do.  12:00 To think that He did this because He loved us—it's all the more stunning / it's all the more shocking. Focus on the Lamb / learn about the Lamb. Jesus said, in Hebrews 10:5—He said, “A body Thou hast prepared for Me.” The body Jesus had was destined, from the very beginning, to be slain for us; because He was the Lamb of God. From the very beginning, Jesus was destined for sacrifice. He voluntarily gave His perfectly-lived life on the cross for me and for you. Good Friday is good because of the Lamb. I want to challenge you to: “Focus on the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.” And then number four: I want to challenge you to: “Marvel at the miracle.” Have you ever witnessed a miraculous event happen? Or have you been to a really amazing geographical place like the Grand Canyon, or Niagara Falls, or Victoria Falls?— 13:00 —something that just takes your breath away? When you go to a place like that, or you see something like that, we're often speechless. I want to read you something that John Piper says in his book—it's called The Passion of Jesus Christ. It's 50 chapters—just two little short-page chapters each—about all the reasons why Jesus had to die. He said:  The most astonishing thing is that evil and suffering were Christ's appointed way of victory over evil and suffering. Every act of treachery and brutality against Jesus was sinful and evil, but God was in it. The Bible says, “Jesus was delivered up to death, according to the plan and foreknowledge of God.”  The lash on His back, the thorns on His head, the spit on His cheek, the bruises on His face, the nails in His hand, the desertion by the disciples, the betrayal of a friend, and the scorn of the rulers— 14:00 —all designed by God to destroy the power of sin. Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the people of Israel, did “whatever Your hand and Your plan had predetermined to take place.” And that last verse is out of Acts.  So, when you think about what Jesus did for us, we should be speechless; we should be in awe; we should fall on our faces. That's the kind of experience / that's the kind of emotion—that's what I think we need in Easter. It shouldn't be a holiday that we just kind of go, “Oh well.” We need to feel some of what Jesus felt. We need to be in awe, and we need to marvel over what He did for us. So how do you marvel at Easter? Do you prepare for days, creating an all-day celebration like none other, all year long?— 15:00 —maybe. That might be a good idea. Or do you jump, and cheer, and even cry for joy, as so many of us do for our favorite sports teams? When was the last time you were in a group of people, and you celebrated Christ's resurrection, and everyone jumped, and cheered, and screamed, and hollered, and did like this—like we do for sports teams? I watch these stadiums, full of people, who are just jumping, and cheering, and just screaming their lungs out! But what do we do in church? It's okay—we don't all have to do that—but on Easter Sunday / on the day that Christ rose from the dead and rescued us—for us to sit there as if it's just any old other Sunday—I don't think so / I don't think so. Another question: “Do you dance with abandon like David did when the Ark of the Covenant was returned to Jerusalem?”  16:00 He was so exultant / he was so excited that God's presence was back that he danced for joy. Again, I think that's a good example for us to consider, as we think about Easter. How can we, as parishioners / how can we, as the people of the church, as believers in Christ, make Easter something that calls out that kind of celebration, that kind of worship, that kind of joy in us so that the world says: “Well, I wonder what's going on over there? Why are they so excited? I want to know!” I want to challenge you to make a difference this year. I am praying, regularly, that God would grant us the favor, and the ideas, and the creativity, and the stamina to come up with some really cool ideas for celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ.  17:00 I'm praying that many of you will be a part of that—that many of you will think of some ideas / that many of you will come up with something that your church can do. What can you do to celebrate, all day, on Resurrection Sunday? I believe that you can make a difference, and I believe that God wants to use you to make a difference in this holiday.  I want to mention a couple of things; but before I do that, I want to remind you of that verse [from Thou Art Coming to a King hymn]:  Thou art coming to a King, Large petitions with thee bring.For His grace and power are suchNone can ever ask too much. I want to challenge you to think about that in relation to your life, in relation to your church, and in relation to Easter too.  I want to close with a little prayer—it's in the back of this book by John Piper that I think is really appropriate:  Father, I pray for us—I pray for all of us—that the fog of our indifference to eternal things would be lifted.  18:00 I pray that the reality of heaven and hell would become clear to us. I pray that the centrality of Christ in the history of the world would become plain; and that His passion, His sacrifice, His death would be seen as the most important event that ever happened.  [Not part of Piper's prayer]: And I pray, Father, that You will grant me and many in this room ideas, and creativity, and motivation. Help us, Father, to elevate the celebration of Easter—the celebration of Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection--to a place that is worthy of what He did for us. I ask this that You might be honored and glorified. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. [Studio] Bob: Well, again, we've been listening to Barbara Rainey as she has been sharing with a group of FamilyLife Today listeners about how to make Easter more significant in your home.  19:00 And this was before you had done the survey you did last spring, where you asked people for ideas. You got some pretty interesting ideas.  Barbara: I got some great ideas. One of the ideas that I want to share just briefly hinges back to what Dennis said, a few minutes ago, about Revelation—the whole idea that one day, we will be married / we will be in a wedding ceremony—there will be a marriage of us, as the believers, to Jesus, the Lamb of God. It says in Revelation 19:8, “It was granted to her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure, for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.” You know, for a long time on Easter, people wore white. I always wondered, “Why did they wear white?” I think this is why they wore white—I think two reasons, actually: One is because it honors the purity of Christ's life and His sacrifice on our behalf; but I think it also looks forward to the day when we will be pure and righteous as He is, and we will be dressed in all white.  20:00 I'm looking forward, this year, to making this a white Easter. I'm going to challenge everybody I know / I'm going to encourage my kids to begin thinking about, “What can we wear that's white to symbolize who Christ is, and what He did, and what we will look like someday?” I wanted to say that now, because we women need time to kind of get ready. We might need to dig through our closets / we may need to do some shopping; but—[Laughter] In other words— Dennis: I'm thinking, “What will I wear?” Bob: Does Dennis have white? Barbara: No; he doesn't. It's not just wearing white / it's wearing shades of white. Bob: There is a significance of wearing white—Revelation 19 declares it—  Barbara: Yes; yes. Bob: —the “righteous deeds of the saints.” Ultimately, our righteousness—the reason we wear white—is because of the alien righteousness / the righteousness of Christ. Barbara: Exactly. Bob: We can't stand before God, spotless, apart from Him. Barbara: —on our own. Bob: That's what Easter's all about.  21:00 The thing is—we regularly forget the gospel. We regularly drift back into our default setting, which is self-righteousness / wanting to justify ourselves by our own works. I think having the resources you've created in our homes during the Easter season—and for that matter, all year long—just is a constant way of reminding us of what's true. Because of our forgetfulness, we need things that tell us, every day, that our hope is in Christ—that it is finished.  One of the things I love that you've created recently is the art board that says “Tetelestai / It is finished” in the form of a cross / and then—the candle wrappers that you've created as well. These are hard to describe on radio. I would encourage our listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and see what you've been working on and think about how these might look in your home to help you and your family.  22:00 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you want to see what Barbara has been working on. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  You know, the same way that the resurrection of Christ is at the heart of the Christian faith, our belief in Christ and in His resurrection are at the heart of what makes a marriage and a family thrive. Unless your marriage and family is anchored in a strong biblical foundation, you're going to find yourself experiencing all kinds of challenges and not knowing what to do with them. Here, at FamilyLife, our goal is to help every home become a godly home—to remind us that we need to rely on the power of God's Holy Spirit in our lives, day in and day out, in order to live the kind of lives that God has called us to live.  23:00 We appreciate those of you who share our burden for seeing every home become a more godly home. When you donate to support FamilyLife Today, you're saying you want this message to go to more people tomorrow than it's going to today; because every dollar invested—that's what it's going for—to expand the reach of this ministry so more people can grow deeper in their walk with Christ, in their marriage, and in their family. We appreciate those of you who are contributors to this ministry, both as monthly Legacy Partners and those of you who will, occasionally, make a contribution to support FamilyLife Today.  If you can make a donation today, we'd love to send you a set of “Resurrection Eggs,®” a tool you can use with your children or your grandchildren during the Easter season to help teach them the story of Jesus' last week on earth. Ask for a set of “Resurrection Eggs” when you donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation.  24:00 Or you can request the “Resurrection Eggs” when you mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.  Tomorrow, Barbara Rainey's going to be back. We're going to continue to talk about the celebration of Easter, both during the weeks leading up to the holiday, and the actual day itself. I hope you can be here for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com   

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesReclaiming Easter (Part 1) - The Miracle of EasterReclaiming Easter (Part 2) - Regaining the High GroundReclaiming Easter (Part 3) - It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...EasterFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Miracle of Easter Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Reclaiming Easter (Day 1 of 4)Air date:                     March 16, 2015  Bob: This is the season of the year—the Easter season—when Barbara Rainey says we ought to be contemplating how, as forgiven people, we have a responsibility to forgive others. Barbara: It's essential for every marriage, it's essential for every family, it's essential for every working relationship because we're all broken and we're all going to make mistakes. We're going to all need to, not only give forgiveness, but to be granted forgiveness. The more families can talk about forgiveness, the more it becomes something that they understand / they can grasp—they know how to practice it / they know what it looks like. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, March 16th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We're going to focus today on how you can make the Easter season a more special and more meaningful season at your house. Stay tuned. 1:00 Bob: And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, if this was the couple of weeks leading up to Christmas, we would all be very aware that Christmas was just around the corner. You couldn't go anywhere without knowing that it's Christmas time. Dennis: The culture celebrates it—in fact, overdoes the giving aspect of Christmas. Bob: But here it is—we're a few weeks away from Easter, and there is pretty much nothing that indicates that to you if you're out in the shopping mall or if you're driving in your car. Easter just isn't talked about—it's ignored. Dennis: It, unfortunately, is—one of the most holy and profound weeks in any person who professes to follow Jesus Christ. Bob: Right. Dennis: It's because of what He did and what Easter represents that we have hope—not only of eternal life—but also a message to bring to our culture.  2:00 I'm going to tell you something, Bob—if I've ever sensed a need for us, as adults, and our children to have hope, it's today—because I think, in a lot of places, followers of Christ are being robbed of their hope. We have a special guest with us on today's broadcast. Bob: In fact, we could say this is your favorite guest; can't we? [Laughter] Dennis: I think she's been my favorite for 42 years and 43 Christmases. We laugh about this all the time. We had a big joke, early in our marriage, about how many Christmases we had celebrated. We always celebrate— Barbara: —one more Christmas than anniversary. Dennis: Yes, so it's kind of tricky—anyway, 43 Christmases / 42 years of marriage. Welcome to the broadcast, Sweetheart. Barbara: Thanks. Glad to be here. Bob: You need to be counting how many Easters you've celebrated because that's what we're talking about here; right? Barbara: That's what we're talking about—that's right. Yes, instead of Christmases—you're right. Bob: And you're very aware of the fact that this is a culturally-ignored holiday. As a result, a lot of Christians don't even think about Easter until it is like: “Oh, this Sunday, it's Easter!” 3:00 Barbara: Oh, yes—like “…tomorrow.”  Bob: Yes. Barbara: No, Christians are not thinking about it. Part of it is because we're so used to being surrounded by everything that reminds us of Christmas during the month of December and, sadly, months before the month of December; but Easter is not like that. We don't have music that's playing on the radio, we don't have decorations that are in every store, and we don't have lights strung from houses. We don't have anything that calls our attention to the fact that Easter is about to come and that Easter is the most important moment in all of history. Dennis: You believe that, today, we need to be preparing our homes and our hearts for Easter. Barbara: Exactly. We think a lot about advent when it comes to Christmas—and about preparing our hearts to worship and to rejoice at Christmas—but we don't do much of that for Easter.  4:00 Now, there are those who practice Lent—who do some preparing of their hearts for the celebration of Easter—but it's a much smaller proportion of the general population / it's a very small portion of the Christian population. As a whole, we don't do much to anticipate or prepare for the celebration of Easter. Easter should be much more joyous / much more almost rambunctious of a celebration than Christmas is because we have so much to rejoice over because of what Christ did for us on the cross. Bob: You didn't grow up in a church tradition where Lent was a part of your practice; did you? Barbara: That's correct—I did not. Dennis: Did you, Bob? Bob: I didn't either—although, in recent years, we've made it a part of our family's personal practice—just for the reason that you mentioned—so that we can begin orienting our thinking / something that reminds us, in the weeks leading up to Easter, what it is we're focusing on as we head toward the celebration of the resurrection. Have you started to engage in any of these Lenten practices yourself? 5:00 Barbara: Yes, we have. Dennis and I have talked about it. In fact, we created something for families to help families focus on preparing their hearts for Easter. We created a resource for families called The Messiah Mystery™, which helps families focus on all of the predictions in the Old Testament that foreshadow the coming of Christ and His death on the cross because so much of that is not common knowledge for believers today. It is just a great way to interact with your kids and help them understand why Christ had to come, why He had to suffer, why He had to die, and what all of that means. Dennis: Here's the thing I want our listeners to catch—we are all involved in a relay race—where one generation has been given the truth from God's Word and the experience of God in their lives—to know Christ, walk with Him, read their Bible—but we have to make a hand-off.  6:00 What FamilyLife hopefully does for you, in your marriage—your family / your grandchildren—is, hopefully, we're giving you some practical instruction of how you can take these seasons/the holidays—and this is Barbara's heart. Bob, you know it's her passion— Bob: Right. Dennis: —is to take these holidays that Christians really haven't seized. They haven't grabbed hold of them and said: “No, our family is really going to get into this. We're going to make the most of what is,” as you said, “some of the greatest days of the Christian calendar.”  I know that you, Barbara, have a strong conviction that—just as Christmas is around the theme of giving—we're missing an opportunity to really focus on and teach our children what something else is—that is all about Easter. Barbara: Well, when you think about Christmas, we all know that it's about giving. We can't get away from it. It's absolutely inescapable. It's in our faces for over a month—for weeks, and weeks, and weeks—but, when it comes to Easter, we're kind of confused about what it means. We understand that Jesus died on the cross, but we kind of don't know what to do with that.  7:00 As I was thinking about it, I thought, “The real theme for Easter is the theme of forgiveness.” Easter is all about forgiveness. It's all about Christ dying on our behalf so that we can have a right relationship with Him so that we can be reconciled to the Father.  As we celebrate, at Christmas, the gift—“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son”—we celebrate giving at Christmas. I think the counterpart for Easter is that we celebrate forgiveness—that we understand forgiveness, that we grow in forgiveness and that we talk about it, that we proclaim that we are a forgiven people. That's what makes us different / that's what sets us apart. It would just be wonderful to see families begin to focus on teaching forgiveness and practicing forgiveness at Easter like we focus on giving at Christmas. Dennis: One of the verses that is most oft repeated, here on FamilyLife Today, is Ephesians 4:32.  8:00 Paul writes, “Be kind to one another.” Am I speaking to any families here who need kindness in their family? You know, when you and I were raising kids, this was one of the big struggles we had— Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —was helping them know how to really relate to each other and be kind to one another. Paul goes on and says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God in Christ forgave you.”  What is forgiveness? It is giving up the right to punish another person. Christ modeled it—what did He do? He went to the cross so that we don't have to bear the punishment that our sins/our law-breaking result in us deserving; right? But Christ went to the cross to offer forgiveness to us if we will receive Him as our Savior, Master, and Lord.  9:00 Bob: And when you think about Easter, you have to keep in mind that, in a real sense, God didn't give up the right to punish us but, instead, He redirected the punishment that we deserve. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: That's right. Bob: He did just wave it aside and say, “Well, I'll let bygones be bygones.” He took the punishment that we deserve—He poured it out on His Son—that's what Good Friday reminds us of. Then, Easter points to the fact that, as a result, we have hope—we have transformation, we have new life—we have hope. Barbara: Yes. And I think it's a great topic for families to talk about because forgiveness is essential—for every marriage, it's essential for every family, it's essential for every working relationship—because we're all broken and we're all going to make mistakes. We're going to all need to, not only give forgiveness, but to be granted forgiveness. The more families can talk about forgiveness, the more it becomes something that they understand / they can grasp—they know how to practice it / they know how to give it.  It's such a foreign concept to us, in our humanity, because we aren't naturally good forgivers.  10:00 We need what God has done for us so that we can then do what He did for us and forgive. Talking about it at Easter and learning stories of forgiveness is a great way to help children understand, as they grow up, what it looks like practically: “What does it mean? How does that even work?” Bob: During the Christmas season, we have the opportunity to focus on God's gift to us because everybody is thinking about giving:  Barbara: Yes. Bob: “What are you going to get for Christmas? What are you giving to somebody else?” At Easter, we don't have anything like that to bring the issue of forgiveness, front and center, for multiple weeks, leading up to the holiday. Barbara: Yes, it's not as tangible. It's not something that you can put your hands on. It's a choice of the heart. I think one of the best ways for moms and dads to help their kids learn about forgiveness—first of all, you have to talk about it and you have to model it. You have to demonstrate it to your kids.  I remember, when we were raising our kids, Dennis and I both made a real conscious effort to teach our kids what it meant to forgive.  11:00 We would model that to them—so, when I would make mistakes—which I did all the time every day—I remember making a conscious effort of sitting down and saying to them: "Mommy did this, and it was wrong. I need to ask you to forgive me. Will you forgive me?”—almost in a step-by-step manner. And then, when our kids would offend one another, we would say: “Now, you need to say what you did and name it—name what you did that was wrong to your sibling. Then, you need to say, ‘Will you forgive me?'” Then the sibling has to say, “Yes, I forgive you,” so that it really is that transaction that takes place. Another way that is really helpful to teach children forgiveness is to read them stories of other people who have exhibited forgiveness.  12:00 We have this book—Growing Together in Forgiveness—that has seven stories of people who have demonstrated remarkable forgiveness in situations that are hard for most of us to even comprehend how someone could ask for forgiveness, and how someone could grant forgiveness for really, really difficult things. When you read stories like that to your kids, it inspires them: “Oh, if that person can forgive that, then maybe I can forgive my brother,” or “Maybe I can forgive my friend at school that was bullying me.” Bob: And you wrote that book, with the seven stories in it, with the idea that parents could read aloud a story like this at the dinner table or— Barbara: —bedtime. Bob: Yes, whatever, as a way to make this subject front and center, whether it's during the Easter season or any time of the year—but this is the perfect time of year to be doing that; isn't it? Barbara: Yes, exactly. Obviously, our kids—we all need to be talking about forgiveness all the time—but with the focus of Easter being on the cross and on the forgiveness that Christ purchased for us, it's a great time to read stories of forgiveness with your kids so that it really does become a part of the Easter celebration. It makes our appreciation for what He did for us so much greater when we know what it means. 13:00 Dennis: Those seven stories are—they are pretty remarkable—I mean, the people who forgave had pretty tough things done to them. Barbara: Yes, really tough things. Dennis: Do you want to share one of them? Barbara: Yes, one of my favorite stories comes from the country of New Zealand. Dennis and I were there doing a conference a number of years ago. While we were there, we heard this story that's a part of the New Zealand history.  The story goes that—in the 1800s sometime, some missionaries came; and they brought the gospel to the tribes of the land. There was a particular tribe who received the news, and responded to the gospel, and became believers. They each got a little copy of the Gospel of Luke, as a gift for receiving Christ, and they would read that.  One little girl in the tribe—she was like 11 or 12—and she had learned to read from the missionaries. She read this Gospel of Luke to everyone in her tribe.  14:00 Many of them came to know Christ. The story goes that this school that she was a part of—that was led by the missionaries—had to move locations. On the journey to a new location, the children and the teachers were attacked by another tribe, who were not friendly; and she was murdered. I think there were some others, too, but she was murdered.  When her father discovered that she was murdered, his response was: “I have come to know Christ, and Jesus does not want us to take revenge.” He said, “So I must learn how to forgive the one who killed my daughter.” He didn't even, at the time, know who it was. The story goes that the man who actually killed this little girl found the Gospel of Luke—she carried it with her wherever she went. He thought it was kind of cool—he didn't know what it was. He took it, and he found someone who could read it to him. This person read to him; and he realized, “Oh, I offended God,” and he became a Christian then.  15:00 He, after receiving Christ, understood that he needed to seek forgiveness. He walked to the other tribe and asked the father of the girl he killed to forgive him. They forgave one another.  Part of what is so remarkable to me about the story is, not just that it happened, but that it's taught in the schools of New Zealand to this day—to all the children in every school—it's a part of their history. These children are growing up, hearing the story about this little girl who became a Christian and whose father forgave the man who killed her.  I just think it's a wonderful illustration of how teaching our children these stories, as they're growing up—it's planting the seeds of truth in their hearts so it's a part of who they are / it's a part of their history—they know these stories. So, when they are in a situation that's difficult and they need to forgive, they'll remember this little girl, or they'll remember John Newton, or they'll remember some of these other people who demonstrated forgiveness. They'll go, “Oh, that's how you do it.”  16:00 God may use that to lead them, then, to grant forgiveness to someone else. Dennis: I think the question for every mom and dad is this: “How are you going to make Easter a special time? How are you going to focus on forgiveness? How are you going to model it? How are you going to teach about it? How are you going to train your children to know what it means to truly forgive another person?” This is at the heart of what Christianity is all about. It's why this season ought to be, as you said earlier, one of the most rambunctious times in our entire year. Bob: As we've said, the culture doesn't give us a lot of cues to try to have these kinds of conversations. Part of what you have been working on, as you've been designing resources in the Ever Thine Home® collection that you've created—you're trying to give families some of the visual cues to have around the home that just trigger for you the opportunity for this kind of discussion / this kind of conversation—to bring to mind, in a visible way, what we ought to be reminded of today. 17:00 Barbara: Exactly. We have lots of those at Christmas. We have trees, and we have wreaths, and we have lights. Everything says: “This is a special occasion.”  We have so little at our disposal—so little that's biblical at our disposal—that we can put up, that we can decorate with, that we can put on display. There is very little to put on your front door / to put in your yard—there is just not a whole lot available. I'm hopeful that God will grant us favor in helping me and my team to come up with ideas for ways that we can make a visual statement—not just for neighbors and friends / but for our own reminder—that we can see something in our house around Easter that reminds me: “Oh, yes. We're in the Easter season. We're talking about Christ, and the cross, and what He did for us,”—it's a visual reminder.  We need those cues—those visual cues.  18:00 We need auditory cues—we need reminders of what God did for us. Having these celebrations are annual reminders; and then, in that annual reminder, having visual things can help us stay tuned into what God's doing. Dennis: I hadn't thought about it until you said it a few moments ago. There really isn't the music, Bob, around the season that there is at Christmas time. Isn't that interesting? You would think— Barbara: There are some songs, but there aren't as many that are really specific to Easter. Bob: Yes, there's no Nat King Cole Easter album that you can go out and buy; right? Dennis: No, and you're not hearing it piped into malls and stores in the weeks leading up to the Easter holiday. Bob: Right. Dennis: I think there's probably a reason for that. Bob: Yes. Dennis: I mean—Easter is pretty counter-cultural. Bob: Yes. Dennis: I mean, Christ— Barbara: Well, everybody loves stories of angels and babies. A baby is pretty sweet, so it's easy to love Christmas and everything that it stands for.  19:00 But Easter is a little different—it's about a cross, which is a horrible form of execution. And it has blood, and— Dennis: —and it's about a Savior, who didn't come to mildly change people's lives. Barbara: —but radically. Dennis: He came to, yes, radically transform people's lives. In fact, I love a statement that was made by—I think it was John Stott. He said, “When Jesus shows up, change occurs.” When you encounter Him—and you meet the King of kings, the Lord of lords, and you develop a personal relationship—I can tell you, from personal experience—when I encountered Him in college, He transformed my life like no other encounter I've ever had in my lifetime.  Bob: Is your house as decked out for Easter as it is for Christmas? Barbara: No. Dennis: It's getting there. Oh yes, it is—it's getting there, Bob! Barbara: No, it's not as decked out; and I don't know that I really would want it to be as decked out. I think what I would like to see is—I'd like to see Christmas toned down somewhat— Bob: Right. 20:00 Barbara: —and then Easter elevated so they are a little bit more balanced in the way we treat them. Bob: Will you have pastel eggs that you dyed that you'll put out somewhere? Barbara: No. I would have—we did that when we had our kids at home—but we won't have the grandkids around. We will go see them, probably, but we won't do eggs at my house. Bob: So what do you have? Barbara: Well, I have a banner—an Easter banner—that we created a year ago, I believe it was. I did the first one to put on my door a couple of years ago, just to see if it would work. I got some paint and painted “I Am the Resurrection and the Life” on a piece of burlap. Then, on the flip side, I put the thing about “I am the Resurrection and the Life.”  Last year, we actually created a real one—so we've got that. You can put that on your front door or you can hang it on a wall in your house—but on the burlap side, it has a lamb and it says “I am the Resurrection and the Life,” which is one of Jesus' claims of deity. And then, you flip it over on Easter Sunday morning. It has a crown; and it says, “He Is Risen.”  21:00 It's a way to make a statement in your house—just for your own family or on your front door for anybody who drives by or comes by—that “In this house, we believe in Christ and what He did for us.” Bob: You have some of your cross-shaped Christmas ornaments, the Adorenaments® that you've made, that are now on display, at Easter, on stands around the home? Barbara: That's right—we have those too. Dennis: Well, actually, Bob—when she created these, she was thinking— Bob: She had Easter in mind? Dennis: She did. Barbara: Yes, we had this in mind. Dennis: So these are really not just Christmas-specific. These declare the names of Christ—His Savior names—each one on a different cross from a different period of history. Bob: Yes, if folks would like to see what we're talking about here, they can go to EverThineHome.com and see the collection of resources that Barbara Rainey has created as a part of what we're doing, here at FamilyLife. Again, it's EverThineHome.com. You can see the crosses, the Easter banner, some of the other resources that Barbara has been working on. The book about forgiveness is available on that website as well.  22:00 It's called Growing Together in Forgiveness.  Again, go to EverThineHome.com. You can see the resources that Barbara has designed that FamilyLife is making available for the Easter season. If it's easier to order some of these resources by calling us, you can do that as well. Our toll-free number: 1-800-FL-TODAY—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY.” Just ask about the Easter resources from FamilyLife. We can explain what we have, and you can order whatever you need over the phone. And speaking of resources for the Easter season, many of you are familiar with the Resurrection Eggs® that FamilyLife has been producing for more than 20 years now—it's a dozen plastic eggs. Each one has a symbol that signifies something related to Jesus' final week on earth. It's a great tool for helping your younger children better understand the Easter story and to make it memorable for them. 23:00 We would really like for every home to have a set of Resurrection Eggs to be able to use with children, or with grandchildren, or to pass on to neighbors. We are making Resurrection Eggs available this year to any of you who contact us and are able to help with a donation of any amount to help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today. We depend on those donations to sustain the work of this ministry, and we would be happy to send you a set of Resurrection Eggs as a thank-you gift when you support us. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, “I CARE.” Make an online donation, and we'll send a set of Resurrection Eggs out to you. Or you can make a donation over the phone and request a set of Resurrection Eggs when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY.” 24:00 You can also mail a donation to us and request Resurrection Eggs. Our mailing address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas—Arkansas is AR—and our zip code is 72223. Now, tomorrow, we're going to continue to talk about how we can prepare our hearts and our homes for a deeper, richer Easter celebration. Hope you can tune in for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesReclaiming Easter (Part 1) - The Miracle of EasterReclaiming Easter (Part 2) - Regaining the High GroundReclaiming Easter (Part 3) - It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...EasterFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Regaining the High Ground Guest:                         Barbara Rainey        From the series:       Reclaiming Easter (Day 2 of 4)Air date:                     March 17, 2015  Bob: The cross is the universal symbol of the Christian faith; but through the years and in different countries, all around the world, there have been different styles of crosses that have represented Christianity. Barbara Rainey says, “That's a good thing.” Barbara: Jesus is universal—He's not American / He's not Western. He's for everyone—from every tongue, and every tribe and every nation, from every era. I wanted to have crosses that were international—that sort of brought us back to the idea that Jesus is for all people, for all time. Christ has been pushing into country after country, around the world, since He left us. The message is continuing to go on into every nation and every language. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, March 17th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. This is the season of the year when all of us should be surveying the wondrous cross. We'll talk on today's program about how we can make the cross more central to our celebration of Easter. Stay tuned. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. The guy, who leads worship at our church, knows that, on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, he is going to be leading two hymns: “Come, Ye Thankful People, Come” and— Dennis: I want to guess! It's one of the Gettys' songs. Bob: No. Dennis: Really!? Bob: “We Gather Together.” Dennis: But you're kind of a Getty groupie. Bob: I would not call me a groupie. [Laughter] Dennis: A Getty groupie—that kind of has a sound to it; doesn't it? Bob: I am—I have a great appreciation for their work, and we sing a lot of their hymns in our worship service. But on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, it's always “We Gather Together” and “Come, Ye Thankful People, Come.” 2:00 The next Sunday, which is always the first Sunday of Advent, we always sing, “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” and we sing “Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus.” You have to sing those on the first Sunday in Advent.  On Palm Sunday, which is coming up, here in a couple of weeks—on Palm Sunday, we always sing “All Glory, Laud, and Honor, to Thee Redeemer King.” Do you remember that song? It's about the kids and the palm branches. [Singing] “All glory, laud, and honor to Thee, Redeemer King!” Have you heard this? Dennis: Vaguely. Barbara: Yes! Bob: [Singing] “…to whom the lips of children made sweet hosannas ring.” There is something about those traditions. Michael, the worship leader, is very gracious to indulge us older folks who say, “We have to sing these things.” [Laughter] There's something about those traditions that are rich with meaning. Barbara: That's right. Dennis: No doubt about it. And the voice you're hearing say, “Amen,” over here is my wife, Barbara.  3:00 Welcome back to the broadcast. Barbara: Thank you. Dennis: The most requested guest we have on FamilyLife Today. In fact— Bob: Dennis requests you every time he can. He says, “Can we have Barbara on some more?” [Laughter] Dennis: Yes! No doubt about it. [Laughter] We're all about Easter and wanting to regain the high ground— Bob: Yes. Dennis: —the holy ground for the Easter season. You've got a big idea, Barbara. It's all about contrasting what Christmas is all about with Easter—just kind of calling families to focus on something really fresh and new this Easter season. Barbara: Well, my big idea is that God would grant us the favor in helping us, as believers, raise our awareness of the importance of the holiday of Easter. We put so much energy, money, time, and effort into Christmas—and there's nothing wrong with that—but, by comparison, we spend very little time, very little money, very little energy, and very little preparation to celebrate the greatest moment of history, which is Resurrection Sunday. 4:00 I'm hopeful that, over the course of time, as God grants favor, that we can help believers understand the importance of this holiday—the magnificence of what Christ has done for us—and then help them understand some new and fun ways that they can celebrate that day and make it meaningful because, as you just said, Bob, it's their traditions that help tie those things to hearts. The more our kids understand the truth of why we celebrate / why we do what we do, the more it becomes embedded in their hearts and in their souls. They go: “This is important! This has to mean something; otherwise, Mom and Dad and the other adults wouldn't have made such a big deal about it.” Dennis: You know, we spend the entire month of December preparing for Christmas Day—it's all about giving. You think we need to be spending the weeks, leading up to Easter, focusing on what theme around Easter? Barbara: Focusing on the theme of forgiveness.  5:00 Forgiveness is something we all need. We all need it, individually, because we all have offended God, at our core, because of our selfishness. We all, individually, need forgiveness.  Every one of us needs forgiveness, and we need to understand how it works—we need to understand how to give it / how to grant it—we need to understand the whole process because, in relationships with people, we need to practice forgiveness—so in your marriage / in your home with your kids—your kids need to learn how to forgive one another—at school with kids on the playground, and classmates, and bullies, and teachers who aren't fair, and all of that stuff—business relationships. We all need to understand and practice forgiveness—those of us who are called by Christ—focusing on forgiveness at Easter because of what Christ did for us and then the practical application into our lives of how we can be better forgivers. Dennis: And I think that's what a family is all about—that is following Christ—is learning how to forgive and love people, just as God, in Christ, loved and forgave us. 6:00 Bob: And this is something that has been a passion of yours for—well, it's a growing passion—because I've heard you talk about this pretty much every spring for the last couple of years, at least. Barbara: Right. Bob: You have been raising the banner on Easter— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —and saying: “Let's draw some attention to this holiday. Let's use it as a discipling tool in our home.” Barbara: Yes. Bob: And not just for our kids because our hearts need to be drawn back to this theme as well. Barbara: Oh, absolutely. Yes, I think that it is a growing thing for me—it is a growing passion that I have. When our children were little, I remember wanting to make more of Easter and wanted to do more for Easter; but I didn't really know what to do, and I was so busy and overwhelmed, and so I couldn't—I didn't do anything. Dennis: So you've created something called Behold the Lamb. Barbara: Yes. After our kids left, I had the time and the freedom to be able to think creatively, “What would I have liked to have had, when I was a mom, raising kids?”  7:00 One of the things that we created is Behold the Lamb. It comes in this cute little metal tin—inside are eight cards. What I like about those is—I can picture myself doing that with my kids, when they were at home and they were growing up, because each of them have a very short little lesson—I guess, for lack of a better word—that you can probably read in three minutes/four minutes. It doesn't take very long. Dennis: I've done it with our grandkids. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: They're all around the statements that Christ made: “I AM.” Barbara: Exactly. Dennis: “I am the Messiah,” “I am the Bread of Life,” “I am the Light of the World,” “I am the Door.” I took one of our grandkids through this—it took me less than five minutes. I know because my grandchild stayed on my lap the entire time and didn't crawl off. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: It was interesting that you were able to communicate the importance of what it meant when Jesus said, “I am the Bread of Life,” in a practical way to him—or her—and bring them into the celebration of Easter. Barbara: Yes; it gives moms and dads something that's very easy to do—  8:00 —pick out a card, read a card as the kids are packing their lunches or you're eating breakfast or whatever. Just read it very quickly or have one of your kids read it while you're driving in the car to school. It sort of sets the tone, not only for the day, but it's a way to do something meaningful every day of Holy Week, leading up to Easter. Bob: Yes. You mentioned there are eight of these cards. The thought would be that you could get the cardholder out— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —on Palm Sunday. Barbara: Yes. Bob: That would be when you would read the first of the eight cards. Barbara: That's correct. Bob: One a day; and then, on Easter Sunday, eight days later, you get to “I am the Resurrection and the Life.” You get a chance to unfold the resurrection of Christ; right? Barbara: Correct. What it does is—it allows you, as parents, to engage your kids in the meaning of Easter on those days leading up to Easter. There's something to read every day for those eight days up until Easter Sunday.  Bob: Is this something you can read to a five-year-old, or a ten- year-old, or a fifteen-year-old? 9:00 Barbara: I think you can read to as young as a five year-olds, yes—through eighteen. You know, the eighteen-year-olds—I don't think they're going to be bored by it because it's short—they're not going to roll their eyes and go, “Oh, it's another story about David and Goliath!” These are stories about what Christ did each of the days of His last week of life. So, when you look at that and you think about Jesus coming into the Temple, an eighteen-year-old/sixteen-year-old—they can imagine what that might have been like because He knew He was about to be executed. Bob: Yes. Barbara: As you lead your children into thinking about these, you just don't know, when they get off the bus or when they're walking between classes, what they're thinking about. It's a way to invest, spiritually, in your children, leading up to Easter. Dennis: You actually got an email from a radio listener—. Barbara: I did! Dennis: —who wrote quite a story about a little boy by the name of Nathan. Barbara: Nathan, yes.  10:00 His mom wrote a really long story about the whole process, but the bottom line is that she used the Behold the Lamb cards. As God would have it, when they read the Palm Sunday story, Nathan decided that that was the impetus for him wanting to receive Christ.  Dennis: Yes, I'm reading it. The little boy turned to his mom and said: “Mom, you're talking about things that are eternal. When I die, will I go to heaven?” So it gave the mom an opportunity to talk about how Jesus is the door—He is the way, the truth, and the life. He's how you get to heaven, and you can have a personal relationship with Him. She led him to Christ, at that point. It was the end of a lot of conversations she had had with that little boy. Barbara: Yes. Bob: These cards can go back in the card holder, but you've also—you've got—what is it?—a chain?  Barbara: Yes; if you buy it, it comes with what we call a “chain garland.” It's a chain that has 15 little metal clips. You can clip the cards on the chain and hang it on your fireplace mantle or you can hang it on a wall—or you can put little push pin tacks on the wall and hang it on that. It's a way that you can—almost like counting down the days to Christmas.  11:00 You hang up a card, one each day, until Easter Sunday. Bob: Yes. Barbara: Kids like that. Kids like counting down the days until—I mean, they count the days until their birthday, they count down the days until school is out, and they count down the days until they can go to camp. There's something about building anticipation that's important for all of us. As you read these cards and you hang them up, one by one, you're building the sense of anticipation for the grand finale, which is Easter Sunday. It helps prepare kids' hearts for understanding that this is really a big deal. Bob: I was counting down the days to the jelly beans. Barbara: Yes, jelly beans at Easter.  Bob: You didn't like jelly beans?! Barbara: No, I didn't like jelly beans. Bob: Did you like—  Barbara: Chocolate eggs! [Laughter] Dennis: You've got to keep in mind that this was before they created the kind of jelly beans they have today. Bob: The gourmet jelly beans! Dennis: Yes, no doubt about it. Barbara: Well, I might have liked the gourmet jelly beans, but I didn't like the originals. [Laughter] Bob: In addition to the garland that's hanging in the home—that is reminding you that Easter is just around the corner, you also have designed crosses.  12:00 Listeners, who were listening at Christmastime, remember that we talked about seven crosses/ornaments that could be hung on your Christmas tree. They're called Adorenaments®.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: You actually had Easter in mind when you made the Christmas ornaments; right? Barbara: We did because the thing about the names of Christ that I think is so important is that we need to know the names of Christ every day of the year, not just at Christmas or not just at some other holiday. We need to be reminded of who He is and what He has done for us. When we created the crosses, we wanted to be able to find a way for them to be displayed at Easter. As we decorate our homes for Christmas, we wanted to have some things that people could put up at Easter that, again, are visual reminders that help us remember what the Easter holiday is all about.  We have a set of three crosses for Easter. You can put them on your dining room table and create a really nice arrangement, say on Palm Sunday, and it is there all week.  13:00 It's a reminder to the family, all week long, that: “This is Easter week,” / “This is Holy week. This is really a big deal.” You can put them on your kitchen counter—you can line them up in a window or put them on the fireplace mantle. The sky's the limit, really, as to how you want to use them. Bob: You're not hanging them on a tree Barbara: No. Bob: You've got stands for them— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —so they can sit on the stands. They're three different heights— Barbara: Yes, they're graduated heights. Bob: —so there's a little bit of an artistic touch to it; right? Barbara: Exactly! That was very nice of you—I appreciate that. [Laughter] Dennis: And the cool thing about this is—when Barbara set out to create Adorenaments, she did so around the names of Christ. The first year was around His Christmas names, from Luke and Isaiah. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: The next year was His royal names—each of the Adorenaments is in the shape of a different crown. This year, you've chosen different crosses from different periods/different eras of church history. Each of these three crosses bears a different name. 14:00 Barbara: Correct. One of the reasons that—it was really fun to do, I have to say—to do the research on all the different kinds of crosses. If you've not ever done it, just google “crosses” and look at how many different shapes, and sizes, and designs there are. It's very fascinating, but it was fun to do the research. Part of the reason I wanted to do it is because Jesus is universal—He's not American / He's not Western. He's for everyone—from every tribe, and every tongue, and every nation—from every era. I wanted to have crosses that were international—that sort of brought us back to the idea that Jesus is for all people, for all time.  We have a Celtic cross. We have an Armenian cross. We have an Ethiopian cross. We have the Jerusalem cross. The idea is— Dennis: One of them is right here—it's the anchor cross. Barbara: Oh, yes. I forgot the anchor cross. The idea is that each shape of the cross also has history to it because Christ has been pushing into country after country, around the world, since He left us. The message is continuing to go on into every nation and every language. 15:00 Bob: The three names that you've selected to display at Eastertime are Great High Priest, Mediator, and Messiah. Barbara: Yes, correct. Bob: Messiah is one we all know—Jesus is the Messiah. That's pretty common. Barbara: Yes. Bob: But I'm not sure that people really stop and think about what it means that Jesus was—and is—the Messiah, the Promised One of God. Barbara: Yes. What is so interesting is that Jesus was promised, from the very beginning. I don't think that's as common to all of us, as believers, as it should be. From the very beginning, He was promised—the Jewish people knew it. They knew He was promised, and they looked for centuries for the coming Messiah. They knew that the Messiah was going to come and deliver them.  Messiah actually means “Anointed One” in Hebrew. It also means “Savior.” The term, “Messiah,” was a term that was used often in the Bible to refer to this “Coming One.”  16:00 We know Him as Jesus—Jewish believers know Him as Jesus. But most of the Jews do not know who He is yet—they still think He is yet to come. Bob: Jews in the Old Testament had developed a picture of who the coming Messiah would be—what He would look like / what He would act like. Barbara: Yes. Bob: It was really just one aspect of His Messianic ministry. Barbara: Yes, the Jews in the Old Testament thought the Messiah was going to come as a conquering King—He was going to deliver them. They had been oppressed over, and over, and over again. They really hung onto those prophecies of Him coming as their deliverer; but they overlooked the fact that Jesus is also spoken of, in the Old Testament, as one who was going to come and be their “Suffering Servant.” He was also going to be their sacrifice. That missed their eyes and their understanding—most of them. Bob: Which is why—when Jesus was declared as the Messiah /when people said, “Could He be the Messiah?” others looked and said, “No, He can't be because He's not here with a sword.” 17:00 Barbara: —“with a sword.” Bob: “He's not here on a horse, charging in and toppling political structures.” Barbara: Yes. Dennis: “He's not a politician.” Bob: There is a day coming when He'll come on a horse with a sword. Barbara: He will! That's right. Bob: So His Messianic ministry will fulfill that picture. Barbara: Yes. Bob: But they missed the first coming; didn't they? Barbara: They did. That's a part of why Easter is such a wonderful celebration because we, not only celebrate what He did for us on the cross, but we celebrate that He's coming back because that first part of what He was to do is fulfilled and now we're waiting on the second part—we're waiting on Him to come back again. I think, at Easter, we not only celebrate what He did for us in the past, but it's a time to look forward to what He is going to do in the future. It may be a very near future too. We've been waiting for a long time, and it may be just around the corner. That makes celebrating Easter even more fun. 18:00 Dennis: It does. And I don't think I've asked you, even though I watched you create these: “Why did you pick the anchor cross?”—which is really pretty interesting; isn't it Bob? I don't think I'd ever seen this until Barbara created this—but it's a cross that, literally, is in the shape of an anchor—I didn't know there was one. “Where did you find it; and why did you decide to put ‘Messiah' on that cross?” Barbara: Well, two answers to that question. As I was looking through for different shapes of crosses, I found the anchor cross. When I saw it, I remembered that, when I was a child and I went through confirmation class in my church—I don't know if it was my parents or somebody else—but somebody gave me a charm for my charm bracelet. Charm bracelets were really a big deal then. The charm consisted of three small charms, all looped together on one ring. There was a cross, which represented faith; there was a heart, which represented love; and then there was an anchor. At the time, I had no idea what the anchor meant; but I came to learn that the anchor represents hope. In 1 Corinthians, we hear “faith, hope, and love, these three.” 19:00 So, faith is the cross, love is the heart, and the anchor is hope. There's a verse in Hebrews, where it talks about Jesus being “the anchor of our soul.” It talks about—we have hope because of Jesus being the anchor. It was just obvious to put “Messiah” on the anchor cross because the Messiah is our Savior—He is our hope / He is our anchor. Because of Him, we can be sure and we can have a steadfast faith that will not waver because of what He has done for us. Bob: Each of these ornaments that you can display on a stand—there is a card for each one that explains, not only the name that's displayed, but a little bit about the cross. If your kids are looking and say, “That looks like an anchor,” you have an opportunity, as a mom or a dad to say, “Well, let me read this to you,” and explain to them what's going on. Barbara: Yes; because I think we have lost—in the modern church, we have lost a lot of our historical Christianity. The anchor cross has been around almost since the time of Christ.  20:00 It's been around for a long, long time. I had forgotten all about it. I don't think too many people even know what it stands for and why it's important. I think we need to recapture some of that. I'm hopeful that the focus on Jesus as our Messiah and He is also our anchor—He holds our faith steadfast because of what He does—I hope that becomes more common knowledge in the church as we talk about who He is and what He did. Dennis: And I think one of the things we don't talk a lot about today is the Savior's different names. You know, each of these names gives us a different facet. It's almost like He is a diamond and each of these names is a facet of His glory and of His character. You come to know Him by virtue of His names, and what He's like, and who He is—then, passing those names onto our children to introduce them to Him as well. 21:00 Messiah gets at the heart of the issue. He came to save us from our sins—that's what Easter is all about.  Bob: And I really think people need to get a visual of what we've been talking about. I mean, we can describe the resources you've been working on, Barbara, but folks need to see what these crosses look like—what the anchor cross looks like, and what the Ethiopian cross looks like, and the stands that they can hang on, and the other resources that you've been working on. There's the Easter banner—there's the Behold the Lamb chain with the cards that attach to that. You've got a lot of Easter resources that you've been working on.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: If folks go to EverThineHome.com, they can see the complete collection. We've put a website together so that folks can see all that you've been doing. Again, it is EverThineHome.com to see FamilyLife's collection of resources that have been designed by Barbara Rainey.  22:00 You can also call if you have any questions about these resources, or you can order over the phone. Our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY.” Or, again, go to the Ever Thine Home website, which is EverThineHome.com. You know, we have talked, for years, here on FamilyLife Today, about how strategic holidays can be in a family's life—how you can take advantage of these naturally-occurring dates on a calendar to share biblical truth with your kids—use as a discipling opportunity. In fact, it was a couple of decades ago that we developed a resource called Resurrection Eggs® that puts symbols from Holy Week in these 12 eggs and allow children to learn the Easter story by opening these eggs, one egg at a time, and learning what the donkey means, and learning why there's a crown of thorns, or learning why there are nails included in the eggs. 23:00 We've heard some great stories about how parents and grandparents have used this resource with their children, their grandchildren, neighbor kids, kids at school. We thought, this year, we'd love to send a set of Resurrection Eggs to any listener who will put these eggs to good use. If you'd like a set, all we would ask is that you would make a donation to help support this ministry; and we are happy to send a set to you. We are listener-supported—we depend on your donations to do the work we do. If you will go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and click the link that says, “I CARE,” and make an online donation—be as generous as you can possibly be—we will send you a set of Resurrection Eggs as our thank-you gift for your financial support.  Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, “I CARE,” and make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone and request a set of Resurrection Eggs.  24:00 Of course, you can mail a donation to FamilyLife at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. Make sure you let us know that you are interested in a set of Resurrection Eggs when you mail a donation, and we'll get them mailed to you.  And we hope you can join us again tomorrow when we're going to talk more about the names of Jesus that we ought to be meditating on as we head toward the celebration of His resurrection. I hope you can tune in for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesReclaiming Easter (Part 1) - The Miracle of EasterReclaiming Easter (Part 2) - Regaining the High GroundReclaiming Easter (Part 3) - It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...EasterFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like…Easter Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Reclaiming Easter (Day 4 of 4)Air date:                     March 19, 2015  Bob: In Matthew's Gospel, we read that, when Jesus cried out with a loud voice and yielded up His Spirit, at that moment, the curtain of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. Here's Barbara Rainey.   Barbara: It's one of those little pieces in the story of Easter that, every time I read it, I get chills because it says, at the moment that Jesus died, the curtain in the Temple was torn, from top to bottom. Now, think about a curtain that is four to six inches thick and sixty to ninety inches tall—and all of a sudden, there is this thunderous sound; and the curtain is being torn in two—and it was the moment that Christ breathed His last.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, March 19th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  There are a lot of little details in the story of Jesus's death, and burial, and resurrection; and all of them are important.  1:00 We'll talk more today about how we can dig deeper into the biblical account of the greatest moment in all of human history. Stay tuned.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. Just found myself, this week, kind of thinking [Singing], “It's beginning to look a lot like Easter.”  I guess—haven't you wanted to sing a few Easter carols? [Laughter]  Barbara: Why don't you write us a song that would kind of capture that?   Bob: We have some songs— Dennis: You've written all kinds of songs—Legacy Partner songs.  Bob: I have written those, but I think— Dennis: Yes, by the way, I just want to give a shout out to Legacy Partners. Thanks for standing with us. This is an important ministry to you and your family, but it's also an important ministry to our nation. I think our nation needs all the help it can get when it comes to marriages and families.  Bob: We are focused this week on the coming celebration of Easter. It's just right around the corner—trying to help families get in the Easter mood and not just wait until the week before and go:  2:00 “Oh, yes, Easter is coming up. I guess we should do something about it,” but be in the mindset here, weeks in front of the holiday.  Barbara: Well, we're very intentional about Christmas. We spend lots of time making our lists and just countless things that we do to be intentional at Christmas. I think we need to capture some of that intentionality and use it toward Easter. My hope is that we can help you and your family find some ways to be intentional this year so that Easter for you and your family, this year, is much more meaningful than it ever has been in the past.  Dennis: Millions of our listeners know that's the voice of my wife, Barbara. There are probably two that didn't recognize it.  Bob: Two people who are going, “Who's she?”  [Laughter]   Dennis: But she's back, again, today on FamilyLife Today. Welcome back, Sweetheart.  Barbara: Thank you.  Dennis: Earlier, Bob kind of came into the studio and he remarked about what you see on the table. It really is the result of close to three years of work that you've been at— 3:00 —trying to bring great teachings of the Scripture to people's homes, around the major Christian holidays that we celebrate—to help families prepare both their home and their hearts for the reason for the season.  Barbara: I know there is so much more to the Easter story—in fact, to all of the stories in the Bible—than we know and appreciate. One of the things that I am hoping to do is to help families understand more of the story. I think, because we're so familiar with it, we think it's kind of old hat, or it's boring, or “Oh, I know this story.”  And yet, there is so much more to it than we know. I think it helps elevate our celebration when we know more about what happened on the cross and all of the events that surrounded the first Easter.  Bob: Over the years, you've designed decorative elements that can be used in the home, whether it's a banner you can put on your front door that says, “I am the Resurrection and the Life,” a chain garland that can hold cards that talk about the “I Am” statements from John: “I am the Door,” “I am the Good Shepherd,”  4:00 “I am the Bread of Life,” “I am the Light of the World.”   This year, one of the new things you've developed is what you are referring to as conversation cards. Explain what these are.  Barbara: Well, I think that all of us—women especially—when we go to the trouble to set a really nice table, we're hoping that we can have a meaningful meal. We go to that trouble because we are hoping that we can capture something that will be memorable—something that will kind of hang with us. That's why we do traditions. That's why we repeat recipes and all of that. It's a way of binding us together, as a family, and it knits our hearts together.  One of the things that I wanted to do was help families, help couples, help moms and dads initiate meaningful conversation around your Easter brunch, or your Easter lunch, or Easter dinner because—we can set a beautiful table but, then, if we sit and talk about sports, or we talk about homework, or we—the kids break into a fight, we lost it.  5:00 We lost that element that we were trying to create.  So, sometimes, we all need prompts / we need reminders. We need some kind of a little nudge to help us have a meaningful conversation or to help us talk about things that really matter because we want to—we just don't know how to get there.  Bob: A few years ago, you created napkin ties that had a question on them— Barbara: Yes.  Bob: —that folks can—you called it Untie Your Story.  Barbara: Right.  Bob: So, you would take one of these napkin ties and untie the silverware.  Dennis: I've got one here.  Bob: I've got one too.  Dennis: Mine says: “Being grateful is not always easy. What makes it so difficult at times?”   Bob: Mine says, “Describe one of your favorite teachers, as a child, and what made him or her remarkable.”  The idea is just: “Here is a question that takes the conversation beyond the mundane— Barbara: Right.  Bob: —into something that's a little more meaningful.”   Barbara: Exactly.  Bob: But now, the conversation cards take it even a step farther; right? 6:00 Barbara: That's right because the conversation cards—there are eight of them that come in a package, and there are two ways you can do them. I designed them so that you would put one on each plate. You may have more than eight people so you can share—however you want to do it—but the idea is to read these around the table and talk about some of these lesser-known stories about the first Easter to help us spark conversation.  But they are also designed to help us worship more for what Christ did for us on the cross because, again, I think we can become complacent and we can become dull to the story. So, when you hear more about what really happened, it opens your eyes and there is more of a sense of wonder and awe.  Bob: Each of these cards is, basically, a 60-second devotional.  Barbara: Very quick.  Bob: You can read what's on the card, and then, there may be a discussion question or something that you can follow up on it with. But, again, it's the idea to have something spiritually significant— 7:00 —that's a part of your Easter meal.  Barbara: Exactly.  Dennis: This is where I think a lot of us fail. In fact, we don't know how to bridge from good food and from talk of the weather and the latest thing that's happened with your sports team that's going well or not going so well. We don't know how to get to the real message of Easter. What Barbara has done—you used the word, “prompt.”  It's really a prompt—it will engage each person as they read it.  Like this first one is “Light of the World.”  And I'll just read it here—this is how it happened.  While Jesus lived on earth, a grand and glorious Temple stood in the center of Jerusalem as the heart of the Jewish city life. Within the Court of Women, stood four sumptuously-gilded candelabra, over 70 feet in height.  In the evenings, during feast times, a lamp-lighting ceremony reminded the people that God, Himself, created light and separated it from darkness, just as His presence did for them.  8:00 Illuminating even the neighborhood courtyards around the Temple, the lamps were also burning reminders of God's guidance of His people by a nightly pillar of fire ensuring protection from enemies and lighting their path.  Twice Jesus declared Himself to be the Light of the World—once in the temple to a curious audience of disciples and Pharisees and, a short time later, on the south steps of the Temple, just before miraculously giving the light of sight to a man born blind. Both announcements were signs of His deity. His bold revelation, “I am the Light of the World,” alluded to, again, in Isaiah's prophecy about Him: “The people who walk in darkness will see a great light.”   9:00 During every Passover mal, the honor of a candle-lighting belongs to the mother of the house, honoring all women, for it was through Mary that God chose to give us the light of the nations—Isaiah 49:6.  And at the bottom of the card, Barbara has: “If you are reading these stories at your Resurrection Day meal, the women or the mother of the family can light the candles now.”  That'd be a great moment in a family to honor women for having given birth to our Savior, and at the same time, honor your mom in the process.  Barbara: A part of what I like about these stories is that it ties what we know about the resurrection, and the cross, and Good Friday, and all of those things that we celebrate at Easter—but these cards tie all of those events back to the Jewish traditions and the Jewish feasts that Jesus, Himself, celebrated when He was on earth because there are links, there are parallels, and there are connections— 10:00 —between what God instituted for the nation of Israel, that they actually went through / that Jesus actually participated in—and what we celebrate today.  Bob: And I think it's helpful for folks to realize that Jesus didn't just stand up and, in no context, say, “I'm the Light of the World,” where everybody is like, “Where did that come from?”  No, He stood up in the midst of the Temple, where these lights were being lit, giving light to the neighborhoods, as you describe on the card. It was there He said, “Hey, I'm the Light of the World.”  Everybody kind of like—looking at Him, going, “In the midst of all this flaming light, you're saying ‘You're the Light of the World'?”  It was a revolutionary statement He was making—not just some kind of esoteric human philosophy that He was offering—again, with no context.  Barbara: It was also fulfillment of prophecy, too, because, as you read that, there is the verse in Isaiah that said, “A light will come;” and He's saying, “I'm the Light”— Bob: Yes.  Barbara: —“I'm the Light of the World that God promised.”  11:00 It was a way of Him saying to the people, who had been looking for the Messiah to come—“I am He.”   Bob: Now, if you were having your brother, and his wife, and their kids over for Easter dinner—and they go to church on Easter, and they go to church on Christmas, and that's about it—and they come in and see crosses on your table and conversation cards about Jesus is the Light of the World, would you put all of that out if you were having nominal folks come over?  Or would you—how would you handle that—do you think?   Barbara: It would really depend on who it was—and in your family, you sort of know. You might not want to read them all. You might want to read them all ahead of time and pick out one that you would read, sort of as a little introduction to the meal, but have them all out so that everybody—Uncle George, who hasn't darkened the door of a church in 10 years—but he still has one and he can pick it up and he can look at it—so that it exposes them but in a smaller dose.  Dennis: Yes, and there is some symbolism to this, Bob, that you wouldn't necessarily have to read.  12:00 Explain to them, Barbara—and this is one that you'd read—it's called “Hidden Bread.”  It's the second one that you would read. Explain how the Passover meal, really, symbolized the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ.  Barbara: Jews celebrated the Passover meal for centuries, and Jews today still celebrate Passover. One of the steps of the Passover meal, for the Jewish people today, is when they take the bread—it's called matzah—and it's prepared, and always has been prepared, in sections.  This Jewish matzah bread has three pieces. It's divided into three pieces; and it's like: “Why is it divided into three pieces?”  And then, each of those pieces has all kinds of little holes marked into it. And a part of the Jewish tradition is—is that the father breaks that bread into the three pieces. He takes the middle one—he wraps it in a linen napkin or a linen cloth and then he hides it.  13:00 And the Jewish children, then, all go on a search to find it. The one who finds it brings it to the father, and the father pays him in silver coins for that piece.  There is so much symbolism!  There is so much history interwoven with the Jewish tradition of Passover, and what Jews actually practice today, and what we know about the story of Jesus—that you could read some of those pieces with people who may or may not be friendly to your faith. Yet, it's almost like a history lesson—they might go, “Oh, I didn't know that.”  It might make it more interesting and appealing.  Dennis: Yes, and simply to review with them—say: “For centuries, Jewish families celebrated the dinner. They had this time when they broke that bread—the matzah—in thirds and then hid the one that was wrapped in a napkin.”   It's like—we think, as followers of Christ, that what God was doing was— 14:00 —He was showing us what the resurrection was going to look like—that Jesus was going to be crucified, He was going to be wrapped in linen cloth and buried, and then, on the third day, He rose from the dead. I think it would cause an interesting discussion, even with people who aren't people of faith—just to cause them to begin to wonder, “Is there really something to this man—this God-man named Jesus Christ?”  That's what you really want to create around the table; isn't it?   Barbara: I want to create interest / I want to create conversation. I'm hoping that families can talk about some of these lesser-known details because one of the things that I've discovered through the years of studying the Bible is that the details matter. God doesn't overlook the small stuff. So, every detail of the Passover meal, every detail of every feast that He instituted, and every detail of the Temple that was in Israel—all of that pointed to Christ.  We don't know enough about that, as Gentiles / as people in the Christian church today.  15:00 The more we learn about Jewish history and culture, as God instituted it, the more it makes our faith more meaningful. And I think that's what so many of us are looking for in our families and in our celebration of Easter—is a way to make it more meaningful.  Bob: Each of these conversation cards has artwork on the other side of the card. Do you want to tell us about the artwork?   Barbara: The artwork is exceptionally beautiful, I think. And the story behind that is that I found a book at a garage sale, a number of years ago, and it's a book that was written by Peter Marshall. It was a sermon he gave on Easter Sunday; and it's a phenomenal little book. But it was full of these pen-and-ink drawings. The drawings are all about Christ and the resurrection. Each one of them—each of the cards has a beautiful pen-and-ink drawing on it.  Dennis: One of the other stories you tell, that I didn't know anything about until you did the research on this, was the story of the curtain.  16:00 Bob, you may remember, when Christ died on the cross, at that moment, obviously, there was an earthquake. It was dark, and there was something that took place in the Temple that was symbolic of what God had done through His Son, Jesus Christ. Explain what that was, Barbara, and what happened to the curtain in the Temple.  Barbara: Well, the Jewish Temple had a perfectly square room that was at the back of the Temple. It was closed off by this really thick curtain. Nobody knows precisely what it looked like or precisely how big it was, but the research that I did said that the curtain was between 60 and 90 feet tall—that's really tall—I mean, that's a really big curtain. None of us have curtains anywhere near that big in our house.  Dennis: And it wasn't a sheer curtain.  Barbara: And it wasn't a sheer curtain. It was between four and six inches thick. I would like to know how they even made it—I would like to know how it was woven.  17:00 Was it just a whole bunch of curtains that were then tied together?  I mean, how do you weave anything that is four to six inches thick and that tall?  It's just impossible to even imagine what it looked like to start off with.  But what is so remarkable—and it's one of those little pieces in the story of Easter that, every time I read it, I get chills because it says, at the moment that Jesus died, the curtain in the Temple was torn, from top to bottom. Now, think about a curtain that is four to six inches thick—that's almost more than you can put your hand around—and sixty to ninety feet tall—and it says, in Scripture, it was torn from top to bottom.  Bob: A body builder can do a phone book, but this curtain is thicker than a phone book; right?   Barbara: Yes, and so, you've got something—and it's the hand of God, of course—but you've got the hand of God, at the top of that thing, just ripping it in half. If you've ever torn a piece of fabric—which probably neither one of you have—but my mother was a seamstress. I learned, early on, that the best way to get a straight line in fabric is to rip it.  18:00 So, you make a snip in the edge of the fabric, you get your hands on either side of that little snip, and you really quickly—you tear it in half. It makes a really loud sound.  And that's just on a piece of thin fabric, but imagine the sound that probably occurred with a four-inch thick, ninety-feet tall piece of fabric—or whatever it was—being ripped in half. I just imagine that the sound alone was stunning to all the priests and the people who were in there—and they were busy with this business of doing the Passover sacrifices—and all of a sudden, there is this thunderous sound and the curtain is being torn in two. It was the moment that Christ breathed His last.  Bob: And the curtain had separated the people from the Holy of Holies—   Barbara: Exactly, that's why it was there!   Bob: —the dwelling place of God— Barbara: That's right.  Bob: —in the Temple. This was the place where they believed God dwelled.  Barbara: That's right.  Bob: The priest would go in once a year.  19:00 So, here is this dwelling place of God, and the death of Christ tears open that curtain so that we can be in the presence of God—again, because of what Christ has done.  Barbara: Exactly. So, the tearing of the curtain symbolized—for all who saw and understood and for those of us, now, who know—that the way to God was now opened. It was now free access. We can come to Him, as Hebrews said, “…anytime come before the throne of God.”  So, it was a visual statement that God made, on behalf of Christ and what He had done, that the way to Him was now open. We didn't need priests anymore. We don't need bloody sacrifices because Christ did it all.  Dennis: And if I had been alive during that day— Barbara: I know!  Wouldn't that be something?   Dennis: —it would have been really remarkable to go back to the Temple and interview the priests, going, “Well, what do you think— Bob: —“of what happened?”   Dennis: —“what happened?”   Bob: Yes.  Dennis: “Well, the curtain's ripped! It's no longer there!  It/that separated us from the Holy of Holies!”   20:00 Barbara: Well, now, all the people could see into the Holy of Holies. Nobody had seen it before, other than the high priest.  Dennis: Yes. And we all know, today, if you go to Israel, you're not going to find a Temple. You're not going to find the Holy of Holies because it's not there.  Bob: Right.  Dennis: No, there was One who came to get God into man, and it starts from the top down. He took on flesh—became a human being—lived a perfect life, died the perfect death, even though He bore our sins on His body, and defeated death. And because He defeated death, He can offer you eternal life. Now, that is the greatest story ever told.  Bob: Well, and maybe, because of the work that you've done, Barbara, there'll be some families that'll have a little richer, deeper understanding of what it is that we celebrate at Easter this year and in the years to come. Easter will be more meaningful than it's been for families.  Barbara: Well, I hope so because I think that we undervalue what Christ has done for us.  21:00 My prayer is that we would grow in our appreciation for the sacrifice and the price that He paid to redeem us. So, that is my prayer.  Dennis: There are two places on the planet where that needs to be taking place: One's at church / the other is in a family—what better place to communicate the reality of who Jesus Christ is and what He did on our behalf?  What a privilege we, as parents/ grandparents, have to introduce our children to the Messiah, the Great High Priest, and the Mediator.  Bob: Well, and everything Barbara has been working on is designed to help make that easier for moms and dads to do, while at the same time, making your home a place that declares the glory of God / the majesty of Christ.   And I want to encourage our listeners—take a look at the resources that Barbara has designed for us, here at FamilyLife, as part of the Ever Thine Home® collection of resources.  22:00 Go to the website, EverThineHome.com. Everything that Barbara has designed for Easter is available right there for you to look at. Again, it's EverThineHome.com. Look for the banner that you can hang on your front door at Easter or for the Savior names—the crosses that can be displayed as a table decoration—the cards we've talked about today that you can use at the dinner table—conversation and devotion around your Easter dinner table.  The website, again, is EverThineHome.com; or if you have any questions, you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can answer whatever questions you have or make arrangements to send some of these resources your direction. Again, the toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY; and the website is EverThineHome.com.  You know, I know a lot of our listeners, over the years have used one of the resources that FamilyLife developed, years ago, to help celebrate the Easter season.  23:00 It's a tool called Resurrection Eggs®, where you can share the story of Easter with young children in a way that makes it memorable for them. It's interactive, and kids love it.  We thought, this year, we'd like to make that tool available to anyone who would like a set. All we're asking is that you help us with a donation to support the ministry of FamilyLife Today. We're listener-supported. So, your donation is what helps defray the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program. And if you'd like to help support us, we'd be happy to send you a set of Resurrection Eggs.  Simply go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, “I CARE.”  You can make an online donation there and request the Resurrection Eggs. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone and, again, request a set of Resurrection Eggs.  24:00 Or you can mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223.  Now, tomorrow, we've got a guy—a friend of ours—who has just been—he's been pestering us. He wants to come on the radio and talk about Easter. He's a friend—so, we're going to let him do it. Tune in tomorrow, and we'll introduce our guest to you. I hope you can do that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Storms of Life Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       Something from the Cruise (Day 2 of 3)Air date:                     March 6, 2012  Bob:  There are times when life is hard; and when life gets hard, marriage gets hard.  Here's Dennis Rainey. Dennis:  I'll quote a little girl who was sitting on her grandpa's lap.  She looked at her grandpa and she said, “Grandpa, life is like licking honey off a thorn.”   Barbara:  You just tend to think, “Well, it's not going to be me.  It'll be somebody else.  It's not going to be me,” but there we were.  It was the two of us, and we had just gotten that bad news.  It was a storm.  It just came, flying at us and knocked us flat.   [Song:  Let the Wind Blow] There's a storm on the horizon,Oh, let the wind blow.Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, March 6th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  When there are storms on the horizon, what can you do to make sure your marriage stands strong?  We'll hear from Dennis and Barbara Rainey about that today.    Let the wind blow.Upon the solid rock of God I stand,Oh, let the wind blow. And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.  Thought it was interesting, when we were together about a month ago on the FamilyLife Love Like You Mean It® marriage cruise—this was our second year to do the cruise.  Again, it was sold out this year.  We had a thousand couples joining us—had the whole ship to ourselves.   Dennis:  It is one of the best things that we do here at FamilyLife.  There's no question about it—the entertainment, the content, the opportunity for engaging with folks in ministry, and finding out how you can plug in, as well as just leaving there with a better relationship with God and your spouse.  It really is a home run.   Bob:  Here is what I thought was interesting.  You think of going off on kind of a cruise vacation with couples—it's a marriage cruise.  You've got the whole boat to yourself, and we have devotions each morning.  Folks will crowd into the theatre for morning devotions.   You and Barbara spoke one morning; and I thought, “You tackled a subject, in the middle of the cruise, that was kind of a sobering subject.”  You think of a cruise—you think, “Well, it's just going to be fun and lighthearted;” but you guys went deep that morning.   Dennis:  We talked about some of the storms in our marriage that have occurred and how a marriage has to be built upon Jesus Christ and obedience to Him.  I don't have a solution for how a marriage can go the distance otherwise.   Bob:  The interesting thing to me is how much powerful ministry happens onboard the Love Like You Mean It Cruise.  Again, I think a lot of people think, “Well, that would be a fun vacation, we'd get to hear some good messages, and it would be nice;” but we see God at work in the lives of a lot of couples who join us on this cruise.   Dennis:  It's more than a vacation, Bob.  Certainly, it is some time away from work, phone calls and e-mail, and all the hassles of bills and everyday life; but it is an intensely spiritual time—a time of equipping, encouraging, putting our arms around people and saying, “You know what?  You're not the only couple who's faced difficulty in your marriage and in your family.  You can do this thing.  You can do this thing called marriage and family.  God's Word speaks to how you do it, and we're going to help you by equipping you with the biblical blueprints to know how to make your marriage go the distance.”   Bob:  Because the cruise has sold out each of the last two years and because we are on our way already to starting to sell out the 2013 cruise, Valentine's week of 2013, I went to our team.  I said, “I want to make sure our FamilyLife Today listeners get a chance to sign up and to join us.  Is there any kind of incentive we could provide for them to do that?”   The team put together a special offer.  You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about what's involved in that special offer.  We've already got lined up, for the cruise this year, Sara Groves, and Denver & the Mile High Orchestra.  Anthony Evans is going to join us.  Priscilla Shirer is going to be on the cruise with us.  Voddie Baucham is going to be back again.  You and I are both going to be there.  Barbara is going to be along, as well.   Dennis:  Right.  Bob:  So, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how you can be a part of the Love Like You Mean It Valentine's week cruise in 2013.  The special offer is good this week and next week only.  Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to join us on the cruise.   We wanted to share with our listeners the Tuesday morning devotional that you and Barbara provided onboard the ship where you shared a little bit about—I hate to use this word—some of the rough seas that a marriage will pass through and how you weather the storms in marriage.   There is thunder in the heavens,Oh, let the wind blow. [Recorded message] Dennis:  The more of life Barbara and I have shared together and the more we experience what God is up to in our lives, the more I believe life is anchored in this illustration that Jesus uses at the end of the Sermon on the Mount.   Matthew, Chapter 7, verse 24, “Everyone, then, who hears these words of mine and does them, will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; but it did not fall because it had been founded on the rock.”  Jesus said, “Everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.  The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house; and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”  Two houses—similar storms—two outcomes.  The difference is in how two people who build a house relate to their God.   We've had a few storms in our lives in our almost 40 years of marriage; and specifically, some storms this past year.   Barbara:  Back in early April of 2011, I went in for my annual mammogram.  As I went in, I remember thinking, “Why am I doing this every year?  It just seems so silly,” but I went ahead and went because I had my appointment and everything was all scheduled.   I went ahead and did it.  About a week later, Dennis and I were on a trip out-of-state; and my phone rang.  I picked up the phone, and it was the radiologist—I think is who reads it—and he gave us the bad news that I had breast cancer.  It was just—it was one of those moments when you just—my stomach just went through the floor, and both—I looked at Dennis, and we just—your heart just sinks.   Storms are unexpected.  They don't come with a lot of warning.  I had a few days to anticipate that perhaps it could be bad news, but there isn't any history in our family.  You just tend to think, “Well, it's not going to be me.  It'll be somebody else.  It's not going to be me,” but there we were.  It was the two of us, and we had just gotten that bad news.  It was a storm.  It just came, flying at us and knocked us flat.   For the next few days and weeks, we were trying to figure out, “What do we do?”  We were getting information and all of that.  About a week or two later, I think it was, we were in a surgeon's office, talking about all of our different options.  He was drawing images on paper and saying, “You can do this, this, or this.  If you do this, here are the results.  If you do choice two and choice three”—anyway, all of this stuff.   When you're in the middle of something like that, your head is just spinning, anyway.  It is hard to process all the information that is coming at you, and you need to process it; but it's a part of the storm.  The winds were blowing and swirling around us.  We got as much information as we could both process and left.  As we drove home, it was very, very cloudy.  It was very windy; and he was saying, “We need to listen to the radio because this is looking really, really bad.”  This was late April, now.  We pulled in our driveway, parked the car, and ran in the kitchen.  He flipped on the TV to watch the radar.   Dennis:  You have to know this about me.  I grew up in Southwest Missouri, and I spent a good bit of my childhood in a cellar.  (Laughter)  I can still remember the musty smell of potatoes and sitting among the green beans in this cellar that was just across the driveway in our next door neighbor's house.  I'm watching the news, and I'm pacing in front of our windows.    We have a big plate glass window that overlooks—we actually look west.  The weatherman said on the TV, “There is a storm on the ground”—a tornado on the ground.  I plotted the course, and I looked at it.  I go, “That's headed right for us.”  Barbara kind of made fun of me—she just kind of made fun of me.  She said, “You're making much ado about nothing.”   Barbara:  Yes, I was in the kitchen because by the time all this had happened, it was nearly seven o'clock.  We were both starving.  My mind, naturally, was thinking about other things; and I'm trying to scrounge up some food.  I thought, “He's just worrying about nothing.  I mean, it's just not going to be that big a deal.”   Dennis:  I said, “Well, it may be nothing; but here's what we're going to do if that storm ends up coming our way.  We're jumping in Santa's workshop.”  Now, Santa's workshop is a place we affectionately call this—under the stairs where Barbara would hide all the presents before Christmas.  It's the safest place in the house.  We don't have a basement.  In fact, our house kind of sits on a ridge; and it kind of feels like it's a golf ball on a tee.  (Laughter)   I'm watching; and I'm watching this cloud get lower, and lower, and lower because you can see like 15 miles up this lake.  You can just see it coming.  Finally, I move from in front of the plate glass window, which was really a smart idea, near Santa's workshop.  The trees—and these are massive pines that are this big—they used to be.  They were going like this in the wind.   Finally, when one got about at this angle, I grabbed Barbara's arm and I pulled her in the workshop with me.  We slammed the door.  We're in the total dark.  There was no sound.  They always talk about the sound of a tornado hitting—there was no sound, but we were there in the dark.  Couldn't have been in there for more than 45 seconds—60 seconds— Barbara:  No more.   Dennis:  You could tell that it was okay to open the door.  We open the door, and two distinct sensations completely washed over me.  One—was the house was infused with the smell of freshly-cut pine.  (Laughter)  It just pushed the smell of pine into our house.  In fact, blew dust out of the walls.  We went around and cleaned up dust that came out of the walls.  The other sensation was looking out our plate glass window— Barbara:  Trying to look out windows.   Dennis:  —because there were pine trees laying in front of our window on top of our deck, on top of our roof.  Twenty-seven trees were uprooted; and we walk around and all we can go is, “Wow!  We're alive!”   Barbara:  Yes.  Dennis:  There we were as a couple surveying the storm damage from two issues—her breast cancer—or actually our breast cancer and— Barbara:  The tornado. Dennis:  —the tornado that hit our home.   We just want to share with you five take-a-ways, five lessons that we've gained from having been through a few storms in our marriage—and I know some of you are in some storms right now because that's the first lesson that we've learned.  Scripture forecasts storm warnings for all of us.  There are storms on the ground.  They are headed toward your marriage, and it's not a matter of if your home will be hit but when your home will be hit.   In our 40 years—almost 40 years of marriage—both of my parents have died. Barbara nearly died on four different occasions with a rapid heart rate of over 300 beats a minute.  We had short paychecks.  We had a son who was diagnosed with a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy and lost his ability to run—was an athlete.  We had a child who was a prodigal for a number of years.  You know, storms have taken their toll, and storms have hit our home repeatedly; but I like to think of Jesus and what He said here.  He talks about responding to the storms with faith and obedience.  The storms will hit.  The question isn't why the storm has hit.  The question is, “How will you respond?”   Barbara:  Number two:  The storms provide an opportunity to prove your commitment.  Storms—the tornado that we went through tested the foundation of our house.  It did not fall, and the storms will do the same in your marriage.  Storms are there to test the commitment of your marriage, the strength of your faith in the power of God to hold you together.  It shows what you're house was built on.   Dennis:  Storms give you an opportunity to give proof of the promise you two made to one another.   Number three:  There are two ways to handle storms.  You can either handle the storms together as a couple, or you can handle them and suffer separately.   Barbara:  The thing about suffering or going through a hard time of any kind, that I think is so important to understand in a marriage, is that we handle these things very differently.  I handle it differently because I'm a woman than he does because he's a man.  I also handle it differently because of the way I'm wired psychologically as an individual than the way he handles it and the way he is wired and the way he just handles life.   I think what trips up so many couples is we expect our partner—we expect our spouse to handle it the way we do or, to at a minimum, to understand the way I feel; but that doesn't happen automatically.  It only happens with conversation.  There's a verse in Galatians that talks about bearing one another's burdens.  I think that's the essence of what it is when you go through storms and trials.  I need to listen and to help him bear his burdens and his difficulties, and I need him to do the same for me.  Have compassion on one another, bear one another's burdens, and allow each other freedom to process at your own pace and in your own way.   Dennis:  Again, guys, you've got to resist the urge to try to fix it.  There are going to be some storms that you go through that are not going to be fixable.  Cancer is one of them.   Barbara:  Number four is that storms result in storm damage.  That was really evident with the tornado because we, not only had 27 or more trees laying everywhere, our deck was demolished, and our fence was demolished.  Uprooted trees pulled up the sidewalk and pulled up grass and just—I mean it was—the house miraculously was intact, but everything around the house was a disaster.   That damage had to be cleaned up, and it didn't take—I mean, it wasn't done overnight.  We had a bunch of guys come out on Saturday, after the storm on Monday.  For probably about eight hours, we had ten men with chainsaws going.  The key to this thing, that we've learned, is that there is damage.  I think we underestimate the impact of the damage that comes, but the benefit on the other side of working through all of that—we have a lot more sunlight in our yard because we don't have as many trees!   The point is that we see the light more clearly, and I think in the storm that Dennis and I went through—or are still probably going through, in some ways with my breast cancer, is that we see God more clearly because the storms clear out things that we think are fine.  God wants to move things around so that we can see Him more clearly.  So, address the damage that comes from the storms in your life.   Dennis:  One other thing.  Just as we had some guys with chainsaws come and clear out the trees, we also had some friends who came and put their arms around us and processed this, as we went through it.  One caution here, as a couple.  When you do begin to deal with the damage of the storm, don't go through it alone.  The body of Christ exists to come alongside you—and back to the verse Barbara quoted in Galatians 6—they come alongside you to “bear your burden.”   Number five:  Storms are purposeful.  Romans 8:28—it's easy to quote that verse—“All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”  Do you believe that?  It's hard to believe it in the midst of the storm, but storms can—as Barbara said—increase the sunlight.  They can also—storms clean out the dead wood.  There can be increased fruit bearing, can deepen friendships; and in the process of storms, I think we can get to know God.   In Job, Chapter 42, it summarizes the end of Job's life.  Basically, he says—and this my paraphrase—he said, “Once I spoke of You and kind of thought of You; but as a result of everything I've been through, now, I know You.  Now, I experience You.”   The storms that we go through—if you respond according to what Jesus said back in Matthew, Chapter 7, in faith and obedience, will put you in touch with Him, and you'll learn a side to God where you'll fall more and more in love with Him.  I think one of the purposes of storms in life—as we look back over our lives and there's a bunch of storms we didn't list here—storms wean us from this world.   They remind us that this is great here—I mean the Caribbean blue, the beauty of God's creation, at night the stars without any ambient light of the city around—it's spectacular, but you and I were just made for here for a moment.  He went to prepare a place for us so that we could be there also.  Those storms are preparing for us an opportunity to suffer in faith and obedience, follow Jesus Christ, and ultimately, build your house on the rock. I want Barbara to pray for you, but I just want to read this again because you and I do not know what the next phone call brings.  We don't know what the next doctor's report will be—perhaps, in the midst of troubling economic times, some challenges financially—but Jesus' words, a summary of the greatest sermon He ever gave said this:  “Everyone, then, who hears these words of mine and does them, will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain fell, the floods came, the winds blew and beat on that house; but it did not fall because it had been founded on the rock.  Everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.  The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house; and it fell, and great was its fall.”   Be a house builder on the rock.  Don't wait for the storm to hit to build your home; build on the rock today, so when the storms hit, they will reveal what kind of foundation you have established.   [Song:  Ready for the Storm] Oh I am ready for the stormYes sir readyI am ready for the stormReady for the storm Bob:  [Studio] We have been listening to Dennis and Barbara Rainey sharing about some of the storms in marriage.  The good news is, as you were sharing it, we had calm seas and blue skies.  We had great weather this year onboard the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise.  This was just a couple of weeks ago as we were gathered with about a thousand couples who joined us.   The ship was completely full, and I know you talked to a lot of folks that morning who said, “We've had some”— Dennis:  Yes.   Bob:  —“issues of our own that we've had to lean on each other and lean on the Lord for.”   Dennis:  Yes.  After one of the sessions, one couple came up, Brian and Cindy Kelley.  They said, “Would you honor our parents?”  I said, “Well, what's up?”  They said, “Well, both my wife's parents and my parents are here on the cruise.  They're both celebrating 50 years of marriage.  They both got married on the same day in the same year, 50 years ago.”   Bob:  Wow.   Dennis:  A lot of people come to the Love Like You Mean It Cruise to celebrate a significant milestone anniversary.  For Bob and Geri Kelley from Chapman, Nebraska, and Clarence and Marsha Sorenfeld from Loup City, Nebraska—I don't know where either one of those communities are—congratulations for 50 years of marriage and for celebrating your anniversary with us on the Love Like You Mean It Cruise.   Bob:  I don't know if there was snow on the ground in Nebraska when the families left to come down and join us— Dennis:  You know there was.   Bob:  —in Miami.  It was interesting how many folks had come from some pretty cold climates.  We had a great week weather-wise, a great line-up of speakers, and some great music.  We're making plans for 2013 already.   You and Barbara are going to be on the cruise.  Mary Ann and I are going to be on.  Voddie Baucham is going to join us again.  Dr. Eric Mason will be with us.  We've got Sara Groves lined up—Anthony Evans, Priscilla Shirer.  Ron Deal is going to be there to do a break-out for blended couples, couples who are in a blended marriage.  It's a great line-up, and it's a great event.   We'd love to have you be a part the 2013 Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise when it sets sail from Miami.  We're going to Key West and Cozumel before we come back home.  You can get more information about how you can be a part of the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.  Just click on the link you see for the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise.  Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.   As I mentioned, our team has put together a special offer, for this week and next week, for FamilyLife Today listeners.  If you want to take advantage of that special offer—save a little money—go to FamilyLifeToday.com today and get all the information about how you can be a part of the cruise in 2013.   Now, I want to encourage you to be back with us tomorrow.  We are going to hear what Voddie Baucham had to share Wednesday morning on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise.  He did devotions for everybody onboard and talked about forgiveness.  We're going to hear his message tomorrow.  Hope you can tune in for that.   I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.   FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. ©Song:   Let the Wind Blow Artist:    The Imperials Album:  Let the Wind Blow ℗ 1985, Word, Incorporated  ©Song:  Ready for the Storm Artist:    Rich Mullins Album:  Songs 2 ℗ 1999 Reunion Records, Inc.  Copyright © FamilyLife.  All rights reserved.www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesRelating to Your Adult Children (Part 1) - Relating to Adult SinglesRelating to Your Adult Children (Part 2) - What Adult Children Need When They Get MarriedRelating to Your Adult Children (Part 3) - Walking Through Crisis With Your Adult ChildrenFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Relating to Adult Singles Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       Relating to Your Adult Children (Day 3 of 5)Air date:                     March 1, 2017______________________________________________________________________________ Bob: As a parent, what do you do when one of your adult children faces difficulty—they come to you, asking for help? Do you help out? Dennis Rainey says, “Maybe, but be careful.” Dennis: If you've got a child who has a pattern and a habit of irresponsible behavior, I think you dare not rescue them. Barbara: I agree. Dennis: You can't rush in and say, "Oh, let me help!" And some parents get their sense of importance and their own personal self-identity in terms of their relationship with their adult children. What they don't realize is they're raising children to become dependent upon them and not learn the lessons of life God has for them. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, March 1st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. As a parent, how can you tell when you ought to step in and help out and when you shouldn't? We'll talk about that today. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. You hear —it's almost become a cliché — people will say, "Kids grow up so fast." And they do grow up fast; but there are times, when you look at them, and you think they ought to be more grown up than they are, and they haven't. Part of our assignment, as parents, is to help finish that job —to make sure we have pointed them to what adulthood is supposed to look like and gotten them ready for when full adulthood arrives. Then, when that happens, our relationship with them needs to transition away from what it's been to something different; doesn't it? Dennis: We have to move from being authoritative parents to affirming them, as adults, and then begin to relate to them, not as a parent in charge of them, but instead relate to them more as a peer, although we'll always be a parent with them. 2:00 Bob: That's right. You've been defining adulthood this week as —what is it?—independently dependent; right? Dennis: Independently dependent upon Jesus Christ.  Bob: That's where you want your children to be. Dennis: That's right. We want our children to have a faith of their own and learn how to live life under God's authority.  Barbara —who joins us again on FamilyLife Today —Barbara and I have —well, it sounds easy in the studio; but it's been an interesting process of releasing six of our children now through this transition phase toward adulthood and watching, now, five out of six get married. Hello!  It's an interesting process—trust me! Bob: Barbara, welcome back to the program.  Barbara: Thanks. Bob: We've talked about the transition that begins when the kids leave home for college, or for career, or maybe they're still home for awhile as they get established in a career / in a job.  3:00 We've also said we're aiming for a day that is a full-release day / an emancipation day. Did you memorialize that / did you ceremonialize that? In other words, did you have a dinner or an event, where you said: “Congratulations!—here's the title deed to the car,” or whatever you did to launch them into adulthood? Barbara: We did more of a ceremony upon graduation from high school, going into college and on their own, than we did going into adulthood. The real ceremony, when we officially said they were adults, was when they packed up the U-Haul® and pulled out of the driveway —that was the real ceremony. Bob: Right. Dennis: I think there are times when we, as parents, need to help our kids out —getting started—but we do need to be very careful that we're not using our position in life to just carve out a place for them where they don't have their own identity. 4:00 Bob: You know, I think most of us are aware that when children get married, we're supposed to have a new relationship with them. But there is a phase between, I don't know, the end of college and the time that they get married —that may be a couple of years —and they are adults but not married. That's kind of an awkward phase for us, as parents, to know what our responsibility should be —particularly, I think, for girls. Barbara: I think it's a little bit different for girls. Two of our children moved into that phase, unmarried —one was a son, and one was a daughter. It was different with our daughter than it was with our son. I felt a little bit more responsibility to help her with things. For instance, we went to visit her when she was still single and living in Atlanta. She picked us up from the airport, and we're driving down the freeway. Dennis said: "Your car feels kind of funny. Have you had it checked lately?" And she said, "Oh, yes; I had the oil changed,"—whatever. Well, when we got where we were going, he got out and looked at it. Her wheels —I mean, the tires on her car were nearly bare. 5:00 Dennis: You could see the steel belts. Bob:   Oh, really?—yes. Barbara: And she just—even though she did some minor car repair with her car when she was in college—I mean, you know, we told her, "Go get your oil changed," and all that kind of stuff—she never really was responsible for it totally on her own. And now she was, and she just didn't—she had no idea why her car was shaking. It didn't occur to her that there was anything wrong with it. She just thought it was the car, or the road, or whatever. We felt a little bit more a sense of responsibility to protect her and to help her take care of that. Bob: Now, did she need four tires? Dennis: Oh, yes! And the interesting thing was—is that took just about every penny she had in savings; and yet, she got a chance to see God's providential care, because some of our closest friends in Atlanta—well, we happened to be staying with them. They overheard the conversation—told us where to take the car to get the tires put on— 6:00 Barbara: —because they knew somebody locally who would give her a good deal and wouldn't overcharge her. That's a problem for these kids—because they don't know, when they're in a new city, who to go to and they can be taken advantage of. We were concerned about that, as her parents. Dennis: Yes; and it turned out to be more than tires. She needed brakes too. I mean, you know, it was—I think it was $500 or $600. These are really good friends; because they said: “You know, we realize Rebecca is working with young people today and leading high school girls to Christ in Atlanta. Barbara: Right.  Dennis: "We would like to participate in her ministry by supplying the tires and the brake pads for her car." They took care of it, and so here she got a chance to see God provide for her in a very specific way. Now, God doesn't always do that. Bob: Yes; and that's what I was going to say.  7:00 Let's say you didn't have friends who stepped in and did that. Your daughter calls and says: "I just took the car to the shop. It's $600, because they say I need brakes in addition to tires. Mom/Dad, I don't have $600. What do I do?" Barbara: I'm not sure what we would have done if she had not had the money. She had been saving money. That's part of the reason why this was so traumatic for her; because when she realized what this was going to cost, it would have taken every penny that she had saved up until that point. She was just overwhelmed. But if our friends hadn't stepped in, we would not have stepped in and paid for her tires. Bob: You wouldn't have bailed her out? You wouldn't have done it? Barbara: I don't think so—would we have? Dennis: Well, you know, since it involved a single woman in a major city on the freeways, driving back and forth to work, I don't know. [Laughter] Barbara: If she hadn't had the money, we might have helped her—I don't know what we would have done—but she had the money to cover it if they hadn't stepped in. So it was a good lesson, I know. Dennis: I'm glad I didn't have that choice, Bob. 8:00 Bob: This is one of the big areas—when we talk about your, now, adult children and that day of full emancipation—the financial side of things is where it all gets sticky; isn't it? Barbara: It really is. Dennis: And it gets really foggy, too, as to where we need to be careful we don't step in and rescue our children from irresponsibility.  Bob: Right. Dennis: Now, if you've got a child, who has a pattern and a habit of irresponsible behavior, I think you dare not rescue them. Barbara: I agree. Dennis: You can't rush in and say, "Oh, let me help." Some parents get their sense of importance and their own personal self-identity in terms of their relationship with their adult children. What they don't realize is they're raising children to become dependent upon them and not learn the lessons of life God has for them. Bob: You know, this issue of a child becoming financially independent is a challenge. There is another challenge, though, and that is how much freedom and independence should an adult child have in terms of relationships?  9:00 What about when an adult son—a 25-/26-year-old—comes and says, "I think I've met the one that is the one that I want to marry”?—does a parent say: "Well, that sounds great. Send us an invitation to the wedding,” or do you get more actively involved in the process than that? Dennis: Bob, I think a lot of parents don't play all the cards they have in their hand when it comes to this decision. I think we, as parents, need to be involved in this aspect of their children's lives. The reason is—this is a life-determinative decision. Who you marry really determines what—not merely how you're going to live—but the spiritual plane on which you live and where you are going to raise your children and under what values.  10:00 As parents, I think if there is a time to step into your children's lives—and to disagree with them, or to throw your body in front of the train as they are running and rushing headlong into marriage—it's right here. We've done this on two or three different occasions with our children. Bob, I'll tell you—it's one of the riskiest things Barbara and I have ever done in our relationship with our children. Interestingly enough, it's not occurred around our sons—it's been around our daughters, who I do think need a dad and a mom to help them navigate these waters. Barbara: I remember, with two of our girls, stepping in. I think what I want to say is—there's a huge difference in letting your children fail, financially, as in bouncing checks or some of those kinds of things, and fail in the most important decision that they make. With our oldest daughter, she was dating a young man who, outwardly, had everything we were looking for.  11:00 And yet there was something inside of me and in Dennis, too—I think, if I remember right—we both felt this way. Dennis: Yes; but you stronger than me. Barbara: Yes; but there was something that just wasn't right. I remember going for walks. When I'd go walking in the mornings, I'd say: "Lord, what is it that I don't feel good about? What is it that I don't like?" I would mentally go through this checklist and go, "Well, he's this, and he's this, and he's this," and all these things that we thought we wanted in a husband for our daughter; but there was something inside—it was kind of an intuitive thing—that didn't feel right. As we talked and prayed about it, that didn't change. I remember driving to Memphis to meet Ashley for lunch one day. It's a two-hour drive for me, and it was a two-hour drive for her. She was a junior in college at the time. We met in Memphis for lunch. I went with the express purpose of talking her out of this relationship and convincing her that this was not the person that she needed to be marrying. 12:00 Dennis: And I want to say here, Bob—that trip that she made came about after a lot of prayer— Barbara: A lot. Dennis: —and a lot of discussion on our part. It also came after Barbara and I had counted the cost that this might cost us our relationship with our daughter—she was that much "head over heels" with the young man. We also realized that we had to handle it appropriately; because if she decided to ignore our counsel, and then decided to share what we were saying with the young man, we would be dead on arrival at the wedding. Bob: —and for the rest of the marriage. Dennis: Absolutely—there would be no relationship / virtually, no chance of a relationship. It would be a remarkable man or woman who could look past that kind of—well— 13:00 Barbara: —concern. Dennis: Yes; intrusion—we inserted ourselves into that relationship. I remember another conversation that we had with Ashley on our way from Little Rock to another city, where we talked to her again. These were hard discussions with our firstborn daughter. Bob: And I want to ask you about them, because you talk about throwing yourself in front of the train. Were you saying to her: "Your dad and I could not support this. We couldn't come to a wedding." I mean, there are different levels, or were you just saying: "Boy, we've got some real concerns; and we want you to think about this. It's going to be your decision, but …” Barbara: I think what we were doing is—I think we had had some of those smaller, more minor, so to speak, conversations along the way on the phone. But when I drove to Memphis, it was a lot more significant—primarily because I was taking the time, and she was taking the time.  14:00 It was not just a phone call; and I drove over there to say—not just "We have concerns," because that had already been expressed—I drove over there to say: "We really don't feel like this is God's will for you,” and “We really are concerned and want to plead with you to reconsider."  I don't remember what I said, honestly—I don't remember what words I used—but I remember that it was very difficult to do. I remember that she didn't respond. She said: "I appreciate you taking the time to come over here. I've heard what you said, but I don't agree with you. I'm not going to call it off—I'm not going to break up with him."  I remember leaving and driving home. I had to pull over to the side of the road for a few minutes because I was crying so hard I couldn't drive—because I felt like I'd lost her. It was a real vivid—it's a real vivid memory for me. I was driving out of the city, and she was actually behind me. At the point where I kept going west to Little Rock, and she had to take this turn to go south to go back to Ole Miss— 15:00 —I watched her car. I just remember feeling like she was gone and that it was over—the relationship was over because she just made it so clear that she did not agree with her mom and dad—that she thought we were totally missing it—she was right, and we were wrong. It was a very, very hard situation. Dennis: And I want to say this—to step into your emerging adult child's life and speak for God, you better be sure you're speaking for God—the Scriptures really warn against that. But I'm going to tell you—as we evaluated that relationship, as we observed, as we went to the Scriptures—it really wasn't right / it wasn't best for Ashley. God used that conversation that Barbara had in Ashley's life to get her attention—He used us / He used her brothers, interestingly enough, who also went to her. 16:00 Bob: You didn't set them up on this deal; did you? Dennis: No; they kind of independently had conversations with her, where she began to see "I'm in a tough spot."  Barbara: It wasn't just us—it was her brothers too—and so that—it made the choice more significant, on her part, to reject those who knew her best and loved her most for her decision. Interestingly, God also used the young man that she eventually married. I don't know that he had any intentions of dating Ashley, either, at the time; but I remember her calling me on the phone and telling me what Michael said. Inwardly, I went: "Oh, he is so right! I am so glad God allowed him to talk to her," because she respected him as a friend; and he didn't have the same motives that her family had. He was an outside source, looking in; and God used him too. It was gracious of God to work all of that out to prevent her from making a poor choice. 17:00 Bob: How long from the time you had lunch with her and thought you'd lost her until she broke off the relationship? Barbara: Probably about two-and-a-half months. Bob: Wow!—a tough two-and-a-half months for you. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: And I want to be quick to say too—that young man is a valuable young man. Barbara: Yes; and this is not against him. Dennis: It really wasn't; but it was just a combination of things we saw in their relationship that made it not right.  To say nothing is the easiest thing. The more courageous thing is to step in, and to say it in a way that gains you the greatest chance of being heard, and then to step back and pray, and allow God to do the work. It really is a sacred and a holy moment to be able to step into your children's lives. If you do that, you better make sure you're in agreement, as a couple, and that you've counted the cost of what you're going to say and what you're going to do. 18:00 Bob: —and that you use some wisdom in how you approach it.  Dennis: And, Bob, after you're a part of maybe a breakup like that, as parents, you can't be just a demolition derby, where you're destroying relationships or breaking up relationships. You have to step back into your children's lives and refurbish hope. One of my favorite quotes for single young women and for single young men is by a great English preacher by the name of D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones. It's very simple—he said, "Faith is the refusal to panic."  “Can you trust God with these circumstances? Can you believe that God is the God of hope?—that He can replace the hurt, the disappointment, and the breakup of this relationship with something far better?”—something spoken of in Romans, Chapter 12:2—"…that which is good, acceptable, and perfect—the will of God."  19:00 As parents, we've got to speak the words that, at points, divide; but we also have to speak the words that bring faith and encouragement, especially to these young adults who don't—you know, they don't have the knowledge of God and trusting Him for all these issues. We have to minister to them, and come alongside them, and be careful not merely to preach at them but to comfort them and encourage them. Bob: That's a good word. I'm thinking about the times when my parents were still alive—or my in-laws—have said to me, “You're doing a good job.” It's comforting to know, even as an adult / as a grown-up, to know that others who are watching you / who have a vested interest in this are affirming what you're trying to do, as a parent. I think we have to remember, as moms and dads, that we can be a powerful source for encouragement and affirming our kids when we see them doing what they ought to be doing, as husbands and wives or as parents. 20:00 In fact, I'm thinking to myself that we probably have some listeners who have tuned in, who have not been able to be with us for this entire conversation this week. They may want to go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. I think this whole series is helpful for moms and dads who have kids who are approaching the finish line or who have crossed over—maybe it's been several years since your kids became emancipated adults. It's just helpful to have some reminders about what our assignment is with our adult children. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can listen to all five parts of this conversation on our website—you can stream it / you can download each of the five individual segments in this series—and of course, streaming, and downloads, and transcripts are all free.  21:00 We're able to provide this for listeners because of folks, like you, who make it possible—folks like you who are Legacy Partners or who will occasionally contribute to support this ministry. You're enabling us to have these kinds of conversations and to reach more and more people with God's design for marriage and family. That's how your dollars get invested when you donate to FamilyLife. Your dollars make it possible for the reach of this ministry to expand. We're hearing from folks all around the world, who are benefiting from the ministry of FamilyLife Today. Thank you for your partnership with us.  If you can help with a donation today, either a first-time gift as a new monthly Legacy Partner or a one-time donation in support of this ministry, we'd like to say, “Thank you,” by helping you get ready to celebrate Easter this year with your kids or your grandkids.  22:00 We'd love to send you a set of FamilyLife's Resurrection Eggs®—a dozen plastic eggs, each with a symbol in each one designed to highlight a different aspect of the life of Jesus in His last week before His resurrection. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. Or you can request the Resurrection Eggs and mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. Again, thanks for partnering with us and helping us reach more people with the practical biblical help and hope that we seek to provide, here at FamilyLife. Now, this weekend is a big weekend for us, here at FamilyLife. We will have thousands of couples who will be attending one of our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways this weekend. Three of them are within driving distance of one another.  23:00 We have a team that is headed out—in fact, they're heading out now—to go to Cleveland, Ohio, because the Weekend to Remember in Cleveland starts this Friday night. They're going to be there—the team—this is our FamilyLife Weekend to Remember road trip team. They're going to be there, talking to couples—getting stories/  hearing about the experience of the Weekend to Remember—and reporting on all of it on Facebook® / doing some Facebook live and some Facebook updates so that you can follow along with what the road trip team has going on all weekend.  They go from Cleveland to Chicago overnight; and they'll be at the Chicago Weekend to Remember on Saturday; and then they head to Nashville, where they'll be on Sunday—so three events in three states over the course of the weekend. You can follow along with everything that's happening if you follow us on Facebook. If you don't know how to follow us on Facebook, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Look for the Facebook logo, and we'll give you the directions there so that you can keep an eye on what's happening this weekend.  24:00 If you've never been to a Weekend to Remember, this will be a good chance for you to get a sense of what goes on at one of these weekend getaways. Now, tomorrow, we're going to continue our conversation about adult children. We're going to talk about how much space is too much space / how much is not enough—you know, when your kids need a little space and you think: “Should we call them? Should we just leave them alone? Am I pestering them?” We'll talk about that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that conversation. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.______________________________________________________________________________  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com   

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesRelating to Your Adult Children (Part 1) - Relating to Adult SinglesRelating to Your Adult Children (Part 2) - What Adult Children Need When They Get MarriedRelating to Your Adult Children (Part 3) - Walking Through Crisis With Your Adult ChildrenFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. What Adult Children Need When They Get Married Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       Relating to Your Adult Children (Day 4 of 5)Air date:                     March 2, 2017  Bob: Alright; imagine this scene—one of your children was recently married. She is now back from the honeymoon—been back in town for a couple of days, and you haven't heard from her. Do you call her, or do you wait for her to call you? Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: I think that the best course is to give your children as much freedom as you can, and then let them invite you back into their lives rather than showing up all the time and calling every day and there being a sense of "Just leave us alone!" because sometimes parents are over-involved from the beginning when they—what that other person really needs is for them to step back and be invited. This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, March 2nd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Are you giving your adult children the space they need? We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us. 1:00  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. We're talking this week about parents dealing with adult children and how our relationship, as parents, has to change as our children become adults. I always think about Stu Weber's wife Linda, who joined us years ago on FamilyLife Today—the point that she made when her son had just gotten engaged—you remember this story; right? Dennis: I do remember the illustration she used. Bob: She gave a present to her daughter-in-law, and it was the night of the rehearsal dinner; right? Dennis: Right. Bob: And the daughter-in-law opened up the box and pulled out two strips of cloth— Barbara: Apron strings. Dennis: —that had been clipped. Bob: It was Linda's way of saying: “The relationship is changing—I acknowledge that. The apron strings belong to you now.” 2:00 Dennis: Yes; and to talk about the apron strings—we bring Barbara back to the studio, my bride now since 1972. Bob: Have you clipped off some apron strings? Barbara: We have. Dennis: No doubt about it!  Barbara: We have. Dennis: Contrast that with parents who lengthen the apron strings when their kids get married. Bob: The tether, you mean? Dennis: Oh my goodness!—and the problems that that brings! You know, in raising kids, you move from high control to ultimately no control. You move from total influence to—how should I say it?—minimal influence— Bob: Limited influence? Dennis: Limited influence—  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —maybe that's the better way to state it. Bob: Well, and that's what I'm wondering: “Does the relationship between a parent and child change to the point where there is virtually no influence / where there is no control?—or once they're married, do you still have some level of control?” 3:00 Dennis: Yes; it can move to that Bob—at the decision of the child. It really does depend upon the adult child, if he or she is going to allow the parent, or the parents, to influence them. Barbara: For us, we really wanted to be invited into our adult children's lives as opposed to assuming that we could have influence. We wanted to have some influence—we still wanted to keep the relationship going—and we hoped they would call and ask for advice on buying their first house, or a job, or some of those kinds of things; but we didn't assume that would be the case. We didn't want to presuppose anything with them because we wanted them to want our involvement in their lives. Bob: And you've gotten that invitation from your children; right? Barbara: Yes. Bob: If you hadn't gotten it—let's assume for a moment that a child didn't call and ask for your opinion on buying a first house, changing a job—any of these things. There was still a cordial relationship but a clear signal of distance. 4:00 Dennis: Hands off. Bob: Would you observe those boundaries and say, "That's the way it ought to be"? Barbara: Yes; because to do otherwise is to not really give them their freedom—it's to not give the apron strings / it's to say, "I still know better than you, and you need me." All that's going to do is create resentment and hostility, and it's just not healthy for our relationship. So, I think if any of our kids had made it clear that they didn't want our advice, or our thoughts, or our counsel, we wouldn't have given it. Dennis: We're talking here about what adult children need when they get married. Bob: Yes. Dennis: I think they have some very specific needs. First, they need the blessing and the approval of their parents as they begin to establish this new relationship that they've never had before—that they've never experienced before. They need us to, I think, provide—if not in a ceremony, certainly through our words and our attitudes—a sense of sending them into the marriage and commissioning them in this new relationship. 5:00 Bob: Barbara, the Scriptures say that in marriage, we are to leave father and mother—we're to cleave to husband and wife. There is a level of independence that is prescribed by the Scriptures for marriage. I think the question is, “How complete is that independence?” That's where it gets fuzzy; you know? Barbara: Yes; it really does. That's why I think that the best course is to give your children as much freedom as you can, and then let them invite you back into their lives. I would rather err on being less involved and have my kids say, "Why don't you call us more often?" and "We want you to come visit more often," rather than showing up all the time, and calling every day, and there being a sense of "Just leave us alone!" you know; because that can happen.  6:00 I think sometimes parents are so eager to continue that relationship and to get to know the new person in the family / the new spouse that they are over-involved from the beginning, when they—what that other person really needs is for them to step back and be invited. Bob: Have some space; yes. But what if the invitation back in, on the part of the child, is really an invitation, saying, "I want you to be my parent again,"— Barbara: Yes; that could happen. Bob: —or “I want you to—  Barbara: —“…rescue me,” or “…help me out financially.” Bob: What about that? Barbara: Well, I think parents just need to be discerning and understand what the request really is and not get sucked into rescuing this couple, because the young man needs to be the provider and the leader of the family. For parents to step back in and assume that, at any level, is to undermine him as the husband. Dennis: Genesis, Chapter 2:24-25 makes it real clear: “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” If we're not careful, as parents of adult children, as they get married, we'll undermine a spouse, whether it be a male or a female.  7:00 We'll undermine their relationship— Bob: Yes. Dennis: —create divided loyalties. Your children must leave you. Barbara: That's right. Dennis: Your children must leave you if they are going to cleave to their spouse. And if you attempt to undo the cleaving by pulling them back towards yourself—either through manipulation, through anger, through pouting. I've had adult children tell me all kinds of ways that parents have tried to get their way through them. In the process, they have become dangerous to the success of the marriage relationship. Bob: Yes. Dennis: I just want to underline what Barbara said: “If you have to err on one side or the other,”—and this is our firm conviction—“I would rather our children be inviting us back in than telling us to get out!” 8:00 Bob: But if they're inviting you back, as parents—if they're saying: “Rescue us,” “Save us,” “Help us,” —you've got to be discerning in that. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: You really do.  There is one other thing I want to point out here too. Your children are constantly going to be looking into your face for approval—they looked into your face for 18, 20, 20-plus years. What you have to be careful, as parents, is that you give an appropriate amount of encouragement—cheering them on, putting your arm around them and telling them what a great job they've done—but then, at points, when they surprise you, or they shock you, or they make a wrong choice—tell your face to play poker / I mean, put on a poker face. Do not scowl at them, judge them, or become critical of them. For some of us, who tend to wear our feelings on our sleeves and are very open people, that becomes very difficult. Bob: Yes. 9:00 Dennis: I have, on more than one occasion—as I've related to our adult children— I've had to just kind of, internally, go: "Now, Dennis, keep your emotions. They are their own person. They are not a six-year-old," even though they may be acting [Laughter] like they're a bit younger—maybe not like a six-year-old. And, of course, these would not be our children to do this. Bob: Right! Dennis: But you will find, as you raise adult children, who get married—their values will not be your values. They're going to have their own, and you have to give them freedom to have their own values. Barbara: That's right. Bob: Some of the best advice I remember hearing on this particular topic came as we were interviewing Carolyn Mahaney and her three daughters. Carolyn said the girls would call regularly and say: "Mom, what do you think I should do about this?” “What's your advice here?"  I remember her saying that her first question back to them was always, "Well, what does your husband think?"  Dennis: Yes. Bob: I thought, “Now that's shrewd.”  Dennis: It is. Barbara: Very wise. Bob: That's a mom who understands that the loyalty and the allegiance needs to be transferred.  10:00 Your daughters and daughters-in-law have invited you into their lives. Did they know they were supposed to do that? Dennis: You know, Bob, before our children were married, we told them that up until the point where they tied the knot, we had a few things we— Bob: —you were still going to say. Dennis: —we were still going to say, and some coaching tips, and maybe some final shaping of even an adult child before they got married, where we felt like: “You know what? Before you take on this commitment, this is fair game. This is a healthy discussion. We're going to talk to you about how you two come together in this thing called marriage and maybe some patterns in your life that we see will impact your marriage.” But we told them: “After you get married, if you want our opinion, you're going to have to ask for it. That means—if you want our help and our opinion about some issue between you and your spouse, you're going to have to ask for it.  11:00 “If you want some help about disciplining children after you start having children, you'll have to invite us back in to do that.” And, Bob, all of our children have done that. I think it was the freedom we gave them to say: “You know what? You've got to decide whether you want to invite us back in, and we'll come back in on your terms.” Bob: You think, in general, Barbara, that parents ought to take the responder role rather than the initiator role once marriage has taken place—let them initiate / you respond—don't you initiate and start offering advice. Barbara: Yes; I would really agree with that, because then that gives them the freedom to make their own choices, and to create their own life, and to work out the marriage the way they want to. I just think it keeps parents from intruding and coming across parental. Bob: When your daughters or your daughters-in-law have invited you in and sought your counsel, what kinds of things have they asked you about? Barbara: Well, I have had some conversations with Ashley, I think, from time to time, because she married first—she was about four years ahead of the boys.  12:00 After Samuel's wedding, we were still all together—the rest of the family—we hadn't all left and gone back to our respective homes. We were talking with Ben and Marsha Kay, who were engaged and were to be married six weeks later. Marsha Kay was so sweet and so kind and said to me, as we were just sitting around, having a conversation—she said, "You know, I'd really like for you to give me some tips on being a wife." I remember feeling so honored, first of all, because I really didn't know her that well. She was kind of the new kid on the block in the family, so to speak. Bob: She's marrying Barbara Rainey's son—I mean, you've got a chance to get Barbara Rainey's advice! Every young woman wants that; don't they?! Barbara: Well, not necessarily. [Laughter] I sure wasn't going to give it without being asked; and I didn't expect that, actually. I had no intention of giving her any advice—or Stephanie, either, for that matter—but Marsha Kay said: "You know, I'd really like to have you give me some tips on being a wife. I've never been a wife before, and I just would like for you to do that."  13:00 I remember—I just remember feeling such an incredible sense of honor that she would ask. I asked the other two girls—I asked Ashley and Stephanie both if they would be interested. They said they would—so I began to write them just on topics that I remember learning about in our years of marriage. I started out by writing things that I remember learning those first few years, and then I broadened it to things that I've continued to learn over the course of our marriage. Bob: What's one of the things that you've shared                                                                          with them? Barbara: The first letter that I wrote—I just wrote some things that I remember learning those very early months of our marriage. I wrote about how I learned how to pray and how not to pray for my husband—that was the topic of the first letter. Would you like for me to read a piece of it? Bob: I'd like to know— Barbara: You would? Bob: —what you learned about how to pray and how not to pray; yes. Barbara: Okay. Dennis: It was hard to pray for me because—[Laughter] Barbara: There wasn't much that needed to be fixed; right? 14:00 Dennis: No! No! It was kind of boring there in the early years. Barbara: Alright; now let me read then [Laughter] what really happened. Bob: A truth check coming up here!  Dennis: “And now, the rest of the story.” Barbara: Yes; well, here is one of the paragraphs that I wrote:  One of the very first lessons I learned, as a new wife, was how to pray and how not to pray for my husband. Even though we'd been good friends for three years before we married, I quickly discovered—just a few short months into the marriage—that there were some habits, tendencies, and weaknesses—[Laughter] Dennis: Rewind the tape—hurry! Bob: Habits, tendencies, and weaknesses— Dennis: Bob, Bob, Bob—you don't have to repeat! The listeners heard it the first time, Bob. Bob: Keep going—I'm loving this. Dennis: We're calling Mary Ann next. [Laughter] Barbara: Anyway:  There were some of those things”—I won't repeat them—“in my husband that were not so pleasant. We were living in Boulder, Colorado, that first year of marriage. Neither of us had any friends, locally, much less a mentor.  15:00 Mentoring was not even a concept then.  I had a good model of faithfulness, and loyalty, and servanthood in my mother; but I have no idea if she prayed for my father. I only assumed that, as a Christian wife—and I was going to be the best wife that ever lived—I should pray for my husband, and so I began a page for him in my quiet time notebook. I don't remember the details now—only what I learned. Being conscientious, I began to record the things that I started seeing that I thought needed to be changed. I was sure God would agree with me. I added to my— Dennis: Could we now have some music that begins to play over her voice? [Laughter] Bob: No, no, no, no! We're enjoying this too much! [Laughter] Dennis: How about Amazing Grace? [Laughter] Barbara: There you go—that applies to me too. Let's see:  I was sure God would agree with me. I added to my list slowly, but it didn't take long for the list to grow to ten or more weaknesses. I felt it my duty to pray faithfully for Dennis and to do it every day. I was surprised, however, to discover that my praying for God to change all those areas only caused me to focus every day on what was wrong, in my opinion. 16:00 Bob: So you were meditating on your— Barbara: —my husband—I was. Bob: You're meditating on your husband's weaknesses. Barbara: I was meditating on all these things every day, as I thought that was what I was supposed to do, as a wife—bring this before God.  Bob: Yes. Barbara: I thought it was the right thing to do. Dennis: [Hums Amazing Grace] Bob: In the process of that meditation, did the Lord begin to tweak your thinking? Barbara: He did. [Laughter] Bob: Please, cut the music here. [Laughter] Give our listeners a little grace; will you? [Laughter] Barbara: So the question was— Bob: Over time, did the Lord begin to adjust your thinking? Barbara: He did—and quickly I might add too. I'll pick it back up from the letter that I wrote to the girls—I wrote:  I felt it my duty to pray faithfully for Dennis. I was surprised, however, to discover that my praying for God to change all those things only caused me to focus every day on what was wrong. My prayers made me see him negatively, especially since God wasn't answering quickly. I didn't like the result. It may have been a spiritual exercise, but it wasn't fun. 17:00 I remember clearly one day deciding to quit praying my list. I told the Lord that it was His business to change my husband's life, and I wasn't going to remind Him anymore what He needed to work on. I said, “Lord, I give my husband to You, and I give You all these things that I think need to be changed. If You want to change any of those, it's up to You. I'm not praying about it anymore.”  Perhaps it was that day or maybe a few days later, but my shift in focus made a big difference in my perspective. I didn't notice the things that were wrong nearly as often. They didn't bother me as much anymore and it was a great relief. Dennis: Could we have the Hallelujah chorus instead of Amazing Grace now? [Laughter] Bob: Actually, the thing I want to know is: “Can you remember just one or two things from the list?” [Laughter] Barbara: Actually, I can! Bob: Yes? Barbara: I just began to see how different we were. Dennis: [Hums Amazing Grace] Barbara: Here we go! [Laughter] Bob: —full of grace. Barbara: Because I was organized and more disciplined, and I thought he should be that way too. I didn't realize how good it was for me that we were so different.  18:00 I just was very immature and very young. I didn't know how to be a wife! Bob: That's the reality for our kids when they get married. That's why it's hard for us, as parents, not to want to intervene and help them grow up. Dennis: Man, I'm telling you. Bob: But you're saying, “Don't go there!” unless they invite you. Barbara: That's correct. Dennis: I know of one pair of parents, who have an adult daughter and son-in-law, where the son-in-law and the daughter made some choices that were just unwise and didn't wait to get the counsel—went ahead and rushed ahead to make a major purchase. You can make some pretty colossal mistakes in your early months and years of marriage—like purchasing a house when you're overstepping your ability—and then you begin to find out you're way over-extended. Then you've got bigger issues like credit reports.  19:00 I know, in this pair of parents' lives—that was hard for them to sit back / to watch and to say nothing. I mean, if you're not invited in—and they are about to make a colossal mistake—sometimes it takes a mistake for the lesson to be learned.  The discipline for parents—I thought raising little ones was difficult—but truthfully, saying nothing many times was more difficult, as we've related to our adult children—who have done remarkably well—but saying nothing is far more difficult than what you used to say when you were raising little ones and teenagers. Bob: Yes; part of the challenge is that we've raised them, as children and as teenagers, for so long—that we've gotten so used to parenting them—that it's hard for us to pull back from what we're used to doing.  20:00 That's why I think what we've been trying to do all week is provide some coaching for moms and dads in this area. It may be that this is one of those series that you need to go back and listen to a second time, or share with a friend, or share with your spouse so that both of you are on the same page as you raise your children and as you do let them go.  The good news is you can download all five parts of this series on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Download the audio and listen to it at your leisure. You can stream it from our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. If you have the FamilyLife app, you can listen anytime you want—to this on the app. If you'd prefer to read the transcripts, those are available as well. 21:00  The reason that we have all these different ways of making this program and this series available is because we have listeners who have said, “This kind of practical biblical help needs to be distributed widely.” You've made it possible through your financial gifts—for FamilyLife Today to be heard, not only on radio, but on the web, through the downloads, through our daily podcast, through our app—and then the transcripts being available as well. Our Legacy Partners and those of you who contribute on occasion—you make all of that possible as you partner with us. Here, in the ministry of FamilyLife, our goal is to see every home become a godly home. As you support the ministry, we're able to expand and reach more and more people with God's design for marriage and family. I just want to say a word of thanks to those of you who are Legacy Partners—monthly donors who support this ministry—and those of you who will, from time to time, make a donation to support what we're doing. We're grateful for your ongoing support of this ministry. 22:00 If you can help with a donation today—whether it's your first gift as a new Legacy Partner or it's a one-time donation—we'd love to say, “Thank you,” by sending you a resource you can use with your children or your grandchildren in the weeks leading up to Easter. It's called Resurrection Eggs®. If you're not familiar with these—it is a dozen plastic eggs, each one containing a different symbol that represents something that happened in the life of Jesus between the time of His triumphal entry on Palm Sunday and the time of His resurrection. It's a great way for kids to learn the Easter story and learn about the last week of Jesus' life on earth. Resurrection Eggs are our thank-you gift to you when you make a donation to support the ministry this week. You can do that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can make a donation over the phone—call 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can also mail your donation, along with your request for the Resurrection Eggs.  23:00 Write to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. Again, thanks for your partnership with us in the ministry of FamilyLife Today. Now, I know we've got thousands of couples who are excited about this weekend; because they're going to be joining us at one of our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways. We have a team from here at FamilyLife that is on the road—they are on their way to Cleveland, Ohio, today, where the Weekend to Remember kicks off tomorrow night. They're going to be, on hand, getting stories—talking to folks / finding out about what happens at a Weekend to Remember—and then sharing all of that on Facebook® live and with updates. Then they're going to move on from Cleveland to Chicago. They'll be at the Weekend to Remember in Chicago on Saturday; and from there, they head to Nashville on Sunday. If you'd like to follow their progress throughout the weekend, you just need to follow us on Facebook.  24:00 You can do that by going to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking the Facebook icon—that'll get you all hooked up. We hope you'll peek in over the course of the weekend and see what's going on at these Weekend to Remember marriage getaways.  I hope you'll be back with us tomorrow when we're going to talk about how what's going on with your adult children—even after they've left the home—can still have an impact on your marriage relationship, as husband and wife. We'll pick up on that tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.   Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesRelating to Your Adult Children (Part 1) - Relating to Adult SinglesRelating to Your Adult Children (Part 2) - What Adult Children Need When They Get MarriedRelating to Your Adult Children (Part 3) - Walking Through Crisis With Your Adult ChildrenFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Walking Through Crisis with Your Adult Children Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                                   From the series:       Relating to Your Adult Children (Day 5 of 5)Air date:                     March 3, 2017  Bob: Even after your children have grown up and left the nest, what's happening in their lives can continue to have an impact on your marriage. Here is Dennis Rainey. Dennis: A crisis with an adult child?—it can threaten the marriage of the parents, because the parents can begin to turn against one another as they process grief and they're not off the same page. One wants to rescue and the other wants to let them hit the wall. I mean, the combinations are endless here; but what has to happen is—I think a couple has to go to their knees before God and then ask, in faith, for wisdom. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, March 3rd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. It still requires a lot of wisdom on the part of a parent to know how to relate to a child when he or she is all grown up. We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. You know the story from the Bible of the Good Samaritan; right? Dennis: Right. Bob: The guy is off in the ditch—he's been beaten by robbers, who have taken his money—left him for dead. The people pass by and ignore him until a Samaritan comes by. The Samaritan stops and helps him out. I mention that because we've been talking this week about relating, as parents, to our adult children. You and your wife Barbara, who joins us again today—Barbara, welcome to FamilyLife Today. Barbara: Thank you, Bob. Bob: You guys have told us that what we need to do, as our children reach adulthood, is to get to a point where they are emancipated—where they are no longer under our authority. But there may be times when we pass by, and they're in the ditch.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: Then: “Do we ignore them when we find them in that situation?” That's the subject we want to explore today:  2:00 “What happens when your adult child finds himself or herself in trouble / in crisis?  When do you step back in; or when do you pull away and say: ‘You know what? You're grown up. You're going to have to work your way out of this one yourself.'” That's a tough issue for parents. Dennis: It is, Bob; and I think, on this one, instead of beginning with what your adult child needs, I want to pull back. In the midst of a crisis—I want to talk to parents about what the parents need as they relate to their adult children in crisis; alright? First of all, I think we need, as we relate to our children, a healthy perspective of God's grace, His mercy, and His forgiveness. You know, Ephesians, Chapter 4, verse 32 says that "We are to forgive one another just as God, in Christ, has forgiven us."  3:00 The problem is, as parents, when our children fail, as adults—and they go through an abusive marriage, or get involved in a relationship that's shameful, or an addiction, or maybe go off the deep end and become a full-blown prodigal / publicly dishonoring us—  Bob: Yes. Dennis: —well, a part of our fiber, as parents, is—we want to grow old, being honored by our children and fulfilling the fifth commandment. The fifth commandment commands children, “Honor your father and mother, that it may be well with you, and that you may live a long life in the land which God gives you.” Well, it's a command to the children to honor their parents; but it's also a need of the parents to be honored in their later years by their children. When our children go through a crisis, whether it's self-inflicted or whether they are a victim of some other person, there is a sense in which their shame becomes our shame.  Bob: Yes. 4:00 Dennis: And if we, as parents, do not have a healthy perspective of grace—that we're all sinners / that all have failed and that we all are in need of Jesus Christ to have a right standing with God—then they're going to find it very difficult to relate to their adult children. Bob: Right.  Barbara, you've heard of those young ladies, in particular, who—in the first few years of marriage, have marital issues come up—and they run back home to Mom and Dad and say: "Oh, he's doing this. He's doing that," and they're crying and all of that. I've heard every response from parents—from taking them back in and comforting them / to leaving the door locked and saying, "You go home and work this out on your own." And you never are sure: “Which is the right decision?” because you don't know all the circumstances that are going on back home. How does an adult parent make a decision in a moment like that? 5:00 Barbara: Well, I think you have to have a basic framework to operate from; that is that you are assuming some things about the health of the marriage. Basically, what our approach would be is—their first responsibility is to their spouse. And so, when our daughters have talked to me about issues, I'm always pointing them back to their husband.  I even wrote one of my letters—we talked on another broadcast about some letters that I've written—and one of the letters that I wrote was about being careful about how much you say about what's really going on in your marriage; because it is private—it's between you and your husband. You have to be so wise and cautious about what you say and to whom you say it, because you are going to color someone else's thinking about your spouse.  It's so important that you coach your kids—your married kids—on what to say and what not to say and that you are careful about—it's just sacred ground—  6:00 —you have to be careful about where you tread, and coach them on how much to say and not to say. Dennis: And find some mentors that you can say these things to and perhaps get some encouragement, some help, some training, and some godly counsel.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: Psalm 1 talks about “Blessed is he who walks in the counsel of the godly.” For each of our adult children, whether they be single or married, for that matter, you want them to have people in their lives who are supplying them with the right type of advice; because there are a lot of people today who would advise a young married, who has run into trouble in their marriage: "Well, just get a divorce.  Bob: Yes. Dennis: “You can toss in the towel. You don't have to put up with that!” Well, that's not the kind of advice we want our children to have. Barbara: We've encouraged all of our children to find mentors, who are godly and who will give them godly advice, so that their only source of encouragement and someone to go to isn't us. We don't want to be the only people that they go to.  7:00 We don't want to be the only ones who hear what's going on and that they call when they've got something going on. We want them to have other people to build into their lives besides us. Bob: We've talked already this week about how you may see your children headed into a decision that you think, "Boy, that's a mistake," but you bite your tongue, as a parent.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: You let them make some of those mistakes. Yet, some of those mistakes you may see them headed into may be really big life-altering kinds of mistakes. They haven't come to you for advice, but you're concerned that they're headed in a bad direction. When do you step in? What kind of a decision does it need to be before you would say, "They haven't asked, but I've got to say something"? Dennis: Well, to begin with, Bob, so much of my answer would depend upon the child—my relationship with the child, the type of influence I've had with the child, the type of influence the child has given me in his or her life, as an adult.  8:00 If the child is pushing me out, and has made a number of decisions and now is about to hit the wall for the tenth time, maybe the best thing is for them is to hit the wall the tenth time. Barbara: Yes.Dennis: I think one of the more difficult things in being the parents of adult children is sitting back and watching your children make choices, where you might know that it is foolish, or that it is going to cost them, or that they really have gotten bad advice; but they've got to—they've got to experience that. Just yesterday, I received an email from a friend that told the story of, really, a decade-long battle with a mother and a father and their daughter. They didn't get along— 9:00 —if they took one position, the daughter took another. It didn't last just through the teenage years—it moved on into the adult years. There was alcohol; there were drugs; there was sleeping around with multiple partners. Some of this was in front of them / some of it was behind their back; but for this particular dad, it was really interesting. This dad decided, on a trip to go see his daughter, that he would apologize—that he would humble himself before his daughter and share with her that he was sorry for getting angry with her, even though her behavior was wrong, and to ask for her forgiveness. And the story is a God story—is a God-sized story—because this man did that. His daughter did forgive him—didn't show a lot of emotion. Their visit with her was rather short on that trip; but they said, “Goodbye.”  10:00 Some six weeks later, the mother and the father are alone in their home. They're just sitting there, and the dad is doing some email. All of a sudden, an email comes up from his daughter—it's a two-word email—it simply says, "I believe." His daughter, through some very interesting circumstances that only God could have orchestrated, had finally begun to deal with her pride. Actually, her father dealing with his pride and his arrogance, as he had been angry with her, ended up being the beginning point / the genesis of her beginning to deal with her pride. She came to faith in Christ.  Three days after receiving the email, the father finally was able to talk to her. She said, "Daddy, would you baptize me?"   11:00 She had come to faith in Christ—she had turned from her way of life, and had left a bunch of bad habits, and had turned to Christ. But it took her father first humbling himself before her before she could hear the voice of God. I think, for a parent, who is watching their adult child go through a crisis—and I'm not talking about a brief crisis—I'm talking about month after month that turns into year after year—it's very easy to become embittered / it's very easy to get angry, where we're just reflecting those emotions to that child and reflecting rejection. What that child does need is—that child does need a combination of love and truth held in proper tension.  12:00 They need to know the truth about themselves / about life, but they also need to know that their parents are there for them—that their parents still love them. Bob: You know, I remember talking to parents, who have an adult child who was married. She was married to a husband who had begun to abuse alcohol and drugs. Their marriage relationship was rocked by that kind of repeated behavior. In fact, there were points at which she felt physically threatened by her husband. The parents, on the one hand, wanted not to step in and become a rescuer; and yet, they were concerned for the physical safety of their daughter.  If you were talking to parents in a similar situation, would you coach them to engage at that point to provide physical protection? Or should they say to a daughter: “You know what? You need to call the police / get your local church involved; but we're not going to be the party that comes in to protect you”? 13:00 Barbara: Well, I think I would counsel her to get her church involved and to get others involved. I would pray for her, and I would support her, and love her, and provide what we could; but I think, for the health of her marriage, she doesn't need mommy and daddy coming to rescue, because it would be so easy for that husband to feel like he was being ganged up on by the family. If they would just preserve their ability to have a healthy relationship with him if he did feel like they were on his wife's team against him.I think there would be some real wisdom in her getting advice from her church and her pastor—and even calling the police, if necessary—so that there is an objective third party that's intervening, and it's not putting a wedge in the family. Dennis: Romans, Chapter 13, talks about how God has placed authority in our lives to allow us to live peaceably with one another.  14:00 I wouldn't hesitate to tell my daughter to call the police. I also would not hesitate to encourage her to have a game plan if her husband became violent in the future—know whom to call; know what shelter to go to; to know what the steps were going to be in order to bring reconciliation to that marriage.  I think, as parents, what we have to be careful of doing is—we have to be careful of rushing in and rescuing our children inappropriately. Barbara: I agree. Dennis: Now, you can't have a one-size-fits-all in a situation like this— Bob: Right. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —because there are life-and-death situations that occur daily across America—they're on our news nightly—but I do think parents need to encourage their daughters and their sons to be responsible for their own actions.  15:00 If they do need help in a life-threatening situation, to have maybe a couple of people they can call outside of you, as parents; but then to be able to call you as well. You don't always know what God is up to in the lives of our children. I think, Bob, sometimes—now, I can't say this 100 percent of the time, but sometimes—I think we, as parents, get in the way of what God wants to teach our children— Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —by rushing in too quickly to mask the pain—rescue them away from hurt/difficulty. Boy, those are tough calls! Barbara: And I think because we love our children so much—and we want to protect them and help them—it keeps us from being able to be objective. That's why I think parents can help connect our kids to those who can provide help. We can be a part of the process in that way—connecting them with a counselor, or a mentor, or those kinds of other people— 16:00 —who can provide skilled/trained help that either we might not have or that they can provide in a way that's objective—because I think our emotions cloud it. We can't think straight, and we need someone else, besides just Mom and Dad, who can come in and provide the right kind of skilled help. Dennis: I want to go back to what the parents need again; because in the midst of a crisis with an adult child, that crisis—depending upon the scope of that crisis—can redefine your world. It can consume your waking hours. It's at those moments, where a husband and a wife have to pull together and provide some boundaries for one another. It may be, for a certain period of time—that a child calling his or her mom may be off-limits—that may be a boundary you have to build around your wife simply because of the hardwiring of a mother.  Bob: Yes. 17:00 Dennis: A mother may need to be protected, by her husband, from an adult child who is in habitual crisis. Bob: I'm thinking, as a daddy of a daughter, it can cut both ways too.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: I could see where my daughter could call me, and play on my emotions and my soft side, and so you've got to be careful. That's where wisdom, as a couple, can come to bear and know, “We've got to stand together on this.” Dennis: You really do need to work together, as a couple, and talk about this; because a crisis with an adult child—now, I know what I'm about to say here is pretty controversial—but it can threaten the marriage of the parents, because what can happen is—the husband and the wife / the parents can begin to turn against one another as they process grief, shame, dishonor, discouragement. Maybe they have different approaches to solving the problem with the adult child, and they're not off the same page— 18:00 —one wants to rescue and the other wants to let them hit the wall. I mean, the combinations are endless here.  But what has to happen here is—a pair of parents, I believe, have to go to their knees before God; and I think they have to cry out to God, "Lord God, You promised in James, Chapter 1, verses 2-8, that when we encounter various trials, to count it all joy; and then come to You and ask in faith for wisdom,”—and then to wait for wisdom—don't rush, headlong, into a solution. Wait for God to bring wisdom. And it may be, for the adult parents, one of the most important things you can do is to gather around yourself a couple of other godly counselors to help you know what you should say and what you shouldn't say—to know how much of a solution you should be a part of and how to keep your distance. Bob: Yes. Dennis: You know, there are just a couple more words of counsel I'd like to give parents who have an adult child who is in a crisis:  19:00 “Watch your words. Be careful what you say—‘My way or the highway!'” Those words can cut deep, and they can hurt for a long time. Be careful how much of your anger you share with your adult child of what you're feeling. There is a way we can be angry and not sin. I think there is a way to express it to a child, in the midst of this, where, perhaps, it will take your anger for them to hear it. There's where the gospel comes in, Bob. God is a God of redemption, and we should remember the story of the prodigal son and his father. The father never stopped looking for the son, and he prayed for him. Even though that young lad was down with the pigs and had squandered away his inheritance, the father's love fueled his soul to keep on looking out for him.  20:00 It's the love of a parent—how can you say it?—that's the assignment we have as we relate to our adult children—to represent His unconditional love—but, with tongue in cheek, I would say, not necessarily unconditional or unlimited finances. Bob: Yes; part of our job is to help our children learn to trust God and His provision for their lives. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills; we don't. It's not good for them to always keep coming to you for some of your cattle. You need to be pointing them to God and His provision. In fact, we've talked many times—we've been amazed at children, who've inherited a whole lot of money from their parents, and it's ruined them. Dennis: Yes. Bob: So we have to be wise, as moms and dads, in this whole process. I think you helped us, this week, think through some of the tough issues we face as we let our children go. I hope our listeners have had a chance to be with us for the whole series.  21:00 If not, it is available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is one of those series for you to download, which you can do, free of charge. You can print out the transcripts if you'd like, and read over the transcripts. Maybe you get together with a small group, and go through this material, and just talk about how you handle this with your adult children. Go to FamilyLife.com if you want to stream these programs or download them. If you need our mobile app so that you can listen to these programs on your mobile device, we've got information on how you can get the FamilyLife app when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. And let me just say a word, here, about the folks who make all of these resources possible, and who have helped us in recent years reach more and more people all around the world with practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families—it's those of you who partner with us, as Legacy Partners, monthly donors to this ministry, or those of you who occasionally make a one-time donation in support of this ministry. 22:00 You provide us with the fuel that makes this program go farther. You help us reach more and more people with God's design for marriage and family so that we can help provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families all around the world. We're grateful for our Legacy Partners—for all of you who support this ministry.  If you can make a donation today and help us expand the reach of this ministry, we'd love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a set of Resurrection Eggs®. This is a tool you can use before Easter with your children or grandchildren to help them learn and understand the Easter story. It's our thank-you gift to you when you make a donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to support the ministry. Or you can mail your donation to us, if you'd like, at FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; the zip code is 72223. 23:00 Now, this is a big week for us, here at FamilyLife. We've got six Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways happening this weekend: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina; Nashville, Tennessee; Rochester, New York; and then there are three getaways happening in the central part of the United States. In fact, we've got a road team that is going to be on-hand this weekend at all three of these events. They are tonight in Cleveland, Ohio; tomorrow in Chicago, Illinois; and then Sunday, they're going to be in Nashville. They are there to hear from listeners about their experience of a Weekend to Remember, and to give you—if you've never been—a glimpse at what one of these events looks like so that you can decide whether or not you'd like to come join us for a weekend getaway. You can follow us on Facebook®. There will be Facebook Live updates being posted / videos being posted— 24:00 —all kinds of pictures with a lot of fun stuff going on this weekend. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you need a link to the FamilyLife Facebook page. Just follow the fun this weekend—three states / three events—one team on the road capturing it all. I hope you're able to follow along with us, online. And I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this Sunday. I hope you have a great weekend, and then join us back on Monday. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com   

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesYour Home is an Embassy (Part 1) - On Mission, Your Assignment as a CoupleYour Home is an Embassy (Part 2) - World Avoiders or World Changers?Your Home is an Embassy (Part 3) - My Home, God's EmbassyYour Home is an Embassy (Part 4) - A Christian's MissionYour Home is an Embassy (Part 5) - A Home For HospitalityFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. On Mission: Your Assignment as a Couple Guest:                         Dennis Rainey                      From the series:       Your Home Is an Embassy (Day 1 of 5)Air date:                     August 22, 2016  Bob: Dennis Rainey believes that marriage is about a lot more than just happily ever after. He believes it's about two people being on a mission together.  Dennis: Jesus Christ didn't just come to give you a happy marriage and a family that takes perfect Christmas card photos. He came to use your marriage as a living message of Christ's relationship with the church—a profound mystery / a model of covenant-keeping love even during hard times—and to use your family as a training center for the next generation of Great Commission warriors and soldiers.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, August 22nd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Do you know what your mission is, as a married couple; and are you on mission together?  1:00 We'll explore that today. Stay with us.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. Do you ever get tired of challenging couples to be about the Great Commission—to be on mission together as a couple?   Dennis: Never.  Bob: You don't think: “I'm starting to sound like a broken record. I've said this so often”?    Dennis: Well, I do feel like that sometimes. [Laughter]  I wonder if our listeners get tired of me challenge them to get in the game and be a part of what God's up to on the planet. It's the greatest adventure of a lifetime, Bob—is to join God in what He's doing here on the earth. I mean, it's been our privilege—Barbara and me for the last, almost 44 years now / and here on FamilyLife Today, coming up on 24 years.  Bob: That's right. And today, we're going to hear that charge afresh. In fact, you spoke recently to an audience of couples, urging them to be in the game and to understand the good works that God has prepared for us to be involved with before we were even created.  2:00 Dennis: That's right. And before we get to that message, I just want to say a hearty “Thanks!”—and I mean this—I just want to say, “Thanks,” to you who are Legacy Partners and donors to FamilyLife Today. I just want you to know you keep us on the air, here on FamilyLife Today, ministering to millions, not only here in America, but globally in more than three dozen countries and who knows how many millions of people around the world. I just want to say, “Thank you for standing with us.”   If you haven't given or if you gave some time ago and haven't given recently, I'd just like to challenge you to join us on our mission of deploying God's people to do God's work in marriages and families and, also, in their communities. I'd like to invite you to give a gift, financially, to FamilyLife Today and help keep us on the air.  3:00 We're short in terms of the number of donors that we've had join us over the last seven months. This month of August, I've been coming to our listeners, occasionally—not complaining / not whining—but just saying, “Hey, if you believe in what we're doing / you believe that marriages and families are in trouble and need biblical help and hope that we provide, here on FamilyLife Today, then, would you keep us going strong and help us expand?”  I need your help. And I need your help now.  Bob: It's easy to make a donation. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and do it online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone. Again, we do appreciate those of you who stand with us in this ministry. If it's been awhile since you've made a donation—or maybe, you've never supported this ministry—would you consider doing that today?  Go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”   Alright, let's hear the message that you shared recently as you were challenging couples to be a part of the work that God has called each one of us to in strengthening marriages and families.  4:00 Here's Dennis Rainey.  [Recorded Message]   Dennis: You know, you have no idea what God is up to in your marriage and where you may find yourself six hours from now / six weeks from now; but God wants you to know who you are, according to this Book, and what you're all about as you leave here. There are a lot of believers today that suffer from spiritually amnesia. Their souls have been erased by the enemy, and they have been tricked to believe that they are someone that they're really not.  Do you know who you are, spiritually speaking?  Do you know why you are here?  What's your purpose as a couple?  Every couple here needs to have some sense of a purpose that you're about, according to God's design.  5:00 Who are you?   If you were born again by faith in Jesus Christ / His finished work on the cross, at the moment you placed your faith in Christ, more than 30 things happened to you that changed your spiritual identity, as a man / as a woman. One of three things that occurred—that I'll just list real quickly—is that you became / you were adopted as a child of God. John, Chapter 1, verse 12 and 13 say this—it says, “But to all who did receive Him,”—speaking of Christ—“who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born not of blood nor the will of flesh nor of the will of man, but born of God.”  You were adopted into God's family. You're His child. That makes Him your Father.  6:00 I speak at a number of orphan care, foster care, and adoption conferences around the country. I always speak about the whole concept of adoption and love to ask the audience, when I speak, “How many of you have been adopted?”  In an audience like this, there will always be 10/15 hands go up when I say, “How many were adopted?” Then, I turn to Ephesians, Chapter 1, verse 5, where it says, “He predestined us into His family through adoption.”  So, how many people here have been adopted?—all who have believed / all who have believed.  Secondly, when we were adopted, we were given a new citizenship. We are citizens of heaven. We have a new homeland—this is not our home / we are pilgrims passing through. That passage is found in Philippians, Chapter 3, verse 20. I love this—it says:  7:00 “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ”—then, there is a promise in verse 21—“who will transform our lowly body to be like His glorious body by the power that enables Him even to subject all things to Himself.”   So, He's adopted us into His family. He's given us a new citizenship; and if a citizen, then, the third thing that changes when we place our faith in Christ is—He has called us to be ambassadors. Second Corinthians, Chapter 5, verse 20—and I love this passage too—in fact, we're going to spend a little time unpacking it; but verse 20 says, “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ.”  He has called us to be an officer—a man and a woman—on appointment from God.  I just want you to look at this.  8:00 I want you to see how He has saved us, how He has sent us, how He has given us a mission, and how He has given us a message. We are not just a part of the 6.1 or 2 billion human herd. We have been selected by God to be special emissaries on behalf of God. Look at this passage: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God who, through Christ, reconciled us to Himself”—and look at this next phrase—“and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”   Now, I want to stop there. Does America need a ministry and a message of reconciliation today?   Audience: Yes.  Dennis: Absolutely!  Where should that come from?  9:00 It ought to come from us—people of faith, talking about being reconciled with God—but also—reconciling spouses with each other / family members with each other. Some of you are in some pretty hopeless situations—you're losing hope in a family relationship. God delights in showing up and bringing peace where there is now war. Then, interpersonally—between people in communities—we need this ministry of reconciliation.  “All this is from God,”—it says—“who through Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ”—and look at God's heart showing up here—it says, “God making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, ‘Be reconciled to God.'  10:00 “For our sake, He made Him to be sin who knew no sin so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”   You and I are not just ambassadors of any king. We are ambassadors of the King of kings and the Lord of lords, who stepped out of eternity to take upon Himself flesh, and to take our place on a cross to defeat death, rise again from the grave to offer eternal life to all who call upon Him in faith. You are not just any ambassador—but an ambassador of the King of kings. You want to do something interesting?—Google, “king.”  Just look at all the kings that have ever existed in all of human kind throughout all of history. There are thousands of kings. The King who has appointed you is the King of all kings.  11:00 Well, I want to make three comments about ambassadors, as you all head back home, that I want you to take with you. Number one, an ambassador knows whom he serves. We are ambassadors for Christ. A.W. Tozer said this—he said: “The most important thing about you is what you think about God.”  If you're going to be all that God called you to be—in terms of your identity, spiritually—you have to know: “Who is the One who gave birth to you spiritually? Who is the One you were made in His image? Who is this God?  Who is He?”   Well, you know what?  It's Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ did not come to take sides—He didn't come to be a Democrat / a Republican.  12:00 Jesus Christ came to take over. He didn't come to be a spare tire—to be used in an emergency. Jesus Christ came to be the owner, the driver, and the mechanic of your life. He didn't come to get your attention and focus for a couple hours a week on Sunday. He came to be the supreme center of your attention and existence.  Jesus Christ didn't come to receive the leftovers of your life. He came to be lavishly loved by us / to be received, whole heartedly, by us with affection. He didn't just come to be your Savior and mine—to save us from God's wrath, judgment, and hell—Jesus Christ came to be your Life-giver, Redeemer, Lord, Master so that you and I can taste heaven now.  13:00 He didn't come to just be our buddy, our pal, a confidante. He came to be the One who is to be feared, revered, worshiped, and obeyed.  He didn't just come to satisfy all your needs and wants so that you and I can be comfortable. He came to enlist you. He came to enlist you in His army, to endure hardship and pain, and to do the dangerous work of doing battle / spiritual battle for the lives of people who are going to last for eternity. He didn't come to give you the good life, but He came to live in you—to live His life through you and, ultimately, infect their lives with His life—to love others, and impact their lives, and secure victories which will be celebrated for all of eternity.  14:00 And because all of us here / nearly all of us are married, Jesus Christ didn't just come to give you a happy marriage and a family that takes perfect Christmas card photos. He came to use your marriage as a living message of Christ's relationship with the church—a profound mystery / a model of covenant-keeping love even during hard times—and to use your family as a training center for the next generation of Great Commission warriors and soldiers.  Finally, He will not come back as a lamb; but He will come back again soon—He promised. He will come back this time as the Conquering King—the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the Sovereign Lord God Almighty—who defeated sin, defeated death, and our enemy. As a result, is seated at the right hand of God the Father.  15:00 He is your Redeemer / your Advocate—He is Christ, the Lord.  Listen to me—this is who appointed you to be His ambassador. Do you know the One you serve?  Are you getting to know Him better?   Second point I want to make about an ambassador is—he knows and executes his mission. He knows why he's here / why she's here. Second Corinthians 5:18-19: “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.”   You have an assignment—you are to be a part of the Great Commission. One of the things you don't want to have happen is to arrive at the throne room of God, upon your death, and be standing before God and for Him to say, “You didn't participate at all in the greatest commission I ever gave a human being— 16:00 —“the Great Commission.”  An ambassador is about the King's business.  I love what Paul said to Timothy in 2 Timothy 4:5—he said, “As for you [Timothy] always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist”—and then, he says three words—“fulfill your ministry.”  That assumes that Timothy knew what his ministry was. Of course, he did. Could Paul say to you today, “Fulfill your ministry”?  Do you know what it is as a couple?—as an individual?  What is your ministry?  What is your mission?  What has God uniquely placed you here for?   All of us need to be a part— 17:00 —there is no greater adventure in life!  I can tell you—I've been experiencing this, along with Barbara now, for 43 years. We have not done it perfectly. We have veered off course. God continues to bring us back on, but I can't imagine / I cannot imagine life just being lived on the horizontal.  One of the great privileges that I've had this week is hearing from many of you, who aren't living life just on the horizontal at all. You're living life, being sent by God, for a mission—people we've never heard of / people who just did what God called them to do faithfully every day.  Rod and Rose got invited to come on the Love Like You Mean It® cruise in 2012 by Rod's parents. Rod and Rose are in a blended family. They have three sons / three daughters—15 grandkids. They knew nothing about FamilyLife, but Rod's mom convinced them to come on the cruise.  18:00 So, they came on the cruise. Rod's mom and dad were coming on the cruise because—get this—they were celebrating 65 years of marriage. [Applause] So, they are there—father and mother and son and daughter-in-law—and they are experiencing this. Well, at the Love Like You Mean It cruise in 2012, Rod and Rose got a vision for how God could use them. They went back to Albuquerque and became the directors of the Weekend to Remember® there. We needed leadership in the conference back in Albuquerque. Since then, they've hosted 19 Art of Marriage® events / two of them in Spanish—two Smart Stepfamily events. On their way in here, Rod said he called his mom—his mom's name is Ruth. Ruth said to him: “You know, next year, your dad and I are going to be celebrating our 70th. [Laughter/Applause]  19:00 “Sign us up for the Love Like You Mean It cruise.”  I absolutely—absolutely love it!  They're on mission.  And many of you are on mission. I've got to tell you—I absolutely love to hear stories of how God is using you. That is the real work of spiritual viral multiplication in our nation. Your kids need to see it / our kids need to see it. This is the way this truth is going to be passed on to the next generation.  [Studio]   Bob: Well, again, we've been listening today from a message from Dennis Rainey challenging couples to be about the most important work any of us can be about—God's work in our lives / in our community.  You were talking about Rod Smith. I had a chance to be on radio with him recently. Our program has just gone on KNKT in Albuquerque. He was at the station, and I did a radio interview with him.  Dennis: That's cool.  Bob: And he's still going.  20:00 He's just done some new Art of Marriage events in the Albuquerque area, and they are excited about the Weekend to Remember coming to Albuquerque next spring.  Dennis: I'm telling you folks—this is absolutely an opportunistic time for us to engage in the culture. This is not a time to cower in our caves, afraid of the giant that taunts Christians in the land. We need to be about what God's about—which is redeeming, and healing, and lifting people out of their mess, and giving them a purpose.  So, the question is really twofold— Number one: “Do you know whose you are?  Do you know whom your Master is, who has commissioned you to be an ambassador?”  If you do: “Are you, now, on His mission?  What is that mission?  What are you giving your life to? What are you training your children to do?”—because there is going to be plenty of work for them to do as you and I pass off the scene. Be a part of what God is up to in this generation.  21:00 The time is now for Christians to let their light shine in such a way that men will glorify God in heaven.  Bob: You and Barbara have been doing a lot of thinking in recent days about this metaphor of being ambassadors for Christ and how our homes can be embassies. In fact, if you go to our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, you can download a set of four family nights—four guided conversations you can have together, as a family, talking with your children about how to make your home an embassy for Christ. These are short / they are practical. It fits easily into dinner table talk or a car ride home from school.  Download the e-booklet when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com—it's free. And while you're there, look at the resources that Barbara has designed—the “Embassy of the King” plaque and the banner / the canvas—there is a devotional booklet.  22:00 All of these resources are available. You can order them from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”   And if you have thoughts about this—about how you are trying to do this in your home—get in touch with us. We'd love to hear from you about what you're doing to be an ambassador, and to raise your children to be ambassadors, and to make your home an embassy.  I think one of the ways we do this is by celebrating / making a big deal out of anniversaries. We want to say, “Happy anniversary!” today to Rhonda and Brad Dodds, who live in Marengo, Illinois, who are celebrating their 29th anniversary today. “Congratulations!” to the Dodds on 29 years together.  We think anniversaries are important—we think they are a big deal. In fact, our purpose, here on FamilyLife Today, is to help you have more anniversaries—more and better anniversaries—year in and year out. We want to provide you with the kind of practical biblical help and hope you need for your marriage and for your family.  23:00 And we want to thank those of you who help support the ministry. Dennis mentioned this earlier—we appreciate your partnership with us. If you're a regular FamilyLife Today listener and if you have not, in 2016, made a donation to help support the ministry, would you consider doing that today?  We have seen a decline this year in the number of people supporting FamilyLife Today. So, we'd just like to ask you if you'd pitch in and help make this program possible for you and for other listeners in your community. It's easy to do. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Donate online or call 1-800-FL-TODAY—donate over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.  Keep in mind—if your donation, this month, is $100 or more, please request the three Bible studies we've put together from our Art of Marriage Connect Series.  24:00 These are Bible studies on marriage; and they are designed for small group use, or you can use them as husband wife. They are our gift to you as a way of saying, “Thanks for your generous support.”   And we hope you can join us back tomorrow. We are going to hear more from Dennis Rainey about what it looks like for your home to be an embassy and for you to be an ambassador. We'll explore that tomorrow. Hope you can be here with us.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesYour Home is an Embassy (Part 1) - On Mission, Your Assignment as a CoupleYour Home is an Embassy (Part 2) - World Avoiders or World Changers?Your Home is an Embassy (Part 3) - My Home, God's EmbassyYour Home is an Embassy (Part 4) - A Christian's MissionYour Home is an Embassy (Part 5) - A Home For HospitalityFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. World Avoiders or World Changers? Guest:                        Dennis Rainey                      From the series:       Your Home Is an Embassy (Day 2 of 5)Air date:                     August 23, 2016______________________________________________________________________________ Bob: As a parent, should you be teaching your children to be world avoiders or world changers? Here's Dennis Rainey. Dennis: What if you could give them the concept of being on the offensive as they go to school / as they go to college? Instead of losing their faith—as they graduate from high school and never darkening the doors of a church—instead they're on the offensive, not even thinking of losing their faith because they have a reason for why they believe. They've been trained by you helping open the Book and address some of the issues that we're facing today that are thorny—thorny—issues. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, August 23rd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Are you winsomely engaging the culture around you, being salt and light in this world, and are you training your kids to do the same? We'll explore that today. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You're aware of the fact that some people / some married couples aren't fully engaged around God's assignment for them because they're not sure what God's agenda is or what their part to play in it is. Dennis: I think a lot of couples, Bob, never get around to asking the question: “Why are we here? What's our mission as a couple?” They may say, “You know, I've never been to seminary / I've not been trained by some of the great Bible teachers / Bible schools in America—so what do I have to say?” The answer is: “If you are a follower of Jesus Christ and you're in the process of being discipled, you have stuff you can share with others at some level and impact them.” It may be a youth group.  You may start kind of like I did—  2:00  —I picked a group that I was well ahead of. I taught a sixth-grade Sunday school class. [Laughter] I taught it for 11 years, not realizing that they were educating me and preparing me, as a parent, to know how to direct our children as they moved into adolescence. You have no way of knowing how God wants to use you, long-haul, with the gifts and abilities He's given to you. Bob: You recently spoke to a whole group of couples. We had spent time with them, over the course of a week, encouraging them to strengthen their own marriage relationship / to forgive one another where there'd been offenses—really trying to build into what their marriage can and ought to be. You decided, after all of that pouring into them, it was time to light a fuse and let them loose; right? 3:00 Dennis: Jesus Christ did not go to the cross to turn families into holy huddles / into little Christian groups that sing Kumbaya around a fire. He put us here to build some fires, and to make a difference, and to do good in the culture. I don't know what that is for you, but you need to be grappling with it—both as a man or a woman—but certainly as a couple as well.  I just want to say one thing, Bob, to a group of people that make this broadcast possible every day, here on FamilyLife Today—Legacy Partners who give / donors who give—thank you for standing with us. We're short in terms of the number of donors we need to keep FamilyLife Today coming on strong on this station and hundreds of other stations, here in America, and hundreds of others around the world. If you believe in marriage and family—and I suppose you do because you're listening to this broadcast—and you believe that FamilyLife Today is providing help / biblical help and hope / biblical hope to people, then would you consider joining us?  4:00 Just pray, “Lord, would You want us, as a couple—or me, as a single person—to help this ministry stand strong in a culture of confusion?” I need your help right now. The last seven months have been slower than we anticipated, and we need to pick up some steam here as we finish the month of August and head into the new school year. Bob: You can make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone. Again, we appreciate those of you who have been standing with us this year. If you've never made a donation to FamilyLife Today, we'd love to hear from you. FamilyLifeToday.com is the website where you can make an online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Alright; here's Part Two of Dennis Rainey's challenge to married couples to be a part of God's agenda for planet earth. [Recorded Message] Dennis: So, what if you're a little unclear about your mission?  5:00 Well, I have some tips for you. Just really quick, kind of in Gatling gun fashion, let me just give you some thoughts—that if you don't know what your mission is—perhaps this might be of help. First of all, really capturing your mission begins with surrender. You've heard every one of us, as speakers, speak about surrendering to Jesus Christ. It's coming before the King and going: “You know what? I'm Yours. Tell me what You want me to do. Tell me where you want me to go. I will obey.” Second thing, read what's on the King's heart—read the Book [the Bible]! This is God's heart between two covers. This tells us what's important here—this tells us what is valuable / what's eternal. Then Ephesians 2:10—know this—that He created you for good works: Ephesians 2 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”  6:00 When it says, “We are His workmanship,” it means we are His work of art. God has designed a unique package—in you, as a man / you, as a woman, and together, as a couple—that He wants to use on this planet. He has a plan for you. “Know that God is already at work within you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” I love that passage [Philippians 2:13] because it says, “God is at work within you”—both—“to will”— that's to create the desire—“and to work”—that's to create the opportunity. You want to know how to determine what God's will is? Think about what you're passionate about. Think about what causes you to pound the table and say, “Somebody has to do something about this!” And then, what are the opportunities to invest your life? There are plenty of assignments out there waiting. Ask Him to show you your unique assignment. Pray: “What does the King want you to do today?”  7:00 I knew a woman before she died—three days before she died / close to the age of 90—who was asking those who were caring for her, “What do you think God wants me to do today?” That was the way she lived her entire adult life. Next point—walk by faith. It's impossible to please God without faith. I don't care where you are / what season of life you are in—and you're going to go through some changing seasons that are going to demand you to apply fresh faith to circumstances you may not understand—but I have to tell you—and I'm living by faith just like you—step out and trust Him. Take the steps / be obedient. You don't know what's in it—walk by faith. It's impossible to please God without faith. And then—guys—put a star by this one; would you? Men, as the seasons of life change, help your wife maximize her life, gifts, and vision.  8:00 Barbara and I got away for a four-day planning session. We were going to take the first two days and plan her stuff and the second two days and plan my stuff. The rest of the story is—we never got to my stuff. [Laughter] We took all four days and planned hers. The delightful thing about those days of planning is—God birthed something fantastic. My wife's a theologian / she's an artist. She believes in beautiful things / she believes in truth. And so she took some things that are beautiful and created them for homes so that homes could celebrate the major holidays and do it in a way that helps you pass on the truth to kids, going forward. That really leads us to the next point—point three—Since you are an ambassador, make your home an embassy. The thing you need to do is—you need to do three things. Make your embassy a safe place— 9:00 —a safe place for your family and for others. You knew I would say this: “Keep your covenant.” Don't use the d-word [divorce]. Replace the d-word with the c-word—commitment / covenant-keeping love—that's what builds a fence around the embassy. Kids desperately need the embassy to be surrounded by a mom and a dad who make the place safe. Make your home an embassy! Protect the inhabitants from the outside forces of evil, and kids today—they desperately need to be protected. Trust me! Then, next, train your children to be ambassadors.  10:00 What if you could give them the concept of being on the offensive, as they go to school / as they go to college? Instead of losing their faith—as they graduate from high school and never darkening the doors of a church—instead they're on the offensive, not even thinking of losing their faith because they have a reason for why they believe. They've been trained by you helping open the Book and address some of the issues that we're facing today that are thorny—thorny—issues. Finally, use your embassy as an outpost and base camp for reaching your community and your world. That's really why I gave this message. I've already heard a bunch of you, who are already doing this. I'm just hoping and praying that this will ignite a fire and cause you to start burning, thinking about how you can make an impact in some issue that has been irritating your soul for years.  11:00 So, as a couple, you're going to figure out how your marriage will outlast your kids / how your marriage will outlast your career because you will be on a divine mission so infectious / so important that you will not be able to lay it aside. I can tell you—from having been married for 43 years to Barbara—we faced a lot of challenges, just like you have. We're not done because this little dash between two dates—that will someday be carved on a tombstone—has to represent something other than just what I want to do or we find easiest to do. So what's your mission? What's your mission as a couple? Would you like to be commissioned this evening? Now, I don't have the authority to commission you an ambassador; but I know the One who does. I know where He does it in the Book. In a minute, I'll read that to you. If you'd like to be commissioned, I'm going to ask you to stand. Some of you are already commissioned / you're already in it. You just may want to re-up: “We're in. We're all in.”  12:00 But no one should feel any pressure to stand. In fact, I'd respect you more, if you didn't want to stand, for sitting there. It's kind of like, “Okay; may God meet you where you are.” I want to tell you a story before I commission those who'd like to be commissioned. In 1992, the nation of Fiji had the first ambassador it had had in 105 years come to America. There had been a military coup in 1887—where all diplomatic relations were broken and economic relationships were broken with America—by America with Fiji. But in 1992, the only ambassador that I know came to America to become the first ambassador from Fiji. He served from 1992 to 1997. One of the first things he did was get Fiji water in America.  13:00 That's how that happened—pretty cool; huh? But in 1992, Pita Nacuva turned on his radio as he was driving to work. He heard a radio show called FamilyLife Today. Can you imagine an ambassador from Fiji listening to a radio program by some guys in Arkansas? Well, he kept listening as he would drive back and forth from the embassy to his home, and back and forth. In 1996, he heard us talk about the Weekend to Remember®. He decided that he and Mary would to attend the Weekend to Remember in Washington, DC—only one problem—it was sold out. He called Little Rock to pull some political strings so he could attend, and we got him in. [Laughter] As a result of that conference, they got a vision for how they could impact families in Fiji because they were breaking down there too.  14:00 So in May of that same year, in 1996, they came to an international training conference in Little Rock and graduated, and went back a year later to Fiji, and became the leaders of Family One, which for all practical purposes is FamilyLife in Fiji. Now, nearly 20 years later, they've trained over 7,000 people—300 islands—they've impacted the South Pacific.  Pita, interestingly, over those years, continued his political career, not being fulltime in FamilyLife. He went on from ambassador to become the Minister of Health, then the Minister of Tourism, and finally he was elected to the second highest office in the Fijian government. He became the Speaker of the House of Parliament, the second in command to follow the President should he die.  15:00 In 2006, he was elected Speaker. A couple years later, there was a military coup. An armed military officer came into Pita's office, as the Speaker of the House of Parliament, and said: “Your honor, you need to get in your car and you need to leave this place. You are no longer the Speaker.” Pita said, “No. I'm not going anywhere.” They argued for a bit. Finally, the officer said, “Mr. Nacuva, you need to leave.” So Pita went—got in his car / drove back home. From that point on until now, has been fulltime as an ambassador for Jesus Christ and for families. Now, I tell that to you because God has His ways of getting you where He wants to get you. What does He want you to do? What is He up to? 16:00 Would you like to be commissioned? Would you bow your heads and close your eyes? This is not for anybody but you two as a couple. Guys, if you want to turn your marriage into an embassy and become a couple of ambassadors, just grab your wife's hand, say, “Sweetheart, let's stand up.” Some of you may need to confirm your citizenship. You may have come here, not being sure if you're a Christian / if you have a relationship with Christ. Don't miss an opportunity to settle it with God.  Let me read this over you and then pray for you. These are the words of Jesus: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  17:00 “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Heavenly Father, You know every story in this room. Nothing surprises You. You know those who are standing / their drama and those who are seated and their drama. Thank You for their honesty. May You meet them with grace, and mercy, and love where they are. And now for these who are standing, I pray, Father, that You would grant favor to them, and that You would use them, and that we would celebrate for all eternity the victories / the impact that each of these have had for Your purposes and Your glory. Thank You for the privilege of being used by You in Your global work—what an adventure / what an honor. In Christ's name we pray; Amen. 18:00 [Studio] Bob: Amen. We've been listening to Part Two of a message from Dennis Rainey today on our assignment to be ambassadors / to make our home an embassy. And I know, Dennis, there are some who listen to a charge like this and they think: “I don't think we're in good enough shape, as a couple, to be about trying to help others. I mean, we have issues in our marriage.” Dennis: [Laughter] So do we / so do you. [Laughter] I mean, here's the thing—if you wait till you're perfect to get in the game, you're going to be waiting until heaven. So you know—jump in the game, at some level. Maybe you assist someone else who has a vital ministry going, but find your niche as an individual and, hopefully, as a couple—something that will help you build into other people's lives that will outlast your career / your children—that will give you a purpose and a cause to get you out of the bed as you move out of the career someday. You're looking at having some time on your hands to make a difference in other people's lives. 19:00 Bob: Well, I think that's the other thing—there are some folks who would say: “We would love to do this, but our schedule is crazy. I mean, the kids are doing this, and every night it seems like there's something going on. I wish we could, but we just don't have time for this.” Dennis: And I would say, Bob—for some people, in the season they're in right now, they're where they're supposed to be; but even in that season, where you may not be able to have the outreach you would like to have, look around. Keep your head up. I know, when we were raising six kids, we had four teenagers at one time. We found a way to reach out to our kids' junior high and high school and start a ministry that, interestingly enough, 25 years later, is still going on—it's still happening. The needs—of individuals, of marriages, of families—are not going to go away.  20:00 Find a way to provide help / provide hope. What FamilyLife wants to do is—we want to be here. We want to be able to stand with you, when you do get ready to make an impact, and want to provide resources, tools, and a broadcast to cheer you on into the future. Bob: Yes; make sure the things that you are giving your time and effort to are the right things / are the priority things. Once you've determined that that's the case, then press forward with what God's called you to. Dennis: Not every need is the call. Bob: Right. Dennis: You can run yourself ragged in this culture; but I'd say pull back to the big picture and ask yourself the question: “What do I pound the table about? What are we passionate about? What do we find ourselves getting kind of riled up about?” Find a way to take your strengths, and your abilities, and your passion and use it winsomely, with the love of Christ, for the glory of God and for the good of people. 21:00 Bob: Well, and I think this is something that would be good for listeners to chew on and to talk about: “What does it look like to make our home an embassy?” In fact, we have, online at FamilyLifeToday.com, a series of four—I don't want to call them family nights because I don't want them to sound bigger than they are—they're really just guided discussions for the dinner table or for the car ride home / just some questions that you can talk about together, as a family, with your kids about what it means to be an ambassador / what it means to make your home an embassy.  You can download a free e-book that will give you these conversations to have together, as a family, when you go to our website, which is FamilyLifeToday.com. It's all free—go to FamilyLifeToday.com and download “The Embassy of the King” booklet. It's available online. And while you're there, check out the resources that Barbara has created to remind yourself and to declare to others that your home is, in fact, an embassy. There's an “Embassy of the King” plaque, an “Embassy of the King” banner, there's a canvas, there's a full devotional booklet that's available.  22:00 Order these resources from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; and the toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. I want to take just a minute here and say, “Ya man!” and “Happy anniversary!” to Kwame and Jennifer Selver, who live in Nassau—that's why I said, “Ya man!”—because they live in the Bahamas. Today, the Selvers are celebrating their eighth wedding anniversary. They have attended our Weekend to Remember marriage getaway. We just wanted to say, “Happy anniversary!” to the Selvers on eight years together.  We think every anniversary ought to be celebrated. We are The Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries™. Our goal at FamilyLife is for you to celebrate more and better anniversaries every year as the two of you grow closer to one another and closer to Christ in your relationships— 23:00 —that's what FamilyLife Today is all about.  We appreciate those of you who support this ministry and help make all that we do happen. Dennis mentioned earlier that this year we've had a little fall-off in the number of FamilyLife Today listeners, who have made a donation. We wanted to come to those of you, who are regular listeners, and ask you, “Would you consider, before the end of the month, helping us get caught up with where we'd like to be this year?—help us with a donation of any amount to support this ministry?” We appreciate whatever you're able to do. You can do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com; you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can mail your donation to us at FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. 24:00 By the way, if your donation is $100 or more, you're welcome to request a set of three Art of Marriage® Connect Bible studies designed for small group use; or husbands and wives can use these individually. These Bible studies on marriage are our thank-you gift in appreciation for your generous support; and we want to say, “Thank you,” again. We hope you can tune in tomorrow. Barbara Rainey's going to be here. We're going to continue our conversation about how our homes can be an outpost and how we can be ambassadors for Christ in our culture. Hope you can tune in for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.______________________________________________________________________________  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesYour Home is an Embassy (Part 1) - On Mission, Your Assignment as a CoupleYour Home is an Embassy (Part 2) - World Avoiders or World Changers?Your Home is an Embassy (Part 3) - My Home, God's EmbassyYour Home is an Embassy (Part 4) - A Christian's MissionYour Home is an Embassy (Part 5) - A Home For HospitalityFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. My Home, God's Embassy Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Your Home Is an Embassy (Day 3 of 5)Air date:                     August 24, 2016  Bob: If you are a citizen of your homeland, it's easy to forget that the Bible describes you differently. The Bible says you're a stranger and an alien. Here's Barbara Rainey.Barbara: For the most part, we've forgotten that this isn't our home. It is a little bit of a paradox to live in this land, and yet to be mindful that this isn't our home. I don't think we think about that enough. I think our roots have gone down too deep into the soil of this land, and we've forgotten that we really belong to another place, another time, and another King—that's whom we serve.Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, August 24th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. If this world is not our home / if we're just passing through, how does that affect how we ought to live? We're going to spend time thinking about that today with Barbara Rainey. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us.  Dennis: Bob, what's your favorite candy bar? [Laughter] Bob: Really? This is how you want to start? Dennis: I want to start because we were talking about this before we came on the air. You asked Barbara—  Bob: She brought what looks—it looks—can we admit it? It looks like a candy bar. Barbara: It does look like a candy bar. Bob: She brought what looks like a candy bar. Dennis: But it's a protein bar. Bob: It's a protein bar. Dennis: It's—you know, it is cardboard covered with some kind of nutrient. [Laughter] I don't know what it is. Bob: No; no! It's a candy bar with protein added. [Laughter] That's what it is. Barbara: That's probably right! Bob: That's exactly what it is. Dennis: But you asked her something I didn't know the answer to. You asked her: “What was her favorite candy bar?” I've been married to her for coming up on 44 years, and I don't know what her favorite candy bar is. I think the reason is—I don't think I've seen her eat any. [Laughter] Bob: You know, I asked, “If I were going down to the vending machine to get a candy bar, which one would you want?” You had to stop and think— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —because it's been a while. 2:00 Barbara: It's been a long time. In fact, I didn't have an answer; so you rattled off about five or six names. I went: “Oh, yes! I used to like Milky Way®.” Bob: And then Reese's® came up; and you were like: “Oh, yes! I like those.” Barbara: Yes; I could eat a Reese's. Bob: So you still will indulge occasionally. Barbara: I still have a sweet tooth. Bob: Alright. Dennis: So, yours, Bob? Bob: Mine would be the 72 percent dark chocolate made by the Izard Chocolate Company in downtown Little Rock. Barbara: Oh, my goodness! Bob: Yes! I want the pure bar. Barbara: Okay; yes. It's very good. Bob: My friend Nathaniel Izard makes them. Dennis: I didn't ask what you'd like to have intravenously. [Laughter] Bob: Mary Ann brings them home. He also has a wonderful chocolate-covered caramel that's very good. I like the gourmet. If I'm going—  Barbara: That sounds really yummy. Bob: Now, see? All of a sudden here— Barbara: Yes; that sounds really yummy. Dennis: Yes, it does. I like Toblerone, which is made in [Switzerland]. Bob: Those are very nice. Dennis: That's pretty good.  Let's just do a little straw poll with our listeners and find out what their favorite candy bar is. Go online to FamilyLifeToday.com— Bob: We've got the quiz up there. Dennis: We've got the quiz, but it would be fun to see what wins.  3:00 The reason we were doing that—we were talking about going overseas/international. Barbara talked about how she nearly starved to death on a Josh McDowell mission trip to Russia. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: You said that the food you were fed every day—a little boxed lunch—what was in it? Barbara: Well, we were on the buses, day after day, going to visit orphanages and different places. It was a wonderful, wonderful trip; but the hotel that we stayed in always packed us a little sack lunch to take on the bus. The lunch consisted of a Subway-type sandwich, a very paper-thin slice of meat that you could read through, a very thin—one very thin—tomato, and a very thin piece of lettuce. There was virtually no nutrition in it. It was really thin! [Laughter] Bob: But they gave you a candy bar! Barbara: They gave us a candy bar called the Lion Bar. It was a very good candy bar. We all ate our candy bar every day for lunch. Dennis: Well, when you're starving to death, anything will taste good! Barbara: That's how we got full. [Laughter] Bob: It does taste better. 4:00 I'm sure listeners wonder exactly what the theme of today's program is. Barbara: It's candy! [Laughter] Bob: I have to admit—when you told me you wanted to talk about diplomatic relations with Barbara in the middle of the presidential election cycle, I thought, “This should be interesting.” Dennis: Diplomatic relations with Barbara. Now, there are a lot of ways to take that. [Laughter] Bob: That's true; that's true. Dennis: You didn't even think about that! [Laughter] Bob: Let me—you wanted to talk with Barbara about the issue of diplomatic relations. How's that? Dennis: That is more accurate. We've been talking about—just as a couple—how Paul exhorts us, over in the book of 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5—he exhorts us to be ambassadors for Christ. Barbara got me off on this. It's really caused me to start thinking differently about my identity / who I am on a daily basis. It wasn't that I didn't think about this before, but she saw a video of a person in a foreign country that kind of prompted this with her.  5:00 Bob, I think our listeners are going to be encouraged by what we talk about here. Bob: What was the video you saw? Barbara: Well, I found a video, maybe five-minutes long / maybe, six-minutes long, about this individual who lived in an Eastern European country, described as a very atheistic country. This individual had a plaque on the outside of the entrance to their home—the plaque said, “Embassy of the King of Heaven.” The story goes about how this person lived in this Communist country and has lived through multiple regime changes. Yet, one constant has remained the same; that is that the country in which this person lives is not really his home. This person really belongs to the kingdom of heaven. Bob: So the home that this person lives in—we've been calling it “this person” because we've been asked not to talk about the name, or the identity, or even the gender of the person. Barbara: Correct; correct. 6:00 Bob: Although, if our listeners want to go see the video, we've got a link to it on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Barbara: That's correct. Bob: We'll call him a man. This man lives in a home that, from his perspective—that is different soil than the country—that when he walks out of his front door, he walks into a different place. Barbara: —into a foreign country because he believes that his home belongs to the kingdom of heaven. He even says on the video: “My home represents the King that I serve; and so I want my home to reflect the King. I have things on my wall / the way I conduct myself all represents my King.” The video shows him going to the market—buying things / bringing things back—so that he can entertain guests. Some of them have called for an appointment to visit with him. He considers himself an ambassador—these people have called and want to come and talk. There are others who see the sign on his front door / next to his front door and just knock.  7:00 He says the Holy Spirit brings these people. People come and want to talk about troubles in their lives; or things that they're going through; or they want to know, “Who is this King of heaven that you serve and that you belong to?” Bob: So you saw the video, and it just got you thinking differently about your own life? Barbara: Well, I saw the video; and it just was so powerful to watch this person and to hear this person, who is an elderly person, who has lived almost 80 years of life. I was just inspired by the story because I realized that's true for all of us, who are believers in Christ: “I am an ambassador.” All three of us are ambassadors. Our children are ambassadors.  That means the home that I live in / the home that we live in should be an embassy of the King. Therefore: “How can I”--especially me, as a woman—“How can I make my home—which I'm always conscious of and aware of / I'm always trying to improve our home—  8:00 —how do I make our home represent the King / the King that I belong to?”—because my home is not really the property that we live on / my home is really in heaven. We're here temporarily, and God has us here about His plan and about His purposes. So: “How can I be more connected with what He wants me to do? And how can my home be more of a representative of Him, the King?” Dennis: And I think this conversation, Bob, has never been more relevant for our country. I'm hearing a ton of fear. There are all of these culture wars that are taking place in our country right now. I think followers of Christ have to go back and go: “How do I live in the midst of this?! How am I supposed to behave? Who am I?” You know, Bob, we interviewed a pastor from Simi Valley, California, who wrote a book called Messy Grace. His name is Caleb Kaltenbach, and it's going to be aired later on in September.  9:00 He made a statement in the interview—it really hit me. I've been chewing on this all summer—he said: “Christians today have to realize we are no longer the home team. We are the visiting team.” So, if we're the visiting team, then we need to figure out: “How do you behave on a visitor's court? And how do you relate to people around these messy issues and do so in a way that's winsome / that leaves the aroma of Christ? And—this is very important for you, parents / listen up!—how do you train your kids to do this at school?— Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —“and as they go to the university?—and as they grow up to establish their own homes?”  I'm telling you—it is game time! And we're on the visitors' court. We better do this job well because I think, right now, the winds of the culture have really completely shifted. We're no longer flowing with the winds—we're going against the winds / going against the tide— 10:00 —we're on the visitors' court—however you wish to say it. We need to know who we are; that is, ambassadors for Christ. We need to know why we're here. We are here to represent Him. We need to be on mission, and we need to be training our kids to be on mission as well. That's why this conversation with Barbara is so important—to be thinking of our home as an embassy in a foreign land. Bob: Barbara, you may know the old song: “This world is not my home. I'm just a passin' through,” that people used to sing in church. It's really a picture of where we are. We are—I think it was Peter who said—“strangers and aliens”— Barbara: Yes. Dennis: Yes. Bob: —in this world. Dennis: Right. Barbara: Yes. Bob: This is not our homeland; and yet, we are citizens of the United States—we are bound by the laws / we need to be good citizens as we live in this country—but there's a higher allegiance; right? Barbara: There is a higher allegiance. I think, for the most part, we've forgotten that this isn't our home.  11:00 It is a little bit of a paradox to live in this land and yet to be mindful that this isn't our home. But it's a good reminder. I think that would be a great hymn for us to start singing in church again because I don't think we think about that enough. I think our roots have gone down too deep into the soil of this land; and we've forgotten that we really belong to another place, another time, and another King—and that's whom we serve. Dennis: Yes; and if our country is kind of unstable—and there's a lot of fear in the country, and your roots are in that soil—it is going to reveal where you truly think your homeland is. I think, again: “Are you first and foremost an American, or are you first and foremost a follower of Jesus Christ?—a child of the King and, therefore, an ambassador of the King of kings and the Lord of lords.” Bob: Let's not assume that everybody knows exactly what an embassy is. I mean, we've heard that word. I've been to Washington, DC, and been down Embassy Row— Barbara: Embassy Row; yes. Bob: —which is a series of houses / nice houses— Barbara: Yes. 12:00 Bob: —with different signs out front of those houses from different nations. Explain what an embassy is. Barbara: One of the things that you would find interesting—anybody who visits an embassy / if you went down Embassy Row—the houses are all slightly different / they're not the same. They have a sign outside that's different. Usually, there's a flag representing that country; but if you walk in the front door of that embassy, you're going to be greeted with sights, and sounds, and probably even smells from that home country.  If you went into the American Embassy in Africa—in some African nation—or the American Embassy in Beijing, it would not look like China when you walked in the door / it would not look like Uganda when you walked in the door. When you walk in the door of the American Embassy, you see framed pictures of our national heroes—George Washington and Abraham Lincoln would be on the wall. You would see the American flag. The embassies have kitchens. You would probably smell American food cooking. There would be air-conditioning / carpeting—it would feel like being home in America.  13:00 The embassy is a piece of that country on foreign soil. For instance, the soil that the American Embassy sits on—in whatever country we have an embassy—that soil literally belongs to the United States. Bob: The people on that soil are governed by US law. Barbara: Correct. Bob: If they commit a crime, it's adjudicated in US courts.  Barbara: That's correct. Bob: It's just like they're in a part of America. Barbara: Right. Bob: It just happens to be a square—half mile or whatever it is—in China. Barbara: Yes. For instance, if you're in another country—we were traveling, say, in China—and we had some kind of problem / some kind of trouble—we, because we're American citizens, would go to the American Embassy for help. The staff of the American Embassy is there to help American citizens, who are traveling, or working, or serving in that country.  14:00 They're also there to engage with local citizens, too, because there are people who come to the American Embassy to get a visa to travel to the United States. They serve lots of different purposes. Dennis: You know, one thing that you all mentioned—as you're going down Embassy Row, you see these flags. As you get closer to the embassy, there are these plaques / the signage on the front door or near the front door of the embassy that identifies the building as being an American embassy.  You've actually created a plaque that could be screwed into the wall in the front of the home, much like this person we talked about has in front of their home. Barbara: Yes; yes. Well, after watching this video, and seeing that this person had a plaque on the outside of their home, I thought: “I want a plaque on the outside of my house. I want the UPS guy, or the neighbor who comes over, or someone who just drives by to see that: “In this house, we belong to the King of heaven. We belong to another country.”  15:00 I decided I wanted one of those plaques. I didn't know where to get one; so we had one made. [Laughter] Dennis: And it's got a crown—it's got a crown. Barbara: Yes. It says, “Embassy of the King” and it has a crown on it because we belong to the King. It is metal, and it can be permanently installed on the exterior of your house if you want to do that.  Bob: Has this been permanently installed on the exterior of your house? Barbara: Not yet, because I haven't had it long enough. [Laughter] Dennis: I can promise you— Barbara: But it will be! Dennis: —as the handyman of the house, it will! I can imagine coming home—that as I come home / you come home from work—as we go in our front door, we might just reach out and touch that. You know, when you see something that's metal like this, if it's in a museum, people touch it. You can see it's kind of worn down a bit after hundreds/ thousands of people have touched it. This is not brass; this is stainless steel.  16:00 But I think just to touch it—much like a player going out of the locker room—I think it would be good for us just to maybe remind our children and us, as we leave home / as we come back home: “This is an embassy of the King, and I am an ambassador.” Barbara: And not only that—I just imagine what that would be like because, when we all leave home, as you were talking earlier, we're going into enemy territory. I think we forget—when we go out on a day-to-day basis—that we're on the business of the King. I think we are so prone to get caught up in my “to do” list, or the things I've got to check off, or all the errands I have to run, or whatever it might be that we forget that we have been called to live for the King. So, when we leave our front door every day, or get in our car to go to school, or get on the bus, or whatever, I think it's very easy to forget that “I've been called today to live for the King and for His business and not my own.” Bob: You mentioned that you had this stainless steel plaque made for your home. We should mention you had a few extra made— Barbara: Yes; a few extra. [Laughter] 17:00 Bob: —so we could offer these to listeners who might want one. In addition to the plaques, you've had banners and signage that you've printed.  Barbara: Yes, we made two other versions. We made the one that can be permanently mounted on the outside of your home; but for people—who live in apartments, or you may be in a rental house, or you don't know if you're going to be where you are for very long—you might want something that would be easier to take with you. We have a banner, and we also have a framed plaque—both of which say something about this being an embassy. Bob: And I'll just say that our listeners can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to see what you've created / what's available because they may want to put one of these on their front door, on the inside of the home, or hang the banner somewhere— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —just to serve as the reminder that you've talked about Dennis—that: “This is whom I serve. This is where I'm from. I'm here on assignment.” Dennis: I was thinking, as we were talking here, Bob—I'll ask you: “What Old Testament passage does this signage and having these banners hanging—what does this remind you of?” 18:00 Bob: Okay; so it's the last chapter of Joshua; right?—Joshua 24:15? Dennis: Well, I'm not sure there is the right answer. Bob: But that's the one you had open in your Bible; right? [Laughter] Dennis: It's not; it's not. Bob: Really?! Barbara: You saw the verse! Bob: Oh, I thought for sure you were going straight to Joshua 24:15! Dennis: No, that's not it. That's “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Bob: That's what I figured you were going for; yes. Dennis: Barbara? Barbara: No; I don't know for sure what you're thinking about. Dennis: Wife of my youth! Barbara: I know—gosh! What did I miss? Dennis: Wife of my youth! [Laughter] Bob: Deuteronomy 6—he's thinking the doorposts; right? Dennis: Oh, yes; I am! Barbara: Oh; okay!  Dennis: I was going, “Of all people to forget this!” That's one of your charter verses!  Barbara: Well, it is; I guess I was just thinking, “Where do they talk about a banner?” I was thinking, “Banner—where does it talk about a banner?” Bob: Well, it's in Song of Solomon 2, but I don't think it applies! [Laughter] Barbara: I know! That's why I was a little confused. [Laughter] Dennis: Bob's in Song of Solomon—we're never going to recover this broadcast. Deuteronomy 6: “Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.  19:00 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Then verse 8: “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes; you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” I think God, in establishing the nation of Israel, was trying to remind them—much like Tony Mitchell's [Christian Alliance for Orphans] dad: “Here's who you are. Now, don't forget: ‘I'm your God. You're My people. You're to represent Me.'” We're going to have some stuff hanging on the front of the house to signify that we're not just another family. We are a family that knows Yahweh, the King of kings / the Lord of lords. 20:00 And I think—again, just back to where we are today in our culture—I just think, in the midst of a lot of fear / in the midst of a lot of controversy, believers need to know who they are and whose they are. They need to be representing Him with excellence, and they need to be training their children to do the same. You've come up, also, with a little booklet that has got a number of devotionals to go through with your kids. Barbara: Yes; we've got four discussions, for lack of a better word, that you can do with your kids—a couple of stories to read and then some things to talk about that will help you communicate to your kids: “What does it mean to be an ambassador? What does it mean to represent Christ?” It just gives you an opportunity, as a family, to talk about: “How can we make our home be a better embassy? How can we better represent Christ?” I think they're good discussions for parents to have with their kids. Bob: Well, and the questions are available in a free e-book edition if folks are interested in having those conversations. I think they're good conversations to have. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and download the free e-booklet that's got the four discussions there for you.  21:00 And while you're on the website, check out the resources Barbara has designed so that you can remind yourself and declare to others that your home is an embassy of the King. There's the plaque / the banner—there is a canvas that's available. The discussion questions are available as a devotional booklet that you can order from us as well. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for all of the information about what's available. You can order from us online. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions or you'd like to order by phone—1-800-FL-TODAY—that's 1-800-358-6329 / 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” Now, I'm just curious how many of you listening think anniversaries are a big deal. If you listen to FamilyLife Today, you know we think anniversaries are a big deal.  22:00 This year, we've been sharing some of our listeners' special anniversaries. Today, we've got two listeners we would like to wish a “Happy anniversary!” to: Eric and Maureen Sipperley, who live in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Today is their 31st anniversary. “Congratulations!” to the Sipperleys. Jim and Kris Stanek—who live in Renton, Washington—today is their 14th wedding anniversary. They listen to FamilyLife Today on KGNW in Seattle. We just want to say to both the Sipperleys and the Staneks: “Happy anniversary! I hope you have a great celebration today!” Just know—every year is a milestone. Every year is a marker of faithfulness and covenant-keeping love. That's a big deal in this culture. Our goal, here at FamilyLife, is that more couples would celebrate more anniversaries, year after year, and that they'd be even better every year.  23:00 We want to provide the kind of practical biblical help and hope that you need, as a couple, so that your marriage and your family can be all that God intends for it to be.  All of the work that we do here is made possible because of the generosity of folks, like you, who support the ministry of FamilyLife Today. We are hoping this month to catch up. We're a little behind where we were at this time last year in terms of the number of listeners who have gotten in touch with us to make a donation. We're asking those of you, who have been listening regularly this year but who just haven't gone online or called and made a donation, “Would you consider doing that today?” You can do it online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY,”—donate over the phone. Or you can mail a donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. 24:00 By the way, if your donation is $100 or more, feel free to request the three-set Bible study for couples that we put together—our Art of Marriage Connect Studies. These are designed for small group studies or for a husband and wife to do together. These three Bible studies are our thank-you gift to you, thanking you for your generous support of this ministry. And be sure to be back with us again tomorrow. Barbara Rainey will be here again. We'll continue our conversation about how we can live as ambassadors for Christ in this culture. I hope you can be here with us for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesYour Home is an Embassy (Part 1) - On Mission, Your Assignment as a CoupleYour Home is an Embassy (Part 2) - World Avoiders or World Changers?Your Home is an Embassy (Part 3) - My Home, God's EmbassyYour Home is an Embassy (Part 4) - A Christian's MissionYour Home is an Embassy (Part 5) - A Home For HospitalityFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. A Christian's Mission Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Your Home Is an Embassy (Day 4 of 5)Air date:                     August 25, 2016  Bob: As a follower of Jesus, you have been commissioned / you've been given an assignment. You've been called to be an ambassador, and you've been sent by God. Here's Barbara Rainey.  Barbara: It's not a mistake that God has put all of us where He's put us—the neighborhood we live in / the schools we go to—all of those things—God has sovereign purposes for us. When we remember that we are ambassadors, and that we're here on mission, and that we're here for the purposes of God, then it helps us to see meaning in all of the circumstances around us and in the places where God has called us to live and relate to people.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, August 25th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. So, how would you say things are going at your embassy?  Are you living as an ambassador for Christ?  We're going to explore that subject today with Barbara Rainey. Stay with us.  1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us.  Dennis: Looks like Snickers® is doing well. [Laughter]   Bob: Well! You know, that's interesting— Dennis: That's not a dog by the way. That's not a dog's name—it's a candy bar.  Bob: If you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, because this kind of came off the cuff with Dennis this week—[Laughter]   Dennis: It was not off the cuff. We were talking about how Barbara kept herself from near starvation in Russia because she had the Lion bar.  Bob: Okay; so, here's my question: “How long did you think about putting a straw poll on our website before you actually spoke that on the air?”   Dennis: Days, Bob—days. [Laughter]   Bob: Seconds!—off-the-cuff Dennis came up with the idea of putting a straw poll on. And here's what is interesting—the other category, where people can write in their own candy bars—that's what's winning.  Dennis: It's a long list.  2:00 Bob: There are people who—they're— Barbara: There are a lot more choices today than there used to be; right?   Dennis: You gave a local— Bob: I did.  Dennis: —intravenous chocolate— Bob: It's awesome.  Dennis: —that's 70 percent— Bob: —72 / 72 percent—   Dennis: —to be exact.  Bob: —bean to bar. I'll just put in a plug for Izard Chocolate, one more time, while we're— Dennis: Oh, wow!—shamelessly.  Bob: It is awesome stuff.  Barbara: Oh good!   Bob: Yes.  Dennis: But he does go to Bob's church. So, you know—Bob's asking him to tithe off of that.  Barbara: Oh. I love local. So, we'll go local. [Laughter]   Bob: But our focus this week is not on candy as much as it is on recognizing that where you are and where you're from may be two entirely different questions. Barbara, this has kind of been the meditation of your soul for a season now.  Barbara: And it was all sparked by a video—and I don't even remember, now, who showed me this video or sent me the link to this video—but it's a YouTube video about this person who lives in a former Communist country in Eastern Europe.  3:00 This person has on the outside of his home—we've been calling him, “him” because we're not allowed to say the gender of this person because of security reasons—but this person has on the outside of his home a brass plaque that says, “Embassy of the King of Heaven.”  He goes on to tell the story of how his home is an embassy for the King, and it looks like the home of the King—he thinks of it that way. He invites people in, and serves them, and listens to them because he is a representative of the King of heaven.  When I heard that, I thought: “Oh, that's who I am. That's who we are. That's who all of us are, who belong to Christ.”  But how often do I think of my home as an embassy?  Well, until I saw that video, I really didn't think about that too much.  Bob: And when you saw that plaque, you thought, “I want to make one— Barbara: “I want one.”   Bob: —“of those plaques.”   Barbara: “I want one of those. How do I get one of those?” [Laughter]  Bob: And since you couldn't find one online at Amazon— Dennis: She created one.  Barbara: That's right.  Bob: —you decided to make your own. In fact, you— Barbara: That's right.  Bob: —you've made a stainless steel one that can be screwed into the concrete, you've made a banner, you've got a framed plaque—  4:00 —all available at FamilyLifeToday.com. And if folks want to see the video you're talking about, that's available. We've got a link for that on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com as well.  Dennis: And of course, this comes from 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5, where Paul said, “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.”  All the people listening to this broadcast, who are followers of Christ, listen up! This is our assignment / this is our mission—we are ambassadors in a land that is not our home. We've been given an assignment as ambassadors.  And these are days when there is a lot of fear taking place in our country. These days present a great opportunity for us to present the claims of Christ to offer forgiveness to any person who will cry out to Christ.  5:00 And I'll tell you, Bob—I think there is a lot of fear today, but I think there is even more guilt. I think there is a lot of guilt in our nation for people who have disobeyed God—they know they have / they know they have offended Almighty God—and they need forgiveness. That's what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about.  Bob: And you're saying, in this case—when it comes to being an ambassador for the kingdom, the borders are open / there's no wall.  Dennis: We live in a country where it's still okay to proclaim the truth about Jesus Christ. My point is: “Seize the day!  Let's go for it!  And you know what?  Train your kids to do it.”   There are two ways to send your kids into the world. First of all, you can let them go and be naïve and, probably, become a casualty of the culture and of the world; or you can give them an assignment / the biblical assignment we've all been given and send them. They're compared in Psalm 127:4—“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior so are the children of one's youth.”  6:00 There's a reason why, I think, a child was compared to an arrow. He was designed for battle / he was designed to pierce the darkness—to go out there and proclaim Christ.  These are days when kids are questioning their own identity / who they are, and they don't know—the whole gender identity issue. This is a great opportunity to help people, first and foremost, find their spiritual identity. Then, we'll help them figure out their sexual identity, if they are still confused about that.  Bob: Barbara, you were having a conversation about the idea of home being an embassy with a mutual friend of ours—somebody who used to work, here at FamilyLife— Barbara: That's right.  Bob: She and her husband are now living in Uganda. She shared a story with you.  Barbara: She did. Janel sent me—actually, she wrote it up as a blog post for the Ever Thine Home® blog. The story is of a friend of hers, who is also a missionary in the country of Uganda.  7:00 They were talking one day; and this friend said to my friend, Janel—she said: “Well, I need to tell you what happened to us a couple of weeks ago. We were driving—my teenage son and I—were driving through this city / the capital city.” She said, “One of the things that happens sometimes in the city traffic is—an official motorcade will come through. And because there aren't the same kinds of traffic laws that we're used to in the United States, they'll just show up out of nowhere. Because of the noise, you might not hear them until they're literally on your bumper. And if you don't get out of the way in time of this official convoy, then, you can be in big trouble.”   Well, that happened—her teenage son hadn't been driving that long / this official convoy came up, and he didn't move over quickly enough. The police pulled him over to the side of the road, jerked him out of the car, and arrested him. He didn't know why he was being arrested, but they hauled him off to the local police station. They made him take off all of his clothes except his jeans.  8:00 They accused him of being an international spy, and they put him in jail.  Now, here they are—here's this family—this American family, who is living in the country of Uganda. They are there, as missionaries, to serve the people / to love the people; and their teenage son has just been thrown in jail. The parents are there, and they are trying to make sense of all of this. They are trying to listen through the interpreter: “What's going on? Why are you accusing our son?  He didn't know he was breaking the law.”  All of this conversation is going on, and they weren't making any headway.  All of a sudden, the dad remembered that he had just entered into his phone a very important phone number. The phone number was the phone number for the embassy—the United States Embassy in Kampala, Uganda. He pulled out his cell phone, and he dialed that number. He got on the phone with the major who—not the official head ambassador— 9:00 —but the major who is in charge of the forces that protect the embassy in that country. The major got on the phone, and they began to talk. All of a sudden, things began to change because this family was American. Now, he was talking to the representative of our government to his home country, which is the United States. And the major was able to tell him what to say / how to answer the questions. Within an hour, their son was out of prison and they were headed home. It was all resolved.  But it was because he went to the person who could solve the problem. He went to the ambassador of the United States because he is a citizen of the United States, even though he is living in a foreign country. It's a perfect illustration for us, as believers—that we are living in a foreign country. When we have things happen, who do we go to?  We go to our Father. Where does our Father live?  He lives in heaven. What kind of authority does He have?  He has all authority. What kind of power does He have?   10:00 He has all power.  So, the analogy is very similar that we, as Christ's ambassadors, belong to Him. And when we have trouble in the world, when we run into obstacles, when we run into difficulties, we go to our King—the King of our country—and that's who intercedes for us as we're His ambassadors in this land.  Dennis: Well, while you were talking, Barbara, I was thinking of—among the last words that Jesus said to His disciples before He was carried away to heaven—He said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Go, therefore, and make disciples…”  There is our mission, and there is the King, who has, not partial authority, but all authority—to your point. Jesus Christ has all authority and He gave us the command to go. As ambassadors, we need to be on mission. If we know whose we are, and who we are, and what our assignment is— 11:00 —we need to be about proclaiming Christ to a needy nation.  Barbara: And don't forget the last part of that verse because it says, “And I will be with you wherever you go.”   Dennis: Yes.  Barbara: He doesn't just call us to go and represent Him and tell us that He has all power and authority, but He promises us that He will go with us. And that's the comfort and that's the assurance—that, as we go out in His name, He goes with us.  Dennis: And in this political season in America, I think followers of Christ need to be reminded who is with them. Jesus said here—you already quoted it: “And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age.”  He's not going to abandon us as orphans. He is going to be with us, and He is going to prepare a place for us that He says, “Where I am, you may be also.”   So, this isn't our home. Our home is with Him, where He is preparing a place for us. And by the way, it's been said: “He's been gone for over 2,000 years, and we saw what He created in six days.  12:00 “You've got to believe, ‘This is going to be a fine place He's got— Barbara: Very fine.  Dennis: —“'in building this home for over 2,000-plus years.'”   But we just need to take Him at His word and not be—I'm just thinking of a word we used to use as kids—scaredy cats. We shouldn't be running around afraid of what's taking place in our country right now. Jesus Christ has not been dethroned—God is still in charge.  Now, why is all of this happening?  Why is everything taking place in our country?  Why is there so much unrest?  It may be a lack of civil conversation, and discourse, and debate—I don't know—but I think there are lessons to be learned. There is an assignment for every follower of Christ listening to this broadcast.  Bob: One of the things that makes living, as ambassadors, a challenge is that our kingdom is an unseen kingdom. Not everybody even believes there is a kingdom or a King. I mean, it's one thing if you had said, “I'm from England, and I serve the Queen”; but when you say:  13:00 “I'm from heaven. I serve the King,” people are going to look at you like— Barbara: —I'm crazy.  Bob: —“Are you a little crazy?”  So, how do we deal with that?   Barbara: Well, I think we have to remember whom we belong to. I think, as Christians, we often do a lot of self-talk and a lot of reminding ourselves—of whose we are / who we belong to—but I also think it helps to remember what we've been called to do.  Tim Keller is a pastor that Dennis and I often listen to on podcasts. He says there are three ways you can visit a country. You can go as a tourist. You can go as an immigrant, hoping to assimilate into the culture and make that your home; or you can be an ambassador. God has called us to be an ambassador to represent Him. He doesn't want us to assimilate into this culture / He doesn't want us to just use it—He wants us to reach it. There is a big difference in going to reach the country, the place, the community, the neighborhood where He has called you to live.  I think, sometimes, we talk about God's sovereignty.  14:00 We think of it so casually, but it's not a mistake that God has put all of us where He's put us—the neighborhood we live in / the schools we go to—all of those things—God has sovereign purposes for us. When we remember that we are ambassadors, and that we are here on mission, and that we're here for the purposes of God, then, it helps us to see meaning in all of the circumstances around us and in the places where God has called us to live and relate to people.  When we were college students, Bill Bright—who was the leader of Campus Crusade®, as it was called then / the organization that we were involved in for Bible study and for getting to know other believers—he coined this phrase, “Come help change the world.”  And we heard it several times. The more we heard it, the more we began to believe that we could actually be a part of changing the world.  Well, that's such an overwhelming dream and idea—that any one person couldn't imagine changing the world— 15:00 —but together, then, it made a big difference. We began to think, as a group of college students, about the idea of changing the world. It began to soak into the fiber of who we were. We began to believe that: “Yes; we could change the world if we walked with Christ, if we believed Him, if we followed Him for all of our days—then, maybe, together we really could change the world.”  Again, that is what God has left us here to do—is to impact other people and to bring many with us into the kingdom when we go.  Dennis: And so, what happened was—a couple of college kids believed that statement. We stormed the campus, making Jesus Christ the issue at the University of Arkansas. Then, we graduated and continued on mission. Barbara went to the University of South Carolina in Columbia; and I went on to work with high school students in Dallas, Texas. Some months later, started dating; and then, got married / tied the knot.  16:00 Bob: Weeks later—got married.  Dennis: Yes. [Laughter]  Bob: Months later—started dating / weeks later—got married. [Laughter]   Dennis: It was pretty quick, but we were on mission. We were on mission together, and God can use you as a human being.  Bob: A lot of people will hear your story and think: “Being an ambassador is one of those things that is set aside for people who do what you did. You know—you guys—all in—made this your life's work. You didn't work a job other than working at FamilyLife. You raised the kids and were a part of what was going on here.”   And they would think: “I'm not really an ambassador because I work at the factory,” or “I work at the office,” or “I work at the school,” or wherever. They see life kind of segregated, but that's not how God sees it; is it?   Barbara: It, absolutely, is not how God sees it. And I think that by looking at someone else and saying, “Oh, you have to do that to be an ambassador,” is to miss the idea all together because God calls each of us to be His representative.  17:00 It means to stand for Him / it means to speak for Him. It means to show what He is like, where you live and with the people that He's given you to relate to.  It isn't so much about doing things or accomplishing great feats, but it's representing Christ because we are the temple / we are the temple of Christ. When we walk around, no matter where we go—the grocery store, the school, whatever it is—it's the living, breathing temple of God, walking around in the culture in which God has placed you to live.  Bob: In the office / at the factory— Barbara: Right.  Bob: —wherever God has you— Barbara: Grocery store, Wal-Mart®— Bob: —you're an ambassador—   Barbara: —everywhere.  Bob: —in that environment. In fact, at some level, the people who are out at the factory and in the office are, maybe, more in touch with what's going on in the world than folks, like us, who work here at headquarters; right?   Dennis: Yes.  18:00 Barbara: I agree; I agree.  Dennis: We're kind of at the Pentagon. Others are out on the frontlines, having an impact. You know, I'm glad you asked the question, Bob, because—and this is going to sound pretty strong—but that kind of thinking—that the ministry and the work of being an ambassador and making your home an embassy of the King is only for fulltime Christian workers—pastors, people who are, as you said, all in—well, we all should be all in.  We may have different assignments in terms of being a doctor, in terms of being a teacher, at the factory, working behind the scenes in some institution; but we're all called to be ambassadors. And that's what Paul said. I'm going to read it again—I read it earlier. Just a couple of passages in 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5, verse 17 says: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”  19:00 And it goes on in verse 20—a couple of verses later—it says: “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.”   And there—you really see the essence of an ambassador—he has been appointed by the King. That means you've got to surrender to the appointment / you've got to surrender to the King and say, “I receive the appointment.”  And to get the appointment of being an ambassador, you have to receive the King of kings and Lord of lords, Jesus Christ. You have to place your faith in Him and be born again.  But a second thing is—after you receive the appointment, you have to start acting like an ambassador. Then, third, you need to make your home a Christian embassy. And fourth, you need to give your children the right credentials to be able to operate in the world, and you need to give them the right identity so that they know who they are too.  20:00 I'm telling you—these are exciting days to be alive. I think the darker it gets in the culture, the brighter the light of Christ is going to shine in our nation. I look at these days—I've got to tell you—a marriage and family ministry is where it's happening. It is under attack as never before. The very foundations of “What is a marriage?” have been assaulted. It's clear in the Bible—God is the Creator / the originator. He is the One who thought marriage up in the first place, and He is the One who knows how to make it work.  And it's a great opportunity, by the way, to be an ambassador for Christ that talks to people about: “How are you doing in your marriage?  How are you doing in your family?  If you need help, I know where you can go to get help.” You can point them to the Bible; you can point them to the FamilyLife app, where they can get some more broadcasts and resources for their marriage and family.  21:00 We're here to serve people where they live, and to help them be effective ambassadors, and to help them turn their homes into embassies of the King.  Bob: The app that you mentioned is available for download from the app store for either Apple or for Android phones.  And the reminder that you've created, Barbara—that we live in an embassy / the wall hangings, the plaques, the booklet that you've created for families to use as a devotional—you can get information about all of these resources when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. In fact, the booklet is available as a free download as an e-book. You can go to the website and download the questions for free; or if you'd prefer the printed devotional book, that's available for order, along with the plaque, and the banner, and the canvas—whatever you'd like from the collection that Barbara has created. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also order by phone at 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” 22:00 Now, it was back in 1990—26 years ago today—that Earl and Anita Downing from Kansas City, Missouri, became husband and wife. Today is the Downing's anniversary—“Happy anniversary!” to Earl and Anita. Thanks for listening to FamilyLife Today. Hope your day is a great day; and “Congratulations!” on more than a quarter century of marriage together. That's a big deal!   Anniversaries are a big deal and ought to be celebrated as such. Increasingly, in this culture, marriage is being devalued. Couples, who are going the distance—well, we're here to cheer you on. In fact, we're here to provide the kind of practical biblical help and hope that all of us need in order for our marriages to go the distance. That's our goal—we want to see every home become a godly home.  And we appreciate those of you who support us in this effort.  23:00 During the month of August, we're asking those of you, who have not made a donation to FamilyLife this year, “Would you consider making a donation?”  We're a little behind this year from where we were last year in terms of the number of people who have made donations. So, we're asking our regular listeners, “If you've not donated this year, would you consider, right now, going to FamilyLifeToday.com and making an online donation?”   You can do that on your smartphone, if you'd like. If you're listening on the FamilyLife app, you can donate from the app as well. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone. You can also mail a donation to us at FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. Every donation is appreciated—we're grateful for every donation.  If you can help with a donation of $100 or more, we'd like to express our gratitude by sending you a series of three Bible studies from our Art of Marriage® Connect collection.  24:00 These Bible studies are designed for small group use or a husband and wife can go through the material together and have some great conversations about strengthening your marriage. Again, we'll send those out to you as a thank-you gift for your generous support of this ministry.  And we hope you can join us again tomorrow. We're going to talk about how we, as parents, can help our children catch a vision for living life as ambassadors and seeing their home as an embassy. Hope you can join us for that.  I want to thank our engineer today—his name is Keith Lynch. I also want to thank our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesYour Home is an Embassy (Part 1) - On Mission, Your Assignment as a CoupleYour Home is an Embassy (Part 2) - World Avoiders or World Changers?Your Home is an Embassy (Part 3) - My Home, God's EmbassyYour Home is an Embassy (Part 4) - A Christian's MissionYour Home is an Embassy (Part 5) - A Home For HospitalityFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. A Home for Hospitality Guest :                       Barbara Rainey                                From the series:       Your Home Is an Embassy (Day 5 of 5)Air date:                     August 26, 2016  Bob: As an ambassador, your assignment is to represent your homeland—to represent the culture and the values. We are ambassadors for Christ. Barbara Rainey says that means: “When people see us, they should be reminded of who He is and what matters to Him.”   Barbara: Jesus talked to anybody and everybody. He welcomed everybody. His love was available for everybody. And as His ambassadors, we need to share His love with anyone. I think it's a great exercise for families to teach your kids to reach out to their friends in school and to invite their friends to come to your home so that you can know who your kids are hanging out with in school; but also, so that you can have an influence on those kids and, maybe, give them a different experience— Dennis: Yes; right.  Barbara: —on what home is supposed to be like because theirs may be very different.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, August 26th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  1:00 When people see you, your home, your family, how much of Jesus are they seeing?  How much do your values reflect the values of the kingdom?  We're going to spend time talking about that today with Barbara Rainey. Stay with us.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I'm actually not surprised to see the Reese's® Peanut Butter cup in the position that it's in on the poll on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com—this is the candy bar poll we've had going on this week.  Dennis: That is no way connected to the content of the broadcast.  Bob: No.  Dennis: Although the broadcast this week has been sweet because Barbara is with us.  Bob: That's true. I'd like to just acknowledge that— Dennis: How's that?  Come on, Bob— Bob: —there's no connection— Dennis: —acknowledge that may be worth one point. Come on.  Bob: There's no connection. Dennis: One point. Bob: It was you who brought this up at the beginning of the week. [Laughter] So, the fact that it's completely random should not surprise listeners at all.  2:00 But do you think of a Reese's Peanut Butter cup as a candy bar? See, I don't think of it as a candy bar.  Barbara: It's not. It's a candy, but it's not bar shaped.  Bob: It's not a bar. So, it's not—we put it up there as one of the choices, but I'm just a little surprised because I don't think of it as a candy bar.  Barbara: I don't either.  Dennis: It was not a random choice, either. We were talking about how you can be on mission as an ambassador. We've been talking this week, with Barbara—welcome back, Sweetheart. [Laughter] Bob: At last, we see the connection—we see the connection between being on mission as an ambassador— Dennis: I'm about to get there.  Bob: —and a candy bar.  Dennis: An ambassador knows whom he serves.  Bob: Yes.  Dennis: He knows and executes the mission of the one he serves.   Bob: Right.  Dennis: Third— Bob: Waiting for the candy bar part.  Dennis: —he operates out of an embassy; and in this case, we're challenging people to think about making their home an embassy.  Bob: Right.  Dennis: And we've got a little sign—a stainless steel sign—that says, “Embassy of the King.”  And finally, I think a good ambassador, operating out of his embassy, needs to train his kids to know how to operate in the world.  3:00 Bob: Here's the connection to candy bars—   Dennis: And Barbara— Bob: —kids. Barbara: Kids. [Laughter]   Dennis: Kids—yes; that's it!  [Laughter]  We took the kids to Russia on a Josh McDowell trip to go visit orphanages.  Barbara: We did.  Dennis: And the way Barbara survived was a candy bar made only in Russia—it's not exported, I'm sure. [Laughter]  She survived all week because the sandwich, or whatever it was, had lettuce-thin meat.  Bob: The supplies were meager.  Dennis: They were. It was survivable only because of the candy bar. Thus— Bob: Okay. It took a long way to get there, but that's how we got to the candy bars.  Dennis: —thus, the straw poll. It's okay.  Bob: Our focus, though, this week has been rethinking about our lives—thinking about being ambassadors / thinking about our homes being embassies for the Kingdom of heaven. Barbara—as Dennis said, you've created a plaque to put at the front door of your home.  4:00 You've created a wall-hanging and a framed print that can hang inside the home that all remind you that the home is an embassy for the kingdom of heaven.  If you were starting over again, as a mom / as a young wife—you had little kids in the home and you wanted to reinforce this idea—what might you do differently than what you did when you were raising your kids?   Barbara: Wow!   Dennis: Well, you know what I would do?   Barbara: What would you do?   Dennis: I'd go to FamilyLifeToday.com and I would play a little video that is on there—how long is the video of— Barbara: It's about a five- to six-minute video.  Dennis: —a follower of Christ, from a former Communist country, who turned his home into an embassy. And the reason we're kind of speaking generically in pronouns is because the creator of this asked that we not refer to the person's name or gender identity; but you'll soon find out who it is by watching the video.  But I'd have the kids watch this video, Bob.  5:00 The person involved is an older person, but this person is on mission. This person is an ambassador operating out of an embassy.  Barbara: And this person talks about how important it is that his home reflects the King that he serves. So, he has some things around his house that remind him of whom he serves and whom he belongs to and remind those who come to visit whom he belongs to and whom his King and Lord is.  Dennis: And if you are wondering, kind of, where the concept for this comes from, Deuteronomy 6 is a great place to go. It talks about having a sign on the doorpost of your house—a banner that is proclaiming whose you are and who you are / your identity. It was all about helping the nation of Israel, as they moved into a foreign country, to know how to establish their spiritual identity and who their God was as they took up residence there. Not a bad idea for us, as followers of Christ, today.  6:00 Bob: So, I'm thinking about, again, how we remind ourselves that we are living as citizens of a different kingdom with different values and make that a part of what our home reflects. I have a friend / we have mutual friends; and if you go into their kitchen, painted on the wall in the kitchen is Proverbs 14:4, which says, “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean.”  [Laughter]   Barbara: That's painted in the kitchen?   Bob: It's painted in the kitchen.  Barbara: I was thinking it was going to be something about food—I was waiting for that.  Bob: See, I thought so too. I walked into the kitchen, and I saw, “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean.”  And then, I looked at the kitchen and said: “Oh!  I understand.”  [Laughter]   Barbara: Lots of little kids!   Bob: “If we didn't have all these kids, the kitchen would be spotless,” is kind of what this is saying.  Part of what you do—if you want your home to reflect embassy values—Dennis, you talked about the American embassy in foreign countries would have pictures of presidents or might have founding documents up.  7:00 You put Scripture on the walls.  Barbara: You do.  Bob: You put pictures on the walls that might represent some of our spiritual forefathers. You do things to create a visual environment that keeps pointing us to whose home this really is; right?   Barbara: Yes; and that's part of the reason I created these visuals for us to put in our home because I think seeing one of these signs that says, “Embassy of the King” on my front door or next to my front door every time I walk in—and I don't have one up yet, but I'm going to put it up soon—but I think that would be good for my soul, when I walk in my front door, to remember that I'm walking into the embassy of the King. It's a refuge / it's a place of rest—when I've been out in foreign land, so to speak, and I've been on mission for Him—to come home and to know that where I'm walking into belongs to my King, and that it's His, and that He is in charge here, not me.  Dennis: I'm going to screw this stainless steel, “Embassy of the King”—what do you call this?   8:00 It's not a sign.  Barbara: I call it a plaque.  Dennis: I'm going to screw this into our bricks of the front of our house. I'm actually picturing, as I come home from work, I'm going to reach over and touch that. Or as I leave in the morning and leave home, I'm going to touch it as I leave—just as a reminder and start thinking about that. What if your kids did that every day as you would raise them?   Now, we tried to do that as we took our kids to school every day. We would—on the way to school, there was a certain spot on the road, where we'd start praying. We would pray for our children—that they would represent Christ, they would know whose they are, and who they are, and that they would represent Him well.  That's what we're about, as parents—we have to make our faith our kids' faith—and how to help them begin to live on the basis of that faith in enemy territory.  Bob: Part of making your home an embassy involves hospitality; doesn't it?   9:00 Barbara: Yes. I think it does involve hospitality because, when you think about an embassy in another country—if you went to the American Embassy in a foreign land, you would be welcomed, you would be greeted warmly, you would be invited in—and that's the essence of hospitality. You might go to the American Embassy because you had a need, you had a problem that you need their help solving, or you might just go visit because you wanted to see the embassy.  I think our homes, as we represent Christ, can do the same thing. When our kids are in school and they want to bring friends home, we want those children, when they come into our home, to feel welcomed and received—that this is a warm, good environment to be in. I think hospitality is really important because we're commanded to be hospitable in the Bible, and I think that's one way that we communicate who Jesus is.  Jesus talked to anybody and everybody. He welcomed everybody. His love was available for everybody.  10:00 As His ambassadors, we need to share His love with anyone. I think it's a great exercise for families to teach your kids to reach out to their friends in school and to invite their friends to come to your home so that you can know who your kids are hanging out with in school; but also, so that you can have an influence on those kids and, maybe, give them a different experience— Dennis: Yes; right.  Barbara: —of what home is supposed to be like because theirs may be very different.  Dennis: I think families, that are followers of Christ, need to invite other kids in. You never know, as Barbara said, where they're coming from. Maybe, they've never seen an intact family; maybe, they've never seen a husband and a wife being nice to each other/ loving each other. Now, a lot of our kids' friends did because a lot of our kids' friends had families that were intact; but I don't think you can underestimate the impact your marriage and family can have on other teenagers as you raise yours.  Bob: Barbara, you've heard the interview that Dennis and I did with Rosaria Butterfield.  11:00 Barbara: Yes.  Bob: Powerful story of a woman whose life was transformed, ultimately, because of hospitality.  Barbara: That's right; yes.  Bob: And I think, as I've reflected on her story—and again, if our listeners have not heard the story of a feminist, lesbian professor at Syracuse University, who became a follower of Christ and, now, is a pastor's wife and a mother raising four children, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to hear that story. It is remarkable. But the thing that has stood out for me was how she got an invitation to an embassy.  Barbara: She did.  Bob: A pastor and his wife said, “We'd like to have you over for dinner.”   Barbara: Yes. She came; they had a great conversation, and it was the crack in the door.  Dennis: And she kept coming.  Barbara: And she kept coming.  Dennis: And then, she started visiting the church.  Bob: And you remember—when she first came, she came with a little edge because she told us—she said, “I brought a bottle of wine, just wanting to see if that pastor was going to freak out that there was alcohol. “ [Laughter]  12:00 And then, she said, “And I went out and got my best butch haircut so that I would be properly— Dennis: I'd forgotten about that.  Bob: Yes. She said— Barbara: —“properly antagonistic.”  [Laughter] Bob: Yes. And she said, “And it didn't throw them.”  I think, if we remember that we're ambassadors, and if we remember that this is the embassy, then, when people from the foreign country come visit the embassy and they look like foreigners, it shouldn't surprise us!   Barbara: No; it shouldn't surprise us. Well, and if you think about it, that's how Jesus received people. He was never shocked or offended or put off by people. He was in touch with all kinds of people. I think we get way too narrow, and selfish, and all kinds of things—but that's the right way to do it [as Jesus did]—is to invite the foreigners in who live around the embassy and welcome them in the name of Christ.  Bob: We were having a conversation recently with somebody who was talking about wanting to be more intentional about how we share our faith in a culture that increasingly wants to hear less and less about it.  13:00 They were talking with people who aren't followers of Christ, and they were talking about lost people. And this person said: “Wait a second. Is that—are you talking about me?—that I'm a lost person?” because he said, “I don't think I'm lost,” and these other folks went—I guess we better stop and think, “If you are an ambassador, living in a foreign country, you should be missionally-aware— Dennis: —“of your language.”   Bob: —“of your language, your actions, and your dress.”   Dennis: —“attitudes.”   Bob: This is, I think, what Paul was talking about when he said, “I've become all things to all people in order that I might win some.”  You are aware: “I don't live in the kingdom anymore. I live in a place where they don't value what the people in the kingdom value, but I must be respectful of these people”— Barbara: That's right; yes.  Bob: —“as I share my homeland and my assignment with them.”    Dennis: Barbara and I chose to put our kids in public school, primarily, because God led us to; but secondarily, we wanted to train our kids in how to reach out to their friends who weren't necessarily all going to be believers as they were.  14:00 We wanted them to kind of grow up in a hostile country.  Barbara: Well, we wanted them to go as ambassadors. We did not use that term with them, but we wanted them to learn to reach out to kids who didn't know Christ. We also wanted them to learn how to relate to kids from all social backgrounds, different kinds of economic backgrounds, and different races because we are called to reach all kinds of people. We wanted them to have that experience of relating to kids from all kinds of different backgrounds.  And that's a part of being an ambassador—is learning who your audience is, learning who these people are, learning their customs, learning the way they talk—not so that you can assimilate and become like them—but so that you can have a hearing and they can hear from you.  Bob: I'm glad you brought that up because one of the dangers that we face, as ambassadors— 15:00 —let's face it—we live in a pretty nice place. I'm thinking: “If I was the ambassador to Fiji, after a few years of living in Fiji, you might start to think, ‘Fiji's pretty nice. [Laughter] In fact, it's— Dennis: So, when you were saying you live in a nice place, you're not talking about your home being nicer than anybody else's.    Bob: No!   Dennis: You're talking about America.  Bob: I'm saying we live in the world—this is a pretty nice world we live in.  Barbara: Yes.  Bob: And God's given us good things here, and you can fall in love with the world.  Dennis: We had dinner the other night with a couple, Tim and Kathy Bush. They are from Washington, and they shared their story of how they were lost. I mean, they'd spent thousands of dollars on marriage counselors. They had been all over the place trying to find solutions for their marriage. They were not followers of Christ—had a second home, had all the trappings, had everything they wanted—and finally, found Christ / found a purpose, and got on mission, and became ambassadors.  16:00 Now, they're all over wanting to strengthen marriages all across the country.  They were actually driving from the state of Washington through Little Rock to get to Aiken, South Carolina, to perform an Art of Marriage® event in that church to serve marriages and families there. They were on mission, and they talked about what you just said, Bob. They talked about how their attitude changed about—instead of being in the world, loving the world, of the world—they wanted to be those who changed the world and made a difference in the world and other people's lives.  Back to the story of our kids being in high school—I'll never forget the first outreach we had in our home. Again, making your home an embassy may mean reaching out, inviting kids informally to hear the gospel. And in our case, we actually hired a speaker—and I'll never forget, Bob, I bought—it had to be over 100 hot dogs— 17:00 —all these hot dogs and buns and everything. We were going to grill dogs and be there for these hungry teenagers, and I think seven kids came.  Barbara: Plus, our kids. [Laughter]   Dennis: Plus, our kids. We were eating hot dogs for — Barbara: —a long time.  Dennis: —a long, long time.  Bob: The good news is you can buy seven hot dogs for about 20 bucks. [Laughter] Dennis: Well, you can buy a lot of them; but— Barbara: And they freeze real well!   Bob: That's right.  Dennis: I just remember that freezer was full of a reminder that we'd overshot it.  But you know what?  By the time our kids graduated from high school—the last one—we'd actually created an outreach that had anywhere from 10 to 25 percent of the student body coming out to events to hear a singing group, an illusionist, maybe, a simulcast with Josh McDowell speaking to them around relevant issues.  And that's why I want to just say to parents: “It may not work the first time you try this to become— 18:00 —make your home into an embassy with your kids. Don't quit!  Keep on inviting kids over there and stay after the task.”   Barbara: Well, and you're modeling for your kids. I think that's—I mean, when you said just a second ago, Dennis, we did this. Well, it wasn't just us.  Dennis: That's right.  Barbara: We did it because we encouraged our kids to do it. So, it was really our kids who did it; but we did it together. And because we encouraged them to reach out to their friends and to create a safe place on campus for kids to talk about Christ, they actually bought into and began to do it.  So, the whole reason that we did this—that we had the kids over, and had hot dogs, and hired a speaker—is because we wanted to model reaching out to others for our kids and with our kids so that they would catch the vision of what it meant to be an ambassador / how to go to school—not just to get an education and graduate and get out of there, which is what most of them think—but how to go to school on purpose and to know that God has a purpose and a mission for you wherever He has you in school. We wanted our kids to be aware of that every day.  19:00 Dennis: I think the thing I want to challenge people, who don't have kids to do—you may say, “Maybe, our work is done.”  No, no, no—there are marriages and families that are falling apart all across the country. You need to know that we've created tools here that can turn you into a great ambassador. The Art of Marriage has now been seen by over 700,000 people because of ambassadors / people who grabbed it and showed the video at an event or in a small group.  And there have been some men, who have said: “You know what?  I want to help men be courageous men.”  And they've grabbed Stepping Up®, the video series, and have led a Stepping Up video series with a small group of men or a large group of men and have made an impact on their lives. And over 200,000 men have been through that.  So, there are thousands of ambassadors who, today, are saying: “I want to make a difference. Give me the tool. Get out of my way. I want to reach my community for Christ.”   Barbara: I think the important thing is that each of us, as ambassadors for Christ, need to ask God:  20:00  “What is it that You want me to do?”  Then, be intentional about it.  If you have kids, you need to be intentional about teaching them that they are ambassadors—that their lives represent Christ every day when they walk out the front door of your house and go to school, or go to their job, or whatever—they are representing Christ. And it's your responsibility, as a parent, to help them wear that well and to understand what that means.  So, whether you're still parenting or whether you're in an empty nest, we need to be intentional about representing Christ every day that we have.  Bob: And if you have kids at home, a great way to be intentional is to go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com and download the free e-booklet that's available that gives you four guided conversations that you can have with your family / with your kids to talk about: “How do we do this?  What does this look like for us?”   Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and download the e-version of the Embassy booklet that Barbara has created.  21:00 While you're there, find out more about the “Embassy of the King” plaque, and banner, and canvas—the other resources Barbara has created. And if you're ready to have an impact in the lives of folks in your neighborhood, in your community, in your church, get a tool like Dennis talked about—The Art of Marriage small group series, The Art of Marriage event kit, the Stepping Up series. Get some people together and go through this material and start pouring into the lives of others so that you can help strengthen them in their marriage, and in their family, and in their relationships. Find out more about these resources that are available from us when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, if you have any questions, at 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”   Now, I want to wish a “Happy anniversary!” today to a couple who have been to five Weekend to Remember® getaways— 22:00 —five of them!  Today, they celebrate 26 years as husband and wife—Fred and Mary Lil West, who live in Mission Viejo, California. They are a part of the Cru® team. FamilyLife is a part of Cru, and Fred and Mary Lil are a part of Cru as well. We just wanted to say, “Happy anniversary!” to the Wests as they celebrate their 26th wedding anniversary today—one past the silver anniversary.  And I'll tell you what—anniversaries are important. We think anniversaries really matter and ought to be celebrated. That's why, as The Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries™, we are acknowledging couples, like the Wests, as they celebrate. We're urging you to make your marriage a priority. Our goal, here at FamilyLife, is that more couples would celebrate more anniversaries for more years to come. The way we do that is by offering practical biblical help and hope each day so that your marriage can go the distance.  And we appreciate those of you who partner with us in making this ministry possible.  23:00 We're listener-supported. This month, we're asking FamilyLife Today listeners, who have been listening regularly, but maybe, it's been awhile since you've made a donation—maybe, you haven't donated this year. We're a little behind this year from where we were last year at this time in terms of the number of people who are supporting the ministry. We're asking regular listeners, “Would you consider, today, going to FamilyLifeToday.com and making an online donation; or calling 1-800-FL-TODAY and making a donation over the phone?”  You can also mail your donation to us at FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.  When you get in touch with us, if you are able to donate $100 or more, we'd like to express our thanks by sending you a set of three Bible studies for couples—part of The Art of Marriage® Connect Series. These studies are designed for small group use or for a husband and wife to use together. They are our thank-you gift when you help us with a donation of $100 or more today.  24:00 Again, thanks for your support of this ministry.  And we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we're going to hear, again, from Barbara Rainey—this time, about God's design for women as wives. Barbara's just written a book on the subject, and she has some thoughts to share with us Monday. Hope you can tune in for that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesGod is Enough (Part 1) - The Son is Enough For Your PastGod is Enough (Part 2) - The Father is Enough For Your PresentGod is Enough (Part 3) - The Holy Spirit is Enough for Your FutureFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Son is Enough for Your Past Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       God is Enough (Day 1 of 3)Air date:                     August 1, 2018  Bob: When an earthquake shook the ancient city of Philippi, there was one man whose life was immediately in crisis. He was the keeper of the jail in Philippi, and the earthquake had opened all the jail cells and let the prisoners free. He thought he would be executed because of his malfeasance—but the apostle Paul told him in that moment not to worry—but to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. Believing on Jesus is central to what it means to be a Christian. Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: There are 84 uses of the word “believe” in the book of John—that's a lot of repetitions of one word. Jesus uses the word “believe” over and over again as a line in the sand, asking everyone in various ways, “Who do you believe that I am?” There's no middle ground with Jesus on belief. Either we believe—or we don't believe. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, August 1st.  1:00 Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  Someone has famously said, “When you finally get to the point where Jesus is all you have—you realize that Jesus is all you need.” We'll hear more about that today from Barbara Rainey. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. Our listeners are going to get a chance to hear from your wife this week. Dennis: I just was thinking about that in fact, Bob. We've had a lot of really cool people on the broadcast, but I was thinking who my favorite guest is we've ever had here on FamilyLife Today. Bob: We know who the answer better be. [Laughter] Anything other than Barbara Rainey—you're in big trouble. Dennis: I am in trouble. But I really like her, and she really enjoyed speaking to a group of I think close to 300 women at The Cove in Asheville, North Carolina. Of course, that's a beautiful spot over there. Bob: Yes. 2:00 Dennis: It was springtime when she gave this message, and she not only loved the time, she was energized by the people she met—the radio listeners, people who had been to the Weekend to Remember®, those who've been through The Art of Marriage™ and looking forward to going through The Art of Parenting™—which we launched with the movie, Like Arrows—and we have a book coming out by the same name, The Art of Parenting. Bob: This is a message that God had put on her heart—which is all about the fact that God is enough for us. I remember she was looking forward to delivering this message because it's a part of her story; isn't it? Dennis: It is, and you'll hear her talk about it—all of us have disabilities. Some are seen—some aren't. Some folks walk with a limp. We have a son who that's a reality for him—as a man, husband, and father—but it's part of his story. Barbara shares a part of her story and where her disabilities were. Bob: Well, let's get right to it.  3:00 Here is Barbara Rainey and part one of a message on God being enough. [Recorded message] Barbara: How many of you have read The Chronicles of Narnia to your children or you've read it yourself? Most of you, but not everybody. Okay, this is going to be fun, because some of you are going to hear one of my favorite authors and something that he's written that I think is just as good for adults as it is for kids. I brought my The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe book, and I'm going to read us a little story this morning. This is the story of four children who found their way into another land through the back of a wardrobe. They were there, and here's what happened in chapter seven. [Barbara reads from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe] “Sh! Look!” said Susan.  “‘What?' said Peter. “‘There's something moving among the trees—over there to the left.'  They all stared as hard as they could, and no one felt very comfortable. “There is goes again,” Susan said presently. 4:00 “I saw it that time too,” said Peter. “It's still there. Just behind that big tree.” “What is it?” asked Lucy, trying very hard not to sound nervous. [Barbara adds:] She was the youngest. [Continuing to read] …They all saw it this time, a whiskered furry face which had looked out at them from behind the tree. But this time it didn't draw back immediately. Instead, the animal put its paw against his mouth, just as humans put their finger on their lips when they're signalling you to be quiet. Then it disappeared again. The children all stood holding their breath. A moment later the stranger came out from behind the tree, glanced around as if it were afraid someone was watching… “Hush,” he said… “I know what it is,” said Peter, “it's a beaver. I saw the tail.” “It wants us to go to it,” said Susan, “and it is warning us not to make a noise.” “I know,” said Peter… So the children all got close together and walked up to the tree…and there, sure enough, they found the Beaver...” 5:00 The beaver said to them, “Are you the Sons of Adam and the Daughters of Eve?” it said. “We're some of them”' said Peter. “S-s-s-sh!” said the Beaver, “not so loud. We're not safe even here.” “‘Why, what are you afraid of?” said Peter. ‘There's no one here but ourselves.” “There are the trees,” said the Beaver. “They're always listening…” “[Then it signaled] to the children to stand as close…as they possibly could, so that their faces were actually tickled by its whiskers… “They say Aslan is on the move [he said]—perhaps he has already landed.” And now a very curious thing happened. None of the children knew who Aslan was any more than you do; but the moment the Beaver had spoken these words everyone felt quite different… “S-s-s-sh,” said the Beaver, “not here. I must bring you where we can have a real talk and also some dinner.” 6:00 So the children followed Mr. Beaver to his little home built out of sticks, they crawled in the home, and Mrs. Beaver was there cooking dinner. They sat down and they all had dinner, and they talked.  And after dinner was over, they said together, “…yes! Tell us about Aslan!” said several voices at once; for once again that strange feeling—like the first signs of spring, like good news, had come over them. “Who is Aslan?” said Susan. “Aslan?” said Mr. Beaver. “Why, don't you know? He's the King. He's the Lord—he's the Lord of the whole wood, but not often here, you understand. Never in my time or my father's time. But the word has reached us that he will come back. He is in Narnia…[and he will make everything right]...” “…But shall we see him?” asked Susan. “Why, Daughter of Eve, that's what I brought you hear for. I'm to lead you to…him,” said Mr. Beaver. “Is he a man?” asked Lucy. “Aslan a man!” said Mr. Beaver sternly. “Certainly not.”  7:00 “‘I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of the Beasts? Aslan is a lion—the Lion, the great Lion.” “Ooh!” said Susan, “I'd thought he was a man. Is he safe? Is he—quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.” “That you will, dearie, and no mistake,”… “Then he isn't safe?” said Lucy. “Safe?” said Mr. Beaver. “Don't you hear what [we said to] you? Who said anything about safe? Of course he isn't safe. But he's good, I tell you. He is the King He is the King.” [End of Reading] So, we're going to talk about this God of ours, who is good—He is very good—but He isn't always safe.  All my life I've wanted a safe God. I don't know about you, but I've wanted a safe God that I could understand, a God I could figure out. 8:00 A God I could kind of put a formula to or some kind of system of rules to, so I knew how He worked—so it made sense to me. I've learned the truth of Mr. Beaver's words—that our God is very good—but He is also not always safe. But I have learned that He is enough for my past—and for my present—and for my future. This morning we're going to look at three different Scripture verses—about God the Father, one about God the Son, and about God the Holy Spirit—the Trinity—and we're going to look at who They really are. I'm hoping that as we do this we will be humbled before Their majesty and we will be led to worship. First, we're going to talk about God the Son and that He is enough for your past. God the Son is enough for your past—and we're going to look at a passage in the book of John.  But before we do that, I wanted to tell you that there's a context to this passage. In fact, there's a context to all of the ones we're going to read— 9:00 —because all of Scripture is written in the context of other things that are happening. There are two things of context that I want you to be aware of as we read it.  The first one is the word “believe.” There are 84 uses of the word “believe” in the book of John. That's a lot of repetitions of one word. Jesus uses the word “believe” over and over again as a line in the sand, asking everyone in various ways, “Who do you believe that I am?” There's no middle ground with Jesus on belief. Either we believe—or we don't believe—we're in unbelief. In the context of our lives—where we find ourselves today—Jesus is still asking us today, “Who do you believe that I am?” Interestingly, I looked up the word “believe” and in the Greek it's a feminine verb. I find it fascinating—I'm still hoping I can get to do some study on this more someday. 10:00 English doesn't have masculine and feminine assignments to all of our words—our words are just what they are—but there are a lot of languages that have masculine and feminine verbs—masculine and feminine adjectives and adverbs and nouns. Spanish does, Greek does, French does—a lot of them do.  In Greek, the word “believe” is a feminine noun—it means a conviction of truth—it means believing in God and divine things, with the idea of trusting and having holy fervor. It reminds me of the women who went to the tomb on Sunday morning. I think the women had a greater capacity to believe, and I think that's a part of the reason why the word “believe” is a feminine noun, because I think we do. I think that's why Eve believed the serpent—I think we have a greater capacity to believe.  Now, nobody has told me this who's a great theologian, but as I've looked at the way we're wired, the way we operate— 11:00 —one of the greatest gifts my husband says I've ever given to him is that I believe in him, and I've always believed in him. I believe in my children, and that belief empowers and fuels and strengthens those that we love. I think that the women who went to the tomb—their faith in who Jesus was was rewarded when they saw Him first. I think Jesus honored and recognized their faith—their quick-to-believe-in-Him faith—when they went to the tomb. So, the word “belief” is a part of the context of the story in John. Secondly—this story is in John chapter 9, so if you have your Bibles you can turn there now—but the timing of this story is really interesting—it's the halfway point of Jesus's ministry. Two months earlier, Jesus had just been in Jerusalem, and He had celebrated the Feast of Tabernacles. At the Feast of Tabernacles, He had claimed to be the light of the world—which created a ruckus among the Pharisees—but He had stood up and said, “I am the light of the world.” 12:00 Well, this story—in John chapter 9—is happening in the month of December, and in this month is the Feast of Lights—the festival of lights. We call it Hanukah—or we know it as Hanukah. We're going to look at the story of John chapter 9 real quickly. Verse 1 says, “And as he passed by, He saw a man blind from birth.” I want to talk for a couple of minutes about this man—who was blind from birth. First of all, Jesus saw this man. The man didn't see Him—because he was blind, he couldn't see—but Jesus saw this man, saw his need, saw his heart, recognized who he was, and he knew—because He was fully God—that this man had been blind from birth. He knew that he needed help. Now, think about this man in his life growing up—if he was born without sight—how did he function in the world? He had to have help for everything. 13:00 So, from the time he was born he was dependent on people for everything—for his food, for his clothing, for his sustenance, for everything. This man was needy. When we look at the passage, we think he was probably of age, which mean he was probably 30, because he was allowed to go into the temple. He was grown. I thought about—how did he feel as a kid growing up, or how did he feel as a teenager, or even as a young man? I would imagine he felt left out. My guess is there were times he was rejected. I think there were probably times he was made fun of. There were probably times when he was not allowed among the community of believers, because in those days anyone who had something wrong with them was unclean and they were cast out. I'm wondering if he was trying to get well. Did he have hope anymore that he would get well? I wonder if he had lost his initiative. But Jesus took the initiative to reach to him— 14:00 —which is what He has done in all of our lives. “We love because He first loved us.” Jesus loved this man and He reached out to him. Verse 2: “And His disciples asked Him, saying, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind?'” I just love this, because this is so who we are. The disciples wanted to know not, “Are you going to heal him?”—not, “What are you thinking about this man?”—they wanted to know whose fault it was! Why did they want to know whose fault it was? Because they wanted to avoid a similar fate. I think it's an issue of control, quite frankly—they didn't trust God. We don't trust God, because we think we can manage this. We think we can control the circumstances if we just figure out what's really going on below the surface. Then verse 3, “Jesus answered and said, ‘It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was in order that the works of God might be displayed in him.'” 15:00 He didn't rebuke them for asking the question—He let them ask the question—and He turned it and showed them what the truth was. The truth was that God wanted His glory to be seen. He wanted those who were there to watch Jesus's power and who He really was. There's a verse that I think is really interesting—Exodus 4:11. God said to Moses, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?” Who was behind this man's blindness? It wasn't the parents' fault. It wasn't the man's fault. It was God, who wanted to do something to demonstrate who He was to people. God intentionally made this man blind—He intentionally subjected Him to decades of life with a handicap—a disability—and the man suffered for it. We don't like that kind of God, do we? 16:00 But the reason He did it—Jesus makes it really clear in verse 3—because God had a higher purpose in mind—to display His glory. As I thought about it I thought, “If the man had been born whole, he would have never experienced the wonder of being healed. But he lived with this blindness for so long that when Jesus healed him, he was exuberant.” If you read the rest of the chapter, he couldn't stop talking about it. He was jumping up and running around and telling everyone what had happened to him—and we would too; right? Now, I want to turn this to us. What handicap were you born with that has never left you since birth? My handicap was not anything physical that could be seen or measured, like blindness or deafness. My handicap—I always felt like—was that I was shy, and I was insecure, and I was quiet, and I wasn't comfortable with people. 17:00 I remember going through high school and noticing people who were really popular and they had fun and they talked easily, and I remember thinking, “Why can't I be more like those people?” I tried to be different and I couldn't break out of my shell, and it followed me all of my life. I always felt like if I didn't have this—if I wasn't made this way, if I wasn't made to be cautious and quiet and think things through, if I could be more like these other people—I would be happier, I would have more fun. People would like me, I could be popular. I remember one day years later. I was married, I had kids, and I was still struggling with this and feeling insecure—I just didn't like the way I was. I was driving somewhere, and I just had this thought out of the blue—which of course was God Himself—the Holy Spirit—He reminded me that it was important for me to be that way. He said, “You don't know what you escaped. You don't know what you were saved from— 18:00 —because you were not a part of that group of kids that you longed to be a part of.I went, “Yes, Lord. You're right.” I shared this story with a group of women about a month and a half ago at a retreat. We all shared what our handicap was. One woman said, “I always felt like the odd person in my family, because everybody else in my family—all my other siblings were just like my parents—and I was so different from anyone else. I always felt like the odd one out. I felt like I was a mistake my whole life.” I want you to think for a second: what were you born with that you have wished all of your life was not a part of who you are? You may never see the reason why God did this in your life this side of heaven—you may never experience dramatic healing like the man born blind—but you can know without question that God did not make a mistake in your life. You can know He meant it for your good, that the works of God might be displayed in you. 19:00 The story of the man born blind finishes with Jesus going and finding this man and asking him, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” The blind man, who was now seeing, said, “Yes, I believe,” and he fell on his face and he worshipped Jesus. So, my question for you and for me: will you be like the blind man, who recognized his need, who believed God intended good for him—or will you be like the disciples, who wanted control? [Studio] Bob: Well, that is Barbara Rainey with a penetrating question right there. Dennis: That's a good question. Frankly, I was listening to her and I was going, “Whoa.” Bob: Yes. We all want some level of control in our lives. Dennis: We do. Bob: When things are out of control—nobody's comfortable in that situation. Dennis: Right. I got a letter from a friend who is struggling right now, and she just sent me a text to let me know that— 20:00 —it's really easy to say you can trust God, but it's really difficult to do it in the midst of the storm. Bob: Yes. Dennis: That's what Barbara's talking about here. When you're disciples, you still have the wrong conclusion that you are in control and somehow you can change your destiny. Bob: I know a lot of people look at their past and wonder if they are disqualified from being a part of God's family because of the past, yet the apostle Paul, I think, gives us the best evidence—that even if you were an accessory to murder—even if you hated the things of God, God can still welcome you into the family—and he tells us to forget what lies behind and to press on. Dennis: I'm sorry David—King David—sinned and committed adultery and murder and spoiled his son and on and on and on, but you know—there's great hope for all of us broken human beings to realize, God never gave up on him.  21:00 He never stopped loving David. He never stopped loving Paul—and met him on the road to Damascus. God may be after somebody right now who's on the road—and He may be after you and wants your whole heart. The question is: how will you answer what Barbara said—will you be like the blind man, who cries out—or will you negotiate with God and try to retain control? Bob: If you missed any portion of Barbara's message today or if you'd like to hear the message in its entirety you can go to our website—FamilyLifeToday.com—download the file, or listen online. Barbara's message is titled “God Is Enough for Our Past, Present, and Future.” Again, it's available online at FamilyLifeToday.com. There's also a link there to Barbara's blog and the Ever Thine Home® website. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.  By the way, here in a few weeks we're going to be— 22:00 —releasing the brand new book that you and Barbara have written together, called The Art of Parenting. We wanted to let our listeners know, if you'd like to get a copy of this book as soon as it's available, we're sending it out early to those of you who can help us with a donation this month in support of this ministry. We've had a friend who has come to the ministry and offered to match any donation we receive during the month of August—dollar for dollar—up to a total of 500,000 dollars.  It's a great end-of-summer challenge for us here at the ministry, and we're trying to rally as many listeners as possible to be a part of this matching gift challenge. If you can help us, we will send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara's new book, The Art of Parenting, as soon as it's available. This book is a companion to The Art of Parenting video series that has recently been released. A lot of couples—a lot of churches are using this content in small groups or for parenting classes in the church. 23:00 In fact, some of the churches are showing our movie, “Like Arrows,” as a kickoff event to help launch these Art of Parenting classes. If you'd like information about that, you'll find it online at FamilyLifeToday.com, but if you can help with a donation today, we will send you an early copy of The Art of Parenting as soon as it's in from the publisher. Make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  You can also mail your donation to us, along with your request for Dennis and Barbara's new book. Send your donation to FamilyLife Today at Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas; our zip code is 72223. Don't forget your donation will be matched dollar for dollar during the month of August, and we hope to hear from you. Finally, if you've not yet signed up for our back-to-school Prayer Challenge for parents, we want to send you 30 days of prayer prompts—via email—so that each day you have a new topic to be praying for your children as they get ready to head back to school. 24:00 Some kids are already back at it, in certain parts of the country. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up for the 30-day Parenting Prayer Challenge and then look for those daily prayer prompts in your e-mail inbox. And be sure to join us back tomorrow. We will hear part two from Barbara Rainey about God being enough for our past, our present, and our future. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesGod is Enough (Part 1) - The Son is Enough For Your PastGod is Enough (Part 2) - The Father is Enough For Your PresentGod is Enough (Part 3) - The Holy Spirit is Enough for Your FutureFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Father is Enough for Your Present Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       God is Enough (Day 2 of 3)Air date:                     August 2, 2018  Bob: Do you find yourself thinking that God is responsible for the blessings in your life and someone or something else is responsible for the trials and the challenges? Barbara Rainey says a careful reading of Scripture will lead you to a different conclusion. Barbara: “I am the Lord who creates darkness, who causes well-being and creates calamity.” I didn't like that so much. That felt really disconcerting to me. It was stunning—it was shocking. It's like, “God creates calamity?” For years I thought that the only person who created calamity was Satan, and I thought it only happened to bad people— not good people. I certainly didn't think God created calamity. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, August 2nd. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  Whether it's a sunny day where you are or there are storm clouds on your horizon, Barbara Rainey wants to remind you that God is in control. 1:00 Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. We're spending some time hearing from your wife this week about the sufficiency of God. You know, I think about what the Bible has to say about God having given us in His Word everything pertaining to life and godliness. It takes time—but over time, hopefully—we learn that once you realize God is all you have, then you realize God is all you need. Dennis: And He's patient with us as we come to that conclusion.  The cool thing is you're going to hear from a very wise woman whom I love dearly—Barbara Rainey. I was thinking, Bob, some of our listeners can remember this—most of them don't have any idea what I'm talking about—but there used to be an advertisement that started like this, “When E.F. Hutton talks, people listen.” Bob: I remember that, yes. 2:00 Dennis: Yes. Some of our listeners are going, “What's E.F. Hutton? Does it even exist today?” Bob: “Who was he talking about?” Dennis: He's a stockbroker. When Barbara talks, I listen, because she's very thoughtful—very precise—and I can promise you what you're about to hear in this message—and the first part of the message we've already heard—but she talks about how you can view the present and the future—as a woman or a man, as far as that goes—and trust God with what you're facing today. She's a real student of the Bible, so she has some really gritty stuff to say from the Scriptures. Bob: This was a message that she gave to a group of women at a retreat at The Cove—in Asheville, North Carolina recently—and it's all about God being enough. As you said, we've already heard about how God is enough for our past, and now we're going to hear about how He is enough for the present. Here's Barbara.  3:00 [Recorded message] Barbara: Number two—our second story—is going to show us God the Father is enough for our present tense—for our todays—every day.  When Dennis and I were raising our kids, one of the things that we did pretty regularly was we went out for a weekly date night. It was life for me. One night we went out for our weekly date night—we always did Sunday night because our church didn't have Sunday night services—and that was the easiest night for us to get away that was usually open on the calendar.  We—at that time—only had two teenagers left at home, they were 14 and 15. As we walked out the door for our weekly date night, we said to the girls—the two girls, “Now, you have homework to do, we want you to do your homework—we want you to get your work done, and then you can read a book—but no TV. Got it?” “Oh yes, sure, we got it.” Dennis and I walked out the door, and as we walked out the door— 4:00 —I called over my shoulder, before the door slammed, I said, “Don't forget, what did I say? No TV, right?” “Got it, no TV.” Dennis and I went to dinner, we were gone about three hours—maybe four—I don't know. We came home, and as we were coming in Dennis said to me—he looked at me and he said, “I'm going to turn the lights off on the car, and let's just kind of slide in quietly, stealthily, and see—let's just check on the girls.” [Laughter] So he turned off the lights and we rolled down the hill really quietly, turned the car in, and parked—of course, they didn't know we were there because they didn't see anybody coming. We got out of the car and we walked around to the front of the house. Our sidewalk went across the front, and we stopped in front of the dining room windows, and we looked in the dining room windows, and there, through the dining room windows, and beyond the dining room was our kitchen. In the dining room windows we could see this bright blue glow. [Laughter] It was a dead giveaway, and as we looked we could see they were propped up in the kitchen, glued to the television.   5:00 So Dennis said to me—he said, “You stay here and keep watching them through the window. I'm going to go around back and come in the back door, and you see what happens.” I said, “Great.” [Laughter] This is one of those times when parents get the upper edge, and it felt so good. I have to tell you, it felt so good, because I can't tell you how many times we had no idea who did what, who was right, who the guilty party was—and this time we knew. There was no dispute. So, he walked around to the back door, opened the door, jingled his keys for a while, and said, “Girls, we're home!” I mean, they jumped as quick as they could. The TV went off, the books were open, they were sitting there, studious, just little angels—little angels. [Laughter] He walked in and he said, “Girls, how was your evening?” “Great, great, great.” “So…did you get your homework done?” “Yes, we're working on it,” you know. “Did you watch any TV?” What do you think they said? 6:00 “Oh, no, we didn't watch any TV.” He said, “Are you sure?” “No, Dad—we didn't watch any TV.” “Okay,” he said. “I want you to turn around, look over your shoulder, and look out that window, and I want you to wave at your mom. [Laughter] “She's been standing there watching you watch TV.” [Laughter] They were toast.  I came in and we had a little conversation about it, and we decided—Dennis and I decided—that we were going to ground them for a month. First of all, they broke the rule—they were not supposed to watch TV—and they did. Secondly, they lied about it.  One of our standards for what we discipline for in our house was lying, and it comes from Proverbs chapter 6 that says, “These six things the Lord hates,” and then it says, “yes, seven,” and a lying tongue is one of the six things—seven things—that God hates.  7:00 We decided as parents early on—real early on—that we were going to discipline our kids for the things that God says He hates—and God says He hates a lying tongue. He also says He hates a haughty spirit and hands that shed innocent blood—and to me that meant kids that bite and hit and that kind of thing. Those are the things we disciplined for. They knew that lying was one of the things at the top of the list—so we grounded them for an entire month. They weren't happy, obviously. They felt like it was unfair. They felt like we were kind of over-the-top in grounding them for an entire month. They tried to negotiate with us. They're going, “Well, we didn't watch it for that long,” you know—that kind of thing. Do your kids ever do that? Negotiate? Mm-hmm. Yes. Let me ask you this: Do you ever negotiate with God?  I want us to look at a passage in the Old Testament, so turn with me in your Bibles to Isaiah 45.  8:00 I love this chapter in the Old Testament, and the context for this chapter is prophecy. In this chapter, God is foretelling something that is going to happen hundreds of years in the future. In this chapter, He repeats a statement about Himself four times, and this is what I want us to look at. Turn to Isaiah 45, and we're going to start in verse 22. I'm going to read backwards—which we don't normally do—but I have a reason for it. “Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth, for I am God, and there is no other.” That's the repeated phrase. Verse 18, “For thus says the LORD, who created the heavens (He is the God who formed the earth and established it, He made it and did not create it a waste place), ‘I am the LORD, and there is no other.'” Number two. Number three is verse 5—“I am the LORD, and there is no other, besides Me there is no God.” 9:00 And then in verse 6 He says, “…that men may know, from the rising of the sun to the setting of the sun, that there is no one besides Me.” Four times God says it, and then He finishes at the end of verse 6 and says, “I am the LORD, and there is no other.” Now, I want us to read verse 7 together. Ready? It comes after the end of verse 6. It's actually a continuation of verse 6, because verse 6 doesn't end with a period, it ends with a comma. “I am the LORD, and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity? I am the LORD, who does all these things.” How did that make you feel when you read that? Maybe you've read that for the first time. I read it for the first time maybe ten or 15 years ago. “I am the LORD, who creates darkness, who causes well-being and creates calamity.”  10:00 I didn't like that so much! That felt really disconcerting to me. It was stunning—it was shocking. It's like, “God creates calamity?” For years I thought that the only person who created calamity was Satan, and I thought it only happened to bad people—not good people—and I certainly didn't think God created calamity. The thing that's interesting to me about this verse—well, a bunch of things are interesting—one is that I looked up the word “calamity,” and it's a Hebrew adjective that means “bad”—it means “adversity”—it means “affliction”. It's like, “Okay, it means what I think it means.” Then I looked up “create” and “cause,” and those two words mean “to fashion or to make” or “to accomplish”. So, “create calamity” means just what it says. Just like our teenage daughters, who felt our discipline was harsh—it was a calamity in their lives—but we gave it to them for their good, because we knew that they needed it.  11:00 Our teenagers felt like their suffering—which was caused by us for a whole month—was too extreme. They felt it was too unfair, but we had a higher good in mind. We were training them in righteousness. It's a great reminder to me of my relationship with God. I view things that He does—oftentimes—as bad, I don't like it—it feels unfair; it feels extreme. But God says, “I have a higher good in mind. I always have a higher good in mind.” He is always working for us for our good. At the heart of Isaiah 45:7 is the question of God's sovereignty. Is He in control—or not? It's a question we have to wrestle with—and answer. Do we believe He is in control, or not?  Then the second question is: Does He have the authority to decide what is good and what is not good?   12:00 We think we have the authority to decide what's good and not good—but God is the one who is in charge. Here's the third question: Can He do something that feels bad to us and still be loving? The answer is yes, because we did something that felt really bad to our girls. They didn't like it, they were restricted; it felt bad to them. It felt like a calamity to them, but we did it because we loved them. We had good in mind for them, we had a higher purpose in mind for them—and so God does for us. I'm going to read you something that's written in a Hebrew commentary that really was—I think is so well written—about this verse—just to put some of you at ease in your thinking, because this will say it much better than I can say it. “God does not just allow darkness and calamity and then blame someone else. 13:00 “He creates the problems of human history. Evil is not outside of God's control. He uses it without being dirtied by it. Let's stop trying to rescue God from a problem He created for Himself by claiming full mastery over all things. Let's not relieve God of His responsibilities as King of the universe.” —Isn't that good? — “The very thing that we humans perceive as a problem, God perceives as His glory. God owns the dark moments of life.” I love that—“God owns the dark moments of life.”  “He bends everything around for His saving purpose. When Isaiah wrote this so long ago, he did not overlook a problem or a difficulty that we brainy, modern people happen to notice.” —We tend to think that way; don't we? We think we're a whole lot smarter than those people who lived back in the Old Testament times. “Isaiah 45:7 is not an embarrassment—it's what we love about God.  14:00 Not even evil can frustrate Him, and His surprising strategies are our assurance. He is proving to us that, ‘I am the LORD, and there is no other.'” I hope that encourages you and comforts you and helps you make peace with this God of ours who is very, very good but who also isn't always safe. None of us know what the rest of today will bring. None of us know what the next hour will bring—we don't know what tomorrow will bring. We woke up with plans for our day this morning; didn't we? We knew what we were going to do next—we knew where we were going to go—we know what time we're going to leave here this morning. Someone else once woke up with plans for the day—thinking that everything was going to go as planned—and his name was Job. He got up one day expecting the usual, and by the time the day was over— 15:00 —everything in his life had changed. I used to not be a fan of Job, but I have really come to appreciate so much about this man and what he did and his response.  His response, at the end of his day, when he had learned that everything in his life had been taken away and ruined—all his children, all his livelihood, all his stock, his animals, everything was gone—“He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.' Through all this Job did not sin, nor did he blame God.” He did not blame God. The thing that I find remarkable about this is that he said, “The LORD has taken away.”  He didn't say, “Satan has taken away.” He knew that God was ultimately in control—God was in charge—God was sovereign. God was the One who took all of that away, and he worshipped and praised Him. 16:00 Even though it hurt and he didn't like it—he praised God—because he knew God had good in mind.  I want that to be my response. When I read those verses—when I read what Job said, I want that to be my response when hard things come in my life. I don't mean to frighten any of you with this, because I used to be frightened by Job's story. I didn't want to read it. Kind of like the disciples, I didn't want to get close because I didn't want any of that to happen to me. I didn't like his story. I didn't like reading about calamity and hard things, because I didn't want to be touched by it. I wanted to be comfortable and I wanted to be pain-free in my life. I'm not intending to frighten you. I don't want anyone to walk out of here scared to death about the shoe dropping or whatever. But what I do want you to see is that when the day of calamity does come, He will be enough for you in that day.  17:00 He has been enough for me in a lot of calamities in my life, and I have learned that He is enough, and that's the most important thing for you to take away from here today, is that there will be hard times.  Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble.” Jesus doesn't lie. There are hard things, and He wants us to know that He will be enough—no matter what He brings our way. If He is enough for the day of calamity, He will be enough for my today—for my next hour, for this afternoon, for tonight—He will be enough for today. So my question for you is: Will you choose to believe that He is always acting with good and loving purposes for you? Will you see Him as He really is—not as you want Him to be? That was a big adjustment for me, because I wanted God to be a certain way. I wanted Him to be safe— 18:00 —and when I began to see that He isn't always safe it was good for me to see God as He really is. [Studio] Bob: Well, we've been listening to part two of a message from Barbara Rainey about God being enough in our lives. It's one thing to trust God when the storm has passed and to say, “You know what? God saw me through that and He can be trusted.” But when the wind is blowing and the rain is beating on the roof, there are times when we go, “God, are You here? Do You care?” We wonder; don't we? Dennis: We do. I just want to go somebody else who talked about the rain and the wind. It's Jesus—in Matthew 7:24. If this is where you are right now in the present—where Barbara was talking about—I want you to listen to what this might say to you, because these are the words of the Creator of the universe—Jesus Christ. 19:00 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds—” yes, that's the winds Bob was talking about “—the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” I think the instruction of Christ is here, whatever you're facing—look outside the window, and if it's pouring outside, if the wind's pounding, if the floods are bursting against the house, it's going to reveal what your house has been built on. 20:00 Hearing the words of Christ and doing them—being a wise person, not a fool—don't be a fool and give up on God in the present. Bob: Okay, you have built your house on the rock—but you still experience anxiety. Dennis: Oh, yes. In fact—as you said that it's like, yes, you can build your house on the rock—but that doesn't make you exempt from feeling it when the storms hit. Bob: So, in those moments when there is fear—when you are anxious—how do you counsel your own heart in those moments? Dennis: I wish I could tell you I counsel my own heart perfectly. Sometimes it takes Barbara to come alongside me and remind me of the Truth. More than once in the past six months she's kind of come alongside me and just said, “Hey, God's not done with us—not done with you.” I think there are some spouses who need to realize the power of their words to remind their spouse of the truth. 21:00 Bob: Yes. Dennis: Your words can counsel—as Bob was talking about—counsel your soul—and on the other hand, you also can counsel your own soul. You can remind yourself of the truth. Has God said He's going to abandon you? No, He said He'd be with you, even to the end of the age. His presence will go with you. He has a plan. Ephesians 2:10, “We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” That's a pretty profound promise for the present. Bob: Well, and I think, in the middle of the storm, are you going to look at the weather radar or are you going to look at the One who controls the weather; right? That's the point of Barbara's message.  By the way, if our listeners have missed any part of the message and they'd like to listen to it in its entirety, we have the audio file online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can download the message in its entirety. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.  22:00 We also have a link to Barbara's Ever Thine Home website with her blog and with other information about all that she is up to. You'll find that online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Let me also mention that Dennis and Barbara have just finished a new book called The Art of Parenting. It's a companion to the video series that we have produced that a lot of churches have started to use—a lot of small groups are planning to use this fall. The book has not arrived from the publisher yet, but if you can help us with a donation during the month of August we will put you at the front of the list—we'll get you a copy of the book as soon as it arrives. You'll be among the first to get this brand new book from Dennis and Barbara.  The month of August is a particularly good month to help with a donation, because we've had a friend of the ministry who has offered to match every donation we receive here at the end of summer with an equal donation of his own, up to a total of 500,000 dollars. We hope to take full advantage of this matching gift opportunity— 23:00 —and we hope to send out a lot of Art of Parenting books to FamilyLife Today listeners. So, would you consider making a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com? Or call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Or, request Dennis and Barbara's new book when you mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas. Our zip code is 72223. If you'd like more information about the Art of Parenting™ video series or the online course that we've created or about how your church can use the movie “Like Arrows” as a kickoff event to launch Art of Parenting small groups or classes, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com—or give us a call at 1-800-FL-TODAY. And the last thing, don't forget to sign up to receive the daily prayer prompts we are sending out as a back-to-school 30-day Parenting Prayer Challenge. We will send you a prayer prompt every day for 30 days with specific things you can be praying for your children as they head back to elementary school or junior high, high school, college. Maybe you're grandparents and you'd like to be praying for your grandchildren. This prayer prompt works for you as well. Sign up—it's free. You'll find it online at FamilyLifeToday.com. And be sure to be back with us again tomorrow, when we'll hear more from Barbara Rainey about the sufficiency of Christ for our lives. Hope you can be with us for that. Thanks to our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Have a great day. We will see you back  tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesGod is Enough (Part 1) - The Son is Enough For Your PastGod is Enough (Part 2) - The Father is Enough For Your PresentGod is Enough (Part 3) - The Holy Spirit is Enough for Your FutureFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Holy Spirit is Enough for Your Future Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       God is Enough (Day 3 of 3)Air date:                     August 3, 2018  Bob: Whatever you're facing today—whatever the challenges are—Barbara Rainey wants you to remember that you are not alone. God's Holy Spirit is with you everywhere you go. Barbara: In Romans He is our intercessor. The Holy Spirit is constantly praying for us, and I am so, so grateful, because there are many, many times in my life when I don't know what to pray—I don't know what to say—and He is praying for me—He is interceding for me before the Father. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, August 3rd. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  God's Spirit is described in Scripture as our Comforter—and there are days when we need to know He is there providing comfort. We'll hear more about that today from Barbara Rainey. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us.  1:00 We've been hearing from your wife this week, and I've been thinking—this is really about those times in life when we find ourselves in the low places—in the valleys of life, when we're not on the mountaintop, when we're in the slog. The psalmist talks about the valley of the shadow of death. Sometimes it's not the shadow of death we're feeling, it's other shadows—but it's about times when life is dark and we're uncertain about where God is leading us or if He even is still with us. Dennis: We're in need of being reminded of the truth about God and who He is—and also that He has a plan for our lives and He can be trusted. I think sometimes, Bob, it's just as simple as that. We just need somebody reaching into our lives. I think in those times we need to avoid being isolated. Let me tell you—your enemy, in the midst of the low places—is the enemy of isolating yourself from other people who can remind you of the truth about God— 2:00 —the truth about yourself—and the truth about your future. You need friends. Every one of us has times—and I mean, some of them are game times. I mean, they're really, really tough—it feels like it's all on the line. Those are times when you can't isolate from other people and try to handle it yourself by gritting your teeth and say, “We're just going to persevere.” No, let some other people into your space, and share your sorrow, your worry—actually, what's going on in your heart. Bob: We're going to hear part three of a message from your wife, Barbara Rainey. She spoke to a group of women—not long ago—on the sufficiency of Christ to deal with issues from the past, issues we're facing in our present, and for the issues that are ahead for us—for the darkness that we may be walking into. One of the things she says in this message is that we need to recognize that Jesus—who has promised to be always with us and to never forsake us— 3:00 —is with us—by His Holy Spirit—as we head into the future. Here's Barbara. [Recorded message] Barbara: Number three: God the Holy Spirit is enough for my future. God the Holy Spirit is enough for my future. I've noticed through the years that the Bible talks a good bit about dwelling-places—about homes. In the Old Testament, God's residence on earth was the tabernacle. You remember they built that tent and they carried it around the wilderness and they rolled it up and they carried it and reset it up all over the place.  Then, during Solomon's reign, they built an actual, physical temple that never moved—it sat in one place. In that temple, God's presence lived in a particular room called the Holy of Holies. So God's presence was in one place—physically—on earth. But in John 1:1 it says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.” 4:00 Then in John 1:14 it says, “And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us.”So, when Jesus came and walked around the earth, He actually occupied a physical place on the planet, and His presence was way beyond that little square room inside the temple. God's presence was all over the land of Israel. God wasn't confined anymore to one room. In fact, Jesus's name—Immanuel—means “God with us.” But there was more change coming. Turn to John 14, and we're going to read some verses from the Last Supper. The context for these verses is Jesus's last words to His disciples. The end of His life was near—in fact—it was only 24 hours away. This was His last meal—and these were His last words to His dearest friends on earth. In those last words He introduced us to a new dwelling-place that He was going to give. John 14:16 and 17— 5:00 “And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;” Forever! Jesus knew He was leaving, but He wanted to give them Someone who would be with them forever. Verse 17—“that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not behold Him or know Him, but you know Him, because He abides with you and will be in you.” If you have a Bible that you can underline in—and maybe you can do it on your phone—I don't know how to do that yet—but in my real Bible I have underlined “with you” and “in you,”—both “with you” and “in you.”  Jesus knew that the next day He was going to be on the cross and He was going to be gone—and He knew His disciples were going to feel abandoned and forsaken. In fact, in the next verse—verse 18—He said, “I will not leave you as orphans.” He knew they were going to feel like orphans the next day—on Good Friday—so He promised them that He was going to send Someone who would be with them forever. 6:00 I love the concept of those two phrases in verse 17: He will be “with you” and “in you.” So, Jesus is here with me. He's all around me. He's before me, He's beside me, He's behind me, He's above me, He goes before me—but He's also in me.  I think today—as Christians—we're so used to that concept that we just kind of go, “Yes. Okay. He's with me.” But think about the magnitude of that—of the God of the universe—the Creator—coming to live within me?—so that He's not just next to me—but He's in me. I'm standing here with Jesus in me. The Spirit of Christ is in me, and He's in every one of you—with you. He's next to you and He's in you. That's a concept that I think we need to understand more—we need to appreciate more—we need to ask Him to reveal how important that is to us. 7:00 Paul explained this whole concept more clearly when he wrote that our bodies are the temple, the dwelling-place of God's Spirit. In 2nd Corinthians 6:16 Paul wrote, “For we are the temple of the living God.” We forget sometimes that God is living. The living God lives within me—and He lives within you. C.S. Lewis wrote this little paragraph about us being the temple, and I really have loved it. He wrote, “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house.” He's come into all of us, right? He's living in every single one of us, and He wants to rule. He wants to be on the throne, He wants to change all of our lives. He wants to fix our houses. So, you think you understand what He's doing—you go, “Okay, I need some changing, I need some fixing up. Yes, I have some problems that need to be fixed.” You watch what He's doing.  8:00 C.S. Lewis writes it this way—“You think you understand what He is doing. He's getting the drains right, He's stopping the leaks in the roof, and so on. You knew those jobs needed doing, so you're not too terribly surprised; you're actually kind of glad that He is. But presently He starts knocking about the house in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense to you whatsoever. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house than the one you thought of. He's throwing up a new wing here, He's putting on an extra floor, He's running up towers and making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace that He intends to live in Himself.” I love that description, because He wants a palace, and so often I'm content with being who I am and who I want to be instead of realizing that my body—my person—who I am— 9:00 —is the temple, a dwelling-place—and He wants it to be a palace for His presence. I want you all to look with me for a few minutes at the Holy Spirit. I don't think we talk nearly enough about the Holy Spirit—I don't think we understand who He is. We think of Him as a ghost—and He's not—He's the third person of the Trinity. So, I want to introduce you a little bit more to the Holy Spirit in the time we have left. The Holy Spirit is enough for my tomorrows because He lives within me. He will never leave me and He will never forsake me, so I can know that no matter what tomorrow brings or next week brings, or next month or next year or ten years from now—He is never going to leave me—so He is enough for my tomorrows. The Holy Spirit is my dearest Friend and Companion. I have learned to talk to Him all the time throughout my days, because He is always with me. 10:00 It is He who lives within me—It is the Spirit of Christ who dwells inside of me. He is our Helper—we just read a verse where Jesus promised that He was the Helper. He is our Teacher—He said, “He will teach you all things.” He is our Friend. Number four—He is our Guide. In chapter 16 Jesus said that “the Holy Spirit will be your guide.” I talk to Him all the time as my guide. I say, “Holy Spirit—my Guide—I need You to show me what to do. I need You to lead me. I need You to show me what is next for me to do.” I love that He is my Guide. He is our Purifier. In John 16 Jesus talks about how the Holy Spirit will convict us of sin. It's a part of making our home—our body, our temple—into a pure and holy dwelling-place for the Spirit of God. He is our Pledge—He is our promise of things to come. 11:00 He is our Life. Romans 8:11 talks about how the Spirit—the Holy Spirit—gives us life. He is our Power. Jesus said this in Acts 1:8, “When the Holy Spirit comes, He will give you power.” He wants us to be aware of the power—He wants us to use His power.  In Romans, He is our Intercessor. The Holy Spirit is constantly praying for us, and I am so, so grateful, because there are many, many times in my life when I don't know what to pray, I don't know what to say, and He is praying for me. He is interceding for me before the Father.  Then the last one is in John 7, where Jesus said that the Holy Spirit is the Living Water. It means He's constantly bubbling up in my heart—He is constantly refreshing me with the living water. I want to ask you: Are you listening for His voice? I want to encourage you to be listening for the voice of the Holy Spirit. 12:00 As Sharon talked about the other night, He whispers, so we have to be attentive—we have to be close—we have to be paying attention. You can't know His voice if you don't know the language He speaks—and the language that the Holy Spirit speaks is God's Word. It says, “He will guide you into all truth,” God's Word—so the more you get into the Bible—the more you read His Word—the more Holy Spirit has to speak to you. So know His Word. I want to encourage you to talk to Him as a person—He is not a ghost—He is a person. I want us to pray for a minute about the Holy Spirit, and I'm going to talk to the Holy Spirit and model for you how you can talk to the Holy Spirit, too—if this is not something that you're used to doing. Let's pray. Holy Spirit, my Friend—my closest Companion—my Teacher, and my Guide, thank You that You never leave me or forsake me. 13:00 Thank You that You are my Guide. Oh, how I need You every moment of every day for my life—for I am often so lost and confused and unsure. Thank You that You will be present in my every tomorrow—as promised by Jesus before the cross. Teach me to know You and to recognize Your voice, to follow Your leading, to let You purify and transform my selfish, broken heart. In Jesus's name, Amen. As we close our session together, I want to turn to one more verse—and it's in Romans. When I was a brand new Christian this is one of the first verses that I ever memorized, and it continues to be an amazing verse in my life. Romans 12:1, “I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies—”  14:00 —here we are talking about the temple again, where Jesus lives, but present your body “a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” Does your body—the living dwelling-place of God—does it belong to Him? Does He have all of it? Does He have all of you? Are you daily surrendering to Him? Surrender is not a one-time thing. We need to surrender to Christ and to the leading of the Spirit every day—every moment of every day—in every situation with our kids, in every circumstance with our husbands, in every relationship with our friends or our church—or whatever it is. Surrender is a way of life—it's not a one-time event or a couple of times event—He wants us to surrender to Him every day—every minute of every day. 15:00 I want to ask—does He have access in your life to every room, every closet, every secret passageway, every back staircase, every corner of your life? Does He have access to every part of you? We're going to finish by singing a song that's one of my very favorites. It's an old hymn, but it's one of my very favorites, and part of the reason it's my favorite—one of my favorites—is because of the story behind it. The hymn is “It Is Well with My Soul.” I've already told Dennis I want it sung at my funeral. But the story of the song—in case you don't know it—is it was written by a man named Horatio Spafford, who was a businessman in Chicago in the late 1800s. He and his family were supposed to go to England to join Dwight Moody on a crusade in England. At the last minute, he was unable to go because of some business situations— 16:00 —and he said to his wife, “You and the children go on ahead, and I'll get the next ship.” Of course, they had no planes in those days—they went by ship. So his wife and children got on this ocean liner and sailed across the Atlantic to go to England. Not far from England they encountered a great storm, and the ship sank, and all his children died—but his wife lived, and she sent a telegram back that said, “All lost. I am alive,”—or something like that—very, very short. He came then—on the next ship. He got the telegram—and he knew—and he came on the next ship across the ocean. As he got to the spot where the drowning had happened, the captain came to him and said, “This is where the ship went down. This is where your four daughters died.” As he stood there and grieved and looked at the place where his children were now buried in the sea— 17:00 —he wrote the words to this song, and I have loved this song ever since I heard that story. I want you to take this with you—because this is what the Holy Spirit does for us. This is what God wants for us. He wants us to know that He is enough—no matter what—and when He is enough we can say, “It is well with my soul.” [Audrey Assad singing]  “When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea billows rollWhatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say It is well, it is well with my soul.” 18:00  “It is well With my soul,It is well, it is well with my soul.” [Studio] Bob: That is Audrey Assad and the song “It Is Well with My Soul,” which—whether you're dealing with challenges from the past or in the present or fear about the future—you can remember that when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever your lot God has taught you to say, “It is well with your soul.” 19:00 Dennis: Bob, that is Barbara's favorite song. She's talked about in her message God being enough for our past, our present—and yes, Bob, sometimes, too—we look out to the horizon and we're not quite sure what's out there. I can just tell you, Barbara and I—we've lived a few days here in the past six months looking out to the horizon because—as you know—we stepped out of leadership of FamilyLife—and God is guiding us and taking steps of faith—trusting Him that He is enough and He has a plan for our lives.  This is just what I've been learning, okay? You never outgrow your need for faith. This message Barbara gave—it's not theory—she's talking about our future, and we're both looking at each other going, “How does this work?” We have felt for a number of years that FamilyLife—in order to reach the next generation—needed a younger leader.  20:00 David and Meg Robbins are those leaders. Many people say, “Congratulations on your retirement!” And I say, “No, no, no, no. We did not retire—we refired.” Bob: Yes. Dennis: Now, the question is—where are we refiring toward? Bob: Right. Dennis: We are going to have fun—but we are going to be about what God is up to in this generation. Bob: There's nothing in life that is certain other than the fact that there is a God who loves you and who has promised to never leave you or forsake you—He'll be with you. That's where our hope lies, and that's where we have to find our peace in the midst of uncertainty about the future. Dennis: I don't know who we're talking to and where they are in life, but let me tell you, you're not the only person going through something like you're experiencing right now. Everybody has a story. Some of them are epic—they're huge—they're big. I mean, you're facing a major fork in the road. Don't try to do it on your own. 21:00 The message of the Bible is God does love you—He does have a plan for your life—He has ordered your steps. You may wonder—as you step out in faith, “Will He be there?”—but that's the promise of the Psalms. I don't think I've ever spent more time in the Psalms than I have in the past six months, to just read the Psalms, meditate on the truth about who God is, and write my thoughts down as I go.  That's not solving all my problems, it's not settling all the issues, it doesn't mean there aren't moments of angst and worry and anxiety and frustration—but what's your alternative? What are you going to do? Are you going to try to control it yourself? That's not a good path—not at all. Bob: Yes. I'm sitting here thinking about somebody who may have a friend who is going through a time of doubt or discouragement. They may want to send a copy of Barbara's message to their friend. 22:00 You'll find the entire message available online at FamilyLifeToday.com. I want to mention, you and Barbara have just completed work on your book, The Art of Parenting. We don't have copies of it yet—but it is due in from the publisher sometime this month.  We want to make it available to our FamilyLife Today listeners as soon as it arrives, and here's what we're asking—during the month of August, we've had a friend of the ministry who has come along and said he will match any donation we receive as an end-of-summer donation. He will match it up to 500,000 dollars. So, if you can make a donation today in support of all that we're doing here at FamilyLife, your donation will be doubled—and as soon as we receive Dennis and Barbara's new book we'll send a copy to you as our thank you gift for supporting the ministry. You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com—you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. 23:00 Or you can mail your donation—along with your request for the book—to FamilyLife Today, Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas; our zip code is 72223. Speaking of The Art of Parenting, there are a lot of couples, a lot of churches that are forming small groups or putting together church classes to go through The Art of Parenting™ video series this fall. There are some churches that are kicking off the event by showing our movie, “Like Arrows,”—the movie that was in theaters back a few months ago. If you'd like more information about The Art of Parenting video series, the eight-part series, and the movie that can be used as a kickoff event, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and the information is all available there. You can also sign up for the 30-day Parenting Prayer Challenge. As your kids head back to school, we want to prompt you every day with things you can be praying for as your kids get ready for the new school year. The prayer prompts are free. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com— 24:00 —for more information about the Prayer Challenge or about The Art of Parenting video series. We hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday, when we're going to hear from Brian Houseman about how we can be tech-savvy parents—and I think a lot of us could use some help with that; right? We'll talk about it Monday. Hope you can be with us for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you on Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com