The Divorce Course Podcast

Coercive Control While Separated Under One Roof: How to Survive It | The Divorce Course Podcast (Part 2)

Listen to this episode if… You keep asking yourself "is it me, or are they controlling?" The examples online always sound more extreme than what you're living You're walking on eggshells but second-guessing whether you're allowed to feel that way You've been told to "just set boundaries" but it only seems to make things worse You want to understand coercive control from both a psychological and a family-law angle Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Warning This is general education – not legal advice or a psychological diagnosis. It discusses coercive control and abuse. If you're in danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14. Episode Summary "Is it me, or are they controlling?" That question ran under almost every message you sent in – so we turned it into a six-part series, and this is Part 1. Laura and Lyn are joined by clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova to answer the one nearly everyone asked: is this really coercive control? Krasi shares her three Ds (disrespect, disempowerment, distortion), explains why coercive control is a pattern and a function rather than a list of behaviours, and how good qualities like compromise and empathy get weaponised. Lyn explains how family law treats coercive control differently from the criminal courts. 00:00 – Is It Me, or Are They Controlling? 03:30 – What Best Illustrates Coercive Control?  04:30 – The Restaurant Metaphor: Pattern, Not a Checklist 06:00 – The 3 Ds: Disrespect, Disempowerment, Distortion 07:30 – Psychology vs Family Law: Section 4AB 09:00 – Family Court vs Criminal Court: Different Tests 10:00 – When You Lose Sight of What's Reasonable  12:00 – How Compromise & Empathy Get Weaponised 13:00 – When Your Ex Wasn't As "Extreme" as the Examples  16:00 – Is Anger & Yelling Coercive Control?  18:00 – Can It Exist Without Financial Control? 19:00 – Repeated Pressure & Monopolised Decisions ( 22:00 – Stonewalling, Delay & Deflection  25:30 – The PA Dynamic & Exploitation  28:00 – Needy or Controlling? How to Tell the Difference 30:00 – Blame-Shifting, DARVO & Perspecticide 33:00 – Infidelity, Guilt & Trying to Leave  39:00 – Silent Treatment as Punishment  43:00 – Why He Does Less When You're Sick  45:00 – Emotional Abuse vs Coercive Control 47:30 – Can the Main Breadwinner Be Controlled? 53:00 – Why Do They Do It? Can Survivors Heal?  58:00 – The Anxious, Controlling Attachment Style &  Have Your Say – Krasi's Conference Call-Out

Listen to this episode if… You feel like you're just reacting to whatever your ex or their lawyer throws at you You're exhausted, foggy, and making life-changing decisions while running on empty You can't tell anymore whether your choices come from your intuition or from fear You find it hard to speak up for yourself in mediation, in court, or even to your own lawyer You've lost a bit of yourself and want practical ways to feel grounded again You want to move from just surviving your divorce to actually flourishing through it This podcast is general information only  it is not legal advice. This episode touches on coercive control and post-separation abuse. If you or someone you know is in danger, call 000. For confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). If you're feeling stuck in survival mode reacting to every email, every legal letter, every move your ex makes this episode is the deep breath you've been needing. Laura is joined by Sonia Bestulic, award-winning author, speaker and wisdom teacher, whose book Flourish for Mums found Laura right in the middle of her own divorce. Together they unpack what survival mode actually is, why so many of us get stuck in it, and how to gently move out of it. 00:00 – Are You Stuck in Survival Mode During Your Divorce? 01:00 – Meet Sonia Bestulic: Author, Speaker & Wisdom Teacher 03:50 – "I Just Burnt Out": How Survival Mode Shows Up 05:30 – Why Your Mindset Can Affect Your Case as Much as the Law 07:00 – What Survival Mode Really Is (Fight, Flight, Freeze) 08:00 – The Lion Metaphor: A Fuel System Built for Short Bursts 09:30 – The Warning Signs You've Been in Survival Mode Too Long 10:50 – When Post-Separation Abuse Is Designed to Exhaust You 11:40 – The Three Anchors & Building Your Support Team 12:40 – Anchor One: Nourishing Your Intuition (Your Sacred GPS) 14:50 – Coercive Control & Learning to Trust Yourself Again 15:40 – The Morning Body Scan: 15 Minutes That Reset Your Day 18:30 – How to Tell the Difference Between Fear and Intuition 21:30 – Anchor Two: Energetic Integrity & Energy Hygiene 23:30 – Inner Boundaries: What's Mine to Carry and What's Theirs? 25:30 – Choosing When to Read That Email From Your Ex 26:40 – The Power of Nature to Recalibrate Your Nervous System 28:50 – Gratitude: The Highest-Frequency Circuit Breaker 30:00 – The Gratitude Candle & the Kindness Squirrel 32:50 – Anchor Three: Sacred Self-Advocacy 34:50 – Speaking Your Truth Without the Fight Energy 36:40 – Why Energy Speaks First (Even in the Witness Box) 40:40 – Daily Practices: Dance, Laughter, Music & Breath 43:50 – The Cup of Gratitude Ritual 45:40 – The Roots Metaphor: The Deeper the Roots, the Taller We Grow 48:40 – The One Thing You Can Start Today 49:50 – Where to Find Sonia & Her Books   1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) Lifeline — 13 11 14 Police — 000 (immediate danger) The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au The Divorce Course Empowerment Playlist — on Spotify Sonia Bestulic — books Flourish for Mums and Raising Empowered Humans: Unlocking Kids' Self-Leadership and Lifelong Flourishing (Amazon, global delivery). https://soniabestulic.com.au/  

Listen to this episode if… You're thinking about dating before your divorce, property or children's matters are final Your ex has a new partner and you're worried about parenting or property issues You're unsure how the court sees new relationships in family law matters You want to know what's okay, what's risky, and what doesn't matter at all Wondering if it's okay to date while your divorce is still in progress? You're not alone. In this episode, we unpack the legal, emotional, and strategic impacts of dating during divorce especially when children, property settlements, or court appearances are involved. Whether you've just met someone new, or your ex is already flaunting their next relationship, we break down how new partners can influence family law outcomes in both parenting and property matters. We cover the risks, realities, and misconceptions about what the court actually looks at and how to protect your position without putting your future on hold.

 Listen to this episode if… You're in a relationship or home where you feel unsafe You've left but still don't feel secure You're not ready to leave yet but want to prepare You're supporting someone who may be experiencing abuse You want to understand how to help a friend or loved one stay safe You have a court or mediation event you need to attend with an unsafe ex

Listen to this episode if… You're feeling emotionally overloaded Everyone around you has an opinion and it's stressing you out You're being pushed to make decisions faster than you're ready for You're not sure what's a legal deadline vs. emotional urgency You're feeling pressure from all sides to get things sorted You are overwhelmed    

Listen to this episode if… You're in the middle of a separation and unsure what advice to follow Friends, family, or Facebook have told you "what to do" You've heard you can't leave the house without losing everything You feel pressured not to bring up domestic violence You're confused about disclosure, super splitting, or property rights  

Listen to this episode if... You've been offered child inclusive mediation and don't know what to expect You're worried about how separation is affecting your child You're in a high-conflict co-parenting situation or dealing with coercive control You've been told that involving your child in mediation will "help" You want to make informed, child-centered decisions in your family law journey  

Listen to this episode if... You're newly separated and trying to figure out parenting arrangements. You don't have court orders yet and things are already getting tense. Your ex is unreliable, manipulative, or emotionally unpredictable. You're feeling pressured to agree to arrangements that feel unsafe or unfair. You want to avoid court but don't want to be taken advantage of. Trying to co-parent after separation without court orders? This episode offers a general discussion that may help you better understand the common challenges many face during this stage. Mum and I talk through the confusion, conflict, and emotional chaos that often arise when parenting without formal agreements in place. We explore how co-parenting typically unfolds in the early days post-separation, the general differences between parenting plans and court orders, and what can happen when one parent starts making sudden changes like; withholding time with the kids, shifting pick-up arrangements, or insisting on "rules" that were never agreed upon. If you're feeling unsure about whether to formalize your arrangements, being pressured into something that feels unfair, or just don't know where to start, this episode provides a helpful overview, insights, and discussion points to consider. Please remember this is not legal advice. Always speak with a qualified professional for advice on your specific situation.  

Listen to this episode if... You're divorcing  or separating from someone who owns or runs a business. You're in a family business with your ex and things are getting murky. You suspect your ex is hiding assets or undervaluing the business. You're overwhelmed by the complexity of business valuations in divorce. You're preparing for mediation or court and want to understand your options.  

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