Podcasts about Solvable

Losing Confidence After Stroke: Why It Happens and How to Get It Back Jaemin Frazer has spent nearly two decades and around 16,000 coaching hours on a single question: what is actually going on when a capable person stops trusting themselves? He founded The Insecurity Project to work on it directly. He is not a stroke survivor – and that turns out to be the reason this conversation is useful, because he arrives without any assumptions about what stroke recovery is supposed to look like. What he does have is a precise account of what happens to a person when their ordered world collapses, which is, more or less, the definition of a stroke. “I Just Want to Be Who I Was” Almost every survivor says some version of this. Six weeks out, six years out – the sentence barely changes. Jaemin’s response is to ask what is actually being requested. His answer: not the past. Certainty. They’re looking for certainty. They’re looking for comfort. They’re looking for safety. They’re looking through rose coloured glasses in many ways, because no one’s life was perfect before anything. That last part is the uncomfortable bit. The life you want back had its own problems. What memory offers is not a better life but a known one – and the nervous system will take known over good almost every time. Certainty Is the Real Request Humans need certainty the way they need food and shelter. We don’t function in chaos. But we also can’t get certainty from the outside world, because the outside world doesn’t have any to give. It never did. The stroke didn’t remove your certainty; it removed your ability to keep believing in it. Which leaves one option. As Jaemin puts it: The most resourceful form of certainty is to embrace uncertainty and back yourself. That distinction – external certainty versus internal certainty – is the whole conversation. When your sense of safety lives outside you, you have to control your circumstances to feel all right, and after a stroke your circumstances are largely uncontrollable. When it lives inside you, circumstances can do what they like. This is the same territory covered in stroke recovery mindset (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/stroke-recovery-mindset/), approached from a completely different angle. Self-Doubt Is Useful. Insecurity Is Not. Jaemin draws a hard line between the two, and it’s worth holding onto. Self-doubt is accurate information about a skill gap. If you can’t yet climb the stairs unaided, self-doubt is what stops you attempting it alone. It says nothing about your worth. It’s wisdom. Insecurity is different. Insecurity is the belief that a failure would expose something defective about you. Jaemin argues that most people misdefine it – it isn’t fear of judgement, failure, or rejection. It’s one level deeper: No one’s actually afraid of being rejected. They’re afraid of: if I put my best foot forward and it’s not enough, and then people don’t accept me – what does that confirm about my own inadequacy? The threat isn’t out there. It’s a verdict you’ve already passed on yourself, waiting for the world to co-sign it. What Insecurity Costs Your Recovery This is where it stops being philosophy. Jaemin frames insecurity as a resource problem. Proving yourself, defending yourself, covering and compensating – all of it consumes energy. When life is going well there’s enough spare capacity that you never notice the drain. After a stroke, there is no spare capacity. A stroke puts you into survival mode, and now you’ve got no resources to survive, because all your best resources are directed elsewhere to make sure no one sees your inadequacy. Survivors already know that fatigue after stroke is not ordinary tiredness. An injured brain rewiring itself is metabolically expensive. Every unit of energy spent managing how you appear to other people is a unit unavailable for healing. Attending to the emotional side of recovery isn’t separate from the physical work – it’s what frees up the capacity to do it. That connection runs through emotional recovery after stroke (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/emotional-recovery-after-stroke-dr-bradley-nelson/) as well. Why Your Friends Push Back Many survivors have to change how they live – what they eat, what they drink, where they go, who they spend time with. And many report losing friends over it. Jaemin’s framing here is bracing. Resistance from the people around you isn’t a malfunction. In any story worth telling, the character who transforms does so by overcoming obstacles, and those obstacles almost always arrive in the form of other people. Remove the resistance and nothing in the hero is enlarged. So when someone says you’ve changed and doesn’t mean it kindly, they are – without intending to – handing you the exact thing you need to become someone who no longer requires their approval. Grief and Insecurity Are Not the Same Thing This distinction matters, and conflating them causes real harm. Losing the use of a limb is a genuine loss. Grief is the appropriate response, and it deserves acknowledgement rather than management. The damage begins when the loss becomes a statement about your worth. I can’t run, therefore I’m not a runner, therefore who am I? That is no longer grief – that’s insecurity wearing grief’s clothes, and it needs a different response entirely. Survivors working through that identity question will recognise it in craniotomy stroke recovery and identity reset (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/craniotomy-stroke-recovery-identity-reset/), and it sits close to the ground covered in anxiety after stroke (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/anxiety-after-stroke/). That’s Not the Tragedy. That’s the Setup. The line Jaemin returns to twice in the episode is this: being lost and confused doesn’t disqualify you from a meaningful life. It’s what qualifies you to begin one. Nobody reaches adulthood with an accurate picture of who they are. Everyone arrives confused. The confusion isn’t damage to be repaired before you can start – it’s the starting position. This reframes the disorientation of early recovery as the opening move rather than evidence that something has gone permanently wrong. The same reframe underpins post-traumatic growth in stroke recovery (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/post-traumatic-growth-stroke-recovery/). And Jaemin is firm that this is solvable – not managed, not coped with. Solvable. Because the inadequacy you’ve been protecting everyone from isn’t real. It’s a conclusion you drew as a child and have been gathering evidence for ever since. There is no monster under the bed. Only the idea of one. Where to Start Start by being precise. When you catch yourself saying I lost my confidence, ask what you actually mean. Confidence at what? In front of whom? What exactly are you afraid would be revealed? Abstract language hides the levers. Precise language shows you where they are. Closing Links If this episode is useful to you, Bill’s book The Unexpected Way That A Stroke Became The Best Thing That Happened covers ten tools for recovery and personal transformation – you can find it at https://recoveryafterstroke.com/book. If you would like one-on-one support with your own recovery, you can apply at https://recoveryafterstroke.com/momentum. If this show has helped you, you can support it at https://patreon.com/recoveryafterstroke. Footer Disclaimer This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Please consult your doctor before making any changes to your health or recovery plan. Losing Confidence After Stroke – Jaemin Frazer (Interview) You don’t need your old life back. You need to trust yourself again – and Jaemin Frazer explains exactly why that feels impossible after stroke. Highlights: 00:00 Introduction – Losing Confidence After Stroke 08:54 Embracing Uncertainty and Personal Resourcefulness 20:43 The Role of Self-Doubt and Insecurity 38:26 Transformational Journeys: Overcoming Obstacles 46:14 The Hero’s Journey and Storytelling 52:07 Understanding Bullies and Personal Growth 59:21 The Role of Parents in Identity Formation 01:11:17 The Cost of Insecurity in Recovery 01:20:55 Finding Purpose Beyond Insecurity Transcript: Introduction – Losing Confidence After Stroke Jaemin (00:00) A stroke puts you into survival mode, and now you’ve got no resources to survive because all your best resources are directed elsewhere So then it costs you everything. It costs you your future. It costs you your ability to heal, to make sense of this, to come out the other side and reinvent or do whatever you need to be present for yourself. It’s a slow descent into madness really, if all your best resources are proving and defending, covering and compensating, then you stop being human, you stop being alive, you stop being present, you become hypervigilant around what others are thinking, and your world keeps getting smaller. Bill Gasiamis (00:35) Welcome back to Recovery After Stroke. I’m Bill Gasciamas. Before anything else, thank you to everyone supporting the show on Patreon, becoming a YouTube member, and to everyone supporting it in all other ways. Sharing episodes, leaving reviews, sending them to someone who needs them, buying the book. This show has reached over a million and a half downloads because of people doing exactly that. And I don’t take it for granted. If you’ve ever caught yourself saying, I just want to be who I was, this episode is going to sit with you for a while. My guest today is Jaemin Fraser. Jaemin is a coach, the founder of the Insecurity Project, a TEDx speaker, and as of this year, a novelist. He spent nearly two decades, around 16,000 coaching hours, on one problem. What happens to a person when they stop trusting themselves and what it costs them? Jaemin has not had a stroke. I want to be upfront about that because it’s the reason this conversation goes where it does. He came to it without any assumptions about what recovery is meant to look like. And what he brought instead is a very precise account of what happens to anyone whose ordered world falls apart overnight. We get into why wanting your odd life back is really a request for certainty. The difference between self-doubt, which is useful, and insecurity, which isn’t, why insecurity draws down the exact energy your brain needs to heal. What’s really going on when friends push back on your habits and why being lost and confused isn’t the tragedy, it’s the setup. Three quick things before we start, my book, The Unexpected Way That a Stroke Became the Best Thing That Happened, covers ten tools for recovery and personal transformation. It’s available at recoveryafterstroke.com/book. If you’d like one-on-one support with your own recovery, I walk I work with a small number of stroke survivors at a time. Structure, accountability, and genuine guidance from someone who’s been through it, you can apply at recoveryafterstroke.com/momentum. And if this show has helped you and you want to help me get to a thousand episodes, you can support it either as a YouTube member or by going to patreon.com/recoveryafterstroke. I want to make sure that No strike survivor. has to ever go through what I went through when I first started my recovery, and that was not having any information about how to proceed after I got sent home from hospital. Now it’s time for the interview. Bill Gasiamis (03:14) Jaemin Fraser, welcome to the podcast. Jaemin (03:15) Thanks for having me, Bill. Bill Gasiamis (03:17) Absolute pleasure, mate. I wanted to ask, actually I want to start with the person listening. They’re anywhere from six weeks to twenty years post stroke, right? and what they say is they want to be back to their old life. In your experience, when someone says, I just want to be who I was, what are they actually asking for? Jaemin (03:39) Hmm, well, I think they’re looking for certainty. They’re looking for comfort. They’re looking for safety. Yeah, they’re looking through rose colored glasses in many ways because no one’s life was perfect before anything. So the fantasy of if I could go back to where I was, it deletes a whole bunch of stuff around the reality of where you were in the first place. But I think that the desire is it’s certainty, safety, peace, comfort. That’s what a person is driven to find some way or other. Bill Gasiamis (04:16) W what do you think it is about certainty? A and what does that even mean? Like I There was, you know, before my experience with stroke, there wasn’t anything that was certain. Is it an illusion? Is certainty an illusion? Because I definitely don’t feel certain about anything going forward either. but kind of not in a bad way. Like I don’t have a bad relationship with the lack of certainty. It’s just. It i it’s just not real. Like I feel like it might be an illusion. Jaemin (04:53) Well, I love Anthony Robbins take on this. I think his six core needs model is his finest contribution to the personal development space and his earliest versions of this, because I think if you were to do a search, Tony Robbins six core needs, what you’re going to get today is an idea that there’s a hierarchy of needs. So you could do a test to work out which needs are most important for you based on your personality type. That’s not how we first introduced them. And I am convinced it’s not actually how it works. So just a quick summary. He says, doesn’t matter what age, what sex, what culture, what stage of life, because you’re human, just as important as food, shelter, clothing is the need for certainty. Firstly, we are creatures who do not survive in chaos. We need some sense of control, order. We thrive in the familiar. We need a sense of what’s happening next. So we organize ourselves and we find certainty. We cannot survive without it. Interestingly though, we also need uncertainty. these six needs operate in paradox. Piers, are you familiar with the six core needs? Bill Gasiamis (06:07) I’m not actually. Jaemin (06:08) and variety is the first two and they operate in paradox pairs. So certainty pulls you one way, but we also need variety. If you have 100 % certainty, you’re completely bored and Bill Gasiamis (06:18) Uh-huh. Jaemin (06:19) you would ruin things. You’d mess it up so that there would be something to do. So we need uncertainty, surprise, spontaneity, adventure. But if you have 100 Bill Gasiamis (06:30) You’d mess it up i is is is messing it up because you need uncertainty, is that that sounds like like self sabotage. Jaemin (06:41) Well, it is if it’s unresourceful. is if you haven’t, I mean, the aim of the game is to find high quality internal resource, ways to meet these needs. If you don’t find that, then unconsciously, you’ll still find a way to meet these needs and it will be through sabotage, dysfunction, know. So certainty and variety are the first two. The second two are significance and love. So all humans need a sense of significance, need to know, I matter? Am I more than just a name and number? Do I have value? Is there any point to me? Now that’s a journey away from the tribe because we’re also relational beings. So we don’t survive in isolation. We need love, belonging, connection, warmth, touch. So if you have 100 % love and connection, you lose your separateness. And if you have 100 % significance, then you’re completely lonely and isolated. But we do need both. Embracing Uncertainty and Personal Resourcefulness So certainty, variety, significance, love, and then the final two are contribution and growth. So humans do feel the need to make a difference, add value, give back, leave a legacy, solve problems. So contribution is about adding value to others. And then growth is adding value to yourselves, to ourselves. Every living thing grows, you either grow or die. So this is the need that drives us to do more, to have more, to see more, to expand our experience. one way shape or another. it’s a strange thing to need certainty back to certainty. It’s a strange thing to need certainty for survival in an uncertain world because you then can’t help but cling to things that aren’t really certain and try and control them. Cling to a job you don’t like, cling to a memory that feels familiar, cling to a relationship that’s dysfunctional. cling to stuff that you know, because it makes you feel certain and makes you feel safe. There’s a predictability around it. What you’re describing is not that you’ve done away with the need for certainty. It’s that you have a certainty in your ability to handle the real world. So you don’t need to cling to things being a certain way. You don’t need to force things to be back the way they were. You’re like, that’s ridiculous. Here I am now and I’m certain. that I am a resourceful person, a creative person, a good person, a clever person, I’ll work it out. The real world will happen to me. I’ll wake up, I’ll open my eyes and I’ll handle it. That’s what I’m certain about. So the most resourceful form of certainty is to embrace uncertainty and back yourself. Bill Gasiamis (09:26) To be certain about uncertainty. Jaemin (09:28) There be certain uncertainty. That is the only certainty. It’s, you there’s you think, what is certain? well, the sun’s going to come up tomorrow. For some people, it’s not. Some people, this will be the last sunrise they ever see. No one’s expecting that, but it happens. So we’re not entitled to any more time, any more opportunity. That’s not certain. It’s not guaranteed. So yeah, the only certainty is it’s all uncertain. So then you must find certainty within, and that will require you to examine your own. your your capability, your own resourcefulness and to grow up and mature in your own sense of who you really are. Bill Gasiamis (10:06) Yeah. I have this saying that I picked up from somewhere. Some dude in the Middle East, like I think in the 40s or 50s, said this thing. I forget his name. I I always wanted to remember his name so I can give him credit, but it goes like exp expect the best, prepare for the worst. And it kind of feels like that’s how I handled my uncertainty when, you know, the doctor turns up day one. Of a bleed in the brain diagnosis and says, gives you the most vague version of the diagnosis and said to me, there’s a shadow on your brain. It could be a cancer, it could be a sea it could be a tumor that’s benign, it could be a bleed in the brain. Like, any questions? And I was like, Well. Jaemin (10:57) There’s a few. Bill Gasiamis (11:01) I don’t know, at eleven PM on a Friday night. Maybe not. Let’s talk in the morning. but it’s like And then after that came a lot of uncertainty. We didn’t know what a family life was gonna be like. We didn’t like know what my work life was gonna be like. We didn’t know whether I’d be around. We didn’t know any of the things that I kind of knew the day before, which I took for granted that I knew, which was only that w without knowing that there’s something wrong in my head and that potentially I’m unwell, I knew that. Tomorrow was going to be pretty much the same as yesterday. And there’s going to be some movement in a couple of similar directions, maybe a few odd ones and different ones. And I suppose that expect the best prepare for the worst was me embracing uncertainty, the certainty of uncertainty. Does that saying kind of capture that spirit? Jaemin (12:03) It certainly does. However, the challenge is no surprise. I’m going to talk about insecurity being a challenge because then it comes back to them. But then what do you believe about yourself? You know, do you feel like you’re actually up for the challenge? Do you have the resourcefulness? What is the story you tell around your own capacity, your capability, your intelligence, your value? Because to fear inadequacy then undermines your confidence in your own ability to handle the real world. And therefore you must then cling to external certainty and long for things to go back the way they were so that you can be safe. Because you don’t trust yourself to be up for the challenge. Bill Gasiamis (12:50) Yeah. It’s a real interesting conundrum because before I was unwell I didn’t contemplate life, me and how I interact with life or the possibility of nail life. I didn’t I didn’t contemplate that whole relationship and then you’re thrust in it and it seems like people that I’ve interviewed at least the four hundred odd stroke survivors that I’ve interviewed have not got the resources backfilled in preparation for when that day comes, and then you feel inadequate, insecure, perhaps, whatever the word is, that you can even handle this. I’ve never met anyone who said, I know, I was 100% certain that I was going to handle this diagnosis from my doctors. Can you prepare for the worst? Like that whole going back to that statement again, that saying, is there a way that we can even prepare for the worst when we don’t even know what the worst is? Is it even is it sounds like it might be might be a futile pursuit? Jaemin (14:07) Whoa. I I think you and I here today are doing that exact thing, you know, with internal resourcefulness. We don’t know what tomorrow is bringing. So in some ways we are certain in our capacity to, you know, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. So that’s not futile. I don’t consider that futile at all. And I think that is the only job is to resource yourself for the real world, is to grow up, is to become mature. The way that I think about that is self-sufficiency. You when you’re young, you’re growing through stages of development and really learning self-sufficiency. Can you feed yourself? Can you dress yourself? Can you learn yourself? Can you drive a car? Can you earn money? And they’re all the things, physical, financial, self-sufficiency, but people are… seem, you know, it’s see when it comes to emotional, intellectual, psychological self sufficiencies, like what is that? How does that even work? And so they come into their adult world, being able to earn money, being able to drive a car, out, address themselves, you know, wipe their own ass. Great. But when it comes to validating their own existence, when it comes to sourcing their own certainty, when it comes to deeply loving and accepting themselves, when it comes to being the one that approves of themselves, that sees themselves. you know, adults are typically ill prepared for that, you know, stroke Bill Gasiamis (15:38) Mm-hmm. Jaemin (15:38) or no stroke. And so, you know, you know, we’re talking about when a stroke happens, but people have all kinds of catastrophes they’re not prepared for, you know, and things are fine because their ordered world is safe and predictable. And then next day it’s not. And they look inside and they’ve never developed the resources, the internal resources of adulthood that helps them stand solid when the world is falling around apart. about them. you know, primarily that is the work of the insecurity project. It’s these conversations around existential angst, which people don’t prepare for because their world’s ordered. But when your world falls apart, then you really see how unprepared you are to handle difficulty and the worst case scenario if you have not examined your own sense of who you are. Bill Gasiamis (16:29) Mm-hmm. The world being ordered, it can be ordered in a dysfunctional way as well, right? Jaemin (16:39) Well, that’s, yes, that’s exactly what happens because we need certainty. I love thinking about these six core needs as a vacuum. In our atmosphere, a vacuum is always filled. So someone says to me, I don’t need that much certainty. You know, I’m more of a risk taker, I’m adventurous, or they might, someone else might be the opposite. I need so much certainty, I’m very risk averse. you know, someone looks at one of my clients recently looked at me and says, you’re a free spirit. You’re adventurous. It’s different. It’s different from me. You know, I’m very analytical. I’m risk averse. I’m safety conscious. But if you zoom out and have a look at both of us, I need just as much certainty as that person. Exactly. I can’t survive without certainty. I can’t survive without order. It’s just that I’ve found a high quality, internal adult way to order my world so that I have internal safety. which then frees me to go into the world and experience uncertainty and play. Whereas this other person has not found an internal way to create order. So they’re clinging to all the dysfunctional external forms of order. Hate their Bill Gasiamis (17:47) Wow. Jaemin (17:47) job, relationships falling apart, don’t like their relationship with money, know, problems here, difficulties there, but it’s familiar. So I better cling to it because I know it. There you go, there’s some certainty for you. Bill Gasiamis (18:03) I love what you said, like that internal sense of certainty Jaemin (18:06) Hmm Bill Gasiamis (18:07) seems to be the biggest l skill lacking in many, many people. If you have internal sense of certainty, then you don’t have to control the outside world. You put the dishwasher plate in the wrong direction. You know, when we loaded the dishwasher, y this might be revealing. you park the car in the wrong bay, or you know, all these little things that people kind of cling to to make their world feel right if they see it like that. If everyone just did the task the way that they needed to do it, then I wouldn’t have a problem, right? But if you have internal certainty and you can be more flexible, I think Tony Robbins talks about being having multiple ways to be to be. being more flexible, then you realize that there are infinite number of ways that things can be loaded into a dishwasher, for example, even though there are certainly some ways that won’t be able to wash the dishes effectively, perhaps, but there are many ways, and the other person’s ways not necessarily the wrong way or the odd way or or the incorrect way, right? Jaemin (19:30) Yeah. Bill Gasiamis (19:31) I think I resonate with that immediately, that internal sense of certainty. And then the external world becomes easier to navigate. Is that is that Jaemin (19:44) Well, does because then play becomes possible and you don’t need things to be anything other than they are, know, good, bad or indifferent. You have an experience that looks terrible. Well, are you sure it’s terrible? Or could there be learning? Could there be a gift? Could there be an opportunity? Might you meet someone? Might your life change in an unexpected way? Like who’s to say a bad experience is actually a bad experience if you’re free to encounter it as it is. The Role of Self-Doubt and Insecurity That’s what becomes possible if you have internal safety and that you do back yourself to handle that. And I think it’s an abstract concept for most people because they’ve never faced their fear of their deep inadequacy. And so it’s always undermined. They would love to take internal certainty, but their conviction, if they’re really honest, and it’s hard to be honest, because this stuff gets pretty well suppressed. Their honest fear is that there is a problem with them. There is an inadequacy. They are not up to the challenge. So if they rely on themselves, they will be found lacking and wanting. So therefore they must look outside themselves. That’s their only option. Bill Gasiamis (20:53) Got it. You’ve worked with high performers for hundreds and maybe thousands of hours, right? if one of them walked into you into a meeting with you and said, I had a stroke and I lost my confidence, what what’s the first thing you ask them? Jaemin (21:15) What do you mean? That would be the first thing that I asked them. I understand a little about a stroke. think I would understand enough about that part of the sentence, but I’m more curious around the second part of the sentence. I love Jordan Peterson’s thinking in so many ways. And he says, listen, be precise in your speech because things that go unnamed become monsters that consume you. So that would be where I would start. What do you mean I lost this happened and that made me do this? Are you sure? That’s how it actually worked. What do you mean? Let’s have a look. Let’s have a look. So that’s my whole world is someone comes to me with a level of abstraction. They use language that’s abstract. And when you use abstract language, you cannot see any of the levers that can be pulled. And so you end up feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. When you be precise, when you have a look, you actually begin to see the mechanics, the structures that are actually influencing your experience. And when you see them precisely, the levers become apparent, like, I could actually adjust that. I could turn this, I could change this. Therefore now I’m back in control of my own experience of my reality. So yeah, that’s where I say, what do you mean? What are you talking about exactly? Bill Gasiamis (22:37) I love that. It’s it reminds me of when I hear the word the one of the most common words I hear in my interview, stroke recovery, stroke conversations. And I I’m specifically talking about stroke because that’s my niche, right? That’s my audience, that’s the podcast. But I know this is a situation kind of that I experience also broadly outside of my stroke podcast world. my children, others that I come across is I hear the word depression and anxiety. And it’s an umbrella word that people place on so many experiences and nobody ever even really knows if if I challenge if I have the permission and and I’m in a room with the right person to challenge them and ask them, well, do you do you know what the definition of depression is? And do you know what the definition of anxiety is? Nobody can really give you that. And they’ve taken a word and they apply it to an experience that may have been completely separate from the intended definition of a word like depression and anxiety. And I I kind of feel like that’s what you’re saying. Like somebody says, I’m I’m depressed, like, okay, like, why? How? How do you know that? Jaemin (24:00) It’s exactly anxiety is a great story because I go, well, hang on. How did you, how are you anxious? And anxiety requires a backstory to survive. So I’m curious, you know, are you anxious tying your shoes? No. how do you do not anxiety? Well, I don’t know. No one cares. I can’t fail. I’ve done it a million times. there you go. That’s interesting. So the, the areas that you are not anxious about, there’s no possibility of being found inadequate. Curious. So the areas you are anxious, you’re only anxious because there’s something about the activity you’re involved in, which you feel threatened, personally threatened that someone might see your flaw. So let’s not worry about the anxiety, it’s downstream. Tell me about this perceived flaw. Tell me about this thing that you think is wrong with you. Are you sure that’s even there? The great humor of my work in the same as what you’re saying, know, insecurity. Talking about fear, my first question to people, what are you afraid of? And no one knows. People are experiencing fear. They can tell you that much. So what you’re running and hiding, but what are you running and hiding from? yeah, it’s just this, you know, I just feel so, like, okay, interesting. So you’re running and hiding. What about if we go and have a look at what it is you’re running and hiding from? You might be surprised. In fact, You will be surprised. promise you it’s not what you think it is. And you’ve just been running and hiding for so long. You’ve just become convinced that there’s a thing here that you ought to keep running and hiding from. I’m not so sure. Bill Gasiamis (25:41) Yeah. That what are you afraid of? That’s a very interesting question. Again, you know, I find myself in the hot seat here. And every time I ventured down something new, it was interesting now ’cause I’m reflecting like how often insecurity came up. You know, the first few episodes of the podcast were, my God, people are going to judge it, they’re gonna say it’s no good, you don’t know how to interview, all that kind of stuff. And the the best thing to do was just put it out there. And if somebody did say that was handle it. And if somebody didn’t say that, well then there was nothing to handle. So just do it anyway. And I remember then also with my book, I’m not an author. I did I’m not a scholar. I’ve never done any of that stuff. But I wrote my first book, The Unexpected Way That a Stroke Became the Best Thing That Happened. It’s a pretty loaded title. And I knew it was gonna ruffle some feathers. But I put it out there and the very first comment that I got from the very first post that I made was a negative one. And what I realized was that pattern was similar in that when I started the podcast, I had the exact same concern that it might happen and it did. People did give me negative feedback. But then it seems to me now now that I’ve learnt a few times, you know, what happens when you put yourself out there for the first time when you tell the world this is what I’ve created, you know, I’m sharing my creation is part of the journey has to be something that’s gonna test your insecurity. It might not be a negative comment or so but it but it might be like bad sales or it might be nobody listens or whatever. So it sounds like insecurity is necessary in some cases to kind of overcome, to tackle it, to overcome it, so that you can be better at tackling it and overcoming it and achieve more things. Do you know what I’m saying? Did I explain that correctly? Jaemin (27:54) Yeah, I think I understand. I don’t think I agree with you though. Bill Gasiamis (27:58) Okay. Jaemin (27:59) So here’s how I’d think about it. I’d separate self-doubt and insecurity into slightly different categories. Bill Gasiamis (28:07) Okay, so you picked up self doubt there. Jaemin (28:10) So, so self doubts are really important quality of wisdom. So for instance, I’ve got a mate who races super bikes, you know, say he got injured this weekend and he says, Jaemin, you know, there’s still four rounds left. Can you sub in for me and race my super bike next week? And I’m like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I’ve never raced a super bike before. I do have a motorbike license, but you know, if I didn’t have severe self doubt, I’d be delusional. I’d be a crazy person and I would be, you know, dangerous to myself and the world. So self doubt doesn’t, doesn’t tell me I’m a bad person. It just highlights the limit of the things I’m good at. So, so the real function of self doubt to me is more what you’re describing. It’s, it’s the limit says, you’re not actually very good at this. Now that doesn’t say anything about your essence, your value and your worth. Would you like to be good at this? And I go. Actually, no, great. Well, then don’t do it. Don’t do it because it’ll go bad. I’m like, Yeah, I’d actually like to be good at it. excellent. Well, you have a massive skill gap. So go take however long to learn the skills and fill the skills so that you can come back with genuine confidence with earn confidence so that you could compete in this arena and do well. That’s that’s a wisdom conversation. Now insecurity is this personal piece. It’s like, I’m gonna put myself out there. people are gonna judge, laugh, critique, and then they’ll see who I really am. They will see my flaws, my flaws, my inadequacies will now be exposed to the world. Now it’s personal. And so to me, the definition of insecurity is really important here because people think insecurity is somehow related to the fear of what others think about them, the fear of being judged, the fear of failing, the fear of being rejected. Bill Gasiamis (30:04) Hmm. Right. Jaemin (30:05) Really imprecise. That’s not that’s not insecure at all. It’s just one or two levels deeper than that. You know, say for instance, the fear of failure, which is a typical one. And no one’s actually afraid of failing. They’re afraid of the personal implications of failure. I if I try my best at something, and then it doesn’t work. Huh? What have I just revealed to the world about me the problem with me? Same as rejection. No one’s actually afraid of being rejected. They’re afraid of, if I put my best foot forward and it’s not enough, and then people don’t accept me, huh, what does that reveal? What does that prove? What does that confirm about my own inadequacy? So then insecure. Bill Gasiamis (30:47) about what I about what I think are my inadequacies. Because it’s not about the other Jaemin (30:50) Exactly, that’s insecurity. Insecurity is… Bill Gasiamis (30:53) person’s thinking, it’s me, what I think, and then they’re confirming my inadequacy that I’ve Jaemin (30:56) confirming it. That’s it. That’s it. Bill Gasiamis (30:58) generated and created, which is not even real. Jaemin (31:01) That’s exactly right. That’s the thing, which is hilarious. But when you see that now the levers become apparent, because if the fear is out there, then you got to control the world constantly and obsess about it. But if the fear is here and you created it, then the levers are very apparent. You could then go examine this perceived inadequacy, trace it back to when you first described it and examine it at its roots. Like you could go on a structural engineering quest back into the the substance of your own sense of you, the language you’ve used to describe yourself and check it, check it for integrity, check it for gaps, check it for misunderstandings. Like that’s the fun of what I get to do. It’s take what appears to be abstract, mysterious, messy, unknowable and treat it like a structural engineer just by examining the structure of language. Bill Gasiamis (31:57) People don’t do that much, do they? Jaemin (31:59) No, no, no. And people are insecure about being insecure. So like when I launched the insecurity project, my business coach said, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Like you’ve picked the most difficult, scary topic and put it at the front. No one’s going to be putting their hands up saying, Jay, when I’m insecure, can you help me? Like it’s existential angst. It’s the human condition. We want to be good. We’re just afraid that we’re not. So we run and we hide and we cover and compensate. So yeah, it’s a hard topic to face and yet the great joke is there’s no actual reason for it to be hard other than the confirmation bias we’ve given ourselves buying into our own bullshit, confirming our own fiction, exasperating our own misunderstanding. So there is no monster under the bed. It’s just the idea of a monster that terrifies us. Bill Gasiamis (32:55) we influenced in that way by external sources or is that a a human a human thing like that that we are kind of pre-programmed to do just because of that whole safety issue because you know safety comes in in a variety of different things. You know, you have to be safe from people entering your home, you know, back in the day and harming you and your family and taking your belongings. If you’re in a war torn area, you have to be safe from, you know, the invaders and that kind of stuff. But also this discussion that we’re having seems to me, as you keep going into those little beautiful deep places, it seems to me that Again, it’s about us creating like many barriers of safety around us and thinking that that’s the perhaps not even thinking like in just instinctively creating this kind of like multi layered safe structure that we can’t be harmed in. Jaemin (34:06) brilliant way of describing it. And that is the instinct. We are hardwired for safety. You cannot like this idea, more courage, less fear, feel the fear and do it anyway. It’s such a nonsense as though you could turn off your need for safety. Bill Gasiamis (34:20) Mm-hmm. Jaemin (34:21) It’s chemical, it’s biological, it’s psychological, it’s unconscious. And that as the child, the child starts in a very carefree, non-transactional experience of being themselves. I’m just here, not. doing the dishes and not mowing the lawn and not contributing to my ecosystem in any way, shape or form. And yet I’m being rewarded, loved, nurtured, cared for, praised, fed. Hmm, turns out it’s fine to be me. I can be relaxed and at ease being me, me as I am without performing, without achieving, without contributing is enough. Great. And then, then you, you know, you get somewhere past two, you know, somewhere around that the game breaks down. And all of a sudden you’re expected to participate, to perform, to conform, to behave. And no child’s prepared for that. No one’s ready for that. Such a surprise. And so the first time the child gets surprised, embarrassed, disappointed, upset, scolded, it’s such a confusing experience, but all the alarm, those safety warning lights are going off through their whole being. There’s a danger you didn’t know about. You. must pay attention and here’s the thing the danger is in you the danger is you’re not who you need to be to survive in this world so don’t be you ever again like be other than you be better than you be different than you do not ever show up present and unguarded ever again or it will turn to shit so yes it’s safe so then you build this safe world this safe persona these safe structures these familiar places where people think you’re good, think you’re smart, think you’re strong. Also, they never see the thing that you don’t want them to see, which would be the ultimate danger and then you die. Yeah, it’s entirely about a biological, chemical, psychological need for safety that is unavoidable. Bill Gasiamis (36:21) Hmm. It what came up in my mind while you were chatting about that is often stroke survivors need to make some radical changes in their life, the way they go about their nutrition, who they hang out with, the stuff they listen to and read, the whole the whole thing. Like, know, it’s sometimes it’s a line in the sand moment and everything changes, and you’ve got to change everything I did. And One of the challenges that stroke survivors have, well, I’ll talk about me. I had the challenge of, well, I needed to stop smoking and I needed to stop drinking. But all my extended family and friends were smokers and drinkers. And stroke survivors often comment about how they lose friends after a stroke. And we’re I and I’ve kind of tried to unravel that a few times and understand what it is that makes it difficult for people to evolve and and adapt and grow and stop the behaviors that perhaps led to a stroke, you know, so that they don’t have another one. And family and friends often do that. They kind of intervene in a way which says, Well, what do you mean we can’t have a drink when we go out? Like that’s we always go and have a drink. And then that person has has to explain themselves, perhaps, or conform again, just to be part of the group. The question is, are we also dealing with the insecurities of our family and friends when we find a way to overcome our own insecurities, perhaps, about something, and then we start to change and evolve and move forward? Are they are those people feeling like Transformational Journeys: Overcoming Obstacles They’re left behind. Th sometimes the sometimes the sentences that people hear when they try and stop smoking or drinking in a particular situation are you’ve changed. You know, like it’s a bad thing. But it’s not said in a positive way. People experience it on both sides of the coin in a negative way. The person who’s saying to their friend who’s had a stroke, who’s trying to not have another one, is saying, You’ve changed and I don’t like the way you’ve changed. And the person changing is hearing I’m changing and now people are having a bad experience because I’m changing. Like What’s all that about with that other person in our life? Jaemin (38:59) Such a great question. Can I, genuine question, can I take five minutes to answer that question? Bill Gasiamis (39:07) You can, absolutely. Jaemin (39:09) because I think this opens up a possibility for a window into a whole different experience of life if you’re willing to go down this thought experiment. Bill Gasiamis (39:23) I am. Let me switch my header off. It’s getting too hot in here. Jaemin (39:31) So I’ve just finished writing my first novel. It’s a five year project. I thought it was impossible. And then it out it wasn’t. It turns out I learned a lot about myself and the process of writing. And it’s been a thoroughly delightful experience. But great storytelling, great fiction writing typically follows some kind of hero’s journey trajectory. You’ve got a small, weak, lost, strange hero who for whatever reason says yes to a cold wood venture and embarks on a journey of self-discovery and eventually has to go do the thing that only they can do along the way they meet a wisdom character. You know, there’s a Gandalf, there’s a Yoda, there’s a Dumbledore, Mr. Miyagi, but eventually the hero’s got to go face the biggest fear and do the thing that’s impossible. And when they do, they come out the other side transformed and then they return home with that transformation and their whole world benefits. So, so it is the process of transformation. It’s the process of potential. It’s the process of destiny. It’s the process of seeing a person fulfilled in their experience of themselves. So a writer is bringing you in, in along for that journey. Now, if the writer transforms the hero magically or supernaturally, it’s a horrible story. You know, if the writer goes, you know, here’s the weak person. They went to sleep and they woke up the next day transformed. Who knows what happened. It was just, you’re like, really? What’s the point of that story? Like, that’s a horrible story. If the transformation happens in a way that’s supernatural or magic, it’s false. The transformation happens through overcoming of obstacles. The weakling becomes strong by overcoming resistance. And the resistance is almost always through the form of characters. So the writer says, stage, write the bully and to stage, write the villain, the parent, the trickster, the joker, the judge, the king, like, and so the hero doesn’t know the story is being written about them. And so experiences all these characters very personally and wishes the characters would go away. But the audience kind of sees the gift in the character, sees the opportunity. You know, when the audience sees a bully harassing a victim, what the audience is rooting for is that the victim would rise up and punch the bully in the nose. And something transformational happens if that victim ever does, you know, they actually then receive the bully’s gift. All along the bully had this gift of personal power delivered in the form of oppression. And because the victim had to find such deep strength that they didn’t even know existed to rise up and finally say this ends here, they’ll never be the victim again. And so in that way they’re transformed. So you could make a case to go, thanks, bully for being a good bully because you made my life so hard. I didn’t think it was possible to overcome you. Thank you. It’s not personal. So a writer then is not going to write an empathetic bully, you know, a very emotionally intelligent, compassionate, they’re going to write a thug. They’re going to write a dullard. They’re going to write someone who’s big and does not change. And even though the, the hero wants to bully the change. If the bully changes, if the bully goes to a spiritual retreat and comes home and change man and then apologizes and makes it up to the victim, it’s kind of nice, but the audience is going, but the victim didn’t have to become stronger in any way. So they’re still just as strong and the next bully is coming and they’re no better prepared. So all that to say, love, I love treating our own lives like this hero’s journey story. I love gamifying the experience. I love going. You know, this insecurity, a lot of people think if only I had a different experience at childhood, then I wouldn’t be so insecure now. If only there weren’t so many difficult people blocking my path, then it would be easier for me. Like, what, do you mean? Like that’s, that’s not the tragedy. That’s the setup. That’s how the game begins. Like that’s how the tensions created so that you have a gift of being able to overcome. So these people exist for you. And yes, they’re in your way. Great. Yes, they’re making it hard. Perfect. But we only play hard games. Like if you’re, you’re playing footy and it’s, you know, last year’s premieres versus the under 10s girls side and you win, you, that’s a very embarrassing experience. Like you don’t eat. That’s a horrible thing. You, know, this year’s premieres, you know, sorry, last year’s premieres versus the team that’s got undefeated this year and you win that game. You know, that’s, that’s a meaningful experience. and yeah, I love this idea that everyone comes into their twenties and thirties lost and confused. And most people are really upset about that. Wishing that their experience up till then had been different and feeling disqualified from a meaningful life because of what’s happened, because of who said this and who’s done that. But if you just zoom out and say it like a hero’s journey or a beautiful game, then then you realize, no, no, no, being lost and confused, oppressed, you know, that doesn’t disqualify you. That’s what qualifies you to go play. Now you can begin, now you can begin this journey of self-discovery to go all the way back to the beginning and see who you’ve always been all along. So it’s a very different way of thinking about life, but I’m constantly confronted with people who treat the stuff that’s happened to them as wounds. And the best you could ever hope for is that eventually you could bring healing to yourself and it become a visible scar that doesn’t really afflict you. Whereas this says, yeah, what if those things, what if life doesn’t happen to you? It happens for you. And the real gift is your own opportunity to rediscover who you’ve always been by overcoming obstacles and especially in the form of people and especially in the form of insecure people. who of course are going to make your journey difficult. Of course, you know, not everyone’s cheering you on. Eventually the heroes got to go alone. Eventually they’ve got to. If they don’t go alone, then they can’t do the thing that only they can do. The Hero’s Journey and Storytelling Bill Gasiamis (46:01) Yeah. Man, that was well well worth the f the the time that you allocated to answer it because it’s such an important part of recovery after anything. and In fact, I learnt about the Heroes Journey after my brain surgery. So we’re talking about I don’t know. I think I got out of hospital for after brain surgery in late 2014. And I think it was around 2017 I did a particular course that I was in. It was a behavioral modeling course and it was about modeling a behavior that we thought was one worth other people learning and repeating. And the The person who was running the course, awesome friend of mine and mentor and teacher, a gentleman called Marvin Oka, he spoke about the hero’s journey as part of this course to teach us about like how to tell a story. And I hadn’t grasped the concept very well. but because of that course, my first book was able to become a reality. It took four years for me to. make that happen. And I released it in twenty twenty twenty three, somewhere there. And since then I’ve done a bit of a deep dive into the hero’s journey and understanding how to take people through a story. And my next book is structured that way. There’s a moment where life is quote unquote normal and then there’s an event and then there’s everything, you know, there’s been a spanner thrown in the works and everything is not like it used to be. And now there is this post-traumatic growth experience that you can go on. And if you know you’re going on it, it’s easier to go on it. But some people are not aware that they might be going on this journey. They’re just programmed from a previous way of doing life that these things are all terrible and bad and they’re not good. And there’s no growth and there’s no learning and there’s no opportunity. But there but there is, but we just framed it. in our past way of thinking and that’s not applicable now, even though we’re still trying to apply it, apply it, apply it. And what you said about the the bully, I remember at school, if if I was a victim, bullies used to seek me out like like a mosquito knows who to go and sting, right? Jaemin (48:40) Yeah Bill Gasiamis (48:42) But then the first bully I punched in the nose was was it. That was the key to unlocking the whole how other people perceived me in those types of situations. And then none of the bullies turned up to have a go because they weren’t gonna get or or perhaps they saw that my response was going to affect their insecurities about themselves. Right. and realistically when I was going through stroke, stopping smoking, stopping drinking, stopping attending the particular venues where smoking and drinking happened so that I can avoid smoking and drinking. It meant that certain people couldn’t associate with me anymore. And It’s not that they were bullies, but when I learnt how to manage that situation once, the others that now I that I now interact with don’t require us to interact in a way that includes smoking and drinking in a particular venue. We can have just as meaningful interactions without the smoking and drinking, without being in that venue, just being in a different location. Doing a different thing. And and there’s no n and and no one feels bad about that interaction. I don’t feel about bad about it because I’m not partaking in something that the other person wants me to partake in. And the other person’s not feeling bad because they’re partaking in something that I’m not partaking in. And we’re there for the same reason. We’re there for the catch up. We’re not there for the smoking and the drinking. Jaemin (50:26) Yeah, and that’s often the way when you break through an archetypal character, a bully is a great example. It’s not uncommon that there becomes a level of respect, a mutual respect post that violence or post the standing up for yourself. And it’s not unheard of that bullies and victims become friends and respect each other. And so there Bill Gasiamis (50:50) Mm. Jaemin (50:50) must become a line in the sandwich like, whatever it costs me, If I, you know, the smoking drinking example, if you never talked to me ever again, if you cannot, then that will be okay. But I cannot go here ever again. And I won’t and you cannot make me and I won’t be made. And so there it is. Great. That your audience is watching that cheering. Yes, transformed. Never be victim again. And then on the other side of that, it’s often surprising what happens in those relationships. And it’s not uncommon for mutual respect, even though It’s not guaranteed and you have to be willing to let go of it completely. Because yeah, the hero’s got to go alone. Bill Gasiamis (51:33) we we’re talking about it like, you know, you know, we’re kinda having a a t a philosophical conversation, an intellectual conversation. We’re doing all of this stuff. And I remember being literally on the football pitch fighting with a kid, and then once we’d thrown the punches and everyone had done what they had to do in that moment, it was are we are we done? All good? And and it was. We were done. And we were all good. And it was instinctive. Like I wasn’t even ten years old or eleven years old or something. And yeah, then we got along forever. Understanding Bullies and Personal Growth Jaemin (52:08) A quicker side, but on the very same thread, if you keep thinking about characters like archetypes, do you know the hardest, but the most exciting, the most wonderful and the most, the biggest opportunity that the person in your life or the people in your life to treat as characters, not the bullies, any idea what makes the top of my list in terms of the characters with the biggest opportunity for growth. Bill Gasiamis (52:39) Just I’m kinda drawn to say family, my family, but Jaemin (52:42) family and parents make the top of the list. And I think Bill Gasiamis (52:46) Yeah, right. Jaemin (52:47) Sigmund Freud’s greatest contribution was that the nest is the hardest challenge for the human to break free from the nest is number one. And all this function ultimately comes from the nest, the familial relationships, exerting unconscious pressures from the parent of the child and the child with the parent outliving their usefulness. And so But in the same way, like no victim when they’re being bullied wants to see it like an archer, like wants to say it like a gift. They want to be rescued or they want the bully to change. It’s impossible to face a bully. Same with the parents. It’s like, don’t understand. This is my dad. You don’t understand. Like it’s just, you know, blood is thicker than water. You got to be there for family. Like it’s just how it’s Bill Gasiamis (53:30) Mm. Jaemin (53:30) always been. The way my parents make me feel like no one wants that tension. and would hope that the tension just goes away. But if you see it like a great story, it provides the greatest opportunity for your own sovereignty. You know, the bully’s gift is personal power. The parent’s gift is sovereignty. Because when you were born into their world, it’s like you’re born into a kingdom, king and queen on the throne, and it’s their arbitrary rules. In this world, this is how we do it. You don’t like it, bugger off down the street. But here, you know, do this, don’t do that. Why, dad? Don’t ask why, just do what I say. So the parental relationship, parents are right even when they’re wrong. And that’s a really important distinction for the nature of those relationships. And so you are a subject inside a kingdom, their rules, their map of the world, their right, even when they’re wrong. And it’s incredibly hard to break free from that to create your own map of the world and Bill Gasiamis (54:29) Mm. Jaemin (54:29) for you to be the king. But if you see it like a setup and a game, well then, Freud says, you must live as though your father is dead. You must depose the king. So Bill Gasiamis (54:42) Mm. Jaemin (54:42) if the king gets off the throne, if the king bows down to you, if the king goes, you your map of the world now is better than my map of the world, your way of thinking is better than my way of thinking, then there’s no challenge, there’s no resistance to overcome. So my favorite way of describing the role of the parents then is actually, It’s not to love and support and empower. They might do all that, but their central function in the hero’s journey is to confuse you about who you really are. Bill Gasiamis (55:12) Wow. Jaemin (55:13) so that the game can begin. Like everyone comes into their 20s lost and confused and the primary confuses our parents because they impose their map of the world. They have their own sense of who you are and what you ought to do. And it doesn’t suit a single person to be born into the family they’re born into. And yet here you are having to adapt and fit in to a pre-existing ecosystem with rules, values, culture, and then you’re given that name. So it’s like, You are this, this is who you are. It’s like, no, it’s just a bit of Bill Gasiamis (55:46) Wow. Jaemin (55:47) language like Jaemin Fra- I’m not Jaemin Fraser. What do you mean? Like, I was born into a family and those words were put on me. That’s not who I am. And so the confusion of growing up thinking that’s exactly who I am, this is the limit of my experience of life. And I cling to this as my whole certainty. is so wonderful because it’s the ultimate resistance to break out of, to examine the structure of that, to examine the confusion and really go back and reparent yourself and really be the one who actually knows who you’ve always been and to nurture that into the real world and then to become sovereign. And you know you’re sovereign when you become the one who’s right, even when they’re wrong. So you’ve got friends and family saying, what do you mean? It’s not. You need to be able to have a smoke. got to be able to drink. That’s what everyone does. Not in my kingdom, we don’t. In my kingdom, Bill Gasiamis (56:39) Mm. Jaemin (56:39) we don’t smoke and we don’t drink. You’re an idiot. That’s stupid. Well, I’m the king and this is my sovereignty. And if you want to come play in my world, this is how it works. And so, so many people are faced with those challenges. Then they keep pulling back from the edge because of their relational cost, hoping, wishing the world would go easier on them. But if you see it like a story in a game, it’s like, it’s a setup. It’s all a setup. So you could be the one who unconfuses yourself by having to overcome the relational resistance in your world and discover who you’ve always been. Bill Gasiamis (57:15) And we know it innately because we’ve all had that dad, mom, whomever, like I did what I had to do when I was in your house. Now this is my house. Now they this is how it applies. If you don’t Jaemin (57:26) Yeah. Yeah. Bill Gasiamis (57:27) like it, you don’t like it. Like I’ve actually thrown my dad out of my house in my twenties, when we moved out because my wife and I got married and we had kids and whatever, and they’d come over and visit to see the grandkid. You know, my dad would do the whole over helicopter grandparenting, you know. You know, the kids cold or the kids this and the kids that, you know, we lived this with this kid twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for five, six years, you know, like we knew its needs, you know, my my son’s needs. And my dad just wouldn’t have it that we what we were saying wasn’t that we were saying was correct or was okay or was fine or whatever, you know, we were it was everythi

What happens when frustration quietly turns into contempt—and what does that mean for the future of your relationship? In this conversation, we sit down with relationship therapist and author Zach Brittle to unpack one of the most destructive dynamics couples experience and why it's often misunderstood.Together, we explore where contempt comes from, how unrealistic expectations and unspoken needs fuel disconnection, and what it really takes to rebuild trust and intimacy. If you've ever wondered whether your relationship is stuck in a painful cycle—or how to shift it—this episode is full of practical insights that will challenge the way you think about connection.Episode Highlights[0:03] – Welcoming Zach Brittle and introducing why contempt is one of the biggest threats to healthy relationships.[1:20] – The Gottman Method, the Four Horsemen, and why contempt stands apart from the rest.[5:25] – How contempt develops over time and why it's far more than simply feeling annoyed with your partner.[7:50] – Expectations, comparison, and the hidden ways resentment begins to grow.[10:37] – Solvable versus perpetual relationship problems—and why acceptance matters.[13:19] – Losing positive sentiment and how couples begin viewing everything through a negative lens.[15:50] – Recognizing the warning signs before contempt becomes the default dynamic.[18:40] – The importance of asking clearly for what you need instead of expecting your partner to read your mind.[20:41] – When your needs aren't being met: accepting reality, setting boundaries, and making difficult relationship decisions.[22:08] – Why trying to "win" or change your partner often creates even more distance and frustration.[24:27] – A memorable analogy using sexual communication to explain why direct feedback strengthens connection.[26:13] – What being a responsive partner really looks like and why assumptions get couples into trouble.[28:36] – The "pasta and mailbox" examples: how neutral everyday actions can be interpreted through either appreciation or resentment.[30:02] – Negative sentiment override, confirmation bias, and why we often assume the worst of the people we love.[32:00] – Challenging the stories we tell ourselves and taking responsibility for how we show up in conflict.[35:28] – Practical ways to intentionally cultivate appreciation and prevent resentment from becoming contempt.[36:52] – Zach shares his latest book, his Substack, final relationship wisdom, and where listeners can connect with him.Links & ResourcesMarriage Therapy Radio Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio/id1295458667Zach Brittle's Books: https://zachbrittle.com/writing/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagetherapyradioIf today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here's to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

David D. Friedman is an anarcho-capitalist economist. He is the author of The Machinery of Freedom, Future Imperfect, and several other books. Topics we discuss are well captured by the timestamps below.Watch on YouTube or X. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or any other podcast platform. Follow me on X for updates on future episodes.Timestamps0:00 – The economics of longevity8:05 – Epigenetic reprogramming12:37 – Overpopulation and the “ultimate resource”16:33 – Fluid vs. crystallized intelligence, aging and political power20:46 – Cryonics24:35 – AI, open source, and the surveillance state28:29 – Zcash, privacy, and cryptocurrency41:12 – Taxes, government, and money supply50:27 – A poem about tyranny and benevolence56:42 – Education and its resistance to change1:05:42 – Argentina, Milei, and planning for an uncertain future This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.arjunkhemani.com

Yah Welcome Wednesday Shifters, perhaps it is time to spend less time looking outward and rather focusing what's within, spending less time searching for the attention and validation of others and building yourself up!... Because some people are doing WAY too much, don't be one of them!... The movie Apex has taken the world by storm and the boys have finally watched it and have some thoughts to share!... The Speights Men's Den is a place where EVERYBODY is welcome, a place we like to slow down, breaks things a part and talk about it, it's a safe space!... And today's topic is talking about how long term relationship struggles are not solvable problems, agree or disagree? Let us know in the comments below!... Hit that link below to stay caught up with anything and everything TMS. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/groups/3394787437503676/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ We dropped some merch! Use TMS for 10% off. Here is the link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://youknowclothing.com/search?q=tms⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Thank you to the team at Chemist Warehouse for helping us keep the lights on, here at The Morning Shift... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.chemistwarehouse.co.nz/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 00:00 - Intro 3:16 - Check In 13:30 - Daily Bread (Trending Movie Thoughts) 22:48 - The Worst Thing You Did For Attention 41:46 - The Speights Men's Den 54:21 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, we are joined once again by Philippe Schafer, a doctor of physical therapy practicing in New York City who specializes in men's pelvic health. After his powerful first appearance on the show — where we explored the surprising role the pelvic floor plays in erectile dysfunction — Philippe returns to take us even deeper into territory that affects far more men than anyone talks about. With advanced certifications from the Herman & Wallace Pelvic Rehabilitation Institute and a background in strength and conditioning coaching, Philippe continues to bring the same rigorous, whole-body, root-cause approach to one of the most silently suffered sexual challenges men face: premature ejaculation.   Premature ejaculation is one of the most shame-ridden and chronically underreported conditions in men's sexual health — and yet, as Philippe explains, it is also one of the most fixable. This conversation breaks down what PE actually is, why so many men suffer in silence, and how pelvic floor dysfunction sits at the center of a problem most clinicians treat as purely psychological or neurological. Philippe walks us through his comprehensive head-to-toe physical assessment — covering the thoracic spine, lumbar spine, hips, core, and the three layers of pelvic floor muscles — and explains why tightness, weakness, poor breathing mechanics, and overall conditioning all play a direct role in ejaculatory control.   For more free erectile dysfunction education and resources, please visit: https://eiqmen.com/   Mark Goldberg helps men resolve erectile dysfunction. He offers individual, one-on-one services to men throughout the world through a secure, telehealth platform. It's 100% confidential. You can visit the Center for Intimacy, Connection and Change website to schedule a free consultation: https://centericc.com/

In this Episode Ruben shares his problem with Project Hail Mary an admittedly very enjoyable movie. is the films one way trip lazy writing? Could they have solved it? Is Ruben smarter than this film? Should Ruben be an engineer instead of studying theater?

AI-powered scams, crypto crime, and global networks are accelerating financial crime — but solutions are within reach. Experts Ari Redbord, Carole House, and Matt Van Buskirk debate how tech, data sharing, and new policy frameworks could finally turn the tide. Episode show notes, transcript and related links available online at: https://regulationinnovation.org/podcast/solvable-we-can-beat-financial-crime-pt-2-feat-house-redbord-van-buskirk/

Aujourd'hui, Emmanuel de Villiers, entrepreneur, Abel Boyi, éducateur, et Sandrine Pégand, avocate, débattent de l'actualité autour d'Alain Marschall et Olivier Truchot.

Welcome back everyone to the Adventures in Sustainable Living Podcast. This is your host Patrick and this is E264 which is part two of Food Waste: The World's Most Solvable Environmental Problem. In the last episode we covered the first five out of ten reasons why the reduction of food waste has such a significant positive environment impact. Unlike so many other global problems, reducing our food waste is one of the easiest things we can do as individuals. There are ten reasons why food waste is the world's most solvable environment problem. In the last episode we covered five of those reasons. Now, just for a quick review:-The solutions already exist. This means we do not need new technology or new science. The solutions are simple, proven, and accessible to everyone. -Prevention is far cheaper than clean up. While most solutions for environmental problems focus on managing the damage after it has already happened, prevention of food waste cost less than disposal and the pay back is immediate. -Individuals have the real power. While most global environment problems feel distant and abstract, food waste prevention can happen without waiting for governments, corporations and the implementation of new laws. We all participate in our food systems everyday so we have the ability to do something about it today. -It reduces multiple environmental impacts at once. Because of the nature of our food systems, waste prevention effect climate change, addresses water scarcity, land degradation and reduces energy consumption all at once. -Most wasted food is perfectly edible. Since our food systems are inefficient, risk-averse, and culturally distorted, they are built for waste. The majority of wasted food is actually perfectly edible and we can do something about it. But, before we get to the next 5 reasons as to why food waste is the world's most solvable environmental problem, let's first talk about the good news story of the week. 

Ken Gee doesn't mince words. He walked away from a "safe" path commercial lending, Deloitte, and M&A because he realized having success without having time is failure. In this episode, Ken breaks down why the Wall Street nest egg model is a slow road, why control matters more than predictions, and how people with zero experience and limited cash still get into multifamily. We'll get to the punchline: Find the right room, the right system, the right accountability, and go earn your first deal. What You'll Learn How the traditional "accumulate a nest egg" plan creates stress How to break the "I don't have money" excuse  Why your first deal changes everything and how to get to that first win faster The psychology of fitting in and why you need a room that forces you to level up Why the 10X rule is the antidote to shortcut thinking and what real wealth actually requires Action Steps Get in the Right Room Stop trying to fit in with average thinking. Surround yourself with people actively doing deals so your default behavior shifts toward action. Stop Asking "How" and Find "Who" You don't need to know everything. You need a partner, mentor, or sponsor with experience and resources and you bring the work ethic and execution. Pick One System and Execute at 10X No hopping programs. No shiny objects. Do the fundamentals aggressively until your first deal is done, then repeat.

If you spend enough time watching the news, then you already know that our world has a long list of problems. Many of these issues, especially the environmental ones, seem so far out of our reach that we doubt whether or not our personal efforts will ever make a difference.  The good news is nothing could be further from the truth. There are a lot of things we do everyday that make a significant difference for a whole list of reasons. One of those things is controlling our food waste. This is far simpler than you think and the best part is that our actions have an immediate impact. So join me for E263, Food Waste, The World's Most Solvable Environmental Problem.

Sahand Dilmaghani is the founder and CEO of Terra Kaffe, a design-led coffee company reimagining the home espresso experience. Frustrated by the limitations of pod-based machines and the outdated technology dominating the super-automatic espresso category, Sahand set out to build something better—a beautifully designed, app-connected espresso machine that delivers café-quality coffee at the push of a button. What started with him walking the streets of SoHo with two prototypes and eating one meal a day to conserve cash has grown into a company serving tens of thousands of customers who demanded more from their daily coffee ritual. With a background spanning finance, hardware, and design, and fluency in Chinese that took him from Saturday school as a kid to manufacturing facilities in Shenzhen, Sahand brought a unique perspective to an industry that hadn't innovated in decades. Today, Terra Kaffe's machines—from the flagship TK-02 to the compact Demi—represent what happens when you refuse to accept the status quo and build with relentless attention to detail. In this episode, you'll learn: How Sahand's parents' immigrant journey shaped his "everything is solvable" mentality and entrepreneurial grit The moment he realized the espresso machine industry was ripe for disruption—and why DeLonghi's executives completely missed it Why the best ideas get a 50/50 reaction—half your friends think you're crazy, half think it's brilliant—and why that's exactly where you want to be How to navigate the hundreds of daily decisions that can make or break your business without letting perfect become the enemy of done The critical difference between asking "should I do this?" versus "can I do this?"—and why it defines your entire career trajectory Get your free copy of the Career Pivot Playbook here: https://www.omaid.me/newsletter

Elon Musk stuns Davos by saying aging is a solvable problem. Joined by Larry Fink, the panel debates reverse aging, AI-driven breakthroughs, living past 100, faith, purpose, and whether humans should extend life or accept its natural limits.

The Oklahoma State Fair is a beloved tradition, but for some families, it's the place where everything went wrong. In this episode, we examine two chilling cases that began at the fairgrounds. In 1981, 13-year-old friends Charlotte Kinsey and Cinda Pallett disappeared after being lured away by a man offering a carnival job. Six years later, sisters Cheryl Genzer and Lisa Pennington vanished after a night at the fair. Their murders would lead to conflicting stories, failed prosecutions, and decades of unanswered questions. Together, these cases reveal how trust is exploited, how investigations can unravel, and why families are still fighting for truth and accountability. --For early, ad free episodes and monthly exclusive bonus content, join our Patreon! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Trump White House is arresting and deporting thousands - but the economic factors that incentivize illegal immigration aren't going anywhere, and the blame game isn't helping anything

Why is a little radio show tackling big questions like global climate change, A.I., and the nation's power supply? Tune in to The Public Square® today to hear more. Topic: Climate Change The Public Square® with hosts Dave Zanotti and Wayne Shepherd thepublicsquare.com Air Date: Friday, November 14, 2025

Bob breaks down the glaring gaps in the State's case in chief from trial, and shares the remaining testimonies that we haven't heard yet. We also hear Michelle Fliris' full police interview, and discuss how it could have led to a quick resolution to the original investigation. The majority of the funding of our work comes directly from listeners, through our Patreon community.  To join Patreon, click THIS LINK.  At the $5/month level you'll get access to lots of Patreon Only BONUS EPISODES, Ad Free versions of all episodes, an hour of Patreon Exclusive video content every week, and our new weekly podcast “Pre-Game”, which drops every Wednesday.  Not to mention early access to some episodes and the ability to watch and participate in interviews live.

Ukraine Peace Talks: Territory is the Holdup, NATO and EU Issues Solvable Anatol Lieven, Quincy Institute, with John Batchelor Lieven discussed potential negotiations between Presidents Trump and Putin to end the Ukraine conflict. The core obstacle is territory, while other major issues are generally manageable. Russia acknowledges Ukraine's right to join the European Union, removing that as a peace process hurdle, though EU internal challenges remain. NATO membership is unlikely, according to Trump, and incorporating that certainty into an actual agreement or treaty is key. Force protection and limitations could likely be resolved, especially if the negotiations remain bilateral between the U.S. and Russia, circumventing potentially difficult European involvement.

Three simple questions plague every American seeking healthcare: Where should I go? When can I be seen? And how much will it cost me? Despite seeming basic, these questions have remained largely unanswerable—until now.In this episode, we explore how Heather Fernandez, co-founder and CEO of Solv, is building the infrastructure behind same-day care for 210 million Americans. We discuss how AI is finally cracking the code on price transparency and why workflow complexity can be a competitive moat in healthcare.We cover:

There's a care model for schizophrenia that actually works—why isn't it everywhere? On this episode, W. Gordon Frankle, MD, MBA, Vice Chair of Psychiatry at NYU Langone Health, shares how his team in Brooklyn is building a new model for treating serious mental illness—one rooted in long-term, relationship-driven, team-based care. From wraparound services to precision psychiatry, this conversation explores what happens when you bring humanity, structure, and innovation to a population too often left behind.Also discussed:The first novel schizophrenia drug in over 50 years (Cobenfy)Why clozapine is underused—and how that may finally changeThe potential of brain imaging and biomarkers in psychiatric treatmentWhat a real community mental health system looks likeWhy trust, not just treatment, is essential for recovery

Guests:  no guests, just us in the studio Topics: At RSA 2025, did we see solid, measurably better outcomes from AI use in security, or mostly just "sizzle" and good ideas with potential? Are the promises of an "AI SOC" repeating the mistakes seen with SOAR in previous years regarding fully automated security operations? Does "AI SOC" work according to RSA floor? How realistic is the vision expressed by some [yes, really!] that AI progress could lead to technical teams, including IT and security, shrinking dramatically or even to zero in a few years? Why do companies continue to rely on decades-old or “non-leading” security technologies, and what role does the concept of a "organizational change budget" play in this inertia? Is being "AI Native" fundamentally better for security technologies compared to adding AI capabilities to existing platforms, or is the jury still out? Got "an AI-native SIEM"? Be ready to explain how is yours better! Resources: EP172 RSA 2024: Separating AI Signal from Noise, SecOps Evolves, XDR Declines? EP119 RSA 2023 - What We Saw, What We Learned, and What We're Excited About EP70 Special - RSA 2022 Reflections - Securing the Past vs Securing the Future RSA (“RSAI”) Conference 2024 Powered by AI with AI on Top — AI Edition (Hey AI, Is This Enough AI?)  [Anton's RSA 2024 recap blog] New Paper: “Future of the SOC: Evolution or Optimization — Choose Your Path” (Paper 4 of 4.5) [talks about the change budget discussed]

Author of the new book "I Wish Someone Had Told Me...: The Best Advice for Building a Great Career and a Meaningful Life" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dan Nicholson is the CEO of Nth Degree CPAs, a financial consulting firm that helps purpose-driven entrepreneurs achieve financial certainty. A summa cum laude graduate in accounting and e-commerce information systems, Dan honed his expertise through roles at Deloitte, Fortune 500 companies, and a fellowship at the Governmental Accounting Standards Board. He has been recognized four times in CPA Practice Advisor's 40 Under 40 list of global accountants. Dan is The Wall Street Journal and USA Today‘s best-selling author of Rigging the Game and The Solvable Problem, where he introduces groundbreaking frameworks like the Certainty Operating System and Solvable Problem to help leaders maximize cash flow, minimize taxes, and align their decisions with their goals. In this episode… Building wealth as an entrepreneur often feels like chasing a moving target, especially when the rules of the game keep changing. With so much advice centered around working harder, risking more, or mimicking others' paths, how do you design a strategy aligned with your unique goals? According to Dan Nicholson, a best-selling author and renowned financial strategist, the key is solving for what you want using a personal equation he calls "The Solvable Problem." He highlights how entrepreneurs can systematically reverse-engineer their desired outcomes by focusing on clarity, behavior change, and strategic tax planning rather than defaulting to overcomplicated tactics. The impact? More financial certainty, less risk, and better use of your time and energy. Dan explains how applying investor-style thinking to business decisions can unlock massive returns and why protecting intellectual property is essential in the age of AI. In this episode of The Same Day Podcast, Mat Zalk sits down with Dan Nicholson, CEO of Nth Degree CPAs, to talk about defining financial certainty, minimizing taxes with strategic planning, and funding goals with less effort and risk. Dan outlines his “rigging the game” philosophy, explains the importance of clarity in financial decision-making, and explores tax-saving tactics for real estate investors. He also shares how entrepreneurs can reframe business spending as bets to optimize for long-term wealth.

Whoa whoa whoa, has disaster struck? Is your life a train wreck? Well all aboard this very special episode of Review Party Dot Com, where we're drilling through reviews of the finest espadrilles, whipped cream sunscreen, a backpack exclusively for GIRLS (and Easter), and to brighten things up, our favorite anime of all time (and also the greatest). This segment packs a punch too, as we bite into a bushel of apple rankings!Fix your whole life by listening.

In this solocast I talk about the different types of problems or issues that come up in our relationships: perpetual (or unresolvable) vs. solvable ones. The key to relationship success is not eliminating perpetual problems (which is impossible), but rather learning to navigate them with respect and humor while effectively resolving the ones that can be solved. Healthy couples recognize which category their conflicts fall into and approach them accordingly.   Related Content: Other Podcast Episodes The Goal of Healthy Conflict Managing Conflicts in Partnerships Maintaining Connection Through Conflict HeartShare: Attitudes of Connection HeartShare: How Practicing Humility Helps Your Relationships     Let's Talk About It!   Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.  Check out our Guided Audio Practices, Meditations and Workshops at Relationships! Let's Learn About It. You can check out the original songs I have sung on my podcast at  Pripo's Podcast Songs. Don't forget to visit our website and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships. And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!   Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk Sound Production by Matt Carlson

We want to work with YOU! 15 Minute Free Consultation  Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session   Welcome back to another insightful episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy with your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. In this episode, we dive deep into the art of solving solvable problems within relationships by exploring John Gottman's principles. Picking up from our previous discussion on distinguishing solvable issues from perpetual ones, we guide you through a comprehensive roadmap designed to effectively address and resolve conflict. The episode begins by emphasizing the importance of a gentle startup when entering difficult conversations, to reduce defensiveness and promote an atmosphere conducive to cooperation. We walk you through seven structured steps, starting from articulating the issue clearly, practicing active listening, to brainstorming and proposing collaborative solutions. Additionally, crucial topics such as finding common ground, compromising, and agreeing on a plan are tackled to help both partners feel respected and understood. Drawing from real-life scenarios and professional insights, we also discuss overcoming common pitfalls like reverting to old communication patterns, addressing emotional triggers, and dealing with external stressors. This empowers listeners to manage conflicts with empathy and teamwork. Whether dealing with challenging daily disputes or navigating deeper emotional wounds, this episode provides practical strategies for strengthening your relationship's bond. Tune in for valuable tips and a step-by-step guide to transforming conflict into a catalyst for personal and relational growth. We encourage you to practice these techniques on a small conflict this week, and share your success stories in our dedicated Facebook group. Join us as we continue to transform life's challenges into opportunities for deeper connections and healing. [Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at podcast@mrandmrstherapy.com, and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.] {Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}

We want to work with YOU! 15 Minute Free Consultation  Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session     Welcome to another insightful episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, where hosts Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists, delve into Gottman's fifth principle of "Solving Your Solvable Problems." In this episode, they explore how identifying and managing solvable issues can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Tim and Ruth begin by reviewing the foundational four principles from Gottman's research: building love maps, nurturing fondness and admiration, turning towards each other, and letting your partner influence you. These steps, they emphasize, are crucial in forming a strong relationship base before tackling problems. The episode further explains the distinction between solvable and perpetual problems. Solvable issues are situational conflicts such as chores, scheduling, and financial management, which can be addressed with practical solutions. On the other hand, perpetual problems often arise from core personality traits or values and require ongoing management and acceptance. Listeners are encouraged to distinguish between these two types of problems, focusing their energy on resolving solvable issues to prevent resentment and build confidence within the relationship. Tim and Ruth highlight the importance of protecting emotional bandwidth by managing everyday stressors, allowing couples to be better equipped for tackling deeper, more complex challenges. In this engaging discussion, Tim and Ruth provide listeners with strategies for identifying their unique solvable and perpetual problems, laying the groundwork for further resolution in upcoming episodes. This episode is essential for anyone looking to enhance their relationship dynamics through effective problem-solving techniques.   [Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at podcast@mrandmrstherapy.com, and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.] {Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}

The venture capitalist and political strategist talks to Mark and Kate about when, how, and why he chose to focus his efforts on hunger—and exactly how these efforts have proven so successful; what's stopping politicians from feeding kids; and the best ways to put food on the table when government isn't helping. Plus, how he's attempting to turn mobile voting into a reality. Are you liking Food with Mark Bittman? Got feedback? We'd love it if you'd take our (brief) survey: http://bit.ly/foodwithmarkbittman-survey. Thanks for listening!Subscribe to Food with Mark Bittman on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen, and please help us grow by leaving us a 5 star review on Apple Podcasts.Follow Mark on Twitter at @bittman, and on Facebook and Instagram at @markbittman. Want more food content? Subscribe to The Bittman Project at www.bittmanproject.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Investigative journalist and CrimeCon presenter George Jared, co-author of the book Silent Silhouette, sits down for an exclusive interview with Jill. George shares behind-the-scenes insights into how he and Jennifer Bucholtz investigated the now 50-year-old cold case, the murder of Deborah Sue Williamson. Comparing theories, they also delve into the gruesome murder of Rebekah Gould, that George and Jennifer also solved!  He also discusses how they applied their expertise gained in the Gould investigation to the case of Deborah Sue Williamson. What is the current status of Deborah's case? How does one go about solving a murder that happened 50 years ago? Don't miss this intriguing and fun conversation filled with “OMGs”! **TIPS: 706-775-2865 - LUBBOCK POLICE DEPARTMENT** Buy Silent Silhouette on Amazon!   ANNOUNCEMENT- JAN 2025:  Jill's new Murder Shelf Book Club Podcast MERCH SHOP has launched!  Please go explore! As always, Jill appreciate you supporting her true crime book club podcast! Sources, photographs, diagrams, recipes, and wine pairings are found on Jill's blog at www.murdershelfbookclub.com. Share your thoughts with me at  jill@murdershelfbookclub.com, on X,  Facebook,  Instagram or YouTube.  OR, join Jill on PATREON for $4 and help pick our next book and talk true crime developments, first Thursday of each month at 8:30 pm EST! Music- The Pewter Elephant by Blue Dot Sessions. Stay warm! It's freezing! OMG Snow in New Orleans! (1/22/2025)  

1/7/25: 11 GTMO detainees transferred – 15 left in detention. Atty John Pucci on remaining trump cases. Prof Michael Klare looks ahead to Trump, wars & autocrats: Gaza, Ukraine, Yemen, Syria, So Korea, & Sudan. Sen Paul Mark: preparing for Trump, legislative priorities, & transparency. Project Connect Chief Jessica Gifford on loneliness, disconnect, and how they are solvable problems.

Welcome to the Squared Circle Podcast! I am your host Marie Shadows! When "jokes" fall flat, and truths are blocked - a twitter story In this episode, Marie Shadows dives into the intricacies of professional wrestling and the ongoing issues within major companies like New Japan Pro Wrestling and AEW. While defending New Japan's unique position in the wrestling ecosystem, Marie explores how different cultures have shaped pro wrestling across the world. The discussion also touches on the importance of constructive criticism and honest debate in wrestling fandom. Marie stresses the need for professionalism online and highlights a key Twitter moment involving WWE's Netflix move, urging the wrestling community to keep it classy.Marie Shadows defends New Japan Pro Wrestling while exploring cultural influences on the wrestling world. She discusses the importance of constructive criticism, professional conduct on social media, and calls for honest wrestling debates in this latest podcast episode. Bullet Points Summary Marie Shadows defends New Japan Pro Wrestling despite its flaws. Discusses how different cultures (Japan, America, Mexico) created unique wrestling styles. Stresses the importance of constructive criticism in wrestling fandom. Emphasizes the need for professionalism when engaging online. Recaps a controversial Twitter moment involving WWE's Netflix move. Calls for keeping debates about wrestling authentic and honest. Extra context pulled from my ⁠YouTube Community Tab⁠ & my own Twitter: Telling the truth gets you blocked. What are these plenty of "incentives" to actively support NJPW? I've supported & still no incentives. I've actively told my fans to sign up for NJPW World - no incentives. Why do fans never *fully* explain themselves? They say things & block. NJPW stars - who haven't yet signed to AEW - get secondhand treatment & become jobbers to AEW stars. Ishii is a prime example of this treatment despite TK saying: I LOVE ISHII! ISHII IS GREAT! No one cared about Ishii. No reaction. No understanding of his character or move set. The flip side: DDT Pro/AEW wrestler, Konosuke got the STAR treatment during the G1 this year by defeating ESTABLISHED NJPW wrestlers. Yeah, he lost later but that does damage to main roster of NJPW by changing fans PERCEPTION of those wrestlers. ⁠https://youtu.be/_Uq9WqpM60Q⁠ You don't need to watch a full episode of AEW to understand the issues - very SOLVABLE issues - that are playing out in REAL TIME. Contextual clips & research work fine to get a conclusion. I work in the business, I LOVE THIS - I can spot the issues & WANT wrestling to improve. Extra context: ⁠https://x.com/Marie_Shadows/status/18...⁠ Extra extra context: ⁠https://x.com/Marie_Shadows/status/18...⁠ Links: ⁠marieshadows.substack.com⁠ ⁠https://discord.gg/McABYC3c39⁠ ⁠https://marieshadows-shop.fourthwall.com⁠

Join Sean as he gives you some great tools for your parenting mind. He'll help you to see your problems in a new light - and it'll change everything. Go deeper with Sean at www.SaveMyFamily.us 

Jeff Olivet (he/him) is the executive director of the United States Interagency Council on Homelessness (USICH) and he is an Unapologetically Black Unicorn. Jeff shares how housing is healthcare, and that homelessness is solvable and it's preventable. They talk about how homelessness is a cross-systems failure and how it requires cross-systems solutions, the importance of having the safety of a place to stay with a door that locks behind you and the cross section of homelessness and mental health. A message from outgoing USICH Director Jeff Olivet: https://usich.gov/news-events/news/message-outgoing-usich-director-jeff-olivet-despite-challenges-homelessness The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is now: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

Nathan and Erik discuss why the key to improving on the LSAT is to slow down and solve each question. Read more on our website!Email daily@lsatdemon.com with questions or comments.Watch this episode on YouTube.

Join Dr. Lisa Dunne on today's show as she is interviewed by world changer Dr. Jim Garlow, founder of Well Versed World. You can be a difference-maker in your church, your city, your community! Let's work together to shift the culture of education for the next generation. Join us on the Academic Rescue Mission by opening up your church building during the week and training parents to disciple their children. That's two generations of simultaneous influence--what an ROI!Learn more about Dr. Garlow, his books, and his incredible international impact at WellVersedWorld.org. Education is broken. We can fix it. 

As hostilities escalate in the Middle East, President Biden makes a final speech to the United Nations. Senators grill the makers of Ozempic and Wegovy over drug prices. And the team at 538 examines the country's tightest Senate races. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to The Not Old Better Show, Smithsonian Associates interview series. I'm your host, Paul Vogelzang, and today we have a truly inspiring episode that promises to leave you feeling hopeful and empowered. Our guest is the remarkable Dr. Susan Solomon, a pioneering atmospheric chemist whose groundbreaking work in the 1980s was crucial in solving the ozone layer crisis. Dr. Susan Solomon will be appearing at Smithsonian Associates coming up so please check out our show notes today for more details!In her new book, “Solvable: How We Healed the Earth, and How We Can Do It Again,” Smithsonian Associate Dr. Solomon draws from her extensive experience to argue that, while we face daunting environmental challenges, they are not insurmountable. Today with us, Dr. Solomon will share stories of environmental victories from diverse heroes, ranging from scientists to everyday citizens, demonstrating that collective action can lead to monumental change.Smithsonian Associate Dr. Susan Solomon will share insights from her expedition to Antarctica, where her discoveries led to the Montreal Protocol—a landmark agreement that successfully curbed ozone-depleting substances. She will also discuss the parallels between past environmental successes and the ongoing fight against climate change, highlighting the power of public awareness, political will, and innovative technology.Throughout our conversation, we'll explore how individuals, especially those in the 50+ age group, can play a pivotal role in advocating for and supporting environmental causes. Dr. Solomon's message is clear: healing our planet is a collective effort, and every action counts.So, sit back and get ready to be inspired by one of the leading voices in environmental science. This episode is a testament to the power of human ingenuity and determination, and it's a call to action for all of us to join the fight for a healthier, more sustainable world.Let's welcome Dr. Susan Solomon to The Not Old Better Show Smithsonian Associates Interview Series on radio and podcast.My thanks to Smithsonian Associate Susan Solomon for her generous time.  You can find out more about about Dr. Solomon, including her upcoming Smithsonian Associates presentation titled: Solvable How We Healed the Earth, and How We Can Do It Again in our show notes today.  My thanks to the Smithsonian team for all they do to support the show.  My thanks to Executive Producer Sam Heninger for his audio direction and my thanks to you, our wonderful audience here on radio and podcast.  Be well, be safe and let's Talk About Better™ The Not Old Better Show, Smithsonian Associates interview series on radio and podcast.  Thanks, everybody and we'll see you next week.Hosted by Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

Send us a textTom Wolf was a suburban Dad & city employee when he became addicted to drugs. He soon found himself sleeping in a doorway in the Tenderloin District of San Francisco getting high every 90 minutes. Now six years sober, he serves on the leadership council of Foundation for Drug Policy Solutions & is a bridge between the reality of the streets & the meeting room of policy makers.  In this episode, you'll hear his story, the down and dirty about “live & let die,” Chinese fentanyl and Mexican cartel, if housing plus services is really the answer & should we follow the Portugal model?If you liked this episode, you'll also like episode 138: LIFE IN THE VEGAS TUNNELS: CLOWNS, CRICKETS & CRANKGuest: https://x.com/gooddrugpolicy | https://x.com/Twolfrecovery | https://gooddrugpolicy.org/papr/ | https://www.facebook.com/gooddrugpolicy | https://www.linkedin.com/company/foundation-for-drug-policy-solutions/Host:  https://www.meredithforreal.com/  | https://www.instagram.com/meredithforreal/  | meredith@meredithforreal.com | https://www.youtube.com/meredithforreal  | https://www.facebook.com/meredithforrealthecuriousintrovert Sponsors: https://www.jordanharbinger.com/starterpacks/ | https://uwf.edu/university-advancement/departments/historic-trust/ | https://www.ensec.net/

Welcome to Behind the Badge! On Jan. 13, 1972, in Marietta, Georgia, nine-year-old Deborah (Debbie) Lynn Randall was abducted from a laundromat across the street from her home, raped, and killed.   Not long after, Deborah's case went cold and the evidence was lost.  42 years later in 2014,  Detective Dawes, lead investigator at the Cobb County Cold Case Unit, agreed to take a look at her case.  The team was able to locate  the lost evidence and test it for DNA. In 2015, the perpetrator's complete DNA profile was entered into CODIS, but there wasn't a match.  It took another 8 years  for Deborah's killer to be identified.  Listen to Every Case Is Solvable- Deborah Lynn Randall to find out how,  after 51 years, this case was finally solved.  If you would like to suggest a discussion topic, email me at truecrimepi@gmail.com or visit my website at truecrimepi.com.Music: Stange Detective by Harumachi  Support the Show.

500 scientists from 60 countries gathered at the 5th Global Food Security Conference in Leuven, Belgium. Instead of saying, "you had to be there," we bring you voices and reflections from the conference. Host Matthew Kessler recorded dozens of interviews, asking experts what key messages they want to deliver to those with the power to change food systems, what are the economics of food systems transformation, and which solutions to make food systems more resilient deserve more attention. For more info and resources, visit: https://tabledebates.org/podcast/episode63Subscribe to TABLE's newsletter FodderGuestsMartin van Ittersum, Conference co-chair, Professor at Wageningen UniversityTessa Avermaete, Conference co-chair, Project manager at KU LeuvenRamya Ambikapathi, Scientific committee member, Senior Research Associate at Cornell UGerard Govers, Programme committee mebmer, Vice-rector of Science, Engineering and Technology and Vice-rector of Sustainability at KU LeuvenJoanna Trewern, Conference keynote, Director of Partnerships and Institutional Engagement at Pro Veg InternationalMaitre d'hotel at Coeur Catering, responsible for food served at the conferenceConference OrganizersElsevierKU LeuvenWageningen University and ResearchTABLEEpisode edited and produced by Matthew Kessler. Music by Blue dot sessions.

In this week's podcast, we talk about a power sentence that helps switch your brain from panic into resolution: All problems are solvable.   The brain worries, spins, and stresses when it thinks all problems are NOT fixable. It feels terrible. Our logical brain goes offline. We stop sleeping. It's so hard to problem-solve when we are exhausted.   Next time your brain heads toward spinning out, remind it that all problems are solvable. Your brain will settle. Your logical brain will come on line and start solving problems at the highest level. It feels so good.   All problems are solvable.   In this podcast episode, I walk you through how to believe this power sentence AND I share how I used it to solve a problem in my coaching practice.   Click the button to enjoy the show. Christina

Jeff Olivet (he/him) is the executive director of the United States Interagency Council on Homelessness (USICH) and he is an Unapologetically Black Unicorn. Jeff shares how housing is healthcare, and that homelessness is solvable and it's preventable. They talk about how homelessness is a cross-systems failure and how it requires cross-systems solutions, the importance of having the safety of a place to stay with a door that locks behind you and the cross section of homelessness and mental health. For more information about USICH visit: https://www.usich.gov/about/usich   The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is now: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

- PRE ORDER THE LA ANORAK JACKET: https://onetwothreads.com/collections/new-arrivals/products/la-anorak-jacket - SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PODCAST: http://cornerofthegalaxy.com/subscribe/ - COG LA GALAXY DISCORD: https://discord.gg/drr9HFZY2P - COG ANTHEM MUSIC BY RAY PLAZA: https://linktr.ee/munditoplaza - COG ANTHEM MUSIC DOWNLOAD: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3asiasldwKyoCRm1Vzx2h7?si=_LmXI9otT9y9j0ChMGMt2w COG STUDIOS, Calif. -- Putting up a solid showing against Inter Miami should make the LA Galaxy content with the 1-1 draw on Sunday night. On today's show, hosts Josh Guesman and Alex Ruiz (filling in for Kevin Baxter, who is away covering the USWNT) want to talk about 90 minutes of actual gameplay. What were the big takeaways from the game? And did anyone impress? Could Joseph Paintsil be the answer to the Galaxy's counter-attacking style? And why did Gabriel Pec impress and leave everyone wanting more? What about the Galaxy's stout defense? Did John McCarthy just become everyone's favorite goalkeeper? And finally, dubious yellow cards, funny postgame interactions and so much more! Join us to recap one of the more memorable games in recent Galaxy history. -- Corner of the Galaxy is kicking off Season 16 tonight, just a few shows short of 1,100! And we can't wait to show you everything we've got in store for 2024! We're debuting a brand new Corner of the Galaxy Anthem, written by Ray Plaza. And we've also refreshed the look and feel of the podcast. Just a reminder that we go live twice a week — Monday and Thursday at 8 PM on YouTube — and that you can find us anywhere you get your podcasts (Apple, Spotify, Soundcloud, YouTube, GooglePlay, etc.). So tell a friend that you've been listening to the longest-running team-specific podcast in Major League Soccer and that 2024 is a great time to start listening!

Air Date 2/7/2024 Loneliness is an epidemic that long-predates the COVID lockdowns that only made things worse but it's not primarily cultural or even technological in origin. The issue largely has to do with how our built environment is designed and then social and technological aspects compound the problem. Be part of the show! Leave us a message or text at 202-999-3991 or email Jay@BestOfTheLeft.com Transcript BestOfTheLeft.com/Support (Members Get Bonus Clips and Shows + No Ads!) Join our Discord community! SHOW NOTES Ch. 1: Surgeon General discusses health risks of loneliness and steps to help connect with others - PBS NewsHour - Air Date 5-2-23 The U.S. Surgeon General declared a new public health epidemic in America, loneliness. A new report finds loneliness can have profound effects on mental health as well as heart disease, stroke and dementia. Ch. 2: Our Loneliness Epidemic is Infrastructuralized - Studio Leonardo - Air Date 6-2-22 The infrastructure in the US is one of the main culprits for our loneliness. In this video, we deep-dive into why that is and how it has come to be this way. So, what can we do to fix this? Ch. 3: Original Barcelona video - @The Happy Urbanist TikTok - Air Date 12-15-23 Ch. 4: How cohousing can make us happier (and live longer) | Grace Kim - TED - Air Date 8-7-17 Loneliness doesn't always stem from being alone. For architect Grace Kim, loneliness is a function of how socially connected we feel to the people around us -- and it's often the result of the homes we live in. She shares an age-old antidote to isolation   ....   SEE FULL SHOW NOTES MUSIC (Blue Dot Sessions) SHOW IMAGE: Description: Photograph taken from behind a woman in a dark room who is leaning out an open window. She looks out at a brick apartment building across the way.  Credit: "Woman looking out the window" by Jon Eric Marababol, Wikimedia Commons | License: CC0 1.0 Universal   Produced by Jay! Tomlinson Visit us at BestOfTheLeft.com  

In an era where the traditional education system is facing challenges and criticisms, my guest today has emerged as an absolute beacon of hope. Lisa Dunne is the president and CEO of Chula Vista Christian University, and she's not just changed the game, she's redefined it. She joins me today to talk about her book, Outsourced, and Why We Need an Education Revolution in the United States. http://heidistjohn.com/blog/?p=32317 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/heidistjohn/message

Newt's guest is the remarkably talented writer, Malcolm Gladwell. He is the author of six New York Times bestsellers, including Talking to Strangers, David and Goliath, Outliers, Blink, and The Tipping Point. He is the co-founder and president of Pushkin Industries, an audiobook and podcast production company that produces the podcasts Revisionist History; Broken Record, a music interview show; and Solvable, in which Gladwell interviews innovative thinkers with solutions to some of the world's biggest problems. His new book The Bomber Mafia: A Dream, A Temptation, and the Longest Night of the Second World War is available now.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Five years after Patrick Weber was found dead in his van, which was still filled with the cannabis he was transporting his case is still unsolved. So many questions and SOMEONE has the answers.  If you know anything about the unsolved homicide of Patrick Weber or what happened in February of 2019 on Highway 20 in Northern CA or if you recognize the man in this picturwe please contact the CHP Ukiah Dispatch at 707-467-4000.  

In this episode, Karol discusses the negative impact of prioritizing financial independence and career over family. She emphasizes the importance of marriage, stable relationships, and religious values. Karol welcomes Andrew Klavan to discuss his new novel and the challenges he faces in Hollywood due to his beliefs. Klavan suggests that conservatives need to create their own media platforms to promote their values. He also encourages people to pursue their artistic passions despite the lack of opportunities in Hollywood. Klavan discusses the current state of culture, his journey towards faith, and the societal problem of materialism. The Karol Markowicz Show is part of the Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Podcast Network - new episodes debut every Monday & Thursday. Follow Clay & Buck on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/clayandbuckSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Having a good data strategy can streamline the way a company does business. In this episode of Smart Talks with IBM, Malcolm Gladwell takes on this topic with Ronald Young Jr., host of Solvable, and guest Nicholas Renotte, Data Science and AI Technical Specialist at IBM. They discuss how data literacy can help make a business more efficient, the fundamentals of data management, and why data is step one to AI solutions. A study quoted by Nicholas and referenced in this episode can be found here. Some of Nicholas' guidance on machine learning can be found here. This is a paid advertisement from IBM.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.