Podcasts about yes brain

Parenting While the World Falls Apart     The world has be in bewilderment right now. I can't do it all-- but I can parent from a place of radical optimism.   I can turn off the news and focus on my house.   Safe, seen, soothed and secure is an idea from the book The Yes Brain   Dr. Jane Nelson believes belonging and significance are the key parts of raising children.  Read more in her books.   You matter.  I like you just the way you are.  I'm so glad you're here.   You don't have to mother alone-- for three months join me shoulder to shoulder in the Finish the Book Community.   www.motheron.teachable.com       Self-Care Ideas: Make sleep important.  If you aren't sleeping well, enjoy a kids cartoon and try to rest.   Quiet-- find the quiet you need to rest. Try out the Breathe With Me episodes or go watch birds.       Family Fun Idea: Be Kindness Ninjas.   How can you help right now?  Backpack drives?  Food banks? Refugees?  Neighbors? Mailing a card?   Small acts of giving as a family every month model optimism, compassion, and perseverance for your kids.      Join the Finish the Book Community Starting August 31! motheron.teachable.com     Keep the conversation going on Instagram:   https://www.instagram.com/everyday_runner_christy/  

Our interview with author, psychotherapist, and educator Dr. Tina Payne Bryson offers us a much-needed perspective on how to discipline more effectively by recognizing the difference between discipline and punishment. She also helped us look at our kiddos' bad behavior in a whole new way!   LINKS Join us at the Back to Basics Bootcamp on Aug 6, 2021!  https://www.eventbrite.com/e/back-to-basics-bootcamp-tickets-156933888485 https://www.thestudleys.com/ https://www.patreon.com/m/thestudleys High Performance Coaching: https://www.thestudleys.com/coaching To find a virtual counselor visit http://getfaithful.com/anatomyofmarriage

Welcome to Episode #69 of the Red Ink Revival Leadership Podcast. Today’s conversation is with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, a New York Times Best Selling Author and leading professional expert in child development and parenting. Our conversation takes us into the following topics:   Tina’s backstory of becoming a professional parenting expert Attachment science and how attachment patterns develop our relationship templates for life Science’s best predictor of how well our children will turn out Defining the four attachment patterns that form how we connect in relationships The “4 Ss” that build secure attachment (safe, seen soothed and secure) Parenting unpredictability and its impact on a child’s brain The power of consistent relationship repairs in creating a child’s window of tolerance The importance of engaging our own story to know why kids can push our trigger buttons  What happens in a child’s emotional circuits when parents offer empathy and connection What the answer is in parenting a child when you don’t know what to do Fears that “I might be screwing my kids up.” How our own parenting shame spiral will compel future “flip my lid” cycles The most attuned parents will get parenting connections wrong about 70% of the time It’s never too late to repair past relationship ruptures even though the child is now an adult How to make sense of and manage parent guilt or mom guilt. Half of who our kids become is because of genetics, and the other half is because of experience and epigenetics Parents that ruminate around regrets do so because of roots in their own story and unprocessed anxieties How to be at peace from regrets that we didn’t raise our kids in church How the brain processes circuits for feeling stuck/regret versus circuits of empowerment Do we need to forgive ourselves for parenting mistakes? Using rituals and symbols to let go of the guilt and shame of parenting failures. Our history is not our destiny. How understanding our own parent’s backstories will compel compassion from us today Managing the shame and what to do when we have feelings of “not liking” or even “being disgusted” with our kids. A personal word to mothers for Mother’s Day love and encouragement   Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the author of the Bottom Line for Baby and co-author (with Dan Siegel) of two New York Times Best Sellers—The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline—each of which has been translated into over fifty languages, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up. She is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice in Southern California. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she frequently consults with schools, businesses, and other organizations.  An LCSW, Tina is a graduate of Baylor University with a Ph.D. from USC.  The most important part of her bio, she says, is that she’s a mom to her three boys. You can learn more about Dr. Bryson at TinaBryson.com.  A MESSAGE FROM TINA PAYNE BRYSON, PH.D.:   Thanks for joining us for our podcast conversation. I hope you gained new insights and applications for relating to the children you care about. If you're interested in learning more, or you'd like to receive my newsletter and social-media blasts, please click the links below.    You can also read articles, listen to podcasts, and watch video blogs about kids and parenting at my website, TinaBryson.com.   Warmly,   Tina   To subscribe to my newsletter, click here.   Follow me on social media: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram   Check out my 2021 online parenting group (replays of past sessions available).   Listen to my limited-series podcast with pediatrician Dr. Phil Boucher, Baby in the House   Watch a trailer for my workshop with Dr. Dan Siegel, MD, based on our latest book, The Power of Showing Up.   For a book and other recommendations, click here.   Learn more about my books:     The Bottom Line for Baby - or click here to purchase on Amazon   The Whole-Brain Child - or click here to purchase on Amazon   No-Drama Discipline - or click here to purchase on Amazon   The Yes Brain - or click here to purchase on Amazon ·   The Power of Showing Up - or click here to purchase on Amazon   Visit our website: redinkrevival.com   Please rate, review, share, and subscribe!   Edited and produced by Evan (Emac) McAlister.

Today we’re reviewing “The Yes Brain,” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. Thanks for listening.   Say Hi: Email: talktherapypod@gmail.com Kelly Bos Website: kellybos.com Wellness Center: Muskoka Mind & Body Kelly Bourne Website: kellybourne.ca Book: Pig's Big Feelings

Click here to look into the Yes Brain on Amazon (this is an affiliate link)In today’s episode, I mention my free Cooking is Connecting 20-Day Challenge. This 4-week email sequence takes the Developmental Relationships Framework – a tool created by Search Institute to inform parents, educators, and youth workers – and puts it in the context of the kitchen. If you’d like to take the challenge with your family, I encourage you to visit https://cookingisconnecting.com For more information on how to get your family back in the kitchen cooking and eating together, head on over to cookinwithkibby.com.Have a question or idea for a future episode? Send an email to podcast@cookinwithkibby.com - I look forward to hearing from you!Find me on:— Facebook— Instagram— YouTube

In this episode I am joined with author and psychotherapist Dr. Tina Bryson. She is the author of BOTTOM LINE FOR BABY and co author with Dan Siegel of two New York Times best selling books THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD and NO DRAMA DISCIPLINE, along with THE YES BRAIN and THE POWER OF SHOWING UP. We talked about attachment and parenting and how to help our children feel safe. To find out more about her work www.TinaBryson.com

Co zrobić, by złościć się mniej i rzadziej? Dostajemy od Was takie pytania, padają one też wiele razy na salach warsztatowych, czy w gabinetach. Stąd też kolejna nasza Pogadanka właśnie złości poświęcona. Pada hasło, które już nie raz słyszeliście z naszych ust - praca na zimno (tak, brzmi dokladnie tak jak pozytywistyczna praca u podstaw!). Mówimy dlaczego jest niemal niemożliwe, by bez wytyczenia nowych dróg na zimno, pojechać nimi, gdy zasila nas silna złość. A jak zacząć wytyczać te drogi? Oczywiście - na zimno :) Nie zostawiamy Was jednak z ogólnikami, przechodzimy do konkretów i wskazujemy kilka punktów, od których warto zacząć. Mówimy o tym, że: nawet jeśli ten moment, kiedy złość najbardziej nam doskwiera, to jest taki moment, kiedy jest najtrudniej, to i tak praca, jaką mamy do wykonania, nie będzie w tych momentach, kiedy jest najtrudniej; warto zacząć uczenie się nowych rzeczy nie od najtrudniejszych, najgorszych, tylko od czegoś z czym jest trochę łatwiej; w najgorszych dniach najważniejsza umiejętność, to nie dowalać sobie i nie pogarszać sytuacji jeszcze tym, że oczekujemy od siebie bardzo dużo; każdy człowiek ma taki poziom złości, na które te wszystkie rzeczy, których się nauczył, nie działają Niezależnie od tego, naprawdę warto ćwiczyć, ćwiczyć, ćwiczyć, ćwiczyć… Zachęcamy do zapoznania się: z kolorowymi strefami regulacji. Koncepcja pochodzi z książki "The Yes Brain. Mózg na tak" D. Siegela przywołujemy Brene Brown i jej koncepcję bycia na arenie (inspirowaną słowami T. Roosvelta) wspominamy o myśleniu czarno białym (dychotomicznym) albo jestem świetną matką, albo beznadziejną.

This week Seth is joined by parents Lauren Aikin-Smith, Jennifer Bidwell, and Sarah Salisott for a discussion about how to talk to kids about foster care. Show Notes: 35:30- Mango & Marigold Press 35:30- Literacy Quebec 35:30- Nyasha Williams 36:00- Giveaway on Rad Child social media 36:15- akidsbookabout.com 37:15- www.upfordnetwork.com 38:45- ShiftBookBox coupon code Radchild 1:00:00- Have You Filled A Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud 1:00:53- The Connected Child, by Karyn Purvis, Wendy Lyons Sunshine, & David R. Cross & The Explosive Child, by Ross W. Greene 1:01:15- The Yes Brain, The Whole Brain Child, & The Power of Showing Up, by Dr. Dan Segal 1:01:38- The Adoptee Next Door podcast 1:02:20- The Family Book, by Todd Parr & We Are Family, by Patricia Hegarty 1:02:50- Another Place At The Table, by Kathy Harrison 1:03:19- Maybe Days, by Jennifer Wilgocki and Marcia Kahn Wright 1:03:45- The Body Keeps The Score, by Bessel van der Kolk 1:03:55- Resilience Movie 1:04:29- The Fosters tv show Follow Today’s Guests: Sarah: www.thefosterlane.com @thefosterlane on the socials Lauren: @thesexpositivetherapist   Find us on the web! www.radchildpodcast.com Facebook Twitter Instagram Contact us: radchildpodcast@gmail.com Be a guest Donate Buy Rad Merch

Happy 100th episode to the Parent Footprint podcast!     We have a very special guest for our 100th episode:  Dr. Dan welcomes back the only guest who has appeared on the Parent Footprint podcast three (!) times: bestselling author and parenting expert Dr. Tina Payne Bryson -- the perfect colleague to help Dr. Dan celebrate his 100-episode milestone.   Today Dr. Dan and Dr. Bryson focus on her newest book The Bottom Line for Baby as well as the timely The Power of Showing Up (co-authored with Dan Siegel) and her pioneering work with brain-based parenting.   Dr. Dan and Dr. Bryson tackle compelling topics including: Making sense of our own parenting history  Attachment in parenting (based on the “4 S” rules that kids feel Safe, Seen, Soothed, Secure) Why the parenting concept of “empowering yourself with knowledge” really is the key to all parenting (along with trusting yourself and showing up for your child) When parents practice awareness then they have a choice in how they parent in any moment (Dr. Bryon’s advice:  pay attention on purpose!) The importance of parents being a safe harbor instead of a storm for our kids Tina’s third inspiring Parent Footprint Moment    Tina Payne Bryson is a psychotherapist and the Founder/Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice, and of the Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopmental lens.  In addition, Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for kids, parents, educators, clinicians, and industry leaders all over the world, and she makes frequent media appearances for media such as TIME, “Good Morning America,” Huffington Post, Redbook, The New York Times, and Real Simple.     Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is also co-author (with Dan Siegel) of The Yes Brain as well as two New York Times bestsellers -- The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline -- each of which has been translated into over forty languages.  Dr. Bryson is a graduate of Baylor University and earned her LCSW and Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, child rearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology.  Finally, Tina emphasizes that before she’s a parenting educator, or a researcher, she’s a mom.  She limits her clinical practice and speaking engagements so that she can spend time with her family.  Alongside her husband of 25 years, parenting her three boys is what makes her happiest.   For more information visit:  https://www.tinabryson.com/  Watch this free video to learn more about Dr. Dan and Parent Footprint Awareness Training®.

Daniel Siegel, co-author of The Yes Brain. Topic: How to cultivate courage, curiosity, and resilience in your child. Issues: Defining the Yes Brain and why it’s so important; The four fundamentals of the Yes Brain and how to strengthen them; the key to knowing when kids need a gentle push out of their comfort zone […] The post Cultivating Courage and Resilience + The Importance of Praise and Blame appeared first on Mr. Dad.

Dr. Dan Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. He is also the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute which focuses on the development of mindsight, teaches insight, empathy, and integration in individuals, families and communities. Dr. Siegel has published extensively for both the professional and lay audiences. His five New York Times bestsellers are: Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, and two books with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D: The Whole-Brain Child, and No-Drama Discipline. His other books include: The Developing Mind, The Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology, Mindsight, The Mindful Brain, and The Mindful Therapist. He has also written The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. Dr. Siegel also serves as the Founding Editor for the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology which currently contains over seventy textbooks.

This is the first of our new "Fresh Take" episodes, in which we'll offer longer interviews with some fascinating parenting experts. (And some super-hilarious people as well.) We loved this chat with Tina Payne Bryson, author of the new book THE BOTTOM LINE FOR BABY: From Sleep Training to Screens, Thumb Suck to Tummy Time—What the Science Says. This book is an A-Z guide for common childcare controversies and questions—and the science (or lack thereof) behind them. Should you swaddle? Is circumcision necessary? Is breast really best? We discuss it all in this episode, but here's what Bryson says is the REAL bottom line: “Ultimately, knowledge is power. Inform yourself. Then trust yourself. After all, you know your child better than anyone.” Dr. Tina Payne Bryson,is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice. She is the co-author of two New York Times best sellers, The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SHOW NOTES This week's conversation is with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., the trusted, down-to-earth parenting expert many of us have grown to trust over the years due to her pragmatic, research-based approach and advice. Tina has researched and written the reference book every new parent needs to combat the anxiety from competing advice from family and friends. In The Bottom Line for Baby, Tina boils down the actual scientific research in short, 2-4 page spreads. She covers many topics including vaccines, co-sleeping, germs, and circumcision. Sometimes the science is clear and sometimes it isn't, but this book arms you with the data you need to know whether your gut instinct about your own child is the direction you should go. She also arms you with the science to defend allowing your child to play in the dirt when you have well-meaning relatives who think you're letting your kid get too dirty. The Bottom Line for Baby is the book every new parent needs during this era of information overload for parents. It'll be my go-to new baby gift for many years to come. Big Ideas An exhausted parent can flip to that subject and within just a few minutes, have the latest science on that topic and then be given a bottom line about what to do. I'll just give you a sneak preview, it's really good for kids to be exposed to germs. So we should just love each other and understand that people have different webs for the decisions they make. I do want parents to say, "You know what, this isn't working for my family, but it's allowing me to be a better parent in another way." And to have that more positive self talk around, or that framework around the decisions we make. Quotes Audrey: This is just so necessary right now because I think like you said, especially when you're a new parent, you just want to do things right. And right now what's right is so confusing. So to be able to have this reference book, it is going to be my go-to baby gift from now on. I wish I had had it too. Audrey: You've summarized instead of us having to go out and find all the science, which is so, so great. Audrey: I heard you talk about it in another setting and you were saying about also just kind of going with your gut. Tina: Just how much we are so hard on ourselves and how we can be so hard on other people, especially around these super controversial topics like vaccination, sleep training, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, you know, those are all such hot button issues for people. Tina: I hope this is how it's experienced, is that parents will walk away with the idea that knowledge is power. 'I am now informed on the latest science on this topic and now Tina has just empowered me to trust my baby and to trust my instincts and to do what's right for our family, regardless of what everybody else says.' Tina: Every decision we make is not done in a vacuum. The decisions we make are part of a web. Tina: And there are many, many ways to be a great parent. And if that's not something that works for you and your baby and your family, you can let that go and ignore people who criticize you. Audrey: So just to be nicer to yourself and it's okay. Audrey: And you can also pivot. Do you know what I mean? If something isn't working, like if you're trying one way because your neighbor or somebody said, 'this is the way you have to do it', and then it doesn't work for you. There's no reason you can't say, 'well, you know what? I tried that, and it's not right for me.' Tina: I think you get perspective, as you have more kids, as you're around more kids that there really are very few, have too's. Tina: So giving in and changing your mind and holding the boundary are three different things. And the first one's not so good, the other two are perfectly acceptable. I want my kids to change their minds about things. I want them to be open when they have new information. So I want to model that too. Watch a Video of Audrey & Tina's Conversation Listen to Audrey & Tina's Previous Conversations Ep: 136: Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. on Showing Up for our Kids During COVID-19 Ep. 121: The Power of Showing Up with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson Ep. 95: Raising a Yes Brain Child with Tina Payne Bryson More Resources about The Bottom Line for Baby Links Tina Payne Bryson, PH.D. The Bottom Line for Baby Tina's Instagram Publisher's Weekly Review Tina's short-run podcast series with Dr. Phil Boucher (pediatrician) Dr. Phil Boucher (pediatrician) Tina's video blogs, with content to support parents through the pandemic Gold Arrow Teacher Academy About the Author: Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice in Southern California. She is the co-author (with Daniel J. Siegel) of two New York Times best sellers, The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she frequently consults with schools, businesses, and other organizations. An LCSW, Dr. Bryson is a graduate of Baylor University with a Ph.D. from USC. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children. One Simple Thing Consider doing a September Reset. Take some time to prioritize things you want to do differently. My Favorite This week I'm sharing a favorite that I've shared before. This pandemic has left many of us with a lot less time to listen to podcast. Laura Vanderkam's Before Breakfast Podcast is a quick daily podcast with helpful tips for productivity. Before Breakfast Podcast: Tips from Happy Campers Book! I'm a big fan of Laura Vanderkam's other books and advice, as well. You can listen to our chat about her excellent book, Off the Clock, here: Ep. 56: Off the Clock with Laura Vanderkam

One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out—in terms of happiness, social skills, mental health, academic success, and meaningful relationships—is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them.In this mini-episode, Dhru speaks with Tina Bryson, Deena Margolin, and Jennifer Kolari about how to develop secure attachment in your kids, how providing a calm, safe presence can radically change how a child’s brain develops, and how to help our kids process big feelings. Tina Bryson is the founder and executive director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice, and The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopmental lens. She is a licensed clinical social worker, providing pediatric and adolescent psychotherapy and parenting consultations. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, clinicians, and industry leaders around the world. She is the co-author, with Dan Siegel, of The Yes Brain, The Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, and The Power of Showing Up, as well as the upcoming book, Bottom Line for Baby. She earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California and lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children.Deena Margolin is a marriage and family therapist and mindfulness teacher in Los Angeles who works primarily with children and families. Trained in the field of interpersonal neurobiology, Deena explores how the mind, brain, and relationships come together to shape who we become—and how we can harness the potential of neuroplasticity, the mind’s incredible ability to change throughout the lifespan, to grow healthier and happier. In working with children, Deena has cultivated a unique approach to child therapy that blends mindfulness, neuroscience, art, and play. Through games, activities and reflective exercises, Deena helps children discover their natural strengths and build new tools for looking inside, making sense of what they are experiencing, and internalizing new ways to approach challenges and stress. Deena also worked at the Mindsight Institute, as Associate Director, with Daniel J. Siegel and Caroline S. Welch and trained at the Center for Mindful Living in Los Angeles. Jennifer Kolari is a child and family therapist and one of the nation’s leading parenting experts and the founder of Connected Parenting. She is the author of Connected Parenting: How To Raise A Great Kid, and You’re Ruining My Life!: Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting. Jennifer is a frequent guest on Canada AM, CBC, Breakfast Television, CTV News Channel, and Global’s The Morning Show. Her advice can be found in many Canadian and U.S. magazines, such as Today’s Parent, Redbook, Parent, and Canadian Family. Her entertaining workshops and insightful strategies, shared with warmth and humor, make her a highly sought-after speaker with schools, corporations and agencies throughout North America. Jennifer has been helping children, teens and families get connected for over twenty years.Find Dhru’s full-length conversation with Tina Bryson here: https://broken-brain.lnk.to/TinaBryson/Find Dhru’s full-length conversation with Deena Margolin here: https://broken-brain.lnk.to/DeenaMargolin/Find Dhru’s full-length conversation with Jennifer Kolari here: https://broken-brain.lnk.to/JenniferKolari/For more on Dhru Purohit, be sure to follow him on Instagram @dhrupurohit, on Facebook @dhruxpurohit, on Twitter @dhrupurohit, and on YouTube @dhrupurohit. You can also text Dhru at (302) 200-5643 or click here https://my.community.com/dhrupurohit.Interested in joining Dhru’s Broken Brain Podcast Facebook Community? Submit your request to join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2819627591487473/. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

How we should interact with children

  In EPISODE 27, Wayne and Rob talk with Dr. Dan Siegel, Clinical Professor at the UCLA School of Medicine, and the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute. Dr. Siegel is a New York Times Bestselling Author whose many books include Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, and Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence; as well as Parenting from the Inside Out (with Mary Hartzell); and The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, The Yes Brain, and The Power of Showing Up (with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson). They discuss a number of timely topics, including connection, resilience, and The Wheel of Awareness.

Link to show notes for this episode. Katherine Reynolds Lewis is an independent journalist, author and speaker based in the Washington D.C. area on topics including parenting, children, education, mental health, technology, work, entrepreneurship, caregiving, diversity, equity and inclusion. Her award-winning book, The Good News About Bad Behavior (PublicAffairs, April 2018), explains why modern kids are so undisciplined and tells the stories of innovators who are rebuilding lost self-regulation, resolving family conflict and changing the trajectory of young lives. Based on the most-read article ever published by Mother Jones, the book documents a new model of discipline for a generation of children who are out of control.  Katherine is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, Md. Katherine contributes to The Atlantic, Experience Life, Medium, Parents, USA Today’s magazine group, the Washington Post and Working Mother magazine. Her byline has also appeared in Bloomberg Businessweek, Fortune, MSN Money, Money, the New York Times, Parade, Slate, and the Washington Post Magazine. She's appeared on CNN, NPR, Bloomberg television and radio, and HuffPost Live, as well as many TV and radio programs nationally and internationally. Big Ideas Kids today really do behave differently than in previous generations. It’s important to model to our kids how to calm down or stay in control when we are stressed so that they can learn what works best for them in their own situations. Connecting with your child goes a long way. Making mundane things fun by playing a game, timing it, or doing it in a different way are effective techniques worth trying with your kids. It’s important to reframe the way we look at a child’s misbehavior. Quotes Audrey: If we can't show our kids how to appropriately handle difficult situations, that's hard for them too. Audrey: There are things that we can do to positively influence our kids by being more aware of our own triggers and how we can respond more effectively in different situations. Katherine: And when you start modeling all of the many strategies there are for self-regulating, then your kids first of all see, Oh, it's normal to feel disregulated many times during the day and to need to bring yourself back under control. And then they start thinking, Oh well what would, what would work for me? Katherine: We always try to have this conversation of: I see you're starting to get worked up. I'm noticing your face is getting a little flushed. What do you think would help? Right. And the more that we start turning it back to our kids so that they tune in to their own bodies and their own needs, then they're going to find the solutions that work for them. Audrey: So these behaviors that we see, a lot of it is just that they are not able to comply if they don't have the skill yet. Katherine: The apprenticeship model is really viewing our kids as capable of growth and change. Katherine: Relationship is the foundation of self regulation. Katherine: Even if it's little by little by little, even if it's two step forward, one step back, having that faith and vision that our kids are able to succeed, if we can have that vision for them, then they can start to believe it and inhabit it as well. Katherine: The information you're getting from your kids through their behavior is just data and it helps you to figure out, okay, what might be going on? How can we potentially find a better path, um, through this challenge. Katherine: The apprenticeship model is these three Cs, connection, communication and capability building. Katherine: I think so often parents are asking authors like us, “What do I do? What's the technique that will make my kid be perfect? That will make them finally do what I, what they need to do in this situation.” But it really comes down to that relationship between you and your child. And I think that if you or I were in someone's home, we still wouldn't have all of the clues that the parent has to to really understand the dynamics and what might help and what might be the underlying issue. Audrey: It's fun for them. You've made it so that something that happens every day and is mundane suddenly is like appealing and kind of fun. Katherine: Sometimes if we can just lighten up as parents, have a little faith, and make it silly and playful, that's going to be the most effective way to just change the script a little bit so the kids aren't getting a long lecture or they're not earnestly sharing their feelings. They're just playing the game. Audrey: Sometimes it's just a matter of using things that you already use with other relationships more in your parent child relationship. Katherine: Everyone wants to feel that connection. They want to be listened to, have respectful communication, and they want to be seen as capable of growth. Audrey: I’m often talking to parents about that capability piece that actually making sure our kids know that they are valued and important contributors to our homes. Katherine: If we can instead say, “Oh great, I'm going to take the extra 20 minutes to teach you how to sweep or spray a bottle to wash the windows or chop up vegetables for salad, then it feeds that sense of belonging that is the deepest human need to feel that we belong in our family and our community, whatever group we're part of, that we're needed and that we authentically contribute. Audrey: It was neat to me to hear that the contribution goes beyond your home. And I think that's sort of the ultimate goal. Katherine: Instead of drilling our kids with flashcards or working on their times tables, if we could just say, “Hey, would you like to help me organize the spice rack?” That's going to be just as important, if not more to their success. Plus it's an activity we do together. They're helping our home. There's so many things packed into these simple household tasks that we can do together. Resources and Links Katherine Reynolds Lewis Website Book: The Good News about Bad Behavior Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, Maryland Explosive Child Book Lost at School Book Viral Story for Mother Jones Magazine Study Comparing Russian Kindergartners Today to Russian Kindergarteners 50 Years Ago One Simple Thing During this pandemic, a simple thing you can do to improve your own and others' well-being is to lower your expectations and standards for yourself and everyone else. I talked about this in my interview on the Happier in Hollywood podcast. I like the concept of the "Minimum Effective Dose" I learned from Dr. Christine Carter in her book, The Sweet Spot, and it seems especially helpful during this challenging time. The “minimum effective dose” (MED) is considered to be the lowest dose of a pharmaceutical product that spurs a clinically significant change in health or well-being. In order to live and work from my sweet spot, I had to find the MED in everything in my life: sleep, meditation, blogging frequency, checking my email, school volunteering, homework help, date nights. We have a deep-seated conviction that more work, more enrichment activities for the kids, more likes on Facebook or Instagram, more stuff would be better. Unless we like feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, we need to accept that more is not necessarily better and that our go-go-go culture, left unchecked, will push us not only beyond our MED — but beyond the “maximum tolerated dose,” the level at which an activity (or drug) becomes toxic and starts causing an adverse reaction. -Christine Carter, Ph.D. Want to listen to my conversations with Christine on the podcast? Ep. 127: The New Adolescence with Christine Carter, Ph.D. Ep. 41: Getting Comfortable with our Kids’ (and our own) Discomfort with Christine Carter Ep. 1: Raising Happiness with Christine Carter My Favorite Download Christine's free eBook, How to Gain an Extra Day Each Week: 3 Science-based Strategies to generate more time for the things things that matter most. I especially like Step 1 in Tactic No. 1 (Upgrade Your Task List): Decide on your Top Five priorities. Not just at work, but in life.  It's really hard to narrow down priorities, but it's an important first step in figuring out which tasks to prioritize. When I read The Sweet Spot several years ago, I spent some time figuring out my priorities. I pulled my copy out and saw that my number three priority was writing my book, which I only managed to do because I put it as one of five priorities. This pandemic has made it clear to me that I need to prioritize what's most important to me. Christine's book and advice helped me realize that having too many priorities scatters my attention and effort and makes me frustrated and less effective in the relationships and activities that I value most. Listener Question Hi! I am the in-school suspension lady at my school, and I need some kind of activities or lessons to teach my 5th through 8th graders when they get into a fight or defiance towards a teacher. Do you have any ideas? Mary • Connect, connect, connect! It's challenging when we have so many kids to manage, but connecting with children and letting them know that they are loved and cared for despite their behavior is so important. Instead of getting angry at the child for their behavior, look at them with curiosity. You can read more about why the child's behavior is likely due to their neurobiology and a lack of appropriate coping skills. My favorite books and videos on this topic are from Dr. Dan Sieigel and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., including their best-selling books, The Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, The Yes Brain, & The Power of Showing Up • Talk about calm down strategies when the child is in a calm state (not when they are agitated/ "in trouble") so that they can start learning to self-regulate. • Brainstorm what works for them. Empower the child to come up with their own ideas. For younger kids, you could have them make their own Conflict Resolution Wheel. I write a lot about strategies for connecting with kids and forming close relationships, as well as how to flip the script on traditional, punitive discipline, in my book, Happy Campers. I invite you to download a free chapter (Secret #1: Connection Comes First) and see if my book could be another resource for you! Video: Emotional Responsiveness with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. Ep. 95: Raising a “Yes Brain” Child with Tina Payne Bryson Ep. 97: Parenting the Challenging Child Ep. 110: Keep Calm & Parent On 10 Ways to Teach Kids to Calm Down 5 Steps to Help Kids Resolve Conflicts

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the co-author (with Dan Siegel) of two New York Times Best Sellers—The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline—each of which has been translated into dozens of languages, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up and the forthcoming Bottom Line for Baby. She is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice in Southern California. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she frequently consults with schools, businesses, and other organizations.  An LCSW, Tina is a graduate of Baylor University with a Ph.D. from USC. The most important part of her bio, she says, is that she's a mom to her three boys. Tina joins us to explain how we can guide children through the Covid-19 pandemic. You can learn more about Dr. Bryson at TinaBryson.com.

Learn How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in your Child Parenting is hard work. As parents try to mold and shape their children into becoming good people, they are faced with many contentious issues and may question, “how much screen time should I allow?” “Should I let them eat that?” or “What’s an appropriate bedtime?” Suddenly, parents turn into the bad guys and children often act out or shut down when asked to do something simple like turn off the TV. That’s because children typically respond with reactivity instead of receptivity; they have what Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson call a No Brain response. The good news is that brains have this little thing called neuroplasticity, which means it can change and adapt! Kids can be taught to approach life differently and with openness and curiosity. With a Yes Brain mindset, children are more willing to take chances and explore, they are more curious and imaginative. They become better at relationships and overcoming difficult situations. As you read, you’ll learn the four characteristics of a Yes Brain, why children are naturally selfish, and how to teach them to control their reactions and emotions. *** Do you want more free audiobook summaries like this? Download our app for free at QuickRead.com/App and get access to hundreds of free book and audiobook summaries.

A significant part of the body kindness practice is held in our relationships, especially parents and caregivers to children. As adults we understand there were ways in which our childhood needs were not met and with a deep desire to to better, we don’t want to mess it up. But we inevitably do and it’s OK. Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, New York Times Bestselling author of several books including her latest The Power of Showing Up, is here to help me as I get candid about my own difficulties to improve how I parent and care for myself. Tune in for her wisdom and to find out how the 4 S’s can help you “show up” for kids' well-being. --- About TinaDr. Tina Payne Bryson is the co-author (with Dan Siegel) of two New York Times Best Sellers—The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline—each of which has been translated into dozens of languages, as well as The Yes Brain and two upcoming titles, The Power of Showing Up and Bottom Line for Baby. She is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a  multidisciplinary  clinical practice, and of The Play Strong Institute, a center  devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopmental lens. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she frequently consults with schools, businesses, and other organizations.  An LCSW, Tina is a graduate of Baylor University with a Ph.D. from USC. The most important part of her bio, she says, is that she’s a mom to her three boys. You can learn more about Dr. Bryson at TinaBryson.com. Website | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook --- Get the Body Kindness book It's available wherever books and audiobooks are sold. Read reviews on Amazon and pick up your copy today! Order signed copies and bulk discounts here! --- Donate to support the show Thanks to our generous supporters! We're working toward our goal to fund the full season. Can you donate? Please visit our Go Fund Me page. --- Get started with Body Kindness Sign up to get started for free and stay up to date on the latest offerings --- Become a client Check out BodyKindnessBook.com/breakthrough for the latest groups and individual support sessions --- Subscribe to the podcastWe're on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and iHeartRadio. Enjoy the show? Please rate it on iTunes! Have a show idea or guest recommendation? E-mail podcast@bodykindnessbook.com to get in touch. --- Join the Facebook groupContinue the episode conversations with the hosts, guests, and fellow listeners on the Body Kindness Facebook group. See you there! Nothing in this podcast is meant to provide medical diagnosis, treatment, cure, or prevent any disease or condition. Individuals should consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical advice and answers to personal health questions.

Yes Brain, We Know Support Got it Memorized on Patreon and receive early episodes, monthly bonus episodes, and more!Join our Discord server here!Twitter + E-mail:@memorizecast@TheTravisW@GhostofJomemorizecast@gmail.comOur theme music is a remix of Dearly Beloved by Leg Day, courtesy of Game Chops!

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey AUDIOBOOK is available!! I am confident that the Joyful Courage audiobook will be a supportive companion as you ride it out with your kids – full of stories and tools that will connect you with self and others, the audiobook will be something you can listen to over and over and over again. Follow Joyful Courage on FB and IG, and sign up for my weekly newsletter at www.joyfulcourage.com/join :::: Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: Live and Love with Joyful Courage Joyful Courage for Parents of Teens :::: Today’s guests are Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson. Dan is an internationally acclaimed author, award winning educator and child psychiatrist. He is currently a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, where he also serves as a co investigator at the Center For Culture, Brain And Development, and co director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center. Dan co authored some of our favorite parenting books, including The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, and The Yes Brain. With the other guest joining us today, he also wrote Brainstorm: The Bible for Parents of Teens, Parenting From The Inside Out and Aware, which came out the summer of 2018 and he came on to discuss that book with me.    Dr. Tina Bryson is the other guest that we get to hear from today. She is the co author with Dan Segal of three New York Times bestsellers soon to be four and is the Executive Director of the Center for Connection in Pasadena, California. Tina is also a pediatric and adolescent, psychotherapist, she keynotes conferences, and conducts workshops for parents, educators and clinicians all over the world. There is so much more I could add to the bios of both of these guests I could truly go on and on. They're here today to share about their latest book, The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become, and How Their Brains get Wired.  Join us!   "One of the best ways for us to predict how well a kid turns out is by looking at this research from decades and decades and across many cultures that says that the way a parent shows up and whether the degree to which they provide secure attachment relationships, that this is a huge predictor for how well kids turn out on many things that we measure them on.” “The science of attachment is so powerful.”  “No matter what happened to you as a parent, how you come to make sense of what happened to allows you to be present.” “The brain wires based on the kinds of experiences we have.” “Every child is different. Every parent is different, every situation is different. And the key is really more about being present and attuning.” “What your child needs most from you is to show up.”  “The messiness, the disconnection, the inevitable ruptures. That's a part of life. The fact that there are ruptures doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means you're human.” “You can always begin again, knowing the direction you want to take.” “If we can show up in that moment, and help the other person feel safe and seen and sued. That's always the right answer.”  “It's about helping the child know, at the end of the day, that if something goes wrong, if they are in distress, if they have a need, we will see it, and we will show up for them flawed, not perfect.”  “This science is full of hope.” “It isn't about perfection, it's about presence”   What you’ll hear in this episode: Secure attachment as a predictor of future success  The Power of Showing Up What parents need to understand about attachment Does attachment involve just one attachment figure? The different ways parents can show up What attachment teaches kids The science of attachment and how it applies to everyday life  Mutual belonging and connection How experiences wire the brain Showing up for ourselves The value of a coherent narrative The 4 S’s Repairing ruptures What conflict can teach What the 4 S’s look like in action The difference between fostering attachment and being permissive Predictability as safety Expanding the container of consciousness and the window of tolerance Experiences with attachment across generations The ongoing opportunity for development Paths of Hope and where they lead Why parents need people to show up for us too Aiming for presence, not perfection Self as embodied and relational  Learning to tolerate uncertainty   Resources:  The Whole Brain Child No Drama Discipline The Yes Brain The Baby Book Eps 154: Dr. Dan Siegel Discussing the Science of Being Present The Power of Showing Up Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence Eps 100: Dr. Tina Bryson Supports Us With Brain Informed Parenting Eps 126: Tina Bryson is BACK teaching us about nurturing a YES BRAIN Brainstorm Parenting From The Inside Out    Where to find Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson: Dr. Tina Bryson Dr. Dan Siegel PATREON – Joyful Courage Super FAM For $5/month Joyful Courage Super FAM patrons get to be a part of a sweet little private FB community where I show up every Monday for a Q and A, and beginning in January 2020, I will be showing up every FRIDAY to tease apart the weekly podcast episode. You want to be a part of this – it is a fabulous way to give back. Go to www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage ::::: GET THE BOOK! Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child. THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!! ::::: Be a Subscriber Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!! CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!  

“Too often we forget that discipline really means to teach, not to punish. A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioural consequences.”  ― Daniel J. Siegel   In this episode, Dr. Siegel and I talk about: How to show up consistently for your child Why it's important to be a constant in your child's life How to empower your children with your example   Dr. Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. He is also the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute which focuses on the development of mindsight, which teaches insight, empathy, and integration in individuals, families and communities. Dr. Siegel has published extensively for both the professional and lay audiences. His five New York Times bestsellers are: Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, and two books with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D: The Whole-Brain Child, and No-Drama Discipline. His other books include: The Developing Mind, The Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology, Mindsight, The Mindful Brain, The Mindful Therapist, and also with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. - The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up (released 1/7/20). Dr. Siegel also serves as the Founding Editor for the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology which contains over seventy textbooks.   Check out Dr. Siegel's website at: www.drdansiegel.com. His new book,The Power of Showing Up, will be released tomorrow, 1/7/20.   Continue the conversation on Instagram @momisincontrol    

Everyone wants to be a good friend, and a great parent. Parenting isn't easy, but there might be some easy ways to simplify the big ideas and boil it down to a few core concepts. Today, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson joins the show to share how we can become better friends, parents, and people.Dr. Bryson is the bestselling author of The Whole Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, and The Yes Brain. She’s also the co-author of a new book The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired with Dr. Daniel Siegel.She’s also the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, and of The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopmental lens. She’s made regular appearances in Time, The New York Times, and The Huffington Post, as well as on shows like “Good Morning America.”Tina's website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedInSponsor Offer: For over 35 years, Dr. Rick Hanson has taught thousands of people how to feel less stressed, have more fulfilling relationships, and find a deep sense of self-worth. He's now sharing the lessons of a lifetime in one step-by-step, down-to-earth online program: The Foundations of Well-Being.If you’d like to learn more about the Foundations Program, follow this link. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price.Connect with the show:Visit us on the webFollow us on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookSubscribe on iTunesTimestamps:03:45: Why focus on “showing up?”08:27: Why is it so important to be “predictable?”13:01: The 4 S’s.21:02: How do you respond to parents who hear your information and realize they handled their kids poorly?29:19: Describing what it means to be “Soothed” and “Secure”35:27: For those who were in imperfect environments growing up, how can they become more securely attached as adults?40:12: How can we approach people who aren’t equally good to us? 49:12: What would you tell a younger version of yourself?

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the Executive Director of the Center for Connection in Pasenda, CA, mother of three boys, and a longtime attachment researcher. Along with her coauthor, Dr. Daniel Siegel, Dr. Bryson has written numerous books including the Whole Brained Child, the Yes Brain, No Drama Discipline and the upcoming The Power of Showing Up. If fact, if you’d like get the chance to get free copy of her The Power of Showing Up, please leave an iTunes review to enter a drawing for the book. I’ll announce the winner in the next podcast and send one along to you. I’ve learned a lot from Dr. Bryson over the course of the last several years and was so excited to get her around the campfire to talk. I’ve not met anyone who can make the incredible advances in brain research both understandable and applicable better than Dr. Bryson. I hope you’ll enjoy this Campfire Conversation with Dr. Tina Bryson.

Show notes & links available here. Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is one of my favorite people. She's a psychotherapist, founder and executive director of the Center for Connection in Pasadena, California, and co-author with Dr. Daniel Siegel of four of my favorite books, including her most recent one (out on January 7, 2020):  The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become And How Their Brains Get Wired. Over the past several years, I've had the privilege of getting to know Tina not just as an amazing speaker and author but as a phenomenal person and friend. She even wrote the foreword for my book, Happy Campers! In The Power of Showing Up, Tina and Dan share important research and findings about childhood attachment and how being present for our kids is so vital for their healthy development. This book is helpful not only for parents but also for adults who want to better understand how their own childhoods impact their adult relationships and how to change generational patterns of insecure attachment. Big Ideas One of the best predictors for how well kids turn out is that they have a secure attachment with at least one person. As discussed in the conclusion of the Whole Brain Child, the most important thing a parent can do is to show up and really be present for their children, helping them build secure attachments. Showing up means offering a quality of presence. And it’s simple to provide once you understand the four building blocks of a child’s healthy development. Every child needs to feel what Siegel and Bryson call the Four S’s: Safe: We can’t always insulate a child from injury or avoid doing something that leads to hurt feelings. But when we give a child a sense of safe harbor, she will be able to take the needed risks for growth and change. Seen: Truly seeing a child means we pay attention to his emotions—both positive and negative—and strive to attune to what’s happening in his mind beneath his behavior. Soothed: Soothing isn’t about providing a life of ease; it’s about teaching your child how to cope when life gets hard, and showing him that you’ll be there with him along the way. A soothed child knows that he’ll never have to suffer alone. Secure: When a child knows she can count on you, time and again, to show up—when you reliably provide safety, focus on seeing her, and soothe her in times of need, she will trust in a feeling of secure attachment. And thrive! There are 4 different types of childhood attachment based on parenting patterns: Abusive, frightening parenting leads to disorganized attachment. Avoidant attachment results when parents avoid dealing with the emotional needs of a child. Intimacy is lacking and parents are not tuned into the internal world. This type of parenting results in children who shut down emotionally and they grow up to also have this dismissive pattern. The anxious parent is really unpredictable or even intrusive. The parent's emotions take over and flood into what's happening. This results in clingy, unpredictable behavior and ambivalent attachment. The "Good Enough" parent is one who shows up when needed. This secure, optimal attachment pattern can be full of ruptures and mistakes as long as reparations are made with kids. They get the message: "You're safe. I'm with you. We'll figure it out together." When kids feel safe, seen and soothed most of the time, their brains are wired to securely know that if they're having a hard time or in distress, someone will see it and show up for them. Repeated kinds of secure attachment experiences build the middle prefrontal cortex. This is the seat of insight, empathy, emotional regulation, bodily regulation, attuned communication, intuition, morality, executive function, the part of the brain that allows us to be mentally healthy and to have a wide window of tolerance to withstand adversity. We live in a time when there is so much distraction, disconnection, and despair. The antidote is being present with each other and really focusing on connection. Quotes Tina: "There is one thing that can really be our North star in our relationships as caregivers with our children. And it actually applies to all of our relationships. One of the best predictors for how well kids turn out is that they have a secure attachment with at least one person." Tina: "This to me is the most important of all of the things I know and all the things I've ever studied or written about or talked about. This is the one most important thing." Audrey: "About 10 years ago when the Whole Brain Child came out, it wasn't as hard to show up as parents. Now, we are so fragmented and it's more normal to be distracted and not present. It's so interesting to me how the concept of mindfulness has exploded. Basically, it's just being where you are and with the person you're with. It's not some crazy concept, it's just something that now we need to intentionally practice because it's no longer common." Tina: "This whole achievement-based way that we define success, and the focus on what kind of college your kid gets into, has really driven our parenting to this kind of hyper-parenting space where it's even harder to be present and see our kids and know our kids. That hyper-parenting is seen as the norm. And that's not what the science says that we should be doing, it's kind of the opposite." Tina: "It's the experience we have, in particular, the repeated experiences, and even more particularly repeated relational experiences that have a huge impact on how our brain wires. So if our homes are frenetic and chaotic, and we're constantly over-scheduled and distracted and disconnected, constantly trying to just make it to the next thing, those are the kinds of experiences that are wiring the brain for that kind of pace, hyper-alert and never calm. It breeds anxiety. Instead think about how we can create environments or relationships that are actually safe havens, a safe harbor for the ship out in the storm." Tina: "Attachment really is a mammal thing. It goes beyond humans and at it's basic, its that when we are in danger or distress, we go to an attachment figure that will help us be safe and survive. We are biologically programmed to choose someone to help us. So when parents provide that secure attachment, which looks like the 4 S's of safe, seen, soothed, then over time that leads to secure." Tina: "You can imagine how powerful it is to give the gift of security to kids because then they find relationships, like friends and partners, that they expect to see them and show up for them. Ultimately what happens is that their brain is wired to provide the 4 S's for themselves, so they can help themselves feel safe, seen and soothed." Audrey: "Sometimes when parents think of the word safe, it can lead to over-parenting and not allowing our kids to climb up the jungle gym or do these things that are a little bit risky. Keeping your kids safe does not mean putting the bubble wrap on and not letting them ever go anywhere or do anything." Tina: "If we overprotect them, that is actually not making them safe. That makes them fragile. The way we learn how to be resilient and how to handle difficult things is by practicing sitting in, dealing with and walking through difficult stuff." Tina: "It means walking with them through it and allowing them to do it. It's also not permissive. It's also having boundaries where your kids know that you mean business and you're going to hold the boundary. That actually makes them feel safe." Tina: "Just showing up in that moment with my presence is all my child really needs. That's the key." Tina: "There are so many competing things for what we should be doing as parents. We beat ourselves up for not doing enough and there are moments when I don't know what to do or if my instinct is right." Audrey: "It's not about being permissive. When your child's upset about something, it's not about giving in to them. In fact, that's not right. You need to hold the boundary, but you can do it nicely. I think parents sometimes think they have to be harsh to hold a boundary because maybe that's what was modeled for them." Tina: "The most important thing at any given moment is to really be present. We need to do our own work and have our own self-care so that we have the capacity to do it." Tina: "If we didn't have that modeled for us or we didn't have our brains wired in that way because we had parents who were scary or who were emotionally dismissing or who made things worse instead of soothing us, we need to make sure we have people in our lives that show up for us and give us the 4 S's so that our tank gets full so that we can do that." Tina: "I think it's such a good way to live. It's not just with our kids, but you know, when you're in the store checking out, making sure you're not on your phone and you're making eye contact with the person and just asking how are you today? Or you know, has it been really busy? Be present in whatever moments you have because it's better for the world." Audrey: "We don't have to be perfect, we can just do the basic human showing up stuff." Tina: "That's also a good thing to remember: Not perfect, but present. That's just a good little mantra."   Related Helping Kids Find Their “Green Zone” (and Finding our Own!) Ep. 20: The Yes Brain with Tina Payne Bryson, PhD   Ep. 95: Raising a “Yes Brain” Child with Tina Payne Bryson The Yes Brain with Tina Payne Bryson Connection Through Questions 11 Ways to Help Kids Create REAL Connections Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. Learn more about Tina by visiting her websites: The Center for Connection Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. Other Books by Tina Payne Bryson and Dr. Dan Siegel: The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind No Drama Discipline The YES Brain

One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them.On today’s Broken Brain Podcast, our host, Dhru, talks to Dr. Tina Bryson, the founder and executive director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice, and The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopmental lens.She is a licensed clinical social worker, providing pediatric and adolescent psychotherapy and parenting consultations. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, clinicians, and industry leaders around the world. She is the co-author, with Dan Siegel, of The Yes Brain and the New York Times bestsellers The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline, as well as the upcoming Bottom Line for Baby. She earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California and lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children.In this episode, Dhru and Dr. Bryson talk about what it means to be present and really show up for our kids, even if our own caregiver wasn’t really present. They discuss how to develop secure attachment in your kids and how providing a calm, safe presence can radically change how a child’s brain develops. They also talk about how every child needs to feel what Tina calls the Four S’s: safe, seen, soothed, and secure, and strategies for implementing them into your child’s daily life. In this episode, we dive into:-The best predictor for how well our kids turn out is how we show up as parents (1:50)-How the attachment between a parent and child impacts the development of a child’s brain (5:20) -The Strange Situation Study (7:47)-The four attachment patterns (15:36)-Why secure attachment is the ultimate goal in parenting (23:44) -A parents two primary jobs when it comes to making their kids feel safe (26:58) -Why traditional forms of disciple are counterproductive (32:10)-Understanding what's really underneath your child's behavior and helping them feel seen (35:50) -The most powerful way to help your child in a state of distress (47:21)-Behaviors that can manifest as adults when not feeling safe, seen, soothed and secure as a child (1:10:05)-Where to learn more about Dr. Tina Bryson (1:25:06)For more on Dr. Tina Bryson, be sure to follow her on Instagram @tinapaynebryson, and on Facebook @tinapaynebrysonphd. Check out her website https://www.tinabryson.com. You can find Tina’s book, The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired, right here. Sponsor: This episode is sponsored by our partnership with the AquaTru Water Filter. To get exclusive access to this deal visit www.brokenbrain.com/filter See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Did you know that allowing your kids to be dependent actually allows them to be Independent?  we get stressed and worried about where kids are, in terms of what they can and can't do, that we lose our objectivity.  This means we can't see that our kids need to take the time they need to learn developmental skills.  We are often impatient and get caught up in the busyness of life and trying to get them to do things, often too early, that we are actually getting in the way of letting natural development to unfold. I’ll share with you when you should push your child and when you should provide a cushion for them.  Learn about the most important three letter word to add to your kids’ vocabulary (and yours!). You may feel totally justified in pushing your child do something, but they’re really resistant.  What do you do then?  I ask you to consider what you are demanding of your kids and why.  Could it be that what the issue isn’t that your child is resistant but rather, the problem is what you are demanding of them in the first place?  Listen on to find out all these answers and more!   About Robbin McManne Robbin is a Certified Parent Coach, author and speaker.  She works with parents from all over the world to help them build more connection and find more joy and cooperation to their parenting. Robbin is a former ‘Angry Mom’ and for over 12 years, Robbin juggled a full-time corporate career while being a mom and wife, prior to becoming a Parenting Coach.  In her corporate career, Robbin has a background in marketing and public relations, training, and event planning. She understands firsthand how many moms struggle to balance work and family.  It’s because of her struggles as a parent that she found the world of peaceful parenting and has dedicated her life to teaching parents how to build a strong family, so their kids thrive.  Robbin’s work focuses on building and strengthening the parent child relationship so that children grow up with resilience, confidence and strong emotional intelligence.  She works with parents to help them understand their own emotions and frustrations in parenting, so they can help build their children’s sense of self without losing themselves in the process! In October of 2018 Robbin released her first book, “The Yelling Cure – How stress less and get your kids to cooperate without threats & punishments.” Her book is being read by parents all over the world 1000,000 copies sold to date. www.yellingcurebook.com Robbin divides her time working with her clients, speaking at events and spending time with her two boys and husband.  You can usually find her at a hockey rink or sports field cheering on her boys. Most importantly, Robbin has changed the way she parents and connects with her sons and is dedicated to helping parents find the same joy, connection and cooperation in their families. www.yellingcurebook.com Robbin@parentingforconnection.com www.parentingforconnection.com www.facebook.com/parenting4connection www.instagram.com/robbinmcmanne_parentcoach   From the Podcast: When should we push and when do we provide a cushion? Use these considerations.  Adapted from “The Yes Brain” by Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson When should we push? At times our kids need us to challenge them to go beyond themselves and remove their self-imposed bubble wrap and ask them to risk facing challenges they’re not used to.  You can challenge your kids and allow them to develop resilience and strength and toughness and grit. Here you are pushing the envelope…not physically pushing them into danger! When we step in and rescue a child from a problem they can handle on their own, we short-circuit their opportunity to learn how to address a difficult issue or understand their capacity to handle hard stuff When do we provide a cushion? If you pushing your child causes stress which then floods their nervous systems into distress because they aren’t ready and it’s just too uncomfortable for them, it can backfire and make them more dependent, fearful and less willing to try new things.  You can also provide a cushion when they are facing an obstacle too big or a challenge they simply can’t address by themselves. Something they truly can’t handle themselves.   Considerations for Pushin’ and Cushion   What is your child’s temperament and developmental stage? – what can seem like a baby step might feel like jumping off a cliff for your child so they might need to take baby steps and offer a bit more of a cushion.  Or maybe your child could withstand some discomfort and might need more pushing.        What does your child need right now? Pay attention to how your child responds and what that exposes about their needs in this moment.  Attune to the actual internal experience and not what you think they should be feeling.       Are you clear on what the real issue is? Do you know why your child is resisting facing this obstacle or dealing with this particular challenge?  This requires you to talk to your child and understand what the real issue is. Then you can help them problem solve – make sure this isn’t about you and your own insecurities.       What messages do you send about risk-taking and failure?  What we want to be passing along here is a life lesson.  Sometimes you have to face your fears and be willing to try and fail.  Is failure ever acceptable to you? Do you send messages about doing everything just right or perfectly?  Is mistake ever embraced as a learning opportunity in your family? Mistakes are a part of life and a shared human experience so they should be as normal as successes.   Does your child need skills to handle potential (and inevitable) failure?  The goal isn’t to protect your child from failure but to build skills that lead to overcoming adversity.  Like something being difficult doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Introduce the concept of yet when you child says I can’t do it or I’m not ready.  Invite them to add the word yet. This promotes an attitude of possibility that offers tremendous power that plants the seed for your child that they will be able to succeed and achieve as long as they’re willing to prepare themselves to persist and to work toward that success   One of the most powerful words you can add to both your and your child’s vocabulary is the word YET.  Check out Sesame Street’s video “The Power of Yet”  https://youtu.be/XLeUvZvuvAs Here are some great examples of how to use it.  I can’t do this …YET This doesn’t work …YET I don’t know …YET It doesn’t make sense …YET I don’t get it …YET I’m not good at this …YET   There is a difference between not knowing and not knowing YET Thanks for listening! It means so much to me that you listened to my podcast! If you would like to continue the conversation with me, head on over to www.facebook.com/parenting4connection   With this podcast, my intention is to build a community of parents that can have open and honest conversations about parenting without judgement or criticism.  We have too much of that! I honor each parent and their path towards becoming the best parent they can be. My hope is to inspire more parents to consider the practice of Peaceful Parenting. If you know somebody who would benefit from this message, or would be an awesome addition to our community, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.  Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe on the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave a review I appreciate every bit of feedback to make this a value-adding part of your day. Ratings and reviews from listeners not only help me improve but also help others find me in their podcast app. If you have a minute, an honest review on iTunes goes a long way! Thank You!!  

“Every single child has an inner spark–a combination of a unique temperament and various experiences–and we want to fan that flame to help kids become happy, healthy, and internally driven to be the ‘best them' they can become.” - Dr Tina Payne Bryson and Dr Dan Siegel Children can often act out or shut down when faced with a setback or a tricky issue like homework, food or screen time. Our guest calls the ‘No Brain' response. But you can help develop the ability to cope, solve their own problems and thrive by nurturing the ‘Yes Brain'. Drawing on her successful work with thousands of parents and children from all backgrounds, our guest provides the advice, tools and activities to help parents and children of all ages. This is what the ‘Yes Brain' approach looks like in action: *A 5-year-old boy thinks about his first day at school and says, ‘I'm nervous but I'll give it a try.' *An 8-year-old girl says, ‘I'd like to join the football team, even though none of my friends like football.' *A 14-year-old boy looks at a test he's earned a D- for and says, ‘That's not the mark I wanted but it's not the end of the world. I'll ask the teacher how I can improve.' I would like to add to all that a Yes Brain is what we need in business environments today. A mind open to possibility and with the ability to control emotion and recognise when fear is a blocker. So please do listen to this show as a parent, a corporate innovator, change-maker or out of pure curiosity. We welcome the author of “The Yes Brain Child: Help Your Child be More Resilient, Independent and Creative”, Dr Tina Payne Bryson, thank you We discuss: Yes and No brains The Prefrontal Cortex Neuroplasticity Social and Emotional Intelligence Response Techniques Empathy Attuned Communication Self Regulation Overcoming Fear Building Resilience Intuition and Morality Integration Tolerating Discomfort Perspective Simple tools to help activate the Yes Brain More about Tina here: https://www.tinabryson.com

Episode 95 is a replay of one of my most popular episodes (Ep. 20) with a new intro and additional tips. In this episode, I interview Tina Payne Bryson about the book she co-authored with Dr. Dan Siegel, The Yes Brain- How To Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience In Your Child. We talk about what a "Yes Brain" is, how it's different from a "No Brain," why it's so important to cultivate "yes brains" in our children and in ourselves, and strategies for enlarging our "green zones." Big Ideas • The brain is either in a receptive state or a reactive state. • A "Yes Brain" is open and resilient in the world. • A "No Brain" is shut down and reactive in the world. • The Green Zone is a Yes Brain state. • The Blue Zone is a reactive state where our nervous system is turned down too far. • When we are in the Red Zone or the Blue Zone, we are in a reactive state. • The goal is to expand the Green Zone over time. • A fear state is a No Brain state. • The point of discipline is to teach, so in order to become disciplined, kids need to be in a state of mind in which they can actually learn. This is the Green Zone. • If a child is falling apart, they need connection and empathy. Connection and empathy will calm their nervous system down quickly. Quotes Tina: "The brain is either in a receptive state or it's in a reactive state. So we're calling those states a 'yes' state and a 'no' state- a Yes Brain and a No Brain." Tina: "A Yes Brain is one that is open, and receptive, and resilient. It's one that, even when something is really hard, will be willing to stick with it. We're willing to push through and stay calm enough on the inside so that we can be curious, and creative, and really handle ourselves well, even when things are not going well." Tina: "A No Brain, on the opposite side of that, is a brain that is shut down and rigid. It's like those times when our kids are unwilling to try something new, or they're really hard on themselves, or they are full of fear or anger, and they're reactive and lash out." Tina: "A Yes Brain is one that is open and resilient in the world, and No Brain is one that is shut down and reactive in the world." Audrey: "Adults still struggle with those things. We all have those things that trigger us into our No Brain, and we say and do things that we wish we hadn't afterwards." Tina: "One of the hallmarks of all of our books is that at the end of the book is a 'refrigerator sheet'. So the big ideas of the book, the summary, and the main bullet points are in a 'refrigerator sheet' so you can make a copy of it and reference it." Tina: "The cartoons give kids actual tools that they can use to help them to have more of a Yes Brain approach in the world." Tina: "The Green Zone is really a Yes Brain state." Tina: "When you get really afraid or angry, or you're having a really hard time, you're more in a reactive state, you feel it in your body. Your heart beats faster, your muscles tense up, all those kinds of things. We would call that the Red Zone." Tina: "The Blue Zone is also a reactive state where our nervous system is turned down too far." Tina: "When we are in the Red Zone or the Blue Zone, we are in a reactive state. We can't really handle ourselves well and we aren't really being resilient in the moment. Tina: "The Green Zone is the Yes Brain state where even if things are frustrating, or scary, or really fun, or whatever it is, that we are balanced in our bodies and our minds, so that we can be the most resilient, and curious, and creative, and problem solvers." Tina: "I talk to parents, and educators, and clinicians, and camp counselors about how we can think about our goals as caregivers of other children- and even of ourselves." Tina: "The goal is to expand the Green Zone over time. This is a survive and thrive sort of mentality." Tina: "The key is that we want to find out specifically what the fears (around going to camp) are." Tina: "Approach the child with your own Yes Brain, in a very curious, open state. You want to give them specific tools. You want to allow them to sit in the discomfort of their feelings and not distract them from it." Tina: "We acknowledge the feeling, we sit in the feeling, but we don't get stuck in the feeling." Tina: "A fear state is a No Brain state. It's natural and normal, and we all feel it at times. The key is not to say 'I should never feel that way'. The key is 'How do I help my child go from that state into one where they can tolerate it and become triumphant?'." Tina: "We want just the right amount of stress, just the right amount of challenge for children because then they can do it triumphantly." Tina: "The whole point of discipline is to teach, so kids have to be in a state of mind in which they can actually learn, which is the Green Zone." Tina: "The number one thing you can do in the moment if your child is falling apart, is connection and empathy." Tina: "In a No Brain state, a reactive state where we're not thinking clearly, our nervous system is actually in a state of stress-response, as if something's threatening or actually happening. And the thing that calms our nervous system down more than anything else, and allows us to return to that calm Green Zone state, is safety and connection." Tina: "Sometimes Red Zone states of mind lead to really bad behavior." Tina: "The quickest thing to calm the nervous system down is empathy and connection." Tina: "The Red Zone becomes contagious." Tina: "If you're screaming at someone, basically you're threatening them. When our brains detect threat, they go into a reactive state in order to survive." Tina: "One way we can bring in empathy and connection is to sit in a really relaxed posture, below the child's eye level. And stop lecturing and say something empathetic, like 'Oh, buddy, you're so angry right now. You're having such a hard time and I can see how upset you are'. And also say 'I'm right here with you.'." Tina: "The empathy piece allows the child to feel safe and allows their nervous system to go into a state of connection. And it reintegrates the brain and allows them to be sane again." Tina: "Movement helps release some of that Red Zone energy." Tina: "One of the best things we can do as parents if we're in the Red Zone, is to activate a different neural network by how we move our bodies, how we talk and use our voices. Tina: "All of our books are written with the exhausted, blurry-eyed parent in mind, and they really are quick reads." About Tina Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the co-author (with Dan Siegel) of THE YES BRAIN (Random House, 2018) and the upcoming THE POWER OF SHOWING UP (Random House, 2020), as well as two New York Times bestsellers -- THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD (Random House Delacorte, 2011), and NO-DRAMA DISCIPLINE (Random House Bantam, 2014) -- each of which has been translated into over thirty languages. Tina is also working on a new book, THE BOTTOM LINE FOR BABY. Tina is a psychotherapist and the Founder/Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice, and of The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopment lens. Links Tina's Website Dr. Dan Siegel's Website The Center for Connection Other Books by Tina Payne Bryson and Dr. Dan Siegel: The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind No Drama Discipline The Power of Showing Up (January, 2020) - I've already pre-ordered! Related Posts, Podcast Episodes, & Videos: Helping Kids Find Their "Green Zone" The Yes Brain Ep. 30: How to Raise a Durable Human with JJ Madden Ep. 71: Growing Your Child's "Bushy Broccoli Brain" 10 Ways to Teach Kids to Calm Down Tina Talking about "The YES Brain at Camp" Tina introducing The YES Brain (before the book release)

Elle Russ chats with Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. - a graduate of Harvard Medical School who completed his postgraduate medical education at UCLA with training in pediatrics and child, adolescent, and adult psychiatry. He is currently a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, founding co-director of UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center, founding co-investigator at the UCLA Center for Culture, Brain and Development, and executive director of the Mindsight Institute, an educational center devoted to promoting insight, compassion, and empathy in individuals, families, institutions, and communities. Dr. Siegel’s psychotherapy practice spans thirty years, and he has published extensively for the professional audience. He serves as the Founding Editor for the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology which includes over 70 textbooks. Dr. Siegel’s books include his five New York Times bestsellers: Aware: The science and practice of presence; Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human, and two books with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.: The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline. His other books include: The Developing Mind (2nd Ed.), The Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology, Mindsight, The Mindful Brain, The Mindful Therapist, Parenting from the Inside Out (with Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.), The Yes Brain (also with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D). He has been invited to lecture for the King of Thailand, Pope John Paul II, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Google University, and TEDx.    SELECTED LINKS www.DrDanSiegel.com  www.mindsightinstitute.com.

My guest is Heidi Crockett. She is a highly qualified sexual health educator and speaker on stress and sex. She is also the author of The Neuroscience of Dating and Caregiver Stress: Neurobiology to the Rescue. In addition, Heidi is a licensed psychotherapist and studied sexual health postgraduate at the University of Michigan.In this episode, Heidi takes on through the wide world of neuroscience, mindfulness, and sexuality. Some of the subject matter she talks about may sound technical, but Heidi explains it a clear and compelling way.Listen in and learn a ton about relational neuroscience, meditation, and even dating!Yes Brain in the Bedroom – it’s Relational NeuroscienceIt’s technically called interpersonal neurobiology, but because that’s even more of a mouthful than relational neuroscience, the latter wins out for this episode!It’s an interdisciplinary science, meaning that it spans across multiple scientific disciplines and schools of thought into an eclectic field. And at the heart of it is called ‘integration’.This means that a combination of differentiation and linkage lead to integration. In other words, if while listening to this episode, you actively start to notice your breath while you are listening to Heidi speak, you are differentiating her words from your internal experience. This is called ‘sifting’. Moving beyond this, once you move back to Heidi’s words and understand new terms she introduces, you can link back up within the context that she frames.For more on this and a breakdown of relational neuroscience, including how our brain relates to its outside environment, listen in! Heidi does a great job of explaining the science in a digestible way.Examples of Low and High IntegrationUsing addiction as a framework for explaining the varying levels of integration, Heidi explains that low integration has more to do with someone who is reactive and impulsive. And by reactive, this means that they function on a trigger-action-reward basis as underlined by Judson Brewer in his book, The Craving Mind.High integration, on the other hand, has more to do with inhibiting those reactive and impulsive behaviors.So in the context of the bedroom, it is much easier to go on autopilot, as Heidi states. This means on average we all tend to be low integration in the bedroom, instead of inhibiting the trigger-action-reward state and work towards high integration practices.Much more within!The Power of MeditationHeidi says that the secret sauce for good sex has to do with kindness and compassion for others. She mentions Daniel Siegel’s book Aware as an inspiration for the power of meditation and the three pillars of awareness that he talks about; but she also mentions that meditation quiets down the Default Mode Network in the brain.The Default Mode Network has to do with the “I” part of the brain that is on in the background, and which we can usually relate to autopilot types of thinking. It is the baseline mode of consciousness. Meditation can quiet the DFN and lead to more awareness, which in turn leads to a present awareness in the bedroom!This is just a small portion of what Heidi talks about though. Check it out!How This All Applies to SexWhen considering meditation and how this relates to differentiation, linkage, and integration, there are a number of exercises that can be utilized for better sex using these principles. For those who may feel pressured to perform, where touch escalates and the pressures of performance can lead to anxiety or a sudden lack of desire, mindfulness can help in a real way.When talking about a couple and each of their own unique means of arousal, Heidi says that the goal is to differentiate what turns each person on. A couple wants to be comfortable with their desire and ability to become aroused, independent of one another. The end goal is then to link those differentiated desires together, which will lead to high integration.Heidi also talks about seeing the world through the prefrontal cortex instead of the limbic system and why this is important to consider.Heidi Talks About Her Book: The Neuroscience of DatingHeidi uses her book to point out the concept of couple enlightenment. This means that during high integration, the couple is unified. This means the couple is highly differentiated from the rest of the world and then highly linked with each other.She shares what she calls the 2 protective principles for dating. They are: “Don’t make yourself financially vulnerable,” and “don’t make yourself sexually vulnerable.” So, determining your principles is important, and then using those as a metric for potential long-term partners is the right way to assure you won’t be wasting each other’s time in the long run.In addition to this, Heidi reminds that we need to maintain executive function during dating. Letting the reptilian brain win out is a recipe for disaster.For much more on this fascinating talk, listen in!Key Links for Heidi: For more about interpersonal neurobiology: http://www.greenlightheidi.com/about_me/Her two blogs: http://www.greenlightheidi.com/ http://redlightheidi.com/Affiliate links for books:Her book, The Neuroscience of Dating: https://amzn.to/2Ho3b1fBooks that Heidi references during the show:Aware: https://amzn.to/2HpBgxYThe Craving Mind: https://amzn.to/2Ho3ER3Mindsight: https://amzn.to/2Q9JQUqBetter Sex Through Mindfulness: https://amzn.to/2VArBJ0In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: https://amzn.to/2LUXsV8More info:Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

My guest is Heidi Crockett. She is a highly qualified sexual health educator and speaker on stress and sex. She is also the author of The Neuroscience of Dating and Caregiver Stress: Neurobiology to the Rescue. In addition, Heidi is a licensed psychotherapist and studied sexual health postgraduate at the University of Michigan.In this episode, Heidi takes on through the wide world of neuroscience, mindfulness, and sexuality. Some of the subject matter she talks about may sound technical, but Heidi explains it a clear and compelling way.Listen in and learn a ton about relational neuroscience, meditation, and even dating!Yes Brain in the Bedroom – it’s Relational NeuroscienceIt’s technically called interpersonal neurobiology, but because that’s even more of a mouthful than relational neuroscience, the latter wins out for this episode!It’s an interdisciplinary science, meaning that it spans across multiple scientific disciplines and schools of thought into an eclectic field. And at the heart of it is called ‘integration’.This means that a combination of differentiation and linkage lead to integration. In other words, if while listening to this episode, you actively start to notice your breath while you are listening to Heidi speak, you are differentiating her words from your internal experience. This is called ‘sifting’. Moving beyond this, once you move back to Heidi’s words and understand new terms she introduces, you can link back up within the context that she frames.For more on this and a breakdown of relational neuroscience, including how our brain relates to its outside environment, listen in! Heidi does a great job of explaining the science in a digestible way.Examples of Low and High IntegrationUsing addiction as a framework for explaining the varying levels of integration, Heidi explains that low integration has more to do with someone who is reactive and impulsive. And by reactive, this means that they function on a trigger-action-reward basis as underlined by Judson Brewer in his book, The Craving Mind.High integration, on the other hand, has more to do with inhibiting those reactive and impulsive behaviors.So in the context of the bedroom, it is much easier to go on autopilot, as Heidi states. This means on average we all tend to be low integration in the bedroom, instead of inhibiting the trigger-action-reward state and work towards high integration practices.Much more within!The Power of MeditationHeidi says that the secret sauce for good sex has to do with kindness and compassion for others. She mentions Daniel Siegel’s book Aware as an inspiration for the power of meditation and the three pillars of awareness that he talks about; but she also mentions that meditation quiets down the Default Mode Network in the brain.The Default Mode Network has to do with the “I” part of the brain that is on in the background, and which we can usually relate to autopilot types of thinking. It is the baseline mode of consciousness. Meditation can quiet the DFN and lead to more awareness, which in turn leads to a present awareness in the bedroom!This is just a small portion of what Heidi talks about though. Check it out!How This All Applies to SexWhen considering meditation and how this relates to differentiation, linkage, and integration, there are a number of exercises that can be utilized for better sex using these principles. For those who may feel pressured to perform, where touch escalates and the pressures of performance can lead to anxiety or a sudden lack of desire, mindfulness can help in a real way.When talking about a couple and each of their own unique means of arousal, Heidi says that the goal is to differentiate what turns each person on. A couple wants to be comfortable with their desire and ability to become aroused, independent of one another. The end goal is then to link those differentiated desires together, which will lead to high integration.Heidi also talks about seeing the world through the prefrontal cortex instead of the limbic system and why this is important to consider.Heidi Talks About Her Book: The Neuroscience of DatingHeidi uses her book to point out the concept of couple enlightenment. This means that during high integration, the couple is unified. This means the couple is highly differentiated from the rest of the world and then highly linked with each other.She shares what she calls the 2 protective principles for dating. They are: “Don’t make yourself financially vulnerable,” and “don’t make yourself sexually vulnerable.” So, determining your principles is important, and then using those as a metric for potential long-term partners is the right way to assure you won’t be wasting each other’s time in the long run.In addition to this, Heidi reminds that we need to maintain executive function during dating. Letting the reptilian brain win out is a recipe for disaster.For much more on this fascinating talk, listen in!Key Links for Heidi: For more about interpersonal neurobiology: http://www.greenlightheidi.com/about_me/Her two blogs: http://www.greenlightheidi.com/ http://redlightheidi.com/Affiliate links for books:Her book, The Neuroscience of Dating: https://amzn.to/2Ho3b1fBooks that Heidi references during the show:Aware: https://amzn.to/2HpBgxYThe Craving Mind: https://amzn.to/2Ho3ER3Mindsight: https://amzn.to/2Q9JQUqBetter Sex Through Mindfulness: https://amzn.to/2VArBJ0In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: https://amzn.to/2LUXsV8More info:Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

My guest is Heidi Crockett. She is a highly qualified sexual health educator and speaker on stress and sex. She is also the author of The Neuroscience of Dating and Caregiver Stress: Neurobiology to the Rescue. In addition, Heidi is a licensed psychotherapist and studied sexual health postgraduate at the University of Michigan.In this episode, Heidi takes on through the wide world of neuroscience, mindfulness, and sexuality. Some of the subject matter she talks about may sound technical, but Heidi explains it a clear and compelling way.Listen in and learn a ton about relational neuroscience, meditation, and even dating!Yes Brain in the Bedroom – it’s Relational NeuroscienceIt’s technically called interpersonal neurobiology, but because that’s even more of a mouthful than relational neuroscience, the latter wins out for this episode!It’s an interdisciplinary science, meaning that it spans across multiple scientific disciplines and schools of thought into an eclectic field. And at the heart of it is called ‘integration’.This means that a combination of differentiation and linkage lead to integration. In other words, if while listening to this episode, you actively start to notice your breath while you are listening to Heidi speak, you are differentiating her words from your internal experience. This is called ‘sifting’. Moving beyond this, once you move back to Heidi’s words and understand new terms she introduces, you can link back up within the context that she frames.For more on this and a breakdown of relational neuroscience, including how our brain relates to its outside environment, listen in! Heidi does a great job of explaining the science in a digestible way.Examples of Low and High IntegrationUsing addiction as a framework for explaining the varying levels of integration, Heidi explains that low integration has more to do with someone who is reactive and impulsive. And by reactive, this means that they function on a trigger-action-reward basis as underlined by Judson Brewer in his book, The Craving Mind.High integration, on the other hand, has more to do with inhibiting those reactive and impulsive behaviors.So in the context of the bedroom, it is much easier to go on autopilot, as Heidi states. This means on average we all tend to be low integration in the bedroom, instead of inhibiting the trigger-action-reward state and work towards high integration practices.Much more within!The Power of MeditationHeidi says that the secret sauce for good sex has to do with kindness and compassion for others. She mentions Daniel Siegel’s book Aware as an inspiration for the power of meditation and the three pillars of awareness that he talks about; but she also mentions that meditation quiets down the Default Mode Network in the brain.The Default Mode Network has to do with the “I” part of the brain that is on in the background, and which we can usually relate to autopilot types of thinking. It is the baseline mode of consciousness. Meditation can quiet the DFN and lead to more awareness, which in turn leads to a present awareness in the bedroom!This is just a small portion of what Heidi talks about though. Check it out!How This All Applies to SexWhen considering meditation and how this relates to differentiation, linkage, and integration, there are a number of exercises that can be utilized for better sex using these principles. For those who may feel pressured to perform, where touch escalates and the pressures of performance can lead to anxiety or a sudden lack of desire, mindfulness can help in a real way.When talking about a couple and each of their own unique means of arousal, Heidi says that the goal is to differentiate what turns each person on. A couple wants to be comfortable with their desire and ability to become aroused, independent of one another. The end goal is then to link those differentiated desires together, which will lead to high integration.Heidi also talks about seeing the world through the prefrontal cortex instead of the limbic system and why this is important to consider.Heidi Talks About Her Book: The Neuroscience of DatingHeidi uses her book to point out the concept of couple enlightenment. This means that during high integration, the couple is unified. This means the couple is highly differentiated from the rest of the world and then highly linked with each other.She shares what she calls the 2 protective principles for dating. They are: “Don’t make yourself financially vulnerable,” and “don’t make yourself sexually vulnerable.” So, determining your principles is important, and then using those as a metric for potential long-term partners is the right way to assure you won’t be wasting each other’s time in the long run.In addition to this, Heidi reminds that we need to maintain executive function during dating. Letting the reptilian brain win out is a recipe for disaster.For much more on this fascinating talk, listen in!Key Links for Heidi: For more about interpersonal neurobiology: http://www.greenlightheidi.com/about_me/Her two blogs: http://www.greenlightheidi.com/ http://redlightheidi.com/Affiliate links for books:Her book, The Neuroscience of Dating: https://amzn.to/2Ho3b1fBooks that Heidi references during the show:Aware: https://amzn.to/2HpBgxYThe Craving Mind: https://amzn.to/2Ho3ER3Mindsight: https://amzn.to/2Q9JQUqBetter Sex Through Mindfulness: https://amzn.to/2VArBJ0In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: https://amzn.to/2LUXsV8More info:Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

A review of the key concepts of the book, 'The yes brain'.

Visit stuschaefer.com for complete show notes of every podcast episode: Leave us a rating and review! Dr. Dan Seigel is a NY Times Bestselling Author, Neuropsychiatrist, Mindsight Educator and Interpersonal Neurobiologist. He is an expert at helping people like me and you change our mindset and develop our mental acuity. He works extensively with parents and children… and he simplifies often complex subject and teaches people how to “heal” themselves without having to go to a psychiatrist (who often won’t actually help much.)

"The neuroscience is saying that when kids miss these developmental milestones, their brains aren't as interconnected as they would have been had they been actively participating in a wide variety of activities. They need a full sensory upbringing, not doing too much of any one thing." -Jenifer Joy Madden In Episode 71, I'm chatting with Jenifer Joy Madden about the latest research on brain development and ways we can help our children grow healthy and "durable" brains. Jenifer Joy Madden is an award-winning health communicator, author, and educator. She founded DurableHuman.com to encourage all people to cherish and maximize the curiosity, creativity, compassion, and so much else they alone possess as human beings. Big Ideas Jenifer defines durable as being "effective and strong in body, mind, and spirit for as long as possible." The "Bushy Broccoli Brain" -- Jenifer uses the Broccoli vs. Broccolini metaphor to show how the brain develops more interconnected, as synapsis fire from rich stimuli, whereas the broccolini is a stalky, more truncated structure, showing a lack of development.  New research on the brain supports the idea that in order to be more durable, our children need 3D, multi-sensory, 360° experiences. The rich sensory environment at camp is a perfect example. Being outdoors and interacting socially stimulates the interconnections in the brain. If a kid is limited in their activity and they do one thing for a long period of time (such as playing a game online) it crowds out some of the other things they need to be doing during their day to promote full brain development. The brain develops over time so there are windows of opportunity throughout childhood to develop certain skills. Missing these windows can have detrimental effects, such as "Virtual Autism". In France and Romania, doctors have identified "Virtual Autism" in kids under age four who have free reign all day to be on a tablet. After days and days of being on the screen, they stop responding to their names and adults can’t catch their eye. When kids return to a regular kid lifestyle and they’re playing with physical objects and playing outside, that "virtual autism" goes away. After a visit to a treatment center for internet addiction, Jenifer determined that one of the primary causes of this kind addiction is a lack of attachment. Attachment starts a little before birth that the child starts attaching to the primary caregiver -- the mother. Kids who don’t securely attach to a caregiver become agitated and insecure and have trouble coping. We need to feed their love mechanisms early on in life, otherwise, they’ll be kind of shaky their whole lives. We need to make sure that babies’ first images are not obscured by a device. Jenifer describes her course for new parents called New Parent's Confidence Kickstart. Recommendations for parents to help kids overcome addiction to their devices: Give them chores. They must have a purpose and be responsible contributors to the household. Physical activity is key. Help them develop skills, genuine relationships, curiosity ("The Triple Crown of Durability".) Quotes Audrey: "There are all these basic needs that our kids have and to get this really bushy broccoli brain; a big part of it is the social connection. Talking face to face and making eye contact--all that great stuff--I think of that as making a bushier brain.” Jenifer: "A lot of our functions are being taken over by robots and AI, so we have to do what we do best as human beings. That is to be thoughtful, curious, and skilled. We need to use the senses we have and they don't. Compassion and intuition are special human functions." Jenifer: "Human beings that are young need to have that attachment. They need continuous eye contact with others and to have others listen to them." Audrey: "Giving kids chores is such a simple thing yet many people don't realize just how important. We know that while kids are contributing and having a purpose in your home or at camp, they are also learning really important skills." Audrey: "When you think about kids growing up and their brains, whether it's language development, or curiosity and those skills automatic it has all happened from practice. So you need that 3D experience that you describe for those neurons to fire together and create all that great, bushy, full brainpower. Jenifer: "I tell parents: Guilt be gone! Start to realize how attachment and developing boundaries around your technology can make a difference going forward." Audrey: “I think parents are so worried about what they’re doing wrong. No one is going to get everything right but you can make little course corrections along the way. If you’re noticing something with your family its never too late to do a reset. If you need to do more chores or have less screen time, those are all doable things. We all go through phases when we need to sometimes reset." Jenifer: "Numbers of autism diagnoses have skyrocketed in the last 25 years: 1 in 40 kids. The implication is that some of those kids have been affected by environmental factors. If can identify and at least try to mitigate them, we could at least see how the child responds. Having them not watch TV and removing them from screens is healthy for them so why not?" Audrey: "Instead of focusing on what not to do, let's think of things that we can do: going outside for an evening walk, going to the park, reading books together, playing cards or games. Try to find fun things to do instead of being on screens. That's an easier way to introduce more time away from the screens that kids can get excited about." Jenifer: "You've got to slow down, keep your eyes open and keep observing your children so you don't miss those vital cues from your kids." Resources Book: How To Be a Durable Human: Revive and Thrive in the Digital Age Through the Power of Self-Design Durable Human website American Academy of Pediatrics Family Media Plan/Media Time Calculator: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/media/Pages/default.aspx http://durablehuman.com/fighting-tech-with-tech-online-tool-helps-families-reclaim-time/ Tina Payne Bryson and Daniel Seigel and their works The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline and The Yes Brain. Ted Talk, "Neurons That Fire Together Wire Together" by Dr. Joe Dispenza on YouTube. The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age Article on virtual autism study in France/Romania: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-fallible-mind/201706/there-is-new-link-between-screen-time-and-autism Reset your Child's Brain by Victoria Dunckley New Parent's Confidence Kickstart Tech management resources (scroll down the page) Durable Human books Durable Human post on Virtual Autism VIDEOS: TEDx "Durable Humans are Smarter Than Their Phones TEDx/Broccoli combo explainer: (1 min) "Lead a balanced life" Broccoli video Baby Broccoli and Parent video Broccoli and Sleep video Related Posts and Podcasts If you liked this episode, listen to episode 30, my interview with Jennifer on her book How to Be a Durable Human.  Why We Need to Unplug to Connect with our Families Five Reasons to Unplug Why Family Dinner is Important 7 Reasons to Get Outside

Are You Curious, What Is The Mind? Want To Learn How You Can Grow A Healthier, Integrated Brain? Interested In How Quantum Physics Is A Gateway To Understanding Thoughts?  Join Us For A Mind Opening Interview With Dr. Dan Siegel! In this episode, Diana interviews Dr. Dan Siegel about his new book, Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence. Dr. Siegel describes interpersonal neurobiology and how he has learned from mathematics, anthropology, biology, physics, sociology, and neuroscience to understand the mind. He discusses a powerful practice called The Wheel of Awareness, which cultivates focus, interoception and inter-connection. Dr. Siegel dives into quantum physics to describe how thoughts arise as a flow of energy in the mind.  About Dan Siegel Dr. Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. He is also the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute which focuses on the development of mindsight, which teaches insight, empathy, and integration in individuals, families and communities. Dr. Siegel has published extensively for both the professional and lay audiences. His New York Times bestsellers are: Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, and two books with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.: The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline. His other books include: The Developing Mind (2nd ed.), Mindsight, The Mindful Brain, The Mindful Therapist, The Yes Brain (also with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.), and his upcoming book Aware (2018). Dr. Siegel also serves as the Founding Editor for the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology which contains over sixty textbooks.    Resources The Wheel of Awareness Practice Image and Guided Meditation Aware: The Science and Practice of Presenceby Dan Siegel The Whole Brain Child by Dan Siegel Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Dan Siegel Oak Meditation App Headspace Meditation App

I could not be more excited about today’s show! Dr. Dan Siegel joins me to talk about his new book Aware, and the work he’s been doing that can radically accelerate our journey toward learning to live in the present moment. This is an amazing partner to all the work each and every one of you are doing to learn to live in your Adult Chair — I know you’re simply going to love this! Sponsor: This week's show is brought to you by Audible! Get a free audiobook to spice up your commute and learn and love through reading. Sign up for your free book at AudibleTrial.com/theadultchair. From there, search for our recommended book for the week: Aware by Dan Siegel! About Dr. Dan Siegel Dr. Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. He is also the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute which focuses on the development of mindsight, which teaches insight, empathy, and integration in individuals, families and communities. Dr. Siegel has published extensively for both the professional and lay audiences. His four New York Times bestsellers are: Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D: The Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, and the upcoming The Yes Brain (2018). His other books include: The Developing Mind (2nd Ed.), Mindsight, The Mindful Brain, and The Mindful Therapist. Dr. Siegel also serves as the Founding Editor for the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology which contains over fifty textbooks.

Dr. Dan welcomes back one of the podcast’s most popular guests -- bestselling author and parenting expert Dr. Tina Payne Bryson (http://www.tinabryson.com/) to discuss her new book The Yes Brain and her pioneering work in area of brain-based parenting. Dr. Tina Bryson is also the co-author (with Dr. Daniel Siegel) of two New York Times bestsellers (The Whole Brain Child and No Drama Discipline) and is Executive Director of the The Center for Connection in Pasadena (http://www.thecenterforconnection.org/ ).  How can parents cultivate resilience? What is a Yes Brain? What is a No Brain? What is success? How does the pressure of the need for success affect our children today? Today Dr. Dan and Dr. Tina talk about her new book and the topic of basic brain science -- that is how a child’s brain is either receptive or reactive (affecting their regulation) and what we need to do as parents and educators to support that child’s brain state. Ultimately parents and educators and caregivers want to move our kids from reactivity (The No Brain/Red Zone) to receptivity (The Yes Brain/Green Zone). The good news? Our kids can be taught to approach life with openness and curiosity. When kids work from a Yes Brain, they’re more willing to take chances and explore. They’re more curious and imaginative. They’re better at relationships and handling adversity. And we can make this a reality! Dr. Dan explores the four fundamentals of the Yes Brain—balance, resilience, insight, and empathy—with Dr. Tina and how they can be fostered and strengthened in all of our children and students. How? By exploring the mind behind the behaviors in children instead of just focusing on the behavior. Dr. Dan and Dr. Tina offer listeners concrete examples of ways we can intentionally help our children achieve a state of balance -- by deliberate and thoughtful behavior modeling, positive parenting, and supportive disciplining.  Dr. Dan wraps up this episode by asking his favorite guest question -- What is Tina’s Parent Footprint Moment?  Her lesson about being present and intentionally in the moment is one she continues to revisit on her own parenting journey decades later.  Today episode is sure to be a new favorite for all Parent Footprint podcast listeners. Watch this free video to learn more about Dr. Dan and Parent Footprint Awareness Training®.

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson returns to the podcast to discuss the new book she has co-written with Dr. Dan Siegel, The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child. Topics Discussed Include: * Fundamentals of the Yes Brain * Teaching children to recognize their emotions * Supporting children through challenging situations * Handling disappointment * Perspective taking and empathy Show Page: www.discoverychilddevelopmentcenter.com Facebook: facebook.com/preschoolandbeyond

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson returns to the podcast to discuss the new book she has co-written with Dr. Dan Siegel, The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child. Topics Discussed Include: * Fundamentals of the Yes Brain * Teaching children to recognize their emotions * Supporting children through challenging situations * Handling disappointment * Perspective taking and empathy Show Page: www.discoverychilddevelopmentcenter.com Facebook: facebook.com/preschoolandbeyond

Of course feeding our kids healthy food is important, but not as important as connecting with our kids. And having healthy kids starts by becoming a healthy parent. This is what I refer to as Nutritious Parenting. It has little to do with food, and more to do with providing nourishing discipline through guiding, teaching, exploring, rehearsing and sharing. And this is what Dr. Tina Bryson calls cultivating a "Yes Brain" in both parents and kids! But this podcast isn't just for parents, and isn't just about helping children develop. The information supplied here is "nourishment" for our relationships, and teaches us each how to feed nutritious tender loving care to all those we are blessed to have in our lives. Dr. Tina goes into to detail about parenting from a standpoint of helping our kids develop skills for coping with life problems, rather than just punishing them. And it begins with developing our skills as parents first. We touch on sleep and how it affects the brain. The different colors of zones (red, blue, and green) with regard to brain action, and how we can regulate and expand the right color! We even touch on the dangers of too much screen time and more! To learn more about Tina, check out tinabryson.com and her amazing center: thecenterforconnection.org Find her on social media at: @tinapaynebryson To learn more about Jodelle, visit: getfitwithjodelle.com IG: @getfitwithjodelle Twitter: jodellefit and Join me at Patreon at patreon.com/jodelle To help others, we need to cultivate and love ourselves enough first. Then we can cultivate courageous "Yes Brains" within ourselves, that give us the capability of encouraging "yes brains" in our children and in all our relationships in general! One more thing! Don't forget to sign up for the Fbomb giveaway that is featured at the end of this podcast! 5 Winners will be announced on Instagram on May 5th to receive a FREE box of Fbombs delivered right to your door! You could be one! Listen up for how to enter! Sponsored proudly by: dropanfbomb.com and @fatissmartfuel. The healthiest way on the planet to drop an Fbomb!

Of course feeding our kids healthy food is important, but not as important as connecting with our kids. And having healthy kids starts by becoming a healthy parent. This is what I refer to as Nutritious Parenting. It has little to do with food, and more to do with providing nourishing discipline through guiding, teaching, exploring, rehearsing and sharing. And this is what Dr. Tina Bryson calls cultivating a "Yes Brain" in both parents and kids! But this podcast isn't just for parents, and isn't just about helping children develop. The information supplied here is "nourishment" for our relationships, and teaches us each how to feed nutritious tender loving care to all those we are blessed to have in our lives. Dr. Tina goes into to detail about parenting from a standpoint of helping our kids develop skills for coping with life problems, rather than just punishing them. And it begins with developing our skills as parents first. We touch on sleep and how it affects the brain. The different colors of zones (red, blue, and green) with regard to brain action, and how we can regulate and expand the right color! We even touch on the dangers of too much screen time and more! To learn more about Tina, check out tinabryson.com and her amazing center: thecenterforconnection.org Find her on social media at: @tinapaynebryson To learn more about Jodelle, visit: getfitwithjodelle.com IG: @getfitwithjodelle Twitter: jodellefit and Join me at Patreon at patreon.com/jodelle To help others, we need to cultivate and love ourselves enough first. Then we can cultivate courageous "Yes Brains" within ourselves, that give us the capability of encouraging "yes brains" in our children and in all our relationships in general! One more thing! Don't forget to sign up for the Fbomb giveaway that is featured at the end of this podcast! 5 Winners will be announced on Instagram on May 5th to receive a FREE box of Fbombs delivered right to your door! You could be one! Listen up for how to enter! Sponsored proudly by: dropanfbomb.com and @fatissmartfuel. The healthiest way on the planet to drop an Fbomb!

We all know that learning centers, and center time for that matter, play a key role in the delivery of early experiences for children. So what's the downside and how can they be improved to support wholeness and integrated brains? This episode is for you if: You'd like to take a more intentional look at how to best design learning centers You want to ensure a "YES Brain" approach to early learning You're supporting other educators and want to know "What makes a good learning center?" Episode includes a free download with seven strategies to ensure learning centers are engaging, designed in ways that build upon children's interest and different abilities, and incorporate a "healthy mind platter".

Daniel Siegel, co-author of The Yes Brain. Topic: How to cultivate courage, curiosity, and resilience in your child. Issues: Defining the Yes Brain and why it’s so important; The four fundamentals of the Yes Brain and how to strengthen them; the key to knowing when kids need a gentle push out of their comfort zone […] The post The Yes Brain + Passing Judgment appeared first on Mr. Dad.

"Our book is about what parents and other caregivers can do in their interactions with their kids that actually develop a more integrated brain that creates a receptive state for learning and keeping the inner spark of your child alive and well."

Kathryn interviews award-winning educator and psychiatrist Daniel Siegel MD, author of “The YES Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child”. Dr. Siegel offers advice and tools to help turn a No Brain into a Yes Brain by cultivating a child's ability to say yes to the world, to take more chances and be less worried about making mistakes. Dr. Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, is the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. Kathryn also interviews energy expert and senior Bloomberg intelligence analyst Rob Barnett, author of “The Economists' Diet: The Surprising Formula for Losing Weight and Keeping It Off”. Co-authors Barnett and Christopher Payne PhD reveal that today's obesity epidemic has everything to do with the economy. Barnett and Payne lost their excess weight (a combined 125 pounds) by applying what they know best - ECONOMICS - to their waistlines.

When you’re in a “Yes” brain state, everything seems possible - you’re courageous, resilient, and creative. When you’re in a “No” brain state it’s nearly impossible to learn, grow, or interact in a positive way with others. This yes/no brain state impacts everything you do - how you meet the world, and, if you have children, how you show up as a parent. So how do you cultivate a “Yes” brain state in yourself? How do you teach the children in your life to recognize the signs of being in a “No” brain state - and, even better, show them how to shift back into a “Yes” brain? Today we’re talking with Dr. Dan Siegel, founder of interpersonal neurobiology and co-author (along with Tina Payne Bryson) of the new book “The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child.” His strategies for understanding your own reactivity will transform your relationships and your parenting. You can also help the children in your life understand their own emotional world, and show them how to come back online after big emotions get the best of them. Here is a link to episode 57 with Dan Siegel: Mastering Mindfulness in Your Relationship Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host Neil Sattin. How do you show up when there are kids involved? In other words, how do you bring what we know today about attachment and the best way to parent children into the context of your relationship so that whether it's your own children or you're entering a relationship where children already exist, you know the best way to show up to help kids interact with you in ways that are positive and to help them have successful outcomes? In other words, have lives where they feel happy and fulfilled and like they really know themselves well. These are the questions that we're going to cover in today's episode and we're going to talk about it in a way that not only gets at the heart of how we parent, but also how we ourselves show up to the equation. So we're not acting on our children or with our children mechanistically or like behaviorists trying to get them to do the right thing and jump through the right hoop. We're bringing to bear everything we know about our own emotional makeup and how we interact with the world to help our kids also have positive, alive interactions with the world, 'cause that's what we're all about on this show. Neil Sattin: In order to have this conversation, we're going to be talking with Dan Siegel, who is returning to the show after his last episode, which was all about mindsight. Today, we're going to talk about his latest book which is just coming out, co-written with Tina Payne Bryson, called "The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity and Resilience in Your Child." And I have to laugh at that a little bit only because I feel like on this show we're often talking about how to cultivate courage, curiosity and resilience in each other and in ourselves in our relationships. So who better to have on this show than Dan Siegel, the father of interpersonal neurobiology, which is at the cutting edge of the science of how we relate and how the way that we relate affects our brains, our biochemistry and our ability to be healthy and alive and effective in the world and not crippled by anxiety or depression or disconnection. So Dan Siegel, thank you so much for joining us again today on Relationship Alive. Dan Siegel: Neil, it's an honor to be here with you. Neil Sattin: Great, great. I think a great place to start is at the end. And I like to start there only because sometimes it helps provide a really nice context for the overall conversation. And by the end, I'm thinking about the end of your book where you start talking about what is it that we're really after in children? How do we measure success and I'm wondering if you can talk for a moment about the kind of culture clash that's happening in terms of how we encourage this kind of external success and sometimes we're missing out on the internal success that The Yes Brain is all about. Dan Siegel: Well Neil, you've picked up on, I think, one of the central issues that Tina Bryson and I really wanted to address in The Yes Brain book and in our work as teachers and clinicians and in our life as parents and partners with our spouses, this idea of thinking deeply about what success is for ourselves and for our kids, is at the heart of a strategy for how you parent because if you're just going along with what in modern society you hear is a measure of success like what your numbers achievement is, like what kind of elite college you get into, or your bank account alone or the number of cars you have, or these things that you can measure in numerical ways that give us a feeling like, "I could always do more. I don't have enough fans on my social media page. I didn't get enough hits when I put out that photograph." You can always feel like there's someone who's doing better than you. We even have a set of circuits in the brain that are ready to give us a comparative stance toward other people and if success is measured by these very common, contemporary culture ways of saying, "Yes, I achieved this bank account and yes, I have this kind of car and yes, these are the number of things I have." Then it's a treadmill that continually leads to a feeling of inadequacy and I gotta do more and more and more and more. Dan Siegel: In contrast to that kind of treadmill that goes nowhere but that most of us get on, even as parents thinking about what we want for our kids, in contrast to that, think about the idea that someone could develop an internal compass that gave them a feeling of incredible gratitude for being alive, for the privilege of having this journey that we call a lifetime for the honor of connecting with other people. For the excitement of having curiosity for what the world and life is all about, for the way we can have this courage to actually try new things beyond what we're just given. And when life doesn't go the way we may have expected it to go, we have the resilience to bounce back. So that resilience and creativity and courage come from an internal compass, that you can help construct in a child as you parent them in a certain strategy that we call a 'Yes Brain' strategy. Dan Siegel: So in The Yes Brain book, what we've done is give a way to parent with discipline, with structure, so sometimes people hear the word Yes Brain and they'd go, "Oh, permissive parenting." And that's not at all what we mean. What we mean is that you as a parent have the opportunity to understand that the brain can get into a No Brain state. And that's where you're feeling threatened, where you feel inadequate, where you activate these survival reactions of fight, flight, freeze and faint, the four Fs, that come along with the reactive No Brain state. And in that No Brain state that comes when you say, "No" harshly several times, is the thing I do in workshops. That shuts down learning and shuts down your access even to connecting not just with other people but even to your own internal compass. Dan Siegel: And in contrast, that you can cultivate a Yes Brain state which is where a person feels open to new experience. Aware that life is about challenges and disciplined effort, and that sometimes what you accomplish with your effort isn't what you expected, and we call that a disappointment, some people call that an un-success or a failure. But instead of collapsing with that experience, you rise up and say, "Wow, here's an opportunity for more learning, for me to try again, for me to learn new skills." And then when you do that, there's where you get the courage and resilience, and really the ability to say, "Let me try things in new ways," which is what creativity is. Dan Siegel: So when we use those phrases, you know, creativity and courage and resilience, we don't use them lightly. We're literally defining them very carefully, talking about what's the brain state that enables them, and then giving parents strategies for basically creating a Yes Brain state, which develops the trait of courage, the trait of creativity, the trait of resilience, and that's what the whole approach is about. Neil Sattin: Now, are parents going to be able to create, or cultivate, a Yes Brain state for their kids without getting to know a Yes Brain state for themselves? Dan Siegel: Well, the first step is exactly like you're saying, Neil. It's about having the insight to feel inside yourself when you're reactive, that's the No Brain state versus when you're receptive, that's the Yes Brain state. And so the first step is to know yourself. And in a book I wrote, Parenting from the Inside Out, with Mary Hartzell, that book was all about the research finding that parents who do have self awareness, and especially awareness of how their own past shaped their present experience of being alive and their present experience of parenting. Those parents are actually the ones most likely to have a relationship with their child that cultivates security. Secure attachment is the best predictor of what we can do as parents to help our children have resilience, basically. Dan Siegel: So, when you look at that research, it shows that yeah, exactly like you're saying, "Self awareness is the starting place." And then once you have that self awareness, then you say, "Okay, well, that's my inner reflective skills, now what do I do with my parenting actions?" And that's where you get onto the Yes Brain approach where we say, "Okay, your goal as a parent is, he has to know what a Yes Brain feels like and a No Brain feels like, so that you learn from the inside out." How... If you are doing things with your child that are repeatedly creating a sense of threat, or your child is coming home from school and feeling that threat state. Not from anything you did but from what happens with their peers, or teachers, or being on the internet. There are all sorts of things that create a No Brain state. Whatever it is, your sensing it in yourself is the starting place so you can then sense it in your child. Dan Siegel: And then when you sense that fighting, fleeing, freezing or fainting, No Brain set of re-activities, then you can teach them how to move from a No Brain state to a Yes Brain state. So instead of being shut down in either rigidity or chaos, you actually allow them to transition into a Yes Brain state. And we teach these very practical steps on how to do that, so now your child is in a receptive Yes Brain state where learning happens, openness to new things happens, connecting with others happens, and even developing this internal compass which is basically a feeling in your gut and a feeling in your heart that gives you this literally felt experience that directs you even beyond words in your mind or beyond the thoughts you might have. It's kind of an internal compass, is what I call it, that is directing you to the true north of things that matter to you and things that are important in your relationships with others. Neil Sattin: So perhaps a great place to dive in would be to talk about the different characteristics of The Yes Brain and how we actually can... Some actual strategies as parents for helping children understand these concepts and then to put them into practice. And I really think this is great because so much of the work that we're doing here in relationship has been about helping people recognize when they are triggered. And we had Steve Porges back on the show in episode... What was it? 34, to talk about Polyvagal Theory and basically what's happening in our brains. But what I love about your book is that it makes it really practical to see not only how it happens in a child, but also ways to talk about it that get you some place else so you're not feeling trapped by your biology. So maybe we should start with balance. That's the first concept that you talk about. And so how do you convey what balance means? Dan Siegel: Right. Well, the first thing to say in terms of people who love acronyms is I'm kind of an acronym nut, so the whole book is an acronym of... Especially if you like cheese, it'll be easy to remember, it's Brie cheese. So the first of B-R-I-E, I don't know if you noticed that Neil, but is balance. And here the idea is just to start with I think that beautiful way you introduced this segment of our conversation is the sense of awareness we have of our internal state. In our interpersonal neurobiology series, Steve Porges has two books in our series, one is the Polyvagal Theory, the other is the Pocket Guide to The Polyvagal Theory, both beautiful books. And the idea is that you have a physiological state, which we can describe in a moment. And the key to making this practical in a parent's life is for you as a parent, or 'cause you were just talking about a relationship with... Close relationships, with you as a partner to become aware of what that internal state is. Dan Siegel: And a state basically means a pattern of energy and information flow that's happening. And we can talk about an inner state; so the internal milieu of your whole bodily system, including what happens in your head. So when we talk about the brain, it's really the embodied brain. It's never just the head alone. Even though we're all excited about the brain, 'cause we can now look beneath the skull. But it's really the embodied brain. But you even have a relational state, you can call that an interstate, but you'll probably think it's a highway going between Tennessee and another state. So these inner states and interstates are patterns of energy and information flow. So for example, in the relational world, I work with two wonderful researchers at MIT, Otto Scharmer and Peter Senge, and we're studying something that we call generative social fields. Dan Siegel: And in this work, what we're trying to do is identify relational fields - that is social connections, relationships, that we call a social field - that have a generative quality to them. That is, they promote curiosity, they promote creativity, they promote compassion, anything with a C. It's good stuff. I think they're what are called integrative fields. Integrative means you honor differences and promote linkages. That's my take on it, for the work Peter, Otto and I are doing. And if you look at it that way, you say, "Well, what is it really comprised of?" And from an interpersonal neurobiology point of view, the field I work in, energy and information flow is something that happens between us as well as within us. So you can look at a field, which is energy and information flow patterns, flow is change, information is a pattern of energy with symbolic value. Dan Siegel: Energy is this process that has CLIFF variables, another acronym that's contours, locations, intensities, frequencies and forms. And other aspects to it too, that you can look at how literally energy is being shared within a relationship. And then within us, we also have these energy and information of flow states. And these are the inner states, that Steve beautifully described in The Polyvagal Theory, that could activate the dorsal branch of the vagus nerve or the ventral branch. And you can also look at how not just the parasympathetic but the sympathetic system is involved, and to say it very... In an outline kind of way, when we're threatened, a system that Steve calls neuroception, that is constantly looking for, "Am I safe? Am I not safe? Am I safe? Am I not safe?" The neuroceptive monitoring process ascertains even without consciousness, "Right now, I am not safe. I am being threatened." And when it does that, it can go down one of two major pathways. One is an activating pathway that turns on the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. That's a branch that comes down from the head brain into the body. Neil Sattin: And that's fight, flight, right? Dan Siegel: That's fight, flight, freeze even. The freeze part is tightening up your muscles to figure out, "Should I fight or should I flee?" [chuckle] So it's like giving yourself temporary paralysis. It's a very activating system. I know in the past, everyone called that the third part of the system. But actually what Steve, and Pat Ogden and I did in a book I wrote called The Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology - we wanted make it clear for people that there's actually four Fs. That you have an activating freeze, which is sympathetic, but then that is like the accelerator, but the fourth F is fainting or feigning death, which is when you activate the dorsal branch of the vagus nerve, you shut down heart rate, you shut down blood pressure, and literally, if it's extreme enough, you faint. And there's all sorts of benefits to collapsing, because basically, carnivores don't eat dead meat. So that if they think you're dead, and you fainted, they'll throw you around but they won't eat you, and you'll survive. The other is the telephone booth phenomenon, whereas we don't have telephone booths for the most part anymore because if people heard of bad news on a telephone call, and you fainted but stayed sitting up, then it would be terrible for you. So, that's not good. So you want to, if you're not getting blood flow going to you and you're fainting, you want to be flat. Neil Sattin: Oh, so if you're in a phone booth, keep the door open before... [chuckle] Dan Siegel: Keep the door open for sure [chuckle] absolutely. So anyway, those are just funny little stories, but the bottom line is you have this parasympathetic, dorsal branch of the vagus nerve that shuts you down, collapses in the faint... A faint situation when you feel totally helpless, that's one response to threat. And the other three are activating, freezing up; thought, fleeing or fighting. So the bottom line, any of those three are all threat reactions either shutting down or activating you to temporarily paralyze yourself, or run or fight. And these states are not open to new learning. So, when you move from those reactive states of a threat, which you can induce in a workshop, let's say by saying no, or if you're a parent and you're constantly screaming no at your kid, you're always creating a No Brain state. So a Yes Brain state is when your neuroceptive system, that's Porges' term, is assessing, "Okay, I'm no longer threatened." And then turns on Steve's beautiful phrase of a social engagement system that then relaxes your muscles instead of getting ready for fight or getting ready to run or tighten you up or collapsing you. Dan Siegel: You actually improve the way you're relaxing into what's going on. You're more receptive to what's happening. The bandwidth of sound that you can take in is much broader. You're open to engaging, not just with others but even with yourself, and you're ready to take risks and try out new things. And that's what learning depends on, and creativity depends on, and curiosity is nourished by this Yes Brain state. The Yes Brain state is the receptive, open, connecting state that we want to relate to our children and how we want to relate to our partners. And it's where optimal learning takes place. So as a parent, when you learn to feel the difference in yourself and in your partner and in your child of a Yes Brain versus a No Brain state, you learn to create that balance of a Yes Brain state. That's the balancing part. And the resilience of the BRIE acronym is you learn that when you're in a No Brain reactive state of either chaos or rigidity that tend to come with those states, you learn to help a person move from those reactive states of no, the No Brain, to the receptive state of a Yes Brain. And that's what resilience is - how you come back into this optimal receptive Yes Brain state. Neil Sattin: So in an ideal world with our kids, one, how are we opening them up to this awareness of what's happening within them? And two, what is our task, when... 'Cause how many times have you witnessed or maybe experienced this yourself, where your child is going offline, [chuckle] they're getting really frustrated or whatever it is, and the impulse is to want to intervene right there and say, "You know, you shouldn't do that or you shouldn't hit your sister or whatever it is"? And what you've just explained is exactly why children aren't going to be receptive to anything that's trying to explain to them why they should or shouldn't be doing whatever it is they're doing in that moment. So how do we invite our children into this knowledge, and how do we show up as parents when we start to sense that our children's neuroception is telling them that they're not safe for whatever reason? Dan Siegel: Yeah, exactly, exactly. Let's start with the first part of your question, which is just so clear and so elegant. The idea is as a parent to remember that there is no such thing as perfect parenting. There just isn't. And why in all my parenting books, I always put the ways I've goofed up as a parent and my kids are always dismayed. [laughter] Dan Siegel: In their terms, why am I sharing what a jerk I can be, [chuckle] 'cause I tell them, I want people to know, that no one does perfect parenting. Even if you're writing books on it, have your degrees in this area, you're board certified, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't matter. There's no such thing as perfect parenting. So we need to support each other on the journey, because when you've made a rupture to the direction you're trying to take, it's really important to make a repair. So that's the place to start. And you say, "Well, what's this whole rupture repair thing all about?" And so you start with this idea of a No Brain state. So, as you're saying Neil, if your child or an... You could translate everything we're saying, by the way, for a close friendship or a romance or anything. We're talking about the teaching part about it. That maybe a little different in parenting. But connecting it's the same fundamental issue. So when your child enters a No Brain state, fighting, fleeing, freezing, collapsing - they tend to go towards these rigid or chaotic states that can induce in you - as the parent - a similar state as you're present for them and attuned to them. That attunement is focusing on their internal world, you can begin to then resonate with that. Dan Siegel: Now, if you've not taken the time to become more skillful at being self aware- and what self aware means is nothing fancy - it means, what's your body's state right now? Are you reactive - in a No Brain state? Or are you receptive in a Yes Brain state? That's the first question. And if you're in a No Brain state, there's no good parenting that can happen when you're in a No Brain state. So you need to use your own balance and resilience and get yourself back into a Yes Brain state no matter what your child's doing. Now that's a skill you can develop, and we teach you how to develop that in the book, which I can talk about in a moment. But in terms of directly connecting with your kid, you need to make sure you yourself are in a Yes Brain state first. Now, they keep on screaming or yelling or whatever they're doing in their reactive No Brain state, you need to realize that's going to start inducing frustration in you. If you're in public, it may induce a feeling of shame. You may start getting angry and frustrated, both with your kid and with yourself. And in that social situation, if it's public, you can start losing your temper, even though you don't want to. And even in private, you can feel like, "Wow. I'm at my wit's end. I can't do this anymore." Dan Siegel: When you get to those kinds of places of No Brain reactivity in yourself, you need to take a break. And depending on the age of your kid, if your kid is not hurting herself, and can be left alone, you need to go for a walk, take a stretch, get a drink of water. You need to get yourself back into a Yes Brain state. So that's the first thing to say. A lot of our meltdowns in parenting, a lot of the ruptures that happen are when we ourselves are in a No Brain state, and we try to parent in that state. It is not possible. And what people tend to do is, they justify their behaviors, hitting their kids, squeezing their arm, cursing at them, demeaning them. And they say, my kid deserved it. And you see, and I've seen this even in my friends, this kind of rationalization, that what they've done in that No Brain state, which in that state felt right, and then they remember that they did it. They then, when they're out of that state, justify it. And it is the saddest thing, because it actually is not very helpful to their kid. And it's actually creating this prison for themselves as they continue to rationalize that what they've been doing and this pseudo-strategy for parenting that's coming from this reactivity is okay. They think somehow it's a sign of strength. Neil Sattin: Can I ask you a quick question about that actually? Dan Siegel: Yeah. Yeah. Neil Sattin: Because I think, I hear from some parents this notion that "I can't let my child see that I'm uncertain". Or "I'm supposed to be providing safety for my child, so that's going to be setting harsh limits. And even if they're freaking out, it's like me being really clear and direct with them". And what I'm hearing from you suggests that maybe that's not entirely true. That there is a way to maintain a child's sense of safety and at the same time be a fallible human as well. Dan Siegel: Well, let me ask you something and let me ask your listeners who have asked you those very important questions. When your child gets to be an adolescent and has learned from your role modeling, do you want them to be the kind of adolescent who does something at a party, and then says, "Well, for me to look like a strong friend to my friends, I've gotta say that what I did was absolutely right, even if what I did was actually wrong, and I can learn from it?" Neil Sattin: Right. I'm guessing the answer is, no, I would want them to have an internal moral compass that helps them do what they really, truly think is right in a moment and not be ruled in that way by the need to not stand out or to... Yeah. Or just to be in a reactive place when they are making choices or not really even making choices. Dan Siegel: So exactly. An internal moral compass, an internal compass is what you can role model for your child. So if, as happens to all of us, you get reactive and are reacting from a No Brain state rather than responding from a Yes Brain state. I'm emphasizing the term 'Reactivity' versus 'Responsivity.' When you're receptive in the Yes Brain state, you're able to respond in a flexible way. When you're reacting in a No Brain state, it's coming like a knee-jerk reflex. So we all can get into those No Brain states. If all your child is learning is that sometimes you're acting like a complete jerk and making no sense and then standing up for what you did in that jerk state you were in, then all they're learning is that you're kinda out of your mind. [laughter] Dan Siegel: Seriously. And they can't make sense of it. I'm serious about that. And in contrast, if you say, "Hey, what I did 10 minutes ago, what I did yesterday, what I did two hours ago... " Whenever you got yourself back into a Yes Brain state. "I just want to tell you, I think what I did was a mistake. I was really frustrated and I was coming from a... " And now you have the language for this. "I was coming from this No Brain state of reactivity, and any human being can do it, it's the way the brain works. So it may not be my fault but it is my responsibility to reconnect with you and say, 'I think what I did was wrong. And I'm going to really try to learn it. Let's try to understand from that experience.'" Now in all of that stuff, I didn't say, "You made me act like that, you stupid kid." Dan Siegel: 'Cause any parent can do that, and most parents do do that, and that's not helpful. You're the adult. So our kids are learning to be in life by pushing on boundaries. And so coming back to the main thread of this question you're asking, it's so beautiful, is what you can do is learn yourself what a No Brain versus Yes Brain state feels like. Sense that in your child, so that you're role modeling for them, that you're a human being too. And if you pretend like you're not, you're just creating this... Literally, a delusion - a belief that's not consistent with reality. So if you try to pretend like you're not a human, unless you are in fact a cyborg robot. [chuckle] Dan Siegel: But if you are a human being then you are a human being, so to pretend like you're not one doesn't make any sense. So goofing up and making a mistake is human and then making a repair of that mistake is heartful humanity. And so, what you want to do is be that full human being. So now what you're doing is you're role-modeling for your child that you're aware of these two states. Now you can very directly, and we do this in The Yes Brain book. We teach you how to understand that in yourself, and understanding your child, and even to teach you how to speak to your child about this, 'cause every child should know about their brain. So you say, "Look, what happened five minutes ago is really hard. I think you were in a No Brain state. You were reactive like that, and I understand why 'cause I got reactive too. We were both really tired, we were really hungry, and we were both frustrated. It was raining, we wanted to go to the zoo. And now we were stuck in the car, and you didn't want to put on your seatbelt. And I got frustrated and yelled at you, and then you said, you definitely wouldn't do it, so I forced... " You know, all the stuff that happens in parenting. [chuckle] Dan Siegel: So you can tell the story of the experience with the framework that you understand people's behavior in a No Brain state is quite different from a Yes Brain state. So what you're doing in that communication is you're saying to your child, "Behavior is shaped by the mind beneath the behavior; and the mind is shaped, in part, by the state of mind you're in, which is created by either a No Brain or Yes Brain state. So when you're feeling reactive and not open to what's going on, all sorts of things can be said that can be harmful to others or even to self. And so recognizing that that was the state driving it allows you to move from this No Brain state of reactivity and learn the skills of how to move to a Yes Brain state of being receptive." And listen, the fun thing about this, I gotta say, and it was really beautiful to have Carol Dweck write an endorsement for the book 'cause Carol Dweck has done beautiful work in the mindset of what she calls a fixed versus growth mindset. Neil Sattin: Yes. Dan Siegel: And in the fixed mindset it's like, "I am a fixed way and my behavior just shows it. Whether I succeed or not in a race or with friends at a party or with the way I perform on a test, that shows my innate talents that can't be changed." Whereas a growth mindset says, "Hey, I have these things I do." All those things I just described. "That come from my effort, and the skills I've learned, they come from disciplined ways of learning. So if I don't accomplish what I think I was going to accomplish in a race, or get the score I wanted to on a test, or have a successful outcome at a party where I didn't know many of the kids, I can use that as a disappointment for sure, okay, but then let that inspire me to learn the skills in a more disciplined way so I can try again." That's a growth mindset. Dan Siegel: And what Carol Dweck beautifully wrote about was that these are skills, "The Yes Brain" approach are skills that parents can use. And they're also, by the way, the skills that are beneath "Grit" - Angela Duckworth's work - that allows you to see how a child can have this kind of perseverance in the face of challenge that requires a growth mindset that you can then see the strategies for building grit and a growth mindset. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so I'm wondering if we could just tackle something specific for a moment, because I'm imagining a situation that many parents have multiple times, which is being faced with their child in a state of frustration or disappointment. And you talk beautifully in "The Yes Brain" about this balance as a parent between being differentiated because you want your children to have their experience, but also staying linked to them and feeling with them. So that might be a great way. If you could illustrate, what would you do with a child who was feeling really disappointed about something? What's a way that you could approach that that would foster their own growth in developing some of this, I think that would be more like resiliency, which you talk about as expanding their ability to handle disappointments and stressful situations without going into the red zone of fight, flight, freeze? Dan Siegel: Right, exactly, exactly. So if you take the four of those things, the BRIE components of balance, resilience, insight and empathy, let's do an example that illustrates all four... Neil Sattin: Great. Dan Siegel: With what you're inquiring about, about a frustrating experience. So let's take that example I gave you. You're going to the zoo and it starts to... You have pouring rain, so you can't go to the zoo. Your child, let's say seven, he was so excited about going to see the panda bears and now he can't, and it's really, really raining, so you've gotta have an alternative plan. And he is really angry, he won't put his seatbelt on the back seat, in his car-seat, and you're just frustrated beyond belief because you wanted to see the pandas too, and you're both hungry 'cause you were going to go have lunch in the zoo, or all these things. Okay. Neil Sattin: Right, and now you're getting frustrated because your child is not putting their seatbelt on and not listening to you and not enabling you to move on to the next thing. Dan Siegel: Exactly, exactly. And so you get out, you're getting wet, you're trying to reach over there and he's pushing on you 'cause he's in a fight mode, and you're trying to buckle that seat and then he hits you in the face. Whatever is going to happen, this can happen. Neil Sattin: Right. Clearly, neither you nor I has ever experienced this before. [chuckle] Dan Siegel: No, no, never. I'm talking about theoretical people. And so now he hits you in the face and so now you grab his arm, and now you're screaming, and he's crying and he's looking terrified of you because you look terrifying, and neither of you want to be doing this, but this is what's happening. [chuckle] This is Parenting 101. So it's really hard, it's the basics. Okay, so you take a break, you close the door so he doesn't get wet, you don't continue with what you're doing because you recognize you're really doing stuff that's not so good, and maybe you get the umbrella and go for the walk around the car, but you don't abandon him, maybe go sit in the front seat and say to him, "Joey, let's both take a couple minutes just to calm down, let's just focus on your breathing," and he's screaming, yelling, but you do not interact with him, but you're in the car. So you're not abandoning him, but you're getting yourself back into the Yes Brain state. We call it the green zone, green for go. Dan Siegel: So once you're really in that green zone, you check in with yourself. How's my heart doing? How are my muscles doing? Is my jaw clenched? You look for, I call it SIFTing the mind. So the S is the sensations in your body we just went over, the I are any kind of images, so maybe you're seeing red and maybe you're really furious, and maybe you're thinking of images of how you've spoiled him because you take him to the zoo all the time or whatever. Feelings of frustration or anger. Thoughts. "God, I've done a terrible job. This is horrible," or, "This is what my father always did with me. I've made a big mistake in becoming my father." All these things. So you're SIFTing your mind. Dan Siegel: And now, as you sift through this stuff, you're naming things so you can tame them, because what the studies show is that when you name an emotional state, you can actually regulate it. So this is the insight part of BRIE. And now you're going to do the E of BRIE, the empathy. You're going to say, "Well, of course he was frustrated." He entered a No Brain state 'cause he was hungry and tired; maybe he had a sleepover the night before at a friend's house or something. And you both didn't expect it to rain and he loves going to the zoo with you, so of course he's really disappointed. He's seven. He's not 47 like you are; he's seven. Dan Siegel: Okay. So, now once you get yourself SIFTed through, you get back into the Yes Brain state. He's still kicking or whatever he's doing. So here's the move. You connect before you redirect, and what you're doing there is you're able to say to him, "I can understand why it would be so frustrating for you that we couldn't go to the zoo." And then you pause. Now, in that moment what you're doing is, instead of reacting to his reactivity by saying, "Stop yelling! Stop screaming! It's okay, blah, blah, blah," you're actually attuning to where he's at. I remember this with another acronym, PART. You're present for Joey, that's the P. You're attuning, this is the A, which means focusing attention on his inner world, not just his kicking legs and his screaming voice. You're attuning to his inner mental state. In this case, he's fighting back 'cause he's in the No Brain state. He's really mad and upset 'cause he's really disappointed, so he feels threatened because he didn't get to have his time with you, all these things. That's attuning. Dan Siegel: Resonating is, you are being shaped by his internal state. Maybe initially it was too much and you've lost differentiation because you became him. Now you can resonate without over-identifying with him, and that's fine. You can feel that frustration. And the T of PART... So presence; attunement is focusing on the internal world; resonating is feeling, some of his feelings not becoming him. T is trust, and now trust is created, 'cause you say, "Joey, of course you were frustrated, of course it was so hard. I even understand why - it's not okay but - you hit me in the face, 'cause you were feeling so mad, because I didn't recognize how frustrated you were. I get that." Dan Siegel: And then you just sit there. Now in that moment, what's happening to energy and information flow that's within you and within him, is you're becoming joined, because you're not judging his state, you're not trying to teach him a lesson, you're not trying to criticize him, you're just being with him. Instead of being alone, you two are now together. And if you look at the mathematics of that, basically two separate systems becoming joined, as differentiated and now linked, allow the whole system to do what's called "increased complexity." Basically it's becoming more integrated, and the thing that's really fantastic about that is it becomes more regulated. Dan Siegel: So instead of being alone in his frustration and fear and fury, he's now joined with you, and in that joining things start to shift. And in that joining, he moves, little bit by little bit from No Brain reactivity to Yes Brain receptivity. And now, in the joining now, you can then problem-solve together. "We both got really in a No Brain way, didn't we?" "Yeah, we really did." He starts to cry, "But I really wanted to see the pandas." You go, "I know. I did too. Gosh! Oh, my God! I just realized there is a panda movie at the movie theatre. We can go to the movies, if we can get in 'cause maybe everyone is going, so we don't know we can - but why don't we go get some lunch first, see when the movie is playing and let's go to the movies." "Okay, dad, that's great." Dan Siegel: And so what you've done there is so many things. You've taught him how he can go from reactivity to receptivity, so that's the resilience part. You've taught him how to feel the joy and the balance, that's the B part. You've taught him that when he's now joined with you and can reconnect and redirect his focus of attention. The insight is, you've taught him that you were aware you would become reactive. And you're teaching him to become aware of his own state by saying, "Yeah, I guess you were in that reactive state when you hit me. You didn't want to hurt me but you hit me." And then the E, the empathy part is, you're teaching him that you can look beyond the outwardly manifested behaviors, at the mind driving the behaviors. Dan Siegel: And so often parents don't learn that skill, and yet it's a mindsight skill that's at the basis of... The way we teach an internal compass is, by ourselves, tuning into the internal experience of our child, and then the child learns to focus not only on the internal states of others but on their own internal state. So when we come back to that first question, Neil, would you want your adolescent to have an internal compass that drives their moral decisions? And you said yeah, the answer is yes. This is how you do it. You get them in touch with their internal state beyond just outwardly manifested behaviors. That's the key. Mindsight skill-building, is the basis of a Yes Brain strategy approach and being real. You are a real human being who is in the real position of being a parent. Neil Sattin: Well, and I notice with my own son that the more that I show up that way, joining him first and then doing problem-solving, then I've just seen his whole emotional state really flourish and blossom just from adopting that approach more and more, and I've even... I was experimenting a little bit more aggressively while I was reading "The Yes Brain," and what I love about this work is that you illustrate it so clearly in the book, and it's not a very long book, it's a really easy read, and it's really practical and has very immediate effects in terms of the lightness, that I was perceiving anyway, in my own children. Dan Siegel: Exactly. Well, this is the thing that's so incredibly rewarding for Tina and for myself is, we get together and we think, "Okay, where have our parents in our workshops been asking questions? And what could Tina and I do to try to articulate in a very simple way?" And believe me, it is hard to write a short book [chuckle] 'cause often I write long ones. So to really write in a short way for busy, tired parents, something that actually has immediate, practical things you can do and also a conceptual framework that we're trying to build in this library of books. We have "The Whole-Brain Child", "No-Drama Discipline" and the others down the pipe that parents can take in, and instead of them being just separate things, it builds this kind of mindsight approach to parenting. Neil Sattin: Well, Dan, I really appreciate your work and Tina's work with this book, and I just have so many questions I could ask you but we've reached the top of the hour and I want to honor our time commitment that we made. For you listening, if you're interested in finding out more about Dan's work and mindsight, you can listen to episode 57 of the Relationship Alive podcast. You can also download the transcript and the action guide from this episode if you visit neilsattin.com/yesbrain, and we will have a link to Dan Siegel's website, this book, his other books, so that you can get all the information that you need about Dan Siegel and his work. In the meantime, Dan, so much to talk about - so I hope we have the opportunity to chat again in the not too distant future, and thank you so much for joining us today. Dan Siegel: Neil, thank you and thank you for all your wonderful work in bringing me this material for the world out into access for everyone. Neil Sattin: It's my pleasure. You're most welcome! Resources: Check out Dan Siegel's website Read Dan’s latest book (with Tina Payne Bryson) The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child www.neilsattin.com/yesbrain Visit to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Dan Siegel Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out  

How can you disconnect your kid from their screen without a fight? Our featured guest says YES and will offer us some tips and advice. Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., is an internationally acclaimed author, award-winning educator, and child psychiatrist. He is currently a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine where he also serves as a co-investigator at the Center for Culture, Brain, and Development and co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center. He is also the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute, an educational center devoted to promoting insight, compassion, and empathy in individuals, families, institutions and communities. His books include "The Yes Brain," “Mindsight,” “The Developing Mind,” “The Mindful Brain,” “The Mindful Therapist,” “Parenting From the Inside Out,” “The Whole-Brain Child,” and the upcoming "Aware" being released in August 2018. He is the Founding Editor of the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology which includes “Healing Trauma,” “The Power of Emotion,” and “Trauma and the Body.” He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and two children. For more information on Dr. Siegel’s work, please visit www.DrDanSiegel.com.Learn more about Dr. Huber by visiting - http://www.mainstreammentalhealth.org/

A 'Yes Brain' is one that is open and receptive and resilient. It's one that, even when something is really hard, we're willing to stick with it. -Tina Payne Bryson In Episode 20, I'm chatting with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson about her latest book - The Yes Brain - co-authored with Dr. Daniel Siegel. I love this book and highly recommend that every parent, educator, and person who works with kids read it this year. I found it to be helpful not just in my work with kids but in understanding myself (and my own "Yes Brain"!) better. Tina is a psychotherapist and the Founder/Executive Director of THE CENTER FOR CONNECTION in Pasadena, California, where she offers parenting consultations and provides therapy to children and adolescents.  She earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology.  Dr. Bryson has an unusual knack for taking research and theory from various fields of science and offering it in a way that’s clear, realistic, humorous, and immediately helpful. Tina speaks internationally to parents, educators, camps, and clinicians.  She is the co-author (with Dan Siegel) of the New York Times best-selling THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD and the New York Times best-selling NO-DRAMA DISCIPLINE, as well as her latest book, THE YES BRAIN. Advance Praise for The Yes Brain: "This unique and exciting book shows us how to help children embrace life with all of its challenges and thrive in the modern world. Integrating research from social development, clinical psychology, and neuroscience, it's a veritable treasure chest of parenting insights and techniques."  – Carol Dweck, author of Mindset  “Bottom line: every parent wants to raise a strong-minded, resilient, caring child.  We just don't know exactly how; we open our mouths and we sing our parents' tired refrain, "No... no...no." In The Yes Brain, Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson's teach us how to cultivate a receptive, curious brain in our children.  I have never read a better, clearer explanation of the impact parenting can have on a child's brain and personality.” – Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author Raising Cain “In today's busy, competitive culture, allowing our children the space to be themselves is more important than ever. This book provides an escape hatch from the high-stakes mindset. It is a parent's guide to ensuring health, happiness, and genuine success—a blueprint for raising confident, creative kids in a fear-based world. It's never too late to implement the science-based strategies that Dan and Tina share.” –Vicki Abeles, producer and co-director, The Race to Nowhere and Beyond Measure I also interviewed Tina in November on Facebook Live - Check out our video chat!

Educator, psychiatrist, and author Dr. Daniel J. Siegel ("The Whole-Brain Child") talks about the concepts of brain integration, mindset, and his new book, "The Yes Brain," as they relate to differently wired kids. For more information, visit the show notes at http://www.tiltparenting.com/session90

Episode 58 Spend Wednesday after work with #psychedpodcast as we chat with Dr. Dan Siegel about his latest book, The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child http://www.drdansiegel.com/ http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/biography/ Daniel J. Siegel received his medical degree from Harvard University and completed his postgraduate medical education at UCLA with training in… Continue reading Episode 58 – The Yes Brain with Dr. Dan Siegel

In Episode 144 of The Real Food Reel we are joined by Dr Dan Siegel. Dan is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Centre at UCLA. In today's show, we discuss interpersonal neurobiology, the wheel of awareness, the integrated brain and so much more. Show Notes Follow Dr Siegel online: http://www.drdansiegel.com The Yes Brain: http://www.drdansiegel.com/books/the_yes_brain/ Mind: http://www.drdansiegel.com/books/mind/ The post RFR 144: The Wheel of Awareness with Dr Dan Siegel appeared first on The Wellness Couch.

Let’s get real about not being a perfect parent or partner so we can do both better!   Regulation before reflection! We were so excited about our first interview with NYT best-selling author Tina Payne Bryson that for the first time we are bringing a guest back for a second interview!  Sue Marriott, co-host of Therapist Uncensored and Dr. Payne-Bryson get real about parenting when you don’t have a secure background yourself. They cover constructing a coherent narrative and why that’s not really enough, and what needs to be added to the equation. They also get into what healthy integration means and how it helps us navigate under stress and in the heat of an argument. They lay out the grief process in relation to our own parents and how that can open up possibilities of mending old ruptures and creating new growth. Finally they really get into the role of the body over the mind in creating the bottom line, a healthy regulation of self to help others. See Tina live Nov 3-4, 2017 here in Austin! Friday night event, short lecture for the public, parents, educators and clients interested in what should have happened growing up. Saturday clinical conference. Who is Tina Payne Bryson? She is co-author with Dr. Dan Siegel of The Whole Child Brain, The Yes Brain and No-Drama Discipline and founder of The Center for Connection in Pasadena.  Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she has written for numerous publications such as the PBS series “This Emotional Life.” She makes frequent media appearances at venues like TIME, “Good Morning America,” Huffington Post, Redbook, The New York Times, and Real Simple. She is the Child Development Specialist at Saint Mark’s School in Altadena, the Director of Parenting Education at the Mindsight Institute, the Director for Child Development for Camp Chippewa in Cass Lake, Minnesota, and the Child Development Director for Lantern Camps.   Listen to the first one, Episode 27 Raising Secure Children Like this and want to hear more?  Join our email list here, subscribe to Tunes here or sign up for the waiting list for our free online course on Modern Adult Attachment here! We may read your review on air, please rate and review us on your favorite podcast player, it helps so much!! Finally – this is the easiest of all – “Like” our public Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. 0:00 – 15:00 Intro Tina’s current interests are essentially any and everything that comes back to regulation and thinking about it in a bottom up orientation Attachment Creating a cohesive narrative begins with stabilizing a cohesive physical state in your body. Regulation needs to occur before reflection Information you know doesn’t necessarily have the capacity to change how you feel Integration & Alan Schore Factual memories/details in left hemisphere, information taken from the body, procedural memory is right hemisphere. Once integrated, there’s a flow of information between them. When emotions are high, the rational thought is more difficult to access. 15:00 – 30:00 Problem of counter-empathy for other people’s problems when you’re in an emotional state, particularly in regards to children Attention as a vital need for a child Development for children, toddlers and adolescents Tina’s own personal experiences with her parents and children related to attachment and empathy Vulnerability Tina’s experience losing her father and reshaping her narrative about his dismissive nature through understanding attachment Problem of having extensive knowledge of neurobiological and psychological effects distancing therapists from their own personal grief Tina’s experience with attachment in terms of varying messages of condolence when her father passed Nurturing a healthier relationship with Tina’s father after his death – allowing for a positive mental space when envision...

Let’s get real about not being a perfect parent or partner so we can do both better!   Regulation before reflection!   We were so excited about our first interview with NYT best-selling author Tina Payne Bryson (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/tu27_tina_payne_bryson/)  that for the first time we are bringing a guest back for a second interview!  Sue Marriott, co-host of Therapist Uncensored and Dr. Payne-Bryson get real about parenting when you don’t have a secure background yourself. They cover constructing a coherent narrative and why that’s not really enough, and what needs to be added to the equation. They also get into what healthy integration means and how it helps us navigate under stress and in the heat of an argument. They lay out the grief process in relation to our own parents and how that can open up possibilities of mending old ruptures and creating new growth. Finally they really get into the role of the body over the mind in creating the bottom line, a healthy regulation of self to help others.    See Tina live Nov 3-4, 2017 here in Austin!  (https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-whole-brain-approach-for-clinicians-integrating-the-brain-and-regulating-the-nervous-system-tickets-36363058888) . Who is  (http://www.tinabryson.com/) ? She is co-author with Dr. Dan Siegel of The Whole Child Brain, The Yes Brain and No-Drama Discipline and founder of The Center for Connection in Pasadena.  Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she has written for numerous publications such as  (http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/if-i-had-bad-parents-will-i-be-bad-parent-too)  She makes frequent media appearances at venues like TIME, “Good Morning America,” Huffington Post, Redbook, The New York Times, and Real Simple. She is the Child Development Specialist at Saint Mark’s School in Altadena, the Director of Parenting Education at the Mindsight Institute, the Director for Child Development for Camp Chippewa in Cass Lake, Minnesota, and the Child Development Director for Lantern Camps.   Listen to the first one,  Episode 27 Raising Secure Children (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/tu27_tina_payne_bryson/)   Like this and want to hear more?   “Like” our public Facebook page here (https://www.facebook.com/austinshrinks/)  to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest.0:00 – 15:00  Intro  Tina’s current interests are essentially any and everything that comes back to regulation and thinking about it in a bottom up orientation  Attachment  Creating a cohesive narrative begins with stabilizing a cohesive physical state in your body. Regulation needs to occur before reflection  Information you know doesn’t necessarily have the capacity to change how you feel  Integration & Alan Schore  Factual memories/details in left hemisphere, information taken from the body, procedural memory is right hemisphere. Once integrated, there’s a flow of information between them. When emotions are high, the rational thought is more difficult to access. 15:00 – 30:00  Problem of counter-empathy for other people’s problems when you’re in an emotional state, particularly in regards to children  Attention as a vital need for a child  Development for children, toddlers and adolescents  Tina’s own personal experiences with her parents and children related to attachment and empathy  Vulnerability  Tina’s experience losing her father and reshaping her narrative about Support this podcast