Podcasts about daniel how

Patrick answers some of life’s toughest questions; faith, truth, and the decisions each person faces. He explores how Catholic teaching connects to personal struggles, relationships, and doubts that can arise in families. Patrick shares why seeking truth matters, highlights the strength found in community, and talks about how to respond when loved ones move in different directions. For anyone handling challenging conversations about faith or looking for encouragement and clarity, Patrick’s insights offer practical wisdom and perspective. He encourages everyone to keep asking questions and let purpose guide their journey. Kevin (email) - When my sister passed from cancer, my nephew took it very hard and slapped into drugs. He thought running to Mexico would be a good option. He grew up 30 minutes from Saint Augustine, so I’m praying he will get directed to “Hope Reborn”. (00:39) Jose (12-years-old) – Was Jesus fully human? (02:17) Anthony - My son is falling away from the faith because of a girl. What should I do? (05:24) Alfredo - Why when the priests incense the alter do they take the lectionary book off the alter and then bring it back? (13:52) Vince - When Jesus gave Peter the keys to the kingdom, what did it mean that sins could be retained? (20:33) Daniel - How does Patrick know that salvation exists only in the Catholic Church? (22:59) Sheila (email) - Can you expand on John 20:20, when a fallen away Catholic says that was for all people, not just the Apostles? (27:09) Amy (email) - A man called in about his father who has dementia, and you discussed confession options, the sacrament of anointing of the sick, and a 3rd option (if someone were to die alone, but had prayed during their lifetime, they would be saved). Does this 3rd option apply to Protestants? (30:12) Vince - Where are the words hell and purgatory in the Bible? (36:56) Danny - I don't agree with Patrick about Catholic salvation. (40:57) Mary - Are good works burnt up in heaven? If so, why bother writing an obituary? (49:51)

Patrick shared information about the Shroud of Turin and how it really is 2,000 years old. And also the dangers of screen time for kids.   Patrick discussed this article about the Shroud of Turin (0:35): https://www.magiscenter.com/blog/shroud-of-turin-mysteries Janice -Why were severe consequences given for small actions? i.e. Moses hitting the rock, David taking a census, Person touching the Ark.  It seems strange to me (6:42) Daniel- How to answer questions about the rapture? (11:45) Book Recommendation: Will Catholics Be Left Behind: A Critique of the Rapture and Today's Prophecy Preacher by Carl Olson  https://www.amazon.com/Will-Catholics-Left-Behind-Apologetics/dp/0898709504 Hans - He murdered his father and believes certain verses in the bible that justify murder.  Patrick explains it you could never do something evil with a goal mind. (21:28) Maria-Don't have proof of Confirmation, I was 6 months old when I got confirmed. Now I am 78 years old. Is there anyway to trace it back? (31:54) Joanne (10:44)- Worked at a retail store and saw many moms giving their kids phones to entertainment while shopping.. too sad. (37:15) Patrick shared a story about switching to a flip phone (41:32): https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/ar-AA1pmeTK Patrick shared about Charity Mobile https://charitymobile.com/patrick Moses (48:48)- Your thoughts about the Holy Name Society? Holy Name Society Link: https://www.nahns.org/

Becky Darke (The Evolution of Horror, Don't Point That Horror At Me and Return to Eerie, Indiana podcasts) and Joshua Tonks (actor and screenwriter, The Latent Image (2022)) join Flixwatcher to review Becky's choice Cam. Cam (2018) is a psychological horror thriller directed by Daniel (How to Blow Up a Pipeline) Goldhaber. It stars Madeline Brewer as Alice, AKA Lola, a cam girl with ambitions of being the number one ranked girl on the website FreeGirlsLive. One day Alice finds herself locked out of her account and discovers a doppelgänger Lola active and performing on livestreams. Unable to access her account, Alice determined to get it back blurs the lines between Alice and Lola to find out who or what is has taken her identity. Cam might start as a standard slasher film but it doesn't go down the usual route. While the set up doesn't quite match the ending it is still an interesting and chilling film that looks at identity, isolation and the role technology has on our lives. Recommendability scores for Cam were high and with a runtime of 93 minutes, engagement and repeat viewing scores were also strong to give an overall rating of 3.74. [supsystic-tables id=344]     Episode #331 Crew Links Thanks to the Episode #331 Crew of Becky Darke (@bunnydarke) and Joshua Tonks (@JoshuaTonks)   You can find their website here https://t.co/wNsIwbxMs1 and at https://linktr.ee/bunnydarke   Please make sure you give them some love   More about Cam For more info on Cam can visit Cam IMDB page here or Cam Rotten Tomatoes page here. Final Plug! Subscribe, Share and Review us on iTunes If you enjoyed this episode of Flixwatcher Podcast you probably know other people who will like it too! Please share it with your friends and family, review us, and join us across ALL of the Social Media links below. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Daniel has been verbally channeling higher-dimensional beings and collectives since 2010. He has hosted hundreds of live and online group events and private sessions with people all over the globe. He also channels a daily message that is posted right on the homepage of this website, and has been doing so since 2012.   In this episode of Visionary Souls, we explored... What Quantum Soul Embodiment means How everybody is a channel How channeling is still a process for Daniel How channeling is a spectrum - to be one with it is the ultimate goal How Reiki sessions work whether the client believes it or not What the nature of reality is as we understand it Daniel shares a message from the Thymus Collective   And SOUL much more...come play!   **All the Ways To Play** Join me for Ascencia Bali Nov 5-12 Akashic Facilitator Training: Live Course Starts Oct 9 Embodied Ascension Academy courses, workshops + meditations Energy Healing and Purpose Alignment Bundles Register for the Akashic Facilitator Training Certification course 1:1 Soul Sourcing Sessions 1:1 Quantum Healing Transmissions 5D Visionary Mentorship The Empath Experience Book Visionary Souls Support New Book: “I'm Ascending, Now What?” Get your Magic Mind flow state shot here: www.magicmind.com/VISIONARY20 - use my code VISIONARY20 at checkout to save 20%.   Connect with Daniel: Website: https://danielscranton.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielscrantonschanneling/ Instagram: https://instagram.com/danielscrantonchannels Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/danscranton   *************** Support + give a love donation: http://www.paypal.me/sydneycampos

Daniel - How did you become 'so woke' throughout the years? Marie - I want to thank Patrick for being so great at explaining the Catholic faith! Jodi - Patrick's show is a call-in show. Patrick can entertain and inform callers of all different backgrounds. So, my feeling is that Patrick doesn't really dictate a topic. He's there for us! Esther - I'm an 80-year-old cradle Catholic. Every conversation Patrick has is educational! I think Daniel is missing the point! Richard - We did the walk to Mary this year; it was great! I would recommend people do it! Susan - I know a young person who wants to become a nun, but her parents don't want her to. Becky - I've learned so much from Relevant Radio and from Patrick's callers! Rod - I want to refute your view on purgatory: The Bible says that the Blood of Jesus takes away the sins of the world. Hebrews 10:13

Conversations with business owners who actually get it done.In today's episode we cover:- Mistakes we've made in the beginning- Building a behind the scenes team- What success means to Daniel- How he got started

Pastor Matt will continue our study of the book of Daniel (How to Thrive in Babylon) with a message called The End Time's.---Give Online: https://arundelcc.churchcenter.com/givingACC Website: http://www.arundelcc.org/

Pastor Matt will continue our study of the book of Daniel (How to Thrive in Babylon) with a message called The Lion's Den.---Give Online: https://arundelcc.churchcenter.com/givingACC Website: http://www.arundelcc.org/---CCLI License #1588415

Today Pastor John will continue our study of the book of Daniel (How to Thrive in Babylon) with a message called The Writing on the Wall.

Today we start a brand-new series walking through the book of Daniel:  How to Thrive in Babylon.  Pastor Matt will kick it off with a sermon titled Culture Shift, which teaches us how the world attempts to influence us and give us bad values.  How can we stand up against the world's culture?

00:00 My Amazon Guy PPC AMA Live Q&A with Mina Elias & Matthew Davis09:56 Introduction14:24 Jeffrey Valen- How and when do you determine settings for TOS placement % and by how much?20:13 Jahleel Pinner- Will existing products in 2 or 3 packs get the honeymoon period if I variate them with the existing one pack?21:07 Differences between fixed and down only bid22:46 ASIN performance level data24:48 Creating a good campaign structure30:30 DanteTV- How can I structure the campaigns to test all 55 keywords to see which of them perform well?34:07 Karan Singh- Any tips you have on top of search campaigns with multiple targets at scale and in bulk?36:26 Iza Fiaz- No significant improvement in TACOS; what factors should we consider to improve organic ranking?40:14 Not seeing improvement in lowering bids42:54 Getting minimal impressions after bumping bid to $10044:57 Different date range of PPC reports46:21 DanteTV- What is people's most common mistake when launching in the vitamins/supplement niche, especially with PPC?53:19 Behaviors to look at when constantly testing56:23 Karan Singh- Is cannibalization overrated?58:35 Boxer- I have 450 units and want to maximize profitability; what is the best PPC method in this instance?1:01:44 Andy Craig- In what situations do you like to use “dynamic up and down” or “fixed bidding”?1:03:37 Karan Singh- What are some benchmark KPIs I should aim for? CVR, CTR, etc.1:09:20 The 80/20 rule strategy for keywords1:12:07 Daniel- How should we analyze our PPC campaign during the launch?1:15:23 Adding misspell words to search terms and with PPC1:16:17 Casey T.- Do you think that product differentiations working in January would also work now?1:22:42 George Geourgiou- How many days should I wait when I launch a new product before optimizing the campaigns?1:23:52 Ashish Verma- How to allocate budget across campaigns?Mina Elias, our guest, started selling nutrition supplement brands on Amazon, and his sales skyrocketed quickly. He continuously shared his successful tips and tricks with other Amazon sellers and became known as the Amazon PPC expert.His company, Trivium Group, began when he outperformed four large agencies and won a sizable bid from an organization. Since then, his company has grown by 500%.Trivium was born with the belief that by implementing strategic marketing strategies, every eCommerce brand can reach its revenue goals. With his experience, he  learned that:

Patrick clarifies the requirements and responsibilities of being a Godparent, and he talks with a college student who asked, "Why is the Catholic Church different from other denominations?" Patrick shares his experience being in an earthquake Rats with backpacks could help rescue earthquake survivors Edward (05:06) - Can I be a Godparent of someone who is not a practicing Catholic? Daniel - How can I talk with Mormon missionaries who come to my door in a way that may convert them? Dawn - My husband, who is a Godparent, is not baptized. If he does decide to get baptize, will he be valid Godparent? Mercedes (25:22) - Why is the Catholic Church different from other denominations? Betty - A friend of mine doesn't go to Mass often, but when she does go she receives communion. What should I do? Michelle - Could you explain who invented Textus Receptus and why?

What are pros and cons of physician mortgage loans? What do you need to know before taking one out, especially during a crazy market and changing rates causing sticker shock? In this episode of the Finance for Physicians Podcast, Daniel Wrenne talks to Doug Crouse, mortgage lender that specializes in physician loans and author of Hippocratic House: Do No Harm When Purchasing Your First Physician Home. Topics Discussed: Advantages: Low down payments, lack of PMI, and new job qualifications House Poor HENRY? Don’t go into major debt to keep up with the Joneses Hippocratic House: What to ask/expect as a first-time physician home buyer Disadvantages: Some lenders price their physician loans higher due to upsides Due Diligence: What to consider with lenders—service, rate, and closing costs Doug’s Predictions: Rates will continue to climb but not at same pace ARM: Makes sense if you don’t stay in the house and you make enough money Links: Historical 30-Year Mortgage Rates Doug Crouse - Physician Loans at BMO Harris Bank Hippocratic House: Do No Harm When Purchasing Your First Physician Home by Doug Crouse (Amazon) Hippocratic House: Do No Harm When Purchasing Your First Physician Home (Free Copy) The Big Short Movie Contact Finance for Physicians Finance for Physicians Full Episode Transcript: Daniel: What's up, everyone? Welcome to the Finance for Physicians podcast. I'm your host, Daniel Wrenne. Join me as we dig into what it looks like for physicians to begin using their finances as a tool to live better lives. You can learn more about our resources at financeforphysicians.co. Let's jump into today's episode. Hey, guys. I hope you are having a great day. I am excited to have a special guest joining me today, and that is Doug Crouse. He is a mortgage lender who specializes particularly in physician loans. When it comes to physician loans, Doug pretty much knows all there is to know. He actually even wrote a book about it called the Hippocratic House: Do No Harm When Purchasing Your First Physician Home. He offers that as a gift. I think you can buy it on Amazon, but he will offer it as a gift if you contact them. Anyway, Doug knows physician loans backwards and forwards. We're going to be talking about some of the pros and cons of the physician loan and some of the things you need to know before you go about taking one out. We'll also talk about some of the crazy market stuff going on with mortgages lately. If you haven't been paying attention, the rates are through the roof. We're going to talk a little bit about what's going on there and how that might change over time. Without further ado, let's jump into today's episode. Doug, what's up, man? Doug: Hey, Daniel. Thanks for having me on. Daniel: How you been doing? Doug: Doing good. Daniel: Are you surviving all this mortgage craziness? Doug: It has been a little chaotic with the Fed move. It's a little shocking when I talk to some people and they see rates are two points higher than they were three months ago. That's kind of a sticker shock to some. Daniel: I guess it's been two months, three months time has been up about 2% on average? Doug: Yeah. I think, probably end of January, 1st of February, I

Mandatory Mask Theater Returns, CDC Announces Long Term Extension for Biden Transportation Mask Mandate, No Expiration Date, Planes, Trains and Busses Biden Causes Cringes In Gaffe Discussing Leaked SCOTUS Opinion Elizabeth Warren is ANGRY Senator Lisa Murkowski, a centrist Republican, called the leak of a draft opinion on Roe v. Wade  absolutely reprehensible." But, she added, if the decision goes in the direction that the draft indicates, it rocks my confidence in the court right now." TJ - Regarding Roe V wade. what are they afraid of with putting this back to the states if they say the majority of people are against overturning this? Daniel - How can I speak confidently without getting hurt when I get knocked down for speaking out? And how can I forgive someone from my past and move on?

Ask Austin Anything! In this episode Austin answers questions from listeners just like you. Get your question answered on a future Ask Austin Anything episode by submitting it to the link below.Time Stamped Show Notes:[0:25] - #AAA for March 2022[1:23] - Ryan - “What is the most common reason people struggle to ask for a raise?”[4:46] - Cecilia - “In what format do you recommend negotiating (e.g. phone, email, text, in-person)?”[7:58] - Helena - “What would you recommend if you tried to negotiate salary after an offer was extended, but the recruiter told you there's literally no room for change, these are the standard salaries for offers, they've never heard of an increase happening, and they insist on all of that?”[10:58] - Alec - “When going for promotion at your current company, how do you position yourself to not be automatically slotted in at the bottom of the band?”[14:43] - Daniel - “How can job seekers deal with the anxiety of negotiating the offer?”Have questions about how to supercharge your salary? Text them to Austin at (201) 479-9511.Ask Austin Anything:Click here to get your question answered on a future #AAA episodeShare Your Feedback:Want a free resume or LinkedIn profile review from Austin? Leave us a rating or review on iTunes to automatically be entered to win. We choose winners every week, click here to learn how to leave a review and enter to win.What should Austin talk about next? Ask a question or share your thoughts at CultivatedCulture.com/FeedbackConnect With Austin:Cultivated CultureLinkedInInstagram@austinbelcak on TwitterTry Austin's free Resume Builder, free Resume Scanner, and free Mailscoop email finder tool

Today we're joined by special guest, Hari Krishnan, to discuss the advantages and drawbacks of machine learning-based trading strategies, successful funds that utilizes machine learning investment techniques, defining machine learning and comparing it with artificial intelligence, how Trend Following can best integrated with machine learning, the history of machine learning in the investment world, and we also answer some of your questions, such as how to select signals for a smaller trading account. In this episode, we discuss: The reasons for and against machine learning trading strategies If any funds have successfully implemented machine learning What defines machine learning The history behind machine learning-based trading styles How to manage smaller trading accounts, when it comes to signal selection How to time the entry into trend following funds If you would like to leave us a voicemail to play on the show, you can do so https://www.speakpipe.com/ttuvoicemail (here). Check out our series on Volatility https://www.toptradersunplugged.com/podcasts/volatility/ (here), and our Global Macro series https://www.toptradersunplugged.com/category/global-macro/ (here). Learn more about the Trend Barometer https://www.toptradersunplugged.com/resources/market-trends/ (here). IT's TRUE

Daniel Bauer is an unorthodox Ruckus Maker who has mentored thousands of school leaders through his Better Leaders Better Schools blog, books, podcasts, and powerful coaching experiences.    Daniel's book, Mastermind: Unlocking Talent Within Every School Leader, reimagines what professional development for school administrators looks like in order to meet the needs of all school leaders who currently feel isolated and overwhelmed.   Join us for this conversation about the struggles that school leaders are currently facing, the importance of mindfulness and changing perspectives, and how school leaders can work towards minimizing the socio-economic gaps that exist.   IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVER:   Struggles that school leaders are currently grappling with Daniel's vision for connecting school leaders Why mindfulness is so important in leadership How changing perspectives can help reinvent what's possible in education What an ideal education looks like for Daniel How school leaders can work towards minimizing the socio-economic gap while teaching consciously within it's current existence   RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Connect with Daniel on LinkedIn and Twitter You can also reach Daniel at daniel@betterleadersbetterschools.com or 312-788-7595 Get Daniel's book, Mastermind: Unlocking Talent Within Every School Leader (use the code ‘RUCKUS' for 20% off the cover price + free shipping!) Visit Better Leaders Better Schools to find Daniel's podcasts, join a Mastermind, and get resources to build your leadership skills Learn more about Rebel Educator, explore our professional development opportunities for educators and students, and check out our project library Visit us at UP Academy to learn more about our personalized and inclusive learning environment Connect with Tanya and UP Academy on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram and learn more about her journey here   MORE ABOUT THE REBEL EDUCATOR PODCAST:   In each episode of the Rebel Educator podcast, I deconstruct world-class educators, students, and thought leaders in education to extract the tactics, tools, and routines that you can use as teachers and parents. Join me as we discuss how to shift the classroom, the learning environment, the mindset, and the pedagogy, to resist tradition, reignite wonder, and re-imagine the future of education.   This podcast is dedicated to all of the educators who work thankless hours to make our next generation the best it can be.  It was designed to begin conversations on how we can redesign education for the future of work and the success of our students.  It is meant for teachers, students, administrators, home schoolers and anyone who interacts with and teaches youth.

If you've ever wanted to see more clearly and feel more whole and at peace, then do we have the mosaic show for you. Today I'll be talking with Daniel Bruce Levin, author, poet, businessman, and mystic, a former monk and former business director of Hay House, and the author of perhaps my favorite fable ever, “The Mosaic” We'll talk about finding peace by rediscovering our connection to something greater and learning how to see clearly again.  Key Points Discussed: How many times have you walked away from everything and walked towards yourself? Connecting to the beast of passion and living in the moment instead of running away from it How did you handle the competing interest within you that could have torn you apart? The reason why Daniel was set up How the horrible consequences of having an affair unfolded into the greatest gift for Daniel How to establish connection in a world where nobody can say how they actually feel and where people don't listen to each other How to pour out enough of the cup to listen to the universe but most importantly listen to ourselves The internal conflict we go through when we are out of integrity and out of sync Creating a listening revolution and the impact it could have The blind woman who sees more clearly than any of us and how we can begin to see How do we let of the stories that are destroying us to set ourselves free? The importance of trusting our inner voice and how Daniel did it   ……. To find out more visit: https://amzn.to/2PEOHy7 - The Mosaic https://danielbrucelevin.com/ http://www.themosaiconline.com/ https://amzn.to/3qULECz - Order Michael Sandler's new book, "AWE, the Automatic Writing Experience" www.automaticwriting.com  ……. Follow Michael and Jessica's exciting journey and get even more great tools, tips, and behind-the-scenes access. Go to https://www.patreon.com/inspirenation   For free meditations, weekly tips, stories, and similar shows visit: https://inspirenationshow.com/   We've got NEW Merch! - https://teespring.com/stores/inspire-nation-store   Follow Inspire Nation, and the lives of Michael and Jessica, on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/InspireNationLive/   Find us on TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@inspirenationshow 

My name is Sarah Chapman. I’ve been married for almost 20 years to my husband, Trent, together we have 5 children and live in Lehi, Utah. I am an author of two books, “MindStrength for Women” and “Underneath it all.....You’re Naked” Both of these books were written after a very hard period of time in life. One was about my physical journey to coming back to myself and the other is my sexuality journey of overcoming my judgment about sex to becoming more curious. I went about teaching women about sexual health for 2 years and mainly surrounding the female sexual response cycle. I taught women that you can’t find freedom in your understanding of your sexuality until you have overcome the deep rooted beliefs about sex. I found my own freedom from it that is why I wrote a book about it. Now my focus is on creating a community of women where we come together weekly to share the physical, mental and sexual aspects of our lives and have meaningful discussions with a workbook followed by an exercise class. Because movement creates emotion. You can find me: Instagram : @mindstrength.for.women MindStrength for Women Facebook Group Email: sarah@mindstrengthmentor.com   Full Transcript:  00:00 Narrator: Welcome to Improving Intimacy, a podcast to help single and married, Latter-Day Saints strengthen their family connections and marriages. Daniel A. Burgess is the host of Improving Intimacy, Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist, father, husband, and author. Here's Daniel on this episode of Improving Intimacy.   [music]   00:28 Daniel: Welcome to another episode of Improving Intimacy. On today’s episode we have Sarah Chapman, who is an author; and we’re excited to review her book with her today and kinda learn her journey to getting to this book. Sarah, welcome to the show.   00:44 Sarah: Thank you for having me, Daniel. I appreciate this, it’s really exciting.   00:48 Daniel: I’m very excited. As someone who’s writing a book, I also 1) kinda selfishly learn your journey, (mine’s been a very difficult one). And, so I may get a little selfish in my inquiries here--but more importantly, I’m curious to hear more about you. Who are you as a wife, as a person, as a mother? Tell us a little about yourself and what got you to this point.   01:12 Sarah: Sure, love to. So, I (we), Trent and I, my husband and I, will be going on 19 years of marriage this September. I have 5 children, I currently live in Utah. We lived in California for a time, actually, in San Diego area actually. Miss that place, for sure. But, yeah, I first basically grew up in an LDS home and I grew up in a family with 8 children, and I’m 6th of the 8. [...] In our home we didn’t talk about anything remotely close to our bodies. We were very surface type of family. We didn’t really talk about hard things. I wouldn’t say that we were an authentic family. But, at the same time, I did feel loved by my parents and I felt that they were providing me with a really great education, secularly as well as spiritually. And so, I didn’t feel like I was necessarily neglected in the way I was thinking.    02:29 Sarah: However, growing up as a teenager in the 90s, I’d run around with some friends who were sexually active and seeing the naive young teenager that I was, I kinda looked at them and viewed them as people who were naughty girls, right? And so, I remember church lessons here and there. It wasn’t very often, but I do remember those specific metaphors that were shared. I actually did get the “chewed up piece of gum” kind of analogy, which maybe a lot of your audience here might have gotten.   03:10 Daniel: Oh…(sarcastically) excellent. Yeah.   03:13 Sarah: You know? And then I also just really created a lot of...I would just look at the word sex and just immediately think that it was just this dirty thing. However, there was also this other part of me that was being told that it was this sacred thing, and you don’t talk about it, right? And so I was just kinda like this....back and forth in my head about like, “what is this?” Sure, I had boyfriends in high school and I do remember getting close a couple times where I feel like my body was in a state of arousal. Obviously I didn’t know what it was, because I didn’t know my body then. But looking back, I’m like, “Oh, that’s what that tingling sensation was when I was getting close to that boy, oh! Okay, right.”    04:06 Sarah: I can say that now, but at the time, as a teenager, I didn’t at all. And I never (like when I would shower and stuff), like I would just hurry and shower really quick and then get out. I never wanted to self-pleasure or anything, at all. I didn’t even know my body. And so, come the time of marriage, the night before I’m to be married, my mom thinks it’s a great time to talk about sex. She pulls me aside and she basically asked me, “You’re gonna have sex tomorrow night, right?” and I was like, “well, I guess…”. I mean, I kinda remember my teenage years back in high school telling me that a penis goes inside a vagina, but then I was like...I plugged my ears like “I don’t wanna hear this, I don’t wanna hear this!” I just kinda ignored what they were gonna tell me. I knew just that fact: that a penis goes into a vagina and that was it. My mom was like, “Well, here’s a book. Go ahead and read this book.” And it was the book from...is it called, Between Husband and Wife by Lamb? Dr. Lamb?   05:14 Daniel: Oh yeah, oh yeah. 05:15 Sarah: Yeah, it was that book. And I was like, “Mom, I don’t have time to read this book.” And she’s like, “Well, you’ll eventually refer back to it.” And that was it. That was my sex talk from my mom. I was just basically thrown into the fire the night of my wedding. It was very traumatic. Very long, exhausting night as any honeymooners would imagine, who had never had sex before, trying to figure things out, trying to figure out our bodies. Anyways, it was just a mess. And I called my mom the next day, just in tears, like, “I just got married and this just happened to me.” I didn’t go into detail with her because we don’t...we don’t talk about details or anything like that. But I really wanted to, like, it was like this cry for help. Like, “why didn’t you tell me these things? Why didn’t you help me to understand how my body works in this way? That it’s supposed to be designed for this?” Anyway. That’s just kinda the cycle that happened for I’d say the first 16 years of my marriage. That was the only thing we really fought about in our marriage, was sex. It wasn’t money or anything, it was always about sex.   06:42 Daniel: You mean, the issues were always about sex? 06:45 Sarah: The issues, yeah. 06:46 Daniel: Okay. 06:47 Sarah: Yeah, thank you. Yeah. The issues around sex. He would always try to approach me and help to try to fix me, right? Because of course he wanted a decent experience, too. But, at the same time, I was looking at him like, “Oh...this is all you want. You just want my body.” And that was it. I viewed myself as this tool for him.   07:09 Daniel: So let me pause you right there. What you just stated was big! It was huge. So, you viewed yourself as a tool for him to get satisfied, is that what you’re saying? 07:22 Sarah: Exactly, yeah.   07:24 Daniel: And that was because of…   07:25 Sarah: You know, because I never...I never wanted to receive that pleasure for myself. Because I once again thought it was like...I thought I was a bad girl if I did that, right? So, even when I did have an orgasm, I’d immediately feel guilty every single time afterwards because of this shame that I’d created in my head about me having pleasure. So then, I viewed him as, “oh, he’s just using my body, and sex is for him, and orgasm is something that he just needs all the time.” 08:03 Daniel: I wanna explore that a little bit, if you’re okay with it. I know you bring it up in indirect ways, in fact, in your book Underneath it All... and I apologize to the audience, I didn’t mention the name of your book, Underneath it All...You’re Naked. I love that title by the way, I think it’s excellent.   08:18 Sarah: Thank you   08:19 Daniel: And your subtitle is “shedding light on misconceptions about sex from a Christian wife to Christian women.” But what you said right there was, you couldn’t allow yourself to experience pleasure. If you’re okay with that, let’s explore that a little bit more. You’re not the first to say this on my podcast and I hear it a lot from clients. What did it mean to you to experience pleasure? You’re married now, you knew clearly beforehand that (or, atleast, your value system says that) before marriage, I’m not gonna experience this. You’re saying: you jump in the shower, you get out as fast as you can because you didn’t want to self-stimulate or do anything wrong.   08:56 Sarah: Yep   08:57 Daniel: So now you’re married. What was the barrier for you in allowing yourself to experience that joy?   09:08 Sarah: Well, I think you’re basically asking what kinda shifted that focus for me? 09:16 Daniel: Well, what continued? A lot of men will get into relationships, they know they’re not supposed to pleasure before marriage but now they’re in marriage and they’re willing to let it all go--kinda the dynamic you just explained with you and your husband.   09:28 Sarah: Yeah.   09:29 Daniel: But, what prevented you, I guess...maybe, is it a shift? I guess that’s the question I’m asking you is, is it a shift? Or, it seemed more like though, you carried this perspective: “I’m not allowed to have sexual pleasure even in marriage.” Which seems incongruent with the thoughts and beliefs you had before marriage. What was the barrier to...I mean, you saw your husband having pleasure, did that peak your interest and say, “How can I have that pleasure?” or was it this continued, “I can’t have this. It’s too shameful, it’s too hurtful.” 10:04 Sarah: No, it was definitely too hurtful to me. I would just, lay there. I always like to say I’d lay there like a dead fish, maybe you’ve heard that term before. I would just allow him to just do whatever he wanted to my body. You know? And I was really good at faking orgasm. It was definitely something just to get him off me as soon as I could, right? Because I just felt dirty the whole time, when he was on me. It’s amazing how much conditioning that I had created in my head, and this belief that really ate away at my soul. To know that this shame enveloped my whole body and created a wedge in my marriage to where I looked at him as somebody that just used me. You know?    11:10 Daniel: So, I’m really curious. What took you from that experience to what you say on page 56? It’s this idea of being able to embrace very differently. Practice patience, self-compassion, and have a sense of humor about it. That seems like a complete 180 shift.    11:29 Sarah: Yeah. 11:30 Daniel: What was the journey you had from what you’re experiencing, that “pleasure is painful and icky” to this wonderful perspective of even having a sense of humor about it? What led you there?   11:41 Sarah: Well, not an overnight thing. I’ll just say that right now. [laughs] It definitely was, you know, I had this moment--this wake-up call. Sixteen years in, I was fed up. Basically telling myself over and over and over, “Sarah why can’t you figure this out? Why is this so hard for you? Why can’t you just get over this? Why do you look at sex in this perspective?” Just this why, why why. I finally had this moment of surrender. I didn’t talk to anybody, Daniel. I suffered in silence for years. I didn’t talk to my sisters, definitely not my mom, right? Not even my girlfriends, nobody. 12:30 Daniel: That’s what we’re taught. We’re taught to not even talk to our loved one’s about it, even our spouse.   12:34 Sarah: Exactly, exactly. And of course, then Trent would ask, my husband would ask me, “what is it you want?” And I’m like, “well, I don’t know what i want.” I’ve never allowed myself to have conversations and talk about it. He would just ask me question after question to open my mind and see the possibility and then I’d shut him down all the time, right? It was just this constant battle. So finally, it was just this one day, I called Suzanne, right? I refer to her in my book a lot. She was this woman who I met randomly in Guatemala of all places. I just look back and I’m like, it was by divine design that I would meet her that summer of 2017 so that she could open my eyes.   13:20 Daniel: I actually love what you said about Suzanne, is that she started her journey because of romance novels. I like that.   13:29 Sarah: Yeah. I’m not a big romance novel kind of girl but you know, some people are. Anyway we got to talking. We literally...our airbnbs were literally across from each other. I didn’t know Spanish, she didn’t know Spanish, it was a Sunday afternoon, we had nothing else to do--so we got to know each other. And we literally...like, she just opened up to me. We talked about our sex lives, and this ws the very first time I was like, this is a really fun conversation! It was the first time I actually looked at it with clear eyes to see the potential in me and the hope. Because she had already kinda gone through her own little journey, because she was basically me. She gave me hope to look at it with a different set of eyes. I went from a place of--this is where I talk a lot about, in my book--this view of going from a judgement place to being more curious. She allowed me, she gave me permission. It’s interesting how as women, we need permission, you know? 14:44 Daniel: What I’m curious though, is, what was it about Suzanne that allowed you to open up? you have been fighting this for so many years.   14:52 Sarah: Yeah.   14:53 Daniel: What prevented you from putting up another barrier? “Nope, I’m not talking about that, that’s betraying my husband, that’s betraying myself…”   14:57 Sarah: That’s true.   14:58 Daniel: What was it about her that allowed you to open up?    15:03 Sarah: Good question.   15:04 Daniel: I think that’s the biggest thing with women is finding that opportunity and how, because they get into this same place where “I can’t talk about this and I won’t talk about it and I don’t care how familiar I am with you”--so what was it about her>   15:15 Sarah: Yeah. Well, one of the things that I had been studying and learning about...I love Brené Brown, and at that point in my life I’d really been learning vulnerability and authenticity. When she just started talking to me and exposing herself to me, I was .... she gave me permission to therefore share my things, right? There’s power when you can start a conversation and be like, “I’m messed up.” You know? “Here’s all these parts of me that I don’t understand, can you help me kinda walk through this?”    15:53 Sarah: And that’s what she was for me, you know? And I think that’s what really created that safe place for me. She was like my safe place, because we could relate on so many levels, right? And I think when there’s vulnerability and authenticity in any friendship or relationship, there’s definitely power behind that--to be able to know, “hey, I’m not alone. We can do this together.” And I feel like that’s kinda what I’ve been doing now...you know, here’s my mess and I’m creating it into a message and helping other women to understand “you’re not alone. You’re not broken. There’s hope for you.” And I think that’s what's beautiful about this. And that’s what made that shift for me, is to allow myself to just open up, receive the information from this trusted (well, quick-trusted friend, right? I’d just met her) and just share all of me with her. It was quite an experience, that was for sure.   17:00 Daniel: So it sounds like Brené Brown gave you that courage,    17:04 Sarah: Yeah, exactly.   17:04 Daniel: that platform, or, not platform, kinda that foundation that it’s okay to be vulnerable here. But what I think is important for the audience to be aware of is, you’re still really new in your journey. This was very recently. So, you went to, on that trip back in, if I remember right, 2017? 17:20 Sarah: 2017, yeah. 17:21 Daniel: So you’re only like, three years into this. 17:25 Sarah: Yeah. 17:25 Daniel: That is phenomenal! You cranked out a book in sharing your journey. That’s...   17:31 Sarah: Yeah. 17:32 Daniel: So, emotionally, what is that like for you right now? So, kinda step away from the book and this narrative. You really are, in the context of people who are learning themselves, you’re really at the beginning of this journey. So, emotionally, what are you going through right now?   17:52 Sarah: Emotionally, I mean, you know what? I started it...I just consumed as much information as I could. I finally got to this place where I could..   18:06 Daniel: Do you feel like you’re a lot more confident? Or do you feel like you still have a lot of insecurities or vulnerabilities around it? Where do you feel like you’re at? 18:15 Sarah: I totally feel confident in my sexuality now, and that I can say that--I wouldn’t say 100%, for sure--I’m still learning and growing and I think that’s what’s great about understanding your sexuality because it’s going to always evolve and change because there’s just more things we’re gonna find out about ourselves. But, oh man, just to think about where I’ve...even just two years ago...to where I am now, and being able to have emotional connection with my husband, and him understanding how me, as a woman, how I work. And, you know, he takes the time to emotionally connect with me before even getting into the bedroom, you know? And understanding how my body needs to go through this sexual response cycle, which, I talk about that in my book. There’s a lot of therapists out there that talk about the different sexual response cycles that we go through, right? 19:20 Daniel: Exactly. 19:21 Sarah: And just, understanding that.   19:22 Daniel: So you gave yourself permission to get here so that you can help your husband understand your body because in the past, you know, he’s asking what you want, and as you said, you’re there as a dead fish. Just, finish it out. 19:33Sarah: Yeah. 19:34 Daniel: That, I think, is critical. Like I posted in our Improving Intimacy group today this idea of, especially with women, “okay, I’ve given myself permission, now it’s scary.” Was it scary to give yourself permission? Were you afraid of what you discovered? 19:50 Sarah: Oh, yeah! Yeah. So, of course, we’re going to have those fears. It’s part of our human nature, especially when we’ve created so much judgement and shame around it. There’s going to be fear that comes up. And there’s definitely going to be things that we might come across we don’t quite understand, or we definitely judge really quickly, right?    20:18 Sarah: Masturbation being one of them for me. That was a huge, like...I didn’t want to enter that specific subject until I felt comfortable in my body first, and learning the anatomy of my body first, before I could venture into that. So I feel like it’s a series of stepping stones. You kinda have to evolve into and work into. As I started reading all these books, that’s kind of what happened after I met with Suzanne, she gave me a couple books to read--and from there, I just took off. I was like, thirsting for knowledge for the first time in sex. Once I’d read one book, I went to the next book, and then I went to the next book. Just reading so much content that I could get my hands on. It was this, like, basically cry for help and just learning on my couch from all different kinds of therapists and sex experts and human sexuality professors and so many things, and I just was like, “oh my gosh! I’m finally in a place where I can receive this!” And yes, there’s gonna be content out there, once again, that we just kinda have to like, pick and choose, I don’t know, what resonates with you? 21:39 Daniel: I think that’s...I wanna ask you about that.    21:43 Sarah: Sure.   21:44 Daniel: But before I do, I really appreciate you addressing, briefly, in your book, about masturbation. You give a context for it, the history behind it, the fears around it. 21:51 Sarah: Yeah. 21:52 Daniel: What was that journey for you? You’re addressing that fear, you’re realizing, “okay, I need to understand myself.” Some wives feel like, “okay, I do need to figure out my body, but I will not do it without my husband present.    22:05 Sarah: Yeah.    22:06 Daniel: What was it like for you? Did you find that it was more valuable to do it alone so that you could do it without pressure? Or was it important for you to explore that with your spouse? 22:15 Sarah: So, in the beginning, I chose to explore with my husband. And it’s still a work in progress, Daniel [laughs], it’s still kinda like...I’m not fully 100% like going off by myself all the time, you know what I mean? But at the same time, like, it’s kinda going back to this stepping stone thing. I start with my husband to understand, and know, and feel comfortable, and then [...] it’s still just something that I know, I KNOW--that’s the crazy part, I KNOW--that it’s beneficial for me to know what feels good and what doesn’t, you know?    22:56 Daniel: Absolutely.   22:57 Sarah: But then, the shame just creeps in. And I remember this one specific time, I was like, “okay, Sarah.” I was seriously coaching myself! “Okay, Sarah, we can do this. We can do this!” You know? 23:11 Daniel: And you’re talking about when you’re masturbating, you’re trying to... 23:14 Sarah: Yeah!   23:14 Daniel: ...to get into the headspace.   23:15 Sarah: Like, I’ll go and I’ll coach myself and like, I’ll breathe and everything. A really great book, Slow Sex, was really powerful for me, by the way. 23:24 Daniel: Okay, excellent. Excellent book.   23:25 Sarah: Just the breathing, and… yeah.   23:26 Daniel: I think a lot of...so, we’re speaking to an LDS audience or a Christian-based audience. Sometimes, that book isn’t received very well. She talks about a lot of--   23:37 Sarah: Yeah   23:38 Daniel: So, the audience--it’s an excellent book. Excellent book. It does venture into some concepts and ideas that I think are extremely helpful, but be aware, it is not a warning, but just be aware--you're not going out and getting, you know, an LDS book about how to understand your own sexuality. It’s a very raw and in-depth book. Excellent.   24:00 Sarah: Yeah. 24:01 Daniel: So, I think that’s, so that kinda leads me into my second question, or where we left off before I asked this question. There’s so many resources out there. Often, when people try to explore this route, they stay, you know they kind of follow that insecurity be staying on a very safe path of resources. I don’t wanna name any books, I don’t want anybody to feel like they’re being judged around it, but--   24:27 Sarah: Sure.   24:28 Daniel: How did you, for example, Emily Nagoski, that’s not an LDS author. How did you determine which books were good for you? Whether it’s Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, or Natasha [breaks off]   24:39 Sarah: Uh huh.   24:40 Daniel: What was your internal compass to decide, “this is helpful, this is good in my pursuit of my own sexuality, but being within the framework of my faith?” 24:51 Sarah: Sure. The thing is, when you go on Amazon, there’s going to be all kinds of reviews from all over, right? Of course I would read the reviews, that’s what most people do when they go searching for a book. but also, of course, having my friend Suzanne of course had already read a few. So I kinda had an understanding... 25:14 Daniel: [laughs]   25:15 Sarah: ...from some of the things, right? so then there’s also...I did go and actually look them up, not just about their book but just them as a person. I did some research on who they are and like, what are they teaching, what are they, like, out there, like, what’s their message, kind of thing. And so then I felt more comfortable to kinda open up and seek. And of course, I’d go to my city library, right? And go to the sexuality section and I’d just camp out and just kinda peruse books that way. That’s also helpful ‘cause it’s free. It’s not like I’m going to buy a book. But, there’s so many [pauses] there’s amazing people out there doing amazing things, and I just…   26:09 Daniel: So I guess, let me push a little on this, is--for example, with Slow Sex, what kept you from reading that and saying, “whoa. This is way outside of my value system.” 26:17 Sarah: [laughs]   26:18 Daniel: “I shouldn’t be reading this.” And we’re talking about, just three years ago, you’re Sarah who’s just now recognizing all the rigidity around your sexual understanding and lack of understanding with your sexuality.   26:31 Sarah: Yeah.   26:32 Daniel: What kept you from throwing that book aside and saying, “this is horrible”?   26:39 Sarah: Well, I know this sounds really simple, but what I kept coming back to all the time, Daniel, was “Sarah, quit judging it. Be more curious.” 26:50 Daniel: Not simple at all. That is beautiful.   26:54 Sarah: You know, that’s it. That’s all...and that’s what I had to tell myself all the time. “Sarah, you’re looking at oral sex and you’re judging it. How can I be more curious about how it can apply to me and my relationship in my intimate relationship with my husband?” Like, what does that look like, you know? And so [laughs] it really is simple. But it is so profound to me, and it’s carried me the last three years. And that’s why I really hone-in on it in my book. Waking up women to understand, “quit judging it so much,”   27:34 Daniel: Absolutely love it.   27:34 Sarah: “and look at it from a place of curiosity.”   27:35 Daniel: And I think you see that journey as you go through this, like, starting in...what chapter is this? Page 100 or so. You start talking about loving yourself from the inside out. And you do a full inventory: “what do I lack? What am I insecure about?” (I’m putting some of my own words to this, but…) you take the individual through this process and I think that’s key. absolutely key. So, yes, the answer is simple, but boy, the process can be painful. That’s something that I actually warn my clients when I do this similar type of self-inventory. I have them often review themselves: where did they start--I like the word you used, stop judging it, and just learn from it. And I have people start to do this, is “stop judging your body, in fact, look at yourself. You think you have a fat tummy, who told you that? Who defined that for you?”   28:28 Sarah: Exactly.   28:29 Daniel: “Who took away your agency to keep you from actually looking at yourself in the way you should? Who defined it?” And they’ll go through this emotional process, “oh my goodness, that first boy I dated, he made fun of me or he poked me in the tummy and ever since then, I’ve been insecure. I’m not gonna let that dude take away from my agency. I’m gonna choose how to view my body.” And you kinda do a similar thing here.   28:53 Sarah: Yeah. 28:54 Daniel: Tell us a little more about that.   28:55 Sarah: Yeah, so, this is actually my second book. [laughs] I wrote a book 5 years ago called, MindStrength for Women. And it was all about just loving ourselves and overcoming this idea that we’re not enough and we're not good enough, not smart enough, and all these things, right? Of course I, at that time, I did like, I’d learned a lot about myself. And so the crazy part to all that whole story was, I felt amazing and went through a physical change, emotional change, and all these other things, but I kept sex hidden up in the corner, you know? Like in this closet, you know? So when I actually brought sex in, into the light, right? Now I felt like I’d become this whole person, and then like, a wholly unique being.    29:54 Sarah: And I talk about this term called “sexy confidence” in my book, and how as women, it’s not so much about our body or anything of that nature. It’s about, how do we walk into a room, and how do we make people feel? What kind of energy are we bringing into the room? Is this a loving environment? And this is where I kinda had to do this with my husband, too. Because, when you’re in the bedroom, as women, we start to...like, if we even put on a piece of lingerie or something, we start to immediately judge our body that it’s not looking so amazing.    30:35 Sarah: And I talk about, when I’m with women and stuff, I talk about this idea of like, you know, there’s this...we as women get into serious judgement, but when we can come from learning to love ourselves from the way God sees us (because obviously that’s important), that we can be able to be at one with our husbands, even. And not focus so much on the belly fat that’s hanging out when we’re trying to get on top of him, you know? And just like, how we can emotionally connect instead of looking at our bodies and judging every nook and cranny that we don’t like, kind of thing.   31:25 Daniel: Love that.  Now, you jumped into something later on, about how women need novelty. I thought this was interesting. I believe it. I’m one who likes to shatter myths out there. But the prevailing thought is, men need novelty. Women want consistency. Tell me more about this.    31:45 Sarah: Yeah. 31:46 Daniel: I think this is fascinating. I don't think anybody else is addressing it, and I’ve read a lot of books, so tell me a little about your discovery there.   31:56 Sarah: Yeah. Well, I think [...] I do believe women, we do need novelty. We just don’t think we need it [laughs]. I don’t know if that makes sense. We do love,   32:11 Daniel: Yes   32:12 Sarah: we like change. I don’t like the same position every time, I mean, anybody else? I mean, once I actually, was the--I mean, yes, I did missionary position for years, trust me, I know. But now that I’ve educated myself and I’ve found other ways to, you know, “quote, unquote” “sized up the bedroom” I actually do thrive on change in the bedroom. It keeps the spark alive and it creates more novelty, you know? 32:43 Daniel: Well, I think that’s important,   32:45 Sarah: Yeah   32:46 Daniel: because I think a lot of men get criticized because they want something new and that’s scary for their partners, but I--   32:51 Sarah: Yeah   32:52 Daniel: You’re realizing, part of the problem is you wanted it to be changed up, you wanted it exciting, you wanted it novel. And I think that’s part of the discovery for a lot of women in discovering their desire is, “wow, I’m realizing I’m not as vanilla as I thought I was.” 33:07 Sarah: Yeah. 33:08 Daniel: “Where will this end?” Were you concerned with that? Did you feel you were gonna go into desires and passions and things that were forbidden for you? What was that experience like for you? 33:19 Sarah: Yeah. Well, of course in the beginning--because, you know, my shame was still enveloped around me in certain points where it would rise up, you know? But then I’d have to open my eyes, like, “Sarah, quit judging it again!” You know? But at the same time, I realized how we can add just more experiences that we haven’t had necessarily before, in like, the safety of our own couple relationship.   33:55 Daniel: Just going back to the concept of not judging it and allow it to flow naturally.    34:01 Sarah: Yeah.   34:02 Daniel: As Emily Nagoski says, don’t put on the brakes. Just... 34:05 Sarah: Yeah, the brakes. I love that analogy, too. Oh my gosh, shes...yeah. Don’t put on the brakes, keep the accelerator going, because, you know. Sometimes, you don’t know if you’re even going to like it. So, quit judging that you’re not going to like it before you even start it, right? And allow yourself to receive. Okay, that’s another thing. Oh my gosh. As women, we give, give, give all day long, to everybody and everything. All the time. Right? So when I was like, “Sarah, you deserve to receive. You get to receive pleasure, you get to receive these different avenues of novelty, and this is okay for you.” Like, once again, I [laughs] I’ve had to coach myself. I do thisl ike, mental inventory in my head before I have sex with my husband. Like, “Sarah, we can do this. It’s fine. This is something that we’ve talked about, we’ve had discussions about this, we feel comfortable that this is something we want to choose to do and explore, and let’s be open to that.” So, yeah. I'm really good at coaching myself now. 35:19 Daniel: Yeah, it sounds like it. Sounds like you’ve come a long way in just three years. I like the other concept you’ve shared about sex drives, desire level. The differences aren’t the problem. Share with the audience what you meant by that.   35:35 Sarah: Differences aren’t the problem. We label ourselves when we first get married [laughs]. Now, like, you know as I’ve learned, not all men are higher desire partners, okay? Right? 35:49 Daniel: Not at all, right. 35:50 Sarah: Right. And so, we are really quick to label who’s higher, who’s lower, you know? And we, there’s a …. do you want me to quote books in here? 36:05 Daniel: Absolutely! Tell your story. Yep. 36:08 Sarah: Okay. One of the books, Passion Paradox, have you heard of that book? 36:13 Daniel: Actually, no, I haven’t read nor have I heard of it.   36:16 Sarah: Okay, I’m trying to think of the author right now, but it was...it’s like, an old book. It was like....it’s old. But anyway, there’s this...he talks about this whole idea of passion. Because, sometimes like, as women, we label ourselves as lower desire, say that we are, right? And we view the partner as the higher desire. But there’s different ways of expressing and showing passion to each other. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be just like a sexual thing. Sometimes, in different seasons of our lives, we kinda ebb and flow, and you know, go from one extreme to another or something. And I think this whole idea that we put labels is unfortunate, because I chose to give myself that label for all those years, and I clung on to it. And I would just view my husband, like, “you just want sex all the time. And I’m just gonna sit here, and just kinda vent to you that I don’t wanna have it, because I’ve already labelled myself that I don’t want it.”   37:30 Daniel: As opposed to learning how to meet the needs of each other.   37:33 Sarah: Yeah, yeah. 37:34 Daniel: I think that theme is so important throughout your book. I refer to it as breaking the culture of sexual silence, and I love that you hit on it throughout the entirety of your book. Especially, I believe, in chapter 14 talking about it. Even if I don’t know a lot about it, talk about it. Talk about it. Talk about everything you know about sex, and become comfortable with it. That is so important. As you learned early on with your mom, and with other friends, you couldn’t talk about it. And that is one of the biggest desire killers and barriers to education. So, learning how to break that culture of silence around sexuality, even when you don’t know fully what you’re talking about, start to share. That’s what we do. As kids, we talk about things we don’t know, and then parents correct us. People inform us. You go into it non-judgmentally, again, another thing that you carry throughout the book. Absolutely wonderful. You want to tell us a little bit about how you...what that was like for you as you realized you’re in this process, you’re learning. What were some of the fears, hesitations, or positive experiences you had with sharing freely your knowledge?   38:45 Sarah: Ok, so, you know I’m reading all these books, right? And consuming everything that I could. And I just, I remember always just like walking out, like, in public, you know, in Target or wherever, and seeing all these women. And I”m like, “oh. If they only knew. oh if they only knew.” Right? [laughs] and there’s a point where…’cause I truly believe I’ve obviously come to a place where I--and you’ve seen this in my book--I’m a realist. Like, I really share the dark sides of me, and my hang-ups and everything, and I’m okay with it. I've come to a place where I don’t have this fear of judgement of what other people might think of me, because I’ve realized that the more I share, the more respect I get from people. And so, as I was reading all these things, and I’m going out into public and I see all these women, and I’m just wondering, “I wonder if she’s like...if she was like me.” Because I’m now, not. I don’t really...it’s hard for me, sometimes, to even take myself back, even three years ago, to where I was. Because I’m so much more happier now. But sometimes i have to take myself there so that I can be, you know, relatable, to other women, right? So, of course in our LDS culture, [laughs] I have definitely … I’ve lost friendships. I’ll be honest.   40:18 Daniel: What do you mean? I think I know what you’re talking about there, because I’ve experience the same, but share with the audience what that means. Just because you’re being passionate and open about sexuality, you lost friends? 40:28 Sarah: Yeah. 40:29 Daniel: What happened there? 40:30 Sarah: Yeah, so...just in small conversations, or I might have written like a post or something on facebook about a book that I was reading. And then it just rubs somebody the wrong way, you know? And I've actually had a few friends who’ve vocally come and told me that they don’t agree with what I’m talking about and learning about. And that’s fine. It was of course hard to hear, ‘cause it’s like a blow. It’s like this form of rejection that you don’t want to ever experience in your life. But at the same time, there was like, 30+ women behind me saying “thank you. I learned so much from you,” you know? And so, it’s just our human nature to cling-on to those one or two people that give you that negative comment, right? But it definitely propelled me to keep sharing, because I know how my life has changed because of it. And my marriage has changed because of it. And I can’t deny it.    41:43 Sarah: So as I’ve opened up about it, and talked to people within my neighborhood or community, like I just know that I am making strides with people. I actually, just yesterday, I had a friend who had finally come around. I’ve been talking to her for like, since I started reading books, and just recently she was like, “Sarah, I think I’m ready.” You know? And you just have to kinda wait for those people to come around, and they will, eventually. And they’ll realize just how powerful this can be, when they can open and be more curious to see what their life can be like if they chose to look at it with a different perspective.    42:34 Daniel: Absolutely.   42:35 Sarah: So yeah. 42:35 Daniel: In other words, you’re not pushing your narrative. 42:36 Sarah: No.   42:38 Daniel: People know what you know.   42:38 Sarah: No, yeah. 42:40 Daniel: Because, you’re open about it. And you’re waiting for them to come and seek you out. 42:43 Sarah: Yeah. 42:44 Daniel: That’s excellent. 42:45 Sarah: Exactly. yeah, just kinda wait for them and whenever they’re ready, I’ll be there with open arms to teach them and to guide them through their own experience. The crazy part is [laughs] I have no desire to be a sex therapist like yourself, or you know, go and be a professor or anything of that nature. I just love learning about it. I feel like, I don’t know, I guess people can kind of resonate more with a girl off the street I guess first, and then I can guide them to therapists or whoever else they need help with, right? Because I obviously don’t have all the tools, but I’m their starting point, you know? And that’s what I love about me being open about it, is that I can be their starting point and then they can move from there to seek more professional help if they need it, you know? 43:41 Daniel: Absolutely. What a wonderful theme that you’ve carried out through the book. I think it’s been wonderfully done, I think you’ve communicated well. Are there...as we wrap up here, is there anything else about the book or your experiences that you feel is important for the audience to know about you, and your journey, or maybe possibly the journey that they’re going through? 44:02 Sarah: Oh yeah, I mean, as you [...] just, the book, in and of itself, it just breaks down so many things. You know, out there in our audience, you  might have someone who feels like they are broken, right? Or, they feel like, that there’s no hope in their marriage. We didn’t even touch on porn, that’s a whole-nother enchilada in and of itself…   44:28 Daniel: So, I… hold off on that, because I--   44:31 Sarah: [laughs]   44:31 Daniel: I love that you refer to porn the way you did in your book, as a compulsion, as a temptation, as a potential device in a marriage or [pauses] divisiveness in a marriage.    44:45 Sarah: Yeah.   44:46 Daniel: And I love the language that you used in there, and I would be interested in exploring that a little more, if you’d like. Do you want to tell us a little bit more about it, and why you included it? 44:56 Sarah: Yeah. Well, obviously from personal experience, it was not me, it was my husband’s, right? I think it’s just, he actually, it was the [....]  I remember the day, and I’m sure a lot of men and women here can remember the day that their spouse came to them with this news, right? Or they found out in some other way, right? That’ll be a day that you won’t ever forget.    45:24 Sarah: But, that day, he came and approached me, and it was during this time that I had finished writing my first book. And I was, like I said before, I was in a really good place, and just felt pretty good about life because I was working on myself. And I think that’s what’s key here, in this chapter particularly, is, whether man or woman, right? Really focus on, what are you doing in the relationship? What can you do to better yourself, to become a better version of yourself? And that’s kinda where i was at that point, luckily.    46:01 Sarah: And that’s when Trent felt comfortable to actually approach me and tell me about his porn addiction. Because, you know, he had these fears that I would leave him and all these things, right? Like everybody might have. And he came, and he told me, and it was just this, you know, gut-wrenching kind of feeling. And the first question that came into my mind, “what’s wrong with me? Why does he feel like he has to do this? I can’t believe he’s done this. He’s this amazing man, how did porn get a hold of him?” Kind of thing. And so, back then, I was doing a lot of video journaling, and so after he told me, I just was like, “kay, just hold on a second, I need to go into my closet and kinda think about this.”    46:48 Sarah: So, I went to my closet and for ten minutes I just kind of, just like, talked to myself. Like, just basically went through, in my head, what I’d just heard. And, it’s interesting, I still have this video and I treasure it, but...so you’ll notice (well, you won’t notice, because you’re not watching it), but in the first five minutes, I’m just like, processing, like, “why him? Why me?” Everything right? This pity party. And then, the last five minutes, I just kinda make this shift. It was God telling me, “Sarah, he’s a son of God.” And that’s all I heard. That’s all I heard, and I knew that I needed to walk with him in this journey.    47:34 Sarah: I was not to fix him, because I can’t fix him, right? But I can walk with him to, you know, figure out how to help him navigate, you know, and how to get the help that he needed kind of stuff. And so, that was [...] once again, it’s a simple thing, but that was the one thing that really carried me through that experience. Just recognizing that he’s a son of God and together we can work through the porn addiction, and we can come out on top. And we definitely have. And it’s been an incredible experience. But there’s definitely been pain. It hasn’t been easy. But, there’s definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.   48:22 Daniel: A lot of people are listening, saying, “okay, yeah, you just shared he just dumped this big thing on you.” And if I remember right, you even equate pornography to adultery, or cheating, on the relationship, am I remembering correctly? 48:39 Sarah: Yeah. 48:39 Daniel: That’s a very big view to have. One that, generally, is very divisive in a relationship. And you also refer to it as an addiction. And if anybody’s been in my group, they know how sensitive I am about that terminology.    48:54 Sarah: Yeah.   48:54 Daniel: You actually went and learned a lot from Cameron Staley, 48:58: Oh, man. 48:59 Daniel: about mindfulness, which is not an addiction approach, it’s a very mindful approach. 49:03Sarah: Yeah. 49:03 Daniel: Which is very much in harmony with the theme of your book: non-judgemental, non-rigid around these things but being more mindful and self-aware. 49:15 Sarah: Self-awareness is huge, yeah. 49:17 Daniel: And I think that led you to this [...] because usually, the concepts of addiction don’t lead you into the direction that you’re talking about, in fact, it leads you in a very opposite direction. But I love that mindfulness, and fortunately, meeting up with Cameron, or whatever you learned from him, it led you to this idea.   49:34 Sarah: Yeah. 49:35 Daniel: One of the concepts that you shared there was, and I’m gonna put it in my terminology: “I don’t view sex as a punishment or reward, I view it as communcation.” And you talk about there, “yes, it’s not your fault, and you as the wife, you’re not responsible for his behavior. However, why are you punishing him by not giving him sex? Is that your because of your insecurity?” I realize I’m butchering your words, I’m putting in mine.   49:59 Sarah: Yeah. 50:00 Daniel: And correct me if I’m misrepresenting your train of thought there. But, you're saying, “embrace them. Don’t withhold sex because of mabye, your insecurities.”   50:09 Sarah: Yep, that’s the worst thing you could do, is to withhold it.   50:10 Daniel: Absolutely, absolutely. Although, giving them sex, you shouldn’t have this expecation: now, he’s gonna be safe, you know? In fact, I think you pointed that out, if I remember right. 50:20 Sarah: Yes, I did. 50:21 Daniel: You said somethinglike, “okay, I’m gonna give him all”--because some women do that--”I’m gonna give him all the sex he needs so he avoids it.”   50:26 Sarah: Then he won’t even go look, yeah.   50:27 Daniel: And that’s a reward or punishment approach, as opposed to communication and connecting.   50:33 Sarah: Yes. 50:33 Daniel: And so, ironically, taking that other approach of withholding or giving too much, is very much objectification, and divisive in the relationship. It’s not connected. And so I love that you embrace that idea, of “it’s not my responsibility, but I’m not going to miss this opportunity to connect with my partner. Because I view porn in this context”--whatever it is-- “I’m not going to let that get in my way of connecting with my partner.” I thought that was beautiful.   51:02 Sarah: Yeah, just finding that middle ground. I mean, I remember coming home and asking anything I could about porn. Because, I had no idea what that world was like. None. And so, it blew my mind to see, like, wow. I really don’t know anything! But at the same time, like, let’s come together and have conversations to see, like, how we can navigate this new normal. Come to a middle ground to connect. I mean, we uh, this could be a whole-nother podcast. That definitely, that experience...I mean, it didn’t take me on my sex journey, because I found out about this, probably like 5 years ago.    51:51 Daniel: You mean, his use of porn? 51:54 Sarah: Yes, his use of porn. And so, there were still a couple years in between there where I was just trying to like, you know, I’d have [...] our communication was better, it wasn’t the best as it is now, but we were definitely communicating. And I wasn't that one that was like, you know, denying him and like, that kind of thing. Because, I was kind of understanding how, you know, I needed to create this middle ground to see how we can evolve into something better. And so then, when I finally accepted like, “okay, I need to work on my sexuality,” then that took us to a whole-nother level. And he’s been amazing and [pauses], yeah. He doesn’t have those compulsions anymore and even if he does, he comes and talks to me about it, you know? And so, we’ve created a very healthy relationship in regards to porn.    52:52 Daniel: Sarah, that is wonderful. I would actually really love having you on again, at a future time, to talk about that.    52:58 Sarah: Yeah. 53:00 Daniel: Again, the book is Underneath it All...You’re Naked. Wonderful theme throughout the book. I think you did an amazing job with it, and I think the audience would really benefit from it. Thank you so much for coming on.   53:11 Sarah: Thank you. Aw, yeah, it’s been a pleasure. I appreciate you letting me have an opportunity to share my story. 53:18 Daniel: Thank you.   53:18 Sarah: It’s always something I like to talk about [laughs].   53:20 Daniel: Oh, clearly, 53:21 Sarah: It changed my life. Like, literally changed my life.   53:24 Daniel: Yeah. Your journey has been--   53:25 Sarah: Saved me. 53:26 Daniel: amazing. Thank you so much, Sarah. 53:28 Sarah: You’re welcome. [music]  

Moritz Seibert returns to the show today to discuss the challenges of managing large amounts of cash in a high-inflationary environment, the importance of maintaining a healthy attitude during long winning-streaks, the resurgence & resilience of the GameStop short-squeeze, Bitcoin reaching $60,000, the importance of prioritising process over outcome, the new VIX ETFs for Bitcoin & Ethereum, and whether or not Gold is a safe long-term investment. If you would like to leave us a voicemail to play on the show, you can do so here. Check out our Global Macro series here. Learn more about the Trend Barometer here. IT's TRUE

Moritz Seibert returns to the show today to discuss the challenges of managing large amounts of cash in a high-inflationary environment, the importance of maintaining a healthy attitude during long winning-streaks, the resurgence & resilience of the GameStop short-squeeze, Bitcoin reaching $60,000, the importance of prioritising process over outcome, the new VIX ETFs for Bitcoin & Ethereum, and whether or not Gold is a safe long-term investment. In this episode, we discuss: Smart ways to manage cash during periods of high inflation Staying humble during long winning periods The GameStop short-squeeze New volatility-based ETFs for Cryptocurrencies Why analysing the outcome instead of the process may prove costly in the long run Can we still call Gold a 'safe-haven' asset? Follow Niels on https://twitter.com/toptraderslive (Twitter), https://www.linkedin.com/in/nielskaastruplarsen (LinkedIn), https://www.youtube.com/user/toptraderslive (YouTube) or via the https://www.toptradersunplugged.com/ (TTU website). Follow Moritz on https://twitter.com/moritzseibert (Twitter). IT's TRUE

Daniel Hopsicker (investigative reporter and filmmaker) and publisher Kris Millegan discuss Daniel’s upcoming book (“Gangster Planet”) and drugs all over the world.Kris: The secret societies and whatnot don’t have the power they once had. The work by people like you, and the internet, have made the secret societies not so secret anymore.Daniel: Steve Bannon in FIRE AND FURY had most cogent explanation of Russiagate, because he was directly involved. Bannon told Michael Wolff, “This leads right to money-laundering. Right to the Russians.” Right to Bannon himself and Donald Trump!Kris: Donald was a criminal who didn’t think he was going to win. He was easy for the Russians to use. On January 6th, they had useful idiots there to do that, but you had military teams running inside the Capitol.Daniel: When you read, “This cartel’s up, this cartel’s down,” it’s all hooey. There’s only one cartel.Kris: Like my daddy told me, Vietnam War is about drugs – there’s these secret societies behind it all, and communism’s all a sham, it’s all a big game. And when you look at the Kennedy assassination and the low men on the totem pole are Johnson and Hoover, if you’re at the top, they’re so blackmailable, they’re in your pocket.Daniel: Some hominids have figured out, controlling the drug trade makes you a lot of money. Will that be different a thousand years from now? This is the biggest slush fund the world has ever seen. Everybody does drugs.Kris: When they’re illegal, the control is in the shadows. When they’re legal, we have a much better world. This business is hidden in plain sight. And it’s so huge.Daniel: How do you hide a $350 billion dollar a year industry from a government that can read the make of your golf ball from outer space? In every country on this planet (generalizing, a little) with a significant drug market, locally, the people that control that market are the same people that control the country. The deep state goes back to Turkey, where a general, a drug trafficker, and the head of a party got busted – on the same road Alexander the Great walked on his way south, the highway that’s been there for thousands of years. More and more states and municipalities are using verifiable paper ballots. Instead of 25 percent democracy we’re up to forty, forty-five percent.

Pastor Daniel Simmons – Daniel 2:1-30 Worship the Revealer of Mysteries Daniel 2:1-30 Exegetical Main Point: Yahweh reveals Nebuchadnezzar’s dream through Daniel, showing that the wisdom of Babylon is futile, while true wisdom comes from him. Main Point of the Sermon: The world’s wisdom will fail you, but the true Source of wisdom is worthy of your trust and worship. Introduction It seems like almost daily as I read the Bible that I am reminded of ways that my thinking is more aligned with the world than with God. There is an allure to the counterfeit kingdom of the world. We’re drawn to what seems reasonable and right about the world’s ways and message. Yet every counterfeit message is an attempt to remove God from his throne. The story of the Bible is the story of that God revealing himself to a world straying from him and worshipping false gods in every form. The book of Daniel is one such account in history where God shows not only his people, but all the peoples of the world, that He cannot be replaced. So, we need this book today though it was written thousands of years ago. We’ll see that the world’s wisdom fails, but the true Source of wisdom is worthy of your trust and worship. GOD: Context We learned last week in chapter 1 that God is sovereign over all things. God gave… God gave Israel over to judgment. Even so, God gave his people favor and compassion, especially through a few young exiles. God gave Daniel and his comrades wisdom beyond the best of the best in the kingdom. These men were faithful. They were in Babylon but not of Babylon. Chapter 1 sets us up for this next chapter as we watch these highly favored and high ranking officials in a hostile kingdom keep worshipping and trusting the true God. Text: The Failure of Pagan Religion 2 In the second year of the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, Nebuchadnezzar had dreams; his spirit was troubled, and his sleep left him. This event happened in the second year of the King’s reign, which may mean this happened while Daniel and his teenage friends were still training. This is actually an important Bible study tip. A lot of times we assume that one story always leads to the next linearly, but that’s not always true. This narrative seems to go backward. The King had dreams that left the most powerful man in the world quivering in his pajamas. Dreams and visions are found throughout the Bible and are common in this book. We find in Scripture that God often speaks to people through dreams – sometimes about something he’s doing or will do in the future, sometimes as a warning, or sometimes to encourage them. He seems to use dreams to show what is real and true in the world and things we couldn’t know without him showing us. The same is true today. God is still using dreams and visions to speak to people, like the many Muslims around the world who report having visions of a man in white named Jesus, calling them to follow him. In addition to God speaking through dreams, we see people in the Bible and in history sometimes tormented by Satan through dreams and visions (Job 4:12-16). …And sometimes your dreams are simply influenced by the pizza you ate. Dreams are not authoritative words from God like Scripture is, but they can be one way God communicates with us. If God leaves an unusually strong impression on you that the dream is from him, consider and pray about what he might be saying. God was, in fact, speaking to the proud mind of King Nebuchadnezzar in dreams and he was terrified of what it meant for him. History shows that he was faced with the constant threat of surrounding forces who threatened his kingdom. Nebuchadnezzar likely knew that this dream was about him and his kingdom, and it made him paranoid. Fear, Helplessness, and Brutality But fear is not all that these opening verses show us about Nebuchadnezzar and the Kingdom of Babylon. We see also the helplessness of the wise men and the brutality of the kingdom. Like the Wizard of Oz, behind the power, glitz, and glamour of great Babylon, was truly a puny and powerless kingdom trying to compensate with all the force it could muster. Verse 2: 2 Then the king commanded that the magicians, the enchanters, the sorcerers, and the Chaldeans be summoned to tell the king his dreams. It’s helpful to see the roles of these groups of people because it gives you a glimpse of the philosophy Daniel and the Israelites were steeped in. One Daniel scholar helpfully identified these groups: “[Magicians] signifies Egyptian wise men able to interpret dreams (Lucas 2002:69); [enchanters] refers to individuals able to discern illness and to suggest a cure or perform an exorcism (Lucas 2002:69); [sorcerers] may indicate persons able to cast spells against an enemy (Yamauchi and Wilson 2016:206–207); and [the Chaldeans] represents the ancient leadership group of wise men in Babylon.”[1] The king had the most educated and powerful pagan religious team at his disposal, someone who specialized in any problem he and his kingdom might face. These were the finest of Babylon representing the Chaldean gods who made their living dealing with the supernatural unseen world. As I mentioned before, Satan has set up counterfeits to God and his Kingdom. In place of the true God has been set up false gods and idols, in the place of God’s prophets, he set up false prophets, in the place of the signs and wonders performed by the Holy Spirit, he has performed false signs and wonders. In place of gifts of the Holy Spirit given to God’s people, Satan has empowered people in submission to his kingdom with powerful gifts. And that is exactly what these men were. They were counterfeits who had behind them the power of Satan and his fellow fallen angels. So don’t be alarmed if you hear stories or see power on display in the world. These vocations are unusual in our day, except for perhaps behind some closed doors, but they are still commonplace in other parts of the world. (We believe at All Peoples Church that God still works in supernatural ways, but signs are not and will never be the focus of our ministry because their purpose has always been, to point you to the King who has the Kingdom’s power, Jesus!) So they came in and stood before the king. 3 And the king said to them, “I had a dream, and my spirit is troubled to know the dream.” 4 Then the Chaldeans said to the king in Aramaic, “O king, live forever! Tell your servants the dream, and we will show the interpretation.” And with all respect they respond as they would always respond. Tell us the dream and we will show you the interpretation. Verse 5: 5 The king answered and said to the Chaldeans, “The word from me is firm: if you do not make known to me the dream and its interpretation, you shall be torn limb from limb, and your houses shall be laid in ruins. 6 But if you show the dream and its interpretation, you shall receive from me gifts and rewards and great honor. Therefore show me the dream and its interpretation.” Unexpectedly, the king requests not only the interpretation but also the dream itself, and reminds them that the stakes are high. Either they are chopped to pieces or they honored greatly. You can almost hear the trepidation in their second response. Verse 7. 7 They answered a second time and said, “Let the king tell his servants the dream, and we will show its interpretation.” 8 The king answered and said, “I know with certainty that you are trying to gain time, because you see that the word from me is firm— 9 if you do not make the dream known to me, there is but one sentence for you. You have agreed to speak lying and corrupt words before me till the times change. Therefore tell me the dream, and I shall know that you can show me its interpretation.” Nebuchadnezzar is speaking the truth. He knows that they are trying to buy time and considers that one of two things is happening. Either his wise men have no power at all to discern true mysteries, or they are conniving against him because they know something he doesn’t. This phrase “till the times change” denote the transfer of power or his demise. This dream was too real and threatening for him to allow for some tailor made answer or potion.[2] Verse 10: 10 The Chaldeans answered the king and said, “There is not a man on earth who can meet the king’s demand, for no great and powerful king has asked such a thing of any magician or enchanter or Chaldean. 11 The thing that the king asks is difficult, and no one can show it to the king except the gods, whose dwelling is not with flesh.” In their response we find a second characteristic of this counterfeit kingdom, helplessness. They are confident in their magic until the unspeakable is asked of them. No one in their history books had such a request made to them and they answer correctly, exposing their true weakness. There is not a man on earth who can do this…only the gods. Even the enchanters know their limits. They confess and understand how their own man-made religion fails. They need a word from outside, from the gods. Though these men spoke from their pagan perspective, they speak a true theological point. There is wisdom and knowledge that only God contains. The same truth applies today. You may have all the money in the world and all of the brightest at your disposal, but every man knows there are limits to what we can know and do. All the money, medicine, and masters degrees in the world cannot ultimately spell out our futures or keep anyone from death. God possesses knowledge that men can’t attain. Mankind can do great things, but without God there is a helplessness, a futility to all our efforts. The Chaldeans felt it. Pagan religion fails. Worldly wisdom fails. Verse 12: 12 Because of this the king was angry and very furious, and commanded that all the wise men of Babylon be destroyed. 13 So the decree went out, and the wise men were about to be killed; and they sought Daniel and his companions, to kill them. Because of their failure, the king was furious, and saw the wise men as worthless. So he commanded that all of them would be killed, which included Daniel and his friends. And here we see a third characteristic of Babylon. Behind the curtain of the pompous kingdom is brutality in a narcissist king ready to slaughter anyone who threatens his power or slows him down. I’m reminded, then, of how silly it is for me to lack boldness for Christ in this modern day Babylon. Often times I lack boldness because I fear people. But the reality is, even when you think you are safe, fitting into the world so well, you really aren’t. Wouldn’t you rather suffer, then, for a little while for being faithful and gain eternal life, thanpotentially be comfortable for a few years and then face God’s wrath, which is a far more lasting judgment. Daniel seemed to understand this well and his bold answer shows it. Verse 14: 14 Then Daniel replied with prudence and discretion to Arioch, the captain of the king’s guard, who had gone out to kill the wise men of Babylon. 15 He declared to Arioch, the king’s captain, “Why is the decree of the king so urgent?” Then Arioch made the matter known to Daniel. 16 And Daniel went in and requested the king to appoint him a time, that he might show the interpretation to the king. Daniel didn’t panic like the others, but we are told, replied “prudently” and with “discretion”. Fear doesn’t seem to grip Daniel in the way it did the others. Young bold Daniel not only went to his executioner to question him, he asked the king himself to give him a chance to show the king the interpretation to the king. Something gave Daniel confidence to make such a request. Let’s see what it is in verse 17. 17 Then Daniel went to his house and made the matter known to Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, his companions, 18 and told them to seek mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that Daniel and his companions might not be destroyed with the rest of the wise men of Babylon. Daniel believed God would come through, enough that he put his neck on the line for all the wise men. This is faith. Daniel put his trust not in his learning, his own power, or any other thing but the mercy of God, and he came with a wise plan to interpret the dream. What was the plan? A prayer meeting with some friends. Wait, Daniel, your life and the lives of countless others were on the line and you called a prayer meeting!? Wait, church, the lives of countless souls are on the line today in Minneapolis, and you’re gathering with others to pray for more laborers, for wisdom, for direction from God for the mission? Yes! That’s exactly what we’re doing in our MC’s and DNA’s and here on Sundays and must do all the more. Faithful living in Babylon cannot be done without prayer. Prayer is our connection to the General in the midst of the war. Why do we think we can win the war disconnected from the command center? Without it we are just as helpless as the nervous wise men before the king. Secondly, faithful living in Babylon is deadly without community. Daniel was not a man in isolation. He had a group of friends who knew him and the struggles he faced. So, Daniel did what he probably always did, he brought the crisis before his friends so that they would seek God with him. What do you do when crisis hits? This is why we have Missional Community and DNA groups so that when hard things come you do what you always do and pray with people who love and support you. Verse 19 simply says, 19 Then the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision of the night. I love the simplicity of this sentence. They prayed… and, you know, the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision in the night. No big whoop. God answers prayer. He does! He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever. When his people come to him in dependence, he meets them with help. Not because we multiply our words, or because of our tears, or because of any other sort of séance or religious show, but simply because he loves us. He loves when we ask him. He is tender and compassionate like a Father to his children. This is our God! Worship the God who reveals mysteries Then Daniel blessed the God of heaven. In response to God’s intervention Daniel did what all of us should be doing right now, he worshipped. Instead of neatly continuing in the story where it picks up in 24, the author pauses to record Daniel’s praises in verses 20-23. This story is beckoning us to praise Daniel’s God exclusively. “Blessing” or “praising” God is nothing more than declaring what is true about him. It is taking the time to delight in his many praiseworthy attributes. It is giving God credit and thanksgiving for who he is and what he has done. That’s what Daniel does. 20 Daniel answered and said: “Blessed be the name of God forever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might. Who he is: The name of God refers to his character revealed. His name sums up what he is like. To God belongs “wisdom and might.” In other words, he defines wisdom; he defines power. Fittingly wisdom is mentioned next to power, showing that God not only has all wisdom, but has power to enact what he knows and wills. What he has done: Wisely and powerfully… 21 [God] changes times and seasons; God is sovereign, or in control over time and seasons. In the same way that he is sovereign over seasons he wisely and powerfully …removes kings and sets up kings; God is sovereign over all those who are in control; he places whom he will in office and removes whom he will when he wills. Some seasons cause us to worry. God why are you letting your church face such persecution? Why did she have to die? Why are you letting our political system move in this direction? Why am I still single? Why don’t I have a job yet? Daniel probably felt this tension. But these truths about God remind us of his goodness and wisdom in ALL that we are currently experiencing, in both the big things and the more mundane. His plans are purposeful and wise. There is no power or wisdom greater who can thwart his plans for you or for his people. This is why we worship this God exclusively. Further, Daniel praises because [God] gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding; 22 he reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with him. 23 To you, O God of my fathers, I give thanks and praise, Daniel closes his prayer of praise by addressing the God of his fathers, that is, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, because God has always been faithful to his people through the generations. The same is true for you today in whatever you face. for you have given me wisdom and might, and have now made known to me what we asked of you, for you have made known to us the king’s matter.” Notice how Daniel’s prayer turns from third person pronouns to personal intimate prayer to God, “you have given me” Daniel knows this God personally and God knows him. Finally, Daniel recognizes that the wisdom and might that he has is all grace! It’s all from God! Man! I want to praise God like that when he answers prayer. We are brought back to the story in verse 24: Paraphrase? 24 Therefore Daniel went in to Arioch, whom the king had appointed to destroy the wise men of Babylon. He went and said thus to him: “Do not destroy the wise men of Babylon; bring me in before the king, and I will show the king the interpretation.” 25 Then Arioch brought in Daniel before the king in haste and said thus to him: “I have found among the exiles from Judah a man who will make known to the king the interpretation.” 26 The king declared to Daniel, whose name was Belteshazzar, “Are you able to make known to me the dream that I have seen and its interpretation?” 27 Daniel answered the king and said, “No wise men, enchanters, magicians, or astrologers [or star-readers - This is Daniel’s addition to the Chaldean’s list] can show to the king the mystery that the king has asked, 28 but there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries, and he has made known to King Nebuchadnezzar what will be in the latter days. Arioch comes in the spirit of Babylon and boasts “I have found a man…” who can make know your dream. But Daniel comes humbly and answers the king, no man, not even I, can show you this mystery. BUT there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries… (!) Boom. Can you imagine the suspense and silence while everyone waited for Daniel’s response. And in front of the peoples of the earth, he confesses, not me, but my God is able. Your dream and the visions of your head as you lay in bed are these: 29 To you, O king, as you lay in bed came thoughts of what would be after this, and he who reveals mysteries made known to you what is to be.30 But as for me, this mystery has been revealed to me, not because of any wisdom that I have more than all the living, but in order that the interpretation may be made known to the king, and that you may know the thoughts of your mind. Daniel again gives glory to Yahweh! This reiteration is like a constant song, saying, “Worship the true Revealer of mysteries, the God of heaven!” The main call of this text is that we would worship and trust the true God and Lord of the universe. YOU Worship and trust this God I want to call you to worship and trust this God. Worship: Babylon’s wisdom, the world’s wisdom, can be extremely attractive. It can seem wise. The message of tolerance, the message of comfort and pleasure-seeking, of money, sex, power, is extremely alluring. The king turning to these wise men represents listening to the world’s interpretation of reality. Daniel, on the other hand, sought God for reality and truth. What’s an area of your life that you are tempted to live more according to the Spirit and message of Babylon than God’s? Who has your ear? It’s not wrong to learn from the world, but it is wrong if someone or something has a stronger voice, a more important place in your heart, than God. And I need you to know that the world is vying for your attention and worship. But Scripture shows that it all comes up short. Every pagan religion. Every worldly philosophy. No university or guru, politician or philosopher is truly wise unless they know the God who knows the future and has power to fulfill what he has planned. The book of Daniel shows us clearly who rules and reigns over all. Over and over Daniel will put himself in the face of danger against all worldly wisdom because he trusts in God. Maybe that’s scary for you as I’m sure it was for him. Trusting God doesn’t mean that you’ll always be sure of yourself or see clearly as you take the next step. No, but it means you are sure of your God because he knows the future. One Daniel scholar helped me here, he writes, “You can walk into the future with a God like that—who shows you that history is going toward his unshakable kingdom and who assures you that even though you have many personal uncertainties you follow a God who knows what is in the darkness. So you can keep going with hope and without fear.” (Message of Daniel) How could we possibly be bound by fear in anything we do with a God like this. Step out in faith this year and watch your God work as you stand faithfully in this kingdom of Babylon. Do you know Daniel’s God? I said at the beginning that this book is a story of God who reveals himself to a straying mankind. The climax of that story is that this unseen God, who is the revealer of mysteries, revealed himself by taking on human flesh in his Son, Jesus. He came so that you could know him today and find hope in him. He came for sinners who rejected him and replaced him with man-made gods and man-made wisdom, and he died in our place. He was torn from limb to limb so that you, like the Babylonian wise men, would have to be, his blood would shed so yours wouldn’t have to be. God is not a narcissistic monarch who clings to power and destroys those who won’t serve him how he likes, but One who gave his only Son that we might know him and reign with him forever. Jesus is the wisdom and power of God (1 Cor. 1:24). All the fullness of God is found in him (Col 2:8-10). If you want to know God, follow Jesus! Turn from your sin and follow him. Next week Ross will unpack the interpretation of the dream, and see how all things are culminating in Jesus and the spread of his kingdom on earth. WE Church, like Daniel, we have a message to proclaim to the world. The world doesn’t know where history is headed. It is clouded in darkness and the chance of it all leads many to desperation. But we’ve been placed in a specific place and time to make known God’s mystery to the world. We can be bold like Daniel because King Jesus has already died in our place and risen again, and even if we die, we will live with him. [1] Paul R. House, Daniel: An Introduction and Commentary, ed. David G. Firth, vol. 23, Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries (London: Inter-Varsity Press, 2018), 59–69. [2] Ibd.

What is the biggest threat to independent journalism both in Canada and internationally? We discuss this question and more with the executive director and spokesperson for the watchdog group, FRIENDS of Canadian Broadcasting, Daniel Bernhard. FRIENDS conducts leading-edge policy and opinion research on issues affecting Canadian media and related issues. This research demonstrates that millions of citizens care deeply about the future of Canadian media, journalism, and programming. Unfortunately, as social media continues to dominate how Canadians access news, independent journalism is threatened. In this episode, we ask Daniel:How are data and journalism being weaponized by bad actors? Why isn't social media doing more to fact check the news? Should we rely on governments to “fix” social media?We answer these questions and more on the best Decentralists episode yet!

Daniel Berrio Galan is a practicing GP in Somerset in the West Country, Husband and Father of Three, and Mindful Self Compassion Advocate at Second Mountain Coaching. His Wife was diagnosed with an inoperable Brain Tumour which turned his families life upside down. In this moving conversation I discuss with Daniel: How he found out about his Wife's diagnosis and how his third child had to be induced early. The range of emotions he experienced in the aftermath and the tools he has used to find self compassion throughout  Why he had to challenge a number of beliefs and ideals about what truly mattered to him The manner in which he approached the medical side of things given his expertise and knowledge in the area We also talk about Mindful Self Compassion, the part it now plays in Daniels life and the way in which Men want to self isolate an fix. **To grab a FREE copy of my new e-book The V.A.M Blueprint https://www.guildofdads.com/vam/ (click here)** Get involved and find out more To get involved with the conversation on social media we are on https://www.facebook.com/guildofdads/?modal=admin_todo_tour (Facebook), https://www.instagram.com/guildofdads/ (Instagram) & https://twitter.com/guildofdads (Twitter) If you want to join the Guild of Dads you can do so via our https://www.facebook.com/pg/guildofdads/groups/ (Facebook Group) Episode show notes can be found on our https://guildofdads.com/ (website) If you like what we are doing, leave a rating and review https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/guild-of-dads-vision-action-meaning/id1489225209 (here)

Today, we discuss the Federal Reserve’s current inflation targets, whether it is ok for systematic managers to turn off their systems during periods of high volatility & uncertainty, the looming questions around Ray Dalio & Bridgewater’s underwhelming performance in 2020, volatility control vs risk control, and why liquidity should be an important deciding factor for investors when choosing a money manager.  Questions we answer this week include: How do you size your positions once maximum portfolio risk is reached?  Do have you have any tips on how to perform volatility-control? If you would like to leave us a voicemail to play on the show, you can do so here. Check out our Global Macro series here. Learn more about the Trend Barometer here. IT's TRUE - most CIO's read 50+ books each year - get your copy of the Ultimate Guide to the Best Investment Books ever written here. And you can get a free copy of my latest book "The Many Flavors of Trend Following" here. Send your questions to info@toptradersunplugged.com Follow Niels & Moritz on Twitter: @TopTradersLive & @MoritzSeibert And please share this episode with a like-minded friend and leave an honest rating & review on iTunes so more people can discover the podcast. Episode Summary 0:00 - Intro 2:30 - Macro recap from Niels 04:36 - Weekly review of returns 31:24 - Q1; Daniel: How do you size new positions once your intended maximum portfolio risk is reached? 39:17 - Q2; Dave: Do you have any pointers on how effectively perform volatility targeting? 55:30 - Performance recap Subscribe on:

更多英语知识，请关注微信公众号: VOA英语每日一听 Hana: So, how much do you sleep?Daniel: Well I think I sleep a lot, usually at least 8 hours I think that's, that's usual for me. How about you?Hana: Oh really, about 6 hours I guess if I have 6 hours that's enough.Daniel: 6 hours, is that enough?Hana: Yes and normally because I sleep late and I have to get up early so 6 hours is enough for me.Daniel: Wow if I sleep 6 hours I would definitely take a nap after lunch. Do you take naps?Hana: Well it depends. If I don't have any class I would sleep but normally I don't.Daniel: Wow, how about the weekends do you also sleep like 6 hours?Hana: No I sleep a lot on Saturdays because I normally didn't have anything to do so I will recharge my batteries and just sleep all morning.Daniel: How about Sundays?Hana: On Sundays, I normally get up early and do something and spend my Sundays with my friend or go out. How about you?Daniel: Well, the bad thing is on Saturdays and Sundays I still get up quite early so I don't get to sleep more than the week but since I still, you know, sleep 8 hours every day so I think that's enough and if I'm tired from the week I think I can still take a nap and I will, you know, fix it, so yeah, I think I sleep a lot like more than a lot of people.Hana: That's good.Daniel: Yeah, it is.

更多英语知识，请关注微信公众号: VOA英语每日一听 Hana: So, how much do you sleep?Daniel: Well I think I sleep a lot, usually at least 8 hours I think that's, that's usual for me. How about you?Hana: Oh really, about 6 hours I guess if I have 6 hours that's enough.Daniel: 6 hours, is that enough?Hana: Yes and normally because I sleep late and I have to get up early so 6 hours is enough for me.Daniel: Wow if I sleep 6 hours I would definitely take a nap after lunch. Do you take naps?Hana: Well it depends. If I don't have any class I would sleep but normally I don't.Daniel: Wow, how about the weekends do you also sleep like 6 hours?Hana: No I sleep a lot on Saturdays because I normally didn't have anything to do so I will recharge my batteries and just sleep all morning.Daniel: How about Sundays?Hana: On Sundays, I normally get up early and do something and spend my Sundays with my friend or go out. How about you?Daniel: Well, the bad thing is on Saturdays and Sundays I still get up quite early so I don't get to sleep more than the week but since I still, you know, sleep 8 hours every day so I think that's enough and if I'm tired from the week I think I can still take a nap and I will, you know, fix it, so yeah, I think I sleep a lot like more than a lot of people.Hana: That's good.Daniel: Yeah, it is.

更多英语知识，请关注微信公众号: VOA英语每日一听 Daniel: Hey, Vella. Well we're talking about things, big things you want to achieve in your life, so how about you? What do want to do?Vella: Well, one of my biggest dreams is to become an actress.Daniel: Uh-uh.Vella: Because I really love acting and, you know, it would be fun to act in a movie and to play, you know, as a different character than who you really are.Daniel: Uh-uh. What kind of movies especially, do you have any preferences?Vella: I would love to try all characters. You know, maybe play in a horror movie or comedy or romance, anything.Daniel: Where do you want to do this? Back in Indonesia, in the States?Vella: Well, I would love to become a Hollywood actress, but it might be too impossible so I would just try in Indonesia first, and maybe if I can go international, then that would be amazing.Daniel: OK, good. Do you have any, like do you want to do it within ten years or something?Vella: Well, since I'm graduating pretty soon, I would love to try, you know, as soon as I get back to Indonesia.Daniel: Uh-uh.Vella: And, you know, start trying to go to agencies.Daniel: Is there any other dream that you want to achieve?Vella: This might sound silly, but I love Ricky Martin.Daniel: Uh-uh.Vella: And, you know, I really want to have the chance to meet him and maybe dance with him.Daniel: OK.Vella: Because he's Latino and I'm really into Latin culture, and I know that dancing is really, you know, a big part of the culture.Daniel: Oh, yeah, it is.Vella: And it will be really amazing if I could just dance, you know, with Ricky Martin.Daniel: He's a really good dancer.Vella: And maybe I could be in his music video.Daniel: That would be nice. That would be really, really nice.Vella: And the last thing is probably get married and start my own family.Daniel: Uh-uh. How is that going? Do you have any plans? Do you have a boyfriend, like do you have any...?Vella: Well, I'm in a relationship right now, so hopefully that goes well.Daniel: Oh, good. So you want to start a family right?Vella: Yes.Daniel: How many children would you like to have?Vella: Two to three, maximum three.Daniel: Two to three, OK.Vella: I would love to have twins.Daniel: Wow, why?Vella: A girl and a boy so ....Daniel: Why?Vella: I don't know.Daniel: Oh, it sounds, it sounds really fun.Vella: Because no one in my family, you know, has twins, so I think it would be cool to be the first one to have twins.Daniel: But at the same time, it seems to me to be quite hard to raise like twins because everything comes double, you know.Vella: It's the same thing as having like two or three children, you know, you just get them at the same time.Daniel: That's why it's even harder because you have, I don't know, double expenses, double everything.Vella: Yeah, well I'd just love to try having twins.Daniel: No, great, that sounds like a good plan. Thanks.

更多英语知识，请关注微信公众号: VOA英语每日一听 Daniel: Hey, Vella. Well we're talking about things, big things you want to achieve in your life, so how about you? What do want to do?Vella: Well, one of my biggest dreams is to become an actress.Daniel: Uh-uh.Vella: Because I really love acting and, you know, it would be fun to act in a movie and to play, you know, as a different character than who you really are.Daniel: Uh-uh. What kind of movies especially, do you have any preferences?Vella: I would love to try all characters. You know, maybe play in a horror movie or comedy or romance, anything.Daniel: Where do you want to do this? Back in Indonesia, in the States?Vella: Well, I would love to become a Hollywood actress, but it might be too impossible so I would just try in Indonesia first, and maybe if I can go international, then that would be amazing.Daniel: OK, good. Do you have any, like do you want to do it within ten years or something?Vella: Well, since I'm graduating pretty soon, I would love to try, you know, as soon as I get back to Indonesia.Daniel: Uh-uh.Vella: And, you know, start trying to go to agencies.Daniel: Is there any other dream that you want to achieve?Vella: This might sound silly, but I love Ricky Martin.Daniel: Uh-uh.Vella: And, you know, I really want to have the chance to meet him and maybe dance with him.Daniel: OK.Vella: Because he's Latino and I'm really into Latin culture, and I know that dancing is really, you know, a big part of the culture.Daniel: Oh, yeah, it is.Vella: And it will be really amazing if I could just dance, you know, with Ricky Martin.Daniel: He's a really good dancer.Vella: And maybe I could be in his music video.Daniel: That would be nice. That would be really, really nice.Vella: And the last thing is probably get married and start my own family.Daniel: Uh-uh. How is that going? Do you have any plans? Do you have a boyfriend, like do you have any...?Vella: Well, I'm in a relationship right now, so hopefully that goes well.Daniel: Oh, good. So you want to start a family right?Vella: Yes.Daniel: How many children would you like to have?Vella: Two to three, maximum three.Daniel: Two to three, OK.Vella: I would love to have twins.Daniel: Wow, why?Vella: A girl and a boy so ....Daniel: Why?Vella: I don't know.Daniel: Oh, it sounds, it sounds really fun.Vella: Because no one in my family, you know, has twins, so I think it would be cool to be the first one to have twins.Daniel: But at the same time, it seems to me to be quite hard to raise like twins because everything comes double, you know.Vella: It's the same thing as having like two or three children, you know, you just get them at the same time.Daniel: That's why it's even harder because you have, I don't know, double expenses, double everything.Vella: Yeah, well I'd just love to try having twins.Daniel: No, great, that sounds like a good plan. Thanks.

Shelia Erwin is a wife, Bible study teacher, mom to the Erwin Brothers, and author of the brand new book, "Raising Up Dreamers: Find and Grow Your Child's God-Given Talents", which is what we are chatting about today. What We Chat about in Today's Episode: ~The journey God had Shelia and her husband on which contributed to the life and work her sons now have today ~Shelia's brand new book, what led her to write it, and what readers can expect ~The reality that God has made each of us - and our children! - unique, and the resulting problem with following formulaic parenting methods ~The problem with expectations ~Allowing God to write the story  ~Parenting from a position of rest ~Surrendering to the Lord and claiming His promise of wisdom as we parent ~Engaging with our childrens' imaginations and how to start ~Entering into our childrens' worlds and how that speaks volumes to them ~Knowing your children and taking the time to study them ~Being available to and enjoying your kids ~The reality that in order to have good relationships with our children as adults we have to have good relationships with them when they're little ~The temptation for moms who are physically at home to not be emotionally or mentally at home; rejecting that temptation and making time for and dedicating focus to what really truly matters ~What intentional parenting is and what it is not ~Equipping our children to grow strong in their faith and identity in the midst of a dark culture and challenging influences and hardships ~Teaching our kids how to stand alone through the example of Daniel ~How to have faith and knowing the balance between that and taking unwise risks ~Allowing our kids to fail and the beneficial lessons which come from that ~And more! For full show notes, head to www.hargraveshomeandhearth.com/podcast

You can find the Satrix webinar we mention at the top of the show here. Isn't it odd how few money conversations centre around mundane financial choices? Surely our net worth is a reflection of the small financial decisions we make every day. A rather typical experience with a contractor has me questioning my decision-making this week. Do I need to think differently about the intersection between price and quality? I asked your help and got some really excellent ideas. Simon and I think through many of them in this week's episode of The Fat Wallet Show.  I loved all the feedback we got. Unfortunately my favourite new way of thinking came in after we recorded the show, but here it is: Subscribe to our RSS feed here. Subscribe or rate us in iTunes. Your feedback: Figure out the average price and look 10-20% above that and compare features/requirements. I usually end up with something on the upper end of mid range, with the reliability of the higher end, but none of the "its the best" tax. Cost per use is the other dominant factor. — z3llin (@z3llin) June 25, 2020   Oscar: If the price difference is marginal, I'd go for convenience, or for good service, or both. If the price difference is sizable, there is bound to be third party published material where this difference is explained [in detail]. Tamara: Depends on the thing. Some things are worth paying more for because they yield a better experience or last longer than cheap alternatives (e.g. decent tools, leather boots). Other things, I take the best price I can get (e.g. refill on my gas bottle, cat scratching block)... There's also an element of risk that gets factored in to value equations on some stuff. I'm not going to go hunting for cut-rate medical specialists or the cheapest backyard mechanic. I'll willingly pay more if I believe it translates to better care. Duke of Prunes: Generally the cheapest thing with the most favourable reviews possible. Manus: My problem is to figure out if I really do need the thing, if I do need the thing I have to figure out how important the quality is. If quality is important I will overpay if need be. Overpaying because it is pretty isn't reason enough to overpay. Daniel: How much I will be using it will also determine how much Im willing to spend. The more I will use something the more Im willing to pay for better quality versions. Rudi: If it separates you from the ground, go for quality (shoes, bed, tyres) Facebook: Sheila: Depends .. may buy cheapest item, find it is inefficient, and revert to an expensive product. For instance - dishwashing tablets. Wilhelm: Some brands offer amazing quality products but also at a increased price. If I know the product will last a lifetime, I don't mind paying extra (Stanley Flasks, LED lenser headlamps). Greg: I generally go for quality, my big exception is cell phones, in my mind they do the same job, so I just buy the cheaper Chinese brands for cash; I just can't justify shelling out 15k plus for a cellphone. Wynand: Here I actually differ. I feel I interact with this device for HOURS everyday so I soend money to make that experience a pleasant one. Shane: in the kitchen i can tell the difference between a R1000 pan and R90 pan. the latter is so wobbly it barely touches the stove. no more skimping on kitchenware for me , no matter what the cost

Study Notes Ed Underwood Daniel: The Key That Unlocks God’s Plan for the Ages! The Most High is ruler over human kingdoms and gives them to whomever he wishes! (Daniel 4:25) The seventeen Books of Prophecy record the messages of the writing prophets (those whose messages are preserved in writing) God raised up to speak for him following the ministries of the prophets Elijah and Elisha. The failings of the Divided Kingdom Era prompted God to speak to Israel in the north and Judah in the south. They continued to speak to God’s people for over 400 years, including the exile to Babylonia and the return to the Promise Land. (1 Kings 12-Esther) The prophets spoke for God to His people concerning the enforcement of terms of their covenant relationship with God. Each spoke to a specific generation of Israel or Judah to enforce the conditional covenant (Mosaic) in the context of the unconditional covenants flowing from the Abrahamic Covenant. Their message can be summed up in these sentences: You are mine! (Unconditional covenants, Romans 11:29). Walk with me and I will bless you. Walk away from me and I will call you back to myself through loving discipline. (Conditional covenant, Romans 9-11). Nebuchadnezzar, the King of Babylon destroyed Jerusalem in three stages. First, in 605 BC he overcame Jehoiakim and carried off key hostages including Daniel and his friends. Second, in 597 BC the rebellion of Jehoiakim and Jehoiachin brought further punishment, and the Babylonians carried off ten thousand hostages including Jehoiachin and Ezekiel. Third, in 586 BC Nebuchadnezzar destroyed the city after a long siege. Ezekiel and Daniel were about the same age and Jeremiah was about twenty years older. This means that Daniel was just a teenager when he arrived in Babylon. By any worldly measure in Daniel’s time, it seemed the God of Israel was either powerless against her enemies or had abandoned her. The gods of Assyria and Babylon had seemingly triumphed over the God of Israel and Judah, the Temple was razed, and the Jews were living as discontented captives in a land far from home. God calls Daniel, a teenage captive forced into service to the King of Babylon to speak His messages into this dark hour. “The collapse and fall of both Israel and Judah notwithstanding, the book of Daniel makes crystal clear that the Lord God remains absolutely sovereign over human affairs. This is apparent in the present [situation in Babylon], despite political and religious conditions that might suggest otherwise, and in the future [the times of the Gentiles], then there would be no doubt in anyone’s mind.” (Eugene H. Merrill, “A Theology of Ezekiel and Daniel,” in A Biblical Theology of the Old Testament, p. 388. The powerful miracles on behalf of the civil disobedience of Daniel and his friends (chapters 1-6) demonstrate God’s sovereign care of His people during the worst of times. The prophecies (chapters 7-12) demonstrate God’s sovereign rule over the Gentile nations and Israel. The writings of Daniel provide the key to the interpretation of all biblical prophecy. They also give believers an example of how to live for God in an ungodly culture: Daniel, the “Revelation of the Old Testament,” encourages God’s people to trust in Him during times when they feel powerless. I. THE CHARACTER OF DANIEL, (1): The prophet’s background and preparation open the book. Daniel is deported along with other promising youths and placed in an intensive training program in Nebuchadnezzar’s court. Their names and diets are changed so that they will lose their Jewish identification, but Daniel’s resolve to remain faithful to the Lord is rewarded. He and his friends are granted wisdom and knowledge. Daniel: How to live for God in an ungodly culture: Walk faithfully, wait patiently, and watch hopefully! II.THE PROPHETIC PLAN FOR THE GENTILES, (2-7): Only Daniel can interpret Nebuchadnezzar’s disturbing dream of the great statue (2). God illuminates the dream for Daniel. The God of Israel will sovereignly raise and destroy four gentile empires. The Messiah’s Kingdom will end the “Times of the Gentiles.” Because of his position in the dream, Nebuchadnezzar erects a golden image and demands that all bow to it (3). Daniel’s friends are thrown into the fiery furnace for refusing to bow down only to give God another chance to demonstrate His sovereignty and power. The vision of the tree (4) warns Nebuchadnezzar to acknowledge the supremacy of God and he is humbled until he does. The feast of Belshazzar marks the end of the Babylonian kingdom (5) as Belshazzar too is judged for arrogant defiance of God. During the reign of Darius, a plot against Daniel backfires when God delivers him in the den of lions (6). Daniel’s courageous faith is rewarded, and Darius learns a lesson about the might of the God of Israel. The vision of the four beasts ends the section on the “Times of the Gentiles” by supplementing the four-part statue of chapter 2 (7). Four gentile powers—the Babylonians, the Persians, the Greeks and the Romans will rule until, once again, “...the saints of the Most High shall receive the Kingdom and possess the Kingdom forever” (7:18). III. THE PROPHETIC PLAN FOR ISRAEL, (8-12): The focus of chapter 8 narrows to a vision of the ram and goat that shows Israel under the Medo-Persian and Grecian empires. Alexander the Great is the big horn (8:21) and Antiochus Epiphanes is the little horn (8:23). Daniel prays for his people and is given the revelation of the Seventy Weeks, including Messiah’s atoning death (9). This gives the chronology of God’s perfect plan for the redemption and deliverance of His people. Next is a great vision that gives amazing details of Israel’s future history (10-11). Chapter 11 chronicles the coming kings of Persia and Greece, the wars between the Ptolemies of Egypt and the Seleucids of Syria, and the persecution led by Antiochus. God’s people will be saved out of tribulation and resurrected (12). DANIEL AND YOU: Daniel teaches us how to live for our God when the world seems out of His control: Walk faithfully! Daniel simply lived an uncompromising life for God in a totally compromised culture. He was not a political activist, but he was civilly disobedient. The character of this man was formed in his childhood. His parents and his community had prepared his heart for God’s call. Wait patiently! Daniel’s life was a long story in the same direction. He patiently trusted in his God during both good and bad times, knowing that his God was bigger than his circumstances. C. Watch hopefully! Daniel shows the practical importance of prophecy in our everyday lives. Knowing our God is going to win and that He is the God of history encourages our faith. Messiah: Christ is the Great Stone who will crush the kingdoms of this world (2:34-35, 44). The vision of the sixty-nine weeks (9:25-26) pinpoints the coming of Messiah. The decree (9:25) took place on March 4, 444 BC (Nehemiah 2:1-8). The sixty-nine weeks of seven years equals 483 years, or 173,880 days (using the 360-day prophetic year). This leads to March 29, 33AD, the date of the Triumphal Entry.

Daniel 8 - Part 2 - What is the reality of the daily? Genesis, Exodus, and Numbers, how do these books influence Daniel? How do we understand Daniel 9? What is the daily? If this is an matter for Israel, why would you care? Join your Adventist Reflections podcast and listen how Pastor Zeny Vidacak skillfully unpacks a contextual reality to decode Daniel 9 and the 2,300 days! #Daniel 8 #ram #goat #littlehorn #666 #Daniel2 #Daniel7 #faith #faithfulness #commandments #pride #destruction #God #freedom #milennial #trials #Daniel #prophecy #Sabbath #sabbathschool #christian #christianity #sda #adventist #adventistreflections #persecution #deliverance

Premiering at Nashville Film Festival 2019, The Sheriff of Mars is a music documentary that tells the story of Daniel Antopolsky, a country and folk musician who was friends with Townes Van Zandt and who, the film suggests, helped to inspire Townes' now iconic outlaw country song "Pancho and Lefty." Wanting to escape the dark influence of the 1970s outlaw country music scene, Daniel retreated to France where he was discovered by Jason Ressler, the director of Sheriff of Mars. Jason was so captivated by Daniel's music that he became his manager, helping him release his first album at the age of 65. More albums followed as did press from the BBC, Rolling Stone, and other renowned publications. Under Jason's guidance, Daniel began getting booked to perform at prominent music events, including SXSW and the Black Deer Festival in the UK. Not content to merely be Daniel's manager, Jason also put together a music documentary to raise awareness of Daniel and his music. The Sheriff of Mars is what resulted, an affirming, on-screen demonstration of how it's never too late to start a music career or to revitalize once-abandoned dreams. If the vision is there, you need collaboration to make it happen, but if you compromise the vision—if you have a good vision—it's not going to turn out well." - Jason Ressler Jason is the first manager-director I've met, so I invited him on the show to get his take on finding success in film and music. Some of the things we discuss include How he got a BBC profile for Daniel How to persevere when beset by failure Collaborating with music producers and engineers to create an album that’s right for an artist The interview he did with James Brown before he died and the impression that left If you listen all the way to the end, you'll get to hear Daniel's song "Fish Bait Blues," which is also featured in the film. [spp-player url="http://traffic.libsyn.com/nsavides/Byron-Reese-Fourth-Age-Smart-Robots-Conscious-Computers-Future-of-Humanity-podcast-interview-NICKSAV-film-music-SHOW.mp3"] Sponsors for this Episode nsavides productions  I make friendly, engaging videos for earnest people. Some of my videos are here. I want to get better at connecting with others, so I'm putting together a couple of videos as an experiment. In the one below, I explore the New Orleans Art Museum, its surrounding sculpture garden, and a few places nearby.  I also address some of the underlying issues that get in the way of connection, at least for me, and I try to do so with playfulness and honesty. Connection Experiment: New Orleans Say hello: podcast@nsavides.com # Masterclass Online training from some of the world's best filmmakers, musicians, and creative leaders. Get access to all of Masterclass's world-class instructors for one great price: MasterClass All-Access Pass # Learn from and get inspired by Hans Zimmer, the composer on Gladiator, Interstellar, The Lion King, and more. # Related Episode In the interview, Jason mentioned being impressed by what Hannah Leder and her co-director were able to put together with a limited budget. On this episode, I interview Hannah about how she and her co-director pulled off a compelling film with just a two-person crew. # Related Things Sheriff of Mars Facebook, Instagram, YouTube Daniel's music on Spotify More of my podcast coverage of Nashville Film Festival My take on Frank Capra, for old time's sake Shortcut for the podcast: nicksav.show Additional music for the show provided by Rob Costlow. # Shows Mentioned Black Panther Gardians of the Galaxy Grey Gardens The Lion King  Mr. Smith Goes to Washington The Planters  Salesman Searching for Sugar Man The Sheriff of Mars Sid Bernstein Presents... Wonder Woman  # Musicians Mentioned The Beatles  Bob Dylan Daniel Antopolsky Drake  Emmylou Harris James Brown  Jessye Norman Justin Townes Earle Mississippi John Hurt Ray Charles  Steve Earle Taylor Swift  Townes Van Zandt Willie Nelson Book Mentioned A Confederacy of Dunces  If You Liked the Show Donate $1 to help keep the show going. Sign up for The nsavides Newsletter. Subscribe or leave an honest review: Apple Podcasts Spotify Overcast Say hello on Twitter:  @nsavidesPRO Thank you for visiting!

 Amanda Louder is a Certified Life Coach who helps women from conservative Christian backgrounds love their sex life. She helps women embrace their sexuality to help them strengthen their relationship with themselves, their spouse, and their Heavenly Parents. As a first step to helping women embrace their sexuality, she has provided a FREE guide to help women understand how they personally experience pleasure. You can get this guide by going to www.amandalouder.com/improvingintimacyIn addition to being a coach, Amanda is also a wife, mom to 3 and step-mom to 2.  In her spare time, she enjoys reading, watching her kids play sports, fishing, and camping.To hear more from Amanda, you can find her on Instagram @AmandaLouderCoaching or her podcast "Live From Love" where she talks about all things sex and marriage.[music]00:02 Voice Over: Welcome to Improving Intimacy, a podcast to help single and married Latter Day Saints strengthen their family connections and marriages. Daniel A. Burgess is the host of Improving Intimacy. Daniel's a marriage and family therapist, father, husband, and author. Here's Daniel on this episode of Improving Intimacy.00:20 Daniel: Welcome to another episode of Improving Intimacy. Today, we have life coach Amanda Louder with us, and I'm excited to explore her journey. I've been through her podcast and her website, and she's a member of the Intimacy Group. And I really enjoy her comments a lot, so I'm excited, and hopefully you are excited, to explore her journey to healthy sexuality here. So, let's jump right into it. Welcome. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Amanda.00:47 Amanda: Thanks so much, Daniel, I'm excited to be here. My name is Amanda Louder. I am a certified life coach. I coach women, primarily from conservative Christian backgrounds, help them embrace their sexuality, learn to love their sex life. I'm married. I'm currently on my second marriage, don't plan to have any more. [chuckle]01:08 DANIEL: Oh, wow.01:09 AMANDA: And together we have five kids, ranging from 11 to almost 20.01:14 DANIEL: That's exciting. So, what took you on this journey? I'm assuming that you weren't always a life coach.01:18 AMANDA: No. [chuckle]01:20 DANIEL: So, what brought you here?01:22 AMANDA: So, when I went through my divorce about eight years ago, it was really a time of discovery for me and discovering myself. And I actually have a great relationship with my ex-husband now, and we co-parent really well. And I'm remarried. I actually got remarried fairly quickly. I met my husband just six weeks after my divorce was final, and we married about nine months later, and we've been very happily married for seven years now. And so, people started reaching out to me for divorce advice, because they could see that, I guess as far as divorce goes, it was pretty successful. [chuckle] And so, I was getting calls like three or four times a month from people either asking for themselves or for a close friend or family member. And I really started thinking about going back to school to become a therapist so that I could help more women who had been in my situation. And I looked into it, and it would have taken me a lot of years and a lot of time that I wasn't willing to sacrifice with my family. I had five children at that point, and I'm very busy with them. And so, it wasn't something that I was willing to pursue. But then I found coaching a few years ago, and immediately, it felt like the right choice. It felt like what I was meant to do.02:44 AMANDA: So, I started coaching, and then I went through a certification program. I started originally just coaching women who were struggling in their marriage and contemplating divorce, helping them come to that decision for themselves with confidence and peace. And as I coached more and more, I found more and more women were struggling with healthy sexuality within their marriage and within themselves. And I was actually just on a trip this summer with a bunch of other girlfriends who are also coaches, and we're sitting around our condo, as girls do, and sex comes up. And so, I started imparting of my knowledge of the subject. And by the end of our trip, all of my friends were like, "Amanda, you have to do this. You have to change your niche. This is what you were truly meant to do. We have learned more from you in a weekend than we have in 15 years of marriage." And I was very hesitant at first. Sex can be a very scary topic for some people. I come from a background... A very private background. My parents are very private people.03:48 DANIEL: Very.03:49 AMANDA: I've never been that way. I'm always been an open book. But respecting where I came from and stuff, I understand that it can be a very scary subject for a lot of people to talk about. But it is something that I am very comfortable talking about. I feel very comfortable in that space and really want to help women love their sex life and embrace that so that they can not only enjoy their marriage more, but truly embrace who they are as a person. And I think it helps them come closer to themselves, to their spouse, and to their heavenly parents.04:20 DANIEL: I think it's impressive as I listen to your podcast. It's one thing to be a coach or even a therapist and work with people with sexual health issues, another have this ability to talk about the very sensitive, private, taboo topics in a way that's very comfortable. And that's one thing I immediately appreciate listening to your podcast. You could say things like vagina, clitoris, masturbation. The one episode I was listening to, I think it was orgasms. And the way you presented the information, you even talked about how using masturbation is a healthy part of discovering yourself. The way you presented it was very impressive. It's very difficult within our culture to even use the word masturbation. You pointed out it's a dirty word, and it triggers a lot of people.05:04 AMANDA: Well, I have to attribute a lot of that to you, Daniel. I listened to a podcast you were on, I think it was maybe the Mormon Marriages podcast, and mainly...05:11 DANIEL: Oh, with Nate Bagley and his wife?05:13 AMANDA: Yes. And it really opened up my eyes to a different way of looking at things. And then, I really started doing a lot of my own research and thoughts and prayer about it to be a lot more open-minded about it.05:26 DANIEL: Thank you. It's been quite a journey, but today's podcast is not about me. I relate to you a lot, just I didn't realize you had this background with your divorce. It sounds almost parallel to my experience. I'm assuming you probably already know. But it sounds like we were even divorced at probably about the same time. And I met my wife shortly before my divorce, and we knew we were gonna get married within months after my divorce was finalized. And so, in my journey, I made the stupid decision of jumping back into school and getting into therapy, and that was... It's difficult. And I knew it was gonna be hard, but I value and appreciate the weight of that journey, and I've been very open and vocal about life coaching and the concerns I have around it. You have something that most coaches don't have, is an actual certificate. You're a certified professional life coach. And I think that's important because one of the things of working with people, especially with this type of subject, is you really gotta understand your boundaries, professionally, ethically, and what the client's responsibility is and your responsibility is. And I think that adds an additional level of safety in the relationship.06:37 DANIEL: And so, very good for you. I admire you for doing that, because you're right. I can't tell you how many people I've seen in our position, try to go back into, or at least pursue therapy as a career, and they have to stop after four or five years because it's gotten too expensive, and the barrier to entry is just ridiculous. And that's why I don't say life coaching is not an option. I think it is definitely an option. In fact, I hire life coaches, and I worked as a life coach for a while. But back to what you do, I love this. So, you're presenting a message of safety to these women and you're giving an example that they haven't seen before. When you say you did a divorce right, I totally understand what you mean by that. No divorce is easy, by any means. But they were pursuing you. What did you notice? What was maybe a common theme or pattern that you saw in the people who were seeking your advice? Kind of a big question there, but what would you sum it up, or did you see any patterns, or was it kind of all over the place?07:33 AMANDA: It's really all over the place. Everybody comes to the table with different issues. Their spouse comes to the table with different issues. And it's just really helping them see how they're interpreting the situation, the story that they're telling themselves, and how that's giving them the results that they're getting in their marriage. I worked with women who were really struggling with their sexuality, I worked with women whose husbands had issues with pornography, I was working with women who have had issues with infidelity in their marriage. And some, they were just unhappy because their husbands weren't living up to what they thought husbands should be, what they thought their spouse was supposed to be, the needs that their spouse was supposed to be meeting in them, and just teaching them how to meet those needs for themselves and just letting their partner be them and choosing to love them anyway.08:22 DANIEL: That's a big one, and one that I don't think even a lot of therapists embrace. Maybe that's not a fair statement. Maybe don't value or understand a lot. We get couples into the therapy room, and we focus on better communication. And those things are important. But I like what you're saying here. And I wanna inquire a little bit more about that, and focusing on the individual and their needs. And I've heard that in a few of your podcasts, the need to turn to yourself and understand what your needs are. Tell me a little bit more about your journey there and how you came to that conclusion.08:54 AMANDA: Well, we all have issues, we all come to the table with baggage. And really, being able to look at yourself and see what you're bringing to the table and how you're contributing to your relationship. Are you being needy? Are you being demanding? Are you being... And they stem from all sorts of issues from your background, but you're showing up in a way that's creating the relationship that you don't want. And so, really taking a look at how your thinking is creating that result for you, creating that relationship for you, and what you can do differently even if your spouse never changes. And sometimes that means making hard decisions. Sometimes, that means setting boundaries, walking away, whatever that is for you. But looking at yourself first, not, "How do I change him?" It's, "How do I change me? How do I get comfortable with myself in this situation, no matter how my partner shows up?"09:54 DANIEL: That's a huge concept. [chuckle]09:56 AMANDA: Yeah, it is.09:56 DANIEL: Big. And I'm curious if you get any push back on that?10:00 AMANDA: For sure.10:00 DANIEL: How do you deal with that? Let's get a little bit more specific here. I think there's this danger, and you pointed out in one of your podcasts is, "Are you blaming me for my spouse's behaviors then?" And that's usually how that phrase is taken. It's like, "Focus on yourself. See what you're doing to contribute to the problem or the issue." How do you navigate that?10:19 AMANDA: Well, it's individual. It really just depends on how they're thinking about it. What I say to all of my clients is, every problem is a thought problem. It's just how you're choosing to think about it. Or, you're believing what your brain is offering to you without questioning it. If you wanna believe something, believe it with intention, not just because that's what's offered to you. One I hear a lot is, like, "My spouse plays way too many video games. I'm sick and tired of him neglecting me, neglecting the house, neglecting the kids, because he's busy playing video games." And this could be a variety of things. It could be watching sports or looking at pornography, or whatever it is. It's his behavior. Well, how are you choosing to think about it? How are you contributing to that situation? One, you can choose to think that it's not a problem. That's totally up to you. But you can also choose to think it is a problem, and then what are the results of that? And are you okay with that? Is that serving you? If it's serving you, go ahead and keep thinking about it. But if it's not, then you can look at what you want to purposely think instead that might change that dynamic.11:25 AMANDA: Try to look at it from his point of view. Maybe he's had a long day at work, and this is how he knows how to unwind. Maybe he's doing that too much and you just need to have a conversation about it. But are you having that conversation in a blaming way, like, "You shouldn't do this," or you're saying, "This is what I see, and this is how it's affecting me. This is how I feel"? And be confident enough in yourself to be able to say those things.11:49 DANIEL: I really appreciate that. I use this example and I appreciate it as an example because we focus on the wrong problem a lot. And when I work with clients and they say, let's go with this example of, "He's gaming all the time. And he won't listen to me, he won't get off. He's absorbed with it." And what the discussion starts to evolve around is, how much he's gaming. But that's not really what we want. We want his attention. And so, I will often say, "Tell you what, let's try this experiment. Why don't you stop talking about the... Don't ever bring up the gaming anymore. And you walk into the house after getting the kids or coming home from work, and you see him gaming with his headphones on or whatever he's doing, and tell you what, why don't you do something a little bit different and go up to him, hug him in a way that's not distracting him but letting him know that you're there, and say, 'I would really love to spend a few minutes with you. I miss you'? And watch how that changes." Now, often, people will... They'll come back and they'll say, "He didn't listen to me."12:55 AMANDA: Keep doing it.12:56 DANIEL: No, keep doing it, day after day. Create a new sense of predictability. I think a lot of couples, depending... Especially if they've been in this rut for so long, it's like, "I'm not trusting that behavior. Where is that coming from?" It becomes a little bit suspicious. "You're actually focusing on me and not the games. Are you just trying to manipulate me?" But we give the gaming, or whatever that problem is or that distraction, all the attention. And it no longer becomes about each other. It's about ending this. As though taking that behavior away will then create a healthy behavior.13:28 AMANDA: Well, so I talk a lot about, like, "Who do you want to be in this situation? Do you wanna be the nagging, controlling wife? Or do you want to be the wife who's loving and compassionate and trying to create that connection with your spouse?" Because really, that's what's happening. You're not getting that connection that you want. He's getting the connection through gaming, or whatever. He's getting what he thinks he needs, but he probably rather get it from you, if you're offering it in the right way.13:55 DANIEL: It's interesting, as I listen to you speak, you're definitely using language, I think you have an advantage as a woman working with female clients. I don't know if I could ever get away with saying, "nagging." "Stop nagging your husband."14:05 AMANDA: [chuckle] Yeah. Women nag, I can say that. We nag. Yeah.14:09 DANIEL: [chuckle] Yeah, that's very good, that's very difficult to do, and be able to focus on the positive behavior. I always call it, "What's the desired outcome?" And they'll say, "Stop the game." No, that's not the desired outcome. The desired outcome is, "I wanna feel closer. I wanna feel connected." Then, let's make that...14:29 AMANDA: Let's make that the goal.14:30 DANIEL: Not the ending. 'Cause really, if your husband... And let's exaggerate a little here, for example's sake. If he's gaming 12 hours a day, but he's providing a living and you feel totally connected to him, is the gaming really a problem? "No, I feel totally connected to him." So, it's not really the gaming. I realize it's an exaggerated example, but usually, is the case. So, excellent, I love that approach. So, tell me a little bit more about how you work with the sexual topic. I know when I first did this, it was... And I appreciate the compliment that you got it from me, but when I first did this, and I've shared this story before. My first blog post was a couple, maybe three years ago, about masturbation, my infamous, seven series blog posts. I remember when I clicked post, I was shaking. I was afraid of how people would perceive me and just the whole cultural phenomenon around that. And so, it took me quite a few years to get to that point where it was even comfortable to say out loud, even with clients. Masturbation. I'm constantly managing that sensitivity around that issue. How do you feel like you've taken that journey and getting comfortable with engaging in those topics with people?15:48 AMANDA: It's just kind of who I am. I'm...15:51 DANIEL: Oh, really?15:51 AMANDA: I think it's become more and more comfortable, but it's never been something that I've really had a problem talking about, body parts and saying vulva and vagina and clitoris and penis. That's never been an issue for me. But that's not how I was raised, so...16:10 DANIEL: Yeah, you were saying you were raised in a very private home.16:13 AMANDA: Yes, very. Very private. So, it's just something that I feel like... I almost feel like it's a gift that I've been given. And that's part of the reason... When I started coaching a year-and-a-half ago, I don't know that I would have been ready at that point to discuss these sexual topics in the nature that I do now and become a sex coach. [chuckle] But now, I'm stepping into my own, that is who I am, and I can see that very, very clearly. And I feel very prompted. I bring prayer and the Spirit very much into every podcast that I do and all of my coaching sessions. I pray about what I'm supposed to be podcasting about that week, and I feel very prompted onto what those topics are supposed to be. And so many times, when I listen to those promptings, the words just flow. And so, I just learned to recognize that this is who I am, this is who I was made to be, and I'm just really stepping into that, and as I do so, my Heavenly Father is blessing me more and more.17:26 DANIEL: I appreciate hearing that. I think one of the collateral damage of work in my type of profession is being hyper-sensitive to people's concerns and not wanting to offend or come across as unempathetic. And I think sometimes that's a detrimental in the sense that I forget my personality in that because I'm so focused. And it's interesting because it's almost like a marriage in a sense, because if I lose myself in that work and that other person, I forget the gifts that I bring. So, that's a really good reminder to me, I appreciate hearing that. And being myself, I think, I've talked about this, written about this, is, I'm gonna say dumb things and I'm gonna say things that are incorrect.18:12 AMANDA: Totally.18:13 DANIEL: I'm dyslexic in my communication, as you probably already can tell, but if I focus more on a fear on not being truthful to myself and offending somebody else, I lose that power in that message. And so, that's a great reminder.18:28 AMANDA: We can't control what other people are thinking, so no matter what we say, people could be offended. [chuckle] So, I would rather just be true to myself and true to who I know I'm supposed to be, and let them worry about them.18:40 DANIEL: We call that differentiation in therapy, and that's a powerful concept and very difficult for a lot of people to embrace. I've discovered, as I've tried to bring that to the table, and I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this is, as you teach clients how to differentiate and to be an individual, is that scary for them? What's their experience like?19:01 AMANDA: Yeah, I always tell clients it's gonna get worse before it gets better.19:05 DANIEL: What do you mean by that? I think I know what you mean.19:07 AMANDA: Yeah, so when we start showing up differently, the dance changes. We've been doing this dance with our partner, with ourselves, even, for a very long time, and when we start showing up differently, the people around us, and not just our spouse, but our parents, our children, our friends, are like, "Woah, what's happening here? This is not normal." And they're like, "I don't know how to do this dance, I don't know how to respond." But eventually, most the time, they get the hang of it. If we just...19:35 AMANDA: You create a new normal...19:36 AMANDA: You create a new normal. So, I have a client who... She was definitely... Well, she says, "Being controlled," by her spouse. Really, she was letting herself be controlled. We know that it's not... They're not controlling, you're letting yourself be controlled. So, once she learned to step into her own, her spouse was like, "No, this is not happening. I run... This is what I do." And she was like, "Sorry, this isn't the way it's happening." And now, they've figured out this new dance and things are so good, so good. They've learned to give and take more, and she's willing to really say what she's thinking and not be afraid of his response. And he wasn't abusive or mean, or anything, it was just like, "I'm the man. This is the way it's gonna be". And she...20:26 DANIEL: It was his role.20:28 AMANDA: It was his role. And she's like, "Sorry, that's just not gonna work anymore". And it was really rough for a long time, but then he's like, "Okay, this is the new normal. Okay, I can see how this is actually beneficial for both of us. Okay, this is working. Yeah, okay, let's keep doing this, let's do it, let's do this dance now." And it's so much better.20:48 DANIEL: That is so wonderful to hear from you because I think there's a concern when we... When we look at these relationships, we have a difficult time in general. I'm not just talking about life coaches or therapists, is someone has to be bad and somebody has to be good. And so, when we look at these situations I think we have to be very, very careful. And you demonstrated that right now, is where we have... Let's go with this example of the wife coming in, saying, "I'm being controlled." And then, you reframe it to, "You're allowing yourself to be controlled," which is a big concept and a little scary, as you see. But then, the husband's response in this is, "No, this isn't gonna happen." We tend to stereotypically identify that as a manipulative person. But you had this insight is, "Well maybe this is just his training." He's not trying to be a bad person, as you clarify. He wasn't abusive, but his behavior, the way he was raised as an individual, this is his communication style and he doesn't know how to get out of it, so we need to help him out of it. It's not because he's a bad person. But he just doesn't know how to do it.22:00 AMANDA: But he didn't come to coaching, he didn't go to therapy. It was only her. But by her changing the dynamic and changing the way that she was showing up in the relationship, changed the relationship.22:12 DANIEL: Yes, and that's huge. Good clarification there. And you were able to create that change through her.22:18 AMANDA: And it wasn't me creating the change through her, it was her creating the change through her.22:22 DANIEL: But even in that situation... In fact, it could be even more risky, because we could look at this, we don't know the husband, we don't know his behavior, it could become an easy out and say, "He is abusive. You need to get away from him."22:33 AMANDA: Well, you can, but we talk about that and we talk about healthy boundaries, what those look like. When he starts exhibiting more control, maybe using some language that violates one of those boundaries, then you say, "Hey, that's not okay with me. If you wanna keep using that language, that's totally fine, but I'm gonna go, I'm gonna leave the room. I'm gonna leave the house for a couple of hours. I'll come back when you're ready to talk about it again in a better manner," I guess.23:00 DANIEL: I notice on your website, and it sounds like you work exclusively with women, but do you ever work as a couple?23:06 AMANDA: Yeah, I've worked with couples, I've worked with just men.23:08 DANIEL: Okay, so it's not just women.23:10 AMANDA: No.23:11 DANIEL: But that's your primary audience.23:13 AMANDA: Yes.23:13 DANIEL: So, along this line of thinking, you extend this idea of, "You need to take responsibility in your relationship for your own behavior and how you perceive things and create a new healthy or a new normal." You push this idea into intimacy. And I think it was that same podcast I was listening to is, "When sex is requested, say yes."23:36 AMANDA: It's the Nike approach. Just do it.23:38 DANIEL: Just do it.23:38 AMANDA: Say yes to the sex. That's what I say.23:40 DANIEL: And you addressed the concerns around that in the podcast, but tell me a little bit more because there is a risk there. How do you create healthy boundaries in an environment where you're saying yes to sex whenever requested?23:52 AMANDA: Yeah, so of course there's gonna be abuses taken, but what I'm talking about is more just in a good healthy relationship, where a lot of women are just not in the mood, so they're not... They don't wanna do it whenever their husband wants. And I'm really encouraging them to cultivate that connection and that desire within themselves, so that when their husband approaches them, they're ready, they want it too. And the more that they cultivate that within themselves, the more they start to crave it themselves.24:28 DANIEL: Is there ever a time to say no?24:29 AMANDA: Yeah, I've had women who, like, "Well, what if my husband is wanting sex as I go out the door and I need to be somewhere?" I'm like, "Okay, that's not gonna work. But you don't say, 'No, we're not having sex right now,' you say, 'Hold that thought. Let's do it later. I gotta run here.'" So, you're not saying no, you're saying yes, but let's do it later, when it's a little bit more convenient.24:51 DANIEL: You're focusing on the desired outcome. I love it.24:54 AMANDA: Yeah. Another one was like... And this is... Sorry, maybe too much for you, but women are like, "Well, can I say no when I'm on my period?" I'm like, "Well, that's a boundary... "25:03 DANIEL: Not too much here at all.25:05 AMANDA: "That's the boundary you can set for yourself." "Yes, I will say yes to you when I'm not on my period." But I will push you a little bit further and say, "It is totally fine for you to have sex while you're on your period, you just have to make some adjustments. Get a towel. It might be a little messier. Use a menstrual disk so that you can... " There are options. It's just, what are you willing to do for that?25:28 DANIEL: As I said at the beginning, we're gonna meander here. I love having just casual conversation. Let's explore that a little bit more there. I've actually, and maybe it's just being a man, I'm seeing a different perspective here, but I'm curious what you're seeing. Usually, I hear the man doesn't wanna have sex while the wife is on her period. Are you seeing it the other way around, where usually it's the women or is it...25:50 AMANDA: I see both. In my, "say yes to the sex challenge", if the man is saying, "I wanna have sex and I know you're on your period," then what is your hold up? What barriers are you putting into play? Just like, "Oh, I can't do it because I'm on my period," or like, "Is there really a problem?"26:09 DANIEL: Excellent, excellent insight there. I love it. So fascinating. So, what is the maybe biggest obstacles to intimacy that you're seeing for women?26:22 AMANDA: Guilt. Shame. Not knowing their body.26:25 DANIEL: Guilt and shame around what?26:28 AMANDA: I think the cultural dialogues that they've had in their youth, that their sexuality is something that needs to be repressed and is evil and is going to take them to hell, and then all of the sudden expecting that to be different when they're married. And not understanding that we should not be repressing sexuality as teenagers. We should be learning to manage it. And so, now that you're an adult, you've gotta figure out how to manage it as an adult. And that means not continuing to suppress it, and that means doesn't going crazy but learning how to manage it as an adult manages things.27:06 DANIEL: Wow. How does one go about eliminating that guilt? That's...27:11 AMANDA: Figuring out where it comes from, what the thoughts are, and just retraining the brain on... A lot of what I get is women saying, "I feel dirty. I feel un-virtuous. I feel like Heavenly Father is going to be mad at me."27:28 DANIEL: Wait, wait, wait. Are you talking about about when they're having sex with their spouse?27:30 AMANDA: Yes, when they're having sex with their spouse, that it creates all of this guilt and shame that somehow their Heavenly Father is looking down on them for not using sex only for procreation. For a lot of them, it's okay to procreate, but for fun and enjoyment and being closer to their spouse, not okay.27:48 DANIEL: This is actually something that I've discovered more and more. I think I knew it before, but I didn't realize how deep it ran. I knew it did with me, but for maybe other reasons. But this concept, if you noticed in the group and maybe you saw are common, with the new interview, temple-recommended interview questions came out. And the questions around the law of chastity where you're striving to have morally clean thoughts. And some... And this is not to point out anybody or criticize or shame in any way, but a few people were actually saying, "How do I answer that question when I'm desiring sex with my husband?" Or something to that effect. And so, they equated this idea that sex, even with your eternal companion, is dirty and can't be experienced emotionally or mentally.28:35 AMANDA: Or having thoughts about having sex with your spouse is dirty. And yeah, I just... I'm like, "No." And I tried to tell this as much as I can and try to help women understand, like, "This is what's supposed to be happening. This is what your Heavenly Father wants for you. He gave you an entire organ just for your pleasure. It's not... He wants you to be having fun. He created your brain to need novelty and newness and dare we say dirty thoughts to get aroused with your spouse." Now, sometimes minds wander, and that's fine too. But if you're not turning away from your spouse to do that, if you're turning towards your spouse, even if your mind is going a different direction, good on you. That's what's supposed to be happening. This is how your brain was created. This is what your Heavenly Father wants for you. Just changing that dialogue, I think, is so needed, and that's what one of my main messages is. It's like, let's just change this dialogue a little bit. All of these things that you've heard or you heard as youth or you're reinforcing to yourself now, you're interpreting, there's a different way to think about things, and I just want you to open up your mind to that possibility.29:47 DANIEL: Yeah. What a wonderful idea there. That concept of guilt runs so deep and we start to bring so many different perspectives into the bedroom. And...29:58 AMANDA: Oh, for sure.29:58 DANIEL: We gotta get the Bishop out of the bedroom, we've gotta get our culture out of the bedroom. And how do we do that? 'Cause it crushes sex. Do you see... When a client of yours is able to embrace that idea and start to re-map their brain in how they think about this, what do you see happen to their sexual arousal or desire?30:19 AMANDA: It goes way up.[chuckle]30:22 DANIEL: It seems like I led right into that...30:23 AMANDA: Way up, yeah. This has happened with quite a few clients, but I usually see them creating, cultivating that more within themselves. And it just... It makes everything better. I have a little theory here that the anxiety that so many women have is really just that they're sexually frustrated. And I would love to do some sort of study on this. I gotta try and figure it out. But I really think that they don't understand their body well enough to know that they're actually craving it, and they need it. And if they would just let their body do what it was made to do, quit putting on the brakes all the time and just let it run, it would be so much better for every aspect of their life. They would be a better wife, they would be a better mother, they would be a better friend, they would be a better worker. Every single aspect of their life would be better. And I have seen that for myself. I've seen it in my clients. It happens almost every time. Unless there's some sort of sexual trauma, abuse or something that needs to be worked through, and that's not something I do. I turn that over to the professionals. I can work with a therapist when it comes to that, but that's not something that I personally work on, that's out of my scope. But unless there's that there, it's just women putting on the brakes when they don't need to put on the brakes.31:50 DANIEL: Yeah. Have you ever seen... And I appreciate the clarification around the trauma, and I think that's very important to... And thankful that you refer out for that stuff. And I think that it's important to understand too, it's not for everyone to approach it this way. I'm curious if you've ever seen where somebody is working on their guilt and they start to experience their desires in a way that they've never done before. Have you noticed any of them actually get scared of that desire?32:17 AMANDA: Yeah.32:18 DANIEL: Tell me a little bit about that.32:19 AMANDA: Their brain is doing this, like, "I want it, but I can't." And they're just fighting it constantly, and so, it's causing all this friction that they don't understand.32:28 DANIEL: They can't what? They can't have it or... Oh, because it's bad.32:31 AMANDA: It's bad. They shouldn't. But helping them retrain their thinking so that, like, "No, this is a good thing. This is what I was created for. If I can embrace this, my Heavenly Father can give me even more of His Spirit and His blessings. He can bless my relationship, my marriage, even more when I can open myself up to everything that I was created to be."33:00 DANIEL: I've even heard female clients say... I wanna represent it correctly. I think it was, "I don't... " As they're starting to feel this arousal and this orgasm come on, I've heard a handful of them say, "I don't deserve this." It's very self-shaming language. I'm not exactly sure what they're experiencing as a female, and that... 'Cause I know for a lot of men is like, "Yes, we're creating that experience." So, what is this dynamic they're feeling?33:32 AMANDA: I talked about it a little bit in my last podcast, that we...33:37 DANIEL: Was that 77 or... Which podcast was that?33:39 AMANDA: 78, I think. We're told in the proclamation of the family that we're nurturers. We are responsible to nurture our husbands and our children, and we've turned that into, "We need to be self-sacrificing."33:52 DANIEL: That's the language they use. "It feels selfish to have an orgasm." [33:55] ____, yes.33:57 AMANDA: Yes. Yes. And so, they don't feel like they can have that for themselves, because if they do, then they aren't fulfilling their eternal role as a nurturer. And what I say is, "You need to nurture yourself first." Sex isn't about the culmination of a man having an orgasm. That is not what sex is about. And when it comes to sex, yes, you want to take care and nurture your spouse, but you need to make sure that you are taken care of and nurtured for yourself as well. You and your arousal and your feelings and your primary responsibility. It is not your spouse's responsibility to give you an orgasm, it is your responsibility to get yourself in a place where that can happen.34:40 DANIEL: Wonderfully said. And I'm gonna link the listeners to the specific podcast that I'm referencing, we're referencing, in this podcast. But tell me a little bit more about that. I think it was in the orgasm podcast, again, that learning yourself, even through masturbation, it's not just about stimulating your clitoris. Tell me, do you recall what I'm talking about? Tell the audience more about self-exploration, what's involved with that?35:06 AMANDA: Yeah. So many people think that orgasm is the end goal. And really, it's about connection, but it's also about pleasure. So really, understanding how you personally experience pleasure, that can probably get you to orgasm, but understanding your body... We have erogenous zones all over our body. I love that Friends episode. [chuckle] I don't know if you remember that, but I'm sure some of your listeners probably do. The seven erogenous zones. We have so many places on our body that can experience pleasure. And so, if we tune into our body and really understand how we personally experience pleasure, then we are much more able to have that experience and cultivate that within ourselves. Whether that's, we are understanding how we can touch ourselves, or how we can guide a partner to touch us. It doesn't have to be masturbation. You don't have to pleasure yourself to the point of orgasm. It's just understanding what feels good to you, and then, being able to replicate that, either with a partner or on your own.36:17 DANIEL: We refer to this as sensate focus therapy. Touching and even dragging your fingers across your skin, and just becoming present with yourself. And I really valued how you approached this topic in that podcast, and that you're even sharing with the audience. Consider things you haven't considered before, like anal stimulation. And that may seem dirty, but even that concept of it feeling dirty or not even considering is self-shaming and not really considering what your body can or should do or would like to do. You're silencing your body and not actually paying attention to it. And so, in this senate experience, touching yourself all over, your nipples, your anus, your vagina, your arms, everything.37:04 AMANDA: Everything.37:05 DANIEL: Discover what you like and how it resonates with your sexual self.37:10 AMANDA: Yeah, and so, I actually... And I couldn't offer this, and I'll give you a link to put in your show notes. I offer a free worksheet, a download, where it guides a woman through different body parts and how those body parts like to be touched. And it's just... I call it the roadmap to personal pleasure. Really figuring out what pleasure feels like for you. It can be done alone, it can be done with a partner, both, either. You can do whatever you want with it. It's just a guide to get you thinking and get you started.37:47 DANIEL: Amanda, I gotta have you back on, 'cause I would love to continue to poke and prod your knowledge, and I could go on for hours like this. Anything that you would like to... I think you shared a lot here, but anything you'd like to leave the audience with, before we wrap up?38:03 AMANDA: I would love for you guys to follow me on Instagram @amandaloudercoaching. My podcast is called Live From Love. That's what I believe this life should be, that if we live from a place of love, we're not only honoring ourself, but we're honoring everybody else around us, and that's the best place to be.38:20 DANIEL: Amanda, thank you, thank you so much for your time.38:23 AMANDA: You're so welcome, Daniel, thanks for having me.

Questions on the mind of Daniel: How long until the downfall of beastly empires, and the deliverance of God's people?

 This Post is broken out into two separate sections; Evelyn’s written first-hand account of her sexual health journey as a Latter-day Saint and the full transcript of Evelyn’s podcast interview. Evelyn’s written first-hand account of her sexual health journey:As a single Latter-day Saint woman struggling with anxiety and depression, my sexuality was not a priority in my life. After all, I was single, wasn’t I? As an active and devout member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, my responsibility as I saw it at the time was to avoid and ignore anything related to sex. Whatever my well-meaning youth leaders had intended, the message that I had received from them was that anything related to sex - discussion, acknowledgment, unintended feelings of arousal, etc. - was off-limits. The idea that this avoidance might be contributing to my mental health struggles never crossed my mind. In fact, at one point, when asked whether I had a healthy view of sexuality, my answer was “How should I know?” In my mind, even knowing the answer to a question like this was potentially inappropriate, because it would require thinking about sex.Then came the challenge to make some goals in my life in all areas, including my sexuality. This made me uncomfortable. I have tried to do what is right throughout my life, and this felt like straying a little too close to the fence for me, so I started small. I would just think about my sexuality. That was all. For a few minutes, I would consider that this part of myself that I had isolated, ignored, and disconnected was, in fact, a legitimate part of me. Over time, this few minutes of thought led to study. I read books written by members of the Church and other Christian authors and considered what they had to say. I prayed about what I was reading and my own questions. I became increasingly certain that sexuality and desire are God-given and an important part of being whole and complete. As I came to this understanding, some truly unexpected things began to happen.The first noticeable change was that I began to feel differently about certain TV shows. Many comedies use sex as a primary source of humor. Where these shows had not bothered me previously, I began to feel uncomfortable with the way that they were portraying sexuality. Using this gift from God for a cheap laugh began to affect me more. Studying and thinking and acknowledging my own sexuality made it feel more sacred to me, not less. I changed some of my media habits to reflect my new understanding. This led to a closer relationship with God. I also began to feel better about myself. I felt more comfortable in my own skin. I worried less about what others thought about me, and felt less need to hide behind a mask of whatever I thought others wanted to see. My symptoms of anxiety and depression began to decrease. This was a shock to me, but I realized that accepting my own sexuality and desires allowed me to stop fragmenting myself. I became more whole and more authentic. My relationships did not suffer for letting go of my carefully constructed mask. I became closer to my roommate as we had vulnerable discussions and talked - and sometimes laughed - together about our shared insecurities. Other relationships also improved. I began to serve others more and noticed their needs more easily. I felt more comfortable reaching out to comfort and help others in need.Eventually, I decided to take another step forward in understanding my own sexuality and desires. I decided to explore masturbation. This was not a step that I came to lightly. When it was first suggested during a therapy session, I had a strong negative reaction. I couldn’t possibly do this! It was wrong. I felt anxiety and pressure. I felt torn between a desire to please someone I respected by agreeing to try but also fear that trying this would ruin my relationship with God. As a child, I had stumbled upon the ability to stimulate myself and had done this occasionally for some time before I even understood what it was. The shame I felt when I eventually realized that this was what people meant when they used the term “masturbation” was extreme. I spoke with a bishop about this behavior, and put it behind me as best I knew how, by locking away that part of myself as completely as I possibly could to avoid even entirely unintentional feelings of arousal. Now, the thought that I might choose masturbation on purpose frightened me. I thought about this deeply for some time. Eventually, I made a choice: I would not try masturbation. I shared this in my next session. Once again, the results were unexpected. I didn’t consider this at the time, but this was the first real choice that I had ever made about my own sexuality. I had always attempted to do the right thing, but it was an effort to do what others told me to do. Never before had I exercised my agency around my sexuality. I had never owned a choice before in regards to this part of myself. I felt empowered. I felt strong. My fear and anxiety decreased, but not because of what I had chosen. They decreased simply because I had chosen. I realized then that I had previously allowed myself to be acted upon, rather than claiming my agency and making my choices. I began to pray and consider the possibility of making the choice to try to better understand and appreciate my own body, my sexuality, and my desire through masturbation. After a period of time, and with significant thought and prayer, I decided that this was something that I would do. Not long after this, I met the man that I would marry. My experiences had increased my ability to interact and communicate authentically, and I was able to bring my whole self to this relationship in a way that I had not been able to in past relationships. I was able to communicate more honestly about my needs, with less fear. This is not to say that this was easy, or that I was fully prepared to enjoy the sexual relationship with my husband after marriage. I discovered that what my mind and heart believed, my body did not necessarily understand. Like many women, I had to deal with painful sex and difficulty staying in the present moment during intercourse without shame or fear. Gratefully, my husband is a kind and honest communicator who cares about my enjoyment and is patient with me. As we have talked and shared and supported each other, I have felt increased closeness and enjoyment in sex. I know that if I had not begun the process of understanding and appreciating my sexuality and my own body before we married, this process would have been far more difficult. I fear I would not even have been able to talk about it with my loving husband with honesty and awareness, which would have made our intimate experiences together more challenging and our conversations less effective.I know that my journey is far from complete. I still often feel like I have a long way to go. I also would never presume that someone else should make the same choices I have. Every person needs to make their own decisions thoughtfully and prayerfully. However, I truly believe that my Heavenly Father cares about my relationships and is concerned with my experiences with sex. He doesn't want me to live in fear of my own sexuality, given to me by Him for righteous purposes. He wants me to recognize that this gift is a part of who I am. He wants me to enjoy sex with my husband and use it as an opportunity for us to grow closer together. He wants me to claim the gift of agency and make choices for myself, rather than acting out of fear. I am grateful for the experiences that I have had as I have sought to understand my sexuality. I know that they have helped me to develop my relationships - with myself, with my friends and family, and with God. I know also that they will impact the way that I teach my children about this topic. While I still appreciate the efforts of youth leaders who impacted my life in many ways for good, I want to better prepare my children to understand this powerful gift from their loving Father in Heaven. I hope that by teaching them differently than I was taught, they may be more prepared to fully enjoy and appreciate the blessing of their sexuality. Full Franscript of Evelyn’s Podcast Interview:0:00:05 Voice Over: Welcome to Improving Intimacy, a podcast to help single and married Latter-day Saints strengthen their family connections and marriages. Daniel A. Burgess is the host of Improving Intimacy. Daniel's a marriage and family therapist, father, husband, and author. Here's Daniel on this episode of Improving Intimacy.0:00:29 Daniel: Welcome to another episode of Improving Intimacy. Today, we have Evelyn in the studio, who's gonna be talking about her experiences around improving her sexual health through masturbation. A sensitive topic, and I appreciate her coming in and being vulnerable with us today. Evelyn, will you tell us a little bit about yourself?0:00:50 Evelyn: Sure. I am an active member of the church. I enjoy attending every week and with my family. Anything else you wanna know?0:01:06 Daniel: Kids?0:01:07 Evelyn: Kids, I do. I do have a child. I have a daughter.0:01:13 Daniel: How long have you been married?0:01:14 Evelyn: Been married about... A little more than two years.0:01:17 Daniel: Two years. And how old are you?0:01:20 Evelyn: I am 37.0:01:21 Daniel: Thirty-seven. Wow.0:01:23 Evelyn: Well, I did not get married real early.0:01:24 Daniel: No. Well, out here in Silicon Valley, that's a pretty standard age right there.0:01:30 Evelyn: That's true.0:01:31 Daniel: But you married right, which is a great thing.0:01:33 Evelyn: I did.0:01:35 Daniel: So you're coming in here today, and we're gonna be talking about some pretty private and personal things. What's your motivation for doing this? What's your purpose for doing this?0:01:49 Evelyn: I would say my purpose for doing this is that I feel like I've made a lot of progress through the different experiences that I've had. And some of them have been challenging, but I'm in definitely a better place than when I started, and I want to give other people the opportunity to hear about it so that maybe their journey could be a little bit easier.0:02:14 Daniel: That's wonderful. Tell us some of those challenges that you're having.0:02:19 Daniel: Well, I have struggled with anxiety for a lot of my life. I would say that when I was young, it was really challenging for me to kind of manage day-to-day. I had fairly crippling perfectionism and really was very, very worried about how other people perceived me, and that got in my way a lot. When I was in college, I hit a point where I realized that I needed help. I had great parents who helped me see that I needed some support, so I reached out and I got some help. And...0:03:08 Daniel: What kind of help did you get?0:03:10 Evelyn: I started attending therapy, and I also went on medication. So I was able to get better, but I kind of got to a point where I wasn't really making too much progress beyond...0:03:26 Daniel: Did the medication help?0:03:27 Evelyn: Oh, absolutely. Yeah.0:03:29 Daniel: And this was in your college years?0:03:32 Evelyn: Mm-hmm. Yes. The medication definitely helped, and so did the therapy. I was able to talk to a few different therapists, and it was really beneficial. But I guess that by the time I reached adulthood, I had learned how to manage a lot. I had learned a lot of coping skills which were very beneficial. They certainly made a difference in the quality of my life. I was able to calm myself down. I was able to kind of recognize when I might be having an anxiety reaction that was above and beyond the legitimate need based on what was going on. So I developed a lot of those skills, and I've made a lot of progress, but I would still slide back periodically. And I still realized that I hadn't dealt with some of the root issues.0:04:35 Daniel: Now, we're not talking about, "I'm nervous." We're talking about anxiety that was paralyzing.0:04:43 Evelyn: Yes. Yeah. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and it definitely was making it so that there were a lot of things that I couldn't do. Interacting with people was particularly difficult.0:05:00 Daniel: Let's talk a little bit more about that. Not only interacting with people, you're going into a profession. You're working. You're living on your own. You're high-functioning. But this was getting in the way, not just of interacting with people, but your job too?0:05:17 Evelyn: Well, I wouldn't say that it was getting in the way of my job performance. It was definitely getting in the way of my job enjoyment.0:05:24 Daniel: Ah, yes. And that's an important clarification right there. So how... If you can put it on a scale, it sounds like it was growing and becoming increasingly worse, and you'd been on medication and during your... Maybe your 20s is what we're talking about now. You're out of college, and it's increasingly getting worse. How bad was it? Tell us a little bit more about that.0:05:52 Evelyn: It depended, I would say, on the time. I would have times that I was... Felt pretty in control of how things were going, but then I would have other times when things would slide backward and I would just not want to do anything. And I would... I would say, externally, everything looked fine.0:06:11 Daniel: Yes.0:06:12 Evelyn: From an outsider's perspective...0:06:13 Daniel: You're good with that.0:06:15 Evelyn: Yes, I am. [chuckle]0:06:17 Daniel: As most... As a lot of people who struggle with anxiety are and who are high-functioning, people don't realize how bad they're suffering inside. And that was the case with you.0:06:28 Evelyn: Yeah.0:06:29 Daniel: Yeah.0:06:30 Evelyn: Yeah. But it became... Yeah, it was really very, very difficult on a day-to-day basis to just carry out the things that I needed to do, to make myself do that. It cost me a lot to go through a day and to make sure that no one knew how I was feeling about everything that I had to do, and just the overwhelming... Sometimes, it was... Sometimes it just felt incredibly devastating. I remember explaining it to my mother one time how I would feel about the future and about how things were going. And she said, "Wow, that sounds like the dementors in Harry Potter."0:07:11 Daniel: Wow.0:07:11 Evelyn: They just suck the joy out of everything.0:07:12 Daniel: Yes. What a perfect visual. Absolutely. And I think that's when I first met you was you were at that point. Dementors had sucked everything out of you.0:07:24 Evelyn: Yup.0:07:25 Daniel: You made a particularly interesting request, though, when you came and saw me. So this is much later, so in your mid-30s. So I think that's important. So for about 15 years since college.0:07:40 Evelyn: Yeah.0:07:41 Daniel: Were you on medication that whole time?0:07:44 Evelyn: Not the whole time, but I would say off and on.0:07:47 Daniel: Okay.0:07:47 Evelyn: A reasonable amount of the time.0:07:49 Daniel: And when you were on medication, it seemed like it was manageable?0:07:53 Evelyn: Mm-hmm.0:07:55 Daniel: And by the time you came and sought help from me, you were... If I remember right, you were not on medication.0:08:04 Evelyn: Yeah, I did try to not go on medication for a while.0:08:07 Daniel: That was a particular request you actually had.0:08:09 Evelyn: Mm-hmm.0:08:10 Daniel: You said, "I wanna try to do this without medication."0:08:12 Evelyn: Yes. I ultimately did go back on for some help with sleeping, but...0:08:19 Daniel: But for anxiety?0:08:21 Evelyn: Yeah, for anxiety I think I've made a lot of progress.0:08:23 Daniel: Yes.0:08:24 Evelyn: It still helps, but the biggest reason that I take some now is because it helps with sleep.0:08:30 Daniel: Yes. Well, and you're a new mother too, isn't it so?0:08:33 Evelyn: Well, that's true. Yes.0:08:35 Daniel: A lot of stress is going on. In fact, to that point, with all the stresses that you have, you've been married in the last two years.0:08:42 Evelyn: Mm-hmm.0:08:42 Daniel: You have a baby in your late 30s.0:08:47 Evelyn: Yep.0:08:47 Daniel: Later 30s. All these life changes. You became accustomed to living alone, or at least independently.0:08:58 Evelyn: Yes. Yes.0:09:00 Daniel: And so you have a lot of stresses in your life in your... I mean, yes, medication for sleeping, which, gosh, I'm on right now. Not to minimize at all what you're experiencing there. But even with all these major life changes, how would you say you're coping?0:09:16 Evelyn: Oh, much better.0:09:18 Daniel: Much better.0:09:18 Evelyn: Much better than I was.0:09:20 Daniel: So you eventually, in your mid-30s, you sought out help again. Had you see seen a therapist since college?0:09:28 Evelyn: Yes.0:09:29 Daniel: Yes, you have?0:09:30 Evelyn: Mm-hmm.0:09:30 Daniel: And I'm assuming it was somewhat helpful because you're coming again.0:09:33 Evelyn: Yeah. Absolutely.0:09:35 Daniel: And so you're in a new area, you're seeking some support here. Tell us about that. What was that experience like? You're having to reach out. Give me some emotions.0:09:45 Evelyn: Sure. I would say that when I've gone to see a therapist, it has helped. And so I would... I decided that when I reached a point in a new area, I needed to find someone to help me out because with the moving to a new place, it kind of pushed me backward to the point where I really wasn't coping well at all. So I decided that I needed to find somebody, and luckily, I'd met you.0:10:12 Daniel: Okay.0:10:12 Evelyn: So I asked you, and we started talking, and that was really helpful.0:10:21 Daniel: Well, it was interesting at the beginning. We were doing... So one of the first things we did was we tried to explore what's working. And we repeat those and we try to find ways to enhance that or build on the skills that you already knew how to do and do very well. In fact, I do recall a lot that you were, "Yep, familiar with this. I know how to do this." But what we were experiencing, yes, some of the anxiety was being manageable, but it wasn't getting to a point where you're okay. And correct me if I'm remembering incorrectly, it wasn't... We weren't making the progress that I think you were hoping for.0:11:02 Evelyn: Well, I think I kind of got to the point where I thought this is as good as it's gonna get.0:11:08 Daniel: Yes, yes.0:11:10 Evelyn: And I guess this is life. And that's okay. I mean, it's not too bad. I'll just have to do my best and take a day at a time.0:11:16 Daniel: Well, hold on a second. When you say, "It's not too bad," I think we need to put that in context. You've lived a life of anxiety, so you're not too bad. And yeah, don't let me misspeak. I don't wanna put words in your mouth. But I think... To some degree, I think you're minimizing it. You were struggling.0:11:35 Evelyn: Well, yes. I was struggling, but I guess I figured that we reached the point where I had gotten before, which was manageable.0:11:45 Daniel: Manageable. Okay.0:11:47 Evelyn: And figured that this was... What I was going to do was I was going to kind of do a cycle where I could manage it, and then maybe changes in life or something would happen that would increase the stress, and then I would go downhill, and then I would get some help, and then I would bring it back to manageable. And that would kind of be life. But that's as good as I could hope for, so I should make the best of it.0:12:13 Daniel: So what happened from there? Why didn't we just quit, say we succeeded and moved on?0:12:20 Evelyn: Well, that's a good question. I don't know. I think that you brought up some interesting points that I hadn't considered before, and at first I thought that they didn't have anything to do with me.0:12:34 Daniel: Tell us about those points. What points were we bringing up?0:12:37 Evelyn: Well, I remember you bringing up, at one point, just... Well, how do you feel about your sexual health? And I thought, "How should I know?" I think that's what I said. "How should I know?" I was single and being an active temple-attending member of the church. That meant that I didn't really have a sexual life. So it seemed like something that was disconnected.0:13:11 Daniel: It's interesting even now, when you recall this, and you're a lot more informed now, you went immediately to the sexual experiences. I'm not married.0:13:22 Evelyn: Right.0:13:23 Daniel: And so was it even on the forefront of your mind, sexual health, 'cause that was the question that was what was being explored, was much more than just physical intimacy with somebody else. And so even now when you're talking about it goes, you're recalling, right?0:13:40 Evelyn: Oh, yeah. I'm remembering that I didn't really see any other sides to the issue.0:13:46 Daniel: So what was that experience like, coming from your therapist, even a male therapist, what was your experience hearing it come out as even something to be suggested or thought about. And as again, as a male therapist, any thoughts or feelings around all that?0:14:03 Evelyn: I would say that initially I rejected it, and put it aside as something that didn't really apply to me, but it did plant some seeds of thought that I returned to on my own.0:14:21 Daniel: What prompted you to return to it? So that seed was planted.0:14:27 Evelyn: Well, I think one thing that prompted me to return to it was that I think in a session, I actually brought up the idea that I think that this is as good as it's gonna get. This is kind of what I live with, this is... This is how it's going to go, this is how my life's gonna go. And you said I don't buy that. And I thought, well, maybe you're wrong. [laughter]0:14:56 Daniel: You always told me you like forwardness, directness. So, yes, I thought there was much more potential there I didn't think we had to suffer with just manageable. So where did that take your thoughts?0:15:16 Evelyn: Well, I went home and I thought about it and I decided I wanted to give it a try. I guess if you always do what you've always done then you're gonna always get what you've always gotten. So...0:15:30 Daniel: Give what a try?0:15:33 Evelyn: Exploring other ideas, sexual health was one of them. But you did kind of bring up this idea of wholeness.0:15:41 Daniel: Yes.0:15:43 Evelyn: And that there's just so many sides of me as a person and to make some goals in all these different areas.0:15:51 Daniel: Yep, I think so, good memory on that. That's definitely what we do is try to approach it from a wholeness. All too often we get focused on, "Okay, I have anxiety. So just give me the skills and techniques to manage it."0:16:07 Evelyn: Exactly.0:16:08 Daniel: But if there's a possibility to... I'm not gonna say eliminate, I don't think we eliminate anxiety. Everybody experiences anxiety every day at some sort of level, but get to a point where you can actually be proactive about it, or thrive or get it to a point where the management is much, much less, and so we have to step outside of just the managing anxiety aspect, we have to focus on the mental, the spiritual, the physical side of this. And so I think I, well, I'm remembering this because it's a standard procedure I do, I think I even recommended, let's get your blood work done, let's get you... Make sure everything's fine physically, biologically, but this has been around for a long time, and so, this isn't a new... It wasn't like you're coming into a new biological stage of life, although that could have been possible, but we wanted to rule those things out. And so, one thing that you've never explored was that sexual aspect, is my sexual health good and can this be part of the problem?0:17:15 Evelyn: That one was brand new, and some of the other ones were not brand new. Thinking about them altogether was a little bit new, but I'd certainly worked on myself spiritually, I'd worked on myself mentally, I had focused on exercise, and eating right and I mean, all of those things were things that I had done before. Looking at it as a holistic perspective was a little bit different, but they weren't different ideas. It was the sexual health piece that was the different piece, and it felt like it didn't fit. But now when I look back, it feels like... It feels odd to assume that something that's so much an important part of myself would not be a puzzle piece whereas everything else would be, but it was the only piece of it that I had never explored before.0:18:06 Daniel: Looking back now, what do you think was making it feel like it didn't fit?0:18:12 Evelyn: I would say that I had worked pretty hard to make it not a part of myself.0:18:21 Daniel: Yes.0:18:22 Evelyn: And that was in an effort to be as good as possible.0:18:33 Daniel: Tell us more about that, what does that mean? So first of all, the fact that you're saying you worked as hard as you could for it not be a part of... I feel like there's some insinuation going on there. Was this something that you may have or tempted to be struggling with or tempted...0:18:49 Evelyn: I would say that I... Well, to go back when I was young, I discovered that I could stimulate myself.0:19:00 Daniel: How young are we talking about?0:19:00 Evelyn: Oh, maybe between 10 and 12.0:19:02 Daniel: Okay. Entering your teen years, yep, yep.0:19:05 Evelyn: So pretty young, accidentally... And explored it a little bit and...0:19:13 Daniel: Talking about masturbation?0:19:14 Evelyn: Yes. Didn't really have any idea of what I was doing, honestly. I went to youth meetings and things where they would tell you that you should not masturbate. And I didn't have any idea that these things were connected at all.0:19:37 Daniel: Oh, so in those youth meetings, you weren't realizing that's what was happening?0:19:40 Evelyn: Correct. I had no idea what masturbation really was.0:19:43 Daniel: You were just hearing this terminology and you were like, "Oh, okay, I'm not gonna do this."0:19:46 Evelyn: Yeah, absolutely not. It was clearly a bad thing, I was not gonna do it.0:19:50 Daniel: So at what point did you realize what you were doing between 10 and 12 was actually what they were saying don't do?0:19:57 Evelyn: Well, I did it occasionally.0:20:01 Daniel: In your teen years?0:20:02 Evelyn: In my teen years. It wasn't actually until I picked up a teen magazine that was sitting on a table at the library sometime around the age of maybe 14-15, something like that, that the magazine actually gave me a clear enough definition of masturbation that I was able to make the connection.0:20:22 Daniel: Interesting. So, what were you experiencing when you had that connection?0:20:26 Evelyn: I was devastated, I was completely devastated. And...0:20:31 Daniel: About how old were you at this time?0:20:34 Evelyn: I would say maybe 15.0:20:37 Speaker 1: 15. Pretty young.0:20:39 Evelyn: So I just... I felt incredibly ashamed and that I had managed to do something so terrible without even realizing that I was doing it.0:20:50 Daniel: So how did you respond to that?0:20:55 Evelyn: I think that's when I started to try to avoid any...0:21:02 Daniel: It became an active suppressing.0:21:06 Evelyn: Yes, yeah, that was when I kind of began the process of trying to avoid any accidental, 'cause I did my best to avoid any masturbation, but I also tried to avoid any reading something that might accidentally make my mind go that direction. I mean, I was really working hard.0:21:30 Daniel: Totally shut it off?0:21:32 Evelyn: Mm-hmm. Yes.0:21:34 Daniel: And in all intents and purposes, that's really what the ideal was communicated in these youth meetings, don't stim... I mean, for the strength of youth, right?0:21:40 Evelyn: Yes.0:21:40 Daniel: And so you've spent from 15 on when you discovered, made the connection with this magazine, and your behavior and these youth meetings. Well, was there any kind of formal repentance or did you discuss this with leadership?0:21:57 Evelyn: Not at that point, but I did about when I was a freshman in college. So about the age of 17.0:22:04 Daniel: Is that because you were struggling with it or...0:22:06 Evelyn: Yeah, I would say I hadn't been able to 100% cut it off, so I didn't...0:22:12 Daniel: But this wasn't like a daily thing for you, it was like...0:22:15 Evelyn: No.0:22:16 Daniel: Once in a blue moon kind of.0:22:16 Evelyn: It was occasional. Yeah. It was occasional.0:22:18 Daniel: Wanting to clear the air with the bishop.0:22:21 Evelyn: Or, and sometimes it wasn't even physical stimulation, maybe it was just mental. My thoughts might go a different direction, but I would find myself feeling stimulated so it wasn't...0:22:30 Daniel: So when you say you worked hard.0:22:32 Evelyn: I did.0:22:32 Daniel: Not only your sexual arousal but your thoughts, your feelings, all around it.0:22:37 Evelyn: Well I... Yeah, I felt that sometimes I would have thoughts that would lead me toward arousal, and I would feel some physical response, thoughts that I was having or something that I might read or anything like that. And so I...0:22:54 Daniel: So you're a completely different person today because I remember when you first would even start to... I don't even think you would say the word masturbation.0:23:03 Evelyn: No, I didn't say the word masturbation for a long time.0:23:06 Daniel: Even I think maybe eventually you did with me. I don't remember exactly the timeline, but even your mind going there, there was a clear anxiety being provoked.0:23:17 Evelyn: Oh, very much so, yes.0:23:19 Daniel: And did you notice that at the time or was that even something that you were physically aware that was happening? You literally really physically changed.0:23:28 Evelyn: Yeah, I think I'm aware of it. Yeah.0:23:31 Daniel: Prior to 15, I realize we're going back 15, 20 years. Do you feel like before you made this discovery, that you were masturbating, that your anxiety was as severe?0:23:48 Evelyn: It was not. However, I couldn't necessarily say whether that was because of this discovery.0:23:55 Daniel: Absolutely, and I wanna be careful with that...0:23:57 Evelyn: 'Cause I think it...0:24:00 Daniel: Again, 15-20 years ago, we don't know.0:24:00 Evelyn: Right. I think it grew for who knows how many different factors.0:24:05 Daniel: As you're entering puberty too, that's... Or you're well into puberty. Yeah. So all these feelings are coming up which could add to... So yeah, clear, I'm not making any... I can't go there and say that was the cause of it. But now you're in your 20s, you're in your 30s, you've spent 15-20 years going on and off medication, managing. Now we start to explore this. And one thing I really appreciated about you is usually I have a... My clients fall into one of maybe three different categories: One, when we explore... I have seven principles that I explore and that includes mental health, spiritual health, physical health, sexual health, so forth. And usually when we get to the sexual health part, especially with single adults, I get one of maybe three different reactions, one is, oh, no, they never even... Even just mentioning, how is your sexual health? It's very rare, but sometimes I get them... They'll never even come back.0:25:07 Daniel: So I'll get some people who are like, okay, whatever it takes, and then we get people that I think are more like you. I need to think about this. And I really, really value that, because that's part of therapy is getting you to be that individual and you have no problem with differentiating from other people, and so that didn't surprise me, but the thought process, both spiritual and mental, that you put into it was impressive, and I admired, I fully admired how you approach this. You didn't just say, "Whatever you say, Dan. Let's figure this out," and for you as somebody who wanted to get rid of your anxiety, you didn't just jump on and say... So tell us... I'll stop talking there, but you tell us what that process was like from your end. That's what I observed.0:26:00 Evelyn: Okay, sure. Well, after I kind of went through college, when I didn't see a bishop and talked through everything and then no more, I'd really cut off that part of myself as much as possible. No, sexuality is not really a part of who I am. I need to focus on the spiritual, I need to focus on the mental, I can focus on the physical. Those are all okay, but this other part is something that I'm just saving for until after I'm married. Then we came to the point where you brought it up and asked me to make a goal and I started very small.0:26:45 Daniel: Yes.0:26:46 Evelyn: I said I will think about it. I will think about sex for a few minutes. I feel comfortable going that far, but thinking about it started me wondering if there might be something that was missing in my life, and I still didn't connect it to anxiety, not really, but I thought as long as I was working on everything else, maybe I would continue to work in this area as well, and...0:27:22 Daniel: What started to happen? So we're talking about, and I put a timeline in just to give an appreciation, it's not that it was fast or slow or anything like that, but we're talking about months. You were taking...0:27:38 Evelyn: It started to happen, yeah.0:27:40 Daniel: Yeah, so what was the process? You started...0:27:42 Evelyn: Okay.0:27:42 Daniel: So let's explain the thinking about sex a little bit more there. The goal there, do you recall what it was? I'm not, I don't mean to put you on the spot.0:27:52 Evelyn: Do I recall what it was? I remember that there was a goal in every area, and that the one that I felt like I could do was I would think about this issue.0:28:00 Daniel: Being aware of your own sexuality, what are your own desires and thoughts, getting... So the goal was to get in tune, in connection with yourself, your sexual identity, what does that look like? And what does that feel like? And so you started to explore that a little bit more.0:28:19 Evelyn: Yeah, and it was not fast at, it was not a fast process for me, but what I started to notice was that beginning to recognize this piece of myself changed. The first thing I think I noticed it changing was my interactions with other people. I started to feel more open and able to communicate with people. I had a roommate, we'd lived together for some time and we got along reasonably well, but we were just roommates. I mean, kind of ships passing in the night, and one day I started talking with her and our relationship began to grow and to change. And...0:29:13 Daniel: You talking, you mean just casual conversations.0:29:16 Evelyn: At first, yeah, but then eventually, we started talking about deeper things, and discovering that we had more in common than we thought.0:29:26 Daniel: I think it's important, I think you, we alluded to it with the anxiety but part of this, I think the audience should understand is how much of an introvert you are.0:29:35 Evelyn: Oh, very.0:29:36 Daniel: And so just talking with your roommate, you liked your roommate, this had nothing to do with personalities or anything, just you're on probably the higher end of being an introvert than most introverts. And so just having this conversation, how do you feel that was connected to your exploring your sexuality?0:29:55 Evelyn: Well, at the time, I didn't understand it at all, it didn't make sense to me, it was just an observation. So if we're kind of going on the journey, at the time I was noticing that this was happening more and more, but I wasn't clear how it connected.0:30:18 Daniel: So at this time, you're not masturbating, you're...0:30:20 Evelyn: No, just thinking.0:30:20 Daniel: Just explain... What is my sexual identity. Let's just call it that, and doing that, opening that up was starting to allow you to open up to other people.0:30:37 Evelyn: If I'm going to reflect from a position of having travelled a long way from where I was.0:30:44 Daniel: Yes.0:30:45 Evelyn: I think it has something to do with that wholeness piece. There was a part of myself that I was hiding and I was hiding it even from myself. That was my goal, was to hide it even from myself, and because I was hiding it, I felt vulnerable so much of the time, I felt so nervous and yes, I am an introvert and that hasn't changed.0:31:13 Daniel: No.0:31:14 Evelyn: I will continue to be one. But I was so afraid of being found out almost that I had this piece of myself, that was hidden and I...0:31:26 Daniel: Your sexual self.0:31:27 Evelyn: Right. But it's not like I could have pinpointed that that was why I was nervous in any way, but I think that the fact that I was fragmenting myself a little bit, and keeping...0:31:40 Daniel: That's a great way to say it, yeah.0:31:42 Evelyn: Keeping a part of myself away even from me, increased my anxiety and increased the difficulty that I had interacting with people, I was always so nervous, I was very hypersensitive about the reactions that other people were giving me. And anything that seemed negative I took on myself very, very deeply, and...0:32:08 Daniel: We're talking like at work, your social life, at church events, every interaction, even talking with your roommate, you're...0:32:17 Evelyn: Yeah, I was always looking for any negative signs, anything that was wrong, and trying to fit myself into something that would never, ever receive a negative, negative feedback of any kind from anybody, which is so hard to do that pretty much it involved trying to avoid interactions.0:32:37 Daniel: Absolutely. So tell us more. You're starting to explore your sexual identity. Now that you're looking back, you didn't know at the time how or why that would have a positive impact on even your interaction and in minimizing this.0:32:53 Evelyn: I found it confusing, honestly.0:32:54 Daniel: So what did you do with that confusion?0:32:56 Evelyn: Well, I felt like I don't know why this is working, but it seems to be.0:33:05 Daniel: So you were seeing results.0:33:06 Evelyn: Yes, I was seeing results.0:33:07 Daniel: Right.0:33:07 Evelyn: I was seeing positive interactions. I was finding myself... I mean, I bring up the roommate, but there were other indications too. I mean, at work, I found myself willing to step forward a little bit more and disagree with people at times and tell them things that I thought as opposed to what I thought they were looking for.0:33:28 Daniel: This was an impressive time, because your anxiety for the first time that we're seeing wasn't just managed and reduced, your confidence was increasing.0:33:36 Evelyn: Right. Yeah. I felt very different. I have a sister-in-law that I've come to have quite a good relationship with at this point, but I will say that the first, quite a lot of years of my brother's marriage to her, I was terrified of her, because she has a tendency to give negative feedback unintentionally.0:33:58 Daniel: She was feeding the cycle.0:34:00 Evelyn: Yeah. So, I mean, I just thought she hated me. Every time I was in the room, I would just feel... My heart would be pounding and my stomach would be tight and I would be so nervous, because I felt like there was no way that I could get the right feedback from her, and I found myself... She came in one day and said something, and I could have easily taken it the wrong way, and I thought, "I don't think she means anything by that."0:34:25 Daniel: Interesting.0:34:27 Evelyn: And just kind of let it go, and opened the door to actually having a positive relationship with her, because I was no longer living in this place where I was always, always worried about what other people thought of me.0:34:46 Daniel: So why didn't you end it there? You got success you haven't had before. What made you go to the next step?0:34:55 Evelyn: Well, I would say that the first thing that made me go the next step was that you suggested that I might wanna consider masturbation. And I thought that was a terrible idea.[laughter]0:35:08 Daniel: What was going through... In this experience, what was happening?0:35:13 Evelyn: Well, you mentioned it and I...0:35:17 Daniel: Now, let's be clear, I wanna... For the audience to understand it. This wasn't, "Go home and do this."0:35:23 Evelyn: No.0:35:24 Daniel: So, what was the invitation, do you recall?0:35:27 Evelyn: I think you said something like, "Have you ever considered or tried masturbation? Has that ever been a part of your exploration?" I don't remember your words exactly, but it was somewhere along those lines.0:35:44 Daniel: Yup. And I think that was pretty close, 'cause at that point where I started to see more anxiety come up from what we know now, was from your teenage years and it's like, "Woah," so that seed was planted, what happened from there?0:36:00 Evelyn: Well, I didn't wanna dismiss it out of hand, because I was interacting with someone that I had respect for, and that I had seen positive success from what we'd been working on so far. At the same time, I was pretty terrified that it might destroy my relationship with my Heavenly Father, because that always has been and remains one of the most important relationships in my life.0:36:34 Daniel: And still is.0:36:35 Evelyn: Yeah, and still is. And I wanted to make sure that I didn't ever engage in anything that would impact that negatively. So, I was kind of torn between this fear of harming that relationship, and considering the progress that I've made.0:37:03 Daniel: Yes.0:37:03 Evelyn: And that trusting you in the past had led to some positive things.0:37:09 Daniel: You were trusting yourself.0:37:12 Evelyn: And that's true, I was. But it was your idea that I should explore sexual health in some way.0:37:20 Daniel: That's correct.[chuckle]0:37:23 Evelyn: So, I did have that on my mind too. So trying to balance those things, I went back and forth a lot. And...0:37:35 Daniel: What does back and forth mean? What were you doing...0:37:38 Evelyn: Back and forth as in, "Maybe I should try this, wonder what would happen, I wonder how that would impact me? Nope, never gonna do it. Nope, that would be a terrible thing."0:37:48 Daniel: Talk about your relationship with the Lord in this process, how did you include or not include Him?0:37:58 Evelyn: I definitely prayed, and my prayer was something along the lines of help me not do something that I will regret, and help me let... Help let me know if I'm going to do something that would be detrimental to our relationship. So there were a lot of prayers like that. I would say, I didn't feel a lot one way or the other at that point, as far as an answer to that prayer.0:38:26 Daniel: Was that confusing to you?0:38:29 Evelyn: Not terribly. I think that I've gotten some clear answers in my life and a lot of times that I've been encouraged to figure things out myself.0:38:40 Daniel: So is that what you did?0:38:45 Evelyn: Yeah, at least at that moment, and what I did...0:38:47 Daniel: So, what... Yup.0:38:49 Evelyn: Was I decided I was not going to masturbate, and I came back and I told you that. And I felt wonderful.0:39:02 Daniel: Yes, you did, you were glowing.0:39:06 Evelyn: And... Yeah.0:39:07 Daniel: I remember that, and I praised you for that. What was the focus of my praise? Do you recall?0:39:15 Evelyn: I don't recall.0:39:16 Daniel: You made the decision.0:39:18 Evelyn: Well, that's... I mean, I think that that for me was the thing that I came to. Yeah, I mean, it was the first decision I had ever really made, sexually, in my life.0:39:30 Daniel: Yes. That's exactly right. And that was one of the indicators to me, 'cause as you're just talking about a lot of your life, your lot of... What was feeding your anxiety was what... The impressions of what other people were having on you or at least your interpretation of their responses to you.0:39:48 Evelyn: Yes.0:39:50 Daniel: And...0:39:51 Evelyn: A lot of it was interpretation.0:39:53 Daniel: And what you were just saying also about me, you respected me, both as a... And that's something I take... I don't take lightly, as a therapist, and... Especially within our faith, how do we guide individuals to healthy living while also maintaining their level of faith, their love of God, and supporting them in those areas of their life? And you didn't just do this because I recommended it. You came back with a decision, you prayed about it, you pondered about it, you researched about it, and you came in and you were glowing. Now, this was your choice, and that was amazing.0:40:41 Evelyn: Yeah. Yeah, the making of the choice was a claiming of my agency in regards to sexuality that I had never made before. Everything I'd done prior to that point was an effort to please somebody else, really.0:41:02 Daniel: Even suppressing your sexual health?0:41:04 Evelyn: Yes, yes.0:41:07 Daniel: That is huge. And I can't... I mean, we're exploring this in the environment of the therapeutic office, but I had seen this, this wasn't a new occurrence, I had seen this over and over, where people had abandoned their agency around their sexual health and the same or similar things occurred. So this was not new to me, but to see it come out of you was just this light bulb moment. So, what did we do from there? What's... We were done with therapy, right? You were perfect, you're healthy.0:41:43 Evelyn: Yeah, isn't that great?[chuckle]0:41:45 Daniel: And end of story, right?[chuckle]0:41:47 Evelyn: Of course. [chuckle] Well, I mean, what you did at that point was say, "Okay, that's your decision. Go with that."0:41:57 Daniel: Yes.0:42:00 Evelyn: But I kind of continued to think about it, and I think that I felt so freed by the fact that I owned this part of myself, that I...0:42:16 Daniel: Was it scary owning it?0:42:20 Evelyn: No, actually.0:42:23 Daniel: That's interesting. The audience can't see her, she's glowing right now [chuckle] when she responds to that. [chuckle] Tell us more about that. Why was that not scary? This thing was scary all your life.0:42:37 Evelyn: It was scary on my life and I thought it would be scary, you know? I mean, I thought it would be terrifying, because it had worried me so much, and had been... I mean, I would have such a physical response even to the word masturbation, if anyone else ever said it, I would just feel... I would kind of start to sweat and I'd feel my stomach tighten up and I'd feel just... All my muscles kind of get tight, which was why I couldn't say it. I would dance around the term as much as possible. It was so frightening to me and yet when I made that decision, I was very nervous to tell you. I'll tell you that. I mean, when I came in...0:43:27 Daniel: I noticed and I...0:43:28 Evelyn: Yeah.[chuckle]0:43:28 Daniel: Absolutely. Hopefully I came across very respectful?0:43:32 Evelyn: You did, you did. But I mean, that part was nervous...0:43:34 Daniel: Of course.0:43:36 Evelyn: But nerve-racking, but when I made the decision and then when I moved on to owning it, it lost its fear. I mean, I lost so much fear around that, and I gained so much confidence to make decisions in other areas of my life too, I think.0:43:58 Daniel: How much of that was or was any of it, the fact that you're working with a male therapist or was it just the nature of the topic? Did me being a male therapist enhance that nervousness?0:44:12 Evelyn: Well, probably. Yeah, it probably did.0:44:15 Daniel: How did you navigate that or how did you resolve that? Or was it a factor that you felt like you had to address?0:44:24 Evelyn: I didn't really resolve or address. I think it probably did increase my anxiety a bit around it, made it more nerve-racking than it would have been with a woman, but I didn't really... I mean, it wasn't so overwhelming that I really had resolve it, I think.0:44:46 Daniel: The ability to speak it, to vocalize it was freeing.0:44:50 Evelyn: Yes, it really was.0:44:54 Daniel: So you made your decision, you are... You have no need to masturbate, you owned it, your health was improved and we were done with therapy.0:45:05 Evelyn: No, no, we weren't.[laughter]0:45:07 Daniel: So take it to the next step, what's happening?0:45:13 Evelyn: So the next step was continuing. I continued to work on some of those goals, I was thinking, I was reading, I was studying, I was considering and pondering and praying, and all of those kinds of things, and then I really felt like, actually, I do wanna understand my body, I wanna understand my desire, I want to better understand this whole piece of myself and I made the decision that I did want to try masturbation.0:45:48 Daniel: I want the audience to understand how thorough you are, 'cause if somebody doesn't know you and hearing what you just said, you continued to think about it. They don't understand how much of a... Exaggeration, that is.0:46:07 Evelyn: Think about it for me.0:46:09 Daniel: You read every book there was.0:46:11 Evelyn: I did, yeah.0:46:12 Daniel: You scoured the internet, you... Both religious materials, sexual health, you picked up books like And They Were Not Ashamed and you dove right in.0:46:24 Evelyn: Read about half a dozen different books cover to cover.0:46:27 Daniel: You're taking the doctrine covenants to heart, read and study and ponder. So I think it's important for the audience, because they don't know you. And so when I hear that you're pondering this, I know that you are diving and this is beyond just thinking.0:46:42 Evelyn: I am a researcher.0:46:44 Daniel: Yes, you are.0:46:45 Evelyn: When I got a cat about 15 years ago or so, I spent a good three days researching all the different names that I might actually name the cat before coming to a decision. If anyone wants to know what product that they should buy that I've already bought, they just ask me, because I have done all the research, I have read 15 different articles, about the 10 best and then looked at what they all had in common and then compared the pros and cons. I am an extremely careful person.0:47:19 Daniel: So you went into this well aware of what the church leadership, what the culture is, what you've read, but you're feeling that this... I'm gonna put the word positive desire, or desire to explore this, and when I say desire, it's not just arousal desire. Go ahead, tell us more about that.0:47:45 Evelyn: I would say it wasn't arousal desire at that point, it was a desire for increased understanding. That's what I was looking for was a fuller understanding of myself, and I prayed more and again, there was a lot of I'm feeling good about this decision, and if it's not right, please help me to know that. I really, I really didn't take it lightly.0:48:20 Daniel: Yeah, so what was your answer, what did you end up doing?0:48:29 Evelyn: I felt good about it, and so I decided that I would try masturbation and see what happened, and so I did and I felt that understanding, what I was looking for, I felt more in tune with myself, and it wasn't even primarily arousal, it was more that this was a better knowledge of who I am as a person. This is what my body can do, this is the gifts that I've been given, this is... This whole body is a gift and I would like to understand it better. And now I do. So that was, that was more what it was about for me, I think, than it was arousal and orgasm, it was who am I? And I did feel like I developed my relationship with myself.0:49:39 Daniel: What... I realize you're not even thinking about this, but I know the audience is listening and wondering maybe pornography was not involved.0:49:50 Evelyn: No.0:49:51 Daniel: This is a self-understanding. This was so huge. You connected with yourself, with the Spirit. I don't wanna misuse any terminology here, but you seem to increase in your wellness.0:50:13 Evelyn: Yeah, I would say that... I wouldn't go so far as to say that masturbation was in and of itself a spiritual experience for me. However, what I would say is that as I became more aware of myself that led to things in my life that led to increased spirituality. For example, the appreciation of my body and of the gift that I have received through my body, what I found myself doing was becoming offended by TV shows that made light of sexuality, that had previously not had that impact on me. Previously, I could watch these shows, they really kind of just... Some of these jokes just washed over me. It was just the way that jokes are, and yet suddenly they were bothering me more because they were making light of this thing that was a gift, and so I began to change my media habits and that kind of thing I do think led to overall increased spirituality for me.0:51:28 Daniel: You're being able to own your own sexuality, you start to have more confidence around people interacting and socializing more, now understanding your physical self, your sexual self physically, you're starting to have a more profound appreciation for how sex is represented in media, that is profound, that is a response that you... I don't think everybody has that response. And I don't wanna set this up as though you go out and masturbate, and you're gonna reject all forms of unhealthy sex. But this is key. This is, I think, part of your personality and was part of your healing and growing into your whole self, and that was a part of your personality you don't want to be exposed to that, you want to appreciate what God has given you. And the media was a distraction to that. Am I understanding that right?0:52:28 Evelyn: Yeah, I would say that, yeah, that's pretty solid. I think it was, for me personally, in my experience, it was before the different little jokes and things like that. They didn't mean anything to me because it wasn't even...0:52:51 Daniel: On your radar.0:52:53 Evelyn: A part of me. But now suddenly it was a part of me, it was impacting me and I felt like I needed to make those changes, so certainly not something I would expect of everybody, but in my personal journey, that's how it went.0:53:08 Daniel: So, you're emotionally understanding your sexual health, you're physically understanding it, now we're good. Your life is great, is that true?0:53:18 Evelyn: Well, my life is different.0:53:20 Daniel: It is different. I think there was some more progress going on there and some new skills that you were learning.0:53:29 Evelyn: Well, I'll insert another person at this point, which is that this is about the point that I met my husband, and I think that this process kind of prepared me for meeting him, because I was able to talk to him. We were able to discuss things. When we started, I was more comfortable, I was less concerned about what he was thinking about me than I had been in previous relationships where, who knows if they might have worked out or not otherwise, but one reason they definitely weren't going to work out was because I wasn't myself in them, I was too concerned about the way I was being perceived, so I'd reached the point where I was not feeling that in that same way, it was more like, "This is who I am. And let's see if we happen to be compatible and if we're not, it's not a judgement on me, you can go find somebody else."0:54:35 Daniel: You were much more relaxed about this relationship.0:54:37 Evelyn: So more relaxed, yes, than I had been in previous relationships.0:54:42 Daniel: It's interesting 'cause I can't recall if we've ever had this conversation, because I was on the outside looking at as you're sharing your meeting your now husband, and I was wondering the same things, if this, if your ability to understand yourself was helping. It seems like it would be logical, but not necessarily, it doesn't always happen this way, but that was transferring well into your relationship with him.0:55:07 Evelyn: It was... Yeah, I think the biggest one really was that I liked myself. Not every single tiny little bit of myself.0:55:18 Daniel: But you valued...0:55:20 Evelyn: But in general. I thought I was...0:55:22 Daniel: You were no more rejecting parts of yourself.0:55:24 Evelyn: Yeah, exactly.0:55:25 Daniel: And the things that you were not liking, because this isn't about liking every single thing about you. I think that's a beautiful thing if you can do that. Reality is, we're human and we're imperfect and there's gonna be things about ourselves that we don't always love. And you were able to acknowledge those parts without shaming it, without suppressing it, including... I'm talking other things besides just the sexual health part. And so that was making you a more whole person able to interact with your now husband better.0:55:58 Daniel: Definitely. So we got to know each other and we went from levels of just getting to know each other to having more deep conversations. I felt like I was able to be more vulnerable, and he was too. And then we were eventually able to talk about some of these issues, and that also brought us closer and helped me.0:56:26 Daniel: You mean before you married? Are you talking about your issues around anxiety and using masturbation as a coping mechanism, or understanding...0:56:37 Evelyn: Not really a coping mechanism, but that I had had anxiety, that I'd tried different things, we talked about that. We did talk about sexuality before marriage.0:56:47 Daniel: Which is something you would never done before.0:56:49 Evelyn: No, I really wouldn't have, I don't think I would have been able to, but I had the vocabulary, and this wasn't like early in our relationship.0:56:58 Daniel: No, no, no, you guys were... This was clearly at a point that you guys were committed.0:57:03 Evelyn: Yes. Before we discussed, anything that deep, but...0:57:08 Daniel: So at this point, let's backtrack just a little bit here. With the use of masturbation, was this a one or two time occurrence, or was this something that you now incorporated into a healthy routine or part of your life? What was it for you?0:57:25 Evelyn: I'm gonna say somewhere in between those two. It wasn't something that was a routine. Every so often I would masturbate but I wasn't afraid of that either. And so at times I would choose to do that.0:57:45 Daniel: You recognized the benefits and you were able to use it as... Is that fair to say?0:57:50 Evelyn: Yeah. Yeah, I think that's here to say.0:57:53 Daniel: So, the reason when I bring that up, is you now have this additional tool, if you will, in your skill set and understanding yourself and also addressing anxiety. I'm going to assume, I know, but you're dating your husband. How is the stress level? How's your anxiety? Does it ever spike again or what do you deal... How do you deal with your anxiety?0:58:21 Evelyn: I would say that when we got really close to getting married, I got really anxious. Luckily, I was able to talk about it because I have a husband who's really good at communicating and so he is able to ask me about things, and then I was able to tell him, so I was able to talk about how I was feeling, and the communication reduced my anxiety.0:58:51 Daniel: Which is something you wouldn't have done before, talk, you would have...0:58:55 Evelyn: Talking was not one of my management strategies for anxiety.0:59:02 Daniel: Even though you knew it would help. So that was one of the things that you struggled with. But being able to have the confidence now, and reduced anxiety, or at least anxiety to a level that you can now engage in that conversation, but your pattern in the past was to shut down, become more independent. And would you... In the past, how would you have handled that fear of getting married, how would that have played out?0:59:32 Evelyn: Okay, well, I would have run away. And I guess I wanna correct the no talking, because it's not that I wouldn't talk to anybody, but I wouldn't talk to the person.0:59:45 Daniel: Yes, a good clarification, yes.0:59:48 Evelyn: And I would just run and hide. When I was in college I knew where all of the women's bathrooms were that were really comfortable and had couches in them, because should I be avoiding someone who I was dating who was causing me anxiety, I would spend a lot of time there, because I knew that that was not a place they would go. So running away was a strategy that I used and would probably have been what I would have done. Just run away.1:00:21 Daniel: So you got married?1:00:22 Evelyn: I did.1:00:23 Daniel: Yes, and now, you're having sex?1:00:30 Evelyn: Uh-huh.1:00:32 Daniel: How did the things you learned before marriage help you or not help you in your sex life?1:00:39 Evelyn: Oh, boy, they helped me, but there was a long way to go.1:00:45 Daniel: So it wasn't automatic, you now...1:00:47 Evelyn: No way.1:00:49 Daniel: And part of this also is you're learning yourself in a later phase of your life, and so this is... Even if you're learning earlier on there's no comparison to having another intimate person in your sexual life. And so as much as you're comfortable tell us about the... What are some obstacles you had to face and how did you use these skills to help you through it?1:01:14 Evelyn: Okay, well, the major obstacle that we ran into was that sex was very painful for me. And I think that if I had not had the experiences prior to marriage that I had, I would have had no idea what to do from there. I would either have completely cut off sex and decided that that was not something we could do, or honestly, more likely I would have continued to say yes but absolutely hated it and felt every experience being something that pushed me farther away rather than bringing me closer to my husband.1:02:03 Daniel: So you mentioned painful sex?1:02:05 Evelyn: Yes.1:02:06 Daniel: You later found out through a medical check-up what that was and something that a lot of people still don't understand. Do you mind talking about that?1:02:13 Evelyn: No, I don't mind at all. I guess this goes back to how my prior experiences helped me, because I was willing to talk about it and so we had a lot of conversations, my husband and I, and I really felt committed to figuring out what was going on, and part of that was going to see the doctor. So I made an appointment with my OBGYN.1:02:37 Daniel: You knew something was wrong, whereas before, you may not have, you just might have thought, "Okay, this is just what sex is."1:02:44 Evelyn: Yeah, I might have. I mean, that would have been devastating, but yeah, I might have, but I did know that wasn't what it was supposed to be like, and I went and I spoke with the doctor, and she did some checking, and she said that I had vaginismus and she prescribed some physical therapy, so I was able to go and work with a physical therapist weekly for several months.1:03:20 Daniel: These involved dilators?1:03:20 Evelyn: Mm-hmm. Yeah, we did dilators, we did massage, which not as fun as the other kind of massage, sorry, but was helpful. [chuckle]1:03:30 Daniel: Not With a physical therapist. But it was helpful.1:03:34 Evelyn: It was helpful.1:03:35 Daniel: Joking aside, it was helpful.1:03:37 Evelyn: All joking aside, it was helpful, because I started to gradually get to work on the physical part. I didn't enjoy using the dilators at all.1:03:48 Daniel: No. I can't even imagine.1:03:49 Evelyn: Not very fun, but I could put on a TV show or something like that, and distract myself a little bit.1:03:56 Daniel: So the physical therapist... Way to be, way to order support there. The dilators, the physical therapist, did that help resolve the pain?1:04:10 Evelyn: It definitely made significant progress toward it, but it was incomplete without the communication.1:04:17 Daniel: Was masturbation involved in this at all?1:04:21 Evelyn: Little bit, yeah.1:04:22 Daniel: So in your marriage, you're using masturbation.1:04:25 Evelyn: Well, what I used it for, I would say at that point, was to assist me with the physical therapy.1:04:32 Daniel: Yes. That would make sense.1:04:35 Evelyn: Because it did help there.1:04:35 Daniel: Warm things up. Yeah.1:04:37 Evelyn: Yeah, exactly.1:04:39 Daniel: What about other times in your marriage, do you... Was masturbation used as a...1:04:45 Evelyn: Hasn't been, really. Not that it never would be, but we've done other things.1:04:51 Daniel: Good.[chuckle]1:04:57 Evelyn: I feel like the physical aspects were part of it, and so I was able to work on those, but the other piece of it that was really important was being able to work on the psychological and talk and go slow and be patient and enjoy whatever it is that we can enjoy, what pieces of it, as we continue to develop.1:05:23 Daniel: Evelyn, you've been so open here, and I assure you there are many listening to this who maybe even in tears, just feeling comforted from the words that you're using. Is there any, as we're wrapping up here, any advice that you would specifically give young women maybe who were in your shoes as a teenager or currently are, or anyone, what advice would you give?1:05:54 Evelyn: Well, I think something that I would like to have been able to tell my younger self is that, that feeling arousal is something that happens to people, and I felt so alone because of the way that it was being talked about, and I don't want to villainize any of the wonderful people that I got to work with as a youth, because they were incredible leaders. They touched my life and they blessed my life in so many ways, and they were absolutely doing the best that they could. Having said that, though, no one ever told me that feeling arousal is something that people experience and that it is not a sin, and it's just something that happens because that's the way we're built.1:06:58

In our last episode, Anarie shares her experience with betrayal trauma. At the end of the interview, I had stopped the recording just before she made another important and insightful comment. She apologized for not having a “success” story. Knowing that comment would lead to a valuable conversation I asked to continue recording and if I could share that conversation with the audience.This episode picks up right after Anarie’s success comment and contains our real-time conversation on the definition of success. Within this episode, Anarie mentions my divorce which I have written about here.Anarie also mentions she found comfort around how I have defined therapeutic success. This comment was in reference to a comment I made within my Facebook group, on this post.That comment was as follows: “Thank you so much for posting this, I actually have a podcast planned on this very topic. I don't have much time to thoroughly address this topic, but there are a few problems here. However, before I share my concerns; there are many amazing therapists out there who give everything they have and have been instrumental in saving marriages. Now the problems with some therapists: 1) This is a complicated one, and unless you've trained to become a therapist and tried to make a living solely as a therapist, it’s difficult to understand. But the education system, career path to therapy is completely unsupportive of private practice. 2) The stats (and MHO, and a problem with Gottman) is the stats are stupid and measuring the wrong outcomes. You don't measure success on marriages "saved". This is potentially ethically wrong. I've worked with too many therapists who attempt to "save" marriages even in abuse. My job as a marriage therapist isn't to "save" or end a marriage. But to guide, support two individuals to healthy living and how to navigate the differences in loving and supportive ways. Sometimes that's separation. Too many therapists enable unhealthy relationships to "save" a marriage, so not good.3) Kind of related to number one. There are occasional exceptions, but marriage therapy shouldn't go beyond a year or two at the most. Ideally 1-12 months, with follow-ups as needed. Any longer is indicative of individuals' needs for underlying mental health issues that would do best treated in individual counseling. One of the first things I tell my clients is I’m working my self out of a job from day one. After about 6 months we revisit and if progress isn't made I may make suggestions for alternative treatment or therapist. Which leads me to 4...4) Why is it such a concern therapist are working with couples for a decade or more? Two reasons; enabling and the therapist becomes part of the family system. 5) Clients are not adequately informed by the therapist or what therapy is for. Too many spouses arrive at therapy to convenience the other that they are wrong. They use the therapist to get the other to change, without changing themselves. This is called triangulating. There are many great therapists out there, but we need to do a better job at communicating the purpose of therapy, the therapist role, and the client's role. Podcast Transcript:[music]00:05 Voice Over: Welcome to Improving Intimacy, a podcast to help single and married Latter-day Saints strengthen their family connections and marriages. Daniel A. Burgess is the host of Improving Intimacy. Daniel's a marriage and family therapist, father, husband, and author. Here's Daniel on this episode of Improving Intimacy.00:26 Daniel: Welcome to another episode of Improving Intimacy. On today's episode, I wanna take a few minutes and share with you a discussion I had with our last interview, Anarie. In our last episode, we talked about her experiences around betrayal trauma and what it was like to go through treatment. And at the end of our interview, I had turned off the recording and she had made a comment, and that comment was, "I'm sorry, this isn't a success story." I asked for permission to continue recording and to share the conversation that you're about to hear, so that's what this is. What does it mean to be successful in our journey? And I think you'll find this enlightening. I hope you enjoy.01:12 ANARIE: I really wished that it could be like...01:14 Daniel: How are you not a success story?01:15 ANARIE: Well, I know I am, I appreciated what you said somewhere, [01:22] ____ I saw you say somewhere, about how we define success in therapy. That was like really validating for me. But I know a lot of people in the middle of betrayal trauma wanna listen to the success stories, it resulted in connection. And I do believe that LifeSTAR, I know there are successes that come out of LifeSTAR, mine didn't, and I feel like I'm getting clear all the time on like why it didn't, but...01:43 Daniel: Wait, wait, wait. I think you and I are on the same page, but...01:47 ANARIE: Okay.01:47 Daniel: When you say success, you mean you didn't get a divorce?01:53 ANARIE: Well, yeah, yeah. It would have been successful if he and I had successfully connected and I had a great marriage now.02:00 Daniel: But it's so... Sorry, not but...02:01 ANARIE: But I couldn't control, I couldn't control his side of things.02:04 Daniel: The interesting thing about differentiation though is that it will sometimes lead to divorce, because you are recognizing the need to be an individual in the relationship and the other person can't.02:19 ANARIE: Yeah, yeah. And that's the better outcome.02:22 Daniel: Yes.02:23 ANARIE: That divorce is a better outcome and not the situation. But... So I'm just voicing some of my internal fears of, I have this issue of people are gonna write me off because I failed.02:33 Daniel: No...02:34 ANARIE: But I mean, you're proving you got divorced and you still are a valid voice [chuckle] in [02:38] ____.02:38 Daniel: Yes.02:39 ANARIE: But that's where I'm wrestling right now, it's like, I'm worried that because I am divorced, everyone can just write me off as a failure. So... Anyway, it's my own issue at the moment that I'm voicing to you.02:51 Daniel: Are you okay? Would you be okay if I included this part? This is huge, this is huge.02:57 ANARIE: Yeah.02:58 Daniel: The fear, 'cause our definition of success plays a big role in recovery, period. I don't care what you're dealing with, if you have a predetermined idea or expectation of what success is, within reason, right? Of course, we wanna be healthy. Healthy is a reasonable expectation of treatment, whether it's medical, therapy, etcetera. But when we get down to the specifics of, "We are gonna be this type of married couple for the rest of our life and we're gonna parent our kids this way," that type of expectation where it's evolving, especially the agency and being of another person, that gets in the way of what you're discovering. And the reality that maybe success means you two need to go on your separate way, and this is...03:49 ANARIE: And that can be an issue in some couples' therapy as well.03:52 Daniel: Big time, yes.03:54 ANARIE: That if there's too much commitment, do we have to make this marriage work at all costs? They can interfere with the health and well-being of the marriage and of everybody involved.04:03 Daniel: And you're right, a lot of people... Well maybe not a lot, hopefully not a lot, but some will listen to this and say, "Well, then you're a failure." But that's part of the culture that we have to shift, because that mentality is hurting and isn't understood well, and is getting in the way of meaningful treatment, helpful treatment. And so. Yeah, I would...04:27 ANARIE: Yeah. And I never imagined at the beginning of treatment that my story would end in divorce or that the outcome would be. But it's okay that it did, and I really believe that it's what's best for me and it's what's best for him in the way that things needed to go for us.04:46 Daniel: Excellent, thank you.[music]Continue the improving intimacy discussion by joining the Improving Intimacy Facebook group. 

Summary:Jason Pereira, award-winning financial planner, university lecturer, writer, sits with Daniel Eberhard, CEO of KOHO. KOHO is a company that develops tech solutions to make the financial sphere more user friendly.Show Notes:● :30 - Introduction of KOHO and CEO Daniel Eberhard● 1:30 - KOHO is a company focused on creating financial tools that make the banking experience more user friendly. The tools essentially sit on top of the secure bank’s back-end allowing Koho to focus on the UX.● 2:00 - The set-up of KOHO allows the platform to be more client focused● 2:30 - Daniel was inspired by the archaic banking structure of Canada● 4:45 - Banks are disinsentified to provide a better, cheaper service and platform● 6:15 - The two things banks must have to be successful● 8:16 - KOHO user experience from discovery to use● 10:00 - How KOHO gives users a rich insights into their financials● 11:34 - The tools also help you set financial goals. The create a spendable balance alerting you on how much you have. It is essentially individuals future cash flow - something not generally calculated for individuals.● 12:52 - KOHO is also increasing the amount of money saved by Canadians.● 16:00 - KOHO establishes trust by ensuring they do not sell people products they don’t need.● 19:44 - The bank on the backend of KOHO is People’s Trust● 20:00 - How Canadian regulation could affect banking and the KOHO platform● 22:20 - Future features offered by KOHO● 26:32 - There are certain things that if you start consuming them your lifestyle dictates your need to stay in a certain job● 29:10 - The major obstacle was developing the relationships with the banks● 30:30 - How KOHO is moving the needle for Canadians● 31:07 - Daniel wished Canadians would hold their banks to a higher standard3 Key Points:1. KOHO is a company that is changing the user experience for the banking space throughtechnology.2. KOHO focuses on improving the user experience while a bank focuses on the back end.3. KOHO is making it easier for people to track their finances and create financial goals.Tweetable Quotes:- “KOHO is what's called a neo-bank what that means is we sit on-top of bankinginfrastructure and then we create everything else.” –Daniel- “How do we listen really well to the customers and how do we move really fast. These arethe two values that create better value for our users.” – Daniel- “The money sits with People’s Trust and we [KOHO] sit on top of that infrastructure.” –DanielResources Mentioned:● The Fintech Impact● Itunes to access the podcast● Refer to Jason Pereira ́s Linkedin for Information about the Fintech event● Woodgate Financial See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Nehemiah had another grand, bold, confident prayer rooted in faith. How does is his prayer similar to Moses, Abraham, and Daniel? How can YOU have a prayer of success that comes from a strong relationship with God? https://www.bible.com/bible/111/neh.1.4-11.NIV https://emscchurch.org http://facebook.com/emscchurch http://twitter.com/emscchurch You can also follow along in the scripture on the Weekly Word section of our app. https://emscchurch.org/app

It's a preview of the biggest wrestling show of the year. How many Superman punches and spears will Roman use? Will Undertaker show up? Who will walk with Elias? Who's Braun's partner? Will Shane turn on Daniel? How good will AJ and Shinsuke will be? Will Bailey and Sasha eliminate each other in the Battle Royal? Will Rounda submit Triple H? How long will the show last?

Coach Robbins talks about mindset, authenticity and a blue-collar work ethic that can overcome nearly all obstacles.   Introduction: Hey everyone and welcome to the All-Star Leader Podcast, where together we learn about leadership from the best and brightest, and keep it fun by connecting it to our passion for sports! I'm your host Daniel Hare, and today for the first time on the show we get to hear from a college head coach, and I can't think of anyone more fitting to be the first than Jeremiah Robbins. Jeremiah and I first met in 2010 at Western Oregon where he was the head baseball coach. While at WOU he led the Wolves to a 252-109 record, seven straight conference titles and five NCAA tournament appearances. He left Western Oregon in 2012 to take over a Lewis-Clark State College, where all he has done is take the Warriors to five NAIA national championship games, winning the 2015 2016 and 2017 crowns. More important than his on-field accomplishments, however, Coach Robbins is a tremendous leader, a man of integrity, and someone I am proud, humbled and honored to call my friend. This is Jeremiah Robbins. Coach Robbins thanks so much for coming on the show!   Interview Questions: Most important question first: does the tropical fruit enterprise continue at Lewis-Clark State? Share with the audience what your team did every year with tropical fruit sales, how they did it and what the results were? What was the purpose in having your team do that? Instead they split/deliver firewood for a fundraiser The fruit sales was a great teambuilding exercise as well as getting the athletes out in the community 150 cords of wood; deliver and stack it. (Daniel – At D2/NAIA, finances are challenging and this is important to the program. How did you come up with these unique fundraisers, and why? They wanted to have a blue-collar approach Get creative Build bonds with the community and increases attendance (Daniel – encourage teams to match their off-field activities like fundraising to their program's identity) Let's now rewind and start at the beginning. Tell us about where you're from, your upbringing, and when/how baseball was instilled in you. Grew up outside of Roseberg, OR Blue-collar town and family was in logging industry. Dad cut trees for 30 years Work hard, pay dues, put time in Led to disciplined, hard-nosed baseball at a young age Had some success in high school Opportunity to play in college and bounced around a few places due to grades. But got those in order and was able to finish up at Western Oregon Then jumped right into the fire as an American Legion coach immediately after finishing school/playing Struggled early on, but grew as a coach and got a JC job before moving back to WOU and then LC State. Early age is where all his qualities/characteristics were formed (Daniel – Can you speak to those who try and adopt others' approach to coaching, etc. rather than being themselves? How important is authenticity?) Kids want real; they will see right through you in a heartbeat Very transparent; players know who he is and what he is about This breaks down walls between players and coaches and makes them feel loved Baseball is pretty simple, but the personal relationships, discipline, etc. are what separates Getting a player to trust you is harder and harder, so as a coach you have to be on your toes to connect with them Never faked anything and is always up front with his guys (Daniel – talking about Bob Stoops and getting close to your players) In many ways your college career looked similar to many of the players you have recruited and coached over the years, taking advantage of opportunities at both junior colleges and four year schools before arriving your final stop. Talk a bit about your journey through those college years and how that helps you connect with your current players. Would like to change his journey since he had to bounce around because he didn't go to class But it has given him appreciation for the kid who has struggled some early on and just needs someone to give him a second chance. They often times just need someone to put their arm around them, believe in them, help them get a degree, etc. Learned from past mistakes and has made him a better coach Flunked out of school freshman year after not going to class all fall semester; lost his baseball scholarship and had to go get a job. Worked as a logger for a year and a half before getting back into baseball. Only one in his family to have a college degree. Wound up graduating with a 3.0 GPA after starting with a .2! Degree the most important thing for players; graduation rate improving at LC State. (Daniel - How do you evaluate whether someone deserves a second chance?) There can be sticky situations, and the relationship with the player Have you done your homework as a recruiter and a head coach before bringing them to campus? Must do this work at a higher level. Can't just make it about athletic ability and can they help you win. Once it gets into someone else's hands (law enforcement, etc.), there's not much he can do. Things are getting worse. Social media is limiting face to face contact which is detrimental. He doesn't let players email professors, etc.; have to go talk face to face. Coaches aren't investing the time required to properly screen prospective student-athletes. Sit down and talk with the kids, for a long time and not necessarily about baseball, and just learn about who they are. First four days of the fall are meetings. They don't touch a baseball. They have to write a paper about their “why.” They aren't perfect; have had a few issues but generally have been pretty fortunate. Eliminate shortcut mindset and promote a growth mindset a team and hard work mindset. (Daniel – all that up front work is long-term approach which may not have short-term benefits but works in the long-run and you still win!) He has shrunk practices at times down to one hour of intense/focused practice, and gets more done than two and three hour practices he used to conduct back in the day Today he is meeting with all 45 players and they aren't even practicing at all. Sometimes more impact from a 15 minute conversation with a kid than a three hour practice When you think back to your first year as the Western Oregon head baseball coach, what comes into your mind? What do you think you did well or right, and what maybe causes you to say “what was I thinking?!” Was the associate HC when the HC had to resign immediately before the season, so he was named the interim. Had immediate success But looking back he was so wrapped up in the game that he didn't take time to enjoy it. Still struggles with that today, but is working on it. The personal relationships are the most important. His national championship is getting emails from past players. You've now had tremendous success at two different institutions, and at least at WOU you did so with very limited resources. How have you been able to accomplish so much with the odds stacked against you? Hard work Surround yourself with good people; you can overcome a lot with this. Coaching is not a one-man show; have a support staff of coaches/administrators who believe in what you're doing. Don't let a lack of resources be your scapegoat or excuse for not achieving. Compete. Have a growth mindset. It's not about the scholarship but about playing baseball and getting a degree. Have a chip on your shoulder and use that as motivation against the better-funded schools. See challenges as motivation rather than obstacles. Go get athletes who aren't after the scholarship, but instead those who want the LC State experience and community. (Daniel – lots of your players have been drafted into MLB, so you're getting talented guys) How do you approach balancing success at work and success at home? Feels like he has failed at this, and feels bad for his wife and boys But working on it and getting better at it Wife has been biggest supporter This summer took a full week to just be together as a family; so setting aside time is important. When you're home, trying to leave your job at the office All goes back to mindset. Recently reading much less about baseball and much more about mindset. Angela Duckworth (Grit), Carol Dweck (Mindset), Daniel Coyle (The Talent Code) all are authors he's reading now. This helps at home in addition to coaching. Rapid Fire Questions (one word/phrase answers) Name one trait or characteristic you want to see in a colleague. Honesty What habit has been key to your success? Mindset Most important app or productivity tool? iPad app for Facetiming family and videoing hitters Resource recommendation (book, podcast, etc.) Extreme Ownership – Jacqo ; Lee Babin One bit of parting advice for our audience? Hard work and love. Final question: tell us what we can expect from your team this year! Whole new team – 7 guys drafted off of last year's team (none were previously drafted so all developed while at LC State) Great mindset and ready to go. Thank Yous/Acknowledgements: Antioch Live/Clear Day Media Group – music More here. Jonathan Davis – production Clint Musslewhite – voice over