Podcasts about abusive relationships

Trigger warning: This episode discusses domestic abuse. There have been a lot of headlines about domestic abuse. From Cassie to Halle Bailey, this episode opens up a conversation about recognizing the signs and breaking harmful patterns.If you enjoyed this episode, leave a review and make sure you SUBSCRIBE!If you are interested in advertising on this podcast or having us a guest on your Podcast, Radio Show, or TV Show, reach out to ussales@acast.comTo request Hailey to be on your Podcast, Radio Show, or TV Show, reach out to talent@pionairepodcasting.comFOLLOW ME:IG: instagram.com/haileygambaTikTok:@haileygambaYouTube: youtube.com/@haileygamba Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stephanie Lyn is a Life Coach and Author specializing in personal development, emotional healing, and relationship recovery with a focus on overcoming narcissistic relationships.  She provides coaching, online courses and resources designed to help individuals heal emotional wounds, rebuild self-esteem, and create healthier, more fulfilling lives and relationships. Stephanie empowers her clients to reclaim control of their lives, embrace self-love, and grow through adversity. Her work emphasizes rebuilding confidence, rediscovering purpose, and fostering personal transformation. With a thriving podcast, Heal, Survive & Thrive, and a popular YouTube channel, Stephanie shares valuable insights and actionable advice to support her audience on their journey to healing and self-discovery. ⬇️ Breakup Recovery Course! https://www.stephanielynlifecoaching.com/Masterclass 50% OFF! HURRY WHILE IT LASTS!   9 Weeks to Emotional Healing - https://www.stephanielynlifecoaching.com/offers/7jdsLcgK/checkout   Want to chat with her?

263. Domestic Violence and Abuse: Identifying and Healing from Abusive Relationships with Stacey Womack   Mark 10:27 NKJV "But Jesus looked at them and said, “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.”   **Transcription Below**   Questions and Topics We Discuss: Will you teach us about the various types of abuse? How do we respond appropriately and in a Christ-like manner when someone does report abuse? What are your views for having biblical reasons for divorce, specifically as it relates to each type of abuse?   Stacey Womack is an award-winning expert in domestic violence from a faith-based perspective. She founded Abuse Recovery Ministry & Services (ARMS) in 1997 and she is a published author and sought after national speaker. Stacey developed and wrote the curriculum used for ARMS programs, including Her Journey for survivors of abuse and Mankind and Virtue for men and women who have used abusive behaviors. She has assisted tens of thousands of people in recovering from both the receiving and giving of abuse. Her passion has grown ARMS, a small grassroots organization, to now having an international reach.   Abuse Recovery Ministry & Services Website Stacey's Books   Thank You to Our Sponsor: Grace Catering   Other Related Episodes on The Savvy Sauce: 146 Biblical Response to Emotionally Destructive Relationships with Leslie Vernick 148 Overcoming Evil with Good: Recognizing Spiritual Abuse with Dr. Diane Langberg   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)   Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”   **Transcription**   Music: (0:00 – 0:09)   Laura Dugger: (0:10 - 1:50) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.    Today's episode includes some thematic material. I want you to be aware before you listen in the presence of little ears.    For anyone who feels like they don't have time to cook, but they still desire to have meals that taste just like grandma's, I can't wait to share more about one of my favorite sponsors, Grace Catering Company. Check them out today at gracecateringcompany.com.   Stacey Womack is my guest today. She is the award-winning expert in domestic violence from a faith-based perspective. She is the founder of Abuse Recovery Ministry and Services, which she will refer to as ARMS, and she's also the author of this practical and helpful resource entitled On the Front Lines of Abuse, Strategies for the Faith Community.   Stacey fearlessly answers questions today about what defines abuse, what steps can we take today to discover if we're in an abusive relationship, what does the Bible have to say about abuse and divorce, and so much more. Here's our chat. Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Stacey.   Stacey Womack: Thank you so much. I'm so glad to be here.    Laura Dugger: Would you mind just starting us off by giving us a current snapshot of your phase of life?   Stacey Womack: (1:52 - 2:48) Sure. You know, I've been doing this work for 27 years, but actually I grew up in a pastor's home and married young and had my children young. I have six children, and I have my 13th grandchild on the way, and my first great-grandchild is due in December. And in the midst of homeschooling my kids back in the day, God began to speak to me about ministry that he had for me.   And so, this was the door he opened, even though I'm not a survivor of abuse. And back then I never had planned on starting a nonprofit or, you know, having it be the way it is, never planned on having an income off of it. None of that was a part of the plan.   I was just being obedient to what God had called me to do. And so here we are today, 27 years later, providing services nationally and internationally to victims and survivors of abuse and also working with those who use abusive and controlling behaviors.   Laura Dugger: (2:50 - 3:12) Wow. And abuse is something that's so difficult to understand, and it's a topic that's easy for us to want to avoid. But I appreciate you bringing awareness to this topic that affects more people than we would ever suspect.   So, will you just teach us the various types of abuse?   Stacey Womack: (3:12 - 12:56) Sure. So, I'll try to go through them fairly briefly for you, but most of the time they only give you a few, but we have eight different areas of abuse that we talk about. So, you know, most people get physical abuse.   That's how most people define domestic violence and abuse is physical, which is all the things from hitting, pushing, slapping, grabbing, strangulation, which is something that's very dangerous. And a person's at risk of dying days and weeks after being strangled, even months after being strangled. So, it's a very serious crime.   Most states it's a felony. But every category has those things that aren't as obvious. So, in physical, it would be like posturing where someone stands up or takes a step towards you, it's right in your space.   The most common form of abuse is psychological, though. This is what is often called emotional abuse by most people. So psychological abuse, I kind of divided into three categories.   The largest one is the crazy making the mind games, the mental coercion, the gaslighting, all those things. And that's very, very hard to explain to people. And it doesn't look like abuse.   It looks like non-memorable conflict oftentimes and gets misdiagnosed that way, I guess you could say. And it's the form of abuse that women say is the hardest to heal from because bruises heal. But the emotional ones that psychological abuse causes can take years and years to heal from.   So also, another big category besides the mind games is the isolation. So, keeping them from friends and family could be outright telling them not to spend time with friends and family, or it could be, you know, allowing them to go spend time with friends and family, but then they pay for it later. So, there's some type of punishment for doing that.   Moving her from place to place, or church to church, to keep her from having any kind of support. So that's very common. And then another category in here, and I'm just keeping them very brief, is stalking behaviors, which stalking should be taken very seriously because 75% of those who commit homicides are stalkers.   So, this is everything from following, showing up uninvited, not leaving when asked, to the use of spyware, which is often free or cheap. So, you know, those air pods, they drop them in people's purses or put them in places in their car or whatever, just so they can follow them where they're going, those types of things. And among our younger generation, a common stalking behavior would be multiple calling and multiple texting.   So, the second closest that comes to emotional abuse would be verbal abuse. And most of us get the types of verbal abuse that are obvious, the yelling, the swearing, the name calling, the, you know, put downs. I mean, things that are really obvious.   And this is a huge category and not well understood because we have all used some verbal abuse in our lives. So, everything down to things that are more subtle, like the silent treatment as a way to control the conversation or sarcasm, which is actually means the tearing of flesh. So, it's not a healthy way to communicate.   There's a little bit of truth to it. That's what makes it funny. But it's always at someone's expense.   And we live in a pretty sarcastic world. And I, myself, can be pretty sarcastic at times after really watch that because it's really not a kind way to communicate. So, again, this is a huge category.   So, we have verbal, psychological, physical, financial, lots of financial control and abusive relationships. Most of our men who are abusive use financial control. So, he's making all the financial decisions.   He's controlling the finances, or he allows her to have some access to finances, but not all by  hiding assets and hidden accounts, things like that. Or maybe making her handle all the finances while he goes out and misspends. So, then it's her fault.   And now he has a reason to abuse her. And even once they separate, financial abuse continues by not paying a spousal or child support. So, I tell our women to not depend on that, do what they need to do legally, but not to depend on it because it's very hard to get that money back.   So, we have verbal, psychological, physical, financial, sexual, which people get that one too. Rape, unwanted touch, attacking body parts, making her dress a certain way or not dress a certain way. It could include extreme jealousy, which is, again, goes right back into those stalking behaviors.   So, it's these pornography affairs, sexual name calling or sexual putdowns or sexual jokes. Again, another really big category. So that a lot of times some more subtle things that people don't recognize as being abusive because a lot of people use it, like the sexual name calling or sexual using sexual cuss words.   So, I always have to go through those verbal, psychological, physical, financial, sexual property. We don't always think about property being abusive. But if an abuser can convince his victim that he's dangerous, he never has to be physical.   And so, he might punch the hole right next to your head. I had a woman tell me this. And then he saw the fear in her face, and he said, “What? I didn't even touch you.” But the message was, this is what could happen to you. So, property is not always it can include, but it is not always the breaking of things or throwing things.   It could be slamming doors, slamming hands on the table. But it could also be moving property to make her think she's going crazy. So, she has a place she keeps her keys. He moves them to make her think she's going crazy, that she can't remember where she's putting things anymore.   So, you always have an overlap in an abusive event. It's never just one form of abuse unless it's just psychological and very subtle. But property abuse also includes the use of weapons.   In the groups that we've been doing with men for the more than two decades that we've been working with them, usually they're not using the weapon there. It's the implied threat of use of weapons. So, we had one woman who went to her boyfriend's house, and he came out of his bedroom with a knife and laid it on the table and said, “I just don't know what I'd do if you left me.”   Or we had many guys in the program for tapping knives while they create and continue arguments with their partners. So, it could be any misuse of any property. It could even be gift giving to get her to comply back into the relationship.   So, it's not always what you think of when you think of like guns and knives. It doesn't have to be that way. It can be very subtle.   So then we have spiritual abuse, spiritual abuse. Since we're a faith-based organization, we talk about the misuse of scripture. So, he's using scripture to get her to comply, to get his way.   And God's word is a balance between judgment and love and mercy. And when you remove that love and they're just going with the judgment side of God's word, you are misusing God's word. It's not what God intended for his word.   He did not ever intend for the word to be weaponized against a person, especially in an intimate relationship. So, we talk about the difference between submission and oppression and how they are different from one another in our groups. It's also for our men who attend church regularly.   I always tell pastors, if you've got a man who's coming to you and he's working his way through the church leadership and he's being very humble and he's telling you that he knows he has his issue, but he's concerned for his wife that he's not really being abusive. That she just thinks he's being abusive to her because she's experienced abuse in the past or she has mental health issues or she's cheating on him, which is usually not true. They're doing this to discredit her while they're doing what we call public image management to make themselves look good to the public.   So, they're involved in all kinds of things. It may be on the church council. So, you know, when they tell their church leadership this, it's hard to believe.   It's hard for them to believe when she comes forward and says this is what's actually going on in my relationship because they've not experienced that from him. He's been a great guy around them. So, questioning her theology, her salvation, keeping her from going to church, making her go to church, moving her from church to church, things like that, too.   And then the last one is animal abuse. And of course, we think about harming animals. And of course, when you harm an animal, that is animal abuse.   But in terms of the work we do, it's about using the animal to control the person in some way. And that might include the threat to get rid of it, the threat to harm or the threat to kill or the doing of those things or neglecting, not like not feeding or watering the pet. But it could also be things like getting a pet she's allergic to or afraid of or withholding affection from her while he's being overly affectionate to the pet.   We have lots of women who tell us about that. So, again, it's not about necessarily harming the pet as much as it is about using the pet to gain control. You have to remember that abuse is about power and control and abuse means the misuse of.   So, anything can be misused, not just physical hitting and punching and misuse of our strength, but anything can be misused. And when it's used to gain power and control in an intimate relationship. It's a pattern; that's when you're looking at someone who has an abusive personality.   Laura Dugger: (12:57 - 13:27) Wow. Thank you for laying that foundation and expanding our definition. It sounds like so many sins, domestic violence can be insidious, and it can usually begin with a very charming spouse who eventually becomes more and more abusive.   So, have you found that people more easily recognize when they're in an abusive relationship or is it surprising and confusing to them?   Stacey Womack: (13:28 - 16:58) It's mostly confusing and surprising, maybe in that order. You know, since I work with these men, too, there are really great things about them. There's really good qualities I see in them.   And that's what these women fall in love with, these really great qualities. And these men can be extremely charming. And even if you haven't been raised in abuse and you find yourself in an abusive relationship, sometimes it's because you were in a really vulnerable place when you got involved.   And it just felt really good to have somebody come in and be so big and strong and great in your life. Or there's other times guys are just so good at this that they're just believe completely. There's no reason not to believe, right?   I mean, you trust somebody because you expect them to be telling you the truth. So, it usually starts off very subtle and it gradually increases. So, he might start questioning.   So, is that what you're going to wear? Or, you know, well, that's a lot of makeup. Or maybe, you know, telling her that he doesn't agree with something that she agrees with and that maybe her friends and family aren't good for her and maybe she needs to distance herself from them.   We've had women tell us that that happens to them. So, we have a checklist on our website under am I in an abusive relationship, basically. And underneath that, there's actually a PDF that they can print out and check off.   And it usually starts off with things like, are you surprised by his anger? Does his anger scare you? You know, and then we work down to more obvious forms of abuse.   But when a woman goes through that list and it's actually degenerate. So, a male or a female could go through the list. And they could go through it and they could determine, am I experiencing a pattern of these behaviors in my life?   Marriage should be the safest place for you. And when it's not, there's something wrong there. And we do work with women who are abusive.   So, I do want to acknowledge that there are male victims out there. And when they call us, since we don't have a group for them, because perpetrators believe they are the victims. So, if I opened a men's victim group, I would get a room full of perpetrators.   Male victims tend to say very similar things to our female victims and behave in very similar ways that our women behave as well. And so, we refer them out to counselors that we trust. And, you know, and women can be what we call primary aggressors in the relationship.   And they act and talk and say the same kinds of things as our male primary aggressors. And most primary aggressors are male because it just works better for them. They're bigger, they're stronger, they're given privilege that women are not given.   So, it just works better for them. But there are women out there who do that. And then there's those relationships where both parties are using abused.   But one is a primary and one is a secondary. It doesn't make the abuse okay. It doesn't even make it okay when you or I say something or act in a way that disregards or disrespects another person.   That's sin. So, I think that we need to be really honest with the fact that this is a human issue. And that it's okay to come out and say, you know what, I have a problem with this.   And I need help. And that's what we're trying to offer for both the men and the women that we serve.   Laura Dugger: (16:59 - 17:21) And I'm just simplifying it. But in my mind, when you talk about primary and secondary, it makes me think for that secondary person, just simply hurt people, hurt people. So, is that what you're talking about?   Where they are not the initiators of the abusive behavior, but when they are abused over time, they respond with abusive patterns as well?   Stacey Womack: (17:21 - 19:17) Yeah, abuse is a learned behavior. So, if they grew up in a home where abuse was present, you know, as much as you don't like some of those negative things that we all get from growing up, we get good things and bad things. We often end up repeating them until we learn something different. And so, some of our women in our secondary aggressors program, you know, have had to fight their entire life to survive.   And sometimes it's just safer to be the aggressor than it is to be the victim. And so, a lot of times when women are using abusive behaviors, it's more about trying to be heard or it's payback. So, they don't really gain power and control from their abuse, not really.   It's usually when they're abusive, the women are just getting payback for what their abuser did. So, one woman, her and her husband had an argument and he's this big guy. And so, to get back at him, we would call this properly anal and psychological.   She took the pillow and rubbed it all over the cat because he's allergic to cats and put the pillow back on the bed so he'd wake up with puffy eyes. It's a very passive form of abuse, but it is a way to get back at him. And then we have those women who just fight back verbally and they can.   I had this little gal, not probably hardly even 100 pounds. She could bring a 200 pound, six foot tall husband to his knees with just her words. And this is a woman who had to fight her entire life.   So, you know, you can see there's times where relationships where there's more. I don't really like the word mutual, but there's they're both using abusive behaviors, but it's the only way they know how to live life. And so, the women come out of this program saying, now I understand that his abuse to me does not excuse my abuse to him.   And I have power to make choices that will bring change to my life. And that's a powerful place to be much more powerful than being a victim.   Laura Dugger: (19:18 - 19:45) Absolutely. And I think the hope that I'm hearing is when you say abuse is a learned behavior. Does that mean we can learn our way out of it as well?   So, anyone who is in an abusive relationship or is finding if they're listening to this, maybe they find out that they are the abuser, you can learn your way out of it then?   Stacey Womack: (19:45 - 21:27) You can. It takes a tremendous amount of work. But both the victim and the perpetrator or the survivor, they have to learn new tools, both of them, because we have women who get out of abusive relationships who find themselves right back into another abusive relationship.   The tools that women use in abusive relationships are amazing. The ways that they do things to survive the abuse is absolutely amazing. But those same tools do not serve them well once they're out of abuse.   Some of them get into healthy relationships, but they're still using those old tools that they picked up during the abusive relationship. And so, they come to group a recovery group so that they can heal from that and learn a new way and let go of that pain and hurt and learn behavior so that they can also be healthy in that relationship with that new partner. So, and he also and for the abuser, someone who's like this is they've been the primary aggressor in the relationship and they have a lifetime of picking up belief systems that have given them permission to behave that way.   And that doesn't change in 12 weeks. Programs for those guys and those gals should be long; thirty-six weeks the absolute minimum. I think a year or even two years is better because you need practice to sustain change. We have lots of guys who change, but getting that sustained change takes lots of accountability and lots of hard work.   And it's difficult to do. But we have those stories of couples that make it. There's a lot more that don't make it.   All the men make some changes, but often not enough to save the relationship. So, it varies.   Laura Dugger: (21:27 - 23:38) And now a brief message from our sponsor, Grace Catering Company in North Peoria offers a rotating menu of scrumptious meals for you to take home and pop in your own oven with family friendly options like lasagna, bacon wrapped meatloaves, chicken Alfredo pasta, breakfast burritos and creamy garlic chicken breasts. Your homemade dinner will be on the table in no time. They also offer healthier and lighter options as well as some gluten-free and keto-friendly choices.   The meals are packaged in a variety of sizes, which makes it perfect for individuals or couples, or they have portions large enough to feed the entire family. Their menu is on a six-week rotation. You can stop by for a grab and go lunch with their signature sandwiches, salads, soups or quinoa bowls depending on the season.   I also recommend you top off your meal with one of their sweet treats, such as their popular scotcheroos, iced sugar or chocolate chip cookies, or their cookie of the month. The founder and owner Renee Endres has also created my all-time favorite cookbook. My grandparents actually gave this to me as a gift when I was a newlywed and it has been put to great use for the past decade and a half.   The recipes are easy and approachable and the feedback from our family and from guests we've hosted in our home has always been positive when the meal came from Renee. When I've gifted this cookbook to friends, they will commonly remark how these are also the most delicious desserts they've ever tasted. Our extended family also loves to use the take and bake options on Sunday afternoons, which allows us to enjoy a delectable meal while still getting to enjoy a true Sabbath.   Grace Catering Company is located just off Alta Lane in North Florida. Check them out today at gracecateringcompany.com.    Well, and with your programs, what are some of the things that you do offer for someone who finds themselves in an abusive relationship?   Stacey Womack: (23:40 - 28:08) Yeah, so our largest program is called Her Journey and it's a victim survivor recovery program. So, it doesn't matter what form of abuse you experienced or are experiencing. It could be years ago even.   And we have this, it's a 15 week program, but we lead it year-round so you can just start immediately. It's one of the things that we found out as we've been doing this national campaign is that we're the only ones that we've found that are free. It's a free program.   We have Zoom. So, we have every day of the week covered. If we don't have something right in your own state, in your county.   But we're in-person groups in 21 states right now and looking to lead more or teach more leaders how to lead the program in their community, or in their centers, or in their missions. They're often held in churches. It's all confidential.   The women just call in. They don't have to give us their real name. They don't have to give us any information.   They don't want to. We just ask whatever name they use. They keep using the same name so we don't care if they say their name is Minnie Mouse.   That's fine with us. Just so that we can keep track of it for grant purposes. But in that group, it's not a process group.   It's really about hearing God's heart around this issue. And they do get training around domestic violence. But we also go through other topics like dealing with anger, depression and loneliness and just all the different things that happen throughout this process.   Learning how to appropriately boundary set and what to do and what's going to work with an abuser. What's not going to work with an abuser. Those types of things. And so, we found that we just keep it open so the women can join immediately. Because if we don't help them right when they're asking for the help, we'll lose them because the abuser will very quickly work to move them back into the relationship, which is part of the cycle of abuse. And because we want the relationship to work and we want to believe him, we do.   And so, women, you know, leave on average seven times before they leave for good because we don't get into a relationship to see it in. And so, when I talk and train pastors and I had a pastor say, “Well, she's just looking for a way out.” I'm like, “No, that's not true.”   These women do everything, including couples counseling, which is something that does not work when abuse is the issue and power control is the issue. And most pastors that I haven't heard of any seminary that actually does a whole course on domestic violence, they get a little bit of couples counseling and that's it. And even counselors don't get trained in domestic violence.   So, this is only a very small portion of counselors. So, I would tell these women, if you're listening to this now, that they shouldn't do couples counseling, but they should look for a counselor who has 40 hours of victim advocacy training from an advocacy agency and that he needs to go work on his own issues with an agency that deals with domestic abuse intervention. And a lot of times the things that she thinks, or they both think, they need couples counseling for go completely away once he does the work he needs to do.   So, the communication problems, the anger issues, all those things that they think are the cause are no longer an issue. Most of our couples don't even need couples counseling after this because he has learned to love like Jesus loves. That's what we teach is like, what does that mean to be Christlike?   What does that mean to lay your life down? So, but during our time that we work with women or men, secondary or primary aggressors, female or male, we in our groups talk about focusing on that themselves and their relationship with God and not focusing outward because God will take care of that. Sure, pray about it, but release it.   That's God's responsibility. You only have control of this relationship is between yourself and God. And that's where you're going to seek Him about what He's calling you to do in this situation.   And every person's a little bit different. It's not my place to tell someone whether to leave or stay. And we're not here to promote divorce.   And we know the women want their relationships to work. We know they want men to make it to the other side. We do, too, but we cannot make that happen.   So, all we can do is present the information and allow the Holy Spirit to do the work. And the person has to be willing to receive the help.   Laura Dugger: (28:09 - 28:35) Absolutely. Well, and I even think about how this conversation came about. We had multiple women of different ages, all of them believers, who were reaching out and sharing a little bit of their experience in marriage and sharing some potential abuse.   And I actually reached out to some publicists that I work with and said, “Who would be able to speak to this?” And so that's how we got connected.   Stacey Womack: (28:36 - 28:36) Yeah.   Laura Dugger: (28:36 - 28:54) Very much appreciated your book. And as I was reading it, there was one story that was particularly haunting. And it was about a pastor who ended up begging you for training.   So, can you recall what happened?   Stacey Womack: (28:54 - 34:09) Yeah. You know, a lot of pastors just it's not that they don't care. It's just that they're very uneducated around this.   So even myself, when I first started, I would give people really unhelpful advice before I even began this work because I didn't understand it well. And so, he had encouraged this woman to forgive and go back, which is a typical response. You know, submit more, pray harder.   Those are the kinds of things that a lot of women get from churches. And so, she did. She went home and then he murdered her that night.   And so, this pastor was absolutely heartbroken, as you can imagine, and was calling in and asking, please, please, please train us because we don't want this to ever happen again. You know, and honestly, there are some pastors out there that believe that women should stay in the relationship, even if they are being abused and that God will bless them through their suffering, even if it means death. I don't agree with that.   See, I think that God would never sacrifice a person for the sake of the relationship. But we do as the church sometimes because we're so concerned about the relationship. The relationship is important and God has got a reconciliation and we want reconciliation, too.   But God also tells us the prudent man or woman hides from danger and he cares about us as individuals. And He has called us to live life abundantly, not to just bear it, you know. And so, I think that we need to really look at that.   And being raised as a pastor's daughter that, you know, I was taught that way. So, it was a really it's been really hard, you know, working in the faith communities really struggles with this. And, you know, this idea that, well, a separation might lead to divorce.   But separation is really functional in these relationships because she needs safety so that she can talk, speak the truth from this other person. And she needs time to see whether or not he's willing to actually get the help that he's been promising he'll get. And they need time to see if he can actually work through that.   Or is he just using a program as another controlling behavior to get her to come back into a relationship? If she waits long enough and we usually say six months and he's mad that she's not letting him back home. He goes right back to all the bad behaviors he was doing before.   And he pulls all the money out of the bank and does all these crazy things. And she has her answer, which is heartbreaking. The women are heartbroken over this because they want their relationships to work.   We cannot emphasize that enough to the faith community. These women want their relationships to work and that they did not sign up for this. They did not sign up for these.   They did not say, “Oh, yes, I am agreeing to get married and be abused.” That's how they agreed to. And he made a promise to love and cherish.   And the Bible commands men to love their wives like Christ loves the church and to lay his life down. That means he gives up his way to bless her, that Jesus came to serve, not to be served. So, his role is one of being the lead servant in the relationship.   He should be the first to be serving her. And how do we respond as women? We feel loved and cherished and cared for when that happens.   My husband's so good at this. I have to be careful if I say I'm thirsty, he's up getting me a glass of water. He's so quick to serve.   But this is the kind of behavior that blesses us. And men are surprised that the very thing they want, the respect, honor, all those kinds of things. They get it by doing the very opposite of what they're doing, by giving up their way, by embracing humility.   And humility is hard because it means it's not about being 50-50 or being fair. It's about going 100 percent or more. So, my husband would share because he leads manuscripts with me.   And he says, you know, guys, you know, if Stacy's at 20 percent, then I need to go 180. I need to go in and fill in that gap for her. And there's times I do that for him, too, because unhealthy relationships like that's what we do for women.   But an abusive relationship, that's never what happens. And an abuser has and this is very popular, a narcissistic view of his world. He may not realize that it doesn't mean he has narcissistic personality disorder.   Those guys are very different and they stick out sore thumbs, but they all behave narcissistic, narcissistically, meaning their world revolves around them. So, they want you to manage their emotions. They blame you for when they're unhappy.   And even if you weren't even present, when whatever happened, that he's unhappy that he still blames you for it, which doesn't make sense. It's that crazy making. It's like, “Wow, how am I the cause of this when this happened at work? I don't understand.” You know, so there's all that craziness that goes on.   But, you know, I'm so honored to get to walk alongside men and women in their process of change and their aha moments and their realization that God loves them and that God values them and that they're important and they're regarded. And that because of that, abuse is never OK. It's never OK.   Laura Dugger: (34:10 - 35:21) The few follow ups with that, then to go back to an earlier point, you're making a connection for me where I'm thinking back to a few episodes. It was one was with Leslie Vernick and one was with Dr. Diane Langberg. So, I can't remember who said this.   I can link to both in the show notes, but it's what you're speaking to that as we study the scriptures and we see Christ likeness and how to become more Christ like and what God really says about these topics. They were pointing out he cares about the individual more than the institution. Yeah.   And so, I think there's a lot of re-education for us in the faith community, unfortunately. But then also two follow up questions. One, as you're talking about narcissism or a narcissistic outlook, is there ever from your experience?   I'm familiar with some of my friends who are in relationships like that or acquaintances that I know. Is there ever hope for the husband who has narcissistic tendencies or personality disorder to repent? Have you ever seen that?   Stacey Womack: (35:21 - 37:16) Absolutely. We have men who've done a really great job of working away from being self-focused and selfish. That's really what it is.   They read these journals and we make comments on them and they have to come up with the beliefs that gave them permission to behave this way. So, we had one guy and you could just see a selfishness that I always wrote. The belief is I'm most important.   I've read it every on every single journal. And he finally came to group after a few months because I really realize I'm really selfish. And so, as we help them to see this, it begins to change things and they begin to make different choices and try new things.   As someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder, like any personality disorder, those are not medicated. They can't be medicated and it takes a longer time. So, I've had some training on narcissistic personality disorder and I recognize those guys.   Any of those guys generally with personality disorders because they don't see themselves. So, the group laughs at things I say, but they don't understand why they're laughing. And those guys need like seven years of counseling with someone who specializes in narcissistic personality disorder.   If they're willing to do the work that that they can actually make changes. And there's a gentleman who who's travels the country speaking on this. He says that's his favorite group of population he works with.   I can't say the word narcissistic personality disorder men. And he says, you would like this man today. But he had like multiple failed businesses.   He'd been very successful, but they're failing businesses, failing marriage. And he worked with them and you don't work with them the same as just typical counseling. It's not the same because they don't see themselves.   So, we need more people who specialize in that.   Laura Dugger: (37:16 - 38:12) I agree with you there. And it's just helpful to have that reminder of hope. Even this morning in my quiet time, I was reading in the Gospels and it was Jesus saying and everything he says is true.   That with man, it seems impossible, or it is impossible. But with God, we know that all things are possible. So, appreciate the way you answered that.   And then also a follow up would be we heard that awful story of what happened with the physical safety when you're looking at physical abuse. But then, Stacey, would you recommend wives have the same boundaries? Are they taking time away to physically protect themselves if there's any type of abuse?   If there is financial abuse, let's say, are they given the same recommendations as somebody who is in an emotionally abusive relationship?   Stacey Womack: (38:13 - 40:49) Well, the emotional abuse is always there. You don't have any other forms of abuse without emotional abuse. So, our women, we talk about boundary setting and different boundaries they can begin trying.   But oftentimes the only boundary that actually works to be able to say for us to be able to make it, you need to go get help. And while you're getting help, we need to be separated so they're not focusing on one another. So not all of our women separate.   Some of the women try to work through it while he's still in the home. My experience is that it slows the process down, extremely slows the process down because they're still focusing on one another. And he's coming home and he's sharing with us how great the program is.   But then he's going home and he's angry and he's taking it out on her. So, it creates some unsafety for her. And I just want to say this because I think a lot of people don't understand that there's physical safety and then there's emotional safety.   And we downplay the emotional safety. But emotional safety is as important as physical safety. So, I have some pastors who think that if we share things like this, that we're going to be making victims.   That's not true. I don't relate to the books that are out there. You know, oh, yeah, I've experienced that.   It's not going to make victims. You either relate to it or you don't. But this emotional safety might mean needing to separate from that person.   Not because you fear their physical abuse when you haven't been physical. But a lot of our women say he's never been physical, but I'm fearful of him. And so in order for her to get some healing and some help while she waits to see whether or not he gets help and she's really hoping he will.   She needs that space. And so, yes, I think that in a lot of scenarios, separation is a key. And then we have some couples where the where the husband does is not willing to do the work he needs to do, but he's not controlling the finances.   So, they remain married but separated for the rest of their lives. Not very many couples can do that because most abusers are going to control finances. So, but that's why I was saying it's not our place to tell a woman to leave or to stay.   That's not our job. It's our job to walk alongside them when they seek God for what they should be doing and what boundaries they should be setting. And they can try a lot of different things before it gets to that point.   And it just there's no easy answer for this.   Laura Dugger: (40:50 - 41:05) It's very complex. Yes, it's very complex. But even when you say there's a lot of things they could try.   Could you give a few examples or is there a place on your website where they can go to get some ideas and some help for those earlier stages?   Stacey Womack: (41:06 - 43:43) Well, we talk about this in our journey class again, which is free. You can join at any time in our class on boundaries. And so, it depends on the severity of abuse that's going on.   But most women, when there has been physical abuse, will start off with things like and we talk about a boundary has to have a consequence. Otherwise, it's not really you can't. It doesn't work.   But these men are boundary breakers. So, a boundary would be like saying, if you continue to yell at me and call me names, I'm going to leave and go to my friend's house. So, there's the boundary and there's a consequence for breaking.   But then we also realize when we're talking to them that he may decide at some point he's not going to let you leave. So now he's blocking the door. So, then it might be, you know, if you're going to treat me this way, I'm no longer going to cook meals or do your wash.   And it usually works its way down to I'm no longer going to have sex with you. I'm not going to sleep in the same room with you. And once you get to that point, the only other thing you can do is do a physical separation with the heart to actually reunite.   That's what these women want. And some of our couples have been separated for three years. But the husband is like, let her head home.   And he's doing his work and they're interacting again. But he doesn't move back home for three years because he's committed to giving her whatever space and time she needs to heal. Because he recognizes that he's the one that's caused unsafety.   And so, what is three years if you can have a healthy relationship for the rest of your life? And so that's what we were looking for our men to do. It's like even if you're disappointed, if she's saying, I'm not ready for you to move back.   And you can say, I feel disappointed, but you know what? I get it. And whatever you need, I'm willing to do that.   That's accountability. That's humility. And really, they need to have other men who are mentoring them to hold them accountable.   And again, not a lot of people are taught this. And so having the right mentor even for this is really important. Even a right counselor for them to work with their childhood issues.   But those are some ideas for some boundaries. Boundaries always have to have consequences. But even if a woman gets a protection order or restraining order, most of those are violated.   So, we tell the women be prepared to call the police when he violates it by texting you or by sending you a card with money in it or putting flowers on your car. Or coming to the church service that you put in the restraining order that he wasn't supposed to come to. So, you need to be ready to hold him accountable because the abuser doesn't believe you're going to actually follow through.   Laura Dugger: (43:43 - 44:32) Do you love The Savvy Sauce? Do you gain anything when you listen? Did you know that the two ways we earn money to keep this podcast live is through generous contributions from listeners and from our paying sponsors?   That means we can promote your business and you're still supporting The Savvy Sauce. It's a win-win. Please email us today at info@thesavvysauce.com to inquire about pricing for sponsoring each episode. Thank you for your consideration.    Well, and what if somebody is listening right now and they're automatically assuming, well, this isn't happening to anyone I know and it's certainly not happening in our church. What would you like to directly say to them?   Stacey Womack: (44:33 - 45:40) I'd like to let them know that statistically one in three women experience domestic violence, stalking, or rape by an intimate partner. And the statistics in the church are no less than they are outside of the church. So, every church has families in their church who look like the perfect couple.   When I started leading a group in my own church, I was so shocked. I kept telling myself, stop being shocked when I have another woman privately come up to me and tell me that they were in an abusive relationship because they just, they were involved, and they were just leading Sunday school. And they were, just look like this beautiful family and you would never have known.   There was no way to know that this was actually going on. So, you know, the reality is that it's happening. We're just not aware of it.   It wasn't on my radar before God called me into this work. I didn't think it was affecting my life. I didn't think of much thought.   But the reality is I feel like it's worse now than ever and not necessarily more physical abuse, but just abuse in general, the misuse of things to gain control.   Laura Dugger: (45:42 - 46:18) Well, and I appreciate the way you helped give a paradigm shift. You offered this on page 36 in your book and you quote saying, “At ARMS, we do not believe God considers domestic violence and abuse an adult issue. Instead, we believe he sees it as child abuse. We are his children.”   So, Stacey, with that in mind, how does this clarify how we can respond appropriately, and in a Christlike manner, when someone does report abuse?   Stacey Womack: (46:20 - 47:51) Well, I think a lot of times when women actually have the courage to tell you what's going on, it's a very courageous thing to do. She's risking a lot by telling you.   So, we really need to listen carefully and believe her. And I'm thinking about how, you know, that I'm trying to think now. How did you word your question so I can answer it correctly?   If you think about that example you gave, if your child was being beaten, harassed and abused in school and came home crying, you wouldn't just sit in your chair and say, go back and pray harder and win them over by your quiet and gentle spirit. We would go down and we would ask the school, what are you doing about this? Who's doing this and what are you doing about it?   And if they didn't do anything, we wouldn't think twice to remove our child from that environment. But in these situations where you're working with two adults, she may not be ready to leave. She's just sharing with you that this is going on.   She actually is hoping you'll go talk to him so that you'll fix him. But that is not a safe thing for you to do. And she may not realize that.   I tell pastors that all the time. You don't, but you're not going to go to him to check out her story or go talk to him like she's asked you to. Instead, you're going to go, what can we do for you right now?   Let's get you some help. And there'll be a time where we can address things with him. But right now is not that safe time.   So, let's get you connected with an organization that can help you give you the resources that you need to begin your journey of healing and discovering what God wants you to do.   Laura Dugger: (47:52 - 48:07) That's good. And also, this is a tricky question, but what are your views for having biblical reasons for divorce, specifically as it relates to those types of abuse that you shared with us?   Stacey Womack: (48:08 - 50:27) Sure. You know, I think God understood that divorce would happen. That's why it got written into the law.   And it says, “Because it was the hardness of hearts.” So, it wasn't God's design. It wasn't the way God wanted it to be, but that there was made allowances for this.   And when people and women are often quoted, God hates divorce. They're not really giving the whole scripture and Malachi in the amplified version. It says, “God hates divorce and marital separation and him who covers his wife, his garment with violence. Therefore, keep a watch on your spirit, that it may be controlled by my spirit, that you deal not treacherously and faithfully with your marriage mate.”   So, we actually got some really good articles that go in depth on the original Hebrew, that Malachi verse was written in there. But, you know, I do believe that someone is breaking the marriage covenant to love, cherish, lay his life down for when they bring abuse to the relationship.   Again, God would wish and hope that we would humble our hearts, not be stiff necked and submit to Him and what he's trying to teach us and grow us in. But He does not force us. And so that leaves women in these situations very little choices if their husband is unwilling to get the help that he needs.   So, I am all for divorce. And I know that that marriage is hard. And my husband and I have been married for 44 years and we've gone through our struggles.   And there are times that I thought this isn't going to work. But you know what? We hung in there because we knew that for us, because it wasn't an abusive situation, that we need to stay in there and work on it.   And we did. And we're so glad we did. So, believe me, I'm not promoting divorce.   I just know that there has to be a place and known for it because of sin in the world. And again, it's heartbreaking and it destroys not just individuals, families, but our society is being destroyed by the breakdown of the family. And abuse is one of the most insidious things.   It starts in the home and it's cyclical. So, it's passed on from one generation to the next.   Laura Dugger: (50:29 - 50:38) Well, so, Stacey, how can we become more aware of abuse that is happening all around us? And what can we do that's genuinely helpful?   Stacey Womack: (50:40 - 52:13) Well, I think getting the education, you know, in my book that on the front lines of abuse strategies for the faith community, just a little book. But has a ton of information in it is a good place to start. And I have some do's and don'ts in there.   But, you know, I think that when you might recognize someone's being in an abusive relationship by the way her husband or whatever is speaking to her. But she doesn't see it because most victims would never call themselves a victim of abuse because they don't relate to that at all. That's not how they would define it.   So, I think sometimes just privately sharing with them. No, that behavior was really abusive. And she may not like that.   She might even get upset. But I think just being honest with the fact that this is going on. And I encourage pastors to preach about abuse and really abuse oppression.   And the Bible has a whole lot to say about oppression. There's already sermons out there that they can pull from. I suggest pastors preach on it twice a year.   So, October's domestic violence awareness month. And then maybe run Mother's Day again, not on Mother's Day, but around Mother's Day. Talk about it again, not as a caveat to relationships where it's just mentioned in a sermon, but an actual entire sermon on this issue.   And I can promise you that the church gets the education they need. They don't have to be experts, but they need to know what resources are out there for them and they make it safe. Both men and women will come forward and ask for help.   So, we need just to be a listening ear and care and ask how we can help.   Laura Dugger: (52:14 - 52:29) I think that's a good practical encouragement that you've shared. And I want to add all of these links in our show notes. So, is there anywhere else that we can go to after this conversation to continue learning from you?   Sure.   Stacey Womack: (52:30 - 53:32) We have our website that has a ton of information on it, abuserecovery.org. So, there's just so much on there. We have blogs and we have all kinds of information that the faith community can download for free.   Whether you're just in the community or you're a church leader, there's all kinds of things you can download. We have a pastor's packet. There's just we'll give you other books to read that you can do more education around this again.   I know as my father being a pastor, that pastors are busy enough. We're not asking pastors to do more than what they're doing. We're just asking them to be educated and know where they can send their people that's safe, where they're going to get sound and supportive help.   And to just be open to looking at things from a little bit different perspective. But our website just has so much on it that they can get for free. And again, our women's intervention groups, our recovery groups are free.   Laura Dugger: (53:33 - 53:49) Thank you for sharing that. And you may already be familiar that we're called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge or insight. And so, Stacey is my final question for you today.   What is your savvy sauce?   Stacey Womack: (53:50 - 54:39) What is my savvy sauce? You know, when I think about how God called me into this ministry in the end, no matter what we do, I think it's about obedience to God. And so, this was not on my radar.   I would never have chosen it. And so, for me, it's about being obedient to what God has called me to do, even when it's hard and even when it's unpopular. And walking in that so that when I stand before God, I can say I did what you asked me to, to the best of my ability, even with all my flaws.   So that's really, I think, my heart is to be that way. Be a leader like Moses, who God says he was the most humble man who ever lived. I'd love to be like that with the heart of David and the boldness of Paul and on and on and on.   Laura Dugger: (54:39 - 59:13) So, yeah, I love that. Well, I told you before we pressed record that I have experienced so much fruit of the spirit from you already with your gentleness. And this is not the first time we tried recording.   We prayed together that God would do immeasurably more than all we could ever ask or imagine through this conversation, because we had so many technical difficulties and even had to reschedule the date for this. But Stacey, I'm so grateful you persevered because you are well-spoken and you tackle this extremely difficult topic with wisdom and grace. And so, I'm very grateful I got to learn from you today.   And I believe God's going to continue working through you, even for the saving of many lives. So, thank you for your work and thank you for being my guest. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.    One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term gospel before?   It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news.   Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there is absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death, and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved.   We need a savior. But God loved us so much, he made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him.   That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus.   We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says, “That if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” So, would you pray with me now?   Heavenly Father, thank you for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to you. Will you clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare you as Lord of their life?   We trust you to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.   If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring him for me, so me for him. You get the opportunity to live your life for him. And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason.   We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So, you ready to get started? First, tell someone.   Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes & Noble and let me choose my own Bible.   I selected the Quest NIV Bible, and I love it. You can start by reading the book of John. Also, get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ.   I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps, such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you. We want to celebrate with you too, so feel free to leave a comment for us here if you did make a decision to follow Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read scripture that describes this process.   And finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, “In the same way I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.   And if you've already received this good news, I pray you have someone to share it with. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

How does a family member help while the abuser is trying to isolate the victim?

Coming up on this episode of Flirtations, we welcome Ashley Maland, Host of the "This Is Where We Heal" Podcast, to have a conversation with us about the complex journey of surviving an abusive relationship. We'll uncover how to begin healing from abusive and toxic relationships—whether it's domestic violence, sexual assault, or the emotional scars left by narcissistic abuse—and discover the initial steps you can take if you find yourself in a harmful or volatile situation.  Ashley shares her insights on trusting yourself, practicing self-forgiveness, and how we can build healthy foundations in early dating without rushing, falling into self-sabotage, or repeating old patterns. Together, we'll talk about how your most loving, authentic self is the best version of you—even if past experiences have left you feeling hardened—and how to shift from a victim mentality to that of a victor.  We'll also ask the tough questions, like are all abusers narcissists? Is there really a rock bottom moment, or is that just an illusion? Why is it so hard to break free from an abuser? If you're ready to believe in what's possible, trust your inner voice, and reclaim your power in love and life, then this episode is for you.  Alright Flirties, let's go on on healing journey with Ashley Maland. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review Flirtations on your favorite podcast platform, and share this episode to spread BFE - big flirt energy, all over the world! Enjoying the show and want to support my work? Buy the Flirt Coach a coffee! About our guest:  Ashley Taylor Maland is a multi-talented social media influencer, writer, and healing from DV & SA advocate. With a dedicated following of over half a million followers, she has garnered widespread attention for her impactful content, including viral videos that have amassed over 20 million views. Ashley's platform serves as a space for discussions on healing, authenticity, toxic relationships, self-belief, and self-improvement. Ashley is a resilient single mother who balances her various roles with grace and determination. As the podcast host for “This Is Where We Heal” she utilizes her platform to amplify important conversations and share empowering stories. Using her own experiences to raise awareness and offer support to others facing similar challenges in relationships and healing. Driven by her belief in the power of authenticity, Ashley strives to inspire and encourage her audience to embrace their true selves, prioritize self-care, and break free from toxic relationships. Her unwavering commitment to personal growth and empowerment has solidified her reputation as a positive force in the online community. Her podcast “This Is Where We Heal” can be found on Apple, Spotify & YouTube. Listen to the This is Where We Heal Podcast, and follow Ashley on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. About your host:  Benjamin is a flirt and dating coach sharing his love of flirting and BFE - big flirt energy - with the world! A lifelong introvert and socially anxious member of society, Benjamin now helps singles and daters alike flirt with more confidence, clarity, and fun! As the flirt is all about connection, Benjamin helps the flirt community (the Flirties!) date from a place that allows the value of connection in all forms - platonic, romantic, and with the self - to take center stage. Ultimately, this practice of connection helps flirters and daters alike create stronger relationships, transcend limiting beliefs, and develop an unwavering love for the self. His work has been featured in Fortune, NBC News, The Huffington Post, and Yoga Journal. You can connect with Benjamin on Instagram, TikTok, stream the Flirtations Flirtcast everywhere you listen to podcasts (like right here!), and find out more about working together 1:1 here.

Abusive Relationships 

Morae Morris: The Dimes in Recovery | The Hopeaholics PodcastIn this deeply moving episode of The Hopeaholics Podcast, Morae Morris lays bare her extraordinary journey through 32 years of addiction to over 11 years of sobriety, weaving a narrative of raw pain, spiritual rediscovery, and unyielding hope. With her infectious humor and heartfelt honesty, she shares vivid stories—like finding dimes in unlikely places as signs from God, narrowly escaping suicide during a dark relapse, and navigating physical hardships from surgeries to a septic infection—all while holding fast to her faith. Morae's reflections on rebuilding her bond with her son, whose 31st birthday coincides with the recording, and her transformative embrace of the 12-step program highlight her resilience and growth. Her candid admissions, from joking about addiction to swearing in prayers, reveal a survivor's spirit that refuses to be defined by past trauma, inspiring listeners to find strength in their own struggles and cling to the promise of recovery.#TheHopeaholics #redemption #recovery #AlcoholAddiction #AddictionRecovery #wedorecover  #SobrietyJourney #MyStory #RecoveryIsPossible #Hope #wedorecover Join our patreon to get access to an EXTRA EPISODE every week of ‘Off the Record', exclusive content, a thriving recovery community, and opportunities to be featured on the podcast. https://patreon.com/TheHopeaholics Follow the Hopeaholics on our Socials:https://www.instagram.com/thehopeaholics https://linktr.ee/thehopeaholicsBuy Merch: https://thehopeaholics.myshopify.comVisit our Treatment Centers: https://www.hopebythesea.comIf you or a loved one needs help, please call or text 949-615-8588. We have the resources to treat mental health and addiction. Sponsored by the Infiniti Group LLC:https://www.infinitigroupllc.com Timestamps:00:02:17 - More Pain in Sobriety Than Addiction00:04:44 - Son Goes Missing and Dimes Appear00:09:11 - Feeling Responsible for Another's Relapse in Rehab00:10:14 - Waking Up in Chaos with a Shotgun00:12:32 - Forgetting to Pray and Falling into Anger00:13:16 - Near-Suicide During Dry Sobriety00:14:02 - Life-Threatening Detox in Isolation00:15:24 - Broken Body and Swearing Prayers00:18:18 - Trapped in an Abusive Relationship as a Teen00:19:05 - Amends from an Abuser00:25:38 - Missing Radio City Audition Due to Addiction00:29:28 - Double Vision and Fear of Blindness00:43:48 - Family Mistaking Sobriety for Relapse00:48:17 - Son's Pain After Father's Death01:06:46 - Facing Near-Paralysis After Surgery

Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Is this emotional abuse… or just a hard relationship moment?” You're not alone. In today's episode, Dr. Zoe breaks down the crucial difference between emotional abuse and other common relational struggles—like conflict, insensitivity, emotional immaturity, or human imperfection. When you've grown up in dysfunction or carry the weight of Complex Shame™, it can be hard to trust your internal radar. This conversation is here to help you recalibrate. You'll Learn: What emotional abuse actually looks like—and why it's often so subtle How to distinguish between a painful moment and a toxic pattern The role of Complex Shame™ in how we interpret (and misinterpret) relationship dynamics Why clarity is essential to healing—and how to start finding it Resources Mentioned: [Free Download] Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™: here Are you a writer? Join me in person at the HopeWriters Writing Retreat—a beautiful weekend designed to help you craft, connect, and confidently step into your calling. For one week only, we're offering a Mother's Day special—your spot is just $97 with the code MOM2026. (Valid from April 18th - April 24th) Sign up here   Connect with me: Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram Dr. Zoe Shaw on Facebook Dr. Zoe Shaw Website

If you struggle with worrying about what others think, you may be vulnerable to narcissistic manipulation. Codependents are often conditioned to seek external validation, fearing rejection or judgment. Narcissists exploit this by twisting reality, making you question your own experiences, and using your need for approval against you. They may say, "You're too sensitive," or "No one else sees it that way," to gaslight you into doubting yourself. They might also manipulate social perceptions, controlling how others see you through smear campaigns or triangulation.  In this episode, Lisa A. Romano exposes these tactics and teaches you how to detach from the fear of judgment, trust your own reality, and break free from the narcissist's control. If you don't know just upset you can become when others perceive you in a negative way, you might not realize how someone with high narcissistic traits could use that fear against you to keep you stuck! Tune in now to reclaim your power! We appreciate your like, follow and share.  And if you know someone who needs to know that a narcissist might be using their fears regarding how others perceive them against them, be sure to share this episode with them.  Embark on the path to conscious awakening, emotional healing, and transformation with Lisa's Conscious Healing Academy, which includes a 3 tier coaching system that assists with one's awakening, emotional intelligence, and mental and emotional mastery.  12 Week Breakthrough Program (Level One - The Awakening) 8 Week Master Your Reality (Level 2 -- Deliberate Creating) Soul School - (Level Three -- Ascending Ego) To learn more, contact Lisa and her team members here; Contact Website Spotify Award Winning Books  Facebook Support Group  

This week concludes Get Canceled's deep dive into crazy ass bitches.  Despite being the weaker sex, the female power of emotional manipulation - aka crying - can lead men into some sticky situations ... and not the fun ones like hand to dick sexy special time.  All joking aside, women can be the aggressor in an abusive relationship which society tends to overlook. Can I get a #MenToo???  Sheryl and her two military guests share some advice on what men should look out for and how they can protect themselves.  Please check out Wait... Women Lie? and Social Contagion for the full experience.We have a new segment of the show, Get Canceled Confessions.  Please continue to send your confessions - the good, the bad, definitely the dirty and of course the r*tarded-  to getcanceledinfo@gmail.com and Sheryl will read them on the show!DISCLAIMER: This show is for entertainment purposes only.  The views expressed by the guests do not necessarily reflect the views of Get Canceled.  All guests remain anonymous.If you enjoy, please rate review subscribe and share!Have you or someone you love been canceled?  Sheryl wants to hear from you! Email: getcanceledinfo@gmail.comTwitter: @GetCanceledPodwww.getcanceled.com        

Sara Lynne George is an accomplished freelance writer and published author renowned for her insightful books on trauma and toxic relationships, notably "Don't You Dare Text Him Back: Toxic Relationship Recovery," "I've Never Been to France, She/Her," and "I Ma OHW: The Bipolar Poet." Her writings have deeply resonated with many, especially in categories dealing with trauma and relationships. Sarah's unique perspective is drawn from extensive personal experiences, including overcoming trauma bonding and confronting the challenges of bipolar disorder. Episode Summary:Host Myrna Young engages with Sara Lynne George in a deep-dive discussion on the elusive concept of trauma bonding. Sara, who has herself overcome significant personal traumas, shares her experiences about addiction, navigating the challenging waters of high-end escorting, and surviving toxic relationships. Together, they dissect the signs of trauma bonding, distinguish it from genuine love, and explore the psychological underpinnings that make such bonds so hard to break.Sara elaborates on how past traumas, like sexual abuse, can shape adult relationships, leading many into cycles of toxic, addictive love. Sara provides a strategic guide to breaking free from such unhealthy attachments. This episode delves into her journey of addressing bipolar disorder, coping mechanisms gone awry, and reclaiming self-identity. Key Takeaways:Trauma bonding is an addictive attachment where individuals, despite abuse, feel reliant on their partner for emotional understoodness.Distinguishing love from codependency is crucial; needing someone differs vastly from desiring someone in a healthy relationship.Childhood trauma, especially sexual abuse, can persistently influence adult life, manifesting in self-deprecating choices and toxic relationship dynamics.Overcoming trauma bonds involves cutting off contact and redefining self-worth outside of the toxic relationship context.Mental health support and therapy can play pivotal roles in addressing underlying issues like bipolar disorder, leading to more stable, fulfilling lives.NordVPNGet your Exclusive NordVPN deal here → go to  https://nordvpn.com/transform Podcast: Zuzu: All Grown Up To advertise on our podcast, visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/TransformyourMindor email kriti@youngandprofiting.com See this video on The Transform Your Mind YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@MyhelpsUs/videosTo see a transcripts of this audio as well as links to all the advertisers on the show page https://myhelps.us/Follow Transform Your Mind on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/myrnamyoung/Follow Transform Your mind on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063738390977Please leave a rating and review on iTunes https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transform-your-mind/id1144973094 https://podcast.feedspot.com/personal_development_podcasts/

This week on Get Canceled, Sheryl and the gang do their part to warn men that not all b*tches can be trusted.  It is often the case where women get seduced into abusive relationships that can unfortunately lead to their untimely death.  And while the rise in true crime shows have brought more awareness around such relationships, there is another side to that coin.  Men can easily find themselves in abusive relationships; however, the dynamics look different for them.  Women may lack the strength and brute force that men possess, but their ability to lie and manipulate prove to be just as dangerous.  Today, Get Canceled does a deep dive into female aggressors in this three part episodic arc.    We have a new segment of the show, Get Canceled Confessions.  Please continue to send your confessions - the good, the bad, definitely the dirty and of course the r*tarded-  to getcanceledinfo@gmail.com and Sheryl will read them on the show!DISCLAIMER: This show is for entertainment purposes only.  The views expressed by the guests do not necessarily reflect the views of Get Canceled.  All guests remain anonymous.If you enjoy, please rate review subscribe and share!Have you or someone you love been canceled?  Sheryl wants to hear from you! Email: getcanceledinfo@gmail.comTwitter: @GetCanceledPodwww.getcanceled.com         

We're back for Episode 20 of the MANIA Podcast, here's what we covered this week: Intro & Funny Anecdotes ⏳ 00:00 - Internet Woes While Playing Online Poker ⏳ 01:11 - Superglue Mishap & A Cooking Disaster Influencers in the Neighborhood ⏳ 03:01 - A Purple Lamborghini & A Persistent Roof Salesman Cooking & Fashion ⏳ 06:11 - The $8 Hoodie That Gets Compliments Baby Update & Spiritual Insights ⏳ 09:51 - IVF Update ⏳ 10:54 - A Spiritual Guide Predicts the Future Child Past Lives & AI Theories ⏳ 15:05 - Were You a Mathematician in a Past Life? ⏳ 16:55 - Is AI Just Data, or Something More? Social Media & Parenting ⏳ 24:04 - Netflix's “Adolescence” & The Dark Side of Social Media ⏳ 31:30 - The Chilling True Story of an Online Relationship Gone Wrong Domestic Abuse & Control ⏳ 37:46 - Why Some Victims Feel Trapped in Abusive Relationships ⏳ 41:09 - The Psychological Cage of Domestic Abuse Entertainment & Humor ⏳ 45:04 - “The White Lotus” & The Comedy of Rich People Technology & Ethics ⏳ 49:22 - AI Resurrecting the Dead: The Ethics of CGI Characters Brain Mysteries & Language ⏳ 51:04 - People Waking Up Speaking Foreign Languages? Parenting & The Future of Tech ⏳ 57:47 - Should the Social Media Age Limit Be Raised to 16? Sports & Personal Growth ⏳ 01:03:07 - How Getting Cut from a Basketball Team Changed Everything Emotions & Conflict Resolution ⏳ 01:11:09 - Are You Fear-Based or Anger-Based in Conflict? Golf & Competitive Bets ⏳ 01:19:09 - DNegs CHALLENGES ANegs: Can She Break 100 By 2026?  In this episode: Daniel and Amanda dive into a wild mix of poker, personal stories, and deep conversations in this episode of Mania! From hilarious online poker mishaps and influencer neighbors to deep discussions on AI, past lives, parenting, and social media's dark side—this one has it all. Plus, Daniel proposes an epic golf bet that could lead to a Tesla or some fresh kicks. Don't miss this rollercoaster of humor, controversy, and heartfelt moments! Check out my MasterClass: https://www.masterclass.com/classes/daniel-negreanu-teaches-poker Use PROMO CODE KIDPOKER20 to get 20% off at https://contendersclothing.com/?rfsn=2748061.19d46

In this episode, Lundy Bancroft, a renowned expert on narcissism, abusive relationships, and the family court system, reveals how abusive men manipulate both their partners and the legal system to maintain control. With over 30 years of experience working with abusers and training professionals, Lundy exposes the subtle and overt tactics used by high-conflict individuals to gain power in custody disputes and other legal battles. He shares eye-opening insights from his books, Why Does He Do That? and The Batterer as Parent, highlighting the systemic failures in family courts that often work in favor of abusers, despite clear evidence of harm. Lundy explains why survivors of abuse find themselves in difficult, uphill battles when trying to protect their children and the emotional toll this takes. Lundy also provides practical advice for mothers navigating high-conflict divorces and custody disputes, outlining critical steps to level the playing field and protect children from further harm. He dives deep into the biases within the legal process that enable dangerous individuals to gain access to their children, even when their behavior is abusive. Through this conversation, Lundy offers a powerful look into how the family court system operates, how survivors can reclaim their power, and the ways in which we can push back against a broken system. This episode is an essential listen for anyone dealing with narcissism, abuse, and the complexities of high-conflict divorce and custody battles.   Connect with Lundy: Book - Not To People Like Us: https://www.amazon.com/People-Hidden-Abuse-Upscale-Marriages/dp/B0009K75UO Book - When Dad Hurts Mom: https://www.amazon.com/When-Dad-Hurts-Mom-Witnessing/dp/0425200310 Book - The Batterer as Parent: https://www.amazon.com/Batterer-Parent-Addressing-Domestic-Violence/dp/1412972051 Book - Should I Stay or Should I Go?: https://www.amazon.com/Should-Stay-Relationship-Can-Should-be/dp/042523889X Book - Daily Wisdom: https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Wisdom-Does-That-Encouragement/dp/0425265102#:~:text=Book%20details&text=Lundy%20Bancroft%20expands%20on%20his,what%20is%20happening%20to%20you. Book - The Joyous Recovery: https://www.amazon.com/Joyous-Recovery-Approach-Emotional-Wellness/dp/0578464691 Book - In Custody: https://www.amazon.com/Custody-Carrie-Green-Novel/dp/B09BGLY3P8 Website: https://lundybancroft.com/ Listen to Lundy's BorderlinerNotes YT episode: https://youtu.be/ywsTdzkiPF0?si=TUOmWrBy1pH8u7n1   Journey Beyond Divorce Resources: Follow JBD on Instagram: @journey_beyond_divorce Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com  Join the High Conflict Divorce Support Group: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/hcdsg A word from our sponsor: TalkingParents provides a comprehensive platform designed to simplify co-parenting and enhance communication between parents. With secure messaging, a shared calendar, and features for tracking parenting time, TalkingParents ensures that all important details and agreements are documented and accessible.  We're grateful for TalkingParents' support in simplifying co-parenting and enhancing communication for our listeners. Discover how TalkingParents can bring clarity and organization to your co-parenting journey at www.talkingparents.com/jbd

Hey guys! I just wanted to record an episode as quickly as I could to let you guys know how much ChatGPT helped me with realizing I was unfortunately

Taylor Ballinger: How Tearing My ACL Led to Substance Abuse | The Hopeaholics PodcastTaylor Ballinger opens up about her journey through a turbulent childhood, struggles with addiction, and the path to self-discovery that led her to faith and healing. Growing up with absent parents, Taylor found herself immersed in substance abuse, unhealthy relationships, and a toxic cycle of numbing pain. After suffering an ACL injury and facing the realities of her drinking habits, she turned to personal growth, mental health resources, and ultimately, her faith in God to rebuild her life. Now a fitness and mental health coach, Taylor shares her story to inspire others to break free from their past and find purpose.#thehopeaholics #redemption #recovery #AlcoholAddiction #AddictionRecovery #wedorecover  #SobrietyJourney #MyStory #RecoveryIsPossible #Hope #wedorecover Join our patreon to get access to an EXTRA EPISODE every week of ‘Off the Record', exclusive content, a thriving recovery community, and opportunities to be featured on the podcast. https://patreon.com/TheHopeaholics Follow the Hopeaholics on our Socials:https://www.instagram.com/thehopeaholics https://linktr.ee/thehopeaholicsBuy Merch: https://thehopeaholics.myshopify.comVisit our Treatment Centers: https://www.hopebythesea.comIf you or a loved one needs help, please call or text 949-615-8588. We have the resources to treat mental health and addiction. Sponsored by the Infiniti Group LLC:https://www.infinitigroupllc.com Timestamps:00:03:12 – Realizing Her Childhood Was Difficult00:05:18 – Growing Up Without Parental Guidance00:09:04 – Parents' Divorce and Its Aftermath00:13:21 – Struggles with Food and Stability00:19:04 – Getting Her Own Apartment in High School00:21:49 – Discovering Her Mom's Infidelity00:23:14 – Cutting Ties with Her Mother for Years00:28:07 – Recognizing Unhealthy Relationship Patterns00:30:35 – Finding Healing Through Faith00:39:17 – Getting Involved in Mental Health Coaching00:42:53 – Early Introduction to Alcohol and Partying00:44:06 – Abusive Relationship and Substance Abuse00:46:24 – ACL Injury Leading to Heavier Drinking00:49:36 – COVID Lockdowns Forced Self-Reflection00:51:12 – Learning to Break the Cycle of Addiction

This week Kyla Steele opens up about the abusive relationship that led her to help others in post-abuse recovery. She shares the trauma bond that keeps people in bad relationships, why it's important to heal the trust with yourself, and how some "love actions" are rooted in control. Follow Kyla Steele: @thekylasteele Follow Morgan: @webgirlmorgan Follow Take This Personally: @takethispersonallySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Send us a textWhat we experience in childhood plays an integral role in our adult lives. Those experiences, when they are neglect, abuse, and degradation, can set us up for having unhealthy or abusive relationships in the future. Join as our friend Dana chats with us about her experiences and how they made her vulnerable to the abuse she later experienced.  For more about Dana, find her on Instagram @danas.diaz, on Facebook at DanaSDiazAuthor, and on her website danasdiaz.com.Stay up to date with our episodes and happenings by following us on Facebook, Threads, Instagram, and LinkedIn and please email any questions or feedback to TouchySubjectsPodcast@gmail.com or head to our website TouchySubjectsPodcast.com.If you or someone you know wants assistance please call the National Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or visit https://www.thehotline.org or the National Sexual Assault Helpline at 1-800-656-4673 or RAINN.org.Music credits: Uplifting Summer by Alex_MakeMusic (2021) Licensed under a Pixabay License. http://pixabay.com/music/dance-uplifting-summer-10356/The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are the host's own and might not represent the official views and opinions of the agencies in which they represent. 

Barbara Bartolome shares the story of her Near-Death Experience, occurring during surgery to repair a back injury she suffered at the hands of an abusive husband. During her encounter on the Other Side, she describes being wrapped in a beautiful blanket of love and shares what it was like to feel Absolute Acceptance in the presence of God. Barbara also talks about the strength her Near-Death Experience gave her to change her Life once she returned to her body and how she stays in Contact with the Other Side every day.

Explore the tactics abusive partners use to maintain control, how emotional abuse can impact divorce and custody proceedings, and—most importantly—how to protect yourself, rebuild your confidence, and move forward with clarity. When emotional abuse in your relationship or divorce, it becomes confusing, isolating, and overwhelming. Many people don't realize that abuse isn't always physical—disrespect, manipulation, and control can be just as damaging, especially during separation. In this episode, we're joined by Krasi Kirova, a clinical psychologist specializing in complex trauma, emotional and psychological abuse, and family violence. With extensive experience in trauma-informed approaches, Krasi helps us break down the Three Ds of Emotional Abuse—Disrespect, Disempowerment, and Distortion—and how these behaviors can show up in divorce.

Chelsea can't seem to quit comedy, Lindsay has friendship amnesia, and we just want to feel special.Send us a textSupport the showConnect with Honestly Smartlesshonestlysmartless.comIG: @honestlysmartlessTikTok: @honestlysmartlessChelsea's IG: @chelsea_turanoLindsay's IG: @dr.lindsayregehrYouTube: Honestly Smartless Send us a text Support the show and will give you a shout out

JoJo and former RNC Chairman Michael Steele talk about how President Trump is disintegrating our democracy and constitution piece by piece.

Welcome back to The Eight Podcast! This week, Javi and Fossie dive into some wild topics, including the tragic story of Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie, a deep discussion on abusive relationships, and why Trump's $5M “Gold Card” for U.S. citizenship sounds insane.Javi also shares his ongoing weight loss journey and Fossie talks about the nightmare his dog put him through with a trip to the vet (spoiler: diarrhea was involved).Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe for more!Timestamps:00:00 – Intro & Podcast Merch Plug01:18 – Javi's Weight Loss Journey & Treadmill Struggles07:11 – Fossie's Dog Has a Diarrhea Disaster20:52 – Foss Gets a Free Oil Change by Complaining23:18 – The Chilling Story of Gabby Petito & Brian Laundrie56:11 – Trump's $5M Gold Card for U.S. Citizenship58:38 – Eagles Don't Actually Sound Like You Think01:00:04 – Trump Embarrassing Himself w/ Ukraine President01:01:00 – Anti-Aging Pill for Dogs?01:02:30 – Final Thoughts on Abusive Relationships

What should you do if your friend is in an abusive relationship?! Find out what not to do and what will be most beneficial in this episode today. Help ISHA WARRIORS help more teens! If we raise $2,000 we get to advertise this podcast and the free work we offer teens to 100,000 people! SHARE MONDAY MINDSET WITH MORE TEENSDonations make it possible for us to continue to produce life changing podcasts and provide free yoga to teens!!  DONATE HEREI've gone in-depth in previous episodes as to what abuse in a relationship looks like, so if you are just joining me today, click on the links I will put in the show notes to get a better understanding of this really complex and often times confusing topic!  What is the #1 Way to Prevent Teen Dating Violence?What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?Spot the Signs. Stop the Cycle.Don't Settle For Less.What NOT to Do:"When we see a friend in a bad situation, our first instinct is to try and fix it. But there are some things you should avoid:Don't attack the abuser directly. Don't blame or shame your friend. Don't try to force them out. Don't give up on them. What TO Do:Be a safe space.Talk, don't pressure. Help them recognize the abuse. Give them resources. Help them create a safety plan. Be patient. RESOURCE LINKS:https://www.teendvmonth.org/resources/https://www.loveisrespect.orghttps://jbws.org/services/#helplinehttps://www.breakthecycle.org/If in the USA-National Domestic Violence Hotline is: 800-799-7233Send us a textSupport the showClick below to make a one time donation and help "Monday Mindset With ISHA WARRIORS" bring peace & empowerment to more teens all over the world!Donate Here

Helping people admit what they feel in order to heal from the effects of narcissism from a Biblical and Psychological perspective. Website: www.NarcAbuseNoMore.org Email: NarcAbuseNoMore@mail.com Donate via PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=F37STVQCNJ9D8 CASH APP - $evangelistklrch1975 IT Iz FINISHED End Times' Ministries Website: www.ITIzFINISHED.com IT Iz FINISHED Email: ITIzFINISHED@mail.com Watch on YouTube at: https://www.youtube.com/@NarcAbuseNoMore Watch on Rumble… https://rumble.com/c/c-1334751 Watch on Brighteon…  www.brighteon.com/channels/narcissisticabusenomore Telegram: https://t.me/itizfinishedBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/narcissistic-abuse-no-more--2855898/support.

Welcome to season 6 Ep: 247 of Hangin with Da Boys Podcast!Thank you for Hangin with Da Boys!In this powerful episode, we sit down with Josee Perrine, a dual-licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Clinical Alcohol and Drug Counselor, to delve into the complex dynamics of abusive relationships. We unpack the insights from her book, "The Saber-Tooth Tiger: The One Reason Women Stay with Abusive Men," exploring the core psychological mechanisms that trap women in cycles of abuse.Beyond the book, we tackle the hard-hitting realities of divorce in America in 2024. What are the unique challenges women face when leaving abusive situations in today's society? Join us for a raw and honest conversation that sheds light on the often-misunderstood realities of abuse and the resilience it takes to break free. Whether you're personally impacted by these issues, a mental health professional, or simply seeking a deeper understanding, this episode offers invaluable insights and a path towards healing and empowerment.this podcast is produced and mastered by: J Alvarez @ JAA7 StudiosIf you like what you hear, please consider (Rate/Subscribe/Favorite/Share) and please tell a FRIEND!Also check us out on our social platforms:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  @DaBoysPod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ , ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ , ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  - @DaBoys_Podand our website ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.DaboysPod.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

In this powerful episode, we hear the story of Alice, who shares her brave journey through two contrasting pregnancies and the impact of intimate partner violence on her mental health. Co-host Sarah joins as one of our VBAC Link certified doulas to discuss the importance of mental health awareness, especially during pregnancy and postpartum. This episode dives into the significance of having a strong support system and the need for open conversations about postpartum mood disorders and trauma-informed care. Alice is a beautiful example of resilience, healing, and the strength that women possess.National Domestic Violence HotlineNeeded WebsiteHow to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for ParentsFull Transcript under Episode Details Meagan: Women of Strength. Hello. How are you doing? I hope you are having an amazing week. We have another story coming your way today, and we actually have a co-host today, my friend Sarah. Hello, Sarah.Sarah: Hi.Meagan: Thank you so much for being here today.Sarah: Yeah, I'm super excited to be here.Meagan: I love having our VBAC Link doulas on the podcast here and there. It's fun to not only share you with the world and let people know who you are and where you are, but really just to hear from you guys and hear your educational pieces and just have you guys in the story and giving your input, and I just love it. So thank you so much for being here.Sarah: Absolutely.Meagan: Guys, today, like I said, we have an HBAC coming your way. But I did want to let you know that today's episode may have mention of partner abuse and suicide. I really, really, really think it is so important to really not mask stories and share the rawness of people's stories because I think the rawness and the real story is what makes us who we are today and really creates the story to be true. I just wanted to give you guys a heads-up. But I'm going to turn the time over to Sarah. She is in replace of our review today doing an educational piece and actually talking about mental health.Sarah: Yeah. Hi. So again, I'm super excited to be here. I'm Sarah Marie Bilder. I'm located in the upstate South Carolina area and I do birth and postpartum doula work. I really just wanted to cover the topic of mental health because in the story that we're gonna hear today, it's pretty relevant and it's one of those things that aren't often talked about. I don't wanna say that that's not talked about because when we say that it kind of, I feel, diminishes the people that are talking about it. It's important to really highlight when we are talking about it. But a lot of the times when we're preparing for pregnancy, we're focused on the physical aspects or maybe mindfulness or something along those lines, but we don't really dig deep into postpartum mood disorders or when there are mood disorders that are still occurring in pregnancy or even that might exist before we're pregnant that will still continue throughout pregnancy. So it's really important to make sure that we're having these conversations and that we're being open and honest with the people around us. Maybe if you aren't in therapy or have somebody sort of set up along those lines, you still have a close friend or a support person that you can be sharing this information with or really opening up about the feelings that you're having because they are very real feelings, and even into postpartum, it goes more than just the baby blues. There are a lot of different things that can be occurring and happening that it's really important to continue to have those support people. So as a doula, this is something that I make sure my clients are aware of and open to, and I try to be as much of a support person as possible, but knowing when professionals need to step in and when situations need to be handled I think is really key. So making sure that you have people to talk to, making sure when you listen to these stories that you are considering different situations and different aspects and that we're talking to our mom friends too. If you're not the one currently going through it, if you're hearing somebody else going through different situations, we're continuing to stay open and stay together and stay supportive.Meagan: Yes, I love that. Thank you so much for that message. I also want to add through to it that after we have our babies, we are given a six-week follow-up. You do not have to wait six weeks to talk to your provider. If you are feeling these feelings, you do not have to wait until then. You one, can get in sooner. But two, there are other resources, and we will make sure to have those resources shared at the end of this episode and in our show notes. So if you or anyone that you know and love are experiencing these things, please know that there is more help. Okay, Alice and Sarah, thank you so much again for being here today. I want to turn the time over to you, Ms. Alice.Alice: Hello. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited to be here and share my story.Meagan: Me too.Alice: So I have had two pregnancies, two births, and they were both very, very different. My first pregnancy, when I think about when I found out I was pregnant with my first, it was the lowest point of my life. I was nine months into being married to my abuser and had really lost my entire sense of self. I was at this point where I just didn't understand how I had gotten there. I didn't understand how I had married him. I found myself hospitalized from a suicide attempt. I also had no social support. I had no family in the area. I had no job. My husband was an attorney, and I relied on his friends and his family for emotional support. I was hospitalized and felt very lost. About a week into my hospitalization, the staff, who were constantly running tests and blood draws, pulled me out of a group where I was learning how to deeply breathe, and to my shock, told me I was pregnant. I had no idea. It was just a very out-of-body experience being hospitalized for mental illness. Some people can find it really helpful in healing, and it can also be a trauma in itself, and it was that for me. So to be in this setting where I had no freedom, and then these people were telling me what was inside of my body. It was-- I couldn't process it. I was very disconnected to my pregnancy at first. The next five days of being hospitalized, I was presented with a lot of information about pregnancy and intimate partner violence. It's information that I think is really important for providers to know, but it was presented to me as a new pregnant person in an abusive relationship in a way that felt really coercive and fear-mongering. They told me that the leading cause of death in the United States for pregnant women was intimate partner homicide. Meagan: Okay. Alice: Yeah. I remember one provider telling me, "Your options are to terminate the pregnancy or to leave him now. It's our professional opinion that if you stay in this relationship while pregnant, it's very likely that he will kill you before you give birth." Meagan: Gosh. Alice: I remember feeling so shocked and afraid. I knew I wanted to be a mom. I think the decision to continue a pregnancy or not when you're faced with, it's always a difficult decision. It was for me because I was afraid, and I knew I wanted to be a mom. I also knew that I couldn't leave yet. The leaving is really complicated, and it's not a direct line to safety. I remember feeling when they were talking to me about leaving, like, "Well, you could go here or you could call this person," thinking like, don't you think I've already thought of this? Don't you think I've thought of every way to keep myself safe? Now I was pregnant, and I wanted the assumption that I was making decisions that were best for me and my baby. My pregnancy was difficult. I had hyperemesis and I had this pregnancy rash that was really itchy my whole pregnancy. They kept testing my bile levels, and they were all normal and never knew what was going on. I have scars on my body from scratching. I'm pretty sure now that it was just stress and breaking out in hives throughout my pregnancy. I had broken ribs in my third trimester. When I think about that pregnancy, I remember it being a time of suffering and fear. I feel sad for myself when I think of myself during that time experiencing pregnancy like that. At the same time, I had an incredible midwifery team based out of a hospital. I can't say enough about how supportive and trauma-informed they were. They never pressured me to leave. They asked questions like, "What can we do to help? How can we make you safer?" They trusted that I was doing everything I could and that I knew how to keep myself safe and how to keep my baby safe. I was living with my in-laws when I went into labor with my first. I had moved in and out of our home depending on how safe it was. I didn't have anywhere to go other than his parents'. I was living with them and my waters had been leaking for a few days and I knew. I was like, I know I'm not peeing this much all the time. I knew that my waters were leaking, but I didn't want to go to the hospital yet because I hadn't started contracting, and I knew they would induce. I started having contractions at midnight. I went in about 24 hours later. It was really slow. I tried everything I could to get things moving, but it just wouldn't speed up. I ended up being induced. I don't necessarily regret the decision to be induced. It did lead to a C-section, but when I went into the hospital, I didn't know what home I would go to. I wanted to be there. I remember thinking, I want to stay here. If that means I have to get induced, that means I get induced. But I felt much safer being in a hospital at that point. They started the induction process. I had a doula come, and I also had my therapist come. She was with me through my entire labor at the hospital and birth for-- she was there maybe 45 hours. We had made a contract and it's pretty innovative to have my therapist there as a support person at my birth. I think it's an induction story that we all know my body wasn't ready. I was on Pitocin for a very long time. Baby's heart rate started decelerating, not tolerating labor, and made the decision to have a Cesarean. It wasn't the birth that I wanted, but it was the safety that I wanted. I had support there. They made sure to tell me specific things that were in my birth plan that were triggers for me. When I was laid on the table for the C-section, someone got very close to my ear and said, "No one's tying you down. I know your arms are out. It might feel like that, but know you are not restrained." At one point, the anesthesiologist started petting my head because he was sitting by my head. The obstetrician who was just there to do my C-section, wasn't there for very long. She had read my birth plan and said to the male anesthesiologist, "She doesn't like her head to be touched." He stopped. I felt very seen. I did skin-to-skin in the delivery room. My therapist was in the operating room with me. It wasn't a terrible Cesarean experience. So postpartum was pretty hard. When I left the hospital, I was living alone with my baby. My in-laws agreed to encourage my husband to live with them so that we could be safe from him during the postpartum time. But living alone after a C-section with no family or friends and no doula was very, very difficult. My husband had substance-use disorder, and he took my pain medication when I got home. I just remember being in a lot of pain. I also was in this haze of falling in love with my baby. It still shocks me that I did not experience postpartum depression with my first. I was depressed through my pregnancy, and I also think I was in such a survival mode during the first year of my first baby's life that I didn't have any space to process or space to grieve. I was surviving. One year after giving birth to my first, I did file for divorce to get a restraining order and safely flee with my child, but it was a very long, difficult road.Meagan: If you are someone who is experiencing domestic violence during pregnancy, postpartum or just in general, there is help. You can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.Alice: So that was my first birth experience. Fast forward to four years later, I've memorialized the day that I found out that I was pregnant with my first because it was such the lowest point of my life. I think of it as this time where I was ready for my life to end. I'm gonna cry, but instead my life doubled and it led to this beautiful little human who I get to be a mom to and really changed the trajectory of my entire life, so I call it my life day. Four years later, on my life day, I was in a loving relationship with the most gentle man. I still am in that relationship. I felt like things were a little wonky with my body. I woke up and took a pregnancy test and saw on the exact same day that the hospital told me that I was pregnant, four years later, I had a positive pregnancy test. I was in a home that I owned, a home that was safe and filled with love and a relationship that was safe and loving. It was just so different. I went and I laid in bed with my then 3-year-old and said, "We're gonna be just fine." And I knew that we were going to be. My second pregnancy was also different. It was very healing. I experienced a lot of sadness again because I think I had space to grieve the first time. It also happened because I got pregnant right around the same time. It was like this weird re-do of my first one now with a loving partner and safety and getting to be pregnant. I think about what I wanted for my body and how to stay healthy. I didn't take a single vitamin during my first pregnancy. I was just focused on, how do I stay safe today? I can't even count all the supplements I was on this time. I knew pretty soon that I wanted a home birth. I feel like I was pretty educated on VBAC. I had been listening to The VBAC Link since I was pregnant with my first. I don't know why because I hadn't had a C-section yet, but I had loved the podcast and I knew the rates of repeat Cesareans. I also work in labor and delivery units and I know that they're very risk-averse. I felt like it was the safest option to birth at home. I also felt the weight of how precious it was to have a safe home that I could birth in. It was very meaningful for me to give birth in a space that was mine and was safe. My partner, who knew nothing about home birth, I broached the subject with him early in pregnancy was like, "I want to let you know. I don't know what you think about this, but I want to have a home birth." And he was just like, "Great." I was pretty surprised that he was so on board, but he trusted me, and he trusted me the whole way through. I did not have hyperemesis the second time. I didn't have the rash problem. I didn't have the broken ribs. I did have a lot of pain from pubic symphysis. Yeah, the second half of my pregnancy was like very difficult to even walk. I broke my pelvis in my teenage years and was a little unsure of how that healed. I broke it in two places. I have had this fear of, what if there's a bunch of scar tissue around a bone and baby's head couldn't get through? So I had that fear as well going into my home birth. My midwife was very skilled and very kind. It was a different experience of prenatal care. I also really loved my hospital prenatal care. I think given that I was in a high-risk situation, I loved my hospital prenatal care. It was exactly what I needed. And in my second birth, my home birth midwife was exactly what I needed. In my second birth, I went over my due date by 11 days which was such a mind game. I was so over it. I was just this crazy person who was doing everything that I could to get this baby out of me, but also was like, "No, I wanna be holistic. I don't to be induced. I'm not gonna--," so there were two parts of myself that were battling each other. But I, finally went into labor. My mother was here as well. My family lives far away, but my mother came to support me this time. It was just my mom and my partner and my three-year-old. I labored at home. I had my music. It was just a lovely experience of laboring and of joining in this experience that so many women have had of pain and beauty and endurance and strength. I felt so connected to the world and to women and to my mom. My midwife came. I started laboring at 7:00 PM. At 2:00 PM the next day, my midwife came. I labored in the tub. I had a blow-up birthing pool. I felt like labor was pretty straightforward until the last five hours that I was fully dilated, but he just wasn't descending. The midwife checked me and said that his head was stuck on my pubic bone. He was stuck there for five hours. It was a lot of pushing, but I wasn't really pushing the right way.It felt like contractions that just weren't producing anything. It wasn't opening anything. It wasn't moving him down. It was just nothing. I started to get really discouraged. We joke a lot about how belligerent I was towards the end. Right before I gave birth, I got very bossy and I decided it wasn't go going to happen. Like, "He's not going to descend. I'm over this. Call 911. Tell them to bring drugs. I need them here now." My midwife was like, "That's not how it works." I was like "No, call the police. Tell them to bring narcotics. I need to stop feeling this." I was being ridiculous. My midwife was encouraging me saying, "He is coming down. I know you're not feeling it, but I feel his head and it's right there. I think you're gonna have a car baby if we get in the car. and I don't want that to happen." I'm not a rude person, but I guess in labor, I am. But I stuck my finger in my vagina, and I was like, "Well, I don't feel him." They were loading up to go to the hospital because I was so insistent that this was not happening. I was standing in the living room and I said, "Wait." My partner was like, "She said wait." I could feel him coming down. It was the first time I really felt his head coming through my birth canal. It was such a different feeling. In 30 minutes, I pushed him out standing in our living room. It was just beautiful and lovely, and he was on my chest. My 3-year-old was there. Baby was on my chest. I was lying on my partner's chest. Nothing else mattered in that moment. Yeah. It was a lovely, beautiful, healing experience to come full-circle. I also gave birth on the four-year anniversary of filing for divorce and getting a restraining order from my abuser. It's like all of these things lined up just to give me this healing experience of new life.Meagan: Yeah. Seriously, these milestones that you're able to overcome from the past and replace with joy and beauty and excitement and healing. Oh, I have chills through the whole episode. How about you, Sarah?Sarah: Yeah. There's just so many parts of your story that are so unique and so fitting. There's so much strength in it, and there's so much emotion in listening and feeling all of the things that obviously you were going through. And some were external, but a lot were very internal. Thank you for sharing your story. The ability to be able to share your story takes so much strength in itself. Yeah.Meagan: We could see that and could see it in your eyes. You had my eyes welling up a few times. I was just feeling all the emotion as you were sharing and all the heartache in the beginning that you were sharing. And I loved how you were like, "I was in this. I was going through this really terrible, scary experience," but you were able to stay in this haze of bonding and you two together, you two thriving and surviving in this really unfortunate circumstance, but I am so glad that you were able to have that and grow and then now have this safe, loving home, and two cute babes.Alice: Yeah, they are cute.Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. And although your story's so unique, it's also in very many of our VBAC stories. We have that traumatic experience and then it leads to that very healing experience. I think it's just one of those things. You had mentioned having that space to process and getting out of that survival mode too. I think that's really amazing to honor that and mention that because sometimes we are just in that survival mode, and we don't allow ourself or we don't have the ability to give ourselves that time to really process what is occurring and what is happening. And a lot of the time we just need to do that, and we need to allow ourselves the time to do some fear-clearing and release a lot of that anxiety and other fears that are happening and going on.Meagan: Also on the end of the story, when you were talking about five hours where baby was just kind of hanging out there and you were stuck there pushing, but not really pushing, but in this weird, funky spot in labor, we have seen this where people are pushing and they're like, "Your baby's not descending." We are actually given a diagnosis of failure to descend as a reason for Cesarean, but then simply standing up and moving-- and I'm sure you were moving and grooving along the way, but it just sometimes is one specific motion. It might have been the quickness of you standing up like, "Okay, I'm going. We're going to do this," that did it. We don't know.I love seeing too that you were saying, "I had a broken pelvis in the past. I don't really know how that healed." In a lot of ways, a lot of providers would be like, "You had a broken pelvis. You don't have a proven pelvis. I don't know. I don't think I'm comfortable with this." But then here you did it, right? But that movement and I don't know, I just feel like there's so much power within our bodies that it's just incredible, and I love seeing that. And then your partner was like, "Wait, hold on. Don't go anywhere. I think we're staying." I love that that is exactly how it unfolded and that your other baby was able to be there with you, and just so many amazing things about your story. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and just being here with us.Alice: Thank you. Thank you for having me.ClosingWould you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan's bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-vbac-link/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Sometimes the wool is pulled over our eyes so long, we don't recognize abuse. We tend to normalize and tolerate unhealthy relationships after being exposed to them for an exorbitant interim of time. Yet that does not make it okay, or safe. These people are dangerous- as they pose a threat to our autonomy, aspirations, relationships, and personal growth. As someone who's overcome several abusive relationships, I want to share with you a thing or two that would allow you to identify the abuser(s) in your life. You can't get free from what you don't perceive son... Stay blessed, not stressed.

A warning for all viewers and listeners: This episode can be distressing as the topic is around domestic abuse.    This episode is sponsored by Funding Loop: Funding Loop automates the process for nurseries of collecting funding forms from parents and typing that information into council portals. Funding Loop is used by over 2000 nurseries including over 80% of the top 25 nursery chains in the UK including Busy Bees. To find out more visit: https://www.fundingloop.co.uk/home   Tina Pokuaah, safeguarding consultant at Kesis Consulting, reflects on the impact of domestic abuse on children: Domestic abuse has devastating effects on children, often beginning before birth. This article and episode explore the hidden impact of domestic abuse on young lives, from pregnancy to early childhood, and highlights the urgent need for greater awareness and specialised training. Taking a holistic approach, it emphasises the importance of recognising signs of abuse, being professionally curious, and developing cultural competence to provide appropriate support.   Read Tina Pokuaah's article here: https://thevoiceofearlychildhood.com/hurt-from-conception-reflecting-on-the-impact-of-domestic-abuse-on-children/   Episode break down: 00:00 – The role of a safeguarding consultant 03:15 – Statistics around domestic abuse 04:20 – Men as victims of domestic abuse 06:00 – Allowing people to speak up 08:00 – Disclosure is often a journey 08:45 – Creating a safety plan 10:00 – Barriers preventing someone leaving an abusive relationships 11:40 – Recognising specific sings of domestic abuse 14:50 – Being professionally curious 15:50 – Taking a holistic approach 17:10 – When a friend or neighbour is experiencing domestic abuse 20:30 – Perpetrator programmes 21:45 – Barriers to speaking up 25:20 – Cultural barriers and cultural competence 27:15 – The need for more in depth training 30:00 – Educating young people and children around healthy relationships 32:00 – Support services for those in need For more episodes and articles visit The Voice of Early Childhood website: https://www.thevoiceofearlychildhood.com

RESOURCES- Go to earthechofoods.com and use the code PODCAST at checkout to receive a 15% discount on your first order- Free of artificial flavors, sugars, and dyes- It's only 5 calories per serving, and every order comes with a 365-day money-back guarantee so you can try it risk-free. Visit http://nativehydrate.com/DANETTE to see what Native Hydrate could do for your health- Give the gift of wellness this Valentine's Day with PURALITY HEALTH's Ashwagandha.For a limited time, enjoy our Buy One, Get One FREE offer! Shop now at http://longevityroot.com/danettemay- Try ImmunoBlast for 25% OFF! Go to immunoblast1.com and enter code: 25 at checkout to supercharge your immune system this cold & flu season!CONNECT WITH DANETTEInstagram: @thedanettemayFacebook: Danette MayTikTok: @thedanettemayNEW TV Show on Youtube: @TheDanetteMayListen to The Danette May ShowRead my book: danettemay.com/embraceabundancebookGet The Rise book: therisebook.comWork with Danette: danettemay.comIn this powerful episode of The Danette May Show, I dive deep into the reality of abusive relationships and how they shape our growth, self-worth, and even our physical health. I explore how children encounter abuse daily, the inner conflict of wanting to grow but feeling stuck, and the surprising connection between emotional trauma and weight loss. We discuss the importance of recognizing that support is already available, the truth that hurt people hurt people, and why conviction and convenience cannot coexist. I also guide you through key questions to help release resentment and rise above past pain, reminding you that anything no longer aligned with your frequency will naturally move away. This episode is a must-listen for anyone ready to break free and step fully into their power.IN THIS EPISODE:(3:14) I believe kids bump into abuse at school on the daily (4:01) “I want to grow but I haven't fully step into it”(8:50) Recognize that the life persever is already out(10:14) Conviction and convenience do not live on the same block (15:33) How do you remove resentment in order to rise?(21:06) Hurt people hurt people(22:47) Questions I need you to write down(27:02) The things that are no longer in your frequency match will move away from you

Abi Adams talks about economic abuse as it relates to intimate partner violence. “The Dynamics of Abusive Relationships” by Abi Adams, Kristiina Huttunen, Emily Nix, and Ning Zhang. OTHER RESEARCH WE DISCUSS IN THIS EPISODE: "Motherhood and Violence" by Gabriela Deschamps. "Female empowerment and male backlash: Experimental evidence from India" by Claire Cullen, Sarthak Joshi, Joseph Vecci, and Julia Talbot-Jones. "The Unintended Impacts of an Intimate Partner Violence Prevention Program: Experimental Evidence from Rwanda" by Claire Cullen, Arthur Alik-Lagrange, Mũthoni Ngatia, and Julia Vaillant. "Method Matters: The Underreporting of Intimate Partner Violence" by Claire Cullen. "Violence against Women at Work" by Abi Adams, Kristiina Huttunen, Emily Nix, and Ning Zhang. "The Economic Cost of Rape" by Abi Adams, Kristiina Huttunen, Emily Nix, and Ning Zhang. [Available from the authors.]

Shelbi Cullen • Selected Scriptures • Joint Heirs Ladies T.E.A.

Shauna Rae joins Matt and Abby to share her journey of overcoming challenges shaped by her rare condition, pituitary dwarfism. She opens up about facing discrimination, struggling with infertility, escaping an abusive relationship, and why she's keeping her boyfriend's identity private. This episode is sponsored by LiquidIV, Acorns Early, Beam and AdoreMe. LiquidIV: Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to https://LiquidIV.com and use code UNPLANNED at checkout. Acorns Early: Head to https://acornsearly.com/unplanned or download the Acorns app to get started. Beam: Try Beam's best-selling Dream Powder and get up to 40% off for a limited time when you go to https://shopbeam.com/unplanned and use code UNPLANNED at checkout. AdoreMe: For bra and panty sets for as low as $19.95, head to https://AdoreMe.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Ashley finds herself stuck in an abusive relationship, only the intervention of her pup Zeda could make her walk away. 

Hey Gorgeous!This is probably the most vulnerable podcast episode I have recorded and I have been wanting to record it for a while because quite frankly I think way too many women are stuck in the hamster wheel of toxic polarity content and it is actually harming you. If you want to spend 21 days together deep in Sacred Feminine Practices you can do so here: https://themagneticwoman.com/goddess-within

Justine De Peralta is a former classroom teacher turned Certified Financial Educator (CFEI), Money Coach, Domestic Violence Counselor & face behind @msfinancialfit on Instagram dedicated to empowering BIPOC women and dv survivors with financial literacy + confidence.Her advocacy began in 2007, serving at a local courthouse assisting individuals facing divorce, child custody, and eviction—where financial struggles and domestic violence often emerged as key issues.After leaving an abusive marriage and overcoming her own financial challenges, including debt, collections, and living paycheck to paycheck, Justine rebuilt her life stronger, smarter, healthier, and wealthier. Now, she helps women do the same.She's also the author of her upcoming debut book, Girl, Jump!, is a powerful guide for women, especially BIPOC and domestic violence survivors, looking to reclaim their financial power and rebuild their lives after hardship.Drawing from her own journey of overcoming an abusive marriage and financial struggles, Justine offers practical tools, strategies, and personal insights to help women break free from limiting beliefs and take control of their financial future. This book is not just about finances—it's about courage, healing, and thriving. She empowers readers to face their challenges head-on, transform their relationship with money, and embrace a healthier, wealthier, and more confident life.For full episode show notes, visit here.Watch the full interview on our YouTube channel! Subscribe here.My new book is officially available to buy! Order Financially Lit! Today!Want our merch? Get yours here!Check out this YQD™ Sponsor:BetterHelp—Professional support when you need it, at a fraction of the cost of in-person therapy. Get 10% off your first month with our sponsor: https://betterhelp.com/dinero Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/YoQuieroDinero. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When someone keeps hurting you, you might blame yourself and think if you were only better, they'd stop. But as their hurtful behavior continues, resentment builds and you start questioning everything about yourself.

Riley Rees chats with intuitive health and life coach Sara Garofalo about her transformative journey through energy healing. Sara shares how overcoming personal challenges, including an autoimmune disorder and an abusive relationship, led her to embrace holistic healing. Through energy work, Sara found empowerment and clarity, reconnecting with her authentic self. Tune in for an inspiring conversation on the power of energy healing and trusting your intuition to reclaim your health and happiness.In this episode we chat about:Sara Garofalo's Journey to Self-HealingFrom Nutritional Deficiency to IndependenceHow Health Issues May Signal the Need for ChangeHow Energy Healing Restores Your EnergyEpisode resources:Sara Garofalo's Instagram (Instagram)Love Holistic Living website (website)Sign up for Tai Chi, Qigong, meditation, mindfulness, and Yoga live classes with Prime (get free trial)Thank you so much for tuning in! If you enjoyed the content, we would love it if you took 2 minutes to leave a 5-star review!The Sofia Unfiltered by Sofia Health is for general informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services, including the giving of medical advice. No doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have. For any health concerns, users should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals.

In this episode of The Wholesome Fertility Podcast, Dr. Amelia Kelley @drameliakelley , a trauma-informed therapist, discusses her journey and insights into high sensitivity, coping mechanisms, and the impact of trauma on mental health. She explores the differences between empathy and compassion, the importance of understanding one's nervous system, and shares her personal fertility journey, highlighting the integration of holistic approaches such as acupuncture and herbal medicine. In this conversation, Dr. Amelia Kelley and Michelle explore the complexities of pregnancy loss, trauma, and the role of the nervous system in fertility. They discuss the importance of letting go of control and embracing spirituality, as well as the dynamics of being a highly sensitive person (HSP). The conversation delves into the benefits of body awareness and how it can aid in healing, while also addressing the challenges HSPs face in relationships and daily life. Ultimately, they highlight the adaptive nature of high sensitivity and its prevalence in the population, encouraging listeners to embrace their sensitivity as a gift rather than a burden.   Takeaways   Coping skills should be viewed as a lifestyle. High sensitivity is a genetic trait, not a flaw. Empathy can have negative health effects. Highly sensitive people require more alone time for regulation. Generational trauma can impact reproductive health. Understanding one's nervous system is crucial for coping. Holistic approaches can aid in fertility journeys. Stress and nervous system balance are crucial for fertility. Highly sensitive people (HSPs) experience the world differently. Body awareness can enhance healing processes. HSPs often respond more positively to therapeutic interventions. High sensitivity is an adaptive trait found in many individuals. Embracing sensitivity can lead to greater self-awareness and compassion.   Guest Bio:   Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, author, co-host of The Sensitivity Doctor's Podcast, researcher, and certified meditation and yoga instructor. Her specialties include art therapy, internal family systems (IFS), EMDR, and brainspotting. Her work focuses on women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, highly sensitive persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.    She is currently a psychology professor at Yorkville University and a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on SiriusXM Doctor Radio's The Psychiatry Show as well as NPR's The Measure of Everyday Life. Her private practice is part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute.    She is the author of Powered by ADHD: Strategies and Exercises for Women to Harness their Untapped Gifts (whichhas a corresponding online support group!), Gaslighting Recovery for Women: The Complete Guide to Recognizing Manipulation and Achieving Freedom from Emotional Abuse, coauthor of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship, as well as Surviving Suicidal Ideation: From Therapy to Spirituality and the Lived Experience, and a contributing author for Psychology Today, ADDitude Magazine, as well as Highly Sensitive Refuge, the world's largest blog for HSPs. Her work has been featured in Teen Vogue, Yahoo News, Lifehacker, Well + Good and Insider.   You can find out more about her work at https://www.ameliakelley.com.   Follow her on Instagram @drameliakelley   https://www.instagram.com/drameliakelley/   https://www.facebook.com/DrAmeliaKelley   https://www.linkedin.com/in/drameliakelley/   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-your-corner       For more information about Michelle, visit: www.michelleoravitz.com   Check out Michelle's Latest Book: The Way of Fertility! https://www.michelleoravitz.com/thewayoffertility   The Wholesome FertilityFacebook group is where you can find free resources and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2149554308396504/   Instagram: @thewholesomelotusfertility   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thewholesomelotus/     Transcript:     Michelle (00:00) Welcome to the podcast Amelia.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (00:02) Thank you for having me. It's good to see you again.   Michelle (00:04) It's so good to see you. So Amelia's had me on her podcast, the sensitivity doctors in the past, and I would love for you to share your background. I am really interested and very intrigued by what you do because it's something that we spoke about. I totally relate to. I love the fact that you've authored so many books and have such an interesting background. So I would love to have the.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (00:26) Hehehe   Michelle (00:30) audience hear you.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (00:32) Sure. Well, I'm currently in my office. So I'm a trauma informed therapist, professor, and podcaster, which is how you and I met. And I've been in the field for 20 years now. I primarily work with trauma of various forms, but a lot of it is interpersonal trauma, relationship trauma, some issues with sexual abuse, some instances where I also work with per...   a lot of first responders, so cops, doctors, and also folks from the military. So I'd say that my work is kind of an intersection. I sometimes call myself an integrative therapist because just before our session, I was doing a yoga therapy session. I do everything from EMDR, brain spotting, yoga therapy, art therapy is actually my background, sand play therapy.   Michelle (01:02) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (01:27) I'm so into the brain too. I mean, I'm not, I would not say that my practice is comprehensive in neurofeedback. We do some minor interventions, but I love referring my clients to practitioners in the area to make sure that their brain health is on par too. And I also love referring to Carolina Clinic of Natural Medicine is my favorite in the area, but they do things like acupuncture and.   Michelle (01:40) Hmm.   Mm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (01:54) kind of holistic health, which I know really aligns with what you do. So, yeah.   Michelle (01:59) it's interesting because as you start to do anything, you start to find out how many different layers and different ways and methodologies that certain people respond to better than others. there's just so many different methods. And I think that some people just respond better to some.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (02:10) Right.   Right.   yeah. I think that's a great thing about coping skills. First and foremost, I love the idea of obliterating this idea that a coping skill is like work or that it's something that you only do when you're struggling. I think it's more of a lifestyle. And everyone is going to respond differently. Like I know I personally...   Michelle (02:35) Yes.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (02:41) water is very big for me. Like if I'm really stressed or I'm dysregulated, getting in hot water or cold water is very regulating for my nervous system. Whereas I have clients who the last thing they want to do when they're stressed or dysregulated is shower or get in water. It's actually one of the first things that they stop wanting to do.   Michelle (02:51) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (03:04) So it's so interesting seeing how we all respond differently, I think, in our own unique nervous system when we're under stress.   Michelle (03:11) Yeah, definitely. I find that also with my patients. mean, some people, be much more open to like things like meditation, other people, there's other ways to self soothing, which I call it, because ultimately, that's really what it is. So yeah, it definitely isn't work. sounds like work.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (03:20) Mm   Mm-hmm.   Right.   Michelle (03:30) but it's not work. think the biggest work is really the strategy and kind of figuring it out. But ultimately it's really there to soothe you at times that you feel overwhelmed.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (03:35) Mm-hmm.   Absolutely. I couldn't agree more.   Michelle (03:44) So let's talk about the sensitive person because I've always felt that that was something that I can describe myself as when I was younger. It was something that I felt I found myself more overwhelmed by noises, by certain people's energy than other people. And people would just be like, you're too sensitive or you focus on things too much. And   Dr. Amelia Kelley (03:52) Mm   Okay.   Michelle (04:08) It was something that I realized, as I met other people like me. I was like, wait, this is kind of a thing. And then when I learned about it, that it really is a thing, I found it really interesting. And it also, I found it very comforting. So it's like, okay, I'm like, I'm not abnormal. Like this isn't crazy. Yeah. So I would love for you to talk about that. So I feel like a lot of people can relate.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (04:14) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Right, Mm-hmm.   Definitely, and I know my aha moment was a big deal to me. It was years ago now. I stumbled upon Dr. Elaine Aaron, who is kind of the pioneer of some of the modern research on high sensitivity on her documentary, Sensitive, the Untold Story.   And it was one of those light bulb aha moments that made so much of my life make sense. Interestingly though, when I dug a little deeper, she was not the of the originator of this. It was actually research done in the 80s on babies and their responses to different stimuli. Things like they had...   Michelle (04:59) you   Mm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (05:17) auditory stimulation with like a creepy face making sound. had light stimulation, physical stimulation. And what they found was that the babies who were more reactive, they were calling high reactive babies, you know, which down the road became high sensitivity. But the really interesting thing is that the researchers went and followed up with these babies who are now in their midlife, you know, they're in their   I'd say probably 40s at this point, 30s and 40s. And they're finding that those high reactive babies still are more reactive adults. And so this doesn't mean someone who's highly emotional or can't control their temper when we think of reactivity. It's more, what is your reaction to sensory input? And certain brains, it is genetic.   Michelle (06:07) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (06:10) So it's a predisposition. It is a genetic trait. It is not a diagnosis. It is not something to fix. It is rather something to learn from and grow with and manage and live life in that way. And so it's highly genetic. And for that reason, I'm not surprised I have kids who are definitely highly sensitive. And high sensitivity can express in so many different ways. It can look like   Michelle (06:10) you   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (06:39) hypersensitivity to medication, sensitivity to light, to sound, to being rushed to other people's emotions. That's a big part. The empathy piece is very strong. I think it's really important to understand the difference between empathy and compassion when we consider highly sensitive people. you, like when I say that, does that make sense to you? Do you want me to unpack that?   Michelle (06:52) Mm-hmm.   It does. mean, so what I'm perceiving in that is that empathy is kind of like almost giving more of your own personal energy to something versus just feeling compassion and understanding that another person's emotions or perspectives without almost taking it on. I'm not sure if I'm on or not.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (07:08) Mm-hmm.   Well, mean, I think that's we can all define it differently, but I guess if I was going to scientifically define compassion and empathy. So empathy is our ability to feel what someone else is feeling. We all tend to know that definition. However, the interesting thing is that empathy has a negative impact on your immune health and it increases inflammation. Right. And so when we consider the fact that highly sensitive people   Michelle (07:34) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Well, that's interesting.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (07:56) have more active mirror neurons, which means the areas of their brain designed to plan social interactions, problem solving around social interactions, and even something as simple as, as a highly sensitive person, one of my ways to decompress is to watch like trashy reality TV at night. And so I will find myself as I'm watching these dating shows, smiling with the contestants.   Michelle (08:15) Yeah   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (08:23) or frowning with them. Sometimes I kind of laugh when I catch myself doing it. As a highly sensitive person, those areas of the brain are so much more active. And so it does make us have higher levels of empathy. But when you consider the fact that that can negatively impact your body, if you don't have enough boundaries around them, empathy is pro-social. It helps us get along, but also too much can be draining.   Michelle (08:32) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (08:50) And so compassion is actually kind of the anecdote to empathy because compassion is centered around the desire to act or help. And so this, when we think of self-compassion, the act of speaking to yourself kindly is an act. So you empathize for yourself, I feel bad today because I made a mistake. Just thinking of an example. The compassion is,   Michelle (08:50) Right.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (09:18) I'm going to choose to speak to myself kindly and with love because that will be curative for me. Whereas if you stay in an empathy response, you just continue to feel bad about whatever mistake you made, right? And so for highly sensitive people, it's exponentially important to lean into compassion and we can't all go out and save the world all the time. So sometimes this looks like well-wishing meditation.   Michelle (09:24) Done it.   Got it.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (09:46) processing with other like-minded people, those can be ways to express compassion that doesn't all have to be going out. And I remember, do you remember the movie Free Willy?   Michelle (09:58) yeah, but I don't remember if I saw it or I don't remember the actual movie. wait, though. It was the one with the whale, right? Yes. Yeah.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (10:06) Right, it was fiction, obviously, but as an HSP or an HSC at the time, a highly sensitive child, when that movie was over, I was destroyed at the thought of all these whales in the world who need help. And so my gracious parents who encouraged my sensitivity helped me find an organization where could adopt a whale. So it's like, and I mean, who knows what's happening. We probably paid $20 and...   Michelle (10:29) that's cute.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (10:34) I've adopted a whale, who knows, but it was the act of taking my empathy response and putting it into action with compassion that was curative for my little highly sensitive child heart.   Michelle (10:34) Yeah.   Hmm.   That's beautiful. actually really love that. And it also makes you feel like there's more purpose in the feelings that you're having. You're kind of taking the feelings and creating purpose with it.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (10:57) Absolutely. That's such a way of putting it.   Michelle (11:01) And one thing too, that I was thinking about when you were talking about being highly sensitive, which I could tell you right now, I 100 % am self-diagnosed. The nervous system, I think to myself about the nervous system and possibly that having something to do with it, just having a more heightened sensitive nervous system.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (11:09) Mm-hmm   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (11:22) Besides obviously the antidote and kind of like using or acting or doing, to translate the empathy, but as one part of regulating the nervous system, learning to manage the nervous system, doing things like you said, like when you get home, take a shower, do something that really connects with your nervous system, I feel like is a really great tool. And figuring out what that is, is that something that you often look into?   Dr. Amelia Kelley (11:49) Absolutely. Because if you think about just a handful of the questions that I was posing that help you identify if you're highly sensitive, a lot of them have to do with nervous system response. highly sensitives are more responsive to caffeine, drugs and alcohol, pain tolerance, hunger cues even, are more, you know, felt more intensely. So with HSPs, the nervous system, specifically the limbic   system is more active. And this is something that can be seen on actual scans of HSP brains. It is. It's wild. so I was having a really interesting conversation with Michael Allison, who is one of the instructors for the Polyvagal Institute. And he was talking about, I don't think if he really fully bought into the HSP thing, I think he sees everything through the Polyvagal world.   Michelle (12:20) Mm-hmm.   That's so interesting.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (12:48) And which I totally appreciate. There's different ways to look at our nervous systems. But he said something when we were talking about highly sensitive that really struck a chord to your point about the nervous system. He was saying when our nervous system alerts danger and for him that means the vagal break is off and the vagus nerve is overactive, the heart rate is up, fight flight. When we're not feeling safe.   It's usually because we're attending to something we think we need to attend to because it's out of sorts. And so the highly sensitive person, a look on your face could alert danger to me. Like someone seeming off or upset or concerned could signal that. And so for the highly sensitive person,   Michelle (13:23) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (13:42) They need more time and research has shown up to two hours of unstructured alone time per day is most quote prescribed for highly sensitive. And so the reason being is that our baseline is higher all the time. And so we need more things to regulate the nervous system so that sounds and things and emotions aren't pulling us out of our safety zone so quickly.   Michelle (13:49) Mm-hmm.   Right.   Mm-hmm.   my God, that makes sense on so many levels. I always felt like I needed, I need alone time. Like after a while, I just need to be by myself. need quiet. I need peace. And I totally understand what you're saying. And then also what's interesting is I remember when I was younger, always being afraid, like if somebody was mad at me or like, I would kind of feel a tone of like, my God, are they mad at me? And I get like really upset. And now I had to like learn to   Dr. Amelia Kelley (14:19) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Yes.   Michelle (14:42) just be like, okay, it's not that big of a deal. Maybe they were having a bad day, you know, sort of speak to myself on that, but that makes sense. And then I noticed that with my daughter, if sometimes I'll be busy and I won't respond with like a, you know, a full response, I'll be like, okay, okay, we'll talk later or whatever. Are you mad at me? And I always tell her, believe me, I would tell you I'm pretty clear about like what I'm happy about and not happy, you know.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (14:52) Mmm.   Hmm.   Right.   Michelle (15:07) And, but it's interesting. She'll kind of read between the lines with me. And she's like me, she just took after me. So it's kind of, yeah, so she's 19.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (15:12) Mm   How old is she, I ask? OK, so she's older. I was going to say, I know a great workbook, but it's for younger kids. yeah, she definitely, especially if you are too, it wouldn't surprise me that she would also be highly sensitive because it is so genetic.   Michelle (15:23) Yeah.   And she got like that more as she got older when she went to college than even before, for some reason. I don't know if maybe because she has a lot more going on or, she's starting to regulate on a different level, her nervous system. Cause I think that coming from home, things shift and change.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (15:39) Mm-hmm.   Right.   Totally. mean, think it's research has shown that some high sensitivity traits, you know, can be very present in childhood, but then there's other different types of traits that become more expressed later in life. But   Michelle (16:04) Mm-hmm. Yeah.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (16:06) I also beg to say, let's look at the external factors. You look at someone who is a highly sensitive child who didn't have to raise children, work a job, manage a home. So when you just keep adding more to your exactly, that can make those traits become more expressed too, I believe.   Michelle (16:16) Yeah, right.   Yep, responsibility. Yeah, for sure.   So I want to actually take this into your own journey, because I know you've had your fertility journey, because a lot of listeners, are going through the fertility journey. And I know a lot of people just based on my own clients and patients that are very sensitive and highly sensitive as well.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (16:38) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (16:48) I work a lot with them on, I don't know if you've ever heard of the NADA protocol. It's really good for PTSD. NADA, it's used, it's, yeah, yeah. So NADA, and it's a protocol that they use on the ears. it's like a, it's a series of ear points that we use like altogether.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (16:54) No. I love learning new things. Tell me. NADA. I have nothing to write on. Okay.   Michelle (17:12) And it works on regulating the nervous system. And it actually works amazing on it's even had published studies on working with vets, people with PTSD, like really major PTSD. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's, it's really, really interesting. And, and also interestingly enough,   Dr. Amelia Kelley (17:23) I need a pen. Let me just grab one.   Do you use the mustard seeds or is it actual needles?   Michelle (17:33) So you could use the seeds. I use needles. I use needles. then some people, no, no, they're not mustard seeds, but they're seeds. And then some of the studies that were published, I think they even added electric stimulation. And what's interesting is it's not just really great for   Dr. Amelia Kelley (17:36) They're probably not called mustard seeds. I forgot what are they actually.   Mm-hmm.   cool.   Thank   Michelle (17:51) PTSD, but it's also really good for addiction. And interesting, if you think about the two, like what do they have in common? They're kind of like, it runs, they run on a loop. You know, it's this repeated either thoughts or behaviors. And it seems to kind of have that in common. Obviously it's two different things, but sometimes can cross over.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (17:56) wow.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   I love that. It's funny. It looks like you're on my podcast right now. So I'm like, let me take notes on what you're saying. You're so smart and knowledgeable in these areas. I love it. I will definitely check that out. I would be so curious if that's something that there are, like I said, a lot of veterans and addicts that I work with. And so I'm definitely going to look into that.   Michelle (18:16) So.   No, no, I know. It will...   I feel the same about you. it makes for a great conversation.   Yeah, definitely look into the studies. I think that that's, seeing the studies and seeing the numbers really makes a difference. And so that aspect of it is amazing. And also Joe dispense does work a lot of what he does helps tons of people with PTSD, like, they do scans and study the brains. It's pretty impactful. Yeah. Yeah. So back to you though, I would love to talk to you about how you feel, your nervous system.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (18:47) Mm-hmm.   That's really neat.   Michelle (19:10) Like how were you able to figure out a way to balance yourself through the journey, knowing what you know, and how do you think it's impacted you on that nervous system level and like the trauma, because I know that it can be very traumatic, even though people don't often talk about it like that. It should be, it should be highlighted in that way so that more people have awareness around it because it really is a very difficult process.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (19:16) Right.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (19:37) has even been compared to a cancer diagnosis. It's really significant.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (19:41) Wow. Well, and I actually have something about my story that integrates the two. So I think when I really look now and I understand my nervous system better, I think that the generational trauma that I was carrying with me into my reproductive years that I didn't understand that I didn't understand my high sensitivity. I didn't have a name for it. I didn't realize that that's what that was. I just thought.   I just felt too much all the time. What I think that was doing was that when I was ready to try to start having a family is that I had been in flight mode. And when people think of flight mode, they think of like running the coop. I had been in flight mode being overly productive. And I laugh because I'm still overly productive, but it's in a different energy now. It's in a completely different energy than it was then. But.   Michelle (20:34) Yeah.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (20:39) This flight mode, think what it was doing is it was putting my nervous system in a state, like you said on my podcast, where it was never able to rest. It was never able to replenish. so my cycle was totally dysregulated. I ended up, I don't know how detailed you want me to get, but I'm happy to share. OK, OK. So I started off, we had tried to get pregnant for a couple of years and it wasn't working. And at the time, I think about it,   Michelle (20:58) you can get as detailed as you need.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (21:09) I was in my doctoral program. I was working at a women's clinic and the methadone clinic and trying to start my practice all at the same time and just live life and be like a normal adult. And so we went the route of Western medicine at first. I love my doctor and he worked with me through the whole journey, but we tried Clomid and I got pregnant. But I think now that I know what I know about egg quality, thank you, Rebecca Fett. She's amazing.   Michelle (21:19) Bye.   Yeah, she's phenomenal. I know I've tried, but she like, she wasn't really doing them. Maybe she is now, but let me know if you get her. She's great. Yes.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (21:40) my gosh, I need to get her on my podcast. Let's like.   We're going to like, we'll just go not tap, tap, tap. Come on. now that I understand what I know now about egg quality, I think that the clomid forced an egg that really wasn't ready to be fertilized. And so we miscarried that baby. And that was the first miscarriage and definitely the most shocking and painful miscarriage. From there, did my, one of my, I think healthier   trauma coping mechanisms is research. And so I just dug in and I created this kind of like wellness plan for my husband and I had like printouts. What I didn't realize is that I was basically creating what Rebecca Fett recommends without realizing what in the world I was doing. And so I had us on a laundry list of vitamins and supplements and all these things. We got pregnant again, very.   Michelle (22:33) and   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (22:45) very luckily with our daughter, who is now nine. And then that was the end of that. was like, OK, that went OK. Maybe it was just like that first miscarriage. Lots of people have it, statistically speaking. Then we were trying for our second child. And I feel like that's when I really got introduced to the world that you're in, which is the Chinese herbal medicine and acupuncture, because we   I think I had already started working with my acupunctures at that time. again, we were having a hard time getting pregnant. And so they put me on like the most disgusting tea, but it was some sort of tea regimen and these herbs. And I was doing really cool acupuncture to your point with like the little electrodes and all of that. And I did get pregnant again, but that time ended up being a molar pregnancy.   Michelle (23:26) Yeah.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (23:42) which you know what those are assume or I don't know if you're listeners.   Michelle (23:46) Yes, I remember learning about it. haven't had any of my patients have that, but I remember learning about it actually in school.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (23:54) Right. So the trauma of the first miscarriage was, would almost call that like acute trauma, whereas the trauma with the molar pregnancy. So a molar pregnancy, for anyone listening who doesn't know, is when the sperm and the egg join and the DNA markers are not turned on. So no actual baby starts forming, but a mass starts to form. And your body thinks you're pregnant, and so it spikes your HCG actually above kind of average levels.   I thought I was pregnant with twins. was so sick. So I go in and I'm, I want to say eight, seven, eight weeks at that point that I thought and they scanned and there's no baby, which felt like a miscarriage, but it wasn't. But what happened after it was that I still had to do a DNC and then I had to do monthly HCG tests to make sure that my levels were dropping because if your levels of HCG go up at any point, have to   Michelle (24:26) Mm-hmm.   Right.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (24:52) do chemo. So this was this chronic six month period where we couldn't try again. And every month I was going in afraid for my health.   Michelle (25:00) Mm-hmm.   my gosh.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (25:05) Right. So that was a totally different type of trauma. And then we got pregnant again. And that one we lost at 10 weeks because it was a little boy with downs. And then we finally got pregnant with our son that we have now. But I would say during that journey of those miscarriages, that was when I really dug deep into   Things like I was saying, like really taking everything serious with Chinese herbalism, looking at what I was putting in my body, looking at what was around me, my stress level, mean, meditation, really anything I could to balance my nervous system. And to your point, I think the nervous system played a role finally in us getting pregnant with our son because I think when you were on my podcast, I told you that   Michelle (25:47) Yeah.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (25:58) I was doing all these things, it wasn't working, and then finally I did that, quite essential, fine, I give up. I'm not doing this anymore. I went to my acupuncturist and I said, just do stress this time. Don't do any of the fertility treatments, please. I just don't want to even think about it anymore. And then it's so obnoxious to say, but three weeks later we got pregnant.   Michelle (26:04) Mm-hmm.   It's not, it is, it's something that I'm, well, I'm not just, know why you're saying that because people are like, what the heck? Like, it's kind of like the just relax kind of thing. saying just relax is not helpful. That's why people are like, okay, well then how, you know, that's the how, like, how do I relax? so actually let's talk about that. Cause that, that is a big thing. That's a big thing.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (26:32) Right, right.   Right. Well, I I let go of the outcome. Yeah, I think for me, it was letting go of the outcome. And I think that allowed my nervous system to get back to a safer baseline. To your point about asking about high sensitivity, I think what used to be the stress was work and school. The stressor became the goal.   Michelle (26:52) Yeah.   Yes. You know, I just hadn't, an aha, but if you want to continue, I did, I just had an aha. It's like you're taking on the responsibility of the goal. You think that it's all up to you and you're taking that weight on your shoulders. And I think that that's what it is is, and, I'm kind of thinking back cause I had Dr. Lisa Miller. I don't know if you've heard of her. She's yeah, she's amazing. You would love her. And I think she would be great on your podcast. So put her down as a   Dr. Amelia Kelley (27:06) Which, what? Ooh, no, I wanna hear it.   Mmm.   Mm-hmm.   I've heard that name.   and a jotter down.   Michelle (27:32) as an option or somebody. She went through the fertility journey, but separately from that, she's also a professor in Columbia. I think you would love talking to her because you're a professor as well. And she's a psychotherapist and she is studying spirituality in the brain.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (27:41) good. Yeah.   that's interesting. Okay.   Michelle (27:50) It's fascinating. And so they found looking at, scans of brains and how they're functioning, where they're lit up, that spiritual people who are spiritual have different brains, their brains look different. And this could be the same brain of somebody who used to not be spiritual and then became spiritual. It doesn't matter. And what's interesting is, so this is my, as you were talking, not to interrupt, hopefully you're trained a thought, but   Dr. Amelia Kelley (28:05) Interesting.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (28:18) can come at life taking on the responsibility of every single part of our outcome and like fully micromanaging ourselves and bearing that weight or when we're spiritual, that means that we believe in a higher power or some kind of higher intelligence. We're relying on something else and not carrying all the weight. So we're just basically giving our intention out there, but, but also feeling safe enough. Like you said, safe, word safe.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (28:28) Thank   Mm-hmm.   Yes.   Michelle (28:46) to let go. So that was kind of my heart just came out.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (28:48) Hmm, absolutely. No, I love it. mean, the connection makes so much sense because and it kind of makes me think of why it doesn't have to be quote religion that someone leans into. It doesn't. It can literally be if you're someone listening who is an atheist and staunchly does not believe in a higher power, it could be energy. I mean, we can't there's no denying scientifically there's energy. mean, even   Michelle (29:01) Mm-hmm. No, no, it doesn't have to be religion.   Right?   True.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (29:18) plants have been proven to grow better when we speak to them because of the energy and probably the carbon monoxide, but like you're a carbon dioxide, but not monoxide. I'm not breathing carbon monoxide, but you can't deny energy. even if someone is not religious or I would say, I would want to ask her actually, does this hold true for someone who's not quote spiritual, but   Michelle (29:25) Yeah, yeah, yeah, dioxide. Totally. understood. Yeah.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (29:44) who gives up things to the idea of energy. I want to ask her that.   Michelle (29:48) That's a great question. when you do have her on, let me know, because I'll be listening to the podcast.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (29:53) for sure. For sure. Thanks for the tip for the, I'll definitely check her out and reach out.   Michelle (29:57) Yeah, but it's fascinating. And I think to myself, I think that that might be that trusting in something else, trusting in an outcome or kind of releasing or relinquishing that burden and that responsibility. And that I guess that that was the aha is like taking on that responsibility of really trying to, take on the outcome, like as if you really have all of the responsibility and how it turns out and that burden and that feeling and that blame.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (30:06) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Now I'm having an aha. Well, yes, I'm having an aha because high sensitivity. So I was talking about the mirror neurons earlier and the empathy overload with highly sensitives. Highly sensitive people, we do tend to naturally take on the responsibility of other people's emotions. And we also, even one of the questions that Dr. Aaron poses is,   Michelle (30:29) Tell me. This is great. We bounce off each other really well.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (30:54) Do you know how to make people comfortable in a room? Like things like changing the lighting and the volume and the temperature in the room. I think even as a highly sensitive person, we kind of naturally take on the responsibility of the environment. And that's why some HSPs who are not high sensation seekers, who are just, you know, kind of more of the traditional introverted expression of it, they really get overwhelmed in social settings and they don't love hosting.   Michelle (31:19) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (31:23) because it's too much to micromanage. I'm a high sensation seeking HSP, so I do enjoy hosting and having people over at my home. However, the hours leading up to the event, I need quiet and calm. I've got like a hairpin trigger nervous system leading up to inviting people in my space, even though I love it. It's like this weird.   Michelle (31:24) you   Mm-hmm.   Hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (31:52) dichotomy. yeah, letting go of responsibility, think, releases the nervous system of a highly sensitive person as well.   Michelle (32:00) Yeah. And it's so interesting that you're saying that because like, I look back at my childhood, I was a really good imitator. And that just makes sense because you pick up on the little details of people's behavior and energy and you mirror that like literally.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (32:09) Mmm. Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm so curious and envious because I'm terrible at accents. Like, terrible. Really? Mm-hmm.   Michelle (32:26) Yeah, I used to, I would do it even when I wasn't trying. I would start to take on like, I would do it on purpose and when I wasn't trying, like I would just pick up on like certain behaviors or certain like tones and things. And I would kind of like take on like the energy of friends that would have very specific ways of talking. And I would almost be like, like I would catch myself. like, that's weird. I don't want to do that.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (32:35) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   You're like, I don't want to look like I'm really imitating them. This might get awkward.   Michelle (32:55) For sure. But it's just so fascinating. and then you're talking also highly sensitive persons that they could also have glucose sensitivity. You were saying you were talking about the physical sensitivity, right? Like that sometimes it could be allergies or other things and it's not just emotional.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (33:06) Mmm.   Mm-hmm. Well, so if you think about, it's not that they're going to have more unstable blood sugar from a technical medical stance. It's that the highly sensitive nervous system can sense peaks and valleys more than someone who is not highly sensitive. So they might respond more to hunger cues and may feel more   Michelle (33:29) Mm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (33:39) panic or anxiety or stress in the state of hunger. So they may be more likely to be the person that reaches for something to re-stabilize glucose. But then you can see how depending on someone's metabolic health, that might not fit well into whatever their health goals are. So I think of my non- he's actually quite highly sensitive now, but my husband- I'm going grab water.   Michelle (33:43) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Got it.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (34:08) Sorry. My husband, who is a little bit less sensitive and has a more stable metabolic system, when he's hungry, it doesn't cause as much distress.   Michelle (34:08) Sure.   Got it.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (34:20) If that makes sense.   Michelle (34:21) a body awareness thing. because HSPs are probably much more aware of how their bodies feel because a, immediately feel it. And then that impacts their emotions or how they feel mentally. Cause a lot of emotions get processed and they're really felt in the body. think, a lot of times people don't realize that it's why somatic.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (34:39) Mm-hmm.   Michelle (34:43) work can be so beneficial. Have you looked into somatic work?   Dr. Amelia Kelley (34:48) I do offer some forms of somatic work. I am not a somatic-experiencing practitioner. That takes a full, it's almost like a whole separate degree. But I actually find what you're saying very important to highlight, too, because HSPs, while anyone listening might think, goodness, OK, I'm highly sensitive. Now what? Does this just mean that I'm in for it? Everything's going to be harder?   Michelle (34:57) wow.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (35:14) The good thing, the hopeful thing is that HSPs also respond more to positives. So they feel more positive sensation from things like a massage or acupuncture or homeopathy or different aromatherapies. They're really going to benefit from it. I think that's why   Michelle (35:20) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (35:39) My HSPs tend to stay in therapy longer. So HSPs are kind of a stronger ratio in therapy, not only because the world can feel more traumatizing at some points for HSPs, but because they just get so much out of it. I think it also leads to things like food can taste even better. Music can sound even more beautiful. Movies can be even more moving. So there's these...   Michelle (35:58) Mm-hmm.   There's benefits.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (36:09) Yeah, there's this, I wouldn't give it up. I wouldn't want to be less sensitive just because it would make me a little bit less likely to reach for a snack in the afternoon. So there's this yin and yang to it.   Michelle (36:14) brain.   Yes.   For sure. I actually like just from my own journey based on that, what I offer a lot of my patients and I always talk to them about it when I perceive that they get overwhelmed by stimulation. That was really how I saw it. I would say that it's not about changing that it's a gift actually, cause it could also teach you to be very aware of other people's feelings and   Dr. Amelia Kelley (36:40) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.   Right.   Michelle (36:50) And that can be a great thing for healers, to be honest, because you're a lot more likely to be able to understand the people that you're working with. It's not about changing. It's more about managing, kind of figuring out ways to stabilize so that it works for you.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (36:53) Mm-hmm.   Right.   Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.   Right.   Absolutely. And I think that's the whole key of identifying whether or not you're one and why it's important. I've had clients who come in with a laundry list of diagnoses from other practitioners, usually because what's going on is trauma and it's being misdiagnosed as many other things, just my clinical opinion. But when I say maybe you're also highly sensitive, sometimes they just throw their arms up like another thing. And it's like, no, no.   Michelle (37:36) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (37:37) This is a key. This is a huge level of insight that can inform everything from your fertility journey for people listening, from trauma, from navigating. Anytime something stands in your way of getting where you want to be, if you know, well, I'm highly sensitive, so I will be more likely to succeed at this thing or accomplish this thing or feel better about this thing if I take my sensitivity into account.   Michelle (38:01) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (38:07) Perfect example, I had a very heavy day yesterday. had, I think, eight clients, a podcast, an interview, and a class. It was too much. It was a heavy, heavy day. I get home and my husband had managed to fix the voice-changing microphone toy that my kids have that had been broken that I wasn't rushing to fix. so I come in the house. They run to me. They're so excited to see me, so I'm excited to see them.   Michelle (38:17) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Ha ha ha!   Dr. Amelia Kelley (38:35) and then they start in on this microphone. The last thing I wanted was to hear that microphone. But I know I didn't want to ruin their fun. So I know about me that I am going to be sensitive to sound when I'm overstimulated. So I went into my bag. I got my loop earbuds. If no one's ever heard of them, they're great for dampening noise around you, but you can still hear people. Popped my earbuds in. I didn't feel like I had to mask the issue of being sensitive to the noise.   Michelle (38:56) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (39:03) My family knows this about me. It wasn't anything against my kids. It was just, I'm going to pop these in so you can still have fun, but I can feel peaceful. And that's, think, a compassionate way to care for yourself is when you know these things about yourself, you can do things to help you still integrate and feel happy and peaceful in your life, but not have to push away what really is true.   Michelle (39:17) Mm-hmm.   I love that. actually really love that. It actually, the idea of highly sensitive, I don't mind it. Although I do think that there's definitely a lot of labels. I don't see this as one because the reason why I'm saying this, it reminds me of human design where you find out your strengths and sensitivities.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (39:42) Yes.   Michelle (39:47) and I think that once you know those, so it's not like a disorder, you know, cause we, think we hear all these different labels. think of it as like all these disorders. It's not no. And so that's the thing with this. I feel like it brings a lot of clarity. I, as a sensitive person   Dr. Amelia Kelley (39:54) Mm-hmm. It's not even a diagnosis.   Michelle (40:05) it really makes me understand myself more and manage it more. Just like you said, and I think that that is the key rather than getting frustrated with my husband who likes to really over explain. And sometimes I'm like, okay, my brain is like just on fire right now. And I have to explain that to, like, I know to explain that to him, like, it's not you, it's just me. He like right now I'm overloaded with information. I need a little quiet.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (40:10) Mm hmm.   Mm-hmm.   my gosh.   Yes.   Right.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (40:33) So I think that when you do that, you'll also come at explaining things in a way that's more compassionate and easier to communicate rather than getting frustrated because you'll understand yourself better. And you understand sort of the situation that somebody else might not have that level of sensitivity and you do so they may not realize it. And I just feel like it really puts so much clarity to the situation.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (40:41) Right.   Right.   Right.   absolutely. if you happen to have kids or if you're on this fertility journey and in the future you're blessed with kids, the likelihood of them maybe being sensitive is quite high. And so you will be able to model for them. I joke one day, my daughter was probably three or four at the time, and she kept asking me for things in the bathroom. like, what is she doing? I walked in and she was laying in the tub with a book and a cup.   Michelle (41:17) Yes.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (41:30) and a towel over her face. And I'm like, what are you doing? She goes, I'm being mommy. I know, but it made me really proud too, because I'm like, OK, great. So this has been modeled for her. And you know, one thing we didn't even mention that we probably should have mentioned at the very beginning, high sensitivity is not abnormal. It's an adaptive trait. And it is a third. Up to a third of the human population is highly sensitive.   Michelle (41:35) That's really cute.   Yeah.   you   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (41:59) And there are ranges. So you have high sensitivity, medium sensitivity, and there are actually people who are low sensitive as well. Like their nervous system takes a lot of stimulation to be activated. And you might notice if you start learning this about yourself, you'll be able to start reflecting on people in your life and how you respond to them. And there might be people you can get to depth with a little bit more easily. Those might be your other co-HSPs.   Michelle (42:12) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (42:29) And this is not just humans. The research shows this is in hundreds of animal species, even bugs. So it's everywhere. It's part of nature. It's part of nature, essentially.   Michelle (42:38) Wow, that's fascinating. That's so interesting. It's wild. You know, and I think to myself, like one of the things that I noticed, and it's so interesting that you said this, because I noticed that my patients, One of the things that I really observe is how they respond to treatments. Not everybody responds as quick.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (42:52) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.   Michelle (42:58) Some people take a little longer. so I can come up with like my first protocol, but then I realized I need to shift it a little bit, depending on how they do, or sometimes I'll even use baby needles on people who are very, very sensitive. Cause I don't want to overdo it with their nervous system. They don't need the strong needles. They don't need the strong stimulation cause they feel it already. And the people that have that body awareness   Dr. Amelia Kelley (43:04) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.   Mmm.   Right.   Right.   Michelle (43:22) is that when they have that body awareness, I feel like they respond to treatment a lot faster.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (43:28) Mm hmm. Yep. You're right. Just like we were saying that you'll get more good out of the good.   Michelle (43:31) Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. So interesting. I can talk to you for hours. I really enjoy our conversations. It's a lot of fun. I'll come back and then I'll have you back because I'm sure we can come up with like all kinds of things to talk about.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (43:37) I know I have to have you back now.   Well, and you know the funny thing, so I'll tell your listeners my podcast is The Sensitivity Doctor, and I have folks on all the time to talk about different topics around sensitivity. Do you know I have not had an episode literally just talking about what it means to be a highly sensitive person? I would love to have you on to have a chat about what it means to another highly sensitive person, and we can just unpack it. Because we talk about it extraneously around it, but I'm like,   Michelle (44:04) really?   Let's do it. Let's do it.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (44:16) Yeah, we should just unpack what that means. So I would love to have you back.   Michelle (44:20) That would be great. I really enjoy talking to you. can just like totally pick your brain. You're so interesting to talk to. I got really, and I love your energy and you're also the way you approach it in such an empowering way. I love that. Like I think it's just amazing. yeah, yeah, this is fun. I'm really excited. I actually met you.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (44:26) thank you. You too.   Mm-hmm. Thank you.   Yeah, it was a good it was a good meeting   Michelle (44:41) it was definitely a great meeting. So I would love for you to share for people listening and if they want to learn more, if they want to read your books, how they can reach you and how they can work with you.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (44:47) Mm-hmm.   Sure, so as I was mentioning, I do have my podcast that comes out every Thursday. But if you want to learn basically anything that I have to offer, it's on my website at AmeliaKelly.com, and that's Kelly with an EY. And I have links to my Psychology Today blog. It's called In Your Corner. I've got meditations on Insight Timer on there. There's a couple different quizzes, like if you want to figure out if you're in a...   trauma bond, if you want to learn if you're a highly sensitive person, I have an assessment on there. I also offer what I think to be the most important tools from some of my books that I want to make available to everyone for free, like the safety plan of how to get out of domestic violence situations, suicide safety plan, gas lighting checklist, like some of the things that I feel like everyone really should just have. You don't need to go buy the book.   Those are available too. So you can also find links for all my books and I also have a group that I meet every Tomorrow actually it's meeting. It's every other Thursday It's called powered by ADHD and it's for women with ADHD and sometimes we have guest speakers on which we're gonna have tomorrow night so I'm excited about that and I love that because it's a resource that women anywhere in the world can reach out You don't have to be in the state of North Carolina where I'm licensed. So   virtually anyone who is a woman or identifies as a woman can join that.   of course. Thanks for having me. Yeah, you'll come back. Awesome.  

This episode from the archives originally aired in January 2024 Dr. Laura Anderson is a therapist, trauma resolution, and recovery coach, writer, educator, and creator who specializes in complex trauma with a focus on domestic violence, sexualized violence, and religious trauma. She holds a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and a Ph.D. in Mind-Body Medicine with her research focusing on the experience of living in a healing body after sexual trauma. Laura has a small private practice in Nashville, TN, and is the founder and director of the Center for Trauma Resolution and Recovery, an online coaching company where she and the other practitioners work with clients who have experienced high demand/high control religions, adverse religious experiences, cults, and religious trauma. In 2019, Laura co-founded the Religious Trauma Institute with the goal of providing trauma-informed resources, consultation, and training to clinicians and other helping professionals who work with religious trauma survivors. Laura's first book, “When Religion Hurts: Reclaiming Your Life After Religious Trauma”, is being released by Brazos Press in Fall 2023. She lives with her dog, Phoebe, in Middle Tennessee. In this highly informative and revealing conversation. Dr. Anderson shares with Rachel her personal experience and professional insights from the specialized work she does with survivors of religious trauma. The two colleagues discuss the most effective modalities for religious trauma recovery and outline some important nuances that often get overlooked on the path to healing. Before you go: Rachel offers some common traits to look out for in high-control religious groups to assess whether or not the leader's intentions are healthy. You can find more about Dr. Andreson and her work at: drlauraeanderson.com/ All of Rachel's video lectures are available for purchase here: rachelbernsteintherapy.com/webinar.html To help support the show monthly and get bonus episodes, shirts, and tote bags, please visit: www.patreon.com/indoctrination Prefer to support the IndoctriNation show with a one-time donation? Use this link: www.paypal.me/indoctrination Connect with us on Social Media: Twitter: twitter.com/_indoctrination Facebook: www.facebook.com/indoctrinationpodcast Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@indoctrinationpodcast Instagram: www.instagram.com/indoctrinationpodcast/ YouTube: www.youtube.com/rachelbernsteinlmft You can always help the show for free by leaving a rating on Spotify or a review on Apple/ iTunes. It really helps the visibility of the show!

Brianna Chickenfry joins Alix on Hot Mess to discuss the impact of her relationship and breakup with Zach Bryan.Alix opens up about how Brianna's story helped her recognize the signs of toxic relationships in her past and hopes it does the same for the Earle Girls.Follow and connect with all things @HotMess across Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.  

It can be incredibly difficult to love and support a family member or friend who is actively experiencing or fleeing domestic violence, and the abusive party's control often involves isolating a support network. On this episode, advocates Sara and Shannon continue on a topic from our 2022 episode, "Stay Connected: What to Do If Your Friend or Family Member Is In an Abusive Relationship," to talk about secondary trauma, the ripple effect of control tactics, and emotional safety planning to help yourself help your loved one. Branches Domestic Violence Shelter has been providing services to victims of domestic violence in the Appalachian communities of Cabell, Lincoln, Mason, Putnam, and Wayne counties in West Virginia.Let's Be Friends! On FacebookOn InstagramSign up for our NewsletterOr Donate.

In this episode, Kristen is joined by Darlene Lancer, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and expert on relationships, to explore the connection between shame and codependency, and how these emotional patterns can influence behavior and contribute to trauma. whatiscodependency.com darlenelancer.com   You can buy Darlene's books through the Amazon affiliate links below. Shopping through these links helps support the podcast at no extra cost to you! Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You:  https://amzn.to/48MyzBZ Codependency For Dummies: https://amzn.to/3CmR03P Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships: https://amzn.to/4fyE89c   Subscribe and get a free 5-day journal at www.kristendboice.com to begin closing the chapter on what doesn't serve you and open the door to the real you. This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is being provided to you to educate you about ideas on stress management and as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not psychotherapy/counseling in any form. This information is to be used at your own risk based on your own judgment.  For my full Disclaimer please go to www.kristendboice.com. For counseling services near Indianapolis, IN, visit www.pathwaystohealingcounseling.com. Pathways to Healing Counseling's vision is to provide warm, caring, compassionate and life-changing counseling services and educational programs to individuals, couples and families in order to create learning, healing and growth.

5 Stages of Awakening to Relationship Clarity Audio: leanneoaten.com/awakening   Register for the Relationship Clarity Bootcamp: leanneoaten.com/claritybootcamp   Join the Awakening Women Weekly Newsletter + Facebook community https://awakeningwomensupport.ck.page/newsletter   Connect with me on Social Media:    Instagram: www.instagram.com/awakeningwomenofficial/  Facebook: www.facebook.com/awakeningwomenofficial/ Leanne Oaten is a former Registered Professional Counsellor with a background in Counselling Psychology and has over 11 years of experience counselling and coaching women. Over the past 6+ years, she has focused her expertise on educating and helping women identify narcissistic abuse break free from destructive relationships, and transform their lives on the other side of divorce. Her mission is helping successful career-driven, entrepreneurial women and moms who want to reach new levels in their income, success, and health but their destructive, high-conflict relationship is holding them back.  You can find out more about her and her offerings at leanneoaten.com

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains sensitive content that may be triggering or offensive to some audiences. Parental discretion is advised. "He was walking to his father and when he was a great way off his father saw him and he ran to meet him - he met him where he was at and and he kissed him. He said, bring the best robe that we have, bring shoes for his feet and prepare this huge feast because he's back! He was lost and now he's found! That's just been absolutely my story so many times. It doesn't matter how many times I've messed up in my life or how many times I've fallen short, the Savior is just there all the time. He's carried me and He's helped me through every single part of my life to get me to where I am now. To where I'm a wife and a mother and I'm healing and I'm happy! I gave my whole life to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I gave it all when I wasn't even sure that I wanted to, and they gave it back to me just entirely renewed." Come Back Team: Director, Founder & Host: Ashly Stone Producer and Senior Editor: Lauren Rose Outreach Manager: Jenna Carlson Editor: Michelle Berger Art Director: Jeremy Garcia Episode sponsor: Serve Clothing https://serveclothing.com/?gad_source=1

Toxic relationships —whether they involve team members, clients, or others in the workplace—can drain your energy, damage your business, and impact your mental health.But as much as these relationships can be exhausting, it's crucial to understand how to handle them professionally, with empathy and clear boundaries.I'm not someone who loves drama or toxicity. I know you get that, and today, we're going to dive into strategies to deal with these relationships in a healthy way. If you struggle with setting boundaries, this episode is for you.Key Points Covered:Understand the Nature of the Relationship (00:02:45)Types of Toxic Relationships:Emotionally Draining Relationships (00:03:04)Controlling or Manipulative Relationships (00:10:14)Passive-Aggressive Relationships (00:18:59)Codependent Relationships (00:18:59)Abusive Relationships (00:32:17)Identifying the Severity (00:40:48)Know Yourself and Your Boundaries (00:40:48)The Role of Healthy Boundaries (00:45:53)Practical tips for Establishing Boundaries (00:48:06)Set Clear Consequences (00:53:21)Managing with Empathy and Communication (00:56:35)When and How to Part Ways (01:00:52)Self-Care and Managing Your Own Triggers (01:05:24)Understand this—if you tolerate toxicity in your business or personal life, it will spread. It impacts team morale, your productivity, and the health of your relationships.Managing toxic relationships professionally requires a delicate balance of empathy, grace, and firm boundaries. Whether you're dealing with a difficult team member or someone in your personal life, it's essential to address toxic behavior directly and proactively. You'll protect your well-being, improve team dynamics, and foster healthier relationships overall.Remember—take this information, change your leadership, change your business, and change your life. See you in the next episode!Additional Resources (01:12:25)Episode 212 | What Toxic Culture Looks Like, And How To Avoid ItYes, there are times that the customer is wrong. I believe that. The customer might not always be right, but the customer should ALWAYS be honored.Episode 285 | How To Stop Toxicity As A LeaderToxicity creates disunity, inefficiency, low productivity, gossip, backstabbing…the list goes on. What do we do about it? How do we prevent it?