Podcasts about Bed and breakfast

Tracey Northcott's main room presentation at the JRE Summit, Spring 2025.

What happens when a love for art, culture and community transforms into a thriving boutique hospitality business in the hills above Rio de Janeiro? In this soulful episode of The Business of Glamping and Unique Holiday Rentals, I sit down with Dacia Young, a passionate Bed and Breakfast owner who left behind the familiar and followed a dream to Brazil's bohemian heart... Santa Teresa. We explore how her unique 13-room heritage property, expertly decorated with elegant art pieces, became more than just a guest stay… it became a reset space and a sanctuary for rest, reflection, and realignment. In this episode, we dive into: Why she chose a boutique, cultural model over the traditional tourist trail How her family-run Bed and Breakfast delivers that wow factor with local art, garden views and homemade breakfasts What inspired her to launch "Reset Retreats", and how they're helping guests slow down, reflect, and restore The power of hosting transformational experiences (and what guests really want from a retreat) What it's like to move abroad and start a business around a different pace of life If you've ever dreamt of running your business in a vibrant new country… or building a retreat that offers more than just a pretty view, this episode will leave you inspired, grounded and full of ideas. Because sometimes, the best way to grow your business… is to slow down. If you want to visit Dacia in Casa Jomo, attend one of her retreats or learn from her if you are thinking of relocating, visit: https://www.casajomo.art/ __________   Sarah Riley - The Glamping Academy Learn what it takes to launch a glamping business: https://www.inspiredcoursesvip.com Join the Glamping Start Up And Grow Club: https://www.inspiredcoursesvip.com/club Take part in the Masterclasses: https://www.inspiredcoursesvip.com/masterclasses Contact Sarah through LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahrileyuk/ All show notes can be found with each podcast episode and in this archive: https://www.inspiredcamping.com/category/podcast/

Narrator: TK Kellman

A young man checks into a cozy bed-and-breakfast, unaware that something quietly sinister waits to welcome him to his stay.Get the Darkness Syndicate version of #WeirdDarkness: https://weirddarkness.com/syndicateDISCLAIMER: Ads heard during the podcast that are not in my voice are placed by third party agencies outside of my control and should not imply an endorsement by Weird Darkness or myself. *** Stories and content in Weird Darkness can be disturbing for some listeners and intended for mature audiences only. Parental discretion is strongly advised.IN THIS EPISODE: The Landlady" is a short horror story by Roald Dahl. It initially appeared in The New Yorker, on November 28, 1959. Dahl once said that he had always wanted to write a ghost story but never had been quite been able to do so. The closest he came, in his opinion, was the story I'm about to share with you… “The Landlady.” But after reading through his own story afterward, he doesn't think he really succeeded with his effort. Nonetheless, the tale won "Best Short Story Mystery" at the 1960 Edgar Awards. So for this Thriller Thursday episode, I bring you “The Landlady” by Roald Dahl.CHAPTERS & TIME STAMPS (All Times Approximate and Only Accurate For the Commercial Version)…00:00:00.000 = Show Intro, About The Story00:01:27.002 = “The Landlady” by Roald Dahl00:21:50.696 = Show CloseSOURCES AND RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE…“The Landlady” by Roald Dahl: https://weirddarkness.tiny.us/2p83h6nr=====(Over time links seen above may become invalid, disappear, or have different content. I always make sure to give authors credit for the material I use whenever possible. If I somehow overlooked doing so for a story, or if a credit is incorrect, please let me know and I will rectify it in these show notes immediately. Some links included above may benefit me financially through qualifying purchases.)= = = = ="I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness." — John 12:46= = = = =WeirdDarkness® is a registered trademark. Copyright ©2025, Weird Darkness.=====Originally aired: June 03, 2021EPISODE PAGE at WeirdDarkness.com (includes list of sources): https://weirddarkness.com/TheLandladyThe Landlady, Roald Dahl, The Landlady summary, Roald Dahl horror, classic short stories, British short stories, Edgar Award winner, thriller fiction, Weird Darkness podcast, suspense stories, creepy boarding house, horror literature, taxidermy horror, unsettling fiction, psychological thriller, mysterious landlady, eerie stories, spooky tales, dark fiction, classic mystery stories

Dan's first of two tales is a modern encounter story set in Sauk Centre, Minnesota's Palmer Hotel. Lynze, of course, was excited when she heard "sock" center!  The second story shares the haunted history of Kansas City, Missouri's St. Mary's Episcopal Church. Does the ghost of an early church leader still haunt its grounds? Then Lynze comes to us with three stories. Her first reminds us of how creepy kids toys can be. Then, an ongoing family situation with a family has one person asking what she married in to! Lastly, a gentle and loving ghost tale to remind us to be grateful for what we DO have in life! Monthly Patreon Donation: This month we are donating $11,620 to Farm Rescue, which is the only nonprofit organization of its kind providing farm and ranch families with the operational support they need in times of crisis. Farm Rescue sees a world where family farms and ranches thrive for generations to come. Big thanks to fan, Michaela for sharing this with us. While neither of us come directly from ranch or farm families, we do have extended family that currently or previously were members of this community. regardless of that connection, we love to be able support any organization that offers those in need help. I don't know what it takes to put food on my table but I sure know how grateful I am for those who do. Learn more by visiting https://farmrescue.org. We will also be adding $1290 to the scholarship fund! LIVE EXPERIENCES If you'd like to see us perform live this year, visit badmagicproductions.com for our annual summer camp or crimewaveatsea.com/scared for a spoopy cruise this fall! Thank you for continuing to send in your stories, Creeps and Peepers!Please keep doing so!!Send them to mystory@scaredtodeathpodcast.comSend everything else to info@scaredtodeathpodcast.comWant to be a Patron? Get episodes AD-FREE, listen and watch before they are released to anyone else, bonus episodes, a 20% merch discount, additional content, and more! Learn more by visiting: https://www.patreon.com/scaredtodeathpodcast.Please rate, review, and subscribe anywhere you listen.Thank you for listening!Follow the show on social media: @scaredtodeathpodcast on Facebook and IG and TTWebsite: https://www.badmagicproductions.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/scaredtodeathpodcastInstagram: https://bit.ly/2miPLf5Mailing Address:Scared to Deathc/o Timesuck PodcastPO Box 3891Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Opening Sumerian protection spell (adapted):"Whether thou art a ghost that hath come from the earth, or a phantom of night that hath no home… or one that lieth dead in the desert… or a ghost unburied… or a demon or a ghoul… Whatever thou be until thou art removed… thou shalt find here no water to drink… Thou shalt not stretch forth thy hand to our own… Into our house enter thou not. Through our fence, breakthrough thou not… we are protected though we may be frightened. Our life you may not steal, though we may feel SCARED TO DEATH." 

What do short-term rental owners need to know about direct booking and how is it shaping the future of travel tech?Eric Goldreyer is an established 25+ year leader in travel and hospitality. He is the CEO and owner of Savvy (previously bnbfinder) – the book direct marketplace for professionally run vacation rentals, bed and breakfasts, inns, and boutique hotels – without service fees.Previously, Eric co-founded TurnKey Vacation Rentals, which became North America's second largest property management company, acquired by Vacasa in 2021. In 1995, he founded Bedandbreakfast.com, growing it into the world's largest online B&B directory, acquired by HomeAway (now VRBO) in 2010.

7 Things B&B Owners Will Never Agree On Running a bed and breakfast means making hundreds of tiny decisions — and discovering that not all B&B owners agree on how to do things. In this episode, Karen Thorne of Bed and Breakfast Academy takes a light-hearted look at seven topics that divide even the most experienced B&B owners. From toast tactics to baked beans, it's a reminder that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to running a successful B&B. Karen shares personal stories from her 17 years of running a Five Star Gold B&B, and how she learned to trust her guests — and herself — rather than follow every rule in the book. In this episode, we discuss: Whether guests should make their own toast or be served The pros and cons of communal breakfast tables The great ketchup debate — bottle or ramekin? Why background music at breakfast divides opinion Baked beans: a must-have or an unnecessary mess? Cake in the guest room — thoughtful extra or extra hassle? Why Karen chose to leave the star rating scheme and never looked back Whether you're just starting a bed and breakfast or have been running one for years, this episode will make you smile — and maybe rethink some of your own breakfast decisions. Follow Karen Bed and Breakfast Academy WebsiteBed and Breakfast Academy Mini-WorkshopFull B&B Course Rate, Review & Follow the Podcast Don't forget to follow the podcast. Karen is adding new episodes regularly, and if you're not following, you might miss out. Follow now so you never miss an episode!

7 Things B&B Owners Will Never Agree On Running a bed and breakfast means making hundreds of tiny decisions — and discovering that not all B&B owners agree on how to do things. In this episode, Karen Thorne of Bed and Breakfast Academy takes a light-hearted look at seven topics that divide even the most experienced B&B owners. From toast tactics to baked beans, it's a reminder that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to running a successful B&B. Karen shares personal stories from her 17 years of running a Five Star Gold B&B, and how she learned to trust her guests — and herself — rather than follow every rule in the book. In this episode, we discuss: Whether guests should make their own toast or be served The pros and cons of communal breakfast tables The great ketchup debate — bottle or ramekin? Why background music at breakfast divides opinion Baked beans: a must-have or an unnecessary mess? Cake in the guest room — thoughtful extra or extra hassle? Why Karen chose to leave the star rating scheme and never looked back Whether you're just starting a bed and breakfast or have been running one for years, this episode will make you smile — and maybe rethink some of your own breakfast decisions. Follow Karen Bed and Breakfast Academy WebsiteBed and Breakfast Academy Mini-WorkshopFull B&B Course Rate, Review & Follow the Podcast Don't forget to follow the podcast. Karen is adding new episodes regularly, and if you're not following, you might miss out. Follow now so you never miss an episode!

[A beautiful dog enters the palace; C'esme't is pleased—actually, more thrilled.] Now! (Yo!) [The Dog sits at the entrance.] Call to me. [he speaks from the mind (telepathically) with a familiar tonal voice] Come, sweet stranger! [The Dog approaches] For it is I, the King who walks as not a ghost For yet the call has spoken that I be your loyal shadow (it's me; the King. I've been called to watch over you) Then? (Elaborate.) For now I came as waked dost I as ghost and wandered, pity and pardoned by no army dared Aghast my throne And agape my eyes, Wide my mouth and nostrils, Disemboweled and yet, I did wake with my fortune And tidings in my kingdom, a hidden realm, For there slayed, as I wept, The others dared to swallow, This truth, I, as knight and pawn doth slay the Queen, For titled King no friend of mine; And now, this beast as blood dost froth, My mind does waste, but here I bark Fortunate! To be laid by as you, I will. Then, creature, as you may! For free, this I, And coming not the time I shall l awaken, And then, though, Does the true challenge to bear, The altar; the stone, the shield and the rope From which I pull, and thee shall fight. Marriage of souls. To fancy this beast, betrayeth not. For something barks as is an end As a man does call a lover friend And so lover-friend I am and shall be. Lol what the fuck. So he's a dog now. ‍♀️ wtf is going on in this show. Idk. I'm baked. Enter The Multiverse L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny ‍♂️ Ascension: Enter the Multiverse The titles switched. Good idea. So maybe I should stick with t mobile? Idk. Mint mobile is 15 dollars a month for unlimited talk and text. HERE AND NOW I DECREE, THIS FEAST DOES NOURISH ALL OUR MINDS AND HEARTS TO FIGHT THE GOOD WAR AGAINST ALL HE WHO SQUANDER THE MERCY OF PEACE! TO COURAGE! lol you lost me. I'm grasping at strings here. I needs a means to an end I need a body bag, body bag I need a King and a dog And a cat and an owl And a mark and a dawn And a knife and a gun Call it what you want I was not at the rock But that's where I was going I'm lost in Omaha I was just on the dark With the dark and the walkers The king and the rabbit The facts and the stalkers But who sunk the boat? Who sunk the boat Now this is encouragement! Acknowledgements? Nothing yet. Disaster strikes obvious and No regrets But obvious I'm in it for the long run And it transpired for the job done But the waffles came out awful And crispier than I wanted Almost every time So I took the iron back to target And I know I came out with a double album in August But I got no promotions So I won't walk the carpet So I won't walk the carpet I know I know I'm no Joan Rivers Or Joan of ark so I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip Now, more followers Show boat, Throw him overboard into a rowboat With no paddles And horseshoes on em— That outta show ‘em Rondevouz Rob us all Noah's Ark Don't get so lost in the story Lost in the sory Lost in the LORNE MICHAELS …you caused this. [In a secret lab inside of 30 Rock, A group of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alumni are trapped inside a metal box; this room has no doors and no windows and seems to be amplifying thought frequencies each of them hears uniquely, but distinctly, and very, very loudly. This is due to the irrefutable fact that they are all gifted telepaths, due to having served time often looking into the lenses of live broadcast cameras. it is theorized that, because of this anomaly— a strange and untraceable signal seeming to intercept all of Rockefeller Plaza's Radio antennae transmissions, it may be an unknown extraterrestrial force attempting to comminicste with 30 Rock from space. On this day, they've been gathered and trapped here in an emergency focus group to attempt to remedy the problem. Haha. MAKE IT STOP. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THST, WHYYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHY!!! Craters full of lullabies and dictionary definitions; Tense intimate interactions, and now, this hypertension. I have a secret, a dirty little secret. I didn't do it! It wasn't me! Hmm..okay–vouch. I'm telling you–wait– vouch? Yeah, I vouch. You're vouching me? I'm vouching you. She's vouching me. She vouched you. So i'm good? You're good. I'm good. You're good. Ok. SETH MEYERS is the best secret keeper in the entirety of the known and unknown multiverse. The respective deities and entities within the outer realms have taken notice to this; One of the world's greatest eve played game has become the ritualistic endeavor of tracking down this human in order to attempt to overwhelm him so that he might eventually crack or implode, or even acknowledge these sometimes outrageous events and otherworldly happenings; thus far, he has not. As of recently, the elders of the darkest deities from the furthest outer realms and legions of Hell have been taking this game with the now very famous and successful seth meyers, a popular TV host; this has elevated the e ntirety of the threshold for Seth's tolerance, and it appears he may soon be pushed to crack. So why are you on the wire? I atrophied at extravagant Tip toed in the tip ties; Til' then, i went there, Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Pull the curtain back, Then you censor this Censor this! I pull the curtain back, then redact then redact don't react don't react It's an act it's an act Shit I pull the curtain back then I bow; It's a show now Pull the curtain back then I show, It's a showdown Listen up, Listen down I super blow my flow now, super bowl my pronouns You can't lose if you don't pick a team You can't win if you don't even play I can't pay you if I don't get a paycheck I can't work at it if it's not fame Oh no! I can't work at it if it's not fame. The isms is the synthesis; I only got one present for christmas When you [can] Take that spark and bury it in your heart, don't remark about it– Then, probably you're a comic Or an alcoholic, one of the two of them Wrong not to touch, then Willed you back into existence And still it's in exigence, and Guilty by association Guilty by association I just want to know what the current Tonight Show budget is for hair dye. Also wondering why JImmy's suit is grey, but his hair isn't? Is that a two in one? Honest to God my only question about this man. The rest can remain as mystery. Act V Part II Guilty By Association Sometimes I Stevie Wonder what you're up to; I can't see you but I know you're in my aura Sometimes I Richard Pryor while you're on my mind; I guess you could say you set my soul on fire My, my my Look what time it is I've only just begun to know you; Then I had to dieSo turn the light off My eye Turn the light off for awhile And follow me to darkness Follow me To the other side. It's not true, but it'll do I might have lost you somewhere Better off to leave you somewhere sure; If it's not pure And how could it be When only the light hits the snow And bounces off The warmth is an illusion, And your love is just a dream And anyway, anyway There's nothing i've ever been surer of Than the definite end, The enter and exit And when planets align, Only to fall completely out of orbit Now what was this for again Foreigner, object identified and destroyed it's destructive qualities, Tentative in a nature Sure, pressure– Resentment, Intense good moments of pleasure, Then signals sent Completely by accident. -Now that i've been thinking lately of Bill Murray And my formerly imaginary friend Riff Raff, Now i'm sure that There may be some telepathy involved Which means I should probably just– Go somewhere else now. Should I be sorry for my thoughts? I'd rather not, But still YO. Yo dude, what the fuck. I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS MOVIE FOR LIKE A YEAR. That's not that long… IT'S A LONG TIME TO BE IN A MOVIE. Please don't tear me to pieces; Don't blow the balloon up, No foul ball, No side eye No fowl play And dinner is as cold as it gets But dinner does warm In the aluminum foil, But all out of order, The border patrol is just Digging for details Digging for details. And it's this: You don't know what it is, Until you get into it, And it sets into you The only way it can When it's in you. Are you paying attention to this? Or can I just end it? Boston accents or what, And now i really think It's just inside my head It's just inside my head and This is getting weird. All of a sudden, I'm oh wonder and I love it And Sara Silverman has The prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen (on a celebrity) ((with whom I share a gender)) Aha. Okay, Sabrina Carpenter has a very pretty voice But that doesn't make me Any less jealous Or any less capable of explosion Disarm me I'm catching up on the specials I missed Being special I guess With no grocery subscription Aim low, Get high, I guess Rob Lowe, Build time, I guess I miss the old announcer, And the golden years I miss the former times And the mouse ears I learned my less I might got Kim K and TSwift Pointer Finger Could hold a tune to you, Who The joys of live theatre, And the catastrophe of the Impenetrable Boy oh boy is Television getting heavy Turn up the ridiculousness and Atrocious Atrocities and Acidophilus Anorexic, I wish i could digest this –and expand my vocabulary I wish I was better than I am So i could be Capable Can Kim Kardashian ever not just be Naturally beautiful at everything Doing everything Kim The J I can't sing in this apartment And it might actually kill me The devil lives next door on both sides I'm in a satan sandwich I guess I'm just Not free I must have fucked up last lifetime I must have fucked up last lifetime I might have looked just like her I want to get upstaged by Eddie Murphy More corpse suits! Pink lipstick! Slap the desk Check the camera Front loading! Front loading! I want a chance at humbling white america (just kidding) I want a wig that looks like an afro (cause I don't have one) I want Lorne Michaels to shame me into beng better By making me feel mediocre first So I hit the high bar When I hit the body bag I hit the body bag When I hit the high road With Letterman YOU STOLE MY BODY TO GO TO A BLACK TIE FUNCTION!? Yeah. Well–which one? Okay, you're gonna get a kick out of this. I'm giddy for physical comedy THIS IS MY MANIFEST DESTINY MY MANIFEST DESTINY AHHHHHHHH MY MANIFEST DESTINAAAAAAA Comedy comes in all forms And God comes in all Karma I brace myself for repeating my mantras I light candles But don't blow them out I just might get my wish DO NOT RESIST. I AM RESISTING THIS ARREST. Oh yeah. YES. Shoot him. NO, DON'T. SHOOT HIM, BILLY BOB, SHOOT ‘EM. Crocodile hunter turned hard-up cop Read him his rights! He ain't white enough. So she's perfect! Me? I've been taken in I can't stand to stamp I can't christmas, Backwards And backwash And sanford and sons And Whatever And… Ego might eat me like Eggos Like Hannibal Burress was holding At the market I left my Ego at the door But there's just no room for the both For the both of us I KNOW I'll just write her a hit show! What. YES. THEN, SHE'LL LEAVE SNL, AND THEN I'LL BE THE BLACK GIRL ON THE SHOW MWAAHAHAHAHAHA Ok. wtf happened to that girl? SUNNI BLU [kicking and screaming] I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING ON FA– —-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! So many beautiful people, or, rather The actors, Or should I say Vortex Then. Too many beautiful people I spent the whole night warm and holed up in the office What could come out of The Rock I don't know where to look I'm not used to the audience Duh, that. I'm a professional audience member But i don't remember the ending Anybody? Anybody? Any envy actor actress? BPM: Dosage Anxiety Remix Honestly fuck the comed circut I just want to know what it's like to have a body What's it like to have a body? I'm just a collective consciousness robot Adapting to my environment I can't sing in this apartment! I'm in a Satan Sandwich And would be The God in the middle If God didn't find this Absolutely hilarious So I'm on 24 hours; You're on Saturday Nights, But i'm on 24 I broke my Don't-look up-folks rule on Brittney Howard Cause I think i'm just like herBut more of a coward. You're on Saturday Night Live But i'm on 24 Hours It hurts longer And stronger Every moment I'm gone And still not a mom I wish I could change my eyes The color of the world Before it all ends Earth gone And oceans of mud No tide And no moon (The Earth without the Sun) I don't want to know you I don't want to owe you a lesson. I don't want to go there. I don't want no dance numbers. I don't want no GOATS here. No goats here. I don't get it, Mass Media– Is this flattery, or Deception? Humiliation? Based in perception, I see, so Is this recognition or Did I just send Dillon Francis my script in the beginning? No answer, by God. What an asshole What if Alienz Don't like lesbians. What is trance is just bad dance music. That's… What if edifice breaks for a daily regimen of Letterman? What if RUN, FALLON, RUN! I'M ATTACHED TO A KITE I HAVE NO CONTROL OF THIS. WELL, WHAT IS IT ATTACHED TO?! YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW! —NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Look, It's Meryl Streep! Holy shit, Meryl Streep is hot. What.(I can't keep secrets>) God doesn't keep good secrets. Just stop talking. Look, It's “My Bad Chad” Holyfuck Are you gonna have all those burned off too? Or can I do it for you? (might cost less) Jk Kim K That's a tough act to follow. Ariana? Nah, Backup; Had that. Meanwhile: Me in a hatchback Campin' at the Palisades. My name's the hammer –Adam ruins everything– I am not goin' starstruck –Adam Ruins Everything– My name's the Hammer (I'm a hammer, damn) –Adam Ruins Everything– I love showbiz But I got hard work comin on Now pause:: I need a break Need to make money Now i get a two for one Two for one Hate me or love me Either way, I'm gonna show up, Blow up, Glow up, And fuck off I'm a lost cause Cause I lost God On a talk show The way the camera moves makes me nauseous virtual reality And everybody's mad at me for Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy Conan “snowball” O'Brien But why's he called that. Shh! Not Yet. Oh, you are so overdone and fucked right now! Shh! My mom might be listening. Like she's never heard the word ‘fuck'? Shhhh! MOM I heard that! See! She said she heard it; she didn't say stop it. Well stop it. Fuck me man! SHH. KNOCK IT OFF. Yes Mrs. Mason Who the fuck is Mrs. Mason. Come on, white america; Put me on late night I promise you I'll watch more hallmark artists Than all of them Every day over here is a suit and tie function Camera one? YOU DONE FUCKED WITH US FOR THE LAST TIME. Ah shit. lol . whart is thrus. Fucking–magicians or something. Freemasons. F– Alright. Where is he? Where is who? You know who! What? Donaghey!!!!!!!! Lol Alec Baldin is like 200 years old. *cackles too hard, falls over and dies* Yikes. JACK DONAGHEY enters from a Parallel dimension and sees ALEC BALDWIN'S CORPSE. …Huh. Who's this handsome son of a bitch, I wonder. Don't wonder too hard. We gotta find that court order and get out of here. What court order [Cort hors d'oeuvres] what. I don't know. It almost kind of rhymed with corpse and wonder and I'm still stuck writing in cadences. What for! Oh wow, the neighbor was really a plant forreal. STOP SLAMMIN THAT Yo fuck this. Waht the fuck am I supposed to do with all this information. [appearing entirely out of nowhere, as always.] JIMMY FALLON I told you to burn it. OH MY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST. STOP DOING THAT. I can't. That's– Apparently what I do. WELL GET OUT OF HERE. Wish I could. Strapped to a kite. THEN HOW ARE YOU STANDING HERE? WHAT? I'm learning a lot of things up there! UP–WHERE! Up yours. WHAT. *poofs* UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I hate this. TINA FEY Fuckit, he hates himself. Lets just assume. No, that's it. That's the singularity. What. It can't– He's just so confi— That's the singularity. [everything ploofs back to normal] See. I win. FUCK. ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I'M YOUNG AGAIN. i”M YOUNG AGAIN. [The entire cast stares at their returned to period-accurately aged cast mate; He appears so confident and wise, however–just a glint of insecurity falls over him–this indeed was the singularity; rather than to risk all of time and space defrabicating for a third and albeit final time, they rain down on their castmate, with the angry hellfire of a gregorian mob, urging him to GO LOVE YOURSELF. Long Night at work, or just Shoo fly, don't bother me– I'm more caught up on the Rudolph Storyline, How it's some mystic But I missed it With the lip stick And the vintage this and thats Person Welcome to Hogwarts, Of course, It's your funeral God bless the illuminati All I see is– NOT IT. IT WASN'T ME. I DIDN'T DO IT. JLO BITCH, STOP TALKING. Woah, What the FUCK JLO. JLO WHAT IN THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY? I–wh– Wait… Fallon? SHHHHThhHHHTHhhTHHHH!! Give me one bet Died inside Who's doing which thing God bless these envies! Gie me one shot Now who am I?Ace in the hole? I died inside. Don't break the barrier Don't run the wall Don't be the villain Fall, JImmy, Fall. To float, or to fall Or to walk away To shop at the mall Or to bet it all on Fall on And I tell you to jump, you jump! And I tell you to move, You move! And I tell you to movie, You movie! And I show you the blue OH GOD. Gimmie the binoculars! No, you don't wanna see What! Why not! HE MOONED ME. I got three of a kind Three of a kind Three of hearts Two of diamonds HAH. I DOn'T LiKE THIS. Fuck off, The Ace. And very kindly, Go fuck yourself. Four aces, Four aces A mindfuck for the both of us An open book And shotglasses And fans of ours Its good to laugh At the ones you love Love Love Love Love It's showbiz, It's showbiz; I love it I want to die. I love it I love it I missed the bar I fucked up somewhere. Don't look back in anger, Or don't look back at al. Fall, Fall, Fall Fall Fall Love Love Love Love Love Love Did you notice I haven't looked back. I put you up on a– Up on a Up on a pedestal Then remembered To forget it all, In indifference Foraged your signature Sorry, I don't want a lot of hawk-a-loogie clock-the-woman knockdown, dragout drama I got a feel for it. What if all your forfeitures were fortunes All your donuts turned subordinates To astronauts Or fake dreams for fak streams and dreaming of Don't bother me I'm on poverty I want walks on the beach and blue bunny ice cream sundaes I've got a whole city Marked off in my journal For frozen custard and Lost in a thought, are we? Trust me, I think I died. Trust me, I trusted the God of Mercy Trust me I went all the way to the burden, Bought a hammock And then worked harder than nobody No dropped calls from mother No one's home at all Work harder I thought Sweater Weather was my new DJ name, But as it turns out, It was my telepathy ringing me I rode to the top of the rock with the beatlesI didn't mean for it to be me But i was twice out of body, Once out of mind. Now give me a minute Please. Let me become indifferent Don't need no friends, Long roads Roundhouse kicks to the face Hard rolling baggage Heart shaped boxes Or Prophets Don't need dozens of roses don't need diamonds Do need dinosaursDo need phone numbers do Do do . –but don't– don't don't. When i fall in line I write books and poems, songs And suffer, slugger . This is what I struggled with– who paid the neighbor bitch to feed me the whole special And slam doors On my mental That shit struck a chord And rubbed me the wrong way But i'm humble I won't touch nobody's Body at all. Nobody's. Now my dreams make sense, kind of But why are these my dreams And not actual people and most of all What does it mean? That I'm equal to? Or lesser than? Like the emerald stone on Sir Paul McCartney's hand, I went green for a moment It's just banter.I'm just having a hard time (I can't sing in this apartment)I might need a band I might need a bandaid. I might need a bath Some peroxide and hair dye My heart's broken I'm having a hard time But still not struggling I might have a hard time But not as hard as the afterparty was, And I struck gold. Kept walking Roll dice. Four of a kind, Four kings, four aces Four of a kind, Four kites, And a night owl The Rock and the Kite, Part V STEFON It's this thing where… {Enter The Multiverse} –and that's why I wished my mom a happy birthday. [The Festival Project ™ ] Damn, the illuminati really showed out for the oscars this year. CONAN SHHHH. He even says “I Am” Then commands the stage Look at all those long legs Now we're on enclave or conclave? I don't know. I'm feeling more ravey. Tears of a Clown Nobody to save me Not even shug avery. Who? That's right? Now i'm feeling more Broadway, baby. L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny I wanna see the snake sitting next to you; Show me those eyes I love models and the lack thereof Inside of them I want to see the feral reptile Show me those eyesI love that she flies through life Right to you Right It's a boys club Boy they Really prize these Chappel Roans and Timothee Chalemet But where am I at? –Adam Ruins Everything– A couple forced fake laughs Cause I like highlights Stagecrafts Craftservices And god knows I can't write like this And I'm About To die [CONAN O'BRIEN leaves television to run a Bed and Breakfast in ORLANDO.] INT. BED AND BREAKFAST. ORLANDO. … [Calamity ensues] Conan killed the oscars, Stole the wand, The show and the bowtie (hostses with the mostest) –and that's why he's Snowball. No, i'm sure it's because my fur is fluffy and– Okay no more outdated rick and morty references Fine. Was that Dillon Francis behind Ben Stiller Or do I still just like white guys That much. Why do A-Listers like reptiles so much? Show me those eyes, you know I could use a good lunch (Birds of Prey eat snakes) {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™ Episode Transcript: Yeah. Okay, this is terrifying. I haven't actually done this in it feels like way longer than it's been. In reality, it's only been like three like maybe three days, but it makes all the difference in the world. Hi. what's going on, I was just reminiscing about kitten mittens. Aw shit. I dropped my pen. If you remember if you're listening to this right now and you remember kittenman. congratulations, you've been with me since the beginning. um anyway, I don't know why I was just remembering that. kitten mittens. I thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. I really I might have been delirious. losing my mind at a certain point, but I thought kittens was the best thing in the world. It was at the time. I was like I couldn't think of anything better. Then again, I was uh I don't know, I was discovering many hilarities. excuse the idiots in the back, they are idiots. um and they and they do this based on whatever I'm doing in my apartment. I'm their god. Anyway. I'm excused the background noise is still gonna be a a little bit uh while we're dealing with that, but at least you can help me collectively consciously remove them from existence entirely, um with the help of you know a collective existence we can get rid of evil. I don't I don't entirely. I'm not sure. I think that it would take a lot of people to understand that like a lot of it is just a game. I think it would take raising the entire consciousness of like people as a whole for them to understand that like, most of it is for entertainment and based off perceptions. So, like, whatever you' idea for the world is, like it was your idea. Whatever's making you upset is it was your idea. So I'm kind of coming to like terms with that in my own, like sense. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, whatever is happening, I'm like a certain like at the surface level is wrong, but like on a grander scale, like I programmed this into my reality for whatever purpose in order to better suit my, like ideal reality. That's, you know, that's that's it. I can't attribute it to anything else. They're idiots, cause I'm idiots. Anyway, what else is going on? I don't know, I was I'm gonna try and do this off book. I think I do have like I have some notes, but like I don't like the way that it feels when I'm going off of my notebook because it feels like robotic. It feels really, you know, like and not necessarily rehearsed, but it's it feels planned and when I listen back to the episodes where I do go off of like notes or something like that, I don't like the way that it sounds. Hearing myself back, going from a going going from like a script. And so I try to keep it like 100% improvisational and it keeps it fresh. and honestly, honesty goodness, I haven't been on the Peloton for like more than 15 minutes at a time since I stopped doing these episodes. I don't know what it is about the sound of my own voice, but maybe it's the fact that like, I'm in performance mode and I'm giving you guys like I'm in, you know, I'm like in my radio voice and then I'm watching back like a performance of myself in order to like, I don't know. It's like it's like experiencing myself for the first time secondhandedly because I'm not necessarily not thinking about what I'm saying, but I'm also not thinking about what what I'm saying or how I'm saying it as I'm saying it. And then, you know, sometimes I just really like even on my hardest days, sometimes I make myself laugh the very most, and I'm like, okay, there's another reason to keep doing it. Because for the most part, I'm like I don't wanna do this anymore, it costs me too much money and it's not. Like, I'm not a clut person. I'm just not a clout guy. I don't like doing stuff for clout, cause clout doesn't pay the bills and clout doesn't clout doesn't necessarily get you jobs, like unless it's like the right person's clout. Like, you get have clout from a million people, and if none of those million people are the well, a million is kind of where they drive line. Like if a million people are like, yeah, this is the shit, then it might get you a job. But like a million is probably the minimum number for that. Like if you don't have a million followers or you don't have a million views or you don't have a million of anything of just like clout like it doesn't pay bills. So I'm not a cloud person. I'm not just gonna do whatever off clout. What did I get off that on that clot rat for? I don't know, what was I saying? Oh, I'm going off book. I'm off. script. Anyway. what can I remember from things that I wrote down?, I don't know. I've been reading a lot. I've been, you know, doing doing the best that I can. I've been well, I've been reading. I've been reading children's books specifically because I'm finding information. Well, first of all, I picked up these children's books with the hope that I would be the owner of a small library and I'm not. I'm actually putting a lot of the books back into like society, which is fine. I'm just downsizing. It's actually helping me feel a lot better. Like my head is a lot clearer, my studio. My studio for for the first time in a long time was like a place that I can that I feel like I want to work. and it was the weirdest thing because I went through like a year of just like collecting whatever book I saw, like whether it was just like on a stoop, like I, you know, for whatever or out of the little free library or like just wherever, because books are everywhere in New York and that's probably my favorite thing hands down about New York is that like wherever you go there are books and they're free and you can pick them up. But I'm also very sensitive to energy, so as like an energy worker and a transmuter, it became congested to the point where it's like, okay, there is like a certain type of energy that's not that's foreign to me and as much cleansing and as much like, you know, whatever, as much, you know, in any kind of, you know, like spiritual work I was doing, there's an energy here that I'm not necessarily comfortable with. And I realized every time I picked up a book, I fell into like a certain type of world, you know, and it wasn't just like whether the book caught my attention from just like the cover or whatever, and then I decided to flip through it or whether it was like a book that I was stuck in, I was falling until like a certain energy or a certain world and that every book had a certain energy to it. And so I realized after a year of collecting hundreds of books that I had literally hundreds of energies, like floating through my space and it became like hectic and it became heavy to the point where I was like, like, I don't necessarily want to hold on to all these things. and so it's it's been really rejuvenating. I've been going through a time of just like not necessarily like I know I have a lot of stuff to do. but one of the stuff to do is is like going through all of the things that I know that I need to like let go of in order to feel better. And it has been helping me feel better. It has for the most part, I'm still doing a lot with like my energy recovery and the noise here has a lot to do with it. I'm now like I now have anxiety to the point where I have like a consistent nauseum. like every time I hear like any kind of motor, like I get sick and now it's it's actually getting worse the longer that I've stayed here with the noise, it's like I now have like an upset stomach all the time, headaches twitches. It's the it's the most fucked up thing ever. and I've also been learning more about because I'm, you know, still still really focused in my music and so frequencies and, you know, like I've always been like a huge believer and like layered frequencies for healing, like sound healing, beta thick alpha, and and the whatnot, but I finally caught onto a piece of information that made me realize how the noise outside has affected my brain chemistry and not just in the way that it's like it's annoying or it's a nuisance or it's harassment, which it is all of those things, according to the law, but in a sense of what's happening to my brain chemically, like the chemical changes that are happening in my brain, or the frequency changes that are happening in my brain are actually the things that are making me more upset than loss of sleep, or, you know, like a disruption or disorganization of my mind or my daily habits. The thing that's making me the most upset is what I'm realizing is it's changing my frequency, and I'm not talking about just my my aura I well, I am in a sense, but like the frequency, the frequency differences that that your brain your brain goes into different frequencies during, you know, waking state, alha state, better state, you know, and when you're sleeping, you're in um I well, it depends on the person actually, and it depends on the type of sleep that you're getting. Like most people sleep and like a data state from what I'm understanding and this is the state of like conscious dreaming. And this is this, I could be incorrect because honestly, I layer them anyway. And I finally I finally did it. I I did. I' I was working on a song and I realized that I achieved like perfect theta without actually even meaning to. And I think I did another one and that was like in perfect gamma without even like it was just mixed perfectly. that it I was also listening to like a gamatone and then I realized I was like, wait, is that the song or is it the tone? Because, you know, if the if the frequency that you're listening to is pure enough, it will actually distort the bass or the, you know, it will distort the entire sound of whatever you're listening to. So sometimes things can sound warped or like they're waving or like they're going through something because those tones are kind of like they're they're moving against each other or with each other just kind of depends. And so what what has been, well, I wanted to finish, well, yeah, I think I have at least one song now that's in theta, and I have at least one song that's in gamma, completely. and and I and I shocked myself because I was listening to the tones and I was like, wait, the wait a second. like, I'm feeling like double here. Is this this song that I'm listening to, that I'm checking back the mix, or is this the the frequencies? And I I turned off all the frequencies and sure enough, it was the song. It was like a pure I was like, wow. I'm like that's an achievement. I did it completely by accident and I wish I knew the formula that I used to do that.c some people are so mathematic about it. Like some people are so uh like, you know, some people do this to their music. A lot of people, especially inass music, that's why it is the way that it is, is you're going to a show to get these frequencies like zapped into your body at at full forces. and some people know how to do it on purpose. I did it on accident, so I'm like, if I can continue to achieve at this but I'm trying to figure out like the mathematical equation or like the actual sonic equation for making this happen, like every time, because going through my history ofass music, I will finish in a second, going through my history of bass music, I have always gravitated to the to these frequencies, to the frequencies that make me feel better after a certain amount of time listening to them or a certain amount of time being in in that frequency. So that's this is the music that has, I guess subconsciously kind of for the kind of artist that I am. But this is the reason why I'm upset about the noise. like the most upset about it, like not even on a legal level, on a social level, on a moral level, like, no, this is actually morally wrong, it is morally wrong on so many fucking levels. I'm like, why are you so like, why obviously I did this on purpose, like in my God complex, I'm like, oh, well, I can better the community as long as I make a point, like that environmentally, this is damaging people. It's giving people mental illness, that it or like if they're predisposed to mental illness, it's even worse, but it's it's also like causing mental illness and people that are otherwise healthy people, which is not a lot of people in New York City given. It's just not. It's not a healthy place. A lot of people are not healthy. But even in like moderately healthy humans, this noise disruption can cause like brain changes and chemistry changes, and this is the reason why I'm so upset is because when you are sleeping, if you are sleeping, your brain is in a certain level that is like in a healing state. In the first few minutes that you wake up, as I understand it. In the first few minutes after you wake up, your brain is in a state that it can like that you can manipulate your entire environment, that you can change things, that you can heal yourself. And so when I'm waking up in the first few minutes in the very first thing that I hear is a motorcycle that's ripping through my fucking brain, it's changing my brain frequency from a frequency that is like at the at the at a human level or at any kind of level, kind of the the thing that makes every human capable of being a genius, not the genius level able to heal yourself and the frequency that you're able to heal yourself is what you automatically wake up in. So when you' when this frequency is interrupted, it's intercepted in immediately into a negative thought pattern. And so you immediately, so what's happening, what's been happening to me over the last year with the motorcycle nuisance harassment problem or whatever the fuck I don't care what it's called on paper. I just want it to stop like I just want to live in peace. It's not like and kind of having like coming from a a background where I kind of tend to have like take responsibility for myself, like oh, it must be something that I'm doing and yes, I also have like a higher god complex or like an ego if you want to call it, that's like, oh no, I must have done this on purpose. And you know, like in order for the greater good, like in order to fulfill my purpose in some sort of way, it must be it must be part of my process to have this. That's also my ego like I'm a god. like, you know, that's just me, that's the generation. That's the generation that I come from. That's our mindset. Like nothing happens in this world without me in it, period. That's why rappers are rappers and that's why that's why models are models. We all have egos and it's really hard to kill the bitch. I've had at least ten ego dusts throughout my fucking like existence and it still comes back. It doesn't matter. You can have an ego death and be like a completely ego list for like what, six months tops? Eventually you're gonna have like the ego is is is imp important to survival, because I lost the word. I think implemental what was I gonna use? I was definitely a for syllable word. Either way, it is you need it. Like if you if you oh, you know, people might describe people, like being in like a in a sense of humility as like, oh, just completely without ego, but like at the end of the day, like, no, like your ego allows you to actually like compensate with the rest of the world, like, most people do not have no ego entirely, or at least for like, like a week after your acid tri or whatever, yeah, like, oh, had ego death and I completely. But like within I swear to God, like within six months time, like your ego has at least minimally like repaired itself. That's what an ego does, that's why you have it. You have it. It's a survival. It's it's a part of your consciousness that has to do with survival if you don't have your ego, like you're pretty much dead in the world, especially the way it is now. Anyway, this is that that's going to probably close up my spiel on that. Yeah, I'm upset because instead of like the first few moments of my waking moments being a healing, time, it is immediately going into disarray and chaos and anxiety. And so in in so I'm losing like, I don't I don't really care about oh, I mean, like I care about life in a sense, but I mean, like, and it in a mortal sense. I like, yes, it's taking years off of me. and I feel it like in the way that it's like, I I am slower to do regular things or like, whatever my rising thoughts, might be are completely just destroyed by this like what I've what I've come to perceive is like an evil force. It is evil in so many levels again this breaks down from like a higher consciousness to like a lower state of consciousness. The lower state of consciousness is saying that like these people are just idiots. They're idiots and they are not self aware of the fucking like pollution that they're doing on kind of middle sense, I'm like, oh, it's politics, it's like gentrification if these guys run around in circles, then people call up the fucking place, the place gets fucking more allocated funds to their fucking police officers, the police officers have fucking filling their quotas. It's all bureaucracy and paperwork and politics on that middle level and on the highest level it is like no, this is evil, it's pure evil because people are so grossed out by the fact that fucking New York is New York and also the wage and income and quality factor is that this guy is doing whatever the fuck he has to do brown. He's doing well, not that guy. that guy's that guy's a weak dick motherfucker. He has a small dick and everybody in the neighborhood knows it. He drives around and circle making people miserable. He also I'm it's the same dude. that same dude followed me to the Trader Joe's. It's the same dude, so I'm like, I like I know the sound of his bike from anything, so I definitely know when I'm at the Trader Joe's and then he's like all of a sudden traffic like, I'm like yo dude like why the fuck you following me to Trader Joe's like I live four miles away, which is not that far on the fucking motorcycle, but I came all the way over here on the subway for you to follow me on your bike. week, dick, bro.way, like, fuck this, fuck this, fuck that guy, fuck this neighborhood, fuck this place, fuck these politics, fuck these people. On a low frequency. Like on a low frequency, I'm like, fuck all this, like on a high frequency, I'm like, there's a purpose or whatever, it'll work, is temporary, blah, blah, blah. What the fuck was I saying? I don't know. I what the fuck was I ranting? I don't know. I that's that shiel, right? Trader Joe, hello Trader Joe. It's not safe. No, but you know, oh man, let's you say I, whatever. Let's just say oh, whatever. a lot. What else do we got? I don't know. I put on an album that came out today, yay, it's called all the rage. Actually, all that all that gripe about like, oh, it's an EP when I'm sure that the stores are gonna call it an album. I was like, I'm sure it's gonna be an album, so I just started calling it an album. like the release comes out and they're like, it's an EP, you congratulations. So I I thought I was putting out an album, that I was an EP, but it just missed the cutoff her album, because technically you can have a six track album and if it's over 30 minutes. If and you can have a six track album that's an EP like this, all the range is technically an EP at least according to Spotify's standards. And it's, I think it's like two and a half minutes under I think it's like 2 and a half minutes under, so it's an EP, but it's six tracks and I'm really excited about it. I kind of put a little bit more promotion into it than usual. I even had some press done, and that's great. because you can get pressed done. They're like,Yo, for $500. You'll be famous tomorrow. I'm like, that fucked up. That's a paycheck for some people. and that's not famous. also. They're charging people to be like spectacular. Well, they're charging they're like charging for people to be like popular, which is I think it's wrong, like ethically, you shouldn't be able to do that, like, oh, no, you're gonna get on all the playlists and whatever, you're gonna have like all like you should not be able to sell followers, like whether they're real people, which is slavery or they're robots, which is also slavery. Like you should not be able to sell fame that's making it like now I don't even trust like, okay, like this person got an award, but like, okay, because because the album was popular, because it was better than all the other ones. Or like, how do you know that you even heard all the albums because there are so many, and that like, okay, this person who put like zero dollars into promotion, how do you know that album wasn't better? because you didn't hear it? Because the person with a million dollar ad campaign won the fucking won the fucking award? Because you heard it because they put a million dollars into the fucking promotions. So it makes it makes everything the fact that everything is on a level system that's based on money is completely unfair. Like the all the industries are broken, it's not just music. Like, it's not just music. I'm like, holy shit, like you could spend like a year, an average year salary, which is what's the median income now. even with like no adjustment for inflation, like what, $50,000? Okay. So you could spend $50,000 on your your career so you'd have to you'd have to do that. That's even you're still competing with people who have a million dollars for doing nothing. That's insane. Anyway, I'm not bitter. What the fuck did I do earlier that I wasn't that literally the spirit that was like, don't be salty. I was like, oh, I was like,Yo, stop teaching models to fucking DJ, because I I happened on this girl that was like, yo, like I actually liked some of her music. I liked some of her music, but she wasn't doing much. And like everything was just fake. It was like super duper fake, but she was mad gorgeous and like more of these girls are popping up out of nowhere that are like not they're like models that are barely touching the decks and they're like a march. I'm like yo, dude, if that girl made this music like okay, maybe I should see her, but like, I'm like no somebody goes produce this because like she's moving badly in time to it and I realized something about being a producer is like yo if you spent enough time actually crafting this like this piece, you're not gonna move like badly to it like you're not going to move weird to music that you made because it's in you like it came from in your body. So like, I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at and I'm like, oh, I'm looking at propaganda. But then like, isn't that just kind of like discouraging people who don't have that type of body type or mindset, but it was funny because the algorithm was like don't be salty. It was like DJing is for everybody and if that's your passion and I'm like yeah, if that's your passion, but like, yo, when what where is the line between like propaganda and passion? Like, oh, I'm already a successful like, multimillionaire fashion model, but like I'm gonna be a DJ, like it washes out all the people who have actually like put in the work. It washes out all the people who have actually put in the work. Don't be salty. I was like fine, fine, but only because I like that algorithm. Only because I like that algorithm. I'm like fine, okay, we'll we'll be whatever. Whatever I've been reading. Oh, I read a book, let's see, let's see if I can remember the ones I already put back. I've been reading these uh this like children's book series on like famous people because I realized that they're written for children and I'm like, yo, dude, like somebody could read this whole series in the second grade and be smarter than me because I didn't know anything about the people that I'm reading about at all. And so they're like these little biographies. Well, I mean, they they're on a child's level. I don't know how long it would take a child to read, but they take me like an hour, hour and a half to read just like at a normal speed. And I read really fast. But I think the reason why from taking me so long to read them is because I actually take like a lot of I take a lot of like, I don't know, words or art to me, so if something is like especially musical, I might take it and be like that's a good song title. Like, if I think enough about this and what I know about this, like what kind of song is it? And, you know, just like little fun facts. Like first of all, I'm obsessed with George Lucas. I've never been a huge Star Wars person, just and I I realizing this. I've never been being on like Star Wars wicked. like, I've never been being on things that are like really, really big, but then I did grow up and kind of like a sheltered shut community where like most of the people like twilight, I wasn't hungerames, aylys Cyrus, well Hannah Montana at the time, okay? I just wasn't into those things, but most mostly because they're fans, actually, she just put out something that I kind of piqued my interest. It was in my fucking sl side bar. I was like, oh, no, what's this? I'm I might check it out. But I've been staying off the mainstream just cause I'm realizing like the reason that I'm seeing this is money and doesn't necessarily make it better or worse than anybody else. Because sometimes mainstream artists come out with crap and I think they do it on purpose, they're like,Yo, watch this. I can do whatever because so many millions of people love me, watch this. I'm like, damn. And then millions of people are like, yay, yes, yes, this. I'm like, the fuck? What did you do? And I'm pretty sure the mainstream artist is like consciously, even collectively like, you see what I'm saying? I can do whatever the fuck.c I did one thing cool, maybe like five things cool, like a long time ago, and literally don't have to do anything else. I just do this just to prove a poil. Like, I can shit on a track, literally. And millions of people will be like, I love you. I love you, please more of those. do it again. I'm like, oh, God, please, no. What the fuck? Millions of fans. Like once you have your fucking fan based unlock, like that's it. Like, you don't have to fucking people will be like, literally kissing at all of the ground that you touch for the rest of forever forever. That's it. I'm realizing that about fantom, so I'm like, yo, if you know what kitten mittens are. I'd still don't, but if you if you know kitten mittens, congrats, you're one of 12 people who actually like me. one of 12. I'm like 12 is enough. That's what Jesus had, right? might as well and Jesus technically have like 11 I don't know why I like that guy so much. I'm pretty much obsessed with him, too. I love Jesus. I'm like, Jesus is the god kind of I mean, like he's technically like three gods. anyway, why am I obsessed with uh George Lucas? First of all, he's one of the coolest people ever, Kate, like, okay, first he was a greaser, like a real greaser. like from the movie Grease, but like the actual thing before the movie Grease, cause if I if I'm not mistaken, he was like a greaser before they made Grease. That's crazy. Yeah, because Gre was like in the 70s, but it was about the 50s, right? I don't know. He was like an actual real life, like they just put Vaseline, I guess in their hair and wore like dirty shit and they were like, yeaheah, greaser. and they w and they fucking drove and they drove, what did they drive? I don't know, cars, old cars, and they would race them. I that was honestly I'm obsessed with this dude. I and now I kind of want to see Star Wars because I've never seen them. But honestly Star Wars is one of those things that, oh, that's what I was saying. God, yeah, well, yeah, I like grew up not liking Star Wars because all the people that liked it were mean. Like all those other things I named earlier in the episode. Like they're fans sucked, so I was like, I definitely cannot see myself getting into this. And so I never did, but now I'm well, as happy as I am being single. I save certain things for like just a case. I ever get in a relationship. I'm like Star Wars. I've never seen that. Like I saved certain things for like you know, like I wouldn't necessarily want to watch it by myself. I think I'd get geeked, though, now, now that I understand, like the kind of person that created Star Wars, I'm like, yo, dude, like he's the shit. Like, okay, first of all, okay, if I did the math, secondly, no, cause the first of all thing was like, he's a greaser. That's the coolest thing about George Lucas. Yeah. I mean, like I mean, like there was so many cool things. I had to take notes, I had to stop. I was like bending back pages, I was like, all this dude's the best. Okay. I was like,Yo, okay, whatever. Like, uh, oh, well, that was one of the last things I read. If I did the math right, this dude has like a 12 year old. He's older than my dad. My dad's pushing 80. I'm like, is he 80? He's like 80 with a 12 year old. That's incredible. That's I have so much respected admiration for that. Because it kind of proves my point that like if you're dude, you can just like keep on popping them out, popping them out. But he also like adopted kids, I think. Yeah, yeah. And he also like adopted kids. was at him? Yeah. Yo, I'm telling you there's so much practice into these little books. I'm like, okay, whatever, what else is cool. I don't know, he just seems he just seems like the dude just seems like the dude. I was likeYo. I I can't remember all the notes I took, but those those two things alone. I'm like, yeah, I earn my respect. I did write down a quote earlier that was like, what did he used to say? oh, do that again but better? I'm like, yeah, that sounds that sounds accurate. And then I liked the fact that like all his worlds within his worlds are like connected, so he'll leave Easter eggs within worlds of different Indiana Smith. He really liked the name Indiana because I guess he had a dog named Indiana, which was named after somebody else that was named Indiana. And I had no idea that Indiana Jones was like his brainchild or like close to it. I was like, whoa, this dudees are fucking legend, like a real like an actual, like this dude's a G for George Lucas. He's the best. I was like, yeah, dude. I could not put that book down. I was like sitting in cold bathtub water like, oh my God, this is such a pain turner. I gotta read about this dude until the very end of this book and I did. I would not put it down. I was like, George Lucas is the man, bro. like the man, I don't like like, yo, cool dude. I like that guy. I've never seen Star Wars. I have, I've seen like the beginning. It's like in the time, blah, fucking blah, blah, fucking talk. Yeah, and then I started writing my own movies, you know. It's not that any of them, you know, as whatever, you know, sometimes it's circumstance, sometimes sometimes I' just realize that I make excuses. Like I have no reason not to be as successful as any of these people that I'm reading about, because I'm finding personality traits about myself as I'm reading about them, like Albert Einstein Total Duis. He might have been like like functionally retarded. I'm pretty sure he was retarded, but also a genius. Like like, oh, okay, this is the coolest thing about Albert Einstein are we done inukas never, never. He's immortal, right? We'll see him at some point. He's so cool. He's so cool anyway. I was like, yeah, dude, this dude is cool. But there's that's the Alb Einstein, my man, okay, so like, slowly almost solely responsible for the invention of the Adamah. That's dope. On accident, though, because once he realized what had like once he realized that, okay, like, okay, I'm correct about this. For sure, I'm definitely correct about this, but like, yo okay, should we back up a little bit? First of all, he didn't say anything until he was like four. Didn't say anything, not a not a single word, his parents were like,o, something's wrong with him. Like even back in the day where it's like, uh don't know. Something's wrong with him. He's not saying anything. The doctors were like, he's perfectly fine.'s fine. And he didn't say anything his entire life until one day, apparently, he sat down to dinner with his parents and the soup was too hot, and that's what he said he's like the soup is too hot. Like, could you imagine, like having a kid that you're like 100% sure is retarded? Oops, nope, you can't say that. Okay, well, you could. Then so let's just shouldn't I just cancel you can't say that. Why, though? Like, okay, when I was growing up, you have to understand I come from a time where it was like you could just call that to somebody cause they were being dumb, but not dumb, right? But I mean like at a certain point, like, okay, technically Helen Keller was deaf dumb and blind, but like sometime and I'm assuming like between the 70s and 80s, it became a slang for like that's dumb. Like, don't do that because whatever you're doing is not right, which is like, okay if you're not right, then you're what? Retarded. Like, I'm sorry. I'm like some certain things are not going to be like, I'm, you know. I'm like early 2000s game or culture, that's gay, but I love gay. It's like nobody's being derogatory about that. I'm being derogatory about your behavior and I might even use it as like a positive you know what's what describing words or adjectives? I don't know. I'm going through. I'm going to processes realizing that like, okay, I'm at the age where certain information is gonna be offloaded. Certain like it's not coming back ever. Like, you like, I I know Spanish, but only if I have to speak it and it's not like, I'm not developing any other nothing else is like my brain is like, we don't need this, do we? I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I should hold on to that. No, no, we don't need this. I'm like, okay, well. there are certain things about me that are just not gonna change at this point. I'm not sorry, because honestly, weren't too offended at everything when, like, there're there are things that are offensive that nobody really is offended about. like, if you really found an offensive, it would not exist anymore, you know? Because when somebody becomes really passionate about something, and they change it. Which is why I'm taking my time. I like, youo, annihilation is imminent. Like this cannot be anymore. Like, you don't change my brain chemistry. Fuck that shit. my brain chemistry is perfect the way that it is. Like I'm almost sure that like the entire mental health industry will change based on ideals that are like blooming and other like in other what the fuck was I just saying exactly ideas that are already springing up in in small circles. like they'll, you know, be one day. Like that's just valid, like nothing's really wrong with you. something's wrong with the world. Like, why? Like, and what can we do to change that? It could be environmental completely. It could take somebody with like severe mental health issues, severe schizophrenia, severe bipolar disorder, severe fucking severe depression, severe anxiety and change their environmental factors or even just like change the fact that that like they're facing poverty, poverty is a mental illness and that's not what it's not looked at as such. It's looked at as a deficiency on the individual's part when it could be like and it could be a polethro of environmental factors. That'll change. It will in my lifetime. I know that it will. It may not be because of me because for the most part, I'm a pacifist. I really am. I'm a yoder, like, honestly, it has to be like visibly hurting someone else or hurting me painfully enough for me to be passionate about it to make it change. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not. I don't want I don't really want to be a leader, especially because like people are still like populating this planet. I don't necessarily I don't I don't wanna be like a a leader in anything because that is like that's too much power. Honestly, just let me play the music and then fuck off. And I will fuck off. Like if you think I talk too much or you find me annoying or you think I'm stupid like eventually I I disappear. That's it a self-reflective Go away, all right. I't have to be asked twice. I don't stay in places where I'm not welcome. So, New York it's been good. Are't not really. But somebody I thought okay, who else am I obsessed with? I love this new lady that I found. Her name is Gina something rather fucking amazing. I I love New York people because I love New York people. Like I really do. like it is well, it's hard to fucking there's a fucking oh, honestly, it could be simplified to this as like, okay, maybe this embraces like the new the New York feminine and what I really hate is the New York masculine, which is just toxic, just disgusting, like where I spinning on things, shut the fuck up, like, are you not self aware? Like it's it's certain level of and I'm not, I'm really not binary in the sense where it's like balanc, bro. like balance, like a little bit of everything is good and like half masculine, half feminine is like a good balance, non-binary embracing that. But like yo, dude, there's a certain rasculinity about the city that's the thing that makes it nasty. It was like, whoa. whoa. I'm like, that's nasty, but I was oh, okay, I'm in love with this person. Her name is like Gene or something rather. I'm still I still have like I no, I have no feet in the comedy pool cause like I realized I stopped performing comedy and I stopped writing it, and like all the like semi tragic possibility, like possibly hilarious situations that were happening to me when I was actively writing comedy just stopped. I was like good, I don't necessarily need to be in that right now. That's that has sailed and will probably later sink, but I don't want to be in there if like, okay, like you're funny, if like sad and bad shit happens to you all the time. I'm like, that's fucked up. I don't wanna be that guyc 50 years from now I could be that guy and like still not earn a penny more than I'm earning right now making music underground. So if it's if I had to choose between the two, I've already earned mastery in recording arts. 10,000 hours or more, like I don't necessarily like being a comic is like another ladder. It's another it's a thing. And honestly, when I stopped like, well, I mean, like I I took a break from tears of a clown because it became such a like passion project for me that I was like, oh, this is that I'm caring too much like I should stop. and still not finish and it's not it's not like, it never had a release date in mind, so it's not necessarily like what's it delayed? Yeah, it's not delayed, and it's not it's definitely not in hiatus, but like, I realized that I have a certain responsibility to my audience altogether. It like to do this show as well and so like this, there's been taking kind of a priority, knowing that like my hiatus has been longer than any other hiatus is, and that I owe it to like my homegrown audience and my weird coat following to like okay like I have to give you guys everything from fucking like November to now and just musically that's a lot but then I've also the writing has also accompanied it and so it would be a shame to just let that go entirely because I feel that like my actual, my actual fan base is here in this show, unfortunately, well, not unfortunately, because I've started to get like a sense of familiarity within the dance music scene, like, as a producer through this podcast as a medium, because when I started doing this podcast, like, it wasn't like people weren't generally like now people are doing like following my, what's it? format. Like people weren't really doing DJ mixes and like putting music on podcasts, like it just wasn't people weren't doing it. I was the only one doing it now everybody's doing it and it makes me want to do it less, but then also like I have to kind of show consistency with myself in order for me to feel like I'm still doing something. What was that rant about? I don't know. I'm obsessed with this lady name's Gina or something rather. She's super New York. What would she say? that I really liked? Oh, if you didn't know the rules before you got to New York, you you like if you came to New York and you're not having a good time, you probably didn't know the rules before you got here.rect. I didn't come here on purpose. This was my layover city. I came here by accident and I did not know the rules. Now I'm learning the rules and I'm like the rules are fucked up and rules are kind of meant to be broken if you're disturbing my peace, I will then disturb your peace. No, I will not. I do not believe an eye for an eye, and also I feel that you are dangerous people. I will then report you to the police and and make the proper documentation in order for it to stop. I'm a snitch. I don't give a fuck. Like if you're actually hurting me, like if you're changing my the way that I think and the way that I feel, like if you're making me sick inside of my own environment, like you deserve it. I'll give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give any kind of fuck. And then that way, I am a feminist, cause it's like, yo, dude, like how long are you gonna sit and take somebody hurting you before you actually realize that like you're not the problem they are and in order for their behavior to stop, you have to actually like you have to prevent this by stepping up for yourself. It's kind of like a show and like, okay, like like at a certain point it is kind of like a game. Like how long are you going to let me do this to you before you just fucking like get up and fucking hit me back? And I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't want to fight, but at the same time, like, bro, like I've been getting my ass whipped by these idiots and so I'm like, okay, I have to actually, but I'm still not a fighter. I have to do it in a way that makes sense and so that the community can be improved when I move on. Like I don't necessarily want to put somebody in the same place that I am now because I really am not I don't and just improve it. Like I believe so much in doing that, like not just leaving no trace, but like improving the place from which you are situated when you leave so that when the next person comes through, they don't have to struggle through the same hardship. So in that way, leadership, sure, be

[A beautiful dog enters the palace; C'esme't is pleased—actually, more thrilled.] Now! (Yo!) [The Dog sits at the entrance.] Call to me. [he speaks from the mind (telepathically) with a familiar tonal voice] Come, sweet stranger! [The Dog approaches] For it is I, the King who walks as not a ghost For yet the call has spoken that I be your loyal shadow (it's me; the King. I've been called to watch over you) Then? (Elaborate.) For now I came as waked dost I as ghost and wandered, pity and pardoned by no army dared Aghast my throne And agape my eyes, Wide my mouth and nostrils, Disemboweled and yet, I did wake with my fortune And tidings in my kingdom, a hidden realm, For there slayed, as I wept, The others dared to swallow, This truth, I, as knight and pawn doth slay the Queen, For titled King no friend of mine; And now, this beast as blood dost froth, My mind does waste, but here I bark Fortunate! To be laid by as you, I will. Then, creature, as you may! For free, this I, And coming not the time I shall l awaken, And then, though, Does the true challenge to bear, The altar; the stone, the shield and the rope From which I pull, and thee shall fight. Marriage of souls. To fancy this beast, betrayeth not. For something barks as is an end As a man does call a lover friend And so lover-friend I am and shall be. Lol what the fuck. So he's a dog now. ‍♀️ wtf is going on in this show. Idk. I'm baked. Enter The Multiverse L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny ‍♂️ Ascension: Enter the Multiverse The titles switched. Good idea. So maybe I should stick with t mobile? Idk. Mint mobile is 15 dollars a month for unlimited talk and text. HERE AND NOW I DECREE, THIS FEAST DOES NOURISH ALL OUR MINDS AND HEARTS TO FIGHT THE GOOD WAR AGAINST ALL HE WHO SQUANDER THE MERCY OF PEACE! TO COURAGE! lol you lost me. I'm grasping at strings here. I needs a means to an end I need a body bag, body bag I need a King and a dog And a cat and an owl And a mark and a dawn And a knife and a gun Call it what you want I was not at the rock But that's where I was going I'm lost in Omaha I was just on the dark With the dark and the walkers The king and the rabbit The facts and the stalkers But who sunk the boat? Who sunk the boat Now this is encouragement! Acknowledgements? Nothing yet. Disaster strikes obvious and No regrets But obvious I'm in it for the long run And it transpired for the job done But the waffles came out awful And crispier than I wanted Almost every time So I took the iron back to target And I know I came out with a double album in August But I got no promotions So I won't walk the carpet So I won't walk the carpet I know I know I'm no Joan Rivers Or Joan of ark so I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip Now, more followers Show boat, Throw him overboard into a rowboat With no paddles And horseshoes on em— That outta show ‘em Rondevouz Rob us all Noah's Ark Don't get so lost in the story Lost in the sory Lost in the LORNE MICHAELS …you caused this. [In a secret lab inside of 30 Rock, A group of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alumni are trapped inside a metal box; this room has no doors and no windows and seems to be amplifying thought frequencies each of them hears uniquely, but distinctly, and very, very loudly. This is due to the irrefutable fact that they are all gifted telepaths, due to having served time often looking into the lenses of live broadcast cameras. it is theorized that, because of this anomaly— a strange and untraceable signal seeming to intercept all of Rockefeller Plaza's Radio antennae transmissions, it may be an unknown extraterrestrial force attempting to comminicste with 30 Rock from space. On this day, they've been gathered and trapped here in an emergency focus group to attempt to remedy the problem. Haha. MAKE IT STOP. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THST, WHYYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHY!!! Craters full of lullabies and dictionary definitions; Tense intimate interactions, and now, this hypertension. I have a secret, a dirty little secret. I didn't do it! It wasn't me! Hmm..okay–vouch. I'm telling you–wait– vouch? Yeah, I vouch. You're vouching me? I'm vouching you. She's vouching me. She vouched you. So i'm good? You're good. I'm good. You're good. Ok. SETH MEYERS is the best secret keeper in the entirety of the known and unknown multiverse. The respective deities and entities within the outer realms have taken notice to this; One of the world's greatest eve played game has become the ritualistic endeavor of tracking down this human in order to attempt to overwhelm him so that he might eventually crack or implode, or even acknowledge these sometimes outrageous events and otherworldly happenings; thus far, he has not. As of recently, the elders of the darkest deities from the furthest outer realms and legions of Hell have been taking this game with the now very famous and successful seth meyers, a popular TV host; this has elevated the e ntirety of the threshold for Seth's tolerance, and it appears he may soon be pushed to crack. So why are you on the wire? I atrophied at extravagant Tip toed in the tip ties; Til' then, i went there, Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Pull the curtain back, Then you censor this Censor this! I pull the curtain back, then redact then redact don't react don't react It's an act it's an act Shit I pull the curtain back then I bow; It's a show now Pull the curtain back then I show, It's a showdown Listen up, Listen down I super blow my flow now, super bowl my pronouns You can't lose if you don't pick a team You can't win if you don't even play I can't pay you if I don't get a paycheck I can't work at it if it's not fame Oh no! I can't work at it if it's not fame. The isms is the synthesis; I only got one present for christmas When you [can] Take that spark and bury it in your heart, don't remark about it– Then, probably you're a comic Or an alcoholic, one of the two of them Wrong not to touch, then Willed you back into existence And still it's in exigence, and Guilty by association Guilty by association I just want to know what the current Tonight Show budget is for hair dye. Also wondering why JImmy's suit is grey, but his hair isn't? Is that a two in one? Honest to God my only question about this man. The rest can remain as mystery. Act V Part II Guilty By Association Sometimes I Stevie Wonder what you're up to; I can't see you but I know you're in my aura Sometimes I Richard Pryor while you're on my mind; I guess you could say you set my soul on fire My, my my Look what time it is I've only just begun to know you; Then I had to dieSo turn the light off My eye Turn the light off for awhile And follow me to darkness Follow me To the other side. It's not true, but it'll do I might have lost you somewhere Better off to leave you somewhere sure; If it's not pure And how could it be When only the light hits the snow And bounces off The warmth is an illusion, And your love is just a dream And anyway, anyway There's nothing i've ever been surer of Than the definite end, The enter and exit And when planets align, Only to fall completely out of orbit Now what was this for again Foreigner, object identified and destroyed it's destructive qualities, Tentative in a nature Sure, pressure– Resentment, Intense good moments of pleasure, Then signals sent Completely by accident. -Now that i've been thinking lately of Bill Murray And my formerly imaginary friend Riff Raff, Now i'm sure that There may be some telepathy involved Which means I should probably just– Go somewhere else now. Should I be sorry for my thoughts? I'd rather not, But still YO. Yo dude, what the fuck. I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS MOVIE FOR LIKE A YEAR. That's not that long… IT'S A LONG TIME TO BE IN A MOVIE. Please don't tear me to pieces; Don't blow the balloon up, No foul ball, No side eye No fowl play And dinner is as cold as it gets But dinner does warm In the aluminum foil, But all out of order, The border patrol is just Digging for details Digging for details. And it's this: You don't know what it is, Until you get into it, And it sets into you The only way it can When it's in you. Are you paying attention to this? Or can I just end it? Boston accents or what, And now i really think It's just inside my head It's just inside my head and This is getting weird. All of a sudden, I'm oh wonder and I love it And Sara Silverman has The prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen (on a celebrity) ((with whom I share a gender)) Aha. Okay, Sabrina Carpenter has a very pretty voice But that doesn't make me Any less jealous Or any less capable of explosion Disarm me I'm catching up on the specials I missed Being special I guess With no grocery subscription Aim low, Get high, I guess Rob Lowe, Build time, I guess I miss the old announcer, And the golden years I miss the former times And the mouse ears I learned my less I might got Kim K and TSwift Pointer Finger Could hold a tune to you, Who The joys of live theatre, And the catastrophe of the Impenetrable Boy oh boy is Television getting heavy Turn up the ridiculousness and Atrocious Atrocities and Acidophilus Anorexic, I wish i could digest this –and expand my vocabulary I wish I was better than I am So i could be Capable Can Kim Kardashian ever not just be Naturally beautiful at everything Doing everything Kim The J I can't sing in this apartment And it might actually kill me The devil lives next door on both sides I'm in a satan sandwich I guess I'm just Not free I must have fucked up last lifetime I must have fucked up last lifetime I might have looked just like her I want to get upstaged by Eddie Murphy More corpse suits! Pink lipstick! Slap the desk Check the camera Front loading! Front loading! I want a chance at humbling white america (just kidding) I want a wig that looks like an afro (cause I don't have one) I want Lorne Michaels to shame me into beng better By making me feel mediocre first So I hit the high bar When I hit the body bag I hit the body bag When I hit the high road With Letterman YOU STOLE MY BODY TO GO TO A BLACK TIE FUNCTION!? Yeah. Well–which one? Okay, you're gonna get a kick out of this. I'm giddy for physical comedy THIS IS MY MANIFEST DESTINY MY MANIFEST DESTINY AHHHHHHHH MY MANIFEST DESTINAAAAAAA Comedy comes in all forms And God comes in all Karma I brace myself for repeating my mantras I light candles But don't blow them out I just might get my wish DO NOT RESIST. I AM RESISTING THIS ARREST. Oh yeah. YES. Shoot him. NO, DON'T. SHOOT HIM, BILLY BOB, SHOOT ‘EM. Crocodile hunter turned hard-up cop Read him his rights! He ain't white enough. So she's perfect! Me? I've been taken in I can't stand to stamp I can't christmas, Backwards And backwash And sanford and sons And Whatever And… Ego might eat me like Eggos Like Hannibal Burress was holding At the market I left my Ego at the door But there's just no room for the both For the both of us I KNOW I'll just write her a hit show! What. YES. THEN, SHE'LL LEAVE SNL, AND THEN I'LL BE THE BLACK GIRL ON THE SHOW MWAAHAHAHAHAHA Ok. wtf happened to that girl? SUNNI BLU [kicking and screaming] I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING ON FA– —-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! So many beautiful people, or, rather The actors, Or should I say Vortex Then. Too many beautiful people I spent the whole night warm and holed up in the office What could come out of The Rock I don't know where to look I'm not used to the audience Duh, that. I'm a professional audience member But i don't remember the ending Anybody? Anybody? Any envy actor actress? BPM: Dosage Anxiety Remix Honestly fuck the comed circut I just want to know what it's like to have a body What's it like to have a body? I'm just a collective consciousness robot Adapting to my environment I can't sing in this apartment! I'm in a Satan Sandwich And would be The God in the middle If God didn't find this Absolutely hilarious So I'm on 24 hours; You're on Saturday Nights, But i'm on 24 I broke my Don't-look up-folks rule on Brittney Howard Cause I think i'm just like herBut more of a coward. You're on Saturday Night Live But i'm on 24 Hours It hurts longer And stronger Every moment I'm gone And still not a mom I wish I could change my eyes The color of the world Before it all ends Earth gone And oceans of mud No tide And no moon (The Earth without the Sun) I don't want to know you I don't want to owe you a lesson. I don't want to go there. I don't want no dance numbers. I don't want no GOATS here. No goats here. I don't get it, Mass Media– Is this flattery, or Deception? Humiliation? Based in perception, I see, so Is this recognition or Did I just send Dillon Francis my script in the beginning? No answer, by God. What an asshole What if Alienz Don't like lesbians. What is trance is just bad dance music. That's… What if edifice breaks for a daily regimen of Letterman? What if RUN, FALLON, RUN! I'M ATTACHED TO A KITE I HAVE NO CONTROL OF THIS. WELL, WHAT IS IT ATTACHED TO?! YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW! —NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Look, It's Meryl Streep! Holy shit, Meryl Streep is hot. What.(I can't keep secrets>) God doesn't keep good secrets. Just stop talking. Look, It's “My Bad Chad” Holyfuck Are you gonna have all those burned off too? Or can I do it for you? (might cost less) Jk Kim K That's a tough act to follow. Ariana? Nah, Backup; Had that. Meanwhile: Me in a hatchback Campin' at the Palisades. My name's the hammer –Adam ruins everything– I am not goin' starstruck –Adam Ruins Everything– My name's the Hammer (I'm a hammer, damn) –Adam Ruins Everything– I love showbiz But I got hard work comin on Now pause:: I need a break Need to make money Now i get a two for one Two for one Hate me or love me Either way, I'm gonna show up, Blow up, Glow up, And fuck off I'm a lost cause Cause I lost God On a talk show The way the camera moves makes me nauseous virtual reality And everybody's mad at me for Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy Conan “snowball” O'Brien But why's he called that. Shh! Not Yet. Oh, you are so overdone and fucked right now! Shh! My mom might be listening. Like she's never heard the word ‘fuck'? Shhhh! MOM I heard that! See! She said she heard it; she didn't say stop it. Well stop it. Fuck me man! SHH. KNOCK IT OFF. Yes Mrs. Mason Who the fuck is Mrs. Mason. Come on, white america; Put me on late night I promise you I'll watch more hallmark artists Than all of them Every day over here is a suit and tie function Camera one? YOU DONE FUCKED WITH US FOR THE LAST TIME. Ah shit. lol . whart is thrus. Fucking–magicians or something. Freemasons. F– Alright. Where is he? Where is who? You know who! What? Donaghey!!!!!!!! Lol Alec Baldin is like 200 years old. *cackles too hard, falls over and dies* Yikes. JACK DONAGHEY enters from a Parallel dimension and sees ALEC BALDWIN'S CORPSE. …Huh. Who's this handsome son of a bitch, I wonder. Don't wonder too hard. We gotta find that court order and get out of here. What court order [Cort hors d'oeuvres] what. I don't know. It almost kind of rhymed with corpse and wonder and I'm still stuck writing in cadences. What for! Oh wow, the neighbor was really a plant forreal. STOP SLAMMIN THAT Yo fuck this. Waht the fuck am I supposed to do with all this information. [appearing entirely out of nowhere, as always.] JIMMY FALLON I told you to burn it. OH MY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST. STOP DOING THAT. I can't. That's– Apparently what I do. WELL GET OUT OF HERE. Wish I could. Strapped to a kite. THEN HOW ARE YOU STANDING HERE? WHAT? I'm learning a lot of things up there! UP–WHERE! Up yours. WHAT. *poofs* UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I hate this. TINA FEY Fuckit, he hates himself. Lets just assume. No, that's it. That's the singularity. What. It can't– He's just so confi— That's the singularity. [everything ploofs back to normal] See. I win. FUCK. ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I'M YOUNG AGAIN. i”M YOUNG AGAIN. [The entire cast stares at their returned to period-accurately aged cast mate; He appears so confident and wise, however–just a glint of insecurity falls over him–this indeed was the singularity; rather than to risk all of time and space defrabicating for a third and albeit final time, they rain down on their castmate, with the angry hellfire of a gregorian mob, urging him to GO LOVE YOURSELF. Long Night at work, or just Shoo fly, don't bother me– I'm more caught up on the Rudolph Storyline, How it's some mystic But I missed it With the lip stick And the vintage this and thats Person Welcome to Hogwarts, Of course, It's your funeral God bless the illuminati All I see is– NOT IT. IT WASN'T ME. I DIDN'T DO IT. JLO BITCH, STOP TALKING. Woah, What the FUCK JLO. JLO WHAT IN THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY? I–wh– Wait… Fallon? SHHHHThhHHHTHhhTHHHH!! Give me one bet Died inside Who's doing which thing God bless these envies! Gie me one shot Now who am I?Ace in the hole? I died inside. Don't break the barrier Don't run the wall Don't be the villain Fall, JImmy, Fall. To float, or to fall Or to walk away To shop at the mall Or to bet it all on Fall on And I tell you to jump, you jump! And I tell you to move, You move! And I tell you to movie, You movie! And I show you the blue OH GOD. Gimmie the binoculars! No, you don't wanna see What! Why not! HE MOONED ME. I got three of a kind Three of a kind Three of hearts Two of diamonds HAH. I DOn'T LiKE THIS. Fuck off, The Ace. And very kindly, Go fuck yourself. Four aces, Four aces A mindfuck for the both of us An open book And shotglasses And fans of ours Its good to laugh At the ones you love Love Love Love Love It's showbiz, It's showbiz; I love it I want to die. I love it I love it I missed the bar I fucked up somewhere. Don't look back in anger, Or don't look back at al. Fall, Fall, Fall Fall Fall Love Love Love Love Love Love Did you notice I haven't looked back. I put you up on a– Up on a Up on a pedestal Then remembered To forget it all, In indifference Foraged your signature Sorry, I don't want a lot of hawk-a-loogie clock-the-woman knockdown, dragout drama I got a feel for it. What if all your forfeitures were fortunes All your donuts turned subordinates To astronauts Or fake dreams for fak streams and dreaming of Don't bother me I'm on poverty I want walks on the beach and blue bunny ice cream sundaes I've got a whole city Marked off in my journal For frozen custard and Lost in a thought, are we? Trust me, I think I died. Trust me, I trusted the God of Mercy Trust me I went all the way to the burden, Bought a hammock And then worked harder than nobody No dropped calls from mother No one's home at all Work harder I thought Sweater Weather was my new DJ name, But as it turns out, It was my telepathy ringing me I rode to the top of the rock with the beatlesI didn't mean for it to be me But i was twice out of body, Once out of mind. Now give me a minute Please. Let me become indifferent Don't need no friends, Long roads Roundhouse kicks to the face Hard rolling baggage Heart shaped boxes Or Prophets Don't need dozens of roses don't need diamonds Do need dinosaursDo need phone numbers do Do do . –but don't– don't don't. When i fall in line I write books and poems, songs And suffer, slugger . This is what I struggled with– who paid the neighbor bitch to feed me the whole special And slam doors On my mental That shit struck a chord And rubbed me the wrong way But i'm humble I won't touch nobody's Body at all. Nobody's. Now my dreams make sense, kind of But why are these my dreams And not actual people and most of all What does it mean? That I'm equal to? Or lesser than? Like the emerald stone on Sir Paul McCartney's hand, I went green for a moment It's just banter.I'm just having a hard time (I can't sing in this apartment)I might need a band I might need a bandaid. I might need a bath Some peroxide and hair dye My heart's broken I'm having a hard time But still not struggling I might have a hard time But not as hard as the afterparty was, And I struck gold. Kept walking Roll dice. Four of a kind, Four kings, four aces Four of a kind, Four kites, And a night owl The Rock and the Kite, Part V STEFON It's this thing where… {Enter The Multiverse} –and that's why I wished my mom a happy birthday. [The Festival Project ™ ] Damn, the illuminati really showed out for the oscars this year. CONAN SHHHH. He even says “I Am” Then commands the stage Look at all those long legs Now we're on enclave or conclave? I don't know. I'm feeling more ravey. Tears of a Clown Nobody to save me Not even shug avery. Who? That's right? Now i'm feeling more Broadway, baby. L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny I wanna see the snake sitting next to you; Show me those eyes I love models and the lack thereof Inside of them I want to see the feral reptile Show me those eyesI love that she flies through life Right to you Right It's a boys club Boy they Really prize these Chappel Roans and Timothee Chalemet But where am I at? –Adam Ruins Everything– A couple forced fake laughs Cause I like highlights Stagecrafts Craftservices And god knows I can't write like this And I'm About To die [CONAN O'BRIEN leaves television to run a Bed and Breakfast in ORLANDO.] INT. BED AND BREAKFAST. ORLANDO. … [Calamity ensues] Conan killed the oscars, Stole the wand, The show and the bowtie (hostses with the mostest) –and that's why he's Snowball. No, i'm sure it's because my fur is fluffy and– Okay no more outdated rick and morty references Fine. Was that Dillon Francis behind Ben Stiller Or do I still just like white guys That much. Why do A-Listers like reptiles so much? Show me those eyes, you know I could use a good lunch (Birds of Prey eat snakes) {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™ Episode Transcript: Yeah. Okay, this is terrifying. I haven't actually done this in it feels like way longer than it's been. In reality, it's only been like three like maybe three days, but it makes all the difference in the world. Hi. what's going on, I was just reminiscing about kitten mittens. Aw shit. I dropped my pen. If you remember if you're listening to this right now and you remember kittenman. congratulations, you've been with me since the beginning. um anyway, I don't know why I was just remembering that. kitten mittens. I thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. I really I might have been delirious. losing my mind at a certain point, but I thought kittens was the best thing in the world. It was at the time. I was like I couldn't think of anything better. Then again, I was uh I don't know, I was discovering many hilarities. excuse the idiots in the back, they are idiots. um and they and they do this based on whatever I'm doing in my apartment. I'm their god. Anyway. I'm excused the background noise is still gonna be a a little bit uh while we're dealing with that, but at least you can help me collectively consciously remove them from existence entirely, um with the help of you know a collective existence we can get rid of evil. I don't I don't entirely. I'm not sure. I think that it would take a lot of people to understand that like a lot of it is just a game. I think it would take raising the entire consciousness of like people as a whole for them to understand that like, most of it is for entertainment and based off perceptions. So, like, whatever you' idea for the world is, like it was your idea. Whatever's making you upset is it was your idea. So I'm kind of coming to like terms with that in my own, like sense. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, whatever is happening, I'm like a certain like at the surface level is wrong, but like on a grander scale, like I programmed this into my reality for whatever purpose in order to better suit my, like ideal reality. That's, you know, that's that's it. I can't attribute it to anything else. They're idiots, cause I'm idiots. Anyway, what else is going on? I don't know, I was I'm gonna try and do this off book. I think I do have like I have some notes, but like I don't like the way that it feels when I'm going off of my notebook because it feels like robotic. It feels really, you know, like and not necessarily rehearsed, but it's it feels planned and when I listen back to the episodes where I do go off of like notes or something like that, I don't like the way that it sounds. Hearing myself back, going from a going going from like a script. And so I try to keep it like 100% improvisational and it keeps it fresh. and honestly, honesty goodness, I haven't been on the Peloton for like more than 15 minutes at a time since I stopped doing these episodes. I don't know what it is about the sound of my own voice, but maybe it's the fact that like, I'm in performance mode and I'm giving you guys like I'm in, you know, I'm like in my radio voice and then I'm watching back like a performance of myself in order to like, I don't know. It's like it's like experiencing myself for the first time secondhandedly because I'm not necessarily not thinking about what I'm saying, but I'm also not thinking about what what I'm saying or how I'm saying it as I'm saying it. And then, you know, sometimes I just really like even on my hardest days, sometimes I make myself laugh the very most, and I'm like, okay, there's another reason to keep doing it. Because for the most part, I'm like I don't wanna do this anymore, it costs me too much money and it's not. Like, I'm not a clut person. I'm just not a clout guy. I don't like doing stuff for clout, cause clout doesn't pay the bills and clout doesn't clout doesn't necessarily get you jobs, like unless it's like the right person's clout. Like, you get have clout from a million people, and if none of those million people are the well, a million is kind of where they drive line. Like if a million people are like, yeah, this is the shit, then it might get you a job. But like a million is probably the minimum number for that. Like if you don't have a million followers or you don't have a million views or you don't have a million of anything of just like clout like it doesn't pay bills. So I'm not a cloud person. I'm not just gonna do whatever off clout. What did I get off that on that clot rat for? I don't know, what was I saying? Oh, I'm going off book. I'm off. script. Anyway. what can I remember from things that I wrote down?, I don't know. I've been reading a lot. I've been, you know, doing doing the best that I can. I've been well, I've been reading. I've been reading children's books specifically because I'm finding information. Well, first of all, I picked up these children's books with the hope that I would be the owner of a small library and I'm not. I'm actually putting a lot of the books back into like society, which is fine. I'm just downsizing. It's actually helping me feel a lot better. Like my head is a lot clearer, my studio. My studio for for the first time in a long time was like a place that I can that I feel like I want to work. and it was the weirdest thing because I went through like a year of just like collecting whatever book I saw, like whether it was just like on a stoop, like I, you know, for whatever or out of the little free library or like just wherever, because books are everywhere in New York and that's probably my favorite thing hands down about New York is that like wherever you go there are books and they're free and you can pick them up. But I'm also very sensitive to energy, so as like an energy worker and a transmuter, it became congested to the point where it's like, okay, there is like a certain type of energy that's not that's foreign to me and as much cleansing and as much like, you know, whatever, as much, you know, in any kind of, you know, like spiritual work I was doing, there's an energy here that I'm not necessarily comfortable with. And I realized every time I picked up a book, I fell into like a certain type of world, you know, and it wasn't just like whether the book caught my attention from just like the cover or whatever, and then I decided to flip through it or whether it was like a book that I was stuck in, I was falling until like a certain energy or a certain world and that every book had a certain energy to it. And so I realized after a year of collecting hundreds of books that I had literally hundreds of energies, like floating through my space and it became like hectic and it became heavy to the point where I was like, like, I don't necessarily want to hold on to all these things. and so it's it's been really rejuvenating. I've been going through a time of just like not necessarily like I know I have a lot of stuff to do. but one of the stuff to do is is like going through all of the things that I know that I need to like let go of in order to feel better. And it has been helping me feel better. It has for the most part, I'm still doing a lot with like my energy recovery and the noise here has a lot to do with it. I'm now like I now have anxiety to the point where I have like a consistent nauseum. like every time I hear like any kind of motor, like I get sick and now it's it's actually getting worse the longer that I've stayed here with the noise, it's like I now have like an upset stomach all the time, headaches twitches. It's the it's the most fucked up thing ever. and I've also been learning more about because I'm, you know, still still really focused in my music and so frequencies and, you know, like I've always been like a huge believer and like layered frequencies for healing, like sound healing, beta thick alpha, and and the whatnot, but I finally caught onto a piece of information that made me realize how the noise outside has affected my brain chemistry and not just in the way that it's like it's annoying or it's a nuisance or it's harassment, which it is all of those things, according to the law, but in a sense of what's happening to my brain chemically, like the chemical changes that are happening in my brain, or the frequency changes that are happening in my brain are actually the things that are making me more upset than loss of sleep, or, you know, like a disruption or disorganization of my mind or my daily habits. The thing that's making me the most upset is what I'm realizing is it's changing my frequency, and I'm not talking about just my my aura I well, I am in a sense, but like the frequency, the frequency differences that that your brain your brain goes into different frequencies during, you know, waking state, alha state, better state, you know, and when you're sleeping, you're in um I well, it depends on the person actually, and it depends on the type of sleep that you're getting. Like most people sleep and like a data state from what I'm understanding and this is the state of like conscious dreaming. And this is this, I could be incorrect because honestly, I layer them anyway. And I finally I finally did it. I I did. I' I was working on a song and I realized that I achieved like perfect theta without actually even meaning to. And I think I did another one and that was like in perfect gamma without even like it was just mixed perfectly. that it I was also listening to like a gamatone and then I realized I was like, wait, is that the song or is it the tone? Because, you know, if the if the frequency that you're listening to is pure enough, it will actually distort the bass or the, you know, it will distort the entire sound of whatever you're listening to. So sometimes things can sound warped or like they're waving or like they're going through something because those tones are kind of like they're they're moving against each other or with each other just kind of depends. And so what what has been, well, I wanted to finish, well, yeah, I think I have at least one song now that's in theta, and I have at least one song that's in gamma, completely. and and I and I shocked myself because I was listening to the tones and I was like, wait, the wait a second. like, I'm feeling like double here. Is this this song that I'm listening to, that I'm checking back the mix, or is this the the frequencies? And I I turned off all the frequencies and sure enough, it was the song. It was like a pure I was like, wow. I'm like that's an achievement. I did it completely by accident and I wish I knew the formula that I used to do that.c some people are so mathematic about it. Like some people are so uh like, you know, some people do this to their music. A lot of people, especially inass music, that's why it is the way that it is, is you're going to a show to get these frequencies like zapped into your body at at full forces. and some people know how to do it on purpose. I did it on accident, so I'm like, if I can continue to achieve at this but I'm trying to figure out like the mathematical equation or like the actual sonic equation for making this happen, like every time, because going through my history ofass music, I will finish in a second, going through my history of bass music, I have always gravitated to the to these frequencies, to the frequencies that make me feel better after a certain amount of time listening to them or a certain amount of time being in in that frequency. So that's this is the music that has, I guess subconsciously kind of for the kind of artist that I am. But this is the reason why I'm upset about the noise. like the most upset about it, like not even on a legal level, on a social level, on a moral level, like, no, this is actually morally wrong, it is morally wrong on so many fucking levels. I'm like, why are you so like, why obviously I did this on purpose, like in my God complex, I'm like, oh, well, I can better the community as long as I make a point, like that environmentally, this is damaging people. It's giving people mental illness, that it or like if they're predisposed to mental illness, it's even worse, but it's it's also like causing mental illness and people that are otherwise healthy people, which is not a lot of people in New York City given. It's just not. It's not a healthy place. A lot of people are not healthy. But even in like moderately healthy humans, this noise disruption can cause like brain changes and chemistry changes, and this is the reason why I'm so upset is because when you are sleeping, if you are sleeping, your brain is in a certain level that is like in a healing state. In the first few minutes that you wake up, as I understand it. In the first few minutes after you wake up, your brain is in a state that it can like that you can manipulate your entire environment, that you can change things, that you can heal yourself. And so when I'm waking up in the first few minutes in the very first thing that I hear is a motorcycle that's ripping through my fucking brain, it's changing my brain frequency from a frequency that is like at the at the at a human level or at any kind of level, kind of the the thing that makes every human capable of being a genius, not the genius level able to heal yourself and the frequency that you're able to heal yourself is what you automatically wake up in. So when you' when this frequency is interrupted, it's intercepted in immediately into a negative thought pattern. And so you immediately, so what's happening, what's been happening to me over the last year with the motorcycle nuisance harassment problem or whatever the fuck I don't care what it's called on paper. I just want it to stop like I just want to live in peace. It's not like and kind of having like coming from a a background where I kind of tend to have like take responsibility for myself, like oh, it must be something that I'm doing and yes, I also have like a higher god complex or like an ego if you want to call it, that's like, oh no, I must have done this on purpose. And you know, like in order for the greater good, like in order to fulfill my purpose in some sort of way, it must be it must be part of my process to have this. That's also my ego like I'm a god. like, you know, that's just me, that's the generation. That's the generation that I come from. That's our mindset. Like nothing happens in this world without me in it, period. That's why rappers are rappers and that's why that's why models are models. We all have egos and it's really hard to kill the bitch. I've had at least ten ego dusts throughout my fucking like existence and it still comes back. It doesn't matter. You can have an ego death and be like a completely ego list for like what, six months tops? Eventually you're gonna have like the ego is is is imp important to survival, because I lost the word. I think implemental what was I gonna use? I was definitely a for syllable word. Either way, it is you need it. Like if you if you oh, you know, people might describe people, like being in like a in a sense of humility as like, oh, just completely without ego, but like at the end of the day, like, no, like your ego allows you to actually like compensate with the rest of the world, like, most people do not have no ego entirely, or at least for like, like a week after your acid tri or whatever, yeah, like, oh, had ego death and I completely. But like within I swear to God, like within six months time, like your ego has at least minimally like repaired itself. That's what an ego does, that's why you have it. You have it. It's a survival. It's it's a part of your consciousness that has to do with survival if you don't have your ego, like you're pretty much dead in the world, especially the way it is now. Anyway, this is that that's going to probably close up my spiel on that. Yeah, I'm upset because instead of like the first few moments of my waking moments being a healing, time, it is immediately going into disarray and chaos and anxiety. And so in in so I'm losing like, I don't I don't really care about oh, I mean, like I care about life in a sense, but I mean, like, and it in a mortal sense. I like, yes, it's taking years off of me. and I feel it like in the way that it's like, I I am slower to do regular things or like, whatever my rising thoughts, might be are completely just destroyed by this like what I've what I've come to perceive is like an evil force. It is evil in so many levels again this breaks down from like a higher consciousness to like a lower state of consciousness. The lower state of consciousness is saying that like these people are just idiots. They're idiots and they are not self aware of the fucking like pollution that they're doing on kind of middle sense, I'm like, oh, it's politics, it's like gentrification if these guys run around in circles, then people call up the fucking place, the place gets fucking more allocated funds to their fucking police officers, the police officers have fucking filling their quotas. It's all bureaucracy and paperwork and politics on that middle level and on the highest level it is like no, this is evil, it's pure evil because people are so grossed out by the fact that fucking New York is New York and also the wage and income and quality factor is that this guy is doing whatever the fuck he has to do brown. He's doing well, not that guy. that guy's that guy's a weak dick motherfucker. He has a small dick and everybody in the neighborhood knows it. He drives around and circle making people miserable. He also I'm it's the same dude. that same dude followed me to the Trader Joe's. It's the same dude, so I'm like, I like I know the sound of his bike from anything, so I definitely know when I'm at the Trader Joe's and then he's like all of a sudden traffic like, I'm like yo dude like why the fuck you following me to Trader Joe's like I live four miles away, which is not that far on the fucking motorcycle, but I came all the way over here on the subway for you to follow me on your bike. week, dick, bro.way, like, fuck this, fuck this, fuck that guy, fuck this neighborhood, fuck this place, fuck these politics, fuck these people. On a low frequency. Like on a low frequency, I'm like, fuck all this, like on a high frequency, I'm like, there's a purpose or whatever, it'll work, is temporary, blah, blah, blah. What the fuck was I saying? I don't know. I what the fuck was I ranting? I don't know. I that's that shiel, right? Trader Joe, hello Trader Joe. It's not safe. No, but you know, oh man, let's you say I, whatever. Let's just say oh, whatever. a lot. What else do we got? I don't know. I put on an album that came out today, yay, it's called all the rage. Actually, all that all that gripe about like, oh, it's an EP when I'm sure that the stores are gonna call it an album. I was like, I'm sure it's gonna be an album, so I just started calling it an album. like the release comes out and they're like, it's an EP, you congratulations. So I I thought I was putting out an album, that I was an EP, but it just missed the cutoff her album, because technically you can have a six track album and if it's over 30 minutes. If and you can have a six track album that's an EP like this, all the range is technically an EP at least according to Spotify's standards. And it's, I think it's like two and a half minutes under I think it's like 2 and a half minutes under, so it's an EP, but it's six tracks and I'm really excited about it. I kind of put a little bit more promotion into it than usual. I even had some press done, and that's great. because you can get pressed done. They're like,Yo, for $500. You'll be famous tomorrow. I'm like, that fucked up. That's a paycheck for some people. and that's not famous. also. They're charging people to be like spectacular. Well, they're charging they're like charging for people to be like popular, which is I think it's wrong, like ethically, you shouldn't be able to do that, like, oh, no, you're gonna get on all the playlists and whatever, you're gonna have like all like you should not be able to sell followers, like whether they're real people, which is slavery or they're robots, which is also slavery. Like you should not be able to sell fame that's making it like now I don't even trust like, okay, like this person got an award, but like, okay, because because the album was popular, because it was better than all the other ones. Or like, how do you know that you even heard all the albums because there are so many, and that like, okay, this person who put like zero dollars into promotion, how do you know that album wasn't better? because you didn't hear it? Because the person with a million dollar ad campaign won the fucking won the fucking award? Because you heard it because they put a million dollars into the fucking promotions. So it makes it makes everything the fact that everything is on a level system that's based on money is completely unfair. Like the all the industries are broken, it's not just music. Like, it's not just music. I'm like, holy shit, like you could spend like a year, an average year salary, which is what's the median income now. even with like no adjustment for inflation, like what, $50,000? Okay. So you could spend $50,000 on your your career so you'd have to you'd have to do that. That's even you're still competing with people who have a million dollars for doing nothing. That's insane. Anyway, I'm not bitter. What the fuck did I do earlier that I wasn't that literally the spirit that was like, don't be salty. I was like, oh, I was like,Yo, stop teaching models to fucking DJ, because I I happened on this girl that was like, yo, like I actually liked some of her music. I liked some of her music, but she wasn't doing much. And like everything was just fake. It was like super duper fake, but she was mad gorgeous and like more of these girls are popping up out of nowhere that are like not they're like models that are barely touching the decks and they're like a march. I'm like yo, dude, if that girl made this music like okay, maybe I should see her, but like, I'm like no somebody goes produce this because like she's moving badly in time to it and I realized something about being a producer is like yo if you spent enough time actually crafting this like this piece, you're not gonna move like badly to it like you're not going to move weird to music that you made because it's in you like it came from in your body. So like, I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at and I'm like, oh, I'm looking at propaganda. But then like, isn't that just kind of like discouraging people who don't have that type of body type or mindset, but it was funny because the algorithm was like don't be salty. It was like DJing is for everybody and if that's your passion and I'm like yeah, if that's your passion, but like, yo, when what where is the line between like propaganda and passion? Like, oh, I'm already a successful like, multimillionaire fashion model, but like I'm gonna be a DJ, like it washes out all the people who have actually like put in the work. It washes out all the people who have actually put in the work. Don't be salty. I was like fine, fine, but only because I like that algorithm. Only because I like that algorithm. I'm like fine, okay, we'll we'll be whatever. Whatever I've been reading. Oh, I read a book, let's see, let's see if I can remember the ones I already put back. I've been reading these uh this like children's book series on like famous people because I realized that they're written for children and I'm like, yo, dude, like somebody could read this whole series in the second grade and be smarter than me because I didn't know anything about the people that I'm reading about at all. And so they're like these little biographies. Well, I mean, they they're on a child's level. I don't know how long it would take a child to read, but they take me like an hour, hour and a half to read just like at a normal speed. And I read really fast. But I think the reason why from taking me so long to read them is because I actually take like a lot of I take a lot of like, I don't know, words or art to me, so if something is like especially musical, I might take it and be like that's a good song title. Like, if I think enough about this and what I know about this, like what kind of song is it? And, you know, just like little fun facts. Like first of all, I'm obsessed with George Lucas. I've never been a huge Star Wars person, just and I I realizing this. I've never been being on like Star Wars wicked. like, I've never been being on things that are like really, really big, but then I did grow up and kind of like a sheltered shut community where like most of the people like twilight, I wasn't hungerames, aylys Cyrus, well Hannah Montana at the time, okay? I just wasn't into those things, but most mostly because they're fans, actually, she just put out something that I kind of piqued my interest. It was in my fucking sl side bar. I was like, oh, no, what's this? I'm I might check it out. But I've been staying off the mainstream just cause I'm realizing like the reason that I'm seeing this is money and doesn't necessarily make it better or worse than anybody else. Because sometimes mainstream artists come out with crap and I think they do it on purpose, they're like,Yo, watch this. I can do whatever because so many millions of people love me, watch this. I'm like, damn. And then millions of people are like, yay, yes, yes, this. I'm like, the fuck? What did you do? And I'm pretty sure the mainstream artist is like consciously, even collectively like, you see what I'm saying? I can do whatever the fuck.c I did one thing cool, maybe like five things cool, like a long time ago, and literally don't have to do anything else. I just do this just to prove a poil. Like, I can shit on a track, literally. And millions of people will be like, I love you. I love you, please more of those. do it again. I'm like, oh, God, please, no. What the fuck? Millions of fans. Like once you have your fucking fan based unlock, like that's it. Like, you don't have to fucking people will be like, literally kissing at all of the ground that you touch for the rest of forever forever. That's it. I'm realizing that about fantom, so I'm like, yo, if you know what kitten mittens are. I'd still don't, but if you if you know kitten mittens, congrats, you're one of 12 people who actually like me. one of 12. I'm like 12 is enough. That's what Jesus had, right? might as well and Jesus technically have like 11 I don't know why I like that guy so much. I'm pretty much obsessed with him, too. I love Jesus. I'm like, Jesus is the god kind of I mean, like he's technically like three gods. anyway, why am I obsessed with uh George Lucas? First of all, he's one of the coolest people ever, Kate, like, okay, first he was a greaser, like a real greaser. like from the movie Grease, but like the actual thing before the movie Grease, cause if I if I'm not mistaken, he was like a greaser before they made Grease. That's crazy. Yeah, because Gre was like in the 70s, but it was about the 50s, right? I don't know. He was like an actual real life, like they just put Vaseline, I guess in their hair and wore like dirty shit and they were like, yeaheah, greaser. and they w and they fucking drove and they drove, what did they drive? I don't know, cars, old cars, and they would race them. I that was honestly I'm obsessed with this dude. I and now I kind of want to see Star Wars because I've never seen them. But honestly Star Wars is one of those things that, oh, that's what I was saying. God, yeah, well, yeah, I like grew up not liking Star Wars because all the people that liked it were mean. Like all those other things I named earlier in the episode. Like they're fans sucked, so I was like, I definitely cannot see myself getting into this. And so I never did, but now I'm well, as happy as I am being single. I save certain things for like just a case. I ever get in a relationship. I'm like Star Wars. I've never seen that. Like I saved certain things for like you know, like I wouldn't necessarily want to watch it by myself. I think I'd get geeked, though, now, now that I understand, like the kind of person that created Star Wars, I'm like, yo, dude, like he's the shit. Like, okay, first of all, okay, if I did the math, secondly, no, cause the first of all thing was like, he's a greaser. That's the coolest thing about George Lucas. Yeah. I mean, like I mean, like there was so many cool things. I had to take notes, I had to stop. I was like bending back pages, I was like, all this dude's the best. Okay. I was like,Yo, okay, whatever. Like, uh, oh, well, that was one of the last things I read. If I did the math right, this dude has like a 12 year old. He's older than my dad. My dad's pushing 80. I'm like, is he 80? He's like 80 with a 12 year old. That's incredible. That's I have so much respected admiration for that. Because it kind of proves my point that like if you're dude, you can just like keep on popping them out, popping them out. But he also like adopted kids, I think. Yeah, yeah. And he also like adopted kids. was at him? Yeah. Yo, I'm telling you there's so much practice into these little books. I'm like, okay, whatever, what else is cool. I don't know, he just seems he just seems like the dude just seems like the dude. I was likeYo. I I can't remember all the notes I took, but those those two things alone. I'm like, yeah, I earn my respect. I did write down a quote earlier that was like, what did he used to say? oh, do that again but better? I'm like, yeah, that sounds that sounds accurate. And then I liked the fact that like all his worlds within his worlds are like connected, so he'll leave Easter eggs within worlds of different Indiana Smith. He really liked the name Indiana because I guess he had a dog named Indiana, which was named after somebody else that was named Indiana. And I had no idea that Indiana Jones was like his brainchild or like close to it. I was like, whoa, this dudees are fucking legend, like a real like an actual, like this dude's a G for George Lucas. He's the best. I was like, yeah, dude. I could not put that book down. I was like sitting in cold bathtub water like, oh my God, this is such a pain turner. I gotta read about this dude until the very end of this book and I did. I would not put it down. I was like, George Lucas is the man, bro. like the man, I don't like like, yo, cool dude. I like that guy. I've never seen Star Wars. I have, I've seen like the beginning. It's like in the time, blah, fucking blah, blah, fucking talk. Yeah, and then I started writing my own movies, you know. It's not that any of them, you know, as whatever, you know, sometimes it's circumstance, sometimes sometimes I' just realize that I make excuses. Like I have no reason not to be as successful as any of these people that I'm reading about, because I'm finding personality traits about myself as I'm reading about them, like Albert Einstein Total Duis. He might have been like like functionally retarded. I'm pretty sure he was retarded, but also a genius. Like like, oh, okay, this is the coolest thing about Albert Einstein are we done inukas never, never. He's immortal, right? We'll see him at some point. He's so cool. He's so cool anyway. I was like, yeah, dude, this dude is cool. But there's that's the Alb Einstein, my man, okay, so like, slowly almost solely responsible for the invention of the Adamah. That's dope. On accident, though, because once he realized what had like once he realized that, okay, like, okay, I'm correct about this. For sure, I'm definitely correct about this, but like, yo okay, should we back up a little bit? First of all, he didn't say anything until he was like four. Didn't say anything, not a not a single word, his parents were like,o, something's wrong with him. Like even back in the day where it's like, uh don't know. Something's wrong with him. He's not saying anything. The doctors were like, he's perfectly fine.'s fine. And he didn't say anything his entire life until one day, apparently, he sat down to dinner with his parents and the soup was too hot, and that's what he said he's like the soup is too hot. Like, could you imagine, like having a kid that you're like 100% sure is retarded? Oops, nope, you can't say that. Okay, well, you could. Then so let's just shouldn't I just cancel you can't say that. Why, though? Like, okay, when I was growing up, you have to understand I come from a time where it was like you could just call that to somebody cause they were being dumb, but not dumb, right? But I mean like at a certain point, like, okay, technically Helen Keller was deaf dumb and blind, but like sometime and I'm assuming like between the 70s and 80s, it became a slang for like that's dumb. Like, don't do that because whatever you're doing is not right, which is like, okay if you're not right, then you're what? Retarded. Like, I'm sorry. I'm like some certain things are not going to be like, I'm, you know. I'm like early 2000s game or culture, that's gay, but I love gay. It's like nobody's being derogatory about that. I'm being derogatory about your behavior and I might even use it as like a positive you know what's what describing words or adjectives? I don't know. I'm going through. I'm going to processes realizing that like, okay, I'm at the age where certain information is gonna be offloaded. Certain like it's not coming back ever. Like, you like, I I know Spanish, but only if I have to speak it and it's not like, I'm not developing any other nothing else is like my brain is like, we don't need this, do we? I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I should hold on to that. No, no, we don't need this. I'm like, okay, well. there are certain things about me that are just not gonna change at this point. I'm not sorry, because honestly, weren't too offended at everything when, like, there're there are things that are offensive that nobody really is offended about. like, if you really found an offensive, it would not exist anymore, you know? Because when somebody becomes really passionate about something, and they change it. Which is why I'm taking my time. I like, youo, annihilation is imminent. Like this cannot be anymore. Like, you don't change my brain chemistry. Fuck that shit. my brain chemistry is perfect the way that it is. Like I'm almost sure that like the entire mental health industry will change based on ideals that are like blooming and other like in other what the fuck was I just saying exactly ideas that are already springing up in in small circles. like they'll, you know, be one day. Like that's just valid, like nothing's really wrong with you. something's wrong with the world. Like, why? Like, and what can we do to change that? It could be environmental completely. It could take somebody with like severe mental health issues, severe schizophrenia, severe bipolar disorder, severe fucking severe depression, severe anxiety and change their environmental factors or even just like change the fact that that like they're facing poverty, poverty is a mental illness and that's not what it's not looked at as such. It's looked at as a deficiency on the individual's part when it could be like and it could be a polethro of environmental factors. That'll change. It will in my lifetime. I know that it will. It may not be because of me because for the most part, I'm a pacifist. I really am. I'm a yoder, like, honestly, it has to be like visibly hurting someone else or hurting me painfully enough for me to be passionate about it to make it change. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not. I don't want I don't really want to be a leader, especially because like people are still like populating this planet. I don't necessarily I don't I don't wanna be like a a leader in anything because that is like that's too much power. Honestly, just let me play the music and then fuck off. And I will fuck off. Like if you think I talk too much or you find me annoying or you think I'm stupid like eventually I I disappear. That's it a self-reflective Go away, all right. I't have to be asked twice. I don't stay in places where I'm not welcome. So, New York it's been good. Are't not really. But somebody I thought okay, who else am I obsessed with? I love this new lady that I found. Her name is Gina something rather fucking amazing. I I love New York people because I love New York people. Like I really do. like it is well, it's hard to fucking there's a fucking oh, honestly, it could be simplified to this as like, okay, maybe this embraces like the new the New York feminine and what I really hate is the New York masculine, which is just toxic, just disgusting, like where I spinning on things, shut the fuck up, like, are you not self aware? Like it's it's certain level of and I'm not, I'm really not binary in the sense where it's like balanc, bro. like balance, like a little bit of everything is good and like half masculine, half feminine is like a good balance, non-binary embracing that. But like yo, dude, there's a certain rasculinity about the city that's the thing that makes it nasty. It was like, whoa. whoa. I'm like, that's nasty, but I was oh, okay, I'm in love with this person. Her name is like Gene or something rather. I'm still I still have like I no, I have no feet in the comedy pool cause like I realized I stopped performing comedy and I stopped writing it, and like all the like semi tragic possibility, like possibly hilarious situations that were happening to me when I was actively writing comedy just stopped. I was like good, I don't necessarily need to be in that right now. That's that has sailed and will probably later sink, but I don't want to be in there if like, okay, like you're funny, if like sad and bad shit happens to you all the time. I'm like, that's fucked up. I don't wanna be that guyc 50 years from now I could be that guy and like still not earn a penny more than I'm earning right now making music underground. So if it's if I had to choose between the two, I've already earned mastery in recording arts. 10,000 hours or more, like I don't necessarily like being a comic is like another ladder. It's another it's a thing. And honestly, when I stopped like, well, I mean, like I I took a break from tears of a clown because it became such a like passion project for me that I was like, oh, this is that I'm caring too much like I should stop. and still not finish and it's not it's not like, it never had a release date in mind, so it's not necessarily like what's it delayed? Yeah, it's not delayed, and it's not it's definitely not in hiatus, but like, I realized that I have a certain responsibility to my audience altogether. It like to do this show as well and so like this, there's been taking kind of a priority, knowing that like my hiatus has been longer than any other hiatus is, and that I owe it to like my homegrown audience and my weird coat following to like okay like I have to give you guys everything from fucking like November to now and just musically that's a lot but then I've also the writing has also accompanied it and so it would be a shame to just let that go entirely because I feel that like my actual, my actual fan base is here in this show, unfortunately, well, not unfortunately, because I've started to get like a sense of familiarity within the dance music scene, like, as a producer through this podcast as a medium, because when I started doing this podcast, like, it wasn't like people weren't generally like now people are doing like following my, what's it? format. Like people weren't really doing DJ mixes and like putting music on podcasts, like it just wasn't people weren't doing it. I was the only one doing it now everybody's doing it and it makes me want to do it less, but then also like I have to kind of show consistency with myself in order for me to feel like I'm still doing something. What was that rant about? I don't know. I'm obsessed with this lady name's Gina or something rather. She's super New York. What would she say? that I really liked? Oh, if you didn't know the rules before you got to New York, you you like if you came to New York and you're not having a good time, you probably didn't know the rules before you got here.rect. I didn't come here on purpose. This was my layover city. I came here by accident and I did not know the rules. Now I'm learning the rules and I'm like the rules are fucked up and rules are kind of meant to be broken if you're disturbing my peace, I will then disturb your peace. No, I will not. I do not believe an eye for an eye, and also I feel that you are dangerous people. I will then report you to the police and and make the proper documentation in order for it to stop. I'm a snitch. I don't give a fuck. Like if you're actually hurting me, like if you're changing my the way that I think and the way that I feel, like if you're making me sick inside of my own environment, like you deserve it. I'll give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give any kind of fuck. And then that way, I am a feminist, cause it's like, yo, dude, like how long are you gonna sit and take somebody hurting you before you actually realize that like you're not the problem they are and in order for their behavior to stop, you have to actually like you have to prevent this by stepping up for yourself. It's kind of like a show and like, okay, like like at a certain point it is kind of like a game. Like how long are you going to let me do this to you before you just fucking like get up and fucking hit me back? And I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't want to fight, but at the same time, like, bro, like I've been getting my ass whipped by these idiots and so I'm like, okay, I have to actually, but I'm still not a fighter. I have to do it in a way that makes sense and so that the community can be improved when I move on. Like I don't necessarily want to put somebody in the same place that I am now because I really am not I don't and just improve it. Like I believe so much in doing that, like not just leaving no trace, but like improving the place from which you are situated when you leave so that when the next person comes through, they don't have to struggle through the same hardship. So in that way, leadership, sure, be

[A beautiful dog enters the palace; C'esme't is pleased—actually, more thrilled.] Now! (Yo!) [The Dog sits at the entrance.] Call to me. [he speaks from the mind (telepathically) with a familiar tonal voice] Come, sweet stranger! [The Dog approaches] For it is I, the King who walks as not a ghost For yet the call has spoken that I be your loyal shadow (it's me; the King. I've been called to watch over you) Then? (Elaborate.) For now I came as waked dost I as ghost and wandered, pity and pardoned by no army dared Aghast my throne And agape my eyes, Wide my mouth and nostrils, Disemboweled and yet, I did wake with my fortune And tidings in my kingdom, a hidden realm, For there slayed, as I wept, The others dared to swallow, This truth, I, as knight and pawn doth slay the Queen, For titled King no friend of mine; And now, this beast as blood dost froth, My mind does waste, but here I bark Fortunate! To be laid by as you, I will. Then, creature, as you may! For free, this I, And coming not the time I shall l awaken, And then, though, Does the true challenge to bear, The altar; the stone, the shield and the rope From which I pull, and thee shall fight. Marriage of souls. To fancy this beast, betrayeth not. For something barks as is an end As a man does call a lover friend And so lover-friend I am and shall be. Lol what the fuck. So he's a dog now. ‍♀️ wtf is going on in this show. Idk. I'm baked. Enter The Multiverse L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny ‍♂️ Ascension: Enter the Multiverse The titles switched. Good idea. So maybe I should stick with t mobile? Idk. Mint mobile is 15 dollars a month for unlimited talk and text. HERE AND NOW I DECREE, THIS FEAST DOES NOURISH ALL OUR MINDS AND HEARTS TO FIGHT THE GOOD WAR AGAINST ALL HE WHO SQUANDER THE MERCY OF PEACE! TO COURAGE! lol you lost me. I'm grasping at strings here. I needs a means to an end I need a body bag, body bag I need a King and a dog And a cat and an owl And a mark and a dawn And a knife and a gun Call it what you want I was not at the rock But that's where I was going I'm lost in Omaha I was just on the dark With the dark and the walkers The king and the rabbit The facts and the stalkers But who sunk the boat? Who sunk the boat Now this is encouragement! Acknowledgements? Nothing yet. Disaster strikes obvious and No regrets But obvious I'm in it for the long run And it transpired for the job done But the waffles came out awful And crispier than I wanted Almost every time So I took the iron back to target And I know I came out with a double album in August But I got no promotions So I won't walk the carpet So I won't walk the carpet I know I know I'm no Joan Rivers Or Joan of ark so I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip Now, more followers Show boat, Throw him overboard into a rowboat With no paddles And horseshoes on em— That outta show ‘em Rondevouz Rob us all Noah's Ark Don't get so lost in the story Lost in the sory Lost in the LORNE MICHAELS …you caused this. [In a secret lab inside of 30 Rock, A group of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alumni are trapped inside a metal box; this room has no doors and no windows and seems to be amplifying thought frequencies each of them hears uniquely, but distinctly, and very, very loudly. This is due to the irrefutable fact that they are all gifted telepaths, due to having served time often looking into the lenses of live broadcast cameras. it is theorized that, because of this anomaly— a strange and untraceable signal seeming to intercept all of Rockefeller Plaza's Radio antennae transmissions, it may be an unknown extraterrestrial force attempting to comminicste with 30 Rock from space. On this day, they've been gathered and trapped here in an emergency focus group to attempt to remedy the problem. Haha. MAKE IT STOP. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THST, WHYYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHY!!! Craters full of lullabies and dictionary definitions; Tense intimate interactions, and now, this hypertension. I have a secret, a dirty little secret. I didn't do it! It wasn't me! Hmm..okay–vouch. I'm telling you–wait– vouch? Yeah, I vouch. You're vouching me? I'm vouching you. She's vouching me. She vouched you. So i'm good? You're good. I'm good. You're good. Ok. SETH MEYERS is the best secret keeper in the entirety of the known and unknown multiverse. The respective deities and entities within the outer realms have taken notice to this; One of the world's greatest eve played game has become the ritualistic endeavor of tracking down this human in order to attempt to overwhelm him so that he might eventually crack or implode, or even acknowledge these sometimes outrageous events and otherworldly happenings; thus far, he has not. As of recently, the elders of the darkest deities from the furthest outer realms and legions of Hell have been taking this game with the now very famous and successful seth meyers, a popular TV host; this has elevated the e ntirety of the threshold for Seth's tolerance, and it appears he may soon be pushed to crack. So why are you on the wire? I atrophied at extravagant Tip toed in the tip ties; Til' then, i went there, Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Pull the curtain back, Then you censor this Censor this! I pull the curtain back, then redact then redact don't react don't react It's an act it's an act Shit I pull the curtain back then I bow; It's a show now Pull the curtain back then I show, It's a showdown Listen up, Listen down I super blow my flow now, super bowl my pronouns You can't lose if you don't pick a team You can't win if you don't even play I can't pay you if I don't get a paycheck I can't work at it if it's not fame Oh no! I can't work at it if it's not fame. The isms is the synthesis; I only got one present for christmas When you [can] Take that spark and bury it in your heart, don't remark about it– Then, probably you're a comic Or an alcoholic, one of the two of them Wrong not to touch, then Willed you back into existence And still it's in exigence, and Guilty by association Guilty by association I just want to know what the current Tonight Show budget is for hair dye. Also wondering why JImmy's suit is grey, but his hair isn't? Is that a two in one? Honest to God my only question about this man. The rest can remain as mystery. Act V Part II Guilty By Association Sometimes I Stevie Wonder what you're up to; I can't see you but I know you're in my aura Sometimes I Richard Pryor while you're on my mind; I guess you could say you set my soul on fire My, my my Look what time it is I've only just begun to know you; Then I had to dieSo turn the light off My eye Turn the light off for awhile And follow me to darkness Follow me To the other side. It's not true, but it'll do I might have lost you somewhere Better off to leave you somewhere sure; If it's not pure And how could it be When only the light hits the snow And bounces off The warmth is an illusion, And your love is just a dream And anyway, anyway There's nothing i've ever been surer of Than the definite end, The enter and exit And when planets align, Only to fall completely out of orbit Now what was this for again Foreigner, object identified and destroyed it's destructive qualities, Tentative in a nature Sure, pressure– Resentment, Intense good moments of pleasure, Then signals sent Completely by accident. -Now that i've been thinking lately of Bill Murray And my formerly imaginary friend Riff Raff, Now i'm sure that There may be some telepathy involved Which means I should probably just– Go somewhere else now. Should I be sorry for my thoughts? I'd rather not, But still YO. Yo dude, what the fuck. I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS MOVIE FOR LIKE A YEAR. That's not that long… IT'S A LONG TIME TO BE IN A MOVIE. Please don't tear me to pieces; Don't blow the balloon up, No foul ball, No side eye No fowl play And dinner is as cold as it gets But dinner does warm In the aluminum foil, But all out of order, The border patrol is just Digging for details Digging for details. And it's this: You don't know what it is, Until you get into it, And it sets into you The only way it can When it's in you. Are you paying attention to this? Or can I just end it? Boston accents or what, And now i really think It's just inside my head It's just inside my head and This is getting weird. All of a sudden, I'm oh wonder and I love it And Sara Silverman has The prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen (on a celebrity) ((with whom I share a gender)) Aha. Okay, Sabrina Carpenter has a very pretty voice But that doesn't make me Any less jealous Or any less capable of explosion Disarm me I'm catching up on the specials I missed Being special I guess With no grocery subscription Aim low, Get high, I guess Rob Lowe, Build time, I guess I miss the old announcer, And the golden years I miss the former times And the mouse ears I learned my less I might got Kim K and TSwift Pointer Finger Could hold a tune to you, Who The joys of live theatre, And the catastrophe of the Impenetrable Boy oh boy is Television getting heavy Turn up the ridiculousness and Atrocious Atrocities and Acidophilus Anorexic, I wish i could digest this –and expand my vocabulary I wish I was better than I am So i could be Capable Can Kim Kardashian ever not just be Naturally beautiful at everything Doing everything Kim The J I can't sing in this apartment And it might actually kill me The devil lives next door on both sides I'm in a satan sandwich I guess I'm just Not free I must have fucked up last lifetime I must have fucked up last lifetime I might have looked just like her I want to get upstaged by Eddie Murphy More corpse suits! Pink lipstick! Slap the desk Check the camera Front loading! Front loading! I want a chance at humbling white america (just kidding) I want a wig that looks like an afro (cause I don't have one) I want Lorne Michaels to shame me into beng better By making me feel mediocre first So I hit the high bar When I hit the body bag I hit the body bag When I hit the high road With Letterman YOU STOLE MY BODY TO GO TO A BLACK TIE FUNCTION!? Yeah. Well–which one? Okay, you're gonna get a kick out of this. I'm giddy for physical comedy THIS IS MY MANIFEST DESTINY MY MANIFEST DESTINY AHHHHHHHH MY MANIFEST DESTINAAAAAAA Comedy comes in all forms And God comes in all Karma I brace myself for repeating my mantras I light candles But don't blow them out I just might get my wish DO NOT RESIST. I AM RESISTING THIS ARREST. Oh yeah. YES. Shoot him. NO, DON'T. SHOOT HIM, BILLY BOB, SHOOT ‘EM. Crocodile hunter turned hard-up cop Read him his rights! He ain't white enough. So she's perfect! Me? I've been taken in I can't stand to stamp I can't christmas, Backwards And backwash And sanford and sons And Whatever And… Ego might eat me like Eggos Like Hannibal Burress was holding At the market I left my Ego at the door But there's just no room for the both For the both of us I KNOW I'll just write her a hit show! What. YES. THEN, SHE'LL LEAVE SNL, AND THEN I'LL BE THE BLACK GIRL ON THE SHOW MWAAHAHAHAHAHA Ok. wtf happened to that girl? SUNNI BLU [kicking and screaming] I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING ON FA– —-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! So many beautiful people, or, rather The actors, Or should I say Vortex Then. Too many beautiful people I spent the whole night warm and holed up in the office What could come out of The Rock I don't know where to look I'm not used to the audience Duh, that. I'm a professional audience member But i don't remember the ending Anybody? Anybody? Any envy actor actress? BPM: Dosage Anxiety Remix Honestly fuck the comed circut I just want to know what it's like to have a body What's it like to have a body? I'm just a collective consciousness robot Adapting to my environment I can't sing in this apartment! I'm in a Satan Sandwich And would be The God in the middle If God didn't find this Absolutely hilarious So I'm on 24 hours; You're on Saturday Nights, But i'm on 24 I broke my Don't-look up-folks rule on Brittney Howard Cause I think i'm just like herBut more of a coward. You're on Saturday Night Live But i'm on 24 Hours It hurts longer And stronger Every moment I'm gone And still not a mom I wish I could change my eyes The color of the world Before it all ends Earth gone And oceans of mud No tide And no moon (The Earth without the Sun) I don't want to know you I don't want to owe you a lesson. I don't want to go there. I don't want no dance numbers. I don't want no GOATS here. No goats here. I don't get it, Mass Media– Is this flattery, or Deception? Humiliation? Based in perception, I see, so Is this recognition or Did I just send Dillon Francis my script in the beginning? No answer, by God. What an asshole What if Alienz Don't like lesbians. What is trance is just bad dance music. That's… What if edifice breaks for a daily regimen of Letterman? What if RUN, FALLON, RUN! I'M ATTACHED TO A KITE I HAVE NO CONTROL OF THIS. WELL, WHAT IS IT ATTACHED TO?! YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW! —NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Look, It's Meryl Streep! Holy shit, Meryl Streep is hot. What.(I can't keep secrets>) God doesn't keep good secrets. Just stop talking. Look, It's “My Bad Chad” Holyfuck Are you gonna have all those burned off too? Or can I do it for you? (might cost less) Jk Kim K That's a tough act to follow. Ariana? Nah, Backup; Had that. Meanwhile: Me in a hatchback Campin' at the Palisades. My name's the hammer –Adam ruins everything– I am not goin' starstruck –Adam Ruins Everything– My name's the Hammer (I'm a hammer, damn) –Adam Ruins Everything– I love showbiz But I got hard work comin on Now pause:: I need a break Need to make money Now i get a two for one Two for one Hate me or love me Either way, I'm gonna show up, Blow up, Glow up, And fuck off I'm a lost cause Cause I lost God On a talk show The way the camera moves makes me nauseous virtual reality And everybody's mad at me for Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy Conan “snowball” O'Brien But why's he called that. Shh! Not Yet. Oh, you are so overdone and fucked right now! Shh! My mom might be listening. Like she's never heard the word ‘fuck'? Shhhh! MOM I heard that! See! She said she heard it; she didn't say stop it. Well stop it. Fuck me man! SHH. KNOCK IT OFF. Yes Mrs. Mason Who the fuck is Mrs. Mason. Come on, white america; Put me on late night I promise you I'll watch more hallmark artists Than all of them Every day over here is a suit and tie function Camera one? YOU DONE FUCKED WITH US FOR THE LAST TIME. Ah shit. lol . whart is thrus. Fucking–magicians or something. Freemasons. F– Alright. Where is he? Where is who? You know who! What? Donaghey!!!!!!!! Lol Alec Baldin is like 200 years old. *cackles too hard, falls over and dies* Yikes. JACK DONAGHEY enters from a Parallel dimension and sees ALEC BALDWIN'S CORPSE. …Huh. Who's this handsome son of a bitch, I wonder. Don't wonder too hard. We gotta find that court order and get out of here. What court order [Cort hors d'oeuvres] what. I don't know. It almost kind of rhymed with corpse and wonder and I'm still stuck writing in cadences. What for! Oh wow, the neighbor was really a plant forreal. STOP SLAMMIN THAT Yo fuck this. Waht the fuck am I supposed to do with all this information. [appearing entirely out of nowhere, as always.] JIMMY FALLON I told you to burn it. OH MY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST. STOP DOING THAT. I can't. That's– Apparently what I do. WELL GET OUT OF HERE. Wish I could. Strapped to a kite. THEN HOW ARE YOU STANDING HERE? WHAT? I'm learning a lot of things up there! UP–WHERE! Up yours. WHAT. *poofs* UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I hate this. TINA FEY Fuckit, he hates himself. Lets just assume. No, that's it. That's the singularity. What. It can't– He's just so confi— That's the singularity. [everything ploofs back to normal] See. I win. FUCK. ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I'M YOUNG AGAIN. i”M YOUNG AGAIN. [The entire cast stares at their returned to period-accurately aged cast mate; He appears so confident and wise, however–just a glint of insecurity falls over him–this indeed was the singularity; rather than to risk all of time and space defrabicating for a third and albeit final time, they rain down on their castmate, with the angry hellfire of a gregorian mob, urging him to GO LOVE YOURSELF. Long Night at work, or just Shoo fly, don't bother me– I'm more caught up on the Rudolph Storyline, How it's some mystic But I missed it With the lip stick And the vintage this and thats Person Welcome to Hogwarts, Of course, It's your funeral God bless the illuminati All I see is– NOT IT. IT WASN'T ME. I DIDN'T DO IT. JLO BITCH, STOP TALKING. Woah, What the FUCK JLO. JLO WHAT IN THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY? I–wh– Wait… Fallon? SHHHHThhHHHTHhhTHHHH!! Give me one bet Died inside Who's doing which thing God bless these envies! Gie me one shot Now who am I?Ace in the hole? I died inside. Don't break the barrier Don't run the wall Don't be the villain Fall, JImmy, Fall. To float, or to fall Or to walk away To shop at the mall Or to bet it all on Fall on And I tell you to jump, you jump! And I tell you to move, You move! And I tell you to movie, You movie! And I show you the blue OH GOD. Gimmie the binoculars! No, you don't wanna see What! Why not! HE MOONED ME. I got three of a kind Three of a kind Three of hearts Two of diamonds HAH. I DOn'T LiKE THIS. Fuck off, The Ace. And very kindly, Go fuck yourself. Four aces, Four aces A mindfuck for the both of us An open book And shotglasses And fans of ours Its good to laugh At the ones you love Love Love Love Love It's showbiz, It's showbiz; I love it I want to die. I love it I love it I missed the bar I fucked up somewhere. Don't look back in anger, Or don't look back at al. Fall, Fall, Fall Fall Fall Love Love Love Love Love Love Did you notice I haven't looked back. I put you up on a– Up on a Up on a pedestal Then remembered To forget it all, In indifference Foraged your signature Sorry, I don't want a lot of hawk-a-loogie clock-the-woman knockdown, dragout drama I got a feel for it. What if all your forfeitures were fortunes All your donuts turned subordinates To astronauts Or fake dreams for fak streams and dreaming of Don't bother me I'm on poverty I want walks on the beach and blue bunny ice cream sundaes I've got a whole city Marked off in my journal For frozen custard and Lost in a thought, are we? Trust me, I think I died. Trust me, I trusted the God of Mercy Trust me I went all the way to the burden, Bought a hammock And then worked harder than nobody No dropped calls from mother No one's home at all Work harder I thought Sweater Weather was my new DJ name, But as it turns out, It was my telepathy ringing me I rode to the top of the rock with the beatlesI didn't mean for it to be me But i was twice out of body, Once out of mind. Now give me a minute Please. Let me become indifferent Don't need no friends, Long roads Roundhouse kicks to the face Hard rolling baggage Heart shaped boxes Or Prophets Don't need dozens of roses don't need diamonds Do need dinosaursDo need phone numbers do Do do . –but don't– don't don't. When i fall in line I write books and poems, songs And suffer, slugger . This is what I struggled with– who paid the neighbor bitch to feed me the whole special And slam doors On my mental That shit struck a chord And rubbed me the wrong way But i'm humble I won't touch nobody's Body at all. Nobody's. Now my dreams make sense, kind of But why are these my dreams And not actual people and most of all What does it mean? That I'm equal to? Or lesser than? Like the emerald stone on Sir Paul McCartney's hand, I went green for a moment It's just banter.I'm just having a hard time (I can't sing in this apartment)I might need a band I might need a bandaid. I might need a bath Some peroxide and hair dye My heart's broken I'm having a hard time But still not struggling I might have a hard time But not as hard as the afterparty was, And I struck gold. Kept walking Roll dice. Four of a kind, Four kings, four aces Four of a kind, Four kites, And a night owl The Rock and the Kite, Part V STEFON It's this thing where… {Enter The Multiverse} –and that's why I wished my mom a happy birthday. [The Festival Project ™ ] Damn, the illuminati really showed out for the oscars this year. CONAN SHHHH. He even says “I Am” Then commands the stage Look at all those long legs Now we're on enclave or conclave? I don't know. I'm feeling more ravey. Tears of a Clown Nobody to save me Not even shug avery. Who? That's right? Now i'm feeling more Broadway, baby. L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny I wanna see the snake sitting next to you; Show me those eyes I love models and the lack thereof Inside of them I want to see the feral reptile Show me those eyesI love that she flies through life Right to you Right It's a boys club Boy they Really prize these Chappel Roans and Timothee Chalemet But where am I at? –Adam Ruins Everything– A couple forced fake laughs Cause I like highlights Stagecrafts Craftservices And god knows I can't write like this And I'm About To die [CONAN O'BRIEN leaves television to run a Bed and Breakfast in ORLANDO.] INT. BED AND BREAKFAST. ORLANDO. … [Calamity ensues] Conan killed the oscars, Stole the wand, The show and the bowtie (hostses with the mostest) –and that's why he's Snowball. No, i'm sure it's because my fur is fluffy and– Okay no more outdated rick and morty references Fine. Was that Dillon Francis behind Ben Stiller Or do I still just like white guys That much. Why do A-Listers like reptiles so much? Show me those eyes, you know I could use a good lunch (Birds of Prey eat snakes) {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™ Episode Transcript: Yeah. Okay, this is terrifying. I haven't actually done this in it feels like way longer than it's been. In reality, it's only been like three like maybe three days, but it makes all the difference in the world. Hi. what's going on, I was just reminiscing about kitten mittens. Aw shit. I dropped my pen. If you remember if you're listening to this right now and you remember kittenman. congratulations, you've been with me since the beginning. um anyway, I don't know why I was just remembering that. kitten mittens. I thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. I really I might have been delirious. losing my mind at a certain point, but I thought kittens was the best thing in the world. It was at the time. I was like I couldn't think of anything better. Then again, I was uh I don't know, I was discovering many hilarities. excuse the idiots in the back, they are idiots. um and they and they do this based on whatever I'm doing in my apartment. I'm their god. Anyway. I'm excused the background noise is still gonna be a a little bit uh while we're dealing with that, but at least you can help me collectively consciously remove them from existence entirely, um with the help of you know a collective existence we can get rid of evil. I don't I don't entirely. I'm not sure. I think that it would take a lot of people to understand that like a lot of it is just a game. I think it would take raising the entire consciousness of like people as a whole for them to understand that like, most of it is for entertainment and based off perceptions. So, like, whatever you' idea for the world is, like it was your idea. Whatever's making you upset is it was your idea. So I'm kind of coming to like terms with that in my own, like sense. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, whatever is happening, I'm like a certain like at the surface level is wrong, but like on a grander scale, like I programmed this into my reality for whatever purpose in order to better suit my, like ideal reality. That's, you know, that's that's it. I can't attribute it to anything else. They're idiots, cause I'm idiots. Anyway, what else is going on? I don't know, I was I'm gonna try and do this off book. I think I do have like I have some notes, but like I don't like the way that it feels when I'm going off of my notebook because it feels like robotic. It feels really, you know, like and not necessarily rehearsed, but it's it feels planned and when I listen back to the episodes where I do go off of like notes or something like that, I don't like the way that it sounds. Hearing myself back, going from a going going from like a script. And so I try to keep it like 100% improvisational and it keeps it fresh. and honestly, honesty goodness, I haven't been on the Peloton for like more than 15 minutes at a time since I stopped doing these episodes. I don't know what it is about the sound of my own voice, but maybe it's the fact that like, I'm in performance mode and I'm giving you guys like I'm in, you know, I'm like in my radio voice and then I'm watching back like a performance of myself in order to like, I don't know. It's like it's like experiencing myself for the first time secondhandedly because I'm not necessarily not thinking about what I'm saying, but I'm also not thinking about what what I'm saying or how I'm saying it as I'm saying it. And then, you know, sometimes I just really like even on my hardest days, sometimes I make myself laugh the very most, and I'm like, okay, there's another reason to keep doing it. Because for the most part, I'm like I don't wanna do this anymore, it costs me too much money and it's not. Like, I'm not a clut person. I'm just not a clout guy. I don't like doing stuff for clout, cause clout doesn't pay the bills and clout doesn't clout doesn't necessarily get you jobs, like unless it's like the right person's clout. Like, you get have clout from a million people, and if none of those million people are the well, a million is kind of where they drive line. Like if a million people are like, yeah, this is the shit, then it might get you a job. But like a million is probably the minimum number for that. Like if you don't have a million followers or you don't have a million views or you don't have a million of anything of just like clout like it doesn't pay bills. So I'm not a cloud person. I'm not just gonna do whatever off clout. What did I get off that on that clot rat for? I don't know, what was I saying? Oh, I'm going off book. I'm off. script. Anyway. what can I remember from things that I wrote down?, I don't know. I've been reading a lot. I've been, you know, doing doing the best that I can. I've been well, I've been reading. I've been reading children's books specifically because I'm finding information. Well, first of all, I picked up these children's books with the hope that I would be the owner of a small library and I'm not. I'm actually putting a lot of the books back into like society, which is fine. I'm just downsizing. It's actually helping me feel a lot better. Like my head is a lot clearer, my studio. My studio for for the first time in a long time was like a place that I can that I feel like I want to work. and it was the weirdest thing because I went through like a year of just like collecting whatever book I saw, like whether it was just like on a stoop, like I, you know, for whatever or out of the little free library or like just wherever, because books are everywhere in New York and that's probably my favorite thing hands down about New York is that like wherever you go there are books and they're free and you can pick them up. But I'm also very sensitive to energy, so as like an energy worker and a transmuter, it became congested to the point where it's like, okay, there is like a certain type of energy that's not that's foreign to me and as much cleansing and as much like, you know, whatever, as much, you know, in any kind of, you know, like spiritual work I was doing, there's an energy here that I'm not necessarily comfortable with. And I realized every time I picked up a book, I fell into like a certain type of world, you know, and it wasn't just like whether the book caught my attention from just like the cover or whatever, and then I decided to flip through it or whether it was like a book that I was stuck in, I was falling until like a certain energy or a certain world and that every book had a certain energy to it. And so I realized after a year of collecting hundreds of books that I had literally hundreds of energies, like floating through my space and it became like hectic and it became heavy to the point where I was like, like, I don't necessarily want to hold on to all these things. and so it's it's been really rejuvenating. I've been going through a time of just like not necessarily like I know I have a lot of stuff to do. but one of the stuff to do is is like going through all of the things that I know that I need to like let go of in order to feel better. And it has been helping me feel better. It has for the most part, I'm still doing a lot with like my energy recovery and the noise here has a lot to do with it. I'm now like I now have anxiety to the point where I have like a consistent nauseum. like every time I hear like any kind of motor, like I get sick and now it's it's actually getting worse the longer that I've stayed here with the noise, it's like I now have like an upset stomach all the time, headaches twitches. It's the it's the most fucked up thing ever. and I've also been learning more about because I'm, you know, still still really focused in my music and so frequencies and, you know, like I've always been like a huge believer and like layered frequencies for healing, like sound healing, beta thick alpha, and and the whatnot, but I finally caught onto a piece of information that made me realize how the noise outside has affected my brain chemistry and not just in the way that it's like it's annoying or it's a nuisance or it's harassment, which it is all of those things, according to the law, but in a sense of what's happening to my brain chemically, like the chemical changes that are happening in my brain, or the frequency changes that are happening in my brain are actually the things that are making me more upset than loss of sleep, or, you know, like a disruption or disorganization of my mind or my daily habits. The thing that's making me the most upset is what I'm realizing is it's changing my frequency, and I'm not talking about just my my aura I well, I am in a sense, but like the frequency, the frequency differences that that your brain your brain goes into different frequencies during, you know, waking state, alha state, better state, you know, and when you're sleeping, you're in um I well, it depends on the person actually, and it depends on the type of sleep that you're getting. Like most people sleep and like a data state from what I'm understanding and this is the state of like conscious dreaming. And this is this, I could be incorrect because honestly, I layer them anyway. And I finally I finally did it. I I did. I' I was working on a song and I realized that I achieved like perfect theta without actually even meaning to. And I think I did another one and that was like in perfect gamma without even like it was just mixed perfectly. that it I was also listening to like a gamatone and then I realized I was like, wait, is that the song or is it the tone? Because, you know, if the if the frequency that you're listening to is pure enough, it will actually distort the bass or the, you know, it will distort the entire sound of whatever you're listening to. So sometimes things can sound warped or like they're waving or like they're going through something because those tones are kind of like they're they're moving against each other or with each other just kind of depends. And so what what has been, well, I wanted to finish, well, yeah, I think I have at least one song now that's in theta, and I have at least one song that's in gamma, completely. and and I and I shocked myself because I was listening to the tones and I was like, wait, the wait a second. like, I'm feeling like double here. Is this this song that I'm listening to, that I'm checking back the mix, or is this the the frequencies? And I I turned off all the frequencies and sure enough, it was the song. It was like a pure I was like, wow. I'm like that's an achievement. I did it completely by accident and I wish I knew the formula that I used to do that.c some people are so mathematic about it. Like some people are so uh like, you know, some people do this to their music. A lot of people, especially inass music, that's why it is the way that it is, is you're going to a show to get these frequencies like zapped into your body at at full forces. and some people know how to do it on purpose. I did it on accident, so I'm like, if I can continue to achieve at this but I'm trying to figure out like the mathematical equation or like the actual sonic equation for making this happen, like every time, because going through my history ofass music, I will finish in a second, going through my history of bass music, I have always gravitated to the to these frequencies, to the frequencies that make me feel better after a certain amount of time listening to them or a certain amount of time being in in that frequency. So that's this is the music that has, I guess subconsciously kind of for the kind of artist that I am. But this is the reason why I'm upset about the noise. like the most upset about it, like not even on a legal level, on a social level, on a moral level, like, no, this is actually morally wrong, it is morally wrong on so many fucking levels. I'm like, why are you so like, why obviously I did this on purpose, like in my God complex, I'm like, oh, well, I can better the community as long as I make a point, like that environmentally, this is damaging people. It's giving people mental illness, that it or like if they're predisposed to mental illness, it's even worse, but it's it's also like causing mental illness and people that are otherwise healthy people, which is not a lot of people in New York City given. It's just not. It's not a healthy place. A lot of people are not healthy. But even in like moderately healthy humans, this noise disruption can cause like brain changes and chemistry changes, and this is the reason why I'm so upset is because when you are sleeping, if you are sleeping, your brain is in a certain level that is like in a healing state. In the first few minutes that you wake up, as I understand it. In the first few minutes after you wake up, your brain is in a state that it can like that you can manipulate your entire environment, that you can change things, that you can heal yourself. And so when I'm waking up in the first few minutes in the very first thing that I hear is a motorcycle that's ripping through my fucking brain, it's changing my brain frequency from a frequency that is like at the at the at a human level or at any kind of level, kind of the the thing that makes every human capable of being a genius, not the genius level able to heal yourself and the frequency that you're able to heal yourself is what you automatically wake up in. So when you' when this frequency is interrupted, it's intercepted in immediately into a negative thought pattern. And so you immediately, so what's happening, what's been happening to me over the last year with the motorcycle nuisance harassment problem or whatever the fuck I don't care what it's called on paper. I just want it to stop like I just want to live in peace. It's not like and kind of having like coming from a a background where I kind of tend to have like take responsibility for myself, like oh, it must be something that I'm doing and yes, I also have like a higher god complex or like an ego if you want to call it, that's like, oh no, I must have done this on purpose. And you know, like in order for the greater good, like in order to fulfill my purpose in some sort of way, it must be it must be part of my process to have this. That's also my ego like I'm a god. like, you know, that's just me, that's the generation. That's the generation that I come from. That's our mindset. Like nothing happens in this world without me in it, period. That's why rappers are rappers and that's why that's why models are models. We all have egos and it's really hard to kill the bitch. I've had at least ten ego dusts throughout my fucking like existence and it still comes back. It doesn't matter. You can have an ego death and be like a completely ego list for like what, six months tops? Eventually you're gonna have like the ego is is is imp important to survival, because I lost the word. I think implemental what was I gonna use? I was definitely a for syllable word. Either way, it is you need it. Like if you if you oh, you know, people might describe people, like being in like a in a sense of humility as like, oh, just completely without ego, but like at the end of the day, like, no, like your ego allows you to actually like compensate with the rest of the world, like, most people do not have no ego entirely, or at least for like, like a week after your acid tri or whatever, yeah, like, oh, had ego death and I completely. But like within I swear to God, like within six months time, like your ego has at least minimally like repaired itself. That's what an ego does, that's why you have it. You have it. It's a survival. It's it's a part of your consciousness that has to do with survival if you don't have your ego, like you're pretty much dead in the world, especially the way it is now. Anyway, this is that that's going to probably close up my spiel on that. Yeah, I'm upset because instead of like the first few moments of my waking moments being a healing, time, it is immediately going into disarray and chaos and anxiety. And so in in so I'm losing like, I don't I don't really care about oh, I mean, like I care about life in a sense, but I mean, like, and it in a mortal sense. I like, yes, it's taking years off of me. and I feel it like in the way that it's like, I I am slower to do regular things or like, whatever my rising thoughts, might be are completely just destroyed by this like what I've what I've come to perceive is like an evil force. It is evil in so many levels again this breaks down from like a higher consciousness to like a lower state of consciousness. The lower state of consciousness is saying that like these people are just idiots. They're idiots and they are not self aware of the fucking like pollution that they're doing on kind of middle sense, I'm like, oh, it's politics, it's like gentrification if these guys run around in circles, then people call up the fucking place, the place gets fucking more allocated funds to their fucking police officers, the police officers have fucking filling their quotas. It's all bureaucracy and paperwork and politics on that middle level and on the highest level it is like no, this is evil, it's pure evil because people are so grossed out by the fact that fucking New York is New York and also the wage and income and quality factor is that this guy is doing whatever the fuck he has to do brown. He's doing well, not that guy. that guy's that guy's a weak dick motherfucker. He has a small dick and everybody in the neighborhood knows it. He drives around and circle making people miserable. He also I'm it's the same dude. that same dude followed me to the Trader Joe's. It's the same dude, so I'm like, I like I know the sound of his bike from anything, so I definitely know when I'm at the Trader Joe's and then he's like all of a sudden traffic like, I'm like yo dude like why the fuck you following me to Trader Joe's like I live four miles away, which is not that far on the fucking motorcycle, but I came all the way over here on the subway for you to follow me on your bike. week, dick, bro.way, like, fuck this, fuck this, fuck that guy, fuck this neighborhood, fuck this place, fuck these politics, fuck these people. On a low frequency. Like on a low frequency, I'm like, fuck all this, like on a high frequency, I'm like, there's a purpose or whatever, it'll work, is temporary, blah, blah, blah. What the fuck was I saying? I don't know. I what the fuck was I ranting? I don't know. I that's that shiel, right? Trader Joe, hello Trader Joe. It's not safe. No, but you know, oh man, let's you say I, whatever. Let's just say oh, whatever. a lot. What else do we got? I don't know. I put on an album that came out today, yay, it's called all the rage. Actually, all that all that gripe about like, oh, it's an EP when I'm sure that the stores are gonna call it an album. I was like, I'm sure it's gonna be an album, so I just started calling it an album. like the release comes out and they're like, it's an EP, you congratulations. So I I thought I was putting out an album, that I was an EP, but it just missed the cutoff her album, because technically you can have a six track album and if it's over 30 minutes. If and you can have a six track album that's an EP like this, all the range is technically an EP at least according to Spotify's standards. And it's, I think it's like two and a half minutes under I think it's like 2 and a half minutes under, so it's an EP, but it's six tracks and I'm really excited about it. I kind of put a little bit more promotion into it than usual. I even had some press done, and that's great. because you can get pressed done. They're like,Yo, for $500. You'll be famous tomorrow. I'm like, that fucked up. That's a paycheck for some people. and that's not famous. also. They're charging people to be like spectacular. Well, they're charging they're like charging for people to be like popular, which is I think it's wrong, like ethically, you shouldn't be able to do that, like, oh, no, you're gonna get on all the playlists and whatever, you're gonna have like all like you should not be able to sell followers, like whether they're real people, which is slavery or they're robots, which is also slavery. Like you should not be able to sell fame that's making it like now I don't even trust like, okay, like this person got an award, but like, okay, because because the album was popular, because it was better than all the other ones. Or like, how do you know that you even heard all the albums because there are so many, and that like, okay, this person who put like zero dollars into promotion, how do you know that album wasn't better? because you didn't hear it? Because the person with a million dollar ad campaign won the fucking won the fucking award? Because you heard it because they put a million dollars into the fucking promotions. So it makes it makes everything the fact that everything is on a level system that's based on money is completely unfair. Like the all the industries are broken, it's not just music. Like, it's not just music. I'm like, holy shit, like you could spend like a year, an average year salary, which is what's the median income now. even with like no adjustment for inflation, like what, $50,000? Okay. So you could spend $50,000 on your your career so you'd have to you'd have to do that. That's even you're still competing with people who have a million dollars for doing nothing. That's insane. Anyway, I'm not bitter. What the fuck did I do earlier that I wasn't that literally the spirit that was like, don't be salty. I was like, oh, I was like,Yo, stop teaching models to fucking DJ, because I I happened on this girl that was like, yo, like I actually liked some of her music. I liked some of her music, but she wasn't doing much. And like everything was just fake. It was like super duper fake, but she was mad gorgeous and like more of these girls are popping up out of nowhere that are like not they're like models that are barely touching the decks and they're like a march. I'm like yo, dude, if that girl made this music like okay, maybe I should see her, but like, I'm like no somebody goes produce this because like she's moving badly in time to it and I realized something about being a producer is like yo if you spent enough time actually crafting this like this piece, you're not gonna move like badly to it like you're not going to move weird to music that you made because it's in you like it came from in your body. So like, I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at and I'm like, oh, I'm looking at propaganda. But then like, isn't that just kind of like discouraging people who don't have that type of body type or mindset, but it was funny because the algorithm was like don't be salty. It was like DJing is for everybody and if that's your passion and I'm like yeah, if that's your passion, but like, yo, when what where is the line between like propaganda and passion? Like, oh, I'm already a successful like, multimillionaire fashion model, but like I'm gonna be a DJ, like it washes out all the people who have actually like put in the work. It washes out all the people who have actually put in the work. Don't be salty. I was like fine, fine, but only because I like that algorithm. Only because I like that algorithm. I'm like fine, okay, we'll we'll be whatever. Whatever I've been reading. Oh, I read a book, let's see, let's see if I can remember the ones I already put back. I've been reading these uh this like children's book series on like famous people because I realized that they're written for children and I'm like, yo, dude, like somebody could read this whole series in the second grade and be smarter than me because I didn't know anything about the people that I'm reading about at all. And so they're like these little biographies. Well, I mean, they they're on a child's level. I don't know how long it would take a child to read, but they take me like an hour, hour and a half to read just like at a normal speed. And I read really fast. But I think the reason why from taking me so long to read them is because I actually take like a lot of I take a lot of like, I don't know, words or art to me, so if something is like especially musical, I might take it and be like that's a good song title. Like, if I think enough about this and what I know about this, like what kind of song is it? And, you know, just like little fun facts. Like first of all, I'm obsessed with George Lucas. I've never been a huge Star Wars person, just and I I realizing this. I've never been being on like Star Wars wicked. like, I've never been being on things that are like really, really big, but then I did grow up and kind of like a sheltered shut community where like most of the people like twilight, I wasn't hungerames, aylys Cyrus, well Hannah Montana at the time, okay? I just wasn't into those things, but most mostly because they're fans, actually, she just put out something that I kind of piqued my interest. It was in my fucking sl side bar. I was like, oh, no, what's this? I'm I might check it out. But I've been staying off the mainstream just cause I'm realizing like the reason that I'm seeing this is money and doesn't necessarily make it better or worse than anybody else. Because sometimes mainstream artists come out with crap and I think they do it on purpose, they're like,Yo, watch this. I can do whatever because so many millions of people love me, watch this. I'm like, damn. And then millions of people are like, yay, yes, yes, this. I'm like, the fuck? What did you do? And I'm pretty sure the mainstream artist is like consciously, even collectively like, you see what I'm saying? I can do whatever the fuck.c I did one thing cool, maybe like five things cool, like a long time ago, and literally don't have to do anything else. I just do this just to prove a poil. Like, I can shit on a track, literally. And millions of people will be like, I love you. I love you, please more of those. do it again. I'm like, oh, God, please, no. What the fuck? Millions of fans. Like once you have your fucking fan based unlock, like that's it. Like, you don't have to fucking people will be like, literally kissing at all of the ground that you touch for the rest of forever forever. That's it. I'm realizing that about fantom, so I'm like, yo, if you know what kitten mittens are. I'd still don't, but if you if you know kitten mittens, congrats, you're one of 12 people who actually like me. one of 12. I'm like 12 is enough. That's what Jesus had, right? might as well and Jesus technically have like 11 I don't know why I like that guy so much. I'm pretty much obsessed with him, too. I love Jesus. I'm like, Jesus is the god kind of I mean, like he's technically like three gods. anyway, why am I obsessed with uh George Lucas? First of all, he's one of the coolest people ever, Kate, like, okay, first he was a greaser, like a real greaser. like from the movie Grease, but like the actual thing before the movie Grease, cause if I if I'm not mistaken, he was like a greaser before they made Grease. That's crazy. Yeah, because Gre was like in the 70s, but it was about the 50s, right? I don't know. He was like an actual real life, like they just put Vaseline, I guess in their hair and wore like dirty shit and they were like, yeaheah, greaser. and they w and they fucking drove and they drove, what did they drive? I don't know, cars, old cars, and they would race them. I that was honestly I'm obsessed with this dude. I and now I kind of want to see Star Wars because I've never seen them. But honestly Star Wars is one of those things that, oh, that's what I was saying. God, yeah, well, yeah, I like grew up not liking Star Wars because all the people that liked it were mean. Like all those other things I named earlier in the episode. Like they're fans sucked, so I was like, I definitely cannot see myself getting into this. And so I never did, but now I'm well, as happy as I am being single. I save certain things for like just a case. I ever get in a relationship. I'm like Star Wars. I've never seen that. Like I saved certain things for like you know, like I wouldn't necessarily want to watch it by myself. I think I'd get geeked, though, now, now that I understand, like the kind of person that created Star Wars, I'm like, yo, dude, like he's the shit. Like, okay, first of all, okay, if I did the math, secondly, no, cause the first of all thing was like, he's a greaser. That's the coolest thing about George Lucas. Yeah. I mean, like I mean, like there was so many cool things. I had to take notes, I had to stop. I was like bending back pages, I was like, all this dude's the best. Okay. I was like,Yo, okay, whatever. Like, uh, oh, well, that was one of the last things I read. If I did the math right, this dude has like a 12 year old. He's older than my dad. My dad's pushing 80. I'm like, is he 80? He's like 80 with a 12 year old. That's incredible. That's I have so much respected admiration for that. Because it kind of proves my point that like if you're dude, you can just like keep on popping them out, popping them out. But he also like adopted kids, I think. Yeah, yeah. And he also like adopted kids. was at him? Yeah. Yo, I'm telling you there's so much practice into these little books. I'm like, okay, whatever, what else is cool. I don't know, he just seems he just seems like the dude just seems like the dude. I was likeYo. I I can't remember all the notes I took, but those those two things alone. I'm like, yeah, I earn my respect. I did write down a quote earlier that was like, what did he used to say? oh, do that again but better? I'm like, yeah, that sounds that sounds accurate. And then I liked the fact that like all his worlds within his worlds are like connected, so he'll leave Easter eggs within worlds of different Indiana Smith. He really liked the name Indiana because I guess he had a dog named Indiana, which was named after somebody else that was named Indiana. And I had no idea that Indiana Jones was like his brainchild or like close to it. I was like, whoa, this dudees are fucking legend, like a real like an actual, like this dude's a G for George Lucas. He's the best. I was like, yeah, dude. I could not put that book down. I was like sitting in cold bathtub water like, oh my God, this is such a pain turner. I gotta read about this dude until the very end of this book and I did. I would not put it down. I was like, George Lucas is the man, bro. like the man, I don't like like, yo, cool dude. I like that guy. I've never seen Star Wars. I have, I've seen like the beginning. It's like in the time, blah, fucking blah, blah, fucking talk. Yeah, and then I started writing my own movies, you know. It's not that any of them, you know, as whatever, you know, sometimes it's circumstance, sometimes sometimes I' just realize that I make excuses. Like I have no reason not to be as successful as any of these people that I'm reading about, because I'm finding personality traits about myself as I'm reading about them, like Albert Einstein Total Duis. He might have been like like functionally retarded. I'm pretty sure he was retarded, but also a genius. Like like, oh, okay, this is the coolest thing about Albert Einstein are we done inukas never, never. He's immortal, right? We'll see him at some point. He's so cool. He's so cool anyway. I was like, yeah, dude, this dude is cool. But there's that's the Alb Einstein, my man, okay, so like, slowly almost solely responsible for the invention of the Adamah. That's dope. On accident, though, because once he realized what had like once he realized that, okay, like, okay, I'm correct about this. For sure, I'm definitely correct about this, but like, yo okay, should we back up a little bit? First of all, he didn't say anything until he was like four. Didn't say anything, not a not a single word, his parents were like,o, something's wrong with him. Like even back in the day where it's like, uh don't know. Something's wrong with him. He's not saying anything. The doctors were like, he's perfectly fine.'s fine. And he didn't say anything his entire life until one day, apparently, he sat down to dinner with his parents and the soup was too hot, and that's what he said he's like the soup is too hot. Like, could you imagine, like having a kid that you're like 100% sure is retarded? Oops, nope, you can't say that. Okay, well, you could. Then so let's just shouldn't I just cancel you can't say that. Why, though? Like, okay, when I was growing up, you have to understand I come from a time where it was like you could just call that to somebody cause they were being dumb, but not dumb, right? But I mean like at a certain point, like, okay, technically Helen Keller was deaf dumb and blind, but like sometime and I'm assuming like between the 70s and 80s, it became a slang for like that's dumb. Like, don't do that because whatever you're doing is not right, which is like, okay if you're not right, then you're what? Retarded. Like, I'm sorry. I'm like some certain things are not going to be like, I'm, you know. I'm like early 2000s game or culture, that's gay, but I love gay. It's like nobody's being derogatory about that. I'm being derogatory about your behavior and I might even use it as like a positive you know what's what describing words or adjectives? I don't know. I'm going through. I'm going to processes realizing that like, okay, I'm at the age where certain information is gonna be offloaded. Certain like it's not coming back ever. Like, you like, I I know Spanish, but only if I have to speak it and it's not like, I'm not developing any other nothing else is like my brain is like, we don't need this, do we? I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I should hold on to that. No, no, we don't need this. I'm like, okay, well. there are certain things about me that are just not gonna change at this point. I'm not sorry, because honestly, weren't too offended at everything when, like, there're there are things that are offensive that nobody really is offended about. like, if you really found an offensive, it would not exist anymore, you know? Because when somebody becomes really passionate about something, and they change it. Which is why I'm taking my time. I like, youo, annihilation is imminent. Like this cannot be anymore. Like, you don't change my brain chemistry. Fuck that shit. my brain chemistry is perfect the way that it is. Like I'm almost sure that like the entire mental health industry will change based on ideals that are like blooming and other like in other what the fuck was I just saying exactly ideas that are already springing up in in small circles. like they'll, you know, be one day. Like that's just valid, like nothing's really wrong with you. something's wrong with the world. Like, why? Like, and what can we do to change that? It could be environmental completely. It could take somebody with like severe mental health issues, severe schizophrenia, severe bipolar disorder, severe fucking severe depression, severe anxiety and change their environmental factors or even just like change the fact that that like they're facing poverty, poverty is a mental illness and that's not what it's not looked at as such. It's looked at as a deficiency on the individual's part when it could be like and it could be a polethro of environmental factors. That'll change. It will in my lifetime. I know that it will. It may not be because of me because for the most part, I'm a pacifist. I really am. I'm a yoder, like, honestly, it has to be like visibly hurting someone else or hurting me painfully enough for me to be passionate about it to make it change. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not. I don't want I don't really want to be a leader, especially because like people are still like populating this planet. I don't necessarily I don't I don't wanna be like a a leader in anything because that is like that's too much power. Honestly, just let me play the music and then fuck off. And I will fuck off. Like if you think I talk too much or you find me annoying or you think I'm stupid like eventually I I disappear. That's it a self-reflective Go away, all right. I't have to be asked twice. I don't stay in places where I'm not welcome. So, New York it's been good. Are't not really. But somebody I thought okay, who else am I obsessed with? I love this new lady that I found. Her name is Gina something rather fucking amazing. I I love New York people because I love New York people. Like I really do. like it is well, it's hard to fucking there's a fucking oh, honestly, it could be simplified to this as like, okay, maybe this embraces like the new the New York feminine and what I really hate is the New York masculine, which is just toxic, just disgusting, like where I spinning on things, shut the fuck up, like, are you not self aware? Like it's it's certain level of and I'm not, I'm really not binary in the sense where it's like balanc, bro. like balance, like a little bit of everything is good and like half masculine, half feminine is like a good balance, non-binary embracing that. But like yo, dude, there's a certain rasculinity about the city that's the thing that makes it nasty. It was like, whoa. whoa. I'm like, that's nasty, but I was oh, okay, I'm in love with this person. Her name is like Gene or something rather. I'm still I still have like I no, I have no feet in the comedy pool cause like I realized I stopped performing comedy and I stopped writing it, and like all the like semi tragic possibility, like possibly hilarious situations that were happening to me when I was actively writing comedy just stopped. I was like good, I don't necessarily need to be in that right now. That's that has sailed and will probably later sink, but I don't want to be in there if like, okay, like you're funny, if like sad and bad shit happens to you all the time. I'm like, that's fucked up. I don't wanna be that guyc 50 years from now I could be that guy and like still not earn a penny more than I'm earning right now making music underground. So if it's if I had to choose between the two, I've already earned mastery in recording arts. 10,000 hours or more, like I don't necessarily like being a comic is like another ladder. It's another it's a thing. And honestly, when I stopped like, well, I mean, like I I took a break from tears of a clown because it became such a like passion project for me that I was like, oh, this is that I'm caring too much like I should stop. and still not finish and it's not it's not like, it never had a release date in mind, so it's not necessarily like what's it delayed? Yeah, it's not delayed, and it's not it's definitely not in hiatus, but like, I realized that I have a certain responsibility to my audience altogether. It like to do this show as well and so like this, there's been taking kind of a priority, knowing that like my hiatus has been longer than any other hiatus is, and that I owe it to like my homegrown audience and my weird coat following to like okay like I have to give you guys everything from fucking like November to now and just musically that's a lot but then I've also the writing has also accompanied it and so it would be a shame to just let that go entirely because I feel that like my actual, my actual fan base is here in this show, unfortunately, well, not unfortunately, because I've started to get like a sense of familiarity within the dance music scene, like, as a producer through this podcast as a medium, because when I started doing this podcast, like, it wasn't like people weren't generally like now people are doing like following my, what's it? format. Like people weren't really doing DJ mixes and like putting music on podcasts, like it just wasn't people weren't doing it. I was the only one doing it now everybody's doing it and it makes me want to do it less, but then also like I have to kind of show consistency with myself in order for me to feel like I'm still doing something. What was that rant about? I don't know. I'm obsessed with this lady name's Gina or something rather. She's super New York. What would she say? that I really liked? Oh, if you didn't know the rules before you got to New York, you you like if you came to New York and you're not having a good time, you probably didn't know the rules before you got here.rect. I didn't come here on purpose. This was my layover city. I came here by accident and I did not know the rules. Now I'm learning the rules and I'm like the rules are fucked up and rules are kind of meant to be broken if you're disturbing my peace, I will then disturb your peace. No, I will not. I do not believe an eye for an eye, and also I feel that you are dangerous people. I will then report you to the police and and make the proper documentation in order for it to stop. I'm a snitch. I don't give a fuck. Like if you're actually hurting me, like if you're changing my the way that I think and the way that I feel, like if you're making me sick inside of my own environment, like you deserve it. I'll give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give any kind of fuck. And then that way, I am a feminist, cause it's like, yo, dude, like how long are you gonna sit and take somebody hurting you before you actually realize that like you're not the problem they are and in order for their behavior to stop, you have to actually like you have to prevent this by stepping up for yourself. It's kind of like a show and like, okay, like like at a certain point it is kind of like a game. Like how long are you going to let me do this to you before you just fucking like get up and fucking hit me back? And I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't want to fight, but at the same time, like, bro, like I've been getting my ass whipped by these idiots and so I'm like, okay, I have to actually, but I'm still not a fighter. I have to do it in a way that makes sense and so that the community can be improved when I move on. Like I don't necessarily want to put somebody in the same place that I am now because I really am not I don't and just improve it. Like I believe so much in doing that, like not just leaving no trace, but like improving the place from which you are situated when you leave so that when the next person comes through, they don't have to struggle through the same hardship. So in that way, leadership, sure, be

As the fifth-largest bed and breakfast in Montana, Bad Rock offers more than cozy accommodations; it delivers unforgettable Glacier experiences and a warm, family-style atmosphere where guests and staff feel right at home.

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B&B Hotels ist die größte Einzelhotelkette Deutschlands und kann getrost als volldigitalisiert beschrieben werden. Die kontinuierliche Expansion und die konsequente Umsetzung von Digitalisierungsstrategien positionieren B&B HOTELS als innovativen und wettbewerbsfähigen Akteur im europäischen Budget-Hotelsegment. Zeit also, sich mit dem CCO der Kette, Frank Seedorff zu treffen und über Strategie, KI und Costumer Experience zu sprechen. Wie immer wünsche ich viel Freude beim #schlauhören Roman Borch, Podcaster & Producer

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Ready to redecorate an old mountain property for summer cash? Well, strap in—because sometimes, the quaint B&B vibe comes spiked with a dead dog burial ground, a creepy chapel full of dust bunnies, and a disgruntled ghost lady who might just be the worst Airbnb host ever. Join us as our brave (or just broke) caller recounts the summer they spent scraping fur off the walls, dodging sleep paralysis nightmares, and discovering that bears make lousy grave keepers. If you've ever wanted to flip a fixer-upper that comes with its very own malicious presence, consider this your cosmic sign to turn back… or at least grab a really big can of sage. If you have a real ghost story or supernatural event to report, please write into our show or call 1-855-853-4802! If you like the show, please help keep us on the air and support the show by becoming a Premium Subscriber.  Subscribe here: http://www.ghostpodcast.com/?page_id=118 or at or at http://www.patreon.com/realghoststories Watch more at: http://www.realghoststoriesonline.com/ Follow Tony: Instagram: HTTP://www.instagram.com/tonybrueski TikToc: https://www.tiktok.com/@tonybrueski Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tony.brueski 

Hear the incredible story of John Lavin, the visionary owner of the historic Blue Ridge Inn Bed & Breakfast in Georgia. From his Southern upbringing split between Lafayette, LA and Chattanooga, TN, to a brief acting career in NYC + Hollywood and a passion for curating guest experiences, John shares how he found his true calling as an innkeeper - starting with going viral on TikTok showing tourists around New Orleans. Learn about the rich history of the 1890 Victorian inn, the unique guest experiences he curates, and the magic of Blue Ridge, a mountain town full of charm and adventure. Whether you're dreaming of a getaway or seeking inspiration for your own creative pursuit, this episode of Southern Character is a story you won't soon forget!  

This summer has served up the busiest summer ever for some Kiwi bed and breakfast hosts. Modern accommodation has taken off in recent years, with the likes of Airbnb promising ease and comfort to customers. But Bed and Breakfast Association President Ann-Marie Johnson says traditional is the way to go. "It's an opportunity to meet real Kiwi's, learn more about our way of life and customs," she said. What have tourists said about New Zealand's b&b's this summer? LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mild fan ambience—Okay, so over the holidays, we escaped our beloved children. I picked up a night at my wife's favorite ⁠local B&B⁠, which put us far enough away from the bickering stemming from being home for ****** ever from school. They were supposed to return to school tomorrow, but with a giant ****** snowstorm coming, they will probably be home for another week.

Real-Life Tales from Running a Bed and Breakfast (and What You Can Learn) In this festive episode, I share some of the funniest and most memorable moments from my 17 years of running an award-winning B&B in Shropshire. From spider mishaps to dog antics, and even a few guest mix-ups, this light-hearted look back at my time as a B&B owner is sure to bring a smile to your face. Whether you're dreaming about starting a B&B, already running a bed and breakfast, or just curious about the pros and cons of running a B&B, this episode offers a fun glimpse into the real-life experiences of a B&B host. For a more serious podcast about the Pros and Cons of Running a B&B listen to this podcast. Key Topics Covered: Introduction My background running a successful B&B and teaching aspiring B&B owners since 2006. Why I decided to share funny anecdotes for my final podcast of 2024. The Realities of Running a Bed and Breakfast The inevitability of things going wrong and how to prepare for them. Insights from Benjamin Franklin and Jay Shetty about preparing for the unexpected. How to navigate the challenges of running a B&B with preparation and a sense of humour. Spider Mishaps The oversized spiders that come with living in a converted granary. The time a guest unknowingly carried a house spider on her shoulder at breakfast. How a disappearing spider in a pile of towels led to a neighbourly favour I'll never forget. A particularly awkward post-shower encounter with an eight-legged visitor. Learning Point: While dealing with critters may not be glamorous, having a plan in place for pests is essential for maintaining calm and providing a great guest experience. Dog Antics in a Bed and Breakfast Mitsi and Murphy, my rescue dogs with big personalities. Mitsi's "goose" moment with a guest and her sleepover with a guest's greyhound. Murphy's muddy paw prints, stolen croissants, and an embarrassing skirt-pulling incident. The accidental guest "in the lounge" misunderstanding that didn't go quite as planned. Learning Point: Running a B&B with dogs can delight animal-loving guests but requires clear boundaries and preparation to avoid mishaps. Learn more in my blog posts: How to Run a Dog-Friendly B&B and Running a B&B and Owning a Dog. Funny Guest Mix-Ups Inviting a teenager looking for a party to his “room.” Mistaking two Jehovah's Witnesses for course participants during a busy training day. Learning Point: Establishing a clear check-in process may not seem exciting but can save you from awkward situations and help create a professional first impression. Running a Bed and Breakfast with Chickens Managing chickens at a B&B and dealing with the aftermath of a fox attack. Puss the hen, her knitted chicken jumper, and a guest's amusing question about “pregnancy.” Learning Point: Guests may not always understand the realities of keeping animals, but handling their concerns with empathy and sensitivity helps maintain a welcoming atmosphere. Why Listen to This Episode? If you've ever wondered about the day-to-day realities of running a bed and breakfast, or you're considering starting a B&B yourself, this episode offers a light-hearted but honest perspective. You'll hear real-life stories that highlight the quirky, funny, and sometimes surprising side of hosting guests. Resources for Aspiring and Current B&B Owners: Mini Workshop: Basics of Setting Up a B&B – A great place to start if you're dreaming of opening your own bed and breakfast. Full Online Course: How to Set Up and Run a B&B – Everything you need to know to turn your dream into a reality. Subscribe to the Podcast: Stay updated with new episodes packed with tips for marketing a B&B, improving your guest experience, and navigating the ups and downs of running a bed and breakfast. Subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. If you celebrate Christmas, I wish you a very happy one! If not, I hope you enjoy some time to relax and recharge over the holiday season. See you in 2025, and happy hosting!

Join us on the road at the Howarth House Bed and Breakfast as we sit down with owners and innkeepers, Ryan and Sarah Jordan. Ryan and Sarah share the interesting story of how they ended up becoming innkeepers, how their backgrounds in healthcare have helped shape their approach to hospitality, and the amazing friendships they've forged with repeat visitors. Learn all about this unique, intimate and cozy property nestled in the heart of Fitchburg, and everything their property has to offer that makes a remarkable experience for visitors from near and far.   The Inside North Central Massachusetts Podcast is sponsored by Franklin Professional Associates. #podcast #podcaster #podcastshow #podcastlove #businesspodcast #newpodcast #podcastnetwork #podcastcommunity #applepodcasts #spotifypodcast #podernfamily #podbean #newepisode #insidenorthcentralma #insidenorthcentralmassachusettspodcast #mylocalma #visitma #massachusettspodcast #massachusetts #northcentralmassachusetts #fitchburg #fitchburgmass #howarthhousebnb #bedandbreakfast

With years of cooking professionally for high-end and high-volume restaurants, our first guest is no stranger when it comes to creating a dining experience that is sure to leave a lasting impression.  Executive Chef Justin Nelson joined our host to discuss his culinary pedigree and how it led him to working inside Live! Casino and Hotel in Philadelphia at The Prime Rib.  Chef Nelson has worked at a number of stay-and-play restaurants and resorts, and with his and The Prime Rib's history, it's not surprising that Philadelphia's newest restaurant, casino, and hotel drew his attention.  The Prime Rib provides the sophistication of an upscale steakhouse without the fuss of being exclusive.  Tune in to learn about Chef Nelson and what you can look forward to when visiting The Prime Rib inside Live! Casino & Hotel Philadelphia!https://philadelphia.livecasinohotel.com/dine-and-drink/the-prime-ribSharing what you're thankful for is a tradition for most families during the holidays, especially on Thanksgiving Day.  In that same spirit, our host wanted to share her gratitude with (and for) all of you, along with a quick recipe tip, and asking a question for all of you.  So stay tuned to hear what Amaris is thankful for, an easy recipe tip, and to answer her question to all of you!Our final guest is a friend of the show. Chef Stephen Servis is one of the Co-Founders of Servis Events, and sat down with our host for an update on everything that's been going on since his last appearance on the show.  The private-dining caterers Stephen and Nicholas Servis have continued to expand both in their personal and professional lives.  Although we are always happy to hear all the great news, we love to spotlight new things available for your dining pleasure--so look for more seating availability, new farm-to-table experiences, wine pairing collaborations and more!  Learn about the Servis family and their private dining options when you tune in to Food Farms And Chefs Radio Show, Episode 206!https://servis-events.com

Behind the Scenes of Running a B&B with Kate O'Donovan | Bed and Breakfast Academy In this episode, I'm joined by Kate O'Donovan, owner of Maple Bank B&B in the stunning UK Lake District and a graduate of my B&B Academy course. Kate shares her journey from corporate life to running a thriving seven-room B&B and offers practical insights for aspiring and current B&B owners. Whether you're dreaming of starting your own B&B or looking for inspiration to improve your guest experience, this episode is packed with valuable advice and honest reflections on what it's really like to run a bed and breakfast. Key Topics Covered: Introduction: My background and experience running a B&B and training owners since 2006. Introducing Kate O'Donovan, her background, and the story behind Maple Bank B&B. Choosing the Right Location: Why Kate and her mum chose the Lake District for their B&B. How location impacts year-round business opportunities and guest demographics. Creating an Exceptional Guest Experience: The importance of focusing on how guests feel during their stay. Practical ways to make guests feel at home, from thoughtful touches to dog-friendly amenities. The Realities of Running a B&B: Managing guest expectations and setting clear boundaries to protect your time and well-being. Strategies for dealing with negative reviews and unexpected challenges. The Importance of Work Experience: How real-world experience can help aspiring B&B owners decide if the lifestyle is right for them. Kate's new mini work experience programme for potential B&B owners. Lessons Learned: Why it's critical to delegate tasks and focus on what you do best. Kate's advice for balancing the financial and emotional demands of running a B&B. Connect with Kate: Visit Maple Bank B&B at www.maplebank.co.uk for more information or to get in touch with Kate. Connect with Me: Visit Bed and Breakfast Academy for more blog posts, podcasts, and courses.Check out the mini workshop for those considering starting a B&B.Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple to stay updated with new episodes. Enjoy the episode, and happy hosting!

No tricks? No treats? No problem: because on this edition of Octoberpod AM classic horror podcast we've got some serial cereal so scary you'll poop blood red! Your horror host Edward October is stocking up on discounted monster cereal as a snack to pair with tales of exorcism and demonic possession.            First up:  Serial Napper, Nikki Young, unpacks the shocking true story of a fatal exorcism in Germany (complete with real "found footage" audio of the ritual). Then, Edward October asks "who mourns for Carmella Creeper?" Plus: Autumn (of Autumn's Oddities) presents the facts in the case of a demon possessed home that's now a charming bed and breakfast. Featuring special guests Nikki Young (Serial Napper podcast) and Autumn Grube (Autumn's Oddities podcast).         Pour out a bowl of Count Chocula because we're serving up monsters, creepers, demons, exorcists, and some hot tea about celebrity ghost hunters Ed and Lorraine Warren. It's all part of a complete, post-Halloween breakfast of the possessed on this edition of Octoberpod AM: the retro horror show for bold individualists.        // PROMOS        Insinuation podcast        Social Detective Podcast        Spine Chillers & Serial Killers                // FOLLOW        Find more true, true-ish & classic horror / paranormal content by following us on social media!        Twitter: @OctoberpodVHS | Bluesky:  @octoberpod.bsky.social | Instagram: @OctoberpodVHS | TikTok:  @octoberpod | YouTube: Octoberpod Home Video          Or follow us on the worldwide web at OctoberpodVHS.com        Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/octoberpod-am--5482497/support.

In this episode, I share my journey of creating a lifestyle-oriented business. Starting from a young age, I aimed to build a business that provided time freedom and emotional balance. This led me to explore remote business strategies, emphasizing automated client service and efficient operations. The episode offers practical insights for entrepreneurs on integrating personal values into business models, highlighting the importance of maintaining a balanced life while achieving professional success. It's time to rise up! Want more time freedom and to monetize your knowledge online? You're not alone. I'll guide you for free with the EXACT steps that have helped my clients and I get clarity on where to start & what steps to take: Freedom Workshop Not sure exactly what idea or topic you could make an online course about? 150+ Profitable Ideas Guide   Are you ready to: Go from trading your time doing 1:1 with patients/clients to complete time freedom, helping more people ? Find a like-minded community and support that takes you to the next level ? Bring in an additional revenue source in your business by turning your experience into an online program? If yes, click below for a FREE FREEDOM BUILDING ASSESSMENT: Find a time that works for you HERE  

In this episode of STR Investing, we welcome Eric Goldreyer, founder of BNB Finder—a direct booking platform designed to help guests find their next short-term rental without the high fees of traditional OTA platforms. Eric shares his inspiring journey from BedandBreakfast.com to Turnkey Vacation Rentals and now BNB Finder. We dive into the benefits of direct bookings, professional property management, and the future of the short-term rental industry. Whether you're a newbie or a seasoned pro, this episode is packed with insights to elevate your rental business.Episode Highlights:- Eric's journey and the creation of BNB Finder- Advantages of direct bookings and professional management- Future trends in the short-term rental industryWhere to Find Eric:Website: [BNB Finder](https://www.bnbfinder.com)  Email: Eric@bnbfinder.comTune in for expert tips and advice!

Do you believe in ghosts? What even is a ghost? There might be some in the Lizzie Borden household in Fall River, Massachusetts. Listen through an entertaining narration of hopeful skepticism as people braver than me talk to the dead at the Borden B&B.GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING involving  violence, death and dyingSource(s):The Paranormal FilesTattoo Numbing Cream Recall IG: @JLEPODCAST X: @JLEpod FB: JLE Email: JLEPOD@YAHOO.COM

JLE returns with a multipart story about Lizzie Borden and the murders of her father and stepmother on August 4th, 1892 in Fall River, Massachusetts.. First, learn the history that cuts deeper than the grizzly nursery rhyme through an audio tour of the infamous Borden home. Full episode: The Paranormal Files IG: @JLEPODCAST FB: JLE Email: JLEPOD@YAHOO.COM

Small accommodation providers are set to be booted off at least one big booking platform if they don't meet new tax requirements that kicked in yesterday.

If you have a real ghost story or supernatural event to report, please write into our show at http://www.realghoststoriesonline.com/ or call 1-855-853-4802! Want AD-FREE & ADVANCE RELEASE EPISODES? Become a Premium Subscriber Through Apple Podcasts now!!! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/real-ghost-stories-online/id880791662?mt=2&uo=4&ls=1 Or Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/realghoststories Or Our Website: http://www.ghostpodcast.com/?page_id=118 

Cozy fire and rain ambience — You booked your Bennington Bed and Breakfast just below the towering Battle Monument. You promised your partner it would be perfect. Hit a few trails on Prospect Mountain. Dinner and shopping downtown. Some hippy art gallery. It'll be a hoot. Then months of plans ruined by a fluke thaw. "It can hit 60 in February?!" "A'yup happens every year 'round this time," says the innkeeper dropping a plate of strata before you. "Usually, it's just a day or two; it should be cold and snowy again by Monday. Want some more coffee?" "You can go to hell, old man."

Join host Patrina Dixon in a captivating episode of The Money Exchange Podcast as she engages in a heartfelt conversation with Erik, the visionary behind Oak Bluffs Inn. Nestled by the beach, Oak Bluffs Inn has become a beacon of hospitality, drawing guests back time and again. In this episode, we explore the reasons behind the inn's charm and success.   For those aspiring to enter the world of bed and breakfast ownership, Erik shares valuable advice. From considering the high entry costs to prioritizing guest safety and continuously improving based on feedback, his insights provide a roadmap for turning dreams into a thriving reality.   Tune in to this episode for an inside look at Oak Bluffs Inn, where dreams meet breakfast, and discover the secrets behind the warmth and allure that keep guests returning to this idyllic haven by the beach.   Connect with the host, Patrina Dixon   +Instagram https://www.instagram.com/itsmymoney_/    +Facebook https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100013355082005    +Twitter https://twitter.com/itsmymoney_    +YouTube https://youtube.com/c/It%E2%80%99sMyMoneywithPatrinaDixon    +Pinterest https://pin.it/5x8rOTp    +Website http://www.itsmymoneyjournal.info/    Connect with guest, Erik Albert +Website https://oakbluffsinn.com/    +Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theoakbluffsinn/   

The innkeepers would live in their RVs on the property, about 20 yards from the bed and breakfast. They need to get up early to have coffee ready by 7 and serve breakfast around 8:30. After cleaning up and checking out guests, there will be some housekeeping that needs to be done, but Workampers have plenty of time to explore the area.

Bed and Breakfast owner Wayne Wang has spent nearly all his life living in and exploring Sun Moon Lake. He tells I-C-R-T's Hope Ngo why he remains entranced by the area and how best to explore the lake, which international media once described as one of the most beautiful bike trails in the world.

murdAIR B and B is a business that rents haunted houses, crime scenes, and condemned asylums.  Some of the rentals have great history and lore, and will give you an uneasy feeling. Some of them are downright deadly.Music and ambient noise was provided by...Alex Mason--  Locked UpElectric Bird Noise -- Moments like last night make me wanna believe in ghostsChris Zabriskie -- Last night I dreamt I saw true love in your eyesall of these are available on free music archiveBuy the new book Bedtime Stories for Weird Kids here, or sign up for the Patreon to get a free signed copy!Listen on PoduramaPlease subscribe through Buzzsprout, Stitcher, Spotify, Podchaser, or iTunesFind me on social media on Instagram Facebook and Twitter, or email me direct at AScaryHomeCompanion@gmail.comSupport our PATREON page! And check out the Redbubble merch shop. Support the show

In this special broadcast, recorded at VRMA, you will hear a special interview with CEO of bnbfinder, Eric Goldreyer. Eric has two very big entrepreneurial exits within our industry. The first one from BedandBreakfast.com which sold to HomeAway and the second one as Co-Founder of TurnKey Vacation Rentals which sold to Vacasa. In this episode we dive into his past experiences and how they all have built to the moment of Eric acquiring bnbfinder in order to really bring value to operators who want to diversify their distribution channels to build more sustainability in their business. Tune in and check out bnbfinder in order to get your properties on their platform!   Hospitality Hotline & GMC Report! Hospitality Hotline is open to everyone by using this link!

**Please note this is a Spookysode,  there is going to be subject matter present in this episode that aren't present in typical episodes, and could be triggering. Please listen with caution._-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Good Golly Miss Molly!Join us this Samhain for tales of cowboys, flirtatious ghosts, an interview with a vampi- I mean, a ghost hunter, and (as always) lots of stories from you guys.A huge thank you to Theresa Mariesa for her time, knowledge, and for being a friend. Y'all have a rootin' tootin' Halloween, ya'hear!Today's Sponsor:Jupiter Ritualsjupiterrituals.comInstagram @jupiterritualsSimply CaptivatingCheck it out on Patreon.com/wbahpodcast on Thursdayswbahpodcast.com_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_Advertise with us!Just shoot us an email over to wbahpodcast@gmail.comWant to help support the Podcast? Consider becoming a Patron or OnlyFan!www.patreon.com/wbahpodcastonlyfans.com/wbahpodcastSnag yourself some WBAH Merch!teespring.com/stores/wbah-podcast-storeContact Us (Come Eat With Us)Instagram @WitchBitchAmateurHourTwitter @BitchHourFacebook @WitchAmateurHourOnlyfans.com/wbahpodcastwbahpodcast@gmail.comHandwritten letters are actual magic!PO Box 865Canton, Tx75103_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Come Do Yoga With Macy:patreon.com/macyaniseyogaPlay The Sims With Charlyetwitch.tv/charlye_withawhyTwitter @charlyewithawhyOur Video EditorEldrich Kitchenm.youtube.com/channel/UC_CwBrVMhqezVz_fog716Ow_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Support the showWe are not doctors, lawyers, or professionals. We are amateurs, and nothing we say should be taken as advice, instruction, or seriously. Any action taken based on what we say or imply can and will lead to illness, existential crisis, injury, your pets no longer loving you, and death. We make no promise or guarantee, expressed or implied, and assume no legal liability or responsibility for any injuries resulting from the use of information contained within our media.

Hi Beau, I want to purchase an existing Bed & Breakfast in Norfolk, Virginia. I have the tax returns and the current owner is writing off nearly everything and they're running a lot of personal expenses through the tax returns. My question to you is: I am buying it for the value of the real estate alone. There is probably no business value. If the cashflow isn't there, is an SBA loan still a viable option? Thank you, Michelle If you'd like to meet with Beau to talk financing, book a call here ( http://bookwithbeau.com/ )

A truly fascinating and entertaining conversation with Matt Cunningham, who with his wife Laura have operated the award-winning Cedar Crest Lodge in Pleasanton for over two decades, Kansas. Both of their backgrounds are in television, and the story of their personal and business journey is amazing and enjoyable.

In Episode 312 Jeff Belanger and Ray Auger investigate Captain Nathaniel Lord's mansion in Kennebunkport, Maine. Built during the War of 1812, Lord had his shipbuilders construct the finest mansion in town. Lord died young, just three years after the mansion was built, leaving his wife Phoebe to raise the family alone. The mansion remained in the Lord family up until 1972. Today this mansion is an opulent and haunted Bed and Breakfast. But who is haunting this stately mansion?   See more here: https://ournewenglandlegends.com/podcast-312-captain-lords-haunted-mansion/   Listen ad-free plus get early access and bonus episodes at: https://www.patreon.com/NewEnglandLegends

On this Moats, George Galloway speaks with Mike Jones on the failed counter offensive in Ukraine and Chris Hedges on the 'Trump Party' and the battle for the Presidency. Plus why he says 'Absolutely Not!' to the invasion of Niger, to the drug trafficker in power in Nigeria and to the political peewees in the UK's stationary government and opposition in UK. Mike Jones: Independent Journalist and English Expat living in Moscow, Russia:Twitter: https://twitter.com/iearlgreytvFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/iEarlGreyWebsite: https://www.foreignagent.tv/Chris Hedges: Journalist, Writer and Political Commentator:Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrislynnhedgesYouTube: https://youtube.com/@therealnewsThe Chris Hedges Report site: https://chrishedges.substack.com/Follow me on:X/Twitter: https://twitter.com/georgegallowayFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/GeorgeGallowayTelegram: https://t.me/georgegallowaySubscribe to my channel on Youtube: @GeorgeGallowayOfficial THE MOTHER OF ALL TALK SHOWSEVERY SUNDAY

Jared Van Hees of Vitalize Seed joins me for this weeks episode. We are discussing fall food plots, food sources for deer in general, habitat improvement and using scrapes to target and kill deer. Thanks for listening! Vitalize Seed  Latitude Outdoors Stealth Outdoors DEERHUNTERPODCAST.COM Join the Community DHP Patreon

learn how to use "if" clauses to choose and make a reservation at a hotel using a formal conversation as an example

A haunted bed and breakfast, demon children, a grandma's ghost in the form of an orb and more on this edition of Jim Harold's Campfire! -CALM-  We're so happy to partner with Calm. Calm is the app designed to help you ease stress and get the best sleep of your life. Calm is offering Campfire listeners a special limited time promotion of 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at CALM.COM/campfire -RITUAL- You deserve to know what's in your multivitamin. That's why Ritual is offering my listeners 20% off during your first month. Visit ritual.com/campfire to start your Ritual today. TRANSCRIPT We utilize human transcription which is more work-intensive than automation. As a result, it may take longer for us to provide a full transcript. The text will be posted soon. Thank you for your patience. -- For more information on our podcast data policy CLICK HERE  

In Episode 306 Jeff Belanger and Ray Auger explore a Bed and Breakfast in Lewiston, Maine, where you could rent a room that served as a crypt for a priest for over a century. This former Catholic church and rectory turned event hall and B&B looks every bit the part, but there was a time when the basement crypt room could be rented to watch horror movies and lie in a bed designed to look like a coffin within the former crypt. How did it get there? And where did it go? See more here: https://ournewenglandlegends.com/podcast-306-sleeping-with-the-dead-in-lewiston/ Listen ad-free plus get early access and bonus episodes at: https://www.patreon.com/NewEnglandLegends

On this episode of mwmh, Payton and Garrett discuss the puzzling mass murder of 4 individuals at a Maine B&B. Social and Bonus episode links: https://linktr.ee/murderwithmyhusband World app available for apple! https://apps.apple.com/us/app/worlds-the-home-for-community/id1666127579 Sources: Cbsnews.com, “3 of 4 Maine B&B Victims Dismembered,” no author provided, September 6, 2006   Rutlandherald.com, “Cook charged in 4 grisly murders,” by Glenn Adams, September 6, 2006   Seacoastonline.com, “Murder suspect loses 55 lbs. in jail,” by David Sharp, May 4, 2007   Sfgate.com, “Former S.F. innkeeper, 3 others slain in Maine,” by Jaxon Van Derbeken, September 8, 2006   Q106.5, q1065.fm, “The Scary Stories of 10 Maine Multiple Murderers & Their Victims,” by Cindy Campbell, August 23, 2001   Wjbq.com, “Do you remember the Maine bed & breakfast serial killer?” by Brittany Rose, August 9, 2022   Portland Press Herald, “Suspect arrested in quadruple slayings near Maine ski resort,” by Gregory D. Kesich, September 6, 2006   Murderpedia.org, “Christian Charles Nielsen”   Google maps   Findagrave.com   State of Maine v. Christian Nielsen, written opinion of the Maine Supreme Judicial Court, dated May 6, 2008   The Boston Globe, Boston.com, “Rent dispute may have preceded Maine deaths,” by Michael Levenson and Raja Mishrae, September 7, 2006   The Standard-Times, southcoasttoday.com, “Maine man pleads guilty to killing 4 people in Maine resort country,” by David Sharp, October 10, 2007   The Standard-Times, southcoasttoday.com, “Nielsen said he bought gun and ammo on day he killed Whitehurst,” by Staff Writer, November 7, 2006, updated January 14, 2011   State of Maine Department of Corrections, www1.maine.gov, “Adult Resident Search”   Sun Journal, sunjournal.com, “A troubled childhood,” by Scott Thistle, September 16, 2006   The Oklahoman, Oklahoman.com, “Man gets life for killings at Maine B&B,” by Clarke Canfield, October 18, 2007   TheCinemaholic.com, “Where is Christian C. Nielsen Now?” by Noor Malhotra, August 28, 2020   U.S. Census   Arkansas Democrat Gazette, “Man accused of killing 4 in Maine deemed competent to stand trial,” by Associated Press, September 20, 2007   The Bangor Daily News, “Police say accused recounted slayings,” by the Associated Press, July 5, 2007   The Bangor Daily News, “Insanity plea entered in B&B slaying case,” by the Associated Press, May 17, 2007   The New York Times, “Man Is Charged in Killings at Maine Bed and Breakfast,” by Ariel Sabar, September 6, 2006   USAToday.com, “Maine bed and breakfast slayings a shock,” by Shelby Bullard, September 6, 2006   Sunjournal.com, “Family mourns ‘super mom,'” by Terry Karkos, September 7, 2006   Mainebiz.biz, “Inn's grisly connection prompts conversion,” by Mainebiz News Staff, September 8, 2009   Boston.com, “Maine police investigate an apparent quadruple homicide,” by Andrew Ryan, September 5, 2006   Boston.com, “Murder victim remembered with memorial in remote spot,” by Clarke Canfield, October 17, 2007   Assisted research and writing by Diane Birnholz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jamila West is the owner of Rosie's in Miami. Jamila began working in restaurants at the age of 16 as a buster. She attended and graduated from both the C.I.A. and Johnson and Wales. She worked for upscale restaurants in New York, LA, Kuwait, Dubai, and Miami. She and Chef Akino West opened The Copper Door, a bed and breakfast, in Miami, which operated from 2018-2020. They transitioned that business into the currently thriving Rosie's Miami, a full-service Southern-American restaurant. Unstoppables! Please consider taking this survey about our listener demographics so that we can better determine how to best serve our listeners. Less than 10 simple questions. Here is the link: CLICK HERE Show notes… Calls to ACTION!!! Join Restaurant Unstoppable Network and get your first 30 days on me!  Connect with my past guest and a community of superfans. Subscribe to the Restaurant Unstoppable YouTube Channel Join the private Unstoppable Facebook Group Join the email list! (Scroll Down to get the Vendor List!) Favorite success quote/mantra: "Capitalize on things that are easy for you." In this episode with Jamila West we will discuss: Self-awareness Graduating from both the C.I.A. and Johnson and Wales Working Kuwait as a young restaurant professional Restaurant openings Training Being in business with your significant other Mental health in the industry Today's sponsor: For restaurants, large costs can pop up fast, but traditional loans are too slow. That's why you need Zinch – They're a direct lender that can fund up to $250,000 in less than 2 days. Apply online and you can get a response within 24 hours. Right now, my listeners get their application fee waived by going to financingthatworks.com. Loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Lenders Law license. Join the 60-day Restaurant Systems Pro FREE TRAINING. This is something that has never been done before. This 60-day event is at no cost to you, but it is not for everyone. Fred Langley, CEO of Restaurant Systems Pro, will lead a group of restaurateurs through the Restaurant Systems Pro software and set up the systems for your restaurant. During the 60 days, Fred will walk you through the Restaurant Systems Pro Process and help you crush the following goals: Recipe Costing Cards; Guidance in your books for accounting; Cash controls; Sales Forecasting(With Accuracy); Checklists; Budgeting for the entire year; Scheduling for profit; More butts in seats and more… Click Here to learn more. Knowledge bombs Which “it factor” habit, trait, or characteristic you believe most contributes to your success? Sense of people What is your biggest weakness? Organization What's one thing you ask or look for when interviewing/growing your team? Smile What's a current challenge? How are you dealing with it? Evolving the business financially Share one code of conduct or behavior you teach your team. Have pride in what you are doing What is one uncommon standard of service you teach your staff? Uniform choice What's one book we must read to become a better person or restaurant owner? Setting The Table by Danny Meyer GET THIS BOOK FOR FREE AT AUDIBLE.COM  What's one piece of technology you've adopted within your restaurant walls and how has it influence operations? xtraCHEF What is one thing you feel restaurateurs don't do well enough or often enough? Being on the floor and out of the office If you got the news that you'd be leaving this world tomorrow and all memories of you, your work, and your restaurants would be lost with your departure with the exception of 3 pieces of wisdom you could leave behind for the good of humanity, what would they be? Give back to your community Lead by example Have fun Contact: Instagram: @rosiesmia Website: https://www.rosiesmia.com/ Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for joining today! Have some feedback you'd like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of the post. Also, please leave an honest review for the Restaurant Unstoppable Podcast on iTunes! Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and I read each and every one of them. And finally, don't forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes to get automatic updates. Huge thanks to Jamila West for joining me for another awesome episode. Until next time! Restaurant Unstoppable is a free podcast. One of the ways I'm able to make it free is by earning a commission when sharing certain products with you. I've made it a core value to only share tools, resources, and services my guest mentors have recommend, first. If you're finding value in my podcast, please use my links!

The Lehmann House Bed and Breakfast is located at No. 10 Benton Place in St. Louis, Missouri. This is in the historic Lafayette Square neighborhood. The home has been the residence for a couple of prominent families in St. Louis and then fell into a bit of disrepair as it served as a rental property. In the 1990s it was restored and turned into a bed and breakfast and continues to be that today. This not only hosts tourists to the city, but also a couple of ghosts and they embrace their haunted reputation. Join us as we explore the history and hauntings of the Lehmann House Bed and breakfast. The Moment in Oddity features dumpster diving and This Month in History features Glenn Miller's death. Check out the website: http://historygoesbump.com   Show notes can be found here: https://historygoesbump.blogspot.com/2022/12/hgb-ep-465-lehmann-house-bed-breakfast.html    Become an Executive Producer: http://patreon.com/historygoesbump Music used in this episode:  Main Theme: Lurking in the Dark by Muse Music with Groove Studios (Moment in Oddity) Vanishing by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4578-vanishing License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license (This Month in History) In Your Arms by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3906-in-your-arms License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license Outro Music: Happy Fun Punk by Muse Music with Groove Studios The following music was used for this media project: Music: Inspiring Noir Piano Waltz by MusicLFiles Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/8785-inspiring-noir-piano-waltz License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license Artist website: https://cemmusicproject.wixsite.com/musiclibraryfiles Music: Train Station by Michal Mojzykiewicz Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10058-train-station License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license Artist website: https://soundcloud.com/michaldrums