Podcast appearances and mentions of Dana Stevens

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 3Karen Embarks on a cure campaign.Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Karen sighed, "Might as well. Let's go kill the libido of an entire civilization, Holland."Holland took her arm and soon the cell where she was held disappeared and another space formed around them. Captain Hemsworth and several crew members from the ship stood nearby, as well as Ensign Holland who was still holding her arm, reassuringly. Looking around, Karen saw that they were in what appeared to be a sound-booth of sorts. One crewmember activated some equipment and moved one protruding tentacle closer to Karen's mouth and another toward Captain Hemsworth's."Are we ready, Ellis?" Captain Hemsworth asked, clearing his throat. Ellis nodded and stepped back from the tentacles. Hemsworth tapped the end of the tentacle and a booming noise reverberated around the room. He cleared his throat several more times and straightened his collar. "People of Priam! Your deliverance has come! You sent us forth among the stars to find the cure to the horrid addiction of filth that has infiltrated our minds and we have not failed you! We have dedicated our lives to this effort, foregone having families, and any comforts of home to bring you this salvation! Behold; The Karen!" he proclaimed, gesturing for Karen to speak."Um; hi?" Karen said, unsurely. Hemsworth glanced at Ellis who was reading some type of display. Ellis frowned and motioned for her to continue speaking. "Um; my name is Karen;""Hi Karen;” several crew members responded unanimously before Captain Hemsworth cut them off with a gesture."Um; I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say. I heard you're all having some troubles. I'm sorry. I know what that's like. I've had some troubles, too. I married the wrong person; someone who didn't really love me. I wasn't brave and I tried to avoid trouble too much. I had four kids, but they grew up seeing me treated badly, so they don't really see me as being worth much; if they don't need me to be a mom anymore, what good am I to them? I love them, but; I wish I had done more with my life. Now, I'm getting a divorce; and now that I'm in my 50's, I'm not young and beautiful anymore, so it's like I'm invisible to most people. My body hurts more than it used to; and I'm afraid most days. I don't know what's going to happen to me. Everything keeps changing and I don't know where I belong. I feel like I've failed all the time. But, they said that maybe I could help you, so; I hope I can help make things better for you. I'd like to see something good come out of all this," Karen said, wiping some tears off her cheeks. Holland stepped next to her and took her hand. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder."Ellis?" Hemsworth asked.Ellis looked up from the display, a disconcerted expression on his face. "I don't understand;” he murmured, leaning down and feverishly working on the equipment. "They're hearing it. I know they're hearing it;”"It's not working? She just spoke more than it took to knock out the entire bridge crew! What do you mean it's not working?" Hemsworth said, frustrated. Karen looked at Holland, who simply shrugged.Captain Hemsworth frowned with determination and motioned to Karen, "Speak again. Louder. Talk about the cobb salad! Men, brace yourselves!" he ordered."Cobb salad?" Karen repeated, surprised. "Oh, well, um; it's just yummy. It's got hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, bacon, and avocado on a bed of lettuce; chives and bleu cheese over the top is good, too. The nice thing is that all the ingredients are put into neat little rows across the lettuce, so you can choose exactly what you want in each bite! It's not just a big mess like other salads. You know, I could make you one ; do you guys have avocadoes?" she said enthusiastically, looking to Holland.Holland immediately began looking up something on his hand-held computer. "Av-o-ca-does; do they yield their young willingly, or do we need to;""What the hell is going on???" Captain Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland's ear and looking inside. "Holland! You're not wearing protection! Why aren't you unconscious on the floor?""Oh, um; they were kind of uncomfortable, and they made it hard to hear what she was remembering, and;""You Remembered With The Karen? What Is Wrong With You?" Hemsworth shouted, before calming himself. "Momoa, get some caffeline ready. I need to hear her again," he said, bracing himself as he pulled what looked like slugs out of his ears. "Speak again about the salad;”"Okay, uh; most like to eat it with a vinaigrette? I think that gets to be a bit too much if there's bleu cheese on top, though. Sometimes I'll get it with ranch or something creamy because then;""What the hell, Holland! What did you do to The Karen? I barely feel anything!" Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland by the uniform."Um; I don't know; we just talked and remembered; you know, she's really nice, if you get to;""Dammit, You've Broken The Karen, Holland! How Are We Supposed To;" Captain Hemsworth yelled until he was interrupted by a knock nearby.Lieutenant Ellis activated a control on his display and a hole formed in the wall of the room. An assembly of Priamites entered the room, as smoothly as if they were rolled in on a platform together. The crew of the Onan immediately fell prostrate on the floor before them. Karen, unwilling to lie face-down on a floor she hadn't cleaned herself, looked around uncomfortably and gave the assembly a small wave. One Priamite raised her hand to return the gesture but was quickly stopped by her neighbor."Welcome, crew of the Onan," one of the assembly said, followed by the rest of the assembly nodding agreeably. "We are most appreciative of all your; efforts. We realize that you have dedicated several of your lifetimes to freeing our civilization from the throes of pornographic addiction, and for your many sacrifices, we thank you," the speaker said, then glanced around uncomfortably at the others. "Most unexpectedly, ah; while the Eros Curse was most distressing to the initial generations, the subsequent generations acclimated to it rather quickly. Then, as fashions changed, the Eros Curse became more of a joke, really; dance mixes were made, memes;”"Excuse me?" Captain Hemsworth said, lifting his face from the floor."I mean, sure, the Eros Curse is still out there. It's just that it's just become something people live with. It doesn't take over our lives, but some indulge in it a little after the kids have gone to bed for the night. I mean, it's not really such a big deal. It adds a little spice to an otherwise boring life, you know?""Boring life?" Hemsworth repeated, rising to his feet. "Are you telling me that all of Priam just walks around, living life, thinking about; that?""Well, yes, but we are very grateful for all you and your crew have done for us. We express our thanks to all the crews of the ships we loaded up with uptight intellectuals that were determined to rid our civilization of; alternative thoughts. We have come here to present you and your crew with a commemorative plaque for all your;""Is this some kind of joke?" Hemsworth said, pacing around. "I've been trekking throughout the universe looking for a cure to your abhorrent lust-filled thoughts and now you just want to give me a plaque for a lifetime of sacrifice because you don't see a problem with your disgusting sticky existence?""Well, there's no need to kink-shame;” the assembly spokesperson muttered, "Honestly, you never wondered why they sent the most uptight assholes on the planet off on a vague 'mission' and never really asked for progress reports?""I don't believe this;” Hemsworth said, his eyes bulging, nostrils flaring. "We've sacrificed our lives for nothing???""Oh, I see where this is going;” Karen said to Holland, who seemed to be trying to assume a duck-and-cover position."How could you do this to us???" Hemsworth yelled."Use the diaphragm for projection, baby; you can do it;” Karen encouraged."I Want; To See; The Manager!" Captain Hemsworth yelled at the top of his lungs, causing a feedback loop to screech throughout the room. The last thing Karen saw before falling unconscious was the sight of every Priamite in the room projectile vomiting on each other. The stench was overwhelming.Karen's Humility.Karen lifted her face off the bathroom floor, overwhelmed by the stench. She brushed off a spare piece of toilet paper stuck to her face, as she tried to remember what had happened. Her lungs burned from what she slowly recognized as pepper spray. She gathered her purse and stumbled out of the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, and a bruise was swelling where her cheek hit the floor. She splashed some cold water on her face and wiped off the makeup that streaked in the process. This was Snookers; not Baker's Pie. She had just ripped a kid a new asshole for not having cobb salad on the menu. What was she doing with her life?Upon exiting the bathroom, she ran into Travis the Waiter, who looked like he had just splashed water on his face, too. Dread and unease filled his face upon seeing her before it was quickly masked into concern. "Oh, um; are you okay? Can I get you some ice for that?" he asked, looking at the bruise on her cheek."What? Oh, no, honey. I'm okay. I just fell," she said, before meeting his eyes and taking his hand in hers. "Travis, I'm so sorry about the way I treated you. That was awful, and I have no excuse. You didn't deserve that.""It's okay; it happens," Travis said, carefully."It shouldn't, though. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Would you mind if I just gave you some cash to cover the meal and snuck out of here? God knows what that group of biddies will gossip about when I go out there like this," Karen said, gesturing to herself."Yeah, that should be no problem," Travis said, taking the money she offered. "Are you sure you're okay?"Karen nodded, "I'm fine. I've just got some things to do. You've got a sweet heart, honey. Keep listening to it."Karen swallowed nervously as she went up the walkway to the small suburban house. She hadn't called before coming. It was rude of her not to call ahead of time, but then again, she was pretty sure that her number had been blocked. She didn't know if her oldest son had gone "no contact" or just "low contact" with her, but she was pretty sure her daughter-in-law would threaten to call the police within five minutes of her ringing the doorbell. Nevertheless, when she got up to the door, Karen put her finger forward and rang the bell."What do you want, Karen?" Hailey's terse voice came through the doorbell."Oh; you got one of those camera doorbell things; that's nice;” she began, unsure of how to say what was in her heart without a face in front of her."What do you want?" Hailey repeated."Um; I wanted to talk with you;""The last time you wanted to 'talk' with me, you just wanted to see my kids while you criticized my inadequate housekeeping, my inept child-rearing, and my unattractive post-pregnancy body. So, forgive me if I'd prefer not to have a heart-to-heart, Karen," Hailey interrupted."You're right," Karen said, looking at the dark circle holding the doorbell's camera. "I did that. I did that. I have not been kind to you. When Cal Jr. brought you home, I was not welcoming. I should have been; because you deserved that. You deserved it because you made my son happy. You have made him happier than I've ever known him to be; and that's what I've always wanted for him. If you were just like me, if you did all the things that I obnoxiously told you to do; he wouldn't be half as happy as he is with you; just as you are. If for no other reason than my son's happiness, you have my gratitude. I'm sorry that I've wasted the chances you've given me to know you better. You're brave and confident and funny. Honestly, I think you're the person I wished I could have been at your age. I'm sorry for a lot of things but being wasteful; saying thoughtless things that hardened people's hearts; those are the things that I wish I could take back the most. So, um;” Karen said, checking her notes on her phone's notepad to make sure she got all the points she wanted, "that's pretty much it. Oh, and I put that chocolate mousse recipe you liked on this index card so you can make it, but feel free to call me if you can't read my writing; or if you, you know, ever need anything."Karen nodded at the doorbell and started back down the walkway toward her car, blinking back tears. She had wasted so much time, so many chances. She didn't know if there was a point in trying again now, but she had to. She wasn't getting any younger.As she reached the end of the walkway, she was nearly knocked over by two little bodies running into her and grabbing onto her legs. Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she bent down to pick up her grandchildren, kissing them until they tried to wiggle away. As they started simultaneously telling her everything they had been doing while she was away, Karen's eyes drifted up to the doorway where her pierced and tattooed daughter-in-law stood. "Thank you" Karen mouthed silently over her grandchildren's backs.Karen pushed open the doors of Forest Glenn Hospice Care, her bag stuffed with an array of items and went up to the front desk. "Karen Weaver. I'm here for Dana Stevens," she said.The new girl at the reception desk looked at Karen with quiet unease. "Um; Ms. Stevens has requested only visitors who have;" Karen smirked and lifted the wig off her head, revealing her clean-shaven head. "Oh! Great! Go right in," she said, relieved.The corridor of the hospice facility was peaceful and quiet; exactly the kind of thing the old Dana would hate. Entering her room, Karen looked for any signs that other visitors had been to see Dana but saw nothing. Dana was napping again, her face drawn and gaunt, but thankfully not in pain. Karen put down her bag in a nearby chair and took out a rolled-up electronic piano keyboard and unfurled it on a table next to the hospital bed. As she was on her hands and knees trying to find an outlet to use, she heard Dana clear her throat. "What the hell is that?" she asked, smirking as she nodded at the keyboard."Your afternoon's entertainment. I ordered it on Amazon; you should have seen the bitchy reviews. Reminded me of you. Mind you, I haven't played since Cal got rid of the piano when it didn't fit in the Brooklyn apartment, so you're in for a treat," Karen said, rubbing her hands together and moving her glasses on top of her head so she could see the keyboard controls."Calvin Carmichael in a Brooklyn apartment. My god. What was it that emptied the Carmichael family coffers after they stole you away from me, again?" Dana asked, her sunken eyes taking in every detail of Karen's face as she hovered over the keyboard."Bernie Madoff; cleaned 'em dry. His parents were ever so shocked when they had to sell their properties and move to Florida," Karen said. "They weren't poor; they had enough to retire, but; they were horridly middle class.""Karma's a bitch," Dana said, pushing back against her pillows to sit up more. "Kare; I'm so sorry I didn't talk with you when you came back to the apartment. I could have helped you; we both would have helped you."Karen's smile faded, remembering and wondering what might have been. Dana would have helped her, but she was certain Dana's help would be help to get an abortion; and then she would never have had the joy of knowing her grandchildren. Dean would have; well, it was impossible to know what he would have done, but he would have helped. "Well, consider this your punishment," Karen said, stretching her fingers. "Are you ready?""I'm on opiates, baby. Bring it on;” Dana said, a smile moving across her face.Karen's fingers moved across the keys, and at first, she was put off by the strangeness of the keys and the sensation of tapping on something flat instead of the feel of a piano. Then, memory took over and her hands remembered the dance. Years fell away as she was filled again with the joy of making music. She started with "Clair de lune," a gentle Debussy chosen to respect the frailty of her friend's condition.Upon playing the final chords, she looked up for her friend's reaction to see that Dana had covered her face with a pillow in an attempt to smother herself. "God, you're rusty. You used to be better than me. What have you been doing with those hands?" she complained."Raising kids; kneading dough; finding random women's' panties when I changed sheets on the bed," Karen said, ruefully."Should've jumped Dean while you had the chance;” Dana murmured.Karen bit her lips and closed her eyes. "Um; how; how is he?"Dana stared into Karen's eyes for a painfully long moment, then looked out the window, away from Karen. "Life; life wasn't kind to him. After I graduated, he moved back home to take care of Nana. He only came to the city to look after me, anyway. Living alone hardened him. I haven't seen him in years; not that I'd want to see what he's become. Sometimes you just need to let people go, Kare," she said, sighing sadly. "Anyway; I need a laugh. Show me how pathetic your Jerry Lee Lewis catalog is.""Yes, ma'am," Karen said, blinking back tears and starting into "Great Balls of Fire."The wind coming through the drivers' side window ruffled the inch-long cap of vivid red hair that had grown on Karen's head as she drove down the winding West Virginia roads that she hadn't seen in 30 years. The beauty of this place still softened and relaxed her as much as it had, oh so long ago. Despite Dana's warnings, Karen's heart demanded that she make this trip; and after all she had lost, she was determined to listen to her heart from now on, until she could no longer hear it.She frowned at her passenger and began coughing as a noxious odor swirled around, filling her SUV. She rolled her window down further in self-preservation. This was probably a bad idea; but after all these years of thinking things through and being sensible, she felt entitled to indulge in a few harebrained schemes."Country road; take me home; to the place; I belong; West Virginia; mountain mama; take me home; country road;” she sang, smiling as the wooded foothills rose up in the distance. The path became rough when she turned by the Stevens mailbox and began bouncing up through the woods toward the cozy home. Her passenger surveyed the woods around the vehicle with increasing excitement.Karen started doubting herself, though. It was ridiculous, the more she thought about it. All her emails had gone unanswered. The phone number she was given was out of service. Three decades had passed since she came here; why would he want to see a 50-something woman with an unflattering haircut and stretch marks just because he had fallen in love with the 20-something version of her? Would Dean even remember her at all? She ran through her plan again in her mind again. It sounded really stupid, now. At least it would let her make a quick exit if things didn't work out, though.She broke out in a cold sweat when the house came into view. It was just as she had remembered it, maintained well, but not changed. It was like a holy place, kept perfectly through the ages in reverence for what it represented.She pulled up to the house and parked. No one emerged, so she would have to go in. She would have to go knock on that door and see the unrecognition or even disappointment in his eyes. She needed to go tell him about his sister. Opening the door, she slid out and hopped to the ground and stretched her legs. Suddenly, a braying roar filled the air and a wall of fur launched itself from behind the house and came for her. "SIT!" Karen yelled. Her command, though impressive, appeared only to be a gentle suggestion to the monster that continued to charge her. "STAY!" Karen shouted. This recommendation also appeared to go unheeded."BUSTER, NO!" a voice from the porch yelled, and Karen couldn't help but stare at her first glimpse of Dean in decades. He looked wild. Wild hair, wild beard, a body that had to be formed by the wilderness, itself. Not a drop of civilization tainted the essence of this man; and it made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Karen began walking toward him, completely forgetting about the fearsome beast avalanche coming to bury her. Dean jumped down from the porch and began running toward the flurry of fur and teeth that had bent its path upon Karen's destruction.A split second before Buster reached Karen, the passenger of her vehicle silently flew out, tackled him with a full-body slam and the two went rolling back from where Karen now stood next to Dean. The two tumbled, tearing up the grass and knocking over the woodpile in the commotion. Buster yelped loudly and jumped free of the massive shaggy-furred beast that was still intent upon teaching him some manners. "Judith, come!" Karen called, and with a final snarl at Buster, Judith returned to where Karen stood and sat by her side, still glaring to where Buster stood looking dumbfounded."Well, I'll be damned;” Dean murmured, looking at the still-cowed Buster in wonder."Girl dog privilege," Karen replied simply. "What is that thing, anyway?" she asked, nodding to where Buster now stood whining and trying to approach the growling Judith."Bernese Mountain Dog; Great Pyrenees; and probably a bit of German Shepherd;” Dean murmured, turning toward her. His eyes traveled over her slowly and boldly."Judith's Akita and Malamute; she was turned into the shelter because she always thinks she's right," Karen said. "That, and she farts something awful."

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 3Karen Embarks on a cure campaign.Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Karen sighed, "Might as well. Let's go kill the libido of an entire civilization, Holland."Holland took her arm and soon the cell where she was held disappeared and another space formed around them. Captain Hemsworth and several crew members from the ship stood nearby, as well as Ensign Holland who was still holding her arm, reassuringly. Looking around, Karen saw that they were in what appeared to be a sound-booth of sorts. One crewmember activated some equipment and moved one protruding tentacle closer to Karen's mouth and another toward Captain Hemsworth's."Are we ready, Ellis?" Captain Hemsworth asked, clearing his throat. Ellis nodded and stepped back from the tentacles. Hemsworth tapped the end of the tentacle and a booming noise reverberated around the room. He cleared his throat several more times and straightened his collar. "People of Priam! Your deliverance has come! You sent us forth among the stars to find the cure to the horrid addiction of filth that has infiltrated our minds and we have not failed you! We have dedicated our lives to this effort, foregone having families, and any comforts of home to bring you this salvation! Behold; The Karen!" he proclaimed, gesturing for Karen to speak."Um; hi?" Karen said, unsurely. Hemsworth glanced at Ellis who was reading some type of display. Ellis frowned and motioned for her to continue speaking. "Um; my name is Karen;""Hi Karen;” several crew members responded unanimously before Captain Hemsworth cut them off with a gesture."Um; I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say. I heard you're all having some troubles. I'm sorry. I know what that's like. I've had some troubles, too. I married the wrong person; someone who didn't really love me. I wasn't brave and I tried to avoid trouble too much. I had four kids, but they grew up seeing me treated badly, so they don't really see me as being worth much; if they don't need me to be a mom anymore, what good am I to them? I love them, but; I wish I had done more with my life. Now, I'm getting a divorce; and now that I'm in my 50's, I'm not young and beautiful anymore, so it's like I'm invisible to most people. My body hurts more than it used to; and I'm afraid most days. I don't know what's going to happen to me. Everything keeps changing and I don't know where I belong. I feel like I've failed all the time. But, they said that maybe I could help you, so; I hope I can help make things better for you. I'd like to see something good come out of all this," Karen said, wiping some tears off her cheeks. Holland stepped next to her and took her hand. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder."Ellis?" Hemsworth asked.Ellis looked up from the display, a disconcerted expression on his face. "I don't understand;” he murmured, leaning down and feverishly working on the equipment. "They're hearing it. I know they're hearing it;”"It's not working? She just spoke more than it took to knock out the entire bridge crew! What do you mean it's not working?" Hemsworth said, frustrated. Karen looked at Holland, who simply shrugged.Captain Hemsworth frowned with determination and motioned to Karen, "Speak again. Louder. Talk about the cobb salad! Men, brace yourselves!" he ordered."Cobb salad?" Karen repeated, surprised. "Oh, well, um; it's just yummy. It's got hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, bacon, and avocado on a bed of lettuce; chives and bleu cheese over the top is good, too. The nice thing is that all the ingredients are put into neat little rows across the lettuce, so you can choose exactly what you want in each bite! It's not just a big mess like other salads. You know, I could make you one ; do you guys have avocadoes?" she said enthusiastically, looking to Holland.Holland immediately began looking up something on his hand-held computer. "Av-o-ca-does; do they yield their young willingly, or do we need to;""What the hell is going on???" Captain Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland's ear and looking inside. "Holland! You're not wearing protection! Why aren't you unconscious on the floor?""Oh, um; they were kind of uncomfortable, and they made it hard to hear what she was remembering, and;""You Remembered With The Karen? What Is Wrong With You?" Hemsworth shouted, before calming himself. "Momoa, get some caffeline ready. I need to hear her again," he said, bracing himself as he pulled what looked like slugs out of his ears. "Speak again about the salad;”"Okay, uh; most like to eat it with a vinaigrette? I think that gets to be a bit too much if there's bleu cheese on top, though. Sometimes I'll get it with ranch or something creamy because then;""What the hell, Holland! What did you do to The Karen? I barely feel anything!" Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland by the uniform."Um; I don't know; we just talked and remembered; you know, she's really nice, if you get to;""Dammit, You've Broken The Karen, Holland! How Are We Supposed To;" Captain Hemsworth yelled until he was interrupted by a knock nearby.Lieutenant Ellis activated a control on his display and a hole formed in the wall of the room. An assembly of Priamites entered the room, as smoothly as if they were rolled in on a platform together. The crew of the Onan immediately fell prostrate on the floor before them. Karen, unwilling to lie face-down on a floor she hadn't cleaned herself, looked around uncomfortably and gave the assembly a small wave. One Priamite raised her hand to return the gesture but was quickly stopped by her neighbor."Welcome, crew of the Onan," one of the assembly said, followed by the rest of the assembly nodding agreeably. "We are most appreciative of all your; efforts. We realize that you have dedicated several of your lifetimes to freeing our civilization from the throes of pornographic addiction, and for your many sacrifices, we thank you," the speaker said, then glanced around uncomfortably at the others. "Most unexpectedly, ah; while the Eros Curse was most distressing to the initial generations, the subsequent generations acclimated to it rather quickly. Then, as fashions changed, the Eros Curse became more of a joke, really; dance mixes were made, memes;”"Excuse me?" Captain Hemsworth said, lifting his face from the floor."I mean, sure, the Eros Curse is still out there. It's just that it's just become something people live with. It doesn't take over our lives, but some indulge in it a little after the kids have gone to bed for the night. I mean, it's not really such a big deal. It adds a little spice to an otherwise boring life, you know?""Boring life?" Hemsworth repeated, rising to his feet. "Are you telling me that all of Priam just walks around, living life, thinking about; that?""Well, yes, but we are very grateful for all you and your crew have done for us. We express our thanks to all the crews of the ships we loaded up with uptight intellectuals that were determined to rid our civilization of; alternative thoughts. We have come here to present you and your crew with a commemorative plaque for all your;""Is this some kind of joke?" Hemsworth said, pacing around. "I've been trekking throughout the universe looking for a cure to your abhorrent lust-filled thoughts and now you just want to give me a plaque for a lifetime of sacrifice because you don't see a problem with your disgusting sticky existence?""Well, there's no need to kink-shame;” the assembly spokesperson muttered, "Honestly, you never wondered why they sent the most uptight assholes on the planet off on a vague 'mission' and never really asked for progress reports?""I don't believe this;” Hemsworth said, his eyes bulging, nostrils flaring. "We've sacrificed our lives for nothing???""Oh, I see where this is going;” Karen said to Holland, who seemed to be trying to assume a duck-and-cover position."How could you do this to us???" Hemsworth yelled."Use the diaphragm for projection, baby; you can do it;” Karen encouraged."I Want; To See; The Manager!" Captain Hemsworth yelled at the top of his lungs, causing a feedback loop to screech throughout the room. The last thing Karen saw before falling unconscious was the sight of every Priamite in the room projectile vomiting on each other. The stench was overwhelming.Karen's Humility.Karen lifted her face off the bathroom floor, overwhelmed by the stench. She brushed off a spare piece of toilet paper stuck to her face, as she tried to remember what had happened. Her lungs burned from what she slowly recognized as pepper spray. She gathered her purse and stumbled out of the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, and a bruise was swelling where her cheek hit the floor. She splashed some cold water on her face and wiped off the makeup that streaked in the process. This was Snookers; not Baker's Pie. She had just ripped a kid a new asshole for not having cobb salad on the menu. What was she doing with her life?Upon exiting the bathroom, she ran into Travis the Waiter, who looked like he had just splashed water on his face, too. Dread and unease filled his face upon seeing her before it was quickly masked into concern. "Oh, um; are you okay? Can I get you some ice for that?" he asked, looking at the bruise on her cheek."What? Oh, no, honey. I'm okay. I just fell," she said, before meeting his eyes and taking his hand in hers. "Travis, I'm so sorry about the way I treated you. That was awful, and I have no excuse. You didn't deserve that.""It's okay; it happens," Travis said, carefully."It shouldn't, though. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Would you mind if I just gave you some cash to cover the meal and snuck out of here? God knows what that group of biddies will gossip about when I go out there like this," Karen said, gesturing to herself."Yeah, that should be no problem," Travis said, taking the money she offered. "Are you sure you're okay?"Karen nodded, "I'm fine. I've just got some things to do. You've got a sweet heart, honey. Keep listening to it."Karen swallowed nervously as she went up the walkway to the small suburban house. She hadn't called before coming. It was rude of her not to call ahead of time, but then again, she was pretty sure that her number had been blocked. She didn't know if her oldest son had gone "no contact" or just "low contact" with her, but she was pretty sure her daughter-in-law would threaten to call the police within five minutes of her ringing the doorbell. Nevertheless, when she got up to the door, Karen put her finger forward and rang the bell."What do you want, Karen?" Hailey's terse voice came through the doorbell."Oh; you got one of those camera doorbell things; that's nice;” she began, unsure of how to say what was in her heart without a face in front of her."What do you want?" Hailey repeated."Um; I wanted to talk with you;""The last time you wanted to 'talk' with me, you just wanted to see my kids while you criticized my inadequate housekeeping, my inept child-rearing, and my unattractive post-pregnancy body. So, forgive me if I'd prefer not to have a heart-to-heart, Karen," Hailey interrupted."You're right," Karen said, looking at the dark circle holding the doorbell's camera. "I did that. I did that. I have not been kind to you. When Cal Jr. brought you home, I was not welcoming. I should have been; because you deserved that. You deserved it because you made my son happy. You have made him happier than I've ever known him to be; and that's what I've always wanted for him. If you were just like me, if you did all the things that I obnoxiously told you to do; he wouldn't be half as happy as he is with you; just as you are. If for no other reason than my son's happiness, you have my gratitude. I'm sorry that I've wasted the chances you've given me to know you better. You're brave and confident and funny. Honestly, I think you're the person I wished I could have been at your age. I'm sorry for a lot of things but being wasteful; saying thoughtless things that hardened people's hearts; those are the things that I wish I could take back the most. So, um;” Karen said, checking her notes on her phone's notepad to make sure she got all the points she wanted, "that's pretty much it. Oh, and I put that chocolate mousse recipe you liked on this index card so you can make it, but feel free to call me if you can't read my writing; or if you, you know, ever need anything."Karen nodded at the doorbell and started back down the walkway toward her car, blinking back tears. She had wasted so much time, so many chances. She didn't know if there was a point in trying again now, but she had to. She wasn't getting any younger.As she reached the end of the walkway, she was nearly knocked over by two little bodies running into her and grabbing onto her legs. Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she bent down to pick up her grandchildren, kissing them until they tried to wiggle away. As they started simultaneously telling her everything they had been doing while she was away, Karen's eyes drifted up to the doorway where her pierced and tattooed daughter-in-law stood. "Thank you" Karen mouthed silently over her grandchildren's backs.Karen pushed open the doors of Forest Glenn Hospice Care, her bag stuffed with an array of items and went up to the front desk. "Karen Weaver. I'm here for Dana Stevens," she said.The new girl at the reception desk looked at Karen with quiet unease. "Um; Ms. Stevens has requested only visitors who have;" Karen smirked and lifted the wig off her head, revealing her clean-shaven head. "Oh! Great! Go right in," she said, relieved.The corridor of the hospice facility was peaceful and quiet; exactly the kind of thing the old Dana would hate. Entering her room, Karen looked for any signs that other visitors had been to see Dana but saw nothing. Dana was napping again, her face drawn and gaunt, but thankfully not in pain. Karen put down her bag in a nearby chair and took out a rolled-up electronic piano keyboard and unfurled it on a table next to the hospital bed. As she was on her hands and knees trying to find an outlet to use, she heard Dana clear her throat. "What the hell is that?" she asked, smirking as she nodded at the keyboard."Your afternoon's entertainment. I ordered it on Amazon; you should have seen the bitchy reviews. Reminded me of you. Mind you, I haven't played since Cal got rid of the piano when it didn't fit in the Brooklyn apartment, so you're in for a treat," Karen said, rubbing her hands together and moving her glasses on top of her head so she could see the keyboard controls."Calvin Carmichael in a Brooklyn apartment. My god. What was it that emptied the Carmichael family coffers after they stole you away from me, again?" Dana asked, her sunken eyes taking in every detail of Karen's face as she hovered over the keyboard."Bernie Madoff; cleaned 'em dry. His parents were ever so shocked when they had to sell their properties and move to Florida," Karen said. "They weren't poor; they had enough to retire, but; they were horridly middle class.""Karma's a bitch," Dana said, pushing back against her pillows to sit up more. "Kare; I'm so sorry I didn't talk with you when you came back to the apartment. I could have helped you; we both would have helped you."Karen's smile faded, remembering and wondering what might have been. Dana would have helped her, but she was certain Dana's help would be help to get an abortion; and then she would never have had the joy of knowing her grandchildren. Dean would have; well, it was impossible to know what he would have done, but he would have helped. "Well, consider this your punishment," Karen said, stretching her fingers. "Are you ready?""I'm on opiates, baby. Bring it on;” Dana said, a smile moving across her face.Karen's fingers moved across the keys, and at first, she was put off by the strangeness of the keys and the sensation of tapping on something flat instead of the feel of a piano. Then, memory took over and her hands remembered the dance. Years fell away as she was filled again with the joy of making music. She started with "Clair de lune," a gentle Debussy chosen to respect the frailty of her friend's condition.Upon playing the final chords, she looked up for her friend's reaction to see that Dana had covered her face with a pillow in an attempt to smother herself. "God, you're rusty. You used to be better than me. What have you been doing with those hands?" she complained."Raising kids; kneading dough; finding random women's' panties when I changed sheets on the bed," Karen said, ruefully."Should've jumped Dean while you had the chance;” Dana murmured.Karen bit her lips and closed her eyes. "Um; how; how is he?"Dana stared into Karen's eyes for a painfully long moment, then looked out the window, away from Karen. "Life; life wasn't kind to him. After I graduated, he moved back home to take care of Nana. He only came to the city to look after me, anyway. Living alone hardened him. I haven't seen him in years; not that I'd want to see what he's become. Sometimes you just need to let people go, Kare," she said, sighing sadly. "Anyway; I need a laugh. Show me how pathetic your Jerry Lee Lewis catalog is.""Yes, ma'am," Karen said, blinking back tears and starting into "Great Balls of Fire."The wind coming through the drivers' side window ruffled the inch-long cap of vivid red hair that had grown on Karen's head as she drove down the winding West Virginia roads that she hadn't seen in 30 years. The beauty of this place still softened and relaxed her as much as it had, oh so long ago. Despite Dana's warnings, Karen's heart demanded that she make this trip; and after all she had lost, she was determined to listen to her heart from now on, until she could no longer hear it.She frowned at her passenger and began coughing as a noxious odor swirled around, filling her SUV. She rolled her window down further in self-preservation. This was probably a bad idea; but after all these years of thinking things through and being sensible, she felt entitled to indulge in a few harebrained schemes."Country road; take me home; to the place; I belong; West Virginia; mountain mama; take me home; country road;” she sang, smiling as the wooded foothills rose up in the distance. The path became rough when she turned by the Stevens mailbox and began bouncing up through the woods toward the cozy home. Her passenger surveyed the woods around the vehicle with increasing excitement.Karen started doubting herself, though. It was ridiculous, the more she thought about it. All her emails had gone unanswered. The phone number she was given was out of service. Three decades had passed since she came here; why would he want to see a 50-something woman with an unflattering haircut and stretch marks just because he had fallen in love with the 20-something version of her? Would Dean even remember her at all? She ran through her plan again in her mind again. It sounded really stupid, now. At least it would let her make a quick exit if things didn't work out, though.She broke out in a cold sweat when the house came into view. It was just as she had remembered it, maintained well, but not changed. It was like a holy place, kept perfectly through the ages in reverence for what it represented.She pulled up to the house and parked. No one emerged, so she would have to go in. She would have to go knock on that door and see the unrecognition or even disappointment in his eyes. She needed to go tell him about his sister. Opening the door, she slid out and hopped to the ground and stretched her legs. Suddenly, a braying roar filled the air and a wall of fur launched itself from behind the house and came for her. "SIT!" Karen yelled. Her command, though impressive, appeared only to be a gentle suggestion to the monster that continued to charge her. "STAY!" Karen shouted. This recommendation also appeared to go unheeded."BUSTER, NO!" a voice from the porch yelled, and Karen couldn't help but stare at her first glimpse of Dean in decades. He looked wild. Wild hair, wild beard, a body that had to be formed by the wilderness, itself. Not a drop of civilization tainted the essence of this man; and it made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Karen began walking toward him, completely forgetting about the fearsome beast avalanche coming to bury her. Dean jumped down from the porch and began running toward the flurry of fur and teeth that had bent its path upon Karen's destruction.A split second before Buster reached Karen, the passenger of her vehicle silently flew out, tackled him with a full-body slam and the two went rolling back from where Karen now stood next to Dean. The two tumbled, tearing up the grass and knocking over the woodpile in the commotion. Buster yelped loudly and jumped free of the massive shaggy-furred beast that was still intent upon teaching him some manners. "Judith, come!" Karen called, and with a final snarl at Buster, Judith returned to where Karen stood and sat by her side, still glaring to where Buster stood looking dumbfounded."Well, I'll be damned;” Dean murmured, looking at the still-cowed Buster in wonder."Girl dog privilege," Karen replied simply. "What is that thing, anyway?" she asked, nodding to where Buster now stood whining and trying to approach the growling Judith."Bernese Mountain Dog; Great Pyrenees; and probably a bit of German Shepherd;” Dean murmured, turning toward her. His eyes traveled over her slowly and boldly."Judith's Akita and Malamute; she was turned into the shelter because she always thinks she's right," Karen said. "That, and she farts something awful."

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 2Can a strange marriage survive?Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.I want you, Red. I need to make you mine; mine forever. I've never felt like this before; I know I never will again. Marry me." Cal pleaded."I;” Karen murmured, glancing around their group to make sure she wouldn't be overheard, "I don't know what to say. You're wonderful; and you've done so much for me, but this has all been so fast. We're still just getting to know each other; and half the time it doesn't even make sense to me why you would want me; but I; I just; can I just finish school?" she asked."How you can even think about school when someone like me is ready to give you everything you ever wanted, to take care of you completely, it's just crazy;” Cal murmured, sliding his hand up between her legs and brushing along the edge of her panties.Karen blushed and squeezed her thighs together, looking around embarrassed. "I just; I just worked so hard to get in. Juilliard's been my whole life for so long," she said, looking up into his eyes pleading.Cal looked at her through hooded eyes, "Keep looking at me like that and we won't be waiting for anything." His eyes heated as he pulled her closer, dominating her with a hungry kiss while she squirmed self-consciously. The couples around the table smirked as Cal grew even more bold in his explorations.When he released her, Karen hid her face in his neck as the others cheered. They were his friends, happy to see him happy. Cal glanced at a waiter nearby and gestured for more drinks for the table. The opening act on the stage below finished its last set, but the crowd refused to let the show end. Cheers filled the club, with the crowd demanding an encore.Castor, the lead singer, waited for the crowd to quiet with a grin, then his eyes drifted upward and his face lit with excitement. "Thank you, thanks guys, you're a great audience. For an encore, we'd love to give you a taste of our next album. We've been banging it out in the studio and I can't tell you how excited we are for it to be released. Problem is, it's got this insane keys part that can't be played by just anyone, but I think I see our studio angel in the audience tonight. Kare, baby; will you come help us out?" he asked, reaching upward to where Karen sat.Cal's friends turned to look at Karen in surprise. "You play? Like, for real?" Cal's friend Tony yelled across the table to her in surprise. Karen nodded in embarrassment, glancing at Cal.Everything suddenly froze as Karen rose and walked over to the table, standing over her younger self looking at Cal's face. "Look, you little dummy; look at it! It's right there!" she yelled at Young Karen."What's there?" Holland asked, craning his neck to try to see what she was yelling about."Cal, for all his big words, rich gifts, and grand gestures; he hadn't told his friends anything about me; because nothing of who I really was mattered to him. Only the things he wanted about me mattered to him ; that I was shy, and submissive, and just grateful to have someone pay attention to me. And here ; look at his face! It fell!" she yelled, gesturing to where Cal sat, leaning back in his chair."His face appears still to be attached, to me;” Holland said, doubtfully."It's just a phrase. His face didn't actually fall, but his eyes; look, he's still smiling, but you see it in his eyes. He's not happy for me. He's not happy because the moment stopped being about Cal and how he was the great boyfriend spoiling his new stupid girlfriend on her birthday. Once the moment became about me; that I was asked up on stage; that I could do something his friends admired; ugh, why didn't I see it?" she moaned."What happened?" Holland asked.Karen rubbed her eyes with her hand. "I was young. I was asked to do something. I was asked for help. I was a stupid ninny that had absolutely no ability to say 'no' without thinking the world would end; so, I went up and played with the band.""Oh; was that bad?" Holland asked."No, it wasn't bad. It was a great song. I played well and I was just tipsy enough to not feel all the eyes that were looking at me, making my skin crawl. And you know; some part of me; I wanted to do it. I wanted to show myself that I could play for people; outside a quiet studio," Karen admitted. "Everyone always went on and on about how I needed to get over being so self-conscious and how it would hold my career back. That, and part of me wanted to show Cal's friends that I was more than just another girl in the long line of girls that he had gone through; that I was worth something.""Sometimes I wish our crew would see that I was worth something more;” Holland said, ruefully."Yeah; it's hard when you're young. You're dying to show the world what you're worth, how you're special, but they mostly just need you to work hard and do as you're told," Karen sighed, looking around the club. "Some people will never see what's special about you. They see what they want and they really don't care about the rest. It's those people that see who you really are; without wanting anything from you; those are the ones you need to hang onto."Karen turned her back on the club and the room re-formed into her Newark apartment. The intercom buzzed and Dana rolled out of bed to answer it. "What's up?" she asked."Hey; um, I don't have my keys. Can you buzz me in?" Karen's voice shakily asked through the intercom. Dana frowned in confusion and pressed the button to allow her entry. Soon, she opened the door after Karen's tentative knock."What happened, Kare? I thought you'd be gone all weekend," Dana said, taking in her roommate's appearance. Karen looked unharmed, but her face was puffy and her makeup was streaked from crying and trying to wipe it away."I; uh; I played at the club tonight. Castor Graham was the opening act and he asked me to come up for the encore, so I did.""You played in front of rowdy drunk people? That's fantastic! How did it feel?" Dana asked, offering her back for Karen to lean on while she took off her heels."I was scared; but after a while it was fun. The keyboard was facing the crowd and after a while I looked out over the people and; they looked happy. They liked it. It felt good, then.""God, I wish I'd been there. I'm so proud of you! What did Cal and the entourage say?""Um; I; don't know," Karen blinked and looked around the apartment. "When, uh; when I um; when I got back to the table, they were all gone." Karen wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and cleared her throat."Wait, what?" Dana said, her tone darkening like a storm cloud, threatening imminent destruction. "Say that again. You get called up on stage to perform, you play in front of all those people; like the freakin' keyboard genius you are; and when you got back, those motherfuckers were gone?""I; I think they were gone? The table was empty from what I could see; and the, uh, the security guy; he couldn't let me into the area. He really only knew Cal, and um;” Karen choked and turned her face away, trying to breathe through it and stop herself from crying."Karen; that's not; wait, how did you even get home?" Dana asked, unzipping Karen's dress and grabbing a pair of yoga pants for her."Well, my purse and phone were gone from the table, so I couldn't call anybody and I didn't have any money;” Karen choked. "The security guy was really nice and said I could use his MetroCard if I returned it, so;”"Oh, Christ On A Crotch-Rocket!" Dana yelled, throwing a sweatshirt at Karen, who caught it and pulled it over her head. "Kare. You gotta stop dating this guy. He's a piece of shit. Trust me. I didn't know it when I sent you over there to play, but he's walking excrement;""It's probably just a misunderstand;""And believe me, I'm sure he'll come back with some half-assed explanation, because that's what they all do;""And he tells me all the time that he;""Yeah. He ‘tells ‘; you pretty stuff. He ‘buys ‘; you pretty stuff. Problem is, words and money are nothing to him. Where the hell is he when you're walking home in fuck-me club clothes from the train station and trying not to lose your virginity, huh? Kare. I know you've been through hell, but you are worth more than this. You need a guy that walks you down the sidewalk and puts himself on the traffic side; just in case, because that's who he is. You deserve that. Don't you get it?" Dana asked, taking Karen's hair down and brushing it out, gently."Cal isn't; it's probably just; something;” Karen whispered, biting her lips closed.Dana stopped brushing and wrapped her arms around her roommate, squeezing her hard. "There is real love out there, Kare; and if you don't deserve it, I don't know who does. Someday, you're going to meet a guy that actually loves you and it's going to blow your mind when the games and bullshit are gone. It's like; when a guy is in love, gravity changes for them, or something;”Holland jumped up and pointed excitedly at Dana. "She's right! When I met the Zendayans, my tongue swelled up and;""Are you listening to my story at all, or are you just fantasizing about pretty girls?" Karen huffed."Um; both?" Holland replied, smirking. "I mean, you and Dana were really pretty; and there's just one bed here, and;"Karen shot him an exasperated look and he shrank back behind the bulkhead. "Anyway;” she said.The room dissolved and re-formed, both girls sleeping in the queen-sized bed they shared, morning sunlight streaming in through the dirty window, when the buzzer sounded. "Day, c'mon time to go," a man's voice sounded from the intercom. Karen's head peered out from under the blanket and she ran over to the intercom, tripping over some bottles of wine that they (mostly Dana) had consumed the previous night, trying to rid Karen of her birthday misery."Um; she's almost ready!" Karen replied, then ran to the bed and shook her hungover roommate awake. "Day, someone's here for you; they say it's time to go."Dana grunted and turned over, away from Karen. "Go do it for me; just say you're me again," Dana grumbled into her pillow.Karen swallowed nervously, but gamely grabbed Dana's dress, quickly got ready, and ran out the door. Upon leaving the building, she stumbled into the guy waiting outside. "Um; I'm ready! I'm ready! Dana Stevens. Thanks for waiting;” she panted.The man gave her a quick considering look, then walked her to a large extended-cab pickup truck that looked ridiculously out of place on the streets of Newark. "Miss Stevens," he said, opening the passenger side door and offering his hand to help her up into the vehicle."Thanks. Thank you;” she said, precariously climbing up the runner board in her heels until she settled herself up onto the seat."Just wait there, a bit," he said, after closing the door. Walking back to the building, he selected a key from his collection, opened the building door and walked in. Not long after, he emerged from the building carrying Dana over his shoulder and carrying a bag stuffed haphazardly with clothes. Opening the door behind Karen, he dumped Dana unceremoniously into the back seat and tossed the bag of clothes on top of her. Dana, still in her pajamas, put the bag under her head and turned away from the sunlight streaming into the cab."Dean, this is Karen. Karen, my brother Dean," Dana mumbled, as she draped a pair of sweatpants over her head to block the light."Oh; um, sorry," Karen said, flushing red as she glanced over at Dean's face. "I didn't mean to; um, I'll just go;""Lock the doors, and get us out of the city, Dean. She's coming with us," Dana ordered. "She's on asshole detox!"Karen jumped as the truck's doors locked and Dean wordlessly pulled out into the street and started out. She clasped her hands in her lap nervously. She hadn't packed anything. She had no phone. She didn't have time to let Dana drag her to West Virginia for a visit. Dana had been trying to talk her into coming with her to where she had grown up with her grandparents, but in the excitement of her birthday, Karen had forgotten the trip was this week. She knew better than to say anything, though. Dana wouldn't care, and Dean; who knew what Dean Stevens the brother would think. He didn't say much, but he obviously knew better than to argue with hungover Dana, which was something they had in common."She knows where we're goin?" Dean asked, checking his mirrors as he merged onto the freeway. Dana grunted in assent. "Why ain't she singin' it, yet?" he rumbled, seemingly amused."Because She's Not A Drunk College Kid, Idiot!" Dana howled, holding her head in pain.Dean smirked and started humming "Country Roads" to himself."I hate you so much;” Dana growled, pulling the bag of clothes over her head again. Dean only laughed.After a few miles of road, Karen looked at her roommate in the back seat, and unbuckled her seatbelt. She began to turn to lean over the front seat when Dean reached over and pushed her back down and pointed at her seatbelt. "Um sorry; I just;” Karen trailed off, horrified that she had done something wrong. She couldn't finish her sentence and sat back down, blinking back tears as she put her seatbelt back on.Dean glanced over, looking her up and down for a moment. With a sigh, he put his turn signal on and pulled off the road into a gas station at the next exit. "Do what you need to do," he said, curtly.Karen jumped up, turned around and loosely buckled the seatbelt across the sleeping Dana's hips, then turned, sat down again, and buckled her seatbelt. "Thank you," she mumbled. Dean turned to the back seat where his sister continued sleeping and his face softened. He looked at Karen a second time, sitting with her hands in her lap again, clenched like she expected a tongue-lashing from him for delaying the trip. His eyes drifted down to her feet, where her cold toes were turning pink in the strappy, uncomfortable-looking heels she wore when she came running out of the apartment building on his sister's fool errand. Reaching back, he grabbed a pair of thick socks that had fallen out of the bag of clothes and tossed them to her. Smiling gratefully, Karen removed the strappy heels and pulled on the warm socks as he pulled out onto the road again.The road stretched on. The scenery gradually becoming more rural, the traffic less crowded. Karen found herself relaxing and breathing more slowly as the land passed by. She occasionally glanced at the gas gauge and compared them to the passing road signs to try to discern when they might be pulling over to refill the tank. The third time she did it, Dean shook his head. "Bedford, hon," he chuckled. "You know, you could just ask me. I might be a longshoreman, but I don't bite.""Not like Dana, then," Karen replied, biting her lips so she didn't smile."Hm. Sounds like a story," he said.Karen nodded. "The first time we met, I was waiting to audition for our agency and I was almost going to leave, I was so scared. Day asked to see what I was playing and I handed her the music. Instead of looking at it, she took my hand and bit me. Said it was 'for luck,'" Karen said, laughing to herself."It worked, too. Kare needed to get of her head. She plays better when you throw her off balance, first," Dana said, rising to a sitting position and running her fingers through her hair."Is that so?" Dean asked, looking over at Karen."Yeah. I think too much. My teacher always said I played things perfectly, but he could hear me thinking about it the whole time. Day's a true performer, though. She doesn't think at all - she plays with her feelings, and that's what an audience connects with," Karen said, smiling proudly at Dana."Thoughtlessly playing with feelings; sounds about right," Dean said, chuckling when Dana punched him in the shoulder. "Speaking of, we're coming up on Bedford. Let me know if you need anything."Dana growled at this but said nothing as Karen blinked in confusion. Soon, Dean pulled off the interstate into a gas station and up to a gas pump. Dean hopped out of the truck and began filling the tank. After noticing the bug-splattered windshield, Karen changed back into her strappy heels and walked over to where the island held the squeegee and mop. Dean watched, bemused, as she diligently scrubbed the dried carcasses of insects off the glass while dressed to the nines. Karen finished and climbed back into the truck, only to have Dana grab her shoulder and start whispering in her ear and pointing at the convenience store. Karen, appearing distressed, blushed and said something back to Dana, who gestured emphatically.Dean kept watching as Karen seemed to screw up her courage, took her purse, and walked quickly into the store. He shot his sister a flat look. Dana only grinned, stretched, and put her feet up on the front seat. Shaking his head, he followed into the store."And what would you be needing all those for, hon?" the guy at the till asked while ogling Karen, who looked like she wanted to disappear under the rug."Um; it's uh;” Karen stammered."I need to ask for state regulatory purposes," the guy continued, as he put a large box of condoms on the counter and rang it up."They're for me," Dean said, as he tossed some drinks, chips and cookies on the counter. "Uncut and hangs to the left. Anything else the state needs to know about my cock?" The till guy cleared his throat and began ringing up the additional items and bagging them without further comment. Annoyed, Dean grabbed the bagged items in one hand and took Karen's hand in the other and left the store. "You know, you don't have to do everything my little sister tells you," he said under his breath as they walked to the truck."Then why'd you buy them? Seems like you can't tell her 'no' any more than I can," Karen replied, a little surprised that she had the guts to argue with him.Dean laughed, "I don't want her knocked up any more than you do." He helped her up into the truck and tossed the bag of items to his sister.Dana went digging through the bag and retrieved the box. "Wait a minute, these are just regular. Didn't they have lubricated?" she complained. Karen swallowed uncomfortably, searching for an answer as Dean pulled her seatbelt out and buckled it around her."Don't need lubricated if the guy does his job right," Dean said, grinning at her cheerfully. "Raise your standards and you won't need so many, either.""Hum; lower yours, and maybe you'll actually need some," Dana retorted, opening the package of cookies. Karen just shrank in her seat and covered her flaming cheeks as they pulled back onto the freeway.The scenery turned into wooded hills with mountains growing in the distance. Steering down the curved roads, Dean sighed quietly, a peaceful smile on his face. Karen leaned forward in her seat, trying to see everything as it passed, excitement lighting her face. Dana had fallen asleep again.Near evening, Dean turned the truck down a long, dirt road and reached behind him to shake Dana awake. "Watch for him, Day;” he said. Dana sat up, suddenly alert and scanning the darkening woods around them."What are we looking for?" Karen asked.

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 2Can a strange marriage survive?Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.I want you, Red. I need to make you mine; mine forever. I've never felt like this before; I know I never will again. Marry me." Cal pleaded."I;” Karen murmured, glancing around their group to make sure she wouldn't be overheard, "I don't know what to say. You're wonderful; and you've done so much for me, but this has all been so fast. We're still just getting to know each other; and half the time it doesn't even make sense to me why you would want me; but I; I just; can I just finish school?" she asked."How you can even think about school when someone like me is ready to give you everything you ever wanted, to take care of you completely, it's just crazy;” Cal murmured, sliding his hand up between her legs and brushing along the edge of her panties.Karen blushed and squeezed her thighs together, looking around embarrassed. "I just; I just worked so hard to get in. Juilliard's been my whole life for so long," she said, looking up into his eyes pleading.Cal looked at her through hooded eyes, "Keep looking at me like that and we won't be waiting for anything." His eyes heated as he pulled her closer, dominating her with a hungry kiss while she squirmed self-consciously. The couples around the table smirked as Cal grew even more bold in his explorations.When he released her, Karen hid her face in his neck as the others cheered. They were his friends, happy to see him happy. Cal glanced at a waiter nearby and gestured for more drinks for the table. The opening act on the stage below finished its last set, but the crowd refused to let the show end. Cheers filled the club, with the crowd demanding an encore.Castor, the lead singer, waited for the crowd to quiet with a grin, then his eyes drifted upward and his face lit with excitement. "Thank you, thanks guys, you're a great audience. For an encore, we'd love to give you a taste of our next album. We've been banging it out in the studio and I can't tell you how excited we are for it to be released. Problem is, it's got this insane keys part that can't be played by just anyone, but I think I see our studio angel in the audience tonight. Kare, baby; will you come help us out?" he asked, reaching upward to where Karen sat.Cal's friends turned to look at Karen in surprise. "You play? Like, for real?" Cal's friend Tony yelled across the table to her in surprise. Karen nodded in embarrassment, glancing at Cal.Everything suddenly froze as Karen rose and walked over to the table, standing over her younger self looking at Cal's face. "Look, you little dummy; look at it! It's right there!" she yelled at Young Karen."What's there?" Holland asked, craning his neck to try to see what she was yelling about."Cal, for all his big words, rich gifts, and grand gestures; he hadn't told his friends anything about me; because nothing of who I really was mattered to him. Only the things he wanted about me mattered to him ; that I was shy, and submissive, and just grateful to have someone pay attention to me. And here ; look at his face! It fell!" she yelled, gesturing to where Cal sat, leaning back in his chair."His face appears still to be attached, to me;” Holland said, doubtfully."It's just a phrase. His face didn't actually fall, but his eyes; look, he's still smiling, but you see it in his eyes. He's not happy for me. He's not happy because the moment stopped being about Cal and how he was the great boyfriend spoiling his new stupid girlfriend on her birthday. Once the moment became about me; that I was asked up on stage; that I could do something his friends admired; ugh, why didn't I see it?" she moaned."What happened?" Holland asked.Karen rubbed her eyes with her hand. "I was young. I was asked to do something. I was asked for help. I was a stupid ninny that had absolutely no ability to say 'no' without thinking the world would end; so, I went up and played with the band.""Oh; was that bad?" Holland asked."No, it wasn't bad. It was a great song. I played well and I was just tipsy enough to not feel all the eyes that were looking at me, making my skin crawl. And you know; some part of me; I wanted to do it. I wanted to show myself that I could play for people; outside a quiet studio," Karen admitted. "Everyone always went on and on about how I needed to get over being so self-conscious and how it would hold my career back. That, and part of me wanted to show Cal's friends that I was more than just another girl in the long line of girls that he had gone through; that I was worth something.""Sometimes I wish our crew would see that I was worth something more;” Holland said, ruefully."Yeah; it's hard when you're young. You're dying to show the world what you're worth, how you're special, but they mostly just need you to work hard and do as you're told," Karen sighed, looking around the club. "Some people will never see what's special about you. They see what they want and they really don't care about the rest. It's those people that see who you really are; without wanting anything from you; those are the ones you need to hang onto."Karen turned her back on the club and the room re-formed into her Newark apartment. The intercom buzzed and Dana rolled out of bed to answer it. "What's up?" she asked."Hey; um, I don't have my keys. Can you buzz me in?" Karen's voice shakily asked through the intercom. Dana frowned in confusion and pressed the button to allow her entry. Soon, she opened the door after Karen's tentative knock."What happened, Kare? I thought you'd be gone all weekend," Dana said, taking in her roommate's appearance. Karen looked unharmed, but her face was puffy and her makeup was streaked from crying and trying to wipe it away."I; uh; I played at the club tonight. Castor Graham was the opening act and he asked me to come up for the encore, so I did.""You played in front of rowdy drunk people? That's fantastic! How did it feel?" Dana asked, offering her back for Karen to lean on while she took off her heels."I was scared; but after a while it was fun. The keyboard was facing the crowd and after a while I looked out over the people and; they looked happy. They liked it. It felt good, then.""God, I wish I'd been there. I'm so proud of you! What did Cal and the entourage say?""Um; I; don't know," Karen blinked and looked around the apartment. "When, uh; when I um; when I got back to the table, they were all gone." Karen wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and cleared her throat."Wait, what?" Dana said, her tone darkening like a storm cloud, threatening imminent destruction. "Say that again. You get called up on stage to perform, you play in front of all those people; like the freakin' keyboard genius you are; and when you got back, those motherfuckers were gone?""I; I think they were gone? The table was empty from what I could see; and the, uh, the security guy; he couldn't let me into the area. He really only knew Cal, and um;” Karen choked and turned her face away, trying to breathe through it and stop herself from crying."Karen; that's not; wait, how did you even get home?" Dana asked, unzipping Karen's dress and grabbing a pair of yoga pants for her."Well, my purse and phone were gone from the table, so I couldn't call anybody and I didn't have any money;” Karen choked. "The security guy was really nice and said I could use his MetroCard if I returned it, so;”"Oh, Christ On A Crotch-Rocket!" Dana yelled, throwing a sweatshirt at Karen, who caught it and pulled it over her head. "Kare. You gotta stop dating this guy. He's a piece of shit. Trust me. I didn't know it when I sent you over there to play, but he's walking excrement;""It's probably just a misunderstand;""And believe me, I'm sure he'll come back with some half-assed explanation, because that's what they all do;""And he tells me all the time that he;""Yeah. He ‘tells ‘; you pretty stuff. He ‘buys ‘; you pretty stuff. Problem is, words and money are nothing to him. Where the hell is he when you're walking home in fuck-me club clothes from the train station and trying not to lose your virginity, huh? Kare. I know you've been through hell, but you are worth more than this. You need a guy that walks you down the sidewalk and puts himself on the traffic side; just in case, because that's who he is. You deserve that. Don't you get it?" Dana asked, taking Karen's hair down and brushing it out, gently."Cal isn't; it's probably just; something;” Karen whispered, biting her lips closed.Dana stopped brushing and wrapped her arms around her roommate, squeezing her hard. "There is real love out there, Kare; and if you don't deserve it, I don't know who does. Someday, you're going to meet a guy that actually loves you and it's going to blow your mind when the games and bullshit are gone. It's like; when a guy is in love, gravity changes for them, or something;”Holland jumped up and pointed excitedly at Dana. "She's right! When I met the Zendayans, my tongue swelled up and;""Are you listening to my story at all, or are you just fantasizing about pretty girls?" Karen huffed."Um; both?" Holland replied, smirking. "I mean, you and Dana were really pretty; and there's just one bed here, and;"Karen shot him an exasperated look and he shrank back behind the bulkhead. "Anyway;” she said.The room dissolved and re-formed, both girls sleeping in the queen-sized bed they shared, morning sunlight streaming in through the dirty window, when the buzzer sounded. "Day, c'mon time to go," a man's voice sounded from the intercom. Karen's head peered out from under the blanket and she ran over to the intercom, tripping over some bottles of wine that they (mostly Dana) had consumed the previous night, trying to rid Karen of her birthday misery."Um; she's almost ready!" Karen replied, then ran to the bed and shook her hungover roommate awake. "Day, someone's here for you; they say it's time to go."Dana grunted and turned over, away from Karen. "Go do it for me; just say you're me again," Dana grumbled into her pillow.Karen swallowed nervously, but gamely grabbed Dana's dress, quickly got ready, and ran out the door. Upon leaving the building, she stumbled into the guy waiting outside. "Um; I'm ready! I'm ready! Dana Stevens. Thanks for waiting;” she panted.The man gave her a quick considering look, then walked her to a large extended-cab pickup truck that looked ridiculously out of place on the streets of Newark. "Miss Stevens," he said, opening the passenger side door and offering his hand to help her up into the vehicle."Thanks. Thank you;” she said, precariously climbing up the runner board in her heels until she settled herself up onto the seat."Just wait there, a bit," he said, after closing the door. Walking back to the building, he selected a key from his collection, opened the building door and walked in. Not long after, he emerged from the building carrying Dana over his shoulder and carrying a bag stuffed haphazardly with clothes. Opening the door behind Karen, he dumped Dana unceremoniously into the back seat and tossed the bag of clothes on top of her. Dana, still in her pajamas, put the bag under her head and turned away from the sunlight streaming into the cab."Dean, this is Karen. Karen, my brother Dean," Dana mumbled, as she draped a pair of sweatpants over her head to block the light."Oh; um, sorry," Karen said, flushing red as she glanced over at Dean's face. "I didn't mean to; um, I'll just go;""Lock the doors, and get us out of the city, Dean. She's coming with us," Dana ordered. "She's on asshole detox!"Karen jumped as the truck's doors locked and Dean wordlessly pulled out into the street and started out. She clasped her hands in her lap nervously. She hadn't packed anything. She had no phone. She didn't have time to let Dana drag her to West Virginia for a visit. Dana had been trying to talk her into coming with her to where she had grown up with her grandparents, but in the excitement of her birthday, Karen had forgotten the trip was this week. She knew better than to say anything, though. Dana wouldn't care, and Dean; who knew what Dean Stevens the brother would think. He didn't say much, but he obviously knew better than to argue with hungover Dana, which was something they had in common."She knows where we're goin?" Dean asked, checking his mirrors as he merged onto the freeway. Dana grunted in assent. "Why ain't she singin' it, yet?" he rumbled, seemingly amused."Because She's Not A Drunk College Kid, Idiot!" Dana howled, holding her head in pain.Dean smirked and started humming "Country Roads" to himself."I hate you so much;” Dana growled, pulling the bag of clothes over her head again. Dean only laughed.After a few miles of road, Karen looked at her roommate in the back seat, and unbuckled her seatbelt. She began to turn to lean over the front seat when Dean reached over and pushed her back down and pointed at her seatbelt. "Um sorry; I just;” Karen trailed off, horrified that she had done something wrong. She couldn't finish her sentence and sat back down, blinking back tears as she put her seatbelt back on.Dean glanced over, looking her up and down for a moment. With a sigh, he put his turn signal on and pulled off the road into a gas station at the next exit. "Do what you need to do," he said, curtly.Karen jumped up, turned around and loosely buckled the seatbelt across the sleeping Dana's hips, then turned, sat down again, and buckled her seatbelt. "Thank you," she mumbled. Dean turned to the back seat where his sister continued sleeping and his face softened. He looked at Karen a second time, sitting with her hands in her lap again, clenched like she expected a tongue-lashing from him for delaying the trip. His eyes drifted down to her feet, where her cold toes were turning pink in the strappy, uncomfortable-looking heels she wore when she came running out of the apartment building on his sister's fool errand. Reaching back, he grabbed a pair of thick socks that had fallen out of the bag of clothes and tossed them to her. Smiling gratefully, Karen removed the strappy heels and pulled on the warm socks as he pulled out onto the road again.The road stretched on. The scenery gradually becoming more rural, the traffic less crowded. Karen found herself relaxing and breathing more slowly as the land passed by. She occasionally glanced at the gas gauge and compared them to the passing road signs to try to discern when they might be pulling over to refill the tank. The third time she did it, Dean shook his head. "Bedford, hon," he chuckled. "You know, you could just ask me. I might be a longshoreman, but I don't bite.""Not like Dana, then," Karen replied, biting her lips so she didn't smile."Hm. Sounds like a story," he said.Karen nodded. "The first time we met, I was waiting to audition for our agency and I was almost going to leave, I was so scared. Day asked to see what I was playing and I handed her the music. Instead of looking at it, she took my hand and bit me. Said it was 'for luck,'" Karen said, laughing to herself."It worked, too. Kare needed to get of her head. She plays better when you throw her off balance, first," Dana said, rising to a sitting position and running her fingers through her hair."Is that so?" Dean asked, looking over at Karen."Yeah. I think too much. My teacher always said I played things perfectly, but he could hear me thinking about it the whole time. Day's a true performer, though. She doesn't think at all - she plays with her feelings, and that's what an audience connects with," Karen said, smiling proudly at Dana."Thoughtlessly playing with feelings; sounds about right," Dean said, chuckling when Dana punched him in the shoulder. "Speaking of, we're coming up on Bedford. Let me know if you need anything."Dana growled at this but said nothing as Karen blinked in confusion. Soon, Dean pulled off the interstate into a gas station and up to a gas pump. Dean hopped out of the truck and began filling the tank. After noticing the bug-splattered windshield, Karen changed back into her strappy heels and walked over to where the island held the squeegee and mop. Dean watched, bemused, as she diligently scrubbed the dried carcasses of insects off the glass while dressed to the nines. Karen finished and climbed back into the truck, only to have Dana grab her shoulder and start whispering in her ear and pointing at the convenience store. Karen, appearing distressed, blushed and said something back to Dana, who gestured emphatically.Dean kept watching as Karen seemed to screw up her courage, took her purse, and walked quickly into the store. He shot his sister a flat look. Dana only grinned, stretched, and put her feet up on the front seat. Shaking his head, he followed into the store."And what would you be needing all those for, hon?" the guy at the till asked while ogling Karen, who looked like she wanted to disappear under the rug."Um; it's uh;” Karen stammered."I need to ask for state regulatory purposes," the guy continued, as he put a large box of condoms on the counter and rang it up."They're for me," Dean said, as he tossed some drinks, chips and cookies on the counter. "Uncut and hangs to the left. Anything else the state needs to know about my cock?" The till guy cleared his throat and began ringing up the additional items and bagging them without further comment. Annoyed, Dean grabbed the bagged items in one hand and took Karen's hand in the other and left the store. "You know, you don't have to do everything my little sister tells you," he said under his breath as they walked to the truck."Then why'd you buy them? Seems like you can't tell her 'no' any more than I can," Karen replied, a little surprised that she had the guts to argue with him.Dean laughed, "I don't want her knocked up any more than you do." He helped her up into the truck and tossed the bag of items to his sister.Dana went digging through the bag and retrieved the box. "Wait a minute, these are just regular. Didn't they have lubricated?" she complained. Karen swallowed uncomfortably, searching for an answer as Dean pulled her seatbelt out and buckled it around her."Don't need lubricated if the guy does his job right," Dean said, grinning at her cheerfully. "Raise your standards and you won't need so many, either.""Hum; lower yours, and maybe you'll actually need some," Dana retorted, opening the package of cookies. Karen just shrank in her seat and covered her flaming cheeks as they pulled back onto the freeway.The scenery turned into wooded hills with mountains growing in the distance. Steering down the curved roads, Dean sighed quietly, a peaceful smile on his face. Karen leaned forward in her seat, trying to see everything as it passed, excitement lighting her face. Dana had fallen asleep again.Near evening, Dean turned the truck down a long, dirt road and reached behind him to shake Dana awake. "Watch for him, Day;” he said. Dana sat up, suddenly alert and scanning the darkening woods around them."What are we looking for?" Karen asked.

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 1Desperate aliens kidnap a Karen to save their world!Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the starship Onan, the Priamites dubiously watched the screen display the creature. Dr. Fehr's algorithm had brought them trekking across the galaxy to a smallish, blue planet around an unimpressive star. While there was no denying the power emitted by the angry, festering organic matter before them, the thought of containing it and bringing it back to Priam was daunting. Still, the fate of their world hung upon the success of their mission."Do we have; uh; audio yet, Lieutenant Cavill?" Captain Hemsworth said, pausing briefly to joylessly ejaculate into his cumsuit, which quickly reclaimed the essence he emitted and channeled it into one of the suit's containment pouches to be resorbed as nourishment.Ever since the people of Eros had unleashed their horrific weapon on them, the Priamites orgasmed almost constantly. The Eros Curse, which seemed like a gift at first, became a tool of enslavement and oppression as the great Priam civilization devolved into listless people who passed the time sitting and staring at nothing in particular. Even special holidays were simply spent gathered in each other's' houses, grunting intermittently. The children of Priam, spared by the curse of Eros by living in growth pods, were never exposed to the disease or its effects until the seemingly arbitrary age of 18, so at least there was no trouble with the censors. The demands of orgasming so frequently took its toll on the Priamite's bodies. Dehydration, muscle spasms, and fatigue were common. The effects on the mind were worse. It wasn't until the invention of the cumsuit, which not only reclaimed the fluid loss and prevented dehydration, but also reduced arousing sensations until the wearer was nearly numb, that it was possible for them to journey out into the stars in search of a cure.Guided by the ancient journals of the revered Dr. Fehr, the Priamites had come to a small planet where it was foretold that there was a force of great and terrible power. It was hoped that this force could be used to break free of the cruel Eros Curse, but time was running out. Even wearing the cumsuits, the crew of the Onan, who were the most stoic, intellectual and sexless men of Priam, felt themselves progressively weakening to the Curse. It was only a matter of time until they lost all sense of duty and simply went adrift through the universe."No audio yet, Captain. The resonant frequency is so shrill that if we don't modulate the pitch; uh;” Lieutenant Cavill replied, closing his eyes and shaking as he orgasmed, then collapsed and stared blankly at the control panels as he recovered.Another crewman took over at the panel, "Captain, I can give you audio, but only for a short time. Even on their planet, they; they; oh; oh fuck;” the replacement said, stiffening as he spurted inside his suit, then shook his head to clear it and looked to their leader for orders. Captain Hemsworth braced himself in his chair and nodded for him to activate audio.A horrendous braying screech filled the bridge, “ No Idea Why You People Can't Even Take An Order Right! I Ordered The Cobb Salad With Extra Avocado! I Don't Care If It's Not On There Or Not! Fix The Damn Menu! I Have Been Coming Here For Over 15 Years And I Know For A Fact That You People Had Cobb Salad On There Two Years Ago When You Were Called Baker's Pie;"Another voice interjected, soft and conciliatory, "Oh, yes, ma'am; I see the confusion. The Baker's Pie that was here went out of business. This restaurant is Snooker's, now, so we don't have the same menu, but our club salad is very similar to;""Are You Actually Interrupting Me? Get. Me. A. Cobb. Salad. Extra Avocado! Do You Understand? Extra Avocado! Mucho Amortado! Comprendo Estupido?"Even in that short interlude, most of the Onan's bridge crew had begun bleeding from their ears and collapsing onto the deck. Captain Hemsworth, a man of rare tolerance and stamina, struggled past their unconscious bodies to the control panel and lowered the volume until it was barely audible. "Computer, disburse caffeline into bridge life support systems, 15 parts per million," he mumbled, leaning on the control panel for support as the strong stimulant hissed into the room. He didn't like to use the drug, because the heightened energy it gave often led to periods of prolonged involuntary masturbation, but he couldn't afford to waste time for the crewmen to awaken naturally. Not when conditions were so dire on Priam.Lieutenant Cavill groaned and rose weakly, climbing back into his console chair and checking the readings. "What happened, Captain? Our scans showed a primitive civilization on the planet without any meaningful defenses. What was that? Some kind of weapon?" he asked.Captain Hemsworth did a double-take at the crewman in wonder, but he said nothing. All around him, he watched the rest of the crew slowly getting to their feet and going back to their positions. All the men were alert, aware, and focused on their duties. Several of them were talking to each other; in full uninterrupted sentences. No one drooled, no one's eyes rolled back; not one of them stared off into space, as if dully re-living the curse that had infected their brains. He, himself, had not even felt the urge to sexually relieve himself once, even with the high levels of caffeline in the air. Indeed, he had not felt anything below the waist; not since he heard that voice. He doubted whether he would have the urge to orgasm ever again. They had finally done it."That was no weapon, Cavill; it is what we came here to find. It's the cure that Dr. Fehr told us was here all along. Contact High Command and tell them; tell them we found it. Tell them we have found; The Karen.The man-eating woman.After straightening out the incompetent waiter on her order, Karen Carmichael excused herself from her prayer group's table and walked to the restrooms, incensed. What kind of man actually cries when taking an order for a salad? Probably gay; or whatever kids were calling themselves these days. Was there such a thing as "gay" anymore, when people "identified" themselves as whatever the hell occurred to them? What was the point of picking a sexuality when people didn't even have a species anymore?Of course, Travis the Waiter had to play the victim about it, too, making the entire restaurant gawk over at their table like they were monsters. He probably knew they were a nice church group and went out of his way to make trouble. Sure, they all scream for "tolerance," but their types couldn't wait to attack nice people of faith like her who showed the world what it was to be decent and pure of heart. Well, he could just kiss his tip money goodbye! Tipping had gotten ridiculous anyway; a generation of whiny babies feeling entitled to extra money just for doing their jobs. ‘If ‘; they did their jobs. She couldn't even get a salad; and, by God, if the Manager didn't make things right, her Yelp review on this place would burn a hole through people's screens!Karen pushed on the door to the restroom tightly clutching her can of pepper spray, because sexual predators were always trying to rape women like her in public restrooms, and she nearly screamed when the door opened. Wet paper towels were everywhere. The garbage bin was overflowing, and some slob had splashed water all over the sink area! Now, she'd have to make the Manager take care of this, too! More drama, when she just wanted to have a nice lunch with her friends. And, of course, the Manager would just try to ‘handle ‘; her; as if she was some unreasonable bitch just for wanting to use a facility that wasn't absolutely disgusting! Then looking near her, but not at her, the Manager would apologize in that fake-nice voice and offer to comp her meal; offering her even more of what was bad in the first place. Managers and their fake apologies. They weren't sorry. The soulless jerks never meant it. They just wanted her to go away; acting like she was a scamming thief instead of someone who just wanted to be treated decently.She settled on the toilet and tried to calm herself. Lately, half the time she wanted to cry, or scream, or tear out her hair; but it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change. Everything changed around her, though. Menus; her children; hairstyles; prices; everything changed. It felt like everything had just left her behind. She looked everywhere for the things she used to love, but she couldn't find them anymore; and if she did find them, they weren't the same as they once were. Nothing made her feel her joy like she used to. That was it. Maybe she was done; that her turn at having any real joy was over. Now, the only time anyone tried to make her happy, or even looked at her, was when she screamed at them.Karen opened her eyes to a rattling sound at the door of her long, handicapped-bathroom stall. "Occupied!" she called out. To her dismay, the dial holding the sliding bolt turned all by itself and the door unlocked. "Hey! Get out!" she yelled, grabbing her pepper spray and holding it in front of her while she tried to stand and pull up her yoga pants."Nice human; good human;” a vaguely disembodied male voice said as a dark, hooded figure in a bizarre form-fitting spacesuit stepped into her stall holding what looked like a staff with a flexible loop affixed to the end of it. It slowly stepped toward her, as cautiously as one might approach a spooked animal. "Human want a nice piece of kale? Yes you do! Yes you do! Who's a good human?" it asked, holding out a curly dark green leaf to her and shaking it temptingly."What the hell?" she yelled, fumbling with the pepper spray can and trying to figure out how to make it work, just as the loop at the end of the staff went down over her head and around her neck, cinching tight.Karen choked, clutching at the loop with one hand, trying to loosen it so she could breathe, and with the other she emptied the can of pepper spray into the hooded face of her attacker. She struggled wildly, but the staff with the loop effectively controlled her and prevented her from landing any punches or kicks on her attacker. As darkness started creeping in on her vision, the last thing she saw was the figure deeply inhale the cloud of pepper spray and hold its breath, then say in a choked voice, "Ready for transport, sir; and man, they've got some good shit down here;”The forgotten leaf of kale fell down next to where Karen's cheek was pressed against the filthy bathroom floor, and with what she feared was her dying breath she choked out, "I want; to see; the; Manager;”Karen's ne victim."I used kale, Sir. Worked like a charm. It's one of the most nutritionally dense materials on the planet, so naturally, it was irresistible," a larger Priamite said to Captain Hemsworth, as he stripped out of his protective suit in a small enclave, bathed in an undulating light.Captain Hemsworth nodded. "Good work, Commander Momoa. Decontaminate for a full four cycles and I want protective measures in place for all personnel. God knows what this thing is capable of when it wakes."Karen heard garbled voices nearby, but kept her eyes closed and tried to steady her breathing. What had happened? The air smelled odd; almost crackling with ozone and energy, like a storm coming. The ambient sounds of the room told her she was not in Snookers anymore. Probably human traffickers. She saw a whole show about it. The bastards kidnapped her and were going to sell her into sexual slavery; except that she wasn't a teenager. She was 51 years old. Nobody would pay for sex with her, much less risk a felony conviction for it. Any ransom demands sent to her husband were going to have disappointing results, as well. So, what was going on? Why was she here? The kids were in college and wouldn't even notice she was gone until Christmas came. Her friends; her passive-aggressive competitors, if she was being honest; they'd just assume she left in a huff and stiffed them on the lunch check. The cold, hard truth was: nobody cared about her anymore and she knew it. That meant, if she was going to get out of this, she would have to do it herself. Her cheek hurt where it had hit that disgusting bathroom floor and she reached her hand up to touch it. The voices yelped in alarm and Karen opened her eyes to see two figures backing away from the enclosure she was imprisoned in."Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my purse?" she yelled, pushing herself to her feet. She walked toward them, crossing her arms and glaring. "I want whoever is in charge over here right now! I mean it!" she yelled, pointing as she walked toward them. One of the figures screamed, clutched at his ears and doubled over, staggering around the room dramatically. The other, larger one she recognized from the restaurant bathroom was in some tanning-booth-looking-thing, half naked and gorgeous in a likely-sexual-predator kind of way. Rather than flailing around the room, he seemed to have gone into a catatonic trance. God, people were useless. "You! Himbo!" she shouted, pointing at him. "Where is my purse? Did you even think to get it when you kidnapped me, or am I going to miss my Ozempic shot? I hope to God you assholes have good lawyers!"The beefy kidnapper in the tanning booth wobbled, then vomited loudly. Karen snorted as he slid down to the floor, unconscious. Pathetic. The smaller figure dove toward a panel on the wall next to her enclosure and pressed a few buttons and she heard the ambient noise of her room change, like it was encased, somehow."I've muted it. It's become even stronger than before;” Captain Hemsworth gasped, helping Commander Momoa to his feet again."How are we going to get it back to Priam? We could choke it out again every time it awakens; give the privilege out as a reward to the crew?" Commander Momoa suggested eagerly."No," Captain Hemsworth said, coming closer to the force field separating him from the angry Karen still yelling and pointing from inside the enclosure. "The cumulative effects of throttling it constantly might affect its functioning. We need The Karen at full power if we are to rescue Priam. We need to keep it conscious. We must feed it, provide it breathing gasses, and keep it clean; it appears to be constantly decaying. That reminds me ; cleaning duty goes to Ensign Holland. He's still on my shit list after the incident with the Zendayans.""Aye, sir."Captain Hemsworth cleared his throat and pressed another button on the side panel. "Hail Karen, bringer of blessed flaccidity, destroyer of abhorrent lust, and banisher of all erotic thought. We are men of the planet Priam. We mean you no harm. We come to you seeking aid, and we come in peace. Actually, until we found you, we would come almost constantly. It was disgusting. Everything was sticky. You see, our enemies from Eros sent us the most perfect pornographic images disguised in an innocent-looking email attachment. Once they were seen, they could not be unseen. They were burned into our brains, cursing us with perpetual arousal. The first wave of Priamites were taken by surprise once they activated the link. The next wave fell victim when the first wave posted the link on their social media because it was just so unbelievably; anyway, after the rest of our population fell out of curiosity or boredom, our civilization was nearly destroyed. We have been searching the stars for a cure, but to no avail. Then, just as all hope seemed lost, we found you; we heard your voice; and our loins finally withered. You are now a guest on my ship, The Onan, en route to my homeworld Priam. There, we will deliver your noxious, strident sounds to everyone, freeing them from their intransigent arousal. Then, after we are assured that all have been cured, we shall return you to your home."At this, Karen made an unpleasant face and began breathing on the clear wall of her enclosure, fogging it. Then, she quickly wrote a short message. "What does it mean?" Commander Momoa said, squinting at the squiggling lines she had made.At this, the computer made a chirp and began speaking, "The message, from the American dialect of the language English translates to: Why didn't you just make a recording?"Captain Hemsworth's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Commander Momoa's eyes went wide and he clapped his hand over his face in exasperation. "Fuck;” Momoa said in realization. "A recording;”"Dammit. We didn't have to take her at all, did we?" Captain Hemsworth groaned.Karen glared at them and wrote another word on the wall. As certain as Captain Hemsworth was that he did not need or want the translation, the computer was already on the job. "'Dumbasses,'" the computer cheerfully intoned, "a colloquial phrase, plural of the insult 'dumbass,' meaning 'a foolish or stupid person.'""End translation. Yes, Karen, if we had thought to record your voice instead of kidnapping you, this might have been a much shorter story, and considerably less inconvenient, but as it is, we are closer to Priam than Earth at this point, and our course is set. We will bring you to Priam and then return you home. Perhaps kidnapping you was not the most well-considered solution, but I defy you to think clearly after constantly watching porn for eons and let me know if you do any better."Karen's new calling.Great; as if getting old wasn't insult enough, I've actually become an intergalactic sexual repellent, Karen thought to herself as she paced around her cell. A lifetime of trying to do things right, and this is what it gets me. She wasn't so surprised that there were aliens in the universe, or that they had somehow weaponized porn, but that with all their advancements they were still so stupid!Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened to the ambient sounds of her cell. Life had been so noisy, the last 30 years. Everyone needing her, pulling on her for one thing or another. No peace. Lately though, with the kids gone and Cal; otherwise occupied; life had gone silent. The silence that she had wished for held no peace when it finally came. It just reverberated with the memory of things that had left her behind, making her anxious to fill the emptiness with noise. Nothing came to lure her mind away from the silence, no pleasurable temptations; her duties were done and it felt wrong to do, or even think about, anything else. My god, she had been kidnapped, was flying through the galaxy, and was surrounded by beefcake aliens and she was still thinking about that stupid loose tile in the master bathroom; she needed to get it fixed before the house was sold.A slight sound outside her cell drew her attention. "Who's there?" Karen asked, softly, opening her eyes.A wide-eyed figure peered around the edge of her cell, moving with cautious curiosity. It seemed younger than the other ones. It moved with a sense of barely-restrained eagerness, adorable and earnest. It also held a curved sort of wand in its hand."Honey, if you're here to anally probe me, I'll pass. I already had a colonoscopy this year, I'll have them send you the records;” she murmured, not expecting an answer.After a pause as the figure listened to the translation, its large eyes got even wider. "Is that how you poop?" he asked."What?" she asked, looking more closely at the young alien."I'm supposed to clean your cell when you poop; but you haven't pooped yet; wait, do colonoscopies make you poop?" it asked, scandalized.Karen closed her eyes and shook her head, "No. Colonoscopies put a small camera up your ass so that we can pay a doctor to do what we were afraid aliens like you would do to us if we got drunk in cornfields too much. They don't make us poop. In fact; well, never mind;” she trailed off, embarrassed.She still had vivid memories of her first colonoscopy earlier in the year, drinking gallons of preparatory laxatives, and the resulting quality time with her phone on the toilet. It was an odd experience; not awful, but not one that she could talk to anyone about. Her friends only talked about their kids and their successes, or whose husband cheated on them with some young thing, viciously salivating over their friends' misery with barely concealed glee. Forget about talking through her fears about it with Cal; that wasn't something he was interested in. Not anymore.After the procedure, she had been scared and disoriented from the sedation. For whatever reason, Cal hadn't shown up to give her a ride home. The stupid clinic wouldn't let her leave until someone could drive her home and take care of her. She just sat there getting more and more anxious. Eventually, she called an Uber and begged Xabiib the driver to pretend to be her neighbor; or just someone who cared about her. She spent the ride home trying to say his name correctly while he chuckled and repeated it for her. It was so horrifyingly embarrassing. It's one thing to have no one care about you, but another thing to have the whole world know about it when you were helpless and confused.Tears had rolled down her cheeks and she absently wiped them off with her hand. The young alien sat up and craned his head to look at the liquid on her hand. Karen snorted, "At ease, Holland. It's not poop. You're not getting anything out of me unless you have some heavy-duty magnesium supplements or yogurt."Holland's eyes went wide, "Are humans telepathic???" he gasped. "How did you know my name? Wow, that's so cool! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?"Karen suppressed a smile. Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers to her temples and swayed from side to side, mysteriously. "I see something; something in the mist; something about; could it be; no, it makes no sense. Is it; a Zen; Zendayan? Does that make any sense to you?" she asked.Holland dropped his curved instrument in shock. "Yes! Yes! We just met them! We negotiated with them for supplies! I was there to carry stuff and; and;” he paused, shrinking in on himself a bit. "They are so beautiful. The Zendayans? So beautiful; and super nice; and just; like wow; I was supposed to just stand there until they were done with the talking and bowing and stuff, but they were just like so beautiful.""Well, what happened?" Karen asked."Captain introduced me and I bowed to them. I was feeling dizzy because, you know, their beautifulness just keeps radiating off them. Then; then; the most beautiful of them; she smiled." Holland stared at nothing, immersed in the memory, then wobbled, tipped over, and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.Karen bit her lips in amusement. "I see. What did you do then?""I; I; I started talking and then I just couldn't stop because I was just trying to say how beautiful she was and how it just made my mind explode when she smiled and then I might have peed on the floor.""Oh dear," Karen said, cringing in sympathy. "We don't always put forward the face we want to when we are in our feelings, do we?" she said, quietly."Yeah; I've been cleaning poop ever since;” Holland sighed. After a while he sat back up, picked up the curved instrument and began twirling it in his hands. "So, like; what about you? Have you always made horrible noises?" he asked.Karen huffed, but then she saw the oblivious earnestness in Holland's face and sighed. "No; I wasn't always; like this. In fact, until about 30 years ago, I made beautiful noises. I was a pianist," she said."But, wait, they said you were a female;” Holland said, confused."Pee, an, ist," Karen repeated slowly. "I played the piano. It's an instrument; I was a musician. I was a student at Juilliard. It's a school on Earth; it was like a dream to even get in. I was on a scholarship, living in this shoddy apartment with my roommate Dana;” she trailed off, thinking about those days when everything seemed possible."Wait! Are you remembering?" Holland asked, breaking her reverie. "Can I remember it, too? Nobody wants to remember with me ever since the Zendayans, so I'm just left with my own memories and it gets so boring.""What are you talking about?""Well, it's kinda like; um; let me just show you. Computer, scan The Karen and project her memories," Holland ordered. A humming noise filled the room and a beam of light shot out of the wall and passed over her several times. Suddenly, her cell transformed into her shoddy apartment in Newark, New Jersey."Oh my gosh; it's just like it," Karen gasped looking around."Humans dream of getting into this?" Holland said, scrutinizing a cockroach scurrying along the floor."No, silly. This was our apartment across the river. We lived here when we weren't at school. Dana and I moved off campus in our second year. We took jobs on the side through an agency. That was when;” she sat down and a phone in the apartment's bedroom began ringing.A long, pale arm reached out of a pile of blankets on the bed and grabbed the phone. "Hullo?" Dana mumbled. A voice on the phone sounded irate. "Yeah, I'm almost there," she said and hung up.

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 1Desperate aliens kidnap a Karen to save their world!Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the starship Onan, the Priamites dubiously watched the screen display the creature. Dr. Fehr's algorithm had brought them trekking across the galaxy to a smallish, blue planet around an unimpressive star. While there was no denying the power emitted by the angry, festering organic matter before them, the thought of containing it and bringing it back to Priam was daunting. Still, the fate of their world hung upon the success of their mission."Do we have; uh; audio yet, Lieutenant Cavill?" Captain Hemsworth said, pausing briefly to joylessly ejaculate into his cumsuit, which quickly reclaimed the essence he emitted and channeled it into one of the suit's containment pouches to be resorbed as nourishment.Ever since the people of Eros had unleashed their horrific weapon on them, the Priamites orgasmed almost constantly. The Eros Curse, which seemed like a gift at first, became a tool of enslavement and oppression as the great Priam civilization devolved into listless people who passed the time sitting and staring at nothing in particular. Even special holidays were simply spent gathered in each other's' houses, grunting intermittently. The children of Priam, spared by the curse of Eros by living in growth pods, were never exposed to the disease or its effects until the seemingly arbitrary age of 18, so at least there was no trouble with the censors. The demands of orgasming so frequently took its toll on the Priamite's bodies. Dehydration, muscle spasms, and fatigue were common. The effects on the mind were worse. It wasn't until the invention of the cumsuit, which not only reclaimed the fluid loss and prevented dehydration, but also reduced arousing sensations until the wearer was nearly numb, that it was possible for them to journey out into the stars in search of a cure.Guided by the ancient journals of the revered Dr. Fehr, the Priamites had come to a small planet where it was foretold that there was a force of great and terrible power. It was hoped that this force could be used to break free of the cruel Eros Curse, but time was running out. Even wearing the cumsuits, the crew of the Onan, who were the most stoic, intellectual and sexless men of Priam, felt themselves progressively weakening to the Curse. It was only a matter of time until they lost all sense of duty and simply went adrift through the universe."No audio yet, Captain. The resonant frequency is so shrill that if we don't modulate the pitch; uh;” Lieutenant Cavill replied, closing his eyes and shaking as he orgasmed, then collapsed and stared blankly at the control panels as he recovered.Another crewman took over at the panel, "Captain, I can give you audio, but only for a short time. Even on their planet, they; they; oh; oh fuck;” the replacement said, stiffening as he spurted inside his suit, then shook his head to clear it and looked to their leader for orders. Captain Hemsworth braced himself in his chair and nodded for him to activate audio.A horrendous braying screech filled the bridge, “ No Idea Why You People Can't Even Take An Order Right! I Ordered The Cobb Salad With Extra Avocado! I Don't Care If It's Not On There Or Not! Fix The Damn Menu! I Have Been Coming Here For Over 15 Years And I Know For A Fact That You People Had Cobb Salad On There Two Years Ago When You Were Called Baker's Pie;"Another voice interjected, soft and conciliatory, "Oh, yes, ma'am; I see the confusion. The Baker's Pie that was here went out of business. This restaurant is Snooker's, now, so we don't have the same menu, but our club salad is very similar to;""Are You Actually Interrupting Me? Get. Me. A. Cobb. Salad. Extra Avocado! Do You Understand? Extra Avocado! Mucho Amortado! Comprendo Estupido?"Even in that short interlude, most of the Onan's bridge crew had begun bleeding from their ears and collapsing onto the deck. Captain Hemsworth, a man of rare tolerance and stamina, struggled past their unconscious bodies to the control panel and lowered the volume until it was barely audible. "Computer, disburse caffeline into bridge life support systems, 15 parts per million," he mumbled, leaning on the control panel for support as the strong stimulant hissed into the room. He didn't like to use the drug, because the heightened energy it gave often led to periods of prolonged involuntary masturbation, but he couldn't afford to waste time for the crewmen to awaken naturally. Not when conditions were so dire on Priam.Lieutenant Cavill groaned and rose weakly, climbing back into his console chair and checking the readings. "What happened, Captain? Our scans showed a primitive civilization on the planet without any meaningful defenses. What was that? Some kind of weapon?" he asked.Captain Hemsworth did a double-take at the crewman in wonder, but he said nothing. All around him, he watched the rest of the crew slowly getting to their feet and going back to their positions. All the men were alert, aware, and focused on their duties. Several of them were talking to each other; in full uninterrupted sentences. No one drooled, no one's eyes rolled back; not one of them stared off into space, as if dully re-living the curse that had infected their brains. He, himself, had not even felt the urge to sexually relieve himself once, even with the high levels of caffeline in the air. Indeed, he had not felt anything below the waist; not since he heard that voice. He doubted whether he would have the urge to orgasm ever again. They had finally done it."That was no weapon, Cavill; it is what we came here to find. It's the cure that Dr. Fehr told us was here all along. Contact High Command and tell them; tell them we found it. Tell them we have found; The Karen.The man-eating woman.After straightening out the incompetent waiter on her order, Karen Carmichael excused herself from her prayer group's table and walked to the restrooms, incensed. What kind of man actually cries when taking an order for a salad? Probably gay; or whatever kids were calling themselves these days. Was there such a thing as "gay" anymore, when people "identified" themselves as whatever the hell occurred to them? What was the point of picking a sexuality when people didn't even have a species anymore?Of course, Travis the Waiter had to play the victim about it, too, making the entire restaurant gawk over at their table like they were monsters. He probably knew they were a nice church group and went out of his way to make trouble. Sure, they all scream for "tolerance," but their types couldn't wait to attack nice people of faith like her who showed the world what it was to be decent and pure of heart. Well, he could just kiss his tip money goodbye! Tipping had gotten ridiculous anyway; a generation of whiny babies feeling entitled to extra money just for doing their jobs. ‘If ‘; they did their jobs. She couldn't even get a salad; and, by God, if the Manager didn't make things right, her Yelp review on this place would burn a hole through people's screens!Karen pushed on the door to the restroom tightly clutching her can of pepper spray, because sexual predators were always trying to rape women like her in public restrooms, and she nearly screamed when the door opened. Wet paper towels were everywhere. The garbage bin was overflowing, and some slob had splashed water all over the sink area! Now, she'd have to make the Manager take care of this, too! More drama, when she just wanted to have a nice lunch with her friends. And, of course, the Manager would just try to ‘handle ‘; her; as if she was some unreasonable bitch just for wanting to use a facility that wasn't absolutely disgusting! Then looking near her, but not at her, the Manager would apologize in that fake-nice voice and offer to comp her meal; offering her even more of what was bad in the first place. Managers and their fake apologies. They weren't sorry. The soulless jerks never meant it. They just wanted her to go away; acting like she was a scamming thief instead of someone who just wanted to be treated decently.She settled on the toilet and tried to calm herself. Lately, half the time she wanted to cry, or scream, or tear out her hair; but it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change. Everything changed around her, though. Menus; her children; hairstyles; prices; everything changed. It felt like everything had just left her behind. She looked everywhere for the things she used to love, but she couldn't find them anymore; and if she did find them, they weren't the same as they once were. Nothing made her feel her joy like she used to. That was it. Maybe she was done; that her turn at having any real joy was over. Now, the only time anyone tried to make her happy, or even looked at her, was when she screamed at them.Karen opened her eyes to a rattling sound at the door of her long, handicapped-bathroom stall. "Occupied!" she called out. To her dismay, the dial holding the sliding bolt turned all by itself and the door unlocked. "Hey! Get out!" she yelled, grabbing her pepper spray and holding it in front of her while she tried to stand and pull up her yoga pants."Nice human; good human;” a vaguely disembodied male voice said as a dark, hooded figure in a bizarre form-fitting spacesuit stepped into her stall holding what looked like a staff with a flexible loop affixed to the end of it. It slowly stepped toward her, as cautiously as one might approach a spooked animal. "Human want a nice piece of kale? Yes you do! Yes you do! Who's a good human?" it asked, holding out a curly dark green leaf to her and shaking it temptingly."What the hell?" she yelled, fumbling with the pepper spray can and trying to figure out how to make it work, just as the loop at the end of the staff went down over her head and around her neck, cinching tight.Karen choked, clutching at the loop with one hand, trying to loosen it so she could breathe, and with the other she emptied the can of pepper spray into the hooded face of her attacker. She struggled wildly, but the staff with the loop effectively controlled her and prevented her from landing any punches or kicks on her attacker. As darkness started creeping in on her vision, the last thing she saw was the figure deeply inhale the cloud of pepper spray and hold its breath, then say in a choked voice, "Ready for transport, sir; and man, they've got some good shit down here;”The forgotten leaf of kale fell down next to where Karen's cheek was pressed against the filthy bathroom floor, and with what she feared was her dying breath she choked out, "I want; to see; the; Manager;”Karen's ne victim."I used kale, Sir. Worked like a charm. It's one of the most nutritionally dense materials on the planet, so naturally, it was irresistible," a larger Priamite said to Captain Hemsworth, as he stripped out of his protective suit in a small enclave, bathed in an undulating light.Captain Hemsworth nodded. "Good work, Commander Momoa. Decontaminate for a full four cycles and I want protective measures in place for all personnel. God knows what this thing is capable of when it wakes."Karen heard garbled voices nearby, but kept her eyes closed and tried to steady her breathing. What had happened? The air smelled odd; almost crackling with ozone and energy, like a storm coming. The ambient sounds of the room told her she was not in Snookers anymore. Probably human traffickers. She saw a whole show about it. The bastards kidnapped her and were going to sell her into sexual slavery; except that she wasn't a teenager. She was 51 years old. Nobody would pay for sex with her, much less risk a felony conviction for it. Any ransom demands sent to her husband were going to have disappointing results, as well. So, what was going on? Why was she here? The kids were in college and wouldn't even notice she was gone until Christmas came. Her friends; her passive-aggressive competitors, if she was being honest; they'd just assume she left in a huff and stiffed them on the lunch check. The cold, hard truth was: nobody cared about her anymore and she knew it. That meant, if she was going to get out of this, she would have to do it herself. Her cheek hurt where it had hit that disgusting bathroom floor and she reached her hand up to touch it. The voices yelped in alarm and Karen opened her eyes to see two figures backing away from the enclosure she was imprisoned in."Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my purse?" she yelled, pushing herself to her feet. She walked toward them, crossing her arms and glaring. "I want whoever is in charge over here right now! I mean it!" she yelled, pointing as she walked toward them. One of the figures screamed, clutched at his ears and doubled over, staggering around the room dramatically. The other, larger one she recognized from the restaurant bathroom was in some tanning-booth-looking-thing, half naked and gorgeous in a likely-sexual-predator kind of way. Rather than flailing around the room, he seemed to have gone into a catatonic trance. God, people were useless. "You! Himbo!" she shouted, pointing at him. "Where is my purse? Did you even think to get it when you kidnapped me, or am I going to miss my Ozempic shot? I hope to God you assholes have good lawyers!"The beefy kidnapper in the tanning booth wobbled, then vomited loudly. Karen snorted as he slid down to the floor, unconscious. Pathetic. The smaller figure dove toward a panel on the wall next to her enclosure and pressed a few buttons and she heard the ambient noise of her room change, like it was encased, somehow."I've muted it. It's become even stronger than before;” Captain Hemsworth gasped, helping Commander Momoa to his feet again."How are we going to get it back to Priam? We could choke it out again every time it awakens; give the privilege out as a reward to the crew?" Commander Momoa suggested eagerly."No," Captain Hemsworth said, coming closer to the force field separating him from the angry Karen still yelling and pointing from inside the enclosure. "The cumulative effects of throttling it constantly might affect its functioning. We need The Karen at full power if we are to rescue Priam. We need to keep it conscious. We must feed it, provide it breathing gasses, and keep it clean; it appears to be constantly decaying. That reminds me ; cleaning duty goes to Ensign Holland. He's still on my shit list after the incident with the Zendayans.""Aye, sir."Captain Hemsworth cleared his throat and pressed another button on the side panel. "Hail Karen, bringer of blessed flaccidity, destroyer of abhorrent lust, and banisher of all erotic thought. We are men of the planet Priam. We mean you no harm. We come to you seeking aid, and we come in peace. Actually, until we found you, we would come almost constantly. It was disgusting. Everything was sticky. You see, our enemies from Eros sent us the most perfect pornographic images disguised in an innocent-looking email attachment. Once they were seen, they could not be unseen. They were burned into our brains, cursing us with perpetual arousal. The first wave of Priamites were taken by surprise once they activated the link. The next wave fell victim when the first wave posted the link on their social media because it was just so unbelievably; anyway, after the rest of our population fell out of curiosity or boredom, our civilization was nearly destroyed. We have been searching the stars for a cure, but to no avail. Then, just as all hope seemed lost, we found you; we heard your voice; and our loins finally withered. You are now a guest on my ship, The Onan, en route to my homeworld Priam. There, we will deliver your noxious, strident sounds to everyone, freeing them from their intransigent arousal. Then, after we are assured that all have been cured, we shall return you to your home."At this, Karen made an unpleasant face and began breathing on the clear wall of her enclosure, fogging it. Then, she quickly wrote a short message. "What does it mean?" Commander Momoa said, squinting at the squiggling lines she had made.At this, the computer made a chirp and began speaking, "The message, from the American dialect of the language English translates to: Why didn't you just make a recording?"Captain Hemsworth's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Commander Momoa's eyes went wide and he clapped his hand over his face in exasperation. "Fuck;” Momoa said in realization. "A recording;”"Dammit. We didn't have to take her at all, did we?" Captain Hemsworth groaned.Karen glared at them and wrote another word on the wall. As certain as Captain Hemsworth was that he did not need or want the translation, the computer was already on the job. "'Dumbasses,'" the computer cheerfully intoned, "a colloquial phrase, plural of the insult 'dumbass,' meaning 'a foolish or stupid person.'""End translation. Yes, Karen, if we had thought to record your voice instead of kidnapping you, this might have been a much shorter story, and considerably less inconvenient, but as it is, we are closer to Priam than Earth at this point, and our course is set. We will bring you to Priam and then return you home. Perhaps kidnapping you was not the most well-considered solution, but I defy you to think clearly after constantly watching porn for eons and let me know if you do any better."Karen's new calling.Great; as if getting old wasn't insult enough, I've actually become an intergalactic sexual repellent, Karen thought to herself as she paced around her cell. A lifetime of trying to do things right, and this is what it gets me. She wasn't so surprised that there were aliens in the universe, or that they had somehow weaponized porn, but that with all their advancements they were still so stupid!Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened to the ambient sounds of her cell. Life had been so noisy, the last 30 years. Everyone needing her, pulling on her for one thing or another. No peace. Lately though, with the kids gone and Cal; otherwise occupied; life had gone silent. The silence that she had wished for held no peace when it finally came. It just reverberated with the memory of things that had left her behind, making her anxious to fill the emptiness with noise. Nothing came to lure her mind away from the silence, no pleasurable temptations; her duties were done and it felt wrong to do, or even think about, anything else. My god, she had been kidnapped, was flying through the galaxy, and was surrounded by beefcake aliens and she was still thinking about that stupid loose tile in the master bathroom; she needed to get it fixed before the house was sold.A slight sound outside her cell drew her attention. "Who's there?" Karen asked, softly, opening her eyes.A wide-eyed figure peered around the edge of her cell, moving with cautious curiosity. It seemed younger than the other ones. It moved with a sense of barely-restrained eagerness, adorable and earnest. It also held a curved sort of wand in its hand."Honey, if you're here to anally probe me, I'll pass. I already had a colonoscopy this year, I'll have them send you the records;” she murmured, not expecting an answer.After a pause as the figure listened to the translation, its large eyes got even wider. "Is that how you poop?" he asked."What?" she asked, looking more closely at the young alien."I'm supposed to clean your cell when you poop; but you haven't pooped yet; wait, do colonoscopies make you poop?" it asked, scandalized.Karen closed her eyes and shook her head, "No. Colonoscopies put a small camera up your ass so that we can pay a doctor to do what we were afraid aliens like you would do to us if we got drunk in cornfields too much. They don't make us poop. In fact; well, never mind;” she trailed off, embarrassed.She still had vivid memories of her first colonoscopy earlier in the year, drinking gallons of preparatory laxatives, and the resulting quality time with her phone on the toilet. It was an odd experience; not awful, but not one that she could talk to anyone about. Her friends only talked about their kids and their successes, or whose husband cheated on them with some young thing, viciously salivating over their friends' misery with barely concealed glee. Forget about talking through her fears about it with Cal; that wasn't something he was interested in. Not anymore.After the procedure, she had been scared and disoriented from the sedation. For whatever reason, Cal hadn't shown up to give her a ride home. The stupid clinic wouldn't let her leave until someone could drive her home and take care of her. She just sat there getting more and more anxious. Eventually, she called an Uber and begged Xabiib the driver to pretend to be her neighbor; or just someone who cared about her. She spent the ride home trying to say his name correctly while he chuckled and repeated it for her. It was so horrifyingly embarrassing. It's one thing to have no one care about you, but another thing to have the whole world know about it when you were helpless and confused.Tears had rolled down her cheeks and she absently wiped them off with her hand. The young alien sat up and craned his head to look at the liquid on her hand. Karen snorted, "At ease, Holland. It's not poop. You're not getting anything out of me unless you have some heavy-duty magnesium supplements or yogurt."Holland's eyes went wide, "Are humans telepathic???" he gasped. "How did you know my name? Wow, that's so cool! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?"Karen suppressed a smile. Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers to her temples and swayed from side to side, mysteriously. "I see something; something in the mist; something about; could it be; no, it makes no sense. Is it; a Zen; Zendayan? Does that make any sense to you?" she asked.Holland dropped his curved instrument in shock. "Yes! Yes! We just met them! We negotiated with them for supplies! I was there to carry stuff and; and;” he paused, shrinking in on himself a bit. "They are so beautiful. The Zendayans? So beautiful; and super nice; and just; like wow; I was supposed to just stand there until they were done with the talking and bowing and stuff, but they were just like so beautiful.""Well, what happened?" Karen asked."Captain introduced me and I bowed to them. I was feeling dizzy because, you know, their beautifulness just keeps radiating off them. Then; then; the most beautiful of them; she smiled." Holland stared at nothing, immersed in the memory, then wobbled, tipped over, and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.Karen bit her lips in amusement. "I see. What did you do then?""I; I; I started talking and then I just couldn't stop because I was just trying to say how beautiful she was and how it just made my mind explode when she smiled and then I might have peed on the floor.""Oh dear," Karen said, cringing in sympathy. "We don't always put forward the face we want to when we are in our feelings, do we?" she said, quietly."Yeah; I've been cleaning poop ever since;” Holland sighed. After a while he sat back up, picked up the curved instrument and began twirling it in his hands. "So, like; what about you? Have you always made horrible noises?" he asked.Karen huffed, but then she saw the oblivious earnestness in Holland's face and sighed. "No; I wasn't always; like this. In fact, until about 30 years ago, I made beautiful noises. I was a pianist," she said."But, wait, they said you were a female;” Holland said, confused."Pee, an, ist," Karen repeated slowly. "I played the piano. It's an instrument; I was a musician. I was a student at Juilliard. It's a school on Earth; it was like a dream to even get in. I was on a scholarship, living in this shoddy apartment with my roommate Dana;” she trailed off, thinking about those days when everything seemed possible."Wait! Are you remembering?" Holland asked, breaking her reverie. "Can I remember it, too? Nobody wants to remember with me ever since the Zendayans, so I'm just left with my own memories and it gets so boring.""What are you talking about?""Well, it's kinda like; um; let me just show you. Computer, scan The Karen and project her memories," Holland ordered. A humming noise filled the room and a beam of light shot out of the wall and passed over her several times. Suddenly, her cell transformed into her shoddy apartment in Newark, New Jersey."Oh my gosh; it's just like it," Karen gasped looking around."Humans dream of getting into this?" Holland said, scrutinizing a cockroach scurrying along the floor."No, silly. This was our apartment across the river. We lived here when we weren't at school. Dana and I moved off campus in our second year. We took jobs on the side through an agency. That was when;” she sat down and a phone in the apartment's bedroom began ringing.A long, pale arm reached out of a pile of blankets on the bed and grabbed the phone. "Hullo?" Dana mumbled. A voice on the phone sounded irate. "Yeah, I'm almost there," she said and hung up.

Dana Stevens, film critic at Slate.com and a co-host of the Slate Culture Gabfest podcast and the author of Camera Man: Buster Keaton, the Dawn of Cinema, and the Invention of the Twentieth Century (Atria Books, 2022), previews the summer movie season, including the blockbusters everyone will be talking about, and other films she recommends you check out.

Dana Stevens, film critic at Slate.com, co-host of the Slate Culture Gabfest podcast and the author of Camera Man: Buster Keaton, the Dawn of Cinema, and the Invention of the Twentieth Century (Atria Books, 2022), recaps the highs and lows of Sunday's Academy Awards presentation.

Join Mark and Matt as they discuss "The Woman King".  The film was released in 2022 directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood and written by Dana Stevens and Maria Bello.  It tells the story of the Agojie, a group of female warriors defending the Dahomey Kingdom.Join our listener's group The BQN Collective on Facebook. Follow the network on Instagram @BQNPodcastsFind us on BlueSky:  The Network: @BQNpodcastsMark: @MW207Matt: @1701blerdMel: @mel-med-larsonMusic: https://freemusicarchive.org/ https://files.freemusicarchive.org/storage-freemusicarchive-org/tracks/5bYo2CCQrTvlatjormsG0jHuaNUPE6OC2aIUiXI8.mp3?download=1&name=Ketsa%20-%20Dancing-Dead.mp3  BQN Podcasts are made possible by the generous contributions of listeners like you. We extend our heartfelt gratitude to our Patreon patrons, whose support has been instrumental in producing the podcast! AnonymousJerry AntimanoVera BibleSusan L. De ClerckRyan DamonDavidChrissie De Clerck-SzilagyiLars Di ScenzaThad HaitMatt HarkerPeter HongWilliam JacksonSamuel JohnsonJim McMahonJoe MignoneMahendran RadhakrishnanTom Van ScotterJJ SeastrumJonathan SnowCarl WondersJoin the Hive Mind Collective at https://www.Patreon.com/BQN and become an integral part of our podcast. Your unique perspective and support will help us continue to produce high-quality content that you love!Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. STAR TREK and all related marks, logos and characters are owned by CBS Studios Inc. “BQN” is not endorsed or sponsored by or affiliated with CBS/Paramount Pictures or the STAR TREK franchise.

On this week's show, Dan Kois sits in for Dana Stevens. First, the hosts discuss One of Them Days, a new buddy comedy starring Keke Palmer and SZA that's quickly becoming a critical darling — and a box office success. Then, they dive into Asura, Japanese director Hirokazu Kore-eda's Netflix show that's about the dynamics between three sisters and is “totally uninterested in the rhythms of a TV show.” Finally, it's time to explore the “manosphere.” The trio dissected a deftly reported package from Bloomberg, “The Second Trump Presidency, Brought to You by YouTubers.”  Also, we're looking for a new Production Assistant! Please send your resume and two ideas for segments to culturegabfestassistant@gmail.com.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel tackles modern TV title sequences and asks the age-old question: do you skip or play? This conversation was inspired by James Poniewozik's article for The New York Times, “Why Do TV Title Sequences Have So Much… Stuff?”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dan: Playworld by Adam Ross.  Julia: A cookbook by Ben Mims, Crumbs: Cookies and Sweets from Around the World.  Steve: (1) Bar Merenda, a restaurant located right outside of Melbourne. (2) “For the Love of the World” by Daegan Miller for Poetry Foundation.  Kat: Calmly Writer Online, a distraction-free text editor.  Podcast production by Vic Whitley-Berry. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Dan Kois sits in for Dana Stevens. First, the hosts discuss One of Them Days, a new buddy comedy starring Keke Palmer and SZA that's quickly becoming a critical darling — and a box office success. Then, they dive into Asura, Japanese director Hirokazu Kore-eda's Netflix show that's about the dynamics between three sisters and is “totally uninterested in the rhythms of a TV show.” Finally, it's time to explore the “manosphere.” The trio dissected a deftly reported package from Bloomberg, “The Second Trump Presidency, Brought to You by YouTubers.”  Also, we're looking for a new Production Assistant! Please send your resume and two ideas for segments to culturegabfestassistant@gmail.com.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel tackles modern TV title sequences and asks the age-old question: do you skip or play? This conversation was inspired by James Poniewozik's article for The New York Times, “Why Do TV Title Sequences Have So Much… Stuff?”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dan: Playworld by Adam Ross.  Julia: A cookbook by Ben Mims, Crumbs: Cookies and Sweets from Around the World.  Steve: (1) Bar Merenda, a restaurant located right outside of Melbourne. (2) “For the Love of the World” by Daegan Miller for Poetry Foundation.  Kat: Calmly Writer Online, a distraction-free text editor.  Podcast production by Vic Whitley-Berry. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Dan Kois sits in for Dana Stevens. First, the hosts discuss One of Them Days, a new buddy comedy starring Keke Palmer and SZA that's quickly becoming a critical darling — and a box office success. Then, they dive into Asura, Japanese director Hirokazu Kore-eda's Netflix show that's about the dynamics between three sisters and is “totally uninterested in the rhythms of a TV show.” Finally, it's time to explore the “manosphere.” The trio dissected a deftly reported package from Bloomberg, “The Second Trump Presidency, Brought to You by YouTubers.”  Also, we're looking for a new Production Assistant! Please send your resume and two ideas for segments to culturegabfestassistant@gmail.com.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel tackles modern TV title sequences and asks the age-old question: do you skip or play? This conversation was inspired by James Poniewozik's article for The New York Times, “Why Do TV Title Sequences Have So Much… Stuff?”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dan: Playworld by Adam Ross.  Julia: A cookbook by Ben Mims, Crumbs: Cookies and Sweets from Around the World.  Steve: (1) Bar Merenda, a restaurant located right outside of Melbourne. (2) “For the Love of the World” by Daegan Miller for Poetry Foundation.  Kat: Calmly Writer Online, a distraction-free text editor.  Podcast production by Vic Whitley-Berry. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Dan Kois sits in for Dana Stevens. First, the hosts discuss One of Them Days, a new buddy comedy starring Keke Palmer and SZA that's quickly becoming a critical darling — and a box office success. Then, they dive into Asura, Japanese director Hirokazu Kore-eda's Netflix show that's about the dynamics between three sisters and is “totally uninterested in the rhythms of a TV show.” Finally, it's time to explore the “manosphere.” The trio dissected a deftly reported package from Bloomberg, “The Second Trump Presidency, Brought to You by YouTubers.”  Also, we're looking for a new Production Assistant! Please send your resume and two ideas for segments to culturegabfestassistant@gmail.com.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel tackles modern TV title sequences and asks the age-old question: do you skip or play? This conversation was inspired by James Poniewozik's article for The New York Times, “Why Do TV Title Sequences Have So Much… Stuff?”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dan: Playworld by Adam Ross.  Julia: A cookbook by Ben Mims, Crumbs: Cookies and Sweets from Around the World.  Steve: (1) Bar Merenda, a restaurant located right outside of Melbourne. (2) “For the Love of the World” by Daegan Miller for Poetry Foundation.  Kat: Calmly Writer Online, a distraction-free text editor.  Podcast production by Vic Whitley-Berry. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Dan Kois sits in for Dana Stevens. First, the hosts discuss One of Them Days, a new buddy comedy starring Keke Palmer and SZA that's quickly becoming a critical darling — and a box office success. Then, they dive into Asura, Japanese director Hirokazu Kore-eda's Netflix show that's about the dynamics between three sisters and is “totally uninterested in the rhythms of a TV show.” Finally, it's time to explore the “manosphere.” The trio dissected a deftly reported package from Bloomberg, “The Second Trump Presidency, Brought to You by YouTubers.”  Also, we're looking for a new Production Assistant! Please send your resume and two ideas for segments to culturegabfestassistant@gmail.com.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel tackles modern TV title sequences and asks the age-old question: do you skip or play? This conversation was inspired by James Poniewozik's article for The New York Times, “Why Do TV Title Sequences Have So Much… Stuff?”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dan: Playworld by Adam Ross.  Julia: A cookbook by Ben Mims, Crumbs: Cookies and Sweets from Around the World.  Steve: (1) Bar Merenda, a restaurant located right outside of Melbourne. (2) “For the Love of the World” by Daegan Miller for Poetry Foundation.  Kat: Calmly Writer Online, a distraction-free text editor.  Podcast production by Vic Whitley-Berry. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Dan Kois sits in for Dana Stevens. First, the hosts discuss One of Them Days, a new buddy comedy starring Keke Palmer and SZA that's quickly becoming a critical darling — and a box office success. Then, they dive into Asura, Japanese director Hirokazu Kore-eda's Netflix show that's about the dynamics between three sisters and is “totally uninterested in the rhythms of a TV show.” Finally, it's time to explore the “manosphere.” The trio dissected a deftly reported package from Bloomberg, “The Second Trump Presidency, Brought to You by YouTubers.”  Also, we're looking for a new Production Assistant! Please send your resume and two ideas for segments to culturegabfestassistant@gmail.com.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel tackles modern TV title sequences and asks the age-old question: do you skip or play? This conversation was inspired by James Poniewozik's article for The New York Times, “Why Do TV Title Sequences Have So Much… Stuff?”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dan: Playworld by Adam Ross.  Julia: A cookbook by Ben Mims, Crumbs: Cookies and Sweets from Around the World.  Steve: (1) Bar Merenda, a restaurant located right outside of Melbourne. (2) “For the Love of the World” by Daegan Miller for Poetry Foundation.  Kat: Calmly Writer Online, a distraction-free text editor.  Podcast production by Vic Whitley-Berry. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Dan Kois sits in for Dana Stevens. First, the hosts discuss One of Them Days, a new buddy comedy starring Keke Palmer and SZA that's quickly becoming a critical darling — and a box office success. Then, they dive into Asura, Japanese director Hirokazu Kore-eda's Netflix show that's about the dynamics between three sisters and is “totally uninterested in the rhythms of a TV show.” Finally, it's time to explore the “manosphere.” The trio dissected a deftly reported package from Bloomberg, “The Second Trump Presidency, Brought to You by YouTubers.”  Also, we're looking for a new Production Assistant! Please send your resume and two ideas for segments to culturegabfestassistant@gmail.com.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel tackles modern TV title sequences and asks the age-old question: do you skip or play? This conversation was inspired by James Poniewozik's article for The New York Times, “Why Do TV Title Sequences Have So Much… Stuff?”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dan: Playworld by Adam Ross.  Julia: A cookbook by Ben Mims, Crumbs: Cookies and Sweets from Around the World.  Steve: (1) Bar Merenda, a restaurant located right outside of Melbourne. (2) “For the Love of the World” by Daegan Miller for Poetry Foundation.  Kat: Calmly Writer Online, a distraction-free text editor.  Podcast production by Vic Whitley-Berry. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are sad movies that nonetheless offer some sort of hope and optimism. And then there are the ones that offer no hope at all, just bleakness and despair and the cinematic versions of major depressive disorder. Those are our focus on this episode as a trio of film critics and pundits offer their picks for the most depressing films and offer analysis on whether there is value in watching works that present worlds with zero hope. Films discussed include:Grave of the FirefliesAftersunAmourDancer in the DarkPan's LabyrinthRobocop (2014 remake)Cries and WhispersSynecdoche, New YorkCape FearFunny GamesLetterboxd: Truly Depressing Movies from Depresh Mode with John MoeThank you to all our listeners who support the show as monthly members of Maximum Fun.Check out our I'm Glad You're Here and Depresh Mode merchandise at the brand new merch website MaxFunStore.com!Hey, remember, you're part of Depresh Mode and we want to hear what you want to hear about. What guests and issues would you like to have covered in a future episode? Write us at depreshmode@maximumfun.org.Depresh Mode is on BlueSky, Instagram, Substack, and you can join our Preshies Facebook group. Help is available right away.The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-8255, 1-800-273-TALKCrisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.International suicide hotline numbers available here: https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines 

Hello, and welcome to the wrap party.After two years and 100 episodes we're taking a look back at A Very Good Year with highlights from some of our favorite guests. In this episode we're going way back to the 20s & 30s, we're getting into silents, talkies, and the transition. We cover the big names everyone knows and get into some hidden gems that have been buried deep in the vault. "He Who Gets Slapped", anyone? This episode features our very first guest, Alex Winter, and a murderers row of great film minds including Dana Stevens, Sarah Bea Milner, Megan Abbott, Jessica Pickens, Monica Castillo, Marya Gates, Catherine Stebbins and the king, Leonard Maltin.Thank you for listening! For show notes - including where to stream this week's movies, links to referenced media, and more - subscribe on Buttondown at https://buttondown.email/AVeryGoodYear. https://plus.acast.com/s/a-very-good-year. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to another episode! Learn the key steps to successfully change your career with Career Change Coach, Dana Stevens. If you're feeling stuck and not sure where to start, this podcast will help you identify the mistakes you're making and what you can do instead to make sure you find a career that really works for the next chapter of your working life. Dana discusses the biggest mistakes people make when they are thinking of changing careers, how working with a coach can help when you're making a career change and how do you know if you've left it too late to change careers? Find out more about working with Dana here 

Walt Disney Pictures Presents A Film By David Lynch. And what a beautiful, expectation-defying, G-rated, cold-glass-of-beer film it is. Dana Stevens joins us to talk about 1999's The Straight Story, a film that showcases Lynch's fascination with Americana and his deep empathy for characters on the margins. Join us on a journey through the Midwest (Griffin can't drive, but he's a great passenger), where we talk about braunschweiger, cheese castles, bundles of sticks, Chicago theater actors without photos on their IMDB pages, and the fascinating career of actor Richard Farnsworth. Dude was in Gone With the Wind! Read Dana's writing at Slate Listen to the Slate Culture Gabfest Go back and listen Flashback Sign up for Check Book, the Blank Check newsletter featuring even more “real nerdy shit” to feed your pop culture obsession. Dossier excerpts, film biz AND burger reports, and even more exclusive content you won't want to miss out on. Join our Patreon for franchise commentaries and bonus episodes. Follow us @blankcheckpod on Twitter, Instagram, Threads and Facebook!  Buy some real nerdy merch Connect with other Blankies on our Reddit or Discord For anything else, check out BlankCheckPod.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

PLUS: How citizen-run mutual aid networks became the backbone of Sudan's humanitarian crisis response; an investigative reporter who spent decades covering the Menendez brothers says it's time to reexamine their convictions; film critic Dana Stevens makes the case for overly ambitious box office flops; Emily St. John Mandel reflects on Station Eleven, ten years after it's publication; and Riffed from the Headlines, our weekly musical news quiz.

On this week's show, Dana and Stephen are joined by Supreme Friend of the Podcast (SFOP) Isaac Butler, author of The Method:‌ How the Twentieth Century Learned to‌ Act. The trio first explores The Wild Robot, DreamWork Animation's handcrafted, lovingly made film that's the surprise of the year. Lupita Nyong'o voices ROZ, an old-fashioned robot powered by supremely advanced A.I. who must learn about and adapt to her new wild surroundings. Then, they dissect Nobody Wants This, a new Netflix series starring Kristen Bell (who plays a sex podcaster) and Adam Brody as a hot rabbi. Although there are obvious charms, the show's “will they, won't they” rom-com beats can often feel, at best, gratingly familiar, and at worst, bizarre and unthoughtful, particularly in its portrayal of Jewish women.  Finally, the Criterion Collection, is “a catalog so synonymous with cinematic achievement that it has come to function as a kind of film Hall of Fame,” writes Joshua Hunt for The New York Times. The panel dives into the wonderful world of ‘Closet Picks,' a viral video format in which celebrities and movie buffs head into the Criterion Collection stockroom and pluck high-quality DVDs and Blu-rays off its shelves while explaining their personal significance.  Also mentioned in this episode:‌ “The Wild Robot Has an Intelligence That's Anything But Artificial” by Dana Stevens for Slate. “‘Nobody Wants This' Pits Jewish Women Against ‘Shiksas.' Nobody Wins.” By Jessica Grose for The New York Times. In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel extols the joys of being on the ground. Inspired by Chris Black's column for GQ, “How I Learned to Love a Layover,” the trio discusses how they spend their time in airports.  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dana:‌ “Abbas Kiarostami's Childhood Films,”‌ a collection of 17 films by the renowned Iranian filmmaker made about or for children. Isaac:‌ The Tale of The Princess Kaguya, directed by Isao Takahata. Stephen:‌ “The Song That Connects Jackson Browne, Nico and Margot Tenenbaum”‌ by Bob Mehr for The New York Times. Podcast production by Jared Downing. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Dana and Stephen are joined by Supreme Friend of the Podcast (SFOP) Isaac Butler, author of The Method:‌ How the Twentieth Century Learned to‌ Act. The trio first explores The Wild Robot, DreamWork Animation's handcrafted, lovingly made film that's the surprise of the year. Lupita Nyong'o voices ROZ, an old-fashioned robot powered by supremely advanced A.I. who must learn about and adapt to her new wild surroundings. Then, they dissect Nobody Wants This, a new Netflix series starring Kristen Bell (who plays a sex podcaster) and Adam Brody as a hot rabbi. Although there are obvious charms, the show's “will they, won't they” rom-com beats can often feel, at best, gratingly familiar, and at worst, bizarre and unthoughtful, particularly in its portrayal of Jewish women.  Finally, the Criterion Collection, is “a catalog so synonymous with cinematic achievement that it has come to function as a kind of film Hall of Fame,” writes Joshua Hunt for The New York Times. The panel dives into the wonderful world of ‘Closet Picks,' a viral video format in which celebrities and movie buffs head into the Criterion Collection stockroom and pluck high-quality DVDs and Blu-rays off its shelves while explaining their personal significance.  Also mentioned in this episode:‌ “The Wild Robot Has an Intelligence That's Anything But Artificial” by Dana Stevens for Slate. “‘Nobody Wants This' Pits Jewish Women Against ‘Shiksas.' Nobody Wins.” By Jessica Grose for The New York Times. In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel extols the joys of being on the ground. Inspired by Chris Black's column for GQ, “How I Learned to Love a Layover,” the trio discusses how they spend their time in airports.  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dana:‌ “Abbas Kiarostami's Childhood Films,”‌ a collection of 17 films by the renowned Iranian filmmaker made about or for children. Isaac:‌ The Tale of The Princess Kaguya, directed by Isao Takahata. Stephen:‌ “The Song That Connects Jackson Browne, Nico and Margot Tenenbaum”‌ by Bob Mehr for The New York Times. Podcast production by Jared Downing. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, two of our favorite Slate-sters, Nadira Goffe (culture writer)‌ and Dan Kois (author of Hampton Heights), fill in for Dana Stevens and Stephen Metcalf. The trio first pays a visit to Gotham, and reviews Max's The Penguin, an odd, unevenly paced mob show that doubles as DC Comics intellectual property. Sporting a prosthetic face, Colin Farrell reprises his role as the titular character (also known as Oz Cobb) and adds a new layer of humanity to the villainous Penguin. Then, the three discuss Sundance darling My Old Ass, a charming coming-of-age film by writer-director Megan Park, in which teenage Elliot (played by Maisy Stella) meets her future self (Aubrey Plaza) while tripping on shrooms. Finally, the panel tackles Am I The Asshole?‌‌ and explores the classic Reddit forum's many pleasures. Mentioned in this episode:‌ Colin Farrell's Long Waddle to The Penguin (Isaac Butler, Slate.) In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel discusses Robert Caro's The Power Broker with staff writer Henry Grabar, who in his essay, “Read Another Book,” offers a counterpoint to the weighty tome: maybe it's OK to skip this one.  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Nadira: Sean Wang's film Dìdi; a playlist of metaphorically violent songs, inspired by Charli XCX's “Sympathy is a Knife.”‌ (Also, if anyone has any intel on “Life Is a Death Wish”‌ or Golden Age Ensemble, please reach out!) Dan:‌ Thank Goodness, an extremely funny video game.‌ Available on most gaming platforms. (He also strongly recommends watching this video about the game's developers!) Julia:‌‌ ColorKu, a vibrant and beautiful puzzle game. Podcast production by Jared Downing. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, two of our favorite Slate-sters, Nadira Goffe (culture writer)‌ and Dan Kois (author of Hampton Heights), fill in for Dana Stevens and Stephen Metcalf. The trio first pays a visit to Gotham, and reviews Max's The Penguin, an odd, unevenly paced mob show that doubles as DC Comics intellectual property. Sporting a prosthetic face, Colin Farrell reprises his role as the titular character (also known as Oz Cobb) and adds a new layer of humanity to the villainous Penguin. Then, the three discuss Sundance darling My Old Ass, a charming coming-of-age film by writer-director Megan Park, in which teenage Elliot (played by Maisy Stella) meets her future self (Aubrey Plaza) while tripping on shrooms. Finally, the panel tackles Am I The Asshole?‌‌ and explores the classic Reddit forum's many pleasures. Mentioned in this episode:‌ Colin Farrell's Long Waddle to The Penguin (Isaac Butler, Slate.) In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel discusses Robert Caro's The Power Broker with staff writer Henry Grabar, who in his essay, “Read Another Book,” offers a counterpoint to the weighty tome: maybe it's OK to skip this one.  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Nadira: Sean Wang's film Dìdi; a playlist of metaphorically violent songs, inspired by Charli XCX's “Sympathy is a Knife.”‌ (Also, if anyone has any intel on “Life Is a Death Wish”‌ or Golden Age Ensemble, please reach out!) Dan:‌ Thank Goodness, an extremely funny video game.‌ Available on most gaming platforms. (He also strongly recommends watching this video about the game's developers!) Julia:‌‌ ColorKu, a vibrant and beautiful puzzle game. Podcast production by Jared Downing. Production assistance by Kat Hong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Dan Kois (writer at Slate and author of Hampton Heights: One Harrowing Night in the Most Haunted Neighborhood in Milwaukee, Wisconsin) fills in for Dana Stevens. The hosts begin by exploring the latest addition to the Star Wars canon, The Acolyte, created by Leslye Headland (Russian Doll). Amandla Sternberg and Lee Jung-jae lead the who-dunnit mystery, and while there is a lot to admire about the show's visuals and depiction of the Master Jedi, The Acolyte often sags under the baggage of the vast Star Wars mythology and suffers from fundamental pacing problems. Then, the three tackle Godzilla Minus One, a genius and emotionally rich parable about wounded masculinity and the national trauma felt in a post-WWII Japan. The kaiju film, released at the end of last year, won the Academy Award for Best Visual Effects in 2023, and immediately shot to No. 1 on Netflix when it hit the streaming service last week. Finally, the panel is joined by Dan Charnas (author of Dilla Time and The Big Payback) to discuss Sabrina Carpenter's “Espresso” and his very sharply framed piece for Slate, “The Musical History Lesson Buried Beneath the Song of the Summer.”  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel tackles: children's birthday parties. To plan, or not to plan, that is the question!  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  We're taking Summer Strut submissions! Send your strutty-est songs to culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dan: The quick-witted, joke-packed pleasures of Girls5eva season 3.  Julia: (1) Ambition Monster: A Memoir by Jennifer Romolini; (2) Dan Charna's playlist, “The Genre With No Name.”  Stephen: (1) Who wrote this song?; (2) Abdullah Ibrahim's "Solotude." Podcast production by Kevin Bendis. Production assistance by Kat Hong.  Hosts: Dan Kois, Julia Turner, Stephen Metcalf Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Dan Kois (writer at Slate and author of Hampton Heights: One Harrowing Night in the Most Haunted Neighborhood in Milwaukee, Wisconsin) fills in for Dana Stevens. The hosts begin by exploring the latest addition to the Star Wars canon, The Acolyte, created by Leslye Headland (Russian Doll). Amandla Sternberg and Lee Jung-jae lead the who-dunnit mystery, and while there is a lot to admire about the show's visuals and depiction of the Master Jedi, The Acolyte often sags under the baggage of the vast Star Wars mythology and suffers from fundamental pacing problems. Then, the three tackle Godzilla Minus One, a genius and emotionally rich parable about wounded masculinity and the national trauma felt in a post-WWII Japan. The kaiju film, released at the end of last year, won the Academy Award for Best Visual Effects in 2023, and immediately shot to No. 1 on Netflix when it hit the streaming service last week. Finally, the panel is joined by Dan Charnas (author of Dilla Time and The Big Payback) to discuss Sabrina Carpenter's “Espresso” and his very sharply framed piece for Slate, “The Musical History Lesson Buried Beneath the Song of the Summer.”  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel tackles: children's birthday parties. To plan, or not to plan, that is the question!  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  We're taking Summer Strut submissions! Send your strutty-est songs to culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dan: The quick-witted, joke-packed pleasures of Girls5eva season 3.  Julia: (1) Ambition Monster: A Memoir by Jennifer Romolini; (2) Dan Charna's playlist, “The Genre With No Name.”  Stephen: (1) Who wrote this song?; (2) Abdullah Ibrahim's "Solotude." Podcast production by Kevin Bendis. Production assistance by Kat Hong.  Hosts: Dan Kois, Julia Turner, Stephen Metcalf Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Slate culture writer (and Very, Very Good Friend of the Show, a.k.a. VVGFOP) Nadira Goffe sits in for Dana Stevens. The three begin with Civil War, writer-director Alex Garland's (Ex Machina, Annihilation, Men) dystopian travelog starring Kirsten Dunst, Cailee Spaeny, and Wagner Moura that imagines a burned out, bombed out America in the throes of a raging internal conflict. But who is fighting whom? Our panel discusses. Then, they examine Jerrod Carmichael Reality Show, an eight-part series on Max depicting a very different civil war. Here, the exemplary sit-down stand-up comedian goes to war with himself, his public image, and the very nature of “reality.” It's “Seinfeld meets reality TV meets Sylvia Plath,” and is a painfully naked confessional that begs the question: “Is Jerrod Carmichael trolling us?” (Read Nadira's fantastic piece, “Who Did People Think Jerrod Carmichael Is?” Finally, the trio turns to “gaslighting,” the pop psychology term up for debate in Leslie Jamison's essay for The New Yorker, “So You Think You've Been Gaslit.” Merriam-Webster's Word of the Year in 2022, is “gaslighting” a handy term used to describe harmful behavior? Or has “gaslighting” become so ubiquitous, it's lost all meaning? The panel gets into it.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the hosts explore stuffed animals (including but not limited to: Squishmallows, Jelly Cats, and “lovies”), the difference between a blanket and blankie, and the joys of embracing one's inner child, inspired by Valerie Trapp's essay for The Atlantic, “Welcome to Kidulthood.”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Outro music: "200 Dont's" by Conditional Endorsements: Nadira: (1) The Wiz revival on Broadway.  (2) Costco!  (3) Willow Smith's new song, “b i g f e e l i n g s” off of her upcoming album, empathogen.  Julia: G. T. Karber's book of puzzles, Murdle: 100 Simple to Impossible Mysteries to Solve Using Logic, Skill, and the Power of Deduction. “It's a cross between an LSAT logic puzzle and a murder mystery.”  Stephen: Becca Rothfeld's debut essay collection, All Things Are Too Small: Essays in Praise of Excess. (Becca will be on the show next week to discuss! For extra credit, grab a copy of her book and come prepared.) Podcast production by Jared Downing. Production assistance by Kat Hong.  Hosts Nadira Goffe, Julia Turner, Stephen Metcalf Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Slate culture writer (and Very, Very Good Friend of the Show, a.k.a. VVGFOP) Nadira Goffe sits in for Dana Stevens. The three begin with Civil War, writer-director Alex Garland's (Ex Machina, Annihilation, Men) dystopian travelog starring Kirsten Dunst, Cailee Spaeny, and Wagner Moura that imagines a burned out, bombed out America in the throes of a raging internal conflict. But who is fighting whom? Our panel discusses. Then, they examine Jerrod Carmichael Reality Show, an eight-part series on Max depicting a very different civil war. Here, the exemplary sit-down stand-up comedian goes to war with himself, his public image, and the very nature of “reality.” It's “Seinfeld meets reality TV meets Sylvia Plath,” and is a painfully naked confessional that begs the question: “Is Jerrod Carmichael trolling us?” (Read Nadira's fantastic piece, “Who Did People Think Jerrod Carmichael Is?” Finally, the trio turns to “gaslighting,” the pop psychology term up for debate in Leslie Jamison's essay for The New Yorker, “So You Think You've Been Gaslit.” Merriam-Webster's Word of the Year in 2022, is “gaslighting” a handy term used to describe harmful behavior? Or has “gaslighting” become so ubiquitous, it's lost all meaning? The panel gets into it.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the hosts explore stuffed animals (including but not limited to: Squishmallows, Jelly Cats, and “lovies”), the difference between a blanket and blankie, and the joys of embracing one's inner child, inspired by Valerie Trapp's essay for The Atlantic, “Welcome to Kidulthood.”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Outro music: "200 Dont's" by Conditional Endorsements: Nadira: (1) The Wiz revival on Broadway.  (2) Costco!  (3) Willow Smith's new song, “b i g f e e l i n g s” off of her upcoming album, empathogen.  Julia: G. T. Karber's book of puzzles, Murdle: 100 Simple to Impossible Mysteries to Solve Using Logic, Skill, and the Power of Deduction. “It's a cross between an LSAT logic puzzle and a murder mystery.”  Stephen: Becca Rothfeld's debut essay collection, All Things Are Too Small: Essays in Praise of Excess. (Becca will be on the show next week to discuss! For extra credit, grab a copy of her book and come prepared.) Podcast production by Jared Downing. Production assistance by Kat Hong.  Hosts Nadira Goffe, Julia Turner, Stephen Metcalf Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Começa agora o POD NOTÍCIAS, a sua dose semanal de informação sobre o mercado de podcasts no Brasil e no mundo! Falando de Serra Negra eu sou Leo Lopes, hoje é segunda-feira, dia 15 de abril de 2024 e esta é a nossa décima primeira edição! Sabia que você pode anunciar com a gente aqui no Pod Notícias? Se você tem uma marca, produto ou serviço e quer atingir um público qualificado que se interessa pelo podcast aqui no Brasil, o nosso público é o seu público. Manda um e-mail pra gente no contato@podnoticias.com.br, que a gente vai ter o maior prazer em conversar com você. Além disso, se você quiser colaborar com a gente, mandar texto, mandar pauta, também é muito bem-vindo, e pode fazer isso também pelo mesmo e-mail. 1 - Abrindo as notícias desta edição, você já pensou no quanto os podcasts são uma mídia acessível pra pessoas que tem alguma deficiência? O áudio funciona pra quem não tem visão, a transcrição do áudio funciona pra quem não tem audição, e tanto o podcaster quanto as plataformas estão buscando cada vez mais formas de deixarem os podcasts cada vez mais inclusivos. Quantas mídias a gente vê fazendo isso? Não muitas, concorda? Então esse ano a gente vai seguir o exemplo da empresa nigeriana de tecnologia Wokpa, que iniciou essa conversa, e reconhecer os podcasts como ferramentas de inclusão. Com os podcasts, as pessoas com deficiência podem compartilhar as suas histórias, se conectar com outras comunidades, quebrar estereótipos e buscar as mudanças sociais que a gente precisa. Fora que é uma mídia de fácil consumo, o que é ideal pra pessoas com qualquer tipo de limitação. Quer fazer a sua parte pra uma podosfera ainda mais inclusiva? Não é nada difícil. Você só precisa transformar a acessibilidade em uma das prioridades do seu programa, sempre conversar com vozes diversas e ser um aliado das mudanças que promovam a inclusão. Assim a gente cria uma podosfera cada vez melhor e mais rica. Link 2 - Na semana passada, o site Substack publicou no seu blog o texto "Como os podcasters estão monetizando com o Substack", falando um pouco sobre o que a nossa comunidade têm feito pra ganhar alguns trocados na plataforma - que é, na verdade um site focado em newsletters. De acordo com a coluna, os podcasters geram um modelo de negócios baseado no relacionamento direto com a audiência. Essa relação cria nos ouvintes um senso maior de engajamento e apoio ao criador de conteúdo, que monetiza no Substack criando produtos complementares, episódios exclusivos pra assinantes e programas de áudio e vídeo que são enviados direto pros e-mails dos ouvintes. E isso tudo funciona direitinho porque a plataforma já tem o serviço de assinaturas, mesmo quando é só pras newsletters de texto. As formas de pagamento são flexíveis, o que facilita ainda mais pro ouvinte de podcast que quer contribuir com seus criadores de conteúdo preferidos. Então se você tá naquela fase de tentar bolar um plano de assinaturas pro seu programa, ou uma forma acessível de monetização que não dependa só de publicidade, vale dar uma olhadinha nos serviços do Substack, e ver se o que eles oferecem serve pro seu projeto. Link 3 - E estudos recentes sobre o mercado de players de podcast, indicam um crescimento robusto que vai acontecer até 2032. Essa informação vem de uma pesquisa sobre aplicativos do Market Reports World, que é um relatório de mercado mesmo, daqueles que são criados pra empresas e indústrias, com todo tipo de informação e variável. Esses relatórios não são nada baratos, esse por exemplo sai pela bagatela de quase 4 mil dólares se você não for um assinante do Market Reports, mas é claro que a gente do Pod Notícias reuniu as informações mais importantes pra nós, produtores de podcast. Uma tendência chave pros próximos anos, é o interesse dos consumidores em empresas mais alinhadas com a consciência ambiental e sustentabilidade. Além disso, a gente vai continuar vendo cada vez mais integração de tecnologia nos players de áudio e também nos produtos, utilizando tecnologias como inteligência artificial, machine-learning e blockchain. E o que garante essa projeção sobre o crescimento do mercado de players até 2032, é a Taxa de Crescimento Anual Composta, cujo número dobrou na última década. Vale lembrar que o relatório considera os impactos da pandemia de Covid-19 e a guerra da Rússia com a Ucrânia e as projeções continuam tendo números muito altos. Então, agora, é esperar pra ver. Link AINDA EM NOTÍCIAS DA SEMANA: 4 - Na última sexta-feira, dia 12, aconteceu o evento online de comemoração do aniversário do Headliner, o site que transforma podcasts em vídeos e audiogramas - que a gente utiliza bastante também aqui na Rádiofobia Podcast Network. Já são 6 anos de operação do Headliner, e nesse período, mais de 1 milhão e 300 mil podcasters em 193 países usaram seus serviços para criar 72 milhões e 900 mil minutos de podcasts exportados. Se você passasse sua vida inteira ouvindo os conteúdos que foram transformados em audiogramas no Headliner, não conseguiria ouvir todos, porque, no total, são mais de 138 ANOS de conteúdo. São mais de 17 milhões de vídeos criados e mais de 25 milhões de minutos transcritos. É muita coisa mesmo. Além de criar audiogramas, o Headliner também oferece vários recursos para edição, transcrição, promoção e conexão de podcasts em diferentes plataformas. É uma ferramenta bem bacana, que a gente mesmo usa aqui no Pod Notícias uma automação que manda direto pro YouTube, por exemplo, e facilita bastante a nossa vida. E é muito legal saber esses números exatos do quanto a empresa já auxiliou podcasters no mundo todo. Link 5 - Você conhece o Podscan? O Podscan.fm é um serviço que alerta os usuários quando seu nome, marca ou palavras-chave são mencionados em podcasts - em questão de minutos - e que possui um banco de dados completo com episódios transcritos e pesquisáveis. O Arvid Kahl, CEO do Podscan, anunciou na última semana que eles receberam um grande investimento da empresa Calm Company Fund, depois de já ter negado várias ofertas de outras empresas. Com o financiamento, o plano agora é acelerar o crescimento do scanner, implementando GPUs em nuvem para aumentar a capacidade de processamento. Além disso, o Arvid Kahl também apresentou a nova identidade visual do Podscan, que marca uma nova fase da empresa, mais direta e profissional. Ele enfatizou bastante sobre como tem sido positiva a experiência de transformar a sua empresa em uma construção pública e encorajou outros empreendedores a também adotarem essa prática nos seus negócios. Link 6 - E foram divulgados os vencedores dos Prêmios Ondas Globais de Podcast 2024. Os prêmios vão ser entregues em uma cerimônia agendada pro dia 19 de junho no Circo Price Theater em Madrid. Essa é a terceira edição do evento, que premiou 18 vencedores em 16 categorias, além de ter feito 3 menções honrosas. O maior patrocinador da premiação é a Podimo. A seleção dos vencedores foi feita entre os 70 finalistas anunciados em abril pelo júri, que avaliou 1.252 indicações de 19 países. Além das categorias regulares, os prêmios de Podcast Revelação e Contribuição Vitalícia para a Indústria de Podcasts na Espanha e na América Latina foram decididos por voto direto do painel de juízes. A lista completa de vencedores está disponível na nossa página no LinkedIn do Pod Notícias. Link E MAIS: 7 - O Podtrac divulgou os rankings das principais editoras e redes de podcasts nos Estados Unidos e no mundo, referentes ao mês de março de 2024. Os grandes destaques foram as entradas das redes iHeart Audience Network e da Acast no ranking americano. Essas empresas já são conhecidas por produção de áudio, mas as redes, especificamente, produzem e vendem peças de publicidade. Além disso, a Acast foi destacada como a editora número 1 global, com 405 milhões de downloads em março, e ficou em terceiro lugar entre as editoras nos Estados Unidos. Essa é a primeira vez que a Acast fica em primeiro lugar mundial. Se a empresa antes não era vista como tão competitiva no mercado, agora vai ser, com certeza. Link 8 - E mais um podcast vai ser adaptado para uma série de televisão: o programa da vez é o americano Bone Valley, de investigação criminal, baseado no trabalho de Gilbert King e Kelsey Decker. O programa é bem conhecido na comunidade podcaster e já ganhou vários prêmios, entre eles dois Ambie Awards, e o "Escolha dos Ouvintes" no Signal Awards. Além disso, as pautas do podcast influenciaram positivamente em casos criminais reais - igual aconteceu com o Projeto Humanos aqui no Brasil, o Caso Evandro, por exemplo. A adaptação pra televisão vai ficar sob o comando da roteirista Dana Stevens, veterana de Hollywood, e a produção geral vai ser feita por Cathy Schulman, que é vencedora de um Oscar de produção de TV. Gilbert e Kelsey já confirmaram que, enquanto a série é produzida, eles também estarão trabalhando na segunda temporada do Bone Valley em podcast. A primeira temporada está disponível na íntegra em todas as principais plataformas de podcast. Link 9 - E nas dicas de produção dessa semana, quem deu as instruções sobre como promover o seu podcast nas redes sociais, foi o Spotify for Podcasters. No seu perfil do X/Twitter, a empresa compartilhou dicas sobre como usar o Instagram, que é a melhor rede para se postar conteúdo em imagens, o X, a melhor rede para conteúdo escrito, o TikTok, melhor rede para conteúdo rápido, e o Facebook, a melhor rede para construir uma comunidade. Você quer saber como usar as redes sociais a favor do seu podcast? Então não deixa de conferir a matéria na íntegra, lá no LinkedIn do Pod Notícias, onde a gente já traduziu, adaptou, e deixou a informação prontinha pra te ajudar com essa parte. Link HOJE NO GIRO SOBRE PESSOAS QUE FAZEM A MÍDIA: 10 - O Luan Alencar, editor de podcasts que já trabalhou com a Globo, CNN, B9 e Folha de São Paulo, anunciou na última semana que vai dar uma oficina de produção de podcasts - com foco principal em edição, que é a maior expertise dele. As aulas vão acontecer online, via Zoom, a partir do dia 27 de abril. Depois das primeiras aulas, os participantes vão criar um podcast experimental para aplicar o que aprenderam, e na última aula, o Luan vai dar todo o feedback e sugestões de melhoria para cada podcast. Além disso, durante o curso, os participantes vão ter acesso a um grupo no Whatsapp onde vão poder tirar todas as dúvidas que tiverem. Se você tem interesse em participar da oficina, todas as informações principais e o formulário de inscrição estão disponíveis na página do LinkedIn do Pod Notícias, e nos perfis do Luan nas redes sociais. Link 11 - E na semana passada nós não tivemos enquete e nem Caixinha de Perguntas no Instagram, mas essa semana ela está de volta! E é em total espírito de colaboração e camaradagem, que a equipe do Pod Notícias quer saber: Qual conselho você daria para alguém que está começando agora a produzir seu próprio podcast? O nosso Instagram é o @pod.noticias e o link vai estar na descrição desse episódio, então segue a gente por lá e não deixa de participar das nossas interações, porque a gente gosta muito mesmo de ler as respostas dos nossos ouvintes e amigos. Como sempre, a caixinha de perguntas vai ficar no ar por 24h nos nossos stories, então deixe a sua contribuição o quanto antes. Instagram do Pod Notícias SOBRE LANÇAMENTOS: 12 - O grupo americano de comediantes The Lonely Island anunciou o lançamento do seu novo podcast com Seth Meyers, e fez uma promoção um tanto quanto... Incomum, no mínimo. Durante alguns programas de entrevista, o Andy Samberg disse que, abre aspas: "Nós não somos bons e eu não gosto do programa". O Jorma Taccone, um dos seus parceiros de bancada, concordou, quando disse que "o podcast era só uma desculpa pra ele ter a oportunidade de ver os amigos" (até aí, eu tô fazendo isso há 15 anos...). O último integrante do programa, Akiva Schaffer, foi ainda mais crítico e disse que não só ele não gostou do programa, mas ele também ficou tão incomodado de ouvir a própria voz, que vai ser uma pessoa mais quieta a partir de agora. Pra qualquer outro podcast essa "anti-promoção" poderia ser desastrosa, mas pra eles, parece que funcionou - quem já conhecia a comédia auto-depreciativa do grupo, ficou ainda mais curioso pra ouvir o programa, que já está disponível nas principais plataformas - em inglês, é claro. Link 13 - Hoje também temos lançamento de equipamento, com a Shure anunciando o novo microfone MV7+ Podcast Microphone, uma versão aprimorada do já excelente modelo de microfone para podcasts. O MV7+ apresenta melhorias de design , iluminação embutida e novos recursos de software DSP, e ele pode ser conectado direto no computador ou em uma interface de áudio. As gravações de altíssima qualidade são garantidas por recursos como Tecnologia de Isolamento de Voz, Modo de Nível Automático Aprimorado e Pop-Filter digital. O microfone também oferece três tipos de reverb e um painel LED personalizável. O Shure MV7+ já está disponível para venda no valor de 279 dólares. Link RECOMENDAÇÃO NACIONAL: 14 - E hoje na nossa recomendação nacional da semana, a indicação vai especialmente pros apaixonados por inovação, carreira e tecnologia: é o podcast Cabeça de Lab, produzido pelo Luizalabs, que é o laboratório de inovação e tecnologia do Magalu, e editado pela Rádiofobia Podcast e Multimídia. O programa é semanal e coloca membros da equipe do Luizalabs, como o Yohan Rodrigues e a Julia Peixoto, frente a frente com convidados que são destaque no setor. As conversas sempre são super descontraídas e informativas - é um podcast cabeça, como o nome já sugere, mas que é muito confortável de ouvir. Os episódios nunca são redundantes, sempre dá pra aprender coisa nova, descobrir insights novos sobre carreira e negócios, e vale muito a pena conferir. O Cabeça de Lab está disponível em todas as principais plataformas, e é publicado todas as quintas-feiras. Não deixa de conhecer e de assinar no seu agregador de podcast preferido. Link E assim a gente fecha esta décima primeira edição do Pod Notícias. Acesse podnoticias.com.br para ter acesso à transcrição e os links das fontes de todas as notícias deste episódio! Nosso podcast - e eu, que preciso descansar um pouco - vai fazer uma breve pausa de duas semanas a partir de hoje e vai estar de volta com sua edição número 12 no dia 06 de maio. Mas as notícias vão continuar a ser publicadas diariamente, porque o mundo do podcast segue ativo e crescendo no mundo todo! Acompanhe o Pod Notícias diariamente:- Page do Linkedin- Instagram- Canal público do Telegram Ouça o Pod Notícias nos principais agregadores:- Spotify- Apple Podcasts- Deezer- Amazon Music- PocketCasts O Pod Notícias é uma produção original da Rádiofobia Podcast e Multimídia e publicado pela Rádiofobia Podcast Network, e conta com as colaborações de:- Camila Nogueira - arte- Eduardo Sierra - edição- Lana Távora - pesquisa, pauta e redação final- Leo Lopes - direção geral e apresentação- Thiago Miro - pesquisa Publicidade:Entre em contato e saiba como anunciar sua marca, produto ou serviço no Pod Notícias.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In the 1930s, St. Petersburg, Florida, became a spot for filmmakers to attempt to relaunch their career. It was a short-lived and disastrous endeavor that produced only three movies - and a new chapter in the failing career of a Hollywood legend.  Pick up your copy of FLORIDA! right here!   Check out the main source for this episode, Camera Man by Dana Stevens! Read more about the history of Weedon Island! Watch Buster Keaton's movie Sherlock Jr. or watch this clip from Seven Chances discussed in today's episode!   All of the music was originally composed.

On this week's show, Extreme Friends of the Pod and co-authors of The World Only Spins Forward, Isaac Butler and Dan Kois, fill in for Dana Stevens and Julia Turner. The hosts begin by dissecting The Zone of Interest, filmmaker Jonathan Glazer's audacious movie about the Holocaust that's told through the lens of Nazi commandant Rudolf Höss and his wife Hedwig as they live their somewhat ordinary lives in a compound outside of Auschwitz. The film has garnered both praise and severe critique from critics, many of whom are split on Glazer's detached aesthetic and imaginative approach to depicting genocide. The Zone of Interest has racked up five Oscar nominations, including Best Picture and Best Director. Then, the three dive into Nyad, the (maybe?) true story of marathon swimmer Diana Nyad, as she attempts to swim unassisted from Cuba to Florida. Annette Bening stars in the titular role alongside Jodie Foster, both of whom are up for Oscars (Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress, respectively). Finally, what is a good director, anyway? What does it look like, what does it mean, and is there a difference between producing, screenwriting, and directing – or is it some strange amalgamation of all three? These questions come from a listener, Emily, and the panel attempts to answer them.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel discusses their film preferences while airborne, inspired by David Mack's essay for Slate, “What Makes a Perfect ‘Plane Movie'?” Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Outro music: "Pull Me Out" by Mike Stringer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Extreme Friends of the Pod and co-authors of The World Only Spins Forward, Isaac Butler and Dan Kois, fill in for Dana Stevens and Julia Turner. The hosts begin by dissecting The Zone of Interest, filmmaker Jonathan Glazer's audacious movie about the Holocaust that's told through the lens of Nazi commandant Rudolf Höss and his wife Hedwig as they live their somewhat ordinary lives in a compound outside of Auschwitz. The film has garnered both praise and severe critique from critics, many of whom are split on Glazer's detached aesthetic and imaginative approach to depicting genocide. The Zone of Interest has racked up five Oscar nominations, including Best Picture and Best Director. Then, the three dive into Nyad, the (maybe?) true story of marathon swimmer Diana Nyad, as she attempts to swim unassisted from Cuba to Florida. Annette Bening stars in the titular role alongside Jodie Foster, both of whom are up for Oscars (Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress, respectively). Finally, what is a good director, anyway? What does it look like, what does it mean, and is there a difference between producing, screenwriting, and directing – or is it some strange amalgamation of all three? These questions come from a listener, Emily, and the panel attempts to answer them.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel discusses their film preferences while airborne, inspired by David Mack's essay for Slate, “What Makes a Perfect ‘Plane Movie'?” Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Outro music: "Pull Me Out" by Mike Stringer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on Mummy Dearest Podcast, Zach and Sloane unwrap 1998's romantic mystical fantasy film: City of Angels. This movie has it all: Nicolas Cage as an angel named Seth, Dennis Franz body surfing nude, dumpster babies, and a young Nick Offerman. It's a film that could not and would not be made in 2024. It's too wacky, too silly, and too heartfelt. Grab a pear, say a prayer and tune in to this week's episode of Mummy Dearest Podcast! Support the showVisit MummyDearestPodcast.com for merch and more!Follow the podcast on Instagram!Follow Sloane on Instagram!Follow Zach on Instagram!And most importantly, become a Patron and unlock hundreds of bonus episodes!

On this week's show, Slate culture writer Nadira Goffe and Sam Sanders, host of Vibe Check fill in for Dana Stevens and Julia Turner. The hosts begin with a subversively brilliant Oscar contender, American Fiction, which is Cord Jefferson's adaptation of Percival Everett's 2001 novel Erasure. The filmmaker's debut racked up five Oscar nominations, including Best Picture, and stars Jeffrey Wright as Thelonius “Monk” Ellis, a frustrated writer, in this heartfelt family melodrama encased in biting satire. (Catch Sam's conversation with Cord Jefferson here.) Then, the three tread into familiar territory and dissect In the Know, Mike Judge's (Beavis and Butthead, Silicon Valley, King of the Hill) latest show on Peacock which satirizes the world of public radio, specifically NPR, through the stop-motion animated lens of its third most-popular host, Lauren Caspian (voiced by Zach Woods). Finally, Oscar season is officially upon us, and with Oscar nominations, comes invariably, Oscar snubs. The panel explores this year's nominees, and who may or may not have gotten the short end of the stick.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel discusses a fun interactive from The New York Times, “The Menu Trends That Define Dining Right Now.”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Outro music: “Bloody Hunter” by Paisley Pink Endorsements: Sam: An album he loves and owns on vinyl, Chameleon (1976) by the American singing trio Labelle. It's pure R&B funk dazzle.  Nadira: A threefold music endorsement: Midnight Dancer (1979) by the Philly soul group Silk, Spotify's “create radio” function, and a compilation of Barbara Ackland's greatest hits.  Steve: A gorgeous, lofi home recording of Sandy Denny singing her classic, “Who Knows Where the Time Goes.”  Podcast production by Cameron Drews. Production assistance by Kat Hong.  If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows. You'll also be supporting the work we do here on the Culture Gabfest. Sign up now at Slate.com/cultureplus to help support our work. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, Slate culture writer Nadira Goffe and Sam Sanders, host of Vibe Check fill in for Dana Stevens and Julia Turner. The hosts begin with a subversively brilliant Oscar contender, American Fiction, which is Cord Jefferson's adaptation of Percival Everett's 2001 novel Erasure. The filmmaker's debut racked up five Oscar nominations, including Best Picture, and stars Jeffrey Wright as Thelonius “Monk” Ellis, a frustrated writer, in this heartfelt family melodrama encased in biting satire. (Catch Sam's conversation with Cord Jefferson here.) Then, the three tread into familiar territory and dissect In the Know, Mike Judge's (Beavis and Butthead, Silicon Valley, King of the Hill) latest show on Peacock which satirizes the world of public radio, specifically NPR, through the stop-motion animated lens of its third most-popular host, Lauren Caspian (voiced by Zach Woods). Finally, Oscar season is officially upon us, and with Oscar nominations, comes invariably, Oscar snubs. The panel explores this year's nominees, and who may or may not have gotten the short end of the stick.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel discusses a fun interactive from The New York Times, “The Menu Trends That Define Dining Right Now.”  Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Outro music: “Bloody Hunter” by Paisley Pink Endorsements: Sam: An album he loves and owns on vinyl, Chameleon (1976) by the American singing trio Labelle. It's pure R&B funk dazzle.  Nadira: A threefold music endorsement: Midnight Dancer (1979) by the Philly soul group Silk, Spotify's “create radio” function, and a compilation of Barbara Ackland's greatest hits.  Steve: A gorgeous, lofi home recording of Sandy Denny singing her classic, “Who Knows Where the Time Goes.”  Podcast production by Cameron Drews. Production assistance by Kat Hong.  If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows. You'll also be supporting the work we do here on the Culture Gabfest. Sign up now at Slate.com/cultureplus to help support our work. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In Season One, we looked at the representation of arts educators on television with Christina Anthony (Episode 8, for those who want to give it a listen). This season, we are taking a look at a few arts educators from the big screen, and who better to speak with than Dana Stevens, Slate's film critic since 2006 and a co-host of the Slate Culture Gabfest (the magazine's weekly culture podcast). She has also written for the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Atlantic and Bookforum. Her first book, Camera Man: Buster Keaton, the Dawn of Cinema, and the Invention of the Twentieth Century, was named one of the best books of 2022 by The New Yorker, NPR, and Publishers Weekly. Your homework, should you choose to accept it, is a rewatch of DEAD POETS SOCIETY, CAMP, and WHIPLASH. Check out more from Dana: Her (amazing) Buster Keaton book on Amazon: https://bit.ly/danastevensbusterkeaton Slate Culture Gabfest: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/culture-gabfest/id1482212953 IG: @thehighsign Century Tree; composed by Victoria Williams; performed by Aisha Dehaas, Idina Menzel, John Eric Parker; ℗ 2003 Universal Classics Group, a Division of UMG Recordings Inc.

On this week's show, the hosts begin by jumping into the fantastical world of Wonka, a prequel to Roald Dahl's enduring novel that explores the origins of its famously impish character, Willy Wonka, portrayed here by a wide-eyed, sugary sweet Timothée Chalamet. The musical film, directed by Paul King (Paddington, Paddington 2) isn't the kind of movie you want to pick on–it undoubtedly has a warm heart–but has the effect of watching a lucrative homework assignment. Then, the three switch gears and review Maestro, a biopic (if you can even call it that) about one of America's greatest cultural luminaries and public educators, Leonard Bernstein. Directed by and starring Bradley Cooper as “Lenny,” the film explores Bernstein's complicated marriage with Felicia Montealegre (played spectacularly by Carey Mulligan) and the couple's struggle to balance Lenny's public genius with his life as a closeted gay man. (For more on Cooper's prosthetic nose, read Mark Harris' comprehensive essay for Slate, “The Bradley Cooper ‘Jewface' Controversy Isn't Really About That Nose.”) Finally, the panel is led by ringmaster extraordinaire, Dana Stevens, through Slate's 2023 Movie Club, an annual digital roundtable featuring conversations between prominent film critics and writers as they look back through a year in film. This year, Bilge Ebiri (film critic for New York Magazine and Vulture), entertainment writer Esther Zuckerman, and film historian Mark Harris contribute, along with features from Nadira Goffe, Sam Adams, and the project's editor, Dan Kois.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel embraces a post-holiday theme and discusses memorable gifts: their favorites and the ones that got away, inspired by a recent episode from the podcast Scriptnotes.  Email us at culturefest@slate.com. Outro music: “Spinning the Wheels” by Dusty Decks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's show, the hosts begin by jumping into the fantastical world of Wonka, a prequel to Roald Dahl's enduring novel that explores the origins of its famously impish character, Willy Wonka, portrayed here by a wide-eyed, sugary sweet Timothée Chalamet. The musical film, directed by Paul King (Paddington, Paddington 2) isn't the kind of movie you want to pick on–it undoubtedly has a warm heart–but has the effect of watching a lucrative homework assignment. Then, the three switch gears and review Maestro, a biopic (if you can even call it that) about one of America's greatest cultural luminaries and public educators, Leonard Bernstein. Directed by and starring Bradley Cooper as “Lenny,” the film explores Bernstein's complicated marriage with Felicia Montealegre (played spectacularly by Carey Mulligan) and the couple's struggle to balance Lenny's public genius with his life as a closeted gay man. (For more on Cooper's prosthetic nose, read Mark Harris' comprehensive essay for Slate, “The Bradley Cooper ‘Jewface' Controversy Isn't Really About That Nose.”) Finally, the panel is led by ringmaster extraordinaire, Dana Stevens, through Slate's 2023 Movie Club, an annual digital roundtable featuring conversations between prominent film critics and writers as they look back through a year in film. This year, Bilge Ebiri (film critic for New York Magazine and Vulture), entertainment writer Esther Zuckerman, and film historian Mark Harris contribute, along with features from Nadira Goffe, Sam Adams, and the project's editor, Dan Kois.  In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, the panel embraces a post-holiday theme and discusses memorable gifts: their favorites and the ones that got away, inspired by a recent episode from the podcast Scriptnotes.  Email us at culturefest@slate.com. Outro music: “Spinning the Wheels” by Dusty Decks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Life & Art presents a special episode from Slate's Culture Gabfest podcast, hosted by culture critics Stephen Metcalf, Dana Stevens and Julia Turner. The three hosts first explore Renaissance: A Film by Beyoncé with Slate culture writer (and Beyhive stan) Nadira Goffe. Then, they consider Todd Haynes' May December, an emotionally curious, tonally dissonant study of life's grey areas starring Natalie Portman, longtime collaborator Julianne Moore and Charles Melton. Finally, the three are joined by EEFOP (Exceedingly Exceptional Friend of the Pod), Slate writer Dan Kois to discuss Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Lost Christmas!, a posthumous sequel to Theodor Geisel's iconic 1957 children's book. Life & Arts will return with regular episodes next week.-------We love hearing from you! Write us. You can email us at lifeandart@ft.com or message Lilah on Instagram @lilahrap. -------Special FT subscription offers for Life and Art podcast listeners, from 50% off a digital subscription to a $1/£1/€1 trial, are here: http://ft.com/lifeandart Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We wrap up our first season — a full year of shows — in true season finale fashion: with a super-sized clip show, featuring some of our favorite segments from the past year, including our own Top 5 (of the best movies we watched for the first time for the show). Plus, a very good origin story, background on some of our most cherished episodes, and more!The headlines segment is from Episode 11: 1975 with Sean Burns, which you can listen to here. Tracks is from Episode 6: 1976 with Noah Segan, which you can listen to here. Martha Marcy May Marlene is from Episode 27: 2011 with Kristen Meinzer, which you can listen to here. MMMM is available for digital rental or purchase.Babo 73 is from Episode 15: 1964 with Frank Conniff, which you can listen to here. Babo 73 is currently streaming on the Criterion Channel. Stalker is from Episode 14: 1979 with Bradford Young, which you can listen to here. Stalker is currently streaming on HBO Max and the Criterion Channel. And Sunrise is from Episode 3: 1927 with Dana Stevens, which you can listen to here. Sunrise is currently streaming on Tubi, Hoopla, the Roku Channel, and Classix. The awards and box office segment is from Episode 30: 1972 with Judy Becker, which you can listen to here; the lightning round is from Episode 23: 1993 with Karina Longworth, which you can listen to here. Thank you so much for supporting us over the course of this first season! Become a member for Bonus Episodes, personal stories of working in the industry, and yes - EVEN MORE MOVIES. https://plus.acast.com/s/a-very-good-year. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The name ANNE REVERE may not ring a bell to many today, but during the 1940s, the Broadway-trained, Tony-winning actress, who was a descendant of Revolutionary War hero Paul Revere, was one of the most revered character actresses in Hollywood. She won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar in 1944 for National Velvet and left an indelible mark on the landscape of film as Gregory Peck's sympathetic mother in Gentleman's Agreement in 1947. Learn about her life, career, and the shameful witch hunt of an obsessed Wisconsin Senator looking to make a name for himself that ended her brilliant Hollywood career. _________________________________________ Sources: The Film Encyclopedia (1994), By Ephraim Katz;  Leonard Maltin's Movie Encyclopedia (1994), by Leonard Maltin; The Hollywood Motion Picture Blacklist: Seventy-Five Years Later (2022), by Larry Ceplair; Un-American Hollywood: Politics and Film in the Blacklist Era (2007), by Peter Stanfield, et. al; Tender Comrades: A Backstory of the Hollywood Black List (2012), by Patrick McGilligan and Paul Buhle; “Anne Revere Begins Again” by Robert Fray, After Dark magazine, December 1970;  “Anne Revere Bio,” Spartacus Educational, by John Simon; “Horse Sense: What I Learned About Bring A Mother From ‘National Velvet's' Arminty Brown,” by Dana Stevens, Slate.com, April 11, 2014; “Anne Revere, 87, Actress, Dies; Was Movie Mother of Many Stars,” by Peter B. Flint, The New York Times, December 19, 1990; imdb.com; _____________________________________________ http://www.airwavemedia.com Please contact sales@advertisecast.com if you would like to advertise on our podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Due to the ongoing refusal of the AMPTP to negotiate in good faith with the WGA or with our union brothers and sisters in SAG/AFTRA, we've decided to hit pause on discussing more current releases, since (in our own bizarro way) it could promote that work. Instead, we're using this opportunity to go back in time and discuss some silly releases from the past, starting out with some films 90's kids will remember. This week, we're discussing 1995's Sandra Bullock techno-thriller The Net, a movie about the horrors of the internet that seemed prescient and terrifying at the time, and now just seems kind of goofy, considering that the horrors of the internet were way different than those it imagines.Check out more info about our season of streaming shows, FLOP TV, and buy tickets!Donate to the Entertainment Community Fund here, to support those affected by the WGA strike.Wikipedia page for The NetRecommended in this episode:Camera Man, by Dana Stevens (a cultural biography of Buster Keaton)Dressed to Kill (1980)Sing and Like It (1934)Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use FLOP for 30% off + Free Shipping.

This week, Dana Stevens is joined first by Slate senior editor Sam Adams and ICYMI co-host Candice Lim to examine Wes Anderson's latest film, Asteroid City. Then, the trio discusses why the sixth season of Black Mirror feels so disjointed. Finally, Dana and Candice explore the ethics of true crime content—and its devout followers—with Slate podcast producer and host Cheyna Roth inspired by a recent piece by The Atlantic, “The Gross Spectacle of Murder Fandom.” In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, Dana, Candice, and Cheyna delve into TikTok's latest trend: “beige flags.” Not quite red or alarming, nor something you absolutely love, beige flags are little quirks a person reveals that makes you go, “Hmm… okay.” Their conversation is inspired by Buzzfeed's “‘My Boyfriend Always Asks The Waiter What To Order'” and The Cut's “So What's Your ‘Beige Flag?'” Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dana: Reality — Based on the real-life FBI interrogation transcript of whistleblower Reality Winner (played wonderfully by Sydney Sweeney), Dana describes HBO Max's Reality as a surprisingly experimental film that manages to recount the story of a historical event without any dramatic reenactments or fictionalized scenarios.  Candice: Glossy: Ambition, Beauty, and the Inside Story of Emily Weiss's Glossier — Written by Marisa Meltzer, Glossy exposes the history of Glossier, one of America's hottest and most consequential startups and examines the enigmatic woman responsible for it all. A must read for any Girl Boss obsessives.  Cheyna: Below Deck — If you're looking for fun, “turn your brain off” television, it doesn't get much better than Below Deck, according to Cheyna. Below Deck (and its many Bravo spin-off series) follows the crews of luxury sailing yachts and all of the mess and drama that comes along with the job. Outro music: “You Know What I Want” by Staffan Carlen.  Podcast production by Cameron Drews and Jared Downing. Production assistance by Kat Hong.  Hosts Dana Stevens, Candice Lim, Sam Adams, Cheyna Roth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Dana Stevens is joined first by Slate senior editor Sam Adams and ICYMI co-host Candice Lim to examine Wes Anderson's latest film, Asteroid City. Then, the trio discusses why the sixth season of Black Mirror feels so disjointed. Finally, Dana and Candice explore the ethics of true crime content—and its devout followers—with Slate podcast producer and host Cheyna Roth inspired by a recent piece by The Atlantic, “The Gross Spectacle of Murder Fandom.” In the exclusive Slate Plus segment, Dana, Candice, and Cheyna delve into TikTok's latest trend: “beige flags.” Not quite red or alarming, nor something you absolutely love, beige flags are little quirks a person reveals that makes you go, “Hmm… okay.” Their conversation is inspired by Buzzfeed's “‘My Boyfriend Always Asks The Waiter What To Order'” and The Cut's “So What's Your ‘Beige Flag?'” Email us at culturefest@slate.com.  Endorsements: Dana: Reality — Based on the real-life FBI interrogation transcript of whistleblower Reality Winner (played wonderfully by Sydney Sweeney), Dana describes HBO Max's Reality as a surprisingly experimental film that manages to recount the story of a historical event without any dramatic reenactments or fictionalized scenarios.  Candice: Glossy: Ambition, Beauty, and the Inside Story of Emily Weiss's Glossier — Written by Marisa Meltzer, Glossy exposes the history of Glossier, one of America's hottest and most consequential startups and examines the enigmatic woman responsible for it all. A must read for any Girl Boss obsessives.  Cheyna: Below Deck — If you're looking for fun, “turn your brain off” television, it doesn't get much better than Below Deck, according to Cheyna. Below Deck (and its many Bravo spin-off series) follows the crews of luxury sailing yachts and all of the mess and drama that comes along with the job. Outro music: “You Know What I Want” by Staffan Carlen.  Podcast production by Cameron Drews and Jared Downing. Production assistance by Kat Hong.  Hosts Dana Stevens, Candice Lim, Sam Adams, Cheyna Roth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Great Stone Face…The Little Boy Who Couldn't Be Damaged…whatever you call him, Buster Keaton is one of the most important figures in film history, and we couldn't be happier to be spotlight him in our latest series PODCAST JR. Our beloved Dana Stevens - writer of the fantastic Keaton tome “Camera Man” - joins us to set the table as we dive into the filmography of one of Griffin's favorite artists. We're going into Buster's start as a vaudeville child star (sometimes in “Irish face”), the qualities of his work that distinguish him from peers Charlie Chaplin and Harold Lloyd, and we're dissecting the gags and stunts featured in his first two feature films. Plus - Griffin gives one of his worst Box Office Game performances, and we all learn a bit about early child labor laws. Guest Links:  Get Dana's book "Camera Man" now in paperback  Read Dana's film criticism  Listen to Dana on Slate Culture Gabfest This episode is sponsored by:  Indeed (indeed.com/check) Stamps.com (CODE: CHECK) Join our Patreon at patreon.com/blankcheck Follow us @blankcheckpod on Twitter and Instagram! Buy some real nerdy merch at shopblankcheckpod.myshopify.com or at teepublic.com/stores/blank-check

We explore the subtle genius of a man often remembered for pratfalls and sight gags. Buster Keaton was a silent film star in the 1920s, but he was far more than an actor and stuntman. He conceived and directed his films, cited by some of America's leading filmmakers as inspirations. We speak with Slate film critic Dana Stevens, whose book examines Keaton's work and influence, and chronicles his colorful life. Her book, Camera Man, is now out in paperback. Justin Chang reviews the new film Palm Trees & Power Lines.

In this installment of Best Of The Gist, we've got some bonus material from Mike's interview with Slate film critic Dana Stevens about the 2023 Oscar nominees, which were announced this past Tuesday. Then we're replaying the Thursday Spiel about the resignation of New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern … a Spiel Mike is rethinking. Produced by Joel Patterson and Corey Wara Email us at thegist@mikepesca.com To advertise on the show, visit: https://advertisecast.com/TheGist  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A woman talking to a man about Women Talking is one way to describe Mike's conversation with Slate film critic Dana Stevens about the best films and the best reasons to care about the Oscars. Plus, Turkey Western Blocs Sweden and Finland. And it's an Antwentig! Produced by Joel Patterson and Corey Wara Email us at thegist@mikepesca.com To advertise on the show, visit: https://advertisecast.com/TheGist Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Delayed nearly three years by the pandemic, but, in many ways, 18 years in the making, the show's live NYC debut was worth all the waiting. Joined by Slate's Dana Stevens and Griffin Newman from the Blank Check podcast, plus Matt Singer (ScreenCrush) and Alison Willmore (Vulture), formerly of Filmspotting: SVU, Adam and Josh brought the year-end Wrap Party to the stage at Brooklyn's Bell House in front of a packed house. In addition to their picks for opening scene, funniest and most moving moment, best music moment, and scene of the year, the show also features Matt breaking into song, a provocative "Top Gun: Maverick" theory from Alison, and Dana Stevens directing Griffin Newman and "Wicked"'s Jeff Heimbrock in a very special edition of Massacre Theatre. 1:08 - Intro 12:41 - Opening Scenes 28:02 - Moving Scenes 43:09 - Funniest Scenes w/Griffin Newman 1:05:33 - Music Moments w/Alison Willmore and Matt Singer 1:37:48 - 2022 Golden Brick Award 1:41:45 - Scenes of the Year w/Dana Stevens 2:08:16 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices