Podcasts about us getting past you

Terry Real is a nationally recognized family therapist, author, and teacher. His book I Don't Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, the first book ever written on the topic of male depression, is a national bestseller. His new book, Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship is a New York Times bestseller.Sponsors:Cresset prestigious family office for CEOs, founders, and entrepreneurs: https://cressetcapital.com/tim (book a call today)Ramp easy-to-use corporate cards, bill payments, accounting, and more: https://ramp.com/tim (Get $250 when you join Ramp)Wealthfront high-yield cash account: https://Wealthfront.com/Tim (Start earning 4.00% APY on your short-term cash until you're ready to invest. And when new clients open an account today, you can get an extra fifty-dollar bonus with a deposit of five hundred dollars or more.) Terms apply. Tim Ferriss receives cash compensation from Wealthfront Brokerage, LLC for advertising and holds a non-controlling equity interest in the corporate parent of Wealthfront Brokerage. See full disclosures here.*For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.For deals from sponsors of The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast-sponsorsSign up for Tim's email newsletter (5-Bullet Friday) at tim.blog/friday.For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.Discover Tim's books: tim.blog/books.Follow Tim:Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss Instagram: instagram.com/timferrissYouTube: youtube.com/timferrissFacebook: facebook.com/timferriss LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/timferrissPast guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, Margaret Atwood, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Thiel, Dr. Gabor Maté, Anne Lamott, Sarah Silverman, Dr. Andrew Huberman, and many more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Betrayed to Connected: Reclaiming Your Voice, Power & Relationships With Terry Real After infidelity, you don't just want to survive, you want to reclaim yourself, maybe your relationship, and thrive. Join Lora Cheadle, infidelity recovery advocate, and believer that women do not need to stuck in the devastation of betrayal forever, alongside renowned relationship therapist Terry Real, as they challenge misconceptions, cut through the noise, and help you take back your power. In this episode, Terry Real breaks down why traditional therapy often fails betrayed partners, the difference between individual and relational empowerment, and how to advocate for yourself without getting stuck in blame or resentment. Whether you're staying or leaving, you'll learn to transform your pain into a catalyst for joy, confidence, and the life you truly deserve. Top 3 Takeaways: Infidelity is a trauma, not a failure. Your pain is real, and healing starts with acknowledging the depth of your experience. Healing is about transformation, not just survival. The goal isn't returning to what was—it's creating something better, whether with or without your partner. Empowerment is relational, not individual. True healing comes when you reclaim your voice, set boundaries, and cultivate relationships that support your growth. Tune in weekly for insights, expert interviews, and real-world tools to help you rise, reign, and reclaim your worth. Ready to heal your body and mind after betrayal? Download your free Betrayal Recovery Toolkit at BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and book a complimentary 30-minute consultation with Lora today! About Terry Real: The author of four books, including the recent New York Times bestseller Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, Terry knows how to lead people on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy and personal fulfillment.   His revolutionary approach to couples therapy, Relational Life Therapy, underpins all his books, courses, and teachings. RLT equips people with the powerful relational skills they need to make love work and cultivate authentic connections—to themselves, each other, and the planet as a whole. A former senior faculty member of the Family Institute of Cambridge in Massachusetts and a retired Clinical Fellow of the Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists. His extraordinary ability to save couples on the brink of divorce garnered Terry the reputation of “the turnaround guy,” and demand from other therapists to learn his RLT method skyrocketed.   To bring the remarkable results of RLT to as many people as possible, Terry established his Relational Life Institute. To date, thousands of mental health practitioners have benefited from a whole new perspective on couples therapy that has transformed their clients, their practice, and their own relationships.  Perhaps you're looking for guidance on how to restore closeness in your relationship, or maybe you're currently single but looking to learn the skills to build healthier connections. Either way, you're in the right place. Here, you'll find a wealth of resources—from free resources to online courses, all designed to help you forge healthy, fulfilling relationships that last a lifetime.  Special Announcement! Don't miss Lora Cheadle's new book, "It's Not Burnout, It's Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive," This essential guide differentiates between burnout and betrayal, offering five transformative steps to recovery. Available on Amazon. www.itsnotburnoutitsbetrayal.com Get your free downloadable guide on the “The Top Three Ways You Betray Yourself Every Day, and How to Stop” at www.burnoutorbetrayal.com. If you're ready to Rise Up & Reign as the creator and queen of your life, let's talk. I will walk by your side and give you the perspective, permission, and wisdom needed to turn your betrayal experience into something constructive, empowering, and transformative in all the right ways.  Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social! Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com, a guide designed to help you take the first steps in feeling better, so you can reclaim your power, own your worth, and start putting yourself, and your life, back together again. About Lora: Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace. After being shattered by her husband's fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose. As the founder of Life Choreography Coaching & Advocacy, Lora provides comprehensive legal, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual support on demand. She believes that infidelity doesn't have to be the end of the dream you poured your heart and soul into—it can be the beginning of a life filled with sovereignty, connection, and joy. Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing. She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It's Not Burnout, It's Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal. Based in Colorado, Lora is an adventure-seeker who loves travel, a great book, and saying yes to life's magic. Get the support you need to find your footing, begin making sense of it all, and feel better fast. As an attorney, betrayal recovery expert, and survivor of infidelity I can help you find the clarity and confidence to create a life that you love on the other side of betrayal. Book Your Session Here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/coaching-session Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT  READY TO START A BETTER CHAPTER? Step into the future you've always dreamed of with the power of transformative rituals with the Mindful Subscription Box. Get a monthly box full of crystals, aromatherapy, and other spiritual tools worth $120. You deserve high-quality gems, crystals, oils, and mindfulness tools for self-care that truly work. It's a monthly dose of self-love delivered right to your door! Go to www.Mindfulsouls.com  and use Discount Code LORA25 for 25% off your order!

For this episode, I'm doing something a bit different. I'm featuring five chapters from the audiobook Fierce Intimacy by Terry Real. What you will hear in this episode will help you identify both your and your partner's losing strategies in relationships, and help you move from disharmony to repair. Terry is the creator of Relational Life Therapy, or RLT, which underpins all his books, courses, and teachings and equips people with the powerful relational skills they need to make love work. He is also the author of five books, including the New York Times bestseller Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. And if you'd like an extra dose of calm, I recommend checking out Henry Shukman, a past podcast guest and one of only a few dozen masters in the world authorized to teach Sanbo Zen. Henry's app, The Way, has changed my life. I've been using it daily, often twice a day, and it's lowered my anxiety more than I thought possible. For 30 free sessions, just visit thewayapp.com/tim. No credit card required.Excerpted from Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another with LOVE by Terry Real (Sounds True, 2018.). Used with permission.*For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.For deals from sponsors of The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast-sponsorsSign up for Tim's email newsletter (5-Bullet Friday) at tim.blog/friday.For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.Discover Tim's books: tim.blog/books.Follow Tim:Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss Instagram: instagram.com/timferrissYouTube: youtube.com/timferrissFacebook: facebook.com/timferriss LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/timferrissPast guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, Margaret Atwood, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Thiel, Dr. Gabor Maté, Anne Lamott, Sarah Silverman, Dr. Andrew Huberman, and many more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After infidelity, you don't just want to survive—you want to reclaim yourself, maybe your relationship, and thrive. Join Lora Cheadle, infidelity recovery advocate, and believer that women do not need to stuck in the devastation of betrayal forever, alongside renowned relationship therapist Terry Real, as they challenge misconceptions, cut through the noise, and help you take back your power. In this episode, Terry Real breaks down why traditional therapy often fails betrayed partners, the difference between individual and relational empowerment, and how to advocate for yourself without getting stuck in blame or resentment. Whether you're staying or leaving, you'll learn to transform your pain into a catalyst for joy, confidence, and the life you truly deserve. Top 3 Takeaways: Infidelity is a trauma, not a failure. Your pain is real, and healing starts with acknowledging the depth of your experience. Healing is about transformation, not just survival. The goal isn't returning to what was—it's creating something better, whether with or without your partner. Empowerment is relational, not individual. True healing comes when you reclaim your voice, set boundaries, and cultivate relationships that support your growth. Tune in weekly for insights, expert interviews, and real-world tools to help you rise, reign, and reclaim your worth.  

Exploring Terry Real's Us: Healing Through Connection and Recognizing the Inner Child Episode Summary: In this episode, Amanda, Laura, and Kendra continue their mini-series based on Terry Real's book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. The focus is on recognizing how the "adaptive child" shows up in relationships, understanding the concept of relational trauma, and learning how to move toward healthier, more connected relationships. This deep dive explores the impact of past experiences on present behaviors and how to intentionally shift away from maladaptive patterns. What You'll Learn in This Episode: Understanding the Adaptive Child: How childhood coping mechanisms develop to protect us. Why these mechanisms often sabotage adult relationships. Identifying when your adaptive child is triggered. Trauma and Its Effects: The difference between Big T Trauma and Little t trauma. How even good parents can unintentionally pass down wounds. The concept of relational trauma and its generational impact. The Relationship Grid: Terry Real's trauma and relationship grid explained. How grandiosity, boundaries, and self-esteem interact in relationships. Recognizing where you tend to fall on the grid during conflict. Practical Strategies for Healing and Growth: How to nurture your inner child and develop your wise adult self. Tools to help you shift from reactive states to a place of connection. The importance of intentionality in countering society's individualistic bias. Key Quotes: "The only person who can consistently nurture and support your inner child is you." "Real maturity comes when we tend to our inner children ourselves and don't inflict them on our partners to care for." "Awareness is the first step to change. Once you become aware of your tendencies, the threshold for healthier relationships becomes lower." Actionable Takeaways: Reflect on your adaptive child's tendencies by asking: Who did I see this from? Who did it to me? Who did I do it to, and no one stopped me? Practice recognizing triggers and responding with grace and self-compassion. Use Terry Real's relationship grid to identify patterns and set goals for moving toward the center of health in relationships. Resources Mentioned: Terry Real's book: Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Episode 135: How to Do Repairs with Your Children. Free video: How to Crush Physician Burnout for Good Without Cutting Back Hours, Quitting Medicine, or Sucking Up in Silence – Click Here to Watch. Link to the Relationship Grid. Get Involved: Share your insights and experiences! Email us at podcast@thewholephysician.com. Leave us a 5-star review with a sentence or two—your feedback helps other doctors find us and builds our community. Closing Notes: You are whole, you are a gift to medicine, and the work you do matters. Until next time, remember that healing and connection are always possible. If you found this episode valuable, don't forget to subscribe and share it with a friend who might benefit! Resources: Link to Grid Link to Us Book Link to Free Session Link to Free Video

Welcome back to the podcast! Today, we're diving into *Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship* by Terrence Real. This book has left a deep impact on all three of us, Amanda, Laura, and Kendra, and we're excited to share key insights on how to foster deeper connections in relationships. 1. The Three Selves in Relationships Terrence Real introduces the concepts of the "Wounded Child," "Adaptive Child," and "Wise Adult" within us. Each part can impact our interactions, especially in times of stress. For example, when stress triggers the Adaptive Child, we might revert to defensive, perfectionistic, or rigid responses, limiting our ability to connect. 2. Moving Toward the Wise Adult The Wise Adult is the part of us capable of emotional regulation, grounded in the present moment, and focused on the “us” in relationships rather than just "me versus you." Practicing "relational mindfulness," as Real describes it, helps us move from reactionary behavior to thoughtful responses that prioritize the relationship. 3. Relational Mindfulness and Power Dynamics Real's approach encourages moving from a "power-over" to a "power-with" perspective. Relational mindfulness is about becoming aware of our own impulses and prioritizing the relationship ecosystem over individual needs. This doesn't mean neglecting personal needs but rather not letting those needs dominate interactions. 4. Relational Heroism Real's wife, Belinda, coined the term "relational heroism" for moments when, instead of defaulting to old habits, we choose connection and insight. This shift from automatic, defensive reactions to thoughtful, relational actions requires self-awareness and discipline. 5. Self-Responsibility and Maturity Maturity in relationships involves taking full responsibility for our actions and emotional triggers. This means acknowledging when we're operating from an adaptive, defensive place rather than our wise, grounded self. Understanding our reactions and managing triggers is essential for healthier connections. 6. Interpersonal Neurobiology Real touches on the science of how our central nervous system and relationships are deeply intertwined. Our early life experiences shape how we perceive intimacy and connection in adult relationships. Relationships are meant to be a source of co-regulation, enhancing our physical and emotional well-being. 7. The Importance of Connection Real discusses “Social Baseline Theory,” which emphasizes the evolutionary benefits of social connections. These connections help us conserve energy, regulate emotions, and mitigate risk. This need for connection is evident in research on loneliness and isolation, underscoring the importance of close, supportive relationships. 8. Understanding Subjective Reality Real emphasizes that subjective experience is often more important than objective facts. Accepting your partner's perception of reality can improve understanding and reduce conflict, shifting from a “me versus you” mentality to an “us” mindset. 9. The Framework of Connection True intimacy is built through awareness of each other's needs, emotions, and triggers. Individuality has its place, but lasting relationships thrive on mutual understanding, shared values, and a focus on connection over competition. Additional Resources and Final Thoughts As we continue our journey through this book, we invite you to explore Real's work, available in his books, online resources, and YouTube videos. Thank you for joining us today—be sure to check out our new free video linked in the show notes. Remember, you are whole, your gift to medicine is unique, and the work you do matters. https://www.amazon.com/Us-Getting-Build-Loving-Relationship/dp/0593233670 https://terryreal.com/ https://www.youtube.com/@realterryreal Check out our new video, "How to Crush Physician Burnout for Good, without Quitting Medicine, Cutting Back Hours, or Sucking it Up in Silence"-click here!

This week, Terry Real, renowned couples therapist and author “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship” reflects on the keys to building a successful long term relationship. In order to change inherited behaviors and dysfunction, Real cites his own struggle with family trauma and offers hope that with courage, discipline and hardwork change is indeed possible.   This episode of Life Examined with Terry Real was originally broadcast June 23rd, 2024

Getting car sick can really ruin a trip – for EVERYONE in the car! But maybe you've heard – there are now motion sickness glasses. Do they work? Reader's Digest tested them and a lot of their readers left reviews. Listen and you will hear what they said. https://www.rd.com/article/motion-sickness-glasses/ How can you be in a relationship and still be your individual self? That can be a tricky balance. And it has gotten even trickier as we have moved into our “It's-all-about-me” culture. Joining me to offer some insight into this is internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author Terrence Real. author of the book US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (https://amzn.to/3bLzN6N). Terry's website is https://www.terryreal.com Who doesn't want to smell nice? Soaps, candles, laundry detergent, perfume – we really want everything and everyone to smell ever so lovely. But why? When did this all start? Listen to my guest Elise Pearlstine, a natural perfumer, consultant, and educator and author of a book called Scent: A Natural History of Fragrance. (https://amzn.to/3AtMA8b). If you have ever wondered why flowers or the smell of cut grass or vanilla smell so good, listen to find out. One of the worst things about summer is getting into a hot car that has been sitting in the sun. However, there is a way you can cool the car down before you get in it. Listen and I will tell you this fast and effective technique. https://www.wikihow.com/Cool-a-Hot-Car-as-Quickly-as-Possible PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! Indeed is offering SYSK listeners a $75 Sponsored Job Credit to get your jobs more visibility at https://Indeed.com/SOMETHING Go to https://Shopify.com/sysk now to grow your business - no matter what stage you're in! eBay Motors has 122 million parts for your #1 ride-or-die, to make sure it stays running smoothly. Keep your ride alive at https://eBayMotors.com We really like The Jordan Harbinger Show! Check out https://jordanharbinger.com/start OR search for it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Terry Real, renowned couples therapist and author of Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, shares insights and strategies on the building of long-term relationships in a society that values individualism and personal growth. 

After 30 years of experience counseling couples, therapist Terry Real reflects on what makes building a long-term relationship difficult and the skills needed to keep a partnership intact. Reals says that even with changing dynamics and non-traditional partnerships, the age-old problems still exist. “Despite all of the gender fluidity and all of the experimentation, a two-person paired-for-life, monogamous core, is still alive and well and extremely difficult.” The pressure is on to find that “perfect” someone, yet, despite the romantic “idealization” of coupledom, promoted by a booming dating and marriage industry, the reality is that most couples won’t last a decade together, much less a lifetime. The US Census Bureau reports that most marriages last on average 8 years. Real says the odds in the U.S. are that roughly 50% of all marriages will end in divorce -  “the failure rate on marriage has hovered at about 40-50% for half a century.” The reason, Real explains, is that “we want to be lifelong lovers; we want long walks on the beach, we want heart-to-heart talks, great sex in our 60s and 70s but we don't have the skills to match this new ambition. We are trying to be lifelong lovers in a culture that does not cherish relationships.” We live in a society, Real argues, that asserts individualism. “We don't teach our sons and daughters and non-binary kids how to fight fair, how to stand up for yourself in a loving way. We don't teach the basic skills of relationships in this culture because we don't value it.” So what are the chances a couple has to beat the odds?  What’s the key to staying together? According to Real, it’s “hard work” and “it’s very rare that people have the discipline.” Relationship skills need to be learned and practiced. Real suggests that “basic relationship skills [be] taught in elementary and junior high.” Real, who’s also the founder of the Relationship Life Institute and author of numerous books including most recently Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, talks specifically about the impact of inherited family pathologies. He advises the reopening of childhood trauma to heal old wounds;  “Family pathology rolls from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children.” In his book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, author Terrance Real says “we don't teach the basic skills of relationship in this culture because we don't value it. We're supposed to just know how to do it and most long-term relationships crash and burn. The failure rate on marriage has  hovered at about 40-50% for half a century.” Terry Real, pictured here, says “ you can have a superlative relationship if you're with a partner you love who is also in on the game and willing to do the work themselves. If both of you are willing to do that and you have the basic chemistry that drew you to each other to begin with,you can do it. But it's very rare that people have the discipline and the know-how to build it all.” Photo courtesy of Terrance Real at The Relational Life Institute Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook.

Who needs a love story with a bunch of PRACTICAL cues for working through arguments, repairing, and building every kind of intimacy? I have one for you! Today it's WITH LOVE, DANIELLE… and WILL! Eps 113 is deeply personal and FUN AF! We're getting married soon and now I'm telling the how-we-met story, how guarded I was, and when I declared “I want to be your person!”  Jump cut to managing our triggers, couples counseling, and our now legendary “Friday Check In Process”... that I super eff'd up early on but we've turned into an art. For dating, friendship, repair, forgiveness and heart centered relating in ALL relationships… have we got a simple rom-com for you. MENTIONED IN EPISODE 113: Read about our Friday Check-ins in Sacred Weekends Episode 1. Terry Real | Creator of Relational Life Therapy + author of Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship Brian Dean Williams | Therapy, Workshops + Clinical Supervision The Nourish System is a holistic approach to regulating your nervous system and steadying your relationships. LIMITED SEATS! The  INNER CIRCLE Business Accelerator is open accepting applications until May 23 (or sooner if full). Mentorship for your quantum leaps—6 months to clarity + prosperity…with integrity. The Heart Centered Membership is a support system for your body-mind-spirit…and your work in the world. A monthly workshop + audiobook series, with some self-help in the front and business in the back. Get on the wait list for when doors open in June.  Sacred Weekends is my (always free) newsletter for devotion + lifestyl'ish. 220k subscribers are digging it! 2 Fridays a month.  

Terry teaches the practice of relational mindfulness. He advises us to shift our view of relationship from a zero-sum situation where one person wins and the other loses, one is right and the other is wrong, he gives us examples of how to conduct skillful and effective communication in order to get off the treadmill of repetitive fights with our partners. Terry Real is a family therapist and author. He's the founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers Relational Life Therapy (RLT) courses online and in-person workshops for couples, individuals, parents, and professionals. He is the author of I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner 1998), How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Gap Between Men and Women (Simon & Schuster 2002), The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work (Ballantine Books 2008), Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Rodale Books 2022) Interview Date: 2/14/2024 Tags: Terry Real, hyper-individualism, toxic individualism, relational mindfulness, Relational Life Therapy, RLT, disharmony, repair, James Framo, marriage, patriarchy, non-binary, false binary, Thomas Hubl, wounded child, brain, interconnectedness, Relationship, Personal Transformation, Psychology

Terry Real is a family therapist and author. He's the founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers Relational Life Therapy (RLT) courses online and in-person workshops for couples, individuals, parents, and professionals. He is the author of I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner 1998), How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Gap Between Men and Women (Simon & Schuster 2002), The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work (Ballantine Books 2008) and Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Rodale Books 2022)Interview Date: 2/14/2024 Tags: Terry Real, marriage, relationship, James Framo, couples therapy, adaptive child, maladapted child, wise adult, Pia Mellody, self esteem, Relational Life Therapy, RLT, provocative distance taking, responsible distance taking, patriarchy, serenity prayer, personal biosphere, Relationship, Psychology, Personal Transformation

In this conversation, Michelle Renee and Grace Heer discuss the power of vulnerability and deep connection. They share personal experiences and insights on the importance of being authentic and open in relationships. They also explore the use of cards to deepen connections and create meaningful conversations. The conversation highlights the impact of vulnerability at events and the power of asking yourself what you need. They also discuss advice for mental health and self-care, as well as the process of figuring out what you want in life and listening to your body when making decisions. In this conversation, Michelle and Grace discuss the importance of exploring personal desires, taking care of mental health, recognizing the need for rest, listening to your body's signals, the importance of boredom and rest, balancing work and self-care, processing childhood experiences, and finding joy and self-care. Grace Heer is a professional cuddler, cuddle event facilitator, life coach, and end-of-life doula in Orange, CA. You can learn more about her at GracefulCuddles.com or on Facebook and Instagram at Grace Heer, Coaching and Cuddling. Links are on her website. Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee. Takeaways Take the time to explore your personal desires and what you truly want in the moment. Prioritize your mental health and find small ways to make up for neglecting it. Recognize the signs of needing rest and create white space in your schedule. Listen to your body's signals and pay attention to what it needs. Embrace boredom and rest as essential for rejuvenation and creativity. Find a balance between work and self-care to avoid burnout. Take the time to process and heal from childhood experiences. Find joy in simple activities and prioritize self-care. Remember to prioritize your own needs and take breaks when necessary. If you'd like to ask a question, for Michelle to answer on an episode, ⁠click here⁠. To grab your own set of We're Not Really Strangers, ⁠click here⁠. Links of note from today's episode: Michelle's Facebook 36 Questions to Fall in Love Kassandra Brown's Radical Listening Terry Real's book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

Reflecting on my past year with some random thoughts and updates. It's always good to look back a bit, don't you think? resources:*Us: Getting Past You & Me to Develop a More Loving Relationship by Terrance Real: https://amzn.to/45CX5TJ *All My Knotted Up Life by Beth Moore: https://amzn.to/485jQkx *get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp online therapy: betterhelp.com/allthattosay *Sixteen guided meditations: ⁠https://elisabethklein.com/guided-meditations/⁠ *Pause app: https://www.pauseapp.com/ *ALL COURSES now PAY WHAT YOU WANT: ⁠https://bit.ly/PAY-WHAT-YOU-WANT-FOR-ALMOST-EVERYTHING *to become a Patreon patron: ⁠patreon.com/elisabethklein⁠ morning prayer: this is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it; lead me to the ones I need and to the one needing me, and let something I do today be of eternal significance; and I receive all the mercy, love, healing and nourishment you wish to give me today --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/elisabeth-klein/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/elisabeth-klein/support

Is "Brain BS" messing with your relationship? (Spoiler alert: it probably is!) Maureen and I had a GREAT conversation about this, and more importantly, we talk about what to do about it! This conversation was so amazing that we decided to divide it into two parts. (twice as nice, am I right?) Subscribe so you don't miss the second half next week!! Maureen Kafkis is the host of The Brain BS Podcast. The podcast where thought work, emotional intelligence, Human Design and Universal Law come together to empower humans to master their brain BS (subconscious and unconscious programming) for success and create a nervous system to support it Maureen is a doctor of occupational therapy, a certified life coach, and an expert on brain BS. Her mission is to motivate humans to learn how to live consciously and approach life in a collaborative way where we all support one another and raise the vibration of the planet together . Maureen's Website: https://www.thebrainbs.com/ The Brain BS Podcast Community on FB https://www.facebook.com/groups/651943403024186 The Brain BS Podcast: https://www.thebrainbs.com/podcast Find her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maureen.kafkis.52 Books mentioned: "Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship," by Terrence Real https://www.amazon.com/s?k=us+terry+real&crid=33JENORUG7E5E&sprefix=us+terry+rea%2Caps%2C165&ref=nb_sb_noss_2 Why Talking Is Not Enough" by Susan Page https://www.amazon.com/s?k=when+talking+is+not+enough&crid=2UTY6TYU4PFZ&sprefix=when+talking+is+not+enough%2Caps%2C235&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 Looking for more fun ways to connect with your spouse? Get 24 super fun, free, and easy at home date ideas here: https://subscribepage.io/24athomedates Want to book a session now? Click here: https://calendly.com/andelinpricecoaching/life-coaching-session If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share it with friends!  Life without humor is not truly living!  We try not to take ourselves too seriously.   Connect with us: Website: https://andelinprice.com Email: info@andelinprice.com Facebook: https://facebook.com/andelinpricecoaching/ Instagram: https://instagram.com/andelinpricecoaching YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwaNdT_D6FtmnlrSZZ8LiXQ Podcast Music credit: Andelin Price Have a topic suggestion? Interested in being a guest? We are always looking for couples with interesting stories.  If this is you, send us an email!  We'd love to hear from you.

Terry Real returns to the podcast to discuss his new book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Terry is the creator of Relational Life Therapy (RLT), a methodology that helps individuals become conscious of negative behaviors and guides them through trauma and inner-child work in the presence of their partners in order to build stronger one-on-one relationships. Terry's new book expands on the foundations of RLT, helping couples move beyond toxic individualism and into more harmonious, “fully relational” lives. We're happy to announce the launch of our new group practice for individuals and couples in New York City, Modern Mind. If you're experiencing a sense of stuckness in your life or relationship, we're here to help. Reach out to us at info@lovelink.co and we'll connect you with a therapist who's the right fit for you. LOVELINK is hosted by Brooklyn-based therapists Dr. Signe Simon and Dr. Simone Humphrey. To learn more about our work, visit lovelink.co. If you'd like to contact us directly, send us an email to info@lovelink.co. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lovelink/support

Please give Talking to Teens 5 stars on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Reviews help other parents find us and helps us keep the lights on! Thanks for listening!For many of us, a perfectly harmonious home sounds like a dream. We'd love it if teens came home by curfew, our advice was always graciously accepted, and conflict was totally nonexistent. We'd never have to stress about what to make for dinner or worry about who our kids are hanging out with. Everything would be perfect and easy…right?As nice as harmony sounds, it's simply unrealistic–and not necessarily beneficial either. In fact, psychologists (like the one we're interviewing today) believe that conflict and disagreement are essential to building strong, nuanced, durable relationships with our kids. Without conflict, there's no repair. Without repair, relationships never grow and evolve.To explain how parents can embrace disrepair and negative emotions in relationships, we're sitting down with Terry Real, author of Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Terry is a world-renowned family therapist, speaker, and author of multiple other bestselling books about relationships. He's also the founder of the Relational Life Institute, where he offers workshops for parents, individuals and couples. He also holds professional training for clinicians to adopt his unique relational life therapy method.In this episode, we're talking about how conflict is essential to building strong bonds with kids. Plus, we discuss a concerning parenting phenomenon called false empowerment, and explain why parents need to encourage sensitivity in boys.

Guest host Allison Pataki speaks to bestselling author and renowned marriage and family counselor Terry Real about Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, a New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA TODAY bestselling relationship guidebook that critiques toxic individualism and teaches compassion and collaboration. Terry shares several real client stories to illustrate relational mindfulness, thinking individualistically vs. relationally, trauma triggers, and the inner child. He also shares how he handles his own fights with his wife and hints at his upcoming documentary!Purchase on Amazon or Bookshop.Amazon: bit.ly/3P4wg31Bookshop: bit.ly/3VrvK1zSubscribe to Zibby's weekly newsletter here.Purchase Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books merch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wrapping up my series on Terry Real and the message of his book, US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. I'm with my co-host Randy James, Medical Doctor and Functional Medicine expert and you're about to hear a very candid discussion on this concept of being we, without losing me. Randy listened to my conversation with Terry in episode 1029 and came into the discussion with his own insights, questions, and grapplings. We hit on some big issues, like the wedding tradition of each person having a candle, lighting one candle in the middle, then blowing out their individual candle. Is that really the intended  idea of marriage? And do you come into union with anyone so they “complete you” as the Jerry Maguire movie celebrated? Are you not to be complete on your own? Randy and I have been best friends for nearly a decade and partnered in multiple business endeavors and much of this US concept is relevant for our relationship, and we also bring in parenting to this US concept. I'm eager for you to hear this conversation and would be honored to hear your feedback. Self-Help(ful) is presented by Ziglar, the most trusted brand in personal and business development impacting over 250 million people worldwide. Visit Ziglar.com to see how they can inspire your true performance. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I'm back with internationally renowned family therapist Terry Real to walk through his personal values, motives, and habits in the key areas of life fulfillment so we can hear what has driven and does drive him to devote his life and livelihood to helping us have better relationships, with ourselves and others, and what he does to design a life that fulfills him.  If you listened to our first discussion together, you heard some of Terry's traumatic childhood. In this talk he discusses relational practices and struggles with his wife, enduring two bouts with cancer, how even into his 50s he loathed himself. And now what he does to help him hold himself tenderly and his testimony that today it's really pleasant to live in his skin. For some reason Terry delivers his insights in a way that is so incredibly humble and real, and I can relate to. He has such understanding and compassionate counsel. And he's a great storyteller, and you'll hear some great ones here. His new book again that I am wholeheartedly endorsing it US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Get it anywhere, and find him at terryreal.com where he has courses and classes and incredibly valuable resources to take advantage of and benefit from, immediately. Self-Help(ful) is presented by Ziglar, the most trusted brand in personal and business development impacting over 250 million people worldwide. Visit Ziglar.com to see how they can inspire your true performance. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I've been fairly candid about my own, ongoing work with counselors, historically, and today. My current counselor really got deep with me into my relationship with myself and recommended a book called “​​I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression,” by a therapist named Terry Real. I got it and read it and it opened up a whole new level of understanding myself. Terry just recently put out a book called US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. My therapist got it and right away said, “Kevin, I want you to get this book.” I did. It revealed aspects of how I behave unhealthfully in relationships that are nothing less than revolutionary for my life. As an individual, spouse, parent, and more. And bigger picture, how we culturally live as “you and me” and individuals when the bedrock of our being is relational and us. It will either wow you as it did me, or you'll have to fully dismiss it. And I don't think you will. I then went to find out who this guy is and found this book US was was published by Goop press, which is founded and owned by famed actress and client of Terry's, Gwynyth Paltrow. Same with actor Bradley Cooper who emphatically endorses Terry. But then people like famed psychotherapists Esther Perel and Lori Gottliev I find are touting Terry and this book us. And interestingly, the forward is from one of Terry's patients. The forward alone rocked my world. It's by a singer you may have heard of. Bruce Springsteen. But it's not the celebrity component that impresses me, it's the humble and heartfelt words they shared about their life changes. Bruce said, “At age thirty two I hit an emotional wall and realized I was lost in a deep dark forest, largely of my own making without a map. So began forty years of trying to find my way through the shadowed trees, down to the river of a sustaining life. Terry Real has been a guide and this book is a map through those trees. I agree. I wanted to share Terry with you, so this episode is part one of my discussion with him. Find him at terryreal.com. Self-Help(ful) is presented by Ziglar, the most trusted brand in personal and business development impacting over 250 million people worldwide. Visit Ziglar.com to see how they can inspire your true performance. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Whether you're single, in a relationship, married, or in an entanglement of sorts then this episode is a must listen. Heather is joined by internationally recognized family therapist and author Terry Real. Trust us when we say that you're going to want to grab pen and paper because this episode is full of knowledge. Heather and Terry get down to the nitty gritty of relationships and discuss all aspects of a partnership--from the differences between a good and a bad one (it's not as obvious as you might think) to the mysticism of marriage and why it does more harm than good. Think marriage will solve all your triggers and trauma? It might actually do quite the opposite. Learn all about the complexities of relationships and the dangers of individualistic thinking as Heather and Terry discuss his new book "Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship”. Plus, Heather and Terry make a case for compassionate hierarchy while navigating parenthood. Did we mention Terry reveals his REAL name?! Please support the show by checking out our sponsors! Airmed: Just visit airmedcarenetwork.com/heather today and get up to a $60 gift card with code HEATHER Bonafide: To get 20% off your first purchase when you subscribe to any product, go to Hello Bonafide.com/heather and use promo code HEATHER Vegamour: Go to VEGAMOUR.com/HEATHER and use code HEATHER to save 20% on your first order! Zocdoc: Go to Zocdoc.com/HEATHER and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.

Long-term relationships and healthy marriages take work. Being right, trying to change your partner, attacking, or withdrawing can unravel your relationship over time. In this episode, expert couples therapist and author Terrance Real teaches us how to step out of toxic patriarchy and rugged individualism so that we can step into more loving, intimate, and connected long-term relationships. Terry Real offers practical skills you can apply to your relationship right away, and Diana Hill shares some of the successes and stuck points of her own marriage. You won't want to miss the insight, communication skills, and practical wisdom in this episode, and you will want your partner to listen too! About Terrance RealTerrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. He founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents along with a professional training program for clinicians to learn his Relational Life Therapy methodology. In addition to US: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, he is the bestselling author of I Don't Want to Talk About It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage.   Key TakeawaysMany men have difficulty with connecting because they were socialized to not be emotionally vulnerable Loving confrontation involves confronting the pattern in your relationship that is keeping you from connecting including being right, condemning your partner, dumping on your partner, retaliating or withdrawing  Learning about your adaptive child and your partner's adaptive child can help increase compassion for each other and help you step out of maladaptive patterns When you see your relationship as an ecosystem, you recognize that the goal isn't to be right or control your partner but to work together  Communication skills are central to long-term relationships, and sometimes we need direct coaching from a therapist or our partner to be more effective at communicating Objective reality has no place in relationships. What is more important is understanding your partner's reality. Relevant Resources Mentionedhttps://drdianahill.com/extras/ (Download Your Daily Practice for Episode 30 Here) https://www.youtube.com/hashtag/drdianahill (Watch Diana Hill and Terrance Real on YouTube!) https://catalog.pesi.com/sales/bh_c_001142_lastchancecouples_organic-17282?gclsrc=aw.ds&&utm_term=&utm_campaign=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&hsa_acc=7268932594&hsa_cam=15699028317&hsa_grp=134607065514&hsa_ad=571893149718&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=dsa-1410349818921&hsa_kw=&hsa_mt=&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gclid=CjwKCAjwt7SWBhAnEiwAx8ZLahgq8a51JbDkhxJl9epLCMOinO2kzva7dF9U2wZuC3nRG0R5FznisxoCpisQAvD_BwE (Learn more about Relational Life Therapy) Learn more about https://terryreal.com/ (Terry Real) Are you a therapist and want to train in Relational Life Therapy? https://catalog.pesi.com/search?displaytype=1&pagesize=10&sortby=11&producttype=12&sst=p&isClosedCaptioning=false&fromDuration=&toDuration=undefined&certCreditType=&gclsrc=aw.ds&&utm_term=&utm_campaign=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&hsa_acc=7268932594&hsa_cam=15699028317&hsa_grp=134607065514&hsa_ad=571893149718&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=dsa-1410349818921&hsa_kw=&hsa_mt=&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gclid=CjwKCAjwt7SWBhAnEiwAx8ZLaiGwqSSRECH1YSFnBAHawUx7hBy6la9_aL-hsmpHeGsdemlP3Z2FPBoC3IwQAvD_BwE (Check this out.) https://bookshop.org/books/us-getting-past-you-and-me-to-build-a-more-loving-relationship/9780593233672 (Read Us: Getting Past You And Me To Build a Better Relationship) https://drdianahill.com/events/ (Join Diana at an upcoming events) https://drdianahill.com/reset-and-restore-retreat/ (Reserve your spot with Diana for Retreat in Costa Rica in 2023)!  Thank you for listening to...

Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship Terrence Real

Recommend this show by sharing the link: pod.link/2Pages The book I'm writing at the moment is about relationships. I'm neither a relationship expert nor a psychotherapist, but they do say you should write so that you can teach what you need to know. This means I've been reading some of the big names: Esther Perel, John Gottman, and most recently, Terry Real, who has a brand new book out called Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. A phrase often used as part of this book's marketing that chimed deeply with me is this: ‘At a time when toxic individualism is rending our society at every level, Us provides the tools to find our way back to each other through authentic connection and fierce intimacy.' It's a big question – how much are we our own person, and how deeply must we connect?  Kevin Ashton's latest book is called How to Fly a Horse, and, if nothing else, that's a title that will get you curious. Kevin is also the guy who named the Internet of Things, and he's been a key player in its evolution. Before any idea becomes a big deal, though, it starts as a crackpot's mad imaginings. Even though the IoT was an idea that nobody really got, it was one that Kevin couldn't get rid of, and he had a self-created sense of urgency that said, ‘If I don't act on this now, I never will.' Get‌ ‌book‌ ‌links‌ ‌and‌ ‌resources‌ ‌at‌ https://www.mbs.works/2-pages-podcast  Kevin reads two pages from ‘Finding the Mother Tree' by Suzanne Simard. [reading begins at 19:50] Hear us discuss:  What it takes to cross the threshold: “Life is too short to get wrapped up in doing things just because you want the glory.” [24:57] | Knowing when it's time to move on: “Don't be a cliche.” [27:43] | “It's okay to move on from one thing before you move on to another.” [34:57] | What we can learn from trees: “Trees are intelligent.” [35:07]

Nothing ruins a trip like getting car sick. But now there are motion sickness glasses. Do they work? Reader's Digest tested them out and a lot of people who bought them left reviews. Listen and I'll tell you what they said. https://www.rd.com/article/motion-sickness-glasses/ How can you be in a relationship and still be an individual? It has always been a tricky balance that has gotten even tougher as we have shifted to a more “It's-all-about-me” culture. Joining me to discuss this is internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author Terrence Real. His latest book is titled US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (https://amzn.to/3bLzN6N). Listen as he offers some great insight and very specific advice on improving any relationship. What is it about fragrances? Soaps, candles, laundry detergent, perfume – we like things to smell nice. Why? When did this all start? Listen to my guest Elise Pearlstine, a natural perfumer, consultant, and educator and author of a book called Scent: A Natural History of Fragrance. (https://amzn.to/3AtMA8b). If you have ever wondered why flowers or the smell of cut grass or vanilla smell so good, listen as Elise explains. It can be brutal getting into a car that been parked in the hot sun. However, there is quick way to cool the car down before you get in it. Listen as I reveal a simple yet very fast and effective technique. https://www.wikihow.com/Cool-a-Hot-Car-as-Quickly-as-Possible PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! Indeed' is doing something no other job site has done. Now with Indeed, businesses only pay for quality applications matching the sponsored job description! Visit https://Indeed.com/SOMETHING to start hiring now. Hometap is the smart new way to access your home's equity and pay for life's expenses without a loan! Learn more and get a personalized estimate at https://HomeTap.com With Avast One, https://avast.com you can confidently take control of your online world without worrying about viruses, phishing attacks, ransomware, hacking attempts, & other cybercrimes! The magic is waiting! Download Harry Potter: Puzzles & Spells, for free, from the iOS App Store or Google Play today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sometimes I think one of the toughest choices you can make publicly is to call out false binaries. That's what comedian Trevor Noah recently did on his show where he was specifically talking about abortion saying that just going down to catchphrases like pro choice or pro life was reductive and took away conversation and nuance to views. And people got enraged on Twitter (both Republicans and Democrats). To be fair, people get enraged about a lot on Twitter and off Twitter now. But rage by itself? It's just rage. If you want change, you have to go after action. Carrie had a post about this on her own Facebook where apparently her call to action over a political issue wasn't what one of her local acquaintances wanted from me. So he turned his rage about politics into rage at me for not being rage-y enough. Yes, Carrie is still processing this, while Shaun just called him a f-stick and got over with it. This weekend, one of the many things that were trending in the world of Twitter conversation was the new book of an American family therapist, Terry Real, entitled, “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship,” where he argues it is because we've created “a toxic culture of individualism.” We have not read the book and honestly, the fact that he's a celebrity therapist who counsels people like Bruce Springsteen, makes me want to not want to read it. Springsteen wrote the introduction. But all the book reviewers at all the big papers are. He has two big terms in the book THAT WE WANTED TO MENTION: Adaptive childWise adult He defines them both in an interview with the New York Times's Maggie Jones (no relation) as: “Wise adults are present-based. They're not flooded with the past and can see things clearly. They have the capacity to see the whole of the relationship. They have the capacity to stop and reflect and choose. “When we move out of our prefrontal cortex, out of our wise adult self, we are in our adaptive child self. We get trauma-triggered, and the adaptive child — the things you learned to do as a kid because of emotional neglect or violence — part of us comes in and takes over. One of the bitter pills here is that the adaptive child part of us doesn't want to be intimate. It wants to preserve itself. It's about me, me, me. You-and-me consciousness is an adversarial world in which one loses and the other wins. It's a big power struggle. “By repeating the same adaptive child move over and over again, you get in a dysfunctional relational stance. I'll give you an example. Angry pursuit is a dysfunctional stance. Angry pursuit is an oxymoron. You will never get someone closer to you by complaining about how distant they are. Controlling your partner, retaliating or withdrawing will never solve your problem. These are the hallmarks of the adaptive child part of you. And the first skill is shifting out of that part of you into the wise adult.” Whew. That's a lot of quote right? But to me what he's saying is that if we want to be good, wise adults with happy freaking healthy marraiges we have to let go of the adaptive child. We need to think with nuance and empathy, which brings me back to Trevor Noah, right? Because Trevor is also talking about this. What our culture in the U.S. (at least) needs more of is that movement toward the wise adult, the ability to converse, to think with nuance, to go beyond false binaries, catch phrases and performative social media posts and work towards changing ourselves and our relationships and our country. Real talks about the mysticism of marriage in that interview and says, “There may be super placid couples who aren't terribly intimate, and they don't bug each other. But usually there are three phases of love: harmony, disharmony and repair. Those phases can occur 20 times during one dinner conversation or span over decades of your marriage or long-term relationship. The harmony phase is love without knowledge. You may have a soul recognition that this is your guy. But you don't know what he does with his socks in the morning. “The disillusionment phase is critical. It's the stuff of intimacy. It's the collision of your imperfections and how we handle it. Our culture doesn't equip people to deal with that disillusionment. It's rough. It's dark. I've run around the country for 20 years, talking about what I call “normal marital hatred” and not one person has ever come backstage to ask what I meant by that.” And it's a bit like we aren't just doing that to ours spouses, we're doing that to everyone. When we repair our country, we want to look to that repair the way Real advocates repairing marraiges—as a relationship, a group effort, a look to the higher good. Real thinks a lot of this also stems from patriarchy and our separation from nature and desire to dominate it. He says we have to move away from trying to control everything, but collaborate and to do it humbly, saying in that same interview how all of the world is interconnected. “You're not above the system, you're in it. You breath it.” DOG TIP FOR LIFE Don't let other people bite your jowls. LINKS https://nypost.com/2022/06/30/i-married-my-exs-dad-everyone-hates-me-but-its-the-best-sex/ https://nypost.com/2022/07/05/men-with-large-penises-wanted-for-doc-too-large-to-love/ SHOUT OUT! The music we've clipped and shortened in this podcast is awesome and is made available through the Creative Commons License. Here's a link to that and the artist's website. Who is this artist and what is this song? It's “Summer Spliff” by Broke For Free. AND we have a writing tips podcast called WRITE BETTER NOW! We have a podcast, LOVING THE STRANGE, which we stream live on Carrie's Facebook and Twitter and LinkedIn on Fridays. Her Facebook and Twitter handles are all carriejonesbooks or carriejonesbook. Carrie is reading one of her poems every week on CARRIE DOES POEMS. And there you go! Whew! That's a lot! Here's the link. Write Better Now - Writing Tips podcast for authors and writers loving the strange the podcast about embracing the weird Carrie Does Poems

Idit Sharoni interviews Terry Real who is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. He is the founder of the Relational Life Institute and wrote THE book on male depression. Idit & Terry discuss therapy in the aftermath of infidelity and his newest book US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship where Terry reveals how individualism and patriarchy poison our most intimate relationships.  This is part 2 of 2 parts.  Link to show notes Link to the book

Idit Sharoni interviews Terry Real who is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. He is the founder of the Relational Life Institute and wrote THE book on male depression. Idit & Terry discuss relationships, individualism, couples therapy, and his newest book US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship where Terry reveals how individualism and patriarchy poison our most intimate relationships.  This is part 1 of 2 parts.  Link to show notes Link to the book

As bestselling author Terrence Real says, if the person who cheated on you is willing to get real and do the work, you're a fool to leave. But if they are unwilling to take accountability and change, then you're a fool to stay. Not much is harder than figuring out how to love your partner in all their messy humanness—and there's also not much that's more important. The good news: Warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools.  In his transformative new book, “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship” bestselling author Terrence Real brilliantly observes how our individualistic, winner-takes-all culture infiltrates affair recovery with devastating results Top Take-A-Ways: Avoiding “The 5-Losing Strategies” of Relationship Recovery: Proving you are right Controlling your partner Unbridled self-expression Retaliation Withdrawal How to trade in a “power and control” model of relating for a “relational model” so you can cultivate calm when triggered, remember love, and speak, act, and behave in ways that make relationships better – even when you've been betrayed. Understanding and maintaining the “biosphere” of your relationship, so both partners can win, thrive, and transform despite difficulty Working with the partner you have, and not the partner that you deserve in order to create the relationship you want Terrence Real is the bestselling author of “I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression” and “How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women.” He has been a practicing family therapist for more than twenty years and has lectured and given workshops across the country. In March 2002, he founded the Relational Empowerment Institute. His work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Today, Good Morning America, and Oprah, as well as in The New York Times, Psychology Today, Esquire, and numerous academic publications. His latest book is “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship,” and for any of us, but especially for any of us in the betrayal recovery space, this book is huge! Could it be time to stop working on yourself as an individual and start working on your relationship as a couple? At a time when toxic individualism is rending our society at every level, bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terrence Real explains how – while self-reflection and working on yourself is indeed essential – too much poisons intimate relationships. With deft insight, humor, and charm, Real guides you to transform your relationship into one that's based on compassion, collaboration, and closeness. “This book is a road map for all of us who seek true intimacy.”—GWYNETH PALTROW, founder and CEO of goop “Us” is a groundbreaking guide to a new science-backed skillset—one that will allow you to get past your knee-jerk reactions and tap into your wiser, more collaborative self. With a novelist's flair, Real shares the stories of couples whose relationships have been saved by these skills and pans out to the culture that reinforces our dysfunction. If you and your partner are backed into separate corners of “you” and “me,” this book will show the way back to “us.” With Us, your true relationship can begin. Learn more about Terry Real at: https://terryreal.com/ and buy a copy of his latest book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship anywhere books are sold (or on his website!) Lora Cheadle is an infidelity survivor who uses the concepts in burlesque to help women reclaim their identity and self-worth after betrayal so they can move forward with confidence, embrace their sexy, and create a life they love! Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming yourself and your life today! Spring Sale! One-on-one affair recovery coaching for women who have been cheated on by their intimate partner who are committed to: Overcoming the devastation, pain, and obsessive thoughts and reclaiming peace, Rebuilding trust in themselves, their intuition, and the world, Making sense of their story regardless of their partner's participation, Reconciling the life they have now with the life they thought they'd have, Moving on with confidence and clarity – whether they are working things out with their partner or moving on alone, and Bringing themselves back to life again, stronger and happier than before! Only $333 per month for one 90-minute session per month, a monthly, 30-minute self-hypnosis to use between sessions, weekly prep work to augment your healing, and real-time Voxer support. Lora@loracheadle for more information or to apply. Learn More & Apply Here! www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com   Untangle yourself from the past, reclaim your power, and own your worth so you can create a future you love on your own terms. All with a wink and a smile!

Today on Let's Talk Love, we had the immense pleasure of interviewing Couples Therapist, world-renowned Speaker, and Author, Terry Real. We talk about his newest book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build A More Loving Relationship, and learn some transformative skills for bettering our intimate partnerships. This is a conversation we're so grateful to have had. Enjoy! We want to hear from you! Send us your anonymous questions for the Podcast as well as our weekly IGTV Live Ask The Experts Q&A. https://realloveready.com/submitaquestionJoin our community for FREE at realloveready.com. By becoming a member you get access to exclusive workshops and upcoming events from Real Love Ready.Learn more with Terry:Newest Book: Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build A More Loving RelationshipUS Relationship WorkshopTerry's WebsiteCONNECT WITH TERRY ON SOCIALS: https://www.instagram.com/realterryreal/https://www.facebook.com/TerryRealRLIhttps://www.youtube.com/user/TerryRealRLI/feedCONNECT WITH RLR ON SOCIALS: facebook.com/reallovereadyinstagram.com/reallovereadytwitter.com/reallovereadyWatch the podcast on YouTube: youtube.com/reallovereadyCredits: the Let's Talk Love Podcast is hosted by Robin Ducharme, recorded and edited by Maia Anstey, and transcribed by Otter.ai.

Save Your Marriage After an Affair - Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship – with Terrence Real As bestselling author Terrence Real says, if the person who cheated on you is willing to get real and do the work, you're a fool to leave. But if they are unwilling to take accountability and change, then you're a fool to stay. Not much is harder than figuring out how to love your partner in all their messy humanness—and there's also not much that's more important. The good news: Warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools.  In his transformative new book, “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship” bestselling author Terrence Real brilliantly observes how our individualistic, winner-takes-all culture infiltrates affair recovery with devastating results Top Take-A-Ways: Avoiding “The 5-Losing Strategies” of Relationship Recovery: Proving you are right Controlling your partner Unbridled self-expression Retaliation Withdrawal How to trade in a “power and control” model of relating for a “relational model” so you can cultivate calm when triggered, remember love, and speak, act, and behave in ways that make relationships better – even when you've been betrayed. Understanding and maintaining the “biosphere” of your relationship, so both partners can win, thrive, and transform despite difficulty Working with the partner you have, and not the partner that you deserve in order to create the relationship you want Terrence Real is the bestselling author of “I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression” and “How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women.” He has been a practicing family therapist for more than twenty years and has lectured and given workshops across the country. In March 2002, he founded the Relational Empowerment Institute. His work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Today, Good Morning America, and Oprah, as well as in The New York Times, Psychology Today, Esquire, and numerous academic publications. His latest book is “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship,” and for any of us, but especially for any of us in the betrayal recovery space, this book is huge! Could it be time to stop working on yourself as an individual and start working on your relationship as a couple? At a time when toxic individualism is rending our society at every level, bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terrence Real explains how – while self-reflection and working on yourself is indeed essential – too much poisons intimate relationships. With deft insight, humor, and charm, Real guides you to transform your relationship into one that's based on compassion, collaboration, and closeness.  “This book is a road map for all of us who seek true intimacy.”—GWYNETH PALTROW, founder and CEO of goop “Us” is a groundbreaking guide to a new science-backed skillset—one that will allow you to get past your knee-jerk reactions and tap into your wiser, more collaborative self. With a novelist's flair, Real shares the stories of couples whose relationships have been saved by these skills and pans out to the culture that reinforces our dysfunction. If you and your partner are backed into separate corners of “you” and “me,” this book will show the way back to “us.” With Us, your true relationship can begin. Learn more about Terry Real at: https://terryreal.com/ and buy a copy of his latest book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship anywhere books are sold (or on his website!) Lora Cheadle is an infidelity survivor who uses the concepts in burlesque to help women reclaim their identity and self-worth after betrayal so they can move forward with confidence, embrace their sexy, and create a life they love! Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming yourself and your life today! Spring Sale! One-on-one affair recovery coaching for women who have been cheated on by their intimate partner who are committed to: Overcoming the devastation, pain, and obsessive thoughts and reclaiming peace, Rebuilding trust in themselves, their intuition, and the world, Making sense of their story regardless of their partner's participation, Reconciling the life they have now with the life they thoughtthey'd have, Moving on with confidence and clarity – whether they are working things out with their partner or moving on alone, and Bringing themselves back to life again, stronger and happier than before! Only $333 per month for one 90-minute session per month, a monthly, 30-minute self-hypnosis to use between sessions, weekly prep work to augment your healing, and real-time Voxer support. Lora@loracheadle for more information or to apply. Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social! 

World-renowned author and therapist Terry Real joins Dr. Solomon for a discussion about his career, his new book (Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship), men in relationships, conflict resolution, and more. The Family Institute at Northwestern University:https://www.family-institute.org/Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship by Terry Real:https://bookshop.org/books/us-getting-past-you-and-me-to-build-a-more-loving-relationship/9780593233672Subscribe to Dr. Solomon's Newsletter:https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/Take Dr. Solomon's E-Course, Intimate Relationships 101 (use code LOVEPOD for 10% off at checkout):https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/intimate-relationships-101Submit your question to Dr. Solomon:https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

So, what if being fiercely self-reliant and individualistic was actually a terrible thing? I know, I know, sounds silly. I mean isn't that the very thing we're told to strive for from the youngest age? And, especially, in our culture now? Problem is, living in a me-first or me-over-you world is not only destroying our personal relationships, it's destroying us, our states of mind, and even physical wellbeing. And, intimacy, deep connectedness, even reliance on and elevating others just might be the solution to much of what ails us.That idea may sound strange at first, it's hard to argue that the rise of a wildly individualistic society has also gone hand-in-hand with the destruction of social bonds, friendship, mental health and nearly every marker of health in communities as well. As humans, we are all designed to be in relationship with others to experience the positive effects of connectedness, when that breaks down, so do we. And today's guest, Terry Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. His new book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship is a guide not just for couples, but also just for all human beings, filled with tools and advice to help anyone tap into their most collaborative and relational self. In today's conversation with Terry, he shares his story of growing up in a dysfunctional home to reveal how the techniques we've all learned to survive dysfunction as children can take a toll on our present relationships. And we explore how re-engaging with the people around us we hold most dear just may save not only those relationships, but our lives as well, and society more broadly. You can find Terry at: Website | FacebookIf you LOVED this episode you'll also love the conversations we had with Julie and John Gottman about how to build deeper, loving relationshipsCheck out our offerings & partners: My New Book Sparked | My New Podcast SPARKEDVisit Our Sponsor Page For a Complete List of Vanity URLs & Discount Codes.Ka'ChavaThrive MarketRadio Headspace: Radio Headspace is a short, daily show about mindfulness, and it's hosted by Headspace's meditation teachers. Each episode is just a few minutes long. They cover things like how to find joy, or how to manage climate anxiety, in a mindful way. Search for Radio Headspace wherever you get your podcasts. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Terry Real has just released his 7th book! US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship and in this episode you will discover what has inspired him! Enlightened self-interest and making peace with others are at the heart of his quest. He firmly believes that humans are like pack animals and that we NEED the company of other humans for a healthy balanced existence. Terry explains the 'wise adult' vs his 'adapted child' theory and how we MUST quiet the inner child when we are faced with conflict and relationship issues. He mentions how we should protect and take care of our 'biospheres', empower the other and use 'soft power' to cherish those close to us, while remaining assertive. This is what he refers to as The New World Revolution. A soldier of love, Terry Real offers real solutions for improved and respectful relationships on all levels. A real gem of a show!

Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. He founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents along with a professional training program for clinicians to learn his Relational Life Therapy methodology. He is the bestselling author of I Don't Want to Talk About It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage. His book US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship will be published by Goop Press June 7, 2022.

Zach and Laura chat with Terry Real about his life's work and new book US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. There are many great takeaways that can transform the way you relate with your partner. Sponsor: https://meetfabric.com/mtr to apply for life insurance in 10 minutes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Research indicates that the biggest predictor of happiness—at least for most of us—is the quality of our relationships. And yet, so much of how we're wired can get in the way of good relationships. Things like pride and stubbornness. When we lean on those, we may erroneously conclude that we should be harsh and teach our partner a lesson. Spoiler alert: you'll hear from the expert on this episode that harshness is never a good idea even though it may feel right or even vindicating. So, since these skills are not taught in schools, how do we go beyond our knee-jerk responses and thrive as a couple? Fortunately, I know just the guy to ask! Terry Real (https://terryreal.com/) is an internationally known psychotherapist and a best-selling author who has written some of the most important books contributing to the field of individual and couples psychotherapy. His latest book is called Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Consistent with his incredible work, Terry brilliantly cuts to the core of how our brains work and shows how we can better use those brains in our relationships. Lori Gottlieb, Esther Perel, and even Bruce Springsteen (who wrote the foreword) love this book and I believe you will too. And I'm confident you'll be captivated listening to Terry who is a superior storyteller and the embodiment of kindness, wisdom, and strength. So, listen in as Terry and I talk about how to get past the stumbling blocks and how to find our way back to US. Book Link: https://tinyurl.com/3vdfwkh4

It's amazing how couples can function as two distinct individuals in a relationship. Maintaining your own identity while encouraging your partner's interests and personal goals is gold. On the other hand, individual independence can be toxic too. It can make you feel like you're competing with your spouse, getting into a power struggle, and everything else that comes from these two individual perspectives. In this episode, Terry Real encourages us to consider the consequences of approaching a relationship from a toxic individualism perspective and how critical it is to shift to a relational mindset as he shares some actionable steps from his new book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Terry Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. He founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents, along with a professional training program for clinicians to learn his Relational Life Therapy methodology. He is the bestselling author of I Don't Want to Talk About It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 9:18 The inspiration behind the book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. 12:42 What is toxic individualism and how does it affect relationships? 20:14 How to make the transition from automatic response to conscious communication? 23:52 How to empower your relationship. 46:00 Key takeaways. Mentioned Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Connect with Terry Real Websites: terryreal.com — relationallife.com Facebook: facebook.com/TerryRealRLI YouTube: youtube.com/user/TerryRealRLI/feed Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

When Terry Real started working with couples in the 90s he found that the conventional wisdom just did not work. Eventually he created his own model for working with couples called Relational Life Terapy.  He has also published several books including his most recent called US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.  Find out more at terryreal.com If you want to buy the book and get the Staying in Love workshop free here is the link https://terryreal.com/freecourse/ Live workshop starting June 14 https://summit.terryreal.com/special/ The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week. Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes. Find out more about the Couples Therapist Inner Circle This episode is sponsored by Clearly Clinical Continuing Ed.  Clearly Clinical is the nation's premier podcast Continuing Ed provider, and features industry experts from across the world.  Clearly Clinical is an approved CE provider with the APA, ASWB, NBCC, NAADAC, CCAPP, and CAMFT, and is women-owned, founded by Elizabeth Irias, LMFT.  Clearly Clinical supports minority and women presenters, and donates to  Feeding America.  And the best part?  Clearly Clinical is literally the most affordable continuing ed provider in the country, bringing you unlimited CE courses for just $60 a year.  As a promo for my listeners, you can use the code COUCH to get an additional 10% off.  They have a number of free podcast CE courses, too, including a CE interview with Dr. Julie Gottman.  Check those out at their website, ClearlyClinical.com. 

On one of our favorite episodes of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson are joined by author and therapist Terry Real to talk about how to overcome the myth of toxic individualism, break trauma cycles, and experience real intimacy in our relationships. They discuss how to balance acceptance and agency, develop a healthy sense of trust and self-esteem, communicate what we want effectively, and experience our power through collaboration rather than dominance. Terry describes how we can move past the delusions of toxic individualism and patriarchy that plague our culture, moving away from ‘me vs. you' and into Us.About our Guest: Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author. He is the founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers workshops for couples as well as professional training for clinicians in his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology. His latest book is Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship which comes out June 7th.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:45: Terry's personal transformation4:55: Regulating up to our parents7:05: The Adaptive Child vs. the Wise Adult14:25: Us vs. the delusions of individualism and patriarchy18:05: Balancing acceptance and agency22:45: Enlightened self-interest and working with couples29:25: Three phases to get more of what you want in relationships without a counselor33:35: How to support people–particularly women–in dealing with unfairness37:15: Gendered tendencies–moving into intimacy and out of patriarchy43:20: Shame and healthy self-esteem49:40: Relational reckoning and relational integrity56:55: Repairing trust and grandiosity1:01:00: RecapSupport the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world's largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first boxReady to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website

We are joined by our biggest guest ever, Terry Real, who is releasing his book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship Terry is a renowned family therapist and bestselling author of The New Rules of Marriage. Terry says that the way to save your relationship is not by working on yourself, but instead by working together. He talks about what he calls “toxic individualism” and how it gets in the way of healthy relationships. He offers skills that you can start integrating into your relationships right now and stories that explain all the concepts he details in his new book.  Find out more about Terry Real at his website: https://terryreal.com/

“I talk about dysfunctional relational stances that would repeat over and over again. For example, angry pursuit is an oxymoron. Angry pursuit will never get complaining about how the person isn't close to. You will never get then closer to you. It is dysfunctional. That's what dysfunctional means. It doesn't work. It'll never get you what you want. And the first phase of the therapy that we do, relational life therapy. And in some ways, the first phase of this book is identifying what your repetitive, adaptive child. Relational stance is the thing you do over and over and over again, automatically knee jerk. I talk about whoosh comes up like a wave. I just gotta do this. I've gotta fix this person. I've gotta stand enough for myself. I gotta get outta here. And that is the hallmark of your adoptive child that is automatic and, and compulsive. And this whole book is about moving beyond that part of you into the wise adult part of you, that can take a breath and do something, not automatic, but chosen deliberate, more skillful,” says bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terry Real. His new book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, combines new findings in neuroscience and his vast experience working with couples on the brink of disaster to give readers the skills necessary to move their relationship from a dysfunctional you vs. me into a more collaborative “us”.  There is no such thing as working on a relationship, Terry tells us, in order to work on healing the system, we must heal the individual parts. So many of us, he says, grew up without adequate emotional support, and the techniques we developed to survive in those environments as children, can go on to poison our intimate relationships. Though we may not remember the trauma, our knee-jerk reactions to distressing situations and relational conflict push our learned adaptive strategies into overdrive.   Terry's science-backed toolkit helps individuals move beyond their involuntary response, which tends to be rigid, harsh, and unforgiving; and come into their potential as a wise adult - one who stops, thinks, and reflects; able to tap into a more collaborative self for the betterment of the relationship. Through deep individual work, nurturing our inner child, and choosing to go against our impulses rather than indulging them; we can transform ourselves and save our relationships.     EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Fight, flight, or fix?... Healing the individual to heal the relationship… Coming down from false empowerment… A contempt-free life… MORE FROM TERRY REAL: Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship Terry's Website Read Terry's Other Work:  I Don't Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression How Can I Get Through To You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women The New Rules Of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work DIG DEEPER: Find an RLT Certified Therapist Near You  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I will never forget the day I was in my therapist's office sharing about how my anxiety was through the roof.  I was grieving the death of my father, saddened by my mother's cancer diagnosis, and fearful that my husband's business would have to close its doors.  I was the epitome of “down and out” in my life and marriage.My therapist had the ability to show deep compassion but also called me out on my denial when necessary.  She said, “Molly, you need help and I think you should begin with the book Fierce Intimacy by Terry Real."Terry's “say it like it is” attitude, transparency around his own marriage, and tips and tools, have literally saved my marriage and my soul.  After listening to today's episode I believe your relationships will also benefit from his ability to teach about communicating, not from the adaptive child but the wise adult.I'm so grateful that Terry not only said yes to being a guest on the podcast but said yes during a very busy time in his life with his new book, US: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, releasing on June 7th. It was this “yes” that brought forth an interview where we talked about how to be a present life partner and a loving parent.  He opened up about how his abusive childhood could turn into anger and grandiosity, but with deep internal work, it is now intense love and compassion for himself and others. And that he wrote his latest book to help us all remember how we can transform when there is unity and connection in relationships versus separation and disconnection. Terry is an internationally recognized Family Therapist, Speaker, and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy). Terry is the best-selling author of I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work, Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another with Love, and his latest book US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.His ideas on men's issues and couple's therapy have been celebrated in venues that include Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20,  Oprah, and The New York Times. When I look back 10 years ago, sitting in my therapist's office really struggling in my life, I know for sure that today I am a better wife, a less anxious human, and a more compassionate mom thanks to Terry Real. Learn more about Terry RealTerry's booksFind Terry on FacebookLearn more about Molly CarrollGet your free Body Emotion MapFind Molly on Instagram and Facebook 

Terry Real is an internationally recognized Family Therapist, Speaker, and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty-five years, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work, and his latest book, Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.terryreal.com/“Women are unhappy in their marriages because they want men to be more related than most men know how to be. And men are unhappy in their marriages because their women seem so unhappy with them.” ~Terry RealMichael Stone is a spiritual author, mentor, shamanic practitioner, radio host, producer, and trauma integration facilitator who co-creates individual and group environments and experiences that support people in transcending the myth of separation, and experiencing deep and profound interconnection with others and all of life. He has been teaching and leading experiential events, classes, teleseminars and workshops on Organizational Development, Embodied Shamanism, Moving Meditation, Mysticism, Personal Growth, and Spiritual Fulfillment for over 40 years.For more information on the Well of Light Global Community, Programs, Radio shows and Services go to www.welloflight.comTo access other great interviews and offerings: www.patreon.com/welloflightYour donations are gratefully received and make it all possible!