Podcasts about my diary

Hi everybody. I'm back, funny enough I've actually always wrote the descriptions to my episodes but just did it in 3rd person to seem more professional. I've cut all bullish!t from my life this year though so secrets out it's just me, myself, and I. Today I'm catching y'all up on my past few months. Where the fck I've been, what the fck is going on in my head, and what the fck I plan to do with my life. All coming from a real-time timeline, MY DIARY! Welcome back everyone and I welcome you to The Diary Sessions.

Hello and welcome listeners to Episode 211 of Journey with a Cinephile: A Horror Movie Podcast. In this episode, your tour guide, David Garrett Jr., continues his celebration of Italian horror month. This is number 19 of these. This is a Mario Bava Double Feature of The Girl Who Knew Too Much aka The Evil Eye (1963) and Hatchet for the Honeymoon (1970). This also is a bit of a gialli double feature. Also on this episode are Mini-Reviews of It's a Wonderful Knife (2023), Count Dracula (1970), Birth/Rebirth (2023) as well two shorts: Me, My Diary and all the EviL in the World (2023) and Without a Scratch (2023). I hope you enjoy coming on this journey with me! Me, My Diary and all the EviL in the world: Watch Here Without a Scratch: Watch Here Time Codes: Intro: 0:00 - 2:59 Mini-Reviews: 3:05 - 26:35 The Girl Who Knew Too Much/The Evil Eye Trailer: 26:35 - 28:41 The Girl Who Knew Too Much/The Evil Eye Review: 28:41 - 40:55 Hatchet for the Honeymoon Trailer: 40:55 - 43:41 Hatchet for the Honeymoon Review: 43:41 - 55:06 Outro: 55:12 - 58:23 Social Media: Email: journeywithacinephile@gmail.com Reviews of the Dead Link: https://horrorreview.webnode.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dgarrettjr Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/buckeyefrommich Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/davidosu/ Instagram: davidosu87 Threads: davidosu87 Journey with a Cinephile Instagram: journeywithacinephile The Night Club Discord: Journey with a Cinephile

Moulz & Mel put on their reading glasses and crack the spine on Jim Jones' Harlem: Diary Of A Summer, making for the Dipset member's first solo review on Rap Rankings and the first two-part episode of Season 13. SPECIAL GUEST REVIEWER: @fromoldharlem ------------------------ Intro (0:00) -- The Rating System, Explained (7:52 - 10:34) -- The Rap Rankings Game (44:37) -- RAB Express: Pimp C, Pimpalation (2:23:00) -- This Week In Moulz & Mel (3:08:15) -- Harlem: Diary Of A Summer Info (3:48:38) -- Track 1: "My Diary" (4:25:35) -- Track 2: "Zeke (Interlude)" (4:49:20) -- Track 3: "G's Up" (4:52:28) ---------------- Pt. 2: https://raprankings.captivate.fm/episode/s13e10-jim-jones-harlem-diary-of-a-summer-pt-2

Join Me, as I share My Diary writing from July 5th, 2021 and dissect what happens with a Dom/Domme before, during and after a D/s session. I explain how I enter into a session and how I care for a sub/slave after the session when they are in subspace and how I coped with Domme space.  Submissives are not the only ones experiencing the intense endorphin dumps during and after a Dungeon scene.Locked In Lust 10% OFF:CHASTITYQUEEN Use Discount Code:CHASTITYQUEEN for 10% OFF ANYTHING at www.lockedinlust.com GET KINKY TONIGHT! XODisclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.Support the show

Interview de Marion L'Hour, autrice du livre "My Diary: le journal intime de la reine" paru aux éditions Flammarion.

Episode one hundred and forty-seven of A History of Rock Music in Five Hundred Songs looks at “Hey Joe" by the Jimi Hendrix Experience, and is the longest episode to date, at over two hours. Patreon backers also have a twenty-two-minute bonus episode available, on "Making Time" by The Creation. Tilt Araiza has assisted invaluably by doing a first-pass edit, and will hopefully be doing so from now on. Check out Tilt's irregular podcasts at http://www.podnose.com/jaffa-cakes-for-proust and http://sitcomclub.com/ Resources As usual, I've put together a Mixcloud mix containing all the music excerpted in this episode. For information on the Byrds, I relied mostly on Timeless Flight Revisited by Johnny Rogan, with some information from Chris Hillman's autobiography. Information on Arthur Lee and Love came from Forever Changes: Arthur Lee and the Book of Love by John Einarson, and Arthur Lee: Alone Again Or by Barney Hoskyns. Information on Gary Usher's work with the Surfaris and the Sons of Adam came from The California Sound by Stephen McParland, which can be found at https://payhip.com/CMusicBooks Information on Jimi Hendrix came from Room Full of Mirrors by Charles R. Cross, Crosstown Traffic by Charles Shaar Murray, and Wild Thing by Philip Norman. Information on the history of "Hey Joe" itself came from all these sources plus Hey Joe: The Unauthorised Biography of a Rock Classic by Marc Shapiro, though note that most of that book is about post-1967 cover versions. Most of the pre-Experience session work by Jimi Hendrix I excerpt in this episode is on this box set of alternate takes and live recordings. And "Hey Joe" can be found on Are You Experienced? Patreon This podcast is brought to you by the generosity of my backers on Patreon. Why not join them? Transcript Just a quick note before we start – this episode deals with a song whose basic subject is a man murdering a woman, and that song also contains references to guns, and in some versions to cocaine use. Some versions excerpted also contain misogynistic slurs. If those things are likely to upset you, please skip this episode, as the whole episode focusses on that song. I would hope it goes without saying that I don't approve of misogyny, intimate partner violence, or murder, and my discussing a song does not mean I condone acts depicted in its lyrics, and the episode itself deals with the writing and recording of the song rather than its subject matter, but it would be impossible to talk about the record without excerpting the song. The normalisation of violence against women in rock music lyrics is a subject I will come back to, but did not have room for in what is already a very long episode. Anyway, on with the show. Let's talk about the folk process, shall we? We've talked before, like in the episodes on "Stagger Lee" and "Ida Red", about how there are some songs that aren't really individual songs in themselves, but are instead collections of related songs that might happen to share a name, or a title, or a story, or a melody, but which might be different in other ways. There are probably more songs that are like this than songs that aren't, and it doesn't just apply to folk songs, although that's where we see it most notably. You only have to look at the way a song like "Hound Dog" changed from the Willie Mae Thornton version to the version by Elvis, which only shared a handful of words with the original. Songs change, and recombine, and everyone who sings them brings something different to them, until they change in ways that nobody could have predicted, like a game of telephone. But there usually remains a core, an archetypal story or idea which remains constant no matter how much the song changes. Like Stagger Lee shooting Billy in a bar over a hat, or Frankie killing her man -- sometimes the man is Al, sometimes he's Johnny, but he always done her wrong. And one of those stories is about a man who shoots his cheating woman with a forty-four, and tries to escape -- sometimes to a town called Jericho, and sometimes to Juarez, Mexico. The first version of this song we have a recording of is by Clarence Ashley, in 1929, a recording of an older folk song that was called, in his version, "Little Sadie": [Excerpt: Clarence Ashley, "Little Sadie"] At some point, somebody seems to have noticed that that song has a slight melodic similarity to another family of songs, the family known as "Cocaine Blues" or "Take a Whiff on Me", which was popular around the same time: [Excerpt: The Memphis Jug Band, "Cocaine Habit Blues"] And so the two songs became combined, and the protagonist of "Little Sadie" now had a reason to kill his woman -- a reason other than her cheating, that is. He had taken a shot of cocaine before shooting her. The first recording of this version, under the name "Cocaine Blues" seems to have been a Western Swing version by W. A. Nichol's Western Aces: [Excerpt: W.A. Nichol's Western Aces, "Cocaine Blues"] Woody Guthrie recorded a version around the same time -- I've seen different dates and so don't know for sure if it was before or after Nichol's version -- and his version had himself credited as songwriter, and included this last verse which doesn't seem to appear on any earlier recordings of the song: [Excerpt: Woody Guthrie, "Cocaine Blues"] That doesn't appear on many later recordings either, but it did clearly influence yet another song -- Mose Allison's classic jazz number "Parchman Farm": [Excerpt: Mose Allison, "Parchman Farm"] The most famous recordings of the song, though, were by Johnny Cash, who recorded it as both "Cocaine Blues" and as "Transfusion Blues". In Cash's version of the song, the murderer gets sentenced to "ninety-nine years in the Folsom pen", so it made sense that Cash would perform that on his most famous album, the live album of his January 1968 concerts at Folsom Prison, which revitalised his career after several years of limited success: [Excerpt: Johnny Cash, "Cocaine Blues (live at Folsom Prison)"] While that was Cash's first live recording at a prison, though, it wasn't the first show he played at a prison -- ever since the success of his single "Folsom Prison Blues" he'd been something of a hero to prisoners, and he had been doing shows in prisons for eleven years by the time of that recording. And on one of those shows he had as his support act a man named Billy Roberts, who performed his own song which followed the same broad outlines as "Cocaine Blues" -- a man with a forty-four who goes out to shoot his woman and then escapes to Mexico. Roberts was an obscure folk singer, who never had much success, but who was good with people. He'd been part of the Greenwich Village folk scene in the 1950s, and at a gig at Gerde's Folk City he'd met a woman named Niela Miller, an aspiring songwriter, and had struck up a relationship with her. Miller only ever wrote one song that got recorded by anyone else, a song called "Mean World Blues" that was recorded by Dave Van Ronk: [Excerpt: Dave Van Ronk, "Mean World Blues"] Now, that's an original song, but it does bear a certain melodic resemblance to another old folk song, one known as "Where Did You Sleep Last Night?" or "In the Pines", or sometimes "Black Girl": [Excerpt: Lead Belly, "Where Did You Sleep Last Night?"] Miller was clearly familiar with the tradition from which "Where Did You Sleep Last Night?" comes -- it's a type of folk song where someone asks a question and then someone else answers it, and this repeats, building up a story. This is a very old folk song format, and you hear it for example in "Lord Randall", the song on which Bob Dylan based "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall": [Excerpt: Ewan MacColl, "Lord Randall"] I say she was clearly familiar with it, because the other song she wrote that anyone's heard was based very much around that idea. "Baby Please Don't Go To Town" is a question-and-answer song in precisely that form, but with an unusual chord progression for a folk song. You may remember back in the episode on "Eight Miles High" I talked about the circle of fifths -- a chord progression which either increases or decreases by a fifth for every chord, so it might go C-G-D-A-E [demonstrates] That's a common progression in pop and jazz, but not really so much in folk, but it's the one that Miller had used for "Baby, Please Don't Go to Town", and she'd taught Roberts that song, which she only recorded much later: [Excerpt: Niela Miller, "Baby, Please Don't Go To Town"] After Roberts and Miller broke up, Miller kept playing that melody, but he changed the lyrics. The lyrics he added had several influences. There was that question-and-answer folk-song format, there's the story of "Cocaine Blues" with its protagonist getting a forty-four to shoot his woman down before heading to Mexico, and there's also a country hit from 1953. "Hey, Joe!" was originally recorded by Carl Smith, one of the most popular country singers of the early fifties: [Excerpt: Carl Smith, "Hey Joe!"] That was written by Boudleaux Bryant, a few years before the songs he co-wrote for the Everly Brothers, and became a country number one, staying at the top for eight weeks. It didn't make the pop chart, but a pop cover version of it by Frankie Laine made the top ten in the US: [Excerpt: Frankie Laine, "Hey Joe"] Laine's record did even better in the UK, where it made number one, at a point where Laine was the biggest star in music in Britain -- at the time the UK charts only had a top twelve, and at one point four of the singles in the top twelve were by Laine, including that one. There was also an answer record by Kitty Wells which made the country top ten later that year: [Excerpt: Kitty Wells, "Hey Joe"] Oddly, despite it being a very big hit, that "Hey Joe" had almost no further cover versions for twenty years, though it did become part of the Searchers' setlist, and was included on their Live at the Star Club album in 1963, in an arrangement that owed a lot to "What'd I Say": [Excerpt: The Searchers, "Hey Joe"] But that song was clearly on Roberts' mind when, as so many American folk musicians did, he travelled to the UK in the late fifties and became briefly involved in the burgeoning UK folk movement. In particular, he spent some time with a twelve-string guitar player from Edinburgh called Len Partridge, who was also a mentor to Bert Jansch, and who was apparently an extraordinary musician, though I know of no recordings of his work. Partridge helped Roberts finish up the song, though Partridge is about the only person in this story who *didn't* claim a writing credit for it at one time or another, saying that he just helped Roberts out and that Roberts deserved all the credit. The first known recording of the completed song is from 1962, a few years after Roberts had returned to the US, though it didn't surface until decades later: [Excerpt: Billy Roberts, "Hey Joe"] Roberts was performing this song regularly on the folk circuit, and around the time of that recording he also finally got round to registering the copyright, several years after it was written. When Miller heard the song, she was furious, and she later said "Imagine my surprise when I heard Hey Joe by Billy Roberts. There was my tune, my chord progression, my question/answer format. He dropped the bridge that was in my song and changed it enough so that the copyright did not protect me from his plagiarism... I decided not to go through with all the complications of dealing with him. He never contacted me about it or gave me any credit. He knows he committed a morally reprehensible act. He never was man enough to make amends and apologize to me, or to give credit for the inspiration. Dealing with all that was also why I made the decision not to become a professional songwriter. It left a bad taste in my mouth.” Pete Seeger, a friend of Miller's, was outraged by the injustice and offered to testify on her behalf should she decide to take Roberts to court, but she never did. Some time around this point, Roberts also played on that prison bill with Johnny Cash, and what happened next is hard to pin down. I've read several different versions of the story, which change the date and which prison this was in, and none of the details in any story hang together properly -- everything introduces weird inconsistencies and things which just make no sense at all. Something like this basic outline of the story seems to have happened, but the outline itself is weird, and we'll probably never know the truth. Roberts played his set, and one of the songs he played was "Hey Joe", and at some point he got talking to one of the prisoners in the audience, Dino Valenti. We've met Valenti before, in the episode on "Mr. Tambourine Man" -- he was a singer/songwriter himself, and would later be the lead singer of Quicksilver Messenger Service, but he's probably best known for having written "Get Together": [Excerpt: Dino Valenti, "Get Together"] As we heard in the "Mr. Tambourine Man" episode, Valenti actually sold off his rights to that song to pay for his bail at one point, but he was in and out of prison several times because of drug busts. At this point, or so the story goes, he was eligible for parole, but he needed to prove he had a possible income when he got out, and one way he wanted to do that was to show that he had written a song that could be a hit he could make money off, but he didn't have such a song. He talked about his predicament with Roberts, who agreed to let him claim to have written "Hey Joe" so he could get out of prison. He did make that claim, and when he got out of prison he continued making the claim, and registered the copyright to "Hey Joe" in his own name -- even though Roberts had already registered it -- and signed a publishing deal for it with Third Story Music, a company owned by Herb Cohen, the future manager of the Mothers of Invention, and Cohen's brother Mutt. Valenti was a popular face on the folk scene, and he played "his" song to many people, but two in particular would influence the way the song would develop, both of them people we've seen relatively recently in episodes of the podcast. One of them, Vince Martin, we'll come back to later, but the other was David Crosby, and so let's talk about him and the Byrds a bit more. Crosby and Valenti had been friends long before the Byrds formed, and indeed we heard in the "Mr. Tambourine Man" episode how the group had named themselves after Valenti's song "Birdses": [Excerpt: Dino Valenti, "Birdses"] And Crosby *loved* "Hey Joe", which he believed was another of Valenti's songs. He'd perform it every chance he got, playing it solo on guitar in an arrangement that other people have compared to Mose Allison. He'd tried to get it on the first two Byrds albums, but had been turned down, mostly because of their manager and uncredited co-producer Jim Dickson, who had strong opinions about it, saying later "Some of the songs that David would bring in from the outside were perfectly valid songs for other people, but did not seem to be compatible with the Byrds' myth. And he may not have liked the Byrds' myth. He fought for 'Hey Joe' and he did it. As long as I could say 'No!' I did, and when I couldn't any more they did it. You had to give him something somewhere. I just wish it was something else... 'Hey Joe' I was bitterly opposed to. A song about a guy who murders his girlfriend in a jealous rage and is on the way to Mexico with a gun in his hand. It was not what I saw as a Byrds song." Indeed, Dickson was so opposed to the song that he would later say “One of the reasons David engineered my getting thrown out was because I would not let Hey Joe be on the Turn! Turn! Turn! album.” Dickson was, though, still working with the band when they got round to recording it. That came during the recording of their Fifth Dimension album, the album which included "Eight Miles High". That album was mostly recorded after the departure of Gene Clark, which was where we left the group at the end of the "Eight Miles High" episode, and the loss of their main songwriter meant that they were struggling for material -- doubly so since they also decided they were going to move away from Dylan covers. This meant that they had to rely on original material from the group's less commercial songwriters, and on a few folk songs, mostly learned from Pete Seeger The album ended up with only eleven songs on it, compared to the twelve that was normal for American albums at that time, and the singles on it after "Eight Miles High" weren't particularly promising as to the group's ability to come up with commercial material. The next single, "5D", a song by Roger McGuinn about the fifth dimension, was a waltz-time song that both Crosby and Chris Hillman were enthused by. It featured organ by Van Dyke Parks, and McGuinn said of the organ part "When he came into the studio I told him to think Bach. He was already thinking Bach before that anyway.": [Excerpt: The Byrds, "5D"] While the group liked it, though, that didn't make the top forty. The next single did, just about -- a song that McGuinn had written as an attempt at communicating with alien life. He hoped that it would be played on the radio, and that the radio waves would eventually reach aliens, who would hear it and respond: [Excerpt: The Byrds, "Mr. Spaceman"] The "Fifth Dimension" album did significantly worse, both critically and commercially, than their previous albums, and the group would soon drop Allen Stanton, the producer, in favour of Gary Usher, Brian Wilson's old songwriting partner. But the desperation for material meant that the group agreed to record the song which they still thought at that time had been written by Crosby's friend, though nobody other than Crosby was happy with it, and even Crosby later said "It was a mistake. I shouldn't have done it. Everybody makes mistakes." McGuinn said later "The reason Crosby did lead on 'Hey Joe' was because it was *his* song. He didn't write it but he was responsible for finding it. He'd wanted to do it for years but we would never let him.": [Excerpt: The Byrds, "Hey Joe"] Of course, that arrangement is very far from the Mose Allison style version Crosby had been doing previously. And the reason for that can be found in the full version of that McGuinn quote, because the full version continues "He'd wanted to do it for years but we would never let him. Then both Love and The Leaves had a minor hit with it and David got so angry that we had to let him do it. His version wasn't that hot because he wasn't a strong lead vocalist." The arrangement we just heard was the arrangement that by this point almost every group on the Sunset Strip scene was playing. And the reason for that was because of another friend of Crosby's, someone who had been a roadie for the Byrds -- Bryan MacLean. MacLean and Crosby had been very close because they were both from very similar backgrounds -- they were both Hollywood brats with huge egos. MacLean later said "Crosby and I got on perfectly. I didn't understand what everybody was complaining about, because he was just like me!" MacLean was, if anything, from an even more privileged background than Crosby. His father was an architect who'd designed houses for Elizabeth Taylor and Dean Martin, his neighbour when growing up was Frederick Loewe, the composer of My Fair Lady. He learned to swim in Elizabeth Taylor's private pool, and his first girlfriend was Liza Minelli. Another early girlfriend was Jackie DeShannon, the singer-songwriter who did the original version of "Needles and Pins", who he was introduced to by Sharon Sheeley, whose name you will remember from many previous episodes. MacLean had wanted to be an artist until his late teens, when he walked into a shop in Westwood which sometimes sold his paintings, the Sandal Shop, and heard some people singing folk songs there. He decided he wanted to be a folk singer, and soon started performing at the Balladeer, a club which would later be renamed the Troubadour, playing songs like Robert Johnson's "Cross Roads Blues", which had recently become a staple of the folk repertoire after John Hammond put out the King of the Delta Blues Singers album: [Excerpt: Robert Johnson, "Cross Roads Blues"] Reading interviews with people who knew MacLean at the time, the same phrase keeps coming up. John Kay, later the lead singer of Steppenwolf, said "There was a young kid, Bryan MacLean, kind of cocky but nonetheless a nice kid, who hung around Crosby and McGuinn" while Chris Hillman said "He was a pretty good kid but a wee bit cocky." He was a fan of the various musicians who later formed the Byrds, and was also an admirer of a young guitarist on the scene named Ryland Cooder, and of a blues singer on the scene named Taj Mahal. He apparently was briefly in a band with Taj Mahal, called Summer's Children, who as far as I can tell had no connection to the duo that Curt Boettcher later formed of the same name, before Taj Mahal and Cooder formed The Rising Sons, a multi-racial blues band who were for a while the main rivals to the Byrds on the scene. MacLean, though, firmly hitched himself to the Byrds, and particularly to Crosby. He became a roadie on their first tour, and Hillman said "He was a hard-working guy on our behalf. As I recall, he pretty much answered to Crosby and was David's assistant, to put it diplomatically – more like his gofer, in fact." But MacLean wasn't cut out for the hard work that being a roadie required, and after being the Byrds' roadie for about thirty shows, he started making mistakes, and when they went off on their UK tour they decided not to keep employing him. He was heartbroken, but got back into trying his own musical career. He auditioned for the Monkees, unsuccessfully, but shortly after that -- some sources say even the same day as the audition, though that seems a little too neat -- he went to Ben Frank's -- the LA hangout that had actually been namechecked in the open call for Monkees auditions, which said they wanted "Ben Franks types", and there he met Arthur Lee and Johnny Echols. Echols would later remember "He was this gadfly kind of character who knew everybody and was flitting from table to table. He wore striped pants and a scarf, and he had this long, strawberry hair. All the girls loved him. For whatever reason, he came and sat at our table. Of course, Arthur and I were the only two black people there at the time." Lee and Echols were both Black musicians who had been born in Memphis. Lee's birth father, Chester Taylor, had been a cornet player with Jimmie Lunceford, whose Delta Rhythm Boys had had a hit with "The Honeydripper", as we heard way back in the episode on "Rocket '88": [Excerpt: Jimmie Lunceford and the Delta Rhythm Boys, "The Honeydripper"] However, Taylor soon split from Lee's mother, a schoolteacher, and she married Clinton Lee, a stonemason, who doted on his adopted son, and they moved to California. They lived in a relatively prosperous area of LA, a neighbourhood that was almost all white, with a few Asian families, though the boxer Sugar Ray Robinson lived nearby. A year or so after Arthur and his mother moved to LA, so did the Echols family, who had known them in Memphis, and they happened to move only a couple of streets away. Eight year old Arthur Lee reconnected with seven-year-old Johnny Echols, and the two became close friends from that point on. Arthur Lee first started out playing music when his parents were talked into buying him an accordion by a salesman who would go around with a donkey, give kids free donkey rides, and give the parents a sales pitch while they were riding the donkey, He soon gave up on the accordion and persuaded his parents to buy him an organ instead -- he was a spoiled child, by all accounts, with a TV in his bedroom, which was almost unheard of in the late fifties. Johnny Echols had a similar experience which led to his parents buying him a guitar, and the two were growing up in a musical environment generally. They attended Dorsey High School at the same time as both Billy Preston and Mike Love of the Beach Boys, and Ella Fitzgerald and her then-husband, the great jazz bass player Ray Brown, lived in the same apartment building as the Echols family for a while. Ornette Coleman, the free-jazz saxophone player, lived next door to Echols, and Adolphus Jacobs, the guitarist with the Coasters, gave him guitar lessons. Arthur Lee also knew Johnny Otis, who ran a pigeon-breeding club for local children which Arthur would attend. Echols was the one who first suggested that he and Arthur should form a band, and they put together a group to play at a school talent show, performing "Last Night", the instrumental that had been a hit for the Mar-Keys on Stax records: [Excerpt: The Mar-Keys, "Last Night"] They soon became a regular group, naming themselves Arthur Lee and the LAGs -- the LA Group, in imitation of Booker T and the MGs – the Memphis Group. At some point around this time, Lee decided to switch from playing organ to playing guitar. He would say later that this was inspired by seeing Johnny "Guitar" Watson get out of a gold Cadillac, wearing a gold suit, and with gold teeth in his mouth. The LAGs started playing as support acts and backing bands for any blues and soul acts that came through LA, performing with Big Mama Thornton, Johnny Otis, the O'Jays, and more. Arthur and Johnny were both still under-age, and they would pencil in fake moustaches to play the clubs so they'd appear older. In the fifties and early sixties, there were a number of great electric guitar players playing blues on the West Coast -- Johnny "Guitar" Watson, T-Bone Walker, Guitar Slim, and others -- and they would compete with each other not only to play well, but to put on a show, and so there was a whole bag of stage tricks that West Coast R&B guitarists picked up, and Echols learned all of them -- playing his guitar behind his back, playing his guitar with his teeth, playing with his guitar between his legs. As well as playing their own shows, the LAGs also played gigs under other names -- they had a corrupt agent who would book them under the name of whatever Black group had a hit at the time, in the belief that almost nobody knew what popular groups looked like anyway, so they would go out and perform as the Drifters or the Coasters or half a dozen other bands. But Arthur Lee in particular wanted to have success in his own right. He would later say "When I was a little boy I would listen to Nat 'King' Cole and I would look at that purple Capitol Records logo. I wanted to be on Capitol, that was my goal. Later on I used to walk from Dorsey High School all the way up to the Capitol building in Hollywood -- did that many times. I was determined to get a record deal with Capitol, and I did, without the help of a fancy manager or anyone else. I talked to Adam Ross and Jack Levy at Ardmore-Beechwood. I talked to Kim Fowley, and then I talked to Capitol". The record that the LAGs released, though, was not very good, a track called "Rumble-Still-Skins": [Excerpt: The LAGs, "Rumble-Still-Skins"] Lee later said "I was young and very inexperienced and I was testing the record company. I figured if I gave them my worst stuff and they ripped me off I wouldn't get hurt. But it didn't work, and after that I started giving my best, and I've been doing that ever since." The LAGs were dropped by Capitol after one single, and for the next little while Arthur and Johnny did work for smaller labels, usually labels owned by Bob Keane, with Arthur writing and producing and Johnny playing guitar -- though Echols has said more recently that a lot of the songs that were credited to Arthur as sole writer were actually joint compositions. Most of these records were attempts at copying the style of other people. There was "I Been Trying", a Phil Spector soundalike released by Little Ray: [Excerpt: Little Ray, "I Been Trying"] And there were a few attempts at sounding like Curtis Mayfield, like "Slow Jerk" by Ronnie and the Pomona Casuals: [Excerpt: Ronnie and the Pomona Casuals, "Slow Jerk"] and "My Diary" by Rosa Lee Brooks: [Excerpt: Rosa Lee Brooks, "My Diary"] Echols was also playing with a lot of other people, and one of the musicians he was playing with, his old school friend Billy Preston, told him about a recent European tour he'd been on with Little Richard, and the band from Liverpool he'd befriended while he was there who idolised Richard, so when the Beatles hit America, Arthur and Johnny had some small amount of context for them. They soon broke up the LAGs and formed another group, the American Four, with two white musicians, bass player John Fleckenstein and drummer Don Costa. Lee had them wear wigs so they seemed like they had longer hair, and started dressing more eccentrically -- he would soon become known for wearing glasses with one blue lens and one red one, and, as he put it "wearing forty pounds of beads, two coats, three shirts, and wearing two pairs of shoes on one foot". As well as the Beatles, the American Four were inspired by the other British Invasion bands -- Arthur was in the audience for the TAMI show, and quite impressed by Mick Jagger -- and also by the Valentinos, Bobby Womack's group. They tried to get signed to SAR Records, the label owned by Sam Cooke for which the Valentinos recorded, but SAR weren't interested, and they ended up recording for Bob Keane's Del-Fi records, where they cut "Luci Baines", a "Twist and Shout" knock-off with lyrics referencing the daughter of new US President Lyndon Johnson: [Excerpt: The American Four, "Luci Baines"] But that didn't take off any more than the earlier records had. Another American Four track, "Stay Away", was recorded but went unreleased until 2006: [Excerpt: Arthur Lee and the American Four, "Stay Away"] Soon the American Four were changing their sound and name again. This time it was because of two bands who were becoming successful on the Sunset Strip. One was the Byrds, who to Lee's mind were making music like the stuff he heard in his head, and the other was their rivals the Rising Sons, the blues band we mentioned earlier with Taj Mahal and Ry Cooder. Lee was very impressed by them as an multiracial band making aggressive, loud, guitar music, though he would always make the point when talking about them that they were a blues band, not a rock band, and *he* had the first multiracial rock band. Whatever they were like live though, in their recordings, produced by the Byrds' first producer Terry Melcher, the Rising Sons often had the same garage band folk-punk sound that Lee and Echols would soon make their own: [Excerpt: The Rising Sons, "Take a Giant Step"] But while the Rising Sons recorded a full album's worth of material, only one single was released before they split up, and so the way was clear for Lee and Echols' band, now renamed once again to The Grass Roots, to become the Byrds' new challengers. Lee later said "I named the group The Grass Roots behind a trip, or an album I heard that Malcolm X did, where he said 'the grass roots of the people are out in the street doing something about their problems instead of sitting around talking about it'". After seeing the Rolling Stones and the Byrds live, Lee wanted to get up front and move like Mick Jagger, and not be hindered by playing a guitar he wasn't especially good at -- both the Stones and the Byrds had two guitarists and a frontman who just sang and played hand percussion, and these were the models that Lee was following for the group. He also thought it would be a good idea commercially to get a good-looking white boy up front. So the group got in another guitarist, a white pretty boy who Lee soon fell out with and gave the nickname "Bummer Bob" because he was unpleasant to be around. Those of you who know exactly why Bobby Beausoleil later became famous will probably agree that this was a more than reasonable nickname to give him (and those of you who don't, I'll be dealing with him when we get to 1969). So when Bryan MacLean introduced himself to Lee and Echols, and they found out that not only was he also a good-looking white guitarist, but he was also friends with the entire circle of hipsters who'd been going to Byrds gigs, people like Vito and Franzoni, and he could get a massive crowd of them to come along to gigs for any band he was in and make them the talk of the Sunset Strip scene, he was soon in the Grass Roots, and Bummer Bob was out. The Grass Roots soon had to change their name again, though. In 1965, Jan and Dean recorded their "Folk and Roll" album, which featured "The Universal Coward"... Which I am not going to excerpt again. I only put that pause in to terrify Tilt, who edits these podcasts, and has very strong opinions about that song. But P. F. Sloan and Steve Barri, the songwriters who also performed as the Fantastic Baggies, had come up with a song for that album called "Where Where You When I Needed You?": [Excerpt: Jan and Dean, "Where Were You When I Needed You?"] Sloan and Barri decided to cut their own version of that song under a fake band name, and then put together a group of other musicians to tour as that band. They just needed a name, and Lou Adler, the head of Dunhill Records, suggested they call themselves The Grass Roots, and so that's what they did: [Excerpt: The Grass Roots, "Where Were You When I Needed You?"] Echols would later claim that this was deliberate malice on Adler's part -- that Adler had come in to a Grass Roots show drunk, and pretended to be interested in signing them to a contract, mostly to show off to a woman he'd brought with him. Echols and MacLean had spoken to him, not known who he was, and he'd felt disrespected, and Echols claims that he suggested the name to get back at them, and also to capitalise on their local success. The new Grass Roots soon started having hits, and so the old band had to find another name, which they got as a joking reference to a day job Lee had had at one point -- he'd apparently worked in a specialist bra shop, Luv Brassieres, which the rest of the band found hilarious. The Grass Roots became Love. While Arthur Lee was the group's lead singer, Bryan MacLean would often sing harmonies, and would get a song or two to sing live himself. And very early in the group's career, when they were playing a club called Bido Lito's, he started making his big lead spot a version of "Hey Joe", which he'd learned from his old friend David Crosby, and which soon became the highlight of the group's set. Their version was sped up, and included the riff which the Searchers had popularised in their cover version of  "Needles and Pins", the song originally recorded by MacLean's old girlfriend Jackie DeShannon: [Excerpt: The Searchers, "Needles and Pins"] That riff is a very simple one to play, and variants of it became very, very, common among the LA bands, most notably on the Byrds' "I'll Feel a Whole Lot Better": [Excerpt: The Byrds, "I'll Feel a Whole Lot Better"] The riff was so ubiquitous in the LA scene that in the late eighties Frank Zappa would still cite it as one of his main memories of the scene. I'm going to quote from his autobiography, where he's talking about the differences between the LA scene he was part of and the San Francisco scene he had no time for: "The Byrds were the be-all and end-all of Los Angeles rock then. They were 'It' -- and then a group called Love was 'It.' There were a few 'psychedelic' groups that never really got to be 'It,' but they could still find work and get record deals, including the West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band, Sky Saxon and the Seeds, and the Leaves (noted for their cover version of "Hey, Joe"). When we first went to San Francisco, in the early days of the Family Dog, it seemed that everybody was wearing the same costume, a mixture of Barbary Coast and Old West -- guys with handlebar mustaches, girls in big bustle dresses with feathers in their hair, etc. By contrast, the L.A. costumery was more random and outlandish. Musically, the northern bands had a little more country style. In L.A., it was folk-rock to death. Everything had that" [and here Zappa uses the adjectival form of a four-letter word beginning with 'f' that the main podcast providers don't like you saying on non-adult-rated shows] "D chord down at the bottom of the neck where you wiggle your finger around -- like 'Needles and Pins.'" The reason Zappa describes it that way, and the reason it became so popular, is that if you play that riff in D, the chords are D, Dsus2, and Dsus4 which means you literally only wiggle one finger on your left hand: [demonstrates] And so you get that on just a ton of records from that period, though Love, the Byrds, and the Searchers all actually play the riff on A rather than D: [demonstrates] So that riff became the Big Thing in LA after the Byrds popularised the Searchers sound there, and Love added it to their arrangement of "Hey Joe". In January 1966, the group would record their arrangement of it for their first album, which would come out in March: [Excerpt: Love, "Hey Joe"] But that wouldn't be the first recording of the song, or of Love's arrangement of it – although other than the Byrds' version, it would be the only one to come out of LA with the original Billy Roberts lyrics. Love's performances of the song at Bido Lito's had become the talk of the Sunset Strip scene, and soon every band worth its salt was copying it, and it became one of those songs like "Louie Louie" before it that everyone would play. The first record ever made with the "Hey Joe" melody actually had totally different lyrics. Kim Fowley had the idea of writing a sequel to "Hey Joe", titled "Wanted Dead or Alive", about what happened after Joe shot his woman and went off. He produced the track for The Rogues, a group consisting of Michael Lloyd and Shaun Harris, who later went on to form the West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band, and Lloyd and Harris were the credited writers: [Excerpt: The Rogues, "Wanted Dead or Alive"] The next version of the song to come out was the first by anyone to be released as "Hey Joe", or at least as "Hey Joe, Where You Gonna Go?", which was how it was titled on its initial release. This was by a band called The Leaves, who were friends of Love, and had picked up on "Hey Joe", and was produced by Nik Venet. It was also the first to have the now-familiar opening line "Hey Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand?": [Excerpt: The Leaves, "Hey Joe Where You Gonna Go?"] Roberts' original lyric, as sung by both Love and the Byrds, had been "where you going with that money in your hand?", and had Joe headed off to *buy* the gun. But as Echols later said “What happened was Bob Lee from The Leaves, who were friends of ours, asked me for the words to 'Hey Joe'. I told him I would have the words the next day. I decided to write totally different lyrics. The words you hear on their record are ones I wrote as a joke. The original words to Hey Joe are ‘Hey Joe, where you going with that money in your hand? Well I'm going downtown to buy me a blue steel .44. When I catch up with that woman, she won't be running round no more.' It never says ‘Hey Joe where you goin' with that gun in your hand.' Those were the words I wrote just because I knew they were going to try and cover the song before we released it. That was kind of a dirty trick that I played on The Leaves, which turned out to be the words that everybody uses.” That first release by the Leaves also contained an extra verse -- a nod to Love's previous name: [Excerpt: The Leaves, "Hey Joe Where You Gonna Go?"] That original recording credited the song as public domain -- apparently Bryan MacLean had refused to tell the Leaves who had written the song, and so they assumed it was traditional. It came out in November 1965, but only as a promo single. Even before the Leaves, though, another band had recorded "Hey Joe", but it didn't get released. The Sons of Adam had started out as a surf group called the Fender IV, who made records like "Malibu Run": [Excerpt: The Fender IV, "Malibu Run"] Kim Fowley had suggested they change their name to the Sons of Adam, and they were another group who were friends with Love -- their drummer, Michael Stuart-Ware, would later go on to join Love, and Arthur Lee wrote the song "Feathered Fish" for them: [Excerpt: Sons of Adam, "Feathered Fish"] But while they were the first to record "Hey Joe", their version has still to this day not been released. Their version was recorded for Decca, with producer Gary Usher, but before it was released, another Decca artist also recorded the song, and the label weren't sure which one to release. And then the label decided to press Usher to record a version with yet another act -- this time with the Surfaris, the surf group who had had a hit with "Wipe Out". Coincidentally, the Surfaris had just changed bass players -- their most recent bass player, Ken Forssi, had quit and joined Love, whose own bass player, John Fleckenstein, had gone off to join the Standells, who would also record a version of “Hey Joe” in 1966. Usher thought that the Sons of Adam were much better musicians than the Surfaris, who he was recording with more or less under protest, but their version, using Love's arrangement and the "gun in your hand" lyrics, became the first version to come out on a major label: [Excerpt: The Surfaris, "Hey Joe"] They believed the song was in the public domain, and so the songwriting credits on the record are split between Gary Usher, a W. Hale who nobody has been able to identify, and Tony Cost, a pseudonym for Nik Venet. Usher said later "I got writer's credit on it because I was told, or I assumed at the time, the song was Public Domain; meaning a non-copyrighted song. It had already been cut two or three times, and on each occasion the writing credit had been different. On a traditional song, whoever arranges it, takes the songwriting credit. I may have changed a few words and arranged and produced it, but I certainly did not co-write it." The public domain credit also appeared on the Leaves' second attempt to cut the song, which was actually given a general release, but flopped. But when the Leaves cut the song for a *third* time, still for the same tiny label, Mira, the track became a hit in May 1966, reaching number thirty-one: [Excerpt: The Leaves, "Hey Joe"] And *that* version had what they thought was the correct songwriting credit, to Dino Valenti. Which came as news to Billy Roberts, who had registered the copyright to the song back in 1962 and had no idea that it had become a staple of LA garage rock until he heard his song in the top forty with someone else's name on the credits. He angrily confronted Third Story Music, who agreed to a compromise -- they would stop giving Valenti songwriting royalties and start giving them to Roberts instead, so long as he didn't sue them and let them keep the publishing rights. Roberts was indignant about this -- he deserved all the money, not just half of it -- but he went along with it to avoid a lawsuit he might not win. So Roberts was now the credited songwriter on the versions coming out of the LA scene. But of course, Dino Valenti had been playing "his" song to other people, too. One of those other people was Vince Martin. Martin had been a member of a folk-pop group called the Tarriers, whose members also included the future film star Alan Arkin, and who had had a hit in the 1950s with "Cindy, Oh Cindy": [Excerpt: The Tarriers, "Cindy, Oh Cindy"] But as we heard in the episode on the Lovin' Spoonful, he had become a Greenwich Village folkie, in a duo with Fred Neil, and recorded an album with him, "Tear Down the Walls": [Excerpt: Fred Neil and Vince Martin, "Morning Dew"] That song we just heard, "Morning Dew", was another question-and-answer folk song. It was written by the Canadian folk-singer Bonnie Dobson, but after Martin and Neil recorded it, it was picked up on by Martin's friend Tim Rose who stuck his own name on the credits as well, without Dobson's permission, for a version which made the song into a rock standard for which he continued to collect royalties: [Excerpt: Tim Rose, "Morning Dew"] This was something that Rose seems to have made a habit of doing, though to be fair to him it went both ways. We heard about him in the Lovin' Spoonful episode too, when he was in a band named the Big Three with Cass Elliot and her coincidentally-named future husband Jim Hendricks, who recorded this song, with Rose putting new music to the lyrics of the old public domain song "Oh! Susanna": [Excerpt: The Big Three, "The Banjo Song"] The band Shocking Blue used that melody for their 1969 number-one hit "Venus", and didn't give Rose any credit: [Excerpt: Shocking Blue, "Venus"] But another song that Rose picked up from Vince Martin was "Hey Joe". Martin had picked the song up from Valenti, but didn't know who had written it, or who was claiming to have written it, and told Rose he thought it might be an old Appalchian murder ballad or something. Rose took the song and claimed writing credit in his own name -- he would always, for the rest of his life, claim it was an old folk tune he'd heard in Florida, and that he'd rewritten it substantially himself, but no evidence of the song has ever shown up from prior to Roberts' copyright registration, and Rose's version is basically identical to Roberts' in melody and lyrics. But Rose takes his version at a much slower pace, and his version would be the model for the most successful versions going forward, though those other versions would use the lyrics Johnny Echols had rewritten, rather than the ones Rose used: [Excerpt: Tim Rose, "Hey Joe"] Rose's version got heard across the Atlantic as well. And in particular it was heard by Chas Chandler, the bass player of the Animals. Some sources seem to suggest that Chandler first heard the song performed by a group called the Creation, but in a biography I've read of that group they clearly state that they didn't start playing the song until 1967. But however he came across it, when Chandler heard Rose's recording, he knew that the song could be a big hit for someone, but he didn't know who. And then he bumped into Linda Keith, Keith Richards' girlfriend,  who took him to see someone whose guitar we've already heard in this episode: [Excerpt: Rosa Lee Brooks, "My Diary"] The Curtis Mayfield impression on guitar there was, at least according to many sources the first recording session ever played on by a guitarist then calling himself Maurice (or possibly Mo-rees) James. We'll see later in the story that it possibly wasn't his first -- there are conflicting accounts, as there are about a lot of things, and it was recorded either in very early 1964, in which case it was his first, or (as seems more likely, and as I tell the story later) a year later, in which case he'd played on maybe half a dozen tracks in the studio by that point. But it was still a very early one. And by late 1966 that guitarist had reverted to the name by which he was brought up, and was calling himself Jimi Hendrix. Hendrix and Arthur Lee had become close, and Lee would later claim that Hendrix had copied much of Lee's dress style and attitude -- though many of Hendrix's other colleagues and employers, including Little Richard, would make similar claims -- and most of them had an element of truth, as Lee's did. Hendrix was a sponge. But Lee did influence him. Indeed, one of Hendrix's *last* sessions, in March 1970, was guesting on an album by Love: [Excerpt: Love with Jimi Hendrix, "Everlasting First"] Hendrix's name at birth was Johnny Allen Hendrix, which made his father, James Allen Hendrix, known as Al, who was away at war when his son was born, worry that he'd been named after another man who might possibly be the real father, so the family just referred to the child as "Buster" to avoid the issue. When Al Hendrix came back from the war the child was renamed James Marshall Hendrix -- James after Al's first name, Marshall after Al's dead brother -- though the family continued calling him "Buster". Little James Hendrix Junior didn't have anything like a stable home life. Both his parents were alcoholics, and Al Hendrix was frequently convinced that Jimi's mother Lucille was having affairs and became abusive about it. They had six children, four of whom were born disabled, and Jimi was the only one to remain with his parents -- the rest were either fostered or adopted at birth, fostered later on because the parents weren't providing a decent home life, or in one case made a ward of state because the Hendrixes couldn't afford to pay for a life-saving operation for him. The only one that Jimi had any kind of regular contact with was the second brother, Leon, his parents' favourite, who stayed with them for several years before being fostered by a family only a few blocks away. Al and Lucille Hendrix frequently split and reconciled, and while they were ostensibly raising Jimi (and for a  few years Leon), he was shuttled between them and various family members and friends, living sometimes in Seattle where his parents lived and sometimes in Vancouver with his paternal grandmother. He was frequently malnourished, and often survived because friends' families fed him. Al Hendrix was also often physically and emotionally abusive of the son he wasn't sure was his. Jimi grew up introverted, and stuttering, and only a couple of things seemed to bring him out of his shell. One was science fiction -- he always thought that his nickname, Buster, came from Buster Crabbe, the star of the Flash Gordon serials he loved to watch, though in fact he got the nickname even before that interest developed, and he was fascinated with ideas about aliens and UFOs -- and the other was music. Growing up in Seattle in the forties and fifties, most of the music he was exposed to as a child and in his early teens was music made by and for white people -- there wasn't a very large Black community in the area at the time compared to most major American cities, and so there were no prominent R&B stations. As a kid he loved the music of Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys, and when he was thirteen Jimi's favourite record was Dean Martin's "Memories are Made of This": [Excerpt: Dean Martin, "Memories are Made of This"] He also, like every teenager, became a fan of rock and roll music. When Elvis played at a local stadium when Jimi was fifteen, he couldn't afford a ticket, but he went and sat on top of a nearby hill and watched the show from the distance. Jimi's first exposure to the blues also came around this time, when his father briefly took in lodgers, Cornell and Ernestine Benson, and Ernestine had a record collection that included records by Lightnin' Hopkins, Howlin' Wolf, and Muddy Waters, all of whom Jimi became a big fan of, especially Muddy Waters. The Bensons' most vivid memory of Jimi in later years was him picking up a broom and pretending to play guitar along with these records: [Excerpt: Muddy Waters, "Baby Please Don't Go"] Shortly after this, it would be Ernestine Benson who would get Jimi his very first guitar. By this time Jimi and Al had lost their home and moved into a boarding house, and the owner's son had an acoustic guitar with only one string that he was planning to throw out. When Jimi asked if he could have it instead of it being thrown out, the owner told him he could have it for five dollars. Al Hendrix refused to pay that much for it, but Ernestine Benson bought Jimi the guitar. She said later “He only had one string, but he could really make that string talk.” He started carrying the guitar on his back everywhere he went, in imitation of Sterling Hayden in the western Johnny Guitar, and eventually got some more strings for it and learned to play. He would play it left-handed -- until his father came in. His father had forced him to write with his right hand, and was convinced that left-handedness was the work of the devil, so Jimi would play left-handed while his father was somewhere else, but as soon as Al came in he would flip the guitar the other way up and continue playing the song he had been playing, now right-handed. Jimi's mother died when he was fifteen, after having been ill for a long time with drink-related problems, and Jimi and his brother didn't get to go to the funeral -- depending on who you believe, either Al gave Jimi the bus fare and told him to go by himself and Jimi was too embarrassed to go to the funeral alone on the bus, or Al actually forbade Jimi and Leon from going.  After this, he became even more introverted than he was before, and he also developed a fascination with the idea of angels, convinced his mother now was one. Jimi started to hang around with a friend called Pernell Alexander, who also had a guitar, and they would play along together with Elmore James records. The two also went to see Little Richard and Bill Doggett perform live, and while Jimi was hugely introverted, he did start to build more friendships in the small Seattle music scene, including with Ron Holden, the man we talked about in the episode on "Louie Louie" who introduced that song to Seattle, and who would go on to record with Bruce Johnston for Bob Keane: [Excerpt: Ron Holden, "Gee But I'm Lonesome"] Eventually Ernestine Benson persuaded Al Hendrix to buy Jimi a decent electric guitar on credit -- Al also bought himself a saxophone at the same time, thinking he might play music with his son, but sent it back once the next payment became due. As well as blues and R&B, Jimi was soaking up the guitar instrumentals and garage rock that would soon turn into surf music. The first song he learned to play was "Tall Cool One" by the Fabulous Wailers, the local group who popularised a version of "Louie Louie" based on Holden's one: [Excerpt: The Fabulous Wailers, "Tall Cool One"] As we talked about in the "Louie Louie" episode, the Fabulous Wailers used to play at a venue called the Spanish Castle, and Jimi was a regular in the audience, later writing his song "Spanish Castle Magic" about those shows: [Excerpt: The Jimi Hendrix Experience, "Spanish Castle Magic"] He was also a big fan of Duane Eddy, and soon learned Eddy's big hits "Forty Miles of Bad Road", "Because They're Young", and "Peter Gunn" -- a song he would return to much later in his life: [Excerpt: Jimi Hendrix, "Peter Gunn/Catastrophe"] His career as a guitarist didn't get off to a great start -- the first night he played with his first band, he was meant to play two sets, but he was fired after the first set, because he was playing in too flashy a manner and showing off too much on stage. His girlfriend suggested that he might want to tone it down a little, but he said "That's not my style".  This would be a common story for the next several years. After that false start, the first real band he was in was the Velvetones, with his friend Pernell Alexander. There were four guitarists, two piano players, horns and drums, and they dressed up with glitter stuck to their pants. They played Duane Eddy songs, old jazz numbers, and "Honky Tonk" by Bill Doggett, which became Hendrix's signature song with the band. [Excerpt: Bill Doggett, "Honky Tonk"] His father was unsupportive of his music career, and he left his guitar at Alexander's house because he was scared that his dad would smash it if he took it home. At the same time he was with the Velvetones, he was also playing with another band called the Rocking Kings, who got gigs around the Seattle area, including at the Spanish Castle. But as they left school, most of Hendrix's friends were joining the Army, in order to make a steady living, and so did he -- although not entirely by choice. He was arrested, twice, for riding in stolen cars, and he was given a choice -- either go to prison, or sign up for the Army for three years. He chose the latter. At first, the Army seemed to suit him. He was accepted into the 101st Airborne Division, the famous "Screaming Eagles", whose actions at D-Day made them legendary in the US, and he was proud to be a member of the Division. They were based out of Fort Campbell, the base near Clarksville we talked about a couple of episodes ago, and while he was there he met a bass player, Billy Cox, who he started playing with. As Cox and Hendrix were Black, and as Fort Campbell straddled the border between Kentucky and Tennessee, they had to deal with segregation and play to only Black audiences. And Hendrix quickly discovered that Black audiences in the Southern states weren't interested in "Louie Louie", Duane Eddy, and surf music, the stuff he'd been playing in Seattle. He had to instead switch to playing Albert King and Slim Harpo songs, but luckily he loved that music too. He also started singing at this point -- when Hendrix and Cox started playing together, in a trio called the Kasuals, they had no singer, and while Hendrix never liked his own voice, Cox was worse, and so Hendrix was stuck as the singer. The Kasuals started gigging around Clarksville, and occasionally further afield, places like Nashville, where Arthur Alexander would occasionally sit in with them. But Cox was about to leave the Army, and Hendrix had another two and a bit years to go, having enlisted for three years. They couldn't play any further away unless Hendrix got out of the Army, which he was increasingly unhappy in anyway, and so he did the only thing he could -- he pretended to be gay, and got discharged on medical grounds for homosexuality. In later years he would always pretend he'd broken his ankle parachuting from a plane. For the next few years, he would be a full-time guitarist, and spend the periods when he wasn't earning enough money from that leeching off women he lived with, moving from one to another as they got sick of him or ran out of money. The Kasuals expanded their lineup, adding a second guitarist, Alphonso Young, who would show off on stage by playing guitar with his teeth. Hendrix didn't like being upstaged by another guitarist, and quickly learned to do the same. One biography I've used as a source for this says that at this point, Billy Cox played on a session for King Records, for Frank Howard and the Commanders, and brought Hendrix along, but the producer thought that Hendrix's guitar was too frantic and turned his mic off. But other sources say the session Hendrix and Cox played on for the Commanders wasn't until three years later, and the record *sounds* like a 1965 record, not a 1962 one, and his guitar is very audible – and the record isn't on King. But we've not had any music to break up the narration for a little while, and it's a good track (which later became a Northern Soul favourite) so I'll play a section here, as either way it was certainly an early Hendrix session: [Excerpt: Frank Howard and the Commanders, "I'm So Glad"] This illustrates a general problem with Hendrix's life at this point -- he would flit between bands, playing with the same people at multiple points, nobody was taking detailed notes, and later, once he became famous, everyone wanted to exaggerate their own importance in his life, meaning that while the broad outlines of his life are fairly clear, any detail before late 1966 might be hopelessly wrong. But all the time, Hendrix was learning his craft. One story from around this time  sums up both Hendrix's attitude to his playing -- he saw himself almost as much as a scientist as a musician -- and his slightly formal manner of speech.  He challenged the best blues guitarist in Nashville to a guitar duel, and the audience actually laughed at Hendrix's playing, as he was totally outclassed. When asked what he was doing, he replied “I was simply trying to get that B.B. King tone down and my experiment failed.” Bookings for the King Kasuals dried up, and he went to Vancouver, where he spent a couple of months playing in a covers band, Bobby Taylor and the Vancouvers, whose lead guitarist was Tommy Chong, later to find fame as one half of Cheech and Chong. But he got depressed at how white Vancouver was, and travelled back down south to join a reconfigured King Kasuals, who now had a horn section. The new lineup of King Kasuals were playing the chitlin circuit and had to put on a proper show, and so Hendrix started using all the techniques he'd seen other guitarists on the circuit use -- playing with his teeth like Alphonso Young, the other guitarist in the band, playing with his guitar behind his back like T-Bone Walker, and playing with a fifty-foot cord that allowed him to walk into the crowd and out of the venue, still playing, like Guitar Slim used to. As well as playing with the King Kasuals, he started playing the circuit as a sideman. He got short stints with many of the second-tier acts on the circuit -- people who had had one or two hits, or were crowd-pleasers, but weren't massive stars, like Carla Thomas or Jerry Butler or Slim Harpo. The first really big name he played with was Solomon Burke, who when Hendrix joined his band had just released "Just Out of Reach (Of My Two Empty Arms)": [Excerpt: Solomon Burke, "Just Out of Reach (Of My Two Empty Arms)"] But he lacked discipline. “Five dates would go beautifully,” Burke later said, “and then at the next show, he'd go into this wild stuff that wasn't part of the song. I just couldn't handle it anymore.” Burke traded him to Otis Redding, who was on the same tour, for two horn players, but then Redding fired him a week later and they left him on the side of the road. He played in the backing band for the Marvelettes, on a tour with Curtis Mayfield, who would be another of Hendrix's biggest influences, but he accidentally blew up Mayfield's amp and got sacked. On another tour, Cecil Womack threw Hendrix's guitar off the bus while he slept. In February 1964 he joined the band of the Isley Brothers, and he would watch the Beatles on Ed Sullivan with them during his first days with the group. Assuming he hadn't already played the Rosa Lee Brooks session (and I think there's good reason to believe he hadn't), then the first record Hendrix played on was their single "Testify": [Excerpt: The Isley Brothers, "Testify"] While he was with them, he also moonlighted on Don Covay's big hit "Mercy, Mercy": [Excerpt: Don Covay and the Goodtimers, "Mercy Mercy"] After leaving the Isleys, Hendrix joined the minor soul singer Gorgeous George, and on a break from Gorgeous George's tour, in Memphis, he went to Stax studios in the hope of meeting Steve Cropper, one of his idols. When he was told that Cropper was busy in the studio, he waited around all day until Cropper finished, and introduced himself. Hendrix was amazed to discover that Cropper was white -- he'd assumed that he must be Black -- and Cropper was delighted to meet the guitarist who had played on "Mercy Mercy", one of his favourite records. The two spent hours showing each other guitar licks -- Hendrix playing Cropper's right-handed guitar, as he hadn't brought along his own. Shortly after this, he joined Little Richard's band, and once again came into conflict with the star of the show by trying to upstage him. For one show he wore a satin shirt, and after the show Richard screamed at him “I am the only Little Richard! I am the King of Rock and Roll, and I am the only one allowed to be pretty. Take that shirt off!” While he was with Richard, Hendrix played on his "I Don't Know What You've Got, But It's Got Me", which like "Mercy Mercy" was written by Don Covay, who had started out as Richard's chauffeur: [Excerpt: Little Richard, "I Don't Know What You've Got, But It's Got Me"] According to the most likely version of events I've read, it was while he was working for Richard that Hendrix met Rosa Lee Brooks, on New Year's Eve 1964. At this point he was using the name Maurice James, apparently in tribute to the blues guitarist Elmore James, and he used various names, including Jimmy James, for most of his pre-fame performances. Rosa Lee Brooks was an R&B singer who had been mentored by Johnny "Guitar" Watson, and when she met Hendrix she was singing in a girl group who were one of the support acts for Ike & Tina Turner, who Hendrix went to see on his night off. Hendrix met Brooks afterwards, and told her she looked like his mother -- a line he used on a lot of women, but which was true in her case if photos are anything to go by. The two got into a relationship, and were soon talking about becoming a duo like Ike and Tina or Mickey and Sylvia -- "Love is Strange" was one of Hendrix's favourite records. But the only recording they made together was the "My Diary" single. Brooks always claimed that she actually wrote that song, but the label credit is for Arthur Lee, and it sounds like his work to me, albeit him trying hard to write like Curtis Mayfield, just as Hendrix is trying to play like him: [Excerpt: Rosa Lee Brooks, "My Diary"] Brooks and Hendrix had a very intense relationship for a short period. Brooks would later recall Little

Welcome to "MY DIARY" by Izayuh. A podcast I make from my bed lol. This podcast is a from of communication between my friends a I lol. On this podcast I talk to some of my greatest friends. From old friends , some new friends , and so friends that I'm just not as close with anymore. Lets talk friendships , relationships , and the dark truths about life lol. I hope you enjoy. Dearly , Isaiah --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/izayuh5/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/izayuh5/support

In this episode, I sit with Rap Priestess Lizzy Jeff and she shares her deep knowledge of the breasts, how divine they are, and how you can tap into their divinity through breast massage. Lizzy Jeff's music is FYE!!! So after this episode stream her stuff on your favorite platform. I really enjoy the song Goddess Codes on Spotify. Follow Lizzy Jeff @LizzyJeff Add SelfishBabes @SelfishBabes @SelfishTalkPodcast Add me Olanikee Osi @OlanikeeOsi Subscribe to My Diary: where I share my most personal thoughts and vulnerable experiences with you. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/selfishbabe-selfishtalk/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/selfishbabe-selfishtalk/support

Today we've come together for a very special occasion, and that's to have a conversation with Rosa Lee Brooks and Gregg Wright to recognize what would have been Jimi Hendrix's 78th Birthday.On November 27th, Kiss The Sky will be playing an upcoming live-stream to honour Jimi Hendrix's birthday that will air on Facebook and other platforms.Rosa Lee Brooks locked eyes with Jimi Hendrix on New Years in 1963 and it was love at first sight. Cosmically connected, the two went on to write and record My Diary and Utee together forming both a romantic and musical partnership. Rosa began singing at the age of two and thankfully, hasn't stopped. Mentored by Etta James, she brought everything full circle later on when she'd invite musicians into her home and inspire them. We were so happy to have Gregg Wright join us in the studio for this conversation and some music. He really is King of the Rockin' Blues, and we can't wait for his new album, Big Dawg Barkin, to be released early in 2021.We are so grateful to Rosa and Gregg for this conversation. You can find Rosa on facebook and at rosaleebrooks.com Find Gregg online, greggwright.com and that's Gregg with two G's. Don't forget to follow Jimy Bleu and Kiss the Sky and tune in on November 27th to see the band perform live on stream, in all their Jimi Hendrix glory. Enjoy the show! On Friday November 27th from 7pm to 8:30pm Eastern Standard Time, Kiss The Sky presents a live stream of their annual Jimi Hendrix Birthday Bash direct from the historic Bearsville Theater in Woodstock, NY.Check the @BearsvilleTheater and @KissTheSkyTribute pages on FaceBook for more information and head to www.bearsvilltheatre.comThis show is a part of the Pantheon Podcast Network.

Emmy Nominated Choreographer, and International tap star Chloé Arnold was discovered at a young age in Washington, DC by the legendary Debbie Allen. A leading lady of tap, Chloé has performed on stages around the globe and her choreography has been featured in over 50 episodes of The Late Late Show With James Corden, including the hit Crosswalk The Musical, Aladdin with Will Smith, Mena Massoud, and Naomi Scott.  Also on hit television shows such as So You Think You Can Dance, Good Morning America, HBO's Black Lady Sketch show, and national commercials/print campaigns for Special K, Macy’s, GAP, Aldo/Refinery 29, and Cantu.     Chloé’s is the Artistic Director & Founder of Syncopated Ladies, an all-female Tap company that are widely known for viral videos that have accumulated over 50 million views. The most successful being their tribute to Prince and their cover of Beyoncé’s Formation, which Beyoncé shared on all of her social media and then hired Chloé and the Syncopated Ladies to perform at her Ivy Park active wear clothing line launch at TopShop, London. Chloé along with her company performed live on ABC's Good Morning America and have had sold-out concerts in Los Angeles, Dubai, New York City and Washington, DC, receiving rave reviews in The New York Times and more.     Chloé is also a female entrepreneur that holds a degree from Columbia University. She and her sister co-founded Chloé and Maud Productions and DC Tap Festival, and co-produced the award-winning documentary TAP WORLD with Hollywood Executive Producer Dean Hargrove.    Other career highlights include winning So You Think You Can Dance: Dance Crew Battle (Season 11), HBO’s The Comeback, recurring role as an Onyx Girl on HBO's Boardwalk Empire, guest performing on America's Got Talent and Dancing With The Stars, a sold-out NY run of her One Woman show My Life. My Diary. My Dance. at La MaMa in New York City, Global Fusion Concert in Dubai, Jacob’s Pillow Dance, Broadway Cares/Equity Fights Aids Easter Bonnet at The Minskoff Theatre, numerous musical productions with Debbie Allen including performing at a star-studded gala hosted by Diddy at the Howard Theatre in Washington, DC.

Charnele Ann Brown (née Dozier; born October 30, 1965) is an American actress, producer, fashion designer and singer. Brown is perhaps best known for her role as Kimberly Reese on NBC comedy sitcom A Different World from 1988 until 1993.[1]Biography-Born in East Hampton, Brown is a graduate of East Hampton High School. Brown later attended the State University of New York at New Paltz Where she studied acting with other notables, including Aida Turturro. Brown made her Broadway debut in 1989 as the first American member of the South African musical "Sarafina!" Other stage performances have included the roles of Polly and Delores in "The Trials and Tribulations of Stagger Lee Brown," Ruby in "The Lord's Will," Marty in "Sisters" and Mable in "My Diary." After A Different World ended, Brown guest starred on sitcoms such as Living Single, Martin, and Girlfriends. She made a brief appearance in a movie titled How Ya Like Me Now? that starred Darnell Williams and Salli Richardson. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

What do you do when you lose your religion? Your entire life has been identified as religion! Life beats you down where you can't hardly trust mankind anymore because of all the evil around us that seems to take the best of us down. It's time to take a deeper look at our hearts and see where we stand. It's time to step out of the box of religion and see a new perspective in life! Follow me as we inspire each other on this new journey I'm on, to help people see a different perspective on life. Please leave a review or comment. I'd like to hear your point of view on all of this! Please Like, Share, and Subscribe‼️For Booking Purposes, To Send Donations, or Become a Star Sponsor email firetoinspirepod@gmail.comWe are Grateful for your Support! Tune in each week! on NX411 Controlling the Narrative on www.ibnxradionetwork.comCheckout www.angelyasmin.comFollow IG: @iamangelyasminFB: Fire to Inspire YouTube: I am Angel YasminI Send You Love and Rich Blessings!

Lady Luck will erase all your gambling debt and get your family back on their feet as long as you place one final bet, on yourself. Literally. She takes on an associate of Red's who has information on the Third Estate. Support the Show! Be sure to #FillTheFedora on Patreon. Case Profile Lady Luck Lady Luck is really a mother who was down on her luck. While she was giving birth to her daughter, her husband went with their son to buy a scratch off ticket which netted them $87 million dollars. Except that on the way back to the hospital, the husband and son were in an accident which left the husband paralyzed and the son, dead. So she makes it her mission to take gamblers off the map, while also making sure their families are taken care of. Lady Luck goes after an associate of Red's that has infomration on the third estate so the chase is on to stop the execution of this criminal gambler so the task force can get more information on the plot against america. Elswhere Ressler and MJ from the CIA talk about a woman now in her 80s that was a name on a ferry passenger manifest who move to chicago with her husband and four-legged friends. Turns out that this woman cold very well in fact be Katarina's Mother. Except Liz didn't want Ressler digging into things regarding Katarina so now Ressler has to follow up on this lead all on his own. Be sure to answer our profiling question of the week: Is Katarina's Mother still alive?? Visit our feedback page to leave a response or call +1 (304) 837-2278. Lady Luck In Pictures Here are a just a few of our favorite scenes from this week. The Music of Lady Luck Well we know where the music budget went finally the last few episodes. First up as we meet Henry in Atlantic City we hear “My Diary” by 5 Alarm Music. Then as Henry attacks the woman in the tub we hear “Gamblin’ Man” by Lonnie Donegan. As Ned tries to off himself in his garage we hear “My Everything” by Eric Vasquez, Leslie Stevens, Kristen Agee, and Jeff O’Bannon. Then at the end of the episode as Red and Dembe look on from the wings of the stage we are treated to an Acapella version of "Every Breath You Take" from The Police. Fun fact that they had to get the rights from Sting and John Bissell actually worked with the choir for the track we hear in the show. You can hear these songs via the official Blacklist playlist on Spotify or the same playlist recreated by us on Apple Music.  Keep Connected Each week of The Blacklist Exposed will take a deep look at both the minor and major plot lines to this fantastic series. Be sure to subscribe and review us in Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or through whichever podcast app you prefer. Also check out our other Golden Spiral Media Podcasts. A special thanks to Veruca Crews for creating our podcast cover art. If you love it, be sure to check out the rest of her Blacklist and other artwork on her tumblr page. Thanks for listening! We’ll talk to you soon. In the meantime, be sure to keep yourself off, The Blacklist.  Send Us Feedback: Check out our Feedback Form! Call our voicemail: (304)837-2278 Email Us Connect With Us: Facebook Community Twitter Instagram Tumblr Troy's Twitter Aaron's Twitter Subscribe to The Blacklist Exposed: Apple Podcasts,  Google Podcasts,  Spotify,  Pandora,  RSS Feed

Sit down with Remi Rhymez on some advice for freshmen in college and how he adapts to the college lifestyle being from a small town. With a great sense of humor he tells his story about his music & shares a few songs from his New EP. Enjoys some laughs and entertainment! Check out his album My Diary is a Notepad on Itunes Music and Spotify --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/erin-hardy/support

Session 11 When being a premed is a struggle and there are times you don’t think you are going to make it, remember you can do it. Humor and hustle will get us by. [01:15] Caller of the Week: "Just a little foreword to this rant because being a premed sucks and lot of it sucks and it's hard and it's so lonely. I just want to express some sincere gratitude to both Drs. Gray for all the efforts in making this whole premed experience a little bit more bearable - humble, grateful, excited that this might just spread a little bit of positivity. Initial Interest in Biomedical Engineering When I went to college, I wanted to be a biomedical engineer. I didn't really know what they did but it was probably cool, right? Prosthetics or drugs or whatever nanotubes... I was 17, I just thought I could be part of that. I could graduate in four years, get a job, maybe a Master's but probably not. No big deal - but not medicine. I didn't have anyone in my family in science or medicine but I saw their type. They always talk about grades, how easy everything was. They always documented how many hours they were in the library or Instagram and I wasn't about that "gunner" stuff. Anyway, I dropped out of engineering after about two weeks. It turned out I'm not good at math and I don't like it at all. Not my thing. Thinking Through What to Take But going into the whole chemistry, PhD, the big pharma was a good second bet. Sure it was a bit more school but at least PhD programs in my area, they were funded. I didn't have to worry about loans. I don't really have financial support from my folks. Nothing against them but it's just not my scenario. It was kind of big topic in me choosing these things. But orgo was my favorite class, biochemistry was a close second. I even tolerated PChem pretty well. It was still math but it was about something. It wasn't just numbers on a page and I like that. So I did the thing people do. I got a lab tech job that would help me pay rent. My PI was making these peptide drugs that would convince to cure cancer or Alzheimer's or dengue fever or whatever. I did more blocks and more PCRs than I could count... “I was part of the team... but the whole time, I had this feeling that something was missing here.” I was just grateful to be there. I was part of the team... but the whole time, I had this feeling that something was missing here. It wasn't cutthroat. But the part of the work that I enjoyed the most was this prospect of making a therapy that could save someone. But I got sad, maybe it was selfish, knowing that I'd never meet this person. I would just be at the vent where I couldn't take their hand or high five their kids...but that was the road I was convinced that I was supposed to go on - get a job, settle down, have family, have my 2.5 kids in a white picket fence - the American Dream. Going Labless and Jobless Fast-forward to the week before my Junior year began, I keep doing the chemistry lab nerds thing and then I got an email from my PI that essentially says someone who worked before you came back from being abroad. She started this project so we got to let you go. Now, I'm labless, I'm jobless, I'm pissed off. How am I going to pay rent? I go on a run. I come home. I sing all my feelings out in the shower. And I emailed many chemistry professors as possible to add to my CV and get a job and get into a good grad school. But little did I know that I was going to be premed buddy that day. From Jobless to Having a Job on the Same Day! That afternoon, I got a call from my dad about my mom... I visited them. It wasn't anything serious, probably heartburn. But she's okay. The doc and ED was the second nonprimary care doctor I've ever met. The first was a cardiothoracic surgeon who gave my dad a bypass. But I've never seen a doctor like him before. He was chatting with families between rooms. He was high fiving patients in the hall. I think he's a total rockstar in the midst of all this chaos. I just remember thinking it was pretty different from what I thought those kids tearing textbook pages so other people couldn't have it. It was pretty different from that image in my hear that I thought they were like. Then there's this guy with a computer following the doctor around. So I asked him and the doctor said to me it was his scribe who writes his notes so he can spend his time seeing patients, what he was trained to do, instead of sitting behind the computer. For him, it was like paid shadowing and he's going to medical school next year. Me, not really caring about medical school or not, I just thought this was a job and since I was jobless six hours ago, I asked if they needed more scribes. So I got a job but I really didn't know much about shadowing but looks like I could get paid and I could learn at the same time...ultimately, it was a pretty good ending to my otherwise pretty rough day. An Interest in Premed At that point, I totally caught this medicine bug that all my premed friends couldn't shut up about. This was the stuff that I was missing from lab... at the end of the day, I could see an immediate positive impact that these doctors have with others and I was inspired by that. Caring someone of an ailment is super dope, but at the very least, the physician can empathize, they can educate these people. To me, it  was this perfect marriage of continued education and expertise and just being a human being and I like that. So I kept scribing and I ended up in my premed office... but I still didn't have my MCAT or done some shadowing or volunteering. But I told her I've been a scribe for two weeks. In retrospect, I wasn't prepared and I wasn't expecting someone to tell me I'd get into an Ivy League school. I just wanted some direction. I didn't have any family who had done this before. "I didn't really have a template to go forward but I didn't get any encouragement or direction from this lady. She just said pretty quickly, 'you're not going to get in.'" "You're not that bright," she said. "Physicians are good in biology and you're not. I recommend sales or finance." She then went off-tangent... and then she forgot who I was and just moved on to the next person. Finding His Own Encouragement and Getting into Medical School I guess I just had to find my own encouragement. So like I did when I lost my lab job, I went on a run. And some of my friends were talking about podcasting and that's how I stumbled upon this, the Medical School HQ Podcast. And it's just very nice to have that weekly dose of positivity, hearing these stories of a 40 something single parent of four who went against all odds and got into medical school. And I thought that at least one person who had a story at least somewhat similar to mine, let alone all these people who had so many more challenges that I had. "If one person was able to do it, then there's no reason that I couldn't as well." So I joined that pretty cutthroat premed crowd but I still had this mantra of collaboration, not competition. That was still the goal. I kept scribing my junior and senior year. I joined a master's program. I moved to Manhattan. I did some quality work. I joined a second lab, I hated it, I left after six months. I got married. I joined the third lab. I love the third lab. There now, published a couple of things, you shake a couple hands, you shadow a bit, volunteer for a bit... and got into an MD school last week. The first thing that went through my mind other than sobbing to my wife, been calling everyone who had picked up in the middle of the day during the week, was just to stick it to that random one advisor that I had met five years ago. And I just wanted to tell her that if I get 25 rejections today doesn't matter. I got in and you were wrong. But I didn't do that. Instead, I wanted to spread the thing that got me this far in the first place, spreading a little bit of positivity in the light of "oh, look at this small amount of adversity that I've come around and look who came from it." Instead of sticking it to the advisor. I know Dr. Gray has been digesting a lot of Gary Vee, he's this entrepreneur. Something he always says is "happiness is the ROI, the return on investment of life." And this constant negativity from this three-letter forum that shall not be named or these classmates who are stealing textbooks, just the cutthroat nature of this field makes this process so challenging but it doesn't have to be that way. So I hope I can just spread a little encouragement to you all who maybe just got a D on a test or your peer just called it super easy and they didn't study for it and they got an A. Or if you're planning a wedding. That's challenging. If you lost a family member, if you have a kid or three, or you're taking your unplanned gap year, if you have to apply more than once, or if you just had some jaded premed advisor tell you that you should go and become a used car salesman. Keep hustling because it does improve gratitude. Be thankful for the opportunity you have and you all got this! [14:45] Congratulations! This caller has a very good sense of humor and it's infectious. Congratulations on your admission to medical school! Who could blame you for wanting to stick it to your advisor. It's just sad when you think about how somebody like you, if you had listened to that premed advisor and gone in finance. You could have regretted not pursuing this the whole rest of your life. And what a shame that would have been! You obviously got a lot of hustle and hearing how you picked yourself off after having hurdles and things thrown against you and get right back onto the next thing. You have so much drive and ambition. Clearly, that is why you're where you are now. I love how you go for a run, how you sing in the shower... those are great coping strategies. You have an incredible story from losing your job, going for a run, singing in the shower, and this whole series of things happening with your mother in the emergency room, and six hours later, you had a new job which propelled you to end up going to medical school. That is an incredible story! It just goes to show that with that loss of a job, you could've just decided that maybe work and go into finance. Or you might have just completely changed course and decide to leave science. [17:05] Collaboration, Not Competition It's also cool how you were inspired by that emergency room doc. Yes, not all premeds are that gunner type. It's miserable to be around people who all they want to talk about is their grades, how many hours they were in the library, and making other people feel uncomfortable. It's not who we are, it's not who we want to be, it's not who we should be. As you pointed out in your entry, Ryan who is the host of The Premed Years podcast always talks about collaboration, not competition. And that's exactly what the premed community should be. "Collaboration, not competition -- and that's exactly what the premed community should be." Unfortunately, not everybody is like that. But it's great that you got the opportunity to be in the emergency room. Obviously, it wasn't a good reason you were there because your mom was not feeling well. But the fact you got to see this ER doc high-fiving patients inspired you and made you realize that not all premed students are like that. [19:00] Making a Difference as a Physician It's true. Once you get the medicine bug, you can't get rid of it. It's neat that you got that bug and just stuck with it. It's also amazing how you said about the way in which physicians can be there. Even if they can't cure a person, they can always have a positive impact. I think that's why many of us want to be physicians. "You can make a positive impact even if, at the end of the day, you can't cure anyone." As a neurologist, I am unable to cure a lot of people. But I feel very strongly that my job is not to cure people. That's not why I became a doctor, but I became a doctor to make a difference. You can absolutely make a difference in whatever field of medicine you choose [23:17] Spreading Some Positivity Whether you're having a terrible day or struggling through all sorts of things, we help one another by being there and supporting one another and by being grateful. It's hard not to feel just the weight of the amount of negativity that can come from other people. So anytime there is some positivity, it's wonderful that you spread it around. "Grades don't define an applicant by any means." Certainly, you don't tell a person what their chances are getting into medical school. If any of you have had similar unfortunate experiences with an advisor, listen to our caller's wise words and just keep on pushing, keep hustling, and don't let that drag you down. Don't let that make it impossible for you to see yourself as a physician and to keep on a path you're fighting. [26:15] Feedback on Episode 10 "I was actually going to call myself to make an entry about this because it's been in my mind a lot. Keeping it short, I am a 31-year-old who is applying for medical school now. I'm married and not a day goes by without me thinking about it. And it's nice to know that I'm not alone in this and I do agree that being a woman does carry a different perspective into what having kids in the next few years is going to be like. My husband is very supportive too but I know that some things will have to be done by me and not him. So I worry about that a lot and I did get a lot of comments when I decided to. I'm a career changer too and I got a lot of comments and I started to share that I was going to apply for medical school from family just them worrying asking when we're going to have kids if I'm going back to school now. I guess I just learned to listen to them and not take it to heart. What I realized, and I've been on the premed track for the last four years, I actually went back to doing another undergrad to get better marks that are more competitive. And so for the last four years, I have just been thinking about this and working towards being a competitive applicant and what I realized is that I want to be a mom just as bad as I want to be a doctor. It just happened that they're going to have to happen at the same time because of my age. I pretty much have the next ten years to do both. And so I just learned to accept that. What I did start to do, and I would have some suggestions for the caller. I just started to go try seeing other moms who were doctors. I just thought that seeing women who are doing this on a daily basis, using social media to that purpose, and so I started following a lot of doctor moms on Instagram. There is #mamasinmedicine on Instagram and you can find just amazing posts of women who are doing those. I just figured that if I see it enough, my brain would just get the message that it's possible. "Everybody has a different journey that they figured it out in the end." There's also another blog called Mothers in Medicine. The blog features a lot of women who are in different stages of medicine where they all share their journey. There's also YouTuber called Jenny Le and she is a mother of a two-year-old now and she was applying for residency when she was pregnant. This has just been my coping medicine of soaking these energies in and reading about how they make it happen so that I am ready to just be confident in myself and my husband and I's capacity to make it work and just going for it. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone in this and to hear the caller just telling her story is so much of what goes through my head everyday. So know that you're not alone either. If she feels like that it is something she wants badly as she wants to be a mom, just go for it as I'm going for it. I try to also think of that picture and think of 20 years from now when this is all over and our kids are teenagers and we're doctors and we're going to look back and just see that we're proud of ourselves then our kids will be so proud of us. And we'll set as an example. I don't want to a job that I'm not excited about. I realized that's not what I want that's why I'm going into medicine and to make a difference in people's lives. I feel that'show my life is going to have meaning. So I'm going for it and I hope that she does too." "20 years from now, I'm going to thank me for making this decision and it's all I can hope for. As I said, I want to be a mom as badly as I want to be a doctor." [36:05] Be a Part of this Community! Please call 1-833-MYDIARY and leave us a diary entry. Share with us your triumphs as well as down moments. Tell us what you feel. We'de love to hear all about it! Press 1 to leave a diary entry and press 5 to leave your feedback on a previous episode (just be sure to tell us which episode you’re talking about.) Links: PMD 10: The Worry of Being an Older Premed Who Wants Kids The Premed Years Podcast MedEd Media Network Follow #mamasinmedicine on Instagram Mothers in Medicine Jenny Le’s YouTube channel

Session 09 Today, we're hearing from a premed who's struggling with balancing time management and finances. It is hard to be a premed, but it is even more difficult when you have a full-time job a family to support, and your classes are not offered at convenient times. [01:14] Caller of the Week "I'm a little frustrated with the whole college experience. I am an older premed student. I'm 28 years old. I have a family. I'm getting married. I spent a lot of time at the community college, not really knowing what I wanted to do and thinking I was never smart enough to be a doctor even though I always wanted to. I never had the grades in high school. I was an average student. But then I started taking the courses at my community college. I started doing really well. I was getting 4.0's in the sciences and the math. I was doing really well. So I'm like, why not give the premed life a shot? And I did really well. I busted my butt to get out of this community college and transfer to a local four year and I picked this particular school because I thought that it would be more adult friendly. At a community college, it's right next door to another community college that they accept a lot of transfer students from. I think 60-65% of their students are transfer students and adults, older students. So I thought it would be a more working and adult friendly, more friendly towards students and families. But I'm finding more and more that that's not the case and I'm getting really, really frustrated with having to take these courses and take time off of work to do them. All of the sciences are early morning classes, three, four days a week and I just can't take that time off of work and be able to support my family. So I'm really struggling with the time management and the finances. I don't have a way to keep going to school and work to support myself and my daughter. I'm really at a loss here. What to do? I don't know if I should go back to the community college and take the courses there and they'll take courses that the university and at least try to show to med schools that I'm not taking these courses at a community college because they're "easier." I'm taking them because I don't have a choice. I'm doing what I have to do. I don't know if it's worth the risk to do that. And it may be a red flag on my application even if I keep doing relatively well. Or on the other hand, is it worth quitting my job and putting that full load on my wife to pick up the slack and make her breadwinner and I'll be bringing home nothing. I really don't know what to do - get a part-time job, working at a hospital or something. But even then, I don't know if that's enough to make ends meet. The cost of living is pretty high where I live. So I'm not really sure at all what to do. If anyone has any experience with this kind of thing or making this kind of decisions. Or if any of the Doctors Gray have an input, it would be great to hear from you. Thank you very much." [04:35] A Tough Decision and Every Situation is Unique Anybody in your shoes would feel that way. It's a tough decision what you're facing. It sounds like you did great at a community college and then transferring to a four-year university because a lot of people say med schools won't look fondly on community college courses. Now, it's hard because it's not working with your schedule and it sounds like you're doing so much working a 50-hour week, providing for your daughter, and taking classes full-time on the premed track. That's a lot! "In general, in this life, do what works." Every situation is unique. Some medical schools may look more negatively upon a student who has just community course credit. However, it's a statement that doesn't take anything else into account. While you are dealing with a very complex situation. You are caring for your daughter and working more than full-time to provide for her while also working as a premed. So your situation is different than anyone else's because it's a unique situation. Hence, it's not fair to anyone saying that community classes are not that hard. [07:08] Back to Community College If you have the opportunity in your medical school application to talk about how you were trying to do what works to provide for your family and to also be successful on the premed track, I think many admissions officers would understand that decision. They would understand the decision if you went back to a community college. If I were in your shoes, I would probably go back to the community college and take more of your courses there because you want to do what's going to work for you. If it doesn't work for your family and it doesn't work for your schedule and for you to be able to make ends meet and to be taking these early morning classes at the university and there aren't a lot of other options out there, then do what works. Are there other four year schools that offer classes at other times? But that would mean transferring which is a huge deal. Realistically speaking, if you looked at all the options and you're at this school where the only offer classes in the morning, it's hard to argue that you should stay there. To be able to provide for your family and also be able to do the work you do, it makes a lot of sense to take a lot of those classes at a community college. [09:09] Splitting Your Classes One option is maybe there's a class that you can take at a university instead of taking all of them at a community college. But at the end of the day, you want to do what works because you don't want to be so stressed out, burned out, and miserable in this process. That alone will make it harder for you as an applicant and it will be harder not to burn out. "Having to work and go to school at the same time, in and of itself, nevermind having a family, is really, really challenging." [10:27] It's Not Just About Grades, It's About You And just because you're going to a community college doesn't mean you'll be receiving letters of rejections from medical schools. You will have an opportunity to talk about why you took a lot of your classes in community college. You have been successful and getting fantastic grades in your classes and that is huge. Ultimately, don't forget that your application will be unique. It's not just about your grades and the name of the school you went to. It's you! And you will have the opportunity to shoe the best version of yourself and explain why you made the choices you did. "Being able to provide for your family is a very basic thing." Remember that you will have the opportunity to talk about why you made the choices you did and go back to those community classes and do well. Again, if you do, keep one class at the university if possible. But if you can't then that's fine too. [12:50] Talking About Finances There are always options and financial advisors in medical schools can provide you help. A lot of you are struggling, especially nontrads, when it comes to finances. And the price tag on medical school can really be daunting. There are loans and many of us have them. There are other types of things you can do as well. You can sign up for rural-based scholarships or programs that have you work for a certain place for a while and in exchange, you won't have to pay as high a fee. There are a lot of options out there. Many premeds don't consider looking at the cost of living as a medical student. And that will change from where you are now unless you're planning to apply to schools around where you now live. [14:25] Go with Your Gut None of these decisions are easy and you have to go with your gut. It sounds like you're leaning forward to going back to that community college so don't beat yourself up. You're a caring individual and trying to make things work. So have faith in yourself as you've gone this far already. Your daughter will look up to you so much for having made a success of this and going through this process. Sometimes, it can feel you don't have a lifeline but you're strong and resilient. Again, go with your gut. If you think you have to take some of those classes elsewhere then just do it. "Admissions officers are not just going to completely discount you if your classes are all at a community college." [16:00] Listen to The Premed Years Podcast In Ryan's podcast, he talks all the time about how we, as premeds, are not a number. You're not a grade. You're not an MCAT score. You're everything put together and everybody's story is unique. He has a lot of insights in his podcast to share so please take a listen to it. [17:30] Leave Us a Message I would love to hear from you every week! Whether you're having your high moments as well as your low times, if you just want to vent about anything, we're here to listen to you. Call 1-833-MYDIARY and hit 1 to leave a message for Premed Diaries. You can leave a diary entry up to 30 minutes. Press 5 if you want to leave some feedback to any of our diary entries. Links: The Premed Years Podcast

Session 08 Today, we hear from a premed who is struggling with the waiting period after submitting her app, feeling like the waiting itself is like a daily rejection. [01:16] Caller of the Week: "I have always wanted to be a physician and dedicated especially these last few years to making myself the best person and the best applicant that I could be. So when it was time to actually submit an application and get to show admissions committees who I am and why I want to do this, I was really excited. I submitted my application really early and after that, you get all the waves or one big wave of secondary applications... after all of that is done, for the first time in this whole premed journey - silence. Before all of this, you get to work really hard on your grades and then you work really hard on your MCAT, your extracurriculars, your volunteering, your clinical experiences - and all these things. Sure, you continue some of those after your applications are in. But it is completely out of your hands. And that has been really hard for me. I was expecting a little bit of relief but honestly, I have been just so anxious. I ended up getting one interview invite in August which was awesome. And I'm very fortunate to have that. But since then, I have had just complete silence and one rejection yesterday from a school that I really wanted to go to. I just wanted to share that even if you feel like you put your all into this, there's still a process. And it's really hard to wait and to feel like it's a personal rejection when you either get rejected or have to wait another day, check your email, and still hear nothing. It's just been really hard and I thought that other people might be feeling the same way. Not everyone is the people on Facebook or anywhere on the internet that has 7 interviews and 2 acceptances already, and deciding what school to go to. I'm so happy for those people but some of us are still in this waiting game. And it's certainly not over yet. It is only October but that doesn't necessarily lessen the anxiety that comes with the day to day drag of hoping to hear back. I really just wanted to share that in a community of people who probably understand the struggle and have been through it or are going through it right now. I tell my parents, family, and friends and my significant other. And they're all awesome and so supportive. Say how confident they are that I will get in or it's not the end of the world. There's always next year - which is all true and all very encouraging. But it just feels like no one quite understands that day to day pressure. I really wanted to call and be vulnerable about that and let people know that there are lots of us who are still waiting and there's lots of time still. But thank you guys for making this podcast and giving a place for premeds to come together and share in a lot of the struggles..." [05:45] A Place to Be Vulnerable It's a gift to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. What a compassionate and a giving person you are. Struggling with the application cycle waiting period is so understandable. It's such a hard process with so many steps in it. As a premed student you're very used to putting your all into something and working hard. You have a lot of control to a certain extent in those challenges to be able to do the very best you can in each of those. However, once you submit your application, there's nothing more you can do. You have zero control. Once your application has been submitted, the only other time you can make a point of how great you are and sell yourself is during the interview. So also, make sure you prepare yourself well for that. "You're going from a situation where you have a lot of control and you're putting so much hard work into something and then you have zero control." [08:28] Be Positive! Whatever you can do to keep yourself focused and having a positive mindset that you will get in will help you. Being anxious is normal but to allow it to grow too much can quickly become consuming. It can become negative and it can drag you down. [09:08] Understanding Your Journey and Getting Through Anxiety Having the support of family and friends is indeed crucial. But it's true that it's hard for other people to understand your world or your journey. It's a very unique path and it's one that is hard for other people outside of it to really fully understand. They're right that if it doesn't work out this year then there's next year. But that doesn't take away the anguish of not getting in and how hard you've worked and how you might have to do it all over again. Anxiety is something which can become consuming. Talk to people, exercise, or do something that is just about fun. Just doing something to take your mind off of things for a while and keep you happy is really important. "There are moments throughout this path in which you have to wait and the anxiety can be crippling at times." When you feel anxious, take a look and reflect back on how much you've done and be proud of yourself. Be proud of what you've done! Taking the MCAT, volunteering, and getting through all the premed classes, and getting good shadowing experience are all huge milestones you've already done. "When you're feeling down, think back just on how far you've already come." [12:05] Should You Need to Apply Again You've already taken the MCAT and done what you've done. So this won't be a matter of doing it all over again. But it's a matter of course-correcting and figuring out what you could do better the next time. [12:50] Applying to Medical School vs. Residency It's actually so different when you're applying to either. When applying to medical school, you're just hoping and praying that one school will accept you. But applying to residency is so much different. You'll enjoy it so much more. It's like a "wine and dine" experience. And it's more of a two-way street as they will try to get you interested in them as much as you're getting them interested in you. "The residency programs are as eager to get you interested in them as you are interested in having them be interested in you." [14:00] Don't Give Up! It's still early and there's still loads of time, Some acceptances even come through April. So hang in there. Keep talking to other people about this - your family and friends included. And don't listen to those getting multiple acceptances. Who knows if it's all true, anyway. There are other people in this community who share with your experience. Getting a rejection is indeed heartbreaking. But we can be so focused on what we don't have that we lost sight of other opportunities and other great possibilities out there. So just keep yourself focused. Hang in there! [16:45] Share Your Thoughts and Feelings with Us! Call 1-833-MYDIARY and press 5 if you want to leave feedback. If you want to leave a diary entry, press 1. Share with us where you're at in this journey and tell us about your highs and lows!

Session 07 You’re excited to be inching towards your goal of getting into medical school, yet someone you work with is being negative. How do you handle that? [01:17] Caller of the Day: "I work in an emergency department... and recently, I've had a few of my coworkers come to me saying just how there have been complaints from one nurse in particular about me sharing my successes. And it's not like I'm lagging. It's always a nurse would ask. So when my coworker came to me and told me how this one nurse, in particular, has been saying some really nasty things behind my back about my road to med school and just how I'm not going to make it and she's tired of hearing about it. It kind of sucks because I'm sitting here and I don't go out of my way to tell you these things. I thought you genuinely asked. It really hurt. And the crazy part is this is a person who is not even in my age group. This person is old enough to be my grandmother and I'm getting negativity from her. It's even more concerning because as an African-American, there's not a lot of us. And this person saying the negative comments about me is also African-American. Why are women are so quick to put each other down? And just coming to work has been so hard and training is stressful. Am I going to be met with these comments again? Am I going to be met with another individual who's asking about school and do they really care? Just trying to focus on getting through undergrad... I'm a nontraditional student. I graduated high school in 2010, however, I had to take some time off. I had to leave school, family issues, and get back in school. I'm married. I'm older. It's not easy going to school full-time and then working full-time and having to be a full-time wife, and just trying to balance all these things... it's this one person has nothing but negative things to say. I'm really not understanding. But with that though when it's just as crazy in the ED and patients keep coming on both sides. meaning the ambulance is bringing in the patients and then you have patients walking in through the front door, and our ER is not so big. So you can see everyone as quickly as a timely manner as they would like. I always get one patient that constantly be that one reminder that this is why I'm doing this. I am human. I have feelings. For instance, we had a patient come in and they weren't looking too good. Their breathing wasn't normal. And EMS had told us how, due to his blood volume, they had to put in the IO to get the patient's fluids. But that wasn't working. The pressure was really low. Nothing was going right... By the end of that, the patient was talking. One of the nurses on the case was saying how she's had a patient before and she didn't even know that the patient could speak. That, though, was really, really good. As someone who works in the ER, you're going to have those days where you do have to see a patient die. Not saying the cases are easy but some cases are easier to deal with than others. But as someone who has been working in an emergency room for three years, there are some cases where I've never dealt with. I'm so glad you guys are doing this and you have this podcast where we can just talk and vent and just get it all off our chest because it really sucks. It really shocked my husband. He's like, "You've seen someone die in front of you? You say it so nonchalantly." "I'm not trying to be callous or heartless but it's just something that comes with the job." And he said, "how many have you seen?" And I say, "Honestly, I don't count because if I count, I'd have to think about it and if I have to think about it, it's not something I want to focus on and then my day is ruined." But that side of medicine that we don't think about is the aftereffect. What happens when everyone leaves the room? What happens when you really have a sick patient and what happens to the ones that you want to save but we can't? How do you treat those? And on those days, I have moments when I'm just like if this was all I had to deal with everyday, would I still want to be a physician? And I love that I can honestly say yes. Because we're trying to save them. Our hearts are pure in wanting the best care, wanting the best service for our patients. It sucks that at times... by thoughts of other individuals who have their own feelings and their own thought on what your life should be or they just have something negative going on in their life..." [10:10] Thanks for Sharing With Us! Thank you for calling in! You were just so authentic in your description of your feelings about the highs and the lows of what you're dealing with. It's such a great thing to be able to do that. [10:33] Being Around Negative People It really stinks to be around people who are just negative. There really are people who just want to see us fail. And it's even harder if you're working with them and especially if it feels like it's a personal attack. I wonder if this person is just jealous because she's older than you. I wonder if she regrets that she didn't pursue the path that you did. And because she's jealous, she's trying to tear you down. As a woman and as a physician, I've seen people too where you'd expect other women to support you and lift you up. But there are definitely interesting relationships which can exist between physicians and med students and nurses. Many of us encounter this. We want to view our team as a team all working together. But I've had experiences where I've not gotten along well with other people on my team. "There is sometimes bad blood between female nurses and female physicians or female medical students." Sometimes, nurses get frustrated by medical students that come in and think they know what's going on. And the nurses have worked there for a very long time. Then the medical students come in and act like they're the boss. That's very frustrating for nurses. This is even the case with female students who have become physicians. I've seen nurses and women physicians have strife between them. As women, we would all like to see each other succeed because we know it's been a male-dominated environment for a long time and that's changed. But there's still a lot of feeling about how women are oppressed and there's a huge gender pay gap which still exists. Remember that there are going to be people always along the path of life, and the premed journey, and your medical journey who don't want you to succeed. And not you personally, but just in general. There are going to be negative people out there. "It's so frustrating especially if you only have good intentions and you just want to help people." What you need to do probably is keep this kind of people at a distance. And if she asks questions just tell them you'd rather talk about work or just shift the conversation so that she won't have anything in her basket to give you a hard time about. [15:22] Don't Let Negative People Get in the Way You have so much to deal with on your plate, plus the stress you're having in your environment. Keep her at a distance. Well, you have to work with her. But remember that she can't have any power over you. She can't change the outcome of your premed journey. She may make it hard for you. But you're a very resilient person. You have way more to offer than she can so don't let her get in your way and don't let her ruin your day. "When we have someone who's so negative at work, it can really interfere with the actual work we're trying to do because it makes us feel bad." Eventually, they will get bored and they will leave you alone. And the saddest thing at the end of the day is she's going to live with herself and you don't. She has to live with the negative person that she is. [17:30] Celebrating the Wins Write these stories down no matter how busy you are, even just two lines. Just to remind you in the future. And this might even come up in an interview someday for medical school. This might also be something that can give you inspiration for your personal statement. This is a great thing to read when you're feeling crappy and you need an inspiration of why you're doing this. This also includes studying for the MCAT when you're overloaded with information and you're bored with everything you're studying. These types of experiences that you can recall can lift you up so much and keep you grounded. This will help keep you focused so that you don't get sick of studying. "Write down just a couple of lines these stories that really move you and that will stay with you." [19:40] Seeing People Die It's amazing how there's no time allocated to really talk, process and digest these incredibly momentous things we see and we're a part of. For instance, pronouncing someone was something I experienced and there wasn't even anybody standing outside the door asking me how I feel. There are hospitals that do the huddle though, where people just talk about the experience and share their feelings. But in large part, I don't think this is a standard thing. "There is not a standardized way that has become mainstream that allows med students and health care teams to process these very challenging experiences." And it's a big deal to watch another person die. However, sometimes, we don't treat it that way because it is a part of the job. And we have to be able to move on. I don't mean move on and forget but move on to the next person who needs our help. If we all didn't have the capacity to pick ourselves up and move on to the next person who needed our help then it wouldn't work. We would not be able to function. Indeed, watching people die is momentous. But we also have to find a way to be able to pick ourselves up and move on to the next thing. And for people who don't work in health care, this is even something they can't imagine to watch someone die and just move on. It's something you have to take on when you become a physician that you're going to be able to digest and move on to the next thing because we have to. "It's so important to process this kind of stuff and we just have not figured out a way in the medical world to create a space or a place or time for people to just talk and process what they have seen and how it makes them feel." If you too are experiencing any of these, feel free to share it with us here on the podcast. Don't just bury these things as this can be a disservice to yourself. Make sure you have a place to be able to process these very heavy situations. Practice this as a premed as this will definitely help you down the line. [29:15] Keep Calling In! Share your highs and lows with us by calling 1-833-MYDIARY. Press 1 to leave a diary entry and press 5 to give a feedback and let us know what episode you're calling about. Links: MedDiaries.com

Session 06 What happens when you leave a comfortable school that fits you and feels like home, and transition to a large school where the premed culture is toxic? Meanwhile, check all our other podcasts on MedEd Media Network for more premed resources! [01:20] Caller of the Week: "I am premed, who studied at a community college. English is my second language and being in community college felt like home. There was not many premeds, no competition, cutthroat, or any of struggles that we go through for going to big university like where I am right now. At community college, I then struggled with comparing myself with others. I have a couple of premed friends. We always work together, help each other, and it felt like home. Right now, I transferred to a university and it's one of the biggest universities in the U.S. I started my first semester, this semester on campus. And it's been a great self-transition. As a Junior premed, there were many students compared to my community college. One of the biggest struggles is studying with other premeds and hearing them discussing their scores on exams, who got A and did not study as much, or those students who ask questions at lecturers and like, "I don't even know what you're talking about." It's been very tough. I know everyone struggles with different things but being surrounded by students who always get As, not really struggling, or at least, not showing that they're struggling. I spend hours on studying and trying to understand what's going on, especially as Englis is my second language. Sometimes, it's just hard to memorize a bunch of stuff in English. And sometimes, they need double the time that regular students who have been here and English is their first language, being easier on them but not me. I guess, I'm just trying to not compare myself to others. But being in this environment, it's much harder. Today, after my exams, I decided not to stick around and just go to my car. I didn't want to talk to anyone, neither before or after the exam. I didn't want to hear students saying I got an A's, I did not study. Oh this test was easy or that I wasn't ready. I didn't want to compare myself to them because I have my own struggles. I'm trying to overcome them. So I guess it's the premed world. Many people just say yeah, it's easy. But it's not really easy, especially if you're jumping from community college to a university. And it's a totally different environment. Almost everyone in my class is a premed. I know some of my classmates are struggling like me, while others find it easy. I don't know what else to do other than just walk away from those people or try to focus on me, my self-care, and trying to do my best. Because I know, probably the hours I'm spending learning this information, I'm actually learning for the long-term, not only for the test. And learning, from each struggle, something. Whether it's like how to study for a test or I should not leave all this stuff for the night before the test, or just learning from those trials and improving myself, while other people are not really learning from their struggle. I guess that's what's going on today." "Thank you so much for providing this collaborative environment. I listened to the first episode and it helped me a lot because I always feel stressed out and many of my family and friends are not really understanding what's going on, especially with the transition. It's not as easy as people might think. People shouldn't say that community college is much easier than a university. It's not. I study at a community college as well but I didn't really struggle with comparing myself to others. I struggled more on trying to understand and study the new material and new language and new environment." [07:17] Community College vs. Universities Switching from a community college to a university is really a hard transition. And when you feel like you have a family and you're comfortable and if you feel have friends and then you have to change to a big system where it feels scary and you don't have that collaboration anymore. It's really hard! It's nice to have that feeling of having a family in that community college as opposed to a cutthroat environment in large universities. Unfortunately, there's still that likelihood of competition. Don't care about people talking about how much they've studied and them sharing their grades. That can be bothersome. It just makes other people feel bad. Maybe people like to sit around and share about their grades because it gives them some kind of feeling of boosting themselves up. But it's a disservice to everyone. And who knows if people doing that are really honest. They might just be saying that, but the truth is they're insecure and they want to make themselves better than other people. So they say things that are not even true. "Sitting around and comparing your grades is just so not helpful. It makes everyone around just feel nervous and feel anxiety." In fact, we call these people "goners" because they tend to just talk about how easy it is and how great their scores are and the rest of us feel like we're wanting. So do whatever you can to just put blinders on or headphones. Do what you need to. Going to your car after the exams is a great idea because it keeps you focused on your path. [11:03] Don't Compare Yourself with Others It's so easy to get scared and bogged down. It's easy to compare yourself to other people. It's so human. But at the end of the day, just focus on what you need to do and you will be your best guide in terms of what you need. Then you can course-correct along the way. "Compare and compete with yourself. Don't worry about other people." Everyone has a different way of learning. Because we learn information from different pieces and we have different tools, what works for one person could be completely different from what works for another individual. That's why sharing your grades and how you studied would only breed competition and feelings of anxiety for everyone. [12:52] Thriving in a Competitive Environment It's really challenging to be going from a nurturing environment to one that does not. In this case, try to look for 1-2 classmates who share in your philosophy, who want to collaborate and not compete. See if you can have a study group. You don't have to necessarily study with them, but maybe just be able to sit across from one another. So each one is studying his or her own way and at their own pace, but just to have the company is great. It can be lonely to study for hours and hours and hours by yourself and to feel that isolation. So if you can find a friend or someone else who is on the same page as you. But it doesn't mean being with those talking about their scores and how they studied, as they're more into comparing than collaborating. [14:46] Community College is Hard! Just tune all that stuff out with regard to people saying community college is easy. People will just make statements about anything and everything. It's really, really hard to put blinders on all the time and just focus on what we need to do. "As human beings and as premeds. It's so hard to not get bogged down in other people's judgments and statements. Just try to tune it out as much as you can." Go to your car or do something nice for yourself that works for you. Keep listening to this podcast as well. Please do call in. The more of you that call in, the more people out there will feel that they have support. [16:25] Feedback on the First Caller Our caller today gave feedback on our first caller and she mentioned how other people in your life aren't just getting it. And so this is the avenue for all of you to be here for one another. And we are here to support you in whatever way possible. "If you're in the process, you really do get how very hard it is and how hard it is for other people outside the process to really understand at a deep level what you're going through." Hopefully, this community continues to serve you in this way. We're here to listen and support all of you! Call in your successes and failures with us, whatever that might be. Just call 1-833-MYDIARY. Leave a message for premed diaries by pressing 1. You have up to 30 minutes and if the call drops, just call us back and let us know. And if you'd like to leave feedback on a previous episode, just press 5 and let us know which episode you're calling in about. Links: MedEd Media Network

Session 05 In this episode, we hear from a premed who feels overwhelmed by the sheer number of patients needing help. She is working in the emergency department and feels overwhelmed by the number of sick patients coming to them who need care. How can you make sure you stay in the moment? [01:15] Poster of the Week "I'm a premed that works as a tech in the ER. I'm still learning so there's a lot that I don't know yet. I just got my first foley the other day and it was pretty exciting for me. Lately, I've been having a really hard time with the premed path though. Getting into the hospital and seeing the way staffing can be sometimes and seeing how many sick people have to be taken care of all the time. It just seems too momentous sometimes but there's just so many patients of such a high acuity and it's just hard. I can just see why everyone's getting burned out. I just didn't know if anybody had any advice for once you get there, what's the ratios and things look like as a physician." [02:30] Being Overwhelmed by the Number of Sick Patients First off, congratulations on getting your first foley catheter and that's a big accomplishment. It takes a lot to get that done so that's a big deal! On another note, it's good you're already noticing the reason burnout happens even at this stage. Being overwhelmed by the number of sick patients needing care all the time never stops. It probably only differs in terms of where you're practicing medicine. In an ER department, it's a very busy place. There's a lot going on and a lot of people need care all the time. But if you think about a primary care outpatient office or a urology office, this can feel completely different. It also makes a big difference geography-wise. Being out in a rural community where there are a few people is a lot different from a very busy urban center. It's going to vary in an academic center as well. "There's such a huge spectrum in the world of practicing medicine in terms of what the level of acuity is, how many patients are being seen, the kind of care being offered." If you find that you're more attracted to really busy environments as a premed and med student, this is something to take notice of. You'd want to gravitate to things that would keep you happy as a physician. That's part of how we avoid burnout. But if you find that you don't like the busyness and the craze of being in an environment with tons of patients all the time, which emergency departments might be, then this may shift your interest over time. You may want to practice in an environment that has a different dynamic in terms of the number of patients. [05:12] There Will Always Be Patients All this being said, there being so many sick patients needing care all the time is something you find anywhere you go. By nature, you will always need physicians on this planet to help take care of people when they get sick. Even with electronics and technology, or artificial intelligence, you will always need human beings. I don't think a computer could ever replace both a human mind in terms of its capacity for knowledge and being able to practice medicine. That said, there will always be patients and there will always be physicians to care for them and this in and of itself can be overwhelming. "There will always be patients and there will always be a need for physicians to take care for them." Over time, during my internship, I would find that patients seem to always come back. Initially, I found this to be incredibly frustrating. You would try to work so hard to get someone all the things they needed. But we're people and people get sick so they could always come back. So a mindset change was necessary over this whole thing. You have to recognize this is not the end. The goal is not to see them well and they're never going to come back and they're well for the rest of their lives. Because people are going to get sick again and they're going to need help again. Obviously, they're going to come back to the hospital that knows them. Once you're able to shift this mentality, chances are this could lessen your burnout. It helps, plus the fact that you have continuity of care with them and their family. "It's just the nature of it. They're going to come back over and over again but it doesn't mean that you can't make a difference each time that they come." [08:52] Medicine vs. Architecture Medicine is so different from architecture. In architecture, your goal is to build a building and hopefully, it doesn't keep breaking, otherwise, you're probably not a very good one. However, in medicine, human beings are going to keep breaking. So we're fighting against this constant push of disease and accidents and mother nature and trying to get people well and get them healed. It's a very insurmountable barrier because you'll never heal everyone. You'll never fix everybody. You'll never fix them forever. But you can get them better, at least for a day, a week, ten years, however long it may be. "Buildings are going to stand tall. Human beings will continue to break down over and over again and need help." [10:13] Ratios Thinking about the numbers can sometimes help you to not worry as much about what you're going to be faced with. As an intern, I had 10 patients. But duty hours have changed since I was in training. So I pulled out the University of Washington and looked at their residency program. And most, if not all, have admission caps, which means there are caps on the number of people that you can admit and the number of people that you can take care of. And this must be the standard since the ACGME - the governing body for residency programs -  makes things pretty much the same all across the board. So the school doesn't allow a first-year resident or intern to admit more than five new patients per admitting day. You can't be assigned more than 8 patients in a 48-hour period. You can't be responsible for the ongoing care of more than 10 patients. This hasn't really changed much when I was still an intern, as well my husband, Ryan. When you get to that stage as an intern and go to medical school and applied yourself during rotation and have done a sub-internship, you'll be prepared to take that on. If you're interested in learning more about ratios, go online to know what it looks like in the future. If you're feeling burned out, overwhelmed, and scared about what's in the future, it can help you to have some numbers and just to think about. [13:05] The Inpatient Realm: Making a Priority List If you think about inpatient care, there are lots of very sick patients. One of the things that help is focusing on prioritizing. This is something they will teach you when you go through internship. Your mentors and your program directors will teach you about this, as well as your junior and senior residents. By prioritizing things, it helps you through your day. You're able to figure out what you need to do for all these patients and where to start. You can't do everything for all of them all at once. And all of them are going to have different needs. "You literally make a priority list and knock them down one after another." When you're in the thick of it, it can be really stressful. So having a system where you really learn to prioritize is what will guide you through that very overwhelming sea of very sick people you have to take care of. I remember my program director saying he was always nervous if he didn't see an intern carrying a list. So all of us would have lists of our patients and list of things we needed to do. And you will have that as well. As an attending physician, it's just me. So I have a list of patients who I'm consulting on. Again, as to who to see first is a matter of priority. I'm going to see the sickest patients first or rush out to see an acute case. Sometimes in residency, you'd have three acute strokes at one point and you would have to figure out who do you see first. But usually, there would be a team of people to help you. [15:45] The Outpatient Realm: Thanks to EMRs! In an outpatient setting, you'd have hundreds, even thousands of patients you're taking care of. That's a huge number of people you're responsible for. Good thing, many electronic medical records (EMRs) are designed to help you, which have built-in tools to help you keep track of things. It could be a source of burnout itself, but having the HR sending you labs and results and messages enables a system in place that prioritizes things for you. And you can also create your own systems for them along with your staff. Like anything in life, if you create systems for yourself, if you create priorities, that will help you so that it doesn't feel like this overwhelming ocean of sickness and things you need to do that you can't do all at once. "As your responsibilities grow, your systems will grow with them." [18:00] The Star Thrower Loren Eiseley wrote a story called The Star Thrower. And some quotes from that book can hopefully inspire you with regards to dealing with patients. Once on ancient Earth, there was a human boy walking along a beach. There had just been a storm and starfish had been scattered along with sand. The boy knew the fish would die so he began to fling the fish to the sea. But every time he threw a starfish, another would wash ashore. An old earth man happened along and saw what the child was doing. He called out, "Boy, what are you doing?" "Saving a starfish," replied the boy.  "But your attempts are useless child. Every time you save one, another one returns. Often, the same one. You can't save them all. So why bother trying? Why does it matter anyway?" called the old man. The boy thought about this for a while, a starfish on his hand, and he answered, "Well, it matters to this one." And then he flung the starfish into the welcoming sea. [19:57] It Matters to Your Patient Patients are like fishes on the sand that need to be thrown back into the sea. They need our help but we can't help them all at once. That's an impossible goal. We cannot help everybody all the time. That's why we have teams, shifts, our whole staff work for us. But it matters to each and every single patient that you help. Finally, I would encourage you that when you are with a patient, your focus is them and that's what matters. What you do for them, whatever that may be, you are making a difference to that human being. And there's no greater thing in this world. So even if you can't help all patients, at least you can help the person you're seeing that day. It can be so easy to get overwhelmed by the number of sick patients but just be in the moment. "Just in the moment, focus on the person who's in front of you because you will not even appreciate probably how much difference you make to that individual." [22:33] Share Your Story with Us! Please share with us what's going on in your life! Whether you're having a great moment  or not, call 1-833-MYDIARY. Press 1 to leave a message or diary entry. Press 5 to leave feedback on a previous episode, and please let us know which episode you're referring to. Links: The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley

Session 04 Our caller today is sharing with us her triumph after getting into medical school. She actually dropped two posts. She called back after realizing she wasn't coherent with her first message. But we dearly loved it so we're playing both. Share your highs and lows with us! Please call in and share your experience. Call 1-833-MYDIARY. Press 1 if you want to leave an entry and 5 if you want to leave your feedback on a previous episode (make sure to tell us which episode you're calling about). Meanwhile, if you’re in need of other premed resources, please check out all podcasts on MedEd Media Network to help you along this premed journey! [01:40] Poster of the Week: I am going to medical school. I'm a nontraditional student who has been working at this for a couple of years. I guess I'm not that nontraditional, but I realized I wanted to be a physician super late. And I had to empty my savings account so that I could go to medical school. I'd have to take on four jobs. I've had to sacrifice so much. I was engaged and had my fiance break up with me during the middle of Biochemistry while studying for the MCAT. And I still did it. I still kicked butt. I still got everything I needed to. I interviewed a couple of weeks ago and I just received an acceptance call today. Honestly, I'm too happy... but I received my acceptance call today while I was at the dry cleaners and started crying hysterically because I've just been working on this for so long. And it's just been such a hard time. I just wanted to tell people, especially nontraditional students that you can do it and everything is worth this feeling. Everything is worth knowing that what you've been working for years has paid off and you're going to be a physician one day. [03:33] Congratulations! Congratulations! You don't have to be coherent. Obviously, you're so excited and overcome with joy. You've worked so hard to get to where you are and you've gotten acceptance to medical school. So enjoy that feeling! [04:42] Making It Through Hard Times It's so great how encouraging she is telling all of you that you can do it, nontrads especially. It's amazing, too, when she listed all the different things she's had to do to get that acceptance and how hard she's worked. It just goes to show the importance of keeping focused despite all the setbacks that are thrown your way during this process. She emptied her savings account, she talked about having four different jobs, and her fiance broke up with her during Biochemistry while studying for the MCAT. It's just really miserable. [06:00] An Unforgettable Feeling of Elation You will never forget that feeling. You will always have that memory of where you were being at the dry cleaners and getting that call about getting accepted to med school and crying hysterically. This is also something you might tell your kids. And others may find the same experience when you work so hard to get that acceptance, and when you do, that moment is just pure elation. Based on personal experience, I was studying at my parent's house and had been living there for the year. I was sitting upstairs to study and had no idea I might get acceptance through email. I thought it was a phone call or something in the snail mail. So the acceptance just popped into my email and I just started screaming. I was so happy that I started crying. The rest of my family were downstairs and they got so scared they thought something terrible had happened. As I came running down the stairs and told them about the news, we were all crying. "This is one of the first memories I have of truly having tears of joy." Indeed, getting accepted to medical school gives you a feeling of elation so keep that memory forever. [09:00] We Want to Hear From You, Highs or Lows! It's great to hear happy news. This podcast is really here to help you avoid and deal with burnout. We want you to call in and talk about the lowest lows - the hard, frustrating times that make you angry and upset. This place is intended to be a place for you to unload and just anonymously share that. On the other hand, this is also a place for you to be able to talk about the excitement and the wonderful moments. Don't feel like you have to wait to call in to talk about an acceptance. You can call in and talk about the excitement you feel when you have had a wonderful encounter with a patient when you're shadowing or when you got that first interview. Or maybe you had that great interview and you just want to share about that. Those moments are beautiful and wonderful. You should feel free to call. We would love to hear from you at any high or low points along this journey. Hopefully, this example will encourage all of you out there to also share whatever it is you want to share here. "This is what the diary is all about. It's not just to share all the sad things, it's there for you to share the good and the bad." [10:50] Give Us a Call No new feedback for today. But we encourage you all to send some feedback. Call 1-833-MYDIARY and hit 5 if you want to give feedback to previous episodes. And if you're out there and you would want to share your diary entry, please go ahead and share with us. We are here to support you in the premed journey! It's a vulnerable thing to do to call in and talk to an answering machine. So I hope that my comments here are a way of having somebody else talk to you. Again, call in the number and hit 1 to leave a message for premed diaries. [12:38] The Second Time Our Caller Left a Message I called earlier and I wasn't even coherent enough to tell my story. But I just received news that I have been accepted to medical school. And not just any medical school but my dream medical school. It is a feeling that I've never had before. I'm so happy and so excited which is why I'm not really coherent and can't speak English really well right now. But I'm a nontraditional student. I was on track to be a physical therapist when I decided that wasn't what I wanted. So I emptied my savings account and took on an extra job so that I could afford to pay for Organic Chemistry. And I'd finished up Organic I and II and Biochemistry and all that fun stuff. During that, I was engaged and my fiance broke up with me several weeks before I took the MCAT and several weeks before I had a Biochemistry class. That was one of the worst times of my life, if not the worst in my life. I even considered ending my life because I never thought I was going to make it. I never thought that I was going to be a physician. I thought I'd screw up my life totally. I was inside physical therapy school, I had this track going. I thought I was going to fail and that I was now alone without the love of my life. It's about one year since all of that was happening. It was all worth it to be here right now, to be in a place where I know I'm going to be a physician. And everything that I did, every hardship I had to face, all that was worth it because I'm going to be a physician. That's beyond what I put into words how happy I am, how surreal it feels. But all that was worth it. I hope that my story is something that could encourage somebody else out there who's going through so much harder. This is worth everything! Links: MedEd Media Network

Session 03 When you’re struggling with anything in life, premed related or not, it’s very easy to look at them and think they have it easy. We need to stop comparing. Share your highs and lows with us! Please call in and share your experience. Call 1-833-MYDIARY. Press 1 if you want to leave an entry and 5 if you want to leave a feedback (make sure to tell us which episode you're calling about). [01:12] Poster of the Week: "I'm studying for the MCAT... it's a very humbling experience, I could say that for sure. But it seems that I'm struggling with comparing myself to the ones around me. Well, I work so hard and I'm trying my best to get a really good MCAT score. People around me seems to easily get a 510+. And what I need to tell myself is I need to stop comparing myself to people around me and that other people's success is not my failure. I'm not hating on them. I wish everybody the best. But it seems that the past few days, I've just been struggling with this concept of... in looking at others, I keep feeling like there's something wrong with me or I'm not doing enough or I'm not giving it enough, which I am. I'm really working a lot. I'm fully dedicated to MCAT studying. It's like a 9-5 job for me every single day. I have to figure out how I can not compare myself because everybody does differently and it's okay if I failed. And it's okay for me to take it again. I just have to accept that. If someone else is going through this too, know that you're not in this alone. Well, I'm assuming I'm not in this alone so that helps me get through this and realize that it's okay to not score as well on your full-lengths in the beginning. So I still have a way to go. But it's okay. One of my greatest weaknesses right now is accepting. And it's okay to mess up and make mistakes because right now I can learn from them. And I need to stop comparing myself to premeds around me who are getting 510s and 518s. I need to enjoy this journey. I feel I'm just stressing out and the anxiety is causing me to not do well. So I need to learn how to enjoy this journey. So that's another thing I'm working on. I hope that this helps someone out there too. I'm not alone." [04:22] A Humbling and Frustrating Experience Studying for the MCAT as both humbling and frustrating are very common among premeds, as well as the difficulty in not comparing yourself to other people. MCAT is a very hated exam and it can be very humbling for many people. You can study and study and still not get the score that you feel you need. "The MCAT is probably the most hated exam out there among premed students and among people studying science." If you listened to Dr. Ryan Gray's The Premed Years Podcast, he'd tell you that you don't need a specific score to get into medical school. And he has so much great information to people about the MCAT as well as The MCAT Podcast. Getting frustrated about the MCAT is a common feeling so don't beat yourself up about that. You know what you're doing since you're working really hard. And that's exactly what you need to do to get through it. So just stick with it. [05:50] Comparing Yourself to Other People Comparing yourself to other people is a common thing humans do, whether you're a premed or not. We do it as children and even as adults. We just don't show it or being as obvious as when we were children. "It's a very human characteristic to compare yourself to other people." It's also human to almost want other people to be having a hard time as well and to not be doing well on the MCAT because there's that saying, misery loves company. And that's a human thing. Humans don't want to go through difficult things by themselves. It's human to experience the tough things in life with a partner or somebody you can be with so that you're not alone. So when you see other people succeed and you're working hard and feeling like you're failing, it can make you feel like you're doing something wrong. And it can be very isolating. However, at the end of the day, you need to remember that you really don't know how easy it is for those other people. Who knows? You're not with them all the time. They could also be studying all day and night, losing sleep. Every human being's journey is really different. Interestingly, you look on social media and see people always putting their best selves forward. You don't see them crying, arguments, or bad grades. People are not going to post about things like that. They don't tell you how bad life is and putting forward their failures because it's not something we're taught to do. We're not taught to make a big deal about failing. We're taught to make a big deal about a good grade and be the best in anything. We get rewarded as human beings for being the best, not for our failures. So your peers might seem like they're doing really well but who really knows? Hence, take whatever your peers are telling you with a grain of salt. What you want to do is focus on your journey. [09:05] It's Okay to Fail and Enjoy the Journey It's okay to make mistakes. Failure is one of your best teachers. In the same way, you need to learn how to enjoy the journey. But it's hard to live in the moment when you're so focused on your goal of getting into medical school. And it's really challenging to study for something which is just a stepping stone to getting to that goal. "Failure is one of the best teachers out there." I suggest you find the most interesting thing in what you're studying for that day. Then hang onto that. Or find other things in life right now that can give you a break and enjoy. Studying for the MCAT 9-5 can be incredibly monotonous so it's important to really find kernels of things you're really interested in, in what you're studying. And also balance that with things outside of it that can give you some respite and relief. [11:40] People Study in Different Ways When you get to medical school, you're going to be surrounded by several other students who are taking the exact same test as you and focusing on the exactly the same material day in and day out. People study the same thing but they have different ways of studying. And that goes back to this concept that everybody has a different journey. So don't worry about what other people are doing since they have zero bearing on you. You maybe on the same path to medical school, but totally different footprints. "Figure out what works for you. Figure out what you need to do to get whatever score you have as your goal." Essentially, you need to embrace your own self-worth. Embrace your own path and what is unique about you that makes you, you. [14:00] Some Inspiring Quotes for You "Never compare yourself to others, you have no idea what they've been through." "If you continuously compete with others, you become bitter. If you continuously compete with yourself, you become better." Therefore, try as much as you can to put blinders on with other people. If it bothers you to be with other people, go find a quiet place to study. Do what you need to do to succeed. And this will serve you when you get to medical school. [15:50] Feedback for Episode 1 Feedback #1: Our listener wishes to thank the poster for the inspiration. She was still feeling overwhelmed and hearing there is someone working out, made a difference in her day. Feedback #2: The listener is a nontrad student and mom with a fulltime job plus her parttime job. And she sympathizes with not having enough time and not being able to feel like she's on top of everything. She feels like she's always one step behind or she's missing something. She finds it nice to know that there are other people that have the same feeling and are also going through it. It helps to not feel so lonely. Thank you for calling in and giving your feedback. Please call in and share your experience. Call 1-833-MYDIARY. Press 1 if you want to leave an entry and 5 if you want to leave a feedback (make sure to tell us which episode you're calling about). Links: The Premed Years Podcast The MCAT Podcast Premed Diaries Episode 01: The Pressure to Be a Perfect Premed

Session 02 Today, we hear from a premed parent who has been accepted to medical school and is now worried about the financial ramifications and what to do next. Listen in as I share my thoughts as well as some possible options you can take if this is also something you’re going through. [01:16] Poster of the Week: Dealing with Financial Stress & Having Fear of the Unknown "I'm a premed student, have three kids. I'm married. I work full time, my wife works full time, so there's been a lot of stress. I graduated five years ago from undergrad. It's been a little while. I'm doing some postbac, work, and everything. But it's really stressful right now because we have three kids and they're all in daycare. We have to pay for it and we're trying to do bills, budgeting, debts. We're barely in the black in the idea of going to medical school and how to pay for everything. I got accepted to one medical school so I guess this is a trick to be a little bit of both - overwhelmed for everything but at the same time, being excited and having that security that I'm accepted somewhere. I don't know where to go as far as the financial things go. I'm not really sure what the best move is going to be. I'm still interviewing for other schools. I got accepted to one school so I'm really excited about that. But just trying to figure out the finances behind everything. What's going to be the best for my family to be able to put food on the table for at least just the four years of med school and residency beyond that. There are plans for my wife to work while in school but making sure there's going to be enough for everything. I've heard advice from other people on federal loans and if it can't take enough to cover everything then just do private loans. I'm at a loss as to where to even begin or what I should be doing right now. I’ve made some poor financial decisions in the past but we’re beyond that. I think it's just a little overwhelming. It takes away some of the excitement of finally getting an acceptance and still being excited about interviewing at other schools that are away from where we live right now. Just a lot of my mind trying to make sure that I keep everything together with my kids and spend time with my wife and we can actually still have our relationship. I know that med school is even going to be even harder than what the journey was to get to this point." [04:00] It's Tough Stuff! This is tough stuff. This is not easy-peasy. This is the really hard stuff of life. When you're working toward becoming a physician and also trying to put food on the table for your family, the stress and anxiety that come with that are huge. But first of all, congratulations on getting that acceptance. That is huge. After all, you only need one acceptance to become a physician. Many of us had one acceptance and that's where we went. If that ends up being your only acceptance then that's all you need and you'll make it work. "You only need one acceptance after all to become a physician." [05:08] Where to Begin Financially, it's hard. So I'm directing you to my husband, Ryan's podcast on MedEd Media Network in terms of where to start. Check out some of his episodes on The Premed Years Podcast such as Session 94, where he talks with Ryan Michler who runs WealthAnatomy.com. In Session 223, he talked with Dr. Dahle, the publisher of WhiteCoatInvestor.com. These can somehow give you ideas and thoughts about where to begin. Moreover, once you really know where you're going to medical school, there are great financial advisors at a lot of medical schools. Now that you have an acceptance, you're already in the door. So you can call the school, tell them you got accepted and that you really need some help figuring out how you're going to pay for this. "Just even talking to another person who knows the space may give you some peace of mind and some ideas. And that's always a great place to start." [07:35] Putting Food on the Table Ryan, my husband, is also a physician, and over the years, we have talked about our kids (we have two now). I remember our conversation before we even had children and he made some comment about how kids weren't expensive. And he has definitely changed his mind since that conversation. "Kids are very expensive." So having three kids, as this poster has, is very overwhelming, even just in and of itself. For any parent, that is overwhelming. Raising humans is the hardest job on the planet and I say that as a physician who works. So I feel for you with your kids. As you move forward, your kids are going to just be in awe of you. You're going to show them over and over again just how powerful you can be and you are because of how much you've already accomplished and how much you're going to accomplish down the road. You're going to show them just how much you can do in the face of fear and the face of the unknown. [09:50] Dealing with Debt We all have fears in life. But even wealth people have probably made a poor financial decision in their life. It's hard to be human and not make a poor financial decision at some point. The great thing is you have obviously learned from them and you are making it work. Also, you have awareness of the fact that you don't want to be in that situation down the road. So the whole fact you're planning for this, you're aware of it, you're already a leg up. It's a huge part of all of it. [11:15] More Acceptances, More Options Hopefully, you'll have more acceptances as this will give you even more options. Reach out to these other financial advisors at these other schools you're interviewing along the way. They may be able to give you other tidbits in terms of how to pay for this whole thing. There were so many of us in medical school who took out loans and there are a lot of loans and ways to do this. There are federal loans, private loans, as well as rural programs where you can go and agree that you're going to work for a specific time commitment. That way, you have a great deal of money saved because of that option. "If you want to be a doctor, you will find a way to pay for it. I know you will!" So many nontrads are in a very scary situation thinking about how to pay for this very expensive schooling. You already have jobs and mortgages and car payments. And you'll make it work. Because this is a calling. It's not just a job, it's a calling. And if you want it bad enough, you will make it work regardless of what you have to do and what you have to go through. [13:10] Strengthening Relationships And your wife who will also work can help. Leaning on a spouse during a time like this is important and so having that partnership with your spouse is huge. And that relationship will only strengthen during medical school. It's a very stressful time. But if you go in with a very strong relationship, to begin with, it's going to be fine. I've seen relationships break up back in medical school, but they're girlfriend/boyfriend and going different directions in life. But as a spouse, you've already committed to another individual and they're on this journey with you so it's a different deal. It's a matter of how you're going to make it work and get that time you need to have your relationship still take a priority. No matter what you're doing, whether in medical school or resident or an attending, you want to prioritize your marriage. How to make that work is different for everybody, but it's an important thing you want to prioritize. " No matter what you're doing whether, in medical school or resident or an attending, you want to prioritize your marriage." Again, you will make it work! In fact, those with families had a leg up than the rest of us back in medical school, because it's so important to get home and spend time with their kids. And when they were to study, they were super focused. Even though it seems scary and daunting -  finances, children, relationship with wife - I guarantee that you're even going to be more focused as someone studying than others. I believe that having children demands that you focus your time in a different way because you just don't have the option. It gives you a different frame of mind. Many people out there go to medical school and residency with children already and they make it work. So you will too! [17:10] More Schools, More Options Lastly, try to get into more schools not because you need to but because it will give you more options. As humans, we feel trapped when we don't have options and it feels even that much scarier. So the more acceptances you get, the more options you have. So you can have different thoughts about where you can live. And maybe even if you don't have family in those other areas, you might have friends, Friends can really help with kids as well as relatives. So there might be other options you may not be even aware of. [18:00] Fear of the Unknown Sometimes, the unknown can be a good thing, There are things you don't know that are wonderful and are coming down the road. Your commitment and dedication to this whole calling of being a physician will guide you and it will keep you centered and grounded. Any thoughts? Call 833-MYDIARY and just let us know what episode you're referencing. And I will play your response so we can have a dialogue going. Links: MedEd Media Network The Premed Years Podcast PMY 94: Securing Your Financial Future as  Premed and Medical Student PMY 223: Setting Yourself Up for Financial Success, Starting Now WealthAnatomy.com WhiteCoatInvestor.com

The very first episode of Premed Diaries, a podcast dedicated to you. With Dr. Allison Gray as the host, you are the featured guest by calling 833-MY-DIARY. Links: Full Episode Blog Post Call 1-833-MYDIARY and share your thoughts with us! MedDiaries.com OldPreMeds Podcast MedEd Media Network

Session 01 Hi! I'm Dr. Allison Gray. This is our first episode of the Premed Diaries. We created this podcast, along with the other Med Diaries podcast so physicians and physicians in training could have a place to speak their minds, vent, unload, and hear one another in support and solidarity. The premed journey is not easy and there are many stressors, roadblocks, and frustrations. But there are also incredible joys, like that first time you got to shadow a physician or that first interview offer, or that first acceptance to medical school. Here at Premed Diaries, we want to help you on this journey to avoid and deal with burnout - an ever growing threat and serious problem for our physician community. And as a premed student, it's never too early to start. In each episode, we will hear from a premed student and I'll share some of my thoughts as well. You may also hear from others who have called and left a response for the caller on a previous episode. Today, we will hear from a premed student who is dealing with lots of stress and the feeling of needing to be his best in every endeavor and how this is very emotionally draining. [01:10] Caller #1: Feeling the Stress and Pressure Our student today transitioned out of the military in 2016. He went to a premed school following his transition, which he considers as an enormous blessing in his life, and one of the most convincing factors for him to pursue medicine. Right now, he's been dealing with a lot of stress and pressure. He finds it very difficult to convey to the people in his life that things are high-stakes for him. He is working as a paramedic and since then, things feel high-stakes. He expresses the feelings of pressure to get a 4.0 and do well on the MCAT. Alongside, he's also starting his own podcast. "It's a lot to deal with at once." He is working in the emergency department so he gets cases that affect him from time to time. So going and bouncing back from school being so high-stakes to showing up to work and feeling like he needs to be perfect for the sake of the patients, he sees this as a very emotionally draining process. "I feel like everything hangs on a really delicate balance, too. When I go to class, there's pressure to do the best, to be the best, and you still have to show up to work the next day and take care of patients." Not to mention, he has to take care of his family and dealing with being a former veteran along with all the stuff that goes with that. He admits dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety on almost a daily basis. He's trying to manage all these different things at once. He feels like he never takes a break. Fortunately, listening to The Premed Years Podcast and the OldPreMeds Podcast has been therapeutic for him, which he does on his commute to work and school. He still finds it hard for people in his life to realize this. Although he feels so blessed with the podcast they're starting and with him doing well in school, but that doesn't discount the daily grind that can really get at you. He encourages people out there to segment your time as best as you can and take things one at a time. Just keep going and find a little bit of peace and solitude in what you're doing. It's impactful and important to the people who are affected by it. See the bigger picture and things will pan out. "Everything is hanging in such a delicate balance that you feel like you need extra hands and another brain in order to manage it all." Finally, our caller feels great being able to send out this recording since he was able to get all this off his chest. As his way to manage things, he has had a lot of personal growth on time management and dealing with stress, grief, etc. And he hopes all this would help him carry through to medical school and residency, and hopefully become an attending physician. All the skills he learned as a paramedic, in the military, and during training will all be a driving factor. [08:07] Share Your Thoughts With Us! If you also want to share your thoughts with us, call 1-833-MYDIARY and you also can do so anonymously. We would love to hear what you have to say! [08:42] It's a High-Stakes Game Our caller has touched on so many great things many premeds are struggling with. First, is the high-stakes game of being a premed student. There so many pressures you're all dealing with. You could be looking for someone to shadow with or that you're trying to pay your bills. Or maybe, you're changing your career and you still have to take care of your family. You may be a college student and you're also paying your bills. Many of you could probably relate to this high-stakes feeling. "There are so many stressors out there as a premed and it feels really high-stakes because you feel like you can't really do a crappy job at any of it." [09:40] Family and Friends Not Getting It This is an important thing to recognize and acknowledge. Your family and your friends are your biggest fans and heroes and they're rooting for you. But the reality is that a lot of times, they really can't understand what you're experiencing. This is true as a premed student, and more so as you get into medical school and then eventually becoming a physician. "Your family and your friends are your biggest fans and heroes and they're rooting for you. But the reality is that a lot of times, they really can't understand what you're experiencing." Our caller is already a paramedics so he has experience working with patients and working in a very busy environment. So this already shows him how difficult it is. Seeing patients in life-threatening situations and having to be on is a hard thing to do, regardless of your role in healthcare.  This is really tough. And trying to explain what this is like and articulating it in a way that a family member or a friend can really understand when they don't live in that world is really hard. Fast-forward when you're on the wards. It's very hard for people not working in health care to understand the pressure you're under. These hard situations where patients are dying or dealing with incredibly difficult diagnoses. So try as best as you can to vent and talk to your family and your friends. And if they don't get it, then they don't. Good thing you have peers you're going through things with. And they get it a lot more than others. They may not have the close relationships yet as you do with your family and friends but they do get it. [11:26] Needing to Be Perfect We can never be perfect. Physicians and physicians in training, we hold ourselves to this incredible expectations. We think that we really have to be perfect but the reality is that we are human. Being human means that we make mistakes. It's impossible for us to be 100% all the time. We can really only do the best we can. "The reality is we are humans and being humans means that we do make mistakes." That's something I have really tried to keep in the back of my mind all these years, that I'm doing the very BEST that I can. And as long as I'm doing that, then I feel ethically and morally grounded. That if it's not perfect and I make mistakes along the way, at least I'm doing the best I can. So you have to keep this in your mind as well. [12:50] Use Your Resources and Take a Little Break Listening to resources like podcasts such as The Premed Years Podcast and the OldPreMeds Podcast is HUGE, especially when you're feeling that you don't get a break and that you're doing so many different things. It's really important to find anything that gives you a little bit of a break, even if it's just for 20 minutes. Find a TV show you love or sing really loudly in the car. Listen to a podcast that inspires or encourages you. Go to the gym. It's hard to make time for that but a little bit of that even if it's just for 5-10 minutes can get your mind back on task and give you that encouragement you need to keep going when you're feeling really worn out and spent. So use your resources and lean on other people as you can. If somebody offers to make you a meal, take them up on it. If somebody offers to watch your kids, take them up on it. "Just find a little bit of time, even for 20 minutes to get a breath of fresh air so that it can feel like you're getting at least a tiny break." [14:17] Take Your Time and Growth Coming from Pain With all things in general, it's okay to step back and just focus on one thing at a time. If you have kids, you can't just focus on premed stuff because they need your help or you need to make them dinner. But this is an idea in general, where if you have so many different things you're focusing on, in any one minute, try to just focus on one thing. It can help to just step back. It's a cliche that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but that's true. There's so much growth you will see as a premed and as a med student. Your capacity to just take on will just expand. It has to. Your body and your brain just adopt as you have to take on more and more. So you grow ever more. This concept that as painful as it might be to grow from that and not letting it stop you is huge. Lastly, encouraging your peers is huge. As what Ryan's mantra is, “collaboration, not competition.” So encourage your peers no matter what phase you're at. [16:10] Get Things Off Your Chest This is why we're here. We want to give you the freedom and encouragement to reach out and call so you can get things off your chest. I'm here to support you and offer some thoughts every week. This is a great way for us to all support one another. [17:00] Respond to Our First Caller Call 1-833-MYDIARY and let us know you're calling in response to this. I will play your response on subsequent episodes. Thank you for joining us on this first episode everyone! As you move through this journey, listen to this podcast along with all out other series. Let's support one another in fighting this very scary and serious problem we have in this world of burnout. Links: Call 1-833-MYDIARY and share your thoughts with us! The Premed Years Podcast OldPreMeds Podcast

The very first episode of Premed Diaries, a podcast dedicated to you. With Dr. Allison Gray as the host, you are the featured guest by calling 833-MY-DIARY. Links: Full Episode Blog Post Call 1-833-MYDIARY and share your thoughts with us! MedDiaries.com The Premed Years Podcast MedEd Media Network Nontrad Premed Forum

I asked on Instagram (@medicalschoolhq - follow me!) for questions for this episode. You did not disappoint! Check out the episode for some great questions! Links: Full Episode Blog Post Follow us on Instagram @medicalschoolhq Med Diaries (Call in 833-MYDIARY and you have 30 minutes to leave a voicemail.) TMDSAS Podcast Premed Coaching Services Khan Academy Organic Chemistry Tutorial Videos The Premed Playbook Guide to the Medical School Personal Statement Interfolio

Trailer for Premed Diaries. Call 833-MY-DIARY to share your story.

Session 76 This week, we're joined by Allison who has previously shared her story of burnout. We discuss burnout as well as the birth of MedDiaries - our newest project to help with this. This episode is actually taken from The Premed Years Podcast since we're announcing this new project that will greatly impact premed students, medical students, residents, and physicians! [03:35] The Prevalence of Burnout in the Physician Community Allison talks about there are bad days as much as there are good days, which is highly prevalent in the physician community. In fact, 42% of physicians in the 2018 Medscape Report are burned out. Based on personal experience, Allison is passionate when it comes to this topic. She also works in the field of Neurology which ranks second on the list of fields that are most likely to experience burnout, second to Critical Care. More and more people are now researching burnout due to its prevalence in the community of physicians, residents, and medical students. Allison describes how burnout has affected her emotional wellbeing, feelings of self-worth, and even the ability to care for herself. "If you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of other people well. All too often as physicians, we are sacrificing our own wellbeing so that we can take care of other people." [05:05]  Burnout as a Sign of Weakness In the onset of burnout, you begin to feel detached, dissociated, resigned, and separated in some way from the job you were trained to do. And even though it's a high percentage of physicians having burnout, it's not something you experience with other people. You experience it by yourself. "Burnout isn't something you experience with other people. You experience it by yourself." In medicine, what has been taught to us is that if you're strong enough to do it then great; but if you can't handle it, then you shouldn't do it. So if you're struggling with emotional difficulty or feeling exhausted, or if you're experiencing the human side of how difficult it is to be a physician and you talk about it or complain about it, or let it affect your work, then that's seen as a weakness and that it's not acceptable in medicine. This is a subconscious thing, but at the same time, it's something directly taught in a lot of places. You would then have to bury that way deep down inside of you, not in the hospital or in the clinic, but someplace else. If you can't handle it, then there's got to be something wrong with you. This is all a bunch of hullabaloo, but this is what we're taught, unfortunately. But it's not we, the people practicing medicine, who are at fault here as we are all human beings. The problem is we're surrounded by unbelievable pressures and so many different obligations, and other things that take away from the ability for us to practice medicine. For instance, these are things like clicking boxes and EMRs, filling out authorizations - things not about practicing medicine but fulfilling guidelines and nothing to do with directly looking after a patient. "The numbers and pressures on physicians, the number of things that people are being asked to do these days just gets bigger and bigger. The list gets longer and longer." [07:50] Premeds Experience Burnout Too! Premeds experience the same things as well, trying to live up to the standard they think they need to live up to - being a 4.0 student, 520 on the MCAT, and getting all the extracurricular activities in - shadowing and clinical experience. You try to get into the best medical schools and best residencies and be the best doctor. "Burnout is prevalent at every stage of the game. Unfortunately, suicide rates are high among med students and physicians." We can't fix the systemic issues and reason we're discussing it now so as you're going through this process, you get into a position of power where you can make some of these differences. It may be not on a national scale, but on a local scale, specifically for your hospital. That being said, we can change the discussion around burnout. This impetus behind our new project. [09:00] Are You One of Us? Are you a physician and feeling down or burned out? Have you had a terrible day and just need to vent and get something off your chest? Are you a resident working 80+ hours a week in a hospital and watching your patients suffer without any dedicated space or time to talk about it? Are you a medical student feeling the toll of studying all night after working in a hospital all day and wondering if life will look any better when you're an MD or a DO? Are you a premed student with a dream of becoming a physician but you're feeling discouraged by a bad grade or rejection letter, and wondering if you'll ever get there? Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were an anonymous safe place where you could speak your mind and have your voice heard? In this time of extraordinary demands on physicians with 42% of physicians feeling burned out in the latest 2018 Medscape Report, we need a place to be heard. All over the United States, medical centers and medical schools are trying to find ways to help physicians with burnout. Wellness groups and conferences and employee assistance programs have formed. Some residency programs have created programs to help their residents process their grief and other emotions that arise in medical training. There are islands of awareness popping up to try heal and support our exhausted physician workforce and help prevent them from self-destructing and from leaving medicine altogether. [10:22] We All Need Support: Join the Movement! But we cannot do this alone in silos. we need support in a way that we feel connected to all those around us, those who are feeling the way we do but never discuss it openly for fear of looking weak. As attending physicians we are often told to meditate, exercise, and do whatever we can to "fix" our burnout. But we argue that we are not the problem. The systems around us create untenable demand that inevitably leads to burnout. EMRs and endless boxes to check, notes to write, prior authorizations, loss of autonomy, fear of litigation, and lots of reimbursement for doing the incredibly hard work this profession demands everyday. As residents and medical students, we are told to bury our feelings deep down and just get the work done. Yet, we lose a part of ourselves when we don't acknowledge the depths, the fear, the enormous responsibility of telling a family member that their loved one is gone no matter how hard we try to save them. While we don't know the fix for this, one thing's for sure: talking about it helps. Welcome to MedDiaries... When you're having a down moment, call 1-833-MYDIARY and leave an anonymous voicemail. Speak your mind. Drop your guard. Say whatever needs to be said. You will be heard by others feeling the weight of burnout too. This is a place to be heard. Join the movement! [11:53] MedDiaries as Your Trusted Resource All over the country, people recognize there's a problem with burnout. Physicians and people all through every stage of training need a place to talk, and people to talk with about how hard this whole process is. The journey never stops right until you die. "There are pockets all over the place and there isn't a place where people can go to just have their voices be heard." MedDiaries is creating a space where people at every stage of this journey - premed, medical student, resident, physician, or attending physician - can go anonymously and talk about what's going on. We're not going to "fix" it but talking about it is a starting point. And this is what's really missing across the board. Under the MedDiaries umbrella, we're going to have four podcasts: The Premed Diaries Med Student Diaries Resident Diaries Physician Diaries And Allison is hosting the shows! So, whether you're happy because you saved somebody for the first time. Or you're struggling because your boss yelled at you. Call 1-833-MYDIARY. You will be allotted 30 minutes to leave a voicemail. While it's anonymous, you're also welcome to say something about yourself. But we want to keep you protected as well as who you're talking about protected. Tell us what you're feeling. There's no right or wrong. Treat us as a diary. There is healing in speaking what's in your mind and getting it out of your mind and out into the world. "You will be amazed at how much what you say can benefit other people." We're targeting releasing two episodes per week where we get your voicemail. We listen to it, play it, and Allison gives her comments. Then we're going to ask the audience to call in and leave feedback. Again, we're not trying to fix anything. But we're all in this together. When we start sharing our struggles and successes, you'd be surprised at the impact this can make! Links: The Premed Years Podcast Medscape National Physician Burnout & Depression Report 2018 Call 1-833-MYDIARY Stay informed of the MedDiaries launch. Get notified!

Trailer for Med Student Diaries. Call 833-MY-DIARY to share your story.

Charnele Ann Brown (née Dozier; born October 30, 1960) is an American actress, producer, fashion designer and singer. Brown is perhaps best known for her role as Kimberly Reese on NBC comedy sitcom A Different World from 1988 until 1993. Born in East Hampton, Brown is a graduate of East Hampton High School. Brown later attended the State University of New York at New Paltz Where she studied acting with other notables, including Aida Turturro. Brown made her Broadway debut in 1989 as the first American member of the South African musical "Sarafina!" Other stage performances have included the roles of Polly and Delores in "The Trials and Tribulations of Stagger Lee Brown," Ruby in "The Lord's Will," Marty in "Sisters" and Mable in "My Diary." After A Different World ended, Brown guest starred on sitcoms such as Living Single, Martin, and Girlfriends. She made a brief appearance in a movie titled How Ya Like Me Now? that starred Darnell Williams and Salli Richardson. #ADifferentworld #Sitcom #Charnelebrown #Theejonesshow #WWRN1620 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In this episode I talk about how I've Started A Secret DAILY Diary. It won't be available to read however. This is one of those Patreon Perks I talked about before. My Diary can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/vingin __ Here You Can Find All My Gear/Equipment: ► http://Kit.com/vingin Support or INVEST in Vin Ginfield ► https://www.patreon.com/vingin Here Is Where You Can Contact Me: ► http://vinginblog.blogspot.se/p/contact-me.html The Official Vin Ginfield Website ► https://vinginfield.wordpress.com Here You Can Subscribe To My YouTube Channel: ► https://www.youtube.com/user/VinginGopro?sub_confirmation=1 __ NEW EPISODE IS UPLOADED EVERY DAY / SAME TIME: New York(USA 12.00 Los Angeles(USA) 09.00 Tokyo(japan) 02.00 Sydney(Australia) 04.00 London(UK) 17.00 Stockholm(SE) 18.00 __ ps. Don’t forget to subscribe and turn on notifications.