Podcasts about john cacioppo

Join us on an enlightening journey with award-winning author and journalist Julia Hotz, who shares her insights into the world of social prescribing. Julia's groundbreaking book, "The Connection Cure," reveals the transformative power of community activities like art classes and fishing clubs, which foster meaningful connections crucial for tackling addiction and mental health challenges. Inspired by the UK's Minister of Loneliness, Julia highlights the immense health risks of isolation, comparing it to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and explores how structured opportunities for connection can be a lifeline for those often lost in superficial interactions. We explore the profound difference between meaningful and superficial connections. Julia shares real-life stories demonstrating how shared activities can nurture rich, rewarding relationships that promote personal growth much like a nourishing meal, in contrast to the empty calories of superficial online interactions. Vulnerability and shared experiences, she notes, are keys to deepening these bonds, offering listeners a fresh perspective on the value of engaging with others in meaningful ways. In this episode, you will hear: Exploration of social prescribing and its impact on health and healing with insights from Julia Hotz's book, "The Connection Cure" Discussion on the health risks of loneliness, likened to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and the role of the UK's Minister of Loneliness Distinction between meaningful connections and superficial "junk food" connections, referencing Dr. John Cacioppo's theory of self-expansion The five core ingredients of effective social prescriptions: movement, nature, art, service, and belonging Influence of environment on addiction recovery, inspired by Bruce Alexander's Rat Park Study and Dave Lyons' "Tackling Minds" fishing club Follow and Review: We'd love for you to follow us if you haven't yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We'd love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Supporting Resources: NovusMindfulLife.com https://www.instagram.com/hotzthoughts/ https://x.com/hotzthoughts?lang=en https://www.linkedin.com/in/julia-hotz-06510161/ https://www.socialprescribing.co/ Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why does listening to No Stupid Questions feel like you're hanging out with your best friends? Why did the whole world take it personally when Princess Diana died? And how do “parasocial relationships” affect your mental health? SOURCES:Bradley Bond, professor of communication studies at the University of San Diego.John Cacioppo, professor of psychology at the University of Chicago.Joe Cobbs, professor of marketing at Northern Kentucky University.Nick Epley, professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago.Katy Milkman, professor of operations, information, and decisions at the University of Pennsylvania.Emily Oster, professor of economics at Brown University.Anuj Shah, professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago. RESOURCES:"Knowledge About Others Reduces One's Own Sense of Anonymity," by Anuj K. Shah and Michael LaForest (Nature, 2022)."Tragic but True: How Podcasters Replaced Our Real Friends," by Rachel Aroesti (The Guardian, 2021)."The Development and Influence of Parasocial Relationships With Television Characters: A Longitudinal Experimental Test of Prejudice Reduction Through Parasocial Contact," by Bradley J. Bond (Communication Research, 2020)."A Mind like Mine: The Exceptionally Ordinary Underpinnings of Anthropomorphism," by Nicholas Epley (Journal of the Association for Consumer Research, 2018)."Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance," by Angela Duckworth (TED, 2013)."How Soap Operas Changed the World," by Stephanie Hegarty (BBC, 2012)."The Power of TV: Cable Television and Women's Status in India," by Robert Jensen and Emily Oster (The Quarterly Journal of Economics, 2009). EXTRAS:"Can A.I. Companions Replace Human Connection?" by No Stupid Questions (2024)."Rivalry," by Tell Me Something I Don't Know (2017).Behavior Change for Good Initiative.Everything Is Alive.The Know Rivalry Project.

In the 1980s, two social psychologists--Rich Petty and John Cacioppo--devised a new way to make sense of persuasion: the Elaboration Likelihood Model. Their work came on the heels of an era in psychology when people were fed up with persuasion research. The old studies were a mess, and it wasn't clear if it was even possible to understand how persuasion works. In the course of studying for an exam in graduate school, Rich and John started sketching out some ways to make sense of things. Over the next decade or so, those ideas blossomed into a fully formed theory that continues to inspire persuasion research today.In this episode, I bring you up to speed on the Elaboration Likelihood Models and the incredible stories of happenstance that made it all happen. The foundation of the episode includes an interview with Rich Petty, a psychology professor at Ohio State University. In the latter half of the episode, we hear from Pablo Briñol, psychology professor at Universidad Autónoma de Madrid. Plus, there are some bonus words from Bob Cialdini.If you want to dive really deep into the Elaboration Likelihood Model, check out the 1986 chapter in Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (Petty & Cacioppo, 1986). For the updated aspect of the model--"self-validation"--you can check out a recent paper by Pablo and Rich (Briñol & Petty, 2022).For a transcript of this episode, visit this episode's page at: http://opinionsciencepodcast.com/episodes/Learn more about Opinion Science at http://opinionsciencepodcast.com/ and follow @OpinionSciPod on Twitter.

“Our society doesn't want to hear about how interdependent we are—doesn't want to hear that if we want to thrive, we have to put people first and we have to create community. And people need connection with others like they need oxygen. If you create a world where that connection isn't very available or it all happens on a screen, you are going to have huge problems. You are going to have huge problems with depression, anxiety, suicide, emptiness—people are going to make terrible choices.” (Sue Johnson)We need each other. We are relational beings, and our thriving—or languishing—often hinges on relationships. In this episode, psychologists Sue Johnson and Jim Furrow not only explain why relationships are so important, they offer practical advice on how to pursue healing, emotional regulation, and lasting thriving in all kinds of relationships.Sue Johnson is the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, the gold standard in tested, proven interventions of couples and author of many books including Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Jim Furrow is a marriage and family therapist and an internationally renowned trainer of Emotionally Focused Therapy.This conversation goes from profound to practical, covering the biological and psychological science to explain why belonging gives way to becoming. We discuss the rampant emptiness and loneliness, fear, and depression people today experience and the connection between relationships and a sense of meaning in life. Sue and Jim also provide a framework for how to understand your attachment style and the way it impacts your relational health. And they discuss the practical ways we can grow and change so that we can engage in and sustain fulfilling and life giving relationships.In this conversation with Sue Johnson & Jim Furrow, we discuss:What it means to be fully alive, in all the existential fullness that being human meansHow to bring together the spectrum of emotional realities with our lived experienceThe crisis of loneliness we face today, and what we can do about itThe role of empathy and caring in the healing processAn introduction to attachment science, the role of attachment figures in thriving relationshipsAnd the therapeutic and relational practices that lead to security, a sense of worth, empowerment, and competence in life.About Sue Johnson & Jim FurrowSue Johnson is the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy and author of many books including Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Jim Furrow is a marriage and family therapist and an internationally renowned trainer of Emotionally Focused Therapy.Show NotesLearn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy (including ways to find a therapist)Sue Johnson's book, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of LoveWe're made for relationships.“We need to understand how crucial relationships are for us. They are oxygen. We need to help people value them and learn how to have them.”“If we're not willing to risk and we're not willing to reach, we're not going to necessarily be found.”“You can't be a self or by yourself. I think that says it all. That's the most basic human interaction. Do you share my reality? Is my reality valid? Do you see what I see? Can you make sense of it? Can you help me make sense of it? Is what I'm feeling making sense? Can you share it? Am I alone? I mean, this is the most basic human contact of all.”The purpose of our being and our means to becoming.Episode SummaryPam King welcomes Sue Johnson and Jim Furrow.What is thriving meant to you?“Full existential living… fully alive.”Carl Rogers“Trust yourself to go through life in an active way.”“Fulsome being… not only who I am, but who I'm with.”Purpose, meaning, and connectionTherapy is not only about reducing thriving to the treatment of symptoms.Coherence vs Binary Thinking: “How does all of this cohere in a new way of making sense?”Mother and Child: Explaining reality and needing other people to do soUnexpected, unknown, and fearAttachment figuresFullness vs. EmptinessThe relational isn't just a means to an end. It's our purpose.Sue's relationship with her father: “He was an amazing attachment figure.”“I'm an ardent feminist.”Understanding attachment through loss and griefSue Johnson on working with trauma survivorsJohn Bowlby: “You do unto yourself as you've been done to.”“Just to have some sort of sense of who you are, coherent sense of self, you need the recognition from another person. Yes, you matter. Yes, you're important. Yes, you have meaning. Yes, I see you. … to not feel seen, to not feel like you matter to anybody is, it's excruciating for human beings.”“One safe relationship with a loving other. seems to protect us and create resilience.”Jim's loss of his father: “I know he's going through a difficult time, but I believe in him and I know he will make it.”The power of attachmentFully oneself, fully connected with anotherAttachment to God: foundation, protector, shield, transcendentSpirituality and experience of attachment through the beauty and transcendence of nature“My life is part of this beauty.”Animate, invigorate, create.“Your worth comes from your connection to others.”“But no, we're not enough. But I think our society doesn't want to hear that. It doesn't want to hear about how interdependent we are. Doesn't want to hear that if we want to thrive, we have to put people first and we have to create community.”Interdependence and affective dependenceHow to forge relational bonds.Attention“Love and bonding is about attention and if you don't give attention to the other person in your relationship, which means if you don't take the time, make it important enough and focus down and spend time, then whatever connection you have naturally erodes.”ARE—Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged“It's more than date night… it's about engaging with the other person.”“Loneliness and depression are going to be the main problems for the next century.”Relationship-driven church communities“One of the things that is a heartbeat in our work in emotionally focused therapy is calling individuals into opportunities to share vulnerably with one another.”John Cacioppo (loneliness researcher): we have changed deep relationships from an essential to an incidental.Vulnerability and lonelinessDepressed or heartbroken?The impact of smartphone technology on relationshipsEmpathy and caring in the healing process“When the vulnerability becomes specific and makes sense and is accepted, then people have words for it, they can tolerate it, and they start to be able to share it. And when they do that, they pull their partner towards them. They evoke empathy and caring. That's the only solution to human emotional pain that there really exists—s the empathy and caring of another. That is true in religion too. It's the empathy and caring of a God figure. That's about bonding. It's about sharing vulnerability.”“No one goes through vulnerability alone.”Belonging leads to becomingPam King's key takeaways:Being fully alive means finding coherence and connection with others. finding meaning in human and spiritual relationships.Relational bonding is built in to our genetic code. We're built for connection and made for relationships and we have to work at it.Relationships are powerful. They are capable of bringing sorrow and joy. To the extent that they're able to break us down, they're even more able to build us back up and bring us to healing.Longing for relationships is natural and normal. While loneliness can be so frightening, it does not need to be stigmatized. But it does need to be worked through.Often healing comes through the very wounds we're hurting with. We heal when we open up in vulnerability, when we seek transcendence and connection with others, and ultimately with a loving and caring God About the Thrive CenterLearn more at thethrivecenter.org.Follow us on Instagram @thrivecenterFollow us on X @thrivecenterFollow us on LinkedIn @thethrivecenter About Dr. Pam KingDr. Pam King is Executive Director the Thrive Center and is Peter L. Benson Professor of Applied Developmental Science at Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy. Follow her @drpamking. About With & ForHost: Pam KingSenior Director and Producer: Jill WestbrookOperations Manager: Lauren KimSocial Media Graphic Designer: Wren JuergensenConsulting Producer: Evan RosaSpecial thanks to the team at Fuller Studio and the Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy.

Last year, the surgeon general of the United States said that the greatest epidemic we are facing right now is an epidemic of loneliness. John Cacioppo, director for Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, is the world's leading expert on loneliness. In his landmark book, on loneliness, he describes how profoundly the epidemic of loneliness is affecting the basic functions of human physiology. He writes: "When we drew blood from our older adults  and analyzed their white cells, we found that loneliness somehow penetrated the deep recesses of the cell to alter the way genes were being expressed." In other words, when you are lonely, your whole body is lonely. Psalm 133 is a reminder of God's treasuring of community. We are created with a connection requirement!

On today's podcast, Dr. Bray answers a listener's question on loneliness. Tune in to learn about the neuroscience and psychology of loneliness, what happens in the brain, and specific action steps you can take to combat loneliness. In a world where loneliness is increasing exponentially, it is important to understand this issue and notice the signs and warning markers of isolation. If you want to learn more, see below for specific research into the topics Dr. Bray discussed on this episode. “Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for coronary heart disease and stroke: systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal observational studies” by Nicole K Valtorta et al. Heart “Loneliness matters: a theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. Annals of Behavioral Medicine” by Louise C. Hawkley et al. Annals of Behavioral Medicine “The growing problem of loneliness” by Cacioppo & Cacioppo. The Lancet “Brain structure links loneliness to social perception” by Ryota Kanai et al. Current Biology “The association between social relationships and depression: a systematic review” by Ziggi Ivan Santini et al. Journal of Affective Disorders “The neuroendocrinology of social isolation” by John Cacioppo et al. Annual Review of Psychology “Social media use and perceived social isolation among young adults in the US” by Brian A. Primack et al. American Journal of Preventative Medicine “A meta-analysis of interventions to reduce loneliness” by Christopher M. Masi et al. Personality and Social Psychology Review “Mindfulness training reduces loneliness and increases social contact in a randomized controlled trial” by Emily K. Lindsay et al. PNAS  QUOTES BY DR. BRAY “Loneliness can creep in no matter how connected we may appear or seem to be.” “The key to perception is understanding.” “Social media never replaces personal connection.”

We pay a lot of attention to our romantic relationships. Whether it's selecting a mate or maintaining one's relationship with them. Apps make millions of dollars promising to streamline this process. Hundreds of books are published every year telling us how to do it better. And don't get me wrong: long-term romantic partnerships are hard, no doubt. But that difficulty is not lost on us. Multiple industries are designed around giving us tools to help overcome it. It's something we spend a lot of effort on trying to do better.But what about friendship? We also know it's important, sure. But we don't give friendships the same treatment as our romantic relationships. There are no holidays meant to carve out time to express appreciation toward our friends. A few books are written each year about Platonic friendship, but far fewer than those about romantic relationships. And yet friendship is one of the most important aspects of our lives. In some ways, it's even more important than the handful of long-term romantic partners we'll have in our lifetime.This, at least, is the claim made in a recent book by my guest today, Robin Dunbar. Robin is a legendary figure within social and evolutionary psychology. He is perhaps best known for the idea of Dunbar's number: the number of stable, close relationships an individual can maintain is reliably right around 150. But from the broadest level, the major question of Robin's work asks, “What do our circles of friendships look like? What should they look like?”The way that I've come to think about the core of Robin's research is that we all face the same fundamental problem: limited resources. Specifically, limited time. Each of us has to choose how we're going to allocate our limited time to work, family, hobbies, exercise, friendships, and all the other activities and pursuits which we'd like to do. Often when our temporal resources become scarce, the first thing to get cut are our friendships. Friendships don't come with urgent deadlines. We know our friends—our true ones at least—will forgive us if we don't see them as often as we'd like. After all, we've both got a lot going on. What all this adds up to is that the disintegration of friendships over the course of adult life feels all but inevitable.And yet—most of what is known scientifically about friendships is not generally discussed. For example, you have probably heard of Dunbar's 150 figure. But that's not the only important number. There are layers here. Essentially, Dunbar's research shows there are concentric circles of friendships, beginning with your five most intimate friendships, then fifteen close friends, fifty good friends, 150 general friends, then 500 acquaintances, 1500 known names, and 5000 known faces. There's a mountain of evidence showing that these numbers are consistent across cultures—even with the advent of social media. In other words, there's a connection between the quantity of friends we have at any given level and the quality of relationship we should have with them. Maintaining this balancing act has huge consequences for us across all aspects of our well-being.Personally, I believe the acquisition and maintaining of friendships is one of the greatest challenges of adult life. It's especially difficult in a post-pandemic world, where we're less tied down to living in a single place and more free to work in other locations. The cost of this flexibility is increased loneliness. We find ourselves adrift from the usual social rhythms of life which we humans are used to. But unfortunately, the problem of solid friendships is one we spend almost no time trying to solve.Robin's book is Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships. It's out now.[This interview has been edited and condensed. Full conversation available via the podcast.]In the beginning of your book, you present your thesis on why friendship matters. A lot of the evidence you marshal has to do with some pretty convincing studies. Could you say a little bit about what those studies show, and present that argument for why friendship matters so much?One of the big surprises of the last 15, maybe 20, years has been the absolute deluge of studies—some of them short-term cross-sectional, many of them long-term studies— showing that the single best predictor of your mental health and well-being, your physical health and well-being, and even how long you live into the future is determined by one factor and one factor alone. And that's the number and quality of close friendships you have.So typically, this number would be about five people. In collaboration with a bunch of people in Denmark, we did a big study across 13 European countries. We looked at the likelihood that somebody would develop symptoms of depression in the future, and asked what factors predicted that development. What seemed to preserve you from falling prey to depression in the future was having about five close friends and family. So if you had fewer than that, you're more likely to develop symptoms of depression. And if you have more than that, you are more likely to develop symptoms of depression.But there was an alternative. And that was volunteering in a social context, or helping out in a charity shop, or being involved with helping running the scouts, or helping with flowers at your local church, or being involved with a political party—any of those kinds of things that were essentially social activities. So if you had about three of those that was as good as having about five friends, and they were kind of interchangeable. But you couldn't add them together. You couldn't have five friends and three voluntary activities, and hope to live forever—because you wouldn't.And the reason is very simple. It's the reason why having more than about five or six friends isn't really very good for you. It's that you spread yourself too thinly among these people involved in the social environments. So having a smaller number where you can really get to know the people and be engaged with them—that's what's beneficial. If you try and spread yourself too thinly, you don't create relationships of the quality that's necessary to buffer you against things like depression.One of your core ideas has to do with what you call the seven pillars of friendship. These are: having the same language, growing up in the same location, having the same educational and career experiences, having the same hobbies and interests, having the same worldview, the same sense of humor, and the same musical tastes. It's clear how these can play out in face-to-face interactions. But what does this mean for remote friendships—the kind of modern friendships we try to maintain digitally across distance?Okay, so the evidence is both good and bad. Because there's no such thing as Nirvana in the world, everything has a benefit and a drawback. The upside is that, from our work, it seems that different media of interaction—ranging from face-to-face, Zoom video calls, telephone, texts, or emails—are kind of substitutable in terms of how many friendships they allow you to maintain. Because we see exactly the same layers, with exactly the same frequencies of contact, in data from all of these environments, suggesting that they all work pretty much in the same way, and are subject to the same limitations.In other words, just because you use Facebook doesn't create the opportunity to have 1000s of friends—true friends. In your social network, yes, you can be connected to 1000s of people on Facebook. But you're connected to 1000s of people in the everyday world. Some of them we call them friends and family. Some of them we call acquaintances. Some of them we call just people we know—we don't know much about them, but they're part of our social environment. For people who have a very large number of friends on Facebook, a lot of those are in that category.But it seems that there's still something missing in terms of our satisfaction of relationships in those kinds of environments—like Facebook or Zoom—compared to those we have face-to-face. And that seems to be primarily because what's missing is touch. And we use touch constantly with our close friends and family, perhaps out to the 50-person layer of our social network. We don't go around hugging strangers usually, or anything like that. We're very circumspect in who we do it with. But for those, whom we regard as good friends, intimate friends, we do an awful lot of very casual—what's generally referred to now as soft taps and hugs, strokes, pats on the knee, perhaps around the shoulder, all these kinds of things goes on constantly if you just watch people in an informal social environment. And that seems to be very important in creating this sense of relationship quality.I sometimes say, if you want to know how somebody really feels about you, then see the way they touch you—stroke, pat, hug, whatever. This gives you a better sense of what they mean, or what you mean to them, than 1000 words that they might say to you. And that's because words are slippery things. We're very good at saying what we don't mean and making it sound extremely plausible. But it's very difficult to lie in the way you touch somebody, perhaps because it's so, so intimate. So there are those kind of drawbacks, which clearly Zoom and Facebook and anything else you can think of are never quite going to overcome. I just don't see how they can do it.You recently co-authored a paper in Nature Human Behaviour on social isolation and the brain in the pandemic era. Certainly, there was something anomalous with social life during the COVID years. But with the post-pandemic switch to remote work and outsourcing more and more of one's social interactions to online—all the drawbacks, such as lack of touch—what do you think the role of loneliness is in modern life? And how does that play out for us today?John Cacioppo, the late neuroscientist, pointed out that the feeling of loneliness act as an alarm bell. The alarm means you're not meeting enough people: get out and do something, or go find a friend. It's not very good for you to experience loneliness, because it exposes you to the risk of increasing downward spiral of depression. And that has knock-on consequences for physical illnesses, as well as mental health and well-being. So it really is kind of the signal or reminder to for you to try and do something to restore your social environment.The problem is, of course, that's not easy to do. We've suffered from a pandemic of loneliness, particularly in the 20-somethings age cohort, for the better part of 30 years now. It's really surfaced in the big cities in terms of people having their first job after leaving university. Your whole life up to that point has basically been cocooned in a ready-made social environment at school. You had a bunch of people who would make perfectly decent friends. You're used to having potential friends on demand all the time. You go to university and live in student halls or something like that—it's kind of bumpy to begin with, while you just get your feet under the table. But very quickly, you build up friendship circles, because they're there 24/7 and you're seeing a lot of them.Then suddenly you graduate. You get a job in London, New York, or Los Angeles—wherever. And you don't even know where to go to meet people. All the people at work who are the only people you meet regularly already have their sexual lives sewn up. Some of them have families, and they want to get back at five o'clock. Even the ones that don't have families, they've already got their friends and circles and the things they do on an evening with them.So we've had this tendency for the newcomers in businesses or government departments or whatever to be thrown in completely at the deep end with nowhere to go, and it's caused this pandemic of loneliness. It's not good for employees. And it's not good for employers. Everybody's been looking at this going, “We've got a problem. What are we going to do?”One solution is to make the work environment a social environment, which is what they used to be. Until perhaps 50 years ago, when new management practices came in, most big companies had their own social clubs, their tennis clubs, theatre clubs, football clubs, where people hung out after work. And that created this sense of belonging, and a sense of community. And of course, when you came new to that company, or, or business or whatever, you were thrown straight into this social environment where it was safe, everybody knew everybody else, everybody was on the same page. They all shared a lot of their seven pillars of friendship in common simply by being employees in that same environment. And it was a good place to make friends. Some Silicon Valley companies have done that in an encouraging way. But it's not the norm. We can't let it continue, this widespread loneliness. Because it's not good for business. And it's not good for individuals.I'd like to ask you about the difference between a strong romantic relationship and a strong friendship relationship. What does a romantic relationship require that friendship does not?Not a lot. In terms of emotional content, they seem to be very similar. Obviously, romantic relationships tend to have a sexual component to them—which is, by and large, absent in Platonic friendships.But there are important gender differences here, particularly with our closest friends. What you find is that women, in particular, commonly have a” best friend forever,” who's another woman, as well as the romantic partner. Occasionally, about 15% of the time, there'll be another male—a male rather than a female—but most of them typically have a best friend who is a female. The opposite is the case for guys. They will tend to have a male best friend, sometimes a female best friend. But the quality of those relationships is very, very different to the quality of best friends that you find with female “best friends forever.” They're much more casual, and they tend to have been around a lot longer. They tend to date back to kind of high school or college period. If you look at people in their mid 40s, they'll say, “Yes, I've known him since we were at school together, that's my best friend.”In contrast to these kind of best friends, Platonic friends tend to be much more recent. Best friends are more stable than both Platonic friendships and romantic partners—which tend to have a lot more turnover. So female best friendships and romantic partners, they're very fragile in that sense. They're based on deep trust, and therefore you tolerate infringements of that trust. Until it happens once too often, you've had enough and then that's it. And then you have catastrophic breakdown. Whereas in general, other kinds of friends and men's best friends tend to just drift apart.One final question. What are three books that have most influenced the way you think?Actually, I'm going to point in a slightly different direction in terms of what influenced me and offer up the following three.One is a Victorian spoof. Not too many people know about it. It's called Flatland. And it was written by a couple of guy masquerading under the pseudonym “A Square.” It is a kind of spoof on hierarchies in society. So it imagine the world consists of different kinds of dimensions. So you're a two dimensional person, and you enter into this world where one dimensional people are dots and three dimensional people are cubes—and you're trying to negotiate this strange social world. It's a reminder that your particular viewpoint or your particular culture is not necessarily the ultimate good thing. You should take other cultures at face value and enjoy them, get to know them and understand them—in the sense of how the square would have to understand the cube world or the one dimensional world.As a second book, I'm going to pick T.S. Eliot's poetry. I actually studied Eliot in high school for my high school final exams (A Levels as we call them here). I think he's just the most amazing poet who ever came our way. In many ways: mentally complex, and extremely well read, and immensely deep.As the last choice, I'm actually going to pick something I'm sure nobody's ever heard of. It's the Irish writer Brendan Behan's semi-autobiographical book called Hold Your Hour and Have Another. It just has that Irish flow and fun—that sense of fun and “life is a gas,” as the as the saying goes. It's just wonderfully well-written little vignettes on his experiences in life. Great guy: he died very young, at the age of 41. Same age actually as the other greatest poet ever, Dylan Thomas, the Welsh poet, who I might otherwise have included, because his sense of observation is absolutely extraordinary. T.S. Eliot is more internal and intellectualizing and looking at himself. Dylan Thomas's observations on the foibles of other people is just unbelievable in his way with words. It's just beautiful. It's absolutely fantastic stuff. So you get four for the price of one.Robin Dunbar, thank you so much for taking the time to talk today.You're very welcome. It's been great fun.[I hope you find something good for your next read. If you happen to find it through the above links, I get a referral fee. Thanks!] This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit codykommers.substack.com/subscribe

"John Cacioppo, Ph.D., and colleagues at the University of Chicago actually measured the electrical output of the cerebral cortex to demonstrate that, across a variety of situations, negative information leads to a swift and outsize surge in activity. One hurt lingers longer than one compliment. Nevertheless, the ability to rapidly detect bad news and weight it so heavily, Cacioppo says, evolved for a very positive reason—to keep us out of harm's way.”https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201311/the-power-no

John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago says, "Loneliness is an aversive signal, much like thirst, hunger or pain." Being connected to a group, on the other hand, and the quality of our relationships, is a biological need and adaptive to our survival.  "Group Life" is the Church's answer to the epidemic of isolation. Find ways to connect with others at ginghamsburg.org/connect-serve.

Door de prangende levensvragen van Stijn en Stephanie worden we een parallel universum in gekatapulteerd: dat van de alleenstaanden (lang geleden vertoefden wij daar ook al eens, maar dat is dus lang geleden. Anyway.) Zijn singles ongelukkiger dan mensen met een lief? Hoe essentieel zijn relaties eigenlijk voor mensen? En waarom noemen we iemand überhaupt ‘alleenstaand' als die geen liefdespartner heeft maar wel een hechte band met familie of vrienden? Hoe maak je dat eigenlijk: ‘vrienden'? Maaike en Eva zoeken het voor je uit! Heb jij ook een levensvraag voor ons? Spreek ze in op memo.fm/brutonationaalgeluk - en wie weet ben jij de ster van een volgende uitzending. Wil je meer lezen of uitzoeken? over het langstlopende onderzoek aan Harvard ooit kan je hier een TED-talk zien van onderzoeksleider Robert Waldinger de mens heeft drie psychologische basisbehoeftes volgens de zelfdeterminatietheorie (Ryan & Deci): autonomie, competentie en verbondenheid een samenvatting over onderzoek naar ‘happy singles' lees je hier het boek ‘Vriendschap in tijden van eenzaamheid' van Selma Franssen is een aanrader: voor het wetenschappelijk onderzoek, de gedegen journalistiek én haar boeiende inzichten. over het onderzoek naar eenzaamheid en de menselijke behoefte aan sociale verbondenheid lees je alles in ‘Loneliness' van John Cacioppo deze podcast-aflevering over eenzaamheid maakten wij een paar jaar geleden voor Studio Brein lees dit artikel over de onderzoekers van de universiteit van Kansas over hoeveel tijd je nodig hebt om vrienden te maken

New York Vinnie opens this week's episode of DriveTime Radio by talking about how different car reviewers make their content stand out from others in the media. Plus, the benefits of owning a smaller sized truck. Then for the main segment, Vinnie interviews John Cacioppo, who is participating in the Drive Toward a Cure for Parkinson's Disease. They cover some of his favorite moments driving the 2012 Porsche 911 convertible cross country, and why this cause matters so much to him. To make a pledge, visit www.drivetowardacure.org. This week's road test features the Mitsubishi Outlander

New York Vinnie opens this week's episode of DriveTime Radio by talking about how different car reviewers make their content stand out from others in the media. Plus, the benefits of owning a smaller sized truck. Then for the main segment, Vinnie interviews John Cacioppo, who is participating in the Drive Toward a Cure for Parkinson's Disease. They cover some of his favorite moments driving the 2012 Porsche 911 convertible cross country, and why this cause matters so much to him. To make a pledge, visit www.drivetowardacure.org. This week's road test features the Mitsubishi Outlander

The lethality of loneliness - John Cacioppo

What does community mean to you? To me, it means a safety net. People to call when I have a problem, people to commiserate with when going through a hard time, people to celebrate with when happy things happen. It means having people there to help when you need it and being there to offer help when they need it. Being in community means taking care of eachother. But what happens when many of the ways we typically do this for each other become impossible because of the circumstances we're living through? According to Dr. Vivek Murthy in his book, Together, loneliness is an epidemic. One of the most prevalent epidemics of our time. Loneliness was an issue long before COVID and it will surely be one long after. But, if we start to recognize it and take actionable steps towards addressing it, maybe we can slowly lessen the burden over time. What is loneliness? The subjective feeling that you're lacking the social connections you need. According to leading researchers of loneliness (I will put the sources in the show notes), there are 3 dimensions of loneliness: Intimate(emotional): longing for a close confidante or intimate partner Relational (social): yearning for quality friendships and social companionship and support Collective: Hunger for a network or community of people who share your sense of purpose and interests Being alone, in and of itself is not a risk factor for loneliness. Distinguish between isolation vs. solitude. What if we responded to loneliness (like we do to hunger and thirst), instead of giving in to it? What does any of this have to do with sleep? Loneliness directly impacts our quality of sleep. Dr. Vivek Murthy citing the work of John Cacioppo said, “When we're profoundly lonely, we tend to sleep lightly and rouse often, just as our ancestors did to prevent being overtaken by wolves or enemies.” - They found that “lonely people come out of sleep many times throughout the night, and though they may think they've slept through the night, these microawakenings undermine the quality of their sleep, leaving them fatigued and irritable.” Coronosomnia/COVIDsomina… isolation→ loneliness→ awakenings So what do we do? Right now, it's necessary for survival to be physically separated from people outside of your household. Make plans to do a masked, socially distanced walk or chat, outside, with a friend or family member. Do something kind for someone. Acts of service create connection. Connection produces happy chemicals in your brain. If you're someone who struggles with sleep and you haven't been able to make the changes necessary to start living a well-rested life, I've created The Sleep Reclamation Project for you.

Ensomhet er et finurlig, dyptgripende eksistensielt og potensielt sett truende fenomen. Vi kan ikke leve uten andre mennesker. Vi trenger å bli sett, bekreftet, få hjelp, gi hjelp, ha betydning og dele opplevelser for å gi dem mening. Når vi mangler relasjoner, enten fordi vi omgås andre med en maske, eller fordi vi sliter med angst og isolerer oss, eller fordi det er en pandemi på gang som krever isolasjon eller av andre årsaker, er denne mangel på en genuin kontakt til andre mennesker alvorlig for vår psykiske helse. I dagens episode skal det handle om ensomhet. Hva er det? Hvorfor oppstår det, og hvorfor opplever mange å ha et stort sosialt nettverk, men likevel en sterk følelse av ensomhet. På Helsenorge står det flere artikler om ensomhet. Der står det at ensomhet dreier seg om en ubestemt lengsel eller et savn etter andre mennesker. Særlig høytider og begivenheter som forbindes med fellesskap og sosiale opplevelser kan bli vanskelige dersom du ikke har noen å dele dem med. Dette er høyst aktuelt akkurat nå. Vi har en pandemi som sannsynligvis eskalerer følelsen av ensomhet over hele landet. Eldre mennesker blant de mest utsatte gruppene, og noen står ovenfor en situasjon hvor de lever litt lengre fordi de unngår Covid-19, men prisen de betaler i psykisk helse og fravær av sine nærmeste på slutten av livet, er høy. Når jeg skriver dette er det heldigvis en vaksine på trappene, og vi håper at 2021 ikke blir et år hvor vi aktivt går inn for å isolere oss, men snarere har forstått viktigheten av relasjoner og prioriterer dette høyt når smittefaren er over. Bare det at vi ikke kan ta på hverandre, skaper en liten avstand, og det er små gester av denne typen som kaster flere gubber på ensomhetsbålet. I tillegg er det jul og høytid som også er høysesong for ensomhet. Jeg vet ikke hvor mange pasienter som sier følgende til meg i disse dager: Også den helvetes jula…De fleste studier understreker at det er følelsen av å kjenne seg ensom som er skadelig. Det å være alene er med andre ord ikke det samme som å være ensom, men disse to tingene henger likevel sammen. Har vi gode relasjoner i bunn, fungerer disse relasjonene som indre dialoger vi kan støtte oss til i fravær av andre mennesker. Det betyr at vi kan være alene, men likevel ikke føle oss ensomme. Likevel er det slik at disse internalisert relasjonene, som er en vesentlig del av våre psykiske strukturer, er hentet fra virkelige relasjoner i den virkelige verden, og jeg tror at de må vedlikeholdes og utvikles i møte med andre mennesker. På den måten kan man si at vi på sett og vis lever på våre relasjonelle reserver i en tid med pandemi og isolering, men disse reservene vare ikke evig. Det er også noen mennesker som i liten grad evner å hvile i sitt indre liv, ofte fordi de har så mange vonde erfaringer bak seg. Disse menneskene har oftere psykiske plager, mindre sosial kapital og er derfor enda mer sårbare for sosial distranserings-politikk og generelt sett oftere plaget med en gjennomgripende følelse av ensomhet. Ensomhet kan anstifte et savn etter andre, men det kan også anstifte en overveldende følelse av hjelpesløshet. Man har ingen som kan stille opp når livet blir vanskelig. I følge psykolog og forsker på ensomhet John Cacioppo går hjernen inn i en overlevelsesmodus når du føler deg ensom. Dette kan føre til at du blir selvfokusert og opptatt av hvordan du selv har det, og glemmer å fokusere på hvordan andre rundt deg har det.Dersom man havner på livets sidelinje av ulike årsaken, og sliter med ensomhet, er det altså slik at man ofte begynner å tenke destruktive tanker og skaper seg et bilde av andre mennesker som forsterker følelsen av egen tilkortkommenhet og ensomhet.Det kan være vanskelig for andre å se at man er ensom, og det er ikke alltid så lett å fortelle omgivelsene at man ikke har det så bra. Helsenorge kommer med noen råd om hvordan vi bør forholde oss til ensomhet, og jeg skal kort gjengi disse rådene før jeg går til en lengre refleksjon fra et foredrag om ensomhet.Snakk med noen du stoler påSnakk med noen du har tiltro til om hvordan du føler det. Ved å åpne deg og bli mer personlig overfor en du har tillit til, øker sjansen for at den du forteller det til også følger opp dette senere. Det er også mulig å oppsøke fastlegen eller en psykolog dersom du trenger profesjonelle å drøfte problemene dine med.Del positive erfarginer eller opplevelserÅ dele positive erfaringer eller opplevelser med andre har vist seg å ha en overraskende positiv virkning på følelsen av ensomhet. Oppsøk sosiale møteplasser, som organiserte fritidsaktiviteter og organisasjonsarbeid. Hvis du har en interesse eller hobby, forsøk å pleie denne i et felleskap med andre. Prøv å lage deg rutiner der du treffer de samme personene gang etter gang. Slik kan fremmede på sikt bli venner.Ikke la frykt hindre degLa ikke frykten for å bli avvist hindre deg. Forsøk å ta initiativ. By på deg selv og på de kontaktene du allerede har. Forsøk å fokusere på hvordan andre rundt deg har det, mer enn på egen følelse av ensomhet.Bruk internettSosiale medier kan være en vei ut av ensomheten, i alle fall for de som i utgangspunktet har hatt gode relasjoner, men som av en eller annen grunn har havnet i en situasjon der de kjenner seg ensomme.Ikke ha for høye kravIkke ha for høye krav eller forventninger til et nytt vennskap. Det tar tid å få nære relasjoner.Thomas Andre er en kjent ensom sjel fra norsk populærkultur i regi av Harald Eia. Han er er veldig aktivt på søken etter nye venner, og man kan få en fornemmelse av at han er nesten er litt overivrig, og at iveren ikke er til hans fordel hva angår nye vennskap.Fakta om ensomhet i NorgeLevekårsundersøkelsen fra 2015 viser at 16% av Norges befolkning oppgir at de enten er litt, ganske eller mye plaget av en følelse av ensomhet.Ensomhet er vanligere blant de som er uføre, arbeidsledige, pensjonister og studenter enn blant dem som er yrkesaktive.Kvinner opplever i større grad at de er ensomme enn menn.De som bor alene etter fylte 45 år er oftere ensomme enn de aleneboende som er under 45 år.Ensomhet er høyest blant de 25% med lavest inntekt i landet.Ensomheten treffer oftere de unge enn dem som er midt i livet.Som vanlig er ensomhet noe som treffer dem som ikke har det så bra fra før, og man kunne tenke seg at et virus i utgangspunktet er blind for sosioøkonomisk status, men Covid-19 sparker mest på dem som allerede ligger nede.Nå skal du få være med på et dypdykk i ensomhetens psykologi. Enten man føler på ensomhet eller ikke, så er ensomhet et slags underliggende eksistensielt vilkår som vil feste seg som en klo i magen på de fleste av oss ven en eller annen anledning. Jeg mener også at det er en tematikk som sier mye generelt og viktig om det å være et følende og relasjonelt vesen i verden.I denne episoden får du høre det jeg tenkte om ensomhet en formiddag i november 2020. Nå er det høysesong for denne problematikken, og jeg håper at vi som medmennesker kan gjøre en liten innsats for å bekjempe dette psykologiske viruset som ledsages av det andre viruset som kalles Covid-19. Vi kan gjøre en forskjell for andre mennesker, og en følelse av en forbindelse til andre eller til et fellesskap, er blant de mest antidepressive opplevelsene som finnes. Ensomhet er den mest tungtveiende faktorene som ligger bak selvmordsstatistikkene, og dermed kan vår interesse og håndsutstrekning potensielt sett være livreddende. Takk for at du hørte på. Vi du ha mer SinnSyn hver måned, kan du alltid melde deg inn på mitt mentale treningsstudio via patreon.com/sinnsyn. Som Patreon supporter bidrar du til å holde hjula i gang her på podcasten, og som takk for din støtte får du tilgang til masse ekstra episoder av SinnSyn, videomateriell, lydbøker og mye mer. Takk til alle dere som allerede er Patreon-supporter! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ensomhet er et finurlig, dyptgripende eksistensielt og potensielt sett truende fenomen. Vi kan ikke leve uten andre mennesker. Vi trenger å bli sett, bekreftet, få hjelp, gi hjelp, ha betydning og dele opplevelser for å gi dem mening. Når vi mangler relasjoner, enten fordi vi omgås andre med en maske, eller fordi vi sliter med angst og isolerer oss, eller fordi det er en pandemi på gang som krever isolasjon eller av andre årsaker, er denne mangel på en genuin kontakt til andre mennesker alvorlig for vår psykiske helse. I dagens episode skal det handle om ensomhet. Hva er det? Hvorfor oppstår det, og hvorfor opplever mange å ha et stort sosialt nettverk, men likevel en sterk følelse av ensomhet. På Helsenorge står det flere artikler om ensomhet. Der står det at ensomhet dreier seg om en ubestemt lengsel eller et savn etter andre mennesker. Særlig høytider og begivenheter som forbindes med fellesskap og sosiale opplevelser kan bli vanskelige dersom du ikke har noen å dele dem med. Dette er høyst aktuelt akkurat nå. Vi har en pandemi som sannsynligvis eskalerer følelsen av ensomhet over hele landet. Eldre mennesker blant de mest utsatte gruppene, og noen står ovenfor en situasjon hvor de lever litt lengre fordi de unngår Covid-19, men prisen de betaler i psykisk helse og fravær av sine nærmeste på slutten av livet, er høy. Når jeg skriver dette er det heldigvis en vaksine på trappene, og vi håper at 2021 ikke blir et år hvor vi aktivt går inn for å isolere oss, men snarere har forstått viktigheten av relasjoner og prioriterer dette høyt når smittefaren er over. Bare det at vi ikke kan ta på hverandre, skaper en liten avstand, og det er små gester av denne typen som kaster flere gubber på ensomhetsbålet. I tillegg er det jul og høytid som også er høysesong for ensomhet. Jeg vet ikke hvor mange pasienter som sier følgende til meg i disse dager: Også den helvetes jula…De fleste studier understreker at det er følelsen av å kjenne seg ensom som er skadelig. Det å være alene er med andre ord ikke det samme som å være ensom, men disse to tingene henger likevel sammen. Har vi gode relasjoner i bunn, fungerer disse relasjonene som indre dialoger vi kan støtte oss til i fravær av andre mennesker. Det betyr at vi kan være alene, men likevel ikke føle oss ensomme. Likevel er det slik at disse internalisert relasjonene, som er en vesentlig del av våre psykiske strukturer, er hentet fra virkelige relasjoner i den virkelige verden, og jeg tror at de må vedlikeholdes og utvikles i møte med andre mennesker. På den måten kan man si at vi på sett og vis lever på våre relasjonelle reserver i en tid med pandemi og isolering, men disse reservene vare ikke evig. Det er også noen mennesker som i liten grad evner å hvile i sitt indre liv, ofte fordi de har så mange vonde erfaringer bak seg. Disse menneskene har oftere psykiske plager, mindre sosial kapital og er derfor enda mer sårbare for sosial distranserings-politikk og generelt sett oftere plaget med en gjennomgripende følelse av ensomhet. Ensomhet kan anstifte et savn etter andre, men det kan også anstifte en overveldende følelse av hjelpesløshet. Man har ingen som kan stille opp når livet blir vanskelig. I følge psykolog og forsker på ensomhet John Cacioppo går hjernen inn i en overlevelsesmodus når du føler deg ensom. Dette kan føre til at du blir selvfokusert og opptatt av hvordan du selv har det, og glemmer å fokusere på hvordan andre rundt deg har det.Dersom man havner på livets sidelinje av ulike årsaken, og sliter med ensomhet, er det altså slik at man ofte begynner å tenke destruktive tanker og skaper seg et bilde av andre mennesker som forsterker følelsen av egen tilkortkommenhet og ensomhet.Det kan være vanskelig for andre å se at man er ensom, og det er ikke alltid så lett å fortelle omgivelsene at man ikke har det så bra. Helsenorge kommer med noen råd om hvordan vi bør forholde oss til ensomhet, og jeg skal kort gjengi disse rådene før jeg går til en lengre refleksjon fra et foredrag om ensomhet.Snakk med noen du stoler påSnakk med noen du har tiltro til om hvordan du føler det. Ved å åpne deg og bli mer personlig overfor en du har tillit til, øker sjansen for at den du forteller det til også følger opp dette senere. Det er også mulig å oppsøke fastlegen eller en psykolog dersom du trenger profesjonelle å drøfte problemene dine med.Del positive erfarginer eller opplevelserÅ dele positive erfaringer eller opplevelser med andre har vist seg å ha en overraskende positiv virkning på følelsen av ensomhet. Oppsøk sosiale møteplasser, som organiserte fritidsaktiviteter og organisasjonsarbeid. Hvis du har en interesse eller hobby, forsøk å pleie denne i et felleskap med andre. Prøv å lage deg rutiner der du treffer de samme personene gang etter gang. Slik kan fremmede på sikt bli venner.Ikke la frykt hindre degLa ikke frykten for å bli avvist hindre deg. Forsøk å ta initiativ. By på deg selv og på de kontaktene du allerede har. Forsøk å fokusere på hvordan andre rundt deg har det, mer enn på egen følelse av ensomhet.Bruk internettSosiale medier kan være en vei ut av ensomheten, i alle fall for de som i utgangspunktet har hatt gode relasjoner, men som av en eller annen grunn har havnet i en situasjon der de kjenner seg ensomme.Ikke ha for høye kravIkke ha for høye krav eller forventninger til et nytt vennskap. Det tar tid å få nære relasjoner.Thomas Andre er en kjent ensom sjel fra norsk populærkultur i regi av Harald Eia. Han er er veldig aktivt på søken etter nye venner, og man kan få en fornemmelse av at han er nesten er litt overivrig, og at iveren ikke er til hans fordel hva angår nye vennskap.Fakta om ensomhet i NorgeLevekårsundersøkelsen fra 2015 viser at 16% av Norges befolkning oppgir at de enten er litt, ganske eller mye plaget av en følelse av ensomhet.Ensomhet er vanligere blant de som er uføre, arbeidsledige, pensjonister og studenter enn blant dem som er yrkesaktive.Kvinner opplever i større grad at de er ensomme enn menn.De som bor alene etter fylte 45 år er oftere ensomme enn de aleneboende som er under 45 år.Ensomhet er høyest blant de 25% med lavest inntekt i landet.Ensomheten treffer oftere de unge enn dem som er midt i livet.Som vanlig er ensomhet noe som treffer dem som ikke har det så bra fra før, og man kunne tenke seg at et virus i utgangspunktet er blind for sosioøkonomisk status, men Covid-19 sparker mest på dem som allerede ligger nede.Nå skal du få være med på et dypdykk i ensomhetens psykologi. Enten man føler på ensomhet eller ikke, så er ensomhet et slags underliggende eksistensielt vilkår som vil feste seg som en klo i magen på de fleste av oss ven en eller annen anledning. Jeg mener også at det er en tematikk som sier mye generelt og viktig om det å være et følende og relasjonelt vesen i verden.I denne episoden får du høre det jeg tenkte om ensomhet en formiddag i november 2020. Nå er det høysesong for denne problematikken, og jeg håper at vi som medmennesker kan gjøre en liten innsats for å bekjempe dette psykologiske viruset som ledsages av det andre viruset som kalles Covid-19. Vi kan gjøre en forskjell for andre mennesker, og en følelse av en forbindelse til andre eller til et fellesskap, er blant de mest antidepressive opplevelsene som finnes. Ensomhet er den mest tungtveiende faktorene som ligger bak selvmordsstatistikkene, og dermed kan vår interesse og håndsutstrekning potensielt sett være livreddende. Takk for at du hørte på. Vi du ha mer SinnSyn hver måned, kan du alltid melde deg inn på mitt mentale treningsstudio via patreon.com/sinnsyn. Som Patreon supporter bidrar du til å holde hjula i gang her på podcasten, og som takk for din støtte får du tilgang til masse ekstra episoder av SinnSyn, videomateriell, lydbøker og mye mer. Takk til alle dere som allerede er Patreon-supporter! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Wat gebeurt er in onze hersenen als we een gevoel van eenzaamheid ervaren? Welke fysieke en psychische effecten heeft chronische eenzaamheid op mensen? En hoe kunnen we er iets aan doen, als eenzame zelf of als betrokkene?We praten met professor Marie-Anne Vanderhasselt over de sterke menselijke behoefte aan verbondenheid, over ‘hugs that heal’, over het effect van sociale isolatie op de werking van ons brein en over eenzaamheid als signaal om actie te ondernemen. Getuige Stani vertelt over haar jarenlange eenzaamheid en deelt de strategieën ze ontwikkelde om er mee om te gaan. En we interviewen nacht-nieuwslezer Jo over bewust kiezen voor een eenzaam beroep.Extra bronnen:de podcast ‘Drie dagen’ van Radio 1het schilderij ‘De Schreeuw’ van Edvard Munchhet boek ‘Houd afstand, raak me aan’ van Paul Verhaeghehet boek ‘Loneliness’ van John Cacioppo en zijn collega’sMeer over Studio Brein: breinwijzer.be/studio-brein/

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love and purpose - with wisdom, humour and transparency - through the lens of science, psychology, and life experiences. What: This season of navigating COVID is wreaking havoc with our sense of connection and our mental health. While we cannot control our outside world we can work to manage our inside world. Remember Dr. Merry sharing about the external vs Internal locus of control? COVID has exacerbated our sense of belonging and loneliness but it has also led us to be more empathic to those who struggle chronically with belonging. So What: Neuroscience researcher, John Cacioppo, has been studying loneliness for over 20 years. He defines loneliness as, “perceived social isolation” – we experience loneliness when we feel disconnected. Maybe we've been pushed outside of a group we value or we're lacking a sense of true belonging. At the heart of loneliness is the absence of meaningful social interactions. Loneliness and aloneness aren't the same things – we can be surrounded with people but still feel lonely – it's when we're in places or with people that don't feel alive with connection. Worse, loneliness also brings up shame – as if feeling lonely means there's something wrong with us. We feel shame even when our loneliness is caused by grief, loss, or heartbreak – how much of COVID has contributed to feelings of loneliness?? Now what: Therapeutic Tips from Merry How to combat loneliness: 1. Identify loneliness when we feel it. 2. Have the courage to see that experience as a warning sign. 3. Find connection – doesn't have to be major or many – numerous studies confirms that it's not the number of friends but the quality of just a few relationships that matter 4. Take a small step of being vulnerable with these few trusted friends – by showing up in our true selves, expressing our desire for connection in a vulnerable way Coaching Tips from Gillian: If you are personally feeling lonely, disconnected, or isolated take the brave step and reach out to a trusted friend to connect. It will be brave but it will release all that good dopamine and serotonin in your brain that helps us! Think of someone in your circle that could use hearing your voice - tell them they have been on your mind and let that dopamine and serotonin get released in their brains… let us care for each other!! Links: Dr. Merry's book: https://amzn.to/2rCrJyI Dr. Merry's videos: https://bit.ly/377eFR0 Dr. Merry's website: https://drmerry.com Dr. Lin & Associates: http://drlinandassociates.com Gillian's Website: https://gillianmcshane.com Jen Hatmaker's book: https://amzn.to/2Z6QcKf Brene Brown's book: https://amzn.to/35n9ZZE Loneliness research: http://www.johncacioppo.com/

SUMMARY J.W. (Terry) Freiberg, also known as “the Oliver Sacks of Law,” continues shedding light on connections in his latest “loneliness book,” Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone: A Lawyer's Case Stories of Love, Loneliness and Litigation. Social psychologist turned lawyer and master storyteller, Freiberg explores chronic loneliness through five stories of faulty connections. KEY POINTS Solitude is not the equivalent of loneliness. The word “loneliness” only came into the English language around 1800, probably because social structures did not leave much space for loneliness. John Cacioppo from the University of Chicago documented the lethality of loneliness. People are disinclined to admit their loneliness, often hiding it. Vivek Murthy, former Surgeon General and author of Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World brought to light the loneliness epidemic. Loneliness hurts. Children hone time-specific connection skills around non-sibling other children. COVID-19 is preventing proper social development. QUOTES “Chronic loneliness has become a public health crisis of the first order.” “Just as you cannot study hunger without researching and reporting about the food supply, you cannot study loneliness without thinking about the connections that people make—or fail to make—with one another.” “Loneliness is not an emotion but is, instead, a sensation. Loneliness…is the sensation of inadequate connections to others, just as hunger is the sensation of inadequate nourishment and thirst is the sensation of inadequate hydration.” “You can talk yourself out of being angry (an emotion) but you cannot talk yourself out of being hungry or thirsty—or lonely (three of the sensations).” BUY Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone: A Lawyer’s Case Stories of Love, Loneliness, and Litigation RECOMMENDATION Go to Dr. Freiberg’s website, “The Loneliness Books,” and check out the button “Articles” to find the “UCLA Loneliness Scale” to help measure loneliness and the “The Relational Assessment Worksheet.” Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube Website   Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit

Es un episodio para reflexionar y salir de la cárcel de la soledad excesiva. Aunque nuestra necesidad de conectarnos es innata, muchos de nosotros frecuentemente nos sentimos solos. Somos especies sociales, seres sociales. Por lo mismo, en Génesis Dios dijo el primer NO de la historia: NO es bueno que el hombre esté solo. Y Adán ya tenía a los animales y a los árboles, otros seres vivos, pero ellos no eran su “ayuda idónea” o la solución para la soledad. En el episodio de hoy compartiremos los resultados del estudio realizado por el neuro científico, John Cacioppo, autor de la investigación acerca de la soledad y coautor del libro “soledad/ aislamiento”(loneliness).Él asegura que “nuestra supervivencia en la tierra depende de nuestras habilidades colectivas, no de nuestra mente individual. Abordaremos también las recomendaciones del estudio para conectar y tener relaciones de valor en nuestra vida. Este tema es entonces de vital importancia, aún más en medio de esta pandemia, cuando la conectividad tecnológica va en auge, lo cual no significa que nos sintamos más conectados, o que realmente lo seamos. Además, hablaremos acerca del por qué debemos generar conexiones valiosas en nuestra vida y consecuentemente también hablaremos de los efectos mortales de cuando este no ocurre en nuestras vidas. Créditos: Hitman Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3880-hitman Bossa Antigua Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3454-bossa-antigua Sovereign Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4397-sovereign By Kevin MacLeod License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

As a new product and innovation professional, Adam Hansen has always believed in the power of possibility – accepting new approaches, questioning conventional wisdom, and being open to anything. This impulse led him to a career in developing new products for innovative companies such as Mars, Melaleuca and American Harvest, before joining the innovation firm, Ideas To Go, in 2001. Now as a facilitator, Adam is passionate about helping clients understand their own possibilities—even beyond the scope of their projects—so they take the innovative energy and momentum they gained at ITG back to their own organizations. Adam is the co-author of Outsmart Your Instincts – How The Behavioral Innovation™ Approach Drives Your Company Forward, which explores the intersection of behavioral science and innovation, revealing simple ways to get past the nonconscious cognitive biases that make innovation unnecessarily difficult. Adam’s path to innovation process started with an MBA in product management from Indiana University. He also cultivated his passion for New Product Development on the board of the Product Development & Management Association and serving as a volunteer innovation advisor for the National HIV Clinicians’ Network at UCSF.   Links Adam Hansen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adhansen/ “Outsmart Your Instincts”: https://www.amazon.com/Outsmart-Your-Instincts-Behavioral-Innovation/dp/0997384506 M&M Mars: https://marschocolate.com/ Ideas to Go: https://www.ideastogo.com/ Metacognition: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metacognition Biases & Heuristics: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XHpBr0VFcaT8wIUpr-9zMIb79dFMgOVFRxIZRybiftI/edit?usp=sharing Teresa Amabile, PhD “Brilliant but Cruel”: https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/profile.aspx?facId=6409 “Yes, and…”: https://bigthink.com/experts-corner/why-yes-and-might-be-the-most-valuable-phrase-in-business Viktor Frankl: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl Kurt Lewin: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Lewin Johan Huizinga: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johan_Huizinga Homo Ludens/The Playful Ape: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_Ludens System 1 / System 2 Thinking: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow Assumption Busting: https://www.ideastogo.com/articles-on-innovation/assumption-busting-with-ikea Functional Fixedness: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Functional_fixedness Conformity: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conformity Progress Principle: https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/item.aspx?num=40692 Blood Harmony: https://www.deseret.com/1999/6/10/19449890/sibling-harmony-br-family-members-often-have-tight-vocal-harmony Hammond Organ: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hammond_organ Leslie Speaker: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leslie_speaker Rap: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapping Rock n Roll: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock_and_roll Major Third Chord: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_(chord) Major Ninth: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ninth Two-Seventh Resolving to Five: https://www.hearandplay.com/main/resolve-dominant-seventh-chords Linnea Gandhi episode: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/linnea-gandhi-crushing-on-statistics/ John Sweeney episode: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/john-sweeney-everything-is-a-story/ NY Times – Overcoming Your Negativity Bias:  https://dealbook.nytimes.com/2013/06/14/overcoming-your-negativity-bias/ John Cacioppo: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200306/our-brains-negative-bias Homo Ludens, by Johan Huizinga: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_Ludens    Musical Links Iron Butterfly “In A Gadda Da Vida”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIVe-rZBcm4 Deep Purple “Smoke on the Water”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUwEIt9ez7M Doobie Brothers “China Grove”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udSHItTjWyQ Steely Dan “Don’t Take Me Alive”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gV1sxB8TxI Monkees “Pleasant Valley Sunday”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUzs5dlLrm0 The Thorns “Among the Living”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh-aL6FCvMY Crosby, Stills & Nash: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMJug2iz3NA The Beatles “Rubber Soul”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_Soul The Beatles “Revolver”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revolver_(Beatles_album) Crowded House “Don’t Dream It’s Over”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20 The Beach Boys “God Only Knows”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8qZMFFDYa0 Louis Prima “Yes, We Have No Bananas”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hF05ik5TFQ

In this episode we sit down with psychology legend Richard Petty to discuss the Elaboration Likelihood Model, a theory he developed with psychologist John Cacioppo in the 1980s that unified the study of attitude change and persuasion and has since become one of the most robust models for explaining how and why some messages change people’s minds, some don’t, and what makes some stick and others fade in influence over time. - Show notes at: www.youarenotsosmart.com - Become a patron at: www.patreon.com/youarenotsosmart SPONSORS • The Great Courses: Free month at www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/smart • Squarespace: Use the offer code SOSMART at www.squarespace.com for 10 percent off your first purchase. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Cal Newport is a computer science professor at Georgetown University and the author of 6 books, including New York Times bestseller Digital Minimalism. His writing focuses on the impact of new technology and social media on our ability to be productive and lead satisfying lives. Not surprisingly, his research suggests we’re becoming less connected and getting less done as technology permeates every moment of our day. For this podcast, I got to sit down face to face with Cal to discuss his ideas on digital minimalism. He describes how big business has manipulated us into constantly checking our phones, and is now profiting off of our attention. We discuss the consequences of pervasive technology, and the damaging effect it can have on our drive to create and connect with others in meaningful ways.  Fortunately, Cal also has a solution for turning your attention back to the things that really matter. Here’s the outline of this interview with Cal Newport: [00:00:35] Cal's background. [00:02:18] Book: So Good They Can't Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love, by Cal Newport. [00:02:54] Book: Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World, by Cal Newport. [00:03:43] Book: Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World, by Cal Newport. [00:04:17] Joshua Fields Millburn; The Minimalists Podcast, featuring Christopher Kelly and Dr. Tommy Wood: Health Problems. [00:04:42] Brad Stulberg; Podcast featuring Brad; Book: The Passion Paradox: A Guide to Going All In, Finding Success, and Discovering the Benefits of an Unbalanced Life, by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness. [00:05:39] Book: Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. [00:06:37] The myth of preexisting passion. [00:07:50] We didn't sign up for this. [00:08:32] Why we’re always looking at our phones. [00:12:26] Social media as an arms race for your attention. [00:13:56] Evolutionary psychology; attention engineers. [00:14:29] BJ Fogg's Persuasive Technology Lab at Stanford. [00:14:56] Tristan Harris; Adam Alter. [00:15:52] Effects of intermittent reinforcement on behavior and dopamine. [00:16:47] Video: Dopamine Jackpot! Sapolsky on the Science of Pleasure. [00:17:19] Minimalism; Marcus Aurelius; Henry David Thoreau (author of Walden); Voluntary Simplicity; Marie Kondo. [00:19:01] Digital hoarding. [00:24:17] Digital decluttering: Stepping away from optional personal technology for 30 days. [00:26:29] Book: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon. [00:28:27] Boredom as a drive that gets us to do things that have meaning and value. [00:32:24] Book: Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, by John Cacioppo. [00:33:11] Book: Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude, by Raymond M. Kethledge and Michael S. Erwin. [00:38:58] Connection vs communication. [00:44:56] Josh Turknett’s Intelligence Unshackled Podcast; Podcast with Josh: The Migraine Miracle. [00:46:30] The effects of technology on biology. [00:48:55] Digital Declutter Experiment for 30 days: step away, you get back in touch with what matters, use that as the foundation for very carefully rebuilding your digital life. [00:53:44] Conversation office hours. [00:57:46] Craftsman's approach to deciding whether or not to use a tool. [01:02:18] Article: Neuroscientists can predict decisions 11 seconds before we make them, based on this study: Koenig-Robert, Roger, and Joel Pearson. "Decoding the contents and strength of imagery before volitional engagement." Scientific reports9.1 (2019): 3504. [01:02:45] Will this have any impact? What's next? [01:05:31] Apple Screen Time reports. [01:08:30] Upcoming book: A World Without Email (tentative title). [01:15:15] Cal's website.

Loneliness is a growing issue around the world, and a recent national survey reveals that 1 in 4 Australians are lonely. Research also shows that loneliness can have a profound impact not just on our mental health but on our physical health as well. In fact, it could be as bad for our bodies as smoking. What’s causing this social pain and how can we reconnect with each other?

How To Be Alone. ( & Adored on Valentines)!

Isaiah 43:1-7Isaiah 43:1-7 But now, says the Lord—the one who created you, Jacob,    the one who formed you, Israel:Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you;    I have called you by name; you are mine.When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;    when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you.When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched    and flame won’t burn you.I am the Lord your God,    the holy one of Israel, your savior.I have given Egypt as your ransom,    Cush and Seba in your place.Because you are precious in my eyes,    you are honored, and I love you.    I give people in your place,        and nations in exchange for your life.Don’t fear,    I am with you.From the east I’ll bring your children;    from the west I’ll gather you.I’ll say to the north, “Give them back!”    and to the south, “Don’t detain them.”Bring my sons from far away,    and my daughters from the end of the earth,    everyone who is called by my name    and whom I created for my glory,    whom I have formed and made   THE MODERN LESSON Carl Sandburg’s The Windy City, Section 1 Jim Golec   The lean hands of wagon men put out pointing fingers here, picked this crossway, put it on a map, set up their sawbucks, fixed their shotguns, found a hitching place for the pony express, made a hitching place for the iron horse, the one-eyed horse with the fire-spit head, found a homelike spot and said, “Make a home,” saw this corner with a mesh of rails, shuttling        people, shunting cars, shaping the junk of        the earth to a new city…     Out of the payday songs of steam shovels, Out of the wages of structural iron rivets, The living lighted skyscrapers tell it now as a name, Tell it across miles of sea blue water, gray blue land: I am Chicago, I am a name given out by the breaths of working men,        laughing men, a child, a belonging.   So between the Great Lakes, The Grand De Tour, and the Grand Prairie, The living lighted skyscrapers stand, Spotting the blue dusk with checkers of yellow,        streamers of smoke and silver,        parallelograms of night-gray watchmen, Singing a soft moaning song: I am a child, a belonging.   As you many already know, Camie LaPorte and her three boys are in Grand Rapids, Michigan, at the moment, as she continues to battle cancer with her extended family. The good news is that she seems to be withstanding the difficult chemo treatments, and there are some good initial signs that she is going to be OK. The boys, Ben, Will and Sam, seem to be making new friends in Grand Rapids, and like being close to nearby family, but, unsurprisingly, they can’t wait to get back to Chicago, hopefully sooner rather than later – and we certainly want them back. In Camie’s latest posting on Caring Bridge, a website where we can follow her journey into healing, she wrote the following: So the boys and I got home last night after spending 4 days in our beloved hometown of Chicago, seeing friends and family we’ve missed so much! We had the best time. Sam said to me as we turned off our usual exit to go home on our way to another friends house, “Mom, too bad we aren’t just going home right now,” and I ached for that right along with him. Our move was sudden. I’ve lived in Chicago my entire adult life. It is our home, and we miss it terribly. I think she and the boys are a lot like many of us, who have found our home here in Chicago – it feels as if we belong here, that this is our city. I often tell people that I’ve lived in a lot places, small places Coloma, Michigan, and bigger places like Birmingham, Atlanta, Seattle, Spokane, Oklahoma City, Dallas and Houston, but none have felt as right as Chicago. I love so many things about the places I’ve lived, but none felt like Chicago does for me – this place, and even this region, just feels right for both Douglas and I. It’s like we belong to this place, this profoundly imperfect place, and for many of you, I suspect that is true for you, whether you’ve lived here all your life and just showed up a few years ago. I know that’s not true for everyone, I get that, but its truer here than I’ve seen it in another places. Carl Sandburg hints at this truth in his famous poem about Chicago – that the city seems to own its people, that those who are here seem to belong to the place, to its rhythms, its skyscrapers, its Great Lakes, its endless prairies.   That sense of belonging to something, to a place or a people, to a community, a neighborhood, it matters more than we know, I think, especially if we’ve lived transient lives, or been in one place that didn’t ever quite feel like home. Like so many, my adult life has been a transient one, having lived no longer than five years in one place since my family came back to the States from Indonesia in 1982. Until Chicago, that is. And because I can’t ever go back home again – the oil camp in which I lived during my childhood was itself so transient itself – I’ve never quite felt like there was a place I could quite fully claim as home – I suspect the children of military members feel the same way. My hometown is Meridian, MS, but it’s not really home – its just the place where most of my family was, where we visited during the summers of my childhood. There is a sense of homelessness that many people have, until they discover home later in life, people like me, people like Douglas.   And so I feel as if I belong to Chicago, and perhaps even the upper Midwest, where Douglas and I plan to retire in the next 15-20 years. Say what you will about the cold in January, but the August heat and humidity in Atlanta is just as bad! It’s been wonderful to feel as if you’ve found a hometown, a place that feels just right, a place where you belong, that, despite not being native, you feel as if you were always meant to be here. Connection, belonging, a sense of place, it’s important, and that truth is no different for our less than city wide connections, a belonging to a community, a people. “Whose your people?” is something Southerners often ask of the strangers in their midst, “whose your kin, whose your family.” We all have “our people,” friends, families of blood and families of choice, co-workers, neighbors, and even those who have experienced similar joys and sorrows that we have – communities, belongings of the moment, or connections forged through similar happiness and pain. In the creation story, in the more patriarchal version of the two creation stories, Eve is created from Adam’s rib, simply because Adam seemed so lonely, so alone. We are made for each other, made for connection, made to belong to one another, bone from bone, story to story, life to life.   This need to belong to something, to someone, to a community is not just a quirk of our creation, an interesting note to the grander story. No, its at the heart of the human story, so embedded is this need to belong to something, to a people, to a community, to fellow travelers, that without it we can fade so quickly and deeply into depression. In his wonderful book Lost Connections: Uncovering The Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions, Johann Hari gathers up scientific date that shows that most depression is rooted in our disconnections from things like meaningful work, meaningful values, from status and respect, from the natural world, and even disconnection from the reality of the childhood trauma that many of us have experienced. But Hari puts forth the idea that disconnection from others is one of the foremost reasons for why we may become depressed. He cites the work of John Cacioppo, a neuroscience research at our own University of Chicago that tracked the mental and physical health of 229 older Americans in our own suburbs. What he found was that loneliness preceded the symptoms of depression – “you become lonely and that was followed by feelings of despair and profound sadness and depression.” (Hari 77) The effect was profound – even what seems a small shift in the measurements around loneliness led to something like 8 times the chance you would begin slipping into depression. To belong to a network of friends, a church, a community, bring us a sense of well-being, even if we are not aware of it, and that shows us how we have been created to belong, created to have connections with each other. Adam was unhappy when he was alone, and so Eve came along – and I just want to point out something obvious: God created a companion for Adam not so that they could have babies (that was simply a happy byproduct), but because God saw that Adam was alone and that made him deeply unhappy. We are creations who need connection to one another, in communities, in places, in order to be healthy and to be whole.     In our text from Isaiah in this beautiful and remarkable slice of Scripture, we get a sense of innate, built-in, need to belong, and how, despite the efforts of those who wish disconnection, God asks us to hold fast to connection, to remember our connection to God, and to each other. You see, the supposed best and brightest of Israel—the smart ones, the rich ones, the charismatic ones, and, yes, even the best bureaucrats, had been carted off from Israel to the capital city of Babylon in the late 7th century as part of a strategy by the Babylonians of disconnecting these people from their land and the people left behind. I suspect this strategy goes back to the old adage that it’s best to keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer, because that way you can keep an eye on what’s going on and whether or not there are rumblings of rebellions in the ranks. Decades and decades of living away from their homelands, multiple generations living and dying away from home, had brought the Jewish people to the edge of despair, and the pervasive hopelessness was as thick as the air can be here in Chicago during August.   But here comes Isaiah, or one speaking in Isaiah’s name, and he starts in the previous chapters by reminding them of what had gotten them to them to Babylon in the first place—their disobedience, their unwillingness to do justice with the least of their brethren, their decision not listen and hear what earlier prophets had said, had been the cause that brought them into captivity, according to this prophet. Still, there is hope, and that is where chapter 43 starts, where God speaks, and begins at the beginnings, begins by pointing out the biggest reason why God still gives a damn about them: “He who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel,” so says God in this text, and those are words of possession and creation—“you are mine,” the prophet has God saying here. And so the first connection amidst all the connections we have is connection to God -You are mine, God says to us, and our belonging simply comes from being created by God, by simply being born in this world.   And what does this belonging to God actually mean, this connection that comes to us simply because we have been created, because we have been made by God? Well, according to our texts, it brings us presence; it brings us a God who is with us, through the waters, through the hellish moments of our lives. In Jewish thought, the waters always represent chaos and fear, and by culture, it was rare for Jews to really head out on the high seas, beyond the lakes, because there was a profound and mysterious fear of all the unknown that sea seemed to represent. Here, in this Scripture, God says this: “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine.When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when through the rivers, they won’t sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you won’t be scorched and flame won’t burn you. Belonging to God means that we are her people, and he will be beside us, during the good times but also during the bad times. But that is also true when we are connected to each other as well – when the going gets tough, our communities of choice, places like this, this church, they are there for us, they embody God’s presence and love for us in tangible ways. Of course, it doesn’t just happen in religious communities, it can happen anywhere, in moments where we just need to be reminded that we belong, that we are a part of something, a tribe, a band of fellow travelers.   The rest of the text, well, the rest reminds us what God is willing to do for us, to barter and trade, to push and pull for us, to make the nations give us up, release us, like Babylon one day would give up its Jewish captives, after so many years of enslavement. And if we’ve spent a lifetime wondering to whom do we really belong, about where we belong in this world, the answer to that wonderment is actually here in this text, rooted in our reality as created beings. I know we Christians spend too much time arguing about whose in and whose out—I think it’s one of the earliest Christian sins, these endless arguments about what the Gospel is and who it includes, and it is an argument that has turned off too many of my friends because it so often seemed to exclude them, either by saying you are included if you do this, or love this way, or they simply were turned off by some versions of Christianity because they didn’t want to live in our world that seemed to be divided by insiders and outsiders, the saved and unsaved, the faithful and non-faithful. If religion was all about that, they were pretty sure that it wasn’t about them. And I can’t blame them. I mean, who could, really, if you wanted to actually live within the world that God created, rather than trying live above it, which Jesus never did, and which he decried the Pharisee’s attempt to do so.   No, this God includes my skeptical friends whether or not they even know it, like it includes all of us, and this God is for them simply because they have been birthed into this world by the Living God, and this God pull us up and pushes us through, in this messy world and life we live, the real world, even during time when its difficult, even when we would rather succumb to the waters, to the chaos, to the fear, to the loneliness. Some years ago, on a hot summer day in South Florida, a little boy decided to go to the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. The boy’s father, working in the yard, saw the two get closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could. Hearing his dad’s voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack. And on his arms were deep scratches where his father’s fingernails dug into his flesh in an effort to hang on to the son he loved. A newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, “But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my dad wouldn’t let go.” (Homiletics Online website)   The God who holds onto us because we are one of his children, that we belong to her, that holding fast to us is just part of belonging to God. And places like this, intentional communities formed around faith in God and the belief that we might need each other as fellow travelers in life and faith, these kinds of belonging places are really important, places where we can show each other’s the scars from the God who would not let us go. Other places can include and help us to remember our birthright, the belonging that is simply part of our birthright as created beings, but the church, the church, at its best, is unlike those other communities. The difference is found in its intentionality, in the fact we don’t just forgive and struggle and laugh and know joy together as a side bonus that comes out a project or a work we are doing – raising money for the PTA, or something like that. The laughing the struggling, the joy, the forgiveness, is why we gather, because those lessons are best learned when we’re conscious and aware that this place of belonging is the one where those lessons should be learned with intentionality. God has given a special purpose to places like the church, we who are called to embrace the lovely and the ugly, the strong and the broken, the easy ones to love and the hard ones to love. But we must, we must be very, very intentional about extending that sense of belonging to everyone and, honestly, we sometimes don’t and we’ve simply got to get better at it. Part of the purpose of creating these Mission and Ministries teams was to help us re-learn that lesson, that we are a place of belonging, of welcome, another place one could call home in this beautiful city and this world, but doing that work consciously and with intention. We belong to God and we belong to each other, and so much of our spiritual work is reminding ourselves and each other of that real truth. We are better when we know we belong and we know that belongin in our bones. You are mine, says God to the world, you are part of me, of my love, of my purpose, of my heart – may we never forgot that truth and may we never forget to practice that truth with others. Amen.  

In this episode we sit down with psychology legend Richard Petty to discuss the Elaboration Likelihood Model, a theory he developed with psychologist John Cacioppo in the 1980s that unified the study of attitude change and persuasion and has since become one of the most robust models for explaining how and why some messages change people’s minds, some don’t, and what makes some stick and others fade in influence over time. - Show notes at: www.youarenotsosmart.com - Become a patron at: www.patreon.com/youarenotsosmart SPONSORS • The Great Courses: Free month at www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/smart • Squarespace: Use the offer code SOSMART at www.squarespace.com for 10 percent off your first purchase. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Cacioppo has died. I went through some of the material that got cut from our original conversation, and found this gem, which I wanted to share with everyone. Among other things, it includes this: "You want to be able to contribute a brick to the temple of science...but recognize that, whether you know it or not, by your death, or shortly after your death, that will be an anonymous brick...and, if you accept that you’re going to do it anonymously…the value isn’t the reward of fame, it’s that you never had to go to work in your whole life." Rest in peace, friend.

Feeling the need for connection is no more indicative of your value as a person then feeling a need for food, but for some reason we have a tendency to judge ourselves much more harshly for feeling lonely than we do for feeling hungry.  In this episode Jake and Whitney break down three steps to STOP the cycle of "shoulding" all over your desire to have more humans to talk to. This podcast contains references to: Baya Voce, John Cacioppo, and Margaret Manning Click HERE to get connected at Fit-Bar ...and click HERE to like Fit-Bar on Facebook

Unfortunately, a very relevant topic for the Christmas period, Dr. Carla Perissinotto joins us to discuss the concept of loneliness among the older generation. We discuss how loneliness is distinct from things like depression and social isolation, how it's possible to be surrounded by family and friends and still feel lonely, how feeling lonely can have a negative impact on our long term physical health, and why we as a society are guilty of neglecting our older generation. *** BOOKS MENTIONED *** "Loneliness" by John Cacioppo: http://amzn.to/2D3mZlF "4 3 2 1" by Paul Auster: http://amzn.to/2D67Yzp "The New York Trilogy" by Paul Auster: http://amzn.to/2DDzYf3 *** SHOW NOTES *** http://myownworstenemy.org/podcast *** SOCIAL MEDIA *** Facebook: http://facebook.com/myownworstenemyorg Twitter: http://twitter.com/dannydwhittaker *** CREDITS *** Theme Music: Falling Down by Ryan Little http://youtube.com/user/TheR4C2010 Thumbnail Image: jucanils https://flic.kr/p/AyjYY DISCLAIMER: My Own Worst Enemy is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.co.uk and affiliated sites.

Hey Everyone! This is not a full episode of my podcast Circle of Willis! What this is…this is BONUS MATERIAL from Episode 6, where I talked with JOHN CACIOPPO. This is material that might be a little tougher for some people—people who are not social psychologists or psychophysiologists… But if you are one of those people, or if you're comfortable doing a little google searching, there is some great stuff here. It’s me and John Cacioppo talking about the work John did with Richard Petty on the Elaboration Likelihood Model, John’s methodological work on the field of Electromyography (see the awesome image at the right for the picture John and I laugh about), John’s willingness to forgo tenure in order to do the science correctly…good stuff! And of course at some point John and I just started to geek out about the early days of a discipline called psychophysiology. We talk a bit about how psychophysiologists can easily get really focused on their physiological specialty. It was great fun for me and I hope it's enjoyable for you, too!  

Welcome to Episode 6, where Professor JOHN CACIOPPO and I talk about inferring causal associations between mind and body, and how to be human is to care for others.   John is the Tiffany and Margaret Blake Distinguished Service Professor, and the founder and director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience, at the University of Chicago   John’s contributions to the fields of Social Psychology, Psychophysiology, Social Neuroscience (an entire field he helped create more or less from scratch), research methodology, philosophy of science…on and on…would be hard or impossible to overstate. He is a quasi-religious figure to me in that I’ve been reading his methodological critiques and recommendations about mind-body research, as well as his work on the Elaboration Likelihood Model, Electromyography, and Loneliness, for my entire career. I’ve described his groundbreaking book, PRINCIPLES OF PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY (later, the HANDBOOK OF PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY) as the holy text of my scholarly origin story, and I mean it. It was published in 1990, right about the time I went back to college as a nervous 21-year-old, and soon after going to work in John Gottman’s lab. There, the book was literally required reading. As I moved through graduate school and well into my career, John has been a guide to the work I do, conceptually, methodologically, and philosophically, and the same can be said of a relatively unknown ocean of researchers all across the globe.    John’s recent popular book, LONELINESS, covers decades of work he and others have done documenting the cost of social isolation, whether “objective” isolation (as he calls it) or perceived. It turns out that perceived isolation may be the most harmful of the two kinds, and in any case, isolation kills. We are not a species that relies on our own resources to survive just long enough to reproduce. We are a species that cares for others, and that expects to be cared for.    At any rate, I hope you enjoy this chance to spend a little time with one of psychology’s most prolific and restless minds. I know I did.    *    *    * As always, remember that this podcast is brought to you by VQR and the Center for Media and Citizenship. Plus, we're a member of the TEEJ.FM podcast network.   AND... The music of CIRCLE OF WILLIS was composed and performed by Tom Stauffer, Gene Ruley and their band THE NEW DRAKES. You can purchase this music at their Amazon page. 

SNEAK PREVIEW: JOHN CACIOPPO Hi Everyone! The JOHN CACIOPPO episode is coming soon, but it isn't quite ready for release yet. In the meantime, here's a short clip from our conversation. More soon! Jim

Hey Everyone! It's Trailer 2 of CIRCLE OF WILLIS, featuring lightening fast excerpts from my conversations with Lisa Diamond, John Cacioppo, Nilanjana Dasgupta, David Sloan Wilson, Jay Van Bavel, Lisa Feldman Barrett, Brian Nosek, Susan Johnson, and Eli Finkel. And there's SO MUCH MORE!  Episodes 1 and 2 are almost ready! Watch this space! Jim

Loneliness is a drag. But it’s also bad for your health. We find out why feeling lonely is as dangerous as obesity.

Parents won’t shut up about their kids being precious. And with American birth rates declining, they’re actually right. Geckos can help us perform surgery, and kingfishers can help us design trains. We dive into the world of biologically-inspired design. Being lonely isn’t just bad for your emotional health, it’s bad for your physical health. We talk about why Americans are lonelier than ever and what can be done about it.

FOMO is a recent word that's used a lot these days. It's even been added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2013. But what is FOMO? FOMO is the acronym of fear of missing out.   ‘‘the uneasy and sometimes all-consuming feeling that you're missing out – that your peers are doing, in the know about, or in possession of more or something better than you''. Apparently 3/4 of young adults say they've been experiencing FOMO.    An example of this would be the feeling of always checking social media, every period of time in case you don't miss out on something. No one want's to be ‘out of the loop' or feel left out.   I can see why people would get into it. It removes anxiety to a certain extent but also add to it. It then becomes a stationary bike where it feels like your progressing and feeling good about yourself.   It's just part of life? Is this something that people shouldn't care about? Is there a remedy for this?   It's possible to fix this problem but first I want to say FOMO is a serious problem here's why:   FOMO dwells in unhappiness   When you're in the FOMO cycle, you're probably not in a good moment in your life. That's because FOMO comes from the feeling of being unhappy.   That's because we have low enough feeling of satisfaction in our lives, The rewards of not feeling left out reach higher in moods and overall appreciation of life.   So you're probably dealing with things that you rather not, I get it, it happens to all of us. The thing is though, no one is really showing it on social media like Facebook. It can really make you feel like everyone is having fun without you.    The average amount of people check social media the first thing they wake up or even get all their news sources from.   Most do it during meal, bathroom breaks, and before they go to bed. Needless to say, there might be an addiction if you can't go a day without it.   People with FOMO are essentially using social media to make themselves feel better. But it actually makes them feel worse.   Social Media is never what you think it is   Now we'll know that social media doesn't depict everything about one person's lives but rather how they choose to show it. It's like a highlight reel of their day or week.   Sure this can come off like bragging and personally that feeling is why I'm not too much into posting on my own accounts.   Even while knowing this is just hard to not compare yourself to this.    In the book:The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less/ by professor Barry Schwartz says:   “Stop paying so much attention to how others around you are doing”. It's easier said than done, really because a lot of us do care about our status and what we do. When seeing others doing or accomplishing things you haven't then it'll make you feel bad.   It's like looking at your bank statements and looking at the ones from Forbes 400 list.   Jealousy is really all the fun you think they had. You're living your life 24/7 but only seeing a 5 mixture video or a photo in one moment. We fill the gaps of what we don't know with the things that could happen - but most likely never actually did. You just can't compete with their highly-edited version of lifestyle awesomeness especially when you're feeling a little down or anxious to begin with.   So how does one deal with this? is it to start posting how great your life is too? It really shouldn't because you're only feeding into the same problem.    Now you're probably wondering what is the real solution then?   The solution is where you get your happiness from   Looking at social media for happiness is trying to go to McDonalds to lose weight. It's not going to happen in the way that you think it will.   Social media isn't real life. Yet we are trying to believe that the real life is the same as the fake life. So happiness must from the real life which is inside you.   This all comes down to one word that people who are having FOMO need: *Attention*    Looking on the bright side is a cliche because it's hard to do but it does remind the message of looking at the good makes the bad less apparent.   Happiness is essentially comes from where we draw the attention towards. Attention is what makes everything connect and work into a lifestyle system. Because of limited resources of say, time, we have to value where we spend it to get that happiness. If you're not happy about where you are - it's probably because you're spending too much time on the things that shouldn't have your attention.   So when you go into the rabbit hole of FOMO - you're dealing with the fake world in trying to find happiness and then surprise, surprise, it's not there.   The best way to stop getting caught up in it all is to practice gratitude.   What are you happy that you have? Home? Friends? Family? Pets?   Now think about if those things weren't there. You probably wouldn't feel good. So you're lucky to not deal with that.   It sounds silly to do but research says it works.   University of Chicago professor John Cacioppo, the leading researcher on loneliness, says that gratitude helps make it all feel better about where we are with our lives.    So instead of dealing with FOMO - deal with FOBO - fear of better opportunities.   So when you're looking at other people's lives remember the only thing you're missing out on is your own.

John T. Cacioppo é um distinto Professor em serviço da Tiffany e Margaret Blake da Universidade de Chicago. Ele é o diretor do Programa de Psicologia Social da Universidade de Chicago, bem como o diretor do Centro de Neurociência Cognitiva e social.

Intersections Match Talk Radio - Jasbina Ahluwalia's Lifestyle Radio Show Presents: TUE. JULY 8, 6:00 pm EST Listen Live: (646) 595 2850 ...An interactive discussion with Prof. John Cacioppo  Insights From A Social Psychologist on Growth of Online Dating  ARCHIVES of Jasbina's previous radio shows available at: http://intersectionsmatch.com/talk-radio/ To learn more about Intersections Match, The Only Premier Full-Service -> Selective Search, Dating / Relationship Coaching & Online Dating Support Firm --> For Indian Singles: http://intersectionsmatch.com/

We all know a lot about psychology, but it turns out that what we know is mostly wrong. Dr. John Cacioppo joins us this week to discuss how to teach difficult psychological concepts in an engaging way to first year psychology students.

Doctors Brian and Giuseppe continue their talk with Dr. John Cacioppo, author of "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection", about what to do when you, or someone you care about, feel isolated, including: lonely behaviours that make the problem worse what lonely people can do to find a connection what lonely people should look for to find a fulfilling relationship what you can do if your spouse, your child, or your friend is lonely  For family and psychology news, visit familyanatomy.com.

Doctors Brian and Giuseppe talk with Dr. John Cacioppo, author of "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection", about what happens when people feel isolated, including: the importance of loneliness as a signal to our social selves the physical effects that make chronic loneliness as dangerous as smoking, the effects of "time out", how we can still feel lonely even with hundreds of Facebook friends For family and psychology news, visit familyanatomy.com.

Despite tallies of Facebook friends or Evites in inboxes, loneliness happens. It can strike us while we’re dining at a table of one, taking a long solo journey, or even while we’re with family and friends. The lonely feel more depressed, more deeply addicted, and are more easily angered. Why does loneliness hit and why does it hurt? Humans have evolved, thanks to the long period of abject dependency of our offspring, as social beings, with brains wired for communication and empathy. Forming and maintaining social connections—from romantic partners to families, communities, cities, and civilizations—is essential to our survival. John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago and co-author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, visited Zócalo to discuss the evolutionary basis of human relationships and why they matter.

Authors Alex Abella (Soldiers of Reason: The Rand Corp and the Rise of the American Empire), John Cacioppo (Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection), Hillary Stamm (Hollywood Assistants Handbook)

*Did you know that the health risks associated with loneliness are about the same as the risks associated with obesity?* Yes, that’s right, it’s not just your emotional well-being that is affected by your social interactions and intimate relationships — your longevity is also directly and adversely impacted by loneliness. In fact, loneliness can actually change your personality, making you more selfish and less sensitive to others. It’s also strongly associated with an increased risk for dementia, and lonely people actually have a 20% increase in their risk for early death from heart disease, stroke, or cancer. In the final episode of this three-part breather show about the future of health and fitness and the 9 tips you can take to transform your life this year, we will cover the last four items on the list: #6: Prioritizing live social interaction and your intimate circle of family and friends #7: Evolving love relationships to the next level #8: Reprogramming your brain and, finally: #9: Taking baby steps to achieve your goals Here we go! *Prioritizing Family and Friends, Your ‘Intimate’ Circle:* It’s no secret that a lot of people feel lonely during this pandemic, but maybe one lesson we can learn from that is to be more proactive in making plans and engaging in live social interaction. The truth is, loneliness is a big deal; Keto For Life explains why when discussing longevity attributes: “Two-thirds of Americans have lost 90 percent of their friends over the past decade. Common reasons include moving to a new city, entering an all-consuming romantic relationship, or simply drifting apart. Thirty-three percent of Americans admit to having had a falling-out with a close friend or extended family member such that they are not on speaking terms. Thirty percent more people live alone in the United States than did in 1980, many of them elderly and thus less likely to engage socially outside the home. *The disastrous health consequences of loneliness and isolation are widely acknowledged.* Social isolation is strongly associated with increased risk of dementia. Lonely people have a 20 percent increased risk of early death by cancer, heart disease, and stroke. These are about the same as obesity risks! Loneliness and isolation can actually change your personality whereby you become more selfish and less sensitive to others. This is a genetically programmed survival mechanism against the very real survival threat that isolation posed in primal times.” John Cacioppo, PhD, director of the University of Chicago’s Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience, and author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection , describes the phenomenon as follows: “When you feel lonely, you get more defensive. You focus more on self-preservation, even though this is not done intentionally. Completely unbeknownst to you, your brain is focusing more on self-preservation than the preservation of those around you. This, in turn, can make you less pleasant to be around.” *Evolving Love Relationships to Next Level: Emotionally Intelligent Relationships:* My shows with John Gray ( https://www.bradkearns.com/2020/04/07/john-gray-2/ ) and Wendy Walsh ( https://www.bradkearns.com/2018/10/02/wendywalsh/ ) are both great resources for information about this topic. The last time John was on the podcast, we discussed his book, Beyond Mars and Venus, and he talked about how one of the challenges of modern times is how evolving cultural dynamics are asking more from romantic relationships than ever before. Another thing John stressed was the importance of nurturing our biological drives so we can optimize our hormones with good relationship practices, and the Essential Male/Female Assignments, which are: Men: Engage in Venus talks and don’t speak when you have a negative emotional charge (be a calm, cool, and collected Kung fu master!). Take cave time to replenish testosterone (by solving problems, tackling challenges, etc). David Deida, author of The Way of Superior Man, advises us to, “lean into a female’s emotional outbursts.” Women: Don’t nitpick, and work to express everything as preference. Remember that men just want to be the hero in the story. Wendy Walsh says there are “no rules” (e.i., swiping a screen to find a new mate). In discussing the challenges of the all consuming modern relationship, Wendy asserts that “too much autonomy means no intimacy. Too much union means fusion, and that’s not healthy either.” Some great takeaways from John Gottman: “Discover your own happiness and bring it to a relationship.” John Gray says to look to yourself to be happy, and a relationship to make you happier. Get that 80% by yourself, and the final 20% is the cherry on top. It’s also key to realize that you can’t change your partner. “Most martial arguments cannot be solved, because they emanate from fundamental differences in lifestyle, personality, or values. Fighting is something that wastes time and harms your marriage. A successful relationship depends on the e xtent to which the male can accept the influence of the woman he loves and become socialized in emotional communication.” In your day-to-day lives as a couple, you have hit upon a dynamic that keeps your negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming the positive ones. The goal is to have an emotionally intelligent marriage. Also, keep in mind that, “neuroses don’t have to ruin a marriage. If you can accommodate each other’s ‘crazy’ side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.” *Reprogramming Your Brain:* One recurring theme in all our lives is that we are replaying flawed childhood programming and our subconscious runs the show, 93-98% of time, as per Bruce Lipton. The way to counteract this is by awakening to this idea, acknowledging our patterned behavior and ‘issues’ and taking some space to control thoughts and emotions. Work on responding, instead of reacting. One of my most inspiring shows was with John Assaraf ( https://www.bradkearns.com/2020/09/15/john-assaraf-innercise-unlocking-the-power-of-your-trillion-dollar-brain-with-easy-habit-formation-and-doing-a-little-anyway-even-if-you-dont/ ) , who talked about Innercise, which is how to rewire your brain neurons through “tiny actions” that are do-able and non-intimidating. This helps build up your confidence and also helps you to start thinking differently. The brain has neuroplasticity, meaning it can become rewired for success and positivity, so why not take advantage of this? Remember to “Take 6” under stress. There are also a host of other techniques that take practice and repetition: affirmations, positive self talk, tools like MyNeurogym online courses, physical priming techniques like diaphragmatic breathing, meditation and mindfulness training, CBT, subliminal tapes. Or how about just refraining from self-critical comments and self-limiting beliefs? And then, start envisioning some possibilities? I also love what Jack Canfield says about implementing ‘Turnaround statements’: “If you want to find happiness in life, put a muzzle on that inner critic and transform it into an encouraging, loving, and positive inner coach.” The inner critic can be incredibly destructive; Canfield cites research that we talk to ourselves around 50,000 times per day and that 80 percent of that self-talk is negative. Canfield’s suggestion is to identify the belief you would like to change, determine how that belief limits you, and decide how you would rather be, act, or feel. Then, create a “turnaround statement” that affirms or gives you permission to be, act, or feel this new way. Then, you implant the statement into your subconscious mind by repeating the statement for 2-3 minutes, several times per day for a minimum of thirty days. If this stuff sounds silly to you, you’re right. The Imperative Habit is full of great words of wisdom from Dave Rossi, one of my favorites being the importance of sticking to your values and vision when you experience stress, fear, pressure. He also suggests we try framing these negative emotions entirely differently, so we can see that stress, fear, and pressure are actually choices. And they’re caused by obsessing on an outcome or what you think others might think. So just fake it ‘till you make it if necessary! Do something about it. Eliminating stuff that makes you unhappy is ultimately what leads to happiness. I also love what psychologist Gay Hendricks says in his book, The Big Leap, which advances the compelling argument that we bump up against an “Upper Limit” in life. Hendricks describes, “An inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. That thermostat setting usually gets programmed in early childhood. Once programmed, our Upper-Limit thermostat setting holds us back from enjoying all the love, financial abundance, and creativity that’s rightfully ours.” *Taking Baby Steps to Achieve Your Goals:* There seems to be a huge recurring theme that, instead of grand plans and huge goals and dreams, you just take baby steps, meaning, you set do-able, intermediate step goals. Instead of a million zillion, see if you can get a handle on your consumer debt and start spreadsheeting. My morning routine ( https://www.bradkearns.com/2020/02/14/simple-morning-routine/ ) has been a life changer for a free-wheeler like me. As I’m now on a 4 year streak with this routine, it’s become less and less reliant on thought and motivation and willpower - I just know it will happen. Finally, when it comes to achieving goals, and the things you do in order to make them happen, remember that taking baby steps is the key to actually making progress. Don’t think, don’t judge, don’t hesitate - just do what you can, when you can, and then enjoy watching all your efforts add up over time! *TIMESTAMPS:* Brad starts by review of the first predictions for the first two breather shows. Diet, fitness workplace and career dynamic, and discipline with technology were covered. [01:47] Prioritizing your family and friends is more important than ever. When things get back to normal, we will appreciate how important it is. [02:42] Loneliness and isolation are more prevalent than we realize. [04:32] Evolve your love relationship to the next level. Understand how the roles have changed. [07:20] Males should never speak when he is experiencing a negative emotional charge. [12:58] Females need to vent as part of their biological drive to connect but never nitpick. [14:12] Discover your own happiness and then bring that happiness and that stability to the relationship, rather than looking to a relationship to fill a void in you or to make you feel whole. [16:22] Realize that you cannot change your partner. [20:13] Reprogram your brain neurons with tiny actions that are doable. [22:37] Take Six is a good strategy to remember when under stress.  Take six deep diaphragmatic breaths.  [26:59] Learn to be a listener. Learn to make “turn-around statements.” [31:01] When you experience stress, fear or pressure in daily life, you want to redirect your thoughts to your values and your vision. [34:33] There is an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. [37:17] Take baby steps on those changes you are wanting to make. [39:48] *LINKS:* * Brad’s Shopping Page ( http://www.bradkearns.com/shop/ ) * Keto for Life ( https://www.amazon.com/Keto-Longevity-Diet-Longer-Healthier/dp/1984825712/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1610497068&sr=1-5 ) * Loneliness: Human Nature, and the Need for Social Connection ( https://www.amazon.com/Loneliness-audiobook/dp/B001EVUE0A/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3I6FBEOOKOM49&dchild=1&keywords=loneliness+human+nature+and+the+need+for+social+connection&qid=1610497205&s=books&sprefix=loneli%2Cstripbooks%2C250&sr=1-3 ) * John T. Cacioppo ( https://news.uchicago.edu/story/john-t-cacioppo-pioneer-and-founder-field-social-neuroscience-1951-2018 ) * Beyond Venus and Mars ( https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Mars-Venus-Relationship-Today%C2%92s/dp/1942952295/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=1JK0X17PWSFWZ&dchild=1&keywords=beyond+venus+and+mars&psc=1&qid=1610497925&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFHOFExOUwzOExJWEomZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAzMTI4NTgxU045UlFUTlJPNURaJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA5ODg0MzEzVDE3R0FSV1M3SDlNJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ%3D%3D&sprefix=beyond+ven%2Caps%2C208&sr=8-1-spons ) * John Gray podcast ( https://www.bradkearns.com/2020/04/07/john-gray-2/ ) * Wendy Walsh podcast ( https://www.bradkearns.com/2018/10/02/wendywalsh/ ) * Innercise ( https://www.amazon.com/Innercise-Science-Unlock-Brains-Hidden/dp/1947637827 ) * John Assaraf podcast ( https://www.bradkearns.com/2020/09/15/john-assaraf-innercise-unlocking-the-power-of-your-trillion-dollar-brain-with-easy-habit-formation-and-doing-a-little-anyway-even-if-you-dont/ ) * myneurogym.com ( https://www.myneurogym.com/ ) * Biology of Belief ( https://www.amazon.com/s?crid=JX05H9422WGU&k=biology+of+belief+by+bruce+lipton&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-a-p_1_33&sprefix=biology+of+belief+by+bruce+lipton%2Caps%2C228 ) ( https://www.amazon.com/s?crid=JX05H9422WGU&k=biology+of+belief+by+bruce+lipton&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-a-p_1_33&sprefix=biology+of+belief+by+bruce+lipton%2Caps%2C228 ) * Luke Storey podcast ( https://www.bradkearns.com/2020/03/31/luke-storey/ ) * The Big Leap ( https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1610577524&sr=8-1 ) * Keto Reset Diet ( https://www.amazon.com/Keto-Reset-Diet-Metabolism-Forever/dp/1524762237/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=Keto+Reset+Diet&qid=1610663875&sr=8-3 ) * Center for Humane Technology ( http://humanetech.com/ ) * Medium.com article ( https://medium.com/thrive-global/how-technology-hijacks-peoples-minds-from-a-magician-and-google-s-design-ethicist-56d62ef5edf3 ) * Time Well Spent ( http://timewellspent.io. )  *Join Brad for more fun on:* Instagram: @bradkearns1 ( https://www.instagram.com/bradkearns1/ ) Facebook: @bradkearnsjumphigh ( https://www.facebook.com/bradkearnsjumphigh ) Twitter: @bradleykearns ( https://twitter.com/bradleykearns ) YouTube: @BradKearns ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4XXEoULD0AiiuPHdRw-Efg ) We appreciate all feedback, and questions for Q&A shows, emailed to getoveryourselfpodcast@gmail.com. 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