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You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, Corey and I talk about modeling the person you want your child to be—instead of trying to force them into having good character or good values. We discussed the difference between being a gardener or a carpenter parent, raising kind and helpful children, and how to trust the modeling process. We give lots of examples of what this has looked like for parents in our community as well as in our own homes.**If you'd like an ad-free version of the podcast, consider becoming a supporter on Substack! > > If you already ARE a supporter, the ad-free version is waiting for you in the Substack app or you can enter the private feed URL in the podcast player of your choice.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!We talk about:* 00:00 — Intro + main idea: be the person you want your child to be* 00:02 — How kids naturally model what we do (funny real-life stories)* 00:04 — When modeling goes wrong (rabbit poop + shovel story)* 00:06 — Not everything kids do is learned from us (fight/flight/freeze)* 00:08 — Gardener vs. carpenter parenting metaphor* 00:10 — Why “don't do anything for your child” is flawed advice* 00:12 — Helping builds independence (adult example + kids stepping up)* 00:17 — Hunt, Gather, Parent: let kids help when they're little* 00:19 — How to encourage helping without power struggles* 00:23 — Family team vs. rigid chores* 00:26 — Trust, faith, and “I'm sure you'll do it next time”* 00:29 — Respecting kids like people (adultism)* 00:31 — Living values without preaching* 00:36 — It's the small moments that shape kids* 00:38 — Don't be a martyr: let some things go* 00:40 — When this works (and when it doesn't)* 00:42 — Closing reflections on trust and nurturingResources mentioned in this episode:* Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player * The Peaceful Parenting Membership * Hunt, Gather, Parent podcast episode* Evelyn & Bobbie brasConnect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team-click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Our sponsors:YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can't go where you don't want them to go and they aren't watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HEREEvelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HEREPodcast Transcript:Sarah: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. I have Corey with me today. Hi, Corey.Corey: Hey, Sarah.Sarah: I'm so happy to be talking about what we're going to be talking about today because it's something that comes up a lot—both with our coaching clients and in our membership.Today we're talking about modeling the person you want your child to be—being the person you want your child to be—instead of trying to force them into having good character or good values.Corey: This is one of my favorite topics because people don't really think about it. There's that phrase that's so rampant: “Do as I say, not as I do.” And we're actually saying: do the exact opposite of that.Sarah: Yeah. And I think if people did this, that phrase wouldn't have to exist. Because if you're being the person you want your child to be, then you really can just say, “Do as I do.”I guess that “Do what I say, not what I do” comes up when you're not being the person you want your child to be. And it shows how powerful it is that kids naturally follow what we do, right?Corey: Yes.Sarah: Yeah. We both have some funny stories about this in action—times we didn't necessarily think about it until we remembered or saw it reflected back. Do you want to share yours first? It's so cute.Corey: Yeah. When I was a little girl, my favorite game to play was asking my mom if we could play “Mummy and her friend.” We did this all the time. My mom said she had to do it over and over and over with me.We'd both get a little coffee cup. I'd fill mine with water, and we'd pretend we were drinking tea or coffee. Then we would just sit and have a conversation—like I heard her having with her friend.And I'd always be like, “So, how are your kids?”—and ask the exact things I would hear my mom asking her friend.Sarah: That's so cute. So you were pretending to be her?Corey: Yes.Sarah: That is so cute.I remember once when Lee was little—he was probably around three—he had a block, like a play block, a colored wooden block. And he had it pinched between his shoulder and his ear, and he was doing circles around the kitchen.I said, “What are you doing?” And he said, “I'm talking on the phone.”And I realized: oh my gosh. I walk around with the cordless phone pinched between my shoulder and my ear, and I walk around while I'm talking on the phone. So for him, that was like: this is how you talk on the phone.Corey: That's such a funny reference, too. Now our kids would never—my kids would never do that, right?Sarah: No, because they never saw you with a phone like that.Corey: Right.Sarah: That is so funny. It's definitely a dated reference.You also have a funny story, too, that's sort of the opposite—less harmless things our kids copy us doing. Do you want to share your… I think it's a rabbit poop story.Corey: It is. We're just going to put it out there: it's a rabbit poop story. This is how we accidentally model things we probably don't want our kids doing.So, if you were listening this time last year, I got a new dog. She's a lab, and her favorite thing is to eat everything—especially things she's not supposed to eat, which I'm sure a lot of people can relate to.Our area is rampant with rabbits, so we have this problem with rabbit droppings. And my vet has informed me that despite the fact that dogs love it, you need to not let them eat it.So I'm always in the backyard—if you're hearing this, it's really silly—having to try and shovel these up so the dog's not eating them.Listeners, we're looking into a longer-term solution so rabbits aren't getting into our backyard, but this is where we're at right now.Whenever I noticed I'd be shoveling them up and I'd see her trying to eat something else I hadn't shoveled yet, I'd say, “Leave it,” and then give her a treat to reward her.One day, my little guy—little C—who loves taking part in dog training and is so great with animals, he saw our dog eating something she shouldn't. He ran and got his little sand shovel and went up to her holding it—kind of waving it at her—like, “Leave it.”And I was like, why are you shaking a shovel at the dog? Totally confused about what he was doing.And he's like, “Well, this is how you do it, Mommy.”And I was like… oh. I shake a shovel at the dog. You just say, “Leave it,” and then you give her the treat—not the shovel.Not an hour later, I'm shoveling again, she's trying to eat something she shouldn't, and I'm like, “Leave it, leave it.” I look at my hand and I'm holding the shovel up while saying it to her.Sarah: Right?Corey: And I was like, “Oh, this is why he thinks that.” Because every time I'm saying this to her, I'm holding a shovel mid-scoop—trying to get on top of the problem.Sarah: That's so funny. And when you told me that the first time, I got the impression you maybe weren't being as gentle as you thought you were. Like you were frustrated with the dog, and little C was copying that.Corey: Yeah. Probably that too, right? Because it's a frustrating problem. Anyone who's tried to shovel rabbit droppings knows it's an impossible, ridiculous task.So I definitely was a bit frustrated. He was picking up both on the frustration and on what I was physically doing.And I also think this is a good example to show parents: don't beat yourself up. Sometimes we're not even aware of the things we're doing until we see it reflected back at us.Sarah: Totally.And now that you mentioned beating yourself up: I have a lot of parents I work with who will say, “I heard my kid yelling and shouting, and I know they pick that up from me—my bad habits of yelling and shouting.”I just want to say: there are some things kids do out of fight, flight, or freeze—like their nervous system has gotten activated—that they would do whether you shouted at them or not.It's not that everything—every hard thing—can be traced back to us.Kids will get aggressive, and I've seen this: kids who are aggressive, who have not ever seen aggression. They've never seen anyone hitting; they've never been hit. But they will hit and kick and spit and scream because that's the “fight” of fight, flight, or freeze.So it's not that they learned it somewhere.And often parents will worry, “What are they being exposed to at school?” But that can just be a natural instinct to protect oneself when we get dysregulated.Also, kids will think of the worst thing they can say—and it's not necessarily that they've heard it.I remember one time Asa got really mad at Lee. They were like three and six. And Asa said, “I'm going to chop your head off and bury you in the backyard.”Oh my goodness—if I hadn't known it wasn't necessarily something he learned, I would've been really worried. But it was just a reflection of that fight, flight, or freeze instinct that he had.So I guess it's: yes, kids can learn things from us, and I'm not saying they can't. Your example—with the dog, the rabbit poop, and the shovel—of course kids can pick up unsavory behavior from us.But that doesn't mean that every single hard thing they do, they learned from us. And also, they have good natures. There are things that come from them that are good as well, that they didn't learn from us.Corey: That's right.Sarah: I want to ground this conversation in a great metaphor from a book by Allison Gopnik. I think the title is The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children.To really embrace what we're talking about—being the person you want your child to be—you have to believe in the gardener metaphor of parenting.The gardener metaphor is: your child is like a seed that has within it everything it needs to grow into a beautiful plant. You provide the water, sunlight, proper soil, and then the plant does the work of growing on its own.The carpenter metaphor is: you have to build your child—make your child into who they're going to be.This idea we're talking about—be the person you want your child to be—that's the soil and the light and the water your child needs to grow into a beautiful plant, or a beautiful human being.It's not that we're doing things to them to turn them into good humans.And honestly, most parents, when you ask them what they wish for their child, they want their kid to be a good person when they grow up.I want to say to parents: it's easier than you think. The most influential thing you can do to help your child grow up to be a good person is to be the person you want them to be.This goes up against a lot of common parenting advice.One phrase I wish did not exist—and I don't know where it came from, but if anyone knows, let me know—is: “You should never do anything for your child that they can do for themselves.”Such a terrible way to think about relationships.Can you imagine if I said to your partner, “You should never do anything for Corey that she can do for herself”? It's terrible.I make my husband coffee in the morning—not because he can't make it himself, but as an act of love. For him to come downstairs, getting ready for work, and have a nice hot coffee ready. Of course he can make his own coffee. But human relationships are built on doing things for each other.Corey: Yes. I think that's so profound.I think about how I was just telling you before we started recording how we've been spending our weekends skiing. When I first started skiing with my husband—even though I'd grown up skiing—I'd never done it as much as him. He helped me so much. He did so much of the process for me so I didn't have too much to think about.Now that we do it all the time, he said to me the other day, “Look at how independent you've gotten with this. You can do so much of this yourself. You're managing so much more on the hill.”He was so proud of me, and I was thinking: imagine if he hadn't done that for me. If he had been like, “Just figure it out. We're on the ski hill. You're an adult.”I probably wouldn't have enjoyed it very much. But he did lots of things for me that I could have done for myself, and that love and support helped nurture the shared love we had.Sarah: Yeah.And I think it's tough because our culture is so individualistic. Hyper-individualistic—everyone should stand on their own two feet and do things without help and make it on their own. And that has really leaked into our parenting.One of the major fears I hear from parents is that their kid won't be independent.So a lot of parents push kids to be independent—and what that ends up looking like is the opposite of what we're talking about.Part of the reason there's pressure for individualism is because we see it as a way for kids to turn into “good people.”But so many qualities of being a good person are about human interconnectedness: caring about other people, being kind, being helpful, being conscientious, thinking about what's the right thing to do.All of that comes from how we're modeling it—the gardener metaphor.But there's always this tension: wanting your kid to be helpful, caring, kind, and thinking you have to make them be those things instead of letting that gardener process develop.I'm on the other side of this because my kids are grownups, so I've seen it develop. One of the things I realized a couple years ago is this progression I saw with Maxine.One time we were on our way out the door. My husband happened to be leaving for work at the same time we were leaving for the school bus. Maxine was probably around seven, and I was carrying her backpack for her.My husband—who also has that individualism thing—said, “Why are you carrying her backpack? She's seven. She can carry her own backpack.”And I was like, “I know, but she likes me to carry it, and I don't mind.”And I really knew that someday she would want to carry her own backpack.Sure enough, a couple years later, she's carrying her own backpack, doesn't ask me anymore. I didn't think about it for a while.Then one day we were coming from the grocery store and had to walk a little ways with heavy groceries. She insisted on carrying all the groceries and wouldn't let me carry anything.I was like, “I can carry some groceries, honey.” And she's like, “No, Mom. I've got it.”She's carrying all the heavy groceries by herself. This full-circle moment: not only was she helping, she wanted to do it for me. She didn't want me to have to carry the heavy groceries.I just love that.Corey: Yeah. And I love when we have these conversations because sometimes it feels like a leap of faith—you don't see this modeled in society very much. It's a leap of faith to be like, “I can do these things for my children, and one day they will…”But it's not as long as people think. I'm already seeing some of that blooming with my 10-year-old.Sarah: Yeah.And Sophie in our membership shared something on our Wednesday Wins. Her kids are around 10, eight or nine, and seven. She's always followed this principle—modeling who you want your kid to be.She said she always worried, “They're never going to help.” And whenever you hear “never” and “always,” there's anxiety coming in.But she shared she had been sick and had to self-isolate. Her kids were making her food and bringing it to her. She would drive to the store, and they would go in and get the things needed.She was amazed at how they stepped up and helped her without her having to make them. They just saw that their mom needed help and were like, “We're there, Mom. What do you need?”Corey: Oh—“What do you need?” That's so sweet.Sarah: I love that.One more story: this fall, my kids are 20—Lee's going to be 25 next week—21, and 18.My husband and I were going away for the weekend, leaving Maxine home by herself. It was fall, and we have a lot of really big trees around our house, so there was major eavestroughs—gutters—cleaning to do, getting leaves off the roof and bagging all the leaves in the yard. A full-day job.My husband had been like, “I have so much work to do. I don't want to deal with that when I come home.”So I asked the boys if they could come over and the three of them could do the leaf-and-gutter job. And they were like, “Absolutely.”They surprised their dad. When we came home, they had done the entire thing. They spent a day doing all the leaves and gutter cleaning. None of them were like, “I don't want to,” or “I'm busy.” They didn't ask me to pay them—we didn't pay them. They just were like, “Sure, we'll help Dad. We know he has a lot of work right now.”I just love that.Corey: Oh, I love that. When they're so little, they can't really help take the burden off you. But knowing that one day they will—it's such a nice thing to know.Although this brings us to that good point about Hunt, Gather, Parent.Sarah: Yeah. If people haven't listened to that episode, we'll link to it in the show notes.Let's talk about some things you can do to actively practice what we're talking about—modeling who we want our kids to be.One idea is really encapsulated by Michaeleen Doucleff, who wrote Hunt, Gather, Parent. She traveled in Mexico, spent time with Mayan people, and saw kids doing household stuff without being asked—helpful, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, taking care of younger siblings in this beautiful way that was pretty unrecognizable by North American standards.She went down and lived with them and studied what they did. She found it started with letting kids help when they were little.The two- or three-year-old who wanted to help a parent make food or do things in the garden—rather than the parents doing it without the kid around, or giving them something fake to help with, or not letting them do it—those parents let kids do it.Even if it took longer, even if the parent had to redo it later (not in front of them). They let their kids be imperfect helpers and enthusiastic helpers.That's an impulse we've all seen: kids want to help. And we often don't let them because we say they're too little or it takes too much time. And we end up thwarting that helping impulse.Then when we really want them to help—when they're actually capable—they've learned, “Helping isn't my role,” because it got shut down earlier.Corey: Exactly. And I really feel that for parents because schedules are so busy and we're so rushed.But you don't have to do this all the time. It's okay if there are sometimes where there's a crunch. Pick times when it's a little more relaxed—maybe on weekends or when you have a bit more space.Sarah: Totally.And while we're talking about helping: this comes up a lot with parents I work with and in our membership. Parents will say, “I asked my kid to set the table and they said, ‘Why do I always have to do it?'”This happened the other day with a client. I asked, “What was your child doing when you asked?” And she said, “He was snuggled up on the couch reading a book.”And I was like: I can see how that's frustrating—you could use help getting the table ready. But let's zoom out.Modeling might look like: “Okay, you're tired. You've had a long day at school. You're snuggled up reading. I'll set the table right now.”Being gracious. Even if they refuse sometimes, it's okay to do it. But also, in that specific helping piece, we can look at the times when they help without being asked.When I give parents the assignment to look for that, every parent says, “Oh, I won't find any.” And then they come back and say, “Oh, I did find times.”So when they do help—carry groceries, help a sibling—how can you make them feel good about it?“Thank you. That saved so much time.” “I was going to help your brother but my hands were full—thank you.”Pro-social behavior is reinforced when it feels good.If you want them to help more, ask: “What would you like to do to help the family team?”Not, “This is your job forever.” More like, “I've noticed setting the table isn't a great time for you. What are some other things you could take on?” And if they don't have ideas, brainstorm what's developmentally appropriate.Often there are things kids would like to do that you've just never thought of.Corey: It's true. It's kind of like how adults divide jobs at home—often according to who likes what. But with kids we think, “I should just tell them what to do, and they should just do it.”It makes sense to work with what they like.Sarah: And also the flow of the family and schedule.That's why we never had chores in the strict sense. My kids helped out, but it was never “one person's job” to do the dishwasher or take out the garbage.Because inevitably I'd need the dishwasher emptied and that person wasn't home, or they were doing homework. And if I said, “Can you do the dishwasher?” someone could say, “That's not my job—that's my brother's job.”So instead, if I needed something done, whoever was around: “Hey, can you take the garbage out?” I tried to keep it relatively equal, but it wasn't a rigid assignment. And I think that helped create the family team idea.Corey: Yes.Sarah: And that “it's someone's job” thing is that individualism again.You hear this: “Can you clean that up?” and if you haven't been modeling cleaning up messes that aren't your own, you might hear, “Well, I didn't make that mess.”But if you model: if they make a mess and you say, “Can you pick up your crayons?” and they're like, “No,” then you can say, “Okay, sure, I'll pick up the crayons for you,” and they have the experience of seeing someone clean up a mess that isn't theirs.They're more likely to absorb: “Oh, yeah, I can help with messes that aren't mine.”Corey: I've really seen this play out in my house this winter. One child loves shoveling. The second there's any snow, he's like, “Time for me to shovel.” It doesn't matter if it's early morning or dark out—he's out there shoveling.And I've been blown away, because first of all, I do not like shoveling. It's genuinely helpful.But he'll also be looking out for when the plow comes by—this doesn't happen where you live on the island, but for lots of people: the plow makes a wall at the end of the driveway. Even if you already shoveled, you have a new wall.He'll keep looking: “Just watching out for the plow.” Like a little old man. The second it happens, he's out there so everyone can leave the house as needed.And he's even admitted, “There are lots of jobs I don't like, but I really love doing this. This is something I can do for everybody.”Sarah: That's so great. That's a perfect example of letting them choose something that helps the family.In terms of flexibility—doing things for them—how have you seen that play out? Because for me, when my kids were small, they did very little. We'd do “Let's all tidy up,” but maybe they'd pick up three things and I'd pick up most of the things. We'd do a 10-minute tidy.Mostly I did dishes, setting and clearing the table, all of that. But then I found that as they got older, they just started doing it.And I never got into power struggles because, honestly, it was often easier to do it myself. Maybe that worked out because I didn't have a grand vision—I just lived it, and then I saw them grow into doing a lot as they got older.What about you? How are you seeing that balance between what you do for them and how you see them growing?Corey: I'd say this is where you really have to have faith. Something that maybe wasn't modeled for us.This comes up with clients all the time: they get anxious—“They're never going to clean up, they're never going to be helpful, they'll be entitled.” They get stuck in “never” because it's not happening right away.So when I tell people: invite them, and if they don't want to do it, say something like, “You don't want to do it this time. I'm sure you'll do it next time.”But mean it—not passive-aggressive. Not “I'm sure you'll do it next time” as a threat. Actually mean: “I'm sure you'll do it next time,” and then go about it with trust that they will eventually do it.You're holding space. You're not being anxious about it.Sarah: Yes—holding space, having faith.Corey: And I think it's giving ourselves—and the parents we work with—a permission slip.You can tidy up for them without being angry about it. If you're doing this like, “No one helps me,” that's not going to work.You have to truly trust the goodness of your children—that they'll want to be like this.Sarah: Yeah.And I think some of it comes down to how we treat other adults.If your partner normally does the dishes and says, “I'm exhausted from work,” hopefully there's give-and-take. You pick up slack when they're tired.A lot of this is: how do you want to be treated? How do you treat other adults? And how can you work on treating kids the same way?So often we don't treat kids the way we treat adults. And sometimes that's appropriate. But often it's just a lack of respect.I saw a comedy skit once where these moms were sitting around drinking wine, and at first it was normal, and then one goes to reach for the bottle and another slaps her hand: “You haven't finished what you have in your glass. Finish what you have first.”Someone interrupts, and the other says, “I was still speaking. Wait until I'm done speaking.”And you're like: oh my gosh, that's what people do to kids all the time. If you see an adult do it to another adult, it's funny—but it's also jarring because it's considered normal when people do it to kids.Kids aren't always seen as having the same rights or deserving the same respect as adults.Corey: Yes. And I think Iris Chen talks about this. You did a podcast with her back in season one—adultism.Sarah: Yes, adultism—like racism or sexism, but adultism: prioritizing adults' needs and rights over children's.Corey: And that really stood out to me. If we treat them like the beautiful little people they are—not “just children,” but people—that goes a long way in what we're talking about today.Sarah: Yeah.And the last big point is how this works with values.Corey: We hear this a lot: parents get worried about values. They really value the environment and worry their kids aren't living those values.Like a parent who was upset their kids were buying candy made with palm oil because of how it's harvested. “Why don't my kids care?”If we get preachy—“We can't buy candy with palm oil,” “We only buy thrifted clothes”—it can turn into, “You're trying to control me,” and then kids push the other way.Versus if we live those values and give them room to play with them and figure out where they land, they tend to be more open—and more interested in the why.A strange example from this weekend: I don't really like those disposable hand warmers because you can only use them once. I prefer things we can use multiple times.It was supposed to be really cold, so I was like, “Okay, I guess I'll buy them.” I didn't say anything weird about it. We used them.At the end of the day, he had to throw them out, and he goes, “I don't feel great about this. It was helpful, but I don't know if it was helpful enough that we have to throw this in the garbage now.”And I was like: that's exactly how I feel. But I didn't get preachy. He was able to think about it himself.So even with values, we live them. If kids aren't agreeing with our values, sometimes we have to give space and pull back. When someone's pushing something on you, you often feel like not complying.Sarah: Yeah. It becomes a power struggle.And I do think there's a difference between pushing and educating. You can give them information in an age-appropriate way, and you can say, “You can buy that with your own money, but I don't want to support that, so I'm not going to.”Not in a way that makes them feel terrible. Just: “These are my values.”I've said this to my kids. Maxine was maybe 14 and said, “My phone's broken. I need a new phone.”I said, “What's wrong?” She said, “My music library keeps going away and I have to download it.”I started laughing and said, “That's not enough to get a new phone.” I said, “My values are we use electronics until they're broken. We don't get a new phone because of a little glitch.”You should see our minivan—it's scraped up and old-looking. Maxine actually said we're going somewhere with her boyfriend and his mom, and she said, “Can you please ask my boyfriend's mother to drive?”I said, “Why?” And she said, “Our car is so embarrassing.”And I'm like, “It works great. We drive our cars into the ground.” That's our family value.And then last year, Maxine's phone screen actually broke. She wanted a new phone, and I said, “My values—because of e-waste—are that I'd get it fixed if I were you. But I promise I won't judge you if you want a new phone. Do what feels right for you.”No guilt-tripping. And she chose to fix the screen instead of buying a new phone.So these are examples—like your hand warmers—where we can give the information without being heavy. And they usually absorb our values over time.Corey: Because it's not just that moment—it's hundreds of interactions.And that's actually empowering: you don't need one big conversation. You get to show them these little things throughout life.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Corey: I mean, if we're talking about phones, goodness gracious—how long have I needed a new phone?Sarah: I know. I've been wanting you to get a new phone so you can post Reels for me.Corey: They're like, “Corey, maybe you've taken this too far.” But I don't know—the modeling I've given my children is that you can make a dead phone last for two extra years.Sarah: And I like your point: it's all of these interactions over and over again.The opposite of what we're talking about is you can't tell your kids not to be materialistic if you go out and buy things you don't need. You can't tell them people are more important than phones if you're on your phone all the time.You really have to think about it. That's why that “Do as I say, not as I do” sometimes gets used—because it's hard. It's hard to be the person you want your kids to be.And it keeps us honest: who do we want to be? Who do we want them to be?Corey: I mean, it's that moment when I stood there holding the shovel and I was like, “Ah. I see.”So we can see this as a beautiful thing for our own growth, too, because we're going to keep realizing how much it matters.Caveat, though: I don't want parents to listen and feel pressure—like every moment they're being watched and they must be perfect.Because this is also a chance to model messing up and making repairs. So don't take this as: you have to be perfect.Sarah: And the other thing: if you're listening and you're like, “Why do I have to do everything around here? Sarah and Corey are saying clean up your kids' messes, carry things for them, do the chores…”I'm not saying every parent should be a martyr and never get help.Remember what I said: where can your kids help? What are they already doing? What could they choose?And I think I also let a lot of stuff go. My parents once came to visit and said, “Sarah, we really admire how you choose to spend time with your kids instead of cleaning up your house.”I was like, I think that was a backhanded compliment. And also them noticing it was kind of a mess.It wasn't terrible or dirty. It was just: I didn't have a perfect house, and I did everything myself.I did a lot myself, but I didn't do all the things some people think they need to do.Corey: That totally makes sense. You're basically saying: what can you let go of, too?Sarah: Yeah. For the sake of the relationship.And I think the last thing I wanted us to talk about is: does this ever not work?You and I were thinking about objections.If you're living this way—gracious, helpful, flexible, modeling who you want them to be—you're putting deposits in the Goodwill Bank. Your connection increases. They care what you think because that Goodwill Bank is nice and beefy.The only time you could say it wouldn't work is if you didn't have a good relationship. But if you're doing all this, it builds relationship—so I don't even think you can say, “This doesn't work.”Nobody's perfect. There were plenty of times I asked my kids to do things and they were grumpy, or I had to ask 10 times. It wasn't like, “Of course, Mom, let me empty the dishwasher.” They were normal kids. But in general, if you trust the process and maturation, your kids move in that direction.Corey: I'd add one other thing: it wouldn't work if this is all you're doing, with nothing else.Sometimes people think peaceful parenting is passive, and what we're saying can sound passive: “Just be who you want them to be.”But there are also times you need to do something. Like we said: if you're being the person you want to be and they're never helping, there's also a conversation: “What do you like to do?” There are collaborative steps.This is the big philosophy—embodying who you want them to be—but there are also practical supports and conversations that help them be successful.Sarah: Totally.And the last thing is: remember this happens over time. Trust the growth process and maturation and brain development.Remember that when they're little, their agenda is not your agenda. And as they get older, they start to see the benefits: “Oh yeah, it is nice when the living room's tidied up.”When they're little, they don't have the same agenda as you. That's a lot of why you get, “No, you do it.”And I actually can't believe I didn't say this earlier, but a lot of times when we're doing things for kids, they feel it as nurturing.So sometimes when they don't want to help, it's their way of saying, “I want to make sure you're taking care of me.” Sometimes that can look like refusal or not wanting to do things themselves.Corey: Yeah, absolutely.Sarah: Thanks, Corey.Corey: Thank you. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

Caregiving is the most universal of human acts. But also one of the most invisible. While caring for a child, parent or loved one can be meaningful, and life defining, it can also be exhausting and life breaking. Drawing on her groundbreaking research on baby's brains, UC Berkeley psychologist and philosopher Alison Gopnik is leading a multidisciplinary project to better understand the social science of caregiving with hopes of translating those insights into practical policies. Gopnik and policymaker Anne-Marie Slaughter join us to talk about how rethinking our approach to caregiving and how we support care providers, could lead to a better, more functional society. Guests: Alison Gopnik, professor of psychology and affiliate professor of philosophy, UC Berkeley; author, "The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children" Anne-Marie Slaughter, CEO of New America, a non-profit think tank; author of "Unfinished Business: Women Men Work Family" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Seasons of suffering can take so much from us—our health, a loved one, our sense of security. There's a more expansive loss that runs through all those other kinds of loss: we lose our ability to imagine a good future. We only remember pain and hurt, which means we anticipate a future filled with more pain and hurt. I don't think it has to be this way. Even when the worst things happen, it's possible to dream new dreams. And it's possible to imagine a good future for ourselves and for the people we love.Today we're talking to a woman on the leading edge of imagining—and creating—good futures. Amy Julia Becker is an author, speaker, and one of my very favorite thought leaders in the faith and disability space. Hours after giving birth to her first daughter, Princeton grad Amy Julia received the unexpected news that her little girl had an intellectual disability. Amy Julia's lived experience paired with her brilliant mind and love of Jesus make her an invaluable guide as you and I take the next step toward a future filled with hope.Here's what you'll take away from this conversation:A refreshing redefinition of “the good life”One thing you can do when life takes a totally unexpected turnProof that the life you didn't expect can still be a life you loveTons of practical resources and recommendations for taking your next stepIf you need inspiration to begin imagining a good future, this episode is for you.Show Notes:The GoodHard Story Ep. 94 with Dr. John Swinton - https://pod.link/1496882479/episode/565eb21c7e2a0b580d942c64560f312fA Good and Perfect Gift: Faith, Expectations, and a Little Girl Named Penny by Amy Julia Becker - https://a.co/d/hHW7XfsHope Heals Camp - https://hopeheals.com/camp/The Life We're Looking For: Reclaiming Relationship in a Technological World by Andy Crouch - https://a.co/d/hpkQxOOThe GoodHard Story Ep. 98 with Philip Yancey - https://pod.link/1496882479/episode/7ff1ca2eb98b273f3d5479dc5504d9f3Where the Light Fell: A Memoir by Philip Yancey - https://pod.link/1496882479/episode/7ff1ca2eb98b273f3d5479dc5504d9f3Re-Imagining Family Life with Disabilities Workshop - https://amyjuliabecker.com/workshop/The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnick - https://a.co/d/70JXPiSAmy Julia's Substack - https://amyjuliabecker.substack.com/Amy Julia's podcast - https://amyjuliabecker.com/podcast/Amy Julia on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/amyjuliabecker/Scriptures referenced in this episode:***There's so much more to the story. For more messages of hope, free resources, and opportunities to connect with me, visit https://hopeheals.com/katherine.Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hopeheals/⁠Subscribe to The GoodHard Story Podcast!Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-hard-story-podcast/id1496882479Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0OYz6G9Q2tNNVOX9YSdmFb?si=043bd6b10a664bebWant a little hope in your inbox? ⁠⁠Sign up for the Hope Note⁠⁠, our twice-a-month digest of only the good stuff, like reflections from Katherine and a curated digest of the Internet's most redemptive content: https://hopeheals.com/hopenoteGet to know us:⁠⁠Hope Heals⁠⁠: https://hopeheals.com/⁠⁠Hope Heals Camp⁠⁠: https://hopeheals.com/camp⁠⁠Mend Coffee⁠⁠: https://www.mendcoffee.org/Instagram⁠: https://www.instagram.com/hopeheals/

Caregiving is the most universal of human acts. But also one of the most invisible. While caring for a child, parent or loved one can be meaningful, and life defining, it can also be exhausting and life breaking. Drawing on her groundbreaking research on baby's brains, UC Berkeley psychologist and philosopher Alison Gopnik is leading a multidisciplinary project to better understand the social science of caregiving with hopes of translating those insights into practical policies. Gopnik and policymaker Anne-Marie Slaughter join us to talk about how rethinking our approach to caregiving and how we support care providers, could lead to a better, more functional society. Guests: Alison Gopnik, professor of psychology and affiliate professor of philosophy, UC Berkeley; author, "The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children" Anne-Marie Slaughter, CEO of New America, a non-profit think tank; author of "Unfinished Business: Women Men Work Family" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matt Ragland focuses on the intersection of productivity and the creator economy. He started an online community for creative Dads called Digital Dads. Matt was the 5th employee at ConvertKit, ran Creator Success at Podia, and has built an audience of over 100,000 fans across his newsletter, YouTube channel, and social media channels. He lives in Nashville with his wife of 17 years and 3 (almost 4) kids. In our conversation today we discussed:* Matt's childhood as the son of a pastor* The importance of community - and building community for fathers* Homeschooling* Outward expressions of love* Taking your kids on adventures* Helping your kids have a vision greater than themselves* Pursuing self-employment as a means to better balance work, health and familyListen, watch and subscribe: Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and Overcast.—Where to find Matt Ragland- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattragland/- Twitter / X: https://twitter.com/mattragland- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/MattRagland/videosWhere to find Adam Fishman- Newsletter: www.startupdadpod.substack.com- Newsletter: www.FishmanAFNewsletter.com- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adamjfishman/- Twitter / X: https://twitter.com/fishmanaf- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/startupdadpod/—In this episode, we cover:[00:30] Intro[1:52] Welcome[2:15] Matt's professional background[8:06] Matt's childhood and parents[13:10] His partner and kids[16:34] Homeschooling[21:46] Outward expressions of love[25:34] The importance of community and Digital Dads[32:05] Taking kids on adventures[37:05] Most surprising thing as a dad[39:50] Demonstrating good habits[47:21] Vision greater than yourself[52:07] What don't you and your wife align on?[55:33] Mistakes made as a father[59:50] Where to follow along with Matt's journey[1:00:57] Rapid fire[1:09:18] Thank you—Show references:Matt's Website - https://mattragland.com/Buffer - https://buffer.com/Backcountry - https://www.backcountry.com/APPSumo - https://appsumo.com/ConvertKit - https://convertkit.com/Nashville, TN - https://www.visitmusiccity.com/Podia  - https://www.podia.com/Jiu jitsu - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JujutsuNose Frida - https://frida.com/Nintendo switch - https://www.nintendo.com/us/switch/Lululemon (joggers or ABC pants) - https://shop.lululemon.com/10,000 (shirts) - https://www.tenthousand.cc/Smart wool (socks) - https://www.smartwool.com/Duer (jeans) - https://shopduer.com/Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five - https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Updated-Expanded/dp/0983263388Outdoor Kids in an Inside World: Getting Your Family Out of the House and Radically Engaged with Nature - https://www.amazon.com/Outdoor-Kids-Inside-World-Radically/dp/0593129660Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans - https://www.amazon.com/Hunt-Gather-Parent-Ancient-Cultures/dp/198214968XThe Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children - https://www.amazon.com/Gardener-Carpenter-Development-Relationship-Children/dp/1250132258Inside Out - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2096673/—For sponsorship inquiries email podcast@fishmana.com.Editing support by Tommy Harron at http://www.armaziproductions.com/. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit startupdadpod.substack.com

Matt Ragland focuses on the intersection of productivity and the creator economy. He started an online community for creative Dads called Digital Dads. Matt was the 5th employee at ConvertKit, ran Creator Success at Podia, and has built an audience of over 100,000 fans across his newsletter, YouTube channel, and social media channels. He lives in Nashville with his wife of 17 years and 3 (almost 4) kids. In our conversation today we discussed: Matt's childhood as the son of a pastor The importance of community - and building community for fathers Homeschooling Outward expressions of love Taking your kids on adventures Helping your kids have a vision greater than themselves Pursuing self-employment as a means to better balance work, health and family — Where to find Matt Ragland - LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattragland/ - Twitter / X: https://twitter.com/mattragland - Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/MattRagland/videos   Where to find Adam Fishman - Newsletter: https://startupdadpod.substack.com/ - Newsletter: https://www.fishmanafnewsletter.com - LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adamjfishman/ - Twitter / X: https://twitter.com/fishmanaf - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/startupdadpod/ — In this episode, we cover: [00:30] Intro [1:52] Welcome [2:15] Matt's professional background [8:06] Matt's childhood and parents [13:10] His partner and kids [16:34] Homeschooling [21:46] Outward expressions of love [25:34] The importance of community and Digital Dads [32:05] Taking kids on adventures [37:05] Most surprising thing as a dad [39:50] Demonstrating good habits [47:21] Vision greater than yourself [52:07] What don't you and your wife align on? [55:33] Mistakes made as a father [59:50] Where to follow along with Matt's journey [1:00:57] Rapid fire [1:09:18] Thank you — Show references: Matt's Website - https://mattragland.com/ Buffer - https://buffer.com/ Backcountry - https://www.backcountry.com/ APPSumo - https://appsumo.com/ ConvertKit - https://convertkit.com/ Nashville, TN - https://www.visitmusiccity.com/ Podia  - https://www.podia.com/ Jiu jitsu - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jujutsu Nose Frida - https://frida.com/ Nintendo switch - https://www.nintendo.com/us/switch/ Lululemon (joggers or ABC pants) - https://shop.lululemon.com/ 10,000 (shirts) - https://www.tenthousand.cc/ Smart wool (socks) - https://www.smartwool.com/ Duer (jeans) - https://shopduer.com/ Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five by John Medina - https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Updated-Expanded/dp/0983263388 Outdoor Kids in an Inside World: Getting Your Family Out of the House and Radically Engaged with Nature by Steven Rinella - https://www.amazon.com/Outdoor-Kids-Inside-World-Radically/dp/0593129660 Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff - https://www.amazon.com/Hunt-Gather-Parent-Ancient-Cultures/dp/198214968X The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik - https://www.amazon.com/Gardener-Carpenter-Development-Relationship-Children/dp/1250132258 Inside Out - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2096673/ — Production support for Startup Dad is provided by Tommy Harron at http://www.armaziproductions.com/ Episode art designed by Matt Sutherland at https://www.mspnw.com/  

Blake Boles is an unschooling advocate and author of the book 'Why Are You Still Sending Your Kids To School' he also runs transformative teen programs called Unschool Adventures.In this episode, we also explore the transformative power of alternative education. We examine the conventional education system's limitations and champion personalized learning paths, inspired by notable educational theorists. As Blake, we have diverged from traditional career paths, and together we share our experiences and the growth that stems from independence and stepping outside one's comfort zone.Our discussion ventures into parenting, challenging the current trend of being overprotective. We advocate for a balanced approach to parenting and education, emphasizing the importance of listening to and supporting our children's unique paths. This conversation promises to be an enlightening exploration of self-directed learning, the joys of adventure, and the art of nurturing young minds for a diverse and vibrant educational future.

When it comes to building communities that nurture the next generation, it's hard to identify a universal standard for success. But as social psychologist and author Jonathan Haidt looks at the trends among today's children, he sees both common concerns and shared opportunities to address them. On this episode of The Russell Moore Show, Haidt and Moore discuss the alarming rates of anxiety and depression among children and adolescents, which Haidt explores at length in his new book The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. Haidt and Moore consider the factors that lead to childhood mental health crises, including access to iPhones and social media. They talk about the ways that the Covid-19 pandemic affected (and didn't affect) young people. And they look back on the last several decades of American history, during which parents have increasingly treated raising children like a school project or professional endeavor. While much of their discussion outlines the challenges young people face today, Haidt and Moore's conversation hinges on hope. They propose meaningful opportunities for cultivating good mental health, confidence, and a sense of purpose in children and adolescents. And they encourage all who are investing in the next generation with practical advice for healthy homes and communities. Resources mentioned in this episode include:  The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood--and What That Means for the Rest of Us by Jean Twenge High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out by Amanda Ripley The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik Wayfinding: The Science and Mystery of How Humans Navigate the World by M. R. O'Connor “What Is Attachment Theory?” American Grace: How Religion Divides and Unites Us by Robert D. Putnam Do you have a question for Russell Moore? Send it to questions@russellmoore.com. Click here for a trial membership at Christianity Today. “The Russell Moore Show” is a production of Christianity Today Executive Producers: Erik Petrik, Russell Moore, and Mike Cosper Host: Russell Moore Producer: Ashley Hales Associate Producers: Abby Perry and McKenzie Hill Director of Operations for CT Media: Matt Stevens Audio engineering by Dan Phelps Video producer: Abby Egan Theme Song: “Dusty Delta Day” by Lennon Hutton Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to The Coaching Podcast, where we challenge conventional wisdom with a healthy dose of skepticism and explore the possibilities that lie beyond. Our guest today is a human being coach, Eryc Eyl, who is extremely passionate about helping individuals thrive by fostering work lives that are not only fulfilling but also empowering and self-actualizing. Join us as we dive into the realm of coaching and discover how leaders, both official and unofficial, can embrace a humancentric approach, putting human needs, motivations, fears, and aspirations at the forefront. Eryc will redefine the concept of "we" and uncover extraordinary opportunities that arise when we embrace our shared humanity. After all, at the heart of it all, we are all simply human beings seeking growth and fulfillment. Here is a summary of the key points; 1.48: Best coaching moment: The purpose of work is to support our aspirations and minimize our fears so that human beings can flourish! Remember to coach the whole human. 7.54: Worst coaching moment: Being clear on the specific coaching agreement upfront. 11.10: What does coaching mean to you? Do you need: A therapist - is great at getting at the WHY An Advisor (we need consent to step into that) - Here is how you might go about doing that A Coach - to listen and help the client gain perspective on what they are trying to accomplish (connect the dots) 13.00: Sliding Doors: The person who helped Eryc gain perspective and clarity. Specifically, 'to always be "in service" to my fellow humans (not corporations). 21.12: The difference between being "in service" compared to being "a servant". 21.57: Individual autonomy within an interdependent world - the concept of personal independence and self-governance while acknowledging the interconnectedness and interdependence of individuals within a larger society or global context. 22.39: What Makes a Great Coach? And, what makes a great leader? Listening - with the intent to really understand. Listen deeply. Asking - great coaching questions at the right time to create new realities. Connecting - the dots to help gain perspective. 25.56: When working with busy people, ask them: "When do you do your thinking?" Latin phrase meaning: It is solved by walking! 34.32: A definition of an engaged employee according to Erycl: "A fellow human who is so emotionally connected and committed to their work that they willingly and proactively go above and beyond their job description to help the organization attain its vision, fulfill its mission, and achieve its goals in return for the promise of increased satisfaction, fulfillment, self-actualizing, and flourishing." Book reference: "The Power of Full Engagement" by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. Stop trying to engage people, instead create conditions in which people are more likely to develop that sense of engagement Book reference: The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children is written by Alison Gopnik Leaders can cultivate engagement (deliberate practices over time). 23.23: The 13 principles ..... X is more powerful than Y Video about the 13 principles for human-centric workplaces (https://www.eryceyl.com/videos/13-principles-human-centric) and the three highlighted below are discussed in this episode. Possibilities are more powerful than problems It's better to involve than to instruct Connection is greater than compliance Strengths are greater than weaknesses Intrinsic motivation is greater (in the end) than extrinsic - Speakers need to stoke the motivation that already lives within people. Bribery (external motivation) only works in the short term. Clarity is greater than cleverness Why is greater than what Authenticity over authority Humans (think about them as humans), not employees Listening over talking Consistency over intensity Love is greater than fear We language over they - We is stronger than they. It really matters what we mean when we say "we" if we want to broaden our possibilities. 39.19: How can people take the first step towards becoming more human-centric in their leadership? Increase your listening ratio compared to talking! Download the first chapter of Eryc's new book: "Stop Engaging Employees - Start Being More Human" by following this link: https://www.eryceyl.com/emma 40.59: There is great strength in softness (soft skills) so let's lean-in that and begin to see our "soft skills" as strengths that really matter. The Coaching Podcast is sponsored by The Sampson Agency - a talent entertainment and sports management company owned and operated by Tina Samara. Visit: www.thesampsonagency.com or email: tina@transitioncoach4athletes.com To learn more about becoming a workplace coach or advancing your coaching skills, visit: www.opendoorcoachingusa.com or email: info@emmadoyle.com.au About Eryc Eyl Eryc Eyl believes in a world in which work isn't just a four-letter word, but part of a path to greater satisfaction, fulfillment, self-actualization, and flourishing. He is a speaker, author, coach, consultant, and educator committed to making work more human. Eryc helps workplaces align their culture with strategic imperatives, and individuals integrate work with a meaningful, fun, and fulfilling life. His expertise comes from three decades of experience with organizations a wide variety of industries, as well as certifications in workplace culture, change management, and customer experience. Eryc is also a storyteller, playwright, and DJ who holds a Master's degree in education from the University of Colorado, and a Bachelor's degree in literature and film from Vassar College. He is the playwright of The Immunes, and his first book, Stop Engaging Employees, will arrive in 2023. Connect with Eryc here: https://linktr.ee/eryceyl Website: https://www.eryceyl.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/eryceyl Insta: https://www.instagram.com/eryceyl

In this episode, investor, journalist, philanthropist, and amateur cosmonaut Esther Dyson joins us to talk about the importance of moving from short-term self interest to long-term shared interest. Esther is the executive founding soul behind Wellville. She talks about this ten-year project and the five US communities participating to improve their own health and wellbeing while inspiring other communities to do the same. We converse about the importance of shifting from a “we” centered way of thinking to one that invests in the success of the whole and we talk about the problem of addiction, how it relates to short term thinking, how it creates competition as opposed to collaboration within a community and how it affects both personal life as well as business growth. Furthermore, we dive into how to build something sustainable and the story behind ICANN. SUPPORT US ON PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/rhyslindmark JOIN OUR DISCORD: https://discord.gg/PDAPkhNxrC Who is Esther Dyson? Esther is the chairman of EDventure Holdings and is the executive founder of Wellville, a 10 - year nonprofit project dedicated to demonstrating the value of long-term investment in health and equity. Esther is an active angel investor, best-selling author, board member and advisor concentrating on emerging markets and technologies, new space and health. She sits on the boards of 23andMe and is an investor in Crohnology, Eligible API, Keas, Omada Health, Sleepio, and StartUp Health, among others. For 6 months, Esther lived outside Moscow, Russia, training as a backup cosmonaut. She has a BA in economics from Harvard University, and a completion certificate in space medicine and space plumbing from Yuri Gagarin Cosmonaut Training Center. Topics: Welcome Esther Dyson to The Rhys Show!: (00:00:00) About this century being the turning point & the governance system: (01:49) The problem of having a “WE” centered world: (04:19) About the metaphor of addiction & how it shows up in different fields: (08:14) Short term aspiration versus long term aspiration: (12:57) About Wellville helping five communities to build their own fishing school: (18:05) The approach of collaborating & complementing one another: (21:38) Sustainability within nonprofits: (31:43) The ICANN story: (34:20) Words of advice to the audience: (38:13) Mentioned resources: ICANN: https://www.icann.org/ “The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children” book by Alison Gopnik: https://www.amzn.com/B01ARRWPUS Connect with Esther Dyson: Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/estherdyson/ Wellville Web: https://wellville.net/about/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/edyson?lang=en Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.dyson Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/estherdyson/

Buy a round! Become a Patron! Links The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children (Amazon) Merkin (Wikipedia) Conan Visits Sir Paul McCartney In London | Late Night with Conan O'Brien (YouTube) Debris in the road Waterfall Buy a round! Become a Patron!

Buy a round! Become a Patron! Links The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children (Amazon) Merkin (Wikipedia) Conan Visits Sir Paul McCartney In London | Late Night with Conan O'Brien (YouTube) Debris in the road Waterfall Buy a round! Become a Patron!

“Productivity is a trap. Becoming more efficient just makes you more rushed, and trying to clear the decks simply makes them fill up again faster.” It took a moment of epiphany on a Brooklyn park bench, and becoming a father, for my guest today, recovering productivity hacker and Guardian journalist Oliver Burkeman, to see the truth. We're all going to die. And soon: in fact, after about four thousand weeks. That's the animating idea of his new book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. But facing our finitude frees us to give up on the myth of a stress-free future, embrace the discomfort of failure, focus on the present, and make more thoughtful trade-offs. Maybe even start to allow time to use us, rather than the other way round. We talk about parenting, the role of religion, to-do lists, the regulation of time by states and churches, the pleasures of hiking, the Northern Lights, the sabbath, and much more. Oliver Burkeman Oliver Burkeman is a writer and recovering productivity hacker. His new book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, is about making the most of our radically finite lives in a world of impossible demands, relentless distraction and political insanity (and 'productivity techniques' that mainly just make everyone feel busier). More Burkeman  Oliver is also author of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking (2012) and Help! How to Become Slightly Happier and Get a Bit More Done (2011), a collection of his Guardian columns. Follow Oliver on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/oliverburkeman. Sign up for his twice-weekly newsletter, The Imperfectionist, and check out his website here: https://www.oliverburkeman.com/ Also Mentioned  See Krista Tippett's project, On Being I mentioned Jon Elster's work on “willing what cannot be willed”, this appears in his chapter on “Sour Grapes”, available here.  Oliver referred to Alison Gopnik's book The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children We mentioned Time and Despondency: Regaining the Present in Faith and Life by Nicole Roccas Oliver referred to the book Personal Kanban by Jim Benson and Tonianne DeMaria Barry We discussed research on vacations in Sweden, for more see Terry Hartig's work on “restorative environments” The Dialogues Team  Creator: Richard Reeves Artwork: George Vaughan Thomas Tech Support: Cameron Hauver-Reeves Music: "Remember" by Bencoolen (thanks for the permission, guys!)

One of the best things about doing this podcast for the past seven years has been how our guests have shaped nearly every aspect of my life and the lives of my family. Over the years my wife Julie and I have built an ancestral lifestyle we believe to be most conducive to health, connection, and longevity, largely influenced by the brilliant guests we've interviewed right here. The process has been nothing short of an adventure, and it continues to unfold. On this podcast, I'm joined by my wife, food scientist Julie Kelly to talk about how we've taken everything we've learned about health, wellness, and ancestral living to create a home life that truly supports and sustains our family. We talk about how we eat, prepare meals, and educate our kids and changes we've made over the years. Julie shares the immense value she's derived from a very specific type of psychotherapy, and we discuss how our practice of managing stress has evolved. We also give an update on our adventures in cohousing, and the number one factor that we've learned will make or break cohousing relationships. Here's the outline of this interview with Julie Kelly: ​​[00:00:17] Ayla is 6 months old; the birth experience. [00:02:21] Podcasts with Lily Nichols, RDN: How to Optimise Nutrition for Pregnancy and Real Food for Gestational Diabetes with Lily Nichols. [00:03:13] How our eating has evolved over time. [00:04:04] Podcast: How We Really Burn Calories, Lose Weight, and Stay Healthy, with Herman Pontzer, PhD. [00:04:22] Meal prep and shopping. Our eBook: What We Eat. [00:07:14] Justin Sonnenberg. [00:07:37] Lucy Mailing, PhD; Podcasts: 1. How to Optimise Your Gut Microbiome, 2. Microbiome Myths and Misconceptions, 3. Rewilding the Gut: Restoring Ancestral Diversity to the Microbiome. [00:09:17] Simon Marshall's Stress Audit; Podcast: How to Manage Stress. [00:11:31] Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP); Podcast: Healing and Transformation with Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), with Jason Connell. Learn more about working with Jason. [00:16:27] Book: It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self, by Hilary Jacobs Hendel. [00:18:33] Forest School. [00:21:58] Book: Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life, by Peter Gray; Podcast: Free to Learn: Unleashing the Instinct to Play, with Peter Gray, PhD. [00:22:36] Books: The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children, and The Scientist In The Crib: Minds, Brains, And How Children Learn, by Alison Gopnik, PhD. [00:24:54] Book: Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World, by David Epstein. [00:25:00] Cohousing; Podcast: Contemplating Cohousing: A Paradigm for Modern Day Tribal Living. [00:25:07] Book: Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding, by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy. [00:26:13] Article: The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake, by David Brooks. [00:26:25] Podcast: The Postmenopausal Longevity Paradox and the Evolutionary Advantage of Our Grandmothering Life History, with Kristin Hawkes, PhD. [00:29:54] Our experience with Workaway.info.  [00:38:38] Our Workaway profile.

Four Thousand Weeks. Author Oliver Burkeman is asking us to reconsider what it means to “manage time." The conveyor belt of tasks is infinite, but our time most certainly is not. Instead, Burkeman says the most fundamental question is: “What would it mean to spend the only time you ever get in a way that truly feels as though you are making it count? And equally powerful: “In what ways have you yet to accept the fact that you are who you are, not the person you think you ought to be?” More About Oliver: Oliver Burkeman is the author of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking (2012) and an award-winning feature writer for The Guardian, where he wrote a long-running weekly column on psychology, “This Column Will Change Your Life.” Today we're talking about his brand new book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by leaving a rating or review. Free Time is listener supported—consider donating to become a podcast BFF Insider and you'll get access to a monthly Q&A call with Jenny and private feed.

Leidy Klotz reveals how to access the untapped potential of subtraction to make work and life more efficient. — YOU'LL LEARN — 1) What Legos can teach us about smarter problem-solving2) The trick to overcoming your brain's bias for addition3) How subtracting leaves us with moreSubscribe or visit AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep684 for clickable versions of the links below. — ABOUT LEIDY — Leidy Klotz is a Professor at the University of Virginia, where he directs the university's Convergent Behavioral Science Initiative and is appointed in the Schools of Engineering, Architecture, and Business. His research on the science of problem-solving has appeared in both Nature and Science and has been covered in The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post among national newspapers on five continents. • Leidy's book: Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less • Twitter: @Leidyklotz — RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE SHOW — • Study: “Buying time promotes happiness” by Ashley Whillans, Elizabeth Dunn, et al. • Book: The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik • Book: No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson • Book: The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson • Author: Eduardo Galeano — THANK YOU SPONSORS! — • Blinkist. Read or listen to summarized wisdom from thousands of nonfiction books! Free trial available at blinkist.com/awesome See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Maybe you don't think there's much philosophy involved with parenting. Descartes, after all, was too busy figuring out how playing with a ball of wax could reveal the nature of existence to worry about which sippy cup leads to the best SAT scores. But it's hard to imagine an experience that throws a person into a deeper state of existential tension and reflection than does being a parent. And that tension can also open the door for a lot of bad and dumb ideas about which sippy cup is best for navigating the murky waters of parenting. Robin Wilkins is a teacher, writer, artist, and musician who holds a master's degree in philosophy. She and John - both of whom are parents - discussed the parenting philosophy of Alison Gopnik (who argues parents should be more like gardeners and less like carpenters) as well as some of the dumber, more infuriating, and more toxic ideas that circulate among the vulnerable and often gullible parenting sphere. The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children Homeward Bound: Why Women Are Embracing the New Domesticity (Night Glow Board Books)   Raising America: Experts, Parents, and a Century of Advice About Children   More Work For Mother: The Ironies Of Household Technology From The Open Hearth To The Microwave   Robin's Blog   Robin on Twitter: @pamina_q

Nontechnical skills — communication, creativity, and teamwork — are important to career success. Unfortunately, they often aren't well-defined, and we have trouble “teaching” them in a classroom. David Deming of the https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=Malcom+Weiner+Center+on+Social+Policy+at+Harvard&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 (Malcom Wiener Center on Social Policy) at Harvard's Kennedy School of Government has spent several years researching the role noncognitive and nontechnical skills play in workforce success. On this episode of “Hardly Working,” I sat down with Deming to learn more about his career and the impact of job outcomes. He also spoke about the launch and development of the new Harvard Skills Lab and how state and local workforce agencies, training organizations, community colleges, and others can gain access to more information about what works in workforce preparation.      Items mentioned during the podcast: https://www.aei.org/research-products/report/stem-without-fruit-how-noncognitive-skills-improve-workforce-outcomes/ (STEM without fruit: How noncognitive skills improve workforce outcomes) https://www.aeaweb.org/articles?id=10.1257/app.1.3.111 (Early childhood intervention and life-cycle skill development: Evidence from Head Start) https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=Malcom+Weiner+Center+on+Social+Policy+at+Harvard&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 (Malcom Wiener Center on Social Policy) “https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01ARRWPUS/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1 (The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children)” https://www.pw.hks.harvard.edu/ (Harvard Project on Workforce) https://www.pw.hks.harvard.edu/post/skills-lab (Harvard Skills Lab) https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/ddeming/files/deming_socialskills_aug16.pdf (David Deming's 2017 paper on noncognitive skills) https://scholar.harvard.edu/ddeming/publications/team-players-how-social-skills-improve-group-performance (David Deming's 2020 paper on team players) https://hfh.fas.harvard.edu/community-practice (Community of practice webinar) https://twitter.com/profdaviddeming?lang=en (David Deming's Twitter) https://scholar.harvard.edu/ddeming/home (David Deming's personal website)   Scholars mentioned during the podcast: https://sites.google.com/a/umich.edu/susan-dynarski/ (Susan Dynarski) https://scholar.harvard.edu/lkatz/home (Lawrence Katz) https://economics.mit.edu/faculty/dautor (David Autor)  

Published on 26 Nov 2020. Happy Thanksgiving! We will be back next week with brand new episodes, but on a day when so many of us are thinking about love and relationships I wanted to share an episode that has changed the way I think about those topics in a profound way. Alison Gopnik is a professor of psychology and philosophy at the University of California Berkeley. She’s published more than 100 journal articles and half a dozen books, including most recently The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children. She runs a cognitive development and learning lab where she studies how young children come to understand the world around them, and she’s built on that research to do work in AI, to understand how adults form bonds with both children and each other, and to examine what creativity is and how we can nurture it in ourselves and — more importantly — each other.But this conversation isn’t just about kids -- it's about what it means to be human. What makes us feel love for each other. How we can best care for each other. How our minds really work in the formative, earliest days, and what we lose as we get older. The role community is meant to play in our lives.This episode has done more than just change the way I think. It’s changed how I live my life. I hope it can do the same for you.Book recommendations:A Treatise of Human Natureby David HumeAlice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis CarrollThe works of Jean PiagetCredits:Producer/Audio engineer - Jeff GeldResearcher - Roge KarmaPlease consider making a contribution to Vox to support this show: bit.ly/givepodcasts Your support will help us keep having ambitious conversations about big ideas.New to the show? Want to check out Ezra’s favorite episodes? Check out the Ezra Klein Show beginner’s guide (http://bit.ly/EKSbeginhere)Want to contact the show? Reach out at ezrakleinshow@vox.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Countless books, websites, podcasts, and other media exist to guide people raising children. If our Raising Curious Learners co-host Ann could recommend only one book on parenting, it would be The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children. In this episode, the books' author Allison Gopnik, a professor and leader in the field of cognitive science, helps parents and guardians make sense of–and let go of some of the notions they have about–their role in their kids' learning and development. She shares conclusions on childhood development and family dynamics from both her research and her personal experiences as a parent and grandparent.

Podcast: Vox Conversations (LS 75 · TOP 0.05% what is this?)Episode: Best of: Alison Gopnik changed how I think about lovePub date: 2020-11-26Happy Thanksgiving! We will be back next week with brand new episodes, but on a day when so many of us are thinking about love and relationships I wanted to share an episode that has changed the way I think about those topics in a profound way. Alison Gopnik is a professor of psychology and philosophy at the University of California Berkeley. She's published more than 100 journal articles and half a dozen books, including most recently The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children. She runs a cognitive development and learning lab where she studies how young children come to understand the world around them, and she's built on that research to do work in AI, to understand how adults form bonds with both children and each other, and to examine what creativity is and how we can nurture it in ourselves and — more importantly — each other.But this conversation isn't just about kids -- it's about what it means to be human. What makes us feel love for each other. How we can best care for each other. How our minds really work in the formative, earliest days, and what we lose as we get older. The role community is meant to play in our lives.This episode has done more than just change the way I think. It's changed how I live my life. I hope it can do the same for you.Book recommendations:A Treatise of Human Natureby David HumeAlice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis CarrollThe works of Jean PiagetCredits:Producer/Audio engineer - Jeff GeldResearcher - Roge KarmaPlease consider making a contribution to Vox to support this show: bit.ly/givepodcasts Your support will help us keep having ambitious conversations about big ideas.New to the show? Want to check out Ezra's favorite episodes? Check out the Ezra Klein Show beginner's guide (http://bit.ly/EKSbeginhere)Want to contact the show? Reach out at ezrakleinshow@vox.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesThe podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Vox, which is the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Listen Notes, Inc.

Happy Thanksgiving! We will be back next week with brand new episodes, but on a day when so many of us are thinking about love and relationships I wanted to share an episode that has changed the way I think about those topics in a profound way.  Alison Gopnik is a professor of psychology and philosophy at the University of California Berkeley. She’s published more than 100 journal articles and half a dozen books, including most recently The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children. She runs a cognitive development and learning lab where she studies how young children come to understand the world around them, and she’s built on that research to do work in AI, to understand how adults form bonds with both children and each other, and to examine what creativity is and how we can nurture it in ourselves and — more importantly — each other. But this conversation isn’t just about kids -- it's about what it means to be human. What makes us feel love for each other. How we can best care for each other. How our minds really work in the formative, earliest days, and what we lose as we get older. The role community is meant to play in our lives. This episode has done more than just change the way I think. It’s changed how I live my life. I hope it can do the same for you. Book recommendations: A Treatise of Human Natureby David Hume Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll The works of Jean Piaget Credits: Producer/Audio engineer - Jeff Geld Researcher - Roge Karma Please consider making a contribution to Vox to support this show: bit.ly/givepodcasts Your support will help us keep having ambitious conversations about big ideas. New to the show? Want to check out Ezra’s favorite episodes? Check out the Ezra Klein Show beginner’s guide (http://bit.ly/EKSbeginhere) Want to contact the show? Reach out at ezrakleinshow@vox.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Returning to the podcast today is speaker, NY Times bestselling author, coach, and lifelong athlete Brad Kearns. Decades removed from his status as a #3 world-ranked pro triathlete, Brad has now turned his attention to broader fitness goals aligned with healthspan. Always finding new ways to challenge himself, In 2018 Brad broke the Guinness World Record for the fastest single hole of golf ever played, and this year he ranked #1 in the USA and #3 in the world for Masters Track & Field high jump, age 55-59. On this podcast, Brad and I discuss what it takes to preserve competitive intensity throughout life. Brad talks about his current focus on male optimization - the MOFO movement - created for men who don’t want to get old and soft on the sidelines of life. We also recall some of the most informative guests Brad has interviewed on his podcast. Here’s the outline of this interview with Brad Kearns: [00:04:03] Cold exposure. [00:04:03] Brad’s previous NBT podcast: How to Win More by Training Less; Video: Brad’s speed golf world record. [00:05:02] Dr. Steve Jeffs. [00:09:22] Jeff Kendal Weed; YouTube, NBT podcast: How to Create a Career Doing a Sport You Love. [00:13:23] Mark Sisson. [00:15:20] Article: HIIT Versus HIRT by Dr. Craig Marker. [00:18:43] Podcast: Science and Application of High Intensity Interval Training, with Paul Laursen, PhD. [00:20:05] The Get Over Yourself podcast. [00:22:13] Books by Brad Kearns. [00:23:46] Lessons learned from Brad’s podcast guests. [00:24:28] Books by Mark Manson: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, and Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope. On the Get Over Yourself podcast: Mark Manson: The Subtle Art Of Connecting With Your Emotional Brain, Seeing Yourself With Honesty and Vulnerability, And Connecting The Emotional Brain With The Rational Brain. [00:25:48] Peter Attia, on NBT podcast: The Critical Factors of Healthspan and Lifespan; On the Get Over Yourself podcast: Peter Attia: Longevity, Diet, And Finding The Drive. [00:26:15] Rip Esselstyn on the Get Over Yourself podcast: Rip Esselstyn: The Plant Strong Movement, Challenging Your Beliefs, And The Magical Peak Performance State Called “The Feel”. [00:28:58] The inverse power of praise; Article: How Not to Talk to Your Kids, by Po Bronson. [00:29:10] Book: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, by Carol Dweck. [00:29:13] Books by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman: NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, and Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing. [00:32:24] Podcast: Why Most People Never Learn From Their Mistakes - But Some Do, with Simon Marshall, PhD. [00:33:15] Book: The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children, by Alison Gopnik. [00:35:14] Cate Shanahan, MD; Book: The Fatburn Fix: Boost Energy, End Hunger, and Lose Weight by Using Body Fat for Fuel, Get Over Yourself podcast: Dr. Cate Shanahan – The Fatburn Fix. [00:37:49] Book: Two Meals a Day - coming in 2021. [00:38:12] Books by Ben Greenfield: Boundless: Upgrade Your Brain, Optimize Your Body & Defy Aging, and The Christian Gratitude Journal. [00:40:31] NBT Podcast: Ready to Run with Kelly Starrett; Get Over Yourself Podcast: Dr. Kelly Starrett: Mobility King. [00:42:20] Book: Keto for Life: Reset Your Biological Clock in 21 Days and Optimize Your Diet for Longevity, by Mark Sisson and Brad Kearns. [00:44:02] Podcast: Free to Learn: Unleashing the Instinct to Play, with Peter Gray, PhD; Book: Free to Learn. [00:44:23] Katy Bowman. [00:47:23] bradkearns.com; MOFO mission. [00:48:20] Free ebook: Becoming a Modern Day Mofo. [00:48:50] Brad’s nutbutter.

Megan Maas, PhD, is an assistant professor in Human Development and Family Studies. Her work sits at the intersection of sexual violence prevention and sexual health promotion. Her award-winning research, recognized by the American Psychological Association, focuses on adolescent sexual socialization, with an emphasis on the bi-directional role that social media, sexting, and online pornography play in the development of attitudes and behaviour related to sexuality and gender. For the last 10 years, she has been invited to talk on this subject for audiences of students, parents, and teachers at universities and organizations across the US.  On this podcast, Dr Maas discusses the allure of pornography and its impact on relationships and young people. She talks about gender differences with regard to how pornography is perceived and research that suggests it has become a popular medium for both men and women. She discusses the societal influences that cause many people to associate danger with romance, morality and ethics in the porn industry, and how best to talk to your children about sex and sexual imagery on the Internet. Here’s the outline of this interview with Megan Maas: [00:01:32] Megan's background. [00:04:04] The allure of pornography. [00:05:57] Book: Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships, by Christopher Ryan; Podcast: Civilized to Death: Are We Really Making Progress? [00:07:51] Anthropologist Helen Fisher. [00:09:46] The history of porn. [00:14:19] The role of erotic literature; Book: 50 Shades of Grey, by E.L. James. [00:15:00] Audio porn: women aroused by sound. [00:16:13] Women’s arousal not limited by gender; Study: Chivers, Meredith L., Michael C. Seto, and Ray Blanchard. "Gender and sexual orientation differences in sexual response to sexual activities versus gender of actors in sexual films." Journal of personality and social psychology 93.6 (2007): 1108. [00:17:17] Women enjoy gay male pornography; Paper: Neville, Lucy. "Male gays in the female gaze: Women who watch m/m pornography." Porn Studies 2.2-3 (2015): 192-207. [00:17:40] Coolidge effect; Studied in humans: Hughes, Susan M., et al. "Experimental Evidence for Sex Differences in Sexual Variety Preferences: Support for the Coolidge Effect in Humans." Archives of Sexual Behavior (2020). [00:19:32] Women are as likely to cheat as men, especially when ovulating; Studies: 1. Mark, Kristen P., Erick Janssen, and Robin R. Milhausen. "Infidelity in heterosexual couples: Demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex." Archives of sexual behavior 40.5 (2011): 971-982; 2.  Haselton, Martie G., and Steven W. Gangestad. "Conditional expression of women's desires and men's mate guarding across the ovulatory cycle." Hormones and behavior 49.4 (2006): 509-518. [00:20:41] Egg may have a preference for a particular sperm; Study: Fitzpatrick, John L., et al. "Chemical signals from eggs facilitate cryptic female choice in humans." Proceedings of the Royal Society B 287.1928 (2020): 20200805. [00:21:19] Oral birth control can affect who you’re attracted to; Study: Roberts, S. Craig, et al. "Relationship satisfaction and outcome in women who meet their partner while using oral contraception." Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences 279.1732 (2012): 1430-1436. [00:22:14] Romance has become associated with drama and danger; Megan’s Huffington Post article, 'Boys Will Be Boys': The Lie That Keeps It All Going; Blog post: Love hurts: What we learn from Beauty & the Beast, Twilight, and Fifty Shades of Grey; [00:24:49] Sex education. [00:29:55] How porn affects relationships - is it improving things or hurting? [00:32:17] Simon Marshall, PhD; Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Books by Russ Harris. [00:32:35] Morality and ethics in the porn industry. [00:37:39] Megan’s TED Talk: How the Evolution of Porn Changed Adolescence | Megan Maas | TEDxMSU; Interview with Megan on YouTube.  [00:39:58] Book: The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children, by Alison Gopnik. [00:40:54] Advice for parents. [00:43:25] Podcast: How to Live Well in a High Tech World, with Cal Newport. [00:43:47] Podcasts with Ashley Mason: 1. Paleo Psychology with Ashley Mason PhD, Mindfulness and Cognitive; 2.  Behavioral Strategies for Diabetes and Sleep Problems; 3. How to Use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia. [00:45:59] Talking to kids about sex. [00:46:27] Books Megan recommends. [00:47:23] Book: Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids, by Kristen Jenson. [00:49:02] E-book: Talking with Kids about...Porn: A Guide.  [00:54:07] People who are more religious use more porn; Study: Whitehead, Andrew L., and Samuel L. Perry. "Unbuckling the Bible belt: A state-level analysis of religious factors and Google searches for porn." The Journal of Sex Research 55.3 (2018): 273-283. [00:54:54] Book: The Scientist in the Crib: What Early Learning Tells Us About the Mind, by Alison Gopnik. [01:00:20] Sam Harris Podcast: #213 - The Worst Epidemic. [01:07:56] Megan’s website: meganmaas.com.

A mini-podcast reviewing The Gardener & The Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parent & Child.

Back on the podcast today is our favourite neurologist, writer, podcaster, speaker and banjo player, Josh Turknett, MD. Josh’s many current projects include his Brainjo neuroscience-based educational courses, the Intelligence Unshackled podcast, and his virtual neurology practice.  He has recently authored two new books, Keto for Migraine and The Laws of Brainjo, with more on the way later this year.  On this podcast, Josh talks about his working theory of cognitive decline and how to best avoid it. He calls it the Demand Driven Decline Theory and explains why we need to build up our brain’s ability to repair and recover while also mitigating cognitive damage. Josh shares the best strategies to do this, and it’s simpler (and more fun) than you think.  Here’s the outline of this interview with Josh Turknett: [00:00:33] Previous podcast with Josh on unschooling: How to Support Childhood Cognitive Development. [00:00:44] Masters of Scale Podcast; episode with Nancy Lublin from the Crisis Text Line. [00:02:20] Supporting cognitive function as we age. [00:02:31] Podcast: The Postmenopausal Longevity Paradox and the Evolutionary Advantage of Our Grandmothering Life History, with Kristen Hawkes. [00:08:52] Modern hunter-gatherers and cognitive decline. [00:11:26] Podcast: How to Win at Angry Birds: The Ancestral Paradigm for a Therapeutic Revolution, with Josh Turknett, 4-quadrant model. [00:13:20] Cognitive activity protective against neurodegenerative disease; The nun study: Iacono, D., et al. "The Nun study: clinically silent AD, neuronal hypertrophy, and linguistic skills in early life." Neurology 73.9 (2009): 665-673. [00:15:19] Cognitive reserve. [00:16:03] Rats in enriched environments have structurally superior brains; Study: Torasdotter, Marita, et al. "Environmental enrichment results in higher levels of nerve growth factor mRNA in the rat visual cortex and hippocampus." Behavioural brain research 93.1-2 (1998): 83-90. [00:16:40] Auditory training program with rats reversed over 20 auditory processing deficits in the adult brain; Study: de Villers-Sidani, Etienne, et al. "Recovery of functional and structural age-related changes in the rat primary auditory cortex with operant training." Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 107.31 (2010): 13900-13905. [00:17:21] Intelligence Unshackled Podcast: Pioneer of Plasticity Dr. Michael Merzenich. [00:22:54] Maintaining cognitive activity as a predictor of physical activity; Study: Cheval, Boris, et al. "Relationship between decline in cognitive resources and physical activity." Health Psychology (2020). [00:25:29] Demand-driven decline theory. [00:26:20] Retiring earlier associated with higher mortality; Study: Wu, Chenkai, et al. "Association of retirement age with mortality: a population-based longitudinal study among older adults in the USA." J Epidemiol Community Health 70.9 (2016): 917-923. [00:27:00] “Widowhood effect” - 66% increased chance of death in the first three months after your spouse dies. Study: Moon, J. Robin, et al. "Short-and long-term associations between widowhood and mortality in the United States: longitudinal analyses." Journal of public health 36.3 (2014): 382-389. [00:29:56] The "better off dead" rule.  [00:32:32] Why the young are protected from cognitive decline: early demands on the nervous system. [00:37:57] How schools may undermine cognitive development. [00:40:03] What to do: recreate the demands on the nervous system of youth. [00:45:06] Book: The Laws of Brainjo: The Art & Science of Molding a Musical Mind, by Josh Turknett. [00:48:19] Teaching children - what should learning look like? [00:54:15] Book: The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children, by Alison Gopnik. [00:56:34] jturk.net. [00:56:45] Derek Sivers. [00:57:27] Transitioning to a virtual clinic.

So many conversations (important ones of course) about COVID 19. But it is crucial to take a break. Maybe to have a conversation about redefining some rules and believes we live by? In this episode bring you Dr. Lyons – she is the Director of Family Programs a Wright Foundation and her mission is to redefine how we think and see motherhood. What are the myths about being a mother that we need to revisit based on our changing society, they way we live and woman’s needs today? Do we need to have kids to be mothers? What is mothering… Enjoy and stay healthy. Dr. Lyons website: https://www.drgertrudelyons.com Dr. Lyons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drgertrudelyons/ Wright Foundation: https://wrightfoundation.org “Parenting inside Out” by  Daniel J. Siegel https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Inside-Out-Self-Understanding-Anniversary/dp/039916510X “Children : the challenge” by Rudolf Dreikurs https://www.amazon.com/Children-challenge-Rudolf-Dreikurs-Vicki/dp/B000TSPCTC/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=Children+the+challenge&qid=1585250334&s=books&sr=1-5 “The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children” by Alison Gopnik  https://www.amazon.com/Gardener-Carpenter-Development-Relationship-Children/dp/B01IDXYWOK/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_2?keywords=The+carpenter+and+the+gardenr”&qid=1585250368&s=books&sr=1-2-fkmr1 “The Heart of the Fight: A Couple's Guide to Fifteen Common Fights, What They Really Mean, and How They Can Bring You Closer” by Judith Wright EdD https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Fight-Couples-Fifteen-Common/dp/1626252572 “Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships” by David Schnarch PhDhttps://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279 --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/inthegoodcompany/support

You might sometimes wonder if it’s nature or nurture driving the differences between people. For example, why are some of us extroverts and others introverts? Why are some children risk-takers while others are more inhibited? Well, it turns out that both nature and nurture are important! The nature part of the equation is sometimes overlooked, but our biological temperament plays an important role in the kind of person we become. In this episode, Debbie and Yael discuss Childhood Temperament, the topic of Debbie’s dissertation research at Harvard. They delve into some longitudinal research on the temperamental underpinnings of shyness and behavioral inhibition. They also discuss the clinical implications of individual differences in emotional reactivity, and the personality constructs of introversion and extroversion. Listen and Learn: How “high-reactive” infants differ from “low-reactive” infants How early reactivity correlates with behavioral inhibition and shyness later in childhood Why Attachment research may leave out some important information The importance of “goodness of fit” between parents and their children Whether you a “carpenter” or a “gardener” as a parent parent What introversion and extroversion really means and how to appreciate your personality style Resources: The APA’s list of Eminent Psychologists of the 20th Century Brief Video Showing Kagan’s Temperament Study with Infants Books by Kagan on Temperament: Galen’s Prophecy: Temperament in Human Nature by Jerome Kagan The Long Shadow of Temperament by Jerome Kagan and Nancy Snidman The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain __________________________ Thank you for joining us on this episode of Psychologists Off The Clock. We appreciate your feedback. Please take a moment to leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcasts. It helps us spread the word to more folks like you! Subscribe for free where you listen to podcasts! Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Deezer, iHeartRadio

The word "parenting" first appeared in the late 1950's. Developmental psychologist Alison Gopnik maintains that parenting is a bad idea. Parent is a noun, not a verb. This has important implications for leaders who want to help others be their best. Show Notes: Alison Gopnik's Advice to Parents: Stop Parenting! by Peter Gray, Ph.D., Psychology Today. What Kind Of Parent Are You: Carpenter Or Gardener? by Sasha Ingber, NPR The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik 'Free Range' Parenting's Unfair Double Standard by Jessica McCrory Calarco, The Atlantic --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

ALISON GOPNIK (https://www.edge.org/memberbio/alison_gopnik) is a developmental psychologist at UC Berkeley. Her books include The Philosophical Baby and, most recently, The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children. The Conversation: https://www.edge.org/conversation/alison_gopnik-a-separate-kind-of-intelligence

Before we get into today's episode I want to talk about you. I want to talk about your life, the way you show up in how you live, love, play, work, mother, and parent. Are you happy? Do you feel like you are thriving? Do you feel successful? Do you feel proud of yourself, of the way you raise your family and show up in your life? Do you feel good in your body, with your energy levels, with how you organize your day? Or do you feel like a panting dog most days, like you are running around and around in circles and never having enough time to finish anything? Does this sound familiar? Do you feel endless exhaustion, moodiness, hormonal, in all sorts of pain, looking at yourself in the mirror with disgust and shame, having a flakey hair, flaky skin, disconnected from yourself? Feeling chronically unappreciated, lonely, constantly yelling, and never feeling like you have enough. Do you feel like all you do is survive the day instead of thriving in your days? The only reason I bring this up is because I have been that woman not long ago. For the most part, I had everything I needed - I had the house, the marriage, kids, my work but something was missing. The missing piece was me. I wasn't present. I was doing all the things, showing up for the logistics but going to bed feeling depleted. Admitting this wasn't easy, I had to be willing to be uber honest with myself and say out loud that, slowly, I was wasting my life away. The questions to ask here is when? When will you wake up and decide that it's time for a change? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. When will you decide that it's time to take care of you? When is it time to give yourself what you've been giving to others all this time? I want you to know that it is possible to change your current reality if you feel like you are not living up to your potential. If you feel like you are wasting your life, Like I did. But where do you start? Here's an amazing exercise for you to do at home or once you have some time for yourself. Start by writing out what it is that you really want, or would be nice to have. Do this exercise even if it feels like you are fooling yourself or wasting time doing it. Do it anyway! This is your doorway to seeing what's possible. Because If you can write it, it can be achieved. Period. Then I want you to reach out to me and share with me what you've come up with. I want to invite you to chat with me, and share with me what is it that you need right now in order to feel good. What is it that you need but don't dare to admit to anyone, not even to yourself? I work with women and mothers who are ready to step out of their own way, define what it is that they need, voice it loud and clear and then create the reality they want for themselves. In order for this to happen you need to have the mindset down, your health in check, you need to learn how to organize your life around your fluctuating hormones so that you can rip the maximum of each day. This is super important if you are a busy mom who doesn't have time to waste. Whether you're running a business, organizing an event, getting ready for an important speech that has the potential to change your entire career, or even if you are raising small kids, juggling a million things all at once, you need to learn how to move through life in a female body, embodying femininity, sexuality, sensuality, mastering how to regulate your big and scary emotions. The truth is that we are not men and it is absurd, in my opinion, that we try to move through life like men and then feel like shit. This is because we are women, and women do life differently. So I encourage you to do this exercise and then reach out to me and we can chat about what it is that you need and how I can help you have more of what you want by doing less work and hustle. You can reach me at dorit@healthbeginswithmom.com Alright, so this ties beautifully with today's topic. Today we are talking about respect and peacefulness in parenting, and you and I know that it all has to start from within. We cannot respect other people unless we respect ourselves, respectful parenting begins with the inner work. As a parent, you know that having children is one thing. Enjoying the process of raising them is another. Raising confident, resilient, self-reliant, independent, resourceful, explorative, children with a growth mindset is a completely different ballgame. It requires intention, time investment, being present, and resourcefulness on our part as well. This is not an easy task nowadays where we have a million things pulling at us in different directions. We have our fulltime jobs, careers, activities, food planning and food prep, dishes, laundry, household stuff, kids school, driving them to and from, your marriage, friends & family, holidays, and so on. No wonder why so many of us, women and moms, are feeling like we are constantly out of balance, or searching for balance every single day. The shiny object syndrome is alluding us to sometimes neglect, unintentionally, of course, the things that matter the most - enjoying your own life and the life, or lives, you've created. We all want what's best for our kids. I think the vast majority of parents want to do a good job, most of us want to raise people we need more of in this world and not the opposite. I think the best approach to this would be realizing that raising kids will trigger you, it will bring up a lot of gunk from your past, things you haven't dealt with yet, and in a sense viewing parenting as an opportunity for personal growth and your kids as your teachers, or gurus One website I really enjoy and is super helpful for me is The Parenting Junkie. Here's a little piece from the website:  If you believe that parenting is a journey of transformational growth – for the parent, more than for the child.If you believe there are no bad children, only children who are having a hard time.If you believe no matter what situation you’re in – empathy will help.If you believe that good parenting means striving for connection.If you believe that connected parenting does not come naturally, but demands intense levels of commitment and deliberate practice. Well, then my friend, you and I are already best buds. Today on the show I am chatting with Avital Schreiber, the creator of The Parenting Junkie, who is a mindful parenting coach and imperfect Mom to three little-spirited gurus. Avital's work is dedicated to helping parents to Love Parenting and to Parent from Love. The Parenting Junkie publishes weekly videos designed to inspire, inform and uplift and runs courses and memberships dedicated to prioritizing Play, Presence, and Peace in our and our children's lives. A HuffPost contributor, with an audience in all four corners of the globe, her work is endorsed and recommended by the leaders in the Parenting space, Dr. Shefali Tsabary, and Dr. Laura Markham. Here's what we cover on the show Why is it important to respect our children? How to apply the respectful and peaceful parenting approach with regards to food and mealtime? The Gardner and the Carpenter approach to raising children. How is it that our children are our teachers? What are we learning from them? Conscious feeding and feeding children with patience, love, good sense. Feeling in control over your buying power with regards to food The atmosphere we create when we eat and empowering kids to enjoy mealtime The division of responsibility in feeding Kids want to thrive and succeed, how we can tap into their inner wisdom Prioritizing play as the pillar of childhood Benefits of boredom and doing nothing Show Notes theparentingjunkie.com The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik  Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense, Revised and Updated Edition by Ellyn Satter Experts mentioned: Dr. Peter Grey, Alfie Kohn, Ken Robinson, Dr. Shefali Tsabari, Dr. Dan Siegel The Division of Responsibility  Present Play Membership Community 

 Young children often seem especially creative and imaginative. But can we prove that scientifically? And what is it about children’s minds and brains that makes them so imaginative? Alison Gopnik, pioneering developmental psychologist and philosopher and author of the new book, The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children, discusses her cutting-edge scientific research into how children learn and how thinking like a child can make adults more creative too.For photos from the program, click here. 

Alison Gopnik is a professor of psychology and affiliate professor of philosophy at the University of California, Berkeley. Her writing on psychology and cognitive science has appeared in Science, The Times Literary Supplement, The New York Review of Books, The New York Times, New Scientist, Slate and The Atlantic. Her body of work also includes four books and over 100 journal articles. She has frequently appeared on TV and radio including The Charlie Rose Show and The Colbert Report. Her newest book is The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children. Professor Gopnik was in the Northwest to speak at Town Hall Seattle, presented by Town Hall and Elliott Bay Book Company, as part of the Civics series.

For those of us that are parents, or grandparents, we are told over and over that parenting is the most important job we will ever have.   The assumption is that if we buy Baby Einstein, enroll our kids in the best preschool, (sometimes costing as much as college)  provide just the right mix of extracurricular activity and teachers and pour in the right measure of self esteem, we will turn out, as if from a factory, the perfect child. One ready to take on the challenges and leadership of their world and one that will continue to be a part of the parenting/industrial complex But is any of this true?  What do children, with all their curiosity, really need?  Do they need to be moulded, sculpted, or do they simply need room to grown and with lots of love as the fertilizer? These are the questions that Alison Gopnik has been asking for years and now she bring all of this together in her newest work The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children. My conversation with Alison Gopnik: