Podcasts about hahah

Andrew turned 21 a full month ago HAHAH and Ashley went ghost hunting in Indiana with sam and colby & the try guys??? idk wtf Watch the video version on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@beautifultwinsisterspod Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/beautifultwinsisters and TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beautifultwinsisterspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dubai-Schokolade war 2024 in aller Munde – und das wortwörtlich. Öffnete man im vergangenen Jahr TikTok oder Instagram sah man die mit Pistaziencreme gefüllte Schokolade früher oder später. Aber wie kam es zu dem Hype?Dieser Frage gehen wir in der 33. Folge von Marketing-GeschichteN nach. Wir schauen uns verschiedene Social-Media-Marketing-Phänomene an und stellen uns die Frage: Ist der Hype schon wieder vorbei? Jetzt reinhören und in diese süße Marketing-Geschichte eintauchen!

Support us on Patreon for BONUS episodes each month & other perks: https://www.patreon.com/thesavegpodcast We are back with our regular programming- did you miss us? Hahah. We kick off discussing an issue close to home- Calgary saw a main water pipe burst causing the city to be in city wide water restrictions- and the situation is still ongoing. The recent Netflix documentary Dancing For The Devil- faces some backlash. US Surgeon general calls for warnings on social media platforms- do you think this will curb behaviours? Ironically the US Supreme court rejects a challenge to providing abortion pill from anti-abortion groups. Justin Timberlake pulled over for alleged drunk driving. And MDMA Therapy for PTSD has been rejected by an FDA panel- final decision coming August 11, 2024. Hope you enjoyed the episode! Rose's upcoming Trips: TURKEY (Sept 13-19) - https://bit.ly/veganinturkey GREECE (Sept 20-26) - https://bit.ly/veganingreece BALI (October 14-20) - https://bit.ly/veganinbali2 LISTEN TO THE SAVEG PODCAST - https://linktr.ee/thesavegpodcast

Billie, Charli xcx, Taylor Swift -- HELP! This is a not-so-minisode, and for that we say, "You're welcome!" Hahah, just kidding. But we did have a lot of thoughts on this subject. Also, since then, Charli has gone on the record to say no song is about anyone, the record is just a general thought about the music industry, but this was recorded before that, so *shrug emoji*! We love 'em all!!

OH! Oh. Oh. Do we have a chat for you! We nerd out over gut health, microbiomes, poop, gut bugs, mental health, fiber, pre & pro- biotic! Does that not sound incredible?!?! Seriously though, this episode is incredible informational about something that us regular human beings trying to just be healthy and get through life happily (not within the medical field) don't really know about! Do you know what a pre-biotic really is?? Exactly. We dive into all of it, and we promise it will be fun and makes sense at the same time, we definitely get nerdy about it….and by we, we mean Victoria. Most info can be found in the Netflix Documentary listed below as well as some really great article reads, so check them out and change your life! Hahah no, but really. Do it.—————Real Tip of the Day: Be Mindful!Give yourself a few meals this week to be exceptionally mindful about. Take it in, take some time, and then take notes on how you feel. It's as simple as that.Lets make it EXTRA! Learn More About Your Stomachly!Watch the Documentary on Netflix - Hack Your Health: The Secrets of Your Gut————If you want to workout with us, at home or in person, check us out www.CFITfitness.com We would love to have you join the CFIT Community :)Follow us for updates, inspiration, and ridiculousness!Instagram: @fittoberealpodcast Instagram/Facebook/Tik Tok @cfitfitness Email us! FITtobeRealPodcast@gmail.comReferences:Hack Your Health: Netflix DocumentaryGut-Brain Connection: ZOE29 High-Fiber Food List: ZOE

Hey toots! Happy New Week!  This week, we're joined by Jessica, JJ, Miss - it's all one person - our sister! Hahah!   We chat about life with 3 jobs and 3 kids - and I share the 6 clares of Intuition 101 which include Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, Clairsentience, Clairalience, Clairgustance, Claircognizance.  Keep May 18th in mind when listening and see why!   Please reach out if you are under the weight of life's challenges or feel free to book a session. My calendar is now open!   Jenny-McKinney.com Big hugs, high kicks and loud laughing!  :)   

Follow me on Instagram @dannycavs4 and Facebook @Danny Cavallaro - Do you even know me? Hahah! But seriously! Let's drop the fitness talk for a little bit and let's get to know each other :)

DER ER SPECIAL?? DER ER SPECIAL??Jeg har lige haft en weekend, hvor jeg har været meget meget rigtig meget offline, men nu er vi tilbage med vores tradition - som er mig der tager en snak med Fredrik Dirks Gottlieb om Love is Blind sæson 6. Når det er tredje gang noget sker, så er det en tradition - lige som vi fik 3 skænderier (i hvert fald) mellem Jimmy og Chelsea denne sæson. Vi vender også reunion. Og taler om Trevor, Clay - og Gigis partner, som ingen kender - men det gør jeg (og jeg ved et par andre lyttere også). Frederik har igen nogle ord med, der er en øjenåbner for mig. Og det er altid rart at tale med ham om alt faktisk. I gamle dage, da jeg ikke kendte ham, men bare hørte hans podcasts, havde jeg et lille crush på ham. Hahah. Det har jeg aldrig fortalt ham. Måske han så læser det her:) Frederik jeg vil gå igennem alle pods med dig. Tak fordi du ville være med. Og tak til dig der lytter med - uden dig ingen podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

on todays show we dive in to more of the major league as well as some wrestling talk and I start looking some on the NCAA football season (they won't like this)

Join in on the conversation as it starts with MFM AKA Marc Frank Montoya talking about shooting snowboarding in Alaska.  The conversation continue's on with us discussing plan's for the MFM interview.  Marco did not want some 6 hour interview that was just to hard to digest but he had lots to share with the snowboard community.  Not just his story as a pro but also his story beyond snowboarding for a living and preparing for what would be next.  So join us as we plan out what we will do with MFM on the Stonie's Buds Show.  If you have been living in a cave for the last 15 years and don't know who MFM is then take this as an opportunity to be enlightened.  MFM was the best thing to happen to snowboarding well, since snowboarding.  Hahah, as Marc used to always say Forlido as in For real Though...  just sit back and enjoy!!!!E-Stone -  @Stonies_Buds  Marc Frank Montoya- @marcfrankmontoyaTina Basich- @tina_basich_hallerwww.marcfrankmontoya.comBe sure to Subscribe to our channel on YouTube too https://www.youtube.com/@StoniesBudsand hit that like button!Thanks to all of our Patreon members for the support as well as being a part of the Stonie's Buds Family!!!  For more information on Patreon check it out here. https://www.patreon.com/StoniesBudsNew Stonie's Buds Merch at www.stoniesbuds.comSpecial Thanks--Moonchild- https://moonchildsnowboards.comGnomie Mugz - https://gnomiemugz.comStonie Budz Print Shop - https://307o96449135872.3dcartstores.comFart Boyz- https://fartboyz.comSupport the show

No room for error No passing judgement That one went faster I better run for cover Well-warrior, not a fighter— I'll fight to the death for ever after She said “I've never been happier” A paraphrase, actually What a celebrity All I asked was for protection The fame and wealth can wait, j guess A well warrior, never a fighter Well, As long as I'm healthy Been thinking of traveling That might be worth it I've never been so frightened, I think But always been selfish Hold on, I gotta run to another dimension I left my stomach on ice I've been eating my eyes out My son is in prison Ex husband, a fighter The wifebeating's genetic I'm just multidimensional Now the demon's behind me Over my right shoulder I took my own crucifix Like I lifted the boulder I told you I could bury my credits With the devil “You have no power here! “ If madonna's the good witch Then what of Beyoncé I took my sacrifice down to the alter. What did you want The coughs to stop haunting you What did you ask? I just asked for protection But I've been surrounded by demons Wife waters and cheating husbands Not a shaman, Just another lost one I put some miles on these runners— I clocked in 20 of em since the sabbath Give or take Or give Or take Or I'm not doing my job If Shazam isn't on I'm not doing my job If I never show up Just to run And the show must go on But if I want to try Juliard I have to work harder I have to hope for alone I had to apologize to my body I got depressed when my son went back to his father Back to alaska Where it all started —I still think about Jimmy Fallon when I'm holding a fart in. What do you cal that? A comic relief. (Or a con man) Sorry, I got off track When I got what I wanted I bought it all back at the pawn shop Just from a deposit On a long haul I'm the wrong one to fuck with By a long shot Fuck it, When I walk off, The show starts And after, An encore (Of four of em) My DJ brain's back on I gotta get to work I gotta get a job I gotta learn to twerk I should smoke more I gotta show em what I've got Never—ever tell God you're bored. GOD What's that?! NOTHIN SUNNI BLU Somebody tell these hoodlums crocs ain't shoes! I see you stomping through the ghetto With some slippers on In a rain storm What the fuck is going on Trash on the floor Your asses are done FORE! (Meanwhile, at some golf course The landlords are making sure If there are more of us, We're all dumb) I'm only suicidal When the lights are on I'm only suicidal When the night is gone It's back to morning Busses full of strangers On their cellulars I pray to God To stop the coughs She must be deaf or something GOD What. Or it's just Illuminati Gotta run to even be a thought I've been forgotten in the dust I never ever had a brother Like the one I've got (The sun I'm under) I'll never ever cry under the moon, I promise I'll never wonder if he's coming soon The answer was never But I used to wonder I used to have friends They used me I got used to being humiliated I got used to being inhuman Negative—negative. I guess it's back to deadmau5 24 hours a day I'll never sleep again But that was a vacation for the ages I got on a plane, went to bed And never got up —we didn't get far from the ground There's no room for error. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* THE WORLDENDERZ are a secret band of superheroes—their secret identities include the various roles on the overnight shift at a popular chain of super-gyms, Las Vegas Athletic Club— “The Night Shift “ A miniseries The Night Shift is a mockumentary style miniseries which follows the secret identities of a band of superheroes in their day-to-day working the graveyard shift at LVAC; before forming The a world Enders, they comedicly attempt to mask using their multi dimensional and extraterrestrial superpowers, each unknowing that they are all respectively some of the most powerful beings in the universe, however, after SUPACREE is spotted by a mole from one of the various agencies tracking her, a plan is hatched to turn the unwittingly suspicious and mysterious strangers into an intergalactic multidimensional task force, forming the WORLDENDERS. It's WORLDENDERZ. Yeah, that's what I said. With a Z. No, that's stupid. YEAH IT IS. DO IT. Alright— WORLDENDERZ The World Enders are an elite task force of super-powered extraterrestrial hybrids developed to aid in post-apocalyptic recovery and planetary regeneration after imminent doom in other worlds as well as parallel realms and realities. They all share a multitude of each other's powers, some carrying variations of respective powers and abilities, which include telepathy, invisibility, teleportation, invisibility, and super speed/strength, but also each have a set of specific special abilities unique to their individual selves. All gifted shapeshifters, they use these skills to cloak their true hidden talents and ulterior motives—though no players intention ever goes against the grain of the greater good. MELLO Gift of gab. A demon slayer and chaos magician, who uses her bubbly personality and friendly demeanor to mask her dangerous and destructive rage—which actually summons previously-slayed demons, to use against the enemy in attack. Special Ability/Secret Power: The Power of Jesus Christ. THE ORANGE JULIUS Turns junk food into nuclear energy; sometimes glows (bright neon orange) in the dark—he also makes incredible smoothies, which, if consumed, transmits some of his nuclear power to its consumer. UNC A demon slayer, who uses his shape shifting ability to appear in his 20s, but is actually 75. QUASIMODO Brings inanimate objects made from planetary or organic materials into living form, usually used for repopulating planets where a mass extinction has occurred. DOCTOR OSBORNE Doctor Osborne is paying off his medical school debt by secretly working a night job across town at a nearby gymnasium—he spends his other 16 hours as a brain surgeon, using his superpowers to save lives by performing miracles during operations in which the survival rate are slim to none; this accounts for his beyond tired and lackluster behavior during his time at the gym—however his certain onset narcolepsy is often a conviniéndote key to success in many of the world Enders missions. ORION “A real nigga” A world builder and extremely gifted seer with immense telepathic and telekinetic capabilities. Copyright [The Festival Project] 2022 C.C.S. Monroe AKLA, Inc. Everyone Is At The Event, Where Everything Happened. She broke everything in my house. Everything? Ev-er-y-thing. Hah, I broke all of his stuff. All of it? Everything, dude. Hehe. All of it. No, Like--Literally, Everyone, Ever. What did you do to this girl? _ EXCEPT… I don't get it. She hates Dillon Francis. She does— hate Dillon Francis. So why would she go to this? [They enter simultaneously.] YOU! YOU! [They charge.] EH. [She-- —- I don't get it, how do I write about magic? I don't know, just say what it looks like--- Cut To: Staring at Skrillex. [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “The World Builders” [Staring at Skrillex.] [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “Think about it; What would you do that would leave a profound effect on Skrillex. I've...been...trying to figure that out, maybe. Pi. Look, it's S U P A C R E E. Oh shit, these are DIRECTIONS. To WHERE, tho? Dude, I have something to tell you. What. It's bad. Why, what happened? It's... look, no one else can know about it, okay? Okay... Oh shit, she's a Trance artist now? Trance? I don't know how to make trance. This one time, I held my breath meditating to it, and I just-- Just what? —- That's it. It just ended. What? Yeaaauhh dude. I don't fuck with Skrillex. For a lot of reasons. … I think I might be a writer. Oh no. She's a writer. Oh, no. Oh, NO. I am not touching that with a $10,000 dollar paycheck! $!0,000--what the fuck am I gonna go with $10,000? ($10,000 is the rich people equivalent of $10) Yo. Poor people will do just about anything for $10. What? No, they won't. Yes they will--hey--watch this. Hey! [guy looks] I'll give you $10 to hop across the street on 1 foot. D1- He just does it See. D2- Does it, gets hit by a bus. See. That guy died. For $10. D3- Does it, gets hit by a bus; but is S U P A C R E E and resurrects instantly, then comes back for vengeance, capturing 2 more. What, she has their souls? Hearts and Souls. Goddamn. (Literally) Well, I told you Jesus quit, right--? Yeah, he's...he left. So you swim into port that has a boat. A boat-- Then you get on the boat. Get on the boat. That boat is going to take you to another boat. Okay, another boat. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS ANOTHER BOAT. YOU DIDN'T”T TELL ME THE FIRST ONE HAD TO SINK, TO BOARD IT. Oh, yeah, well--duh. So then--on the second boat-- Well, it's more like a really big Ferry (It's a monstrous cruise ship) Yeah, that shit made groove cruise look like...what the poor people equivalent of groove cruise? There is no “poor people equivalent” Well then--how do poor people rave on boats? They don't. That doesn't seem fair. Yeah--where's the equality? There's no such thing as equality in poverty! Actually-- HAH. THEY CALL IT “GOD'S COUNTRY” I'm not taking responsibility for this. I didn't do this. “IN GOD WE TRUST” NO, that just means; the trust is empty. It's empty. This...this used to be a reservoir. It still is...a reservoir. Of water. Oh. It's a “Christian Nation?” Christian? What's a Christian? It's-- NO. Jesus, listen. NO. YOU LISTEN: FUCK. THAT. FUCKTHAT. Oh, he was mad. He was pretty mad. He still is, mad. He is, pretty mad. Dad, what happened? It doesn't matter, it just had to happen. Why did it ‘have' to happen? If you have even to ask; I don't have an answer. Ogh, dude. I know. It's almost time to go back to work. I know. Oh, my God. I know. How long have we been in this Void--it's so random. [The whole #SQUAD is on Watch.] Hm. What is this? [A look] Can I have some? [Another look.] I like it. I want it. [The Look.] I'mma try it out. OK. __ Ask Him! He knows! How to get to Skrillex? (still censored) Yes--you know. He knows. You know, right? I don't know. What? I--? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (It didn't happen.) Fuck. NO dude, I found it--I just don't remember how… Do you remember when? Ah, I remember my first Skrillex. I don't. Oh My God dude. Flip Flops? Yes, my feet are killing me. Skrillex is in 10 minutes. Actually, 9. The Hotel is 7 minutes away.; The car is parked in Valet; If we leave now, we can make it back by the time it starts, I swear. You SWEAR? __ Ooh...Beyonce...I like her. We all like her. Give her something nice. Nice. Very nice. Very nice. What do you want her to dress as? Oh her? ...she can come as herself. [the next part] Yo FUCK the Met Gala; I'm going to THIS shit. What? You were invited? I want to be invited! How did you get an invite? ((Oh, you can't write that)) Damn right I won't. Lol, she had her dress as Beyonce. That's cold. She stole Umbrella! She stole it first! It wasn't even written for her--! It wasn't written for anybo-- Actually, it was written for ME. Oh yeah, huh. Why does this song have 32 writers on it? What the fuuuuckkk... What. We have Skrillex. Skrillex. How did you get a Skrillex? Just--Skrillex. “Just Skrillex”? The Original. Oh, shit. The Original Skrillex. Like, the first one? First one ever. Where the fuck is my Skrillex? I didn't take it. STFU “didn't take it”--Where the fuck is my Skrillex? Oh what--Skrillex? We have Skrillex! You do? Of course we do! It's paradise. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. If that man sits at a piano, I will pass out... Oh wow, he plays piano...hmm. I will faint. How did he DO this? This Volcano emits *this* frequency. Ah, try this-- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites. Oh. I know this one. Do you? Yeah! Bruh. I'm about to take a lot of drugs right now; I'm just calling to tell you that I love you. What happened? Nothing happened. I'm just like this now. What's that? Nothing! What is it? Nothing! It's Skrillex, isn't it. I don't get how he DID this. Someone give this man an honorary doctorate. Think about it like this; if all this is happening to you, and you have-- --No Grammys-- --and he's got-- --Eight Grammys. Eighth Grammys, really? Damn, what the fuck. I know, right? Right. So. If he has eight Grammys--and you have none-- --zero Grammys-- --and you're experiencing this right now-- Damn, what the fuck happened to him? She shat in my Grammys. What! All Eight of Them? YES. I didn't shit in his Grammys. You didn't? NO! Well, that's good, because-- I hired other people to shit in his Grammys. What? Best $80 I ever spent. Why are we terrorizing Skrillex? He started it. He did start it. See, this is why I like him--he doesn't ask questions. What? You hired 8 different people to shit in his Grammys. Yeah! Dude, that is disgusting! Dude. You hired three different photographers to take professional photoshoots of my dick. Look; These were all done on location; we went to Catalina...it was kind of cold though-- WHAT THE FUCK. Dude, this is like 9 lawsuits. Well, actually, one of them is a Class Action, so that's actually like a dozen actual complaints rolled into one; I don't know why they do that. {SupaCree has arranged literally “many seats” for both Skrillex, and Dillon Francis.] {Sweet Brown's Monologue: Well, Sweetie, I'll tell you what; That's a tough way to go. I'll give you one more go at it; and She Stole All of our Music! All of it? NO! Just the HITS! (awws) ‘ATROCIOUS C' ? What the fuck is THIS? Hmmm Atrocious C and the-- Wait--what was it called again? Oh shit. Black Jack Black. That was it. Right? Yeah, that was the original joke, I think. You think? Yeah, I think--But then I remembered Atrocious C Wait, Atrocious C was a real thing? YEAH dude, it was my cover band in college. COVER BAND IN COLLEGE? YEP. Black Jack Black Jack Black. Oh no. Yep, he was there. Remember that $10,000 I gave you yesterday, and you said you didn't want it? Yeah… I need it back. No. What? You said you didn't want it! Yeah, then you made me take it anyway, so I spent it! Well, what'd you spend it on?! Dude, where are we going? If I knew, then it wouldn't be an adventure! Please, no Skrillex. PUMP THE SHIT. Dude, is that Skrillex? Go the other way. What? Why? TURN AROUND . Seriously, what was that? TURN AROUND. “Turn arouuund” She wrote the whole...movie. What the fuck is a “movie”? I should record this. “record” ? OK, FIRST OF ALL. Skrillex has Magic Powers. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTTHEFUCKUPPPPPP. Wow, 14 Pages. What...language is this... -It's In English -It's in Skrillex. YOU KNOW I CAN'T READ-- Ugh, yeah, I can translate this. It's alphanumeric.. You algebraic motherfucker. Damn. Is he still over there? Yeah. Goddamn. …. Goddamn. Hey. Uh. Come in. ...it's nice in here. It is. ...did you take out a wall? Window. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Where's Dillon? Oh, he's... chillin. {Dillon Francis is sleeping like a-- No dead baby jokes. I wasn't going to make a- [He's laid out, alright.] How long has he been sleeping like this? ...I don't know...awhie. How long's “awhile”? We've been trying to call him. I know. I have his phone… That explains the inspirational breakfast messages. What? I stopped getting mine! I found your preceding messages to be in bad taste. CUT TO: Everyone is laid out. She is going through their phones. Woah. This is a lot of tits. So many tits. Tits. Tits. Tits. Oh hey--look at these. Oh, I don't like that. What is that? CUT BACk: Oh, you saw that…? I saw that. And I deleted that. And I blocked your number. (shamefully) Oh. On everyone's devices. What the fuck. Permanently. Oh. Yeah...You should go, now. [Does] Dude, she has me carrier locked with every provider in the united states; I had to get a burner just to try to get through to all of my contacts everytime I try to make call it somehow gets intercepted. Hahah. he had to get a burner. Haaaah. wow , you really did it this time. Now I can listen to their calls. What? That's impossible-- NO IT ISN'T dude. I don't know how she's doing this--it's like every time I--HELLO? --What? Hello? Hello? Hm. Haaah, I disconnected them. Dude, what are you doing to these DJs? FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJ'S. And that guy over there. Hey, who is that guy anyway? I don't know...he kind of looks familiar… Yeah, he does...I...I think I might have seen him perform once… Preform? Perform what? Music? … YEAH, HE DOES MUSIC! I REMEMBER. THIS GUY'S A DJ. ...I'm...not a DJ. HE'S A DJ. LETS GET HIM. What does he do? Who, that guy? [Skrillex.] I don't know. What's up, I'm “Not A DJ”--- YOu should probably be careful with it... Careful with it. Be careful with it, it's limited Skrillex. Limited Skrillex. Mmhmm. Lets get it. We probably shouldn't. Mm. I feel like we should Dude, it's limited. ___ Cosmo. What? You should probably stop drinking. Why? You're flying sideways. Alright. Try water. WATAAAAR!! __ Dude, how long have we been dead for? Dead for? Yeah, man. I don't know. Yeah, me neither. She didn't make it. Didn't make it? What do you mean, is she okay? No, I mean--she's dead… WHAT? That's not ok. I don't get it, what is she doing? This is just how she does it, shut up. Yeah, but what is she doing? Skrillex! He's here? He's here! I gotta go! Get gone! Skrillex?! Yuh! Fuhck! If he's here, then i'm already late. Late for what? Pretty much anything, you name it. His...Name...Is… DON'T SAY ITl DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! He's been sleeping for...several days. [Still Staring At The Sky} Who DID this!? Explain it to me! Explain it to you? I can't explain to you! Are you seeing this? I'm in it! Everything's in it! Bruh. I know, dude. A little man climbed out of my sub this morning, and I'm just saying---I don't know if I can take it. I don't know how I'd take that, either. I can't take it. There's just one thing you should know: What? When the bass drops, so do we. DROP. What did you do with Dillon Francis? I don't know. I can't remember. You don't remember. What did you do with that bitch?! I don't know! I don't remember! You don't remember? Noone remembers. Deadmau5: I remember. Deadmau5 Remembers Everything. This is why he is “like that.” WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REMEMBER. So wait--Deadmau5 knows the entire story? well , yeah. Wait, which story? All of them. What the fuck! Happy Birthday! (he is canadian, so he is morbidly polite) Thanks. You're welcome. K. So. YAH! [they both draw their rave weapons] WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU? I AM IN “THE FUCK” YOU'RE “THE FUCK”, YOU DICK. Here's your gift. [She tosses it.] Oh, Gosh--this is... actually exactly what I wanted. I know dude. UH-WHO ARE YOU? I'm YO(U) . [They do not battle. He just accepts it.] Have you seen this rock? It's...not a rock, it's… Well, have you seen it? Yeah I've seen it. It's pretty sick. Yeah… (Delirious) Oh My God--A Tiny Man...with a tiny scythe…. I am not a man. I'M NOT A WOMAN. ---he changed his name to a symbol. I'M NOT A MAN. “is _____________” a boy or girl I AM SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. Oh, Jesus Christ. What dude. What the fuck do you want? What? Wait, you're...Jesus----Jesus-Jesus??? If you insist on still calling me that, I told you ages ago... (to himself) ...that makes so much sense…Jesus… Hm? Hey wait--are you still--sleeping--kind of? *wakes instantly* Sleeping? Who's sleeping? I'm not sleeping! Chel. HUH. [they squint at each other suspiciously] WHO'S THE PINATA NOW, BITCH?! Oh, my God, Gerald! Get a hold of yourself!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Dillon--What have you done. WHAT--DID YOU--DO. Just...Voodoo. VOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (She's mad.) ((Oh, she's so mad)) (((Mad, what's that?))) Bruh. She bleached my asshole. What! Yeah. And then tie dyed it. Trending: Rainbow Taint. Bro. How did you even find out about that? -creative ways you might find out, your junk has been permanently altered. What, it's PERMANENT. Dude, how Am I supposed to explain my LITERALLY Blue Balls? --I”M BLUE DA BA DE, DA BU DI__ I thought it was “Da BU Di--Do-Bu-DI” Obblah-di, Oh Blah-da; Life goes on, brah-- La-Da-Da-Da-Life goes on. I don't know. I might be a writer. She's a writer. She's a writer! Oh No! She's a rider. Oh, that's robust. Oh My God--It was that big? (Nods) You'd never know. ...I knew it... What did you do with it? I just wrapped it around my leg and tucked it into my sock, most the time. Oh, wow. Yeah. I had to layer, the tube socks. That's--wow. Yeah. I mean. When you're right, you're right. You're right. I just get confused about it when I see him in shorts now. [in shorts.] (she cocks her head to the side and squints, staring very suspiciously) (Later) We find that -- Woah. What. This is ridiculous. It is. Skrillex is Ridiculous. It is. So wait. This dudes dick. Oh my God. Is so long-- right He just opens up a portal to another dimension, so he has some place to put it while he's doing business-- What is this. --So it doesn't get in the way. Lol. Pocket Portal. Why did you DO this? Who did this? SIR. STOP CALLING ME THAT. SIr, it was “not enough.” What? I don't get it, so he's like a psychic? Skrillex is a psychic. Mm. No. No, he isn't. Uh, yes he is. No, he's not. He's just from the future, so he knows what's in it. Oh. Which future? All of them. Wait, which human era? ... Oh, I've seen the movie. How could you see the movie, it doesn't exist yet? Oh. It exists. What? It does? Yes. And It is fucked up. Like, in a good way? just FUCKED UP. Bruh. I went to go see Skrillex last night. Oh shit. How was it? IT WAS FUCKED UP Like, in a good way? JUST-- I JUST-- I JUST, ADJUST. There. There it is. Adjust. I don't see anything. Veer Weest. There! There! Right! There! *gasps* Wait, I think I see it. I see something. Wait. Is that. Adjust. *gasp* it's moving. It is moving, It appears to be moving. I can't just leave it, they'll find it--I have to keep moving it. You can't keep moving it--the planet can't handle it. There are still humans on it! I know there are still humans on it, that's where I left them; but I can't just put it back, and I can't just leave it out here for the Inter--Galactic-- Interdimensional-- Whatever! I'm not just gonna leave it here for some aliens to turn into a trash planet.It's not a trash planet. (It's, basically a trash planet) It's a trash planet. Okay, well--it's my trash planet! And. I already annihilated--or, am in the current process of--annihilating all the evil soulless demon people-things. All the Bad Things. It has a lot of badness. Yes, but recently less badness. Kind of. And also less water. Everyone's thirsty now. But...I mean, we always were, kind of. Especially in LA. What is your process? This is it. Look. This planet-- Trash Planet-- Trash--Look. Its full of primitive species-- OKay-- And also other things that shouldn't be there. Alright. And it's almost dead. Or dying. Or...dead already. It's dead. It's a dead trash-planet. But I can't let anything [else] happen to it. --AND DEN-- You caused an entire apocalypse. Well, they called me fat, so. Well great; What are you going to do with your dead post apocalyptic trash planet? You can't keep expanding everlasting galaxies just so you can stuff this piece of crap planet into voids. Aha-Ha. IT'S FUCKIN--AHA-- W-Wait. Where did it go? Where did he go? Where did she go? How did I get here? How DID she get there? I've been looking for you everywhere! That sucks… Where were you? Nowhere. Like, the only place I didn't check! It was the first place I checked. You checked? Yes. He wasn't there. He's not in there. He's not on the lineup. I know how to get her here. ___Dude, I don't know how you did this! How did you DO this? Look, it's a long story. Well make it a short one. *sighs* Look. I was jumping up and down, during my set, like usual--okay. OKay. So I….dropped the bass, and then… AND DEN? And then? And then…(looks off, into the distance, for a moment) I went up, the bass went down; My dick went sideways, and forward-- --sideways and forward, at the same time-- >>>Yes. It was a lot. Yo. What's his power. I don't know. I know you know. Everybody knows you know. What's his power. Ask him. Dude, I know you know it; Just tell me. “Macbook Bro” It's Apples Take on Music Production. Yo dude, these are flying off the shelves. ___ Dude. I jus' joined the mile high club. No way. Yes way. With who? Myself. Nice. It was great. __ So you're telling me-- I'm telling you--what I was told-- That they put him on a helicopter in the middle of the desert-- ---Black Rock City-- Whatever--Burning man--middle of the desert-- _-Yeah-- --Right. And then flew him to-- --”an undisclosed location”-- --okay-- ___ Okay, I actually just had a few questions about the script… Go ahead, I was wondering about this scene with Skrillex. ...Skrillex? What Skrillex? It's...pages… No. It isn't. There's no Skrillex. He is introduced as a character in Act... No, Skrillex isn't in this. He...is...I'm...looking right at it. What page? Pages 45, thru… “45” Yeah. There's no...come here. What. Come over here. Let me see. [Does.] ...what master is this... The revision I got in my email this morning. From who? From you. WHAT? BRO. YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT OUT TO THE DESERT-- ---YEAH--- --AND WE BURNED THAT-- ---YEAH--- MY ENTIRE STAFF GOT THAT IN THEIR EMAIL THIS MORNING. WHAT? I thought that was the only copy. IT WAS. WHAT THE FUCK. BRO THIS NIGGA. THIS NIGGA. NIGGA. Skrillex did A Skrillex. Three People Know About It. Skrillex is not one of those people. Woah. So. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Oh, no…. ...I just don't get it; I'm really sleepy. Well yeah...you are ...dead, so. What? I'm dead? Oh, yes. That explains it. It... actually doesn't explain anything. Do you remember what happened? Uh...I...Hmm. It's alright, take your time. What is “Time”, really? Ah, he's waking up. ___ He's not waking up. He's been like this for awhile. What do we do? Call it in. Call It in and say what? Hey, we just Michael Jackson'd Skrillex? Technically, he Michael Jackson'd himself. Technically, Michael Jackson Micheal Jackson'd himself. Oh, shit, that's right. And 9/11 was an inside job. Well yeah. --so, we're white; it's not like we'll get jail time for it-- Jail time--woah woah woah-- We'll, we're also rich so-- oh , oh yeah. Well, I mean --technically he's not--I mean--he's still alive… He's been sleeping for 3 weeks, dude. Right--so he's gotta be waking up soon, right? yeah . If you still believe in santa clause (Later) By the way, dude; Santa Clause, dude; He's-- --What? He's real too? Really real. You really can hear everything when you're in a coma. I didn't send this! It was never supposed to-- --Well. The studio likes it, they gave us the go ahead for everything this morning-- Everything waht? Well the budget, expansions. Expansions? Yeah, for the dance scenes. Dance scenes? Yeah. And. Skrillex is on his way over to discuss the contracts. Contracts? Yeah. Skrillex? Yes. Skrillex seen this? Yes. Skrillex can't see this. He... already has. No. Yeah. (just shakes head, in harsh reflection) He likes it. He's doing it. He..likes..it? Yes. He's on the way. Now? Yes. Skrillex. ...Yes, Skrillex is on the-- --BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF SKRILLEX-- BYE. Where's SUPACREE? Nobody can find her. She just--vanished. --just vanished? Yeah. What happened? (Later) Well, I did mention Skrillex... --ohhhh, you told her Skrillex was coming? That explains it. It...doesn't explain anything. Actually, nah, that explains everything. What are you talking about? ...I'm not. Rezz knows. Rezz: Knows what. Exactly. Nigga you caught a Skrillex. YEAH BITCH. Throw it back! What? Throw it back! We don't eat that! What? Throw it back. Well, I went to Skrillex this morning. How was it? They destroyed it, it's gone now. Destroyed it? IT's gone? I mean--pretty much gone; it's still there--like you can go, but when you get there it's..there's nothing there. There's Nothing there. ...did you see that? What? [There's nothing there.] ...huh..did you hear that? What? [There's nothing there] Woah, who's his best friend? Looks like this girl is-- Damn. She's hot. Hot. Feeling Hot, Hot Hot! Welp, retreat. Retreat? Retreat. We're not doing this. They're...retreating. Wat? Why would they retreat? They're turning around… Oh… And....they're gone. They left. I wonder why. DUDE, DID YOU SEE-- I know. I was like-- Yesss honey, I know. So yeah. Yeahhhhh. Now what? [They don't know.] What happened? They don't know! [Nobody knows.] Nobody knows. Skrillex knows. Wait. WHAT. Yeah, Skrillex knows. ...what? wait --how do you know? ...sometimes, I find out things.) >..about Skrillex? yeah ,man. How? Does it MATTER? ...uh...it does matter. How did you GET this? Doesn't matter. Uh. It DOES matter. I know he did it. I was THERE. What dude, you weren't there. Deadmau5: I was there. Oh yeah, Joel? He was there. So you remember that? Well, yeah. Well, I was already hanging with Dillon Francis, which was weird. --it was weird-- So when Deadmau5 shows up in the middle of it, it doesn't really matter how fucked up I am, I'm gonna remember some shit like that. What? I don't remember that happening. Huh. So you must have blacked out first. Which means I WON. Actually, I feel like we all lost. --yeah, but it didn't get really weird, until-- I AM SKRILLEX. Deadmau5: Yeah, see. Yo dude, this nigga is Skrillex. This isn't Skrillex. It's Skrillex. It's not Skrillex. I'm looking straight at him. It is Skrillex, dude. I know what I'm talking about. But you don't remember anything else about it? No, I don't. Dude. She bedazzled my dick and then did photoshoots with it. More than one? Three. One was on location. To DOctor: What? It's permanent? I mean-- Well can I at least take out this barbell and change is for something less...blingy. It's got rhinestones. Uh actually, those are real diamonds--uh, you're welcome--and --AND--? It's not just blingy; It also has bluetooth. Bluetooth for WHAT. Dude. Oh watch this. I have the app installed on my phone, I just-- Dude. What did she do to your dick? What? My DICK? Nothing. What? [They all stare.] What? It was-- What do you know about Skrillex? ...Too much, actually. Why? Okay, then you make a Right on Time. Okay, now what? Make another right. Okay… Now, at the next light , take another right. ...On TIME? Why didn't we just take a LEFT on TIME? What? He should have made it; I know he left ofn time. Right road, wrong realm. Okay. NOw what. OKay, now hit warp speed; Because the Interdimensional Galactic Special Forces Patrol is going to start chasing you. WHAT? **ALIEN SIRENS** (AND LAZERS) THIS IS REALLY COOL!! Yeah, I know; but they have nukes, so-- OH. Yeah, Run. RUN! RUNNNNNNN! Did you run? I did not run; i RAN. I RAN for my life! What. She's in IRAN? ...I RA...VE. PARTY? PARTY-PARTY. What am I looking at right now? That? That's just a Doompy Poomp. Why? WHY? I don't know. They just have them here. For WHAT? WHY? They just happen. I told you she was gonna get stuck in it. (And She did) Spiders are actually highly intelligent--and--rather humane. You know what, actually? I kind of like this. You're trapped in it, and about to get eaten. Ah...ok. OK? YOu're okay with this? WOAH! You were trapped in a spider's web? What. Yeah, once. I wouldn't recommend it, but; I guess that's what I get for trying to be a fly on the wall. WHAT DID YOU DO? I don't know how he did it, okay? What? Of course you know; you have to know. I don't know. You have to know. I don't. I just First rule of time travel: DON'T. Oh, that is the first rule. Skrillex has broken the first rule of time travel. The FIRST rule? He's broken EVERY rule. Should we let him go? We're gonna have to let him go. Wow, you fired Skrillex? You Killed Skrillex. “What, is he sick?” “No, fool--we're gonna kill him.” MUFASA MOTHERFUCKER. THAT MOTHER-FATHER. MOTHERFUCKER! How did he even get in through the-- I don't know. Which exit did he leave through? He didn't! He just (whirring noise, spiral loop, POOF) What. Is his Power. I DON'T KNOW. OOh. SKRILLEX has POWERS? Of course he has powers. Of course he has powers. He's magic. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I never thought about that. You Never thought about it? NO! Not even ONCE? NOOO! Not Even One Time? ...WELL, Now I've thought about it. HA! See. No! I don't “see!” I did NAZI that-- Yes you did. I know how to get her here. HOW? HOW. Just put Skrillex on the lineup. I can't afford to get Skrillex on the lineup. Dude. It's simple. There's literally not one simple thing about Skrillex. He's got a HUGE deck. It IS pretty massive. I had to power wash it. Twice. ___ Here. This shit is a girl blunt. I only smoke Gurl Bluntz. __ I thought you were gonna have that thing removed… Actually, I kinda like it; it's actually-- Oh. Yeah. Once you get used to it, it's kind of nice. When was the last time you went on Pornhub? I mean, I rarely-- [2 HOURS EARLIER.] Hysterical Laughter in at least 3 Dimensions. (Actually it was 6) Actually it's 9. Really it's Twelve, though. FUCK IT--ADMIT IT: WE ALL LAUGHED. Oh, dude--I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed, I'm Sorry! Alright--I admit it. I admit It. ADMIT IT! I Admit it! I Skrilex'ed Drop the e. DROP THE BASS. Oh, my God. Ohhh, my GoD. Oh, My Gaaaahhhhh Okay. Did you see it--were you there?? Yeah, I mean, I seen it-- You were there. I was therre, buttt I mean. I was there. You were not there. I was...there. Theree? I'm still there! This motherfucker right here. I guess. I mean, I guess he's a Motherfucker Doesn't look like much of a otherfucker to me. *Motherfucker. Look at this motherfucker. Mother-fucker! Mucutherfuckkin...Motherfuck. STOP SAYINTHAT! WHICH THING. ANYTHING. JUST SHUT UP. … Where are we going? I don't know we're just...going...to get there. Okay… __ DID YOU SEE WAAT THEY ADDED TO THE BASS PARADE? “Bass Parade?” Okay, that place is really cool. Okay. Now Once theHelicopter landson top of the Helipad… Okay. Okay so . Check this out. Okay. She actually pretended to hate you-- “pretended ?” And then gained a following from that-- I bet. --and then vanished all of these haters into an unknown void off the interdimensional reality grid HUh. (“Skrillex is doing a Suprise Set!) Man, Fuck Skrillex. [out of nowhere] Uh. Fuck you. Ummm. BEGONE. I don't know man People just keep--appearing in my Dungenon man, it's WEIRD --That is weird-- I mean--don't get me wrong; It's a strange blessing and everything, and believe me--my dragons are happy as fuck-- They're..wait, what of people are just appearing in your dungeon? Like-- I think they're mostly evil people. Like no-- No, like women or children, or anything. Oh, good. No, no, nothing like that. Wait. I thought a dragon was -- (Explains land of dragons) Oh That's . Wait, Did Justin Roiland ALSO go to the future? Or was it_-- wait, who was that? Whose socks are these? Socks? What socks. That never happened. What didn't. Exactly. See. He knows. Knows--what? See. Bruh. Huh. Loose Lips: Sink ships, baby--goon; Tell me. Tell Me. Deadass. Just saw Charlie Sheen in that corner over there. Word? What was he doing Nothing. He was just being Charlie Sheen in a corner (Actually, he was up to some super serious shit. ) Wait--like in a good way, or? Yeah, actually he's; He's there on PR, it's like a whole thing. Oh. So there's a DJ battle on the world of floor. Yeah. That happened. That did happen. I was there. You were. I were. oh , Believe me; I was semi-omnipotently present. Is that true? Are you at odds with Skrillex? No...I'd say we're pretty even. She photocopied it. “She photocopied it.” Oh God. Oh My God OH GOD. Should we...alert...Anybody, or just-- RUN. RUN NGGA, RUN. RUN, SONNY, RUN. Oh shit--Skrillex is in this. Fahck. FAQUE! WHAT. Huh. When did you write this? I...didn't write this. Oh--that's crazy; you mean, I've been pretty much doing whatever the whole time; but I'm like--i'm sleeping? Well, I mean, you're dead, so. So wait--that happened after I died? Okay? Okay. Okay-- so what happened to him? Unh. Yuh. That's deep. OKay look; I'm gonna be landing later. If you see something in the Sky; please do not shoot it down? Okay? I'm renting this shit. What are you doing? I Shooting down a UFO. A UFO? DUDE. I IDENTIFIED MYSELF. UFO= U FUCKIN OWE ME. Ohhh--goddamn-- okay. Dang dude, they really wanna see this fight. WHAT? What fight Okay, stay low to the ground Lower. {does} I mean like really low. Lower. [does] More. [they are crouching] Perfect, now --THE BASS DROPS--- … You wanted Skrillex, Right? ..Uh...yeah, but-- We brought Skrillex. OKay, look--how do I never, ever explain this? JUst DON'T. JUST. DON'T What the fuck dude. Well, now they're ALL on their way; Are you happy. ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ----------------------------------------------------------------- R U OK? ------------------------------------------------- Uh. Dude...how did you get in here…? She came in through the bathroom window... I don't know. More importantly; how do you get out? She's stuck She's Stuck. She's stuck in a Skrillex. Oh, she is stuck-stuck. I'll go get it. DUDE--We launched her into another dimension! (What is this?) *Jumping up and down furiously* Oh Good, her phone is dead. Heh heh heh She's completely isolated. She came alone? I mean--what else was I gonna do? So. Overall: Who Would you say fucked up the hardest? -Definitely Skrillex. -Definitely Dillon Francis. Mr. Mr Television Is a sinister Public servant and citizen Mr. Miserable listens to Millions of visions; Sends them into ascension With his exquisite musicianship. Aww--so then what--they live happily ever after? What The fuck. No. They fuckiing hate eachother. Well, that was...arguably one of the coolest things I've ever seen. You, sir, are very crunchy toast on a cold, dry morning. Um. OKay. Without butter. (Sad face.) What the fuck happened to you?! What the fuck happened to him? I heard. He got his ass whooped by Dillon Francis. What. The Fuck. YEAH. When was that? Apparently at The Event. I was at that! So was I; I was actually at that stage; I just didn't see it happen! I would pay to watch that. I paid to watch it. What. Yeah, actually; We had the watch party at my house it was.... It was random. Yeah. It was. Like, actually random. I've never seen anything like that in my life. HELLO? SKRILLEX DILLON FRANCIS! Oh shit dude, run. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © Oh, that's what I need. Phone, Wallet *coughing* hate .

No room for error No passing judgement That one went faster I better run for cover Well-warrior, not a fighter— I'll fight to the death for ever after She said “I've never been happier” A paraphrase, actually What a celebrity All I asked was for protection The fame and wealth can wait, j guess A well warrior, never a fighter Well, As long as I'm healthy Been thinking of traveling That might be worth it I've never been so frightened, I think But always been selfish Hold on, I gotta run to another dimension I left my stomach on ice I've been eating my eyes out My son is in prison Ex husband, a fighter The wifebeating's genetic I'm just multidimensional Now the demon's behind me Over my right shoulder I took my own crucifix Like I lifted the boulder I told you I could bury my credits With the devil “You have no power here! “ If madonna's the good witch Then what of Beyoncé I took my sacrifice down to the alter. What did you want The coughs to stop haunting you What did you ask? I just asked for protection But I've been surrounded by demons Wife waters and cheating husbands Not a shaman, Just another lost one I put some miles on these runners— I clocked in 20 of em since the sabbath Give or take Or give Or take Or I'm not doing my job If Shazam isn't on I'm not doing my job If I never show up Just to run And the show must go on But if I want to try Juliard I have to work harder I have to hope for alone I had to apologize to my body I got depressed when my son went back to his father Back to alaska Where it all started —I still think about Jimmy Fallon when I'm holding a fart in. What do you cal that? A comic relief. (Or a con man) Sorry, I got off track When I got what I wanted I bought it all back at the pawn shop Just from a deposit On a long haul I'm the wrong one to fuck with By a long shot Fuck it, When I walk off, The show starts And after, An encore (Of four of em) My DJ brain's back on I gotta get to work I gotta get a job I gotta learn to twerk I should smoke more I gotta show em what I've got Never—ever tell God you're bored. GOD What's that?! NOTHIN SUNNI BLU Somebody tell these hoodlums crocs ain't shoes! I see you stomping through the ghetto With some slippers on In a rain storm What the fuck is going on Trash on the floor Your asses are done FORE! (Meanwhile, at some golf course The landlords are making sure If there are more of us, We're all dumb) I'm only suicidal When the lights are on I'm only suicidal When the night is gone It's back to morning Busses full of strangers On their cellulars I pray to God To stop the coughs She must be deaf or something GOD What. Or it's just Illuminati Gotta run to even be a thought I've been forgotten in the dust I never ever had a brother Like the one I've got (The sun I'm under) I'll never ever cry under the moon, I promise I'll never wonder if he's coming soon The answer was never But I used to wonder I used to have friends They used me I got used to being humiliated I got used to being inhuman Negative—negative. I guess it's back to deadmau5 24 hours a day I'll never sleep again But that was a vacation for the ages I got on a plane, went to bed And never got up —we didn't get far from the ground There's no room for error. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* THE WORLDENDERZ are a secret band of superheroes—their secret identities include the various roles on the overnight shift at a popular chain of super-gyms, Las Vegas Athletic Club— “The Night Shift “ A miniseries The Night Shift is a mockumentary style miniseries which follows the secret identities of a band of superheroes in their day-to-day working the graveyard shift at LVAC; before forming The a world Enders, they comedicly attempt to mask using their multi dimensional and extraterrestrial superpowers, each unknowing that they are all respectively some of the most powerful beings in the universe, however, after SUPACREE is spotted by a mole from one of the various agencies tracking her, a plan is hatched to turn the unwittingly suspicious and mysterious strangers into an intergalactic multidimensional task force, forming the WORLDENDERS. It's WORLDENDERZ. Yeah, that's what I said. With a Z. No, that's stupid. YEAH IT IS. DO IT. Alright— WORLDENDERZ The World Enders are an elite task force of super-powered extraterrestrial hybrids developed to aid in post-apocalyptic recovery and planetary regeneration after imminent doom in other worlds as well as parallel realms and realities. They all share a multitude of each other's powers, some carrying variations of respective powers and abilities, which include telepathy, invisibility, teleportation, invisibility, and super speed/strength, but also each have a set of specific special abilities unique to their individual selves. All gifted shapeshifters, they use these skills to cloak their true hidden talents and ulterior motives—though no players intention ever goes against the grain of the greater good. MELLO Gift of gab. A demon slayer and chaos magician, who uses her bubbly personality and friendly demeanor to mask her dangerous and destructive rage—which actually summons previously-slayed demons, to use against the enemy in attack. Special Ability/Secret Power: The Power of Jesus Christ. THE ORANGE JULIUS Turns junk food into nuclear energy; sometimes glows (bright neon orange) in the dark—he also makes incredible smoothies, which, if consumed, transmits some of his nuclear power to its consumer. UNC A demon slayer, who uses his shape shifting ability to appear in his 20s, but is actually 75. QUASIMODO Brings inanimate objects made from planetary or organic materials into living form, usually used for repopulating planets where a mass extinction has occurred. DOCTOR OSBORNE Doctor Osborne is paying off his medical school debt by secretly working a night job across town at a nearby gymnasium—he spends his other 16 hours as a brain surgeon, using his superpowers to save lives by performing miracles during operations in which the survival rate are slim to none; this accounts for his beyond tired and lackluster behavior during his time at the gym—however his certain onset narcolepsy is often a conviniéndote key to success in many of the world Enders missions. ORION “A real nigga” A world builder and extremely gifted seer with immense telepathic and telekinetic capabilities. Copyright [The Festival Project] 2022 C.C.S. Monroe AKLA, Inc. Everyone Is At The Event, Where Everything Happened. She broke everything in my house. Everything? Ev-er-y-thing. Hah, I broke all of his stuff. All of it? Everything, dude. Hehe. All of it. No, Like--Literally, Everyone, Ever. What did you do to this girl? _ EXCEPT… I don't get it. She hates Dillon Francis. She does— hate Dillon Francis. So why would she go to this? [They enter simultaneously.] YOU! YOU! [They charge.] EH. [She-- —- I don't get it, how do I write about magic? I don't know, just say what it looks like--- Cut To: Staring at Skrillex. [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “The World Builders” [Staring at Skrillex.] [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “Think about it; What would you do that would leave a profound effect on Skrillex. I've...been...trying to figure that out, maybe. Pi. Look, it's S U P A C R E E. Oh shit, these are DIRECTIONS. To WHERE, tho? Dude, I have something to tell you. What. It's bad. Why, what happened? It's... look, no one else can know about it, okay? Okay... Oh shit, she's a Trance artist now? Trance? I don't know how to make trance. This one time, I held my breath meditating to it, and I just-- Just what? —- That's it. It just ended. What? Yeaaauhh dude. I don't fuck with Skrillex. For a lot of reasons. … I think I might be a writer. Oh no. She's a writer. Oh, no. Oh, NO. I am not touching that with a $10,000 dollar paycheck! $!0,000--what the fuck am I gonna go with $10,000? ($10,000 is the rich people equivalent of $10) Yo. Poor people will do just about anything for $10. What? No, they won't. Yes they will--hey--watch this. Hey! [guy looks] I'll give you $10 to hop across the street on 1 foot. D1- He just does it See. D2- Does it, gets hit by a bus. See. That guy died. For $10. D3- Does it, gets hit by a bus; but is S U P A C R E E and resurrects instantly, then comes back for vengeance, capturing 2 more. What, she has their souls? Hearts and Souls. Goddamn. (Literally) Well, I told you Jesus quit, right--? Yeah, he's...he left. So you swim into port that has a boat. A boat-- Then you get on the boat. Get on the boat. That boat is going to take you to another boat. Okay, another boat. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS ANOTHER BOAT. YOU DIDN'T”T TELL ME THE FIRST ONE HAD TO SINK, TO BOARD IT. Oh, yeah, well--duh. So then--on the second boat-- Well, it's more like a really big Ferry (It's a monstrous cruise ship) Yeah, that shit made groove cruise look like...what the poor people equivalent of groove cruise? There is no “poor people equivalent” Well then--how do poor people rave on boats? They don't. That doesn't seem fair. Yeah--where's the equality? There's no such thing as equality in poverty! Actually-- HAH. THEY CALL IT “GOD'S COUNTRY” I'm not taking responsibility for this. I didn't do this. “IN GOD WE TRUST” NO, that just means; the trust is empty. It's empty. This...this used to be a reservoir. It still is...a reservoir. Of water. Oh. It's a “Christian Nation?” Christian? What's a Christian? It's-- NO. Jesus, listen. NO. YOU LISTEN: FUCK. THAT. FUCKTHAT. Oh, he was mad. He was pretty mad. He still is, mad. He is, pretty mad. Dad, what happened? It doesn't matter, it just had to happen. Why did it ‘have' to happen? If you have even to ask; I don't have an answer. Ogh, dude. I know. It's almost time to go back to work. I know. Oh, my God. I know. How long have we been in this Void--it's so random. [The whole #SQUAD is on Watch.] Hm. What is this? [A look] Can I have some? [Another look.] I like it. I want it. [The Look.] I'mma try it out. OK. __ Ask Him! He knows! How to get to Skrillex? (still censored) Yes--you know. He knows. You know, right? I don't know. What? I--? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (It didn't happen.) Fuck. NO dude, I found it--I just don't remember how… Do you remember when? Ah, I remember my first Skrillex. I don't. Oh My God dude. Flip Flops? Yes, my feet are killing me. Skrillex is in 10 minutes. Actually, 9. The Hotel is 7 minutes away.; The car is parked in Valet; If we leave now, we can make it back by the time it starts, I swear. You SWEAR? __ Ooh...Beyonce...I like her. We all like her. Give her something nice. Nice. Very nice. Very nice. What do you want her to dress as? Oh her? ...she can come as herself. [the next part] Yo FUCK the Met Gala; I'm going to THIS shit. What? You were invited? I want to be invited! How did you get an invite? ((Oh, you can't write that)) Damn right I won't. Lol, she had her dress as Beyonce. That's cold. She stole Umbrella! She stole it first! It wasn't even written for her--! It wasn't written for anybo-- Actually, it was written for ME. Oh yeah, huh. Why does this song have 32 writers on it? What the fuuuuckkk... What. We have Skrillex. Skrillex. How did you get a Skrillex? Just--Skrillex. “Just Skrillex”? The Original. Oh, shit. The Original Skrillex. Like, the first one? First one ever. Where the fuck is my Skrillex? I didn't take it. STFU “didn't take it”--Where the fuck is my Skrillex? Oh what--Skrillex? We have Skrillex! You do? Of course we do! It's paradise. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. If that man sits at a piano, I will pass out... Oh wow, he plays piano...hmm. I will faint. How did he DO this? This Volcano emits *this* frequency. Ah, try this-- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites. Oh. I know this one. Do you? Yeah! Bruh. I'm about to take a lot of drugs right now; I'm just calling to tell you that I love you. What happened? Nothing happened. I'm just like this now. What's that? Nothing! What is it? Nothing! It's Skrillex, isn't it. I don't get how he DID this. Someone give this man an honorary doctorate. Think about it like this; if all this is happening to you, and you have-- --No Grammys-- --and he's got-- --Eight Grammys. Eighth Grammys, really? Damn, what the fuck. I know, right? Right. So. If he has eight Grammys--and you have none-- --zero Grammys-- --and you're experiencing this right now-- Damn, what the fuck happened to him? She shat in my Grammys. What! All Eight of Them? YES. I didn't shit in his Grammys. You didn't? NO! Well, that's good, because-- I hired other people to shit in his Grammys. What? Best $80 I ever spent. Why are we terrorizing Skrillex? He started it. He did start it. See, this is why I like him--he doesn't ask questions. What? You hired 8 different people to shit in his Grammys. Yeah! Dude, that is disgusting! Dude. You hired three different photographers to take professional photoshoots of my dick. Look; These were all done on location; we went to Catalina...it was kind of cold though-- WHAT THE FUCK. Dude, this is like 9 lawsuits. Well, actually, one of them is a Class Action, so that's actually like a dozen actual complaints rolled into one; I don't know why they do that. {SupaCree has arranged literally “many seats” for both Skrillex, and Dillon Francis.] {Sweet Brown's Monologue: Well, Sweetie, I'll tell you what; That's a tough way to go. I'll give you one more go at it; and She Stole All of our Music! All of it? NO! Just the HITS! (awws) ‘ATROCIOUS C' ? What the fuck is THIS? Hmmm Atrocious C and the-- Wait--what was it called again? Oh shit. Black Jack Black. That was it. Right? Yeah, that was the original joke, I think. You think? Yeah, I think--But then I remembered Atrocious C Wait, Atrocious C was a real thing? YEAH dude, it was my cover band in college. COVER BAND IN COLLEGE? YEP. Black Jack Black Jack Black. Oh no. Yep, he was there. Remember that $10,000 I gave you yesterday, and you said you didn't want it? Yeah… I need it back. No. What? You said you didn't want it! Yeah, then you made me take it anyway, so I spent it! Well, what'd you spend it on?! Dude, where are we going? If I knew, then it wouldn't be an adventure! Please, no Skrillex. PUMP THE SHIT. Dude, is that Skrillex? Go the other way. What? Why? TURN AROUND . Seriously, what was that? TURN AROUND. “Turn arouuund” She wrote the whole...movie. What the fuck is a “movie”? I should record this. “record” ? OK, FIRST OF ALL. Skrillex has Magic Powers. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTTHEFUCKUPPPPPP. Wow, 14 Pages. What...language is this... -It's In English -It's in Skrillex. YOU KNOW I CAN'T READ-- Ugh, yeah, I can translate this. It's alphanumeric.. You algebraic motherfucker. Damn. Is he still over there? Yeah. Goddamn. …. Goddamn. Hey. Uh. Come in. ...it's nice in here. It is. ...did you take out a wall? Window. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Where's Dillon? Oh, he's... chillin. {Dillon Francis is sleeping like a-- No dead baby jokes. I wasn't going to make a- [He's laid out, alright.] How long has he been sleeping like this? ...I don't know...awhie. How long's “awhile”? We've been trying to call him. I know. I have his phone… That explains the inspirational breakfast messages. What? I stopped getting mine! I found your preceding messages to be in bad taste. CUT TO: Everyone is laid out. She is going through their phones. Woah. This is a lot of tits. So many tits. Tits. Tits. Tits. Oh hey--look at these. Oh, I don't like that. What is that? CUT BACk: Oh, you saw that…? I saw that. And I deleted that. And I blocked your number. (shamefully) Oh. On everyone's devices. What the fuck. Permanently. Oh. Yeah...You should go, now. [Does] Dude, she has me carrier locked with every provider in the united states; I had to get a burner just to try to get through to all of my contacts everytime I try to make call it somehow gets intercepted. Hahah. he had to get a burner. Haaaah. wow , you really did it this time. Now I can listen to their calls. What? That's impossible-- NO IT ISN'T dude. I don't know how she's doing this--it's like every time I--HELLO? --What? Hello? Hello? Hm. Haaah, I disconnected them. Dude, what are you doing to these DJs? FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJ'S. And that guy over there. Hey, who is that guy anyway? I don't know...he kind of looks familiar… Yeah, he does...I...I think I might have seen him perform once… Preform? Perform what? Music? … YEAH, HE DOES MUSIC! I REMEMBER. THIS GUY'S A DJ. ...I'm...not a DJ. HE'S A DJ. LETS GET HIM. What does he do? Who, that guy? [Skrillex.] I don't know. What's up, I'm “Not A DJ”--- YOu should probably be careful with it... Careful with it. Be careful with it, it's limited Skrillex. Limited Skrillex. Mmhmm. Lets get it. We probably shouldn't. Mm. I feel like we should Dude, it's limited. ___ Cosmo. What? You should probably stop drinking. Why? You're flying sideways. Alright. Try water. WATAAAAR!! __ Dude, how long have we been dead for? Dead for? Yeah, man. I don't know. Yeah, me neither. She didn't make it. Didn't make it? What do you mean, is she okay? No, I mean--she's dead… WHAT? That's not ok. I don't get it, what is she doing? This is just how she does it, shut up. Yeah, but what is she doing? Skrillex! He's here? He's here! I gotta go! Get gone! Skrillex?! Yuh! Fuhck! If he's here, then i'm already late. Late for what? Pretty much anything, you name it. His...Name...Is… DON'T SAY ITl DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! He's been sleeping for...several days. [Still Staring At The Sky} Who DID this!? Explain it to me! Explain it to you? I can't explain to you! Are you seeing this? I'm in it! Everything's in it! Bruh. I know, dude. A little man climbed out of my sub this morning, and I'm just saying---I don't know if I can take it. I don't know how I'd take that, either. I can't take it. There's just one thing you should know: What? When the bass drops, so do we. DROP. What did you do with Dillon Francis? I don't know. I can't remember. You don't remember. What did you do with that bitch?! I don't know! I don't remember! You don't remember? Noone remembers. Deadmau5: I remember. Deadmau5 Remembers Everything. This is why he is “like that.” WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REMEMBER. So wait--Deadmau5 knows the entire story? well , yeah. Wait, which story? All of them. What the fuck! Happy Birthday! (he is canadian, so he is morbidly polite) Thanks. You're welcome. K. So. YAH! [they both draw their rave weapons] WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU? I AM IN “THE FUCK” YOU'RE “THE FUCK”, YOU DICK. Here's your gift. [She tosses it.] Oh, Gosh--this is... actually exactly what I wanted. I know dude. UH-WHO ARE YOU? I'm YO(U) . [They do not battle. He just accepts it.] Have you seen this rock? It's...not a rock, it's… Well, have you seen it? Yeah I've seen it. It's pretty sick. Yeah… (Delirious) Oh My God--A Tiny Man...with a tiny scythe…. I am not a man. I'M NOT A WOMAN. ---he changed his name to a symbol. I'M NOT A MAN. “is _____________” a boy or girl I AM SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. Oh, Jesus Christ. What dude. What the fuck do you want? What? Wait, you're...Jesus----Jesus-Jesus??? If you insist on still calling me that, I told you ages ago... (to himself) ...that makes so much sense…Jesus… Hm? Hey wait--are you still--sleeping--kind of? *wakes instantly* Sleeping? Who's sleeping? I'm not sleeping! Chel. HUH. [they squint at each other suspiciously] WHO'S THE PINATA NOW, BITCH?! Oh, my God, Gerald! Get a hold of yourself!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Dillon--What have you done. WHAT--DID YOU--DO. Just...Voodoo. VOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (She's mad.) ((Oh, she's so mad)) (((Mad, what's that?))) Bruh. She bleached my asshole. What! Yeah. And then tie dyed it. Trending: Rainbow Taint. Bro. How did you even find out about that? -creative ways you might find out, your junk has been permanently altered. What, it's PERMANENT. Dude, how Am I supposed to explain my LITERALLY Blue Balls? --I”M BLUE DA BA DE, DA BU DI__ I thought it was “Da BU Di--Do-Bu-DI” Obblah-di, Oh Blah-da; Life goes on, brah-- La-Da-Da-Da-Life goes on. I don't know. I might be a writer. She's a writer. She's a writer! Oh No! She's a rider. Oh, that's robust. Oh My God--It was that big? (Nods) You'd never know. ...I knew it... What did you do with it? I just wrapped it around my leg and tucked it into my sock, most the time. Oh, wow. Yeah. I had to layer, the tube socks. That's--wow. Yeah. I mean. When you're right, you're right. You're right. I just get confused about it when I see him in shorts now. [in shorts.] (she cocks her head to the side and squints, staring very suspiciously) (Later) We find that -- Woah. What. This is ridiculous. It is. Skrillex is Ridiculous. It is. So wait. This dudes dick. Oh my God. Is so long-- right He just opens up a portal to another dimension, so he has some place to put it while he's doing business-- What is this. --So it doesn't get in the way. Lol. Pocket Portal. Why did you DO this? Who did this? SIR. STOP CALLING ME THAT. SIr, it was “not enough.” What? I don't get it, so he's like a psychic? Skrillex is a psychic. Mm. No. No, he isn't. Uh, yes he is. No, he's not. He's just from the future, so he knows what's in it. Oh. Which future? All of them. Wait, which human era? ... Oh, I've seen the movie. How could you see the movie, it doesn't exist yet? Oh. It exists. What? It does? Yes. And It is fucked up. Like, in a good way? just FUCKED UP. Bruh. I went to go see Skrillex last night. Oh shit. How was it? IT WAS FUCKED UP Like, in a good way? JUST-- I JUST-- I JUST, ADJUST. There. There it is. Adjust. I don't see anything. Veer Weest. There! There! Right! There! *gasps* Wait, I think I see it. I see something. Wait. Is that. Adjust. *gasp* it's moving. It is moving, It appears to be moving. I can't just leave it, they'll find it--I have to keep moving it. You can't keep moving it--the planet can't handle it. There are still humans on it! I know there are still humans on it, that's where I left them; but I can't just put it back, and I can't just leave it out here for the Inter--Galactic-- Interdimensional-- Whatever! I'm not just gonna leave it here for some aliens to turn into a trash planet.It's not a trash planet. (It's, basically a trash planet) It's a trash planet. Okay, well--it's my trash planet! And. I already annihilated--or, am in the current process of--annihilating all the evil soulless demon people-things. All the Bad Things. It has a lot of badness. Yes, but recently less badness. Kind of. And also less water. Everyone's thirsty now. But...I mean, we always were, kind of. Especially in LA. What is your process? This is it. Look. This planet-- Trash Planet-- Trash--Look. Its full of primitive species-- OKay-- And also other things that shouldn't be there. Alright. And it's almost dead. Or dying. Or...dead already. It's dead. It's a dead trash-planet. But I can't let anything [else] happen to it. --AND DEN-- You caused an entire apocalypse. Well, they called me fat, so. Well great; What are you going to do with your dead post apocalyptic trash planet? You can't keep expanding everlasting galaxies just so you can stuff this piece of crap planet into voids. Aha-Ha. IT'S FUCKIN--AHA-- W-Wait. Where did it go? Where did he go? Where did she go? How did I get here? How DID she get there? I've been looking for you everywhere! That sucks… Where were you? Nowhere. Like, the only place I didn't check! It was the first place I checked. You checked? Yes. He wasn't there. He's not in there. He's not on the lineup. I know how to get her here. ___Dude, I don't know how you did this! How did you DO this? Look, it's a long story. Well make it a short one. *sighs* Look. I was jumping up and down, during my set, like usual--okay. OKay. So I….dropped the bass, and then… AND DEN? And then? And then…(looks off, into the distance, for a moment) I went up, the bass went down; My dick went sideways, and forward-- --sideways and forward, at the same time-- >>>Yes. It was a lot. Yo. What's his power. I don't know. I know you know. Everybody knows you know. What's his power. Ask him. Dude, I know you know it; Just tell me. “Macbook Bro” It's Apples Take on Music Production. Yo dude, these are flying off the shelves. ___ Dude. I jus' joined the mile high club. No way. Yes way. With who? Myself. Nice. It was great. __ So you're telling me-- I'm telling you--what I was told-- That they put him on a helicopter in the middle of the desert-- ---Black Rock City-- Whatever--Burning man--middle of the desert-- _-Yeah-- --Right. And then flew him to-- --”an undisclosed location”-- --okay-- ___ Okay, I actually just had a few questions about the script… Go ahead, I was wondering about this scene with Skrillex. ...Skrillex? What Skrillex? It's...pages… No. It isn't. There's no Skrillex. He is introduced as a character in Act... No, Skrillex isn't in this. He...is...I'm...looking right at it. What page? Pages 45, thru… “45” Yeah. There's no...come here. What. Come over here. Let me see. [Does.] ...what master is this... The revision I got in my email this morning. From who? From you. WHAT? BRO. YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT OUT TO THE DESERT-- ---YEAH--- --AND WE BURNED THAT-- ---YEAH--- MY ENTIRE STAFF GOT THAT IN THEIR EMAIL THIS MORNING. WHAT? I thought that was the only copy. IT WAS. WHAT THE FUCK. BRO THIS NIGGA. THIS NIGGA. NIGGA. Skrillex did A Skrillex. Three People Know About It. Skrillex is not one of those people. Woah. So. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Oh, no…. ...I just don't get it; I'm really sleepy. Well yeah...you are ...dead, so. What? I'm dead? Oh, yes. That explains it. It... actually doesn't explain anything. Do you remember what happened? Uh...I...Hmm. It's alright, take your time. What is “Time”, really? Ah, he's waking up. ___ He's not waking up. He's been like this for awhile. What do we do? Call it in. Call It in and say what? Hey, we just Michael Jackson'd Skrillex? Technically, he Michael Jackson'd himself. Technically, Michael Jackson Micheal Jackson'd himself. Oh, shit, that's right. And 9/11 was an inside job. Well yeah. --so, we're white; it's not like we'll get jail time for it-- Jail time--woah woah woah-- We'll, we're also rich so-- oh , oh yeah. Well, I mean --technically he's not--I mean--he's still alive… He's been sleeping for 3 weeks, dude. Right--so he's gotta be waking up soon, right? yeah . If you still believe in santa clause (Later) By the way, dude; Santa Clause, dude; He's-- --What? He's real too? Really real. You really can hear everything when you're in a coma. I didn't send this! It was never supposed to-- --Well. The studio likes it, they gave us the go ahead for everything this morning-- Everything waht? Well the budget, expansions. Expansions? Yeah, for the dance scenes. Dance scenes? Yeah. And. Skrillex is on his way over to discuss the contracts. Contracts? Yeah. Skrillex? Yes. Skrillex seen this? Yes. Skrillex can't see this. He... already has. No. Yeah. (just shakes head, in harsh reflection) He likes it. He's doing it. He..likes..it? Yes. He's on the way. Now? Yes. Skrillex. ...Yes, Skrillex is on the-- --BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF SKRILLEX-- BYE. Where's SUPACREE? Nobody can find her. She just--vanished. --just vanished? Yeah. What happened? (Later) Well, I did mention Skrillex... --ohhhh, you told her Skrillex was coming? That explains it. It...doesn't explain anything. Actually, nah, that explains everything. What are you talking about? ...I'm not. Rezz knows. Rezz: Knows what. Exactly. Nigga you caught a Skrillex. YEAH BITCH. Throw it back! What? Throw it back! We don't eat that! What? Throw it back. Well, I went to Skrillex this morning. How was it? They destroyed it, it's gone now. Destroyed it? IT's gone? I mean--pretty much gone; it's still there--like you can go, but when you get there it's..there's nothing there. There's Nothing there. ...did you see that? What? [There's nothing there.] ...huh..did you hear that? What? [There's nothing there] Woah, who's his best friend? Looks like this girl is-- Damn. She's hot. Hot. Feeling Hot, Hot Hot! Welp, retreat. Retreat? Retreat. We're not doing this. They're...retreating. Wat? Why would they retreat? They're turning around… Oh… And....they're gone. They left. I wonder why. DUDE, DID YOU SEE-- I know. I was like-- Yesss honey, I know. So yeah. Yeahhhhh. Now what? [They don't know.] What happened? They don't know! [Nobody knows.] Nobody knows. Skrillex knows. Wait. WHAT. Yeah, Skrillex knows. ...what? wait --how do you know? ...sometimes, I find out things.) >..about Skrillex? yeah ,man. How? Does it MATTER? ...uh...it does matter. How did you GET this? Doesn't matter. Uh. It DOES matter. I know he did it. I was THERE. What dude, you weren't there. Deadmau5: I was there. Oh yeah, Joel? He was there. So you remember that? Well, yeah. Well, I was already hanging with Dillon Francis, which was weird. --it was weird-- So when Deadmau5 shows up in the middle of it, it doesn't really matter how fucked up I am, I'm gonna remember some shit like that. What? I don't remember that happening. Huh. So you must have blacked out first. Which means I WON. Actually, I feel like we all lost. --yeah, but it didn't get really weird, until-- I AM SKRILLEX. Deadmau5: Yeah, see. Yo dude, this nigga is Skrillex. This isn't Skrillex. It's Skrillex. It's not Skrillex. I'm looking straight at him. It is Skrillex, dude. I know what I'm talking about. But you don't remember anything else about it? No, I don't. Dude. She bedazzled my dick and then did photoshoots with it. More than one? Three. One was on location. To DOctor: What? It's permanent? I mean-- Well can I at least take out this barbell and change is for something less...blingy. It's got rhinestones. Uh actually, those are real diamonds--uh, you're welcome--and --AND--? It's not just blingy; It also has bluetooth. Bluetooth for WHAT. Dude. Oh watch this. I have the app installed on my phone, I just-- Dude. What did she do to your dick? What? My DICK? Nothing. What? [They all stare.] What? It was-- What do you know about Skrillex? ...Too much, actually. Why? Okay, then you make a Right on Time. Okay, now what? Make another right. Okay… Now, at the next light , take another right. ...On TIME? Why didn't we just take a LEFT on TIME? What? He should have made it; I know he left ofn time. Right road, wrong realm. Okay. NOw what. OKay, now hit warp speed; Because the Interdimensional Galactic Special Forces Patrol is going to start chasing you. WHAT? **ALIEN SIRENS** (AND LAZERS) THIS IS REALLY COOL!! Yeah, I know; but they have nukes, so-- OH. Yeah, Run. RUN! RUNNNNNNN! Did you run? I did not run; i RAN. I RAN for my life! What. She's in IRAN? ...I RA...VE. PARTY? PARTY-PARTY. What am I looking at right now? That? That's just a Doompy Poomp. Why? WHY? I don't know. They just have them here. For WHAT? WHY? They just happen. I told you she was gonna get stuck in it. (And She did) Spiders are actually highly intelligent--and--rather humane. You know what, actually? I kind of like this. You're trapped in it, and about to get eaten. Ah...ok. OK? YOu're okay with this? WOAH! You were trapped in a spider's web? What. Yeah, once. I wouldn't recommend it, but; I guess that's what I get for trying to be a fly on the wall. WHAT DID YOU DO? I don't know how he did it, okay? What? Of course you know; you have to know. I don't know. You have to know. I don't. I just First rule of time travel: DON'T. Oh, that is the first rule. Skrillex has broken the first rule of time travel. The FIRST rule? He's broken EVERY rule. Should we let him go? We're gonna have to let him go. Wow, you fired Skrillex? You Killed Skrillex. “What, is he sick?” “No, fool--we're gonna kill him.” MUFASA MOTHERFUCKER. THAT MOTHER-FATHER. MOTHERFUCKER! How did he even get in through the-- I don't know. Which exit did he leave through? He didn't! He just (whirring noise, spiral loop, POOF) What. Is his Power. I DON'T KNOW. OOh. SKRILLEX has POWERS? Of course he has powers. Of course he has powers. He's magic. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I never thought about that. You Never thought about it? NO! Not even ONCE? NOOO! Not Even One Time? ...WELL, Now I've thought about it. HA! See. No! I don't “see!” I did NAZI that-- Yes you did. I know how to get her here. HOW? HOW. Just put Skrillex on the lineup. I can't afford to get Skrillex on the lineup. Dude. It's simple. There's literally not one simple thing about Skrillex. He's got a HUGE deck. It IS pretty massive. I had to power wash it. Twice. ___ Here. This shit is a girl blunt. I only smoke Gurl Bluntz. __ I thought you were gonna have that thing removed… Actually, I kinda like it; it's actually-- Oh. Yeah. Once you get used to it, it's kind of nice. When was the last time you went on Pornhub? I mean, I rarely-- [2 HOURS EARLIER.] Hysterical Laughter in at least 3 Dimensions. (Actually it was 6) Actually it's 9. Really it's Twelve, though. FUCK IT--ADMIT IT: WE ALL LAUGHED. Oh, dude--I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed, I'm Sorry! Alright--I admit it. I admit It. ADMIT IT! I Admit it! I Skrilex'ed Drop the e. DROP THE BASS. Oh, my God. Ohhh, my GoD. Oh, My Gaaaahhhhh Okay. Did you see it--were you there?? Yeah, I mean, I seen it-- You were there. I was therre, buttt I mean. I was there. You were not there. I was...there. Theree? I'm still there! This motherfucker right here. I guess. I mean, I guess he's a Motherfucker Doesn't look like much of a otherfucker to me. *Motherfucker. Look at this motherfucker. Mother-fucker! Mucutherfuckkin...Motherfuck. STOP SAYINTHAT! WHICH THING. ANYTHING. JUST SHUT UP. … Where are we going? I don't know we're just...going...to get there. Okay… __ DID YOU SEE WAAT THEY ADDED TO THE BASS PARADE? “Bass Parade?” Okay, that place is really cool. Okay. Now Once theHelicopter landson top of the Helipad… Okay. Okay so . Check this out. Okay. She actually pretended to hate you-- “pretended ?” And then gained a following from that-- I bet. --and then vanished all of these haters into an unknown void off the interdimensional reality grid HUh. (“Skrillex is doing a Suprise Set!) Man, Fuck Skrillex. [out of nowhere] Uh. Fuck you. Ummm. BEGONE. I don't know man People just keep--appearing in my Dungenon man, it's WEIRD --That is weird-- I mean--don't get me wrong; It's a strange blessing and everything, and believe me--my dragons are happy as fuck-- They're..wait, what of people are just appearing in your dungeon? Like-- I think they're mostly evil people. Like no-- No, like women or children, or anything. Oh, good. No, no, nothing like that. Wait. I thought a dragon was -- (Explains land of dragons) Oh That's . Wait, Did Justin Roiland ALSO go to the future? Or was it_-- wait, who was that? Whose socks are these? Socks? What socks. That never happened. What didn't. Exactly. See. He knows. Knows--what? See. Bruh. Huh. Loose Lips: Sink ships, baby--goon; Tell me. Tell Me. Deadass. Just saw Charlie Sheen in that corner over there. Word? What was he doing Nothing. He was just being Charlie Sheen in a corner (Actually, he was up to some super serious shit. ) Wait--like in a good way, or? Yeah, actually he's; He's there on PR, it's like a whole thing. Oh. So there's a DJ battle on the world of floor. Yeah. That happened. That did happen. I was there. You were. I were. oh , Believe me; I was semi-omnipotently present. Is that true? Are you at odds with Skrillex? No...I'd say we're pretty even. She photocopied it. “She photocopied it.” Oh God. Oh My God OH GOD. Should we...alert...Anybody, or just-- RUN. RUN NGGA, RUN. RUN, SONNY, RUN. Oh shit--Skrillex is in this. Fahck. FAQUE! WHAT. Huh. When did you write this? I...didn't write this. Oh--that's crazy; you mean, I've been pretty much doing whatever the whole time; but I'm like--i'm sleeping? Well, I mean, you're dead, so. So wait--that happened after I died? Okay? Okay. Okay-- so what happened to him? Unh. Yuh. That's deep. OKay look; I'm gonna be landing later. If you see something in the Sky; please do not shoot it down? Okay? I'm renting this shit. What are you doing? I Shooting down a UFO. A UFO? DUDE. I IDENTIFIED MYSELF. UFO= U FUCKIN OWE ME. Ohhh--goddamn-- okay. Dang dude, they really wanna see this fight. WHAT? What fight Okay, stay low to the ground Lower. {does} I mean like really low. Lower. [does] More. [they are crouching] Perfect, now --THE BASS DROPS--- … You wanted Skrillex, Right? ..Uh...yeah, but-- We brought Skrillex. OKay, look--how do I never, ever explain this? JUst DON'T. JUST. DON'T What the fuck dude. Well, now they're ALL on their way; Are you happy. ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ----------------------------------------------------------------- R U OK? ------------------------------------------------- Uh. Dude...how did you get in here…? She came in through the bathroom window... I don't know. More importantly; how do you get out? She's stuck She's Stuck. She's stuck in a Skrillex. Oh, she is stuck-stuck. I'll go get it. DUDE--We launched her into another dimension! (What is this?) *Jumping up and down furiously* Oh Good, her phone is dead. Heh heh heh She's completely isolated. She came alone? I mean--what else was I gonna do? So. Overall: Who Would you say fucked up the hardest? -Definitely Skrillex. -Definitely Dillon Francis. Mr. Mr Television Is a sinister Public servant and citizen Mr. Miserable listens to Millions of visions; Sends them into ascension With his exquisite musicianship. Aww--so then what--they live happily ever after? What The fuck. No. They fuckiing hate eachother. Well, that was...arguably one of the coolest things I've ever seen. You, sir, are very crunchy toast on a cold, dry morning. Um. OKay. Without butter. (Sad face.) What the fuck happened to you?! What the fuck happened to him? I heard. He got his ass whooped by Dillon Francis. What. The Fuck. YEAH. When was that? Apparently at The Event. I was at that! So was I; I was actually at that stage; I just didn't see it happen! I would pay to watch that. I paid to watch it. What. Yeah, actually; We had the watch party at my house it was.... It was random. Yeah. It was. Like, actually random. I've never seen anything like that in my life. HELLO? SKRILLEX DILLON FRANCIS! Oh shit dude, run. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © Oh, that's what I need. Phone, Wallet Nothin.

No room for error No passing judgement That one went faster I better run for cover Well-warrior, not a fighter— I'll fight to the death for ever after She said “I've never been happier” A paraphrase, actually What a celebrity All I asked was for protection The fame and wealth can wait, j guess A well warrior, never a fighter Well, As long as I'm healthy Been thinking of traveling That might be worth it I've never been so frightened, I think But always been selfish Hold on, I gotta run to another dimension I left my stomach on ice I've been eating my eyes out My son is in prison Ex husband, a fighter The wifebeating's genetic I'm just multidimensional Now the demon's behind me Over my right shoulder I took my own crucifix Like I lifted the boulder I told you I could bury my credits With the devil “You have no power here! “ If madonna's the good witch Then what of Beyoncé I took my sacrifice down to the alter. What did you want The coughs to stop haunting you What did you ask? I just asked for protection But I've been surrounded by demons Wife waters and cheating husbands Not a shaman, Just another lost one I put some miles on these runners— I clocked in 20 of em since the sabbath Give or take Or give Or take Or I'm not doing my job If Shazam isn't on I'm not doing my job If I never show up Just to run And the show must go on But if I want to try Juliard I have to work harder I have to hope for alone I had to apologize to my body I got depressed when my son went back to his father Back to alaska Where it all started —I still think about Jimmy Fallon when I'm holding a fart in. What do you cal that? A comic relief. (Or a con man) Sorry, I got off track When I got what I wanted I bought it all back at the pawn shop Just from a deposit On a long haul I'm the wrong one to fuck with By a long shot Fuck it, When I walk off, The show starts And after, An encore (Of four of em) My DJ brain's back on I gotta get to work I gotta get a job I gotta learn to twerk I should smoke more I gotta show em what I've got Never—ever tell God you're bored. GOD What's that?! NOTHIN SUNNI BLU Somebody tell these hoodlums crocs ain't shoes! I see you stomping through the ghetto With some slippers on In a rain storm What the fuck is going on Trash on the floor Your asses are done FORE! (Meanwhile, at some golf course The landlords are making sure If there are more of us, We're all dumb) I'm only suicidal When the lights are on I'm only suicidal When the night is gone It's back to morning Busses full of strangers On their cellulars I pray to God To stop the coughs She must be deaf or something GOD What. Or it's just Illuminati Gotta run to even be a thought I've been forgotten in the dust I never ever had a brother Like the one I've got (The sun I'm under) I'll never ever cry under the moon, I promise I'll never wonder if he's coming soon The answer was never But I used to wonder I used to have friends They used me I got used to being humiliated I got used to being inhuman Negative—negative. I guess it's back to deadmau5 24 hours a day I'll never sleep again But that was a vacation for the ages I got on a plane, went to bed And never got up —we didn't get far from the ground There's no room for error. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* THE WORLDENDERZ are a secret band of superheroes—their secret identities include the various roles on the overnight shift at a popular chain of super-gyms, Las Vegas Athletic Club— “The Night Shift “ A miniseries The Night Shift is a mockumentary style miniseries which follows the secret identities of a band of superheroes in their day-to-day working the graveyard shift at LVAC; before forming The a world Enders, they comedicly attempt to mask using their multi dimensional and extraterrestrial superpowers, each unknowing that they are all respectively some of the most powerful beings in the universe, however, after SUPACREE is spotted by a mole from one of the various agencies tracking her, a plan is hatched to turn the unwittingly suspicious and mysterious strangers into an intergalactic multidimensional task force, forming the WORLDENDERS. It's WORLDENDERZ. Yeah, that's what I said. With a Z. No, that's stupid. YEAH IT IS. DO IT. Alright— WORLDENDERZ The World Enders are an elite task force of super-powered extraterrestrial hybrids developed to aid in post-apocalyptic recovery and planetary regeneration after imminent doom in other worlds as well as parallel realms and realities. They all share a multitude of each other's powers, some carrying variations of respective powers and abilities, which include telepathy, invisibility, teleportation, invisibility, and super speed/strength, but also each have a set of specific special abilities unique to their individual selves. All gifted shapeshifters, they use these skills to cloak their true hidden talents and ulterior motives—though no players intention ever goes against the grain of the greater good. MELLO Gift of gab. A demon slayer and chaos magician, who uses her bubbly personality and friendly demeanor to mask her dangerous and destructive rage—which actually summons previously-slayed demons, to use against the enemy in attack. Special Ability/Secret Power: The Power of Jesus Christ. THE ORANGE JULIUS Turns junk food into nuclear energy; sometimes glows (bright neon orange) in the dark—he also makes incredible smoothies, which, if consumed, transmits some of his nuclear power to its consumer. UNC A demon slayer, who uses his shape shifting ability to appear in his 20s, but is actually 75. QUASIMODO Brings inanimate objects made from planetary or organic materials into living form, usually used for repopulating planets where a mass extinction has occurred. DOCTOR OSBORNE Doctor Osborne is paying off his medical school debt by secretly working a night job across town at a nearby gymnasium—he spends his other 16 hours as a brain surgeon, using his superpowers to save lives by performing miracles during operations in which the survival rate are slim to none; this accounts for his beyond tired and lackluster behavior during his time at the gym—however his certain onset narcolepsy is often a conviniéndote key to success in many of the world Enders missions. ORION “A real nigga” A world builder and extremely gifted seer with immense telepathic and telekinetic capabilities. Copyright [The Festival Project] 2022 C.C.S. Monroe AKLA, Inc. Everyone Is At The Event, Where Everything Happened. She broke everything in my house. Everything? Ev-er-y-thing. Hah, I broke all of his stuff. All of it? Everything, dude. Hehe. All of it. No, Like--Literally, Everyone, Ever. What did you do to this girl? _ EXCEPT… I don't get it. She hates Dillon Francis. She does— hate Dillon Francis. So why would she go to this? [They enter simultaneously.] YOU! YOU! [They charge.] EH. [She-- —- I don't get it, how do I write about magic? I don't know, just say what it looks like--- Cut To: Staring at Skrillex. [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “The World Builders” [Staring at Skrillex.] [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “Think about it; What would you do that would leave a profound effect on Skrillex. I've...been...trying to figure that out, maybe. Pi. Look, it's S U P A C R E E. Oh shit, these are DIRECTIONS. To WHERE, tho? Dude, I have something to tell you. What. It's bad. Why, what happened? It's... look, no one else can know about it, okay? Okay... Oh shit, she's a Trance artist now? Trance? I don't know how to make trance. This one time, I held my breath meditating to it, and I just-- Just what? —- That's it. It just ended. What? Yeaaauhh dude. I don't fuck with Skrillex. For a lot of reasons. … I think I might be a writer. Oh no. She's a writer. Oh, no. Oh, NO. I am not touching that with a $10,000 dollar paycheck! $!0,000--what the fuck am I gonna go with $10,000? ($10,000 is the rich people equivalent of $10) Yo. Poor people will do just about anything for $10. What? No, they won't. Yes they will--hey--watch this. Hey! [guy looks] I'll give you $10 to hop across the street on 1 foot. D1- He just does it See. D2- Does it, gets hit by a bus. See. That guy died. For $10. D3- Does it, gets hit by a bus; but is S U P A C R E E and resurrects instantly, then comes back for vengeance, capturing 2 more. What, she has their souls? Hearts and Souls. Goddamn. (Literally) Well, I told you Jesus quit, right--? Yeah, he's...he left. So you swim into port that has a boat. A boat-- Then you get on the boat. Get on the boat. That boat is going to take you to another boat. Okay, another boat. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS ANOTHER BOAT. YOU DIDN'T”T TELL ME THE FIRST ONE HAD TO SINK, TO BOARD IT. Oh, yeah, well--duh. So then--on the second boat-- Well, it's more like a really big Ferry (It's a monstrous cruise ship) Yeah, that shit made groove cruise look like...what the poor people equivalent of groove cruise? There is no “poor people equivalent” Well then--how do poor people rave on boats? They don't. That doesn't seem fair. Yeah--where's the equality? There's no such thing as equality in poverty! Actually-- HAH. THEY CALL IT “GOD'S COUNTRY” I'm not taking responsibility for this. I didn't do this. “IN GOD WE TRUST” NO, that just means; the trust is empty. It's empty. This...this used to be a reservoir. It still is...a reservoir. Of water. Oh. It's a “Christian Nation?” Christian? What's a Christian? It's-- NO. Jesus, listen. NO. YOU LISTEN: FUCK. THAT. FUCKTHAT. Oh, he was mad. He was pretty mad. He still is, mad. He is, pretty mad. Dad, what happened? It doesn't matter, it just had to happen. Why did it ‘have' to happen? If you have even to ask; I don't have an answer. Ogh, dude. I know. It's almost time to go back to work. I know. Oh, my God. I know. How long have we been in this Void--it's so random. [The whole #SQUAD is on Watch.] Hm. What is this? [A look] Can I have some? [Another look.] I like it. I want it. [The Look.] I'mma try it out. OK. __ Ask Him! He knows! How to get to Skrillex? (still censored) Yes--you know. He knows. You know, right? I don't know. What? I--? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (It didn't happen.) Fuck. NO dude, I found it--I just don't remember how… Do you remember when? Ah, I remember my first Skrillex. I don't. Oh My God dude. Flip Flops? Yes, my feet are killing me. Skrillex is in 10 minutes. Actually, 9. The Hotel is 7 minutes away.; The car is parked in Valet; If we leave now, we can make it back by the time it starts, I swear. You SWEAR? __ Ooh...Beyonce...I like her. We all like her. Give her something nice. Nice. Very nice. Very nice. What do you want her to dress as? Oh her? ...she can come as herself. [the next part] Yo FUCK the Met Gala; I'm going to THIS shit. What? You were invited? I want to be invited! How did you get an invite? ((Oh, you can't write that)) Damn right I won't. Lol, she had her dress as Beyonce. That's cold. She stole Umbrella! She stole it first! It wasn't even written for her--! It wasn't written for anybo-- Actually, it was written for ME. Oh yeah, huh. Why does this song have 32 writers on it? What the fuuuuckkk... What. We have Skrillex. Skrillex. How did you get a Skrillex? Just--Skrillex. “Just Skrillex”? The Original. Oh, shit. The Original Skrillex. Like, the first one? First one ever. Where the fuck is my Skrillex? I didn't take it. STFU “didn't take it”--Where the fuck is my Skrillex? Oh what--Skrillex? We have Skrillex! You do? Of course we do! It's paradise. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. If that man sits at a piano, I will pass out... Oh wow, he plays piano...hmm. I will faint. How did he DO this? This Volcano emits *this* frequency. Ah, try this-- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites. Oh. I know this one. Do you? Yeah! Bruh. I'm about to take a lot of drugs right now; I'm just calling to tell you that I love you. What happened? Nothing happened. I'm just like this now. What's that? Nothing! What is it? Nothing! It's Skrillex, isn't it. I don't get how he DID this. Someone give this man an honorary doctorate. Think about it like this; if all this is happening to you, and you have-- --No Grammys-- --and he's got-- --Eight Grammys. Eighth Grammys, really? Damn, what the fuck. I know, right? Right. So. If he has eight Grammys--and you have none-- --zero Grammys-- --and you're experiencing this right now-- Damn, what the fuck happened to him? She shat in my Grammys. What! All Eight of Them? YES. I didn't shit in his Grammys. You didn't? NO! Well, that's good, because-- I hired other people to shit in his Grammys. What? Best $80 I ever spent. Why are we terrorizing Skrillex? He started it. He did start it. See, this is why I like him--he doesn't ask questions. What? You hired 8 different people to shit in his Grammys. Yeah! Dude, that is disgusting! Dude. You hired three different photographers to take professional photoshoots of my dick. Look; These were all done on location; we went to Catalina...it was kind of cold though-- WHAT THE FUCK. Dude, this is like 9 lawsuits. Well, actually, one of them is a Class Action, so that's actually like a dozen actual complaints rolled into one; I don't know why they do that. {SupaCree has arranged literally “many seats” for both Skrillex, and Dillon Francis.] {Sweet Brown's Monologue: Well, Sweetie, I'll tell you what; That's a tough way to go. I'll give you one more go at it; and She Stole All of our Music! All of it? NO! Just the HITS! (awws) ‘ATROCIOUS C' ? What the fuck is THIS? Hmmm Atrocious C and the-- Wait--what was it called again? Oh shit. Black Jack Black. That was it. Right? Yeah, that was the original joke, I think. You think? Yeah, I think--But then I remembered Atrocious C Wait, Atrocious C was a real thing? YEAH dude, it was my cover band in college. COVER BAND IN COLLEGE? YEP. Black Jack Black Jack Black. Oh no. Yep, he was there. Remember that $10,000 I gave you yesterday, and you said you didn't want it? Yeah… I need it back. No. What? You said you didn't want it! Yeah, then you made me take it anyway, so I spent it! Well, what'd you spend it on?! Dude, where are we going? If I knew, then it wouldn't be an adventure! Please, no Skrillex. PUMP THE SHIT. Dude, is that Skrillex? Go the other way. What? Why? TURN AROUND . Seriously, what was that? TURN AROUND. “Turn arouuund” She wrote the whole...movie. What the fuck is a “movie”? I should record this. “record” ? OK, FIRST OF ALL. Skrillex has Magic Powers. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTTHEFUCKUPPPPPP. Wow, 14 Pages. What...language is this... -It's In English -It's in Skrillex. YOU KNOW I CAN'T READ-- Ugh, yeah, I can translate this. It's alphanumeric.. You algebraic motherfucker. Damn. Is he still over there? Yeah. Goddamn. …. Goddamn. Hey. Uh. Come in. ...it's nice in here. It is. ...did you take out a wall? Window. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Where's Dillon? Oh, he's... chillin. {Dillon Francis is sleeping like a-- No dead baby jokes. I wasn't going to make a- [He's laid out, alright.] How long has he been sleeping like this? ...I don't know...awhie. How long's “awhile”? We've been trying to call him. I know. I have his phone… That explains the inspirational breakfast messages. What? I stopped getting mine! I found your preceding messages to be in bad taste. CUT TO: Everyone is laid out. She is going through their phones. Woah. This is a lot of tits. So many tits. Tits. Tits. Tits. Oh hey--look at these. Oh, I don't like that. What is that? CUT BACk: Oh, you saw that…? I saw that. And I deleted that. And I blocked your number. (shamefully) Oh. On everyone's devices. What the fuck. Permanently. Oh. Yeah...You should go, now. [Does] Dude, she has me carrier locked with every provider in the united states; I had to get a burner just to try to get through to all of my contacts everytime I try to make call it somehow gets intercepted. Hahah. he had to get a burner. Haaaah. wow , you really did it this time. Now I can listen to their calls. What? That's impossible-- NO IT ISN'T dude. I don't know how she's doing this--it's like every time I--HELLO? --What? Hello? Hello? Hm. Haaah, I disconnected them. Dude, what are you doing to these DJs? FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJ'S. And that guy over there. Hey, who is that guy anyway? I don't know...he kind of looks familiar… Yeah, he does...I...I think I might have seen him perform once… Preform? Perform what? Music? … YEAH, HE DOES MUSIC! I REMEMBER. THIS GUY'S A DJ. ...I'm...not a DJ. HE'S A DJ. LETS GET HIM. What does he do? Who, that guy? [Skrillex.] I don't know. What's up, I'm “Not A DJ”--- YOu should probably be careful with it... Careful with it. Be careful with it, it's limited Skrillex. Limited Skrillex. Mmhmm. Lets get it. We probably shouldn't. Mm. I feel like we should Dude, it's limited. ___ Cosmo. What? You should probably stop drinking. Why? You're flying sideways. Alright. Try water. WATAAAAR!! __ Dude, how long have we been dead for? Dead for? Yeah, man. I don't know. Yeah, me neither. She didn't make it. Didn't make it? What do you mean, is she okay? No, I mean--she's dead… WHAT? That's not ok. I don't get it, what is she doing? This is just how she does it, shut up. Yeah, but what is she doing? Skrillex! He's here? He's here! I gotta go! Get gone! Skrillex?! Yuh! Fuhck! If he's here, then i'm already late. Late for what? Pretty much anything, you name it. His...Name...Is… DON'T SAY ITl DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! He's been sleeping for...several days. [Still Staring At The Sky} Who DID this!? Explain it to me! Explain it to you? I can't explain to you! Are you seeing this? I'm in it! Everything's in it! Bruh. I know, dude. A little man climbed out of my sub this morning, and I'm just saying---I don't know if I can take it. I don't know how I'd take that, either. I can't take it. There's just one thing you should know: What? When the bass drops, so do we. DROP. What did you do with Dillon Francis? I don't know. I can't remember. You don't remember. What did you do with that bitch?! I don't know! I don't remember! You don't remember? Noone remembers. Deadmau5: I remember. Deadmau5 Remembers Everything. This is why he is “like that.” WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REMEMBER. So wait--Deadmau5 knows the entire story? well , yeah. Wait, which story? All of them. What the fuck! Happy Birthday! (he is canadian, so he is morbidly polite) Thanks. You're welcome. K. So. YAH! [they both draw their rave weapons] WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU? I AM IN “THE FUCK” YOU'RE “THE FUCK”, YOU DICK. Here's your gift. [She tosses it.] Oh, Gosh--this is... actually exactly what I wanted. I know dude. UH-WHO ARE YOU? I'm YO(U) . [They do not battle. He just accepts it.] Have you seen this rock? It's...not a rock, it's… Well, have you seen it? Yeah I've seen it. It's pretty sick. Yeah… (Delirious) Oh My God--A Tiny Man...with a tiny scythe…. I am not a man. I'M NOT A WOMAN. ---he changed his name to a symbol. I'M NOT A MAN. “is _____________” a boy or girl I AM SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. Oh, Jesus Christ. What dude. What the fuck do you want? What? Wait, you're...Jesus----Jesus-Jesus??? If you insist on still calling me that, I told you ages ago... (to himself) ...that makes so much sense…Jesus… Hm? Hey wait--are you still--sleeping--kind of? *wakes instantly* Sleeping? Who's sleeping? I'm not sleeping! Chel. HUH. [they squint at each other suspiciously] WHO'S THE PINATA NOW, BITCH?! Oh, my God, Gerald! Get a hold of yourself!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Dillon--What have you done. WHAT--DID YOU--DO. Just...Voodoo. VOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (She's mad.) ((Oh, she's so mad)) (((Mad, what's that?))) Bruh. She bleached my asshole. What! Yeah. And then tie dyed it. Trending: Rainbow Taint. Bro. How did you even find out about that? -creative ways you might find out, your junk has been permanently altered. What, it's PERMANENT. Dude, how Am I supposed to explain my LITERALLY Blue Balls? --I”M BLUE DA BA DE, DA BU DI__ I thought it was “Da BU Di--Do-Bu-DI” Obblah-di, Oh Blah-da; Life goes on, brah-- La-Da-Da-Da-Life goes on. I don't know. I might be a writer. She's a writer. She's a writer! Oh No! She's a rider. Oh, that's robust. Oh My God--It was that big? (Nods) You'd never know. ...I knew it... What did you do with it? I just wrapped it around my leg and tucked it into my sock, most the time. Oh, wow. Yeah. I had to layer, the tube socks. That's--wow. Yeah. I mean. When you're right, you're right. You're right. I just get confused about it when I see him in shorts now. [in shorts.] (she cocks her head to the side and squints, staring very suspiciously) (Later) We find that -- Woah. What. This is ridiculous. It is. Skrillex is Ridiculous. It is. So wait. This dudes dick. Oh my God. Is so long-- right He just opens up a portal to another dimension, so he has some place to put it while he's doing business-- What is this. --So it doesn't get in the way. Lol. Pocket Portal. Why did you DO this? Who did this? SIR. STOP CALLING ME THAT. SIr, it was “not enough.” What? I don't get it, so he's like a psychic? Skrillex is a psychic. Mm. No. No, he isn't. Uh, yes he is. No, he's not. He's just from the future, so he knows what's in it. Oh. Which future? All of them. Wait, which human era? ... Oh, I've seen the movie. How could you see the movie, it doesn't exist yet? Oh. It exists. What? It does? Yes. And It is fucked up. Like, in a good way? just FUCKED UP. Bruh. I went to go see Skrillex last night. Oh shit. How was it? IT WAS FUCKED UP Like, in a good way? JUST-- I JUST-- I JUST, ADJUST. There. There it is. Adjust. I don't see anything. Veer Weest. There! There! Right! There! *gasps* Wait, I think I see it. I see something. Wait. Is that. Adjust. *gasp* it's moving. It is moving, It appears to be moving. I can't just leave it, they'll find it--I have to keep moving it. You can't keep moving it--the planet can't handle it. There are still humans on it! I know there are still humans on it, that's where I left them; but I can't just put it back, and I can't just leave it out here for the Inter--Galactic-- Interdimensional-- Whatever! I'm not just gonna leave it here for some aliens to turn into a trash planet.It's not a trash planet. (It's, basically a trash planet) It's a trash planet. Okay, well--it's my trash planet! And. I already annihilated--or, am in the current process of--annihilating all the evil soulless demon people-things. All the Bad Things. It has a lot of badness. Yes, but recently less badness. Kind of. And also less water. Everyone's thirsty now. But...I mean, we always were, kind of. Especially in LA. What is your process? This is it. Look. This planet-- Trash Planet-- Trash--Look. Its full of primitive species-- OKay-- And also other things that shouldn't be there. Alright. And it's almost dead. Or dying. Or...dead already. It's dead. It's a dead trash-planet. But I can't let anything [else] happen to it. --AND DEN-- You caused an entire apocalypse. Well, they called me fat, so. Well great; What are you going to do with your dead post apocalyptic trash planet? You can't keep expanding everlasting galaxies just so you can stuff this piece of crap planet into voids. Aha-Ha. IT'S FUCKIN--AHA-- W-Wait. Where did it go? Where did he go? Where did she go? How did I get here? How DID she get there? I've been looking for you everywhere! That sucks… Where were you? Nowhere. Like, the only place I didn't check! It was the first place I checked. You checked? Yes. He wasn't there. He's not in there. He's not on the lineup. I know how to get her here. ___Dude, I don't know how you did this! How did you DO this? Look, it's a long story. Well make it a short one. *sighs* Look. I was jumping up and down, during my set, like usual--okay. OKay. So I….dropped the bass, and then… AND DEN? And then? And then…(looks off, into the distance, for a moment) I went up, the bass went down; My dick went sideways, and forward-- --sideways and forward, at the same time-- >>>Yes. It was a lot. Yo. What's his power. I don't know. I know you know. Everybody knows you know. What's his power. Ask him. Dude, I know you know it; Just tell me. “Macbook Bro” It's Apples Take on Music Production. Yo dude, these are flying off the shelves. ___ Dude. I jus' joined the mile high club. No way. Yes way. With who? Myself. Nice. It was great. __ So you're telling me-- I'm telling you--what I was told-- That they put him on a helicopter in the middle of the desert-- ---Black Rock City-- Whatever--Burning man--middle of the desert-- _-Yeah-- --Right. And then flew him to-- --”an undisclosed location”-- --okay-- ___ Okay, I actually just had a few questions about the script… Go ahead, I was wondering about this scene with Skrillex. ...Skrillex? What Skrillex? It's...pages… No. It isn't. There's no Skrillex. He is introduced as a character in Act... No, Skrillex isn't in this. He...is...I'm...looking right at it. What page? Pages 45, thru… “45” Yeah. There's no...come here. What. Come over here. Let me see. [Does.] ...what master is this... The revision I got in my email this morning. From who? From you. WHAT? BRO. YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT OUT TO THE DESERT-- ---YEAH--- --AND WE BURNED THAT-- ---YEAH--- MY ENTIRE STAFF GOT THAT IN THEIR EMAIL THIS MORNING. WHAT? I thought that was the only copy. IT WAS. WHAT THE FUCK. BRO THIS NIGGA. THIS NIGGA. NIGGA. Skrillex did A Skrillex. Three People Know About It. Skrillex is not one of those people. Woah. So. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Oh, no…. ...I just don't get it; I'm really sleepy. Well yeah...you are ...dead, so. What? I'm dead? Oh, yes. That explains it. It... actually doesn't explain anything. Do you remember what happened? Uh...I...Hmm. It's alright, take your time. What is “Time”, really? Ah, he's waking up. ___ He's not waking up. He's been like this for awhile. What do we do? Call it in. Call It in and say what? Hey, we just Michael Jackson'd Skrillex? Technically, he Michael Jackson'd himself. Technically, Michael Jackson Micheal Jackson'd himself. Oh, shit, that's right. And 9/11 was an inside job. Well yeah. --so, we're white; it's not like we'll get jail time for it-- Jail time--woah woah woah-- We'll, we're also rich so-- oh , oh yeah. Well, I mean --technically he's not--I mean--he's still alive… He's been sleeping for 3 weeks, dude. Right--so he's gotta be waking up soon, right? yeah . If you still believe in santa clause (Later) By the way, dude; Santa Clause, dude; He's-- --What? He's real too? Really real. You really can hear everything when you're in a coma. I didn't send this! It was never supposed to-- --Well. The studio likes it, they gave us the go ahead for everything this morning-- Everything waht? Well the budget, expansions. Expansions? Yeah, for the dance scenes. Dance scenes? Yeah. And. Skrillex is on his way over to discuss the contracts. Contracts? Yeah. Skrillex? Yes. Skrillex seen this? Yes. Skrillex can't see this. He... already has. No. Yeah. (just shakes head, in harsh reflection) He likes it. He's doing it. He..likes..it? Yes. He's on the way. Now? Yes. Skrillex. ...Yes, Skrillex is on the-- --BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF SKRILLEX-- BYE. Where's SUPACREE? Nobody can find her. She just--vanished. --just vanished? Yeah. What happened? (Later) Well, I did mention Skrillex... --ohhhh, you told her Skrillex was coming? That explains it. It...doesn't explain anything. Actually, nah, that explains everything. What are you talking about? ...I'm not. Rezz knows. Rezz: Knows what. Exactly. Nigga you caught a Skrillex. YEAH BITCH. Throw it back! What? Throw it back! We don't eat that! What? Throw it back. Well, I went to Skrillex this morning. How was it? They destroyed it, it's gone now. Destroyed it? IT's gone? I mean--pretty much gone; it's still there--like you can go, but when you get there it's..there's nothing there. There's Nothing there. ...did you see that? What? [There's nothing there.] ...huh..did you hear that? What? [There's nothing there] Woah, who's his best friend? Looks like this girl is-- Damn. She's hot. Hot. Feeling Hot, Hot Hot! Welp, retreat. Retreat? Retreat. We're not doing this. They're...retreating. Wat? Why would they retreat? They're turning around… Oh… And....they're gone. They left. I wonder why. DUDE, DID YOU SEE-- I know. I was like-- Yesss honey, I know. So yeah. Yeahhhhh. Now what? [They don't know.] What happened? They don't know! [Nobody knows.] Nobody knows. Skrillex knows. Wait. WHAT. Yeah, Skrillex knows. ...what? wait --how do you know? ...sometimes, I find out things.) >..about Skrillex? yeah ,man. How? Does it MATTER? ...uh...it does matter. How did you GET this? Doesn't matter. Uh. It DOES matter. I know he did it. I was THERE. What dude, you weren't there. Deadmau5: I was there. Oh yeah, Joel? He was there. So you remember that? Well, yeah. Well, I was already hanging with Dillon Francis, which was weird. --it was weird-- So when Deadmau5 shows up in the middle of it, it doesn't really matter how fucked up I am, I'm gonna remember some shit like that. What? I don't remember that happening. Huh. So you must have blacked out first. Which means I WON. Actually, I feel like we all lost. --yeah, but it didn't get really weird, until-- I AM SKRILLEX. Deadmau5: Yeah, see. Yo dude, this nigga is Skrillex. This isn't Skrillex. It's Skrillex. It's not Skrillex. I'm looking straight at him. It is Skrillex, dude. I know what I'm talking about. But you don't remember anything else about it? No, I don't. Dude. She bedazzled my dick and then did photoshoots with it. More than one? Three. One was on location. To DOctor: What? It's permanent? I mean-- Well can I at least take out this barbell and change is for something less...blingy. It's got rhinestones. Uh actually, those are real diamonds--uh, you're welcome--and --AND--? It's not just blingy; It also has bluetooth. Bluetooth for WHAT. Dude. Oh watch this. I have the app installed on my phone, I just-- Dude. What did she do to your dick? What? My DICK? Nothing. What? [They all stare.] What? It was-- What do you know about Skrillex? ...Too much, actually. Why? Okay, then you make a Right on Time. Okay, now what? Make another right. Okay… Now, at the next light , take another right. ...On TIME? Why didn't we just take a LEFT on TIME? What? He should have made it; I know he left ofn time. Right road, wrong realm. Okay. NOw what. OKay, now hit warp speed; Because the Interdimensional Galactic Special Forces Patrol is going to start chasing you. WHAT? **ALIEN SIRENS** (AND LAZERS) THIS IS REALLY COOL!! Yeah, I know; but they have nukes, so-- OH. Yeah, Run. RUN! RUNNNNNNN! Did you run? I did not run; i RAN. I RAN for my life! What. She's in IRAN? ...I RA...VE. PARTY? PARTY-PARTY. What am I looking at right now? That? That's just a Doompy Poomp. Why? WHY? I don't know. They just have them here. For WHAT? WHY? They just happen. I told you she was gonna get stuck in it. (And She did) Spiders are actually highly intelligent--and--rather humane. You know what, actually? I kind of like this. You're trapped in it, and about to get eaten. Ah...ok. OK? YOu're okay with this? WOAH! You were trapped in a spider's web? What. Yeah, once. I wouldn't recommend it, but; I guess that's what I get for trying to be a fly on the wall. WHAT DID YOU DO? I don't know how he did it, okay? What? Of course you know; you have to know. I don't know. You have to know. I don't. I just First rule of time travel: DON'T. Oh, that is the first rule. Skrillex has broken the first rule of time travel. The FIRST rule? He's broken EVERY rule. Should we let him go? We're gonna have to let him go. Wow, you fired Skrillex? You Killed Skrillex. “What, is he sick?” “No, fool--we're gonna kill him.” MUFASA MOTHERFUCKER. THAT MOTHER-FATHER. MOTHERFUCKER! How did he even get in through the-- I don't know. Which exit did he leave through? He didn't! He just (whirring noise, spiral loop, POOF) What. Is his Power. I DON'T KNOW. OOh. SKRILLEX has POWERS? Of course he has powers. Of course he has powers. He's magic. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I never thought about that. You Never thought about it? NO! Not even ONCE? NOOO! Not Even One Time? ...WELL, Now I've thought about it. HA! See. No! I don't “see!” I did NAZI that-- Yes you did. I know how to get her here. HOW? HOW. Just put Skrillex on the lineup. I can't afford to get Skrillex on the lineup. Dude. It's simple. There's literally not one simple thing about Skrillex. He's got a HUGE deck. It IS pretty massive. I had to power wash it. Twice. ___ Here. This shit is a girl blunt. I only smoke Gurl Bluntz. __ I thought you were gonna have that thing removed… Actually, I kinda like it; it's actually-- Oh. Yeah. Once you get used to it, it's kind of nice. When was the last time you went on Pornhub? I mean, I rarely-- [2 HOURS EARLIER.] Hysterical Laughter in at least 3 Dimensions. (Actually it was 6) Actually it's 9. Really it's Twelve, though. FUCK IT--ADMIT IT: WE ALL LAUGHED. Oh, dude--I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed, I'm Sorry! Alright--I admit it. I admit It. ADMIT IT! I Admit it! I Skrilex'ed Drop the e. DROP THE BASS. Oh, my God. Ohhh, my GoD. Oh, My Gaaaahhhhh Okay. Did you see it--were you there?? Yeah, I mean, I seen it-- You were there. I was therre, buttt I mean. I was there. You were not there. I was...there. Theree? I'm still there! This motherfucker right here. I guess. I mean, I guess he's a Motherfucker Doesn't look like much of a otherfucker to me. *Motherfucker. Look at this motherfucker. Mother-fucker! Mucutherfuckkin...Motherfuck. STOP SAYINTHAT! WHICH THING. ANYTHING. JUST SHUT UP. … Where are we going? I don't know we're just...going...to get there. Okay… __ DID YOU SEE WAAT THEY ADDED TO THE BASS PARADE? “Bass Parade?” Okay, that place is really cool. Okay. Now Once theHelicopter landson top of the Helipad… Okay. Okay so . Check this out. Okay. She actually pretended to hate you-- “pretended ?” And then gained a following from that-- I bet. --and then vanished all of these haters into an unknown void off the interdimensional reality grid HUh. (“Skrillex is doing a Suprise Set!) Man, Fuck Skrillex. [out of nowhere] Uh. Fuck you. Ummm. BEGONE. I don't know man People just keep--appearing in my Dungenon man, it's WEIRD --That is weird-- I mean--don't get me wrong; It's a strange blessing and everything, and believe me--my dragons are happy as fuck-- They're..wait, what of people are just appearing in your dungeon? Like-- I think they're mostly evil people. Like no-- No, like women or children, or anything. Oh, good. No, no, nothing like that. Wait. I thought a dragon was -- (Explains land of dragons) Oh That's . Wait, Did Justin Roiland ALSO go to the future? Or was it_-- wait, who was that? Whose socks are these? Socks? What socks. That never happened. What didn't. Exactly. See. He knows. Knows--what? See. Bruh. Huh. Loose Lips: Sink ships, baby--goon; Tell me. Tell Me. Deadass. Just saw Charlie Sheen in that corner over there. Word? What was he doing Nothing. He was just being Charlie Sheen in a corner (Actually, he was up to some super serious shit. ) Wait--like in a good way, or? Yeah, actually he's; He's there on PR, it's like a whole thing. Oh. So there's a DJ battle on the world of floor. Yeah. That happened. That did happen. I was there. You were. I were. oh , Believe me; I was semi-omnipotently present. Is that true? Are you at odds with Skrillex? No...I'd say we're pretty even. She photocopied it. “She photocopied it.” Oh God. Oh My God OH GOD. Should we...alert...Anybody, or just-- RUN. RUN NGGA, RUN. RUN, SONNY, RUN. Oh shit--Skrillex is in this. Fahck. FAQUE! WHAT. Huh. When did you write this? I...didn't write this. Oh--that's crazy; you mean, I've been pretty much doing whatever the whole time; but I'm like--i'm sleeping? Well, I mean, you're dead, so. So wait--that happened after I died? Okay? Okay. Okay-- so what happened to him? Unh. Yuh. That's deep. OKay look; I'm gonna be landing later. If you see something in the Sky; please do not shoot it down? Okay? I'm renting this shit. What are you doing? I Shooting down a UFO. A UFO? DUDE. I IDENTIFIED MYSELF. UFO= U FUCKIN OWE ME. Ohhh--goddamn-- okay. Dang dude, they really wanna see this fight. WHAT? What fight Okay, stay low to the ground Lower. {does} I mean like really low. Lower. [does] More. [they are crouching] Perfect, now --THE BASS DROPS--- … You wanted Skrillex, Right? ..Uh...yeah, but-- We brought Skrillex. OKay, look--how do I never, ever explain this? JUst DON'T. JUST. DON'T What the fuck dude. Well, now they're ALL on their way; Are you happy. ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ----------------------------------------------------------------- R U OK? ------------------------------------------------- Uh. Dude...how did you get in here…? She came in through the bathroom window... I don't know. More importantly; how do you get out? She's stuck She's Stuck. She's stuck in a Skrillex. Oh, she is stuck-stuck. I'll go get it. DUDE--We launched her into another dimension! (What is this?) *Jumping up and down furiously* Oh Good, her phone is dead. Heh heh heh She's completely isolated. She came alone? I mean--what else was I gonna do? So. Overall: Who Would you say fucked up the hardest? -Definitely Skrillex. -Definitely Dillon Francis. Mr. Mr Television Is a sinister Public servant and citizen Mr. Miserable listens to Millions of visions; Sends them into ascension With his exquisite musicianship. Aww--so then what--they live happily ever after? What The fuck. No. They fuckiing hate eachother. Well, that was...arguably one of the coolest things I've ever seen. You, sir, are very crunchy toast on a cold, dry morning. Um. OKay. Without butter. (Sad face.) What the fuck happened to you?! What the fuck happened to him? I heard. He got his ass whooped by Dillon Francis. What. The Fuck. YEAH. When was that? Apparently at The Event. I was at that! So was I; I was actually at that stage; I just didn't see it happen! I would pay to watch that. I paid to watch it. What. Yeah, actually; We had the watch party at my house it was.... It was random. Yeah. It was. Like, actually random. I've never seen anything like that in my life. HELLO? SKRILLEX DILLON FRANCIS! Oh shit dude, run. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © Oh, that's what I need. Phone, Wallet Cause what's the difference

No room for error No passing judgement That one went faster I better run for cover Well-warrior, not a fighter— I'll fight to the death for ever after She said “I've never been happier” A paraphrase, actually What a celebrity All I asked was for protection The fame and wealth can wait, j guess A well warrior, never a fighter Well, As long as I'm healthy Been thinking of traveling That might be worth it I've never been so frightened, I think But always been selfish Hold on, I gotta run to another dimension I left my stomach on ice I've been eating my eyes out My son is in prison Ex husband, a fighter The wifebeating's genetic I'm just multidimensional Now the demon's behind me Over my right shoulder I took my own crucifix Like I lifted the boulder I told you I could bury my credits With the devil “You have no power here! “ If madonna's the good witch Then what of Beyoncé I took my sacrifice down to the alter. What did you want The coughs to stop haunting you What did you ask? I just asked for protection But I've been surrounded by demons Wife waters and cheating husbands Not a shaman, Just another lost one I put some miles on these runners— I clocked in 20 of em since the sabbath Give or take Or give Or take Or I'm not doing my job If Shazam isn't on I'm not doing my job If I never show up Just to run And the show must go on But if I want to try Juliard I have to work harder I have to hope for alone I had to apologize to my body I got depressed when my son went back to his father Back to alaska Where it all started —I still think about Jimmy Fallon when I'm holding a fart in. What do you cal that? A comic relief. (Or a con man) Sorry, I got off track When I got what I wanted I bought it all back at the pawn shop Just from a deposit On a long haul I'm the wrong one to fuck with By a long shot Fuck it, When I walk off, The show starts And after, An encore (Of four of em) My DJ brain's back on I gotta get to work I gotta get a job I gotta learn to twerk I should smoke more I gotta show em what I've got Never—ever tell God you're bored. GOD What's that?! NOTHIN SUNNI BLU Somebody tell these hoodlums crocs ain't shoes! I see you stomping through the ghetto With some slippers on In a rain storm What the fuck is going on Trash on the floor Your asses are done FORE! (Meanwhile, at some golf course The landlords are making sure If there are more of us, We're all dumb) I'm only suicidal When the lights are on I'm only suicidal When the night is gone It's back to morning Busses full of strangers On their cellulars I pray to God To stop the coughs She must be deaf or something GOD What. Or it's just Illuminati Gotta run to even be a thought I've been forgotten in the dust I never ever had a brother Like the one I've got (The sun I'm under) I'll never ever cry under the moon, I promise I'll never wonder if he's coming soon The answer was never But I used to wonder I used to have friends They used me I got used to being humiliated I got used to being inhuman Negative—negative. I guess it's back to deadmau5 24 hours a day I'll never sleep again But that was a vacation for the ages I got on a plane, went to bed And never got up —we didn't get far from the ground There's no room for error. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* THE WORLDENDERZ are a secret band of superheroes—their secret identities include the various roles on the overnight shift at a popular chain of super-gyms, Las Vegas Athletic Club— “The Night Shift “ A miniseries The Night Shift is a mockumentary style miniseries which follows the secret identities of a band of superheroes in their day-to-day working the graveyard shift at LVAC; before forming The a world Enders, they comedicly attempt to mask using their multi dimensional and extraterrestrial superpowers, each unknowing that they are all respectively some of the most powerful beings in the universe, however, after SUPACREE is spotted by a mole from one of the various agencies tracking her, a plan is hatched to turn the unwittingly suspicious and mysterious strangers into an intergalactic multidimensional task force, forming the WORLDENDERS. It's WORLDENDERZ. Yeah, that's what I said. With a Z. No, that's stupid. YEAH IT IS. DO IT. Alright— WORLDENDERZ The World Enders are an elite task force of super-powered extraterrestrial hybrids developed to aid in post-apocalyptic recovery and planetary regeneration after imminent doom in other worlds as well as parallel realms and realities. They all share a multitude of each other's powers, some carrying variations of respective powers and abilities, which include telepathy, invisibility, teleportation, invisibility, and super speed/strength, but also each have a set of specific special abilities unique to their individual selves. All gifted shapeshifters, they use these skills to cloak their true hidden talents and ulterior motives—though no players intention ever goes against the grain of the greater good. MELLO Gift of gab. A demon slayer and chaos magician, who uses her bubbly personality and friendly demeanor to mask her dangerous and destructive rage—which actually summons previously-slayed demons, to use against the enemy in attack. Special Ability/Secret Power: The Power of Jesus Christ. THE ORANGE JULIUS Turns junk food into nuclear energy; sometimes glows (bright neon orange) in the dark—he also makes incredible smoothies, which, if consumed, transmits some of his nuclear power to its consumer. UNC A demon slayer, who uses his shape shifting ability to appear in his 20s, but is actually 75. QUASIMODO Brings inanimate objects made from planetary or organic materials into living form, usually used for repopulating planets where a mass extinction has occurred. DOCTOR OSBORNE Doctor Osborne is paying off his medical school debt by secretly working a night job across town at a nearby gymnasium—he spends his other 16 hours as a brain surgeon, using his superpowers to save lives by performing miracles during operations in which the survival rate are slim to none; this accounts for his beyond tired and lackluster behavior during his time at the gym—however his certain onset narcolepsy is often a conviniéndote key to success in many of the world Enders missions. ORION “A real nigga” A world builder and extremely gifted seer with immense telepathic and telekinetic capabilities. Copyright [The Festival Project] 2022 C.C.S. Monroe AKLA, Inc. Everyone Is At The Event, Where Everything Happened. She broke everything in my house. Everything? Ev-er-y-thing. Hah, I broke all of his stuff. All of it? Everything, dude. Hehe. All of it. No, Like--Literally, Everyone, Ever. What did you do to this girl? _ EXCEPT… I don't get it. She hates Dillon Francis. She does— hate Dillon Francis. So why would she go to this? [They enter simultaneously.] YOU! YOU! [They charge.] EH. [She-- —- I don't get it, how do I write about magic? I don't know, just say what it looks like--- Cut To: Staring at Skrillex. [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “The World Builders” [Staring at Skrillex.] [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “Think about it; What would you do that would leave a profound effect on Skrillex. I've...been...trying to figure that out, maybe. Pi. Look, it's S U P A C R E E. Oh shit, these are DIRECTIONS. To WHERE, tho? Dude, I have something to tell you. What. It's bad. Why, what happened? It's... look, no one else can know about it, okay? Okay... Oh shit, she's a Trance artist now? Trance? I don't know how to make trance. This one time, I held my breath meditating to it, and I just-- Just what? —- That's it. It just ended. What? Yeaaauhh dude. I don't fuck with Skrillex. For a lot of reasons. … I think I might be a writer. Oh no. She's a writer. Oh, no. Oh, NO. I am not touching that with a $10,000 dollar paycheck! $!0,000--what the fuck am I gonna go with $10,000? ($10,000 is the rich people equivalent of $10) Yo. Poor people will do just about anything for $10. What? No, they won't. Yes they will--hey--watch this. Hey! [guy looks] I'll give you $10 to hop across the street on 1 foot. D1- He just does it See. D2- Does it, gets hit by a bus. See. That guy died. For $10. D3- Does it, gets hit by a bus; but is S U P A C R E E and resurrects instantly, then comes back for vengeance, capturing 2 more. What, she has their souls? Hearts and Souls. Goddamn. (Literally) Well, I told you Jesus quit, right--? Yeah, he's...he left. So you swim into port that has a boat. A boat-- Then you get on the boat. Get on the boat. That boat is going to take you to another boat. Okay, another boat. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS ANOTHER BOAT. YOU DIDN'T”T TELL ME THE FIRST ONE HAD TO SINK, TO BOARD IT. Oh, yeah, well--duh. So then--on the second boat-- Well, it's more like a really big Ferry (It's a monstrous cruise ship) Yeah, that shit made groove cruise look like...what the poor people equivalent of groove cruise? There is no “poor people equivalent” Well then--how do poor people rave on boats? They don't. That doesn't seem fair. Yeah--where's the equality? There's no such thing as equality in poverty! Actually-- HAH. THEY CALL IT “GOD'S COUNTRY” I'm not taking responsibility for this. I didn't do this. “IN GOD WE TRUST” NO, that just means; the trust is empty. It's empty. This...this used to be a reservoir. It still is...a reservoir. Of water. Oh. It's a “Christian Nation?” Christian? What's a Christian? It's-- NO. Jesus, listen. NO. YOU LISTEN: FUCK. THAT. FUCKTHAT. Oh, he was mad. He was pretty mad. He still is, mad. He is, pretty mad. Dad, what happened? It doesn't matter, it just had to happen. Why did it ‘have' to happen? If you have even to ask; I don't have an answer. Ogh, dude. I know. It's almost time to go back to work. I know. Oh, my God. I know. How long have we been in this Void--it's so random. [The whole #SQUAD is on Watch.] Hm. What is this? [A look] Can I have some? [Another look.] I like it. I want it. [The Look.] I'mma try it out. OK. __ Ask Him! He knows! How to get to Skrillex? (still censored) Yes--you know. He knows. You know, right? I don't know. What? I--? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (It didn't happen.) Fuck. NO dude, I found it--I just don't remember how… Do you remember when? Ah, I remember my first Skrillex. I don't. Oh My God dude. Flip Flops? Yes, my feet are killing me. Skrillex is in 10 minutes. Actually, 9. The Hotel is 7 minutes away.; The car is parked in Valet; If we leave now, we can make it back by the time it starts, I swear. You SWEAR? __ Ooh...Beyonce...I like her. We all like her. Give her something nice. Nice. Very nice. Very nice. What do you want her to dress as? Oh her? ...she can come as herself. [the next part] Yo FUCK the Met Gala; I'm going to THIS shit. What? You were invited? I want to be invited! How did you get an invite? ((Oh, you can't write that)) Damn right I won't. Lol, she had her dress as Beyonce. That's cold. She stole Umbrella! She stole it first! It wasn't even written for her--! It wasn't written for anybo-- Actually, it was written for ME. Oh yeah, huh. Why does this song have 32 writers on it? What the fuuuuckkk... What. We have Skrillex. Skrillex. How did you get a Skrillex? Just--Skrillex. “Just Skrillex”? The Original. Oh, shit. The Original Skrillex. Like, the first one? First one ever. Where the fuck is my Skrillex? I didn't take it. STFU “didn't take it”--Where the fuck is my Skrillex? Oh what--Skrillex? We have Skrillex! You do? Of course we do! It's paradise. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. If that man sits at a piano, I will pass out... Oh wow, he plays piano...hmm. I will faint. How did he DO this? This Volcano emits *this* frequency. Ah, try this-- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites. Oh. I know this one. Do you? Yeah! Bruh. I'm about to take a lot of drugs right now; I'm just calling to tell you that I love you. What happened? Nothing happened. I'm just like this now. What's that? Nothing! What is it? Nothing! It's Skrillex, isn't it. I don't get how he DID this. Someone give this man an honorary doctorate. Think about it like this; if all this is happening to you, and you have-- --No Grammys-- --and he's got-- --Eight Grammys. Eighth Grammys, really? Damn, what the fuck. I know, right? Right. So. If he has eight Grammys--and you have none-- --zero Grammys-- --and you're experiencing this right now-- Damn, what the fuck happened to him? She shat in my Grammys. What! All Eight of Them? YES. I didn't shit in his Grammys. You didn't? NO! Well, that's good, because-- I hired other people to shit in his Grammys. What? Best $80 I ever spent. Why are we terrorizing Skrillex? He started it. He did start it. See, this is why I like him--he doesn't ask questions. What? You hired 8 different people to shit in his Grammys. Yeah! Dude, that is disgusting! Dude. You hired three different photographers to take professional photoshoots of my dick. Look; These were all done on location; we went to Catalina...it was kind of cold though-- WHAT THE FUCK. Dude, this is like 9 lawsuits. Well, actually, one of them is a Class Action, so that's actually like a dozen actual complaints rolled into one; I don't know why they do that. {SupaCree has arranged literally “many seats” for both Skrillex, and Dillon Francis.] {Sweet Brown's Monologue: Well, Sweetie, I'll tell you what; That's a tough way to go. I'll give you one more go at it; and She Stole All of our Music! All of it? NO! Just the HITS! (awws) ‘ATROCIOUS C' ? What the fuck is THIS? Hmmm Atrocious C and the-- Wait--what was it called again? Oh shit. Black Jack Black. That was it. Right? Yeah, that was the original joke, I think. You think? Yeah, I think--But then I remembered Atrocious C Wait, Atrocious C was a real thing? YEAH dude, it was my cover band in college. COVER BAND IN COLLEGE? YEP. Black Jack Black Jack Black. Oh no. Yep, he was there. Remember that $10,000 I gave you yesterday, and you said you didn't want it? Yeah… I need it back. No. What? You said you didn't want it! Yeah, then you made me take it anyway, so I spent it! Well, what'd you spend it on?! Dude, where are we going? If I knew, then it wouldn't be an adventure! Please, no Skrillex. PUMP THE SHIT. Dude, is that Skrillex? Go the other way. What? Why? TURN AROUND . Seriously, what was that? TURN AROUND. “Turn arouuund” She wrote the whole...movie. What the fuck is a “movie”? I should record this. “record” ? OK, FIRST OF ALL. Skrillex has Magic Powers. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTTHEFUCKUPPPPPP. Wow, 14 Pages. What...language is this... -It's In English -It's in Skrillex. YOU KNOW I CAN'T READ-- Ugh, yeah, I can translate this. It's alphanumeric.. You algebraic motherfucker. Damn. Is he still over there? Yeah. Goddamn. …. Goddamn. Hey. Uh. Come in. ...it's nice in here. It is. ...did you take out a wall? Window. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Where's Dillon? Oh, he's... chillin. {Dillon Francis is sleeping like a-- No dead baby jokes. I wasn't going to make a- [He's laid out, alright.] How long has he been sleeping like this? ...I don't know...awhie. How long's “awhile”? We've been trying to call him. I know. I have his phone… That explains the inspirational breakfast messages. What? I stopped getting mine! I found your preceding messages to be in bad taste. CUT TO: Everyone is laid out. She is going through their phones. Woah. This is a lot of tits. So many tits. Tits. Tits. Tits. Oh hey--look at these. Oh, I don't like that. What is that? CUT BACk: Oh, you saw that…? I saw that. And I deleted that. And I blocked your number. (shamefully) Oh. On everyone's devices. What the fuck. Permanently. Oh. Yeah...You should go, now. [Does] Dude, she has me carrier locked with every provider in the united states; I had to get a burner just to try to get through to all of my contacts everytime I try to make call it somehow gets intercepted. Hahah. he had to get a burner. Haaaah. wow , you really did it this time. Now I can listen to their calls. What? That's impossible-- NO IT ISN'T dude. I don't know how she's doing this--it's like every time I--HELLO? --What? Hello? Hello? Hm. Haaah, I disconnected them. Dude, what are you doing to these DJs? FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJ'S. And that guy over there. Hey, who is that guy anyway? I don't know...he kind of looks familiar… Yeah, he does...I...I think I might have seen him perform once… Preform? Perform what? Music? … YEAH, HE DOES MUSIC! I REMEMBER. THIS GUY'S A DJ. ...I'm...not a DJ. HE'S A DJ. LETS GET HIM. What does he do? Who, that guy? [Skrillex.] I don't know. What's up, I'm “Not A DJ”--- YOu should probably be careful with it... Careful with it. Be careful with it, it's limited Skrillex. Limited Skrillex. Mmhmm. Lets get it. We probably shouldn't. Mm. I feel like we should Dude, it's limited. ___ Cosmo. What? You should probably stop drinking. Why? You're flying sideways. Alright. Try water. WATAAAAR!! __ Dude, how long have we been dead for? Dead for? Yeah, man. I don't know. Yeah, me neither. She didn't make it. Didn't make it? What do you mean, is she okay? No, I mean--she's dead… WHAT? That's not ok. I don't get it, what is she doing? This is just how she does it, shut up. Yeah, but what is she doing? Skrillex! He's here? He's here! I gotta go! Get gone! Skrillex?! Yuh! Fuhck! If he's here, then i'm already late. Late for what? Pretty much anything, you name it. His...Name...Is… DON'T SAY ITl DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! He's been sleeping for...several days. [Still Staring At The Sky} Who DID this!? Explain it to me! Explain it to you? I can't explain to you! Are you seeing this? I'm in it! Everything's in it! Bruh. I know, dude. A little man climbed out of my sub this morning, and I'm just saying---I don't know if I can take it. I don't know how I'd take that, either. I can't take it. There's just one thing you should know: What? When the bass drops, so do we. DROP. What did you do with Dillon Francis? I don't know. I can't remember. You don't remember. What did you do with that bitch?! I don't know! I don't remember! You don't remember? Noone remembers. Deadmau5: I remember. Deadmau5 Remembers Everything. This is why he is “like that.” WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REMEMBER. So wait--Deadmau5 knows the entire story? well , yeah. Wait, which story? All of them. What the fuck! Happy Birthday! (he is canadian, so he is morbidly polite) Thanks. You're welcome. K. So. YAH! [they both draw their rave weapons] WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU? I AM IN “THE FUCK” YOU'RE “THE FUCK”, YOU DICK. Here's your gift. [She tosses it.] Oh, Gosh--this is... actually exactly what I wanted. I know dude. UH-WHO ARE YOU? I'm YO(U) . [They do not battle. He just accepts it.] Have you seen this rock? It's...not a rock, it's… Well, have you seen it? Yeah I've seen it. It's pretty sick. Yeah… (Delirious) Oh My God--A Tiny Man...with a tiny scythe…. I am not a man. I'M NOT A WOMAN. ---he changed his name to a symbol. I'M NOT A MAN. “is _____________” a boy or girl I AM SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. Oh, Jesus Christ. What dude. What the fuck do you want? What? Wait, you're...Jesus----Jesus-Jesus??? If you insist on still calling me that, I told you ages ago... (to himself) ...that makes so much sense…Jesus… Hm? Hey wait--are you still--sleeping--kind of? *wakes instantly* Sleeping? Who's sleeping? I'm not sleeping! Chel. HUH. [they squint at each other suspiciously] WHO'S THE PINATA NOW, BITCH?! Oh, my God, Gerald! Get a hold of yourself!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Dillon--What have you done. WHAT--DID YOU--DO. Just...Voodoo. VOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (She's mad.) ((Oh, she's so mad)) (((Mad, what's that?))) Bruh. She bleached my asshole. What! Yeah. And then tie dyed it. Trending: Rainbow Taint. Bro. How did you even find out about that? -creative ways you might find out, your junk has been permanently altered. What, it's PERMANENT. Dude, how Am I supposed to explain my LITERALLY Blue Balls? --I”M BLUE DA BA DE, DA BU DI__ I thought it was “Da BU Di--Do-Bu-DI” Obblah-di, Oh Blah-da; Life goes on, brah-- La-Da-Da-Da-Life goes on. I don't know. I might be a writer. She's a writer. She's a writer! Oh No! She's a rider. Oh, that's robust. Oh My God--It was that big? (Nods) You'd never know. ...I knew it... What did you do with it? I just wrapped it around my leg and tucked it into my sock, most the time. Oh, wow. Yeah. I had to layer, the tube socks. That's--wow. Yeah. I mean. When you're right, you're right. You're right. I just get confused about it when I see him in shorts now. [in shorts.] (she cocks her head to the side and squints, staring very suspiciously) (Later) We find that -- Woah. What. This is ridiculous. It is. Skrillex is Ridiculous. It is. So wait. This dudes dick. Oh my God. Is so long-- right He just opens up a portal to another dimension, so he has some place to put it while he's doing business-- What is this. --So it doesn't get in the way. Lol. Pocket Portal. Why did you DO this? Who did this? SIR. STOP CALLING ME THAT. SIr, it was “not enough.” What? I don't get it, so he's like a psychic? Skrillex is a psychic. Mm. No. No, he isn't. Uh, yes he is. No, he's not. He's just from the future, so he knows what's in it. Oh. Which future? All of them. Wait, which human era? ... Oh, I've seen the movie. How could you see the movie, it doesn't exist yet? Oh. It exists. What? It does? Yes. And It is fucked up. Like, in a good way? just FUCKED UP. Bruh. I went to go see Skrillex last night. Oh shit. How was it? IT WAS FUCKED UP Like, in a good way? JUST-- I JUST-- I JUST, ADJUST. There. There it is. Adjust. I don't see anything. Veer Weest. There! There! Right! There! *gasps* Wait, I think I see it. I see something. Wait. Is that. Adjust. *gasp* it's moving. It is moving, It appears to be moving. I can't just leave it, they'll find it--I have to keep moving it. You can't keep moving it--the planet can't handle it. There are still humans on it! I know there are still humans on it, that's where I left them; but I can't just put it back, and I can't just leave it out here for the Inter--Galactic-- Interdimensional-- Whatever! I'm not just gonna leave it here for some aliens to turn into a trash planet.It's not a trash planet. (It's, basically a trash planet) It's a trash planet. Okay, well--it's my trash planet! And. I already annihilated--or, am in the current process of--annihilating all the evil soulless demon people-things. All the Bad Things. It has a lot of badness. Yes, but recently less badness. Kind of. And also less water. Everyone's thirsty now. But...I mean, we always were, kind of. Especially in LA. What is your process? This is it. Look. This planet-- Trash Planet-- Trash--Look. Its full of primitive species-- OKay-- And also other things that shouldn't be there. Alright. And it's almost dead. Or dying. Or...dead already. It's dead. It's a dead trash-planet. But I can't let anything [else] happen to it. --AND DEN-- You caused an entire apocalypse. Well, they called me fat, so. Well great; What are you going to do with your dead post apocalyptic trash planet? You can't keep expanding everlasting galaxies just so you can stuff this piece of crap planet into voids. Aha-Ha. IT'S FUCKIN--AHA-- W-Wait. Where did it go? Where did he go? Where did she go? How did I get here? How DID she get there? I've been looking for you everywhere! That sucks… Where were you? Nowhere. Like, the only place I didn't check! It was the first place I checked. You checked? Yes. He wasn't there. He's not in there. He's not on the lineup. I know how to get her here. ___Dude, I don't know how you did this! How did you DO this? Look, it's a long story. Well make it a short one. *sighs* Look. I was jumping up and down, during my set, like usual--okay. OKay. So I….dropped the bass, and then… AND DEN? And then? And then…(looks off, into the distance, for a moment) I went up, the bass went down; My dick went sideways, and forward-- --sideways and forward, at the same time-- >>>Yes. It was a lot. Yo. What's his power. I don't know. I know you know. Everybody knows you know. What's his power. Ask him. Dude, I know you know it; Just tell me. “Macbook Bro” It's Apples Take on Music Production. Yo dude, these are flying off the shelves. ___ Dude. I jus' joined the mile high club. No way. Yes way. With who? Myself. Nice. It was great. __ So you're telling me-- I'm telling you--what I was told-- That they put him on a helicopter in the middle of the desert-- ---Black Rock City-- Whatever--Burning man--middle of the desert-- _-Yeah-- --Right. And then flew him to-- --”an undisclosed location”-- --okay-- ___ Okay, I actually just had a few questions about the script… Go ahead, I was wondering about this scene with Skrillex. ...Skrillex? What Skrillex? It's...pages… No. It isn't. There's no Skrillex. He is introduced as a character in Act... No, Skrillex isn't in this. He...is...I'm...looking right at it. What page? Pages 45, thru… “45” Yeah. There's no...come here. What. Come over here. Let me see. [Does.] ...what master is this... The revision I got in my email this morning. From who? From you. WHAT? BRO. YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT OUT TO THE DESERT-- ---YEAH--- --AND WE BURNED THAT-- ---YEAH--- MY ENTIRE STAFF GOT THAT IN THEIR EMAIL THIS MORNING. WHAT? I thought that was the only copy. IT WAS. WHAT THE FUCK. BRO THIS NIGGA. THIS NIGGA. NIGGA. Skrillex did A Skrillex. Three People Know About It. Skrillex is not one of those people. Woah. So. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Oh, no…. ...I just don't get it; I'm really sleepy. Well yeah...you are ...dead, so. What? I'm dead? Oh, yes. That explains it. It... actually doesn't explain anything. Do you remember what happened? Uh...I...Hmm. It's alright, take your time. What is “Time”, really? Ah, he's waking up. ___ He's not waking up. He's been like this for awhile. What do we do? Call it in. Call It in and say what? Hey, we just Michael Jackson'd Skrillex? Technically, he Michael Jackson'd himself. Technically, Michael Jackson Micheal Jackson'd himself. Oh, shit, that's right. And 9/11 was an inside job. Well yeah. --so, we're white; it's not like we'll get jail time for it-- Jail time--woah woah woah-- We'll, we're also rich so-- oh , oh yeah. Well, I mean --technically he's not--I mean--he's still alive… He's been sleeping for 3 weeks, dude. Right--so he's gotta be waking up soon, right? yeah . If you still believe in santa clause (Later) By the way, dude; Santa Clause, dude; He's-- --What? He's real too? Really real. You really can hear everything when you're in a coma. I didn't send this! It was never supposed to-- --Well. The studio likes it, they gave us the go ahead for everything this morning-- Everything waht? Well the budget, expansions. Expansions? Yeah, for the dance scenes. Dance scenes? Yeah. And. Skrillex is on his way over to discuss the contracts. Contracts? Yeah. Skrillex? Yes. Skrillex seen this? Yes. Skrillex can't see this. He... already has. No. Yeah. (just shakes head, in harsh reflection) He likes it. He's doing it. He..likes..it? Yes. He's on the way. Now? Yes. Skrillex. ...Yes, Skrillex is on the-- --BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF SKRILLEX-- BYE. Where's SUPACREE? Nobody can find her. She just--vanished. --just vanished? Yeah. What happened? (Later) Well, I did mention Skrillex... --ohhhh, you told her Skrillex was coming? That explains it. It...doesn't explain anything. Actually, nah, that explains everything. What are you talking about? ...I'm not. Rezz knows. Rezz: Knows what. Exactly. Nigga you caught a Skrillex. YEAH BITCH. Throw it back! What? Throw it back! We don't eat that! What? Throw it back. Well, I went to Skrillex this morning. How was it? They destroyed it, it's gone now. Destroyed it? IT's gone? I mean--pretty much gone; it's still there--like you can go, but when you get there it's..there's nothing there. There's Nothing there. ...did you see that? What? [There's nothing there.] ...huh..did you hear that? What? [There's nothing there] Woah, who's his best friend? Looks like this girl is-- Damn. She's hot. Hot. Feeling Hot, Hot Hot! Welp, retreat. Retreat? Retreat. We're not doing this. They're...retreating. Wat? Why would they retreat? They're turning around… Oh… And....they're gone. They left. I wonder why. DUDE, DID YOU SEE-- I know. I was like-- Yesss honey, I know. So yeah. Yeahhhhh. Now what? [They don't know.] What happened? They don't know! [Nobody knows.] Nobody knows. Skrillex knows. Wait. WHAT. Yeah, Skrillex knows. ...what? wait --how do you know? ...sometimes, I find out things.) >..about Skrillex? yeah ,man. How? Does it MATTER? ...uh...it does matter. How did you GET this? Doesn't matter. Uh. It DOES matter. I know he did it. I was THERE. What dude, you weren't there. Deadmau5: I was there. Oh yeah, Joel? He was there. So you remember that? Well, yeah. Well, I was already hanging with Dillon Francis, which was weird. --it was weird-- So when Deadmau5 shows up in the middle of it, it doesn't really matter how fucked up I am, I'm gonna remember some shit like that. What? I don't remember that happening. Huh. So you must have blacked out first. Which means I WON. Actually, I feel like we all lost. --yeah, but it didn't get really weird, until-- I AM SKRILLEX. Deadmau5: Yeah, see. Yo dude, this nigga is Skrillex. This isn't Skrillex. It's Skrillex. It's not Skrillex. I'm looking straight at him. It is Skrillex, dude. I know what I'm talking about. But you don't remember anything else about it? No, I don't. Dude. She bedazzled my dick and then did photoshoots with it. More than one? Three. One was on location. To DOctor: What? It's permanent? I mean-- Well can I at least take out this barbell and change is for something less...blingy. It's got rhinestones. Uh actually, those are real diamonds--uh, you're welcome--and --AND--? It's not just blingy; It also has bluetooth. Bluetooth for WHAT. Dude. Oh watch this. I have the app installed on my phone, I just-- Dude. What did she do to your dick? What? My DICK? Nothing. What? [They all stare.] What? It was-- What do you know about Skrillex? ...Too much, actually. Why? Okay, then you make a Right on Time. Okay, now what? Make another right. Okay… Now, at the next light , take another right. ...On TIME? Why didn't we just take a LEFT on TIME? What? He should have made it; I know he left ofn time. Right road, wrong realm. Okay. NOw what. OKay, now hit warp speed; Because the Interdimensional Galactic Special Forces Patrol is going to start chasing you. WHAT? **ALIEN SIRENS** (AND LAZERS) THIS IS REALLY COOL!! Yeah, I know; but they have nukes, so-- OH. Yeah, Run. RUN! RUNNNNNNN! Did you run? I did not run; i RAN. I RAN for my life! What. She's in IRAN? ...I RA...VE. PARTY? PARTY-PARTY. What am I looking at right now? That? That's just a Doompy Poomp. Why? WHY? I don't know. They just have them here. For WHAT? WHY? They just happen. I told you she was gonna get stuck in it. (And She did) Spiders are actually highly intelligent--and--rather humane. You know what, actually? I kind of like this. You're trapped in it, and about to get eaten. Ah...ok. OK? YOu're okay with this? WOAH! You were trapped in a spider's web? What. Yeah, once. I wouldn't recommend it, but; I guess that's what I get for trying to be a fly on the wall. WHAT DID YOU DO? I don't know how he did it, okay? What? Of course you know; you have to know. I don't know. You have to know. I don't. I just First rule of time travel: DON'T. Oh, that is the first rule. Skrillex has broken the first rule of time travel. The FIRST rule? He's broken EVERY rule. Should we let him go? We're gonna have to let him go. Wow, you fired Skrillex? You Killed Skrillex. “What, is he sick?” “No, fool--we're gonna kill him.” MUFASA MOTHERFUCKER. THAT MOTHER-FATHER. MOTHERFUCKER! How did he even get in through the-- I don't know. Which exit did he leave through? He didn't! He just (whirring noise, spiral loop, POOF) What. Is his Power. I DON'T KNOW. OOh. SKRILLEX has POWERS? Of course he has powers. Of course he has powers. He's magic. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I never thought about that. You Never thought about it? NO! Not even ONCE? NOOO! Not Even One Time? ...WELL, Now I've thought about it. HA! See. No! I don't “see!” I did NAZI that-- Yes you did. I know how to get her here. HOW? HOW. Just put Skrillex on the lineup. I can't afford to get Skrillex on the lineup. Dude. It's simple. There's literally not one simple thing about Skrillex. He's got a HUGE deck. It IS pretty massive. I had to power wash it. Twice. ___ Here. This shit is a girl blunt. I only smoke Gurl Bluntz. __ I thought you were gonna have that thing removed… Actually, I kinda like it; it's actually-- Oh. Yeah. Once you get used to it, it's kind of nice. When was the last time you went on Pornhub? I mean, I rarely-- [2 HOURS EARLIER.] Hysterical Laughter in at least 3 Dimensions. (Actually it was 6) Actually it's 9. Really it's Twelve, though. FUCK IT--ADMIT IT: WE ALL LAUGHED. Oh, dude--I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed, I'm Sorry! Alright--I admit it. I admit It. ADMIT IT! I Admit it! I Skrilex'ed Drop the e. DROP THE BASS. Oh, my God. Ohhh, my GoD. Oh, My Gaaaahhhhh Okay. Did you see it--were you there?? Yeah, I mean, I seen it-- You were there. I was therre, buttt I mean. I was there. You were not there. I was...there. Theree? I'm still there! This motherfucker right here. I guess. I mean, I guess he's a Motherfucker Doesn't look like much of a otherfucker to me. *Motherfucker. Look at this motherfucker. Mother-fucker! Mucutherfuckkin...Motherfuck. STOP SAYINTHAT! WHICH THING. ANYTHING. JUST SHUT UP. … Where are we going? I don't know we're just...going...to get there. Okay… __ DID YOU SEE WAAT THEY ADDED TO THE BASS PARADE? “Bass Parade?” Okay, that place is really cool. Okay. Now Once theHelicopter landson top of the Helipad… Okay. Okay so . Check this out. Okay. She actually pretended to hate you-- “pretended ?” And then gained a following from that-- I bet. --and then vanished all of these haters into an unknown void off the interdimensional reality grid HUh. (“Skrillex is doing a Suprise Set!) Man, Fuck Skrillex. [out of nowhere] Uh. Fuck you. Ummm. BEGONE. I don't know man People just keep--appearing in my Dungenon man, it's WEIRD --That is weird-- I mean--don't get me wrong; It's a strange blessing and everything, and believe me--my dragons are happy as fuck-- They're..wait, what of people are just appearing in your dungeon? Like-- I think they're mostly evil people. Like no-- No, like women or children, or anything. Oh, good. No, no, nothing like that. Wait. I thought a dragon was -- (Explains land of dragons) Oh That's . Wait, Did Justin Roiland ALSO go to the future? Or was it_-- wait, who was that? Whose socks are these? Socks? What socks. That never happened. What didn't. Exactly. See. He knows. Knows--what? See. Bruh. Huh. Loose Lips: Sink ships, baby--goon; Tell me. Tell Me. Deadass. Just saw Charlie Sheen in that corner over there. Word? What was he doing Nothing. He was just being Charlie Sheen in a corner (Actually, he was up to some super serious shit. ) Wait--like in a good way, or? Yeah, actually he's; He's there on PR, it's like a whole thing. Oh. So there's a DJ battle on the world of floor. Yeah. That happened. That did happen. I was there. You were. I were. oh , Believe me; I was semi-omnipotently present. Is that true? Are you at odds with Skrillex? No...I'd say we're pretty even. She photocopied it. “She photocopied it.” Oh God. Oh My God OH GOD. Should we...alert...Anybody, or just-- RUN. RUN NGGA, RUN. RUN, SONNY, RUN. Oh shit--Skrillex is in this. Fahck. FAQUE! WHAT. Huh. When did you write this? I...didn't write this. Oh--that's crazy; you mean, I've been pretty much doing whatever the whole time; but I'm like--i'm sleeping? Well, I mean, you're dead, so. So wait--that happened after I died? Okay? Okay. Okay-- so what happened to him? Unh. Yuh. That's deep. OKay look; I'm gonna be landing later. If you see something in the Sky; please do not shoot it down? Okay? I'm renting this shit. What are you doing? I Shooting down a UFO. A UFO? DUDE. I IDENTIFIED MYSELF. UFO= U FUCKIN OWE ME. Ohhh--goddamn-- okay. Dang dude, they really wanna see this fight. WHAT? What fight Okay, stay low to the ground Lower. {does} I mean like really low. Lower. [does] More. [they are crouching] Perfect, now --THE BASS DROPS--- … You wanted Skrillex, Right? ..Uh...yeah, but-- We brought Skrillex. OKay, look--how do I never, ever explain this? JUst DON'T. JUST. DON'T What the fuck dude. Well, now they're ALL on their way; Are you happy. ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ----------------------------------------------------------------- R U OK? ------------------------------------------------- Uh. Dude...how did you get in here…? She came in through the bathroom window... I don't know. More importantly; how do you get out? She's stuck She's Stuck. She's stuck in a Skrillex. Oh, she is stuck-stuck. I'll go get it. DUDE--We launched her into another dimension! (What is this?) *Jumping up and down furiously* Oh Good, her phone is dead. Heh heh heh She's completely isolated. She came alone? I mean--what else was I gonna do? So. Overall: Who Would you say fucked up the hardest? -Definitely Skrillex. -Definitely Dillon Francis. Mr. Mr Television Is a sinister Public servant and citizen Mr. Miserable listens to Millions of visions; Sends them into ascension With his exquisite musicianship. Aww--so then what--they live happily ever after? What The fuck. No. They fuckiing hate eachother. Well, that was...arguably one of the coolest things I've ever seen. You, sir, are very crunchy toast on a cold, dry morning. Um. OKay. Without butter. (Sad face.) What the fuck happened to you?! What the fuck happened to him? I heard. He got his ass whooped by Dillon Francis. What. The Fuck. YEAH. When was that? Apparently at The Event. I was at that! So was I; I was actually at that stage; I just didn't see it happen! I would pay to watch that. I paid to watch it. What. Yeah, actually; We had the watch party at my house it was.... It was random. Yeah. It was. Like, actually random. I've never seen anything like that in my life. HELLO? SKRILLEX DILLON FRANCIS! Oh shit dude, run. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © Oh, that's what I need. Phone, Wallet

No room for error No passing judgement That one went faster I better run for cover Well-warrior, not a fighter— I'll fight to the death for ever after She said “I've never been happier” A paraphrase, actually What a celebrity All I asked was for protection The fame and wealth can wait, j guess A well warrior, never a fighter Well, As long as I'm healthy Been thinking of traveling That might be worth it I've never been so frightened, I think But always been selfish Hold on, I gotta run to another dimension I left my stomach on ice I've been eating my eyes out My son is in prison Ex husband, a fighter The wifebeating's genetic I'm just multidimensional Now the demon's behind me Over my right shoulder I took my own crucifix Like I lifted the boulder I told you I could bury my credits With the devil “You have no power here! “ If madonna's the good witch Then what of Beyoncé I took my sacrifice down to the alter. What did you want The coughs to stop haunting you What did you ask? I just asked for protection But I've been surrounded by demons Wife waters and cheating husbands Not a shaman, Just another lost one I put some miles on these runners— I clocked in 20 of em since the sabbath Give or take Or give Or take Or I'm not doing my job If Shazam isn't on I'm not doing my job If I never show up Just to run And the show must go on But if I want to try Juliard I have to work harder I have to hope for alone I had to apologize to my body I got depressed when my son went back to his father Back to alaska Where it all started —I still think about Jimmy Fallon when I'm holding a fart in. What do you cal that? A comic relief. (Or a con man) Sorry, I got off track When I got what I wanted I bought it all back at the pawn shop Just from a deposit On a long haul I'm the wrong one to fuck with By a long shot Fuck it, When I walk off, The show starts And after, An encore (Of four of em) My DJ brain's back on I gotta get to work I gotta get a job I gotta learn to twerk I should smoke more I gotta show em what I've got Never—ever tell God you're bored. GOD What's that?! NOTHIN SUNNI BLU Somebody tell these hoodlums crocs ain't shoes! I see you stomping through the ghetto With some slippers on In a rain storm What the fuck is going on Trash on the floor Your asses are done FORE! (Meanwhile, at some golf course The landlords are making sure If there are more of us, We're all dumb) I'm only suicidal When the lights are on I'm only suicidal When the night is gone It's back to morning Busses full of strangers On their cellulars I pray to God To stop the coughs She must be deaf or something GOD What. Or it's just Illuminati Gotta run to even be a thought I've been forgotten in the dust I never ever had a brother Like the one I've got (The sun I'm under) I'll never ever cry under the moon, I promise I'll never wonder if he's coming soon The answer was never But I used to wonder I used to have friends They used me I got used to being humiliated I got used to being inhuman Negative—negative. I guess it's back to deadmau5 24 hours a day I'll never sleep again But that was a vacation for the ages I got on a plane, went to bed And never got up —we didn't get far from the ground There's no room for error. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* THE WORLDENDERZ are a secret band of superheroes—their secret identities include the various roles on the overnight shift at a popular chain of super-gyms, Las Vegas Athletic Club— “The Night Shift “ A miniseries The Night Shift is a mockumentary style miniseries which follows the secret identities of a band of superheroes in their day-to-day working the graveyard shift at LVAC; before forming The a world Enders, they comedicly attempt to mask using their multi dimensional and extraterrestrial superpowers, each unknowing that they are all respectively some of the most powerful beings in the universe, however, after SUPACREE is spotted by a mole from one of the various agencies tracking her, a plan is hatched to turn the unwittingly suspicious and mysterious strangers into an intergalactic multidimensional task force, forming the WORLDENDERS. It's WORLDENDERZ. Yeah, that's what I said. With a Z. No, that's stupid. YEAH IT IS. DO IT. Alright— WORLDENDERZ The World Enders are an elite task force of super-powered extraterrestrial hybrids developed to aid in post-apocalyptic recovery and planetary regeneration after imminent doom in other worlds as well as parallel realms and realities. They all share a multitude of each other's powers, some carrying variations of respective powers and abilities, which include telepathy, invisibility, teleportation, invisibility, and super speed/strength, but also each have a set of specific special abilities unique to their individual selves. All gifted shapeshifters, they use these skills to cloak their true hidden talents and ulterior motives—though no players intention ever goes against the grain of the greater good. MELLO Gift of gab. A demon slayer and chaos magician, who uses her bubbly personality and friendly demeanor to mask her dangerous and destructive rage—which actually summons previously-slayed demons, to use against the enemy in attack. Special Ability/Secret Power: The Power of Jesus Christ. THE ORANGE JULIUS Turns junk food into nuclear energy; sometimes glows (bright neon orange) in the dark—he also makes incredible smoothies, which, if consumed, transmits some of his nuclear power to its consumer. UNC A demon slayer, who uses his shape shifting ability to appear in his 20s, but is actually 75. QUASIMODO Brings inanimate objects made from planetary or organic materials into living form, usually used for repopulating planets where a mass extinction has occurred. DOCTOR OSBORNE Doctor Osborne is paying off his medical school debt by secretly working a night job across town at a nearby gymnasium—he spends his other 16 hours as a brain surgeon, using his superpowers to save lives by performing miracles during operations in which the survival rate are slim to none; this accounts for his beyond tired and lackluster behavior during his time at the gym—however his certain onset narcolepsy is often a conviniéndote key to success in many of the world Enders missions. ORION “A real nigga” A world builder and extremely gifted seer with immense telepathic and telekinetic capabilities. Copyright [The Festival Project] 2022 C.C.S. Monroe AKLA, Inc. Everyone Is At The Event, Where Everything Happened. She broke everything in my house. Everything? Ev-er-y-thing. Hah, I broke all of his stuff. All of it? Everything, dude. Hehe. All of it. No, Like--Literally, Everyone, Ever. What did you do to this girl? _ EXCEPT… I don't get it. She hates Dillon Francis. She does— hate Dillon Francis. So why would she go to this? [They enter simultaneously.] YOU! YOU! [They charge.] EH. [She-- —- I don't get it, how do I write about magic? I don't know, just say what it looks like--- Cut To: Staring at Skrillex. [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “The World Builders” [Staring at Skrillex.] [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “Think about it; What would you do that would leave a profound effect on Skrillex. I've...been...trying to figure that out, maybe. Pi. Look, it's S U P A C R E E. Oh shit, these are DIRECTIONS. To WHERE, tho? Dude, I have something to tell you. What. It's bad. Why, what happened? It's... look, no one else can know about it, okay? Okay... Oh shit, she's a Trance artist now? Trance? I don't know how to make trance. This one time, I held my breath meditating to it, and I just-- Just what? —- That's it. It just ended. What? Yeaaauhh dude. I don't fuck with Skrillex. For a lot of reasons. … I think I might be a writer. Oh no. She's a writer. Oh, no. Oh, NO. I am not touching that with a $10,000 dollar paycheck! $!0,000--what the fuck am I gonna go with $10,000? ($10,000 is the rich people equivalent of $10) Yo. Poor people will do just about anything for $10. What? No, they won't. Yes they will--hey--watch this. Hey! [guy looks] I'll give you $10 to hop across the street on 1 foot. D1- He just does it See. D2- Does it, gets hit by a bus. See. That guy died. For $10. D3- Does it, gets hit by a bus; but is S U P A C R E E and resurrects instantly, then comes back for vengeance, capturing 2 more. What, she has their souls? Hearts and Souls. Goddamn. (Literally) Well, I told you Jesus quit, right--? Yeah, he's...he left. So you swim into port that has a boat. A boat-- Then you get on the boat. Get on the boat. That boat is going to take you to another boat. Okay, another boat. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS ANOTHER BOAT. YOU DIDN'T”T TELL ME THE FIRST ONE HAD TO SINK, TO BOARD IT. Oh, yeah, well--duh. So then--on the second boat-- Well, it's more like a really big Ferry (It's a monstrous cruise ship) Yeah, that shit made groove cruise look like...what the poor people equivalent of groove cruise? There is no “poor people equivalent” Well then--how do poor people rave on boats? They don't. That doesn't seem fair. Yeah--where's the equality? There's no such thing as equality in poverty! Actually-- HAH. THEY CALL IT “GOD'S COUNTRY” I'm not taking responsibility for this. I didn't do this. “IN GOD WE TRUST” NO, that just means; the trust is empty. It's empty. This...this used to be a reservoir. It still is...a reservoir. Of water. Oh. It's a “Christian Nation?” Christian? What's a Christian? It's-- NO. Jesus, listen. NO. YOU LISTEN: FUCK. THAT. FUCKTHAT. Oh, he was mad. He was pretty mad. He still is, mad. He is, pretty mad. Dad, what happened? It doesn't matter, it just had to happen. Why did it ‘have' to happen? If you have even to ask; I don't have an answer. Ogh, dude. I know. It's almost time to go back to work. I know. Oh, my God. I know. How long have we been in this Void--it's so random. [The whole #SQUAD is on Watch.] Hm. What is this? [A look] Can I have some? [Another look.] I like it. I want it. [The Look.] I'mma try it out. OK. __ Ask Him! He knows! How to get to Skrillex? (still censored) Yes--you know. He knows. You know, right? I don't know. What? I--? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (It didn't happen.) Fuck. NO dude, I found it--I just don't remember how… Do you remember when? Ah, I remember my first Skrillex. I don't. Oh My God dude. Flip Flops? Yes, my feet are killing me. Skrillex is in 10 minutes. Actually, 9. The Hotel is 7 minutes away.; The car is parked in Valet; If we leave now, we can make it back by the time it starts, I swear. You SWEAR? __ Ooh...Beyonce...I like her. We all like her. Give her something nice. Nice. Very nice. Very nice. What do you want her to dress as? Oh her? ...she can come as herself. [the next part] Yo FUCK the Met Gala; I'm going to THIS shit. What? You were invited? I want to be invited! How did you get an invite? ((Oh, you can't write that)) Damn right I won't. Lol, she had her dress as Beyonce. That's cold. She stole Umbrella! She stole it first! It wasn't even written for her--! It wasn't written for anybo-- Actually, it was written for ME. Oh yeah, huh. Why does this song have 32 writers on it? What the fuuuuckkk... What. We have Skrillex. Skrillex. How did you get a Skrillex? Just--Skrillex. “Just Skrillex”? The Original. Oh, shit. The Original Skrillex. Like, the first one? First one ever. Where the fuck is my Skrillex? I didn't take it. STFU “didn't take it”--Where the fuck is my Skrillex? Oh what--Skrillex? We have Skrillex! You do? Of course we do! It's paradise. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. If that man sits at a piano, I will pass out... Oh wow, he plays piano...hmm. I will faint. How did he DO this? This Volcano emits *this* frequency. Ah, try this-- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites. Oh. I know this one. Do you? Yeah! Bruh. I'm about to take a lot of drugs right now; I'm just calling to tell you that I love you. What happened? Nothing happened. I'm just like this now. What's that? Nothing! What is it? Nothing! It's Skrillex, isn't it. I don't get how he DID this. Someone give this man an honorary doctorate. Think about it like this; if all this is happening to you, and you have-- --No Grammys-- --and he's got-- --Eight Grammys. Eighth Grammys, really? Damn, what the fuck. I know, right? Right. So. If he has eight Grammys--and you have none-- --zero Grammys-- --and you're experiencing this right now-- Damn, what the fuck happened to him? She shat in my Grammys. What! All Eight of Them? YES. I didn't shit in his Grammys. You didn't? NO! Well, that's good, because-- I hired other people to shit in his Grammys. What? Best $80 I ever spent. Why are we terrorizing Skrillex? He started it. He did start it. See, this is why I like him--he doesn't ask questions. What? You hired 8 different people to shit in his Grammys. Yeah! Dude, that is disgusting! Dude. You hired three different photographers to take professional photoshoots of my dick. Look; These were all done on location; we went to Catalina...it was kind of cold though-- WHAT THE FUCK. Dude, this is like 9 lawsuits. Well, actually, one of them is a Class Action, so that's actually like a dozen actual complaints rolled into one; I don't know why they do that. {SupaCree has arranged literally “many seats” for both Skrillex, and Dillon Francis.] {Sweet Brown's Monologue: Well, Sweetie, I'll tell you what; That's a tough way to go. I'll give you one more go at it; and She Stole All of our Music! All of it? NO! Just the HITS! (awws) ‘ATROCIOUS C' ? What the fuck is THIS? Hmmm Atrocious C and the-- Wait--what was it called again? Oh shit. Black Jack Black. That was it. Right? Yeah, that was the original joke, I think. You think? Yeah, I think--But then I remembered Atrocious C Wait, Atrocious C was a real thing? YEAH dude, it was my cover band in college. COVER BAND IN COLLEGE? YEP. Black Jack Black Jack Black. Oh no. Yep, he was there. Remember that $10,000 I gave you yesterday, and you said you didn't want it? Yeah… I need it back. No. What? You said you didn't want it! Yeah, then you made me take it anyway, so I spent it! Well, what'd you spend it on?! Dude, where are we going? If I knew, then it wouldn't be an adventure! Please, no Skrillex. PUMP THE SHIT. Dude, is that Skrillex? Go the other way. What? Why? TURN AROUND . Seriously, what was that? TURN AROUND. “Turn arouuund” She wrote the whole...movie. What the fuck is a “movie”? I should record this. “record” ? OK, FIRST OF ALL. Skrillex has Magic Powers. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTTHEFUCKUPPPPPP. Wow, 14 Pages. What...language is this... -It's In English -It's in Skrillex. YOU KNOW I CAN'T READ-- Ugh, yeah, I can translate this. It's alphanumeric.. You algebraic motherfucker. Damn. Is he still over there? Yeah. Goddamn. …. Goddamn. Hey. Uh. Come in. ...it's nice in here. It is. ...did you take out a wall? Window. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Where's Dillon? Oh, he's... chillin. {Dillon Francis is sleeping like a-- No dead baby jokes. I wasn't going to make a- [He's laid out, alright.] How long has he been sleeping like this? ...I don't know...awhie. How long's “awhile”? We've been trying to call him. I know. I have his phone… That explains the inspirational breakfast messages. What? I stopped getting mine! I found your preceding messages to be in bad taste. CUT TO: Everyone is laid out. She is going through their phones. Woah. This is a lot of tits. So many tits. Tits. Tits. Tits. Oh hey--look at these. Oh, I don't like that. What is that? CUT BACk: Oh, you saw that…? I saw that. And I deleted that. And I blocked your number. (shamefully) Oh. On everyone's devices. What the fuck. Permanently. Oh. Yeah...You should go, now. [Does] Dude, she has me carrier locked with every provider in the united states; I had to get a burner just to try to get through to all of my contacts everytime I try to make call it somehow gets intercepted. Hahah. he had to get a burner. Haaaah. wow , you really did it this time. Now I can listen to their calls. What? That's impossible-- NO IT ISN'T dude. I don't know how she's doing this--it's like every time I--HELLO? --What? Hello? Hello? Hm. Haaah, I disconnected them. Dude, what are you doing to these DJs? FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJ'S. And that guy over there. Hey, who is that guy anyway? I don't know...he kind of looks familiar… Yeah, he does...I...I think I might have seen him perform once… Preform? Perform what? Music? … YEAH, HE DOES MUSIC! I REMEMBER. THIS GUY'S A DJ. ...I'm...not a DJ. HE'S A DJ. LETS GET HIM. What does he do? Who, that guy? [Skrillex.] I don't know. What's up, I'm “Not A DJ”--- YOu should probably be careful with it... Careful with it. Be careful with it, it's limited Skrillex. Limited Skrillex. Mmhmm. Lets get it. We probably shouldn't. Mm. I feel like we should Dude, it's limited. ___ Cosmo. What? You should probably stop drinking. Why? You're flying sideways. Alright. Try water. WATAAAAR!! __ Dude, how long have we been dead for? Dead for? Yeah, man. I don't know. Yeah, me neither. She didn't make it. Didn't make it? What do you mean, is she okay? No, I mean--she's dead… WHAT? That's not ok. I don't get it, what is she doing? This is just how she does it, shut up. Yeah, but what is she doing? Skrillex! He's here? He's here! I gotta go! Get gone! Skrillex?! Yuh! Fuhck! If he's here, then i'm already late. Late for what? Pretty much anything, you name it. His...Name...Is… DON'T SAY ITl DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! He's been sleeping for...several days. [Still Staring At The Sky} Who DID this!? Explain it to me! Explain it to you? I can't explain to you! Are you seeing this? I'm in it! Everything's in it! Bruh. I know, dude. A little man climbed out of my sub this morning, and I'm just saying---I don't know if I can take it. I don't know how I'd take that, either. I can't take it. There's just one thing you should know: What? When the bass drops, so do we. DROP. What did you do with Dillon Francis? I don't know. I can't remember. You don't remember. What did you do with that bitch?! I don't know! I don't remember! You don't remember? Noone remembers. Deadmau5: I remember. Deadmau5 Remembers Everything. This is why he is “like that.” WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REMEMBER. So wait--Deadmau5 knows the entire story? well , yeah. Wait, which story? All of them. What the fuck! Happy Birthday! (he is canadian, so he is morbidly polite) Thanks. You're welcome. K. So. YAH! [they both draw their rave weapons] WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU? I AM IN “THE FUCK” YOU'RE “THE FUCK”, YOU DICK. Here's your gift. [She tosses it.] Oh, Gosh--this is... actually exactly what I wanted. I know dude. UH-WHO ARE YOU? I'm YO(U) . [They do not battle. He just accepts it.] Have you seen this rock? It's...not a rock, it's… Well, have you seen it? Yeah I've seen it. It's pretty sick. Yeah… (Delirious) Oh My God--A Tiny Man...with a tiny scythe…. I am not a man. I'M NOT A WOMAN. ---he changed his name to a symbol. I'M NOT A MAN. “is _____________” a boy or girl I AM SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. Oh, Jesus Christ. What dude. What the fuck do you want? What? Wait, you're...Jesus----Jesus-Jesus??? If you insist on still calling me that, I told you ages ago... (to himself) ...that makes so much sense…Jesus… Hm? Hey wait--are you still--sleeping--kind of? *wakes instantly* Sleeping? Who's sleeping? I'm not sleeping! Chel. HUH. [they squint at each other suspiciously] WHO'S THE PINATA NOW, BITCH?! Oh, my God, Gerald! Get a hold of yourself!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Dillon--What have you done. WHAT--DID YOU--DO. Just...Voodoo. VOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (She's mad.) ((Oh, she's so mad)) (((Mad, what's that?))) Bruh. She bleached my asshole. What! Yeah. And then tie dyed it. Trending: Rainbow Taint. Bro. How did you even find out about that? -creative ways you might find out, your junk has been permanently altered. What, it's PERMANENT. Dude, how Am I supposed to explain my LITERALLY Blue Balls? --I”M BLUE DA BA DE, DA BU DI__ I thought it was “Da BU Di--Do-Bu-DI” Obblah-di, Oh Blah-da; Life goes on, brah-- La-Da-Da-Da-Life goes on. I don't know. I might be a writer. She's a writer. She's a writer! Oh No! She's a rider. Oh, that's robust. Oh My God--It was that big? (Nods) You'd never know. ...I knew it... What did you do with it? I just wrapped it around my leg and tucked it into my sock, most the time. Oh, wow. Yeah. I had to layer, the tube socks. That's--wow. Yeah. I mean. When you're right, you're right. You're right. I just get confused about it when I see him in shorts now. [in shorts.] (she cocks her head to the side and squints, staring very suspiciously) (Later) We find that -- Woah. What. This is ridiculous. It is. Skrillex is Ridiculous. It is. So wait. This dudes dick. Oh my God. Is so long-- right He just opens up a portal to another dimension, so he has some place to put it while he's doing business-- What is this. --So it doesn't get in the way. Lol. Pocket Portal. Why did you DO this? Who did this? SIR. STOP CALLING ME THAT. SIr, it was “not enough.” What? I don't get it, so he's like a psychic? Skrillex is a psychic. Mm. No. No, he isn't. Uh, yes he is. No, he's not. He's just from the future, so he knows what's in it. Oh. Which future? All of them. Wait, which human era? ... Oh, I've seen the movie. How could you see the movie, it doesn't exist yet? Oh. It exists. What? It does? Yes. And It is fucked up. Like, in a good way? just FUCKED UP. Bruh. I went to go see Skrillex last night. Oh shit. How was it? IT WAS FUCKED UP Like, in a good way? JUST-- I JUST-- I JUST, ADJUST. There. There it is. Adjust. I don't see anything. Veer Weest. There! There! Right! There! *gasps* Wait, I think I see it. I see something. Wait. Is that. Adjust. *gasp* it's moving. It is moving, It appears to be moving. I can't just leave it, they'll find it--I have to keep moving it. You can't keep moving it--the planet can't handle it. There are still humans on it! I know there are still humans on it, that's where I left them; but I can't just put it back, and I can't just leave it out here for the Inter--Galactic-- Interdimensional-- Whatever! I'm not just gonna leave it here for some aliens to turn into a trash planet.It's not a trash planet. (It's, basically a trash planet) It's a trash planet. Okay, well--it's my trash planet! And. I already annihilated--or, am in the current process of--annihilating all the evil soulless demon people-things. All the Bad Things. It has a lot of badness. Yes, but recently less badness. Kind of. And also less water. Everyone's thirsty now. But...I mean, we always were, kind of. Especially in LA. What is your process? This is it. Look. This planet-- Trash Planet-- Trash--Look. Its full of primitive species-- OKay-- And also other things that shouldn't be there. Alright. And it's almost dead. Or dying. Or...dead already. It's dead. It's a dead trash-planet. But I can't let anything [else] happen to it. --AND DEN-- You caused an entire apocalypse. Well, they called me fat, so. Well great; What are you going to do with your dead post apocalyptic trash planet? You can't keep expanding everlasting galaxies just so you can stuff this piece of crap planet into voids. Aha-Ha. IT'S FUCKIN--AHA-- W-Wait. Where did it go? Where did he go? Where did she go? How did I get here? How DID she get there? I've been looking for you everywhere! That sucks… Where were you? Nowhere. Like, the only place I didn't check! It was the first place I checked. You checked? Yes. He wasn't there. He's not in there. He's not on the lineup. I know how to get her here. ___Dude, I don't know how you did this! How did you DO this? Look, it's a long story. Well make it a short one. *sighs* Look. I was jumping up and down, during my set, like usual--okay. OKay. So I….dropped the bass, and then… AND DEN? And then? And then…(looks off, into the distance, for a moment) I went up, the bass went down; My dick went sideways, and forward-- --sideways and forward, at the same time-- >>>Yes. It was a lot. Yo. What's his power. I don't know. I know you know. Everybody knows you know. What's his power. Ask him. Dude, I know you know it; Just tell me. “Macbook Bro” It's Apples Take on Music Production. Yo dude, these are flying off the shelves. ___ Dude. I jus' joined the mile high club. No way. Yes way. With who? Myself. Nice. It was great. __ So you're telling me-- I'm telling you--what I was told-- That they put him on a helicopter in the middle of the desert-- ---Black Rock City-- Whatever--Burning man--middle of the desert-- _-Yeah-- --Right. And then flew him to-- --”an undisclosed location”-- --okay-- ___ Okay, I actually just had a few questions about the script… Go ahead, I was wondering about this scene with Skrillex. ...Skrillex? What Skrillex? It's...pages… No. It isn't. There's no Skrillex. He is introduced as a character in Act... No, Skrillex isn't in this. He...is...I'm...looking right at it. What page? Pages 45, thru… “45” Yeah. There's no...come here. What. Come over here. Let me see. [Does.] ...what master is this... The revision I got in my email this morning. From who? From you. WHAT? BRO. YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT OUT TO THE DESERT-- ---YEAH--- --AND WE BURNED THAT-- ---YEAH--- MY ENTIRE STAFF GOT THAT IN THEIR EMAIL THIS MORNING. WHAT? I thought that was the only copy. IT WAS. WHAT THE FUCK. BRO THIS NIGGA. THIS NIGGA. NIGGA. Skrillex did A Skrillex. Three People Know About It. Skrillex is not one of those people. Woah. So. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Oh, no…. ...I just don't get it; I'm really sleepy. Well yeah...you are ...dead, so. What? I'm dead? Oh, yes. That explains it. It... actually doesn't explain anything. Do you remember what happened? Uh...I...Hmm. It's alright, take your time. What is “Time”, really? Ah, he's waking up. ___ He's not waking up. He's been like this for awhile. What do we do? Call it in. Call It in and say what? Hey, we just Michael Jackson'd Skrillex? Technically, he Michael Jackson'd himself. Technically, Michael Jackson Micheal Jackson'd himself. Oh, shit, that's right. And 9/11 was an inside job. Well yeah. --so, we're white; it's not like we'll get jail time for it-- Jail time--woah woah woah-- We'll, we're also rich so-- oh , oh yeah. Well, I mean --technically he's not--I mean--he's still alive… He's been sleeping for 3 weeks, dude. Right--so he's gotta be waking up soon, right? yeah . If you still believe in santa clause (Later) By the way, dude; Santa Clause, dude; He's-- --What? He's real too? Really real. You really can hear everything when you're in a coma. I didn't send this! It was never supposed to-- --Well. The studio likes it, they gave us the go ahead for everything this morning-- Everything waht? Well the budget, expansions. Expansions? Yeah, for the dance scenes. Dance scenes? Yeah. And. Skrillex is on his way over to discuss the contracts. Contracts? Yeah. Skrillex? Yes. Skrillex seen this? Yes. Skrillex can't see this. He... already has. No. Yeah. (just shakes head, in harsh reflection) He likes it. He's doing it. He..likes..it? Yes. He's on the way. Now? Yes. Skrillex. ...Yes, Skrillex is on the-- --BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF SKRILLEX-- BYE. Where's SUPACREE? Nobody can find her. She just--vanished. --just vanished? Yeah. What happened? (Later) Well, I did mention Skrillex... --ohhhh, you told her Skrillex was coming? That explains it. It...doesn't explain anything. Actually, nah, that explains everything. What are you talking about? ...I'm not. Rezz knows. Rezz: Knows what. Exactly. Nigga you caught a Skrillex. YEAH BITCH. Throw it back! What? Throw it back! We don't eat that! What? Throw it back. Well, I went to Skrillex this morning. How was it? They destroyed it, it's gone now. Destroyed it? IT's gone? I mean--pretty much gone; it's still there--like you can go, but when you get there it's..there's nothing there. There's Nothing there. ...did you see that? What? [There's nothing there.] ...huh..did you hear that? What? [There's nothing there] Woah, who's his best friend? Looks like this girl is-- Damn. She's hot. Hot. Feeling Hot, Hot Hot! Welp, retreat. Retreat? Retreat. We're not doing this. They're...retreating. Wat? Why would they retreat? They're turning around… Oh… And....they're gone. They left. I wonder why. DUDE, DID YOU SEE-- I know. I was like-- Yesss honey, I know. So yeah. Yeahhhhh. Now what? [They don't know.] What happened? They don't know! [Nobody knows.] Nobody knows. Skrillex knows. Wait. WHAT. Yeah, Skrillex knows. ...what? wait --how do you know? ...sometimes, I find out things.) >..about Skrillex? yeah ,man. How? Does it MATTER? ...uh...it does matter. How did you GET this? Doesn't matter. Uh. It DOES matter. I know he did it. I was THERE. What dude, you weren't there. Deadmau5: I was there. Oh yeah, Joel? He was there. So you remember that? Well, yeah. Well, I was already hanging with Dillon Francis, which was weird. --it was weird-- So when Deadmau5 shows up in the middle of it, it doesn't really matter how fucked up I am, I'm gonna remember some shit like that. What? I don't remember that happening. Huh. So you must have blacked out first. Which means I WON. Actually, I feel like we all lost. --yeah, but it didn't get really weird, until-- I AM SKRILLEX. Deadmau5: Yeah, see. Yo dude, this nigga is Skrillex. This isn't Skrillex. It's Skrillex. It's not Skrillex. I'm looking straight at him. It is Skrillex, dude. I know what I'm talking about. But you don't remember anything else about it? No, I don't. Dude. She bedazzled my dick and then did photoshoots with it. More than one? Three. One was on location. To DOctor: What? It's permanent? I mean-- Well can I at least take out this barbell and change is for something less...blingy. It's got rhinestones. Uh actually, those are real diamonds--uh, you're welcome--and --AND--? It's not just blingy; It also has bluetooth. Bluetooth for WHAT. Dude. Oh watch this. I have the app installed on my phone, I just-- Dude. What did she do to your dick? What? My DICK? Nothing. What? [They all stare.] What? It was-- What do you know about Skrillex? ...Too much, actually. Why? Okay, then you make a Right on Time. Okay, now what? Make another right. Okay… Now, at the next light , take another right. ...On TIME? Why didn't we just take a LEFT on TIME? What? He should have made it; I know he left ofn time. Right road, wrong realm. Okay. NOw what. OKay, now hit warp speed; Because the Interdimensional Galactic Special Forces Patrol is going to start chasing you. WHAT? **ALIEN SIRENS** (AND LAZERS) THIS IS REALLY COOL!! Yeah, I know; but they have nukes, so-- OH. Yeah, Run. RUN! RUNNNNNNN! Did you run? I did not run; i RAN. I RAN for my life! What. She's in IRAN? ...I RA...VE. PARTY? PARTY-PARTY. What am I looking at right now? That? That's just a Doompy Poomp. Why? WHY? I don't know. They just have them here. For WHAT? WHY? They just happen. I told you she was gonna get stuck in it. (And She did) Spiders are actually highly intelligent--and--rather humane. You know what, actually? I kind of like this. You're trapped in it, and about to get eaten. Ah...ok. OK? YOu're okay with this? WOAH! You were trapped in a spider's web? What. Yeah, once. I wouldn't recommend it, but; I guess that's what I get for trying to be a fly on the wall. WHAT DID YOU DO? I don't know how he did it, okay? What? Of course you know; you have to know. I don't know. You have to know. I don't. I just First rule of time travel: DON'T. Oh, that is the first rule. Skrillex has broken the first rule of time travel. The FIRST rule? He's broken EVERY rule. Should we let him go? We're gonna have to let him go. Wow, you fired Skrillex? You Killed Skrillex. “What, is he sick?” “No, fool--we're gonna kill him.” MUFASA MOTHERFUCKER. THAT MOTHER-FATHER. MOTHERFUCKER! How did he even get in through the-- I don't know. Which exit did he leave through? He didn't! He just (whirring noise, spiral loop, POOF) What. Is his Power. I DON'T KNOW. OOh. SKRILLEX has POWERS? Of course he has powers. Of course he has powers. He's magic. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I never thought about that. You Never thought about it? NO! Not even ONCE? NOOO! Not Even One Time? ...WELL, Now I've thought about it. HA! See. No! I don't “see!” I did NAZI that-- Yes you did. I know how to get her here. HOW? HOW. Just put Skrillex on the lineup. I can't afford to get Skrillex on the lineup. Dude. It's simple. There's literally not one simple thing about Skrillex. He's got a HUGE deck. It IS pretty massive. I had to power wash it. Twice. ___ Here. This shit is a girl blunt. I only smoke Gurl Bluntz. __ I thought you were gonna have that thing removed… Actually, I kinda like it; it's actually-- Oh. Yeah. Once you get used to it, it's kind of nice. When was the last time you went on Pornhub? I mean, I rarely-- [2 HOURS EARLIER.] Hysterical Laughter in at least 3 Dimensions. (Actually it was 6) Actually it's 9. Really it's Twelve, though. FUCK IT--ADMIT IT: WE ALL LAUGHED. Oh, dude--I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed, I'm Sorry! Alright--I admit it. I admit It. ADMIT IT! I Admit it! I Skrilex'ed Drop the e. DROP THE BASS. Oh, my God. Ohhh, my GoD. Oh, My Gaaaahhhhh Okay. Did you see it--were you there?? Yeah, I mean, I seen it-- You were there. I was therre, buttt I mean. I was there. You were not there. I was...there. Theree? I'm still there! This motherfucker right here. I guess. I mean, I guess he's a Motherfucker Doesn't look like much of a otherfucker to me. *Motherfucker. Look at this motherfucker. Mother-fucker! Mucutherfuckkin...Motherfuck. STOP SAYINTHAT! WHICH THING. ANYTHING. JUST SHUT UP. … Where are we going? I don't know we're just...going...to get there. Okay… __ DID YOU SEE WAAT THEY ADDED TO THE BASS PARADE? “Bass Parade?” Okay, that place is really cool. Okay. Now Once theHelicopter landson top of the Helipad… Okay. Okay so . Check this out. Okay. She actually pretended to hate you-- “pretended ?” And then gained a following from that-- I bet. --and then vanished all of these haters into an unknown void off the interdimensional reality grid HUh. (“Skrillex is doing a Suprise Set!) Man, Fuck Skrillex. [out of nowhere] Uh. Fuck you. Ummm. BEGONE. I don't know man People just keep--appearing in my Dungenon man, it's WEIRD --That is weird-- I mean--don't get me wrong; It's a strange blessing and everything, and believe me--my dragons are happy as fuck-- They're..wait, what of people are just appearing in your dungeon? Like-- I think they're mostly evil people. Like no-- No, like women or children, or anything. Oh, good. No, no, nothing like that. Wait. I thought a dragon was -- (Explains land of dragons) Oh That's . Wait, Did Justin Roiland ALSO go to the future? Or was it_-- wait, who was that? Whose socks are these? Socks? What socks. That never happened. What didn't. Exactly. See. He knows. Knows--what? See. Bruh. Huh. Loose Lips: Sink ships, baby--goon; Tell me. Tell Me. Deadass. Just saw Charlie Sheen in that corner over there. Word? What was he doing Nothing. He was just being Charlie Sheen in a corner (Actually, he was up to some super serious shit. ) Wait--like in a good way, or? Yeah, actually he's; He's there on PR, it's like a whole thing. Oh. So there's a DJ battle on the world of floor. Yeah. That happened. That did happen. I was there. You were. I were. oh , Believe me; I was semi-omnipotently present. Is that true? Are you at odds with Skrillex? No...I'd say we're pretty even. She photocopied it. “She photocopied it.” Oh God. Oh My God OH GOD. Should we...alert...Anybody, or just-- RUN. RUN NGGA, RUN. RUN, SONNY, RUN. Oh shit--Skrillex is in this. Fahck. FAQUE! WHAT. Huh. When did you write this? I...didn't write this. Oh--that's crazy; you mean, I've been pretty much doing whatever the whole time; but I'm like--i'm sleeping? Well, I mean, you're dead, so. So wait--that happened after I died? Okay? Okay. Okay-- so what happened to him? Unh. Yuh. That's deep. OKay look; I'm gonna be landing later. If you see something in the Sky; please do not shoot it down? Okay? I'm renting this shit. What are you doing? I Shooting down a UFO. A UFO? DUDE. I IDENTIFIED MYSELF. UFO= U FUCKIN OWE ME. Ohhh--goddamn-- okay. Dang dude, they really wanna see this fight. WHAT? What fight Okay, stay low to the ground Lower. {does} I mean like really low. Lower. [does] More. [they are crouching] Perfect, now --THE BASS DROPS--- … You wanted Skrillex, Right? ..Uh...yeah, but-- We brought Skrillex. OKay, look--how do I never, ever explain this? JUst DON'T. JUST. DON'T What the fuck dude. Well, now they're ALL on their way; Are you happy. ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ----------------------------------------------------------------- R U OK? ------------------------------------------------- Uh. Dude...how did you get in here…? She came in through the bathroom window... I don't know. More importantly; how do you get out? She's stuck She's Stuck. She's stuck in a Skrillex. Oh, she is stuck-stuck. I'll go get it. DUDE--We launched her into another dimension! (What is this?) *Jumping up and down furiously* Oh Good, her phone is dead. Heh heh heh She's completely isolated. She came alone? I mean--what else was I gonna do? So. Overall: Who Would you say fucked up the hardest? -Definitely Skrillex. -Definitely Dillon Francis. Mr. Mr Television Is a sinister Public servant and citizen Mr. Miserable listens to Millions of visions; Sends them into ascension With his exquisite musicianship. Aww--so then what--they live happily ever after? What The fuck. No. They fuckiing hate eachother. Well, that was...arguably one of the coolest things I've ever seen. You, sir, are very crunchy toast on a cold, dry morning. Um. OKay. Without butter. (Sad face.) What the fuck happened to you?! What the fuck happened to him? I heard. He got his ass whooped by Dillon Francis. What. The Fuck. YEAH. When was that? Apparently at The Event. I was at that! So was I; I was actually at that stage; I just didn't see it happen! I would pay to watch that. I paid to watch it. What. Yeah, actually; We had the watch party at my house it was.... It was random. Yeah. It was. Like, actually random. I've never seen anything like that in my life. HELLO? SKRILLEX DILLON FRANCIS! Oh shit dude, run. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © Oh, that's what I need. Phone, Wallet

No room for error No passing judgement That one went faster I better run for cover Well-warrior, not a fighter— I'll fight to the death for ever after She said “I've never been happier” A paraphrase, actually What a celebrity All I asked was for protection The fame and wealth can wait, j guess A well warrior, never a fighter Well, As long as I'm healthy Been thinking of traveling That might be worth it I've never been so frightened, I think But always been selfish Hold on, I gotta run to another dimension I left my stomach on ice I've been eating my eyes out My son is in prison Ex husband, a fighter The wifebeating's genetic I'm just multidimensional Now the demon's behind me Over my right shoulder I took my own crucifix Like I lifted the boulder I told you I could bury my credits With the devil “You have no power here! “ If madonna's the good witch Then what of Beyoncé I took my sacrifice down to the alter. What did you want The coughs to stop haunting you What did you ask? I just asked for protection But I've been surrounded by demons Wife waters and cheating husbands Not a shaman, Just another lost one I put some miles on these runners— I clocked in 20 of em since the sabbath Give or take Or give Or take Or I'm not doing my job If Shazam isn't on I'm not doing my job If I never show up Just to run And the show must go on But if I want to try Juliard I have to work harder I have to hope for alone I had to apologize to my body I got depressed when my son went back to his father Back to alaska Where it all started —I still think about Jimmy Fallon when I'm holding a fart in. What do you cal that? A comic relief. (Or a con man) Sorry, I got off track When I got what I wanted I bought it all back at the pawn shop Just from a deposit On a long haul I'm the wrong one to fuck with By a long shot Fuck it, When I walk off, The show starts And after, An encore (Of four of em) My DJ brain's back on I gotta get to work I gotta get a job I gotta learn to twerk I should smoke more I gotta show em what I've got Never—ever tell God you're bored. GOD What's that?! NOTHIN SUNNI BLU Somebody tell these hoodlums crocs ain't shoes! I see you stomping through the ghetto With some slippers on In a rain storm What the fuck is going on Trash on the floor Your asses are done FORE! (Meanwhile, at some golf course The landlords are making sure If there are more of us, We're all dumb) I'm only suicidal When the lights are on I'm only suicidal When the night is gone It's back to morning Busses full of strangers On their cellulars I pray to God To stop the coughs She must be deaf or something GOD What. Or it's just Illuminati Gotta run to even be a thought I've been forgotten in the dust I never ever had a brother Like the one I've got (The sun I'm under) I'll never ever cry under the moon, I promise I'll never wonder if he's coming soon The answer was never But I used to wonder I used to have friends They used me I got used to being humiliated I got used to being inhuman Negative—negative. I guess it's back to deadmau5 24 hours a day I'll never sleep again But that was a vacation for the ages I got on a plane, went to bed And never got up —we didn't get far from the ground There's no room for error. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* THE WORLDENDERZ are a secret band of superheroes—their secret identities include the various roles on the overnight shift at a popular chain of super-gyms, Las Vegas Athletic Club— “The Night Shift “ A miniseries The Night Shift is a mockumentary style miniseries which follows the secret identities of a band of superheroes in their day-to-day working the graveyard shift at LVAC; before forming The a world Enders, they comedicly attempt to mask using their multi dimensional and extraterrestrial superpowers, each unknowing that they are all respectively some of the most powerful beings in the universe, however, after SUPACREE is spotted by a mole from one of the various agencies tracking her, a plan is hatched to turn the unwittingly suspicious and mysterious strangers into an intergalactic multidimensional task force, forming the WORLDENDERS. It's WORLDENDERZ. Yeah, that's what I said. With a Z. No, that's stupid. YEAH IT IS. DO IT. Alright— WORLDENDERZ The World Enders are an elite task force of super-powered extraterrestrial hybrids developed to aid in post-apocalyptic recovery and planetary regeneration after imminent doom in other worlds as well as parallel realms and realities. They all share a multitude of each other's powers, some carrying variations of respective powers and abilities, which include telepathy, invisibility, teleportation, invisibility, and super speed/strength, but also each have a set of specific special abilities unique to their individual selves. All gifted shapeshifters, they use these skills to cloak their true hidden talents and ulterior motives—though no players intention ever goes against the grain of the greater good. MELLO Gift of gab. A demon slayer and chaos magician, who uses her bubbly personality and friendly demeanor to mask her dangerous and destructive rage—which actually summons previously-slayed demons, to use against the enemy in attack. Special Ability/Secret Power: The Power of Jesus Christ. THE ORANGE JULIUS Turns junk food into nuclear energy; sometimes glows (bright neon orange) in the dark—he also makes incredible smoothies, which, if consumed, transmits some of his nuclear power to its consumer. UNC A demon slayer, who uses his shape shifting ability to appear in his 20s, but is actually 75. QUASIMODO Brings inanimate objects made from planetary or organic materials into living form, usually used for repopulating planets where a mass extinction has occurred. DOCTOR OSBORNE Doctor Osborne is paying off his medical school debt by secretly working a night job across town at a nearby gymnasium—he spends his other 16 hours as a brain surgeon, using his superpowers to save lives by performing miracles during operations in which the survival rate are slim to none; this accounts for his beyond tired and lackluster behavior during his time at the gym—however his certain onset narcolepsy is often a conviniéndote key to success in many of the world Enders missions. ORION “A real nigga” A world builder and extremely gifted seer with immense telepathic and telekinetic capabilities. Copyright [The Festival Project] 2022 C.C.S. Monroe AKLA, Inc. Everyone Is At The Event, Where Everything Happened. She broke everything in my house. Everything? Ev-er-y-thing. Hah, I broke all of his stuff. All of it? Everything, dude. Hehe. All of it. No, Like--Literally, Everyone, Ever. What did you do to this girl? _ EXCEPT… I don't get it. She hates Dillon Francis. She does— hate Dillon Francis. So why would she go to this? [They enter simultaneously.] YOU! YOU! [They charge.] EH. [She-- —- I don't get it, how do I write about magic? I don't know, just say what it looks like--- Cut To: Staring at Skrillex. [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “The World Builders” [Staring at Skrillex.] [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “Think about it; What would you do that would leave a profound effect on Skrillex. I've...been...trying to figure that out, maybe. Pi. Look, it's S U P A C R E E. Oh shit, these are DIRECTIONS. To WHERE, tho? Dude, I have something to tell you. What. It's bad. Why, what happened? It's... look, no one else can know about it, okay? Okay... Oh shit, she's a Trance artist now? Trance? I don't know how to make trance. This one time, I held my breath meditating to it, and I just-- Just what? —- That's it. It just ended. What? Yeaaauhh dude. I don't fuck with Skrillex. For a lot of reasons. … I think I might be a writer. Oh no. She's a writer. Oh, no. Oh, NO. I am not touching that with a $10,000 dollar paycheck! $!0,000--what the fuck am I gonna go with $10,000? ($10,000 is the rich people equivalent of $10) Yo. Poor people will do just about anything for $10. What? No, they won't. Yes they will--hey--watch this. Hey! [guy looks] I'll give you $10 to hop across the street on 1 foot. D1- He just does it See. D2- Does it, gets hit by a bus. See. That guy died. For $10. D3- Does it, gets hit by a bus; but is S U P A C R E E and resurrects instantly, then comes back for vengeance, capturing 2 more. What, she has their souls? Hearts and Souls. Goddamn. (Literally) Well, I told you Jesus quit, right--? Yeah, he's...he left. So you swim into port that has a boat. A boat-- Then you get on the boat. Get on the boat. That boat is going to take you to another boat. Okay, another boat. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS ANOTHER BOAT. YOU DIDN'T”T TELL ME THE FIRST ONE HAD TO SINK, TO BOARD IT. Oh, yeah, well--duh. So then--on the second boat-- Well, it's more like a really big Ferry (It's a monstrous cruise ship) Yeah, that shit made groove cruise look like...what the poor people equivalent of groove cruise? There is no “poor people equivalent” Well then--how do poor people rave on boats? They don't. That doesn't seem fair. Yeah--where's the equality? There's no such thing as equality in poverty! Actually-- HAH. THEY CALL IT “GOD'S COUNTRY” I'm not taking responsibility for this. I didn't do this. “IN GOD WE TRUST” NO, that just means; the trust is empty. It's empty. This...this used to be a reservoir. It still is...a reservoir. Of water. Oh. It's a “Christian Nation?” Christian? What's a Christian? It's-- NO. Jesus, listen. NO. YOU LISTEN: FUCK. THAT. FUCKTHAT. Oh, he was mad. He was pretty mad. He still is, mad. He is, pretty mad. Dad, what happened? It doesn't matter, it just had to happen. Why did it ‘have' to happen? If you have even to ask; I don't have an answer. Ogh, dude. I know. It's almost time to go back to work. I know. Oh, my God. I know. How long have we been in this Void--it's so random. [The whole #SQUAD is on Watch.] Hm. What is this? [A look] Can I have some? [Another look.] I like it. I want it. [The Look.] I'mma try it out. OK. __ Ask Him! He knows! How to get to Skrillex? (still censored) Yes--you know. He knows. You know, right? I don't know. What? I--? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (It didn't happen.) Fuck. NO dude, I found it--I just don't remember how… Do you remember when? Ah, I remember my first Skrillex. I don't. Oh My God dude. Flip Flops? Yes, my feet are killing me. Skrillex is in 10 minutes. Actually, 9. The Hotel is 7 minutes away.; The car is parked in Valet; If we leave now, we can make it back by the time it starts, I swear. You SWEAR? __ Ooh...Beyonce...I like her. We all like her. Give her something nice. Nice. Very nice. Very nice. What do you want her to dress as? Oh her? ...she can come as herself. [the next part] Yo FUCK the Met Gala; I'm going to THIS shit. What? You were invited? I want to be invited! How did you get an invite? ((Oh, you can't write that)) Damn right I won't. Lol, she had her dress as Beyonce. That's cold. She stole Umbrella! She stole it first! It wasn't even written for her--! It wasn't written for anybo-- Actually, it was written for ME. Oh yeah, huh. Why does this song have 32 writers on it? What the fuuuuckkk... What. We have Skrillex. Skrillex. How did you get a Skrillex? Just--Skrillex. “Just Skrillex”? The Original. Oh, shit. The Original Skrillex. Like, the first one? First one ever. Where the fuck is my Skrillex? I didn't take it. STFU “didn't take it”--Where the fuck is my Skrillex? Oh what--Skrillex? We have Skrillex! You do? Of course we do! It's paradise. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. If that man sits at a piano, I will pass out... Oh wow, he plays piano...hmm. I will faint. How did he DO this? This Volcano emits *this* frequency. Ah, try this-- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites. Oh. I know this one. Do you? Yeah! Bruh. I'm about to take a lot of drugs right now; I'm just calling to tell you that I love you. What happened? Nothing happened. I'm just like this now. What's that? Nothing! What is it? Nothing! It's Skrillex, isn't it. I don't get how he DID this. Someone give this man an honorary doctorate. Think about it like this; if all this is happening to you, and you have-- --No Grammys-- --and he's got-- --Eight Grammys. Eighth Grammys, really? Damn, what the fuck. I know, right? Right. So. If he has eight Grammys--and you have none-- --zero Grammys-- --and you're experiencing this right now-- Damn, what the fuck happened to him? She shat in my Grammys. What! All Eight of Them? YES. I didn't shit in his Grammys. You didn't? NO! Well, that's good, because-- I hired other people to shit in his Grammys. What? Best $80 I ever spent. Why are we terrorizing Skrillex? He started it. He did start it. See, this is why I like him--he doesn't ask questions. What? You hired 8 different people to shit in his Grammys. Yeah! Dude, that is disgusting! Dude. You hired three different photographers to take professional photoshoots of my dick. Look; These were all done on location; we went to Catalina...it was kind of cold though-- WHAT THE FUCK. Dude, this is like 9 lawsuits. Well, actually, one of them is a Class Action, so that's actually like a dozen actual complaints rolled into one; I don't know why they do that. {SupaCree has arranged literally “many seats” for both Skrillex, and Dillon Francis.] {Sweet Brown's Monologue: Well, Sweetie, I'll tell you what; That's a tough way to go. I'll give you one more go at it; and She Stole All of our Music! All of it? NO! Just the HITS! (awws) ‘ATROCIOUS C' ? What the fuck is THIS? Hmmm Atrocious C and the-- Wait--what was it called again? Oh shit. Black Jack Black. That was it. Right? Yeah, that was the original joke, I think. You think? Yeah, I think--But then I remembered Atrocious C Wait, Atrocious C was a real thing? YEAH dude, it was my cover band in college. COVER BAND IN COLLEGE? YEP. Black Jack Black Jack Black. Oh no. Yep, he was there. Remember that $10,000 I gave you yesterday, and you said you didn't want it? Yeah… I need it back. No. What? You said you didn't want it! Yeah, then you made me take it anyway, so I spent it! Well, what'd you spend it on?! Dude, where are we going? If I knew, then it wouldn't be an adventure! Please, no Skrillex. PUMP THE SHIT. Dude, is that Skrillex? Go the other way. What? Why? TURN AROUND . Seriously, what was that? TURN AROUND. “Turn arouuund” She wrote the whole...movie. What the fuck is a “movie”? I should record this. “record” ? OK, FIRST OF ALL. Skrillex has Magic Powers. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTTHEFUCKUPPPPPP. Wow, 14 Pages. What...language is this... -It's In English -It's in Skrillex. YOU KNOW I CAN'T READ-- Ugh, yeah, I can translate this. It's alphanumeric.. You algebraic motherfucker. Damn. Is he still over there? Yeah. Goddamn. …. Goddamn. Hey. Uh. Come in. ...it's nice in here. It is. ...did you take out a wall? Window. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Where's Dillon? Oh, he's... chillin. {Dillon Francis is sleeping like a-- No dead baby jokes. I wasn't going to make a- [He's laid out, alright.] How long has he been sleeping like this? ...I don't know...awhie. How long's “awhile”? We've been trying to call him. I know. I have his phone… That explains the inspirational breakfast messages. What? I stopped getting mine! I found your preceding messages to be in bad taste. CUT TO: Everyone is laid out. She is going through their phones. Woah. This is a lot of tits. So many tits. Tits. Tits. Tits. Oh hey--look at these. Oh, I don't like that. What is that? CUT BACk: Oh, you saw that…? I saw that. And I deleted that. And I blocked your number. (shamefully) Oh. On everyone's devices. What the fuck. Permanently. Oh. Yeah...You should go, now. [Does] Dude, she has me carrier locked with every provider in the united states; I had to get a burner just to try to get through to all of my contacts everytime I try to make call it somehow gets intercepted. Hahah. he had to get a burner. Haaaah. wow , you really did it this time. Now I can listen to their calls. What? That's impossible-- NO IT ISN'T dude. I don't know how she's doing this--it's like every time I--HELLO? --What? Hello? Hello? Hm. Haaah, I disconnected them. Dude, what are you doing to these DJs? FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJ'S. And that guy over there. Hey, who is that guy anyway? I don't know...he kind of looks familiar… Yeah, he does...I...I think I might have seen him perform once… Preform? Perform what? Music? … YEAH, HE DOES MUSIC! I REMEMBER. THIS GUY'S A DJ. ...I'm...not a DJ. HE'S A DJ. LETS GET HIM. What does he do? Who, that guy? [Skrillex.] I don't know. What's up, I'm “Not A DJ”--- YOu should probably be careful with it... Careful with it. Be careful with it, it's limited Skrillex. Limited Skrillex. Mmhmm. Lets get it. We probably shouldn't. Mm. I feel like we should Dude, it's limited. ___ Cosmo. What? You should probably stop drinking. Why? You're flying sideways. Alright. Try water. WATAAAAR!! __ Dude, how long have we been dead for? Dead for? Yeah, man. I don't know. Yeah, me neither. She didn't make it. Didn't make it? What do you mean, is she okay? No, I mean--she's dead… WHAT? That's not ok. I don't get it, what is she doing? This is just how she does it, shut up. Yeah, but what is she doing? Skrillex! He's here? He's here! I gotta go! Get gone! Skrillex?! Yuh! Fuhck! If he's here, then i'm already late. Late for what? Pretty much anything, you name it. His...Name...Is… DON'T SAY ITl DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! He's been sleeping for...several days. [Still Staring At The Sky} Who DID this!? Explain it to me! Explain it to you? I can't explain to you! Are you seeing this? I'm in it! Everything's in it! Bruh. I know, dude. A little man climbed out of my sub this morning, and I'm just saying---I don't know if I can take it. I don't know how I'd take that, either. I can't take it. There's just one thing you should know: What? When the bass drops, so do we. DROP. What did you do with Dillon Francis? I don't know. I can't remember. You don't remember. What did you do with that bitch?! I don't know! I don't remember! You don't remember? Noone remembers. Deadmau5: I remember. Deadmau5 Remembers Everything. This is why he is “like that.” WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REMEMBER. So wait--Deadmau5 knows the entire story? well , yeah. Wait, which story? All of them. What the fuck! Happy Birthday! (he is canadian, so he is morbidly polite) Thanks. You're welcome. K. So. YAH! [they both draw their rave weapons] WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU? I AM IN “THE FUCK” YOU'RE “THE FUCK”, YOU DICK. Here's your gift. [She tosses it.] Oh, Gosh--this is... actually exactly what I wanted. I know dude. UH-WHO ARE YOU? I'm YO(U) . [They do not battle. He just accepts it.] Have you seen this rock? It's...not a rock, it's… Well, have you seen it? Yeah I've seen it. It's pretty sick. Yeah… (Delirious) Oh My God--A Tiny Man...with a tiny scythe…. I am not a man. I'M NOT A WOMAN. ---he changed his name to a symbol. I'M NOT A MAN. “is _____________” a boy or girl I AM SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. Oh, Jesus Christ. What dude. What the fuck do you want? What? Wait, you're...Jesus----Jesus-Jesus??? If you insist on still calling me that, I told you ages ago... (to himself) ...that makes so much sense…Jesus… Hm? Hey wait--are you still--sleeping--kind of? *wakes instantly* Sleeping? Who's sleeping? I'm not sleeping! Chel. HUH. [they squint at each other suspiciously] WHO'S THE PINATA NOW, BITCH?! Oh, my God, Gerald! Get a hold of yourself!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Dillon--What have you done. WHAT--DID YOU--DO. Just...Voodoo. VOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (She's mad.) ((Oh, she's so mad)) (((Mad, what's that?))) Bruh. She bleached my asshole. What! Yeah. And then tie dyed it. Trending: Rainbow Taint. Bro. How did you even find out about that? -creative ways you might find out, your junk has been permanently altered. What, it's PERMANENT. Dude, how Am I supposed to explain my LITERALLY Blue Balls? --I”M BLUE DA BA DE, DA BU DI__ I thought it was “Da BU Di--Do-Bu-DI” Obblah-di, Oh Blah-da; Life goes on, brah-- La-Da-Da-Da-Life goes on. I don't know. I might be a writer. She's a writer. She's a writer! Oh No! She's a rider. Oh, that's robust. Oh My God--It was that big? (Nods) You'd never know. ...I knew it... What did you do with it? I just wrapped it around my leg and tucked it into my sock, most the time. Oh, wow. Yeah. I had to layer, the tube socks. That's--wow. Yeah. I mean. When you're right, you're right. You're right. I just get confused about it when I see him in shorts now. [in shorts.] (she cocks her head to the side and squints, staring very suspiciously) (Later) We find that -- Woah. What. This is ridiculous. It is. Skrillex is Ridiculous. It is. So wait. This dudes dick. Oh my God. Is so long-- right He just opens up a portal to another dimension, so he has some place to put it while he's doing business-- What is this. --So it doesn't get in the way. Lol. Pocket Portal. Why did you DO this? Who did this? SIR. STOP CALLING ME THAT. SIr, it was “not enough.” What? I don't get it, so he's like a psychic? Skrillex is a psychic. Mm. No. No, he isn't. Uh, yes he is. No, he's not. He's just from the future, so he knows what's in it. Oh. Which future? All of them. Wait, which human era? ... Oh, I've seen the movie. How could you see the movie, it doesn't exist yet? Oh. It exists. What? It does? Yes. And It is fucked up. Like, in a good way? just FUCKED UP. Bruh. I went to go see Skrillex last night. Oh shit. How was it? IT WAS FUCKED UP Like, in a good way? JUST-- I JUST-- I JUST, ADJUST. There. There it is. Adjust. I don't see anything. Veer Weest. There! There! Right! There! *gasps* Wait, I think I see it. I see something. Wait. Is that. Adjust. *gasp* it's moving. It is moving, It appears to be moving. I can't just leave it, they'll find it--I have to keep moving it. You can't keep moving it--the planet can't handle it. There are still humans on it! I know there are still humans on it, that's where I left them; but I can't just put it back, and I can't just leave it out here for the Inter--Galactic-- Interdimensional-- Whatever! I'm not just gonna leave it here for some aliens to turn into a trash planet.It's not a trash planet. (It's, basically a trash planet) It's a trash planet. Okay, well--it's my trash planet! And. I already annihilated--or, am in the current process of--annihilating all the evil soulless demon people-things. All the Bad Things. It has a lot of badness. Yes, but recently less badness. Kind of. And also less water. Everyone's thirsty now. But...I mean, we always were, kind of. Especially in LA. What is your process? This is it. Look. This planet-- Trash Planet-- Trash--Look. Its full of primitive species-- OKay-- And also other things that shouldn't be there. Alright. And it's almost dead. Or dying. Or...dead already. It's dead. It's a dead trash-planet. But I can't let anything [else] happen to it. --AND DEN-- You caused an entire apocalypse. Well, they called me fat, so. Well great; What are you going to do with your dead post apocalyptic trash planet? You can't keep expanding everlasting galaxies just so you can stuff this piece of crap planet into voids. Aha-Ha. IT'S FUCKIN--AHA-- W-Wait. Where did it go? Where did he go? Where did she go? How did I get here? How DID she get there? I've been looking for you everywhere! That sucks… Where were you? Nowhere. Like, the only place I didn't check! It was the first place I checked. You checked? Yes. He wasn't there. He's not in there. He's not on the lineup. I know how to get her here. ___Dude, I don't know how you did this! How did you DO this? Look, it's a long story. Well make it a short one. *sighs* Look. I was jumping up and down, during my set, like usual--okay. OKay. So I….dropped the bass, and then… AND DEN? And then? And then…(looks off, into the distance, for a moment) I went up, the bass went down; My dick went sideways, and forward-- --sideways and forward, at the same time-- >>>Yes. It was a lot. Yo. What's his power. I don't know. I know you know. Everybody knows you know. What's his power. Ask him. Dude, I know you know it; Just tell me. “Macbook Bro” It's Apples Take on Music Production. Yo dude, these are flying off the shelves. ___ Dude. I jus' joined the mile high club. No way. Yes way. With who? Myself. Nice. It was great. __ So you're telling me-- I'm telling you--what I was told-- That they put him on a helicopter in the middle of the desert-- ---Black Rock City-- Whatever--Burning man--middle of the desert-- _-Yeah-- --Right. And then flew him to-- --”an undisclosed location”-- --okay-- ___ Okay, I actually just had a few questions about the script… Go ahead, I was wondering about this scene with Skrillex. ...Skrillex? What Skrillex? It's...pages… No. It isn't. There's no Skrillex. He is introduced as a character in Act... No, Skrillex isn't in this. He...is...I'm...looking right at it. What page? Pages 45, thru… “45” Yeah. There's no...come here. What. Come over here. Let me see. [Does.] ...what master is this... The revision I got in my email this morning. From who? From you. WHAT? BRO. YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT OUT TO THE DESERT-- ---YEAH--- --AND WE BURNED THAT-- ---YEAH--- MY ENTIRE STAFF GOT THAT IN THEIR EMAIL THIS MORNING. WHAT? I thought that was the only copy. IT WAS. WHAT THE FUCK. BRO THIS NIGGA. THIS NIGGA. NIGGA. Skrillex did A Skrillex. Three People Know About It. Skrillex is not one of those people. Woah. So. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Oh, no…. ...I just don't get it; I'm really sleepy. Well yeah...you are ...dead, so. What? I'm dead? Oh, yes. That explains it. It... actually doesn't explain anything. Do you remember what happened? Uh...I...Hmm. It's alright, take your time. What is “Time”, really? Ah, he's waking up. ___ He's not waking up. He's been like this for awhile. What do we do? Call it in. Call It in and say what? Hey, we just Michael Jackson'd Skrillex? Technically, he Michael Jackson'd himself. Technically, Michael Jackson Micheal Jackson'd himself. Oh, shit, that's right. And 9/11 was an inside job. Well yeah. --so, we're white; it's not like we'll get jail time for it-- Jail time--woah woah woah-- We'll, we're also rich so-- oh , oh yeah. Well, I mean --technically he's not--I mean--he's still alive… He's been sleeping for 3 weeks, dude. Right--so he's gotta be waking up soon, right? yeah . If you still believe in santa clause (Later) By the way, dude; Santa Clause, dude; He's-- --What? He's real too? Really real. You really can hear everything when you're in a coma. I didn't send this! It was never supposed to-- --Well. The studio likes it, they gave us the go ahead for everything this morning-- Everything waht? Well the budget, expansions. Expansions? Yeah, for the dance scenes. Dance scenes? Yeah. And. Skrillex is on his way over to discuss the contracts. Contracts? Yeah. Skrillex? Yes. Skrillex seen this? Yes. Skrillex can't see this. He... already has. No. Yeah. (just shakes head, in harsh reflection) He likes it. He's doing it. He..likes..it? Yes. He's on the way. Now? Yes. Skrillex. ...Yes, Skrillex is on the-- --BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF SKRILLEX-- BYE. Where's SUPACREE? Nobody can find her. She just--vanished. --just vanished? Yeah. What happened? (Later) Well, I did mention Skrillex... --ohhhh, you told her Skrillex was coming? That explains it. It...doesn't explain anything. Actually, nah, that explains everything. What are you talking about? ...I'm not. Rezz knows. Rezz: Knows what. Exactly. Nigga you caught a Skrillex. YEAH BITCH. Throw it back! What? Throw it back! We don't eat that! What? Throw it back. Well, I went to Skrillex this morning. How was it? They destroyed it, it's gone now. Destroyed it? IT's gone? I mean--pretty much gone; it's still there--like you can go, but when you get there it's..there's nothing there. There's Nothing there. ...did you see that? What? [There's nothing there.] ...huh..did you hear that? What? [There's nothing there] Woah, who's his best friend? Looks like this girl is-- Damn. She's hot. Hot. Feeling Hot, Hot Hot! Welp, retreat. Retreat? Retreat. We're not doing this. They're...retreating. Wat? Why would they retreat? They're turning around… Oh… And....they're gone. They left. I wonder why. DUDE, DID YOU SEE-- I know. I was like-- Yesss honey, I know. So yeah. Yeahhhhh. Now what? [They don't know.] What happened? They don't know! [Nobody knows.] Nobody knows. Skrillex knows. Wait. WHAT. Yeah, Skrillex knows. ...what? wait --how do you know? ...sometimes, I find out things.) >..about Skrillex? yeah ,man. How? Does it MATTER? ...uh...it does matter. How did you GET this? Doesn't matter. Uh. It DOES matter. I know he did it. I was THERE. What dude, you weren't there. Deadmau5: I was there. Oh yeah, Joel? He was there. So you remember that? Well, yeah. Well, I was already hanging with Dillon Francis, which was weird. --it was weird-- So when Deadmau5 shows up in the middle of it, it doesn't really matter how fucked up I am, I'm gonna remember some shit like that. What? I don't remember that happening. Huh. So you must have blacked out first. Which means I WON. Actually, I feel like we all lost. --yeah, but it didn't get really weird, until-- I AM SKRILLEX. Deadmau5: Yeah, see. Yo dude, this nigga is Skrillex. This isn't Skrillex. It's Skrillex. It's not Skrillex. I'm looking straight at him. It is Skrillex, dude. I know what I'm talking about. But you don't remember anything else about it? No, I don't. Dude. She bedazzled my dick and then did photoshoots with it. More than one? Three. One was on location. To DOctor: What? It's permanent? I mean-- Well can I at least take out this barbell and change is for something less...blingy. It's got rhinestones. Uh actually, those are real diamonds--uh, you're welcome--and --AND--? It's not just blingy; It also has bluetooth. Bluetooth for WHAT. Dude. Oh watch this. I have the app installed on my phone, I just-- Dude. What did she do to your dick? What? My DICK? Nothing. What? [They all stare.] What? It was-- What do you know about Skrillex? ...Too much, actually. Why? Okay, then you make a Right on Time. Okay, now what? Make another right. Okay… Now, at the next light , take another right. ...On TIME? Why didn't we just take a LEFT on TIME? What? He should have made it; I know he left ofn time. Right road, wrong realm. Okay. NOw what. OKay, now hit warp speed; Because the Interdimensional Galactic Special Forces Patrol is going to start chasing you. WHAT? **ALIEN SIRENS** (AND LAZERS) THIS IS REALLY COOL!! Yeah, I know; but they have nukes, so-- OH. Yeah, Run. RUN! RUNNNNNNN! Did you run? I did not run; i RAN. I RAN for my life! What. She's in IRAN? ...I RA...VE. PARTY? PARTY-PARTY. What am I looking at right now? That? That's just a Doompy Poomp. Why? WHY? I don't know. They just have them here. For WHAT? WHY? They just happen. I told you she was gonna get stuck in it. (And She did) Spiders are actually highly intelligent--and--rather humane. You know what, actually? I kind of like this. You're trapped in it, and about to get eaten. Ah...ok. OK? YOu're okay with this? WOAH! You were trapped in a spider's web? What. Yeah, once. I wouldn't recommend it, but; I guess that's what I get for trying to be a fly on the wall. WHAT DID YOU DO? I don't know how he did it, okay? What? Of course you know; you have to know. I don't know. You have to know. I don't. I just First rule of time travel: DON'T. Oh, that is the first rule. Skrillex has broken the first rule of time travel. The FIRST rule? He's broken EVERY rule. Should we let him go? We're gonna have to let him go. Wow, you fired Skrillex? You Killed Skrillex. “What, is he sick?” “No, fool--we're gonna kill him.” MUFASA MOTHERFUCKER. THAT MOTHER-FATHER. MOTHERFUCKER! How did he even get in through the-- I don't know. Which exit did he leave through? He didn't! He just (whirring noise, spiral loop, POOF) What. Is his Power. I DON'T KNOW. OOh. SKRILLEX has POWERS? Of course he has powers. Of course he has powers. He's magic. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I never thought about that. You Never thought about it? NO! Not even ONCE? NOOO! Not Even One Time? ...WELL, Now I've thought about it. HA! See. No! I don't “see!” I did NAZI that-- Yes you did. I know how to get her here. HOW? HOW. Just put Skrillex on the lineup. I can't afford to get Skrillex on the lineup. Dude. It's simple. There's literally not one simple thing about Skrillex. He's got a HUGE deck. It IS pretty massive. I had to power wash it. Twice. ___ Here. This shit is a girl blunt. I only smoke Gurl Bluntz. __ I thought you were gonna have that thing removed… Actually, I kinda like it; it's actually-- Oh. Yeah. Once you get used to it, it's kind of nice. When was the last time you went on Pornhub? I mean, I rarely-- [2 HOURS EARLIER.] Hysterical Laughter in at least 3 Dimensions. (Actually it was 6) Actually it's 9. Really it's Twelve, though. FUCK IT--ADMIT IT: WE ALL LAUGHED. Oh, dude--I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed, I'm Sorry! Alright--I admit it. I admit It. ADMIT IT! I Admit it! I Skrilex'ed Drop the e. DROP THE BASS. Oh, my God. Ohhh, my GoD. Oh, My Gaaaahhhhh Okay. Did you see it--were you there?? Yeah, I mean, I seen it-- You were there. I was therre, buttt I mean. I was there. You were not there. I was...there. Theree? I'm still there! This motherfucker right here. I guess. I mean, I guess he's a Motherfucker Doesn't look like much of a otherfucker to me. *Motherfucker. Look at this motherfucker. Mother-fucker! Mucutherfuckkin...Motherfuck. STOP SAYINTHAT! WHICH THING. ANYTHING. JUST SHUT UP. … Where are we going? I don't know we're just...going...to get there. Okay… __ DID YOU SEE WAAT THEY ADDED TO THE BASS PARADE? “Bass Parade?” Okay, that place is really cool. Okay. Now Once theHelicopter landson top of the Helipad… Okay. Okay so . Check this out. Okay. She actually pretended to hate you-- “pretended ?” And then gained a following from that-- I bet. --and then vanished all of these haters into an unknown void off the interdimensional reality grid HUh. (“Skrillex is doing a Suprise Set!) Man, Fuck Skrillex. [out of nowhere] Uh. Fuck you. Ummm. BEGONE. I don't know man People just keep--appearing in my Dungenon man, it's WEIRD --That is weird-- I mean--don't get me wrong; It's a strange blessing and everything, and believe me--my dragons are happy as fuck-- They're..wait, what of people are just appearing in your dungeon? Like-- I think they're mostly evil people. Like no-- No, like women or children, or anything. Oh, good. No, no, nothing like that. Wait. I thought a dragon was -- (Explains land of dragons) Oh That's . Wait, Did Justin Roiland ALSO go to the future? Or was it_-- wait, who was that? Whose socks are these? Socks? What socks. That never happened. What didn't. Exactly. See. He knows. Knows--what? See. Bruh. Huh. Loose Lips: Sink ships, baby--goon; Tell me. Tell Me. Deadass. Just saw Charlie Sheen in that corner over there. Word? What was he doing Nothing. He was just being Charlie Sheen in a corner (Actually, he was up to some super serious shit. ) Wait--like in a good way, or? Yeah, actually he's; He's there on PR, it's like a whole thing. Oh. So there's a DJ battle on the world of floor. Yeah. That happened. That did happen. I was there. You were. I were. oh , Believe me; I was semi-omnipotently present. Is that true? Are you at odds with Skrillex? No...I'd say we're pretty even. She photocopied it. “She photocopied it.” Oh God. Oh My God OH GOD. Should we...alert...Anybody, or just-- RUN. RUN NGGA, RUN. RUN, SONNY, RUN. Oh shit--Skrillex is in this. Fahck. FAQUE! WHAT. Huh. When did you write this? I...didn't write this. Oh--that's crazy; you mean, I've been pretty much doing whatever the whole time; but I'm like--i'm sleeping? Well, I mean, you're dead, so. So wait--that happened after I died? Okay? Okay. Okay-- so what happened to him? Unh. Yuh. That's deep. OKay look; I'm gonna be landing later. If you see something in the Sky; please do not shoot it down? Okay? I'm renting this shit. What are you doing? I Shooting down a UFO. A UFO? DUDE. I IDENTIFIED MYSELF. UFO= U FUCKIN OWE ME. Ohhh--goddamn-- okay. Dang dude, they really wanna see this fight. WHAT? What fight Okay, stay low to the ground Lower. {does} I mean like really low. Lower. [does] More. [they are crouching] Perfect, now --THE BASS DROPS--- … You wanted Skrillex, Right? ..Uh...yeah, but-- We brought Skrillex. OKay, look--how do I never, ever explain this? JUst DON'T. JUST. DON'T What the fuck dude. Well, now they're ALL on their way; Are you happy. ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ----------------------------------------------------------------- R U OK? ------------------------------------------------- Uh. Dude...how did you get in here…? She came in through the bathroom window... I don't know. More importantly; how do you get out? She's stuck She's Stuck. She's stuck in a Skrillex. Oh, she is stuck-stuck. I'll go get it. DUDE--We launched her into another dimension! (What is this?) *Jumping up and down furiously* Oh Good, her phone is dead. Heh heh heh She's completely isolated. She came alone? I mean--what else was I gonna do? So. Overall: Who Would you say fucked up the hardest? -Definitely Skrillex. -Definitely Dillon Francis. Mr. Mr Television Is a sinister Public servant and citizen Mr. Miserable listens to Millions of visions; Sends them into ascension With his exquisite musicianship. Aww--so then what--they live happily ever after? What The fuck. No. They fuckiing hate eachother. Well, that was...arguably one of the coolest things I've ever seen. You, sir, are very crunchy toast on a cold, dry morning. Um. OKay. Without butter. (Sad face.) What the fuck happened to you?! What the fuck happened to him? I heard. He got his ass whooped by Dillon Francis. What. The Fuck. YEAH. When was that? Apparently at The Event. I was at that! So was I; I was actually at that stage; I just didn't see it happen! I would pay to watch that. I paid to watch it. What. Yeah, actually; We had the watch party at my house it was.... It was random. Yeah. It was. Like, actually random. I've never seen anything like that in my life. HELLO? SKRILLEX DILLON FRANCIS! Oh shit dude, run. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © Oh, that's what I need. Phone, Wallet

No room for error No passing judgement That one went faster I better run for cover Well-warrior, not a fighter— I'll fight to the death for ever after She said “I've never been happier” A paraphrase, actually What a celebrity All I asked was for protection The fame and wealth can wait, j guess A well warrior, never a fighter Well, As long as I'm healthy Been thinking of traveling That might be worth it I've never been so frightened, I think But always been selfish Hold on, I gotta run to another dimension I left my stomach on ice I've been eating my eyes out My son is in prison Ex husband, a fighter The wifebeating's genetic I'm just multidimensional Now the demon's behind me Over my right shoulder I took my own crucifix Like I lifted the boulder I told you I could bury my credits With the devil “You have no power here! “ If madonna's the good witch Then what of Beyoncé I took my sacrifice down to the alter. What did you want The coughs to stop haunting you What did you ask? I just asked for protection But I've been surrounded by demons Wife waters and cheating husbands Not a shaman, Just another lost one I put some miles on these runners— I clocked in 20 of em since the sabbath Give or take Or give Or take Or I'm not doing my job If Shazam isn't on I'm not doing my job If I never show up Just to run And the show must go on But if I want to try Juliard I have to work harder I have to hope for alone I had to apologize to my body I got depressed when my son went back to his father Back to alaska Where it all started —I still think about Jimmy Fallon when I'm holding a fart in. What do you cal that? A comic relief. (Or a con man) Sorry, I got off track When I got what I wanted I bought it all back at the pawn shop Just from a deposit On a long haul I'm the wrong one to fuck with By a long shot Fuck it, When I walk off, The show starts And after, An encore (Of four of em) My DJ brain's back on I gotta get to work I gotta get a job I gotta learn to twerk I should smoke more I gotta show em what I've got Never—ever tell God you're bored. GOD What's that?! NOTHIN SUNNI BLU Somebody tell these hoodlums crocs ain't shoes! I see you stomping through the ghetto With some slippers on In a rain storm What the fuck is going on Trash on the floor Your asses are done FORE! (Meanwhile, at some golf course The landlords are making sure If there are more of us, We're all dumb) I'm only suicidal When the lights are on I'm only suicidal When the night is gone It's back to morning Busses full of strangers On their cellulars I pray to God To stop the coughs She must be deaf or something GOD What. Or it's just Illuminati Gotta run to even be a thought I've been forgotten in the dust I never ever had a brother Like the one I've got (The sun I'm under) I'll never ever cry under the moon, I promise I'll never wonder if he's coming soon The answer was never But I used to wonder I used to have friends They used me I got used to being humiliated I got used to being inhuman Negative—negative. I guess it's back to deadmau5 24 hours a day I'll never sleep again But that was a vacation for the ages I got on a plane, went to bed And never got up —we didn't get far from the ground There's no room for error. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* THE WORLDENDERZ are a secret band of superheroes—their secret identities include the various roles on the overnight shift at a popular chain of super-gyms, Las Vegas Athletic Club— “The Night Shift “ A miniseries The Night Shift is a mockumentary style miniseries which follows the secret identities of a band of superheroes in their day-to-day working the graveyard shift at LVAC; before forming The a world Enders, they comedicly attempt to mask using their multi dimensional and extraterrestrial superpowers, each unknowing that they are all respectively some of the most powerful beings in the universe, however, after SUPACREE is spotted by a mole from one of the various agencies tracking her, a plan is hatched to turn the unwittingly suspicious and mysterious strangers into an intergalactic multidimensional task force, forming the WORLDENDERS. It's WORLDENDERZ. Yeah, that's what I said. With a Z. No, that's stupid. YEAH IT IS. DO IT. Alright— WORLDENDERZ The World Enders are an elite task force of super-powered extraterrestrial hybrids developed to aid in post-apocalyptic recovery and planetary regeneration after imminent doom in other worlds as well as parallel realms and realities. They all share a multitude of each other's powers, some carrying variations of respective powers and abilities, which include telepathy, invisibility, teleportation, invisibility, and super speed/strength, but also each have a set of specific special abilities unique to their individual selves. All gifted shapeshifters, they use these skills to cloak their true hidden talents and ulterior motives—though no players intention ever goes against the grain of the greater good. MELLO Gift of gab. A demon slayer and chaos magician, who uses her bubbly personality and friendly demeanor to mask her dangerous and destructive rage—which actually summons previously-slayed demons, to use against the enemy in attack. Special Ability/Secret Power: The Power of Jesus Christ. THE ORANGE JULIUS Turns junk food into nuclear energy; sometimes glows (bright neon orange) in the dark—he also makes incredible smoothies, which, if consumed, transmits some of his nuclear power to its consumer. UNC A demon slayer, who uses his shape shifting ability to appear in his 20s, but is actually 75. QUASIMODO Brings inanimate objects made from planetary or organic materials into living form, usually used for repopulating planets where a mass extinction has occurred. DOCTOR OSBORNE Doctor Osborne is paying off his medical school debt by secretly working a night job across town at a nearby gymnasium—he spends his other 16 hours as a brain surgeon, using his superpowers to save lives by performing miracles during operations in which the survival rate are slim to none; this accounts for his beyond tired and lackluster behavior during his time at the gym—however his certain onset narcolepsy is often a conviniéndote key to success in many of the world Enders missions. ORION “A real nigga” A world builder and extremely gifted seer with immense telepathic and telekinetic capabilities. Copyright [The Festival Project] 2022 C.C.S. Monroe AKLA, Inc. Everyone Is At The Event, Where Everything Happened. She broke everything in my house. Everything? Ev-er-y-thing. Hah, I broke all of his stuff. All of it? Everything, dude. Hehe. All of it. No, Like--Literally, Everyone, Ever. What did you do to this girl? _ EXCEPT… I don't get it. She hates Dillon Francis. She does— hate Dillon Francis. So why would she go to this? [They enter simultaneously.] YOU! YOU! [They charge.] EH. [She-- —- I don't get it, how do I write about magic? I don't know, just say what it looks like--- Cut To: Staring at Skrillex. [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “The World Builders” [Staring at Skrillex.] [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “Think about it; What would you do that would leave a profound effect on Skrillex. I've...been...trying to figure that out, maybe. Pi. Look, it's S U P A C R E E. Oh shit, these are DIRECTIONS. To WHERE, tho? Dude, I have something to tell you. What. It's bad. Why, what happened? It's... look, no one else can know about it, okay? Okay... Oh shit, she's a Trance artist now? Trance? I don't know how to make trance. This one time, I held my breath meditating to it, and I just-- Just what? —- That's it. It just ended. What? Yeaaauhh dude. I don't fuck with Skrillex. For a lot of reasons. … I think I might be a writer. Oh no. She's a writer. Oh, no. Oh, NO. I am not touching that with a $10,000 dollar paycheck! $!0,000--what the fuck am I gonna go with $10,000? ($10,000 is the rich people equivalent of $10) Yo. Poor people will do just about anything for $10. What? No, they won't. Yes they will--hey--watch this. Hey! [guy looks] I'll give you $10 to hop across the street on 1 foot. D1- He just does it See. D2- Does it, gets hit by a bus. See. That guy died. For $10. D3- Does it, gets hit by a bus; but is S U P A C R E E and resurrects instantly, then comes back for vengeance, capturing 2 more. What, she has their souls? Hearts and Souls. Goddamn. (Literally) Well, I told you Jesus quit, right--? Yeah, he's...he left. So you swim into port that has a boat. A boat-- Then you get on the boat. Get on the boat. That boat is going to take you to another boat. Okay, another boat. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS ANOTHER BOAT. YOU DIDN'T”T TELL ME THE FIRST ONE HAD TO SINK, TO BOARD IT. Oh, yeah, well--duh. So then--on the second boat-- Well, it's more like a really big Ferry (It's a monstrous cruise ship) Yeah, that shit made groove cruise look like...what the poor people equivalent of groove cruise? There is no “poor people equivalent” Well then--how do poor people rave on boats? They don't. That doesn't seem fair. Yeah--where's the equality? There's no such thing as equality in poverty! Actually-- HAH. THEY CALL IT “GOD'S COUNTRY” I'm not taking responsibility for this. I didn't do this. “IN GOD WE TRUST” NO, that just means; the trust is empty. It's empty. This...this used to be a reservoir. It still is...a reservoir. Of water. Oh. It's a “Christian Nation?” Christian? What's a Christian? It's-- NO. Jesus, listen. NO. YOU LISTEN: FUCK. THAT. FUCKTHAT. Oh, he was mad. He was pretty mad. He still is, mad. He is, pretty mad. Dad, what happened? It doesn't matter, it just had to happen. Why did it ‘have' to happen? If you have even to ask; I don't have an answer. Ogh, dude. I know. It's almost time to go back to work. I know. Oh, my God. I know. How long have we been in this Void--it's so random. [The whole #SQUAD is on Watch.] Hm. What is this? [A look] Can I have some? [Another look.] I like it. I want it. [The Look.] I'mma try it out. OK. __ Ask Him! He knows! How to get to Skrillex? (still censored) Yes--you know. He knows. You know, right? I don't know. What? I--? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (It didn't happen.) Fuck. NO dude, I found it--I just don't remember how… Do you remember when? Ah, I remember my first Skrillex. I don't. Oh My God dude. Flip Flops? Yes, my feet are killing me. Skrillex is in 10 minutes. Actually, 9. The Hotel is 7 minutes away.; The car is parked in Valet; If we leave now, we can make it back by the time it starts, I swear. You SWEAR? __ Ooh...Beyonce...I like her. We all like her. Give her something nice. Nice. Very nice. Very nice. What do you want her to dress as? Oh her? ...she can come as herself. [the next part] Yo FUCK the Met Gala; I'm going to THIS shit. What? You were invited? I want to be invited! How did you get an invite? ((Oh, you can't write that)) Damn right I won't. Lol, she had her dress as Beyonce. That's cold. She stole Umbrella! She stole it first! It wasn't even written for her--! It wasn't written for anybo-- Actually, it was written for ME. Oh yeah, huh. Why does this song have 32 writers on it? What the fuuuuckkk... What. We have Skrillex. Skrillex. How did you get a Skrillex? Just--Skrillex. “Just Skrillex”? The Original. Oh, shit. The Original Skrillex. Like, the first one? First one ever. Where the fuck is my Skrillex? I didn't take it. STFU “didn't take it”--Where the fuck is my Skrillex? Oh what--Skrillex? We have Skrillex! You do? Of course we do! It's paradise. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. If that man sits at a piano, I will pass out... Oh wow, he plays piano...hmm. I will faint. How did he DO this? This Volcano emits *this* frequency. Ah, try this-- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites. Oh. I know this one. Do you? Yeah! Bruh. I'm about to take a lot of drugs right now; I'm just calling to tell you that I love you. What happened? Nothing happened. I'm just like this now. What's that? Nothing! What is it? Nothing! It's Skrillex, isn't it. I don't get how he DID this. Someone give this man an honorary doctorate. Think about it like this; if all this is happening to you, and you have-- --No Grammys-- --and he's got-- --Eight Grammys. Eighth Grammys, really? Damn, what the fuck. I know, right? Right. So. If he has eight Grammys--and you have none-- --zero Grammys-- --and you're experiencing this right now-- Damn, what the fuck happened to him? She shat in my Grammys. What! All Eight of Them? YES. I didn't shit in his Grammys. You didn't? NO! Well, that's good, because-- I hired other people to shit in his Grammys. What? Best $80 I ever spent. Why are we terrorizing Skrillex? He started it. He did start it. See, this is why I like him--he doesn't ask questions. What? You hired 8 different people to shit in his Grammys. Yeah! Dude, that is disgusting! Dude. You hired three different photographers to take professional photoshoots of my dick. Look; These were all done on location; we went to Catalina...it was kind of cold though-- WHAT THE FUCK. Dude, this is like 9 lawsuits. Well, actually, one of them is a Class Action, so that's actually like a dozen actual complaints rolled into one; I don't know why they do that. {SupaCree has arranged literally “many seats” for both Skrillex, and Dillon Francis.] {Sweet Brown's Monologue: Well, Sweetie, I'll tell you what; That's a tough way to go. I'll give you one more go at it; and She Stole All of our Music! All of it? NO! Just the HITS! (awws) ‘ATROCIOUS C' ? What the fuck is THIS? Hmmm Atrocious C and the-- Wait--what was it called again? Oh shit. Black Jack Black. That was it. Right? Yeah, that was the original joke, I think. You think? Yeah, I think--But then I remembered Atrocious C Wait, Atrocious C was a real thing? YEAH dude, it was my cover band in college. COVER BAND IN COLLEGE? YEP. Black Jack Black Jack Black. Oh no. Yep, he was there. Remember that $10,000 I gave you yesterday, and you said you didn't want it? Yeah… I need it back. No. What? You said you didn't want it! Yeah, then you made me take it anyway, so I spent it! Well, what'd you spend it on?! Dude, where are we going? If I knew, then it wouldn't be an adventure! Please, no Skrillex. PUMP THE SHIT. Dude, is that Skrillex? Go the other way. What? Why? TURN AROUND . Seriously, what was that? TURN AROUND. “Turn arouuund” She wrote the whole...movie. What the fuck is a “movie”? I should record this. “record” ? OK, FIRST OF ALL. Skrillex has Magic Powers. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTTHEFUCKUPPPPPP. Wow, 14 Pages. What...language is this... -It's In English -It's in Skrillex. YOU KNOW I CAN'T READ-- Ugh, yeah, I can translate this. It's alphanumeric.. You algebraic motherfucker. Damn. Is he still over there? Yeah. Goddamn. …. Goddamn. Hey. Uh. Come in. ...it's nice in here. It is. ...did you take out a wall? Window. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Where's Dillon? Oh, he's... chillin. {Dillon Francis is sleeping like a-- No dead baby jokes. I wasn't going to make a- [He's laid out, alright.] How long has he been sleeping like this? ...I don't know...awhie. How long's “awhile”? We've been trying to call him. I know. I have his phone… That explains the inspirational breakfast messages. What? I stopped getting mine! I found your preceding messages to be in bad taste. CUT TO: Everyone is laid out. She is going through their phones. Woah. This is a lot of tits. So many tits. Tits. Tits. Tits. Oh hey--look at these. Oh, I don't like that. What is that? CUT BACk: Oh, you saw that…? I saw that. And I deleted that. And I blocked your number. (shamefully) Oh. On everyone's devices. What the fuck. Permanently. Oh. Yeah...You should go, now. [Does] Dude, she has me carrier locked with every provider in the united states; I had to get a burner just to try to get through to all of my contacts everytime I try to make call it somehow gets intercepted. Hahah. he had to get a burner. Haaaah. wow , you really did it this time. Now I can listen to their calls. What? That's impossible-- NO IT ISN'T dude. I don't know how she's doing this--it's like every time I--HELLO? --What? Hello? Hello? Hm. Haaah, I disconnected them. Dude, what are you doing to these DJs? FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJ'S. And that guy over there. Hey, who is that guy anyway? I don't know...he kind of looks familiar… Yeah, he does...I...I think I might have seen him perform once… Preform? Perform what? Music? … YEAH, HE DOES MUSIC! I REMEMBER. THIS GUY'S A DJ. ...I'm...not a DJ. HE'S A DJ. LETS GET HIM. What does he do? Who, that guy? [Skrillex.] I don't know. What's up, I'm “Not A DJ”--- YOu should probably be careful with it... Careful with it. Be careful with it, it's limited Skrillex. Limited Skrillex. Mmhmm. Lets get it. We probably shouldn't. Mm. I feel like we should Dude, it's limited. ___ Cosmo. What? You should probably stop drinking. Why? You're flying sideways. Alright. Try water. WATAAAAR!! __ Dude, how long have we been dead for? Dead for? Yeah, man. I don't know. Yeah, me neither. She didn't make it. Didn't make it? What do you mean, is she okay? No, I mean--she's dead… WHAT? That's not ok. I don't get it, what is she doing? This is just how she does it, shut up. Yeah, but what is she doing? Skrillex! He's here? He's here! I gotta go! Get gone! Skrillex?! Yuh! Fuhck! If he's here, then i'm already late. Late for what? Pretty much anything, you name it. His...Name...Is… DON'T SAY ITl DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! He's been sleeping for...several days. [Still Staring At The Sky} Who DID this!? Explain it to me! Explain it to you? I can't explain to you! Are you seeing this? I'm in it! Everything's in it! Bruh. I know, dude. A little man climbed out of my sub this morning, and I'm just saying---I don't know if I can take it. I don't know how I'd take that, either. I can't take it. There's just one thing you should know: What? When the bass drops, so do we. DROP. What did you do with Dillon Francis? I don't know. I can't remember. You don't remember. What did you do with that bitch?! I don't know! I don't remember! You don't remember? Noone remembers. Deadmau5: I remember. Deadmau5 Remembers Everything. This is why he is “like that.” WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REMEMBER. So wait--Deadmau5 knows the entire story? well , yeah. Wait, which story? All of them. What the fuck! Happy Birthday! (he is canadian, so he is morbidly polite) Thanks. You're welcome. K. So. YAH! [they both draw their rave weapons] WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU? I AM IN “THE FUCK” YOU'RE “THE FUCK”, YOU DICK. Here's your gift. [She tosses it.] Oh, Gosh--this is... actually exactly what I wanted. I know dude. UH-WHO ARE YOU? I'm YO(U) . [They do not battle. He just accepts it.] Have you seen this rock? It's...not a rock, it's… Well, have you seen it? Yeah I've seen it. It's pretty sick. Yeah… (Delirious) Oh My God--A Tiny Man...with a tiny scythe…. I am not a man. I'M NOT A WOMAN. ---he changed his name to a symbol. I'M NOT A MAN. “is _____________” a boy or girl I AM SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. Oh, Jesus Christ. What dude. What the fuck do you want? What? Wait, you're...Jesus----Jesus-Jesus??? If you insist on still calling me that, I told you ages ago... (to himself) ...that makes so much sense…Jesus… Hm? Hey wait--are you still--sleeping--kind of? *wakes instantly* Sleeping? Who's sleeping? I'm not sleeping! Chel. HUH. [they squint at each other suspiciously] WHO'S THE PINATA NOW, BITCH?! Oh, my God, Gerald! Get a hold of yourself!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Dillon--What have you done. WHAT--DID YOU--DO. Just...Voodoo. VOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (She's mad.) ((Oh, she's so mad)) (((Mad, what's that?))) Bruh. She bleached my asshole. What! Yeah. And then tie dyed it. Trending: Rainbow Taint. Bro. How did you even find out about that? -creative ways you might find out, your junk has been permanently altered. What, it's PERMANENT. Dude, how Am I supposed to explain my LITERALLY Blue Balls? --I”M BLUE DA BA DE, DA BU DI__ I thought it was “Da BU Di--Do-Bu-DI” Obblah-di, Oh Blah-da; Life goes on, brah-- La-Da-Da-Da-Life goes on. I don't know. I might be a writer. She's a writer. She's a writer! Oh No! She's a rider. Oh, that's robust. Oh My God--It was that big? (Nods) You'd never know. ...I knew it... What did you do with it? I just wrapped it around my leg and tucked it into my sock, most the time. Oh, wow. Yeah. I had to layer, the tube socks. That's--wow. Yeah. I mean. When you're right, you're right. You're right. I just get confused about it when I see him in shorts now. [in shorts.] (she cocks her head to the side and squints, staring very suspiciously) (Later) We find that -- Woah. What. This is ridiculous. It is. Skrillex is Ridiculous. It is. So wait. This dudes dick. Oh my God. Is so long-- right He just opens up a portal to another dimension, so he has some place to put it while he's doing business-- What is this. --So it doesn't get in the way. Lol. Pocket Portal. Why did you DO this? Who did this? SIR. STOP CALLING ME THAT. SIr, it was “not enough.” What? I don't get it, so he's like a psychic? Skrillex is a psychic. Mm. No. No, he isn't. Uh, yes he is. No, he's not. He's just from the future, so he knows what's in it. Oh. Which future? All of them. Wait, which human era? ... Oh, I've seen the movie. How could you see the movie, it doesn't exist yet? Oh. It exists. What? It does? Yes. And It is fucked up. Like, in a good way? just FUCKED UP. Bruh. I went to go see Skrillex last night. Oh shit. How was it? IT WAS FUCKED UP Like, in a good way? JUST-- I JUST-- I JUST, ADJUST. There. There it is. Adjust. I don't see anything. Veer Weest. There! There! Right! There! *gasps* Wait, I think I see it. I see something. Wait. Is that. Adjust. *gasp* it's moving. It is moving, It appears to be moving. I can't just leave it, they'll find it--I have to keep moving it. You can't keep moving it--the planet can't handle it. There are still humans on it! I know there are still humans on it, that's where I left them; but I can't just put it back, and I can't just leave it out here for the Inter--Galactic-- Interdimensional-- Whatever! I'm not just gonna leave it here for some aliens to turn into a trash planet.It's not a trash planet. (It's, basically a trash planet) It's a trash planet. Okay, well--it's my trash planet! And. I already annihilated--or, am in the current process of--annihilating all the evil soulless demon people-things. All the Bad Things. It has a lot of badness. Yes, but recently less badness. Kind of. And also less water. Everyone's thirsty now. But...I mean, we always were, kind of. Especially in LA. What is your process? This is it. Look. This planet-- Trash Planet-- Trash--Look. Its full of primitive species-- OKay-- And also other things that shouldn't be there. Alright. And it's almost dead. Or dying. Or...dead already. It's dead. It's a dead trash-planet. But I can't let anything [else] happen to it. --AND DEN-- You caused an entire apocalypse. Well, they called me fat, so. Well great; What are you going to do with your dead post apocalyptic trash planet? You can't keep expanding everlasting galaxies just so you can stuff this piece of crap planet into voids. Aha-Ha. IT'S FUCKIN--AHA-- W-Wait. Where did it go? Where did he go? Where did she go? How did I get here? How DID she get there? I've been looking for you everywhere! That sucks… Where were you? Nowhere. Like, the only place I didn't check! It was the first place I checked. You checked? Yes. He wasn't there. He's not in there. He's not on the lineup. I know how to get her here. ___Dude, I don't know how you did this! How did you DO this? Look, it's a long story. Well make it a short one. *sighs* Look. I was jumping up and down, during my set, like usual--okay. OKay. So I….dropped the bass, and then… AND DEN? And then? And then…(looks off, into the distance, for a moment) I went up, the bass went down; My dick went sideways, and forward-- --sideways and forward, at the same time-- >>>Yes. It was a lot. Yo. What's his power. I don't know. I know you know. Everybody knows you know. What's his power. Ask him. Dude, I know you know it; Just tell me. “Macbook Bro” It's Apples Take on Music Production. Yo dude, these are flying off the shelves. ___ Dude. I jus' joined the mile high club. No way. Yes way. With who? Myself. Nice. It was great. __ So you're telling me-- I'm telling you--what I was told-- That they put him on a helicopter in the middle of the desert-- ---Black Rock City-- Whatever--Burning man--middle of the desert-- _-Yeah-- --Right. And then flew him to-- --”an undisclosed location”-- --okay-- ___ Okay, I actually just had a few questions about the script… Go ahead, I was wondering about this scene with Skrillex. ...Skrillex? What Skrillex? It's...pages… No. It isn't. There's no Skrillex. He is introduced as a character in Act... No, Skrillex isn't in this. He...is...I'm...looking right at it. What page? Pages 45, thru… “45” Yeah. There's no...come here. What. Come over here. Let me see. [Does.] ...what master is this... The revision I got in my email this morning. From who? From you. WHAT? BRO. YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT OUT TO THE DESERT-- ---YEAH--- --AND WE BURNED THAT-- ---YEAH--- MY ENTIRE STAFF GOT THAT IN THEIR EMAIL THIS MORNING. WHAT? I thought that was the only copy. IT WAS. WHAT THE FUCK. BRO THIS NIGGA. THIS NIGGA. NIGGA. Skrillex did A Skrillex. Three People Know About It. Skrillex is not one of those people. Woah. So. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Oh, no…. ...I just don't get it; I'm really sleepy. Well yeah...you are ...dead, so. What? I'm dead? Oh, yes. That explains it. It... actually doesn't explain anything. Do you remember what happened? Uh...I...Hmm. It's alright, take your time. What is “Time”, really? Ah, he's waking up. ___ He's not waking up. He's been like this for awhile. What do we do? Call it in. Call It in and say what? Hey, we just Michael Jackson'd Skrillex? Technically, he Michael Jackson'd himself. Technically, Michael Jackson Micheal Jackson'd himself. Oh, shit, that's right. And 9/11 was an inside job. Well yeah. --so, we're white; it's not like we'll get jail time for it-- Jail time--woah woah woah-- We'll, we're also rich so-- oh , oh yeah. Well, I mean --technically he's not--I mean--he's still alive… He's been sleeping for 3 weeks, dude. Right--so he's gotta be waking up soon, right? yeah . If you still believe in santa clause (Later) By the way, dude; Santa Clause, dude; He's-- --What? He's real too? Really real. You really can hear everything when you're in a coma. I didn't send this! It was never supposed to-- --Well. The studio likes it, they gave us the go ahead for everything this morning-- Everything waht? Well the budget, expansions. Expansions? Yeah, for the dance scenes. Dance scenes? Yeah. And. Skrillex is on his way over to discuss the contracts. Contracts? Yeah. Skrillex? Yes. Skrillex seen this? Yes. Skrillex can't see this. He... already has. No. Yeah. (just shakes head, in harsh reflection) He likes it. He's doing it. He..likes..it? Yes. He's on the way. Now? Yes. Skrillex. ...Yes, Skrillex is on the-- --BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF SKRILLEX-- BYE. Where's SUPACREE? Nobody can find her. She just--vanished. --just vanished? Yeah. What happened? (Later) Well, I did mention Skrillex... --ohhhh, you told her Skrillex was coming? That explains it. It...doesn't explain anything. Actually, nah, that explains everything. What are you talking about? ...I'm not. Rezz knows. Rezz: Knows what. Exactly. Nigga you caught a Skrillex. YEAH BITCH. Throw it back! What? Throw it back! We don't eat that! What? Throw it back. Well, I went to Skrillex this morning. How was it? They destroyed it, it's gone now. Destroyed it? IT's gone? I mean--pretty much gone; it's still there--like you can go, but when you get there it's..there's nothing there. There's Nothing there. ...did you see that? What? [There's nothing there.] ...huh..did you hear that? What? [There's nothing there] Woah, who's his best friend? Looks like this girl is-- Damn. She's hot. Hot. Feeling Hot, Hot Hot! Welp, retreat. Retreat? Retreat. We're not doing this. They're...retreating. Wat? Why would they retreat? They're turning around… Oh… And....they're gone. They left. I wonder why. DUDE, DID YOU SEE-- I know. I was like-- Yesss honey, I know. So yeah. Yeahhhhh. Now what? [They don't know.] What happened? They don't know! [Nobody knows.] Nobody knows. Skrillex knows. Wait. WHAT. Yeah, Skrillex knows. ...what? wait --how do you know? ...sometimes, I find out things.) >..about Skrillex? yeah ,man. How? Does it MATTER? ...uh...it does matter. How did you GET this? Doesn't matter. Uh. It DOES matter. I know he did it. I was THERE. What dude, you weren't there. Deadmau5: I was there. Oh yeah, Joel? He was there. So you remember that? Well, yeah. Well, I was already hanging with Dillon Francis, which was weird. --it was weird-- So when Deadmau5 shows up in the middle of it, it doesn't really matter how fucked up I am, I'm gonna remember some shit like that. What? I don't remember that happening. Huh. So you must have blacked out first. Which means I WON. Actually, I feel like we all lost. --yeah, but it didn't get really weird, until-- I AM SKRILLEX. Deadmau5: Yeah, see. Yo dude, this nigga is Skrillex. This isn't Skrillex. It's Skrillex. It's not Skrillex. I'm looking straight at him. It is Skrillex, dude. I know what I'm talking about. But you don't remember anything else about it? No, I don't. Dude. She bedazzled my dick and then did photoshoots with it. More than one? Three. One was on location. To DOctor: What? It's permanent? I mean-- Well can I at least take out this barbell and change is for something less...blingy. It's got rhinestones. Uh actually, those are real diamonds--uh, you're welcome--and --AND--? It's not just blingy; It also has bluetooth. Bluetooth for WHAT. Dude. Oh watch this. I have the app installed on my phone, I just-- Dude. What did she do to your dick? What? My DICK? Nothing. What? [They all stare.] What? It was-- What do you know about Skrillex? ...Too much, actually. Why? Okay, then you make a Right on Time. Okay, now what? Make another right. Okay… Now, at the next light , take another right. ...On TIME? Why didn't we just take a LEFT on TIME? What? He should have made it; I know he left ofn time. Right road, wrong realm. Okay. NOw what. OKay, now hit warp speed; Because the Interdimensional Galactic Special Forces Patrol is going to start chasing you. WHAT? **ALIEN SIRENS** (AND LAZERS) THIS IS REALLY COOL!! Yeah, I know; but they have nukes, so-- OH. Yeah, Run. RUN! RUNNNNNNN! Did you run? I did not run; i RAN. I RAN for my life! What. She's in IRAN? ...I RA...VE. PARTY? PARTY-PARTY. What am I looking at right now? That? That's just a Doompy Poomp. Why? WHY? I don't know. They just have them here. For WHAT? WHY? They just happen. I told you she was gonna get stuck in it. (And She did) Spiders are actually highly intelligent--and--rather humane. You know what, actually? I kind of like this. You're trapped in it, and about to get eaten. Ah...ok. OK? YOu're okay with this? WOAH! You were trapped in a spider's web? What. Yeah, once. I wouldn't recommend it, but; I guess that's what I get for trying to be a fly on the wall. WHAT DID YOU DO? I don't know how he did it, okay? What? Of course you know; you have to know. I don't know. You have to know. I don't. I just First rule of time travel: DON'T. Oh, that is the first rule. Skrillex has broken the first rule of time travel. The FIRST rule? He's broken EVERY rule. Should we let him go? We're gonna have to let him go. Wow, you fired Skrillex? You Killed Skrillex. “What, is he sick?” “No, fool--we're gonna kill him.” MUFASA MOTHERFUCKER. THAT MOTHER-FATHER. MOTHERFUCKER! How did he even get in through the-- I don't know. Which exit did he leave through? He didn't! He just (whirring noise, spiral loop, POOF) What. Is his Power. I DON'T KNOW. OOh. SKRILLEX has POWERS? Of course he has powers. Of course he has powers. He's magic. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I never thought about that. You Never thought about it? NO! Not even ONCE? NOOO! Not Even One Time? ...WELL, Now I've thought about it. HA! See. No! I don't “see!” I did NAZI that-- Yes you did. I know how to get her here. HOW? HOW. Just put Skrillex on the lineup. I can't afford to get Skrillex on the lineup. Dude. It's simple. There's literally not one simple thing about Skrillex. He's got a HUGE deck. It IS pretty massive. I had to power wash it. Twice. ___ Here. This shit is a girl blunt. I only smoke Gurl Bluntz. __ I thought you were gonna have that thing removed… Actually, I kinda like it; it's actually-- Oh. Yeah. Once you get used to it, it's kind of nice. When was the last time you went on Pornhub? I mean, I rarely-- [2 HOURS EARLIER.] Hysterical Laughter in at least 3 Dimensions. (Actually it was 6) Actually it's 9. Really it's Twelve, though. FUCK IT--ADMIT IT: WE ALL LAUGHED. Oh, dude--I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed. I Skrillex'ed, I'm Sorry! Alright--I admit it. I admit It. ADMIT IT! I Admit it! I Skrilex'ed Drop the e. DROP THE BASS. Oh, my God. Ohhh, my GoD. Oh, My Gaaaahhhhh Okay. Did you see it--were you there?? Yeah, I mean, I seen it-- You were there. I was therre, buttt I mean. I was there. You were not there. I was...there. Theree? I'm still there! This motherfucker right here. I guess. I mean, I guess he's a Motherfucker Doesn't look like much of a otherfucker to me. *Motherfucker. Look at this motherfucker. Mother-fucker! Mucutherfuckkin...Motherfuck. STOP SAYINTHAT! WHICH THING. ANYTHING. JUST SHUT UP. … Where are we going? I don't know we're just...going...to get there. Okay… __ DID YOU SEE WAAT THEY ADDED TO THE BASS PARADE? “Bass Parade?” Okay, that place is really cool. Okay. Now Once theHelicopter landson top of the Helipad… Okay. Okay so . Check this out. Okay. She actually pretended to hate you-- “pretended ?” And then gained a following from that-- I bet. --and then vanished all of these haters into an unknown void off the interdimensional reality grid HUh. (“Skrillex is doing a Suprise Set!) Man, Fuck Skrillex. [out of nowhere] Uh. Fuck you. Ummm. BEGONE. I don't know man People just keep--appearing in my Dungenon man, it's WEIRD --That is weird-- I mean--don't get me wrong; It's a strange blessing and everything, and believe me--my dragons are happy as fuck-- They're..wait, what of people are just appearing in your dungeon? Like-- I think they're mostly evil people. Like no-- No, like women or children, or anything. Oh, good. No, no, nothing like that. Wait. I thought a dragon was -- (Explains land of dragons) Oh That's . Wait, Did Justin Roiland ALSO go to the future? Or was it_-- wait, who was that? Whose socks are these? Socks? What socks. That never happened. What didn't. Exactly. See. He knows. Knows--what? See. Bruh. Huh. Loose Lips: Sink ships, baby--goon; Tell me. Tell Me. Deadass. Just saw Charlie Sheen in that corner over there. Word? What was he doing Nothing. He was just being Charlie Sheen in a corner (Actually, he was up to some super serious shit. ) Wait--like in a good way, or? Yeah, actually he's; He's there on PR, it's like a whole thing. Oh. So there's a DJ battle on the world of floor. Yeah. That happened. That did happen. I was there. You were. I were. oh , Believe me; I was semi-omnipotently present. Is that true? Are you at odds with Skrillex? No...I'd say we're pretty even. She photocopied it. “She photocopied it.” Oh God. Oh My God OH GOD. Should we...alert...Anybody, or just-- RUN. RUN NGGA, RUN. RUN, SONNY, RUN. Oh shit--Skrillex is in this. Fahck. FAQUE! WHAT. Huh. When did you write this? I...didn't write this. Oh--that's crazy; you mean, I've been pretty much doing whatever the whole time; but I'm like--i'm sleeping? Well, I mean, you're dead, so. So wait--that happened after I died? Okay? Okay. Okay-- so what happened to him? Unh. Yuh. That's deep. OKay look; I'm gonna be landing later. If you see something in the Sky; please do not shoot it down? Okay? I'm renting this shit. What are you doing? I Shooting down a UFO. A UFO? DUDE. I IDENTIFIED MYSELF. UFO= U FUCKIN OWE ME. Ohhh--goddamn-- okay. Dang dude, they really wanna see this fight. WHAT? What fight Okay, stay low to the ground Lower. {does} I mean like really low. Lower. [does] More. [they are crouching] Perfect, now --THE BASS DROPS--- … You wanted Skrillex, Right? ..Uh...yeah, but-- We brought Skrillex. OKay, look--how do I never, ever explain this? JUst DON'T. JUST. DON'T What the fuck dude. Well, now they're ALL on their way; Are you happy. ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY? ----------------------------------------------------------------- R U OK? ------------------------------------------------- Uh. Dude...how did you get in here…? She came in through the bathroom window... I don't know. More importantly; how do you get out? She's stuck She's Stuck. She's stuck in a Skrillex. Oh, she is stuck-stuck. I'll go get it. DUDE--We launched her into another dimension! (What is this?) *Jumping up and down furiously* Oh Good, her phone is dead. Heh heh heh She's completely isolated. She came alone? I mean--what else was I gonna do? So. Overall: Who Would you say fucked up the hardest? -Definitely Skrillex. -Definitely Dillon Francis. Mr. Mr Television Is a sinister Public servant and citizen Mr. Miserable listens to Millions of visions; Sends them into ascension With his exquisite musicianship. Aww--so then what--they live happily ever after? What The fuck. No. They fuckiing hate eachother. Well, that was...arguably one of the coolest things I've ever seen. You, sir, are very crunchy toast on a cold, dry morning. Um. OKay. Without butter. (Sad face.) What the fuck happened to you?! What the fuck happened to him? I heard. He got his ass whooped by Dillon Francis. What. The Fuck. YEAH. When was that? Apparently at The Event. I was at that! So was I; I was actually at that stage; I just didn't see it happen! I would pay to watch that. I paid to watch it. What. Yeah, actually; We had the watch party at my house it was.... It was random. Yeah. It was. Like, actually random. I've never seen anything like that in my life. HELLO? SKRILLEX DILLON FRANCIS! Oh shit dude, run. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © Oh, that's what I need. Phone, Wallet Ah, fuck it.

"Lazy" feeling it ? Addicted to being lazy asf ? Hahah this is for you lazy people.

DER ER NYTÅRSPODCAST!! DER ER NYTÅRSPODCAST!!Rasmus Gejl, Maria Nyborg og jeg er igen mødtes - efter en god lang jul. Høhø. Denne gang vender vi også kategorier til Reality Awards.Kategorierne er:Årets bedste konkurrencedrevne programÅrets bedste karakterdrevne programÅrets bedste kvindelige deltagerÅrets bedste mandlige deltagerJeg elsker, at jeg får lov til at lave podcast med Maria og Rasmus.Jeg holder en pause på en uges tid - men vender stærkt tilbage, med en hel ny podcast i uge 2 - og det er en first!! For jeg skal mødes med en af de støreste reality tv værter. Jeg offentliggøre det i næste uge, og tænker, at I skal kunne stille spørgsmål til personen. Håber vi kan gøre det til en ny ting i Reality Tjek, at der i ny og næ kommer en podcast, hvor vi taler med værterne.Indtil da - tak for at lytte med. Uden jer ingen podcast.Og tak til Maria for at være min nye medvært. Jeg glæder mig til mange gode snakke i 2024.Rasmus Gejl vil forevigt have en plads i mit hjerte - han er jo min første. Hahah..Rigtig godt nytår til jer alle sammen og vi ses i det nye år. Mange knus herfra Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

for our final episode of 2023... listen to young be the weirdo that he is HAHAH this is a guy who will pretty much put anything on his face, treat his woman like a literal queen, and has more self love than may be healthy... listen to us get vulnerable about his dating life and see you next year gogis!! xx, young & hana TIMESTAMPS 00:00 hi young!! 01:20 breast milk as skincare 03:12 are you dating? 04:34 getting vulnerable while dating 06:32 how long should you be dating for? 08:03 young's 2023 dating wrapped 10:36 putting girls on a pedestal  11:57 young's self love 14:15 hana's food poisoning 18:27 young's type 20:21 YOUNG'S SELF LOVE 22:21 ego dating 23:57 girls using young for money 29:49 dating age range 36:56 “high drive” 40:22 am I gay? 46:33 99.99% of young's friends are girls 48:44 meeting people irl 50:45 how much are you spending on a first date? YOUNG YUH https://www.tiktok.com/@yayayayoung https://www.instagram.com/yayayayoung/ https://www.tiktok.com/@yayayayummy https://www.instagram.com/yayayayummy_/ https://www.youtube.com/@yayayayoungg HANAKATTT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/hanakattt/⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@hanakattt/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠ BULGOGI POD⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@bulgogi.podcast/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/bulgogi.podcast/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/bulgogipodcast/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ STUDIO MODU⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/studio.modu/⁠ ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@modustudio⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠ ~music in this episode provided by epidemic sound~ all social media + design work + cover art by ashley peng ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/lilshashimii/ ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠ sounds by 808kino contact us at bulgogipod@gmail.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/bulgogipod/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/bulgogipod/support

Thinking about interrailing next summer? Here is a list of everything you need to bring and all of the countries we visited! I was honestly half asleep while recording this it was so boring to edit HAHAH byeee I'll try better in the next episode I promise. If you listened, thank you. Love ya

DER ER PODCAST! DER ER PODCAST!Maria og jeg var mødtes for at tale om datingprogrammer: Men pludseligt var vi lige så opslugt i Squid Game - The Challenge som alle andre. Vanvittigt program. Men det betyder ikke, at der ikke er nyt på den danske dating reality fløj. Endelig siger DR, ja vi laver reality med programmet Døm vores forhold. En lille freaking perle. Og TV2 siger også: Hahah.. V har også lavet vores eget programm, Se mig, hør mig, Elsk mig. Wow,.. Intet er dårligt. Og jeg både tuder og har et lille rant. Så et perfekt Reality Tjek program. Tak for at lytte med og tak til Maria Nyborg - jeg vil tælle døre og hjul for dig.Og uden dig ingen podcast - men det ved du#fridabnotmybachelorette Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Vorige week had ik een gigantische creativiteitsdip. Hoe ik daarmee omging vertel ik je in dee podcastaflevering. EN deze ochtend schoot m'n creativiteitsdip uit de grond en werd het Eén bol creativiteit. Hahah! Dus ik heb ook wat met je te delen.  Schrijf https://www.kimdegraeve.be/livedag voor middernacht en ontvang de bowling bonus 

Join me this week as we share episode 200!  I'm offering some JENergy healing sessions and have more information for you!   Thanks for being here and sending you lots of energy and high kicks for a great day!  

2 Weeks late... thanks life! Finally done with this filth! Hahah! We end on a positive note with Saw X and then rank all of the films. BTW, Saw X is not only the best Saw, it is one of the best horrors to come out in a while.

Hello there! In today's episode, I am joined by my dude Carter!! He is such an awesome dude who has such a great spirit to him! We have so much fun saying things we think are overrated/underrated. DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONAL! Hahah all in fun! May the brew be with you! CC

You know what I've been thinking lately? Here we are again! Tell me what's on your mind? I feel like going to REALLY cold places. You? I give you only 3 days and you'd eventually end up going to Hawaii. This time I mean it because I'm very inspired by those beautiful birds in tuxedos. By what? I mean.. by penguins. Ahh, aren't they so cute?! They look like gentlemen wearing suits shambling around. Hah. Where does this penguin love come from? You know it's not like adopting a dog. Yeah. That's why I'm like “I should get to them.” And? I've been checking my possibilities for Antarctica! Uhmm. Okay things are getting a bit crazy right now. You know there are countries like Peru, Chile where you could see them. Does going to Antarctica sound more possible to you than going to South America? Yes. Because I've actually found a job vacancy in Antarctica. Uk Antarctic Heritage Trust announced that they're looking for somebody who will be counting Gentoo Penguins in Antarctica and working in the souvenir shop at the same time! Hahah. Man, I'm sorry but I can't imagine you doing that. Well okay at some point there are difficulties like having no time zone and cleaning penguin poop and- What? Cleaning penguin poops? Hahah. Wow, that is the dream job! And some personal hygiene issues... Don't tell me you won't have water to wash your hands. No no. I just remember reading something like “You're lucky if a cruise ship docks nearby because that'll be the only way for you to take a.. proper shower.” Wow what a relief.. Hahah. Yeah, also I won't have to pay my bills or any rent. There are like 2 ATMs though. I think I can survive for 6 months. What would you need the atms for? Are you gonna be going to the clubs with your penguins? It doesn't sound so bad! I would come to Antarctica only to witness this! You know there's a lot more to witness rather than my catchy dance moves with my penguins in Antarctica. Let me enlighten you a little bit more about it. Maybe you'll change your mind eventually. I'm cleaning my dog's poop and that's quite enough for me already. But let's hear what you'll say. We can say that this coldest place ever can have temperatures as low as -128 ºF. So humankind didn't really have a lot of attempts to discover it fully. It's amazing how living beings survive in this eternal cold. And there's a part we can't even witness. The ice covering the continent hides a lot of things. Even today, scientists keep different creatures that don't resemble any other living being. According to some legend, below this ice there might be a hidden city. The lost city of Atlantis.  Listen to Bright Side on: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0hUkPxD... Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id... For more videos visit BRIGHT SIDE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4rl... Music by Epidemic Sound https://www.epidemicsound.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After the ancient alien mystic chak Chel merges with supacree, she leads her on a wild adventure though space and time as the worlds newest superhero, helping supacree to master her powers and abilities, and helping her to escape the clutches of the evil and largely unknown evils of the multiverse— Meeting worlds and Banding together witb characters from infinite multidimensional worlds and realms… THE LEGEND OF SUPACREE LEGENDS GERALD'S WORLD OWSLA CONFIDENTIAL: THE INFINITE SKRILLIFILES ENTER THE MULTIVERSE DEATHWISH ASCENSION THE SECRET LIFE OF SUNNÏ BLŪ SCARY MONSTERS & SUPACREE THE INSOMNIAC &MORE FROM [The Festival Project.™] SEASON 6 ACT III Part I MONTAGE: Clique, Cruel Summer Kanye West, JAY-Z & Big Sean EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES. BROAD ASS DAYLIGHT SUPACREE has unlocked 100% Of her ABILITIES GOD MODE UNLOCKED SUPACREE EXITS EQUINOX FITNESS CLUB AT LIGHTSPEED, Hitting the pavement with swift force, splitting into three dimensional selves; SUNNI BLŪ to her left and A MYSTERIOUS, unknown ALTER EGO to her right, she shifts quickly to the beat of the music, morphing into and out of parallels of the outer world, opening and closing portals, and encapsulating anything and everything within her force field—which happens to be the whole of GREATER LOS ANGELES. Damn. If I put my heart inside a box; Maybe I'd forget how cold it was Or how far you are Or how much it hurts There's no harm in God, If there ever was one Then, reality sets in: God was my only friend No armor on, I'm at the end Of a long, long walk I'm off again And on again Nothing's impossible— stop at the alter and scoff a bit I left my coat on, I left my heart on the rooftop, A sacrifice, love At the alter, I wonder a song, Or a sonnet A song, No, what's wrong? Something's off a bit God, I woke up in a coffin once Isn't that awful? The rest or the song wrote itself, At the alter No, I can't stop and talk Got to get off, Cause I've never been on I've never belonged in the world What have we done? This is bad, brother. That's a construct. Everything's a construct! Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of—you know what? I do know. You think you're fuckin' clever. I am clever. You're a sick man. That's my business. Yeah, well—you made it my business. I am you. What a concept. *construct. God, help you! [sideways evil smirk] Hehe. SPAM! ON TACOS! BUTTERS Oh—Jesus! WHO PUTS SPAM ON TACOS?! A smart man. C'mon, Butters. We gotta get lost in the sauce before we try this out. I'MMA TRY IT OUT. OK. GOD, OH, GOD, PLEASE— MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN— (WhT.) JUST— DON'T LET IT BE SKRILL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Fuxk. What. She took the train. Which fucking train. I don't know. The train. THE A TRAIN, or the B TRAIN?! HEY. WHAT, you motherfucking idiot? I THINK I LOVE YOU. Well, stop thinking. Ok. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER has been kidnapped— He's like 50 years old. He's been dad-napped. —by the MOB. The MOB?! He's into some dark shit. Wait, he is?! In this series. He has been tied to a chair, which sits under a single spotlight in a shabby, dark room in NEW JERSEY. Ew, New Jersey. JIMMY THE MOBSTER Hi, Jimmy— JIMMY FALLON —uh—hello. JIMMY THE MOBSTER I'm Jimmy. JIMMY FALLON Oh, that's ironic. [beat] JIMMY THE MOBSTER I'm gonna kill you, Jimmy. GOD If I give you a serious role, how are you gonna handle it? JIMMY FALLON like a pro. GOD don't lie to me, Jimmy. JIMMY FALLON What?! I'm not! My body, heart, mind, and soul was being attacked— I had 15 minutes to vacate the property and couldn't even focus—I had to use the bathroom so badly it hurt my soul. I was pacing back and forth, choking back ugly tears—the rude man in the room across the way still occupying the bathroom which I needed, both to clean and relieve myself—but it had been hell, after all, and needs like these had been proven to be in short supply. Fuck. This is a gun to your head. Just do it. [he moves the pistol into her mouth] Now it's in your mouth. [she unhinges her jaw to open it wider, never breaking eye contact and relaxes; he studies his hand on the grip of the tripper, ready to lill] You'll die today. [A comfort; as she relaxes, he as well changes—this seems to take the fun of killing away from him, he exacts the gun from her mouth] CONT'D You like that? I love it— You're dead, bitch! Yes, I am! A penniless whore. Whores get paid— Then, even less— What's less than this? A dead bitch. Think again. I don't think, I just shoot; Sounds like a man. Oh, I am. Then kill me with your hands. Jesus Christ, man. He can't help. No one can help you. So just shoot. [he can't] SUNNI. )&2&;@2@2$ YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL. SUCK MY DICK. AGHHJJJ. Well. TMZ is here. This is a disaster. NEXT, WE LEARN: THE Oh my God. WhT. This is probably the worst thing I've ever written. Not the worst. Nope: it is the worst. Maybe it's just bad on paper. It's bad no matter how you — CONTROL, JANET PRIVACY. Here. Wtf is this. LEGENDS: FAME SCHOOL Christopher Walken was one of my professors in fame school For acting? For music. For music? That doesn't make any sense. Please, don't make me explain this. A FACE BATTLE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN vs. SUPACREE -_- —__^ *_- ^__ __/ *_* >< … —-__—- Ok. Alright. Show me what you got. SUPACREE plays a beat. You know where this is going. We all know where this is going. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN that was OK. “OK”?! Yeah. *shrugs* OK. You know what— You know what it needs? …what's it need? —-more cowbell. I beg your pardon. Please, don't beg. It was perfect. It was OK. You're not OK. —maybe I'm not. You're definitely not. —know what helps? Don't tell me: More fucking cowbell. Lol. ⅔ ain't bad. Wait, two out or three?! Which one didn't I— —FUCK. What, what happened? They're onto me. THE BAMPHERAMPS, MOTHERFUCKING BAMPHERAMPHS, and THE ASCENDED MASTERY has assembled in NEW YORK CITY to stage a coup. It's a coup d'état. There sure is a lot of French shit over here. Well yeah, it's Paris. Wait. What, what now? If SUPACREE is in Paris. NIGGAZ. Right—then— Who the fuck are they chasing in New York. [just waking up] Why am I in New York? WHOOPI GOLDBERG you got anyplace else to be? …no. MEANWHILE, IN ROME. Fanculo! Really, dude. Apparently. A tear in my head; A rip in my soul, And the fabric of— Coming undone at the whole; I make sense of it all at the alter, The fall; To have fought in the war, And then lost, or to suffer at all Love was lost, I was never a martyr— Blood on the cross, And the crossroads, The frost and the stardust, “There's no God” For the honorable, Stuck in New York, But defrosting my toes, At the forefront I haven't once wondered or thought Of the love that I was, Since I stopped throwing rocks at the church Or got off on the wrong stop; What a puzzle, To jump off, Or rot in the heart of The hub— World of wonders, A mother of suns, Never wanted a daughter so much Unpunishment, Loved was the Duchess; To carry a crutch or a cross— So unbothered, untouched, So heartless and dark, For the marksman—a spark Or the dog does not bark At the horses You're in the clear, hero. Heartless, she was! Now, now—settle down. This is an absolute outrage. Is it, now? I say so! Maybe you shouldn't. Faro, a word, I've got three. I'll go first. [a smug look] What's happened here? A ressurection, sir. Care to explain? I said ‘three.' Where's the King? My palms grew numb as my throbbing heartache welled up into the back of my throat and sat perched up against my growling stomach, stuffed with beans and rice, perhaps to fill the sadness or satiate my need for protein, either one. ASCENSION If you're going to vomit, step away from me. —I'm not sick. Actually, step out of my house. This is your house? —I live here. —no one lives here. What did you think it was? an elaborate cave. It is—an elaborwte cave— —excuse my ignorance. You're excused entirely. —I appreciate that. I meant, from here. You should go. Faro, wait. No more waiting; you were uninvited. Trust me—this visitation is more necessary than voluntary. That's—a lot of words. I don't speak caveman. Just—get out. Listen: No more listening— It's about C'esme't. It always is. This is important. It always is. It concerns you. It always does. —? Wait. [a heavy sigh] [a long silence] Come with me. FARO leads GÍAN towards the back of his quarters. Close the door. I— what? Nevermind. You're useless. Ehrm—excuse me. Excused, your majesty. FARO opens a SECRET PASSAGEWAY into a FUTURISTIC CORIDOR, leading GÍAN into a vast FORTRESS. balls. Uh. My stomach in knots And my life is in ruins Constellations all gone, And my heart, on the border of hurt— And mistrust So unlovable, loveless— Promises, scars and the art was devoured Ah— she was awful; Ah—she must have lost her mind God, she was homeless, And loveless, And wild eyed All that I wanted, Was to get lost in the lobby, Before the whole ball dropped —and watch the false phropet Collide wirh the comet Stop: I lost God at the crosswalk, The punishment was Homeless Now watch this: This is what I wanted: Doesn't really matter now, Does it? Oh, doesn't it. God, this is Lucifer. Son, it's an honor. No God for a mother, who walks on her own. Now it's over or under. It's over. It never got started. I locked up my heart with the piñata. How irrelevant. How awkward. How curse words turn to mantras. How I have half a heart Or, like ⅓ We're being honest, now. I thought Illuminati wanted hotties and Caucasians. Well, I guess that'll explain, Why you've been stuck inside a cage, then. NICK CAGE is an extremely skilled time traveler. Ok. WHOOPI GOLDBERG has freed herself from the cage in which SUPACREE had skillfully trapped the OWL OF THE GOLDEN EYE. WhT a prophecy. MEANWHILE, AT HOGWARTS. HOGWARTS, 2023. ANANDAR is HEADMASTER. Ah, fuck. I'm gonna puke. All I wanted was to shamelessly watch the man's balls swing like a pendulum... Well, here's this instead. Oh no, it's Skrillex. Now you have to— —now I have to watch this. Why. Cause I've already seen that. I hate you. I hate you. SOLD, to the lady in red. Damn. Slavery is cool. Yeah, I guess. FUCK. What. Idk. BITCH. GET OUT THE BASEMENT; I'm in the attick What you think this is? Lights, camera, action: Now that attractions been well established I should get back to it, I'm in the attic Lighting up matches, Fixin my holes up with patches Callin it classic Call me an asshole, I can't be mad man, I am a mad man, I bring the mask back To Handle a trash can Get out the basement. I told you he could dance. A GIANT DRAGON Oh shit, here it comes. FIRE. DILLON FRANCIS I Well. We're gonna die. DILLON FRANCIS II If she throws up, I get a pickle. DILLON FRANCIS III That's a deal. DILLON FRANCIS II And if she cries, I get a French poodle named Angelina Jolie. DILLON FRANCIS III Righteous. DILLON FRANCIS II Yur damn right. A GIANT DRAGON FLIES OVERHEAD, SWEEPING THE SKIES WITH FIRE AND LIGHTNING. DILLON FRANCIS I (CONT'D) Yeah, we're definitely fucked. Why are you dressed like Froto. FROTO (in background, dressed exactly alike) That is offensive! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. It's the end of the world! (At least as we know it) IS THAT SKRILLEX? FIRE BREATHING DRAGON. Well, it was. What the fuck HAPPENED?! Is that its final form? Yes it is. I'll give you one million dollars. That's not enough. This card is priceless. What is this. Like a Pokémon game?! This whoops Pokémon's ass. This is LEGENDS. LIL' BIIIITZ Yo! New York is CRAZY First of all, how is it all of a sudden CLEANER THAN LA?! New York's like: here —we sent all the nasty people to LA. All better. Polarity shift! LA is gross now! New York cleaned up! The trains are nice —shit— All the trash is in BAGS. I was like “Whaaaaaaat” this is nice. What the fuck. This shit different! Unh. they exported all the nasty, crazy motherfuxkers to LA. On GOD. Cause every other psychologically twisted individual I talk to in LA is like: “I'M FROM NEW YORK” *hawks loogie, spits* Uhhhhh… I was going on a little European adventure; New York's like: “You know, you never stay long…” I'm like “There's a reason for that…welp, gotta go.” The whole universe fucked around and was like— “You know what? We like you here. Stay. “ What. “STAY.” Fuck. New York is different. Won't say I love it — But goddamn, I like it! People are rude. People are rude as fuck. I'm used to LA where people are fake nice For fuckin tips and shit, you know? Everybody's trying to get famous for something, Or something. Idk. Fake as fuck. Fake nice. Fake happy. Fake titties. Fake lips. Just fucking fake. fake everything. Everything is plastic. —and it's not tied up in garbage bags, either. It's just plastic, and trash, and piss everywhere. It's so gross. You see Venice Beach on the movies: It's all clean and beautiful, and picturesque. You get there, it's like Skid Row + Skid Row Coastal. LA has millions of homeless people everywhere. In cars, in tents. Under bridges. Everywhere. And I love LA! I really do. But it's fake. Everything is fake. New York is real as fuck. Yeaaah. Almost too real. But I like it. You don't have to fuckin fake shit. People don't say “excuse me—“ No. You're never forced to say “good morning “ before you had your coffee! Yuh! New York is doing it right. People sleep on the train— But nobody lives on that motherfucker! I was in New York like a week before the shock wore off that there were not hundreds of individuals on every train wreaking of piss and smoking crack openly—YES—illicit drug use on trains in LA is extremely casual. Everything in LA is casual. People wear pajamas to work. Yeah—that. Everyone in New York looks like they're going to eat at a five-star restaurant. Like all the time. No socks-with-slides. EW. I swore to God socks with slides was a sign of the apocalypse; I get to New York, none of that—but the cringy thing in New York is Crocs With Socs. Now mmmm we're bi-coastal. Socks-with-slides; Crocs-with-socks. Knock that shit off. TACKY. other than that, though… NY is cool. It's chic. It's fun. You gotta be careful though. You gotta watch out. I thought LA drivers were crazy. New York drivers are fucking psychotic. Pedestrians don't have the right of way. At all. If you're in a crosswalk in LA even if the light is red, people will stop and let you go. In New York you better wait for the fuckin walk sign. They will kill you. It's okay. 6 millions ways to die: choose one! Just kidding. That's some west coast shit. But I did see a whole ass mural of Snoop Dogg in Brooklyn and get slightly confused— Till I realized everything on it was the color blue, and I was deadass in the middle of Brooklyn going “What? Ohhhhh! Wait! The Crips!” “Those guys are everywhere!” Lol. Its a nation wide disorganization. Lol. Whatever. I like New York. Doing my best not to love it, So the universe doesn't balance me out by showing me what to hate about it So far, so good New York drivers don't play. I never seen a school bus drift before! DAMN. Almost got hit by a short bus. Oh, the irony. I saw a dude do a whole ass wheelie on an electric scooter. Not a moped, by the way. An electric scooter. Yup. New Yoooooork. BEDFORD AVENUE, BROOKLYN, NY. THE BAMPHERAMPHS have initiated SEQUENCE C I like New York. I gotta say. It IS like LA In the way that I know I can't live in New York if I'm not just filthy fucking rich. Cause, you know—there's still homelessness; But unlike in LA, where you just wander around, smelling like piss, begging for change— You freeze to death. A quick solution! Haha! (It's not funny.) but whatever. America. I thought I was leaving; I got trapped in the matrix. I was like “Fuck this place.” They're like: “stay! We need slaves!” I'm like FUCK. So I got stuck in New York. Ugh. At least it's a “free state” I made it north, ma! Not exactly the safest place to get stuck with no money, either, is it? Really nowhere is safe with no money. I mean, I know of some places south of the border you can live, basically free and just, you know—sleep in a hammock, sing for change and shit. Roam the beach. I know people that do that— it's just- I like showers. I don't love showers. Cause then, I'm sure God would find a way to take that away, too. I don't love anything anymore. Once you love something—it either goes away, or it burns you. Or both. Can't love things. Can't love people. No more love. Just—appreciate—things. Just—like—things, you know? Don't love anything. Speaking of suicidal tendencies. Hahah. You know what else is cool about New York? The trains actually come into the station fast enough to kill you. Like—you've had enough? Okay: here it is. Just to save you a trip to the Empire State Building. This train is coming in at 304 miles an hour and is somehow gonna stop in 3 seconds. —maybe 2 seconds, if you do jump— Better think fast! They almost come too fast, for suicide. Ready, set— Dammit. Missed it again. They're so fast. The trains in LA stopped going suicide-fast like, a couple years ago—maybe, just before the pandemic—I think. They're like “You know what! This is happening too often. I am ALWAYS late to my other two jobs ‘cause someone killed themselves on my train! Fuck!” LA's like: “Well fuck this, all the slaves are killing themselves on the trains.” “Damn, that sucks” LA's like “Yeah, okay so: here's what we do; we'll put up signs for a suicide hotline at the popular jumping points” “LA's like: okay” “And—we'll tell the train operators they gotta slow down coming into the station—“ “That'll do it!” “—that way, If they still do decide to jump, they'll just get paralyzed, and contribute to the opioid crisis: more funding for big pharma!” “Yes, it's genius!” “—unless they're black, or on Medicaid, then: we'll send em home with some ibuprofen and make sure they collect disability, so that they can become addicted to crack, or something like that —you know.” “Yes. That's perfect.” Good Job LA. I get lost in New York. I'll be on New York like “YO, WHERE THE FUCK AM I AT?” “In New York” GODDAMMIT. You know what else is weird about New York? Personal space is not a thing. I mean, “space” is not a thing at all, anyway. But “Personal space”? No. People will not only sit by you; The'll siT ON you. Yo. I had just got to New York— I had all my luggage with me— And this lady gets on the train; She's got a broom. Idk what for, but okay; She gets onto the train, She looks around, and I guess she decides she wants the seat next to me. So like I said, I have all my stuff l so I'm a little spread out, but there's room— But you know what she does? She looks me straight in the eye And then just hits me with her broom. I was like —-?!? I'm thinking, “Okay is she racist or is that just a New York thing?” Like, “you can just hit people with shit!? damn!” What's funny is, I kinda respected her for that. She was old. Didn't say a word, just “bam” Like—- ‘move!' I'm like “okay!” New York is so classy. Girls wear panty hose, and stockings. I'm like “wow, that's actually nice. That's so wholesome! Tights?! Yeah!” It's so classy. I don't think girls in LA even wear regular panties. Let alone panty hose. Get it—panty—Hoes. I see correlation. You know what else is cool about New York. It's less racist. I mean- There's so much diversity, there's almost no room to be racist. It's crazy. So many people. So many colors. So much culture. So many languages! I hear languages I can't even place. I thought I was good. I'm in LA, I'm like, “Okay, that's Chinese—“ “That's Japanese” “That's Korean” “Farsi” I get to New York— I'm in the Delicstessen. Thats another thing. Nothing like a real, New York delicatessen. That's what “deli” is short for, by the way, everyone not from New York. It's “delicatessen” Lol. Anyway. I'm standing in the Deli and I hear some shit that—I'm not gonna lie— was actually quite alarming, as a native English speaker. I'm standing there, and this guy behind me literally over my shoulder says, “Blooppnsmabhoan ammaoakb amansbaiL aannaoka snkaoakmnlblblblnlnl!!!!” I'm like what the FUCK. This isn't REAL. “Blblblana. Akakma alak Akakamaamna!” I'm shoooook. What IS that!!? I like New York. The girls aren't all evil soulless heart eating demons. They're just “regular” I have to run back to LA and tell all my guy friends, they're like “Women are evil” I'm like— “Nooo, that's just out here.” Maybe. I don't know. I like New York. I bet it's wonderful when it's warm. I don't know! Maybe that's when shit hits the fan! Maybe it's like Chicago. EVERYBODY DIES IN THE SUMMER— Who said that. Chance the Rapper, I think. I don't know. LEGENDS: FAMESCHOOL This move is called: The “Slap-Dicksuck.” [carefully taking notes] “slap-dick-suck”…okay… hmm.. Now, class. [raises hand curiously] Yes? Um. SUPACREE— —PROFESSOR SUPACREE. Um. Professor SUPACREE— Yes! Why is it called the “Slap-Dicksuck” I was about to explain that. //SLAP-DICKSUCK// NEXT: we learn THE “SLAP-DICKSUCK-SLAP” Let me guess. No, no guessing. This class is gross. I like it. Yeah, you're gross. The world is gross. Get over it. GET OVER IT, DILLON FRANCIS. *sniffes* Please, stop crying. She— *sniffles* It's okay, Dillon. She took my piñata! Your piñata set your house on fire. He sets—everything on fire— Have you ever stopped to think— —no— thinking is bad. Go get dressed. No, not today. You look like a bloated chicken nugget. —I used to like chicken nuggets. hey, Tofu daddy. This is sick. This is a sick bitch we're dealing with. I'm not dealing with anything, I quit. Quit, you can't quit. I just did. DEADMAU5 Okay, no more bodies. Ū Okay. No more bodies. DEADMAU5 Really? Ū —No. DEADMAU5 Goddammit, this is not a GAME. Ū It is a game, though—and I'm a damn good marksman. DEADMAU5 Dammit, you're right. Ū I'm always right. Come, take my hand— (I took off my ring) Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing Come, take my hand Let's sit on this swing Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing? I powered on my phone to find the digital clock exactly at 1:15, which had seemed to be creeping up again as a recurring theme, along with some other unsettling figurines—if it was a race against time, I was losing—and If, perhaps, a Holy War, I must have been some sort of Holy, as it had seemed the world's good graces had turned her back on me, and that faith dwindled more quickly in the cold than any other condition. Lay your head on my shoulder, Your cheek on my cheek, Wrap your arm round my waist, You can think what I think You can skate on thin ice You can sing what I sing And when the ice breaks; You can sink when I sink Come, take my hand— (I took off my ring) Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing Come, take my hand Let's sit on this swing Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing? It had been strange waves of everything—more than I was ready for and much more than intentionally took on, all things considered. I burned my tongue on piping hot oatmeal, trying to eat rather than write, as it seemed the time had come that I could no longer skip meals and properly function. Nearing thirty like a bullet—and at least metaphorically bleeding as if I had actually been shot, my heart and soul throbbing and gushing into a paralyzing twist or fears and woes, trapped in a foreign city with almost nothing to my name, lugging around my music equipment and very few belongings, which—when put away neatly even in the smallest room— seemed like almost nothing, but was certainly too much to carry around, especially alone. And I was, so very alone. Drake Bell and the Hollywood Spell My newest and strangest muse yet had again insisted on appearing into my dream world, for the third time, anyway—which seemed a cruel and almost disturbing subconscious attempt to conjur up what might have been the entirety of my energy to complete the 6th Season of Enter The Multiverse, at this point which had even interested me, reinvigorating my senses and at least partially restoring my faith in something, even if it was just Hollywood being Hollywood. But now, even miles away from Hollywoodland, and stranded far, far away with no conceivable way to find my way back, even if I did have a home there waiting for me—and there wasn't—there didn't seem to be a home anywhere for me at all, and with my money running well towards dry I had spent most the week dry heaving into panic attacks about where I would go, or what I would do/—especially dragging around all of my luggage and equipment, and while it was true my equipment could have easily found it's way into a pawn shop, to at least offset the impending homelessness by maybe a couple days, and a couple hundred dollars—it didn't seem quite worth it to sell my dream again, especially for the miserable existence of sharing a hostel room with whoever decided to snore or cough their way into my hellish realm of corporate slavery, lovelessness, and lack of privacy. Yes, my conciousness had summoned up this man into my dreamworld now three times, and for whatever reason, if there was one — I could consider it a charm. Had I not been working at the smokeshop what now seemed like ages ago, I might have forgotten entirely that such a person had ever existed—which I had, since the experience, for the record, at least tried to—but for some reason, disasterously couldnt; it had all awakened something serious and spiritual within my outer world, piquing my ultra conscious into a rare and bewildering curiosity that had done well to slay and murder the cat in all of its nine lives, and then some. It wasn't entirely on purpose, or without guilt that my mind seemed to inquisitively structure an entire hidden world and to form a strange and illicit bond with this fragile man creature, not that my social status or overwhelmingly average, unattractive, stranded and abandoned wastebasket of a demon, or diety whatever I was in whatever kind of light, would have much at all to do but suffer the result of having missed the bar by far, stumbling into the lower realms of the world by mere circumstance, on occasion, without notice. I was certainly thinking about it too much, and hating myself for it, a certain spark or inspiration for the Timmy Turner timelines met with the sudden flash of what may have even been a lost memory of not for all this Hollywood trauma, or dogma, whichever made sense—because none of it did, at all, besides to reverse what time had done by allowing me to forget my turbulent childhood, which couldn't matter anymore in this moment as it ever had; and though I was producing a fruitful workout at Equinox, squatting deeply into the Smith Machine and breathing deeply into my lower back, where the tension from the weight of my leftover skin met the pain in the whole of my torso, an apparent rush sent a splash of slobber out of the side of my mouth, my third eye a gaping and burning hole streaking heat across the middle of my forehead—all of a sudden the high of Nitrous Oxide filled my mind, if only for a moment—flung back into a memory nearly two decades old. “That's it.” I remembered thinking. “No more of this.” I sat down the can of keyboard cleaner on the bathroom floor. I had scared myself straight, long before I even knew what I was doing—and I didn't know at all, having been nine, or maybe 10–long before I would ever *want* to get high, not understanding that or why I needed to, anyway—or that getting “high” was what I was doing at all. No, at the time, it simply ‘felt really good', until it didn't—the particular memory which struck me in the dead center of the Equinox floor—and snapping back into my body, shaking myself out of it and leaning into the bar to stretch, taking in a deep breath and choking back an ocean of tears. “Idiot.” I'm still lost in your eyes I'll be in love with you forever Dreams Wil Be Dreams. Since departing LA, all my dreams had been strange, and I found myself growing more distant from myself, or from anything real at all, my dreams skewing into a horrid soundscape of rampant memories and false hopes of love. Finally able to seek refuge in meditation, I had been bombarded with images of Dillon Francis balancing some pretty little white girl in his lap—and though I couldn't quite unhinge the Amethyst from my possession, I had been giving it the distance I needed for something like peace of mind, without the actual peace itself at play. There had been quite the spell to break, and though it hadn't even been moderately broken—I at least knew now what magic I was dealing with. Dillon Hart Francis was a powerful magician—perhaps too powerful, and with that I took my strides into gatekeeping at the very least, since no peace could be made. I could love with a wholesome heart, but a tarnished mind and a gated soul would simply not outlast the infinite journey. Though I had been illicitly carfeful not to look him in the eye last we did meet, there was a remarkable force in place far beyond control—or at least my control— which kept such power from being apprehended; I had done my best to let go, knowing it was indeed a spell at play, and rather than a curse no need to worry or fear it's users intentions. Magic was a give-and-take, and so much had been at this point taken from me that the bruises of jealousy for whatever it was being waved about my psyche as ‘better than' could do no more than to rip the rest of my heart from its crevice as I pondered on what I might have done right, or might have done wrong—if there were such things. ‘White girls get all the love.' It was only true in my heart and my mind, and so it must have sat in my soul a certain way. I had never intended really to fall into what I had fallen into with Dillon Francis—not that it couldn't or wouldn't be undone, eventually, as I was inraveling myself into an unremarkable, unastonishing whisp — a fracture in time to do much less than even be though of, or forgotten. I'm still lost in your eyes I'll be in love with you forever A piece of my rock had shattered on the floor of the shower at Equinox—the only stone I kept for myself, and often forgotten about, as I did myself, not that i mattered much. It shattered unevenly into three pieces, one of which I left in the sauna, quickly before departing—and the other which I had dropped in Times Square, begrudgingly under the LCD American flag by which I felt betrayed: How could our nation not only allow, but create homelessness as a scare tactic to keep the working poor working as slaves, to saciate the wealthy's wants and needs? “Whatever.” I'm not going to hurt you, You can't hurt me anymore than I can hurt myself. I'm glad you know that. I don't know anything. Suicide fucking sucks. I know that. It might be time for me to go But I just want to let you know I still got love for you; And there's still hope; I left the door open I gotta go, you know, It's hopeless for some At the end of my rope —and it's a long way home, But it's home at the end It's home at the end of a long, lond road I took the wrong one, But at least now I know you I'll go on It seems that I still have a soul, somewhere I walked in on thin air, And now I'm here; I don't know where I'm still lost in your eyes I'll be in love with you forever LEGENDS EDDIE MURPHY opens the heavy Victorian style door, after three solid knocks from under the GLOVED HAND which lifts the golden-brass door knocker. To what do I owe the pleasure? WHOOPI GOLDBERG Business, not pleasure. -_- Well, which business. All of ‘em. [She gestures to pass through the doorway.] Please, come in. Coffee, or Tea? Coffee this late? [beat] Coffee. This is serious. You look serious. I've been—confined. Drake Bell, you son of a bitch. Oh, so you do know my name. I know all your names. So it is. So I am. — How'd you get in this? I've always been in this. What is “always”? How did you get in this? I am this. What a philosophy. Call it what you want. What if I don't. Then don't. See you on the other side. Someone once told me, the grass is much greener— on the other side. —and when I paid a visit, (It's possible I missed it) Seemed different, yet exactly the same. DILLON FRANCIS I didn't want it to end this way. I didn't want it to end. Well, it did. You let it. I had to. Just let go. No, I can't. Hah! What's so funny? You're fucking impossible. Nothing is “impossible” you said that. But you “can't” Let this go? Ah-hah. No. This here will keep slowly unwinding until there's no more. —and then what? There's no more. Damn. This is foul. Hm. Take a time out, Timmy. I'm a take a t-t-taxi I pay my t-t-taxes The actor and the actress. Oh, He's Big Hollywood; Doesn't Have a Job, But the work's real good – His lines are smooth and his days are long, Gotta make it right, For a whole lot of wrongs He's Big-Big Hollywood Doesn't have a job; But the work's real good Coming in hot, Like he's fresh out the box That's a real big nugget, With a whole lot of sauce. Stop. What. What is this. It's a song. This is awful. FUCK IT. I DON'T CARE. Damn, Oreos AND Ben & Jerry's?! IT'S DAIRY-FREE. Tf kind o f Oreos is that. They're GLuten FrEe. FUCK IT. Sunni, get a hold of yourself. YOU GET A HOLD OF YOUR SELF. Stop yelling from across the room. I'LL YELL WHERE I WANT. Fuck this job. FUCK YOU MARIANNE. AGGHH. AGGHHHHHHHHH. Fuck What. What's up. I need a smoke break. I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEART OUT. YOU DOn'T HAVE A HEART. SHUT UP, DILLON FRANCIS. GOd. WHO INVITED HIM, ANYWAY. I didn't. NOBODY INVITED HIM. The inspiration to music hit at just the right and the wrong time—I had finally found my way to the butt machine, only after visiting every other floor and guessing incorrectly—only to make it to the machine in just enough time to realize that I was for some reason exhausted—perhaps having just blown my last fuse, realizing I was literally down to my last, few pennies— and, unknowing of how to escape the hole I had dug myself into, falling into a carful and unsecured ‘lust' with New York, surely never to fall in love with another city as I had LA, learning my lessons well, and knowing all too well that nowhere and no one like me was safe from homelessness in the US—now having proven itself to be a hostile entity, in a full police state. It didn't seem to matter, though, as I had narrowly missed my escape nearly on purpose, but not— it seemed something entirely outward was keeping me at bay and in the US, not that I had wanted to leave out of fear for my life as much as I wanted adventure and exploration—but either way was going nowhere at all fast, and running out or money even faster. “Fuck, I hate my life” I had probably over caffeinated, at least half the reason I couldn't budge to top speed, even blasting bangarang into my eardrums at nearly top volume—this day, it only emotionally weakened me, having demoted myself entirely from any sort of elite status, back into the realm of obsessive fandom, and perhaps even schizophrenia, per Dane Cook's shenanigans. Yeah, I'm tired and I need to take like ten shits. Just finish then. If I leave early I have to come back early. Well, go, then. Muscle fatigue, check Dehydration, check Psyche completely shattered Check. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.

Just laugh. Just laugh at the loser #Narcissists #Stalking #Stalkers #ShesSad #FemaleStalkers #BPD #NPD #threats bring it on Hahah! She keeps changing her twitter pic to try convince us she's on holiday at my house on crete?! Erm. Draw some "R"s on those pics yah dafty. Instead of using online ones and other people's. What a total loser.

DER ER PODCAST! DER ER PODCAST!Maria Nyborg og jeg tager i denne omgang fat i en masse dansk reality. Der er virkelig gang i meget for tiden. Alene i Vildmarken har gang i en mesterlig sæson. Men her kommer lige en trigger warning, vi taler også om det brev eller nekrolog eller hvad det var Anna-Carolina skrev. Jesper bliver genfødt og Rasmus er en viking. Det er en genial sæson. Maria vil have at denne sæson af Først til Verdens Ende aldrig slutter. Jeg ved det ikke.. For lige om lidt ryger et af mine yndlingshold. Fboy Island har mistet pusten, måske fordi tilrettelæggeren er blevet forelsket i en af deltagerne. Hahah. Som om der kun er en tilrettelægger med. Jonas fra Vild med Kærlighed har vist sig at være den ultimative skurk. Og ham taler vi om. Men vi taler også om alle de andre der er med. Selvom denne sæson 2 primært handler om Jonas. Og for Marlene også meget om den personlighedstest NEO-PI-3, som produktionen siger, de har brugt til at matche parrene. Jonas og Ida Emilie? For real? Det var det, den super professionelle test sagde til dem? Jaget Vildt er tilbage og det er Pitzner søstrene også. Lige som jeg gik og troede, jeg var lidt mæt på dem, så er de bare skønne og virkelig heldige. De andre par er måske ikke lige mig - og Maria gider vist ikke se de sidste afsnit. Hvis du har ondt i livet, og har brug for nogen at tale med, så kan du kontakte Livsliniens telefonrådgivning, 70 201 201 alle årets dage fra kl. 11-05.Tusinde tak for stadig at lytte med. Du ved, vi elsker dig. Og tak til Maria for at være medværten igen. Jeg elsker at tale reality med dig. TIDSKODER (og husk det er cirka tider):08:00 - Alene i Vildmarken S8, DR19:00 - Først til Verdens Ende S4, TV236:00 - Fboy Island S1, Discovery+/HBOMAX50:00 - Vild Kærlighed S2, TV201:16:00 - Jaget Vildt S4, Discovery+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

THE LEGEND OF SUPACREE LEGENDS GERALD'S WORLD OWSLA CONFIDENTIAL: THE INFINITE SKRILLIFILES ENTER THE MULTIVERSE DEATHWISH ASCENSION THE SECRET LIFE OF SUNNÏ BLŪ SCARY MONSTERS & SUPACREE THE INSOMNIAC &MORE FROM [The Festival Project.™] SEASON 6 ACT III Part I MONTAGE: Clique, Cruel Summer Kanye West, JAY-Z & Big Sean EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES. BROAD ASS DAYLIGHT SUPACREE has unlocked 100% Of her ABILITIES GOD MODE UNLOCKED SUPACREE EXITS EQUINOX FITNESS CLUB AT LIGHTSPEED, Hitting the pavement with swift force, splitting into three dimensional selves; SUNNI BLŪ to her left and A MYSTERIOUS, unknown ALTER EGO to her right, she shifts quickly to the beat of the music, morphing into and out of parallels of the outer world, opening and closing portals, and encapsulating anything and everything within her force field—which happens to be the whole of GREATER LOS ANGELES. Damn. If I put my heart inside a box; Maybe I'd forget how cold it was Or how far you are Or how much it hurts There's no harm in God, If there ever was one Then, reality sets in: God was my only friend No armor on, I'm at the end Of a long, long walk I'm off again And on again Nothing's impossible— stop at the alter and scoff a bit I left my coat on, I left my heart on the rooftop, A sacrifice, love At the alter, I wonder a song, Or a sonnet A song, No, what's wrong? Something's off a bit God, I woke up in a coffin once Isn't that awful? The rest or the song wrote itself, At the alter No, I can't stop and talk Got to get off, Cause I've never been on I've never belonged in the world What have we done? This is bad, brother. That's a construct. Everything's a construct! Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of—you know what? I do know. You think you're fuckin' clever. I am clever. You're a sick man. That's my business. Yeah, well—you made it my business. I am you. What a concept. *construct. God, help you! [sideways evil smirk] Hehe. SPAM! ON TACOS! BUTTERS Oh—Jesus! WHO PUTS SPAM ON TACOS?! A smart man. C'mon, Butters. We gotta get lost in the sauce before we try this out. I'MMA TRY IT OUT. OK. GOD, OH, GOD, PLEASE— MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN— (WhT.) JUST— DON'T LET IT BE SKRILL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Fuxk. What. She took the train. Which fucking train. I don't know. The train. THE A TRAIN, or the B TRAIN?! HEY. WHAT, you motherfucking idiot? I THINK I LOVE YOU. Well, stop thinking. Ok. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER has been kidnapped— He's like 50 years old. He's been dad-napped. —by the MOB. The MOB?! He's into some dark shit. Wait, he is?! In this series. He has been tied to a chair, which sits under a single spotlight in a shabby, dark room in NEW JERSEY. Ew, New Jersey. JIMMY THE MOBSTER Hi, Jimmy— JIMMY FALLON —uh—hello. JIMMY THE MOBSTER I'm Jimmy. JIMMY FALLON Oh, that's ironic. [beat] JIMMY THE MOBSTER I'm gonna kill you, Jimmy. GOD If I give you a serious role, how are you gonna handle it? JIMMY FALLON like a pro. GOD don't lie to me, Jimmy. JIMMY FALLON What?! I'm not! My body, heart, mind, and soul was being attacked— I had 15 minutes to vacate the property and couldn't even focus—I had to use the bathroom so badly it hurt my soul. I was pacing back and forth, choking back ugly tears—the rude man in the room across the way still occupying the bathroom which I needed, both to clean and relieve myself—but it had been hell, after all, and needs like these had been proven to be in short supply. Fuck. This is a gun to your head. Just do it. [he moves the pistol into her mouth] Now it's in your mouth. [she unhinges her jaw to open it wider, never breaking eye contact and relaxes; he studies his hand on the grip of the tripper, ready to lill] You'll die today. [A comfort; as she relaxes, he as well changes—this seems to take the fun of killing away from him, he exacts the gun from her mouth] CONT'D You like that? I love it— You're dead, bitch! Yes, I am! A penniless whore. Whores get paid— Then, even less— What's less than this? A dead bitch. Think again. I don't think, I just shoot; Sounds like a man. Oh, I am. Then kill me with your hands. Jesus Christ, man. He can't help. No one can help you. So just shoot. [he can't] SUNNI. )&2&;@2@2$ YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL. SUCK MY DICK. AGHHJJJ. Well. TMZ is here. This is a disaster. NEXT, WE LEARN: THE Oh my God. WhT. This is probably the worst thing I've ever written. Not the worst. Nope: it is the worst. Maybe it's just bad on paper. It's bad no matter how you — CONTROL, JANET PRIVACY. Here. Wtf is this. LEGENDS: FAME SCHOOL Christopher Walken was one of my professors in fame school For acting? For music. For music? That doesn't make any sense. Please, don't make me explain this. A FACE BATTLE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN vs. SUPACREE -_- —__^ *_- ^__ __/ *_* >< … —-__—- Ok. Alright. Show me what you got. SUPACREE plays a beat. You know where this is going. We all know where this is going. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN that was OK. “OK”?! Yeah. *shrugs* OK. You know what— You know what it needs? …what's it need? —-more cowbell. I beg your pardon. Please, don't beg. It was perfect. It was OK. You're not OK. —maybe I'm not. You're definitely not. —know what helps? Don't tell me: More fucking cowbell. Lol. ⅔ ain't bad. Wait, two out or three?! Which one didn't I— —FUCK. What, what happened? They're onto me. THE BAMPHERAMPS, MOTHERFUCKING BAMPHERAMPHS, and THE ASCENDED MASTERY has assembled in NEW YORK CITY to stage a coup. It's a coup d'état. There sure is a lot of French shit over here. Well yeah, it's Paris. Wait. What, what now? If SUPACREE is in Paris. NIGGAZ. Right—then— Who the fuck are they chasing in New York. [just waking up] Why am I in New York? WHOOPI GOLDBERG you got anyplace else to be? …no. MEANWHILE, IN ROME. Fanculo! Really, dude. Apparently. A tear in my head; A rip in my soul, And the fabric of— Coming undone at the whole; I make sense of it all at the alter, The fall; To have fought in the war, And then lost, or to suffer at all Love was lost, I was never a martyr— Blood on the cross, And the crossroads, The frost and the stardust, “There's no God” For the honorable, Stuck in New York, But defrosting my toes, At the forefront I haven't once wondered or thought Of the love that I was, Since I stopped throwing rocks at the church Or got off on the wrong stop; What a puzzle, To jump off, Or rot in the heart of The hub— World of wonders, A mother of suns, Never wanted a daughter so much Unpunishment, Loved was the Duchess; To carry a crutch or a cross— So unbothered, untouched, So heartless and dark, For the marksman—a spark Or the dog does not bark At the horses You're in the clear, hero. Heartless, she was! Now, now—settle down. This is an absolute outrage. Is it, now? I say so! Maybe you shouldn't. Faro, a word, I've got three. I'll go first. [a smug look] What's happened here? A ressurection, sir. Care to explain? I said ‘three.' Where's the King? My palms grew numb as my throbbing heartache welled up into the back of my throat and sat perched up against my growling stomach, stuffed with beans and rice, perhaps to fill the sadness or satiate my need for protein, either one. ASCENSION If you're going to vomit, step away from me. —I'm not sick. Actually, step out of my house. This is your house? —I live here. —no one lives here. What did you think it was? an elaborate cave. It is—an elaborwte cave— —excuse my ignorance. You're excused entirely. —I appreciate that. I meant, from here. You should go. Faro, wait. No more waiting; you were uninvited. Trust me—this visitation is more necessary than voluntary. That's—a lot of words. I don't speak caveman. Just—get out. Listen: No more listening— It's about C'esme't. It always is. This is important. It always is. It concerns you. It always does. —? Wait. [a heavy sigh] [a long silence] Come with me. FARO leads GÍAN towards the back of his quarters. Close the door. I— what? Nevermind. You're useless. Ehrm—excuse me. Excused, your majesty. FARO opens a SECRET PASSAGEWAY into a FUTURISTIC CORIDOR, leading GÍAN into a vast FORTRESS. balls. Uh. My stomach in knots And my life is in ruins Constellations all gone, And my heart, on the border of hurt— And mistrust So unlovable, loveless— Promises, scars and the art was devoured Ah— she was awful; Ah—she must have lost her mind God, she was homeless, And loveless, And wild eyed All that I wanted, Was to get lost in the lobby, Before the whole ball dropped —and watch the false phropet Collide wirh the comet Stop: I lost God at the crosswalk, The punishment was Homeless Now watch this: This is what I wanted: Doesn't really matter now, Does it? Oh, doesn't it. God, this is Lucifer. Son, it's an honor. No God for a mother, who walks on her own. Now it's over or under. It's over. It never got started. I locked up my heart with the piñata. How irrelevant. How awkward. How curse words turn to mantras. How I have half a heart Or, like ⅓ We're being honest, now. I thought Illuminati wanted hotties and Caucasians. Well, I guess that'll explain, Why you've been stuck inside a cage, then. NICK CAGE is an extremely skilled time traveler. Ok. WHOOPI GOLDBERG has freed herself from the cage in which SUPACREE had skillfully trapped the OWL OF THE GOLDEN EYE. WhT a prophecy. MEANWHILE, AT HOGWARTS. HOGWARTS, 2023. ANANDAR is HEADMASTER. Ah, fuck. I'm gonna puke. All I wanted was to shamelessly watch the man's balls swing like a pendulum... Well, here's this instead. Oh no, it's Skrillex. Now you have to— —now I have to watch this. Why. Cause I've already seen that. I hate you. I hate you. SOLD, to the lady in red. Damn. Slavery is cool. Yeah, I guess. FUCK. What. Idk. BITCH. GET OUT THE BASEMENT; I'm in the attick What you think this is? Lights, camera, action: Now that attractions been well established I should get back to it, I'm in the attic Lighting up matches, Fixin my holes up with patches Callin it classic Call me an asshole, I can't be mad man, I am a mad man, I bring the mask back To Handle a trash can Get out the basement. I told you he could dance. A GIANT DRAGON Oh shit, here it comes. FIRE. DILLON FRANCIS I Well. We're gonna die. DILLON FRANCIS II If she throws up, I get a pickle. DILLON FRANCIS III That's a deal. DILLON FRANCIS II And if she cries, I get a French poodle named Angelina Jolie. DILLON FRANCIS III Righteous. DILLON FRANCIS II Yur damn right. A GIANT DRAGON FLIES OVERHEAD, SWEEPING THE SKIES WITH FIRE AND LIGHTNING. DILLON FRANCIS I (CONT'D) Yeah, we're definitely fucked. Why are you dressed like Froto. FROTO (in background, dressed exactly alike) That is offensive! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. It's the end of the world! (At least as we know it) IS THAT SKRILLEX? FIRE BREATHING DRAGON. Well, it was. What the fuck HAPPENED?! Is that its final form? Yes it is. I'll give you one million dollars. That's not enough. This card is priceless. What is this. Like a Pokémon game?! This whoops Pokémon's ass. This is LEGENDS. LIL' BIIIITZ Yo! New York is CRAZY First of all, how is it all of a sudden CLEANER THAN LA?! New York's like: here —we sent all the nasty people to LA. All better. Polarity shift! LA is gross now! New York cleaned up! The trains are nice —shit— All the trash is in BAGS. I was like “Whaaaaaaat” this is nice. What the fuck. This shit different! Unh. they exported all the nasty, crazy motherfuxkers to LA. On GOD. Cause every other psychologically twisted individual I talk to in LA is like: “I'M FROM NEW YORK” *hawks loogie, spits* Uhhhhh… I was going on a little European adventure; New York's like: “You know, you never stay long…” I'm like “There's a reason for that…welp, gotta go.” The whole universe fucked around and was like— “You know what? We like you here. Stay. “ What. “STAY.” Fuck. New York is different. Won't say I love it — But goddamn, I like it! People are rude. People are rude as fuck. I'm used to LA where people are fake nice For fuckin tips and shit, you know? Everybody's trying to get famous for something, Or something. Idk. Fake as fuck. Fake nice. Fake happy. Fake titties. Fake lips. Just fucking fake. fake everything. Everything is plastic. —and it's not tied up in garbage bags, either. It's just plastic, and trash, and piss everywhere. It's so gross. You see Venice Beach on the movies: It's all clean and beautiful, and picturesque. You get there, it's like Skid Row + Skid Row Coastal. LA has millions of homeless people everywhere. In cars, in tents. Under bridges. Everywhere. And I love LA! I really do. But it's fake. Everything is fake. New York is real as fuck. Yeaaah. Almost too real. But I like it. You don't have to fuckin fake shit. People don't say “excuse me—“ No. You're never forced to say “good morning “ before you had your coffee! Yuh! New York is doing it right. People sleep on the train— But nobody lives on that motherfucker! I was in New York like a week before the shock wore off that there were not hundreds of individuals on every train wreaking of piss and smoking crack openly—YES—illicit drug use on trains in LA is extremely casual. Everything in LA is casual. People wear pajamas to work. Yeah—that. Everyone in New York looks like they're going to eat at a five-star restaurant. Like all the time. No socks-with-slides. EW. I swore to God socks with slides was a sign of the apocalypse; I get to New York, none of that—but the cringy thing in New York is Crocs With Socs. Now mmmm we're bi-coastal. Socks-with-slides; Crocs-with-socks. Knock that shit off. TACKY. other than that, though… NY is cool. It's chic. It's fun. You gotta be careful though. You gotta watch out. I thought LA drivers were crazy. New York drivers are fucking psychotic. Pedestrians don't have the right of way. At all. If you're in a crosswalk in LA even if the light is red, people will stop and let you go. In New York you better wait for the fuckin walk sign. They will kill you. It's okay. 6 millions ways to die: choose one! Just kidding. That's some west coast shit. But I did see a whole ass mural of Snoop Dogg in Brooklyn and get slightly confused— Till I realized everything on it was the color blue, and I was deadass in the middle of Brooklyn going “What? Ohhhhh! Wait! The Crips!” “Those guys are everywhere!” Lol. Its a nation wide disorganization. Lol. Whatever. I like New York. Doing my best not to love it, So the universe doesn't balance me out by showing me what to hate about it So far, so good New York drivers don't play. I never seen a school bus drift before! DAMN. Almost got hit by a short bus. Oh, the irony. I saw a dude do a whole ass wheelie on an electric scooter. Not a moped, by the way. An electric scooter. Yup. New Yoooooork. BEDFORD AVENUE, BROOKLYN, NY. THE BAMPHERAMPHS have initiated SEQUENCE C I like New York. I gotta say. It IS like LA In the way that I know I can't live in New York if I'm not just filthy fucking rich. Cause, you know—there's still homelessness; But unlike in LA, where you just wander around, smelling like piss, begging for change— You freeze to death. A quick solution! Haha! (It's not funny.) but whatever. America. I thought I was leaving; I got trapped in the matrix. I was like “Fuck this place.” They're like: “stay! We need slaves!” I'm like FUCK. So I got stuck in New York. Ugh. At least it's a “free state” I made it north, ma! Not exactly the safest place to get stuck with no money, either, is it? Really nowhere is safe with no money. I mean, I know of some places south of the border you can live, basically free and just, you know—sleep in a hammock, sing for change and shit. Roam the beach. I know people that do that— it's just- I like showers. I don't love showers. Cause then, I'm sure God would find a way to take that away, too. I don't love anything anymore. Once you love something—it either goes away, or it burns you. Or both. Can't love things. Can't love people. No more love. Just—appreciate—things. Just—like—things, you know? Don't love anything. Speaking of suicidal tendencies. Hahah. You know what else is cool about New York? The trains actually come into the station fast enough to kill you. Like—you've had enough? Okay: here it is. Just to save you a trip to the Empire State Building. This train is coming in at 304 miles an hour and is somehow gonna stop in 3 seconds. —maybe 2 seconds, if you do jump— Better think fast! They almost come too fast, for suicide. Ready, set— Dammit. Missed it again. They're so fast. The trains in LA stopped going suicide-fast like, a couple years ago—maybe, just before the pandemic—I think. They're like “You know what! This is happening too often. I am ALWAYS late to my other two jobs ‘cause someone killed themselves on my train! Fuck!” LA's like: “Well fuck this, all the slaves are killing themselves on the trains.” “Damn, that sucks” LA's like “Yeah, okay so: here's what we do; we'll put up signs for a suicide hotline at the popular jumping points” “LA's like: okay” “And—we'll tell the train operators they gotta slow down coming into the station—“ “That'll do it!” “—that way, If they still do decide to jump, they'll just get paralyzed, and contribute to the opioid crisis: more funding for big pharma!” “Yes, it's genius!” “—unless they're black, or on Medicaid, then: we'll send em home with some ibuprofen and make sure they collect disability, so that they can become addicted to crack, or something like that —you know.” “Yes. That's perfect.” Good Job LA. I get lost in New York. I'll be on New York like “YO, WHERE THE FUCK AM I AT?” “In New York” GODDAMMIT. You know what else is weird about New York? Personal space is not a thing. I mean, “space” is not a thing at all, anyway. But “Personal space”? No. People will not only sit by you; The'll siT ON you. Yo. I had just got to New York— I had all my luggage with me— And this lady gets on the train; She's got a broom. Idk what for, but okay; She gets onto the train, She looks around, and I guess she decides she wants the seat next to me. So like I said, I have all my stuff l so I'm a little spread out, but there's room— But you know what she does? She looks me straight in the eye And then just hits me with her broom. I was like —-?!? I'm thinking, “Okay is she racist or is that just a New York thing?” Like, “you can just hit people with shit!? damn!” What's funny is, I kinda respected her for that. She was old. Didn't say a word, just “bam” Like—- ‘move!' I'm like “okay!” New York is so classy. Girls wear panty hose, and stockings. I'm like “wow, that's actually nice. That's so wholesome! Tights?! Yeah!” It's so classy. I don't think girls in LA even wear regular panties. Let alone panty hose. Get it—panty—Hoes. I see correlation. You know what else is cool about New York. It's less racist. I mean- There's so much diversity, there's almost no room to be racist. It's crazy. So many people. So many colors. So much culture. So many languages! I hear languages I can't even place. I thought I was good. I'm in LA, I'm like, “Okay, that's Chinese—“ “That's Japanese” “That's Korean” “Farsi” I get to New York— I'm in the Delicstessen. Thats another thing. Nothing like a real, New York delicatessen. That's what “deli” is short for, by the way, everyone not from New York. It's “delicatessen” Lol. Anyway. I'm standing in the Deli and I hear some shit that—I'm not gonna lie— was actually quite alarming, as a native English speaker. I'm standing there, and this guy behind me literally over my shoulder says, “Blooppnsmabhoan ammaoakb amansbaiL aannaoka snkaoakmnlblblblnlnl!!!!” I'm like what the FUCK. This isn't REAL. “Blblblana. Akakma alak Akakamaamna!” I'm shoooook. What IS that!!? I like New York. The girls aren't all evil soulless heart eating demons. They're just “regular” I have to run back to LA and tell all my guy friends, they're like “Women are evil” I'm like— “Nooo, that's just out here.” Maybe. I don't know. I like New York. I bet it's wonderful when it's warm. I don't know! Maybe that's when shit hits the fan! Maybe it's like Chicago. EVERYBODY DIES IN THE SUMMER— Who said that. Chance the Rapper, I think. I don't know. LEGENDS: FAMESCHOOL This move is called: The “Slap-Dicksuck.” [carefully taking notes] “slap-dick-suck”…okay… hmm.. Now, class. [raises hand curiously] Yes? Um. SUPACREE— —PROFESSOR SUPACREE. Um. Professor SUPACREE— Yes! Why is it called the “Slap-Dicksuck” I was about to explain that. //SLAP-DICKSUCK// NEXT: we learn THE “SLAP-DICKSUCK-SLAP” Let me guess. No, no guessing. This class is gross. I like it. Yeah, you're gross. The world is gross. Get over it. GET OVER IT, DILLON FRANCIS. *sniffes* Please, stop crying. She— *sniffles* It's okay, Dillon. She took my piñata! Your piñata set your house on fire. He sets—everything on fire— Have you ever stopped to think— —no— thinking is bad. Go get dressed. No, not today. You look like a bloated chicken nugget. —I used to like chicken nuggets. hey, Tofu daddy. This is sick. This is a sick bitch we're dealing with. I'm not dealing with anything, I quit. Quit, you can't quit. I just did. DEADMAU5 Okay, no more bodies. Ū Okay. No more bodies. DEADMAU5 Really? Ū —No. DEADMAU5 Goddammit, this is not a GAME. Ū It is a game, though—and I'm a damn good marksman. DEADMAU5 Dammit, you're right. Ū I'm always right. Come, take my hand— (I took off my ring) Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing Come, take my hand Let's sit on this swing Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing? I powered on my phone to find the digital clock exactly at 1:15, which had seemed to be creeping up again as a recurring theme, along with some other unsettling figurines—if it was a race against time, I was losing—and If, perhaps, a Holy War, I must have been some sort of Holy, as it had seemed the world's good graces had turned her back on me, and that faith dwindled more quickly in the cold than any other condition. Lay your head on my shoulder, Your cheek on my cheek, Wrap your arm round my waist, You can think what I think You can skate on thin ice You can sing what I sing And when the ice breaks; You can sink when I sink Come, take my hand— (I took off my ring) Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing Come, take my hand Let's sit on this swing Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing? It had been strange waves of everything—more than I was ready for and much more than intentionally took on, all things considered. I burned my tongue on piping hot oatmeal, trying to eat rather than write, as it seemed the time had come that I could no longer skip meals and properly function. Nearing thirty like a bullet—and at least metaphorically bleeding as if I had actually been shot, my heart and soul throbbing and gushing into a paralyzing twist or fears and woes, trapped in a foreign city with almost nothing to my name, lugging around my music equipment and very few belongings, which—when put away neatly even in the smallest room— seemed like almost nothing, but was certainly too much to carry around, especially alone. And I was, so very alone. Drake Bell and the Hollywood Spell My newest and strangest muse yet had again insisted on appearing into my dream world, for the third time, anyway—which seemed a cruel and almost disturbing subconscious attempt to conjur up what might have been the entirety of my energy to complete the 6th Season of Enter The Multiverse, at this point which had even interested me, reinvigorating my senses and at least partially restoring my faith in something, even if it was just Hollywood being Hollywood. But now, even miles away from Hollywoodland, and stranded far, far away with no conceivable way to find my way back, even if I did have a home there waiting for me—and there wasn't—there didn't seem to be a home anywhere for me at all, and with my money running well towards dry I had spent most the week dry heaving into panic attacks about where I would go, or what I would do/—especially dragging around all of my luggage and equipment, and while it was true my equipment could have easily found it's way into a pawn shop, to at least offset the impending homelessness by maybe a couple days, and a couple hundred dollars—it didn't seem quite worth it to sell my dream again, especially for the miserable existence of sharing a hostel room with whoever decided to snore or cough their way into my hellish realm of corporate slavery, lovelessness, and lack of privacy. Yes, my conciousness had summoned up this man into my dreamworld now three times, and for whatever reason, if there was one — I could consider it a charm. Had I not been working at the smokeshop what now seemed like ages ago, I might have forgotten entirely that such a person had ever existed—which I had, since the experience, for the record, at least tried to—but for some reason, disasterously couldnt; it had all awakened something serious and spiritual within my outer world, piquing my ultra conscious into a rare and bewildering curiosity that had done well to slay and murder the cat in all of its nine lives, and then some. It wasn't entirely on purpose, or without guilt that my mind seemed to inquisitively structure an entire hidden world and to form a strange and illicit bond with this fragile man creature, not that my social status or overwhelmingly average, unattractive, stranded and abandoned wastebasket of a demon, or diety whatever I was in whatever kind of light, would have much at all to do but suffer the result of having missed the bar by far, stumbling into the lower realms of the world by mere circumstance, on occasion, without notice. I was certainly thinking about it too much, and hating myself for it, a certain spark or inspiration for the Timmy Turner timelines met with the sudden flash of what may have even been a lost memory of not for all this Hollywood trauma, or dogma, whichever made sense—because none of it did, at all, besides to reverse what time had done by allowing me to forget my turbulent childhood, which couldn't matter anymore in this moment as it ever had; and though I was producing a fruitful workout at Equinox, squatting deeply into the Smith Machine and breathing deeply into my lower back, where the tension from the weight of my leftover skin met the pain in the whole of my torso, an apparent rush sent a splash of slobber out of the side of my mouth, my third eye a gaping and burning hole streaking heat across the middle of my forehead—all of a sudden the high of Nitrous Oxide filled my mind, if only for a moment—flung back into a memory nearly two decades old. “That's it.” I remembered thinking. “No more of this.” I sat down the can of keyboard cleaner on the bathroom floor. I had scared myself straight, long before I even knew what I was doing—and I didn't know at all, having been nine, or maybe 10–long before I would ever *want* to get high, not understanding that or why I needed to, anyway—or that getting “high” was what I was doing at all. No, at the time, it simply ‘felt really good', until it didn't—the particular memory which struck me in the dead center of the Equinox floor—and snapping back into my body, shaking myself out of it and leaning into the bar to stretch, taking in a deep breath and choking back an ocean of tears. “Idiot.” I'm still lost in your eyes I'll be in love with you forever Dreams Wil Be Dreams. Since departing LA, all my dreams had been strange, and I found myself growing more distant from myself, or from anything real at all, my dreams skewing into a horrid soundscape of rampant memories and false hopes of love. Finally able to seek refuge in meditation, I had been bombarded with images of Dillon Francis balancing some pretty little white girl in his lap—and though I couldn't quite unhinge the Amethyst from my possession, I had been giving it the distance I needed for something like peace of mind, without the actual peace itself at play. There had been quite the spell to break, and though it hadn't even been moderately broken—I at least knew now what magic I was dealing with. Dillon Hart Francis was a powerful magician—perhaps too powerful, and with that I took my strides into gatekeeping at the very least, since no peace could be made. I could love with a wholesome heart, but a tarnished mind and a gated soul would simply not outlast the infinite journey. Though I had been illicitly carfeful not to look him in the eye last we did meet, there was a remarkable force in place far beyond control—or at least my control— which kept such power from being apprehended; I had done my best to let go, knowing it was indeed a spell at play, and rather than a curse no need to worry or fear it's users intentions. Magic was a give-and-take, and so much had been at this point taken from me that the bruises of jealousy for whatever it was being waved about my psyche as ‘better than' could do no more than to rip the rest of my heart from its crevice as I pondered on what I might have done right, or might have done wrong—if there were such things. ‘White girls get all the love.' It was only true in my heart and my mind, and so it must have sat in my soul a certain way. I had never intended really to fall into what I had fallen into with Dillon Francis—not that it couldn't or wouldn't be undone, eventually, as I was inraveling myself into an unremarkable, unastonishing whisp — a fracture in time to do much less than even be though of, or forgotten. I'm still lost in your eyes I'll be in love with you forever A piece of my rock had shattered on the floor of the shower at Equinox—the only stone I kept for myself, and often forgotten about, as I did myself, not that i mattered much. It shattered unevenly into three pieces, one of which I left in the sauna, quickly before departing—and the other which I had dropped in Times Square, begrudgingly under the LCD American flag by which I felt betrayed: How could our nation not only allow, but create homelessness as a scare tactic to keep the working poor working as slaves, to saciate the wealthy's wants and needs? “Whatever.” I'm not going to hurt you, You can't hurt me anymore than I can hurt myself. I'm glad you know that. I don't know anything. Suicide fucking sucks. I know that. It might be time for me to go But I just want to let you know I still got love for you; And there's still hope; I left the door open I gotta go, you know, It's hopeless for some At the end of my rope —and it's a long way home, But it's home at the end It's home at the end of a long, lond road I took the wrong one, But at least now I know you I'll go on It seems that I still have a soul, somewhere I walked in on thin air, And now I'm here; I don't know where I'm still lost in your eyes I'll be in love with you forever LEGENDS EDDIE MURPHY opens the heavy Victorian style door, after three solid knocks from under the GLOVED HAND which lifts the golden-brass door knocker. To what do I owe the pleasure? WHOOPI GOLDBERG Business, not pleasure. -_- Well, which business. All of ‘em. [She gestures to pass through the doorway.] Please, come in. Coffee, or Tea? Coffee this late? [beat] Coffee. This is serious. You look serious. I've been—confined. Drake Bell, you son of a bitch. Oh, so you do know my name. I know all your names. So it is. So I am. — How'd you get in this? I've always been in this. What is “always”? How did you get in this? I am this. What a philosophy. Call it what you want. What if I don't. Then don't. See you on the other side. Someone once told me, the grass is much greener— on the other side. —and when I paid a visit, (It's possible I missed it) Seemed different, yet exactly the same. DILLON FRANCIS I didn't want it to end this way. I didn't want it to end. Well, it did. You let it. I had to. Just let go. No, I can't. Hah! What's so funny? You're fucking impossible. Nothing is “impossible” you said that. But you “can't” Let this go? Ah-hah. No. This here will keep slowly unwinding until there's no more. —and then what? There's no more. Damn. This is foul. Hm. Take a time out, Timmy. I'm a take a t-t-taxi I pay my t-t-taxes The actor and the actress. Oh, He's Big Hollywood; Doesn't Have a Job, But the work's real good – His lines are smooth and his days are long, Gotta make it right, For a whole lot of wrongs He's Big-Big Hollywood Doesn't have a job; But the work's real good Coming in hot, Like he's fresh out the box That's a real big nugget, With a whole lot of sauce. Stop. What. What is this. It's a song. This is awful. FUCK IT. I DON'T CARE. Damn, Oreos AND Ben & Jerry's?! IT'S DAIRY-FREE. Tf kind o f Oreos is that. They're GLuten FrEe. FUCK IT. Sunni, get a hold of yourself. YOU GET A HOLD OF YOUR SELF. Stop yelling from across the room. I'LL YELL WHERE I WANT. Fuck this job. FUCK YOU MARIANNE. AGGHH. AGGHHHHHHHHH. Fuck What. What's up. I need a smoke break. I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEART OUT. YOU DOn'T HAVE A HEART. SHUT UP, DILLON FRANCIS. GOd. WHO INVITED HIM, ANYWAY. I didn't. NOBODY INVITED HIM. The inspiration to music hit at just the right and the wrong time—I had finally found my way to the butt machine, only after visiting every other floor and guessing incorrectly—only to make it to the machine in just enough time to realize that I was for some reason exhausted—perhaps having just blown my last fuse, realizing I was literally down to my last, few pennies— and, unknowing of how to escape the hole I had dug myself into, falling into a carful and unsecured ‘lust' with New York, surely never to fall in love with another city as I had LA, learning my lessons well, and knowing all too well that nowhere and no one like me was safe from homelessness in the US—now having proven itself to be a hostile entity, in a full police state. It didn't seem to matter, though, as I had narrowly missed my escape nearly on purpose, but not— it seemed something entirely outward was keeping me at bay and in the US, not that I had wanted to leave out of fear for my life as much as I wanted adventure and exploration—but either way was going nowhere at all fast, and running out or money even faster. “Fuck, I hate my life” I had probably over caffeinated, at least half the reason I couldn't budge to top speed, even blasting bangarang into my eardrums at nearly top volume—this day, it only emotionally weakened me, having demoted myself entirely from any sort of elite status, back into the realm of obsessive fandom, and perhaps even schizophrenia, per Dane Cook's shenanigans. Yeah, I'm tired and I need to take like ten shits. Just finish then. If I leave early I have to come back early. Well, go, then. Muscle fatigue, check Dehydration, check Psyche completely shattered Check. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -THE LEGEND OF SUPACREE LEGENDS GERALD'S WORLD OWSLA CONFIDENTIAL: THE INFINITE SKRILLIFILES ENTER THE MULTIVERSE DEATHWISH ASCENSION THE SECRET LIFE OF SUNNÏ BLŪ SCARY MONSTERS & SUPACREE THE INSOMNIAC &MORE FROM [The Festival Project.™] SEASON 6 ACT III Part I MONTAGE: Clique, Cruel Summer Kanye West, JAY-Z & Big Sean EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES. BROAD ASS DAYLIGHT SUPACREE has unlocked 100% Of her ABILITIES GOD MODE UNLOCKED SUPACREE EXITS EQUINOX FITNESS CLUB AT LIGHTSPEED, Hitting the pavement with swift force, splitting into three dimensional selves; SUNNI BLŪ to her left and A MYSTERIOUS, unknown ALTER EGO to her right, she shifts quickly to the beat of the music, morphing into and out of parallels of the outer world, opening and closing portals, and encapsulating anything and everything within her force field—which happens to be the whole of GREATER LOS ANGELES. Damn. If I put my heart inside a box; Maybe I'd forget how cold it was Or how far you are Or how much it hurts There's no harm in God, If there ever was one Then, reality sets in: God was my only friend No armor on, I'm at the end Of a long, long walk I'm off again And on again Nothing's impossible— stop at the alter and scoff a bit I left my coat on, I left my heart on the rooftop, A sacrifice, love At the alter, I wonder a song, Or a sonnet A song, No, what's wrong? Something's off a bit God, I woke up in a coffin once Isn't that awful? The rest or the song wrote itself, At the alter No, I can't stop and talk Got to get off, Cause I've never been on I've never belonged in the world What have we done? This is bad, brother. That's a construct. Everything's a construct! Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of—you know what? I do know. You think you're fuckin' clever. I am clever. You're a sick man. That's my business. Yeah, well—you made it my business. I am you. What a concept. *construct. God, help you! [sideways evil smirk] Hehe. SPAM! ON TACOS! BUTTERS Oh—Jesus! WHO PUTS SPAM ON TACOS?! A smart man. C'mon, Butters. We gotta get lost in the sauce before we try this out. I'MMA TRY IT OUT. OK. GOD, OH, GOD, PLEASE— MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN— (WhT.) JUST— DON'T LET IT BE SKRILL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Fuxk. What. She took the train. Which fucking train. I don't know. The train. THE A TRAIN, or the B TRAIN?! HEY. WHAT, you motherfucking idiot? I THINK I LOVE YOU. Well, stop thinking. Ok. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER has been kidnapped— He's like 50 years old. He's been dad-napped. —by the MOB. The MOB?! He's into some dark shit. Wait, he is?! In this series. He has been tied to a chair, which sits under a single spotlight in a shabby, dark room in NEW JERSEY. Ew, New Jersey. JIMMY THE MOBSTER Hi, Jimmy— JIMMY FALLON —uh—hello. JIMMY THE MOBSTER I'm Jimmy. JIMMY FALLON Oh, that's ironic. [beat] JIMMY THE MOBSTER I'm gonna kill you, Jimmy. GOD If I give you a serious role, how are you gonna handle it? JIMMY FALLON like a pro. GOD don't lie to me, Jimmy. JIMMY FALLON What?! I'm not! My body, heart, mind, and soul was being attacked— I had 15 minutes to vacate the property and couldn't even focus—I had to use the bathroom so badly it hurt my soul. I was pacing back and forth, choking back ugly tears—the rude man in the room across the way still occupying the bathroom which I needed, both to clean and relieve myself—but it had been hell, after all, and needs like these had been proven to be in short supply. Fuck. This is a gun to your head. Just do it. [he moves the pistol into her mouth] Now it's in your mouth. [she unhinges her jaw to open it wider, never breaking eye contact and relaxes; he studies his hand on the grip of the tripper, ready to lill] You'll die today. [A comfort; as she relaxes, he as well changes—this seems to take the fun of killing away from him, he exacts the gun from her mouth] CONT'D You like that? I love it— You're dead, bitch! Yes, I am! A penniless whore. Whores get paid— Then, even less— What's less than this? A dead bitch. Think again. I don't think, I just shoot; Sounds like a man. Oh, I am. Then kill me with your hands. Jesus Christ, man. He can't help. No one can help you. So just shoot. [he can't] SUNNI. )&2&;@2@2$ YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL. SUCK MY DICK. AGHHJJJ. Well. TMZ is here. This is a disaster. NEXT, WE LEARN: THE Oh my God. WhT. This is probably the worst thing I've ever written. Not the worst. Nope: it is the worst. Maybe it's just bad on paper. It's bad no matter how you — CONTROL, JANET PRIVACY. Here. Wtf is this. LEGENDS: FAME SCHOOL Christopher Walken was one of my professors in fame school For acting? For music. For music? That doesn't make any sense. Please, don't make me explain this. A FACE BATTLE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN vs. SUPACREE -_- —__^ *_- ^__ __/ *_* >< … —-__—- Ok. Alright. Show me what you got. SUPACREE plays a beat. You know where this is going. We all know where this is going. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN that was OK. “OK”?! Yeah. *shrugs* OK. You know what— You know what it needs? …what's it need? —-more cowbell. I beg your pardon. Please, don't beg. It was perfect. It was OK. You're not OK. —maybe I'm not. You're definitely not. —know what helps? Don't tell me: More fucking cowbell. Lol. ⅔ ain't bad. Wait, two out or three?! Which one didn't I— —FUCK. What, what happened? They're onto me. THE BAMPHERAMPS, MOTHERFUCKING BAMPHERAMPHS, and THE ASCENDED MASTERY has assembled in NEW YORK CITY to stage a coup. It's a coup d'état. There sure is a lot of French shit over here. Well yeah, it's Paris. Wait. What, what now? If SUPACREE is in Paris. NIGGAZ. Right—then— Who the fuck are they chasing in New York. [just waking up] Why am I in New York? WHOOPI GOLDBERG you got anyplace else to be? …no. MEANWHILE, IN ROME. Fanculo! Really, dude. Apparently. A tear in my head; A rip in my soul, And the fabric of— Coming undone at the whole; I make sense of it all at the alter, The fall; To have fought in the war, And then lost, or to suffer at all Love was lost, I was never a martyr— Blood on the cross, And the crossroads, The frost and the stardust, “There's no God” For the honorable, Stuck in New York, But defrosting my toes, At the forefront I haven't once wondered or thought Of the love that I was, Since I stopped throwing rocks at the church Or got off on the wrong stop; What a puzzle, To jump off, Or rot in the heart of The hub— World of wonders, A mother of suns, Never wanted a daughter so much Unpunishment, Loved was the Duchess; To carry a crutch or a cross— So unbothered, untouched, So heartless and dark, For the marksman—a spark Or the dog does not bark At the horses You're in the clear, hero. Heartless, she was! Now, now—settle down. This is an absolute outrage. Is it, now? I say so! Maybe you shouldn't. Faro, a word, I've got three. I'll go first. [a smug look] What's happened here? A ressurection, sir. Care to explain? I said ‘three.' Where's the King? My palms grew numb as my throbbing heartache welled up into the back of my throat and sat perched up against my growling stomach, stuffed with beans and rice, perhaps to fill the sadness or satiate my need for protein, either one. ASCENSION If you're going to vomit, step away from me. —I'm not sick. Actually, step out of my house. This is your house? —I live here. —no one lives here. What did you think it was? an elaborate cave. It is—an elaborwte cave— —excuse my ignorance. You're excused entirely. —I appreciate that. I meant, from here. You should go. Faro, wait. No more waiting; you were uninvited. Trust me—this visitation is more necessary than voluntary. That's—a lot of words. I don't speak caveman. Just—get out. Listen: No more listening— It's about C'esme't. It always is. This is important. It always is. It concerns you. It always does. —? Wait. [a heavy sigh] [a long silence] Come with me. FARO leads GÍAN towards the back of his quarters. Close the door. I— what? Nevermind. You're useless. Ehrm—excuse me. Excused, your majesty. FARO opens a SECRET PASSAGEWAY into a FUTURISTIC CORIDOR, leading GÍAN into a vast FORTRESS. balls. Uh. My stomach in knots And my life is in ruins Constellations all gone, And my heart, on the border of hurt— And mistrust So unlovable, loveless— Promises, scars and the art was devoured Ah— she was awful; Ah—she must have lost her mind God, she was homeless, And loveless, And wild eyed All that I wanted, Was to get lost in the lobby, Before the whole ball dropped —and watch the false phropet Collide wirh the comet Stop: I lost God at the crosswalk, The punishment was Homeless Now watch this: This is what I wanted: Doesn't really matter now, Does it? Oh, doesn't it. God, this is Lucifer. Son, it's an honor. No God for a mother, who walks on her own. Now it's over or under. It's over. It never got started. I locked up my heart with the piñata. How irrelevant. How awkward. How curse words turn to mantras. How I have half a heart Or, like ⅓ We're being honest, now. I thought Illuminati wanted hotties and Caucasians. Well, I guess that'll explain, Why you've been stuck inside a cage, then. NICK CAGE is an extremely skilled time traveler. Ok. WHOOPI GOLDBERG has freed herself from the cage in which SUPACREE had skillfully trapped the OWL OF THE GOLDEN EYE. WhT a prophecy. MEANWHILE, AT HOGWARTS. HOGWARTS, 2023. ANANDAR is HEADMASTER. Ah, fuck. I'm gonna puke. All I wanted was to shamelessly watch the man's balls swing like a pendulum... Well, here's this instead. Oh no, it's Skrillex. Now you have to— —now I have to watch this. Why. Cause I've already seen that. I hate you. I hate you. SOLD, to the lady in red. Damn. Slavery is cool. Yeah, I guess. FUCK. What. Idk. BITCH. GET OUT THE BASEMENT; I'm in the attick What you think this is? Lights, camera, action: Now that attractions been well established I should get back to it, I'm in the attic Lighting up matches, Fixin my holes up with patches Callin it classic Call me an asshole, I can't be mad man, I am a mad man, I bring the mask back To Handle a trash can Get out the basement. I told you he could dance. A GIANT DRAGON Oh shit, here it comes. FIRE. DILLON FRANCIS I Well. We're gonna die. DILLON FRANCIS II If she throws up, I get a pickle. DILLON FRANCIS III That's a deal. DILLON FRANCIS II And if she cries, I get a French poodle named Angelina Jolie. DILLON FRANCIS III Righteous. DILLON FRANCIS II Yur damn right. A GIANT DRAGON FLIES OVERHEAD, SWEEPING THE SKIES WITH FIRE AND LIGHTNING. DILLON FRANCIS I (CONT'D) Yeah, we're definitely fucked. Why are you dressed like Froto. FROTO (in background, dressed exactly alike) That is offensive! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. It's the end of the world! (At least as we know it) IS THAT SKRILLEX? FIRE BREATHING DRAGON. Well, it was. What the fuck HAPPENED?! Is that its final form? Yes it is. I'll give you one million dollars. That's not enough. This card is priceless. What is this. Like a Pokémon game?! This whoops Pokémon's ass. This is LEGENDS. LIL' BIIIITZ Yo! New York is CRAZY First of all, how is it all of a sudden CLEANER THAN LA?! New York's like: here —we sent all the nasty people to LA. All better. Polarity shift! LA is gross now! New York cleaned up! The trains are nice —shit— All the trash is in BAGS. I was like “Whaaaaaaat” this is nice. What the fuck. This shit different! Unh. they exported all the nasty, crazy motherfuxkers to LA. On GOD. Cause every other psychologically twisted individual I talk to in LA is like: “I'M FROM NEW YORK” *hawks loogie, spits* Uhhhhh… I was going on a little European adventure; New York's like: “You know, you never stay long…” I'm like “There's a reason for that…welp, gotta go.” The whole universe fucked around and was like— “You know what? We like you here. Stay. “ What. “STAY.” Fuck. New York is different. Won't say I love it — But goddamn, I like it! People are rude. People are rude as fuck. I'm used to LA where people are fake nice For fuckin tips and shit, you know? Everybody's trying to get famous for something, Or something. Idk. Fake as fuck. Fake nice. Fake happy. Fake titties. Fake lips. Just fucking fake. fake everything. Everything is plastic. —and it's not tied up in garbage bags, either. It's just plastic, and trash, and piss everywhere. It's so gross. You see Venice Beach on the movies: It's all clean and beautiful, and picturesque. You get there, it's like Skid Row + Skid Row Coastal. LA has millions of homeless people everywhere. In cars, in tents. Under bridges. Everywhere. And I love LA! I really do. But it's fake. Everything is fake. New York is real as fuck. Yeaaah. Almost too real. But I like it. You don't have to fuckin fake shit. People don't say “excuse me—“ No. You're never forced to say “good morning “ before you had your coffee! Yuh! New York is doing it right. People sleep on the train— But nobody lives on that motherfucker! I was in New York like a week before the shock wore off that there were not hundreds of individuals on every train wreaking of piss and smoking crack openly—YES—illicit drug use on trains in LA is extremely casual. Everything in LA is casual. People wear pajamas to work. Yeah—that. Everyone in New York looks like they're going to eat at a five-star restaurant. Like all the time. No socks-with-slides. EW. I swore to God socks with slides was a sign of the apocalypse; I get to New York, none of that—but the cringy thing in New York is Crocs With Socs. Now mmmm we're bi-coastal. Socks-with-slides; Crocs-with-socks. Knock that shit off. TACKY. other than that, though… NY is cool. It's chic. It's fun. You gotta be careful though. You gotta watch out. I thought LA drivers were crazy. New York drivers are fucking psychotic. Pedestrians don't have the right of way. At all. If you're in a crosswalk in LA even if the light is red, people will stop and let you go. In New York you better wait for the fuckin walk sign. They will kill you. It's okay. 6 millions ways to die: choose one! Just kidding. That's some west coast shit. But I did see a whole ass mural of Snoop Dogg in Brooklyn and get slightly confused— Till I realized everything on it was the color blue, and I was deadass in the middle of Brooklyn going “What? Ohhhhh! Wait! The Crips!” “Those guys are everywhere!” Lol. Its a nation wide disorganization. Lol. Whatever. I like New York. Doing my best not to love it, So the universe doesn't balance me out by showing me what to hate about it So far, so good New York drivers don't play. I never seen a school bus drift before! DAMN. Almost got hit by a short bus. Oh, the irony. I saw a dude do a whole ass wheelie on an electric scooter. Not a moped, by the way. An electric scooter. Yup. New Yoooooork. BEDFORD AVENUE, BROOKLYN, NY. THE BAMPHERAMPHS have initiated SEQUENCE C I like New York. I gotta say. It IS like LA In the way that I know I can't live in New York if I'm not just filthy fucking rich. Cause, you know—there's still homelessness; But unlike in LA, where you just wander around, smelling like piss, begging for change— You freeze to death. A quick solution! Haha! (It's not funny.) but whatever. America. I thought I was leaving; I got trapped in the matrix. I was like “Fuck this place.” They're like: “stay! We need slaves!” I'm like FUCK. So I got stuck in New York. Ugh. At least it's a “free state” I made it north, ma! Not exactly the safest place to get stuck with no money, either, is it? Really nowhere is safe with no money. I mean, I know of some places south of the border you can live, basically free and just, you know—sleep in a hammock, sing for change and shit. Roam the beach. I know people that do that— it's just- I like showers. I don't love showers. Cause then, I'm sure God would find a way to take that away, too. I don't love anything anymore. Once you love something—it either goes away, or it burns you. Or both. Can't love things. Can't love people. No more love. Just—appreciate—things. Just—like—things, you know? Don't love anything. Speaking of suicidal tendencies. Hahah. You know what else is cool about New York? The trains actually come into the station fast enough to kill you. Like—you've had enough? Okay: here it is. Just to save you a trip to the Empire State Building. This train is coming in at 304 miles an hour and is somehow gonna stop in 3 seconds. —maybe 2 seconds, if you do jump— Better think fast! They almost come too fast, for suicide. Ready, set— Dammit. Missed it again. They're so fast. The trains in LA stopped going suicide-fast like, a couple years ago—maybe, just before the pandemic—I think. They're like “You know what! This is happening too often. I am ALWAYS late to my other two jobs ‘cause someone killed themselves on my train! Fuck!” LA's like: “Well fuck this, all the slaves are killing themselves on the trains.” “Damn, that sucks” LA's like “Yeah, okay so: here's what we do; we'll put up signs for a suicide hotline at the popular jumping points” “LA's like: okay” “And—we'll tell the train operators they gotta slow down coming into the station—“ “That'll do it!” “—that way, If they still do decide to jump, they'll just get paralyzed, and contribute to the opioid crisis: more funding for big pharma!” “Yes, it's genius!” “—unless they're black, or on Medicaid, then: we'll send em home with some ibuprofen and make sure they collect disability, so that they can become addicted to crack, or something like that —you know.” “Yes. That's perfect.” Good Job LA. I get lost in New York. I'll be on New York like “YO, WHERE THE FUCK AM I AT?” “In New York” GODDAMMIT. You know what else is weird about New York? Personal space is not a thing. I mean, “space” is not a thing at all, anyway. But “Personal space”? No. People will not only sit by you; The'll siT ON you. Yo. I had just got to New York— I had all my luggage with me— And this lady gets on the train; She's got a broom. Idk what for, but okay; She gets onto the train, She looks around, and I guess she decides she wants the seat next to me. So like I said, I have all my stuff l so I'm a little spread out, but there's room— But you know what she does? She looks me straight in the eye And then just hits me with her broom. I was like —-?!? I'm thinking, “Okay is she racist or is that just a New York thing?” Like, “you can just hit people with shit!? damn!” What's funny is, I kinda respected her for that. She was old. Didn't say a word, just “bam” Like—- ‘move!' I'm like “okay!” New York is so classy. Girls wear panty hose, and stockings. I'm like “wow, that's actually nice. That's so wholesome! Tights?! Yeah!” It's so classy. I don't think girls in LA even wear regular panties. Let alone panty hose. Get it—panty—Hoes. I see correlation. You know what else is cool about New York. It's less racist. I mean- There's so much diversity, there's almost no room to be racist. It's crazy. So many people. So many colors. So much culture. So many languages! I hear languages I can't even place. I thought I was good. I'm in LA, I'm like, “Okay, that's Chinese—“ “That's Japanese” “That's Korean” “Farsi” I get to New York— I'm in the Delicstessen. Thats another thing. Nothing like a real, New York delicatessen. That's what “deli” is short for, by the way, everyone not from New York. It's “delicatessen” Lol. Anyway. I'm standing in the Deli and I hear some shit that—I'm not gonna lie— was actually quite alarming, as a native English speaker. I'm standing there, and this guy behind me literally over my shoulder says, “Blooppnsmabhoan ammaoakb amansbaiL aannaoka snkaoakmnlblblblnlnl!!!!” I'm like what the FUCK. This isn't REAL. “Blblblana. Akakma alak Akakamaamna!” I'm shoooook. What IS that!!? I like New York. The girls aren't all evil soulless heart eating demons. They're just “regular” I have to run back to LA and tell all my guy friends, they're like “Women are evil” I'm like— “Nooo, that's just out here.” Maybe. I don't know. I like New York. I bet it's wonderful when it's warm. I don't know! Maybe that's when shit hits the fan! Maybe it's like Chicago. EVERYBODY DIES IN THE SUMMER— Who said that. Chance the Rapper, I think. I don't know. LEGENDS: FAMESCHOOL This move is called: The “Slap-Dicksuck.” [carefully taking notes] “slap-dick-suck”…okay… hmm.. Now, class. [raises hand curiously] Yes? Um. SUPACREE— —PROFESSOR SUPACREE. Um. Professor SUPACREE— Yes! Why is it called the “Slap-Dicksuck” I was about to explain that. //SLAP-DICKSUCK// NEXT: we learn THE “SLAP-DICKSUCK-SLAP” Let me guess. No, no guessing. This class is gross. I like it. Yeah, you're gross. The world is gross. Get over it. GET OVER IT, DILLON FRANCIS. *sniffes* Please, stop crying. She— *sniffles* It's okay, Dillon. She took my piñata! Your piñata set your house on fire. He sets—everything on fire— Have you ever stopped to think— —no— thinking is bad. Go get dressed. No, not today. You look like a bloated chicken nugget. —I used to like chicken nuggets. hey, Tofu daddy. This is sick. This is a sick bitch we're dealing with. I'm not dealing with anything, I quit. Quit, you can't quit. I just did. DEADMAU5 Okay, no more bodies. Ū Okay. No more bodies. DEADMAU5 Really? Ū —No. DEADMAU5 Goddammit, this is not a GAME. Ū It is a game, though—and I'm a damn good marksman. DEADMAU5 Dammit, you're right. Ū I'm always right. Come, take my hand— (I took off my ring) Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing Come, take my hand Let's sit on this swing Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing? I powered on my phone to find the digital clock exactly at 1:15, which had seemed to be creeping up again as a recurring theme, along with some other unsettling figurines—if it was a race against time, I was losing—and If, perhaps, a Holy War, I must have been some sort of Holy, as it had seemed the world's good graces had turned her back on me, and that faith dwindled more quickly in the cold than any other condition. Lay your head on my shoulder, Your cheek on my cheek, Wrap your arm round my waist, You can think what I think You can skate on thin ice You can sing what I sing And when the ice breaks; You can sink when I sink Come, take my hand— (I took off my ring) Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing Come, take my hand Let's sit on this swing Do you want to do a half, or a whole thing? It had been strange waves of everything—more than I was ready for and much more than intentionally took on, all things considered. I burned my tongue on piping hot oatmeal, trying to eat rather than write, as it seemed the time had come that I could no longer skip meals and properly function. Nearing thirty like a bullet—and at least metaphorically bleeding as if I had actually been shot, my heart and soul throbbing and gushing into a paralyzing twist or fears and woes, trapped in a foreign city with almost nothing to my name, lugging around my music equipment and very few belongings, which—when put away neatly even in the smallest room— seemed like almost nothing, but was certainly too much to carry around, especially alone. And I was, so very alone. Drake Bell and the Hollywood Spell My newest and strangest muse yet had again insisted on appearing into my dream world, for the third time, anyway—which seemed a cruel and almost disturbing subconscious attempt to conjur up what might have been the entirety of my energy to complete the 6th Season of Enter The Multiverse, at this point which had even interested m

A conversa foi tão boa que tivemos que continuar na segunda parte , Hahah. Essa segunda parte foi mais focada na parte espiritual. Espero que goste! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/rodrigobaena/support

Så kunne vi være her - kun lidt mere end et døgn forsinket. Men jeg kan nu råbe: DER ER PODCAST!! DER ER PODCAST!!Jeg har været på besøg hos Jeppe fra Øen igen. Og puha, det var en svær omgang denne gang. For enten var jeg ikke helt tilfreds med Alene Sammen sæson 3 eller også hadede Jeppe The Circle sæson 5 så meget. Vi får også vendt Farmer Wants a Wife som lige nu ligger på TV2PLAY. Det er den australske udgave af Landmand søger Kærlighed og jeg må bare indrømme, at hold nu op hvor det kan mere end den danske udgave. Der kommer også lidt historie på programmet, som jeg rent faktisk troede var dansk. Så Jeppe og jeg taler om Alene Sammen sæson 2 (TV2Play), The Circle sæson 5 (Netflix) - hvor lækkert er det lige Shubby er tilbage, og hvor skønt at sidde at tale om sit yndlingsprogram, med en mand der intens hader det. Hahah.. Og så Farmer Wants a Wife. God fornøjelseTak til Jeppe for at være med igen - det er altid dejligt at komme hjem i din hyggelige stue. Tak til dig som lytter med - du ved jeg elsker hver og en. Og tak til Hello Fresh for endnu en gang at sponsorer et afsnit. TIDSKODER: Ca. 07:00 - Alene SammenCa. 31:30 - Farmer Wants a WifeCa 01:06:30 - The CircleCa 01:39: 30 - Ugens øjeblik Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

E200: Wow. We made it to 200? Hahah Crazy. by Fr. Harrison & Fr. Anthony

DER ER PODCAST!! DER ER PODCAST!! Loya er nede som den første, og han synes det er ekstremt nederen, ikke at få en personlig sejr, som han selv siger i Robinson Ekspeditionen.  Jeg er denne gang hooket op med Martin Oliver, som vi jo kender fra Prince Charming - og denne podcast. Han er Reality Tjeks bedste julegodte.  Jeg vender lige alt det SK og Raven drama, der er kommet frem i denne uge.  Og så taler vi ellers om Robinson Ekspeditionen (Viaplay). Det er ugen efter Emils angreb på Lukas, så hvad sker der på øen og er der nogen, der holder ham ansvarlig. Spoiler alert: Nej, ikke andre en Mie Fitness.  Vi vender The Bridge (Prime Video), hvor Maria fik sin fantastiske skurke rolle udlevet - og her i podcasten elsker vi alt ved det.  Vi ser kort på Paradise sæson 2 (Viaplay), hvor værten Emil skiller sig ud i år.  Og så taler vi om Netflixs Buying Beverly Hills, noget primært jeg har set:) Hahah..  Det er officielt - minisoderne er snart længere end de originale afsnit. OMG:) Tusinde tak for at lytte med

every now and then i post something random/unhinged and someone asks me 'how do you get over being cringe?' HAHAH anyways here are some of my thoughts and reflections on how i process my insecurities and try to develop a stronger sense of self. how awareness of our insecurities can be seen as a blessing, grounding practices, exposure therapy, holding space for our contradictions and why cringing at your former self is important for self growth! there's still so much to say but i hope that this helps provide perspective! follow me ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqq8YNQ2GXEC9hSvQpiGiqQ/featured https://twitter.com/amberakilla --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/friend-crush/message

Come hang out and get to know some new friends! This week marks our 5th Annual Anaheim Lash Class, and we are painting the town!!! Well, we're painting the town un Downtown Disney and Disneyland. Hahah. But come meet up with us! Come alone and don't be afraid! Nobody knows each other, and we're all friends here. DM me on Instagram @socolashes if you want to meet up!! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

We continued our reading of Step 4 from the Ladder of Divine Ascent on Obedience and the spirit with which it is practiced. What one begins to see in the writings of the Fathers is that obedience is not slavishness that destroys the personality or the will of the other. It arises out of a relationship; first and foremost the relationship between the Father and the Son that brought about our salvation; wherein Christ through the Spirit of love became obedient even unto death on the cross. Obedience within this world and obedience to one's spiritual father is rooted in a similar relationship of mutual love. Spiritual father and son must be well disposed to each other in order that what is given and what is received is done so in love. Only then will bear fruit and only then will it bring a kind of invincible joy. To live in obedience is to find freedom; freedom from fear and anxiety, freedom from the darkness that sin brings to us.  Through obedience we always have someone to guide us back to the narrow way, one who shows us the light that allows us to move forward. Let us pray through Saint John Climacus that God would cultivate this great virtue within our hearts.  --- Text of chat during the group:  00:07:47 FrDavid Abernethy: page 83, para 45   00:28:54 Daniel Allen: The blog “Glory to God for all things” had a great article on this titled “saving knowledge and blessed ignorance”. What we don't know can be more important than what we know, and what we know is much less than we like to think.   00:31:02 Anthony: On one hand, I think he's right.  On the other hand, does one have a responsibility to try and share specialized knowledge for guidance to a perceived good or guidance away from a bad thing - but with discretion in how you propose the idea?   00:41:54 Rachel: That is extremely rare but so very beautiful.   00:47:26 Bridget McGinley: How does one reconcile in practice the advice in the Psalms and other Biblical verses like “ It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man” with the virtue of obedience and trust in a confessor/elder? Especially if there have been grave misunderstandings in the past.   00:56:52 Daniel Allen: St. Ambrose to St. Monica: ““God's time will come,” the bishop reassured her, but she was so persistent he finally urged, “Go now, I beg you. It is not possible that the son of so many tears should perish.””   00:57:49 Debra: ❤️   01:04:25 Rachel: lol   01:08:31 Ambrose Little: depends on who the sub is   01:08:41 Debra:

Episode Notes Episode Summary: Mo, a criminal defense/movement lawyer with the National Lawyers Guild, talks about how Grand Juries are used by the State to destabilize communities, and what your options are for resisting them if you are issued a subpoena. Margaret and them talk about the importance of not cooperating with Grand Juries and how you can be an eternal badass...i mean protect yourself and your community by resisting them. They also talk about the most important legal strategy: Hope. Guest Info: Mo, Moira Meltzer-Cohen (they/them), is a Criminal Defense Lawyer who works at the intersection of Criminal Defense and struggles for social and economic justice. They work for the National Lawyers Guild (NLG) Federal Defense Hotline. You can find them on Twitter @ProbYrLawyer. Show Links: National Lawyers Guild Federal Defense Hotline: (212) 679-2811 IF YOU RECEIVE A SUBPOENA FOR A GRAND JURY CALL THEM. (If you call you might get Mo!) NLG NYC_:_ On Instagram @NLG_NYC Civil Liberties Defense Center: CLDC.org for legal primers, brochuers and information. Grand Jury Resistance Project: GrandJuryResistance.org SparrowMedia.net: Chelsea Manning Grand Jury Resitance info. Host: The host Margaret Killjoy can be found on twitter @magpiekilljoy or instagram at @margaretkilljoy. Publisher: This show is published by Strangers in A Tangled Wilderness. We can be found at www.tangledwilderness.org, or on Twitter @TangledWild and Instagram @Tangled_Wilderness. You can support the show on Patreon at www.patreon.com/strangersinatangledwilderness. Transcript Mo on Grand Juries Margaret 00:15 Hello and welcome to Live Like the World is Dying, your podcast for what feels like the end times. I'm your host, Margaret killjoy. And this week I will be talking to my friend Mo, who is a lawyer. And not just any lawyer, but the lawyer I know who got one of my friends out of jail when he was in jail for Grand Jury resistance. "What is a Grand Jury?" you might ask, and "Why might we resist it?" Well, that's the topic of this week's episode. So if you stay tuned, you will hear all about Grand Juries and why they suck, and what we can do about them, and what you can do about them. This podcast is a proud member of the Channel Zero network of anarchists podcasts. And here's the jingle from another show on the network. Margaret 01:48 Okay, if you could introduce yourself with your name, your pronouns, and then kind of what you do for work. Mo 01:53 Hi, Margaret, I'm Mo. My name is Moira Meltzer-Cohen. My pronouns are they/them. I'm an attorney, and I work at the intersection of criminal defense and struggles for social and economic justice. So, I've probably represented a lot of your listeners. Margaret 02:13 Hurray. Yeah, for context. I've literally had nightmares, where I get rounded up by cops, and I'm just like, "I need to call Mo!" And and then Mo comes and saves me. Mo 02:26 I'll do my best. Margaret 02:27 Yeah, I appreciate it. The only other phone number I've memorized besides like my immediate family. So speaking of friends of ours that Moira has gotten out of jail, I want to talk about something that happened a number of years ago to our mutual friend, Jerry Koch, which was that one time Jerry Koch was may may or may not have once been in a bar. And people in that bar may or may not have been talking about a crime that happened. I think, before Jerry even moved to New York City, but I'm not entirely certain. And that crime was that someone may or may not Well, clearly, someone did it. No one knows who did it. Someone bicycled past recruitment center and threw a box full of black powder at it, and it destroyed the door in the middle of the night, and no one was hurt. And because it was a federal crime, it became this huge deal. And so Jerry was subpoenaed to speak before a Grand Jury, and Jerry refused to do so. And as a result, he spent nine months in jail without being accused of any crime, and basically, like all of his rights were taken away. Like all of his, you know, First, Fourth and Fifth Amendment rights were not enough to say, well, basically, they can try and make you talk even though it's not illegal to not talk to them, and they can still throw you in jail. And I wanted to have Mo on one because Mo was the one who got Jerry out of jail. But also because I think that it's useful for people to know about the Grand Jury process, kind of what it is, what it can do to social movements, and how we can prevent it from doing those things to our social movements as we fight for a better world. So do you want to tell me like, What is a Grand Jury? Mo 04:18 Right? So the Grand Jury is anomalous in the American legal system, and it's, as you will see, it's so anomalous, and it so disregards so many of the core assumptions that most people have about the Constitution and the American legal system that I have encountered many people, including many attorneys, who have a really hard time believing that Grand Juries exist and operate in the way that they do actually operate. So a federal Grand Jury is an investigation where 18 to 24 people are called together in the same way that, you know, you get called for, like jury duty. People get called for Grand Jury Duty. And they hang out and listen to prosecutors to federal prosecutors present evidence about various criminal offenses and determine whether or not a crime has actually occurred. And in doing these investigations, federal prosecutors can issue subpoenas, which say, to whoever they're issued to, you have to show up to this Grand Jury and answer my questions in front of these 18 to 24 people. And there's really...and you don't get an attorney in there with you. And there's no judge in there. There's just the prosecutor and these people who have been called to Grand Jury Duty. And they can tell you to come and give testimony and answer their questions. And they can also tell you to come and bring various kinds of documents. And this is compulsory, whereas usually, you would have the right to decline to participate in a police investigation, which is what I talked about last time I was on your show, which is that you really never have an obligation to talk to police. Unfortunately, this is sort of the opposite, where if you are issued a Grand Jury subpoena, and you declined to participate, you can be ordered by a judge to participate, sort of, in spite of all of the rights you think you have, like the First Amendment, right to Association and Speech and Belief, and your Fifth Amendment rights to remain silent. And your Sixth Amendment right to have a lawyer with you, if you're being questioned, all of those rights kind of fly out the window. And if you refuse to participate, a judge might order you to participate anyway. And if you continue to decline to participate, the judge will find you in Contempt of their Order To Participate, and they can throw you in prison. And so you can spend a pretty significant amount of time in federal prison, not because you have been accused of a crime, not because you have been convicted of a crime, but because you have declined to help the state make out their case against yourself or someone else. Margaret 07:29 One of the things that really strikes me about Grand Juries is like when you first try to describe the process of someone, it sounds like a good thing, right? It's like set up to be this thing where you're like, oh, you can't just accuse people have crimes. And you actually have to have a meeting ahead of time to make sure there's enough evidence before you can accuse someone of a crime. And it just I feel like the state is really good at taking things that like ostensibly might possibly be designed to protect us from government overreach and turn them into over government overreach. Mo 08:01 That's exactly right. So a Grand Jury is a it's a process that was invented in the 12th century. And the reason that it was invented is it was a group of sort of citizens, men, who would come together to privately investigate whether an offence had even been committed, because sometimes the Crown would just throw people in, in jail. And so this was... the Grand Jury was a step that was intended to make sure that there was some constraint on the unfettered power of the Crown. And unfortunately, the way that the Grand Jury has been adopted and used in the United States is not...it is an arm of state power, as opposed to a bulwark against it. Although, federal prosecutors get really butthurt if you say things like that, and they...they're constantly saying, we're a bulwark against unfettered power, but they're.... Margaret 09:07 And that's why we threw your friend in jail for nine months for not talking to us. Mo 09:11 I can never tell if federal prosecutors actually believe the things that they're saying. They're very defensive about... they're very defensive about the Grand Jury process. And they seem genuinely to believe that it's protective, despite the fact that there, I think, is only one other nation in the world that still uses Grand Juries, because they have come to be understood as really damaging. They're not transparent. They're secret proceedings. They're frequently compared to Star Chamber Proceedings. But one of the things that is a big difference between a federal Grand Jury and the Star Chamber is that the Star Chamber Proceedings were public. Margaret 09:54 What's a Star Chamber Proceeding? 09:57 The Star Chamber was this like, sort of secret authoritarian court. Margaret 10:03 Cool. Mo 10:04 So, yeah, so the thing about Grand Jury proceedings is the claim that's made is that they happen in secret so that they don't sort of destroy the reputations of people who the innocent accused, right? But there's actually ways of initiating a criminal prosecution that don't involve secrecy, right? You....people in countries all over the world managed to prosecute criminal offenses without using Grand Juries. And it involves sort of public cross examination and having sort of the trappings of due process that we would assume, obtain in the American legal system, and they typically do, but federal Grand Juries, you know, as I said, there, it's totally unnecessary. But, they're very useful. They're very useful for a number of reasons, because their critical attributes give tremendous power to prosecutors. Sorry, let me rephrase that they're very useful to prosecutors for a number of reasons. They're not particularly useful to anyone else? They're quite dangerous for exactly these reasons. Margaret 11:18 Because they can like...they can use them to just fish information out of scenes, right? Because you can show up and say... Mo 11:24 There's a bunch of things about them. One is that what a prosecutor can ask is almost unlimited. There's there's really... the rules of evidence that we would think about, like, you know, hearsay, being inadmissible various kinds of unlawfully collected evidence being admissible, relevance, right? If you're having a criminal trial or a civil trial, you can't just get any kind of...you can't start asking questions about unrelated things, right? Well, in a federal Grand Jury, you can, and there's...Furthermore, there's nobody there. There's no judge there, there's no defense attorney present. The only person who's present is the prosecutor. So the prosecutor gets to determine what evidence gets seen, and what evidence doesn't get seen, right? They're presenting their case to this Grand Jury, but they're not giving a complete picture, which is why we have Grand Juries where, you know, over 99%, of people accused of a federal offense get indicted by a Grand Jury. But are those people ever cops? I mean, almost never, right? And that's because the prosecutor controls how evidence is presented and what evidence is not presented, and how evidence gets placed before those grand jurors. And so they really control the narrative. And they basically determine what gets prosecuted and what doesn't. They can also use the federal Grand Jury, as you said, to go fishing, because they can basically issue as we saw with Jerry, they can issue a subpoena to just about anyone and ask them just about anything. So, you know, we have no idea whether they actually thought Jerry had any relevant information about that event, which they refer to as The Bicycle Bombing. Right? Who knows whether they actually thought that Jerry had any information about it, despite the fact that he told them publicly many times that he did not. And they don't seem to have had any real reason to think he did. But what they definitely thought he had information about was anarchist organizing in New York City. And that's clearly what they were interested in asking him about. And so maybe they weren't necessarily going to get information about the Bicycle Bombing from subpoenaing him to come and give testimony. And maybe they weren't gonna even get information about any kind of Federal offense from his testimony, but they sure we're gonna get some social mapping. They sure we're gonna get some information about, you know, potentially about like, internecine quarrels in the anarchist community. So, you know, a lot of, a lot of this is a fishing expedition. And I think that sort of brings us to the next thing that you and I were discussing, which is, Grand Juries are these really complicated, really anomalous legal proceedings. They're sort of quasi criminal. They involve a lot of different really technical elements. But at bottom, they're sort of anathema to anarchists. And there's a few reasons for that. And I think, you know, this is sort of the thing that I guess we wanted to talk about, which is that, Margaret 14:55 Yeah, why don't anarchists talk to Grand Juries? Mo 14:58 Well, this is yeah, I mean, this is the thing, right, is that there's sort of three things going on. One thing is anarchists pretty much don't talk to Grand Juries, on principle, because fuck the state. But there's also materially, it's very dangerous to give testimony to a Grand Jury, because you're essentially, even if you're not giving them information about any unlawful activity, any information that you give to the state, can and very much will be used against you and your community. And anytime you're talking to a federal Grand Jury, or a federal investigator, law enforcement of any kind, anything that you say, can be used to get more information can be used to cause trouble in your community, and can be used to prosecute, prosecute you or the people in your community. And then the third even more technical reason is that strategically, legally, there are a whole slew of reasons and legal arguments that you can bring to bear against cooperating with a federal Grand Jury. And, in fact, you know, I would say, as a legal matter, you know, I can't...whether or not to cooperate with a federal Grand Jury is not a decision that an attorney can make for another person. Margaret 16:25 Right. Mo 16:26 But there are a number of legal advantages to litigating questions around the enforceability of a Grand Jury subpoena. Margaret 16:39 Well does this tie into, like, how how you got Jerry out? Mo 16:44 Yes. Well, there's sort of there's phases, right, because the first thing that I would say, the first thing that would happen in Grand Jury litigation, is developing arguments or or seeing if there are arguments against the enforceability of the Grand Jury subpoena. And these range from things like: "Is the subpoena properly issued and enforceable?"to "Can you enforce this Grand Jury subpoena against this particular individual?" Does this Grand Jury subpoena impermissibly intrude into First Amendment protections? Does it impermissibly intrude into Fifth Amendment protections? Can you demonstrate that this particular subpoena was issued on the basis of illegally collected evidence? There's things like that, that certainly you would want to litigate before just rolling over and cooperating with a Grand Jury. Again, from the legal point of view, quite apart from the issues of principle, you know, if you don't, if there's a way to avoid incriminating yourself, you, you know, I would advise you to do it. So, there's a whole kind of litigation to...that happens sort of up front, to try to do what's called "quash the subpoena", right, to nullify the subpoena. That almost universally fails. We are not successful with that litigation that happens early on in the process. And then what what typically happens? Well, sometimes what happens is that the prosecutor gives up, but that's, that's not typical. Although it happens occasionally. Margaret 18:39 We could hope we could pin all of our hopes on that. Mo 18:43 Yes. I wouldn't expect it. Margaret 18:47 No, we should pin all of our hopes on it. That's what'll happen. You heard it here first, there's nothing to worry about. Mo 18:55 Please call my office. If you get a Grand Jury subpoena. Do not lay awake in bed hoping for the prosecutor to let it go. Margaret 19:03 Interesting. Okay. Okay. Mo 19:05 You know, we even have a hotline. Margaret 19:07 Yeah? Mo 19:08 Which I can tell you about later. But yes, we...you can call the office, you can call the hotline. You can call your local chapter of the National Lawyers Guild. Margaret 19:19 Okay. Mo 19:20 Hire a lawyer instead of hoping. Margaret 19:22 Okay. Mo 19:23 Okay. Margaret 19:24 And probably a movement lawyer rather than like one that's just looking out for... Mo 19:28 For sure. Yes. Hope is not a great legal strategy, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Margaret 19:36 It's almost like we should be prepared as individuals and communities for bad things that might happen. Mo 19:42 It's almost like that. Margaret 19:43 Yeah, but that would be crazy. Anyway. Okay. Mo 19:46 Typically, what happens is that you litigate the validity or the enforceability of the subpoena. And then the judge typically says, "The justice demands that we do unfettered investigations, and be allowed to ask whatever questions we want. And, if you have nothing to hide, you shouldn't be worried, just go talk to the federal Grand Jury." And they will, the judge, will order the witness to give testimony. But of course, the judge can order you to do something all they want. That doesn't mean you actually have to do it. And so, if you continue to refuse to give testimony before the federal Grand Jury, the way the judge will enforce their order, is to say, "Well, if you won't give testimony, I'm going to hold you in Contempt of Court. And the sanction for being in Contempt of Court is that I will put you in federal prison until you agree to give testimony. And if you don't agree to give testimony, then you are going to stay in federal prison until the Grand Jury expires (Grand Jury is typically at last 18 months). So, I'll keep you in federal prison until the Grand Jury expires." And then the other way that you can sometimes get out without giving testimony is to just demonstrate that you will not be convinced by your confinement to give testimony, right, because the the only permissible reason to put somebody in prison for civil Contempt is to convince them to change their mind. Right? Margaret 21:40 Cause that's coercive instead of punitive. Is that the idea? Mo 21:42 That's right. That's right. So there's... Margaret 21:44 What a weird dumb distinction that the law wants to make. Mo 21:49 There's a distincation that...I would say it's a distinction without a difference, except it does have this very significant meaningful difference... Margaret 21:57 Right, legally. Mo 21:57 Which is as follows: Margaret 21:59 Okay, Mo 22:00 A judge cannot put you in prison to punish you in the absence of due process, in the context of Grand Jury litigation, Contempt of Court is Civil and not Criminal. And so you don't get due process in the way that you would have to, in order for the judge to punish you. And so the judge...the fiction here is that the judge is not punishing you by confining you, the judge is just putting you in an uncomfortable situation with the promise that it will stop if you agree to do the thing the judge wants you to do. So, it isn't punishment. It's coercion. Margaret 22:51 Hooray. Mo 22:52 So it's, it sounds very silly, except what follows there from is that if you can demonstrate to the judge, that it isn't coercive, and it's only punitive, then they have to release you, because it's unconstitutional to punish you. Margaret 23:13 Right. Mo 23:14 And so, being able to demonstrate that the confinement in federal prison has been transformed from a coercion into a punishment is the way that you can eventually after some, usually many months, you can get your client out of prison, which is what happened with Jerry. Margaret 23:43 Okay, I kind of love because it's like, "Look, if you're a badass, and you come from a badass movement, I'm sorry, you just can't put badass is in jail. It's just not allowed anymore", is like the kind of and like, I'm under the impression when you were talking earlier about one of the reasons why anarchists in particular, might want to refuse to speak to Grand Juries is does this build a stronger case for future anarchists basically, to be like, "Oh, it doesn't work. This won't work." Mo 24:13 Absolutely. I dont think it will prevent them from trying to exact a cost. Margaret 24:17 Right. Mo 24:19 They'll still put you in. Margaret 24:20 Right. But I was under the impression this was like part of the way of explaining to a judge like "My you know, my client cannot be coerced into testifying." Mo 24:33 Absolutely. Yes, very much. You know, there's...and it isn't just to be clear, it isn't only anarchists who do this. There's some really great case law that stems from different organized crime people and white collar crime, which is just another kind of organized crime, I guess, people refusing to cooperate. There's a really great case where a Jewish guy says that it's against, you know, It violates the tenets of his faith to to snitch, which I as a Jew, I I would say, "Yes that I would agree with this assessment." And of course the judge said, "No, you... I'm sorry you don't have a religious First Amendment right not to snatch." Morris Simpkin, I think was the was the guy. Rabbi Morris Simpkin. Margaret 25:26 That rules. Mo 25:27 Yeah, no, he's he's a hero. And then there's a guy who basically was released, because he, he said, "I'm not going to...I'm not going to talk. Because, as you know, I have several million dollars waiting for me in an offshore bank account. If I tell you about it, I won't, you know, I wont be able to access it later." Margaret 25:51 Did that work? Mo 25:53 I don't think it actually did work particularly well. I think the Court said something like, "You know, this is a little too venal even for us to deal with." But, so...it isn't just anarchists who refuse to cooperate with Grand Juries. And then there's also people who refuse to cooperate with Grand Juries, because they're in fear for their life, which is, I think, maybe even more common than people refusing on principle. Margaret 26:23 Yeah. So how does this come up in movements? Right, like, you know, the the example that we use at the beginning is a fairly like, it ties into the anarchist movement in New York City at that time, but it's a fairly isolated incident. But I'm under the impression that Grand Juries are used or end up disrupting social movements in a broader sense. Mo 26:45 Yeah, absolutely. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Nobody talks, everybody walks"? That's sort of, I think this is not a legal strategy commentary. But, I think the sort of the goal of anarchist communities is to recognize that the more people talk, the more evidence you are creating, the more information you are providing to the State that can--even if you're providing evidence that has nothing to do with unlawful conduct--providing information of any kind to the State gives the state a toehold that gives them a foot in the door, it gives them something to hang a warrant on for example. It just gives them an entree into your community in a way that makes you more vulnerable. And so, you know, when when we're saying, well, "Nobody talks, everybody walks," the less information the State has, the less effective they will be at intruding into your community, at manufacturing allegations of unlawful conduct of fabricating, you know, conspiracy charges. There's all kinds of ways that federal prosecutions can emerge. I mean, I would say, it's important to recognize the way that State repression is used against vulnerable communities generally. A few years ago, there was this really horrific conspiracy prosecution that involved over 100 people in the Bronx. And, you know, there was a guy who ended up in federal prison because the evidence that he was part of this conspiracy was that he waved to somebody at the bodega. Margaret 28:38 Oh, God. Mo 28:38 You know, so when we're talking about, is it protecting our communities? I'm not suggesting that, that there's a conspiracy to hide. It's that...or that there's even unlawful behavior to hide or to conceal. It's just that it is very disturbingly easy for federal law enforcement to sort of manufacture charges and allegations out of whole cloth that can just devastate a community, you know, with long term consequences. So, not handing over information to federal prosecutors or law enforcement of any kind even if you think the information is harmless, or even if you think the information serves to demonstrate your innocence. Any amount of information that's given to federal law enforcement is dangerous to you, and it's dangerous to your community. Margaret 29:46 So, if you get subpoenaed or you suspect you might be subpoenaed. I'm under the impression that because the subpoena is not a warrant, that It's not illegal to...to not get subpoenaed, to avoid being subpoenaed. Is this is this true? Mo 30:09 It's not...I mean, I know what you're trying to say it's not...you're not going to get like arrested for avoiding service of a subpoena, Margaret 30:19 Right? Which means you think they might come to your door, just don't answer the door or don't be there? Not saying that this is the strategy everyone should take, obviously. But, I'm curious...because this whole thing is so anonamalous, a nominal...is out of the ordinary. It...I'm under the impression that there's like, a lot of history of people...like it's a weird...I'm under the impression is a gray area where you're kind of like allowed to go on the run. Like, it's not illegal to flee a subpoena. It would be illegal to flee after you've been subpoenaed is my impression. I'm not telling people what to do. I'm just merely... it's a very interesting part of this whole thing from my point of view, Mo 30:59 It's not necessarily exactly illegal. You could be arrested on what's called a "Material Witness Order." Because you haven't, you're not being accused of a crime. Right? So running isn't exactly illegal. There are examples of people going underground to avoid subpoena. I'm not sure it's...you know, I wouldn't advise somebody to do it as a lawyer. But, you know, I would tell them what the potential consequences might be. But, largely the consequences would be a lot of discomfort and instability, I think. And if you, you know, I guess it sort of depends on what kind of resources you have, if you feel like you want to, if you want to go underground in order to avoid a subpoena, and you think that's going to be easier than getting a movement lawyer to fight the subpoena. Or, you know, I think it would be very disruptive at one way or another, you are going to get a subpoena. It's going to be disruptive. So I guess, pick your poison. Margaret 32:06 Fair enough. I just, I kind of want to go through, like, what happens if you get a subpoena? And you know, obviously, or if you believe you might get subpoenaed. And so when I imagine the flowchart, like, yeah, one of the options is if you're aware that you might be subpoenaed, and you want to disrupt your own life dramatically... Mo 32:25 Certainly. Margaret 32:26 And it's basically a way of LARPing undergrounder because you'd like on the run from the law, but you're not breaking the law to go underground. Mo 32:34 I don't know if you can LARP underground. I don't know if you can learn being underground. You...because even if you're being underground... Margaret 32:44 Legally, Mo 32:45 Because you have a delusion that you might be subpoenaed, you're still going to be really uncomfortable. Margaret 32:52 That's true. Yep. Okay, Mo 32:55 The consequences are still going to be real. Margaret 32:57 Yeah. Mo 32:58 But sure, one of the...one of your, one of the options available to you is to go underground. And then another option that's available to you is to call an attorney. I'm gonna give you the hotline number, the National Lawyers Guild, federal defense hotline is (212) 679-2811. And if you call that hotline, you will get me, and you can have a privileged, confidential, and secure conversation about your rights, risks and responsibilities. And I will do my very best to connect you with appropriate legal resources in your jurisdiction. And that's a better idea, in my opinion then going underground, but I am not the person who's looking at subpoena. So that is a choice that you get to make. Margaret 33:53 Yeah, I'm not advocating here. I'm just like, you know, laying out options to people. Mo 34:00 It is an option. Margaret 34:01 Okay. Okay. So if you get the subpoena, and you decide to fight it, and they call you, what next? Mo 34:08 I'll take a look at the subpoena, or your attorney will. Your attorney will take a look at the subpoena. They will call the prosecutor who issued the subpoena. Typically, they'll ask for some time to postpone the date of appearance so that they can put together some legal arguments and try to have the subpoena quashed, which as I said before means nullified or withdrawn. They try to look for some way in which the subpoena is unenforceable or invalid. And that can be on the grounds again of the First Amendment. Like, "This subpoena intrudes into First Amendment protected behavior. The subpoena is a Fourth Amendment violation," or "We believe that it that the subpoena was issued on the basis of evidence that was illegally obtained by the prosecution." Or, "This subpoena in some way violates the Sixth Amendment," or, very commonly, "This subpoena violates the Fifth Amendment and testifying in front of this Grand Jury would expose the witness to criminal liability." So, you make all of those arguments. If the federal prosecutor really wants you to give testimony, what they will very frequently do is approach the federal government or they'll approach the Department Of Justice and ask for what's called an "Immunity Order", which undermines your right against compelled self-incrimination, because it involves a promise not to prosecute you. And so, the idea is that they can then compel your testimony, because nothing you say could be self-incriminating, Margaret 35:55 Right. But it's still incriminates everyone else you know, and... Mo 35:59 That's right. Margaret 36:00 Which could lead to them... Mo 36:00 And probably still yourself anyway. Margaret 36:02 Right, because then if they get someone else to talk, they could talk about you, and then their testimony can be used against you. Mo 36:08 And your own testimony can be used against you, it just isn't quite as straightforward as it might otherwise be. Margaret 36:13 Oh, cool. Okay. Mo 36:14 No, Immunity Orders are not meaningful in the way that the government would like to have you believe. So, you know, honestly, testifying before a federal Grand Jury really does...I can't emphasize how dangerous it is, it really does expose you and anyone else, you know, to criminal liability, even if you haven't done anything unlawful, because this is really a situation where your innocence will not protect you. And very often, especially if we're talking about the sort of world of "conspiracy", the very fact that you might be perceived to have information in itself can be parlayed into evidence of culpability. You know, there's there's just a lot of ways in which giving testimony before a federal Grand Jury is very dangerous, and really exposes you and anyone, you know, to criminal liability. And it also perpetuates the cycle of more Grand Jury subpoenas being issued, Margaret 37:31 Right. Because they know it works. Mo 37:34 Well. Because, if one person responds and goes before the federal Grand Jury, and are asked who was at the anarchist meeting in 1998, and then says, "Oh, I think, you know, Jose, Joseph and Joe, were all there." Then Jose Joseph and Joe will get supoenas. Margaret 37:55 You know this is a public show, though, right? You just used their names... Mo 37:59 Oh. Hahah. Margaret 37:59 And I really like interrupting you with jokes, because I feel like a jerk every time I do it. Anyway, I'm sorry. Please continue. Mo 38:12 I love you very much. Margaret 38:13 Thanks. Mo 38:18 Yeah, it perpetuates a cycle of more subpoenas being issued, because anybody who says anything, the prosecutor then takes anything they've said, and you know anybody's name who comes up gets, then that that person gets a subpoena. They also, you know, the more information you give them, the more that they can figure out how to target people who feel isolated and vulnerable, and who are more likely to cooperate, right. So if you...and just to be clear, what the federal government perceives as like "vulnerabilities and weaknesses" are not necessarily things that are vulnerabilities and weaknesses. So for example, they may target people who have children, believing that, you know, someone who has a child will be more willing to cooperate with the federal government, then to potentially risk prison time for a refusal to cooperate. They might target someone who's gender non conforming, you know, on the belief that, you know, a trans person would be less likely to be able to like tolerate the idea of going to prison. They might target someone who has mental health issues, or who has a lot of friction in their community. The belief that a person who has...who's sort of fighting with other people in their community will have an incentive to, I guess, to talk shit about those people, and to give them up and to give the government information. I think the federal government thinks we're a lot less organized and a lot more petty than we are. And, I think the federal government thinks that we have a lot less courage than we have. But yeah. Margaret 40:12 I mean, it's one of the reasons that Grand Juries are scary, right, is that it's one of the things where, as you said earlier, like "Innocence will not protect you," you know, like, there is a level of risk just being socially engaged in activist movements, right, and so, you know what, whether or not you...what...whether or not you like do crimes, doesn't necessarily, like affect the degree to which this particular threat might threaten you? Mo 40:47 Yeah, I mean, I think this is the point where, you know, to return to the story of what happened to Jerry, right? Nobody ever said that Jerry knew anything about the Bicycle Bombing. Nobody ever said Jerry was involved in the Bicycle Bombing. The claim that was made is that he might have been present when a couple of other people were having a casual conversation about it. Margaret 41:11 Right. Mo 41:12 Which is, you know, one of the reasons that we say like, "Don't speculate. Don't make jokes. Don't brag," right? Like, because you're not just exposing yourself to liability. You're exposing anyone who hears you, or who is believed to have heard you to a Grand Jury subpoena, which if they're a principled person means exposing them to prison time, Margaret 41:41 Right. When when Grand Jury stuff hit closer to me, and it started affecting more my friends, and you know, when Jerry went to jail and stuff it, you know, sort of selfishly scared me. I had nothing to do with any of that stuff. I wasn't living in New York, any of that. But just that realization, my that my like, non crime-ness is not enough to keep me safe or whatever. But then, I guess I'm trying to, like, offer this, like note of courage or hope, I guess, which is my legal strategy is hope. But, that's not true. Mo 42:16 When you say it like that, it actually sounds reasonable, though. Margaret 42:19 Well, okay. But so the one of the things that I remember when we were working on on Jerry's campaign, was there's this flowchart of Grand Juries, right? And what can happen to you at each stage. And the end result of that is freedom. Mo 42:38 Yes. Margaret 42:39 Like, the degree to which it sucks before then varies. But, the the end result is that you're out and you're back with people, and everyone knows that you're fucking badass and have their backs. And, and, and I feel like that's a useful thing that like, I hold on to, and that I think other people. I mean... Mo 43:02 That's true. I think that's true. You know, there...it is finite. There's a few really unusual cases where someone has been charged with instead of Civil Contempt, Criminal Contempt. There are, you know, a few very, very specific instances where, you know, really post 9/11 people who were alleged to have been involved in, quote, "terrorism," have done very serious prison time on Criminal Contempt for refusing to cooperate with a Grand Jury. But typically, what we're looking at is a maximum of 18 months, which doesn't have no lasting consequences. Margaret 43:51 Oh, yeah. Mo 43:51 But, but it is finite. Margaret 43:54 Yeah. Mo 43:55 You know, I mean, one of the things about Grand Juries for...in terms of resisting as a community, is that federal Grand Juries are secret, right? No one can talk about what happens in the Grand Jury room, with one significant exception, which is the witness. The witness can disclose that they've been subpoenaed. The witness can say what they said or what they didn't say. They can say what they were asked. And the power of the federal Grand Jury really does very much lie in its secrecy. You know, I said, there's no judge there. There's no defense attorney there. I think even more importantly, there's no public there. Right? And so it functions to isolate the witness. It functions or it is intended to function to isolate the witness. But the fact is, you know, one of the things that, as you know, Jerry did was he stood out on the courthouse steps and he made a statement and he said, "I've been subpoenaed. This is what I think they want to ask me about. I'm not going to talk to them about it." He went into the Grand Jury room, he came out and disclosed what he had been asked very publicly, you know, he made a bunch of statements about his commitment to principle, and people really rallied around him. And that really served to undermine that terrifying power of secrecy, just by making that process more transparent. Margaret 45:34 Yeah. Well, are there any final thoughts about Grand Juries that you want to want to offer the audience? Or did we miss anything major? Mo 45:46 So, you know, we were just talking about how, you know, in Jerry's case, and in many other cases, I've, I've litigated, the witness has been very public about their experience with the Grand Jury with the subpoena with litigation. And this is socially useful and politically useful. I will, I'd like to let your audience also know, it's legally very useful, because at the end of this process, when you're trying to demonstrate to a judge that your client is in-coercible, that they, that the incarceration that has been imposed upon them in order to coerce them, isn't working, and is therefore punitive, but since they haven't been given any due process, they're not allowed to be punished and should therefore be released. The evidence that you put before the judge is evidence of the witness's articulated moral conviction, their psychological makeup, and all of these social incentives that have not wavered or changed over, you know, some not insignificant period of confinement. So, all of those sorts of public statements, and, and those acts of silence before the Grand Jury, those are, in fact, the substantive evidence that will hopefully serve to win their freedom. Margaret 47:09 Yeah. Mo 47:11 And in fact, one part of the evidence is social support. So the more you can educate your community about what a Grand Jury is, why they're dangerous to the community, and really help people to rally around, it sort of...showing that kind of community support, also functions to help the judge understand that it would truly be a loss, a moral loss for the witness at this point to disappoint all these, all these supporters. I want to reiterate sort of the consequences of cooperation with a Grand Jury, because, you know, being confined in a federal prison is terrible, and, and frightening and hugely disruptive. So, you know, I think there are a lot of incentives for people to cooperate. But I think people really need to understand that the consequences of cooperation don't just include snitching about criminal conduct. It includes disclosing information about people and movements, that is totally unrelated to illegal behavior, but can be compromising in other ways that aren't any of the State's business that can cause internal conflict in movements, can chill other people's commitment to movements, their willingness to participate in movements. And, of course, the, you know, the consequence that I keep talking about is the witness themself ending up in prison, which, you know, if you are convicted of a federal criminal offense, as opposed to being civilly confined, because you're refusing to cooperate with a Grand Jury, the sentencing guidelines for federal offenses are typically way longer than 18 months. So you know, when we're talking about going in for being a recalcitrant witness, and saying, I'm not going to cooperate with a federal Grand Jury, it is truly finite, which is may or may not be the case, if you end up incriminating yourself or somehow exposing yourself to criminal liability. And then you're looking at a much longer sentence that, you know, that is punitive. And that that is going to last a lot longer than 18 months likely. Margaret 49:38 So it's kind of a parallel to the whole like, "Shut the fuck up when you're arrested thing," where like, all right, you're going to jail and the difference is whether you're going to jail, like for a couple of days or you know, for a long ass time. Mo 49:53 Right. I mean, I again, I cannot advise someone not to cooperate with a Grand Jury. That's not my role, it would be unethical for me to do that. But what I can do and what my job is to do is to make clear what all the various consequences might be... Margaret 50:15 Okay. Mo 50:16 Of cooperation, or non cooperation. And I'm not going to, I'm not gonna lie, like, if you're subpoenaed before a federal Grand Jury, and it's at all politically motivated, you know, there is a long history of federal Grand Jury abuse in this country that goes back to, you know, prosecuting abolitionists for sedition, and continues through the labor movement, and the 19th century anarchist movement, and the Women's Rights movement and anti-war stuff, and Black Panthers and environmental stuff and the Green Scare. It's a pretty strong through line of using the federal Grand Jury to disrupt, drain, distract, and repress social movements. Margaret 51:07 Yeah. Mo 51:09 And one of the reasons that Grand Jury subpoenas are such a powerful tool is that the government's basically always going to get something that they want, right, they might not get to put all of you in prison, but you know, they're gonna get something. Either they're gonna get the information they want, which has sort of the added consequence of disrupting a whole community, because everyone's afraid. And there are indictments and convictions. Or they can get someone to cooperate and catch them in a perjury trap, and then exploit that person for more information by agreeing not to prosecute them for the perjury, or they can subpoena someone that they absolutely know, for a fact will not cooperate. And then they can do what I would call "coercing Contempt of Court", right? Because they've subpoenaed someone they know is going to...they can be held in Contempt. And then they exact a real cost from that witness, and from the whole community, and they're draining the whole community of time and energy and resources, and distracting from the actual work that that community was trying to do in the first place. Margaret 52:17 Yeah. Mo 52:17 So, you know, I think your exhortation to hope is well taken. But, I also want to be very real about the fact that a Grand Jury subpoena, in and of itself, can be extremely disruptive. That said, I mean, we have been through this a bunch of times. We know how to support each other. We know how to endure the consequences of resistance. We also know how to endure the consequences of people betraying us in cooperating with Grand Juries. Right? And there's people like me, there's lawyers and legal workers and people like you, and people like Jerry, who is now both a former Grand Jury resistor and a lawyer. Margaret 53:05 Yeah! That's cool. Mo 53:07 Yeah, I know, I couldn't yell, any harder. There's, you know, there's a lot of people out there who have already been through this crucible. Margaret 53:16 Yeah. Mo 53:18 You know, and like I said, there's ways to protect each other from subpoena by observing good security hygiene. Margaret 53:24 Yeah. It's a...it's a..it's a...it's a proud lineage to be part of, you know, if you need to hold on to something, like going through the like history of people who've been fucked over by Grand Juries. It's like, you just like listing the high points of American history, you know, like... Mo 53:43 No, I mean, you're gonna be in good company. Margaret 53:45 Yeah. Mo 53:46 I mean, to be clear, not every federal Grand Jury is...I mean, every prosecution is political. Margaret 53:52 Right. Mo 53:53 But, not every Grand Jury investigation is explicitly motivated by political animus against the person who's being investigated. Margaret 54:02 Right. Mo 54:03 But there is, you know, there is a very well documented history of the federal government just using Grand Jury subpoenas to gather information to disrupt, to, to criminalize people who haven't actually done anything unlawful to criminalize people who are doing something that is unlawful, but just. Margaret 54:28 All right. Well, if people want to know more about Grand Juries, is there any resources you could point them to? Or? Mo 54:35 No, there's no resources, sorry. Margaret 54:37 Okay. Wait...are you doing dry sarcasm back at me? I'm supposed to do the dry sarcasm. Mo 54:44 Sorry. No, there are there are resources. There are some zines out there that I think are pretty good. There's one that we put together during Standing Rock. There's...actually, oh no, that's on jury nullification. There's a really great--this is off topic so you can totally feel free to cut it--there's a really great scene on jury nullification that was written and illustrated by the guy who wrote "Go The Fuck To Sleep." Margaret 55:10 Oh, that rules. We're gonna keep that in. Okay, cool. Mo 55:13 Anyway, yeah, there's like there's good zines. There's a--I think it still exists now I gotta google it...Oh well, the CLDC, the Civil Liberties Defense Center, and Lauren Regan have a Grand Jury brochure that's good. Oh, and then here it is the Grand Jury Resistance Project. I think this is what it is. This is at GrandJuryResistance.org. And CLDC.org has a brochure about about Grand Juries. There's also some information from...there's a really great resource that is on SparrowMedia.net. That is a letter that Chelsea Manning wrote to the judge in that case when I was representing her, that goes through sort of the history of Grand Juries in the United States and internationally. And I think it's, if I say so myself, it's a really thorough and really compelling letter. And, I think it was really helpful in educating the judge about, you know, what her reasons were at least, for refusing to participate in the federal Grand Jury system, and what her objections were. So if anyone's interested in that again, that's at SparrowMedia.net. And, they have a search function. Margaret 56:33 Cool. Mo 56:33 And it was the letter that Chelsea Manning wrote to Judge Trenga at some point when we were trying to get her out. Margaret 56:42 Okay, well, thank you so much for taking time out to tell everyone about this terrible thing. Mo 56:49 My pleasure? Margaret 56:52 Do you have any anything else that you want to shout out or ways that people should or shouldn't reach you or anything you want to promote? Mo 56:57 Yeah, I would, I would just like to remind people that there's really never any reason to talk to police officers of any kind. Certainly not prior to consulting an attorney. If cops knock on your door, tell them you are represented by counsel, and to leave their name and number and your lawyer will call them back. Feel free to call me at the National Lawyers Guild Federal Defense Hotline at (212) 679-2811. And just remember, if you are arrested to say, "I am going to remain silent, and I want to speak to a lawyer," and then actually remain silent. Margaret 57:41 Sounds good. All right. Well, thank you so much. Mo 57:45 You're very welcome. Margaret 57:51 Thank you so much for listening. I hope you never need the information that was in this week's episode. But, I feel like it's worth having in your back pocket just in case, like a lot of preparedness. And see this is a preparedness episode, you all were like, "The fuck have to do preparedness?' Well, we want to be prepared for a lot of different threat models. So if you enjoyed this episode, you should tell people about it. You can tell people about it in person. And you can tell people about it on the internet. And you can tell algorithms about it by liking and subscribing and rating and reviewing and all that nonsense that tells robots what to do. And you can also support this podcast by supporting the people who helped make, which it just not just me anymore, it's a whole team of people working at a publisher that I'm part of, an anarchist collective publisher, called a Strangers In A Tangled Wilderness. And if you support us on Patreon, you'll get access to...well, you won't get access to a ton of like unique content. But, what instead is you'll support us making content. And then if you support us $10 A month you'll get a zine in the mail every month, and anywhere in the world. In particular, I would like to thank Mikki, and Nicole, David, Dana, Chelsea, Staro, Jenipher Eleanor, Natalie Kirk, Micaiah, Nora, Sam, Chris, and Hoss the dog. Your support makes this show and so many other projects possible. Alright, well that's it for now. And I will talk, I guess "at" you soon, not really "to" you because it's kind of a one way communication media, which is kind of weird, but it is what it is. I hope you all are doing as well as you can with everything that's going on. Find out more at https://live-like-the-world-is-dying.pinecast.co

____ I guess it just is what it is, then Comin fresh out the whip, like, “I'm off hiatus” Gonna jump for a swim in the ‘bitch,' Itchin drive me crazy; Gonna need 6-10 stitches, the doctor say He's in big business, with the witch Tengris– Gotta play Tennis while I watch Tenet all in ten minutes (On my small engine/indjun) Turn around do a spin, drift like i'm Ben Ten, And it's intense, like I been campin, –Then I ditched Skrillex. Just moved in, but it's been lived in Set some new intentions, Get bent, got some new addictions, spin zen, got some new additions Big Wig like I'm Hamilton in some New Editions Did some big mentions, I should send dick pics. Watch this. “It's Dillon Francis” Now I'm real famous, But i'm still nameless– I just made the game up, Still got jealous haters *coughs* I should say Gel-ous Cause she got her nails did *indjun; American slang for native or indigenous peoples of Northern America. [THE FESTIVAL PROJECT.] _________ [Three cross dimensions are about to collide into a singular reality. Three hospital rooms, three ensembles, three patients on their deathbeds;] Three Cities, Three Main Stages At Three Major Music Festivals. Three superstar DJs at the decks. Did we make it? Is it too late? Is she gone? Where is she? Are you serious? We're never gonna make it. NO! 3 dimensions: Wait, what happened? 3 dimensions: Wait, what happened? "Are you okay?" This isn't happening. Do we have time? Never say Never. -We'll never make it -Don't say that! Are you ready? Yo, where IS she? He's like, crazy or something. She's crazy. This is craaaaazy. Ok, first of all-- Go! Go! Go, now! -So, she already told you beforehand? -Yes. NO! YES! YAAAAAAS. All dimensions: No/NO NO, OH GOD NO-- "YES, OH MY GOD" (sampled) (What?) "JESUS." (Sampled from, Coffee Run) (What?) Don't-- What are you doing here? (Angrily) Ū!!!! It's YOU! A group dancing to Soulja Boy (Youuuuuuuu!) (Rollercoaster sample from Scatta) I don't know, he's been, you know-- -Did you know? -No… -DID YOU KNOW? Know what? What? What is what? (From Deathbed) ...Water… Surprised reactions, at the bedside -Run! -How much time do we have? -Take all the time you need. Time...Ah, yes, I--yes, I remember Time... She says it all the time, I didn't think she'd actually– He's gone. She died, right? ------------ "Running Out Of Time" [Frazzled and haggardly beaten, having exhausted everything attempting to unravel an endless web of timelines tied together ultimately by inevitability, he frantically rifles through his apartment, tearing through every corner, fiending for any energy source. He uplifts the couch cushions, tossing away various (insert easter eggs here) objects, empty portal guns, as the vibrations from a buzzing phone alert him of an incoming call, he fishes armpit deep into the crevices, red faced and cracked lips, cursing: --c'mon, c'mon--how did this get so fucking DEEP. God DAMN IT-- ------ By Chak Chel's bedside, The Ascended Masters are gathered surrounding a weak and lifeless GOD/Chak Chel in her absolutely oldest physical body. Oh man, I don't think she can handle many more of these Damnations, it's just more and more damage… I told you we should have Destroyed that damn planet! She created that planet-- It's not about the planet, it's the inhabitants. If we annihilate humanity now, the planet itself may regenerate with time… Time…? I-- They all turn their heads toward Chak Chel, as she drifts back out of consciousness. PAUSE *EDIT* What? Just– What!? What would it be like to listen to some Skrillex right now? NO. NEVER AGAIN. [Thinking, drifts away.] *listening to deadmau5, thinking about Skrillex* Hmnnn. Moar Ghosts N' Stuff. *Synth Drops In* Nope, I'm Good lol. CUT TO: I told you I could be Joel's cat. Oh, wow, nice. JOEL NO, MEOWINGTONS, NYO !!!!!!!! Meheh. UNPAUSE CUT BACK TO: She's so lost to time... If she succumbs under this darkness, it could be eons before The Light is restored. It may never be. INSOLENT CREATURES! Perhaps we should prepare for invasion. Invasion? They are primitive beings, barely reached the outer realms of consciousness-- We'd be waging an all-out war, on an intergalactic scale; the magnitude of this could ripple through --infinite-- --infinite dimensions-- This is everything. Everything is Everything. Pft. Yeah--until it's nothing-- Oh, yeah--just add to the amount of negative energy-- might as Well just push her into The Void. I'll push you into The Void. Nothing I haven't been through. Yeah, dude, we've all been through The Void. ...I am The Void... I was at THE ASCENSION! Where were you?? (They argue loudly.) [The Crypt Keeper Lurks Silently in the corner.] Guys. [The room is in upheaval, an outroar of arguments have erupted amongst the Gods, the Ascended Masters and other chosen leaders from each realm throughout the multiverse. ] ...Shhht, quiet... [The Crypt Keeper slowly lifts up her staff, in slow motion ] (SUPACREE shakes her head at the crypt keeper, gesturing "no, don't" ) Guys. [As the crypt keeper lowers her staff, SupaCree begins to emit a shining white light.] GUYS! THE CRYPT KEEPER CHARGES HER STAFF INTO THE GROUND, SHAKING THE WORLD WITH A THUNDEROUS FORCE, THREE TIMES. The fabric of the entire multiverse begins to shatter. The room cowers in fear and uncertainty. CHAK CHEL (very weakly) Where's Dillon…he...he should be back by now… Wait, Dillon- Dillon WHO!? Dillon Francis? Wait--what? Dillon Francis, are you serious? Oh, God-- --Shh-- Sorry, I just--seriously--? Dillon Francis. It's always Dillon Francis. Tell me about it, Jesus Christ-- --SHH--!! It's fine, I put the light inside of that one. What light? You put the Divine light of The Source inside of that guy? I'm not a--wait--what light? What's a "Dillon Francis?" We had to hide it. CHAK CHEL Dillon? ...he...he should be here by now,-- I--I have to give him more time… Wow, Dillon Fucking--the whole time– (Tying into the dimension where SupaCree has just divulged that her favorite DJ is Dillon Francis.) That's her apprentice? What! Explains how he's always everywhere, I guess-- Except here. --yeah, where IS he anyway? Yeah, I mean--he should have been here awhile ago. What the fuck does Dillon Francis have to do with anything? I mean really. [The Gods have quietly moved into a secret chamber, hidden from the rest of the–] WHAT THE FUCK. WHO did this? We had to act quickly-- It was a unified decision; DECISION BY WHO? [They fall quiet.] WHOSE idea was it to hide the Divine light of the source within this--this--imperfect and flawed excuse for a body? What genetic catastrophe allowed for this creature to have been created? Her genetic code is what allowed us to be able to-- --THE GODS ARE CREATED IN OUR IMAGE! WHAT TAINTED IMAGE IS THIS? ITS AS IF SATAN CREATED IT, IF SATAN COULD-- ...Satan Sealed The Shield... [The Gods all react in surprise and horror.] ...What… WHAT? You entrusted SATAN with the encryption of The– Not me. Chak Chel. WHAT? ...what? Why would...why would… Why would she trade her immortality for– She sacrificed her connection to The Source? What for? She would sacrifice anything to save humanity from extinction. She...loves that planet, and its inhabitants. She believed in the overall good of humankind, that they could one day come to know Love. To Be Love. She was created and designed specifically to be the embodiment of life and light itself-- The Prophecy (III) [THE ASCENDED MASTERY has assembled, the ensemble shieled by an ‘inpenatrable' invisible forcefield; SUPACREE senses the energy field, Which she walks into, nonchalantly.] She has awakened her consciousness far more quickly than was ever expected-- The Origins Once we send her back, she will have been three times resurrected from Death. How is she to bring these...this planet so drowned in darkness into the light? She can. She will. She has. There have been innumerous witnesses to the manifestations and miracles the power of the light has given her. And she's yet to use the entirety of the Source power to its full potential. Still, these instances of power manifestation have left a shockwave amidst many, even the Prophets, as foretold have discussed a solidified following amongst the alchemists, sorcerer-- --even mortals who have come to practice in the occult sciences-- She has believers. (Uhh...I think it's a cult. What's a cult?) In the dimension where the world has succumb to darkness-- -The Mormons!? -Oh, really? Hm. -Jesus. [Enter Mormon Jesus] In the same reality, Which SUPACREE has been trapped in for nearly a eternity in entirety now, she sits drenched in sweat inside her car, as onlookers from the surrounding affluent neighborhood peer into the vehicle with disgust; she looks much like a crackhead talking to herself; however, Jesus, Neva, Se7en and Goldie's anamorphosis personifications by The Guardian Angels accompany her, Avicii, also omnipresent, but unable to be seen or heard in the material reality, even between The Spirit World, which SUPACREE has journeyed deeply into, in search of Chak Chel--who has consistently been leaving hints in Nature, guiding her eventually into "God" (A Long Drive, With You, Friends) A very Jewish woman sneers, glaring at SUPACREE through the window. Telepathically, very loud and disapproving of here mere presense. (CONT'D) … She just doesn't believe in herself. The Darkness has been working to weaken the potential of The Light for quite some time now. There is an evil in the power of man, darkness in the consumption of currency-- --she's been targeted by her own country as an enemy, which the world powers see as a threat-- --her, a threat--? --she had political ambitions. These men wage war over currency, the hypocrisy of religion. America. She has the ability to be one of the most powerful leaders in human history. She acts instinctively in Love. A target? Her world has been long lost from love, succumbed to the darkness, the primitive error of man. Greed. She has overcome more alienation, more life altering loss of light in just this lifetime than can And, has been raised by the shepherds and priests in the teachings of the great kingdom. She brings herself to Death in despair and sadness. She cannot live with the power of The Source Light in the loss of Love; the pain becomes too great. And now? She's been bestowed by the ancients the wisdom of her true origins. So she knows… She knows that in the absence of Love, there is no Life left to light. Love is the thing that weaves together the fabric of space and time. Reality Is… AH, JESUS CHRIST! SUPACREE appears behind DILLON FRANCIS in the doorway silently. The Bampheramph Line rings, he hopes it is Hanzel--it is Chak Chel--he rolls his eyes, tossing his phone to the side You should probably answer that. DILLON FRANCIS You should probably shut the fuck up, how about that? SUPACREE Relax. I need you to listen to me--remember that thing-- DILLON FRANCIS Which THING? EVERYTHING? Like EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING? Like that!? Huh! SUPACREE ...yes, it's that exactly, actually. DILLON FRANCIS. "Exactly, actually--actually," SUPACREE appears in full form, out of the translucency of the higher realms and into the personification of the third dimensional realm. SUPACREE Come on, dude, we don't have time for this! DILLON FRANCIS Time? What the fuck is time? SUPACREE Come on, Dillon, we really don't have time for this, I'll explain it-- DILLON FRANCIS Explain it when? When you have time? [He turns to see her, standing in the doorway; A simple plain white T shirt and blue jeans.] (gh0st.) SUPACREE I'm trying to tell you, dude. It's time. DILLON FRANCIS Wait, why do you look--wait, which dimension is--whats different about--wait (Sampled "Wait", at the crosswalk) sneakers launch from the sidewalk and into the busy intersection, in a sprint. "Two genres: Hardstyle, and Country." "I don't know what the 3rd world war will be fought with, but the 4th will be with sticks and stones." This begins the battle against "good" and "evil", " darkness" and "light", "life" and "death"--but as the Source, Gods and Ascended Masters all know, that all are one in the same--that these concepts only exist within a primitive human psyche. The collective consciousness of "hybrids", hyper-intellectual "human" individuals with extraterrestrial origins and ancient ancestors, predating the human era (which some distant--even technologically-- advanced beings amongst intelligent civilizations throughout the cosmos infinite galaxies ever expanding throughout the outer realms of the multiverse, all of consciousness "And there is no "all", because infinite means that it has yet to end." *Moving sand (the universe) into a giant space dump truck/space dump.* ...is that all of it? SŪPA and SKRILLEX, after both having been involuntarily flung "around" an infinitely expanding universe, are finally head to head after hunting each other in realms beyond time and space for literal eternities; The peak of their confused fury comes to a face-to-face blowout, to which the likes the Heavens nor the Underworld ever have seen. In dimensions where people are tuning in on multi/interdimensional cable, the audience is glued to their seats. (People in rural areas are going through obscene and ridiculous lengths to get a signal so that they can tune in. ENTER THE MULTIVERSE: RICK AND MORTY MORTY Ohhh, oh shit Rick! I-its that show, with the--uhh, uhhh... RICK Which 'uhh-uhhs', Morty--the big ones, or the little ones? MORTY Uhhh–'Flying Magic DJ Monkey Unicorn Space...Wars...I think. RICK Oh, you mean ‘Space Rave? You mean like, where they're at a rave *belch* in-in-in Space? Or something like that? MORTY No, it's Monkey Flying Magic DJ...Monkey… RICK --You said "monkey" twice-- MORTY (CONT'D) ...Space Wars… RICK I don't know, Morty--last time I allowed myself to participate in a music festival, it got, uh, *coughs* It got pretty deep. Flashback: DILLON PICKLE FRANCIS// PICKLE RICK Flashback Within Flashback :The Hellavator Flashback within Flashback Within Flashback: SŪPA dropping the bass, eliminating RIck and Morty/justin roiland (and Dan Harmon, I guess) from existence in entirety. RICK ...yeah, I uhh. Let-uh-let me see that. [He takes the remote control from morty, switching between the channels. They are all SupaTV original series, eventually skipping past 'Ricky and Mo', an over stereotypically alternate Rick and Morty, where the characters are black. (And features an animated Ricky (from Run Ricky Run) as its main character. RICK [w/MORTY] What the-- MORTY Go back, Rick! Everybody's favorite DJ is about to battle her favorite DJ. RICK --who, what? H-h-holdon-- MORTY, rushing over to the television, hurriedly switches the channel back manually to its original channel, from a dimension where the drama has been documented as a melodramatic soap opera meets gameshow. ANNOUNCER [W/MORTY] DUEL! RICK Duel the wha--oh my God, what is she doing with that chicken wing--? Ū! RICK This is just, brutal-- MORTY That was just a highlight. The boss fight is live. RICK Boss fight... Live--wait a minute--i know that lady! F I G H T. [HANZEL and GRETL are, of course, selling scalped tickets and portal guns to fans who have been following along as the series progresses, They play a 'Deep Deep Deep Bass House' HANZEL (it's a new genre) B2B set, which emits a magical low frequency bass, opening teleportals which immediately transport attendees into the Colosseum, where a furious SONNY/SKRILLEX and a rage-fueled SŪP∆CREE have "randomly" (actually, the result of a carefully planned (and in some dimensions/worlds, failed series of coordinated efforts from various sides, creating wormholes, time gaps, opening (and/or closing) portals with certain intentions, and creating "coincidences" between their two worlds which ultimately expand or collapse the respective universes within the multiverse at their centers. [The festival is in full swing; Behind the scenes, our beloved DJs ready themselves accordingly. ] Everybody's there. (Also, this is where "Everyone's a DJ now" gets really out of control.) *spoiler alert* DJ battle underway. This is the all-out cage match of magic music ninja All the Rave Weaponry. All the Jesus. Everything. The calm before the storm: The theatre and excitement of the largest scale highest production quality and rave culture values ever known to man (or otherwise). A living, breathing ECO system which expands outward, the Colosseum at it's center, where sparkles with the decadence of the Mainstage. Unassumingly, strolling along stage right SKRILLEX sips on a refreshing beverage--surrounded by his entourage and bodyguard, as per the usual. Stage left, SŪPA and her #squad are big chillin', eating lollipops, ice cream cones, popsicles, and cupcakes… super classy. *supaclassy. DILLON FRANCIS lurks nervously in the background. (He's in the background of every scene, in different clothing, Bampheramphing hectically and sweating bullets. *probably on something. In some cut scenes he is in SŪPA's entourage, in drag--eating a taco, or hot wing rather than candy. He is still being flung around the infinite multiverse, both with purpose and intention for each "side", and has become something of a omni-agent, completing tasks within the multiverse for almost every force imaginable (and yet to be imagined, infinitely forever after.) SŪP∆, after being transported through a multilayered wormhole, threaded across the Insomniac (and live nation) festivals and concerts she's attended throughout the years and dimensions. Uncertain of which actual realm and dimension she's ended up in, (obviously, one where her SŪP∆ Brand has become a success, realizing her dreams of becoming a "superstar DJ") without the panel, she must summon her forceful energy and light magic by combining her natural intuitive powers and ancient knowledge insight. She performs various tests within her current reality, as she 'attempts' to recover and pull herself back together, having been only just moments ago cosmically annihilated for a series of infinite eternities, whilst looking for Skrillex. Luckily, she still possesses the Golden Flash drive. It is the final of her array of rave weapons, and by far most powerful. Skrillex is Skrillex. They lock eyes from across the stage. An explosion. -blam- (MIND = BLOWN.) (((throughout the dimensions))) AAARE YOU READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEE TV VIEWERS: nervous/excited/scared/happy/sad MORTY Oh, shit! It's on! It's on! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. HE SEEN HER! HE SEEN HER! *tribal dancing*/chanting* DILLON FRANCIS from center Sees SŪP∆CREE seeing SKRILLEX, squinting in confisiouson (when you think so hard, you momentarily turn into confucius.) She's mad. DILLON FRANCIS Oh--NOOO. He snaps his neck in the opposite direction, to see SKRILLEX seeing SŪP∆CREE, squinting Skrillex-y. (That's extra, extra hard.) He's mad. DILLON FRANCIS OH GOD, NO! He morphs into DILLON GLANCES and DILLON FLANCES, respectively. (3) Wtf is this like a fucked up shadow-clone juitsu? Just– DILLON FRANCIS (To Dillon Glances: giving him the Golden Flash drive) I have to--I gotta--just take th- DILLON GLANCES I can't. DILLON FRANCIS You CAN. DILLON GLANCES I can't. I'm not a DJ. DILLON FRANCIS Everyone's a fucking DJ, DO IT. DILLOn GLANCES Jesus. DILLON FRANCIS: JUST DO IT. [They run off in three seperate directions: DILLON FRANCIS runs to center stage, attempting to prevent the all out massacre of DJ dueling about to take place…] DILLON FLANCES runs into the festival's huge and quickly growing-crowd, as people literally appear out of various portals and wormholes from all over the multiverse. crowds of party goers, exiting them, attempting to open portals to evacuate them to a less fragile timeline. DILLON GLANCES, who is–in fact– not a DJ, a Bampheramph, or time traveler of any sort.. (by any purposeful means, anyway. He " just kind of gets "sucked in to this shit") —eventually crowning him as an Honorary Bampheramph (which people hate, because it's still an extension of Dillon Francis.) —-posing as Dillon Frances, steps up to the decks SKRILLEX and SŪP∆ charge towards each other furiously-- Nobody knows what to do. As they draw closer to each other, radiating in fury and anger, they each explode. SŪP∆: YOÜ. SKRILLEX: YOŪ. They charge forward. BOTH: AHHHHHHHH!!!! An energy field opens; invisible energies take on color and shape in the outer worlds. Reality shifts. yelling. BOTH: WHERES MY MUSIC? BOTH: YOUR MUSIC?! BOTH: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! SKRILLEX: No, who the fuck are youuu! SŪP∆: NO, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? (Simultaneously, to stage managers) SŪP∆: what is HE doing here? SKRILLEX: what is SHE doing here? BOTH: I'M ON THE LINEUP. SŪP∆: Of Course you're on the lineup. SKRILLEX Oh please, How did YOU get on the lineup? DILLON FRANCIS *Appearing out of seemingly nowhere, very out of breath and almost dead, still bleeding from open heart surgery through his shirt, face covered in hot wing sauce* Let me explain… BOTH: DILLON FRANCIS?!? BAMPHERAMPHS: ((From across the stage, viewing with Binoculars.)) …Dillon Francis? —Dillon Francis? What is he doing here? –Ugh, Seriously. Dillon Francis Again? DJ RICH AS FUCK Yo, Fuck Dillon Francis. DILLON FRANCIS Yeah, fuck Dillon Francis. … ...Aren't you Dillon Francis…? DILLON FRANCIS [Pointing at himself, on the stage. No, that's Dillon Francis. They turn to look back at the stage, DILLON FRANCIS vanishes. What the-- SUPACREE/SKRILLEX: (Now with anger directed towards Dillon) What are you doing here? DILLON FRANCIS: *Dazed and confused* Uh--I'm on the lineup. SŪP∆: How? SKRILLEX: Why? DILLON FRANCIS: Jesus Christ, I don't know, ok? Just please don't-- SŪP∆: Don't ‘WHAT Dillon Francis? blast this lil motherfucker out of every kind of fathomable existence with a billion giggatwats of NUCLEAR BASS? ! LIKE, THREE PEOPLE (at least) Giggatwats? DOC BROWN Gooodddamn. [GOD is going mad from all the goddamned goddamns. The Hellavator, hanging by not even a thread, has gone into its final stages of devastation and horror, as it nears taking its eternally damning plunge into the nearly infinite caverns of the underworld, Satan's domain of darkness.] Meanwhile, in multiple other dimensions: Have you seen the lineup? Are we going? We're going. We have to go. RAVEEEEE. Ohhhh shit. No. I'm not going. I have to go! Where are you guys going? PASQUALE: (flashback, daisy overalls.) You guys, where are we going? The brothers are looking through a futuristic digital catalogue of intergalactic raves throughout time and space. Yoooooo. What--you find something? Yoooooo. ...is it good? (Shows the lineup, obscured from view of the camera) FVCK. YAS. All the 'yas' SAUCE. All the sauce. Yo what planet is this even; what dimension is this in, like? Says, Earth. Earth?! No fucking way, earth doesn't have raves in any dimension I've ever heard of. [Coming in from other room.] Where doesn't have raves? Earth. Yo, what the fuck is "Earth." Bet you it's fake. Bet you it's not. Check on it. Google. Google Ūniverse is a holographic multidimensional map of their galaxy's known multiverse. They scroll through eons of galaxies, solar systems, planets, and stars the likes of which make our own galaxy, and our own sun appear to be nothing but specs of dust. Where is it? I don't see it anywhere. I told you it was fake. No. Keep going. Further. Keep going… Are you serious, where is this planet. Are you sure it's a planet? It's gotta be. Dude, there's nothing out here. Keep going. To what. This looks like a black hole ate a black whole. Something like that, what's that there? This puny galaxy? I don't think that's a galaxy. Oh, it is… They all tilt their heads, squinting. ...or.. was… They tilt their heads to the opposite side, squinting. ...or might be, someday. Or something. I don't know man, looks kinda fragile. 'Explore' "The Milkyway Galaxy" Ew. What is it? It's so dark. Well yeah, look at that tiny Sol. There's only...wait how many planets--? It's not much. I don't know man--you wanna go to a rave here? That's… (Shows the advertisement) Oh wow… Looks back at our galaxy, with a discerning consideration, then back at the ad, then back up at the "universe" I don't know man. That's way out there. Like...nowhere, actually. [Scrunched face of disapproval] "Earth." Come on guys. I mean-- (Plays promo) [EDC] DAMN. Aight. OKAY. Woooow. They all look back at the map, worriedly. Zooming in on earth. Mmkayyy. Hmmm. Yeah, this thing looks fragile. Yeah,look at that weird axis. (Wobbles) That can't last too long. This entire universe is on the verge of collapse. How did that...even...happen? The whole thing is like... All: huh. ...if we leave now, we can make it, gates open. Over 20 stages, live art, food-- --FOOD-- ...and...wait, that can't be right. This says "free water" WHAT? FREE WATER? OH WHAT. A RAVE SLASH INVASION? we don't have to invade if they're just giving it away FOR FREE. Free. Water. Psh. Water. It's a trap! Could be. Yeah, Free Water. ...it says...the almost the entire surface of this planet is what? What? That seems dangerous. It's almost entirely water, guys. That's impossible. CUT TO: I TOLD YOU. IN-FIN-ATE. Nothing is impossible. But I thought nothing was nothing. Nothing is nothing. It's also something. And everything. Which is also nothing. But I thought everything was everything. Yes, which includes, and simultaneously also excludes but certainly not limited to, nothing. But when does it end? It...it doesn't, it just (gestures)...infinite. you know? So it just...doesn't… Stop? Yeah. No. It just keeps-- Yeah. Going. --and then nothing. Which is something. Yeah, nothing's something. Then what's something. Something's a something-- Anything. Some-thing. Yeah, but 'some' is just 'some' thing, not everything. Yeah, everything--anything. Anything can be something, and something can be anything. Which-- Which means,nothing's nothing--something can be anything, and anything can be something; which is everything. And-- Nothing. --so-- Infinite. “Once Upon A Dillon Francis” Once Upon a Dillon Francis… AGH. No. Start over. Uh, ok. Once upon a Dillon Francis. Stop saying that. Yuck. Why are you saying that? What? Once Upon a Dillon Francis? That makes Dillon Francis sound like Father Time! Yaghh! Okay? You can't say that. Why? Because he isn't. He could be. But he's not. So? Just. Go back. Okay...Once Upon A Dillon Francis. (Groans) Ok. Stop it. This isn't working. Because you're not letting me even-- No story ever started with Once Upon A Dillon Francis. This one might! If it starts with Dillon Francis, where would it-- Imagination is the key to all creativity. You made that up. I'm making up the whole thing! What does Dillon Francis have to do with anything-- He doesn't. Just listen! I'm not listening to anything that starts with Dillon Francis. Well what would you rather me say, once upon a Skrillex? Now that's more like it! No, it's not. It's just unsettling. It is. You know what! Forget it. There's no story. What, because there's no Dillon Francis? Exactly. What? Because. Ï You... I don't know about this Just keep-- This makes me feel some kind of wha. What kind of way every kind of way-- wait. “Remember Ryan” I do remember Ryan “Fuck Dillon Francis” Rich Nigga Shit. And your shirt. So-- So?! Who the fuck is this guy? He's Dillon Francis. No, who the fuck is he?! Not who-- Huh? What. Whatthefuck-- What? WHAT? Hanzel (& Gretl) are originally from Hell or 'The Dark Side', this gives reasoning to their stoic and sometimes henius mannerisms. Halo by Beyonce is multidimensional (listen, study) This car needs some wheels is about loving yourself (and to learn how to love someone else) "The Skrillex" The Cosmic Owl Chak Chel's Family-- The brothers Bampheramphs --old people -&Sonny/old lady in the park dog walking Rick n roll--dillon pickle Francis/pickle rick roll) (rock n roll) will take you to the the mountain No boys allowed//no Skrillex allowed Wait here. Why can't I just come with you? No boys allowed. Can't you see the sign on the door? What sign on the door? She places a sign on the door. Wait here. But. 5 minutes. Walks in, shutting door behind her. But. Opens sliding window hatch on door, peeking out. I'll be right back. But. A note is shoved backwards through the mail slot, and floats down between his feet. He picks it up to read it; it is a blank sheet of paper. He deflates. Gleeful girly cheers and chatter, laughter and and upbeat music from the other side of the door; an obvious party starts inside. Hours pass, Sonny is falling asleep standing up. He hears 3 women approaching, and excitedly shakes himself awake. He stands to the side, posing. What's up! (They cannot hear or see him. he isn't yet aware of the forcefield placed around him, for his protection (as he is being hunted throughout the universe.) Girl: Dude, I can't believe you know Rezz. Hey! Girl 2: yeah that's sooo cool. Girl: Yeah, VIP. Is like-- Girl: Oh my God, I bet it's like so lit. Girl: So Lit. Girl: Oh my God, yeah. I'm definitely doing VIP next year. Girl: Definitely. Girl: So worth it. Girl: So like, what time does it start-start? Girl: ummm, I don't know, but I think we're like early. Early!? Girl: Should I--oh, hey--im getting a call. It's the other DJ, I think she's inside already. (It's Ū) Girl: Hello? What up Ū! Ū? Hey! Heeeeey! Girl: yeah, we're at the door. Ohhhh shit, for real? Ok. (hangs up) yeah, she said she'll be down here in like, 5 minutes. Apparently the music's bumping, they couldn't even hear us at the door. Psh. 5 minutes yeah right. Girl: daynmm. Girl: yeah, there's like 10 famous DJs in there in there right now. Look at this snapchat I got earlier. Daaaam. Lit. I heard there's gonna be more. Is that Allison Wonderland? Allison Wonderland opens the door. Hi Guys! No way! It is Allison Wonderland! Hey!! Come on in guys! Girl: (closest to Sonny, but walking towards the door) wait, did you guys hear that weird. Girl: kind of, not really Girl: yeah I don't really believe in ghosts, but sometimes-- By now, Sonny has noticed that he hasn't been seen or heard by anyone and assumes his likely invisibility. However Allison Wonderland, being a DJ, has the ability to see through this force field (unbeknownst to him that it even exists.) Sonny stands at the door, staring. She stares back expressionlessly, straight into his soul with indifference of his presence. A brief silence, before Sonny furroughs his brows. She just stares at him. ...wait, can you see me? ...No. She shuts the door. Jack and Jill I'm elessian park You left your sister where Doctors A-Z (doctor p's planet; boogie t distant relative) Scary OWSLA (1000 VOLTS, WESTWOOD) GIANT JOSH PANDA THE SOUL SALESMEN THE CIA/FBI/MEN IN BLACK DONT FUCK WITH TIME (IRL) FROZEN SKRILLEX FOREST FIRE (REZZ) Ralph, Wendy, Denny, Trader Joe Mr moto guy Tips>>>SKRILLEX I thought we were done writing these. I guess not. Get the fuck back, Dillon Francis. Woah, I--okay. JUST STEP BACK. That's a gun! It's a bayonet. That's...where did you even get something like that? I time travel. That...makes sense. It has to. Wenzday. She's pretty. Aren't they all. They are. Maybe her. Anyone but you, huh? How would it ever be me? Still don't believe? How could I ever believe. They're all perfect. And Talented. And white. Can't forget white. And thin. Never forget thin. So why would it ever be me? Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe's a maybe. And a Skrillex is a Skrillex. And Sonny's a Sonny. So-- So, Billie Ellish. My Future. See you in a couple years. Its chasing a wild goose. It's chasing monsters and sprites. It's chasing, but only if you're running. Run, Sunni-- Run Sonny-- Run. This goes around in circles. Goes around like seagulls in the sky. Getter. What did getter do? What did Skrillex do? What does Dillon Francis Have to do with anything? Nothing. Jimmy Fallon --was never nothing-- What does Dillon Francis have to do with anything? Still don't know. What about Pasqualle? Still don't know. And Skrillex? Fuck--I really don't know. Don't you? Alright. What do you know? Commonalities. And? Patterns. And…? Red Cups, Beer Bottles, and Pop-Tarts. What's it look like? A shallow pool of hard liquor. So? So, they can afford alcoholism. You see it that way? I don't see. Don't you? That's the same question twice. It's the same question, infinitely. Who are you? Who am I? Exactly. What's your DJ name? Depends on the day. What's your name, now? I'm Sunni. To replace Sonny? Nothing replaces that. What's in the music? An algorithm--a hidden code, maybe? Maybe. Maybe's still a maybe.[ What are they looking for? A savior? Now you've given yourself a God Complex. As if the world already hadn't. The world had, I just refused to accept it. Until? Until everything. At once, right? And nothing. Why does Annie keep coming up? You must be on her mind. I'm dead to her. Who? Exactly. She thinks you'll make up. Please. She's latna and native. And an alcoholic. So. So she's perfect. So she is. I'm not forgiving her. Again. Maybe you don't have to. If the DJs want her, they can have her. She's a perfect storm of a hoe. Hoes are fun. Until they're not. What are you? A ghost. Why does she keep coming up? I don't know. I've had two dreams about her. She misses you. I could give a fuck. You could? IDGAFOS. Happy Birthday, Dillon Francis. But you won't tell him. His fandom will. I'm done inboxing people. These people live on beaches; I'm a grain of sand. So go find your beach. Viva Mexico. Probably so, huh? Probably. Left in a world without people, realizing she is completely alone, Punishment be ones Paradise, as she enjoys all her favorite places, without the pollution, population or politics in her way. The happiest she's ever been, she approaches EMPTY EDC, still perfectly intact with the gates wide open. She runs inside,losing her mind-- and then losing her enthusiasm entirely, realizing she cannot dance in silence, or operate any of the rides by herself (which, in one dimension higher, she uses the power of the mind to start manifesting all the things she needs,creating a perfect EDC) however, in the most limited dimension, where even manifestation can be fathomed, and no use of magic, she sadly strolls through the empty carnival--though, having found solace in the typically overpriced fashion and merchandice apparel, has ransacked the empty and abandoned shops, looking ridiculously ravey, looking like a 3D insomniac billboard, sparkling with Kandi and shining flashing lights. She approaches the front and center of the rail, her usual favorite, as she looks up at the decks of The BassPod. She just looks, as she sips an acai berry smoothie out of a collectible cup. Cree: You look like a fucked up cupcake. SupaCree: You look like a fucked up cupcake, ate a fucked up cupcake, and then put on a sweater. Cree: Hey man. Fat is Fat. I'm in Infinite Eternity: INFINITE EDC, BITCH. SupaCree: Oh yeah? You like being the fattest fat ass dancing fatass at the everlasting motherfucking fatty fattass fat... dance... Cree: Hmmyeahh--Hows it feel being the lastest-fast-having-last past life past-afterlife--flattest -ass-last-fan-of-DillonFrancis-random-dancing-at-the-lostest-awful-rotten-sauced-forgotten-boss-of-not-a-lot-of-bought-a-bag of -frazzled-skrillex-dicks-you-wish-you-licked-but-didnt-cause-they-wouldnt let you in the the artist tent if you farted in it, in -different-dimensions you were in INFINITE but now you're ISNT-ISNT-ISNT IS THE CLOSEST cause you're not a fucking DJ BITCH, YOURE JUST A WISHIN WASHED UP WISHING WELL YOU'RE STILL FAT!! PPL ALTER EGO I wanna look like her! —oh, that's a guy —well, still. For I am just a shadow of what I once was; And all of a fraction of what I would become, Were it not for love There you are. There I was. Oh, my God. How long was I gone? Long. I'm sorry. No, you're not. Oh shit, that sounds F.U.N… FUN!? FUCK YOU, NIGGA! Oh good, the Dolphin On Wheels is here. "THIS. IS. OWSLAAAAAAA" ARE YOU SERIOUS!? Serious as a Dillon Francis Bampheramph. What even IS that? You're looking at it. ________ NO PANTS! what?! (Takes off pants) HEY! NO PANTS, Dillon Francis! Have a banana. I don't wanna banana! I want pants! NO PANTS. gimmie your hat. (Leaves) It is. An Element. Can... I base... my survival solely on elements--is--the question. That is, actually--as it stands, what we were intended to do--I suppose. Elements. Alchemy. Alchemists. Ahhhh. Those. Ahhh. D-- Hmmm. Mmm. Okay. This is gonna take a long time to work out. What doesssss--- ...Hello… Aha-ahaha... ...What does Dillon Francis have to do with this? I don't know. *laughing in 4 different dimensions* I know, right? *snickers* Well, that's another drop in the Fuck-It Bucket Not that Bucket. [honks] Ahe, Hehehe I didn't-- Actually, I did know that-- I did know that-- I did know that I had two Fuck-It Buckets. I had forgotten... about all the buckets. Just like I almost about the Hellavator. How is that going, by the way. Oh what--the Hellevator--or the Party on the Hellevator? Or the scene...where Hanzel's on the...Hellevator with Dillon Francis? I-- *reacts in 4 different dimensions* Oh, wow. I know! It's gonna take forever. Forever's almost nothing compared to an eternity. Yeah--forever is almost nothing, compared to an eternity. *smacks lips* And then that, motherfucker… FUCK THAT MOTHERFUCKER! Fuck that motherfucker. *sirens sounding* YEP. *blasting magic* Yep. ...yep. This is why we don't need a wand, anymore--because--you see that? Yep. Well, -- you don't see it, Well I mean, that's just part of the joy--you just know. You don't have to see it, you just know. Oh, you mean like... [mimicks ******** ] ..Kinda like that… But…??? Gonna Hit that red dot and never stop What's that--the 4th dimension? Ah, the 4th dimension. The “r” word Yeah, yeah, yeah Like political correctness even matters. The only thing that matters is matter And why have I never been for a Joyride? Last thing I remember, I was having the time of my life... [rifling through things, as Dillon sits down at his desk—he puts on a pair of librarian-like frames, adjusting them to fit at the nose] You don't wear glasses. Uh, I do wear glasses, I am wearing glasses. I just never—you know—thought of you, like— Yeah, well—not all of us are known by our trademark frames. I detect a hint of bitterness. Oh, you can detect that? What device do you have that does that? …...my...senses. Heh, you look like Katey Sagal. I love her. Same. [rifling through papers, doing office things] What's taking so long, Peg? Well, Al, if you must know it's going to take me a minute to get into my ‘Skrillex', it's been awhile. How long's awhile. Hey—you came through my panoramic window demanding Skrillex. Tsh, like it's never happened before. (Or like it's always, never happening) What? Hey—who said that? So how long's this gonna take? I'm gonna need you to exercise patience—that is, if you're familiar with excersise. PATIENCE?! What the fuck is Patience?? Are you done yet? Patience—patience—it's like—it's almost like “patients, like what a doctor has— —oh don't even— *hands up* Not gonna even. … … … Did you— I told you it has been a minute. >>>< >>>>>>> >>>>< What kind of company do you think I keep?! In this installment, which follows Scary Monsters and SupaCree and crosses over into both DILLONCEPTION, and enter the multiverse. Having nearly abandoning the ideal of becoming a superstar DJ, a reality she had previously become certain of, but given up on after being led to believe the DJ world is one ruled by white supremacy, SUPACREE, going by “CC” and operating under the pen name CC stone crafts a somewhat plausible future in entertainment, still creating music under the moniker “Sunni Blu” or DJ U, still passionately attached to Djing, though as a hobby, rather than as a potential career. In a pseudo-suicidal depressive state, our protagonist explores all the infinite realms of her own creation, drifting into a lucid God-Dream in which all the dimensions of her writings exist, in each respective reality, sometimes crossing timelines from one “fictional” realm into another, as the writer struggles with her own self-confidence and self-actualization. We Open With A Blockbuster-Style Movie Trailer. Everyone Is At The Event, Where Everything Happened. She broke everything in my house. Everything? Ev-er-y-thing. Hah, I broke all of his stuff. All of it? Everything, dude. Hehe. All of it. No, Like--Literally, Everyone, Ever. What did you do to this girl? _ EXCEPT… I don't get it. She hates Dillon Francis. She does— hate Dillon Francis. So why would she go to this? [They enter simultaneously.] YOU! YOU! [They charge.] EH. [She-- CUT TO: Sunni Blu is writing a Movie. —- I don't get it, how do I write about magic? I don't know, just say what it looks like--- Cut To: Staring at Skrillex. [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “The World Builders” [Staring at Skrillex.] [It's...an anomaly.] Yeah, she's just been staring at it, I think for… Doesn't matter how long, dude--she's gonna get stuck in it. OF course she's gonna get stuck in it, she doesn't know who built it. ...who did this…? “Think about it; What would you do that would leave a profound effect on Skrillex. I've...been...trying to figure that out, maybe. Pi. Look, it's S U P A C R E E. Oh shit, these are DIRECTIONS. To WHERE, tho? Dude, I have something to tell you. What. It's bad. Why, what happened? It's... look, no one else can know about it, okay? Okay... Oh shit, she's a Trance artist now? Trance? I don't know how to make trance. This one time, I held my breath meditating to it, and I just-- Just what? —- That's it. It just ended. What? Yeaaauhh dude. I don't fuck with Skrillex. For a lot of reasons. … I think I might be a writer. Oh no. She's a writer. Oh, no. ___ Oh, NO. I am not touching that with a $10,000 dollar paycheck! $!0,000--what the fuck am I gonna go with $10,000? ($10,000 is the rich people equivalent of $10) Yo. Poor people will do just about anything for $10. What? No, they won't. Yes they will--hey--watch this. Hey! [guy looks] I'll give you $10 to hop across the street on 1 foot. D1- He just does it See. D2- Does it, gets hit by a bus. See. That guy died. For $10. D3- Does it, gets hit by a bus; but is S U P A C R E E and resurrects instantly, then comes back for vengeance, capturing 2 more. What, she has their souls? Hearts and Souls. Goddamn. (Literally) Well, I told you Jesus quit, right--? Yeah, he's...he left. Jesus is watching “The Movie” So you swim into a port that has a boat. A boat-- Then you get on the boat. Get on the boat. That boat is going to take you to another boat. Okay, another boat. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS ANOTHER BOAT. YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THE FIRST ONE HAD TO SINK, TO BOARD IT. Oh, yeah, well--duh. So then--on the second boat-- Well, it's more like a really big Ferry (It's a monstrous cruise ship) Yeah, that shit made groove cruise look like...what's the poor people equivalent of groove cruise? There is no “poor people equivalent” Well then--how do poor people rave on boats? They...don't. That doesn't seem fair. Yeah--where's the equality? There's no such thing as equality in poverty! Actually-- HAH. THEY CALL IT “GOD'S COUNTRY” I'm not taking responsibility for this. I didn't do this. “IN GOD WE TRUST” NO, that just means; the trust is empty. It's empty. This...this used to be a reservoir. It still is...a reservoir. Of water. Oh. It's a “Christian Nation?” Christian? What's a Christian? It's-- NO. Jesus, listen. NO. YOU LISTEN: FUCK. THAT. FUCKTHAT. Oh, he was mad. He was pretty mad. He still is, mad. He is, pretty mad. Dad, what happened? It doesn't matter, it just had to happen. Why did it ‘have' to happen? If you have even to ask; I don't have an answer. Ogh, dude. I know. It's almost time to go back to work. I know. Oh, my God. I know. How long have we been in this Void--it's so random. [The whole #SQUAD is on Watch.] Hm. What is this? [A look] Can I have some? [Another look.] I like it. I want it. [The Look.] I'mma try it out. OK. __ Ask Him! He knows! How to get to Skrillex? (still censored) Yes--you know. He knows. You know, right? I don't know. What? I--? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (It didn't happen.) Fuck. NO dude, I found it--I just don't remember how… Do you remember when? Ah, I remember my first Skrillex. I don't. Oh My God dude. Flip Flops? Yes, my feet are killing me. [Skrillex ]is in 10 minutes. Actually, 9. The Hotel is 7 minutes away.; The car is parked in Valet; If we leave now, we can make it back by the time it starts, I swear. You SWEAR? __ Ooh...Beyonce...I like her. We all like her. Give her something nice. Nice. Very nice. Very nice. What do you want her to dress as? Oh her? ...she can come as herself. [the next part] Yo FUCK the Met Gala; I'm going to THIS shit. What? You were invited? I want to be invited! How did you get an invite? ((Oh, you can't write that)) Damn right I won't. Lol, she had her dress as Beyonce. That's cold. She stole Umbrella! She stole it first! It wasn't even written for her--! It wasn't written for anybo-- Actually, it was written for ME. Oh yeah, huh. Why does this song have 32 writers on it? What the fuuuuckkk... What. We have [Skrillex.} Skrillex. How did you get a [Skrillex?] Just--[Skrillex.] “Just [Skrillex”?] The Original. Oh, shit. The Original [Skrillex.] Like, the first one? First one ever. Where the fuck is my [Skrillex?] I didn't take it. STFU “didn't take it”--Where the fuck is my [Skrillex?] Oh what--[Skrillex?] We have [Skrillex!] You do? Of course we do! It's paradise. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. If that man sits at a piano, I will pass out... Oh wow, he plays piano...hmm. I will faint. How did he DO this? This Volcano emits *this* frequency. Ah, try this-- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites. Oh. I know this one. Do you? Yeah! Bruh. I'm about to take a lot of drugs right now; I'm just calling to tell you that I love you. What happened? Nothing happened. I'm just like this now. What's that? Nothing! What is it? Nothing! It's [Skrillex], isn't it. I don't get how he DID this. Someone give this man an honorary doctorate. Think about it like this; if all this is happening to you, and you have-- --No Grammys-- --and he's got-- --Eight Grammys. Eight Grammys, really? Damn, what the fuck. I know, right? Right. So. If he has eight Grammys--and you have none-- --zero Grammys-- --and you're experiencing this right now-- Damn, what the fuck happened to him? [Over the phone] ...She shat in my Grammys. What! All Eight of Them? YES. I didn't shit in his Grammys. You didn't? NO! Well, that's good, because-- I hired other people to shit in his Grammys. What? Best $80 I ever spent. Why are we terrorizing [Skrillex?] He started it. He did start it. See, this is why I like him--he doesn't ask questions. What? You hired 8 different people to shit in his Grammys. Yeah! Dude, that is disgusting! Dude. You hired three different photographers to take professional photoshoots of my dick. Look; These were all done on location; we went to Catalina...it was kind of cold though-- WHAT THE FUCK. Dude, this is like 9 lawsuits. Well, actually, one of them is a Class Action, so that's actually like a dozen actual complaints rolled into one; I don't know why they do that. {SupaCree has arranged literally “many seats” for both Skrillex, and Dillon Francis.] {Sweet Brown's Monologue: Well, Sweetie, I'll tell you what; That's a tough way to go. I'll give you one more go at it; and She Stole All of our Music! All of it? NO! Just the HITS! (awws) ‘ATROCIOUS C' ? What the fuck is THIS? Hmmm Atrocious C and the-- Wait--what was it called again? Oh shit. Black Jack Black. That was it. Right? Yeah, that was the original joke, I think. You think? Yeah, I think--But then I remembered Atrocious C Wait, Atrocious C was a real thing? YEAH dude, it was my cover band in college. COVER BAND IN COLLEGE? YEP. Black Jack Black Black Jack. Oh no. Yep, he was there. Remember that $10,000 I gave you yesterday, and you said you didn't want it? Yeah… I need it back. No. What? You said you didn't want it! Yeah, then you made me take it anyway, so I spent it! Well, what'd you spend it on?! Dude, where are we going? If I knew, then it wouldn't be an adventure! Please, no [Skrillex.] PUMP THE SHIT. Dude, is that [Skrillex?] Go the other way. What? Why? TURN AROUND . Seriously, what was that? TURN AROUND. “Turn arouuund” She wrote the whole...movie. What the fuck is a “movie”? I should record this. “record” ? OK, FIRST OF ALL. [Skrillex] has Magic Powers. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTTHEFUCKUPPPPPP. Wow, 14 Pages. What...language is this... -It's In English -It's in [Skrillex.] YOU KNOW I CAN'T READ-- Ugh, yeah, I can translate this. It's alphanumeric.. You algebraic motherfucker. Damn. Is he still over there? Yeah. Goddamn. …. Goddamn. Hey. Uh. Come in. ...it's nice in here. It is. ...did you take out a wall? Window. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Where's Dillon? Oh, he's... chillin. {Dillon Francis is sleeping like a-- No dead baby jokes. I wasn't going to make a- [He's laid out, alright.] How long has he been sleeping like this? ...I don't know...awhile. How long's “awhile”? We've been trying to call him. I know. I have his phone… That explains the inspirational breakfast messages. What? I stopped getting mine! I found your preceding messages to be in bad taste. CUT TO: Everyone is laid out. She is going through their phones. Woah. This is a lot of tits. So many tits. Tits. Tits. Tits. Oh hey--look at these. Oh, I don't like that. What is that? CUT BACk: Oh, you saw that…? I saw that. And I deleted that. And I blocked your number. (shamefully) Oh. On everyone's devices. What the fuck. Permanently. Oh. Yeah...You should go, now. [Does] Dude, she has me carrier locked with every provider in the united states; I had to get a burner just to try to get through to all of my contacts everytime I try to make call it somehow gets intercepted. Hahah. he had to get a burner. Haaaah. wow , you really did it this time. Now I can listen to their calls. What? That's impossible-- NO IT ISN'T dude. I don't know how she's doing this--it's like every time I--HELLO? --What? Hello? Hello? Hm. Haaah, I disconnected them. Dude, what are you doing to these DJs? FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJs. FUCK THESE DJ'S. And that guy over there. Hey, who is that guy anyway? I don't know...he kind of looks familiar… Yeah, he does...I...I think I might have seen him perform once… Preform? Perform what? Music? … YEAH, HE DOES MUSIC! I REMEMBER. THIS GUY'S A DJ. ...I'm...not a DJ. HE'S A DJ. LETS GET HIM. What does he do? Who, that guy? [Skrillex.] I don't know. What's up, I'm “Not A DJ”--- YOu should probably be careful with it... Careful with it. Be careful with it, it's limited [Skrillex.] Limited [Skrillex.] Mmhmm. Lets get it. We probably shouldn't. Mm. I feel like we should Dude, it's limited. ___ Cosmo and Wanda are on their way to The Event Cosmo. What? You should probably stop drinking. Why? You're flying sideways. Alright. Try water. WATAAAAR!! __ Dude, how long have we been dead for? Dead for? Yeah, man. I don't know. Yeah, me neither. She didn't make it. Didn't make it? What do you mean, is she okay? No, I mean--she's dead… WHAT? That's not ok. I don't get it, what is she doing? This is just how she does it, shut up. Yeah, but what is she doing? [Skrillex!] He's here? He's here! I gotta go! Get gone! [Skrillex?!] Yuh! Fuhck! If he's here, then i'm already late. Late for what? Pretty much anything, you name it. His...Name...Is… DON'T SAY ITl DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! He's been sleeping for...several days. [Still Staring At The Sky} Who DID this!? Explain it to me! Explain it to you? I can't explain to you! Are you seeing this? I'm in it! Everything's in it! __ Bruh. I know, dude. A little man climbed out of my sub this morning, and I'm just saying---I don't know if I can take it. I don't know how I'd take that, either. I can't take it. There's just one thing you should know: What? When the bass drops, so do we. DROP. What did you do with Dillon Francis? SUPACREE I don't know. I can't remember. MORGAN You “don't remember.” DILLON'S ASSISTANT What did you do with that bitch?! DILLON FRANCIS I don't know! I don't remember! DILLON'S ASSISTANT You “don't remember?” [Noone remembers.] Deadmau5: I remember. Deadmau5 Remembers Everything. This is why he is “like that.” WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REMEMBER. So wait--Deadmau5 knows the entire story? well , yeah. Wait, which story? All of them. What the fuck! ___ SUPACREE Happy Birthday! (he is canadian, so he is morbidly polite) JOEL/DEADMAU5 Thanks. SUPACREE You're welcome. JOEL/DEADMAU5 K. SUPACREE So. BOTH YAH! [they both draw their rave weapons] JOEL/DEADMAU5 WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU?! SUPACREE I AM IN “THE FUCK” YOU'RE “THE FUCK”, YOU DICK. Here's your gift. [She tosses it.] JOEL/DEADMAU5 (he opens the box, unseen from the view of the audience) Oh, Gosh--this is... actually exactly what I wanted. SUPACREE I know dude. JOEL/DEADMAU5 UH-WHO ARE YOU? SUPACREE I'm YO(U) . [They do not battle. He just accepts it.] ___ Have you seen this rock? It's...not a rock, it's… Well, have you seen it? Yeah I've seen it. It's pretty sick. Yeah… (Delirious) Oh My God--A Tiny Man...with a tiny scythe…. I am not a man. PRINCE: I'M NOT A WOMAN. ---he changed his name to a symbol. PRINCE: I'M NOT A MAN. “is [_____________]” a boy or girl PRINCE: I AM SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. DILLON FRANCIS Oh, Jesus Christ. JESUS CHRIST What dude. What the fuck do you want? What? DILLON FRANCIS Wait, you're...Jesus----Jesus-Jesus??? JESUS CHRIST If you insist on still calling me that, I told you ages ago... DILLON FRANCIS (to himself) ...that makes so much sense…Jesus… JESUS CHRIST Hm? … Hey wait--are you still--sleeping--kind of? … *wakes instantly* Sleeping? Who's sleeping? I'm not sleeping! Chel. HUH. [they squint at each other suspiciously] GERALD WHO'S THE PINATA NOW, BITCH?! SUPACREE Oh, my God, Gerald! Get a hold of yourself!!! DILLON FRANCIS WHAT HAVE I DONE!? GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? CHAK CHEL Dillon--What have you done. SUPACREE WHAT--DID YOU--DO. DILLON FRANCIS Just...Voodoo. GOD VOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (She's mad.) ((Oh, she's so mad)) (((Mad, what's that?))) ___ Bruh. She bleached my asshole. What! Yeah. And then tie dyed it. Trending: Rainbow Taint. Bro. How did you even find out about that? [-creative ways you might find out, your junk has been permanently altered.] What, it's PERMANENT. Dude, how Am I supposed to explain my LITERALLY Blue Balls? >RAVE> --I”M BLUE DA BA DE, DA BU DI__ I thought it was “Da BU Di--Do-Bu-DI” THE BEATLES Obblah-di, Oh Blah-da; Life goes on, brah-- La-Da-Da-Da-Life goes on. I don't know. I might be a writer. She's a writer. She's a writer! Oh No! She's a rider. Oh, that's robust. ___ MORGAN Oh My God--It was that big? (Nods) PAGE You'd never know. SUPACREE ...I knew it... MORGAN What did you do with it? SUPACREE I just wrapped it around my leg and tucked it into my sock, most the time. MORGAN Oh, wow. SUPACREE Yeah. I had to layer, the tube socks. MORGAN That's--wow. PAGE Yeah. I mean. When you're right, you're right. MORGAN You're right. SUPACREE I just get confused about it when I see him in shorts now. [SKRILLEX in shorts.] (She cocks her head to the side and squints, staring very suspiciously) (Later) We find that -- Woah. What. This is ridiculous. It is. [Skrillex] is Ridiculous. It is. So wait. This dudes dick. Oh my God. Is so long-- –right He just opens up a portal to another dimension, so he has some place to put it while he's doing business-- __ What is this. __ --So it doesn't get in the way. Lol. Pocket Portal. Why did you DO this? Who did this? ___ SIR. SKRILLEX STOP CALLING ME THAT. SIr, it was “not enough.” What? ___ I don't get it, so he's like a psychic? [Skrillex] is a psychic. Mm. No. No, he isn't. Uh, yes he is. No, he's not. He's just from the future, so he knows what's in it. Oh. Which future? All of them. Wait, which human era? ... Oh, I've seen the movie. How could you see the movie, it doesn't exist yet? Oh. It exists. What? It does? Yes. And It is fucked up. Like, in a good way? just FUCKED UP. Bruh. I went to go see [Skrillex] last night. Oh shit. How was it? IT WAS FUCKED UP Like, in a good way? JUST-- I JUST-- I JUST, ADJUST. There. There it is. Adjust. I don't see anything. Veer Weest. There! There! Right! There! *gasps* Wait, I think I see it. I see something. Wait. Is that. Adjust. *gasp* it's moving. It is moving, It appears to be moving. ___ I can't just leave it, they'll find it--I have to keep moving it. You can't keep moving it--the planet can't handle it. There are still humans on it! I know there are still humans on it, that's where I left them; but I can't just put it back, and I can't just leave it out here for the Inter--Galactic-- Interdimensional-- Whatever! I'm not just gonna leave it here for some aliens to turn into a trash planet.It's not a trash planet. (It's, basically a trash planet) It's a trash planet. Okay, well--it's my trash planet! And. I already annihilated--or, am in the current process of--annihilating all the evil soulless demon people-things. All the Bad Things. It has a lot of badness. Yes, but recently less badness. Kind of. And also less water. Everyone's thirsty now. But...I mean, we always were, kind of. Especially in LA. What is your process? This is it. Look. Look,This planet-- Trash Planet-- Trash--Look. Its full of primitive species-- OKay-- And also, other things that shouldn't be there. Alright. And it's almost dead. Or dying. Or...dead already. It's dead. It's a dead trash-planet. But I can't let anything [else] happen to it. CHINESE WOMAN --AND DEN-- You caused an entire apocalypse. Well, they called me fat, so. Well great; What are you going to do with your dead post apocalyptic trash planet? You can't keep expanding everlasting galaxies just so you can stuff this piece of crap planet into voids. Aha-Ha. IT'S FUCKIN--AHA-- W-Wait. Where did it go? Where did he go? Where did she go? How did I get here? How DID she get there? I've been looking for you everywhere! That sucks… Where were you? Nowhere. Like, the only place I didn't check! It was the first place I checked. You checked? Yes. He wasn't there. He's not in there. He's not on the lineup. [pause] I know how to get her here. ___ DUDE ___Dude, I don't know how you did this! How did you DO this? SKRILLEX/SUPACREE Look, it's a long story. DUDE Well make it a short one. SKRILLEX/SUPACREE *sighs* Look. I was jumping up and down, during my set, like usual--okay. OKay. SKRILLEX/SUPACREE So I….dropped the bass, and then… CHINESE WOMAN AND DEN? DUDE —And then? SKRILLEX/SUPACREE And then…(looks off, into the distance, for a moment) I went up, the bass went down; My dick went sideways, and forward-- DUDE --sideways and forward, at the same time-- SKRILLEX/SUPACREE >>>Yes. It was a lot. ___ Yo. What's his power. I don't know. I know you know. Everybody knows you know. What's his power. Ask him. Dude, I know you know it; Just tell me. “Macbook Bro” It's Apples Take on Music Production. Yo dude, these are flying off the shelves. ___ Dude. I jus' joined the mile high club. No way. Yes way. With who? Myself. Nice. It was great. __ So you're telling me-- I'm telling you--what I was told-- That they put him on a helicopter in the middle of the desert-- ---Black Rock City-- Whatever--Burning man--middle of the desert-- _-Yeah-- --Right. And then flew him to-- --”an undisclosed location”-- --okay-- ___ To her surprise, some big-time hollywood producers have taken an interest in her script,; Because she has no formal work experience in the industry, she is being “coached” by seasoned industry professionals as the Film Goes into Pre-Production Okay, I actually just had a few questions about the script… Go ahead, I was wondering about this scene with [Skrillex.] [...Skrillex?] What [Skrillex?] It's...pages… No. It isn't. There's no [Skrillex.] He is introduced as a character in Act... No, [Skrillex ]isn't in this. He...is...I'm...looking right at it. What page? Pages 45, thru… [C.C. (a.k.a. ‘Stone' omits page 45 from all of her written works.] “45” Yeah. There's no...come here. What. Come over here. Let me s

Episode Notes Episode summary Margaret talks with Elle an anarchist and security professional about different threat modeling approaches and analyzing different kinds of threats. They explore physical threats, digital security, communications, surveillance,and general OpSec mentalities for how to navigate the panopticon and do stuff in the world without people knowing about it...if you're in Czarist Russia of course. Guest Info Elle can be found on twitter @ellearmageddon. Host and Publisher The host Margaret Killjoy can be found on twitter @magpiekilljoy or instagram at @margaretkilljoy. This show is published by Strangers in A Tangled Wilderness. We can be found at www.tangledwilderness.org, or on Twitter @TangledWild and Instagram @Tangled_Wilderness. You can support the show on Patreon at www.patreon.com/strangersinatangledwilderness. Show Links Transcript Live Like the World is Dying: Elle on Threat Modeling Margaret 00:15 Hello, and welcome to Live Like The World Is Dying, your podcast for what feels like the end times. I'm your host, Margaret killjoy. And with me at the exact moment is my dog, who has just jumped up to try and talk into the microphone and bite my arm. And, I use 'she' and 'they' pronouns. And this week, I'm going to be talking to my friend Elle, who is a, an anarchist security professional. And we're going to be talking about threat modeling. And we're going to be talking about how to figure out what people are trying to do to you and who's trying to do it and how to deal with different people trying to do different things. Like, what is the threat model around the fact that while I'm trying to record a podcast, my dog is biting my arm? And I am currently choosing to respond by trying to play it for humor and leaving it in rather than cutting it out and re recording. This podcast is a proud member of the Channel Zero network of anarchists podcasts. And here's a jingle from another show on the network. Jingle Margaret 02:00 Okay, if you could introduce yourself, I guess, with your name and your pronouns, and then maybe what you do as relates to the stuff that we're going to be talking about today. Elle 02:10 Yeah, cool. Hi, I'm Elle. My pronouns are they/them. I am a queer, autistic, anarchist security practitioner. I do security for a living now that I've spent over the last decade, working with activist groups and NGOs, just kind of anybody who's got an interesting threat model to help them figure out what they can do to make themselves a little a little safer and a little more secure. Margaret 02:43 So that word threat model. That's actually kind of what I want to have you on today to talk about is, it's this word that we we hear a lot, and sometimes we throw into sentences when we want to sound really smart, or maybe I do that. But what does it mean, what is threat modeling? And why is it relevant? Elle 03:02 Yeah, I actually, I really love that question. Because I think that we a lot of people do use the term threat modeling without really knowing what they mean by it. And so to me, threat modeling is having an understanding of your own life in your own context, and who poses a realistic risk to you, and what you can do to keep yourself safe from them. So whether that's, you know, protecting communications that you have from, you know, state surveillance, or whether it's keeping yourself safe from an abusive ex, your threat model is going to vary based on your own life experiences and what you need to protect yourself from and who those people actually are and what they're capable of doing. Margaret 03:52 Are you trying to say there's not like one solution to all problems that we would just apply? Elle 03:58 You know, I love... Margaret 03:58 I don't understand. Elle 04:00 I know that everybody really, really loves the phrase "Use signal. Use TOR," and you know, thinks that that is the solution to all of life's problems. But it actually turns out that, no, you do have to have both an idea of what it is that you're trying to protect, whether it's yourself or something like your communications and who you're trying to protect it from, and how they can how they can actually start working towards gaining access to whatever it is that you're trying to defend. Margaret 04:31 One of the things that when I think about threat modeling that I think about is this idea of...because the levels of security that you take for something often limit your ability to accomplish different things. Like in Dungeons and Dragons, if you were plate armor, you're less able to be a dexterous rogue and stealth around. And so I think about threat modeling, maybe as like learning to balance....I'm kind of asking this, am I correct in this? Balancing what you're trying to accomplish with who's trying to stop you? Because like, you could just use TOR, for everything. And then also like use links the little like Lynx [misspoke "Tails"] USB keychain and never use a regular computer and never communicate with anyone and then never accomplish anything. But, it seems like that might not work. Elle 05:17 Yeah, I mean, the idea, the idea is to prevent whoever your adversaries are from keeping you from doing whatever you're trying to accomplish. Right? So if the security precautions that you're taking to prevent your adversaries from preventing you from doing a thing are also preventing you from doing the thing, then it doesn't matter, because your adversaries have just won, right? So there, there definitely is a need, you know, to be aware of risks that you're taking and decide which ones make sense, which ones don't make sense. And kind of look at it from from a dynamic of "Okay, is this something that is in my, you know, acceptable risk model? Is this a risk I'm willing to take? Are there things that I can do to, you know, do harm reduction and minimize the risk? Or at least like, make it less? Where are those trade offs? What, what is the maximum amount of safety or security that I can do for myself, while still achieving whatever it is that I'm trying to achieve?" Margaret 06:26 Do you actually ever like, chart it out on like, an X,Y axis where you get like, this is the point where you start getting diminishing returns? I'm just imagining it. I've never done that. Elle 06:37 In, in the abstract, yes, because that's part of how autism brain works for me. But in a, like actually taking pen to paper context, not really. But that's, you know, at least partially, because of that's something that autism brain just does for me. So I think it could actually be a super reasonable thing to do, for people whose brains don't auto filter that for them. But but I'm, I guess, lucky enough to be neurodivergent, and have like, you know, like, we always we joke in tech, "It's not a bug, it's a feature." And I feel like, you know, autism is kind of both sometimes. In some cases, it's totally a bug and and others, it's absolutely a feature. And this is one of the areas where it happens to be a feature, at least for me. Margaret 07:35 That makes sense. I, I kind of view my ADHD as a feature, in that, it allows me to hyper focus on topics and then move on and then not come back to them. Or also, which is what I do now for work with podcasting, and a lot of my writing. It makes it hard to write long books, I gotta admit, Elle 07:56 Yeah, I work with a bunch of people with varying neuro types. And it's really interesting, like, at least at least in my own team, I think that you know, the, the folks who are more towards the autism spectrum disorder side of of the house are more focused on things like application security, and kind of things that require sort of sustained hyper focus. And then folks with ADHD make just absolutely amazing, like incident responders and do really, really well in interrupt driven are interrupts heavy contexts, Margaret 08:38 Or sprinters. Elle 08:40 It's wild to me, because I'm just like, yes, this makes perfect sense. And obviously, like, these different tasks are better suited to different neuro types. But I've also never worked with a manager who actually thought about things in that way before. Margaret 08:53 Right. Elle 08:54 And so it's actually kind of cool to be to be in a position where I can be like, "Hey, like, Does this sound interesting to you? Would you rather focus on this kind of work?" And kind of get that that with people. Margaret 09:06 That makes sense that's.... i I'm glad that you're able to do that. I'm glad that people that you work with are able to have that you know, experience because it is it's hard to it's hard to work within....obviously the topic of today is...to working in the workplace is a neurodivergent person, but it I mean it affects so many of us you know, like almost whatever you do for work the the different ways your brain work are always struggling against it. So. Elle 09:32 Yeah, I don't know. It just it makes sense to me to like do your best to structure your life in a way that is more conducive to your neurotype. Margaret 09:44 Yeah. Elle 09:45 You know, if you can. Margaret 09:49 I don't even realize exactly how age ADHD I was until I tried to work within a normal workforce. I built my entire life around, not needing to live in one place or do one thing for sustained periods of time. But okay, but back to the threat modeling. Margaret 10:07 The first time I heard of, I don't know if it's the first time I heard a threat modeling or not, I don't actually know when I first started hearing that word. But the first time I heard about you, in the context of it was a couple years back, you had some kind of maybe it was tweets or something about how people were assuming that they should use, for example, the more activist focused email service Rise Up, versus whether they should just use Gmail. And I believe that you were making the case that for a lot of things, Gmail would actually be safer, because even though they don't care about you, they have a lot more resources to throw at the problem of keeping governments from reading their emails. That might be a terrible paraphrasing of what you said. But this, this is how I was introduced to this concept of threat modeling. If you wanted to talk about that example, and tell me how I got it all wrong. Elle 10:07 Yeah. Elle 10:58 Yeah. Um, so you didn't actually get it all wrong. And I think that the thing that I would add to that is that if you are engaging in some form of hypersensitive communication, email is not the mechanism that you want to do that. And so when I say things like, "Oh, you know, it probably actually makes sense to use Gmail instead of Rise Up," I mean, you know, contexts where you're maybe communicating with a lawyer and your communications are privileged, right?it's a lot harder to crack Gmail security than it is to crack something like Rise Up security, just by virtue of the volume of resources available to each of those organizations. And so where you specifically have this case where, you know, there's, there's some degree of legal protection for whatever that means, making sure that you're not leveraging something where your communications can be accessed without your knowledge or consent by a third party, and then used in a way that is conducive to parallel construction. Margaret 12:19 So what is parallel construction? Elle 12:20 Parallel construction is a legal term where you obtain information in a way that is not admissible in court, and then use that information to reconstruct a timeline or reconstruct a mechanism of access to get to that information in an admissible way. Margaret 12:39 So like every cop show Elle 12:41 Right, so like, with parallel construction around emails, for example, if you're emailing back and forth with your lawyer, and your lawyer is like, "Alright, like, be straight with me. Because I need to know if you've actually done this crime so that I can understand how best to defend you." And you're like, "Yeah, dude, I totally did that crime," which you should never admit to in writing anyway, because, again, email is not the format that you want to have this conversation in. But like, if you're gonna admit to having done crimes in email, for some reason, how easy it is for someone else to access that admission is important. Because if somebody can access this email admission of you having done the crimes where you're, you know, describing in detail, what crimes you did, when with who, then it starts, like, it gets a lot easier to be like, "Oh, well, obviously, we need to subpoena this person's phone records. And we should see, you know, we should use geolocation tracking of their device to figure out who they were in proximity to and who else was involved in this," and it can, it can be really easy to like, establish a timeline and get kind of the roadmap to all of the evidence that they would need to, to put you in jail. So it's, it's probably worth kind of thinking about how easy it is to access that that information. And again, don't don't admit to doing crimes in email, email is not the format that you want to use for admitting to having done crimes. But if you're going to, it's probably worth making sure that, you know, the the email providers that you are choosing are equipped with both robust security controls, and probably also like a really good legal team. Right? So if...like Rise Up isn't going to comply with the subpoena to the like, to the best of their ability, they're not going to do that, but it's a lot easier to sue Rise Up than it is to sue Google. Margaret 14:51 Right. Elle 14:51 And it's a lot easier to to break Rise Up's security mechanisms than it is to break Google's, just by virtue of how much time and effort each of those entities is able to commit to securing email. Please don't commit to doing crimes in email, just please just don't. Don't do it in writing. Don't do it. Margaret 15:15 Okay, let me change my evening plans. Hold on let me finish sending this email.. Elle 15:23 No! Margaret 15:25 Well, I mean, I guess like the one of the reasons that I thought so much about that example, and why it kind of stuck with me years later was just thinking about what people decide they're safe, because they did some basic security stuff. And I don't know if that counts under threat modeling. But it's like something I think about a lot is about people being like, "I don't understand, we left our cell phones at home and went on a walk in the woods," which is one of the safest ways anyone could possibly have a conversation. "How could anyone possibly have known this thing?" And I'm like, wait, you, you told someone you know, or like, like, not to make people more paranoid, but like... Elle 16:06 Or maybe, maybe you left your cell phone at home, but kept your smartwatch on you, because you wanted to close, you know, you wanted to get your steps for the day while you were having this conversation, right? Margaret 16:19 Because otherwise, does it even count if I'm not wearing my [smartwatch]. Elle 16:21 Right, exactly. And like, we joke, and we laugh, but like, it is actually something that people don't think about. And like, maybe you left your phones at home, and you went for a walk in the woods, but you took public transit together to get there and were captured on a bunch of surveillance cameras. Like there's, there's a lot of, especially if you've actually been targeted for surveillance, which is very rare, because it's very resource intensive. But you know, there there are alternate ways to track people. And it does depend on things like whether or not you've got additional tech on you, whether or not you were captured on cameras. And you know, whether whether or not your voices were picked up by ShotSpotter, as you were walking to wherever the woods were like, there's just there's we live in a panopticon. I don't say that so that people are paranoid about it, I say it because it's a lot easier to think about, where, when and how you want to phrase things. Margaret 17:27 Yeah. Elle 17:28 In a way that you know, still facilitates communications still facilitates achieving whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish, but sets you sets you up to be as safe as possible in doing it. And I think that especially in anarchist circles, just... and honestly also in security circles, there's a lot of of like, dogmatic adherence to security ritual, that may or may not actually make sense based on both, you, who your actual adversaries are, and what their realistic capabilities are. Margaret 18:06 And what they're trying to actually accomplish I feel like is...Okay, one of the threat models that I like...I encourage people sometimes to carry firearms, right in very specific contexts. And it feels like a security... Oh, you had a good word for it that you just used...ritual of security theater, I don't remember...a firearm often feels like that, Elle 18:30 Right. Margaret 18:31 In a way where you're like," Oh, I'm safe now, right, because I'm carrying a firearm." And, for example, I didn't carry a firearm for a very long time. Because for a long time, my threat model, the people who messed with me, were cops. And if a cop is going to mess with me, I do not want to have a firearm on me, because it will potentially escalate a situation in a very bad way. Whereas when I came out and started, you know, when I started getting harassed more for being a scary transwoman, and less for being an anarchist, or a hitchhiker, or whatever, you know, now my threat model is transphobes, who wants to do me harm. And in a civilian-civilian context, I prefer I feel safer. And I believe I am safer in most situations armed in that case. But every time I leave the house, I have to think about "What is my threat model?" And then in a similar way, sorry, it's just me thinking about the threat model of firearms, but it's the main example that I think of, is that often people's threat model in terms of firearms and safety as themselves, right? And so you just actually need to do the soul searching where you're like,"What's more likely to happen to me today? Am I likely to get really sad, or am I likely to get attacked by fascists?" Elle 19:57 Yeah. And I think that there is there's an additional question, especially when you're talking about arming yourself, whether it's firearms, or carrying a knife, or whatever, because like, I don't own any firearms, but I do carry a knife a lot of the time. And so like some questions, some additional questions that you have to ask yourself are, "How confident am I in my own ability to use this to harm another person?" Because if you're going to hesitate, you're gonna get fucked up. Margaret 20:28 Yeah. Elle 20:28 Like, if you are carrying a weapon, and you pull it out and hesitate in using it, it's gonna get taken away from you, and it's going to be used against you. So that's actually one of the biggest questions that I would say people should be asking themselves when developing a threat model around arming themselves is, "Will I actually use this? How confident am I?" if you're not confident, then it's okay to leave it at home. It's okay to practice more. It's okay to like develop that familiarity before you start using it as an EDC. Sorry an Every Day Carry. And then the you know, the other question is, "How likely am I to get arrested here?" I carry, I carry a knife that I absolutely do know how to use most of the time when I leave the house. But when I'm going to go to a demonstration, because the way that I usually engage in protests or in demonstrations is in an emergency medical response capacity, I carry a medic kit instead. And my medic kit is a clean bag that does not have any sharp objects in it. It doesn't have anything that you know could be construed as a weapon it doesn't have...it doesn't...I don't even have weed gummies which are totally like recreationally legal here, right? I won't even put weed in the medic kit. It's it is very much a... Margaret 21:52 Well, if you got a federally arrested you'd be in trouble with that maybe. Elle 21:55 Yeah, sure, I guess. But, like the medic bag is very...nothing goes in this kit ever that I wouldn't want to get arrested carrying. And so there's like EMT shears in there. Margaret 22:12 Right. Elle 22:13 But that's that's it in terms of like... Margaret 22:16 Those are scary you know...the blunted tips. Elle 22:21 I know, the blunted tips and the like safety, whatever on them. It's just...it's it is something to think about is "Where am I going...What...Who am I likely to encounter? And like what are the trade offs here?" Margaret 22:37 I remember once going to a demonstration a very long time ago where our like, big plan was to get in through all of the crazy militarized downtown in this one city and, and the big plan is we're gonna set up a Food Not Bombs inside the security line of the police, you know. And so we picked one person, I think I was the sacrificial person, who had to carry a knife, because we had to get the folding tables that we're gonna put the food on off of the top of the minivan. And we had to do it very quickly, and they were tied on. And so I think I brought the knife and then left it in the car and the car sped off. And then we fed people and they had spent ten million dollars protecting the city from 30 people feeding people Food Not Bombs. Elle 23:20 Amazing. Margaret 23:22 But, but yeah, I mean, whereas every other day in my life, especially back then when I was a hitchhiker, I absolutely carried a knife. Elle 23:30 Yeah. Margaret 23:31 You know, for multiple purposes. Yeah, okay, so then it feels like...I like rooting it in the self defense stuff because I think about that a lot and for me it maybe then makes sense to sort of build up and out from there as to say like...you know, if someone's threat model is my ex-partner's new partner is trying to hack me or my abusive ex is trying to hack me or something, that's just such a different threat model than... Elle 24:04 Yeah, it is. Margaret 24:05 Than the local police are trying to get me versus the federal police are trying to get me versus a foreign country is trying to get me you know, and I and it feels like sometimes those things are like contradictory to each other about what isn't isn't the best maybe. Elle 24:19 They are, because each of those each of those entities is going to have different mechanisms for getting to you and so you know, an abusive partner or abusive ex is more likely to have physical access to you, and your devices, than you know, a foreign entity is, right? Because there's there's proximity to think about, and so you know, you might want to have....Actually the....Okay, so the abusive ex versus the cops, right. A lot of us now have have phones where the mechanism for accessing them is either a password, or some kind of biometric identifier. So like a fingerprint, or you know, face ID or whatever. And there's this very dogmatic adherence to "Oh, well, passwords are better." But passwords might actually not be better. Because if somebody has regular proximity to you, they may be able to watch you enter your password and get enough information to guess it. And if you're, if you're not using a biometric identifier, in those use cases, then what can happen is they can guess your password, or watch, you type it in enough time so that they get a good feeling for what it is. And they can then access your phone without your knowledge while you're sleeping. Right? Margaret 25:46 Right. Elle 25:47 And sometimes just knowing whether or not your your adversary has access to your phone is actually a really useful thing. Because you know how much information they do or don't have. Margaret 26:01 Yeah. No that's... Elle 26:03 And so it really is just about about trade offs and harm reduction. Margaret 26:08 That never would have occurred to me before. I mean, it would occur to me if someone's trying to break into my devices, but I have also fallen into the all Biometrics is bad, right? Because it's the password, you can't change because the police can compel you to open things with biometrics, but they can't necessarily compel you...is more complicated to be compelled to enter a password. Elle 26:31 I mean, like, it's only as complicated as a baton. Margaret 26:34 Yeah, there's that XKCD comic about this. Have you seen it? Elle 26:37 Yes. Yes, I have. And it is it is an accurate....We like in security, we call it you know, the Rubber Hose method, right? It we.... Margaret 26:46 The implication here for anyone hasn't read it is that they can beat you up and get you to give them their [password]. Elle 26:50 Right people, people will usually if they're hit enough times give up their password. So you know, I would say yeah, you should disable biometric locks, if you're going to go out to a demonstration, right? Which is something that I do. I actually do disable face ID if I'm taking my phone to a demo. But it...you may want to use it as your everyday mechanism, especially if you're living in a situation where knowing whether or not your abuser has access to your device is likely to make a difference in whether you have enough time to escape. Margaret 27:30 Right. These axioms or these these beliefs we all have about this as the way to do security,the you know...I mean, it's funny, because you brought up earlier like use Signal use Tor, I am a big advocate of like, I just use Signal for all my communication, but I also don't talk about crime pretty much it in general anyway. You know. So it's more like just like bonus that it can't be read. I don't know. Elle 27:57 Yeah. I mean, again, it depends, right? Because Signal...Signal has gotten way more usable. I've been, I've been using Signal for a decade, you know, since it was still Redphone and TextSecure. And in the early days, I used to joke that it was so secure, sometimes your intended recipients don't even get the messages. Margaret 28:21 That's how I feel about GPG or PGP or whatever the fuck. Elle 28:24 Oh, those those.... Margaret 28:27 Sorry, didn't mean to derail you. Elle 28:27 Let's not even get started there. But so like Signal again, has gotten much better, and is way more reliable in terms of delivery than it used to be. But I used to, I used to say like, "Hey, if it's if it's really, really critical that your message reach your recipient, Signal actually might not be the way to do it." Because if you need if you if you're trying to send a time sensitive message with you know guarantee that it actually gets received, because Signal used to be, you know, kind of sketchy on or unreliable on on delivery, it might not have been the best choice at the time. One of the other things that I think that people, you know, think...don't think about necessarily is that Signal is still widely viewed as a specific security tool. And that's, that's good in a lot of cases. But if you live somewhere, for example, like Belarus, where it's not generally considered legal to encrypt things, then the presence of Signal on your device is enough in and of itself to get you thrown in prison. Margaret 29:53 Right. Elle 29:53 And so sometimes having a mechanism like, you know, Facebook secret messages might seem like a really, really sketchy thing to do. But if your threat model is you can't have security tools on your phone, but you still want to be able to send encrypted messages or ephemeral messages, then that actually might be the best way to kind of fly under the radar. So yeah, it again just really comes down to thinking about what it is that you're trying to protect? From who? And under what circumstances? Margaret 30:32 Yeah, I know, I like this. I mean, obviously, of course, you've thought about this thing that you think about. I'm like, I'm just like, kind of like, blown away thinking about these things. Although, okay, one of these, like security things that I kind of want to push back on, and actually, this is a little bit sketchy to push back on, the knife thing. To go back to a knife. I am. I have talked to a lot of people who have gotten themselves out of very bad situations by drawing a weapon without then using it, which is illegal. It is totally illegal. Elle 31:03 Yes Margaret 31:03 I would never advocate that anyone threaten anyone with a weapon. But, I know people who have committed this crime in order to...even I mean, sometimes it's in situations where it'd be legal to stab somebody,like... Elle 31:16 Sure. Margaret 31:16 One of the strangest laws in the United States is that, theoretically, if I fear for my life, I can draw a gun.... And not if I fear for my life, if I am, if my life is literally being threatened, physically, if I'm being attacked, I can I can legally draw a firearm and shoot someone, I can legally pull a knife and stab someone to defend myself. I cannot pull a gun and say "Back the fuck off." And not only is it illegal, but it also is a security axiom, I guess that you would never want to do that. Because as you pointed out, if you hesitate now the person has the advantage, they have more information than they used to. But I still know a lot of hitchhikers who have gotten out of really bad situations by saying, "Let me the fuck out of the car." Elle 32:05 Sure. Margaret 32:06 Ya know?. Elle 32:06 Absolutely. It's not....Sometimes escalating tactically can be a de-escalation. Right? Margaret 32:17 Right. Elle 32:18 Sometimes pulling out a weapon or revealing that you have one is enough to make you no longer worth attacking. But you never know how someone's going to respond when you do that, right? Margaret 32:33 Totally Elle 32:33 So you never know whether it's going to cause them to go "Oh shit, I don't want to get stabbed or I don't want to get shot," and stop or whether it's going to trigger you know a more aggressive response. So it doesn't mean that you know, you, if you pull a weapon you have to use it. Margaret 32:52 Right. Elle 32:53 But if you're going to carry one then you do need to be confident that you will use it. Margaret 32:58 No, that that I do agree with that. Absolutely. Elle 33:00 And I think that is an important distinction, and I you know I also think that...not 'I think', using a gun and using a knife are two very different things. For a lot of people, pulling the trigger on a gun is going to be easier than stabbing someone. Margaret 33:20 Yeah that's true. Elle 33:21 Because of the proximity to the person and because of how deeply personal stabbing someone actually is versus how detached you can be and still pull the trigger. Margaret 33:35 Yeah. Elle 33:36 Like I would...it sounds...it feels weird to say but I would actually advocate most people carry a gun instead of a knife for that reason, and also because if you're, if you're worried about being physically attacked, you know you have more range of distance where you can use something like a gun than you do with a knife. You have to be, you have to be in close quarters to to effectively use a knife unless you're like really good at throwing them for some reason and even I wouldn't, cause if you miss...now your adversary has a knife. Margaret 34:14 I know yeah. Unless you miss by a lot. I mean actually I guess if you hit they have a knife now too. Elle 34:22 True. Margaret 34:23 I have never really considered whether or not throwing knives are effective self-defense weapons and I don't want to opine too hard on this show. Elle 34:31 I advise against it. Margaret 34:32 Yeah. Okay, so to go back to threat modeling about more operational security type stuff. You're clearly not saying these are best practices, but you're instead it seems like you're advocating of "This as the means by which you might determine your best practices." Elle 34:49 Yes. Margaret 34:49 Do you have a...do you have a a tool or do you have like a like, "Hey, here's some steps you can take." I mean, we all know you've said like, "Think about your enemy," and such like that, but Is there a more...Can you can you walk me through that? Elle 35:04 I mean, like, gosh, it really depends on who your adversary is, right? Elle 35:10 Like, if you're if you're thinking about an abusive partner, that's obviously going to vary based on things like, you know, is your abusive partner, someone who has access to weapons? Are they someone who is really tech savvy? Or are they not. At...The things that you have to think about are going to just depend on the skills and tools that they have access to? Is your abusive partner or your abusive ex a cop? Because that changes some things. Margaret 35:10 Yeah, fair enough. Margaret 35:20 Yeah. Elle 35:27 So like, most people, if they actually have a real and present kind of persistent threat in their life, also have a pretty good idea of what that threat is capable of, or what that threat actor or is capable of. And so it, it's it, I think, it winds up being fairly easy to start thinking about things in terms of like, "Okay, how is this person going to come after me? How, what, what tools do they have? What skills do they have? What ability do they have to kind of attack me or harm me?" But I think that, you know, as we start getting away from that really, really, personal threat model of like the intimate partner violence threat model, for example, and start thinking about more abstract threat models, like "I'm an anarchist living in a state," because no state is particularly fond of us. Margaret 36:50 Whaaaat?! Elle 36:51 I know it's wild, because like, you know, we just want to abolish the State and States, like want to not be abolished, and I just don't understand how, how they would dislike us for any reason.. Margaret 37:03 Yeah, it's like when I meet someone new, and I'm like, "Hey, have you ever thought about being abolished?" They're usually like, "Yeah, totally have a beer." Elle 37:10 Right. No, it's... Margaret 37:11 Yes. Elle 37:11 For sure. Um, but when it comes to when it comes to thinking about, you know, the anarchist threat model, I think that a lot of us have this idea of like, "Oh, the FBI is spying on me personally." And the likelihood of the FBI specifically spying on 'you' personally is like, actually pretty slim. But... Margaret 37:34 Me? Elle 37:35 Well... Margaret 37:37 No, no, I want to go back to thinking about it's slim, it's totally slim. Elle 37:41 Look...But like, there's there is a lot like, we know that, you know, State surveillance dragnet exists, right, we know that, you know, plaintext text messages, for example, are likely to be caught both by, you know, Cell Site Simulators, which are in really, really popular use by law enforcement agencies. Margaret 38:08 Which is something that sets up and pretends to be a cell tower. So it takes all the data that is transmitted over it. And it's sometimes used set up at demonstrations. Elle 38:16 Yes. So they, they both kind of convinced your phone into thinking that they are the nearest cell tower, and then actually pass your communications on to the next, like the nearest cell tower. So your communications do go through, they're just being logged by this entity in the middle. That's, you know, not great. But using something... Margaret 38:38 Unless you're the Feds. Elle 38:39 I mean, even if you... Margaret 38:41 You just have to think about it from their point of. Hahah. Elle 38:42 Even if you are the Feds, that's actually too much data for you to do anything useful with, you know? Margaret 38:50 Okay, I'll stop interuppting you. Haha. Elle 38:51 Like, it's just...but if you're if you are a person who is a person of interest who's in this group, where a cell site simulator has been deployed or whatever, then then that you know, is something that you do have to be concerned about and you know, even if you're not a person of interest if you're like texting your friend about like, "All right, we do crime in 15 minutes," like I don't know, it's maybe not a great idea. Don't write it down if you're doing crime. Don't do crime. But more importantly don't don't create evidence that you're planning to do crime, because now you've done two crimes which is the crime itself and conspiracy to commit a crime Margaret 39:31 Be straight. Follow the law. That's the motto here. Elle 39:35 Yes. Oh, sorry. I just like I don't know, autism brain involuntarily pictured, like an alternate universe in which in where which I am straight, and law abiding. And I'm just I'm very... Margaret 39:52 Sounds terrible. I'm sorry. Elle 39:53 Right. Sounds like a very boring.... Margaret 39:55 Sorry to put that image in your head. Elle 39:56 I mean, I would never break laws. Margaret 39:58 No. Elle 39:59 Ever Never ever. I have not broken any laws I will not break any laws. No, I think that... Margaret 40:08 The new "In Minecraft" is "In Czarist Russia." Instead of saying "In Minecraft," because it's totally blown. It's only okay to commit crimes "In Czarist Russia." Elle 40:19 Interesting. Margaret 40:23 All right. We don't have to go with that. I don't know why i got really goofy. Elle 40:27 I might be to Eastern European Jewish for that one. Margaret 40:31 Oh God. Oh, my God, now I just feel terrible. Elle 40:34 It's It's fine. It's fine. Margaret 40:36 Well, that was barely a crime by east... Elle 40:40 I mean it wasn't necessarily a crime, but like my family actually emigrated to the US during the first set of pogroms. Margaret 40:51 Yeah. Elle 40:52 So like, pre Bolshevik Revolution. Margaret 40:57 Yeah. Elle 40:59 But yeah, anyway. Margaret 41:02 Okay, well, I meant taking crimes like, I basically think that, you know, attacking the authorities in Czarist Russia is a more acceptable action is what I'm trying to say, I really don't have to try and sell you on this plan. Elle 41:16 I'm willing to trust your judgment here. Margaret 41:19 That's a terrible plan, but I appreciate you, okay. Either way, we shouldn't text people about the crimes that we're doing. Elle 41:26 We should not text people about the crimes that we're planning on doing. But, if you are going to try to coordinate timelines, you might want to do that using some form of encrypted messenger so that whatever is logged by a cell site simulator, if it is in existence is not possible by the people who are then retrieving those logs. And you know, and another reason to use encrypted messengers, where you can is that you don't necessarily want your cell provider to have that unencrypted message block. And so if you're sending SMS, then your cell, your cell provider, as the processor of that data has access to an unencrypted or plain text version of whatever text message you're sending, where if you're using something like Signal or WhatsApp, or Wicker, or Wire or any of the other, like, multitude of encrypted messengers that you could theoretically be using, then it's it's also not going directly through your your provider, which I think is an interesting distinction. Because, you know, we we know, from, I mean, we kind of sort of already knew, but we know for a fact, from the Snowden Papers, that cell providers will absolutely turn over your data to the government if they're asked for it. And so minimizing the amount of data that they have about you to turn over to the government is generally a good practice. Especially if you can do it in a way that isn't going to be a bunch of red flags. Margaret 43:05 Right, like being in Belarus and using Signal. Elle 43:08 Right. Exactly. Margaret 43:10 Okay. Also, there's the Russian General who used an unencrypted phone where he then got geo located and blowed up. Elle 43:23 Yeah. Margaret 43:24 Also bad threat modeling on that that guy's part, it seems like Elle 43:28 I it, it certainly seems to...that person certainly seems to have made several poor life choices, not the least of which was being a General in the Russian army. Margaret 43:41 Yeah, yeah. That, that tracks. So one of the things that we talked about, while we were talking about having this conversation, our pre-conversation conversation was about...I think you brought up this idea that something that feels secret, doesn't mean it is, and Elle 43:59 Yeah! Margaret 44:00 I'm wondering if you had more thoughts about that concept? It's not a very good prompt. Elle 44:05 So like, it's it's a totally reasonable prompt, we say a lot that, you know, security and safety are a feeling. And I think that that actually is true for a lot of us. But there's this idea that, Oh, if you use coded language, for example, then like, you can't get caught. I don't actually think that's true, because we tend to use coded language that's like, pretty easily understandable by other people. Because the purpose of communicating is to communicate. Margaret 44:42 Yeah. Elle 44:43 And so usually, if you're like, code language is easy enough to be understood by whoever it is you're trying to communicate with, like, someone else can probably figure it the fuck out too. Especially if you're like, "Hey, man, did you bring the cupcakes," and your friend is like, "Yeah!" And then an explosion goes off shortly thereafter, right? It's like, "Oh, by cupcakes, they meant dynamite." So I, you know, I think that rather than then kind of like relying on this, you know, idea of how spies work or how, how anarchists communicated secretly, you know, pre WTO it's, it's worth thinking about how the surveillance landscape has adapted over time, and thinking a little bit more about what it means to engage in, in the modern panopticon, or the contemporary panopticon, because those capabilities have changed over time. And things like burner phones are a completely different prospect now than they used to be. Actually... Margaret 45:47 In that they're easier or wose? Elle 45:49 Oh, there's so much harder to obtain now. Margaret 45:51 Yeah, okay. Elle 45:52 It's it is so much easier to correlate devices that have been used in proximity to each other than it used to be. And it's so much easier to, you know, capture people on surveillance cameras than it used to be. I actually wrote a piece for Crimethinc about this some years ago, that that I think kind of still holds up in terms of how difficult it really, really is to procure a burner phone. And in order to do to do that safely, you would have to pay cash somewhere that couldn't capture you on camera doing it, and then make sure that it was never turned on in proximity with your own phone anywhere. And you would have to make sure that it only communicated with other burner phones, because the second it communicates with a phone that's associated to another person, there's a connection between your like theoretical burner phone and that person. And so you can be kind of triangulated back to, especially if you've communicated with multiple people. It just it is so hard to actually obtain a device that is not in any way affiliated with your identity or the identity of any of your comrades. But, we have to start thinking about alternative mechanisms for synchronous communication. Margaret 47:18 Okay. Elle 47:18 And, realistically speaking, taking a walk in the woods is still going to be the best way to do it. Another reasonable way to go about having a conversation that needs to remain private is actually to go somewhere that is too loud and too crowded to...for anyone to reasonably overhear or to have your communication recorded. So using using the kind of like, signal to noise ratio in your favor. Margaret 47:51 Yeah. Elle 47:52 To help drown out your own signal can be really, really useful. And I think that that's also true of things like using Gmail, right? The signal to noise ratio, if you're not using a tool that's specifically for activists can be very helpful, because there is just so much more traffic happening, that it's easier to blend in. Margaret 48:18 I mean, that's one reason why I mean, years ago, people were saying that's why non activists should use GPG, the encrypted email service that is terrible, was so attempt to try and be like, if you only ever use it, for the stuff you don't want to be known, then it like flags it as "This stuff you don't want to be known." And so that was like, kind of an argument for my early adoption Signal, because I don't break laws was, you know, just be like," Oh, here's more people using Signal," it's more regularized, and, you know, my my family talks on Signal and like, it helps that like, you know, there's a lot of different very normal legal professions that someone might have that are require encrypted communication. Yeah, no book, like accountants, lawyers. But go ahead. Elle 49:06 No, no, I was gonna say that, like, it's, it's very common in my field of work for people to prefer to use Signal to communicate, especially if there is, you know, a diversity of phone operating systems in the mix. Margaret 49:21 Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, it's actually now it's more convenient. You know, when I when I'm on my like, family's SMS loop, it's like, I constantly get messages to say, like, "Brother liked such and such comment," and then it's like, three texts of that comment and...anyway, but okay, one of the things that you're talking about, "Security as a feeling," right? That actually gets to something that's like, there is a value in like, like, part of the reason to carry a knife is to feel better. Like, and so part of like, like anti-anxiety, like anxiety is my biggest threat most most days, personally. Right? Elle 50:00 Have you ever considered a career in the security field, because I, my, my, my former manager, like the person who hired me into the role that I'm in right now was like, "What made you get into security?" when I was interviewing, and I was just like, "Well, I had all this anxiety lying around. And I figured, you know, since nobody will give me a job that I can afford to sustain myself on without a degree, in any other field, I may as well take all this anxiety and like, sell it as a service." Margaret 50:33 Yeah, I started a prepper podcast. It's what you're listening to right now. Everyone who's listening. Yeah, exactly. Well, there's a value in that. But then, but you're talking about the Panopticon stuff, and the like, maybe being in too crowded of an environment. And it's, and this gets into something where everyone is really going to have to answer it differently. There's a couple of layers to this, but like, the reason that I just like, my profile picture on twitter is my face. I use my name, right? Elle 51:03 Same. Margaret 51:04 And, yeah, and I, and I just don't sweat it, because I'm like, "Look, I've been at this long enough that they know who I am. And it's just fine. It's just is." One day, it won't be fine. And then we have other problems. Right? Elle 51:18 Right. Margaret 51:19 And, and, and I'm not saying that everyone as they get better security practice will suddenly start being public like it... You know, it, it really depends on what you're trying to accomplish. Like, a lot of the reasons to not be public on social media is just because it's a fucking pain in the ass. Like, socially, you know? Elle 51:36 Yeah. Margaret 51:36 But I don't know, I just wonder if you have any thoughts about just like, the degree to which sometimes it's like, "Oh, well, I just, I carry a phone to an action because I know, I'm not up to anything." But then you get into this, like, then you're non-normalizing... don't know, it gets complicated. And I'm curious about your thoughts on that kind of stuff. Elle 51:56 So like, for me, for me personally, I am very public about who I am. What I'm about, like, what my politics are. I'm extremely open about it. Partially, because I don't think that, like I think that there is value in de-stigmatizing anarchism. Margaret 52:20 Yes. Elle 52:20 I think there is value in being someone who is just a normal fucking human being. And also anarchist. Margaret 52:29 Yeah. Elle 52:30 And I think that, you know, I...not even I think. I know, I know that, through being exactly myself and being open about who I am, and not being super worried about the labels that other people apply to themselves. And instead, kind of talking about, talking about anarchism, both from a place of how it overlaps with Judaism, because it does in a lot of really interesting ways, but also just how it informs my decision making processes. I've been able to expose people who would not necessarily have had any, like, concept of anarchism, or the power dynamics that we're interested in equalizing to people who just wouldn't have wouldn't have even thought about it, or would have thought that anarchists are like this big, scary, whatever. And, like, there, there are obviously a multitude of tendencies within anarchism, and no anarchist speaks for anybody but themselves, because that's how it works. But, it's one of the things that's been really interesting to me is that in the security field, one of the new buzzwords is Zero Trust. And the idea is that you don't want to give any piece of technology kind of the sole ability to to be the linchpin in your security, right? So you want to build redundancy, you want to make sure that no single thing is charged with being the gatekeeper for all of your security. And I think that that concept actually also applies to power. And so I...when I'm trying to talk about anarchism in a context where it makes sense to security people, I sometimes talk about it as like a Zero Trust mechanism for organizing a society. Margaret 54:21 Yeah. Elle 54:21 Where you just you...No person is trustworthy enough to hold power over another person. And, so like, I'm really open about it, but the flip side of that is that, you know, I also am a fucking anarchist, and I go to demonstrations, and sometimes I get arrested or whatever. And so I'm not super worried about the government knowing who I am because they know exactly who I am. But I don't share things like my place of work on the internet because I've gotten death threats from white nationalists. And I don't super want white nationalists like sending death threats into my place of work because It's really annoying to deal with. Margaret 55:02 Yeah. Elle 55:03 And so you know, there's...it really comes down to how you think about compartmentalizing information. And which pieces of yourself you want public and private and and how, how you kind of maintain consistency in those things. Margaret 55:21 Yeah. Elle 55:22 Like people will use the same...people will like be out and anarchists on Twitter, but use the same Twitter handle as their LinkedIn URL where they're talking about their job and have their legal name. And it's just like, "Buddy, what are you doing?" Margaret 55:37 Yeah. Elle 55:38 So you do have to think about how pieces of data can be correlated and tied back to you. And what story it is that you're you're presenting, and it is hard and you are going to fuck it up. Like people people are going to fuck it up. Compartmentalization is super hard. Maintaining operational security is extremely hard. But it is so worth thinking about. And even if you do fuck it up, you know, that doesn't mean that it's the end of the world, it might mean that you have to take some extra steps to mitigate that risk elsewhere. Margaret 56:11 The reason I like this whole framework that you're building is that I tend to operate under this conception that clandestinity is a trap. I don't want to I don't want to speak this....I say it as if it's a true statement across all and it's not it. I'm sure there's absolute reasons in different places at different times. But in general, when I look at like social movements, they, once they move to "Now we're just clandestine." That's when everyone dies. And, again, not universally, Elle 56:40 Yeah, but I mean, okay, so this is where I'm gonna get like really off the wall. Right? Margaret 56:46 All right. We're an hour in. It's the perfect time. Elle 56:50 I know, right? People may or may not know who Allen Dulles is. But Allen Margaret 56:54 Not unless they named an airport after him. Elle 56:56 They Did. Margaret 56:57 Oh, then i do who he is. Elle 56:59 Allen Dulles is one of the people who founded the CIA. And he released this pamphlet called "73 Points On Spycraft." And it's a really short read. It's really interesting, I guess. But the primary point is that if you are actually trying to be clandestine, and be successful about it, you want to be as mundane as possible. Margaret 57:22 Yep. Elle 57:23 And in our modern world with the Panopticon being what it is, the easiest way to be clandestine, is actually to be super open. So that if you are trying to hide something, if there is something that you do want to keep secret, there's enough information out there about you, that you're not super worth digging into. Margaret 57:46 Oh, yeah. Cuz they think they already know you. Elle 57:48 Exactly. So if, if that is what your threat model is, then the best way to go about keeping a secret is to flood as many other things out there as possible. So that it's just it's hard to find anything, but whatever it is that you're flooding. Margaret 58:04 Oh, it's like I used to, to get people off my back about my dead name, I would like tell one person in a scene, a fake dead name, and be like, "But you can't tell anyone." Elle 58:15 Right. Margaret 58:16 And then everyone would stop asking about my dead name, because they all thought they knew it, because that person immediately told everyone, Elle 58:22 Right. Margaret 58:23 Yeah. Elle 58:24 It's, it's going back to that same using the noise to hide your signal concept, that it...the same, the same kind of concepts and themes kind of play out over and over and over again. And all security really is is finding ways to do harm reduction for yourself, finding ways to minimize the risk that you're undertaking just enough that that you can operate in whatever it is that you're trying to do. Margaret 58:53 No, I sometimes I like, ask questions. And then I am like, Okay, well don't have an immediate follow up, because I just need to like, think about it. Instead of being like, "I know immediately what to say about that." But okay, so, but with clandestinity in general in this this concept...I also think that this is true on a kind of movement level in a way that I I worry about sometimes not necessarily....Hmm, what am I trying to say? Because I also really hate telling people what to do. It's like kind of my thing I don't like telling people what to do. But there's a certain level... Elle 59:25 Really? Margaret 59:25 Yeah, you'd be shocked to know, Elle 59:27 You? Don't like telling people what to do? Margaret 59:31 Besides telling people not to tell me what to do. That's one of my favorite things to tell people. But, there's a certain amount of. Margaret 59:38 Oh, that's true, like different conceptions of freedom. Elle 59:38 But that's not telling people what to do, that's telling people what not to do. Elle 59:44 It's actually setting a boundary as opposed to dictating a behavior. Margaret 59:48 But I've been in enough relationships where I've learned that setting boundaries is the same as telling people to do. This is a funny joke. Elle 59:55 Ohh co-dependency. Margaret 59:58 But all right, there's a quote from a guy whose name I totally space who was an old revolutionist, who wasn't very good at his job. And his quote was, "Those who make half a revolution dig their own graves." And I think he like, I think it proved true for him. If I remember correctly, I think he died in jail after kind of making half a revolution with some friends. I think he got like arrested for pamphleteering or something, Elle 1:00:20 Jesus. Margaret 1:00:21 It was a couple hundred years ago. And but there's this but then if you look forward in history that like revolutionists, who survive are the ones who win. Sometimes, sometimes the revolutionists win, and then their comrades turn on them and murder them. But, I think overall, the survival rate of a revolution is better when you win is my theory. And and so there's this this concept where there's a tension, and I don't have an answer to it. And I want people to actually think about it instead of assuming, where the difference between videotaping a cop car on fire and not is more complicated than people want you to know. Because, if you want there to be more cop cars on fire, which I do not unless we're in Czarist Russia, in which case, you're in an autocracy, and it's okay to set the cop cars on fire, but I'm clearly not talking about that, or the modern world. But, you're gonna have to film it on your cell phone in order for people to fucking know that it's happening. Sure. And and that works absolutely against your best interest. Like, on an individual level, and even a your friends' level. Elle 1:01:25 So like, here's the thing, being in proximity to a burning cop car is not in and of itself a crime. Margaret 1:01:33 Right. Elle 1:01:34 So there's, there's nothing wrong with filming a cop car on fire. Margaret 1:01:41 But there's that video... Margaret 1:01:41 Right. Elle 1:01:41 There is something wrong with filming someone setting a cop car on fire. And there's something extremely wrong with taking a selfie while setting a cop car on fire. And don't do that, because you shouldn't do crime. Obviously, right? Elle 1:01:42 But there's Layers there...No, go ahead. Margaret 1:02:03 Okay, well, there's the video that came out of Russia recently, where someone filmed themselves throwing Molotovs at a recruitment center. And one of the first comments I see is like, "Wow, this person has terrible OpSec." And that's true, right? Like this person is not looking at how to maximize their lack of chance of going to jail, which is probably the way to maximize that in non Czarist Russia... re-Czarist Russia, is to not throw anything burning at buildings. That's the way to not go to jail. Elle 1:02:35 Right. Margaret 1:02:35 And then if you want to throw the thing at the... and if all you care about is setting this object on fire, then don't film yourself. Elle 1:02:41 Right. Margaret 1:02:41 But if you want more people to know that this is a thing that some people believe is a worthwhile thing to do, you might need to film yourself doing it now that person well didn't speak. Elle 1:02:53 Well no. Margaret 1:02:56 Okay. Elle 1:02:56 You may not need to film yourself doing it. Right? Because what what you can do is if, for example, for some reason, you are going to set something on fire. Margaret 1:03:09 Right, in Russia. Elle 1:03:09 Perhaps what you might want to do is first get the thing to be in a state where it is on fire, and then begin filming the thing once it is in a burning state. Margaret 1:03:25 Conflaguration. Yeah. Elle 1:03:25 Right? And that can that can do a few things, including A) you're not inherently self incriminating. And, you know, if if there are enough people around to provide some form of cover, like for example, if there are 1000s of other people's cell phones also in proximity, it might even create some degree of plausible deniability for you because what fucking dipshit films themself doing crimes. So it's, you know, there's, there's, there's some timing things, right. And the idea is to get it...if you are a person who believes that cop cars look best on fire... Margaret 1:04:10 Buy a cop car, and then you set it on fire. And then you film it. Elle 1:04:15 I mean, you know, you know, you just you opportunistically film whenever a cop car happens to be on fire in your proximity. Margaret 1:04:23 Oh, yeah. Which might have been set on fire by the person who owned it. There's no reason to know one way or not. Elle 1:04:27 Maybe the police set the cop car on fire you know? You never know. There's no way to there....You don't have to you don't have to speculate about how the cop car came to be on fire. You can just film a burning cop car. And so the you know, I think that the line to walk there is just making sure there's no humans in your footage of things that you consider to be art. Margaret 1:04:29 Yeah. No, it it makes sense. And I guess it's like because people very, very validly have been very critical about the ways that media or people who are independently media or whatever, like people filming shit like this, right? But But I think then to say that like, therefore no, no cop cars that are on fire should ever be filmed versus the position you're presenting, which is only cop cars that are already on fire might deserve to be filmed, which is the kind of the long standing like film the broken window, not the window breaker and things like that. But... Elle 1:05:29 I think and I think also there's, you know, there's a distinction to be made between filming yourself setting a cop car on fire, and filming someone else setting a cop car on fire, because there's a consent elemenet, right? Margaret 1:05:34 Totally. Totally. Elle 1:05:47 You shouldn't like...Don't do crime. Nobody should do crime. But if you are going to do crime, do it on purpose. Right? Margaret 1:05:55 Fair enough. Elle 1:05:55 Like that's, that's what civil disobedience is. Civil disobedience is doing crime for the purpose of getting caught to make a point. That's what it is. And if you if you really feel that strongly about doing a crime to make a point, and you want everyone to know that you're doing a crime to make a point, then that's, that's a risk calculation that you yourself need to make for yourself. But you can't make that calculation for anybody else. Margaret 1:06:25 I think that's a great way to sum it up. Elle 1:06:27 So unless your friend is like, "Yo, I'm gonna set this cop car on fire. Like, get the camera ready, hold my beer." You probably shouldn't be filming them. Margaret 1:06:38 See you in 30 years. Elle 1:06:39 Right? You probably shouldn't be filming them setting the cop car on fire either. Margaret 1:06:43 No. No Elle 1:06:44 And also, that's a shitty friend because they've just implicated you in conspiracy, right? Margaret 1:06:49 Yeah. Elle 1:06:50 Friends don't implicate friends. Margaret 1:06:53 It's a good, it's a good rule. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I that's not entirely where I immediately expected to go with Threat Modeling. But I feel like we've covered an awful lot. Is there something? Is there something...Do you have any, like final thoughts about Threat Modeling, and as relates to the stuff that we've been talking about? Elle 1:07:18 I think that you know, the thing that I do really want to drive home. And that honestly does come back to your point about clandestinity being a trap is that, again, the purpose of threat modeling is to first understand, you know, what risks you're trying to protect against, and then figure out how to do what you're accomplishing in a way that minimizes risk. But the important piece is still doing whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish, whether that's movement building, or something else. And so there there is, there is a calculation that needs to be made in terms of what level of risk is acceptable to you. But if if, ultimately, your risk threshold is preventing you from accomplishing whatever you're trying to accomplish, then it's time to take a step back, recalculate and figure out whether or not you actually want to accomplish the thing, and what level of risk is worth taking. Because I think that, you know, again, if if you're, if your security mechanisms are preventing you from doing the thing that you're you set out to try to do, then your adversaries are already winning, and something probably needs to shift. Margaret 1:08:39 I really like that line. And so I feel like that's a decent spot, place to end on. Do. Do you have anything that you'd like to shout out? People can follow you on the internet? Or they shouldn't follow you on the internet? What? What do you what do you want to advocate for here? Elle 1:08:53 If you follow me on the internet, I'm so sorry. That's really all I can say. I'm, I am on the internet. I am a tire fire. I'm probably fairly easy to find based on my name, my pronouns and the things that I've said here today, and I can't recommend following my Twitter. Margaret 1:09:17 I won't put in the show notes then. Elle 1:09:19 I mean, you're welcome to but I can't advocate in good conscience for anyone to pay attention to anything that I have to say. Margaret 1:09:27 Okay, so go back and don't listen to the last hour everyone. Elle 1:09:31 I mean, I'm not going to tell you what to do. Margaret 1:09:34 I am that's my favorite thing to do. Elle 1:09:36 I mean, you know, this is just like my opinion, you know? There are no leaders. We're all the leaders. I don't know. Do do do what you think is right. Margaret 1:09:55 Agreed. All right. Well, thank you so much. Elle 1:09:59 Thank you. I really appreciate it. Margaret 1:10:07 Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this podcast, you should tell people about it by whatever means occurs to you to tell people about it, which might be the internet, it might even be in person, it might be by taking a walk, leaving your cell phones behind, and then getting in deep into the woods and saying," I like the following podcast." And then the other person will be like, "Really, I thought we were gonna make out or maybe do some crimes." But, instead you have told them about the podcast. And I'm recording this at the same time as I record the intro, and now the

THE LAST EPISODE OF SEASON THREE! Whew, can you believe we even made it to THREE seasons, ALREADY?? Me neither! This episode is a little different because the guest is ME! Hahah, i thought it would be different for the Podcast if I did a solo episode and a part of me, liked it a lot so it may happen again. In this episode I talk a little more about me, how I got into Podcasting and of course, it wouldn't be a real Honestlyhelen episode if i didn't have some honest talk about a few random things along the way. I am hoping that you are able to just enjoy this episode as it plays in the background while you kick-ass at whatever it is you are doing. I appreciate your support, your listen, your share, comment, telling-a-friend-of-a-friend, I appreciate it all. Until, Season 4

You know what I've been thinking lately? Here we are again! Tell me what's on your mind? I feel like going to REALLY cold places. You? I give you only 3 days and you'd eventually end up going to Hawaii. This time I mean it because I'm very inspired by those beautiful birds in tuxedos. By what? I mean.. by penguins. Ahh, aren't they so cute?! They look like gentlemen wearing suits shambling around. Hah. Where does this penguin love come from? You know it's not like adopting a dog. Yeah. That's why I'm like “I should get to them.” And? I've been checking my possibilities for Antarctica! Uhmm. Okay things are getting a bit crazy right now. You know there are countries like Peru, Chile where you could see them. Does going to Antarctica sound more possible to you than going to South America? Yes. Because I've actually found a job vacancy in Antarctica. Uk Antarctic Heritage Trust announced that they're looking for somebody who will be counting Gentoo Penguins in Antarctica and working in the souvenir shop at the same time! Hahah. Man, I'm sorry but I can't imagine you doing that. Well okay at some point there are difficulties like having no time zone and cleaning penguin poop and- What? Cleaning penguin poops? Hahah. Wow, that is the dream job! And some personal hygiene issues... Don't tell me you won't have water to wash your hands. No no. I just remember reading something like “You're lucky if a cruise ship docks nearby because that'll be the only way for you to take a.. proper shower.” Wow what a relief.. Hahah. Yeah, also I won't have to pay my bills or any rent. There are like 2 ATMs though. I think I can survive for 6 months. What would you need the atms for? Are you gonna be going to the clubs with your penguins? It doesn't sound so bad! I would come to Antarctica only to witness this! You know there's a lot more to witness rather than my catchy dance moves with my penguins in Antarctica. Let me enlighten you a little bit more about it. Maybe you'll change your mind eventually. I'm cleaning my dog's poop and that's quite enough for me already. But let's hear what you'll say. We can say that this coldest place ever can have temperatures as low as -128 ºF. So humankind didn't really have a lot of attempts to discover it fully. It's amazing how living beings survive in this eternal cold. And there's a part we can't even witness. The ice covering the continent hides a lot of things. Even today, scientists keep different creatures that don't resemble any other living being. According to some legend, below this ice there might be a hidden city. The lost city of Atlantis. Listen to Bright Side on: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0hUkPxD... Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id... For more videos visit BRIGHT SIDE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4rl... Music by Epidemic Sound https://www.epidemicsound.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Put on your swimsuits guys! Finally, summer is on the horizon! I can't be the only one who's “excited” this much about it right? Hey! Don't mislead people. It's still early for swimming. You're definitely not the only one enjoying the warm weather already though. People are outside.. having a picnic.. taking Vitamin D for their bodies. See? It shouldn't be that early to swim for some! Yeah not that early if you wanna get sick. It's warm enough already. Can't you hear all these bird songs, see those green trees and the sweat on my forehead? If I should be happy that you're sweating, then I will be. But only if you remember to wear some deodorant. Ha-ha. [a bit annoyed] Okay.. okay. I know you've been looking forward to it since your body functions like a solar panel. It does indeed! How about you? Hmm.I'm okay with the warm weather but I should confess at some point when it's really hot, you can't make me go out before 6 p.m. So you prefer to be a night owl instead of enjoying the beach and the sea? Let's say I “have to” prefer this. Even my body doesn't react so well. I go red immediately. What's the point of stewing outside, when you have an air conditioner at home? Then you don't need to worry about my topic today. It'll give you an air conditioning effect or maybe a “freezer” would be a better word to use. Hmm. I'm not sure what exactly you chose but I'm all ears. Let me tell you first how I chose it; so, there's no doubt the sun is so crucial for living beings like me. You know, lately I have this appetite of going to cold places with almost no proper sun. True that, Mr. Antarctica. So It made me think how much I would survive without the sun. what would happen in the long term. Yeah, all this time we've been talking about unique species living all in darkness in the caves and dark places in some parts of the world. Do you think we'd evolve into something else? If we could survive, maybe. Today I'll focus on this hypothetical situation and tell what it would be like to live on Earth without the Sun. Okay, let's hear that. So, The sun is the closest star to our planet and of course our life exists thanks to it. Yeah. The sun beams make it warm enough for organisms to develop and live on. For example; take plants. They convert the solar energy into chemical one and produce oxygen for us. Yeah that's why I'm one of those plant maniacs who adopt one when they go out. I'm in love with them! If we should remember; nothing, literally nothing in the Universe can travel faster than light, so let's say if the Sun disappeared, it would take 8 minutes for this good news to reach us. Why 8 minutes exactly? Because the sun is 8 light min. away from the Earth. It is the distance that light can travel in a min. I feel so strange that I'm the one giving all these scientific facts but not you. Hahah. I'm just waiting for my turn. But to put it in a more solid example;If 65 million light years away, there were some advanced creatures with some powerful telescopes, they would be able to see dinosaurs, right? Exactly! After this escape; even the Sun's gravitational pull on our planet would continue for 8 minutes though. So does that mean it would continue orbiting? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

❤ Remember that time we said we were saving money **HAHAH** (looking at you Episode 22) Turns out it was for this week! What a fantastic fortnight of interesting games. What are you backing? Is Space or Castles your jam this week? A&M ❤Support the show