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Have you ever lived in a mindset where you're basically waiting for the other shoe to drop, hope feels impossible or too dangerous? It can feel safer to fly low, embrace pessimism and cynicism and think, “if life turns out half as bad as I imagine, then at least I'll be ready for it.” That's the kind of mindset Stephanie had when she was younger. Stephanie welcomes Nicole Zasowski, author and therapist, who shares wisdom on reclaiming joy and celebration in a world often dominated by worry and pessimism. Nicole's journey and research reveal that joy isn't just an emotional response, but a courageous, spiritual discipline rooted in God's faithfulness. Despite her deep faith, she had concluded that joy and celebration were risky. She was sure that celebration would come with a catch, so she became practiced in praying for the miracle while preparing to mourn and dreaming while rehearsing disaster. And yet she discovered that our methods of self-protection came at a cost. A lot of the loss we experience in our lives is not only the grief and the disappointment itself, but also the joy that we overlook because we are too afraid to embrace it, she tells us. That's the conversation on Gospel Spice today. Understanding the Struggle with Joy Nicole begins by dispelling the myth that celebration and joy come naturally to her—in fact, her books were born from seasons marked by change, loss, and disappointment. Through experiences like moving across the country and enduring infertility and miscarriages, Nicole discovered a heartbreaking truth: much of her loss was not just in what she lacked, but in her refusal to embrace the goodness that God placed in her path out of fear that it would be taken away. This led her into research, both biblical and scientific, to understand why joy can feel so vulnerable and difficult, especially when we've experienced pain. Redefining Celebration: A Spiritual Discipline American and Western cultures, Nicole notes, often see celebration as a reward for good news or accomplishments. However, the Bible—especially the Old Testament—demonstrates celebration as a spiritual rhythm and discipline, not just a reaction. The Israelites practiced regular, scheduled celebrations and feasts, regardless of their current circumstances. These rhythms were not designed to reward themselves for their goodness, but to remember and honor God's consistent faithfulness. Celebration, then, is about choosing remembrance: looking back at God's goodness and letting that fuel hope, courage, and anticipation about the future—even when circumstances are hard. The Vulnerability of Joy Joy is inherently vulnerable because it opens our hearts to the possibility of loss. For those who have experienced pain, pessimism and cynicism can become self-protective mechanisms. However, Nicole's research and experience as a therapist show that numbing ourselves to joy doesn't actually protect us. Rather, it diminishes our ability to savor God's goodness and leaves us empty-handed in difficult times. Practical Tools for Practicing Joy Nicole emphasizes that joy, like any virtue, can and must be intentionally practiced. Two key habits can help rewire our hearts toward joy: 1. Savoring: Take mental “snapshots” of small moments, deliberately noticing what you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. This helps your brain store joyful experiences that might otherwise go unnoticed. 2. Thanksgiving (vs. gratitude): Beyond silently feeling grateful, speak and express thanks out loud—to God or others. Research shows that this actually heightens and solidifies joy inside us. Key Takeaways from our conversation · Joy and celebration are not merely emotions; they are spiritual practices and choices that shape us. · God invites us into rhythms of celebration even when our feelings or circumstances do not match, because it roots us deeper in remembrance of His faithfulness. · Practicing joy often feels counterintuitive—especially in pain—but it is the way God designed us to process life and hope. · Tools like savoring and thanksgiving can help transform our hearts and brains to default toward joy instead of worry or cynicism. Nicole encourages us that it's never too late to begin practicing joy, regardless of our life's season. The discipline of joy prepares us for eternity, deepening our delight in God and training our hearts for hope and celebration—no matter what comes our way. MORE ABOUT NICOLE ZASOWSKI Nicole Zasowski is a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of What If It's Wonderful, From Lost to Found and her new Bible Study Daring Joy. She is also the coauthor of Advances and Techniques in Restoration Therapy and Families and Forgiveness. As a writer who wears her heart proudly on her sleeve, Nicole's work is a weave of biblical wisdom, psychological expertise, and vulnerable storytelling. Often praised for her wisdom and approachable style, Nicole is a sough-after speaker, frequently teaching at conferences, retreats, and women's events around the country on topics that integrate faith and psychology. In addition to her private practice, Nicole's therapeutic work has included teaching as an adjunct professor at Alliance Theological Seminary in New York and leading marriage intensives at the Hideaway Experience. Nicole and her husband, Jimmy, are the grateful parents of three young children. Her favorite place to be is looking for sea glass on the Connecticut shoreline, exploring a New England town or New York City neighborhood, or sitting in her front yard around a fire with her family, friends, and neighbors. Meet Nicole at https://www.nicolezasowski.com/ MORE ABOUT “DARING JOY” Joy can feel risky. When you've experienced pain of any kind, it can feel easier not to dream than to be disappointed, or not to hope than to be left heartbroken. If you ever feel like it's safer not to embrace joy at all than to hold something that might break, you're not alone. Thankfully, the Bible paints a different picture—one that gives you the courage to hold on to joy regardless of your circumstances. https://www.nicolezasowski.com/daring-joy MORE ABOUT “WHAT IF IT'S WONDERFUL” What If It's Wonderful? Author and marriage and family therapist Nicole Zasowski knows that it's difficult to trust joy and find the courage to celebrate when you have endured seasons of disappointment and despair. When God has been your faithful anchor in the storm, does joy then leave you unmoored? Nicole reminds us that we can stay tethered to the hope of Christ in seasons of celebration, because even joyful days hold the learning, growth, and intimate encounters with Jesus that our hearts crave. What If It's Wonderful? offers a new perspective. With a compelling psychological and spiritual case for the importance of embracing joy and celebration, even when it feels scary. https://www.nicolezasowski.com/wonderful We invite you to check out the first episode of each of our series, and decide which one you will want to start with. Go to gospelspice.com for more, and go especially to gospelspice.com/podcast to enjoy our guests! Interested in our blog? Click here: gospelspice.com/blog Identity in the battle | Ephesians https://www.podcastics.com/episode/74762/link/ Centering on Christ | The Tabernacle experience https://www.podcastics.com/episode/94182/link/ Shades of Red | Against human oppression https://www.podcastics.com/episode/115017/link/ God's glory, our delight https://www.podcastics.com/episode/126051/link/ Support us on Gospel Spice, PayPal and Venmo!
Send us a textSusan and Alex are joined by co-host Josh Burris and special guest Nicole Zasowski for a heartfelt conversation around the question: "How does God call us to talk with others about pain?" Together, they explore what it looks like to hold space for one another, speak truth with compassion, and reflect God's love in our hardest conversations.NICOLE ZASOWSKI is a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of What If It's Wonderful, From Lost to Found and her new Bible Study Daring Joy. She is also the coauthor of Advances and Techniques in Restoration Therapy and Families and Forgiveness. As a writer who wears her heart proudly on her sleeve, Nicole's work is a weave of biblical wisdom, psychological expertise, and vulnerable storytelling. Often praised for her wisdom and approachable style, Nicole is a sough-after speaker, frequently teaching at conferences, retreats, and women's events around the country on topics that integrate faith and psychology.In addition to her private practice, Nicole's therapeutic work has included teaching as an adjunct professor at Alliance Theological Seminary in New York and leading marriage intensives at the Hideaway Experience.Nicole and her husband, Jimmy, are the grateful parents of three young children. Her favorite place to be is looking for sea glass on the Connecticut shoreline, exploring a New England town or New York City neighborhood, or sitting in her front yard around a fire with her family, friends, and neighbors.Nicole would love to connect with you on Instagram @nicolezasowski. You can also subscribe to Nicole's newsletter to have wisdom and encouragement sent straight to your inbox!In Nicole's newest Bible study, Daring Joy, you will learn to release fear, comparison, and control so you can embrace the joy God designed you for. You can find all her books and resources here: https://www.nicolezasowski.com/Thanks for listening to the Embodied Holiness Podcast. We invite you to join the community on Facebook and Instagram @embodiedholiness. You can find all our episodes and more at www.embodiedholiness.com. Embodied Holiness is a ministry of Parkway Heights United Methodist Church in Hattiesburg, MS. If you're in the Hattiesburg area and are looking for a church home, we'd love to meet you and welcome you to the family. You can find out more about Parkway Heights at our website.
Romantic relationships are sacred, powerful, and life-giving. But I don't have to tell you how difficult it is to love and let yourself be loved.Marriage and family therapist Dr. Terry Hargrave has been helping couples in crisis restore broken relationships for decades, teaching them how to get unstuck, improve communication, and move beyond destructive coping mechanisms—to find reciprocity, self-affirming confidence, emotional regulation, and a joyful, lasting love.In a world marked by loneliness, disconnection, and emotional dysregulation, Hargrave offers powerful insights on the human need for identity, safety, and belonging—and how we can heal the wounds that keep us stuck. Drawing on decades of therapeutic experience and deep personal reflection, Hargrave explains how coping mechanisms like blame, shame, control, and escape can damage relationships—and how the peace cycle of nurture, self-valuing, balanced give-and-take, and connection can restore wholeness. He discusses his unique approach to the healing and restorative power of relationships, which lifts us up to our potential, encouraging us toward a nurturing, self-valuing, non-controlling reciprocity, and true connection.In this conversation with Terry Hargrave, we discuss:How to turn around a relationship in crisis and get off the emotional rollercoasterHow to build security and trust in order to improve or repair a marriage or long-term relationshipCoping mechanisms of blame, shame, control, and escapePractical steps to learn emotional self-regulationWhat to do when only one partner is working on a relationshipThe role of the brain and neuroplasticity in relational repairAnd the spiritual underpinnings of Terry's approach to restoration therapyEpisode Highlights"It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing—until you claim your belovedness for yourself, nothing will change.""Relationships are a mirror—we discover who we are through how others see us.""Blame, shame, control, and escape—nothing good comes from these coping mechanisms.""Understanding doesn't produce change. Doing produces change.""When we nurture, self-value, connect, and cooperate, unleashed joy happens.""Thriving is doing more of your best self, not learning something new."Helpful Links and ResourcesRestoration Therapy Training ResourcesThe Mindful Marriage by Ron Deal and Nan Deal (with Terry and Sharon Hargrave)Five Days to a New Self by Terry HargraveEmotionally Focused Therapy and Sue Johnson's LegacyShow NotesIntroduction to Terry Hargrave and the importance of Restoration Therapy today"We are still the same humans, but with a bigger pipe of problems and fewer emotional connections."Emotional dysregulation linked to identity and safety threatsRelationships as a mirror to the self and necessary for human thriving"For there to be a me, there has to be a thou."Why relationships are difficult: imperfection, wounding, and unmet needsHow family of origin wounds influence coping styles"Families don't mean to screw each other up, but somehow they manage to."Introduction of the four major unhealthy coping mechanisms: blame, shame, control, and escapeHow overachievement, perfectionism, and withdrawal are survival strategies from early wounding"Your greatest strength might actually be an old coping habit getting in the way of intimacy."The relational signs that coping mechanisms are damaging relationshipsHealing through self-regulation: speaking truth to yourself with love"Put your hand on your heart and remind yourself of who you really are."The difference between co-regulation and self-regulation in emotional healingRestoration Therapy's peace cycle: nurture, self-value, balance, connection"Nothing good comes from blame, shame, control, or escape."The role of practice and neuroplasticity in forming new relational habits"Doing, not just understanding, is what rewires the brain."How thriving relationships move from neediness to adventurous partnershipIntimacy as knowing yourself more fully through connection, not just need satisfactionCooperative growth and mutual flourishing as hallmarks of thrivingApplication of restoration principles to broader societal healing and reconciliation"Unleashed joy happens when we choose nurture and connection, even with adversaries."The critical role of faith in affirming belovedness and ultimate identity"Everyone else and even God can tell you you're beloved—but you have to claim it for yourself."Practical advice for knowing when to seek therapyWhere to find Restoration Therapy-trained therapistsResources for learning more: Mindful Marriage and other Restoration Therapy booksThe key takeaways that I will carry with me from this conversation are the following:You can change. Your relationship can change. But it takes a daily practice of hard work to create lasting change.And though you might fail, there is hope that you can begin again.Our coping mechanisms are not superpowers. They hurt us and the people we love.Understanding is not enough. Action and behavior has to follow for change to occur.[Any others?] It takes two to tango, but that doesn't get you off the hook from doing the work on yourself.And finally, a thriving relationship creates joy all around it, within a family, in a community, and it shows how personal relationships can change society.About Terry HargraveDr. Terry Hargrave. Until he retired recently, he was the Evelyn and Frank Freed Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Fuller Seminary, and a nationally recognized therapist known for his pioneering work with intergenerational families.He's most well known as the founder of Restoration Therapy, which combines advantages of Attachment Theory, Emotional Regulation, and Mindfulness—all in an efficient and organized format that allows both the therapist and client to understand old habits and destructive patterns of behavior and promote change in both individual mental and spiritual health, in order to transform our most intimate relationships.Terry has authored or co-authored over 35 professional articles and fifteen books including Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy and Families and Forgiveness: Healing Wounds in the Intergenerational Family.In his latest book project, he worked with his wife Sharon, also a licensed marriage and family therapist. It's called The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself, and it's a practical manual co-written with Ron and Nan Deal about how they healed their relationship after almost losing it.He's presented internationally on relationship dynamics, family and marriage restoration, the complexities of intergenerational families, healing and reconciliation, and the process of aging.His work has been featured on ABC News, 20/20, Good Morning America, and CBS This Morning as well as several national magazines and newspapers.You can learn more about Terry Hargrave and his work—and find books, practical resources, and professional training materials at: restorationtherapytraining.com. About the Thrive CenterLearn more at thethrivecenter.org.Follow us on Instagram @thrivecenterFollow us on X @thrivecenterFollow us on LinkedIn @thethrivecenter About Dr. Pam KingDr. Pam King is Executive Director the Thrive Center and is Peter L. Benson Professor of Applied Developmental Science at Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy. Follow her @drpamking. About With & ForHost: Pam KingSenior Director and Producer: Jill WestbrookOperations Manager: Lauren KimSocial Media Graphic Designer: Wren JuergensenConsulting Producer: Evan RosaSpecial thanks to the team at Fuller Studio and the Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy.
Nicole Zasowski is an author and licensed marriage and family therapist (and returning favorite to the pod!) and she's here to talk about her brand-new Bible study, Daring Joy: What Six Women in the Bible Teach Us About the Power of Celebration When it Feels Risky, Complicated, and Even Impossible. We dig into the question: how do we hold on to real joy when life feels anything but light? Nicole shares why joy can feel like such a vulnerable experience, how her work in Restoration Therapy shapes her perspective, and why it's often easier to sit with someone in their suffering than in their celebration. It's honest, hopeful, and exactly the conversation we all need this week. June 2022 Interview with Nicole Daring Joy Nicole's Website Follow Nicole on Insta → @nicolezasowski Follow SWE on Insta → @so.what.else Follow Kaitlin on Insta → @kaitlingraceelliott SWE Website
Nicole Zasowski is an author and licensed marriage and family therapist (and returning favorite to the pod!) and she's here to talk about her brand-new Bible study, Daring Joy: What Six Women in the Bible Teach Us About the Power of Celebration When it Feels Risky, Complicated, and Even Impossible. We dig into the question: how do we hold on to real joy when life feels anything but light? Nicole shares why joy can feel like such a vulnerable experience, how her work in Restoration Therapy shapes her perspective, and why it's often easier to sit with someone in their suffering than in their celebration. It's honest, hopeful, and exactly the conversation we all need this week. June 2022 Interview with Nicole Daring Joy Nicole's Website Follow Nicole on Insta → @nicolezasowski Follow SWE on Insta → @so.what.else Follow Kaitlin on Insta → @kaitlingraceelliott SWE Website
Have you ever wondered if your husband is secretly watching pornography? Or maybe you fear there's infidelity. If you have ever had these questions in the back of your mind this episode is for you! The statistics of porn usage and addiction are staggering even within the church. It is an epidemic that we need to do a better job as Christ followers at addressing. Today we have Joanna Raabsmith who is a licensed therapist and professional coach who specialized in Betrayal Trauma come and answer our burning questions. How widespread is this issue? What are the signs this is going on? What do we do if we suspect something? And if we discover something, what do we do then? Is there any hope? Joanna answers all of these and more. Be sure to check out all of Joanna's Resources: Free HONEST tool/challenge for couples: raabsmithteam.com/free Building True Intimacy book- https://www.amazon.com/Building-True-Intimacy-Creating-Connection/dp/B0CHCLTDZJ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2PLV9Q91FEPG5&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.qTBC20UdlTsXO8-Th7gREZfNEELYu2TWZ_2t7oN8YX6YzAg7tQlAYN6bH2cBQctU5cTXkYRkEaIFWgANBsuhWkTyJVfXDuZvU4dfLz4f1p8.v7fzoySA6D242KOUVwPYJlMpTUboQvF4dhMxABOqvUI&dib_tag=se&keywords=building+true+intimacy+raabsmith&qid=1734207118&sprefix=building+true+%2Caps%2C161&sr=8-1 https://www.instagram.com/theraabsmithteam/ Joanna is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and Professional Coach. She holds a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy and a Masters of Divinity from Fuller Theological Seminary. Trained in Restoration Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and EMDR, she specializes in trauma, betrayal trauma, addiction recovery, and relationship issues. Joanna is passionate about helping couples restore love and trust while guiding individuals toward personal growth and healing. Alongside her husband, Matthew, she co-leads The Raabsmith Team, co-authored Building True Intimacy (2023), and co-developed The Intimacy Pyramid™, a framework for building a thriving connection in relationships. She lives in Tennessee with Matthew and their three children, where she enjoys going on shared adventures, reading by the fireplace, and a weekly game of pickleball. ----- Love, Brittany Ready to become a peaceful wife and Mama? Sign Up for the Pain to Peace Academy HERE. Come say hi and join the Morning Mama Facebook Group! I would love to hear your story and know your name. ALL THE LINKS FOR ALL THE THINGS! Morning Mama Website Pain to Peace Academy Morning Mama Facebook Group Follow Us on Instagram Find a Restoration Therapist Come say hi by emailing hello@morningmamapodcast.com
Is your home emotionally safe? In today's fast-paced, high-pressure world, families are struggling more than ever with conflict, stress, and disconnection. In this episode, host Davies Owens sits down with Rob Hayes-St. Clair and Michael Cox, the duo behind the Core 4 Framework and Parenting Made Peaceful, to discuss a better way forward.Drawing from biblical truth, restoration therapy, and years of experience mentoring families and teens, Rob and Michael explain how identifying our own emotional pain cycles—and learning how to replace them with peace cycles—can radically transform the way we parent. You'll learn how to recognize the four emotional “types” parents default to under stress, why your child's behavior often mirrors your own unspoken patterns, and how to bring lasting change through truth-based communication and emotional regulation.This isn't about being ruled by emotions—it's about understanding them and leading your family from a place of peace, not pain. If you're looking for practical tools, biblical encouragement, and a path to stronger relationships, this is an episode you don't want to miss.Special Thanks to our partners who make BaseCamp Live possible:ZipCastWilson Hill AcademyClassic Learning TestGordon CollegeClassical Academic PressLife Architects CoachingLight Phone Stay tuned for more enlightening discussions on classical Christian education, and join us next time on BaseCamp Live! Remember to subscribe, leave us a review, and reach out to us at info@basecamplive.comDon't forget to visit basecamplive.com for more info and past episodes.
How do we get out of the negative patterns in our marriage? What impact does learning to regulate our own emotions have on our relationships?For authors Ron and Nan Deal, it wasn't until they learned to self-regulate their own emotions after the built up pain from their stories and the loss of their child that they began to find healing in the destructive cycles in their marriage. When their relationship had reached a critical point, they found hope and help in the work of Dr. Terry and Sharon Hargrave, whose transformational Restoration Therapy gave Ron and Nan a path forward together in healing. In their new book, **The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself**, Ron and Nan, along with the Hargraves, share both Biblical principles and neuroscience that will help create a more loving, faithful marriage for readers.In this honest and raw conversation, Davey sits down with Ron and Nan to talk about the impact family of origin has in our relationships, why emotional regulation is so important, and how learning to renew your mind can help your brain heal from unhealthy patterns of thinking and relating with your spouse.No matter what state your marriage is in currently, this episode will show you how learning about your own unhelpful ways of coping can bring healing, hope, and flourishing to your most important relationship-your marriage. Website:https://rondeal.org/Instagram:instagram.com/familylifeblendedFacebook:https://www.facebook.com/familylifeblended/Book: The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourselfhttps://a.co/d/dMSDPsZAre you looking for the perfect study for your small group? Check out the Nothing is Wasted Video Series:https://www.nothingiswasted.com/bookstudyGet your copy of When It Hurts: Comforting Promises for Hard Times here:generationclaimed.com/when-it-hurtsLearn more about The Healing Leader Roundtable on March 6th in Indianapolis here:nothingiswasted.com/roundtable
In this episode of the Asking Why podcast, host Clint Davis engages with Dr. Terry Hargrave and Sharon Hargrave, pioneers of Restoration Therapy. They discuss the integration of psychology and theology, the importance of love and trust in relationships, and the journey of personal growth through therapy. The conversation highlights the collaborative nature of their work and the impact of their teachings on clinicians and couples alike. In this conversation, Terry Hargrave and Clint Davis explore the importance of self-regulation in relationships, emphasizing that personal growth and emotional health are crucial for intimacy. They discuss the role of faith in managing one's emotions and the transformative journey of Ron and Nan, who faced significant challenges in their marriage. The discussion highlights the power of confession and community support in healing, as well as the ongoing nature of personal growth and grace in relationships. https://www.restorationtherapytraining.com
In this episode I talk with my good friend and colleague, Michael Cox, who is a Licensed Professional Counselor, and contributor and instructor in the Restoration Therapy community that I am a part of. I appreciate Michael so much as a friend and colleague, and I admire the work he does with so many people, especially couples. In this episode we dig deep into marital work, and what typically brings couples into therapy, what helps them thrive, and where do they often get stuck. I hope that you enjoy this episode and find it's content helpful. Check out more of my work at my website www.rhettsmith.com
In this episode I talk with my good friend Nicole Zasowski, who is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and the author of several books: What if it's Wonderful, From Lost to Found, and Families and Forgiveness which she co-authored with Terry Hargrave. I so much respect the professional and personal work that Nicole does in her life, and she is a lifelong learner which I love. In this episode we dig deep into anxiety and looking at it through the framework of the Restoration Therapy model. I hope that you enjoy this episode and find it's content helpful. Check out more of my work at my website www.rhettsmith.com
On this episode, we are welcoming pureANIMAL's new ambassador, Dr Matthew Muir who shares his knowledge and experience on microbiome restoration therapy. Topics discussed include: Dr Matthew explains what microbiome restoration therapy (MRT) entails. The impact of antibiotics on the microbiome. The benefits of faecal microbiome transplant (FMT) - more than just bacteria. Dr Muir explains how to screen donors for MRT. What to look for and what to avoid. How effective is MRT and how does it compare to supplementing with probiotics? Oral vs rectal microbiome therapy approaches - Matthew explains the difference and benefits of both methods. How to prepare the recipient to optimise the effects of FMT. Dr Matthew explains the indications for faecal microbiome transplant beyond dysbiosis. How to gauge if the MRT was successful? Which dogs are not good candidates for an FMT, and which cases should vets be cautious about? How to approach cases of MRT that require antibiotics? Resources: https://vetmed.tamu.edu/gilab/service/assays/canine-microbiota-dysbiosis-index/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9534534/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9413255/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10017995/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
On this episode of the Brainy Moms podcast, Dr. Amy and Teri welcome back trauma therapist Clint Davis for the third time. He's appeared on two previous seasons of the podcast to discuss things like pornography and the dangers of social media for kids. Today, he joined us to discuss the topic of talking to your kids about sex and shares some wonderful insights from his new book, “Building Better Bridges: A Guide to Having Difficult Conversations that Can Save Our Children.” About Clint Davis: Clint Davis, MS, LPC is an Army Veteran with a bachelor's in psychology from Louisiana Tech University and a Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy from Fuller Theological Seminary. He is an ordained minister and Licensed Professional Counselor trained in EMDR for trauma, Restoration Therapy for couples and families, a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), and is a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT). He's also the host of his own podcast, Asking Why with Clint Davis. He has a new book called, “Building Better Bridges; A Guide to Having Difficult Conversations that Can Save Our Children.” Connect with Clint:https://www.instagram.com/clintdaviscounselingllc https://www.facebook.com/clintdaviscounseling Visit his website: http://www.clintdaviscounseling.com/ Listen to his podcast: https://clintdaviscounseling.com/askingwhy/ Visit Clint's YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCspNkrmUF_J-PrEUdzp4ylA CONNECT WITH US Website: www.TheBrainyMoms.com Email: info@TheBrainyMoms.com Social Media: @TheBrainyMoms Dr. Amy's website: www.AmyMoorePhD.comSponsor's website: www.LearningRx.com
Are you struggling to trust? Today on Healing the Broken Marriage, Brian & Elisha bring on Licensed Therapist, Madi Stonier to the conversation. Madi is a Licensed Therapist, President of One Life Counseling, and President of Healing Center SD Inc. Madi is a certified EMDR therapist; Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist; and trained in Restoration Therapy. Her experience and training is in trauma psychotherapy, post-care for victims of human trafficking, international missions, and Holy Spirit led healing. Tune in as Elisha and Madi discuss how to heal from hard things like trauma or betrayal and how to move forward with forgiveness when trust is broken. Madi shares why trust can be harder than forgiveness and she shares the path to healing and restoration. Trusting again after a betrayal is hard, but you can rebuild again. Tune in!www.healingcentersd.com
If you've personally experienced trauma or are interested in understanding how trauma impacts mental health, this episode includes valuable information, resources, and inspiration for you! In this episode, MommaFoxFire talks with Julie Hall about Trauma Healing & Emotion Focused Therapy. Thank you so much for listening - be sure to like/review/rate/subscribe on your favorite podcast platform - any support is super helpful! More about Julie: https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/julie-hall Short Bio: Julie works with students, parents, couples, and families around many issues including anxiety, depression, disordered eating, and trauma. In addition, she has walked many engaged and committed couples through premarital counseling. In part due to her own life experiences, Julie also has a deep desire to walk alongside women and couples who are experiencing fertility challenges and has provided clinical support and facilitation for the Pacific Northwest Mind/Body Fertility Program in Seattle. She is also experienced in facilitating various support groups for sexual abuse recovery and coping with divorce and grief. In addition, Julie has a heart for providing outreach to those in any stage of trauma recovery and life transition. Julie is trained in the practice of mindfulness, as well as Restoration Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, all of which are tools she uses in her work with families, couples and individuals to support them in their journey toward healing and wholeness. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mommafoxfire/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mommafoxfire/support
On today's episode, I'm pleased to bring you an expert guest, Julie Hall. We are talking about compassion! This episode is packed with life-changing nuggets that have the power to shift your awareness in areas you've been struggling with, perhaps your whole life. We cover: - What is compassion - Why do people fear giving compassion to themselves and others - How does compassion help us grow - What is "co-regulation" - Will compassion make us (or our kids or husbands) weak or lazy? Guest Information Julie Hall is an experienced clinician with a deep passion for supporting families, couples and individuals in their journey toward healing and wholeness. She focuses on building a collaborative, compassionate, safe and empowering experience for each client whom she encounters. Julie draws upon compassion and curiosity to foster a safe environment for clients to explore their lived experiences. Above all else, she desires for her clients to be seen, known, and valued. In her practice, Julie utilizes her training in Mindfulness, Emotion Focused Therapy, Restoration Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Solution Focused Therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to support her clients. Julie is licensed in the state of Connecticut with an office in Greenwich, CT, providing teletherapy options as well. Julie has lived in New Jersey, New York, San Francisco, and Seattle and now makes her home with her family in Connecticut. Juliehalltherapy.com Host Information Rebekah is a National Christian Speaker and Life Coach. She helps women of faith enjoy their life by knowing Jesus more deeply, internalizing truth, and building skills that help them thrive. Learn more about Rebekah: rebekah-anne.com Instagram @therealrebekahanne The Abundant Life Lab A Growth Group for Christian Women that Works. THE ABUNDANT LIFE LAB FOSTERS GROWTH, exactly where you need it SO YOU, CAN feel great AND ENJOY THE LIFE GOD HAS FOR YOU. Get started in 3 easy steps today at rebekahanneperkins.com/Abundant-Life-Lab-Christian-Life-Coaching
On this episode of the Brainy Moms parenting podcast, Dr. Amy and Teri welcome the return of trauma therapist Clint Davis to the show to share his insights about an uncomfortable topic: protecting your kids from sexual abuse and trauma. Beyond just recommending parental-control apps, Clint delves into the psychology behind age-appropriate curiosity, the impact of pornography on both children and adults, and the importance of creating a safe space for communication without shame. This is an episode that every parent needs to hear. About Clint Davis: Clint Davis, MS, LPC is an Army Veteran with a Bachelor's in Psychology from Louisiana Tech University and a Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy from Fuller Theological Seminary. He is an ordained minister and Licensed Professional Counselor trained in EMDR for trauma, Restoration Therapy for couples and families, a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), and is a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT). He's married to his wife Jacie and they have two sons, Grady and Jude. He's also a TEDx speaker and the host of his own podcast, Asking Why with Clint Davis.Connect with Clint:https://www.instagram.com/clintdaviscounselingllc https://www.facebook.com/clintdaviscounseling Visit his website: http://www.clintdaviscounseling.com/ Listen to his podcast: https://clintdaviscounseling.com/askingwhy/ Visit Clint's YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCspNkrmUF_J-PrEUdzp4ylA CONNECT WITH US Website: www.TheBrainyMoms.com Email: info@TheBrainyMoms.com Social Media: @TheBrainyMoms Dr. Amy's website: www.AmyMoorePhD.comSponsor's website: www.LearningRx.com
Do you ever feel insignificant? Like your contribution doesn't matter? If you're starting this new year wondering whether your life matters, you are in the right place. I'm talking with Rachael Adams about just how significant you are and how the little things you do can have a big impact if you're partnering with God. Rachael says “it isn't about doing more but trusting in the value of all the little you are already doing.” You'll hear us talk about… Rachael's search for her own significance Where our value comes from Why we feel insignificant How the small things matter Author of A Little Goes a Long Way and host of The Love Offering podcast Rachael Adams hopes to help women realize their God-given purpose and significance. She and her husband, Bryan, run a family business and farm in Kentucky with their two children, Will and Kate, and two dogs. Her work has been featured on Crosswalk, iBelieve, Today Parenting, and YouVersion. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE A Little Goes A Long Way: 52 Days to a Significant Life Ephesians 2:10 – For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. The Love Offering Podcast Lauren Daigle Song – You Say Zechariah 4:10 – Those who have made fun of this day of small beginnings will celebrate when they see Zerubbabel holding this important stone. RACHAELS'S FAVORITE 5 Woven by Angie Smith Harry and Meghan Documentary Kylie Jenner Lip Stick Dazzle Dry Nail Polish Madewell Jeans CONNECT WITH RACHAEL Instagram | Facebook | Website WORD OF THE YEAR – WORD STUDY You have your Word of the Year. Now what? Make it meaningful by studying what the Bible says about your word. Get Your Word Study! PAST NEW YEAR'S SERIES #78 [Making the Most of Your God-given Time] with Sarah K. Butterfield #79 [Manage Your Money on Mission] with Katie Jones #30 [Your Wellness for God's Glory] with Kara Osborne (Physical and Spiritual Wellness) #31 [Health in Your Enneagram Number] with Julie Short #9 [Restoration Therapy] with Nicole Zasowski (Infertility; Emotional and Relational Health) #8 [True Health] with Julie Watson (Movement, Nutrition + Including God in Your Health Journey)
In this episode, I chat it up with Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Julie Hall. Julie tells us about her own personal experiences with fertility, her past negative stigma of therapy, and how she shifted her restricted thoughts into her purpose of walking alongside women and couples who are experiencing fertility challenges, having a heart for providing outreach to those in any stage of trauma recovery and life transition. On top of being a LMFT, Julie is also trained in the practice of mindfulness, as well as Restoration Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, all of which are tools she uses in her work with families, couples and individuals to support them in their journey toward healing and wholeness. Catch this powerful episode as we drop some fire gems on self compassion, why we should shift away from using our "inner critic" to elevate ourselves, and MUCH MORE. COMPASSION. EMPOWERMENT. SAFETY BUILDING. Learn more about Julie at: https://www.juliehalltherapy.com/ *Support the Empowering Real Talk Podcast: $UPgradedMindsetZ - CashAPP PayPal: https://paypal.me/MyJourneyisNecessary?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US ****PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW**** We appreciate your feedback! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/empoweringrealtalk/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/empoweringrealtalk/support
The Living Truth Podcast - Freedom From Unwanted Sexual Behavior, Hope & Healing For the Betrayed
All destructive behaviors and unhealthy relational patterns are rooted in emotional pain that we don't know how to regulate. Marriage & Family Therapist and Professional Coach duo, Matthew & Joanna unpack the 4 step process used in Restoration Therapy. Learning to identify your core feelings and the repeat pain cycles we enter into with our spouse are the first steps toward taking our lives and marriages back from the patterns that have kept us stuck! Real change and healing are possible with these tools. The Living Truth Podcast is conversations that shed light on the deeper issues beneath porn addiction, sex addiction, & help for those enduring the devastation of sexual betrayal this causes.
Are you struggling to trust? Today on Healing the Broken Marriage, Brian & Elisha bring on Licensed Therapist, Madi Stonier to the conversation. Madi is a Licensed Therapist, President of One Life Counseling, and President of Healing Center SD Inc. Madi is a certified EMDR therapist; Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist; and trained in Restoration Therapy. Her experience and training is in trauma psychotherapy, post-care for victims of human trafficking, international missions, and Holy Spirit led healing. Tune in as Elisha and Madi discuss how to heal from hard things like trauma or betrayal and how to move forward with forgiveness when trust is broken. Madi shares why trust can be harder than forgiveness and she shares the path to healing and restoration. Trusting again after a betrayal is hard, but you can rebuild again. Tune in! www.healingcentersd.com
This week on the Southern Fried Philosophy Podcast: After a short break we're back! Biggun sounds like Batman, Erin loses her keys with fantastic sytle and Producer Brian doesn't need therapy so stop asking. We're joined by Special Guest Maria Russell of Kannapolis Counseling Group. Southern Fried Philosophy ****************************** Become an SFP Insider Today! Click the link to join us! Music SFP Intro - Lenny The Band YouTube subscribers Sponsors Watchman Cigar Level Up Logo Red Hill Brewing Crave Bath and Body How you be durrin - Crave Bath and Body Upcoming guests/events What Lies Between Us Zoom, Tuesday Nights 7-8:30PM CT Starting Tues, May 17th https://youtu.be/6vvrhao97KI https://join.brownicity.com/courses/wlbu-resources-Dan-Berry Follow up/Discuss School Shootings Memorial Day In the Pursuit of… Mental Health Maria Russell has always had a passion for helping individuals, couples, and families cope with difficulties in their lives. Her desire is to help clients experience healing and life change through faith-centered therapy. She is trained in EMDR, Restoration Therapy, and an EAGALA Trained Equine Therapist (www.willow-equine.com) as part of a Military Designated Program. Kannapoliscounseling.com
On our first episode of 2022 LCP and Restoration Therapist, Michael Cox, joins our program to share his extensive journey through the world of mental health and how to turn your pain into peace.
Summary:Wouldn't it be nice if we could know someone is grieving? In today's conversation we learn a bit more about grief and how to recognize it in both ourselves and others. Episode Notes:Julie Hall holds a Bachelor's of Science in Economics from New York University, a Master's in Business Administration from Rutgers University and a Master's of Science in Marriage and Therapy from Seattle Pacific University. Julie is trained in Restoration Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, all of which are tools she uses in her work with families, couples and individuals to support them in their journey toward healing and wholeness. Julie is licensed in the state of Connecticut as an LMFT. Julie has lived in New Jersey, New York, San Francisco, Seattle and now makes her home with her husband and daughter in Greenwich, CT.Contact: www.asiliveandgrieve.cominfo@asiliveandgrieve.com Facebook: As I Live and Grieve Instagram: @asiliveandgrieve To Reach Julie: Phone: 203 998 5460Email: Juliehalltherapy@gmail.comLearn more at www.juliehalltherapy.comCredits: Music by Kevin MacLeod
Clint Davis is an Army Veteran who has a Bachelor's in Psychology from Louisiana Tech University and a Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy from Fuller Theological Seminary. He is an ordained minister and Licensed Professional Counselor trained in EMDR for trauma, Restoration Therapy for couples and families, a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP) and is also a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT). Clint owns Clint Davis Counseling and Integrative Wellness where he has a team of Mental Health Professionals, Doctors, Chiropractors and Dietitians who help people recover from trauma to the mind, body, and spirit. He is also currently the Director of Recovery for The Hub: Urban Ministry that works to fight against poverty and human trafficking. He is married to his wife Jacie and has two sons Grady (6) and Jude (3). https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/asking-why/id1527892108Facebook and Instagram @clintdaviscounselingllc www.clintdaviscounseling.com Clint Davis, M.S., LPC, CSAT, CCTPFounder of Clint Davis Counseling & Integrative WellnessLicensed Professional CounselorCertified Sexual Addictions TherapistCertified Clinical Trauma ProfessionalEMDR providerGratis Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at LSU Health ShreveportDirector of Recovery for The Hub: Urban MinistriesClinical Supervisor at GREAT (Great Results Equine Assisted Therapies) Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/MINDFULLYINTEGRATIVE)
This week in the final episode of the Marriage Is Series, Havilah chats with Dr. Clint Davis who talks about trauma within a marriage and what to do if there has been a betrayal or trauma within the marriage. What do you do if your marriage is ‘broken'? Covid has done a number on marriages. Pastors report seeing more divorces in the past year than they have in all of their cumulative years in ministry. Why? Dr. Clint explains that up until covid and the lockdowns we had maladaptive coping skills and were able to distract ourselves until we were all given no where else to turn but our homes. It either drove people closer or the wheels came off. Listen in as Havilah and Dr. Clint discuss how we try to put bandaids over bullet holes, how important community is for healthy feedback to know whether or not your situation is truly abusive, and how to heal from betrayal trauma. Clint Davis is an Army Veteran who has a Bachelor's in Psychology from Louisiana Tech University and Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy from Fuller Theological Seminary. He is an ordained minister and Licensed Professional Counselor trained in EMDR for trauma, Restoration Therapy for couples and families, a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP) and is also a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT). Clint owns Clint Davis Counseling and Integrative Wellness where he has a team of Mental Health Professionals, Doctors, Chiropractors and Dietitians who help people recover from trauma to the mind, body, and spirit. He is also currently the Director of Recovery for The Hub: Urban Ministry that works to fight against poverty and human trafficking. He is married to his wife Jacie and has two sons Grady (6) and Jude (3). https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/asking-why/id1527892108 Facebook and Instagram @clintdaviscounselingllc www.clintdaviscounseling.com Learn more and connect with Havilah: + havilahcunnington.com + truthtotable.com + theinfluencertable.com
Matt Finch interviews Chris Engen, Founder of Nutrition 4 Recovery, on biochemical restoration therapies for addiction recovery, including amino acid therapy, nutritional therapies, fixing hypoglycemia, food allergies and sensitivities, gut health, and much more. Chris is Board Certified in Holistic Nutrition and holds a Nutrition Consultant Certificate as well as an Advanced Certification as a Recovery Nutrition Coach.
Today we reflect on themes of love and safety (the two core emotions according to Restoration Therapy) in Psalm 25. Here is the translation of the Psalm read at the end of the sermon (translation by Matt Rundio): Psalm 25:1-2, 4-7, 16, 19, 20 I lift my heart to the Lord! My God, I trust in you. Please don’t let me be shamed. Don’t let enemies triumph over me. Show me your ways, O Lord. Teach me your ways. Guide me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation, I wait in hope for you all day long. Lord, remember your tender mercies and your loving kindness, for they are ever enduring. Don’t remember the mistakes of my youth nor my willful sins but remember me according to your loving kindness, for you are good, O Lord. Pay attention to me, and have mercy on me, for I am lonesome and suffering. Consider my enemies, for they are many. They hate me with cruel hatred. Please guard my life, and rescue me. Keep me from disappointment, for you are my safe place.
My conversation this week could not have come at a better time. I want to continue to bring encouraging and inspiring content to you during these unprecedented times. We are meant to live in community, and while we are social distancing right now, it can feel strange as many of us are wondering how we will communicate with our friends, family, and coworkers in new ways. If you’re married, your marriage could feel strained because you and your spouse are in closer proximity with each other all the time. It’s important to be focusing on those relationships and what matters most while we’re navigating this new and uncharted way of staying connected. My guest this week is Nicole Zasowski, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, writer, and speaker. She lives in a small town just outside New York City with her husband Jimmy and her two sons. With the vulnerability of your closest friends, and the wisdom of your most trusted resource, Nicole reveals her own story of how challenges such as unwanted transition, multiple miscarriages, and crippling anxiety gave her empty hands to receive everything she had been looking for in the presence and person of Jesus Christ. She’s also the author of the new book, From Lost to Found: Giving Up What You Think You Want for What Will Set You Free. I loved this conversation and listening back to it over the last week or so has really ministered to my heart, and I know it will to you too. 5:36 - The Nicole 101 Nicole is a Marriage and Family Therapist who has a private practice in Connecticut, and is also on staff with an organization called The Hideaway Experience, a marriage intensive that works with four to five couples for four days. Nicole just published her first book, From Lost to Found, that weaves her personal story with her professional therapy experience and faith journey. It wasn’t until she started writing the book that she realized she’d been missing out on the freedom she helped her clients find. Nicole specializes in working with couples and sees individual clients of all ages. She is careful to hear their stories in the context of the family people grew up in or the systems they’re a part of currently. She studied abroad her entire sophomore year of college, living with 50 other college students and a faculty family from her school in one house. The experience fostered many unique conversations with young people asking, “Who am I?”, and “What is my purpose in life?” Nicole has always enjoyed one-on-one, deep conversations with people and her classmates turned to her as “the house therapist.” She became someone whom many classmates trusted with their struggles. The faculty member who went with the students happened to be the head of the psychology department at Nicole’s college. She took Nicole out for coffee at the end of the year and asked Nicole “Are you sure you don’t want to be a therapist?” It became clear to Nicole right away that it was exactly what she wanted to do. After that, Nicole changed all her courses and went straight into a graduate program in Marriage and Family Therapy after completing her undergraduate degree. Nicole admits that therapy is a challenging fit for her personality type. She struggles with performance and wants to know that she can conquer a given task. But often therapy is messy, often with no clear-cut answers. That’s what tethers her to the hope of Christ and His strength. 12:03 – Counseling, Transitions, and Maintenance Nicole and her husband experienced a big transition when they moved from California to Connecticut, where Nicole built a successful private practice. For her own marriage, Nicole’s attitude is that everyone is learning and growing. While she’s learned a lot in school and through her clients, it’s an entirely different thing to apply those lessons to her own relationships. She recognizes that as soon as she loses touch with the fact that she needs to learn and grow too is when she’s in trouble. Nicole’s husband is familiar with the model of therapy she uses, called Restoration Therapy, and they work on their relationship together; they use the same model Nicole uses for her clients. Many people view therapy as something to start when things are hard. The more we can de-stigmatize counseling and marriage counseling, the more people will realize that grief is much more manageable when it’s something we add to our lives as a regular habit. For many, starting counseling feels like admitting that there’s a problem, but that doesn’t have to be the case. It helps anyone in any type of relationship navigate communication so that you’re not suddenly blindsided by a problem in your most important relationships or in your own personal growth. 22:51 – The Tapestry from Loss In her book, Nicole shares about a season of life where she experienced much change and loss, including having five miscarriages. She believes wholeheartedly that God is not the author of our suffering but loves us too much to waste our suffering. Nicole was left empty-handed from her experience, and it took idols away that she’d relied on for too long to feel safe and secure. It was very painful, losing five precious babies, being unsure of where her identity came from and what would make her feel safe. She learned that “only empty hands are open.” Nicole’s open hands were ready to receive a totally different picture of who God really is. It allowed for a deeper intimacy between Nicole and God that has transformed loss and change into different and new blessings. It isn’t calling tragedy good. The Bible makes a clear distinction between something good and something being worked for good. God does not want to punish us with suffering. Our world is broken, and God’s word says we will have trouble. He also says He’s overcome that trouble. Our hope is not in what God can do for us but in us; that he will not waste any of it, but use it to bring us closer to Him. We have a choice to run away from God or draw close to Him. We all have different ways of running, and Nicole’s was to perform for God. She thought she could show Him that she’d learned her lesson, but that is exactly what kept her from being honest with God and asking Him what He had for her in her pain. God wants us to invite Him into our feelings and the places we’ve been taught to keep closed off. Through our pain, we can get to know God’s character. The Bible lets us see the ways Jesus grieved during his time on Earth, even when He knew the reason for it, or that the outcome would eventually be victorious. God came into our full human experience and gave us the gift of being allowed to grieve. We see in Jesus’ moments of grief that He turns to God. Even when Jesus knew he’d bring Lazarus back from death, He still paused to grieve the pain of loss. The way of empathy for others is not bearing the responsibility of fixing their grief, but rather sitting with them while they experience it. 43:25 - Getting to Know Our Guest Learn some funny and interesting things about Nicole like what part of a kid’s movie has completely scarred her, what one thing she’d do differently if she knew no one would judge her, and something we’d never guess about her. Stay tuned to hear what it means to Nicole to run a business with purpose. You can order Nicole’s new book from her website and on Amazon! Connect with Nicole here: https://www.nicolezasowski.com/ http://www.instagram.com/nicolezasowski http://www.instagram.com/nicolezasowski Memorable Quotes: 6:51 - “I did not realize that I was personally missing out on the freedom that I was so passionate about helping my clients find for many years, and it wasn’t until I confronted my own painful season that I realized that I actually had not been practicing any of the things that I encourage my clients to practice.” 19:52 - “I’m more human than therapist. I’m not sitting here with perfection and nothing to work on myself. We are all in this journey together, and if I can use what I’ve learned through my training and my work with couples to help you along, just know that I need that too in my own life.” 24:26 – “What He did through a season of a log of change and a lot of loss in my life, was took my hands off of false securities that were promising way more than they could deliver but had always ‘worked’ for me in terms of feeling valued and safe.” 25:45 - “Would I have preferred to carry on with my comfortable way of living in my false and small idea of who God was and with the relationship I had with Him at the time? I thought was really good, but what I know now is so much more of His character, and there’s such a deeper intimacy between the two of us, and that has been the biggest gift to me.”
In this episode I discuss the topic of singleness with my colleague Kelly Haer. Kelly is on staff at Pepperdine University in the Boone Center for the Family where she is the Relationship IQ Director. Kelly is a part of the teaching group that I am a part of that meets with and trains ministry leaders 3-4 times a year on issues that are impacting the church. In our time together we works towards equipping these leaders to more successfully address the issues that they come across in the local church. Singleness happens to be one of those topics that many churches are struggling to address, especially during a period of time where more and more people are not getting married, yet ministry often targets marriage and family. Kelly addresses this issue at length in our free e-book, Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders: Restoring Relationships and Building Community During Difficult Conversations. In this e-book, and in this conversation, she discusses the current state of singleness in the United States, its impact in the church, and how Restoration Therapy provides a tool to best address this issue. Mentioned in the Episode Kelly Haer Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders: Restoring Relationships and Building Community During Difficult Conversations
In this episode I get to sit down with a colleague of mine who I have been getting to know more over the last couple of years in our collaborative work together around Restoration Therapy and ministry leaders. Robert Scholz is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, consultant and writer, who specializes in helping individuals and families who are struggling with addictions. I am so glad to have Robert on the podcast, as addictions is something that I come into contact almost everyday in my work, but it's not something that I specialize in. So thankfully I have skilled people like Robert that I can refer to. In this episode we dive into what an addiction is, it's characteristics, and how it is defined. And we explore the impact of addiction on relationships, and more specifically drugs and alcohol, while also touching on the rampant and addictive nature of vaping. Mentioned in the Episode Robert Scholz Website Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders: Restoring Relationships and Building Community During Difficult Conversations
In this episode I spend some time in conversation with Terry and Sharon Hargrave. Terry is the founder of Restoration Therapy and is the Evelyn and Frank Freed Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Fuller Theological Seminary and Sharon is the Executive Director of the Boone Center for the Family at Pepperdine University, as well as the founder and director of Relate Strong. I have known this couple for about 8 years, and not only do I consider them close friends, but I am a huge fan of them. Restoration Therapy has changed my life and practice, and my wife and I have also trained together in Relate Strong. I can not say enough nice things about Terry and Sharon, and the impact they are making upon the world. In this episode we explore some of the early roots of Restoration Therapy and Relate Strong, and why we are bringing this work to ministry leaders in our workshops that we do several times a year. Mentioned in the Episode Download your free copy of Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders Restoration Therapy by Terry Hargrave and Franz Pfitzer Relate Strong
This episode is somewhat of a continuation of Episode 115 where I reflected both theologically and psychologically on the biblical text found in Genesis 1-3 (and a little of 4). Those opening chapters have lots of insight and implications for us relationally. In this episode I want to pick up on some of those themes, especially the idea of self-differentiation, and focus on how Restoration Therapy lends itself nicely to this concept. I think you will find this a helpful episode in understand you and your relationships better.
Nicole is a licensed marriage and family therapist, writer, and speaker based in the state of Connecticut where she lives with her husband and son. As an old soul who wears her heart proudly on her sleeve, Nicole loves using her words to help others find an enduring peace and joy outside of circumstance. Today on the show Nicole and I start our conversation talking about identity. She shares how her cross-country move forced her to leave behind her connections, her reputation and everything she had built by her performance. She tells us that when everything you’ve built for yourself in this life is stripped away, God shows you where your real identity lies. Nicole talks about her struggle with infertility, including five miscarriages, and the pain and loss she’s experienced because of it, but how God’s truth in her life never changes. She talks about finding joy in Christ’s presence, finding hope in the struggle. Nicole has a refreshing take on being the recipient of precious lessons through pain. Nicole and I walk through the definitions of emotional and relational health, and she tells us how they’re so closely tied together. We talk about individual counseling and group marriage counseling (yes, group!). She also gives some guidance on how to examine and take steps to improve our own emotional health. We chat about working to put people before projects and welcoming the interruptions in our days. Nicole shares her thoughts on working a room and making others feel valued rather than focusing on yourself. Explore more of Nicole’s story and how she finds peace and joy outside of circumstance when her first book hits shelves in early 2020!
Stephenie Lievense is a wife and mom to 2 boys, as well as a Marriage & Family Therapist. She owns a private practice in La Canada, and is an adjunct professor at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, CA. She specializes in couples work using the Restoration Therapy Model by Dr Terry Hargrave. In this episode we discuss this Therapy Model and how people can move from Pain to Peace. Stephenie shares some experiences that have developed inner strength and the lessons she learned from going through hard things. She talks about her journey of health & wellness, and gives some tips for self care. Stephenie has taught me how to love life and embrace the moment. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/balancedbybeth/support
My guest for The Happy Hour #212 is Nicole Zasowski. Nicole is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Connecticut where she lives with her husband, Jimmy and her son, James. As an old soul who wears her heart proudly on her sleeve, Nicole also enjoys writing about her story and the way she sees God moving and molding her through it. Her first book is due to come out in January 2020! Alright friends, get your hearts ready because on today's show Nicole and I talk about feelings. Whether you're cringing or leaping with joy at this news, I promise this show is for you and you will be encouraged by her words. As Nicole shares at the start of the show, we can't believe the lie that no one can understand our pain because we all at some point experience pain ... and, we all have strategies we use to try protect ourselves from pain. Nicole shares her own story of how she realized her self-protection strategies were no longer working. It started with a cross-country move 7 years ago, and since then she has also had to walk through 5 miscarriages in just 4 years. She admits that it was hard to face that her strategies weren't the answer, but when she was truly honest with herself and others, she started to "find a way through, not a way out" of the pain. Nicole also offers specific advice on how to walk along side a friend going through hard times. In the second half of the show, Nicole explains more about the Restoration Therapy model she uses that focuses on how we each have encountered love and trust. She also fills us in on what those protection strategies we use can look like. You guys, I think we can all identify ways we stuff our feelings or protect ourselves from pain. But, as Nicole said, our short term solution is just creating long-term pain. God does not love us any less when we grieve or hurt. He loves us through ALL of it, and He already knows our hearts. I loved talking with Nicole today, and I hope that you feel encouraged in the freedom you can experience when we are honest with God, ourselves, and each other! {You can listen to the show HERE, and make sure you never miss a Happy Hour - subscribe using your favorite podcast app (ie. iTunes, Google Play). And of course, I would love if you would share with your friends!} Links from the Show Nicole's website The Hideaway Experience | Marriage Intensives Therapists trained in Restoration Therapy What Nicole is loving: The seven year ballpoint pen, University of Washington Husky Football Team What Nicole is reading: She Reads Truth Bible, The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan, Forgiving God by Hilary Yancey Educated by Tara Westover ERLC National Conference Oct 11-13 - code: happyhour for 30% off tickets Connect with Nicole Facebook // Twitter // Instagram Connect with Jamie + The Happy Hour Facebook // Twitter // Instagram // YouTube Stay connected and subscribe to The Happy Hour Newsletter! Do you love The Happy Hour? If so, we'd love if you'd leave a review! Sponsors Build A Bear Workshop - Join the Bonus Club for free! Mercy Like Morning by Jane Johnson Zip Recruiter - Try it for Free! Away Luggage - Get $20 off with code: happyhour
One of the reasons many couples can't solve conflict in their relationship is because they often get stuck thinking that their argument is really about the topic at hand (i.e. money, sex, parenting, work, inlaws, etc.). And as long as they believe that, then they will stay perpetually stuck. What I've learned in my experience as a therapist is that the problem isn't about the topic, but rather the problem is the negative pattern of interaction that the couple has created over time in their relationship as they try to work through problems. I'm obviously not the first to come to this conclusion, but this point has become more clear to me day by day in my work. I think that many of us counselors are guilty of sometimes just focusing on better communication techniques (which are super important), rather than helping a couple understand their underlying destructive pattern of interaction. My work in Restoration Therapy really helped me understand how guilty I was of this, and it helped provide me with a new framework to use in relationships with the Pain and Peace Cycle which I have talked about in many podcast episodes. When a couple can become aware of and understand their destructive pattern of interaction (their Pain Cycle), and they can construct and practice a new positive pattern of interaction (their Peace Cycle), then they are ultimately able to create a safe connection, which will lead to the solving of issues if that was their primary goal (because sometimes the goal is just to connect). People and Resources Mentioned in This Episode Terry Hargrave and Restoration Therapy
This is a very short podcast episode, but it's a really important one. One of the most important tasks I have in the counseling room is to help people to discern between what their feelings and coping behaviors are. In fact, I spend a lot of time helping people understand their feelings, and what coping behaviors they often lead to. When a person understands this level of awareness, they are often able to do deeper work and gain not only the insight they desired, but achieve the transformational change they were seeking. But one of the things I started to learn during my training under Terry Hargrave in Restoration Therapy, is that not only the feelings that I thought were feelings....were really feelings. For example, I always classified anxiety and anger and depression for example as feelings. You would find me saying things like "I'm feeling really anxious right now", or "I woke up feeling depressed today." And people I work with in my office would often say the same thing. Terry Hargrave helped me really begin to understand that those things that I thought were feelings, were really coping behaviors. For example, I wasn't feeling anxious, I was becoming anxious (I was doing anxiety if you will), because underneath the surface I was feeling inadequate. Now if someone comes into my office saying they feel anxious, or feel angry, or feel depressed for example, I will run with that for the time being as I'm trying to understand them. But my work as a therapist (especially if I'm going to be a therapist who can help them), is to really help them distinguish between feeling and action. I don't want to get caught chasing what I think is a feeling, and is really a coping behavior. Then I end up just focused on the behavior and trying to provide more tools for someone to work on that behavior. Instead, what I want to do is address the core underlying feelings of that behavior. When I can help someone do that, then I'm that much closer to really helping them get on the pathway to healing. There are other coping behaviors often disguised as feelings, but I see anxiety and anger and depression come up the most. So in this episode I took a little bit of time to talk about this, and why I think it's an important distinction.
A couple of weeks ago, my colleagues and I at Thriiive Practices did a lecture for the Meadow's lecture series on emotional regulation. What is emotional regulation? It's essentially one's ability to control or manage their automatic, reactive responses to an emotional trigger, and instead, respond accordingly (and in a healthy manner). That is my definition of sorts, though I say it a lot of different ways. My mentor Terry Hargrave in my training for Restoration Therapy said at one point to our training group, "emotional regulation is the name of the game." And it is. As you look at the mounting research on the brain, especially through fMRI scans and other data, we find that one's ability to emotionally regulate themselves is the key to healthy relationships. If you want a more thorough definition, read this. Or if you want a really good, but simple understanding of it, check out Dan Siegel's demonstration of his strategy of name it to tame it. I've also written about this strategy here. In this episode I talk about what emotional regulation is and why it's so important. Resources Mentioned in Episode Terry Hargrave Restoration Therapy Dan Siegel Tina Payne Bryson The Whole Brain Child
I read a lot of books, but I don't consider myself the best book reviewer. Even though I read with pen in hand and underline and take notes throughout my books, I'm not great at writing about the details. But what sticks out to me are those big ideas in a book...the ones that you can't stop thinking about. The ones that cause paradigm shifts within. Those I obsessively think about, and figure out ways to practice them in my own personal life, and in the work of my clients in my therapy practice. Over the last two years, four books have stood out in my mind like no other because of some lasting ideas that have created big change for me. Some of these books are fairly new (like this year) and others are a few years old. But their thoughts are ones that I have been writing and speaking about a lot the last 18 months. And I have found ways to implement the ideas into multiple areas of my life (parenting, marriage, running, therapy practice, etc.). So I want to mention these 4 books to you and the big ideas that are sticking in my brain and impacting my life. And then I will also mention two other books that have stuck with me, but if you have to read only 4...then I'm sticking with the original four I'm discussing. Book 1: Grit: The Power and Passion of Perseverance by Angela Duckworth --This book was absolutely amazing. But there is one thing I keep coming back to time and time again. In the book Duckworth talks about the importance of deliberate practice and flow. The takeaway for me is that we can never reach a flow state, or become great at what we do unless we deliberately practice over and over and over again. This has absolutely changed how I work with clients. Even though I always gave them things to practice, I'm now convinced more than ever that change doesn't occur without this practice. Michael Jordan doesn't reach that flow state in a playoff game unless he deliberately practied 10,000's of hours. Michael Phelps never reaches that flow state unless he swam lap after lap after lap, and visualized himself swimming every stroke of a race before racing. Couples don't change negative patterns of behavior (pain cycle) and create new ones (peace cycle) without deliberate practice. But when they do, the flow is beautiful to watch in a relationship. She writes, "First, deliberate practice is a behavior, and flow is an experience." Book 2: Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown --This book was also amazing. I had already been listening to The Minimalists podcast and been exploring this idea. I have always been attracted to minimalism and it's aesthetic, but he takes the understanding of essentialism and brings it into real practical, real world examples that I could employ. A lot of things stood out to me, but I loved this quote, "Remember that if you don't prioritize your life someone else will.” I started realizing that if I didn't take control of my life and prioritize what was important, I would never accomplish the big goals in my life. And prioritizing helped me really come back to the essentials and what I wanted to do in my marriage, parenting and work. Book 3: Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport --I only read this book back in March or so, but it has already changed a lot of how I work and how I think about work. His recommended experiments with social media abstinence already produced higher levels of focus and output in my life, and it has helped increase my enjoyment in life and my connection with other people. Newport makes a compelling case for the future of work will be dependent on those who are able to stay focused, cut out distractions and work at a very deep level. Those who can't do this will find it ever increasingly hard to find work. He writes, “If you don’t produce, you won’t thrive—no matter how skilled or talented you are.” Newport also gets a lot into the brain science behind distraction and deep work, and it resonates deeply with the work I do with Restoration Therapy. This is just one of those books you read and you keep saying "wow....wow", and it lead to a a lot of conviction that created healthy change. Book 4: Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout, and Thrive with the New Science of Success by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness --I just finished this book in June while on vacation. What I loved about this book the most is that I felt it was a culmination of the three books above, but they take it a step further. They get into the importance of deliberate practice and flow, and they talk about why it's important to become an essentialist, and they talk about the brain science...but then they put it all into a real practical framework that you can start practicing yourself. Their chapter and tool to help you develop a personal purpose statement is worth the book alone. This book just brought everything home to me in a very powerful way. I highly recommend this book. The corresponding themes that these books contain, and what resonates so powerfully for me in my own life and my therapeutic work is this: they all get the importance of the newest brain science and how emotional regulation is everything. In my work, a client or couple who can't emotionally self-regulate won't be able to create change. they all get the importance of essentialism, and minimalizing your life in order to really focus on what is important. they all get the importance of working at a deep level, void of distraction. they all get the importance of deliberate practice and how that leads to flow. they all get the importance of purpose. And all these things are crucial in counseling and therapy, and in creating change and getting to transformation. I talk about two other books in this podcast episode as well, but I don't write about above are: The Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family: A Leadership Fable? About Restoring Sanity to the Most Important Organization in Your Life by Patrick Lencioni. I read this book back in 2010 and have written and talked about it extensively, and even recorded a podcast episode on it last year. I love the book, but I feel that the purpose stuff in Peak Performance is easier for people to complete than in this book. But I love this book and highly recommend. Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why? by Laurence Gonzalez. This is a great book filled with stories of survival and tragedy. Gonzalez dives in real deep to how our brain works in survival/panic/conflict situations, and why the ability to remain calm (emotionally regulate) means everything often to who survives. This book just reiterated even more the work of emotional self-regulation in therapy work, but is attached in the context of wilderness stories. It's a great read.
One of the things that I hear as a counselor a lot, typically near the end of an intake session with a client, is the question, "How is this going to look?" The question can be asked in a variety of ways, but what is implicit is usually either some form of anxiety over the next steps, or just a general curiosity about what people are signing up for when they enter into counseling. Counseling can vary greatly from counselor to counselor, and with that, there can be a variety of varied expectations then that people going through counseling have. Some people have been to a lot of counseling and all their experiences are different, while some people have still not been to counseling, and wonder what that experience will look like. Something I have tried to do a lot more in the last 4-5 years of my private practice is properly set expectations with clients when they come into see me for the first time. Whether they ask the question first, or I initiate the conversation, I usually try to walk clients through a general "roadmap" or "pathway" of what counseling might look like. I let them know that things can always change, and this is only a first session, but here is what I think will work best based on what you are telling me, the goals you have, and the experience that I bring to our sessions. I also always follow up with every client via email after the first session (usually within a few hours, but rarely longer than 24 hours later). In that email I talk about our first session, what I heard, the goals that I think they have, the issues we could explore together. And in that email I lay out a big overview of the counseling process, listing the significant pieces, as well as narrowing down on the next steps. And I usually always attach some type of "hoomework" in that initial email so that client's can begin engaging in the process. Based on all my experience as a therapist both pastorally and clinically, as well as my experience in training and sitting across from a therapist in my own counseling, here is what I find to be most helpful in terms of a "roadmap" for counseling. Now of course, I hope to continue to grow and learn as a therapist, so these thoughts are only a point in time, but I think most of the framework will always exist for me, with tweaks along the way. First, I think it's important that the therapist helps the client engage in some type of work in and out of session that involves the work of insight, which is simply, the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing. This type of work can be done in a lot of ways, but for me it usually involves work around one's family of origin issues (i.e. family genogram, etc.), as well as walking through someone's personal stories and experience. Second, I do the work of helping a person take that insight, and I help them identify and create their Pain Cycle. This Pain Cycle is often referred to by other names, but in the work I do with Restoration Therapy, that is what it is called. It's essentially the process of helping one identify their negative pattern of behavior by helping them locate their core feelings and the coping behaviors that flow from them. This is often us in our most primal, reactive state. When you think of fight or flight, and the amygdala getting triggered, this is the pattern that comes up. Though not all of our reactive states are negative, a lot of them are in relational conflict, which is what I work a lot with both in my work with individuals and couples. If I frame it from a faith perspective, this is the old self at work that Paul refers to in Ephesians 4:22. Third, I do the work of helping a person take their insight, and I help them identify and create their Peace Cycle. The Peace Cycle is also referred to by other names in other theories, but in Restoration Therapy this is what we refer to it as. The Peace Cycle is ourselves when we are emotionally regulated. Think about what you are like when you are living in your truth, or think of yourself in a centered and grounded state. When you are in this place, what actions flow from that. This is you in your Peace Cycle. Again, if I frame this in a faith perspective, this is the new self at work that Paul refers to in Ephesians 4:23. The Pain and Peace Cycle is part of the work of insight, and the Peace Cycle is the step that helps up a person move from emotional dysregulation to emotional regulation. Fourth, as we are doing the work of insight and the Pain and Peace Cycle (because though I'm laying things out in a linear fashion...therapy, or growth itself is not always linear. I find that all these steps are engaged consecutively in the therapeutic process), I help clients find ways to practice the insight that they have. What I believe is that you can have all the insight in the world, but if you don't practice it in some way, you don't change. You don't get transformation. In the Restoration Therapy model I use the 4 steps to help clients practice: 1) Say what you feel; 2) Say what you normally do; 3) Say your truth; 4) Say what you will do differently (your action) and do it. This is one way that I help clients practice. I literally map out their Pain and Peace Cycle on my whiteboard in almost every session to some degree. I also draw up their cycles and steps on a large poster sheet that I ask them to take home and hang up in their closet so that they see it everyday and start to not only become more aware of it, but practice it. There are lots of other ways to have people practice insight from a variety of tools to experimental exercises. Regardless of what tools I give them to practice, I believe practice is essential. Fifth, we come to transformation. I believe transformation is the culmination of taking one's insight and putting it into practice. And though we could think of transformation as the ultimate goal, it's really just the beginning. Once someone experiences transformation in one area of their life, then they often become excited to seek transformation in other areas of their life as well. So if there is a visual roadmap I give to clients and that I work from...in short it is something like this. Insight + Pain Cycle + Peace Cycle + Practice = Transformation. There are lot of details and nuances in these steps, but this is what I have found to be most helpful. So if you come work with me in my private practice in Plano, Texas, you will most likely hear me talk about something like this. Whether you come in for marriage counseling or individual counseling around anxiety and depression, I will probably lay out some roadmap for you that looks like this. Check out this podcast to find out more about this process. In this episode I discuss: the importance of a therapeutic roadmap the work of insight in therapy the Pain Cycle work in therapy the Peace Cycle work in therapy the work of practice in therapy transformation in therapy Resources Mentioned in this Episode Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy by Terry Hargrave and Franz Pfitzer Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to speak to a group of employees for Marriott Hotels here in the local Dallas area. It was a great opportunity to help others understand how to have healthy relationships in and out of the work place by beginning to take care of themselves. So in this podcast episode I share what I shared with them: helping them understand how they are part of a larger system in which they are an emotional unit of. helping them understand that we are all "wired" from our early experiences, especially in our family of origin. I talked about our "wiring" around Love and Trust from the work of Terry Hargrave in Restoration Therapy. helping them how they are specifically "wired", by helping them identify their violations of love and trust and connecting their feelings to their coping. helping them to understand what self-care is, and how the practice of it can help them better emotionally self-regulate, therefore, helping them have a better relationship with themselves, and those in and out of the workplace. and ultimately I gave them some practice steps to take home with them. Link to Episode 93 Resources Mentioned in Episode 93 Restoration Therapy Violations of Love and Trust Self-Care and Relationships
One of the things that I have come to believe through my work with clients, and through my own personal work, is that insight alone is usually not enough to create change. That insight has to be coupled with practice, and lots of it to create the change, and ultimately the transformation we desire. We could also say the same if we flipped it in reverse. Practice alone, without any insight, will also not create change. I have been greatly influenced by this idea through a couple of key writings. One is the work of my mentor and friend Dr. Terry Hargrave out of Fuller Theological Seminary, his book Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy, along with my training with him, has been transformative in my life. His model of the Pain and Peace Cycle, alone with four very practical steps has been a game changer in my life and the life of many. I have also really been influenced by the work of Angela Duckworth, and more specifically, her book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. In her book she delineates between deliberate practice and flow, and talks about how flow comes out of deliberate practice. What I have experienced through the Restoration Therapy model is that the more individuals, couples, etc, practice their Pain and Peace Cycles, they can often get to flow states where it feels very natural, and habitual. But that transformational experience is only experienced because of the combination of insight and practice. Without both, flow and change isn't experienced. I'm currently reading a really good book by Laurence Gonzales called Deep Survival:Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why. In this book he writes the following: While the pathways from the amygdala to the neocortex are stronger and faster than the ones going the other way, some ability may remain for the neocortex to do the following: First, to recognize that there is an emotional response underway. Second, to read reality and perceive circumstances correctly. Third, to override or modulate the automatic reaction if it is an inappropriate one; and fourth, to select a correct course of action. (location 876-886/Kindle) He then goes on to write: When you learn something complex, such as flying, snowboarding, or playing tennis or golf, at first you must think through each move. That is called explicit learning, and it’s stored in explicit memory, the kind you can talk about, the kind that allows you to remember a recipe for lasagna. But as you gain more experience, you begin to do the task less consciously. You develop flow, touch, timing— a feel for it. It becomes second nature, a thing of beauty. That’s known as implicit learning. The two neurological systems of explicit and implicit learning are quite separate. Implicit memories are unconscious. Implicit learning is like a natural smile: It comes by way of a different neural pathway from the one that carries explicit memory. (location 896/Kindle) After I read this I thought to myself, this are the steps Restoration Therapy model of the Pain and Peace Cycle. And he's talking about deliberate practice and flow states. Why is all of this important? Because whether we are talking about life and death situations like in Deep Survival, or conflict in relationships like in Restoration Therapy, or athletic and artistic performance in Grit....they are all about a certain level of awareness (insight) that requires us to practice, and it's in doing so that we create change and make better decisions, and move closer to transformational flow. In this episode: I talk about the 4 steps of the Restoration Therapy model I talk about deliberate practice and flow I connect the brain theory writing in Deep Survival to both Restoration Therapy and Grit I talk about how you can experiment with your own insight+practice= transformational flow this week. Resources Mentioned Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy by Dr. Terry Hargrave Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth Deep Survival:Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why by Laurence Gonzales
Last weekend I had the humbling opportunity to speak at the first ever Restoration Therapy Conference which was held at Pepperdine University in Malibu, CA. When the founder of the model, Dr. Terry Hargrave asked med to present on anxiety and the Restoration Therapy model, I knew it was an invitation that I couldn't refuse. I consider Dr. Hargrave not only a mentor, but also a friend, so I definitely wanted to participate in anything he was doing. But I also knew I would be anxious for several months leading up to my presentation. And I was. But it was a great time to be with a bunch of other therapists and researches who are on the ground floor in the ongoing development of the Restoration Therapy model. I won't go into details in this post since you will hear more in this episode. But I've been using Restoration Therapy as my primary therapeutic model since about 2010 when I was first exposed to it co-leading marriage intensives at The Hideaway Experience in Amarillo, TX. I did not know the model as Restoration Therapy at the time, but rather as The 5 Days to a New Marriage model...and essentially, the Pain and Peace Cycle model. But no model has changed my life more than this one. And no model has helped my clients more than this one. I have experience and training and proficiency in a lot of different models, but I believe this is the best one out there for a lot of reasons...many of which I will go into in this episode. This is a 2 part episode, and in these episodes I explore the concept of anxiety and how it differs from fear...and why that distinction is so important. I look at what anxiety is and how to define it. I talk about how to normalize anxiety for your clients and reframe it as an opportunity for growth. I talk about how to get at the roots of anxiety using the RT Model and understanding the work of the Pain and Peace Cycle. I talk about how to take the Pain and Peace Cycle and practice it daily to create transformation. And then I talk about the important tools and resources that can help people manage their anxiety. But for now, what you must know is this. In the Restoration Therapy Model, anxiety is not a feeling, but rather a coping behavior. We don't feel anxious, rather we become anxious. We do anxiety. But there is some other feeling that drives the anxiety. And that's important, otherwise we could end up just chasing the relief of the symptoms (though important), rather than dealing with the root issues of anxiety. Keeping that in mind, it's important to understand that anxiety is about issues concerning individual(love/identity) and relational personhood (trust/safety). And they are about "ultimate concerns" in life such as faith, life, death, purpose, meaning, relationships. Whereas, fear is about specific situations and circumstances. So as I spell out in these episodes, my fear growing up was speaking in front of people because I would stutter. But my anxiety was that I would feel inadequate, be alone, not measure up. And I spent most of my life trying to relieve my fears (speaking), rather than understanding and dealing with my anxiety (coping behavior) and what was at the root of it, which was those feelings of inadequacy (feelings). It may not seem like an important distinction at the outset, but actually has huge implications in terms of one getting healing when it comes to their anxiety. And I think you can see this distinction play out both in faith and biblical perspectives, as well as psychological and secular perspectives...so I address these integrative pieces as well. So whether you are a therapist, lay counselor, pastor, friend, spouse, parent, colleague....who wants to help someone with anxiety...or whether you are trying to help your own anxiety...these episodes are for you. Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support. iTunes -- Stitcher Player FM -- Libsyn People and Resources Mentioned in the Episodes Restoration Therapy Model -- in Episode 21 I talk about Restoration Therapy and how I use it for my work with individuals, couples, churches and organizations. Restoration Therapy Conference Terry Hargrave -- in Episode 55 I interview Dr. Hargrave Pain Cycle (this is Episode 42) Peace Cycle (this is Episode 43) Sharon Hargrave Steve and Rajan Trafton The Hideaway Experience The Anxious Christian by Rhett Smith The Concept of Anxiety by Soren Kierkegaard Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard The Meaning of Anxiety by Rollo May Be Not Anxious: Pastoral Care of Disquieted Souls by Allan Huge Cole Jr. Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety by Kelly G. Wilson and Todd Dufrene The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich Existential Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Yalom
Last weekend I had the humbling opportunity to speak at the first ever Restoration Therapy Conference which was held at Pepperdine University in Malibu, CA. When the founder of the model, Dr. Terry Hargrave asked med to present on anxiety and the Restoration Therapy model, I knew it was an invitation that I couldn't refuse. I consider Dr. Hargrave not only a mentor, but also a friend, so I definitely wanted to participate in anything he was doing. But I also knew I would be anxious for several months leading up to my presentation. And I was. But it was a great time to be with a bunch of other therapists and researches who are on the ground floor in the ongoing development of the Restoration Therapy model. I won't go into details in this post since you will hear more in this episode. But I've been using Restoration Therapy as my primary therapeutic model since about 2010 when I was first exposed to it co-leading marriage intensives at The Hideaway Experience in Amarillo, TX. I did not know the model as Restoration Therapy at the time, but rather as The 5 Days to a New Marriage model...and essentially, the Pain and Peace Cycle model. But no model has changed my life more than this one. And no model has helped my clients more than this one. I have experience and training and proficiency in a lot of different models, but I believe this is the best one out there for a lot of reasons...many of which I will go into in this episode. This is a 2 part episode, and in these episodes I explore the concept of anxiety and how it differs from fear...and why that distinction is so important. I look at what anxiety is and how to define it. I talk about how to normalize anxiety for your clients and reframe it as an opportunity for growth. I talk about how to get at the roots of anxiety using the RT Model and understanding the work of the Pain and Peace Cycle. I talk about how to take the Pain and Peace Cycle and practice it daily to create transformation. And then I talk about the important tools and resources that can help people manage their anxiety. But for now, what you must know is this. In the Restoration Therapy Model, anxiety is not a feeling, but rather a coping behavior. We don't feel anxious, rather we become anxious. We do anxiety. But there is some other feeling that drives the anxiety. And that's important, otherwise we could end up just chasing the relief of the symptoms (though important), rather than dealing with the root issues of anxiety. Keeping that in mind, it's important to understand that anxiety is about issues concerning individual(love/identity) and relational personhood (trust/safety). And they are about "ultimate concerns" in life such as faith, life, death, purpose, meaning, relationships. Whereas, fear is about specific situations and circumstances. So as I spell out in these episodes, my fear growing up was speaking in front of people because I would stutter. But my anxiety was that I would feel inadequate, be alone, not measure up. And I spent most of my life trying to relieve my fears (speaking), rather than understanding and dealing with my anxiety (coping behavior) and what was at the root of it, which was those feelings of inadequacy (feelings). It may not seem like an important distinction at the outset, but actually has huge implications in terms of one getting healing when it comes to their anxiety. And I think you can see this distinction play out both in faith and biblical perspectives, as well as psychological and secular perspectives...so I address these integrative pieces as well. So whether you are a therapist, lay counselor, pastor, friend, spouse, parent, colleague....who wants to help someone with anxiety...or whether you are trying to help your own anxiety...these episodes are for you. Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support. iTunes -- Stitcher Player FM -- Libsyn People and Resources Mentioned in the Episodes Restoration Therapy Model -- in Episode 21 I talk about Restoration Therapy and how I use it for my work with individuals, couples, churches and organizations. Restoration Therapy Conference Terry Hargrave -- in Episode 55 I interview Dr. Hargrave Pain Cycle (this is Episode 42) Peace Cycle (this is Episode 43) Sharon Hargrave Steve and Rajan Trafton The Hideaway Experience The Anxious Christian by Rhett Smith The Concept of Anxiety by Soren Kierkegaard Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard The Meaning of Anxiety by Rollo May Be Not Anxious: Pastoral Care of Disquieted Souls by Allan Huge Cole Jr. Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety by Kelly G. Wilson and Todd Dufrene The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich Existential Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Yalom
One of the populations I love working with in my practice is athletes. I've been fortunate enough to work with a large variety of athletes from professionals to amateur, from middle school kids all the way up to a middle aged runner like me. And in my time with athletes several themes around athletics have emerged that tend to be the central focus of our counseling time together. Those are: performance anxiety anxiety and stress due to pressure from overbearing parents depression from not achieving an athletic goal or from not being able to participate in the sport because of injury. training the athlete for more positive self-talk and visualization to increase performance. These 4 issues seem to crop up the most and I have had a lot of success using the Restoration Therapy model developed by Terry Hargrave. Even though I initially used it only with couples I have expanded it's use to individuals, families, organizations, and now athletes. I feel that it's core tenets, especially the importance of emotional self-regulation and working to identify and act out of one's truth, rather than out of one's negative cycle, have been extremely helpful. In this episode I briefly mention the components above, but really spend the bulk of the episode diving into some of the work of Angela Duckworth in her book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, and what she has to say about anxious parents and kid's athletics. In the episode I read from about 2-3 pages worth of material to give you an understanding of what Duckworth is communicating when it comes to grit and our kids, while at the same time commenting on some of the things I have seen in my practice. I echo Duckworth's and other's findings that children who are allowed autonomy to choose what sports in activities to engage in, and who have the freedom to explore a multiplicity of sports, while at the same time not engaging in them all year round, often fare better than their counterparts who specialize early and play all year. The latter often leads to a lot of burnout (often by high school or college), and it short circuits the development of passion because kid has not had the ability to pursue their own interests, but have often been pursuing the interests of the parents. I want to leave you with one quote from Grit that I read in this episode: Sports psychologist Jean Cote finds that shortcutting this stage of relaxed, playful interest, discovery, and development has dire consequences. In his research, professional athletes like Rowdy Gains who, as a children, sampled a variety of different sports before committing to one, generally fare much better in the long run. This early breadth of experience helps the young athlete figure out which sport fits better than others,. Sampling also provides an opportunity to 'cross train' muscles and skills that will eventually complement more focused training. While athletes who skip this state often enjoy an early advantage in competition against less specialized peers, Cote finds that they're more likely to become injured physically and to burn out. (page 107 on Kindle). Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support. iTunes -- Stitcher Player FM -- Libsyn Resources and People Mentioned in this Episode Terry Hargrave Restoration Therapy Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance Angela Duckworth Benjamin Bloom Jean Cote
I'm not quite exactly sure of the origin of learning about this communication technique, but I know it must have morphed together from all of my training and experience as a therapist...so I'm sure it has it's roots in varying theorists, I just can't place it right now. But in my time as a therapist I was used to hearing couples talking about all the things that weren't working well in the relationship. And most often it would come across in the form of criticism. Some spouse would be sharing all the things that their partner wasn't doing. And you can imagine what that was doing to the relationship...you can imagine what kind of pain cycle that was creating. So I started thinking about what it would look like to share with your spouse not all the things they were doing wrong, but rather, the things they desired and wanted and needed in the relationship. Why not focus on the positives (what you want and desire), rather than the negatives (all they weren't doing right). This subtle (maybe it's not so subtle) shift in language began to have a different affect on couples. Rather than creating situations of defensiveness, it created opportunities for openness and closeness. But the key is, once you talk about what you want and desire, you have to let go of the outcome. You have to let go of the expectations in the relationship. Listen closely here...I'm not saying you can't, or shouldn't have expectations in a relationship...but what I'm saying you have to let go of that particular expectation you are requesting. You can't demand. You have to allow the other person in the relationship the freedom to decide to do what you are requesting, or to not do it. This is a request based out of freedom, not out of fear or demanding. Demanding relationships drain life out of the couple, whereas, ones based in freedom are life-giving. I think I first learned of the "letting go of the outcome" step in Terence Real's book, The New Rules of Marriage. In his technique called The Feedback Wheel, the final step is "Let go of the outcome." There is a whole process to his feedback wheel, but I eventually took this idea of letting go of the outcome into other theories I was learning, and I began to apply it to couples and families that I was working with. So in today's podcast I want to help you with this simple technique of being vulnerable (the hard part) in your relationship by shifting your focus on what your partner is not doing (that's a position of criticism), and focus on what you are desiring and wanting. It's vulnerable and risky to request though, because what if they say no. But this is about putting yourself out there. And so when you put yourself out there, you let go of the outcome. And as a therapist who highly believes in self-differentiation, and practices the Restoration Therapy model where one's identity is not based in the partner, but in one's own truth....I want to say, this is not about putting your identity in your partner or demanding from them. This is just simply about being honest about yourself and what you desire...but then letting go of it. It's in this freedom that we learn more about the needs, wants, desires of our partner, and it's helpful to know those things, so that in one's freedom, they can choose to, or choose not to respond. Try this technique out at home and let me know what you think. Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support. iTunes -- Stitcher Player FM -- Libsyn Resources Mentioned in the Podcast The New Rules of Marriage by Terence Real I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Plano, Texas. I work with individuals, couples, and families regarding a number of issues from marriage therapy, anxiety, depression, infidelity, faith, relationship strengthening, and a whole lot more. If you are interested in scheduling a session with me, or having me out to speak, please contact us via email or phone (469-304-9022).
C. diff. Spores and More discuss Rebiotix and their clinical study with Rebiotix Founder, CEO Lee Jones. Listen in as we learn more about the History, Company profile, Problems they are solving,and product information. Lee will explain What is the microbiome? Their first product RBX 2660 – addressing C. diff, with the Rebiotix platform called MRT (Microbiota Restoration Therapy) and how MRT is different.
I have told this story countless times in person, on the podcast, and in my blog...so I will try and keep it brief. But about 6 years ago I had an experience that forever changed my life. I had just returned from sitting in on and observing a marriage intensive at The Hideaway Experience in Amarillo, TX (I write about that 4 day intensive here). And what I learned at that intensive changed the way I thought about myself and relationships. I went home that weekend and tried using the Pain and Peace Cycle that I learned. And when I did, my wife Heather and I had a new experience in navigating conflict successfully, that I knew I had to learn more. I went on staff as a therapist later that fall and spent the next 4 years flying up to Amarillo to co-lead 4 day marriage intensives while all the while using the model in my therapy practice back in Plano...as well as using it in my marriage and any other relational setting I was in. And the more I practiced it, and the more I learned, I knew that this model was the one that I believed was the most effective in creating change in one's self, relationships and organizations. This model that I had been taught at The Hideaway Experience was essentially the Restoration Therapy model that Terry had been developing, and in which he had help implement for the intensives. Over the course of those years I got to know Terry better, even bringing him out to present the Restoration Therapy model and Forgiveness to our Dallas Association of Marriage and Family Therapists a few years ago. So this last year I spent time training with Terry Hargrave in the Restoration Therapy model and eventually became certified as a Level II Restoration Therapy therapist. At the end of last year I recorded 5 podcast episodes talking about Restoration Therapy. I began by talking to you about the Pain Cycle and Peace Cycle in Terry Hargrave's Restoration Therapy model. I love the Pain and Peace Cycle because it has transformed my life. It's transformed me as an individual, as well as my marriage, my relationships, vocation and more. But how do you practice the Pain and Peace Cycle in your own life? To do so I recommended 4 steps to practice. As you begin to use these steps and work through the cycles you create a safe emotional connection which also fosters a real strong sense of "usness" in the relationship. And it is out of this place that couple's can really solve problems. Without a safe connection, problem solving is difficult, if not impossible in a relationship. And finally I tied all four episodes together by talking about the concept of differentiation, and giving some examples from different perspectives of what it looks like. So after all my own talking and insight on this topic I am super excited to welcome my friend and mentor Dr. Terry Hargrave to Episode 55. Terry is an amazing man and I know you will love listening to his journey into developing the Restoration Therapy model. In this episode we explore: Terry's journey into the field of marriage and family therapy. Terry's interaction with and training under some of the pioneers in this field such as Jay Haley, Carl Whitaker and Ivan Nagy-Boszormenyi. He has a great story about what he learned from Whitaker. Terry's early training and work in the contextual family therapy model. what the Restoration Therapy model is. Terry's development of the Restoration Therapy model. the importance of love and trustworthiness in relationships. 4 responses to violations of love and trustworthiness. the Pain Cycle. the Peace Cycle. the 4 Steps in the Restoration Therapy model. mindfulness, emotional regulation and attachment in the Restoration Therapy model. the importance of practice in creating change. and more..... iTunes -- Stitcher Player FM -- Libsyn Resources Mentioned in the Episode Terry Hargrave Contextual Family Therapy Ivan Nagy-Boszormenyi Jay Haley Carl Whitaker Restoration Therapy Training Marriage Strong with Sharon Hargrave 5 Days to a New Marriage The Hideaway Experience Dan Siegel John Gottman,couples, and emotional regulation Brent Atkinson on the importance of repetitive practice rather than relying simply on insight and understanding in therapy.
In the previous podcast episode I talked about just how life transforming the Pain and Peace Cycle work have been to my life both personally and relationally. Ever since I learned these tools when I went on staff at The Hideaway Experience in 2010 I have continued to use them in all the work I do. I use them with clients. I use them with church staff. I use them with corporate organizations. And in all cases I see lives being transformed and I get good feedback about them. The Pain and Peace Cycle were created by Terry Hargrave and can be found in his book Restoration Therapy where he talks at length and in depth about this model. Because I have found this model and these tools to be so helpful, I spent this last year in training with Terry Hargrave and became a Level II Certified therapist in Restoration Therapy. So in the previous episode I talk about the Pain Cycle, and in this episode I want to focus on the Peace Cycle. If the Pain Cycle is the negative pattern we create over time between our feelings and coping, then the Peace Cycle is about the positive pattern we create over time between our truth and actions. These two patterns comprise a different way of being in relationship with yourself and others. It's simply one of the best models out there, especially for couples and marriage. In this episode I explore: what the Peace Cycle consists of what it means to connect to your truth how to identify your truth in the Peace Cycle 3 sources of finding our truth what it means to act out of your truth how to identify your truth in the Peace Cycle theological examples of being in a Peace Cycle Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support. Resources Mentioned in this EpisodeRestoration TherapyTerry HargraveMarriage StrongSharon HargraveThe Hideaway ExperienceMark 1:9-11Genesis 32-33Henri Nouwen
As I have mentioned in the previous podcast blog posts, I am spending time talking about the Pain and Peace Cycle, and the 4 steps to practice it in your life. These tools are found in the work of Marriage and Family therapist pioneer Terry Hargrave and his Restoration Therapy model. As I talk about in previous episodes, the Pain Cycle and the Peace Cycle, and the 4 steps to really practice to help it transform your life, have forever changed my life, marriage, relationships, friendships, and work. It too can transform you, your relationships, your marriage, your church staff, your corporate staff...and more. In this episode I want to teach you a couple of new techniques from the Restoration Therapy model that I believe can really take your relationship to the next level. As you begin to work through your Pain and Peace Cycle, you will discover how that creates a sense of connectedness and teamwork, or what Terry Hargrave refers to as "usness." In this episode I talk about this created "usness" and how it can help you problem solve in your marriage and relationships. So besides looking at the concept of "usness", I will walk you through 7 simple steps to problem solving that I have found to be super effective. I like to think of it often in this way. Couples have issues to solve in their relationship. But you can't solve issues if you don't feel emotionally safe and connected. So you begin by working on your Pain and Peace Cycle to create a sense of "usness." And as that "usness" develops you will be emotionally connected and safe to begin problem solving. And sometimes...just feeling safe and connected will solve problems. In this episode I explore: the concept of "usness" 7 steps to solving your problems/issues: identify and externalize the problem/issue walk through your Pain and Peace Cycle brainstorm options/solutions narrow down options/solutions set time aside for prayer/meditation/reflection on the options/solutions choose an option/solution (win-win) schedule a future time to re-evaluate option/solution Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support. iTunes -- Stitcher Player FM -- Libsyn Resources Mentioned in this EpisodeRestoration TherapyTerry HargraveMarriage StrongSharon Hargrave
This week I am spending time talking about the Pain and Peace Cycle found in the work of Terry Hargrave and his Restoration Therapy model. As I talk about previous episodes, the Pain Cycle and the Peace Cycle have transformed my life, marriage, relationships, friendships, and work. So in this episode I want to teach you how to use the 4 steps of the Restoration Therapy model to help you practice the Pain and Peace Cycle. I love the simplicity of the model in helping people create change, but like any long lasting, transformative change, it takes practice. And I find steps to be helpful guard rails to keep people along the path as they seek change. Often in conflict, people are in fight or flight mode, and so their ability to make good decisions can become limited. But if you have steps to help you in the midst of the conflict, they can be a great tool to bring order out of chaos. In this episode I explore: review of the Pain Cycle review of the Peace Cycle the 4 steps: Step 1: Say what you feel Step 2: Say what you normally do Step 3: Say your truth Step 4: Say what you will do differently Resources Mentioned in this EpisodeRestoration TherapyTerry HargraveMarriage StrongSharon HargraveThe Hideaway Experience
One of the tools that has changed my life in such an amazing way...that at times it's really hard to explain...is learning the Pain and Peace Cycle in the work of Terry Hargrave in his Restoration Therapy model. In fact, in Episode 21 of this podcast I talked about how it can change your life, your relationships, as well as church organizations and corporations. In fact, I have taught the Pain and Peace Cycle in all these settings and see it do just that...change lives. So this week I wanted to dive in a bit more deep on this topic, but in a short manner. The reason, I get a lot of people contacting me about what the Pain and Peace Cycle is. They see me write about it, post about it on social media, or they might have heard me speak about it in person. But it's something I definitely talk a lot about in my work. I believe in it because I have experienced it first hand. So this week I decided to put out a few episodes focusing on the Pain Cycle, the Peace Cycle, and how to practice it. Today, I talk about the Pain Cycle and how you becoming aware of your own will change your life. It will change your life on both an individual and relational level. In this episode I explore: Violations of Love and Trust How Violations of Love and Trust create your negative pattern of coping known as the Pain Cycle. What the Pain Cycle is How to identify the feelings in your Pain Cycle How to identify the coping behavior in your Pain Cycle If you want to work through this at home, here is the initial Pain Cycle homework that I give my clients and others to work through. It's a pretty simple sheet to work on, so check it out: Identifying and Practicing Your ‘Pain Cycle’ Resources Mentioned in this EpisodeRestoration Therapy Terry Hargrave Marriage Strong Sharon Hargrave The Hideaway Experience
Hanging out at our Strong Marriage training in Malibu, CA. This last week my wife and I spent two days training with Sharon Hargrave in her Marriage Strong curriculum. There were several reasons why we wanted to attend the training: 1) We know how much working through our Pain and Peace Cycle has transformed our own marriage; 2) We have a desire to lead these groups in our neighborhood, community, and at workshops and conferences; and I in my practice. 3) I absolutely love the work of Terry and Sharon Hargrave. In 2010 my colleague and good friend Todd Sandel started telling me about these amazing 4 day marriage intensives taking place at The Hideaway Experience in Amarillo, Texas. After going up and sitting in a few of these marriage intensives, I eventually went on staff as one of the therapists, and helped co-lead marriage intensives there until 2014 when I eventually stepped off staff because of time constraints with my own practice and family life. It was here that I learned about the Pain and Peace Cycle through the 5 Days to a New Marriage model developed by Terry Hargrave and Shawn Stoever for The Hideaway. I put this model to work fairly quickly in my own marriage...and it was then that a radical shift took place that has helped us really transform our marriage into what it is today. I then went back to my therapy practice and began using this model not only with couples, but also individual clients and I saw people's lives dramatically change. It was through these experiences that I came to realize and really believe in the work of the Pain and Peace Cycle, and I wanted to do everything I could to become a better practitioner of it. So this last year I spent time training with the founder of the Pain and Peace Cycle, Marriage and Family Therapy pioneer, Terry Hargrave. Through my training with him I officially became a Level II certified therapist in Restoration Therapy. I have used this work with individuals, couples, families, church staffs, corporate managers and directors...and I have seen it transform people in all of these areas. So when my wife and I had the chance to go train in Marriage Strong which has Restoration Therapy as it's foundational piece, we jumped at the opportunity. We had a great weekend learning more about each other and talking about how we can intentionally continue to improve our marriage. As we spent time doing this I came to realize that there are a certain number of skills that I think if couples practice, they would benefit greatly from...they would see their marriage shift in some really positive directions. So in this podcast I took all of my training that I've learned at The Hideaway Experience, Restoration Therapy, Marriage Strong, and other things that I've learned and developed along the way as a clinician...and I boiled it down to 5 skills. Of course there are a lot of varying skills couples can practice, but instead of always looking for that "silver bullet" to fix everything in a marriage, I think more couples need to really focus on a few skills and just practice...practice...practice...practice...practice. You get the point. Marriages grow and become strong through practice, not through some shiny or sexy new skill that will fix everything. So in this episode I talk about these 5 skills: identifying and practicing awareness around your negative pattern of interaction made up of your feelings and coping (Pain Cycle). taking responsibility for yourself (your Pain Cycle) and learning to emotionally regulate yourself, rather than expecting your spouse to. identifying and developing your positive pattern of interaction made up of your truth and action (Peace Cycle) learning how to problem solve out of your Peace Cycle. fostering your sense of "usness" in the marriage. Resources and People Mentioned in the Episode Marriage Strong The Hideaway Experience 5 Days to a New Marriage Restoration Therapy Terry Hargrave Sharon Hargrave Todd Sandel LifeGate Group Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy Using the Restoration Therapy Model to Transform You, Your Relationships, Churches, Organizations, and Corportations
About 5 years ago I was introduced to a therapy model that changed my life. And that's not an exaggeration. It literally changed my life, beginning with me, then my marriage, then my parenting, then my therapy work, then friendships, and eventually in the work I do with organizations, churches and corporations. I was introduced to a model of therapy developed by Terry Hargrave called Restoration Therapy. Actually, at the time I didn't know it as Restoration Therapy, but rather as the 5 Days to a New Marriage model that was developed for The Hideaway Experience by Terry and Shawn Stoever. Essentially, from what I know, Terry and Shawn created a model for the marriage intensives based on Terry's Restoration Therapy work that he was developing, and which was eventually written by Terry and Franz Pfitzer under the title Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy. In October 2010 I attended my first marriage intensive and sat "3rd chair", which essentially means I was not one of the co-therapists, but was rather there to observe...and speak/share if I felt compelled. I was so intimidated by that first experience I remember saying very little, but I also remember being blown away by the transformation I witnessed taking place with the 4 couples who were there that weekend. It was an unbelievable team effort between the founders/operators Steve and Rajan Trafton, the two therapists, the cook (who provided all the meals)...and of course the 4 couples who ended up really being some of the biggest encouragers of transformation for the other couples. If you are curious about what this experience is like, I blogged about it early on. I ended up staying on staff of The Hideaway Experience for about four years and it continues to be one of the most amazing experiences I have had in working with clients, especially couples, as well as being an amazing experience for me. Eventually it was difficult for me in my stage of life (young family, growing practice, etc.) to continue to travel to Palo Duro to do an intensive, so I eventually resigned, but continue to be in collaboration with them, as well as referring clients to them and working with couples after they do an intensive. But all of these experiences led me to really want to dive more in depth into Restoration Therapy so I could better understand the change I was seeing in individuals and couples I worked with, as well become a better practitioner of the model. So in December of 2014 I started Level I training with Terry, and then completed Level II training with Terry in May and June of this year. Now I'm a certified Restoration Therapy therapist...it has helped me better understand a model I had already been practicing for about the last 4+ years. As I have stated above, this is a model that has changed my life, so I use it with all my clients to varying degrees, whether individual, couples or families. And what I have learned from it I implement in my relationships, whether it be my wife, kids, parents, friends or colleagues. That being said, I decided it was time to do a podcast about Restoration Therapy. There is so much I could talk about, but I thought I could start with just a general overview of some of its features, as well as how the Pain and Peace Cycles work. There is definitely more to be said on this topic, and I will continue to write some posts on it, as well as record some podcasts on the topic, and eventually have Terry Hargrave on the podcast, as well as Steve and Rajan Trafton, and my good friend Todd Sandel who was the first to train me at The Hideaway Experience. So in this podcast I do my best to talk through some of the features of Restoration Therapy and how it can be applied to your life and relationships. In the podcast I discuss: my experience at The Hideaway Experience early on and eventually as a co-therapist. my experience in learning the 5 Days to a New Marriage (i.e. Restoration Therapy) and how I began to apply it to my practice. how Restoration Therapy changed people's lives. my desire to learn more about Restoration Therapy, and eventually go train with Terry Hargrave the 4 elements of Restoration Therapy: a) helping people identify and understand their pain (fostering awareness in the client of their destructive pattern); b) promote emotional regulation through helping the client identify their truth (teaching the client to take responsibility for themselves); c) provide cognitive map for understanding new behavior (helping client make choices); d) practice of these steps (mindfulness/experiential). Restoration Therapy's focus on attachment, emotional regulation, and mindfulness. the Pain Cycle the Peace Cycle Restoration Therapy's 4 steps: a) say what you feel; b) say what you normally do; c) say your truth; d) say what action you will do differently. how I've used the Restoration Therapy model for individuals, couples, families, churches, organizations and corporations. Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support. iTunes Stitcher Player FM Libsyn Resources Discussed in This Episode The Hideaway Experience Steve and Rajan Trafton 5 Days to a New Marriage Terry Hargrave Restoration Therapy and Restoration Therapy Training Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy Shawn Stoever Winshape Todd Sandel LifeGate Counseling
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Lee Jones, Founder, President and CEO of Rebiotix Inc, has over thirty years of experience in the medical technology industry in large and small companies and academia. Rebiotix is developing a new category of biologic drugs that use live human-derived organisms to treat disease. Lead candidate RBX2660 (microbiota suspension) is currently undergoing clinical study for recurrent C. diff. infection. Glenn Taylor is the Microbiologist at the Taymount Clinic just outside London in the UK. He has spent five years researching the commensal colonization of bacteria in the human digestive system. Listen in as both guests discuss the Fecal or Faecal Microbiota Transplant (FMT),also known as Microbiota Restoration Therapy to treat recurrent C. diff. infections and more – Research to Clinical Professor Sheridan, C. diff. Survivor and FMT Patient : Nancy Sheridan is a full time, Associate Professor at the Fashion Institute of Technology and a winner of the prestigious SUNY Chancellor's Award for Excellence in Teaching. Professor Sheridan has been teaching since fall 2000 in the Fashion Merchandising Management Department within the School of Business and Technology. For the past seven years, she has also taught a Retail Merchandising course at the University of Pennsylvania, Wharton Business School to undergraduate and MBA students. In June of 2014, Nancy had surgery and contracted c.diff while in the hospital, suffered 5 c.diff reoccurrences from June to December 2014 in January she received a Fecal Microbiota Transplant and has been c diff free since.
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