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Miriam Mathews is a licensed social worker, Christian Life Coach, and author of 3 books. Her latest work is an anthology with Les Brown. She's also worked with renowned speaker and author Lisa Nichols. She chose to invest in her own wellness and career after experiencing sexual trauma years ago. She now helps others overcome people pleasing, sexual trauma, and perversion. In this episode, Dr. mOe and Miriam discuss religion vs relationship, how to "let that sofa go", recovering from 2020, personal growth, and generational wounds and how to define your DNA. Connect with Miriam and learn more at https://define-your-dna.com/ TRANSCRIPT AUTO-GENERATED BY ALITU Miriam Matthews: So people pleasing behavior, it comes from, again, that empathy that we have, that we are nurturers or we care. So it can come from a good place. But I say that empathy in the absence of healthy boundaries can often lead to enabling someone else but enabling someone else to explore you or use you. Or it can lead to self constant self sacrifice in a harmful way. (Music interlude) You can't say Dr. Mo ain't tell you they fear matters, the consequences of failure. What are you scared of? Why are you afraid? I'd rather live like I'm dying than live to die any day. My heart is pure. My soul is safe...(Music fades out) Dr. mOe: Hey, everybody. Welcome to Perpetual Motion, a podcast focused on wellness, personal growth, culture, and relationships. I'm your host, Dr. Mo Anderson. Best selling author, award winning podcast host, keynote speaker, and coach. I want to help you review, renew, and review. If you're new to the show or returning visitor, let's make this official. Please click that subscribe button to be notified of new episodes as soon as they are available. So my guest today is Miriam Matthews. She is a licensed therapist, coach, and author of three books. She has a new book, which is part of an anthology with none other than Les Brown. I can't wait to hear how that came about. Wow. Miriam. Welcome to perpetual motion. Miriam Matthews: Thank you so much, Doctor Mo. It's such an honor to be here. So thank you for allowing me to be here. Dr. mOe: Hey, I'm going hard in the paint with this first question. When you contacted us about being on the show, you said you help women ignite their power and purpose and heal by changing their mindset. That sounds awesome, but what does that mean? Miriam Matthews: So the first thing that sticks out to me is a scripture that I grew up learning and truly have lived by, and that is such as a man think of so they are and not man needing just gender, but women and men. And I have found that in my work with many clients, I would say probably, yeah. The most significant barrier to success is or are the limiting or negative beliefs that they have about themselves that can really put a lid on their capacity. I have this Facebook group, and I'll just share this part. A part of coming into the group is answering a few questions about what they're seeking to gain. And one of the themes that I have seen over and over again is, Miriam, I truly desire to live in my purpose. I want to hear from God more. I want to get past self doubt. And I believe that in order to do that, it does start in the mind many times. There are things that happen to us. I say if you're a human being, you've been through something. There are things that have happened to us that can create a framework of how we see ourselves and it can be a misrepresentation of who you actually are. And I say who you actually are. In Christ, God sees us one way, mankind can see us another. So I help facilitate confronting limiting beliefs, negative beliefs, so that we can truly untap the potential that is inside as well as the power and purpose that's already inside. Dr. mOe: Nice. That's excellent. Because people don't believe it because it's happening from childhood, from so many people just being barraged by negative things until you start to believe them yourself. Because kids come here very optimistic. I remember my boys being young, they thought they were the strongest, fastest, smartest, bravest. And over time, when you see the world starts to work folks down. So I'm pleased to hear what you're doing and how you're helping women ignite their power and purpose. So you're a licensed social worker with BA and Master's degrees in social work. Did you always want to do what you're doing now? Miriam Matthews: I would say that it's been a journey to really step into where I am right now. I haven't always been here. So like, when I started in the field of social work, it came from a passion of just wanting it. I wanted to help people. I wanted to help people as a child. And I think that's something that we're all given is some degree of empathy or caring for others as a result of certain things that I've been through in my childhood and teenage years, young adult years. And I'm still young and still learning, and I will always be learning. But it led me to want to help others. And I've done a different or been in a variety of different fields of social work, worked with the elderly community. I've worked at DEFAC with children who have gone through child neglect or abuse. Dr. mOe: I don't know what DPAC is. Miriam Matthews: That what? Oh, deepak is the division of Family and Children Services. I worked in Child Protective Services for a couple of years, so I know. Dr. mOe: It is CPS, so I didn't know that acronym. I just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page. Got it. Yes. Miriam Matthews: And eventually came over into starting a private practice, actually, during the pandemic. Yes. And this is also during a time where the need for mental health increased astronomically. Right. Dr. mOe: I was going to say that was one of the few industries where it was a really good time to go into business. Miriam Matthews: Absolutely. So I said, okay, well, why not make the impact that I truly want to make? And I think being in private practice and working with clients one on one, I was better able to do that. It's just a really intimate, just personable, professional relationship that you build with each person. So in starting the private practice, maybe I would say a year into that, god led me towards coaching. So stepping into the field of coaching because I wanted to make an even a bigger impact. So now I'm into group coaching alongside private practice. Okay. Dr. mOe: I had a guest on recently who made an interesting distinction between coaching and counseling. But I'd like to hear, since you literally went from one to the other, this person was fully a coach, but since you literally segue to one and do both, what is the difference for those who don't know, between coaching and counseling? Miriam Matthews: So, for counseling, I would say the primary distinction is meeting a diagnosis, needing to meet the display of certain symptoms that meet a diagnosis that essentially your insurance will cover. But there are individuals who don't necessarily meet that criteria or are wanting to focus more on the future versus what happened to them in their past. And I would say that is the distinction with coaching. It's not necessarily being held back by some sort of trauma that may have happened. And I will say that my niche or my specialty is anxiety, depression, posttraumatic stress disorder, some sort of trauma that may have happened that then creates anxiety or depression with PTSD. But on the, coaching and diagnosis is not necessary. And though healing may be needed or forgiveness may be needed, or certain weights may need to be dropped, or limiting beliefs still need to be challenged, it doesn't involve a diagnosis. Dr. mOe: Got you. Excellent. Thank you. And that very much correlates with what the previous guest said, which I anticipated that it would. I know you teach the importance of investing in yourself, Miriam, meaning your professional growth, and I would imagine personal as well. What is an example of how you've invested in yourself? Miriam Matthews: Thank you for asking that question. And one of the most significant examples that come to mind is when I invested into a coaching program with none other than Lisa Nichols and how I. Dr. mOe: Came are you from with the heavy headers, Lisa Brown. Get into your context. My goodness, that is impressive. Miriam Matthews: As Lisa would say, are you ready to play full out? And my answer was yes. And prior to being ready to play full out, I was tired of hiding. I was tired of my own limiting beliefs, even being in the field. This is actually prior to my private practice, but still being in the field of social work, I still had and carried so much pain and so many weights from the past. So I was essentially still, as they would say, a shell of myself. And I really wanted to experience my purpose and potential. I wanted that to be unclogged, but I had so much that was still clogged on the inside, meanwhile trying to help others. So I said, okay, it's really time for me to help myself. How can I do that? And what I came to understand is many times we acquiesce or just acclimate to our environment, and sometimes there can be a degree of complacency that comes with that or mediocrity that comes with that. So I wanted to rise up the numbness, yes. Coming desensitized to it. And it's interesting how we can kind of do the same thing or stay in the same place just because it's familiar, even though it doesn't help you grow or even though it's not beneficial to us. And that was me. I was the epitome of that. And I came to understand that I really needed to invest in support and accountability and came across Lisa Nichols. She had this conference in the beginning of one particular year, and I said, oh, my goodness, this is something that I really need. And joining that program, I was able to just take a look at myself in different ways. In different ways. That program was certainly like a stepping stone. But then I also wanted to make sure I was investing in my relationship with God because that was also something that was missing at the time. Like I had been used to religion, but religion didn't work for me because it really didn't put an emphasis on my relationship with God on one relationship. Right. That's what I needed. So I ended up investing into another program that focused on building that intimate relationship with God. Those two combined just created some transformation. Right? Dr. mOe: There's a lot to unpack there because one, thank you for your transparency. I love it when people are willing to share their own process. But just right there that there's no single cure, there's no silver bullet. There's so many areas where we need development academic, physical, mental, spiritual, professional. And sometimes people want to get all of that from one person. But that's why it takes a village. It takes a village not just to raise a child, but to coach an adult. It takes a lot of people pouring into you, and you're a nurturer like myself. You're in a healing, helping profession, and people are just constantly draining from you because that's your job. That's what you do. But if a lot of people are draining from you, there's no way one person is going to be able to pour back in. And I'm not talking about God's role in our lives, but there are people around us who are anointed and appointed to help us, to hold us up, to assist us, to push us forward. And so we got to be on the lookout for who those angels are because they're everywhere. So I really like that story. And the other thing is, I thought about it when you were saying it, but I want to circle back. You mentioned 2020 and dealing with your own struggles as you're trying to counsel other people. So I'm wondering, did hearing their stories and helping them with their pain, whether it was related to Colbert or previous trauma or whatever, did that make you feel even worse or did it help you? I realized helping all of that, I don't want anybody's personal information, but just being inundated with all of these people during the biggest global crisis in our lifetime. How did that impact you personally? Miriam Matthews: That's a great question. So I would say in working with people, hearing their stories, it challenged me in a different way. I guess it helped me in two different ways. One of the most common beliefs that I have seen through clients that I've worked with and one that I've experienced myself is a belief about not being good enough. So even that belief was present in trying to help others. There was a belief of, I don't know if I'm the one that should be able to be a helper or to help bring people along or to challenge their own beliefs, especially where I'm experiencing a belief about not being good enough. And that was a key sign that I needed to get the help that I needed. You could be a therapist, but get you a therapist as well. Dr. mOe: Get your human. Miriam Matthews: Exactly. You're human. And so that was a driving force behind, okay, let's deal with your own limited experience. Invest in that. So that definitely took me there. Also. It helped me to feel less alone and to understand human behavior even more. Dr. mOe: That's what I was thinking because I was up in this house by myself doing a smaller podcast just to keep from I was like, I'm just going to talk to the universe. I hope somebody is hearing this. Maybe I'm still alive and connected. We haven't had the rapture and I don't even know it because I'm serious. The house wasn't left, but that was four or five months. That was like, yes, I know what you mean. Miriam Matthews: I know what you mean. Yeah, we kept on hitting up DoorDash just about every other night. It was terrible. Dr. mOe: So you knew that you were not alone, that other people were feeling and experiencing the same things, and you were able to help them even within trying to deal with what was going on in your household. That takes a lot of strength, and that's a gift. Not everyone can do that. Some people crumble under that kind of pressure. So, Miriam, there are so many ways to express authenticity. I'm moving from your credentials and then your investment in yourself to talking about authenticity. What we both prioritize is also the first chapter in one of your books, and we're going to talk about your books later. But this topic is stop people pleasing behavior. Please define what that means and provide some tips on how to change, if this is an issue for you, how to recognize it and how to change. Miriam Matthews: So I'll say this again, when it came to people pleasing, I could pretty much set the example, which would have been a bad example. I was the epitome of that. My goodness, thank God for the living and just change behavior. Did you say boundaries are balanced? Dr. mOe: Boundaries, yeah. Miriam Matthews: Boundaries is the word that it's just music to my ears. It really is. So people pleasing behavior, it comes from, again, that empathy that we have, that we are nurturers or we care and just want to help others, we want to be loved as well. We want folks to care about us. So it can come from a good place. But I say that empathy in the absence of healthy boundaries can often lead to enabling someone else this is going a different route, but enabling someone else to exploit you or use you or it can lead to constant self sacrifice in a harmful way or self neglect. So that's really the way or the direction that I want to go in explaining what people pleasing is. So it's outsourcing your need for validation to people because there is or can be this emptiness that is on the inside. So it can often end up being again harmful. So constantly looking for someone's approval or validation, which again can happen due to not knowing who you truly are or what your worth is, right? Yeah. Okay. Dr. mOe: And tips to begin to change that type of behavior that can get very ingrained. Miriam Matthews: Yes. So, tips to begin to change. I think one of the first things is awareness. So having some awareness about is this me? And what are some signs that I'm people pleasing. Because again, it can seem nice in the beginning, but one of the key signs that it's a problem is feeling burnt out, it's feeling depleted, it's feeling that you cannot use your no, that you have to constantly say yes to people or you've overused your guess. I would say those are some red flags right there that people pleasing could be an issue or that your needs are not actually being addressed by you or met. Another symptom could be the absence of healthy boundaries. So awareness is the first key or the first recommendation is to self reflect and to see, okay, are the red flags that were just named something that I'm actually dealing with? After awareness, I would say take a look at what you want to change. Are there specific people? I guess the pattern of pleasing may be heightened more than others. I think that's also part of awareness but maybe getting a little bit more specific. Dr. mOe: Another record, please. I want to make sure people recognize this because some of the confusion though is because I've been accused of this and I'll say when I was younger I had an issue with it. I almost think I probably learned it in school because you don't get out without a lot of pleasing professors and teachers and labmates and everybody else. And maybe that's being collaborative, but at some point you just learn to dodge the friction. But for other people sometimes it's just my nature to just be kind, to be concerned about people. It can be a perfect stranger or whatever. I try to be respectful to parents and elderly and whatever, and I'm using myself as an example. So I've been told you're always trying to please everybody, always trying to make everybody like you or you did that. I remember my cousins that you went to dental school to make your parents happy. Nobody goes through four years school lives to make anybody happy. Those people dropped out the first year. But I said that to say it was almost like people wanted me to change who I naturally was. I wasn't doing anything I didn't want to do. And I certainly wasn't tiptoeing around people at this point, which, when I was younger, I would do just to keep from upsetting them. So I had those boundaries. But that distinction some people don't get between you're a nice, kind person and the people pleasing. I guess I'm still not clear on, as you're explaining it, where that line is drawn. Miriam Matthews: I would say it's literally the absence of healthy boundaries and also not knowing yourself, not knowing who you truly are, would be key distinctions between where it's healthy and it's working for you or it's not. Okay when I say it's healthy or it's working for you. Not people pleasing, but kindness, like being kind, taking care of others in a way that energizes you, but it's not depleting you. You still know who you are. You're still your authentic self. You're not changing yourself or morphing yourself into a way that somebody else would like you to be, whether it's a family member, a friend, a supervisor, you're yourself all the way around that's one. You know, that's a huge distinction from people pleasing behavior, which could be the best version of yourself is what I like to say. Not versions of yourself. Dr. mOe: Not versions. Okay. Yes. Miriam Matthews: Just in continuing some recommendations, I actually want to share a quick story. One thing that can lead again to people pleasing behavior I mentioned earlier is as children, we're also learning about ourselves by the reactions of the people around us or society. So as we're growing up with individuals who are imperfect. Who are not perfect. Who are sometimes dealing with their own traumas and may project that we can also learn things about ourselves that are not conducive for healthy self esteem or growth or feeling good about who you truly are. That's not everybody's case. But it's the case of a large majority of the clients that I've worked with. So the framework or seeing themselves in a positive light is disrupted at an early age or maybe in their teenage years or whatever the case. I don't want to go off too much in a ramp, but sometimes it's even like we're social learning creatures. So, say if I have two parents that are often arguing or I see how my father treats my mother or how my mother treats my father, I may learn different behaviors that lead me to avoid certain scenarios or situations or may place a burden on me to act a certain way because I don't want to be the recipient of somebody's irritation. So I'm speaking in sort of vague terms, but. Dr. mOe: Those are good examples. I just wanted something concrete for people because even the words were using, like, boundaries. You and I use them a lot in conversation. I do wellness coaching and some other things, but I don't ever want to assume that people even know what that means. It's a good word, but if you don't know it, if you don't have that knowledge not everybody is engaging in these conversations. This may be the first time they're hearing these and people pleasing. So I just want to make it clear I don't want it back. What it does and doesn't mean that it's an extreme of behavior. It's not just that you like to be kind to people. You have the spiritual gift of hospitality, but that, as you said, you're morphing, you're transforming, and you're behaving in a way that's not even natural for you to make other people happy. If I got it right. Is that right? Miriam Matthews: That's right. Dr. mOe: Not my specialty, this area. So I am learning more and more too, and I enjoy being on a continuous path of growth. So really glad you're here. Miriam Matthews: Thank you. Dr. mOe: Another fun chapter heading in one of your books is Let That Sofa Go. Do share what you mean by that. Miriam Matthews: Oh, yes. Let that Sofa Go. I learned about this concept from none other than Lisa Nichols. And Letting That Sofa Go was really taking a look at how I was bringing along the pain that I had experienced as a result of different traumas in my life. And even though I was getting older and I was aging gracefully, I would say my emotional maturity was still that. Or did it correlate it with different ages where I experienced just something traumatic or just had a negative experience that led to me having a negative belief about myself. So even I'll use, for example, prior to me and my husband getting married, the dating phase of that was very difficult because of just pain that I had experienced that I hadn't let go of yet. And it created a lot of conflict. I didn't know how to communicate in a healthy way. And I say that pain that is not transformed is transmitted, and hurt people will also hurt people. Dr. mOe: Yes. It's one of my favorite things. Hurt people? Hurt people, yes. Miriam Matthews: So I realized that in order for me to see myself in a healthier life, because how you show up on the inside is how you show up in other places as well. So whether that's a relationship or your career or just anywhere else, it starts with healing on the inside. My heart was bleeding. I really needed God to do something in me, and I needed to be an active participant in that. So Let That Sofa Go is realizing that your future can be bright. I don't want to just say can be bright. But I think it is actually bright. Yes, the present is bright. Yes, it is bright. It's realizing that the future doesn't want that sofa that's not meant to fit in the doorway being a little funny, I said sometimes we could be so determined and we will take the door off and try to make it fit. And then it starts to take up space in new rooms that you're entering in, but it sticks out like a sore thumb. That sofa may have some barbed wires sticking out of it, the cotton is coming out, holes in it has all kinds of stuff and it's meant to be released. And that really takes forgiveness. In the programs that I had invested in, I learned how to forgive on an emotional level. I like to think that I didn't understand the difference. I learned about forgiveness growing up at church and how important that is. Forgive so you can be forgiven. And I think I did that on a conscious level with my words. And certainly your words have power, but I still carried a lot on the inside and I learned how to do that on an emotional level. And that really allowed me to heal and have more peace instead of pain. Dr. mOe: Absolutely. Those are some good analogies. My thing I always say is healed things don't hurt. And if you had an injured area and you touch it from health care or personal experience, if you touch it and you still feel pain, it's not healed yet, even though the skin can look great. And when we're triggered by people and places and incidents that something happened long ago and we see that person across the room and there we go, spiraling off the deep end, that's a healed thing. That's a hurt thing that's not healed. And we've all done it. We have all done it. I'll share my story from my dating chronicles. I remember I'll never forget this. It just really impacted me. It hurt to hear it, but it was a helpful hurt. This guy overreacted to something he did and he said, you know what? I really feel like I'm being punished for something another guy did. And for me to be I was just quiet, which is fairly unusual, but it just hit me like a ties and blow because immediately I didn't even have to think about it. I knew he was right. He was completely right. And I had to go on that journey of, okay, let me go dig up all this stuff in these shallow graves and make sure that I'm done with it and that I dispose of things properly. When I was older, I was in my 40s too. So you just never get down with yourself, folks. That's what we're saying. Working on yourself. There is room for improvement. But every time you reach another level, it is such a great feeling to look back. I'm having fun with this. Let that sofa go for that shirt from high school. Let all of that go. Miriam Matthews: Let it go. All of it. Dr. mOe: So let's get a little deeper here. You are open in your books and your teachings and coaching that you've experienced sexual trauma and that you've gone through the healing process. What would you say to someone who has experienced sexual trauma? Miriam Matthews: Okay, so what I would say is, first off, I'm sorry that this has happened to you. And no matter what happened to you, you are not that thing. And the reason why I say that is, for such a long time, I carried shame. And I will even say that this happened when I was six, seven years old, and it was by two individuals that were extremely close. I would just say, I'm sorry. Oh, thank you for saying that. And even on the spiritual side, I'll even say that's when a spirit of perversion entered in what perversion is literally it's just the wrong version. Dr. mOe: The wrong version? Miriam Matthews: The wrong version. Dr. mOe: Version is the wrong version. Miriam Matthews: Never heard that. Version is the wrong version. So when it comes to boundaries, I learned that maybe boundaries are not as important or not all that important. I learned that. And these are things that I had to unlearn. Let me just say that. But I also began to see myself as disgusting because of what happened to me. So now it tainted how I saw myself. It tainted my interaction with male figures, with adult male figures, even as I grew up. It just led me to see myself as the wrong version of myself, if that makes sense. So what I would say is, you're not what happened to you. As a matter of fact, you are resilient. You are here to this day. You are actually the resilient that has rose above it and can rise above it. And many times we often need help and support, I would say, to get help, seek out therapy. If it's something that, again, that you're continuing to carry, and it feels like shame or condemnation, that is not the end of your chapter. Life can be so much more fulfilling. And then it may seem, and the truth is, again, you're not what happened to, I can't drive that home enough, because that was something that I battled with for the majority of my life. I just want people to know that. Dr. mOe: Your self identity and that's so important, your self identity, your self confidence. Miriam, as you were talking, what came to me, and I hadn't had this thought before, was that sometimes we have multiple anchors. We're wondering, we're thinking, okay, I took care of that thing. I pulled it up, I dealt with it. Why am I still stuck in this place? And it's possible that you have multiple anchors holding you back, which is why you can't rise up and sell on. So you really need to assess everything around you. For that possibility. Maybe it wasn't just that one maybe it's not just that one thing in your past or in your present. I really like that analogy you gave and thank you for sharing your experience as well. That was difficult, I know, and hard to move through. But you're an example to others that it can be done and now you literally help other women who had the same experience. Miriam Matthews: You know what, Dr. Moe? Thank you for also saying that, because it just sparked something else that I need to say, which is I wouldn't say I became mad at God, but I was very disturbed by how could this happen to me and why me? But it literally took again relationship with God and going back to God to understand why these things happen. And in doing so, I began to understand that with God's unconditional love and with perfect love, it allows for free will. God love doesn't control right. That being said, mankind, I will say, can pervert free will and bad things happen. Nevertheless, it took going back to God to understand, to abide in his love so that I could heal and to begin to see myself in the way that I was truly supposed to see myself. That was a huge shift away from what happened to me, away from other people's opinions of me or people's judgments of me or even my own self imposed judgments. I was able to release that, just understanding that it's God's love that is perfect. It's God's love that truly will bind up all wounds. And as a matter of fact, he guarantees we're going to experience tribulation and trouble in this world anyhow because there is a real enemy that is after our purpose and wants to create disconnection between us and God. And that was a way for the enemy to do that. Unfortunately, however, as a result of healing, I've been able to move past the pain and actually stand on a platform on which I'm igniting my purpose. And there are women who have experienced, men who have experienced what I've been through and I can relate to that and I can help and say, hey, I am an example that you can heal. Dr. mOe: I know what you're going through, I know what you feel and you can heal. Before we go, you've written three books and you have the new release coming as part of the anthology that I mentioned in your intro briefly. Tell us about your books and how listeners can purchase them. Miriam Matthews: Absolutely. So the first book I wrote is called My Body Isn't Mine how to Heal Sexual Trauma and Find Peace. And it essentially sounds like what the title is or what it's about. So I felt in the beginning that my body wasn't mine, that it could just be treated any kind of way. And it really took going back to God or going to God and having that relationship with Him to realize, wait, my body is actually the temple of the Holy Spirit. I was bought the price. God loved me before. I didn't have to do anything to even earn his love. So it allowed for restoration and a peace that came that pushed out all perversion or the wrong version of me seeing myself. Because now God is all truth, even in scriptures, his Holy Spirit is described as the spirit of truth. Right. So the more I abide it in God, I abide it in truth. And now it's all about healing and becoming that living sacrifice so that God can use me in amazing, mighty ways. Dr. mOe: Wow. Miriam Matthews: So I hope that makes sense. Thank you. Good. The second book is actually another book with Les Brown. It's called unleash your undeniable impact. And that was with Les Brown and Dr. Cheryl woods. It just sends a message, has like maybe 50 to 60 chapters in there from authors who are sharing their stories and wanting to inspire people to be their best selves as well. It's motivational. It's amazing to meet you right where you are. If you just need a dose of inspiration for the day to just keep going. We all need encouragement. That is what that book is about. Dr. mOe: Absolutely. Miriam Matthews: And then the third one is my most recent one and it's called the Courage to Answer God's Call on Your Life. That one is the one that we've been dabbling in today, which is learning how to shift away from people pleasing behavior, becoming your most authentic self in Christ. Throughout this interview, I've been expressing that that's where I am. I'm really all about my relationship with God. I believe many people can experience success, but I wanted to experience success and peace. I wanted to be at the sacrifice. Dr. mOe: Hey, you're doing a great position. Miriam Matthews: Yes, ma'am. I'm called to do it, so I said all right. And it takes courage. It takes courage. So it's about not letting fear stop you, not letting the fear of rejection or people's opinions or criticisms stop you and you're not stopping yourself getting out of the way, letting God have this way in your life when he gets your yes, amazing things happen and I think that is key to igniting power. Dr. mOe: Absolutely. If God gives you vision, he's going to give you pro vision. So act on it. Act on it. Be sure and clear where it came from and what you to do and make it happen. Well, this is speaking of motivating and inspiring us exactly what this interview has been. Mary Matthews, I so appreciate you bringing your expertise. Perpetual motion with Dr. Mo Anderson. Lastly, please tell folks how they can find you online. I know the last book you mentioned is on Amazon with some great reviews, but tell people how they can connect with you online and learn more and purchase your books. Miriam Matthews: Absolutely. So here's my website. It is defined one more time. Define-your-dna com. Or you can also go online and just type in the browser. Bonus definition bonus. Definerreddna.com and just really short. What is this whole DNA thing about? When things happen to me in my childhood, in some way, it was an attack on my destiny and who I was. I didn't have the words to frame it, but I felt it was like an attack on me, my DNA. However, it's our responsibility to be an active participant in our healing. So that's what the defined part is about. But DNA means dive into God, n is neutralize negative beliefs, and A is activate power and purpose. So that is how you define your DNA. Dr. mOe: Oh, my. Let the church say amen. Miriam Matthews: Amen. Dr. mOe: Thank you. Wasn't that a great program? I love that episode. I enjoyed it. I hope you did, too. Please remember to, like, subscribe and share. Learn more about me on my website, dr. Moanderson.com. That's Moe. You can read book excerpts, watch videos, learn about my services that I offer, and book me for a speaking engagement. I'd love to talk with your group, and I'd love to work with you. So until the next time, review, renew, and read you. Miriam Matthews: Thank you. Bye.    

Sarah Marcella was a high-end professional editorial photographer for years. In this episode, she explains to Dr. mOe why she grew tired of naturally beautiful women requesting filters and editing that made them almost unrecognizable. She decided to launch a mobile photography business featuring natural, unretouched photos of women and nonbinary individuals. She calls her traveling home/studio the "Boudie Bus"! Fellow photogs call her the "Robin Hood of Photographer" because her clients pay what they can and everyone gets the same level of service. From almost dying in a freak accident as a teen to teaching women how to appreciate their perfect imperfections, Sarah's story is so inspiring. See her photos and learn more about Sarah on her website https://www.theboudiebus.com/ 

Lee Hopkins aka Coach (he/him/his) is a trans man who helps others learn the qualities of true friendship and believes it starts with being a friend to yourself. After spending years hiding and feeling disconnected, he realized the key to meaningful relationships is not “finding your tribe”, it's attracting your vibe by being authentic. Lee chats with Dr. mOe Anderson about his journey and shares his 3N's framework for creating boundaries. To learn more about Lee and his work, visit his website and take the friendship challenge!  

Are you the spouse or parent of a veteran or someone who is often away from home? That can be challenging and lonely. Veronica Williams is a licensed minister who has a long history of community leadership and relationship building. She coaches military wives as the long-time spouse of a veteran, helping them maneuver through the challenges that come with a military lifestyle. This led to her selection as a Fort George G. Meade Volunteer of the Year. In this episode, we discuss the true purpose of dating, the challenges for veteran's spouses, coping with a miscarriage, and why couples must make room for mess!

Craig Thorn is man of many skills. He's a musician, hip-hop journalist, and expert on craft beer who is best known as the host of Canada's premier craft beer podcasts and web series, BAOS Podcast. From his home in Canada, Craig travels North America and Australia interviewing some of the world's top brewers and craft beer minds. In this episode, he schools us on everything from the world's best beer to how one brewer is bringing diversity to the beer industry. In this episode, we discuss  the traditional vs craft brewing process the difference between ales and lagers macro and micro brewing the global Black is Beautiful Beer initiative gluten-free beer brewery politics building a brand and more...! Learn more about Craig Thorn and BAOS at and  

Sibongile Ngako is a Harvard educated corporate executive who believes that multifaceted women can accomplish tremendous things with compassionate support.  She is a strong advocate of female perspectives. Today, we're discussing how to overcome the top 5 financial challenges and how to be your authentic professional self! In this episode, we discuss the top 5 financial challenges women must overcome, the gender wage gap, how to pay yourself first, and why you should leave your children an inheritance.

Terre Short is a human potential developer and has been a coach in some capacity her entire career. She has more than 30 years of leadership experience and she has coached every level of employee including staff, senior leaders, physicians, and managers. She excels in assessing complex situations/challenges and helping others break them down with clarity into actionable steps. Terre is the author of "The Words We Choose: Your Guide to How and Why Words Matter." In this episode, Terre and Dr. mOe discuss:  How words like "if" and "but" minimize Why your Personal Podcast aka "internal narrative" matters How good leaders relate praise to company values How to ask more powerful questions Recognizing and dealing with sarcasm Words that maximize and motivate Ways to change low employee morale And more... Connect with Terre and learn more about her work at Please like, share, and subscribe. www.drmOeanderson.com 

Meet Vi Vi Thai. She is a van lifer, minimalist, and Mystery School Initiate who left her life as a highly trained engineer in corporate America to follow her heart and become a nomad. She says we have been programmed to chaos but she has found true freedom using the ancient concept of Alchemy and not following society's rules. At the end of 2017, she left Vietnam for Canada. There, she embarked on a one-of-a-kind nomadic van-life adventure. Now, she helps others find their path and authentic selves for a fulfilled life of happiness. When she's not planning her next adventure, you can find her savoring life's simple pleasures with her beloved dog Marco. In this episode, we discuss finding freedom through the stages of Alchemy, van life, living in Vietnam, solo travel, the importance of exposure to other cultures, and her new book "Living Through Alchemy: A Transformational Journey to Freedom." Learn more about Vi Vi Thai and connect with her online at  . Please like, subscribe, and share!

There's a problem with loving your neighbor like yourself if you don't love yourself well. Too many of us don't love our bodies, our careers, and our relationships. We are living in a state of endless crisis management. Joy doesn't just come in the morning, you have to plan for its arrival. In this episode, Dr. mOe expands on topics from her book "Success Is A Side Effect" which is now available on Audible! Learn how to manage your happiness like a business the medical benefits of laughter why habit is stronger than reason how Norman Cousins healed himself with humor therapy the difference between threats and action

Have you ever faced an obstacle that seemed too big to move, climb or go around? I mean something huge like Mount Kilimanjaro, the dormant volcano that is the highest single free-standing mountain above sea level in the world!! Imagine tackling something challenging. Nancy Pickard, literally climbed that mega mountain at the young age of sixty-one years. Now, she helps others overcome their fears no matter the size or shape.  Nancy is the author of “Bigger, Better, Braver: Conquer Your Fears, Embrace Your Courage and Transform You're Life." In this episode, we discuss: how to use fear as a driving force, tools to overcome long-held fears, how to discover unconscious commitments and shadow beliefs, and how to move past your fears. Learn more about Nancy at https://nancypickardlifecoach.com/

Cultural identity is a sense of belonging to a group based on numerous cultural categories, not just nationality or gender. Sam Thiara is a British-born Canadian. His parents grew up in Fiji and his grandparents are from India. As an adult, this lecturer, storyteller, author, and mentor longed to know more about his family in India. With nothing more than a faded photograph, he set out on an amazing journey of discovery. Hear his story and learn why knowing who you are is more important than knowing what you are going to do next!  Sam Thiara is a storyteller, author, educator, TedX speaker, and entrepreneur. He is a lecturer at the Beedie School of Business at Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, Canada. In, this episode we discuss cultural identity, leadership, and overcoming obstacles. Learn more about Sam and order his book "Lost and Found: Seeking the Past and Finding Myself" at sam-thiara.com

What the heck possessed Will Smith to slap Chris Rock?  Dr. Eddie Capparucci is a licensed therapist certified in the treatment of pornography addiction. He works with men struggling with emotional regulation and various types of addictions as well as their partners. Dr. Capparucci has worked with professional athletes including NFL and MLB players and television personalities. In this episode, we're discussing Will Smith and "Thee Slap", toxic masculinity, and Dr. Capparucci's latest book "Why Men Struggle to Love." It explains how men who do not receive the nurturing needed in the early stages of childhood development, end up being emotionally underdeveloped. This leads to troubled relationships and the development of addictive behaviors. He is the creator of the Inner Child Model, which has been endorsed by many leaders in the sex addiction field. In this episode we discuss:  why many men struggle with emotional discomfort the reason behind addictive behaviors why pornography addiction has nothing to do with the partner  how to move from an emotional state to a rational thinking state and why some men struggle to love Learn more about the Inner Child Model and his book at You can learn more about his book go to www.strugglingmen.org

Attorney Tamika Michelle Johnson of Atlanta takes dating and relationships seriously. She personally experienced challenges in dating like many who become successful professionally and financially. Now, she teaches high-achieving clients to apply the business strategies that have made them successful in their careers to their personal relationships. Tamika graduated from The University of Georgia (B.A.) and Southern University Law Center (J.D.) and has been an Attorney for over 15 years, practicing primarily in the areas of Real Estate and Estate Planning in Georgia. Tamika is married and a mother of three. Tamika aka"The Matchmaking Attorney" is also a magazine publisher and the married mother of three. Listen to this candid convo as she and Dr. mOe discuss practical principles for dating later in life. Topics include: Why everyone needs a prenup Legal contracts vs religious covenants Common-law marriage The importance of a Power of Attorney for every adult What is a healthcare directive and why do you need one? Estate planning mechanisms to protect you and your adult children The simple way prenups can be voided if they don't contain the right language Generational wealth and more>>>> Learn more about Tamika's matchmaking service Platinum Connections and Platinum Magazine  at www.myplatinumconnections.com

Jas Takhar is the Founder of the #1 Real Estate sales team in Canada. He and his team have done over $1.6b in sales, closing over 500+ transactions during the pandemic. Jas knows a lot about creating a brand, generating social media content, and becoming an influencer in your industry. In this dynamic podcast episode, he and Dr. mOe Anderson discuss the following topics:  The value in working for free Why you should FAIL as much as possible How to become an influencer in your industry Producing content for social media efficiently Jas's amazing life story growing up in Toronto, Canada Self-discipline and restraint as generational wealth Making teamwork work! Connect with Jas on IG @jastakhar13 and visit his website https://jastakhar.ca/  

Are you shining bright like a diamond with many facets? Are you tired of just surviving one day after the next? If you're ready for the next level, Joy Scott is a humorist, resilience speaker, and coach who helps others succeed. In this episode, she's teaching her "new" definition of success and how to turn obstacles into opportunities. As a bonus, Joy shares her new empowering rap song for the superhero in you! Listen as she and Dr. mOe Anderson discuss these important topics: Why you should schedule periods of "gratefulness" How to have a "no matter what" mentality Life after a layoff Why you should just say "no" The joy of reinventing yourself The signs of burnout Why it's ok to work a 9-5 How to live a no-apologies life! And FOMO To learn more about Joy Scott, visit her website https://www.joyscott.pro/ View Joy in hilarious action on YouTube youtube.com/watch?v=zFy8AwBbs5A   Please subscribe, comment, and share!

Are you going to let other people tell your story? If you haven't written your personal history, that's exactly what will happen according to Linda Jones, the Writing Doula. Jones is a veteran journalist, writing consultant, and grief recovery specialist who provides writing solutions for storytelling, legacy-keeping, healing, and self-care. Many people avoid writing because of "red pen syndrome" from school writing assignments. However, writing can be part of self-healing and mood stabilization according to Jones. In this episode, we discuss-*legacy writing to document your personal history and genealogical information *why newsrooms write obituaries for celebrities like Betty White long before they die *how to turn your life history into a family heirloom *why grieving family members are the worst people to write your obituary *mental health benefits of expressive writing Learn more about Linda Jones at thewritingdoula.com and https://afrobituary.com/. Please like, comment, and subscribe today!

Divorce is devastating. Kelli Calabrese thought she had it all together with a beautiful family, going to church, living in a McMansion with luxury cars, world-class trips, healthy, supportive friends . . . and then it all blew up.  Her husband of 24 years came home and said his commitment to their marriage was "zero" and he left.  For the first time, she experienced depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia.  Even as a health and wellness professional for 34 years studying personal development, nothing prepared her for divorce. In this episode, Kelli and Dr. mOe discuss how those going through divorce and separation become bitter and stuck replaying their sad and unjust story over and over in their minds. Kelli shares her 3-year journey to heal and stop the pain.  She not only survived but is thriving and now empowers others to overcome the fear, grief, and rejection of divorce so they can create a fabulous bonus life they can be excited about.  Learn more about Kelli and download her bestselling book for free at Join Kelli's "Intentionally Fabulous" free Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/IamIntentionallyFabulous

The tragic deaths of former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst and the son of Actress/Producer Regina King have brought suicide to the headlines again. Stacey D. Brown is a mental health and wellness expert who uses her experience with depression and a suicide attempt to help others "do life better." After experiencing a series of personal tragedies in 2013, she found herself in a very dark place. Wisely, she sought counseling, and today she is a community leader, activist, educator, speaker, and mother of 3. Understanding the difference between normal, temporary sadness and clinical depression could save your life or the life of a loved one. Stacey D. Brown has been featured in "Rolling Out" and other major publications sharing her strategies for maintaining mental and spiritual wellness. Stacey has training in trauma-informed care, mindfulness, and meditation. She is a Mental Health Peer Specialist in the State of Texas. She also leads a chapter of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. and works with the Urban League. Visit Stacey's website at Connect with Stacey on social media @staceydspeaks Correction: The scripture Dr. mOe quoted regarding a "Job year" is actually Psalm 118:17.

The iconic publication "Parade Magazine" recently featured Dr. mOe Anderson in a health story on her courageous 10-year journey with a rare form of cancer known as #GIST. The story is titled "Everything I Wish I'd Done Right After My Cancer Diagnosis: Dentist Monica Anderson On Her Cancer Diagnosis Story." Parade Magazine is the most widely read magazine in the U.S. with a circulation of 32 million and a readership of 54.1 million. Dr. mOe has been an advocate for raising cancer awareness since shortly after her diagnosis. In 2013, she wrote a blog about things people shouldn't tell someone with cancer. She turned the blog into a podcast episode and YouTube vlog in 2018. That YouTube vlog (video blog) is embedded in the recent article. In this episode, Dr. mOe shares a story from her childhood about reading Parade Magazine every Sunday and the tips for communicating compassionately. Visit Dr. mOe's blog on Blogger at PerpetualmOetion.com or her website to read the latest blog post!

What is the Strong Black Woman Complex and how does it censor the voice of pain? In this riveting podcast episode, author, cultural activist, and Hurston/Wright Foundation co-founder, Marita Golden, shares why women of color must begin to redefine strength. Golden's new book, "The Strong Black Woman Complex: How A Myth Endangers the Physical and Mental Health of Black Women," is the basis for this discussion of oft-ignored topics such as colorism, rape culture, why black women fail to grieve, and destigmatizing mental health care. Order Marita Golden's new book wherever books are sold or visit newstrongblackwomen.com. Learn more about Golden's career and literary services at maritagolden.com/books Find a therapist of color at https://therapyforblackgirls.com/

Did you know active listening starts with relationship and genuine curiosity? Educator, creative, and half-marathoner Rahbin Shyne teaches the top 3 practices to improve listening and how to keep your listening skills sharp.  When she's not teaching, Rahbin is the host "365 Brothers Podcast" where she interviews diverse African American men by asking each of them the same 11 questions during an intimate convo. IKR? What a lovely idea! Learn more and contact Rahbin Shyne at 365brothers.com

Lifestyle consultant Jaye Chase is the embodiment of the idiom “STAY READY so You NEVER Have to GET READY!"  As a creative, in-demand chef, she pushes culinary boundaries to create mouth-watering dishes. She's also an author, activist, event planner, and CEO of Capital J Boutique, a lifestyle consulting group. Jaye recently published her first cookbook, “Cuttin' Up in the Kitchen with Jaye.” In this HILARIOUS EPISODE she "dishes" on the staples every kitchen must have, virtual cook-alongs, charcuterie, alternative ingredients for the lactose intolerant and vegans, and why cooking is actually a love language.  Follow Jaye on IG and Facebook - @CapitalJLikeJefferson

A self-described "comedy rapper, Instagram actor, retired athlete, and physically intimidating podcaster" Tony Anderson is anything but ordinary. He's a 240 pound mass of muscle who works in finance for a global organization, hosts a widely popular podcast show  "Oooh They Funny," gets Tweet likes from Ava Duvernay, and speaks his mind as if America truly has freedom of speech. Oh, and yes, he's my son. Never, since he moved out, have we had a convo this long and this frank. I finally got to ask all my questions and hear his unrushed, unvarnished answers. In this episode, we discuss... Racism in athletics Colin Kaepernick style Growing up with a famous father Raising Black-ish kids with a sense of cultural identity Chris Rock's advice on raising daughters How to tell your kids are lying How to build a syndicated podcast from scratch... And more!  Subscribe to on Spreaker or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Squid Game is Netflix's addictive series about hundreds of cash-strapped people who enter a contest to potentially win millions of dollars. To win, they play children's games like Tug of War and Red Light, Green Light. What the participants fail to ask is "What happens to the losers?" (Spoiler Alert: if you haven't seen it. I give away some of the plot in this episode which was taped live on the new app "WISDOM" now available in the Apple store.) Subscribe, rate, comment, and share, please!

When deciding on a major Anne Boyd chose tech because that's where the money was at the time. She was right and she was smart enough to get out before that bubble burst. After retiring young, Anne decided to pursue a career in the arts. She earned a master's degree in journalism and became a freelance writer interviewing celebrities like Anna Deavere Smith (Black-ish, West Wing, Nurse Jackie). Eventually, her curious mind explored playwrighting and it became her passion. In this episode, you'll hear the full audio play she wrote for Austin Community College's Radio Pandemic Series. It's called "Your Best Interest." It's a hilarious and prophetic piece about driverless cars. Look for Anne's new podcast show "Who's Running The Show" wherever you listen to podcasts.  Connect with Anne Boyd on social media or email her at aboyd711@mac.com. Warning: explicit content, there is some profanity in the play.

Armando Rayo aka Mando is a cultural historian, author, engagement strategist, and "Taco Journalist" whose work has been featured in The New York Times, Bon Appetite, NPR, Texas Monthly, and The Food Network. In this episode, he and Dr. mOe discuss immigrants, culture, street tacos, and more. Hear how Mando grew a blog about tacos into three published books, a podcast, and a documentary series in partnership with PBS Digital. He believes "food brings people together!" Watch the series ""  Listen to the podcast Watch on Youtube

Kareemah Emordi is a successful playwright, producer, corporate exec, and author. Born and raised Muslim, she has a jaw-dropping testimony of God's pursuit of a woman who didn't want or need "your Jesus." In this episode, she shares with Dr. mOe about overcoming intense fear, anxiety and suicidal thoughts, physical illness, and the day God literally stopped the Atlanta rain! Learn more at

Brian J. Olds President of Black Speakers Network joins Dr. mOe Anderson with tips and tools to improve your public speaking. While content is important, other factors such as hand gestures, pitch, and tone contribute to the impact of your presentation. Whether you are speaking to persuade, inform, or sell, learn the secrets professionals use to wow their listeners! Watch the video on Facebook at https://bit.ly/38oUm4c Join Black Speakers Network at  for more information and to download the free resource book for speakers! Visit Brian's website at  Here are links to the equipment we mentioned to improve your video and audio quality when speaking virtually. [Amazon Affiliate Links provided] Light: Neewer 20-inch LED Ring Light Kit  Smaller light: UBeesize 10” Selfie Right Light with 50 “ Tripod  Camera: Nexigo Autofocus FHD Webcam  YelloWay Dual Lavalier Microphone  Microphone Pop Filter  Blue Nessie USB Condenser Microphone  Portable Green Screen 

Dating is not what it used to be. It's so hard! Right? Brooke Fitzpatrick, CEO of Mosaic Matchmaking is a professional matchmaker and dating coach in Dallas, Texas. She joined Dr. mOe to discuss matchmaking. Topics include:  when women should be more "assertive" what social media profiles reveal dating red flags does size matter? first date don'ts and so much more... As an added bonus, Brooke is offering a free 30-minute consultation to anyone interested in her services. Go to to book your appointment and be sure to mention that Dr. mOe referred you. Learn more at   * *

Karen Abercrombie is an award-winning actress, producer, storyteller, singer, songwriter and so much more. After her break-out starring role as Ms. Clara in the 2015 faith-based blockbuster "War Room," she became a household name internationally. Today, she has her own production company and she's on a mission to share her gifts and her faith with the world. In this episode, she discusses her latest project, the critically acclaimed movie "Discarded Things" which she co-wrote, produced, and starred in. Other topics she discusses with Dr. mOe include: Acting classes with Angela Bassett and Judi Dench Growing up in church Being typecast after "War Room" Forgiveness and redemption Foster kids Being a reformed party girl :-) Watch "Discarded Things" for free on YouTube or stream it on Amazon Prime or Pureflix. Contact Karen to host a screening of her movie at  

A marathon is 26.2 miles run. Most people never run one marathon. Tony Reed has run 100's. He is one of fifty people worldwide, who completed the marathon “hat trick.” This consists of finishing (1) at least 100 marathons, (2) a marathon on all seven continents, and (3) a marathon in each of the fifty States. He was inducted into the National Black Distance Running Hall of Fame in 2017. His journey from childhood with pre-diabetes in the projects of St. Louis to becoming a CPA, corporate executive, record-breaking marathoner, author, and co-Founder of the National Black Marathoners Association is an epic tale of resilience, perseverance, and faith. In this episode, he discusses the running life with Dr. mOe Anderson.  Topics discussed include: The Boston Marathon Bombing in 2013. Tony was at the race Increasing diversity in distance running Tips for new runners to prevent injuries Life and leadership lessons from running How running saves you money The importance of training plans How to know when it's time for new running shoes Becoming a role model and more... Learn more about Tony and the National Black Marathoners Association at Like the National Black Marathoners Association FaceBook page https://www.facebook.com/blackmarathoners/ Order Tony's book "From the Road to the Rat Race"  

Entrepreneurial Strategist, Author, and Speaker Dr. Masudi Stolard joins Dr. Moe Anderson to discuss working as a White House Intern during the Obama Administration, using sentiment analysis to drive sales, entrepreneurship, maintaining life balance while managing multiple roles, and the myths of business start-up. If you're thinking of starting a business or trying to expand your business, this is a must-hear episode. We also discuss what to say when the FBI calls and the movie "Fatherhood" starring Kevin Hart. Dr. Stolard has great advice for new parents trying to do it all and not lose it all! Learn more about Dr. Stolard at mstolard.com.  If you're interested in The Hatch white noise machine Dr. Stolard mentioned, here's an Amazon Affiliate Link to this amazing product  

Affirmation is the key to successful leadership and relationships. Like a fancy fitness tracker, the key to functioning communication is pressing the right buttons in the right order. Verbal blows and weatherproofing do nothing but build walls of resentment.  In this episode, learn what weatherproofing means and why looking for the positive aspects in others is a better way to build trust. Transcript: I haven’t always been good at taking compliments and I’ll go out on a limb and say most American women aren’t very good at accepting praise. We like it, no doubt, but, then, we don’t know what to do. And I am talking about appropriate “atta girls” not harassment during the company picnic. The appropriate response to a few kind words is a simple, “Thank you. That’s very kind of you to say.” Instead, we make statements like, “This old thing? I’ve had this dress forever,” or “Nah, it’s not a big deal. I broker mergers between Fortune 500 companies” Why do we do this? Affirmation is a good thing. (read article) On the other hand, we often fall short in the compliment-giving area. There is nothing wrong with praising someone for doing a good job. We need to compliment each other a whole lot more than we do. If your co-worker has a nice new haircut, tell her. If your son took the time to iron his wrinkled shirt, tell him he looks nice even if he only ironed the cuffs and the collar. Maybe he’ll iron the entire shirt next time. Again, it’s important to understand the effect of praise. Research has proven that praise, as opposed to criticism, leads to more of the positive behavior. I’m on this tip because I was a weather-proofer for most of my life. When you weather proof a home, you go through it looking for every thing that’s wrong. You find windows that don’t seal properly. You check to ensure there’s enough insulation in the attic. You look for light seeping through cracks around the entry doors; an indication you need to add weather stripping. You pour over every square foot to see where you’re losing energy. In my advancing age, LOL, I’ve learned it’s just as important to look at the good things in my home. It’s beneficial to my mind and spirit to notice what is working properly. This applies to homes…and relationships. We need to seek balance between the praise we give our loved ones and the criticism we hurl at them. We need to spend much more time talking about what’s working properly in our relationships. I’ve come to believe that people are like my fitness tracker. It’s midrange in price and the design is simple. However, it’s much more complicated than it appears. Whenever, I decide to try an activity that’s outside my normal cardio routine like rowing for example. I try to change the function on the face of the watch. Invariably, I forget the peculiar combination of buttons and taps to change the time. I get mad at the thing and yell at it. I tell my Fitbit that it’s wrong and I’m going to replace it. Sometimes, I hit it. It doesn’t change. In order to get the fitness tracker to change on the outside, I must change the inside. I can’t do that by randomly pushing buttons. I have to push the right buttons, in the right order. Once, I get into the “heart” of the watch, I change the “behavior” of the watch. In other words, it responds favorably to my wishes. I react the same way and I suspect you do, too. If someone (manager, neighbor, or relative) communicates with me in the right way to me, I’m willing to help them. I want to help them. Yelling or hitting me doesn’t make me want to do anything but leave. Perhaps this works for everyone. Maybe if we show each other more appreciation, we’ll get along better. I’m willing to try. Are you? Copyright 2021. Monica F. Anderson. All rights reserved worldwide.

If you're an adult who is lucky enough to still have conversations with your parents, you know some things never change. In this episode, I re-enact a crack of dawn call from my dear parents that was as endearing as it was hilarious. Can you relate?

Does it seem like your clock has stopped and time is standing still? Here's a little encouragement and a life hack to get you back on track. #motivation #eventspeaker #humorist #author #podcaster

From a distance, cows look brown, white, and peaceful as they graze in the lush fields. Up close? They are huge, loud, and moody with very large eyes. That's why I was more than reluctant when my mother recruited me to round up one of their cows gone wild. Let's just say I am so NOT a cowgirl. Listen and have a laugh on me! 

Even before the worldwide discussion on racial disparities, being a black woman in my America required a special type of superpower. I wasn't born with it but acquiring this strength was part of the daily curriculum in survival for girls who looked like me. I thought my special ability was only useful for certain people but, as it turns out, being a superhero is a full-time job. To read the HuffPost article by D. Shante that I referenced visit . For more blogs, videos, and information about my books visit today!

Chloe X Halle recently broke the internet doing the Buss It Challenge so I thought, "Why not?" Stop laughing. Sure, my knees are older than Chloe and Halle combined but I started my challenge with stretches, random trips to the fridge, and self-talk. Sometimes my inner voice is rather critical though. So what happened was...

When you're under stress, it's easy to lose perspective or start swaying every way the wind blows. In this episode, Dr. mOe shares the key steps to move your focus away from shiny distractions to disciplined concentration. Learn to reach your large and small goals without sacrificing your relationships.

Hope is never false. Vision boards motivate you. Throughout the year they remind you of the what, why, where, and how of your dreams. Sometimes the "when" takes longer than a year but, thankfully, dreams don't have an expiration date. In this video, I share why it took four years to reach one of my big goals which was very frustrating but I didn't give up. Take your dreams out of the dark drawer or box in the closet, dust them off, and put them on display just for you. IN-courage yourself today! Dream big. See the video on YouTube https://youtu.be/neAh-pmor54

A snooty, wealthy suburban housewife in an electronic ankle monitor and a 10-year old who gets into his grandmother's edible brownies? Really? During a virtual meeting with A Good Read Book Club recently, I was asked how I came up with the plot for my novel. I tried to explain but really, the characters in the book talk to me. I simply write down what they're saying. #writersoffacebook #christianfiction #drmoeanderson #blackauthors #kindlebooks Order today at https://amzn.to/3lQftR2

Every answer is not on YouTube or Google. There will be problems your friends can't help you solve. The question is "When you don't know what might happen, do you want it badly enough to try anyway?" Fighting trees means using your experience and instinct in innovative ways no one can teach you. You know what you know. #winning

This interview is from the press junket for the anthology “So… How Was Your Date?: Dating Chronicles of Single Men and Women.” Writing and working with that group of men and women is one of the most fun tours of my career. We laughed so much I still smile when I think about it. Enjoy and order your copy at https://amzn.to/37s1RIe

Three active, inspiring female entrepreneurs were invited to participate in a program for the Girl Scouts of TX/OK. NBC Anchor Deborah Ferguson moderated the panel that included Dr. mOe Anderson (Speaker|Dentist|Entrepreneur|Author of Success is a Side Effect), Diana Kapp (Journalist|Author of Girls Who Run The World), and Anette Soto Landeros (CEO|FW Hispanic Chamber of Commerce President). These leaders offered advice on leadership, overcoming self-doubt, generational change, perseverance, and overcoming bias. This audio excerpt is taken from the 2020 Annual Women of Distinction program and we thank the Girl Scouts of America for their hard work to develop future leaders. Enjoy!

It was Super Bowl XXXIII, the championship game between Denver and Atlanta. I was the hostess with the mostest until the 3rd quarter. Then, something happened that resulted in me being called "Un-American" for literally the only time in my life. I still don't understand why everyone turned on me but I laugh every time I think about it! 

YouTuber Sans Sandwalker aka Dr. mOe's grandson took a few minutes out of his busy schedule to teach her how to play the popular video game Fortnite. The training session is hilarious and the ending is priceless! Watch the expressions on his face as she asks question after question that has nothing to do with how to play the game. Family fun!

Dating during a pandemic is so confusing. When I see a guy at the grocery store now, I can't tell if he's flirting or just annoyed by the fit of his mask.  There are 44 facial muscles to give a girl a clue. You can't hide them from me! Sliding into my DM's doesn't work anymore. I don't need a like or comment on socials. I need to know about hand hygiene and whether you wear a mask when accepting deliveries at your home! Seriously, "Are you safe to go out with?" has a whole new meaning. 

How do you survive four major crises at once? We have the worst pandemic ever, protests for racial justice, a plummeting economy, and destabilizing changes to the environment. Plus, you probably have personal challenges like your career, life balance, and your personal relationships. How do you fill the holes in your calendar with something other than calories? How do you thrive when you're trying to survive? You pivot to the problems and do what you do best. Dr. mOe Anderson is a speaker, author, dentist, and community activist in Texas. Her lifelong PASSION IS educating and entertaining others by sharing funny, practical, personal, and professional development strategies to elevate your attitude and altitude. Her motto is “Success Is A Side Effect” of doing your best in route to becoming your best! Visit her website at www.drmOeanderson.com and her nonprofit www.DropTheDrugs.org to learn more and join the conversation today! For More Empowering, and Entertaining Content – Please SUBSCRIBE, like, comment, post, and share the videos and podcasts you enjoy! Website ➜ Books on Amazon ➜https://amzn.to/2FjKpq9 Facebook ➜http://bit.ly/2Fknefl Instagram ➜ Twitter ➜http://bit.ly/2FjntqT

My 31-year-old son got COVID-19 which is the disease caused by SARS-CoV-2 aka novel coronavirus. If you think it's a hoax, trust me, it's not. He's one of the most active, healthy eating people I know. I heard DJ Jazzy Jeff and others talk about how debilitated they became so I was afraid for him to be alone. It was one of the scariest things we've both experienced. Later, I got a test for coronavirus. It's not fun but it's not that bad. I'm sharing my experiences because this is new and scary for all of us. Information is power. Be empowered! Dr. mOe Anderson is a speaker, author, dentist, and community activist in Texas. Her lifelong PASSION IS educating and entertaining others by sharing funny, practical, personal, and professional development strategies to elevate your attitude and altitude. Her motto is “Success Is A Side Effect” of doing your best in route to becoming your best! Visit her website at www.drmOeanderson.com and her nonprofit www.DropTheDrugs.org to learn more and join the conversation today! For More Empowering, and Entertaining Content – Please SUBSCRIBE, like, comment, post, and share the videos and podcasts you enjoy! Website ➜ Books on Amazon ➜https://amzn.to/2FjKpq9 Facebook ➜http://bit.ly/2Fknefl Instagram ➜ http://bit.ly/39FNNJW Twitter ➜http://bit.ly/2FjntqT

Dear World, Baby come back! I think about you every day. Little things bring you to mind. Like today when I was cooking the 207th not very happy meal of my quarantine. I remembered that waiter who knelt by the table to take my order for what has become my last supper (in a restaurant that is). Apparently, he sprayed droplets of saliva all over me, the table, and my food but you had already so thoughtfully put what Dr. Fauci calls anti-bodies and I call for-me bodies in my blood. Those invisible little warriors made it okay for most people to be within six feet of me doing ordinary things like using the letter “P.” Oh, do I miss those nice-to-meet-you Southern hospitality embraces. You did things like that for me all the time for so long I assumed you’d never stop. I thought it was my healthy living getting me through germ warfare. Then, COVID19 came out of nowhere. He doesn’t give a hot doggone about my sit-ups and kale. He doesn’t care how many liters of water I drink. He knows I’m vulnerable because you sent me home to think about how I’ve been treating you. You begged for my undivided attention year after year. You tried everything: pastel sunsets, misty waterfalls, serenades from every species of animal, and fresh flowers all Spring. I saw but I didn’t see. I heard but I didn’t hear. I am so sorry. I intended to pause and look into your blue eyes every time you sent a fluffy cloud to shade me, not just when I was on vacation but every single time—take one moment and thank you. I did not. Did I? I guess I forgot to express my appreciation for the raindrops tapping my skin as I rushed to my car. I was too busy worrying about my packages getting wet to take joy in having harmless rain caress me. Until recently, I didn’t fear the rain, or packages, or coughs, or much of anything because you made those luxuries seem like privileges. Now, you’ve made me delete everything from my calendar, eat at home, and sit for hours thinking about how I miss the things I complained about before like crowded stores and traffic. I have a new way of seeing things now. World, if you’ll turn things right side up and let me shelve these gloves and masks for yard work only, I’ll be ever so grateful. And, know this, there is nothing pure, lovely, admirable, or praiseworthy on earth that I will take for granted again.

Psychiatrist, Dr. Brian Dixon, and, Drop the Drugs, Inc. Founder, Dr mOe Anderson, have a frank discussion about mental health, drugs, and stay at home! Learn important tips for maintaining your mental and emotional wellness as we enter our post-COVID19 normal. In this episode, they discuss many topics, including signs of anxiety in children, insomnia, self-medication in adults, and how to prepare yourself for our new normal. Learn common places teens hide drugs, the effect of taking high doses of over the counter drugs, and why you should always administer ADHD/ADD drugs to your children of any age personally. They also describe how to safely store and properly dispose of unused medications in the home to avoid accidental poisonings and decrease drug misuse. Dr. Brian Dixon (www.drbriandixon.com) is a practicing psychiatrist, author, healthcare reform advocate, and keynote speaker. Dr. mOe Anderson (www.drmOeanderson.com) is the Founder and President of www.dropthedrugs.org, a dentist, motivational speaker, and multi-published author. Learn more about Drop The Drugs- Facebook/@dropthdrugs Twitter/dropthedrugsusa www.dropthedrugs.org  About Dr. mOe- Dr. mOe’s PASSION IS educating and entertaining others by sharing practical personal and professional development strategies to improve your attitude and altitude. Her motto is “Success Is A Side Effect” of doing your best in route to becoming your best! For More Empowering, and Entertaining Content – Please SUBSCRIBE, like, comment, post, and share the videos and podcasts you enjoy! Website ➜ Books on Amazon ➜https://amzn.to/2FjKpq9 Facebook ➜http://bit.ly/2Fknefl Instagram ➜ http://bit.ly/39FNNJW Twitter ➜http://bit.ly/2FjntqT

This Coronavirus time out for the world has given me a lot of time to think. That may be the only sweet in this bittersweet lesson in living. For some reason, I keep having flashbacks to the day Chris Doleman saved my life. If you know anything about 290 pound NFL Pro Football Hall of Fame defensive ends, then yes, I mean THAT Chris Doleman. He passed away from cancer in January of this year. I hadn’t seen that brother in years but when the news broke, I cried like a member of my family had passed. The last time I saw Chris, I was in Atlanta on a book tour and I went by his home to visit. I enjoyed a fun hour or two with his family and then went on my way. We talked about that day and the pool party where he did one of the most heroic things I’ve ever seen on or off a football field.   Let me back up though. You may know me as a motivational speaker, author, blogger, or doctor of dental surgery but in a previous life, I was modeling in fashion shows and hanging out with entertainment stars and professional athletes while attending dental school. It was a crazy, very fun life. Nah, I wasn’t a groupie, I was married to a professional athlete and all that comes with the life. Not the dental school part, LOL, but the rest of it. I don’t talk about it much, not because I have regrets but because I’m a forward looking kind of person. That’s how I get things done. So I call that period my other life because it is surreally different than how I’m living now. So what had happened was one of the Minnesota Viking players, Greg Coleman, and his wife, Eleanor, were having one of their infamous pool parties. I can’t recall if it was this one with the stripper for Eleanor’s birthday or another occasion but I do know I was about 6 months pregnant. My mother and sister were visiting and they attended the party, also.  I was lounging by the pool enjoying the festivities when I noticed my sister was getting a little too close to the deep end. She was not a good swimmer and I became worried. Just as I was about to warn her, she started to sink. I will never forget the look of alarm in her eyes as her head submerged. I didn’t think to yell for help at that moment. I jumped up and dove in the pool. I swam to her intending to help but she was panicking. She fought me and pushed in underwater to elevate herself. We were struggling a while before everyone realized what was happening. I’m told Greg dove half the distance of the pool in his regular clothes. He was the grill master that day. He and others grabbed my sister and got her to the side of the pool. At that point, I was too exhausted to swim any longer. I came up for air one last time and my eyes locked with those of Cheryl Rice. A weak “help” came from my lips as I went down what I thought was the last time. My life did flash before my eyes. As I was in my early twenties, I was not especially happy with what I saw. I knew I had made a terrible mistake and risked both my life and my unborn son.  Suddenly, I felt the oddest thing. Two hands grabbed my feet and pushed up. I didn’t know if I was hallucinating or it was an angel. I was terrified and confused but I kept rising. When my mouth broke the surface, I took a huge, delicious gasp of air. Someone grabbed me and got me out of the pool. I clearly recall lying on the ground as they debated whether to call 911. I looked across the pool and saw Doleman climbing out of the water! He couldn’t swim well, if at all. Yet, he got in that deep water and with his great muscle mass and height, he was able to walk across the bottom of the pool and push me to safety. That was such a brave and bighearted thing to do. He taught many teammates and offensive linemen lessons on the field but that day he taught me three things off the field. I have carried these lessons with me everywhere. Sometimes the people closest to you will not be able to help you. They may have the love and the desire but not the skills. Don’t get angry with them for what they cannot do. Keep looking. If you’re drowning—mentally, financially, academically, or literally-ask for help. I could swim but the task at hand was beyond my abilities as a swimmer. When you’re in over your head, let people know. Don’t discount someone because of what you know about them. Just because they don’t know the industry or genre or way things are done, doesn’t mean they can’t have a good idea. The answer to your problem may come from an unlikely source. All we need sometimes is a push toward the light. Rest in peace, Chris Doleman. Thank you for these valuable lessons of a lifetime. Copyright 2020. All Rights Reserved. Monica F. Anderson.

Inner peace is the antidote to chaos. Avoid spiritual bankruptcy by having multiple deposits of joy from multiple sources: family, community, exercise, socializing, work and more. Don't wrap your sense of relevance around only one role. If you have balance in your life, when you lose one thing, you realize you haven't lost everything and you move forward with a sense of purpose. This excerpt is taken from the book "Success Is A Side Effect" by Monica F. Anderson, Now available in print, e-book, and audiobook.

The world seems upside down right now. We have global pandemics, job loss, strained relationships and bills due, Maybe you're having trouble sleeping or the headaches won't go away. Don't ignore the yellow lights on the dashboard of your life. It's time to schedule that nervous breakdown. Here's how to reset on your own terms. YouTube Channel ➜ Website ➜www.drmoeanderson.com Books on Amazon ➜ Facebook ➜

When I was thrown from the gas grill of self-employment into the inferno of big business, I had so much to learn. They had so many acronyms and workarounds my head was spinning. I needed help and I needed help fast. So I called EAP for assistance with my password. Yeah, now I know. That's not exactly what they do. LOL!

Are you about that UN- life? You already know. Un-fulfilled? Un-happy? Un-fortunate? Un-appreciated? Un-equal? Un-wanted? Un-heard? If U are N, then U can get out!  @drmOeanderson

I guess I have been writing this blog since around 2013. Five years is a long time to spend on a blog of a few hundred words. Right? That's because I reluctantly became a cancer Griot after my first diagnosis of a rare sarcoma () in 2012. I bounced back as best one can with the constant audio of falling mortars in the back of your mind. I know it's hard to understand how someone can grocery shop or celebrate a birthday in a war torn country, but I get it. You adapt. You alternate placing one foot six inches in front of the other. And you move forward. I used to tell people "it gets better with time." It doesn't. It only "gets easier" as does anything with repetition. But you are not reading this for my story. You want to know what to say to your mother, father, BFF, colleague, or FaceBook friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer. Each year, over 12 million people in the world are diagnosed with cancer. The National Cancer Institute published this startling statistic recently, "In 2018, an estimated 1,735,350 new cases of cancer will be diagnosed in the United States and 609,640 people will die from the disease." Chances are you know one of those people very well. Those of us caught in the eyewall of this malignant cyclone really need the emotional and physical support of the 7 billion people who don't have cancer more than we need better diets, meditation, and targeted immunotherapy. Without you, the reason for our reason, we cannot make the changes in our minds that make the changes in our body to win the epic fight against ourselves. I have had 100's of people give me advice I never asked for about how to handle this diagnosis. Some of it was very helpful but some of it was incredibly hurtful. No, I can't speak for everyone but I've been a willing ear and an advocate for enough survivors to feel comfortable offering this advice on things you should avoid saying to someone with cancer: "Do you have a family history of cancer?...Have you been around chemicals?...Were you a smoker? What is your diet like?" or anything that may be construed as "you brought this on yourself". Even if I did, I'd rather hear it from the oncologist than my friend. "Disease is caused by sin...You need to repent." As said by the same people who brought you, God is love. After someone's foundation has been shattered, this sounds a lot like "God hates you". That may not be what you mean but that's what it feels like. I suggest you skip the "sinner" part and go straight to "God loves you". People need to be receptive to difficult messages and, well intended though you may be, condemning a person in anguish may push them farther into a depressed state. If you are Christian and inclined to share a scripture, consider John 9: 1-5. "Don't talk about it...Don't say 'I have cancer' because you attract negativity." For a person newly diagnosed with cancer, putting a sentence together is an act of sheer courage. The choice of pronouns or grammar, in general, is not high on the list of things we care about. This is a conversation that needs to take place because being positive and hopeful is essential to recovery. I preferred the gifts of audio books and paperbacks (# book is a MUST) which conveyed the same message from a faceless third party with the same experience. And, I needed to talk about it and talk about it and talk about it for two years until I got to the point where it wasn't the start and end of my every thought. I could not keep all that confusion, rage, and heartbreak in my head. I am so grateful for the patient people who let me talk until I reached this place where I can help others. "The same thing happened to my friend's sister (insert long, detailed story that ends abruptly when you realize that other person died and now you don't quite know what to say." Just think it through 'til the end before you share someone else's cancer experience. If it did not end well, keep that yourself. Survival against all odds stories are better. It's been six years since I was originally diagnosed and I could go on but I hope this is enough to give you a bit of insight. There is no right or wrong because everyone's needs are different. My best advice is to let the person with cancer lead the conversation. When you respond, say as many positive things as you can over and over. Lastly, please, please don't avoid your friend or family member because you don't know what to say. Honestly, a few of my friends did not communicate with me until I was well on the road to recovery (months after my diagnosis) and that's the excuse they volunteered without prompting. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that hurt me emotionally as much as the two surgeries. Match their courage to live with your courage to love out loud. I am ashamed to admit this truth but it was very hard to forgive them. I did but our relationship turned a few degrees below comfortable. Most people don't know what to say. You don't have to talk. Show up. Hug. Be present. Be kind. Ask "What do you need from me?" Then, love us hard even when we are hard to love. Fear changes you. Thank you for caring enough to read this blog. Please share it with someone else who is wondering what to say. @drmOeanderson

In this podcast, Dr. mOe shares 10 practical and creative ways to live a more happy, productive, and fulfilling life by making yourself a priority. These strategies are excerpted from her latest book, "Success Is A Side Effect: Leadership, Relationships, and Selective Amnesia." Download your copy today on Google Books or Amazon! Follow her @drmOeanderson

Dr. mOe  Anderson is an author, dentist, and dynamic mOe-tivational speaker. She is a graduate of the University of Minnesota School of Dentistry and Baylor UniversityShe has published six books including a bestselling romance novel, a book on Ebonics, and her most recent release, "Success Is A Side Effect: Leaderships, Relationships, and Selective Amnesia." She believes each person must have a customized definition of success and a personal Board of Directors to achieve their highest potential.   In her lectures, podcasts and writings, Dr. mOe freely recounts the numerous challenges she has overcome and the lessons learned with courage and grace. Her story has been called a “master class in corporate ascension” taking audiences from her greatest accomplishments to the lows of being diagnosed with a rare, malignant form of cancer in 2012, then again, in 2013.   This native Texan has a very diverse background which includes owning a private dental practice, owning a GNC franchise, hosting a Time Warner Cable television program, and eight years writing a weekly lifestyle column for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Today, she works as a consultant for a dental insurance corporation, speaks to groups around the country, and spends as much time with her grandchildren as possible.   www.DrMoeAnderson.com

Small business 101 from serial entrepreneur Dr. mOe Anderson. Listen as she shares lessons learned in over three decades of business ownership including a successful retail franchise, publishing company, dental practice, real estate holdings, and running a household (her hardest job so far.) The seminar was during a luncheon for Executive MBA Students at the University of Texas at Austin so try to tune out the cutlery sounds. Remember, it's FREE advice. Good luck striking out on your own! For more, visit www.drmOeanderson.com

In this hilarious episode, Dr. mOe Anderson provides sage advice to be garnered from the classic tale "Alice in Wonderland." This episode was recorded at Austin Community College in Austin, Texas. Dr. mOe was addressing incoming college students, faculty, and administrators. For more visit www.drmOeanderson.com and drmoeutube on YouTube.com