POPULARITY
35 episodes with Dymphna
5 episodes with Dymphna
2 episodes with Dymphna
2 episodes with Dymphna
2 episodes with Dymphna
2 episodes with Dymphna
2 episodes with Dymphna
2 episodes with Dymphna
2 episodes with Dymphna
Send us a text**A Heartfelt Conversation with Andy Jones on Theater, Resilience, and Mental Health**In this episode of Gale Force Wins, we're joined by the legendary Newfoundland actor and writer, Andy Jones. Andy shares his journey in the arts, his reflections on a 52-year career, and his latest play, *Don't Give Up on Me Dad*, which dives into the powerful story of his late son, Louie, and the challenges of mental health. This is an inspiring and emotional conversation that sheds light on the arts, resilience, and the importance of speaking openly about mental health.**Timestamps:**0:00 - Introduction to Gale Force Wins 0:16 - Welcome to LSPU Hall with Andy Jones 0:42 - Andy reflects on his career and resilience in the arts 1:52 - The role of sales in driving the economy 2:04 - Inspiration for *Don't Give Up on Me Dad* 3:01 - The impact of audience feedback and the love for theater 4:30 - Andy's experience with Salter Street Films and TV sketch comedy 5:57 - Balancing the creative and business sides of being an artist 8:45 - Discussing *Don't Give Up on Me Dad* and Louie's story 10:29 - Andy's journey with grief and coping mechanisms 13:01 - The importance of mental health conversations 16:58 - Reflections on grief and seeking support 19:41 - A message from St. Dymphna from the play 23:35 - Show details and upcoming performances across Newfoundland and Labrador This is a powerful conversation about art, life, and the courage to share difficult stories. For more on Gale Force Wins, visit www.galeforcewins.com.Gale Force Wins started out simply as an inspirational podcast releasing episodes wherever you get your podcasts every Tuesday evening. We continue to do that every Tuesday but have expanded into custom content for clients. We also have perfected a conference and trade show offering where you can receive over 20 videos edited and posted to social media at the same time the event is unfolding.For businesses and organizations we also create digital content quickly and efficiently.Visit our services page here:https://galeforcewins.com/servicesTo message Gerry visit: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gerrycarew/To message Allan visit: https://www.linkedin.com/in/allanadale/
We've mentioned some saints before here on the Mourning Glory Podcast including St. Faustina, St, Elizabeth Ann Seton, and recently touched on St. Dymphna. Some saints are more well-known than others like St. Teresa of Avila, St. Catherine of Sienna and St. John Bosco, just to name a few. However, one saint in particular, St. Therese of Lisieux seems to generate a mixed reaction. Yet, she suffered greatly throughout her life and is an inspiration for remaining faithful through grief and sorrow.About St. ThérèseSt. Thérèse of Lisieux was born January 2, 1873, Alençon, France and died September 30, 1897. She was canonized on May 17, 1925 and her feast day is celebrated on October 1. Therese was a Carmelite nun whose service to her Roman Catholic order, although outwardly unremarkable, was later recognized for its exemplary spiritual accomplishments. She was named a doctor of the church by Pope John Paul II in 1997. She is a patron saint of missionaries, florists, pilots, and priests. She is also invoked on behalf of the sick and is commonly referred to as the “little flower”.So what Is it about her that generates mixed reactions? Is it the fact that some think of her as a little girl dancing around with flowers in the French countryside, singing songs? What is it about her “little ways” that people DO respond to and what makes her so influential and adored by many?Guest BioRosaline (Roz) Cruz-Rine, MA, MFT has been a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist for over 19 years. She has treated Children, Adolescents, Adults, Families, and Groups in all areas pertaining to Mental Health. Having recently closed her private practice of 17 years, she now works for St. Michael's Catholic Church in Stockton, CA. as the Director of Adult Faith Formation which began as a volunteer position over 10 years ago. She continues clinical work with referred clients and has begun a faith-based grief support group in her parish. Her work continues to include Trauma, Mood Disorders, Personality Disorders, and other areas which can result in Grief and/or Loss.She is the mother of seven adult children, and a grandmother of four grandsons, Roz, and her husband, Kevin, live in Stockton, Ca with their youngest son, John, their three spirited dogs, and one very demanding cat. She enjoys gardening, and is devoted to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and to Mama Mary, is a self avowed clotheshorse, and must have coffee with her favorite creamer daily.Links from the showSociety of the Little FlowerStory of a Soul: The Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux (the Little Flower)The Context of Holiness: Psychological and Spiritual Reflections on the Life of St. Therese of Lisieux by Marc FoleyJournaling QuestionsWhere do you see joy in your life?Reflect on today's episode. In what little ways are the saints reaching out to you?When was a time in your life when you chose to do the hard thing first?What is your mourning glory?Prayer for the souls of Isidro Morales and Robert KapinaIf you have questions or comments about today's show or to inquire about being a guest, head over to our website: www.mourningglorypodcast.com. There you will find links to previous episodes as well as information on how to contact us or request to be a guest on our show. You can also find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Questions Covered: 02:59 – What are the implications of praying to a saint that may or may not have ever existed? Couldn't this be dangerous/dubious in some way? I'm referring to saints that were probably local myths/legends. I take it you know some examples better than me since I'm a new Catholic. 06:23 – Are there other Marian beliefs beyond her Assumption and immaculate conception which the church could realistically issue as doctrines in the near future? Maybe even dogmas? 12:53 – Can Catholics play D&D? 14:27 – Will there be different happiness levels in heaven? For example if ones family didn’t make would they be less happy then if someone’s family did make it? 16:37 – What is “hyper papalism?” 18:09 – Does the Church currently teach that coeducation (especially of adolescents) is evil and are people dissenters for preferring it? 21:47 – The “lost” years of Jesus. Please. 28:49 – While Jesus was incarnate, how was he the creator of his contemporaries? (I’m cath., just looking to understand better). 31:21 – What does Mary’s assumption mean in context of resurrection? Why are some biblical figures resurrected and others are assumed to heaven (like the prophet Elijah), and what can we expect? I know that’s more than one question, but I also know you’ll come up with a succinct answer 33:53 – The topic of bulimia, anorexia, if eating disorders are sinful or not, are they signs of demonic oppression? How can one overcome them with the means of which the Church provides? Daily Mass isn't possible unfortunately 36:37 – In Matthew 12, 1-8 Jesus is referring to a story from 1 Sam 21, 2-7. My question is, why is He talking about David and his companions (verse 3) eating the bread, when David was alone there talking with Achimelek? The young men David is talking about are not there with him, so they did not eat the bread with David. It seems that Jesus is wrong about the story He is referring to. I’d appreciate an answer to this, thanks for your work Jimmy 41:52 – How do I respond to a seventh day Adventist asking, If the soul survives beyond death, then why do you need Mary to be bodily assumed? I don't know if I should approach this the same way I would approach this with any protestant or if I should deal with soul sleep and then use the same argument. Thank you God bless. 50:50 – I've been thinking about patron saints and would like to identify some for those suffering with schizophrenia and/or bipolar disorder. St. Dymphna is a good start, but are there any others? 52:14 – Doctrinal development in general… This is a core issue with my family members not accepting the Church. They will admit the Marian dogmas may be true, and don’t in principle reject them. They just can’t see why we should be compelled to accept them as “De Fide”. …
Are anxieties overwhelming you? This prayer to St. Dymphna, the great patron saint of mental illness and epilepsy, can help calm your nerves. The transcription for this Podcast can be found at https://www.ourcatholicprayers.com/prayer-to-st-dymphna.htm ADDITIONAL LINK MENTIONED IN THIS PODCAST: A Novena to St. Philomena
The town of Geel, in Belgium's Flanders region, is home to a surprising centuries-old tradition, where patients with mental health issues live with host families. It's said to date back to the 14th century, when the city attracted pilgrims praying to Dymphna, the local patron saint of mental illness – and locals began opening their doors to them. Nowadays, families in Geel do the same, with the help of the city's psychiatric hospital. Doctors there say many patients are better off with host families than in a closed medical environment. This unique care model has gained recognition well beyond Belgium's borders. Our correspondent reports.
Happy feast of St. Dymphna and St. Joan of Arc! On today's show, Matt Swaim and Anna Mitchell discuss how the former came to be recognized as the patron saint of mental health, and the latter became one of the Church's most recognizable symbols for courage. Guests include pastoral counselor Kevin Prendergast with thoughts on ethical decision making, Rita Heikenfeld with Bible Foods, and Gary Michuta with more clues about how to better understand Scripture. Plus news, weather, sports and more...
Santa Dymphna, virgen y mártir del siglo VII. Hija de un rey pagano y una madre cristiana fue educada por ella en la fe. Al quedarse huérfana, siendo adolescente, decide consagrarse a Nuestro Señor Jesucristo; su padre, presa de la locura por la muerte de su esposa, persigue a su hija tratando de forzarla a casarse con él. Santa Dymphna honra su promesa aceptando el martirio de manos de su padre. Es invocada como intercesora de quienes padecen enfermedades mentales, psicólogos y psiquiatras.
Fr. Anthony Amato is the Pastor of St. Peter's Parish in Clifton Springs, New York. He was ordained as a priest in June of 2017 by Bishop Salvatore Matano of the Diocese of Rochester, New York. In Today's Show If a diocese does not have a resident exorcist, does the Bishop have to appoint one? What are the dangers of not having an exorcist in the diocese? Does a priest have to want to be an exorcist to be appointed as one? Could the bishop tell or recommend to a priest to study to become an exorcist? What kind of training would that entail? Would you ever consider becoming, or have you ever wanted to become, an exorcist? Do you have any suggestions of saints who can intercede or special prayers for those afflicted with anxiety? I ask St. Rita and St. Dymphna for their prayers. Can you share any thoughts on the evil one's tactics in relationships? Holy Week Mass attendance policies and differences between rites Is it okay to dress well with the intention of wholesomely attracting the opposite sex before you have discovered what your vocation might be? Can a person baptize themself in an emergency? I would like to know if it is OK to attend a kid's birthday party during Lent. What are your thoughts on the Catholic Charismatic renewal? What are your thoughts on praise and worship music? Obviously Jesus Doesn't actually endorse divorce in Matthew chapter 19, but how can I refute that claim when someone makes it? Visit the show page at thestationofthecross.com/askapriest to listen live, check out the weekly lineup, listen to podcasts of past episodes, watch live video, find show resources, sign up for our mailing list of upcoming shows, and submit your question for Father!
Friends, we are in the midst of a mental health crisis, with many calling it another pandemic. Record-high numbers of Americans are facing depression and suicide. Nearly half of young people report feelings of persistent sadness or hopelessness. What's behind this crisis, and how can the Church help? That's what Brandon Vogt and I discuss on today's episode of “The Word on Fire Show.” A listener asks, is “just war theory” a concession to human weakness? How do we square that with Jesus' teachings on non-violence? 00:00 | Intro 01:09 | USCCB recap on surrogacy 03:49 | Why the mental health crisis matters to bishops 06:00 | Social media's role in damaged mental health 09:39 | Community's role in healing mental health 13:03 | The connection between psychological and spiritual suffering 16:09 | Religious disaffiliation and mental illness 17:47 | Who is St. Dymphna? 18:40 | A word for those wrestling with poor mental health 20:55 | Listener question 24:17 | New book—“Christ Brings All Newness” Links Bishop Barron's statement on surrogacy Christ Brings All Newness: Essays, Reviews, and Reflections by Fr. Robert Imbelli NOTE: Do you like this podcast? Become a patron and get some great perks for helping, like free books, bonus content, and more. Word on Fire is a non-profit ministry that depends on the support of our listeners…like you! So be part of this mission, and join us today!
Rice grads end up all over the world, and Dymphna van der Lans is no exception. Dymphna has worked and lived in China, India, and Kenya and engaged with island nations in the Caribbean and the Indian and Pacific Oceans to support their transition away from polluting diesel fuels to renewable sources of energy. Dymphna brings more than 25 years of experience managing and leading global development, energy, and climate initiatives in the nonprofit and private sectors. She is currently the chief executive officer of the Clean Cooking Alliance, and recently led international corporate engagement with the World Wildlife Fund's Climate & Energy team.She sits down with host Scott Gale '19 to unpack her impressive career, her experience working internationally, developing an early appreciation for the Chinese language and culture, and her passion for the energy transition and climate initiatives.Episode Guide:00:56 Dymphna's Early Life and Education04:55 Dymphna's Journey to China14:24 Career Path and Mentorship16:38 Focus on Renewables and Alternative Energy18:42 Dymphna's Role in the Clinton Climate Initiative20:24 Journey to Working with a Former U.S. President20:49 The Future of Energy: Opportunities and Challenges20:49 The Importance of Diverse Energy Solutions22:01 The Role of Renewable Energy in Corporate Operations23:28 Addressing Energy Challenges in Island Nations25:08 The Mission of the Clean Cooking Alliance27:53 The Future of Clean Cooking and Energy Systems29:31 Predictions for China's Role in Global Energy31:12 Advice for Prospective Rice Business StudentsOwl Have You Know is a production of Rice Business and is produced by University FM.Episode Quotes:26:01: My organization [Clean Cooking Alliance], we're about 50 people. We work with a whole bunch of different partners to make sure that countries in the Global South are thinking about how they're transitioning to access to clean cooking. We're already providing these solutions to help them continue to grow. We work with the governments directly. We work with, sort of, adjacent ecosystems to help them think about what it means to have access to clean cooking and how you think about clean cooking projects. It's fantastic work. It gets ignored all too often because for people, it doesn't feel like an energy issue. It's a household issue. It mostly impacts women. So, it often gets overlooked. And my job is to make sure it doesn't and it gets funding.On being comfortable with different cultures and working in different countries10:02: I've just realized that I enjoy figuring stuff out and finding myself in new places, just like trying to really quickly understand how the system works, how people work, and how I operate most effectively and efficiently in a different context that is not my own. And I'm very comfortable doing that.Finding power in peer mentoring conversations15:43: I found the real true power and honesty to be in those peer mentoring conversations. And when you do those, be explicit about it; this is not just like a friend or friends talking about something over a coffee. It is actually a fundamental question that you're wanting other people to filter back to you or mirror back to you that maybe hindering you in your projection or your ability to execute or balancing your life as a mother has always been a big question for me as well. And for a long time, I was raising my daughter by myself. So those conversations are so important. And I would encourage anybody to seek those out and be really thoughtful about them, ask good questions, and really listen and reflect back on what that means for you and in a position of leadership.On Dymphna's Rice experience13:24: There's a thing about trusting your instincts and your gut, and my ability to sense what's happening in a room and in the system. Like I had the language to apply that to different situations that I didn't have before. I always had the feeling that I was understanding it, but I never had the language to actually articulate what I was seeing or even articulate a vision for how to work through things.Show Links: TranscriptGuest Profile:Dymphna van der Lans - UN Foundation//Chief Executive Officer Clean Cooking Alliance Dymphna van der Lans | unfoundation.org
In this episode, I talk with podcast host, Kate Eschbach, about her journey into the Catholic Church and how her life was forever changed when she literally tripped over a saint. A very pregnant Kate tripped over a prayer card of St. Dymphna as she walked into her bedroom. They prayer card written in Spanish appeared out of now where and led Kate on a beautiful journey to learn more about St. Dymphna, who is the patron saint of mental illness. Connecting with St. Dymphna encouraged and inspired Kate as she encountered challenges in her family life. In her podcast, Kate talks with others who have had profound encounters with saints and how those saints have inspired and equipped them for life's various trials and situations. Click here to listen to Kate's podcast, Tripping Over Saints. Click here to listen to my interview on Kate's podcast where I share my love of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. Jennie is a Catholic speaker, Life Coach, Podcaster, Weekly Radio Show Host on Nashville Catholic Radio and Radio Maria USA, and founder of Catholic Moms in the Middle. After 26 years of working in Catholic education, Jennie felt God calling her "to step out of the boat" to serve in a new way. In her new ministry as a Catholic Life Coach, she now equips and encourages middle-life moms to reconnect with who they are and their unique God-given purpose so they can MAGNIFY Christ in their corner of the world.
Bible Study: (2:44) Rom 6:19-23 What is God like? Father gives more dispatches from the Diocese of St. Dymphna in Northern Vermont Letters: (30:50) - Priest who is not in a state of grace? (34:24) - Estate planning on mass Word of the Day: Gift of God (38:22) Callers: (39:32) - 'Let us call to mind our sins', but priest says shortcomings. Is that OK? (42:23) - On how people complain about the mass, our son is a priest in Western Minnesota, and he has to travel 88 miles every Sunday and he has no Saturday night mass period. (46:17) - God's covenant with Israel (50:23) - Is it okay to be best man/maid of honor at non-Catholic wedding?
We read the stories of St. Agnes, St. Lawrence, St. Dymphna, St. Boniface, Sts.Cyril, Methodius, and St. Clare. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/miss-retro-reads/support
Dymphna Boholt is quite an amazing woman. Founder of the “I love realestate” community, she runs real estate education courses for up-coming investors. She also owns a few of her own real estate businesses that she manages on the side. However she wasn't always on top of the world as she is now. Join us as we follow Dymphna on her life journey as she describes the highest and lowest points in her life that shaped her into who she is today. She explains how she went from being a single mum who lost everything in a messy divorce, to completely replacing her 60 hour work week income with a passive real estate salary instead. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Dymphna Boholt is quite an amazing woman. Founder of the “I love realestate” community, she runs real estate education courses for up-coming investors. She also owns a few of her own real estate businesses that she manages on the side. However she wasn't always on top of the world as she is now. Join us as we follow Dymphna on her life journey as she describes the highest and lowest points in her life that shaped her into who she is today. She explains how she went from being a single mum who lost everything in a messy divorce, to completely replacing her 60 hour work week income with a passive real estate salary instead. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Published: September 10, 2021 Join Jim Friend as we celebrate the 100th Episode of Advancing Our Church with his special guest, Fr. Benjamin Roberts, author of the new book on homiletics, The Voice of the Bridegroom. Fr. Roberts discusses his story of conversion, the artistic renovations made to his parish at Our Lady of Lourdes, Monroe, NC, his new book, and his devotion to St. Dymphna. Fr. Roberts shares his own personal journey on how the priest's spousal relationship with a parish can create connectivity that impacts a priest's homily and his ministry.Fr. Benjamin Roberts is a priest of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Charlotte, pastor of Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church in Monroe, NC, holds a doctorate in preaching from the Aquinas Institute of Theology in St. Louis, he serves as an Adjunct Professor of Theology for Saint Joseph's College of Maine and the author of the new book, The Voice of the Bridegroom. You can find Fr. Roberts on Twitter @Fr_benjamin; watch the interview we discussed on the Catholic TV Network, where he shares the artistic renovations to his parish, or watch his interview on Good Catholic, where he discusses his devotion to St. Dymphna, the patron saint of anxiety, depression, Alzheimer's, and every other mental illness. The Book: The Voice of the Bridegroom Preaching is a relational act. This book explores the relationship between the preacher and the assembly as a spousal relationship. Written by a parish pastor with a doctorate in preaching and rooted in the Roman Catholic notion of the priest as the bridegroom of the church, this work examines characteristics of the spousal relationship between husband and wife and then provides an analysis of the ministerial priesthood through this nuptial lens. This nuptial reflection on the ministerial priesthood is then applied to preaching. This book presents a nuptial hermeneutic or vision for preaching and the implications of this vision for the assembly, the preacher, the homily, and the homiletical method. The appendices include a one-page strategy for preaching summarizing the homiletical method, a rubric for homily evaluation by members of the assembly, and two sample homilies. Buy it on Amazon. Watch the video presentation of this discussion https://youtu.be/Cgmullk7G6c Recorded September 8, 2021 Don't miss Changing Our World's FORGING FORWARDDon't miss the webinar series FORGING FORWARD, a virtual philanthropic conference designed to bring you nonprofit experts from around the country who are leading through the COVID-19 crisis. Daily Spiritual Reflection and Prayers on “Kristin's Crosses” Join Jim and Kristin Friend and their family on Kristin's Crosses YouTube Channel for “Today's Catholic Prayers.” Jim and Kristin offer the daily Gospel and Reflection along with the Rosary and Catholic Prayers of the day. Click here to visit the YouTube Page and subscribe. If you would like to join the Kristin's Crosses prayer group on Facebook, click here to request to join.
Do you wanna party, Theophiloi? I sure hope so, because the Multipals series continues with another of our rowdy friends: Anne Thériault (from Ontario), who joins us to talk about her work writing about St. Dymphna and the podcast And Also Some Women, focusing on the women of the Bible. Sadly, I don't believe we get around to talking about a certain saint who called down lightning and completely wrecked some blood-thirsty seals, but to be fair, you already have a podcast for that. She also talks about her favorite episodes of this show, because look, we all need to be cheered up these days and I'm no exception. Topics of Discussion: Bilingual wordplay, going full youth pastor, French Canadian cursing that won't violate our Clean tag, go transubstantiate yourself, the bagel culture war, a bad history thing, the fruit circle of Hell. the Lady Saint Hydra, Hugh Grant's secret name, The boarders of Geel, the greater part of a skeleton, just saying -isms, most is excellent, Composite Mary-Man. Hymnal: "All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight" by Bocephus. Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown. Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246 Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17
Santa Dymphna, virgen y mártir del siglo VII. Hija de un rey pagano y una madre cristiana fue educada por ella en la fe. Al quedarse huérfana, siendo adolescente, decide consagrarse a Nuestro Señor Jesucristo; su padre, presa de la locura por la muerte de su esposa, persigue a su hija tratando de forzarla a casarse con él. Santa Dymphna honra su promesa aceptando el martirio de manos de su padre. Es invocada como intercesora de quienes padecen enfermedades mentales, psicólogos y psiquiatras.
The Cale Clarke Show - Today's issues from a Catholic perspective.
Guest host Brooke Taylor is joined by her guest Mary Randles from the National Shrine of St. Dymphna to talk about the healing intercession of this great saint. Brother Richard Hendrick OFM Capuchin to discuss his new book – Still Points: Living a Mindful Meditative Way. https://www.amazon.com/Still-Points-Living-Mindful-Meditative/dp/1399700669
Welcome to The Saint of the Day Podcast, a service of Good Catholic and The Catholic Company. Today's featured saint is St. Dymphna. If you like what you heard, share this podcast with someone you know, and make sure to subscribe!
Film Reviews - St Dymphna at the National Gallery of Ireland - Sultans of Ping Radio Documentary
Another life update / Mental health, and our different experiences / Vulnerability with God and each other / Being loved in our weakness / Self-mastery for human and spiritual flourishing---Here are some mental health resources we and others have found helpful:Books-St. Dymphna's Playbook: https://www.avemariapress.com/products/st-dymphnas-playbook-A Catholic Guide to Depression: https://www.amazon.com/Catholic-Guide-Depression-Aaron-Kheriaty/dp/1933184760Websites-self-compassion.org-the calm breathing bubble: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5DqTuWve9t8-https://www.crisistextline.org-https://www.catholichotline.org-psychologytoday.com-"How To ADHD" on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHDApps-Calm-HeadspacePhone numbers-988 crisis line Organizations-Local Catholic charities in your area -NAMI: https://nami.org/Home-RAINN: https://www.rainn.org
You do not end up in the Catholic Church by accident. Even for the cradle Catholic who strays, a full return cannot happen without a deep search. For most people that convert or revert, it's a long story. It's a battle. The truth is: we resist the Church. We struggle with it. But many end up in the Catholic Church because they wrestled with faith and reason for a long time before having the moment that they understood why Jesus started this Church. They suddenly stop hating the Pope, as they were often instructed to do, and submit to that authority. We dislike authority. That is our nature. That is the story in the Garden. It is often the story of our lives. Coming to love God and his Church means letting go of our preconceived notions and cultural teachings about power. The idea of being required to go to Confession and attend Mass weekly (because skipping Mass is a mortal sin) seems ridiculous to non-Catholics, but the reason for it is solid. This is a pattern for living. Further, partaking in the Sacraments does what they actually claim they do. They make the invisible visible. This is a mystery, but a glorious mystery if you can move from doubt into assent. Not everyone can do this. For some it seems to come naturally. For some it takes years. For some, they can never fully give up the love of self, or take the leap of faith and “know” that the Eucharist is indeed the body and blood of the risen Jesus. God bestows this gift of faith on those he chooses and who cooperate with his grace. All are offered grace but many simply refuse to cooperate. We are all given time and multiple opportunities to react to this offering, to reject it or surrender to it. This is a centerpiece of our free-will, this choice to cooperate or refuse God's grace. So for anyone that seems to lack access to that grace, or rejects it, it is our duty to pray for them, and a good practice is to do a 9-day or a 54-day Rosary novena for your most beloved unbelieving friend. It will probably just irritate them, so you don't even have to tell them. But praying for others is important. Prayers matter. They work. I have watched people change through prayer that goes beyond explanation. Thousands of hours of therapy fail, and suddenly a healthy prayer life heals. Yes, it's bizarre. Oddly enough, knowing God is like knowing any other person. The infinite and unexplainable Creator must be known just like your next door neighbor: through conversation, visits, shared experience, the journey of life, and shared meals. It's very important he be invited to meals, and that is what the Eucharist at Catholic Mass is: a thanksgiving meal where God and his family come together. We get to have thanksgiving every week, or even every day if you live somewhere that daily Mass is offered. Through the years, a relationship develops, but only if you develop it. No relationship in the history of mankind has flourished by two people ignoring one another. No relationship can be made with mere thoughts either, because we are both body and soul. Hence, Sacraments. Hence, the spiritual and corporate works of mercy. Hence, prayer. Prayer is essential and it works, just as conversations and phone calls and get-togethers work with real people. Action, also, is essential, as faith without works is dead. Catholicism is a “get off the couch” religion, if you're doing it correctly. This relationship with God: it cannot be explained fully. It is a mystery. Like the Trinity, we can never really understand it. And rather than frustrate us with uncertainty, it is a great letting go of the need to control, of the ego, of the self. While this drives modern people crazy, resting in that mystery can “unmodern” your misshapen plastic brain all by itself. This requires the step where you go into the unknown, the uncertain, the un-Google. Call is mysticism if you like. Whatever it is, it's better than that THC or Fentanyl everyone get so excited about. Kneeling and asking for the willingness to be willing can change everything. It's also free, and still legal. Even simply saying, “God, please help me. Give me strength and direction today,” has altered people's entire lives. That was the first prayer I said on my road back to building the relationship with God. And I hope and pray that you, reader, will ask, seek, and knock on that door to find out. Because it will change your life beyond any drug or experience that this world can give you. What you “know” today may change into a new kind of “knowing,” especially if you have been ignoring the one relationship that can restore you to health and make you whole. In short, I was disenchanted from all things supernatural like the priest-hunter in the Graham Greene novel. If there wasn't a rational explanation for something, then I decided it was absurd. Praying for people? My response to that was: Sending money for therapy would be better, since prayer is just talking to an imaginary friend. Belief in Angels? Give me a break. Devils? Sure, if they were just people with pitchforks dressed up in Halloween costumes. Re-enchantment doesn't mean jumping into the deep end of the pool and booking a vacation to where a Marian apparition occurred. It all starts with one prayer, a simple reach, to a power outside of yourself. You may even begin with a generic “spirit of the universe” and later get to God himself, the Creator, to Jesus, the Word, and the the Holy Spirit, the breath of life. I had to jumpstart my dead heart with the idea of an absurd “Streetlight God.” Hopefully most people don't have to go that far downward, but it does work. If you can, just pick one person of the Holy Trinity to start with. But try all three. Some people connect with one element of the Trinity better than others. You've tried every flavor of ice cream, what have you go to lose? You've probably gone through the kama sutra trying sexual positions, but that didn't satisfy you any more than eating Snickers bars “satisfies,” as the advertisements claim. This time, and in the future, try a new position called “kneeling.” That is, kneeling before God. It does wonders. Surely on a sleepless night you can take five minutes to start a new relationship that isn't centered around your phone. You are not a moth, so you stop acting like one. Stop buzzing around bright lights and screens, as if that's all you were made to do. If you are like most people today, you are mesmerized by the dancing light of a screen. After all, entertainment is not your end goal. It is a distraction from your fears: of death, rejection, abandonment, and shame. All of those fears come from a lack of relationship with God. You'll sleep better once you start dialing up God in the middle of the night, because he's always there and doesn't need sleep. The thing is, once the relationship begins, you learn that you are never alone, or rejected, or abandoned. You have a perfect family that you've been neglecting. Sure, your earthly family has flaws, or isn't perfect, or makes mistakes. That's because they are compromised humans. They are compromised, but not broken. All of us were ejected from the Garden for our own good, so that we would not remain in a permanently fallen state. The family that you have here is the earthly family that has been given to you to love. That is the trial and test, of course, and as soon as you start seeing those people as redeemable, compromised creatures that God loves, they look different. But even if those people are not around, you are never alone, and here's why… You are never alone because God is always present and available. If he does not feel present to you, then he is letting you walk, just as a toddler who is learning is allowed to fall. He wants you to walk and carry the cross, but he has not abandoned you, ever, just as a loving parent doesn't let their toddler destroy herself. The parent will pick her up when the time is right. God is doing that in your life, in different ways. If your earthly father is controlling, you may have a problem with the idea of a heavenly father. Thus, kneeling may seem too much to give up, since submission makes your blood boil. But the father in heaven isn't like your earthly father. He doesn't coerce. He doesn't force. He invites you. If your earthly father was a “deadbeat dad” who abandoned you, you may not like the idea of forgiving a father. But again, this father has never and will never abandon you. Only you can abandon this father. The father that we all want is this kind. He is the father who runs out to meet the Prodigal Son. He is the father that weeps when his children disobey but allows them chance after chance to come back. He is the father that never leaves you but also won't coddle you, because he wants you to grow. Don't confuse your earthly father with the Father in heaven. So you have a loving father, but you also have a brother. If you are baptized and believe, or if you ask for belief, you have a brother in Jesus. He will pray with you. He will be beside you in prayer if you ask. Like the St. Patrick prayer, he will be in you, around, above you, below you. Further yet, you can “put on the mind of Christ” and let his thoughts become yours, and if that seems impossible, open the Gospel and see his words and life, or do Lectio Divina in the Hallow app if you don't like to read. So now you have a loving father and a loving brother (also your savior), both who are perfect, who can help you fight the spiritual fight. They will show you how to live. One will father you and one will guide you. You have navigation from headquarters and boots on the ground to walk with you. There is more. What family is complete without a mother? The beauty of Catholic complementarity is that we don't have to pretend men and women are the same. Sometimes we need a mother, and sometimes we need a father, but we need both. We are whole when we have a relationship with both. We know that men and women are not the same, despite what the modern media tells us. Sanity is sometimes as simple as stating the obvious. The genius of femininity is that it is not male. It is something different and wonderful. The Blessed Mother, Mary, is your mother. You have a perfect mother and she will pray with you, any time, any where. And her prayers go straight to the top, as no one intercedes ahead of Mary. From the cross, Jesus looked down and said to Mary, “There is your son,” referring to the Apostle John. To John, he said, “There is your mother.” The Church has always held that Jesus, right then and there, from the Cross invited all faithful into the holy family. If we are brothers with Christ, then God is our father, and Mary is our mother. There is more. There is another earthly step-father for you other than your biological one, and his name is Joseph. His moniker is the “Terror of Demons” because of how he protected Mary and Jesus, taking action when the dreams and warnings appeared. People often consecrate themselves to Mary and/or Joseph. Why? Because they love their family and want to grow closer to them. “What does it mean for a person to be consecrated to St. Joseph? Well, it basically means that you acknowledge that he is your spiritual father, and you want to be like him. Total consecration to St. Joseph means you make a formal act of filial entrustment to your spiritual father so that he can take care of your spiritual well-being and lead you to God. The person who consecrates himself to St. Joseph wants to be as close to their spiritual father as possible, to the point of resembling him in virtue and holiness. Saint Joseph, in turn, will give those consecrated to him his undivided attention, protection, and guidance.” (from the Consecration to St. Joseph)And lastly, the saints. We have the saints, a larger family, who can intercede and pray with us. I ask for St. Peter and St. Anthony of Egypt to pray with me, as well as St. Dymphna and St. Mary Magdalene. It's a co-ed team of prayer, every day. And there are thousands of saints to ask for intercession, and even Rafael and Gabriel, the angels that we have come to know through Sacred Scripture. When navigating this world, sometimes you need a father to guide to, sometimes you need a mother to help you, and sometimes you need your brother to fight off a dragon. And still, sometimes, you need just to be still with the Holy Spirit - that unexplainable breath of life. The simple prayer of “Come, Holy Spirit,” opens us up to God's grace. No matter what you need, you need to be open to your heavenly family, because that is your perfect family, your family without wounds, without identity lies. Knowing and building a relationship with that family will help you grow in relationship with your earthly family. You are never alone. When I heard someone say that in the past, I assumed they were schizo, but today I know exactly what they mean. Having been re-enchanted, the invisible spiritual world is now as real and palpable as that rock in my shoe. If you come to believe in Jesus, then you come to know, and one thing that comes along with it is the awareness of your own sin, but rather than being a horrible thing, it can be a liberating thing. You can't get found unless you were once lost. It's an entirely new kind of freedom, but not a freedom to do what you want, but a freedom to follow God, as best as you can. And you want to do it. It's not forced! Never forced. That is one of the miraculously weird things that happens once you know you are a sinner and come to love and know God. Sooner or later, you come to know that angels and demons are also as real as that rock in the shoe. Once that happened, I began to see why and how the world and individual people behave as they do. The faith of an atheist doesn't allow for miracles, or spiritual lives, or souls, or partaking of the divine nature. The faith of an atheist really offers only half of life. It offers nothing that I want to take back, because I have discarded my anti-depressants, I haven't drank in almost seven years, I have zero desire to scroll porn (because people have souls and are not objects), I pray for my enemies and enemies of the Church. Daily, I meet with whole people of faith that astonish me in their own miraculous underdog comebacks. I start and end my day with prayer and gratitude to God. What more could I possibly want? (If you're an atheist, you scoffed there, and that's ok. If you're a Protestant, I probably lost you back at my “faith alone” rant. To both - I'm sorry, but this is my blog site, and this is my body and soul story. There are many things I admire about Protestants, but I believe that Christ's Body in the world is the Catholic Church.)The strangeness of it all is this: it all fits together. All of it. Somehow, someway. The bizarre storytelling and miracles and parables and Marian dogmas and relics and Sacraments - they all bake into something perfect and unendingly satisfying - a bread that never stops feeding you. That is, I believe, what Jesus meant when he said, “I am the bread of life.” Hence, the Eucharist at Mass is food for the body and the soul. It is food for the faithful. It is a meal with God himself. The tie that binds is Jesus. “Love God. Love others. Let's all get together and eat my body. Do this in memory of me.” I recall reciting the Nicene Creed as a teenager and skipping certain elements, mostly the ones that required supernatural belief, which means a large portion of it. As the years went on, when I had to attend a funeral or wedding, I started to notice that certain elements had become less difficult to accept, as a rudderless life had tossed me about so much that I reached a state of openness. Through the use of alcohol, I had moored my ship on many rocks, on islands of ideologies and empty pursuits. Of course, this process of getting to shore meant getting both the rudder and the sail working together, not against one another. Switching metaphors, I'll move over to Chesterton's “lock and key” example. For me, it was not that one single grand moment made all the difference, but many small moments that carved away untruths and honed edges down. I could not open the door using the key I had, because the key just hadn't been fully prepared yet. At first the key was just a cylinder that did not fit the keyhole at all. But over twenty years, with many books and life experience, the grinding of the search shaped the key, until one day I tried the key again, and I felt the thunk of the lock as it sunk into the center. A stick might fit a hole or a stone a hollow by accident. But a key and a lock are both complex. And if a key fits a lock, you know it is the right key. (From Chesterton's Orthodoxy)Perhaps you know the feeling. When the key fits, you think it's the right key, but if haven't yet turned the deadbolt, you're still not certain. I'd had that feeling before, but the key wouldn't turn. A key seemed to have the fit, yet I still couldn't open the door. With modern versions of stoicism and epicureanism and humanism, I felt I'd had the key before, but none of those could turn the bolt. But then this time, when I twisted, the bolt moved. Then I had to decide, did I really want to open the door? Because I knew that opening the door meant the change of everything in my entire life. This is what Catholics call “cooperating with grace.” Even if the key has been given, and the door unlocked, each of us must still choose to open that door. The mystery of why God gives us trials and temptations in life is clear to me now: they key that we need to unlock the door needs to be shaped, and God shapes the key using these struggles. Of course, I had to open the door. After all, I'd spent a long time looking for that key and having it shaped. So what other choice did I have? How could I go back to the prior attempts that left me locked out? None of them had made me happy. If you have been given the key, you may think there is no choice but to use, but God does not coerce or force us to do anything. He wants us to open the door voluntarily, but he doesn't fling it open for us. He just gives us the key. And then opening the door, the treasure is there, the one that makes sense of all the struggle and searching. This is the key we are all looking for. If you haven't gotten the key fully shaped yet, you still might, given more time and experience. But you have to come back to the door now and then to test the key, because that is the game that God is playing with us. He's doing something in your life, but you may not understand it until much later.So that is my take on coming to faith. As Jesus said, we are only drawn to God if God draws us. This is confusing, but if you feel drawn, you should set down your busy life and try the key again. Free will is a powerful thing, because God beckons us but we have to take action. If the beckoning happens, then you are likely being called. If you ignore the beckoning, you may miss the opportunity. “No one can come to me unless drawn by the Father who sent me; and I will raise that person up on the last day.” (John 6:44)Now, most people today have a real beef with the Catholic Church, so let me take some time to comment on that. Everyone seems to have this in common, especially Catholics themselves. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.whydidpetersink.com
Summary In this episode, Dr. Peter reviews the limitations of current Catholic resources on anger, and then reviews secular resources, including interpersonal neurobiology and the structural theory of dissociation. We examine the role of the body in anger responses, and discuss more wholistic ways of working constructive with parts that experience anger, rather than trying to dismiss anger, suppress it or distract from it. Lead-in William Blake, A Poison Tree: I was angry with my friends; I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe: I told it not, my wrath did grow. We've all experienced anger and we've all experienced angry people We know it's a problem. And global data suggest that it's getting worse. Gallup world poll from 2021: 140 countries Did you experience the following feelings during a lot of the day yesterday? How about anger? 17% of US respondents agreed 26% of women worldwide up from 20% from 10 years ago 20% of men -- flat from 10 years ago. Harm can come from anger Mark Twain “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” CCC 2302 By recalling the commandment, "You shall not kill," our Lord asked for peace of heart and denounced murderous anger and hatred as immoral. Anger is a desire for revenge. "To desire vengeance in order to do evil to someone who should be punished is illicit," but it is praiseworthy to impose restitution "to correct vices and maintain justice." If anger reaches the point of a deliberate desire to kill or seriously wound a neighbor, it is gravely against charity; it is a mortal sin. The Lord says, "Everyone who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment." "Everyone who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment." And who hasn't been angry -- including Jesus himself?. We have got to unpack this There is so much misunderstanding about anger in the Catholic world, so much of the way that Catholics have approached anger has been limited, misinformed, and misguided When I think about why the Catholic Church in the US, in Canada, in Europe and Australia, in the entire Western World, there are many factors. Brandon Vogt New Stats on Why Young People Leave the Church based on his book Return: How to Draw Your Child Back to the Church One critical factor is that cradle Catholics, especially young Catholics do not believe that the Church can help them with their problems. Diocese of Springfield Exit Surveys (2014) 68% – Spiritual needs not met67% – Lost interest over time Only 7% of Millennials raised Catholic still actively practice their faith today (weekly Mass, pray a few times each week, say their faith is “extremely” or “very” important) 6.5 people leave the Catholic Church for every one that joins 66% of “nones” agree that “religion causes more problems than it solves” That's why so many fall away from the Faith. The Church doesn't seem relevant to them because she doesn't seem like she has the answers to the real issues they face. 10% of American adults are former Catholics Nearly half of those who fall away from the Church become "nones" And another quarter become Evangelical Christians. 79% of former Catholics leave the Church before age 23. 50% of Millennials raised Catholic no longer identify as Catholic today And it's about topics like anger -- we are not doing a good job meeting the needs that Catholics have today, human formation needs. Intro I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, a.k.a. Dr. Peter, clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, podcaster, blogger, cofounder and president of Souls and Hearts -- but most of all I am a beloved little son of God, a passionate Catholic who wants to help you to taste and see the height and depth and breadth and warmth and the light of the love of God, especially God the Father and Mary our Mother, our spiritual parents, our primary parents. To really absorb your identity as a little child of God and Mary. I want you to enter much more deeply into an intimate, personal, loving relationship with the three Persons of the Trinity and with our Lady. That is what this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast is all about, that is what Souls and Hearts is all about – all about shoring up the natural foundation for the spiritual life of intimacy with God, all about overcoming the natural human formation deficits and obstacles to contemplative union with God our Father and our Lady, our Mother We are on an adventure of love together. And one thing, one major, big, huge thing that gets in the way of being loved by God and Mary and loving in return is anger. Anger. This is Episode 103 of Interior Integration for Catholics. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach, check us out at soulsandhearts.com. Anger: one of the seven deadly sins, one the lethal vices that can kill your soul. Anger. So much confusion about anger. The Burden of Anger: June 10, 2021 Catholic-daily-reflections.com The first level of sin is simply to be “angry” interiorly. The sin of anger is an interior attitude of disgust toward another. Jesus says that the consequence of having anger toward another is that you will be “liable to judgment.” Humility. I could be wrong. The offerings from Five Catholic writers on anger are a case in point. The most popular book Fr. T.G. Morrow, Overcoming Sinful Anger 303 Amazon Review, mostly positive, #16 on the list of bestsellers in Catholic Theology, put out by Sophia Press in 2015 And it's not very good. I can't recommend it. First off, Fr. Morrow admits that he doesn't understand why people get angry We've all encountered people who explode when they feel angry. It baffles me how often the sort of anger rears its ugly head in marriages – even in allegedly Christian marriages. (p. 9). I am often surprised to discover Christians who pray ardently, receive the sacraments regularly, we've and attend Mass daily, and yet have an anger problem. (p. 10) Presumes a homogeneous, single personality. Easy to explain with part. Why do people explode in anger? There are many reasons, but I think the top three are power and control, a refusal to take responsibility, and habit. (p. 13). Very simplistic view of psychology, and no consideration of neurology, traumatology, Confusion about the causal chain in anger. Where anger fits in a sequence of events Little genuine interest in anger. Anger is something to essentially get rid of. Not much consideration of the unconscious and unconscious anger. Acknowledges that suppressing anger is problematic, but there still is an assumption that if I'm not feeling anger, it's not there. Disconnect. "Irrational anger" Very focused on the will and will training -- naïve assumptions about sympathetic arousal. Nike Spirituality -- Just do it. Romans 7:15: I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Spiritual Bypassing Definitions John Welwood: American clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, teacher, and author, known for integrating psychological and spiritual concepts Using “spiritual ideas, words and practices to sidestep or avoid personal, emotional ‘unfinished business,' to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, psychological wounds and developmental tasks.” Blogger Rose Hahn: Spiritual Bypassing: What It Is & How To Avoid It Bypassing occurs when spiritual ideals get elevated to the realm of absolute truth in such a way that our real, lived experience is somehow denied. Rather than doing the work of healing deep wounds, we may use these ideals to deny, devalue, or avoid meeting our more human needs – such as emotional bonding, love, and esteem. In other words, rather than risk opening ourselves to real human connection, and possibly get hurt, we adopt a more enlightened, spiritual way of relating to the world that doesn't rely on human relationship. Not a lot from a specifically Catholic perspective, but this is from Katharina, who styles herself "The Bohemian Catholic" We are supposed to uplift each other, and treat each other with love and respect - like icons of Christ, as God's creation… BUT if you find yourself trying to tell someone that their faith should keep them "happy" all the time, then you aren't helping them. Using spiritual words, spiritual means, spiritual concepts -- all to whitewash or put a Band-Aid on significant psychological or emotional problems in the natural realm Bypassing the natural realm and going to the spiritual realm. Essentially saying -- You should not feel this way. Which is what Fr. Morrow is saying. He promises to "I will offer some ideas, which I consider quite novel, on how to avoid angry explosions." (p.4) Tips So, as a first step in overcoming passive-aggressive anger keep reminding yourself that you want to be a Christian, and therefore you can't take revenge anymore. (p. 9). First, take the time to calm down and figure out why you're angry…. One of the tactics often recommended is to count to ten before deciding what to do. (p. 20). Better still, say a short prayer before acting. The next step is to ask yourself if your angry feeling is been caused by something significant. Most angry fights in marriage are caused by trifling things. (p. 20). Or perhaps use humor to make your point.(p. 20). Offering your angry feeling as a sacrifice is not suppressing it but doing something with it. It is making a bad situation into a beneficial one. That is what it means to embrace the cross. (p. 23-24). If we can forgive others, we can pull the rug out from beneath our anger most of the time. Unforgiveness is the main culprit behind anger. (p. 25). … Refocus your thoughts away from the things that made you angry to some very positive thoughts. For example, thank God for the beautiful weather for the ability to read or buy things you need. (p. 30). I often encourage people with an anger problem to daily for humility. It works. (p. 36). Chapter 7: Thanking God, praising God Consider your future. One key way to change her behaviors to work on in your mind just what your life will be like if you don't change your angry behavior. (pp. 72-73) If you struggle with an anger problem write on an index card all the negatives of continuing your anger and read that list several times a day. (p. 74). Fr. Joseph Esper, Saintly Solutions to Life's Common Problems 99 reviews on amazon. #138 in Roman Catholicism. 2001 Book -- First Chapter is on anger. St. Thomas of Villanova: "Dismiss all anger and look into yourself a little." (p. 7) "St. Francis de Sales advises that, to avoid the sin of anger, you must quickly ask God to give peace to your heart when you're angered and then turn your thoughts to something else. Don't discuss the matter at hand or make decisions or correct other person while you're angry. When a person angers you, St. Francis advises, consider the person's good qualities rather than the words or actions you find objectionable." (p. 7) When we have to speak to someone with whom we are angry, we should first pray for the Lord's guidance and help. It's often more effective to speak in terms of asking favors, rather than making demands or giving orders…" (p. 5-6) ...rehearse possible responses and evaluate which ones which might help you. (p. 7) Tommy Tighe St. Dymphna's Playbook: A Catholic Guide to Finding Mental and Emotional Well-Being 2021 book, #57 in Christian Pastoral Counseling, 66 reviews, mostly positive. Doesn't discuss anger. Discusses irritability as a symptom of depression and resentment as a problem in relationships "However, the more I have experienced depression in my own life and in my work as a clinician, the more I have seen the symptoms of irritability and anger is predominant features of depression." (p. 13). That's one way, not the only way. So often depression results from Recommendations "…go for a walk, take some time to meditate, watch or read something that lightens our mood. (p. 13) "Keeping a diary of our emotions and reactions to those emotions is a great place to start… Look back on a situation, slow it down, and examine what exactly happened….We might ask ourselves: What is it that has led to my irritability? Is it because I'm depressed and trying to stuff that feeling down rather than address it? What am I thinking in that situation? (p. 15). "We draw this all out on paper, examine what was really behind our emotional response, and then explore ways of thinking that will restructure our reactions and response. And we write these down! Simply thinking about these things isn't going to help. The whole point is to get them out of our head and onto paper so that we can work them out. Consider it an emotional "show your work" kind of exercise." (p. 15). Then, after a really brief introspective process, we can catch that the real reason for our irritability is our depressed mood, and we can interject coping skills for depression to stave off our irritability. (p. 16). Changing the focus of our thinking is key when we try to battle against depression and irritability that inevitably rears its ugly head. You've probably heard people suggest keeping a gratitude list to help you feel more positive, much along the same lines as St. Paul's advice. It works. (p. 18). Steps in the process Visualize yourself from the perspective of compassionate observer. Notice from the outside whole feelings xare upsetting you and how they are reflected in your appearance. Try to let the warm feeling of compassion and desire to help arise within you. Say to yourself: "It is understandable that you feel that way. You are experiencing a natural response to depressing thoughts. But I'm going to help you." Visualize putting your hand on your shoulder or hugging yourself to soothe and comfort yourself. Give yourself a friendly smile. Think about if there are other things you want to tell yourself that would energize and encourage you to cheer up. Taking time to say those things. When you feel it is appropriate, begin saying goodbye to yourself and remind yourself that you come back anytime you want. (p. 16-17). For resentment: Active listening Tommy Tighe: to fend off resentment, we have to communicate with things are important to us and why. We can't expect our partner to read her mind. We have to tell them the things we value, what things we have grown to expect in relationships because of our past experiences and we have to tell them why. (p 113) Rhonda Chevrin Taming the Lion Within: 5 Steps from Anger to Peace 2017 16 ratings is a Catholic author, international speaker and Professor of Philosophy. She is the author of over 60 books concerning the matters of Catholic thought, practice and spirituality, Take a secure thought -- use your imagination to think of ways out of annoying or enraging situations Avoid exceptionality. Accept the averageMove your musclesHumor is your best friendF.I.S.T. Feelings, Impulses, Sensations, Thoughts: What it signifies is that we can control our immediate impulses and sensations when hurt or frustrated, but if we control our thoughts we can control her impulses.Put your mental health firstPeace over power: Many times you can't win, and it doesn't matter if you lose. It's not worth the effort to put up a fight. They are not doing it to you; they're just doing it! – Much is not done on purposeNot a 911 Not everything is an emergency,.Be Group minded Anger at GodForgiveness Fr. Spitzer Angry with God? Here's Fr. Spitzer's Advice on How to Overcome Anger God understands your anger. Don't dwell on it. Don't go there. Choose instead to: Three step process in the YouTube clip Angry with God: Stop comparing to the way you once were. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop having expectations for your suffering. Offer it up. Stop the questioning. Saints' behaviors Meg Hunter-Kilmer - published on 09/28/17Aleteia September 28, 2017, What We Probably Don't Know about St. Jerome Is Just What We Need to Know St. Jerome was known to carry around a stone that he would hit himself with every time he lost his temper. If these are helpful to you, great. I don't want to put up roadblocks. Might be helpful to many people. As a Catholic psychologist, I am not comfortable recommending any of these Catholic sources Very simplistic view of psychology, and no consideration of neurology, traumatology, Confusion about the causal chain in anger. Where anger fits in a sequence of events Little genuine interest in anger. Anger is something to essentially get rid of. Very focused on the will and will training -- naïve assumptions about sympathetic arousal. And they don't get that anger has a protective function -- to protect us against shame. Not one of those sources connects anger to shame. And that's the primary connection we need to understand if we want to resolve anger, not just try to shoo it away. What are we talking about when we discuss anger -- let's get into definitions of Anger Focused on vengeance secondary to a desire -- more than an emotion. Written discussions of anger in the western canon go back as far as fourth-century BC in Greece when the philosopher Aristotle (384-322 B.C.) argued that anger is a rational and natural reaction to being offended and thus is closely associated with reason. In the Rhetoric (1991, p. 1380) he defined anger as “a belief that we, or our friends, have been unfairly slighted, which causes in us both painful feelings and a desire or impulse for revenge.” 1907 Catholic Encyclopedia: Anger: The desire of vengeance. Its ethical rating depends upon the quality of the vengeance and the quantity of the passion. When these are in conformity with the prescriptions of balanced reason, anger is not a sin. It is rather a praiseworthy thing and justifiable with a proper zeal. It becomes sinful when it is sought to wreak vengeance upon one who has not deserved it, or to a greater extent than it has been deserved, or in conflict with the dispositions of law, or from an improper motive. The sin is then in a general sense mortal as being opposed to justice and charity. It may, however, be venial because the punishment aimed at is but a trifling one or because of lack of full deliberation. Likewise, anger is sinful when there is an undue vehemence in the passion itself, whether inwardly or outwardly. Ordinarily it is then accounted a venial sin unless the excess be so great as to go counter seriously to the love of God or of one's neighbor. CCC 2302 By recalling the commandment, "You shall not kill," our Lord asked for peace of heart and denounced murderous anger and hatred as immoral. Anger is a desire for revenge. "To desire vengeance in order to do evil to someone who should be punished is illicit," but it is praiseworthy to impose restitution "to correct vices and maintain justice." If anger reaches the point of a deliberate desire to kill or seriously wound a neighbor, it is gravely against charity; it is a mortal sin. The Lord says, "Everyone who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment." Contradiction that aggression (or vengeance) and anger have to go together Lot of research to tease about anger and aggression: Ephesians 4:26: Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger APA Dictionary of Psychology: an emotion characterized by tension and hostility arising from frustration, real or imagined injury by another, or perceived injustice. It can manifest itself in behaviors designed to remove the object of the anger (e.g., determined action) or behaviors designed merely to express the emotion (e.g., swearing). Anger is distinct from, but a significant activator of, aggression, which is behavior intended to harm someone or something. Despite their mutually influential relationship, anger is neither necessary nor sufficient for aggression to occur. Psychologist Paul Ekman. (1999). Basic emotions. In T. Dalgleish & M. J. Power (Eds.), Handbook of cognition and emotion (pp. 45–60). John Wiley & Sons Ltd Due to its distinct and widely recognizable pattern of face expression, anger has always been included in the repertoire of basic emotions. Benefits of Anger Farzaneh Pahlavan Multiple Facets of Anger: Getting Mad or Restoring Justice? Chapter 3: The Neurobiology of RAGE and Anger & Psychiatric Implications with a Focus on Depression Daniel J. Guerra1, Valentina Colonnello and Jaak Panksepp As a basic emotion, anger emerges early in life and has a unique adaptive function in motivating, organizing, and regulating behavior. No other emotion can match the consistency and vigor of anger in mobilizing high-level energy and sustaining goal-directed activity. Anger serves a variety of regulatory functions in physiological and psychological processes related to self-defense as well as to interpersonal and societal behaviors. Through socialization processes, it plays an important role in the development of personality and individual differences in responding to environmental challenges, which can be more or less adaptive. (p. v). Aristotle: Aristotle: Nichomachean Ethics: It is easy to fly into a passion – anybody can do that – but to be angry with the right person into the right extent and at the right time and with the right object in the right way – that is not easy, and it is not everyone who can do it In themselves passions are neither good nor evil. They are morally qualified only to the extent that they effectively engage reason and will….It belongs to the perfection of the moral or human good that the passions be governed by reason. CCC 1767 CCMMP: Catholic-Christian Meta-Model of the Person DMU Paul Vitz, William Nordling, Paul Craig Titus. p. (294) to remain in the virtuous middle ground requires being disposed to a righteous anger that will stand up to injustice, and use a good measure of anger in ways that are corrective of the evil, preventive of further injustice, and indicative of a balance to mean between extremes. Emotions are good when, as reactions antecedent to reasoning, they make us conscious of reality and prepare us for a more complete reaction and moral action. Emotion and choice then serve moral flourishing (e.g., when we have an appropriate spontaneous reaction of anger at injustice). Second, emotions are good as felt reactions that also follow the intellectual evaluation of the situation. Emotions can be expressive of rational decisions. Emotions can thus participate in our life of reason and will (Gondreau, 2013). For example, when we choose to rectify and injustice, a balanced expression of anger can help us to act decisively will being restrained enough that we do not overreact. Through a righteous or just expression of anger, we entered rectify injustice, will finding a just and rational mean between excessively weak or exceedingly strong emotional displays. (p. 650). Emotions are viewed as informing people about their cares and concerns. To prepare the body for action, directing our thoughts to ways that will appropriately address the issues at hand. They can signal and manipulate other people in ways that suit the person's emotional needs (Parrott, 2001). Being disconnected from emotional experience, therefore, means being cut off from adaptive information (Pos et al., 2003). (pp. 650-651). Digression into justification of secular sources Question may arise, "OK, Dr. Peter, as you already noted, anger has been recognized for a long time, going all the way back to Aristotle and way before that in Sacred Scripture. You emphasize that you are a Catholic psychologist, so why are you even looking at these secular sources like the American Psychological Association? There is a lot about anger in Scripture, in the Church Fathers and the saints about anger in the spiritual life. Discalced Carmelite Abbott Marc Foley in his excellent book The Context of Holiness: Psychological and Spiritual Reflections on the Life of St. Therese of Lisieux "One…misconception is that the spiritual life is an encapsulated sphere, cloistered from the realities of daily living….we have only one life composed of various dimensions. Our emotional life, intellectual life, social life, work life, sex life, spiritual life are simple ways of speaking of the different facets of our one life. (p. 1). We have one life. One life. We don't have a spiritual life that is separate from our emotional life. We have one life. If we are angry, that affects our whole life. The Church herself encourages us to look to all branches of knowledge and glean what is best from them in order to live our one life better. From the CCC, paragraph 159 "Though faith is above reason, there can never be any real discrepancy between faith and reason. Since the same God who reveals mysteries and infuses faith has bestowed the light of reason on the human mind, God cannot deny himself, nor can truth ever contradict truth." "Consequently, methodical research in all branches of knowledge, provided it is carried out in a truly scientific manner and does not override moral laws, can never conflict with the faith, because the things of the world and the things of faith derive from the same God. The humble and persevering investigator of the secrets of nature is being led, as it were, by the hand of God in spite of himself, for it is God, the conserver of all things, who made them what they are." And from the Vatican II document, the Pastoral Constitution of the Church in the Modern World, paragraph 62 reads: In pastoral care, sufficient use must be made not only of theological principles, but also of the findings of the secular sciences, especially of psychology and sociology, so that the faithful may be brought to a more adequate and mature life of faith. Remember that we are embodied beings -- we are composites of a soul and a body. The 17th Century Philosopher Rene Descartes' popularized what is called mind-body dualism. Mind-body dualism is the idea that the body and the mind operate in separate spheres, and neither can be assimilated into the other. And that is false. Demonstrably false in a lot of ways, be we so often assume it to be true. We have one life. In the last several years we are realizing just how much of our mental life and our psychological well-being is linked in various ways to our neurobiology -- the ways that our nervous systems function. And the relationship between our embodied brain and our minds is reciprocal -- each affects the other in complex ways that we are just beginning to understand. In other words, brain chemistry affects our emotional states. And our emotional states and our behaviors affect brain chemistry. It's not just our minds and it's not just our bodies and it's not just our souls -- it's all of those, all of what makes me who I am, body, mind, soul, spirit, all of it. And since Scripture, the Early Church Fathers, the Catechism and so on are silent on neurobiology, neurochemistry, neurophysiology and so many other areas that impact our minds and our well-being, as a Catholic psychologist I am going to look elsewhere, I'm going to look into secular sources. I just don't think it's reasonable to expect the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops or the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in the Vatican to be experts in these areas -- it's not their calling, it's not their expertise. St. John of the Cross in his Prologue of Ascent of Mt. Carmel: "I will not rely on experience or science…[but] I will not neglect whatever possible use I can make of them. Fr. Marc Foley, OCD : The Context of Holiness: As St. Thomas wrote of St. Augustine's use of Platonic philosophy in the Summa: "whenever Augustine, who was imbued with the doctrines of the Platonists, found in their teaching anything consistent with the faith, he adopted it and those things which he found contrary to the faith he amended." (ST I, q. 84,a. 5) p.4 And St. Thomas himself drew on so much of Aristotle's thought in his writings, bringing it into his body of work. Abbot Marc Foley. In short, we should never swallow the school of thought whole; we should sift the wheat from the chaff, separate truth from falsehood. p.4 We want the best from all sources. Emphasis on biological processes: From Heidi Crockett Anger Management with Interpersonal Neurobiology Discussed Interpersonal Neurobiology at length in Episode 92 of this podcast Understanding and Healing your Mind through IPNB In interpersonal neurobiology, anger as an emotion is viewed from the perspective of cognitive neuroscience. And cognitive neuroscience states that cognition and emotion are dynamically combined with physical arousal. When anger is induced as an emotion in humans, it can unconsciously affect physiological and neural resources. Affective states of anger are subsequently expressed in the brain as well as the body, and these neural and physiological changes can influence the cognitive processes. Many studies and resources have been expended on studying the emotions of happiness, sadness, and fear, which align with psychopathological states of hypomania, depression, and anxiety. Kathy Steele, Suzette Boon, Onno van der Hart: Treating Trauma-Related Dissociation: A Practical, Integrative Approach: Anger is an affect to derived from activation of the sympathetic nervous system, geared to energize the body for maximum effort to fend off perceived danger. Psychologically, it protects from awareness of vulnerability and lack of control, and therefore from shame. And fight mode, we are all primed to perceive cues of danger rather than cues of safety and relational connection. In such a heightened state of arousal, it is easy to misunderstand the intentions of others. (p.332). Polyvagal theory and anger A critical period for experience-dependent development of the feelings of safety during early infancy: A polyvagal perspective on anger and psychometric tools to assess perceived safety Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience July 2022 article Andrea Poli, Angelo Gemignani, Carlo Chiorri and Mario Miccoli Brief primer here on some neurology. Don't worry. I will keep it simple. Neurons are specialized cells that receive and send signals to other cells through fragile and thin cellular extensions called axons. Myelination: a membrane or a sheath around the axons on neurons. Myelinated axons often have a larger diameter Myelinated axons are insulated Myelination allows for much faster transmission of electric impulses Presence of safety during the critical period (first year of life). Decreased unmyelinated/myelinated cardioinhibitory fibers ratio in adulthood Ventral Vagal complex is able to have a greater impact on reducing the Sympathetic Nervous System arousal -- decreasing anger VVC is able to have a greater impact on reducing Dorsal Vagal Complex fear and shutdown responses -- the freeze response. Greater capacity for self-regulation. Absence of safety during the critical period Increased unmyelinated/myelinated cardioinhibitory fibers ratio in adulthood Ventral Vagal complex has a lesser impact on reducing the Sympathetic Nervous System arousal -- less able to decrease sympathetic arousal, including anger VVC has a lesser impact on reducing Dorsal Vagal Complex fear and shutdown responses -- less able to reduce the freeze response. Less capacity for self-regulation. Dampened VVC activity reduces the capacity of adaptive inhibition of SNS and DVC (Dorsal Vagal Complex), and emotional self-regulation. Hence, environmental detection of unsafety cues may preferentially trigger SNS-mediated anger in order to avoid DVC-mediated immobilization with fear. Young children exposed to five or more significant adverse experiences in the first three years of childhood face a 76% likelihood of having one or more delays in their language, emotional or brain development. (6) As the number of traumatic events experienced during childhood increases, the risk for the following health problems in adulthood increases: depression; alcoholism; drug abuse; suicide attempts; heart and liver diseases; pregnancy problems; high stress; uncontrollable anger; and family, financial, and job problems. (6) 7 ways childhood adversity changes a child's brain Donna Jackson Nakazawa Acestoohigh.com website September 8, 2016 Epigenetic Shifts gene methylation, in which small chemical markers, or methyl groups, adhere to the genes involved in regulating our stress response, and prevent these genes from doing their jobs. Size and Shape of the Brain stress releases a hormone that actually shrinks the size of the hippocampus, an area of our brain responsible for processing emotion and memory and managing stress. Chronic neuroinflammation can lead to changes that reset the tone of the brain for life Brain connectivity: Dr. Ryan Herringa, neuropsychiatrist and assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin, found that children and teens who'd experienced chronic childhood adversity showed weaker neural connections between the prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus. Girls also displayed weaker connections between the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala. The prefrontal-cortex-amygdala relationship plays an essential role in determining how emotionally reactive we're likely to be to the things that happen to us in our day-to-day life, and how likely we are to perceive these events as stressful or dangerous. Including anger. Wiring of the brain and nervous system matter -- they matter a lot Brain activation in anger Distinct Brain Areas involved in Anger versus Punishment during Social Interactions Olga M. Klimecki, David Sander & Patrik Vuilleumier Scientific Reports 2018. 25 men fMRI study anger induced in an in inequality game designed to be unfair. In the present study, we found that the intensity of experienced anger when seeing the face of the unfair other was parametrically related to activations in amygdala, STS (superior temporal sulcus), and fusiform gyrus (related to facial recognition). The STS has been shown to produce strong responses when subjects perceive stimuli in research areas that facial recognition Farzaneh Pahlavan Multiple Facets of Anger: Getting Mad or Restoring Justice? Chapter 3: The Neurobiology of RAGE and Anger & Psychiatric Implications with a Focus on Depression Daniel J. Guerra1, Valentina Colonnello and Jaak Panksepp Rage emerges when specific environmental stimuli arouse the neural circuitry of the RAGE system. Even if the anger-thoughts and the related expression are modulated and regulated by higher cortico-cognitive areas, the human basic circuitry of anger is still subcortical. Since the early description of rage in decorticated cats (Dusser De Barenne, 1920) and dogs (Rothmann, 1923) and their responses to inoffensive stimuli, it was clear that the rage expression is i) dependent on subcortical areas, i.e. the ancient regions play a crucial role more than the higher neocortical regions; ii) independent of an intact cortex. p. 11 Among the higher limbic regions of this network, the medial nucleus, the basal complex, and central and lateral nuclei of the amygdala play a key role in the modulation of RAGE. p. 1 All this happens far away from the frontal cortex in the limbic system of your brain. Kathy Steele, Suzette Boon, Onno van der Hart: Treating Trauma-Related Dissociation: A Practical, Integrative Approach Why of Chronic anger. Anger is the primary emotion of the "fight" defense. When (parts of) the patient become stuck in this defense, anger becomes chronic. Thus, the first intervention is safety. 332 As long as a fight reaction remains unresolved, anger will remain chronic. (p.332). Almost no one seems to understands that anger is a defense against fear and shame. It's a way of trying to protect oneself. There are several reasons that anger and hostility become chronic in dissociative patients. First, patients typically have been severely invalidated, ignored, heard, betrayed, and sometimes even tortured over extended periods of time, while helpless to stop it. In itself, this is enough to generate enormous rage in anyone as part of the naturally occurring fight defense. Second, as children, patients often had little to no help in learning how to regulate and appropriately express normal anger, much less how to cope with it. Often it was unacceptable for many patients to express any kind of anger as children, while the adults around them were uncontained and highly destructive with their anger. Others had no limit set on their angry behaviors. (p. 330). Angry dissociative parts are feared and avoided internally by most other parts, particularly those that function in daily life. After all, angry behaviors toward self and others may interfere with functioning in a variety of personal and social ways. An ongoing vicious cycle of rage and shame ensues internally: the more patients avoid their angry and destructive dissociative parts, the angry these parts become, and the more they shame other parts and are shamed by them. (p. 331). … Angry parts have a deep shame and are highly defended against the strong belief that they are very bad. Their defense is reinforced by the shame of patients that such parts of themselves even exist. These parts of the patient are terrified of attachment to the therapist and you the relationship is dangerous, mainly because they are afraid that the therapist will never accept them. (p. 331-332). Whether the anger is part of a fight response or not, it is often a secondary emotion that protects the patient from feelings of sadness, extreme powerlessness, shame, guilt, and loss. (p. 333). (add grief) Parts of the patient that developed controlling-punitive strategies will be angry with others to get what they need, while those that have controlling-caregiving strategies will punish themselves for being angry or having needs. (p. 333). This is often the case in hostile parts such as those of self-injure or encourage other parts to self-harm, prostitute themselves, abuse drugs or alcohol, or engage in other self-destructive behaviors. They are often stuck in destructive and harmful behaviors that are an "attack self" defense against shame. (p.333). Finally, the rage of the perpetrator is often an embodied experience from which patients cannot yet escape without sufficient realization and further integration. Some dissociative parts imitate perpetrators internally, repeating the family dynamics from the past with other parts in a rather literal way. (p.333). "Getting the anger out" is not really useful, as the problem is that the patient needs to learn how to effectively express anger verbally rather than physically, and in socially appropriate and contained ways, so the patient can be heard by others. It is less the fact that patients express anger, but how they do so and whether that expression allows him to remain grounded in the present, to retain important relationships, and to avoid being self-destructive. (p. 334). Expression of anger is not necessarily therapeutic in itself. It is how (parts of) the patient experience and express it that is important; whether it is within a window of tolerancex in a socially appropriate and safe. Therapist must learn when expression of anger is therapeutic and when containment of anger is more helpful. (p. 334). Working with anger an angry parts (p.335). Take the time to educate the patient as a whole about the functions of anger and angry parts. Although they may seem like "troublemakers," they can be understood as attempting to solve problems with ineffective or insufficient tools. Encourage all parts of the patient understand, accept, and listen to angry parts, instead of avoiding them. Make efforts to understand what provokes angry parts. There are many potential triggers. Not direct quotes Do all parts feel the same way as the angry part? If not, can those parts listen to and accept angry parts perspective? Would the angry part be willing to listen to the other internal perspectives? Invite other parts to watch and listen if possible. Can set limits with the angry part the angry part and all parts need to learn that healthy relationships do not include punishment, humiliation, or force Use titration, helping the person experienced as a small amount of anger will remain grounded in the present Parts and imitate a perpetrator often literally experience themselves in our experienced by other parts as the actual perpetrator. Thus they understandably induce fear and shame within a patient as a whole, and sometimes fearing the therapist. (p. 345). The functions of perpetrator-imitating parts are (1) protect the patient against threats of the perpetrator, which continue to be experienced as real in the present; (2) defend the patient against unbearable realizations of being helpless and powerless as a child, (3) re-enact traumatic memories from the perspective of the perpetrator, as mentalize by the child; (4) serve as a defense against shame through attacking the patient and avoiding inner experiences of shame; (5) provide an outlet for the patient's disowned sadistic and punitive tendencies; and (6) hold unbearable traumatic memories. (p. 346). Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart 2011 book Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists Destructive expressions of anger include persistent revenge fantasies or actions, hurting self or others, "taking it out" on innocent people (or animals), or destruction of property. (p. 265). Dissociative parts of a person that are stuck in anger may experience this feeling as vehement and overwhelming, often without words. They may have irresistible urges to act aggressively and have great difficulty thinking and reflecting on their feelings before acting. Angry parts have not learned how to experience or express anger and helpful ways. There are two types of anger dissociative parts. The first are parts that are stuck in a defensive fight mode, ready to protect you. Their anger at original injustices may be legitimate and naturally accompanies a tendency to strike out and fight, which is an essential survival strategy. However, such parts have become stuck in anger, unable to experience much else. They rigidly perceived threat and ill-will everywhere and they react with anger and aggression as their only option of response. Although these parts of you may not yet realize it, anger is often a protection against vulnerable feelings of shame, fear, hurt, despair, powerlessness, and loss. The second type of angry part may seem very much like the original perpetrator. They imitate those who hurt them in the past, and they can be experienced internally as the actual perpetrator. This experience can be particularly frightening, disorienting, and shameful. But be assured this is a very common way of dealing with being traumatized. In fact, although these parts may have some similarities to those who hurt you, they also significant differences: they are parts of you as a whole person, who is trying to cope with unresolved traumatic experiences. (p. 267) Tips for coping with anger (p, 269 to 271) recognize how to make distinctions among the many gradations of anger, from mild irritation to rage, so that you can intervene more rapidly. Understand your tells around anger, which may include a tight or tense feeling in your body, clenched jaw's or fists, feeling flushed or shaky, breathing heavily, heart racing, a feeling of heat, a surge of energy. Empathize with her angry parts, recognizing they have very limited coping skills, and very limited vision. They've been shunned by other parts, left alone with their hurt, fear, shame, in isolation. This does not mean you have to accept their impulses toward inappropriate behavior Once you start feeling some compassion toward these parts you can begin to communicate with them, listening with an intention, with curiosity to understand what lies underneath the anger Angry parts have a strength, that they could transferred to use and more positive ways Become more curious about why anger is happening. Try creative and healthy nonverbal ways of expressing your anger, such as writing, drawing, painting, making a collage Physical exercise may help as an outlet for the physical energy generated by the physiology of anger Work on understanding your anger, by reflecting on it, rather than just experiencing it, being immersed in it. You might imagine observing yourself from a distance, and getting curious about why you feel the way you do. Give yourself a time-out, that is, walk away from the situation if you're getting too angry. Counseling to 10, or even 200 before you say or do something you might regret later. Calm breathing may help Listen to each part of you, about what might help that part with anger. You can have in her conversations with parts of yourself about anger and how to express it. Small and safe ways to express anger can be negotiated that are agreeable to all parts of you Watch safe people in your life and seal they handle their own anger. Do they accept being angry? Are they are respectful and appropriate with her anger? Are there particular strategies that they use that you could practice for yourself? Healthy anger can get positive strength and energy. It can help you be appropriately assertive, set clear boundaries, and confront wrongs in the world. Anger can pave the way to other emotions, leading to the resolution relational conflicts. We learn the most common triggers of your anger. Once you learn these triggers, you can be more aware when they occur and more able to prevent an automatic reaction of anger. Establish intercommunication among parts of yourself to recognize triggers and negotiate possible helpful strategies to cope with them rather than just reacting. You can try allowing yourself to experience just a small amount of anger from another part of yourself: a drop, a teaspoon, 1% or 2%. In exchange you can share with angry parts feelings of calm and safety. Inner safe spaces can be very helpful for childlike parts that feel terrified My parts Feisty Part-- defends against shame -- Melancholio. Good Boy Challenger Creative-distracting me. Closing Mark your calendars. Next Live Experience of the IIC podcast will be on Friday, January 13, 2023 from 2:00 PM to 3:00 PM Eastern time on Zoom (repeat) -- All about Anger -- dealing with your anger. Going beyond what books can do. Experiential exercise. Links to register have gone out in our emailed Wednesday Reflections. Can get the link on the IIC landing page as well, SoulsandHearts.com/iic December 28, 2022 Reflection at soulsandhearts.com/blog From Rejecting to Embracing Aging Reach out to me Crisis@soulsandhearts.com Conversation hours: cell is 317.567.9594 conversation hours 4:30 PM to 5:30 PM Eastern Time Every Tuesday and Thursday. Resilient Catholic Community -- you do not have to be alone. Why a deep intimate personal relationship with God our Father, Mary our Mother -- spiritual parents By claiming our identity as beloved daughters and sons of God the Father and Mary our Mother. Identity is freely given. How By dealing with the natural level issues we have, the human formation issues we have that have spiritual consequences. Grace perfects nature So many spiritual problems have their roots in the natural realm, in human formation. If this kind of exercise is helpful to you, we have nearly 100 of them in the Resilient Catholics Community. 120 Catholics like you already on board, already on the pilgrimage -- just had 47 apply for the December 2022 cohort, excited to get to know our new applicants. Closed December 31 -- wait list should be up soon for the June 2023 Cohort. Get to know your own parts Get to love your own parts If interested, contact me. Crisis@soulsandhearts.com 317.567.9594 conversation hours 4:30 PM to 5:30 PM Eastern Time Every Tuesday and Thursday.
Holiday Grief & St. Dymphna's Playbook- A Catholic Guide to Finding Mental & Emotional Well-Being. - On this segment of Faith in Action, co-hosts Jim Ganley and Brigid Ayer are joined by Tommy Tighe, marriage & family therapist, and author of “St. Dymphna's Playbook-A Catholic Guide to Finding Mental and Emotional Well-Being.” Tithe offers tips for managing grief during the holidays and how faith communities can help support those struggling. For details see www.catholichipster.com
Summary: In this episode, Dr. Peter brings together what we have been learning about receiving love in the story of Susanna Lead-in: There is something in us, as storytellers and as listeners to stories, that demands the redemptive act, that demands that what falls at least be offered the chance to be restored. The reader of today looks for this motion, and rightly so, but what he has forgotten is the cost of it. His sense of evil is diluted or lacking altogether, and so he has forgotten the price of restoration. When he reads a novel, he wants either his sense tormented or his spirits raised. He wants to be transported, instantly, either to mock damnation or a mock innocence.” Catholic Novelist Flannery O'Connor Intro. I have been doing a lot of podcast lecturing. Dense programming, lots of information. Like Episode 99. Not a bad thing. But I want you to really take in what I'm offering at a bones level. To possess it at the felt level, to be that familiar with it. Not just head knowledge. Whole self knowledge. So I am going back to another way of learning, one I haven't emphasized enough. Stories. Today, I am going to tell you a story. A story about receiving different kinds of love. Why? Here's why. In the words of Edward Miller tells us. “Stories are our primary tools of learning and teaching, the repositories of our lore and legends. They bring order into our confusing world." Our primary tools for teaching and learning. And it's true. We teach our children in their earliest years through stories and experiences. Not through lectures. I am Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist, passionate Catholic, co-founder and president of Souls and Hearts and soulsandhearts.com, and I am very pleased to with you as your host and guide in this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, episode 101 to be your storyteller, to tell you a story. This episode is titled A Story about Receiving Different Kinds of Love -- a story we can all related to. Prepping for the Story Ways to Listen Listen to the Story Listening to yourself as you listen to the Story. What is going on inside Listen to your own parts Can pause the audio Reflective space What are your noticing What are you resonating with in the story, what is impacting you.? What are you rejecting Parts -- Episode 71 A new and better way of understanding myself and others. Needs Primary Conditions for Secure Attachment Felt sense of safety and protection -- have to go through the valley of shame, fear, anger, grief Feeling seen, heard, known and understood -- have to tolerating being in relationship, being present. Feeling comforted, soothed and reassured Feeling cherished, treasured, delighted in Feeling the other has your best interests at heart Integrity Needs My need to exist and survive My need to matter My need to have agency My need to be good My need for mission and purpose in life Resistance to Being Loved from IIC 99 Limited vision and lack of imagination, leading to a refusal to be transformed by God We don't understand God's love The Costs of Being Loved by God Poor God images Poor Self images -- Shame Refusal to be vulnerable, to be exposed, to be revealed to God. Lack of courage. Anger at God -- rebellion Cautions -- could be evocative for you -- parts of you may really connect in various ways. I want you to take care of your self and your parts as you listen to the story. If you need a break, take a break. The Story -- Hero's Journey outline The Ordinary World Susanna -- 40 year old married mother of three -- Brown hair, warm brown eyes, and easy smile, she laughs at your jokes -- the kind of person that you immediately felt comfortable with. Open and engaging with other people, was well read, and could talk about your interests. Socially adept, she coordinated making meals for local women who had babies. Had a sense that she had suffered in her life and understood something about suffering. And that was true Life wasn't always easy for Susanna Grew up in Culpeper, VA, 75 miles west of Washington DC, oldest of four children, all girls. Named Susan. Mother -- quiet, introverted - an interior designer turned homemaker. Father -- extroverted, warm, gregarious high school teacher - taught algebra, geometry and trigonometry at Culpeper County High School -- great sense of humor, gratifying, and a pretty easy grader, students loved him and he really liked being a popular teacher. Strong sense that father had favorites among the daughters, and she wasn't one of them When Susan was age 16, her mother divorced her father -- his affairs, excessive drinking Mother devastated. Really wanted her daughter to understand. Susanna was cold. Read the divorce decree "Irreconcilable differences" And she was so angry At an emotional level, Susan repudiated both Mom and Dad. Not understanding, not wanting to understand. Decided to go by "Susanna" -- three reasons Devoted to the Chronicles of Narnia -- The last book of the series, The Last Battle. Aslan says "Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia." Given to nylons, lipstick, and party invitations -- she didn't seem serious any more. Susan was her given name -- she wanted different name, but not too different In the Bible, in Daniel chapter 13, Susanna was the beautiful, faithful wife of Joakim. She refused to be blackmailed into adultery by two respectable men of high stature in the community, two judges, who just happened to have also be voyeurs, peeping-Toms. Susanna preferred death by denunciation rather than compromise her moral principles, and was saved by a young boy, Daniel, whose clever cross-examination of the accusers revealed them to be liars. Susanna was a real heroine in her eyes, someone to be emulated. Shuttling back and forth between parents, who were drifting from the Faith. Mom pursued an annulment got it, and remarried the summer after Susanna's graduation from high school. Susanna refused to be in the bridal party, refused to go to the wedding. Like many teenagers in this position, Susan rebelled. But not by using alcohol, drugs or sex. Susan rebelled by becoming more Catholic -- Went to Christendom college, it was close, it was Catholic. She was determined to make a new life there. Leave the old life behind. Came home to see her parents as little as possible, focused on her sisters when she did come home. Very uncommunicative with Mom and Dad. Christendom is where she met Brett, who eventually became her husband. Mathematics major, got into computer programming. Very introverted, not very social. Not socially awkward, exactly, but not at all inclined to parties and large groups. Home based -- independent contractor. High income Fantasy Role playing Games. Children 16 year old Savannah, her oldest -- now driving and asserting her independence. 13 year old Trevor -- athlete, mechanically talented, liked woodworking 10 year old Micah -- still really cute and cuddly with Mom, starting to play volleyball and very into play dates with her friends. The Call to Adventure Had been a freelance writer, mostly for Catholic publications, small but dedicated following. Made a little money. Fr. Brownlee, the pastor asks her if she would consider being the assistant for ministry outreach at their suburban mega-parish. Part time position. Ray de la Cruz, the director for ministry outreach needed and assistant, just 10-15 hours per week, a lot of writing and some event planning, event management. Fr. Brownlee, the pastor, love to have you on board, consider it -- Office at the parish, near the parish grade school, close to her two youngest kids. A fit for her charisms. Refusing the Call to Adventure She has a comfortable life, deciding not to do it. Likes her home. Brett starting to have some odd heart problems. High blood pressure for years, stress of hitting deadlines. Not doing as well. Strange bodily symptoms, heart racing, no biological causes found. Sometimes off of work for a week at a time, income not so stable. Gnawing anxiety about that -- his father and grandfather had both died young. She wasn't confident that she could handle the family finances if he died or became incapacitated. Pushing it out of her mind. Conflict increasing at home, especially between Trevor and Brett. Need for human contact, writing getting lonely. Brett not very good company right now, irritable, sad. Maybe she does have something to offer. Kids are more independent now, very busy. Meeting the Mentor Ray, the director of ministry outreach -- really dynamic guy, lots of positive energy. Brought in six months ago to revitalize the ministry outreach and find ways to really reach people, bring them more alive in the Faith. Lots of initiatives across the different demographics of the parish. Just needed a little help. Susanna didn't know him well. But from her vantage point, she did appreciate how he motivated people, how he stayed on his message of getting people to pray, to spend time with the Lord. The Eucharistic Adoration chapel at the parish had been pretty moribund, but now it was lively, and teenagers from the youth groups were regularly taking hours in front of the Lord, even her daughter Savannah. Ray was direct, straight-talking and had just come from significant success as an assistant VP in a mid-size marketing firm, but now was looking for more meaning and purpose in his life. He was 38, had a few years in diocesan seminary, discerned out, and had never married. He was doing an amazing outreach with the Latino community in the parish as well. In the initial interview with Ray about the position, Susanna felt uplifted and supported. She sensed that Ray was interested in her life, her background. He discussed how he wanted to craft the position around the person -- around her -- capitalizing on her strengths, gifts, charisms, and not trying to fit her to some procrustean bed of a rigid position description. And he really wanted to make sure that the position, if she took it, fostered her spiritual life. "We have a start-up spirit here, not your same old parish corporate Catholicism" he said, laughing. He was a fan of Dynamic Catholic and Matthew Kelly, had his books handy, Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic was his favorite book, he told her. So much in there we can learn to put in practice here. Let me think about it. Give me two weeks. "OK, Susanna, you have two weeks. Take all the time you need. I'll be praying for you. Just don't forget about me, OK, get in back in touch when you are ready." If I am going to step back out in the world, I would want the position to support my spiritual life, foster my prayer life, help me toward holiness. I would want someone in my corner, Susanna thought. Someone who really had my back, someone that would advocate for me, some who understood me. I need that. If I start working outside our home again, I would need a supervisor who actually cares about me as a person not just what I can do for them. Then with just a little twinge, a feeling she couldn't quite identify, the next thought came. Someone like Ray. She corrected herself. Mr. De la Cruz. Crossing the Threshold Ten days later she came back to the parish offices met Ray and Fr. Brownlee in Ray's office and said, I'm in, but here's the caveat. I want to try it for 90 days, see how it goes -- family life, how this sits with Brett, it's been a long while since I've been working in the world. All right, Ray said, his face lighting up. Let's do this -- and no worries, Susanna, this parish isn't the world, You'll be working in the Church, not the world. Fr. Brownlee shook her hand and smiled. Have Martha onboard you with all the employment paperwork, she'll walk you through all that tedium. I will let you and Ray figure out the details about how to work together, I trust you both, I have to go, financial reports for the Archdiocese are waiting. You know how to reach me if you need something. God bless. Let's start with prayer, said Ray. And without waiting for her to answer, he prayed out loud, thanking God for the parish, for Fr. Brownlee, for the outreach work, the work of evangelization, for the beauty of the day, and for Susanna joining the staff, bringing all her gifts and talents and her whole being to the team. Then he made the sign of the cross. All right, Ray said again, let's shake on the deal. He held out his hand and she shook it, and felt a ripple of electricity surges up her arm as he gave her a quick squeeze before releasing. She felt excited, was she really happy? She hadn't sensed such an uplift in a long time. I must have gotten older than my years somehow, she thought to herself. She smiled warmly at him and he laughed again and asked "what's your schedule for today? Test, Allies, Enemies The next six month seemed like a whirlwind to Susanna. She absolutely embraced the parish work. Her confidence rose week by week. Ray was able to find just the right growing edges for her, to really stretch her but not overwhelm her. They read passages from Matthew Kelly's book "The Dream Manager" and brainstormed together about her professional development. Susanna did most of the planning for the eighth grade retreat, and her son Trevor said that all his friends at school thought it was the best retreat ever. Susanna connected with Martha, the parish administrative assistant and Sharon, the school principal, who also took an interest in her and appreciated her eating lunch with the students including Trevor and Micah on occasion. And she made a lot of mistakes, there was a steep learning curve for Susanna. Ray laughed them off with one or more of his inexhaustible supply of quotes. For the eighth grade graduation supper, Susanna caused great commotion with a caterer -- Susanna had made several errors in placing the order and then alienated the caterer in her frantic attempts to force everything to work out. Multiple different entrees had to be prepared in an emergency, the food quality suffered and worst of all, all Trevor's classmates knew it was Susanna's fault. The caterer complained about Susanna to the pastor and the auxiliary bishop. Susanna felt terrible, ashamed, and guilty. Ray wasn't fazed by it at all. He just quoted the business magnate Richard Branson who said "You don't learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over." That was so refreshing for Susanna, who ever since her parents' divorce had been so focused on not making mistakes. She began to realize that she saw her parents' divorce as a huge mistake, she never wanted to make a mistake like that, and the best way to avoid making such a huge mistake was to make no mistakes at all. She began to feel more free, like the world was a little more spacious. At Ray's insistence, Susanna had dispensed with calling him Mr. De la Cruz after the first meeting. My name's Raimundo, but just call me Ray. Everyone does." And everyone did, even the school kids and the youth of the parish. Ray seemed to have unbounded energy and no end of creative ideas. He also took prayer seriously -- Early in the morning, Susanna would see him in the Adoration chapel. He invited her to pray with him before they met to discern and discuss plans. He inquired about her prayer life -- and let her know that he was continuing to pray for her, that she be a saint. He asked her to pray for him. And amazing things were happening in the parish. Ray was a dynamic motivational speaker, especially for the teenagers and the young adults, and he had a way of connecting with the men of the parish as well. He had a remarkable ability to remember names. Susanna found herself admiring him. She grew more and more curious about him, and what made him tick, where did he get all the energy and enthusiasm? He never seemed to have a bad day. He had the full support of the pastor and a lot of autonomy. Her daughters noticed that Mom was happier and busier. Her husband Brett seemed to be noncommittal about her working at the parish. But he was in his funk still, and Susanna began to wonder if he might be depressed. It was hard to know, he was so hard to reach in so many ways. Her own prayer life was growing -- the challenges she was facing encouraged her to pray. And now she had two teenagers, with their trials and their hormones to deal with. Trevor, now in high school, occasionally would ask "How's it going for you, Mom at work.? How's Ray?" Susanna found herself tongue-tied trying to explain what her work was like to Trevor. Susanna experienced some confusion and a vague sense of guilt about her marriage. She struggled with how to love Brett, who so needed space and whose love languages seemed so different from hers. He seemed even more uncomfortable with touch than in years past, with physical affection unless he had been drinking. She had a sense that he didn't fully approve of her working at the parish, but he would not come out and say what he thought. He was so indirect. Why could that man not support her in something that she found joy and purpose and meaning in? It troubled her. Very gradually, over time, Ray became even more casual and familiar in his conversation with Susanna. Sometimes he would call her "Susanita" and playfully refer to Susanna as his "guiding star" when she had a particularly creative idea. He had an amazing vocabulary in multiple languages. Once in a while, when he was in a particularly warm mood, he would refer to her with terms of affection in other languages -- querida, cara, carino, mon chéri. She asked him about that. He responded with a big smile and his arms open wide, I'm from Puerto Vallarta in Jalisco, We talk like that there, they are just ways of expressing friendship and connection. And I consider you more than just my assistant. I think we are spiritual friends -- at least I hope we are. Like St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane de Chantal. But hey, if it bothers you, I won't use those words, I can just call you Susanna. No problem." "No, no it's ok, I kind of like it.." Great, said Ray. Susanna, I just want to be a Ray of sunshine in your life, and he laughed heartily at his own play on words. But those words stayed with Susanna and echoed in her memory. A Ray of sunshine in my life. Three weeks later, at the end of the day. Susanna stopped by Ray's office to drop off a file and saw him head down in his chair, shaking. "Ray?" "Ray, are you all right?" He took his hands from his face, eyes streaming with silent tears. "No." "I'm not all right." "I'm very not right." Susanna immediately pulled up a chair next to his, and instinctively she reached out to take his right hand in both of hers. "Ray, it's OK. Ray, what is it?" Ray's breathing was labored and his body shuddered. "I'm glad you're here, I am so glad you're here. Susanna. Just stay with me for a while. With his free hand he wiped tears from his eyes and looked at her. "Ray, what's wrong?" Ray broke off eye contact, looked over her head at the wall. "I can't tell you what's wrong, Susanna. I can't." "I'm so alone, I am so lonely." He looked at her again. "I can't tell you how lonesome I am." He looked down at their hands joined together -- "Do you know it's been four days since anyone has touched me?" And he sobbed silently, rocking back and forth in his chair looking so wounded, looking so broken, looking like a little lost, abandoned boy. Susanna's heart was so full of emotion, and she was acting on impulse. She disengaged her right hand and put her arm around his shoulders holding him with just enough pressure to slow his rocking down. Look at me, she said to him. He looked into her eyes. She said -- You are my Ray of Sunshine. Remember that." Then fear flooded through her and she ran out to her car without her coat or purse in a cold and dark mid-December mist. Her mind was reeling and she tried to recollect herself in the driver's seat. What had just happened? What was going on? She turned the key, the car started. I need some music she said, and turned on the radio. Savannah had tuned in last to an 80s station, and the DJ was saying, up next, Dan Fogelberg's top 10 hit from 1981, Same Auld Lang Syne. Met my old lover in the grocery store. The snow was falling Christmas Eve I stood behind her in the frozen foods. And I touched her on the sleeve. And then her tears flowed. And from deep within her, a very, very young voice was crying out over and over again "I want to go home." "I want to go home" as Dan sang on. Two minutes later the lyrics pierced her like a spear when Dan was singing She said she'd married her an architect, Who kept her warm and safe and dry, She would've liked to say she loved the man, But she didn't like to lie. Susanna clawed the driver's door open leaned over and threw up on the asphalt. She shut the radio off in the middle of the saxophone solo, slammed the transmission into reverse and spun her tires on the wet pavement backing out of there, away from the parish, away from Ray, away from anywhere, just to get away. I love Brett, Susanna insisted to herself, as she drove. I love my husband. I do. I am faithful to him. I love my husband. But another voice, low and soft, almost gentle, said, Yes, you do. Yes you do. But are you sure Brett is your husband? Of course Brett is my husband. We're married. We were married on October 10, we made vows to each other. "Yes, you did. You did. You made a vow. And Brett said the words too. Maybe Brett made a vow, if he was actually capable of making a vow. Maybe. But, Susanna, you know that Brett is on the spectrum don't you? What's the term Functioning autistic? He has been since he was little. Come now, listen to me. How often does he look at you? How well does he understand you, really? Or connect with you emotionally, relationally? What about how he shrinks from your touch so often? How he is so, so introverted? How he lives so much in a fantasy world in his role playing games with anonymous gamers from all over the world? Let's be honest, Susanna, about Brett, it's about time. And let's be honest about you, too. Why you wanted him for a husband. Did you want to love him out of charity -- really? How has that been going, you loving him? Isn't it true that what you really wanted was your own safety, security, his income? And isn't it true that you so desperately wanted to not depend on either of your parents, but you weren't ready to stand on your own two feet? Shut up, shut up, shut up. Susanna, Don't you know that you actually love Ray? Are you that blind? You have loved Ray for months now, but you still you won't admit it. Didn't you just prove that, holding hands with him, your arm around him? Your Ray of Sunshine. Shut up, shut up, shut up! I'm going crazy, Susanna thought. I am going round the bend. Could it be that Brett was too impaired to marry me? Could there be any truth to that? She remembered several Catholic friends and acquaintances who after their civil divorces had applied for declarations of nullity for their marriages from the Archdiocesan Tribunal. All of them were granted. That was a long evening back at home. Susanna told the kids and Brett she wasn't feeling well, skipped supper and went to bed where she lied awake in the darkness in the chaos of her thoughts. The next morning she was supposed to meet with Fr. Brownlee and Ray at 9:00-- she considered calling in sick, but she knew she would have to face Ray again at some point. She arrived at the conference room exactly at 9 -- she didn't want to be late, but she didn't want to be early. Ray was there, looking like his old self. He told her Fr. Brownlee is running a little late. Hey, Susanna, about yesterday -- I'm sorry about being a hot mess. I'm not usually like that, I know I probably made you uncomfortable. Susanna found herself saying, no, Ray, it's OK, really, I was glad to help, and taking in his smile. Thank you, Susanita. Thank you. We're OK? Yes, Ray, we're OK. OK. I just want to thank you for all you did for me. You can't possibly know how much you helped me. You were a gift from God, no really, a gift. I thank God for you. You were so attuned to just what I needed. Can I give you just a little hug, to thank you, my spiritual friend, my sister in Christ? It's hard for me to express everything that's in my heart for you just in words alone. And Susanna, speechless, gave the slightest of nods before being enfolded in Ray's arms. Her body felt electrified as he held her, she felt his body warm and firm and strong against hers, he was smiling down at her, just for those three seconds, and then felt the ache of longing as he let her go, saying, Thank you, mon cherie. Please don't tell anyone how you found me, yesterday. Let's keep that between us, please, I am still embarrassed by my weakness and vulnerability. And at that moment, before she could respond Fr. Brownlee's steps sounded in the corridor, and they separately quickly as they heard his customary hearty greeting, his Pax Vobiscum preceding him from the hallway. They sat down around the table and started with the business items of the day. After that, their hugs became more frequent and longer. They prayed together in the chapel. Sometimes, they furtively held hands, with God's approval, Ray said, as God's beloved children would and siblings who loved each other, Ray said. But they did hide it, because others wouldn't understand their relationship, as Ray said. They were having lunch in the break room of the parish center -- instead of at the school cafeteria -- Susanna asked Ray once more what he was crying that late afternoon -- if he felt up to talking about it. Ray said he was grieving. Grieving what? Grieving for himself. For his situation. Did you ever see the musical Man of la Mancha? When Don Quijote sang the Impossible Dream. She wasn't familiar with the song. They were alone -- so in a low voice, he sang the first few lines for her. To dream the impossible dreamTo fight the unbeatable foeTo bear with unbearable sorrowTo run where the brave dare not goTo right, the un-rightable wrongTo love pure and chaste from afar And this was why I was grieving -- I was grieving you. That all I could do in my love for you, all I could do was to love you, pure and chaste, from afar. We were never going to be close in the way I wanted, in the way I hoped you wanted, it was just going to be frustration and pain and sacrifice and suffering -- But you Susanna -- you showed me another way -- in that dark hour of despair, you reached out and touched me, took my hand, made it all right. You had the presence, you were so able to find a way I could not see for us to be together, for us to love each other and it be right and good. So now it's out there, Susanna Richards. I, Raimundo de la Cruz, your Ray of Sunshine, I love you. I will always love you. Whether you love me or not, I will always love you. Like in Wendell Berry's novel Jayber Crow -- How Jayber loved Mattie Chatham in the way he did, pure and chaste from afar, because Mattie was married to Troy. Jayber was more faithful and true to Mattie than Troy ever was. And Ray leaned back and held his arms wide and said. I love you this big much, mon cherie and laughed. You don't have to say anything Susanita, it's all right. I know this is a lot to take in. I'm OK with whatever your decide. I've decided for me. I've sorted it out on my end, I am at peace. I've made my commitment. I will devote my life to you, in love, in whatever way you permit, in whatever way you allow. I am all yours to take or to leave. You are my Dulcinea, my querida. And like a moth to the flame, Susanna was drawn in deeper and deeper. At the time, the her increasing enmeshment with Ray felt inexorable but later in the clarity of retrospect, she knew it wasn't. Eventually they had sex on a wrestling mat in storeroom by the school gym. So much shifted in both of them after that. For a few weeks after that, they tried to "make the relationship work". It didn't work. Two months after his initial conquest of her, Ray's quote eternal love end quote fizzled out. His idealized Dulcinea image of her faded, and he moved on, decided to leave his ministry position at the parish and moved to another state. Susanna also quit her job and entered into a deep depression, filled with shame and guilt. Brett and the kids were worried, they had never seen her like this. Who am I? She kept saying to herself. Who am I? She was walking downtown that Saturday afternoon on her way from the parking garage to the Catholic bookstore, to find a confirmation gift for her niece as she struggled with her identity. You know what you are, said the soft, silky voice. You know what you are. An adulterer. A whore. You are Susan. Not Susanna. Susanna was the one who resisted seduction, was willing to die rather than enter into adultery. Don't you remember? You are not her. Then hardest cut of all You are just like your father. You should die. Death will bring you release, Susan, do you know that? What do you have to live for now? To the be the adulterous wife of Brett who you don't love and who doesn't want you? To be the whore mother of your children, infecting them with your vice? Can't you be humble enough, even now, to know that they are better off without you? End it all now, Susanna. It would be so easy, there's nothing to it… Approach to the Inmost Cave and the Ordeal At that exact same time on Saturday afternoon, In the little coastal town of Barra Grande, halfway between Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo in southeastern Brazil, a 10 year old girl felt an inspiration to pray for whoever might be in most need right now, maybe a lady who was really sad, a lady who needed help. Her prayer went up to heaven like incense and Susanna did not throw herself into the traffic on that busy street, but made it to the Catholic bookstore, looking a little disheveled. The cashier noticed her as she came in and gave a faint smile and a halfhearted greeting-- she thought the lady did not look well, but at least she clearly was not one of the homeless people that had been so inconvenient lately. In her numbness and distress, dwelling on Who am I? Susanna noticed she was thirsty. Weird, to notice that right now. It made sense. She hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. She walked up through the aisle on prayer, and a slim green volume caught her eye. Thirsting for Prayer. Fr. Jacques Phillipe. She reaches, takes it off the shelf. On page 20, she reads "Over and above our sins and failings, we discover that we are God's children. God loves us as we are, with an absolutely unconditional love and it is this love that gives us our deepest identity." Something moved within her. She flipped to page 22 and read: It is a deep aspiration of every man (and, still more, every woman!) to feel uniquely loved. Not loved in a general way, as one of a large group, but appreciated in our uniqueness. This is what the father's love brings about. Each of us can experience that in his eyes we are loved, chosen by God, in an extremely personal way. We often have the feeling that God loves us in a general way: he loves all men, I'm one of them, so he must take a bit of interest in me. But being loved in a " global" way, as one item in the collection, cannot satisfy us. And then to page 23 "Each of us is every right to say: "God loves me as he loves nobody else in the world!" God does not love two people in the same way because it is actually his love that creates her personality, a different personality for each." And then, for the first time in many months, the sobs came, racking, heaving sobs. This is who I am. This is who I am! This is who I am. A beloved daughter of God. The cashier heaved herself out of her chair and peered into the aisle. Ma'am? Are you OK? But received no answer from Susanna. The cashier shrugged and went back to her chair to work on her Sudoku puzzle. The store manager came over and asked the cashier in a low voice what was going on. She replied sardonically that he had a major clean up to tend to in aisle 4. Then Susanna was up on her feet and moving fast to the door. She stopped momentarily to ask the manager and cashier -- is there a Catholic church nearby? Yes, there's one two blocks north, just go right, and then straight up, can't miss it, Mass is in 50 minutes. Thank you, thank you and she hurried out -- Ah, do you want to pay for the book? I'm so sorry, I'm a bit beside myself. Susanna threw a $20 bill on the counter and ran out. At St. Patrick's Parish, the new pastor Fr. Jennings was eyeing James, the volunteer guitar player and song leader for the 5:00 PM Mass. James, who he he had inherited with the parish in the reassignment two weeks ago. James was in his mid-60s, with a grey ponytail, limited musical talent, and a overweening penchant for Marty Haugen tunes, the very ones that Fr. Jennings most despised. What James lacked in accurate pitch he made up for with increased volume. And James had not followed through on the music they had agreed on for last week's Mass, substituting songs that seemed to him as better to sing in the moment, ones the congregation was familiar with and loved. Much better than the dry hymns this new pup of a pastor wanted. Fr. Jennings told himself to remember that James was also a beloved son of God as he moved in for the confrontation. But at that moment, a woman burst into the church. Father, will you hear my confession? Yes, I would be glad to. And truth be told, Fr. Jennings appreciated a reprieve from the messy business of dealing with James. Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been six months or so since my last confession. And then it all poured out, twelve and a half minutes of heart rending sin and sorrow as Susanna's mascara completed its journey to her chin, borne by tears of both sorrow and joy. Her hatred for her parents, her pride, the adultery with Ray, it all came out. And as the priest gave the absolution, the Magdalene smiled. The Ordeal Susanna left the confessional with three things. A huge sense of relief, a strong sense of mission and a business card for a counselor in the city. The priest strongly recommended that she see this counselor Sandra, one whom he knew and trusted. With the suicidal crisis over for now, a whole new set of questions emerged. How should she tell Brett about Ray? Should she tell him at all? The priest had stressed the point that much of her struggle was in the natural realm - in her history, in her upbringing, and that all needed to be addressed. She needed some professional help. Susanna looked Sandra up. Sandra looked young, really young. She found another one, a Dr. Waldron, a psychologist in his late 60s nearing retirement and started therapy with him. . It didn't go well. She felt blamed and judged by this man who seems more interested in catechizing her than listening. It lasted two sessions and she fired him. She connected with Sandra and entered into deep work. She learned that everyone has parts within them -- constellations of feelings and thoughts and desires. Sometimes parts blend. She was able to connect with her managers A Good Girl Part who always wants her to do the right thing and grew exhausted and hopeless when she could not prevent the affair with Ray. An inner critic who tries to help her by riding her and cutting her down in the hope that she will be good enough to be loved A stuff-it-down manager who represses other parts out of a deep fear that they will overwhelm her A keep-it-safe avoiding part that steers clear of potential trouble and works to minimize the risk of being negatively evaluated by others. And over time she was able to connect with the exiled parts within her A part that wanted to be loved by her father, who so missed her father. She realized that this part's impulses and desires were fueling so much of her interactions with Ray, because this part saw so much of her father in Ray. The parts believed that if she were to win Ray's love, it would fill her father needs. Another exile that felt so much shame about not being able to keep her parents' marriage from falling apart, who felt responsible for the divorce. Her Good Girl part and her inner critic were both focused on silencing this part. This part just wanted to be able to go home to be loved by Mom and Dad. A part filled with rage toward her parents and who hated God for giving her those parents She discovered parts of her that hated her husband and parts of her that were fond of him. Both could be true. As parts gave her space, she was able to discover her innermost self -- her innermost self was able to emerge and begin to lead and guide her system, and innermost self with beautiful qualities. And as she became more integrated inside, her experience of herself began to make sense. For the first time. She realized the when she was tempted by the devil, the devil was trying to co-opt the most alienated parts of her, the one who would be most susceptible to his influence. Then if those parts could take over and drive her bus, great harm would result. It was painful work. She felt in her bones what Fr. Jacques Philippe wrote on page 19 of her book: The negative aspect has to do with her sin, our deep-seated wretchedness. We only know these things truthfully in the light of God. Face-to-face with him, there is no longer any possible room for lies; no invasion, no excuse, no mask. We are compelled to recognize who we are, with their wounds, our weaknesses, or inconsistencies, selfishness, hard-heartedness, secret complicity with evil, and all the rest. But with that work came a sense of peace and joy, of being loved by God and Mary in all her parts. A realization that all her parts were good. A knowing that her parents did not have to love her any more than they did. God the Father and Mary her Mother are her primary parents. Susanna was able to get in touch with Life-Giving Wounds to work through the impact of her parents' divorce in a retreat and in a local chapter. And she began to pray and related with God and Mary in a completely different way. Good girl: I don't have to give up Catholicism. I just have to give up my flawed understanding of Catholicism. The Rewards She feared Brett would be devastated when she told him. He seemed more relieved. Trevor had told Brett that he thought Mom and Ray had been having an affair. Trevor had heard rumors and seen some interactions that made him suspicious. That was a blow to Susanna, that the affair was not nearly so secret as she imagined. Brett and Susanna were able to find a marital therapist to begin to work on their marriage in a more focused way. Not easy, there were limitations. The Road Back She hates her husband and loves him. Lots of work with the children. Trevor's anger. A sense of Providence. Resurrection / Return Two years later -- she was knocking at the door of her childhood home in Culpeper. Her father answered, surprised to see her. It's good to see you -- will you come in? he asked. She smiled at him and said: It's good to see you too, Dad. And for the first time in more than a quarter century, she meant it. Take a minute. Feedback welcome What you thought Your own story -- send it to me -- crisis@soulsandhearts.com IIC 102 The Last podcast, episode 100 was a great success in spite of some real technical failure. We have a learning curve with our technology, and we know some of you were not able to join us. We have resolved those issues. We will be meeting on Wednesday, December 14 from 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM Eastern time to record and experiential exercise on parts getting the love that they need. Need to register, here is a link, can get the link from our weekly reflections in your email inbox or in our archive at soulsandhearts.com/blog. Imagine how Susanna's experience would have been different if she had known about parts before encountering Ray -- or before marrying Brett? Resilient Catholic Community -- you do not have to be alone. 120 Catholics like you already on board, already on the pilgrimage Reopened December 1 -- new cohort, our St. Dymphna cohort. Until December 31. Check it out. Had a great meeting on December 1 and we will posting the recording very soon if it's not up already. Sign up soulsandhearts.com/rcc -- lots of information there I've brought together the best Get to know your own parts Get to love your own parts If interested, contact me. Crisis@soulsandhearts.com 317.567.9594 conversation hours 4:30 PM to 5:30 PM Eastern Time Every Tuesday and Thursday. (not November 24 which is Thanksgiving). Upcoming Sign up for the weekly reflection
Moving now into the portion of "On War" concerned directly with tactics and military strategy, Clausewitz begins by defining defense within his concept of war. There are many reasons to fight/play defensively, and Clausewitz attests that the defense is the superior of the two when compared to offense. There are many advantages conferred to the defender, like usually having the advantage of terrain. He doesn't argue for absolute defense, of course, but the use of defense as an active state, prepared to switch to offense at a moment's notice. In this way, and others, he claims the defense superior. Do you agree? Learn about these concepts and more as Dymphna and Sir Talon join Malark to examine Clausewitz's ideas on defense and offense. Support our Patreon! www.patreon.com/theartofwargaming Email: artofwargamingpodcast@gmail.com Facebook: @theartofwargamingpodcast Instagram: @artofwargamingpodcast Check out more of The Art of Wargaming at www.taowargaming.com Check out more earVVyrm podcasts at www.earvvyrm.com
In today's episode, on request, Mother Miriam talks about the life and death of St. Dymphna, the patron saint of mental health and anxiety issues.To help keep this and other programs on the air, please donate: https://give.lifesitenews.com/sustainlife?utm_source=mml_071822You can tune in daily at 10 am EST/7 am PST on our Facebook Page: http://FB.com/mothermiriamliveSubscribe to Mother Miriam Live at: http://bit.ly/submml See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Mother Miriam Live - July 18, 2022 Learning about the life of Saint Dymphna Overcoming deep emotional scars through God
St. Dymphna, and don't give up --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/lia-romero-y-vigil/support
Thinking Faith begins a new faith and mental health series featuring the Saints. Over the next few months, Deacon Eric highlights various saints whose intercessions can be particularly helpful for those struggling with mental health challenges and those who accompany them. Show Snippet: "St. Dymphna's intercessions can move us to deepen our own compassion, to seek an end to the negative stigmas surrounding mental health struggles, and to the realization that lasting change in our cultural approaches to mental health care requires the support of the whole community." For more information on Faith and Mental Health visit www.emmaussuport.ca
** Episode 33- Live on Electromagnetic Radio** ***TRACKLISTING*** 1. Rich...Yeah Yeah Yeahs 2. In My Dreams...Scanners 3. Low Life...Roland Orzabal 4. Hand To The Sound...Division Day 5. Simulation Swarm...Big Thief 6. Cool Kids...FIT 7. Hang Me Up To Dry...Cold War Kids 8. Satellite...Spoon 9. Love, Love, Love (Love, Love)...As Tall As Lions 10. Skin & Bones...The Sundays 11. Day For Night...Matthew Sweet 12. St. Dymphna...Nicole Atkins 13. Don't Do It...Courtney Barnett 14. House...Far Caspian 15. All The Money...The Winter Kids 16. Disposable Parts...Enon 17. Age of Consent...Neverending White Lights feat. Nick Hexum 18. Anytime...Neil Finn 19. Panic/Life On A Chain (live)...Pete Yorn 20. Ancient Walls of Flowers...Marcy Playground 21. Developing Active People...Via Audio 22. Things Will Be Fine...Metronomy 23. Laughing Boy...Duran Duran
Brenda talks with author Tommy Tighe about his new book, "St. Dymphna's Playbook: A Catholic Guide to Finding Mental and Emotional Well-Being. Purchase a copy from https://www.avemariapress.com/products/st-dymphnas-playbook (Ave Maria Press). Tommy Tighe's webpage and resources can be found https://www.catholichipster.com/ (here).
Catholic Hipster Tommy Tighe, St. Dympha's playbook, Finding mental and emotional well-being from a Catholic perspective. The post Tommy Tighe and St. Dymphna's Playbook for Mental Health appeared first on Greg and Jennifer Willits.
Liv Harrison cohosts our final show of 2021. Taylor & Liv share their two roses and a thorn after looking back on 2021 and discover the most popular slang word and inventions of the year they were born, graduating high school and getting married. It's fun to look back and see how far we have come! Tommy Tighe rejoins the show to discuss his newest book on Catholicism and mental health: St. Dymphna's Playbook. Tommy is a professional counselor by trade and combines that with his love of Catholicism to talk about improving our mental health through a combination of the two. From depression & anxiety to grief and relationships, this book covers it all. Happy New Year, y'all! Thanks for being a listener of the show in 2021 and beyond :) Subscribe/Rate Never miss out on the craziness of each episode by hitting the subscribe button RIGHT NOW! Help other people find the show and #MakeCatholicismFunAgain by taking a few moments to leave a review in your podcasting app. Thanks! YouTube Check out the show and other exclusive videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/fortecatholic Connect
Dymphna Boholt is quite an amazing woman. Founder of the “I love realestate” community, she runs real estate education courses for up-coming investors. She also owns a few of her own real estate businesses that she manages on the side. However she wasn't always on top of the world as she is now. Join us as we follow Dymphna on her life journey as she describes the highest and lowest points in her life that shaped her into who she is today. She explains how she went from being a single mum who lost everything in a messy divorce, to completely replacing her 60 hour work week income with a passive real estate salary instead. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Dymphna Boholt is quite an amazing woman. Founder of the “I love realestate” community, she runs real estate education courses for up-coming investors. She also owns a few of her own real estate businesses that she manages on the side. However she wasn't always on top of the world as she is now. Join us as we follow Dymphna on her life journey as she describes the highest and lowest points in her life that shaped her into who she is today. She explains how she went from being a single mum who lost everything in a messy divorce, to completely replacing her 60 hour work week income with a passive real estate salary instead. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Tricia has been trouble sleeping. Sandy turned to Saint Dymphna. She came through big! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/sandy-show1/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/sandy-show1/support
She was an Irish princess, famed for her beauty. She revolutionized the care of mental illness patients in Medieval Europe. Due to her father's impure obsession, she had to run away from home. Who is she? Find out more on "Heroes of the Faith" where we are inspired by the lives of the saints, so that we can become saints ourselves!
Jason & Kristina talk about their trip to Tacoma and Seattle, the homeless, and how St. Dymphna inspired a community in Belgium to care for the homeless for centuries.
Today, we're joined by friend-of-the-podcast, Fr. Benjamin Roberts, as he shares with us his beautiful devotion to St. Dymphna, the patron saint of anxiety, depression, Alzheimer's, and every other mental illness. Fr. Roberts tells us how St. Dymphna (and prayer in general) can help us with our mental health, as well as how we can help those suffering around us. Check out out full series with Fr. Roberts, and learn about how to bring God into our suffering, in The Meaning of Suffering.
Sharing her three core values - faith, service and excellence – Dymphna Menendez sat down with IIABCal Voices Host James Lott, Jr., to discuss the challenges and successes of advancing diversity and inclusion in the insurance industry. Dymphna is the Assistant Vice President for the Excess Work Comp team at Arch in Los Angeles and manages the western region. Prior to Arch, Dymphna was an underwriter at AIG, where she worked with senior leaders to promote and launched Latino and Queer groups in insurance. She is a board director of Gamma lota Sigma, a college academic fraternity organized to promote, encourage, and sustain student interest in insurance, risk management and actuarial science as professions.
Haven gets to know Wesley Pope, another survivor of the train shooting. Victor Blossem and Zoey Gibson identify the body they found. For more, visit www.suicidesaints.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Join the Social and meet Dymphna, a friend of those afflicted with mental illness!
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