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*DISCLAIMER* This episode covers adult topics that are not intended for young ears.   260. Sex After Cancer with Dr. Kris Christiansen   James 1:19 (NIV) My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,   **Transcription Below**   Questions We Discuss: What is common mis-information that you want to set straight as it relates to cancer and sex? If someone is walking their own cancer journey right now, what would you advise them to both do and avoid doing so that they can still enjoy the healthiest sex life possible with their spouse? What hope do you have to share with people who have battled cancer and still desire to connect intimately with their spouse?   Dr. Kris Christiansen is a board-certified family physician who specializes in sexual medicine. She attended medical school and completed her residency in family medicine at the University of Minnesota. She practiced full spectrum family medicine for 10 years and then pursued additional training to specialize in sexual medicine. She works as a sexual medicine specialist at two different clinics in the twin cities.   Her clinical interests include both male and female sexual dysfunction, and she loves working with individuals and couples to restore an important part of life. Dr. Christiansen is involved with teaching medical students and residents at the University of Minnesota Medical School, and she has presented at multiple local, national, and international medical conferences. She is involved with the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH) and serves on committees, collaborates with other experts to publish articles for medical journals, and edits informational articles for the society's new patient facing website. She is passionate about teaching patients, students, and colleagues about the importance of sexual health and well-being. In her free time, she started her own business called Intimate Focus which provides information and quality products to enhance and restore sexual health and wellness. She also enjoys shopping, hiking, and spending time with her family.   Dr. Kris Christiansen's Website   Previous Episodes featuring Dr. Kris Christiansen on The Savvy Sauce: 215 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part One with Dr. Kris Christiansen 216 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part Two with Dr. Kris Christiansen   Additional Place to Find More Episodes from The Savvy Sauce Related to This Topic: One-Stop Shop for Marriage and Intimacy Resources   Dr. Kris Christiansen's Recommended Websites for Sexual Health: The Menopause Society Mayo Clinic National Institutes of Health International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health American Urological Association International Society of Sexual Medicine Sexual Medicine Society of North America American Cancer Society ISSWSH International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health SMSNA Sexual Medicine Society of North America  ISSM International Society of Sexual Medicine The Menopause Society   Find a provider: For a women's sexual health provider, pelvic floor physical therapist, (non-Christian) sex therapist ABCST American Board of Christian Sex Therapists (for a Christian sex therapist)   Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website   Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and subscribing to this podcast!   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)   Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”   **Transcription**   Music: (0:00 – 0:09)   Laura Dugger: (0:10 - 1:22) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.    Leman Property Management Co. has the apartment you will be able to call home, with over 1,700 apartment units available in Central Illinois.   Visit them today at lemanproperties.com or connect with them on Facebook.    Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message.   Not many people specialize in the same thing as our returning guest for today, Dr. Kris Christiansen. She specializes in sexual medicine, and today she's going to provide clarity, information, and direction for how to maximize sexual pleasure with our spouse after one receives a cancer diagnosis. Here's our chat.   Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Dr. Christiansen.   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (1:23 - 1:30) Well, thank you so much, Laura. We had so much fun last time, and I'm looking forward to this conversation again today.   Laura Dugger: (1:31 - 1:57) Likewise. I feel the same way. And it really wasn't that long ago that you were on The Savvy Sauce two times, so I'll make sure and link to both of those episodes in the show notes for today.   But hopefully everybody's already well acquainted with you, and that's why we're just kind of diving right into our topic today. So, for starters, how did this topic of sex after cancer become an interest of yours to study?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (2:00 - 2:32) Well, so Laura, my job as a sexual medicine physician is that I work with both men and women and helping them with their sexual lives when they have problems or whatever. So, cancer is often a big part of that. So, through my journey with work, I've just developed a significant interest in learning how to really care for people to help restore this important part of life.   Laura Dugger: (2:33 - 2:52) Absolutely, because a lot is taken away when somebody gets that awful diagnosis, and so I'm very grateful for people like you who are experts. But is there any common misinformation that you would like to set straight as it relates to cancer and sex?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (2:55 - 6:42) Well, interesting you say that, because there is so much misinformation out there just about sex in general. And then when we throw cancer in on top of that, it just makes it even more complicated. So, I think a common fear that people experience when they get that diagnosis that they hope they never hear, the C word, is that it's going to have a significant impact on their sexual intimacy.   And you know what, it can, but that doesn't mean that that chapter in life is closed. We just have to remember that sexual intimacy is much, much broader than just intercourse. So, if we can refer to this as PIV sex, penis in vagina sex, many people view it as kind of an all or none thing.   If they can't have vaginal intercourse or that PIV sex, then they don't want anything at all. Unfortunately, that just rules out or shuts out so much of sexual intimacy that God has intended for us. We may not be able to engage in the same activities for a time or even long term, but that doesn't mean that we can't connect.   So, if we try to remember that intimacy, sexual intimacy is all about giving and receiving pleasure, then there are so many more opportunities. So, we have to get beyond the fact that sexual intimacy, sexual intercourse is just vaginal intercourse because it's not. It's giving and receiving pleasure.   And however people want to connect or comfortable connecting, that they can still enjoy a very fruitful sex life. The other thing that is misunderstood and misconceptions is estrogen, vaginal estrogen, especially. Because, well, all women who enter menopause and you're in menopause for the rest of your life do experience some changes.   And it's so common that women experience the genital urinary syndrome of menopause. That's vaginal atrophy, or when the tissues get drier and thinner and there can be tearing and pain as well as bleeding and decreased sensation, decreased sensitivity. These things are common with aging, but oftentimes cancer treatments emphasize that or accelerate it or make it even worse.   And vaginal estrogen is really, really safe. It does not cause cancer. And most of the studies show that even in women who have breast cancer, that it doesn't cause recurrence.   So vaginal estrogen, being so safe, can really save our vaginas. And we're talking about vaginal health and bladder health. It's not just about sex, but it helps keep our bodies functioning properly and minimizing pain and discomfort.   So, if a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer and she's on treatment, then obviously we have to talk to the oncologist, make sure they're okay with that. But we get more and more studies showing it's safety and it's definitely effective and can help keep our tissues young.   Laura Dugger: (6:42 - 7:25) This is really helpful and brand new information to me. So someone, like you used that example, if they have breast cancer diagnosis and there's different types, but if they're doing the treatment where perhaps they go into early menopause or they have a hysterectomy or remove their ovaries and they even have an estrogen blocker so that they're not producing estrogen, for that type, you're still saying as long as you're working with the oncologist for that personal client, even in those situations, vaginal estrogen, which would be, I'm assuming, more of a cream or something you insert to the vagina, is that right? That that would be safe?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (7:25 - 10:55) So, where it gets a little gray is if the woman is taking an aromatase inhibitor, which is the estrogen blocker. So, it pretty much wipes all estrogen out of her system. There's a little more risk there.   So most definitely we need to double check with the oncologist. But it often comes down to quality of life. I have a patient who, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, I believe, in her early 60s.   And she came to me at the sexual medicine clinic and she was just miserable. I mean, when we think of vaginal dryness, you think of, okay, it's annoying. You use a lubricant, right, and it's going to be just fine.   In the beginning, yes, that's the case. But this genital urinary syndrome of menopause, GSM, gets worse with time, especially with those anti-estrogen treatments. And for this poor woman, she couldn't exercise.   She loved to go hiking. She loved to go skiing. And just any kind of movement was painful.   And we don't think of that. We kind of take it for granted. But for some women who really experience severe side effects of the breast cancer treatments and causing dryness and irritation, it affects everything.   And for her, we tried all the non-hormonal things first. They didn't work. And her oncologist gave us the blessing saying, you know, we tried it.   This is really important to you. Let's give it a try. And so, we've monitored her, and the vaginal estrogen hasn't caused any problems.   So, a couple points on that. With the vaginal estrogen, yes, it comes as a cream. There's a tablet, which is like a little pill with an applicator that you insert in the vagina.   There are vaginal inserts. They look like little caplets that you just insert with the finger. There's a vaginal ring.   But with the localized treatment, it's meant to just act locally, meaning just on the vaginal tissues. And, oh, package insert. So, you know, here we tell patients, vaginal estrogen is safe.   Don't worry. It's not going to cause cancer, heart attack, strokes, or blood clots. But then they go home.   They get their prescription. They open up the patient insert, package insert, and it talks about risks and bad things that can happen and side effects. Unfortunately, the FDA says we have to use the class labeling or the side effects that are associated with systemic estrogen.   And it automatically gets applied to the localized or vaginal estrogen treatments. So, patients go home, they read that, and they think we're lying to them. But, unfortunately, it's just very misleading because we have plenty of studies to show that vaginal estrogen doesn't cause those terrible things.   And it's very safe. So, they just have to trust us. And there are groups and people out there trying to work with the FDA to get that class labeling effect removed because it just scares everybody away from using estrogen, which can be so helpful.   Laura Dugger: (10:57 - 11:04) Wow, that is helpful. Is there any other common misinformation you want to make sure we don't overlook before we continue on?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (11:05 - 11:29) Well, I made a few notes here. No, I don't think so. Except that media, television, and all that other stuff that we see out there is so misleading when it comes to sexual intimacy.   Because sex in real life doesn't look like what you see in the movies. Yeah.   Laura Dugger: (11:30 - 11:45) Great, great point. And so, when somebody does get, like you said, that dreaded C-word diagnosis, what's a common path that they may experience as it affects them sexually?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (11:48 - 14:00) Well, so, the different cancers are so different and treatments are so different that it's hard to generalize for everybody. But, you know, first thing most people experience is fear. What's this mean for me?   What's this mean for my life, my family? Am I going to be around in five years? So, it's that fear.   And the initial part of that journey is often involved with meeting with lots of doctors, having all the tests, trying to figure out what's going on, what we're going to do. And sexual intimacy often isn't part of that first steps that they take. So, but when things kind of finally settle down, then those questions start popping up.   What does this mean? It's important to talk with your cancer journey, your cancer team, the oncology team to find out what's going on. And it's important to ask all these questions because doctors really aren't very good about asking about sexual health and what that means to you.   Oncologists, generally speaking, they want to treat the cancer and their job is done when the cancer is treated, under control, gone, whatever. And they've done a good job. However, so many of us are just left afterwards saying, okay, thanks, cancer's gone, but now what?   And so, it's a matter of really trying to figure out what's important over time, learning what's going to work and what's not. And know that there are people out there to help you and that want to help you if it's not going as planned. You know, I just want to reiterate that people really need to advocate for themselves and they need to ask questions.   And if they're not getting the answers that they want, don't give up because there are people, organizations, information out there that can be helpful. So rather than just worrying about what's next, seek help.   Laura Dugger: (14:02 - 14:18) That's really great advice. And I think this may be an appropriate place to pause and just get some of those recommended places. Because if somebody, this is new to them and they don't know where to turn, do you have any places or websites off the top of your mind that you would recommend?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (14:20 - 15:41) Well, so cancer.org, the American Cancer Society has a lot of resources on there. When it comes to menopause-type symptoms and such, menopause.org is the Menopause Society, which has a lot of information. And a website called PROSAYLA, it's P-R-O-S-A-Y-L-A.com, is a website that's managed by ISHWISH.   We've got all these acronyms. The International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health. So that is my go-to.   Okay, so that's the organization where there's so much research and science and such happening. And the PROSAYLA.org or prosayla.com, either one works, is a website where there are several articles written by experts in the field. So, these are articles backed by science.   It's not just somebody's opinion or somebody's blog. And I know there's an article on there about sex or cancer and sexuality. So, some generalities and some other references on that site too.   Laura Dugger: (15:42 - 15:51) Okay, that is super helpful information. We'll make sure and add links to those places as well. Anything else that you want to make sure we don't miss?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (15:52 - 17:36) Well, when we talk about sexual concerns or sexual problems, we always try to approach it from a biopsychosocial aspect. Because those three different entities all play a big role in what works well and what doesn't. So, from the biological section, that's pain, medications, nerve problems, chronic medical problems.   So obviously cancer plays a big role in that. And with cancer treatments and such, pain may be part of that, nausea, fatigue. And so, we just don't feel the same going through these treatments because it's really hard.   As far as the psych bubble, I'm usually referencing a Venn diagram here. Psychological, so when we experience anxiety or depression or performance anxiety, that plays a big role. So, we need to take a step back and realize that what happens up here in our brain has a huge impact on how our bodies function physically.   And then as far as the social aspect, that's our relationships, our interpersonal relationships with our partner, our spouse, with our family and how things are going on at work. A cancer diagnosis and treatment can affect all of those. And so, it's not just a magic pill to improve your libido because if we don't treat all these other things, people continue to struggle with their sexual function.   Laura Dugger: (18:01 - 19:46) Duplexes, studios and garden style options located in many areas throughout Pekin. In Peoria, a historic downtown location and apartments adjacent to the OSF Medical Center provide excellent choices. 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Check them out on Facebook today or email their friendly staff at Leasing@LemanProps.com. You can also stop by their website at lemanproperties.com.   That's LEMANproperties.com. Check them out and find your place to call home today.    Also, Dr. Kris, are there any certain cancers or treatments that have the most detrimental impact on a person's sex life?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (19:48 - 23:15) We know that cancers that affect the breast, for women, but men too get breast cancer, and also the genital area have the biggest impact. We've talked a fair amount about breast cancer. Many of the treatments for breast cancer result in early menopause.   If a woman is premenopausal when this happens, menopause can have a definite impact. The treatments can cause the pain and dryness and decrease sensitivity. Also, if surgery is involved in a mastectomy, it can affect our own body self-image.   From a more physical standpoint too, when we have the mastectomy and those nerves are cut, it decreases the sensitivity. For a lot of women, breast stimulation is really important as part of their sexual play. If now her breasts are gone and she can't feel anything when her husband is touching her breasts, that can be a really hard adjustment.   Any cancers that affect the genital area, uterine cancer, ovarian cancer, or anal rectal cancer for both men and women, and prostate cancer for men, those all have a huge impact. In addition to working with a lot of women who have breast cancer and overcoming and improving those areas, I work with a lot of men who have prostate cancer. Those treatments usually result in erection problems and urinary incontinence, which can be hard to deal with.   Men who have a prostatectomy, so if they have their prostate removed, then 100% of them are going to have erectile dysfunction in the beginning. It's going to take time for those nerves to recover, and it may take up to two years to see that full recovery. In those first few months when I'm working with men, I'm trying to be their cheerleader, saying, don't lose hope, don't give up, because this is going to get better.   It just takes time for those nerves to regrow. In the process, though, it is important to do whatever we can to make sure that that tissue stays healthy. Remember that the penis is actually muscle, muscle tissue, smooth muscle.   If we don't use a muscle for several months, atrophy sets in, which is a bad thing. With atrophy, the penis can shrink in size, and scar tissue potentially can set in, and it just makes that recovery less optimal than what it would have been. Trying to maintain the blood flow during those first few months or first year is really helpful.   Just to help maintain the blood flow and the oxygen to help keep the tissues healthy, so when the tenders do recover as best as they're going to, we get the best outcome.   Laura Dugger: (23:16 - 23:36) This may be an ignorant question, but then if erectile issues are present during that first time period, but it's crucial to have the blood flow to that area, what can men do to increase blood flow there, even if erection is difficult or impossible?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (23:36 - 25:01) That's a great question. Taking a medication like Viagra or Cialis. Cialis is my favorite because it stays in the system for a good 36 to 48 hours every time you take it.   If you're just taking a low dose every day, it just encourages a little bit of that blood flow every day. Using a vacuum device, which I just happen to have one right here, looks like this. A penis goes inside the cylinder, we create a vacuum or suction, and it pulls the blood flow in.   It's not the most sexy thing, but using it and using the vacuum device several times a week just to get that blood flow going is a very helpful way to keep the tissues healthy. Getting an erection with the vacuum doesn't get those arousal-type feelings, so it looks a little weird, but it does work. For men who want to use this for sexual activity, you can get the erection within the tube, and then it comes with these tight rings that are stretched over the edge of the cylinder.   Once you get the full erection within the tube, you slide that ring off to maintain the erection.   Laura Dugger: (25:04 - 25:14) That's incredible just to pause and think of God's grace and these inventions and how incredible that there are solutions. Please continue, but I find that encouraging.   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (25:16 - 27:39) There are all kinds of encouraging things, but if you're in the middle of this journey, it can be sometimes hard to keep going when you're not getting the results that you want to. But we believe in a big God, and he created sexual intimacy, and it's a gift. Other ways to help manage erectile dysfunction and a couple other show-and-tell things here.   This medication is called Muse. The actual medication is a pellet that comes preloaded in this applicator. You insert it in the tip of the penis, the medication gets absorbed, and 10 minutes later, magic happens.   I don't prescribe this very often because it's really, really expensive, a little harder to find. But the advantage to this medication is that it doesn't need the nerves to work, whereas the medications like Viagra and Cialis, they need the nerves. Guys usually kind of turn white when I pull this out.   For our listeners, I'm holding an insulin syringe and needle. There is such a treatment where you can actually inject a tiny amount of medicine directly into the penis, and it will give you an erection. I tell men that with the pills like Viagra and Cialis, just in general with ED, it works in about 60% of men.   We can get this to work, the injections to work, in 90-95%. It's such a tiny needle that men say it feels like a poke or a pinch once they get past that initial shock that they think is going to hurt. The usual response is, oh, that wasn't so bad, and it's very effective.   This can work within four to six weeks, so whenever your surgeon says it's okay to engage in sexual activity again, this will work. Then last but not least is a penile implant. That's surgery, and that you have to wait at least a year, if not two, after the prostate surgery.   That works in 99.99%. Wow.   Laura Dugger: (27:40 - 27:56) We were focusing a lot on men for that one. Is there any medication or any other injections or anything like that for women, other than the vaginal cream or different ways to get estrogen in the vagina?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (27:58 - 31:15) Yes, we've got all kinds of treatments. If a woman has breast cancer, or for whatever reason we want to avoid hormones as much as possible, then generally we're starting with a vaginal moisturizer, which is different than a lubricant. A lubricant is just for sexual activity and just to make things slipperier and feel better.   That often helps in the beginning, but as the GSM or the atrophy continues, the lubricant isn't enough. A moisturizer, think of like a facial moisturizer or a moisturizer for your hand, in order for it to work, you have to use it regularly, which is probably at least three times a week. These moisturizers can come in forms of a liquid that gets injected.   They're little capsules that you can insert. Reveri is a hyaluronic acid suppository, which you insert in the vagina and over time that can be really helpful. One of my favorites is this Rosebud Everyday Balm.   It's a really nice balm that you can put on the tissues inside the lips and inside the vagina. It's just really, really soothing. Again, you've got to use these things regularly.   It will take a good two months at least to see the full effect, so it doesn't work right away. Just like with the guys where they've got to be patient with the nerves, we have to be persistent and patient with things that can work. A vaginal moisturizer is really helpful.   A lubricant for sexual activity. There are over-the-counter and prescription medications that can help with arousal and orgasm. There are two approved medications for the treatment of low libido in premenopausal women.   One is Addi, which is a pill that you take every day, also known as the pink pill. Another treatment is Vilece, which is an injection. It comes in a pen, so you never see the needle and really don't feel the needle.   You give it to yourself about 45 minutes to an hour before sexual activity. Both of these medications are working on the brain chemistry because the brain is the biggest sex organ in the body. It's the most important sex organ.   It works on the brain chemistry and improving the dopamine and norepinephrine and the good sex positive hormones. Like I said, it's only approved for premenopausal women, but many of us do prescribe it for postmenopausal women. We have studies to show that it's safe and it's effective.   The drug companies didn't go through with all the rigmarole they had to do to get the FDA-approved indication for that. We've got all kinds of tricks up our sleeve.   Laura Dugger: (31:16 - 31:26) Absolutely. Just piggybacking on that, they wouldn't oftentimes follow through on all those studies, would you say primarily because of financial restraints?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (31:27 - 31:41) Totally. To get a medication approved for female sexual function, it's multi-million, if not a billion dollars. Studies and everything that needs to be done, it's crazy.   That's why these meds are so expensive.   Laura Dugger: (31:42 - 32:14) Then you also mentioned earlier bringing in the quality of life. There are so many options to consider, but such a personal basis. I had another question that arose.   You kind of were answering that because this one works with the brain chemistry. I'm thinking the body parts may be functioning and you can do different things to have an erection or be aroused with your genitalia, but how is desire affected with cancer?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (32:16 - 35:03) It's huge, unfortunately. Again, if we go back to that biopsychosocial model and for everything to work well, everything's got to be working well. If we have pain, of course that drives down desire.   We use the analogy of putting your hand on a hot stove. Pain with sex can hurt just as badly as that. I have women tell me it's 10 out of 10 pain feels like shards of glass.   Obviously, that's not pleasant. If we compare that to putting your hand on a hot stove, why in the world would you want to do that? We've got to take care of the pain.   When it comes to pain, it becomes imprinted in the brain and the body responds by just amplifying that pain. You've got more pain and you have less desire. Part of GSM or surgery or chemotherapy and other treatments, radiation, can affect the nerves.   We don't get those positive sensations and the arousal anymore. There's arousal in the brain as well as arousal in the genital area. If we're not getting that positive feedback that this just isn't fun anymore, it's hard to get enthused about engaging in that.   Sex therapy can be really helpful. Sex therapy isn't going to fix thin tissues, but a sex therapist is very skilled and trained at working with people and working with couples on trying to process this, working through the process and the changes that are happening. Sometimes it is a permanent change in sexual function, so there's grief involved.   Helping to process through some of that is really important. But again, if we take a step back and remember that sexual intimacy is more than just PIV sex, that there are all kinds of ways to be able to give and receive pleasure, as long as each person is comfortable with this. And moving beyond the thinking that, well, if I can't have intercourse, I'm not going to have anything at all, then that may mean you might not have anything at all for the rest of your life.   That makes me sad. We just have to take a step back, work through some of this, because it's a journey, it's a cancer journey, it's an aging journey, and try to make the most of it.   Laura Dugger: (35:04 - 36:32) I want to make sure that you're up to date with our latest news. We have a new website. You can visit thesavvysauce.com and see all of the latest updates. You may remember Francie Hinrichsen from episode 132, where we talked about pursuing our God-given dreams. She is the amazing businesswoman who has carefully designed a brand-new website for Savvy Sauce Charities, and we are thrilled with the final product. So, I hope you check it out.   There you're going to find all of our podcasts, now with show notes and transcriptions listed, a scrapbook of various previous guests, and an easy place to join our email list to receive monthly encouragement and questions to ask your loved ones so that you can have your own practical chats for intentional living. You will also be able to access our donation button or our mailing address for sending checks that are tax deductible so that you can support the work of Savvy Sauce Charities and help us continue to reach the nations with the good news of Jesus Christ. So, make sure you visit thesavvysauce.com.   What are some of those examples for someone if they can't have PIV sex anymore? What are ways that you encourage continuing to build intimacy and a knowing of one another and offering and receiving pleasure?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (36:34 - 41:17) Well, starting with making sure each person is on the same page as far as what they're comfortable with. Okay? Communication is key.   To be able to talk about what you want, what you desire, what your needs are, and listening to your partner say that same thing, trying to make no judgments and not forcing anybody into anything, but just so that we can help understand each other. And when it comes to actual giving and receiving pleasure, whether that's with manual stimulation, with your hands, with your fingers, or if you have a massager, oral stimulation, using a vibrator. And a vibrator can be really helpful for women in menopause, women dealing with cancer treatments, and also for men if they need a little extra help with the stimulation because their nerves aren't working so well.   A vibrator, using it together in the context of giving and receiving pleasure can help, just help with the response, help with the enjoyment, and make it a little more fun, as long as everybody's okay with that. Using a lubricant is really important. And a good lubricant, you want to use a good lubricant because some of the more common ones, unfortunately, have ingredients in them that can actually hurt or irritate.   And like KY and Astroglide, sorry to name names here, but they're basic water-based lubricants, have either glycerin, parabens, or propylene glycol in them, and those can irritate, so we want to try to avoid those. A silicone-based lubricant doesn't have those preservatives, and it stays slippery longer. Where we have to be careful with that is that if you're using a silicone tool, otherwise known as a vibrator, you don't want to use those together because it can ruin the tool.   And if the man is struggling with ED, using too much, especially of a silicone lubricant, can make it too slippery. And too slippery is not so good for him. Oil-based lubricants, they're very nice, except if you're using condoms, it will degrade the condom and create other problems, potentially.   Other ways to stimulate, manually, orally, and when women have pain with intercourse, I'm going to bring in another show-and-tell here, the pain is often coming from the vulva, not so much in the vagina. We talk about vaginal dryness and vaginal atrophy, but the part that's most sensitive is often just right inside the little lips here. And so, if we have terrible pain with penetration, we want to avoid that.   However, the whole surrounding vulvar area is very rich in nerves, can be very much stimulated, and it can feel really good, however each person is comfortable stimulating that area. And another fun fact is that this entire structure is the clitoris. You know, when we think of the clitoris, we think of the glands, this tiny little magic button right here, which, by the way, has 10,000 nerve endings in it.   It's incredible. But the legs, the legs are the cruise of the clitoris, as well as the bulbs. They come down on either side of the vagina.   So, the vagina is here. However, this part of the clitoris can easily be stimulated, so the legs of the clitoris can be easily stimulated, just inside the labia majora, or the outer lips. So, using a vibrator here can be really pleasurable, and you're avoiding the part that hurts.   So, stimulating externally the clitoris, the labia, and wherever else feels good can be very fun. And so, if you try to approach it may be like a game, making it fun and exploring each other's bodies so that you can really figure out ways to make the other person feel good or experience pleasure without causing pain.   Laura Dugger: (41:18 - 41:43) That's so great. And like you had mentioned, if they go see a Christian sex therapist, they would say the same thing as you to stop when there is pain, because it just makes it worse over time. And so, I love that you've given us other options, if that is the case.   Is there ever a time where orgasm is no longer possible after cancer?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (41:46 - 43:14) It's possible. Yes. Depending on the cancer and the treatment, that it can make it really difficult or even impossible to get there.   But that's where we want to not focus on orgasm as the ultimate goal, because if we engage in sexual activity with orgasm as the ultimate goal, your brain's not going to let you go there, whether it's the male or the female, either one, the brain is the biggest sex organ in the body. Just trying to go for the gold just won't let you get there. So, you have to relax and enjoy the journey regardless.   So even if the cancer or the treatment didn't necessarily affect orgasm or if it's just our brains, my encouragement is to approach a sexual encounter as an experience. Enjoy the experience. It's not a performance.   We don't want to perform because then we get in our head, and we get nervous and our muscles all tighten up. So, we don't want to perform. We want to enjoy the experience, and it can be very pleasurable.   Even if orgasm isn't part of the picture anymore, it doesn't mean you can't have fun and can't connect because you can.   Laura Dugger: (43:15 - 43:25) But then I guess also to offer the hope, if I ask it a different way, are there times that orgasm is still possible after a cancer diagnosis?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (43:27 - 44:01) Absolutely. We always have hope. We always have hope.   Just because you're diagnosed with cancer doesn't mean you're not going to be able to engage in PIV sex or be able to experience an orgasm because that's always a possibility. Don't focus on just getting to the big orgasm. You want to slow down, enjoy the journey, and oftentimes it will come.   There are medications that help with blood flow, that help with arousal and orgasm, and sometimes they can be helpful. Sometimes they're not, but usually it doesn't hurt to try them.   Laura Dugger: (44:02 - 44:26) There you go. That's a very helpful reminder. It's a piece of the puzzle, not the whole thing.   But if someone right now is walking through their own cancer journey, what else would you advise them both to do and to avoid doing so that they can still enjoy the healthiest sex life possible with their spouse?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (44:29 - 47:19) That's going to involve several pieces. One, first and foremost, maintain the communication about wants and desires, what hurts, what doesn't, what can we do, what do you want to try tonight? Maintaining the communication.   It's much better to prevent problems like the vaginal dryness and pain than to try to treat it after you've been dealing with it for years sometimes, or even months. If you have, say, breast cancer, just getting in the habit of using one of those vaginal moisturizers from the get-go even before the dryness starts can help prevent problems. Seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist can be really, really helpful.   A pelvic floor physical therapist is a physical therapist who specializes in these pelvic floor muscles that help support everything on the inside. And so if these muscles are too tight, causes pain, and if they're already too tight, doing tangles is the last thing that you want to do, because sometimes it means being able to relax them. Or women who have, who need pelvic radiation, say for uterine cancer, the gynecologic oncologist is usually really good about giving you a vaginal dilator and to use it, but they're not always really good at telling you exactly how to use it, how frequently and how long, so be sure and ask.   Because again, we want to maintain the integrity of the tissues, because it's better to maintain them than try to get it back. That's often quite hard. For guys, especially with prostate cancer, it means participating in that, we call it penile rehabilitation.   So, it's basically physical therapy for the penis. You know, its muscle, so we want to keep that muscle healthy and to help maintain healthy tissues. And just trying to be as good to ourselves as we can, giving ourselves and our partners grace when we need it, because it's a journey and it's not an easy one.   But we believe in a big God and he's there to help us through this and he delights when husband and wife can unite as one, whatever that looks like. And it makes him happy and he's there to try to keep this going for us.   Laura Dugger: (47:21 - 47:40) And you may have already answered this question with that, but I love how you're always encouraging and gentle and full of hope. So, any other hope that you want to share with anyone who's battled cancer or is in the midst of their journey, but they're still desiring to connect intimately with their spouse?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (47:47 - 48:33) Sometimes it means asking for help. So, for finding a provider, whether that's a therapist, a gynecologist, a sexual medicine provider, or even your pastor counselor to help you through this. In the show notes, we'll put in websites where you can find a provider because not everybody is educated.   Hardly anybody's educated on this, unfortunately. But there are people out there throughout the country, throughout the world, where you can find to help guide you on this journey. Don't suffer in silence.   We're here to help. So be sure to reach out so we can help you.   Laura Dugger: (48:33 - 48:50) That's so good, Dr. Christiansen. And are there any other proactive measures that all of us can take to set us up for a healthy sex life into aging or any diagnoses that we may get in the future?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (48:53 - 50:38) Well, treating our body like a temple, like God says. We have to take good care of ourselves. And just in general, going for your preventative visits and checking your cholesterol and your blood sugar and your blood pressure and screening for cancer so we can prevent them or catch them really early.   And it's so much easier to treat. But things like smoking and diabetes and being overweight and high blood pressure, high cholesterol, they impact sexual function very negatively, especially smoking. Guys are still surprised when I tell them, or I show them a picture of a cigarette with ashes that are kind of wilting off the end.   This is your penis. This is what happens with smoking. Okay.   So quitting smoking. And in women, we have those same little blood vessels and nerves that men do. And so not taking care of ourselves as far as weight, exercise and diabetes and all that stuff, that affects our sexual function, too.   So just making sure that we take a proactive stance on just taking really good care of our medical and our mental health because that's so important. And our spiritual health. Can't forget that, too.   Yeah. Just, you know, taking care of ourselves because aging does impact sexual function. As we get older, our endurance isn't quite what it used to be.   Certainly not as flexible as we used to be. Things kind of hurt. Achy joints and whatever.   So, the more we can take care of ourselves, the more we can enjoy that sexual intimacy, which does involve a little bit of physical exertion.   Laura Dugger: (50:39 - 51:03) Absolutely. Well, you've shared a lot of places where we can go to seek help. But I would love to know where we can continue to learn from you or a website where people can find out more of your offerings because you mentioned not many people are educated in this field or on this topic, but you are a great resource.   So where would you direct all of us after this chat?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (51:05 - 52:23) Well, I started my own business called Intimate Focus, Intimate-Focus.com. Where my goal is to offer education and quality products that people can use to help equip them and enhance sexual intimacy. As part of my clinical career where I see patients, we'd often talk about using a good lubricant or getting a vibrator to help with those nerves that just aren't quite as effective anymore.   And so many times they told me they were just not comfortable going to an adult store or they didn't want to purchase them on Amazon because it could be a shared account and kids or whatever may see what they're ordering. So, this is a private and secure site and I don't even know how to sell your email so don't worry, that's not going to happen. Where you can purchase good quality products, I vet them out myself to make sure that they don't contain the ingredients that I encourage women to avoid and no pictures with nudity or anything like that because I want it to be a comfortable space or at least as comfortable as we can make it for everybody.   Laura Dugger: (52:24 - 52:43) Wonderful. Well, I'll certainly link that in the show notes as well. And Dr. Christiansen, you are already a friend of The Savvy Sauce, so you know that we're called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so, as my final question for you today, what is your Savvy Sauce?   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (52:46 - 53:15) Well, you know, James in the Bible is a very practical kind of guy and I love his advice that we should all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. And if we were all able to do that or at least just a little more of that, I think our world would be a much better place to live.   Laura Dugger: (53:16 - 53:42) This is so good. I cannot hear that verse enough and I just truly look so forward to the times that I get to spend with you. You are such a calming presence full of wisdom.   That's what we prayed for before we had the recording begin for today. And I am just overflowing with gratitude. So, thank you, Dr. Christiansen, for all that you've shared. Thank you so much for being my returning guest.   Dr. Kris Christiansen: (53:43 - 53:48) Well, thank you, Laura. This has been great. It's an honor to be on your show.   Laura Dugger: (53:50 - 57:32) One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term gospel before?   It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news.   Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there is absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved.   We need a savior. But God loved us so much, he made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him.   That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus.   We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says, “That if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” So, would you pray with me now?   Heavenly Father, thank you for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to you. Will you clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare you as Lord of their life?   We trust you to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.   If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring him for me, so me for him. You get the opportunity to live your life for him. And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason.   We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So, you ready to get started? First, tell someone.   Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes & Noble and let me choose my own Bible.   I selected the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. You can start by reading the book of John. Also, get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ.   I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps, such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you. We want to celebrate with you too, so feel free to leave a comment for us here if you did make a decision to follow Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read scripture that describes this process.   And finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, “In the same way I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.   And if you've already received this good news, I pray you have someone to share it with. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

This morning on The Greg & Dan Show, Sandy Garza the president of the Junior League of Peoria joined us over the phone to talk about some upcoming events.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On this week's episode of Out and About, Dr. Mae Gilliland of ArtsPartners of Central Illinois talks with artist Lori Reed about the Harvard Avenue Artists Show, now on view through the end of April at Exhibit A Gallery in Peoria Heights.

257. Mother Daughter Relationship During Teen Years and Beyond with Sandra Stanley and Allie Stanley Cooney   "Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:8a NIV   **Transcription Below**   Sandra Stanley received her Bachelor of Science degree from Georgia Tech and Master of Arts from Dallas Theological Seminary. Sandra has a heart for foster kids and foster families, as she and Andy have been foster parents since 2010. Her ministry passion is promoting foster care in the local church. Much of her time these days is spent working on various writing projects and continuing her involvement with Fostering Together, the foster care initiative of North Point Ministries. Connect with her online:   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sandrawstanley  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sandra.w.stanley/   X: https://twitter.com/sandrawstanley   Website: https://www.sandrastanley.com/   Allie Stanley Cooney graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Communication. She completed the North Point Residency program and simultaneously earned a Masters of Christian Education degree from Dallas Theological Seminary. With a decade of experience guiding students along their spiritual journeys, Allie is passionate about empowering middle school, high school and college students to embrace a life devoted to following Jesus wholeheartedly. She has a heart for middle school and high school students and can often be spotted at any number of local coffee shops pouring into girls in those seasons of life.   Connect with her on socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alliekaycooney   X: https://twitter.com/alliekaystanley    Questions and Topics We Cover: How can understanding the three potential relationship stages help these daughters navigate relationships with friends and with boys? When we coach our daughters through developing friendships, what questions do you suggest we ask for clarification and what Scripture do you share for understanding our responsibility within friendships? I love how you both emphasize alone time with Jesus. How can we learn and apply this?   Other Episodes Mentioned from The Savvy Sauce: 200 Planting Seeds of Faith in Our Children with Courtney DeFeo 196 Parenting for the Relationship with Sandra Stanley   Related Episodes on The Savvy Sauce: Parenting the Prodigal Child And God's Desire For Redemption With Mother-Daughter Duo, Claire Stanfill and Tindell Baldwin Effective Parenting for Toddlers Through College with Wife, Mother to 8, and The Exchange Founder, Elizabeth Pehrson Intentional Questions to Ask Our Kids with Susan Seay 207 Cultivating Character in Our Children with Cynthia Yanof 212 School Series: Benefits of Homeschooling with Jodi Mockabee 217 Tween/Teen Females: How to Navigate Changes during Puberty with Dr. Jennifer Degler 220 Cultivating Healthy Family Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman   Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website   Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and subscribing to this podcast!   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)   Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”   **Transcription**   Music: (0:00 – 0:08)   Laura Dugger: (0:09 - 1:46) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Duggar, and I'm so glad you're here.    Leman Property Management Co. has the apartment you will be able to call home, with over 1,700 apartment units available in Central Illinois. Visit them today at lemanproperties.com or connect with them on Facebook.    I am so excited to get to host these guests, Sandra Stanley and her daughter, Allie Stanley Cooney. They have co-authored this amazing book entitled, Meet Me in the Middle, and throughout it I just loved their sense of humor. I appreciated their witty comments that had me laughing in the middle of their stories, but I also appreciate the practicality this book has to offer.   If you think back, Courtney DeFeo was a previous guest and we discussed the treasured Bible study, which is a great thing for mothers to walk through with their tween daughters, maybe girls of approximately ages 10 to 12, so I'll make sure and link that episode in the show notes, but today's book that we're kind of emphasizing is really good as that next step to highlight perhaps with your junior high or high school daughter. It's a beautiful book because you get really both real perspectives of the mother and the daughter from two drastically different angles, and that's kind of what our conversation is gonna look like today as I get to interview mother-daughter duo, Sandra and Allie. Here's our chat.   Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Sandra and Allie.   Sandra Stanley: (1:59 - 2:03) Thank you for having us.    Allie Stanley Cooney: Thank you for having us. We're excited to be here.   Sandra Stanley: We really are.   Laura Dugger: (2:04 - 2:13) Well, I would love for us to just begin with the two of you sharing some of the hardest and sweetest phases that you've walked through in your own mother-daughter relationship.   Sandra Stanley: (2:14 - 4:00) Okay, well, let's see. Allie, this is funny and this kind of weaves through probably every question, but we are wired very differently from each other, and I am more analytical, efficient, organized, you know, all that. Allie is so creative and just spontaneous, and she is the best content creator and all of that kind of stuff, and I obsess over the details of did I capitalize everything and spell everything, and so while that has been amazing in this project working together because we kind of, you know, can just sort of coach each other along in our strengths, there were some times along the way in when she was growing up that that would just naturally cause some clashes, and that is mostly on me because I have a hard time understanding why efficiency didn't make it to the fruits of the spirit list, and you know, in parenting, efficiency is not the goal. The relationship is the goal, and I would switch those sometimes and err on the side of trying to be efficient, so often when we had those difficult times, it was on me, not her, because of all that kind of stuff, so the sweetest part, though, is she has always inspired me.   Even when she was a kid, she just had a maturity and a desire to have an intimate relationship with the Lord from an early, early age, and I think she just challenged Andy and me both in our just our personal walks with the Lord and authenticity and a bunch of things like that, so it's been a sweet relationship, and we pretty much talk all day long.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (4:00 - 4:34) Yeah, I was gonna say the sweetest season, I think, is definitely this one because I had a baby girl about two years ago, and I remember holding my baby girl for the first, second, third time, whatever, and just like, I love her so much, I'm so overwhelmed, and then looking at my mom and being like, wait a minute, you've loved me this much this whole time? Like, that's crazy. So I think getting to be a mom and doing this project together and all the things, I think this season has been definitely one of the sweetest for sure.   Laura Dugger: (4:34 - 5:07) I think that's very encouraging to anybody raising children in their home, but with your book, there were so many topics for mothers and daughters, but I'd love to first focus on this one section that you title, Finding Your People, and it's where you're talking about relationships, especially with friends and with boys, and so Allie, how can understanding the three potential relationship stages help these daughters navigate relationships with friends and with boys?   Allie Stanley Cooney: (5:08 - 7:43) Yeah, definitely, so how our book is laid out, a little bit of context, my mom wrote the first eight chapters to the moms, and then I wrote the back eight chapters to the girls, and we go through these different topics, and one of the topics, like you said, is friends and boys, so when I was thinking about that chapter, there's some, I feel like when you're in middle school, when you're in high school, friends and boys, that's what you're thinking about, that's what you care about, that's what probably you want to read about if you're gonna have to read something, so I wanted to break this down in a way that it's not natural for, you know, middle schoolers and high schoolers to think about, so we break down the three, the three potential stages, stages, that's what I'm looking for, we break down the three stages and let them know that in each stage of a potential relationship, you're called to love, and so the first stage is just before you enter into this relationship, or before you become really close friends, when you're kind of thinking through, is this something I want, is this something that will be good for you, asking the questions like, does this person make me more like Jesus, is this person a good influence, will this person help my life be better, or will it ultimately make it worse, and what does it look like to navigate that season really well, and then the next season is when you're in the relationship, and how can you love that person well while also honoring yourself and honoring that person, and then the last one I think is my favorite, because I think we forget about it potentially, and obviously a lot of our relationships, my best friend that I met in middle school is still one of my very best friends, but a lot of relationships that you have in middle school and in high school, they tend to go away, so there is a stage that is after the relationship, whether that's a breakup, or you just kind of drift apart, whatever that looks like, and the reminder that we're still called to love, because I know culture especially is like, breakup, you should just say horrible things about them, and trash them, and if anybody's friends with them, then you can't be friends with them, and I think the reality is, no, even when the relationship is over, you're still called to love them, and that doesn't mean you need to be with them, or anything like that, but it does mean being kind about them, being thoughtful, being gentle, even when you're no longer in that relationship, so I think that's something that students don't really think about, once the relationship is over, it's like moving on, yeah, you're not called to anything anymore, so yeah.   Laura Dugger: (7:44 - 8:13) I love it, and you really highlight the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13, and so even though your lessons there were directed at daughters, there's something for each of us to learn for relationships, and Sandra, I'd love to hear from your side too, when we're coaching our daughters through developing friendships, what questions do you suggest we ask for clarification, and what scripture do you share for understanding our responsibility within friendships?   Sandra Stanley: (8:14 - 10:28) Yes, great question. Well, and Allie talked about the structure of the book a little bit, you know, that we have eight topics. I write eight to the mom's. She writes eight to the girls, in the middle is the meet me in the middle section, where they come together, and where they can have these conversations, so that's the time when maybe we are talking about, okay, what is a good friend, you know, what does a good friend look like, what are some characteristics of someone that you want to be friends with, and that you want to see every day, and do life together with, what are those characteristics, what makes a lifelong friend, you know, what's the difference between a short-term friend and a long-term friend, what causes friendships to be short-term, you know, what are the things that can cause one to end, and another big question that we talk about is, do you, and do I, and this all applies to us too, not just to the girls, so when we're doing this meet me in the middle section, and having these conversations, this is a two-way conversation, and I think as moms, it's so important for us to be, you know, authentic, and to dive in and say, yeah, I kind of still struggle with this too, but do I want to become more like this potential friend, that's a big question, is there, you know, is this a person that I want to be like, because scripture is clear in Ephesians 5, “He who walks with the wise becomes wise, and companion of fools suffers harm.” That's an important thing to talk about with our kids. You are going to become more like the people that you spend time with. Another question is: Is this somebody I want to introduce my mom and dad to? I remember there were talking with our middle son years, you know, after college, after he was already married. He said, you know, I always knew, this is not a person for me, if I knew it wasn't someone that I would want to bring home and introduce to you and dad, or to Allie. You know, is this somebody that I want Allie to be friends with for the next bunch of decades, so you know, is this somebody I want to introduce my family to, and so we do take a deep dive into 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, Allie asked the girls to circle the characteristics of love, I asked the moms, hey, play along, circle the characteristics of love, let's talk about what it really looks like to love, and let's talk about what it really looks like to have friends who are lovely, and who we want to spend more time with.   Laura Dugger: (10:29 - 10:58) There's so much wisdom in that, and then I think one of your secret sauces, just as a family in general, is your practical teaching, and so if we're taking this even further, let's dive in, it's between pages 64 and 65, but there are a few quotes that I'd love for you to unpack, and one of the first ones is, don't trade what you want most for what you want in the moment.   Sandra Stanley: (10:59 - 11:01) Right, right, do you want to talk about that?   Allie Stanley Cooney: (11:01 - 11:43) Yeah, so I think it's really easy, especially when you're in middle school and high school, and you want to be popular, and you don't want to be left out, and you might want to have a boyfriend, and the reality is, if you just zoom back a little bit, you know, it's like, okay, what do you ultimately want? You ultimately want a healthy family, you ultimately want things in the future, and unfortunately, in middle school and high school, there are certain decisions that you can make that can ultimately compromise what you ultimately want, and so I think having that wisdom and that forethought of, why don't you even think about what you want? Like, have you ever sat down and thought about what you want in your future?   Let's do that together, and then back it up from there, and then see if you're making decisions that will lead to that.   Sandra Stanley: (11:44 - 12:55) Yeah, I think so, and the good thing about the book is moms can contextualize some of this to the age of their daughters, so if it's an older daughter, and she's in a relationship where, you know, there's likely to be some struggle with, you know, how far do I go physically, you know, what are my standards going to be, is all that, to relate to all that, this particular quote is such an important thing to talk about.   Don't trade what you want most for what you might want in the moment, and that speaks, you know, really loudly to a physical relationship, and one of the good things about doing this meet-me-in-the-middle-with-a-daughter is you can have these conversations ahead of time, before there's a face, you know, that we're talking about, or a particular boyfriend or friendship. We can have these conversations early, and then when these things come, we can go back and go, hey, remember what we talked about, about don't trade what you want most for what you want in the moment? Let's just, I want you to go on this date, but I want you to remember that, you know, the decisions that you're gonna make now, they're gonna impact what your future is gonna be like, and the story that you're gonna tell, so that was, that was just kind of what we were, had in our minds as we talked about, don't trade what you want most for what you want in the moment.   Laura Dugger: (12:55 - 13:06) Well, then you follow it up with, don't let your future be negatively influenced by people who won't even be in your future, and I think that kind of...   Allie Stanley Cooney: (13:07 - 13:41) I remember that clicking when I was in high school. I remember, I was dating a guy, and I was like, no, I don't want to marry him, like, no, like, that'd be crazy. What?   And then I'm like, why am I dating him? Like, yeah, I don't want anything, I don't want my friendships impacted, like, I don't want to push my friendships away because I'm spending more time with him. Like there's so many things other than just physical boundaries, which obviously that's a huge one too.   But even aside from that, people who aren't going to be in your life long-term do have the potential to affect your future. So I think that's a really important one too.   Sandra Stanley: (13:41 - 14:28) And affect the relationships that you want to carry into your future. Your good friends, you know, the people that you want to spend time with. So that's a really important one, I think.   And these are great conversation topics. You know, even if you write it on a card and hand it to your daughter and say, hey, let's talk about what this looks like. Don't let your future be negatively influenced by people who won't even be in your future.   And this is where the mom in the conversation that they're having in the meet me in the middle section can talk about a relationship that she can remember having that she thought was going to be forever. And it was, you know, seven months of her life. And then it was over.   So having those opportunities to have these conversations with our girls is so important. And these two particular quotes are really important to talk about ahead of time.   Laura Dugger: (14:29 - 14:52) Certainly. And it just circles back to even Allie, those three things that you were talking about earlier, those three stages, your conclusion in that section is love never fails. And so if we actually are loving in the way the list of first Corinthians 13 love list, then that is hopefully going to set our daughters and us as mothers up for success.   Sandra Stanley: (14:52 - 14:53) Absolutely.   Laura Dugger: (14:54 - 16:57) Let's take a quick break to hear a message from our sponsor. With over 1,700 apartment units available throughout Pekin, Peoria, Peoria Heights, Morton, Washington, and Canton. And with every price range covered, you will have plenty of options when you rent through Leman Property Management Co.   They have townhomes, duplexes, studios, and garden style options located in many areas throughout Pekin. In Peoria, a historic downtown location and apartments adjacent to the OSF Medical Center provide excellent choices. 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Check them out on Facebook today or email their friendly staff at leasing@LemanProps.com. You can also stop by their website at lemanproperties.com.   That's L-E-M-A-N properties.com. Check them out and find your place to call home today.    And Sandra, would you mind just setting the scene, take us back to that day that you walked into your sweet daughter's messy room?   Sandra Stanley: (16:59 - 19:08) Which time? So, this is so funny, and it goes back to how we're wired so differently. I have a place for everything and everything has its place, and I clean up as I go, and all of that kind of stuff, and my sweet, creative daughter just operates differently.   But that manifests itself in a messy room, which really wasn't okay. And growing up, obviously, we want to teach our children just good habits and being tidy and all the things that are gonna serve them well later. So there was one particular day, she was at school, and I had been in her room doing something and realized, wow, this is kind of off the chart messy.   And so when she gets home, we're gonna have to have a conversation about this whole thing. So fast forward, we get to the afternoon, Allie's upstairs, and I know she's up there in her room, so this will be a good time. And I wasn't always the best at picking my approach or my timing, but I did work on it.   So by the time she was in high school, I think I was better maybe at that. She might not think so. But anyway, so anyway, so I walk in her room and I look, and she's sitting on the floor, just furiously typing.   And she goes, mom, before I can even say anything, mom, my girls are going into high school, I'm getting ready to leave to go to college, and there's just some things I need them to know. So I'm writing Allie's rules for high school. And she said, let me read them to you.   So she starts reading this list. And with every single one, my heart just started, I mean, I just started melting into the messy floor with her because I thought this is so much more important. If I were to describe the bullseye on the target in parenting, it would have nothing to do with the clean room.   It would have everything to do with the character of her heart. And as she was writing and reading me these rules, I thought this is Allie's heart on display. And it just kind of was a life changing moment for me.   And then I asked her if I could put it on my blog. I was actively blogging at the time. And she's like, sure, nobody will see it.   So you can put it on your blog.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (19:09 - 19:09) Cute little blog.   Sandra Stanley: (19:09 - 19:37) And as it turned out, it went viral and was all over the place and radio shows in the mornings and all that. On the first day of school, back to school in Fulton County in Atlanta, there was the Burt Show, I think it's still show, Burt Show, a radio show, drive time show. And he was reading them, reading them off.   And everybody in his studio was all commenting on each one of them. So as all of Fulton County is driving to school, Allie's rules for high school were being read to them.   Laura Dugger: (19:38 - 19:45) Wow. I mean, I guess knowing the list, it doesn't surprise me that it would go viral.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (19:46 - 19:48) And I- Surprised me, for sure, yeah.   Laura Dugger: (19:49 - 19:59) Well, I envision mothers and daughters even listening to this conversation together. I do wonder if my daughters would love to pause and go back and say, remember, mark of good parenting is not a clean room.   Sandra Stanley: (20:00 - 20:03) So- Right, they're gonna bookmark that statement, yeah.   Laura Dugger: (20:04 - 20:10) I was guilty of that too, growing up. But Allie, would you be willing to share some of those rules with us?   Allie Stanley Cooney: (20:10 - 21:44) Yeah, no, I'd love to. Well, I will say, so I was going into high school as the small group girls that I was leading. No, no, sorry, I was going into college while the small group girls I was leading were going into high school.   And there was just a lot of things I wanted them to know and to remember and things we had talked about and things that maybe I had learned the hard way or watched my friends learn the hard way. So I will say, hearing them go, like I didn't write them for everybody to hear them. You didn't write them for a universal audience.   No, I think I would have written them differently, but it's sweet now and I'm glad. So I'll just read a couple. I won't do all of them because there's 20 in the book.   But one, surround yourself with people who build you up, not with people who tear you down. Have an accountability partner and be willing to tell her everything. Emphasis on her.   Yep, be so, so, so, so, so, so careful about who you date. This one's my favorite. I don't know why, I just, I really, this one hits home.   If you're wondering if you should break up with him, break up with him. That's the one I learned the hard way. Yep.   Pray, pray, pray. Don't ever forget how much you need God. Have a quiet time.   It may seem like a hassle, but it will help you stay close to God. Be nice to your parents. They love you and want what's best for you.   So if you disagree with them, just remember that they're a lot smarter than you. Sorry about that. Never be afraid to say no.   When you fall on your face, get back up. There's a bunch more, but the last one is one of my favorites and it's selfies are for faces. That sounds like a good one.   Sandra Stanley: (21:44 - 21:49) That was such an insightful one just for girls to hear. Silly. You know, you do a face, a face.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (21:49 - 21:52) I mean, it was mostly like an inside joke.   Sandra Stanley: (21:52 - 22:03) So there were several that were inside jokes for them, which didn't make fun and didn't make a lot of sense on the radio to drive time in Fulton County, but they made it all funny and fun.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (22:03 - 22:05) So that's a couple of them.   Laura Dugger: (22:05 - 22:17) I actually thought that was one of my favorites as well. It was put in a succinct way. And at that time, you were just a few years ahead of them.   And so hearing that from you lands differently than hearing that from mom.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (22:18 - 22:18) Yeah.   Laura Dugger: (22:19 - 22:35) But Allie, you're kind of explaining, it was one of those decisions, if you reverse back a little bit, can you share, you write that it was one of the best decisions to grow your faith. And it's something pretty replicable that I'm hoping others will grasp onto as well.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (22:35 - 23:12) No, and that was, if I'm remembering correctly, what I wrote in there, there's a couple of things, but deciding to be a middle school small group leader when I was in high school was probably the best decision I made for my faith because it caused me to take it really seriously. It made me realize, oh, the decisions I make aren't just going to affect me, it's actually now gonna affect these girls. I remember having a moment where I realized, okay, I don't wanna make any decision where I'm gonna be tempted to lie to these girls about it.   Cause you know, middle school girls, they asked me everything.   Sandra Stanley: (23:13 - 23:13) No boundaries.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (23:13 - 23:46) And they were all in my business. And so realizing like, okay, I don't wanna make a decision where if they ask me, which they will, I don't want to be tempted to lie to them. So what did those decisions look like?   What would I be proud to tell them? And ultimately what decisions do I want them to make when they're in high school? So it not only drew me a lot closer to Jesus, cause they also would ask me theological questions and like faith questions.   And I was like, I don't know, let me dive in. But also it was a really cool accountability that I really loved having in high school.   Sandra Stanley: (23:47 - 24:21) This is really one of the things that we've done for a long time in our church. And that is allow our high school students to partner with an adult to lead these small groups. And it just has, it has impacted all three of our kids in their faith journey.   And again, to Allie's point, a big part of it is accountability. Like, oh my goodness, I don't want my girls or my guys to, I don't wanna do something that's gonna cause me to either have to lie or that would be disappointing to them. And so I think it was a, I think it's a great part of the program, yeah.   But so volunteering, always huge.   Laura Dugger: (24:22 - 24:32) Agreed. And to get our students into ministry where they get to experience leadership early on, I think that's so profoundly impactful for faith.   Sandra Stanley: (24:32 - 24:33) That's exactly right, yes.   Laura Dugger: (24:34 - 24:59) Well, and something else that both of you emphasize, which I especially appreciated, was spending alone time with Jesus. And Allie, you were saying that we have to incorporate foundational beliefs and practices into our lives, specifically through two steps, learning and applying. So, will you elaborate on both of those parts?   Allie Stanley Cooney: (25:00 - 26:11) Yeah, so I, yeah, I mean, that's how we grow our faith. We can't have a faith if we don't know anything, and then we can't really have a faith if we're not putting what we know into practice. So, the learning really just looks like reading your Bible.   You know, it looks like it's those really obvious, quote unquote, steps. If you go to church, you've listened to the message and you take in the information about Jesus and about scripture and about God and about who you are and about who people are, and that's you're learning. You have to learn, you have to take in the information.   And then the second one is when you put it into practice, you know, you actually live out what scripture says, you live out what you're learning in church, you love the people around you well, you root yourself and establish yourself in the love of Jesus and who he says you are, and you walk in your identity. So, it's so multifaceted and there's a lot to it, but ultimately, if you can break it down and tell the girls, hey, we learn, and then we take what we learn and we do it, and that's how you grow your faith. And even when it gets hard, you keep going.   And even when people push back, you keep doing it, you keep learning, and you keep applying. And ultimately, that's how your faith grows.   Sandra Stanley: (26:12 - 26:20) And that is how a Jesus follower consistently follows Jesus. So, it's such an important thing. Yeah, absolutely.   Laura Dugger: (26:21 - 26:52) Well, and even one example of that, you first of all say, keep continually putting truth in front of you, but then you go a step further and you say, well, even before that, spend a little bit of time thinking about the best way to keep truth in front of you. And you challenge readers to consider the routines and rhythms of their normal day and see where they can put important truths in. So, do either of you have an example of how you do that in your own life?   Allie Stanley Cooney: (26:53 - 27:54) Yeah, and it's looked really different throughout my life. And I think I wanna give permission to these girls that it's okay if it looks different than somebody else, because we learn and we feel close to our heavenly father in different ways than everybody else and in different seasons of life. So, I remember when I was in middle school, I had a devotional, and it was very story-based.   It was like made up stories, but it had something to learn at the end of it. It had a moral and it was always Jesus-centered, and it was always about simple things like generosity and gratitude. And reading stories for me was how I connected with God.   And then as I got older, I started reading scripture for myself and I'm a huge journaler. So now my time looks a lot like reading scripture and journaling and then journaling some more and then reading scripture. And that's kind of where I find my time with the Lord.   Yeah, but it's definitely changed over time.   Sandra Stanley: (27:54 - 31:31) I would say that mine has changed in different seasons of life too. When you're single and you've got lots of flexibility and time, it really looked one way for me. It was morning and it was longer and all of that.   In the parenting seasons, it looked different throughout that journey when the little ones, I would try to get up before them and try to get my quiet time in, but it really did. It ebbed and flowed in the amount of time I was able to spend and all of that. In this season, I have more time.   And for me, it's always been better in the morning. I know some people are better at night and that's fine. For me, it's been morning, and I just have to have my space, my particular place that I go with all my quiet time materials there.   And when I'm there, it just, the distractions are minimal. And that's because that's just my place to be alone with my heavenly father. I've got a little spot to pray and a spot to sit and read and study.   And so that's what it looks like for me. I am so often asked by moms; do we make our kids have a quiet time? Do I make my middle school son or my middle school daughter or high school daughter have a quiet time?   And I always say, no, you don't need to make them do it. But I suggest three things. You model it, you encourage it, and you make it easy.   You model it, you encourage it and make it easy. So, I, my kids saw me and Andy having quiet times their whole childhood. And again, it looked different, different seasons, but they knew that we both spent time in the word and in prayer.   And that just modeled it for them. So, it was something that they just grew up kind of assuming is a given, which is a good thing, but you can also encourage it. And that's one of the things that we did was we just helped them as they got older, figure out what does this look like for you?   You know, what kind of, are you a morning person? Are you an evening person? Is this gonna be, you know, just helping them figure out best times and best practices and all that for their personality and temperaments.   And then making it easy. We always made sure our kids had age-appropriate Bibles in every season, starting when they couldn't even read little picture Bibles that were their own. We wanted them to have their own Bible and never remember a time that they didn't have their own.   And so we just made sure that, you know, different seasons of their lives, they had age appropriate Bibles. And one of the things that I did, and this is just a kind of a, maybe a little fun thing, their Easter baskets every year, while, you know, it always had some chocolate bunnies, you know, and all the normal Easter basket things, I always made sure that there were quiet time tools in their Easter basket that were age appropriate and, you know, proclivity appropriate based on what they liked. And, you know, one of our sons was a reader, one wasn't so much a reader, but if it was about an athlete and the athlete's testimony, they would both read that.   So, I would put all kinds of different things for Allie, journaling stuff, pens, colored pencils, just anything that I thought would encourage their journey in a quiet time. That was my big time to do that. And then of course, other times of the year, we would add some things, but model it, encourage it, make it easy.   And that's the best way to set your kids up to maybe make this as a habit. And even when they don't, nagging isn't gonna help, so don't nag, you know, don't nag under the guise of I'm just reminding them, but model it, encourage it in the appropriate ways and then make it easy.   Laura Dugger: (31:31 - 31:48) And I even thought there was additional practical wisdom that you shared within that section, just encouraging the mamas, guard your time. And how do you see that intentionality tying over into our time with the Lord?   Sandra Stanley: (31:48 - 34:00) Definitely it ties over. I think, you know, as we think about motherhood and Allie is experiencing this now, there's a whole other layer of busyness that gets added to your life. It's almost like the things on your calendar double.   And then as they get older, it's even more and more intense as they get older, because everybody, you know, has jobs. So, in this season with these moms of middle school and high school girls, they might be having their first little jobs or and your other kids also. So anyway, it's just a busy season and our time is limited.   So, we always say, Andy and I say this all the time to parents, your time is limited. So, you've got to limit what you do with your time. And when you make it a priority to have that time alone with your heavenly father, that's one of your biggest yeses.   And then they're just going to be some no's in different seasons. I call them categorical no's in different seasons of parenting. When the kids were little, I had all these categories of things that are just a no for now.   This might be a yes for later. It's a no for now. So, things like I'm doing now, like writing projects or speaking, or, you know, just stuff like that were no's when my kids were young, because those are so time consuming.   And so those were no for now, but not forever categories of things. So, I would say to moms and to daughters, you know, your time is limited. So, you've got to limit it.   And so, you know, pay attention to what the most important things are. And I would say, go so far as to say calendar those things, put those things on your calendar and treat them like appointments. Because typically the mom is the calendar keeper for the whole family.   And what we put on our calendars, what we actually do. And so I've always used my calendar that way to make sure that the most important things are on the calendar, even little things like call my grandmother, you know, back during those seasons, because I would get busy and, you know, two weeks would go by and, you know, I knew my time with her was limited. So just even little things like that I've always calendared.   And I think our quiet time may be something we need to calendar and give it a time slot. And, you know, for me, again, I'm the efficiency person. So that just works for me.   That doesn't necessarily mean that's for everybody, but it works for me.   Laura Dugger: (34:00 - 34:23) I think that's so good, Sandra. Thank you for sharing. And the two of you wrote about a couple really helpful words in a different section that was titled Family is Forever.   So, can you speak to the roles that gentleness and gratitude play in creating an enjoyable family culture? Yes.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (34:23 - 34:31) Yeah, well, I feel like a lot of girls feel like they don't have a lot of control within their family dynamics.   Sandra Stanley: (34:31 - 34:34) So, this was the topic on family in the book.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (34:34 - 36:07) So, you don't choose your family. You're not choosing what you're having for dinner. You're not choosing your curfew or your classes.   A lot of times in that season, it can feel like there's no control. And so, I wanted to give the girls a couple things that, hey, you do have a choice in these and you do control these as far as it depends on you. And so those things were appreciation, forgiveness, and gentleness.   So, appreciation, you can choose to appreciate your family. You can choose to appreciate your mom. You can choose to say thank you to the people around you for what they do.   Forgiveness, you choose to forgive. And then gentleness. This came a lot from my relationship with my brothers specifically.   How is the youngest of three? Of the youngest, I have two older brothers, and they were mean. Not gentle.   They were mean. And so, learning like, hey, they want you to respond in aggression. They want you to get angry.   That's kind of- They want a reaction. They want a reaction from you. And so responding in gentleness is actually how you deescalate the situation.   And I think that those things, it kind of gives girls like, oh, I'm not totally helpless. I'm not totally out of control. I can actually choose these things and I can choose to do them or not.   And I can see how it positively affects the family or if I choose not to do them, how it negatively affects the family. And we all have ownership in the family culture and vibes and feelings. And so, I think that helps the girls kind of have a grasp on something in their family.   Laura Dugger: (36:08 - 38:01) That's so good. And even, not that either one is more important for the other, but I really was thinking that sets children apart if they are grateful. And that sets parents apart if they are gentle and both are obviously encouraged in the Bible.   So I just thought that was incredible how you drew that out.    Do you love The Savvy Sauce? Do you gain anything when you listen?   Did you know that the two ways we earn money to keep this podcast live is through generous contributions from listeners and from our paying sponsors? That means we can promote your business and you're still supporting The Savvy Sauce. It's a win-win.   Please email us today at info@thesavvysauce.com to inquire about pricing for sponsoring each episode. Thank you for your consideration. And Sandra, you've been a previous guest.   I'll make sure and link to that episode in the show notes. That was about parenting, even starting with younger age children, which was wonderful. But Allie, this is my first time getting to meet you.   So, I'll share with you too. Your dad was actually my first pastor after I became a believer. So, I remember him preaching a series on better decisions, fewer regrets.   And he would challenge us to ask ourselves a question. I think I'm getting this right. In light of my past experiences, my current circumstances and my future hopes and dreams, what's the wise thing to do?   And so, as we're nearing the close of our conversation, would you like to share, after absorbing all this information from the conversation and from your book, now what? What is the wise thing to do?   Allie Stanley Cooney: (38:01 - 39:57) Yeah, so our last chapter is on decision-making because I do think all of it kind of points to the decisions and we point back to Philippians 4, where Paul is saying, now put it into practice. Everything you've learned, everything you've seen, all of these things, it's time to put it into practice. And so, pointing these girls and pointing these moms to stop in a moment and ask themselves exactly what you just said.   Okay, in spite of my past and my present and my future, what is the wise thing to do? What is the thing that will lead to healthier relationships? What is the thing that will lead to less regret in the future?   And I think it's even just a choice to stop and just ask that, because a lot of times we just go, go, go. We don't have time to stop to really think through anything, but the idea of, okay, before we make a decision, let's actually stop and ask ourselves, what is the wise thing to do? And it's not always gonna be popular.   It's not always gonna be easy. And sometimes you might be the only one doing it, but I know in my experience, and even when I was in high school, I went to public school, so I was surrounded by a lot of people who weren't making the wisest decisions and they were my friends and realizing, okay, I'm gonna, even though it's not popular, even though they might laugh at me, even though this might not go well for me, I know what I want my future to look like and therefore I'm gonna do the right thing. I'm gonna say no, or I'm gonna say yes, or I'm gonna do whatever I know the right thing to do is and just trust that it's gonna be okay and trust that my close friends will stick by me and my family will stick by me and they'll be proud of me. And so I think it's hard to do in the moment, but if you have that filter and if you stop and ask, then I think it's really, really great for you and your future.   Sandra Stanley: (39:58 - 41:46) And for moms and daughters to have this question in their back pocket as these things roll out, as hard decisions come along, it's just really important to ask what is the wise thing to do? And I think an approach for parenting in general, but especially for these moms of middle and high school girls, an approach and part of a conversation is, hey, Allie, I love you so much. And my goal is for you to get to the end of these middle school years or the end of these high school years with as few regrets as possible.   So, we're gonna get in the habit of asking this question, what is the wise thing for me to do? What is the wise thing for me to do in this situation? And the second question we talk about in that decision-making chapter is what story do I wanna tell?   When all of this is said and done, when this decision, even this one decision, when this is over and I'm on the other side of it, what is the story that I will want to tell? I think I'm gonna make that decision based on that. So those two questions, what is the wise thing to do and what story am I gonna wanna tell?   Those are big, big conversation pieces for moms and daughters to have and for moms and kids in general and dads and families to have, what's the wise thing to do and what story do you wanna tell? Because we wanna get them to a place where they have as few regrets as possible and God can certainly use our regrets, He can use our stuff. We're not gonna be perfect.   We are not gonna always get it right and we're not always gonna make the wise decision. And I think us being honest and chatting with our kids about decisions we didn't make that were the right ones that we might carry a little bit of baggage around on at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way, we can have those conversations with our kids and let them know, hey, I'm not perfect and I'm not expecting you to be perfect but let's get in the habit of asking these questions because they will cause us to have fewer regrets on the other side.   Laura Dugger: (41:47 - 41:53) So, good and it really puts you on the same team which you are when you're having these conversations.   Sandra Stanley: (41:53 - 42:18) And sometimes your kids don't feel that. They don't feel like we're on their team. They feel like we aren't because we don't want them to have fun or we don't want them to have freedom or whatever.   And it really does. These conversations do emphasize, hey, I am on your team and I am only saying no to this because I am so for you. And I think these conversations set us up for that.   Laura Dugger: (42:19 - 42:27) Well, you've shared some wise questions. Would you also be willing to share the prayer that Allie, I believe you prayed through high school?   Allie Stanley Cooney: (42:28 - 42:36) Yes, the prayer is give me the wisdom to know what's right and the courage to do what's right, even when it's hard and even when I have to do it by myself.   Sandra Stanley: (42:36 - 43:23) We started praying that for our kids before they even knew what we were saying. When they were toddlers, we were praying this prayer with them. And as they got older, that's when we tacked on the end, even if I'm the only one, even if I'm doing it by myself.   Because as you get older and you get into middle school and high school, sometimes you feel like you're the only one. And we celebrated like crazy when we caught our kids making a hard decision and especially if they were the only one. So, when we saw them making wise decisions, we didn't always catch it, but if we did, we wanted them to know this is to be celebrated because what's rewarded is repeated.   And we wanted to reward our kids for making those tough decisions. And I think Allie carried that on with her all the way through, so.   Laura Dugger: (43:24 - 43:36) Love that so much. And really, it's such a joy to learn from both of you. Can you tell us where to go after this conversation where we can continue learning from the wisdom of each of you?   Sandra Stanley: (43:36 - 43:56) Thank you. Yeah, the book is anywhere that you buy books, you know, on Amazon, all of the different places where you buy books. My website, sandrastanley.com has lots of links. Instagram, Allie Kay Cooney, yeah. So we're talking about it a lot these days, just in the season of talking about maybe in the middle.   Laura Dugger: (43:57 - 44:13) Love it. Well, you may know that I have one final question for you because we are called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so as my final question for each one of you today, what is your savvy sauce?   Sandra Stanley: (44:14 - 45:04) You go. Okay, I'll start first. I think, Laura, it really is my calendar dictates my life.   But again, that's kind of a personality thing. But for me, if I don't get it on my calendar, it may or may not get done. So for me to put the biggest, most important things on my calendar, it just makes life more smooth for me.   So, I use my calendar for everything. There was a season where I even calendared exercise because it was a crazy season. I thought if I don't put it on here, I'm not gonna do it.   I have a rhythm with that now, so it's a little bit easier. But even things like making sure I'm checking in with my mom and dad, because they are in there getting to their late eighties and, you know, just little reminders of things that are most important that I don't wanna miss, that are easy to miss when I get busy, I just use my calendar for everything.   Allie Stanley Cooney: (45:05 - 45:51) Yeah, I think, I don't know if this is exactly what you mean, but recently, I wanna be off my phone more because it's just everyone's addicted to their phone. So, I got this thing called a brick, and I saw it on Instagram, ironically. But you can tap your phone onto it, and it basically shuts down any app other than whatever apps you want.   And the whole thing is you're turning your phone back into a tool and not a distraction. And it's pretty much changed my life. Because I'll sleep with it on brick, and then so I can't wake up and just like be on my phone.   So, then I have to like intentionally undo it to go on Instagram or do whatever. And then I just keep it bricked. And so, I'm not just scrolling, and it's been really, really helpful.   Laura Dugger: (45:52 - 46:21) I love it, those are so wonderful. And God has just blessed both of you with so many gifts, but I'm seeing so much wisdom, so much beauty in both of you, but your generosity to share because you have a unique family situation and are very well known. And yet you just are giving of yourselves through the time here, through the knowledge and wisdom that you shared in your book.   So, I want to say thank you for a thousand things, but thank you for being my guest today.   Sandra Stanley: (46:21 - 46:26) Thank you for having us. We really appreciate it. This was very fun.   Yeah.   Laura Dugger: (46:27 - 49:41) One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term gospel before?   It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news.   Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there is absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved.   We need a savior. But God loved us so much, he made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him.   That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus.   We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says, “That if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” So would you pray with me now?   Heavenly Father, thank you for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to you. Will you clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare you as Lord of their life?   We trust you to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.   If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring him for me, so me for him. You get the opportunity to live your life for him. And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason.   We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you ready to get started? First, tell someone.   Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes & Noble and let me choose my own Bible.   I selected the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. You can start by reading the book of John. Also, get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ.   I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps, such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you. We want to celebrate with you too, so feel free to leave a comment for us here if you did make a decision to follow Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.   And finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, “In the same way I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.   And if you've already received this good news, I pray you have someone to share it with. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

Transforming underutilized urban spaces into thriving, income-generating assets requires vision, strategy, and creative deal-making.  Katie Kim is a leader in adaptive reuse and strategic real estate development, specializing in structuring WIN-WIN-WIN deals that benefit investors, communities, and businesses alike. As the founder of The Katie Kim Educational Platform and the Kim Group – which does real estate development, she empowers developers to navigate complex projects with confidence. Katie takes us step-by-step through a successful adaptive reuse project for Trefzgers Bakery in Peoria Heights, IL. She'll discuss the capital stack & how incentives and grants were layered in, as well as the design and construction process that led to amazing results. Find out more: Website: www.katiekim.com Instagram link: https://www.instagram.com/TheKatieKim LinkedIn link: https://www.linkedin.com/company/thekatiekim/ LinkedIn Link: The Kim Group: https://www.linkedin.com/company/thekimgroup/ Katie's Professional LinkedIn Link: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiekim/ Trefzgers Development Project/Facebook Today's episode is brought to you by Green Property Management, managing everything from single family homes to apartment complexes in the West Michigan area. https://www.livegreenlocal.com And RCB & Associates, helping Michigan-based real estate investors and small business owners navigate the complex world of health insurance and medicare benefits. https://www.rcbassociatesllc.com Attention real estate investors! Save the date for the Midwest Real Estate Investor Conference, happening April 24-25, 2025, in Grand Rapids, Michigan. This event is the perfect place to connect with fellow investors, gain valuable insights, and elevate your real estate game. With a lineup of expert speakers and numerous networking opportunities, you won't want to miss it. https://www.midwestreiconference.com

This morning on the Greg and Dan Show, Carol Perkins and Rob Everret came in to talk to us about the Peoria County Bar Association's Strides for Justice Event on September 21st.   The Strides for Justice event consists of a 5k race and a 1 mile walk to help support the Prairie State Legal Services. Prairie State Legal Services offers legal services and aid to under-priveleged groups in the Peoria area. The race will begin at 8:00 am at the intersection of Prospect and Grandview Drive and will finish at Oliver's in Peoria Heights. For more information and to register ahead of time visit peoriabar.org/stridesforjustice, and for more information on Prairie State Legal Services please visit https://pslegal.org.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today, Greg and Dan spoke with Kaitlin McVey from the Grandview Alzheimer's Special Care Center. Tomorrow the 15th they are hosting a Guest Bartending event at the 33 Room in Peoria Heights from 4:30 - 8:30 pm. The event will feature many celebrities of the Peoria area, from WEEK News 25 Anchors, Peggy Maloof, Mike Vespa, and many more. All proceeds go to benefit the Walk to End Alzheimer's.   For more information please call (309)692-2484 or visit their location on University.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On this week's episode of Out and About, Dr. Mae Gilliland Wright of ArtsPartners of Central Illinois talks with artist Duffy Armstrong Farrell about her work over the years — including her latest exhibition, A Semblance of Reality, which is on display now through August 2 at Exhibit A Gallery in Peoria Heights.

Greg and Dan talk to Peoria Heights Fire Chief Dan Decker about the newly established Peoria Heights Fire Department and its search to hire three full-time firefighters.  Chief Decker notes the incredible and dedicated volunteers that helped the Peoria Heights Fire Department for many years, the groundwork that led to his decision to hire full-time staff, and the Department's requirements for incoming firefighters.  Visit peoriaheights.org to apply and for more information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Greg and Dan talk to Pam Perrilles for a preview of the Cocktails for CASA event on Tuesday, May 21st from 5:30 - 7:30 PM at Clink Bar and Events in Peoria Heights.  This is the 3rd installment of this event. The Clink team will show attendees how to craft two cocktails: Wakey Wakey and House Margarita. Attendees will then get to craft the drink themselves. Food will be provided as well. The event is limited to 50 people. CASA of the Tenth Judicial Circuit stands for Court Appointed Special Advocates and is a volunteer organization that advocates for the best interests of children who have experienced abuse or neglect.  Visit casaofthetenth.org to register for this event and for more information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

May is Food Allergy Awareness Month. Lindsey Spangler and Chris Horan, Co-Founders of the Red Sneakers for Food Allergy Awareness-Peoria Chapter, join The Greg and Dan Show to discuss this year's goals for the organization and for raising awareness for food allergies. Throughout the month, all donations to the organization will go towards purchasing epi-pens for local first responders.  Raise awareness for food allergies with Red Sneakers at Clink in Peoria Heights from 5-10 PM on Thursday, May 2. Clink will be the first allergy-friendly restaurant locally. Visit redsneakers.org/peoria for more information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hannah Hernandez of the Peoria Women's Club joins Greg and Dan to talk about the restoration process of the iconic 1893 ironwork entryway along Fayette Street and the recent grants to help facilitate the restoration. Hernandez mentions the PWC's public open house on International Women's Day, March 8th from 4:00 - 7:00 PM, and the announcement of an exciting new collaboration with Cafe Santa Rosa in Peoria Heights. Visit peoriawomensclub.com for more information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Matt “Blind” Stein and Mike “The Cop” Armstrong join Greg and Dan to talk about the final, sold-out show in the four-part Caliente Comedy Series at Cafe Santa Rosa in Peoria Heights on Friday, February 16th.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Comedian Matt “Blind” Stein joins The Greg and Dan Show to preview the next installment of the Caliente Comedy series at Café Santa Rosa in Peoria Heights on Friday, January 19th. January's featured headliner is comedian James Draper, who's style is best described as “good time comedy.” Also performing is Nick Goeet and a special guest! Visit 309tix.com for tickets and more information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Josh is an extremely accomplished three star chef from north Peoria.  He has traveled the world cooking for the most wealthiest of people but now he is back in the 309 with him family as a co-owner of Slow Hand Craft BBQ. Its an incredible life story about seeking joy, success and a sence of accomplishment!Slow Hand Craft BBQ4450 N Prospect Rd Ste S-1, Peoria Heights, IL 61616(309) 670-0336 https://slowhandcraftbbq.com/Joshua Lanning Chef & Restaurateur https://www.joshualanning.com/https://www.instagram.com/joshualanning/

Comedian Matt “Blind” Stein and JR Runkle of Fortner Insurance join The Greg and Dan Show to preview the next show in the Caliente Comedy series with Cafe Santa Rosa at the Betty Jayne Brimmer Center.  The next installment of the Caliente Comedy series is on Friday, December 15th featuring Greg Batton, Kyle Fields and hosted by Blind Stein. Runkle recalls his interest in sponsoring a four-part comedy series to bring comedy to Peoria Heights. Visit 309tix.com for tickets.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Greg and Dan speak with stand-up comedian Matt “Blind” Stein about his collaboration with Café Santa Rosa and their new location at the Betty Jayne Brimmer Center in Peoria Heights for the Caliente Comedy Series. Stein notes his upcoming shows including his own headlining show on Friday, November 17th to kick off the series of four comedy events. Friday's show includes comedians Jeff Govednik and Josh Freeman.   Purchase tickets at 309tix.com/calientecomedy or hard copy tickets at Café Santa Rosa.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Greg and Dan Show speaks with Rich Draeger and Grace Post of the South Side Mission ahead of the 52nd Annual Holiday Meal ministry as Thanksgiving approaches. Draeger and Post note the sign up list for meal delivery and the sit-down meal are now open, how to volunteer, and the sign up process. The sign-up process will close on Friday, November 17th, and the sit-down meal will take place from 11:30 - 1:00 pm at the South Side Mission Building. The meal delivery area is open to all of Peoria, Peoria Heights, Bartonville and limited surrounding areas, including senior housing complexes. Call 309-676-4604 to sign up for a meal delivery. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The West Central Heat host the Peoria Heights Patriots in an 8-man football match up at West Central High School.

Craig chats about a cool new program called Real Steel with his friends at the VFW in Peoria Heights and this week's featured guests from Wink's Iron Lot!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Craig welcomes his friends from the VFW in Peoria Heights along side this week's special guest David Casper on Casper Brewing Company in BloomingtonSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Craig sits down with his friends at the VFW in Peoria Heights including Veterans helping Veterans founder Don Yarbrough to discuss the important goal of his organization. Later, the guys hang out in studio as we have some fun with the news of the day!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Craig sits down with his friends at the VFW in Peoria Heights including Veterans helping Veterans founder Don Yarbrough to discuss the important goal of his organization. Later, the guys hang out in studio as we have some fun with the news of the day!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Craig chats about a cool new program called Real Steel with his friends at the VFW in Peoria Heights and this week's featured guests from Wink's Iron Lot!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Craig welcomes his friends from the VFW in Peoria Heights along side this week's special guest David Casper on Casper Brewing Company in BloomingtonSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Derek Oddo joins Greg and Dan to preview the 2nd Annual Peoria Heights Bar Stool Open 2023 presented by the Peoria Heights Kiwanis Club on Saturday, June 10th from 9:30 AM – 5 PM. Oddo mentions the reason behind creating the Bar Stool Open, the fun atmosphere that connects local businesses to the local community, and how each business created their own unique hole for the tournament. Putt-putt throughout the Heights with a team of 4 and your favorite costumes. Prizes for Best Team Score and Best Team Costume plus a raffle and 50/50 Doors open at W.E. Sullivan's at 9:00 AM with team check-in starting at 9:30 and Tee-off at 11:00. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Between consulting in New York City, running a pop-up burger restaurant in Sonoma County, California, and establishing part ownership of Slow Hand Craft BBQ in Peoria Heights, Chef Josh Lanning has been busy.

Craig continues to take calls before playing a moment from Ted Lasso that he really likes and why. Craig also talks about how awful the lies have gotten from the White House Press Secretary. Finally, Bety hangs out and discusses their latest trip to the VFW in Peoria Heights before starting their Mother's Day celebrating way too early!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Craig continues to take calls before playing a moment from Ted Lasso that he really likes and why. Craig also talks about how awful the lies have gotten from the White House Press Secretary. Finally, Bety hangs out and discusses their latest trip to the VFW in Peoria Heights before starting their Mother's Day celebrating way too early!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On this week's Out and About, Dr. Mae Gilliland Wright of ArtsPartners of Central Illinois talks with Jerry Kolb and artist Preston Jackson about the Peoria Heights Earth Day Garden Celebration, taking place this Saturday, April 22 at the Peoria Heights Public Library.

WCBU's On Deck has everything you need to start your day for Friday, March 3rd. First, hear from Peoria Heights and political leaders about $2 million of federal funds coming for road reconstruction. Then, highlights from Out and About, as we learn more about the Chillicothe Player's upcoming production of Romance in D.

Wes Ernst joins the CIBL Podcast to talk about his story. Wes is the CEO of Halo Solar in Goodfield, IL. Wes kicks off the show by explaining his professional journey. He initially found a niche in the food and restaurant industry. After a period of time working in restaurants in Spain, he found his way back to Peoria Heights and continued to work in the food scene. Wes eventually worked his way into a Jimmy John's management role where he found a passion for leading and mentoring people. His final stop prior to Halo Solar was in the food industry with a food service organization selling food to restaurants. The pandemic put a fork in that opportunity (pun intended), which led Wes to continuing his education and igniting a passion in renewable energy. Wes was introduced to the opportunity with Halo Solar in 2021. Halo Solar provides solar energy solutions across Central Illinois. They have the capability to work with commercial, industrial, farm, rural, and residential clients. During the interview, Wes explains some of the benefits and incentives associated with solar energy. The cost savings alone is a huge incentive for businesses and homeowners, but when you add the incredible incentives through the state of Illinois its often a no-brainer! Check out this informative interview with Wes and see if solar is a fit for you and your business!

[2:40] Meet Katie! How she got her start in the beauty industry [5:30] Becoming a business owner [12:15] Ask an Esthetician! Listener questions on skincare [30:05] An unexpected client success story [35:00] Katie's services [39:40] Ballet Katie and keeping the love of dance alive [42:45] Dating in your 30s… future podcast?! [57:50] Go see Katie at Aura Salon in Peoria @browdoctor_katie [59:00] Rapid Fire Wrap Up

Michael Vandy (Owner Of Waters Edge Winery) sits down with the crew to talk about the successes and struggles of his winery in the heights. Getting through covid, overcoming brain tumors , and the worries of the upcoming winter months or just few things that make this interview exiting! Mike also offer domestic beers for those of us that are sticking to our younger days and refuse to "expand our pallet"!Be sure to find him on Social Media: @wateredgewinery_ph Stop in for a glass! 4450 N Prospect Rd Suite S-12 Peoria Heights , IL 61616Give Mike a buzz to make party reservations (309) 682-9463

Kitty Yanko of the Peoria Humane Society joins Greg and Dan to promote the 26th Annual Bark in the Park at its new location at Tower Park in Peoria Heights from 10 AM - 1 PM on Saturday, October 1st. Attend this family-fun, friendly event featuring food vendors, dog olympics, paw printing painting, raffles and cash drawing, the famous Mutt show, a dog parade, and more.  This event is the Peoria Humane Society's largest fundraiser and all proceeds from Bark in the Park will help fund life-saving care for local animals in need, promote adoption of homeless shelter animals, and to provide food for hungry pets.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hugh Higgins of the Hearth Restaurant joins Greg and Dan to promote the upcoming Taste of the Heights 2022 on September 21st from 5:00 - 9:00 PM in Peoria Heights. Taste of the Heights is an all-evening event that allows you to sample the talents and treats of local Chefs while enjoying live entertainment, cold beers, and delicious cocktails.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Greg and Dan speak with PCBA Public Relations Committee Chairman Carol Perkins and President of the Peoria County Bar Association Mike Fleming about the Strides for Justice 5k Run and 1 Mile Walk on Saturday, September 24th at 8 AM on Grandview Dr. in Peoria Heights. All proceeds benefit the Peoria office of Prairie State Legal Services as well as raises awareness about the importance of affordable legal representation to the underserved in Central Illinois. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Greg and Dan speak with Scott Corsaut and Corey James of the Freedom Paws Service Dogs about the 6th Annual Armed Forces Celebration Day at Pour Brothers in Peoria Heights on Saturday, September 10th. Freedom Paws Service Dogs is this year's designated charity for the event.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Patti Simmons joins The Greg and Dan Show to talk about the 4th Annual Randy Simmons Memorial 5K Run & 1 Mile Run/Walk on Saturday, August 19th at Heritage Square in Peoria Heights. All proceeds go towards a Tuition Assistance Fund at Peoria Notre Dame. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Theresa McDade and Barb Milaccio join The Greg and Dan Show to talk about the Peoria Heights Fine Art Fair on Saturday, May 14th from 9 AM – 5 PM featuring local music, food, a silent auction, along with the main event; a juried art show. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On this week's episode of Out and About, host Jenn Gordon of Arts Partners of Central Illinois is joined by Theresa McDade and Barb Milaccio to talk about the Peoria Heights Fine Art Fair.

Angie O of the TikTok account Angie's Listings joins Greg and Dan to talk about her love for Peoria, how her account is resonating with TikTok followers, and the upcoming party to meet fellow new residents to Peoria at the Twelve Bar Lounge in Peoria Heights from 5:30 pm - 7:30 pm on April 29th.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

WCBU's On Deck has everything you need to know to start your day for Thursday, December 16. Our top story is about Eureka College expanding its statewide tuition-free scholarship program. You'll also hear about the historic Pabst Brewery “33 Room” coming back to life next year. WCBU's Tim Shelley interviews bar co-owners Kip Rodier and Dustin Crawford about how they plan to blend beer with history in Peoria Heights. On Deck is produced by WCBU student intern Holden Kellogg.

In this episode, Denise Bow, LCPC, and I explore Mental Health & Wellness and how it impacts your Mind, Body, and Spirit. She dives into the difference between Mental Illness and Mental Wellness, different techniques used to help manage Mental Health, such as EMDR. She wrapped up with book suggestions and general tips to help with daily stress and anxiety. Email: saveoursisters2020@gmail.com IG: @saveoursisters_2020 YouTube: Save Our Sisters Books The Stress Switch- Dr. Amy Serin Getting Past Your Past- Dr. Francine Shapiro The Body Keeps the Score- Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk Bess Practice LLC 712 E War Memorial Dr. Peoria Heights, IL 61616 www.besspracticellc.com dpierson@besspracticellc.com #empower #women #womensupportingwomen #podcast --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/norine-fahie/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/norine-fahie/support

Stories include a deadly Peoria house fire, Rivian donating $500k to COVID-19 testing in the Twin Cities, and more economic relief for local businesses in Peoria Heights.

 We are back!  Not that we ever left… But we are back in person, in a room full of real people at WE Sullivans in Peoria Heights!  We cant tell you how thrilling that is after months and months of ZOOM meetings! The inaugural meeting of the Libertarian Parties of Peoria and Tazewell County was […]

Thanks to Live Oak Brewing in Austin, TX, for sharing an incredible collection of smoked beers with us as we fully dive into our smoked meats from Slow Hand Craft BBQ in Peoria Heights, IL.  They served as our hosts as Evan, Kyle, and Ryan devoured some of their best offerings (absolutely loved the house made burger!) and we sipped on some of the less known smoked beer offerings from Live Oak.  We talked about how much we loved these easy drinkers and why no one should skip a chance to hit up their brewery if you fly into Austin. We also got to hear a lot about Ryan's recent 24 hours in Brussels where a day full of lambics can sometimes be a bit too much lambic!  Hope you enjoy this "Oak" filled episode!! [audio quality wasn't our best but the magic of editing helped to still enjoy the great conversation]

We went big for our 50th episode as we blind tasted, guessed, and ranked some of the biggest, barrel-aged, non-adjunct stouts to come out of St. Louis.  A total of 8 of us tested 6 monster beers from Perennial Artisan Ales, Side Project Brewing, and Main & Mill Brewing to see which ones stood out from an already crowded field of contenders.  Tasted were Side Project's Beer:Barrel:Time Batch 1 & 2, Perennial's Maman '17, '18, and the double barrel version from The Wine and Cheese Place in addition to Main & Mill's Carpathian.  Lots of fun and a little disagreement to determine who was best at determining which beer was which and we also get to see how our total rankings ending up for the 6 beers between all of us. Thanks as always to Pour Bros Craft TapRoom in Peoria Heights for hosting! Cheers from P+P!!

Here we go!  Mark and Evan were joined by Kyle to sit down and talk to Rob, co-owner of Pour Bros Craft Taproom in Peoria Heights.  Rob has been hard at work booking music for the upcoming season of Saturday night concerts at Pour Bros.  We got to hear what bands are coming and some exciting events on the schedule.  St. Patrick's Day festivities were on the docket as well in the Heights!  Kyle brought a blind tasting beer for the rest of us and we also popped our first barleywine on the podcast, Perennial's barrel aged Vermillion.  Cheers from P+P!!

Katie Kim, CEO of The Kim Group, joins the Journal Star's Steve Tarter to chat about developing, redeveloping, and renovating the Peoria area. Kim is well known for ambitious projects throughout the Peoria area, including apartment buildings and business developments in Peoria Heights and repurposing dilapidated warehouse properties in Downtown Peoria.

Pour Bros. Taproom is a one-of-a-kind craft beer experience located in Peoria Heights, IL.  We learn from Nate and Jason how this unique craft beer bar got started and where it's heading next.  It was the first in the state of Illinois to bring craft beer enthusiasts a pour-your-own tap wall allowing drinkers to sample from their exceptionally diverse menu of drafts.  Pour Bros. Taproom also attracts patrons by offering Saturday live music in their courtyard and have teamed up to offer a much anticipated locally sourced wood fired BBQ called Slow Hand Craft BBQ.  Listen in to learn more about why we will be spending more time here than we already do!  Cheers from P+P!!

Drunken Lullabies EP 106 "Pour the Experience" iTUNES * FACEBOOK * TWITTER * INSTAGRAM Drunkenlullabiespodcast@yahoo.com Band/Label/Artist/Beer Twitter Handles: @DESTIHLbrewery, @stonebrewingco, @AnchorBrewing, @TriptychBrewing, @marzbrewing, @sethwalkermusic, @Eisley, @danhubbardmusic The Voice is in Peoria Heights at one of his favorite places to enjoy craft beer, Pour Bros Craft Taproom. Dustin, along with Nathan, David, & Wyatt  try a couple beers from the tap wall from Stone and Anchor, plus a couple from Triptych and Marz, followed by a Destihl Sponsor Spotlight. We enjoy some Christmas music from past Bands of the Week, Seth Walker, Eisley, & Dan Hubbard. Subscribe, Rate, and Review the show on Apple Podcasts, and send an email to be a part of Drunkamaniac Mail.

Billie Ozment Show on  Building Fortunes Radio with Guest Troy Alexander...... and Host Peter Mingils. Listen to the Billie Ozment Radio Show at:  http://www.buildingfortunesradio.com. Todays guest is Troy Alexander from Peoria Heights, IL Married for 35 years with seven children and four grandchildren. Spent 23 years as a financial consultant and in 2010 walked away to pursue an opportunity in the Wellness Industry. Has built a team of over 6000 people. Loves inspiring and empowering others to BELIEVE in themselves and that they can accomplish anything they desire or dream of. Troy Alexander has a strong desire to build a foundation that will support abused and battered children, feed the hungry and the poor, and shelter the homeless. Is a strong man of faith and is very compassionate and sensitive to the needs of others. Famous Quote: Service to others leads to greatness. Billie  Ozment is presently Serving As The Vice-President Of Helping The Less Fortunate Ministries.  She strives to Help Those Who Are Struggling... To Learn In A Loving And Caring Environment. Billie  also a member of "The National Association Of Professional Women" & was selected as "Woman Of The Year" for 2016/2017.  

Drunken Lullabies EP 44 “Puppies & Swayze” FCF NETWORK * iTUNES * FACEBOOK * TWITTER * INSTAGRAM Drunkenlullabiespodcast@yahoo.com   Band/Label/Artist/Beer Twitter Handles: @WISEACREtaproom, @AtGBrewery, @WestSixth, @PerennialBeer, @DESTIHLbrewery   Show Notes: The Voice is on location at Pour Bros Craft Taproom in Peoria Heights. Joined by Steve the Supplier, Speakeasy Bryan, and Marc Dark, it's a lovely day to drink some beers outside just a couple hours before Food Truck Frenzy. We drink beers from Wiseacre, Against the Grain, West Sixth, Perennial, and Green Tree. As always, we are sponsored by Destihl Brewery. Topics discussed this week include Eat Dawn's Taco, "Kegs & Eggs!", Not a Fan of Stone, Malort, Busey & Swayze, Steve's Olympic Dreams, "Steve Stark You're My Hero", S.L.O.P., Marc Loves Puppies, A Maroon 5 Break, Thanks Obama, and Go Away Frosty Mugs.

Supplementary Materials:PDF of Powerpoint Presentation (download) This presentation is designed to give participants the skills and confidence to present the topic of FXS to their child’s classmates. Reaching out to students is a great way to provide a personal understanding of Fragile X along with facts about what is Fragile X. This understanding of fragile x and disabilities in general will help foster friendships and compassion. Holly Roos is the mother of 2 children, Parker & Allison both affected by Fragile X Syndrome. She is the founder and president of the Central IL Fragile X Resource Group and Board member of Advocates for Access in Peoria Heights, Illinois. In 2007 Holly was the winner of WEEK's 25 women in Leadership for her work in Fragile X. The National Fragile X Foundation recognized Holly’s outstanding contributions to the FX Community with the Education and Awareness Award at the 11th International Fragile X Conference.