Better Today Than Yesterday (BTTY) Podcast

“Responsibility means recognizing both pleasure and price, action and consequence, then making a choice.” — Dan MillmanThere's a word most people don't want to be associated with.It sounds sharp. Dangerous. Maybe even wrong. But try building anything that matters without it.In 1961, psychologist Arnold Buss described two kinds of aggression. One hostile, driven by anger and meant to hurt. The other instrumental and driven by purpose. This doesn't come with rage, but intention. A response, not reaction. This is focused energy that is not violent but has no apologies for pursuit.Be a good partner. Raise strong kids. Build something that matters. That takes aggression.Aggression in the service of love. Aggression in the pursuit of truth. Aggression in the protection of what matters.It's not just helpful, it's required.The word relentless resonates with me too. But like grit or resilience, it feels safe. If you call someone resilient that is usually a compliment. It means you show up, don't quit, take the pain and move anyway. That's necessary, but not the full story. And not enough.Sometimes, banging your head against an obstacle doesn't move it. Maybe that's when the relentless call on aggression.Not recklessness. Risk. Attack.Call someone aggressive and most of the world flinches. And maybe that's the point. Fitting in feels safe and that's why most people do it. Safety in numbers. But you risk getting stuck in someone else's discomfort. And that can keep you small.Show me a parent whose child is threatened or sick. Or a parent of a child with special needs. They won't just endure. They'll fight. They'll be relentless, yes. But they'll also get sharp. Fast.Because when something truly matters, you don't wait. It's resolve fueled by a kind of impatient patience. The kind that acts.Or think about the neighbor who loads up a truck and drives 500 miles after a hurricane to help people they've never met. That's not persistence or grit, that's aggressive action.What's the cost of worrying about someone else's labelProbably a lot. More than I'm willing to pay.You've seen it used well. Steady. Unassuming. But when it's time, they move with something stronger than relentlessness. Something that penetrates the problem and is hard to ignore.When it's paired with humility, it becomes something rare. A kind of aggressive humility.It's the willingness to pursue what matters without needing the spotlight. A confidence that doesn't posture. It's not about proving something. It's about finding the right way, not their way.It's about results.I've worked with people like that. I'm married to one. I think we might be raising a few.To do something that counts, you'll need to be aggressive. With intention. Not emotion.And without apology.Take care, friend. Be good. —Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

In order to be right, you must be willing to change your mind. If you're not willing to change your mind, you're going to be wrong a lot. -Shane ParrishI'm wrong. About something. Or lots of somethings. We all carry a few strongly held beliefs. But if you never flip them, never walk around to the other side of the table, you risk building on something a less experienced version of you got wrong. Take one thing you're sure about and look at it from the other side or at least another angle.For example, I've always believed in working backwards. I first used it in the military, then to build teams and companies. Define the objective. Build the plan. Execute. Start with the end and work back. It gives you clarity and confidence.Maybe the better move is to work forward. Start from where you are and stay alert to what the world is actually telling you. Hard in big organizations, I admit. But that shouldn't stop us.I've also believed education is the foundation of progress. Maybe even the point of life. But what if that's not true? What if learning only works when it rides on the back of humility and courage? Without those, maybe we don't really learn. Or act.So, flip something this week. You don't have to let it go. But you should test it. It should have to earn its place. That's what I'm working on. Certainty is comfortable. Truth is what keeps us in the fight.Take care. Be good. —Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength. -SenecaYesterday I met someone who runs fifty 1:1s a week.I also know someone who does zero.Both are sure their way works.Both are probably right.I used to say leading and managing is complex. Because people are complex.Today, I'm not sure that's right.I think it's simple. Just sometimes hard.There is no right answer. There is just right now.With the information you have. And what your team needs. Usually, the regret isn't saying it or doing it.It's wishing you had.Hard decisions.Hard conversations.Don't worry about applause. Worry about what's right.Sometimes you'll question yourself. That's normal.Just don't time travel.Worry and regret are just misuses of your imagination.What matters is staying in it.Go.Exploring. Asking. Trying. Learning. Questioning. Improving. Facing. Acting.That's the job.Not knowing everything. Not having the perfect answer.But doing the hard things.Because once you stop doing that, it's over.Take care, friend.Be good.—Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

“The problem is that obviously good ideas are not truly innovative, and truly innovative ideas often look like very bad ideas when they're introduced.” —Ben HorowitzWhen someone brings you an idea, what's your first instinct?I'm trying to start with:“What I love about that is…”And when I have a hard negative reaction, I try to pause and ask:“Can you walk me through how you're thinking about it?”The best ideas rarely show up fully formed.It might not come out polished,but that doesn't mean it's wrong.There's always room to push, to question, to improve. It's just hard when someone feels like they are alone or not understood. For me, it comes down to this:How do I want someone to treat my ideas?As a critic or an accomplice?Take care, friend.Be good.—Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

“Abraham Lincoln wasn't born on Mount Rushmore. He didn't arrive in the world with his face on the penny. He came as we all do — a bare-gurgling bundle of possibility. Born, as we are, free — within some limits — to make of himself what he would.” - William Lee MillerWe ran out of water.We lived on an island. And like many places not connected to the underground magic of modern life — city water, especially — you ran out of things. Our house sat on what used to be a coral reef a few million years ago. You couldn't just dig a well.I guess you could dig a well. But the result was brackish — basically nature's way of saying, “Nice try.”Under our house was a cistern. A big concrete box that collected rainwater. That was our supply. If it didn't rain, we ran out. Simple as that.So you learned to live with limits. For us, that meant what my stepfather called the Cruzan Shower. You got two minutes. That was it.Fast-forward a few decades. I'm fighting different battles now — mostly with teenagers who treat loading or unloading the dishwasher like a human rights violation.These days, I take my time in the shower. Rain from the ceiling. Somewhat indulgent. And a few minutes in, the mirror fogs up.I'm still standing there. But I can't see myself.And lately I've been wondering — how much of the rest of my life is the same?I think I'm seeing clearly. But I'm just staring through fog. It feels clear. But it's not. It's just familiar — and familiar is often unreality.Obscured by ego. By fear. By defensiveness. Those three love to show up uninvited — usually right when something breaks.Suddenly, it's everyone else's fault. The timeline was off. The tools weren't right. Mercury's in retrograde. Anything to avoid saying, “Maybe I missed something. I was wrong.”That's self-preservation. But it's not understanding. And it won't get you unstuck. And it certainly won't help you do your best work.The more I sit with it, the more I think the most important thing in life is understanding. Understanding how the world actually works — and how it doesn't. What I control. What I don't. What's true and what's not. How other people see things — and why they might see it differently.Because it's tempting to bend reality into what I want it to be. But the work is to see it for what it is. Because only then can I take the next right action. The next good action.That kind of clarity — the willingness to face what's true — I saw it in Lincoln.You already know the myth: the dirt floor cabin, the rise to the presidency. What I hadn't fully appreciated was how relentless he was about learning. Reading. Doing. Questioning. Listening. Understanding. Sure, ambition got him moving. Maybe it gets me moving too. But I think understanding is what helped him make the turn.Ambition became purpose. Because he understood. He saw clearly. It wasn't about him.You can't do what's required if ego and fear are superglued to your eyeballs. If you're stuck in the reptile brain that's been trying to protect you for the last few million years, you can't interact with the reality of today.That's the work.I think it comes down to my emotional maturity. And that's mostly about understanding my emotions — knowing what helps and what doesn't. Seeing when I'm being defensive. When I'm not. When I'm open. When I'm actually listening — or just trying to win.Understanding makes that possible. It helps me move beyond ego and into something quieter. Out of that small, rigid room in my head — and onto open ground. A wide plain. Green grass. Puffy clouds. Room to breathe. Room to see.But it doesn't just happen. I have to catch myself. I have to sit with it.Am I seeing what's real? Or indulging in something more comfortable?Clarity doesn't arrive all at once. It burns off — like fog in the morning.Most problems in life aren't technical — they're interpersonal. And the person I interact with the most… is me.It's hard to have that relationship if the mirror's foggy.The job is to clear it. To see myself for what I am — and the role I play with everyone around me.The truth. The ego. The fear. The deception. The progress. The good. The bad. The potential.Understanding reality — that's the mission.It takes time. Sometimes help. Sometimes pain.But it starts with reflection.Take care, friend. Be good. Bye.—Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

“Being a trailblazer is difficult. It's the road less traveled for a reason. It's filled with doubt, discomfort, detours, and dead ends. Lined with naysayers, puzzled looks, and unsolicited advice from those stuck on the beaten path. And only scattered with subtle signs that you're on the right path.”— George RavelingIt's still dark out.I'm sitting here thinking about how much of life comes down to two things: creating or consuming. Every day, in small ways, we're either making something or taking something in. And how we move between those two shapes everything.For much of my life, I spent it trying to create. I remember a distinct moment in my early twenties, telling myself that I wanted to spend my life creating. I do think much of what's happened in the decades since has been driven by ambition, maybe even insecurity. And if I'm being honest, a lot of that creating was probably for me—trying to prove something, trying to matter.We move between these two states all the time—sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. Sometimes we create good things. Sometimes we don't. But it's always happening.When my friend forces me to do leg day, like he did yesterday, I'm creating. When I binge the wildly entertaining show 1923, I'm consuming. And when the cursor just blinks at me while I try to figure out what the organization should focus on, I'm creating.And whether we realize it or not, we're always consuming part of the people around us too. That consumption doesn't have to be passive. Actually, it's not passive at all. Be careful who you're around. Good people make you better. Bad people make you worse.And when you find the good ones, slow down. Stop. Sit across from them. Really look into their eyes. What are the color of their eyes? Notice who they are, what they've done, and what they hope to do. Let them teach you. Take in all of their lessons. Learn from them.This is how we get better. And maybe just as importantly, this is how we create real connection. Because ultimately, it's all about relationships. And it's through those relationships that we find ways to work together to create things that actually matter.I'm often asked about balance. How do you achieve it? How do you balance family and work and purpose and health?It's natural to reach up and take that word down off the shelf and try to apply it here, as if life is best lived in perfect symmetry. But I've come to believe balance isn't the goal. Especially not in this case.Because if all we do is balance—if we simply match every bit of creating with consuming—we end up neutral. We leave life even. The world doesn't need neutral. It needs progress. It needs people who create more good than they consume. People who push forward. Who make things better.The world wasn't handed to us. It was built by our ancestors—Through work.Through sacrifice.Through creation. Brick by brick. Life by life. They consumed what came before, yes—but they added something. They left something behind.Those people gave us a life that, for all its flaws, is still the best time in history to be alive. And that gives us responsibility. To create. To add what matters. And to remove what hurts.What I consume, I become. And what I become is what I create.It's not two different things. It's one motion. What I take in doesn't just stay with me. It leaks out. It shows up in who I am. In what I notice. In what I ignore. In what I say and how I say it. And maybe most importantly, it shows up in how I make people feel when they're around me.Somewhere inside all of that—creating, consuming, failing, trying—there's a question worth asking: what does it feel like to be on the other side of me?Because I know, from my own experience, that I have the power to shape the environment around me.I can create environments that lift people up. Or environments that pull people down. I do it with my kids. I do it with my colleagues. And I do it with strangers, in small moments—the guy in the flat cap at the fuel pump next to me somewhere in South Dakota. We exchanged a smile on a random Tuesday morning. Hours later, by total chance, we ended up at the same roadside hotel in a sea of roadside hotels. Another smile. Small moment. A nudge to each other that we aren't alone. Keep going.One of the most important questions I can ask myself is whether I create environments that help people move toward their potential, or environments that pull them back and make them smaller.It's a real question. Sometimes it's a hard one. But it's worth asking. And whatever the answer is today, it doesn't have to be the answer tomorrow. That's true for almost every part of who we are.Two thousand years ago, Marcus Aurelius wrote in his journal, “My job is to be good.”Maybe part of being good is paying attention. Paying attention to what you consume. And to what you spend your time creating.Because whether it's French fries or carrots, gossip or truth, noise or real work—what you take in shapes you. And what you create shapes what you leave behind.And if you're lucky enough someday to be sitting in that white rocking chair on a little porch as the sun goes down over a little green hill, God willing with some grandkids tossing a frisbee, you'll want to know that you learned, you created, and hopefully you left them better than you found them.Until then—Take care. Be good. Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

When I think back to times and places that were difficult, they usually seem not as bad as when I was there. There is a reason for this, and it's called Fading Affect Bias. But first, a memory. We were deployed in Baghdad and in the midst of it. 18-hour days of grind. I'd beat the sun up and stumble over to the secure room we set up to access highly classified material. The coffee wasn't great, but if Folgers was good enough for grandad, it was good enough for me. We'd push pixels, people, and ourselves on that deployment. It was hard. I also knew I was pushing myself pretty hard. Too hard, in hindsight. Then one day, a buddy on the team looked at me and said, “Hey, I gotta tell you, you have to stop being so negative.”He was a friend, and I love him for having the courage to snap me back to reality. There was a lot wrong, like the hole in the roof from a rocket and the persecution happening all around us. And the Army, which comes with lots to criticize - bureaucracy, red tape, bad food, low pay, IEDs, and laziness. Some of that, particularly the last one, would be a reason to get out several years later. Almost every day, I miss it. I miss the dust in your nose, the adrenaline at the gate, and unknown corners - real and metaphorical. I miss the new cultures, the lessons, and the flatbread with all the fixings from a little window in Sulamaniyah. I miss the places few have been and the wide-eyed “thank you” when you change someone's life with something the Department of Defense marked for the rubbage bin. Not to mention fierce friendship, the ‘embrace the suck' attitude, and the ‘just don't quit' mantras. I've been curious why I remember it more fondly than when I was there. It turns out there is a psychological reason, and it's called Fading Affect Bias (FAB). With Fading Affect Bias, negative emotions associated with an event tend to fade faster than positive ones. This fading can start as soon as the same day. When something terrible happens, or I make a mistake, I drag it around for a while. Over time, it fades. It won't all fade and often comes back when we don't want it. At night lying there in the dark, a smell that instantly transports you or any of 1,000 other triggers. “Dude, stop”Fifteen years later, I remember vividly that moment riding in that grey SUV with the gold stripe down the side. My buddy looked over at me and said, “Dude, stop.”What I was complaining about didn't matter. Were there frustrating things? Yes. Did I think command could do more? Yes. Did I think some guys weren't pulling their weight? Unequivocally. Rarely does complaining make it better. By complaining, we are complicit. Not only do I shake my head at the things that frustrated me due to their pettiness, but frankly, I'm embarrassed. I'm in the middle of a book by one of my favorite writers, and he's sharing tales of WWI. The trenches, the starvation, and wave after wave of men walking into machine gun fire. Now there's a reason to complain. There I was with a chow hall, a mostly hot shower, and coffee each morning. Yet, I dared to complain. People were barely making it a few hundred meters away, and I had the US Government's full force to ensure I had what I needed. And my family was at home, safe. Yet, I complained. Note to SelfWe will lose things, friends, and dreams. Complaining rarely makes it better. Often, it makes it worse. Usually, there are worse things happening to better people. When you find yourself starting to see all that is wrong, stop and flip it over. There's likely more good than your lens is letting you see. Clean it. I'm grateful for the fade, but more importantly, I'm grateful for friends that call me out. I'm also grateful that it doesn't all fade. There are too many lessons and moments I don't want to lose, including this one. Take care, friends. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Oh! why should the spirit of mortal be proud?Like a swift-fleeting meteor, a fast-flying cloud,A flash of the lightning, a break of the wave,He passeth from life to his rest in the grave.—William KnoxIs ambition bad?Ambition often feels like a negative word—restless, self-focused, a need to prove yourself through achievement or acclaim. And that's not new. The word ambition comes from the Latin ambitio, meaning “a going around”—as in walking the streets to seek votes and curry favor. From the beginning, ambition has been about gaining approval. About proving.I've felt that too—that pull to prove something, to earn approval. And I've wrestled with the fact that ambition might actually be necessary to move you forward. Pick any revered leader and tell me they weren't ambitious. Even the most selfless among them—Gandhi, Mother Teresa—they were driven. Focused. Relentless in pursuit of something. Was it always altruistic? Probably not. I think it started with ambition.It still feels wrong somehow. But maybe ambition is essential?Maybe ambition isn't bad—it's just unfinished.It begins as a raw stone—heavy, unshaped, full of potential. Left untouched, it can weigh you down. Worse, it can become a cage. You end up stuck inside, grasping through the bars like a howling monkey, reaching for morsels of validation handed out by everyone else. When ambition stays rooted in ego, you're not building—you're waiting to be fed.Humility picks the lock.It frees you to become more, so you can build more, give more, and prove less.If you do that work—if you shape it—ambition can become something more.It can shift from ambition to purpose.Ambition is loud.Purpose is quiet.Ambition is about self.Purpose is about others.Ambition seeks to prove.Purpose seeks to serve. To improve, others.Abraham Lincoln is a clear example of this tension.Most people remember him as purposeful, principled, almost mythic. But that's not how he started. He stepped out of his dirt-floor cabin with burning ambition—a need to rise, to matter, to prove he was more than his circumstances.His early drive to become a politician, to become president, was deeply rooted in self-focused ambition. He wanted to leave a mark, and he said as much. And when the opportunity came, he jumped at it.But over time, that ambition was tempered by loss, responsibility, and reflection. He changed. His ego grew quiet, and what remained was purpose—mature, moral, and outward-facing. And then he was gone. His death froze him at the exact moment we remember him most for purpose. It likely overshadows the ambition that got him there—but that's okay. Right?He made the turn.He did the work. On himself. Ultimately, he delivered for us. That's the journey.Ambition begins in ego.But if we're lucky—and willing—it's refined, by failure, shaped by responsibility, and softened by humility.Then, if we let it, it transforms into purpose.I've wrestled with this more than I'd like to admit. I've spent years chasing credit, hoping it would fill something. I'm not enough. I don't have enough. But with age and experience, that need quiets. It stops being about recognition. It starts being about impact. How are you going to leave people? People worked hard to give us the life we enjoy now, and we have the chance to do the same for others.In the end, maybe what matters isn't whether they remember our names, but whether or not they feel our impact. Life is short, friends.Take care. Be good.—Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

"Beauty is the harvest of presence." —David WhyteWhat is beauty?It's the worn middle of your grandfather's desk.Snow in the spring.A mother on a long flight.A sip of something warm in the morning.Walking through the leaves in the fall.A child laughing.My child smiling, finding their strength.Sitting by the fire with her, the wave of hair falling across her left eye.The green light when you need it.An old book. A new book. A sharp pencil.Standing with a friend under the soft shelter of a building, out of the hard wind.The taste of salt in the air.Opening your eyes underwater.These are the real things.Like the imperfect apple tree that has survived more winters than I have.A cold creek.Open roads.Puffy clouds on a hot summer day.A clear sky stretched wide over the desert.Being forgiven.Finding the maturity to forgive.The imperfect friend who always shows up, wrinkles and all.That's beauty to me — the real things.Beauty is truth.It's witnessing.Recognizing.Receiving.Connecting.Accepting.Struggling.Walking slowly through reality.If beauty is truth, maybe the opposite of beauty is pretending —the hollow things, the times we perform and rush instead of simply being.Life is a series of moments,and all it takes is a moment to be beautiful.I'm still thinking about this.Thought I'd share.Take care. Be good.—Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

"Pain is coming anyway. Don't get a shield. Get a saddle. Tame it." —Derek SiversIt turns out, I'm scared of emus.Okay, scared is a strong word. My wife would definitely say I'm scared. I'd say, I'm moderately anxious around them.My reasons are valid. My sister has two, and they're basically velociraptors from Jurassic Park — they hunt in packs. One comes at me from about two o'clock, and the other from nine. Both of them are male, by the way. I'm not sure if that makes them more or less terrifying.They've gotten me before. Well, technically, they got my phone. It's shiny, and emus love pecking at shiny things. But if I hold my hands above my head, I can usually turn the tables and they scamper off.While I joke that they're dinosaurs trying to eat me, they're largely harmless. In fact, their wings are about the size of a human hand. Wild.If I'm being unemotional, the worst thing that could happen is that, in a targeted peck for my phone, they might catch my hand. Maybe break the skin. A bandaid, and I'm back in business. That's probably the worst that could happen.(Although — fun fact — there was an actual Emu War in Australia in the 1930s. Humans lost. So. Make of that what you will.)You might not be scared of emus. But there's something that scares you.Sometimes you go ahead anyway. Other times, you don't.Something worth asking yourself when you're standing at the edge of a choice, or a risk, or facing an emu:What's the worst that can happen?Not the story you tell yourself. Not the fear.The actual, real worst thing.Usually, it's not that bad.Take care. Be good.—Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

"Stand still. Let the forest find you…What kind of adult do I want to be?" —Jerry ColonnaSome people are miserable at work. Others love it. Same job. Same company. Wildly different experiences.One person comes alive while another counts the minutes until they can escape.We tend to blame the person. Or the job. But what if we're missing something deeper?What if the real difference is alignment—the right combination of elements that make work feel energizing instead of draining?The right work is about combining the right elements so your work generates energy instead of drains it. The Foundational ElementsI've found that six foundational elements determine whether work gives you energy—or takes it away:1. PeopleThe humans around you shape your experience more than any policy, perk, or paycheck.Do you genuinely like them? Do they challenge you? Support you? Make you better?I've seen people stay in objectively difficult jobs because they loved their colleagues. And I've seen people leave dream roles because the relationships were toxic.We're wired for connection. When it's missing, everything feels harder.2. PurposeYour why. And no, it doesn't have to be changing the world.Your purpose might be providing for your family. Building something lasting. Mastering a craft. Creating beauty. Or simply the satisfaction of solving interesting problems.What matters is that it resonates with you, not what sounds impressive at a dinner party.3. ProblemsEvery job is just a set of problems to solve. The key question is: Do you love solving those problems?Because, the problems will keep coming back. And good thing, when they stop your job goes away. Some people come alive tackling technical puzzles. Others thrive on human complexity. When the fit is right, you jump out of bed because you want to keep solving those problems. It's not about ambition, it's about energy. If the problems drain you, that's a signal. If they energize you, that's everything.4. PowerCall it your superpower—the things you're good at and energized by.When you're in that zone, time flies. I get lost behind the camera, studying the light, the craft, and the science. It doesn't drain me. It energizes me.But if you're stuck doing something you hate and aren't good at? That's a recipe for burnout.I urge patience here. Your superpower isn't always obvious, and it can take time, trial, and honest reflection to uncover it. But once you do, everything shifts.This is the most energizing—or depleting—element. Ignore it at your own risk.5. CultureCulture is how people behave—what's rewarded, tolerated, or punished.It's shaped by values, pace, and expectations. If you spend energy pretending to be something else to fit in, that's wasted energy. That's energy you aren't spending on the work—no wonder you are drained. Critical is how your work can harmonize with your life. Can you do what needs doing outside of work too? Can you unplug to recharge? Can you be honest? 6. CompensationYes, money matters. But compensation goes beyond your paycheck.There's economic compensation—what hits your bank account.Emotional compensation—recognition, appreciation, feeling like your work matters.And experiential compensation—learning, growth, flexibility, and meaningful challenges.All three matter. And the right mix will shift as your life evolves.Periodic ShiftsYour needs will shift, and your priorities will change. And that's not weakness—it's growth. But we have to walk our own path. Unfortunately, many of us end up following expected paths.Someone might be a natural artist but ends up in finance because it's “safe.” Just because you can win at a certain game doesn't mean you should play it.One day, you wake up with a LinkedIn profile, a mortgage, and a quiet sense that your life doesn't fit. The elements aren't linedup. Facing MisalignmentSo what do you do with that feeling?It's easy to blame.“The culture is toxic.”“My boss is a jerk.”“I don't like these problems.”“I don't have a choice.”“I'm at a disadvantage…I don't have those options.”Sometimes those things are true. Often, they're excuses. Usually, discomfort is the price of growth.From struggle comes strength. Search for good struggle. Struggle without progress is just suffering.You don't have to suffer, that's a choice. The first is worth leaning into.The second is a sign it's time to change.Be honest, especially with yourself. That's the person we lie to the most often. The Right Combination of ElementsIndividually, the elements matter. But it's the right combination at the right rations that can create something powerful. Like hydrogen and oxygen: useful on their own, but together, they become water. Life-giving. Essential.Work is the same. When your elements align—even imperfectly—they create energy. Meaning. Motion.The perfect job doesn't exist. Every role involves tradeoffs.But work doesn't have to be something you endure. It can be meaningful. Rewarding. Even wonderful. The right fit for you, right now? That exists.When it fits, the work is still challenging—but it doesn't drain you endlessly. It energizes more than it depletes. You feel pulled toward it, not just pushed through it.And when that's not happening? It's not always a signal to leave. It's a signal to investigate. To realign what you can. To grow where needed. And yes—sometimes—to make a change.Because the right work—your right work—is out there.Not perfect. Not easy. But meaningful. And energizing.Take care. Be good. —Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path.Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.Only I will remain.—Paul Atreides (Frank Herbert, Dune)I had a friend once. His name was Rob.He wasn't old enough to drink when I first got to know him. But even then, there was something about him—quiet confidence, a sharp mind, and the kind of loyalty you don't forget.We all used to joke,“I want to go out ankle-deep in shell casings.”Since we were young, that was our naive way of saying,“If it's my time, let it be in the fight, doing something that matters.”Rob didn't go out ankle-deep in brass that day in Afghanistan. Probably because he was moving too fast. Too focused. Too committed.That's my guess. I wasn't there.He ended up saving his team and earning the Medal of Honor. He just couldn't save himself. There is zero chance he regrets that.I do wonder what went through his mind.My gut says—not much. He just did what he thought was right.I'm sure he was scared—but how much time did he have to think? I doubt he gave himself any time for fear. He was too busy doing the right thing.I wonder if he had a moment like you see in the movies—where everything slows down, and he knows exactly what he's doing…and knows it's the end.After the fact, we call him courageous. And he was. But I don't think he'd say that.He was just being himself—being the kind of teammate you'd want next to you in a firefight.And thinking about Rob made me realize something.We talk a lot about intelligence—IQ.We built tests to measure it. Built systems around it. For a while, it defined success.Then we started talking about another kind of intelligence: EQ. Emotional intelligence. The ability to understand yourself and others. To stay grounded. Connected.Both matter.But I think there's another kind worth naming.Courage Intelligence (CQ)Maybe some people are more courageous by nature.Or maybe some are just better at recognizing fear, putting it in the right bucket, and choosing to act when it matters.My conclusion:Fear is universal. Courage is learnable.And how we manage the gap between fear and action—that space between knowing what's right and doing it—can be the difference between realizing our potential… or not.Courage isn't forced—it's found as we walk our path with intention. It's not spontaneous—it's practiced, imagined, internalized.Here's a framework:The Courage Path1. Respond, Don't ReactUnderstand when fear is present.“I'm afraid of ___—now let me think, not just react.”2. What's Real?Separate real threats from imagined ones.“What is true, and what am I making up?”3. Check Values, Consider OutcomesReconnect with what matters. Think clearly about what's at stake.“Is this important enough to act on? What's the cost of action—or inaction?”4. ActMove forward with clarity. Keep your head up—fear will look for an opening.“What story do I want to tell when I'm 80?”This isn't a one-time choice—it's a path.One you walk again and again.Walk this path often enough, and it becomes familiar. Fear might still visit, but it won't lead.With each step, your CQ grows.That's what Rob did—without hesitation.Because he'd walked this path, at least in his mind, many times before. His values ran so deep, there wasn't time for fear to wedge itself between him and what was right—for him. He won't be here to tell the story when he is 80, but because of him, others will.We all have a path to walk. Take care. Be good.—Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

We do not lack ability. We just lack courage. It all comes down to courage. —Ichiro KishimiWe want to be liked. I know I do.Whether for financial security or just fitting in, we shape our choices in ways we don't always notice. Little by little, we trade pieces of ourselves for acceptance. We try to say the right things, wear the right clothes, and sometimes signal belonging by what we drive.It's instinct. A thousand years ago, getting kicked out of the group could mean death. That fear is wired into us. But here's the irony:The people who make the biggest impact—and are the most free—aren't the ones trying to please everyone. They stop shaping themselves around what the world expects and start shaping their world around who they really are.Sometimes the hard part is realizing you're conforming. But getting comfortable with not being liked is a powerful shift. If someone dislikes me, it probably means I've stopped outsourcing approval—and I'm more free.Real freedom doesn't come from money. It comes when you dare to be disliked. Something I'm working on and thought I'd share.Take care, friend. Be good.—Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Your fears are a kind of prison that confines you within a limited range of action. The less you fear, the more power you will have and the more fully you will live.—50 CentSome events have me repeating a phrase to myself:You'll regret the uncomfortable conversations you avoid more than the ones you have.I'm thinking about a conversation or two I didn't have, and now it's too late. I rationalized them away either to protect myself or the other person. My lack of courage kept me silent. The truth is I was probably scared - scared of how they would react. I'd either hurt them, or they would tell me a truth about myself I didn't want to hear. Thinking about it now, I bet it would have erased the pain for both of us - we'll never know.It is one of the most painful lessons of my life. I hope you can take my lesson with you and find it helpful.Take care, friend. Be good. -Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

We are anxious to improve our circumstances but are unwilling to improve ourselves.—James AllenEverything worthwhile takes time, discipline, and a willingness to face hard truths. And those truths can be uncomfortable. Here are a few you might find helpful. I've run into them and tried to act appropriately. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I get them wrong. Uncomfortable Truths and Actions1. No one owes you anything. → Take responsibility. Do the work.2. Some people are victims. Most people just act like they are. → Stop waiting for life to be fair. You'll be waiting a long time. Do what you can, today.3. No one cares about your excuses. → Figure it out.4. Your feelings aren't facts. → Pause. Question them. Find your blind spots.5. Most people want to be right more than they want to get it right. → Stop proving yourself. Look for where you're wrong.6. Most people optimize to avoid failure or looking foolish. → Optimize to avoid regret.7. Motivation is a trap. → Discipline wins. Show up consistently.8. Doing the work isn't enough. → The right work, at the right time, in the right way—that's what wins.9. Knowing when to push through and when to pivot is hard. → Be honest about what's working—and what's not. Admit when you're wrong.10. Comfort is addictive. → Seek discomfort. Strength comes from struggle.11. If you don't adapt, you get left behind. → Evolve or become irrelevant.12. Sometimes you're the problem. → If the same issues keep showing up, look in the mirror.13. Not everyone will like you. → If you chase approval, you'll stay average. Be bold and have the courage to be disliked.14. People who matter don't care about what you own. → Focus on who you are, not what you have.15. Most people follow the crowd because it's easier and safer. → An extraordinary life requires risk and extraordinary choices.16. No one makes you feel a certain way. → Your emotions and your mind are the only things that are truly yours. Control them, or they will control you.17. No one is coming to save you. → You either figure it out, or you don't.18. We all struggle. → Asking for help isn't weakness—it's wisdom. Most things are better together.19. Most people are self-focused. → Be different.20. Tolerance is acceptance. → What you allow—people, behaviors, standards—becomes your reality. Choose wisely.21. Everyone dies. → Stop wasting time on worry and regret. Use every second to create, connect, find joy, or do what actually matters.Be good. Take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

InsightsNo. 1"Pride freezes us in our own image, beliefs, and positions." -Arthur C. BrooksNo. 2“If you can approach the world's complexities, both its glories and its horrors, with an attitude of humble curiosity, acknowledging that however deeply you have seen, you have only scratched the surface, you will find worlds within worlds, beauties you could imagine, and your own mundane preoccupations will shrink to proper size, not all that important in the greater scheme of things…” -NietzscheNo. 3Beliefs often come into our lives and get stuckA ThoughtMost of Life is Problem-SolvingWe solve problems with as little energy as possible. Energy conservation is a survival mechanism. To help, we create mental maps of how the world works so we don't have to process each situation from scratch. After touching a hot stove once, you don't waste time analyzing whether it will burn you again. That shortcut is called a heuristic.Another common heuristic, at least in some cultures: “Trustworthy people maintain eye contact.” The problem? Some trustworthy people struggle with eye contact—like those on the autism spectrum. And liars? They know the heuristic and can fake it.Or consider hiring. You see a résumé from someone who reminds you of a great former colleague—same school, similar background. Maybe they worked at companies you admire. Your brain says, shortcut time! You skip reference checks and deep questioning. That just cost you a year of headaches. The opposite happens too: you dismiss someone because they don't have the “right” pedigree.As situations grow more complex and our energy levels drop, shortcuts become more tempting and dangerous. I know I'm more emotional—and more prone to bad decisions—when I'm exhausted. Whether consciously or not, I'm in energy conservation mode and looking for shortcuts.Shortcuts evolved for survival. If a saber-toothed tiger blocked your path, you didn't stop to analyze—you ran. But most modern decisions don't demand that kind of speed. Today, the real risk isn't hesitation—it's acting without thinking.Heuristics still serve us well in many situations, but we must recognize when deeper thinking is required. The key is knowing when your primitive brain is in control and when emotion might lead you down the wrong path. The irony is that pausing to engage our slower, more rational mind often saves energy in the long run.Shortcuts aren't the problem—it's blindly trusting them or failing to recognize when you're relying on them.Take care and be good. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

InsightsNo. 1"Expertise coupled with strength of will is going to prevail." -Bill WalshIt doesn't matter how good you are if you can't endure the pain.No. 2"If you are doing something primarily for money and without real emotional commitment, it will translate into something that lacks soul and has no connection to you. You may not see this, but you can be sure that the public will feel it and they will receive your work in the same lackluster spirit it was created in. If you are obsessive and excited in the hunt, it will show in the details. If our work comes from deep within, its authenticity will be communicated." - Robert GreeneThere is a different feeling when you are around an emotionally committed person. This is true in relationships and business, and the opposite is also true.No. 3"Signs of a deep friend connection: Laughter is abundant. Honesty is encouraged. Support is real and active. Vulnerability is welcomed. You can put your guard down. You inspire each other to grow. You give each other good advice. Both of you feel stronger together. You help each other weather storms." -Yung PuebloHow many of these friends do you have? Are you this kind of friend?A ThoughtFor most of my career, I thought being good at something was enough.A few weeks ago, I had dinner with a friend. He's been part of my professional life for more than a decade. He runs a very big business. While he sat in a position of authority 'over me' and is considered very tough, he has always made the space for me to be transparent and real. As I was on the eve of making a professional change, I asked him for his advice for my new role.I've asked him questions like this before. The last one was, "What do you look for when hiring?" His answer was simple: "Care." He said, "If someone cares, we can figure almost anything out. Some roles need technical competence, but if they don't care about the work, the technical competence won't matter." I agree with that. Tonight, his advice held similar elegance."You have to commit, fully commit. Not partially, but fully. Do that, and you will be successful."As I think back to my failures, they were failures of commitment. I went in partially, not fully. I was there for the wrong reasons. Maybe it was money, admiration, or something else.The things that have worked in my life started with caring enough to commit. When you care and are committed, you work it and work it until you bring those together and gain competence. If you don't care (emotion) and aren't committed (mission), you won't stick at it long enough to make mistakes and endure the failures that precede competence (craft). Success comes when you have all three.This is true whether you're building a business or a career. It's particularly in relationships. The formula doesn't change: Care deeply enough to commit fully, then work to become competent. Skip any of these, and you'll always wonder what could have been.Be good.Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

InsightsNo. 1"A strong leader accepts blame and gives the credit. A weak leader gives blame and accepts the credit." -John WoodenIf you're leading, everything is your fault - but it is your responsibility. Accept that and get back to work fixing it.No. 2“If you lose your voracious curiosity about tactical details, if you lose passionate interest in people and how they are feeling, if you insulate yourself in the protective cocoon of executive comforts, you may well wake up one day to discover your company has already entered a doom loop of decline and self-destruction.” - Jim CollinsThe bigger the organization and your title, the more time you must spend hunting for the truth. You have to spend time in the weeds rooting out opportunities and the real causes of the problem or success. No. 3“When someone speaks well of you, do not get puffed up. Simply say to yourself: 'If they knew all my faults, they would not speak so well of me.” - Epictetus A ThoughtThese insights highlight essential traits of leadership - responsibility, curiosity, and humility. It's easy to nod in agreement but how do we develop these and help others do the same? Recently, I came across this interview with Shreyas Doshi, in which he explains the relationship to agency and talent - he calls it the Agency / Talent Matrix. What is Talent?While often viewed as innate ability, talent in this context means demonstrated capability or competence. It's important to note that talent isn't fixed – what you are born with is not your destiny. Someone doing the work will eventually beat someone sitting on the sidelines. What is agency? This is the ability to make decisions about your work, take initiative, and influence outcomes. Someone with high agency can self manage and collaborate to get things done. While talent gets attention, it doesn't matter without agency. People with high agency are:* Self-confident and resilient* Take ownership* Excel at creative execution* Communicate effectively and influentially* Bring others along to achieve the right results2x2 MatrixTo illustrate this, he created a 2x2 matrix. On the horizontal axis is agency, and on the vertical axis is talent.Cogs In The Wheel - (Low Agency / Low Talent)* They do undifferentiated but often necessary work.* Won't improve outcomesFrustrated Geniuses - (Low Agency / High Talent)* Highly competent with tremendous potential* Lack of creative execution to get it done* Strong ability to point to what is wrong but wait for things to be perfect.Game Changers - (High Agency / High Talent)* Rare - change the game for the company* If you find them, do whatever you can to hire and retainGo Getters - (High Agency / Low Talent)* Usually early in their career* Ambitious and optimistic - they roll with ambiguity* Can move to Game Changer with enough time and experienceThis is an interesting framework to use for hiring, promoting, and retention. Where does someone fall on this matrix? Where do you fall? The Go-Getter is the one that stands out for me. The Go Getter can decide to be optimistic, roll with ambiguity, and be ambitious enough to work their craft until they have skills and agency to be a game changer. With enough time and practice they can become Game Changers. Key Takeaways:* Agency as a skill is underrated and can be improved. * Conditions are rarely perfect, and waiting for them will mean nothing gets done* Excuses are easier than execution* Cultivate your comfort with looking foolish (experiment, ask questions)- that's how you learn and improve your craft.* The characteristics of a game changer (ownership, curiosity, and comfort with imperfection) are also essential to leadership.There are lots of reasons why things don't get done. Make sure you're not one of them. Be good. Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

InsightsNo. 1“There's a lot of alpha in being willing to do “menial” work (take notes, send out agendas, order pizza, manually inspect raw data, whatever). Beware of over-delegation and being too far from the details." - Nabeel S. QureshiMost people want big things but aren't willing to do the small things, and “menial” work adds up.No. 2“The weakest living creature, by concentrating his powers on a single object, can accomplish something. The strongest, by dispensing his (powers) over many, may fail to accomplish anything. The drop, by continually falling, bores its passage through the hardest rock. The hasty torrent rushes over it with hideous uproar, and leaves no trace behind.”— Thomas CarlyleThis idea of the slow drip is vivid for me—drip, drip, drip. The stone wears away. Do something long enough and with enough consistency, and you'll beat the flash flood - every time.No. 3“We are trying to prove ourselves wrong as quickly as possible, because only in that way we can find progress." -Richard FeynmanIt's hard to prove yourself wrong when you're focused on proving yourself. Stay focused on finding the correct answer, not your answer. A Thoughtor three, actually.Wisdom is worth revisiting.We often look for new things, but revisiting something is often more valuable. Here are two ideas from Jeff Bezos that I'm revisiting.High-performing organizations (and people) need mechanisms to support truth-telling.At our core, we're wired for survival, not truth-telling. This becomes especially apparent when speaking truth might mean challenging those with power over us. Bezos says, "10,000 years ago, you were in a small village. If you go along to get along, you can survive. If you're the village truth-teller, you might get clubbed to death at midnight. Any high-performing organization needs a culture and mechanisms to support truth-telling."Our evolutionary programming hasn't caught up with what is required for excellence in organizations and ourselves. The smaller the ego, the more truth. The more truth, the better the performance.Invention requires wandering and comfort with uncertainty.Innovation rarely follows a straight path. It demands wandering, exploration, and comfort with the unknown. This hits incredibly close to home when I think about young people today. Too often, they find themselves on rigid career or life paths, believing there's no room to meander, no space to tinker, no permission to fail, no freedom to invent themselves. This rigid thinking is dangerous, leading us down paths of unoriginality, missed opportunities, and, ultimately, mediocrity.Takeaways:* We must build better mechanisms for truth-telling, both with ourselves and others.* Tinker. We need to make room for tinkering.Progress demands both—the courage to speak the truth and wander.Be good.Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

BTTY BitesNo. 1—“Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be.” - Enders GameNo. 2—“If we look outside of ourselves for relief from our own predicament, we are sure to come up short." - Mark EpsteinNo. 3—Don't ask for feedback. That gets you a critic. Ask for advice. That will get you an accomplice.A ThoughtWhen I was in college, I bought my first computer. It was a Gateway and came in that iconic dairy cow-colored box. Back then, and this was 25 years ago, you went to the store, and they helped you configure your computer. You picked the hard drive size, memory, and graphics card. They always asked you, “What will you be using this for?”They ask this question because they want to help you make sure the inside of the computer, the stuff most of the world never sees, has the right components to run programs to produce the work the world does see. You select things like memory (RAM), CPU, hard drive capacity, and graphics card. All of these work together with programs and the computer's operating system (OS) to create outputs.The OS manages how the computer's hardware and software work together, coordinating resources like memory, processing power, and storage. It handles everything from basic tasks like showing things on your screen to making sure different programs can run without interfering with each other. These capabilities determine the computer's capacity - what it can do, how fast it can do it, and how much it can handle at once. Sometimes, it reaches its operating capacity.You've experienced a computer at its capacity. The most memorable occasions are when an icon starts spinning, and you suddenly realize you haven't hit save in a couple of hours - then the program suddenly closes. System crash. So sorry.Just like a computer's physical and psychological capabilities constrain our capacity, if we don't pay attention, we will start spinning and ultimately crash.System CrashFive years ago, my system crashed. Like a computer running too many programs with insufficient RAM, I was struggling with work, mood, and relationships. That's when I started thinking about my operating system and how it either improved or degraded my capacity to perform. Something had to change.Personal Operating SystemOur personal OS should help us manage energy, prioritize tasks, manage resources and resource drains, force quit stuck programs (internal narratives), and prevent overload. Importantly, a good OS working with the right internal components can help you operate at your innate peak capacity - or, said differently - your potential.It's likely your personal OS runs in the background with little attention. Over years or decades, you have established routines—the sum of your habits. Roll over in the morning and check your phone—habit. Kiss your partner good night every night—habit. Everything you do is either improving or degrading your capacity. When the demands exceed capacity, the system crashes. This ranges from simple burnout to more serious consequences.The Inside-Out RuleThe inside-out rule states that external impact cannot sustainably exceed internal capacity. If your internal capacity is 7, your external impact cannot sustainably exceed 7. We can have sprints of 8 or 9, but we can't stay there. The system will crash. If you want your external impact to be a 9 over a long period, you must improve your internal capacity to a 9. One way to do this is by improving your personal operating system.Ultimately, this comes down to inside work vs outside work. It's easy to focus on the outside work because that is what the rest of the world sees, what's easy to measure, and where we get external validation. It comes with the temptation to push our outside work harder for more results. The secret is that the inside work often needs attention to unlock what you can do on the outside. The challenge is it's a solo journey that happens over decades.My Personal Operating SystemHere's my operating system—I'm not trying to prescribe anything here; I'm just sharing what I've learned works for me. I'm doing this primarily because I've been giving it lots of thought lately. It feels like it needs some changes, but here it is anyway.System Foundation* Sleep—I need 7-8 hours, or I'm toast. I can 4-6 hours, but not for long stretches. When I start getting impatient and reactionary, and stress becomes less manageable, I need more sleep. * Relationships—It took me way too many years to really understand how important this is. When I'm connected with my people, it helps me work through anything that comes our way. This applies at work, too. Having teammates at work who I genuinely enjoy being around and connected to improves everything.System Stability* Morning Routine (The Boot-Up)—I need quiet time in the morning. I try not to jump into problems for the first few hours. This routine is everything to me, so I head to bed early, even if I miss out on some night plans. If you want the best of me during the day, I need this time to boot up right.* Solitude—I'm an introvert, and once 6:30-7 AM hits, it's people time all day. I try to find little pockets of quiet time throughout the day, week, and year to renew. Unlike what popular books say, you'll catch me eating alone.Energy* Sweat - Long runs outside do it for me. No matter what else happened that day, at least I did that. I love the sore feeling from weights, too. Recently, I worked out with a good buddy, and that's a great hack.* Consuming Well - I love french fries, but my mitochondria get sad when I eat poorly. A good workout lets me enjoy the occasional cheat day guilt-free. Also, hydration and what I eat matter for my focus. Alcohol kills my sleep, so I save wine for special nights with Princess Buttercup (almost exclusively). Plus, I killed most social media - no social apps on my phone is a game-changer. People can text me links if they want to share stuff.* Making Things—Creating something new makes me feel like I've done something. It's hard to explain, but it gives me energy.* Nature - Getting outside matters to me. Winter was tough until I decided to embrace it - now I'll bundle up and sit out there even when it's 12 degrees. Please give me a patch of grass to lie on during a spring day with some sunshine. Perfect.System Enhancements* Collecting Aha's—Whether reading or hearing someone's story, learning helps me get better - ideally, find more truth.* Reflection—I try to “defrag my hard drive” by thinking about what's happened, what's happening, and what should happen next. Journaling almost daily helps, as does therapy. It's all about finding truth, but reflection without action is just wasted wisdom.Again, I'm not being prescriptive or trying to show you what I do (and sometimes don't do). I don't have any answers for you, but I have years of thinking about this proactively and refining mine. We are all different, and our OSs should reflect that. Sometimes, my OS runs smoothly, and sometimes, it crashes. But at least now I know where to look when things start spinning. I've been doing some system monitoring to determine what parts of my OS need upgrading. What's your OS doing for you?If you want to explore this, take an hour away from the inputs—just you and your thoughts and maybe some scratch paper. Not to journal, meditate, or any other prescribed solution, but to honestly examine which parts of your personal OS are due for an upgrade or some new code.Be good.Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

BTTY BitesNo. 1—“In a fear-based, failure-averse culture, people will consciously or unconsciously avoid risk. They will seek to repeat something safe that has been good enough in the past. Their work will be derivative, not innovative. But if you can force a positive understanding of failure, the opposite will happen.” -Ed CatmullThis is the best description of why fear as a tactic is unsustainable. It might work, but not forever.No. 2—“If you wish to make progress, you must be content in external matters to seem a fool and a simpleton.” -EpictetusYou have over almost everyone if you are willing to look foolish.No. 3—Mastery requires the patience and humility to practice and learn, along with the discipline to do that for a very long time, regardless of what the world thinks. Life is really one long apprenticeship.A Thought This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

BTTY BitesNo.1 - “It's the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems.” - Michael SingerNo. 2 - “If you can't decide, the answer is no.” - Naval RavikantNo. 3 - “Process saves us from the poverty of our intentions.” - Elizabeth KingMaybe process saves us from the poverty of our actions? A ThoughtWhat Do You Call the Space Between Raindrops? A book I was reading the other day asked that question. Let's come back to that.I love rain. Well, that's not the truth. Sometimes I don't love it. But I do love it under a covered porch with a cup of coffee and a good friend as we sit quietly and enjoy. Or during an afternoon nap or when it falls on old brown, crunchy leaves. I love it in the distance - a squall heading our way or some other way. I love it because it turns things green, gives the city a bath, and makes those mud puddles I used to play in as a kid. I even loved warm rain on patrol when everything gets quiet. And that post-rain smell. That's special. It turns out we have a name for that.Petrichor (PE-tri-kor) is that distinctive earthy smell. It's a relatively new term coined by two Australian researchers. It combines the words "petra" (stone) and "ichor" (the fluid that was supposed to flow in the veins of the Greek gods).Rhinos and Other Rh WordsAnother word I like is rhinoceros. I like the animal more than the word but mostly because I struggle to spell it. Rhinos are big, tough, and nimble (they can run up to 35 MPH). Southern white rhinos are social and form "crashes." How perfect is that? It's a group of 4-5 females and their calves. The calves play and "crash," which helps develop social skills and strength. The females back each other up against aggressive males. They will show genuine distress when a crash member is injured or ill and stand guard until they recover. It's thought that the crash is one of the reasons that the southern white rhino has been able to make a comeback. It's basically like having a handful of tank-sized bodyguard friends.Rhyme is another word I struggle to spell. Rhythm, no vowel. Wild. I guess the Y counts—Rhubarb, oh rhubarb. Gramma used to have a rhubarb bush. We'd break off a piece and take it inside, and she would slide a small dish with white sugar across her plastic tablecloth. I'd spend the next 15 minutes crunching and puckering away. My mouth waters just thinking about that.Rhetoric has a negative connotation in modern language. Maybe it shouldn't. It's a solid word. Rhombus - You probably remember what this is. I didn't. It's a special shape where all four sides are equal in length, opposite angles are equal, opposite sides are parallel, and diagonals bisect each other at right angles. Think playing card diamond. A square is a special rhombus.Why all the Rh words?No reason. I like Rhinos and realized there might not be many other Rh words. So I wrote this for myself. Because usually, when I write here, I hedge. I think about who will read it, what they might think, and what that will all mean. A part of that is my ego. How will this impact what they think of me?I like collecting ahas. They give me energy. Those lessons, I think, give me a better view of the world—maybe a little more truth or reality. I believe that if we learn something, we should share it. I try translating an 'aha' I've had into something you find helpful. Teaching it also helps us understand it more deeply.Also, the process is energizing. There is something finished at the end—I did something. It's like going for a run. It doesn't matter what happens that day—you did that run. The energy also comes from knowing that while most people don't say anything, I know something resonates occasionally. I'll get a message or a text from someone I didn't know was here, and they ask a question, say thank you, or sometimes say something much deeper. Something I said mattered to them at the right time. Those keep me writing publicly.Finally, and this is a new understanding thanks to Princess Buttercup, maybe my kids will read some of this one day and find it helpful.Dancing Between RaindropsFor a long time, Princess Buttercup and I have urged the kids to be rhinos—dancing rhinos. A big, nimble dinosaur-looking “joy mud” splattered thing standing on tip-toes in a pink tutu dancing between raindrops. When things get hard, sometimes you have to dance between the raindrops. Find your crash and dance. We always feel better after dancing (another PB lesson).I'm going to work to write more authentically in the future. I know I won't always, but I'll try. It might mean that some of you don't stay, think less of me, or some other BS story I'm telling myself. That's okay. I'll be over here in my pink tutu and, with my crash, working on what we work on.Be good.KellyPS - did you know rhinos have three toes on each foot? Fascinating. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

BTTY BitesNo.1 - “A common cause of time wasters is largely under the executive's control and can be eliminated by him. That is the time of others he himself wastes.” - Peter DruckerNo. 2 - “People are motivated by one of two things: Either avoiding loss or acquiring potential gain.” - Phil JonesNo. 3 - Did you know that woodpeckers have tongues? I mean really long tonguges. I took about 1,600 photos of this woodpecker the other day and this shot of his tongue (it is male) made me do some research. It's so long it wraps around the back of his head. He kept at this tree until he broke it in half. Just wild. A ThoughtTomatoes.I think about tomatoes. A lot.Yes, they are technically fruits, but did you know that an 1893 Supreme Court case ruled that tomatoes should be taxed as vegetables? Also, tomatoes were first domesticated by the Aztecs, who called them by a name that meant “plump thing with a navel.” I love that. I also love eating tomatoes, growing tomatoes, and sharing tomatoes. I have Grandad to thank for that.He had a bit of a garden patch - probably a couple of acres of garden, actually. Well plowed and lined with all the vegetables. It was the tomatoes I liked best. We would pick a handful, put them in his old beat-up thick plastic bucket with a rope handle, and drive back to his garage on his small tractor-mower. Sometimes, you'd find me on his lap, trying to drive. Other times, I'd be tucked into the corner of the plywood trailer he towed.Up over a hill, along the fence line, and then down to the garage. He built that garage himself. There was a penny he tucked behind a translucent rock that glimmered when the sun was just right. We'd park next to his big tractor and take in the combined smell of gasoline and cut crass. He'd get me over to his workbench and lift me up. It was always a bit of a mess, strewn with the detritus of actual work. He'd reach for the salt, slice into the unwashed tomato, sprinkle a little salt, and pop it in his mouth - I can still see the edge of his mouth as he grinned. I now imagine he was smiling at something more than the tomato. Then a slice for me. We'd both start nodding. Behind us, through the unfinished 2x4 window frame, his two steers wandered in the ‘north forty.'Success?My grandfather was, at least from what I saw, a great man. He retired as a Colonel from the US Army, was married for 65 years, went to war three times, and retired to a small community in the mountains, where he spent 30 years donating his time to improving that community. That's not what made him great to me. It added to the mystique, but not what I think about today. He makes me think about success.I'm not quite sure what success is, but when people ask me what it means to me, I talk about a little green hill with little people running around. My fondest memories were on that hill we drove over in his little blue tractor. Up until December of 2007, there were two doting grandparents. The kind that eat unwashed tomatoes, play frisbee, and teach you how to make jello. Or the ones that take you to pick fresh blackberries on the fence line and make blackberry jam together - all while she implored me not to get blackberry on my new shirt. One year, Gramma sat me next to the window overlooking the garage to tell me a story. It was close to Halloween, and it was a ghost story. Then, in the distance, a ghost darted over the crest of that little hill. That was Grandad with a sheet over his head. Amazing. At least it was amazing to that six-year-old.Discipline?So success to me is being that for someone. Maybe it's grandkids if we are lucky, maybe not. A little green hill with Princess Buttercup, a community, a small patch to tend, and humans to love. There is a path that I need to take to get there and it has me thinking about discipline. A lot. So, I asked myself: What does discipline really mean? Here's what I came up with.Controlling your desire for something now for something you desire more, later.Whether your success is a green hill, another zero in your bank account, or something else, it will take discipline. If I want to run with that sheet over my head down our hill one day, I have to be here still and be able to move as nimbly as the Colonel could at 70. When my alarm goes off, I want to stay in bed, but I go for a run. That's discipline. Or willpower. Or whatever. I don't always win that battle, but I try to remember what's important. It's a green hill. It's tomatoes. It's raising baby chicks. It's being there for their wedding, being there for their losses, and trading something I desire now for something I want more later.Desire is a strong word, and I'm using it intentionally. Some desires are clear, like fresh tomatoes in summer. Others grow quietly and hidden, like weeds. Discipline is not just about control—it's about paying attention to what is pulling you. If we don't watch what's growing in our garden, we won't know what to weed and what to water.That's what I'm thinking about this week. I hope you're good. Be good. And let's find that hill.Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

//TRANSCRIPT//I want to let you in on a little secret about me. Now everybody knows this. I'll tell you in a minute, but first, a story.I signed up to go in the army to become a Green Beret. That in itself was, as you can imagine, a bit of an anxious time, difficult time, right? You have this dream, you want to do this thing. And this is a giant bureaucracy. Just because you want it doesn't mean you can have it.Part of the process is checking if the job is available and if you're smart enough. You take an aptitude test, and then you sign a contract and go in. Part of that process is getting a physical, though. You have to be physically fit. They obviously want to make sure that anybody who the government's going to spend a ton of money on to go into the military can do it.What I Didn't KnowI took a physical, and I failed that physical to become an SF guy to go into this program. They said no. Why'd they say no? Well, turns out there is a vision test that you take. You've probably taken this. It was created by Dr. Ishihara, a Japanese guy back in the early 1900s. It's that color test, the one with the circle where you look at it and they tell you to tell you what number it is. There's a bunch of dots inside of it.I can't do that one. Just can't do it. Period. Full stop. And I failed it. They said, "Sorry, can't do it. Colorblind. Can't be an SF guy."Where There Is A Will, There Is A WaiverThe good news is there's another motto in the military, which is "where there's a will, there's a waiver." And there is another option here. They really only care about colors that matter in combat, and those are red and green. So another guy, an American guy this time, Dr. Farnsworth, created a separate test. This test tests your ability to see red and green. Red and green is what matters in combat - I think it's because of looking at stuff under red lens and maps and stuff like that. But anyways, I passed that and the rest is history, I'm in.Up until that moment, I didn't know that I was colorblind. Well, slight color deficiency. I have a difficult time telling blue from black, dark purple from blue, those kind of things. I have to ask friends to tell me, "Is this black? Is this blue? Do these pants match?" I've even worn the wrong pair of shoes to a medium before - one black, one brown. Kind of embarrassing, but I'm too old to be embarrassed at this point.My BlindspotsI tell you this story because up until that moment, I had a pretty big blind spot as it relates to color. And it often takes some kind of outside intervention to help you see where you don't see correctly. The older I get, the more I like these. They're absolutely painful when you find them.But the reason we want to find our blind spots is because our blind spots keep us from seeing reality, from seeing the truth, from operating in what is the real world, not our version of it. And those blind spots come in many forms. In my case, in this situation, slight color deficiency, but they come in the form of biases, stories, stereotypes, pick a thing.We should be looking for our blind spots. And when friends try to bring them to us and tell us about it, we should be thankful, we should be grateful. Not all feedback is true or helpful, but sometimes it is. You should be on a quest to find your blind spots because as we remove them, it enables us to operate in reality.Anyways, that's my story. Slight color deficiency. Thank you, Dr. Farnsworth. We appreciate that test. And that's it. Have a good day. Be good.Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

When I was nine, I was sure I'd be homeless.There were reasons for this fear, some real and some imagined. As you can imagine, this colored my thoughts about money, work, and many other priorities. Eventually, it became a mindset for me. Your mindset significantly influences how you view your abilities, make decisions, set priorities, and handle challenges. These deeply held beliefs are difficult to change. It's important to be aware of our mindsets and, when necessary, take action to change them. I want to talk about one mindset that I've adopted that has been helpful - The Ownership Mindset. Ownership MindsetThe ownership mindset means taking full responsibility for outcomes and actively driving value creation and growth, regardless of formal role or title. It begins with conviction - a deep-seated belief in something and the courage to risk status and resources in pursuing that belief. This transcends traditional employment relationships - it's the difference between having a job and taking ownership of the enterprise's success. Owners know that not everything wrong is their fault, but everything is their responsibility.Critically, owners are rewarded for creating value, not for simply being present. Traditional job descriptions or role boundaries don't confine owners. Their single focus is the organization's success. Owners invest tremendous amounts of discretionary effort, make decisions based on organizational needs rather than personal preferences, and carefully allocate resources. Owners are perpetual advocates for evolution and growth. They know that if an organization doesn't evolve, they risk irrelevance and even death. Their commitment to driving change leaves no time for complaints about change - they're too busy making it happen.If you work inside an organization, you don't have to wait for someone to make you an owner. If you want owner-level rewards, you must act like an owner. The ownership mindset also applies to how we approach our lives. Ownership Mindset in LifeInvest in Yourself Deliberately. Just like businesses need capital, you must put your time, energy, and focus into the business of you. That means proactively developing new skills, building relationships, and caring for your health. You must evolve.Face Uncertainty. When you're uncomfortable, that's where growth happens. Failure will happen in pursuit of growth, but consider that tuition paid for valuable lessons, not something to avoid.Be a Creator, Not Just a Consumer. Most of the world consumes what others build. Your lasting impact comes from creating value for others. That value can come from your relationships, your work, or what you give to your community. Rewards follow value creation.Choose People Carefully. The people you spend time with shape you. Just like you wouldn't keep someone on your team who threatens performance, don't keep people around you who threaten your performance. Build your inner circle carefully.Guard Your Resources. You aren't careless about your cash - don't be careless about your time or energy. Be intentional about where you spend both—remember: Poor resource allocation leads to poor outcomes. Our choices - good and bad - compound over our lives.I still have remnants of that nine-year-old mindset around money and resources. Over the last four decades, it's taken a lot of work to put those fears to rest and not let them drive my decisions but rather inspire my priorities. Like everyone, I'm a work in progress, and I hope you found this helpful. I hope you're good. Be good.KellyWhat to keep going? This is relevant to mindset shifts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Work that helps you follow through on promises to customers creates value — everything else wastes resources. As organizations become bigger, their gravity gets stronger. Their size, bureaucracy, and politics distract you from the work that matters. Spend too much time in this gravity vortex, and one day, you'll find yourself irrelevant. Ben Horowitz said, "Somewhere there is a guy in a garage who is gunning for your business. He knows your weak spots and he is making plans for your destruction."Let's think about your team or organization as a river. It's a big, wonderful river with clear, cool water. The water flows steadily, not out of control, but with strong inertia in the right direction. Then things get added to the river. At first, a few pebbles don't seem like a big deal, but these minor annoyances require that the water move around them. The inertia slows but keeps going, so you don't pay attention. Then, a handful of sticks meet up at a bend, creating a significant obstacle for the river. Eventually, banks of sediment build up, requiring us to spend energy and resources navigating the river. What was once clear water is now muddy. We can't see the obstacles in the muddy water, and the river starts to fracture. The big clear river running smoothly in the direction of our vision is now going in different, smaller directions. Some of those directions might be good, and some end in a stagnant pool of wasted resources.The pebbles are small annoyances, the sticks are process hurdles or egos, the mud is unclear communication, and the rocks are policy barriers enacted to compensate for a lack of judgment (and often, talent). Now your mission is fractured into a tangled mess of creeks and swamps meandering through the reeds. We don't have flow; instead, we have friction. Here are a few ways to think about your flow.Questions for Organizational Flow:* Direction: Are you flowing toward your true north, or has gravity pulled you off course? Like a river gradually meandering away from its intended path, teams can drift from their mission through small, seemingly reasonable decisions.* Clarity: Is your water clear enough to see the bottom? Murky communication, a lack of truth, and confused beliefs don't just slow progress — they make it impossible to spot and navigate the obstacles ahead. You might be headed for rapids no one will survive.* Friction: What debris has accumulated? Every organization builds up resistance over time. Some obstacles are obvious — rigid policies to prevent past mistakes or approval steps that grew like barnacles. Others lurk beneath the surface — pet projects no one questions, processes justified by tradition rather than value, and unspoken rules that no one understands or dares to change.* Quicksand Banks: Where are your resources being silently swallowed? These are the most dangerous zones — branches of your organization or initiatives that seem valid on the surface but actually consume endless resources with no real return. Like quicksand, they can appear solid until you're already stuck, constantly pulling in more resources in failed attempts to make them viable.Nature has ways of clearing obstacles. Whether through storms or floods, catalysts come along to restore flow. Here are some ways you can restore your own flow.Internal Flow Restorers — Things You Can ControlClarityClarity of vision provides a lens to make decisions. With this clarity, the team can remove obstacles, close off unproductive branches, or avoid quicksand banks. Without clarity, everyone wanders off trying to find the way.CultureCulture creates a "riverbed" that guides movement. Culture is the sum of our individual actions each day. Each time you add or remove someone from the team, you change the culture. What behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable? Like vision, you must be clear on your riverbed.TruthTruth acts like clear water, revealing both opportunities and dangers beneath the surface. When truth flows freely, everyone can see where they're going and what stands in their way. But the water turns muddy when a culture discourages truth-telling — whether through fear, politics, or simple neglect. In murky waters, teams stumble over hidden obstacles and miss valuable opportunities. And often, it's what you can't see that ultimately sinks you.External Flow Restorers — Things That Force ChangeCrisis & Competitive ThreatsThese act like flash floods. They can clear debris but can be destructive. What makes them so valuable is they force rapid reassessment of what's truly important. They also break the internal echo chamber by showing the real-world consequences of your situation.Catalyst HiresThese new team members join with fresh eyes and can see the accumulated debris that the internal team has learned to navigate. They bring experience from other "rivers" and know what "good flow" looks like. When they combine the best of their old rivers with your river, together you can create something special. They also bring no emotional attachment to current obstacles and old decisions.Environmental ChangesRivers must adapt to the landscape just as you must adjust to the changing environment. Markets evolve, customers' needs change, and new paths emerge. If you're too focused on navigating your internal obstacles, you might miss these changes and find yourself in a dry riverbed. Your Role in the FlowWe each have a responsibility to ensure the river is flowing in the right direction, the water is clear, and we remove obstacles. Just like each pebble changes the course of the river, each person does too. You are either impeding or enhancing flow.Think about your behavior, the emails you send, the work you ask for, and the things you say. All of these end up in the river. You must fight for a river that is clear and headed in the right direction. It will go off course; do your part to get it back on track. But if you find yourself constantly fighting everyone else, maybe you are in the wrong river.It's easy to say that it's "above my pay grade" or "it's hopeless." When you start saying that, you should leave. If you stay, focus on what you can control. Consider your impact:* Are you a rock that others must navigate around?* Is your way of behaving stopping the truth from flowing? * Are you adding sediment that muddies the water?* Are you doing work that really matters or are you pulled by gravity?* Are you creating obstacles, clearing them, or just complaining?* Are you so focused on your small stream that you forgot the river is the main thing?* Are you so caught up in gravity and echo chambers that you don't see the threats drying up your riverbed?Flow is a leadership responsibility — and we are all leaders. Whether you are leading a team of 1,000 or just yourself, you have a responsibility to lead and fight for flow. Leadership isn't about position or title — it's about contribution to flow. You are either helping flow or you are debris that is getting in the way of the mission.Your RiverThis doesn't just apply to organizations — it applies to life too. How's your river? Has gravity pulled you away from what really matters? What obstacles are in your way? Are they real? What is the truth? Our thoughts can create obstacles—mental dams that stop our flow. The pebbles we drop in our river don't just affect us. They impact our friends, families, colleagues, and communities. Like water, we naturally follow the path of least resistance unless we consciously choose otherwise. Every choice, every action, and every word we put into our "river" has consequences.If you are like me, your river needs attention. Don't be overwhelmed. Just work to make it better each day than the last.Be good and take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

In my recent emails and messages, I noticed myself starting sentences with'I know that...'I went back and changed these to'I believe that...'What I call knowledge is often my perspective based on today's information, my biases, and my blind spots. The older I get, the more I realize how little I know.This week, watch your writing and speaking. Notice when you express absolute certainty. It's okay to have strong beliefs but hold them lightly.Be good and take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Title-seeking is dangerous.Work titles began as a way to clarify responsibility. They evolved into frameworks for compensation. Now, in the age of social media, they've increasingly become status symbols.We aren't titles. We play roles.In my last company, we took titles off email signatures. Instead, we put functional responsibility. If I were to take it a step further, I would have had people write a very short sentence of what they actually did - their responsibility. Here are some examples:* Head of HR - Enable the building of great teams* Head of Marketing - Drive growth through understanding* Engineer - Build solutions to solve problemsWhen you seek a title, ask yourself, why? You don't have to talk to anyone else about it, but make sure you are honest with yourself. The worst reason is status. If you are trying to show the world or your parents your worth or importance through a title, that's your ego. The best way to show your value is to do the work your role requires to make an impact. If you do that, you won't have to ask for a title. People will be chasing you to give you one and reward you financially.With my title at work, telling people that titles don't matter would be inappropriate, but I want to urge you to be cautious about title-seeking and instead look to play the role the team needs. Try this: What's your role in five words or less? Ask your teammates if they see it the same way. Finally, ask them to rate you from 1 to 10 on how well you play that role.I've also been thinking about my role as a father. How would I describe it in a few words? I came up with this.Enable PotentialThat's what leaders do. Enable potential. And we are all leaders. I hope you're good. Take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

There are two voices in my head fighting for control.The two voices are my lower self and my upper self. The lower version of me is a critical companion as it is responsible for keeping me alive. Its singular focus is my survival. I call this me the “Lone Survivor.” It doesn't care about anyone else, just me.Lone SurvivorThis version of me is usually the first to speak up and can be the loudest. It's emotional, often irrational, and struggles to parse fact from fiction. When threats appear, real or perceived, it reacts aggressively to “defend” me. It cares about anything that might threaten my survival. From “Is there enough oxygen?” to “Am I fat?” to “What did my boss mean in that email?” The lone survivor is eager to blame others, play the victim, make excuses, and get defensive. But it gets worse.The lone survivor whispers and sometimes shouts things that ignore my happiness, joy, and potential. Things like:* “Don't worry, your son will understand you have to work late and will miss his game - even though it's his last one ever,” or* “Take that job. It pays more. It doesn't matter if you're happy. People, parents, and society will admire you.” or* “You need a better title. What will you tell that frustratingly successful cousin over mashed potatoes next week?”The lone survivor prioritizes personal survival and immediate gratification and operates with a scarcity mindset—there is not enough, so I need some of yours. When facing threats or stress, the lone survivor reacts aggressively with emotion and instinct.* Mantra: I must survive* Time frame: Now - immediate gratification* View of Resources: Scarce - there is not enough* Circle of Concern: Me* Perspective: I see it from my point of view, and I'm rightThe Potential SeekerConversely, there is the Upper Self, the potential seeker.This version of us doesn't have its head in the sand; it sees threats, too. The difference is that it can plan, dream, create, and delay gratification. It doesn't see others as threats but as “potential allies” in the effort to survive and win. It attempts to understand reality, control emotions, and respond thoughtfully and rationally with a focus on the “we, not me.”* Mantra: We must thrive* Timeframe: Long term - delay gratification* View of Resources: There's enough if we work together* Circle of Concern: We, not just me* Perspective: Seeks different views to learn and find the truthTwo Important Tools The potential seeker uses two essential tools - time and perspective. With time, you can shift between short-term and long-term views. Potential seekers can delay gratification and work in timelines that are years or decades. This view of time helps you consider the second or third-order effects of actions, think beyond immediate rewards, and invest in genuine relationships - not transactional ones.The second is perspective shifting. In a meeting, the lone survivor sees things from their seat and is eager to share their viewpoint. While they're doing that, they aren't learning. The potential seeker gets up, goes to the other side of the table, and sits in someone else's seat. They genuinely want to see things from their perspective. By changing seats, they can now see what was behind where they were sitting before. This might include their knowledge gaps, assumptions, biases, and blind spots.Getting out of your seat takes action, walking to the other side of the table takes effort, and sitting in someone else's seat requires commitment. The lone survivor stays seated, talks more, learns less, and cares about themselves. It's not malicious; it's survival. That's fight-or-flight in action. Here are some other ways you might come across it.In product development, the lone survivor builds what they think customers need. The potential seeker works to understand the customer's pain and solve those problems. The lone survivor teacher lectures from the front but doesn't move in and connect or remember what it's like to be a novice.The most dangerous part of being a lone survivor is that it can masquerade as a potential seeker. You think you are being rational, unemotional, and doing things “as they should,” “the right way,” or “in the best interest of some constituency,” but really, you are just trying to survive. We are “maintaining standards,” “following best practices,” “protecting stakeholder interest,” or some other rationalization we use at the expense of evolution. We see this in teams, culture, and leadership.LeadershipLone Survivor In LeadershipThe lone survivor leader stays in their office, expects information to come to them, assumes they know best, and tries to control from afar. They protect status and resources, seek validation, and make decisions for self-preservation over mission—often subconsciously. Usually, these aren't bad people. They are just trying to navigate politics, have lousy role models, or are desperately afraid of losing something.Potential Seeker In LeadershipWe are all leaders—just at different scales. Potential seekers face a paradox: they want to help the larger group, but moving from lone survivor to potential seeker requires prioritizing self.I learned this the hard way. As we scaled our organization, the intensity was crushing. Demands from investors, teams, and customers kept me awake at night. I prioritized inbox, tasks, and work at the expense of relationships, sleep, and health. The lone survivor was driving.I wasn't showing up for Princess Buttercup and my not-so-little barrel-chested freedom fighters. At work, I was firefighting with little patience. I looked like a zombie—minimal sleep, no exercise, and taking time to recharge. Once, I even told senior leaders I needed words of affirmation— it was lousy leadership.Keeping the lone survivor at bay starts with self-care. That looks different for each of us. For me, it means 8 hours of sleep, quality time with my people, real exercise (not just checking the box), and solitude. I had to "Normalize No" at home and work to show up well for everyone.When the potential seeker is driving, you are not defending your position, corner office, or stock options. Instead, you make decisions that make you and the team better. Here are a few practices to consider:* Prioritize Self-Care—Do the work to put the potential seeker in the driver's seat. Start with sleep.* Speaking is teaching, listening is learning. Know which mode serves the moment.* Time and perspective shifting—View situations from other seats and timeframes. Warning: Short-term decisions usually mean less pain, and admitting you're wrong hurts. The lone survivor always minimizes pain.* Seek the truth—about yourself, the work, and how things actually are. Go where the work is happening.* Stop Trying to Prove Yourself—You usually don't have enough information, experience, or context to be the omnipotent answer giver. That's why you have a team.The Impact on CultureEvery culture has elements of both lone survivor and potential seeker. Here are some behaviors that you might notice so that you can work to shift the culture.In the lone survivor Culture:* Blames others* Thinks short-term for self-preservation* Makes fear-based, risk-averse decisions* Builds silos and barriers* Hoards information and resources* Hides mistakes and bad news* Controls and directs* Postures for power* Resists change* Operates with low trust, low truthIn the potential seeking culture: * Shares resources and information freely* Invests long-term in people and relationships* Takes shared ownership of success* Broadcasts mistakes to accelerate learning* Takes calculated risks together* Embraces evolution as survival* Values good answers over looking good* Prioritizes team and mission over self* Operates with high trust, high truthCulture is the sum of our daily interactions, and as such, it is everyone's responsibility. Lone survivors dodge this, saying, "I just work here" or "I'm just trying to survive." When you hear yourself say these things, it's time to leave.Because of their power, leaders have an outsized impact on culture. Their behavior defines what's acceptable. Show up late repeatedly? You've declared, "Respect doesn't matter." Consistently prioritize the mission over yourself, and that becomes a cultural expectation for everyone. A leader's most damaging act is making truth-telling unsafe. When leaders take disagreement as criticism and react aggressively, teams shift to survival mode—telling leaders what they want to hear, not the truth.The IronyHumans began as lone survivors or small bands, hunting and gathering scarce resources. We started thriving only when we stopped surviving alone and built communities. Together, we developed culture, advanced technology, and extended life itself. That's the irony: Working together increases individual survival. You Won't Always Do Your BestMaybe you are thinking about the work you will start today to take care of yourself so you can show up. Or you're remembering the things you've done wrong, the relationships you've lost, the wrong paths you've taken, or the lone survivor leaders that frustrate you. I'd suggest you hold those thoughts lightly. Julia Baird said,Grace is…forgiving the unforgivable, favoring the undeserving, loving the unlovable…it is the ability to see good in the other, to recognize humanity, to tolerate difference and to continually plough lives, conversations and public debates with a belief that people can change, and that what we fight for is joy and beauty, as well as equality.Often, the people around you are “just trying to survive” - literally. Maybe they are on the verge of losing something or someone important. Or the business they've poured everything into for years is almost out of cash. Or they have been fighting a battle they've unselfishly not made your problem. Give them grace.And give yourself grace—for what has happened and what will happen. You can't afford excuses, but you should give yourself grace. We are all flawed humans with biases, blind spots, fears, and sometimes trauma.While we don't always do the best we can, we usually try. Sometimes, a little grace is all we need to get back on the path towards our potential. I hope you're good. Take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

My middle one is coming home from school in a few weeks and we are going to go for a ruck. So, I'm thinking about rucksacks. //Transcript//Hey, I came across a quote this week, and I wanted to share it with you. Let me find it. Here it is. “Because here's another sneaky little truth about life. You can't be an important and life-changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarrassment to others. You just can't.”That's from Mark Manson. I was in the Army for a while and one of the skills that they taught me through an incredible amount of repetition is how to carry a rucksack. Sometimes an army issued rucksack, sometimes it wasn't, but what you do is you fill it up with the bullets, beams, band aids, whatever you need for the mission. You cross load with the guys to your left and your right because you never know who's going to go down, get lost, get blown up, and you want to have everything that you need. And then you put it on and you start walking and you don't quit. And it's about the mission. Just keep going one foot in front of another. And then one night I found myself on a hilltop. And our mission was to mark a drop zone. And it was a very small DZ right up there and it was surrounded by these thick woods. And these weren't just like, I'm going to move through the trees woods. These were just, you can't move through the trees and you got to break brush to get through lots of wait a minute, vine stopping you.And in a bout of frustration, our medic just took his rucksack off and he started throwing it into the woods, breaking a path. Not good for noise discipline whatsoever, but it worked. And he just tossed it and tossed it and tossed it and eventually got out there and he could put up the marker we needed. The aircraft came in, dropped this load and we got what we needed and we moved on. Mission accomplished. Today, I still like walking in the woods with a rucksack, a real one, but I also have a metaphorical one that I walk around with too. It's filled with my responsibilities, my hopes, my dreams, my stories, my insecurities. And on my very best days, I can stop and cross load my rucksack with the people around me. I can ask for help to the people to my left and my right. And then on my very, very, very best days, I put the rucksack down on the side of the trail and I take out all the stuff that doesn't matter anymore. My insecurities, my fear, the opinions of others. And what I'm realizing in life is that what's in your rucksack or not is what's going to help you break that path in life. So you have to be really thoughtful. What you keep and what you take out and what you're intentional about cultivating. And the other part is there's people around you to cross load.There are people who will help you bear the weight of that rucksack. It's not all on you. So be really thoughtful what you put in there and then just walk forward. Don't quit. Don't give up because you're not alone. So what's in your rucksack matters. I hope you're good out there. Take care,

"What pulls the rope in most workplaces is the elevation and promotion of self (ego), not the elevation of others, purpose, heart, and mind (soul). It's no wonder that people feel so alone in most workplaces today. Interconnectedness gets lost when you have a team or company of people who are making decisions based on their ego's needs: What would be best for their own personal goals, not their co-workers' goals; what would be best for their personal image, not their team's."- Mike Metcalf & Shaun Peet, “12 Second Culture”“Three eggs, over medium, cooked in olive oil if you can, please.” That's what I said an hour into a breakfast meeting last week.  I read somewhere that more olive oil is good for my cholesterol. I'm not sure if that is true, but I like the taste, and it reminds me of Spain.My breakfast was with someone special. The kind of person who has succeeded at the highest levels but still shows up fully present and humble. Maybe you've met the type. They don't take their eyes off you or look at their phone. They spend more time listening than talking. They radiate care and love. Somehow, you feel like you got better after spending time with them - absorbing some of them. Two hours later, that's how I felt. One lesson from him stood out: Live on the margins, be the 1%First, we aren't talking about 1% in the context of money. We're talking about mastery of your craft and your humanity. As we move through life, we use our experience and mental models to decipher the world and make decisions. Essentially, we apply a lens to each situation, and those lenses help us determine what action we take. What my new friend taught me is what I'd describe as the 1% lens.* In your mind, draw a large circle and write 80% in the middle of that circle with the word “most.”* Draw another circle around that first circle. Write 15% somewhere  with the word “some.”* Then, draw another and write 4% and “very few.”* Finally, draw a final circle around those three circles and write 1% with the words “almost no one.”You should have something like an inverted archery target, with 80% being a large inner circle and 1% being the outermost circle.These circles represent the types of choices we make in the effort to get better. Most people will choose comfort. Some will do a little more. Very few will choose pain or possible failure. And almost no one is willing to go all the way out to the margin.Choices:* Sleep in or workout* Scroll social or read a book* Roller bag or farmers carry a duffle bag* Shuffle emails or block four hours for deep work* Book another meeting or surprise your kid for an after-school ice cream date* Do that thing that scares you but puts at risk your status and resourcesWhat would the 1% do?Like you, I want to find my potential—as a professional and a human. To do that, I need to keep moving out to the margins. I need to go from doing what most will do to doing what almost no one will do.The farther we go from the crowd, the scary it gets - it's lonely out there. Potentially, it means being “weird,” looking foolish, failing, and asking for help.  You can stay in that center, that comfortable 80%, or move out to that 1%. That's where better happens - on the margins.Put on those 1% glasses. Live on the margins, friend. Don't do it for “me” do it for “we.” I hope you're good. Take care, Kelly PS - If you like this, please share it with a friend or your team. PPS - Grab Shaun Peet's book. A good human. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

No. 1In the midst of chaos, your mind cannot be chaotic. - General Jim Mattis, “Call Sign Chaos”In chaos or crisis, emotion is unhelpful and clouds judgment. Think about a 911 operator answering a frantic call. The operator is ALWAYS cool and collected while the caller panics. The operator tries to understand the situation (facts) and deploy appropriate resources. Part of their job is to calm the caller down, and they do this by staying calm. This is central to understanding reality.Leadership is the same. Because of their power, leaders have an outsized impact on the team's emotions. Be the 911 operator. Move with urgency but with calm professionalism designed to find the truth, make rational decisions, and deploy resources.When you have enough clarity on what you ‘think' needs to be done, move faster than anyone thinks possible. Speed is essential because it's likely that your first decision is wrong—or, at least, less than ideal. Moving fast allows you to learn more facts, adjust your decision, and shift resources.Remember: accomplishing the mission matters, not your ego or reputation. Humble leaders hold onto their ideas loosely. When the facts change, they change their minds.No. 2Speed kills, but slow is deadly. - General Jim Mattis, “Call Sign Chaos”You can't wait to have all the facts to decide, but you need clarity before you rush off mindlessly. Clarity includes answering questions like:* What are we doing?* Why are you doing it?* What do we believe to be true?* Did what we thought would happen, happen (thesis)? Apply these questions as a filter to your actions. When the answers change, change your actions.Go fast, but do it with clarity.I hope you're good. Take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

No. 1The will to victory may be demonstrated in places other than actual battle.A Roman general was leading his legions toward the enemy in a swampy country. He knew that the next day's battle would be fought on a certain plain because it was the only dry, flat place for miles. He pushed his army all night, marching them through a frightening and formidable swamp, so that they reached the battle site before the foe and could claim the high ground. In the aftermath of victory, the general called his troops together and asked them, “Brothers, when did we win the battle? ” One captain replied, “Sir, when the infantry attacked.” Another said, “Sir, we won when the cavalry broke through.” “No,” said the general. “We won the battle the night before—when our men marched through that swamp and took the high ground.”The real battle happens before the opportunity or crisis—maybe years before. It's fought in the quiet hours, when no one is watching, through reflection, training, practice, preparation, and self-confrontation. This puts you in a position to do what others can't or won't. Growth happens when you are vulnerable—out in the storm, trudging through the swamp, trying to reach higher ground.No. 2This is another key element of the Warrior Ethos: the willing and eager embracing of adversity.In 1912, the Antarctic explorer Ernest Shackleton was seeking volunteers for an expedition to the South Pole. He placed the following ad in the London Times: Men wanted for hazardous journey, small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful; honor and recognition in case of success.The next morning, 5000 men lined up to volunteer.The payoff for a life of adversity is freedom.Adversity is an opportunity to earn a type of freedom that cannot be given or bought—freedom from our fears, limitations, and external pressures.I hope you're good. Take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Here are two quotes from The CEO Test by Adam Bryant and Kevin Sharer. The book's content is simple, practical, and actionable for most leaders. Quote No. 1“A helpful acronym for leaders to keep in mind is WAIT, which stands for, "Why Am I Talking?" because anything a leader says can quickly overwhelm a discussion and make people shut down.Asking yourself, “Why am I talking?” helps determine whether it's more valuable to listen or contribute at that moment. Sometimes, listening is contributing. Leaders often dominate conversations due to their authority. As leaders, we must seek to understand and share the truth. That requires a balance of communication. Quote No. 2“What is clear and simple in the leader's head is often not as clear and simple to everyone else. Because of the powerful gravitational pull in business to make things more complicated…a leader's job is to provide the counterweight of a relentless drive to simplify complexity, and to develop a jargon-free plan for winning that everyone understands, remembers, and knows how to contribute. The simple plan will evolve over time…but the point is to start with a clear plan so you know what to adjust and why when market conditions change….The skill of simplifying complexity is not widely shared, and leaders need to make a conscious effort to practice it themselves and demand it from others.” (lightly edited for clarity)The idea that leaders are a “counterweight to complexity” is powerful. Being a leader means being a simplifier. To execute, you and your team must understand reality, which means wading through complexity to find the truth. Ask yourself:* Do I understand the truth? Understanding requires discipline, curiosity, humility, and actively fostering a culture of truth-seeking and truth-speaking.* Does everyone understand the truth? – Simplifying complex information is required to create actionable communication.* Are our actions aligned with reality? – A well-crafted email is nice, but execution is what counts. Everyone should understand what you're trying to do, why it's important, the “why” of decisions, what you're struggling with, and what excellence looks like in behavior and execution. Actions:* Prioritize communication. Where will you be intentional this week? This should include how you and your junior leaders are mastering the craft of communication, including listening. * Ensure your team understands the what, why, and how of their work.* Challenge your assumptions. Just because it's clear to you doesn't mean it is clear to everyone else. I consistently fall into this trap. * Develop feedback loops to assess clarity and surface ideas, questions, and truth.* Be explicit about the “why” in everything to foster better decision-making and understanding.* Don't assume people have heard your message or that they understand it—repetition is essential.I hope you're good. Take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

A dear friend recommended the book Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. It took me a year to read it, which was a waste of a year. This week I scrolled through my highlights and I feel compelled to share a few with you. You don't have to see where you're going, you don't have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard. A sober friend once said to me, “When I was still drinking, I was a sedated monster. After I got sober, I was just a monster.” He told me about his monster. His sounded just like mine without quite so much mascara. When people shine a little light on their monster, we find out how similar most of our monsters are. The secrecy, the obfuscation, the fact that these monsters can only be hinted at, gives us the sense that they must be very bad indeed. But when people let their monsters out for a little onstage interview, it turns out that we've all done or thought the same things, that this is our lot, our condition. We don't end up with a brand on our forehead. Instead, we compare notes.On a bad day you also don't need a lot of advice. You just need a little empathy and affirmation. You need to feel once again that other people have confidence in you.We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It's like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can't stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship.As part of my job, I've had hundreds, if not thousands, of opportunities to hear people's stories. They have been generous in sharing. Here's what I've learned.The narratives vary, but the stories are strikingly similar when you peel away the layers and the armor. The parents who perceive themselves as not good enough, the young professionals who think they are behind in life, the mid-lifers that don't think they did enough, or the leaders who are about to cave under pressure. Or, the countless people I've met that have beaten all the odds—going from nothing to being everything despite their fears, handicaps, and struggles.While we are diverse, everyone is working through something—fear, loss, desire, love, failure, and even success. Someone you know is losing a loved one to illness, another is struggling with an addiction, someone else just lost their relationship, and another isn't sleeping because someone in their life is in pain. Others are waking up wondering how they got so lucky, with a slight tinge of, “I hope I don't screw it up.” Still others had the courage to pursue their path, not the one their parents or society wanted for them. They are still fighting a struggle. People have reasons for their actions—or inactions. Sometimes these reasons are rational, sometimes they aren't, but in the moment, they usually make sense.This week, I'm reminding myself that everyone has a story, and understanding those stories helps us understand each other. I'm thinking about how my relationships and friendships would change if I went even deeper. I know I still throw up walls and don't always listen. I can be better.We won't always fully understand everyone, and that's okay. What matters is that we keep trying and remember to be kind and empathetic. Everyone is worth getting to know. After all, we're all just stories—hoping someone will listen.I hope you're good. Take care, Kelly PS: Here are my highlights from Bird by Bird by Anne LamottPPS: Thanks again for the recommendation. You know who you are. I'll listen more carefully next time. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

I've been thinking about and talking about this topic a lot recently, and I found myself revisiting this post, so I'm resurfacing it for you today. I originally published this in July 2022.Note: This post is made for listening, but I've included the transcript if you'd rather read.TRANSCRIPT[00:00:00] Hey there. I wanted to follow up on my other note about one of two things leaders are responsible for. The second one is compensation. And there's a whole lot to unpack there, so let's try to do it through a little bit of a story. I'm going to answer a question I get all the time, and that's “why did you join the army?”[00:00:18] And the reason is pretty simple, it was about compensation.Why did I join the army? [00:00:22] Let's go back 20 years, and it's 9/11. I remember very clearly where I was maybe like, most of you. I was at The Breakers, which is a posh hotel in Palm Beach, Florida.That Tuesday morning, I found myself in a meeting room getting ready to give a presentation on a new piece of software. News started to trickle in that something had happened in New York and it wasn't clear how bad it was.More information would come and we'd realize that something horrific had happened.[AUDIO CLIP]It was a very emotional day for everyone, and we'd spend the balance of it huddled around the TV, listening and trying to learn what was going on? I'm trying to understand what was happening in new Yorkers, what would happen to our country, and what our future would be like? What we did know is it was all going to be very different.A DecisionA couple of days later, I woke up and I made a decision. Channeling a very famous scene from the movie Patton and my grandfather, I decided that I wanted to join the Marine Corps. In fact, I wanted to be a pilot. So I marched down to the Marine Corps recruiting office and I started that process.Over the course of the next few months, and a lot of tests and a lot of things, the Marine Corps told me that I wasn't cut out to do that. They wanted me to be an infantry officer and that's not what I wanted. I think if I look back, it was purely a lack of commitment on my side. Maybe too slow, maybe too colorblind, but if I wanted it, I probably could have gotten it.[00:03:48] And if I'm being honest, I quit. Now the good news is a couple of weeks later I'd say something that would change my life forever and really impact everyone around me.At the hotel, there was a long hallway, a very narrow hallway, the kind where you have to step aside so two people can pass each other. On the walls, they had motivational posters from the 1990s, complete with eagles soaring and all the things. Now, this was the time before we all started pushing pixels via email and you had to get your information from printed documents. Down on the right, there is a small room about the size of a closet. This was a mail room. This is where those documents ended up in little slots on the wall.[00:04:33] I remember that day. I remember what the room smelled like, the temperature, and a beige phone sitting on the counter. My vision started to blur and that phone was my focus and I said out loud, "If there's ever another war, I'm gonna enlist."Don't pass go. Don't collect $200. Skip all your egotistical dreams about being a Marine or a Naval aviator or any of those things. Just go get in the fight, Vohs. Now looking back, that was a little naive - but that's what happened.I had a deep, deep, emotional desire to serve a country that had given me so much. I knew for the rest of my life, that it was going to give me more. I needed to do something about it. I needed to serve. At my core, I wanted to defend freedom as hokey as that sounds. That's my, "why."[00:05:26] It's also part of the reason why I ended up picking to go and special forces because their motto is De Oppresso Liber - "to free the oppressed". Now if I reflect back and go a little deeper, there are other emotions at play here, some of them were, self-centered like a desire for admiration and an immature understanding of war highly influenced by Hollywood.So not long after that speech to myself, we would end up invading Iraq. And whether you agree with the politics or not, that at 26 year old, we returned to that moment in that mail room and that beige telephone and he got to work. Two weeks later, on my mom's birthday, I would end up enlisting. Happy birthday, mom.[00:06:09] Here's the deal. My ratio changed. My compensation ratio.The Compensation Ratio & The Three Types of CompensationEconomical[00:06:21] The first is economical. What am I going to get paid? We all need or want to put food on the table, steaks in the freezer, and Tesla's on the charger. Now as leaders, there are a couple of questions we should ask about the economical form of compensation for our team.* Are people being paid well, and how does it compare to the market?* What would it cost to replace this role?* And most importantly, do they feel valued for what you're paying them?ExperientialThe second is experiential. Everyone, whether they realize it or not wants to grow and get better.* Ask yourself, are you providing an opportunity for people to gain experience? * Are you providing them with opportunities for education? * Is there learning curve steep?A near-vertical learning curve is better. A job that challenges you 90% of the time is the right job. Now here's the thing, I use the word opportunity intentionally because you can't lead a horse to water and make' them drink. But you need to give the team opportunities to learn and grow.Emotional[00:07:20] The last one, and the most important if you asked me, is emotional.The one truly non-renewable resource we have is time. We can't get it back. We want to spend our time doing good things with good people. Things that matter with people we love. We want to wake up and look at our calendar on that little Star Trek inspired device and say, it's going to be a good day. We want to have a deep, emotional connection to the people around us and to the mission. This is where leaders come in. They shine a light on the path. This is the mission, this is where we're headed, and this is why we're going to spend our most valuable currency, time, going after it.What's the right ratio?What's the correct ratio? Only you can answer that and it's probably going to change over the course of your life. Everyone's different.For the most part, there are deep reasons why we do what we do. Stories usually go back to our childhood. Around money, love, admiration, and the other things that have shaped us.[00:08:18] As you think about why people stay on your team or why you do what you do. It's always about compensation.* Do we pay them well?* Are they growing and learning?* Are they connected to what they do and who they do it with?If you don't provide them those opportunities, I promise you, somebody else will.We Want Missionaries, Not Mercenaries[00:08:36] Let's pause for a moment and talk about money. We all have different desires for various reasons. Maybe you need to put food on the table, maybe you want a submarine or a helicopter, and maybe you just need to pay for your great aunt's nursing home that you don't tell anybody about. We may never be able to understand everybody's wants or needs, just let them be them.That said, we have to be very careful when somebody's compensation ratio is near a hundred percent focused on economics. Let's put those living paycheck to paycheck or near poverty aside for a moment. If you have someone on your team that's coming in every single day and all they care about is how much they are making, that's a problem. And that can be caustic. After all, we want missionaries, not mercenaries.My Ratio Changed, Again[00:09:23] Speaking of missions and mercenaries, I would end up getting out of the army and it was because my compensation ratio changed, again.Specifically the emotional part. The mission changed. Princess Buttercup and I had welcomed three barrel-chested freedom fighters into the family. And now it became less about fighting for freedom and more about fighting for them.The new mission for me was to be the very best father and husband I could possibly be. And I felt that I wasn't going to be able to be that person that I wanted to be. [AUDIO CLIP]There are green Berets out there that are able to do both - be an incredible father/husband and be a Green Beret, but that wasn't me. I tip my hat to them, but I had to hang up my little green hat so that I could focus on those little men.My gut is that as I get older and wiser, my compensation ratio is not done changing. I continue to get clearer and clearer on what is most important to me in life and what my humans around me need from me.Well, I hope you found this helpful. These are just some thoughts from a guy making it up as he goes. And if you did find it helpful, please share it with someone. And whatever you do, take care out there.If you liked this, do me a favor and please hit like (algorithms after all) and forward it to at least one person who might like it too. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

The most powerful force that could be potentially harnessed is dogged incremental constant progress over a very long time frame.-Peter KaufmanI can't be the only one who lets out a little sigh when the elevator stops on the way down. It's too early, and this box feels too small. Can I just get to the bottom of the building and out to my daily caffeine spot with as little human interaction as possible, please? Usually, but not always, the newcomer gets a small smile from me, and maybe even a "good morning," just to show I'm perpetually scowling—or at least not at that moment. I'll come back to elevators in a minute.Peter Kaufman was the CEO of Glenair, a Berkshire Hathaway company. He also wrote Charlie Munger's Almanack. I've come across Kaufman's insights over the years, including notes from a class he gave that I had to promise not to share. They were incredible. Thankfully, Kaufman has also spoken publicly. Recently, my journal reminded me of a speech he gave to an economics class, and it was wonderful. I'll include the full transcript here—it's worth your time—but I wanted to summarize a few thoughts that stood out.Five Levels of Cognitive Prowess (from Albert Einstein):5. Smart 4. Intelligent 3. Brilliant 2. Genius 1. Simple "Simple" doesn't mean unsophisticated. The world may seem complicated, but it's not. Too often, we want the world to work our way instead of understanding how it really works. Few people can simplify how the world works. Kaufman shares this simple truth:“Every interaction you have with another human being is merely mirrored reciprocation.”In an elevator, if you smile and greet someone warmly, there's a 98% chance they'll respond in kind. Occasionally, you'll get a negative reaction. You might feel embarrassed or even threatened. To avoid that risk, we don't go all-in. We waste opportunities because we don't want to look foolish. Kaufman quotes Lou Brock: “Show me a man who is afraid of appearing foolish, and I'll show you a man who can be beaten every time.” Now, here's the real secret Kaufman shares:Everyone on the planet wants the same thing and…we spend our lives looking for someone who is:* Trustworthy* Principled* Courageous* Competent* Loyal* Kind* Understanding* Forgiving* UnselfishHe adds, “Most people spend all day long trying to get other people to like them. They do it wrong. You do this list, you won't be able to keep the people away. Everybody's going to want to attach to you.”Then comes the real wisdom:All you have to do, if you want everything in life from everybody else, is first pay attention, listen to them, show them respect, give them meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment. Convey to them that they matter to you. And show you love them. But you have to go first. And what are you going to get back? Mirrored reciprocation. Like the elevator, we have to go first. If we do these things, there's a 98% chance they'll be reciprocated. Sometimes, people won't respond, and someone may take advantage of you, but that's a risk worth taking. Bono from U2 said something similar: “I know 10% of people are going to screw me. That's OK. If I'm not willing to be vulnerable to that 10%, I'll miss out on the other 90%.”Try it—at home, at work, or on your next elevator ride. Try it with your partner, child, colleague, boss, or the kid scooping out that cookie indulgence you love. Show up, put your phone away, and pay attention. Show them respect and make them feel like they matter. Chances are, they'll return the favor.This is how the world works: people mirror what you give them. People want to be seen, loved, and live fulfilling lives. They want to be around people they trust. When you find someone who has your back and wants to help you win, you'll do the same for them. It's simple, but we need the courage to go first.We get back what we give. Hope you're good.Take care, bye. -KellyThanks for reading Better Today Than Yesterday (BTTY)! Subscribe for free. Here is the full transcript: http://latticeworkinvesting.com/2018/04/06/peter-kaufman-on-the-multidisciplinary-approach-to-thinking/ This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

"…tranquility…comes when you stop caring what they say, think, or do. Only what you do." - Marcus AureliusThere is some change happening in my life. A new job, a kid left for college, and a few other things that add complexity and a touch of anxiety. Most of this change is good, some of it not. All of it is part of life. Wrestling with a few thoughts and some internal disturbance, I went back to re-read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Often, it's not the books you read that make a difference in your life. It's the ones you re-read. This passage stood out."If you seek tranquility, do less. More accurately, do what is essential. Which brings the double satisfaction: do less, better."Do Less, BetterHe is, if nothing, concise. Here's what I take away."Do Less" - means simplifying your life and removing the unessential. Complexity adds stress, simplicity removes it."Better" - by doing less, you have the space to focus on the essentials and get better. He goes on,"Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you'll have more time and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, "Is this necessary?"So. Do less, better.I imagine the old emperor, the last of the "five good emperors," evaluating everything through this lens. Every conversation, every piece of food on his plate, and even every thought. Is this necessary? Is it good? For the unfamiliar, he's writing these notes to himself in his journal. He closes this passage with more advice to himself,"But we need to eliminate unnecessary assumptions as well. To eliminate the unnecessary actions."Much of what we think is both unessential and often untrue. We spend time on unnecessary thoughts, assumptions, and perceptions. We add stress, work, and worry because of the stories we create. I was creating stories. What does this person think, what does that mean, and what will happen if this doesn't happen?Whether those thoughts were true or not doesn't matter - they were a waste of time and energy. The more we try to do, the less we do well. Mastery comes through focus. For me, the most essential task is to master my thoughts. Keep the essential and toss the unessential (and untrue) because, ultimately, my thoughts are the one thing I control. Those thoughts lead to my actions and ultimately who I become. I hope you're good. Take care, bye. -KellyThanks for reading Better Today Than Yesterday (BTTY)! Subscribe for free. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

I believe the most effective type of team is a “Human Team.”These teams accept their members for their individual strengths and struggles. They want the entire human to show up, not just the tip of the iceberg. These teams are about helping each other, and the collective "us," find our potential. If you are on one of these teams, you feel it. It's different, and you show up and do the best work of your life because you don't want to let your teammates down.Recently, I read a passage in the book 12 Second Culture. Mike Metcalf and Shaun Peet are NASCAR pit crew coaches. In their book, they do a much better job of describing a human team than I can. Here it is:"As a leader, you can cultivate either an integrated or a compartmentalized culture. An integrated culture incorporates every aspect of those you are leading—their unique personalities, their personal lives, and their needs. It integrates their spirit and soul, their heart and mind, their loved ones, and their deep passions. It is essentially seeing someone for the fullness of who they are. This fullness always extends far beyond the workplace.A compartmentalized culture, on the other hand, treats those you are leading as robots—bodies for labor and ends to a means in the binary tunnel of achieving or underachieving. Compartmentalization creates a certain unawareness about people's situations and deeper needs. It satisfies the fundamental needs of shelter, food, and clothing through compensation but falls short of addressing the higher needs of authenticity, belonging, development, and fulfillment. It forces employees to create boundaries between themselves, leadership, and daily objectives: to suppress who they are and to view the workplace as nothing more than a place to subsidize a life they wish they could spend more time in.Could it be possible that empathy—elevating the humanity of every person and, therefore, their personal sufferings—taps into who we each innately are, cultivates togetherness, multiplies a deep sense of meaning on your team, integrates the personal with the professional, and ultimately inspires a more positive and efficient culture?" (Mike Metcalf & Shaun Peet, 12 Second Culture)I've been lucky over my life to be a member of a few teams that I would call Human. None of them perfect, and that makes sense. But all of them have cared enough about me to help me make progress on finding my potential.---These changes ensure consistency in capitalization and punctuation, as well as clarity in your message.Hope you're good. Take care, bye. -KellyHit like and share it with a friend. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Two Quotes“One of the things we try to do at Amazon is minimize the amount of energy that's wasted on maintaining power and control and ego, as opposed to what really matters, which is helping our customers.” - Jeff Bezos"To be everywhere is to be nowhere." – SenecaA Lesson LearnedThis past week, I learned about Amazon's single-threaded leader model. I'll explain that in a minute, but first, an admission. I once thought I could do it all, whether for ego reasons or to prove my self-worth. Whenever something needed to be done, I'd volunteer without considering the impact it would have at home or work. I kept adding more and more, which took a toll on my health, relationships, and, ultimately, my performance. Over the years, I learned:* Multitasking is impossible. It's just high-frequency switching, and it's expensive. * Focus over a long period is how you achieve excellence.* Saying no is a superpower.These mistakes are costly to us as individuals — they are deadly when they occur at scale inside an organization. Single Threaded LeaderAmazon's Single Threaded Leader model assigns one person fully dedicated to owning or driving a specific project, product, or initiative. This leader is not responsible for multiple tasks or areas but wakes daily, focused entirely on one thing. Their sole responsibility is to ensure this initiative receives the necessary attention and resources.The success of the Single Threaded Leader model hinges on several critical factors:* Focus, focus, focus: They have only one job. This eliminates switching costs that tax other leaders and allows them to dive deep into details. Positioned to understand reality, they can make faster and more informed decisions.* One owner: They are ultimately responsible for strategy, execution, and results. The owner is accountable for success or failure.* Autonomy Reduces Friction: Dependencies often create a ‘speed tax' or a ‘quality tax' because dependencies require communication and negotiation. Reducing dependencies is crucial. * Be quick and iterate: This structure allows the leader to rapidly iterate without the distractions of managing multiple projects or dependencies. They still need to manage stakeholders, but their mandate is clear: keep working on the problem until you get it right.It might be easy to dismiss this with a comment like, “Amazon has the resources to do this.” I agree—they do. However, be careful not to rationalize away your own mistakes by blaming your operating environment. I know I've done it, and I still do. Here are a few other things that feel important to underscore. * If it's important, commit. Side projects rarely get the attention and resources required to succeed. Put your best people on your biggest opportunities and be prepared for it to take longer and be more expensive than you thought. * Don't bury important initiatives deep in the organization. Don't worry about conventional organizational charts or little boxes. Focus on what your organization needs to be the most effective. Ultimately, that's your job.* Fight Bureaucracy: Innovating requires moving quickly and iterating. Bureaucracy creeps in when you lack talent density, have low trust, or have high fear—usually all three.Given the volume of information and the speed at which we operate, focus is more complicated than ever — personally and professionally. Here are a few questions I'm asking myself: * What are examples of where my expectations of people are bigger than the resources I've given them? * Where have I not put the best people on the most significant opportunities? Instead, I leave them where they are because I'm scared. * Am I still stuck in thinking about organizational charts in a conventional way? The NVIDIA CEO has 35+ direct reports, and the company is the second most valuable in the world. It is an outlier, to be sure, but it is still worth challenging yourself. * Where am I still saying yes to things I don't want to do? Personally and professionally. I hope you're good. If you liked this, please hit like to let me know and share it with someone else who might like it, too. Take care, bye. -KellyThanks for reading Better Today Than Yesterday (BTTY)! Subscribe for free to receive new a short post every Sunday. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Are you on a team or just a group working in parallel?The word "team" dates back to the 8th century and originally referred to a group of animals harnessed together to pull a cart or plow. By the 15th century, it had evolved to its modern meaning—a group of people working together, particularly in competitive contexts like sports or battles.Today, "team" means collaboration, mutual support, shared objectives, and winning.A couple of yaks harnessed together to pull a cart are just two yaks pulling a cart. Many so-called teams are like this—maybe your team is too. Just people working in parallel, trying to survive. The best teams work to reach a point that I call "no space between."Hold your hand and spread your fingers out as wide as possible, like holding your hand up and telling someone you will be there in five minutes. Now, bring your fingers together, with your thumb and fingers pointing up like you are holding your hand up to tell someone to stop. This is the difference between teams with space between and those with no space between. Here's what I'd say to a team as we work to have no space between:1. Trust - We help each other win. Period.Great teams don't question whether or not someone has their back: no games, no politics, no half-truths, and no trying to outdo each other. The competition is out there. We don't have room for it in here.Allowing issues to create space between us creates a crack in our team's wall. Cracks are normal and part of teaming. If we don't address these cracks, they get bigger, and eventually, we will fail. A great team doesn't let cracks grow. When you see or feel a crack, you have to fix it. Honest conversations are the mortar that repairs these cracks.Remember, trust is different for each of us. Some trust entirely at the start. For others, trust takes time. You can't force trust. It is an action-by-action affair. Everything you do builds or degrades trust with the people around you.2. Be aggressive about transparent communicationInformation is motivation and a resource in the mission. Confidentiality is the enemy of trust. Great teams are transparent to a level that often feels uncomfortable to more conventional folks. They are clear on what they will and won't share but err on the side of sharing.Often, we get caught in the trap that, just because it's in our head, we think everyone knows. Everyone doesn't know. You must keep repeating yourself. Once you start hearing others say it, it's getting through. When they start making fun of you, it has taken hold.When General Mattis took over Central Command (CENTCOM), he made everyone put post-it notes on their phones: “What do I know? Who needs to know? And what have I told them?”3. Seek and tell the truthWe have honest conversations about the work, interactions, and ourselves. We are curious because we want to understand reality. We ask a lot of questions and relentlessly seek the truth. Our biases, history, and ego can color our perspective. We know that. When we find opportunities or issues that impact the mission, we don't wait—we address them head-on. People's lives may not be on the line, but their livelihoods are.Honest and meaningful conversations strengthen our wall. Two ways to start these conversations are, “The story I'm telling myself is _____” or “The way I see things from my perspective is _____. Please help me understand what I'm missing.” Then, listen, don't talk.4. Dissent is a responsibilityWe challenge and disagree. Even if we agree, we argue the other side to expose the flaws. It's always respectful and is about finding the correct answer, not our answer.Once we decide, and there is no silent voting, we stand shoulder to shoulder with the decision. There is no "we decided, but I was against it." Instead, it's, "We debated deeply, and this is our decision, which we all support 100%."5. Honor the MissingGreat teams don't talk about each other behind their backs. Gossip is a four-letter word on these teams. Sometimes, you need to talk about someone when they aren't there—that's okay. But when you do, you must tell them what you said. Don't say anything you wouldn't say to someone's face. No exceptions.When making decisions, look around and see whose perspective isn't heard. Maybe it's because they aren't in the room or don't feel they can openly share.6. We care deeplyThe best teams have a mission that each person connects with emotionally and is clear on their role in the mission. We work to establish deep connections with each other and become masters of our craft.Time is our one nonrenewable resource. We want to spend it doing things that matter to us with people who matter to us, and we won't let them down.7. Values SynchronicityOur work is solving problems—that's why we exist. We want our teammates to have diverse backgrounds and beliefs to solve various issues. We also want people who are culturally aligned. For example, to be on this team, you must be kind, helpful, thoughtful, and respectful. Your default must be humility, doing the right thing, honesty, transparency, and taking personal responsibility, to name a few.8. Minimize the EgoWe work hard to check our individual and collective egos at the door. We know egos cause us to take things personally, be defensive, or look down on others. We have a hierarchy and titles for decision-making, not wielding power. We work hard to ensure every member feels safe to bring their ideas, arguments, and self to the team. Minimizing ego also puts the team and mission ahead of personal gain. If someone is overly worried about how decisions impact them personally, they will struggle to do what's right for the mission and team.9. Be respectfulWe use words like "please" and "thank you." We respect people's time, show up, and focus. We respect opinions, even when they differ from our own. We practice deep listening and loving speech. We understand that not being 100% honest with someone is incredibly disrespectful and unkind.10. Follow through on your promisesGreat teams hold each other accountable, regardless of rank or title. We are clear on the objectives and work to ensure everyone has the resources to deliver on what we are asking. Once we do this, we each need to do our jobs. We tell people when we're asking them to stretch and where failure is not acceptable. People won't be perfect, especially if we ask them to do the biggest job of their lives. Often, people need someone to believe in them before they believe in themselves. A team leader's job is to help people find their potential. Sometimes, that requires patience and support.If we've been clear with each other and someone isn't delivering, we address it. We are humans, so it's complicated. Maybe they need help to get through something hard. Or maybe they aren't right for the team and must leave. Be honest, that's respectful. When leading and managing humans, ask yourself, “How would I want someone to treat me?” Usually, that's the correct answer.If we aren't delivering as a team, we need to have the courage to change—either what we're doing, how we're doing it, or who is doing it. We won't let our collective ego or sunk costs get in the way of the correct answer.11. Spend energy wiselyWe only have so much energy - spend it solving the problems that help us accomplish the mission. We must spend as little of it as possible on fear or status.Clear, consistent, and authentic communication builds trust and reduces fear. This trust helps us create a team where we don't worry about mistakes, failure, or saying or doing the wrong thing. You aren't fearless at this point, but you do fear less. When we fear less, we can be more creative and courageous. This is one reason why trust is essential. When we don't trust each other, we aren't a team. We are just working in parallel, trying to survive by protecting our status and resources.Leaders, by virtue of their position, have a significant impact here. If your ‘boss' is transparent about where you stand and where you can go, it reduces your fear (assuming you trust them). When leaders are transparent with their team, they leave little room for them to tell themselves stories. They might still worry but worry about the same things the leader is worrying about, not something they are imagining. Leaders can't solve everyone's problems. We each need to take responsibility for ourselves and manage the voices in our heads. The negative ones are fear, uncertainty, criticism, and doubt. Remember the acronym FUC'D. If you don't get those voices under control, you are FUC'D. Insecurity is often the biggest killer of careers. Manage your energy and know when you need to take time to get your head straight. The team is counting on you.12. Lead by exampleYou have to model the behavior you want. What you say doesn't matter; what you do matters.If you aren't happy with your team's culture or performance, start by looking in the mirror. You can't control other people, only yourself. Start there and show them what it means to be transparent, humble, decisive, courageous, truth-seeking, and resilient. Show them what care looks like and what it means to help others win. Show them excellence. Leadership isn't a title. It's action. Everyone is responsible for building a team with no space between.13. Better Today Than Yesterday (BTTY)Parties and perks don't make teams—humans do—interaction by interaction, decision by decision. There are so few real teams because it's hard and takes time. You can't fix it all in a day. It has been famously said that “we overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in ten years.”Incremental improvement that compounds is difficult to beat. Each day, show up and work to make the team, business, and yourself just a little better. A 1% improvement every day builds on itself. Big goals help you know where you are going, but the little things you do each day make that a reality.When you go to bed at night, ask yourself, “Did my actions today make the team better or worse?” Sometimes, those actions might be counterintuitive. It might mean you need to take a day off. Or it could even mean firing a customer who is not good for your team. What is the next right thing? Do enough of those, and can you wake up in the morning and say, “We are better today than we were yesterday.”This is about iteration and requires you to not shy away from hard conversations or decisions, particularly about yourself.Ask Yourself:* Do you have a team or people working in parallel, trying to survive?* From this list, decide what is working and not working on your team.* From that, what do you think you should focus on? Just one. * Where can you change how you behave to move the humans on your team closer together? How is your behavior causing cracks?When there is no space between, it will be easy to know—you will feel it and see it in your results.Hope you're good. Take care, bye. -KellyHit like and share it with a friend. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Clarity is arguably a leader's first job. Why are we here? What are we doing? How do we work?MISSION = WHYThis is why we exist—the mission. It's the guiding principle that serves as the foundation for all work. When you talk about it, you should feel your energy rise. When it gets hard, this is what gets you to the other side of the hard. The mission should be clear and have deep meaning to everyone.STRATEGY = WHATThis is the plan of action to achieve the mission. This is where analytical thinking, understanding reality, and committing resources intersect.Strategy is the high-level direction, and tactics are the specific actions. One way to think about it is like a road trip. "We're headed east" is the strategy. The turn-by-turn directions, the vehicle choice, who drives when, and keeping those fed who get hangry are the tactics.Don't fall into the trap of believing that you must have all the answers just because you are in charge. Sometimes, you must drive, navigate, pay for gas, nap, or change a tire. Your role should constantly change depending on what the team needs from you. And don't forget, if you could do this yourself, you wouldn't have a team.CULTURE = HOWThe behavior of each person as they execute the work forms your culture. This happens interaction by interaction and decision by decision. Will I say "please" and "thank you"? Will I punish someone for taking a calculated risk that failed? You need to be intentional about the behavior you expect. The values on the wall often get mocked because they aren't lived. If the values are lived, people won't laugh at them—they'll be proud of them. But if you say you want transparency but hoard information, they should make fun of you. If you say respect is a value but show up late to meetings, talk over people, and never listen, then you don't believe in respect. Remember, the more power a person has, the more impact their behavior has on shaping culture.In 2009, Reed Hastings, the founder of Netflix, published a 125-page slide deck on their values. That's right, 125 pages. It begins with:Be Clear On How - That Drives EverythingReading Scaling People by Claire Johnson, I stumbled upon Stripe's Operating Principles. They are great. Here's one I like:“Solve problems. Be a persistent force for progress. Our leaders must work with their teams and across Stripe to quickly and effectively solve problems—especially when they're hard.”Amazon's leadership principles are great, too. The original version of these was sent out by Bezos after his head of HR spent nine months interviewing people to figure out what really mattered in their culture. It has grown from 9 to 14 principles since then. Here's a favorite:“Earn Trust: Leaders listen attentively, speak candidly, and treat others respectfully. They are vocally self-critical, even when doing so is awkward or embarrassing. Leaders do not believe their or their team's body odor smells of perfume. They benchmark themselves and their teams against the best.”You can have a clear mission, strategy, and tactics, but it doesn't matter if you fail to execute. Execution is all about the "how." Be clear on the behavior you want to hire, reward, and promote. Ultimately, this will be your culture. Hastings says it best, “Values are what we value.”Here's a link to all three. They are worth a few minutes of your time.Stripe Operating PrinciplesAmazon Leadership PrinciplesNetflix Culture (2009 Version)Hit like and share it with a friend. Hope you're good. Take care, bye. -KellyFrom the Archive This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

Some people give space, others take it.Givers let you talk.Takers do the talking.Givers give credit and take the blame.Takers take credit and give blame.Givers seek answers.Takers are the ones with all the answers.Givers focus on improving.Takers are busy proving.We don't ever exclusively play the role of space taker or space giver. Our role should change depending on the situation. Sometimes, you need to be a space taker. Sometimes, a space giver. The question to ask yourself constantly is, “Right now, am I helping or hurting?” If you don't know the answer, ask the people around you. They know. When we listen, we learn. We're getting better at our craft and connecting the dots. We're leveraging everyone around us to come up with the right answers, not just our answers. We can foster a culture of listening and learning or one focused on proving.The team will take the attitude and behaviors of its leaders. Behave accordingly.If you liked this, hit like and share it with a friend. Hope you're good. Take care, bye. -KellyFrom the Archive This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

I'm working on something that I call a MAP: Me, a Page. The idea is to give someone my instruction manual. I have quirks, beliefs, pet peeves, and ways of working. Why keep them a secret and make them learn it the hard way? They likely aren't permanent or perfect, but they are me at this moment.In the process of doing that, I thought I'd write down my values. That seemed simple enough, but it's not. Sitting next to Princess Buttercup, I took out a notebook and wrote down a few words. One of them was wisdom. As she read, and we both enjoyed some salt air, I thought about wisdom. What does it mean? How do you define it? So I asked a friend. Here is what ChatGPT said:“Wisdom is the ability to make sound judgments and decisions based on knowledge, experience, and insight. It involves understanding the deeper meaning of life, seeing things clearly, and acting with prudence and integrity.”With that in mind, I started writing what I thought was important. What insights do I currently hold true? As far as the “deeper meaning of life,” I don't have that answer. If you do, please let me know. Here's the list I came up with. Like everything I share weekly, it could be right or wrong. I'm just making it up as I go. You probably are, too. I feel obligated to stress that this list is not complete. Each week, I try to share the lessons I learn and how I'm trying to get better. So, I'm sharing it live. Maybe one or two of these resonate with you.* Understand and embrace reality. Resisting or resenting will not help. Focus on what you can control. Life is problem-solving. Get good at solving problems and/or letting them go.* Love people and events. Good or bad, both are temporary and almost always helpful for learning. Be tolerant, humble, and curious. Love helps. Hate hurts.* Truth requires curiosity. Seek and speak only the truth, especially about yourself. Understand who you really are and act accordingly. Self-awareness and self-control. Don't conform to external expectations or superficial desires. Your maximum impact lies at the intersection of what the world needs and what you love.* Pride dulls the senses. Don't let your ego stop you from learning and loving. A willingness to look foolish is a superpower.* Everyone struggles with something. Ask enough questions, and you'll find out. Everyone is fighting a battle. * Respond, don't react. Emotions cloud judgment and reality — particularly anger, fear, pride, and sadness. Don't suppress them; work to understand and master them. If your inside game is strong, your outside game will be too. We have absolute control over our thoughts. Nothing else.* Do good, not bad, and know the difference. Good comes from good action, and evil comes from vice and moral failure.* It's not about you. It's about us. We are all connected, and we each have a duty to contribute to our shared harmony.* Don't time travel. Past regrets and future anxieties are distractions and rarely real.* Simple is better. Focus on what really matters. Think and live simply.* Just because you can win the game doesn't mean you should play. This applies to relationships, jobs, missions, and ideas. Quit when you realize you're playing the wrong game, but make sure you're quitting for the right reasons. It's easy to lie to yourself when it gets hard. Most good things are hard at some point.* Appreciation takes effort. Bad things are a threat, so they're easier to see. It takes effort to see the good and the progress in yourself, others, and society.* Happiness is a choice. It's not always easy, but still a choice. The distance between your perception and your expectation is your amount of unhappiness. Change your perception or your expectation to close that distance. Also, it's okay to be sad sometimes. Bad things happen.* Usually, it's enough, and you're enough. Just enjoy it. It doesn't have to be any different than this moment. Take care, bye. -KellyIf you liked this, hit like and share it with a friend. From The Archive This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

A few years ago, I was part of a technology transformation at a company. Transformation is really just a big word for fixing everything that's broken. A friend who was leading the project looked at me and said, "Listen, you can have it fast, good, or cheap, but you can't have all three. You get to pick two." That applies not only to technology but probably a lot of things in life.Lessons From Changing TiresI just finished a book by a couple of former athletes who now coach NASCAR pit crews. Like the vehicles, the pitting exercise is based mainly on rules and should be the same for everyone. Their job is to coach the team to pit a race car successfully in 12 seconds. That's the person changing the tire, filling the fuel, etc. They take other athletes, like former Division I football players, and transform them into a team. They used three important words: overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated.Two Important ThingsIf you feel two out of those three, it's probably okay. It doesn't feel great; maybe you won't quit. But if you have all three—overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated—you're out. And appreciation is free. That got me thinking.Everyone wants to be appreciated for what they do AND who they are.They might not need as many words of affirmation as someone else, but everybody wants to know that their time is well spent and, ideally, that what they do is good. Most people want to be good. Appreciating requires attention. That's true whether you're thinking about one of your teammates or what's happening around you. I could say something as simple as appreciating the clouds, but it takes attention to stop and look at them. The same thing is true for somebody on your team. It's about stopping and recognizing that they bring a specific contribution they may or may not be aware of, and that deserves appreciation.A Simple PracticeA while back, I started doing this thing, and I'm very inconsistent with it, but I will resurface it. I pick someone and call them on my commute home—an old-school phone call. I know not everybody likes that, and not everybody wants to answer the phone, but it's more than a text. In today's world, it's almost like a handwritten note. I give them a specific example of what you appreciate, ideally about how they are on the team and what I value in them versus some particular task they completed. Yes, you should tell them when they do a good job on something specific or put in extra effort, but sometimes it's more powerful to appreciate how they go about their work and what they bring. If true, I tell them how they make me feel better and what I'm learning from them because it is true. If we're paying attention, we can take the superpowers of the people around us and absorb some of them. But whatever you do, you have to be sincere.FuelWe spend a lot of time identifying everybody else's blind spots and weaknesses. What if we spent more time helping people figure out what they were really good at? When you can appreciate something in someone that they either are not aware of or don't understand is something they're really good at, you can help them pour fuel on their fire.There are many ways to appreciate people. Making that phone call at the end of the week is just one of them. What if your week ended with a phone call like that? How would you feel today? How would you start your Monday?Take care. Bye.-KellyIf you liked this, hit like and share it with a friend. From The Archive This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

We are compensated in three ways: * Economical: We get paid.* Educational: We learn and grow.* Emotional: We love the work and/or the people we work with—ideally, both.When we have at least two of these, we feel good. When we have all three, we are fully engaged. At different points in our lives, each of these has varying levels of importance. Each can, depending on the moment and for different reasons, lead to discretionary effort. For most people, the emotional aspect tends to matter the most over a long period of time. Compensation isn't just about money. It's also about the learning and loving you do.Economic CompensationEconomic compensation is important for everyone. The reasons are often different: perhaps you didn't have anything as a kid, don't have anything now, or want to take care of someone who doesn't have anything. Regardless, the story is “real” to you and you want to get paid.The quality of your decisions and the value you create usually correlate with the cash you receive. If that's not true, you might be overvaluing yourself, or the market is undervaluing you. It's crucial to find the truth here. Make sure you don't lie to yourself. It's easy to blame others for what you get paid.Most of the people you know get paid for their judgment. Whether they're leading a team, making investment decisions, or designing a brochure, it's judgment. If you want to have a bigger impact or a bigger bank account, you need to have better judgment. Here are some thoughts on how to improve your judgment and ultimately get paid more, both economically and emotionally.Gain Unique KnowledgeUnique knowledge is learned, not taught. It happens in apprenticeships, not in school. The curious and humble make the most progress here.Your knowledge shapes your judgment (good or bad). If your knowledge is not unique, you can be replaced. If your answers are a commodity or can be found in a textbook or ChatGPT, you'll get paid like a commodity. More likely, you'll get replaced by someone who read the same book and will do the job for less. Increasingly, the chances are that someone won't be human.Learning ObsessionIf you can spend your days obsessively learning what you're obsessed with, one day, you will wake up, and you'll be the best in the world at that thing. You'll have better judgment than anyone else on that thing. You won't love all parts of your obsession, but it's the parts that you love that keep you coming back when things get hard.Tom Brady, Taylor Swift, Kobe Bryant, Jony Ive, Julia Child, Mr. Beast, and Serena Williams— their judgment was/is unmatched, both in execution and in learning about their obsession.You and I can make all the excuses why it's too late for us to do this, but they're just excuses. When you stop growing, so do your rewards—both financial and emotional.If you were to wake up on a Saturday morning full of energy with no responsibilities, no pressures, and your family out of town, what would you spend your day learning? What YouTube rabbit hole would you go down? What stack of books would you tear into? Maybe your obsession lies somewhere in that answer.Own ItYour willingness to fail publicly and under your own name is directly connected to the impact you can have and/or the wealth you create. Renting your time (i.e., a paycheck) is less risky than building your own organization.There is a reason why owners get paid more—even inside a company. The people who “own it” take the risk away from others, and their actions say, “I got this. I'll own this and make sure we don't fail. It's my responsibility, and you can hold me accountable.” They are a different kind of owner, but owners nonetheless.Naval Ravikant originated the idea of “Specific Knowledge,” but I prefer “Unique Knowledge.” Ultimately, this is about being unique. Your DNA + experiences + will = you. No one can compete with you on being you. As he says, you “productize yourself.” Depending on how much time you spend refining that product over decades will determine how valuable you are to the world.I hope you're good. Take care. Bye.-KellyIf you liked this, hit like and share it with a friend. From The Archive This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

“Escape competition through authenticity. When you're competing with people, it's because you're copying them. It's because you're trying to do the same thing. But every human is different. Don't copy.” (Naval Ravikant)I don't like the word authenticity. Maybe it's too big, or too many books have been written about it. It's probably because too many management consultants who couldn't manage a lemonade stand talk about it. It's easy to say “be authentic,“ but it's hard to execute. Given my aversion to the word, I went in search of another word to replace it and found truthfulness. So, when we say “be authentic” we are really saying be truthful. When you think about it in that context, our choice is simple: Be authentic or lie. Let's stop lying. Wear what makes you feel comfortable, do work you love, and love whoever you want. While I have a personal aversion to face tattoos, I'm down if it feels right for you. While we are in the spirit of stopping, let's stop competing. Once upon a time, there wasn't enough. Famine was widespread, resources were limited, and you died if they didn't win against the folks across the river. While not everyone lives the life you and I have, there is enough. Today, we don't have to compete. We choose to compete because we fear losing resources or status. Someday, we will realize that not only is there enough, but we are enough. You can't beat me at being me. I can't beat you. And neither one of us should try. We should spend no energy there. We should spend all our energy figuring out how to be ourselves. That means understanding what we love doing and who we love doing it with. We should obsess over those things. Once we figure that out, that's who and what should occupy our days. It doesn't matter if there is a degree, a job title, or a label. It doesn't matter if they will like it at the country club, the nightclub, or the supper club. What matters is that when you put it on in the morning, it feels right. What feels right isn't always easy, and not everyone will understand. It doesn't matter if they understand. It matters whether you understand and are being honest with yourself. So long as you aren't lying to yourself, keep doing you. No one can compete with you. Take care,-KellyIf you liked this, hit like and share it with a friend. From The Archive This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

"Your whole life is a kind of apprenticeship to which you apply your learning skills. Everything that happens to you is a form of instruction if you pay attention." (Robert Greene, Mastery)A friend sent me photos from her trip to Yellowstone—an extraordinary place. When I visited, I couldn't help but imagine how it was centuries ago: simple, wild, and a bit scary.The idea of roaming freely is romantic, but it is also dangerous. That's why we stopped. We found a better way to survive by building communities where each of us contributes our unique skills. We divided the work, and we thrived. We're the only species that does this—division of labor. One person makes flour, another makes sugar, you bake the cake, and we all enjoy it together. Work together, and we get cake—hopefully, good cake. If someone doesn't do their job, there's no cake. The lucky (and persistent) are good at many things. Good should not be the goal; rather, it should be mastery. DaVinci, Aurelius, Monet, Einstein, and King were masters of their craft. Maybe you think they were special. They were because they made a decision to become masters. They weren't perfect, but they achieved mastery. Like you, I have excuses for why I am the way I am, why I've done what I've done, and why I do what I do. When your time is over, what do you want to have mastered? Instagram scrolling? Making money? Winning arguments? Proving yourself? I want to master patience, emotion, judgment, desire, relationships, arrogance, empathy, discipline, fear, and ego. This is where masters start. They wrestle with their demons and work to master these aspects of their lives. Getting these right opens the space to become masters of our craft at work. Some look at work as a way to make a living—a job. And it is. We shouldn't overthink it or attach too much identity to it. But it's also a duty. It doesn't matter what work you do, how much you make, what you drive, where you live, or your airline status. What matters is whether you give more to the community than you take. We must do this through mastery. It, too, is a duty. Patience, emotion, judgment, desire, relationships, arrogance, empathy, discipline, fear, and ego - those are the focuses. I also intend to keep working on the craft of loving my wife, my kids, my friends, my community, and myself. The work we do today shapes who we will be in ten years. So, check your ego, Kelly. Ask more questions and go empty the dishwasher. Your great-grandchildren may not know your name, but you're building the world they'll live in.-KellyFrom The Archive This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

We spend so much time wishing our lives were different, comparing ourselves to other people and to other versions of ourselves, when really most lives contain degrees of good and degrees of bad. - Matt Haig, The Midnight LibraryI've been thinking a lot about responding, not reacting. Making space between provocation, judgment, and action provides time to explore reality—an opportunity to find the truth about the situation, yourself, and what you can control. When possible, delay. If delaying your response does not reduce the chances of a favorable outcome, delay. More information often comes with time. At a minimum, things become clearer. Less emotion and more sleep always help. Writing helps, too. Write about what is happening, what you know, what matters, how you feel, and the actions available to you. Keep writing (or talking to a trusted friend) until you've removed the emotion (ego, fear, desire, etc.) or at least realized their collective impact on your perception. We want to find the truth about what matters, what we can control, and what should happen next. Sometimes, it's nothing. I hope you're good. Bye.-KellyFrom The Archive This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

"A true student is like a sponge. Absorbing what goes on around him, filtering it, latching on to what he can hold. A student is self-critical and self-motivated, always trying to improve his understanding so that he can move on to the next topic, the next challenge. A real student is also his own teacher and his own critic. There is no room for ego there." (Ryan Holiday, Ego Is the Enemy)Through trial and error, I learned my skills and knowledge as a parent on the job (I'm still trying). I made so many mistakes (and still do). But, almost all were valuable and helpful, though often painful. Most of our learning happens this way: unstructured and by chance. That's incidental learning, which is useful and effective. Intentional learning is different. It is deliberate, structured, goal-oriented, and focused on acquiring knowledge or skills. In this context, you are usually drawing on BOTH your experience and the experience of others. Finishing school is where this type of learning ends for most people. If you want an advantage over almost everyone, be intentional about your learning. Decide what you want to learn, and be deliberate. Learn from both your experiences and the experiences of others. I hope you're good. Bye.Take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

He is a dear friend, a long-time mentor, and one of the most remarkable people I know. He left his job as CEO to build a hotel run by folks with special needs. He's pretty special. For decades, he's drilled into me the qualities required to be a good leader. Here they are: * Humility & empathy. * Self-awareness & self-control. I've always agreed. They make sense, but I never dug in. Then, I sat with another leader for a few hours talking about leadership, and they started to crystallize. Defining these words helps. Here's how ChatGPT defines these: Humility is having a modest or low view of one's importance. It involves recognizing one's limitations and weaknesses, being open to feedback and new ideas, and valuing the contributions and perspectives of others. Humility fosters a willingness to learn, grow, and cooperate with others, and it helps build strong, respectful relationships.Empathy is the ability to understand and share another person's feelings. It involves recognizing and appreciating what others are experiencing emotionally and cognitively. Empathy allows individuals to connect with others on a deeper level, fostering compassion, support, and effective communication. It is a crucial component of healthy relationships and social interactions, as it helps individuals respond to others with kindness and consideration.Self-awareness is understanding one's character, feelings, motives, and desires. It involves recognizing one's strengths and weaknesses and how one's actions impact oneself and others.Self-control is the ability to regulate one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in the face of temptations and impulses. It involves delaying gratification and exercising restraint to achieve long-term goals.All these made me think of Jim Collins's definition of a Level 5 Leader from his book Good to Great. Here is a short definition of that: A Level 5 leader is humble and driven. They use their will to propel their organization to greatness. They do this through modesty, resilience, and a commitment to long-term success over personal gain.* Humility: Low ego. Serve others. We, not me. Everyone and everything is my teacher. * Empathy: Seek to understand. This will bring truth and connection. * Self-awareness: Know your truth. Behavior, strengths, weaknesses, and desires. * Self-Control: Discipline, long-term, rational, resilient. My friend says these are principles of leadership. But they also apply to everyday life. They're central to building lasting communities, families, and teams. I hope you're good. Take care, Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com