Podcasts about finding meaning the sixth stage

Subscribe to the video podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@DrTazMD/podcastsIn this episode, Dr. Taz sits down for an impactful conversation with David Kessler, a leading expert on grief and loss, who has worked closely with leaders like Elizabeth Kubler Ross and Mother Teresa. They explore the importance of community support, resilience, and the non-linear nature of grieving. Kessler approaches the experiences of death and grieving in a way that is both tangible and easy to digest, providing simple, actionable strategies for navigating life's most difficult experiences. With insights drawn from Kessler's extensive work, including his new book 'Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief,' this conversation honors the grieving process and offers tools to find comfort and purpose amid loss. The discussion also explores how to find meaning after loss—of any kind—and the physical and emotional manifestations of grief. Kessler also shares his personal journey through childhood trauma, the death of his mother at a young age, and the devastating loss of his son. About David KesslerDavid Kessler is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even afterlife's tragedies. He is the author of six books, including the new bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. He co authored two books with Elisabeth Kubler Ross, including On Grief and Grieving updated her 5 stages for grief. His first book, The Needs of The Dying received praise from Saint (Mother) Teresa.Thank you to our sponsorBiOptimizers:  bioptimizers.com/holplus06:24 David Kessler's Journey Through Trauma12:14 The Five Stages of Grief29:08 Understanding Grief and Its Impact30:43 Releasing Fear and Embracing Mortality31:59 Misconceptions About Grief35:36 Physical and Emotional Manifestations of Grief40:25 Finding Meaning After Loss47:41 The Importance of Community in HealingStay ConnectedSubscribe to the audio podcast: https://holplus.transistor.fm/subscribeSubscribe to the video podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@DrTazMD/podcastsFollow Dr. Taz on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drtazmd/https://www.instagram.com/liveholplus/Join the conversation on X: https://x.com/@drtazmdTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drtazmdFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/drtazmd/Connect with David Kessler:https://www.instagram.com/iamdavidkessler/https://linktr.ee/DavidKesslerHost & Production TeamHost: Dr. Taz; Produced by Rainbow Creative (Executive Producer: Matthew Jones; Lead Producer: Lauren Feighan; Editors: Jeremiah Schultz and Patrick Edwards)Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on future episodes of hol+

David Kessler is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. and his insights are invaluable. He is the author of six books, including his latest bestseller, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. David also coauthored On Grief and Grieving with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross which updated her five stages of grief to include the grieving process. David's journey into grief and trauma work began after witnessing a mass shooting as a child while his mother was dying. He has since taught professionals in various fields, including healthcare and law enforcement, about the end of life, trauma and grief. In this compelling discussion, Rosanne and David delve into the unique struggles caregivers face in their grief journey. They address the importance of allowing ourselves to process these emotions, the impact our personal grief narratives have on our lives, and the vital steps towards rediscovering our true selves amid loss. Don't miss this opportunity to learn how to navigate grief and emerge stronger. TRANSCRIPT David Kessler - Grief.com DAUGHTERHOOD

"The meaning is not found in the death; it is in us and in what we do after." Once we realize grief is not a linear process, what next steps can we take? David Kessler is well-known in the world of grief as a trustworthy voice on loss, and his latest workbook is an invitation into the very thing we need to heal. Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief Workbook is a chance for you to co-write your own understanding of loss alongside David's decades of experience. Meaning making in grief work is often misunderstood or flat-out avoided. Today's conversation is a permission slip to move toward yourself in grief and find meaning for yourself. Links + Resources from this episode: Purchase a copy of the workbook David's website and resources at Grief.com Become a Patron and access my workbook for this episode Connect with Mandy on Instagram Learn more about Restorative Grief

David Kessler is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. and his insights are invaluable. He is the author of six books, including his latest bestseller, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. David also coauthored On Grief and Grieving with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross which updated her five stages of grief to include the grieving process.  David's journey into grief and trauma work began after witnessing a mass shooting as a child while his mother was dying. He has since taught professionals in various fields, including healthcare and law enforcement, about the end of life, trauma and grief. In this compelling discussion, Rosanne and David delve into the unique struggles caregivers face in their grief journey. They address the importance of allowing ourselves to process these emotions, the impact our personal grief narratives have on our lives, and the vital steps towards rediscovering our true selves amid loss. Don't miss this opportunity to learn how to navigate grief and emerge stronger. TRANSCRIPT David Kessler - Grief.com DAUGHTERHOOD

I had such a great discussion with David Kessler for this episode. David is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. He's also had two very personal losses: the death of his mother when he was just 13, and the death of his younger son when his son was 21. David has just come out with a brand new workbook, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief Workbook. In our discussion, he shares so much of his wisdom from this workbook, from his personal experiences as a griever, and from his lifetime of work as a grief professional. Plus: He shares how his first impressions about funerals came from watching Gilligan's Island as a child. I know you'll find David's insights worthwhile, and his workbook invaluable. Links & show notes The Widowed Parent Institute guides the journey of solo parenting after loss. Get free resources for widowed parents and for supporting grieving friends. -=-=-=-=- Thank you sponsors & partners: Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee -=-=-=-=-

David Kessler, one of the world's foremost experts on grief shares his wisdom and his experience of working with thousands of people on how to move past grief and loss. He's been featured by The New York Times, Unlocking Us with Brene Brown, TODAY Show, GQ, and more. He's written six bestselling books and has just released the workbook, Finding Meaning: Grief Workbook: Tools for Releasing Pain and Remembering with Love. In this companion workbook to David's bestselling book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, you'll begin to understand your unique and personal experience with grief and learn how to work through your loss with more love than pain. Listen as we talk about: David's journey through personal tragedy and the events that inspired his new workbook, Finding Meaning: The Workbook Insights from David on how we can begin to remember our loved ones with more love than pain The power of community support in facing fears and overcoming self- doubt Practical steps for finding peace and meaning even in life's most painful moments Resources: Join The Widows Membership: https://www.karensutton.co.uk/the-widow-membership Website: https://www.karensutton.co.uk/ For more information on David Kessler and live events, www.Grief.com

When David Kessler's publicist asked if he could come on the podcast to promote his newest workbook, Finding Meaning: Grief Workbook: Tools for Releasing Pain and Remembering with Love, I felt honored. David Kessler is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. He has written six best-selling books over the years, including two that he co-authored with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. He founded the website grief.com, which boasts over 5 million yearly visits.  Despite these accolades, I admire David most for his approach to life after becoming a bereaved dad. When David's younger son, David, died suddenly in 2016, he found that he could not prepare for such pain. David says that he wanted to call every grieving parent whom he had counseled to say he hadn't understood the depth of their pain.  David told grieving parents to start therapy and go to support groups, but he did not know just how difficult that was for a newly bereaved parent. David says that it took him three times to get the courage to attend his first grief support group. He sat in the group staring at a table with his books on it, no longer the grief expert, but instead a bereaved dad. After the death of his son, David learned so much that he hadn't truly understood before. He learned that the pain of grief was incredibly deep, but if you took time to excavate through the pain, meanings could be revealed. With the blessing of the Kubler-Ross family in 2019, David wrote a new book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. Since the book was published, he realized that a personal workbook might be an even better way for people to find meaning in their lives. David says the workbook is a way to 'get the pain out of you and into the workbook.' It is a truly healing experience to complete the workbook. I want to close today with what David said to me at the end of our interview. 'See the meaning you are making in the lives you are touching.' Every time you talk to another person, you are making meaning, whether you go on a podcast to share your story with thousands or sit at a kitchen table and share with one person.

Hurricane Milton tore through Florida this week, leaving a wake of destruction in its path. With this being the state's second storm in a matter of weeks, many are criticizing the federal government's response to the destruction. FOX News Sunday anchor Shannon Bream joins to break down the Biden administration's tense relationship with Israel, the federal government's response to the storms, and the Supreme Court's new term. Both Hurricanes Helene and Milton are estimated to have caused billions of dollars in damage, wiping out homes and businesses across several states. What is often not talked about is the emotional cost of experiencing a natural disaster. Author of “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief,” David Kessler joins to discuss how rebuilding after a tragedy may not restore what once was, why losing a home or property is just as traumatizing as losing a loved one, and what resources people should turn to after a natural disaster. Don't miss the good news with Tonya J. Powers. Plus, commentary from the host of “Tomi Lahren is Fearless on Outkick,” Tomi Lahren. Photo Credit: AP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hurricane Milton tore through Florida this week, leaving a wake of destruction in its path. With this being the state's second storm in a matter of weeks, many are criticizing the federal government's response to the destruction. FOX News Sunday anchor Shannon Bream joins to break down the Biden administration's tense relationship with Israel, the federal government's response to the storms, and the Supreme Court's new term. Both Hurricanes Helene and Milton are estimated to have caused billions of dollars in damage, wiping out homes and businesses across several states. What is often not talked about is the emotional cost of experiencing a natural disaster. Author of “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief,” David Kessler joins to discuss how rebuilding after a tragedy may not restore what once was, why losing a home or property is just as traumatizing as losing a loved one, and what resources people should turn to after a natural disaster. Don't miss the good news with Tonya J. Powers. Plus, commentary from the host of “Tomi Lahren is Fearless on Outkick,” Tomi Lahren. Photo Credit: AP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hurricane Milton tore through Florida this week, leaving a wake of destruction in its path. With this being the state's second storm in a matter of weeks, many are criticizing the federal government's response to the destruction. FOX News Sunday anchor Shannon Bream joins to break down the Biden administration's tense relationship with Israel, the federal government's response to the storms, and the Supreme Court's new term. Both Hurricanes Helene and Milton are estimated to have caused billions of dollars in damage, wiping out homes and businesses across several states. What is often not talked about is the emotional cost of experiencing a natural disaster. Author of “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief,” David Kessler joins to discuss how rebuilding after a tragedy may not restore what once was, why losing a home or property is just as traumatizing as losing a loved one, and what resources people should turn to after a natural disaster. Don't miss the good news with Tonya J. Powers. Plus, commentary from the host of “Tomi Lahren is Fearless on Outkick,” Tomi Lahren. Photo Credit: AP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Grief expert David Kessler discusses the grief journey after a relationship ends, as well as his new book “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.”   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Grief expert David Kessler discusses the grief journey after a relationship ends, as well as his new book “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.”   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Many of us are familiar with the five stages of grief outlined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross- the Swiss psychiatrist and pioneer in near death studies.  Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. What you might not be familiar with is the 6th stage of grief which is meaning. Grief expert David Kessler who worked with and was mentored by Elisabeth Kubler Ross explains this stage in his book Finding Meaning- The Sixth Stage of Grief. This book has been called groundbreaking and a road map for people to navigate their way out of suffering and into healing. Now David has distilled the lessons from Finding Meaning into an experiential workbook that teaches people how to release the hurt and how to grieve with more love than pain. The book is officially released on October 1. Connect with David Kessler at Grief.com David Kessler on Facebook @iamdavidkessler on Instagram Get your copy of the Finding Meaning -The Sixth Stage of Grief Workbook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What are some practical ways we can deal with the grief we'll face in our lives? How do we stay present and not get lost in the painful stories and traumas of the past? And how do we get over guilt and regret? I shared a clip from my talk with Grief Expert David Kessler earlier this week, and I wanted to share a part two because I know how powerful this work will be for anyone in my audience suffering from loss and dealing with heartache.  ►► Order Your Copy of David Kessler's Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief on Amazon at. . . https://tinyurl.com/5wr8ja2a   ►► Ask Matthew AI Your Biggest Dating Question for Free Now at. . . → http://www.AskMH.com ►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → http://www.DatingWithResults.com

Are you grappling with the profound weight of grief and wondering if you'll ever find your way through? Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the idea that healing from loss should follow a straightforward path, only to be met with the unpredictable twists and turns of your emotions? In this  episode of The Language of Love Conversation, I'm chatting with the incredible David Kessler—one of the world's top experts on grief and loss. With his decades of experience and six impactful books under his belt, David brings a wealth of wisdom to our conversation.  We explore how grief isn't this neat, linear process but rather a winding, sometimes messy road. David's insights remind us that acceptance isn't a single moment but a continuous journey, and finding meaning often comes from those small, everyday moments rather than grand gestures. We also have a real talk about the importance of community and support, especially how connecting with others who get it can be a total game-changer. David's new companion workbook is a treasure trove of practical tips and exercises to help process grief and find light in the dark. Plus, we touch on tackling those tricky feelings of guilt and shame, with David guiding me through some eye-opening exercises.  Here is a sneak peek: Personal experiences with grief, particularly the loss of a child The non-linear nature of the grieving process Importance of finding meaning after a tragedy Emotional complexities and stages of grief The role of community and support in healing Challenges of managing practical matters during grief The impact of guilt and self-blame in the grieving process The societal perceptions and stigma surrounding prolonged grief Don't forget to explore Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief workbook. Also, check out prolongedgrieftalk.com and the Tender Hearts Grief Support Group. Visit my website for additional grief courses, including the 'Good Grief' course. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

David Kessler discusses grief and loss and how it's not that bad and why Jay is reluctant to grieve. We talk about accepting the end of our lives, how children deal with death, and why we are triggered to feel loss in the strangest moments. We talk about being honest with loved ones and not overreacting, and the value of using the ticking clock of death to live better today. We take listener questions and get ready for the best end we can create for ourselves. Bio: David Kessler is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. He is the author of seven books, including his latest bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, as well as a new Finding Meaning companion workbook. He co-authored two books with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Life Lessons and On Grief and Grieving. He co-wrote You Can Heal Your Heart with Louise Hay and also wrote Visions, Trips and Crowded Rooms. His first book, The Needs of The Dying received praise from Saint (Mother) Teresa. His new online model of grief support, Tender Hearts, offers over twenty-five groups. Additionally, David leads one of the most respected Grief Educator Certification programs. He is the founder of Grief.com

Have you ever suffered a loss you've never really moved on from? It could be someone you loved. It could be a failure, or the loss of a life you thought you would have. It could be trauma that goes back to childhood.    The good news is, you can heal. I had the enormous privilege of hosting world-renowned grief expert David Kessler at my Retreat in Florida this year. In this week's epsiode, you'll hear his profound advice for what it really takes to move on and truly heal from our biggest losses. ►► Order Your Copy of David Kessler's Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief at. . . → http://www.GriefBook.com ►► Ask Matthew AI Your Biggest Dating Question for Free Now at. . . → http://www.AskMH.com ►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → http://www.DatingWithResults.com

Download Neurocycle, the app that helps you heal and stay healed: https://www.neurocycle.app/In this episode I interview David Kessler, one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. We discuss the stages of grief, how anger can actually be a good thing while grieving, how to begin moving though grief, and so much more.His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life––even after life's tragedies. He's the author of six bestselling books, including Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, while his first book, The Needs of The Dying, received praise from Mother Teresa. On October 1, he'll release the Finding Meaning Workbook, filled with self-reflective exercises, navigation techniques for complicated grief, and tools for guilt, rumination, and overwhelming feelings.

I am thrilled to welcome world-renowned grief expert, David Kessler, to the show to talk about his new workbook, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief Workbook: Tools for Releasing Pain and Remembering with Love. Unresolved grief is so common, and I love the way David makes this topic so accessible. During this conversation, we talk about ALL kinds of grief, because it's not just about losing someone you love. It's also about endings and abrupt changes.  David is such a kind soul and no matter what loss you've experienced, I think you'll find comfort and hope in his message. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/645

Please welcome to our show David Kessler, a leading expert on grief and loss, who will be discussing the different stages of grief along with his book, “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.” Like most people, I've had my fair share of grief, and it rocked me in way I could barely recognize myself. I can say I wish I was introduced to David sooner, but everything has a place and time. David's personal experience as a child witnessing a mass shooting while his mother was dying undoubtedly had a profound effect on him. He went on to teach physicians, police officers, and first responders about grief and how to best handle grief. But he wasn't prepared for what followed, which was the untimely death of his 21-year-old son. That profound grief prompted him to write his latest book, “Finding Meaning,” which has helped thousands do the same. Also, grief extends beyond death. It includes the loss of a relationship, job, or something of meaning that extends to loss. He will talk about that, too. Please join me in welcoming David on all video and audio platforms of #deborahkobyltlive , and invite your friends, too, particularly anyone who is grieving. I'm your host, #DeborahZaraKobylt, and it's my pleasure to welcome you here.  @iamdavidkessler #grief #griefjourney #griefandloss #griefsupport #griefawareness @ubngo

Talking points: grief, loss, relationships, masculinity, anger I met David at a psychotherapy symposium a while back, and it wasn't long before we were sharing some of the things we've grieved. He just has that calm yet strong presence. He's also, of course, an absolute expert therapist. We dig into everything loss in this episode; how the 5 stages actually work, what death does both for and to us, and much, much more. This is absolutely an episode to share with someone you feel could use it. (00:00:00) - Intro, do men and women grieve differently, and the toll of not grieving (00:06:34) - Why unprocessed grief manifests as anger, anxiety, and more (00:11:10) - What brought David into grief work, the five stages, and where people get stuck (00:24:43) - On the loss of David's son (00:32:12) - Does grief reshape identity, and the different ways of moving through it (00:35:50) - How to move through grief, and discerning when to “live again” (00:42:51) - David's take on death denial, living currently, and how death challenges our assumptions (00:50:43) - The sixth stage of grief, and the nuances of meaning after loss David Kessler is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even after life's tragedies. He is the author of six books, including the new bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. He co-authored two books with Elisabeth Kubler Ross, including On Grief and Grieving updated her 5 stages for grief. His first book, The Needs of The Dying received praise from Saint (Mother) Teresa. David's personal experience as a child witnessing a mass shooting while his mother was dying in a hospital helped him begin his journey. For most of his life, David has taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about the end of life, trauma, and grief. He facilitates talks, workshops and retreats for those experiencing grief. However, despite his vast knowledge on grief, his life was turned upside down by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. It inspired him to write his newest book, Finding Meaning. David's volunteer work includes being an LAPD Specialist Reserve for traumatic events as well as having served on the Red Cross's disaster services team. He worked for over a decade in a three-hospital system, and was even trained for bio-terrorism events and epidemics/pandemics.  Connect with David -Website: https://grief.com/ -Book: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief: https://grief.com/sixth-stage-of-grief/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamdavidkessler/ -Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IamDavidKessler/ -YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/davidkesslerongrief *** This episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp. Easily match with a therapist who can help you through the tough times and empower your best self. Visit BetterHelp.com/mantalks today to get 10% off your first month Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they're looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, we welcome David Kessler, a renowned grief expert and author of several influential books on loss, including "Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief." David shares his profound insights on the process of grief, emphasizing that true healing comes from finding meaning after a loss. He discusses the concept of "spiritual bypass" and the necessity of experiencing pain to uncover deeper meaning and growth. Additionally, David highlights the importance of community and connection in navigating grief, offering practical advice on how to support oneself and others through the journey of loss.Want More? Subscribe to the AGEIST weekly magazine today at: ageist.com/newsletterWhat kind of SuperAger are you? Check the SuperAge Quiz and find out! (visit: ageist.com/quiz)Thanks to our sponsors:Our Place – our favorite cookware brand for non-toxic, PFA-free pots and brands. Use code “AGEIST” for 10% off at fromourplace.com DIVI – take back control of your hair and scalp health, and do it with Divi's clean, science-backed ingredients. Listeners get 20% off your first Divi order at diviofficial.com/AGEIST or enter code "AGEIST" at checkout. Timeline Nutrition — our favorite supplement for cell support and mitochondrial function. Listeners receive 10% off your first order of Mitopure with code AGEIST at TimelineNutrition.com/ageist.Key Moments"The meaning is in us, the survivor. It's what we do afterward.""Grief needs to be witnessed. We need other people.""Fear doesn't stop death; fear stops life."Connect with David KesslerFinding Meaning WorkbookWebsiteBooksInstagramPodcastFull TranscriptConnect with AGEISTNewsletterInstagramWebsite

David is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss.    His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even afterlife's tragedies.    He is the author of six books, including his most recent bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. He co authored two books with Elisabeth Kubler Ross, including On Grief and Grieving updated her 5 stages for grief. His first book, The Needs of The Dying received praise from Saint (Mother) Teresa.   David's personal experience as a child witnessing a mass shooting while his mother was dying in a hospital helped him begin his journey. For most of his life, David has taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about the end of life, trauma, and grief.    He facilitates talks, workshops and retreats for those experiencing grief. However, despite his vast knowledge on grief, his life was turned upside down by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. It inspired him to write his newest book, Finding Meaning.   He is someone whose work has had a profound impact on my life in recent months and the world is truly a better place because of him being here.  He is also the founder of www.grief.com which has over five million visits yearly from 167 countries.   Here are some of things we talked about in today's podcast:  The worst loss is the one you're going through; comparing losses only harms yourself. Heartbreak is a form of grief, and all endings are a type of death. The stages of grief are not a linear process; everyone experiences them differently. Changing the story we tell ourselves about grief can help in the healing process. Grief must be witnessed by others; isolation only prolongs the healing journey. Our true essence is love, and all other voices are our old wounds. Allow yourself to walk through the pain and face it, as running from it will only prolong the healing process. Grief is messy and non-linear; it's important to allow the messiness and be with where you are. Be with your grief but don't let it become your identity; find healing by not letting past events control your decisions and actions. Finding meaning in grief and loss is about who we become and how we show up in the world.       (Website) Grief.com (Instagram) David Kessler (@iamdavidkessler) • Instagram photos and videos (Twitter) David Kessler (@IamDavidKessler) / X (twitter.com) (Facebook) https://www.facebook.com/IamDavidKessler (LinkedIn) David Kessler, FACHE - Grief.com | LinkedIn (Youtube) David Kessler - YouTube (Pinterest) David Kessler (davidkessler) - Profile | Pinterest  

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self-funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. Consider making a small donation to support the Podcast: bit.ly/SupportGTPodcast. Thank you! For more information, please visit Nathalie's website, join the podcast's Instagram page, and subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.About this week's episodeDavid Kessler's name is known worldwide in relation to grief and probably does not require an introduction as a guest. If you have been dealing with grief and diving into the literature, you will have most likely come across his name. I had the chance to meet David through mutual connections more than a year ago and I've been touched by his genuine nature and the passion with which he has been serving the community of the bereaved for a long time now. Personally, I have read many of his books. David also offers a lot of free resources both to grieving people as well as to clinicians. I'm honoured to bring you David as a guest today and I hope together we will have the chance to hear a lot more of his personal stories and benefit from his professional wisdom. About this week's guestDavid Kessler is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets of living a happy and fulfilled life, even after life tragedies. He's the author of six books, including his latest best-selling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. He co-authored 2 books, Elizabeth Kuebler, Ross, Life Lessons and On Grieve and Grieving, updating her five stages for grief. He also co-wrote You Can Heal Your Heart with Louise Hay and he authored Vision, Trips and Crowded Rooms: Who and What You See Before You Die. His first book, The Needs of the Dying, received praise from Saint Mother Teresa. He has a new online model of grief support called Tender Hearts, with over 25 groups each, as well as one of the most respected grief certification programs. He's the founder of Grief.com. IG: @IamDavidKesslerWebsite: grief.comResources mentioned in this episode:Nathalie's book: Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a CoupleSupport the Show.Support the show: Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month Join Facebook Group - Grief and Trauma Support Network Download the FREE grief resource eBook Book a Discovery Call Leave a review Follow on socials: Instagram Facebook Website

This is Part 2 of my interview with Eva Still, widow, author, yoga therapist, and retreat leader. In this episode, Eva walks us through some helpful breathing exercises to calm and regulate our nervous system when we feel anxious.She also mentions several books that she recommends for grief and mindfulness. Here's a list: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief (David Kessler)Writing to Heal the Soul: Transforming Grief & Loss Through Writing (Susan Zimmerman)Anxious Grief: A Clinician's Guide to Supporting Grieving Clients Experiencing Anxiety, Panic & Fear(Claire Bidwell Smith)Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (Deb Dana)When Life Hits Hard: How to Transcend Grief, Crisis & Loss with Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (Russ Harris)The Chakras in Grief & Trauma (Karla Helbert)In Spanish... El Duelo Duele... y eso está bien (grief hurts... and that's ok) (Camilo Russi)Breath techniques:Physiologica sigh - two sips in through the nose, filling the lungs, long slow exhale through the mouthLengthen the exhale - inhale for four, exhale for five, six or sevenBox breathing - inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4, inhale 4... etc.Grounding/self-soothingButterfly hug - bilateral stimulation, hands crossed on the chest or to the opposite shoulder, gently tapping while breathing deeplyOrienting - look around your space and name three things you see5 senses orienting - name something you can see, hear, smell, feel touchYou can reach Eva at:Instagram @evastillyogaWebsite: https://www.evastill.com Be sure to join our Facebook group, Widow 180 The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/312036956454927Also follow us on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/widow_180/Check us out on YouTube at Widow 180: The Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-DK_dl31qMilJ5cE6t9MVQFor more blog posts and resources go to www.widow180.comQuestions? Email me at jen@widow180.com

Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning.  What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond or affection has been formed. Chapter #4 The First Step in Finding Meaning: In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer. Albert Camus pg. 67 On retreats on day #1 – write a letter to your past.  Day #2 write a letter to your future self.  It starts with a blank piece of paper but your future isn't written yet. You are the writer. Not your past, not your losses, not death. But you are the creator of your future… Don't let your past dictate your future. Pg 70 The story you tell yourself repeatedly becomes your meaning.  Pg 71 Original Meaning  Transformed vs. New Meaning: The death happened to me. vs. Death happens. I'm a victim. vs. I am a victor because I have survived a loss. This death was a punishment. vs. Death is usually random. Why did this happen to me? vs. Everyone gets something this lifetime.  It happened because of something vs. There was nothing I could have done. My story is the saddest one vs. My story had very sad parts. Your life will never be the same but happiness again is still possible. Never being happy again is a statement about the future and no one can predict the future. All they can know for sure is that they are unhappy today. It helps to say, “I'm unhappy today.” and leave it at that. Pg 72 Whatever thoughts you water are thoughts that will grow. Pg 73 Perhaps it is time to put down the mirror and pick up the binoculars. (Telescope, microscope) * MVVP book reference  I look at the meaning the person is giving the event and then I help them change the meaning, not the event. The event is not going to be any different, but the meaning can be, and this can help them to deal with the loss. Pg 76 The reality is that no two people will ever react to an event in the same way.  How you respond will depend upon the meaning you see in it. And like all perceptions of meaning, this will be influenced not just by the event itself, but also by your cultural background, your family, religion, temperament and life experience. Meaning comes from all that has made you who you are. Pg 77 Where is your loved on now?  Is a good question but also “When are they?” They are no longer in the moment. They are past suffering pg. 77 Allowing yourself only to focus on the past, however miserably, can seem easier, more comfortable, than deciding to live fully in the world without your loved one. Pg 79 Underneath the reluctance to live or love again is fear. Pg 79 A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for” John A. Shield. When we are grieving, we want to stay in the harbor. It's a good place to be for a while. It's where we refuel, rebuild and repair. But we are meant to find new adventures… Pg 80 As the Buddha says, “if you are a lamp for someone else, it will brighten your path.” The parable of the long spoons: A person is ushered into a banquet hall There are rows of tables laden with platters of sumptuous food, but the people seated around the tables are pale and emaciated, moaning in hunger. As he gets closer, he sees that each person is holding a spoon. But the spoon is so long he can't get the food to his mouth. Everyone is starving in agony. The person is then taken to another banqueting area where he encounters the same feasting  arrangement he encountered in the first hall. There is again a cornucopia of food but here the people seated at the tables are cheerfully talking and eating because the long spoons are being used to feed each other. Taking the challenges, impairments and predicaments that we have been given (the long spoons of our lives) and using them to help others can really give meaning to those challenges, impairments and predicaments and can help nourish and nurture others while we receive the same for ourselves Chapter #5 The Decision Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?   Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? Mary Oliver Pg 83 Not making a decision is a decision. Healing does not allow for neutrality. It's an active process, not a passive one.  We have to participate in our own healing not just expect it to happen.  Living is different from being alive.  Pg 83 The decision to live fully is about being present for life, no matter how hard life is at the moment. It's about what you are made of, not what happens to you. Pg 84 C.S Lewis said in his book The Problem with Pain, “Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself.” Make a conscious decision to live, not just be alive. Pg 85 When an elephant grows up, it'll clearly be strong enough to break the rope, but because by then it has learned that struggling is useless, and it will no longer attempt to pull up the small peg or break the rope. Pg 88 “Till death do us part” The marriage contract ends at death. It is done. No one's vow includes the afterlife. Pg 90 Sometimes we need help making the decision to say our goodbyes to them in life and move our loved ones into our hearts in death. Pg 92 No matter how long you were together, it's not enough time but the love you shared is not gone. It lives within you as a part of you. The experience of love that you had can never be destroyed or changed by a new love. That love will exist forever in its own time, in its own way in your heart. But more love can be available to you if you desire. Your heart can have many loves in its lifetime.  A new love can grow out of the same soil without diminishing a past love. You still have life.  Pg 94 At times, our challenge is a new love; other times it is a new life. Pg 94 We often don't realize that the decision to live is an active one that requires our participation.  Pg 95 We are capable of more love throughout our life than we realize. “95 Make the decision to do so Broken crayons still color.  Pg 96   Part II  The Challenges in Grieving  Chapter #6 Finding Meaning in Why New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings. Lao-tzu Pg 99 You woke up for a reason this morning, and that reason is for the purpose of finding meaning in your life. P102 Small moments can have big meaning. Everything you do has the potential for meaning.  P103 We affect others in ways we will never know, often by simply being ourselves. Pg104 Whatever the reason, when there's guilt, there's a demand for punishment, so survivors will often punish themselves or attract people who will do it for them. Pg 104 You will always be connected to your son but you don't have to be connected to the pain. You can connect in love. Pg 107 When we don't have a why we tend to jump in and play God. We tell ourselves, “ I could have prevented his death,” or “It should have been me.” This means we are attributing to ourselves the power that we don't have. Pg. 108 To begin to heal you must give the power back to God, the universe, fate, or whatever you believe in. That might mean you begin to acknowledge your anger at God. I believe God is big enough to handle your anger and rage. Pg 109 The why you must answer is not why your loved one died, but why you lived. Why are you here?  Turn the why into how or what. How can I move on from here? What meaning can I find for living? Why's build walls and we can bump into the wall time and time again and not have the answer to the why. As a matter of fact it can even seems that every time we ask why we put another brick on the wall..  If that is the case change the question to how. Where why questions build walls how questions build bridges. How can I move on from here? If I give up answering the why I can then accept the way things are in the present and move on from there. The how question helps me to move on. How can I move on from here even if I don't know the why.  The life that was lost was precious. If we have been granted more time, shouldn't we believe that our life is also precious? Pg111

Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning.  What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond or affection has been formed. Part I – Every Loss Has Meaning Chapter #1 What is Meaning? The person who sees death as sacred has found a way to find meaning in it. Pg 14 Kessler references Victor Frankl's cornerstone work, Man's Search for Meaning. Kessler says that this book is a beacon for those who wonder how meaning can emerge from tragedy… Frankl suggested that when we are faced with a situation that is hopeless and unchangeable, “we are challenged then to change ourselves”. When we make the choice to change ourselves, we can turn tragedy into an occasion for growth.  Pg 14 The hope that we find in individual situations of grief leads to a life full of meaning. As we move from one grief to the next, one disappointment to the next all the while we are challenged to change. Grief doesn't get smaller over time, we get bigger. Pg 15 Pain, death, and loss never feel good, but they're unavoidable in our lifetime. Yet the reality is posttraumatic growth happens more than posttraumatic stress. 15 Whenever you find it, meaning matters, and meaning heals. Pg15  Vision from the great Avengers of Marvel Comics says “What is grief, if not love persevering?” Chapter #2  Grief Must Be Witnessed Each person's grief is as unique as his or her fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn't mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining. Pg 29 Sitting shiva in Jewish culture seems to get the idea of grieving. For a time period of 3 to 7 days friends and family come to the mourners home and just sit with the people in grief. They say nothing unless they are spoken too. They are just present for the people that are grieving. This really is what grieving while having a witness is all about. Just being present. Just being seen. But in our hyper-busy world, grief has been minimized and sanitized. Pg 30 we have diluted it because it's scary to think about our own death. We like things we can control and we can control our busyness. We are very egocentric and attached to this life. We don't like not knowing exactly what awaits us in the next life.  Grief should unite us. It is a universal experience. 30 The act of witnessing someone's vulnerability can bring the person out of isolation if the witnessing is done without judgment. (Great theme statement for AMG) 31 Grief is what's going on inside of us, while mourning is what we do on the outside. Pg31  When people ask me how long they're going to grieve I ask them, “How long is your love one going to be dead?” That's how long. I don't mean you will be in pain forever but you will never forget that person. 31 Loss can become more meaningful-and more bearable- when reflected and reflected accurately, in another's eyes. 33 If the love is real, the grief is real pg. 34 Good interaction exercise – Have two people who are grieving stand facing each other and place their hands over their own hearts. Then look into each other's eyes and say, “I witness your grief, I see your healing.” This kind of witnessing of another's vulnerability can be very healing.  Pg 34 As I read this in the book I found myself tearing up when thinking of the grief I have experienced with others. My wife and I created A Grief Workshop for a large church that we served on staff with early in our careers. I wish that I would have known of this exercise when we were developing this workshop. How powerful to look into another's eyes and say, “I witness your grief, I see your healing.”  Something goes out of alignment when we try to avoid sadness and grief. 35 Life gives us pain. Our job is to experience it when it gets handed to us. Avoidance of loss has a cost. Having our pain seen and seeing the pain of others is a wonderful medicine for both body and soul. Pg 35 Life has peaks and valleys. It's our responsibility to be present for both. Pg 35 “The time will come when memory will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eyes” That's how it goes, pain first, meaning later. Pg 41 Having grief witnessed is about making loss real. Pg 42 When we feel it, we release it and we can be free.  Pg 44  (My rephrasing– When we feel it, we can feel free to release it.) Funerals and memorials are important. Something profound happens when others see and hear and acknowledge our grief. Pg 44 Two things bring us together: 1. Love 2. Suffering Our children, just like us, need their pain witnessed, and a funeral is important to them. Pg 46 We are not meant to be islands of grief. The reality is that we heal as a tribe. Pg 47   We see this often in men's groups as men invite other men to connect with them by sharing their loss and grief openly.  Chapter #3 The Meaning of Death Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete. Victor Frankl. Pg. 49 The death shapes the grief.  Pg 49 I often teach that in grief, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Pg 51 Writing proves helpful in processing our grief  pg. 52  Journaling seems especially helpful in the processing of grief Kessler says that writing proves helpful in three ways: 1. It examines causes and consequences. People who write use more words and phrases like: because, understand, realize, and work through. When we examine writing we use our arm and our hand which is between our head, the center of our thoughts and our heart or out our gut (which in eastern thinking is the center of our emotions.) So by writing we are expressing our thoughts and our feelings. When we further examine this we also realize that writing engages the two hemispheres of our brain, the left hemisphere which is responsible for language and speech and the right hemisphere which plays a large part in the interpreting the visual information and spatial processing. So in writing it is rather like lining up the crosshairs of a scope. We bring into alignment thoughts and feelings and language and processing. 2. There is a shift in perspective. From I and me to he and she and then to us  It is important to remember there is not us and them. It is just us and we all experience grief.That which is most personal is most universal 3. Finding positive meaning in the traumatic experience.  The way we view death reflects how we look at life.  Death most often is thought of as a failure. Listen to how we speak of it: She succumbed to the illness, He lost the battle with cancer, and they didn't make it.  Pg55 Apparently, no matter how great our life, we are destined to fail in the end. That doesn't have to be our understanding of either life or death, however. Pg 56 Fear doesn't stop death. Fear does stop life, however, but it doesn't have to. If we allow ourselves to live with the consciousness of death, it will enrich us by making us understand how precious life is. Pg 56 But painful as it is, if we can view the approach of death as a reminder to us to value every moment, we can find new sources of meaning. Pg 58   Death makes life valuable.  Pg 58 This life is a limited time offer. Pg 58 My mantra is “What's meaningful?” I ask it all the time. Pg 60 What presence is worthy of my essence? What's meaningful can change our experience of imminent death… But for so many the last chapter of life is not the most interesting one, or the most important. We almost see it as a meaningless, “throwaway” part of life. Instead of using the precious time to complete relationships, to express our love, we allow the final chapter to become the series of medical issues to be conquered; a frantic search for a cure when one is no longer possible. Pg 62 Everything that lives must die. But while life has to end, love doesn't. Pg. 64 The end of your loved one's life is not the end of your relationships, since your love lives on. Pg 65 Instead of sitting in the room with their loved one staring at them when they are unconscious or sleeping try turning to face away from them so you can start practicing their presence without being able to rely on sight. Pg 65

David Kessler is one of the world's foremost experts on grief and loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even afterlife's tragedies. He is the author of six books, including the new bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. He coauthored two books with Elisabeth Kubler Ross, including On Grief and Grieving updated her 5 stages for grief. His first book, The Needs of The Dying received praise from Saint (Mother) Teresa.   For more on David Kessler visit https://grief.com/ or https://linktr.ee/DavidKessler   Join the DEAD Talk Patreon for only $5 to support our mission & and gain access to exclusive content and features:

Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning.  What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond or affection has been formed. Grief is something in our culture that we often don't know how to approach. And until its on happening to us or someone we love. we typically don't like to think about death or talk about it. The Original Five Stages of grief by Kubler-Ross: Denial - This isn't happening to me Anger - Why is this happening to me? Bargaining - What can I change to stop this happening to me? Depression - There isn't anything I can do to stop this happening to me. Acceptance - I take this for what it is even if I don't want it. The 6th stage proposed by Kessler is Meaning. What does meaning look like? It can take many shapes, such as finding gratitude for the time they had with loved ones, or finding ways to commemorate and honor loved ones, or realizing the brevity and value of life and making that the springboard into some kind of major shift or change. (Pg. 3) Ultimately, meaning comes through finding a way to sustain your love for them after their death while you're moving forward with your life. (Pg. 7) Thoughts that may guide in understanding meaning: (Pg. 7) Meaning is relative and personal. Meaning takes time. You may not find it until months or even years after loss. Meaning doesn't require understanding. It's not necessary to understand why someone died in order to find meaning. Even when you do find meaning, you won't feel it was worth the cost of what you lost. Your loss is not a test, a lesson, something to handle, a gift, or a blessing. Loss is simply what happens to you in life. Meaning is what you make happen. Only you can find your own meaning. Meaningful connections will heal painful memories.  Love and grief are inextricably intertwined. Love and grief come as a package deal. If you love, you will one day know sorrow. (Pg. 9)

The one and only, Barri Leiner Grant is here. Barri is the Chief Grief Officer and a Certified Grief Coach with The Memory Circle, a space and place to be with your grief. When Barri's own beautiful mother died in 1993, there were no resources available to help her family through the pain. Nobody said grief or grieving. She knew motherless daughters deserved better. So, she created and opened a door where there wasn't one before and eventually started the memory circle.  Barri said “I want grief to be normalized. It needs a better place to live in modern day society. Let's work on becoming more grief literate in our daily lives.” In this episode, we chat about her mother's final days in a beach chair eating plums, writing to the dead, how to reframe big milestones in our lives, and menopause. Sign up for all the latest news around this podcast, yearly retreats and see behind the scenes content on our website. Follow us on Instagram.  And thank you to Chloe Baldwin for the social media support. Links mentioned in the episode  The Memory Circle - Barri's organization  Purchase Barri's “Remember and Reflect” Deck  David Kessler's book “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief”   Claire Bidwell Smith's book “Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief”  Steve Leder's book “The Beauty of What Remains”  Hope Edelman's book “Motherless Daughters” and others

On today's show, we hear about: - How to grieve life's disappointments and move forward - A woman who suspects her boyfriend has high-functioning autism - A man desperate to get his father to stop smoking after a recent heart attack Lyrics of the Day: "Smoke a Little Smoke" - Eric Church Enter the Ramsey Cash Giveaway here Shop the $10 Sale here Learn more about “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief” by David Kessler here. Let us know what's going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show.  Support Our Sponsors: BetterHelp DreamCloud Thorne Add products to your cart create an account at checkout Receive 25% off ALL orders Resources: Own Your Past, Change Your Future Questions for Humans Conversation Cards Redefining Anxiety Quick Read John's Free Guided Meditation Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts anytime, anywhere in our app. Download at: https://apple.co/3eN8jNq These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately. Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Buku "Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief" oleh David Kessler membahas tentang bagaimana orang dapat menemukan makna dalam pengalaman kesedihan dan kesulitan dalam hidup, terutama saat menghadapi kematian orang yang dicintai. Kessler adalah seorang pakar dalam bidang kematian dan berduka, dan buku ini adalah buku lanjutan dari karyanya sebelumnya, "On Grief and Grieving" yang ditulis bersama Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Buku ini terdiri dari 11 bab, yang masing-masing membahas topik-topik seperti bagaimana kita mengalami kesedihan, bagaimana mencari makna, dan bagaimana meningkatkan rasa koneksi sosial dan spiritual kita. Kessler menggambarkan enam tahap kesedihan, yaitu denial, kemarahan, negosiasi, depresi, penerimaan, dan tahap baru yang disebut "makna". Seperti apa menariknya buku ini? silahkan disimak Kunjungi sosial media saya di Facebook : ivandhana Instagram : @ivandhana Website : www.ivandhana.com Kontak email ivandhana@yahoo.com bila ada yang ingin didiskusikan --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tentangbuku/support

Jessica wanted to help others and thought about working professionally as a nurse. She loved children, would help out at summer camps, and had several babysitting positions. She was always the one people would call if they needed help. When she was around 17, she was in a car accident and was prescribed opioids for her pain. She went from using opioids to other drugs and, eventually, started using heroin, and died in 2017 at 36 from fentanyl poisoning. Her older sister, Rosanne, tried everything in her power to help -- an intervention, rehabilitation, giving her a job in her salon, and a place to live. It's been a five-year journey of grief therapy, workshops, and self-care to learn how to live a new normal without her sister. For her grief, Rosanne went to “Onsite”, a program that helps you gain tools to move forward https://onsiteworkshops.com/; learned “The Grief Recovery Method” through Hopeful Heart Solutions https://hopefulheartsolutions.com; and read books such as “Signs” by Laura Lynne Jackson and “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief” by David Kessler. If you would like to tell your story about an overdose death, please contact Susan Claire at grievingoverdosedeath@gmail.com http://grievingoverdosedeath.libsyn.com/ Music provided by La Atlántida

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified the five stages of dying in her book On Death and Dying. Her work has radically transformed the way we think and talk about grief and loss, giving us a shared vocabulary and understanding of a previously murky, yet universal, human experience. Towards the end of her life, Kübler-Ross worked closely with David Kessler, with whom she co-authored several books and formally adapted the stages of dying into the stages of grief. Today, David is the world's foremost expert on grief and has taught health care workers, counselors, and first responders on facing death and loss. His writings and his website Grief.com have reached millions of people. In this episode, David joins us to share his personal experiences with loss and what his decades of helping those on the edge of death have taught him about finding meaning amid suffering, and happiness after tragedy.In this episode, you will hear about:Thanatology — the study of death and dying — and what drew David to this field - 2:10Kessler's friendship with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the psychiatrist best known for developing the five stages of dying - 6:06How physicians are often ill-equipped to face death and how hey might better engage with dying patients - 11:22David's advice to physicians on finding meaning amid loss and tragedy - 19:05A review of the five stages of dying/grief - 28:58On Meaning, the sixth stage of grief that David developed - 33:38How the pandemic saw a renewed interest in grief management, and how his interview with the Harvard Business Review entitled “The Discomfort You Are Feeling is Grief” went viral - 38:04How David manages the overwhelming sadness he sometimes experiences in his line of work - 43:54David's advice to physicians on comforting grieving patients - 48:31David Kessler is the author of several books, including The Needs of the Dying and Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, as well as Life Lessons and On Grief and Grieving with Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, who is herself the noted author of On Death and Dying.Follow David Kessler on Twitter @IamDavidKessler.Visit our website www.TheDoctorsArt.com where you can find transcripts of all episodes.If you know anyone working in health care who would love to explore meaning in medicine with us on the show, feel free to leave a suggestion or send an email to info@thedoctorsart.com.

Introducing a new way of grieving that will change the way you think about loss. Let's dig a little deeper today. Talking about grief - something that we all have to navigate at some point. So let me ask you -do you have a positive or negative relationship with Grief? If you find: You feel like you're not doing grief well.  You feel like you're not supposed to be feeling what you're feeling.  You feel like you should be further along in the grieving process.. Then today's the day we change that.   I interviewed the incredible Cherri Forsyth for my podcast and she shared the solution they have been using in my latest podcast episode, Cherri Forsyth: The New Way of Grieving.   Links mentioned:  David Kessler: https://grief.com/about-david-kessler/ Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler: https://grief.com/sixth-stage-of-grief/   Connect with Cherri: Website: https://cherriforsythcoaching.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cherriforsythcoaching Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cherriforsyth/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-igCaZ-ZeDEyc-BBYUEsKQ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/life-vision   If you have found value in this week's episode then you're going to love the free quiz and training that I have for you.  Head over to https://maeveferguson.com/quiz to discover your #1 coaching business killer and we will send a free report with the exact steps to take to overcome that killer, right here, right now, today!

David Kessler is one of the world's best-known experts on grief, yet nothing could prepare him for the loss of his beloved son at the age of 21. Just as he'd advised his clients for decades, David attended grief groups, saw a therapist and sat with his pain.  In this episode, Andrew and David discuss how society wants us to grieve versus the reality of loss. We will likely never “get over” the loss of someone close to us, nor will we learn life lessons that somehow compensate us for our pain. It is possible, though, to locate meaning in how we survive and experience loss. Andrew and David also explore Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's famous and now much contested “five stages of grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) and discuss how useful they are in today's landscape. David Kessler's new book is Finding Meaning:The Sixth Stage of Grief. His previous books have been praised by Saint (Mother) Theresa, and Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. He has co-authored two books with Louise Hay and Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. David also creates online communities who take courses together to learn more about the process of grieving.   Follow Up Read Andrew's new Substack newsletter and join the community there. Join David Kessler's online healing group, Healing the Five Areas of Grief. Visit David Kessler's website to explore resources including videos, webinars, books and training courses. Follow David Kessler on Twitter and Instagram @IamDavidKessler and on Facebook @DavidKessler.   Read Andrew's book on grieving the loss of his partner My Mourning Year You may also wish to listen to Andrew's interview with palliative care physician and author Dr Kathryn Mannix, What You've Been Told About Death Might Be Wrong. Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall  Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50  

QUOTES FOR REFLECTION “When Jesus wept with Mary, the Word of God stood silent.” ~Makoto Fujimura, American artist “Each person's grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed… The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.” ~David Kessler in Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief “Sorrow… turns out to be not a state but a process. It needs not a map but a history.” ~C.S. Lewis (1898-1963), in A Grief Observed “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” ~Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910), Russian novelist and moral philosopher “We can make the right answer sound old hat, but I guarantee this: God will surprise you. He will make you stop. You will struggle. He will bring you up short. You will hurt. He will take his time. You will grow in faith and in love. He will deeply delight you. You will find the process harder than you ever imagined—and better.” ~ David A. Powlison (1949-2019) in God's Grace in Your Suffering “Christianity teaches that, contra fatalism, suffering is overwhelming; contra Buddhism, suffering is real; contra karma, suffering is often unfair; but contra secularism, suffering is meaningful. There is a purpose to it, and if faced rightly, it can drive us like a nail deep into the love of God and into more stability and spiritual power than you can imagine.” ~Tim Keller in Walking With God through Pain and Suffering “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth… And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be … He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'” ~Revelation 21:1-5 SERMON PASSAGE John 11:1-7, 11-17, 20-28, 32-37 (ESV) 1 Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. 3 So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” 4 But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. 7 Then after this he said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.” 11 After saying these things, he said to them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him.” 12 The disciples said to him, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.” 13 Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that he meant taking rest in sleep. 14 Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, 15 and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” 16 So Thomas, called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.” 17 Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days... 20 So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. 21 Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” 23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24 Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” 25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” 27 She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.” 28 When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” 32 Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply move in his spirit and greatly troubled. 34 And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” 35 Jesus wept. 36 So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” 37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”

In today's conversation with renowned grief expert and author, David Kessler, we explore the concept of “acceptance” and what it really means.No stranger to grief, David lost his son to addiction in 2016. He candidly talks about how to cope with feelings of shame and guilt that can accompany this type of loss. We discuss feeling pressure to create purpose from pain and pick David's brains about what finding meaning in loss actually looks like. Spoiler alert – it's much simpler than you think. ​​He also breaks down some of the misconceptions surrounding the ‘Five Stages of Grief'. Having co-authored books with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who came up with the model, it's fair to say he's an expert on the theory. Other topics we cover are:How to cope when you're grieving differently from othersComplicated grief How to manage feelings of grief and guiltHow we grieve differently when we had an estranged relationship with the person who diedThe concept of light and dark in grief …and we also get a bit of ‘signs' chat in, which we love!We hope you enjoy this honest and enlightening conversation as much as we did.Links Buy David's book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief here.Find out more about David's ‘Tender Hearts' course here.Connect with usGrief is the price we pay for love, but it can be lonely. If you need some extra grief support, join our private Facebook support group, Good Mourning Grief Community, here, follow us on Instagram at @goodmourningpodcast or drop us a line here.Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoy the podcast, we'd love it if you could leave us a rating or review on Apple or Spotify podcasts. And don't forget to subscribe, so you don't miss any of our future episodes!

So happy to introduce to you joyful and brave Clare Reilly sharing her motions of grief after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) in April 2017.  Clare is an Outdoor Educator graduate, a Mum to 7 year old Elliot (who has appeared as a Guest on his Mum's Podcast this month) and wife to Jay. Clare amplifies how her life has changed from the diagnosis of MS, and basically from the get-go, refusing to let MS define her. In David Kessler's book ‘Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief' he mentions “Love and grief are inextricably intertwined.” and “…Healing doesn't mean the loss didn't happen. It means that it no longer controls us.”  The latter sums up how Clare is living her life now – with more meaning. Her effervescent nature and resilience allow her to do the normal, day to day simple things in life, incorporating her physical limitations. For Clare to better understand herself with MS and in teaching others how to love who they are, with or without a chronic illness, she launched the mindful Podcast ‘MS Understood' in October 2020. Here Clare highlights stories of those living with MS and more recently Practitioners to those with MS, allowing continuous education of this chronic disease to reach a wider demographic of Listeners.  As MS is a disease that is misunderstood by so many people, it's great that Clare can shed light on quality information via her Guests and weekly Podcast (now passed episode #73). Follow/support her by having a listen! As a special gift idea for a friend/neighbour who needs a booster of positivity whilst navigating a chronic illness, delight them with Clare's Affirm cards for 29AUD plus postage. Thank you for joining us as a special Guest of influence Clare.  Best wishes on your journey, and we'd love to have you back.  Share/Like/Comment if you loved this, and keep in touch with Clare via links: https://www.instagram.com/clare.reilly/ https://linktr.ee/clarereilly ***** Marie can be contacted via: https://www.instagram.com/mariebarclay_iamstillstanding/ https://linktr.ee/mariempbarclay

We are on location in Steph's teenage sons bedroom this week sharing our 'wisdom' for you once again, with Lauren arriving in her new electric car AKA 'The Milk Float' As per usual, we cover a whole array of subjects which includes ASMR (yay or nay) , self love and the marketing around valentines, because it's February obvs! Grief is our main topic of discussion this week, as we have both experienced the many guises of grief, from the actual loss of a loved one, to grieving the different stages of womanhood and the break down of relationships, and really take a deep dive into how grief has a process and how it has shaped us both, to be the women we are today. The photographer we reference is the lovely Donna Duke Llande, and you can find her HERE on Instagram David Kessler, Author of 'Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief' is mentioned and can be found HERE on Instagram Lauren has been curious about all things moon and crystal related this week, and has been reading Kirsty Gallagher's book and following her on Instagram HEREIf you want us to answer your 'listeners question' or have a topic you would like us to cover, come and find us HERE on Instagram or drop us an email twooldbirdspodcast@hotmail.com EnjoySteph & Lauren xxIf you're enjoying the podcast, please share it with someone who might benefit from our talks. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and follow me on social media for more updates and inspiration.Connect with me on Instagram HERE, Facebook HERE, and join my VIP WhatsApp community HERE. For more information on my therapy sessions and to book a chat, visit my website: https://www.stephgrainger.co.uk/get-in-touchEmail: steph@stephgrainger.co.ukUntil next time, take care and be present.Steph xx

Join us as we hear from a woman whose brand-new neighbor is confiding in her about her abusive marriage and a pregnant mom who's also grieving the child she just lost to cancer. My neighbor confided in me that her husband abuses her We lost our 9/mo baby to cancer. How do we process and grieve? Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief - David Kessler A couple's weight-loss journey (AKA the “Delony Evaporation Plan”) Lyrics of the Day: "Happy Birthday" Let us know what's going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show.  Support Our Sponsors: BetterHelp DreamCloud Churchill Mortgage Resources: Questions for Humans Conversation Cards Redefining Anxiety Quick Read John's Free Guided Meditation Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts anytime, anywhere in our app. Download at: https://apple.co/3eN8jNq These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

The world's foremost expert on healing and loss has discovered a new stage of grief - Meaning. In his newest book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, David Kessler shares new insights that are key in post traumatic growth.

In my life, I've had my fair share of grief—but it was never something I was truly comfortable with. Recently, though, as I've walked alongside others as they face their own grief, I've realized that grief shows up in different ways, and that we can all learn something about life through experiencing the death of people, experiences, and things important to us. Today's episode includes a clip from palliative care and hospice doctor BJ Miller, who had to learn to grieve many losses in his own life, as well as find beauty in grief to help the people in his care. We all experience heartbreak and loss—but it's what we do with our grief that can bring meaning and beauty to it.Watch the full clip of BJ Miller here.For further reading: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David KesslerWhat has grief looked like in your life? Let me know on IG @coach_chrisrodriguez. For all episodes and info about my coaching program, visit me at www.coachchrisrodriguez.com.Be sure to subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!

Join host Ben Decker in a conversation with friend and mentor David Kessler, one of the world's foremost speakers on death, grief and healing.David's experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even after life's tragedies. He is the author of six books, including the new bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. His first book, The Needs of the Dying received praise from Saint Mother Teresa.  In this episode, hear Ben share the role David Kessler played in counseling him when his friend died by suicide. Full video here: https://youtu.be/jg4ZiyEVR0Q For most of his life, David has taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about the end of life, trauma, and grief. He facilitates talks, workshops and retreats for those experiencing grief. However, despite his vast knowledge on grief, his life was turned upside down by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. It inspired him to write his newest book, Finding Meaning.David's volunteer work includes being an LAPD Specialist Reserve for traumatic events as well as having served on the Red Cross's disaster services team. He worked for over a decade in a three-hospital system. He was trained for bio -terrorists' events as well as epidemics/ pandemics. He is the founder of www.grief.com which has over five million visits yearly from 167 countries.David is a well-loved speaker with the ability to infuse the harder subjects of life with humor, warmth, and a willingness to be vulnerable about his own losses. He takes his experiences; from being a child visiting his ill mother in the ICU while being involved in one of the first mass shootings in the USA, to experiencing the work at Mother Teresa's ministry in Calcutta, and working with his mentor, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in the last decade of her life, and weaves those and many other experiences into inspiring, life-changing stories with an actionable, life affirming message of healing for all.Show Notes:Join David's grief group, Tender Hearts, where you can turn your pain into purpose and take weekly steps to find peace and healing and create a life that honors your loved one. Connect with a supportive community on your own terms and in your own time. This unique grief group is not on social media and it's always there when you need it. Register now at: TenderHeartsSupport.comOther Grief Support Resources from David Kessler:Grief.comAboutGrief.comGriefSuicide.comParentForever.comHolidayGrief.comChopra Global Certifications with Deepak ChopraBecome a  Meditation Teacher or an Ayurvedic Health Coach with a prestigious  certification through Deepak Chopra's Chopra Global at Chopra.com/certifications.Contact The Modern Spirituality Podcast:Host/Executive Producer:Ben DeckerTwitter.com/BenDeckerInstagram.com/BenjaminWDeckerBenDecker@ModernSpiritualityPodcast.comProducer:Linda MichaelsonInfo@ModernSpiritualityPodcast.comAssociate Producer:Ansley WellerAnsley@ModernSpiritualityPodcast.com

Remembering a loved one with a memorial tattoo is a unique way of creating meaning out of loss.  Memorial tattoos, also known remembrance tattoos, can be a meaningful part of a grief journey.  Many people who've experienced the loss of a loved one get tattoos in memory of someone special, a friend or loved one, or even a pet.  Sometimes it's a name, sometimes it's a symbol or custom design.  These types of tattoos benefit our grief journey, and honor the experience of loss.  It's a unique and last way of making meaning during a grief journey.  Grief expert David Kessler's book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief describes the benefit of creating meaning after experiencing a grief event.  You can find David's work at grief.com and buy the book on here.  The Heart of Hospice is here to support you as you navigate serious illness and end of life care.  Your journey matters - you are The Heart of Hospice. Get grief support with David Kessler here: https://grief.com/ Find more grief services and resources at Radical Grief with grief coach Melissa Lunardini, MA, MBA, FT https://radicalgrief.org/ Read about more about memorial tattoos here: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/grief-loss-tattoo-mental-health_l_5ff391e5c5b65a922910bf1c Receive The Heart of Hospice podcast in your email here: https://www.theheartofhospice.com/connection/ For podcast sponsorship opportunities contact us: host@theheartofhospice.com Find more episodes from The Heart of Hospice here: https://theheartofhospice.libsyn.com/  

In this final episode of the series, Yosefa and Tanya transition out of the Holocaust into the most recent event of national suffering: Covid. Through a combination of modern philosophical responses and personal reflection, this episode captures the gamut of responses experienced in the past two and half years to the pandemic. NOTE! Next week--Wednesday Nov. 24th at 8:30 pm (Israeli time) --LIVE FACEBOOK EVENT! Share your thoughts and questions with us before we air at podcast@matan.org.il Links to sources and books mentioned in Episode 4: R. Dr. Irving (Yitz) Greenberg on the 3 covenants: https://rabbiirvinggreenberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/1Perspectives-3rd-Great-Cycle-1987-CLAL-1-of-3.pdf To read more from R. Greenberg: https://rabbiirvinggreenberg.com Bernard-Henri Levi: The Virus in the Age of Madness https://www.amazon.com/Virus-Age-Madness-Bernard-Henri-L%C3%A9vy/dp/0300257376 The Plague, Albert Camus https://www.amazon.com/The-Plague-Albert-Camus-audiobook/dp/B000K0YMZE/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+plague+camus&qid=1635669419&s=books&sr=1-1 David Kessler, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Meaning-David-Kessler-audiobook/dp/B07P88B6J6/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=finding+meaning+kessler&qid=1635669445&s=audible&sr=1-1 Tanya's Blog: Contemplating Torah https://contemplatingtorah.wordpress.com/ Episode Epilogue: Chanan Ben Ari Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9m54DdWgoo Yishai Ribo Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSAZnYdvVak

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what's going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!   Show Notes for this Episode As a special needs parent I feel resentful of "normal" families We're newlyweds dealing w/ family tension around holiday plans How can I comfort a friend that is grieving? Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief - David Kessler Lyrics of the Day: "Just The Two Of Us" - Bill Withers & Grover Washington Jr.   As heard on this episode:  BetterHelp dreamcloudsleep.com/delony Conversation Starters Redefining Anxiety John's Free Guided Meditation Ramsey+   tags: special needs, parenting, anger/resentment/bitterness, kids, grief, marriage, family, boundaries   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

Episode #35: Suicide is a leading cause of death in the United States and a preventable public health problem. In 2020, an average of 132 Americans a day died by suicide and 90% of those had a diagnosable mental health condition at the time of their death. All of those people had circles of family, friends, coworkers, classmates, teachers, and community members who are impacted by their death. In this episode, we talk with Leslie Nielsen, a mother who is now learning to navigate and live with this kind of grief after her adult son Ben died by suicide earlier this year. We're also joined by Carly Memoli, Program Director for Suicide Prevention Service who explains this complicated grieving process and helps us understand the ways that people find their way through. Suicide is hard to talk about and this show might be hard to listen to, but the more you know, the more equipped you'll be to help someone who is at risk or support someone who has had this kind of loss. This show is part 2 of a two-part series on suicide. We invite you to also check out last month's show, Ep. 34: Suicide Prevention for Teens and Young Adults. Broadcast: 10/3/21 Special thanks  to Jeanne Baldzikowski for audio production, to Jennifer Young for research and outreach, and to Izzy Weisz for marketing and social media. And thanks to acoustic guitarist Adrian Legg for composing, performing and donating the use of our theme music. SUBSCRIBE NOW to get past or new episodes delivered to your listening device here: Apple Podcasts / Google Podcasts / Spotify / Stitcher FOLLOW OR LIKE US Facebook  @stateofmindksqd Instagram @state_of_mind.radio JOIN EMAIL LIST Want to know our interesting topic each month? Simply  SIGN UP for our email list! GOT A STORY TO SHARE? If you or someone you know has topic ideas for future shows or a story of mental health recovery to share, please email debra.stateofmind@ksqd.org YOU CAN HELP - SUPPORT OR UNDERWRITE If you like what you're hearing here on KSQD, also affectionately called K-Squid, you can become a “Philanthropod on the Squid Squad” by becoming a supporting member  and help keep KSQD surfing the air waves! Consider underwriting your business or agency and showing our listeners your support for State of Mind. IN YOUR VOICE ”In Your Voice” are short segments on the show where a listener gets to add their voice to the topic.  You can call us at 831-824-4324 and leave a 1-3 minute message about: a mental health experience you've had, something that has contributed to your mental health recovery journey, or share a resource that has helped you. Alternatively, you can make a 1-3 minute audio recording right on your phone and email that file to debra.stateofmind@ksqd.org. Your voice may just become part of one of our future shows! RESOURCES Crisis Support National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255. Includes the following options: En Español/ In Spanish 1-888-628-9454 For those who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing 1-800-799-4889 and/or an online Chat feature. Crisis Text Line- serves anyone, in any type of crisis, providing access to free 24/7 support via texting (a medium people already use and trust): Text “HOME“ to 741741 to reach a Crisis Counselor Suicide Prevention Service of the Central Coast  - free 24-hour confidential hotline for those who are feeling suicidal or need support, serving the residents of Santa Cruz, Monterey, and San Benito counties) -- Lifeline: 1-877-663-5433 // Administrative Line: (831) 459-9373 Grief Support Grief Support at Hospice of Santa Cruz County - offers an extensive array of compassionate, professional, and individualized end-of-life care and grief support.  Grief support services are low or no-cost, for adults and youth, and may include support groups, one-day classes, or one-on-one support.  Contact them for more information about Grief Support, Transitional & Palliative Care, Hospice Care, Pediatric Care, or Community Education. 831-430-3000. Suicide Bereavement Support Groups - Suicide Prevention Service of the Central Coast Call 831-459-9373 for a brief intake with a caring staff member, who will connect you to a support group facilitator.  All facilitators and group attendees are survivors of suicide loss and provide caring support and encouragement to promote healing and safety for survivors of loss. Meetings are peer-based and drop in--come when you are able to receive and/or offer support. If you are suicidal or in crisis, please call 1-800-273-TALK or 1-877-663-5433. American Association of Suicidology – excellent site full of helpful information for professionals and for those who have lost loved ones to suicide. Helping Survivors of Suicide: What Can You Do? – Sound advice for how to listen and support. Tool Kit -Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors - free in English and Spanish Surviving Suicide Loss Newsletter The SOS Handbook - is a quick-reference booklet for suicide loss survivors. Written by fellow survivor Jeffrey Jackson in both English and Spanish, it is brief, clear, and packed with essential information and resources covering nearly every aspect of the survivor ordeal – the emotional roller-coaster, the elusive quest for “Why?”and how to find support groups in your area.  Includes coping with suicide loss in the workplace, and more. Healing Conversations -  this peer-to-peer program gives survivors of suicide loss the opportunity to speak with supportive volunteers, who are themselves suicide loss survivors.  Individuals can submit an interest form to set up a phone call or an in-person or video meetup. Offered by American Association of Suicide Prevention. Books No Time to Say Goodbye by  Carla Fine (1999) --  this book is specifically about surviving the suicide of a loved one. Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler -- this book brings compassion to the forefront in a powerful way and helps soften insensitivity one can be exposed to. Heartbreak to Hope: Poems of Support for Grief and Loss by Kara Bowman -- this book of poetry is a sensitive accompaniment for those who journey through grief. It captures so much of the darkness and difficulty of that journey while holding out hope that through those difficulties one can still get to a sense of peace--even growth. Counseling Support Family Service Agency (FSA) of the Central Coast is a dedicated underwriter of State of Mind. FSA provides resources, support, and counseling services to adults and children. FSA believes in the power and potential of people of all ages and backgrounds to discover their own creative solutions and welcomes people of diverse cultures, genders, sexual orientations, ages, faiths, socio-economic backgrounds.  FSA Counseling Offices offer Medi-Cal, Medicare, and low-cost, sliding scale services in both downtown Santa Cruz 831-423-9444 x200 and in Soquel 831-346-6767 x200. Shine a Light Counseling Center – Shine a Light provides affordable counseling for couples, individuals, children, and families in English or Spanish in Santa Cruz and Monterey counties Leslie's Personal Recommendations Kara Bowman, Grief Counselor - A sincere and qualified therapist who specializes in grief.. and gets it! (831) 219-8522 Find Supportive Family and Friends – Leslie says she's truly learned about her NEED for open, honest, authentic people, and she's found that she can control who she spends time with during this most difficult journey her life is now on. Exercise and Self Care - Leslie says it has never has been more important to be conscious about this! Contact Guests Leslie Nielsen Email:LPbeach21@gmail.com Carly Memoli, Program Manager Suicide Prevention Service of the Central Coast Email: memoli.c@fsa-cc.org, Phone: 831-459-9373 ext. 1

Rebecca is a physician and an aerial instructor. She shares her second trimester pregnancy loss due to a terminal diagnosis called Bilateral Renal Agenesis and her experience with a D&E procedure. Her story continues when her second pregnancy ends with caring for a medically complex baby with a poor prognosis due to a genetic disorder called Cornelia de Lange Syndrome (CdLS). She and her husband say goodbye and grieve the loss after nine weeks of life.   Register for the FREE Mini Course by Wrap Your Head Around Silks HERE Find Rebecca on Instagram @alter.ego.aerial Learn about CdLS and Osteopathic Doctors Books: “It's OK that you're not OK” - Megan Divine and “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief” - David Kessler with the late Elisabeth Kübler-Ross  

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what's going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!   Show Notes for this Episode John wishes his brother a happy belated birthday We recently lost our 14-month-old daughter to a drowning accident. We have two other kids and I'm 7 months pregnant. How do I grieve and not be bitter with the new baby? Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief - David Kessler My boyfriend's parents still have pictures of his ex-wife on their social media and at their home. I've been working from home for over a year and I feel like I have started treating my wife like a co-worker/office manager. Lyrics of the Day: "I'll Think of a Reason Later" - Lee Ann Womack   As heard on this episode:  BetterHelp dreamcloudsleep.com/delony Conversation Starters Redefining Anxiety John's Free Guided Meditation Ramsey+   tags: grief, parenting, kids, anger/resentment/bitterness, disagreement/conflict, technology/social media, marriage, workplace/career   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

Dr. Jan Canty is a homicide survivor who seeks to spread awareness and garner more support for other homicide survivors. In this week's episode, Dr. Canty explores the traumatic moment when she went from living a “normal” life to finding out that her husband was missing, then murdered. She explains her experience with traumatic loss and helps us to understand why so much more support is needed for those who are survivors (but still victims nonetheless) of homicide.  Support the Podcast Dr. Canty's Domino Effect of Murder Podcast What to Do When the Police Leave: A Guide to the First Days of Traumatic Loss A Life Divided: A Psychologist's Memoir About the Double Life and Murder of Her Husband - and Her Road To Recovery Transcript: Alyssa Scolari [00:23]: Hello everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast. I'm your host, Alyssa Scolari. And today we have with us a very special guest, Dr. Jan Canty. Dr. Canty was born, raised and educated and widowed in Detroit. Two months shy of completing her postdoctoral fellowship, her husband of 11 years went missing. Two weeks later, he was found murdered. That event separated her life into before and after segments. Due to media pressure, she moved, changed her name, and did not speak of it for 30 years. When she came out of the shadows, she wrote a book called A Life Divided, and started a podcast for other so-called homicide survivors called Domino Effect of Murder. So this is quite the harrowing story that we have today. So, with all of that said, I am going to turn it over to Dr. Canty herself. Hello. How are you? Jan Canty [01:33]: I'm fine. How are you doing? Alyssa Scolari [01:35]: I'm good. I'm really glad we connected, happy to have you on the show, happy to have you hear. I know we're talking about some tough stuff today. Jan Canty [01:45]: Yes. Alyssa Scolari [01:46]: Even reading your bio alone was just like oh, man, there's so, so much here. I guess I'll start with take me through your journey. How long were you married for? Jan Canty [02:07]: I was married to Al for 11 years before he went missing. Alyssa Scolari [02:11]: Okay. And what was life like prior to that? Jan Canty [02:16]: I would say pretty steady. He was very supportive of my career aspirations, and we were doing okay financially. He was 18 years older than me, and the reason I mention that is because when he began, at the very end of that 11-year period to seem more removed or tired or pre-occupied, I attributed it wrongly to his health, thinking well he's older, he needs a physical, but instead he was up to his eyebrows in trouble and not telling me. Because he had befriended two people in downtown Detroit that he allowed them, encouraged them in fact, to take advantage of him financially. And he did this for 18 months, and when he ran out of money they murdered him. Alyssa Scolari [03:06]: So here you are, you're married, you're going to, it looks like, you were in graduate school going for your PhD? Jan Canty [03:16]: I'd completed my PhD at that point, and I was going through my two-year postdoctoral fellowship. I was in the last two months of it when it all happened. Alyssa Scolari [03:24]: Okay. So all this time you're thinking, well, it's just that Al is really, his health is declining because of his age? Jan Canty [03:35]: Mm-hmm [affirmative]. Alyssa Scolari [03:36]: When really what was happening is he essentially had like another life where he was- Jan Canty [03:41]: Yes. He was pretending to be a physician by the name of Dr. Miller. I found this all out in talking with the chief inspector of homicide the day they called me down to interview me. I had no knowledge of anything that he'd been up to. And one of the many things that he said to me was go home and look at your finances, and you're probably broke, and that was kind. I mean, when I looked into our finances, this is in 1985 dollars, I was $30,000 in debt. So that translates into about $90,000 today. Alyssa Scolari [04:14]: Oh my gosh. Jan Canty [04:17]: We were behind on taxes, rent at the office, mortgage payments, health insurance, you name it. It was way overdue, because he'd been giving these two people all of our money and more. He'd even bought cars for them, he paid their rent. He even gave them a scrapbook or a photo album that I assembled for insurance purposes of the interior of our house, with the estimated value of each of the larger items in the house. And in case there was a fire, I could just grab it and I'd have evidence of what we owned, and it would be easy to turn into the insurance company. He even gave that to them, so they had the knowledge of what was in the house, as well as the layout. Alyssa Scolari [05:00]: So your whole world, every aspect of your world, got turned upside down in a matter of a week? Jan Canty [05:11]: He was missing a week. So between the time he didn't come home and the time I met with Inspector Gil Hill, I was just pacing and worrying and trying to figure out what happened. And then he called me down a week later after he'd been missing, and told me that he suspected he had been murdered, but he didn't have a body yet. And then back in '85 you needed that to have a prosecution, but he had a fair idea what had happened. I now know he had a whole lot more evidence than he was telling me. But then it was the following week, almost to the day that he called me down, and said that they had unearthed his shallow grave in Northern Michigan. He had been killed by the way of a baseball bat and then dismembered. So they had buried his identifiable body parts in a bog in Northern Michigan called the University of Michigan Biologic Station. It's an area where they do scientific research on mosquitoes, and to do that they have road kill dumped there, so it was a perfect camouflage for where they buried him. And I really believe that had an informant, an accomplice, in the burial not come forward, they would have never figured it out. Alyssa Scolari [06:20]: Yeah. So that's what happened, somebody came forward with that tip? Jan Canty [06:25]: Yep. Yep, to escape prosecution. He wanted immunity from prosecution in order to give the information. And they made a deal with him saying yes, if you can lead us to the body parts, you will be off the hook, and you will have to testify in court though against the two defendants, which was John Carl Fry and Dawn Marie Spens. And he agreed to all of it, and they held up their bargain as well, so that's what happened. Alyssa Scolari [06:50]: Wow. And in the months after, well, because I'm sure a trial took place? Jan Canty [07:00]: Yes. Alyssa Scolari [07:00]: Are these people now in jail? Jan Canty [07:02]: They were at the time. And on that point, I'll say that only 5% of murders go to trial, 95% are plea bargains. So that was a concern that I had, is if they all plea bargained to more information that the police wanted, and it could've ended in something minor, because there was evidence that he knew a lot more about other murders in Detroit. But they didn't plea bargain. He did go to trial, and they were convicted. John Carl Fry was convicted of first-degree murder, and convicted to life without parole, which was the maximum in Michigan at the time. I think it's still the same. However, his accomplice, Dawn Marie Spens, was given a very light sentence, and she was out before I could even sell my house. Alyssa Scolari [07:47]: What? Jan Canty [07:48]: Yeah, because she didn't do the actual killing. She just helped transport the body parts. So they charged her and convicted her of, I think the wording is something like mutilation of a dead body or something like that, and so she was off pretty quickly. I think she served two years, maybe 18 months. It was really brief. And then he died in prison after five years of Hep C, so he's no longer around, she still is. Since she's been out, she went back to school and she's alive and well. Alyssa Scolari [08:29]: That makes me want to throw up, it truly does. Jan Canty [08:33]: There was a public outcry when the public became aware of her light sentence, but it's a done deal. You can't make a judge change his mind. Alyssa Scolari [08:42]: Right. Right. So then for you, after all of that, between having to grieve and being in shock, I'm sure, you made that decision to change your name, move completely out of the area? Jan Canty [08:58]: Eventually, because I tried moving locally and the media would not leave me alone. I had to change my phone number so often I had to write it down to make sense of it. And they were coming to my work place, people were driving by my house. It was always in the press, any little thing, like John Carl Fry escaped one time while he was incarcerated. Alyssa Scolari [09:18]: What? Jan Canty [09:19]: So it drummed it all up again. And when he died, it drummed it all up, and I just thought I'm leaving. I've had it. This isn't my swan song. I don't want to forever be known as the widow. This isn't how I want my life to unfold at this point. It was hard. I loved living where I did. My practice was taking off, it was something, a goal, I'd worked for for over a decade. And it was working, but I wasn't happy, and I was on edge all the time. And I was tired of people pointing at me in public, and finally I just said enough. And so to your point about grief, because of all the drama, the media, my health risks, I was told I had to get an HIV test because of his infidelity with prostitutes, there were so many irons in the fire at any given time that grief was totally postponed for a long time. That was a luxury. I didn't have time to process it. I was constantly putting out fires. If it wasn't the media, it was bills. If it wasn't the bills, it was my health. If it wasn't that, it was moving. If it wasn't that, it was something else. So it kept getting postponed. It was one of those things that I thought later, I can deal with that later. Right now I've got to figure out, I mean, in the early weeks frankly, I had to figure out how I was going to eat and how I was going to keep the lights on, because he'd given away all our money and we were in debt. And I had just started my practice, so my income was very low. Alyssa Scolari [10:49]: Right. Jan Canty [10:50]: So I started selling things that I owned to not only prepare to move to a smaller place, but to survive. And winter was setting in, and I was worried about the heat bill, because it was a really old house and it sucked up energy. So my mind was consumed with survival for a long time. Alyssa Scolari [11:09]: Right. It's as you were talking about you couldn't really even go anywhere or do anything without the media, of course I think to myself there's no way you even had two seconds to grieve. Jan Canty [11:21]: No. Alyssa Scolari [11:21]: As you said, that's a luxury, right? Jan Canty [11:21]: Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [11:24]: I'm in survival mode. There's no time to process any of this. Jan Canty [11:29]: No. I postponed what I could postpone, and that was one of them. I had to prioritize. I had to make my bills, I had to eat, I had to figure out how I was going to heat the house, I had to try to sell the house. And that was an issue, because Michigan law, even to this day, states that if there is a serious crime in which the owner of the house is involved, even if it does not take place on the property, you have to divulge that information to the potential buyer in case they are superstitious. If you fail to do that, they can rescind the offer at any time in the future, so that devalued the house. Alyssa Scolari [12:06]: What? Jan Canty [12:06]: Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [12:07]: Is that just me, or does that seem like an absolutely ... Jan Canty [12:11]: It was like one thing on top of another, like I said. It made no sense to me, because it didn't occur in the house. So I didn't think it, but everybody knew anyway. Alyssa Scolari [12:19]: It made no sense. Jan Canty [12:19]: Because the media published pictures of our house, and even a map to get to our house, so it really wasn't a secret in the sense. But the people that ended up buying the house came from England, so they would not have known anything about this, but they still had to be told about it. And so as a consequence, the house was probably valued by a third less of what it was worth, and then I used a lot of that money just to pay off bills. Alyssa Scolari [12:43]: Right. I feel like I've been shaking my head so much throughout this interview already that my head might actually spin off. I'm just, I'm baffled that a law like that even exists, like it- Jan Canty [12:56]: Yeah. I checked recently, and it's still there. Alyssa Scolari [12:59]: Unbelievable, right? As if things weren't, it's like you had everything working against you all at the same time. Jan Canty [13:07]: Mm-hmm [affirmative]. Alyssa Scolari [13:08]: How did you stay sane? Jan Canty [13:11]: I attribute a lot of my coping skills, number one, to how my parents raised me. They were never, ever one to allow me to escape responsibility. And if I complained, they'd always point out somebody has it worse than you, come on, get on with life, you don't have it so bad. That was a factor, my childhood. My parents flew in from Phoenix to be with me, and they were immense help. Once they arrived, which was a week into his disappearance, my dad took charge of the front door and the phone. My mom took charge of laundry and cooking, because I hadn't eaten, and in fact, the dinner that I had prepared for Al and I the night he was to come home, I'd left it on the stove for a week. I hadn't even noticed it. That's how out of it I was. It was hamburger. We were going to have hamburgers that night, and it just was sitting in the summer heat for a week and I didn't even notice it. So the minute she walked in the house, she's like, "What in the God's name is that odor? That stinks." Alyssa Scolari [14:10]: And you didn't even notice it. Jan Canty [14:11]: And I hadn't had a shower, because it wasn't like a week, it was like one very long day. That's how it felt to me. There was no morning, noon and night, 24-hour cycles. It was like the next hour or the next minute, the next hour, and it just kept going, and I was getting by on cat naps for a long time. So it didn't seem like a week until that they came. It seemed like one very long day. Morning, noon and night had no meaning at all. Alyssa Scolari [14:39]: I think that that's a deeply accurate description of the traumatic loss, like what that trauma is like in the initial phases. That's what it is. A week went by and it felt like a day. I think that's a perfect way of describing it, and- Jan Canty [15:04]: Well, I think you're so into your own skin, those external benchmarks are gone. You don't know the date, you don't know the hour. Alyssa Scolari [15:04]: None of that even matters. Jan Canty [15:11]: You don't know if it's morning, noon or night, you don't. It's you're so inside your own skin, and thinking about what's happened and what needs to happen, that that's all very external, very removed, and meaningless at the time. Alyssa Scolari [15:26]: Yeah. It's like none of that even matters, the date, the day, the time. It's all, right, none of, like you said- Jan Canty [15:26]: Right. Alyssa Scolari [15:36]: The external just doesn't matter. Now for you, when did the grieving process, like when did you transition, was it when you moved, from that shock to the grief? Jan Canty [15:54]: Well, I would say in earnest, it was after I left Michigan. It was probably a year and a half later. Alyssa Scolari [16:02]: Okay. And what- Jan Canty [16:02]: Because up to that point I was just treading water. And finally, when I got away from everybody I knew, all the reporters, the media, the police, and I could sit and think. Even at the funeral I couldn't think, because the media were there. I mean, they were so intrusive, so invasive, and impersonal and in my face. And I couldn't even grieve at the, all I could think about at the funeral was getting out of there and getting home. They had cameras and microphones, and it was like a circus. I felt like all that was missing was popcorn. Alyssa Scolari [16:36]: A circus you don't want to be at. Jan Canty [16:38]: No. No. Alyssa Scolari [16:39]: Not at all. Jan Canty [16:40]: So it was a long time, and I was pretty removed from it all by then. And I did not have a name for the kind of grief that I was experiencing at the time, but now looking back, I know that it's a unique kind of, well, maybe it's more common than we think. It's called conflicted grief, where there is relief in your grief, where there is some element of, oh, I'm glad that's over. I know I wouldn't want him back, because of all the deceit, all the infidelity, endangering my life, let alone his own. There was this anger like I had never experienced in my life. You still have the other typical parts of grief, the sadness and the feeling empty and remembering the good times. That's still all there, but in addition to that there's this other layer of how dare you? How dare you have done what you did to your life and my life and our life? What was wrong with you? And so that conflicted grief, for me, and I'm not saying this is everybody, but for me made it easier. Because you don't go to that depth of soul searching and mourning, because your anger is it bottoms you out. It's at a point where if he had lived, if he had survived, I would have left him in a heartbeat. I mean, I wouldn't have put up with that. Alyssa Scolari [18:04]: Right. Right. Jan Canty [18:05]: So it made it easier for me, and I took it a day at a time. Again, when that happened, I wish I'd had a name for it then. All I know is I felt terribly guilty for not feeling more sad, more mournful than I did, but I was able to start sleeping soon. And you go in the Hallmark section of a card area and you'll see they're still with you in your thoughts, and you'll be together one day. None of that applied to me. It was like I don't want to walk with him again. I don't want to be with him at some future time. Alyssa Scolari [18:38]: Yeah, you were mad as hell. Jan Canty [18:39]: Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [18:39]: You were mad as hell. Jan Canty [18:40]: And there's no place to discharge it, because he's not here. Alyssa Scolari [18:43]: Right. You can't even scream at him. Jan Canty [18:45]: No. And his mother really was in denial. He was an only child, and so my mother-in-law was like feeding it, like I bet ... She even sent me an anniversary card after he had- Alyssa Scolari [18:59]: What? Jan Canty [18:59]: Yeah. A few after he left, after he died. And she was not in touch with what was going on. She refused to believe his role in his own demise, and always said he'd been blackmailed, there was another explanation. But she would not go to court, she would not go to the police station, she would not face any of the facts as we knew them, so she could continue to live in that sense of denial. And at her age, I thought let her. What's the difference? It's her only child. She's entitled to see it how she needs to see it, if that makes her sleep, but I don't want to be a part of it. And so there's an old saying that murder kills not just victims, it kills families too, and that's a good example of that. Alyssa Scolari [19:39]: It's so true, so, so true. Now, but for you, it didn't kill you. Jan Canty [19:46]: No. Alyssa Scolari [19:47]: And it sounds like it's partially because it's, like you said, that type of conflict grief, right? You have all this rage, this anger, because there's this sense of betrayal. Jan Canty [19:58]: Mm-hmm [affirmative]. Alyssa Scolari [19:59]: But you also, even just reading your bio and seeing where you're at now, you've now kind of incorporated the past and what happened to you into the work that you do now. Jan Canty [20:13]: Yes, I do. It took me 30 years to speak of it. I did not talk about it for a long, long time after I moved, but there was specific events that happened that made me come out of the shadows. And when it did, I had enough objectivity there, the dust had settled. I had gotten my ducks in a row. I'd deliberately done things to get myself back on track, because back in 1985, you're alone. There is no internet. There's no way to search out, I didn't even know the name homicide survivor then. All I knew is I didn't know a soul who'd been through what I'd been through, so it was up to me to deal with it as best I could and figure out how I was going to heal myself. So I fell back on a very old model that I was taught in my training, which is you look at biopsychosocial dimensions of behavior. And I thought I've got to address each of those. I've got to look at what I'm doing biologically, so I started doing triathlons. I started looking at things socially. I traveled around the world and went to remote villages, and visited and helped communities in very remote places who didn't even have drinking water, let alone a spouse. Women had no rights, and it was bug infested, and I tried to throw myself into helping other people who were less fortunate, in some ways, than myself. That put it in perspective. And I tried to heal myself psychologically by trying to read up on it. Once the internet came into being, and I could get resources, I started researching a little bit more about homicide survivors. And even now there's not a ton of information, but it's better than it used to be. And so that was my focus, was to say life, strangely, has prepared me for this. I've got my formal training, and I have my life training, and my goal now is to help other homicide survivors, and people close to homicide survivors, like perhaps a close friend of somebody who's lost someone to homicide. My goal is to help that population deal with their experience, because there's very little out there now. There's no parades in our honor. There's no national day that people are aware of for homicide survivors, and we're misrepresented in movies, if we're represented at all, because most of the time the focus is on the crime and the perpetrator, and maybe a trial, which is a myth, because like I said, most of the time it's a plea bargain. But as for the family of the deceased, they're just in the background. They're this fleeting people that are dissolved into tears, and then they lead them off stage and that's it. And that's where the story starts, that's not where it ends. So my goal has been to try to fan the flames of that, and create better understanding and a pool of resources for people in that situation. Alyssa Scolari [23:07]: And is that largely what you book is about, A Life Divided? Jan Canty [23:14]: Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [23:14]: Or is that more of a memoir? Jan Canty [23:16]: It's both. It's both. Alyssa Scolari [23:16]: Okay. Jan Canty [23:17]: It's a true crime memoir, but my deliberate intent was to segue at the end towards speaking to trauma survivors in general, so that you can use my story as a springboard to understand what goes on with trauma, so that other people can use it for their own benefit. Like, for example, I talk about nightmares as not something to fear. That's a part of the healing process, and it's natural and it's inevitable, and it's your mind trying to reset itself, and just as one silly example. But there's that, and then also the podcast. It was actually suggested to me by a relative in South Carolina who owns a crime scene cleanup business, and it was her idea to say you'd be a perfect person to have a podcast. And I'm thinking I don't know anything about podcasts, the technology, pop filter, the whole there's a lot as an uphill of information you have to gather. Alyssa Scolari [24:21]: It's a lot, right. Jan Canty [24:22]: But as you probably know, Alyssa, other podcasters are very helpful. It's like a nice community. Alyssa Scolari [24:28]: It's a nice community. It is. Jan Canty [24:29]: They're not competitive, they're helpful. Alyssa Scolari [24:31]: Yes. Jan Canty [24:31]: And they really helped me get on my feet, so that's how The Domino Effect of Murder was born. And that was two years ago, and it's now heard in 11 countries. Alyssa Scolari [24:39]: Wow. That's incredible. It's incredible. Jan Canty [24:44]: And I've met the most remarkable people. That's been so enjoyable. It's like my tribe. That's what I think of them as. These are people that went through, every homicide is unique, they're all different, but these are people that somehow figured out a way to make lemonade out of lemons, and I admire them. They're resilient. They're creative. They're compassionate. They're passionate and articulate, and willing to talk about their histories. And I've just admired them, and I enjoy speaking with them. Alyssa Scolari [25:19]: Yes, and you are one of those people. I mean, you truly are, and it's the kind of grief, and the kind of traumatic loss that you have been through. I think the grief expert, David Kessler, who is just one of my all-time-favorite people on the planet, he wrote the book called Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, and I believe he has an entire chapter dedicated to homicide, and it is because it is a much different type of grief. Jan Canty [25:59]: And it's a grief that one of the sad things about it is that when you start to knit together, when you start to pull yourself out of this, that's about the time the trial happens, or the court proceedings, and it just opens it up again. And anytime you see somebody in the news who died under very similar circumstances as your loved one, it opens it up, so that's another part that makes it hard. When I hear of somebody who's lost a loved one, they're missing and then they're found murdered, it's just, ah, it just rips at me. Alyssa Scolari [26:38]: Yeah. It's like this wound that just you can't get medical attention for. Jan Canty [26:38]: Right. Alyssa Scolari [26:44]: It's just this wound that weeps. Jan Canty [26:46]: Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [26:47]: And there's no healing. And one of the questions that I'm very curious to ask your opinion on this, there has been such a trend toward true crime, and I don't know if it's specifically in this country, or if it's worldwide. People are obsessed with true crime, myself included, right? Myself included. I listen to many, many, many true crime podcasts, and I think that there's been a lot of criticism that people are obsessed with it in a way that almost minimizes the tragedy. Do you feel that that's the case? Have you noticed that, that people more so are all about the drama of it, and less aware of like, no, this is homicide, this is devastating and life altering? Jan Canty [27:49]: I think you see an array. There are some podcasts which make light of it. My favorite podcasts, one is Wine and Crime, and they even laugh, and it trivializes it. Alyssa Scolari [28:04]: Yes. Jan Canty [28:06]: And in addition to that, it doesn't focus on the aftermath, it focuses on the crime itself. Alyssa Scolari [28:11]: The crime itself. Jan Canty [28:12]: Which is very common. But there are a handful out there that do bring up, and do try to address, the victims who are living. They're in a minority, but they're there, and I don't think they were even there five years ago, so that's refreshing. Alyssa Scolari [28:28]: Yes. Jan Canty [28:28]: What I find equally upsetting, for me, is the lack of interest in scholarly research on homicide survivors, because here's a for instance. When I do my episodes, I guess it's the researcher in me, but I always try to research the topic I'm going to be specifically addressing in that episode. One week I was going to be speaking with a young woman, she was like in her mid-twenties, maybe late-twenties at the most, who was a filicide survivor, meaning that her mother murdered her brother. Filicide is the murdering of one's child. She survived it. Alyssa Scolari [29:06]: I didn't know it. Jan Canty [29:08]: And so I thought, okay, I want to research filicide, and particularly what's the impact on the surviving child? Because it's not like the Watt's case. They're not always where all the children are killed. It's unique, it's there's differences. I could not find one shred of data, one study anywhere in the world that talked about this. And that's just one example, but it's not unique. And so but if you look up serial killers, oh my God, you don't have enough room to read all the articles. So academia is following that same mode. It's like can't you get off the subject of serial killers and the homicide itself and look at the aftermath? There's so much we need to know. What's the impact on development of children who witness a homicide? Or what's the impact of an older child if he sees his parent murder a younger child? We don't know, because nobody's researching these things. So that's one thing. And movies, they don't show the reality of it very often either. There's only a very few, few films out there that start with the trial, and then proceed to show the people's life afterwards. They're definitely in the minority, which I don't totally blame the academicians and the producers and the podcast hosts for this, because homicide survivors tend to run and hide. We don't like the spotlight. We don't want to talk about it. It took me 30 years to talk about it. So it's not just them not giving us a thought, but we run from the spotlight too, and so you put the two together and there's this big unknown. But I will tell you this, that it's an equal-opportunity club, and that at any moment anybody can join us. You just never know. Whether it's a mass homicide or an individual homicide, you don't know until it happens to you. Alyssa Scolari [31:06]: Exactly. Exactly. I thank you for that, and I thank you for your honesty, because I see that and I open my eyes to it. And listen, I am no angel in this. I, myself, am reading about The Stranger Beside Me, about Ted Bundy, Original Night Stalker or Golden State Killer. They recently caught him, but what are there books about- Jan Canty [31:32]: But the thing that I think we need to underscore here is that I believe, and the research supports this, that many women in particular who follow true crime do so as a learning tool for their own safety. What do I need to know to avoid this happening to me? So it's not always a gossipy kind of mystery-intrigue angle that they have, it's self-protection. Alyssa Scolari [31:57]: Absolutely, but I think that self-protection also can be extended to looking at the impact of the survivors, because as easily as we could be a victim of homicide, that's as easily as we could be a survivor of homicide, right? Jan Canty [32:14]: I wish more people would see that. Alyssa Scolari [32:16]: Yeah. And it's, you know, there are no books on, like you said, like I ... Jan Canty [32:21]: One book, if I can plug it, and I learned about it from my podcast. Alyssa Scolari [32:24]: Oh yeah? Jan Canty [32:24]: The one about [inaudible 00:32:25], and it's a wonderful book. If you are a police officer listening, get this book in your department to hand out at crime scenes of homicides. It's called What to Do When the Police Leave, and it's exactly what it's about. It's almost like a manual, like Step A, Step B. Alyssa Scolari [32:44]: Wow. Jan Canty [32:44]: And it's been printed over 40,000 copies, but it's I think it should be, and especially with the uptick in homicides in the last year. Homicides have nationally gone from an average of 18,000 annually to now 20,000 since COVID has hit. Alyssa Scolari [33:00]: Oh my gosh. Jan Canty [33:00]: It's still rare. It doesn't mean it's frequent. It's like if you picture a football stadium, we're now talking about ten people in that football stadium, as opposed to maybe seven before, but still it happens. Alyssa Scolari [33:13]: Still significant, yeah. Jan Canty [33:14]: And that doesn't include always the bigger-scale homicides, the mass tragedies. But I think that there are books like that out there, but this is it, the public doesn't know about this safety net. They don't know the resources that are out there. I'm still learning about them, and it's so darn hard to find them. And I wish there was a clearinghouse or public, I don't know, a nationwide conference, or something we could pull these resources together, police, victims and attorneys and so on, and learn from one another, to get a boost going so that the safety net is there and in place. The closest one I can find is through Arizona. The Arizona Homicide Inc is what they call it, I-N-C, Homicide Inc. It's- Alyssa Scolari [34:02]: And that's a conference? Jan Canty [34:03]: It's an organization within Arizona. They have support groups, they have pamphlets, they have speakers. And they are probably, and from where I sit, it looks like the most organized, and probably one of the earliest. The other one is Parents of Murdered Children. They're both in the United States and Canada. They are very organized. And despite what the name sounds like, they are open to speaking with people other than parents. But there aren't many. There's very, very few. Alyssa Scolari [34:32]: Very few. Jan Canty [34:33]: And so I'm hoping that through your podcast, and people listening here as well as my own, that people will become more aware of resources out there. Alyssa Scolari [34:44]: Yes. And I will absolutely link your book, your podcast, as well as the What to Do When the Police Leave book in the show notes for the listeners. Jan Canty [34:57]: It's written by Bill Jenkins, J-E-N- Alyssa Scolari [34:59]: Bill Jenkins? Okay. Jan Canty [35:00]: Whose son was murdered. One thing also, if I could just touch on quickly. I know we're running out of time, but- Alyssa Scolari [35:06]: Oh yeah, go ahead. Jan Canty [35:07]: If I could speak to some of the other myths surrounding, one I've already mentioned, that frequently murders end in trial. That's like CSI stuff on TV. Alyssa Scolari [35:17]: Yeah. Jan Canty [35:17]: That isn't the case. Alyssa Scolari [35:17]: Law and Order. Jan Canty [35:19]: 95% of them end up in a plea bargain, so be prepared for the murderer of your loved one to get a lesser offense charge. The other one is that once a homicide occurs, that the grieving people who are going through it, that they receive a lot of support. And that doesn't usually happen, except at the time of the funeral, and maybe at the time of the trial, but it quickly falls off. And therefore, one of the recommendations I would make is if you knew somebody that had had this happen to, and you're close to them, stay in touch with them over the next few months. They're going to need you to be there for them month five, month six, and the year anniversary of the murder. The other misperception is that once people are convicted of homicide that they serve very long sentences, and that too is false. Nationally, if you are convicted of a first-degree premeditated murder, the national average, and it does vary by jurisdiction, is 17 years. If you are convicted of second-degree impulsive murder, the national average is only five years nine months. That's involuntary manslaughter 9.2 years, so it's really not what you think. We don't have these life sentences. About 2% of murder convictions are false convictions, that is an innocent person has been railroaded into giving a false confession and put behind bars. And there's a man I met, he was a guest on my episode, called Deskovic is his last name, Jeffrey Deskovic. He was a teenager who was interrogated over many hours and just given caffeine, finally falsely confessed to a murder of his classmate, and served 16 years before he was released. He's now an attorney himself and helps other exonerees get their day in court. Alyssa Scolari [37:15]: Wow. Jan Canty [37:17]: Another myth is that women are at greatest risk when they are alone outside after dark. And what the data shows is that the most common place for women to be murdered is their own home, and the most common perpetrator is someone close to them. It could be an ex-boyfriend, could be a neighbor, but it's somebody known to them. It's not the stranger pulling them into a van and dumping them into the woods. That happens, but that's not the biggest risk. Most women are murdered in their home. And about 65% of murders are by people who know each other well, so family members, friends, coworkers are the 65% of all homicides are perpetrated by that group versus strangers, which is not how it's portrayed in the media very often. Alyssa Scolari [38:02]: No. Jan Canty [38:04]: So there are other myths, but those are just the ones I wanted to throw out. Alyssa Scolari [38:07]: Wow. Thank you. Jan Canty [38:10]: Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [38:10]: Thank you for what you do. You truly embody, I think, the word resiliency. You embody what this podcast is really all about. Jan Canty [38:23]: And if I can do it, other people can do it. Alyssa Scolari [38:26]: Yes. Jan Canty [38:26]: You need to surround yourself with strong people. You need to pay attention to your biology, get your rest, get your hydration. You don't have to do marathons and triathlons. Alyssa Scolari [38:26]: Could though, right? Jan Canty [38:37]: But you do have to get off your chair and go walk at least. So pay attention to your diet, ratchet down the cigarettes and the pop and the bad stuff. Take care of yourself biologically. In fact, I would recommend you see a physician within the first weeks of a homicide. Take care of yourself socially. Don't become a hermit. I did that, it doesn't work well. Surround yourself with at least one or two close allies. They don't have to have been through what you've been through, but just to have them sit there and listen. They don't have to throw out any recommendations, there's no magic words they need to come up with, but just to sit there non-judgmentally and listen to you, whether it's 3:00 am or whatever it is, and listen to them is very, very helpful. The other thing that friends can do which is very helpful, especially in the early weeks, is do not say call me if you need something, because people don't know what they need. And instead, say- Alyssa Scolari [39:30]: Right, so they won't call you. Jan Canty [39:31]: Right. Instead, say I noticed you need to take your car in to get your tires rotated. I'm going to do that for you. Or you need to get your cat into the vet. I'll get that done for you. Or I'm going to grocery shop. I'm going to bring your groceries to you. Do something specific and concrete that you know they will benefit by. I had a friend whose husband suicided, and I know she was very worried, she kept talking about how am I going to get my grass cut, because she was not physically well. And so I purchased landscaping for that summer for her, and you'd think I'd given her a million dollars. If I had said to her call me if you need something, that would have never happened. Alyssa Scolari [40:04]: No. I have almost felt, I hate that phrase so much. I have always seen it as a cop out, and it might just be a personal thing. It might be I think sometimes people feel uncomfortable, they don't know what to say, so then they say just let me know if you need anything, and I feel like that's a cop out. Jan Canty [40:04]: Right. Alyssa Scolari [40:20]: It's like, no, that person will not be able to tell you what they need. Jan Canty [40:23]: Nope. Nope. Alyssa Scolari [40:23]: There are no words for this. Jan Canty [40:25]: No. Alyssa Scolari [40:25]: Just look and go into action. Jan Canty [40:28]: Yep. Alyssa Scolari [40:29]: And that's how you can be the best help. Jan Canty [40:31]: Yep. Alyssa Scolari [40:32]: I mean, that's my spiel on that. And that phrase always just frustrates me when there's grief or loss. It's like, no, because that puts more pressure on the victim. Jan Canty [40:44]: It does. You can't even make a decision. Alyssa Scolari [40:45]: Right, like what am I, the CEO of- Jan Canty [40:47]: And you're not looking at your life objectively. Alyssa Scolari [40:49]: Right. Jan Canty [40:49]: I mean, my mother comes in and sees the week-old, rotten hamburger. I mean, obviously I needed somebody to clean my kitchen, but I didn't notice. Alyssa Scolari [40:56]: Right. Exactly. Exactly. So ... Jan Canty [41:00]: But because of people like you reaching out and allowing me to speak, I do feel more optimistic that more people will be helped. Alyssa Scolari [41:07]: Yes. Even just today, right, or the week I'm having, listening to this, A, puts things into, I think, very serious perspective for me, but also helps me to know that people out there, myself included, can do very hard things, and can take so much pain, pain that we did not deserve. You did not deserve it, you didn't need it, you didn't ask for it, you didn't want it, you never saw it coming. Jan Canty [41:41]: No. Alyssa Scolari [41:41]: But you took it, after many, many years, as hard as it was, and now you are using it to help other people. Jan Canty [41:48]: I think people are more capable of doing things than they even think they are. Alyssa Scolari [41:52]: Agreed. Agreed. Jan Canty [41:53]: You don't know until it happens, what you're capable of. Alyssa Scolari [41:57]: 1,010% So I thank you so much for your vulnerability, for sharing your story. Everything will be linked in the bio for the listeners, so you can check all of that stuff out, and thank you. Jan Canty [42:14]: Thank you, Alyssa, for having me on. Alyssa Scolari [42:16]: Thanks for listening, everyone. For more information, please head over to lightaftertrauma.com, or you can also follow us on social media. On Instagram, we are at lightaftertrauma, and on Twitter it is @lightafterpod. Lastly, please head over to patreon.com/lightaftertrauma to support our show. We are asking for $5.00 a month, which is the equivalent to a cup of coffee at Starbucks, so please head on over. Again, that's patreon.com/lightaftertrauma. Thank you, and we appreciate your support. singing

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what's going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!   Show Notes for this Episode   Article: Which media have proven sticky as pandemic has diminished? What advice do you have for two single parents looking to blend their families? My son may be diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. How can I help my brother after a terrible car accident? Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief - David Kessler Lyrics of the Day: "Open-ended Life" - The Avett Brothers   As heard on this episode:  BetterHelp Redefining Anxiety John's Free Guided Meditation Ramsey+   tags: parenting, kids, marriage, relationships, boundaries, bipolar disorder, sickness/illness, substance abuse, anger/resentment/bitterness, family, disagreement/conflict, grief   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel frozen, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!   Show Notes for this Episode   We're having issues with my 20-year-old son. He lives with us but misbehaves and is possibly in a romantic relationship with my 17-year-old step-daughter. How do I help my teenage kids deal with the suicide of their father and brother? Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief - David Kessler My 7-year-old stepdaughter lives with her biological dad’s mom. How can we develop a relationship with her and possibly regain custody? Lyrics of the Day: "Tiny Dancer" - Elton John   As heard on this episode:  BetterHelp Redefining Anxiety John's Free Guided Meditation   tags: parenting, kids, boundaries, abuse, suicide/self-harm, trauma/PTSD, grief   These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.`

David Kessler is the world's foremost expert on healing after loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even after life's tragedies. He is the author of six books, including the new bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. He co-authored two books with Elisabeth Kubler Ross, including On Grief and Grieving where he helped her adapt the 5 stages for grief. His first book, The Needs of The Dying received praise from Saint (Mother) Teresa.

David's personal experience as a child witnessing a mass shooting while his mother was dying in a hospital inspired him to begin his journey. For most of his life, David has taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about the end of life, trauma, and grief. However, despite his vast knowledge on grief, his life was turned upside down by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. It moved him to write his newest book, Finding Meaning.
He is the founder of www.grief.com where you can find free resources to help after loss. The new paperback edition of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief was released this September and includes an afterword that addresses the pandemic and other current events.
In 2020, David's wisdom has gone viral. His interview with Brene Brown is the #1 Podcast in the world. The audio of Finding Meaning has been submitted by Simon and Schuster for consideration as a Best-Spoken Word GRAMMY nomination. 

David Kessler is the world's foremost expert on healing after loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even after life's tragedies. He is the author of six books, including the new bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. He co-authored two books with Elisabeth Kubler Ross, including On Grief and Grieving where he helped her adapt the 5 stages for grief. His first book, The Needs of The Dying received praise from Saint (Mother) Teresa.

David's personal experience as a child witnessing a mass shooting while his mother was dying in a hospital inspired him to begin his journey. For most of his life, David has taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about the end of life, trauma, and grief. However, despite his vast knowledge on grief, his life was turned upside down by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. It moved him to write his newest book, Finding Meaning.
He is the founder of www.grief.com where you can find free resources to help after loss. The new paperback edition of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief was released this September and includes an afterword that addresses the pandemic and other current events.
In 2020, David's wisdom has gone viral. His interview with Brene Brown is the #1 Podcast in the world. The audio of Finding Meaning has been submitted by Simon and Schuster for consideration as a Best-Spoken Word GRAMMY nomination. 

As I reflect on the conversations I have with parents who reach out to me I see similar themes emerging, especially when those parents have children with complex medical and/or mental health challenges. In this week's episode, I talk about those themes and how I have found myself able to overcome these parenting challenges.Resources:1. Brown, B. (Host). (2020, March 31). David Kessler and Brené on Grief and Finding Meaning. [Audio podcast episode]. In Unlocking Us with Brené Brown. Cadence13. https://brenebrown.com/podcast/david-kessler-and-brene-on-grief-and-finding-meaning/2. Kessler, David. Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. Scribner, 2020.3. Brown, B. (Host). (2020, March 23). Tarana Burke and Brené on Being Heard and Seen. [Audio podcast episode]. In Unlocking Us with Brené Brown. Cadence13. https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-tarana-burke-on-empathy/4. Brown, B. (Host). (2020, March 27). Brené on Comparative Suffering, the 50/50 Myth, and Settling the Ball. [Audio podcast episode]. In Unlocking Us with Brené Brown. Cadence13. https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-comparative-suffering-the-50-50-myth-and-settling-the-ball/

I had the pleasure of speaking with today's guest, Angie Arora, and her colleague several months ago about the research done on the challenges of pet loss and bereavement. They shared so much information during that discussion that I asked Angie to return to the show today. In this episode, Angie takes a deep dive into pet loss and bereavement, the stages of grief, immortalizing a beloved pet, and some of the challenges people had to face during the pandemic.  Angie is a registered social worker from Toronto, Canada, with over sixteen years of experience in the fields of pet loss and veterinary compassion resilience. She is a virtual pet loss facilitator and a lead coach for VetVine's Wellness and Professional Resiliency Coaching Program. She also continues to research to better support clients through their pet's end of life. Join us today to hear more about the work Angie is doing to help people through the various stages of the grief process.  Show highlights: Angie explains what led her to become interested in doing the work she does. Angie describes the various types of grief. Angie explains why social support networks are everything when it comes to grief and mourning. And why people need to tap into support networks now more than ever. Emotional regulation begins with self-awareness. Angie explains what it means to be self-aware. Angie discusses the importance of the routine that pets bring to our lives. Kristen Neff wrote an excellent book about self-compassion. Angie explains what self-compassion means and why it is vital to have self-compassion during the grieving process. Often, when people grieve the loss of a pet, they lose the support networks that are evident in other aspects of their lives.  Validation is a fundamental need. When we are not validated, it can complicate the rest of our healing journey. We need to find ways to adapt to the pandemic situation without sacrificing our needs in the process. Angie discusses that in the context of pet loss and pet memorial. Angie discusses the work that David Kessler has been doing around the sixth stage of grief, the meaning stage. Angie shares some of the greatest lessons she's learned from the people she has helped.   Angie's bio: Angie Arora, MSW, RSW Angie Arora is a registered Social Worker from Toronto, Canada, with over 16 years of experience in the areas of pet loss and veterinary compassion resilience. She has worked as a hospital Veterinary Social Worker, facilitated community-based pet loss support groups, and engaged in media campaigns to reduce the stigma associated with pet loss. Angie serves as the Board Secretary for the International Association of Veterinary Social Work, is the Research Chair for the International Association for Animal Hospice &Palliative Care, and volunteers her time to address equity issues within veterinary medicine. She works with VetVine as a Virtual Pet Loss Facilitator and is the Lead Coach for their VETPeers Wellness and Professional Resiliency Coaching Program. She is a Professor with Seneca College's Social Service Worker Program, where she was the principal investigator of a research study that developed guidelines for veterinary teams to better support clients through their pets' end of life. Angie obtained her Bachelor of Social Work from Ryerson University and Masters of Social Work from York University. Links and resources:   Contact Angie on https://www.linkedin.com/in/angiearora/ (LinkedIn) Email Angie – angie.arora@senekacollege.ca  Books: David Kessler:  “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.”  https://grief.com/sixth-stage-of-grief/ (https://grief.com/sixth-stage-of-grief/) Kristen Neff, PhD   Self Compassion- https://self-compassion.org/ (https://self-compassion.org/) Meg Daley Lomert “Made for Each Other: The Biology of the Human-Animal Bond”   ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS & CHAT ROOMS:  ...

This is part 3 of my series on forgiveness.  In this episode, I talk about how being vulnerable has helped me on my journey of forgiveness and how it has helped me find purpose in my grief and loss.    The resources and books I mention in this episode are:   “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown and her podcast “Unlocking Us”  “Ultimate Confidence: The Secrets to Feeling Great About Yourself Everyday” by Marisa Peer   “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief” by David Kessler   

Devi Sridhar, professor of Global Public Health at the University of Edinburgh, joins Christiane Amanpour to asses where the UK is at with its vaccine rollout and how Biden plans to quickly implement his federal plan to combat covid-19. Jens Stoltenberg, NATO Secretary General, discusses President Biden's promise to repair alliances and "engage with the world once again." House Intelligence Chairman Representative Adam Schiff talks impeachment; he says we should not presume all Americans nor U.S. Senators have seen all the evidence related to the insurrection. Then our Michel Martin speaks to David Kessler, author of "Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief", about President Biden’s unique understanding of grief and the importance of remembrance.To learn more about how CNN protects listener privacy, visit cnn.com/privacy

NOTE: STOP LISTENING AT 41:30 TO AVOID SPOILERSWelcome to our first book club discussion! We absolutely loved The Book of Two Ways. We discuss why (character by character) and also delve into the major themes. We're all big fans of Jodi Picoult, but this book--with its discussions of death and grieving, science, choices and ethics--is the perfect and most necessary read of 2020. If you haven't read the book and don't wish to be spoiled, the first half of this podcast is safe. Buy The Book of Two Ways: https://bookshop.org/books/the-book-of-two-ways-9781432883348/9781984818355  Other books discussed:Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief (David Kessler), Dark Matter (Blake Crouch), The Midnight Library (Matt Haig), The Space Between Worlds (Micaiah Johnson), Exhalation (Ted Chiang) and The Two Lives of Lydia Bird (Josie Silver) Follow What You Should Read:Twitter: @wysr_podcastInstagram: @wysr_podcastGoodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/115539912-what-you-should-read-podcastYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCfNtid_b0R14otSPRZTkmQwww.whatyoushouldread.comDon't forget about our next book club! We're discussing Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones on February 9! You can email your thoughts or find us on social media! We're really excited for this one--and its special guest!

Today's episode is a very special one for me. It is with my mom, Dr. Cristiana White. In this episode, we chat about her journey from the Dominican Republic, where she was raised and started her psychology education, to the United States, where she would raise a family, find work in her field and continue her education. We discuss her love for psychology, and her work as a social worker and guidance counselor. We also talk about our relationship and we discuss a period of difficulty we experienced that lasted for several years, starting in about 2006. One of the takeaways from this part of the conversation that I think is worth noting is the role of memory in relationships and how two individuals can remember a significant event totally differently, depending on their interpretation. This episode was a real pleasure for me to get to record and I hope you find it enjoyable as well."Man's Search for Meaning" http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/1416524282/"12 Rules for Life" http://www.amazon.com/Author-Jordan-B-Peterson-Antidote/dp/B0839HKC44"Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief" https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Meaning-Sixth-Stage-Grief/dp/1501192736"The Life Cycle Completed" www.amazon.com/Life-Cycle-Completed-Extended-Version/dp/0393317722/"Trial-Based Cognitive Therapy" www.amazon.com/Trial-Based-Cognitive-Clinical-Psychology-Psychiatry/dp/1138801445theEWpodcast: http://theewpodcast.com/podcast-024-dr-cristiana-white-my-mom/

On this episode of Following Jesus with Christ Church pastors Andrew & Addison talk with long time member Miriam Engler on grief. Miriam has been practicing therapy in the Grand Rapids area and brings her years of experience and wisdom to the present circumstance we all find ourselves in. The traditional five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance), as outlined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross to describe the emotional journey of preparing for the death of a loved one, plot a useful map as we transit through the uncharted emotional aspects of the COVID-19 pandemic. David Kessler, who worked with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross prior to her death to update the five stages of grief in their 2005 book On Grief and Grieving, stresses that these stages are not linear, and don’t have to be done in any particular order. “One of the things that’s happened over the years is that they’ve become ‘Five easy steps for grieving’ to sort of tidy up our grief, and I always remind people there’s nothing neat or tidy about grief. It’s a very organic process,” he says. …. This prompted his most recent book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, which he published in November 2019, after getting the approval of the Kübler-Ross family to update her iconic stages of grief. “Meaning is so important because many of us, after every tragedy, deal with post-traumatic stress, and meaning is really the key to us having post-traumatic growth,” he explains. Quotes from the show:"the dance that God has invited us to...is always going on: the band playing the music of forgiveness never takes a break .. the real job of Christians as far as the world is concerned is simply to dance to the hidden music...to wake the world up to the party" - Robert Farrar Capon, "Between Noon & Three: Romance, Law & the Outrage of Grace" Scriptures from the show:The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. (Ps 23:1) Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth. (Ps 124:8) All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Ps 139:16) The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD. (Prov 16:33) Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. (Matt 10:29) And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Rom 8:28) And he [Christ] is before all things, and in him all things hold together. (Col 1:17) He [Jesus the Son] is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. (Heb 1:3) Resources/Links: Noticing signs of grief? We would be happy to walk with you through those. Click here to submit a request. More resources from Christ Church COVID-19 Response page. You can subscribe to our podcast on Apple iTunes by clicking here, or on your Android platform you can find us here. Consider rating and reviewing us, that's the best way for people to find this podcast. Also share this show with a friend or family member. Grace & Peace

William Wetmore Story sculpted The Angel of Grief for his wife's grave after her death in 1894. He wrote that it was the only way he could express his feelings of utter abandonment. It was his last work before his own death one year later. We may not readily identify grief in the gamut of emotions we're feeling during this pandemic. We haven't lost the kind of love expressed through William Story's sculpture, but loss is very much at the center of our new reality. We are collectively grieving the loss of a world that has changed forever. Also this hour: There's a growing movement of people who want to walked back his desire to reopen the economy by Easter on Sunday evening, there remains an unsettling push to prioritize the economy over certain groups of people. Lastly, we must resist blaming "others" for viruses we can't control. GUESTS: Gregg Gonsalves - Assistant professor of epidemiology and the co-director of the Global Health Justice Partnership at Yale School of Public Health David Kessler - The author of five books and the founder of grief.com; his latest book is Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief Ian Buruma - Professor of human rights and journalism at Bard College Join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter. Colin McEnroe, Cat Pastor, Catie Talarski, Gene Amatruda, Joe Coss, and T.J. Coppola contributed to this show.Support the show: http://www.wnpr.org/donateSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We're delighted to offer you this encore episode of our interview with grief expert David Kessler. David is currently touring the U.S. offering a daylong seminar related to his newest book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.   David is bringing his seminar to Texas in February to the following cities.  Dallas, February 11 Houston, February 13 Austin, February 19 San Antonio, February 20 Please visit Grief.com to find out when David will be in your area.  For hospice professionals, David is offering a discount of $100 off the regular seminar when you register by using special discount code “DK100” at checkout.  This seminar is for hospice professionals of all disciplines, counselors, therapists, psychologists, and funeral directors.  Please enjoy this encore episode and be sure to visit The Heart of Hospice website for more information about grief and bereavement. 

David Kessler has written a new book called "Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief." Specifically, Kessler suggests that the five stages of grief ignore his belief that after you reach acceptance, there is another step one should consider taking to address the on-going pain of their loss.

The Heart of Hospice was honored to sit down and chat with David Kessler about his work in grief and healing, his personal grief experiences, and his new book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.  According to his website grief.com, David “is one of the world's foremost experts on healing and loss. His experience with people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life - even after life's tragedies.  He is the author of five bestselling books on grief. His first book, The Needs of the Dying is a #1 best-selling hospice book, praised by Mother Teresa, and he co-authored the two bestsellers: On Grief and Grieving and Life Lessons with the legendary Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.”  David was generous enough to share his wisdom and experience with Helen and Jerry, and The Heart of Hospice listeners. With every copy of his new book, David is offering a free companion course.  You can find details at www.sixthstage.com.  Find more information and resources about hospice philosophy and self care tips by visiting theheartofhospice.com.