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2 episodes with arrival fallacy
2 episodes with arrival fallacy
Today's episode is a special one. I hand the mic over to my friend Angela for a deep, no-holding-back conversation about my book In Pursuit. We get into the writing process, the messy middle, the self-abandonment patterns we carry, and what it really takes to live a life that feels like home to yourself. This isn't an interview as much as it is a soul-level conversation between two coaches about purpose, discomfort, emotional mastery, and the wild courage required to become who you were meant to be. If you've ever felt like you were “living in black and white,” chasing the next achievement, or waiting for the rulebook that everyone else seems to have…this episode is for you.In This Episode, We Explore:The limiting beliefs and inner narratives I had to rewrite in order to write In PursuitWhat “the prison” looks like and how to know when you're living in itUnderstanding the Arrival Fallacy and Arrival AddictionWhy so many of us abandon ourselves on the way to our goalsThe nervous-system side of people-pleasing, boundaries, and emotional discomfortHow to stop outsourcing your worth and start building self-trustWhat it truly means to succeed without abandoning yourselfWhat I'm personally “in pursuit” of right nowWhat it means to live an unblocked lifeClick HERE to watch this episode on YouTube.If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, or tag me on IG with your biggest takeaway. Your support helps these conversations reach more people who need them.Links and Resources:Order my #1 New Release book In PursuitIf you love what you're hearing on the podcast, you've gotta check out my private coaching offers. Click HERE to learn more about one-on-one coaching with me!Get your complimentary copy of The Unblocked Journal to help bring awareness to perfectionist thinking and what it's creating in your life.Join My Do The Thing Community Let's Connect:Follow me on Facebook & Instagram: @JessicaSmarroShare your thoughts and experiences with the hashtag #UnblockedPodcast and tag @jessicasmarro!
I walk you through six science-backed questions that will help you design your most aligned, grounded, and fulfilling year yet. These are the prompts I personally use to understand what's working, what's not, and how to move toward the version of myself I want to become. You'll learn how to decode the patterns hiding in your best and worst days, how to use the expectancy effect to make your big dreams more achievable, why your values don't matter unless you're living them, and how systems (not motivation) actually determine your success. We'll also explore the beliefs you need to leave behind in 2025, plus the neuroscience explaining why reflecting on your wins dramatically increases motivation. Whether you feel stuck, excited for a reset, or simply want 2026 to look and feel different than the year before, this is guaranteed to help. If you want to go deeper, I created a free companion workbook + life audit at LizMoody.com/2026, to help you turn these questions into your most meaningful year yet.
In today's episode, I'm talking honestly about body image and not from a place of perfection, but from my real everyday experience. We'll unpack how constant exposure to food content, fitness trends, and curated lifestyles subtly shapes the way we think about our bodies. I share what intrusive thoughts around appearance can sound like and why they tend to show up when life slows down or feels uncertain. We talk about the arrival fallacy and the belief that once our body looks a certain way, we'll finally feel at peace and why that promise almost never delivers. I reflect on how comparison creeps in quietly and how it disconnects us from actually enjoying the lives we're building. This episode isn't about fixing your body; it's about understanding the mental patterns that keep you feeling dissatisfied even when things are objectively good. I also share perspective shifts that have helped me soften my relationship with my body without forcing positivity. We explore what it looks like to hold ambition and self-acceptance at the same time. If you've ever thought, “I should feel happier than this,” you're not alone. This conversation is an invitation to notice, not judge, the stories you're telling yourself. Body image isn't just about how you look. It's about how present you're able to be in your own life. And sometimes, the work isn't changing anything externally, but learning to arrive where you already are. Time Stamps: (1:32) Instagram Food Algorithms(7:26) The Intrusive Thoughts(9:02) Binging Landman(15:52) The Arrival Fallacy(20:49) Arthur Brooks Quote (23:12) Our New Home (31:32) Let Us Know If You Enjoyed Today's Episode---------------------Find Out More Information on Vital Spark Coaching---------------------Follow @vanessagfitness on Instagram for daily fitness tips & motivation. ---------------------Download Our FREE Metabolism-Boosting Workout Program---------------------Join the Women's Metabolism Secrets Facebook Community for 25+ videos teaching you how to start losing fat without hating your life!---------------------Click here to send me a message on Facebook and we'll see how I can help or what best free resources I can share!---------------------Interested in 1-on-1 Coaching with my team of Metabolism & Hormone Experts? Apply Here!---------------------Check out our Youtube Channel!---------------------Enjoyed the podcast? Let us know what you think and leave a 5⭐️ rating and review on iTunes!
Book a free Clarity Call to see if my coaching is right for you.Do you have a burning question you would like coaching on? Sign up for Insight Seat: Dharma Dialogues where you can get coaching on your question and help others by sharing your journey. Want weekly inspiration to your inbox? Sign up for my newsletter or follow me on Substack. In this episode, Katie guides you through how yoga, mindfulness, spirituality, and breathwork can help you move beyond the cycle of overwhelm and reconnect with peace in the present moment.Overwhelm often comes from trying to control outcomes, rushing toward the next task, and forgetting our connection to Source. Drawing on yoga philosophy, mindfulness teachings, and insights from Esther Hicks and Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar's Arrival Fallacy, Katie explores how living in constant “doing” energy keeps us disconnected — and how presence brings us back to flow.You'll also experience a guided breathwork practice designed to calm your nervous system and ground you in the now, helping you embody the balance and clarity that yoga calls sattva. Through the lens of spirituality and mindful awareness, you'll learn how to transform chaos into calm and rediscover joy in the journey.
We do this as moms all the time: we think it'll be better when. When the kids are older. When it's the weekend. When the semester is over. When Christmas finally comes. But the truth is, there's no such thing as “over there.” There's only here, this present moment, which is the culmination of all the little moments that led you here. In this episode, we're talking about the Arrival Fallacy, that sneaky lie that tells us peace and joy are waiting for us at the finish line, when really, the way you go through something is the way you'll arrive. If you've ever found yourself frustrated, overwhelmed, or disappointed by the holidays (again), I want to help you build a new foundation, one rooted in peace, presence, and hope. We'll talk about how Mary's Way of calm generosity, peaceful presence, and unwavering hope can change the way you walk through busy seasons, and how to start magnifying hope instead of stress in your home. Because just like Mary, we can learn to expect sorrow and still live in hope.Grab your earbuds and join me for: Mary's Way: Choosing Hope Over Disappointment. JOIN MAGNIFY 2025 HERE!
In this episode of Stories from the River, host and CEO Charlie Malouf welcomes keynote speaker and author Kristen Hadeed, fresh off her impactful talk at Broad River Retail's “Pioneering the Path - a Purpose 8:28 Experience” leadership event. Kristen opens up about her unexpected journey—accidentally launching the cleaning company Student Maid at just 19, navigating major failures, and discovering her passion for human-centered leadership. What began as a student side-hustle quickly became a laboratory for learning, where she uncovered how trust, communication, and belief in people can transform a culture. Kristen reveals the pivotal conversation with her friend and colleague Monique that ultimately shifted her company's purpose, evolving from her cleaning company Student Maid to a leadership development organization. Her story sets the stage for a larger message: leadership isn't about perfection—it's about courage, connection, and owning our impact. Charlie and Kristen also discuss how she prepares her keynotes, customizing every presentation to the culture and needs of her audience rather than delivering a pre-packaged speech. Together, they unpack themes from her session, including the power of a “resilience résumé,” confronting imposter syndrome, and recognizing fear as a signal that something truly meaningful is on the line. Kristen's vulnerability, humor, and practical wisdom invite Memory Makers to lead with heart, take ownership, and collaborate boldly with courageous conversations. From her first interactions with Broad River, Kristen says she immediately felt the authenticity and electricity of the culture. Part 1 captures that energy—an inspiring conversation about growth, intentional leadership, and the courage to build environments where people can thrive. Come back for part two of this conversation on Thursday! Additional Resources: Kristen's Leadership Development Company Website - https://www.kristenhadeed.com Permission to Screw Up by Kristen Hadeed - https://www.amazon.com/Permission-Screw-Up-Learned-Everything/dp/1591848296 The Human Leadership Program by Kristen Hadeed - https://www.kristenhadeed.com/humanleadershipprogram Kristen's Original 2012 TED Talk with over 3.3M Views: How to Retire by 20 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDvoGev5_tk Kristen Hadeed and Millennials on the Truly Human Leadership podcast: https://feeds.libsyn.com/67290/podcast/ep-19-kristen-hadeed-and-millennials Kristen Hadeed and Millennials on the Truly Human Leadership on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/truly-human-leadership/id992577373?i=1000581569564 The War of Art by Steven Pressfield - https://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Through-Creative-Battles/dp/1936891026 The Imposter Phenomenon by Dr. Pauline Rose Clance - https://paulineroseclance.com/impostor_phenomenon.html Silence the Imposter by Gary Frey - https://www.amazon.com/Silence-Imposter-Weapons-Syndrome/dp/B0CJLLLV61 Combining Ministry and Football: The Unique Path of Pittsburgh Steelers Chaplain Kent Chevalier - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJuLje81LNE Arthur Brooks - The Power of Teaching, The Arrival Fallacy, The Mad Scientist Profile, Lifting Heavy Weights, & The Two Best Practices To Be Happy - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-learning-leader-show-with-ryan-hawk/id985396258?i=1000725431986 Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/XOAGyXo5auw Visit https://www.storiesfromtheriver.com for more episodes. Broad River Retail brought this show to you. Visit https://BroadRiverRetail.com Follow us on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/broad-river-retail
In this episode of Stories from the River, host and CEO Charlie Malouf welcomes keynote speaker and author Kristen Hadeed, fresh off her impactful talk at Broad River Retail's “Pioneering the Path - a Purpose 8:28 Experience” leadership event. Kristen opens up about her unexpected journey—accidentally launching the cleaning company Student Maid at just 19, navigating major failures, and discovering her passion for human-centered leadership. What began as a student side-hustle quickly became a laboratory for learning, where she uncovered how trust, communication, and belief in people can transform a culture. Kristen reveals the pivotal conversation with her friend and colleague Monique that ultimately shifted her company's purpose, evolving from her cleaning company Student Maid to a leadership development organization. Her story sets the stage for a larger message: leadership isn't about perfection—it's about courage, connection, and owning our impact. Charlie and Kristen also discuss how she prepares her keynotes, customizing every presentation to the culture and needs of her audience rather than delivering a pre-packaged speech. Together, they unpack themes from her session, including the power of a “resilience résumé,” confronting imposter syndrome, and recognizing fear as a signal that something truly meaningful is on the line. Kristen's vulnerability, humor, and practical wisdom invite Memory Makers to lead with heart, take ownership, and collaborate boldly with courageous conversations. From her first interactions with Broad River, Kristen says she immediately felt the authenticity and electricity of the culture. Part 1 captures that energy—an inspiring conversation about growth, intentional leadership, and the courage to build environments where people can thrive. Come back for part two of this conversation on Thursday! Additional Resources: Kristen's Leadership Development Company Website - https://www.kristenhadeed.com Permission to Screw Up by Kristen Hadeed - https://www.amazon.com/Permission-Screw-Up-Learned-Everything/dp/1591848296 The Human Leadership Program by Kristen Hadeed - https://www.kristenhadeed.com/humanleadershipprogram Kristen's Original 2012 TED Talk with over 3.3M Views: How to Retire by 20 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDvoGev5_tk Kristen Hadeed and Millennials on the Truly Human Leadership podcast: https://feeds.libsyn.com/67290/podcast/ep-19-kristen-hadeed-and-millennials Kristen Hadeed and Millennials on the Truly Human Leadership on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/truly-human-leadership/id992577373?i=1000581569564 The War of Art by Steven Pressfield - https://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Through-Creative-Battles/dp/1936891026 The Imposter Phenomenon by Dr. Pauline Rose Clance - https://paulineroseclance.com/impostor_phenomenon.html Silence the Imposter by Gary Frey - https://www.amazon.com/Silence-Imposter-Weapons-Syndrome/dp/B0CJLLLV61 Combining Ministry and Football: The Unique Path of Pittsburgh Steelers Chaplain Kent Chevalier - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJuLje81LNE Arthur Brooks - The Power of Teaching, The Arrival Fallacy, The Mad Scientist Profile, Lifting Heavy Weights, & The Two Best Practices To Be Happy - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-learning-leader-show-with-ryan-hawk/id985396258?i=1000725431986 Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/XOAGyXo5auw Visit https://www.storiesfromtheriver.com for more episodes. Broad River Retail brought this show to you. Visit https://BroadRiverRetail.com Follow us on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/broad-river-retail
The guys cut through the noise and talk about staying positive when the world, and the jobsite, feels stacked against you. They hit spirals, sleep-as-a-reset, self-care without guilt, and building a team that actually buys in so you can keep momentum. Show Notes: 00:00 Cold Open: No BS 00:50 Chaos vs Control: What You Can Control 09:09 When the Spiral Starts (and How to Stop It) 11:29 Arrival Fallacy & Hedonic Adaptation 15:54 Hard Stop + Sleep as a Reset 26:49 Drop the Guilt: Make Space for Hobbies 32:56 Toxic Positivity vs Real Resilience 46:16 Punch-List Wins: Momentum from Small Finishes 59:44 Cut the Cancers: Protect Team Energy 65:42 Vision & Agency: Let People Own the Win 72:56 Weekly Inventory: Check Your Mind & Business Video Version: https://youtu.be/MLgkNEzR-_s Partners: Andersen Windows Buildertrend Harnish Workwear Use code H1025 and get 10% off their H-label gear The Modern Craftsman: linktr.ee/moderncraftsmanpodcast Find Our Hosts: Nick Schiffer Tyler Grace Podcast Produced By: Motif Media
Apply to be in my next Learning Leader Circle - https://learningleader.com/leadership-circles/ This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader Notes: Key Learnings The Mad Scientist Emotional Profile – High achievers typically have both high positive and high negative affect. "Hustlers, hard workers, strivers, entrepreneurs, ambitious people, they're in that quadrant of high positive, high negative affect." This creates intensity but requires management of negative emotions. Dangerous Negative Affect Management – People try to manage high negative affect through alcohol, excessive internet use/pornography, and workaholism. "The isms, the addictions, they're almost all negative affect management techniques." Two Best Ways to Manage Negative Affect: Faith, Spirituality, Philosophy - "Every day, go deep" into transcendent practices Physical Exercise - "Go pick up heavy things" - resistance training moderates negative emotions Arthur's 4:30 AM Protocol – Wakes at 4:30, works out 4:45-5:45, attends mass 6:30-7:00, then has high-protein breakfast with dark coffee at 7:45 for 4 hours of peak creative focus. "I get four hours of creative concentration with maximum dopamine." Exercise Reduces Unhappiness, Doesn't Create Happiness – "Working out hard... moderates negative affect. It makes you less unhappy" rather than directly increasing positive emotions. The Failure Journal Method – Write down failures/disappointments, return after 3 weeks to note learnings, return after 2 more months to identify good things that resulted. This installs learning in the prefrontal cortex rather than letting it "float around limbically." Early Success Can Be Dangerous – Scholars rejected for early research grants outperformed those with early success. "Much better is when you do the work and build yourself up... be a wholesaler before you become a retailer." Management Doesn't Provide Flow – "There's one kind of job where you don't get flow, and that's management... you're getting jerked from thing to thing to thing." Being CEO was "satisfying, but not enjoyable." Intelligence Must Serve Others – "Intelligence is just another gift... whether or not it makes you happier depends on whether or not you're using it to make other people happier." Denigrating others for lower intelligence indicates misusing your gift. The Arrival Fallacy – Olympic gold medalists often experience depression after winning because positive emotion comes from progress toward goals, not achieving them. "Your positive emotion doesn't exist to give you a permanent good day." Two Midlife Crisis Solutions: Focus on what age gives you rather than takes away Choose subtraction over addition - appreciate what you no longer have to do Making Changes Stick Requires Three Elements: Understand the science - Know why something works Change your habits - Actually implement different behaviors Teach it - Explain it to others to cement learning in the prefrontal cortex The Happiness Formula – "Use things, love people, worship the divine" instead of the natural impulses to "love things, use people, and worship yourself." Multi-generational Living Benefits – Arthur lives with adult children and grandchildren: "The research is clear that the closer you are to your grandchildren... the better it is for everybody." Quotes: "I get four hours of creative concentration with maximum dopamine in my prefrontal cortex... ordinarily I would get an hour and a half, two hours of real clarity." "The isms, the addictions, they're almost all negative affect management techniques." "Working out hard... makes you less unhappy. The research is very clear." "Being the boss isn't that fun. It just isn't." "I have carefully accounted for all of my days of happiness. They add up to 14." (Emir of Cordoba) "What's first prize in a pie eating contest? The answer is pie. So I hope you like pie." "Beware the corner office boys. Beware the corner office." "Use things, love people, worship the divine." "Watch one, do one, teach one." (Harvard Medical School) "Don't trust your impulses. Your impulses are to love things, use people, and worship yourself." Life Lessons Develop Daily Discipline Early - A Consistent morning routine with exercise and spiritual practice creates optimal brain chemistry for peak performance throughout the day. Manage High Achievement Personality - If you're a driven person, recognize you likely have high negative affect that needs healthy management through exercise and transcendent practices. Reframe Career Setbacks - Early failures often build stronger foundations than early successes. Use disappointments as learning opportunities through systematic reflection. Question Management Ambitions - Consider whether you enjoy management or just want the status/money. Management roles inherently provide less flow and enjoyment. Use Intelligence to Serve Others - Your cognitive gifts should lift others up, not put them down. Intelligence without service leads to unhappiness. Focus on Progress, Not Arrival - Derive satisfaction from forward momentum in meaningful work rather than achieving specific goals that won't provide lasting happiness. Embrace What Age Gives - In life transitions, focus on new capabilities and freedoms rather than what you're losing or leaving behind. Teach What You Learn - The most effective way to cement new habits and insights is to explain them to others. Teaching accelerates your own learning. Choose Subtraction - Happiness often comes from eliminating negative elements (bad meetings, toxic relationships) rather than adding more positive ones. Build Multi-Generational Relationships - Prioritize time with family across generations. The research strongly supports benefits for all parties. Exercise for Mental Health - View physical training as medication for negative emotions rather than just physical fitness. Cultivate Transcendent Practices - Whether religious, philosophical, or spiritual, daily engagement with something larger than yourself moderates negative emotions and provides meaning. Time Stamps: 00:10 Arthur's Fitness and Health Routine 02:01 Link Between Fitness and Happiness 04:03 Managing Negative Emotions 06:23 Morning Routines 13:24 The Importance of Failure 22:26 The Reality of Promotions and Leadership 27:56 The Power of Intelligence: A Double-Edged Sword 28:28 Using Gifts to Spread Happiness 29:20 The Impact of Helping Others 33:28 Avoiding the Arrival Fallacy 36:36 Redefining Retirement and Midlife 47:39 The Importance of Teaching and Learning 51:28 Life Advice 53:01 EOPC (End of the Podcast Club)
Welcome to a new week, friends! Ever run a PB, finished a marathon, or hit another big goal and kind of felt… eh? You may be experiencing what's called the ‘arrival fallacy'. This week on the pod, we're reflecting on times we've ticked off big goals of ours, how satisfied we felt afterwards, and whether the journey was more important than the destination.We also have a lot of exciting news sprinkled throughout the episode – a chance to bag yourself a nice sauna outing before work in Melbourne, some awesome Lululemon events at the Sydney Marathon in a few weeks, and of course, we'll share this week's Lululemon Cheeky Champion! LINKS:- Check out our latest Substack, ‘The ‘good enough' marathon diaries'.- Register for Lululemon's Sydney Marathon print shop, shakeout run or club house here- Check out Scottie Scheffler's Interview here- Read olympic athlete gold bobsled article here- Grab a Cheeky jumper for yourself here!Follow us wherever you get your podcasts + Instagram, TikTok, Substack, Phoebe's Strava + Anna's Strava, and join our Strava community
"One of the things I've done is to reconfigure the fireworks. The fireworks for me now are getting to have this thing off my desk so I get to work on something new. That's the firework," says Yi Shun Lai, an author, writer, and instructor.Our occasion for this show was an essay she wrote for Writer Magazine about "arrival fallacy," this notion that once we get "there," wherever "there" is, we will have made it.She's the author of three books, all in different genres, the YA novel A Suffragist's Guide to the Antarctic, the novel Not a Self-Help Book: The Misadventures of Marty Wu, and the micro memoir Pin Ups.Learn more about Yi Shun at thegooddirt.org and follower her on social media @yishunlai.In this episode, we talk about: How to reconfigure the fireworks Arrival fallacy Money Privilege And being kind to yourself.Order The Front RunnerNewsletter: Rage Against the AlgorithmWelcome to Pitch ClubShow notes: brendanomeara.com
In this episode, hosts Nick and Amanda have another AITAH episode and discuss various themes related to fitness, coaching, and personal growth. They explore the challenges of being your own boss, the importance of patience in achieving fitness goals, inclusivity, and the fallacy of arrival in the pursuit of success. The conversation also involes some Reddit reads on inclusivity in sports, navigating post-breakup social situations, and the role of doctors in providing nutrition advice. Additionally, they discuss injury recovery, the significance of community support, and the challenges of implementing environmental initiatives in running events.--------------------------------(00:00) Celebrating Milestones and New Beginnings(05:08) The Importance of Patience in Running(10:31) The Arrival Fallacy in Fitness(15:42) The Ethics of Attending Shared Spaces(25:25) Navigating Nutrition Advice from Doctors(30:48) Overcoming Injury and Mental Resilience(35:49) Gym Etiquette and Health Responsibility--------------------------------------Contact us:Amanda - @amanda_katzzNick - @nklastavaCode B2C -https://www.cranksports.com/Patreon - linkEmail - betweentwocoaches@gmail.com
The journey is as important as the destination. As a culture, we value future achievements and external accomplishments over the process of being and becoming. This emphasis can lead to a disintegrated way of life that leaves us feeling empty, isolated, and alone. If you're feeling a sense of restlessness and discontentment in life, now is a good time to examine the impact that self-awareness, emotional regulation, and resilience can have on your perspective. In today's podcast episode of Integrated Being, I have a special guest walking alongside me to share how true fulfillment comes from focusing on the present moment and embracing the journey of becoming rather than fixating on external milestones.
Imagine a legacy that not only sustains your family's financial well-being but also fuels their personal growth and purpose. On the Burn Your Boats Wealth podcast, David Shaw dives deep into how to avoid the pitfalls of arrival fallacy and build a truly meaningful inheritance. He reveals the transformative power of a multi-generational trust, a strategy that ensures your wealth serves as a launchpad, not a crutch. Discover how to empower future generations to thrive, not just survive. Tune in and redefine your definition of wealth.takeawaysArrival fallacy suggests that achieving goals doesn't guarantee happiness.People often return to work shortly after achieving major financial milestones.The journey of building wealth is often stressful and challenging.True satisfaction comes from who we become on our journey.We value what we earn and strive for, not what is given to us.Creating a multi-generational trust can help preserve wealth for future generations.Trusts can provide financial support without giving away the destination.It's important to consider what we take away from our children when we give them wealth.The journey is essential for personal growth and fulfillment.Planning for inheritance should focus on maintaining the journey for heirs.Sound Bites"It's not the destination that matters.""Trusts can go on for generations.""Don't rob them of their journey."Chapters00:00The Concept of Arrival Fallacy03:08The Importance of the Journey06:13Creating a Lasting Legacy Through Trusts12:16Introduction to Burn Your Boats Wealth Podcast13:26Engagement and Community Buildingkeywordsarrival fallacy, personal growth, journey, destination, inheritance, wealth management, multi-generational trust, life satisfaction, legacy planning, financial advice#arrivalfallacy #personalgrowth #journey #destination #inheritance #wealthmanagement, #multigenerationaltrust #lifesatisfaction #legacyplanning #financialadvice #wealthbuilding #burnyourboatswealthpodcast #davidshaw #investing #entreprenuer Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Why connection is the key to a life well lived.The new year gives us an opportunity to reflect on who we are and who we want to be. As we set resolutions and prepare for evolutions, this special four-part series on communication, happiness, and well-being explores practical ways to enhance our lives through better communication, deeper connections, and more meaningful choices.When it comes to happiness, Arthur Brooks says it's not about reaching a destination — it's about heading in the right direction. And according to him, that direction is fundamentally about relationships."Loving more people... more and more love... if you pursue that, you will defy the trends and get happier,” says Brooks, a social scientist, Harvard Business School professor, and author of several books including Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier, cowritten with Oprah Winfrey. According to him, a happy life is made of enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning, which we cultivate through connection with others. "Faith, family, friends, and work, that's your basic happiness 401k plan,” he says.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Brooks and host Matt Abrahams explore the fundamental role of relationships in creating a happy life, and how effective communication helps us build and maintain these essential connections.This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at BetterHelp.com/ThinkFast and get ten percent off your first month.Episode Reference Links:Arthur Brooks Arthur's Book: Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (02:27) - Defining Happiness (03:58) - The Macronutrients of Happiness (05:00) - Challenges in Pursuing Happiness (06:27) - Breaking Down Meaning in Life (08:11) - Happiness Across Life Stages (11:16) - Modern Happiness Challenges (14:29) - Mindfulness and Being Present (19:08) - The Final Three Questions (22:54) - Conclusion ********Become a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.Take advantage of our Sponsor offer from BetterHelp
This week, Alex Hutchison, writer and author of Endure and The Explorer's Gene: Why We Seek Big Challenges, New Flavors, and the Blank Spots on the Map, talks about the Arrival Fallacy - that what we expect to feel after we accomplish a goal like getting a promotion or running a marathon sometimes doesn't quite match up with our expectations. Rather than seeking a life changing transformation, Hutchinsons says to focus on the satisfaction and joy that's gained from the process of achievement and not necessarily the outcome.
This week, Alex Hutchison, writer and author of Endure and The Explorer’s Gene: Why We Seek Big Challenges, New Flavors, and the Blank Spots on the Map, talks about the Arrival Fallacy - that what we expect to feel after we accomplish a goal like getting a promotion or running a marathon sometimes doesn’t quite match up with our expectations. Rather than seeking a life changing transformation, Hutchinsons says to focus on the satisfaction and joy that’s gained from the process of achievement and not necessarily the outcome.
In this episode, my guest is Dr. Laurie Santos, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and cognitive science at Yale University and a leading researcher on happiness and fulfillment. We discuss what truly increases happiness, examining factors such as money, social comparison, free time, alone time versus time spent with others, pets, and the surprising positive impact of negative visualizations. We also explore common myths and truths about introverts and extroverts, the science of motivation, and how to adjust your hedonic set point to experience significantly more joy in daily life. Throughout the episode, Dr. Santos shares science-supported strategies for enhancing emotional well-being and cultivating a deeper sense of meaning and happiness. Read the full show notes at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman Eight Sleep: https://eightsleep.com/huberman ExpressVPN: https://expressvpn.com/huberman Function: https://functionhealth.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman David: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman Timestamps 00:00:00 Dr. Laurie Santos 00:02:52 Sponsors: Eight Sleep & ExpressVPN 00:06:00 Happiness, Emotion & Cognition; Emotional Contagion 00:11:18 Extrinsic vs. Intrinsic Rewards 00:14:43 Money, Comparison & Happiness 00:21:39 Tool: Increase Social Connection; Real-Time Communication 00:32:16 Sponsor: AG1 00:33:47 Technology, Information, Social Interaction 00:39:22 Loneliness, Youth, Technology 00:42:16 Cravings, Sustainable Actions, Dopamine 00:47:01 Social Connection & Predictions; Introverts & Extroverts 00:57:22 Sponsors: Function & LMNT 01:00:41 Social Connection & Frequency; Tools: Fun; “Presence” & Technology 01:07:53 Technology & Negative Effects; Tool: Senses & Grounding; Podcasts 01:15:11 Negativity Bias, Gratitude, Tool: “Delight” Practice & Shifting Emotions 01:25:01 Sponsor: David 01:26:17 Importance of Negative Emotions; Judgements about Happiness 01:34:16 Happiness & Cultural Differences, Tool: Focus on Small Pleasures 01:41:00 Dogs, Monkeys & Brain, “Monkey Mind” 01:47:40 Monkeys, Perspective, Planning 01:53:58 Dogs, Cats, Dingos; Pets & Happiness 02:00:49 Time Famish; Tools: Time Affluence Breaks; Time Confetti & Free Time 02:07:46 Hedonic Adaptation; Tool: Spacing Happy Experiences 02:15:27 Contrast, Comparison & Happiness; Tool: Bronze Lining, Negative Visualization 02:24:08 Visualization, Bannister Effect; Tool: Imagine Obstacles 02:29:12 Culture; Arrival Fallacy, Tool: Journey Mindset 02:37:11 Mortality, Memento Mori, Tool: Fleeting Experiences & Contrast 02:44:33 Awe 02:48:15 Timescales; Community Engagement & Signature Strengths; Tool: Job Crafting 02:56:55 Strength Date, Leisure Time; Tool: Doing for Others, Feel Good Do Good 03:01:42 Tool: Asking for Help 03:05:32 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Social Media, Protocols Book, Neural Network Newsletter Disclaimer & Disclosures
In this raw and unfiltered episode of Dr. Tami Talks, Dr. Tami delves into the concept of “arrival fallacy”—the idea that reaching a specific milestone or goal will bring us the fulfillment, success, or happiness we seek. With heartfelt vulnerability and transformative insights, Dr. Tami guides listeners to reframe their journeys, embrace the present, and unhook from external validation. Tune in for an intimate conversation about reclaiming your worth, overcoming limiting beliefs, and stepping into your power as the creator of your own life experience.Key Takeaways:1.What is Arrival Fallacy? The belief that achieving external goals will result in inner satisfaction, when in reality, the expected emotional payoff often doesn't materialize.2.The Power of the Journey: True fulfillment comes from aligning your journey with the emotions and values you seek, rather than postponing joy for an imagined future.3.You Are Enough: Your worth isn't tied to external achievements or circumstances—it exists because you exist.4.Feedback, Not Failure: Recognize arrival fallacy as valuable feedback about your belief systems and an opportunity for growth.***Looking for something more? Check out my website: www.drtamiberry.comAlready know you wanna work with me? That's great! Learn more & apply by CLICKING HEREWanna stay connected? Yay--me too!Follow me on IG: @tamiberry.mdFollow me on LinkedIn: @tamiberry.md
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Cindy Esliger addresses the arrival fallacy in this episode. That belief that once we reach a certain milestone in our careers everything will fall into place, as if by magic, and we will arrive in perpetual happiness. We will have “made it” into the mythological destination where we enter reward and leave the struggle. This fallacy doesn't actually work because rewards, experiences, professional growth, and fulfillment only occur as part of the journey, not as an arrival bonus. Cindy breaks down how to see the journey as fulfilling and abandon our obsession with instant gratification. When we are only focused on the destination, the goal, and the end result, we tend to miss the transformative work in between. We tune out more, we rush things, we don't want to learn. We simply want to arrive and be recognized. Cindy describes how to view the process of working as a reward in itself because of how it enriches our lives. She explains why going through the trials and grind of daily work to learn and flourish is ultimately better for our careers than immediate reward. It's difficult to shift out of the finish line mindset, so Cindy has three tips to make shifting into enjoying continual improvement easier: 1) Set process goals, 2) Celebrate the wins and learn from the losses, and 3) Reflect regularly. Cindy wants us to recognize that satisfaction in our career journey is kind of the point of our work. Fixating solely on the destination means we are never living in the now and are not learning how to grow beyond expectations. Join Cindy as she breaks down exactly why the arrival fallacy is exactly that, a fallacy.Resources discussed in this episode:Guide to Reshaping Your Career OutlookAstronomic AudioConfidence Collective—Contact Cindy Esliger Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email
F-Stop Collaborate and Listen - A Landscape Photography Podcast
In the latest episode, renowned photographer John Putnam joins host Matt Payne to share insightful discussions on blending family life with a demanding photography career. Throughout their conversation, both photographers unearth the significant impact of integrating personal experiences with professional endeavors and how this synthesis can redefine the essence of success in the field of photography. Resources Mentioned on the Podcast: My conversation with David DuChemin. Arrival Fallacy. Join us on Nature Photographer's Network, and use the code FSTOP10 for a 10% discount! Support the podcast on Patreon, and catch our bonus conversation where we discuss artist vs. photographer. John Putnam's Private Workshops: Listeners can use the code "justfstopit" for a 10% discount on all private workshops held in Acadia National Park. Photographers Mentioned on the Podcast: Greta Rybiss Chris Bennett Mac Stone - his photo, "Midnight Oil."
It's week one of the Summer of Surviving Publishing here at Camp Turning to Story, and we're covering the arrival fallacy. Sometimes we believe achieving a goal will make all our woes disappear: agents, books deals, movies... Gather around the campfire as authors Anna Mercier and Lyssa Mia Smith debunk arrival fallacies and discuss ways to maintain peace throughout the publishing journey. Join the Turning to Story Substack for extra resources and info!
In this episode, I discuss classic rock songs, arrival fallacy, impact basis and how to be more resilient. Listen to me try to tie in all these themes to summer music. Hope you will listen and chill out :)Songs in this episode:The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy,Badlands by Bruce Springsteen,American Girl by Tom Petty, Say hi on Instagram @positively_chill
Tune into an enlightening episode where Ethan and Jared Thomas, the dynamic duo of Brothers Creed Podcast, explore the powerful concept of "Carpe Diem" or "Seize the Day". They discuss the significance of cherishing and plucking each day when it's ripe, and dig into the profound ties of this principle with "Memento Mori", a Latin phrase reminding us of our mortality and life's fleeting nature. With engaging and thoughtful conversation, this episode affirms the necessity to live in the 'now' in a world obsessed with the past and the future. It examines common cognitive fallacies such as sunk cost and arrival fallacy that often distort rational thinking and foster unrealistic expectations. This is an episode for anyone who yearns to grasp the art of being fully present in each precious moment of life. The discussion deepens as the Thomas brothers identify prevalent happiness fallacies that can hinder us from experiencing joy in the present moment, including the Sunk Cost Fallacy and the Arrival Fallacy. These narratives from various life stages and personal experiences provide profound insight into the treasures and traps of truly living in the moment. Delving into the complex world of time perspectives, the hosts underscore the value of appreciating the present without letting past disappointments or future uncertainties cloud our perspective. They inspire listeners with anecdotes and quotes by luminaries such as Benjamin Franklin and Muhammad Ali, sharing how each day is an opportunity to make a meaningful impact. In this heartfelt and thought-provoking episode, learn to navigate the delicate balance between reminiscing about the past, planning for the future, and soaking in the present. It's a call to seize the fleeting moments of life and enrich the journey of self-discovery and growth. Make every day count with the Brothers Creed Podcast. For more from us follow us on these platforms: Follow us on Instagram @a.brothers.creed Follow us on YouTube Follow us on TikTok @a.brothers.creed
If you've ever achieved a big goal, was it everything you'd hoped? Probably not. Callum Wilson dreamt of representing England's national rugby team since he was a kid, but when it happened, it didn't change his life the way he'd hoped. Sidebar: This is NOT an episode about rugby. It's a powerful, tender conversation about how a tattooed, 113kg overachiever handled “arrival fallacy” – the concept that if we just achieve that big goal, THEN we'll be happy. You'll learn why diversifying your “goal portfolio” can create a positive shift, and how to handle the negative inner chatter when it insists you're not enough. Links: Callum Wilson on LinkedIn. NYT article on Arrival Fallacy, with Dr Ben-Shahar
In this episode, I introduce you to the concept of the arrival fallacy, explaining how the pursuit of future milestones can prevent you from experiencing present moments of happiness. I stress the importance of experiencing joy and satisfaction throughout your academic, career, and life journey, not just when achieving goals. To learn more, check out the following books: Happier : Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. 2007. Boston: McGraw-Hill. Happier No Matter What : Cultivating Hope Resilience and Purpose in Hard Times. 2021. New York: Experim2021. Preorder my forthcoming book by going to isgradschoolforme.com. Book me to speak at your upcoming professional development event. Follow me on your favorite social media platforms: Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, and Twitter Get my free 15-page Grad School Femtoring Resource Kit, which includes essential information to prepare for and navigate grad school Click the links to support the show with a one-time donation or monthly donation. And to learn more about our sponsorship packages, email us at gradschoolfemtoring@gmail.com. To download episode transcripts and access more resources, go to my website: https://gradschoolfemtoring.com/podcast/ *The Grad School Femtoring Podcast is for educational purposes only and not intended to be a substitute for therapy or other professional services.* --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/gradschoolfemtoring/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/gradschoolfemtoring/support
Find your Dharma—your inner calling—and learn to integrate ambition, work, and wellbeing to create a balanced, joyous life with the bestselling author, and visiting scholar at Harvard Medical School, Suneel Gupta, We discussWhat Dharma means—and how to find itHow the “Arrival Fallacy” impacts your fulfillmentThe 55/5 technique for resetting your energyWhy you achieve more with 85% effortShow NotesWeekly Newsletter Sign-Up: http://bit.ly/37hqtQW Follow Career Contessa: http://bit.ly/2TMH2QP Guest Resources:Suneel Gupta: https://www.suneelgupta.com/Everyday Dharma: https://www.suneelgupta.com/writing/everyday-dharma/Career Contessa ResourcesBook 1:1 career coaching session: https://www.careercontessa.com/hire-a-mentor/ Take an online course: https://www.careercontessa.com/education/ Get your personalized salary report: https://www.careercontessa.com/the-salary-project/ Browse open jobs: https://www.careercontessa.com/jobs/Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
the arrival fallacy refers to the belief that attaining a particular goal will lead to long-term happiness. in other words- when i (fill in the blank), i will be happy. when happiness is placed on a goal or tangible outcome outside of self, then we have unconsciously wired our brain to believe that happiness is not in the present moment. while the arrival fallacy isn't something to overcome overnight, actively searching for the root cause of the need to fill a void with things, people, and places outside of self is a great place to start. within this journey, you'll understand that happiness, peace, joy, and love exists inside of you. it's not in this far away space in the future. you are whole now. you are worthy now. you are enough now. so, search no further. COME TO BALI WITH ME + BGM connect with ri: YouTube | Instagram | Tiktok connect with sunset tim: Music | Instagram connect with FTHH: YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FTHH Website Music by $HVN if you are a brand that is interested in partnering with us, please email contact@forthehealthyhoes.com. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/forthehealthyhoes/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/forthehealthyhoes/support
Summary In this episode, Jeffery Downs discusses an article titled 'Is This It? On the Disappointment of Success' by Greg Vanourek. The article explores the concept of the arrival fallacy, which is the assumption that achieving a major goal will bring lasting happiness and satisfaction. Jeffery highlights examples of successful individuals who experienced disappointment after reaching their goals. He explains the factors that contribute to this disappointment, including the hedonic treadmill and the focus on outcome and achievement. Jeffery introduces streaking as an alternative approach to goal-setting, emphasizing the importance of enjoying the journey and focusing on daily, weekly, and monthly streaks. He concludes by discussing the power of streaking in avoiding the disappointment of success and invites listeners to explore streaking as a framework for personal growth and fulfillment. Takeaways The arrival fallacy is the belief that achieving a major goal will bring lasting happiness and satisfaction, but it often leads to disappointment. Successful individuals, such as Michael Phelps and Tom Brady, have experienced depression and a sense of emptiness after reaching their goals. The hedonic treadmill is the tendency to quickly adapt to changes in circumstances and return to a baseline level of happiness. Focusing on inputs, such as daily, weekly, and monthly streaks, can bring more joy and fulfillment than solely focusing on outcomes and achievements. Streaking offers a framework for personal growth and fulfillment by emphasizing the process, enjoying the journey, and becoming who you want to be. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Background 01:01 Introduction to the Article 02:23 The Arrival Fallacy 03:22 Examples of Disappointment in Success 04:50 Factors Contributing to Disappointment 07:16 The Hedonic Treadmill 09:12 The Role of Inputs in Finding Joy and Happiness 13:03 Actions to Address the Arrival Fallacy 18:15 Streaking as an Alternative to Goal-Setting 23:30 The Power of Streaking 29:30 Avoiding the Disappointment of Success through Streaking 31:04 Conclusion and Next Steps Live an intentional life, start Streaking. Streaking is the social media app for intentional self-improvement. Download Streaking app and start your own streaks also invite your friends to follow and celebrate your progress! You can learn more about Streaking by buying the book at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or Indie Books. Keep Streakin'
Do you ever feel like you're running on a never ending hamster wheel of stress? Do you ever feel like you'll be happy once the kids are out of the difficult stage they are in right now? Today we will talk about a common misconception in life to rectify it so you'll have more harmony in your home. Reply to this email with what you think about this episode and/or if you want to sign up for pocket coaching. Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let's Connect! Here's where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!
On this episode of The PWR Podcast, hosts Nicole and Sarah explore the common pitfalls in New Year resolutions, emphasizing the tendency to overachieve and the detrimental effects of tying future happiness to specific goals. They discuss the "Arrival Fallacy" and discuss the importance of distinguishing between avoidance and approach goals. Next, they'll talk about the WOOP Approach to Goal Setting—Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan—emphasizing the significance of visualizing outcomes and overcoming internal obstacles. They stress the need to set realistic, attainable goals and provide practical steps to strategically define and achieve objectives. The episode concludes with highlighting the process of goal accomplishment, the importance of celebrating small victories, and the exclusive PWR Facebook group for client support. Tune in for insightful discussions on goal-setting with integrity and a growth mindset! #PWRtothePPL Find PWR on Instagram: @pwr_518 Find Nicole on Instagram: @nfcardarelli Find Sarah on Instagram: @sar_rah_ward --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/pwr518/message
Welcome to year two/season two of Man in the Arena with Craig Spear! Today I am talking about goals. Not because it's the new year. I am talking about goals because GOALS MATTER.Goals make use happier, they make life easier and most importantly, goals give our lives meaning and purpose.It turns out that how you set goals also matters. With that, in today's episode I'm sharing my system of how to set health goals and actually follow through on them. I'm also sharing five key mistakes we make when setting goals and how to use my system to avoid them.Lastly, I am going to tell you about The Arrival Fallacy and what you should focus on instead as you pursue your goals.Did you find this episode helpful insightful or motivating? If so, let's connect! You can find me on....InstagramLinked InThe Spear Method Website
The Weekly Blitz is brought to you by our friends over at Shop Marketing Pros. If you want to take your shop to the next level, you need great marketing. Shop Marketing Pros does top-tier marketing for top-tier shops. The Weekly Blitz is brought to you by our friends over at Shop Marketing Pros. If you want to take your shop to the next level, you need great marketing. Shop Marketing Pros does top-tier marketing for top-tier shops. Click here to learn more about Top Tier Marketing by Shop Marketing Pros and schedule a demo:https://shopmarketingpros.com/chris/Check out their podcast here: https://autorepairmarketing.captivate.fm/If you would like to join their private facebook group go here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/autorepairmarketingmastermindIn this podcast episode, Coach Chris Cotton from Auto Fix Auto Shop Coaching discusses the vital role of coaching and goal setting for auto repair shop owners. He stresses the importance of personal and professional development, the psychological aspects of goal setting, and the impact of fresh starts and landmark dates. Cotton distinguishes between avoidance and approach goals, shares personal examples, and explores goal-setting frameworks, including the categorization of goals and the concept of anti-goals. He warns against the arrival fallacy and offers tools and methods for effective goal setting. Concluding, Cotton motivates shop owners to focus on happiness and improvement in the new year.Coaching Up (00:02:17) Coach Chris discusses the concept of coaching and its importance in improving skills and performance.Fresh Start Goals (00:05:22) The significance of landmark dates and the psychological impact on motivation for pursuing goals.Approach vs. Avoidance Goals (00:07:04) Differentiating between approach and avoidance goals and their impact on goal achievement.Goal Setting Framework (00:09:39) Sahil Bloom's advice on goal setting frameworks, including major goals, checkpoint goals, and anti-goals.The Arrival Fallacy (00:12:47) The false assumption that achieving a goal will lead to lasting happiness and the impact of defining success based on extrinsic goals.Tools for Goal Setting (00:14:50) Sahil Bloom's simple approach to goal tracking and the availability of apps and templates for goal setting.Various Goal Setting Methods (00:15:55) A rundown of popular goal setting methods, including SMART goals, hard goals, KPI-related goals, and big hairy audacious goals.Connect with Chris:chris@autofixsos.comPhone: 940.400.1008www.autoshopcoaching.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/AutoFixAutoShopCoachingYoutube: https://bit.ly/3ClX0ae #autofixautoshopcoaching #autofixbeautofixing #autoshopprofits #autoshopprofit #autoshopprofitsfirst #autoshopleadership #autoshopmanagement #autorepairshopcoaching #autorepairshopconsulting #autorepairshoptraining #autorepairshop #autorepair #serviceadvisor #serviceadvisorefficiency #autorepairshopmarketing #theweeklyblitz #autofix #shopmarketingpros
Emma Ganon on The Success Myth, our obsession with achievement and how to let go of the idea of having it all. We dive into her creative journey as an entrepreneur and writer of both nonfiction and fiction and the world of Substack. We also talk about Emma's different income streams, reflections on her Self-Publishing Era, and we look at how she distributes her time and energy. This was a heartfelt discussion about the pressure of wanting success and wanting happiness, navigating those both and how we might ultimately craft a creative life on our own terms.*ABOUT EMMA GANNON Emma Gannon is a Sunday Times bestselling author, broadcaster, speaker, novelist and creator of the no.1 careers podcast in the UK, Ctrl Alt Delete. She has been a columnist for The Times, Telegraph and Courier magazine. Emma has published multiple bestselling books, including The Multi-Hyphen Method; Sabotage and Disconnected. She writes a popular weekly newsletter called The Hyphen that is an exploration of ideas that have got her thinking in new ways.*RESOURCES & LINKSThe Success Myth by Emma Gannon Emma's Substack, The HyphenEmma's latest post, The Hyphen 2023 Round UpWriting a Novel: Bring Your Ideas to Life the Faber Academy Way by Richard SkinnerIt'll Be Fun, They Said by Jess Pan on Substack The Pound ProjectElizabeth Gilbert on Distinguishing Between Hobbies, Jobs, Careers, & VocationBill Plotkin on Mythopoetic Identity London Writers' Salon Interview with Seth Godin For show notes, transcripts and to attend our live podcasts visit: podcast.londonwriterssalon.comFor free writing sessions, join free Writers' Hours: writershour.com
Behavior Gap Radio: Exploring human behavior...with a Sharpie
Behavior Gap Radio: www.behaviorgapradio.com/
In the world of leadership, sometimes the most unexpected individuals rise to the occasion and make a profound impact. Picture this: a diagnostic radiologist turned military leader. It's a twist that no one saw coming, and yet, it had far-reaching effects on his career and those around him. But how did he navigate the challenges of leadership? How did he inspire his team to greater heights? There's a powerful story waiting to be told, so stay tuned to discover the surprising journey of this remarkable leader. “If we can address that thing, all these other things that we're trying to fight in the hospital get better.” - Paul Michaud In this episode, you will be able to: Learn how to navigate fear and anxiety to become a more confident and effective leader. Strengthen your conflict management skills and enhance communication for a more harmonious and productive workplace. Foster a culture of trust and open communication to promote collaboration and innovation within your team. Gain practical strategies to tackle difficult conversations and create an environment of open dialogue for better problem-solving and team cohesion. Discover the power of living in alignment with your personal values and how it can positively impact your leadership style and overall fulfillment in life. My special guest today is Paul Michaud. Paul is a father to 5 sons, Radiologist, Certified Physician Executive, and executive leadership coach. He served in the Army for over 13 years where he earned a reputation of creating exceptional work environments for his teammates and developing innovative leadership models for the organizations he has served. Notable past leadership positions include Chair, Department of Radiology, Chief Medical Officer, and Consultant to the Army Surgeon General. Paul currently serves as Professor of Radiology at West Virginia University, where he is pursuing his passion for teaching and developing the next generation of leaders. He is also an organizational leadership and executive coach with a particular interest in optimizing work environments and helping individuals navigate challenging life experiences such as trauma, divorce, and transitions in their career path. http://linkedin.com/in/paul-michaud-755287271 https://www.theinstituteofpurpose.com The key moments in this episode are: 00:00:00 - Introduction 00:01:25 - Becoming a Leader 00:04:09 - Goal as a Chief Medical Officer 00:07:01 - Autonomy and Productivity 00:09:54 - Trusting and Supporting Staff 00:14:10 - Leading with Transparency 00:18:10 - Handling Conflicts and Complaints 00:19:46 - Shifting Perspective: Complaints as Opportunities 00:22:13 - The Power of Communication and Feedback 00:24:02 - Autonomy and Individualized Approaches 00:29:10 - Addressing Concerns Professionally 00:29:59 - Importance of Near Misses 00:32:22 - Understanding Adverse Outcomes 00:33:59 - Personal Struggles Impacting Work 00:37:48 - Acknowledging Personal Struggles 00:44:00 - Career Decision and Loss of Identity 00:46:04 - Letting Go and Alignment 00:47:36 - The Arrival Fallacy and Integrity 00:50:44 - Inertia and Working in Alignment 00:54:51 - Finding the Right Fit
Have you ever wanted something badly, finally achieved it, and then found it didn't quite live up to the hype? Brad, Steve, and Clay discuss why this happens—and how you can protect against it.Got a question for the podcast?Leave us a voice memo at 6468935903You can find this episode on:iTunes and Apple PodcastsSpotifyAndroidStitcher Get Master of Change, Do Hard Things, and The Practice of Groundedness on audible (Or in hard copy: Master of Change here Hard Things here and Groundedness here). Please write a review on Apple Podcasts and help new listeners discover the show! Find Brad, Steve, and Clay on Twitter: @Bstulberg, @stevemagness, and @clayskipper Check out our exclusive community offers on Patreon here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
One of the biggest myths of success is that at one point we will "arrive"- That we'll eventually reach a certain milestone after which we will have a sense of enduring happiness and contentment. In this we discuss everything Arrival Fallacy. What is it? Where does it come from? How do combat it?Join executive leadership & career coach Rikki Goldenberg, conscious leadership coach Justin Mulvaney, and licensed clinical psychologist turned creator coach Corey Wilks as we discuss all that and more.0:00 Cold Open1:30 Show Intro1:52 What is the Arrival Fallacy?2:54 Is Arrival / The Arrival Fallacy real or BS?3:55 Our experiences with the Arrival Fallacy13:12 Why “Arrival” is a Trap17:25 The Arrival Fallacy in Corey's outset into Content20:18 How the Arrival Fallacy shows up in Content Creators, Leaders, & Professionals36:00 The Arrival Fallacy as a result of our upbringing38:17 What do we do about the Arrival Fallacy?1:01:40 WrapupLearn more about the hosts:https://www.rikkigoldenberg.com/https://justinmulvaney.com/https://coreywilkspsyd.com/Intro Music Credit:http://www.aaronwaltersmusic.com/
For more details on this podcast visit: https://www.journeybeyondweightloss.com/blog/140 In this episode, we are breaking down the Arrival Fallacy, specifically in the context of weight loss. You'll discover what this intriguing phenomenon is and how it can impact your journey to a healthier you. But that's not all; we'll also provide you with valuable insights and strategies to help you overcome the Arrival Fallacy and maintain your hard-earned progress. Here's a sneak peek of what you can expect to learn:
Despite an audio hiccup (thank you for being patient!), the Girls chat about upcoming Madi's trip home, a well-traveled Etsy mug, and most importantly, the arrival fallacy and what it means in their lives.Follow us! @hyggegirlspodcast on Instagram & TikTokPersonal accounts: @madi_bares @emmaaroof @itsthehyggegirlsNEW every Monday!Interested in working together? hyggegirlspodcast@gmail.com We're always looking for guests + sponsors!*Produced by Hygge Girls™. All rights reserved.
You can also listen to this episode on Spotify!What gives you meaning and purpose? How do you measure success? What does it mean to be healthy? Suneel Gupta is helping people grapple with these essential questions. His new book, Everyday Dharma: The Timeless Art of Finding Joy in What You Do, is about reconciling what we do with who we are. Gupta describes our “dharma” as our calling—or what Gupta's grandfather called our “essence.” Gupta recognizes the central tension between outward markers of success and finding this internal sense of purpose. A successful entrepreneur and bestselling author, Gupta has also grappled with depression and self-doubt, fueled by the natural tendency to measure success with external metrics instead of asking ourselves the “Why?”On this episode of Beyond the Prescription, Gupta explores the harms of hyper-vigilance and the power of vulnerability. They discuss the “Arrival Fallacy,” the false assumption that once you reach a goal, you will experience enduring happiness. He shares parts of his own process of self-discovery that allowed him to pursue his inner purpose and help others do the same.Join Dr. McBride every other Monday for a new episode of Beyond the Prescription.You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on her Substack at https://lucymcbride.substack.com/podcast. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter at lucymcbride.substack.com/welcome.Please be sure to like, rate, and review the show!The transcript of the show is here![00:00:00] Dr. Lucy McBride: Hello, and welcome to my office. I'm Dr. Lucy McBride, and this is Beyond the Prescription, the show where I talk with my guests like I do my patients, pulling the curtain back on what it means to be healthy, redefining health as more than the absence of disease. As a primary care doctor, I've realized that patients are more than their cholesterol and their weight.[00:00:31] We are the integrated sum of complex parts. Our stories live in our bodies. I'm here to help people tell their story and for you to imagine and potentially get healthier from the inside out. You can subscribe to my free weekly newsletter at lucymcbride.substack.com and to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.[00:00:57] So let's get into it and go Beyond The Prescription. My guest today is the ever dynamic. Suneel Gupta, who's passionate about helping people achieve success in a healthy, sustainable way. Suneel is a beloved speaker, a visiting scholar at Harvard Medical School, and best selling author of two books. His new book is just out. It's called, Everyday Dharma: The Timeless Art of Finding Joy in What You Do. It's really a practical guide to finding your dharma, your inner calling, and learning to integrate ambition, work, and well being to create a balanced life. The book combines Suneel's own stories with history science, Eastern philosophy, and Western methods. Suneel, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today.[00:01:49] Suneel Gupta: Oh, Lucy, I'm so glad we were introduced and it's good to be here.[00:01:52] LM: So let's talk about Dharma. There's something about it that resonates with me as a physician who's in the constant quest tohelp patients pull the curtain back on their story. So what is Dharma?[00:02:04] SG: Yeah, I mean, I wrote this book really for the same reason. I think that we are experiencing an overwhelming sense of emptiness right now and society sort of speeding up. All right, we're using artificial intelligence, we're using automation to continue getting faster and more productive. But I think as individuals, we're kind of in a lot of ways moving in the opposite direction.[00:02:28] We are starting to feel like we are disassociating with our work, we are quietly quitting. And I think the result of all of it is that we are losing an emotional connection to what we do, which I think is a shame because we spend so much of our time either at a job or with the work that we do. [00:02:45] And to not feel that connection is, I think, I think it's devastating, right? It causes, I think, a lot of the symptoms that you talk about on this show. And so the reason that I wrote this book is because I wanted to to talk about how do we bring that emotional connection back to our work in a way that really feels real to us? And dharma is an age old philosophy really about that connection and one of the underpinnings of dharma is that while it may be tempting sometimes to try to find happiness and bliss outside of your work, there also is another path which is finding it through your work, right?[00:03:22] And Dharma is really the alignment of who you are and what you do, because when those two things are lined up, you feel creative, you feel energized. My grandfather called this your essence, right? And when you are expressing that essence, you're lit up, you're energized. But when you're not, you feel depleted, you feel burnt out.[00:03:43] And so I think the question for us is, how do we now start to come back to this essence, right? And it's something that's available to I think all of us. It's not the kind of thing that you get to luxuriate about when you've hit a certain level of status or wealth. I think it's it's available to every single one of us no matter where we are in our career the the challenge though is that most of us don't know what our Dharma is and even if we do understand to a certain degree, what our Dharma is, what our inner calling is, we don't necessarily feel like we have the time or the space or the money sometimes, or even the courage to pursue it. And I wanted to write this book because I wanted to go directly into those struggles. Not to write a book about what purpose is sitting behind a desk, but how do you take this thing that you feel that you need to express, right, it needs to speak, and how do you once and for all start to bring that into your everyday life?[00:04:39] LM: I love that I commonly talk with patients about this gap that exists in all of us between our best intentions and the execution of them. Meaning, like, we know we want to eat healthy. We want to exercise. We want to be more purposeful. We want to be more intentional. We want to put our phones down. We want to be happy and pursue things that are joyful, but there's that gap and the river is wide between the intentions and the execution. And you just said it, Suneel, sometimes the gap is filled with financial insecurity. Sometimes it's filled with logistical obstacles. Sometimes it's filled though, with fear and maybe even ambivalence, and then maybe even not knowing what your purpose is. So talk to me about how you might mind the gap. Those are my words, but how you kind of actualize and take control over your sort of sense of purpose and meaning.[00:05:37] SG: Yeah. So two different things that come together, right? Who I am and what I do, right? And I think the what I do is the execution. Who I am is really sort of getting into like, what it is I care about. Let's start with who I am because I think that's just a natural place where I think a lot of us, I think me, me included would skip over. And the reason I would skip it over is because I would look to what everybody else sort of had, right? I would look to people I saw with nice cars and nice homes and really nice sounding LinkedIn profiles and bios. And I'd say, let me go follow that. And what I found over time is that I was really walking somebody else's path, not my own.[00:06:12] And I think the work to sort of coming back to yourself and understanding what you want, it doesn't have to be something that you go on a huge meditation retreat. to do, right? I think it comes through starting to ask yourself certain questions. And in the book, I go through a list of sort of questions that really sort of helped me kind of get to this point.[00:06:31] I call these the chisels. And the reason I call these the chisels is because Michelangelo, when he would look at a block of marble, he would say the sculpture is already inside. All I have to do is chisel away the layers. I don't have to create something from the ground up. And I think dharma, or calling, is very much the same thing.[00:06:48] I bet that at some point in time, you have experienced your dharma. Like, you have lived up in a certain way. It may have been when you were a child. It may have been last week. It may be something that you're actively doing even at your job right now, but you're just not, you're not in tune with that.[00:07:03] You're not in touch with that. So what I think of one of the very first things that we can start to do is start to identify the bright spots, whether that be in a past role or in a current role, these moments that really made us come alive. I think the key here that I think that we sometimes miss, I know I did, was that when we think about things like purpose and dharma, we think about a job.[00:07:23] And so like in the book, for example, I tell the story of a woman named Mila, who really wanted to be a teacher. She was a project manager, but she really wanted to be a teacher, right? And she was frustrated because she couldn't, like, realistically, she had kids, her family relied on her health benefits, like the idea of leaving her job, going back and getting a teaching certificate was just not something that fit her practical life.[00:07:46] And she was frustrated by that. And I think a lot of people sort of find themselves in a similar position. But when she was able to peel back the layers and understand, well, what is it about teaching that I love, right? When I dig below the occupation and into the essence of teaching, what ultimately arrived for her was that she loved to help people grow.[00:08:05] And there was this emotional conversation she had with her mom, where her mom's like, Yeah, you've always loved helping people grow. Ever since you were a little kid, you were the kid who helped the kids on the other, on the block, like, learn how to ride bikes. It's the thing that's always been a part of you.[00:08:19] And once she sort of reconnected with that essence, all of a sudden, all these different ways of expressing that began to open up for her, right? Teaching was obviously one of them, but she could start to coach people at work. She could step into a lateral shift into HR and start growing people inside the company.[00:08:35] And all these options started to pop up for her. When that happens, Lucy, it's liberating because how many of us right now are like, Oh my God, like if I just took that other fork in the road in my career, then I would have ended in this job that would have been perfect for me right now. And I would be so much happier.[00:08:52] Well, the reality is that over 90% of us right now are looking for jobs, right? In 2023. Over 90% of us right now are looking for our next job, and what the data almost overwhelmingly shows is that we're going to jump to the next job, and within a few months, we're going to feel exactly the way we feel right now, right?[00:09:09] So I think with Dharma, with who I am, we're peeling underneath the occupation layer, and we're going into the essence layer. When you tap into that essence, you can start to figure out how to express that, and your world kind of opens up.[00:09:21] LM: It's amazing the way you describe it. I love the Michelangelo image, right? The block. And he says, I'm just repeating it back to you, but he says the sculpture is already there. It's just that you have to pull back the layers and that's exactly right. I think when people are able to do that, as you've described in your book.[00:09:40] LM: To me, that's the definition of health. I mean, health also includes having nice cholesterol levels, not having a heart attack, doing your cancer screenings, but health at its core is about awareness of our stories and how they live in our bodies, awareness of medical data, our own data, and the way our data is contextualized in the literature and then accepting the things we can't control, so other people, our genetic predisposition to breast cancer, and then finding agency where we can, because we can't control other people. We can't control certain genetic predispositions. We can't control the fact that we may be financially bound to stick with a job we're not fully actualized in, but people often have more control than they think.[00:10:28] And I think what you're saying, Suneel, is that part of the control and the agency we have, which is ultimately. To me, a part of definition of health is simply querying our own bodies and minds and asking ourselves, like, what is my passion? What am I here for? How do I feel when I'm doing something that gives me joy? And can I recreate that in other spheres of my life, whether it's at work or parenting and ultimately that feeds back onto our health. I mean… [00:10:55] SG: It does.[00:10:56] LM: During the pandemic, for example, I saw people every day who were experiencing physical manifestations of emotional distress. And some of it was burnout from caring, caregiving and parenting and living through a pandemic, just being a human.[00:11:08] But even now, I mean, people are wired and tired and they don't feel well. And so it's reassuring to me to hear someone like you talk about, to me, what is really the essence of health in your book. [00:11:24] SG: Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, who you may have crossed paths with at Harvard, really sort of, I think, Explains this nicely, which is like he has this phrase called the arrival fallacy and the arrival fallacy is basically this idea that like we're going to hit this moment where we've attained enough wealth, enough status in order to feel this lasting sense of joy on the inside.[00:11:47] And until then, we're willing to suffer. Until then, we're willing to sort of grit it out, grind it out, do whatever we need to do because we believe we're going to hit this moment where it's all going to have been worth it. And at some point in time, I think we all get wiser to this idea right? And I would argue that We're starting to realize that earlier in our lives. [00:12:05] I think Gen Z is asking difficult questions that older generations sometimes don't like because they're like we didn't ask those questions when we were your age, right? And they're, I think, very understandably saying, yeah, but you don't seem very happy. And we want to do things a little differently than you.[00:12:20] I mean, the country has gotten richer, we've become more productive, but we're also more lonely than ever before. Mental health issues have never been higher, right? We feel disconnected from one another. That's not necessarily sort of the train that I want to get on. And so to ask the difficult questions right now, and to your point, to be inside out about it, right, to peel back the layers, I think it's a very reasonable thing. And then the question I think becomes, well, then once I start to peel back those layers, how do I actually put it into practice, right? Because there's nothing more frustrating than understanding who you are, but showing up every day and feeling like you're walking in somebody else's path.[00:12:55] And what I try to do in the book is really get into those struggles again, like we may not feel like we have enough time. We may not feel like we have enough money. We may feel like we know exactly what it is, but we're scared of that. And so I wanted to tell like the everyday stories of people who were able to not necessarily even leave their jobs.[00:13:14] Like one of my favorite stories in the book is, is about a nurse who really wanted to be a writer. And her parents said, no, you can't be a writer. You're first of all, writing is not a profession. It's going to make money. You're not a, you're not a man, right? Like, and, and like, if you're a son, if you're a son, maybe, but like, as the daughter, no, you're not going to be a writer.[00:13:31] And so she got pushed into a different field and became an outstanding nurse. But one of the things that she realized is that she was able to bring her persona as a writer into her work of nursing. And one of the ways that she did that, it was through her patient paperwork. So, while most people like, try to get through, and you know this Lucy, try to get through the paperwork as quickly as possible, like put the clinical details in, she started to actually expand on those clinical details into like, who were these people?[00:13:56] What did they care about? Who do they love? What was their life like at home? What was their experience of being a human like? And she would start to pour her heart as a writer into these clinical patient forms to the point that like literally this paperwork was getting passed around the hospital like novels people loved reading it because it gave them a sense of purpose and what they were doing and so she was able to express this dharma as a writer through her occupation as a nurse and the point of it all is that oftentimes we think that in order to live our purpose we have to blow up our lives. We have to leave our jobs, right?[00:14:30] We have to move to a different place and become a painter or leave everything we have behind. Not true. And there's so many situations and stories in the book. We talk about sort of how Dharma doesn't have to be a separate path, but it can be a permutation of what you have right now. You don't have to leave everything behind. You can start to bring a new persona into where you are today.[00:14:49] LM: I love that Suneel, I think you're right that life happens in the mundane in a way, right? It's not in the big sort of huge moments. It's really in the everyday moments that sometimes we don't even know exist. It's just a tuning to the present. How did you get to be so wise? I mean, you're young and you talk a lot about burnout and failure.[00:15:12] I love that story you told about. You told your wife, I'm a failure and she's like, no, you're not a failure. And you're like, well, the New York Times says I'm a failure. And then you showed her the article about your talk about failure. And so like, what is your story? How did you get to the place where you are now writing and speaking and talking about these very soulful topics?[00:15:36] SG: Yeah, I mean, I think success is a lousy teacher, there's no doubt about that. It's wonderful, I'm not trying to downplay success, like, I think that I've had some success in my life and has been able to provide the sort of, I think, a life for my family, it's allowed me to sort of take care of my kids, and I'm very thankful for that.[00:15:54] And yet, if I look back at sort of where the learning really came, where the growth really came, it didn't come from success, it came from setbacks, it came from mistakes. It came from change when I coach sort of organizations and leaders today, and I asked them, what was the most important part of your career, right? Most important year of your career. Very rarely do they say like it was the winning year when I had the most profit or it was when I earned the biggest salary. Most of the time it's like something big happened, it was a big change and usually that change isn't positive. It's like it was something that got knocked back on their ass and they had to sort of learn and that changed everything for them.[00:16:32] But that was really meaningful. And I think I've had no shortage of I think those moments where I felt like I wanted something really badly and I put myself out there and it didn't happen. I think the learning for me, though, sort of came from sitting down and writing about that. Right? So, I think, if I'm being honest, like, I started writing because I was depressed.[00:16:55] I was feeling anxious. And I realized that I was dumping a lot of that on my wife. I was spending a lot of time talking to her about that, and I realized, and as, like, loving as, like, Lena is, I realized it was unfair for her. She was always listening, but it was unfair to just, like, almost, like, vomit my trauma on her.[00:17:13] And so I started to use the page, right? Literally sit down at my desk every morning and I started to write about these things that I felt like I was struggling with and searching for answers to that would do it every morning because the page always listened, no matter what it just listened. And I'd say 99% of what I've written in my life has ended up in like a trash bin, nut there were some pearls there were some little pearls that was able to string together along the way and eventually those pearls started becoming blog posts that became published articles. Eventually they became books and that's just kind of the thing like I think if you look hard enough There are these poor these pearls of wisdom.[00:17:55] I talk about this a lot in the book is like I think I was following sort of an outlook of resilience before right and now I feel like I'm following an outlook of growth and the difference between the two is that like with resilience, there can be a tendency sometimes to just like want to get back up right like pull yourself up by the bootstrap, let's get back up. But I think growth is getting back up, but also taking some time to understand. What did I learn. If my kid was in a similar situation? Well, how would I sort of help coach them through a situation like this? What would they learn from my mistakes? Taking such a taken like a reflective view on that.[00:18:35] Even just spending some time moments, right, to write about it, to learn about it, even if it's just for your benefit. Nothing you're gonna publish, but just something that you're gonna reflect on yourself I think can be the difference between cycling through the same mistake over and over again, and I think actually using a setback to create genuine.[00:18:56] LM: I love that. I have a comment and then a question. The comment is about the writing. Like you, I find writing to be very therapeutic. I find that I can really crystallize a lot of my thoughts. I mean, writing ultimately is about thinking. And when you're putting things on the page, it's clarifying to oneself about how you're thinking.[00:19:17] It also can disarm some sort of scary thoughts. I have found, like, when I've had depression symptoms or I've been anxious, when I journaled, I was a journaler from a young age. Just intuitively, I knew to write. When you look at the words, A day or two later, you realize that with time and with perspective, they're not so terrifying.[00:19:37] And so, I too find writing really therapeutic and I recommend it commonly to patients who are experiencing depression or anxiety or trauma as an adjunct to other sort of treatment modalities, but certainly kind of writing down our thoughts can help disarm them.[00:19:52] SG: Yeah. One of my favorite techniques is to write what I call sort of the if true, then pattern.[00:19:58] LM: Tell me about that.[00:19:59] SG: going a little bit deeper into the fear can be a really illuminating thing. So if I'm scared that I'm going to blow a presentation, right, I'll write that down. Like that's the thought inside my head, you're going to blow this presentation.[00:20:12] And then I kind of talk with the fear. I say, okay, let's pretend that happens. If true, then what? And then it's, you're not going to get the deal or you're not going to get the, you're not going to get the job or whatever it is. Right. And they say, if that's true, then what? Well, then you're, you're not going to have this role that you wanted.[00:20:27] If that's true, then what? Well, then you're going to blow up your career. And if that's true, then what? And I continue to just sort of go deeper down. And when it starts to make me realize is that underneath this surface level fear, all these sort of deep seated concerns that almost in all probability will not come to happen, but the other thing is that at the very bottom of that list Right when I really dig down to the root of it It always ends with something like well your wife is no longer going to love you, your kids are no longer gonna love you, right?[00:20:59] And I think to myself Wow, that's the deepest root of my fear and I actually have more control over that right now Then I do whether I get this presentation done like I can go give my kids a hug I can go tell my wife I love her. I can do that right now. What happens inside that presentation, I don't know. But I know the deepest fear, I can deal with right now.[00:21:21] LM: It's such a powerful point, Suneel, because I think all of us have at our core, the fear of not being loved or being worthy. Like shame and feeling excluded or not loved are like the deepest fears. And I think a lot of those fears come up in our childhood naturally, right? Like I think of life as this set of experiences and we're like a blank canvas when we're born and then you experience loss and challenge and hardship and dings on your self esteem.[00:21:57] And then we create this sort of network of connections in our minds. In fact, we call it the default mode network. It's a set of neural pathways in the front of our brains that basically are derived from a lot of pattern recognition so that we don't reinvent the wheel every time we come across a new scenario, right? Like, we lose that wonder and curiosity of childhood.[00:22:20] But we also gain some street smarts, but the downside of that default mode network in the front of our brains is that we can start to make assumptions about things and make connections and thought and behavioral patterns that actually aren't serving us at the time. In other words, you can have an experience as a child where you were terrified and felt vulnerable.[00:22:41] Maybe you weren't picked for the team or something. And then you wrote a story in your mind about why. And then the next time something happens to you that's like that, even in your adulthood, you might then go back to that sort of I'm not worthy narrative. So, this is a long way of asking you, about your childhood.[00:22:59] And now we're going to do like go deep here. Like, I love that pinned tweet on your Twitter feed. I guess it's called X now, about your mom. And I'm like, okay, there's a story there. First of all, her story and then your story of her being your mother. Someone says to her, “go back to your country.” And she says, this is my country.[00:23:17] And then I think the man says, get out of my kitchen. She says, this is my kitchen. And then there she is in all of her glory on time magazine, telling her story. Tell me about like growing up in your family. What was her story? How did that affect your story? And then your telling of it to yourself and then the experience of fear and vulnerability, like you just described,[00:23:37] SG: So, mom grew up on the border of India and Pakistan, right? When it was all one big country, when it was India. When the country split, during partition, was one of the bloodiest conflicts that humanity has ever known and she was part of that. She was in, she was right in the mix of it and their family fled.[00:23:56] She ended up in a refugee camp as a kid, very little running water, no electricity, but she decided that she was going to teach herself how to read. And she felt like that was going to be sort of her path out of poverty. And so she did. And she knew she had enough foresight even back then to know that like English was sort of the language that she would have to learn if she wanted to get herself to the United States because that was her dream. And so she started reading and the first book that she read from cover to cover was a story about Ford Motor Company because Ford Motor Company was literally the Google of its day.[00:24:30] The big, it was the big company. Everybody knew about it, right? If you were rich and you were driving sort of a Ford car, even around sort of certain parts of India and she would see that and that's what she wanted. And she wanted to be an engineer, as well, and she set her heart on that, and it was a very unlikely dream because people from her country, especially women, that period of time were destined for the kitchen, right?[00:24:53] And I mean, the best case scenario for her as told to her by some of the other people in her village was Find a rich man, find a wealthier man, somebody who isn't in poverty, and that's your path out. She wanted more, like she wanted to express herself. And so she studied hard and people got behind her, her parents got behind her, they saved every rupee that they had.[00:25:13] She was able to get on a boat to eventually the United States. She got a scholarship to Oklahoma State University. The day after she graduates, she finds herself to Detroit, Michigan. She applies for her dream job. There's a lot there. There's another story there. But she gets it. And in 1967, the reason Time Magazine wrote about her is because she became Ford Motor Company's first female engineer.[00:25:34] Ford Motor Company had thousands of engineers on staff at that point in time. Not a single one of them was a woman. And so here she is, this woman who tends to dress in saris, and she cooks and eats mainly Indian food back at home, and she is now amongst this, like, sea of mainly white men who are doing this job, and she finds a way to sort of fit in, or I shouldn't even say finds a way to fit in, she finds a way to be herself in a very different environment.[00:25:58] And, and I think that for me as a kid growing up in almost the opposite situation. I'm an Indian kid now growing up in America. I live in suburban Michigan. Everything is compared to my mom. We lived in a pretty, we lived in a three bedroom house, but like it was a night and day difference from the conditions that she grew up in.[00:26:17] It was the equivalent of a silver spoon in my mouth and the fact that I could eat every single night. I think that for me, what. I've learned about my mom and what I've learned about, I think other leaders who I spend time studying and I think admiring who have done difficult things is I think that the thing that holds a lot of us back are the words, “I'm not ready.”[00:26:40] Right? Like, I'm not ready to, to run with that thing. I'm not ready to step into that role. I'm not ready to speak my mind. I'm not ready. And I think the confusion sometimes is in believing that the people who did difficult things, my mom included, is that they were somehow ready to do what they did, but they weren't, right?[00:27:01] I call this the game of now, in my book, versus the game of someday, right? The game of someday is you wait for courage. You summon up enough courage, and once you actually have enough courage, you take action. And I think that's the way that most of us behave. There is another game, and that's the game of now, which is that instead of waiting for courage in order to take action, you just take action, and you let courage catch up along the way.[00:27:27] And I think the thing that I've learned is that it almost always does. If you just say like I'm gonna go do that thing courage will come even begrudgingly courage will be like, okay. I'm with you, right? That's the thing I learned about her story is that it wasn't the story of a little girl in a refugee camp who said f*ck it all I'm gonna go do this thing. It was more a story of a scared person who said I want this really badly and I'm scared And I'm going to do it anyway.[00:27:58] LM: that is a huge lesson. And I wonder how she expressed that. I mean, you told me in so many words, but like. Did she talk about like the lack of courage? Did she talk about her fear and just doing it despite having the courage or did she just model it? Was it the kind of thing you talked about as a kid?[00:28:17] SG: Not as a kid, no. I think as a kid, I had very surface level conversations with my mom. I marveled at her story, I marveled at who she was, but I didn't really dig into the how. If there's anything that I felt as a kid, I felt like kind of almost insecure because here was a parent and I have a brother who's done amazing things as well and my father's an immigrant too.[00:28:40] And so I sort of, I felt like I kind of came from this really brave family and I felt insecure because I actually didn't feel all that brave. I just didn't. And, and that made me feel bad because it was just, I felt like, wow, like, gosh, I'm surrounded by all these incredibly courageous people and I'm not one of them.[00:28:58] But. I began to realize over time, more from the stories that I would dig into, more from hearing about what it was like at Oklahoma State University when she was sitting in her dorm alone, right? What was that sort of like for her because she didn't eat meat and she couldn't go to the cafeteria because she was a vegetarian?[00:29:17] What was that like for her? And I think when you dig into people's stories and you get beyond this happened and this happened and you just simply start to ask the question of like, what was that like for you? And that's when you start to get insights, but I didn't start asking those questions until I was a teenager or maybe even in college when I would come home and have conversations with her.[00:29:35] And the thing about it, Lucy is like, I love that question now. Like I host a documentary series where I travel around the world and I meet with all these leaders who've done crazy things. And I almost always dig into less of what they did, but what were they feeling in those moments along the way?[00:29:54] LM: It's the essence of who people are. Right? Suneel, I can't thank you enough for joining me on the podcast. You are such a bright light and I can't wait to share your book more widely and to reread it. And I just thank you so much for your pearls of wisdom and for acknowledging that you're a work in progress too. [00:30:13] I think that we're never done. We're never done in the process of self discovery and then bringing our best selves to our relationships, to our work. And so I appreciate the humility that you offer as well. So thank you.[00:30:26] SG: Thanks, Lucy. It's so good to be here.[00:30:35] LM: Thank you all for listening to Beyond the Prescription. Please don't forget to subscribe, like, download, and share the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you catch your podcasts. I'd be thrilled if you liked this episode to rate and review it, and if you have a comment or question, please drop us a line at info@lucymcbride.com. The views expressed on this show are entirely my own and do not constitute medical advice for individuals. That should be obtained from your personal physician. Get full access to Are You Okay? at lucymcbride.substack.com/subscribe
The arrival fallacy is a concept that's very prevalent in medicine. Coined by Tal Ben-Shahar, it refers to the illusion of happiness that we think we'll experience when we arrive at a completed goal or achievement (spoiler: it doesn't work like that). In medicine in particular, this is reinforced with lots of delayed gratification and long training periods with limited free time and low pay. We think that finally achieving the next level (whether it's residency, fellowship, or attending, receiving a bonus, a raise, etc.) will instantly make our lives better, because we'll have more money and more control over our schedule. We constantly look for “the light at the end of the tunnel” to get ourselves through years of grueling assignments and shifts. But a lot of the time we reach these specific benchmarks – or, we “arrive” – and it's not at all how we thought it would be. Gertrude Stein was right when she said, “There's no there, there.” How does the arrival fallacy come into play when we reach attending status and start pulling in a whole new pay grade? Let's examine that… Looking for a comprehensive financial platform for doctors, by doctors that will help you to secure your financial future? Make sure to check out HelloAttend.com
If you find that you never actually let yourself enjoy the success you've created, you have likely fallen prey to a term called arrival fallacy. It's a cycle of belief that can be challenging to opt out of, but the good news is we can learn to work with its presence, and I'm showing you how this week. Discover how arrival fallacy often shows up for interior design business owners and why we continue to participate in it, even when we know it doesn't serve us. Hear what happens when you acknowledge the existence of arrival fallacy in your goal-setting process, and my tips for beginning to work with it, rather than against it. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.desicreswell.com/46
Let's dive into some psychoanalysis and "get heady" with our good friend Lacan. Josh offers a new angle on the ravel metaphor by introducing us to the "quilting point", all leading to the question: how do we avoid the Arrival Fallacy? Be sure to play along and tap through the links here in the show notes!Mentioned in the episode: What Is The Quilting Point? Article (with referenced photo of red couch) The Son of Man painted by Rene Magritte Quilting Point Youtube video Lacan's Concept of the Phallus 152. The Gang Writes A Creed Ravel Episode Support us: Join our Patreon community and buy us a drink at patreon.com/ravelpod for as little as $3/mo! Submit a voicemail by calling 601-55RAVEL (601-557-2835) or submit a voice memo to the inbox at theravelpod@gmail.com! Take a minute to drop us a 5-star rating and a 1-2 sentence review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify! Follow on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok at @ravelpod! Credits: Theme Song: In Full Color by Louie Zong on Spotify and Bandcamp Artwork: Yarn and Ravel by Dixie Lee Henning @dixieleedraws Editing/Sound Design by Stephen Henning Social Media by Josh Lieuallen Certified Organic benediction by Reverend Emily Rettinghouse, MDiv ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Do your achievements feel hollow? Success not as satisfying as it used to be? You've worked tirelessly to achieve your goals, convinced that reaching them would bring you happiness. But once you get there...the joy is fleeting and you're left wondering "Is this it?" Welcome to the world of arrival fallacy, a perfectionism trap that convinces us overachievers to tie our self-worth to external milestones and go on a miserable never-ending chase of enough. Inside this episode is the solution: Uncovering what's motivating you and that satisfaction is not a box to be checked off.If you want to feel as excellent as your life looks, you gotta check out my 1-1 coaching for perfectionists, The AcceleratorWhen you join The Accelerator, you'll get instant access to rich resource library of neuroscience-backed tools designed to help you triple your progress in half the time, leverage your strengths and create confidence that's bigger than Dolly Parton's hair with on-demand masterclasses, private podcasts, journaling exercises, playbooks, meditations and more!Plus, with concierge text coaching and one-on-one private sessions, you'll never feel alone in your extraordinary pursuit of excellence.Join The Accelerator today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/accelerator Inside This Episode You'll Discover:00:00:00-Introduction and The Perfectionist's Guide00:01:10-The Growth of Change vs. Allowing00:01:59-CLG's Journey 00:03:20-The Fear Factor00:04:05-The Danger Zone00:05:09- Phantom Promise of Moving the Goalposts00:06:34-The Unconscious Motivation00:08:01-Arrival Fallacy Examples00:09:10-The Power of Awareness00:10:11-Perfectionism Trap00:11:22-Cracking the Code To Perfectionism00:12:19-The Change of Allowing00:14:09-Self Awareness00:15:01-Why You Deserve Better Professional Fulfillment
“Arrival fallacy” is the dissatisfaction people often feel after attaining a goal. In this faith-building message, Ps. Jon gives keys on how to avoid spiritual arrival fallacy in the process of going after everything God has for us.
Do you struggle to enjoy the journey? Are you telling yourself that you can't feel safe and secure until your debt is paid off? Do you believe that you will finally have financial status when you're making six figures? Are you someone who is delegating your happiness and purpose to the achievement of a future goal or until the acquisition of a certain item? If so, you could be falling victim to the arrival fallacy, which is the false assumption that once we reach a goal or milestone we will experience lasting happiness and fulfillment. In this week's episode of The Money Love Podcast, we are diving deep into the arrival fallacy. We are breaking down what it is, how it rears its ugly head within our finances, why our human brains fall victim to it, and also Paige will be sharing her five best tips to help you enjoy the journey, rather than being focused on the destination. I can guarantee this is something that you've done in the past (or are even doing now with a current goal) and this episode will be a needed reminder that happiness is available to you now. Enjoy! START HERE: FREE MASTERCLASS: Why You Impulse Shop & How To Stop Get Paige's Money Recommendations Work with Paige: Join Overcoming Overspending HERE Explore Private Coaching with Paige Where you can find Paige online: Website: https://www.paigepritchard.com IG & TikTok: @overcoming_overspending Subscribe to the YouTube Channel
Ben-Shahar says that often people who experience the arrival fallacy start off unhappy, and reach for a goal that is supposed to cure their sadness. When they find that success doesn't fix their unhappiness, not only are they disappointed, but may end up feeling hopeless and depressed. Often, the arrival fallacy only makes unhappiness and mental states worse.RESOURCES: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-arrival-fallacy-6561079https://sketchyideas.co/arrival-fallacy/WATCH: www.youtube.com/juliemericaGET A MONTHLY NOTE FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comBUY SOME MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/make-your-damn-bed-podcast?ref_id=27657TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastThis show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at www.betterhelp.com/makeyourbed The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We talk about why we observe the birthday of our spiritual teachers, discuss the challenge of the “arrival fallacy,” share a hack about creating more kitchen counter space, and tackle a listener question about being a happiness bully. Get in touch: @gretchenrubin; @elizabethcraft; podcast@gretchenrubin.com Get in touch on Instagram: @GretchenRubin & @LizCraft Get the podcast show notes by email every week here: http://gretchenrubin.com/#newsletter Get the resources and all links related to this episode here: http://happiercast.com/396 Leave a voicemail message on: 774-277-9336 For information about advertisers and promo codes, go to happiercast.com/sponsors Want to be happier in 2022? Order Gretchen Rubin's book The Happiness Project to see how she approached the question, “How can I be happier?” and start a Happiness Project of your own. Happier with Gretchen Rubin is part of ‘The Onward Project,' a family of podcasts brought together by Gretchen Rubin—all about how to make your life better. Check out the other Onward Project podcasts—Do The Thing, Side Hustle School, Happier in Hollywood and Everything Happens with Kate Bowler. If you liked this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and tell your friends! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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