Podcasts about abolishment

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Best podcasts about abolishment

Latest podcast episodes about abolishment

Walk Talks With Matt McMillen
Are Christians Required to Follow the Commandments in the Law? (1-19-25)

Walk Talks With Matt McMillen

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 19, 2025 57:06


Topics: 613 commandments in the Law, Significance of 10 Commandments, Indivisibility of the Law, Role of Holy Spirit Before the Law, Historical Context of Jews and the Law, Formation of 12 Tribes of Israel, Covenant Between God and Israel, Ratification of Old Covenant Through Blood, Flaws in the Old Covenant Agreement, Purpose of Old Testament Law, Jeremiah's Prophecy of New Covenant, Jesus' Descent From Tribe of Judah, New Covenant Through Jesus, Difference Between Old and New Covenants, Role of Gentiles in the New Covenant, Requirements of the Law vs. Faith, Paul's Teaching on Righteousness (2 Corinthians 5, Romans 6), Romans 6:14 and Living Under Grace, Grace vs. Law in Christian Morality, Jesus' fulfillment of the Law, Meaning of "It is finished" on the Cross (John 19:30), Colossians 2:16 and Freedom From the Law, Symbolism of the Law as a Shadow, Reality and Substance of Christ, Significance of Transfiguration, God's Command to Listen to Jesus, Hebrews 1 on God Speaking through His Son, The Spirit's Ministry after Pentecost, Redemption of Jews from Law, Necessity of Jesus Being Born Under the Law, Understanding Morality Through the Spirit, Insufficiency of Human Effort for Righteousness, Paul's warning Against Teachers of the Law (1 Timothy 1:7), 36. Abolishment of the Law at the Cross, Ephesians 2:15 Abolishment of Law, Colossians 2:14 Law's cancellation, Significance of 3,000 deaths at Mount Sinai, Salvation of 3,000 at Pentecost, Law's Purpose to Increase Sin and Highlight Grace, Inability to Cherry-Pick Commandments Law, Role of Law in Revealing Human Imperfection, Grace as Teacher of Holiness (Titus 2:11-12), Symbolism of Law and Prophets Disappearing, Lasting impact of Jesus' Fulfillment of the Law, Freedom of Christians From Law's Obligations, Contrast between Righteousness through Law and Grace, Permanence of Holy Spirit in BelieversSend Matt a text about this episode!Support the showSign up for Matt's free daily devotional! https://mattmcmillen.com/newsletter

A Mediocre Time with Tom and Dan
804 - New Year Wifecast

A Mediocre Time with Tom and Dan

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 3, 2025 122:46


Starting the new year with health improvements via hormone testing with Dr. Powers. Exploring benefits of hormone and peptide therapy, with Andrea and Crystal's experiences. Free consultations and nutritional coaching at myeternalvitality.com. Nostalgia for a Dr. Pepper holiday ad and intro to a holiday-themed show. Story about UPS drivers and curiosity about a driver's house. Reflections on relationships, distractions, and chirping while finishing a book. Humorous musings on Dansby's behavior and yelling "boring" at football. Observations on familial storytelling habits and unconscious information absorption. Joke about flight landing updates being unnecessary due to news coverage. Anecdote on sun damage from Crystal's car sickness and reflections on infidelity fears. "10% Rule" and how small changes impact life or business. Differences between Tom and Dan complementing podcast dynamics. Bird noises disrupting work and coping with noise distractions. Breakup story stemming from relationship inferiority and humorous musings on body size. Justin Timberlake's controversies and generational music preferences. Christmas traditions, advent calendars, and reflections on holiday changes. Nostalgia for past Orlando nightlife, including Cyber Zone and Club Juana. Drinking habits then vs. now and forced work holiday events. Stories about Crystal's career shifts, gravedigger jumps, and biker bar connections. Recollections of odd workplace dynamics, like crackheads driving moving trucks. Crow throwing a hot dog and comparing Crystal to The Office characters. Holiday party antics, Clear Channel nostalgia, and workplace chaos. Daniel's approachable nature and commentary on TV dramas like Yellowstone. Humor about intimacy dynamics and costumes like Handmaid's Tale outfits. Medical marijuana's benefits, BudDocs.org promotions, and changing habits. Absurd youthful dreams vs. adult practicality and consistent personality traits. Post-children plans, travel challenges, and adapting to new conditions. Tom's small drone purchase causing family anxiety. Maisie's belief in Santa and reflections on keeping the magic alive. Cigarette cravings, childhood smoking memories, and nicotine pouches. Listener voicemail about unregistered vehicle driving and procrastination stories. Abolishment of Florida vehicle emissions testing and Jeb Bush's cost-saving measures. Hitchhiker anecdotes and the potential dangers of helping strangers. Wild travel stories involving trust and risky situations. Humor about blending daily routines with absurd fantasies. Lighthearted jokes and wrapping up the conversation. ### **Social Media:**   [Website](https://tomanddan.com/) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive) | [Facebook](https://facebook.com/amediocretime) | [Instagram](https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive) **Where to Find the Show:**   [Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682) | [Google Podcasts](https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw) | [TuneIn](https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Mediocre-Time-p364156/) **The Tom & Dan Radio Show on Real Radio 104.1:**   [Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990) | [Google Podcasts](https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s) | [TuneIn](https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Corporate-Time-p1038501/) **Exclusive Content:** [Join BDM](https://tomanddan.com/registration)   **Merch:** [Shop Tom & Dan](https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/)

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 314 - The Truth About DOGE

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 7, 2024 21:28


In this episode, I describe the mandate given by President-elect Trump to the newly created Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) and offer a few suggestions of my own. Show Notes Twitter | Rumble | BitChute | Instagram | Truth Social | Spotify | GETTR | GAB | Apple -------------------------------- The Social Security Scam What to Expect from DOGE DOGE Seeks to Succeed Where Others Have Failed Truth Quest Podcast: Episode #275 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Education Episode #280 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Energy Episode #285 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the USDA Episode #289 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the EPA Episode #295 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Health and Human Services Quick Rant – What is NOT in the Constitution Quick Rant - The Unconstitutionality of Federal Disaster Relief -------------------------------- Support the podcast by shopping at the Truth Quest Shirt Factory. Grab your "Make Government Limited Again" shirt inspired by this episode. With each shirt design there is an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate. 

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 310 – A Modern-Day Conversation with the Founding Fathers

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 31, 2024 12:34


Imagine having a conversation today with some of the Founding Fathers. How do you think they would react to the current state of the federal government? In this episode, I attempt to examine this sleazy, corrupt, behemoth institution through the eyes of Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison. Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Apple |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- Truth Quest Podcast: Episode #3 – The Truth About the Constitution - Where in the Constitution? Episode #198 – The Truth About What is NOT in the Constitution Episode #300 – The Truth About the Supreme Court-Endorsed Take Down of the First Amendment Episode #308 – The Truth About Free Speech in America Episode #295 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Health and Human Services Episode #289 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Environmental Protection Agency Episode #285 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the USDA Episode #280 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Energy Episode #275 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Education -------------------------------- Support the podcast by shopping at the Truth Quest Shirt Factory. With each shirt design there is an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  -------------------------------- Join the conversation at The Truth Quest Facebook Fan Page Order a copy of one of my books, Pritical Thinking, The Proverbs Project, The Termite Effect.

The Truth Quest Podcast
QUICK RANT - The Unconstitutionality of Federal Disaster Relief

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 1, 2024 10:34


Given the devastation of Western North Carolina and Southeastern Tennessee in the wake of Hurricane Helene, I realize that the timing of this episode might appear insensitive. I assure you that is not the intent. It just offers an opportunity to continue the discussion of the perpetual bastardization of the constitutional republic bequeathed to us by the Founding Fathers. Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Apple |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- Truth Quest Podcast Episode 275 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Education Episode 280 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Energy Episode 285 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the USDA Episode 289 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Environmental Protection Agency Episode 231 - The Truth About the General Welfare Clause Episode 198 - The Truth About What is NOT in the Constitution -------------------------------- Support the podcast by shopping at the Truth Quest Shirt Factory. With each shirt design there is an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  Good luck! And thanks for supporting the Truth Quest Podcast! -------------------------------- Join the conversation at The Truth Quest Facebook Fan Page Order a copy of one of my books, Pritical Thinking, The Proverbs Project, The Termite Effect. The Truth Quest Podcast Patron Page  

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 304 - The Truth About the Poisoning of America

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2024 26:34


Prior to the federal government's collusive and totalitarian behavior during the Covid fiasco, I didn't give much thought to the physical danger the government posed to us.  As I followed Robert Kennedy, Jr. during his presidential run, my eyes were opened further but it wasn't until I listened to Tucker Carlson's interview with Casey and Calley Means that I finally put all of the puzzle pieces together. In this episode, I summarize that two-hour interview which is, by far, the most consequential interview this year! The information shared has the potential to change your life and alter your eating and healthcare habits forever! Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Apple |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- Tucker Carlson's Interview with Casey and Calley Means Truth Quest Podcast: Episode 179 - The Truth About Anthony Fauci the Corrupt One Trick Pony Episode 285 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the USDA Episode 295 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Health and Human Services -------------------------------- Support the podcast by shopping at the Truth Quest Shirt Factory. With each shirt design there is an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  Good luck! And thanks for supporting the Truth Quest Podcast! -------------------------------- Join the conversation at The Truth Quest Facebook Fan Page Order a copy of one of my books, Pritical Thinking, The Proverbs Project, The Termite Effect. The Truth Quest Podcast Patron Page

Hudson Mohawk Magazine
Friends of the Mahicantuk React to Abolishment of Planning Commission

Hudson Mohawk Magazine

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 10, 2024 10:11


Mark Dunlea previously interviewed Troy Council member Sue Steele and Troy Mayor Carmella Mantello about the abolishment of the Troy Planning Commission. In this interview we'll hear about the project at 1011 2nd Ave in Troy and its connection to the Troy Planning Commission, which was currently reviewing the plans. Jess Bennett of Friends of the Mahicantuk spoke with Sina Basila Hickey for Hudson Mohawk Magazine.

Drive With Tom Elliott
What will the abolishment of the Melbourne seat of Higgins mean (and why it's left one expert surprised)

Drive With Tom Elliott

Play Episode Listen Later May 31, 2024 4:54


The Australian Electoral Commission has announced the electoral seat of Higgins will be abolished at the next election, with Western Australia to gain a seat in Perth's outer east.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 295 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Health and Human Services

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later May 25, 2024 20:34


The Department of Health and Human Services is an unconstitutional federal agency. Congress should abolish and defund it today! Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- HHS.gov Truth Quest Podcast Episode #289 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Environmental Protection Agency Episode #285 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the USDA Episode #280 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Energy Episode #275 - The Truth Abolishment of the Department of Education  -------------------------------- Support the podcast by shopping at the Truth Quest Shirt Factory. With each shirt design there will be an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will further deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. Don't worry! You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  Good luck! And thanks for supporting the Truth Quest Podcast! -------------------------------- Join the conversation at The Truth Quest Facebook Fan Page Order a copy of one of my books, Pritical Thinking, The Proverbs Project, The Termite Effect. The Truth Quest Podcast Patron Page

The Infinite Skrillifiles: OWSLA Confidential
[CC's Lament] From {Enter The Multiverse: Legends} Soundtrack

The Infinite Skrillifiles: OWSLA Confidential

Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2024 3:21


I been telepathically programming bitches To mimick this addictive obsession with [Expletive] If anything just to hop up on his dicks in Get his attention And end his Ahem Apparently awful//awesome marriage edits in multidimensions, for the unmentionable shit that might just hit too close to home, for some What Be a parent to your son, They said I said, Hey, man I'm just a dear old dad with bad habits It's a trap, you know! You can't trust us bitches I took pictures of this bitches ass To put on top of the dead presidents Hell yes, I said Get dressed man, It isn't hygienic, All that shit we just did, Remember? I live in a trash can! (It's a dumpster but) [IT's actually really nice in here, what the fuck] Damn, alright what is that Idk #RIPJImmyFallon I was fasting like a maniac when that hashtag happened You just can't come back from that, You just can't ever Get back to the dad joke The man told. That pulled you out of that last fast, Like I did From that man whole! FLAGPOLE FLAGPOLE —what? OHFD. *OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. -The Rock And The Kite As told by Who's that guy Uh. TESTPILOT. I need some sages And stages And sages in this bitch! I need some Pages and Playlists and Paiges in this bitch It just goes On an on for days, This just gets crazy in this bitch Can't say Expletives because peacock is paying for this bitch! Nevermind, Lets just do Netflix? Pass. Amazon Prime? This costs too much for us I'll do this : every dime I own, Will go straight up your but I Is that an innuendo for ‘anal.plug' No, don't be gross! But I'm supposed to be gross (Going back and forth with Alec Baldwin) You win. Win WHAT You're the best. All your brothers are the off-awkward versions of you. *YES*. 30+ Rock ID please. Here you go. Sorry. No go. What do you mean. We're 21. I'm actually 23, but. No can do. This lounge is 30 Plus 30 PLUS? WHATTHEPLUG. Yup. Sorry kiddos. I'mfilthyDRUNK. I'm an ADULT. Pfft. That's what you think. Are you serious!? Serious as a heart attack; which, I'm at higher risk of actually having, Because I'm allowed in here. So Consider yourself lucky! PSH! I could have a heart attack if I want to! PSHH. PSHHHHHHHH. Hold your liquor, punk! I'll hold you—all night long!I —see you in like a decade! PSSSHSHUTUP. Shh. C'mon, lets go. Apparently, though According to some voice inside, He's miserable I call it insertinct* Or psychic inclinations, But perhaps that just my Hormonal fluctuations And high hopes to open up a portal And jump into some Seriously self deprecating behavior, Or some other alien shit Who the fuck can say, anyway You can't say any of these things publicly -1And actually expect to get away with them. You're just an asshole, That's a whole ass scandal waiting to happen I'll just light a candle and pray about it “God will work it out,” I said I'll just keep working out Avoiding bread, and figure out how to get out of debt Maybe crowdfunding? Somebody wake him up, yet? Nope, nothin. Mm. Poptarts. That's why I called it “The Allegory of [Redacted]” after all He's practically infinite except for That part And-1 That's that nigga! Are you sure. Fuck yeah, JIMMY FALLOn(s) Fuck you, dude. SUNNI BLU (shrugging) Whatever. All they played was Fallon in the pen, bro. Really? YeahYeah. And Sesame Street. And he even on THAT mo'fucker. Aight.Aight. you want ‘em. I got ‘em. Straight shot? Straight and clean. Aight, then. Well, alright then. [JIMMY FALLON is shot in a driveby.] “First Person Shooter” First person shooter is a live action open world game where. {BLAT} OH NO. AHAHA. Wait. The guns are REAL? The whole world's in slow motion. Nobody's supposed to know this kind of stuff, you know— Nobody's supposed to go there –I hope she doesn't post or publish this anywhere. Sure, that's what they all say, But hey, you could never love me anyway I'm on my way up I'm on my way up to Heaven Fuck this It's just this shit Over and over again All for the sake of the artform, All of up in arms, No comfort non conformist, With no money and no hopes left, Just a bunch of Too much, conscious And time on her hands Shes got One hand on the gun Underworld The other on the Trigger Which means Each hand has a gun in it Gun in it Gun in it EXT. MEXICO. DAY [Crying inconsolably in a hammock] COSMIC AVENGER (as a bird) I WILL AVENGE THIS!!!!! Man, I miss that bird, I wonder if he ever sings “I miss that girl” Gosh, he followed me everywhere I loved to hear him there, Even when I moved, He found me Must have been God in that bird Must have been God on that mountain talking some shit about Jimmy Fallon –That was a long fast. (The fucking longest) My veins, they ached At least a week, I think Some haloed being, Urging me to urgently just spill the blood for sweet relief, Wavering, I needed something Soothing, pleading Leaning in my weakness Back and forth , And that was when The fascination displayed With affection the affliction of infliction and in reflection of James turned Patrick Her turned to the successor He returned up to the surface The servitor became the alter After all and only in ever after The Procter, A doctor astonished him In neverland, somewhere beyond Asension Where the story starts and ends, Here. Oh man. This Jimmy Fallon dude is gonna fucking hate me Who is that again? I don't fucking know, honestly. Hello, John. Woah. Don't open this box. Okay. woah , this just came in crystal clear.. [A young and disheveld looking, tired young man turns on the television; Some sort of special, hosted by a popular commedienne and actress sparks his interest almost magnetically, and even seems to call to him.] Why, Hello, Jim. I'm–I'm Jim. Well, you're James. I am James! For now, actually. Well, forever, actually… Wtf is this. This is a parallel dimension, I guess, where everything that happened to me, just happens to this guy, and I'm— wait , who are you then. I'm glad you're watching this. Wait, who are you? I'm you! I–doubt that. Don't. Huh! Fuck, that's when I started wondering about– HEY. What the fuck, man. Did we ever figure out Jimmy Fallon's Skrillex? Not…yet, but… No. No. no. NO. It's not like i've tried to. You see, As they say This Fallon Is the front man for a larger operation at hand Hold onto your hat kids, Here comes the axe, Have your heads ready To get disconnected at the neck, Cause this shit gets NECK- BREAK. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH Crazy. No political affiliations, ever! Your inattention to the deficit, the prerequisite Inquizitive kid, this one A wizard at this, that He waxes and waxes off, Smokes with his left hand And slaps the shit out of that oncoming diaster with his right SLAP. AaaaaaaYY. That's for–the bike incident. Okay. alright, Fallon. You win. That's fucking right, and I'm gonna keep winning. Now get your shit together. Oh. And stop calling me Fallon; My name's Patrick. What is WRONG with him (I'm doing this method) I don't think this dude is eligible to play this character at all, but i'll just dedicate it to him— He is devistatingly attractive, and apparently super-professional so, Of course They had to hire him for SNL, but also…. THIS SHIT NEVER ENDS, DOES IT? NOPE. MORE CORNBREAD? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAA YES PLEASE. his punctuality is perfect; His punchlines, astounding In actuality, he's kind of an asshole Abandoned Catholosism for entertainment It's just engrained in him to be deranged, Rearranged his images for campaigns against hatred Hey, lets save this for another lesson, Okay, kids? The worst part is I think i'm a genius The other worst part is, Nobody can read this The other worst part Is the worst part of all I got words But no money to dream with It's just sequences of sequence Beyoncé dancing with coffee The plot thins and gets thick again Cause my budget alternates between ketogenics and cost-effective carb days My neighborhood's getting worse It's covered in trash and littered with ignorant [explitive] Motorists interrupting arcadian rhythms And all i want is some dick And fried chicken I'm so tired of this The American Nightmare Could be a dream, but then i'd be Up there On stage A fast forward I been up for four days Hard working as ever In a hard hat, I'm so blazed And these days Tina Fey just says “Hey” every now and again Cause i've been obsessed With her success/or It fuckin sucks, man It came on suddenly What if i told you I've been attached to this project since the beginning When's the beginning? Uhhh, i'd say, :”get out of my head, Jimmy Fallon, you're an imaginary Psycho fucking fart created as a result of my brain collapsing after imminent death from a successful suicide?” Is that a question? It had a question mark on it for inflection. Well, inflect this: you're right. I fucking–hate you. Okay! I'm assuming you also hate yourself, And you're also Skrillex. Okay, you're only correct, because that's entirely accurate, And also, you're Jesse Eiseinberg. Okay. OKay. OKAY? OKAY. Fuck, I hate you. I fucking hate you. MEANWHILE, Everyone's Grammy Awards begin projecting strange messages to its recipients. What the fuck, dog. The more of them you have… [ L E G E N D S ] What if Kurt Cobain Kept you up at night, screaming “Let me out” But you don't know how So you turn on the tube, Just, Kind of confused Just to do what you do The truth, it alludes you Don't even know who this dude is, But he's cute Don't need this stupid music Would you just Shut up Let me shoot up some drugs Stuff some straws up my nose, Because I am the Walrus Fuck! If i run out of smoke I can choke on some dramamine, I think i found the first mouse After that kid Left my house in a stretcher Left my house in a stretcher! So what happens after OWSLA shapeshifts into Jimmy Fallon And makes him the master of ceremonies In the tragic conflict of interest— Which happens to be The Festival Project Cause nobody wants to understand or polish this Abolishment of slavery? “Amen” She keeps praying “Amen” He keeps playing his game Okay, kids This hatred that's been described as “mental illness” Up until (When?) —Is actually just poverty and inequality Building up in all of us It's just distrust and lust buddy, Get out of the spin for a minute But if I did, I wouldn't finish it However What's an end to Infinite? —Nothin. WAYWAYEXT. NOTHING. NEVER. Pass the butter. Pass the WHAT What is “butter” What is WHAT? SHUT UP. Shut Up WHAT? I don't exist, remember? Stuck in your head You're stuck in my head Shut the fuck up then You're mumbling again Quit doing drugs, then Who do you love What is love Shut the fuck, up Bitch Butter What Shut WHAT UP FUCKYOU THEN *nothing* Nothing but an 8 millimeter penis, A fishing pole, half a sandwhich And some actor, I don't care who it is As long as Nothing and no one makes sense For at least A century after this The algorithm is getting different I should spin it to a record Or let one of these other niggas spit it Cause i'm frazzled as fuck and just can't handle the madness, man I got another hat to slap you with It says DUNCE on it What? No it doe— *hat slap * Don't be so fucking gullible, Asshole. Give that one to Marshall Mathers I imagined it was narrated by actors Rappers, and other masters of the craft Cause by the time I finish it I'll be dead as Fallon is I should gather up the lawers I'mma need For this class action ACTION! Wait, you mean, we're actually doing this series?? YES. Oh— FUCK. What. Everything is YES. YES. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPPPLLLES JERRY? No, it's JASON SUDAKIS. [FALLON being FALLON] Hey look! It's– IT'S JASON SUDAKIS! Everybody! JASON SUDAKIS SHOVE IT, FALLON. I read your wiki. FALLON …did you LAUGH? JASON SUDAKUS FUCK NO. IT WAS TRAGIC. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR LIFE? FALLON (Shrugs) I don't know yet, actually… I don't know how to describe how, This guy now, Is just the Overseer of everything under us, Like a cameo appearance, but— …Why is he just up there like that? Cause whatever the fuck Kesha said At the beginning of this 7 year curse Fucked up all space and time and… [Thank You] He parks the hearse with the coffin in it, he can't stop coughing And now it's public knowledge The curse was reversed With the censorship of the cursewords, The flow of the work of art known as The Festival Project Shit gets touchy, though, Nobody ever touched me With anymore Than their superstardom and own art projects I do it for the art, And just Know nobody can love me and trust me After all I've come up from And through But dude, I should just— Yo, Mr Protagonist I got a few words for you I been on my knees at the pews Confused as fuck as why God chose us To do this dumb show, Just show up , And stop smoking Switch the flow up a little, Try not to throw up, though When you blow up, OKay? Okay. Okay OKay I wanna be so pretty He sends for me I wanna spend thanksgiving in LA And Christmas in New York City Nevermind Reverse that I want it the other way I wanna see the Macy's Parade From the right place, this time With my son In my arms But I don't want no Problems I don't want no problems With the fake shaman Who hates saying he's the one that's crazy But love making games taking turquoise and sending demons after me So he says but — I've been dead since Getting stuck in the spiders web With liars and writers and high up men Who love girls half my age enough to Buy them a ticket Some hush money some lunch probably some purse or something Here Sign the NDA; And you might be famous The industry hates me Cause i can type, But almost never say it Living in fear of motorcycles and stock cars racing up my block It's tearing into my heart so much I might just have a heart attack And die, I hope Stick a serrated knife up my spine And my veins pulse Like i'm supposed to just Kill myself {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

Gerald’s World.
[CC's Lament]

Gerald’s World.

Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2024 3:21


I been telepathically programming bitches To mimick this addictive obsession with [Expletive] If anything just to hop up on his dicks in Get his attention And end his Ahem Apparently awful//awesome marriage edits in multidimensions, for the unmentionable shit that might just hit too close to home, for some What Be a parent to your son, They said I said, Hey, man I'm just a dear old dad with bad habits It's a trap, you know! You can't trust us bitches I took pictures of this bitches ass To put on top of the dead presidents Hell yes, I said Get dressed man, It isn't hygienic, All that shit we just did, Remember? I live in a trash can! (It's a dumpster but) [IT's actually really nice in here, what the fuck] Damn, alright what is that Idk #RIPJImmyFallon I was fasting like a maniac when that hashtag happened You just can't come back from that, You just can't ever Get back to the dad joke The man told. That pulled you out of that last fast, Like I did From that man whole! FLAGPOLE FLAGPOLE —what? OHFD. *OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. -The Rock And The Kite As told by Who's that guy Uh. TESTPILOT. I need some sages And stages And sages in this bitch! I need some Pages and Playlists and Paiges in this bitch It just goes On an on for days, This just gets crazy in this bitch Can't say Expletives because peacock is paying for this bitch! Nevermind, Lets just do Netflix? Pass. Amazon Prime? This costs too much for us I'll do this : every dime I own, Will go straight up your but I Is that an innuendo for ‘anal.plug' No, don't be gross! But I'm supposed to be gross (Going back and forth with Alec Baldwin) You win. Win WHAT You're the best. All your brothers are the off-awkward versions of you. *YES*. 30+ Rock ID please. Here you go. Sorry. No go. What do you mean. We're 21. I'm actually 23, but. No can do. This lounge is 30 Plus 30 PLUS? WHATTHEPLUG. Yup. Sorry kiddos. I'mfilthyDRUNK. I'm an ADULT. Pfft. That's what you think. Are you serious!? Serious as a heart attack; which, I'm at higher risk of actually having, Because I'm allowed in here. So Consider yourself lucky! PSH! I could have a heart attack if I want to! PSHH. PSHHHHHHHH. Hold your liquor, punk! I'll hold you—all night long!I —see you in like a decade! PSSSHSHUTUP. Shh. C'mon, lets go. Apparently, though According to some voice inside, He's miserable I call it insertinct* Or psychic inclinations, But perhaps that just my Hormonal fluctuations And high hopes to open up a portal And jump into some Seriously self deprecating behavior, Or some other alien shit Who the fuck can say, anyway You can't say any of these things publicly -1And actually expect to get away with them. You're just an asshole, That's a whole ass scandal waiting to happen I'll just light a candle and pray about it “God will work it out,” I said I'll just keep working out Avoiding bread, and figure out how to get out of debt Maybe crowdfunding? Somebody wake him up, yet? Nope, nothin. Mm. Poptarts. That's why I called it “The Allegory of [Redacted]” after all He's practically infinite except for That part And-1 That's that nigga! Are you sure. Fuck yeah, JIMMY FALLOn(s) Fuck you, dude. SUNNI BLU (shrugging) Whatever. All they played was Fallon in the pen, bro. Really? YeahYeah. And Sesame Street. And he even on THAT mo'fucker. Aight.Aight. you want ‘em. I got ‘em. Straight shot? Straight and clean. Aight, then. Well, alright then. [JIMMY FALLON is shot in a driveby.] “First Person Shooter” First person shooter is a live action open world game where. {BLAT} OH NO. AHAHA. Wait. The guns are REAL? The whole world's in slow motion. Nobody's supposed to know this kind of stuff, you know— Nobody's supposed to go there –I hope she doesn't post or publish this anywhere. Sure, that's what they all say, But hey, you could never love me anyway I'm on my way up I'm on my way up to Heaven Fuck this It's just this shit Over and over again All for the sake of the artform, All of up in arms, No comfort non conformist, With no money and no hopes left, Just a bunch of Too much, conscious And time on her hands Shes got One hand on the gun Underworld The other on the Trigger Which means Each hand has a gun in it Gun in it Gun in it EXT. MEXICO. DAY [Crying inconsolably in a hammock] COSMIC AVENGER (as a bird) I WILL AVENGE THIS!!!!! Man, I miss that bird, I wonder if he ever sings “I miss that girl” Gosh, he followed me everywhere I loved to hear him there, Even when I moved, He found me Must have been God in that bird Must have been God on that mountain talking some shit about Jimmy Fallon –That was a long fast. (The fucking longest) My veins, they ached At least a week, I think Some haloed being, Urging me to urgently just spill the blood for sweet relief, Wavering, I needed something Soothing, pleading Leaning in my weakness Back and forth , And that was when The fascination displayed With affection the affliction of infliction and in reflection of James turned Patrick Her turned to the successor He returned up to the surface The servitor became the alter After all and only in ever after The Procter, A doctor astonished him In neverland, somewhere beyond Asension Where the story starts and ends, Here. Oh man. This Jimmy Fallon dude is gonna fucking hate me Who is that again? I don't fucking know, honestly. Hello, John. Woah. Don't open this box. Okay. woah , this just came in crystal clear.. [A young and disheveld looking, tired young man turns on the television; Some sort of special, hosted by a popular commedienne and actress sparks his interest almost magnetically, and even seems to call to him.] Why, Hello, Jim. I'm–I'm Jim. Well, you're James. I am James! For now, actually. Well, forever, actually… Wtf is this. This is a parallel dimension, I guess, where everything that happened to me, just happens to this guy, and I'm— wait , who are you then. I'm glad you're watching this. Wait, who are you? I'm you! I–doubt that. Don't. Huh! Fuck, that's when I started wondering about– HEY. What the fuck, man. Did we ever figure out Jimmy Fallon's Skrillex? Not…yet, but… No. No. no. NO. It's not like i've tried to. You see, As they say This Fallon Is the front man for a larger operation at hand Hold onto your hat kids, Here comes the axe, Have your heads ready To get disconnected at the neck, Cause this shit gets NECK- BREAK. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH Crazy. No political affiliations, ever! Your inattention to the deficit, the prerequisite Inquizitive kid, this one A wizard at this, that He waxes and waxes off, Smokes with his left hand And slaps the shit out of that oncoming diaster with his right SLAP. AaaaaaaYY. That's for–the bike incident. Okay. alright, Fallon. You win. That's fucking right, and I'm gonna keep winning. Now get your shit together. Oh. And stop calling me Fallon; My name's Patrick. What is WRONG with him (I'm doing this method) I don't think this dude is eligible to play this character at all, but i'll just dedicate it to him— He is devistatingly attractive, and apparently super-professional so, Of course They had to hire him for SNL, but also…. THIS SHIT NEVER ENDS, DOES IT? NOPE. MORE CORNBREAD? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAA YES PLEASE. his punctuality is perfect; His punchlines, astounding In actuality, he's kind of an asshole Abandoned Catholosism for entertainment It's just engrained in him to be deranged, Rearranged his images for campaigns against hatred Hey, lets save this for another lesson, Okay, kids? The worst part is I think i'm a genius The other worst part is, Nobody can read this The other worst part Is the worst part of all I got words But no money to dream with It's just sequences of sequence Beyoncé dancing with coffee The plot thins and gets thick again Cause my budget alternates between ketogenics and cost-effective carb days My neighborhood's getting worse It's covered in trash and littered with ignorant [explitive] Motorists interrupting arcadian rhythms And all i want is some dick And fried chicken I'm so tired of this The American Nightmare Could be a dream, but then i'd be Up there On stage A fast forward I been up for four days Hard working as ever In a hard hat, I'm so blazed And these days Tina Fey just says “Hey” every now and again Cause i've been obsessed With her success/or It fuckin sucks, man It came on suddenly What if i told you I've been attached to this project since the beginning When's the beginning? Uhhh, i'd say, :”get out of my head, Jimmy Fallon, you're an imaginary Psycho fucking fart created as a result of my brain collapsing after imminent death from a successful suicide?” Is that a question? It had a question mark on it for inflection. Well, inflect this: you're right. I fucking–hate you. Okay! I'm assuming you also hate yourself, And you're also Skrillex. Okay, you're only correct, because that's entirely accurate, And also, you're Jesse Eiseinberg. Okay. OKay. OKAY? OKAY. Fuck, I hate you. I fucking hate you. MEANWHILE, Everyone's Grammy Awards begin projecting strange messages to its recipients. What the fuck, dog. The more of them you have… [ L E G E N D S ] What if Kurt Cobain Kept you up at night, screaming “Let me out” But you don't know how So you turn on the tube, Just, Kind of confused Just to do what you do The truth, it alludes you Don't even know who this dude is, But he's cute Don't need this stupid music Would you just Shut up Let me shoot up some drugs Stuff some straws up my nose, Because I am the Walrus Fuck! If i run out of smoke I can choke on some dramamine, I think i found the first mouse After that kid Left my house in a stretcher Left my house in a stretcher! So what happens after OWSLA shapeshifts into Jimmy Fallon And makes him the master of ceremonies In the tragic conflict of interest— Which happens to be The Festival Project Cause nobody wants to understand or polish this Abolishment of slavery? “Amen” She keeps praying “Amen” He keeps playing his game Okay, kids This hatred that's been described as “mental illness” Up until (When?) —Is actually just poverty and inequality Building up in all of us It's just distrust and lust buddy, Get out of the spin for a minute But if I did, I wouldn't finish it However What's an end to Infinite? —Nothin. WAYWAYEXT. NOTHING. NEVER. Pass the butter. Pass the WHAT What is “butter” What is WHAT? SHUT UP. Shut Up WHAT? I don't exist, remember? Stuck in your head You're stuck in my head Shut the fuck up then You're mumbling again Quit doing drugs, then Who do you love What is love Shut the fuck, up Bitch Butter What Shut WHAT UP FUCKYOU THEN *nothing* Nothing but an 8 millimeter penis, A fishing pole, half a sandwhich And some actor, I don't care who it is As long as Nothing and no one makes sense For at least A century after this The algorithm is getting different I should spin it to a record Or let one of these other niggas spit it Cause i'm frazzled as fuck and just can't handle the madness, man I got another hat to slap you with It says DUNCE on it What? No it doe— *hat slap * Don't be so fucking gullible, Asshole. Give that one to Marshall Mathers I imagined it was narrated by actors Rappers, and other masters of the craft Cause by the time I finish it I'll be dead as Fallon is I should gather up the lawers I'mma need For this class action ACTION! Wait, you mean, we're actually doing this series?? YES. Oh— FUCK. What. Everything is YES. YES. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPPPLLLES JERRY? No, it's JASON SUDAKIS. [FALLON being FALLON] Hey look! It's– IT'S JASON SUDAKIS! Everybody! JASON SUDAKIS SHOVE IT, FALLON. I read your wiki. FALLON …did you LAUGH? JASON SUDAKUS FUCK NO. IT WAS TRAGIC. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR LIFE? FALLON (Shrugs) I don't know yet, actually… I don't know how to describe how, This guy now, Is just the Overseer of everything under us, Like a cameo appearance, but— …Why is he just up there like that? Cause whatever the fuck Kesha said At the beginning of this 7 year curse Fucked up all space and time and… [Thank You] He parks the hearse with the coffin in it, he can't stop coughing And now it's public knowledge The curse was reversed With the censorship of the cursewords, The flow of the work of art known as The Festival Project Shit gets touchy, though, Nobody ever touched me With anymore Than their superstardom and own art projects I do it for the art, And just Know nobody can love me and trust me After all I've come up from And through But dude, I should just— Yo, Mr Protagonist I got a few words for you I been on my knees at the pews Confused as fuck as why God chose us To do this dumb show, Just show up , And stop smoking Switch the flow up a little, Try not to throw up, though When you blow up, OKay? Okay. Okay OKay I wanna be so pretty He sends for me I wanna spend thanksgiving in LA And Christmas in New York City Nevermind Reverse that I want it the other way I wanna see the Macy's Parade From the right place, this time With my son In my arms But I don't want no Problems I don't want no problems With the fake shaman Who hates saying he's the one that's crazy But love making games taking turquoise and sending demons after me So he says but — I've been dead since Getting stuck in the spiders web With liars and writers and high up men Who love girls half my age enough to Buy them a ticket Some hush money some lunch probably some purse or something Here Sign the NDA; And you might be famous The industry hates me Cause i can type, But almost never say it Living in fear of motorcycles and stock cars racing up my block It's tearing into my heart so much I might just have a heart attack And die, I hope Stick a serrated knife up my spine And my veins pulse Like i'm supposed to just Kill myself {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]
[CC's Lament] from {Enter The Multiverse: LEGENDS} Soundtrack

[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]

Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2024 3:21


I been telepathically programming bitches To mimick this addictive obsession with [Expletive] If anything just to hop up on his dicks in Get his attention And end his Ahem Apparently awful//awesome marriage edits in multidimensions, for the unmentionable shit that might just hit too close to home, for some What Be a parent to your son, They said I said, Hey, man I'm just a dear old dad with bad habits It's a trap, you know! You can't trust us bitches I took pictures of this bitches ass To put on top of the dead presidents Hell yes, I said Get dressed man, It isn't hygienic, All that shit we just did, Remember? I live in a trash can! (It's a dumpster but) [IT's actually really nice in here, what the fuck] Damn, alright what is that Idk #RIPJImmyFallon I was fasting like a maniac when that hashtag happened You just can't come back from that, You just can't ever Get back to the dad joke The man told. That pulled you out of that last fast, Like I did From that man whole! FLAGPOLE FLAGPOLE —what? OHFD. *OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. -The Rock And The Kite As told by Who's that guy Uh. TESTPILOT. I need some sages And stages And sages in this bitch! I need some Pages and Playlists and Paiges in this bitch It just goes On an on for days, This just gets crazy in this bitch Can't say Expletives because peacock is paying for this bitch! Nevermind, Lets just do Netflix? Pass. Amazon Prime? This costs too much for us I'll do this : every dime I own, Will go straight up your but I Is that an innuendo for ‘anal.plug' No, don't be gross! But I'm supposed to be gross (Going back and forth with Alec Baldwin) You win. Win WHAT You're the best. All your brothers are the off-awkward versions of you. *YES*. 30+ Rock ID please. Here you go. Sorry. No go. What do you mean. We're 21. I'm actually 23, but. No can do. This lounge is 30 Plus 30 PLUS? WHATTHEPLUG. Yup. Sorry kiddos. I'mfilthyDRUNK. I'm an ADULT. Pfft. That's what you think. Are you serious!? Serious as a heart attack; which, I'm at higher risk of actually having, Because I'm allowed in here. So Consider yourself lucky! PSH! I could have a heart attack if I want to! PSHH. PSHHHHHHHH. Hold your liquor, punk! I'll hold you—all night long!I —see you in like a decade! PSSSHSHUTUP. Shh. C'mon, lets go. Apparently, though According to some voice inside, He's miserable I call it insertinct* Or psychic inclinations, But perhaps that just my Hormonal fluctuations And high hopes to open up a portal And jump into some Seriously self deprecating behavior, Or some other alien shit Who the fuck can say, anyway You can't say any of these things publicly -1And actually expect to get away with them. You're just an asshole, That's a whole ass scandal waiting to happen I'll just light a candle and pray about it “God will work it out,” I said I'll just keep working out Avoiding bread, and figure out how to get out of debt Maybe crowdfunding? Somebody wake him up, yet? Nope, nothin. Mm. Poptarts. That's why I called it “The Allegory of [Redacted]” after all He's practically infinite except for That part And-1 That's that nigga! Are you sure. Fuck yeah, JIMMY FALLOn(s) Fuck you, dude. SUNNI BLU (shrugging) Whatever. All they played was Fallon in the pen, bro. Really? YeahYeah. And Sesame Street. And he even on THAT mo'fucker. Aight.Aight. you want ‘em. I got ‘em. Straight shot? Straight and clean. Aight, then. Well, alright then. [JIMMY FALLON is shot in a driveby.] “First Person Shooter” First person shooter is a live action open world game where. {BLAT} OH NO. AHAHA. Wait. The guns are REAL? The whole world's in slow motion. Nobody's supposed to know this kind of stuff, you know— Nobody's supposed to go there –I hope she doesn't post or publish this anywhere. Sure, that's what they all say, But hey, you could never love me anyway I'm on my way up I'm on my way up to Heaven Fuck this It's just this shit Over and over again All for the sake of the artform, All of up in arms, No comfort non conformist, With no money and no hopes left, Just a bunch of Too much, conscious And time on her hands Shes got One hand on the gun Underworld The other on the Trigger Which means Each hand has a gun in it Gun in it Gun in it EXT. MEXICO. DAY [Crying inconsolably in a hammock] COSMIC AVENGER (as a bird) I WILL AVENGE THIS!!!!! Man, I miss that bird, I wonder if he ever sings “I miss that girl” Gosh, he followed me everywhere I loved to hear him there, Even when I moved, He found me Must have been God in that bird Must have been God on that mountain talking some shit about Jimmy Fallon –That was a long fast. (The fucking longest) My veins, they ached At least a week, I think Some haloed being, Urging me to urgently just spill the blood for sweet relief, Wavering, I needed something Soothing, pleading Leaning in my weakness Back and forth , And that was when The fascination displayed With affection the affliction of infliction and in reflection of James turned Patrick Her turned to the successor He returned up to the surface The servitor became the alter After all and only in ever after The Procter, A doctor astonished him In neverland, somewhere beyond Asension Where the story starts and ends, Here. Oh man. This Jimmy Fallon dude is gonna fucking hate me Who is that again? I don't fucking know, honestly. Hello, John. Woah. Don't open this box. Okay. woah , this just came in crystal clear.. [A young and disheveld looking, tired young man turns on the television; Some sort of special, hosted by a popular commedienne and actress sparks his interest almost magnetically, and even seems to call to him.] Why, Hello, Jim. I'm–I'm Jim. Well, you're James. I am James! For now, actually. Well, forever, actually… Wtf is this. This is a parallel dimension, I guess, where everything that happened to me, just happens to this guy, and I'm— wait , who are you then. I'm glad you're watching this. Wait, who are you? I'm you! I–doubt that. Don't. Huh! Fuck, that's when I started wondering about– HEY. What the fuck, man. Did we ever figure out Jimmy Fallon's Skrillex? Not…yet, but… No. No. no. NO. It's not like i've tried to. You see, As they say This Fallon Is the front man for a larger operation at hand Hold onto your hat kids, Here comes the axe, Have your heads ready To get disconnected at the neck, Cause this shit gets NECK- BREAK. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH Crazy. No political affiliations, ever! Your inattention to the deficit, the prerequisite Inquizitive kid, this one A wizard at this, that He waxes and waxes off, Smokes with his left hand And slaps the shit out of that oncoming diaster with his right SLAP. AaaaaaaYY. That's for–the bike incident. Okay. alright, Fallon. You win. That's fucking right, and I'm gonna keep winning. Now get your shit together. Oh. And stop calling me Fallon; My name's Patrick. What is WRONG with him (I'm doing this method) I don't think this dude is eligible to play this character at all, but i'll just dedicate it to him— He is devistatingly attractive, and apparently super-professional so, Of course They had to hire him for SNL, but also…. THIS SHIT NEVER ENDS, DOES IT? NOPE. MORE CORNBREAD? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAA YES PLEASE. his punctuality is perfect; His punchlines, astounding In actuality, he's kind of an asshole Abandoned Catholosism for entertainment It's just engrained in him to be deranged, Rearranged his images for campaigns against hatred Hey, lets save this for another lesson, Okay, kids? The worst part is I think i'm a genius The other worst part is, Nobody can read this The other worst part Is the worst part of all I got words But no money to dream with It's just sequences of sequence Beyoncé dancing with coffee The plot thins and gets thick again Cause my budget alternates between ketogenics and cost-effective carb days My neighborhood's getting worse It's covered in trash and littered with ignorant [explitive] Motorists interrupting arcadian rhythms And all i want is some dick And fried chicken I'm so tired of this The American Nightmare Could be a dream, but then i'd be Up there On stage A fast forward I been up for four days Hard working as ever In a hard hat, I'm so blazed And these days Tina Fey just says “Hey” every now and again Cause i've been obsessed With her success/or It fuckin sucks, man It came on suddenly What if i told you I've been attached to this project since the beginning When's the beginning? Uhhh, i'd say, :”get out of my head, Jimmy Fallon, you're an imaginary Psycho fucking fart created as a result of my brain collapsing after imminent death from a successful suicide?” Is that a question? It had a question mark on it for inflection. Well, inflect this: you're right. I fucking–hate you. Okay! I'm assuming you also hate yourself, And you're also Skrillex. Okay, you're only correct, because that's entirely accurate, And also, you're Jesse Eiseinberg. Okay. OKay. OKAY? OKAY. Fuck, I hate you. I fucking hate you. MEANWHILE, Everyone's Grammy Awards begin projecting strange messages to its recipients. What the fuck, dog. The more of them you have… [ L E G E N D S ] What if Kurt Cobain Kept you up at night, screaming “Let me out” But you don't know how So you turn on the tube, Just, Kind of confused Just to do what you do The truth, it alludes you Don't even know who this dude is, But he's cute Don't need this stupid music Would you just Shut up Let me shoot up some drugs Stuff some straws up my nose, Because I am the Walrus Fuck! If i run out of smoke I can choke on some dramamine, I think i found the first mouse After that kid Left my house in a stretcher Left my house in a stretcher! So what happens after OWSLA shapeshifts into Jimmy Fallon And makes him the master of ceremonies In the tragic conflict of interest— Which happens to be The Festival Project Cause nobody wants to understand or polish this Abolishment of slavery? “Amen” She keeps praying “Amen” He keeps playing his game Okay, kids This hatred that's been described as “mental illness” Up until (When?) —Is actually just poverty and inequality Building up in all of us It's just distrust and lust buddy, Get out of the spin for a minute But if I did, I wouldn't finish it However What's an end to Infinite? —Nothin. WAYWAYEXT. NOTHING. NEVER. Pass the butter. Pass the WHAT What is “butter” What is WHAT? SHUT UP. Shut Up WHAT? I don't exist, remember? Stuck in your head You're stuck in my head Shut the fuck up then You're mumbling again Quit doing drugs, then Who do you love What is love Shut the fuck, up Bitch Butter What Shut WHAT UP FUCKYOU THEN *nothing* Nothing but an 8 millimeter penis, A fishing pole, half a sandwhich And some actor, I don't care who it is As long as Nothing and no one makes sense For at least A century after this The algorithm is getting different I should spin it to a record Or let one of these other niggas spit it Cause i'm frazzled as fuck and just can't handle the madness, man I got another hat to slap you with It says DUNCE on it What? No it doe— *hat slap * Don't be so fucking gullible, Asshole. Give that one to Marshall Mathers I imagined it was narrated by actors Rappers, and other masters of the craft Cause by the time I finish it I'll be dead as Fallon is I should gather up the lawers I'mma need For this class action ACTION! Wait, you mean, we're actually doing this series?? YES. Oh— FUCK. What. Everything is YES. YES. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPPPLLLES JERRY? No, it's JASON SUDAKIS. [FALLON being FALLON] Hey look! It's– IT'S JASON SUDAKIS! Everybody! JASON SUDAKIS SHOVE IT, FALLON. I read your wiki. FALLON …did you LAUGH? JASON SUDAKUS FUCK NO. IT WAS TRAGIC. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR LIFE? FALLON (Shrugs) I don't know yet, actually… I don't know how to describe how, This guy now, Is just the Overseer of everything under us, Like a cameo appearance, but— …Why is he just up there like that? Cause whatever the fuck Kesha said At the beginning of this 7 year curse Fucked up all space and time and… [Thank You] He parks the hearse with the coffin in it, he can't stop coughing And now it's public knowledge The curse was reversed With the censorship of the cursewords, The flow of the work of art known as The Festival Project Shit gets touchy, though, Nobody ever touched me With anymore Than their superstardom and own art projects I do it for the art, And just Know nobody can love me and trust me After all I've come up from And through But dude, I should just— Yo, Mr Protagonist I got a few words for you I been on my knees at the pews Confused as fuck as why God chose us To do this dumb show, Just show up , And stop smoking Switch the flow up a little, Try not to throw up, though When you blow up, OKay? Okay. Okay OKay I wanna be so pretty He sends for me I wanna spend thanksgiving in LA And Christmas in New York City Nevermind Reverse that I want it the other way I wanna see the Macy's Parade From the right place, this time With my son In my arms But I don't want no Problems I don't want no problems With the fake shaman Who hates saying he's the one that's crazy But love making games taking turquoise and sending demons after me So he says but — I've been dead since Getting stuck in the spiders web With liars and writers and high up men Who love girls half my age enough to Buy them a ticket Some hush money some lunch probably some purse or something Here Sign the NDA; And you might be famous The industry hates me Cause i can type, But almost never say it Living in fear of motorcycles and stock cars racing up my block It's tearing into my heart so much I might just have a heart attack And die, I hope Stick a serrated knife up my spine And my veins pulse Like i'm supposed to just Kill myself {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

The Legend of S Ū P ∆ C Я E E ™

I been telepathically programming bitches To mimick this addictive obsession with [Expletive] If anything just to hop up on his dicks in Get his attention And end his Ahem Apparently awful//awesome marriage edits in multidimensions, for the unmentionable shit that might just hit too close to home, for some What Be a parent to your son, They said I said, Hey, man I'm just a dear old dad with bad habits It's a trap, you know! You can't trust us bitches I took pictures of this bitches ass To put on top of the dead presidents Hell yes, I said Get dressed man, It isn't hygienic, All that shit we just did, Remember? I live in a trash can! (It's a dumpster but) [IT's actually really nice in here, what the fuck] Damn, alright what is that Idk #RIPJImmyFallon I was fasting like a maniac when that hashtag happened You just can't come back from that, You just can't ever Get back to the dad joke The man told. That pulled you out of that last fast, Like I did From that man whole! FLAGPOLE FLAGPOLE —what? OHFD. *OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. -The Rock And The Kite As told by Who's that guy Uh. TESTPILOT. I need some sages And stages And sages in this bitch! I need some Pages and Playlists and Paiges in this bitch It just goes On an on for days, This just gets crazy in this bitch Can't say Expletives because peacock is paying for this bitch! Nevermind, Lets just do Netflix? Pass. Amazon Prime? This costs too much for us I'll do this : every dime I own, Will go straight up your but I Is that an innuendo for ‘anal.plug' No, don't be gross! But I'm supposed to be gross (Going back and forth with Alec Baldwin) You win. Win WHAT You're the best. All your brothers are the off-awkward versions of you. *YES*. 30+ Rock ID please. Here you go. Sorry. No go. What do you mean. We're 21. I'm actually 23, but. No can do. This lounge is 30 Plus 30 PLUS? WHATTHEPLUG. Yup. Sorry kiddos. I'mfilthyDRUNK. I'm an ADULT. Pfft. That's what you think. Are you serious!? Serious as a heart attack; which, I'm at higher risk of actually having, Because I'm allowed in here. So Consider yourself lucky! PSH! I could have a heart attack if I want to! PSHH. PSHHHHHHHH. Hold your liquor, punk! I'll hold you—all night long!I —see you in like a decade! PSSSHSHUTUP. Shh. C'mon, lets go. Apparently, though According to some voice inside, He's miserable I call it insertinct* Or psychic inclinations, But perhaps that just my Hormonal fluctuations And high hopes to open up a portal And jump into some Seriously self deprecating behavior, Or some other alien shit Who the fuck can say, anyway You can't say any of these things publicly -1And actually expect to get away with them. You're just an asshole, That's a whole ass scandal waiting to happen I'll just light a candle and pray about it “God will work it out,” I said I'll just keep working out Avoiding bread, and figure out how to get out of debt Maybe crowdfunding? Somebody wake him up, yet? Nope, nothin. Mm. Poptarts. That's why I called it “The Allegory of [Redacted]” after all He's practically infinite except for That part And-1 That's that nigga! Are you sure. Fuck yeah, JIMMY FALLOn(s) Fuck you, dude. SUNNI BLU (shrugging) Whatever. All they played was Fallon in the pen, bro. Really? YeahYeah. And Sesame Street. And he even on THAT mo'fucker. Aight.Aight. you want ‘em. I got ‘em. Straight shot? Straight and clean. Aight, then. Well, alright then. [JIMMY FALLON is shot in a driveby.] “First Person Shooter” First person shooter is a live action open world game where. {BLAT} OH NO. AHAHA. Wait. The guns are REAL? The whole world's in slow motion. Nobody's supposed to know this kind of stuff, you know— Nobody's supposed to go there –I hope she doesn't post or publish this anywhere. Sure, that's what they all say, But hey, you could never love me anyway I'm on my way up I'm on my way up to Heaven Fuck this It's just this shit Over and over again All for the sake of the artform, All of up in arms, No comfort non conformist, With no money and no hopes left, Just a bunch of Too much, conscious And time on her hands Shes got One hand on the gun Underworld The other on the Trigger Which means Each hand has a gun in it Gun in it Gun in it EXT. MEXICO. DAY [Crying inconsolably in a hammock] COSMIC AVENGER (as a bird) I WILL AVENGE THIS!!!!! Man, I miss that bird, I wonder if he ever sings “I miss that girl” Gosh, he followed me everywhere I loved to hear him there, Even when I moved, He found me Must have been God in that bird Must have been God on that mountain talking some shit about Jimmy Fallon –That was a long fast. (The fucking longest) My veins, they ached At least a week, I think Some haloed being, Urging me to urgently just spill the blood for sweet relief, Wavering, I needed something Soothing, pleading Leaning in my weakness Back and forth , And that was when The fascination displayed With affection the affliction of infliction and in reflection of James turned Patrick Her turned to the successor He returned up to the surface The servitor became the alter After all and only in ever after The Procter, A doctor astonished him In neverland, somewhere beyond Asension Where the story starts and ends, Here. Oh man. This Jimmy Fallon dude is gonna fucking hate me Who is that again? I don't fucking know, honestly. Hello, John. Woah. Don't open this box. Okay. woah , this just came in crystal clear.. [A young and disheveld looking, tired young man turns on the television; Some sort of special, hosted by a popular commedienne and actress sparks his interest almost magnetically, and even seems to call to him.] Why, Hello, Jim. I'm–I'm Jim. Well, you're James. I am James! For now, actually. Well, forever, actually… Wtf is this. This is a parallel dimension, I guess, where everything that happened to me, just happens to this guy, and I'm— wait , who are you then. I'm glad you're watching this. Wait, who are you? I'm you! I–doubt that. Don't. Huh! Fuck, that's when I started wondering about– HEY. What the fuck, man. Did we ever figure out Jimmy Fallon's Skrillex? Not…yet, but… No. No. no. NO. It's not like i've tried to. You see, As they say This Fallon Is the front man for a larger operation at hand Hold onto your hat kids, Here comes the axe, Have your heads ready To get disconnected at the neck, Cause this shit gets NECK- BREAK. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH Crazy. No political affiliations, ever! Your inattention to the deficit, the prerequisite Inquizitive kid, this one A wizard at this, that He waxes and waxes off, Smokes with his left hand And slaps the shit out of that oncoming diaster with his right SLAP. AaaaaaaYY. That's for–the bike incident. Okay. alright, Fallon. You win. That's fucking right, and I'm gonna keep winning. Now get your shit together. Oh. And stop calling me Fallon; My name's Patrick. What is WRONG with him (I'm doing this method) I don't think this dude is eligible to play this character at all, but i'll just dedicate it to him— He is devistatingly attractive, and apparently super-professional so, Of course They had to hire him for SNL, but also…. THIS SHIT NEVER ENDS, DOES IT? NOPE. MORE CORNBREAD? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAA YES PLEASE. his punctuality is perfect; His punchlines, astounding In actuality, he's kind of an asshole Abandoned Catholosism for entertainment It's just engrained in him to be deranged, Rearranged his images for campaigns against hatred Hey, lets save this for another lesson, Okay, kids? The worst part is I think i'm a genius The other worst part is, Nobody can read this The other worst part Is the worst part of all I got words But no money to dream with It's just sequences of sequence Beyoncé dancing with coffee The plot thins and gets thick again Cause my budget alternates between ketogenics and cost-effective carb days My neighborhood's getting worse It's covered in trash and littered with ignorant [explitive] Motorists interrupting arcadian rhythms And all i want is some dick And fried chicken I'm so tired of this The American Nightmare Could be a dream, but then i'd be Up there On stage A fast forward I been up for four days Hard working as ever In a hard hat, I'm so blazed And these days Tina Fey just says “Hey” every now and again Cause i've been obsessed With her success/or It fuckin sucks, man It came on suddenly What if i told you I've been attached to this project since the beginning When's the beginning? Uhhh, i'd say, :”get out of my head, Jimmy Fallon, you're an imaginary Psycho fucking fart created as a result of my brain collapsing after imminent death from a successful suicide?” Is that a question? It had a question mark on it for inflection. Well, inflect this: you're right. I fucking–hate you. Okay! I'm assuming you also hate yourself, And you're also Skrillex. Okay, you're only correct, because that's entirely accurate, And also, you're Jesse Eiseinberg. Okay. OKay. OKAY? OKAY. Fuck, I hate you. I fucking hate you. MEANWHILE, Everyone's Grammy Awards begin projecting strange messages to its recipients. What the fuck, dog. The more of them you have… [ L E G E N D S ] What if Kurt Cobain Kept you up at night, screaming “Let me out” But you don't know how So you turn on the tube, Just, Kind of confused Just to do what you do The truth, it alludes you Don't even know who this dude is, But he's cute Don't need this stupid music Would you just Shut up Let me shoot up some drugs Stuff some straws up my nose, Because I am the Walrus Fuck! If i run out of smoke I can choke on some dramamine, I think i found the first mouse After that kid Left my house in a stretcher Left my house in a stretcher! So what happens after OWSLA shapeshifts into Jimmy Fallon And makes him the master of ceremonies In the tragic conflict of interest— Which happens to be The Festival Project Cause nobody wants to understand or polish this Abolishment of slavery? “Amen” She keeps praying “Amen” He keeps playing his game Okay, kids This hatred that's been described as “mental illness” Up until (When?) —Is actually just poverty and inequality Building up in all of us It's just distrust and lust buddy, Get out of the spin for a minute But if I did, I wouldn't finish it However What's an end to Infinite? —Nothin. WAYWAYEXT. NOTHING. NEVER. Pass the butter. Pass the WHAT What is “butter” What is WHAT? SHUT UP. Shut Up WHAT? I don't exist, remember? Stuck in your head You're stuck in my head Shut the fuck up then You're mumbling again Quit doing drugs, then Who do you love What is love Shut the fuck, up Bitch Butter What Shut WHAT UP FUCKYOU THEN *nothing* Nothing but an 8 millimeter penis, A fishing pole, half a sandwhich And some actor, I don't care who it is As long as Nothing and no one makes sense For at least A century after this The algorithm is getting different I should spin it to a record Or let one of these other niggas spit it Cause i'm frazzled as fuck and just can't handle the madness, man I got another hat to slap you with It says DUNCE on it What? No it doe— *hat slap * Don't be so fucking gullible, Asshole. Give that one to Marshall Mathers I imagined it was narrated by actors Rappers, and other masters of the craft Cause by the time I finish it I'll be dead as Fallon is I should gather up the lawers I'mma need For this class action ACTION! Wait, you mean, we're actually doing this series?? YES. Oh— FUCK. What. Everything is YES. YES. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPPPLLLES JERRY? No, it's JASON SUDAKIS. [FALLON being FALLON] Hey look! It's– IT'S JASON SUDAKIS! Everybody! JASON SUDAKIS SHOVE IT, FALLON. I read your wiki. FALLON …did you LAUGH? JASON SUDAKUS FUCK NO. IT WAS TRAGIC. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR LIFE? FALLON (Shrugs) I don't know yet, actually… I don't know how to describe how, This guy now, Is just the Overseer of everything under us, Like a cameo appearance, but— …Why is he just up there like that? Cause whatever the fuck Kesha said At the beginning of this 7 year curse Fucked up all space and time and… [Thank You] He parks the hearse with the coffin in it, he can't stop coughing And now it's public knowledge The curse was reversed With the censorship of the cursewords, The flow of the work of art known as The Festival Project Shit gets touchy, though, Nobody ever touched me With anymore Than their superstardom and own art projects I do it for the art, And just Know nobody can love me and trust me After all I've come up from And through But dude, I should just— Yo, Mr Protagonist I got a few words for you I been on my knees at the pews Confused as fuck as why God chose us To do this dumb show, Just show up , And stop smoking Switch the flow up a little, Try not to throw up, though When you blow up, OKay? Okay. Okay OKay I wanna be so pretty He sends for me I wanna spend thanksgiving in LA And Christmas in New York City Nevermind Reverse that I want it the other way I wanna see the Macy's Parade From the right place, this time With my son In my arms But I don't want no Problems I don't want no problems With the fake shaman Who hates saying he's the one that's crazy But love making games taking turquoise and sending demons after me So he says but — I've been dead since Getting stuck in the spiders web With liars and writers and high up men Who love girls half my age enough to Buy them a ticket Some hush money some lunch probably some purse or something Here Sign the NDA; And you might be famous The industry hates me Cause i can type, But almost never say it Living in fear of motorcycles and stock cars racing up my block It's tearing into my heart so much I might just have a heart attack And die, I hope Stick a serrated knife up my spine And my veins pulse Like i'm supposed to just Kill myself {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 293 - The Truth About Earth Day

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later May 5, 2024 20:12


Having just endured the 54th annual Earth Day, I thought it was time to expose this phony holiday for what it really is. Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- Earth Day: Phony Holiday Fifty Years of Environmentalists Lies Population Explosion Disaster Never Happened Earth Day Environmentalism and its Pagan Roots Truth Quest Podcast Episode #289 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the EPA Episode #279 - The Truth About the Boy Who Cried Wolf - The Green Energy Debacle Episode #208 - The Truth About the Climate Change Agenda Episode #7 - The Truth About Climate Change -------------------------------- Grab your Truth Quest Merchandise at The Truth Quest Shirt Factory. With each shirt design there will be an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will further deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. Don't worry! You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  Good luck! And thanks for supporting the Truth Quest Podcast! -------------------------------- Join the conversation at The Truth Quest Facebook Fan Page Order a copy of one of my books, Pritical Thinking, The Proverbs Project, The Termite Effect. The Truth Quest Podcast Patron Page

Into The North
Episode 94: Grand Abolishment

Into The North

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2024 71:21


https://linktr.ee/IntoTheNorthPodcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Intothenorthpodcast

Townhall Review | Conservative Commentary On Today's News
Biden's Abolishment of Title IX and Women's Sports | Charlie Kirk and Paula Scanlan

Townhall Review | Conservative Commentary On Today's News

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 25, 2024 15:38


In this episode, Charlie Kirk and former University of Pennsylvania swimmer, Paula Scanlan, discuss the controversial changes to Title IX under the Biden administration, which equates sex with gender identity. This policy allows biological males to compete in women's sports and use women's facilities, leading to discomfort and concerns about fairness among female athletes like Paula, who experienced these changes firsthand at the University of Pennsylvania.

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 289 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Environmental Protection Agency

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2024 25:32


The Environmental Protection Agency is an unconstitutional federal agency. Congress should abolish and defund it today! Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- Wikipedia - EPA EPA.gov Environmental Regulation and the Constitution West Virginia v. EPA Supreme Court EPA and Climate Change Truth Quest Podcast Episode #285 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the USDA Episode #280 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Energy  -------------------------------- Grab your Truth Quest Merchandise at The Truth Quest Shirt Factory: Check out the "ABOLISH the EPA" shirt inspired by this episode! With each shirt design there will be an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will further deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. Don't worry! You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  Good luck! And thanks for supporting the Truth Quest Podcast! -------------------------------- Join the conversation at The Truth Quest Facebook Fan Page Order a copy of one of my books, Pritical Thinking, The Proverbs Project, The Termite Effect. The Truth Quest Podcast Patron Page

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 285 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the USDA

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 29, 2024 18:14


The U.S. Department of Agriculture is an unconstitutional federal agency. Congress should defund and abolish it today! Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- USDA Truth Quest Podcast Episode #98 – The Truth About Abraham Lincoln - Part I Episode #99 – The Truth About Abraham Lincoln - Part II Episode #191 – The Truth About the Petrodollar Episode #211 – The Truth About Inflation in Under 15 Minutes Episode #275 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Education Episode #280 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Energy -------------------------------- Grab your Truth Quest Merchandise at The Truth Quest Shirt Factory: With each shirt design there is an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will further deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. Don't worry! You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  Good luck! And thanks for supporting the Truth Quest Podcast! Check out the "Few and defined; Numerous and indefinite" shirt partially inspired by this episode. -------------------------------- Join the conversation at The Truth Quest Facebook Fan Page Order a copy of one of my books, Pritical Thinking, The Proverbs Project, The Termite Effect. The Truth Quest Podcast Patron Page

Beanzzz & Rice
David Guetta - Bad Girl Gymnasium

Beanzzz & Rice

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 13, 2024 93:30


Black History Month, Abolishment, Mars, Exhiles, Coach Prime, King Jos, Motivation. Fresh n Fit, Wheel of Destiny, Gymnasiums, JFK, World events, Mayans, Asian attacks, Cannons, Advice, and a lot of fun with the Boys only!

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 280 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Energy

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 21, 2024 25:16


The Department of Energy is an unconstitutional federal agency. Congress should defund and abolish it today! Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- Department of Energy Truth Quest Podcast Episode #3 - The Truth About the Constitution - Where in the Constitution? Episode #23 - The Truth About Nullification Episode #43 - The Truth About the Federalist Papers - Part I Episode #44 - The Truth About the Federalist Papers - Part II Episode #45 - The Truth About the Federalist Papers - Part III Episode #120 - The Truth About the Tenth Amendment Episode #191 -The Truth About the Petrodollar Episode 275 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Education Grab your Truth Quest Merchandise at The Truth Quest Shirt Factory: With each shirt design there is an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will further deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. Don't worry! You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  Good luck! And thanks for supporting the Truth Quest Podcast! Check out the "Few and defined; Numerous and indefinite" shirt partially inspired by this episode. Join the conversation at The Truth Quest Facebook Fan Page Order a copy of one of my books, Pritical Thinking, The Proverbs Project, The Termite Effect. The Truth Quest Podcast Patron Page

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 276 - The Truth About Dictatorial Claims Projected on Trump

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 17, 2023 12:01


When Trump and country-hating, shit-talkers use the words "Trump" and "dictator" in the same sentence, understand that you are listening to someone who is shallow and historical ignorant. They are deceitful, dishonest, disingenuous and a gas-lighting propagandist of the highest order.  Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- Episode #73 - The Truth About Trump Derangement Syndrome Episode #98 - The Truth About Abraham Lincoln - Part I Episode #99 - The Truth About Abraham Lincoln - Part II Episode #162 - The Truth About Nixon's Closure of the Gold Window Episode #256 - The Truth About Executive Order 13848 Episode #266 - The Truth About the Ends Justify the Means Episode #270 – The Truth About the Political Spectrum Episode #275 – The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Education Grab your Truth Quest Merchandise at The Truth Quest Shirt Factory: With each shirt design there is an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will further deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. Don't worry! You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  Good luck! And thanks for supporting the Truth Quest Podcast! Join the conversation at The Truth Quest Facebook Fan Page Order a copy of one of my books, Pritical Thinking, The Proverbs Project, The Termite Effect. The Truth Quest Podcast Patron Page

The Truth Quest Podcast
Ep. 275 - The Truth About the Abolishment of the Department of Education

The Truth Quest Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 14, 2023 19:15


The Department of Education is an unconstitutional federal agency. Congress should defund and abolished it today! Show Notes Instagram  |  Truth Social  |  GETTR  |  Twitter  |  GAB  |  Rumble  |  BitChute -------------------------------- Episode #3 - The Truth About the Constitution - Where in the Constitution? Episode #23 - The Truth About Nullification Episode #43 - The Truth About the Federalist Papers - Part I Episode #44 - The Truth About the Federalist Papers - Part II Episode #45 - The Truth About the Federalist Papers - Part III Episode #120 - The Truth About the Tenth Amendment Grab your Truth Quest Merchandise at The Truth Quest Shirt Factory: With each shirt design there is an explanation of what to expect from those inquisitive or brave enough to ask you about it. In most cases there are links to podcast episodes that will further deepen your understanding of the importance of each phrase.  We hope you take the challenge of wearing these shirts in public and to family gatherings. Don't worry! You will be well-equipped with the rhetorical tools to engage in conversation and/or debate.  Good luck! And thanks for supporting the Truth Quest Podcast! Check out the "Few and defined; Numerous and indefinite" shirt partially inspired by this episode.

radinho de pilha
o segredo da felicidade, a ciência da coincidência, abaixo os bilionários?

radinho de pilha

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2023 52:32


What The Longest-Running Study on Happiness Reveals https://youtu.be/vSQjk9jKarg?si=ppOS3rnz2G-j_lFr Is Argentina the First A.I. Election? https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/15/world/americas/argentina-election-ai-milei-massa.html Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand https://www.europeana.eu/en/blog/assassination-of-archduke-franz-ferdinand The Science of Coincidence https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001slfs The Abolishment of Billionaires: Weighing the Pros and Cons | Intelligence Squared https://youtu.be/DG9td5zurIo?si=g5pL42jQXYWbXYkX canal do radinho no whatsapp!https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaDRCiu9xVJl8belu51Z meu perfil no Threads: https://www.threads.net/@renedepaulajr meu perfil no BlueSky https://bsky.app/profile/renedepaula.bsky.social meu ... Read more

TonioTimeDaily
The full story of my interest in sex work reformations, not sex work abolishment

TonioTimeDaily

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 12, 2023 66:51


“Decriminalization is the most supported solution by sex workers themselves.[14] The decriminalization of sex work is the only legal solution that offers no criminalization of any party involved in the sex work industry and additionally has no restrictions on who can legally participate in sex work. The decriminalization of sex work would not remove any legal penalties condemning human trafficking. There is no reliable evidence to suggest that decriminalization of sex work would encourage human trafficking.[4] New Zealand was the first country to decriminalize sex work in 2003, with the passage of the Prostitution Reform Act.[15] This is the most advocated for by sex workers because it allows them the most negotiating power with their clients. With full protection under the law, they have the ability to determine their wages, method of protection, and protect themselves from violent offenders. Sex work is one of the oldest professions in existence and even though sex work is criminalized in most places in order to regulate it, the profession has hardly changed at all over time. Those who work in sex trade are more likely to be exploited, trafficked, and victims of assault when sex work is criminalized.[16] Starting in August 2015, Amnesty International, a global movement free of political, religious, or economic interests to protect people from abuse, introduced a policy that requested that all countries decriminalized sex work.[17][18] Amnesty International stated in this policy that decriminalizing sex work would decrease human trafficking through promotion of the health and safety of sex workers by allowing them to be autonomous with protection of the government.[18] This policy gained a large amount of support worldwide from the WHO, UNAIDS, GAATW, and several others, but has not been adopted universally yet.[19][20][21][4][13][22]” --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support

First Take SA
HAITU calls for abolishment of private healthcare & implementation of NHI

First Take SA

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 19, 2023 8:59


The Health and Allied Workers Indaba Trade Union (HAITU) has called for the abolishment of the private healthcare system and the implementation of the National Health Insurance. The union believes the implementation of the NHI will guarantee quality healthcare for all South Africans. The NHI Bill was passed by the National Assembly in June. For more on this Elvis Presslin spoke to Rich Sacini, president of Haitu 

Illinois In Focus - Powered by TheCenterSquare.com
Illinois Democrats Celebrate the Abolishment of Cash Bail

Illinois In Focus - Powered by TheCenterSquare.com

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 22, 2023 24:00


Illinois Democrats celebrated the end of cash bail statewide on Monday while others worried about an increase in crime. The Safety, Accountability, Fairness, and Equity-Today, or SAFE-T Act, was approved by the General Assembly in January 2021. It makes several changes to the criminal justice system, including eliminating cash bail statewide, making it the first state to do so after being enacted on Monday. The Pretrial Fairness Act was supposed to go into effect Jan. 1, but was delayed by court challenges until two months ago when it was upheld by the Illinois Supreme Court. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/illinois-in-focus/support

Illinois In Focus - Powered by TheCenterSquare.com
Debate Continues Whether Abolishment of Cash Bail Will Help Victims of Crime

Illinois In Focus - Powered by TheCenterSquare.com

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 15, 2023 24:00


With the abolishment of cash bail coming to an end in Illinois Monday (Sept. 18), the debate continues on what the effects will be on victims, particularly of domestic violence. Under the new law as part of the controversial SAFE-T Act upheld by the Illinois Supreme Court two months ago, if a judge decides a defendant does not pose a public safety risk, then they will be released pending trial. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/illinois-in-focus/support

Aus Property Mastery with PK
LABOR to REMOVE Negative Gearing!

Aus Property Mastery with PK

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 10, 2023 22:41


The Labor Party is trying to Remove Negative Gearing. Again! This would be HUGE. I'll surprise you with my conclusion - no other property company will agree! In this episode we discuss:  The IMPACT of REMOVING negative gearing on property prices?  WHEN the policy could change and IMPACT on Australian RENTS?  Should investors PULL OUT of the market in 2023?  WHO will be most affected?  SHOCK: Whether I support negative gearing ABOLISHMENT?  This could completely change your thinking - it's detailed, data-driven, and educational for every single property investor.  Don't miss it! Discussion Points: 00:00: Introduction 01:38: What is negative gearing? 02:27: Negative gearing increases house prices 04:14: Labor's future agenda? 05:42: Who is negative gearing? 11:25: Should negative gearing be abolished? 14:44: Who is affected? 16:59: How likely is abolishment? 19:40: Conclusion         About The Host: Subscribe to Aus Property Mastery with PK for no BS, “straight to the point” property investing strategies and data-driven insights about the Australian housing market - the only property podcast not run by a “Buyers Agent”. You can listen to Aus Property Mastery on Apple Podcasts, Spotify & Google Podcasts. PK Gupta is the founder of the Property Investment Accelerator — Australia's #1 Rated And ONLY 100% Independent Real Estate Course & Mentorship Program that helps people achieve passive income through property investing using DATA, WITHOUT wasting months doing "research", spending weekends at inspections OR dropping $10-20k on Buyers Agents each time.   Resources: Watch FREE Trainings On Our Website

The JAYREELZ Podcast
Embiid's Return, Butler's Health, AD's Importance, Suns Done Leads NBA. Pesky Panthers, Upstart Kraken, More Leaf Pressure? Scherzer's Demise? Cashman's Plea To Fans. The Abolishment Of Horse Racing?

The JAYREELZ Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later May 4, 2023 61:12


The sports month of May is off to a flying start. Here to keep you apprised on all of that and then some, you know that I've got you covered as your trusted favorite little podcast host. On deck: (2:45) Unfortunately, I have a mea culpa before I kickoff the pod as there is some construction (or a woodpecker, I jest) that may be heard in the background for the first 10-15 minutes or so. If you're able to hear it, my sincerest apologies ahead of time. (3:20) The NBA Playoffs are officially in the second round. Newly minted MVP of the regular season, Sixers center Joel Embiid, returned to the lineup in Game 2 against the Celtics. Was it a good thing? Or should he have waited until Game 3 in Philadelphia? The Heat and Knicks are tied at 1-1. The big question is the health status of guard Jimmy Butler. Will he be in the lineup in Game 3? Denver is out to a 2-0 lead on Phoenix as the next two games will be in the Valley? Are the Suns done? Or can they still rise and be heard from? Then you have the Lakers-Warriors, with LA up 1-0 at the moment. Is Anthony Davis the key to the Lakers success and not LeBron James? (22:05) Things are heating up on the ice as the Stanley Cup Playoffs head into their second round as well. The Devils stepped up and disposed their bridge and tunnel rival Rangers on Monday. Could this be a long offseason for New York as so much was expected heading into this year? New Jersey got off to the same start they did against the Rangers, at Carolina in Game 1 last night. Vegas took a 1-0 series lead vs. Edmonton, despite sniper Leon Draisaitl scoring four goals vs. the Golden Knights. Those pesky Panthers did not let down after their overtime heroics in Boston as the won Game 1 north of the border in Toronto. Is the pressure mounting after just one game for the Maple Leafs, considering they finally got out of the first round since 2004? And the Kraken have continued their winning ways, winning in Dallas to get a leg up on that series. (34:29) Should Met fans (including yours truly) be concerned that Max Scherzer's best pitching days are behind him? I have quite a bit to say here, so you won't want to miss this. Yankees GM Brian Cashman had a state of the union on his ballclub, reassuring the fan base not to count them out. Was this necessary? I'll get into the latest of what's taking place on the diamond as baseball is more than a month in. (49:47) The first leg of Horse Racing's Triple Crown kicks off on Saturday as the Kentucky Derby is just about here. Unfortunately there's been some news recently about horses that have been euthanized over the past week over at Churchill Downs. Is it time to consider that this archaic sport needs to be abolished? Meanwhile, I will preview what I know about the 149th Running of the Roses. Will we see another long shot win such as Rich Strike did last year? Please subscribe, leave a rating and post a review on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spreaker, Stitcher, Spotify, Luminary, Amazon Music and iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. If you'd like to contribute to the production of the podcast, please visit my Patreon page at: www.patreon.com/TheJAYREELZPodcast   Many thanks for all of your love and support.   Intro/outro music by Cyklonus. LINKS TO SUBSCRIBE, RATE & REVIEW: APPLE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-jayreelz-podcast/id1354797894 SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/1gkdtgroTFlaqPW1EBjVDr SPREAKER: https://www.spreaker.com/show/the-jayreelz-podcast_2 STITCHER: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/jason-s-nazario/the-jayreelz-podcast iHEARTRADIO: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/256-the-jayreelz-podcast-43104270/ LUMINARY: https://luminarypodcasts.com/listen/jason-s-nazario/the-jayreelz-podcast/f9527dd9-47ea-4ed9-92cf-32af9bfa95ad?country=US SPOTIFY TRAILER: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7nZZlvPRAly5irLRSG2qxq?si=rTKCQKnZRNC_VK-_uIWNJA AMAZON MUSIC: https://www.amazon.com/The-JAYREELZ-Podcast/dp/B08K58SW24/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+jayreelz+podcast&qid=1606319520&sr=8-1 SPOTIFY PODCAST LINK: https://open.spotify.com/show/1gkdtgroTFlaqPW1EBjVD

Today's Tax Talk with Attorney Steven Leahy
IRS Under Fire: Senator Cruz Calls for Abolishment, Whistleblower Reveals Hunter Biden Probe Concerns

Today's Tax Talk with Attorney Steven Leahy

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 20, 2023 4:26


Wednesday April 19, 2023 - The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has come under increased scrutiny in recent weeks, with Senator Ted Cruz calling for its abolishment and an IRS supervisory special agent seeking whistleblower protection to share information about alleged mishandling in the Hunter Biden investigation. On Tax Day 2023, Senator Cruz criticized the IRS for what he perceives as the weaponization of the tax code and called for the agency to be abolished. He cited recent incidents, such as an IRS agent knocking on journalist Matt Taibbi's door on the day he was scheduled to testify before Congress, as evidence of the agency's continued harassment and political manipulation. Despite these concerns, the Biden administration and Democrats have allocated $80 billion in new funding to the IRS, potentially allowing for the hiring of up to 87,000 new employees. In a separate development, an IRS supervisory special agent has sought whistleblower protection to share information with Congress about alleged mishandling and political interference in the ongoing criminal investigation into Hunter Biden. The agent claims to have information that contradicts prior sworn testimony before Congress from a high-ranking political appointee, as well as examples of preferential treatment and political bias in the handling of the case. Attorney Steven A. Leahy raises questions about the IRS's role, transparency, and fairness in society, and have led to calls for reform to ensure that the tax code is applied fairly to all Americans. https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/19/politics/irs-whistleblower-hunter-biden/index.html https://www.cruz.senate.gov/newsroom/press-releases/cruz-on-tax-day-stop-weaponization-of-tax-code-abolish-the-irs --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/steven-leahy1/message

Great Speeches
Abolishment of War throughout the World. President William H. Taft.

Great Speeches

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 10, 2023 2:24


Original Recording:Abolishment of war throughout the world.by William Howard Taft, Twenty-seventh President, 1909-1913.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

BMI - Bicara Minggu Ini
Episode 35: Abolishment of Mandatory Death Penalty - Former Batu Kawan MP Kasthuri Patto

BMI - Bicara Minggu Ini

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 3, 2023 6:13


Malaysia unanimously passed the bill to repeal mandatory death penalty and natural life sentence at the Parliament today. After years of work, the bill was approved and paved the way to the reforms of criminal justice system in Malaysia. One of the prominent proponents of such law reform is Kasthuri Patto, former Batu Kawan MP, and she has worked closely with NGOs to push for these reforms. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/norman-goh/message

The Infinite Skrillifiles: OWSLA Confidential
Aftermath. (Unreleased) Sunnï Blū, -the kidd. {THE TIME CAPSULE}

The Infinite Skrillifiles: OWSLA Confidential

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2023 4:55


this is a cringeworthy read, i'm sure of it. {THE TIME CAPSULE] Here lies everything I won't delete, but wouldn't dare to publish (as of yet), and therefore banish to the land and/or realm of impossibility, where everything entirely consists of unimaginable, unfathomable, inconceivable, never-ever-happened ( or will) unexistence. Nothing Here Exists. Amen. (I didn't write this.) The Colenel's Jounal. “Would he be mad reading this shit? “ I mean. I have to step back at this point and admit to reading this shit to myself at this point, that... I stumbled upon an interview with none other than The Great Mike Tyson--who--if coincidences actually existed--coincidentally dated my mother oh-way-back-when. I remember the shenanigans she went through to get him to sign a pair of boxing gloves for an auction she hosted, once, when I was younger. For that, I've always gotten a little chuckle, whenever I've randomly ended up watching something. Dude is funny. As for other dude? I'm so lost. It's almost like Insomniac (or whoever) can read my thoughts--or at the very least, my text messages. It's been a year of strangeness, and I'm now more lost than found. Why is Pasqualle so strangely familiar? What is this connection, i'm missing? Who am I, if not S U P A C R E E? I'm aware of my cosmic insignificance, my societal displacement. I am nothing useful that I know of, but it seems so that I've been being followed. So maybe he's not a white supremacist, after all...he seems to love as much as I do--if not more. So, that one's my fault, as everything is. I wonder if the window of opportunity has truly closed. I wonder what to make of all this, at all. I'm so, so confused, and so lost, and so… ...confused... First, I levitated. Still can't get over that (literally) Then....everything else. Literally everything else. From playing drums at Ruskos set, to weirdly making my way to Excision, just “following a vibe”--my failed suicide attempt, and running away to Bass Canyon where, everything in my reality officially shattered. Now, here I am...about to be homeless, jobless, and lost in love. I can't shake it off anymore, I can't let it go. My brain's wrapped around all of it, all the time. Prayers, Mantras, Methods. I'm driving myself crazy trying to wish away the pain. I need to be...need to be… … Needed. Bearr needs me. Sometimes, in all the pain--I fail to see that. But he does--and if I can't make it in show business...how are we meant to survive? There's no room for depression and poverty in motherhood. After losing the twins...I just can't. I can't be sad and parent at the same time. And, maybe that makes me weak. Maybe it makes me stupid. Maybe I've just had enough. But there's nothing I wouldn't give just to know that there's love, somewhere out there for me. Is it selfish that that's all I want? I think i'm a good person, but maybe i'm wrong. I can account for hundreds of premonitions, predictions, visions--outstanding sensitivity to energy...but how could I misread, and misjudge, so easily? Something inside me never really made it out of that tent. Then, going back--maybe it was all of me, that never made it out of that ambulance. Am I just the special kid in class--and it's obvious I've been left behind? When I hear myself speak aloudt, I wonder if I am retarded. I feel other people also wonder. Either way, how would anyone have known about my musical history so broadly, as it's been displayed? There's no going back from it. I can't go back to being a regular “Skrillex” fan. It's almost like...almost like I can't go back at all. And I miss that, a lot--just being able to be honest about what my taste in music is, who my favorite musician is…. I tense up when I hear the word “Skrillex”. In good company, I can shrug it off, I guess…. But on any regular day, it still feels deep. It doesn't leave my mind, ever. I can pretend to move on, but I can't unlove. I can't unlove. So, i'm two-for-two...three-for-three, if you count Josh Pan's video, where his face swells up and he turns into a reptile… I remember waking up for work with swollen eyes, and bulging, puffy skin...the way the spiral to insanity began...not with suicide, at all--at least, in the traditional sense. I was working 80 hours a week. I needed it--I needed out of my marriage. Pasqualle's sweater Sonny's Sweater, now falling apart--because, yes--I've worn it every day for nearly a year. A red, white, and blue blanket, reminding me of my presidential ambitions--which have since, not faded...but become realistically reflected with this sense that, I have much to fulfill between now-and-never. I'll only run for President if I can afford it. I can only afford it if I am successful in music. I found it heartwarming that Mike Tyson is so enamoured by the culture. To see him swell with joy, such as I have, upon discovering the world of raves. Apparently, there will be some kind of permanent Oasis, someday...I hope I live to see it. Better yet, I hope I live to play there. I want my chance on all the stages, as selfish as it may seem. To earn a place behind the decks, an unrealized dream. But, can I find it to become all that it takes? To read and move a room, to create and connect with people, live onstage. To inspire a crowd--telling a story with music. To give love, the best way that I can. I miss myself...but no I don't. I do miss never having to worry about whether I was too fat to be found attractive by someone I vehemently admire--but never thought about sexually, in all of the years i've loved watching him live. But, its a vibe. Much ado about Elon Musk. I'm not smart enough to become a rocket scientist--and it's too late for me to become an astronaut, as I once dreamed...but there's something in the space above us all, that seems to connect the space between us all--and it's almost as is the walls are caving in. Time and space continues to collapse upon itself. I might be broken forever...but then, I always was. Who'd have thought the Grand Prize for your third suicide attempt is a Skrillex? I'm cursed, in the way that...it won't fall off. My brain won't un-Sonny itself. I'm on default to give a fuck now, and there's no turning back. I guess this is what I get for hating on *fangirls*...now i am one. Problem is, I'm a lot less cute. How often does shit like this happen? There's hypnosis through music--and then there's losing your entire soul to something outside of yourself. Why and how am I so out of place, in this world? ‘You're too good for this world.' Nothing's been forgotten, it's just getting more suppressed. I can pretend to move on, but I won't. I just found the Holy Mecca of research for my weird, invasive project. Apparently DeadMau5 had some kind of comedy show, or something--called “coffee run” It seems to be about...2014, but haven't bothered to check yet--I'm sure, though that this predates the infamous ‘fued'. Blah blah blah--i'm learning too much about these people. People. Real people. ...was interrupted to watch the new episode of Rick and Morty; Lucky me. One half-hour and several belly-rolling laughs later, I'm back...with slightly more self confidence that, if The Heavens grant me whatever kind of combination of confidence and focus that it will take to bring the Festival Saga If nobody's sampled this video, I've stumbled upon a literal goldmine. Life imitates art--and music imitates music. “I love it when it's super sweaty.” (How do I resonate with this so well?) “ A Los Angeles Real Estate Guy In Torono”, says Dillon. “Yeah, there's a few of those.”, Joel recants, stoically. Now i'm watching people who never mattered on YouTube, in a finally “Sonny says…” If i can ever make my brain learn the magic that makes something like Ableton somehow turn into a banger. “Does he drive?!” I've wondered this myself. “I don't think he does.” I knew it. Dillon Francis' awkwardness is reminiscent of mine...again, here I am wondering...who I might be if I were born a white male--if nothing was changed, but the body. CRUSTPUNKS. How did I get here? Oh, yeah. I specifically opened an incognito window to...fuck it. I know what I'm here for. The thing is, I don't know what i'm blessed with. I don't know that i'm talented… It could all just be a Grand Delusion… Do I hate myself enough to try this? A movie where the entirety of the fabric of [my] universe is music, and the musicians that make it. A universe that already existed in the Multiverse of Rick and Morty, since it's strange inception into my being. Wait, how the fuck did I get here? I was already on a writing tangent Probably--I hate enough to “ i get to go home--not tomorrow, but the next day” This experience is becoming so humanizing. It is a job, this music shit--Touring takes you everywhere but home. What the fuck is ‘home?' Perhaps I am meant for this shit, after all. I don't have a home, anyway. I also don't have any music under my belt, but--with any luck, I can pump out the LP I promised my twins. Today Marks 5 years since Skyy passed away. May 23rd will be 2 years, since Phoenixx left us. It's not a good time of year, for grief. With no friends I can trust (Annie's Toxicity is again rearing its head), no family that loves me the way a family should...I find myself completely isolating from what Love is, almost forgetting what it might have felt like. “How often are you home?” “KAAAAHHHHHHHHHN” If i'm ever lucky enough to learn how to make Dupstep--that deserves to go before a fucking deadly drop. I've officially seen Skrillex more times in person than ever on video--which disincluded, of course, the tent incident--something I'm realizing that if I'm unable to catch up with myself in time, I'll have to live with forever. Can I answer my own prayers? At this point, i've given up any expectation of what it might be like to achieved enough to earn any kind of place in that world *their* world... 5/6/2020 Life is unfair sometimes. Like--do I want tacos, or divine inspiration? Do I put off fasting for yet another day, just for the temporary comfort and satisfaction of eating? Does limiting my eating to once every 24-hour-or-less suffice as enough of a self-sacrifice, that my prayers might be answered? I highly doubt that it is, but still--I often ride the line between just allowing myself to feel good when I can (and food does, make me feel so....so good) and remaining steady in my fasting. Then, it has been over 6 months of almost constant fasting and praying, all over someone I haven't properly met--all over myself. Because, the longer I stay in this mindset--the clearer it becomes that it is all the same. At the core, there's only really one thing in existence. Skyy will have passed away 5 years ago tomorrow. To think, I should have had 5-year-old twins. They would have been so beautiful; I've never quite imagined them so, umti now. I miss my babies so much. Will I ever be okay again? I thought to record a song for Skyy, but it would never be ready by tomorrow, in the perfect way that I would want it to be. I don't want to put out anything less than the best. I'm being as patient as I possibly can with teaching myself--but grow frustrated in my limitations. The only thing standing between me, and the tools I need to make the music I have...is me. (Really, it's money.) Lack of money is keeping me from being unstoppable. With unlimited money, I'd have a home--I could fully pay all 4-years of my tuition at UCLA….ny dream school. I'd study music, anthropology, astrology….maybe even engineering. I can't make myself prettier--but I can make myself smarter. Google University just isn't cutting it. I want to make a difference in the world by any means, and i'm trapped behind the gate of poverty. I just want a closet full of harem pants, chuck taylors, and T-shirts with stuff I like on them. I just want to wear my kandi every day. I just want to be behind the decks atop the stages of my favorite places… I want to be someone's favorite DJ. I want to be one of my favorite DJ's favorite DJ I, I, I… How selfish. What does the world need? Less people. Well, i'm honestly one-less, I guess, if I can;t make it in music, in art. If I can't make a decent living just by being myself...i'm not meant to live at all. That much is true--no life worth living includes waking up every day to go to a job I hate, that barely pays my bills. No life is worth living that Something strange happens to me when my favorite people go ‘live' on instagram Social Media, a young demon with whom I constantly evade, when I am not forcibly fighting to fit the status quo (which, I cannot.) Watching my social media right now is like the digital equivalent of “You can't sit with us.” I've grown attached to OWSLA like some sort of distant, imaginary family--only, I know this is something I've just embedded into my mind--the ultimate wishful thinking. Everything I do seems fragile, as if the grid I had discovered not only exists in the outer world, but also my inner--that everything I do, think, say, sing, speak makes a difference in what will happen moving forward. Reawakening my center has been difficult, saying the very least--I am almost paralyzed by negativity--made catatonic through senses with which I cannot control; My ‘home' life has become a hell where i'll-spirits and pitiful thoughts are cast about me--in reality, I have no home. In truth, I'm unsure that I have any purpose, either. It's all been bothering me… Now it's something that just hurts, like everything else. Add to the pain, subtract from willingness to live. Add to the trauma, subtract from the motivation to succeed. How much of my fault is this? Who did it? What is it for? Amongst the most otherworldly of theories, the possibility that extraterrestrials had actual involvement in removing Sonny from wherever he was supposed to be (Burning Man, albeit) and placing him where I was. I've wondered how else the dancing shadows cast against the canvas of the tent were so perfectly made-- ancient egyptian prophecies foretold as a light show, in the moments leading up to the one where the entirety of my being was shifted, in an instant. I dreamed of a B2B with Skrillex, and instead got a face-to-face with Sonny Moore. One, apparently, does not quite equal the other. Eight (or so) months later, and I've filtered through all the stages of grief--for all of the ways I had to lose him--as much as one could be lost, without actually dying. But, perhaps I am dead. My soul and spirit at least, are trapped, and tainted torturously from all I've come to gather. Running into the night, like a bat fresh out of hell, away from the visions I was forced to have from our exchange-- I can only imagine, had I acted any differently and stayed, rather than fled what else I may have seen. In only the few short moments we shared together...I was able to see more of his life than for anyone I've ever ‘seen' for, besides myself. To have, after only a few moments--seen both backwards into his past--and forwards into a seemingly shared future of some sort. I don't know what else to call this creepy psychic shit, other than “seeing”. To even call myself a “seer” would be a heavy title, I'd be too uncomfortable to claim. Still, vivid memories of the dude's past--and chilling premonitions of the future, have left me disgustingly sick with a concern that wholly did not exist, beforehand. But, when faced with the question: “What would it be like to actually lose him?” I fucking lost it. I've never taken well to celebrity deaths--perhaps, overly sensitive in ways that suite absolutely nobody--I just so happen to have fallen apart numerous times, upon learning of the passing of those i've long cherished. I collapsed fully at Michael Jackson's passing, scrolling through the African TV channels in disbelief, as I desperately searched for a News Channel in English to confirm that it was indeed, true. This was, of course, a couple years after I cried for hours with Back to Black on repeat in the wake of Amy Winehouses' death--going even further back, I can recall arguing with a classmate that Steve Erwin, another hero, was brave--rather than ‘stupid', and undeserving of his untimeley demise. A special place lies in my heart for the day I remember losing Robin Williams-- a weird memory which collides in the now, with my affinity for Skrillex music and the strange outer connectivity my emotions seem to have in the passing of those I wholeheartedly admire; I've shed tears for Whitney Houston, Prince--I've shed tears for all of them. But none so much as for Skrillex, who is [surprisingly] still alive… And I'm mad about it. I'm mad about it, because I was [partially] happy in my place, as a fan. I wasn't even the best fan, or the biggest fan (metaphorically speaking--physically, though--I probably hold a record of some sort.) I wasn't following his social media--I wasn't following his anything, honestly. I was just crossing my fingers that with every lineup released, I might find the name “Skrillex” plastered to the top of it, or standing out broadly against the other ‘S' names, if alphabetically presented. I'm mad about it, because I hate myself. I've been hating myself my entire life. But i've never hated that I loved Skrillex--in fact, I've always been quite proud, having watched the project skyrocket, as EDM penetrated pop-culture in the years following my college endeavors. Never really thought to think that at any point, we might be equals. We're not--outwardly, anyway. Inwardly, though? Fuck me. It's like I'm bound to it by the roots of the Tree of Life. Like something in my DNA was activated by an overabundance of Skrillex. I've undoubtedly, and by far crossed the threshold of having listened to 10,000 Hours of Skrillex, guaranteed. No calculations needed. Still, there are perhaps millions of others who share the same affinity--and at least a few thousands who are more outwardly obsessive than in. It works, when I need to know something I'd rather just ask Sonny myself, but can't--there's always a kid in the fan pool who has been quick to find whatever information I'm looking for, long, long before I've come to look for it. Poor guy. For almost an entire year, that's all I've really been able to think. ‘Poor guy.' Because, if the roles were reversed--and for whatever reason I decided to make my way into someone's tent at a music festival (I wouldn't) and I scared them into a shock, resulting in them fleeing away from me--I'd feel like shit. And, if I had been touring my entire life and watched the culture grow and morph into the nearly unmanageable able monster it has become--i'd feel like shit. If I had to watch an ambulance cart away someone in the crowd during one of my sets, I'd feel like shit. If I had to do a live set while I felt like shit, I'd feel like shit. and ...if some random fan fell head over heels in love with me, simply because I crawled into her tent, or made really good music, or made her feel some kind of way… I'd feel like shit. And that shit probably happens all the time. It's been 10 long years for me, with Skrillex-- but I can't imagine how long the last 10 years have been, as Skrillex. Now I think about all the shit DJs go through, being DJs….what's more, I've had to give in-depth thought to what it means to be a celebrity at all--what it might be like to have someone grow an obsession over you--unprovokingly. Although my ‘obsession' for this particular person can't technically be considered ‘unprovoked' (I was minding my own business, after all--and Skrillex was not on the lineup.) I can't help but feel for those in the limelight whose charisma and talent combined attract every type of creeper imaginable. I'm just the kind of creeper that wants to make music; any previous searches as an attempt to ‘get to know' Skrillex, previous to last August, originated in attempting to comprehend how to create such organic sounds--exploring and studying how intricately layered and carefully arranged each of my favorite sounds and songs were made. Piecing together how exactly an artist like such, had become as such. Now, i'm just entangled in self-doubt, as it seems the entire next generation is equipped with whatever skillset it takes to become an electronic musician. Self-doubt, as I fear that my body weight intimidated him as much as his presence intimidated me. Again: All me. All bad. I've nowhere to turn to to unleash this shit--it has to be a secret-- and even letting it slip to Annie in the isolation of the aftermath has felt like a mistake, since I allowed it to happen. Can I keep a secret? Ha. There are things that only I know, certainly. The premonition I did subtly speak of, I refused to unearth in detail, even to Annie. The other visions I was made to have, still my own secret; I've begun to wonder if, upon meeting Sonny, I would keep it to myself; I suppose that would depend on nature and context. But, I think about it every day. It is my first thought upon waking up, my final thought before coming to rest--it has permeated into the only dreams I ever have anymore--crowds my semi-waking thoughts as I toss-and-turn throughout the night; the amount of energy exchanged, the amount of concern that consumes me....lets me know that it is all apart of something far beyond my comprehension, far beyond my senses...far beyond any understanding of the universe that I may have. And, it hurts. As bad as it is for me, it's probably worse for him--IF he remembers any of it. Then, probably a seasoned drinker (lol, “probably”) There's a good chance that, well-- he does remember. Oh God no. If I could motion to be erased, I would. I've been trying to erase myself for the better part of a year, including and certainly not limited to August 4th--an attempt I can stand to think I had not fully recovered from by the time it all happened. What the fuck did happen? Though it can't be denied that each of us possesses some kind of magic--the origins of mine can be traced back, at least on one side. Powers I was ‘born with', as told by my father--something I only believed until I was old enough that it didn't make sense--and something I was forced to recognize once I was old enough that it did. I want to know what exactly it is that ties us... Where this love--which is what it is, undeniably-- originates. I've spent the better part of the last year praying and meditating, and attempting to loosen the knots in my stomach enough to self-soothe enough to settle that, at worst-- Sonny was just being a pretty white boy, looking for a good time--and I just became a victim by knowing how to have one. Alternately--how fuck fuck would he even know I exist? As i've stated, I was the epitome of a silent Skrillex fan, prior to all these spectacular occurrences. I may have, at some point online--said something about Skrillex being my Spirit Animal… (still true) But can't imagine what else might have been garnered in my attainable, tangible history, which would alert him of my existence at all. Then, with all the money in the world, you truly can do anything… And that's what I hate in all this. Him--having all the money in the world, and me, having none… The very thing that separates us from settlement, myself from closure. Really, the only thing I want. Closure. ‘I got love, fuck your money.' Sonny can be anyone--he's earned that right. He can be with anyone--deservingly so. I want for him the very best--and, knowing that I am not (physically, anyway) am dismissive of any judgement cast. I wouldn't want me, either--looks matter, I know. I just want to know what he means to me--in this lifetime, in this realm, in this reality. I didn't have to be moved from where I was to be inspired by him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being attracted to him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being connected through the music--I just always was. And it all came crashing down in a tent, at the bottom of the rabbit hole--where I lost my mind--after having already lost my soul, to something beyond the senses, long ago. I committed wholly and permanently to making music when Phoneixx died, almost 2 years ago. The point was never to sound like Skrillex, but rather to be like Skrillex, as an artist--but, after much speculative examination--I guess, I always was. I lost myself in the early days of Myspace. From First To Last rang through the hallways of my middle school's corridors. Chiodos carried me through the days of wrist-cutting and air-dust huffing, through the days of binging-and-purging, wishing I was prettier--and in the height of all that is the drama of living in my very own Teenaged Wasteland… The Rocket Summer was handed to me by the hands of an angel, as I transitioned out of awkward adolescent depression and into an almost-well-adjusted life at a performing arts school, as an aspiring musician, singer, dancer and storyteller… The dream that carried me out of Utah, and into the Heart of Hollywood at the age of 16… The dream I thought died, long ago. When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? Billie Ellish's spirit collided with mine, as the first time I heard her voice, I shattered inwardly, and shivered in the resonance that is the understanding of pain, born undoubtedly in love; I shuddered to think that someone so young could feel so devoid of the willingness to live, to move onward. My response upon first experiencing her music, of course, a genuine “...Is she ok?” Three little words. I tend to really mean them, any time I ask. “Are you OK?!” I blurted, as my entire self exploded into shock, as I immediately recognized the face I've known for years--and looked through the widened eyes of one so now devastatingly human--to something inside of myself. Something about my voice shifted him; He became a mirror for all my pain, all my doubt--all the shame I have, for all that I am-- my demons came straight to the surface. Voiceless, now, and shielded in the fetal position, we faced each other silently. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Sorry.', I thought loudly, as I lay panicking. I stared down into my chest, ashamed to be anything but invisible, thoughts racing. I dare not lift my head to look at him. My heart pounded, as I lay screaming silent apologies for my appearance--for my very presence, for my own existence. I couldn't process his presence in my reality. Choking back tears, I tried not even to so much as breathe, as I silently apologized for being born--and though I wanted nothing more than to reach out to hold him, I lay all-but-lifelessly--wondering what went so wrong that he would seek to find me. The familiar smell of liquor permeated the air, as my heart sank, throbbing as it pounded...I know an alcoholic, when I smell one. I did actually wonder if he was okay....(and I've been wondering daily, ever since.) But clearly, he wasn't okay. Clearly, I wasn't. Clearly, nobody's ok. He slipped his praying hands between my thighs, as I died inside--and all my outer senses blended to become all, and nothing at once, again. Exit Skrillex, Enter Sonny. How does a mere peasant earn a spot in the company of the Highest Priest? I've not bargained with the Devil, but begged the Heavens that my life would end before his...the First Fast emerged as a direct result of self-sacrifice; To serve as a protection against misjudgement--to realign my soul with it's true intensive purpose--in hopes that my body would shrink to form something suitable. The memory of his hands between my thighs, a haunting reminder that--I just may be too big for him… The reality is...of all that I am, and all that I have, and all that I wish to be...it just may be that--he's too big for me… metaphorically speaking. I'll have to become a damn-near Superstar, just to get to know the people--that know the people--that know the people, that know people who can connect me to Sonny, on any level. I'll have to get in line behind millions of other hopeful DJ's, producers, singers, dancers, songwriters--hundreds of thousands of entertainers who might kill-or-die to get to know Skrillex in any way-shape-or form. Romantically, I'd be competing against at least a million perfect-bodied beauty-queen fangirls who would do anything--and I mean anything--for their shot at Skrillex. The truth is, I'm not trying to get to know Skrillex; The truth is, i'd rather know Sonny. (Whatever that's supposed to mean, right?) I don't question at all our potential compatibility; there's no doubt in my mind that there's some chemistry between us--be it of ancient origin, an extra terrestrial genetic code, or otherwise...but I'd bet any money I actually had, that someone as highly regarded as Skrillex would be ridiculed, trolled, and tremendously hated by many, many fans--for associating with someone like me. I don't even know if it's like that--but, again--crawling into someone's tent is...kind of intimate. What in Heavens would one want with me, when he could have perfection-- Absolute perfection? I kind of get it. I'm used to being fetishised. I've always been the black girl who liked white guys--I've lead a life that's made it easy to learn that Jungle Fever is often taboo among the White Caucasion men who find black women attractive enough to fuck--but would never want to “date” us, or bring us home. I've learned that--at the end of the day-- most white guys, want white kids--even if they like to fuck black girls. Then, there's the added bonus of some genetic flaw which has allowed my body to at one point, have ballooned up to 380 pounds-- a body which, even after a 200+ pound weight loss, would disgust anyone with eyes, in what most would consider “cute rave attire”. And, although shrinking from a size 28 to a size 10 is somewhat of a ‘grand' achievement, I look like an asymmetrical potato sack with my clothes off. If there's anything I know about men--and especially the affluent ones--they love to have trophies to showcase. I've yet to see a body like mine on the red carpet, or as arm candy--or as the leading lady, anywhere. No, there's no such thing as a fat Cinderella. Still, he's one of the most handsome creatures i've ever seen-- undoubtedly one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet. I will continue to love what I know of him wholly and unconditionally. On my best days, I even hope to live long enough, and well enough to have the honor of properly meeting him. Never could I have the courage to ask him on a date--nor would I subject him to the cruelty of the outer world by alluding to the fact that he may, in fact be someone more important to me, than as just a musician--as with anyone i've ever loved, I only want for him the best. On my worst days, The Devil assures me that it was Annie he was really looking for, who he may have seen me with at the plethora of festivals we attended together last year--or perhaps, even Idania, who was supposed to have been there with me…and it would make sense. The Devil also constantly reminds me of how much prettier they both are than me--and better in every way. But, it was long ago that I came to terms with the fact that anyone who might come to love me--would also love Annie and would love her more thoroughly--her, having the more attractive body and face, being more ideally pretty. Standing next to Annie, I always lose. Even on a good day. All this, I can be sure to cast aside, however--because at the very best--he was looking for me, and everything between then-and-now builds into something of substance or significance… and at worse, my favorite figure in music absolutely hates me, and regrets my existence as much as I do. Either way, Skrillex hits hard any time of the day, any day of the week. And… Either way, Sonny hits home, all day, every day--until I can manage to learn to speak. Eight pages later, and it still hurts. Eight pages, and i'm still mad. I'm still crying. I'm still useless. I'm still stuck. Stuck on stupid. Stuck on Sonny. Stuck on Skrillex. Just… Stuck. And it hurts. 5/5 Another day. Nothing makes me hate myself more than waking up. ‘Don't look at the phone.' instructions, handed to me some time ago by the Divine--since then, I make it a point not to look at my phone, if I can help it, before I've sat up to pray, and meditate. Lately, I've been unable to relax at all enough to focus on a proper meditation, before realizing my actual self-worth (nothing), and falling into the depressive non-motion that has been me. How many evil men will it take being caught in the midst of, will it take for me to realize that I've been allowing myself to painfully absorb their essences, even without a single touch? Just living here alone has set me further back from my goals than I was--then--I'm beginning to feel that my ‘roomate' may have ties to White Supremacy; the evidence does just keep on building. It has occured to me that Jason's warning that Nick may be deep undercover for some Government agency is most likely true. Though I err on the side of not snooping through other peoples' things--I've happened to stumble across indicators which point to the likely case that he is, in fact, hired by the government or some other private entity--probably as part of some secret experiment, assigned to psycologically torture and disable mentally fragile individuals; It seems as though the experiement was designed in order to test morale, will power, self-control, and proper judgement-- tests which I've been concious of, but in the moment have not always cared about passing-or-failing. From the painful assortment of disgusting and obnoxious sounds make throughout the day, torturing me through unpleasant and peace-shattering sounds, left victimized by my synesthesia and recently pinpointed misophonia--or something similar...whatever it is that makes slamming doors, cabinets, and the items crashing to the floor after lazily being thrown across the room methods of torture. To the cavalcade of poisonous, sugary and addicted substances, which only seem to appear or are offered during crucial fasts--or, pushily and passive-aggressively left in my living space without asking whether or not i'd like any. Just left there, to be discovered upon finishing a shower, or returning from a nightly walk. And on days when I am actually hungry, or needing to eat? I am offered nothing. Only when I fast am I ever offered any sustenance. It says almost too much about my roomate as a person--to offer every time, or never at all would be acceptable, and understandable--but to only invite one to eat when one feels so ‘inclined' is beyond cruelty. It's privilege showing itself to be one of the only faces uglier than mine, that i'm aware of. While i've elected to use my headphones as a shield, life's not always easy immersed in a sound bath of isochronic tones and Theta Waves--and though it does excite me to have expanded my music library, with additions and updates I've been longing for ages-- it's almost more stressful to think about the amount of music that I don't have. Songs I would add to my “sets”, if you can call them that. If I can call myself a DJ--if I can call myself a person, anymore. Really, all I am is hurt feelings and trauma wrapped in flesh; I might be less of a person than I ever was, once. Everything costs--whether it be money, the world's currency--or time, the currency of the soul. Torturous is the life of an artist, who cannot herself make ‘art', as she sees fit. Everyone in Hollywood has a screenplay in their back pocket; Everyone in LA has a dream, two-to-three-jobs, and a side hustle--and me? I'm just learning to DJ to self-soothe, having given up hope of ever becoming anything greater than the happiest guest at the rave nearest you. It's harder than it looks….(or, maybe it isn't, and i'm just retarded.) Building a music collection worthy enough to grace the decks in any of my favorite venues, is an arduous task--maybe this is why all the popular DJs are pretty white boys--the proof is in the privilege. Money, money, money...I used to make plenty of it, and was always exhausted--now I make none, and am always exhausted. What's worth what cost? Time = Money. In LA, and in the world. But by anyone's definition--and especially mine--LA is the world. Or, at the very least, sets the tone for the world. Truly, nothing is free. DJing is more expensive than I could have ever imagined--once again, in any direction I turn, there's a ladder to climb. I've not got the time or energy left in my sadly depleting lifesource left to storm gates, crawling over heads and cutting down those in my way. While it's certain that ‘Competitive Greatness' is the key atop the Pyramid of Success, there are 14 other bricks below to lay the foundation of that which one might call success, to be garnered as imagined through the eyes of a man, anyway, who lived in the 1930's. John L. Wooden may have been right--and may still be right--if I were a standard male (we'll leave race out of it, for now…..for now.) Still, i've been using the Pyrimid of Success as a guidepost, in what it is exactly I may have to do, or be, in order to become something. Not even something great, just something. Perhaps, if I can make it to being something, eventually I might become someone. Oh, to be a person would be nice. For now, I'll just have to settle on tricking my useless sack of anatomy into being a DJ. There's nothing outside of it, anymore. Bass Canyon truly was my last rave--not that I enjoyed it, honestly. Though I've attempted to retrain my brain around the trauma which resulted from that weekend, it did serve as a turning point--a sort of going-away party, as I departed from my home as a no-holds-bar Kandi Kid. Happy Graduation, OG Raver! Little did I know that, with the multidimentionality of our universe, I would be presented, through the world of possibility--the ability to at least observe with the naked eye that there lie more beyond the decks-- a space that may have been made for me. I'll never forget the moment I knew I would be a DJ--or at least try, for the life (or the death) of me. Electric Daisy Carnival changed my life--an experience ten years in the making that catapulted me into the depths of my wildest dreams--unbeknownst to me that I hadn't yet the ability to swim, in such that is the tempest of my own subconscious mind. But--that part of this story deserves its own dedicated elaboration; For now, i'll only look back--and realize that it was there that I aligned with my highest self in the truest sense, that, at least then, I actually believed that I could become a top DJ. I've lost the flight to stay afloat in the salty sea that is the millions of other people trying to make it to the mainstages of our favorite places, and begun to sink into the reality of the entertainment industry as a whole...the reality of the world, as a whole anymore. Looking around at the world's top DJs is less encouraging and inspirational than it should be. Nearly every headliner looks like every kid who ever bullied me, every guy who ever turned me down--every kid hosting the party I wasn't invited to. As for the females of the bunch--I find it frustrating that not one yet has been of any color other than yellow--and even then--we all know the world's men love Asian women. While I can admire girls like Rezz and Allison Wonderland--I wonder what kind of career, if any, if either of them were black, or heavyset--or, my losing genetic combination: Both. Would a fat Allison Wonderland have ever made it into the industry? Would a black Rezz ever become a staple in bass music, and rave culture? If Softest. Hard had a pot belly, would she have been discovered? Then, there are up-and-comings beyond my complete comprehension--those who are visually appealing, but musically inept; I'll leave out any names, and still salute them--anyone who can wrap their brain around any standard DAW enough to make an entire song, is absolutely more talented, definitely more intelligent than I am. [I'm not.] But, I can't help but wonder: How easy was it for any of them, being so pretty, to learn to do what they do--just by being kind and asking a friend for help to learn production? In so many years of raving, I've watched beautiful girls get pulled backstage--and even pulled on stage, to connect with the artists and VIPs. I've been brought to tears as I've watched rude girls with porcelain faces caked in makeup be lifted over rails into the promised land, picked to be plucked by just her eyes and smile combined with the perfection of a flat and flawless stomach. Pretty girls always get priority. Me? Well, I get the dead eyes of the drunken DJ, staring down at me through his whiskey glass, as he beckons the stagehands to assist the perfect-bodied princess backstage...but i'm only front-and-center so I can feel the music move, and watch all the energy bounce around, matching the movement of the expert's hands on deck, to the waves of sound colliding with the rest of the world. True, my mind might wander to what wonderful experiences await the perfect princess, as she disappears behind the decks, into a world i've yet to know, but only seen: The life I know exists beyond the rails, beyond the decks...the world I can only wish to build, for myself. Big ugly black girls don't get pulled backstage. Big ugly black girls are token ancillary characters, it seems, in the plot which writes the story of the modern rave. In a sea of new-generation ravers raised by Kim Kardashian and YouTube makeup tutorials--left lost in a torturous chamber of perfection--women who can wear anything, beautifully. Women who get whatever they want, whenever they want--because they know they can; 10's, to my -3. Bottom Line: Looks matter, until all the men in the world go blind. Sad-but-true. I move not to objectify the women whose music and movement through the clearly sexist music entertainment industry. God only knows how hard each of them has worked to earn a spot so highly ranked amongst those to whom we all admire--the legends, the greats. Each woman behind the decks has become a reflection of everything I wish I ever was--but also a painful reminder of everything that I am not. Of every girl i've ever come behind. Perhaps, this is the result of growing up the as the only ‘black girl', in the backwards, racist po-dunk town I was transplanted into: A place where I spent years constantly being told, taught, and trained that it was more admirable to have light skin, blonde hair, blue eyes...then again, The Media has always done a particularly good job at creating and maintaining what the ideal beauty standard should be, or is--and an excellent job of perpetuating stereotypes. People never expect me to sound how I do, or to like what I like--because it's “white people stuff”; and ten years ago when I discovered raving, there wasn't another black girl (or boy!) in sight for miles, at any rave I went to. I was the oddity, the token--the “what the fuck” person, in an already entirely what-the-fuck place. Fast Forward to 2020: My Freshman Year as a DJ. And...as it appears, the world behind the decks is just as non-diverse as the dancefloor was when I first began this escapade through the world of immersive music. Do I want to be the first ethnically-bred Female DJ to reach the top? OF COURSE. Can I? It's not up to me. Now I'm confusededly caught in the web that is rumours circulating of an ongoing race-war, and wondering if I've been left to die smack-dab in the middle of it. Amongst currently living with a white supremacist (or, extremely ignorant and culturally intolerant biggoted racist at the very, very least.), it seems that White Superiority may be a driving theme amongst the Electronic Music Industry--that maybe the world I've rather grown up in, and come to love has more twists, turns, and dark alleys to look through than the obvious ‘secrets' that loom in the world of rave. All seeing is the eye that watches over all. Insomniac's crew is among one of the least racially diverse I've ever seen--if I were Pasqualle, I might think to at least try to make it look as though there were a plethora of ethnic backgrounds who work together to tie the knot holding together the world's biggest metaphorical kandi: Insomniac, the Kingdom of Mainstream rave culture. A global endeavor. I wonder how many i've come to admire--Pasqualle included-- are actually White Supremacists, masquerading in the power of positivity and their corporate capitalism, true beliefs and intentions. My curiosity about the man himself peaked during EDC weekend, after stumbling into sign after sign, symbol after symbol--of something I've aspired [in the past] to commit to, but also am wearlily aware of its adversity towards that of my kind; being firstly female, and secondly partially black. Now, I wonder--am I even allowed to enter into the world beyond the decks--or is that preserved for only women with perfect bodies, fair skin--attractive individuals? Does it belong only to those with money? Is there any possibility that there may be room for someone like me to enter the scene--or may only pretty girls with pretty bodies and pretty hair be allowed in the backstage world? Really, I just want to perform. I miss myself as a dancer, as a musician--as an actor, all together. I still wish I had continued on this path a decade ago, when--though weighing over 300 pounds--my confidence at least existed. Teaching myself to DJ has been one of the hardest things i've ever done; I don't know if I'm retarded, but I'm beginning to consider attempting to see someone for some kind of screening. If Paris Hilton can DJ, why is it so hard for me? If Sonny can dink around on a computer with a blown speaker, call himself ‘Skrillex' and make some of the world's most intricate music since that of Beethoven-- why can't I do the same? What makes the difference in all these YouTube tutorials telling me how to do it--and me actually being able to do it? What is it, that's wrong with my brain? But, it's all i've wanted for over a year--to be a DJ, at least. I've always been a musician; It's just been a stop-and-go, allowing for the rest of what has been my life to pass through between the times I could make music, and couldn't. I wish I had the positive support it takes to have encouraged me forward on the path I was already on, since I was 13--instead, I was told I was too fat (and too black) to succeed in the way I wanted to. 10 Years later and Lizzo is at the top of her game, while I beat myself up for losing at mine. Never could I have imagined a world where i'd see an album cover like hers; upon seeing it, I was not only shocked, but enraged: She was everything I was told I could not be. And the Truth Is: more than likely, someone told Lizzo the same thing I was told, and the difference is-- she didn't believe them, and kept moving forward. The difference is: She believed in herself, and loved herself enough to keep trying. The difference is, that everything I needed, I already had--I just never believed it to be so. I'm proud of her...but insanely jealous. My inner child cries “That should have been me.” Truth Hurts. There's more to it, than that; Envy lives in the cavernous pits deep within the confined Hell that is my subconscious mind--and--as the world begins to close in on itself, as consciousness continues expanding, I find myself fighting against the worst of my woes daily. Nowhere can I go without meeting a flawless, forward-figured, and facially exquisite female--rather than submit to catty jealousness, I have learned to admire and nod or bow as a gesture that I am a lesser creature. So now i'm left to wonder as I self-teach myself a trade, if my aspirations may ever be achieved, without possessing any outer beauty. All that's left in the world for me, now, is to become my own favorite DJ. (A title, of course, formerly belonging to Skrillex... ruined, by his untimely arrival as a physical person, into my actual life. More on that later...and infinitely.) I've lately begun asking myself “Is it really worth it?”...but, at the same time, I've never loved anything so much, as to fly on the wings of music--and so i've also wondered “What else will really make me happy?” Tough question. Ideally, I'm the entertainment Guru I always wished to be--not tied down to any one artform, but able to move about freely in all of them. There's no life without theatre--there's no light without entertainment. If living ideally, I could never be any-one-thing-- if living ideally, I am the embodiment of everything I love. But in a world where a snatched waist and a pretty face are a winning (and deadly) combination, I'm 0-0. Life of am ugly kid. Worse off yet, since even Hobo Johnson seems to have more confidence in his awkward and broken rhythms enough to speak his mind clearly enough for the rest of the world to resonate. Might be a good time to revisit, what it is exactly I came for. Perhaps, the answer is nothing: So far, I have nothing, make nothing, am nothing--if there is anything that I am, it's words on a piece of paper--just another ‘thing', another dreaming, wishful hopeful that I can rise above all that has been, and all that I am now...to become something more When training to match with the likes of the devil in preparation for battle against he, you must intend to figure, what the vehicle he has chosen has maintained to use as atool to help build you, as a Saint or an Angel--or one to break you, as Satan he. It has been a fruitful fas, but still i persist, though with a weary eye and curious mind, to the riddle i have yet been presente; ; Much ado about Chicken Soup. “Practice androgyny!” the two meet, immidiately fritening eachother; they transform-- One becomes dog, the other a cat--the cat begins to run. the dog pursues her. they run into a sunny meadow where a river feeds the wildlife and it is vibrant amongst the creatures; the cat climbs up a tree, and the [very friendly] dog stops at the base, looking up at her playfully, with an ask that she come down. She looks down from the tree at him, at a safe distance, and begins to relax on the I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? Dearest Sonny, I'm unsure quite how to explain myself to you--or if I can, or should explain myself at all.I guess I could start with “I'm sorry.”, but it's almost as if that doesn't quite cover it, and nothing does. Perhaps, i'll start with just “thank you”--thank you for being you--which is something that makes me more ‘myself' than anything, at best. Really though, that's probably a good place to start with the wholehearted apology I owe you; It cannot be easy being yourself, or navigating life with such prominence, importance--as I'm sure you never intended all that you are, as any gift-given may have come as a God-honest, and God-given surprise. That being said; God is only anything that I am --as is, anything that you are. The talent that you possess is insurmountably powerful...and has touched, changed, inspired millions--changing the world and the very fabric of time itself--no matter how unintentionally, in all your humility. Somewhere hidden, I too have talent. I only wish that in this lifetime, I were granted the confidence and charisma to be able to somehow express it. Music is the matter I find I am made of--without being able to express it, I only feel burdened, trapped. It is a beautiful language you speak--you, and the rest of the artists I've grown to admire. It is a language so soothing, I can only long to learn it; I'm afraid though that in this lifetime, too much time and opportunity has passed...in this modern, technologically fast-paced new world...i've been left behind. You are truly a good friend, indeed. In all the sense that it doesn't make, I honor you as someone who has inspired, motivated, comforted, and captivated consistently throughout my existence in this time, in this life; Though i've been in recent times, able to remember your essence in lifetimes past, it is in this lifetime that I find the most befuddling, how your music itself has seemed to find and follow me.Unexplainable, would be the word that I can most easily use to describe anything having to do with it--love, would be the other word. “I love you”, is, I guess, what I was trying to say by tapping you gently three times, before running away. Really though, there aren't many things I could have said, or done--i'd never really been “starstruck” before; but it would be quite a stretch to say that it was the first time I'd been left awestruck in your presence. Countless performances, club shows; Raves are my favorite, favorite thing--second to the feel, and sound of bass. “Synesthesia”, would be the vocabulary word that explained a lifelong fascination with laser lights and deep bass; in ten years of hugging subwoofers and losing myself in the drop wondering my early adulthood mantra “Why am I like this?” almost constantly, it never mattered more to me than it has now. I recall a time where I referred to Skrillex as my spirit animal--still true, I suppose, although considering the fact I've consciously separated the Skrillex of things from the Sonny Moore of it all. One in the same, or, two separate parts of a whole--I can undeniably say all my unconventional, unconditional “I love you, I love you, I love you's”, in the everything that you are. ‘In love', would be an understatement--though which statement to actually make, i'm unsure of. I'm unsure of a lot of things, really; I've made many honest (and dishonest mistakes) in this lifetime--walking away from you, one of them. But, I can't change that, anything about who I am--or anything about the world the way it is, for I am only one--and too small, too weak, and too tired. My soul wishes for the freedom that death will bring--and so, I must let it...as its simply much too hard to live moving forward with such a badly broken spirit. I want you to understand that it is not your fault; It's nothing to do with you, or anything that you've done--the way that I love is uncontainable, once the match has been lit. I apologize again that you've become a victim in the energy field that becomes somewhat of a vortex, once activated. I didn't mean to fall in love with you--I don't know really how it happened, it just did. Maybe you don't remember me. Maybe you do. It doesn't really matter now, I just want you to know that me leaving this life is no fault of yours. I love you wholeheartedly--wholeheartedly, too, I love myself--though, seemingly only from the inside-out; there's nothing I can do about the outer shell I've been trapped in all these years. This is my body; something I would neither burden nor embarrass you with. Apologies, and all my love to you. There's nothing I want for you more than to live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life--I hope that you and those surrounding you are always, always living in peace, with joy and love--without worry, or burden, or stress; in honesty, these arre my wishes for anyone on this planet..as my love for humanity itself has only seemed to quantify, as I near the end of my life. I love, love; sometimes, I believe that I *am* love, as are any of us--but as I draw nearer to the light, it becomes harder and harder for me to believe that anything else matters, or has ever mattered, more than love. I love you. It just may be that i'm the world's biggest Skrillex fan--but to look beyond the cloak of stardom has left me longing for the embodiment of a memorable, familiar soul: The you. The person, and being that actually is; which is to say--as I would for any of my closest friends--I'd go to hell-and-back for you, give my last for you, do anything to protect you--*you*, the person; wanting and needing, expecting nothing in the world--because I cannot see a world without you in it. I'm sorry again, for any negativity. I meant to leave you behind at least, something beautiful, in exchange for all the years and moment's i've experienced through your art--but as I've mentioned before, I am trapped within myself. Symphonies unsung, melodies unwritten--because I've not what it takes to make it. I won't depart without admitting I tried, Music is my all, my everything, my guiding light--so at least in going home, I know there will always, always be the World of Sound--perhaps Heaven in the place where I can live there. I don't know what else to say. You're one of the most beautiful people i've ever seen, from the inside out--before I saw you, I heard you; before I could hear you, you were felt. I will always love you...nothing much else can matter, except that you know that. I'll never be able to erase it from my mind, never be able to forget, or look past it. I may even never understand why. Ancient Egyptian knowledge, or whatever—is the thing it seems they were trying to convey. By they, I only mean—whoever it is that wanted to hurt me. From the men shouting “kill yourself” outside my window— To the flocks of gorgeous, perfect women with perfect waists, perfect fashion, perfect faces—flaunting and floating before me, taunting me, pointing and laughing—rolling eyes, and flipping hair— and giving looks that say “I know you wish you looked as good as me.” I do. I do wish that. I wish more than anything to be beautiful. But...I keep eating. My body is hideous. I hate everything about it. I could try harder, but even that hurts. Everything hurts. Especially my heart. Why was I not more panicked, that after such a phenomenon such as that, cast by shadows against my tent—that the zipper of the door began to move slowly, from one side to another. Perhaps, I wanted the company. Maybe I needed it. What I didn't need, was more excruciating pain. No one's fault, I guess—someone wants me dead. At this point, I think me, the most. I'll never forget that face. The shocker. “Why is Skrillex in my tent?” The looming question. A question I hadn't even the time to ask, before blurting out “Are you okay?!” He froze, I froze. I guess that's where my Skrillex and my Sonny collided, as my soul began the process of separating the music I adored, and the person who made it. I will never forget his eyes. Fear. I scared him. He scared me. He scarred me. Maybe it wasn't him. I know that it *was* in fact Sonny himself (the face is unmistakable, those eyes)—but perhaps he was put up to it. Paid, for the task. Maybe my deer-in-the-headlights makes it so that he is the hunter—? How could he have missed his shot? How could I have missed mine. I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? What medicine cures suicide? None I've taken, really—maybe Acid. Now, I can't seem to separate myself from Skrillex—or from Sonny—or from figuring out the two, or one in the same— or from figuring out myself, in that we are one in the same. I love him. Like a stupid teenager loves her favorite idol. Yeah, it's exactly like that, except worse—I'm a grown woman, a failure—whose aspirations and admirations are grandiose, and dillusional. Now I'm even more delusional. I thought, for a moment that Sonny might be in love with me. In honesty? Sometimes I still think that. I actually still believe that. So why this approach? I'm partially convinced he was paid to ‘finish the job', so to speak. I was already suicidal, and, fresh out of the hospital on the attempt to end my life that failed, again. So this would do it—make me hope and believe I could be something, someone, anyone—that I could be anything—even a superstar DJ-turned-future President. I'm a fucking joke. Someone, who could have anyone—in love with me? Maybe this is why people sneak into tents at music festivals: They don't love you— They just want to fuck. DAY 1: MAY 1ST, 2020; If I am offered dinner, will eat--but if not, will continue forward. Will set an alarm for 3:30 AM once roommate has gone to bed to check for his keys. Everyone gets their own suicide letter. Mom Dad Bearr Annie Yesenia Sonny (just leave it to Annie w/ his rock && burn book) Let everybody know it's not their fault. Reasons: 1. Fat 2. Ugly 3. Black 4. Poor 5. Unsuccessful 6. Friendless 7. No Charisma 8. Single I don't know why I numbered them. Do you really need more than one reason to kill yourself? (no.) I believe i”ve started the fast that I was asked. Be it that I have, the date is May 1st, 2020--however, I've been wondering if my roommate leaves the keys to his car in an accessible place; I'm kind of hoping so. I'm already craving to eat, and the first 24 hours have yet to pass. Again, i'm always given the open to keep this date and continue forward, so long that I eat before midnight--however, nothing seems like the right answer; The matter of fasting has become a damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don't matter...it seems that everything I do is ‘wrong', though right-and-wrong are subjective, and multidimensionally, objective, even. I probably might have been dead by now, if my car battery hadn't died...it seems like the easiest and least painful way; something easy and quiet. I've thought about sharpening a knife, just to cut and let [myself] bleed out at the wrist--but then, I fear that I may panic and that my mind would fight to survive. I've thought about hanging from one of my favorite trees-- but haven't the money left to buy any rope--which, perhaps, I could steal--but to steal enough rope to hang myself with on foot? A tricky task, to say the least. So, really, some of me is hoping my roommate leaves his keys out. At first, the thought of committing my suicide here was unsettling. My roommate, Satan's personal favorite vehicle and overall negative void of a ‘person' (or vampire, honestly), is a drama Queen--he needs not only conflict and drama to survive, but fiends for it; something in me had somehow become too proud to give him something to girlishly blabber about with his narcissistic, simple friends--I can already hear the repetitive exclamations of “horror” that would more-than-likely delight him as he recounts the story of finding my body, over-and-over...at first it rather haunted me, and now i've come to peace with--bargaining that having him find my body would be something of a statement, which wordlessly reads “sticks and stones may break my bones but words got up and killed me.” Words. Little words. Big Words. Actions. Gestures. If it's negative, I can feel it in my body, before it even happens; If it's positive, it can leave me radiating for days on end, and without a care. My “living situation” has been nothing more than a prolonging of my already disastrously failed and predominately miserable life. A mentally-ill and often psychotic mother, followed by a too- young marriage to a dynamically similar person, has left me up Shit's creek with no boat; I'm pushing 30 with no significant other, and no significance at all. There are generations of perfect people, fresh out of high school--who can and will do everything I ever thought possible or imaginable, better than me. And it's my fault. NO ENTRY ON DAY 2. Gave Myself A “Skrillex” haircut. Wow. Fuck my life. DAY 3: The fast will end today, more than likely. I am overwhelmed with grief, at loss for motivation, and struggling to believe there is any positive outcome to anything I do. I'm already getting headaches, and acute hunger pains--usually these things don't happen until well after the third day. I suppose my body is telli

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[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]
Aftermath. (Unreleased) Sunnï Blū, -the kidd. {THE TIME CAPSULE}

[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2023 4:55


this is a cringeworthy read, i'm sure of it. {THE TIME CAPSULE] Here lies everything I won't delete, but wouldn't dare to publish (as of yet), and therefore banish to the land and/or realm of impossibility, where everything entirely consists of unimaginable, unfathomable, inconceivable, never-ever-happened ( or will) unexistence. Nothing Here Exists. Amen. (I didn't write this.) The Colenel's Jounal. “Would he be mad reading this shit? “ I mean. I have to step back at this point and admit to reading this shit to myself at this point, that... I stumbled upon an interview with none other than The Great Mike Tyson--who--if coincidences actually existed--coincidentally dated my mother oh-way-back-when. I remember the shenanigans she went through to get him to sign a pair of boxing gloves for an auction she hosted, once, when I was younger. For that, I've always gotten a little chuckle, whenever I've randomly ended up watching something. Dude is funny. As for other dude? I'm so lost. It's almost like Insomniac (or whoever) can read my thoughts--or at the very least, my text messages. It's been a year of strangeness, and I'm now more lost than found. Why is Pasqualle so strangely familiar? What is this connection, i'm missing? Who am I, if not S U P A C R E E? I'm aware of my cosmic insignificance, my societal displacement. I am nothing useful that I know of, but it seems so that I've been being followed. So maybe he's not a white supremacist, after all...he seems to love as much as I do--if not more. So, that one's my fault, as everything is. I wonder if the window of opportunity has truly closed. I wonder what to make of all this, at all. I'm so, so confused, and so lost, and so… ...confused... First, I levitated. Still can't get over that (literally) Then....everything else. Literally everything else. From playing drums at Ruskos set, to weirdly making my way to Excision, just “following a vibe”--my failed suicide attempt, and running away to Bass Canyon where, everything in my reality officially shattered. Now, here I am...about to be homeless, jobless, and lost in love. I can't shake it off anymore, I can't let it go. My brain's wrapped around all of it, all the time. Prayers, Mantras, Methods. I'm driving myself crazy trying to wish away the pain. I need to be...need to be… … Needed. Bearr needs me. Sometimes, in all the pain--I fail to see that. But he does--and if I can't make it in show business...how are we meant to survive? There's no room for depression and poverty in motherhood. After losing the twins...I just can't. I can't be sad and parent at the same time. And, maybe that makes me weak. Maybe it makes me stupid. Maybe I've just had enough. But there's nothing I wouldn't give just to know that there's love, somewhere out there for me. Is it selfish that that's all I want? I think i'm a good person, but maybe i'm wrong. I can account for hundreds of premonitions, predictions, visions--outstanding sensitivity to energy...but how could I misread, and misjudge, so easily? Something inside me never really made it out of that tent. Then, going back--maybe it was all of me, that never made it out of that ambulance. Am I just the special kid in class--and it's obvious I've been left behind? When I hear myself speak aloudt, I wonder if I am retarded. I feel other people also wonder. Either way, how would anyone have known about my musical history so broadly, as it's been displayed? There's no going back from it. I can't go back to being a regular “Skrillex” fan. It's almost like...almost like I can't go back at all. And I miss that, a lot--just being able to be honest about what my taste in music is, who my favorite musician is…. I tense up when I hear the word “Skrillex”. In good company, I can shrug it off, I guess…. But on any regular day, it still feels deep. It doesn't leave my mind, ever. I can pretend to move on, but I can't unlove. I can't unlove. So, i'm two-for-two...three-for-three, if you count Josh Pan's video, where his face swells up and he turns into a reptile… I remember waking up for work with swollen eyes, and bulging, puffy skin...the way the spiral to insanity began...not with suicide, at all--at least, in the traditional sense. I was working 80 hours a week. I needed it--I needed out of my marriage. Pasqualle's sweater Sonny's Sweater, now falling apart--because, yes--I've worn it every day for nearly a year. A red, white, and blue blanket, reminding me of my presidential ambitions--which have since, not faded...but become realistically reflected with this sense that, I have much to fulfill between now-and-never. I'll only run for President if I can afford it. I can only afford it if I am successful in music. I found it heartwarming that Mike Tyson is so enamoured by the culture. To see him swell with joy, such as I have, upon discovering the world of raves. Apparently, there will be some kind of permanent Oasis, someday...I hope I live to see it. Better yet, I hope I live to play there. I want my chance on all the stages, as selfish as it may seem. To earn a place behind the decks, an unrealized dream. But, can I find it to become all that it takes? To read and move a room, to create and connect with people, live onstage. To inspire a crowd--telling a story with music. To give love, the best way that I can. I miss myself...but no I don't. I do miss never having to worry about whether I was too fat to be found attractive by someone I vehemently admire--but never thought about sexually, in all of the years i've loved watching him live. But, its a vibe. Much ado about Elon Musk. I'm not smart enough to become a rocket scientist--and it's too late for me to become an astronaut, as I once dreamed...but there's something in the space above us all, that seems to connect the space between us all--and it's almost as is the walls are caving in. Time and space continues to collapse upon itself. I might be broken forever...but then, I always was. Who'd have thought the Grand Prize for your third suicide attempt is a Skrillex? I'm cursed, in the way that...it won't fall off. My brain won't un-Sonny itself. I'm on default to give a fuck now, and there's no turning back. I guess this is what I get for hating on *fangirls*...now i am one. Problem is, I'm a lot less cute. How often does shit like this happen? There's hypnosis through music--and then there's losing your entire soul to something outside of yourself. Why and how am I so out of place, in this world? ‘You're too good for this world.' Nothing's been forgotten, it's just getting more suppressed. I can pretend to move on, but I won't. I just found the Holy Mecca of research for my weird, invasive project. Apparently DeadMau5 had some kind of comedy show, or something--called “coffee run” It seems to be about...2014, but haven't bothered to check yet--I'm sure, though that this predates the infamous ‘fued'. Blah blah blah--i'm learning too much about these people. People. Real people. ...was interrupted to watch the new episode of Rick and Morty; Lucky me. One half-hour and several belly-rolling laughs later, I'm back...with slightly more self confidence that, if The Heavens grant me whatever kind of combination of confidence and focus that it will take to bring the Festival Saga If nobody's sampled this video, I've stumbled upon a literal goldmine. Life imitates art--and music imitates music. “I love it when it's super sweaty.” (How do I resonate with this so well?) “ A Los Angeles Real Estate Guy In Torono”, says Dillon. “Yeah, there's a few of those.”, Joel recants, stoically. Now i'm watching people who never mattered on YouTube, in a finally “Sonny says…” If i can ever make my brain learn the magic that makes something like Ableton somehow turn into a banger. “Does he drive?!” I've wondered this myself. “I don't think he does.” I knew it. Dillon Francis' awkwardness is reminiscent of mine...again, here I am wondering...who I might be if I were born a white male--if nothing was changed, but the body. CRUSTPUNKS. How did I get here? Oh, yeah. I specifically opened an incognito window to...fuck it. I know what I'm here for. The thing is, I don't know what i'm blessed with. I don't know that i'm talented… It could all just be a Grand Delusion… Do I hate myself enough to try this? A movie where the entirety of the fabric of [my] universe is music, and the musicians that make it. A universe that already existed in the Multiverse of Rick and Morty, since it's strange inception into my being. Wait, how the fuck did I get here? I was already on a writing tangent Probably--I hate enough to “ i get to go home--not tomorrow, but the next day” This experience is becoming so humanizing. It is a job, this music shit--Touring takes you everywhere but home. What the fuck is ‘home?' Perhaps I am meant for this shit, after all. I don't have a home, anyway. I also don't have any music under my belt, but--with any luck, I can pump out the LP I promised my twins. Today Marks 5 years since Skyy passed away. May 23rd will be 2 years, since Phoenixx left us. It's not a good time of year, for grief. With no friends I can trust (Annie's Toxicity is again rearing its head), no family that loves me the way a family should...I find myself completely isolating from what Love is, almost forgetting what it might have felt like. “How often are you home?” “KAAAAHHHHHHHHHN” If i'm ever lucky enough to learn how to make Dupstep--that deserves to go before a fucking deadly drop. I've officially seen Skrillex more times in person than ever on video--which disincluded, of course, the tent incident--something I'm realizing that if I'm unable to catch up with myself in time, I'll have to live with forever. Can I answer my own prayers? At this point, i've given up any expectation of what it might be like to achieved enough to earn any kind of place in that world *their* world... 5/6/2020 Life is unfair sometimes. Like--do I want tacos, or divine inspiration? Do I put off fasting for yet another day, just for the temporary comfort and satisfaction of eating? Does limiting my eating to once every 24-hour-or-less suffice as enough of a self-sacrifice, that my prayers might be answered? I highly doubt that it is, but still--I often ride the line between just allowing myself to feel good when I can (and food does, make me feel so....so good) and remaining steady in my fasting. Then, it has been over 6 months of almost constant fasting and praying, all over someone I haven't properly met--all over myself. Because, the longer I stay in this mindset--the clearer it becomes that it is all the same. At the core, there's only really one thing in existence. Skyy will have passed away 5 years ago tomorrow. To think, I should have had 5-year-old twins. They would have been so beautiful; I've never quite imagined them so, umti now. I miss my babies so much. Will I ever be okay again? I thought to record a song for Skyy, but it would never be ready by tomorrow, in the perfect way that I would want it to be. I don't want to put out anything less than the best. I'm being as patient as I possibly can with teaching myself--but grow frustrated in my limitations. The only thing standing between me, and the tools I need to make the music I have...is me. (Really, it's money.) Lack of money is keeping me from being unstoppable. With unlimited money, I'd have a home--I could fully pay all 4-years of my tuition at UCLA….ny dream school. I'd study music, anthropology, astrology….maybe even engineering. I can't make myself prettier--but I can make myself smarter. Google University just isn't cutting it. I want to make a difference in the world by any means, and i'm trapped behind the gate of poverty. I just want a closet full of harem pants, chuck taylors, and T-shirts with stuff I like on them. I just want to wear my kandi every day. I just want to be behind the decks atop the stages of my favorite places… I want to be someone's favorite DJ. I want to be one of my favorite DJ's favorite DJ I, I, I… How selfish. What does the world need? Less people. Well, i'm honestly one-less, I guess, if I can;t make it in music, in art. If I can't make a decent living just by being myself...i'm not meant to live at all. That much is true--no life worth living includes waking up every day to go to a job I hate, that barely pays my bills. No life is worth living that Something strange happens to me when my favorite people go ‘live' on instagram Social Media, a young demon with whom I constantly evade, when I am not forcibly fighting to fit the status quo (which, I cannot.) Watching my social media right now is like the digital equivalent of “You can't sit with us.” I've grown attached to OWSLA like some sort of distant, imaginary family--only, I know this is something I've just embedded into my mind--the ultimate wishful thinking. Everything I do seems fragile, as if the grid I had discovered not only exists in the outer world, but also my inner--that everything I do, think, say, sing, speak makes a difference in what will happen moving forward. Reawakening my center has been difficult, saying the very least--I am almost paralyzed by negativity--made catatonic through senses with which I cannot control; My ‘home' life has become a hell where i'll-spirits and pitiful thoughts are cast about me--in reality, I have no home. In truth, I'm unsure that I have any purpose, either. It's all been bothering me… Now it's something that just hurts, like everything else. Add to the pain, subtract from willingness to live. Add to the trauma, subtract from the motivation to succeed. How much of my fault is this? Who did it? What is it for? Amongst the most otherworldly of theories, the possibility that extraterrestrials had actual involvement in removing Sonny from wherever he was supposed to be (Burning Man, albeit) and placing him where I was. I've wondered how else the dancing shadows cast against the canvas of the tent were so perfectly made-- ancient egyptian prophecies foretold as a light show, in the moments leading up to the one where the entirety of my being was shifted, in an instant. I dreamed of a B2B with Skrillex, and instead got a face-to-face with Sonny Moore. One, apparently, does not quite equal the other. Eight (or so) months later, and I've filtered through all the stages of grief--for all of the ways I had to lose him--as much as one could be lost, without actually dying. But, perhaps I am dead. My soul and spirit at least, are trapped, and tainted torturously from all I've come to gather. Running into the night, like a bat fresh out of hell, away from the visions I was forced to have from our exchange-- I can only imagine, had I acted any differently and stayed, rather than fled what else I may have seen. In only the few short moments we shared together...I was able to see more of his life than for anyone I've ever ‘seen' for, besides myself. To have, after only a few moments--seen both backwards into his past--and forwards into a seemingly shared future of some sort. I don't know what else to call this creepy psychic shit, other than “seeing”. To even call myself a “seer” would be a heavy title, I'd be too uncomfortable to claim. Still, vivid memories of the dude's past--and chilling premonitions of the future, have left me disgustingly sick with a concern that wholly did not exist, beforehand. But, when faced with the question: “What would it be like to actually lose him?” I fucking lost it. I've never taken well to celebrity deaths--perhaps, overly sensitive in ways that suite absolutely nobody--I just so happen to have fallen apart numerous times, upon learning of the passing of those i've long cherished. I collapsed fully at Michael Jackson's passing, scrolling through the African TV channels in disbelief, as I desperately searched for a News Channel in English to confirm that it was indeed, true. This was, of course, a couple years after I cried for hours with Back to Black on repeat in the wake of Amy Winehouses' death--going even further back, I can recall arguing with a classmate that Steve Erwin, another hero, was brave--rather than ‘stupid', and undeserving of his untimeley demise. A special place lies in my heart for the day I remember losing Robin Williams-- a weird memory which collides in the now, with my affinity for Skrillex music and the strange outer connectivity my emotions seem to have in the passing of those I wholeheartedly admire; I've shed tears for Whitney Houston, Prince--I've shed tears for all of them. But none so much as for Skrillex, who is [surprisingly] still alive… And I'm mad about it. I'm mad about it, because I was [partially] happy in my place, as a fan. I wasn't even the best fan, or the biggest fan (metaphorically speaking--physically, though--I probably hold a record of some sort.) I wasn't following his social media--I wasn't following his anything, honestly. I was just crossing my fingers that with every lineup released, I might find the name “Skrillex” plastered to the top of it, or standing out broadly against the other ‘S' names, if alphabetically presented. I'm mad about it, because I hate myself. I've been hating myself my entire life. But i've never hated that I loved Skrillex--in fact, I've always been quite proud, having watched the project skyrocket, as EDM penetrated pop-culture in the years following my college endeavors. Never really thought to think that at any point, we might be equals. We're not--outwardly, anyway. Inwardly, though? Fuck me. It's like I'm bound to it by the roots of the Tree of Life. Like something in my DNA was activated by an overabundance of Skrillex. I've undoubtedly, and by far crossed the threshold of having listened to 10,000 Hours of Skrillex, guaranteed. No calculations needed. Still, there are perhaps millions of others who share the same affinity--and at least a few thousands who are more outwardly obsessive than in. It works, when I need to know something I'd rather just ask Sonny myself, but can't--there's always a kid in the fan pool who has been quick to find whatever information I'm looking for, long, long before I've come to look for it. Poor guy. For almost an entire year, that's all I've really been able to think. ‘Poor guy.' Because, if the roles were reversed--and for whatever reason I decided to make my way into someone's tent at a music festival (I wouldn't) and I scared them into a shock, resulting in them fleeing away from me--I'd feel like shit. And, if I had been touring my entire life and watched the culture grow and morph into the nearly unmanageable able monster it has become--i'd feel like shit. If I had to watch an ambulance cart away someone in the crowd during one of my sets, I'd feel like shit. If I had to do a live set while I felt like shit, I'd feel like shit. and ...if some random fan fell head over heels in love with me, simply because I crawled into her tent, or made really good music, or made her feel some kind of way… I'd feel like shit. And that shit probably happens all the time. It's been 10 long years for me, with Skrillex-- but I can't imagine how long the last 10 years have been, as Skrillex. Now I think about all the shit DJs go through, being DJs….what's more, I've had to give in-depth thought to what it means to be a celebrity at all--what it might be like to have someone grow an obsession over you--unprovokingly. Although my ‘obsession' for this particular person can't technically be considered ‘unprovoked' (I was minding my own business, after all--and Skrillex was not on the lineup.) I can't help but feel for those in the limelight whose charisma and talent combined attract every type of creeper imaginable. I'm just the kind of creeper that wants to make music; any previous searches as an attempt to ‘get to know' Skrillex, previous to last August, originated in attempting to comprehend how to create such organic sounds--exploring and studying how intricately layered and carefully arranged each of my favorite sounds and songs were made. Piecing together how exactly an artist like such, had become as such. Now, i'm just entangled in self-doubt, as it seems the entire next generation is equipped with whatever skillset it takes to become an electronic musician. Self-doubt, as I fear that my body weight intimidated him as much as his presence intimidated me. Again: All me. All bad. I've nowhere to turn to to unleash this shit--it has to be a secret-- and even letting it slip to Annie in the isolation of the aftermath has felt like a mistake, since I allowed it to happen. Can I keep a secret? Ha. There are things that only I know, certainly. The premonition I did subtly speak of, I refused to unearth in detail, even to Annie. The other visions I was made to have, still my own secret; I've begun to wonder if, upon meeting Sonny, I would keep it to myself; I suppose that would depend on nature and context. But, I think about it every day. It is my first thought upon waking up, my final thought before coming to rest--it has permeated into the only dreams I ever have anymore--crowds my semi-waking thoughts as I toss-and-turn throughout the night; the amount of energy exchanged, the amount of concern that consumes me....lets me know that it is all apart of something far beyond my comprehension, far beyond my senses...far beyond any understanding of the universe that I may have. And, it hurts. As bad as it is for me, it's probably worse for him--IF he remembers any of it. Then, probably a seasoned drinker (lol, “probably”) There's a good chance that, well-- he does remember. Oh God no. If I could motion to be erased, I would. I've been trying to erase myself for the better part of a year, including and certainly not limited to August 4th--an attempt I can stand to think I had not fully recovered from by the time it all happened. What the fuck did happen? Though it can't be denied that each of us possesses some kind of magic--the origins of mine can be traced back, at least on one side. Powers I was ‘born with', as told by my father--something I only believed until I was old enough that it didn't make sense--and something I was forced to recognize once I was old enough that it did. I want to know what exactly it is that ties us... Where this love--which is what it is, undeniably-- originates. I've spent the better part of the last year praying and meditating, and attempting to loosen the knots in my stomach enough to self-soothe enough to settle that, at worst-- Sonny was just being a pretty white boy, looking for a good time--and I just became a victim by knowing how to have one. Alternately--how fuck fuck would he even know I exist? As i've stated, I was the epitome of a silent Skrillex fan, prior to all these spectacular occurrences. I may have, at some point online--said something about Skrillex being my Spirit Animal… (still true) But can't imagine what else might have been garnered in my attainable, tangible history, which would alert him of my existence at all. Then, with all the money in the world, you truly can do anything… And that's what I hate in all this. Him--having all the money in the world, and me, having none… The very thing that separates us from settlement, myself from closure. Really, the only thing I want. Closure. ‘I got love, fuck your money.' Sonny can be anyone--he's earned that right. He can be with anyone--deservingly so. I want for him the very best--and, knowing that I am not (physically, anyway) am dismissive of any judgement cast. I wouldn't want me, either--looks matter, I know. I just want to know what he means to me--in this lifetime, in this realm, in this reality. I didn't have to be moved from where I was to be inspired by him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being attracted to him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being connected through the music--I just always was. And it all came crashing down in a tent, at the bottom of the rabbit hole--where I lost my mind--after having already lost my soul, to something beyond the senses, long ago. I committed wholly and permanently to making music when Phoneixx died, almost 2 years ago. The point was never to sound like Skrillex, but rather to be like Skrillex, as an artist--but, after much speculative examination--I guess, I always was. I lost myself in the early days of Myspace. From First To Last rang through the hallways of my middle school's corridors. Chiodos carried me through the days of wrist-cutting and air-dust huffing, through the days of binging-and-purging, wishing I was prettier--and in the height of all that is the drama of living in my very own Teenaged Wasteland… The Rocket Summer was handed to me by the hands of an angel, as I transitioned out of awkward adolescent depression and into an almost-well-adjusted life at a performing arts school, as an aspiring musician, singer, dancer and storyteller… The dream that carried me out of Utah, and into the Heart of Hollywood at the age of 16… The dream I thought died, long ago. When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? Billie Ellish's spirit collided with mine, as the first time I heard her voice, I shattered inwardly, and shivered in the resonance that is the understanding of pain, born undoubtedly in love; I shuddered to think that someone so young could feel so devoid of the willingness to live, to move onward. My response upon first experiencing her music, of course, a genuine “...Is she ok?” Three little words. I tend to really mean them, any time I ask. “Are you OK?!” I blurted, as my entire self exploded into shock, as I immediately recognized the face I've known for years--and looked through the widened eyes of one so now devastatingly human--to something inside of myself. Something about my voice shifted him; He became a mirror for all my pain, all my doubt--all the shame I have, for all that I am-- my demons came straight to the surface. Voiceless, now, and shielded in the fetal position, we faced each other silently. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Sorry.', I thought loudly, as I lay panicking. I stared down into my chest, ashamed to be anything but invisible, thoughts racing. I dare not lift my head to look at him. My heart pounded, as I lay screaming silent apologies for my appearance--for my very presence, for my own existence. I couldn't process his presence in my reality. Choking back tears, I tried not even to so much as breathe, as I silently apologized for being born--and though I wanted nothing more than to reach out to hold him, I lay all-but-lifelessly--wondering what went so wrong that he would seek to find me. The familiar smell of liquor permeated the air, as my heart sank, throbbing as it pounded...I know an alcoholic, when I smell one. I did actually wonder if he was okay....(and I've been wondering daily, ever since.) But clearly, he wasn't okay. Clearly, I wasn't. Clearly, nobody's ok. He slipped his praying hands between my thighs, as I died inside--and all my outer senses blended to become all, and nothing at once, again. Exit Skrillex, Enter Sonny. How does a mere peasant earn a spot in the company of the Highest Priest? I've not bargained with the Devil, but begged the Heavens that my life would end before his...the First Fast emerged as a direct result of self-sacrifice; To serve as a protection against misjudgement--to realign my soul with it's true intensive purpose--in hopes that my body would shrink to form something suitable. The memory of his hands between my thighs, a haunting reminder that--I just may be too big for him… The reality is...of all that I am, and all that I have, and all that I wish to be...it just may be that--he's too big for me… metaphorically speaking. I'll have to become a damn-near Superstar, just to get to know the people--that know the people--that know the people, that know people who can connect me to Sonny, on any level. I'll have to get in line behind millions of other hopeful DJ's, producers, singers, dancers, songwriters--hundreds of thousands of entertainers who might kill-or-die to get to know Skrillex in any way-shape-or form. Romantically, I'd be competing against at least a million perfect-bodied beauty-queen fangirls who would do anything--and I mean anything--for their shot at Skrillex. The truth is, I'm not trying to get to know Skrillex; The truth is, i'd rather know Sonny. (Whatever that's supposed to mean, right?) I don't question at all our potential compatibility; there's no doubt in my mind that there's some chemistry between us--be it of ancient origin, an extra terrestrial genetic code, or otherwise...but I'd bet any money I actually had, that someone as highly regarded as Skrillex would be ridiculed, trolled, and tremendously hated by many, many fans--for associating with someone like me. I don't even know if it's like that--but, again--crawling into someone's tent is...kind of intimate. What in Heavens would one want with me, when he could have perfection-- Absolute perfection? I kind of get it. I'm used to being fetishised. I've always been the black girl who liked white guys--I've lead a life that's made it easy to learn that Jungle Fever is often taboo among the White Caucasion men who find black women attractive enough to fuck--but would never want to “date” us, or bring us home. I've learned that--at the end of the day-- most white guys, want white kids--even if they like to fuck black girls. Then, there's the added bonus of some genetic flaw which has allowed my body to at one point, have ballooned up to 380 pounds-- a body which, even after a 200+ pound weight loss, would disgust anyone with eyes, in what most would consider “cute rave attire”. And, although shrinking from a size 28 to a size 10 is somewhat of a ‘grand' achievement, I look like an asymmetrical potato sack with my clothes off. If there's anything I know about men--and especially the affluent ones--they love to have trophies to showcase. I've yet to see a body like mine on the red carpet, or as arm candy--or as the leading lady, anywhere. No, there's no such thing as a fat Cinderella. Still, he's one of the most handsome creatures i've ever seen-- undoubtedly one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet. I will continue to love what I know of him wholly and unconditionally. On my best days, I even hope to live long enough, and well enough to have the honor of properly meeting him. Never could I have the courage to ask him on a date--nor would I subject him to the cruelty of the outer world by alluding to the fact that he may, in fact be someone more important to me, than as just a musician--as with anyone i've ever loved, I only want for him the best. On my worst days, The Devil assures me that it was Annie he was really looking for, who he may have seen me with at the plethora of festivals we attended together last year--or perhaps, even Idania, who was supposed to have been there with me…and it would make sense. The Devil also constantly reminds me of how much prettier they both are than me--and better in every way. But, it was long ago that I came to terms with the fact that anyone who might come to love me--would also love Annie and would love her more thoroughly--her, having the more attractive body and face, being more ideally pretty. Standing next to Annie, I always lose. Even on a good day. All this, I can be sure to cast aside, however--because at the very best--he was looking for me, and everything between then-and-now builds into something of substance or significance… and at worse, my favorite figure in music absolutely hates me, and regrets my existence as much as I do. Either way, Skrillex hits hard any time of the day, any day of the week. And… Either way, Sonny hits home, all day, every day--until I can manage to learn to speak. Eight pages later, and it still hurts. Eight pages, and i'm still mad. I'm still crying. I'm still useless. I'm still stuck. Stuck on stupid. Stuck on Sonny. Stuck on Skrillex. Just… Stuck. And it hurts. 5/5 Another day. Nothing makes me hate myself more than waking up. ‘Don't look at the phone.' instructions, handed to me some time ago by the Divine--since then, I make it a point not to look at my phone, if I can help it, before I've sat up to pray, and meditate. Lately, I've been unable to relax at all enough to focus on a proper meditation, before realizing my actual self-worth (nothing), and falling into the depressive non-motion that has been me. How many evil men will it take being caught in the midst of, will it take for me to realize that I've been allowing myself to painfully absorb their essences, even without a single touch? Just living here alone has set me further back from my goals than I was--then--I'm beginning to feel that my ‘roomate' may have ties to White Supremacy; the evidence does just keep on building. It has occured to me that Jason's warning that Nick may be deep undercover for some Government agency is most likely true. Though I err on the side of not snooping through other peoples' things--I've happened to stumble across indicators which point to the likely case that he is, in fact, hired by the government or some other private entity--probably as part of some secret experiment, assigned to psycologically torture and disable mentally fragile individuals; It seems as though the experiement was designed in order to test morale, will power, self-control, and proper judgement-- tests which I've been concious of, but in the moment have not always cared about passing-or-failing. From the painful assortment of disgusting and obnoxious sounds make throughout the day, torturing me through unpleasant and peace-shattering sounds, left victimized by my synesthesia and recently pinpointed misophonia--or something similar...whatever it is that makes slamming doors, cabinets, and the items crashing to the floor after lazily being thrown across the room methods of torture. To the cavalcade of poisonous, sugary and addicted substances, which only seem to appear or are offered during crucial fasts--or, pushily and passive-aggressively left in my living space without asking whether or not i'd like any. Just left there, to be discovered upon finishing a shower, or returning from a nightly walk. And on days when I am actually hungry, or needing to eat? I am offered nothing. Only when I fast am I ever offered any sustenance. It says almost too much about my roomate as a person--to offer every time, or never at all would be acceptable, and understandable--but to only invite one to eat when one feels so ‘inclined' is beyond cruelty. It's privilege showing itself to be one of the only faces uglier than mine, that i'm aware of. While i've elected to use my headphones as a shield, life's not always easy immersed in a sound bath of isochronic tones and Theta Waves--and though it does excite me to have expanded my music library, with additions and updates I've been longing for ages-- it's almost more stressful to think about the amount of music that I don't have. Songs I would add to my “sets”, if you can call them that. If I can call myself a DJ--if I can call myself a person, anymore. Really, all I am is hurt feelings and trauma wrapped in flesh; I might be less of a person than I ever was, once. Everything costs--whether it be money, the world's currency--or time, the currency of the soul. Torturous is the life of an artist, who cannot herself make ‘art', as she sees fit. Everyone in Hollywood has a screenplay in their back pocket; Everyone in LA has a dream, two-to-three-jobs, and a side hustle--and me? I'm just learning to DJ to self-soothe, having given up hope of ever becoming anything greater than the happiest guest at the rave nearest you. It's harder than it looks….(or, maybe it isn't, and i'm just retarded.) Building a music collection worthy enough to grace the decks in any of my favorite venues, is an arduous task--maybe this is why all the popular DJs are pretty white boys--the proof is in the privilege. Money, money, money...I used to make plenty of it, and was always exhausted--now I make none, and am always exhausted. What's worth what cost? Time = Money. In LA, and in the world. But by anyone's definition--and especially mine--LA is the world. Or, at the very least, sets the tone for the world. Truly, nothing is free. DJing is more expensive than I could have ever imagined--once again, in any direction I turn, there's a ladder to climb. I've not got the time or energy left in my sadly depleting lifesource left to storm gates, crawling over heads and cutting down those in my way. While it's certain that ‘Competitive Greatness' is the key atop the Pyramid of Success, there are 14 other bricks below to lay the foundation of that which one might call success, to be garnered as imagined through the eyes of a man, anyway, who lived in the 1930's. John L. Wooden may have been right--and may still be right--if I were a standard male (we'll leave race out of it, for now…..for now.) Still, i've been using the Pyrimid of Success as a guidepost, in what it is exactly I may have to do, or be, in order to become something. Not even something great, just something. Perhaps, if I can make it to being something, eventually I might become someone. Oh, to be a person would be nice. For now, I'll just have to settle on tricking my useless sack of anatomy into being a DJ. There's nothing outside of it, anymore. Bass Canyon truly was my last rave--not that I enjoyed it, honestly. Though I've attempted to retrain my brain around the trauma which resulted from that weekend, it did serve as a turning point--a sort of going-away party, as I departed from my home as a no-holds-bar Kandi Kid. Happy Graduation, OG Raver! Little did I know that, with the multidimentionality of our universe, I would be presented, through the world of possibility--the ability to at least observe with the naked eye that there lie more beyond the decks-- a space that may have been made for me. I'll never forget the moment I knew I would be a DJ--or at least try, for the life (or the death) of me. Electric Daisy Carnival changed my life--an experience ten years in the making that catapulted me into the depths of my wildest dreams--unbeknownst to me that I hadn't yet the ability to swim, in such that is the tempest of my own subconscious mind. But--that part of this story deserves its own dedicated elaboration; For now, i'll only look back--and realize that it was there that I aligned with my highest self in the truest sense, that, at least then, I actually believed that I could become a top DJ. I've lost the flight to stay afloat in the salty sea that is the millions of other people trying to make it to the mainstages of our favorite places, and begun to sink into the reality of the entertainment industry as a whole...the reality of the world, as a whole anymore. Looking around at the world's top DJs is less encouraging and inspirational than it should be. Nearly every headliner looks like every kid who ever bullied me, every guy who ever turned me down--every kid hosting the party I wasn't invited to. As for the females of the bunch--I find it frustrating that not one yet has been of any color other than yellow--and even then--we all know the world's men love Asian women. While I can admire girls like Rezz and Allison Wonderland--I wonder what kind of career, if any, if either of them were black, or heavyset--or, my losing genetic combination: Both. Would a fat Allison Wonderland have ever made it into the industry? Would a black Rezz ever become a staple in bass music, and rave culture? If Softest. Hard had a pot belly, would she have been discovered? Then, there are up-and-comings beyond my complete comprehension--those who are visually appealing, but musically inept; I'll leave out any names, and still salute them--anyone who can wrap their brain around any standard DAW enough to make an entire song, is absolutely more talented, definitely more intelligent than I am. [I'm not.] But, I can't help but wonder: How easy was it for any of them, being so pretty, to learn to do what they do--just by being kind and asking a friend for help to learn production? In so many years of raving, I've watched beautiful girls get pulled backstage--and even pulled on stage, to connect with the artists and VIPs. I've been brought to tears as I've watched rude girls with porcelain faces caked in makeup be lifted over rails into the promised land, picked to be plucked by just her eyes and smile combined with the perfection of a flat and flawless stomach. Pretty girls always get priority. Me? Well, I get the dead eyes of the drunken DJ, staring down at me through his whiskey glass, as he beckons the stagehands to assist the perfect-bodied princess backstage...but i'm only front-and-center so I can feel the music move, and watch all the energy bounce around, matching the movement of the expert's hands on deck, to the waves of sound colliding with the rest of the world. True, my mind might wander to what wonderful experiences await the perfect princess, as she disappears behind the decks, into a world i've yet to know, but only seen: The life I know exists beyond the rails, beyond the decks...the world I can only wish to build, for myself. Big ugly black girls don't get pulled backstage. Big ugly black girls are token ancillary characters, it seems, in the plot which writes the story of the modern rave. In a sea of new-generation ravers raised by Kim Kardashian and YouTube makeup tutorials--left lost in a torturous chamber of perfection--women who can wear anything, beautifully. Women who get whatever they want, whenever they want--because they know they can; 10's, to my -3. Bottom Line: Looks matter, until all the men in the world go blind. Sad-but-true. I move not to objectify the women whose music and movement through the clearly sexist music entertainment industry. God only knows how hard each of them has worked to earn a spot so highly ranked amongst those to whom we all admire--the legends, the greats. Each woman behind the decks has become a reflection of everything I wish I ever was--but also a painful reminder of everything that I am not. Of every girl i've ever come behind. Perhaps, this is the result of growing up the as the only ‘black girl', in the backwards, racist po-dunk town I was transplanted into: A place where I spent years constantly being told, taught, and trained that it was more admirable to have light skin, blonde hair, blue eyes...then again, The Media has always done a particularly good job at creating and maintaining what the ideal beauty standard should be, or is--and an excellent job of perpetuating stereotypes. People never expect me to sound how I do, or to like what I like--because it's “white people stuff”; and ten years ago when I discovered raving, there wasn't another black girl (or boy!) in sight for miles, at any rave I went to. I was the oddity, the token--the “what the fuck” person, in an already entirely what-the-fuck place. Fast Forward to 2020: My Freshman Year as a DJ. And...as it appears, the world behind the decks is just as non-diverse as the dancefloor was when I first began this escapade through the world of immersive music. Do I want to be the first ethnically-bred Female DJ to reach the top? OF COURSE. Can I? It's not up to me. Now I'm confusededly caught in the web that is rumours circulating of an ongoing race-war, and wondering if I've been left to die smack-dab in the middle of it. Amongst currently living with a white supremacist (or, extremely ignorant and culturally intolerant biggoted racist at the very, very least.), it seems that White Superiority may be a driving theme amongst the Electronic Music Industry--that maybe the world I've rather grown up in, and come to love has more twists, turns, and dark alleys to look through than the obvious ‘secrets' that loom in the world of rave. All seeing is the eye that watches over all. Insomniac's crew is among one of the least racially diverse I've ever seen--if I were Pasqualle, I might think to at least try to make it look as though there were a plethora of ethnic backgrounds who work together to tie the knot holding together the world's biggest metaphorical kandi: Insomniac, the Kingdom of Mainstream rave culture. A global endeavor. I wonder how many i've come to admire--Pasqualle included-- are actually White Supremacists, masquerading in the power of positivity and their corporate capitalism, true beliefs and intentions. My curiosity about the man himself peaked during EDC weekend, after stumbling into sign after sign, symbol after symbol--of something I've aspired [in the past] to commit to, but also am wearlily aware of its adversity towards that of my kind; being firstly female, and secondly partially black. Now, I wonder--am I even allowed to enter into the world beyond the decks--or is that preserved for only women with perfect bodies, fair skin--attractive individuals? Does it belong only to those with money? Is there any possibility that there may be room for someone like me to enter the scene--or may only pretty girls with pretty bodies and pretty hair be allowed in the backstage world? Really, I just want to perform. I miss myself as a dancer, as a musician--as an actor, all together. I still wish I had continued on this path a decade ago, when--though weighing over 300 pounds--my confidence at least existed. Teaching myself to DJ has been one of the hardest things i've ever done; I don't know if I'm retarded, but I'm beginning to consider attempting to see someone for some kind of screening. If Paris Hilton can DJ, why is it so hard for me? If Sonny can dink around on a computer with a blown speaker, call himself ‘Skrillex' and make some of the world's most intricate music since that of Beethoven-- why can't I do the same? What makes the difference in all these YouTube tutorials telling me how to do it--and me actually being able to do it? What is it, that's wrong with my brain? But, it's all i've wanted for over a year--to be a DJ, at least. I've always been a musician; It's just been a stop-and-go, allowing for the rest of what has been my life to pass through between the times I could make music, and couldn't. I wish I had the positive support it takes to have encouraged me forward on the path I was already on, since I was 13--instead, I was told I was too fat (and too black) to succeed in the way I wanted to. 10 Years later and Lizzo is at the top of her game, while I beat myself up for losing at mine. Never could I have imagined a world where i'd see an album cover like hers; upon seeing it, I was not only shocked, but enraged: She was everything I was told I could not be. And the Truth Is: more than likely, someone told Lizzo the same thing I was told, and the difference is-- she didn't believe them, and kept moving forward. The difference is: She believed in herself, and loved herself enough to keep trying. The difference is, that everything I needed, I already had--I just never believed it to be so. I'm proud of her...but insanely jealous. My inner child cries “That should have been me.” Truth Hurts. There's more to it, than that; Envy lives in the cavernous pits deep within the confined Hell that is my subconscious mind--and--as the world begins to close in on itself, as consciousness continues expanding, I find myself fighting against the worst of my woes daily. Nowhere can I go without meeting a flawless, forward-figured, and facially exquisite female--rather than submit to catty jealousness, I have learned to admire and nod or bow as a gesture that I am a lesser creature. So now i'm left to wonder as I self-teach myself a trade, if my aspirations may ever be achieved, without possessing any outer beauty. All that's left in the world for me, now, is to become my own favorite DJ. (A title, of course, formerly belonging to Skrillex... ruined, by his untimely arrival as a physical person, into my actual life. More on that later...and infinitely.) I've lately begun asking myself “Is it really worth it?”...but, at the same time, I've never loved anything so much, as to fly on the wings of music--and so i've also wondered “What else will really make me happy?” Tough question. Ideally, I'm the entertainment Guru I always wished to be--not tied down to any one artform, but able to move about freely in all of them. There's no life without theatre--there's no light without entertainment. If living ideally, I could never be any-one-thing-- if living ideally, I am the embodiment of everything I love. But in a world where a snatched waist and a pretty face are a winning (and deadly) combination, I'm 0-0. Life of am ugly kid. Worse off yet, since even Hobo Johnson seems to have more confidence in his awkward and broken rhythms enough to speak his mind clearly enough for the rest of the world to resonate. Might be a good time to revisit, what it is exactly I came for. Perhaps, the answer is nothing: So far, I have nothing, make nothing, am nothing--if there is anything that I am, it's words on a piece of paper--just another ‘thing', another dreaming, wishful hopeful that I can rise above all that has been, and all that I am now...to become something more When training to match with the likes of the devil in preparation for battle against he, you must intend to figure, what the vehicle he has chosen has maintained to use as atool to help build you, as a Saint or an Angel--or one to break you, as Satan he. It has been a fruitful fas, but still i persist, though with a weary eye and curious mind, to the riddle i have yet been presente; ; Much ado about Chicken Soup. “Practice androgyny!” the two meet, immidiately fritening eachother; they transform-- One becomes dog, the other a cat--the cat begins to run. the dog pursues her. they run into a sunny meadow where a river feeds the wildlife and it is vibrant amongst the creatures; the cat climbs up a tree, and the [very friendly] dog stops at the base, looking up at her playfully, with an ask that she come down. She looks down from the tree at him, at a safe distance, and begins to relax on the I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? Dearest Sonny, I'm unsure quite how to explain myself to you--or if I can, or should explain myself at all.I guess I could start with “I'm sorry.”, but it's almost as if that doesn't quite cover it, and nothing does. Perhaps, i'll start with just “thank you”--thank you for being you--which is something that makes me more ‘myself' than anything, at best. Really though, that's probably a good place to start with the wholehearted apology I owe you; It cannot be easy being yourself, or navigating life with such prominence, importance--as I'm sure you never intended all that you are, as any gift-given may have come as a God-honest, and God-given surprise. That being said; God is only anything that I am --as is, anything that you are. The talent that you possess is insurmountably powerful...and has touched, changed, inspired millions--changing the world and the very fabric of time itself--no matter how unintentionally, in all your humility. Somewhere hidden, I too have talent. I only wish that in this lifetime, I were granted the confidence and charisma to be able to somehow express it. Music is the matter I find I am made of--without being able to express it, I only feel burdened, trapped. It is a beautiful language you speak--you, and the rest of the artists I've grown to admire. It is a language so soothing, I can only long to learn it; I'm afraid though that in this lifetime, too much time and opportunity has passed...in this modern, technologically fast-paced new world...i've been left behind. You are truly a good friend, indeed. In all the sense that it doesn't make, I honor you as someone who has inspired, motivated, comforted, and captivated consistently throughout my existence in this time, in this life; Though i've been in recent times, able to remember your essence in lifetimes past, it is in this lifetime that I find the most befuddling, how your music itself has seemed to find and follow me.Unexplainable, would be the word that I can most easily use to describe anything having to do with it--love, would be the other word. “I love you”, is, I guess, what I was trying to say by tapping you gently three times, before running away. Really though, there aren't many things I could have said, or done--i'd never really been “starstruck” before; but it would be quite a stretch to say that it was the first time I'd been left awestruck in your presence. Countless performances, club shows; Raves are my favorite, favorite thing--second to the feel, and sound of bass. “Synesthesia”, would be the vocabulary word that explained a lifelong fascination with laser lights and deep bass; in ten years of hugging subwoofers and losing myself in the drop wondering my early adulthood mantra “Why am I like this?” almost constantly, it never mattered more to me than it has now. I recall a time where I referred to Skrillex as my spirit animal--still true, I suppose, although considering the fact I've consciously separated the Skrillex of things from the Sonny Moore of it all. One in the same, or, two separate parts of a whole--I can undeniably say all my unconventional, unconditional “I love you, I love you, I love you's”, in the everything that you are. ‘In love', would be an understatement--though which statement to actually make, i'm unsure of. I'm unsure of a lot of things, really; I've made many honest (and dishonest mistakes) in this lifetime--walking away from you, one of them. But, I can't change that, anything about who I am--or anything about the world the way it is, for I am only one--and too small, too weak, and too tired. My soul wishes for the freedom that death will bring--and so, I must let it...as its simply much too hard to live moving forward with such a badly broken spirit. I want you to understand that it is not your fault; It's nothing to do with you, or anything that you've done--the way that I love is uncontainable, once the match has been lit. I apologize again that you've become a victim in the energy field that becomes somewhat of a vortex, once activated. I didn't mean to fall in love with you--I don't know really how it happened, it just did. Maybe you don't remember me. Maybe you do. It doesn't really matter now, I just want you to know that me leaving this life is no fault of yours. I love you wholeheartedly--wholeheartedly, too, I love myself--though, seemingly only from the inside-out; there's nothing I can do about the outer shell I've been trapped in all these years. This is my body; something I would neither burden nor embarrass you with. Apologies, and all my love to you. There's nothing I want for you more than to live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life--I hope that you and those surrounding you are always, always living in peace, with joy and love--without worry, or burden, or stress; in honesty, these arre my wishes for anyone on this planet..as my love for humanity itself has only seemed to quantify, as I near the end of my life. I love, love; sometimes, I believe that I *am* love, as are any of us--but as I draw nearer to the light, it becomes harder and harder for me to believe that anything else matters, or has ever mattered, more than love. I love you. It just may be that i'm the world's biggest Skrillex fan--but to look beyond the cloak of stardom has left me longing for the embodiment of a memorable, familiar soul: The you. The person, and being that actually is; which is to say--as I would for any of my closest friends--I'd go to hell-and-back for you, give my last for you, do anything to protect you--*you*, the person; wanting and needing, expecting nothing in the world--because I cannot see a world without you in it. I'm sorry again, for any negativity. I meant to leave you behind at least, something beautiful, in exchange for all the years and moment's i've experienced through your art--but as I've mentioned before, I am trapped within myself. Symphonies unsung, melodies unwritten--because I've not what it takes to make it. I won't depart without admitting I tried, Music is my all, my everything, my guiding light--so at least in going home, I know there will always, always be the World of Sound--perhaps Heaven in the place where I can live there. I don't know what else to say. You're one of the most beautiful people i've ever seen, from the inside out--before I saw you, I heard you; before I could hear you, you were felt. I will always love you...nothing much else can matter, except that you know that. I'll never be able to erase it from my mind, never be able to forget, or look past it. I may even never understand why. Ancient Egyptian knowledge, or whatever—is the thing it seems they were trying to convey. By they, I only mean—whoever it is that wanted to hurt me. From the men shouting “kill yourself” outside my window— To the flocks of gorgeous, perfect women with perfect waists, perfect fashion, perfect faces—flaunting and floating before me, taunting me, pointing and laughing—rolling eyes, and flipping hair— and giving looks that say “I know you wish you looked as good as me.” I do. I do wish that. I wish more than anything to be beautiful. But...I keep eating. My body is hideous. I hate everything about it. I could try harder, but even that hurts. Everything hurts. Especially my heart. Why was I not more panicked, that after such a phenomenon such as that, cast by shadows against my tent—that the zipper of the door began to move slowly, from one side to another. Perhaps, I wanted the company. Maybe I needed it. What I didn't need, was more excruciating pain. No one's fault, I guess—someone wants me dead. At this point, I think me, the most. I'll never forget that face. The shocker. “Why is Skrillex in my tent?” The looming question. A question I hadn't even the time to ask, before blurting out “Are you okay?!” He froze, I froze. I guess that's where my Skrillex and my Sonny collided, as my soul began the process of separating the music I adored, and the person who made it. I will never forget his eyes. Fear. I scared him. He scared me. He scarred me. Maybe it wasn't him. I know that it *was* in fact Sonny himself (the face is unmistakable, those eyes)—but perhaps he was put up to it. Paid, for the task. Maybe my deer-in-the-headlights makes it so that he is the hunter—? How could he have missed his shot? How could I have missed mine. I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? What medicine cures suicide? None I've taken, really—maybe Acid. Now, I can't seem to separate myself from Skrillex—or from Sonny—or from figuring out the two, or one in the same— or from figuring out myself, in that we are one in the same. I love him. Like a stupid teenager loves her favorite idol. Yeah, it's exactly like that, except worse—I'm a grown woman, a failure—whose aspirations and admirations are grandiose, and dillusional. Now I'm even more delusional. I thought, for a moment that Sonny might be in love with me. In honesty? Sometimes I still think that. I actually still believe that. So why this approach? I'm partially convinced he was paid to ‘finish the job', so to speak. I was already suicidal, and, fresh out of the hospital on the attempt to end my life that failed, again. So this would do it—make me hope and believe I could be something, someone, anyone—that I could be anything—even a superstar DJ-turned-future President. I'm a fucking joke. Someone, who could have anyone—in love with me? Maybe this is why people sneak into tents at music festivals: They don't love you— They just want to fuck. DAY 1: MAY 1ST, 2020; If I am offered dinner, will eat--but if not, will continue forward. Will set an alarm for 3:30 AM once roommate has gone to bed to check for his keys. Everyone gets their own suicide letter. Mom Dad Bearr Annie Yesenia Sonny (just leave it to Annie w/ his rock && burn book) Let everybody know it's not their fault. Reasons: 1. Fat 2. Ugly 3. Black 4. Poor 5. Unsuccessful 6. Friendless 7. No Charisma 8. Single I don't know why I numbered them. Do you really need more than one reason to kill yourself? (no.) I believe i”ve started the fast that I was asked. Be it that I have, the date is May 1st, 2020--however, I've been wondering if my roommate leaves the keys to his car in an accessible place; I'm kind of hoping so. I'm already craving to eat, and the first 24 hours have yet to pass. Again, i'm always given the open to keep this date and continue forward, so long that I eat before midnight--however, nothing seems like the right answer; The matter of fasting has become a damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don't matter...it seems that everything I do is ‘wrong', though right-and-wrong are subjective, and multidimensionally, objective, even. I probably might have been dead by now, if my car battery hadn't died...it seems like the easiest and least painful way; something easy and quiet. I've thought about sharpening a knife, just to cut and let [myself] bleed out at the wrist--but then, I fear that I may panic and that my mind would fight to survive. I've thought about hanging from one of my favorite trees-- but haven't the money left to buy any rope--which, perhaps, I could steal--but to steal enough rope to hang myself with on foot? A tricky task, to say the least. So, really, some of me is hoping my roommate leaves his keys out. At first, the thought of committing my suicide here was unsettling. My roommate, Satan's personal favorite vehicle and overall negative void of a ‘person' (or vampire, honestly), is a drama Queen--he needs not only conflict and drama to survive, but fiends for it; something in me had somehow become too proud to give him something to girlishly blabber about with his narcissistic, simple friends--I can already hear the repetitive exclamations of “horror” that would more-than-likely delight him as he recounts the story of finding my body, over-and-over...at first it rather haunted me, and now i've come to peace with--bargaining that having him find my body would be something of a statement, which wordlessly reads “sticks and stones may break my bones but words got up and killed me.” Words. Little words. Big Words. Actions. Gestures. If it's negative, I can feel it in my body, before it even happens; If it's positive, it can leave me radiating for days on end, and without a care. My “living situation” has been nothing more than a prolonging of my already disastrously failed and predominately miserable life. A mentally-ill and often psychotic mother, followed by a too- young marriage to a dynamically similar person, has left me up Shit's creek with no boat; I'm pushing 30 with no significant other, and no significance at all. There are generations of perfect people, fresh out of high school--who can and will do everything I ever thought possible or imaginable, better than me. And it's my fault. NO ENTRY ON DAY 2. Gave Myself A “Skrillex” haircut. Wow. Fuck my life. DAY 3: The fast will end today, more than likely. I am overwhelmed with grief, at loss for motivation, and struggling to believe there is any positive outcome to anything I do. I'm already getting headaches, and acute hunger pains--usually these things don't happen until well after the third day. I suppose my body is telli

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Gerald’s World.
Aftermath. (Unreleased) Sunnï Blū, -the kidd. {THE TIME CAPSULE}

Gerald’s World.

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2023 4:55


this is a cringeworthy read, i'm sure of it. {THE TIME CAPSULE] Here lies everything I won't delete, but wouldn't dare to publish (as of yet), and therefore banish to the land and/or realm of impossibility, where everything entirely consists of unimaginable, unfathomable, inconceivable, never-ever-happened ( or will) unexistence. Nothing Here Exists. Amen. (I didn't write this.) The Colenel's Jounal. “Would he be mad reading this shit? “ I mean. I have to step back at this point and admit to reading this shit to myself at this point, that... I stumbled upon an interview with none other than The Great Mike Tyson--who--if coincidences actually existed--coincidentally dated my mother oh-way-back-when. I remember the shenanigans she went through to get him to sign a pair of boxing gloves for an auction she hosted, once, when I was younger. For that, I've always gotten a little chuckle, whenever I've randomly ended up watching something. Dude is funny. As for other dude? I'm so lost. It's almost like Insomniac (or whoever) can read my thoughts--or at the very least, my text messages. It's been a year of strangeness, and I'm now more lost than found. Why is Pasqualle so strangely familiar? What is this connection, i'm missing? Who am I, if not S U P A C R E E? I'm aware of my cosmic insignificance, my societal displacement. I am nothing useful that I know of, but it seems so that I've been being followed. So maybe he's not a white supremacist, after all...he seems to love as much as I do--if not more. So, that one's my fault, as everything is. I wonder if the window of opportunity has truly closed. I wonder what to make of all this, at all. I'm so, so confused, and so lost, and so… ...confused... First, I levitated. Still can't get over that (literally) Then....everything else. Literally everything else. From playing drums at Ruskos set, to weirdly making my way to Excision, just “following a vibe”--my failed suicide attempt, and running away to Bass Canyon where, everything in my reality officially shattered. Now, here I am...about to be homeless, jobless, and lost in love. I can't shake it off anymore, I can't let it go. My brain's wrapped around all of it, all the time. Prayers, Mantras, Methods. I'm driving myself crazy trying to wish away the pain. I need to be...need to be… … Needed. Bearr needs me. Sometimes, in all the pain--I fail to see that. But he does--and if I can't make it in show business...how are we meant to survive? There's no room for depression and poverty in motherhood. After losing the twins...I just can't. I can't be sad and parent at the same time. And, maybe that makes me weak. Maybe it makes me stupid. Maybe I've just had enough. But there's nothing I wouldn't give just to know that there's love, somewhere out there for me. Is it selfish that that's all I want? I think i'm a good person, but maybe i'm wrong. I can account for hundreds of premonitions, predictions, visions--outstanding sensitivity to energy...but how could I misread, and misjudge, so easily? Something inside me never really made it out of that tent. Then, going back--maybe it was all of me, that never made it out of that ambulance. Am I just the special kid in class--and it's obvious I've been left behind? When I hear myself speak aloudt, I wonder if I am retarded. I feel other people also wonder. Either way, how would anyone have known about my musical history so broadly, as it's been displayed? There's no going back from it. I can't go back to being a regular “Skrillex” fan. It's almost like...almost like I can't go back at all. And I miss that, a lot--just being able to be honest about what my taste in music is, who my favorite musician is…. I tense up when I hear the word “Skrillex”. In good company, I can shrug it off, I guess…. But on any regular day, it still feels deep. It doesn't leave my mind, ever. I can pretend to move on, but I can't unlove. I can't unlove. So, i'm two-for-two...three-for-three, if you count Josh Pan's video, where his face swells up and he turns into a reptile… I remember waking up for work with swollen eyes, and bulging, puffy skin...the way the spiral to insanity began...not with suicide, at all--at least, in the traditional sense. I was working 80 hours a week. I needed it--I needed out of my marriage. Pasqualle's sweater Sonny's Sweater, now falling apart--because, yes--I've worn it every day for nearly a year. A red, white, and blue blanket, reminding me of my presidential ambitions--which have since, not faded...but become realistically reflected with this sense that, I have much to fulfill between now-and-never. I'll only run for President if I can afford it. I can only afford it if I am successful in music. I found it heartwarming that Mike Tyson is so enamoured by the culture. To see him swell with joy, such as I have, upon discovering the world of raves. Apparently, there will be some kind of permanent Oasis, someday...I hope I live to see it. Better yet, I hope I live to play there. I want my chance on all the stages, as selfish as it may seem. To earn a place behind the decks, an unrealized dream. But, can I find it to become all that it takes? To read and move a room, to create and connect with people, live onstage. To inspire a crowd--telling a story with music. To give love, the best way that I can. I miss myself...but no I don't. I do miss never having to worry about whether I was too fat to be found attractive by someone I vehemently admire--but never thought about sexually, in all of the years i've loved watching him live. But, its a vibe. Much ado about Elon Musk. I'm not smart enough to become a rocket scientist--and it's too late for me to become an astronaut, as I once dreamed...but there's something in the space above us all, that seems to connect the space between us all--and it's almost as is the walls are caving in. Time and space continues to collapse upon itself. I might be broken forever...but then, I always was. Who'd have thought the Grand Prize for your third suicide attempt is a Skrillex? I'm cursed, in the way that...it won't fall off. My brain won't un-Sonny itself. I'm on default to give a fuck now, and there's no turning back. I guess this is what I get for hating on *fangirls*...now i am one. Problem is, I'm a lot less cute. How often does shit like this happen? There's hypnosis through music--and then there's losing your entire soul to something outside of yourself. Why and how am I so out of place, in this world? ‘You're too good for this world.' Nothing's been forgotten, it's just getting more suppressed. I can pretend to move on, but I won't. I just found the Holy Mecca of research for my weird, invasive project. Apparently DeadMau5 had some kind of comedy show, or something--called “coffee run” It seems to be about...2014, but haven't bothered to check yet--I'm sure, though that this predates the infamous ‘fued'. Blah blah blah--i'm learning too much about these people. People. Real people. ...was interrupted to watch the new episode of Rick and Morty; Lucky me. One half-hour and several belly-rolling laughs later, I'm back...with slightly more self confidence that, if The Heavens grant me whatever kind of combination of confidence and focus that it will take to bring the Festival Saga If nobody's sampled this video, I've stumbled upon a literal goldmine. Life imitates art--and music imitates music. “I love it when it's super sweaty.” (How do I resonate with this so well?) “ A Los Angeles Real Estate Guy In Torono”, says Dillon. “Yeah, there's a few of those.”, Joel recants, stoically. Now i'm watching people who never mattered on YouTube, in a finally “Sonny says…” If i can ever make my brain learn the magic that makes something like Ableton somehow turn into a banger. “Does he drive?!” I've wondered this myself. “I don't think he does.” I knew it. Dillon Francis' awkwardness is reminiscent of mine...again, here I am wondering...who I might be if I were born a white male--if nothing was changed, but the body. CRUSTPUNKS. How did I get here? Oh, yeah. I specifically opened an incognito window to...fuck it. I know what I'm here for. The thing is, I don't know what i'm blessed with. I don't know that i'm talented… It could all just be a Grand Delusion… Do I hate myself enough to try this? A movie where the entirety of the fabric of [my] universe is music, and the musicians that make it. A universe that already existed in the Multiverse of Rick and Morty, since it's strange inception into my being. Wait, how the fuck did I get here? I was already on a writing tangent Probably--I hate enough to “ i get to go home--not tomorrow, but the next day” This experience is becoming so humanizing. It is a job, this music shit--Touring takes you everywhere but home. What the fuck is ‘home?' Perhaps I am meant for this shit, after all. I don't have a home, anyway. I also don't have any music under my belt, but--with any luck, I can pump out the LP I promised my twins. Today Marks 5 years since Skyy passed away. May 23rd will be 2 years, since Phoenixx left us. It's not a good time of year, for grief. With no friends I can trust (Annie's Toxicity is again rearing its head), no family that loves me the way a family should...I find myself completely isolating from what Love is, almost forgetting what it might have felt like. “How often are you home?” “KAAAAHHHHHHHHHN” If i'm ever lucky enough to learn how to make Dupstep--that deserves to go before a fucking deadly drop. I've officially seen Skrillex more times in person than ever on video--which disincluded, of course, the tent incident--something I'm realizing that if I'm unable to catch up with myself in time, I'll have to live with forever. Can I answer my own prayers? At this point, i've given up any expectation of what it might be like to achieved enough to earn any kind of place in that world *their* world... 5/6/2020 Life is unfair sometimes. Like--do I want tacos, or divine inspiration? Do I put off fasting for yet another day, just for the temporary comfort and satisfaction of eating? Does limiting my eating to once every 24-hour-or-less suffice as enough of a self-sacrifice, that my prayers might be answered? I highly doubt that it is, but still--I often ride the line between just allowing myself to feel good when I can (and food does, make me feel so....so good) and remaining steady in my fasting. Then, it has been over 6 months of almost constant fasting and praying, all over someone I haven't properly met--all over myself. Because, the longer I stay in this mindset--the clearer it becomes that it is all the same. At the core, there's only really one thing in existence. Skyy will have passed away 5 years ago tomorrow. To think, I should have had 5-year-old twins. They would have been so beautiful; I've never quite imagined them so, umti now. I miss my babies so much. Will I ever be okay again? I thought to record a song for Skyy, but it would never be ready by tomorrow, in the perfect way that I would want it to be. I don't want to put out anything less than the best. I'm being as patient as I possibly can with teaching myself--but grow frustrated in my limitations. The only thing standing between me, and the tools I need to make the music I have...is me. (Really, it's money.) Lack of money is keeping me from being unstoppable. With unlimited money, I'd have a home--I could fully pay all 4-years of my tuition at UCLA….ny dream school. I'd study music, anthropology, astrology….maybe even engineering. I can't make myself prettier--but I can make myself smarter. Google University just isn't cutting it. I want to make a difference in the world by any means, and i'm trapped behind the gate of poverty. I just want a closet full of harem pants, chuck taylors, and T-shirts with stuff I like on them. I just want to wear my kandi every day. I just want to be behind the decks atop the stages of my favorite places… I want to be someone's favorite DJ. I want to be one of my favorite DJ's favorite DJ I, I, I… How selfish. What does the world need? Less people. Well, i'm honestly one-less, I guess, if I can;t make it in music, in art. If I can't make a decent living just by being myself...i'm not meant to live at all. That much is true--no life worth living includes waking up every day to go to a job I hate, that barely pays my bills. No life is worth living that Something strange happens to me when my favorite people go ‘live' on instagram Social Media, a young demon with whom I constantly evade, when I am not forcibly fighting to fit the status quo (which, I cannot.) Watching my social media right now is like the digital equivalent of “You can't sit with us.” I've grown attached to OWSLA like some sort of distant, imaginary family--only, I know this is something I've just embedded into my mind--the ultimate wishful thinking. Everything I do seems fragile, as if the grid I had discovered not only exists in the outer world, but also my inner--that everything I do, think, say, sing, speak makes a difference in what will happen moving forward. Reawakening my center has been difficult, saying the very least--I am almost paralyzed by negativity--made catatonic through senses with which I cannot control; My ‘home' life has become a hell where i'll-spirits and pitiful thoughts are cast about me--in reality, I have no home. In truth, I'm unsure that I have any purpose, either. It's all been bothering me… Now it's something that just hurts, like everything else. Add to the pain, subtract from willingness to live. Add to the trauma, subtract from the motivation to succeed. How much of my fault is this? Who did it? What is it for? Amongst the most otherworldly of theories, the possibility that extraterrestrials had actual involvement in removing Sonny from wherever he was supposed to be (Burning Man, albeit) and placing him where I was. I've wondered how else the dancing shadows cast against the canvas of the tent were so perfectly made-- ancient egyptian prophecies foretold as a light show, in the moments leading up to the one where the entirety of my being was shifted, in an instant. I dreamed of a B2B with Skrillex, and instead got a face-to-face with Sonny Moore. One, apparently, does not quite equal the other. Eight (or so) months later, and I've filtered through all the stages of grief--for all of the ways I had to lose him--as much as one could be lost, without actually dying. But, perhaps I am dead. My soul and spirit at least, are trapped, and tainted torturously from all I've come to gather. Running into the night, like a bat fresh out of hell, away from the visions I was forced to have from our exchange-- I can only imagine, had I acted any differently and stayed, rather than fled what else I may have seen. In only the few short moments we shared together...I was able to see more of his life than for anyone I've ever ‘seen' for, besides myself. To have, after only a few moments--seen both backwards into his past--and forwards into a seemingly shared future of some sort. I don't know what else to call this creepy psychic shit, other than “seeing”. To even call myself a “seer” would be a heavy title, I'd be too uncomfortable to claim. Still, vivid memories of the dude's past--and chilling premonitions of the future, have left me disgustingly sick with a concern that wholly did not exist, beforehand. But, when faced with the question: “What would it be like to actually lose him?” I fucking lost it. I've never taken well to celebrity deaths--perhaps, overly sensitive in ways that suite absolutely nobody--I just so happen to have fallen apart numerous times, upon learning of the passing of those i've long cherished. I collapsed fully at Michael Jackson's passing, scrolling through the African TV channels in disbelief, as I desperately searched for a News Channel in English to confirm that it was indeed, true. This was, of course, a couple years after I cried for hours with Back to Black on repeat in the wake of Amy Winehouses' death--going even further back, I can recall arguing with a classmate that Steve Erwin, another hero, was brave--rather than ‘stupid', and undeserving of his untimeley demise. A special place lies in my heart for the day I remember losing Robin Williams-- a weird memory which collides in the now, with my affinity for Skrillex music and the strange outer connectivity my emotions seem to have in the passing of those I wholeheartedly admire; I've shed tears for Whitney Houston, Prince--I've shed tears for all of them. But none so much as for Skrillex, who is [surprisingly] still alive… And I'm mad about it. I'm mad about it, because I was [partially] happy in my place, as a fan. I wasn't even the best fan, or the biggest fan (metaphorically speaking--physically, though--I probably hold a record of some sort.) I wasn't following his social media--I wasn't following his anything, honestly. I was just crossing my fingers that with every lineup released, I might find the name “Skrillex” plastered to the top of it, or standing out broadly against the other ‘S' names, if alphabetically presented. I'm mad about it, because I hate myself. I've been hating myself my entire life. But i've never hated that I loved Skrillex--in fact, I've always been quite proud, having watched the project skyrocket, as EDM penetrated pop-culture in the years following my college endeavors. Never really thought to think that at any point, we might be equals. We're not--outwardly, anyway. Inwardly, though? Fuck me. It's like I'm bound to it by the roots of the Tree of Life. Like something in my DNA was activated by an overabundance of Skrillex. I've undoubtedly, and by far crossed the threshold of having listened to 10,000 Hours of Skrillex, guaranteed. No calculations needed. Still, there are perhaps millions of others who share the same affinity--and at least a few thousands who are more outwardly obsessive than in. It works, when I need to know something I'd rather just ask Sonny myself, but can't--there's always a kid in the fan pool who has been quick to find whatever information I'm looking for, long, long before I've come to look for it. Poor guy. For almost an entire year, that's all I've really been able to think. ‘Poor guy.' Because, if the roles were reversed--and for whatever reason I decided to make my way into someone's tent at a music festival (I wouldn't) and I scared them into a shock, resulting in them fleeing away from me--I'd feel like shit. And, if I had been touring my entire life and watched the culture grow and morph into the nearly unmanageable able monster it has become--i'd feel like shit. If I had to watch an ambulance cart away someone in the crowd during one of my sets, I'd feel like shit. If I had to do a live set while I felt like shit, I'd feel like shit. and ...if some random fan fell head over heels in love with me, simply because I crawled into her tent, or made really good music, or made her feel some kind of way… I'd feel like shit. And that shit probably happens all the time. It's been 10 long years for me, with Skrillex-- but I can't imagine how long the last 10 years have been, as Skrillex. Now I think about all the shit DJs go through, being DJs….what's more, I've had to give in-depth thought to what it means to be a celebrity at all--what it might be like to have someone grow an obsession over you--unprovokingly. Although my ‘obsession' for this particular person can't technically be considered ‘unprovoked' (I was minding my own business, after all--and Skrillex was not on the lineup.) I can't help but feel for those in the limelight whose charisma and talent combined attract every type of creeper imaginable. I'm just the kind of creeper that wants to make music; any previous searches as an attempt to ‘get to know' Skrillex, previous to last August, originated in attempting to comprehend how to create such organic sounds--exploring and studying how intricately layered and carefully arranged each of my favorite sounds and songs were made. Piecing together how exactly an artist like such, had become as such. Now, i'm just entangled in self-doubt, as it seems the entire next generation is equipped with whatever skillset it takes to become an electronic musician. Self-doubt, as I fear that my body weight intimidated him as much as his presence intimidated me. Again: All me. All bad. I've nowhere to turn to to unleash this shit--it has to be a secret-- and even letting it slip to Annie in the isolation of the aftermath has felt like a mistake, since I allowed it to happen. Can I keep a secret? Ha. There are things that only I know, certainly. The premonition I did subtly speak of, I refused to unearth in detail, even to Annie. The other visions I was made to have, still my own secret; I've begun to wonder if, upon meeting Sonny, I would keep it to myself; I suppose that would depend on nature and context. But, I think about it every day. It is my first thought upon waking up, my final thought before coming to rest--it has permeated into the only dreams I ever have anymore--crowds my semi-waking thoughts as I toss-and-turn throughout the night; the amount of energy exchanged, the amount of concern that consumes me....lets me know that it is all apart of something far beyond my comprehension, far beyond my senses...far beyond any understanding of the universe that I may have. And, it hurts. As bad as it is for me, it's probably worse for him--IF he remembers any of it. Then, probably a seasoned drinker (lol, “probably”) There's a good chance that, well-- he does remember. Oh God no. If I could motion to be erased, I would. I've been trying to erase myself for the better part of a year, including and certainly not limited to August 4th--an attempt I can stand to think I had not fully recovered from by the time it all happened. What the fuck did happen? Though it can't be denied that each of us possesses some kind of magic--the origins of mine can be traced back, at least on one side. Powers I was ‘born with', as told by my father--something I only believed until I was old enough that it didn't make sense--and something I was forced to recognize once I was old enough that it did. I want to know what exactly it is that ties us... Where this love--which is what it is, undeniably-- originates. I've spent the better part of the last year praying and meditating, and attempting to loosen the knots in my stomach enough to self-soothe enough to settle that, at worst-- Sonny was just being a pretty white boy, looking for a good time--and I just became a victim by knowing how to have one. Alternately--how fuck fuck would he even know I exist? As i've stated, I was the epitome of a silent Skrillex fan, prior to all these spectacular occurrences. I may have, at some point online--said something about Skrillex being my Spirit Animal… (still true) But can't imagine what else might have been garnered in my attainable, tangible history, which would alert him of my existence at all. Then, with all the money in the world, you truly can do anything… And that's what I hate in all this. Him--having all the money in the world, and me, having none… The very thing that separates us from settlement, myself from closure. Really, the only thing I want. Closure. ‘I got love, fuck your money.' Sonny can be anyone--he's earned that right. He can be with anyone--deservingly so. I want for him the very best--and, knowing that I am not (physically, anyway) am dismissive of any judgement cast. I wouldn't want me, either--looks matter, I know. I just want to know what he means to me--in this lifetime, in this realm, in this reality. I didn't have to be moved from where I was to be inspired by him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being attracted to him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being connected through the music--I just always was. And it all came crashing down in a tent, at the bottom of the rabbit hole--where I lost my mind--after having already lost my soul, to something beyond the senses, long ago. I committed wholly and permanently to making music when Phoneixx died, almost 2 years ago. The point was never to sound like Skrillex, but rather to be like Skrillex, as an artist--but, after much speculative examination--I guess, I always was. I lost myself in the early days of Myspace. From First To Last rang through the hallways of my middle school's corridors. Chiodos carried me through the days of wrist-cutting and air-dust huffing, through the days of binging-and-purging, wishing I was prettier--and in the height of all that is the drama of living in my very own Teenaged Wasteland… The Rocket Summer was handed to me by the hands of an angel, as I transitioned out of awkward adolescent depression and into an almost-well-adjusted life at a performing arts school, as an aspiring musician, singer, dancer and storyteller… The dream that carried me out of Utah, and into the Heart of Hollywood at the age of 16… The dream I thought died, long ago. When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? Billie Ellish's spirit collided with mine, as the first time I heard her voice, I shattered inwardly, and shivered in the resonance that is the understanding of pain, born undoubtedly in love; I shuddered to think that someone so young could feel so devoid of the willingness to live, to move onward. My response upon first experiencing her music, of course, a genuine “...Is she ok?” Three little words. I tend to really mean them, any time I ask. “Are you OK?!” I blurted, as my entire self exploded into shock, as I immediately recognized the face I've known for years--and looked through the widened eyes of one so now devastatingly human--to something inside of myself. Something about my voice shifted him; He became a mirror for all my pain, all my doubt--all the shame I have, for all that I am-- my demons came straight to the surface. Voiceless, now, and shielded in the fetal position, we faced each other silently. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Sorry.', I thought loudly, as I lay panicking. I stared down into my chest, ashamed to be anything but invisible, thoughts racing. I dare not lift my head to look at him. My heart pounded, as I lay screaming silent apologies for my appearance--for my very presence, for my own existence. I couldn't process his presence in my reality. Choking back tears, I tried not even to so much as breathe, as I silently apologized for being born--and though I wanted nothing more than to reach out to hold him, I lay all-but-lifelessly--wondering what went so wrong that he would seek to find me. The familiar smell of liquor permeated the air, as my heart sank, throbbing as it pounded...I know an alcoholic, when I smell one. I did actually wonder if he was okay....(and I've been wondering daily, ever since.) But clearly, he wasn't okay. Clearly, I wasn't. Clearly, nobody's ok. He slipped his praying hands between my thighs, as I died inside--and all my outer senses blended to become all, and nothing at once, again. Exit Skrillex, Enter Sonny. How does a mere peasant earn a spot in the company of the Highest Priest? I've not bargained with the Devil, but begged the Heavens that my life would end before his...the First Fast emerged as a direct result of self-sacrifice; To serve as a protection against misjudgement--to realign my soul with it's true intensive purpose--in hopes that my body would shrink to form something suitable. The memory of his hands between my thighs, a haunting reminder that--I just may be too big for him… The reality is...of all that I am, and all that I have, and all that I wish to be...it just may be that--he's too big for me… metaphorically speaking. I'll have to become a damn-near Superstar, just to get to know the people--that know the people--that know the people, that know people who can connect me to Sonny, on any level. I'll have to get in line behind millions of other hopeful DJ's, producers, singers, dancers, songwriters--hundreds of thousands of entertainers who might kill-or-die to get to know Skrillex in any way-shape-or form. Romantically, I'd be competing against at least a million perfect-bodied beauty-queen fangirls who would do anything--and I mean anything--for their shot at Skrillex. The truth is, I'm not trying to get to know Skrillex; The truth is, i'd rather know Sonny. (Whatever that's supposed to mean, right?) I don't question at all our potential compatibility; there's no doubt in my mind that there's some chemistry between us--be it of ancient origin, an extra terrestrial genetic code, or otherwise...but I'd bet any money I actually had, that someone as highly regarded as Skrillex would be ridiculed, trolled, and tremendously hated by many, many fans--for associating with someone like me. I don't even know if it's like that--but, again--crawling into someone's tent is...kind of intimate. What in Heavens would one want with me, when he could have perfection-- Absolute perfection? I kind of get it. I'm used to being fetishised. I've always been the black girl who liked white guys--I've lead a life that's made it easy to learn that Jungle Fever is often taboo among the White Caucasion men who find black women attractive enough to fuck--but would never want to “date” us, or bring us home. I've learned that--at the end of the day-- most white guys, want white kids--even if they like to fuck black girls. Then, there's the added bonus of some genetic flaw which has allowed my body to at one point, have ballooned up to 380 pounds-- a body which, even after a 200+ pound weight loss, would disgust anyone with eyes, in what most would consider “cute rave attire”. And, although shrinking from a size 28 to a size 10 is somewhat of a ‘grand' achievement, I look like an asymmetrical potato sack with my clothes off. If there's anything I know about men--and especially the affluent ones--they love to have trophies to showcase. I've yet to see a body like mine on the red carpet, or as arm candy--or as the leading lady, anywhere. No, there's no such thing as a fat Cinderella. Still, he's one of the most handsome creatures i've ever seen-- undoubtedly one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet. I will continue to love what I know of him wholly and unconditionally. On my best days, I even hope to live long enough, and well enough to have the honor of properly meeting him. Never could I have the courage to ask him on a date--nor would I subject him to the cruelty of the outer world by alluding to the fact that he may, in fact be someone more important to me, than as just a musician--as with anyone i've ever loved, I only want for him the best. On my worst days, The Devil assures me that it was Annie he was really looking for, who he may have seen me with at the plethora of festivals we attended together last year--or perhaps, even Idania, who was supposed to have been there with me…and it would make sense. The Devil also constantly reminds me of how much prettier they both are than me--and better in every way. But, it was long ago that I came to terms with the fact that anyone who might come to love me--would also love Annie and would love her more thoroughly--her, having the more attractive body and face, being more ideally pretty. Standing next to Annie, I always lose. Even on a good day. All this, I can be sure to cast aside, however--because at the very best--he was looking for me, and everything between then-and-now builds into something of substance or significance… and at worse, my favorite figure in music absolutely hates me, and regrets my existence as much as I do. Either way, Skrillex hits hard any time of the day, any day of the week. And… Either way, Sonny hits home, all day, every day--until I can manage to learn to speak. Eight pages later, and it still hurts. Eight pages, and i'm still mad. I'm still crying. I'm still useless. I'm still stuck. Stuck on stupid. Stuck on Sonny. Stuck on Skrillex. Just… Stuck. And it hurts. 5/5 Another day. Nothing makes me hate myself more than waking up. ‘Don't look at the phone.' instructions, handed to me some time ago by the Divine--since then, I make it a point not to look at my phone, if I can help it, before I've sat up to pray, and meditate. Lately, I've been unable to relax at all enough to focus on a proper meditation, before realizing my actual self-worth (nothing), and falling into the depressive non-motion that has been me. How many evil men will it take being caught in the midst of, will it take for me to realize that I've been allowing myself to painfully absorb their essences, even without a single touch? Just living here alone has set me further back from my goals than I was--then--I'm beginning to feel that my ‘roomate' may have ties to White Supremacy; the evidence does just keep on building. It has occured to me that Jason's warning that Nick may be deep undercover for some Government agency is most likely true. Though I err on the side of not snooping through other peoples' things--I've happened to stumble across indicators which point to the likely case that he is, in fact, hired by the government or some other private entity--probably as part of some secret experiment, assigned to psycologically torture and disable mentally fragile individuals; It seems as though the experiement was designed in order to test morale, will power, self-control, and proper judgement-- tests which I've been concious of, but in the moment have not always cared about passing-or-failing. From the painful assortment of disgusting and obnoxious sounds make throughout the day, torturing me through unpleasant and peace-shattering sounds, left victimized by my synesthesia and recently pinpointed misophonia--or something similar...whatever it is that makes slamming doors, cabinets, and the items crashing to the floor after lazily being thrown across the room methods of torture. To the cavalcade of poisonous, sugary and addicted substances, which only seem to appear or are offered during crucial fasts--or, pushily and passive-aggressively left in my living space without asking whether or not i'd like any. Just left there, to be discovered upon finishing a shower, or returning from a nightly walk. And on days when I am actually hungry, or needing to eat? I am offered nothing. Only when I fast am I ever offered any sustenance. It says almost too much about my roomate as a person--to offer every time, or never at all would be acceptable, and understandable--but to only invite one to eat when one feels so ‘inclined' is beyond cruelty. It's privilege showing itself to be one of the only faces uglier than mine, that i'm aware of. While i've elected to use my headphones as a shield, life's not always easy immersed in a sound bath of isochronic tones and Theta Waves--and though it does excite me to have expanded my music library, with additions and updates I've been longing for ages-- it's almost more stressful to think about the amount of music that I don't have. Songs I would add to my “sets”, if you can call them that. If I can call myself a DJ--if I can call myself a person, anymore. Really, all I am is hurt feelings and trauma wrapped in flesh; I might be less of a person than I ever was, once. Everything costs--whether it be money, the world's currency--or time, the currency of the soul. Torturous is the life of an artist, who cannot herself make ‘art', as she sees fit. Everyone in Hollywood has a screenplay in their back pocket; Everyone in LA has a dream, two-to-three-jobs, and a side hustle--and me? I'm just learning to DJ to self-soothe, having given up hope of ever becoming anything greater than the happiest guest at the rave nearest you. It's harder than it looks….(or, maybe it isn't, and i'm just retarded.) Building a music collection worthy enough to grace the decks in any of my favorite venues, is an arduous task--maybe this is why all the popular DJs are pretty white boys--the proof is in the privilege. Money, money, money...I used to make plenty of it, and was always exhausted--now I make none, and am always exhausted. What's worth what cost? Time = Money. In LA, and in the world. But by anyone's definition--and especially mine--LA is the world. Or, at the very least, sets the tone for the world. Truly, nothing is free. DJing is more expensive than I could have ever imagined--once again, in any direction I turn, there's a ladder to climb. I've not got the time or energy left in my sadly depleting lifesource left to storm gates, crawling over heads and cutting down those in my way. While it's certain that ‘Competitive Greatness' is the key atop the Pyramid of Success, there are 14 other bricks below to lay the foundation of that which one might call success, to be garnered as imagined through the eyes of a man, anyway, who lived in the 1930's. John L. Wooden may have been right--and may still be right--if I were a standard male (we'll leave race out of it, for now…..for now.) Still, i've been using the Pyrimid of Success as a guidepost, in what it is exactly I may have to do, or be, in order to become something. Not even something great, just something. Perhaps, if I can make it to being something, eventually I might become someone. Oh, to be a person would be nice. For now, I'll just have to settle on tricking my useless sack of anatomy into being a DJ. There's nothing outside of it, anymore. Bass Canyon truly was my last rave--not that I enjoyed it, honestly. Though I've attempted to retrain my brain around the trauma which resulted from that weekend, it did serve as a turning point--a sort of going-away party, as I departed from my home as a no-holds-bar Kandi Kid. Happy Graduation, OG Raver! Little did I know that, with the multidimentionality of our universe, I would be presented, through the world of possibility--the ability to at least observe with the naked eye that there lie more beyond the decks-- a space that may have been made for me. I'll never forget the moment I knew I would be a DJ--or at least try, for the life (or the death) of me. Electric Daisy Carnival changed my life--an experience ten years in the making that catapulted me into the depths of my wildest dreams--unbeknownst to me that I hadn't yet the ability to swim, in such that is the tempest of my own subconscious mind. But--that part of this story deserves its own dedicated elaboration; For now, i'll only look back--and realize that it was there that I aligned with my highest self in the truest sense, that, at least then, I actually believed that I could become a top DJ. I've lost the flight to stay afloat in the salty sea that is the millions of other people trying to make it to the mainstages of our favorite places, and begun to sink into the reality of the entertainment industry as a whole...the reality of the world, as a whole anymore. Looking around at the world's top DJs is less encouraging and inspirational than it should be. Nearly every headliner looks like every kid who ever bullied me, every guy who ever turned me down--every kid hosting the party I wasn't invited to. As for the females of the bunch--I find it frustrating that not one yet has been of any color other than yellow--and even then--we all know the world's men love Asian women. While I can admire girls like Rezz and Allison Wonderland--I wonder what kind of career, if any, if either of them were black, or heavyset--or, my losing genetic combination: Both. Would a fat Allison Wonderland have ever made it into the industry? Would a black Rezz ever become a staple in bass music, and rave culture? If Softest. Hard had a pot belly, would she have been discovered? Then, there are up-and-comings beyond my complete comprehension--those who are visually appealing, but musically inept; I'll leave out any names, and still salute them--anyone who can wrap their brain around any standard DAW enough to make an entire song, is absolutely more talented, definitely more intelligent than I am. [I'm not.] But, I can't help but wonder: How easy was it for any of them, being so pretty, to learn to do what they do--just by being kind and asking a friend for help to learn production? In so many years of raving, I've watched beautiful girls get pulled backstage--and even pulled on stage, to connect with the artists and VIPs. I've been brought to tears as I've watched rude girls with porcelain faces caked in makeup be lifted over rails into the promised land, picked to be plucked by just her eyes and smile combined with the perfection of a flat and flawless stomach. Pretty girls always get priority. Me? Well, I get the dead eyes of the drunken DJ, staring down at me through his whiskey glass, as he beckons the stagehands to assist the perfect-bodied princess backstage...but i'm only front-and-center so I can feel the music move, and watch all the energy bounce around, matching the movement of the expert's hands on deck, to the waves of sound colliding with the rest of the world. True, my mind might wander to what wonderful experiences await the perfect princess, as she disappears behind the decks, into a world i've yet to know, but only seen: The life I know exists beyond the rails, beyond the decks...the world I can only wish to build, for myself. Big ugly black girls don't get pulled backstage. Big ugly black girls are token ancillary characters, it seems, in the plot which writes the story of the modern rave. In a sea of new-generation ravers raised by Kim Kardashian and YouTube makeup tutorials--left lost in a torturous chamber of perfection--women who can wear anything, beautifully. Women who get whatever they want, whenever they want--because they know they can; 10's, to my -3. Bottom Line: Looks matter, until all the men in the world go blind. Sad-but-true. I move not to objectify the women whose music and movement through the clearly sexist music entertainment industry. God only knows how hard each of them has worked to earn a spot so highly ranked amongst those to whom we all admire--the legends, the greats. Each woman behind the decks has become a reflection of everything I wish I ever was--but also a painful reminder of everything that I am not. Of every girl i've ever come behind. Perhaps, this is the result of growing up the as the only ‘black girl', in the backwards, racist po-dunk town I was transplanted into: A place where I spent years constantly being told, taught, and trained that it was more admirable to have light skin, blonde hair, blue eyes...then again, The Media has always done a particularly good job at creating and maintaining what the ideal beauty standard should be, or is--and an excellent job of perpetuating stereotypes. People never expect me to sound how I do, or to like what I like--because it's “white people stuff”; and ten years ago when I discovered raving, there wasn't another black girl (or boy!) in sight for miles, at any rave I went to. I was the oddity, the token--the “what the fuck” person, in an already entirely what-the-fuck place. Fast Forward to 2020: My Freshman Year as a DJ. And...as it appears, the world behind the decks is just as non-diverse as the dancefloor was when I first began this escapade through the world of immersive music. Do I want to be the first ethnically-bred Female DJ to reach the top? OF COURSE. Can I? It's not up to me. Now I'm confusededly caught in the web that is rumours circulating of an ongoing race-war, and wondering if I've been left to die smack-dab in the middle of it. Amongst currently living with a white supremacist (or, extremely ignorant and culturally intolerant biggoted racist at the very, very least.), it seems that White Superiority may be a driving theme amongst the Electronic Music Industry--that maybe the world I've rather grown up in, and come to love has more twists, turns, and dark alleys to look through than the obvious ‘secrets' that loom in the world of rave. All seeing is the eye that watches over all. Insomniac's crew is among one of the least racially diverse I've ever seen--if I were Pasqualle, I might think to at least try to make it look as though there were a plethora of ethnic backgrounds who work together to tie the knot holding together the world's biggest metaphorical kandi: Insomniac, the Kingdom of Mainstream rave culture. A global endeavor. I wonder how many i've come to admire--Pasqualle included-- are actually White Supremacists, masquerading in the power of positivity and their corporate capitalism, true beliefs and intentions. My curiosity about the man himself peaked during EDC weekend, after stumbling into sign after sign, symbol after symbol--of something I've aspired [in the past] to commit to, but also am wearlily aware of its adversity towards that of my kind; being firstly female, and secondly partially black. Now, I wonder--am I even allowed to enter into the world beyond the decks--or is that preserved for only women with perfect bodies, fair skin--attractive individuals? Does it belong only to those with money? Is there any possibility that there may be room for someone like me to enter the scene--or may only pretty girls with pretty bodies and pretty hair be allowed in the backstage world? Really, I just want to perform. I miss myself as a dancer, as a musician--as an actor, all together. I still wish I had continued on this path a decade ago, when--though weighing over 300 pounds--my confidence at least existed. Teaching myself to DJ has been one of the hardest things i've ever done; I don't know if I'm retarded, but I'm beginning to consider attempting to see someone for some kind of screening. If Paris Hilton can DJ, why is it so hard for me? If Sonny can dink around on a computer with a blown speaker, call himself ‘Skrillex' and make some of the world's most intricate music since that of Beethoven-- why can't I do the same? What makes the difference in all these YouTube tutorials telling me how to do it--and me actually being able to do it? What is it, that's wrong with my brain? But, it's all i've wanted for over a year--to be a DJ, at least. I've always been a musician; It's just been a stop-and-go, allowing for the rest of what has been my life to pass through between the times I could make music, and couldn't. I wish I had the positive support it takes to have encouraged me forward on the path I was already on, since I was 13--instead, I was told I was too fat (and too black) to succeed in the way I wanted to. 10 Years later and Lizzo is at the top of her game, while I beat myself up for losing at mine. Never could I have imagined a world where i'd see an album cover like hers; upon seeing it, I was not only shocked, but enraged: She was everything I was told I could not be. And the Truth Is: more than likely, someone told Lizzo the same thing I was told, and the difference is-- she didn't believe them, and kept moving forward. The difference is: She believed in herself, and loved herself enough to keep trying. The difference is, that everything I needed, I already had--I just never believed it to be so. I'm proud of her...but insanely jealous. My inner child cries “That should have been me.” Truth Hurts. There's more to it, than that; Envy lives in the cavernous pits deep within the confined Hell that is my subconscious mind--and--as the world begins to close in on itself, as consciousness continues expanding, I find myself fighting against the worst of my woes daily. Nowhere can I go without meeting a flawless, forward-figured, and facially exquisite female--rather than submit to catty jealousness, I have learned to admire and nod or bow as a gesture that I am a lesser creature. So now i'm left to wonder as I self-teach myself a trade, if my aspirations may ever be achieved, without possessing any outer beauty. All that's left in the world for me, now, is to become my own favorite DJ. (A title, of course, formerly belonging to Skrillex... ruined, by his untimely arrival as a physical person, into my actual life. More on that later...and infinitely.) I've lately begun asking myself “Is it really worth it?”...but, at the same time, I've never loved anything so much, as to fly on the wings of music--and so i've also wondered “What else will really make me happy?” Tough question. Ideally, I'm the entertainment Guru I always wished to be--not tied down to any one artform, but able to move about freely in all of them. There's no life without theatre--there's no light without entertainment. If living ideally, I could never be any-one-thing-- if living ideally, I am the embodiment of everything I love. But in a world where a snatched waist and a pretty face are a winning (and deadly) combination, I'm 0-0. Life of am ugly kid. Worse off yet, since even Hobo Johnson seems to have more confidence in his awkward and broken rhythms enough to speak his mind clearly enough for the rest of the world to resonate. Might be a good time to revisit, what it is exactly I came for. Perhaps, the answer is nothing: So far, I have nothing, make nothing, am nothing--if there is anything that I am, it's words on a piece of paper--just another ‘thing', another dreaming, wishful hopeful that I can rise above all that has been, and all that I am now...to become something more When training to match with the likes of the devil in preparation for battle against he, you must intend to figure, what the vehicle he has chosen has maintained to use as atool to help build you, as a Saint or an Angel--or one to break you, as Satan he. It has been a fruitful fas, but still i persist, though with a weary eye and curious mind, to the riddle i have yet been presente; ; Much ado about Chicken Soup. “Practice androgyny!” the two meet, immidiately fritening eachother; they transform-- One becomes dog, the other a cat--the cat begins to run. the dog pursues her. they run into a sunny meadow where a river feeds the wildlife and it is vibrant amongst the creatures; the cat climbs up a tree, and the [very friendly] dog stops at the base, looking up at her playfully, with an ask that she come down. She looks down from the tree at him, at a safe distance, and begins to relax on the I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? Dearest Sonny, I'm unsure quite how to explain myself to you--or if I can, or should explain myself at all.I guess I could start with “I'm sorry.”, but it's almost as if that doesn't quite cover it, and nothing does. Perhaps, i'll start with just “thank you”--thank you for being you--which is something that makes me more ‘myself' than anything, at best. Really though, that's probably a good place to start with the wholehearted apology I owe you; It cannot be easy being yourself, or navigating life with such prominence, importance--as I'm sure you never intended all that you are, as any gift-given may have come as a God-honest, and God-given surprise. That being said; God is only anything that I am --as is, anything that you are. The talent that you possess is insurmountably powerful...and has touched, changed, inspired millions--changing the world and the very fabric of time itself--no matter how unintentionally, in all your humility. Somewhere hidden, I too have talent. I only wish that in this lifetime, I were granted the confidence and charisma to be able to somehow express it. Music is the matter I find I am made of--without being able to express it, I only feel burdened, trapped. It is a beautiful language you speak--you, and the rest of the artists I've grown to admire. It is a language so soothing, I can only long to learn it; I'm afraid though that in this lifetime, too much time and opportunity has passed...in this modern, technologically fast-paced new world...i've been left behind. You are truly a good friend, indeed. In all the sense that it doesn't make, I honor you as someone who has inspired, motivated, comforted, and captivated consistently throughout my existence in this time, in this life; Though i've been in recent times, able to remember your essence in lifetimes past, it is in this lifetime that I find the most befuddling, how your music itself has seemed to find and follow me.Unexplainable, would be the word that I can most easily use to describe anything having to do with it--love, would be the other word. “I love you”, is, I guess, what I was trying to say by tapping you gently three times, before running away. Really though, there aren't many things I could have said, or done--i'd never really been “starstruck” before; but it would be quite a stretch to say that it was the first time I'd been left awestruck in your presence. Countless performances, club shows; Raves are my favorite, favorite thing--second to the feel, and sound of bass. “Synesthesia”, would be the vocabulary word that explained a lifelong fascination with laser lights and deep bass; in ten years of hugging subwoofers and losing myself in the drop wondering my early adulthood mantra “Why am I like this?” almost constantly, it never mattered more to me than it has now. I recall a time where I referred to Skrillex as my spirit animal--still true, I suppose, although considering the fact I've consciously separated the Skrillex of things from the Sonny Moore of it all. One in the same, or, two separate parts of a whole--I can undeniably say all my unconventional, unconditional “I love you, I love you, I love you's”, in the everything that you are. ‘In love', would be an understatement--though which statement to actually make, i'm unsure of. I'm unsure of a lot of things, really; I've made many honest (and dishonest mistakes) in this lifetime--walking away from you, one of them. But, I can't change that, anything about who I am--or anything about the world the way it is, for I am only one--and too small, too weak, and too tired. My soul wishes for the freedom that death will bring--and so, I must let it...as its simply much too hard to live moving forward with such a badly broken spirit. I want you to understand that it is not your fault; It's nothing to do with you, or anything that you've done--the way that I love is uncontainable, once the match has been lit. I apologize again that you've become a victim in the energy field that becomes somewhat of a vortex, once activated. I didn't mean to fall in love with you--I don't know really how it happened, it just did. Maybe you don't remember me. Maybe you do. It doesn't really matter now, I just want you to know that me leaving this life is no fault of yours. I love you wholeheartedly--wholeheartedly, too, I love myself--though, seemingly only from the inside-out; there's nothing I can do about the outer shell I've been trapped in all these years. This is my body; something I would neither burden nor embarrass you with. Apologies, and all my love to you. There's nothing I want for you more than to live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life--I hope that you and those surrounding you are always, always living in peace, with joy and love--without worry, or burden, or stress; in honesty, these arre my wishes for anyone on this planet..as my love for humanity itself has only seemed to quantify, as I near the end of my life. I love, love; sometimes, I believe that I *am* love, as are any of us--but as I draw nearer to the light, it becomes harder and harder for me to believe that anything else matters, or has ever mattered, more than love. I love you. It just may be that i'm the world's biggest Skrillex fan--but to look beyond the cloak of stardom has left me longing for the embodiment of a memorable, familiar soul: The you. The person, and being that actually is; which is to say--as I would for any of my closest friends--I'd go to hell-and-back for you, give my last for you, do anything to protect you--*you*, the person; wanting and needing, expecting nothing in the world--because I cannot see a world without you in it. I'm sorry again, for any negativity. I meant to leave you behind at least, something beautiful, in exchange for all the years and moment's i've experienced through your art--but as I've mentioned before, I am trapped within myself. Symphonies unsung, melodies unwritten--because I've not what it takes to make it. I won't depart without admitting I tried, Music is my all, my everything, my guiding light--so at least in going home, I know there will always, always be the World of Sound--perhaps Heaven in the place where I can live there. I don't know what else to say. You're one of the most beautiful people i've ever seen, from the inside out--before I saw you, I heard you; before I could hear you, you were felt. I will always love you...nothing much else can matter, except that you know that. I'll never be able to erase it from my mind, never be able to forget, or look past it. I may even never understand why. Ancient Egyptian knowledge, or whatever—is the thing it seems they were trying to convey. By they, I only mean—whoever it is that wanted to hurt me. From the men shouting “kill yourself” outside my window— To the flocks of gorgeous, perfect women with perfect waists, perfect fashion, perfect faces—flaunting and floating before me, taunting me, pointing and laughing—rolling eyes, and flipping hair— and giving looks that say “I know you wish you looked as good as me.” I do. I do wish that. I wish more than anything to be beautiful. But...I keep eating. My body is hideous. I hate everything about it. I could try harder, but even that hurts. Everything hurts. Especially my heart. Why was I not more panicked, that after such a phenomenon such as that, cast by shadows against my tent—that the zipper of the door began to move slowly, from one side to another. Perhaps, I wanted the company. Maybe I needed it. What I didn't need, was more excruciating pain. No one's fault, I guess—someone wants me dead. At this point, I think me, the most. I'll never forget that face. The shocker. “Why is Skrillex in my tent?” The looming question. A question I hadn't even the time to ask, before blurting out “Are you okay?!” He froze, I froze. I guess that's where my Skrillex and my Sonny collided, as my soul began the process of separating the music I adored, and the person who made it. I will never forget his eyes. Fear. I scared him. He scared me. He scarred me. Maybe it wasn't him. I know that it *was* in fact Sonny himself (the face is unmistakable, those eyes)—but perhaps he was put up to it. Paid, for the task. Maybe my deer-in-the-headlights makes it so that he is the hunter—? How could he have missed his shot? How could I have missed mine. I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? What medicine cures suicide? None I've taken, really—maybe Acid. Now, I can't seem to separate myself from Skrillex—or from Sonny—or from figuring out the two, or one in the same— or from figuring out myself, in that we are one in the same. I love him. Like a stupid teenager loves her favorite idol. Yeah, it's exactly like that, except worse—I'm a grown woman, a failure—whose aspirations and admirations are grandiose, and dillusional. Now I'm even more delusional. I thought, for a moment that Sonny might be in love with me. In honesty? Sometimes I still think that. I actually still believe that. So why this approach? I'm partially convinced he was paid to ‘finish the job', so to speak. I was already suicidal, and, fresh out of the hospital on the attempt to end my life that failed, again. So this would do it—make me hope and believe I could be something, someone, anyone—that I could be anything—even a superstar DJ-turned-future President. I'm a fucking joke. Someone, who could have anyone—in love with me? Maybe this is why people sneak into tents at music festivals: They don't love you— They just want to fuck. DAY 1: MAY 1ST, 2020; If I am offered dinner, will eat--but if not, will continue forward. Will set an alarm for 3:30 AM once roommate has gone to bed to check for his keys. Everyone gets their own suicide letter. Mom Dad Bearr Annie Yesenia Sonny (just leave it to Annie w/ his rock && burn book) Let everybody know it's not their fault. Reasons: 1. Fat 2. Ugly 3. Black 4. Poor 5. Unsuccessful 6. Friendless 7. No Charisma 8. Single I don't know why I numbered them. Do you really need more than one reason to kill yourself? (no.) I believe i”ve started the fast that I was asked. Be it that I have, the date is May 1st, 2020--however, I've been wondering if my roommate leaves the keys to his car in an accessible place; I'm kind of hoping so. I'm already craving to eat, and the first 24 hours have yet to pass. Again, i'm always given the open to keep this date and continue forward, so long that I eat before midnight--however, nothing seems like the right answer; The matter of fasting has become a damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don't matter...it seems that everything I do is ‘wrong', though right-and-wrong are subjective, and multidimensionally, objective, even. I probably might have been dead by now, if my car battery hadn't died...it seems like the easiest and least painful way; something easy and quiet. I've thought about sharpening a knife, just to cut and let [myself] bleed out at the wrist--but then, I fear that I may panic and that my mind would fight to survive. I've thought about hanging from one of my favorite trees-- but haven't the money left to buy any rope--which, perhaps, I could steal--but to steal enough rope to hang myself with on foot? A tricky task, to say the least. So, really, some of me is hoping my roommate leaves his keys out. At first, the thought of committing my suicide here was unsettling. My roommate, Satan's personal favorite vehicle and overall negative void of a ‘person' (or vampire, honestly), is a drama Queen--he needs not only conflict and drama to survive, but fiends for it; something in me had somehow become too proud to give him something to girlishly blabber about with his narcissistic, simple friends--I can already hear the repetitive exclamations of “horror” that would more-than-likely delight him as he recounts the story of finding my body, over-and-over...at first it rather haunted me, and now i've come to peace with--bargaining that having him find my body would be something of a statement, which wordlessly reads “sticks and stones may break my bones but words got up and killed me.” Words. Little words. Big Words. Actions. Gestures. If it's negative, I can feel it in my body, before it even happens; If it's positive, it can leave me radiating for days on end, and without a care. My “living situation” has been nothing more than a prolonging of my already disastrously failed and predominately miserable life. A mentally-ill and often psychotic mother, followed by a too- young marriage to a dynamically similar person, has left me up Shit's creek with no boat; I'm pushing 30 with no significant other, and no significance at all. There are generations of perfect people, fresh out of high school--who can and will do everything I ever thought possible or imaginable, better than me. And it's my fault. NO ENTRY ON DAY 2. Gave Myself A “Skrillex” haircut. Wow. Fuck my life. DAY 3: The fast will end today, more than likely. I am overwhelmed with grief, at loss for motivation, and struggling to believe there is any positive outcome to anything I do. I'm already getting headaches, and acute hunger pains--usually these things don't happen until well after the third day. I suppose my body is telli

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The Legend of S Ū P ∆ C Я E E ™
Aftermath. (Unreleased) Sunnï Blū, -the kidd. {THE TIME CAPSULE}

The Legend of S Ū P ∆ C Я E E ™

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2023 4:55


this is a cringeworthy read, i'm sure of it. {THE TIME CAPSULE] Here lies everything I won't delete, but wouldn't dare to publish (as of yet), and therefore banish to the land and/or realm of impossibility, where everything entirely consists of unimaginable, unfathomable, inconceivable, never-ever-happened ( or will) unexistence. Nothing Here Exists. Amen. (I didn't write this.) The Colenel's Jounal. “Would he be mad reading this shit? “ I mean. I have to step back at this point and admit to reading this shit to myself at this point, that... I stumbled upon an interview with none other than The Great Mike Tyson--who--if coincidences actually existed--coincidentally dated my mother oh-way-back-when. I remember the shenanigans she went through to get him to sign a pair of boxing gloves for an auction she hosted, once, when I was younger. For that, I've always gotten a little chuckle, whenever I've randomly ended up watching something. Dude is funny. As for other dude? I'm so lost. It's almost like Insomniac (or whoever) can read my thoughts--or at the very least, my text messages. It's been a year of strangeness, and I'm now more lost than found. Why is Pasqualle so strangely familiar? What is this connection, i'm missing? Who am I, if not S U P A C R E E? I'm aware of my cosmic insignificance, my societal displacement. I am nothing useful that I know of, but it seems so that I've been being followed. So maybe he's not a white supremacist, after all...he seems to love as much as I do--if not more. So, that one's my fault, as everything is. I wonder if the window of opportunity has truly closed. I wonder what to make of all this, at all. I'm so, so confused, and so lost, and so… ...confused... First, I levitated. Still can't get over that (literally) Then....everything else. Literally everything else. From playing drums at Ruskos set, to weirdly making my way to Excision, just “following a vibe”--my failed suicide attempt, and running away to Bass Canyon where, everything in my reality officially shattered. Now, here I am...about to be homeless, jobless, and lost in love. I can't shake it off anymore, I can't let it go. My brain's wrapped around all of it, all the time. Prayers, Mantras, Methods. I'm driving myself crazy trying to wish away the pain. I need to be...need to be… … Needed. Bearr needs me. Sometimes, in all the pain--I fail to see that. But he does--and if I can't make it in show business...how are we meant to survive? There's no room for depression and poverty in motherhood. After losing the twins...I just can't. I can't be sad and parent at the same time. And, maybe that makes me weak. Maybe it makes me stupid. Maybe I've just had enough. But there's nothing I wouldn't give just to know that there's love, somewhere out there for me. Is it selfish that that's all I want? I think i'm a good person, but maybe i'm wrong. I can account for hundreds of premonitions, predictions, visions--outstanding sensitivity to energy...but how could I misread, and misjudge, so easily? Something inside me never really made it out of that tent. Then, going back--maybe it was all of me, that never made it out of that ambulance. Am I just the special kid in class--and it's obvious I've been left behind? When I hear myself speak aloudt, I wonder if I am retarded. I feel other people also wonder. Either way, how would anyone have known about my musical history so broadly, as it's been displayed? There's no going back from it. I can't go back to being a regular “Skrillex” fan. It's almost like...almost like I can't go back at all. And I miss that, a lot--just being able to be honest about what my taste in music is, who my favorite musician is…. I tense up when I hear the word “Skrillex”. In good company, I can shrug it off, I guess…. But on any regular day, it still feels deep. It doesn't leave my mind, ever. I can pretend to move on, but I can't unlove. I can't unlove. So, i'm two-for-two...three-for-three, if you count Josh Pan's video, where his face swells up and he turns into a reptile… I remember waking up for work with swollen eyes, and bulging, puffy skin...the way the spiral to insanity began...not with suicide, at all--at least, in the traditional sense. I was working 80 hours a week. I needed it--I needed out of my marriage. Pasqualle's sweater Sonny's Sweater, now falling apart--because, yes--I've worn it every day for nearly a year. A red, white, and blue blanket, reminding me of my presidential ambitions--which have since, not faded...but become realistically reflected with this sense that, I have much to fulfill between now-and-never. I'll only run for President if I can afford it. I can only afford it if I am successful in music. I found it heartwarming that Mike Tyson is so enamoured by the culture. To see him swell with joy, such as I have, upon discovering the world of raves. Apparently, there will be some kind of permanent Oasis, someday...I hope I live to see it. Better yet, I hope I live to play there. I want my chance on all the stages, as selfish as it may seem. To earn a place behind the decks, an unrealized dream. But, can I find it to become all that it takes? To read and move a room, to create and connect with people, live onstage. To inspire a crowd--telling a story with music. To give love, the best way that I can. I miss myself...but no I don't. I do miss never having to worry about whether I was too fat to be found attractive by someone I vehemently admire--but never thought about sexually, in all of the years i've loved watching him live. But, its a vibe. Much ado about Elon Musk. I'm not smart enough to become a rocket scientist--and it's too late for me to become an astronaut, as I once dreamed...but there's something in the space above us all, that seems to connect the space between us all--and it's almost as is the walls are caving in. Time and space continues to collapse upon itself. I might be broken forever...but then, I always was. Who'd have thought the Grand Prize for your third suicide attempt is a Skrillex? I'm cursed, in the way that...it won't fall off. My brain won't un-Sonny itself. I'm on default to give a fuck now, and there's no turning back. I guess this is what I get for hating on *fangirls*...now i am one. Problem is, I'm a lot less cute. How often does shit like this happen? There's hypnosis through music--and then there's losing your entire soul to something outside of yourself. Why and how am I so out of place, in this world? ‘You're too good for this world.' Nothing's been forgotten, it's just getting more suppressed. I can pretend to move on, but I won't. I just found the Holy Mecca of research for my weird, invasive project. Apparently DeadMau5 had some kind of comedy show, or something--called “coffee run” It seems to be about...2014, but haven't bothered to check yet--I'm sure, though that this predates the infamous ‘fued'. Blah blah blah--i'm learning too much about these people. People. Real people. ...was interrupted to watch the new episode of Rick and Morty; Lucky me. One half-hour and several belly-rolling laughs later, I'm back...with slightly more self confidence that, if The Heavens grant me whatever kind of combination of confidence and focus that it will take to bring the Festival Saga If nobody's sampled this video, I've stumbled upon a literal goldmine. Life imitates art--and music imitates music. “I love it when it's super sweaty.” (How do I resonate with this so well?) “ A Los Angeles Real Estate Guy In Torono”, says Dillon. “Yeah, there's a few of those.”, Joel recants, stoically. Now i'm watching people who never mattered on YouTube, in a finally “Sonny says…” If i can ever make my brain learn the magic that makes something like Ableton somehow turn into a banger. “Does he drive?!” I've wondered this myself. “I don't think he does.” I knew it. Dillon Francis' awkwardness is reminiscent of mine...again, here I am wondering...who I might be if I were born a white male--if nothing was changed, but the body. CRUSTPUNKS. How did I get here? Oh, yeah. I specifically opened an incognito window to...fuck it. I know what I'm here for. The thing is, I don't know what i'm blessed with. I don't know that i'm talented… It could all just be a Grand Delusion… Do I hate myself enough to try this? A movie where the entirety of the fabric of [my] universe is music, and the musicians that make it. A universe that already existed in the Multiverse of Rick and Morty, since it's strange inception into my being. Wait, how the fuck did I get here? I was already on a writing tangent Probably--I hate enough to “ i get to go home--not tomorrow, but the next day” This experience is becoming so humanizing. It is a job, this music shit--Touring takes you everywhere but home. What the fuck is ‘home?' Perhaps I am meant for this shit, after all. I don't have a home, anyway. I also don't have any music under my belt, but--with any luck, I can pump out the LP I promised my twins. Today Marks 5 years since Skyy passed away. May 23rd will be 2 years, since Phoenixx left us. It's not a good time of year, for grief. With no friends I can trust (Annie's Toxicity is again rearing its head), no family that loves me the way a family should...I find myself completely isolating from what Love is, almost forgetting what it might have felt like. “How often are you home?” “KAAAAHHHHHHHHHN” If i'm ever lucky enough to learn how to make Dupstep--that deserves to go before a fucking deadly drop. I've officially seen Skrillex more times in person than ever on video--which disincluded, of course, the tent incident--something I'm realizing that if I'm unable to catch up with myself in time, I'll have to live with forever. Can I answer my own prayers? At this point, i've given up any expectation of what it might be like to achieved enough to earn any kind of place in that world *their* world... 5/6/2020 Life is unfair sometimes. Like--do I want tacos, or divine inspiration? Do I put off fasting for yet another day, just for the temporary comfort and satisfaction of eating? Does limiting my eating to once every 24-hour-or-less suffice as enough of a self-sacrifice, that my prayers might be answered? I highly doubt that it is, but still--I often ride the line between just allowing myself to feel good when I can (and food does, make me feel so....so good) and remaining steady in my fasting. Then, it has been over 6 months of almost constant fasting and praying, all over someone I haven't properly met--all over myself. Because, the longer I stay in this mindset--the clearer it becomes that it is all the same. At the core, there's only really one thing in existence. Skyy will have passed away 5 years ago tomorrow. To think, I should have had 5-year-old twins. They would have been so beautiful; I've never quite imagined them so, umti now. I miss my babies so much. Will I ever be okay again? I thought to record a song for Skyy, but it would never be ready by tomorrow, in the perfect way that I would want it to be. I don't want to put out anything less than the best. I'm being as patient as I possibly can with teaching myself--but grow frustrated in my limitations. The only thing standing between me, and the tools I need to make the music I have...is me. (Really, it's money.) Lack of money is keeping me from being unstoppable. With unlimited money, I'd have a home--I could fully pay all 4-years of my tuition at UCLA….ny dream school. I'd study music, anthropology, astrology….maybe even engineering. I can't make myself prettier--but I can make myself smarter. Google University just isn't cutting it. I want to make a difference in the world by any means, and i'm trapped behind the gate of poverty. I just want a closet full of harem pants, chuck taylors, and T-shirts with stuff I like on them. I just want to wear my kandi every day. I just want to be behind the decks atop the stages of my favorite places… I want to be someone's favorite DJ. I want to be one of my favorite DJ's favorite DJ I, I, I… How selfish. What does the world need? Less people. Well, i'm honestly one-less, I guess, if I can;t make it in music, in art. If I can't make a decent living just by being myself...i'm not meant to live at all. That much is true--no life worth living includes waking up every day to go to a job I hate, that barely pays my bills. No life is worth living that Something strange happens to me when my favorite people go ‘live' on instagram Social Media, a young demon with whom I constantly evade, when I am not forcibly fighting to fit the status quo (which, I cannot.) Watching my social media right now is like the digital equivalent of “You can't sit with us.” I've grown attached to OWSLA like some sort of distant, imaginary family--only, I know this is something I've just embedded into my mind--the ultimate wishful thinking. Everything I do seems fragile, as if the grid I had discovered not only exists in the outer world, but also my inner--that everything I do, think, say, sing, speak makes a difference in what will happen moving forward. Reawakening my center has been difficult, saying the very least--I am almost paralyzed by negativity--made catatonic through senses with which I cannot control; My ‘home' life has become a hell where i'll-spirits and pitiful thoughts are cast about me--in reality, I have no home. In truth, I'm unsure that I have any purpose, either. It's all been bothering me… Now it's something that just hurts, like everything else. Add to the pain, subtract from willingness to live. Add to the trauma, subtract from the motivation to succeed. How much of my fault is this? Who did it? What is it for? Amongst the most otherworldly of theories, the possibility that extraterrestrials had actual involvement in removing Sonny from wherever he was supposed to be (Burning Man, albeit) and placing him where I was. I've wondered how else the dancing shadows cast against the canvas of the tent were so perfectly made-- ancient egyptian prophecies foretold as a light show, in the moments leading up to the one where the entirety of my being was shifted, in an instant. I dreamed of a B2B with Skrillex, and instead got a face-to-face with Sonny Moore. One, apparently, does not quite equal the other. Eight (or so) months later, and I've filtered through all the stages of grief--for all of the ways I had to lose him--as much as one could be lost, without actually dying. But, perhaps I am dead. My soul and spirit at least, are trapped, and tainted torturously from all I've come to gather. Running into the night, like a bat fresh out of hell, away from the visions I was forced to have from our exchange-- I can only imagine, had I acted any differently and stayed, rather than fled what else I may have seen. In only the few short moments we shared together...I was able to see more of his life than for anyone I've ever ‘seen' for, besides myself. To have, after only a few moments--seen both backwards into his past--and forwards into a seemingly shared future of some sort. I don't know what else to call this creepy psychic shit, other than “seeing”. To even call myself a “seer” would be a heavy title, I'd be too uncomfortable to claim. Still, vivid memories of the dude's past--and chilling premonitions of the future, have left me disgustingly sick with a concern that wholly did not exist, beforehand. But, when faced with the question: “What would it be like to actually lose him?” I fucking lost it. I've never taken well to celebrity deaths--perhaps, overly sensitive in ways that suite absolutely nobody--I just so happen to have fallen apart numerous times, upon learning of the passing of those i've long cherished. I collapsed fully at Michael Jackson's passing, scrolling through the African TV channels in disbelief, as I desperately searched for a News Channel in English to confirm that it was indeed, true. This was, of course, a couple years after I cried for hours with Back to Black on repeat in the wake of Amy Winehouses' death--going even further back, I can recall arguing with a classmate that Steve Erwin, another hero, was brave--rather than ‘stupid', and undeserving of his untimeley demise. A special place lies in my heart for the day I remember losing Robin Williams-- a weird memory which collides in the now, with my affinity for Skrillex music and the strange outer connectivity my emotions seem to have in the passing of those I wholeheartedly admire; I've shed tears for Whitney Houston, Prince--I've shed tears for all of them. But none so much as for Skrillex, who is [surprisingly] still alive… And I'm mad about it. I'm mad about it, because I was [partially] happy in my place, as a fan. I wasn't even the best fan, or the biggest fan (metaphorically speaking--physically, though--I probably hold a record of some sort.) I wasn't following his social media--I wasn't following his anything, honestly. I was just crossing my fingers that with every lineup released, I might find the name “Skrillex” plastered to the top of it, or standing out broadly against the other ‘S' names, if alphabetically presented. I'm mad about it, because I hate myself. I've been hating myself my entire life. But i've never hated that I loved Skrillex--in fact, I've always been quite proud, having watched the project skyrocket, as EDM penetrated pop-culture in the years following my college endeavors. Never really thought to think that at any point, we might be equals. We're not--outwardly, anyway. Inwardly, though? Fuck me. It's like I'm bound to it by the roots of the Tree of Life. Like something in my DNA was activated by an overabundance of Skrillex. I've undoubtedly, and by far crossed the threshold of having listened to 10,000 Hours of Skrillex, guaranteed. No calculations needed. Still, there are perhaps millions of others who share the same affinity--and at least a few thousands who are more outwardly obsessive than in. It works, when I need to know something I'd rather just ask Sonny myself, but can't--there's always a kid in the fan pool who has been quick to find whatever information I'm looking for, long, long before I've come to look for it. Poor guy. For almost an entire year, that's all I've really been able to think. ‘Poor guy.' Because, if the roles were reversed--and for whatever reason I decided to make my way into someone's tent at a music festival (I wouldn't) and I scared them into a shock, resulting in them fleeing away from me--I'd feel like shit. And, if I had been touring my entire life and watched the culture grow and morph into the nearly unmanageable able monster it has become--i'd feel like shit. If I had to watch an ambulance cart away someone in the crowd during one of my sets, I'd feel like shit. If I had to do a live set while I felt like shit, I'd feel like shit. and ...if some random fan fell head over heels in love with me, simply because I crawled into her tent, or made really good music, or made her feel some kind of way… I'd feel like shit. And that shit probably happens all the time. It's been 10 long years for me, with Skrillex-- but I can't imagine how long the last 10 years have been, as Skrillex. Now I think about all the shit DJs go through, being DJs….what's more, I've had to give in-depth thought to what it means to be a celebrity at all--what it might be like to have someone grow an obsession over you--unprovokingly. Although my ‘obsession' for this particular person can't technically be considered ‘unprovoked' (I was minding my own business, after all--and Skrillex was not on the lineup.) I can't help but feel for those in the limelight whose charisma and talent combined attract every type of creeper imaginable. I'm just the kind of creeper that wants to make music; any previous searches as an attempt to ‘get to know' Skrillex, previous to last August, originated in attempting to comprehend how to create such organic sounds--exploring and studying how intricately layered and carefully arranged each of my favorite sounds and songs were made. Piecing together how exactly an artist like such, had become as such. Now, i'm just entangled in self-doubt, as it seems the entire next generation is equipped with whatever skillset it takes to become an electronic musician. Self-doubt, as I fear that my body weight intimidated him as much as his presence intimidated me. Again: All me. All bad. I've nowhere to turn to to unleash this shit--it has to be a secret-- and even letting it slip to Annie in the isolation of the aftermath has felt like a mistake, since I allowed it to happen. Can I keep a secret? Ha. There are things that only I know, certainly. The premonition I did subtly speak of, I refused to unearth in detail, even to Annie. The other visions I was made to have, still my own secret; I've begun to wonder if, upon meeting Sonny, I would keep it to myself; I suppose that would depend on nature and context. But, I think about it every day. It is my first thought upon waking up, my final thought before coming to rest--it has permeated into the only dreams I ever have anymore--crowds my semi-waking thoughts as I toss-and-turn throughout the night; the amount of energy exchanged, the amount of concern that consumes me....lets me know that it is all apart of something far beyond my comprehension, far beyond my senses...far beyond any understanding of the universe that I may have. And, it hurts. As bad as it is for me, it's probably worse for him--IF he remembers any of it. Then, probably a seasoned drinker (lol, “probably”) There's a good chance that, well-- he does remember. Oh God no. If I could motion to be erased, I would. I've been trying to erase myself for the better part of a year, including and certainly not limited to August 4th--an attempt I can stand to think I had not fully recovered from by the time it all happened. What the fuck did happen? Though it can't be denied that each of us possesses some kind of magic--the origins of mine can be traced back, at least on one side. Powers I was ‘born with', as told by my father--something I only believed until I was old enough that it didn't make sense--and something I was forced to recognize once I was old enough that it did. I want to know what exactly it is that ties us... Where this love--which is what it is, undeniably-- originates. I've spent the better part of the last year praying and meditating, and attempting to loosen the knots in my stomach enough to self-soothe enough to settle that, at worst-- Sonny was just being a pretty white boy, looking for a good time--and I just became a victim by knowing how to have one. Alternately--how fuck fuck would he even know I exist? As i've stated, I was the epitome of a silent Skrillex fan, prior to all these spectacular occurrences. I may have, at some point online--said something about Skrillex being my Spirit Animal… (still true) But can't imagine what else might have been garnered in my attainable, tangible history, which would alert him of my existence at all. Then, with all the money in the world, you truly can do anything… And that's what I hate in all this. Him--having all the money in the world, and me, having none… The very thing that separates us from settlement, myself from closure. Really, the only thing I want. Closure. ‘I got love, fuck your money.' Sonny can be anyone--he's earned that right. He can be with anyone--deservingly so. I want for him the very best--and, knowing that I am not (physically, anyway) am dismissive of any judgement cast. I wouldn't want me, either--looks matter, I know. I just want to know what he means to me--in this lifetime, in this realm, in this reality. I didn't have to be moved from where I was to be inspired by him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being attracted to him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being connected through the music--I just always was. And it all came crashing down in a tent, at the bottom of the rabbit hole--where I lost my mind--after having already lost my soul, to something beyond the senses, long ago. I committed wholly and permanently to making music when Phoneixx died, almost 2 years ago. The point was never to sound like Skrillex, but rather to be like Skrillex, as an artist--but, after much speculative examination--I guess, I always was. I lost myself in the early days of Myspace. From First To Last rang through the hallways of my middle school's corridors. Chiodos carried me through the days of wrist-cutting and air-dust huffing, through the days of binging-and-purging, wishing I was prettier--and in the height of all that is the drama of living in my very own Teenaged Wasteland… The Rocket Summer was handed to me by the hands of an angel, as I transitioned out of awkward adolescent depression and into an almost-well-adjusted life at a performing arts school, as an aspiring musician, singer, dancer and storyteller… The dream that carried me out of Utah, and into the Heart of Hollywood at the age of 16… The dream I thought died, long ago. When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? Billie Ellish's spirit collided with mine, as the first time I heard her voice, I shattered inwardly, and shivered in the resonance that is the understanding of pain, born undoubtedly in love; I shuddered to think that someone so young could feel so devoid of the willingness to live, to move onward. My response upon first experiencing her music, of course, a genuine “...Is she ok?” Three little words. I tend to really mean them, any time I ask. “Are you OK?!” I blurted, as my entire self exploded into shock, as I immediately recognized the face I've known for years--and looked through the widened eyes of one so now devastatingly human--to something inside of myself. Something about my voice shifted him; He became a mirror for all my pain, all my doubt--all the shame I have, for all that I am-- my demons came straight to the surface. Voiceless, now, and shielded in the fetal position, we faced each other silently. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Sorry.', I thought loudly, as I lay panicking. I stared down into my chest, ashamed to be anything but invisible, thoughts racing. I dare not lift my head to look at him. My heart pounded, as I lay screaming silent apologies for my appearance--for my very presence, for my own existence. I couldn't process his presence in my reality. Choking back tears, I tried not even to so much as breathe, as I silently apologized for being born--and though I wanted nothing more than to reach out to hold him, I lay all-but-lifelessly--wondering what went so wrong that he would seek to find me. The familiar smell of liquor permeated the air, as my heart sank, throbbing as it pounded...I know an alcoholic, when I smell one. I did actually wonder if he was okay....(and I've been wondering daily, ever since.) But clearly, he wasn't okay. Clearly, I wasn't. Clearly, nobody's ok. He slipped his praying hands between my thighs, as I died inside--and all my outer senses blended to become all, and nothing at once, again. Exit Skrillex, Enter Sonny. How does a mere peasant earn a spot in the company of the Highest Priest? I've not bargained with the Devil, but begged the Heavens that my life would end before his...the First Fast emerged as a direct result of self-sacrifice; To serve as a protection against misjudgement--to realign my soul with it's true intensive purpose--in hopes that my body would shrink to form something suitable. The memory of his hands between my thighs, a haunting reminder that--I just may be too big for him… The reality is...of all that I am, and all that I have, and all that I wish to be...it just may be that--he's too big for me… metaphorically speaking. I'll have to become a damn-near Superstar, just to get to know the people--that know the people--that know the people, that know people who can connect me to Sonny, on any level. I'll have to get in line behind millions of other hopeful DJ's, producers, singers, dancers, songwriters--hundreds of thousands of entertainers who might kill-or-die to get to know Skrillex in any way-shape-or form. Romantically, I'd be competing against at least a million perfect-bodied beauty-queen fangirls who would do anything--and I mean anything--for their shot at Skrillex. The truth is, I'm not trying to get to know Skrillex; The truth is, i'd rather know Sonny. (Whatever that's supposed to mean, right?) I don't question at all our potential compatibility; there's no doubt in my mind that there's some chemistry between us--be it of ancient origin, an extra terrestrial genetic code, or otherwise...but I'd bet any money I actually had, that someone as highly regarded as Skrillex would be ridiculed, trolled, and tremendously hated by many, many fans--for associating with someone like me. I don't even know if it's like that--but, again--crawling into someone's tent is...kind of intimate. What in Heavens would one want with me, when he could have perfection-- Absolute perfection? I kind of get it. I'm used to being fetishised. I've always been the black girl who liked white guys--I've lead a life that's made it easy to learn that Jungle Fever is often taboo among the White Caucasion men who find black women attractive enough to fuck--but would never want to “date” us, or bring us home. I've learned that--at the end of the day-- most white guys, want white kids--even if they like to fuck black girls. Then, there's the added bonus of some genetic flaw which has allowed my body to at one point, have ballooned up to 380 pounds-- a body which, even after a 200+ pound weight loss, would disgust anyone with eyes, in what most would consider “cute rave attire”. And, although shrinking from a size 28 to a size 10 is somewhat of a ‘grand' achievement, I look like an asymmetrical potato sack with my clothes off. If there's anything I know about men--and especially the affluent ones--they love to have trophies to showcase. I've yet to see a body like mine on the red carpet, or as arm candy--or as the leading lady, anywhere. No, there's no such thing as a fat Cinderella. Still, he's one of the most handsome creatures i've ever seen-- undoubtedly one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet. I will continue to love what I know of him wholly and unconditionally. On my best days, I even hope to live long enough, and well enough to have the honor of properly meeting him. Never could I have the courage to ask him on a date--nor would I subject him to the cruelty of the outer world by alluding to the fact that he may, in fact be someone more important to me, than as just a musician--as with anyone i've ever loved, I only want for him the best. On my worst days, The Devil assures me that it was Annie he was really looking for, who he may have seen me with at the plethora of festivals we attended together last year--or perhaps, even Idania, who was supposed to have been there with me…and it would make sense. The Devil also constantly reminds me of how much prettier they both are than me--and better in every way. But, it was long ago that I came to terms with the fact that anyone who might come to love me--would also love Annie and would love her more thoroughly--her, having the more attractive body and face, being more ideally pretty. Standing next to Annie, I always lose. Even on a good day. All this, I can be sure to cast aside, however--because at the very best--he was looking for me, and everything between then-and-now builds into something of substance or significance… and at worse, my favorite figure in music absolutely hates me, and regrets my existence as much as I do. Either way, Skrillex hits hard any time of the day, any day of the week. And… Either way, Sonny hits home, all day, every day--until I can manage to learn to speak. Eight pages later, and it still hurts. Eight pages, and i'm still mad. I'm still crying. I'm still useless. I'm still stuck. Stuck on stupid. Stuck on Sonny. Stuck on Skrillex. Just… Stuck. And it hurts. 5/5 Another day. Nothing makes me hate myself more than waking up. ‘Don't look at the phone.' instructions, handed to me some time ago by the Divine--since then, I make it a point not to look at my phone, if I can help it, before I've sat up to pray, and meditate. Lately, I've been unable to relax at all enough to focus on a proper meditation, before realizing my actual self-worth (nothing), and falling into the depressive non-motion that has been me. How many evil men will it take being caught in the midst of, will it take for me to realize that I've been allowing myself to painfully absorb their essences, even without a single touch? Just living here alone has set me further back from my goals than I was--then--I'm beginning to feel that my ‘roomate' may have ties to White Supremacy; the evidence does just keep on building. It has occured to me that Jason's warning that Nick may be deep undercover for some Government agency is most likely true. Though I err on the side of not snooping through other peoples' things--I've happened to stumble across indicators which point to the likely case that he is, in fact, hired by the government or some other private entity--probably as part of some secret experiment, assigned to psycologically torture and disable mentally fragile individuals; It seems as though the experiement was designed in order to test morale, will power, self-control, and proper judgement-- tests which I've been concious of, but in the moment have not always cared about passing-or-failing. From the painful assortment of disgusting and obnoxious sounds make throughout the day, torturing me through unpleasant and peace-shattering sounds, left victimized by my synesthesia and recently pinpointed misophonia--or something similar...whatever it is that makes slamming doors, cabinets, and the items crashing to the floor after lazily being thrown across the room methods of torture. To the cavalcade of poisonous, sugary and addicted substances, which only seem to appear or are offered during crucial fasts--or, pushily and passive-aggressively left in my living space without asking whether or not i'd like any. Just left there, to be discovered upon finishing a shower, or returning from a nightly walk. And on days when I am actually hungry, or needing to eat? I am offered nothing. Only when I fast am I ever offered any sustenance. It says almost too much about my roomate as a person--to offer every time, or never at all would be acceptable, and understandable--but to only invite one to eat when one feels so ‘inclined' is beyond cruelty. It's privilege showing itself to be one of the only faces uglier than mine, that i'm aware of. While i've elected to use my headphones as a shield, life's not always easy immersed in a sound bath of isochronic tones and Theta Waves--and though it does excite me to have expanded my music library, with additions and updates I've been longing for ages-- it's almost more stressful to think about the amount of music that I don't have. Songs I would add to my “sets”, if you can call them that. If I can call myself a DJ--if I can call myself a person, anymore. Really, all I am is hurt feelings and trauma wrapped in flesh; I might be less of a person than I ever was, once. Everything costs--whether it be money, the world's currency--or time, the currency of the soul. Torturous is the life of an artist, who cannot herself make ‘art', as she sees fit. Everyone in Hollywood has a screenplay in their back pocket; Everyone in LA has a dream, two-to-three-jobs, and a side hustle--and me? I'm just learning to DJ to self-soothe, having given up hope of ever becoming anything greater than the happiest guest at the rave nearest you. It's harder than it looks….(or, maybe it isn't, and i'm just retarded.) Building a music collection worthy enough to grace the decks in any of my favorite venues, is an arduous task--maybe this is why all the popular DJs are pretty white boys--the proof is in the privilege. Money, money, money...I used to make plenty of it, and was always exhausted--now I make none, and am always exhausted. What's worth what cost? Time = Money. In LA, and in the world. But by anyone's definition--and especially mine--LA is the world. Or, at the very least, sets the tone for the world. Truly, nothing is free. DJing is more expensive than I could have ever imagined--once again, in any direction I turn, there's a ladder to climb. I've not got the time or energy left in my sadly depleting lifesource left to storm gates, crawling over heads and cutting down those in my way. While it's certain that ‘Competitive Greatness' is the key atop the Pyramid of Success, there are 14 other bricks below to lay the foundation of that which one might call success, to be garnered as imagined through the eyes of a man, anyway, who lived in the 1930's. John L. Wooden may have been right--and may still be right--if I were a standard male (we'll leave race out of it, for now…..for now.) Still, i've been using the Pyrimid of Success as a guidepost, in what it is exactly I may have to do, or be, in order to become something. Not even something great, just something. Perhaps, if I can make it to being something, eventually I might become someone. Oh, to be a person would be nice. For now, I'll just have to settle on tricking my useless sack of anatomy into being a DJ. There's nothing outside of it, anymore. Bass Canyon truly was my last rave--not that I enjoyed it, honestly. Though I've attempted to retrain my brain around the trauma which resulted from that weekend, it did serve as a turning point--a sort of going-away party, as I departed from my home as a no-holds-bar Kandi Kid. Happy Graduation, OG Raver! Little did I know that, with the multidimentionality of our universe, I would be presented, through the world of possibility--the ability to at least observe with the naked eye that there lie more beyond the decks-- a space that may have been made for me. I'll never forget the moment I knew I would be a DJ--or at least try, for the life (or the death) of me. Electric Daisy Carnival changed my life--an experience ten years in the making that catapulted me into the depths of my wildest dreams--unbeknownst to me that I hadn't yet the ability to swim, in such that is the tempest of my own subconscious mind. But--that part of this story deserves its own dedicated elaboration; For now, i'll only look back--and realize that it was there that I aligned with my highest self in the truest sense, that, at least then, I actually believed that I could become a top DJ. I've lost the flight to stay afloat in the salty sea that is the millions of other people trying to make it to the mainstages of our favorite places, and begun to sink into the reality of the entertainment industry as a whole...the reality of the world, as a whole anymore. Looking around at the world's top DJs is less encouraging and inspirational than it should be. Nearly every headliner looks like every kid who ever bullied me, every guy who ever turned me down--every kid hosting the party I wasn't invited to. As for the females of the bunch--I find it frustrating that not one yet has been of any color other than yellow--and even then--we all know the world's men love Asian women. While I can admire girls like Rezz and Allison Wonderland--I wonder what kind of career, if any, if either of them were black, or heavyset--or, my losing genetic combination: Both. Would a fat Allison Wonderland have ever made it into the industry? Would a black Rezz ever become a staple in bass music, and rave culture? If Softest. Hard had a pot belly, would she have been discovered? Then, there are up-and-comings beyond my complete comprehension--those who are visually appealing, but musically inept; I'll leave out any names, and still salute them--anyone who can wrap their brain around any standard DAW enough to make an entire song, is absolutely more talented, definitely more intelligent than I am. [I'm not.] But, I can't help but wonder: How easy was it for any of them, being so pretty, to learn to do what they do--just by being kind and asking a friend for help to learn production? In so many years of raving, I've watched beautiful girls get pulled backstage--and even pulled on stage, to connect with the artists and VIPs. I've been brought to tears as I've watched rude girls with porcelain faces caked in makeup be lifted over rails into the promised land, picked to be plucked by just her eyes and smile combined with the perfection of a flat and flawless stomach. Pretty girls always get priority. Me? Well, I get the dead eyes of the drunken DJ, staring down at me through his whiskey glass, as he beckons the stagehands to assist the perfect-bodied princess backstage...but i'm only front-and-center so I can feel the music move, and watch all the energy bounce around, matching the movement of the expert's hands on deck, to the waves of sound colliding with the rest of the world. True, my mind might wander to what wonderful experiences await the perfect princess, as she disappears behind the decks, into a world i've yet to know, but only seen: The life I know exists beyond the rails, beyond the decks...the world I can only wish to build, for myself. Big ugly black girls don't get pulled backstage. Big ugly black girls are token ancillary characters, it seems, in the plot which writes the story of the modern rave. In a sea of new-generation ravers raised by Kim Kardashian and YouTube makeup tutorials--left lost in a torturous chamber of perfection--women who can wear anything, beautifully. Women who get whatever they want, whenever they want--because they know they can; 10's, to my -3. Bottom Line: Looks matter, until all the men in the world go blind. Sad-but-true. I move not to objectify the women whose music and movement through the clearly sexist music entertainment industry. God only knows how hard each of them has worked to earn a spot so highly ranked amongst those to whom we all admire--the legends, the greats. Each woman behind the decks has become a reflection of everything I wish I ever was--but also a painful reminder of everything that I am not. Of every girl i've ever come behind. Perhaps, this is the result of growing up the as the only ‘black girl', in the backwards, racist po-dunk town I was transplanted into: A place where I spent years constantly being told, taught, and trained that it was more admirable to have light skin, blonde hair, blue eyes...then again, The Media has always done a particularly good job at creating and maintaining what the ideal beauty standard should be, or is--and an excellent job of perpetuating stereotypes. People never expect me to sound how I do, or to like what I like--because it's “white people stuff”; and ten years ago when I discovered raving, there wasn't another black girl (or boy!) in sight for miles, at any rave I went to. I was the oddity, the token--the “what the fuck” person, in an already entirely what-the-fuck place. Fast Forward to 2020: My Freshman Year as a DJ. And...as it appears, the world behind the decks is just as non-diverse as the dancefloor was when I first began this escapade through the world of immersive music. Do I want to be the first ethnically-bred Female DJ to reach the top? OF COURSE. Can I? It's not up to me. Now I'm confusededly caught in the web that is rumours circulating of an ongoing race-war, and wondering if I've been left to die smack-dab in the middle of it. Amongst currently living with a white supremacist (or, extremely ignorant and culturally intolerant biggoted racist at the very, very least.), it seems that White Superiority may be a driving theme amongst the Electronic Music Industry--that maybe the world I've rather grown up in, and come to love has more twists, turns, and dark alleys to look through than the obvious ‘secrets' that loom in the world of rave. All seeing is the eye that watches over all. Insomniac's crew is among one of the least racially diverse I've ever seen--if I were Pasqualle, I might think to at least try to make it look as though there were a plethora of ethnic backgrounds who work together to tie the knot holding together the world's biggest metaphorical kandi: Insomniac, the Kingdom of Mainstream rave culture. A global endeavor. I wonder how many i've come to admire--Pasqualle included-- are actually White Supremacists, masquerading in the power of positivity and their corporate capitalism, true beliefs and intentions. My curiosity about the man himself peaked during EDC weekend, after stumbling into sign after sign, symbol after symbol--of something I've aspired [in the past] to commit to, but also am wearlily aware of its adversity towards that of my kind; being firstly female, and secondly partially black. Now, I wonder--am I even allowed to enter into the world beyond the decks--or is that preserved for only women with perfect bodies, fair skin--attractive individuals? Does it belong only to those with money? Is there any possibility that there may be room for someone like me to enter the scene--or may only pretty girls with pretty bodies and pretty hair be allowed in the backstage world? Really, I just want to perform. I miss myself as a dancer, as a musician--as an actor, all together. I still wish I had continued on this path a decade ago, when--though weighing over 300 pounds--my confidence at least existed. Teaching myself to DJ has been one of the hardest things i've ever done; I don't know if I'm retarded, but I'm beginning to consider attempting to see someone for some kind of screening. If Paris Hilton can DJ, why is it so hard for me? If Sonny can dink around on a computer with a blown speaker, call himself ‘Skrillex' and make some of the world's most intricate music since that of Beethoven-- why can't I do the same? What makes the difference in all these YouTube tutorials telling me how to do it--and me actually being able to do it? What is it, that's wrong with my brain? But, it's all i've wanted for over a year--to be a DJ, at least. I've always been a musician; It's just been a stop-and-go, allowing for the rest of what has been my life to pass through between the times I could make music, and couldn't. I wish I had the positive support it takes to have encouraged me forward on the path I was already on, since I was 13--instead, I was told I was too fat (and too black) to succeed in the way I wanted to. 10 Years later and Lizzo is at the top of her game, while I beat myself up for losing at mine. Never could I have imagined a world where i'd see an album cover like hers; upon seeing it, I was not only shocked, but enraged: She was everything I was told I could not be. And the Truth Is: more than likely, someone told Lizzo the same thing I was told, and the difference is-- she didn't believe them, and kept moving forward. The difference is: She believed in herself, and loved herself enough to keep trying. The difference is, that everything I needed, I already had--I just never believed it to be so. I'm proud of her...but insanely jealous. My inner child cries “That should have been me.” Truth Hurts. There's more to it, than that; Envy lives in the cavernous pits deep within the confined Hell that is my subconscious mind--and--as the world begins to close in on itself, as consciousness continues expanding, I find myself fighting against the worst of my woes daily. Nowhere can I go without meeting a flawless, forward-figured, and facially exquisite female--rather than submit to catty jealousness, I have learned to admire and nod or bow as a gesture that I am a lesser creature. So now i'm left to wonder as I self-teach myself a trade, if my aspirations may ever be achieved, without possessing any outer beauty. All that's left in the world for me, now, is to become my own favorite DJ. (A title, of course, formerly belonging to Skrillex... ruined, by his untimely arrival as a physical person, into my actual life. More on that later...and infinitely.) I've lately begun asking myself “Is it really worth it?”...but, at the same time, I've never loved anything so much, as to fly on the wings of music--and so i've also wondered “What else will really make me happy?” Tough question. Ideally, I'm the entertainment Guru I always wished to be--not tied down to any one artform, but able to move about freely in all of them. There's no life without theatre--there's no light without entertainment. If living ideally, I could never be any-one-thing-- if living ideally, I am the embodiment of everything I love. But in a world where a snatched waist and a pretty face are a winning (and deadly) combination, I'm 0-0. Life of am ugly kid. Worse off yet, since even Hobo Johnson seems to have more confidence in his awkward and broken rhythms enough to speak his mind clearly enough for the rest of the world to resonate. Might be a good time to revisit, what it is exactly I came for. Perhaps, the answer is nothing: So far, I have nothing, make nothing, am nothing--if there is anything that I am, it's words on a piece of paper--just another ‘thing', another dreaming, wishful hopeful that I can rise above all that has been, and all that I am now...to become something more When training to match with the likes of the devil in preparation for battle against he, you must intend to figure, what the vehicle he has chosen has maintained to use as atool to help build you, as a Saint or an Angel--or one to break you, as Satan he. It has been a fruitful fas, but still i persist, though with a weary eye and curious mind, to the riddle i have yet been presente; ; Much ado about Chicken Soup. “Practice androgyny!” the two meet, immidiately fritening eachother; they transform-- One becomes dog, the other a cat--the cat begins to run. the dog pursues her. they run into a sunny meadow where a river feeds the wildlife and it is vibrant amongst the creatures; the cat climbs up a tree, and the [very friendly] dog stops at the base, looking up at her playfully, with an ask that she come down. She looks down from the tree at him, at a safe distance, and begins to relax on the I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? Dearest Sonny, I'm unsure quite how to explain myself to you--or if I can, or should explain myself at all.I guess I could start with “I'm sorry.”, but it's almost as if that doesn't quite cover it, and nothing does. Perhaps, i'll start with just “thank you”--thank you for being you--which is something that makes me more ‘myself' than anything, at best. Really though, that's probably a good place to start with the wholehearted apology I owe you; It cannot be easy being yourself, or navigating life with such prominence, importance--as I'm sure you never intended all that you are, as any gift-given may have come as a God-honest, and God-given surprise. That being said; God is only anything that I am --as is, anything that you are. The talent that you possess is insurmountably powerful...and has touched, changed, inspired millions--changing the world and the very fabric of time itself--no matter how unintentionally, in all your humility. Somewhere hidden, I too have talent. I only wish that in this lifetime, I were granted the confidence and charisma to be able to somehow express it. Music is the matter I find I am made of--without being able to express it, I only feel burdened, trapped. It is a beautiful language you speak--you, and the rest of the artists I've grown to admire. It is a language so soothing, I can only long to learn it; I'm afraid though that in this lifetime, too much time and opportunity has passed...in this modern, technologically fast-paced new world...i've been left behind. You are truly a good friend, indeed. In all the sense that it doesn't make, I honor you as someone who has inspired, motivated, comforted, and captivated consistently throughout my existence in this time, in this life; Though i've been in recent times, able to remember your essence in lifetimes past, it is in this lifetime that I find the most befuddling, how your music itself has seemed to find and follow me.Unexplainable, would be the word that I can most easily use to describe anything having to do with it--love, would be the other word. “I love you”, is, I guess, what I was trying to say by tapping you gently three times, before running away. Really though, there aren't many things I could have said, or done--i'd never really been “starstruck” before; but it would be quite a stretch to say that it was the first time I'd been left awestruck in your presence. Countless performances, club shows; Raves are my favorite, favorite thing--second to the feel, and sound of bass. “Synesthesia”, would be the vocabulary word that explained a lifelong fascination with laser lights and deep bass; in ten years of hugging subwoofers and losing myself in the drop wondering my early adulthood mantra “Why am I like this?” almost constantly, it never mattered more to me than it has now. I recall a time where I referred to Skrillex as my spirit animal--still true, I suppose, although considering the fact I've consciously separated the Skrillex of things from the Sonny Moore of it all. One in the same, or, two separate parts of a whole--I can undeniably say all my unconventional, unconditional “I love you, I love you, I love you's”, in the everything that you are. ‘In love', would be an understatement--though which statement to actually make, i'm unsure of. I'm unsure of a lot of things, really; I've made many honest (and dishonest mistakes) in this lifetime--walking away from you, one of them. But, I can't change that, anything about who I am--or anything about the world the way it is, for I am only one--and too small, too weak, and too tired. My soul wishes for the freedom that death will bring--and so, I must let it...as its simply much too hard to live moving forward with such a badly broken spirit. I want you to understand that it is not your fault; It's nothing to do with you, or anything that you've done--the way that I love is uncontainable, once the match has been lit. I apologize again that you've become a victim in the energy field that becomes somewhat of a vortex, once activated. I didn't mean to fall in love with you--I don't know really how it happened, it just did. Maybe you don't remember me. Maybe you do. It doesn't really matter now, I just want you to know that me leaving this life is no fault of yours. I love you wholeheartedly--wholeheartedly, too, I love myself--though, seemingly only from the inside-out; there's nothing I can do about the outer shell I've been trapped in all these years. This is my body; something I would neither burden nor embarrass you with. Apologies, and all my love to you. There's nothing I want for you more than to live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life--I hope that you and those surrounding you are always, always living in peace, with joy and love--without worry, or burden, or stress; in honesty, these arre my wishes for anyone on this planet..as my love for humanity itself has only seemed to quantify, as I near the end of my life. I love, love; sometimes, I believe that I *am* love, as are any of us--but as I draw nearer to the light, it becomes harder and harder for me to believe that anything else matters, or has ever mattered, more than love. I love you. It just may be that i'm the world's biggest Skrillex fan--but to look beyond the cloak of stardom has left me longing for the embodiment of a memorable, familiar soul: The you. The person, and being that actually is; which is to say--as I would for any of my closest friends--I'd go to hell-and-back for you, give my last for you, do anything to protect you--*you*, the person; wanting and needing, expecting nothing in the world--because I cannot see a world without you in it. I'm sorry again, for any negativity. I meant to leave you behind at least, something beautiful, in exchange for all the years and moment's i've experienced through your art--but as I've mentioned before, I am trapped within myself. Symphonies unsung, melodies unwritten--because I've not what it takes to make it. I won't depart without admitting I tried, Music is my all, my everything, my guiding light--so at least in going home, I know there will always, always be the World of Sound--perhaps Heaven in the place where I can live there. I don't know what else to say. You're one of the most beautiful people i've ever seen, from the inside out--before I saw you, I heard you; before I could hear you, you were felt. I will always love you...nothing much else can matter, except that you know that. I'll never be able to erase it from my mind, never be able to forget, or look past it. I may even never understand why. Ancient Egyptian knowledge, or whatever—is the thing it seems they were trying to convey. By they, I only mean—whoever it is that wanted to hurt me. From the men shouting “kill yourself” outside my window— To the flocks of gorgeous, perfect women with perfect waists, perfect fashion, perfect faces—flaunting and floating before me, taunting me, pointing and laughing—rolling eyes, and flipping hair— and giving looks that say “I know you wish you looked as good as me.” I do. I do wish that. I wish more than anything to be beautiful. But...I keep eating. My body is hideous. I hate everything about it. I could try harder, but even that hurts. Everything hurts. Especially my heart. Why was I not more panicked, that after such a phenomenon such as that, cast by shadows against my tent—that the zipper of the door began to move slowly, from one side to another. Perhaps, I wanted the company. Maybe I needed it. What I didn't need, was more excruciating pain. No one's fault, I guess—someone wants me dead. At this point, I think me, the most. I'll never forget that face. The shocker. “Why is Skrillex in my tent?” The looming question. A question I hadn't even the time to ask, before blurting out “Are you okay?!” He froze, I froze. I guess that's where my Skrillex and my Sonny collided, as my soul began the process of separating the music I adored, and the person who made it. I will never forget his eyes. Fear. I scared him. He scared me. He scarred me. Maybe it wasn't him. I know that it *was* in fact Sonny himself (the face is unmistakable, those eyes)—but perhaps he was put up to it. Paid, for the task. Maybe my deer-in-the-headlights makes it so that he is the hunter—? How could he have missed his shot? How could I have missed mine. I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? What medicine cures suicide? None I've taken, really—maybe Acid. Now, I can't seem to separate myself from Skrillex—or from Sonny—or from figuring out the two, or one in the same— or from figuring out myself, in that we are one in the same. I love him. Like a stupid teenager loves her favorite idol. Yeah, it's exactly like that, except worse—I'm a grown woman, a failure—whose aspirations and admirations are grandiose, and dillusional. Now I'm even more delusional. I thought, for a moment that Sonny might be in love with me. In honesty? Sometimes I still think that. I actually still believe that. So why this approach? I'm partially convinced he was paid to ‘finish the job', so to speak. I was already suicidal, and, fresh out of the hospital on the attempt to end my life that failed, again. So this would do it—make me hope and believe I could be something, someone, anyone—that I could be anything—even a superstar DJ-turned-future President. I'm a fucking joke. Someone, who could have anyone—in love with me? Maybe this is why people sneak into tents at music festivals: They don't love you— They just want to fuck. DAY 1: MAY 1ST, 2020; If I am offered dinner, will eat--but if not, will continue forward. Will set an alarm for 3:30 AM once roommate has gone to bed to check for his keys. Everyone gets their own suicide letter. Mom Dad Bearr Annie Yesenia Sonny (just leave it to Annie w/ his rock && burn book) Let everybody know it's not their fault. Reasons: 1. Fat 2. Ugly 3. Black 4. Poor 5. Unsuccessful 6. Friendless 7. No Charisma 8. Single I don't know why I numbered them. Do you really need more than one reason to kill yourself? (no.) I believe i”ve started the fast that I was asked. Be it that I have, the date is May 1st, 2020--however, I've been wondering if my roommate leaves the keys to his car in an accessible place; I'm kind of hoping so. I'm already craving to eat, and the first 24 hours have yet to pass. Again, i'm always given the open to keep this date and continue forward, so long that I eat before midnight--however, nothing seems like the right answer; The matter of fasting has become a damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don't matter...it seems that everything I do is ‘wrong', though right-and-wrong are subjective, and multidimensionally, objective, even. I probably might have been dead by now, if my car battery hadn't died...it seems like the easiest and least painful way; something easy and quiet. I've thought about sharpening a knife, just to cut and let [myself] bleed out at the wrist--but then, I fear that I may panic and that my mind would fight to survive. I've thought about hanging from one of my favorite trees-- but haven't the money left to buy any rope--which, perhaps, I could steal--but to steal enough rope to hang myself with on foot? A tricky task, to say the least. So, really, some of me is hoping my roommate leaves his keys out. At first, the thought of committing my suicide here was unsettling. My roommate, Satan's personal favorite vehicle and overall negative void of a ‘person' (or vampire, honestly), is a drama Queen--he needs not only conflict and drama to survive, but fiends for it; something in me had somehow become too proud to give him something to girlishly blabber about with his narcissistic, simple friends--I can already hear the repetitive exclamations of “horror” that would more-than-likely delight him as he recounts the story of finding my body, over-and-over...at first it rather haunted me, and now i've come to peace with--bargaining that having him find my body would be something of a statement, which wordlessly reads “sticks and stones may break my bones but words got up and killed me.” Words. Little words. Big Words. Actions. Gestures. If it's negative, I can feel it in my body, before it even happens; If it's positive, it can leave me radiating for days on end, and without a care. My “living situation” has been nothing more than a prolonging of my already disastrously failed and predominately miserable life. A mentally-ill and often psychotic mother, followed by a too- young marriage to a dynamically similar person, has left me up Shit's creek with no boat; I'm pushing 30 with no significant other, and no significance at all. There are generations of perfect people, fresh out of high school--who can and will do everything I ever thought possible or imaginable, better than me. And it's my fault. NO ENTRY ON DAY 2. Gave Myself A “Skrillex” haircut. Wow. Fuck my life. DAY 3: The fast will end today, more than likely. I am overwhelmed with grief, at loss for motivation, and struggling to believe there is any positive outcome to anything I do. I'm already getting headaches, and acute hunger pains--usually these things don't happen until well after the third day. I suppose my body is telli

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TBS eFM This Morning
0130 [Social Puzzles] with Raphael Rashid & Beth Hong

TBS eFM This Morning

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 30, 2023 20:18


Guests: Raphael Rashid, Beth Hong / Freelance Journalists1. Abolishment of Seoul Ordinance of Student Rights2. Ministry of Gender Equality announces 'adultery without consent'1. 서울학생인권조례안 제정 11년…폐지 여부 놓고 논란2. 여가부, '비동의 간음죄' 추진See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

That's On Point!
131 House GOP Demanding The Big Asks

That's On Point!

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 24, 2023 29:50


Welcome back, to That's On Point! Your weekly test of the Emergency Podcast System. Today we discuss the newly GOP-controlled House finally asking for the Big Asks like Abolishing the IRS. Website - https://www.thatsonpoint.infoMerch - https://teespring.com/stores/thats-on-point-merchFollow Us On;Bitchute-https://www.bitchute.com/channel/8SXcz1rqDyu7/YouTube-https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNHroldv9kuaatarS7uclAMinds: https://www.minds.com/thatsonpoint/ToP Clips: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn_fZ4JhHN05YLijsdmkYSQ/Support Us On;Subscribe Star-https://www.subscribestar.com/that-s-on-pointPatreon-https://www.patreon.com/ThatsOnPoint?fan_landing=tru

Mark Reardon Show
Discussing the potential abolishment of the cash bail in Illinois

Mark Reardon Show

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 3, 2023 39:23


In the final hour of The Mark Reardon Show with Brad Young filling in, Tim Graham with the Research Media Center joins to discuss the current issues with the mainstream media. He then discusses the potential abolishment of the cash bail in Illinois and the issues it could lead to.

Think Out Loud
Oregon moving closer to effective abolishment of the death penalty

Think Out Loud

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 19, 2022 21:39


Frank Thompson oversaw the only two state executions in the last 50 years in Oregon, the most recent in 1997. He's been working to abolish capital punishment ever since. Former Governor John Kitzhaber placed a moratorium on the practice in 2011, which Gov. Kate Brown extended in her administration. In 2019, the legislature narrowed the crimes that are eligible for the death penalty. And last week Brown commuted the sentences of the last remaining death row inmates and ordered the dismantling of the execution chamber itself, moving Oregon closer than it's been in decades to being a state without capital punishment. Thompson joins us to share his reflections about his experience and the direction the state is headed.Rosemary Brewer is the executive director of the Oregon Crime Victims Law Center. She says the people she represents have their own perspectives on the death penalty, and those attitudes reflect a wide range -- just like all Oregonians. But she says victims have a right under the Oregon Constitution to have a meaningful role in the justice system. Brewer says whether or not there was a legal obligation to victims or not, giving significant notice to victims when their offender's death sentence is being commuted would reflect empathy and respect. In the recent commutations, victims were notified the same day. Brewer joins us to talk about the role that respect for victims plays in the justice system at large.

Unstoppable Mindset
Episode 77 – Unstoppable Transformational Changer with Shilpa Alimchandani

Unstoppable Mindset

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 22, 2022 62:58


Shilpa Alimchandani immigrated from India to the United States when only a few months old. As with many immigrants we have interviewed here on Unstoppable Mindset, Shilpa grew up experiencing two worlds. As she describes it, she grew up in a South Asian home experiencing that culture, and later she experienced the wider world around her as she went to school and went out on her own. Her perspectives on her life and what she has learned are fascinating to hear about.   As you will experience, in addition to living, if you will, between two cultures, the color of her skin also caused her to experience challenges. Her “brown skin” did not fit within the normal world of dark-skinned people and her skin was certainly not white. As she tells us, some of the treatment she experienced showed her just how unfair people can be. However, as you will hear, she rose above much of that and has thrived in the world.   Shilpa will tell you about her life journey that lead her to form her company, MUK-tee which means “liberation” in Sanskrit. You will hear about her life as a leadership coach and as a DEI consultant helping many to move toward true transformational change.   About the Guest:   Shilpa Alimchandani is the Founder and Principal of Mookti Consulting. Mookti Consulting partners with clients to break free from oppressive systems and facilitate transformational change. In Sanskrit, mookti मुक्ति (MUK-tee) means liberation. Shilpa has more than 20 years of experience in diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI), leadership development, and intercultural learning. She is a DEI consultant, leadership coach, and facilitator who works with clients to develop holistic solutions that lead to transformational change. In her independent consulting practice, Shilpa has conducted DEI assessments, co-created DEI strategies with clients, facilitated high-impact workshops, and advised clients on issues of racial equity and justice. In her role as the Director of Learning & Innovation for Cook Ross, she built the learning and development function from the ground up and led the organization's curriculum and product development initiatives. With her deep knowledge of various learning modalities, intercultural leadership development, and human-centered design, Shilpa is able to craft interventions that are targeted, impactful, and appropriate for diverse, global audiences. Before her work at Cook Ross, Shilpa designed and implemented global leadership programs for the State Department, led the development of a global learning strategy for the Peace Corps, and taught in the School of International Service at American University. She has facilitated trainings in nearly 20 countries around the world, and has received numerous awards, including twice receiving the Peace Corps' Distinguished Service Award. She is the author of the book Communicating Development Across Cultures: Monologues & Dialogues in Development Project Implementation (Lambert Academic Publishing, 2010), and has been an invited speaker at numerous conferences, including The Forum on Workplace Inclusion and the Society for Intercultural Education, Training, and Research (SIETAR). She has also been a guest lecturer at numerous academic institutions, including Georgetown University and the United States Institute of Peace.   Social Media Links: Website: mookticonsulting.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shilpaalimchandani/     About the Host: Michael Hingson is a New York Times best-selling author, international lecturer, and Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe. Michael, blind since birth, survived the 9/11 attacks with the help of his guide dog Roselle. This story is the subject of his best-selling book, Thunder Dog.   Michael gives over 100 presentations around the world each year speaking to influential groups such as Exxon Mobile, AT&T, Federal Express, Scripps College, Rutgers University, Children's Hospital, and the American Red Cross just to name a few. He is Ambassador for the National Braille Literacy Campaign for the National Federation of the Blind and also serves as Ambassador for the American Humane Association's 2012 Hero Dog Awards.   https://michaelhingson.com https://www.facebook.com/michael.hingson.author.speaker/ https://twitter.com/mhingson https://www.youtube.com/user/mhingson https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhingson/   accessiBe Links https://accessibe.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/accessiBe https://www.linkedin.com/company/accessibe/mycompany/ https://www.facebook.com/accessibe/       Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.   Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.     Transcription Notes Michael Hingson  00:00 Access Cast and accessiBe Initiative presents Unstoppable Mindset. The podcast where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Hi, I'm Michael Hingson, Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe and the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, Thunder dog, the story of a blind man, his guide dog and the triumph of trust. Thanks for joining me on my podcast as we explore our own blinding fears of inclusion unacceptance and our resistance to change. We will discover the idea that no matter the situation, or the people we encounter, our own fears, and prejudices often are our strongest barriers to moving forward. The unstoppable mindset podcast is sponsored by accessiBe, that's a c c e s s i  capital B e. Visit www.accessibe.com to learn how you can make your website accessible for persons with disabilities. And to help make the internet fully inclusive by the year 2025. Glad you dropped by we're happy to meet you and to have you here with us.   Michael Hingson  01:21 Hi there you are listening to unstoppable mindset glad you're with us wherever you happen to be. Today we get to interview or chat with Shilpa Alimchandani and I got it right didn't I Shilpa   Michael Hingson  01:37 and Shilpa has formed her own company. She's worked with other companies. She's very much involved in the whole concept of diversity, equity and inclusion and we'll talk about that and and chat about that a little bit. But first Shilpa Welcome to unstoppable mindset.   Shilpa Alimchandani  01:56 Thank you, Michael. I'm really happy to be here.   Michael Hingson  01:58 Shilpa lives in Silver Spring, Maryland. I've been there before it gets colder in the winter a little bit colder than it does here in Victorville in Southern California. But we're up on what's called the high desert. So we get down close to zero. A lot of winters. And so we know the cold weather. We don't get the snow though. But we cope. Well. Thank you for joining us. Why don't you start if you would by telling us just a little bit about you growing up or anything like that things that you think we ought to know about you?   Shilpa Alimchandani  02:32 Okay, well, Thanks, Michael. Yeah, I live in Silver Spring, Maryland now. But this is not where I grew up. I grew up in the Midwest, in the suburbs of St. Louis, Missouri. I was actually born in India, but just a few months old, when I came here, to the US, so grew up in, you know, pretty suburban neighborhood in South Asian families, so kind of navigated between two worlds my world at home, and you know, which was very much a South Asian eating Indian food and speaking Hindi. And, you know, spending time with my family and our small community, in St. Louis, and then going to school and being part of a broader world that was really different than mine at home. And I'm the firstborn in my family. So as a first born of immigrant parents, you just kind of discovering everything for myself for the first time and not having much of a guidebook to help me along, but just sort of figuring it out as I went. And it was a mostly white neighborhood that I grew up in St. Louis, which was very segregated at the time, black and white. Not a lot of people who are anything in between, though, so kind of made my way in school. And I actually went to the University of Missouri Columbia for college. And it wasn't until I finished college that I moved out to the East Coast. And I've stayed here in the DC metro area since working in lots of different capacities in in nonprofit and higher education and government and the private sector, and now as an independent consultant for the fast past few years.   Michael Hingson  04:22 So where do you fall in the black and white scale?   Shilpa Alimchandani  04:25 I'm neither right so as someone as South Asian did not kind of fit into the dominant white majority culture that I was a part of growing up and did not fit into black American culture either because that's not my heritage. So it was a really interesting space to, to navigate to learn in, in a in a culture where race and skin color plays a big role in your identity development and the opposite. unities that you have, you know, it was something that I had to just sort of figure out where do I fit? You know, and what's what's my role in what appears to be kind of an unfair system that we're a part of. And then as I discovered how unfair things were, might the question became, well, how do I change that? What's my role? Being me and my brown skin? You know, to? to question the systems that are unfair? And to change things to be more equitable for everybody?   Michael Hingson  05:32 Do you think it's unfair all over the world? Do you think it's more or less unfair here? Or what?   Shilpa Alimchandani  05:39 Yeah, that's a great question. I mean, every place is unique. And so I don't think like, you know, necessarily, what we experienced in the United States is the same as it is, and other countries in this hemisphere or anywhere else in the world. And I think there are some global themes around power and identity that really can cut across cultures and countries, you know, human beings are used to kind of creating hierarchies, you know, and, you know, some people having more authority, more power than others, sometimes that's based on things like skin color, sometimes, you know, that's based on gender, sometimes that's based on caste, or that's based on tribe or some other ethnic identity, there are lots of different identities that are used to kind of implement that hierarchical system. But there are some things that are in common across all of them, right about how people in power retain their power, how people without power, learn to kind of accept their circumstances. And, you know, and kind of not necessarily pushback, because when they do, there are consequences to that. And so that it's like a reinforcing system that we get used to, and we sort of take for granted. Well, that's just like, how the how the world is, that's how life is. And it takes a lot of courage to question that and say, Well, no, well, it doesn't have to be that way. And we can make things more fair for everybody.   Michael Hingson  07:20 Do you think though, that here, we we see more of that than elsewhere in the world, or you think it just seems that way, because we're here,   Shilpa Alimchandani  07:30 and probably seems that way, because we're here, I mean, you, you know, you, you know, you're more in touch with what's happening, usually in your own environment. And I think, for the United States, with as much promise as it has, as a country with, you know, ideals around equality and fairness and justice, there's just a really difficult history that we haven't fully grappled with, that continues to impact people every day. And so it is a history of, you know, genocide of native peoples, it's a history of enslavement of African peoples. It's a history of patriarchy, where, you know, women haven't had the same access and rights, it's a history of ableism. You know, a topic, of course, that you know, very well in this podcast deals with in a really nuanced way, where people who don't fit into the norms of, you know, able bodied neurotypical folks, you know, are marginalized. And, and, you know, LGBTQ plus, folks are also marginalized. And that's not unique to the United States. But it is part of something that's part of our culture, that we need to acknowledge in order to change, kind of pretending like it's all in the past, and we don't really need to worry about that anymore, doesn't help us to make things better moving forward.   Michael Hingson  09:01 If there's a difference in the United States, it is that our country was founded on and we keep touting the fact that all of us are free, and all of us are equal, but in reality, it hasn't worked that way thus far.   Shilpa Alimchandani  09:20 Right? That's exactly right. And I think that it's often people from marginalized groups, who really believed most passionately, in that promise in those ideals and therefore want to push to make that a reality.   Michael Hingson  09:39 Yeah, and, and understandably so because we're the ones who tend not to have truly experienced it.   Shilpa Alimchandani  09:49 Right, exactly. And so, you know, it's fascinating to me to Michael on this topic of, you know, recognizing the you know, the inequities and the oppression that exists And what we want to do to change it is that you would think that if you understand or experience oppression or marginalization because of one aspect of your identity, that you would then also have empathy across lots of different experiences of marginalization, right. So for example, as a woman, I've experienced marginalization because of my gender. And so you would hope then that I would be empathetic to, you know, LGBTQ folks, or I wouldn't be also empathetic to people with disabilities. And I could translate my experience of marginalization and say, oh, I want to advocate for others who've experienced marginalization. But that is has not necessarily been the case, right? A lot of times, we kind of only focus on our own experience, the one that's familiar to us and have a harder time seeing how there are connections across lots of different identities. And there's power in us actually making those connections instead of, you know, operating in our silos.   Michael Hingson  11:11 Why is that? Why have we why have we not been able to take that leap? When we are part of one group, which clearly is marginalized, as opposed to other groups? Who are also marginalized, but we think essentially, we're really the the only one in town from the standpoint of not translating that.   Shilpa Alimchandani  11:35 Yeah, you know, I think it's, we are as human beings, much more aware of when we're kind of the outsider, and things are harder for us. And we've experienced adversity that we need to overcome. But when we're in that insider role, right, in the group that has more power, the dominant group, it's really easy to not pay attention to that to kind of forget it, to take it for granted. Right. So I can say that, you know, as, as a cisgender person, as a heterosexual person, I have at times in my life kind of taken for granted that I belong to those groups, because the world is sort of set up for me, I can date who want to want marry who I want, I don't have to worry about people looking at me, you know, strangely, when I'm with my partner, I don't have to think about having photographs of my family, you know, on display, these are not things I have to worry about, just because I'm part of those dominant identity groups, right. And when it comes to my experiences of marginalization as a South Asian person as a Hindu person living in the United States, I'm very, like, hyper aware of those, right, because that's where I have felt left out. That's where I have felt like I haven't been treated fairly. And so I think, because all about sort of like a complex mix of lots of identities, we tend to pay more attention to the ones where we experienced marginalization, and less attention to the ones where we are part of the dominant group.   Michael Hingson  13:13 But we don't translate that to other groups.   Shilpa Alimchandani  13:16 Yeah. Because, again, we can we have the capacity to do it. But uh, sure, more effort, right.   Michael Hingson  13:22 Sure. And, and it's all about, though, what, what we know, and what we feel. And we, we don't tend to take that leap. We're very capable of doing it. But for some reason, we don't recognize or don't want to recognize that we're part of maybe a bigger group of marginalized or unconsidered people. And I think that's probably really it, that we look at ourselves as well. We are, we are who we are, and we make our own way. But we, we don't have those other people's problems. And so we tend to ignore them.   Shilpa Alimchandani  14:07 Yeah, sometimes it makes us feel better about ourselves like, oh, well, you know, at least we don't have to deal with that. And I think when it when it comes to like race and ethnicity in the US context, there's been a conscious effort to divide people of color from different identity groups. We do have different lived experiences, I don't have the experience of someone being black of someone being Latinx of someone being indigenous, at the same time, there are some things in common across not being white, right? And what the the the exclusion and some of the disadvantages that come with that. But it's to the advantage of the group that's in power right? For other marginalized groups to be continuing to sort of fight with one another and not see what they haven't Common, because then that allows the majority group to maintain their power. Right? So you can keep fighting amongst yourselves, right and arguing about who was more oppressed than whom. But it, it, what it does is just allows the people who are in power to keep it. So it really is incumbent upon us to bridge some of those divides like you were talking about, like, why can't we extend and see how someone else has experienced marginalization in order to change things because it's that collective action is necessary.   Michael Hingson  15:33 Yeah. And that's really it, it's collective action. Because somehow, we need to recognize that the group in power isn't really jeopardized by other people, sharing power, or not being so marginalized, but rather is strengthens all of us. Mm hmm. That's what people tend to not perceive that they're, the whole concept of their power in numbers, there is power in numbers, really is just as applicable across the board. But we don't want to recognize that because we're too focused on the power, as opposed to the rest of it. Yeah. And that, that becomes pretty unfortunate. And, of course, dealing with all those other groups, and then you have people with disabilities, which is a very large minority, second only to women from a standpoint of what we call minorities, although they're more women than men, but then within disabilities, you have different kinds of disabilities that different people have, right. And that, that causes, I think, a lot of times another issue, because it is more difficult to get all of those groups sometimes to combine together to recognize the power and numbers of everyone working together. And everyone overcoming the prejudices is about for about their disabilities or toward other people and their disabilities.   Shilpa Alimchandani  17:06 Yeah, absolutely. And to even consider, you know, the, the intersections of our identities, right, so there are people with disabilities, many different types of disabilities, like you said, and then there are people with disabilities who are white, or people with disabilities, who are people of color, there are people with disabilities who are, you know, identify as cisgender women or cisgender men, or non binary or trans, right. And so when you kind of look at those combination of identities, it gets even more complex. And it also challenges us, right, it humbles us, I would say, to acknowledge that, wow, I may really be in touch with what it's what the experience of being a person with disability in this country, and but I don't have the experience, for example, of a person of color in this country, or a person of color with a disability in this country, and that those are different experiences. And to appreciate those differences, right? We don't need to erase those differences in order to understand each other,   Michael Hingson  18:13 while the experiences are different, what isn't different, oftentimes, is the fact that we do experience prejudice and discrimination. And we talk so much about diversity, that I think you've pointed out, we don't talk about the similarities. And we're, we talk well, we're talking about becoming more diverse, and that's great. But that becomes overwhelming at some point. And so how do we bring it back down to we're all part of the same thing? Really?   Shilpa Alimchandani  18:47 Well, I think, um, there's, there's a, there's kind of a journey that that we go on in understanding difference and understanding identity, you know, at first we may not be at, you know, totally aware of some of the differences around us, and then we might move to a place of feeling polarized around it, you know, that like us them dynamic, yep, there are differences, but we're better than you, you know, and that kind of a thing, and then we get to a place. And what I'm describing here, broadly, is the intercultural development continuum, a framework that's used a lot in the DEI space, you can come to a place of minimization, which is really focusing on commonalities, right. We are human, we have common lived experiences, we can focus on common values, and let's minimize the differences right? But that's not the end of the journey, because minimizing the differences is at times denying the reality of of people's different lived experiences. And it doesn't help us to really change things to make them more fair where they're not. So then we move to kind of accepting the differences not with value judgment, but just acknowledging them. And then ultimately adapting across those differences, I would take it a step further that not only are we bridging or adapting across the differences, but that we need to learn to be allies, right? So especially if we're in a position of being part of a dominant group, like as I am as an able bodied person, you know, what does it look like for me to be an ally, for people with disabilities, and that's a responsibility that I have, right. So if we minimize differences, and we just kind of stay in that place of let's just focus on what we have in common, we don't then have the opportunity to accept, adapt and ultimately become allies. And that's really the journey that we're on,   Michael Hingson  20:44 what I don't generally hear is not so much about what we have in common, or recognizing that we all can be allies, which I absolutely agree with and understand. But we don't get to the point of recognizing the vast number of similarities that we have. And we don't get to the point of recognizing that a lot of the so called differences are not anything other than what we create ourselves,   Shilpa Alimchandani  21:16 we do create differences. And we need to understand those differences in terms of systems, right, like entire systems in our society, and the way that our, you know, workplaces are set up and within the way, you know, physical spaces, as well as policies are developed. And those systems are not necessarily designed as fairly as they could be. And so that's when I think paying attention to differences is really important, and not just focusing on similarities, because the same system is impacting people differently, depending on what identity group they belong to. And we've got to be able to surface that in order to change it.   Michael Hingson  22:02 But we do need to recognize that a lot of that comes because of the system, as opposed to whether there are real differences, or there are differences that we create. Yeah, well, I mean,   Shilpa Alimchandani  22:13 humans create systems, right. And so we can agree design systems to, but what happens is a little bit like a fish in water kind of scenario, that we don't really recognize the water that we're swimming in, you know, we it really takes us having to leave the environment and look back at it to be able to say like, oh, that's what's going on. Right? Most of the time, we don't pay attention to those systems, we just operate within them without thinking about it.   Michael Hingson  22:43 And that's my point. And that's, that's exactly it. And so we sometimes somehow have to take a step back or a step up, maybe as you would describe it to get out of the water and look at the water, and see what we can do to make changes that would make it better. And that's the leap that I don't generally see us making as a race yet.   Shilpa Alimchandani  23:12 Yeah, they're, you know, they're definitely great examples of that, you know, in, in our history, and in other parts of the world as well, like when made, you know, when countries that had been colonized for a number of years, you know, finally get their freedom when, you know, there's real truth and reconciliation efforts after a war or a period of conflict. It is it is possible, it's something that has happened. And, and I think, you know, we're kind of in a moment in our culture, where people are asking a lot of these kinds of questions. What, what's not working in the status quo and the way things are, and what needs to shift this, the pandemic, has really brought those issues front and center, the movement for racial justice has has done the same. And I think it's it's actually an exciting opportunity and exciting moment to be like, oh, people are actually talking about systems now.   Michael Hingson  24:14 Yeah, it's, it's interesting. Henry Mayer wrote a book called all on fire, which is a biography of William Lloyd Garrison. Have you ever read that? I have not. Okay. So William Lloyd Garrison, you may or may not know was a very famous abolitionist in I think, the 1840s there was a reporter and he got very much involved in the abolishing slavery. And as I said, Henry Mayer was a biographer of his and wrote this book called all on fire and in the book, there is a section where, where Garrison wanted to bring into the fold, some women the Grimm case sisters, who were very much involved in women's suffrage. And he Garrison said to his people, please contact them, let's bring them in. And their response was, but they're not involved in this their field dealing with women's suffrage, and they're not interested in this. And Garrison said something very interesting, which was, it's all the same thing. He took the leap. And he said, It's all the same thing, whether it's suffrage, whether it's slavery, abolition, or whatever, Abolishment. It's all the same thing. And that's the leap, that we generally don't take any of us on any side.   Shilpa Alimchandani  25:39 Yeah, I don't know who to credit for this quote that I've heard many times. But the idea that none of us is free until all of us are free.   Michael Hingson  25:48 Yeah. Right. And interesting and interesting, quote, and true.   Shilpa Alimchandani  25:52 And that's really, you know, I had shared with you, Michael, that my, my practice is called mukti. And Mukti means liberation or freedom in Sanskrit. And that was really kind of what was behind, you know, like, I was thinking about, like, why do I do this work? What, what motivates me? What is this ultimately about? And to your point of, you know, these experiences, whether it be suffrage, or abolishing slavery, or whatever, having some really important things in common is that we want to be free, we, as humans want to be free. And there are a lot of things that get in our way. And so that kind of became the heart of my practice is like, what does it look like to work for that freedom?   Michael Hingson  26:38 Well, let's go back to you personally, and so on. So you grew up? I think you have, and that's a good thing. And so how did you get involved in all of this division, this business of Dei? And and what you do today? What What got you started down that path? And what did you do that got you to the point of starting this company?   Shilpa Alimchandani  27:02 Yeah, so you know, certainly growing up in the 80s, and 90s. In St. Louis, there really wasn't a dei field as such, it wasn't like one of those careers that you know, about and, and prepare for, like, you know, like being an engineer or a doctor or a teacher or something like that. So it was a kind of a winding indirect path to get to this place. I knew pretty early on that I cared about justice that I cared about people understanding each other and bridging differences. But I didn't know that could be my job. So at first I thought maybe I'll become a lawyer. And then you know, I could use like legal skills to fight for justice and things like that. I even took the LSAT and never applied to law school, I was like, I don't really want to be a lawyer. So I explored a bit I worked in nonprofit, and in higher ed, and began to learn that well, there really is kind of a in the late 90s, early 2000s, like a an a growing field, in educating people about diversity. And that was kind of new to me, I was excited about that. I wanted to learn more about it. And early on, it was kind of more focused on representation, right? We need to bring people together from different backgrounds, in workplaces, and schools, etc. And then that sort of evolved into, well, it's not just enough to bring people from different backgrounds together, you need to have an environment where people feel included, where they feel valued, right. So it kind of evolved from not just diversity to diversity and inclusion. And I think kind of the more recent iteration of the field is the E in diversity, equity and inclusion. And the equity piece being really looking at that systemic part, we were just talking about, how are our systems working for us? Where are their inequities built into those systems? How can those be corrected? So that we actually have a place where people from different backgrounds can feel included and valued and feel treated fairly, and paid fairly? For the work that they do? Right, so that's when all of those come together? Of course, there's additions to that as well. Some organizations add accessibility as an aide to that, you know, some include justice. So there's, this becomes a bit of an alphabet soup, but all with the this idea of differences, valuing differences and treating people fairly at the heart of, of this work.   Michael Hingson  29:50 And that's really what it's about. And as you point out, it's really about equity. I've noticed and I'm still very serious We maintain the whole concept of diversity is much less of a really good goal to seek. Traditionally, diversity leaves out disabilities. In fact, I interviewed someone a few weeks ago. And this person talked about different kinds of diverse groups, and listed a number of things and never once mentioned disabilities, and I asked him about that. I said, I'm not picking on you, but you didn't include disabilities. And he talked about social attitudes. And he said, well, it, it includes social attitudes in some way. And my point was, No, it doesn't really, because social attitudes are a different animal and don't have anything to do with dealing with disabilities to disabilities is a different kind of thing. Yeah. So it's, it's interesting how different people approach it. Now, this particular individual was a person who is involved with another, another minority group, but still, we have to face that. Yeah. And it makes for a very interesting situation, and it makes for a challenge in life.   Shilpa Alimchandani  31:16 Yeah, I mean, it's one of those places where, you know, I have privilege as someone who doesn't experience disabilities in my life on a daily basis. And I That means for me, like to be an ally, like, what we were talking about earlier, is that I need to educate myself, right? I need to look for those opportunities, where I feel like well, yeah, sure. This is easy and accessible for me, but it wouldn't be for our friends and colleagues and people who don't have the same abilities that I do. And what can we do to change that? Okay, that that's what ally ship looks like. And I know, it can be overwhelming, right? People say, oh, there's so many, you listed so many things under this umbrella of diversity? Like how can how can we possibly, you know, pay attention to all of it. And I actually don't think it's, it's too hard for us. I think, as human beings, we have this amazing capacity for empathy, we have this capacity to our minds are malleable, we can continue to learn and grow throughout our lives, we have to have the will to do it. Right. And, and put the effort in to do it. But it is possible.   Michael Hingson  32:27 It's interesting to look at and one of the things that I think I see, and this is from my perspective, as a as a blind person, or let's say a person with a disability, it's it's interesting how I think sis Thai society teaches that all the rest of us are better than persons with disabilities to a great degree am. And I think it's very systemic. And I think, to a very large degree, it does go across all sorts of different lines. But we teach people that I teach our children that disabilities make those people less in ways that it doesn't necessarily apply to other groups. Although the concept and the overall process is the same, it still comes down to, we're in power, we're better than they, but it does go across a lot of different lines. And when we teach people that disabilities are less, that's a problem that somehow we, as part of all this need to overcome.   Shilpa Alimchandani  33:37 Yeah. And you know, it's ultimately, Michael, to your point, it's dehumanizing. We're dehumanizing entire groups of people. And sometimes it's like, quote, unquote, well intentioned, but it's really more of a pity than it is an understanding of respect and empathy for someone else's experience. And nobody needs that. Right. Nobody wants to be felt sorry for, you know,   Michael Hingson  34:06 yeah. And I think that that probably is more true. When you're dealing with a person with a disability, then a lot of other groups, you won't feel sorry for them, you may distrust them, or whatever. But for disabilities, we feel sorry. And that promotes fear. Gosh, we sure wouldn't want to be like them.   Shilpa Alimchandani  34:29 Right? Because that's the worst thing that could happen, right? So it creates more of that division of, I'm not like you and I don't want to be like you, you know, right.   Michael Hingson  34:40 Right. On the other hand, disabilities is an equal opportunity, kind of a thing. Anyone can join us at any given time unexpectedly, or maybe expectedly. But to use a bad word expectedly I don't know that's not a word. But anyway, Yes. So we have to learn to speak. But still, it is something that anyone can experience. And we don't try to equalize. So it is a it is a challenge. But But again, let's look at you what what was your career like getting into this? So it wasn't a job that really existed as such. And then you kind of discovered that maybe it really was. And so you decided not to be a lawyer, and we won't talk about the the legitimacy or efficacy of not being a lawyer, although, oh, many lawyer jokes out there. But But what did you then do? Yeah,   Shilpa Alimchandani  35:45 so, you know, my early work was at a nonprofit that no longer exists, but it was the national multicultural Institute. And they were kind of doing diversity training for organizations, and like the World Bank, and educational institutions, and some nonprofits and, and then, so I discovered, like, Oh, this is becoming a growing thing that businesses organizations want education, around issues of diversity, and how they can work better together across difference. So that was really fascinating to me, I also got involved in cross cultural communication. So when I was teaching at American University, it was in the School of International Service, which has had as a requirement for any international studies major, to take a course on cross cultural communication, to recognize that, you know, depending on what culture or part of the world we're from, we really kind of think differently, communicate differently. And it doesn't mean that that thinking or that communication is good or bad, but it's different. And we really need to appreciate, you know, how some cultures are much more direct, and some are much less so right, very indirect, how some cultures were engaged in conflict, really, you know, emotionally and others are much more emotionally restrained, you know, and some are much more individualistic, and others being more collectivist. So I started really studying these issues, and realizing that there really was an opportunity to educate people about some of these cultural differences and identity differentials, and ultimately power differences that exist in our societies. So I worked internationally, I worked at the Peace Corps, and I've traveled with the Peace Corps to different countries, to train staff who worked for the US Peace Corps. I worked for the State Department, and I did leadership drug development work there to prepare Foreign Service officers before they go abroad and during their service on how to lead effectively in those global environments. And then, I decided to leave government after a while and, and pursue private sector. And there's a lot like in the private sector. Well, there are a lot of organizations that invest heavily in diversity, equity and inclusion, big training programs, a real focus on how to make their policies and procedures more equitable. So that was really interesting, you know, to get into that consulting space, first working for a firm called cook Roth, and then three years ago, I went out on my own and, and started my own practice. And I love the work it's it's challenging, you know, there's some people who are in it for the right reasons, and others, maybe not as much. So I'm learning a lot in this field, now 20 to 20 plus years into it, but but also feeling quite fulfilled in   Michael Hingson  38:46 the work that I do. So what does cook Ross do? Or what did they do?   Shilpa Alimchandani  38:50 They're a diversity, equity and inclusion consulting firm, that they work a lot with the fortune 500, even fortune 100 corporate sector. In my independent consulting practice, I'm doing less kind of corporate work and more work in the NGO sector, with smaller businesses, nonprofit organizations, and the like.   Michael Hingson  39:13 What made you decide to go out on your own?   Shilpa Alimchandani  39:16 Oh, I had thought about starting my own business many times, and really erred on the side of stability and a stable paycheck for so many years. Until finally, I had some supports in place, right, talking about systems. I had some supports in place to make it possible for me to go out on my own. I had a partner who had a steady job with health insurance for for us and for our two children. My parents moved closer to where we live. So I had some family support in the area. And then, you know, decided just to take the leap and have confidence in myself and what I could offer as a consultant as a facility cater to clients. And the vast majority of my work is through word of mouth, I really don't even do much marketing. And I'm very fortunate to be in that role, but it also just showed me like, oh, you might have maybe you could have done this sooner. But it took me a while to feel like I had the the support and the confidence to do that.   Michael Hingson  40:21 But even though you're on your own, do you still have a relationship? or do any work with cook Ross? Or do you still teach   Shilpa Alimchandani  40:29 other consulting firms, small consulting firm, so I subcontract for them. And if this I, in addition to my consulting, press practice, I, I became a certified coach, I went through a coaching program, and became an international coaching Federation, certified coach. So I work one on one with people, largely women of color leaders who are, you know, in periods of transition or growth in their lives and in their careers to help guide them through that process, and help them really tap into all of the strength that they have, and the wisdom that they have within themselves. So I have a lot of variety in the work that I do, which I really enjoy.   Michael Hingson  41:15 So you, you, you keep connections open? And that's always a good thing. Of course, indeed. So what kind of changes have you seen in the whole field of diversity, equity inclusion and such over the years?   Shilpa Alimchandani  41:32 You know, there have been a lot of changes, I think I mentioned early on, there was a lot of focus on representation, I think a big and then, you know, looking at the culture, and how can we be more inclusive, but even in that conversation about inclusive, Michael, there was a bit of teaching people to be like us, right, like, so there was still sort of a dominant majority white male, you know, able bodied, you know, cisgender, heterosexual, you know, culture. And we invite people who belong to other groups, marginalized identities to join us, but to kind of be like us, right, and then I saw shift will know, the point is not to make everybody act like the majority group, the point is to actually create a place where people with different experiences, different identities, can all thrive in the same environment. That means changing the environment, right? That means actually looking at some of those systems, looking at the culture, and saying, you know, if it's a culture of like, everybody goes out for happy hour after work, or they have important conversations on the golf course, or whatever, that that is really fundamentally excluding a lot of people from those informal ways that people hold power in the organization. So how do we create cultures and systems that are more fair for everyone, I think, now, especially post the murder of George Floyd in 2020. And a real reckoning with the history of racism in the United States, there's much more attention being paid to some of those systemic issues in with particular guard regard to race, but also other identity groups. And that's a big shift. There were a number of years when I worked in this space, where people were still, like, uncomfortable naming race, they would talk about diversity broadly, talk about all the different things that make us the rainbow people that we are, but not deal with some of the harder, stickier Messier subjects. And I think there's more of a willingness to do that now.   Michael Hingson  43:42 And they won't deal with the words. Yeah, go ahead.   Shilpa Alimchandani  43:45 Yeah, there's, there's more. So there's like a caveat to that. There's also a lot of people who say they want to do that more difficult and challenging work. But when confronted with it, actually retreat and say, Oh, no, I'm not comfortable to this. This is a bit too challenging, too threatening. It's making me really uncomfortable. And so there are organizations, there are leaders who have said one thing, right and publicly made announcements about how they're anti racist, or they're, you know, all about equity or whatever. But then that hasn't necessarily followed through in the action. So that's, that's something that's we're dealing with now, in the field. In some places, there's a openness, a recognition for some of those difficult topics and other places. It's really just on the surface. As soon as you go a little bit beneath the surface, you realize that the commitment is really not there.   Michael Hingson  44:44 Now you have me curious, so you've got you've got the company or the group that does go out on the golf course and make decisions or that goes out for lunch and has martinis and make decisions and There are reasons for it. The reasons being that you're going away from the company, you're going away from the environment. And you can think and you can have all sorts of rationales or reasons for doing it. But nevertheless, it happens. How do we change that? How do we address that issue? Do we, when we have people who were excluded, because they don't go out on the golf course? Do we create an environment for them to be able to go on the golf course? Or do we do something different? Or are we there yet?   Shilpa Alimchandani  45:31 Um, I think we're there. I think that first of all, you we need to recognize that some of those informal practices are in fact unfair. And then if you're wanting to let go of them and say, Well, what we liked about that was that it was somewhat informal, right? But are those the only informal spaces you can create? Right? Not necessarily. There are other ways that people can connect informally in an organizational context that aren't around, you know, alcohol or, or aren't around a particular sport, or aren't around a particular, you know, activity that necessarily excludes or that are always after hours. So this is something that women have really struggled with, is that, you know, if those important conversation side conversations are happening, not during work hours, and they're still to this day, women have more responsibilities at home with family than men do, then that's an automatic disadvantage. Like you you're not even in the room, you're not even there to be part of those exchanges. That doesn't just apply to women. But that's just that's an example. So how do we then think about leadership differently, how we develop people, what our decision making processes are, how we hold each other accountable for those decisions, it kind of comes down to your organizational values, and how you live those values in the way in which you lead and the way in which you engage in your work and your interactions with your colleagues. It's easy to say on paper much harder to practice those values. Why is that? Oh, well, you know, everybody likes to have on their website or on the wall in the conference room. Oh, we believe in integrity, we believe in inclusion, right? We believe in collaboration or whatever the values may be. But what does that actually mean? What does that look like? How do you make on how do I Shilpa behave in accordance with those values? Right? Question.   Michael Hingson  47:45 It gets back to Talk is cheap. Absolutely. Talk is really cheap. Talk is really cheap. It's easy   Shilpa Alimchandani  47:53 to make these pronouncements and to say the right thing. It's much harder to practice them. And so when I engage with clients, it's really looking at those organizations and those individuals that are interested in making some change. They're like, Okay, we know this is not going to happen overnight, it's not going to happen, because you did one workshop with us. And then we all went home, it's going to be it's going to happen over time. By articulating the behaviors. We want to practice building the skills to practice those behaviors, building the accountability for us to actually implement those behaviors and those changes in our policies, then we can actually create some long term change. That's not easy. It's not sexy, it's hard to work. And that's how you create a more diverse, equitable and inclusive organization.   Michael Hingson  48:47 And it is very uncomfortable, and it's what really causes a lot of the hatred. So why is it that people hate race differences so much, because they're different than us. They're not as good as we are. And although in reality, they can demonstrate that the hair is equal is we are whoever we are. The fact is that they're calling us on it. We don't like that we don't like change. And the reality is we need to learn to change.   Shilpa Alimchandani  49:16 Yeah, this whole idea, you know, we all think of ourselves as good people, right? So when someone points out some way in which I have exclude been exclusionary or discriminatory in my behavior, my first instinct is to defend myself, but I'm a good person, I would never try and hurt another or discriminate or exclude. But in fact, as a human being that operates in these systems that we are a part of, I haven't times excluded, I have at times been unfair in the way I've treated people and just and been discriminatory. And so it's important for me to be able to acknowledge that that I can be a good person, but part of being human is that I do have some of these checks. Challenges, then only can I change it and work to change some of the systems if we're going to live in denial like, Nope, we're good people, and therefore we can't hear any of this criticism. It's not possible for me to be unfair, unjust or discriminatory. And then how are we ever going to change?   Michael Hingson  50:16 Right? Which is, which is of course, the whole point, isn't it?   Shilpa Alimchandani  50:19 Yeah. But it's hard. It's a tough, but I really, I always come back to humility in this work, you. If you are to engage in a sincere way to build a more equitable and inclusive world for everyone across identity groups, you will be humbled time, and   Michael Hingson  50:37 it's hard because we haven't learned to do it. And also, many of us just really, ultimately don't have the desire to learn to do it. And that's what we have to change. What are some of the major mistakes that you've seen organizations make? I think you've referred to some of this already. But it's worth exploring a little more.   Shilpa Alimchandani  50:57 You know, one thing that we haven't talked about yet, but I often hear from clients who seek out my services, is that, oh, we really need to focus on recruitment, right, we just need to get more diverse leadership team, we need to do a better job of reaching out to, you know, XYZ group that's underrepresented in our organization. And they put a lot of effort into recruitment. And then what happens, you bring in people from all these different backgrounds that you said, weren't represented, and now they're there, but there hasn't been much emphasis on inclusion or equity. And you've created a revolving door. Because very soon, people from those marginalized identity groups discover this isn't a place where they really feel like they're valued, or it's not a place that set up to really support them to be successful. And they leave. And then those same organizations are like, well, we put all this money and time and effort into diversifying, what did we do wrong? So to that, my I, what I say time and time again, is we have to start with equity and inclusion. And then the diversity will come if you don't start with diversity and with recruitment, and then just with wishful thinking, hope that it all works out. Once everybody's together in that organization, quite often it doesn't.   Michael Hingson  52:18 It ultimately comes down to changing the mindset, which is really what doesn't happen. And diversity doesn't change the mindset. And I think that's something that conceptually inclusion can really help to do is to change the mindset if you're really going to look at what inclusion means. And that's why I've always loved to talk about and I have a speech called moving from diversity to inclusion, because people clearly have already changed diversity to the point where it doesn't necessarily represent everyone. But ultimately, all those people, I think, still try to do it. You can't say you're inclusive, unless you are, you can talk about being partially inclusive. But that doesn't mean a thing. Either you're inclusive where you're not, then that means changing a mindset.   Shilpa Alimchandani  53:01 It does mean changing a mindset. And that mindset allows you to change some of your practices, like it can be as simple as like, how do you design an agenda for a meeting? And how do you facilitate that meeting? And how do you actually include all of the voices of the people who are part of that group? A lot of just a thing about how many times people and organizations how much time people spend in meetings, and a lot of them are not particularly inclusive, like half the people are checked out. There are a few people who dominate the conversation. Right? And it seems it's such a waste. It is such a waste, because there are ideas that are not getting shared, there are conversations that are not being had, there are conflicts that are not getting resolved. Right? Because we're just used to doing things in the same way. If we can change that mindset, like you said, and, and also some of the practices, even small things like that will make a difference, right? People will start speaking up in a different way. Right? Well, dialogue shifts,   Michael Hingson  54:07 and that's what we really need to work toward is that dialogue, shift that mindset change, and that makes a big difference in in all that we're doing. Tell me a little bit more about your company about mu T and what it does and how people can learn about it.   Shilpa Alimchandani  54:24 Great. So yeah, Mookti the M O OK T I. Consulting is my organization. As I mentioned earlier, Mookti means liberation. And I have two parts to my practice. One is organizational training and consulting. So I provide and facilitate workshops and and Leadership Development Series for organizations on all kinds of dei related topics. From you know, interrupting bias to Um feedback on microaggressions to you know, a leading with an equity lens and using the system's lens to solve problems in your organization. And, and I really enjoy that work that organizational training and consulting work. The other part of my practice is coaching. And that is one on one with individuals, primarily, I focus on women of color leaders, because coaching remains a white dominant profession in the US. And there's a real opportunity for people of color to enter this field and a lot of clientele who are looking for coaches who understand not just their leadership journey, but also how their identities impact them every day. So being a woman and a woman of color in a leadership role in an organization is different than being a man or being a white man in particular. And so those of one on one coaching conversations that I have with my clients really can unlock their potential, can free them up to make decisions that are more aligned with their values and make choices in their career that are more fulfilling for them. So in all aspects of my work, I'm about you know, freeing people, from the systems of oppression that limit us, some of that work is organizational. And some of it is individual,   Michael Hingson  56:21 if people want to reach out and contact you and explore working with you, and so on. How do they do that?   Shilpa Alimchandani  56:29 Sure. So my website is the best way to learn more about me and my work and also to contact me. And the website is simply mookticonsulting.com   Michael Hingson  56:40 Have you written any books? Or are there other places where people can get resources that you've been involved in creating? Yes, I   Shilpa Alimchandani  56:49 mean, I did write a book number of years ago, communicating development across cultures, which is more focused on cross cultural communication in the international development field. So not as much on organizational dei work as I'm doing now. I'm quite active on LinkedIn and and do post my own articles on LinkedIn. So that's a good place to find me as well.   Michael Hingson  57:16 How can people find you? Can you? I assume, by your name, can you spell   Shilpa Alimchandani  57:20 Shilpa Alimchandani in LinkedIn, I'm the only one so you'll find me pretty easily there.   Michael Hingson  57:26 Why don't you spell that? If you would, please? Sure.   Shilpa Alimchandani  57:29 So Shilpa  S H I L, P as in Peter A. and Shilpa Alimchandani is A L I M as in Mary C H, A N as in Nancy, D as in David A. N as in Nancy. I. So it's a long one, but a phonetic name. In fact, on my website, I have a little button where you can click pronounce. And it tells you how to pronounce all, you know, with an audio clip of how you say the word book, The and also how you say my name Shilpa Alimchandani   Michael Hingson  58:02 Well, I hope people will reach out. Because I think you're you're talking about a lot of very valuable things. And I think we really need to look at inclusion and really create a new mindset. As I said, I have a speech called moving from diversity to inclusion. In fact, it's the second episode on our podcast. So if you haven't washed, I hope you'll go see it. There's my plug. And then my fourth episode is a speech that Dr. Jacobus tenBroek gave Dr. Tim brick was the founder of the National Federation of the Blind. And one of the foremost constitutional law scholars in the speech he gave at the 1956 convention, the National Federation of the Blind has called within the grace of God, and especially the last two paragraphs of that speech, I love but it's a great speech that I think, whether you're talking about blindness or any other kind of group, it applies. And he was definitely a visionary in the field, and was a was a great thinker about it. So that again, that's episode four, I hope that you and other people, if you haven't listened to it will go out and listen to   Shilpa Alimchandani  59:11 know Michael, I did listen to that, upon your recommendation that episode four and that speech was really moving and inspiring, and what I would say more than anything else, I felt that it was empowering. It was so empowering, and thank you for recommending that.   Michael Hingson  59:27 And he thought that he was being gentle with people in talking about discriminations and so on. In later years, he delivered another speech in 1967. Called are we up to the challenge? And he thought that he was much more forceful in that he started the speech by saying, and again, it's about blind people, but it could it goes across the board. He said mind people have the right to live in the world, which is interesting, but I still think is 1956 speeches was says best and I think there are others who agree with that.   Shilpa Alimchandani  1:00:02 Well, it's been such a pleasure speaking with you, Michael, thank you so much for inviting me on to the podcast.   Michael Hingson  1:00:07 Well, I am glad that you came and I hope that you will come back again and definitely anytime you have more insights or whatever or there's any way that we can be a resource for you, and I'm sure others will feel the same way. Please let us know. But Shilpa  I really appreciate you coming on and all of you I appreciate you listening today. So, we hope that you will give us a five star rating and that you will reach out. Let me know what you think of what we had to discuss. I love your thoughts. All of the information will be in our show notes, including how to spell Shilpa his name and we hope that you will let us know your thoughts. So once more Shilpa Thank you for listening, at least you declare you listen to thank you for being here. Thanks. Thank you all and we'll see you next time on unstoppable mindset.   Michael Hingson  1:01:00   You have been listening to the Unstoppable Mindset podcast. Thanks for dropping by. I hope that you'll join us again next week, and in future weeks for upcoming episodes. To subscribe to our podcast and to learn about upcoming episodes, please visit www dot Michael hingson.com slash podcast. Michael Hingson is spelled m i c h a e l h i n g s o n. While you're on the site., please use the form there to recommend people who we ought to interview in upcoming editions of the show. And also, we ask you and urge you to invite your friends to join us in the future. If you know of any one or any organization needing a speaker for an event, please email me at speaker at Michael hingson.com. I appreciate it very much. To learn more about the concept of blinded by fear, please visit www dot Michael hingson.com forward slash blinded by fear and while you're there, feel free to pick up a copy of my free eBook entitled blinded by fear. The unstoppable mindset podcast is provided by access cast an initiative of accessiBe and is sponsored by accessiBe. Please visit www.accessibe.com. accessiBe is spelled a c c e s s i b e. There you can learn all about how you can make your website inclusive for all persons with disabilities and how you can help make the internet fully inclusive by 2025. Thanks again for listening. Please come back and visit us again next week.

SBS Sinhala - SBS සිංහල වැඩසටහන
Protests against the Day of Mourning demand abolishment of the monarchy: Australian News in Sinhala on 23 Sep - රැජිණ වෙනුවෙන් පැවති ජාතික ශෝක දිනයේදී රාජාණ්ඩුවට වි

SBS Sinhala - SBS සිංහල වැඩසටහන

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 23, 2022 10:46


Listen to the latest news from Australia, Sri Lanka, across the globe, and the latest news from the sports world on SBS Sinhala radio news – Friday, 23 September 2022. - ඔස්ට්‍රේලියාවේ හා ශ්‍රී ලංකාවේ නවතම පුවත් මෙන්ම විදෙස් පුවත් සහ ක්‍රීඩා පුවත් රැගත් SBS සිංහල සේවයේ 2022 සැප්තැම්බර් 23 වන දා සිකුරාදා වැඩසටහනේ ප්‍රවෘත්ති ප්‍රකාශයට සවන් දෙන්න.

Bill Handel on Demand
BHS - 7A - The Ripple Effects of Queen Elizabeth II's Passing and CA's Break for Criminals

Bill Handel on Demand

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 12, 2022 27:10


Efforts to abolish the Monarchy in former British Colonies could now be jump-started following the passing of Queen Elizabeth II. USC scandals have assumed a starring role in the Los Angeles Mayoral race, with both Karen Bass and Rick Caruso now finger-pointing. California could soon give more than a million people with criminal records a fresh start. And speaking of California, the state may permanently shrink internet and cell phone discounts for low-income residents.

Charis Daily Live Bible Study
779. The Abolishment of Death - Ricky Burge

Charis Daily Live Bible Study

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 9, 2022 47:13


Join Andrew Wommack and special guests every weekday for our Charis Daily Live Bible Study! Interact with dynamic speakers in real-time and gain a deeper understanding of the scriptures as they answer your questions. Tune in every day to hear from different speakers as they share from God's Word. The instructors will not only include Andrew Wommack and Charis Woodland Park staff but also our stateside and international directors. You'll witness miracles happen right there, wherever you're listening!

I got Somethang ta say Podcast
Angela Jackson's Update #PREA never worked so Y aren't we talking abolishment of women's prisons?

I got Somethang ta say Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2022 81:21


Update on #MNDOC #shakopee Angela Jackson's #sexualabuse case against CO Wendover #prisonviolence. @Keith Ellison for Attorney General @MN DOC Communications @governorWalz @commissionerschnell #JusticeforAngela #abolishprisons This podcast is a vision that has found its roots in the historical mistreatment of black persons throughout this country; moreover, in light of recent history, where the world viewed the most egregious and despicable murder of unarmed black men by white police officers in the state of Minnesota. I would like with the aid of multimedia (audio and video) provide awareness of criminal injustice that has historically had a detrimental effect on people of color. I will co-host a podcast out of the city where George Floyd was murdered. Along with providing a commentary on law enforcement and the system of corrections. The platform will vary from commentaries on current issues to interviews with those directly affected by enacted laws and statutes. This conversation will not only include those who are currently and have been recently released from prison but also provide an opportunity for the voiceless to voice their experiences in dealing with the criminal injustice system. In addition, any new laws that are being introduced that affect those currently or previously in the system of correction will be debated.

The Jacob Johnston Show
Ep 227) Democrats Call For Violence & Abolishment of SCOTUS After Roe Overturned

The Jacob Johnston Show

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 26, 2022 28:00


In the wake of SCOTUS overturning Roe V Wade, the Democrats call for violence and declare they have the right to pick and choose which laws they will and will not enforce or abide by. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/thejacobjohnstonshow/message

360 with Katie Woolf
1251: Ruth Palmer from the Property Council says the abolishment of the Property Activation Levy is a historic win for the property industry

360 with Katie Woolf

Play Episode Listen Later May 11, 2022 5:50


TBS eFM This Morning
0401 [INT] Insight into women's groups over the abolishment of the Gender Ministry

TBS eFM This Morning

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2022 9:26


TBS eFM This Morning
0401 [INT] Insight into women's groups over the abolishment of the Gender Ministry

TBS eFM This Morning

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2022 9:26


Insight into women's groups over the abolishment of the Gender Ministry- 여가부 폐지에 대한 여성단체의 입장Guest: Oh Kyungjin, Executive Director, Korea Women's Associations United (KWAU)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Think for Yourself
The Necessity of Truth and the Abolishment of Fear

Think for Yourself

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 24, 2022 19:00


Lying by omission is not less offensive that a deliberate lie. The distinction was evident yesterday and today during the Senate Confirmation hearing of Ketanji Jackson-Brown. Carole identifies when and how the omission happened. Then Carole looks at how we perpetuate fear in ourselves by what we allow into our lives, sometimes from those closest to us.

TBS eFM This Morning
0318 [INT] Controversies surrounding the abolishment of the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family

TBS eFM This Morning

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 18, 2022 12:38


Controversies surrounding the abolishment of the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family Guest: Professor Chang Pilhwa, Department of Women's Studies, Ewha Womans University See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TBS eFM This Morning
0318 [INT] Controversies surrounding the abolishment of the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family

TBS eFM This Morning

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 18, 2022 12:38


Austro Thomism
FL&P S1 EP2 Explain to me like I'm five_ Prison abolishment. With @Ace_Archist

Austro Thomism

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 8, 2022 58:22


Go follow Ace on Twitter at @Ace_Archist http://old.studentsforliberty.org/blog/2014/11/04/against-the-criminal-justice-system-pt-i-no-one-should-ever-be-punished/ http://old.studentsforliberty.org/blog/2014/11/25/against-the-criminal-justice-system-pt-ii-the-criminality-of-criminal-law/ http://old.studentsforliberty.org/blog/2015/01/30/against-the-criminal-justice-system-pt-iii-for-actual-justice/ http://freenation.org/a/f12l2.html --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Wenstrom Bible Ministries
Daniel 11.31-The Prophecy of Antiochus Epiphanes IV Ordering the Desecration of the Temple, Abolishment of the Daily Sacrifice and Setting Up the Abomination of Desolation

Wenstrom Bible Ministries

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 19, 2021 63:21


Daniel: Daniel 11:31-The Prophecy of Antiochus Epiphanes IV Ordering the Desecration of the Temple, Abolishment of the Daily Sacrifice and Setting Up the Abomination of Desolation-Lesson # 348

Bill Wenstrom
Daniel 11.31-The Prophecy of Antiochus Epiphanes IV Ordering the Desecration of the Temple, Abolishment of the Daily Sacrifice and Setting Up the Abomination of Desolation

Bill Wenstrom

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 19, 2021 63:21


Daniel: Daniel 11:31-The Prophecy of Antiochus Epiphanes IV Ordering the Desecration of the Temple, Abolishment of the Daily Sacrifice and Setting Up the Abomination of Desolation-Lesson # 348

On a Move with Mike Africa Jr.
One Year On a Move

On a Move with Mike Africa Jr.

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 9, 2021 22:16


Do you know what today is? It's our anniversary! [+1 Tony! Toni! Toné] We've been Ona Move for a whole year now and man has this jawn been a wild ride! In this episode Mike recounts not only the events of this year but the conversations and rooms he's been in that he hasn't shared on the podcast. What stuck out over the year? The good, the bad, the hopeful, and the ugly. Mike recounts it all! Plus if you joined us later in the year, now's a good time to listen to the people and episodes that left an impact on Mike.What was your favorite episode of year one? Let us know over on Instagram @mikeafricajr @onamovepodcast and if you want to support the journey to free Mumia Abu Jamal check out Mike's PatreonMake sure you're following the podcast on your favorite platform to be the first to find out when we're back in the new year! 

On a Move with Mike Africa Jr.
On A Move with Gratitude

On a Move with Mike Africa Jr.

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 18, 2021 46:04


Peace to the people! Today Mike Africa Jr. sits down with his parents, Mike Sr. and Debbie.  They discuss gratitude, family, and reverence for some of their most beloved family members.  Mike also talks about the unique journey of preparing to receive a family member after incarceration. If you liked what you heard drop a ✊

On a Move with Mike Africa Jr.
On a Move with Russell Shoatz III

On a Move with Mike Africa Jr.

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2021 42:16


Peace to the people! Today Mike Africa Jr. sits down with his friend and brother in the struggle, Russell Shoatz III. The two discuss the compassionate release of Russell's pops , Russell Maroon Shoatz, the struggle of freeing all political prisoners and how each of them counted on each other while their parents were in prison.  Mike and Russell chop it up about the next stages of activism not only in Philly, but globally and how their parents freedom only further motivates them.Keep up with what Russell is up to by following him @russellshoatz3rd  and if you're in the Philly area check out and support the Annual  Prisoners' Families Brunch at the One Art Community Center on 11/14/21 and donations can be sent via Cash App via $russellshoatzIf you liked what you heard drop a ✊

The Business Integrity School
Matt Friedman - The Fight for Human Rights & Abolishment of Modern Slavery

The Business Integrity School

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 7, 2021 36:02


Learn more about the Business Integrity Leadership Initiative by visiting our website at https://walton.uark.edu/business-integrity/ (https://walton.uark.edu/business-integrity/)   Links from episode:   The Mekong Club: https://themekongclub.org/ (https://themekongclub.org/)   Amplifying the “S” in ESG: https://www.whitecase.com/sites/default/files/2021-06/amplifying-s-esg-investor-myth-buster-final.pdf (https://www.whitecase.com/sites/default/files/2021-06/amplifying-s-esg-investor-myth-buster-final.pdf ) 

KiranPrabha  Telugu Talk Shows
Puratchi Thalaivar | M.G.Ramachandran - Part 21 | ఎమ్.జి.రామచంద్రన్ - 21వ భాగం (1986)

KiranPrabha Telugu Talk Shows

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2021 48:07


#KiranPrabha​​​​ #MGRamachandran​​​​ #MGR​​​​​ Maruthur Gopalan Ramachandran (17 January 1917 – 24 December 1987), popularly known as M. G. R., was an Indian politician and film actor who served as the chief minister of Tamil Nadu for over nine years between 1977 and 1987. He was also a philanthropist and a humanitarian icon. In 1988, M.G.R. was awarded India's highest civilian honor, the Bharat Ratna, posthumously. KiranPrabha narrates interesting incidents in MGR's political / personal life in the year 1986 in this episode. This is Part 21 of the series. Some of the topics covered in this episode are - Abolishment of Legislative Council - Warning letter from Governor - World MGR Fans meet in Madurai, Jayalalitha confusion? - MG Chakrapani death - One more visit to US hospital - Political challenges Many more details in next episode 22. Talk Shows Full List: https://koumudi.net/talkshows/index.htm Koumudi Magazine: https://www.koumudi.net  

The Magic Think Tank
Garfield Is The Original Donald Trump | The Magic Think Tank Episode 13

The Magic Think Tank

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 9, 2021 86:06


On this weeks episode of "The Magic Think Tank" Kamal & Frank talk about how the number 13 is unlucky and how they written the Abolishment of slavery as the 13th amendment (01:12) Ponder Man pondering about trash cans (06:22) Sha'carri Richardson debacle and the Olympics (08:33) Talking about White Women like they NBA players (21:14) Critical Race Theory (25:16) People still have check books (38:58) Rachel Nichols incident (46:52) Juvenile "Vax That Thang Up" (1:09:08) Our Slap of the week is "Hot Wind Blows" By Tyler, The Creator ft. Lil Wayne off his album "CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST" Link below, Yall go check that out... (1:23:37) https://music.apple.com/us/album/hot-wind-blows-feat-lil-wayne/1573484415?i=1573484422 Follow and Subscribe to Kamal Johnson Ent/The Magic Think Tank Socials: Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/KAMALJOHNSONENT FB: https://www.facebook.com/The-Magic-Think-Tank-100132509074517 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@magicthinktankpod?lang=en Twitter: https://twitter.com/MagicThinkTank1 We Like to Thank our Sponsors. Links Below... https://first-place-loser.myspreadshop.com/ www.comfortcitymechanicalinc.com/ www.amazon.com/dp/B09BBKZV87/ref…VCVA197R5V0?psc=1

Libertalia
Prison Abolishment Speech from MO LP Convention 2021

Libertalia

Play Episode Listen Later May 5, 2021 22:12


Instructions are kind of written on the box on this. Not a magician with audio so I rerecorded the speech in a nice quiet room. Hope y'all enjoy!

Speaking Out
National Emergency - Stop Black Deaths in Custody

Speaking Out

Play Episode Listen Later May 2, 2021


Keenan Mundine has experienced first-hand the brutalities of the justice system and is only too familiar with the campaign for justice for the families of First Nations deaths in custody.

Speaking Out
National Emergency - Stop Black Deaths in Custody

Speaking Out

Play Episode Listen Later May 2, 2021 60:00


Keenan Mundine has experienced first-hand the brutalities of the justice system and is only too familiar with the campaign for justice for the families of First Nations deaths in custody.

“It May Be A Good Time To Listen”
"THE ABOLISHMENT OF THE GRAY."

“It May Be A Good Time To Listen”

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2021 32:53


The cushy little neutral corner of playing it safe by not choosing God or the fading world are disappearing. Just so you know---it's crunch time

Success From Within
Episode #3 - Mutual Aid in Communities. Police Abolishment and other Options.

Success From Within

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 19, 2021 54:24


We are joined by Kamau Mshale, artist, activist, martial artist, and good human being. He is available at, Our Book, for this episode is: " Rise of the Warrior Cop: The Militarization of America's Police ForcesRise of the Warrior Cop: The Militarization of America's Police Forces" by, Radley Balko ISBN 1610394577 We explore: 1. Police brutality, its legacy and trauma within Black communities. 2. Mutual Aide, alternatives to police systems 3. Preparedness, the need to do what we can to be better and ready 4. Systems of empowerment. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/instructorarnold/message

David Henneke's Podcast
Romans 1:1 (Pt. 2)

David Henneke's Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 18, 2021 33:30


Remember from last week, because Jesus was Paul’s Lord (Master) Paul was OWNED by the Lord, Paul SERVED the Lord and existed ONLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF SERVICE, Paul’s WILL belonged to Jesus. God called Paul to be an Apostle, WHAT HAS HE CALLED YOU TO DO? Some are called to the political arena, some are called to see to the Abolishment of Abortion, some are called to bring an end to Human Trafficking. God has called Some to the ministry of Encouragement or Hospitality. Others are called to be Pastors, Teachers, Worship Leaders, Missionaries, Bible translators or to a host of other opportunities that honor & glorify the Lord.We are NOT all CALLED to the SAME THINGBut we ARE all CALLED to SOMETHING

GROW Podcast
KKK are Cowards and Religious Beliefs do not matter, It is the Heart that is Judged

GROW Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 29, 2020 11:20


***Audio slightly fades a few seconds at 1:05 for 5 seconds.GROW  Greatness Reached over Oppression through WisdomIn 1871 after the Abolishment of Slavery, President Ulysses Grant had to declare Martial Law in nine counties in South Carolina to stop the KKK from killing Africans.  It was So bad, some Klan were even Arrested!I never understood Free Speech when it comes to Africans.  You can Racially Intimidate someone under gowns and sheets, burn crosses, harass and intimidate, kill, racially harass, burn BLM signs And racially harass an African American First Family.  That is considered Free Speech.   Those are Not examples of Free Speech,  those are Hate crimes.  However, because it is done to Africans it is okay.  It is not okay.  It is time to GROW.

The Two Guys & a Bottle of ? Podcast
Episode #53 - Sliding Back To 85

The Two Guys & a Bottle of ? Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 20, 2020 104:50


The Preacher Man is apparently less masculine than he used to be. More POSITIVE less negative.!!! This weeks PSA: SnOt a gOOd time to eNd up in cAnAdA. DREAD Card...! Back to the future 80's. Having fun IN the studio.!!!Shots...right o the way...Traverse City Whiskey.!!! Hint of cHeRry!Scooter says government over reach...! The Preacher Man says turn it ON not OFF.Seattle Police Chief Carmen Best resigns...because of "lack of respect" towards her fellow officers. The Preacher Man says this is what happens when u start messin w peoples morals & beliefs. Scooter wonders where they'll find new cadets.!!!Welcome to 2020.!!!Biden picks VP candidate that tore him up the most... AOC choosing to nominate Bernie Sanders.Two Guys CAN'T WAIT for debates...! No gaffs, no nicknames, no name calling?!?Bikers are too masculine...The Preacher Man does mike drop...!Boys not thrilled about no football...been training hard. Maybe spring season.Huge story, such little coverage...historic Mideast peace agreement.!!! President Trump, Noble Peace Prize...nope not President Trump?!? Eclipse (dog takes bus to park all by herself) smarter than one of the politicians.!!!Dog found swimming 4 miles out...rescued...! Microchip scan. Took off from shore...! High?!?Bald eagle doesn't like his name being misspelled.!!! Attacked drone, sent it to lake bottom.FLOAT doWn...fiNe price & jail time UP...! St. Clair River, unsanctioned. Watch thy WEATHER! Be a diVer beHinD fLoatDoWns.!!! Awful local story...NEEDS coverage. RIP "Susie Q". Scooter disappointed offender was ever let out.!!!Bowling association has been patient. It's the middle of August, they'll loose $; thus lawsuit. Robot Bartender appears at The Preacher Mans desk with 85 beers...! Ozzy says do the SHOT!Steve Martin is 75..."I believe in equality, equality for everybody, no matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them". Happy Birthday Steve.!!!Random dRoP tiMe. Scooter's Deep Dive...Ratt, " Slip Of The Lip". Big hits..."Round And Round", "Lay It Down", "Wanted Man", "Your In Love", "Dance" etc. worked closely with Motely Crew. Hey honey I think we have a Ratt problem...GEICO.The Preacher Man ponDeRs did we jump a cent in sales tax?!?The Preacher Man's Deep Dive...Scooter takes a nap...Power Station, "Some Like It Hot". Robert Palmer...HoT cHicKs with the GirlS...! Tony Thompson not a cHiCk but a ChiC...!Send pics of yOuR WRIF Dread Cards, mail@twoguysandabottleof.com Detroit Rockers Engaged in the Abolishment of Disco. Do YOU have the Gold or Platinum card?!? Top 11 wHo'S couNTinG? plus boNuses...!1985 top videos on MTV. Dire Straits, "Money For Nothing". Tears For Fears, "Eveverybody Wants To Rule The World". a-ha, "Take On Me". Starship, "We Built This City". Huey Lewis, "The Power Of Love". Bryan Adams, "Heaven". Wham!, "Everything She Wants". Jan Hammer, "Miami Vice Theme". Honeydrippers, "Sea Of Love". Pat Benatar, "We Belong". Howard Jones, "Things Can Only Get Better". Phil Collins, "Don't lose My Number". 'Til Tuesday, "Voices Carry".Joke of the Week brought to you by Hightower Meats 8104346188...! Seriously call HiM...excellent Brauts, Jerky & Sausage...! Reverend Alan Jackson. Special meAts...!       

Mr. Mikhail's Manor of Mischief, Magick, & Mystery
The Six M Podcast - Ep. #27 - Jake Lahniers (Lividity, Abolishment of Flesh, Serpents U.S.)

Mr. Mikhail's Manor of Mischief, Magick, & Mystery

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 5, 2020 109:31


On episode #27 of the Mr. Mikhail's Manor of Mischief, Magick, & Mystery Podcast (aka "the Six M Podcast"), we had Lividity/Abolishment of Flesh/Serpents U.S. bassist, Jake Lahniers, stop by to discuss Wrestling, Manson, Cancel Culture, The Need for the Artistic Mind, & so much more--it's also our 1st time having a guest on the show! || Feel free to "sign our Guest Book" by subscribing to the show! || Join us at our FB Group @ Facebook.com/groups/thesixmpodcast || Support The Manor @ WeAreSerpents.com --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/thesixmpodcast/message

Laurie's Chinwags
PODCAST: Leftist Lawmakers and Activists Call for the Cancellation of All History Classes

Laurie's Chinwags

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2020 11:32


Before you read this, you might want to have a fire extinguisher at the ready, because this news just may light your hair on fire. State Representative La Shawn K. Ford (D-Chicago) held a press conference on Sunday in which he called for all Illinois schools to cease teaching history because he's “Concerned that current school history teaching leads to white privilege and a racist society.” In a press release titled in part “Call for the Abolishment of History Classes in Illinois Schools,” Ford proclaimed from his high horse,... read more

Laurie's Chinwags
PODCAST: Leftist Lawmakers and Activists Call for the Cancellation of All History Classes

Laurie's Chinwags

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2020 11:32


Before you read this, you might want to have a fire extinguisher at the ready, because this news just may light your hair on fire. State Representative La Shawn K. Ford (D-Chicago) held a press conference on Sunday in which he called for all Illinois schools to cease teaching history because he’s “Concerned that current school history teaching leads to white privilege and a racist society.” In a press release titled in part “Call for the Abolishment of History Classes in Illinois Schools,” Ford proclaimed from his high horse,… read more…

Anna Davlantes
State Rep. La Shawn Ford on his call for the abolishment of history classes in Illinois schools: ‘The current history lessons are inaccurate, they are biased and they totally mislead people’

Anna Davlantes

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 31, 2020


State Representative La Shawn K. Ford (D-Chicago) joins Anna to talk about his effort to have the state of Illinois stop its current history teaching practices until appropriate alternatives are developed. Anna also takes your calls.

Tipp FM Radio
Changes to Swearing of Oaths & Abolishment of Bible Swearing

Tipp FM Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 31, 2020 26:49


Fran spoke on Tipp Today this week about proposals to bring back tougher penalities for perjury. But there are also moves underway to abolish the system of religious oaths and affirmations. Simon Burke is a Civil Law student at NUIG and says he has issues with this plan. He spoke to Fran on the show this morning....

God Guns and Country
13th Amendment and Saul Alinsky

God Guns and Country

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 23, 2020 36:59


Abolishment of slavery and involuntary servitude! Why it still continues to this day!!!!! It's not over it just changed direction and methodology!!!!

Cocktails & Calamity
6. Is Defunding the Police the Answer? A National Conversation

Cocktails & Calamity

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 6, 2020 92:45


As protest continue to spawn new conversations the idea of abolishing and de-funding the police has become a national and international topic. Is de-funding the police simply left wing lunacy or a viable possibility. We will discuss the results of protests and the reactions we are seeing from institutions and individuals across the globe.

Politician for Sport
+Bonus Episode: The Analytics, Failed Abolishment of Carmelo Anthony

Politician for Sport

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 13, 2020 21:20


In this episode we’ll shine a light on the disaster of the analytics age in sports that nearly subjugated a future hall of famer and criminalized the hesi-god, imam of iso scoring, midrange Melo and triple threat bully unlike one’s ever seen in professional and Olympic basketball.Music: Lloyd Banks "Hunger"Image: Carmelo Anthony

Tom Sullivan Show
Tom Sullivan Show, June 10, Hour 1

Tom Sullivan Show

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 10, 2020 37:31


Why does the idea of Police Reform come across as Abolishment?

I Shouldn't Have to Say This
Ep 19 - Police Defunding vs Abolishment

I Shouldn't Have to Say This

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 9, 2020 59:42


Our policing culture needs to change, the way we fund the police needs to change, and we need deep systemic changes. Nicole talks about the issues with the police, and some ideas on what to do next. Story Music: "Secret of the Forest [Chrono Trigger]" by The OneUps City Has Paid More Than $524 Million Over Past Decade To Settle Lawsuits Against Police - https://cbsloc.al/3fb5CCJ The NYPD “slowdown” that’s cut arrests in New York by half, explained - https://bit.ly/2BKIqwt What a World Without Cops Would Look Like - https://bit.ly/2Up6CLf CPD Budget To Swell To Over $1.7 Billion In 2020 Budget - https://cbsloc.al/37bq2so Officers Had No Duty to Protect Students in Parkland Massacre, Judge Rules - https://nyti.ms/2Y80Dfc Nickelodeon’s ‘I Can’t Breathe’ broadcast underscores importance of talking to kids about racial injustice - https://bit.ly/3dMIc67 ITS GOT BLUEBERRIES - https://bit.ly/2MEqSV9 Follow I Shouldn't Have To Say This at @SayThisCast and email us at SayThisCast@gmail.com You can subscribe to I Shouldn't Have to Say This on Apple Podcasts, Googly Play, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! If you'd like to support the show, you can become a Patron at Patreon.com/saythiscast where you can suggest topics for shows, and listen to each episode a day early! We'll even thank you on air for your generosity.  You could also buy us a Ko-fi at ko-fi.com/saythiscast! All our music, including our theme song "Chrono Trigger - Forest Butterflies (Secret of the Forest)" from the album THEW ORLD ISSQ UARE, is by Mustin! Find more of his work at store.mustinenterprises.com] Follow Nicole on Twitter: @Jackof3Trades Janra's Twitter is @PressStartLock. You can join him every Tuesday at 11pm and Friday at 3pm (both EST) on his twitch channel for political chats! twitch.tv/pressstartmorlock This podcast is a member of the Planetside Podcast Network. Visit Planetsidepodcasts.com to find other Planetside Productions! Find out more at http://saythiscast.com Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/saythiscast/fd2a0bca-257e-4554-9d6a-055d066814cd

new york spotify police budget stitcher breathe ko defunding mustin abolishment protect students parkland massacre planetside podcast network planetside productions
Pod for Israel - The Word from Israel
Pod for Israel - 7 Reforms of Rabbinic Judaism #4 Philosophical revolution - Dr. Golan Broshi

Pod for Israel - The Word from Israel

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 6, 2020 38:08


Dr Broshi continues his series on the 7 reforms of Rabbinic Judaism. After the destruction of the Temple, Judaism experienced sweeping reformations and in effect also invented their own “New Covenant” of the Oral law. In this episode Dr. Broshi discusses how the Rabbinic reformation transformed Judaism with Greek inspired philosophy. Extra resources and references: Harari, Yuval, the Sages and the Accult, in: Safrai, S., Safrai, Z. Scwhartz, J. and Tomson, P. J. (Eds.), The Literature of the Sages, part 2, Fortress Press, 2006, pp. 521-564 Shaye J. D. Cohen, From the Maccabees to the Mishnah, Third Edition, Westminster John Knox Press, 2014, P. 214  A. Philosophers as Rulers: As mentioned earlier, the wise disciple (תלמיד-חכם) stood at the very top of the hierarchy of the Jewish world. Their deep knowledge of the OL gave them authority to govern the community. In other words, the most essential criterion by which a man could judge and rule was the measure of wisdom he manifested concerning the Talmud.  B. Philosophical Methods of Learning the Oral Law: Rabbinic law and, in fact, the whole literature of the Sages, was influenced by Plato and Aristotelian philosophy, and therefore it is not surprising that the studies in yeshiva are characterized by its endless contradictions, multiple arguments, and vast discussions. The most important and influential encounter between rabbinical Judaism and Greek philosophy probably took place in Alexandria, which prepared the ground for the wisdom of the future sages.  C. Thirteen Characteristics of Learning: The rabbis claim that the thirteen methods by which they interpreted Torah were given to Moses at Sinai. The problem with this claim is that these methods are found in the Hellenistic world. In fact, all thirteen are a duplication of the terminology used by the Greek philosophers and poets for their classical literature, written many generations after Moses and before the time of the Sages. Rabbi Hillel seems to have established the systematic interpretation of the Bible, relying on well known Greek patterns. D. Greek Academia in the Talmudic Yeshiva: Everything mentioned above, the rabbis' rule in accordance with the Platonic model of the utopian state, governed by philosophers, the methods of learning, which is identical to the Aristotelian and Scholastic Philosophical patterns of intellectual investigation, plus the fact that the rabbis urged the study of the Talmud for its own sake (תלמוד תורה לשמה), as a philosophical and moral concept, and as an obligation which carried no other intention than the act itself —all these were done in the context of the yeshiva. E. the Abolishment of Truth: The Talmud’s method “Shakla v’Tatria” (שקלא וטריא) recognizes that the search for truth is never a monologue and is not carried out by an argument aimed at deciding. Instead of achieving agreement, the goal of casuistry is to expand knowledge by the multiplicity of possibilities. This method is remarkably similar to the Scholastic philosophy, which deals with both casuistry and an abstract dialectic negotiation. F. 2 Kings 23:5, which talks about king Josiah abolishing the false worship of the stars (mazal) in the temple

Pod for Israel - The Word from Israel
The 7 Reforms of Rabbinic Judiasm - #3 The Abolishment of the 3 branches of Government - Dr. Golan Broshi

Pod for Israel - The Word from Israel

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2020 25:03


Dr Broshi continues to expound on the 7 reforms of Rabbinic Judaism. After the destruction of the Temple, Judaism experienced sweeping reformations and in effect also invented their own “New Covenant” of the Oral law. In this episode Dr. Broshi discusses how the Rabbis abolished the 3 branches of government and set up their own judicial branch where they are both lawmaker and judge. Notes and references: 1) The dispute between the Yeshiva of God and the Yeshiva of the Rabbis in heaven: b. Talmud Baba Metzia 86a 2) The dispute between R. Joshua and R. Eliezer concerning the oven: b. Talmud Baba Metzia 59b. 3) The tree of knowledge as representing the Oral-Law: R. Meir Eben Gabai, Sefer Avodat Hakodesh, part A, chapter 22. Here's a few more links to some of the books mentioned in the podcast. Amnon Shapiro - אנרכיזם יהודי דתי https://www.steimatzky.co.il/%D7%90%D7%9E%D7%A0%D7%95%D7%9F-%D7%A9%D7%A4%D7%99%D7%A8%D7%90/%D7%90%D7%A0%D7%A8%D7%9B%D7%99%D7%96%D7%9D-%D7%99%D7%94%D7%95%D7%93%D7%99-%D7%93%D7%AA%D7%99.html Rabbinic Judaism Debunked: Debunking the myth of Rabbinic Oral Law https://www.amazon.com/dp/1795804548/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_QorrEbC3W8DWP The Beginnings of Jewishness: Boundaries, Varieties, Uncertainties (Hellenistic Culture and Society) (Volume 31) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0520226933/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_bA.qEbCQ635KH The Invention of Judaism: Torah and Jewish Identity from Deuteronomy to Paul (Volume 7) (Taubman Lectures in Jewish Studies) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0520294122/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_IA.qEbN9280XB Two Nations in Your Womb: Perceptions of Jews and Christians in Late Antiquity and the Middle Ages By: Israel Jacob Yuval https://www.amazon.com/Two-Nations-Your-Womb-Perceptions/dp/0520258185 By: www.oneforisrael.org

Pod for Israel - The Word from Israel
The 7 Reforms of Rabbinic Judaism #2 The Abolishment of Sacrifice Dr. Golan Broshi

Pod for Israel - The Word from Israel

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 20, 2020 22:43


Dr Broshi continues to expound on the 7 reforms of Rabbinic Judaism. After the destruction of the Temple, Judaism experienced sweeping reformations and in effect also invented their own “New Covenant” of the Oral law. In this episode Dr. Broshi discusses how the Rabbis created a system to replace the temple sacrifices. Notes and references: 1) "No need for sacrifices any more" (Midrash 'Avot D'Rabbi Nathan', chapter 4).  2) "Yeshiva Students themselves now serve as the redemption for Israel" (Midrash 'Tana Debi Eliyahu Zuta', portion 2). Here's a few more links to some of the books mentioned in the podcast. Rabbinic Judaism Debunked: Debunking the myth of Rabbinic Oral Law https://www.amazon.com/dp/1795804548/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_QorrEbC3W8DWP The Beginnings of Jewishness: Boundaries, Varieties, Uncertainties (Hellenistic Culture and Society) (Volume 31) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0520226933/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_bA.qEbCQ635KH The Invention of Judaism: Torah and Jewish Identity from Deuteronomy to Paul (Volume 7) (Taubman Lectures in Jewish Studies) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0520294122/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_IA.qEbN9280XB Two Nations in Your Womb: Perceptions of Jews and Christians in Late Antiquity and the Middle Ages By: Israel Jacob Yuval https://www.amazon.com/Two-Nations-Your-Womb-Perceptions/dp/0520258185

Amaravaani Raajakeeyam
After effects of Article 370 Abolishment

Amaravaani Raajakeeyam

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 15, 2019 18:16


A detailed discussion on Article 370 abolishment.

Vox Historia: The Voice of History
Abolishment of Slavery in Africa and The Americas

Vox Historia: The Voice of History

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 13, 2019 7:31


In this episode Braden and Jillian take you back on a time travel adventure to the time of slavery. In this episode of Vox Historia you will learn about Slavery in North/South America and Africa, laws and bills that were passed in order to abolish slavery, abolitionist movements that led to Emancipation, the treatment of slavery and tasks slaves were forced to follow, and how legislative Rulers affected slavery in both good and bad ways. This episode was produced by Braden Wildi and Jillian Strossner.

Nigeria Freedom Radio
121 The Abolishment of Government Not A Simple Issue

Nigeria Freedom Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 14, 2019 19:53


Episode 121 --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/dankore/support

The Young Turks
Trump Embarrasses Himself During National Prayer Breakfast Speech

The Young Turks

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 7, 2019 61:17


Trump gave a painful, monotone speech where he praised the "Abolishment of Civil Rights". Get exclusive access to our best content. http://tyt.com/GETACCESS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Faith IQ - Audio Podcast
Explain The Concept Of Slavery In Islam And Its Abolishment

Faith IQ - Audio Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 19, 2018 2:34


Slavery is a concept that existed several decades ago. What did Islam say about slavery How was it during the time of the Prophet (PBUH) What about the rest of the world Did slavery exist in other parts of the world Shaykh Abdullah Hakim Quick answers.

islam concept slavery explain abolishment shaykh abdullah hakim quick
The African History Network Show
1807 U.S. Congress Abolishes the African Slave Trade – Michael Imhotep

The African History Network Show

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2018 112:00


Michael Imhotep of The African History Network discusses March 2nd, 1807 which was the passing of the Abolishment of the African Slave Trade.   Register Here: 6 Online Course Bundle Pack from The African History Network at https://theafricanhistorynetworkschool.learnworlds.com/start or www.AfricanHistoryNetwork.com                                                  Register for our 14 Hour, Online Course plus 20 hours of bonus content for only $50. All Sessions Are Recorded and can be viewed anytime. WATCH NOW!!! “Black Panther” Online Lecture, Sat. March, 31st, 2018, 2pm – 4pm EST  www.AfricanHistoryNetwork.com     Baltimore: Jenifer Lewis of "Black-ish" & Talk Show Host Michael Imhotep of "The African History Network Show" at the 17th Annual Baltimore Natural Hair Care Expo at the UMBC Event Center, Sat. April 7th & Sun. April 8th. Don't miss his workshop on Sat. on "Great African Women In History The Mothers of Civilization" with Michael Imhotep?. Visit http://www.NaturalHairCareExpo.com for more information.

Flyover PolitiK
FOP 2 - 23 - 18

Flyover PolitiK

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2018 196:22


Flyover Politik Podcast 2-23-18 Today's Show: 1- Media forsakes objectivity and goes all in: - Abolishment of the 2nd amendment - Attacks NRA demonizes gun owners - Kids now write legislation - Comforter in Chief - No other suggestions are viable 2- Mueller indictments disclose Russians sponsored dem rallies and loved Joy Reid. CNN doxs a pro trump old lady 3- CNN conducts "Witch Trial" AKA Townhall. Kids show their stripes and liken Rubio to shooter and want to burn Dana Loesch 4- CNN Witch Trial scripted and fake other examples revealed 5- News and Social Media Nuggets Next show TBD

Raider-Cop Nation
Episode #21 "What's Next"?

Raider-Cop Nation

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 8, 2018 52:23


Date: 2/8/2018 From: LPolice Radio  To: Audience  Subject: Note for episode # 21 "What's Next"?  Host Alpha Mike discussed the breakdown of all new podcast. The new segment format will keep the audience engaged and they will know what they get before they get it! or something like that. The breakdown is the following: A or 1. First 15 minutes of the episode with deal with police, corrections, and investigation. new stories. (15 Minutes)  B or 2. Interview with a guest or a series. (30 minutes)  C or 3. The Conversation, your needs and requested relationship with God. (15 Minutes)  D or 4. Promo of the next episode on LPolice Radio. (5-Minutes)    A1. News: Mayor Bill DeDumbo issues an instruction to NYPD on dealing with ICE. NYPD mentioned that the Mayor (Big-Bird) was referring to the newly formed policy. Really where did the police comes from?  A2. The arrest of Ravi Ragbir how the mayor dealt with it giving the NYPD marching orders. NYPD dealing with crowd control or commy control? over the arrest. A3. Democracy Now makes case for the socialist left on the Ravi arrest. A4. Dems acting out at State of the Union?  A5. New law: Abolishment of Human Trafficking Act.    B1. Interview: With host Alpha Mike on the 4 new segments that will keep the audience more engaged. B2. o9TG (Training Group) What type of training, and why? B3. o9TG will have a podcast (30mins) on training, as well as a blog (show notes) which will be free of charge.  B4. o9TG will also have a vlog via YouTube  B5. o9TG also creating a paid membership site that will give members full access to the course and curriculums. Paid membership rates are still pending, but it may be the same of the price of a soda, bag of chips, and pack of gum.  B6. Alpha Mike talks about not having sponsorship so that they can't control the content of the shows.  B7. Alpha Mike on the power of thinking out of the box, in development of the o9TG curriculums. examples: How to testify in court, Firearms usage, forgetting the 7 fundamentals of shooting? kind of! o9TG is a unique perspective on training, what is lacking in LEO 4 year cycle training. B8. While the haters are on the sidelines, o9TG is in the game.   Don't forget to plug into all the podcast: Leatherneck7  o9TG  LPolice Radio The Conversation: Your relationship with God. Just as King Nebuchadnezzar had an ego the size of his kingdom, God humbled him, when he becomes almost an animal living in the grass, his hair grew like that of an old eagle, his nails like those of a bird, and He was humble and confronted by Gods power. King Nebuchadnezzar realized that all he had came from God. Look at all he had to deal with for failing to recognize his mistake. Don't become a Nebuchadnezzar.  Promo: Episode # 22 "It's good to be an American"!  reference: NYPD cops ordered to limit cooperation with ICE agents after criticism over Ravi Ragbir arrest The Ravi arrest, Who? that's what I said. Dems acting out at the State of the Union address.  Famous Ravi the activist? for real, listen to this guy you be the judge.  

Fluff Piece
7: Tweezer Theft, Strawberry Blonde Juveniles and Doner Abolishment

Fluff Piece

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 4, 2017 60:43


Here it is, arguably our best episode EVER, up to now. We hit all the major stories you missed this week, fill you in on the HOTTEST Panto dates, and bring you a spooky new feature! A sarcastic, frequently tastless, and if you're lucky - amusing look at the News nobody cares about! This podcast is powered by Pinecast.

Our Own Voices Live
Abolishment of Slavery from the 13th Amendment

Our Own Voices Live

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 11, 2017 76:00


Welcome to Our Own Voices Live with your hosts: Angela Thomas & Rodney Smith Our Topic(s) today: “Abolishment of Slavery from the 13th Amendment!” If you have a question, comment or just want to listen, give us a call: (347) 826-9600. Press #1 to speak    Abolishment of Slavery from the 13th Amendment How many of you know that slavery was not completely abolished with the passage of the 13th Amendment that was supposed to abolish slavery?  Here is how it reads, “Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction. Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation. So, as you see, there is a form of slavery that is still legal in America.  How does it impact the present and Isn’t it time for it to truly be a thing of the past? Let’s discuss this.   If you have a question, comment or just want to listen, give us a call: (347) 826-9600. Press #1 to speak   Our Own Voices Live is a radio show featuring people and stories from our community in Las Vegas, the surrounding area and some place near you. America is the greatest country on earth due to its cultural diversity and not in spite of it. Our mission is to help bridge the cultural and ethnic divide in America by working together to build the greatest bridge in history to unite us  

AnAnarchistConversation
Government Property After Collapse or Abolishment

AnAnarchistConversation

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 4, 2016 19:30


This topic is vital to what happens after the existence of government as we know it. What is to Become of Government Property After Collapse or Abolishment?

Update@Noon
Lesotho nationals call for abolishment of borders between SA and Lesotho

Update@Noon

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 10, 2015 2:23


Lesotho nationals in South Africa continue to call for the abolishment of borders between their country and South Africa. According to the Free Movement of Basotho, there is a need for the incorporation of their country into South Africa, an ideology they are negotiating with their government. They are also calling for the implementation of the SADC free trade area and SADC free movement treaty. Their movement has also been established in all the nine provinces, by mostly domestic workers, mine workers and other labourers who have spent a considerable time in South Africa. Bafedile Moerane compiled this report....

WTN Radio - DJ Don't Panic
DJ Don’t Panic – Abolishment

WTN Radio - DJ Don't Panic

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 26, 2013 44:18


http://tinyurl.com/djdontpanic Donate? https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=E67TTQR5DLFWJ R.I.P. DJ Mehdi Track list: Clint Eastwood – Feel Lucky Excision & Downlink – Existence VIP Superginger – Gimme The Loot (Superginger Dubstep Remix) Gesaffelstein – Opr Freestylers Feat. Tenor Fly – B Boy Stance Chase & Status – Hitz (Dillon Francis Remix) Mastgrr – Cooking by the Book (lil’ Bigger Mix) [...]

Cast In Wax
Episode 132: Calling for the Abolishment of the Scarfing of Kilowatts

Cast In Wax

Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2012 86:32


A very special episode, donating all its profit to an organization Calling for the Abolishment of the Scarfing of Kilowatts...in other words, the much talked about and recently growing epidemic of people eating lamps. No one knows how this tragedy began...but we're going to do whatever we can to help stop the horror. Please...don't eat lamps. In this episode: The return of Slam Jackson: Adventurist! with Slam and his narrating ally on a super-secret stakeout! Two episodes of This Day in History and Celebrity Where Are They Now In History featuring dealing with Israel and prostate cancer! The next installment of fan-favorite series Scapie Stories from a Cat in the Dark, in which he tells Ron Kurz and Phil Scuderi's Friday the 13th Part II to "Lyn Nelson"! The third episode of the miniseries Nathan Van Etten Saves Vermont in which Nathan arrives in the titular state to find someone he knows already there! A bubbling brew of listener mail! A quickie ukulele cover from Jordan of NOFX's "You Drink, You Drive, You Spill". A plea for iTunes reviews! Go review us! Spill! Download it now! And, please, send us your questions, comments, suggestions, and housing requests to castinwax@gmail.com! As text or MP3s! We're not picky!