Podcasts about goat boy

Miracle On Route 34: Part 2 Virginia and Santa face extreme danger together. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. "Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" "What?" "I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" "You’re shitting me, right?" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. "Silent night; Holy night;" Bing crooned through the room. "Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. "Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" "Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?" Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. "Seriously?" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" "I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" "Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' "I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for” "I didn't ask, why are you answering?" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. "Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the Jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiraling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. "Eep;" Ginny said quietly, going pale. They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. "Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" "You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her pursuers. "I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the body slumped only slowly and wetly. "How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. "They're mostly quantum, they don't always perceive real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" "Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her tits was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" "Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" "The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death? Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?" "Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" "Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger; She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. "Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. "Virginia, language!" Santa warned. She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. "This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright, they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segmented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. "Fuck fuck fuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. "Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell;" With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. "Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. "I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we, are you getting bigger?" "I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." "You're; consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. "That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." "Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and her foes, backing her up against the wall. "They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." "I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. "They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." "Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. "You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hard body physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. "No!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armored its back and pulled, it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. "Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! No no no!" One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. "Stay; the; fuck; down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. "It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" "No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." "Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" "I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." "No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" "If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine, hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. "Do; do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. "I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." "Is; is that going to be enough?" She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. "I don't know, Virginia." She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. "I don't;" Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd; well; that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. "Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." "Merry Christmas, Virginia;" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia;" She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armor and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armor and long hair was a riot of colors that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating war cries pierced the air. And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. "Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armor. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. "My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." "Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" "Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armor with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." "What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they; appropriated armor, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." "Wow. Gay;" she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armor and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armor, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. "They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." "I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. "There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" "Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homicidal elves to kill by. Got it;" She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. "Okay;" she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music; mass slaughter music;" What constituted mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? Teletubbies music? She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies; Christmas music; hip-hop; trance; disco; "Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked, it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. She'd shaved her cunt for this? "And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this hack!" She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. "Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. "Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armor with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." "Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to” "Kringle!" "Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged, the snow and ice glittered with frozen blood. "Kringle!" snarled the inhuman voice angrily. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him, the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. Krampus. And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. "Hi, Santa;" she said weakly, looking very apologetic. Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. "By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. "Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." "Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" "Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty, Gurr!" "Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." "There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." "I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." "About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't; couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" "Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. "It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." "Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" "Silence!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behavior! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" "These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." "Shut up!" growled Krampus. "Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" "I'm warning you, Kringle;" Krampus said dangerously. "Oh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. "We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. "And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her cunt. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. "Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. "And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his appendage wrapped around her tits, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. "Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. "Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" "This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. "Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her cunt lips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. "Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. "Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. "Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-cock," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her tits. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen cunt lips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. "As you wish, child;" The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her cunt. The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' cock pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. "Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. "Krampus;" Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. "The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." "Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was” "You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. "Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his cock in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it; titillating." "Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." "Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." "How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your cock, Billy G." He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" "Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her cunt squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" "What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." "Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" "Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Uh, so close, goddammit!" "Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. "Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a bad boy you are!" Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" "Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation; Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. "Fuck;" Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker;" She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?" Santa paused. "What?" "I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" "Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." Ginny then pointed a finger at her savior. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescued me from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" "Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her cunt and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satisfied to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." "Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." "Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "About; Face!" As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager cunt against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. "Hmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her cunt lips. "Make me cum hard and fast." She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her cunt wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. "Yes," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her cunt clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Oh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. "Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Uh, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use, she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingernail across his broad chest. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. "Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jack wagon’s fault. You should totally napalm his face." Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" "Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." "I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. "Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her cunt and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptized him. "Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate;" He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. "Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." "Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." "Sire!" said one of the armored elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So; now what?" Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here;" She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." Chapter 3, Christmas Wishes "How the hell do you drive this thing?" Ginny called in a panic, her eyes wide as she held onto the reigns, twisting them wildly as she tried to steer. Up ahead of her, eight large reindeer squealed and thrashed their heads. The sleigh corkscrewed while it hurtled through the cold night air, the moon shining down on them. "Well, first of all, stop panicking," Santa replied as he stood on the back of the sleigh, atop his huge red sack of toys. He was more or less back to his original size she had become accustomed to, now that he had sent his other 'iterations' of himself out over the globe to deliver presents. "That would be an excellent start." "Easy for you to say," she snapped, scowling back at him for a moment since taking her eyes off her designated path seemed to make no difference to how she was doing at navigating. "You're used to doing this!" "Trust me, between the two of us, you're the one with the easy job right now and I'd be happy to trade," he called back as he ducked wildly. A comically large rocket thundered by, with an evil-looking man strapped to the bottom of it, swinging a weapon wildly to hit Santa. "Try to keep her steady!" "While dodging psychos on rockets, no problem!" she grumbled, trying to ignore the howling wind and roaring projectiles. "Have I mentioned Krampus is a gigantic asshole?" "Repeatedly," Santa answered, watching warily. The sky was threaded with jets of fire as their enemies kept coming about in ponderous, elliptical arcs and heading back towards them, intent on their destruction. They had only just pulled off from the smoldering remains of Ginny's country chateau when the assault began. Krampus was nowhere to be seen, but his minions were clearly determined to avenge him. "Maybe urinating on him wasn't such a good idea. He never did take humiliation well." Ginny squawked in alarm and ducked as a rocket streaked right at her. Santa jumped in the air, doing the splits to avoid the projectile and landing back on top of his present sack. Another tried to pull up alongside them but Santa grabbed the harness the man was wearing and wrenched the rocket off course, sending it speeding into one some distance away. Both rockets (and presumably their pilots) exploded in a violent orgy of noise and flashing lights. "Really hope people just think those are fireworks," Santa muttered as he looked glared balefully at yet another rocket considering approaching. "Fireworks right in the middle of the world's most spastic meteor shower. Sure, they'll buy that;" "Funny part is I can't tell if you're serious," Ginny said loudly. "If they don't believe that narrative, then they've gotta accept that Santa Claus was engaged in an epic air battle over their town with quantum men strapped to rockets." "Truth is often stranger than fiction," Santa agreed, nodding. "Fighting these jerks off is taking too much time!" "Well, don't you have anything in your back of tricks there?" Ginny asked. In spite of the sleigh being open, it seemed to have some weird form of climate control and she'd been getting rather warm. To that end she'd pulled down her top, exposing her tits to cool herself off. The breeze allowed through made her nipples tingle delightfully, but not enough to distract her from driving the sleigh. After all, she often drove ninety minutes to her job wearing a vibrating insert in her panties, so she knew for a fact she could orgasm and still control a vehicle. A wheeled one, at least. She wasn't so sure about a sleigh doing Mach Three at twenty thousand feet. "You mean a weapon?" Santa asked. "In the bag full of toys for kids?" "You gave me a nerf gun out of that bag and it turned out to be some sort of doomsday device, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Scary lightning bolts everywhere. I refuse to believe you don't have some other goodies in there." Santa shrugged and squatted down to look inside the bag, getting narrowly missed by another rocket that shot over his head. The pilot cursed and came around again, aiming directly at the chassis of the sleigh from the side. Ginny's eyes widened in fright as she saw him approach. She jerked the reins to one side and the sleigh tilted ninety degrees, presenting its wide, flat red underside. The rocket slammed into it and exploded. Whatever it was made of or whatever shielding was in place, Ginny only heard the detonation and felt a rumble, but there was no damage aside from that. "Ha!" Santa said, standing tall and holding an electric guitar in the air, its black body gleamed in the moonlight. He put the strap around his neck and took several seconds to tune it, ignoring the aerial mayhem that swirled around him. "The hell are you going to do with that?" Ginny asked, scowling as she looked behind to see what he was up to. "You said to find something, I found something," he said simply as he checked the pickups. "Now let's see what we can do here;" He took the pick in hand and strummed it across the strings, a screeching pulse of sound blared out from the instrument, heading in all directions. It struck several rockets nearby, which exploded brightly. Other were knocked off course, spiraling around crazily as they fought for control. Santa laughed loudly, apparently enjoying himself. "Quit laughing and kill, red man!" Ginny yelled, nonplussed by his amusement. "I want to survive the night and I've had several close calls with death already!" "I'm working on it, Virginia, patience." Santa chided, adjusting the tuners momentarily. "Near-death experiences make you cranky." "No shit, Sherlock," she grumbled as he blasted out another screeching wave of sound. "Do you plan to play anything or just keep shrieking out that one sound?" "As you wish," he said cheerfully, pleased to be doing as she asked. Making her happy was all he cared about. He began playing a heavy metal version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries', the pulsing walls of sound thundering out and striking every foe within hundreds of

Miracle On Route 34: Part 2 Virginia and Santa face extreme danger together. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. "Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" "What?" "I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" "You’re shitting me, right?" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. "Silent night; Holy night;" Bing crooned through the room. "Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. "Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" "Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?" Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. "Seriously?" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" "I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" "Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' "I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for” "I didn't ask, why are you answering?" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. "Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the Jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiraling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. "Eep;" Ginny said quietly, going pale. They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. "Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" "You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her pursuers. "I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the body slumped only slowly and wetly. "How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. "They're mostly quantum, they don't always perceive real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" "Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her tits was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" "Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" "The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death? Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?" "Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" "Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger; She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. "Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. "Virginia, language!" Santa warned. She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. "This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright, they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segmented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. "Fuck fuck fuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. "Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell;" With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. "Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. "I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we, are you getting bigger?" "I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." "You're; consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. "That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." "Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and her foes, backing her up against the wall. "They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." "I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. "They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." "Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. "You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hard body physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. "No!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armored its back and pulled, it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. "Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! No no no!" One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. "Stay; the; fuck; down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. "It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" "No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." "Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" "I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." "No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" "If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine, hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. "Do; do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. "I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." "Is; is that going to be enough?" She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. "I don't know, Virginia." She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. "I don't;" Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd; well; that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. "Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." "Merry Christmas, Virginia;" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia;" She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armor and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armor and long hair was a riot of colors that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating war cries pierced the air. And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. "Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armor. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. "My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." "Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" "Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armor with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." "What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they; appropriated armor, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." "Wow. Gay;" she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armor and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armor, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. "They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." "I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. "There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" "Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homicidal elves to kill by. Got it;" She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. "Okay;" she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music; mass slaughter music;" What constituted mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? Teletubbies music? She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies; Christmas music; hip-hop; trance; disco; "Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked, it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. She'd shaved her cunt for this? "And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this hack!" She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. "Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. "Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armor with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." "Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to” "Kringle!" "Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged, the snow and ice glittered with frozen blood. "Kringle!" snarled the inhuman voice angrily. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him, the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. Krampus. And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. "Hi, Santa;" she said weakly, looking very apologetic. Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. "By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. "Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." "Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" "Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty, Gurr!" "Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." "There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." "I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." "About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't; couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" "Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. "It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." "Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" "Silence!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behavior! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" "These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." "Shut up!" growled Krampus. "Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" "I'm warning you, Kringle;" Krampus said dangerously. "Oh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. "We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. "And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her cunt. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. "Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. "And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his appendage wrapped around her tits, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. "Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. "Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" "This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. "Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her cunt lips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. "Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. "Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. "Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-cock," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her tits. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen cunt lips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. "As you wish, child;" The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her cunt. The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' cock pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. "Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. "Krampus;" Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. "The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." "Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was” "You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. "Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his cock in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it; titillating." "Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." "Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." "How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your cock, Billy G." He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" "Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her cunt squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" "What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." "Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" "Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Uh, so close, goddammit!" "Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. "Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a bad boy you are!" Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" "Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation; Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. "Fuck;" Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker;" She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?" Santa paused. "What?" "I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" "Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." Ginny then pointed a finger at her savior. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescued me from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" "Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her cunt and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satisfied to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." "Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." "Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "About; Face!" As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager cunt against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. "Hmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her cunt lips. "Make me cum hard and fast." She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her cunt wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. "Yes," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her cunt clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Oh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. "Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Uh, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use, she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingernail across his broad chest. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. "Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jack wagon’s fault. You should totally napalm his face." Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" "Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." "I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. "Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her cunt and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptized him. "Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate;" He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. "Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." "Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." "Sire!" said one of the armored elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So; now what?" Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here;" She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." Chapter 3, Christmas Wishes "How the hell do you drive this thing?" Ginny called in a panic, her eyes wide as she held onto the reigns, twisting them wildly as she tried to steer. Up ahead of her, eight large reindeer squealed and thrashed their heads. The sleigh corkscrewed while it hurtled through the cold night air, the moon shining down on them. "Well, first of all, stop panicking," Santa replied as he stood on the back of the sleigh, atop his huge red sack of toys. He was more or less back to his original size she had become accustomed to, now that he had sent his other 'iterations' of himself out over the globe to deliver presents. "That would be an excellent start." "Easy for you to say," she snapped, scowling back at him for a moment since taking her eyes off her designated path seemed to make no difference to how she was doing at navigating. "You're used to doing this!" "Trust me, between the two of us, you're the one with the easy job right now and I'd be happy to trade," he called back as he ducked wildly. A comically large rocket thundered by, with an evil-looking man strapped to the bottom of it, swinging a weapon wildly to hit Santa. "Try to keep her steady!" "While dodging psychos on rockets, no problem!" she grumbled, trying to ignore the howling wind and roaring projectiles. "Have I mentioned Krampus is a gigantic asshole?" "Repeatedly," Santa answered, watching warily. The sky was threaded with jets of fire as their enemies kept coming about in ponderous, elliptical arcs and heading back towards them, intent on their destruction. They had only just pulled off from the smoldering remains of Ginny's country chateau when the assault began. Krampus was nowhere to be seen, but his minions were clearly determined to avenge him. "Maybe urinating on him wasn't such a good idea. He never did take humiliation well." Ginny squawked in alarm and ducked as a rocket streaked right at her. Santa jumped in the air, doing the splits to avoid the projectile and landing back on top of his present sack. Another tried to pull up alongside them but Santa grabbed the harness the man was wearing and wrenched the rocket off course, sending it speeding into one some distance away. Both rockets (and presumably their pilots) exploded in a violent orgy of noise and flashing lights. "Really hope people just think those are fireworks," Santa muttered as he looked glared balefully at yet another rocket considering approaching. "Fireworks right in the middle of the world's most spastic meteor shower. Sure, they'll buy that;" "Funny part is I can't tell if you're serious," Ginny said loudly. "If they don't believe that narrative, then they've gotta accept that Santa Claus was engaged in an epic air battle over their town with quantum men strapped to rockets." "Truth is often stranger than fiction," Santa agreed, nodding. "Fighting these jerks off is taking too much time!" "Well, don't you have anything in your back of tricks there?" Ginny asked. In spite of the sleigh being open, it seemed to have some weird form of climate control and she'd been getting rather warm. To that end she'd pulled down her top, exposing her tits to cool herself off. The breeze allowed through made her nipples tingle delightfully, but not enough to distract her from driving the sleigh. After all, she often drove ninety minutes to her job wearing a vibrating insert in her panties, so she knew for a fact she could orgasm and still control a vehicle. A wheeled one, at least. She wasn't so sure about a sleigh doing Mach Three at twenty thousand feet. "You mean a weapon?" Santa asked. "In the bag full of toys for kids?" "You gave me a nerf gun out of that bag and it turned out to be some sort of doomsday device, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Scary lightning bolts everywhere. I refuse to believe you don't have some other goodies in there." Santa shrugged and squatted down to look inside the bag, getting narrowly missed by another rocket that shot over his head. The pilot cursed and came around again, aiming directly at the chassis of the sleigh from the side. Ginny's eyes widened in fright as she saw him approach. She jerked the reins to one side and the sleigh tilted ninety degrees, presenting its wide, flat red underside. The rocket slammed into it and exploded. Whatever it was made of or whatever shielding was in place, Ginny only heard the detonation and felt a rumble, but there was no damage aside from that. "Ha!" Santa said, standing tall and holding an electric guitar in the air, its black body gleamed in the moonlight. He put the strap around his neck and took several seconds to tune it, ignoring the aerial mayhem that swirled around him. "The hell are you going to do with that?" Ginny asked, scowling as she looked behind to see what he was up to. "You said to find something, I found something," he said simply as he checked the pickups. "Now let's see what we can do here;" He took the pick in hand and strummed it across the strings, a screeching pulse of sound blared out from the instrument, heading in all directions. It struck several rockets nearby, which exploded brightly. Other were knocked off course, spiraling around crazily as they fought for control. Santa laughed loudly, apparently enjoying himself. "Quit laughing and kill, red man!" Ginny yelled, nonplussed by his amusement. "I want to survive the night and I've had several close calls with death already!" "I'm working on it, Virginia, patience." Santa chided, adjusting the tuners momentarily. "Near-death experiences make you cranky." "No shit, Sherlock," she grumbled as he blasted out another screeching wave of sound. "Do you plan to play anything or just keep shrieking out that one sound?" "As you wish," he said cheerfully, pleased to be doing as she asked. Making her happy was all he cared about. He began playing a heavy metal version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries', the pulsing walls of sound thundering out and striking every foe within hundreds of

In this episode the 7th Tower Gang harnesses the dead and fights two gangs to get their payoutCast- Reza- LenaThe Magnificent Figaro- Danny DelucaGamemaster- Jared WitkofskyAl Key- Chris FrenchPerberton- Andrew Collins-AndersonKevin- Morgan JustTony 'The Toe' Tito- Chris ThielFeaturing music by Pressure Highway, Jordan Fickel,  Danny Deluca and Motoshi Kosako  This work is based on Blades in the Dark (found at http://www.bladesinthedark.com/), product of One Seven Design, developed and authored by John Harper, and licensed for our use under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/). 

This episode is full of "They Them Energy," lots of fun silly Irish limericks, and our usual offensive selves! Are Pat and Goat Boy f***ing? ⁠FIND ALL THINGS STICKY DOLL HERE⁠(0:00) Show Intro(11:32) Moxee Correspondent P.A.L.™ (33:40) Pat and Goat Boy Call(41:45) Hector from Boyle Heights Call(58:07) O.V.E.R.R.E.A.C.T.I.O.N.™★ STICKY DOLL is a Industrial Punk Band and Funny as Fuck Podcasters "If this video offends you please go to church after you watch it." -El Sancho, STICKY DOLL⁠FIND ALL THINGS STICKY DOLL HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠All STICKY DOLL Music is 100% BASS & DRUMS ONLY - No Guitar.★ ⁠Official Music and Merch⁠★ ⁠Youtube Channel⁠★ Follow Us on Facebook⁠ AND listen to our Podcast "In Bed w/ STICKY DOLL" on YouTube Music, Spotify, Apple, or wherever YOU listen!FEATURED STICKY DOLL SONG ⁠"⁠⁠⁠⁠Identity (X-Ray Spex Redux)⁠⁠"⁠ Pat O'Neill Riley is an androgynous fictional character[1] created and performed by Julia Sweeney for the American sketch comedy show Saturday Night Live (SNL) from 1990 to 1994.[2] The character was later featured in the film It's Pat. The central humorous aspect of sketches featuring Pat is the inability of others to determine the character's gender. Goat Boy (Jim Breuer) was a half-human half-goat hybrid who hosted the fake MTV show, "Hey, Remember the 80s?"[32] At the outset, Goat Boy was a typical veejay-talk show host who introduced 80s video clips and guests from the era. During the sketches, he started braying and kicking and was subdued by scientists standing by with electric prods. Debuted May 11, 1996. ⁠FIND ALL THINGS STICKY DOLL HERE⁠#punk #snl #podcast #comedy #cartoon

St. Patty's Day Call with Pat from SNL. The original trans to end all trans! Goat Boy jumps in here and there and starts f***ing near the end. ⁠FIND ALL THINGS STICKY DOLL HERE⁠(0:00) Show Intro(3:25) The Madness with Goat Boy!★ STICKY DOLL is a Industrial Punk Band and Funny as Fuck Podcasters "If this video offends you please go to church after you watch it." -El Sancho, STICKY DOLL⁠FIND ALL THINGS STICKY DOLL HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠All STICKY DOLL Music is 100% BASS & DRUMS ONLY - No Guitar.★ ⁠Official Music and Merch⁠★ ⁠Youtube Channel⁠★ ⁠Watch all our Live Stream shows on Facebook⁠ AND listen to our Podcast "In Bed w/ STICKY DOLL" on YouTube Music, Spotify, Apple, or wherever YOU listen!FEATURED STICKY DOLL SONG ⁠"⁠⁠⁠⁠Scary Voodoo Girl⁠⁠⁠⁠"⁠ Pat O'Neill Riley is an androgynous fictional character[1] created and performed by Julia Sweeney for the American sketch comedy show Saturday Night Live (SNL) from 1990 to 1994.[2] The character was later featured in the film It's Pat. The central humorous aspect of sketches featuring Pat is the inability of others to determine the character's gender. Goat Boy (Jim Breuer) was a half-human half-goat hybrid who hosted the fake MTV show, "Hey, Remember the 80s?"[32] At the outset, Goat Boy was a typical veejay-talk show host who introduced 80s video clips and guests from the era. During the sketches, he started braying and kicking and was subdued by scientists standing by with electric prods. Debuted May 11, 1996. ⁠FIND ALL THINGS STICKY DOLL HERE⁠#punk #snl #podcast #comedy #cartoon

This is part 2 of my discussion with my great friend and comedy cohort Tim Wilkins. We discuss the League of Comedic Shadows, Trump as Goat Boy, The Dark Side of Comedy, Casino Advertising and more. Tim and I have worked many gigs together and have a ton to talk about so sit back and enjoy the 33 year relationship of two stand up comics.

Jeremy and Boss remind everyone about the Goat Boy assassination attempt, write about Shifters, give their incel listeners a chance to not be evil, and enjoy their new Saw life as they discuss Leonard Kirtman's Reunion.

Comedian Jim Breuer Interview | The Brett Allan Show "Survival with Laughter" Jim Breuer is a renowned comedian and actor, best known for his energetic performances, charismatic stage presence, and relatable humor. Born and raised in Valley Stream, New York, Jim discovered his passion for comedy at an early age. He quickly made a name for himself in the stand-up comedy circuit, captivating audiences with his unique comedic style. Career Highlights: Saturday Night Live (SNL): Jim gained national fame as a cast member on "Saturday Night Live" from 1995 to 1998. He is best known for his iconic characters, including "Goat Boy" and his spot-on impersonation of Joe Pesci. His time on SNL solidified his status as a prominent figure in comedy. Half Baked: Jim's role as Brian in the cult classic comedy film "Half Baked" (1998) further showcased his comedic talents and endeared him to a broader audience. Stand-Up Comedy: Jim Breuer is a seasoned stand-up comedian with multiple comedy specials to his name, including "Jim Breuer: Hardcore" (2002), "Let's Clear the Air" (2009), and "Jim Breuer: Comic Frenzy" (2015). His comedy often revolves around his life experiences, family, and everyday observations, making his humor both relatable and timeless. Radio and Podcasting: In addition to his work in television and film, Jim has enjoyed success as a radio host and podcaster. His radio show "Breuer Unleashed" on SiriusXM garnered a loyal following. Personal Life: Jim Breuer is not just a comedian but also a dedicated family man. He often incorporates stories about his wife and children into his routines, offering a humorous yet heartfelt glimpse into his personal life. Jim's ability to connect with his audience on a personal level has endeared him to fans of all ages. Influence and Legacy: Jim Breuer's impact on comedy is undeniable. With a career spanning over three decades, he has remained a relevant and beloved figure in the entertainment industry. His unique blend of physical comedy, storytelling, and relatable humor continues to inspire and entertain audiences worldwide. Connect with Jim: Twitter: @JimBreuer Instagram: @officialjimbreuer Facebook: @JimBreuer Jim Breuer's enduring appeal lies in his ability to make people laugh while touching on the universal aspects of life. Whether through his stand-up, acting, or podcasting, Jim remains a cherished figure in the world of comedy. Connect with us on our website for more amazing conversations! www.brettallanshow.com Have you got some feedback? Let us know! openmicguest@gmail.com Follow us on social media! Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thebrettallanshow Instagram https://www.instagram.com/brettallanshow/ YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@TheBrettAllanShow/videos LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/brett-allan-009458168/ Support the show! https://thebrettallanshow.creator-spring.com/listing/the-brett-allan-show-swag Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And we're back with yet another installment of our award winning segment ...And We're Back! where we take a deep dive into an SNL recurring character and watch all their appearances.  This week we watched Goat Boy in all his glory.  As we established the last time we did this with Mango we are giving ourselves an out.  There are 10 SNL sketch appearances of Goat Boy and we're here to see how many we can stomach before calling it quits (spoiler alert, we don't make it to all 10).  We may one day revisit this one-note character from Jim Breuer but not today so sit back, relax, and listen to the madness that happens when two guys try to sit through 45 minutes of a man making goat noises for our amusement.  Enjoy!Sketches IncludeGoat Boy Sings Popular Songs From The 80's - Season 21, Episode 19 hosted by Christine BaranskiHey, Remember The 80's - Season 22, Episode 1 hosted by Tom HanksHey, Remember The 80's - Season 22, Episode 4 hosted by Dana CarveyA Christmas Greeting From Goat Boy - Season 22, Episode 9 hosted by Rosie O'DonnellCharlie Rose - Season 22, Episode 13 hosted by Chevy ChaseFull archive of all podcast episodes available at saturdaynightjive.blogspot.comEmail us anything at saturdaynightjivepodcast@gmail.comDownload Here

Season 4 Episode 8 “D&D, Mini gaming, how to fix Wrestling, and a Goat” Today we ramble like we do about D&D and other mini games. Chad talks about his new found love of BoltAction. Wes talks about how HE could fix the WWE and there is an appearance of GoatBoy. Support the showThe Nerdy Old Men Podcast | Facebook

Stretching before stand-up, prank calls at Sears, and Goat Boy with Jim Breuer. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Johanna Bear shares her short story about a small town parson and the horrors that await him and his congregation. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/joey-armstrong1/support

We come right out with our lone email for the week with Travis who wants to know how we would spend the day with Werner Herzog. The tragic loss of a billionaire and some other peeps in the Titanic OceanGate sub is absolutely the fault of the OceanGate CEO Stockton Rush. Ricky Wood is a funny guy who was in Confess, Fletch which Mike enjoyed, but Luke loathed. Anthony Fauci has a complicated past beyond just Covid stuff. Jim Breuer has changed a great deal since the days of Goat Boy. The PGA Tour accepted the Saudis into their tour as investors. Does it matter? Is the Saudi Arabian government any worse in their actions over history than the government of the United States? Nobody seems to care if Saudi money infiltrates every avenue of the economy. Jason Alexander has issues apparently. It all starts with the McDLT in 1985 but he also has derogatory things to say about the game of Cricket. Jerry Seinfeld loathed Mitzi Shore who owned the Comedy Store stand-up until she died in 2018. Seinfeld may be a very petty dude. Govier is excited because the NBA Draft was Thursday night (fast forward Dave & Eric) and Victor Wembanyama is the future of humankind. Black Mirror is so good that Luke and Mike had to turn it off before. Luke compared it to watching Brawl In Cell Block 99 & Dragged Over Concrete back to back. Mike has some Central Michigan University memories of his long lost roommate Ron. Thanks to him the Xzihibit classic Paparazzi was introduced to Govier's world. Then there is plenty of Papa Roach & Magic Man. We love you all! Really! We are very pleased with our little world that together we have formed thanks to this show. This show has no substance to it without you listening and emailing. We close the show with The Guillotine by The Coup. If any of our nonsense provokes your thoughts, please share them with us at isitsafepod@gmail.com

Here's an angle we've come up with for you here in the Wolfe Pack: with the NBA Playoffs heating up, MLB starting up, and the NFL Draft beginning this weekend, we're thinking a LOT about team sports...and that's our approach to knocking out the kind of quality show our top fans like! We've got a might strong roster of news and current events, politics, our favorite music, and the aforementioned sports--and visits from your old friends Joe Exotic, Goat Boy, Carolina Man, the Devil himself, and a lot more. And there's only one way to celebrate the 90th birthday of Willie Nelson--so twist one up with us, and let's honor the man with a toke and a smile! This bud's for you.

Be a part of POP-UP SUBMISSIONS, the internet's first ever live manuscript submission event, hosted by literary agent Peter Cox and his expert guests from the publishing industry. Every week, five submissions are reviewed and the verdict is given by Peter, his guests and the geniuses in the Pop-Up Genius Room. Every month, one winner goes on to the quarterly knock-out where they are fast-tracked to a renowned publisher for serious publishing consideration. _________________________________________________________ Join us live in the YouTube chat room every Sunday at 5pm UK / 12noon EST _________________________________________________________ 0:00 Featured on today's show: 00:03:37 * "Break Glass" is the debut novel by Ryan Pote, a twelve-year Navy veteran, helicopter pilot, and special operations task force leader. Pote is a master's degree holder and former scuba diving instructor and technician. Thriller / Narrated by Barbara Rickenbacher 00:18:55 * "Silence of the Stars" is Patrick Leitzen's debut science fiction novel. A National Guard infantryman and logistics professional, Patrick brings his unique experiences and passion for writing to the page. Science Fiction/ Space Opera / Narrated by Alison Gardiner 00:43:17 * Starr Diethorn is a multi-talented author and MBA graduate with thirty-six years of marriage and two daughters. She has written two novels in the mystery genre, including "Death at Wildbough". Mystery / Narrated by Hannah Faoileán 01:02:53 * Doug Hunter is the author of the book "Goat Boy", his first published work. Hunter, a Calgarian, brings to life his characters and experiences through a unique and entertaining perspective. His love for stories and creative universe contribute to his ability to capture imaginations and deeply entertain. Science Fiction / Narrated by Martin Ross 01:17:02 * Walkiria Bass is a psychotherapist and aspiring author from Brazil, now living in England. She is an activist and volunteer translator for Stop Ecocide and uses writing to process trauma. Her latest book, "Seven Magpies Falling Dead from the Skies", is her therapeutic process to deal with eco-grief. Her previous book is the well-received self-published memoir "The Mother of Honey". Fast paced commercial contemporary fiction thriller / Narrated by Geoff Sullivan _________________________________________________________ Starring on this week's panel… Bestselling Author RC BRIDGESTOCK! Together with Litopia's very own ALI GARDINER! _________________________________________________________ Check out RC Bridgestock's website: RCBridgestock.Com Make a submission⇛ https://subs.litopia.com Audio podcast⇛ https://pop.litopia.com Our Narrators⇛ https://voice.litopia.com We're doing something exciting, a little bit risky, and very new… Please support us by subscribing to our channel and by spreading the word on your social media! ✪ POP-UP GEAR ✪ Microphones⇛ Shure SM7B https://amzn.to/3wJ62uo Preamp⇛ ART TPS II 2-channel Tube Microphone Preamp https://amzn.to/3kG11Af Audio interface⇛ Marian Seraph 8 MKII TRS https://www.thomann.de/gb/marian_seraph_8_mkii_trs.htm Cameras⇛ Sony Vlog ZV-1 https://amzn.to/3MDDU2i Lighting⇛ Elgato Key Light - Professional 2800 lumens Studio Light with desk clamp https://amzn.to/3wKLwtr Vision Mixing⇛ Elgato Stream Deck XL – Advanced Studio Controller https://amzn.to/38Fzl96 #writingtips #writingtipsandtricks #books #author

One of the "100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time," Jim Breuer joined NBC's "Saturday Night Live" in 1995. Since then, he has gone on to star in several movies, tour the country with his "Heavy Metal Man" and "Family Man" comedy tours, and host a daily show on SIRIUS Satellite Radio called "Breuer Unleashed." You may remember Jim as the infamous Goat Boy from SNL, or his stoner persona from the cult hit "Half Baked." Now he's clearing the air with his concert event, chronicling his transformation from childhood to ultimate family man. YouTube: https://bit.ly/3ymp1to Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ComedyDynamics Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/ComedyDynamics TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/J1wucyQ/ Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/ComedyDynamics http://www.comedydynamics.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Time to take down the disco ball y'all, 'cause the Wolfe Pack is damned nearly done with celebrating a New Year and getting right down to business! The crew is back together again after a long end-of-year break, and ready to rumble--with plenty of the best kind of fast, funny talk about sports, politics, music, news, and new shots from our old friends Goat Boy, Keith Richards, and others--and hey, in case you were worried about it? We've got a few cases of left over champagne, because, don't you know? We're all Natty Light guys. So come and hang with us for a bit--we're glad you made it back!

Mitch reveals the spooky backstage shenanigans at 30 Rockefeller Center and how he helped solve the mystery of the Headless Thompson.Endnotes:Colin Jost, A Very Punchable Face (New York, Penguin/Random House, 2020) p. 231. Capsule Review: Breezy, glass-half full take from guy aware of his advantages, growing up in Staten Island, touching 9/11 mom story and more Harvard Lampoon insight than other FC memoirs. Slack Score: 14.7; Snark Score: 6; Overall FCA rating: 159Tina Fey, Bossypants (New York, Hachette, 2012) p. 145. Capsule Review: Well written, somewhat uneven mix of heartwarming anecdotes, comedic happenstances and career musings. Slack Score: 9.72; Snark Score: 8; Overall FCA ranking: 54 Bob Odenkirk, Comedy Comedy Comedy Drama (New York, Randomhouse, 2022) p. 58. Capsule Review: funny and insightful  tour of multiple points of interest for me, topped by Mr. Show, unconventional, less reverential perspective on Lorne and SNL, fascinating anecdotes on early work with Farley and Conan in Chicago. Slack Score: 12.6; Snark Score 4.5; Overall FCA ranking: 112 A Very Punchable Face, p. 290-301Chris Kattan, Baby, Don't Hurt Me: Stories and Scars from Saturday Night Live (New York, 20) p. 14. Capsule Review: Defensive and whiny, downplays rift with Norm, cringed stories about “dating” 21 y/o Zooey Deschanel, and molesting Charlize Theron and Katie Holmes on live TV. Surprised to learn he was from my neck of the woods (Bainbridge). Slack Score: 11; Snark Score: -2.7; Overall FCA ranking: 443 Jim Bruer, I'm Not High: But I've Got a Lot of Crazy Stories about Life as a Goat Boy, a Dad, and a Spiritual Warrior (New York) p.84. Capsule Review: par for the course SNL memoir. Lots of complaining about how his “talent” was restrained by the producers and lots of grandstanding about the importance of family, etc. Slack Score: 13; Snark Score: 0; Overall FCA ranking: 642Rachel Dratch, Girl Walks Into a Bar...: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle (New York, Gotham Books, 2012) pp45-47. Capsule Review: Kind of a bummer, in keeping with the Debbie Downer character, a lot about her love life, which didn't really start until after SNL, and many disappointments and challenges there, as well as the fizzling out of her career, chronic typecasting, and drift into spiritualism. Slack Score: 6 ; Snark Score: -3.4; Overall FCA ranking: 289Darrell Hammond, God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked (New York, Harper, 2011) p.14, Capsule Review: Exceptionally dysfunctional and depressing, even by FC standards, account of childhood abuse and learning to cope by doing funny voices, including recovered memories (dubious, to my mind) self-cutting and secret alcoholism during SNL tenure. Slack Score: -13.6; Snark Score: -7 ; Overall FCA ranking: 379 Jay Mohr, Gasping For Airtime: Two Years In The Trenches Of Saturday Night Live (New York, 20) p.237 Capsule Review: Hack comic writes hack book. Unbelievable entitlement and complaining. Openly admits to completely ripping off Rick Shapiro, lying to Lorne about it, and then is surprised when his contract isn't renewed. Slack Score: 15; Snark Score: -9; Overall FCA ranking: 633 Tom Shales & James Andrew Miller, Live from New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live (New York, Little, Brown and Company, 2014) p. 531. Most definitive oral history of SNL, with extensive interviews of every significant contributor excepting Eddie Murphy and the deceased. Not technically an FCA, so no rankings given.Ibid, 541

Happy Full House Friday Everyone, Angela Bowen here, the host of Oh Mylanta Holy Chalupas: An Unofficial Full House Fuller House Podcast. Today, in honor of Dave Coulier's Birthday, I covered Full House S6E9: Nice Guys Finish First, which aired on November 24, 1992. In this episode Stonewall Binkley, an old rival of Joey's, humiliates him on his and Jesse's radio program, and challenges him to an upcoming hockey game; Joey's hesitant at first but ultimately decides to have his revenge on Stonewall. This was an enjoyable episode. Joey gets a blast from the past when an old nemesis surprises on air on the Rush Hour Renegades and start ripping into him about an old college hockey game Joey lost. Talk about someone who loves to live in the past, this Brinkley guy. The rivalry is still going strong in Brinkley's eyes as he tells Joey "I look forward to humiliating you all over again at the charity hockey game. When did a charity hockey game turn into a I'm better than you contest? Couldn't stand this guy. Joey does his best to be a good sport and not let himself get riled, but Brinkley pushes him too far and then, it is on! Seeing Jesse on skates was hilarious and also him commentating on the game not knowing anything about hockey. Luckily Becky swoops in to save the day. Also we have the side mini plots of DJ learning freeway driving and Michelle afraid of the tabloid Goat Boy from Norway. Join me next month for the new Series, Joey and the Girls, when I cover Full House: S3E18: Mr. Egghead, which aired on February 16, 1990. In this episode Joey gets a job as a guest host on an educational television show for children, where a prop injures Stephanie. To EMAIL The Podcast GO TO: omhcfhfhpodcast@gmail.com Have a great weekend everyone and I'll be back in October.

Happy Full House Friday Everyone, Angela Bowen here, the host of Oh Mylanta Holy Chalupas: An Unofficial Full House Fuller House Podcast. Today, in honor of Dave Coulier's Birthday, I covered Full House S6E9: Nice Guys Finish First, which aired on November 24, 1992. In this episode Stonewall Binkley, an old rival of Joey's, humiliates him on his and Jesse's radio program, and challenges him to an upcoming hockey game; Joey's hesitant at first but ultimately decides to have his revenge on Stonewall. This was an enjoyable episode. Joey gets a blast from the past when an old nemesis surprises on air on the Rush Hour Renegades and start ripping into him about an old college hockey game Joey lost. Talk about someone who loves to live in the past, this Brinkley guy. The rivalry is still going strong in Brinkley's eyes as he tells Joey "I look forward to humiliating you all over again at the charity hockey game. When did a charity hockey game turn into a I'm better than you contest? Couldn't stand this guy. Joey does his best to be a good sport and not let himself get riled, but Brinkley pushes him too far and then, it is on! Seeing Jesse on skates was hilarious and also him commentating on the game not knowing anything about hockey. Luckily Becky swoops in to save the day. Also we have the side mini plots of DJ learning freeway driving and Michelle afraid of the tabloid Goat Boy from Norway. Join me next month for the new Series, Joey and the Girls, when I cover Full House: S3E18: Mr. Egghead, which aired on February 16, 1990. In this episode Joey gets a job as a guest host on an educational television show for children, where a prop injures Stephanie. To EMAIL The Podcast GO TO: omhcfhfhpodcast@gmail.com Have a great weekend everyone and I'll be back in October.

Happy Full House Friday Everyone, Angela Bowen here, the host of Oh Mylanta Holy Chalupas: An Unofficial Full House Fuller House Podcast. Today, in honor of Dave Coulier's Birthday, I covered Full House S6E9: Nice Guys Finish First, which aired on November 24, 1992. In this episode Stonewall Binkley, an old rival of Joey's, humiliates him on his and Jesse's radio program, and challenges him to an upcoming hockey game; Joey's hesitant at first but ultimately decides to have his revenge on Stonewall. This was an enjoyable episode. Joey gets a blast from the past when an old nemesis surprises on air on the Rush Hour Renegades and start ripping into him about an old college hockey game Joey lost. Talk about someone who loves to live in the past, this Brinkley guy. The rivalry is still going strong in Brinkley's eyes as he tells Joey "I look forward to humiliating you all over again at the charity hockey game. When did a charity hockey game turn into a I'm better than you contest? Couldn't stand this guy. Joey does his best to be a good sport and not let himself get riled, but Brinkley pushes him too far and then, it is on! Seeing Jesse on skates was hilarious and also him commentating on the game not knowing anything about hockey. Luckily Becky swoops in to save the day. Also we have the side mini plots of DJ learning freeway driving and Michelle afraid of the tabloid Goat Boy from Norway. Join me next month for the new Series, Joey and the Girls, when I cover Full House: S3E18: Mr. Egghead, which aired on February 16, 1990. In this episode Joey gets a job as a guest host on an educational television show for children, where a prop injures Stephanie. To EMAIL The Podcast GO TO: omhcfhfhpodcast@gmail.com Have a great weekend everyone and I'll be back in October.

This week, the table is crashed by none other than Chef Jonathan Zaragoza, the intrepid Goatboy of Birrieria Zaragoza. He walks us through the process of making birria (turns out it's good to start with a goat that's no longer alive), kitchen mishaps, and his family's less-than-legal culinary origin story. Listen to hear tips about the best Mexican spots in and around Chicago, the importance of under-promising and overdelivering, and so much more.

SKATCAST with the Script Keeper presents:The Dipsh*t Files #19 with Mr. and Mrs. Script Keeper!Today's Dipshit:This week Mr. and Mrs. Script Keeper look at the many urban legends of Helltown, Ohio, a place that was actually royally F'd in the A by the government a few times and it may have led to sightings of...Goat Boy. Maybe not. Who knows really? This episode covers things ranging from government experimentation, paranormal shit, a baby yeeting bridge, Satanic cults, cryptids and some pretty straight up government corruption. Plus there's a fresh basket of over 20 mini Skit-Skats to consume along the way.Visit us for more episodes of SKATCAST and other shows like SKATCAST presents The Dave & Angus Show plus BONUS material at https://www.skatcast.com Watch select shows and shorts on YouTube: bit.ly/34kxCneJoin the conversation on Discord! https://discord.gg/YmDG4gF8agFor all show related questions: info@skatcast.comPlease rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow SKATCAST on social media!! Instagram: @theescriptkeeper Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/scriptkeepersATWanna become a Patron? Click here: https://www.patreon.com/SkatcastSign up through Patreon and you'll get Exclusive Content, Behind The Scenes video, special downloads and more! Prefer to make a donation instead? You can do that through our PayPal: https://paypal.me/skatcastpodcast Get bonus content on Patreon Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

navy pronouns, goatboy and where are the lawyers? Culture is the way of life, especially the general customs and beliefs, of a particular group of people at a particular time. We are a entertainment show that should never be taken seriously. Welcome back! Thanks for listening. Tell others about the show and leave a review! Good Times Culture Podcast is recorded on the west coast of California in the US. We talk about current events and give opinion with occasional value. We don't edit the show...beware listen at your own risk. OG Muttdog and Hollywood. Intro YouTube clip: None Intro music: Samson - 46 = 13 EMAIL: goodtimespodcast805@gmail.com DISCORD CHANNEL: goodtimes culture podcast $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ DONATE if you found any value in the show! Coinbase: BITCOIN address: 3HfaPqGWrRN7zaZa8D1pzbogbzqyiKqdRe ETHER address: 0x9B57283DfdFca5B71eCb8959071e7F08c2cC9437

A family that eats animal food has magical powers and defeats the butcher --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/brandon-koplin/support

our campus season continues with the most abstract interpretation of a campus yet in giles goat-boy by john barth, which is joey's least favorite book he's ever read. we talk about the post-modern structure of the narrative, wonder what it's satirizing, and try to parse the meaning of its metaphors. we also talk about how bob totally goofed on the scheduling of this book in our season, the literal process of getting through harder literature, and what "passed" and "flunked" really mean. bob has an idea for tattoos for us to get. we find silver linings in giles goat-boy. bob spoils speed racer. we unveil our new year's resolutions. reading list for season two the bell jar by sylvia plath, 11/4 prep by curtis sittenfeld, 11/18 the art of fielding by chad harbach, 12/2 nickel boys by colson whitehead, 12/16 the virgins by pamela erens, 12/30 my education by susan choi, 1/13 giles goat-boy by john barth, 1/27 end zone by don delillo, 2/10 loner by teddy wayne, 2/24 the secret history by donna tartt, 3/10 sweet days of discipline by fleur jaeggy, 3/24 college novel by blake middleton, 4/7 real life by brandon taylor, 4/21 the instructions by adam levin, 5/5 the idiot by elif batuman, 5/19

The art of Lee Hartnup aka Goatboy - makes The Jaws Obsession look good. Does a Great White Shark make noise? Deep dive into Peter Benchley's observations on the topic and how did the movie Jaws handle the noises of a Great White in 1975 compared to the new 7.1 DTS design of the re-issue. JawsOB.com Show notes and links: https://t.me/jawsob Music: Opening Theme to Jaws Obsession by Karl Casey https://karlcasey.bandcamp.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/WhiteBatAudio/ https://whitebataudio.com Closing Song Jammin on the Orca by Dapper Dog https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HvhDJtHxxo

Comedian Blake Hammond joins the show to talk about Randy Pan the Goat Boy himself, legendary Texas stand up Bill Hicks. Get extra "After Dark" episodes and more at: patreon.com/artofdarkpod twitter.com/bigradmachine twitter.com/artofdarkpod twitter.com/bradkelly twitter.com/kevinkautzman  

Bennington alumni spanning four generations come together to share first person paranormal experiences and encounters they had on the small campus in Southern Vermont. As the stories unfold, striking parallels are drawn that prompt deep questions about space, who owns it, and who is not welcome to occupy it.Alex Pintair:When we first got to Bennington, it seemed like there was a bit of an indoctrination that would happen between the upperclassmen and the new kids where they would sort of say, all right, so this is where you are now. This is our space, you know, there's a ghost in Jennings and there's catacombs under VAPA.And there's all this stuff happening around here and, you know, welcome.Kate:Oh, well. It's crazy here because it's the place where the Four Winds meet.Melinda Castriatta Avellino:The end of the world was the Native American burial ground where the Four Winds met. They buried Native Americans that had mental issues that where the Four Winds met that was sort of like the story that went around.Kate:Oh, you know, when you're a first-year student there and you start hearing these stories, you're like, oh, well, that makes sense.Maddy Wood:But I have heard about the Four Winds. It was one of those things where I heard about it so much that I could swear that I was like experiencing it once when it was like standing in the middle of the lawn when it was really windy freshman year. I definitely believed that.Kate:And the place where the Four Winds meet, of course, we have this collective insanity, this collective mood that strikes us.Lisa Sciandra:But that may have just been a story people told to make it seem scarier.Raven:Yeah. I'd be interested to know actually the whole history of what happened. The Native Americans in that area, I mean, was Bennington really built on top of a burial ground? Is that real or is that just like white people, like, you know, making stories? Luz Fleming:Yeah, I always assumed those were campfire stories and I wasn't able to dig up much credible information one way or another on that one.I've recently been in touch with Vermont folklorist and Bennington alum, Andy Kolovos, and he wrote, “It is very much a white colonial kind of narrative. One that combines things like guilt with romanticism to generate a narrative that explains why things happen to white people. So I have not done any real inquiry into those stories about Bennington College. I treat them more like Bennington College, folklore tradition, rather than anything tied to the history of the land, or even the broader folklore of Vermont. This is not to invalidate the notion of an insular folklore among students at the college. That's real and cool.”Okay. So it may or may not be true, but there is absolutely no question that the Bennington campus possesses some extremely intense energy and I'm not here to prove or disprove any of the lore.I just want to hear people's firsthand experiences, and so let's hear from someone who swears he saw a being named Goat Boy, who has always been associated with the Four Winds and the Native American burial ground.Alex Pintair:My name's Alex Pintair. I started at Bennington in 1992. The first time I saw Goat Boy was probably mid September. And there was some sort of a party. It might have actually have been a birthday party for me. I think my mom sent down a cake or something and we're all hanging out. And at some point a friend of mine and I just decided to step outside, get some air. We had walked towards the center green and we were just sort of talking and kind of walking slowly along and then we were just standing there. And it was one of those fall nights where it was cloudy and a little bit chilly and there was, breeze, there was always breezes going through there. And as we're standing there, it almost seemed like if you can imagine fog that just sort of gets a little bit more solid.And over across the green up against one of the other dorms, it was almost like a patch of fog started to coalesce and get a little bit more solid. As it happened I nudge my friend and was like, “Are you seeing that?” And he thought he could, but he wasn't sure. And my dad had taught me when I was a kid that when it's nighttime and it's dark out, you can always see things better if you look just to the side of them.Something about the rods and cones in your eyes, get tired during the day, so at night, your peripheral vision can be a little stronger. And so I told my friend to do that and then he could see it. And as we're kind of watching this thing it sort of slowly sort of forms that were looking at this skinny pale white body of what you would think of as a ten-year-old boy, essentially.And then the head was the skull of a goat. These big black cavernous eyes, you know, this pale skinny boy body, it was kind of hopping from one foot to the other back and forth, but in a way where it was so slow, it like stayed up in the air longer than would be humanly possible.And he had something, holding something in each hand sort of stick shape, but I don't, I don't know what it was. And we stood there and just watched this happening for a minute or so, and in shock and silence. And then I remember I said something like, “Are you seeing this?” And he's like, “Yeah!” And then I broke eye contact essentially, when we looked back it was gone.So, of course, you know, we start walking across the green to like, see what's going on and we get closer and closer to it. There's nothing there. And we're just standing there sort of in the center of the green and looking around. And then I see something moving down at the edge of the green down where the edge of the world is there.And it's, it's the same thing. It's like this fog just becomes a little bit more dense and suddenly there he was, and he's just slowly dancing back and forth. And my friend sees it as well. And we start walking again, down the green now towards the edge of the world and the closer we get, it just goes away and it's not like I saw it disappear.It's just like, maybe I looked away, maybe I blinked. I don't know, it was just gone. So then we get to the edge of the world. And if you remember that there was like a little Stonewall and it stopped being flat and it dipped down downhill and there was these fields and over on the left was this grove of pine trees.And again, same thing and there is, and these sort of slowly dancing back and forth. And that's when I kind of got shivers. It had seemed all almost exciting when we had seen them the first time. And then the thought crossed my mind, you know, it's, it's leading us somewhere and I don't think I want to go where it's leading us.Right where he was dancing down by those pine trees there's actually an old graveyard down there. So I was like, “Yeah, we should, we got to stop. We're not going down there.” And he's like, “Yeah, I agree.” And we went back, you know, back to the party. And we're a little bit freaked out. And I remember talking to, I think his name was Jason, who was the upperclassmen, and we told them what we saw and he's like, oh, you saw Goat Boy.And we're like, “What is up with that?” And he said, “Well, the story goes that back when this was when the land that Bennington College now sat on was Native American land, they said that the Four Winds met right in the commons area. And they said that because of that, the land was cursed. And so whenever there was someone in the tribe who, you know, had gone insane or had killed someone or had done something evil, they would bury them there on the cursed land.”And so apparently Goat Boy was the specter or the ghost of someone that had been buried there.

No, you have to call me Goat Boy. Follow us on Twitter: @JackBillingsPod @MyNeighborMich1 Email us: JackBillingsOfficial@Gmail.com Theme song by Kyle Check of the band Devil's Advocate, check them out: Facebook.com/DevilsAdvocateMetal Check out our other podcasts: No Time to Binge, Generation Clash, I Love This Terrible Game, Reel Boys, Quick Cuts Sounds By Zapsplat.com

Our first episode of a special series where we sit down with well-known chaos players for a fireside chat.

With Theo missing, Chris Distefano takes the Rat King's seat. The guys talk Chris having dinner with Tim Dillon and losing his wallet, Theo's transition into Goat Boy, Brendan almost getting into a street fight with Julian Edelman, farting relationship advice, Dave Portnoy's sex tape, Walmart vs Target and much more! Get your King and the Sting merch at katsmerch.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

With Theo missing, Chris Distefano takes the Rat King's seat. The guys talk Chris having dinner with Tim Dillon and losing his wallet, Theo's transition into Goat Boy, Brendan almost getting into a street fight with Julian Edelman, farting relationship advice, Dave Portnoy's sex tape, Walmart vs Target and much more! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

-Gator and The Goatboy get in another dumb argument: Who is the better actor, Ben Affleck or Matt Damon? -What do you think of relationship tests? Have you tested someone or been tested before? -A women’s family lied to her about the disappearance of her husband -Another woman believed her husband wanted to get back together after being separated, but was met with a surprise -Am I The A-Hole: A woman’s husband moves around for his career a lot, but this time she refuses to move -A man’s wife dies during childbirth and she never wanted her baby to know her side of the family, but family is knocking at the door

This week, we dive head first into a rabbit hole of nostalgia, discuss the nefarious world of celebrity dating, and address the predatory nature of David Dobrik's Vlog Squad. 

Whoo boy--this week's show has got political intrigue, sibling rivalries, LOTS of talk about cars and movies and music! PLUS, visits from our old friends Goat Boy, Tommy Carbone, and the Devil himself. So grab yourself a Natty Light and sit a spell with the Wolfe Pack, partner--we're glad you stopped by!

Preaching from Exodus 4, what's more important- the messenger or the message? This sermon was preached at Bethesda Presbyterian Church on January 31, 2021.

We sat down with one of the fiercest competitors in professional surfing, Jim "Goat Boy" Hogan!

-The crew talks about alien lifeforms and Nic Cage. -The Goatboy may be the most unmanly guy there is, but Gator likes makeup tutorials, so there is competition. -A brother in law confesses his love for his brother’s wife; yikes. -A couple go on vacation but one becomes very ill, is it cool for the other to stay on vacation instead of going back home with his partner? -Is it ruining an ex’s career, or just karma for the A-Hole? -And a dirty mouthed drunk kindergarten teacher.

-The crew goes through the would you rather know when, where, or how you die? -Gator wants to be a worker man when he grows up while Rose and The Goatboy want to be vampires. -Do you tell your significant other if a coworker confesses their feelings for you? -A women’s job is shrouded in mystery driving Gator crazy. -Dude makes an A-Hole bet and then tries to get out of it. -Grandma doesn’t want to babysit but has to bail out grandpa anyway.

The Goatboy rips on carnies, Gator gets pukey on the spinny strawberry rides, and the cast discusses carnival foods. Gator doesn’t believe in good china and Rose reheats her spaghetti on the stove. Moving on from a friend who has done something terrible. Your boyfriends dangerous hobby. Am I the A-hole uppity wedding couple, Matt ruined board game night, and a well intended but poorly planned proposal.

Paul and Thomas chat about the hobby and play-testing for the new meta – whatever that is?  This episode has a real sit and chat feel that I hope you … Read More

Paul and Thomas chat about the hobby and play-testing for the new meta – whatever that is?  This episode has a real sit and chat feel that I hope you … Read More

Award-winning comedian Harriet Braine steps up to the Loremen plate and tries to convince us that Surbiton is an interesting place, actually. We meet modern folk legends in the form of a goat-headed cheesemaker, a dead giant and the world's oldest paper boy. However, we do end up talking about the train station a lot. Such is the overwhelming blandness of Surbiton: "The city suburb that always sleeps". @loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod @JamesShakeshaft | @MisterABK | @HarrietBraine 

Hey everyone! Time for another episode of TFG Radio. This episode Adam and John are joined by Thomas "Goatboy" Reidy from Bell of Lost Souls. They discuss the rumors of the new ITC missions, what some of the possible changes are, the different ideas we go through, the BoLS Open, and much more! We even have a new intro song so give it a listen! Intro song The Crimson King - Instrumental by The Contradiction Sponsors Hammerhead Games – https://www.hammerheadgames.net/ Don’t forget to support us on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/tfgradio/ The Warmaster Series http://www.tfgradio.com/the-warmaster-series/

What happens when you take one of the most iconic Indie movies of all time, Remove everything about it that made it great, and add a Laugh Track, the future "Felicity" and "Goatboy"? You get a story that's a little over 37 Minutes to tell. CAUTION: More Explicit Language/content than we normally allow.

Welcome to our bold predictions for 2020 show. We make preditions for both AEW and WWE. Plus we drink Goat Boy from Southern Tier Brewing Company. 

Here is a bonus episode. In this episode Adam talks with Thomas "Goatboy" ReidyIII. They talk about his entry into 40K, the years he has been playing, and current state of the game. they then discuss, the new Bell of Lost Souls Prime program, the BoLS Open, and more! BoLS Open - https://bolsopen.com/ Sponsors Hammerhead Games – https://www.hammerheadgames.net/ Don’t forget to support us on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/tfgradio/

Jim Breuer joins the guys and talks being a cast member on SNL and why he left, performing with Metallica, AC/DC and Billy Joel, working with Tom Hanks, Dave Chappelle, Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci, mysterious disappearance of Goat Boy and more. Also, stories of bombing on stage after Dave Attell, Bryan's story of witnessing Jim handling a bad heckler and much, much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jim Breuer joins the guys and talks being a cast member on SNL and why he left, performing with Metallica, AC/DC and Billy Joel, working with Tom Hanks, Dave Chappelle, Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci, mysterious disappearance of Goat Boy and more. Also, stories of bombing on stage after Dave Attell, Bryan's story of witnessing Jim handling a bad heckler and much, much more!

On Episode 17 & the Season Finale of Haunted AF, Rebekah & Julie discuss the human remains recently found at the haunted Crescent Hotel and a ghost that visited a Granbury landmark this past weekend. They also hear about various Goat Men from Haunted Plano author Mary Jacobs and some potentially possessed McKinney homes from a Texpart Paranormal investigator! Remember to send your ghost stories to hauntedafpodcast@gmail.com & include your number in case Rebekah & Julie want to have YOU on Season 2 of Haunted AF!

This week the guys are joined by Stef and Grant of local Perth band, The Goatboy This weeks topics include coming up with a band name, The new Goatboy EP, Dave Grohl & disposable cameras, Pop music biopics, Jeremy Kyle, Gods of Rap Tour, and much more. Including Braw Or Naw and Watching/Listening This Week You can now support the show on Patreon and gain access to exclusive weekly content, prizes, and shoutout every week on the show: https://www.patreon.com/MonkeySwordFight If you wouldn’t mind subscribing to the show on iTunes, it helps the show out a lot and would be greatly appreciated.  You can do that here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/monkey-sword-fight/id1346837791?mt=2  Follow us here on podbean: https://monkeyswordfight.podbean.com/  Don’t forget, the guys are always looking for your feedback and suggestions, so feel free to get in touch at: monkeyswordfightpodcast@gmail.com You can contact the guys on facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/MonkeySwordFightPodcast/ Or on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/MSF_podcast SOCIAL MEDIA: www.twitter.com/Wagjuanpatrice  www.twitter.com/_MDotts www.twitter.com/macapella https://www.facebook.com/thegoatboy182/   Hosts: Jordan Patrick & Mike Dotts Guest: Stef Bednarek & Grant Pettigrew Producer: Andy Macfarlane   TIMECODE 00:00:00 - Intro & Words With Dotts 00:02:17 - Sponsor Shoutout (Stevie Macs Skate School) 00:02:26 - Patreon Sponsor Shoutout 00:04:43 - Chat with Stef & Grant from The Goatboy 00:44:33 - Braw Or Naw (Incl; Weird names, Work, Red-top milk, Old-Firm fans who don’t aren’t from Perth, Jeremy Kyle, and much more) 01:09:53 - Watching/Listening This Week (Incl; Line of Duty, Wu-Tang Clan, Still Game, Open Goal Podcast, Styles P, and much more) 01:22:00 - Patreon Sponsor Shoutout 01:23:16 - Sponsor Shoutout (Stevie Macs Skate School)

On this week's episode, the return of Goat Boy! Plus, Prekay has an outlandish edition of BWLO, Rush explains how a genius like Donald J. Trump can responsibly lose $100 Billion, we break down the fiasco that was this year's Kentucky Derby, and much more!

Episode 18 includes truest crimes involving a Speedo, an ad for a secretary, and a very unlucky burglar.

Comic/actor, Jim Breuer stops by our Westwood One Podcast Studio to sit down for an amazingly intimate conversation with Gregg Hughes. They talk about their 25 year history, marriage, family, kids, health, podcasting, work, and you'll even find a lot of great wisdom or advice that'll help get you through tough times in your life. It's a heartfelt get together between friends... that'll leave you laughing out loud! Thanks to our sponsor! https://www.bluechew.com Here are some links to Jim Breuer! https://officialjimbreuer.com https://twitter.com/JimBreuer https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-jim-breuer-podcast/id1026284774?mt=2 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Goatboy! Operaman! Norm McDonald on Weekend Update! Enjoy these 20 questions about Saturday Night Live in the 90s picked from the at home SNL board game that came out about ten years ago. Study up on fake commercials! This is our 50th ep since going daily, too! THE FIRST TRIVIA QUESTION STARTS AT 02:35. Theme song by www.soundcloud.com/Frawsty http://TriviaWithBudds.com http://Facebook.com/TriviaWithBudds http://Twitter.com/ryanbudds http://Instagram.com/ryanbudds Book a party, corporate event, or fundraiser anytime by emailing ryanbudds@gmail.com or use the contact form here: https://www.triviawithbudds.com/contact SUPPORT THE SHOW! New PATREON page is up at: www.Patreon.com/TriviaWithBudds Send me your questions and I'll read them/answer them on the show. Also send me any topics you'd like me to cover on future episodes, anytime! Cheers.  SPECIAL THANKS TO ALL MY PATREON SUBSCRIBERS INCLUDING: Kerry Moore, Manny Majarian, Alexis Eck, Earl Clark, Alex DeSmet, Sarah McKavetz, Simon Time, Jess Whitener, Jen Wojnar, Kyle Bonnin, Douglas French, Erika Cooper, Feana Nevel, Scott Budds (The Scorpion), Brenda Martinez, and Casey Becker!  

Katie talks about visiting the closing Babies R Us, her son's birthday party and how little boys eat everything they see.

Matt & Brendan get a little feedback via the (323)-Fry-Daddy line and feel their way into this week’s show with a little help from Goat Boy’s finest movie. Camp out on an air mattress & use a fake ID as M&B beg the question: Who’s coming with them?

We lost She'Kan along the way, Goat boy gave the ultimate sacrifice for our quest, We lick our wounds and come into contact with another mystery magic user. So much for one day. Oh, and She'Kan gets some revenge on Rashandella. A Quest for Magic and Steele is our Dungeons and Dragons podcast show brought … Continue reading "RIP Goat Boy -S1E16"

Jim Breuer does a great Rob Halford, went on African safari with Metallica's James Hetfield and his family, hung out with Kevin Spacey after SNL, made Lorne Michaels belly-laugh the first time he ever did Goat Boy, and flew to Florida to have AC/DC's Brian Johnson sing on Jim's new metal album, "Songs From The Garage." The stories are hilarious. The impressions are even better. And the debate about Priest vs Maiden rages on. Plus, Y2J drops an in-your-face hint about the upcoming BIGGEST PODCAST OF ALL TIME!

It’s boys night on the podcast this week as Al, Ed & JP discuss the manly things in their lives; cheesecake, decoupage, Dirty Dancing, wedding proposals and more!

Jim Breuer! Goat Boy himself speaks with Daniel about getting his comedy start in FL, becoming a suburbanite, and branching out into writing, filmmaking, and his upcoming heavy metal comedy album. Plus catch up with Daniel’s new projects as he turns 29.

In this episode the gang is once again joined by Nick as they talk about one of the greatest TV shows in TV history... SNL.  Also one of the guys shares a deep, dark secrete... Enjoy

Our most Wentastic Fiftieth Episode stars Patrick Wensink, yes that Patrick Wensink (Broken Piano for President, Sex Dungeon for Sale!), and special guest Megan. It was recorded at Cheesie's Pub & Grub in Chicago, IL in August 2012.

First and foremost, AdeptiCon is a celebration of the hobby; a social gathering that brings together people from all aspects of the wargaming spectrum. This week, Mark and Andrew talk with long time AdeptiCon Attendee, artist and BoLS contributor, Thomas Reidy. Thomas discusses his AdeptiCon past, the events he is preparing for and his diabolical plans for AdeptiCon 2012.

www.jerseypilgrim.com

Hey Ho Good Librarians and welcome to Episode #119 of the "Library of the Living Dead Podcast"! Lots of cool stuff in this one as we add two new features. Here's what you get for free: 0:00 - "Zombie" 4:17 - Doc's Intro 5:48 - "Letters From The Dead" by Goatboy (a poem) 11:28 - "Zombie Stomp" - Ozzy 17:41 - Tonia Brown's "Lucky Stiff" - Chapter 2, Part 1 34:15 - "Eye of the Zombie" - John Fogerty 38:47 - Tony Schaab's "G.O.R.E. Score" - "Planet Terror" 44:05 - "Christmas Night of the Living Dead" - MXPX 46:27 - "Kinda Like Fryin' The Hulk" - Ozmosis7 53:33 - "Zombies Comin' To Eat My Brains" - The Dishwashers 55:13 - Cal Miller's "The Zombie's Survival Guide" - Part 1 1;03:26 - "Zombie Shuffle" - Atomic Regulators 1:05:09 - Doc's out comments 1:05:53 - "Rock and Roll Zombie" - Ralph Rebel I hope you enjoy the show. Undead love to y'all, Doc Link to podcast: www.dr-pus.podomatic Link to forum: www.librayofthelivingdead.lefora.com E-mail: lotld@yahoo.com

Just so ya'll know, I've decided to combine both the "Library of the Living Dead" and the "Library of Horror" Podcasts. This, Episode #104 will contain the first three episodes of the "Library of Horror Podcast". If you've already heard them, then skip it. If you haven't, you're in for a helluva treat. A few zombies but mostly all horror. "Horror Night" by T. Virus Uno intro Intro comments by Dr. Pus Movie Rant by Lee on Rob Zombie's "Halloween" "Battle After The Apocalypse" by Casey Quinn from "Wolves of War" Barry Napier's "Abandoned Bridges" from the "Library of Horror Press" release "Debris" "Go To Sleep" by Radiohead "Looking Back" by Unoshato Stephanie Kincaid's "Bad Trade" "Crematorium" by Renfield Dracula intro by THE Dunwoody "Horror Night" by Virus Doc's intro Lee Hartnup (Goatboy) - "Ignorance is Bliss" "Wolves of War" review by Sonar4 "Dream Girl" by Tonia Brown "Sweet Dreams" - Marilyn Manson MAXIMUM PIMPAGE for Jonathan Moon's "HEINOUS" "Invisible Bugs" by DEATHMOBILE "Voice" by THE Dunwoody, read by Tonia Brown Out comments by Dr. Pus Out song "Library Whore" by Goatboy "Horror Night" by T-Virus Doc's intro "Horror Story" by The Dishwashers "Snapshot" by Scott A. Johnson "Sweet Tooth" by Tonia Brown "Horror Hotel" by Use To Abuse "The Blood Shed" by William Todd Rose "Horror Film Chicks" by Witches in Bikinis Out comments by Dr. Pus "Horror Movies (1961)" by Dickie Goodman I hope y'all enjoy this over 3 hour episode. Next episode will be the regular “Library of the Living Dead Podcast”. Undead Love, Doc Episode #104 picture by Goatboy. Link to pod cast: www.dr-pus.podomatic.com Link to forum: www.libraryofthelivingdead.lefora.com Link to blog: www.lotld.wordpress.com

Indie Movie Masters Podcast Episode #4 is now up, and it's a special one! This one features Jerry Williams of Goatboy Films, the mastermind behind works such as Zeppo, Misadventures in Outer Space, Soul Robbers, Purvos, and the new Saucer Sex from Beyond.This interview ran a little longer than usual, and the total show is a bit longer at about 45 minutes, but it is definitely entertaining! Leave a comment and let us know what you think of Jerry Williams!(the chant from the crowd begins..."Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!")...Click here to listen to the podcast or download! You can also subscribe to the new podcast series as an RSS feed here: http://feeds.feedburner.com/IndieMovieMastersClick here to get the episode via iTunes!

An evil army is approaching, and a lead character is lamenting the power and flexibility of evil in the world...the monologue draws to a pivotal moment...the actor's voice swells...and..."All we have is Steel!...Wizardry! All we have is defense!"This line, from a character played by the actor Steve Guynn in an upcoming Jerry Williams fantasy film, is just one of many, many examples of the great lines that one encounters in a Jerry Williams film!Jerry Williams is an indie filmmaker extraordinaire. He is a guy who usually has multiple films in various stages of production, and has crafted a style that can only be described as his very own, unique genre. He definitely pushes the envelope with his work, and elicits alot of reactions, ranging from those that love his signature style (count me in this group), to others less inclined, such as a film reviewer that actually called for someone, somewhere to punch Jerry for making the film that the guy was reviewing (true story!).One thing that is indisputable is that you will be hard-pressed to find someone who is more passionate about independent film. You will also be sorely challenged to find someone who is more gracious in the goodwill and support that Jerry regularly extends to other filmmakers of all genres and styles.From cardboard sets and creative uses of his cat (note to Humane Society: the cat has never been harmed and is, in fact, quite spoiled!), to voluptuous actresses leaving little to the imagination, to cult independent film stars such as Debbie Rochon, Conrad Brooks, and Troma's Loyd Kaufman, Jerry's works always have the unexpected and the original. What most people don't realize is that underneath all of the onscreen insanity, Jerry actually injects a serious literary undercurrent, an example of which he discusses in this interview concerning his feature "Misadventures in Space".Jerry is a playright, poet, and prose writer as well, and we wanted to bring a little of that aspect out in this interview, and encourage the reader to look into his excellent poetry collection that is in print, called Mirrors and Portraits.It is my intention that this interview gives the reader a little insight into the craziness, humor, work ethic, committment, talent, dedication, and other characteristics that Jerry possesses. (The genius right alongside the offbeat and insane, so to speak!) You will also hopefully get a sense of his collaborative spirit, as well as get to meet a few of his regular cohorts such as Pat Bowling and Eric Butts.The indie filmmaking world is not an easy one, and Jerry puts his heart and soul into his work. With all the things stacked against the no-budget indie filmmaker, Jerry's progress, success, and prolific filmmaking nature gives inspiration to all of us; the "Steel, Wizardry, and Defense!", if you will, to keep fighting the good fight for independent film.So here it goes! Buckle up, hold on to your seat! Now...Ladies and Gentlemen...the long-awaited IMM interview with Goatboy Films' legendary and controversial director, Jerry Williams!!!-Stephen Zimmer, for Indie Movie Masters, June 25, 2009SZ: We know you are a brilliant, genius filmmaker, but give us a little idea as to your background, education, that kind of thing.JW: I've always been a writer, first and foremost, and I got a masters degree in creative writing from MSU....two things from that time have always influenced my cinema work are my love of hidden messages in writing and my love of the grotesque...Lovecraft, Tolkien, and my personal favorite Clive Barker. In literary criticism, one of the things of Hemingway that struck me was he was very direct in his writing, but if you peered deeper in...there was hidden meanings in such simple direct sentence structures. I like the idea of my films, no matter how simple or silly it appears should have some deeper levels. I had read once that Gene Roddenberry made star trek a vehicle where he could talk about the human condition under the guise of a 'sci fi' show....I wanted to take that idea and apply it to indie or cult cinema, and place hidden messages or motifs in crazy surreal films. Misadventures in Space on one level is a silly send up of the sci fi genre in general and star trek in particular, but it is also a satire of the Iraqi war...when I wrote it...I was constantly watching the cable news shows, and the character Brother Bishop Tucker(Billy W. Blackwell) was named after conservative TV host Tucker Carlson. That biting satire buried in sci fi nonsense interested me...a form of commentary that hopefully some people got when they saw the film.SZ: What got you into movies so passionately, and what type of movies or what movies are your favorites?JW: I got into cinema as an extension of what I was trying to do with my poetry and coffeehouse performances. I have tons of favorite filmmakers...passion about the film is what I respond to....regardless of the genre. I took an art motif of homegrown 'slacker Dada' to my films. I like surreal films, and I love the idea of marrying cartoons, surreal, and junkfood low brow culture into sci fi or horror films. I love older cinema, and since I never had a color TV until I was into my teens, the idea of a black and white film never seemed weird to me... I watched all of the crazy shows from the 70's in black and white. Older movies seemed, to me at least, filled with beautiful women and films that needed plot and characters in them. When I see the CG inspired madness and MTV inspired 'slick shots' in films...I wonder how dated they will look in twenty years. I would rather watch an Ed Wood, Russ Meyer, or Ray Dennis Steckler film anyday over glossed over candy that passes for films these days.....the female lead from 'creature of the Black Lagoon' seems much more beautiful to me than some of these tacky celebrities out of hollywood of late.....Bela Lugosi was Dracula, and Flash Gordan fought Emperor Ming's evil empire give me more enjoyment than most current films.SZ: Do you have some favorite directors? And why are they your favorites?JW: Ed Wood, Clive Barker, Lloyd Kaufman, Ray Dennis Steckler, Kevin Smith and Russ Meyers. Each director had a unique vision of what they were shooting for, and some (Ed Wood, Ray Dennis Steckler) did great with limited or no budgets. I also love my friend Conrad Brooks and his films....definitely worth a look for fans of surreal horror and 'offbeat' films. I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention local filmmakers George Bonilla, Jacob Ennis, Cherokee Hall, Stephen Zimmer, Matt Perry, Daniel Roberts, Mark Poole, Jason Crowe and my favorite Tim Ritter. I did several films with George Bonilla as an AD, and all of his films are surreal horror and worth a look for psychotronic film fans.....I did a nod to him and named several characters after him in Ectovision!Jacob Ennis produced my film Purvos, and I learned a lot...a lot from him on making films...Stash is a 70's slasher horror film much better than anything that Hollywood puts out there...I love Stephen Zimmer's films...his Shadows and Light movie is a fantasy film that really had a unique vision, and I really liked Matt Perry's film murderer. Tim Ritter is still a favorite director of mine, and definitely influenced Purvos.SZ: Do you have a day job? Or do you just sit back and collect royalty checks from the Goatboy films Empire?JW: I'm a working stiff, and fund my films myself which gives me freedom and headaches at the same time. Perhaps one day goatboyfilms will help fuel that run for the whitehouse or Senate. Vote Williams!SZ: How in the world did you come up with the name Goatboy films? What is the story behind the name of your studio?JW:From my friend Chadwell, we were kicking around ideas for a film company name in early 2001. It was Chadwell's nickname in college by a tripped out hippy chick. The name fit what I shooting for, and we kept it. It's not related to that saturday night live skit.SZ: Tell us about Pat Bowling and others in the Goatboy Films empire, as I know you work regularly with a few particular renegades like Pat.JW: I've known Pat from college, and our differences work out for the best. I'm a 'head in the clouds dreamer' sometimes, and Pat is a 'nuts and bolts' guy and that combination helps get projects done. Trust me, Pat is worth his weight in gold when it comes to the UFO film. Pat is also a damn good actor as well, I think he likes production much more... his acting swan song will be in Queen of the Cursed World. Pat is briefly in the medieval thing I'm cooking up...Insomnia and Dragon Witch. He did a fantastic job editing 'The Cursed Doll' which is now with Echelon StudiosSZ:How in the world would you describe a “Jerry William’s Film”? It seems to me you defy classification, but I had to ask, if only to know how best to describe your stuff myself. You perplex me!JW: Live action cartoon energy slacker dada satire comedy horror show....I guess my films move to their own heartbeats....I like the idea of crossing genres...high brow motives with junk food pop culture. I have some notes about doing my version of Alice in Wonderland called at this point 'Alice Caligari'...I like the idea of bringing in older actors since our culture is so youth obsessed, and Lewis Carroll's book lends itself easily to symbolic and freudian intrepretations...I read several biographies and literary criticisms of his creative work, and agree it was his only outlet in a repressed and solitary existence. It's still up in the air at this point.SZ: You have incredible women in your films. How do you convince them to be involved in no-budget projects without shelling out big bucks?JW: Well, my films usually have strong female character roles...most films you have a finite amount of what and who you can play. Slasher films usually have two roles in them...hero or victim, and sci fi films are even more restrictive. My films may be out in left field, but the female characters have power and command respect. I like that the actresses bring something to the table. Leslie Rogers was a fanastic Fiona in Soul Robbers, and Heather Price does a fantastic turn in Ectovision. Stephani Heise and Natasha Roberts who played the lovers in Purvos did great.I wanted Purvos to be a little different. Actors will at least listen to you, if your film isn't the 'slasher-on-the loose' fare, and I don't cut off roles at 24 years old....I find the youth obsessed culture out of tinseltown is shallow to my taste, but of course that's just my opnion.SZ: What is your largest budget to date? What is a typical budget on a Goatboy project? (In US Dollars, Yen, or Euros, you can pick)JW: Zeppo definitely, but I'm not sure about the final budget...that's more with Eric Butts and Moodswing Entertainment. I work with various budgets, but I joke with Pat that some of my films cost a six pack of beer and a song! I will say that at the end of the day, folks won't care about your budget if you engage them and entertain them. I've seen several modest budgeted films and felt great whereas I've seen CGI laden films that cost more than the gross national budget of small Africian countries and though they were slick emotionally dead pieces of eye fluff.SZ: You have a knack for casting, such as using the regal William Schaeffer Tolliver, the insane Steve Guynn, the Bruce Campbell-esque Daniel Roberts, the larger than life Cherokee Hall, etc. How do you approach casting such colorful characters? Do you bribe them?JW: I bribe them with my personality! No seriously, I usually connect with actors and crews working on other films for friends....I met several talented actors on film sets by local filmmakers such as Cherokee Hall, George Bonilla, Daniel Roberts, Jacob Ennis, Eric Butts, and Cineline's Matt Perry ....you find out more about a person working with them in long period of time than someone who wows you in an audition, and are a complete pain in the ass afterward. People who want to work on my films are a pretty passionate group, and I've been very lucky to get actors like Steve Guynn, Jason Crowe, Nathan Day, Billy Blackwell, Roni Jonah, Stepahni Heise, Natasha Roberts, Claude Miles, Kat Carney and others in the regional area. I also got to mention that Chad Hundley is a fanastic comedic actor, and his timing especially with Cherokee Hall reminds me of the old Bowery Boys. If I missed anyone, trust me there are some great actors out there working.SZ: What is it like working with The Bob Cooke?JW: He was awesome in Misadventures, as was Belinda. Bob's passionate about any and all things cinema....there was one line from misadventures that makes me smile...Bob's character says 'Our heroes will come like rain to a parched desert!' Bob did the line, but swore he'd beat me if I sent him another script like that again! People should check out his site www.Kymovie.net, Bob Cooke is like Coca Cola...he's the real thing baby! Belinda is a damn good producer on films like Hellephone, and Monstrosity among others and a passionate actress(she was fantastic in STASH as the sleazy mother).SZ: Give me an idea of your filmography (Yes, I understand that we might need a couple pages worth of space for this one.)JW:Completed films:Mint condition -writer/director (a Clerks type comedy) 18 minutes 2003Manic / Happy Anniversary - producer for Jacob Ennis's shortsPurvos - 72 minutes, writer/director 2004Zeppo - writer/director, feature film 90 minutes (2007)Misadventures in space, feature film 74 minutes (2007) and 53 minutes (2009)Soul Robbers from Outerspace, feature 61 minutes.Major Power and the flying saucer from Mars (and other tales of the hero) compliation 53 minutes (2009)Pirate Candy Sampler, comedy film 49 minutesDinner for two, short 5 minutesPumpkin Joe, short 5 minutesTwin sisters of Desire and Death! (The 'lost' episode of Misadventures in Space) 10 minuteAlien Conspiracy Murders, short 34 minutesIn production:Ecto-vision!, Insomnia and the Dragon Witch, Saucer sex from beyond, and the UFO documentary film I'm working with Pat Bowling. I'm also starting an edit of'Queen of the Cursed World', and have several projects in the planning stages.As Assistant director on ZP movies:Edison Death Machine, Monstrosity, and Hellephone.SZ: Speaking of Zeppo, which is arguably your “biggest budget” project to date—what’s going on with it at the moment? Will it ever be released? Rabid fans want to know!!!! (Or will the boxed set version be out before the regular version?)JW: I'm dating myself with this admission, but when I was a kid in the late 70's there was live action TV shows like Shazam!, Isis, and Jason of Star Command. Zeppo was a homage of sorts to that crazy saturday morning craziness crossed with a surreal midnight movie like Liquid Sky and Looney Tunes cartoons. Zeppo in a nut shell is a black and white cartoony sci fi adventure with non pc humor, naked zombies, cruel sexy aliens, and cardboard tombstones! Eric brought a lot his humor, and production skills for the film (not only did he edit and produce the film, but supervised the music and special efx shots for the film). We're currently shopping the film out to distributors, so hopefully folks will get to see it soon. Debbie Rochon was fanasttic in it, and Lloyd Kaufman still cracks me up...editing Lloyd was the hardest thing since he brings so much to the table...I'd love for Lloyd to do more serious dramatic roles...the local actors Stacey Gillespie, Elysse, Amanda Kaye, Casey Miracle, etc. did a fanastic job under some crazy shoots, and I have to say we had great production help from Casey Miracle, William Schaeffer Tolliver, and makeup was done by Julia Caudill.If Eric and I were the heads of Zeppo, Eric's mom, Patsy Butts, who helped produced the film and was its biggest booster was the heart of it. Sadly she passed away last year, but her legacy lives on in the film.(Movie Trailer for Zeppo)SZ: Will there be a sequel to Zeppo? And will the sequel be released before the original?JW: Never say never, but for me it would depend on how the first film fares out with the folks out there.SZ: How do you pull off working on multiple film projects at the same time? Are you simply crazy? Or is there a method to this obvious madness?JW: Part craziness, and part necessity. I shoot fast on my solo films, but it is also cause a lot of the actors are only available for a finite amount of time, so I have to move fast. The shooting multiple films at the same time is a nod to Roger Corman's methods. He would shoot a scene for a movie for AIP, then he would move the props about and change costumes to shoot a scenefor his own film which he would sell to AIP or to other film distributors. Pure genius, but maddening at the same time.SZ: Loyd Kaufman, Conrad Brooks , Debbie Rochon…what is it like working with cult figures that you have been a fan of yourself? How in the world do you keep Loyd contained and under control on the set?JW: I worked with Conrad on my horror film Purvos, and he and I are good friends. I love classic cinema, and movie serials of Conrad's youth so we talk about his films, and his experiences. A nice man, but pretty set in his convinctions which I understand and emulate myself. I always look forward to working with Conrad on any film...a good actor, he brings a lot to the table. He's an older actor and still working...check out his Jan-Gel films. Expect more film madness from Conrad in the future. I loved working with Debbie Rochon. A beautiful and talented lady, she was fantastic to work with on Zeppo...committed to the script, and worked her butt off on it...an artistic lady with a huge heart, and I can see why guys (and gals) fall for her like a ton of bricks. Whenever I think of Debbie, I imagine she is taking her ten minutes free from Fangoria radio and production work to paint on canvas...an earth elemental, timeless and beautiful like the moonlight in June.Lloyd is great actor, and very committed to cinema on all levels. I was very nervous meeting him. His toxic Avenger films are a part of my youth, so it was great and surreal to work with him. Like Debbie, a committed actor who busted his butt on the film. He really is a genius of indie cinema, and his books on making films should be taught in schools. Even if you don't 'get' the Troma films, it does my heart good that they can be out there. I think Lloyd can say more in a 90 minute film about the current state of affairs and the universal prejudices we have in say Poultrygeist than hours upon hours of PBS programming. I think Troma and Lloyd are the best parts of Americana like the hot dog and baseball, which is why I think people respond it worldwide. If you're into films, do yourself a favor and pick up his books and see that there is a method to the madness. I kept Lloyd contained by a harem of nubile women who fed him grapes and fanned him in between scenes....just kidding...he was a pleasure to work with, although I'm sure he wouldn't have protested that grape feeding scenario.SZ: I happen to own a poetry book by you, called Mirrors and Portraits, which not many people may know about. At the risk of incurring your wrath, I would like to shed a little light on this side of you. Talk about the poetry book and any other literary projects you might have coming out?JW: In college, I hung out with the literary crowd and loved writing poetry. I also got over my shyness by reading poetry at coffehouses, although I preferred doing it at places you wouldn't think about poetry.In Morehead, it was the local bar called Spanky's....you'd get these high and drunk professors, along with bikers and rednecks playing music and reading their poetry. A rough hole in the wall, but it was fun and definitely a place of my youth. In Lexington, it was High on Rose....unfortunately these places don't exist anymore...I guess I'm more Charles Bukowski 'live life fully dammit' than hanging out at staid coffeshops talking about writing. I had written poetry from that time period, and finally got a book of verse together called Mirrors and Portraits. In a sense it a portrait of me as an angry young guy who loved everything to the fullest. It's like the first time you finally 'hear' Mozart and it moves in your heart...same thing with literature and poetry with me. Passion fuels literature, and hopefully if people see the book, and see me...flaws and all. I'm working on a new book of poetry. I love writing verse, and never want that to leave my heart or my life. I try to put poetry and some poetic ideas in my scripts as well.SZ: On that note, rumor has it that you might be developing something theater related? Is there any truth to this rumor?JW: I wrote the Halloween murder myster play, Green Ghost of the Tracks, for Kathy Hobb's theater company, Fantastical theatricals, and it was great to see a play of mine on stage. Theater is the ultimate high wire act. I have a couple of plays written together, that may or may not hit the stage. A lot of folks don't realize that I was actually more interested in forming a theater company to stage my work at the beginning, but went with films instead. I would still love to make a theater company, so maybe one day down the road when the stars are in place, it may happen. I would also like folks to check out Kathy and her wonderful Fantastical Theatricals, a wonderful experience for me as a writer.SZ: Where can people find and buy some Jerry Williams movies?JW: Purvos is available at Brain Damage films. Major Power and the Flying Saucer from Mars DVD is available at indieflix. Misadventures in space the original version is on google video and hungry flix. That film has a tight new edit, and should be in a DVD package soon with mint condition. I have a comedy film, Pirate Candy Sampler, which is a comedy in the style of 'Amazon Women on the moon' on google video as well. The Cursed doll is now with Echelon Studios, so it should be out soon. You can also see Purvos on netflix and get it off Amazaon.com. My book of poetry is also available on Amazon and other book seller sites.Links to buy Purvos, Major Power, and Mirrors and Portraits.Purvoshttp://www.amazon.com/Purvos-Conrad-Brooks/dp/B0012OTVCGPurvos on netflixhttp://www.netflix.com/Movie/Purvos/70093406?&mqso=70002140&trkid=129129Major Powerhttp://www.indieflix.com/Films/MajorPowerandtheFlyingSaucerfromMarsMirrors and Portraitshttp://www.amazon.com/Mirrors-Portraits-Jerry-Williams/dp/1413765807/ref=cm_cr-mr-titleMisadventures in space (original cut on google video)http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=895029670631039342&ei=qiE_SpqxA4WkqwLPruTKAQ&q=misadventures+in+spacePirate Candy Samplerhttp://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7192095349227927623&ei=5CU_SoasK5HwrgK-lIHLAQ&q=pirate+candy+samplerSZ: Will your cat be appearing in future projects, and will there be any parts available for other people’s cats, such as mine? Your cat’s performance was awesome as the Wizard Merlin in Major Power, and in the heavy-duty SFX sequence in the engine room in Misadventures in Space!JW: I actually jotted down an idea for 'Major Power and the Ghost train!', so if Major Power shows up...I think the Wizard would confer with the great wizards of yore...you always got to look out for ...evil ectoplasm!