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How do we practice poly responsibly during a pandemic? Is it OK to move my metamour in with me rather than not see her for the duration of enforced social isolation? 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com Found a new poly podcast, Pod Pod Cvlt Cast, with 34 long episodes! We’ve got a new puppy to keep us company during #stayathome! 3:00 Poly in the news Elisabeth Sheff’s four-part series on monogamy in Psychology Today: CNM is not a good choice as a method to fix a relationship that is broken, Four tips for heteroflexible couples who are considering opening their relationships, Three reasons why consensual non-monogamy will not work for people who are monogamous, and her latest, Monogamy by Orientation. Alan’s Friday Poly in the news roundup, covering primarily the coronavirus pandemic. How coronavirus is impacting polyamorous relationships How a polyamory expert is dating during the coronavirus pandemic What it’s like to isolate with your girlfriend and her other boyfriend Is it irresponsible to date around during a pandemic Minx’s advice Use Zoom or Amazon Chime to host a virtual dance party or cocktail hour to stay connected Use your webcam to see facial expressions Try watching movies “together” over Zoom. Or send dinner to them and Zoom each other to chat during! 10:45 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 11:25 Topic: should we move my metamour in with us while we socially isolate? If you’re considering cohabitation that you wouldn’t have considered due to coronavirus social isolation requirements, some advice: As always, make sure your existing relationships are relatively healthy first. Ask everyone involved what they need to be happy and healthy in a communal space. Consider personal space, alone time, sexual, and physical needs. Discuss how finances will work in terms of rent, groceries, and other bills. Discuss expectations for chores and other responsibilities. Ask your kids how they feel about your metamour moving in. Have the pets been introduced? Is there a danger that they might attack each other? Set up regular check-ins after the move-in. These provide opportunities to bring up what it working well, what isn’t, to express gratitude and appreciations, and to bring up issues before they become bigger. Take a break from news coverage if it increases anxiety or feelings of depression. 17:00 Join the conversation To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. 17: 05 Feedback S from the Boston area calls in to share a personal neologism, “schmeeling.” Phenom calls in to ask how to get her partner to date more and make sure everything is OK. She keeps encouraging him to date, but he’s not getting out as much as her. There is no issue here except that maybe you feel guilty. Deal with your own guilt and stop pressuring him to date! 24:45 Pervy bird throuple Oops! Accidentally skipped this one: Perverted Illinois bald eagle threesome threatens sanctity of marriage. What’s next, hawk orgies? 26:00 Happy poly moment Finding unexpected commonalities with your metamour! 28:45 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to all our PW Playmates! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

What do you do when you have one romantic partner and your partner has none? 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com What were your favorite shows of 2019? 569 Building open relationships with Dr. Liz Powell--March 18--17,397 572 When your partner’s jealousy precludes your polyamory--April 28--14,392 568 A framework for consent--March 3--13,440 576 Will poly help emotionally unavailable partners--July 1--13,019 All-time downloads: 7,261,446 5:15 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 5:40 Topic: Feast or famine: when you have more partners than your partner Oliver is in his first non-mono relationship with S. S had said she wouldn’t date him if he were monogamous, so he gave it a try. Now he is in a relationship with T, and S has decided that “meaningless sex with strangers” aren’t what she wants. Oliver is afraid S will ask him to stop seeing T, since S has no relationship partners. Has anyone of you ever come across a situation where you've been frustrated with non-monogamy? How can you manage a situation where one partner has other partners while the other one doesn't? It’s the people involved, not the relationship style you should question. Relationships don’t have to be equal; they only need to be fair. Your polyamory isn’t contingent upon your partner having a certain number of relationships/partners.  Relationship ruler: is it making you a happier and healthier version of yourself? You can be gay and not dating. You can be poly and only dating one person (like Minx) You get to decide who you date and how you date them. So does she. She doesn’t get to say who you date (although she can certainly establish a boundary that if you date other people, she won’t be with you). 17:05 Join the conversation To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. 17:20 Happy poly moment C writes in to share a happy poly moment about opening her relationship due to a long-distance move, and things went well! 18:50 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to our new PW Playmate, Tom, for his subscription! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Advice from six different therapists, relationship coaches, and body workers on navigating family events as a poly person over the holidays 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com My Thanksgiving Happy Poly Moment 5:25 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 5:45 Topic: Poly for the holidays 6:30 Ruby Bouie Johnson, Brené Brown’s BIG 10:45 Libby Sinback 15:00 Karen McDowell, Anxiety is an asshole course 21:00 Spyce 25:55 Anne More, email annemore@gmail.com, Facebook 28:45 Nolan Lawless, Facebook 32:00 Join the conversation To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. 32:30 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to our new PW Playmate, Tom, for his subscription! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

I have abandonment issues, but I don't know what I need when they come up. How do I ask my partners for what I need? 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com Thanks to the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon! Poly for the Holidays contributions 1:55 Poly in the news November 23 was National Polyamory Day, and other poly holidays Discrimination in poly pregnancies 5:25 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 5:55 Topic: Dealing with abandonment issues Katie has abandonment issues and asks how to better cope with them when poly. She knows she has them but doesn’t know what to ask for when they arise. Knowing and identifying is half the battle. Explain to your partners what you shared with me—how it feels. Ask for their help with comfort might you need in the moment. Do the full analysis when you’re not in the midst of the issue. 17:15 Join the conversation To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. 17:30 Feedback Joe writes in with additional advice to the listener in episode 567 on how to find poly community near you. 20:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to our new PW Playmate, Tom, for his subscription! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

We interview a munch organizer and field audience questions at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarletteen.com We’re at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon! 2:00 Interview with Close In munch organizer Hannah Lessons learned include: poly and kinky people are everywhere it’s important to destigmatize a stigmatized group “Square up; what you want is fine; fuck ‘em all!” 9:00 Poly Weekly live! What advice would you give to solo polys? net Off the Relationship Escalator 12:45 How to come out to folks who aren’t familiar with poly? Anticipate questions, be prepared, be calm, don’t take it personally, give them a year to freak out Folks will match your tone, so adopt one of calm, easy compassion 16:00 How has poly changed in the last 14 years? 17:45 And now there are terms for everything! my Poly Living keynote How Polyamory Became More Mainstream Than Peanut Butter all the poly recommended reading 19:05 How do I bring up the birth control discussion? Be brave and bring it up. Or leave a birth control pamphlet in the toilet for leisure reading! J Use regular relationship check ins as a space to bring up any issues 22:15 What is your take on hierarchies? If it works for everyone involved and it’s transparent, fine. But it doesn’t work for everyone (or me). The challenge with hierarchies is that it sets up a permission model. Be aware if you are talking about power structure or entanglement levels? If the latter, “nesting partner” might be more useful than “primary.” 26:15 My mom thinks my polyamory is a phase. Do you know folks who have lived out their lives as poly? Allena Gabosch, Oberon Zell-Ravenhart, and many others. Just as with child-rearing, having an extended network to help you in your old age is valuable. 31:15 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 32:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

After four years, listener Newseeker is tired of asking her husband's permission every time she wants to go on a date with her partner of three years. How long should she accommodate his slow pace? 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarletteen.com We have new FAQs! The Discuss, distract, do exercise to help deal with event-based jealousy When to come out We’re slowly uploading episodes 1-40 on our LibSyn page to the archives of 2005 4:00 Poly in the news Poly parenting in the news - roundup Show your parents 5:25 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 6:10 I’m tired of the restrictions my husband is putting on me Newseeker (married 10 years, open for four, with a partner of three years) writes in to say she is tired of the objections her husband has to how she practices poly. He’d prefer she have more random sexual partners and not be in another loving relationship. Even though opening the relationship was her idea, it’s taxing on her to constantly have to ask when she can see her partner and wait until the last minute to make plans to accommodate hubby. The permission model doesn’t work for adults, only with kids No one can maintain an unnatural pace indefinitely The Relationship Bill of Rights refers to agency: you have a say in how many partners to have, which ones, and how often you see them. 16:50 Join the conversation To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. 17:05 Happy Poly Moment This week’s HPM is from a gay triad with no one feeling left out! 19:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

A listener is engaged to her fiancée, who just came out as straight. How does she cope with not having sex with her soon-to-be wife? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Content warning and why you can’t find our podcast on Apple Podcasts in India. Let’s celebrate Dixie De la Tour, Bawdy Storytelling, and the Bawdy Storytelling podcast that you can subscribe to on Apple Podcasts. There is also a Facebook group of Bawdy fans that is super fun. 5:30 Poly in the news Couple-centric and non-diverse article in Cascadia claiming Portland is the center of Pacific NW poly 9:45 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 10:45 My fiancée now identifies as straight and doesn’t want sex with me Emily writes in to say that her fiancée recently identified as straight and will no longer have sex with her. She says they are poly, so it doesn’t mean that there won’t be any sex for her, but she is confused. She says she their love is unconditional, so it shouldn’t matter, but what does this mean for their relationship? 20:00 Join the conversation To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. 21:00 Happy Poly Moment This week’s HPM is multinational and tech-assisted! 22:10 Feedback SLT writes in in response to episode 519 on the issue of poly-friendly housing and 23:30 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan, coauthors of For Hire: Operator and the soon-to-be-released For Hire: Audition, talk about why they write a queer poly superhero universe. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Thanks to Anita Wagner for introducing me to the term “petamour” 1:30 Poly in the news Vice has a great new article about poly families and poly parenting 3:05 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 3:35 Interview: Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan on writing inclusive fiction Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan join us to talk about their next soon-to-be-released queer superhero book, For Hire: Audition. You may remember their last interview with us on episode 563 around For Hire: Operator or Kevin’s interview around his book, Love’s Not Color Blind. Harlequin is putting out a queer line of romance novels. Submit using Harlequin’s Romance Includes You mentorship (scroll down the page) runs until October 15, 2019. The Broken Earth Triology by N. K. Jenisin If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann Find Kevin A. Patterson on his website, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Find Alana Phelan on her website, Twitter, or Facebook. For Hire Audition’s IndieGoGo Gail Simone’s Twitter 26:30 Join the conversation To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. 27:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.  

A listener asks what to do when love does feel like a zero sum game; his wife took a lover, and our listener felt like he got even less sex than before. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Intro and host chat Minx recorded an episode of D&D Dads podcast with J.R. Blackwell, but the podcast hasn’t yet launched. Stay tuned! We had fun in Copenhagen! 3:00 Poly in the news Polyamory Works for Them in the New York Times “TV’s Most Interesting Polyamorous Relationship,” says TV Guide about Siren 9:00 When love IS a zero-sum game Listener Micah writes in to ask what to do now that his wife brought up the idea of poly, started dating someone half her age, and is now having much less sex with Micah. If we are painting a rosy, easy picture of poly, we need to change, because the emotional development required for polyamory (or any relationship) takes time and effort. Lusty Guy wonders about the use of the word “affair”—is this a reflection of your jealousy, or do you feel she wasn’t being honest? The issue is likely some preexisting issue in your relationship (perhaps the libido difference, perhaps something else). This sounds like “relationship broken, add more people.” To strengthen your relationship, have an honest conversation with your wife. Stop comparing before and after the metamour and start talking about the behaviors you want to see to feel better in your relationship. And ask for the same of her. 19:00 Happy poly moment A monogamous listener writes in to share a happy not-poly moment about not panicking when her fiancé shared that he was attracted to a colleague, and our listener could accept it without jealousy or drama! 20:45 Feedback Soft Shell Crabby wrote in a follow up after we address her question in episode 574 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour (spoiler: it helped, and they are better now!) Reama says some really nice things about the quality of our content. 23:40 Thank you! Thanks to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Mirjam, Syncione, Quinlan, and Melvin! 24:10 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

A listener asks if her new boyfriend is emotionally unavailable, will poly help? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:10 Poly in the news Unicorn hunting spreads as Vice gets it Four clear glasses frames that say “I haven’t tried polyamory, but I’ve watched Vice documentaries on it” Google Calendar is down, which means you can do anything you want, according to Twitter 7:50 Is poly a solution for emotionally unavailable partners? A listener writes in to ask if polyamory is possible when her partner seems to be currently emotionally unavailable. Our listener  met a guy five months ago, when she was a newly-single mom not looking for commitment. They never talked about what their relationship was, but our listener knew she wanted something casual and honest. Then he planned an all-day romantic date, felt relationshippy, which followed up by not reading her text messages, which led her to feel insecure and question her own behavior. They talked, and he mentioned he didn’t want to replicate a previous codependent relationship, and things were fin for a while. Then polyamory came up in a dinner with friends, and he mentioned it might work if she was his primary, but he wasn’t involved with any others. Good for you for realizing both you and he have boundaries and needs that need to be considered Short answer is no, a relationship can't be healthy if both you and he are more concerned about enforcing boundaries than letting the relationship develop organically This falls into the "relationship broken; add more people" paradigm, which typically does not work out well This is a great opportunity for both of you to negotiate the relationship you each need. Ask for what you want (not to negatively affect your daughter but to still feel appreciated) and listen to what he wants (to have good quality time and lots of space).  Both of you should ask for specific behaviors--what specific things can he do make you feel appreciated? what specific things can you do to make sure he has "space"?  And one last thing--relationship conversations are best in person. Avoid having these discussions over text if at all possible. 15:30 Feedback Laura from episode 588 When to give up on polyamory wrote in to give us a happy update, a year later! 19:30 Happy poly moment Laura ends up her feedback by sharing a generous happy poly moment on the part of her husband A poly newbie in Germany shares a happy poly moment about her partner and metamour providing a bathroom shelf and toothbrush for her! 24:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Celebrating the amazing sex-positive activist Allena Gabosch, who gave us a big scare last week. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com Last week, we nearly lost an amazing sex-positive educator to cancer. Allena Gabosch has pulled through, so this week’s episode is a replay of my 2010 interview with Allena. In Bawdy Storyelling podcast episode 78, Dixie de la Tour shares her feelings about nearly losing Allena Gabosch. 4:30 Interview: Allena Gabosch The lovely and talented Allena Gabosch, director of Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture, shares the origin story of the Center in its current state and her own experiences with polyamory. Recorded in 2010 from Paradise Unbound! 50:25 Poly in the news Modern Family: More Courts Allowing Three Parents of One Child Polyamorous parenting: the surprising benefits of the ultimate modern family 55:30 Thank you! Welcome Camilla to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 56:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

My boyfriend and I transitioned from a don't-ask-don't-tell relationship to full honest, transparent polyamory. Now I want to meet my formerly DADT metamour when she comes to visit him next month. Is that OK? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com We’ll be in Copenhagen next month; let us know what we should do/see! 1:50 Poly in the news Studies showing the best stats on how many people have practiced non-monogamy at some point in their lives. Around 20-21% have practiced consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives; 4% of relationships are open in some way; and 4-5% of the population of the United States was currently involved in a CNM relationship Keep in mind that 5% of the current US population identifies at GLBT, with 8.2% of millennials self-identifying at GLBT 6:10 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour? Soft Shell Crabby writes in to say she’s 43 and her boyfriend is 42, and they’ve been together for four years. They did a don’t-ask-don’t-tell (DADT) style of nonmonogamy for a while, but they ended up becoming so deeply involved that they talked about being more open, honest, and transparent with each other. He confessed that he’d been poly before but had avoided bringing it up to avoid the tough conversations that would inevitably follow. He also has a pre-arranged sexy-time visit set up with a girlfriend who was flying in from New York, and Soft Shell Crabby now wants to meet that metamour. She asks if it’s unreasonable to ask for to meet her formerly DADT metamour, and by the way what should she do about the fact that the metamour is cheating on her husband with SSC’s boyfriend? SSC feels like her boyfriend gets to call all the shots. Everything you feel is reasonable and OK. He isn’t getting to call all the shots. You get to call your shots; your boyfriend gets to call his shot; your metamour gets to call her shots. It’s not a good idea to ask a partner to deliver a message to another partner. Direct communication is better. It IS a good idea to ask for what you want (to meet her), with the understanding that she has the right to say no. Is there something within the power of your partner to give that would alleviate your feelings? Do YOU want a threesome/group sex like he’s having with her? Ask him to arrange it for you! How do you forgive your boyfriend for this unethical behavior? First, focus on your limits, not his behavior. Can you be in a relationship with someone who facilitates cheating? If not, you have the right to leave. Second, the way you “forgive your man for conducting his relationships in an unethical manner” is to exercise understanding of the pattern of behavior (he also hid his desire for poly from you) and to exercise compassion. Third, most people have cheated at some point. Consider exercising more compassion and less judgment. This is a good time to decide what you need at the very minimum in terms of contact from your metamours. You may need a higher or lower level of contact, but this is a good time to explore that and figure out what you need to be happy. 19:15 Happy Poly Moment Johnny shared a moment in which he picked out his girlfriend’s birthday gift with his wife. And his girlfriend’s husband reached out to Johnny as a poly newbie to see if Johnny needed anything for the big birthday get together! 20:30 Feedback Jessica gives feedback on episode 573 about using the term “nerd blackface.” We address two concerns: (1) that by using the term “blackface” to refer to nerds, we devalue the power of the original term, which we agree with and (2) that the term doesn’t apply to The Big Bang Theory, which we disagree with. The latter is based on a large group of people who self-identify as nerds and do find the term applies, and we are not comfortable dismissing the critique of that group of people. 25:25 Thank you! Welcome Camilla to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 25:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

My metamour and I get along great, and I need a roommate. Will it muck things up if I ask them to move in? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:10 Poly in the news Who really practices polyamory? In Rolling Stone Leonard’s mom goes poly on Big Bang Theory 9:55 Topic: Should I live with my metamour? Olipoly writes in about the possibility of living with her metamour; she doesn’t want to live with her partner and gets along with them great. She’s considering asking her metamour to move in to the room that her roommate is moving out of. Don’t ask us; ask them! Ask them all the questions you just asked us and think through the possibilities to discover hard limits. Practice by spending a weekend together. Treat them professionally, like a client you need to keep happy. Get a dishwasher. 16:15 Happy Poly Moment Bunz in Knoxville originally had a negative impression of polyamory. But she and her husband read, talked out it, did exercises, and even started a meetup group in Knoxville! 18:00 Feedback Mike gives feedback on episode 572 about one person not taking responsibility for someone else’s emotions. 23:35 Thank you! Welcome Susan to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 23:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

What do you do when your partner gets so jealous that you feel compelled to give up your boyfriend, while your hubby happily dates away? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:25 Poly in the news Study could explain why people choose to have multiple relationships 3:25 Topic: what do I do when my partner agrees to be poly but gets jealous when I date? Debby writes in to ask what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple. She and her husband are in their 50s, four years into their second marriage, and did the research before opening up 18 months into their relationship. He was into no-strings-attached sex but got very jealous when Debby would date. She finally had to dump her boyfriend (in a poly marriage of 15 years) due to her husband’s inability to cope with his jealousy. She asks what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple. We both think it DID work—he liked the sex, and you loved your boyfriend. The question is, does monogamy work for you? Debby might be confusing behaviors with relationship labels. You’re still having to deal with all the risks and tasks of polyamory—jealousy, scheduling, emotional issues—but you somehow don’t get to date and experience the benefits. What steps did he take to address his jealousy? It was a mistake to stop giving him the opportunity to practicing his jealousy coping mechanisms. There must be a middle ground between “I must live half a life” and “we get a divorce.” Someone else’s emotions require for them to change behaviors, not yours. It’s not for Debby to take responsibility for her husband’s jealousy. His emotions are his and require action from him, not from her. Don’t let your partner’s emotional reactions control your actions. So now it seems that Debby feels forced to give up a perfectly healthy relationship due to her husband’s inability to deal with his jealousy. If they do revert to monogamy, how will she take steps to avoid resentment? 18:15 Feedback Katie gives feedback on scheduling from episode 565—no one with kids has that kind of availability! 21:00 Happy Poly Moment Heather wrote in to share when one of her partner's besties said to her about Heather (who is happily married) today, "can't you two just be together forever? She is so perfect for you!" Good validation! 23:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

On the launch of their new book, Koe Creation shares what it was like growing up in a polyamorous household.  0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com We had fun at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK! 3:00 Poly in the news On the opposite site of the earth, is poly on the rise? Collection of media coverage in NZ over the last few years 5:15 Interview: Koe Creation, author of This Heart Holds Many We talk about Koe’s new book, This Heart Holds Many, and the challenge of writing a semiautobiographical book about growing up in a poly family. Find them online at their website, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram as @koecreate. 23:00 Happy Poly Moment Kim writes in to share TWO happy poly moments about her metamour getting married (One Family Podcast) Olivia writes in to share a Thanksgiving happy poly moment with her asexual partners 26:35 Thank you! Welcome to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Chris and Alisha! 27:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

We chat with Laura Zielinsky, author of a new poly erotic novel 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th #sopoco2019 Soly Poly Unconference is happening in San Francisco, CA May 4-5, 2019 3:30 Interview: Laura Zielinsky, author of We Are Three We interview Laura Zielinksy, author of new poly erotic novel We Three: One and One and One Makes Three. Book summary: Eric and Elena Tanner have been enjoying their lifestyle membership at the Club Caliente for years. Swinging fulfills their desire to meet new people and engage in group sex. When the new bartender, Jess, flirts with them and agrees to play in a threesome, Eric and Elena make plans for a single night of pleasure. All three are satisfied, so Jess is invited to come again. And again. For months Elena, Jess, and Eric meet up for lots of sex, and dinners. There are casual nights in Netflix and chilling. It's heady, addictive and no one wants it to end. However, they all know that's the deal in the lifestyle. Swingers move out of each other's lives all the time. Complication is the enemy. So what happens when they start to fall in love? 18:25 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Sex therapist Dr. Liz Powell rejoins us to talk about how she became a sex therapist and why she wrote her new book, Building Open Relationships. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th. 2:45 Poly in the news Non-monogamous relationships are normal, and the stigma needs to end 7:35 Interview: Building open relationships with Dr. Liz Powell Dr. Liz Powell shares how and why she got into sex therapy, including her stint and internship in the army dealing with combat stress and families, moonlighting in private practice in Savannah, GA serving the LGBTQIA community, and continuing to do sex therapy work afterwards. Misconceptions about sex therapy: it’s not all about the sex. It’s about the relationship people have with their own bodies, with their partners, and to the stories of sexuality and pleasure. Many therapists only get two days of training on sexuality issues, if at all. What is the most common communication issue that you see? Expectations of mind-reading and letting things go unsaid rather than communicating your wants and needs openly and honestly.   Why Building Open Relationships? It’s less about theory and more nuts and bolts of how to make a relationship successful with full respect for individual autonomy and consent. For example, think about how your message will land or be perceived rather than just the way you want to say it. Find it at www.buildingopenrelationships.com or www.sexpositivepsych.com or www.drlizpowell.com. Find her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Her previous episode on this podcast was 554 Grief and loss in relationships. 31:50 Happy poly moment Geoff and Sylvie share happy poly moments. 34:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Joseph Pred shares the Consent Framework, a tool for community organizers to get and enforce consent at events. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat Did you enjoy February 28 National Metamour Day? We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th 2:30 Poly in the news There’s a dark side of polyamory that nobody talks about Seven polyamory myths it’s time to stop believing Polyamory on the rise on NPR! 11:30 Interview: consent framework with Joseph Pred Download the consent frameworks Email address: consentframework@gmail.com Website: consentframework.org Twitter: @consentframewrk Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/consentframework/ 32:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Do families have to live together? My partners and I agreed to live together and have kids, but now I'm not so sure. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat We took a two-month break to figure out what this podcast will be moving forward. We’re excited about new guests and will be moving to a biweekly format. NCSF has declared February 28 National Metamour Day The Iron Realm podcast is an audio drama dungeon crawl RPG adventure. 5:45 Poly in the news Is there such a thing as poly-dar? Do poly folks have certain recognizable traits? 8:00 Topic: Do families need to live together? Lewis has a male partner and a woman partner, Sally, and the three of them have discussed living together as a family and fathering kids with Sally. However, Lewis says their communication has not been great and their relationship was pretty dysfunctional until recently. He also values his own space and privacy. Is it OK to father kids if you don’t intend to live together as a family? Good instinct to get counseling when the relationship isn’t already pretty healthy You decide what’s good for you, not what’s good for anyone else 17:30 Feedback A listener calls in to ask how to find poly folks rural Pennsylvania. 22:45 Happy Poly Moment Danielle shares a snow day happy poly moment. Lusty Guy shares a surprise happy poly moment! 25:30 Thank you Thanks to Shelly for the donation, and welcome Laurel and Terra to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 32:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Kevin Patterson, Chris Smith, Lusty Guy, and Minx discuss what we mean by "toxic masculinity" and how we should respond to both the term and the thing itself. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat 1:30 Topic: Toxic masculinity Kevin Patterson, creator of the Poly Role Models blog and author of Love’s Not Color Blind and For Hire: Operator, Chris Smith, a doctoral student at Howard University, author of Open to Love: Polyamory and the Black American and relationship researcher, and Lusty Guy, our cohost and producer. What is toxic masculinity? Setting absolutes on how gender can present and act. What makes it toxic? Anything in too great a quantity can be toxic. How toxic masculinity really relates to sports: if emotions are so key to teamwork, how can masculinity? What do we want “masculine” to be? It’s not inherent. Why is there a negative reaction to the idea of “toxic masculinity,” as in any other instance where too much of something is toxic? First response should be to do a self-assessment. How does this relate to polyamory? We need to beware of harem fantasies driving all the media representation of polyamory and of societal scripts of jealousy meaning love and other men being enemies. Everyone’s a little bit toxic. Find Kevin Patterson on email at PolyRoleModels@gmail.com, online at PolyRoleModels.tumblr.com, on Twitter at @PolyRoleModels, on facebook.com/PolyRoleModels. Oon Instagram at @PolyRoleModels, and his new fiction work For Hire: Operator is on facebook.com/ForHIreMag or on the web here: tinyurl.com/ForHireMag1 We talked with Kevin and Alana about this new work on episode 563 and about Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamory and Other Alternative Communities on episode 545. Chris Smith in on Instagram at @SmithChristopherN or via email at Tenabilitymovement@gmail.com. We talked with Chris about Poly and the Black American on episode 528. 32:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”  

Hile, travelers! We return with another episode detailing the party's delve of  Deathfrost! Our episode is freely available on archive.org and is licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0. "The Chamber" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Likewise Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email us!

What do you do when your long-distance partners move into town, and you find yourself with too many partners and too little time? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Poly in the news What is polyamory? This is what it’s really like to have multiple partners. Heath Schechinger is one of the leaders of the new Consensual Non-Monogamy Task Force within the American Psychological Association. They're getting stuff done to advance professional understanding of us and our needs. 2:30 Topic: Help! I’m polysaturated! Paul writes in as a relative poly newbie who finds himself with more local partners than he can manage. We advise that it’s OK (and in fact, usually required!) to take time for yourself and love yourself first, figure out how you would ideally spend your time (putting your own needs first), and then share that information with your partners to see if that meets their needs and let them decide if they can live with that.   12:45 Happy poly moment Heath Schechinger writes in to share a happy poly moment about bringing up relationship orientation as part of the intake process at his clinic. Jim shares a fun story about his teenage son feeling comfortable enough to ask for personal lubricant—and to ask for his mom’s boyfriend to come by (and no, those two things aren’t related!) 16:30 Thank  you! Welcome Abraham, Jim, and Eric as our newest Poly Weekly Playmates! 16:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Lawyer Melissa Hall shares exciting news about the new parentage act being enacted in Washington state and hopefully, beyond. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat and announcements Let’s talk about the new Netflix show, Wanderlust. **SPOILERS FROM 4:30-9:30** 9:30 Poly in the news Teen Vogue hits it out of the park again. 10:30 Interview: Melissa Hall on new, poly-friendly parentage laws in the U.S. Melissa Hall shares updates to parentage laws in Washington state and adoptable throughout the U.S. The Parentage Act makes possible third-parent adoptions and establishes rules for de facto parentage. This enables third- (or fourth!)-parent adoptions. “Uniform law” means they’ll push to enact in all 50 states. New definitions of de facto parenting mean that the court can recognize people as parents when both the adult and kid see the kid as a parent, even if they aren’t a legal parent. Find Melissa on Twitter at @vrimj, online at www.Smol-law.com or via email at Melissa@smollaw.com. 24:15 Feedback Alana writes in about episode 560 Poly and pregnant, saying that they had to revert to monogamy during her pregnancy due to hormones, stress, and the insecurities that surfaced. 26:15 Happy poly moment Louise in the U.K. writes in to share a story of going from being lonely and polyunsaturated to being in the middle of a long squiggly polycule and full of NRE. 28:15 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan have come out with a new superhero novel in which queerness, polyamory, and people of color are normalized. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat and announcements Poly Big Fun, an annual workshop and retreat for people who identify as polyamorous, will take place virtually on November 10th, 2018. Franklin Veaux will be presenting “My abuser is Woke: Recognizing abuse when an abuser is skilled in the language of social justice.” Joreth Innkeeper will be presenting “Breaking up in the poly community.” Visit www.polybigfun.com to register and find out more. 3:00 Interview: a poly superhero fiction work Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan give us a taste of their new book, a superhero novel in centered on queer, poly people of color. Finally, a love triangle in which the existence of the triangle isn’t the source of conflict! In this world, “operators” are the dirtier, heroes-for-hire in a world where law-abiding superheroes get all the press. What happens when a superhero and an operator are in a relationship? Release is October 12, 2018 on Amazon; release party is October 24 at 6:00 in Philadelphia at Amalgam Comics and Coffee House. Alana is The Polyamorous Librarian online, on Facebook, and Patreon. Find Kevin as Poly Role Models on Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Patreon. Follow For Hire on Facebook and Twitter. 27:30 Thanks Thanks to Miryam for becoming our latest PW Playmate! 27:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

If my partner wants to date a long-time monogamous friend without her partner's explicit consent, how to I object without imposing my ethics on my partner? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:00 Where do my ethics end and my partner’s begin? Kate calls is uncomfortable with her partner’s new person of interest (POI), who is a lifetime friend and in a monogamous relationship. The POI says she is bringing up poly with her partner, and Kate, her partner, and the POI are currently negotiating physical contact for an upcoming meeting to discuss Kate’s partner and the POI’s relationship. Kate is worried about violating the POI’s relationship agreement with her mono partner. We both see this essentially as cheating, and we don’t think it’s a good idea for your partner to ask you to watch him cheat. Having meeting that doesn’t include the POI’s partner is duplicitous (or “skeevy”, as Minx calls it) Can you trust a partner who is willing to violate someone else’s relationship agreement? You can’t tell a grown-ass adult what to do, but you can control your own behavior. You can choose not to participate in the meeting, to insist on talking to the POI’s partner before the meeting to ensure transparency and consent, or you can choose to leave your existing relationship. 15:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

If our relationship is healthy, and I want more sex and to explore my bisexuality, will poly work for us? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com What’s been going on with Minx, why we went on an unexpected hiatus (physical therapy for osteoarthritis). We’re leaving for a 10-day vacation in Paris! And we’ll be in Hawaii in January 9:30 Can poly work for a sexual mismatch? Bryan is a bisexual man in Germany who loves his healthy relationship with his girlfriend of four years, except for one thing—he wants sex daily; she wants sex once a month. Can poly work for their sexual mismatch of their otherwise healthy relationship? Yes, it can, if your relationship is otherwise healthy. Unless what you really want is not more sex but more sex with your girlfriend--that won’t work. Keep aware that even if you say you just want sex and no love/relationship—life doesn’t work like that. Consider sex workers if you really just want more sex with no danger of anyone falling in love with anyone else. German FKK clubs are wonderful. If you decide sex workers aren’t for you, take some time to discuss what you’re afraid of. Explore these discussions over time and while you’re in different moods, over weeks or even months. Do your research, find more books to read. Find your community. 22:30 Happy Poly Moment R shares a cookie-baking happy poly moment. 25:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Chloé is pregnant and now feeling possessive of her husband. Should she ask her metamour to find someone else to date so she's not so in love with Chloé's husband? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:00 Poly in the news An article came out in TIME Magazine, What Monogamous Couples Can Learn from Polyamorous Relationships, According to Experts, and it’s amazingly good! Here’s how poly folks can school monos, according to the article: Communication Defining the relationship Practicing safe sex Managing jealousy Maintaining a sense of independence Read Alan’s writeup of this article as well as his exhaustive roundup post of similar past articles. 14:00 Poly and pregnant Chloé and her husband each have a long-distance relationship outside their own, which they see a few times a year. She is now pregnant and feeling more territorial about her husband. She’s finding she wants her metamour not to be so in love with Chloé’s husband and to find her “own” primary. Your feelings won’t change if your metamour finds someone else, because they are YOUR feelings. Your insecurity is yours to own and manage. Try the And then what jealousy exercise as well as reviewing the other content we’ve done on jealousy. Look inwards to your own feelings instead of outward at your metamour. Your instinct to find a poly support network. Look both in life and online; we recommend the Poly Families Yahoo group. Phone, video, or in-person are the best media for relationship conversations. 22:30 Feedback Friggin Limey wrote a response to episode 558 on deciding when to give up on poly. He has given up on poly and decided that monogamy is what he needs. 24:30 Happy Poly Moment Kimberly writes in with a happy poly moment about her partner moving in with the family! She also asks about when and how to come out at work with her new job—should she bring her poly family to the “bring your family” event occurring before she starts? 31:15 Thank you! Welcome to Matthew and Jeff as new Poly Weekly Playmates! 32:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”  

How to cope when your partners buy a house and consider adopting a teenager with little to no input from you. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat Thanks toMiss Fisher Con 2018 for hosting us. You should sign up for next year’s mailing list! Listen to episode 558 to find out more about our sex-positive panel at Miss Fisher Con 2018 and more about the event itself. 2:00 My partners are making life decisions without me A listener wrote in to ask what to do. He is a queer male in a quad. Seven years ago, he and his partner T moved to be in the same city as W and E. They had talked off and on about cohabitation, and recently W and E decided to get a bigger house that would accommodate the four of them. W and E decided on budget and location and showed their final choice to our letter writer and his partner, which left him feeling excluded from the decision-making process. Later on, he asked about some jokes W and E were making, and it turns out they were considering adopting a teenager, which until recently would have been a deal-breaker for him. He shut down and curled into a ball. He wants to confront them, but he fears losing the relationship. It’s helpful not to think of this as a confrontation but instead a transparency session where everyone gets to say what they think and feel in a safe space. Focus on behaviors, not on assumptions about what those behaviors might mean. When you were bothered by your perception that W and E thought that the final home tour would be sufficient, own that you are talking about perceptions instead of actual communication. Own your own sh*t and ask for what you want. You never indicated that you actually told them how and when or even that you wanted to be involved in the home-buying process—it’s your job to ask for that participation in so many words. Assume goodwill all around. If you haven’t specified what you want, it’s best to assume others’ intentions are good. This is a great time to begin the habit of full disclosure. Communicate early and often. State expectations expressly instead of keeping them to yourself. 16:30 Happy Poly Moment Alan writes in about trying poly because his wife wanted to date an old college boyfriend. He found a special friend at a poly event and they spent a lovely weekend together during which he got to meet his metamours and had a fun poly family experience. 18:30 Thank you! Welcome to Tara, Christopher, Katherine, Nicola, Kerry, Elizabeth, Tony, and Heidi as new Poly Weekly Playmates! 19:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Allison Moon cohosts this episode offering advice to a listener who wants to know when to give up on polyamory that is making everyone unhappy. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat Welcome to today’s cohost, Allison Moon, author of Girl Sex 101 and Bad Dyke. Their new podcast is Artgasm. Allison, Liz Powell, Bianca and I did a fun panel on sex-positivity at Miss Fisher Con 2018! We had such a fantastic time and learned a lot. So grateful for that opportunity, and we learned a lot! You should sign up for next year’s mailing list! And listen to the Miss Fisher Philes podcast if you’re also a fan of the show; their Tumblr is here. 11:00 When to give up on polyamory A listener wrote in to ask when to give up on polyamory. They had been married for 10 years and opened up because they both liked the idea; they read all the books; already made all the mistakes; wrote their user manuals; and they both love the idea. But they have yet to feel compersion and now often go to bed sobbing or angry, and the husband is going through depressive episodes. When do you give up on polyamory? In general, if a relationship structure isn’t making you a happier and healthier version of yourself, it’s OK to go back to one that is If your reason for trying polyamory isn’t extremely compelling, maybe it isn’t right for you—don’t try to force something that feels wrong to you How are you measuring success? Consider measuring success by lessons learned or happiness rather than by ability to “get” a partner or by the absence of jealousy. All the emotions you feel are OK. Quit judging yourself for having emotions and instead use them to increase your self knowledge. Try the And then what Ignore the “sunk costs” fallacy—everything you’ve done so far will make you better at any relationship, so don’t continue only because you feel you’ve invested so much in poly. You’ve invested that in YOU! 25:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

We chat with Kat Stark, blogger, podcaster, and author of Yelling in Pasties: the Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat Episode 555 intro music has been fixed—thanks to those who wrote in to let me know of the error Thank you to everyone who bought our books—we’re coming to Paris this fall, thanks to your purchases! Come to the Life on the Swingset LGBTQIA+ takeover of the Desire Resort Riviera Maya in Cancún, Mexico! There will be live nude karaoke, demos of pegging, fisting, and flogging, speed dating, orgies and gang bangs and more! Find out more at com 5:45 Interview: Kat Stark Kat Stark is a blogger and sex toy reviewer for OnTheWetCoast.com, they co-host the On The Wet Coast podcast, and have lent their voice as audiobook narrator for Cooper Beckett’s novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity.  They are a genderqueer, sex-positive, geeky, non-monogamous, Canadian, queer, bisexual, deviant, slutty, feminist pervert. We talk about why they wrote their new book, Yelling In Pasties: The Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut and what it’s like to open up a relationship, question one’s gender identity, and deal with anxiety in one’s mid-40s. You can find them on Twitter as @WetcoastKat on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/WetcoastKat and on Instagram as kat.stark. 28:30 Happy poly moment Lala writes in about a wonderful experience with a person whom she’s been dating for six weeks. 30:30 Thank you! Thanks to new Playmates Stacy and Kimberly, and thanks to Ulrike for the one-time donation! 31:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

A listener writes in to ask why she was surprised with her partner's dating someone else, even with shared calendars. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat The Netflix Party Chrome plugin lets you watch the same Netflix show simultaneously at different locations, and it has a chat feature! 3:00 Are shared calendars enough? A listener is in a closed triad of eight months, joining a married couple (D and Y) of eight years in everyone’s first poly relationship. They only started sharing calendars two weeks ago, and our listener saw a date night on their shared calendar on our listener’s regular Friday date night. It turns out it was a couple D and Y had met previously, decided to have drinks with, and decided not to invite our listener. Our listener felt surprised and wanted to know how to handle scheduling with multiple partners. It’s not unusual to feel bad about having someone else’s date night sprung on them as a surprise. Calendars are no substitute for communication. Since you just started sharing calendars, let’s assume goodwill all around and chalk it up to a communication glitch. D and Y might just have fallen into their old couple communications patterns. Minx has had a hard time breaking her solo-poly decision-making patterns, so let’s take this as an opportunity to address a habit that might need to change. Never assume; always ask. If you want a standing date night, ask for it explicitly and ask for how you want it changed when changes are necessary. Calendar changes are great opportunities to do relationship check-ins to see how everyone is feeling about the current relationships. You get to have a say in dates and relationships that affect you. The Relationship Bill of Rights. It’s generally better to give someone the option to say no rather than to assume the answer would be no and not invite them. 13:45 Happy poly moment Natalie writes in with an adorable happy poly moment about her anniversary! 16:15 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

A listener writes in to ask how to weed out the jerks when dating. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat You’ve got me solo because LustyGuy and L are on vacation GREAT hanging out with Kevin Patterson on his Love’s Not Color Blind book tour 3:10 How to weed out the jerks Heather writes in to ask whether she should leave “poly” off her dating profile, since the last few guys either dumped her for someone else or might have been lying about being divorced. How does one weed out the creeps when dating? Poly is no guarantee of easy dating, any more than monogamy is Tips from No Dick Pics: Your Guide to Creating an Irresistible Online Dating Profile Define what polyamory means to you and state specifically how you practice it Try putting in a “test”—link to your user manual and ask a question from it to weed out anyone who hasn’t read it. Or put in a quote from your favorite movie and request that respondents put the title of the movie as their message subject—that way, you can see immediately if they took enough time to read directions or not. Set dating goals that are independent of other people’s actions, such as “go on five dates this month” or “meet with my friend to sift through messages together” or “spend one night a week on self-care” Go do thing you love; be your best and happiest self 15:15 Feedback Kim calls in to keep Minx honest 16:15 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Dr. Liz Powell shares advice on dealing with grief and loss in relationships 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements We had a great time and debuted our new class,, The Art of the Breakup, at RelateCon in Boise, Idaho. Thanks for having us! 3:00 Dealing with grief and loss in relationships Dr. Liz Powell shares insights from her class at RelateCon on dealing with grief and loss in relationships, both in terms of death and of breakups. Find out more about her, her work, and her upcoming book at SexPositivePsych.com and BuildingOpenRelationships.com 34:00 Thank you! Thanks to Heather and Michael for their generous donations this week! 34:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

What if my metamour won't meet me? My metamour asked my partner to uninvite me to an event he'd invited me to to avoid meeting me, and now I feel displaced. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements We had a great time at Southwest Love Fest April 6-8 We’re also debuting a new class, The Art of the Breakup, at RelateCon April 25-27 in Boise, Idaho 5:00 What if my metamour won’t meet me? Nick from New Orleans wants to meet his metamours, but his partner’s lovers don’t want to meet him, and she would typically break up with them before he got the chance. Figure out your own personal boundaries and how important it is to you. With the understanding that you can’t force anyone to meet you, express your needs and personal boundaries/limits around meeting metamours to your partner. Give her the chance to know your needs, which she can then communicate BEFORE she starts dating someone instead of after. Check out the Relationship Bill of Rights.  Rose is a straight cis woman with two partners, one local, and one, Greg, who lives a few hours away. His other partner Alice is monogamous, out-of-state, only tolerates Rose’s existence, and refuses to meet Rose until Rose and Greg break up. Greg recently invited Rose to an event, and Alice asked him to un-invite her so that Alice could enjoy the event with Greg. Relationship Bill of Rights. You can say “no” to the request, perhaps with a counter-offer that you take this event, and she takes the next one. Begin negotiations. You have the right to seek compromise. You have an equal say in what your relationship with Greg will look like. Same for your relationship with Alice. And you have a right not to be treated as subordinate to anyone else in the relationship. It’s important to discuss behaviors (Greg’s uninviting you) and the emotions you feel around that, but resist the urge to assume motivations behind Alice’s behavior. Having the hinge of the vee do all the communication with the edges of the vee is problematic. Every play “telephone”? Open communication will prevent a lot of drama. 24:00 Feedback Anonymous asks if women experience a post-coital bliss state similar to that following male orgasm after a squirting orgasm. 27:30 Happy poly moment A listener wrote in to share the joys of dating your species! 31:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Cesar's wife told him she missed him and then left to be with her lover. Is the solution to tell her not to say she misses him? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements We’ll be teaching Painless Poly Dating 101 and Poly Pitfalls: Fixing Things When They Break at Southwest Love Fest April 6-8 We’re also debuting a new class, The Art of the Breakup, at RelateCon April 25-27 in Boise, Idaho Professor Marsten and the Wonder Women is now available for streaming on Hulu And in related news, Minx gave herself permission to stop reading The Secret History of Wonder Woman and opt instead to start a new book more focused on a feminist hero, Americanah 7:45 Poly in the News A poly quad was on the Today show on March 1 and holy crap it was great 10:00 My wife chose her lover over me Cesar called in to ask for advice. His wife opened up their relationship and has a “fuckbuddy.” Cesar has four jobs; she has one. Time together is at a minimum. When she picked him up one night, she told him she missed him and then left to spend the night with her other partner. Cesar got mad, asked her not to tell him she missed him if she was going to leave. He feels she should have spent the evening with him having makeup sex instead of with her other partner. Was her date a surprise? If so, talk about minimizing surprises by discussing scheduling and changes to the schedule in advance. Did you decide together to open up the relationship, or did your wife make the decision to open up? If the latter, you will have a lot of additional feelings to unpack. Let her be the expert on her. Believe your partner when she expresses her feelings and vulnerability. Accusing her of lying is responding to her vulnerability with aggression. Never tell a partner to stop telling you how they feel! Try responding to her “I miss you” with “I miss you, too. When can we make time for each other?” Or try using the “when you ____, I feel ___” structure to share your feelings about what she just said. Don’t borrow trouble. Stop imaging the worst. Ask for what you want. Have you asked for more time with her? She didn’t skip makeup sex with you because you hadn’t made up! You’ve made up when you both have a shared understanding of the conflict, you’ve both apologized for your contributions to it, and you have both agreed on specific actions to prevent it in the future. 27:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Is it OK to date someone who doesn't communicate well if he's all that's available and I like him? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements Take the Relations Decisions Lab survey and click Participants>Open Relationship survey if you are currently monogamous and looking to open up your relationship Come to Poly Dallas Millennium in Dallas this year! 4:15 Listener question: is it OK to date the strong, silent type? Copper is in a rural area of Alaska and met a guy that she experienced a strong connection with, but he’s not very communicative, and she’s afraid of oversharing. How does she mesh the “poly culture” of emotional intelligence and communication with the “Alaskan culture” of not communicating around emotions? Lusty Guy says it’s not about cultures but about what YOU need. And do you really want to date someone who blew you off? Minx says “you do you.” Be yourself. He might not be afraid of your oversharing—you won’t know until you try. Fuck poly community standards—do you need someone who communicates well? If not, go to it! If you are OK dating someone you can’t share your shit with or just need Mr. Right Now, go right ahead. 16:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Hile, travelers! In this episode the party ascends the Death Frost. DOOM! Our episode is freely available on archive.org and is licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0. "The Chamber" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Likewise Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email us! (thecromcast at

Ben Shenker, a lawyer practicing in Maryland and D.C., answers your poly questions 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements Take the Relations Decisions Lab survey and click Participants>Open Relationship survey if you are currently monogamous and looking to open up your relationship We’ll be at Southwest Love Fest next month! 3:15 Ask Benjamin Shenker, a poly lawyer Listeners call and write in to ask: Besides an LLC, how can more than two people own property together? (LLC, partnership, corporation, trust or a tenancy in common) If my ex has remarried in a more traditional arrangement and my long-term poly partner is married (not to me), does that put me at risk of losing custody of my kids? Is claiming a second legal marriage the only way to be prosecuted for polygamy? What are some of the ways to get marriage benefits without being legally married? Find him at polyamory.law or on Twitter at @polyamorylawyer or Facebook at Law Office of Benjamin Shenker. NCSF is a resource if you need help with child custody issues. 31:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Diana Ryan and Kieland McClellan advise on how to get the most out of swinging as a person of color. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements Email PolyLoveStudy@gmail.com if you are 18 or over, live in Canada or the US, are poly with at least one partner, and are willing to participate in a study that requires 12 monthly surveys. 2:30 How to get what you want out of swinging Diana Ryan and Kieland McClellan give advice to a listener who doesn’t feel welcome in most swinging spaces in Wisconsin and who keeps encountering women interested in her man but not in her. See who you vibe with and ignore the rest Ask the host to introduce you to people If there is a Facebook group, chat people up there first and invite them to say hello when they see you at the live events Consider reassessing only playing together—maybe playing separately in the same room? Or consider kink events, where people can be more open-minded Find Diana on her website, 360 Life Skills, on Twitter at @ch1pmunkryan, Facebook at 360 Coaching & Counseling, and Instagram at with_coach_di. Kieland is available on Facebook at Keiland McClanahan or via email at mailto:thelifestyleentertainmentgrp@gmail.com. 27:45 Happy poly moment Jai writes in to share her happy sisterhood poly moment after episode 544. 29:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Brenda Wiebe discusses her new book, Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Announcements Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life is out now! Please support Kitty Chambliss’ Patreon for her new podcast on Love Without Boundaries 3:20 Poly in the News Hidden Brain does a podcast on marriage that mentions consensual nonmonogamy com article on a poly dad Polyamory in Iceland 8:05 Brenda Weibe: Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life Brenda Wiebe currently lives in downtown Salt Lake City with her partner. She completed two back to back masters’ programs, one in sociology and the other in anthropology. She taught courses at the college level for both subjects. She has also given presentations about polyamory to poly/swinger/kink communities and at a conference about polyamory called RelateCon. Currently, her full time job is social work geared toward helping vulnerable adults.      Three years ago she began working on Catch and Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life where she uses her skills as a researcher of sociology and anthropology to write a review of different relationship patterns throughout human history; as well as, a summary of some of the leading current research on relationships. Intermingled throughout the science is the story of her journey to polyamory. Her goal is to explain how cultural pressures and religious indoctrination have created the current mainstream monogamous model that is so prevalent in today’s society and offer an alternative. When she’s not writing or working, Brenda enjoys reading fantasy novels, drinking the beer her partner brews, and wandering in the mountains when the weather is nice. Brenda is at nonmonogblog.com and on Twitter as blwiebe69 and Facebook at B.L. Wiebe and Instagram at blwiebe Her book is Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life. 31:00 Happy poly moment Nancy in Cleveland writes in to share nine months of Happy Poly Moments around organizing her local poly group 33:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

How to you reassure your new poly partner when you're going to be 8,000 miles away for the next three years? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Announcements Congratulations to Brooklynn Clark on winning an advance copy of Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities We'll be at Southwest Love Festin Tucson, AZ April 7-9 And we'll be at RelateCon in Boise, ID April 27-29 3:15 Listener question: how do I give reassurances in my long-distance relationship? Veronica calls in to ask how to reassure her new poly partner who is now 8,000 miles away. Won’t this become a problem when they start seeing other people over the next three years? Minx says to ask her partner what he needs and to say what you need; LustyGuy says not to borrow trouble for something that isn’t yet an issue. 14:45 Feedback Maria calls in to call Minx out on referring to LustyGuy as “already trained.” 18:00 Happy poly moment Melissa writes in to share a happy poly moment as to how a solo poly partner can help enrich her partner and metamour’s relationship! 20:25 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Erich Viedge interviews Chris Deaton about polyamory and BDSM 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Announcements We'll be at Southwest Love Festin Tucson, AZ April 7-9 And we'll be at RelateCon in Boise, ID April 27-29 2:00 Poly in the news The tabloids are loving poly story packages 6:30 Interview: Chris Deaton on hierarchy and power dynamics in polyamory Our South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews researcher Chris Deaton on hierarchy and power dynamics in polyamory. He is doing a survey on how power exchange in BDSM poly relationships are reflected in poly relationships that might otherwise be egalitarian. 279 Polyamory and BDSM with Raven Kalera 538 Coming out to your kids with Casey Blake 28:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”  

Kevin Patterson discusses his soon-to-be-released new book, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamory 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Announcements Solo Poly Con is in Seattle in April with early bird pricing until January 31 #sopoco18 Take the Relations Decisions Lab survey and click Participants>Open Relationship survey if you are currently monogamous and looking to open up your relationship Lush’s Polyamory bath bomb 5:15 Interview: Kevin Patterson Poly Role Models blog Love’s not color blind: race and representation in poly and other alternative communities New York Times Magazine article Poly Role Models Facebook page with all the book tour events He’ll be at Poly Living Philadelphia, Playground Conference in Toronto, CatalystCon, Poly Dallas Millennium and have stops in Portland, Olympia, Seattle, Vancouver IndieGoGo to get the book early and support the book tour! Enter to win your advance copy of Love’s Not Color Blind! Click on the Love’s Not Color Blind book tour, click the Share button to share it as a public post, and write a post to share it with your friends to enter! Find Kevin on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram 27:25 Feedback A listener calls in response to episode 517 to share a rare but serious danger of HSV 31:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Educator, business owner, and burlesque performer Iris Muscarella discusses the importance of nurturing sisterhood in polyamory 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Interview: Iris Muscarella on sisterhood in polyamory New insights on relationship anarchy Andie Nordren on relationship anarchy what is sisterhood exactly, and what does that look like in polyamory? What advice would you give to women who feel they aren’t good at making female friends? Iris reaches out to her metamours to introduce herself and to show respect for the existing relationship How to set up metamour group time if you’re an introvert How to let people play to their strengths 26:15 Feedback Maria calls in to ask why we don’t use our real names—wouldn’t it be more powerful? Alan recommended a few Christian poly-friendly churches: the Metro Community Church, Unitarian Universalist church, and the Christian New Thought church 32:30 Happy poly moment Ann writes in to say that her young triad is happy 33:30 Thanks! Thanks to Theresa for sending in $100 donation this week! 34:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Highlights from the best episodes of 2017 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Erich Viege presents a Poly Weekly year in review The author of original comic series Wonder Woman William Marston was in a polyamorous triad, and a movie based on his life was released in 2017. Episode 536 Response to Mayim Bialik’s rant on polyamory Ethical Slut 20th anniversary update 43 episodes, 17 listener questions (approximately 1/3); cohosts Lusty Guy, Kevin Patterson, Koe Creation, Erich Viedge Minx and LG published No Dick Pics: How to Opimize Your Online Dating Profile Dan Savage was our biggest celebrity Also Pepper Mint, Kitty Chambliss, Cooper Beckett, Isabelle Broué, Dedeker Winston, Page Turner, and AggieSez And as we strove for inclusion, Poly Dallas Millennium organizer Ruby Bouie Johnson and Chris Smith, a doctoral student, about his paper called Open to Love; Poly and the Black American. Also Ignacio Rivera spoke on consensual sex education and Iris Muscarella on egalitarian solo poly. Then there was the New York Times piece (not) featuring Kevin Patterson And how to love someone who was abused (503) , how to love someone whom you love more than he loves you (506), and how to tell a partner no (514), can poly fix my husband—(no, you have to own your shit (523) 23:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Is it OK to use your veto power if your metamour is a drama queen to the point that your needs aren't being met? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat Lusty Guy cohosts, and we talk over how our polycule handled the holidays this year. Also, Threadfinder writes in to let us know the Baton Rouge Open and Poly (BROP) group is doing well, and they are also hosting Drums in the Swamp. 9:00 My partner is dating a drama queen Kathy has been dating for a year a guy who started dating X four months ago. Kathy didn’t get along with the metamour X and feels her own needs were not being met by her partner when he was with the metamour. Kathy feels that Guy would shower X with support, and Kathy would do the emotional labor of supporting Guy through events/breakups with X. But when Kathy needed Guy’s emotional support when she lost her grandmother, she says that Guy couldn’t, and she felt it was because he was always supporting X. Guy and X break up, Kathy supports Guy. He wants to get back together with X, and Kathy feels awful that she just can’t bring herself to back this plan and exercises her veto power. She asks: So besides sharing my story, I have a question: How do you deal in an ethical way with these situations? How can give my partner the time, space and support he needs while my needs to spend quality time with him and to have a relationship conversation aren't being fulfilled? Lusty Guy recommends limiting your interactions and vulnerability with Guy if you feel that you and your relationship are being negatively affected by X He also recommends considering owning your shit and determining what you have contributed to the situation Minx references the Relationship Bill of Rights and the point that you have the right “to seek balance between what you give to the relationship and what is given back to you.” Also, be specific—maybe Guy has been thinking he’s been giving you “emotional support,” but it doesn’t look like the support you want. Say what “emotional support” looks like to you when you ask for it—being physically present for a hug, arranging to spend an uninterrupted hour of listening, or maybe just a kind text message or two. What exactly does good “emotional support” look like? Ask for it, and acknowledge when he does it! 19:00 Feedback D responds to the question on episode 486 about having a partner newly identify as a heteroromantic grey asexual. 21:00 Happy Poly Moment Scott wrote in to share that he celebrated his 46th birthday by buying himself a ring with his three lovers’ names on it. 21:50 Thank you! Thanks to Heidi for the pi donation and to Nicholas and Eric for joining as PW Playmates! 23:20 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Erich Viedge interviews French poly filmmaker Isa Lutine, a.k.a. Isabelle Broué, about her latest poly film. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat  Nurse, counselor and poly educator Kathy Labriola shares her poly holiday survival guide tips in a guest blog post. 2:45 Poly in the news Sudden abundance of black and poly web series and films Polyamory is one of the most popular relationship search terms of 2017 You, me and polyamory: Inside Philadelphia’s growing nonmonogamous community featuring our own Kevin Patterson and Antoinette Crumby’s poly relationship! And their pastor’s response blog post was awesomely compassionate and loving. 11:00 Interview: Erich Viege interviews filmmaker Isa Lutine, a.k.a Isabelle Broué Broué is the director of the 2004 film Tout le plaisir est pour moi — all the pleasure is for me — about a radio journalist who realises one day she’s lost her clitoris. In 2016, She made a feature film about polyamory which won the Best Screenplay AND Best feature at the Vancouver women in Film festival in 2017. Her latest project is called Lutine le Film. You can find it at www.lutinelefilm.com and on Facebook Lutine le Film. Broué herself is on Facebook as Isa Lutine. (“Lutine” is the French word for elf or imp and broadly means something like “polyamorous person.”) If you would like to arrange a screening, you can contact Broué through her website lutinelefilm.com 31:20 Happy Poly Moment Angel shares the best possible outcome of coming out to a human resource person at work! 32:50 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Kitty Chambliss shares her insights on jealousy and the Jealousy Survival Guide 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat We’re on Spotify! 1:50 Poly in the news Polyamory in Sicilon Valley 4:10 Interview: Kitty Chambliss, author of the Jealousy Survival Guide Kitty Chambliss is a #1 Amazon best selling author, relationship coach, polyamorous and sex-positive speaker, activist, and founder of Loving Without Boundaries (LWB). Since 2012 LWB has over 200 blog posts and 70 podcasts to date. Kitty’s work has been featured in Stories From the Polycule, Multiamory, Swingtowns, PostModern Woman, the upcoming book It’s Called Polyamory: Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships, and other publications around the globe. Kitty is a professional dual-certified (CPC and ELI-MP) relationship coach. Lastly Kitty is thrilled to be bringing her first book: Jealousy Survival Guide: How to feel safe, happy, and secure in an open relationship out to the world. Kitty has made it her life’s mission to make thriving relationships – even unconventional ones – attainable to everyone. Find her on her website. 33:40 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Pepper Mint discusses his new book, Playing Fair: Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men Into Women 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat Minx apologizes for not publishing the last two weeks due to work and family obligations, but yay, we have an interview with Pepper this week! 2:00 Interview: Pepper Mint Pepper Mint is an activist, educator, and community organizer in the polyamory and BDSM communities in San Francisco.  Over the years, he has been responsible for many fun adventures, including Poly Speed Dating and the OpenSF conference.  You can find his writings at freaksexual.com and pepperminty.com, and you can buy his new book Playing Fair: a Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men Into Women on Amazon here or at Thorntree Press here. 24:30 Feedback Nick writes in about how the episode 535 on asexuality was a revelation for him. 28:40 Happy Poly Moment Catharina shares a happy poly moment about being an awesome partner and metamour! 31:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews sex educator Casey Blake for tips on how to talk about your poly relationships and your general polyamory with your kids: 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat So excited to bring you another piece out of South Africa. The audio line wasn’t the best, but we hope the great interview shines through! 2:30 Interview: Casey Blake Casey Blake is a South African sex educator who helps parents to break the silent taboo of speaking about our lives in ways that can make a difference for our children. She founded What Now Counselling in 2013 to provide a variety of services to help people cope with the life, when the first words that come to mind are "What Now?" and runs workshops on how to have “the talks” about sex and relationship with kids. South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews Casey Blake to ask about how to come out to his own kids, and she recommends a few things: Don’t insist on being the source of all correct information—be willing to say you don’t know or to ask them what they think. Ask them what do relationships mean to you? If your kid discovers you have a date outside your marriage, ask them what they think about that? What does “date” mean to you? When we are silent about things, it teaches our children that they can’t talk to us. Bring stuff up, even out of the blue—it teaches them that they can also bring up unspoken things or ask questions after a while. It’s OK to teach that sex is nice/pleasurable, and that’s why the door is closed. An easy answer is to ask what do you think. For example, if your kid asks what you do on your date with your girlfriend, ask them, “what do you think?” Don’t let your internalized shame get in the way of communication with your kid. Ask the children for the information they’ve got in a conversational manner: where did you hear that? What do you think? (Listen, breathe and try not to laugh!) Pixelate what needs pixelating. Being ignorant makes your kids susceptible to danger. You can’t talk with your children about something you are ashamed they know you’re doing. You can find her on Facebook at Tools for Having The Talks - with Casey Blake or on Facebook at Body-Positive Parenting - with Casey Blake 24:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Ignacio Rivera shares their latest work on a variety of topics, including consensual sex education 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Sponsorship: Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents! The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents who are looking to open up their relationships for the first time or who have opened it up before but are looking to open up again. To participate, go to www.relationshipdecisions.org, click on the Participants tab and select Open Relationship Project link. And remember, it’s for science! 2:30 Poly in the news Spike Lee’s new poly, pansexual Netflix series, She’s Gotta Have It Professor Bob reviews Professor Marston and the wonder Women 6:30 Interview: Ignacio Rivera Ignacio Rivera aka Papí Coxxx who prefers the gender-neutral pronoun “they” is a Two-Spirit, Black Boricua Taíno New Yorker currently living in Baltimore. Ignacio has spoken at home and abroad on various topics including but not limited to sexuality, racism, sexism, transgender issues, anti-oppression, anti-violence, sexual liberation and multi-issue organizing. Ignacio’s work has manifested itself through skits, one-person shows, poetry, lectures, workshops and experimental film. Ignacio identifies as an independent polyamorist, kinky, switch and sex worker who is on a sexually liberating life-long path. They are the founder of Poly Patao Productions (P3), The HEAL Project and Re(Nude) Sex(uality) Coaching. They can be seen in Pink and White Productions, “The Wild Search " Morty Diamond’s “Tranny Fags” on a “Trans Entity: The Nasty Love of Papí and Wil” and Cheryl Dunye's "Mommy is Coming." We talk about their consensual sex education projects, their Pure Love talk show with their daughter about what her sex education was like (and the results thereof), and how they came to be poly before the internet. They started Shades of Poly, a nonmonogamous support group for poly people of color. Re(Nude) Sex(uality) Coaching Pure Love talk show with their daughter HEAL project coverage 30:45 Feedback Kim in Liverpool writes in to say how useful the solo poly conversation with Iris Muscarella was helpful. 33:30 Happy Poly Moment J shares a first happy poly moment of finally being comfortable with a metamour. 37:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”  

We review this stellar poly romantic comedy with sociologist Mimi Schippers. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Poly in the news Marston movie wins more poly plaudits, sinks at box office; director and angry granddaughter face off in print Professor Marston’s opening weekend All coverage 6:45 Sponsorship: Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents! The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents who are looking to open up their relationships for the first time or who have opened it up before but are looking to open up again. To participate, go to www.relationshipdecisions.org, click on the Participants tab and select Open Relationship Project link. And remember, it’s for science! 8:00 Interview: Sociologist Mimi Schippers on the Wonder Women movie Mimi Schippers is Professor of Sociology and Gender and Sexuality Studies at Tulane University and teaches courses on gender, sexuality, and feminist and queer theory. She also developed one of the first college courses on the sociology of monogamy and polyamory. Her book Beyond Monogamy: Polyamory and the Future Of Polyqueer Sexualities was published in August 2016 and focuses on the feminist, queer, and anti-racist potential of polyamory, multi-adult intimate relationships, and group sex. Her website is mimischippers.com, and she blogs at marxindrag.com. Find her on Twitter and Facebook. Why this movie is awesome Angela Robinson centered the story on Elizabeth and Olive rather than on Marston and male-dominant polygyny The ultimatum and the six-hour walk A poly-centered view of the stories of historical figures such as Emma Goldman and e e cummings Her blog post reviewing the movie is here. 36:15 Movie review: Joreth on Professor Marston and the Wonder Women Her full 25-minute review and conversation with Alan from the Poly in the News blog is available at www.polyishmoviereviews.com 40:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Justine of asexuality.org busts asexual myths and shares her experiences 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat and announcements The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents who are looking to open up their relationships for the first time or who have opened it up before but are looking to open up again. To participate, go to www.relationshipdecisions.org, click on the Participants tab and select Open Relationship Project link. And remember, it’s for science! 3:00 Interview: Asexuality Justine/Heart is a physicist by day who volunteers at www.asexuality.org and spoke to us about what asexuality is and how to find resources to learn more. https://asexualoutreach.org/ for live meetups in North America To reach Justine, go to the asexuality.org forums and message her. 24:15 Feedback Andy from Ann Arbor called in to let us know about polyamory in a science fiction book by Nora Jemisin, The Fifth Season. The second book in the series has a poly triad seamlessly worked into the book, and the first two books in the trilogy won the Hugo award two years in a row. 25:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Janet Hardy on the last 20 years of polyamory and the latest edition of the Ethical Slut. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat and announcements The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents who are looking to open up their relationships for the first time or who have opened it up before but are looking to open up again. To participate, go to www.relationshipdecisions.org, click on the Participants tab and select Open Relationship Project link. And remember, it’s for science! 2:45 Interview: Janet Hardy on her life and The Ethical Slut’s third edition Janet Hardy, author of over a dozen books on sexuality, BDSM and polyamory, joins us for a life and editorial update. She’s sharpening her illustration skills for a brand-new, fully-illustrated edition of The Sexually Dominant Woman and working with her grown sons on their early poly lives, working title “Slut and Sons.” We talk about that great write up in Rolling Stone, the first headline about geeks making the best lovers that opened the door to talking about poly in the 90s and how that has changed. And we talk about what is new in ES3—consent culture, more inclusiveness and more. Plus, Janet’s favorite musical! Buy the book from Janet’s Facebook page or book Janet through her website 26:15 Happy poly moment New listener Sarah shares a happy poly moment about her partners collaborating to make her day. 27:45 Thank you! Welcome Meiyi to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 28:15 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

A listener asks how to reduce friction and awkwardness in first-time metamour meetings; LustyGuy and Minx respond, and correspondent Erich Viedge offers a relevant interview with and letter from Wilrieke Sophia. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat and announcements Remember my response to Mayim Bialik’s clueless video about open relationships? She did a correction video here in which she corrected her assumptions about open relationships and polyamory. Huzzah for Mayim! In personal news, Minx and her kitty moved in with LustyGuy and L to form a blended household. If you want to have us speak at your event outside the US and are willing to host a fundraiser to finance our travel, we are happy to donate classes, signed books and even relationship coaching to help you out! Interested? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com 9:30 Topic: reducing friction in first-time metamour meetups Claire in Portland has three partners with some being long-distance, and she is arranging for everyone to meet for the first time. How can she reduce the awkwardness of this first meeting and make sure everyone is comfortable? You can’t make anyone do anything Think of it as a party: set up channels of communication beforehand, introduce people and conversational topics, have favorite foods and drinks at hand, diminish expectations and pressure, have icebreaker activities set up Model the behavior you want to see: calm and vulnerable Let everyone know that nothing rides on this—you can flub everything up, and it will still be OK Ask everyone involved what they would need to be comfy and their ideas for helping to make everyone else comfy Thanks to Erich Viedge for interviewing poly activist and educator Wilrieke Sophia on a similar topic and having her read her “Letter to the Women Who Sleep with My Man” for us! 27:10 Feedback A listener wrote in to comment on a response to herpes we discussed on episode 517, pointing out that, while most people experience herpes as a minor inconvenience at most, herpes can be quite painful for some outlier cases. 29:00 Happy poly moment A listener writes in to share how she and her husband overcame the obstacles to enable her to ask for what she wanted and to be truly happy for her husband and their new lover! 33:35 Book review: Erich Viege interviews Paige Turner Our correspondent Erich Viedge interviews Paige Turner, author of Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory. Paige Turner is an educator and author living in Cleveland, Ohio and blogs daily at http://www.poly.land, Tweets at @polydotland and has a Facebook group. 42:00 Thank you! Welcome Theodore and Mallory as new Poly Weekly Playmates! And thanks to Katherine and Craig for your donations! 42:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Sex therapist Ruby Bouie Johnson addresses a listener question about premature ejaculation. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Poly in the news The Ethical Slut is in Rolling Stone! Poly in the news coverage of the Rolling Stone piece The coverage of the Marston/Wonder Woman poly movie in the Poly in the News blog 7:45 Topic: Can I be poly if I come too quickly? Sexpert and sex therapist Ruby Bouie Johnson joins us to give advice to a listener who reports suffering from premature ejaculation and wonders if he can be poly with this issue? Does he need to find a partner who also comes quickly? Ruby ponders a few questions: how quickly is too quickly? Does this happen all the time, even when masturbating? Video hub of instruction The Guide to Getting It On List ? Urban Tantra www.sextherapistruby.com www.blacksexgeek.net www.polydallasmillennium.com How to make this podcast better   Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Iris Muscarella, burlesque performer, jazz singer and new poly educator, shares insights on solo and egalitarian polyamory. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Poly in the news Professor Marsten and the Wonder Women, the bio pic about William Moulton Marsten, the polyamorous creator of Wonder Woman, comes out October 13 It’s time for the church to talk about polyamory 7:05 Interview: Iris Muscarella on solo and egalitarian polyamory Iris Muscarella, business owner, burlesque performer and jazz singer, host of Dallas-area poly women’s sleepovers and new poly educator, shares thoughts on solo and egalitarian polyamory. Solo egalitarian poly is the love language of the individual. “I don’t wanna be your whole world; I just wanna be a part of your world.” How Iris defines solo and egalitarian; relationship anarchy; how solo poly differs from “just dating”; how do you show the importance of your relationship(s) in the absence of typical relationship escalator benchmarks; what do solo poly people need to have in their toolkits; how can people be better allies to people of color in the poly community—listen to hear, not to respond 33:30 Feedback Herbalwise shares a bit of everyday poly in the podcasting world Friggin’ Limey calls in to let us hear his accent! 36:00 Happy Poly Moment A listener writes in to share a sexy and erotic happy poly moment—and breakfast afterwards! 38:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Listener AJ asks what are the political struggles of the poly movement today. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements LustyGuy and Kevin Patterson cohost We were listed as one of the Eight Most Inventive, Informative and Titillating Sex Podcasts by Indie Wire! 3:30 Topic: What are the real political struggles of the poly movement today, and what should they be? Listener AJ writes in to ask if being considered a target by marketers and being included in the legal system should really be the goals of the poly movement. “Do we really desire inclusion in the system we already have?” they question, along with questioning what are the real struggles of the poly movement today and what we can learn from the LGBTQ resistance movements. Find Kevin as Poly Role Models on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Tumblr blog Support Kevin at http://patreon.com/polyrolemodels He’ll be at CatalystCon speaking on race and sex-positive parenting How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Join TT and GG for Episode 59 with Queens rapper @Daiburger as we talk about Dai's new album "Soft Serve", play the Amber-Dashian game, discuss "where to release" etiquette (blame it on Insecure), and much more. Questions/Comments/Feedback: Email - theoprahroseshow@gmail.com Instagram - @theoprahroseshow Twitter - @oprahroseshow www.theoprahroseshow.com/ --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/theoprahroseshow/support

There is a growing demand for poly plot lines in science fiction novels. Guest host Erich Viege interviews Alisia Gus of Curiosity Quills publishing. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements Erich Viege is hosting this week 2:15 Poly in the News Amanda Palmer on her open marriage with Neil Gaiman, now. 3:30 Interview: Curiosity Quills publisher Alisia Gus on polyamory There is a growing demand for sci fi books with poly in background. And they are accepting submissions, if you’re a writer! Gus wants to partner with other publishers telling more stories of non-mono relationships. And she is offering a subscription box, like book box of the month. To submit, email curiosity@curiosityquills.com Current poly sci fi novels from Curiosity Quills: Kiya: Hope of the Pharaoh Survival Kit’s Apocalypse Ruth Fox Sinclair The White Pavilion Links: https://curiosityquills.com/ Alisa Gus Alisa’s Twitter, Curiosity Quills Twitter 18:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Chris Smith on polyamory and the Black American 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Poly in the News A Yoplait ad campaign builds on the idea of polyamory 4:20 Interview: Chris Smith Chris Smith is a PhD student at Howard University studying higher education and a relationship researcher focused on non-monogamy within the Black demographic. Open to Love; Poly and the Black American People raise sex and put it on a pedestal. And that’s OK, but raise communication and flexibility to that same level. Polyamory as a possible method of strengthening Black economic power Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present Blacks are already ostracized; it can be difficult to add polyamory to the mix. As a Black male, it’s already hard to fight the aggressive and overly sexualized stereotypes; polyamory can appear to reinforce those Link for the Black and poly survey Let’s get to 3,000! Black polyamorous anthology description and consent forms to participate email mrtenability@gmail.com Find Chris Smith on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter as MrTenability 35:50 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

What behavioral patterns do you establish at the beginning of your relationships, and why does that matter? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements If you want to have us speak at your event outside the US and are willing to host a fundraiser to finance our travel, we are happy to donate classes, signed books and even relationship coaching to help you out! Interested? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com 5:10 Poly in the News The third edition of their seminal book, The Ethical Slut! 6:20 Topic: behavioral patterns in your relationships (and how to establish them) Sarah from Australia asked for Lusty Guy to elaborate on his comment about patterns at the start of relationship establishing what will happen later on in the relationship. What patterns do you establish when you start dating? Any red flag behaviors? What the hell is Lusty Guy talking about? A pattern is the behavior you adopt in the face of differing styles or approaches to stuff in relationships The way you establish a pattern is to ask yourself how you ideally want to respond to conflicts or conflicting patterns (such as who plans a date)—and those will often persist throughout the duration of the relationship What do you want your partner to learn? LG likes to look for ways to be his very best self in the first relationship conflict. “Whenever you want to reach someone, you have to be reachable.” Be vulnerable! Red flags: pay attention to the nature of the stories people tell about themselves. Are they the avenging hero? Martyr? Berserker? Affable buffoon? And look for the differences between the behavior you observe and the stories they tell Also, do they share? How do they talk about their past relationships? Are they respectful of past partners and relationships? What comments do they make about strangers? 24:25 Feedback Thanks for having Goody Howard on the show! 26:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Join TT and GG for Episode 58 as we sit down with entrepreneur and publicist @sandrinecharles to discuss owning your own business, friends with boats, an epic mixxy birthday party, and bringing your friends so we can do this (hang) every weekend (Biggie voice). Questions/Comments/Feedback: Email - theoprahroseshow@gmail.com Instagram - @theoprahroseshow Twitter - @theoprahroseshow www.theoprahroseshow.com/ --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/theoprahroseshow/support

What is a "comet," and why are they valuable? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com Koe Creation cohosts 1:00 Announcements Poly Dallas Millennium got a great write up in the Dallas Observer! 2:45 Poly in the News Polish ethicist addresses polyamory—because his grandfather was poly Poly comedian in the U.K. describes her polyamory as feminist and liberating Koe mentions Sex at Dawn 7:30 Topic: let’s talk about poly comets! A listener calls in to ask more about poly comets. Rough definition of a comet: An occasional lover who passes through one’s life semi-regularly, but without an expectation of continuity or a romantic relationship. For more poly terms, check out More Than Two’s excellent poly glossary. Koe shares their ideas on long-term comets and short-term comets 18:45 Feedback The chairperson of Poly Denmark writes in to let us know that poly is alive and well in Scandinavia and has been for over 10 years! Polydan; includes e-mail list. Polyamory.dk (note the interesting version of the infinity-heart logo). 23:15 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Meet Goody Howard, sex positive superhero!   0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host Chat Poly Dallas Millennium was eye-opening! 2:45 Poly in the News In Australia, TV news coverage of women fired for being poly Satire: experts warn this Seattle poly relationship could expand to cover all of Seattle! 9:17 Interview: Goody Howard, Sex Positive Superhero We do a poly profile of Goody Howard, Sex Positive Superhero, whom we met at Poly Dallas Millennium. An intimacy consultant and a sex educator who loves to host toy parties and teach classes on oral sex, her superpower is helping people to be comfortable discussing intimacy, sexuality and their own wants and needs. To support her trip to the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit next week, go to PayPal and send your donation to askgoody@gmail.com Women of Color Sexual Health Network Her favorite thing to do is to teach oral sex classes, currently available as Lick! Sexy Summer Series 2017 in the Dallas area. And Goody kindly agreed to give me feedback on what went wrong with my keynote address at PDM. How can I (and others) be more inclusive? Rather than giving voice to the voiceless, pass the mic. Give the opportunity to speak directly to the POC rather than speaking for them. Call in versus call out. “Call in” is to address an incident of privilege or implicit bias privately. A “call out” is addressing the incident publicly, in front of others. Educate yourself. On micro-aggressions and on how systematic racism works so you can recognize when it’s happening. Find her on Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, (still looking for her vanity URL on YouTube, so subscribe to her YouTube channel so she can!), and her site is http://www.askgoody.com/. 41:15 Thank you! Chris donated $69.96 to celebrate the wife and girlfriend going on their first date! 42:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Listener Shanna calls in to ask if her willingness to be poly will help them get past her husband's cheating. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements Minx and LustyGuy will be at Poly Dallas Millennium next month Koe is coaching; hire them at koecreation.com or email koecreation@gmail.com And teaching The Great Wide World of Nonmonogamy at the Armory in San Francisco on August 31. Get tickets here. And they are also working on their memoir as a second-generation poly person! 4:30 Poly in the News Wait for the second date to reveal you’re poly? From Savage Love 5:15 Topic: will poly fix his cheating? Listener Shanna calls in to say that her husband has cheated and she is open to polyamory. How do they move past the cheating and improve their relationship together? 22:40 Feedback We learn the term “parrot gliding”! 23:45 Happy Poly Moment Marie shared a happy poly moment in Swedish! How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

What do you do when your partner dismisses your shit-owning? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements We’ll be at Poly Dallas Millennium next month 1:20 Poly in the News Wait for the second date to reveal you’re poly? From Savage Love 4:30 Topic: when owning your shit isn’t enough Listener A writes in to ask when owning your shit isn’t enough—how about treating your partner with compassion and care. Sometimes, people use “own your shit” to mean “I don’t want to do the work that a healthy relationship requires.” Where is the line between owning your shit and being compassionate and caring for your partner? Relationship Bill of Rights 12:45 Feedback A listener calls in to ask why women can have friendships with women but men can’t have friendships with men Queen of Sodomy calls in from Iceland to question if the poly folks should join the GLBTQIA community 20:15 Happy Poly Moment Ivan called in with a HPM about kids meeting metamours 21:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Is it OK that I am feeling displaced by my metamour? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Announcements We complain about having to close the windows and turn off the fans in order to record when it’s 90 degrees out. J Also! We’ll be at Poly Dallas Millennium next month Minx learned how to moderate YouTube comments after posting her response video to Mayim Bialik to YouTube. Second Favorite Man poly country western ballad by Tight Pajamas will be our outro music. The music video is here, and you can purchase the song here. 6:30 Poly in the News David gives an audio review of The Secret History of Wonder Woman book about the polyamorous author and recommends it for those interested in comic books, feminism or the fight for birth control 13:30 we also discuss our reactions to the Wonder Woman movie 16:05 Three men in Columbia registered their poly marriage 17:15 Topic: I’m feeling displaced by my new metamour New to Poly is feeling pushed aside by her partner’s relationship with her new metamour, with whom her partner is exploring BDSM. She is feeling displaced because her partner is repeatedly canceling or changing her established chats in order to make plans with her new metamour. Is it OK to feel this way? Yes, it’s always OK to feel whatever you feel! Talk to your partner and own your shit—good job! Work on a shared solution together 25:00 Feedback Andy comments on episode 517 STIs for dummies on a situation in which HSV could be a more important issue—pregnancy AggieSez shares a comment on episode 488 Negotiating metamour meets, reminding us that the metamour gets a say in the timing as well, not just the couple! 31:00 Happy Poly Moment Diva called in with a happy poly moment about coming out to her kid! 34:20 Thank you! Welcome Abby as a new playmate and thanks Leadra in Germany for the $69 donation! 17:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Minx addresses Bialik's misconceptions about open relationships. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Announcements Lusty Guy’s My Swinging Origin Story 2:10 Topic: Responding to Mayim Bialik’s video post on open relationships A few weeks ago, Mayim Bialik made a video post about how she doesn’t get open relationships. Here’s my response video on YouTube and on Facebook (with 22,000 views already!) She has quite a few misconceptions! Here are the top six misconceptions I created a response video to clear up: Most primates are monogamous Not true! 97% of mammals are nonmonogamous. Among the primates, a few monkeys and one ape, the gibbon, are monogamous. Every other species is nonmonogamous. It’s all about the sex. She says she gets it’s not all about the sex, but then proceeds to spend six out of seven minutes talking about the sex. So… who’s making it all about the sex here? Male sexuality always equals promiscuity, and female sexuality always equals monogamy and lack of sexual interest. This isn’t about sexual dimorphism; it’s about people’s individual orientations. Male sexuality doesn’t equal promiscuity, and female sexuality doesn’t equal monogamy and a lack of sexual interest. In fact, did you know that, when approaching poly from the point of view of a couple, it’s usually the woman’s idea to open up? If a lifestyle wouldn’t work for me, it couldn’t possibly work for anyone else. Mayim talks about how relationships take time and energy, and she couldn’t imagine having enough focus for another partner in addition to her spouse and kids. Great! But, just as she chose how many kids she could bring into her life and love and care for, consenting adults also get to choose how many partners they can bring into their lives to love. Poly practitioners are at higher risk for STIs. Wrong! The people at highest risk for STIs are those who are uneducated about transmission methods, who prefer lying or cheating to honest communication and who don’t get tested regularly and share those results with their partners. In fact, STI rates tend to be lower among polyamorists because we educate and communicate without shame about STIs. People only practice polyamory because they are unhappy in their existing relationships. Wrong again! Well, OK. Sometimes this does happen. But most people practice polyamory, non-monogamy or relationship anarchy because it’s the truest expression of themselves. And by the way, not all non-monogamy starts with a couple. Plenty of people are solo poly. 9:45 Feedback on episode 518 A listener calls in to say that she was interrviewed for that NYT Magazine article and is glad her story wasn’t included with those who came to poly from cheating AggieSez chastises the journalist for not following journalism 101: not getting direct quotes from people who were not the married partners. If the whole premise is that other people are involved but you never interview or quote those partners, you’re leaving out a huge part of the story! She’s putting together a media guide for journalists wanting to cover poly! 14:40 Happy Poly Moment Free wrote in to share an HPM about helping out a partner’s sick kid. Parenting happy poly moment for the win! 17:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

A chat with podcaster and author Cooper S. Beckett about his new novel, Approaching the Swingularity. Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Announcements Lusty Guy’s My Swinging Origin Story 2:00 Interview: Cooper S. Beckett Cooper S. Beckett, long time host of the Life on the Swingset podcast, talks about his new fiction novel, Approaching the Swingularity. Our written interview blog post with Cooper about Approaching the Swingularity. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram. 23:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

A listener calls in from Japan to ask if one can be successfully poly if one is introverted.  0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Announcements Lusty Guy’s Swingtowns article on fighting fair Alan’s poly 101 article 2:20 Topic: Can you be introverted and poly? A listener writes in from Japan to ask if it’s possible to come across as anything other than lonely and desperate when you’re introverted and poly. Then he calls in a few weeks later to say that, after reading our books and listening to our podcasts, he feels GREAT and is good to go! Lusty Guy’s article on loving yourself first 14:15 Feedback Alex asked about my idea of improving the relationships I enter and what Lusty Guy and L would say Minx has improved their relationship? L’s list: L got a friendship with Minx, a cleaner house, international vacations, an active social calendar LustyGuy has more energy and has discovered the value of an attractive, organized space 25:15 Happy Poly Moment 29:45 Thank you! Thanks to anonymous, Kerstin and JA for becoming playmates and for donating to PW! 30:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Kevin Patterson and Ruby Bouie Johnson join the team to review that NYT Magazine article on open marriage from May 11. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Topic: That New York Time Magazine article In this unrepresentative 12,000 word article, New York Times Magazine chooses to show only dysfunctional poly couples and uses Kevin as The Token Black Guy. This is their more representative follow up article Kevin’s response post The Times Piece About Open Marriage Doesn’t Represent My Experience Ruby’s response post What the New York Times Neglected to See 25:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Jenn Stauffer of Utah Poly shares her insights on the testing and transmission of four key STIs 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Announcements and host chat I’ll be giving a talk on polyamory at Ignite Seattle on May 18. Keep an eye on the Poly Weekly Facebook page and Twitter account for the livestream if you’d like to watch remotely. 3:10 Topic: Jenn Stauffer of Utah Poly shares the key takeaways from her RelateCon presentation on The Sensible Slut, a review of the transmission and testing methods of the top four STIs: chlamydia, HPV, HSV and HIV. Contact her via Utah Poly. 28:10 Feedback Listener K writes in to talk about the newbie poly mistakes they made and to express gratitude at the educational materials PW provides so they don’t feel so alone! 30:05 Thanks Thanks to our newest anonymous PW Playmate! 29:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

An interview with Racheline Maltese, co-author of a new poly romance novel.  0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Announcements and host chat I’ll be giving a talk on polyamory at Ignite Seattle on May 18 For more information, read the Eight Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory ebook or paperback For a how to guide to setting up your new poly relationship, read Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up; for a guide to poly ethics, read More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert 8:30 Interview: Racheline, co-author of The Art of Three poly romance novel Racheline Maltese, co-author of the new poly romance novel The Art of Three with Erin McRae, talks about the process of writing a romance novel for poly folks. Racheline Maltese can fly a plane, sail a boat, and ride a horse, but has no idea how to drive a car; she’s based in Brooklyn. Erin McRae has a graduate degree in international affairs for which she focused on the role of social media in the Arab Spring; she’s based in Washington DC. Together, they write romance – often queer, often poly -- about fame and public life. Their work is currently available with, or forthcoming from, publishers including Cleis, Dreamspinner, Riptide, and Simon & Schuster’s Saga Press. As hybrid authors, they also independently publish. Like everyone in the 21st century, they met on the Internet.  Their website Buy The Art of Three here Follow Racheline on Twitter or on Instagram or Like their Facebook page Follow Erin on Twitter or on Instagram 28:30 Feedback Catherine gives feedback on episode 368 Metamour cock block—she was on the other side of a similar situation, and she is happy to hear the advice given! 33:45 Happy poly moment Meredith writes in with a sweet family happy poly moment 35:45 Thanks Thanks to Manfred and Natalie and welcome Stephanie to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 36:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Help! Compersion squicks me! Does it mean I'm jealous if hearing about my husband's dates disgusts me? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com Today’s cohost is Lusty Guy 1:30 Announcements and host chat New Dutch bank bunq commercial specifically targets polys! 5:15 Topic: help! Compersion squicks me! Lauren has been married to her husband for 24 years and non-monogamous (mostly swinging) for 12. Five years ago, she discovered he had cheated, and they worked through it. Now they date separately. And while he loves hearing what she does on her dates, but Lauren is grossed out even thinking about what he does on his dates. 15:30 Feedback Matthew writes in to say he tried the And then what? exercise to deal with jealousy/fear/insecurity but didn’t think he learned anything from it. 21:45 Happy poly moment A listener writes in with a happy poly moment of her triad going really well, metamours and all! 25:00 Thanks Welcome to Susan and Rachel, our newest Poly Weekly playmate subscribers! 25:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

How do I say "no" to a reasonable request from my partner? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com Today’s cohost is Kevin Patterson 1:30 Announcements and host chat Multilinking conference 3:45 Topic: how do I tell my partner no? Eva writes in to ask how to tell her partner no to a request. Her partner Lisa wants an additional date night each week, but Eva doesn’t feel she can give that and wants to take time to settle into her nesting relationship with Denise. How does she say no to Lisa?  9:15 Feedback Vir Modestus took issue with our advice in episode 507 How do I get control of my fears?, and even wrote up a blog post about his frustration with “you’re insecure” being used as a way to dismiss someone else’s emotional reponse. 23:15 Happy poly moment Kevin shares a happy family poly moment 24:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

If I'm dating a poly married guy, am I poly? Can he be my core relationship? If I want a core relationship, do I have to go back to being monogamous? Search our blog archives of all episode show notes at www.polyweekly.com 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com Today’s cohost is Lusty Guy 1:30 Announcements and host chat RelateCon was amazing! You should go next year! 5:45 Poly in the news Rethinking monogamy on CNN TV is finally starting to get polyamory right 10:45 Topic: does dating poly make me poly? A listener writes in to ask how to manage her self-identity as she is dating a man in a couple—what happens when she is ready to focus on a core relationship? Does she disclose her existing relationship? Break it off to pursue monogamy? Or can her sweetie be her core relationship? You got questions; we’ve got answers! 26:20 Thank you! Thanks to Spirit, and Craig for their donations! And welcome Blackbird, Fernando, Toby and Brenda to the Playmates! 28:50 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

My partner of seven months ghosted me. How can I avoid this in the future? Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com Today’s cohost is Kevin Patterson 1:30 Announcements and host chat Foropoliamor is in Spain June 16-18 2:30 Poly in the news I’m 90% honest; the 10% lying is why our relationship works A cultural moment for polyamory on NPR 14:15 Topic: how do I avoid ghosting? Listener Suzy writes in to ask how to avoid being ghosted (suddenly ceasing all communication with someone you are dating in lieu of breaking up)? 23:30 Feedback Michael gives some kind positive feedback! The Accessible Multi-linking and Polyamory virtual conference is coming up the first weekend in November 25:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Help! My metamour wants to post about her relationship on social media, but I'm in the closet, which means she must be, too. Who decides when I come out? Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com Today’s cohost is Lusty Guy 1:30 Announcements and host chat New ebook, No Dick Pics: Your Guide to Creating an Irresisitible Online Dating Profile for just $4.99 Do you love us? Tell a friend about us using #trypod (try this podcast) 4:25 Topic: who decides when I come out as poly? M writes in to ask: my metamour Nina wants me to be out as poly so she can post about her relationship on social media and is convinced that M is only not coming out so she can hold on to her primary status. What to do? 20:20 Feedback Alan wrote in to verify that yes, it’s usually the woman who asks for polyamory and to say he finds that Lusty Guy’s hedonism will give our opponents ammunition to use against polyamory Anonymous poly doctor writes in to give feedback on episode 499 Coming out to your doctor and how to talk to your doctor about poly and STI screenings 32:00 Happy poly moment Jodi shares a first public happy poly moment 33:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly-friendly; sex as cake; bias against bisexuals and polyamorists on online dating sites. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com, call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY or leave a comment on the show blog at polyweekly.livejournal.com

How is your sex drive?; new poly research; polyandry. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Show Notes are at polyweekly.livejournal.com. Thanks for listening!

Tokens; poly for pleasure; coming out to a potential vanilla mate; gay polys. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Thanks for listening!

A vampire podcast; STDs and Asperger's syndrome; celebrating bisexuality; privatizing marriage and marrying goats. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com. Check polyweekly.livejournal.com for Show Notes. Thanks for listening!

Coming up on this week's show: polyamory as a fetish; bein' poly in Texas; and Polyamory Weekly in the media. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or post a comment to the show blog at polyweekly.livejournal.com Thanks for listening!

Coming up on this week's show: more on dealing with jealousy and time constraints; the Loving More conference; and poly in the media. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or post a comment to the show blog at Polyweekly.livejournal.com. Thanks for listening!

Coming up on this week's show: more on MMF erotica, a poly conference and a short story by Stephen Elliott. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com. Show notes will be up soon at polyweekly.livejournal.com. Thanks for listening!

Coming up on this week's show: gay and poly in NYC; jealousy; poly-mono marriage; and MMF erotica. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or post a comment on the show blog at Polyweekly.livejournal.com. Thanks for listening!

Coming up on this week's show: Kinky Kollege, the Polyamory Weekly drinking game, unindicted co-conspirators, poly in the media, a Dutch threesome, earbud-worthy podcasts and a whole conference on the big J. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email me at cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-600-5677. Thanks for listening! 0:00-1:20 Introduction Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com 1:20-3:05 The PW drinking game Alien_sunset suggests the PW drinking game! 3:05-6:15 Kinky Kollege: Lolita Wolf's poly seminar Two things that struck a chord with me: first, if you have a strong emotion, make an agreement. Second, a bit of advice (from her, not me!): Live honorably, and let others do what they will. 6:15-18:15 Listener mail Dollfan comments about the film When Two Won't Do and minx puts out a call for positive poly films; MS writes in about labels and "unindicted co-conspirators;" brennustar talks about being poly and Christian; Kel writes in with a coming-out story, which encourages minx to recommend some Zen books for those who are so inclined: Nothing Special: Living Zen and Everyday Zen: Love and Work by Charlotte Joko Beck; B2 writes in about the benefits of PW for his own monogamous relationship and how much he's enjoying Radical Ecstasy from the Greenery Press 18:15-23:00 Polyamory in the media: comments minx discusses her first mainstream media interview; darkmane comments that we aren't persecuted enough to really ask for media attention 23:00-31:00 Polyamory in the media: NYT story, Foreign Policy article, first Dutch civil union New York Times short story from September 4, 2005 is Three Men and a Woman by Stephen Elliott. The article on www.foreignpolicy.com by Jacques Attali is Monogamy: Here Today, Gone Tomorrow. The article about the Dutch threesome forming a civil union is in the Brussels Journal 31:00-34:15 Earbud-worthy podcasts! Coloring Outside the Lines podcast by listener Takanami Sex with Emily, available at sexwithemily.com And my San Francisco buddy 5x5guy is just about to debut Queer Sex Weekly 34:15-35:15 Announcement: the Jealousy Conference Info on the Jealousy Conference in Berekly, CA, October 14-16, is available here. 35:15-end Wrap-up If you like the intro/outro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio. Tags: jealousy, media, podcast, polyamory  

Show Notes for Polyamory Weekly #21: Coming up on this week's show: indecent communication and the CDA, bumper stickers, that pesky mono to poly transition--how the hell do you do it??, swinging vs polyamory, and do you feel lucky? Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email me at cunningminx@gmail.com , or call the listener comment line at 206-600-5677. Thanks for listening! Like the intro/outro music? Check out the band at www.pacemakerjane.com! 00-2:30 Intro Adult disclaimer & scarleteen.com; upcoming Ohio Leather Fest and hopes of interview with Dossie Easton and Catherine Lizst 2:30-7:20 News Polyamory Weekly was mentioned on a CNET article! Violet Blue's Open Source Sex gets its props (RSS Feed, if you like, is: http://violetblue.libsyn.com/rss ). minx issues a call to her listeners for poly erotica--please send to me at cunningminx@gmail.com! Let's smut up the internet! And thanks to Amy Gahran of Contentious blog for her intelligent, well-spoken comment. 7:20-11:45 Listener mail: CDA rantings, by MissLala regarding censorship 11:45-14:30 Listener mail: Jack rants on "Decency" and the CDA 14:30-16:00 Listener mail: resources Brent writes in with resources to fight censorship: Electronic Frontier foundation www.eff.org Electronic Privacy Info Center: www.epic.org American Civil Liberties Union: www.aclu.org 16:00-16:50 Listener mail: Takanami writes in about sheep 16:50-18:20 Resource: poly-friendly bumper sticker Tacit, creater of xeromag.com, a great poly resource site, has created a cool poly bumper sticker on his Cafe Press site: www.cafepress.com/alternativelife 18:20-24:50 Listener mail: going from mono to poly when in a relationship 24:50-30:35 Listener mail: healing when poly doesn't work This one is painful to hear. 30:35-36:45 Poly vs swinging Peppermint's notes/thoughts on July 7 LJ polyamory vs swinging: here 36:45-end Some toughts on being lucky This intelligent rant is courtesy of tacit, who expressed so well the ideas of freedome of choice in our lives. Tags: olf, open source sex, poly weekly, swinging  

Ay. Just flew in from Tuscon, arriving home at 1:00 this morning; edited my little heart out on the plane until my battery died and finished up the post this morning. So forgive any tech difficulties; this was edited and posted on scant hours of sleep! Show Notes for Polyamory Weekly for August 2, 2005: In this week's show, more on the hotwife lifestyle, on being poly and living with herpes, one listener's story of coming out to children, why minx is fucking pissed off and how minx discovered that all her listeners were big perverts. 00-3:15 Intro & chat under-18 warning and re-direction to Scarleteen, Tuscon visit to fencert, teaser for upcoming interviews. Like the new intro/outro music? It's a band out of Ohio, Pacemaker Jane and the song, available for download through Garage Band, is called "Good Suspicion." 3:15-7:50 Listener mail: poly sexuality; living with hsv, hpv Demonicvinyl orc writes in about being poly and his own sexuality, plus dealing with hsv (herpes) and hpv (genital warts) in a poly situation. 7:50-9:00 Listener mail: more on the hotwife lifestyle TA provides links and more info on the hotwife phenomenon, including articles here and communities here. 9:00-14:50 Listener mail: one story of coming out to children Takanami and Imp share their stories of coming out to their kids. 14:50-15:45 Listener mail: a movie suggestion, "Closer" 15:45-23:30 The CDA is pissin' me off Freedom of Speech (not): Barbara Nitke and the case against the CDA. To donate: donate to fight the CDA , NCSF website, Barbara Nitke's website. 23:30-end Listener mail: most-downloaded episode? What's the most-downloaded episode? or "How minx discovered that her listeners were all pervs" & wrap-up. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email me at cunningminx@gmail.com. Thanks for listening, ya pervs! Tags: cda, hotwife, perverts, poly