Taking the Cynic Route

With a war glooming around the corner and the potential for chaos at every step, why not lighten the mood with some dick jokes and fart sounds? A trio of Jeff, Scott, and the Beer Can share tales of the past while analyzing the present. From Ukraine to Richard Nixon, from NASA Nazis to the un-cancellable Joe Rogan, we tackle all topics while getting hammered on Founder's Backyard Bastard. The State of the Union is strong, but our tolerance for political nonsense and craft beer is stronger. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE!

Resurrected from the depths of the dank basement, the gang is back. TTCR 2.0 is here with an episode that doesn't pull any punches. We finally see the results of Guinea John's ancestry DNA test, Beer Can Bill shares his love for the "Squad", and Scott figures out why GJ is obsessed with penis. A surprise guest breaks into the studio while recording and everyone thinks they are going to be murdered. So grab a ZagNut, cut your favorite pair of jeans at the waistband, and listen to this glorious episode of Taking the Cynic Route.

_Another powerhouse of an episode for our Golden 50th. We showered down knowledge and witty judgmental insight on your candy axes. No one in Hollywood or Washington D.C. was safe during this audio odyssey. We crap on people locally, nationally, and globally because the trio does not believe in discrimination. The Beer Can tells of his latest swinging experience with the misses while Scott fills us in on why Vince McMahon is the Genetic Jackhammer. We discuss the extinction of malls, Jeff's recent vacation to Florida and once again, the worst US presidents of all time. Woodrow Wilson is the Lebron James of terrible presidents. DOWNLOAD, SUBSCRIBE, LIKE, SHARE!! _

Another strong episode in the books for the trio at the octagon. Guinea Juan graces us with his presence for number 49, along with those Sicilian rants we all know and love. The Beer Can is in rare form as we pick apart Matt Gaetz, voter reform in Georgia, and corruption in Baltimore City. We go around the table and ask what three people, living or dead, we'd like to have over for dinner. Guinea Juan craps all over Tucker Carlson while BCB explains his hatred for Stuttering John from the Stern Show. This podcast is a wild ride and you'll get off confused, slightly nauseous, and strangely wanting more. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARRRREEEEE!!!!!!

The gang is back at the table. Scott is in studio with the Beer Can and the debauchery ensues. With a quick dip in the poo-litical cess pool, the conversation quickly gets hijacked by a walk down professional wrestling's memory lane. And then we dive right back into the dumpster fire that is politics. This show is like a fart in the wind, the stench knows no direction. We talk about the illusion of choice, the top 50 selling artists of all time, and Owen Hart's tragic ending. What more could you ask for? DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!

The boys bring it back to the studio and whip up another tantalizing talk of twisted topics. Guinea Juan shares his most recent treasures from his father's house of awesomeness while Beer Can Billy tells a tale of the stinkiest stogie this side of Dundalk. We cover politics, sports, music, the human experience of life in a trailer park. We do our annual critique of this year's "Rock and Roll" HOF nominees and find out that the Beer Can is a huge Dionne Warwick fan, who knew? Do yourself a favor, crack open a Founder's Backwoods Bastard, listen to this episode and forget about your troubles while we discuss our troubles. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE SHARE!

Oh how time flies. It's been a while since you've heard the boys around the octagon and like a fine wine, we're fruity and will stain your blouse. Guinea Juan is in the studio, at least most of him, bringing that West Coast charm while Beer Can Billy counters with his best East Coast meat head. An epic tale of the tape. We talk everything from the world falling apart to opposites in the universe. We discuss politics local and abroad while still making time for dick jokes and destroying Rolling Stone's newest Top 50 Album list. I like to think we're versitile. Listen for laughs, listen to learn, listen to pretend your having a conversation with other human beings like the good ol' days. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!

LEGENDARY! The Trio Nuevo strikes again with Jeff, Beer Can, and Scott makin' the magic happen for episode 45B (details inside). From Presidential COVID to doom and gloom come winter time. From "Truth or Dare" gone wrong to crapping your pants while trippin'. From prophetic album covers released on 9/11 to deep throatin' McDonald's soft serve. We have a little something for everyone. Beer Can Billy is still handing out fake scratch-offs and Sarah Huckabee Sanders is still killin' our boners. If this isn't the best thing you've listened to all week then John Podesta isn't the father of Chester Bennington. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE.

Like a fine bagged wine, we take a chug and slap this one on the pouch. Another phenomenal episode of TTCR in the archive, thanks to our special poo-litical pundit and comrade, Scott. Jeff and Beer Can Billy sit back and listen to the plethora of knowledge, ranging from U.S. Presidents to Professional Wrestlers, and those that overlap. We figure out the possible scenarios for the 2020 election, take a mini dive into the Adrenochrome /Epstein/Elite Pedophile ring conspiracy, and we jam out with our clams out to Ben Shapiro's favorite summer hit by Cardi B, WAP. The October Surprise is coming whether you like it or not , so you why not download this episode, grab a Victory Summer Love Ale, and listen to us solve the JFK assassination right before listing our favorite SNL cast members. You know who downloads this Podcast?...Your Mom. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!

The Guinea's back in TOWN! Jeff and Beer Can Billy welcome back John, in person, at the octagon. Bringin' the RUCKUS to that ASS. We cover all of life's nuance from buying a new vehicle, to near death experiences, to the best concerts we ever attended. BCB brought his bag of hate, Jeff puts on the tin foil hat for 9/11 talk, and Guinea Juan sings about his choad. We get a little poo-litical with Joe Biden's Breakfast Club gaff and then discuss waiting in between "nuts". Hours of nonsense to get you through your grind and make you question how you're spending your time. Ya better put on a clean pair of Underoos. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!

_The gang is back for another raucous round of bull slingin' banter. Beer Can Billy throws caution to the wind and jumps back in the octagon while Guinea Juan joins us online. Bruce's whereabouts are still unknown for those keeping score at home. We discuss our new daily routines and lifting the lockdown here in Maryland. Some strong opinions of Larry "The Hog" Hogan are shared in between Soprano's quotes and Pro Wrestling memories. Some interesting Youtube videos ask the hard hitting questions like, "Does Michelle Obama have a Dong?" and "Is Sue Simmons gonna have to Slap a Bitch?" We talk about family histories, ancestors, and weird Uncles in the basement. There's too many topics to go on about and too much legal weed to remember them all. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE. _

Another quarantined episode in the book. Sad to see a milestone like number 40 being done streamed with one guy at the octagon, one guy fumbling with his mic from his basement 5 miles away, and one guy from his garage/cavern 3,000 miles away. But we made it work. In fact, we made up for the garbage sound quality with the quality of our content. Just kidding. No intro, just three hours of the route that is cynic. We gots deadlines to keeps. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE._

_The only thing the world needed more than a global pandemic was a four hour long episode of this hot garbage. But here it is, for your ear's delight. Jeff mans the octagon while Beer Can Billy and Guinea John connect via the internets. We go deep into the history of both the Guinea and BCB, where no stone is left unturned. We reminisce about old Howard Stern episodes, our past musical performances, and some classic sports memories. BCB gives us a quaran-tour of his basement and record collection. We talk COVID-19 conspiracies, our hairiest past sexual experiences, and we crap all over Bruce since he was the one who didn't show up this time. Sprinkle in a "Driving Miss Daisy" style handy and some casual racism and I think we have ourselves a show. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE. _

Hellooo fellow degenerates. The Trio welcomes back the brilliant, the hilarious, the deranged Scotty Monahan. After reviewing a new beer we go straight into the poo-litical talk where Scotty drops some knowledge. The coronavirus is taking over the world but that isn't stopping Beer Can Billy from getting his drink on or Bruce from defending Woody Allen to the bitter end. We discuss Pro-wrestling, Opie and Anthony, and that Raven's cheerleader who banged her son's friend. Corey Feldman's latest craziness creeps into the conversation along with Sleepy Joe Biden, Scott's famous Uncle Pat, and Billy Squire dancing like Guinea John at home alone on a Friday night. So many topics, so few characters allowed for description. Stay safe, keep your distance and never accept a scratch off from Beer Can Billy. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!

_The new trio welcomes Polack Johnny for some tales of the tail. We share fond(led) memories of Grandma's trailer. Beer Can Billy brings up some more past hijinks and heads our first live beer review. We discuss former Baltimore mayor and cartoon turtle, Catherine Pugh, Atlantic Star's "smash" hit "Secret Lovers," and still the baddest mofo on the planet, Mike Tyson. We reminisce about our first jobs, our first sexual experiences, and garbage celebrity "meet & greets." This one gets off the rails fast so climb aboard the train of terror. Listen now, before the Coronavirus takes your hearing. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE! _

Heeeeeere's Billy. Beer Can Billy to be exact. We trade one guinea for another. After a long hiatus the gang is back with more nonsense than ever. The Beer Can tells about past pranks and recent vacations. He have a new Cottonelle Nad-vertisement to dissect, Harvey Weinstein's genitals are nowhere to be found, and Epstein still didn't kill himself. Donald Trump does a lap at Daytona, Bruce reads Yelp! reviews of the Westboro Baptist Church, and Joe Piscopo has always sucked. You get what you pay for here at the Cynic Route. Listen Up, Mutha F*@Ker$! SHARE IT LIKE IT'S THE CORONAVIRUS!

A very special episode of TTCR as we welcome back Guinea Juan after a brief sojourn overseas. The man himself steals the show with endless rants about airports and traveling, The Catcher in the Rye and Taxi Driver (again), sexy cousins and another visit from the ghost of Sam Kinison -- not to mention a major league, game-changing bombshell. So strap yourself in for some inappropriate laughs and some inappropriate touches, right here on Episode 35 of TAKING THE CYNIC ROUTE.

_Don't call it a comeback! It's been too long. Beer Can Billy joined the trio for this one a few weeks back and pushed the boundaries of offense. We reminisce about our summer happenings. BCB saw Billy Joel at Camden Yards, drove on the PA turnpike, took a ride on the Auto Train, and visited both the Flight 93 museum and the infamous Robert Kraft Rub-N-Tug parlor. Guinea John made several trips across the globe. From Hawaii to Italy, from Baltimore to Washington, the travelin' Sicilian has added some miles. We discuss Genesis' "Illegal Alien" and its awful video, watch a compilation of a guy insulting wannabe porn stars, and read another fan email. Obscenities, stereotypes and chauvinism...par for the course when you take the route that is cynic. DOWNLOAD, SUBSCRIBE, LIKE, SHARE! It's cooler than the other side of the My Pillow. _

Hey, Vern! Grab some Eggs Erroneous and listen to episode 33 of TTCR. Our good friend and master of random, useless knowledge, Scott drops by the studio. A whole lotta movie talk in this one. We skim over the filmographies of cinema legends like Jim Varney, Dabney Coleman and Rip Torn. We discover every job Sean Connery has ever had revolved around getting laid. We also discover the Coen brothers are really good at making movies. Our new segment "Conspiracy Killers" kicks off with a discussion of the coming "raid" on Area 51 and the massacre to follow. There's movies, pop culture, politics...so much to unpack, you might as well just listen. Lap dances at Lawrence of A-Labia's are half off if you're wearing your "Taking the Cynic Route" gear. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE.

The Juice is loose this Summer on Episode 32 of TTCR. The trio chats up current events, locally and globally. Guinea John shares his recent agony of buying a new car. We check out O.J. Simpson's new Twitter account. The conversation turns a little poo-litical before we push our new merch page, as well as the limits of racially sensitive material. We look up some random Urban Dictionary terms, talk favorite natural disaster movies and, as always, end up talking about 9/11 and the CIA's involvement in social engineering. At the end of the day we're gonna get wiped off the earth by a mega-volcano shooting out tornadoes, so it doesn't matter anyway. Business as usual around the octagon. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE IT LIKE THE PLAGUE.

We got a dirty one for thirty one! The trio tackles all the juicy topics of early Summer '19. Guinea John kicks it off with an Italian cantata for the ages. We get politi-cooh while talking about the origins of the left and right wings. Guinea John defends Ayn Rand to the bitter end. A Canadian weekend away, John Waters on acid and a new piece of fan mail all make up the madness that is TTCR Episode 31. John Stamos eats yogurt, Kate Upton eats a burger, and Lyle Alzado eats steroids. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, AND SPREAD IT LIKE HERPES. www.takingthecynicroute.com

_TTCR hits another milestone as episode 30 comes out swinging. We are talking haymakers left and right. Polack Johnny is back in the saddle as the boys dish about everything from deep throating soft serve to hackin' off a hemy while spread wide like a bloomin' onion. If you've ever eaten finger blasters while at the pee trough, episode 30 is the one for you! DOWNLOAD IT TODAY. LISTEN TO IT WHENEVER. _

It's been too long! Episode 29 of TTCR coming at ya with a vengeance. Special guest "Beer Can" Billy shares some quality stories. From accidental childhood racism to jerking off while driving, we cover all angles. We surprise Guinea John with Chris Farley's death photo and reminisce about "Faces of Death." So many random topics and sound effects, there's too much to list. Grab a snack, sit back, and listen to those sweet, sweet Baltimore accents. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

Spring has sprung like Guinea John out of his seat when the drugs show up. Episode 28 starts off with some O's baseball talk and quickly enters the realm of farts and queefs. We dissect some more CUMmercials and pretend to know things about religion. The ghost of Sam Kinison makes his frequent appearance, we contemplate things we would crap on for $1k, and determine no one truly knows anything about the afterlife. "Thou shalt not thrust thy Oozinator toward thy neighbor." DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE! Check out our PATREON page for more patron only content.

_Welcome to the 27 club! The only things needed for entry are an abundance of drugs or a shotgun...or both. In this 27th episode of TTCR we dissect multiple NADverstisements to find the sexual innuendos. We reminisce about times we got in trouble in school. We discuss weird celebrity deaths, our grandparent's generations and their casual racism, and random movie body counts. The ghost of Sammy Kinison stops by again, again and Guinea John hits every tree in the forest. Listen up and you might even learn something. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE! _

You're gonna need your passport and your shots for this one. Episode 26 dives into the wet and the wild. From R. Kelly human trafficking from on stage in Ethiopia to Michael Jackson's monkey love. Guinea John is filling Solo cups with golden showers while Bruce is still crapping in the dark. You'll even learn which stall to choose in a public bathroom. So get your Jergens and your tissues ready for a fappin' good time. DOWNLOAD, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

We welcome back "Beer Can" Billy to the studio where everyone received an adult dose. From renting VHS porn to strippers shooting ping pong balls, this one pulls no punches. Probably the funnest and funniest to date, episode 25 explores everything. First time drunk stories, our adolescent lives of crime, R. Kelly bangin' kids again, Robert Kraft's handies, Obama's white half...this one has a little something for everyone. Crank up the perverted laughs for that long road trip and enjoy the route that is cynic. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

Celebrating one year of debauchery and douche powder. The gang at TTCR thanks our listeners for sticking with us, one offensive episode at a time. Not to be out done by its older siblings, episode 24 does not disappoint. We bounce from NFL conspiracies to Ted Bundy's resurgence. We talk blackface in pop culture, Burger King's subliminal messaging, and gross ingredients in your beauty products, just to scratch the tip of the racial iceberg. Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter...DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE!! Check us out on PATREON!

This Valentine's Day, love is not the only thing in the air. We've got Guinea John, decoder of subliminal sexual messages. We've got Bruce the human garden hose. We've got impromptu song writing, snapple cap facts, Bill hicks, the Super Bowl...the list goes on and on. Join the trio around the octagon for another brown-tastic good time. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

_Who's hungry for a delicious bowl of PORN flakes?! In Episode 22 we review the 2018 porn statistics courtesy of PornHub. We discuss hypothetical bear attacks and all the things America shoved up its ass in 2018. Sam Kinison drops by again, again. We talk Peter North, Porky's 2, and mourn a trio of D-list celebrity deaths. Starting the year off with a BANG! _

We found a gift behind the tree when we were taking down the hole-a-day decorations. That gift is episode 21. Guinea John is critical of KFC's yule log, Bruce tells us about Twister Key parties, and I took a massive dump just before recording. We discuss the 2019 Rock & Roll HOF, Godzilla porn, and Guinea John enlightens us to a new term, "shirt potatoes." Feliz Navidad can suck Dominick's donkey. Enjoy! DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE.

HAPPY HOLE-A-DAYS! On this joyous episode we discuss Bruce's holiday visitor, Guinea John's butt trumpet, and Hugh Hefner's buried porn treasure. "Chris Rock" stops by, we try out a few new segments, and reminisce about smell-a-vision. There's dookie in the coffee can, immigrants with facial scars, and GEICO is trying to give you a hard-on for insurance. Welcome to the wonderful world of TTCR. Download. Like. Subscribe. Share.

_On this mini masterpiece we touch a little bit of everything. From politics to baseball and Louis CK to the Star Wars Xmas special. We even dive into a conspiracy theory pinning John Lennon's murder on world famous author Stephen King. Honestly, there is just too much nonsensical hilarity to list so you might as well just download and listen. _

On this special episode (18) the TTCR gang welcomes back Scott Monahan to the studio. We dive into Mother's Day advertising, top songs/bands of the early 90's and different things we used for inspiration during adolescent "alone" time. A few awful Eric Clapton jokes, a discussion about John Wayne's poo and a heaping helping of 80's/90's movie discussions and you have yourself one helluva meal. LIKE, DOWNLOAD, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE. PS - Sir Mix-A-Lot > Mumble Rap

_This one is a humdinger of a good time. Dust off the ol' dick depot because we are talking TV shows then and now. The Banana Splits, The Wire, and GLOW to name a few. Guinea John explains his hatred for both Larry King and Thomas Edison. Bruce explains how hashtags work and how his car does not. Lots of discussion about abortion and Roe v. Wade which then evolves into us just listing euphemisms for genitalia. Diane Keaton drops by with a few lines from The Godfather and we discuss our favorite Vietnam War movies. I love the smell of roast beef in morning! Download, Like, SHARE, and SUBSCRIBE! _

_We dive deep into the mayhem on this one. Guinea John had just returned from a trip to Dallas which led to some discussions on flying, the JFK assassination, and another impersonation of Sam Kinison. Bruce leads another movie tangent ranging from Cocktails to The Deer Hunter and we reminisce about some celebrity crackpots. The Orioles still suck, the Fabulous Thunderbirds are still Tuff Enuff and the Mad Pooper is still at large. Taking the Cynic Route is like a box of Chocolates, fat people love us. Download, Like, Share, and SUBSCRIBE! _

We welcome Beer Can Billy into the studio to share stories and opinions in that sweet, thick, terribly authentic Baltimore accent. We talked about gross people in public, Orioles baseball, and social media's impact on public opinion. We talked about the scandals of the day which were Rosanne Barr, NoFx singer's "off color" quote, and a wealthy televangelist who needs a 4th private jet. Bruce defends Woody Allen to the bitter end and Blowfly and An@l C^%t compete for best song titles. Even more topics than I can keep listing so just listen to it already. Download, Like, Share, and SUBSCRIBE. Check out the Ol' Patreon for Patron Only Content!

Scott Monahan drops by and spews his knowledge about. Guinea John reads about Incels. Bruce quotes "Last Tango in Paris" for us. We discuss Pro Wrestling, Joe Pesci, Martin Scorsese's career, The Lion King, Star Wars, Opie and Anthony. We talk about the worst movies we've ever seen and tell some awful, tasteless jokes. You guys are gonna love it! Download, Like, Share and Subscribe. GET ON THAT PATREON DAWG!

Lucky No. 13 leaves no stones unturned and no laughs unheard. We discuss the horrible movie "Overboard," reminisce about wrestling, Mike Tyson, and O.J. Simpson. Guinea John stereotypically brings up "My Cousin Vinny" and Bruce brings up a list of the greatest baseball movies of all time. We look into the cursed script of "Atook the Eskimo," share the best methods for hiding a fart, and for those of you hardcore enough to make it to the end, we sneak in another public poo story. Download, Like, Share and SUBSCRIBE. www.takingthecynicroute.com

Welcome to another fun-filled episode. Our guest, Polock Johnny shares some new poop stories. Guinea John rants about the Full House Hydra and MASN, once again. Bruce reminisces about his days working at the video store. We talk Easter, old school comedians, best tit shots of 80's film, Stephen King, and Redd Foxx stops in to share some of his best one-liners. Be Kind, Rewind.

This one is a grower not a shower. We kick it off with some travel talk which evolves into air disasters and naturally, 9/11. Robo-bees, drones, Lawnmower Man, and words that sound racist all make appearances in Episode 11. Sam Kinison, Antibiotics, Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding, celebrity net worths, Bruce's deep desire to piss on animals, this episode has it all! Download, Like and Share, Taking the Cynic Route. Check out our Patreon for secret shows. Subscribe to any of our social media accounts, Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. www.takingthecynicroute.com

We answer our first fan email from our first Patron! Sean asks about our opinion of Genesis, the plight of the banana and our other favorite podcasts. Guinea John asks if the news "spectrum" is purposefully dividing the people. We reminisce about our best prank calls, whether or not "Catcher in the Rye" creates hitmen, and for $5K Guinea John will give you a show to remember via Skype. Pony up that dough, Download, Like and Share.

In this episode we tap into the very wide shallow well of our intellects. We go from Cleveland talk, celebrity net worths, and then somehow to the origins of square dancing in gym class. We go over a list of the whitest white people things, touch on some Spielberg and Zemeckis films, and look at an obscene statue of St. Dominique in Australia. We reminisce about wind storms in the area, bitch about losing power, Guinea John declares his love for Billy Jack, and Bruce tells us why technology is making us dumber. So Download, get dumberer, Like and Share.

_We have our first in studio guest, Polock Johnny. We start off with some poo stories and then we get poolitical. We talk immigration, mass shootings, gun rights, and top it all off with the Mandella Effect. Do YOU remember the sweepstakes company Ed McMahon worked for? I bet you don't...Download, Like, and Share. _

Vacation over. Back to our cynical selves in episode 7. We discuss everything from an old racist encyclopedia to service animals. Bruce goes over a terrible"90's" list, we reminisce about past McDonald's menu items and Guinea John gives us his best Chris Rock. Download, Like, and Share.

We go over a Podcast Pet Peeve list and then go into our very own pet peeves. Guinea John hates loud motorcycles, Bruce hates telemarketers, and Jeff hates protests. But we all love a good AC song. wink

We talk a lot about driving in this one. We look at a traffic pet peeves list, we discuss legalizing ganja, and reminisce about the terrible year, 2008. Buckle up because things get bumpy on the PA Turnpike.

On this episode we take an Australian slang quiz, watch an exorcism video, we talk about competitive eating, we link 9/11 to the New England Patriots, and Guinea John questions historical assassinations. Go ahead, give it a listen...

On this episode we discuss how KISS is garbage, how Dukes of Hazard Uncle Jesse is superior to Full House Uncle Jesse, eating healthy and how we know nothing about potassium, the end of Kevin Spacey, and Pulp Fiction vs Reservoir Dogs.

We discuss the vulnerabilities of balls, Bruce's trip to the 3D movie marathon, Guinea John's deep seeded hatred for Bon Jovi, and Jeff's colonoscopy. Yum, who wants dessert?

We discuss personal poop stories, cirque du soleil, the origins of raspberry flavoring, italian stereotypes, sci fi versus fantasy, and we get way too personal with some butt health.