True North with Abby & Ryan

***We are aware the audio quality of this episode is terrible. It is what it is.***This is the episode that started it all. We met up for coffee for one of our usual amazing conversations, and decided to put my phone on the table to record the whole thing, to see if we could pull off something podcast-like.Production-wise? Hard no.Content-wise? Hell yeah.If you're able to churn through this one, head to S1E1 and listen to us debrief this very recording, sometimes even playing back parts of it to discuss in further detail.And in silence. With decent microphones.Enjoy! Or don't. That's your business.Abby & RyanTIME CODES:12:00 - Is it lazy to not do the rounds? Or is it self care?14:00 - Abby says Ryan needs to have compassion for himself16:20 - Ryan bullies himself into doing what he needs to do. Self imposed rigid structure18:45 - Ryan gives example of time his bosses had a conversation with him that could have been troublesome, but I stayed in my business and recognized the comedy. I had no need for them to see my side of the story23:40 - Abby: What did you do to be able to do that?24:00 - Ryan: I stood up for myself in my marriage, and whatever it took for me to work up the ability to do that, poured into everything25:45 - Ryan: I gave myself permission to be what I am apart from what they are.26:30 - Ryan: The boundary I was looking for was where I end and the world begins.27:30 - Abby: You got out of your own way and started staying in your business.28:28 - Abby's hysterectomy idea31:00 - Ryan's peeing in car story34:30 - Abby talks about the lizard brain36:15 - Ryan's work example, filtered through that lens38:45 - Life is practice42:45 - Your body is your brain45:00 - We don't fault people for not having learned this - it took me 11 years of marriage46:00 - Ryan doesn't think he has empathy48:00 - Abby and Ryan talk about moving forward toward growth and their fears of going back58:00 - Standing up for yourself59:45 - Wet hair1:03:00 - Woke people recognize woke people, but stay with the muck people1:08:00 - Muck people1:15:00 -  Compassion vs growth1:20:00 - Ryan's dad was never satisfied with his own growth1:27:45 - Social norms around complements. I SEE YOU HUMAN, social normsBathroom Breaks1:43:36 - Living in your truth can attract attention1:50:00 - We name the podcast

Abby & Ryan debrief the entire 83-episode run of the True North Podcast, and then send each other off with gratitude, love, and a splash of nostalgic sadness.  Seriously. Thank you all. Thank you for being on this journey with us, for watching us grow, and growing alongside us. We added the "with Abby & Ryan" to the title so that you could find our podcast amidst all the other "True North" podcasts out there, but really, it's always been with Abby, Ryan, and YOU. So thank ya for bein' there, thank ya for lovin' us.  With Gratitude, Abby & Ryan  Also, RYAN WROTE A BOOK!!! Gummy Bears for the Soul: A Collection of Life Lessons That Are Easy to Swallow But Hard to Digest as Told Through A Cacophony of Stories About My Dad That Are Definitely All True*Launch Party link (available until 11:59pm CST March 20, 2022):  https://forms.gle/8ZujaeYnuGW5rnEFA  TIME CODES: 4:37 - Our favorite episodes 14:54 - Our biggest takeaways 30:47 - Our most cringeworthy moments38:09 - What surprised us the most41:32 - What we'll fill this time with now51:10 - What we'll do next   GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that Ryan said "yes" to the podcast, and for doing everything he did to make it happen and keep it going.Ryan is grateful that Abby said "yes" to meeting every morning to read the Bible together when they worked at the Y. MODEETS:Join Ryan's tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeStalk us at truenorth11.com

Ryan is a second-born middle child. Anyone who puts stock in birth order dynamics just learned a lot about Ryan from those two pieces of information.In this episode, we interview his older brother Brandon, who has lived in Japan for the past several years. We start by discussing the differences between American and Japanese culture, and what it was like to pack up their entire lives into 16 bags and move across the ocean."I am a specific person. I have specific gifts and abilities that are unique to me, and I also have limitations that are also unique to me, and this does not detract from who I am as a person or the types of things that I can hope for. But it does mean that I need to be able to be realistic about the times that I can help and the times that I can't. Because if I can't be realistic about that, then I'll hamstring the impact that I could be making, in favor of the impact that I can't make. So in the end it became a process of, 'Let's not make it anything; let's just see it.' ""People use their head to establish the direction and their heart for the method, when really it should be the other way around.""It's not about understanding the truth; it's about understanding your place within it.""You're looking to your insecurity voice for validation, when you should be looking to it for growth imperatives. It's not telling you wrong, you're listening wrong.""We want people to get to know us, not contextualize us.""I don't have to understand why they do what they do, to accept that that's what they do."TIME CODES:5:30 - Downsizing life12:11 - Getting our dad back17:26 - Father wounds and childcare workers27:12 - The tension between our desire to help and the limits of our helpfulness41:51 - Japan Brandon vs. America Brandon45:01 - Addressing the problem vs. solving the problem59:00 - Feeling like a foreigner in your own landGRATITUDES:Brandon is grateful that his collection of hard-earned life lessons can and will be passed down to his kids as just the way the world works.Abby is grateful for the roles Ryan and Brandon have played in her own self-actualization journey.Ryan is grateful for his brother for modeling what it looks like to "run his lap" of parenthood.  MODEETS:Join Ryan's tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

**SORRY FOR RYAN'S WEIRD SOUND QUALITY**Ryan is hung-up on people perceiving him as credible, and is therefore hesitant to openly admit to how woo-woo he is. His concern is that there are people out there who blindly trust in things with no solid reason, and so when he opens up about trusting them as well, he'll be lumped in with the non-critical thinking masses who will believe unfounded things with very little scrutiny or need for compelling evidence.He does energy healing but is skeptical of Reiki practitionersHe uses crystals but distances himself from the "crystal people"He uses essential oils but hates when people treat them like cure-alls and replacements for medical careHe's open to astrology but thinks horoscopes are bullshitHe actively manifests but hates The Secret and dismisses the Law of Attraction peopleHe reads Tarot but is skeptical of most Tarot practitionersHe uses numerology but judges others and himself for giving it any credence at all He doesn't not believe in reincarnation, but definitely doesn't put stock in any existing belief system about reincarnationBasically, he believes in woo-woo stuff only after throwing all the skepticism and scrutiny he possibly can at it, and seeing that it still stands. AND, he only trusts other people who also meet the spiritual with heavy doses of skepticism. In this episode, we unpack that.And then we also talk about manifesting.TIME CODES:22:39 - Manifesting39:29 - The realities we live in are the ones we create44:20 - Health and unhealth as consequences of the mindGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that this recent snowstorm gave his toddler a much needed change of scenery.Abby is grateful that this recent snowstorm has reminded her (through her son) about the value of simplicity. MODEETS:Join Ryan's tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

What is trust, really? In the first 20 minutes, we settle on this loose definition:Trust is about safety. You know what needs to be put in place for you to feel safe.If you feel the need to put them in place yourself (because if you don't, you won't be safe), that's the antithesis of you trusting someone.If you believe the other person will/has put those things in place on their own (such that you don't feel the need to do it yourself), that equals you trusting them. Where do you place your trust, and why do you place it there?  Reasons Ryan has extended trust in the past (which isn't the same as trusting them):Conflict aversion. If I tell someone I don't trust them, they'll take it as me questioning their character, may become offended, and might hurt me. So I've extended trust to people I didn't trust, to avoid conflict.Outsourcing self. I know that I'm not trustworthy my default. Just like love, respect, value affirmation, etc., if I find something lacking within myself, I look for others to affirm it for me. I wanted people to trust me to compensate for my lack of trustworthiness, and the best way to get trust is to give it. One component of Tribalism is Implied Trust - meaning, it can be assumed that anyone in a given tribe has a certain set of things in common. So, if you vet people's trustworthiness based on certain characteristics, and you find they belong to a certain tribe, that one piece of information implies a whole collection of boxes you could reasonably check in the "do I trust them" checklist (i.e. if you're in my tribe, I find you more trustworthy because it's assumed that the characteristics of people in my tribe are things I've found trustworthy).  When someone knows you well and loves you well, it doesn't occur to them to get offended at the prospect of you being who you are.If they love you well but don't know you well, they love a nonexistent version of you that only exists in their head, such that the idea of being your true self can seem like a threat to the relationship.If they know you well but don't love you well, they likely harbor some level of attachment to you becoming the version of you they imagine they would love more. TIME CODES: 13:17 - Why Ryan extends trust 24:00 - Tribalism and Trust 29:19 - Trust yourself most 42:04 - How is success in relationship defined? (spoiler, it's not longevity)  45:04 - ANNOUNCEMENT: This is our last season! 57:18 - Ryan epiphanizes the idea of extending too much benefit of the doubt   GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for the editor/illustrator who worked on his first book with him.Abby is grateful her dogs, for teaching her patience and empathy, and also for giving her a new form of connective stillness practice.    MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Do you ever notice that you seem to have done personal growth that you have no recollection of actually doing on purpose? Abby says no. Hah. It's more probable your values shifted and you just care less now about things you cared a lot about before.Then we talk about a bunch of other stuff. Just listen to the episode and you'll get it all. Why do you even read these??TIME CODES:3:13 - Accidental Growth?14:48 - Awareness20:28 - Solitude39:35 - Updating our Paradigms49:00 - Love yourself the way you love your kidsGRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her recent opportunity to connect with her snowbird parents.Ryan is grateful for a conversation he and Abby recently had about the future of the podcast.   MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Reference points! We all have a core set of experiences that we use to contextualize all of our new and incoming experiences. In this episode we unpack why this happens and what we can do about it.  “The best predictor of a child's security of attachment is not what happened to his parents as children, but rather how his parents made sense of those childhood experiences.”  ― Daniel J. Siegel, Mindsight: The New Science of Personal TransformationAwareness. Learn what your reference points are, and recognize they're not set in stone.Understanding. Learn why those are you reference points.Acceptance. Release your "shoulds" around your reference points, and hold space for old ones to fade and new ones to emerge as you continue to return to your True North. Why don't we do this work??It's a lot of things to learn, which can make it seem daunting.It's not modeled for us, which can make it seem awkward and lonely.It requires veering from the script we were given, which can make it seem scary. The Catch-22: If you turn every moment into a self awareness/self understanding/self acceptance life lesson, you'll never get to actually USE the lessons you learn, which simply amounts to cultivating presence:  "We're doing all this work in order to remove obstacles to being present, but if we obsess over it, the work itself becomes the obstacle."  Tools for getting back into your body and cultivating presence:Go outside.Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can feel, 1 thing you can taste. With any kind of repetitive training, the act itself will yield small, measurable, direct results. But the consistency will yield large, immeasurable, indirect results. The point is to catch things you've been missing (reprogramming your reticular activating system). Then you start to catch epiphanies you've been missing as well: "We don't hear what people say; we imagine what they mean." ― Byron Katie, The Work GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her son, and how he teaches her at least as much as she teaches him.Ryan is grateful that his dad played his part in breaking a generational cycle of abuse.   MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Last week Ryan said in passing that he's bi. This week, we unpack that.When Ryan says he's bi, what he's saying is that someone's gender neither helps nor hinders his ability to be physically attracted to them. It's not that he discovered a new part of himself, but rather that he released the compulsory heterosexuality he was taught to internalize.If gender is nonbinary, then what's the difference between bisexual and pansexual?How does a married person explore their newfound sexual orientation?In an androgynous world where masculine/feminine expression was decoupled from genitalia, would any of the LGBTQIA+ identifiers have any meaning? GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that she has the honor of getting to watch a close friend blossom and grow.Ryan is grateful that he seems to have internalized the life lesson, "you don't have to do all the work all the time." MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Before people can talk about God, they need to define what they mean by the word "God."According to the Tao Te Ching, as soon as you define God, you're no longer defining all of what God is.So, all we can do is question and riff. That's what we do in this episode.Key topics:Can we know what God is?Can we separate God from religion?What is God without religion?What is religion without God? Experiencing God vs. Believing in GodMore topics:The tolerance paradox (re: preaching tolerance while not tolerating intolerance)How our belief in God helps or hinders our ability to be our best selvesSome people are their best selves when they believe in GodSome people are their worst selves because of their belief in GodThe other beliefs we attach to God (afterlife, sin/ethics, our purpose)If you believe God is a male, you believe gender is a matter of identity and not biologyIf you believe in hell and love people, you'll evangelize to literally everyoneThe need for systemic reformRyan's favorite quote about God:“As a man who has devoted his whole life to the most clearheaded science, to the study of matter, I can tell you as a result of my research about the atoms this much: There is no matter as such! All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the particles of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system of the atom together. . . . We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.”-Max PlanckQuote about scripture vs. experience:"When the bird and the book disagree, trust the bird."-James AudubonAbby & Ryan land on the idea that we are all different fingers on the same hand, and what we call "God" is the palm. Or, we are all different branches on the tree, and what we call "God" is the trunk. GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that he's developed the tools to process the hard lessons he's learning right now.Abby is grateful for her Methodist upbringing.MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

We live in a culture of "positive" and "negative" emotions, which really comes down to emotions that we're uncomfortable feeling/seeing, and ones we're comfortable with. In this episode, we unpack this framework.There are certain situations where certain emotions are deemed appropriate or inappropriate. But why? People's comfort. Why are they uncomfortable with some emotions? Because they weren't taught to deal with those emotions themselves.Parenting - when it's hard for us to deal with our kids' expression of "difficult" emotions, we do well to check our "why's." Do we want to shut down their behaviors just because our parents shut down those behaviors in us? Give them "good" ways to communicate and articulate their interiors, rather than shut down the "bad" ways they default to.Do you emotions define you?Who is the "you" in question? Your soul/essential self, or your constructed personality?What is your personality?A conglomeration of the life lessons you came here to learn?A mask you created to cope with your childhood dynamics?What do you do once you've identified the nature of your personality?You can have a fixed mindset: "This is who I am, and it's who everyone should expect me to be from her on out."You can have a growth mindset: "This is a reflection of my story thus far, but doesn't define the story I have yet to write."How do you cultivate personality growth?Ryan constantly checks himself in the background and examines patterns when he notices them.Abby has an intentional monthly check-in practice.Moving from victimhood to empowermentSelf compassion is a prerequisite to self forgiveness.Forgiving yourself is a prerequisite to forgiving others.Forgiving those in your past is a prerequisite to breaking the cycle in the future.Forgiving your parents keeps you from repeating their patterns.Also, we're all connected. The past several generations of trauma are on our shoulders.TIMECODES:4:21 - Question of the episode14:05 - Emotional expression and parenting20:24 - Do your emotions define you?29:01 - What to do with your personality type34:46 - Shifting from victimhood to empowerment43:33 - Generational trauma GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for the people in her life who reminder her how to be.Ryan is grateful for a rock he found in a graveyard.  MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Abby brings the questions and we ruminate on True Northy stuff."Forgive and forget" needs to be replaced by "Forgive and set boundaries." It's less catchy but man does it work better."An eye for an eye" (e.g. death penalty for murderers) is a terrible way to handle wrongdoing."My job in the life of those I love is to make it safe for them to find their own way, without any undue pressure from anyone - including me."  -Ryan's Uncle"Insist on yourself." -Ralph Waldo Emerson"All your time is free time; you're always free to do what you please. Sometimes, what pleases you most is fulfilling your commitments or taking care of others." - Ryan's Spirit GuideWhat's something from today you'd like to take into tomorrow? That's what you're grateful for.TIME CODES:3:13 - Which is more important: Actions or Intentions?6:11 - Which is more important: Justice (accountability & boundaries) or Forgiveness?21:14 - Kellsterrrrrrr heard "Bowser"21:39 - Can empathy be taught?50:50 - Who is your Wayfinder?  GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that he burned his hand with 400-degree bacon grease.Abby is grateful that she's able to teach educators about the true power of gratitude. MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

The game is simple. Ryan rolls 5 dice, and both of them reveal what they would say if they could talk to the people they were at the age shown on the dice.Also Ryan can't #math.AGES:2:48 - Age 1713:00 - Age 2324:29 - Age 1242:22 - Age 15Fun twist ending: Look yourself in the mirror and tell your present self all the things you told these past versions of yourself.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that she went through darkness by which she can understand the light.Ryan is grateful for the people who have responded well to him bringing stuff up he was worried would start fights.MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com✨

 There's no such thing as "Capital-T Trauma." Emotional trauma is simply any experience that drives us to deny parts of ourselves for the sake of staying safe.Alexithymia (not feeling our feelings) can be attributed to trauma: we have experiences that drive us to close and lock doors in our "mansions of self," but in doing so, we lock away our access to the emotions attached to those experiences. Can we change??Conditioning/programming? Ryan says no, Abby says yes. Ryan eventually says maybe.Actions/behaviors? Abby & Ryan agree that we can absolutely change those.Nature vs. Nurture. The stuff we can change is nurture, but we mistake a LOT of nurture stuff for nature stuff.The Transtheoretical Change ModelPre-contemplation (unconscious incompetence) - Grief: DenialContemplation (conscious incompetence A) - Grief: AngerPreparation (conscious incompetence B) - Grief: BargainingAction (conscious competence) - Grief: DepressionMaintenance (unconscious competence) - Grief: AcceptanceWhen you're an adult working through this cycle, your inner traumatized child has already gone through it (the trauma was the first change cycle), and is in maintenance mode. The change cycle you go through as an adult is the process of healing from the part of you that's in maintenance mode.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that Abby gave him clarity on his message during this episode.Abby is grateful for the people in her life who give her opportunities to practice choosing to be her best self.TIME CODES:3:00 - Body Tests7:15 - Alexithymia & Trauma18:21 - Can people really change?45:40 - The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change    MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**  "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"  Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST  $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses  ----------------** 'NOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is leaving the True North Tribe** ---------------- Following your True North means frequently realigning to make sure you're still headed toward your True North. This can mean letting go of things that served you when you started them, but which don't serve you now.   When reevaluating your commitments/agreements, ask yourself WHY you made them, and WHY you're still choosing to keep them. Ideally......you'll say yes to things only because they align with you....you'll say no to things only because they don't align with you.If the answer is something else, ask yourself if you really need to continue keeping that commitment, and ask what it would look like to leave it behind and create space for things that are more aligned with you.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her father-in-law.Ryan is grateful that Abby continues to show up with her raw self.   MODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!** "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor" Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses  ----------------'Nother announcement: Ryan's audio is still bad. Boo.----------------Question from a Tribe member: "Perhaps censorship is when you feel forced to censor you speech/actions from an external source (like someone else is shutting you down) and a boundary is when you choose for yourself not to engage?"  Censorship is controlling what others are allowed to put out.Setting boundaries is managing what you allow yourself to take in.Boundaries aren't a control mechanism because people always have the option to ignore them. No one is being robbed of their autonomy."No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleanor RooseveltGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for our newest tribe member, whose timing represents a fresh start in his mind.Abby is grateful for the people in her life who are willing to tell her how they feel, even if they anticipate she won't react in love and light.TIME CODES:1:11 - Question of the episode6:56 - Boundaries in relationships20:45 - Why boundaries aren't censorship28:58 - When is it okay to censor people?44:19 - Is it toxic or are you just offended?  MODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses----------------Also, Ryan's audio is bad cause computers and software are rude.QUESTION: a) What's a part of yourself you have difficulty accepting? b) What part of yourself do you have no problem accepting?RYAN: a) The parts of me that demonstrate I still have growing to do (TikTok example: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRCw1cxB/)ABBY: a) The part of me that has influence on others and makes a positive difference b) The part of me that's a pillar of strength for those going through difficultyHow do we balance between meeting people where they are and letting them be where they are on their own personal journey, and speaking up to create a world you believe is in everyone's highest good? One seems to demand staying out of other people's way and releasing what's out of our control, and the other seems to demand exerting control over others if we perceive they're headed toward harming themselves or others. Where do we draw the line in terms of imposing our "shoulds" on others to prevent them from causing harm?"The shortest distance between two people is a story" -Patti DighGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for Cathy Cassani-Adams' new book, Zen Parenting: Caring for Ourselves and Our Children in an Unpredictable World. Pre-order here: https://found.ee/ZenParentingAbby is grateful that we live in a world where all these social justice conversations are even happeningTIME CODES:1:43 - Question of the Episode5:54 - Men making the world unsafe for women23:55 - Abby pokes at why Ryan spoke up43:03 - Start with your story and go from there  MODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses----------------In this episode, we talk about GUILT.“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves — at what we did or did not do.” — Peter McWilliams"Guilt is something abusers use to control you." — a True North Tribe memberDefining our terms:Regret: "I dislike that the past is what it is."Remorse: "I dislike that I contributed to someone else's suffering."Guilt: "Someone else dislikes what I did/am doing/want to do."Guilt = a "should" + not being here (someone else's business) AND/OR not being now (past actions or future plans)Antidote to guilt: mindfulness, presence, staying in your business.Your brain is always working to figure out how to systematize life so that it can run on autopilot as often as possible. You can shift your autopilot into a habit of asking yourself if you're being your best in this moment.Need a nervous system reset? Leave the environment, move your body, wash your hands.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful people and organizations who are here to help others through the challenges of going through suicide and childhood cancer.Ryan is grateful that the pro-women's rights folks in Texas are exercising their own power to build the world they want to live in (re: Texas SB8 and the women's march coming up on 10/2)TIME CODES:7:51 - Topic: Guilt11:39 - Regret vs. Remorse vs. Guilt14:14 - Q: Is guilt possible if we're in our own business?25:21 - Mommy Guilt & Patriarchy46:45 - Body work to re-centerMODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com

**MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is on TikTok @indigoabby****SECOND MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses----------------In this episode, we dig into what emotional maturity means, and venture into discussing emotional regulation and relationship dynamics.Do you come from a place of victimhood or empowerment?Do you own your own shit?Do you own other people's shit?Are you in the habit of being aware of your emotional situation?When someone triggers you:Own that the fact that YOU'RE offended has everything to do with YOU (someone else could've experienced the exact same thing and not been offended). You can do that work with yourself without any participation/requirement from them.Understand that if they MEANT to hurt you, they have their own wounds that THEY need to heal. They can do that work with themselves with no participation/requirement from you.You can each be a part of each other's healing process IF you are BOTH willing AND able.If you want to know what you're here to learn, look at what your parents suck at.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for BECCA CHOATEAbby is grateful that her sister Sarah is in town!!1:27 - Abby's on TikTok!4:34 - Q: What does "Emotional Maturity" mean to you?24:35 - Emotional Regulation37:14 - Real-life examplesMODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com

QUESTION: Can you operate in victim consciousness AND be in your True North simultaneously?Drama Triangle —> Empowerment TriangleVictim / Persecutor / Rescuer —> Creator / Challenger / CoachYour "True North Self" is not some unassailably healthy version of yourself; it's the version of yourself that:Notices when you're operating in victim consciousnessCompassionately meets yourself where you areRegularly reorients yourself toward your True NorthHow do you move from victimhood into health?Ryan - Realize that it's a better situation for you and everyone around you when you're in health, just as it's a worse situation for you and everyone else when you're not.Abby - Get out of your head and into your body, move around, be outside, breathe, and reset your nervous system.HRV - Heart Rate VariabilityWHOOP Your Way (https://shop.whoop.com/products/whoop-your-way-kit/) gives you real-time feedback on the state of your nervous system.HeartMath emWave2 (https://store.heartmath.com/emwave2/) helps you train yourself to use breathwork to bring your nervous system into coherence using HRV feedback.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for the mess in his office that resulted from his toddler playing in there while he worked throughout the week.Abby is grateful for gratitude (that's not cheating, it's meta)TIME CODES:8:46 - Drama Triangle exercise27:51 - What moves you from victimhood to health?36:27 - HRV tracking & training54:05 - ABBY'S GONNA MAKE A TIKTOKMODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

We're switching it up to 10-episode seasons with 2-week breaks between, for the foreseeable future.QUESTION: How are you a different person now than you were at the end of last season?Abby - Learned the importance of restRyan - Accidentally became an influencerCan we make progress without setting goals? Yes. Set intentions instead, and stay in the present, meeting yourself with acceptance and compassion.As we grow and change, it's helpful to assess our goals, values, and definitions, to make sure they grow up with us. If they served us then but don't serve us now, and we don't realize that, pulling ourselves towards those values and definitions becomes a step back, not forward.Drama Triangle —> Empowerment TriangleVictim / Persecutor / Rescuer —> Creator / Challenger / CoachGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that we came back for season 2!Abby is grateful for the resting she did over the break.TIME CODES:5:17 - Question of the episode11:52 - Ryan's foray into TikTok30:24 - Are we making progress?44:35 - Abby digs deeper: Authenticity55:30 - Parenting and ModelingMODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Dream analysis is a powerful tool to investigate your interiors. And the best part is, your beliefs about the nature of dreams (random meaningless neuron firings, astral projection, everything in between) have no bearing on how useful this practice can be. It's less about what a dream is and what's "really" happening when we dream, and more about what we do with our dreams in our waking hours. Here's the tool:Narrate your dream in as much detail as possible.Identify symbols (you decide what they are).Become each symbol long enough to answer these two questions:What are three words that describe you?What is your function / how are you here to help?Re-narrate your dream, replacing the concrete name of each symbol with language referring to the descriptors and function.Investigate which parts of your waking life are being represented by these symbols.Consider how the symbols show up in the dream, and how they fit into / influence the narrative.By now, you've probably already made all the connections you were meant to.This is the end of Season 1! We'll be back in the Fall. We love you all.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that this podcast even happened.Abby is grateful for cancer. Yes, really. Just listen. TIME CODES:9:00 - Ryan recounts the dream.15:35 - Abby walks Ryan through the symbols.36:30 - Ryan retells the dream.48:15 - Abby & Ryan analyze the dream.MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Visiting the past and future in healthy ways:Visit, but don't live thereBe mindful of what you bring back to the presentWhat to bring back from the Past: Gratitude.What NOT to bring back from the Past: Remorse, Regret, Self-Judgment, Rumination.What to bring back from the Future: Open-Minded Anticipation.What NOT to bring back from the Future: Fear, Controlling Motivations, Baseless Projection.Regret: "I'm suffering the consequences of what I did."Remorse: "You're suffering the consequences of what I did."If you're habitually in the past/future and being present takes effort, it's probably best for you to stay out of the past/future;If you're habitually in the present and visiting the past/future takes effort, it's probably safe for you to visit the past/future.MINDFULNESS IS A GREAT WAY TO CULTIVATE PRESENCESingle-tasking is a great way to be mindful.There are not backward steps. Not in relationships, not in your own growth journey, not in potty training. Every step is a forward step: The thing you think you might be moving back to weren't built upon the foundation of everything that's happened in your life since then.Your mental/emotional/spiritual growth is not a straight line.You don't acquire tools - you just sequentially realize you've always had access to them (like owning DVD's vs. subscribing to a streaming service).Not using your tools doesn't mean you haven't learned how to use them.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her neighborhood community.Ryan is grateful that he's been recording his dreams. TIME CODES:1:30 - Healthy Past/Future13:46 - Regret vs. Remorse22:08 - Mindfulness and Singletasking28:42 - Moving BackwardsMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Ryan has recently gotten feedback in two of his close relationships, and we debrief how he's responded, both internally and externally.RSP (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) can come into play whenever we receive negative feedback. Perhaps you feel rejected by the other person, but it's also possible you reject yourself, and then react to that self-rejection. It's usually both.A process we settled on:When receiving the feedback, notice how you feel.Feeling defensive or hurt? Acknowledge the feedback, express gratitude for it, and step back to sort out your interiors.Ask yourself what you're afraid of, what you feel the need to protect/defend yourself from, and where in you those fears/impulses might come from.Use your tools. Reparent, self compassion, self acceptance, surrender to what is, become the observer, journal, take it to your therapist, take a walk and talk to yourself, you know the drill.Ask the forward-moving questions. What do you need to own? What's not yours to own? Do you need to make reparations? Is it in everyone's highest good to mend the relationship? Are you ready for that conversation? Are they?Check your motivations. Do you want to repair because disrepair is uncomfortable for you? Are you looking to escape feeling rejected or unwanted? Is your sense of worth tied to whether or not others accept you? Are you trying to control the other person or the relationship? If yes to any of these, keep doing the work.If you do move into repair, lead with listening. Hold space for them to share their experience and their interiors, and honor those as just as valid as your own. Detach from outcomes, and prioritize connection over restoration, and being curious over being right. Be okay with the conversation not going the way you hoped it would.Ego's place in the spectrum: THE MIDDLE.One end: Control. If Ego is at the wheel, you're gonna try to control everything, which is impossible and unhealthy.The other end: Apathy. If you can't control everything, Ego is tempted to decide it shouldn't try to control anything, which is unrealistic and unhealthy.The middle: Surrender. You control yourself and stop trying to control everything else. YOU give your Ego what it wants, or it will try to take it from others (affirmation, love, validation, attention, protection).GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for HERSELF.Ryan is grateful for the two people in his life who gave him the feedback that sparked this episode.TIME CODES:5:25 - Ryan's two relationships25:22 - YOU ARE YOUR OWN MEASURING STICK33:50 - Keeping Ego in its LaneMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”- Tony Robbins (probably)WHY DO WE RESIST CHANGE??LOSS. There's a loss, which means pain. Even if there's a gain, it's unknown; the loss is always known. Known is more comfortable than unknown.ANTICIPATION & PREDICTABILITY. A 2016 study showed that "knowing that there is a small chance of getting a painful electric shock can lead to significantly more stress than knowing that you will definitely be shocked." (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/03/160329101037.htm)CONTROL. Intentionally maintaining a painful circumstance gives a sense of control, whereas moving into the unknown is a loss of your sense of control. Feeling out of control is often more uncomfortable than the pain of the present moment.ATTACHMENT TO OUTCOMES. A change threatens the possibility of arriving at a specific future you want to reach.ANTIDOTES:SURRENDER. Know what you can't control, and stop trying to control it.PRESENCE. Get out of the past and future, and come back to now.SELF ACCEPTANCE. Disengage from stories about how circumstances (preferable or painful, real or imaginary) affect your value or identity.“We are often more threatened by the possibility of a relationship with others changing than the possibility of the relationship with ourselves staying the same.”- Vienna PharaonTHE CHANGE CYCLE:Dissolution - change happens, the status becomes not-quo, and suffering takes hold.Adjustment - you formulate a plan to adjust to the new thing.Integration - Your new plan becomes a new way of life.Maintenance - The new status becomes quo. I realize I'm using that phrase horribly.*** Moving from 4 to 1 feels like three steps back, but it's really one step forward. It's the Change Cycle, not the Change Unidirectional Linear Progression ***THE BECKARD-HARRIS CHANGE EQUATION: D x V + F > RD = Dissatisfaction with the present circumstanceV = Vision for what the future could beF = First Steps (putting on your shoes and getting to the running trail)R = Resistance to changeGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for his dad.Abby is grateful for her clients who are really doing the work.TIME CODES:19:43 - The Change Cycle31:32 - Alexander John Shaia - The four gospels and the cycle of change: https://amzn.to/3tYS1Gt1:00:12 - The Beckard-Harris Change EquationWHAT OUR TRIBE IS UP TO:Feed the Birdies - CWPencils.comThe Mama Collective Coffee Chat - Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86127595900A Woman Without A Man - OneCraftyWidow.comMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Do your emotions have to attach to stories? Everything but the emotion is in your head."I'm afraid OF ______""I'm happy ABOUT ______""I'm angry AT  ______"IMPORTANT POINTS ABOUT THAT: "Story" doesn't refer to the facts; it refers to what you make those facts mean for you."In your head" and "imaginary" don't mean "not valid" or "not real.""Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is or power to choose our response" -Viktor FranklTurn your Inner Critic into an Inner Advisor:Use it to help you in the present rather than scrutinize the past.Decide to believe it has your best interest at heart and isn't trying to hurt you.TOOLS TO HABITUALIZE PRESENCE!!Spend a week being intensively on the lookout for what you feel, what sparks those feelings, and what stories in your head are attached to them. Just get in the habit of noticing.Become an observer to your behaviors, actions, and responses to stimuli.Bullet journal, set reminders on your phone, recruit loved ones to check in. Do whatever works with your wiring to keep it on the forefront of your mind during your "training period."Gratitude is your friend.No judging yourself. Period.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her son, and for his teacher.Ryan is grateful for his son, and that's it.TIME CODES:2:34 - The problems we make for ourselves5:30 - Emotions linking to stories8:19 - Real fear vs. perceived fear10:32 - Choosing our response15:32 - Stories in your head can still be legit23:59 - Inner Critic --> Inner Advisor31:11 - Tools!MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Reasons to do your thing:It brings you life.To elicit reactions, positive and negative - NOT to help you hone your content based on the feedback. - BUT to help you decide how much weight feedback should have. (Marcus Aurelius)You have to get through the shit to get to the gold. (quantity over quality)You’ll discover yourself in ways you couldn’t without it.Reasons to stop:When the work is complete (this also applies to relationships).When it FEELS like work (burnout). - NOT “if something feels like work, stop." - BUT “if the thing you do specifically because it’s a life-bringer starts to feel like a life-drainer, pause to reevaluate”:      • What’s life-giving about it? Can you transpose that into a less draining activity?      • When did it become not that? What entered the picture that stole the life? (usually money)      • Maybe you need to set boundaries around the thing?      • Maybe clarify your compass? Is it really life-giving?If it becomes unsustainable - no room in your life for it? - Ask why it’s so hard to prioritize. Is it that important to you? Really? - In order for self-care to be valued, your self must be valued. You must believe YOU are a thing worth cultivating at the expense of you cultivating other people. If you’re not there yet, your passion will always be a side gig and dispensable; it should be an integrated, cornerstone-level part of the life you design for yourself.Other things to note:You don’t have to do it professionally for it to be a valid use of your time.You don’t owe anyone your gifts.You don’t have to get “good at” it (who decides that anyway?).GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for the people in his life whose feedback he highly regards.Abby is grateful for her kid's school (and the fact that she listened to her body about deciding to enroll him)TIME CODES:10:22 - Flow15:15 - It brings you life17:16 - Getting feedback22:27 - Quantity over quality25:07 - Self discovery29:07 - Accepting when the work is complete33:34 - Burnout39:04 - Making room in your life for your passion46:23 - Misconceptions (externally imposed shoulds)MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Abby and Ryan left off last podcast teeing up a follow-up episode about humility. We thought this would be that episode. The Universe had other plans. We sure did try, though. That's a lie. We really didn't. But we think we landed in an okay place.How Abby Manages a Full Plate:Bag it. Ask yourself if it really needs to be done (no. It doesn't)Barter it. Ask yourself if someone else can do it (then ask them to do it)Better it. Ask yourself if it can be done more efficiently (smarter, not harder)How Ryan Manages a Full Plate:Size it up. Figure out everything you have to do and break it down into bite-sized steps.Scale it down. Find every corner you can cut, and force yourself to cut them.Schedule it all. Block off every single step of every single thing on your calendar.Designing your most authentic life:Owning what you want. If you can't make time for it, you probably don't really want it. And that's okay. Admitting that can be freeing.Self Worth. Believe that the life you do want is valuable enough to be prioritized over the life other people want you to live.Boundaries. Design a life that resonates with your essential self, say "yes" to things that align with that, and "no" to everything else.Also, start small. Goal too daunting? Shrink it until it's ridiculously doable.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that he's developing an internal compass for himself and the things he does.Abby is grateful for the heavy but meaningful conversation she got to be a part of recently.TIME CODES:4:00 - We try to do the humility piece. We fail.19:15 - How Abby manages a full plate (3 B's)26:58 - How Ryan manages a full plate (3 S's)35:18 - Why time management matters40:28 - Owning what you wantMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

We talk about confidence, what it is, and what it's not. And surprise surprise, we don't exactly see eye to eye on the specifics. And that's part of what makes this thing magical.Definitions!Ryan: Confidence is owning what you are, and not needing to be what you aren't.Abby: Confidence has both positive and negative expressions: negative confidence is a mask you wear to cover up a lack of self worth; positive confidence comes from true self worth, wherein you wholeheartedly love and trust yourself and how you show up.Confidence Is......something you learn in waves....releasing the illusion of control over other people....being comfortable with your limitations (being able to say "I can't do that" without feeling less-than)....taking comparison out of the equation....setting boundaries and saying "no" without feeling the need to apologize, explain, make excuses, or lie....trusting yourself....apologizing without self-loathing, expecting the other person to babysit your emotions and coddle your ego, or requiring them to accept your apology and immediately move past their pain....accepting an apology without...being able to fail an attempt or lose a competition without feeling like you've lost something and need to redeem yourself....not having anything to prove....not needing others to validate your interiors....not needing to defend yourself....a prerequisite for humility (according to Ryan. Abby has thoughts. Stay tuned!)Arrogance is......mimicking true confidence to cover insecurity (spoiler alert: everyone sees right through that shit)....posturing to mask lack of feeling self worth (spoiler alert: see previous spoiler alert).Distractions:Manifesting and Divination aren't as scary or weird as people think they are.Ryan says "DO consider how your words/actions affect their experience; DON'T fear their potential reaction." Abby both agrees and disagrees with this.Wanting growth for the people you love can be as destructive as constructive. Let them grow; don't try to make them grow. And also let them not grow.Intent vs. Impact - COVID19 Edition. Every decision you make impacts everyone else, all the time - not just during a pandemic.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that Gov. Abbott lifted the Covid restrictions in Texas.Ryan is grateful that the Snyder Cut finally came out.TIMECODES:1:23 - Distraction 18:50 - CONFIDENCE! Defining our terms.12:07 - Distraction 218:25 - Distraction 322:22 - Confidence is surrendering control22:35 - Confidence is not having anything to prove23:39 - Arrogance25:12 - Confidence is being comfortable with your limits26:39 - Confidence is lack of comparison27:18 - Confidence is saying "no"32:44 - Confidence is not needing validation from others35:52 - Confidence is not needing to defend yourself40:22 - Confidence is trusting yourself41:46 - Distraction 450:44 - Confidence is apologies without bullshit1:00:36 - Confidence and humilityMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Growth.Sometimes, growth is less about discarding old versions of yourself, and more about integrating them.Sometimes, growth is like outgrowing your sweater. If you keep it on after you've outgrown it, it'll suffocate you.Sometimes, growth means forgiving your old selves instead of judging them.Sometimes, growth means learning to validate and value yourself according to your own Inner Pilot Light (thank you, Lissa Rankin), rather than the commentary, reactions, and feedback of others."Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past."- Corinne Edwards (paraphrasing Gerald Jampolsky), Love Waits On WelcomeThe way you treat your past selves is likely the way you treat your present self. #RTASurrender.Surrender is NOT accepting the inevitability of an imagined future state.Surrender is NOT adopting a posture of powerlessness and doing nothing.Surrender IS releasing the illusion of control over things you can't control.Surrender IS holding space for everything (including yourself), to be what it is.Surrender IS choosing not to attempt to control circumstances or other people, but rather, yourself - and only yourself.When we say "stay in your own business," that includes staying out of the business of your past and future selves. #RTA too.If you're moving away from something in your past, or toward (or away from) something you think is in your future, STAHP. Come back to now. Surrender both.If you're averse to a potential outcome and try to steer the ship away from it, your controlling mindset will more often steer you directly into the thing you're afraid of.Rocky relationships aren't "broken" and need "fixing." They just are what they are. Detach from your desires/fears for specific outcomes, and focus on being the most authentic you you can be.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that he's becoming more internally confident in his work.Abby is grateful for the online delivery thingies!TIME CODES:3:08 - Why Ryan destroys his art (and why he's doing that less these days)14:50 - On forgiving your past selves21:34 - Why are we so mean to ourselves, Abby???27:57 - Surrender40:45 - Confidence48:01 - Rigid vs. Ragdoll52:52 - Some stuff about relationshipsMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Abby unpacks four types of coping! Ryan takes notes. And has bad audio for some reason.The INEFFECTIVE ways to cope (they lead to burnout, keep you in fight-or-flight, and often exacerbate the problem):Over-Control. Ruminating on the past and potential futures, spinning in your thoughts about a situation or other person.Passive Coping. Complaining, numbing out, checking out, engaging in mindless activities a lot. Avoidance, habitual escapism.The EFFECTIVE ways to cope (they refresh your interior landscape, put you in rest-and-digest, and often help you resolve the problem):Surrender (antidote to over-control). Acknowledge that things are what they are, and that most of it is out of your control. Then, own what is in your control, and take action.Active Coping (antidote to passive coping). Do what brings you life. Work out. Cook. Spend time with loved ones. Journal. Garden. Art. Dance. This isn't to cover up the difficult stuff; it's about grounding your body and mind in the present and creating occasion for the thing to get processed.You have to trust yourself. You are the answer to your own questions about yourself. Only you know if you're on social media to connect with humans or just check out. You've got to be honest with yourself, which requires trusting yourself, which requires self-compassion, which requires self-love.TIME CODES:0:00 - More about crying6:19 - Abby introduces the four types of coping8:25 - Over-Control12:56 - Passive "Coping"28:28 - Surrender40:39 - Active Coping47:10 - Gratitude! (see below)55:44 - Ryan Recaps, and talks about trusting yourselfGRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her son!Ryan is grateful for his "rewearables" basket.MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

**ANNOUNCEMENT**Our interviewee from Episode 31, TONY ISLAS, is joining our weekly member call on March 16, at 7pm CST just to shoot the shit with our Tribe members! EEK! Sign up between now and then if you wanna hang with him over Zoom for an hour. Doooo it.--------Abby shares that she hasn't been crying lately (and that's not normal for her), and Ryan shares a story that led him to correlate emotional blockage/flow with creative blockage/flow - maybe there's a connection there. We think there most likely is.Also, Abby shares another story about how the release that crying brings could open pathways to release grudges and pave the way to true forgiveness.Also also, mind your past-tense verbiage (I've already learned this, I've already healed from this, I've already forgiven them, I've already grown to/past this point, etc.). Some things are states of being that you have to maintain, rather than switches you can flip.Knowing that forgiveness is a state we have to choose to live in, we can hold space for others to navigate what it means to get to a place where they consistently choose to operate from a place of forgiveness towards us when we rupture and repair.TIME CODES:12:54 - What does it feel like when you're about to cry?19:53 - TONY!!!23:32 - Crying as a pathway to forgiveness28:21 - Forgiveness - once and done, or a continuous process?39:58 - Using past-tense language for present-tense states of being (healing, learning, growing, forgiving, etc.)GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for crying! It really has been a powerful force in her life.Ryan is grateful for his friend (alias: "Mo") who is curious, safe, and an amazing listener.The class Abby took:Dr. Jayne Gardner, The Divine Intelligence Institute The ProcessMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Ryan goes through a list of things over the past three episodes he wanted to say but didn't (ironically). And we discuss the things.The main theme undergirding this conversation is, know what you CAN control, know what you CAN'T, own what you CAN control, and don't own what you CAN'T control. Speaking up because of what might happen if you DON'T is just as bad as NOT speaking up because of what might happen if you DO. Also, fear of what might happen is not a reason not to do something. Also also, if NOT speaking up causes you suffering, that suffering is your choice.Being in love and light includes intentionally and consistently cultivating a practice of being considerate and compassionate towards the people you interact with.There's no "right answer" when it comes to knowing when/why/how to use your voice. It depends on where you are in life, who you're talking to, and what's motivating your actions/inactions. Love? Fear? Both? Only you know. But your answer is your answer.Gender plays a role. Generally, our culture tells each gender a different story about when/where/how/why it's appropriate to use their voices and take up space. Going against the script that was handed to you is a movement towards self empowerment, whatever that looks like.You can't predict how someone will react to your words, so don't try to predict it. You can't control how someone will react to your words, so don't try to control it. But you can care how your words might fall on them. So always care.When things mess up after you use your voice, repairing what broke is important. It's also important to do your best to craft your words to prevent rupture.When things go south relationally, it's important to investigate where and how the breakdown happened. THEN, own your contribution, and release everything else.Learn to trust yourself. And good luck, cause that's super fuckin' hard.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that she was able to get her loved ones together over a weekend to process a recent shared experience together.Ryan is grateful that he didn't lose power in the snowstorm, and also for some of his patrons who are doing cool shit:Holly Rudnick, Intuitive Coach: hollymbscoach.comPodcast - This Is Vinyl Tap: Spotify | AppleTIME CODES:1:20 - This Texas snow situation!9:06 - The final debrief begins11:50 - The consequences of silence as a motivation to speak up23:18 - Our different answers to this come from our different experiences.27:55 - Gender plays a role34:19 - Caring about things we can neither predict nor control38:14 - Taking your time figuring out the best way to say something46:53 - Rupture & Repair50:39 - Investigating how/why things go south, and owning your shitMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Episode 52 - Abby and Ryan take a break this week. However, we extend an invitation to you to use the time you would have given to listen to this episode to sit in quiet reflection. In this short episode, Abby briefly talks about what reflection is and what it is not, and offers some helpful guidance on how to use reflection as a tool for understanding, compassion and growth. Take this opportunity to choose you! We'll be back next week! GRATITUDES:We are grateful for YOU and where you are on your journey. Thank you for coming along for the ride. MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com

We close some loops and get all* the words out that we've spent the past two episodes wrestling with for various reasons. Not sure if I need to say this, but you'll need to listen to parts 1 and 2 for any of this to make sense.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for his #bidet .Abby is grateful for her brother-in-law.TIME CODES:1:54 - Abby & Ryan share their experiences of last episode17:47 - Ryan, on monitoring his words more closely30:57 - Abby's biggest growth opportunity this series has shown her: trust yourself34:25 - Ryan's biggest growth opportunity this series has shown him: have courage40:15 - Rupture & Repair44:10 - You get to choose the words you plant in other people's heads52:46 - Get curious about peopleMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

If you're using your voice, but not grounded in the essence of your true self, then you're not speaking your truth; you're merely speaking your mind. #RTAYou are not responsible for what people do with your words. But YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR WORDS.FISH TANK ANALOGY:You are the water, and your words are the fish.If the water is mucky, the fish will get sick. If you want to maintain their health, you have to tend to each fish, individually, and persistently.If you focus on giving them good clean water, you don't have to micromanage the health of each individual fish.If you are being intentional (because it doesn't happen on accident) about operating in Love and Light, then you don't need to mind every single thing you say, because your words are already wrapped in compassion, empathy, and love.If you're not at your best, and you're not consciously seeking the highest good of all involved, that might be a good time to monitor the words you use and make sure they don't create (or recreate past) trauma to others."We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are." -Anaïs NinWhen NOT to factor in the possibility that your words will trigger your audience:When you are in love and light, seeking the highest good of everyone involvedWhen you have a wealth of relational equity with themWhen you tend to value the words of others over your ownWhen TO factor in the possibility that your words will trigger your audience:When you are in ego, seeking to defend yourself or judge othersWhen you lack relational equity with themWhen you tend to value your words over those of othersThe only time it's okay to forego the task of crafting your words around how they might affect the other person is when the whole of your person is already enveloped in love and empathy for them. And that's only because you've already eliminated the possibility that anything you say could be hurtful. In that case, the only problems they have with your words are the problems they themselves create.YOU CAN'T SPEAK YOUR TRUTH IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR TRUTH. #RTAAnd your truth is your self. So you have to start by knowing yourself.Figuring out who you are starts with figuring out who you're not:"Maybe the journey isn't so much about BECOMING anything. Maybe it's about UNBECOMING everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place." -Gregg BradenYour True North is not WHAT you're supposed to DO in this life. It's WHO you're supposed to BE.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for dairy-free milk! Also for the fact that life has been challenging lately.Ryan is grateful for the people he's surrounded himself by, through whom the essence of his dad can be kept alive in his life.TIME CODES:2:08 - Ryan owns his muckiness9:43 - Taking responsibility for our words21:32 - "We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are."32:57 - When to give a shit about the effects of your words42:39 - Know thyselfMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

"Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder." - RumiStart by knowing where you are:Notice when you want to say something but don't. Why didn't you?Notice when you speak up - standing up for yourself or others, naming your desires, asserting your opinions. Why did you?Notice when you fill silence with unnecessary words. Why did you?Ready to start using your voice confidently? Start where it's safest and slowly expand:Unapologetically use your voice with your most trusted lifemate. Quantity over quality. Expand your circle of honesty as you gain confidence and experience in speaking your truth.Create a space in your dwelling that reflects your authentic self. As you're ready, expand that space at a pace that feels comfortable, until your entire abode reflects your inner landscape."But what it my truth will trigger my audience??"Are you about to create new trauma for them, or mirror a past trauma?Operating in Love & Light = steering clear of creating new trauma.Respectfully not giving a shit = realizing you're not in control of whether or not they allow your words to trigger past traumas, and therefore not spending energy trying to keep that from happening.From a chakra perspective: we have a throat chakra, but we don't have ear chakras. The throat chakra governs speaking your truth, but the heart chakra governs giving and receiving. When you listen with your heart instead of your head, you create space in which others are more free to use their voices.GRATITUDES:Ryan's grateful for the Unplug Men's Retreat he just went on with MenLiving.Abby's grateful her sister's father.RESOURCES:This story about a ceramics teacher from "Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking" by David Bayles & Ted Orland)Spiral Dynamics Primer: The Robcast #295 - Me, We, EverybodyMore Spiral Dynamics: Zen Parenting Radio #580 - Why We GrowThe Jade of Mr. HeTIME CODES:3:08 - Intro to the topic: Using Your Voice7:18 - Raise Your Words (Rumi)8:51 - Love and Light as intentions in expressing your authentic self10:54 - Quantity over quality (Uelsmann)15:07 - Conscious silence as a way of keeping a boundary21:17 - How to start using your voice - Part 124:44 - Why do we fear using our voices?29:55 - Triggering - new and old trauma42:09 - Coaching as a form of using your voice46:58 - Listening with your heart (chakras)50:04 - How to start using your voice - Part 259:36 - Meeting people where they are (Spiral Dynamics)1:03:33 - The Jade of Mr. HeMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Be present with yourself. You can fuss over the task of living your life, or you can just live it.Do you really want to do the thing?You say you want to do the thing.You consistently don't, and there's always an excuse.Do you really want to do the thing?Reeeaaaally?Check in with your body. See if it wants to do the thing.If so, cut the crap and do the thing. No excuses.If not, take it off your plate and stop saying you want to do it.How do you motivate yourself? Shame? Bullying? External pressure? Manufactured rewards/consequences? Which part of you does the motivating, and how does that part treat you? Is there a kinder, less judgmental, yet equally firm part that can take its place?"Get yourself up, kick yourself in the ass, and go get another beer." - GramsAs long as you look to others to be your source of love/validation, you will depend on them for it. That becomes a problem when it chokes out room for them to be on their own journey. Bring it home: your highest self is the source of its own love and validation.Learn to love yourself so that you can teach others by example how to love themselves.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that she said "yes" to the trip she's on, being what it ended up being.Ryan is grateful for his friend who pointed out that he had fallen off the wagon.TIME CODES:2:00 - Abby reflects on her grandmother's final days: "you fuss, we live." - Mary Oliver, "The Good-Bye Fox"11:45 - On upgrading our inner motivators39:22 - On being your own person53:22 - On breaking generational cyclesMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Let's Get P'litical! That pun was so bad.Step 1: Look in the MirrorConsider your audience. Who are you talking to when you say political things? Are you saying it in a way that maximizes the odds that it will be heard?Cognitive Bias is a bitch. Become aware of it, notice when you're doing it, and fucking stop it.Blindly aligning to one side and vilifying the other is a problem, regardless of which side you're on.Your position/opinion is based on the information/beliefs/values you hold, which are based on YOUR experiences. Dig deep enough to find where you and the other person overlap, and start there.Pay attention to labels. How are you labeling the people on the other side? Would they label themselves that way? Are you dehumanizing them by making assumptions based on the camp they're in?What outcomes are you attached to? Are you motivated to make them more like you? Are you afraid of becoming more like them? What if your only motivation was to show up as your best self throughout the conversation?Step 2: Do the WorkOpen with a question, and follow up with more questions.Throw out labels and find a container you're both in.Practice with the small stuff: safe intimate relationships. Your children and parents. Your friend group. Practice doing this work in those relationships, so that when they start burning shit down, you'll already be in the habit of prioritizing connection over winning.What would you bring to a political conversation if stating/defending your position was off limits? Try that.TIME CODES:5:52 - IT'S NEVER OKAY TO BE A FUCKING RACIST. PERIOD.20:08 - The antidote to polarization is connection.22:09 - Find the human behind the political position.22:22 -

Just a quick note to say thanks, and that we'll be back.Also, a special note from Abby.Also also, we love you all.Abby & Ryan

When you say "feelings," you're either talking about emotions or physical sensations. So use those words instead.Feeling agitated/triggered? Focus more on why you're feeling that way and less on the thing that caused those emotions.Regret:Unhealthy - "If I had done X differently, Y would have gone more favorably, and I'm disappointed that it didn't go that way."Healthy - "How could I have been better then, and how can I use that to be better now?"Being present: "What's happening is happening, and it is what it is."Being present with someone: "I'm in this with you" GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for the family who runs her son's schoolRyan is grateful for his new jobTIME CODES:0:22 - Centering & check-in

We discuss what (you think) the state of your house says about you to visitors, we debrief Abby's process of working through being triggered by a Facebook post (https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10221270460445886 by Jessica Manuszak, founder of I Love You The Monsters), and riff on how to build bridges with people whose opinions are polar opposites from yours, without compromising your ideals or condoning their behaviors (spoiler alert: it's digging deep enough to see yourself in them, and extending an olive branch to form a meaningful human connection, if one can be made with healthy boundaries and mutual respect).TIME CODES:2:32 - Housekeeping13:03 - That Facebook post28:56 - Squelch38:11 - Empathy as an antidote to polarization50:55 - Exposure as an antidote to bigotryGRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her BABYSITTER AGAIN.Ryan is grateful that he actually managed to clean his office.MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Once upon a time, Ryan did something crazy and asked Rob Bell to be on his podcast. Then, Rob did something even crazier and said yes. In this episode, we discuss finding and following your True North, seeing yourself in others as an antidote to polarization, and why Abby might just be the more religious than she thinks.TIME CODES:6:19 - Seeing ourselves in others17:16 - Finding/following your True North (spoiler: it's Presence)29:00 - "You will have everything you need when you need it"30:28 - Brains trying to solve heart problems31:33 - Joy36:52 - Religion vs. Spirituality49:44 - Ryan's Ultimate InvitationGRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that medical science can tackle big things like childhood cancer.Rob is grateful that he can relate to people in meaningful ways, across great distances, with incredible ease.Ryan is grateful for the Bell Curve and the Bell Hop. Hah. Just watch the video.ROB'S DEETS:Everything Is Spiritual (book) - robbell.com/portfolio/everything-is-spiritualEverything Is Spiritual (film) - robbell.com/portfolio/everything-is-spiritual-2016-tour-filmThe RobCast - robbell.com/portfolio/robcastInstagram - @realrobbellMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Ryan plunges a normal Thanksgiving conversation right into social justice and racial equality. Don't worry, we recover (at 23:26), but not before addressing the origins of Thanksgiving, and how it might feel to indigenous people that we still celebrate it.Abby has questions!What are you grateful for?How did you come up with your kid's name?What's your favorite way to give back and help others?Who was your favorite teacher?GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for the True North TribeAbby is grateful for her BFF BeckyTIME CODES:1:22 - Reconciling holiday traditions with allyship and advocacy34:00 - Abby's Thanksgiving questionsMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Abby & Ryan revisit the topic of ADHD, and dig deeper into how it's a gift. There may be a scientific name for your neurological wiring, but that label doesn't define you. It will present challenges that neurotypical people don't face, but it also presents advantages neurotypical people don't get. You get to choose whether you see it as a blessing or a curse.Diversity is beauty. #rtaName your interiors. Admit what you want, even if it's irrational, unfair, immature, or unreasonable. ESPECIALLY if it's those things. As soon as you say it out loud, it becomes something tangible you can interact with, process, critique, and develop.You define what you are (read: what you're worth) based on what you're comparing yourself to. Here's how to navigate that:Realize that you're comparing yourselfNotice what you're comparing yourself toEvaluate why you compare yourself to those thingsInvestigate what part of your identity is wrapped up in themCultivate a self-love and self-acceptance practice to dismantle your drive to define your worth by how YOU measure up to NOT-YOU things.Plug into a tribe of people who can lovingly help you do this work.GRATITUDE:Ryan is grateful for a friend of his who has helped him manage life with ADHDAbby is grateful for 1) her friend who helped her shift her perspective around people's receptivity to the Gratitude Tree Project, and 2) the amount of buzz it's created!TIMECODES:1:45 - More ADHD15:55 - Letting someone sit in their muck23:29 - Naming Your Interiors31:09 - Reference PointsMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Abby & Ryan ask and answer audience-submitted questions for a blind AMA!Q'S FOR RYAN:03:11 - What is one thing that might make people think Ryan is crazy?04:32 - Has Ryan found his True North? What is it?09:57 - What would Ryan do with a glue stick, a paper clip, and a rubber band?11:42 - If Ryan could design a super hero that represents him, who would it be?17:49 - What's a song or artist Ryan wouldn't admit that he secretly loves?21:01 - What is the one thing Ryan wants his kid to do, so he can do it too?23:57 - What's the one thing Ryan wants to do the most in this life, but it scares him just a little too much?24:56 - What will Ryan avoid doing more than anything in life?27:00 - How long does it take Ryan to produce a single episode of the podcast?29:27 - What's one thing Ryan knows now that he'd travel back in time to tell pre-podcast Ryan?29:39 - What goes do Ryan and Abby have for the show?30:26 - What is in Ryan's road trip must-have snack bag?Q'S FOR ABBY:33:23 - What was Abby's favorite backyard olympic event?36:15 - Can intuition look like fear or resistance?39:09 - What is the one experience Abby doesn't want to miss out on in this lifetime?41:12 - If Abby could create a Crayola color that represents her, what would it be?43:07 - What snack would Abby make for herself if no one would ever find out?43:50 - What's one thing Abby would learn right now if she had no limitations?46:04 - What types of emergencies would Abby step up for? Which ones would she run from?48:52 - What's Abby's most embarrassing childhood memory that she can laugh about now?53:34 - What kind of spirit guide would Abby be, and who would she guide?MORE RESOURCES:PlayPauseBe Yoga card deck: playpausebe.comGet It Together by The Go! Team: youtu.be/ht0yLJt7K4IGRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for Ryan jumping in and producing this podcast with her!Ryan is grateful for all the growth-fuel Abby has given him in the process of producing it.MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Ryan has ADHD and Abby is an HSP. We discuss what it's like to live with those traits, and how we feel about how our society views them.Also Ryan is all mucky and weaponizing his gratitude practice to combat the muck. This is not ideal. Abby helps him see that. Here are her five tools for when you're in the dumps and can't get out:Move your bodySocialize (however you can)Practice gratitudeFeel your feelingsEat good shit and don't eat bad shitWe also commiserate on how hard it is to make big decisions that will uproot your entire life, and the lives of those around you. This shit ain't easy, folks.**WHAT'S IN YOUR HIGHEST GOOD IS ALSO IN THE HIGHEST GOOD OF EVERYONE AROUND YOU. #RTA**It's okay to be where you are. You are right where you're supposed to be. Promise.GRATITUDE:Ryan is grateful for his ADHD (but not really)Abby is grateful for her sonTIME CODES:1:43 - Ryan's ADHD12:08 - Neurodivergence34:33 - Abby's 5 Coping Mechanisms37:47 - Burning it all down56:41 - Abby on motherhoodMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at tinyurl.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

November is Gratitude Month! Abby themed this year's Gratitude Month around Self Love and Connection. Learn more about the Gratitude Tree Project at indigocoaching.net/gratitude-tree. Make your own - it's literally beneficial to your physical wellbeing, because science.Gratitude offsets negativity bias, boosts feelings of connection and pleasure, and also doesn't happen on its own.Ryan is sharing his self-coaching document, "For When You're Feeling Defensive" at tinyurl.com/FWYFD. Use it when you feel defensive. Save it to your phone. Change it as needed, to meet your own defensiveness situation.Defending yourself against critique = defending yourself from connection.Past Self Regression:You have key experiences between 0 and 25 years old.You repeatedly attract situations and relationships that recreate those experiences until you fully process them.When you recreate them, you revert to the person you were when you originally experienced them.Know this, own this, and work WITH it, not AGAINST it.Mantra for looking at your past: "it all happened the way it was supposed to happen."Mantra for looking at your present: "you are exactly where you are supposed to be."GRATITUDE:Ryan is grateful that his soul got a massage. Just listen to the episode for that to make sense. Also, Abby doesn't read the show notes so I can say here that songs have souls pppbpbpbpttttt.Abby is grateful for the people who asked her to make the Gratitude Tree an actual thing, AND the science nerds who study gratitude.TIMECODES:1:38 - Gratitude Tree4:32 - Abby is still GAY15:27 - Negativity Bias23:09 - For When You're Feeling Defensive35:49 - Past Self Regression43:43 - Quotes55:21 - GratitudesMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

***IMPORTANT NOTE: ABBY PICKED UP HER SON***Dr. John Amaral DC is an energy practitioner, author, and educator who has worked for more than twenty years helping A-List celebrities, entrepreneurs, athletes, influencers, and thought-leaders elevate their energy so that they feel and perform their best. John has worked hands-on with thousands of people from over 70 countries, utilizing his Energetic Flow approach.John is featured in the GOOP Lab Netflix series with Gwyneth Paltrow and has appeared on numerous podcasts. He is the founder of the Energy Flow Formula and the Body Centered Leadership programs, which combine cutting-edge neuroscience and ancient wisdom practices to help participants create and sustain new levels of energy, clarity, and fulfillment. You can visit johnamaral.com to find out more about John’s upcoming events and programs. 4:48 - What John does8:21 - Energetic release18:01 - Flow20:16 - Relationships (and the effects that connecting to yourself has on them)25:14 - The Paradox of Change30:50 - The physical effects of emotional release: Sound and Movement41:00 - Energy Medicine and Allopathic Medicine47:12 - John's Fight or Flight to Flow Challenge48:49 - Healing the whole self, not just the physical body56:12 - Why does John always wear black??GRATITUDES:John is grateful for his wife, his family, and the fact that he's able to do the work he's doing.Abby is grateful that she's had opportunities to remind her loved ones that they have the answers they seek.Ryan is grateful that True North is a thing.JOHN'S DEETS:Website: johnamaral.comInsta: @drjohnamaralFacebook: /johnjamaralGoop Lab Episode: youtu.be/MunlAm7IGsEOUR DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

Abby opens up about how lapses in her ritual self-care practices can throw her life into disarray (read: a total #shitshow) and make her more easily triggered by small stuff.Ryan opens up about the arbitrary benchmarks he uses to measure his worth, and the ridiculous metrics he uses to make said measurements.Ryan channeled his dad through his guitar, and the message was "let yourself be what you are."The Four Stages of Competence (2.5 is the sweet spot - the Beginner's Mind):Unconscious incompetenceConscious incompetenceConscious competenceUnconscious competenceTOOLS:Feeling defensive? Ask yourself what you're really defending yourself against.Feeling like you don't measure up? Ask yourself what you're comparing yourself to.Wondering if what you're doing is working? Stop doing it and see if your life falls apart.GRATITUDE:Ryan is grateful for his "For When You're Feeling Defensive" tool.Abby is grateful for her sister! Again!TIMECODES:0:00 - Abby's #shitshow26:26 - Ryan's self worth issues39:03 - Ryan played his dad's guitar for the first time since he died.57:38 - Housekeeping:We now offer dual-coaching with both of us (email us for more info)We're doing a Q&A for our 1-year anniversary episode (email Abby your questions for Ryan, and vice versa)MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

"Joy is a high frequency. Your life path is in a high frequency. Your best partner exists in a high frequency. Financial freedom is in a high frequency. Health is a high frequency."^^ You have to train yourself to operate in Joy (see "Layering" below).Words that are active in the physical realm, but have no meaning in the Multi-sensory (spiritual) world: How, What, When, Where, Why. If your question uses one of these words, rephrase it until it doesn't.TECHNIQUES:Layering, for training yourself to operate in Joy: Which of your five senses do you use most prominently? Spend some time every day forcing yourself to use that sense to only experience things that bring you joy.Resting in the Second Chakra, for feeling your real emotions:Place your hand on your navel, and visualize a waterfall gently washing from the top of your head down to the lowest part of your body. Then ask your self "what am I really feeling?" Let go of the question, go back into your body, and wait for the answer to come. Trust your intuition to understand it.Asking "What if..." Questions, when affirmations don't work:The Ego is resistant to things it doesn't believe, but not to curiosity. Instead of saying "I will get healthy," try asking "What if I were healthy?"Marie's message for you. Yeah, YOU:"You are precious, you are beyond the beyond, you are magnificent, you are naturally gifted and talented, and I celebrate your discovery of that." - Marie ManuchehriGRATITUDE:Ryan's grateful that the Universe has been giving him confirmations on the butts of cars at stoplights.Marie is grateful that she's gonna get to see her new grandbaby!!Abby is grateful for Ryan, because he won't let her say "no" to her True North.MARIE'S INFO:Website: energyintuitive.comRadio Show - Where Energy and Medicine Meet: themariemanuchehrishow.podbean.comBook - Intuitive Self Healing: https://amzn.to/36sZioMBook - How to Communicate with your Spirit Guides: https://amzn.to/3irnN86MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at ARChealing.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at youtube.com/channel/UCGJV0w5O-YJ5xmm1bx_gxogEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com

00:00 - Ryan talks about the ARC healing he did earlier that day.Here are the cards he uses: https://www.highdesertyogi.com/products/build-a-practice-yoga-cardsRyan realizes his synesthesia is a part of his healing modality.Abby adds the missing component to what Ryan brought to his healing client.24:04 - Prosperity Rituals!You are the ritual. You doing the ritual doesn't do anything - the magic is what the ritual does to you.View photos of our prosperity rituals at https://www.truenorth11.com/arc-healing-synesthesia-and-prosperity-ritualsGRATITUDERyan is grateful for his most recent healing client.Abby is grateful for her sister SARAH, who volunteers at Project Cure: https://projectcure.orgMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at indigocoaching.netGet ARC healing from Ryan at facebook.com/ryanbayronhealingFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at tinyurl.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com