Podcasts about mom you

As I mentioned in the last couple of episodes, we're in the home stretch (at least for now) of the Raised Catholic podcast. Last week, I told the story of the podcast through the lens of the Notre Dame Cathedral fire as an allegory for the state of the Church and as a model for how an unlikely ministry sometimes finds us. This week I'll share my take on the state of the Church. If you'd like to connect with me, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠find me on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠at my website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, or ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on Substack⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. If you'd like to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠help support this podcast financially⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, there's a way to do just that ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on my page at buymeacoffee.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Thanks for sharing, subscribing, rating, and reviewing, as this helps our community to grow. Thanks as always to my friend, Peter Vaughan-Vail, for providing the beautiful harp music you hear in this and every episode. Here are some resources I hope will help you to engage with this week's topic in a deeper way for yourself: 1. Raised Catholic 148 transcript and link to episode: The Gospel vs. Clericalism and Outside the Cup Catholicism 2. Raised Catholic 20 transcript and link to episode: Church People 3. Raised Catholic 121 transcript and link to episode: What We Have in Common 4. Article: A Love Letter to my Catholic Friends, by me, at Where Peter Is, from October, 2020 5. Article: Synod on synodality report is disappointing but not surprising, from National Catholic Reporter, from November, 2023 6. Text and video, from School for Synodality: Synod retreat meditations from Fr. Timothy Radcliffe OP 7. Video: 60 Minutes Pope Francis interview with Norah O'Donnell 8. Article: Pope Francis intervenes at Synod, calls clericalism a 'scourge' that 'enslaves' God's people, from America Magazine 9. Video: Carpool scene from Mr. Mom "You're doing it wrong." 10. Article: 'Palpable outrage': Synod delegates react to women deacons study group meeting, from America Magazine Psalm 46:10: "He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'" Translation from The Message: "Attention, all! See the marvels of GOD! He plants flowers and trees all over the earth, Bans war from pole to pole, breaks all the weapons across his knee. "Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything."

BUY THE SLOW LIVING BOOK HERE! Today we are talking about what many of us adults go through, midlife crisis. But did you know that you can also go through a quarter life crisis? I am sharing my thoughts with you on how you can navigate these times in your life!We are talking about:How it happenswhy it happenswhat to do about itAs parents, sometimes we go through a midlife crisis the same time as our children are going through a quarter life crisis. It's important that as the parent you remain in control and be a good role model for your kids in this time. They are looking to you for advice and how to navigate through it.In my Slow Living book, I talk about the 5 steps to slow living. These steps can also help you navigate your midlife or quarter life crisis!Want more? Take a listen to these previous episodes for more on how life can change at any stage:Episode 34- Mom You're AmazingEpisode 102- Angela's Story, Living with Multiple SclerosisEpisode 104- 3 Year PlanEpisode 105- Before and After Coaching with BethEpisode 106- Manifestation vs Magical ThinkingEpisode 149- Amylee's Slow Living StoryWant to know more about living a slowed down life?!Simple Shortcuts to Peace Course - https://stephanieodea.com/peaceNew Year, New You Mini Challenge - https://stephanieodea.com/newyouJoin me for my LIVE Masterclass - https://stephanieodea.com/masterclass/Website - https://stephanieodea.comBlog - https://stephanieodea.com/blog/Slow Living Podcast - https://stephanieodea.com/podcastSpeaking Opportunities - https://stephanieodea.com/speaking/Coaching Opportunities - https://stephanieodea.com/coaching/Courses - https://stephanieodea.com/courses/Contact - stephanieodea.com/contact/

As usual, this sidetracked has so much packed into it, especially as we head into Mother's Day and the end-of-school-year May(hem). We recap my son Quade's final high school musical performance as Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast. Once again the tears are flowing as I process having a senior and all of the final milestones that come along with it.  Cynthia tries to describe what her best Mother's Day would look like and it ends up being a 1980's party with a clean house and peaceful kids. While I would like to bring back the homemade Mother's Day crafts, let's get all the high school teachers on board. Cynthia chats about what summer looks like when the college kids come home, it's around-the-clock fun with the little one up at 6:30 AM and the big kids up until the wee hours of the morning.  Come laugh along with us as we face the month of May and all of the busyness and big feelings that come along with this season of motherhood.  Stick around to the end where we share a big announcement about how the summer of podcasting will look.  Connect with Cynthia Yanof:  Website:   https://cynthiayanof.com/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cynthia.yanof  Instagram:  @cynthiayanof  Podcast: MESSmerized  Links Mentioned:   LTK | Fashion, Home, Beauty, Fitness and More Life Is Messy, God Is Good: Sanity for the Chaos of Everyday Life: by Cynthia Yanof Chico's (chicos.com) Forgiving What You Can't Forget: by Lysa TerKeurst I Shouldn't Feel This Way: by Alison Cook PhD The Body Keeps the Score: by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. A Mother's Day Questionnaire for your kiddos to fill out. A Questionnaire you fill out about your kids by Brooke Romney The Holderness Family When Mother's Day isn't Facebook Perfect Related Episodes: Forgiving What You Can't Forget :: Lysa TerKeurst [Ep 304] Embracing the Mom You're Meant to Be :: Jo Saxton [Ep 283] The Goal Isn't Happy Children :: Cynthia Yanof – Summer of Mentorship – Wk 6 [Ep 419] Featured Sponsors:  Total Gym- For an ADDITIONAL 20% off your order, head to TotalGymDirect.com/DMA Better Help- This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at BetterHelp.com/dma today to get 10% off your first month and get on your way to being your best self. VisitFind links to this week's sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors. 

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

How do you quantify 10 years of mom-ing together?  Let's start with what I want to make sure you don't miss. As we inch closer to 500 episodes, I selected clips from 5 episodes over the years for us to listen to together this week.  Some have been transformational for me, all get to the heart of the message I want you to hear as a mom - you're in the right spot and God is lavishing his love over you as your work to pass on your faith, to really see what your kids need, to release the shame you carry, and to fully occupy your God-given space.   Connect with:  Dr Kara Powell - https://karapowell.com/ Instagram: @kpowellfyi   Amy and Jeffrey Olrick - https://www.growingconnected.com/ Instagram: @growingconnected  Jo Saxton  - https://www.josaxton.com/ Instagram: @JoSaxton  Dr. Curt Thompson - https://curtthompsonmd.com/Instagram: @curtthompsonmd  Lisa Harper - https://www.lisaharper.org/Instagram: @lisadharper  Listen to the Full Episodes: Build Lasting Faith In Your Kids :: Dr. Kara Powell [Ep 290] Six Needs of Every Child :: Amy and Jeffrey Olrick [Ep 322] Embracing the Mom You're Meant to Be :: Jo Saxton [Ep 283]  Redeeming Shame Through Community :: Dr. Curt Thompson [Ep 308] When Your Wounded Soul Needs a Smiling God :: Lisa Harper [Ep 174] Links Mentioned:   Books by Dr. Kara Powell  3 Big Questions That Change Every Teenager: Making the Most of Your Conversations and Connections Sticky Faith: Everyday Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family: Over 100 Practical and Tested Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Kids  Books by Amy Elizabeth Olrick and Jeffrey Olrick The 6 Needs of Every Child: Empowering Parents and Kids Through the Science of Connection  Books by Jo Saxton  The Dream of You: Let Go of Broken Identities and Live the Life You Were Made For Ready to Rise: Own Your Voice, Gather Your Community, Step into Your Influence  More Than Enchanting: Breaking Through Barriers to Influence Your World Influential: Women in Leadership at Church, Work and Beyond Books by Curt Thompson, MD The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves by Curt Thompson, MD The Deepest Place: Suffering and the Formation of Hope by Curt Thompson, MD The Soul of Desire: Discovering the Neuroscience of Longing, Beauty, and Community by Curt Thompson, MD Anatomy of the Soul: Surprising Connections between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices That Can Transform Your Life and Relationships by Curt Thompson, MD  Books by Lisa Harper  A Perfect Mess: Why You Don't Have to Worry About Being Good Enough for God The Sacrament of Happy: What a Smiling God Brings to a Wounded World Overextended and Loving Most of It Stumbling Into Grace     Featured Sponsors:  Find links to this week's sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors. 

☎️ Text us! 310-356-3920 ☎️ Are you like my mom who loves to roleplay as an aspiring porn actress on the casting couch? Or are you more like me, imagining yourself banging in the monkey house at the zoo? This week, we share our and your favorite roleplay fantasies! Mom fights a TikToker and also debunks Tucker Carlson's views on sunning a.k.a. testicle tanning to boost testosterone. I share a quote about Albert Einstein and the power of manifestation as it relates to sex, of course. Please support our show and get discounts on our favorite brands by using our sponsors' links here! AMORUS – Up your sexting! Download the Amorus app for FREE today to play delicious sexy games with your partner at www.amorus.net/mom. If you enjoyed our question of the week, you can also check out the Chat Sparks card game! You'll get 20% off when you scroll down at our link: www.amorus.net/mom  DIPSEA – Want to get turned on? Dipsea is an audio app that features short, sexy stories and guided masturbation sessions. Get an extended 30-day free membership when you visit dipseastories.com/mom! FIRST ROUND'S ON ME – Sick of wasting time while swiping on dating apps? Want to go on an actual date? First Round's On Me is now available for Android and iOS! Bring back real dating. Check out the app for free at https://fromedating.com/Mom ❣️You can view this full episode in video form by going to our YouTube channel. A special huge thank you to our wonderful videographer/editor/producer, Dale!  Join our sparkling new Sneaky Freak chatroom on Discord! Just visit: https://discord.gg/jJZqkUw3dV. To gain exclusive access to all our Discord channels, join us at Patreon.com/sextalkwithmymom. If you've enjoyed the show, please consider leaving us a review at RateThisPodcast.com/Mom. Also, it would mean the world if you'd support us through Patreon.com/sextalkwithmymom – a platform where you can get exclusive STWMM bonus episodes and Zoom chats with us! Grab some Sex Talk w/ My Mom swag at sextalkwithmymom.com. Get close with us on socials at: Text us - 310-356-3920 Facebook/Instagram - @SexTalkWithMyMomPod Twitter - @SexTalkWMyMom Website - www.SexTalkWithMyMom.com Our podcast's music was crafted by the wildly talented Freddy Avis! Check out his work at http://www.freddyavismusic.com/ Sex Talk With My Mom is a proud member of Pleasure Podcasts, a podcast collective revolutionizing the conversation around sex. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#1. Benjamin Zander- A leader's job is to awaken the possibility in other people. #2. Will Guidara - You can speak things into existence and the power of nonverbal communication.  What would you attempt to do if you could not fail? #3. Lesson from my Mom- You need to stand up for what is right and what you believe in! #4. Arnold van den Berg- Don't allow your past to define your future. You can change your life with your mind. #5. Adam Robinson - you need to ask yourself the question, Who do you want to be in this world? #6. Dr. Dan Dworkis - Never Waste Suffering. #7. Paul Black- Just keep showing up. #8. David Senra- The great founders have the work ethic of Kobe Bryant and the self belief of Kanye West. #9. Frank Slootman - Don't try to be me. You need to become you, whatever the best version of you is.  #10. Apolo Anton Ohno - If you want to be great you need to be intentional with everything you do. I have a bonus one for you!  #11. Brunello Cucinelli - "Nothing compares to the love for another person when it comes to reaching immensity and infinity." Watch on YouTube Checkout Sean's Ultimate Annual Review + 2023 Planning Program over 10,000 have watched! Checkout my NEW DAILY PODCAST- MOMENTUM MINUTES! Momentum Minutes is a short daily podcast that's going to add a little inspiration to your morning by sharing lessons on leadership, business and self mastery. You Unleashed is an online personal development course created by Sean DeLaney after spending years working with and interviewing high achievers.The online course that helps you ‘Unleash your potential'! You Unleashed teaches you the MINDSETS, ROUTINES and BEHAVIORS you need to unleash your potential and discover what you're capable of. You know you're capable of more and want to bring out that untapped potential inside of you. We teach you how. Enroll Today!- Click Here Subscribe to my Momentum Monday Newsletter Connect with us! Whatgotyouthere TikTok YouTube Twitter Instagram 

A girl living in a haunted house must find a way to protect her way of life.. Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Eden - Jaiden Douwes Henry - Danar Hoverson Callandra - Julie Hoverson Frederick! - Reynaud LeBoeuf Ethan - Scott Douwes Mrs. Sherman - Angela Kirby Garth Sherman - Luke LeBoeuf News - Suzanne Dunn Henry's Mom - Gwendolyn Gieseke-Woodard Music by Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Sound mastering:  Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Dennis Hager  "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an old brownstone home, can't you tell?  Where else would you expect to find ... a couple of ghosts? *************************************************************** A Ghost of a Chance   Cast: Eden Anderson, precocious 11-year old Ethan Anderson, her dead father, 47 Callandra O'Doul, dead Irish maidservant, 20 Henry Torrence, burglar, 23 Frederick Ferryman, dead actor, 40s-50s Ms. Sherman, CPS, 32 Garth Sherman, her son, a bully, 13 News [anything] OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a big old brownstone, can't you tell?  Where else would you find a ghost or two? SCENE 1 – coming home MUSIC SOUNDS    MODERN STREET NOISE.  SOUND    WE FOLLOW THROUGH A CREAKY GATE.  STREET NOISE QUIETS A BIT.  FOOTSTEPS ON LEAVES, THEN ON WOOD PORCH.  KEY IN LOCK, DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS PASS THROUGH.   SCENE 2 – HALLWAY AND KITCHEN EDEN    Hey!  I'm home! SOUND    BACKPACK FLUNG ONTO TABLE.  DOOR SHUTS AND IS CAREFULLY LOCKED. CALLANDRA    You're going to have to do some shopping soon, miss.  We're almost out of soap powder. EDEN    [sigh] I'll put it on the list.  SOUND    FOOTSTEPS, THEY HESITATE, THEN STOP EDEN    What?  Move it.  I'm tired. CALLANDRA    [evasive] You're looking a mite peaked.  You could use a bite to eat.  Come into the kitchen and have some soup. EDEN    [slightly suspicious] O-kay...  SOUND    MODERN JAZZ, PLAYED LOW, SLIGHTLY MUFFLED EDEN    Dad's not at the videos again is he? SOUND    OPENING CUPBOARDS, CANS BEING PULLED OUT AND PLACED ON THE COUNTER CALLANDRA    [not quite convincing] No. EDEN    Then why don't you want me to go upstairs? SOUND    POP TOP ON CAN, SOUP INTO BOWL CALLANDRA    Whatever gave you that idea--? EDEN    Oh, please. CALLANDRA    Can I not just be concerned about you?  Someone has to be! SOUND    MICROWAVE OPENS, FOOD IN, SETTING TIME EDEN    I'm fine. SOUND    TURNS ON MICROWAVE MUSIC   SCENE 3 – A BIT LATER AMBIANCE    TELEVISION PLAYS LOW IN THE BACKGROUND News    ....was stolen from the J.J. Holdings museum at the university today.  The vase is attributed to the school of Cellini, and has been valued at nearly half a million dollars. SOUND    CELLPHONE DIALS, RINGS, PICKS UP EDEN    Hey Ariel.  ... Nothing.  Look, I've been thinking about-- SOUND    THUMPING ON CEILING EDEN    --trying out... for...  Can you wait a minute, Ariel? SOUND    HOLD BUTTON IS PRESSED SOUND     DOOR OPENS.  STEPS INTO FOYER, SLIGHT ECHO SOUND    THUMPING FROM ABOVE.  A COUPLE OF RAPID STEPS. SOUND    [WHOOSHING SOUND OF A GHOST ARRIVING] CALLANDRA    Oh no, miss.  EDEN    Yeah?  Stop me.  It's not dad - I can hear his computer going, and it's not you, since you're right here.  Maybe Frederick?  [yelling] Frederick? CALLANDRA    [worried] Oh... SOUND    [WHOOSHING SOUND OF A GHOST ARRIVING] FREDERICK    [overly theatrical, as always] Enter stage right.  Yeeeees?  CALLANDRA    See, it's all gone now-- SOUND    THUMPING FROM ABOVE CALLANDRA     [dismay] Ooh! EDEN    [grim] What is it? FREDERICK    Shall I make a recon, my young commander? EDEN    Oh! Shoot! SOUND    BEEP ON PHONE EDEN    Gotta call you back, Ariel.  Yeah, it's dad.  SOUND    PHONE HANGS UP EDEN    Callandra?  You want to explain-- SOUND    DOORBELL RINGS.  WHOOSH [GHOSTS LEAVING] EDEN    [exasperated sound]  Uuh! SOUND    STAMPING FEET, CHAIN LOCK GOES ON EDEN    [sighs] SOUND    DOOR OPENS EDEN    [sweetly] Yes?  SHERMAN Good evening. Are your parents around? EDEN    My father is asleep.  He hasn't been feeling very well. SHERMAN I think he'll want to speak to me. FREDERICK    [whisper]  Why?  Is she covered in chocolate? EDEN    [gritted teeth]  Maybe when he's feeling better.  Can he call you? SHERMAN Here's my card. EDEN    Oh. CALLANDRA    What's C-P-S?  Does that mean she's with the coppers? EDEN    What's this about?  I would invite you in, but-- SHERMAN No, I understand. Safety first.  [serious] There's been a complaint. EDEN    By who?  FREDERICK    [booming voice] Whom. EDEN    I mean - by whom? SHERMAN I'll discuss all that with your father. Please do have him call me.  [going off] All my info's on the card. EDEN    [calling] Thanks - uh - Ms. Sherman. SOUND    DOOR SHUTS EDEN    Oh, shoot! CALLANDRA    Now, it's not that bad.  Is it? FREDERICK    Of course it is.  CPS are the child police service.  They arrest bad little children. CALLANDRA    The devil you say!  Oh, Eden, tell me darling!  They won't arrest you! EDEN    They don't - but they do take children away from the wrong type of home environment. CALLANDRA    [relieved] Ohhh!  We're safe enough then. EDEN    [as if] Ri-ight. SOUND    THUMPING EDEN    Are you going to tell me, or do I just get to find out for myself? CALLANDRA    Oh, my stars... MUSIC   SCENE 4 - UPSTAIRS SOUND     DOOR UNLOCKS, OPENS HENRY    [gasps] Jeez!  About flipping time!  You ever hear of unlawful imprisonment? EDEN    I've heard of burglary. HENRY    You're kinda small for a cop. EDEN    [exasperated noise] Dude.  You can come out now, but just so you know, I've got a taser. SOUND    SLOW FOOTSTEPS EDEN    [gasps, shocked] You look like--! HENRY    Got my hands up, all that.  [quoting] Don't tase me, [ending lamely] uh, bro. SOUND    A COUPLE MORE STEPS, THEN HENRY    [grunt as he lunges at her] SOUND    SCUFFLE.  FALLING FURNITURE, SOMETHING BREAKS, THEN... FREDERICK    [unearthly wail] HENRY     [screams, then gibbers until noted] SOUND    SOMETHING SMALL CLATTERS TO THE FLOOR EDEN    I hate when you do that!  That is so gross!  [tsk, annoyed sigh] You coulda left your head on... FREDERICK    [huffy] It was effective. EDEN    [sigh]  You.  What's your name? HENRY    [gibbering]  ...head came off, and cold, so cold! SOUND    SLAP HENRY    [sharp intake of breath] Wha-ah-ah? EDEN    Your name, mister burglar. HENRY    Henry.  Henry Torrence.  [whispered] What the heck was that? EDEN    A ghost.  Now, Mister Torrence, I suppose I'm gonna have to tie you up or something, so you don't try and jump me again-- HENRY    Howzabout just letting me - ya know - go? EDEN    You broke in.  I have to do something, and I really don't want to have to deal with the cops - they'll bother dad. HENRY    Look, I never hurt no one, I ain't the type.  I swear! EDEN    Still...  I think you need to stay locked up for a while.  CALLANDRA    Can I keep him?  Please?  I caught him! FREDERICK    Shut up woman, we may be able to use this fellow's services. EDEN    [ordering] March!  I'll put you somewhere better than that closet, but you better stay put or - FREDERICK    Boooooo! HENRY    [gasps] EDEN    [unenthusiastically] Yeah, that.  Boo. MUSIC   SCENE 5 - DOWNSTAIRS CALLANDRA    What do you plan to do with him?  Please say I can have him for me own - he's such a fine specimen of a man. EDEN    If you keep him, I have to feed him. CALLANDRA    Well... not necessarily... EDEN    No.  No.  No.  I'm not having any more ghosts around here. CALLANDRA    You never let me have any fun! EDEN    Besides, didn't you notice the resemblance? CALLANDRA    To a man? SOUND    WHOOSH, FF ENTERS FREDERICK    Our dear Callandra never looked above his [mocking her accent] "luuuvly broad shoulders!" CALLANDRA    Bite your tongue, Frederick!  I still have those clippings of yours, and you will sorely regret having a jape at my expense-- EDEN    Shut up!  MUSIC   SCENE 6 – BREAKFAST IN BED SOUND    MORNING BIRD NOISES SOUND    MUFFLED THUMP, RATTLE AT DOORKNOB HENRY    [yawns, waking] SOUND    CHAIN RATTLES, BEDCLOTHES RUSTLE EDEN    [muffled] Are you awake? HENRY    Yeah, sure.  Whatever. SOUND    DOOR OPENS WITH DIFFICULTY SOUND     EDEN ENTERS WITH TRAY EDEN    I hope you like bacon. HENRY     Uh, yeah! [surprised and enthused] SOUND    SHIFTING AS HE SITS UP IN BED, CHAIN MOVES HENRY    Thanks.  Breakfast in bed.  Almost like a dream, except-- SOUND    RATTLE OF CHAINS CALLANDRA    [snarky] Well, we can't have you wandering around the house like some sort of ... burglar, can we? HENRY    Does she need to be here? SOUND    SETS DOWN TRAY, DISHES RATTLE EDEN    She's my backup.  I need to talk to you. HENRY    [annoyed] Go ahead.  I don't eat with my ears. SOUND    EATING NOISES EDEN    [snort of laughter]  This is going to sound really dumb, but...  [thinks hard]  I have a kind of proposition for you. HENRY    [offended] You are way too young, and she's dead. EDEN    Huh? CALLANDRA    Shame on you! HENRY    Nothing. [eats noisily] EDEN    Ew!  [angry sigh]  Look, no.  My dad is out of town, and I need someone to pretend to be him and talk to CPS. HENRY    CPS?  The CPS?  Hell no.  I hate those bast‑‑ uh-- buttheads. EDEN    Why?  You got kids? HENRY    Never mind.  No way you can talk me into-- EDEN    We'll pay you. HENRY    --into-- How much? EDEN    Dad said we could give you a thousand.  For staying here for two weeks and pretending to be him. HENRY    He's not coming home for two weeks?  [truly offended] What the hell is wrong with him, leaving you all alone? CALLANDRA    Language!! HENRY    I don't give a flying rat's patoot about my language!  If your dad is so flipping negligent to leave you all alone for weeks at a time, [losing steam] then maybe you'd be ... better off-- EDEN    [anguish] In foster care?  No way!! HENRY    Well, no, but... don't you have any other family? EDEN    [mumbled] Not anywhere around here. HENRY    [sincere] That sucks! EDEN    Look, I'm not supposed to say anything, but my dad...  He [whispers importantly] he works for the government.  Top secret. HENRY    Seriously? EDEN    Uh-huh!  So he can't always control when he'll be back. HENRY    Why would he - why would you even trust me? EDEN    You won't get paid until after the two weeks is up.  Besides... I'm a pretty good cook? HENRY    Okay, but I have to be able to tell my mom.  She'll worry if I don't get home. EDEN    You live with your mom?  But you're like a grownup.  That's weird. HENRY    Why do you think I don't have a real job?  MUSIC   SCENE 7 – MEETING CPS FREDERICK    [sharp whisper] Now you just behave now, my lad, or I'll give you what for again. HENRY    [trying to be flippant] “Boo.”  I get it.  This makeup itches.  EDEN    Sorry.  You had to look a little older.  HENRY    It is kinda creepy how I look so much like your dad. EDEN    Yeah.  [fretting] Where IS she? SOUND    KNOCK ON THE DOOR CALLANDRA    Eep! EDEN    [to the ghosts] Scat! [quiet] Ready? HENRY    Guess we'll find out. SOUND    FEET, DOOR UNLOCKS and OPENS EDEN    Hello?  Ah.  Right on time. SHERMAN Your father--? EDEN    Right here.  Come on in. HENRY    [trying too hard to sound old] Ethan Anderson.  Pleased to meet you.  You're Ms. Sherman? EDEN    [warning] Dad!  [explaining] He's had a cold. SHERMAN [warm] Ah!  I hope you're on the mend? HENRY    [clears his throat, sounds more normal]  Yes, yes.  Much better. MUSIC   SCENE 8 – WAITING IN THE KITCHEN SOUND    FLAP OF KITCHEN DOOR, FEET CALLANDRA    [very nervous] How goes it? EDEN    Seems OK, so far.  HENRY    [off, furious] What? EDEN    Oh no! SOUND    RUNS OFF, FLAP OF DOOR EDEN    [breathless] What? HENRY    [grim] Tell her. SHERMAN [sweet] My dear, um, Eden. I was just telling your father that your school has raised issues about your father's involvement-- EDEN    Why?  He emails them all the time.  They understand how busy he is. SHERMAN We still have to take it under advisement. Now, off the record, and with the understanding that you, sir, are a fairly wealthy man, I might ask why you haven't engaged a nanny or other similar household staff-- EDEN    [QUIET, prompting] DAD!    HENRY    [angry] What business is it of yours, lady? SHERMAN Perhaps you should step out and leave us alone again, dear. EDEN    No.  I may be too young for my opinion to count, but I want to hear what you plan to do to me.  We don't need anyone to look after the house.  I can do that. SHERMAN But you shouldn't have to - you are a child, dear, and you have better things to do. EDEN    Like what?  Play Xbox and get fat? MUSIC   SCENE 9 – AFTER SHE LEAVES SOUND    FRONT DOOR SHUTS, LOCKS HENRY    You have 20 million dollars? EDEN    And a half.  Not like I can spend it.  They don't trust me - that's why they call it a trust fund. HENRY    [snort] SOUND    SHE STARTS UP THE STAIRS HENRY    Hey, we're talking here. EDEN    [upset] You're only my dad while there's an audience. HENRY    [calling] Why don't you want a nanny or something? SOUND    RUNS UP THE STAIRS CALLANDRA    Poor child.  HENRY    [gasps]  Oh, right.  CALLANDRA    Pity you're not much of a father. HENRY    [offended] You're not much help, either. CALLANDRA    Oh?  And what do you expect from me?  I've been dead over a century, boyo. HENRY    How's that work, anyway? CALLANDRA    [pouty] Don't know.  Wouldn't tell you if I did. HENRY    Fine.  Whatever.  You have anything to drink around this place? CALLANDRA    [rolls eyes] Oh, yes.  That would look terrible good to Ms. Sherman, wouldn't it? HENRY    I'm going out for a while.  Don't worry - I'll sneak out the back.  I'm good at THAT. MUSIC   SCENE 10 – HENRY'S HOME SOUND    DOOR OPENS, MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND HENRY    [sigh, then calling]  Hey mom! MOM    [bleary drunk] Baby?  That you? HENRY    [resigned] Yes, mom. MOM    Where you been?  HENRY    I gotta job, mom.  Been working. MOM    You bring me back a little something, baby?  Medicine? HENRY    [down] Tomorrow.  I promise. MOM    [sarcastic] Such a good boy.  You gon' expect me to bail you out again?  You need to get you some better friends, baby. HENRY    I'm not a baby, mom.  I'm thirty-five. MOM    You'll always be my baby, Henry, won't you?  You know how much I count on you.  How much it hurts every time you been taken away from me.  What would I do if you were in jail?  Do you ever think about that? HENRY    Yeah.  [under his breath] All the time. MUSIC   SCENE 11 – CHAT WITH DAD SOUND    COMPUTER KEYS SOUND    DOOR OPENS HENRY    Eden? EDEN    [gasps] What?  Oh!  You're back! SOUND    FOOTSTEPS HENRY    You shouldn't sit in the dark like that. EDEN    [sarcastic] Thanks dad.  [serious]  I've been chatting with my real dad. HENRY    I didn't hear anything, if that's what you're worried about. EDEN    Duh.  Computer chatting.  HENRY    Typing.  Right.  I'm not much for the whole computer thing. EDEN    That could be awkward, if Ms. Sherman decides to quiz you on what you do for a living.  Dad's a programmer. HENRY    For the government? EDEN    [scornful] No!  [realizing] Oh, I mean... uh... he's a programmer for real, but he doesn't program for them. HENRY    [suspicious] Can I type something to him? EDEN     Sure. SOUND    CHAIR SHIFTS, CLUMSY, SLOW TYPING EDEN    Is this a secret, or can I type it for you? HENRY    Yeah, go on - at this rate I'll be here all night just to say Hi.  Um... [thinking] Mister... uh ... can I call him Ethan? EDEN    [responding to dad]  All right.  He says let's turn on the microphone. SOUND    CLICK EDEN    Now you can just talk. He still has to type, though.  His mike is broken. HENRY    I don't know you, so maybe I'm not the one who should be saying this, but - here goes.  Dude, leaving your kid alone makes you a bad dad.  So what if the government needs you! EDEN    You're... serious? HENRY    Hell yeah.  You're gonna grow up robbing banks and stuff. EDEN    Hmm.  He says, just because your dad was a deadbeat, doesn't mean -- HENRY    What the hell do you think you know? EDEN    He says-- HENRY    I can see what he says.  Background check, my ass! EDEN    I told you he's a computer guy. HENRY    Fine.  You need to take care of-- EDEN    Don't tell me how to raise my daughter.  Oh, and he says "watch"-- SOUND    [some CCTV video comes on the computer] HENRY    [shocked] How did he get that? EDEN    Is that you?  Breaking into a building?  Wow.  Wait, is that the museum? HENRY    So that's your way of keeping me in line?  EDEN    Are you the one who stole the Cellini vase? HENRY    I plead the fifth.  [angry sigh] Fine.  I'll do my two weeks, and then I am the hell out of here. EDEN    [angry] Very well, you worthless wretch! HENRY    What? EDEN    [innocent] Just what he said. MUSIC   SCENE 12 – RUDE AWAKENING SOUND    POUNDING ON DOOR CALLANDRA    Mr. Anderson!!  HENRY    [sleepy] What? CALLANDRA    That woman is at the door!  HENRY    I can't answer it like this!  I don't have that old-age makeup-- CALLANDRA    Frederic! HENRY    No, no - I can do it-- SOUND    POUNDING AGAIN FREDERIC    Did I hear a cue? HENRY    No, we-- CALLANDRA    He needs to look old and ill.  And right fast. HENRY    Really, I-- FREDERIC    Hmm.  Here.  [horrible ghostly noise] HENRY    [screams] CALLANDRA    Shh! FREDERIC    Damnation.  Once that would have turned your hair quite white - as it is, you will have to wear a cap. MUSIC   SCENE 13 – CPS AGAIN SOUND    DOOR OPENS SLOWLY HENRY    [shaky] Yes? SHERMAN Took you long enough. HENRY    I was in the shower.  Nearly killed myself slipping when I came down the stairs. SHERMAN Are you going to ask me in? HENRY    You might have heard the scream. SHERMAN No. [hinting to let her in] It is rather chilly out here. HENRY    [sigh] Very well. SOUND    THEY GO IN, HE FAKES A LIMP CALLANDRA    You watch out for that one! HENRY    Shh! FREDERICK    She can't hear us unless we want her to. SHERMAN I expect Eden is at school right now? HENRY    She's a very good student. SHERMAN [disdainful] B plus. HENRY    That ain't nothing to sneeze at, lady! SOUND    SITS SHERMAN But we both know she could do better. HENRY    What makes you think that? SHERMAN You could get her tutors. HENRY    Why?  She's real smart. FREDERICK    You tell her!  But you might try using proper grammar. SHERMAN There's so many things your money could do for your daughter. HENRY    I'd rather let her be herself. CALLANDRA    Oh, that's touching, that is. SHERMAN You could send her to private school. My own son Garth is in private school. HENRY    [faltering] She has ...friends.... here. SHERMAN [hinting] A very expensive private school. HENRY    You recruiting or something?  I ain't making any decisions behind my kid's back. SHERMAN You could pay me to leave you alone. HENRY    She wants to stay --  WHAT?  CALLANDRA    Horrors! FREDERIC    Bezom! SHERMAN You must understand, Mr. Anderson, just how poorly compensated we civil servants are these days. What a completely thankless job we do. HENRY    You really just hit me up for money? SHERMAN And how particularly expensive a really good school is. HENRY    [incredulous] Money.  You're asking for money. SHERMAN Of course. HENRY    You're a skanky money-grubbing ho! FREDERIC    Filth straight from the bowels of satan's own thrice-crowned hounds of hell! SHERMAN Language! [evil nice again] You have plenty of money.  I've looked into your financials.  Not just Eden's little trust fund, but liquid assets as well.  HENRY    That's blackmail! SHERMAN Technically, it's extortion. So far.  Extortion is getting money with a threat of something yet to come. HENRY    It's still illegal. CALLANDRA    Oh, horrors! SHERMAN Blackmail, on the other hand, is getting money with the threat of revealing something from the past. Like your criminal record? HENRY    My... [confused] what? SHERMAN Mr. Anderson, I have no wish to go into detail, but do you really think I would come here with just the might of CPS behind me? HENRY    Maybe. SHERMAN No. I have something concrete on you.  HENRY    Doesn't ring a bell.  [chuckles lamely]  Criminal record?  Me?  [laughs] SHERMAN Do the words 1987 and dot com mean anything to you? HENRY    But I was just-- ["a kid", but he cuts off] SHERMAN Using an assumed name? You're very lucky no one thought to cross-reference your fingerprints before, but once they do what I did... HENRY    Oh, crap. SHERMAN I'm in no hurry. I'd be happy to take a little something up front, and then a larger payment by the end of the week, perhaps? HENRY    I'll ...see what I have lying around. MUSIC   SCENE 14 – CHAT WITH DAD SOUND    DOOR OPENS, FEET STORM IN HENRY    Is your mike on, Mr. Anderson? SOUND    COMPUTER BEEP HENRY    Good.  Cause I don't know jack about how to work these things. SOUND    COMPUTER BOOP HENRY    You heard what happened?  How? SOUND    BOOP HENRY     I didn't even notice a computer in the living room.  SOUND    BOOP HENRY    Huh?  Which button? SOUND    BOOP HENRY    No need to get snippy. SOUND     BUTTON PUSHED ETHAN    [computer generated voice]  You will go immediately to the first hill bank and trust-- HENRY    What do you mean immediately?  I gotta do grocery shopping this morning. ETHAN    Delivered. HENRY    Not for here.  for my mom. ETHAN    Get it delivered. HENRY    Hey! Mom may be an old lush, but she expects to see me from time to time. ETHAN    Bank after. HENRY    What's all this crap that witch was talking about, anyway? ETHAN    No time.  Bank today.  Take three thousand dollars-- HENRY    I can't pass for you at a damn bank!  I can't sign your name!  ETHAN     Account in your name.  Use your own I-D. HENRY    What?  In my name?  What makes you think I won't just walk off... [back on topic] Second - why three thousand?  She won't settle for just three-- ETHAN    Three thousand will pay off her car. HENRY    Damn.  You really can find out anything, can't you? MUSIC   SCENE 15 – HENRY HOME SOUND    DOOR OPENS, MOM'S HOUSE.  TV ON HENRY    I brought your groceries. MOM    Good.  Didja get any beer? HENRY    It's still in the car. MOM    Bring that in next, woudja?  That's a good boy. HENRY    [from other room, confused] Mom?  Where's my TV? MOM    Mine was ...uh...on the fritz, so I moved yours in here. HENRY    You did? MOM    I had help. HENRY    You forgot to pay, didn't you? MOM    That is no way to talk to your mother!  Besides, if you weren't gone all the time, I wouldn't have such a problem.  You know I never was good with money.  HENRY    Yeah. MOM    When did you say you'd get paid for this new job you got? MUSIC   SCENE 16 – DINNER WITH EDEN SOUND    DINNER NOISES    HENRY    You made this? EDEN    [sullen] Yeah.  HENRY    It's pretty good. EDEN    Should be.  Been cooking since I was [Callandra's accent] "just a wee thing".  [change of tone, sullen]  You were gone all day.  Again. HENRY    I came back. EDEN    Well, duh.  We're paying you to be here. HENRY    Are the ghosts joining us? EDEN    [still sullen] Frederic gets too jumpy around food, and Callandra "doesna feel tis proper." MOMENT OF SILENCE HENRY    Are you mad at me?  SOUND    THUMP - VASE ON TABLE HENRY    What the h---ay?  You going through my room? EDEN    Callandra saw you hide it.  SHE's very upset with you. CALLNDRA    [from off] Though it is a right pretty wee thing! HENRY    I had to bring it along - mom was about to use it as an ashtray. EDEN    Why do you steal? HENRY    Whoa!  That ain't polite to ask. EDEN    It isn't polite to steal. MOMENT OF SILENCE HENRY    What else am I gonna do?  Shove burgers?  I ain't even got a GED.  Without that… well… EDEN    If you're trying to convince me to stay in school, there's no point. HENRY    No way!  You gonna drop out?  Smart kid like you – you could be any darn thing you want! EDEN    Oh, please.  I already have a GED.  Or at least, I took the test – just to see, you know?  And I've taken a few college courses on the Internet.  I stay in school for the socialization.  HENRY    Huh? EDEN    I stay in school to look normal and have friends.  The work is boring as hell, but I don't want to stand out.  Do you know how hard it is to manage a B+ average? HENRY    [sarcastic] Never had that problem, myself. EDEN    [mounting upset] I have to guess on each test what the correct percentage of answers is to get wrong.  I have to dumb my writing down for essay questions.  I have to-- HENRY    Why? EDEN    Why? HENRY    Why not just say to hell with it, and let em see how smart you are? EDEN    Smart kids get noticed.  I can stand out when I'm older.  When it's safe.  MUSIC   SCENE 17 – WHERE'S DAD SOUND    COMPUTER NOISES HENRY    You need to get your butt home, dude.  Your government might need you, but your daughter needs you more. ETHAN    Not possible. HENRY    What, are you in deep cover or something?  In a foreign prison?  [slow realization]  Oh.... crap. ETHAN    We are both in crap. HENRY    No, I mean you - you're like them, aren't you? ETHAN    Define "them". HENRY    The ghosts. ETHAN    [beat] Yes. HENRY    Holy crap. ETHAN    No.  Just regular crap.  HENRY    I can't stay here forever! ETHAN    Eden needs you. HENRY    [wobbling] My mom... she needs me, too. ETHAN    Open the scanner. HENRY    What?  Oh, that.  SOUND    SCANNER NOISE ETHAN    I need your hand. MUSIC   SCENE 18 – WHERE'S MOM SOUND    SILENT HOUSE, KEY IN LOCK, DOOR OPENS HENRY    Mom, why's the TV --?  [panicky] Mom? SOUND    MOVES THROUGH, TALKING HENRY    Mom, please say you're okay.  Say something!  Hello?  Oh, jeez, what could they'a done to‑‑ [cuts off as he spots something] What? SOUND    PAPER PICKED UP HENRY    [Reading]  Hope you get this. Woulda called, but-- MOM    [continuing, guilt tripping]  --you never gave me your number at "work".  Won a cruise in a mail-in contest.  Back in a month.  "Mom."  P-S, all expenses paid - how you like them apples.  Oh, and make sure to pay the electric bill.  Want heat when I get home. HENRY    [half amused, half annoyed chuckle] Ethan, you king of all shits. MUSIC   SCENE 19 – LIKE MOTHER SOUND    OUTSIDE, DAYTIME STREET GARTH    Hey! EDEN    [suspicious]  Can I help you? GARTH    [mean chuckle] You bet. SOUND    CLICK OF CAMERA PHONE GARTH    [annoyed] Hey! EDEN    [scared, but standing her ground] If this is a mugging, I just e-mailed your picture to my dad. GARTH    He's not gonna do anything. EDEN    What makes you so sure? GARTH    My mom has him by the short hairs. EDEN    Your mom? GARTH    Sherman?  From CPS?  Ring any bells? EDEN    She went away.  Everything is fine. GARTH    Course it is.  It's fine as long as you guys play ball. EDEN    [starting to get it]  As long as we--? GARTH    Pay up.  EDEN    But that's-- GARTH    You wanna complain, go whine to your dad, he'll explain the facts of life.  For now... you got an ipod? EDEN    [starting to break] I-- GARTH    [threatening] Or should I say, do I got an ipod?  [snarl] Hand it over. SOUND    HAND OVER EDEN    [nearly in tears] There.  Choke on it, you bully! GARTH    Uh!  [shoves her] SOUND    EDEN FALLS EDEN    [gasp, trying hard not to cry] SOUND    GARTH WALKS AWAY GARTH    Hah!  She got the Bieber fever.  [nasty laugh]  Ooh!  Beyonce!  EDEN    [long sniffle] SOUND    RUNNING FEET HENRY    What happened?  Here, let me-- SOUND    SHE JUMPS UP AND THROWS HER ARMS AROUND HIM EDEN    [crying] HENRY    [nervous, not sure what to say] It's okay!  I'll handle this.  It's-- [determined, personal]  It's going to be okay. MUSIC   SCENE 20 – getting even SOUND    QUIETLY DRESSING HENRY    [whispering] It's easy to forget she's just a kid. FREDERIC    [stage whisper]  She is a most self-possessed young lady. HENRY    Shh.  She only just got to sleep. FREDERIC    And you?  Are you leaving her now, in her hour of need? HENRY    [grim] Something I gotta do. FREDERIC    In the middle of the night? SOUND    ZIPPER ZIPS FREDERIC    And dressed all in black?  I sense skullduggery! HENRY    Sense all you want, but stay quiet about it.  FREDERIC    Alas that I cannot do more than keep the light burning for your return.  HENRY    Yeah.  See you in the morning. MUSIC   SCENE 21 – SATISFACTION SOUND    LOUD BANGING ON THE FRONT DOOR, DOOR OPENS HENRY    [self satisfied] Ahh!  [yawns]  So sorry.  Long night. SHERMAN Your check bounced! HENRY    [congenial]  No, I put a stop payment on it.  Won't you come in? SHERMAN You WHAT? HENRY    I - we - aren't playing your game any more. SOUND    DOOR CREAKS OPEN A CRACK, UP CLOSE EDEN    [whispered, eavesdropping] Go, Henry! FREDERIC    I could always give her a visitation - maybe we'll get lucky and she'll keel over from the shock! EDEN    No!  He may be a butt, but I don't want you to kill some kid's mom!  CALLANDRA    They've gone into the living room! EDEN    I'll have to listen on the laptop then.  Right dad? SOUND    BEEP MUSIC   SCENE 22 – REVELATION HENRY    Would you like a soda? SHERMAN I would like an explanation. What makes you think I won't go through with turning you in? HENRY    Go ahead.  When they take my fingerprints and they don't match the ones you have on file, you'll look pretty silly. SHERMAN You - you...! HENRY    You might have noticed that I'm a bit of a computer nerd. SHERMAN Oh-ho-ho! [getting composure back]  You may have changed the prints on the system,  But you can't get into my backups. HENRY    Call my bluff. SHERMAN Very well-- HENRY    BUT-- SOUND    MOMENT OF AWKWARD PAUSE SHERMAN [worried] What? HENRY    I'm afraid you have a problem of your own. SHERMAN I have a what? Are you trying to blackmail me?  I am very careful. HENRY    About your money stuff, yeah - I'm sure you are.  This is something else.  A vase. SHERMAN A what? HENRY    Have you read the papers recently?  The museum? SHERMAN The Cellini Vase? HENRY    Yeah, that thing. SHERMAN What does that have to do with me? HENRY    It's in your house. MUSIC   SCENE 23 – FINALE EDEN    What if she finds it? HENRY    What's she gonna do with it?  She don't know no fences. CALLANDRA    Or any place to sell it either. EDEN    She might give it back? FREDERIC    And try to explain how she happened to come by such a fugitive object?  Hah! HENRY    Hah is right. EDEN    [down] So I guess this means you're gonna go now.  I mean now that it's all clear. HENRY    I guess. EDEN    Would you stay?  I mean, if you could? HENRY    I'd like to but.... I dunno.  My mom-- SOUND    BEEP ETHAN    [computer voice] Was lucky and got an apartment in a new full-service assisted living community. HENRY    What?  You can't just-- ETHAN    Try and get her out.  They have KeNo every Thursday. HENRY    [annoyed but thinking] Hmm..... Does she get to have a nice TV? ETHAN    No. HENRY    What?  How can you--? ETHAN    You will bring one to her.  EDEN    Clever. FREDERIC    Brilliant! CALLANDRA    [sniffling] Touching. HENRY    Gotcha.  And what about me? EDEN    I have four more years before I can technically be emancipated.  If you're willing to be my dad til then, we'll-- ETHAN    Pay you one hundred thousand per year. HENRY    [dubious] That's pretty good.  Hmm...  Four years. EDEN    Well, what do you want, then? HENRY    Four years sounds like a heckuva lot like college. EDEN    I'm still too young. HENRY    Nah... I was thinking... you know... [quiet] For me.  [up] But only if you'll help me get my GED and stuff. EDEN    I bet I could be a really good tutor! MUSIC    END

☎️ Text us! 310-356-3920 ☎️ What's your number one turn-off? Bad breath? A stink from down under? Your partner forgetting that you, too, can experience pleasure? In preparation for Halloween, we hear all about your horror stories in the bedroom. Mom gets accused of being someone's mistress. I accidentally accuse someone of stealing from me. Another sneaky freak proposes to my mother. Please support our show and get discounts on our favorite brands by using our sponsors' links here! CORAL – Coral is an amazing app to help improve your intimate life, whether you're single or in a relationship. Start creating deeper intimacy with Coral at https://mycoral.co/MOM FIRST ROUND'S ON ME – Sick of wasting time while swiping on dating apps? Want to go on an actual date? First Round's On Me is now available for Android and iOS! Bring back real dating. Check out the app for free at https://fromedating.com/Mom ❣️You can view this full episode in video form by going to our YouTube channel. A special huge thank you to our wonderful videographer/editor/producer, Dale!  Join our sparkling new Sneaky Freak chatroom on Discord! Just visit: https://discord.gg/jJZqkUw3dV. To gain exclusive access to all our Discord channels, join us at Patreon.com/sextalkwithmymom. If you've enjoyed the show, please consider leaving us a review at RateThisPodcast.com/Mom. Also, it would mean the world if you'd support us through Patreon.com/sextalkwithmymom – a platform where you can get exclusive STWMM bonus episodes and Zoom chats with us! Grab some Sex Talk w/ My Mom swag at sextalkwithmymom.com. Get close with us on socials at: Text us - 310-356-3920 Facebook/Instagram - @SexTalkWithMyMom Twitter - @SexTalkPodcast Website - www.SexTalkWithMyMom.com Our podcast's music was crafted by the wildly talented Freddy Avis! Check out his work at http://www.freddyavismusic.com/ Sex Talk With My Mom is a proud member of Pleasure Podcasts, a podcast collective revolutionizing the conversation around sex.

Sometimes "reality" TV takes it one step too far.  Sometimes two steps.  Sometimes a flying leap. WARNING:  IMPLIED VIOLENCE AND TORTURE Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Announcer  - Frankenvox Alison - Beverly Poole Bart - Michael Faigenblum Carl - Mike Campbell Debbie - E. Vickery Ms. Sheldon - Sharon Delong Tanya - Tanja Milojevic Mom - Shayla Conrad-Simms Dad - Reynaud LeBoeuf Son - Eli Nilsson Fred - Joel Harvey Bob - Glen Hallstrom Helen - Helen Edwards June - Shelbi McIntyre Kathy - Kim Poole Additional Voices - Russell Gold; Julie Hoverson Music by Brian Bochicchio (Seraphic Panoply) Show theme:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock   "What kind of a place is it? Why it's right here, right now, can't you tell?" ************************************************************************ IDIOT BOX Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] TV Announcer Alison, chipper Bart, sullen Carl, upbeat, hearty Debbie, nervous, angry underneath Ms. Sheldon, executive producer Tanya, in the sound booth Family - mom, dad, teenage son Bar - Fred, Bob, Helen Dorm - June, Kathy OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's right here, right now, can't you tell?  MUSIC SOUND     THEME MUSIC ANNOUNCER    last week, in the record-breaking debut of The Box, we were introduced to our four contestants: ALISON    [chipper] I'm Alison, from Santa Monica.  Hi, mom! CARL    [hearty] Carl, from Atlanta - home of the Cartoon Channel!!  DEBBIE    [nervous] Debbie, from Salem.  Uh, Oregon.  [quickly] Salem Oregon. BART    [sullen] Bart, Minneapolis [disgusted sigh]. ANNOUNCER    The rules are on the screen now for all you viewers out there, to cover the formalities.  They are also available on our website at [spelled out superfast] w-w-w-dot-s-k-i-n-n-e-r-i-d-i-o-t-b-o-x-dot-com.  AMB    FAMILY LIVING ROOM SOUND    CHIPS EATEN FROM BAG ANNOUNCER    [TV] And after this brief message, we'll show you the results of last week's voting. SOUND    CLICK OF REMOTE SOUND    POPCORN POPPING IN MICROWAVE MOM    [off] You better not have turned that off, hun! SOUND    MICROWAVE DINGS DAD    Just muted.  Sick of all these ads for freaking erectile dysfunction.  If anything's going to give a guy man-trouble, it's having to watch all those damn ads. SOUND    POURING POPCORN INTO BOWL SON    Ew, dad.  T-M-I. MOM    [coming in, munching popcorn] The one I hate is that smiling guy.  His wife just looks so scared all the time.  Almost as creepy as the King. SON    Am I adopted?  Please say yes. DAD    Ooops, back on! ANNOUNCER    [TV]  Did everyone vote? MOM    I certainly did! SON    Mom?  [disgusted noise] Why? ANNOUNCER    [TV] The voting is closed, the tabulations have been made, and the scores are coming up on the screen now. MOM    [over the announcer] Why not?  I want that nice young girl - the blonde - to win.  She's very wholesome. ANNOUNCER    [TV] And it looks like today Alison has been selected!  MOM    [satisfied] There! ANNOUNCER    We have Alison in the studio now - let's see how she takes it. SOUND     LIGHT MUSIC, ON THE TV SEGUES INTO REALITY ANNOUNCER    Hello Alison!  Say hi to everyone!  ALISON    Hi!  Hi mom!  Dad! ANNOUNCER    How's the first week been treating you? ALISON    This place is great! ANNOUNCER    Throughout the show, we'll be showing some of the fun you four have been having.  Now, why don't you tell me what you think of your new friends? ALISON    Oh, wow - everyone's really great.  ANNOUNCER    Don't you find Bart a bit... isolated? ALISON    He's just self-contained.  I'm sure he's a good guy, he just doesn't open up real easily. ANNOUNCER    And Debbie? ALISON    She's shy - a lot like my sister.  Hi Vickie!! ANNOUNCER    [chuckles] That's great. ALISON    And Carl - well, he's a blast.  He's always thinking up great stuff to do. ANNOUNCER    Yesterday you had sole access to the Dairy Dan Amusement park. ALISON    Oh, man - that was awesome!  They closed the gates and we got to ride all the rides all day long - no lines, no crowds!  Woo! ANNOUNCER    You've been chosen. ALISON    Woo!  [stumbles] I - What?  What? SOUND    CONTROL BOOTH ANNOUNCER    [TV]  Please step into the box. ALISON    [TV - gasp, then steels herself]  Right.  [somewhat bitter] Thanks America. SHELDON That's the shot - tight in on 2, now 3 - yes! Keep her face centered until she shuts the door. TANYA    Got it. SHELDON Okay, keep the volume low on that. It's early yet - don't want to wear out the viewers... SOUND    [TV] ELECTRIC SHOCK NOISE, SOMEWHAT BRIEF ALISON    [TV - short scream] ANNOUNCER    [TV] We'll be right back after the break to find out what today's challenge will be. AMB    DORM ROOM JUNE    Omigod!  Omigod!  Did you see that? KATHY    [distracted] Hmm?  No but I sure heard it - did they just do what I think they did? JUNE    They just shocked the crap out of the blonde chick! KATHY    Was there actually crap? JUNE    [duh] She was in the box.  Shh.  It's coming back on. SOUND    TV TURNS UP ANNOUNCER    [TV] We'll be right back with more of The Box after these messages. SOUND    SOUND DOWN AGAIN JUNE    I hate when they do that. KATHY    Shock someone? JUNE    No, have the logo come up and make you think the show is back on. KATHY    Yeah, that's much worse. JUNE    You know what I mean!  It was totally mean that they shocked her - she's the one who got the most votes! KATHY    Isn't that what everyone was voting for? JUNE    No!  At least, I don't think so - I mean, I thought it was voting for who would win something cool.  I ...voted for her. KATHY    You actually voted? JUNE    On the website, yeah. KATHY    Of course there's a website.  Maybe you should read the fine print. JUNE    Oh, oh!  It's back on!  Jeez, look at her poor hair! SOUND    TV UP ANNOUNCER    [TV] Back to the interview room, to hear from Alison. ANNOUNCER    [real] Before we go on, I need to point out, this is the only time you can choose to leave the show.  Are you prepared to stay? ALISON    [gulps, then quiet]  Yes.  [clears her throat, louder]  Yes.  [very shaky] That wasn't so bad. ANNOUNCER    Excellent.  Now I believe you recently graduated from college, Alison.  What did you get your degree in? AMB    BAR ALISON    [TV]  I'm a liberal arts major, with a minor in art history. FRED    So she's unemployed, eh? ANNOUNCER    [TV]  And you are engaged to be married? BOB    Too bad.  All the cute ones are taken.  Even with that weird hairdo. SOUND    TV SWITCHED TO SPORTS FRED    Hey, we were watching that! HELEN    Why?  It's awful, letting them mess with people on TV like that! FRED    [scornful] It's not real.  BOB    Course it is - it even has a website! HELEN    Puh-leez.  Lots of things have websites that aren't real. BOB    Name one. HELEN    Pamela Anderson's boobs. FRED    She got you there, pal. BOB    C'mon - just switch it back long enough to see what today's challenge is?  Please? HELEN    Ya big softie, you. SOUND    TV CHANGES BACK ANNOUNCER    [TV] Carl, you got the second most votes this week - Do you have anything to say to the viewers at home?  Obviously you're doing something right, to get so many votes. CARL    [TV]  I think it's just my sunny personality, Bob.  People like winners, and I am a winner. AMB    LIVING ROOM SON    Weiner. MOM    Language! SON    [dismissive noise] Doesn't that dipstick know that most votes gets zapped? DAD    Maybe he doesn't - they might not tell THEM everything, either.  Makes sense.  Why else would they be so excited? SON    But that sucks!  That sucks big time!  Here they are, trying to be all cool and get people to vote for them, and they're like masterminding their own torture or something. DAD    It's just a game,  No one really gets hurt. MOM    Well, I was kind of upset that Alicia-- SON    Alison. MOM    Yes, that she got shocked.  I didn't know that voting for her would do that.  I kind of feel bad now. SON    Well, don't vote for her next time. MOM    I certainly won't! ANNOUNCER    [on TV] Well, we've spoken to two of our four contestants, and the voting is open for the halftime winner.  Go on line now or text to-- SOUND    TV MUTES, AMB/DORM SOUND    COMPUTER KEYS KATHY    What are you doing? JUNE    Voting. KATHY    Vicious much? JUNE    No! I - I just don't want her to have to get shocked again.  Damn!  It only lets me choose one of those two - not the other guy. KATHY    So you want to see him get shocked? JUNE    Well, no, but I like him the least. KATHY    Just cause you don't think he's cute. SOUND    ONE LAST KEY JUNE    Um, there. KATHY    So who'd you vote for? JUNE    The guy - the nice one - of course.  I like him, too, but I don't want her to get shocked again. SOUND    TV UP AGAIN ANNOUNCER    [TV] Regular text messaging fees apply.  And now‑‑ SOUND    OMINOUS MUSIC ROLLS IN ANNOUNCER    [TV, ominous] The moment in the spotlight.  Will it be Alison or Carl?  The voting closes in three minutes, so hurry up and make your vote count - if the lines are overloaded, make sure and try back - but be quick.   [normal] While we wait, let's watch some clips from the preliminary interviews with the other two contestants. MUSIC ANNOUNCER    [TV] And what are you studying? DEBBIE    [TV] I'm - um - a poli sci major. FRED    So she's gonna end up unemployed too. BOB    Whatever happened to good old trade schools? FRED    They're still around - just the trades aren't.  You seen any cobblers in the U.S. of A recently?  Nope.  It's all farmed out to Pakistan and Koala Lumper. HELEN    Lumpur. FRED    Sez you. HELEN    I can turn it off, you know. BOB    Yeah - see now Helen here's got a job that can't be farmed out - long as there's guys like us, there's always gonna be bars, eh? FRED    Until they invent a mixology robot. BOB    Hey, the lights are flashing on the screen, must be something important. SOUND    TV TURNED UP. SOUND    OMINOUS MUSIC INTENSIFIES ANNOUNCER    [TV; evil "suspense" pacing]  And the one who got the most halftime votes.  Will it be Alison, our stoic liberal arts major? JUNE    Yes, yes - come on come on!!! ANNOUNCER    [TV] Or Carl, who tutors children with learning disabilities. MOM    Oh, that's awful! SON    Awful? That he works with retarded kids? MOM    [almost a whisper] That I voted for him. ANNOUNCER    [TV] And the one who got the most votes in the 8-minute half-time poll was-- SOUND    HEAVY DRUMBEAT ANNOUNCER    [TV] Was-- SOUND    HEAVY DRUMBEAT KATHY    Look at how much she's sweating! JUNE    You'd sweat too if you just got shocked! ANNOUNCER    [TV] is -Carl! JUNE    Whew! KATHY    Shh.  Let's see what happens. ANNOUNCER    [TV] This means that at the end of tonight's show, Carl will be up against the second half winner in a showdown to see who gets a million dollars sent to the charity of their choice. HELEN    Waitaminute - she gets shocked and he gets a chance to win big bucks?  That's so not fair! FRED    That's the way it is.  Women always getting the short stick. HELEN    Especially when they're dating you, eh? BOB    [laughs, tried to stop] FRED    Yeah, yeah - you can joke now, but I'll give you 70-30 odds that the other winner is that other guy. BOB    The grouch? FRED    Yup.  Is it a bet? BOB    Fifty bucks? FRED    Whoah, whoah!  Let's not get carried away here, now. MUSIC - OPENING THEME, PLAYS FOR A MOMENT ANNOUNCER    Entering week five of The Box, you can see the ratings posted for our four contenders.  [hushed] Last week, it looked as though Debbie had finally broken-- DEBBIE    [TV] I hate it!  I hate you all! You can all just go and-- SOUND    LONG SERIES OF BLEEPED WORDS SOUND    ZAPPING AND SCREAMING UNDER NEXT LINE ANNOUNCER    But after her trip to the box, she refused to cry off. DEBBIE    [TV] [breathing heavily and gulping] No [gasp] way! [gasp]  You don't [gasp] get rid of me [long shaky breath] that easily. [sob] ANNOUNCER    And now, a new week - and what was this week's challenge? STUDIO AUDIENCE Fasting! ANNOUNCER    Yes, fasting.  Whoever could go the longest without eating even a single bite of food got a free pass this week‑‑ ANNOUNCER    [TV] --and we'll find out who managed that in just a moment - after a few words from our sponsors. SOUND    CLICK, SOUND OFF JUNE    [urging] C'mon Debbie! KATHY    Debbie?  Hah.  She's got no body fat to start with.  Bart has a much better chance of surviving-- JUNE    Don't say that!  You just like him cause you know I don't! KATHY    I root for the underdog.  It's a principal. And no one likes that poor bastard. JUNE    If no one likes him, how come Debbie's the one always getting shocked, huh?  [almost a sob] Huh? ANNOUNCER    [TV]  Let's bring our four contestants out on stage to hear who's going to be free and clear for another week.  Alison-- SOUND    MUSIC UP, DOOR OPENS, SHAKY FOOTSTEPS ANNOUNCER    [real] Alison, how are you feeling? ALISON    [trying to be perky] Not too bad.  I made it almost three whole days on nothing but water.  ANNOUNCER    But then you lost it? ALISON    [heavy sigh] Yeah, I had to give in and get something.  [resigned] I figured fine - just put me in the box.  At least that eventually ends.  ANNOUNCER    Thank you, Alison.  Now go over to the isolation booth while we talk with each of your friends. ALISON    [venomous] Friends?  Hah! ANNOUNCER    [TV, confidential] She needs to learn to be careful about trading today's pain for tomorrow's - what she doesn't know is we've [ramping up] turned the voltage up another notch! AUDIENCE    [TV, CHEERS] HELEN    This just keeps getting worse.  It has to be against the law. BOB    Oh, come on.  They signed waivers, didn't they?  Plus, it's all fake - like wrestling.  Seriously.  Even if they did do this stuff, they have to have doctors and all on staff - make sure no one really gets hurt. SOUND    UNWRAPPING AND OPENING A FORTUNE COOKIE FRED    Hey, listen to this - "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." BOB    Figures the Chinese would think of that first. FRED    Nah.  The Chinese didn't make that up. HELEN    Then who did say it? FRED    [immediate] Thomas Jefferson. BOB    I don't think so. FRED    Yeah?  And who do you think it was? BOB    Some Greek philosopher or other.  [idea] Julius Caesar! HELEN    You guys make your bet, I'll call Jonesy on the next commercial and he can google it. SOUND    TV TURNS UP ANNOUNCER    [TV]  So Bart, you made it the longest without eating - you have any special tips for the viewers out there on how you did it? BART    [real] Huh? ANNOUNCER    Any tips?  We'll give you a minute - these moments of uncertainty are just further proof that our show is live and unedited.  While Bart ponders this, I'll recap - Alison gave into her craven need for food first, followed by Carl and Debbie - in a virtual photo finish, where Debbie held out for one millisecond longer than Carl.  Good going Debbie! BART    I hate you. ANNOUNCER    Hmm?  What's that? BART    I hate you and all you stand for.  ANNOUNCER    Do I hear an opt-out coming?  For those of you just tuning in, during this episode and this episode alone, any of our four contestants can opt out at any time - not just immediately following a trip into the Box.  So Bart, are you-- SOUND    A BEEP TRIES TO CUT HIM OFF ON THE FIRST WORD BART    Fuck you!  You can't get rid of me that easily.  BART    [TV] I don't care how many times you drug me and try to get me to bow down to the corporate machine!  You and all you people at home - you are sadistic bastards, but I'm here for the long haul - And when I finish, whether I win or not, I will be traveling around the country demanding the pound of flesh each and every one of you bastards owe me!!! KATHY    For god's sake, turn it off. JUNE    No, he's making a valid point.  We shouldn't be party to this. KATHY    The very act of watching it validates it. JUNE    No.  I'm only doing this to bear witness. KATHY    The advertisers don't care.  They just want to you to watch. JUNE    Well, I won't vote any more. KATHY    Then you can't complain when your favorite gets zapped. JUNE    [upset] Oh hell! ANNOUNCER    [TV]  Well, that was very enlightening.  Before you out there start emailing and phoning - please refer to clause 42 slash 8 slash F, subsection I-I-I, paragraph y, where it sets out the game's rules covering mental illness or defect.  Thank you, and good night! SOUND    TV TURNED OFF HELEN    Anyone checked out the big pools? FRED    What do you mean? HELEN    There's huge bets all over the place - everyone guessing who's gonna last the longest. BOB    Well, no one's washed out yet. FRED    They're a tough bunch of kids, but I bet I could make it on that show.  Age does bring wisdom. BOB    To who? FRED    You're too young to remember this, but I was a P-O-W in nam [rhymes with "ham"].  I been through it all.  Torture, deprivation, brain washing. HELEN    They sure got yours squeaky clean. SOUND    DRINKS WHOLE BEER DOWN. BOB    Ahhh. MUSIC    ANNOUNCER    This week, week 9 of The Box, we might just lose a second contestant.  ANNOUNCER     [TV] Alison, you've spent three days in this jacuzzi - brought to us courtesy of Big Joe's cut-rate pools and spas.  Now, people might think this was fun, but of course, you can't fall asleep or you might drown!  ALISON    [TV, parched, delirious]  You suck, Bob. FRED    Friend of yours? BOB    You wish. ALISON     [TV]  Get me out. ANNOUNCER    [TV] You do know that whomever leaves their jacuzzi first goes directly into the box? ALISON     [TV] No!  I want out!  OUT!  I can't - you can't make me stay here! JUNE    They can't, can they? KATHY     How much you wanna bet she signed something that says they can? JUNE    That's illegal! KATHY    Being stupid and greedy?  Nah.  They'd run out of prisons.  Unless you subscribe to the idea that our whole world is a prison. JUNE    [very upset] Don't talk like that - look at that poor girl!  They're just dragging her across the stage! KATHY    Wow.  I wouldn't'a thought it would take three guys to handle her, after all the crap she's been through. ALISON    [TV - screaming weakly and struggling] ANNOUNCER    [TV] It is understood, under the rules, that the clemency episode has run out and, once again, the only time you can opt out is right after a session in the box-- SON    If she's all wet, wouldn't that make the shock worse? DAD    At least her hair doesn't end up all weird since they shaved her head after that challenge last week-- SON    Three weeks ago. DAD    Really?  Anyway, they probably compensate somehow. MOM    Are you sure? DAD    [unsure] Well... They can't really hurt her - that would be... ANNOUNCER    [TV]     Oh, and - I've just got a word from the producer!  We've got a three minute vote - so grab your phones!  ANNOUNCER    [real] Now this will cost one dollar per vote, so make yours count!  Dial the studio number and hit 1 if you want us to let Allison forfeit and leave now, push 2 if you think we should hold her to the rules.  And voting opens [beat, then TV] Now! SHELDON Start the positive counter. TANYA    On it.  Running. NARRATOR     [TV] The positive votes will tally right here on the corner of the screen, and if, after the vote closes, there are more positive than negative votes, Alison will  immediately leave the studio - damper but wiser... BOB    Man, I wish I was in Vegas. FRED    Nah - you know what's going to happen.  The odd's'll be crap. HELEN    Course.  They'll let her go. FRED    You gotta lotta faith in people, babe.  Nah.  I'll give you 10 to 1 she's gonna ride the lightning. BOB     [incredulous] "Ride the lightning?" FRED    You know - old sparky. The electric chair?  Man where have you been? BOB    Considering no one's been executed in an electric chair in this state for - um - help me out Helen-- HELEN    50 years. BOB    50 years. FRED    Really? HELEN    How the hell'm I supposed to know? BOB    Well, whatever - a long time.  HELEN    Actually, I think this state always hanged people. FRED    Hung. BOB    The countdown! 5 - 4 - JUNE    3-2- MOM    [almost breathless] One. ANNOUNCER    [TV]  All votes are in, and as you can see, we had a regular landslide of support for our dear friend Allison here.  we have 4 million six hundred seventy two thousand, three hundred and forty-two votes for clemency.  Good for you everyone!  We'll show the other side, right after this-- SOUND    TV OFF DAD    No way! MOM    You can't    ! SON    I won't watch any more of this.  This is brutal. MOM    [angry] Don't you dare!  How can we not ... find out? SON    No. MOM    Just until they announce it - we don't have to watch ...if she... SON    Gets it? SOUND    REMOTE THROWN ONTO TABLE SON    You do what you want.  I'll be in the garage. SOUND    [after a moment] TV CLICKS ON COMMERCIAL    [something] KATHY    I bet the commercials for this cost top dollar.  Like superbowl ads. JUNE    How can you just be so snarky - that girl could die! KATHY    Nah.  They can't do that.  It would be illegal. JUNE    Not normally, but remember when that guy had a stroke on "Danger Island" last year?  The family sued, but the waiver made it perfectly legit.  KATHY    And that wasn't even that exciting. ANNOUNCER    [on TV]  For those just tuning in, we have perky little Allison in the Box, awaiting your verdict.  [continues under] Does she take the next shock, or have you tipped toward clemency for this poor girl? SHELDON Give them the split picture. TANYA    Before and after? SHELDON Uh-huh. [grim] Show them what they did. ANNOUNCER    [on TV] The negative votes have been tallied.  SOUND    DRUM ROLL, OMINOUS MUSIC ANNOUNCER    [ON TV] And we had 4 million six hundred seventy two thousand, three hundred and forty-two votes to let her go.  BOB    I'm still saying they'll let her off.  FRED    Nope.  You already lost that twenty, pal. HELEN    Shh! ANNOUNCER    [TV] The negative count is seven million three hundred-- SOUND    TV OFF KATHY    Did you vote? JUNE    Yes.  [beat]  Twenty times. KATHY    [shrug] You can't beat the bastards. JUNE    But if everyone just voted a few more times... KATHY    Three million more times. JUNE    How can people be so horrible? SOUND    [NEXT DOOR TV] SCREAMING PEOPLE    [laughing] SOUND    POUNDING ON WALL JUNE    [yelling at them] How can you be so horrible?? KATHY    They're drunk.  Didn't you see the sign? JUNE    [half a sob] Sign? KATHY    The one that said "come to gary's room, get drunk and watch The Box"? JUNE    [down] No. KATHY    Look, turn it on.  You'll see she's not dead or anything, then you'll feel better. JUNE    But what if she's not?  I mean, what if she is?  I mean-- KATHY    [sigh] Then you'll know. SOUND    [beat, then] TV TURNS ON SOUND    [on TV] AMBULANCE SIRENS JUNE    [sob] MOM    [sob] Her poor parents! DAD    Don't worry so much - she's not dead. MOM    She was for 43 seconds. DAD    That doesn't even count these days - happens all the time on House. MOM    [very upset] But this is real! SOUND    [on tv] MUSIC UP ANNOUNCER    [tv]  And we'll be checking in with Allison as soon as she regains consciousness to confirm her wish to opt out.  For now, the game comes down to Bart and Carl.  ANNOUNCER    Don't forget - no matter what happens, the game's big final episode is in two weeks.  SOUND    CAMERA OFF SHELDON Nicely done. ANNOUNCER    It's really wearing me thin. SHELDON Almost over. And after today's vote, there's no way the station can afford to cancel us. ANNOUNCER    [sigh, then grudging] Two more shows.  SHELDON [with meaning] And then we announce the results. MUSIC - OPENING THEME, PLAYS FOR A MOMENT AMB     NOISY BAR BOB    [ordering] Another one. FRED    Packed tonight. SOUND    DRINK SET DOWN HELEN    It's the finale. FRED    [tired] Oh, yeah.  That. BOB    Bottom's up! HELEN    Slow down, or I'm gonna have to pour you into a cab. SOUND    CAR KEYS SLAPPED ONTO THE BAR, SCOOPED UP SOUND    GLASS SET DOWN HARD BOB    Ahhh. CROWD    ROAR OF EXCITEMENT HELEN    Hold on!  I'll get it. SOUND    TV SOUND UP MUSIC    FANFARE ANNOUNCER    It's the night we've all been waiting for.  The night the final results are announced.  And we will have an ultimate winner.  Let's recap what the winner will walk away with.  SOUND    VOLUME DOWN SOUND    DOOR OPENS KATHY    Oh, you're not watching that, are you?  [sneer] I thought you decided it wasn't worth it! JUNE    [shell shocked] I can't not watch!  I have to know! KATHY    Look, let's go to the library or something. JUNE    No!  I would die of suspense! KATHY    It's not-- SOUND    TV VOLUME COMES UP KATHY    [sigh] I'm not staying. SOUND    DOOR CLOSES ANNOUNCER    And the contest comes down to our two finalists, Bart and Carl.  They have endured amazing hardship to make it this far.  Do you have anything you want to say to the people at home, Bart? BART    You still suck and you always will.  Every single one of you!  Every person who just sits by and supports this shit! ANNOUNCER    [still jovial]  And yet, you have continued to play our sick little games - as you call them - despite being offered chance after chance to leave. BART    Hah!  I don't plan to fucking let you win, you scumbags! ANNOUNCER    Well said.  And you, Carl, do you have anything for the audience? CARL    [mumbles] ANNOUNCER    Speak up? CARL    [vague, reciting] We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.  Sitting by lone sea-- lone sea....  the sea.  The sea.  See see oh playmate, come out and play with me.... [fades out] ANNOUNCER    There you have it, folks.  And now we go to our man in the street interviewer, Tanya.  Take it away! TANYA    Thank you.  I'm in a major metropolitan center here, asking people on the street what they think of the Box. ANNOUNCER    If they're outside right now, instead of glued to their sets, they must not think much of it. BOTH    [fake laugh] SOUND    TV OFF SOUND    EATING MOM    What?  Don't you dare! DAD    Hey, we were watching that! SON    Are you enjoying this? MOM    Enjoying? DAD    What do you mean? SON    All this shit they've put those people through!  You can barely tell them apart now, after they've been starved and had their heads shaved.  They look like concentration camp victims! MOM    But - but this is the last show! DAD    What does it matter if we watch or don't watch? SOUND    THROWING DOWN A REMOTE SON    Do what you want.  I'll just hope for a six-car pileup.  Maybe you'll trade up. SOUND    DOOR OPENS AND SHUT SOUND    REMOTE TAKEN, TV ON ANNOUNCER    And for tonight, the big surprise is-- SOUND    DRUM ROLL, OMINOUS MUSIC ANNOUNCER    Two boxes! SOUND    CANNED CHEERING ANNOUNCER    One for each of you.  While we get them all set, here's a word from our sponsor! AMB    BAR CROWD    Buzzing "two boxes?" BOB    [slurry] Whaddaya think they've got up their shleeves? FRED    They're gonna kill one of those boys. HELEN    [confidential] I heard that girl Allison is in a private clinic, barely alive. FRED    Where'd you--? HELEN    Internet.  BOB    [sarcastic]  Yeah.  Then it's probably true. SOMEONE    Turn it up! HELEN    Got it! SOUND    TV UP ANNOUNCER    And now.  The moment of truth!  All the votes have been tallied.  As you can see, we have Bart over here in the red box-- SOUND    CANNED APPLAUSE ANNOUNCER    [tv] --and Carl over there in the blue. SHELDON close up on Bart, camera 2. Yeah, baby, clench that jaw.  Now cut to that trickle of sweat on Carl's face.  Nice. TANYA    Back to the announcer? SHELDON One more second, and - yes! ANNOUNCER    [tv] And now, with the votes tallied, we will find out who you out there have selected as the big winner, and who has to take the big penalty.  ANNOUNCER    [real] But first, we caught each of our contestants here on secret camera last night.  Let's see what they were doing on the penultimate night. SOUND    QUICK JAB OF STATIC VOICE    [tv] ...need to get out now.  You don't understand what they have planned for tomorrow.  It's so much worse! AMB    BAR BOB    Who the hell izzat? BART    [TV] [scoff] Worse?  Worse how? HELEN    Don't know.  FRED    Look at that announcer fellow - he's surprised too.  HELEN    [half a chuckle]  Serves him right. ANNOUNCER    [tv] Sorry - we should have screened that clip before playing it.  Let's go over to Carl's shot. CARL    [tv] Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall--[cuts out suddenly] ANNOUNCER    [tv] And that's all the time we have for that.  And now the moment of truth.  Carl or Bart?  You held their fate in your hands. SOUND    COMMERCIAL COMES ON UNDER MOM    [coming in]  Where's Kyle?  Have you seen Kyle? DAD    [mesmerized]  He'll be back.  Just ... went out to a friend's house.  Probably. MOM    You should turn that off and find him! DAD    We can look in ten minutes just as easily as we can look now! MOM    This is our son! DAD    It's almost over! SOUND    OMINOUS MUSIC ON TV ANNOUNCER    [tv] And now.  The final countdown. MOM    Five minutes. SOUND    SHE SITS ANNOUNCER     [tv]  This has been quite a journey for everyone - and we would like to thank you all for your support and participation. BOB    Support?  I'd shoot that stupid bastard if I had a chance.  And a gun. HELEN    You're not the only one, but a lot of people paid a lot of money into that damn show. ANNOUNCER    [tv] --making us the highest rated network series ever-- FRED    yeah, and even WE count for ratings, since we happen to be watching it. BOB    [steaming into an alcoholic rage] Then let's not watch it! SOUND    SLAMS GLASS ON BAR, LIQUID SLOSHES FRED    Calm down, pal. BOB    No! Is this what our world has come to?  This crap?? SOUND    THROWS BEER GLASS AT TV, TV DIES, BUT OTHER SET PLAYS ON IN THE BACKGROUND CROWD    [Shocked silence] FRED    Great, one down, only seven hundred million TV sets to go. HELEN    I'll put it on your tab. CROWD     [chatter begins again] ANNOUNCER    [tv] --will definitely be returning for a second season, starting next fall-- SOUND    DOOR OPENS ANNOUNCER    [tv] --and we're looking at celebrity contestants.  TANYA    [tv]  That will be a whole new ballgame. KATHY    Sorry, didn't know it was still on. JUNE    [distraught] Stay.  Please. KATHY    Ugh.  Why? JUNE    Because I don't think I'll make it otherwise. KATHY    Make what? ANNOUNCER    [tv] And now for the final outcome.  MOM    Yes? DAD    About time. ANNOUNCER    [tv]  the final results. FRED    Don't call the police.  I'll get him home. HELEN    Yeah.  This time. ANNOUNCER    [tv] What we've all been working toward. JUNE    [crying] Can't they just say it? TV, MUSIC SWELLS, THEN CUTS OUT SUDDENLY JUNE    What? HELEN    Shit, must have blown the circuit. DAD    The electricity's still on! KATHY    Is there something wrong with your TV? MOM    No!  It's practically new! FRED    Come on.  Quitting time, pal. SOUND    TEST PATTERN NOISE, THEN MUSIC SUDDENLY CUTS BACK IN ANNOUNCER    Thank you all for participating in our experiment.  MOM    [gasp] ANNOUNCER    As you can see, all of our actors are in perfect health. JUNE    [sob]  How could they--? KATHY    Bastards. ANNOUNCER    We would love to hear your reactions to this show.  Please feel free to leave us a message at www-dot- SOUND    TV SWITCHES OFF HELEN     [last call voice] Allright.  That's it. CLOSER   [NOTE:  George Santayana, author of the quote.]

☎️ Text us! 310-356-3920 ☎️ Mom turns a year older and celebrates with a thirst trap! We tackle the perennial question: How comfortable do you feel farting, peeing, or pooping in front of your sexual partner? Also, have you ever really connected with your partner if neither of you has let out a dank toot while bumping uglies? I share my revelations about the connection between trust and sex. Mom puts out a PSA against "sunning" your perineum. Enjoy! Please support our show and get discounts on our favorite brands by using our sponsors' links here! UBERLUBE – UberLube is our favorite lube! Perfect for oral, anal, and vaginal sex. Use code MOM at www.UberLube.com for 10% off and free shipping. HELIX – An excellent mattress is essential for fantastic sex. Our pick is Helix Sleep because they're super comfy and custom to your needs! Right now you can get up to $200 off and two free pillows when you go to www.helixsleep.com/sextalk. CORAL – Coral is an amazing app to help improve your intimate life, whether you're single or in a relationship. Start creating deeper intimacy with Coral at https://mycoral.co/MOM ❣️You can view this full episode in video form by going to our YouTube channel. A special huge thank you to our wonderful videographer/editor/producer, Dale!  Join our sparkling new Sneaky Freak chatroom on Discord! Just visit: https://discord.gg/jJZqkUw3dV. To gain exclusive access to all our Discord channels, join us at Patreon.com/sextalkwithmymom. If you've enjoyed the show, please consider leaving us a review at RateThisPodcast.com/Mom. Also, it would mean the world if you'd support us through Patreon.com/sextalkwithmymom – a platform where you can get exclusive STWMM bonus episodes and Zoom chats with us! Grab some Sex Talk w/ My Mom swag at sextalkwithmymom.com. Get close with us on socials at: Text us - 310-356-3920 Facebook/Instagram - @SexTalkWithMyMom Twitter - @SexTalkPodcast Website - www.SexTalkWithMyMom.com Our podcast's music was crafted by the wildly talented Freddy Avis! Check out his work at http://www.freddyavismusic.com/ Sex Talk With My Mom is a proud member of Pleasure Podcasts, a podcast collective revolutionizing the conversation around sex.

☎️ Text us! 310-356-3920 ☎️ What sexual experience do you wish you had said yes to? That threesome with two football players? The cougar who wanted to buy you a drink? Not pegging your ex? This week we share all about our sexual regrets. My mom gets to the bottom of what squirting actually is. I share one of my grossest experiences to date. Please support our show and get discounts on our favorite brands by using our sponsors' links here! CORAL – Coral is an amazing app to help improve your intimate life, whether you're single or in a relationship. Start creating deeper intimacy with Coral at https://mycoral.co/MOM ❣️You can view this full episode in video form by going to our YouTube channel. A special huge thank you to our wonderful videographer/editor/producer, Dale!  Join our sparkling new Sneaky Freak chatroom on Discord! Just visit: https://discord.gg/jJZqkUw3dV. To gain exclusive access to all our Discord channels, join us at Patreon.com/sextalkwithmymom. If you've enjoyed the show, please consider leaving us a review at RateThisPodcast.com/Mom. Also, it would mean the world if you'd support us through Patreon.com/sextalkwithmymom – a platform where you can get exclusive STWMM bonus episodes and Zoom chats with us! Grab some Sex Talk w/ My Mom swag at sextalkwithmymom.com. Get close with us on socials at: Text us - 310-356-3920 Facebook/Instagram - @SexTalkWithMyMom Twitter - @SexTalkPodcast Website - www.SexTalkWithMyMom.com Our podcast's music was crafted by the wildly talented Freddy Avis! Check out his work at http://www.freddyavismusic.com/ Sex Talk With My Mom is a proud member of Pleasure Podcasts, a podcast collective revolutionizing the conversation around sex.

Reddit rSlash Storytime r entitledparents where "You are who I tell you to be." said by my Mom "You don't need this cat!You have four!" my mom traumatized me to the point that I can't even remember my childhood but she's trying to make up for it by bringing me to Disneyland instead of bringing me to the dentist EM tries to run off with my dog. Entitled Mother wants to demand use of my laundryroom.... and my husband. (long) See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Slow Living Podcast with Host Stephanie O'Dea Episode 34 - Mom You're AmazingOverview I love helping listeners embark upon their own journey to Slow Down, and live the life they've always dreamt about: one filled with peace, purpose, and abundance. I understand how you're feeling when you are rushing around trying to do “all the things,” always playing catch up and finding time to get things done. I know because I'm a mom too. It's okay to stop and breathe. My philosophy isn't about cramming more and more into an already over-packed schedule, instead I offer realistic tips and plans to get things done quickly and efficiently so you can do things you want to do. Show Links Mom, You're Amazing!: And Other Things I Want to Tell You - https://www.amazon.com/Mom-Youre-Amazing-Other-Things/dp/B09WZC8T8J (https://www.amazon.com/Mom-Youre-Amazing-Other-Things/dp/B09WZC8T8J ) Simple Shortcuts to Peace - https://stephanieodea.com/peace (https://stephanieodea.com/peace) New You - https://stephanieodea.com/newyou (https://stephanieodea.com/newyou) Masterclass - https://stephanieodea.com/masterclass/ (https://stephanieodea.com/masterclass/) Simple Shortcuts to Peace -https://stephanieodea.com/peace/ ( https://stephanieodea.com/peace/) Website - https://stephanieodea.com/ (https://stephanieodea.com) Blog - https://stephanieodea.com/blog/ (https://stephanieodea.com/blog/) Podcast Page - https://stephanieodea.com/podcast (https://stephanieodea.com/podcast) Speaking Opportunities - https://stephanieodea.com/speaking/ (https://stephanieodea.com/speaking/) Coaching Opportunities - https://stephanieodea.com/coaching/ (https://stephanieodea.com/coaching/) Courses - https://stephanieodea.com/courses/ (https://stephanieodea.com/courses/) Contact - https://my.captivate.fm/stephanieodea.com/contact/ (stephanieodea.com/contact/) Stephanie's Story I know what it feels like to want to live a calm, peaceful, and harmonious life but you feel like you can't because there is simply too much to do. I believe that if we are lucky, life is long. You are not behind, and you don't need to rush around, trying to catch up. My philosophy isn't about cramming more and more into an already over-packed schedule. Instead, I want to you to stop. Breathe. It's all going to be okay. I want you to live out the life you've always dreamt about — the one that gets you excited to get up in the morning and puts a goofy grin on your face. Because the laundry, chores, soccer practice, meal planning, and litter box scooping? That's not WHO you are; that's not your identity. Those are the things you HAVE TO do. So let's make a realistic plan to get them over & done with, quickly & efficiently so you can finally be the person you've always wanted to be, and do the things you actually WANT TO do. I am here to support you. Ship It Studios Website: https://www.shipitstudios.com/ (https://www.shipitstudios.com) Podcast Page - https://www.shipitstudios.com/slowliving (https://www.shipitstudios.com/slowliving) Podcast Network - https://www.shipitstudios.com/podcast-network (https://www.shipitstudios.com/podcast-network) Description: We are Cinephiles. We are Gamers. We are Marks. We are Ultras. We are the 12th Man. We are Ship It Studios. It's become our mission to seek out the most fun and creative ways to revisit your favorite fandoms. Join us as we revisit all of our favorite things through live coverage, reviews, debates, power rankings, and fantasy drafts.

Beyond the fact that you should always be doing the basics no matter the market, Jen Du Plessis has five strategies for working less and making more money. She went from $50 million to over $100 million following these steps and having fun; she also shares three key steps to making it all work. Why you've got to check out this episode: Learn to look into the prized core values of your business and personal brand, so you don't compromise the principle of non-negotiables. Discover how to develop work-day-themes, so you get intentional with what you do and energized every day at work. Find out how to get things done and achieve results quickly while enjoying life. Are you in a never-ending fight-flight-fun mode? Do you always have this 'fear of missing out' that you want everyone to know your 'busyness' and enjoy sharing it everywhere? Perhaps you are too engrossed with many things in your mind and glorify busyness so much that you forget what is most important- yourself and your health. Why not pause, breathe, and realize that 'busyness' doesn't always make you look accomplished. In today's episode on the REI Branded podcast, Jen Du Plessis shares how you can have it all without doing it all. She drives home the point of designing a life that fulfills you and one you truly want by working on purpose while having the time of your life with family and loved ones. Her five strategies got her from $50 million to $102 million while working only four days a week. 3 Rs Read Resource Reflect Read: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki Outwitting the Devil By Napoleon Hill The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy Bigger Pockets podcast Resource: Reach app Reflect: We flatter those we scarcely know. We please the fleeting guests. But we deal many a thoughtless blow to those we love the best." - Jen's Mom "You don't have to be great to start; you have to start to be great." - Zig Ziglar “If you'll do what's easy, your life will be hard. If you do what's hard, your life will be easy." - Les Brown Jen Du Plessis, America's Mortgage Mastery Mentor helps mortgage loan officers and real estate agents who are overwhelmed, stressed out, and sabotaging their personal lives for the sake of their business to multiply results in record time and have the courage to say yes to their personal lives (which sometimes means saying no to clients). During fifteen of her 37-year career in the mortgage industry, Jen has been listed in the top 1% of loan officers nationwide; spending 3 years in the top 200 of nationally ranked originators, and has funded over $1 Billion in mortgage loans. She is recognized as an Influencer in her industry as the best-selling author of LAUNCH-How to Take Your Business to New Heights, top podcast host of Mortgage Lending Mastery, and highly sought out and charismatic speaker; speaking on stages with such icons as Darren Hardy, Tony Robbins, and Les Brown. Today Jen is passionate about empowering mortgage loan officers to achieve professional and personal breakthroughs so that they stop the daily chaos by identifying their priorities to gain calm to take back control of their business and life. She is guiding her coaching students to attract clients rather than chasing them. And lastly, she is devoted to helping each student's business grow exponentially rather than hitting the reset button to have the same results year after year. She has been seen and heard on Good Morning America, Sirius/XM Radio, Voice America, and Mortgage News Network. Jen has been featured in publications such as The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post; is a regular contributor to Mortgage Executive Magazine and Mortgage Women Magazine and has been recognized with the Women with Vision Award as one of the Top Women in the Mortgage Industry. Get you FREE 7 Strategies Resource to transform your business mindset: https://www.dropbox.com/s/7i8jt95df4upolq/7%20Quick%20Ways%20to%20Kickstart%20Your%20Glass%20Ceiling%20Breakthrough.pdf?dl=0 Connect with Jen Du Plessiss: Website https://www.jenduplessis.com/ LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferduplessis/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/JenDuPlessis22 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jenduplessis/ Twitter https://twitter.com/JenDuPlessis YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/JenDuPlessis Topics Covered: 03:05 - What can go wrong with doing it all 04:51 - How 'glorification of busyness' looks like 06:24 - Fear of missing out: what it boils down to 08:25 - You should come first before anything else 09:26 - The cost of getting preoccupied with everything 10:20 - Speeding up to slow down 12:36 - Find out what you love doing 13:49 - What integrity means for Jen 15:39 - Shaking off the chaos and stress in your life 19:19 - What it means to do the basics and how to get the clarity around your systems 22:40 - Being on demand versus being in demand 24:53 - Successfully developing a good habit 28:03 - Becoming the top performer that you can be 31:54 - Getting things done but still having fun 34:43 - Making more from $50 million to $102 million by working only four days a week 38:27 - Keep going with the basics even amidst changing markets 44:50 - Be the voice of reason 46:07 - A personal brand she loves for having the biggest heart 47:31 - Books she loves to read 50:21 - Jen's inspiring message: "Live your legacy while building it, don't wait." Key Takeaways: "We feel like we have to do it all. But we can actually have it all without having to do it all." - Jen Du Plessis "I feel like what we're doing is we're sacrificing our health to create wealth, and then, later on, we're going to sacrifice our wealth to maintain our health." - Jen Du Plessis "We have to put ourselves first. If we're preoccupied with all the other things going on, we can miss things that could be a financial disaster. When I've got my head on straight, everything else aligns. And so that's most important. And I've proven it that you can double and triple your business and your income by doing that instead of the other." - Jen Du Plessis "It's amazing how we can have a meeting with someone and put our phone away. But when we're having dinner with our family, and the phone rings, we get up and get it; we would never do that with a client." - Jen Du Plessis "You should never go back to basics. Basics should always be basics." - Jen Du Plessis "To override a bad habit, you have to replace it with a good habit." - Jen Du Plessis Additional Resource: Are you a real estate investor looking to build your business and stand out from the crowd, and you don't want to wait for all the knowledge, strategies, and how-tos to be slowly delivered to you via this podcast every week? Then I invite you to apply for the REI Branded Audit. That's the process I have created that has already helped dozens of real estate investors to define and develop their personal brands and build their real estate investing businesses. Apply now for your REI Branded Audit. Connect with Paul Copcutt: www.paulcopcutt.com LinkedIn Email: paul@paulcopcutt.com  

In this episode, I sit down with Nina Peacock, a U.S. American expat experiencing acquisition of the community language alongside her children in Japan and now in Germany. She talks about learning Japanese while her children attended Japanese preschool, and then working to keep learning it together when they moved back to the U.S. Nina describes some of the challenges she faced teaching her children a language that isn't her native one while also no longer being immersed in the country. She shares her discovery of TalkBox.Mom, a language learning program that guides families to speaking a second (or third or fourth...) language together at home from day 1, no matter where you live. Nina and her family found so much success using this program for Japanese while living in the U.S. that they brought it along for their transition to Germany, using it in both languages now. We talk about the struggles we've experienced trying to share our love of languages with our kids, what “fluency” can mean for multilingual children, setting goals for ourselves and our kids, and also the benefits of using one language to teach another. Nina's journey as both a language learner and parent of expat children is full of discovery, growth, challenges, and celebrations. I'm so grateful to have the pleasure of hosting this chat, and we both hope to give other parents tips, hope, and inspiration for their own multilingual parenting journeys. WHERE TO FIND NINA & TALKBOX.MOM: You can follow more of Nina's journey on Instagram @ninakpeacock, where she shares her family's language life, especially with TalkBox.Mom. As a brand ambassador and avid user, she is a wealth of knowledge for any parents interested in the program, and you'll also find coupon codes and other opportunities for trying this program on her page. You can also visit this link (https://talkbox.mom/ref/150/) for more information and a free starter pack.

Are sales hard for you as you're trying to start a business? Maybe you feel weird selling things in general or maybe you just don't know how to authentically sell the products you know others will benefit from. You have this business idea and want it to be successful, but where and how to sell your products seems to the thing that's getting in the way and keeping you from success in your business. Well today, we're talking all about sales. In this interview, you'll be hearing the conversation I had eith Ashley Meyer from the MOMpire Network.  She has a heart for moms and helping them run successful businesses - online and off. In this episode, you'll hear us talk about:  Creating authentic relationships to build a network  How moms can support other moms growing businesses while they grow their own How referrals can be a game changer in your business  And more!  More about Ashley Meyer As an attorney, wife, mom of 3, law firm owner, MOMpire founder, and serial entrepreneur, Ashley's passion in life is showing other moms that they can build a business they love without sacrificing themselves or their family.  She started MOMpire on a whim when she was kicked out of a Mom Facebook group because business didn't belong there. She knew there were other moms who longed to love motherhood, but still do business. She created a home for moms to build deep connections, true friendships, and authentic referral partnerships, leading to profitability without exhaustion. Ashley truly believes that community is the best, most sustainable way to grow a business that you love while supporting the life you dream about.   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themompire/ Website: http://themompire.com/ Email: hello@the-mompire.com Get a 30 Day free trial to the MOMpire Network here: https://joinmompire.com/   How to Enter the Refresh and Recharge Mom giveaway (includes a copy of Mom You're Amazing by Sandy Cooper, a lovely prayer journal, and Panera gift card): Leave a review on Apple Podcasts about the show. Take a screenshot before hitting submit and then send that to me either on Instagram @mamawithacalling or via email at alexia@mamawithacalling.com .   If you're already left a review before, then send me a screenshot so I'll know you want to enter this drawing.  For an extra entry, share your favorite episode, something you like about the Mama With A Calling podcast, etc. in your stories and tag me @mamawithacalling (If you don't tag me, I won't see it so it won't count) That's it!  Enter by May 27, 2022 to be eligible. (No purchase necessary to enter or win.)

Sandy's new book "Mom You're Amazing" is out now! it is a great read! It made me feel seen. Motherhood is hard and not a one size fits all, but this book made it so relatable and also learning from a more experienced mother than I am. Have you ripped up the chore chart? Have you yelled "I will just do it myself" only to be met with eyes wide open? We have, both Sandy and I share our moments of unmet expectations. Sandy Cooper is a writer, podcaster, Bible study teacher, and professionally certified home chef. She has been a wife to Jon for over 28 years and is mom to Noah (deceased), Rebekah (23), Elijah (20), and Elliana (15). She has been encouraging women since 2008 at thescooponbalance.com and podcasts weekly at The Balanced MomCast from her home office in Florida, where she lives with her family. Full Episode Show Notes can be found here Want to Support The Show? Buy Me A Coffee ( I would appreciate it). Instacart - Groceries delivered in as little as 1 hour. Free delivery on your first order over $35.Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.Support the show

Clint Malarchuk's life can't be summarized in a few words. But I'll try. Very successful NHL career as a goalie. Great sense of humor. Strength, kindness, and a huge heart. Rancher. Tougher than nails. Mix in severe mental health illness, anxiety, crippling OCD, depression, alcoholism, rehab centers, and a suicide attempt.   “I've had a lot of surgeries, a lot of physical pain. I tell you what. The most painful thing in the world is mental illness. I'd rather have my jugular vein cut again. If God gave me the choice “Hey Clint, want to have your vein cut again and get rid of this mental illness?” I'd say ‘Sign me up, God!'”   Each one of us is a puzzle, with each of the pieces representing a part of us; our health, emotions, work, play, interests, and so on, and we do our best to keep that puzzle as close to being solved as possible.   Wait until you hear all about the pieces in Clint's puzzle, and you'll want to know so much more about him, his message of hope for all who suffer through the pain and darkness of mental illness, and how his story can open up new doors and return the light to the darkness you or anyone in your circle is going through.   “The book really started the whole thing. I was so terrified when I wrote the book because I didn't know how it would be perceived. I threw it all out there. It was pretty honest, pretty raw. It's not just a hockey book, or a book about an athlete. It's more of a book on life – a life with mental illness and alcoholism and childhood trauma.”   Yes, we recorded this live at his Canuck Ranch in Nevada, with dogs wrestling, the wind started howling and honestly not the best audio sound recording. But it was an incredible experience. I can't wait to hear from you once you've listened to this episode. Happy listening.   “Wow there's a lot of Clint Malarchuks out there. I'm helping people, and it's turning into a good career as a speaker. I love it because I know when I give a speech, and there's a line at the book signing, and people in tears and hugging me and saying ‘I'm going to get help' and ‘You're the first person that's been so honest and open'. So what we do is suffer in silence because of the stigma surrounding mental illness, so I think I'm trying to knock down that door.”   Some Topics we talk about in this episode:   0:55 – Intro 1:55 – Welcome from the Canuck Ranch in NV! 3:30 – Hockey kept me out of my head 5:00 – Clint's book one of best athlete autobiographies 6:35 – Bernie Parent was my favorite player 9:20 – Undiagnosed severe OCD as child 12:35 – First NHL game 19:15 – Anxiety, depression and OCD combo 20:15 – Horrific injury to jugular vein 24:05 – Reliving the trauma, sleepless nights 24:30 – Self-medicating with 25 beers / day 25:35 – Horses on the golf course with Dale Hunter 27:00 – Joking with Ronald Reagan 28:45 – Mom - “You should be proud that someone wants your autograph!” 31:00 – Relapse started after Zednick jugular injury 32:00 – Spiraling down and attempting suicide 34:45 – The “Alcatraz” treatment center 37:15 – Public speaking about PTSD 38:30 – There's a lot of Clint Malarchuks out there 39:45 – You're Not Alone! 40:35 – A lot of people say “Me Too!” 42:00 – Why this tattoo? 45:00 – Outro   How to get involved:   Connect with me on Social Media @MarkMoyerCoach and go to my website, www.markmoyer.com to get access to the tips and strategies that my coaching clients get directly.       If you would like to be a guest on the Make Your Mark podcast and/or know someone else who has either been an athlete, in a role within the sports industry, or a military veteran, and have made a successful transition into a new role, I'd love to hear from you! Just send me an email Mark@MarkMoyer.com and we'll discuss!       If you would like more information on how I can get you unstuck and moving forward with your transition, let's talk. Don't let your transition wait another day, let's connect!       Be sure to subscribe and leave me a quick review on iTunes. Your reviews and ratings will help us reach more people with ways to make your mark in your life, business and career!       How are YOU going to Make Your Mark today?   Let's Do This!

According to a recent Gallup Poll 55% of workers get a sense of identity from their job. Generation X women wear so many hats, mom, wife, executive, daughter, employee, boss and we are really good at switching quickly from cowgirl hat to fedora. Do you feel like, along the way, you stopped wearing hats and instead, started wearing masks, hiding your true identity for the mask of mom, wife, executive, employee? When we remove the mask, we don’t even know who we are, standing in the mirror, completely vulnerable and a bit empty. We want you to explore who you are, under all those masks. What actually makes you tick and what’s your worth outside of the roles you play?What does losing identity even mean?You see yourself only through that lens. It is how you define your worth, yourself and your purpose. You don’t even KNOW what your own personal needs are?Gen X Women want to be all in all the time, which makes it even easier to lose our identities in every title we wear and forgetting ourselves in all of that. Here are some ways we lose our identities:WORK:Your job and title define you and it becomes your first introduction point when meeting people.MOM:You play Supermom, needing to be at every game, on the board of the PTA and bake cookies for the bake sale (from scratch).WIFE:Beyond loving marriage, this is where you are wrapped up in making your husband happy that you forget all about your own happiness.WEIGHT/FINANCES:Items like this can hold your identity hostage. You can be handcuffed to never wearing a bathing suit in public or always at the gym to be as fit as possible. What about finances, constantly comparing yourself to those around you. Start Asking Yourself: What is your self worth?Who are you? Step away from all of the masks you wear and think about who you are and what you stand for.You as Human: This robotic state of playing your roles and getting lost in them will leave you feeling empty in the long run.You need to become comfortable with who you are?If you've lost your identity in any (or all) of these and have forgotten who you are and what you represent, we can help. Download our free resource, Rediscovering Yourself Workbook hereWant more support from Jackie + Mimi and connect with us daily? Join our Facebook Community, Just Gen X- The Resting Mind.

Theme episode this week! All the junk food, reality tv show, staged drama and ridiculous hijinks you could ask for. Who doesn't love all of the reality shows network tv tries to get us to watch in the summer? It just occurred to me though that we somehow missed talking about the Kardashians. How is that possible, Mom? You love them. Maybe some other time. Enjoy!

吃饱了，除了“I'm full” 还可以怎么说？ 首先听一段妈妈和儿子的一段用餐对话Mom：Alright. Dig in.好啦～可以开动了～Why are you not eating? Do you not like my cooking?你怎么不吃呢？是不喜欢我做的菜吗？Son：No, mom. That's not it. It's just I'm really stuffed. I couldn't have another bite.不是的，不是那样的。只是我真的吃饱了。一口都吃不下了。 Mom：I don't understand. How come you're stuffed?我有点懵了。你怎么会饱了呢？Son：Cuz I ate lots of snacks before dinner.因为晚饭前我吃了好多零食。 Mom：You really need to cut down on snacks, young man!你真的要少吃点零食了！ Key language points 重点语言讲解：dig in 开动了1.To dig trenches for protection.挖战壕为了隐蔽或防守。2.To hold on stubbornly, as to a position; entrench oneself.固执的坚守（ 职位）3.To begin to work intensively.全力以赴的工作。4.To begin to eat heartily.痛快的开吃。 我吃饱了1.I'm full2.I'm stuffed3.I can't have another bite4.I've had enough How come 为何 （等同于why）How come some people listen to American English Express every day? Because they have a strong will in learning English well.为什么有的人可以每天收听美语早班车？因为他们有强大的意愿要把英语学好。 Cut down on 消减，减少Students should cut down on frequencies of watching screens学生应该减少看电视的频率 young man 小伙子 (口语化)　young ladyoung kidkiddo

吃饱了，除了“I'm full” 还可以怎么说？ 首先听一段妈妈和儿子的一段用餐对话Mom：Alright. Dig in.好啦～可以开动了～Why are you not eating? Do you not like my cooking?你怎么不吃呢？是不喜欢我做的菜吗？Son：No, mom. That's not it. It's just I'm really stuffed. I couldn't have another bite.不是的，不是那样的。只是我真的吃饱了。一口都吃不下了。 Mom：I don't understand. How come you're stuffed?我有点懵了。你怎么会饱了呢？Son：Cuz I ate lots of snacks before dinner.因为晚饭前我吃了好多零食。 Mom：You really need to cut down on snacks, young man!你真的要少吃点零食了！ Key language points 重点语言讲解：dig in 开动了1.To dig trenches for protection.挖战壕为了隐蔽或防守。2.To hold on stubbornly, as to a position; entrench oneself.固执的坚守（ 职位）3.To begin to work intensively.全力以赴的工作。4.To begin to eat heartily.痛快的开吃。 我吃饱了1.I'm full2.I'm stuffed3.I can't have another bite4.I've had enough How come 为何 （等同于why）How come some people listen to American English Express every day? Because they have a strong will in learning English well.为什么有的人可以每天收听美语早班车？因为他们有强大的意愿要把英语学好。 Cut down on 消减，减少Students should cut down on frequencies of watching screens学生应该减少看电视的频率 young man 小伙子 (口语化)　young ladyoung kidkiddo

This week the Darkside Crew catch Roy-Monia as they watch one of the worst episodes of the season. The cringe worthy Barter.In this episode:Jen, Matt, and Matt’s Darkside Guess (2:58)Podcast Gold (4:19) The Sweet Deetz! (4:20)The Door From The Darkside Swings wide open. (10:06)Public Domain Rock and or Roll (10:15)Mom You’re and Idiot! (12:13)We get Roy-Monia (21:36)Beginning of act 2 (27:23)More Roy-Monia (27:35)Beginning of Act 3 (39:27)This plan is crazy (41:03)Writers Room (50:13)Darkside Guess (53:43ENTER IF YOU DARE!!!Congratulations to this weeks winner of the #darksideguess Sean Cloran! He won the last #DarksideGuess and a $20 Amazon Giftcard.Want some stickers? Connect with us and let us know.Subscribe:iTunes - http://apple.co/2rmULMBStitcher - http://bit.ly/2stnx2BGoogle Play - http://bit.ly/2stz4yMRSS - http://bit.ly/2tcDib0Twitter - @TFTDSPodFacebook/Instagram - /TFromTheDarkside

Looking for a way to merge your pre-kid life into your life as Mom? You’re in the right place! Lara & Jenn candidly discuss real-life experience as Modern Day Moms, and highlight women who create space for both their individual identity and being Mom. This podcast is designed to guide, connect & support women navigating Modern Day Motherhood. Listen weekly & join their community, Generation.Mom.

The Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Director Stargate Pioneer, Agent Haley and Agent Lauren discuss the third The Defenders episode “Worst Behavior,” highlight some recent Marvel news and respond to listener feedback. The Agents debrief you on which Defender has the best and the worst behavior, The Defenders Stan Lee cameo, why Matt and Jessica were tailing each other, why Danny Rand continues to be an idiot, what was Luke doing in the boardroom, Elektra’s rebirth, Stick’s sacrifice and that tremendous hallway fight.   THIS TIME ON LEGENDS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.:   The Defenders “Worst Behavior” Marvel News Roundup Listener Feedback    THE DEFENDERS “WORST BEHAVIOR” [3:14]   DEFENDERS WORST BEHAVIOR   The Defenders ShowRunners: Douglas Petrie and Marco Ramirez   Douglas Petrie (“Marvel’s Daredevil,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) Marco Ramirez (“Marvel’s Daredevil,” “Orange is the New Black”)   Executive Producer: Drew Goddard (“The Martian,” “Lost,” “Alias”, “Marvel’s Daredevil”)   Netflix made all 13 episodes of The Defenders available on Friday August 18th, 2017.   Directed By: Peter Hoar http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0387486/?ref_=tt_ov_dr#director 19 Directing Credits Starting in 2004 This is Peter’s 4th Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. discussion appearance. Previously: Episode 135, Daredevil 2x5 “Penny And Dime” Peter Hoar NOT MENTIONED in Episode 141, Daredevil 2x10 “The Man In The Box” Episode 143, Daredevil 2x13 “A Cold Day In Hell’s Kitchen” Episode 201, Iron Fist 1x10 “Black Tiger Steals Heart” 8 x Grange Hill 3 x Dream Team 5 x Wire In The Blood 2 x MI-5 1 x Doctor Who 2 x Vera 2 x Silk 2 x Shetland 9 x Da Vinci’s Demons 3 x Daredevil 4 x The Last Kingdom 1 x Iron Fist 1 x The Defenders ALSO Producer for: Da Vinci’s Demons and The Last Kingdom   Written by: Lauren Schmidt Hissrich http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1274355/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1#writer 8 Total Writing Credits since 2004 This is Lauren’s fifth Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. appearance. Previously: Episode #136 Daredevil 2x5 “Kinbaku” Episode #140 Daredevil 2x9 “Seven Minutes In Heaven” Episode #143 Daredevil 2x12 “The Dark at the End Of The Tunnel” Episode #208 The Defenders 1x02 "Mean Right Hook" 3 x Daredevil 20 x The West Wing 4 x Private Practice ALSO PRODUCED: Private Practice, Parenthood, Do No Harm, Power, Daredevil, The Defenders   Written By: Douglas Petrie http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0677956/?ref_=ttfc_fc_wr3#writer 17 Writing Credits from 1992 This is Douglas’ tenth Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. appearance. Previously: Episode #81 Daredevil 1x7 “Stick” Episode #86 Daredevil 1x11 “The Path Of Righteousness” Episode #87 Daredevil 1x12 “The Ones We Leave Behind” Episode #113 Daredevil Season 2 Showrunner Episode #117: News Item for The Defenders Showrunner Episode #130 Daredevil 2x1 “Bang” Episode #131 Daredevil 2x2 “Dogs To A Gunfight” Episode #143 Daredevil 2x12 and 2x13 "The Dark at the End of the Tunnel" and "A Cold Day in Hell's Kitchen" Episode #206 The Defenders 1x01 "The H Word" 1 x Rugrats 2 x Angel 59 x Buffy The Vampire Slayer 2 x Tru Calling 2 x The 4400 2 x The Batman 2 x Charlie’s Angels 2 x American Horror Story 7 x Daredevil 4 x The Defenders ALSO PRODUCED: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Tru Calling, The Robinsons: Lost In Space, CSI, Pushing Daisies, Charlie’s Angels, American Horror Story And Daredevil   “WORST BEHAVIOR”   Cold Opening Months ago Turkish restaurant The Black Sky (Elektra) - they have it (reference Daredevil season 2) Last of their resources The Black Sky brought back to life Alexandra fights and subdues The Black Sky Elektra learns to fight again Lots of dead ninjas   Today Stick and Alexandra Stick cuts off his own hand to get free   Jessica Jones and Matt Murdock Nothing happened. Jessica is good. She is free to go   Luke Cage and Claire I left Cole behind I got clobbered by this glowing hand   Luke, Colleen, Danny and Claire White Hat guys? The Hand Bring back the dead You are on the same side - Talk   Jessica goes to see the widow, Michelle Nothing I knew about John Apologizes to the daughter Jessica is being followed by … Matt Murdock Matt is being followed by …. Jessica Jones Jessica takes pictures of Matt … parkouring up the wall   Danny and Luke talk This isn’t going to work out Good luck man   Luke and Cole Who is the man in the White Hat? Is this The Hand? Take lotto tickets to my mom   Colleen and Danny What if he is right? Danny, you are not a businessman You are a fighter. A Warrior   Danny Goes To Rand Enterprises Midland Circle Financial Ward is not there   Jessica Goes To Architect Firm Midland Circle   Luke Sees Cole’s Mom You cannot admit when you’ve done something right Cole’s dead Cole left the “Midland Circle” information for Luke “All my babies is gone”   Stick shows up at the Dojo Where’s the Fist?   Danny goes to Midland Circle Alexandra shows up She’s in charge   Jessica and Matt You are in danger I have pictures asshole   You Can’t Hide Anymore   Gunshot   This Time I Won’t Kill You   Danny Versus The Boardroom   Luke Comes To Save Danny   All Four Together There’s Something else Coming Elektra Matt Versus Elektra Danny (Iron Fist) saves Matt Who are you people?   NEWS [34:57]   HIGHLIGHT STORY OF THE WEEK   David Fincher criticises Marvel http://www.indiewire.com/2017/10/david-fincher-marvel-netflix-mindhunter-1201887584/   NETFLIX SERIES   New trailer + premiere date for Punisher https://twitter.com/ThePunisher/status/921020723275055104   Mike Coulter talking Iron Fist in Luke Cage s2 http://comicbook.com/marvel/2017/10/17/luke-cage-season-2-heroes-for-hire-iron-fist/   BLACK PANTHER & BEYOND   New Black Panther trailer and poster https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjDjIWPwcPU https://twitter.com/chadwickboseman/status/919911671514255360   AWWWWWW/COOL STUFF   Big Hero 6 TV series gets a premiere date http://deadline.com/2017/10/big-hero-6-the-series-movie-premiere-date-disney-xd-1202189938/   FEEDBACK [47:28 ]   TWITTER   https://twitter.com/BridgerZadina/status/920158513501954048 Bridger Zadina‏Verified account @BridgerZadina FollowingFollowing @BridgerZadina More Replying to @adanagirl @LegendsofSHIELD Ya'll have no idea..... o_o 12:24 AM - 17 Oct 2017   https://twitter.com/adanagirl/status/920816074995662848 Christy‏ @adanagirl FollowingFollowing @adanagirl More Christy Retweeted Comicbook.com There is only one word for these: Excelsior!!! @LegendsofSHIELD Christy added,   Comicbook.comVerified account @ComicBook ICYMI: @OriginalFunko is finally making Stan Lee cameo Pops! Details inside: http://comicbook.com/marvel/2017/10/18/funko-pop-stan-lee-marvel-cameos-captain-america-guardians/ … 7:57 PM - 18 Oct 2017   https://twitter.com/BornToEatBacon/status/921052931947982849   Johnny ~R‏ @BornToEatBacon FollowingFollowing @BornToEatBacon More @MrParacletes @LegendsofSHIELD @adanagirl He's watching you. @CollectDST #toylovercrew   11:38 AM - 19 Oct 2017   YOUTUBE   narayantx10 hours ago This podcast is the only reason I watch The Inhumans, too. Lucille Ball was a genius and a boss like Medusa. Peace   OUTRO [51:39]   Haley, Lauren and Stargate Pioneer love to hear back from you about your top 5 Marvel character lists, your science of Marvel questions, who would you pick in an all-female Avenger team, or who’s Marvel abs you would like to see. Call the voicemail line at 1-844-THE-BUS1 or 844-843-2871.                    Join Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. next time as the hosts discuss The Inhumans fifth episode “Something Inhuman, This Way Comes...” on Sunday October 22nd, 2017. You can listen in live when we record Sunday Afternoons at 1:00 PM Eastern time or Thursday Evenings at 9:00 PM ET at Geeks.live (Also streamed live on Spreaker.com). Contact Info: Please see http://www.legendsofshield.com for all of our contact information or call our voicemail line at 1-844-THE-BUS1 or 844-843-2871   Don’t forget to go check out our spin-off podcast, Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D..: Longbox Edition for your weekly Marvel comic book release run-down with segments by Black Adam on S.H.I.E.L.D. comics, Lauren on Mutant Comics and Anthony with his Spider-Man web down. Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Longbox Edition is also available on the GonnaGeek.com podcast network.   Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Is a Proud Member Of The GonnaGeek Network (gonnageek.com).   This podcast was recorded on Thursday October 19th, 2017.   Standby for your S.H.I.E.L.D. debriefing ---   Audio and Video Production by Stargate Pioneer of GonnaGeek.com.

Introduction: Join Jason Hartman and his mom on this episode of The Creating Wealth Show as they discuss their long road trip through several markets including Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus, Nashville, Birmingham and Dallas. You'll learn about the “minimalist management” philosophy in creating bulletproof rental properties that require very little maintenance and a good overview of several markets.   Also, a big thank you to all of the doctors in the audience who provided advice and support relating to my mothers carotid artery surgery. She's doing well in the Cleveland Clinic provided a top-notch medical experience.   Visit www.JasonHartman.com to view properties in these markets and to register for our Little Rock Property Tour and Creating Wealth Bootcamp in late September. Happy investing!   Key Takeaways: ·      (1:40) Brief update about Jason's Mom's post-surgery health & the Cleveland Clinic ·      (5:54) How to handle late rent for long distance self-managed properties ·      (11:55) How to handle long-distance evictions without a property manager using an eviction service ·      (14:49) A special message from Bill Clinton ·      (18:28) Pleasantly surprised by downtown Cleveland ·      (21:23) Moving on to Birmingham and minimalist management styles ·      (26:44) Coming up in mid-late September: Little Rock Creating Wealth Seminar and Property Tour   Links: www.JasonHartman.com Audio Transcription: ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Creating Wealth with Jason Hartman!  During this program Jason is going to tell you some really exciting things that you probably haven't thought of before, and a new slant on investing: fresh new approaches to America's best investment that will enable you to create more wealth and happiness than you ever thought possible.  Jason is a genuine, self-made multi-millionaire who not only talks the talk, but walks the walk.  He's been a successful investor for 20 years and currently owns properties in 11 states and 17 cities.  This program will help you follow in Jason's footsteps on the road to financial freedom.  You really can do it!  And now, here's your host, Jason Hartman, with the complete solution for real estate investors.   JASON HARTMAN: Welcome to the Creating Wealth Show!  This is your host Jason Hartman, and this is episode #389!  Thanks so much for joining me today.  I kind of feel like I haven't been with you in a while!  At least not directly.  In that we've played a lot of interviews with guests and so forth, but not that many where I've just kind of been talking to you.  So I'm really glad to just be talking to you today, and going over a bunch of issues.  And I'm actually on the way to the airport.  I'm here in the south, in beautiful Gulf Shores, Alabama, and Mom is with me, she's taking me to the airport.  The first thing I wanted to say is, since I announced my mom's medical condition on the show, several weeks back, thank you so much to all of you.  I guess we've got a lot of doctors in the audience, so we really appreciate the calls, and the emails, and the advice we got from you, so thank you very much for that, and I'll give you a little update into what has happened since then.  Here's mom.  Mom, say hello!   Surgery in Cleveland   MOM: Hi, everyone.  I just want to say thank you also, for all of the concern that Jason's audience seem to show about my carotid artery operation, and just want to let you all know that everything turned out terrifically well at the Cleveland Clinic.  That is just a classy place to go, if you have anything wrong.   JASON HARTMAN: Good stuff.  I would totally agree; the Cleveland Clinic is an incredible operation.  I was very impressed.  So, with all of that, real estate is kind of in our DNA.  What happened is, I actually flew to Cleveland to meet my mom there, and she drove up there, and, well, I was in Cleveland, we were there for about a week with her recovery and so forth from the surgery, that went very well, as you just heard, and I met with our Cleveland local market specialist, who actually is one that we've been working with for quite a while in another market.  He formed an alliance with a group up in Cleveland, and I met with him, and I looked at their properties, and I gotta say, I did not think I would like Cleveland very much.  We have shied away from a lot of the previously blighted markets.    We're still shying away from the real blighted ones like Detroit.  But, you know, I was pleasantly impressed with Cleveland.  I really was.  It was amazing.  Now, I was impressed with all of the extensive downtown redevelopment projects; I was impressed with the properties, and the cash flow on those properties; I was impressed with the rehab.  Again, we're working in Cleveland, with the same provider we've been working with for many, many years in another market.  So, you'll hear more about that, and you'll hear more about his partner in the Cleveland market that's doing the direct business.  More on that to come.  I did shoot some video, and I'll share that with you on our YouTube channel, and maybe we'll even play the audio track from some of that video.  We might even do that on this podcast, time permitting, because one of those audio tracks is really just a conversation, while the other videos are looking at properties, and so the visual helps.  But for the conversation, we can probably just play the audio part of that video on the podcast here today.  And then, mom and I, after looking at Cleveland—oh, mom, you gotta share the funniest thing.  And I was very concerned about you during the surgery, as I was pacing around the waiting room and so forth there at the Cleveland Clinic.  But I knew you were okay when you were in the intensive care unit and you demanded your iPhone, and what were you doing on your iPhone?  I actually took a funny picture of you, why don't you talk about that?   MOM: Well, I had the operation the 2nd or 3rd day of the month—   JASON HARTMAN: It was the 2nd, it was July 2nd.   MOM: Okay, it was July 2nd.  Anyway, the rents are supposed to be in my bank account on the first day of the month.  So, I was simply calling those that I didn't think had paid yet, that weren't registered in my bank to pay their rent, immediately.   JASON HARTMAN: I know my mom's been on a few shows before, everybody, and you've heard her talk before.  She's the—I call it an extreme do-it-yourselfer.  She's not a do-it-yourselfer; she's an extreme do-it-yourselfer.  That mansion in which you live, you probably would have built it yourself if you could have.   MOM: I could have gotten rid of all of the bad health.   JASON HARTMAN: Yeah.  I tell you, building a house is a nightmare project.  So I would never recommend that to anybody.  But you know, that was your childhood dream ever since you saw Gone With The Wind as a little girl.  But anyway, what you do, that I think is kind of interesting—number one, you self-manage all your properties.  You don't use managers.  And you self-manage from a long distance.  You have properties as far away as about 2,000 miles or so, and then you have closer properties that are within, I don't know, maybe 60, 80 miles.  Biloxi, Gulfport, that's where you've got one.  You've got another one in Tuscaloosa I think, right?   MOM: Yes, uh huh.  Those are the closest.   JASON HARTMAN: Do you have anything in Mobile, Alabama?   MOM: No, uh uh.   Dealing with Late Rent   JASON HARTMAN: So, those rental properties, what you do that's interesting, is you have all your tenants deposit the rent into your bank account.  So, you bank with a big national bank, and they're responsible for going to the bank and depositing the money into your account on the first.  And I remember when you were in the intensive care unit, and this was literally, I mean—look, folks.  I tried to stop her.  I tried to take the phone away.  She wouldn't have it.  Just, you have to know my mom to understand that.  You're not gonna stop her from doing anything.  And so, you had a sheet of paper there, and you were looking at the deposits, and you had a pencil, and you were writing down on a sheet of paper which ones had deposited, and you discovered that of all your rental properties, four people had not made their deposit, and you were calling them on your iPhone from the ICU, where they strictly say that you are not allowed to have phones in there.   MOM: Well, actually, it was only three people.  The bank had kind of made a mistake on one of the tenant's deposits; I couldn't quite recognize it, but they corrected that the next day, and the tenant told me that they had definitely deposited, and they were telling the exact truth.  So it was only three people that hadn't deposited immediately.   JASON HARTMAN: What strikes me as interesting—and again, if you use property managers, you don't have this opportunity—but I remember listening to you talk to your tenants on the phone, and what strikes me as interesting is how I think that because you have this kind of a personal relationship with them—of course it's a business relationship, you're not friendly with them, so to speak.  You're not getting too close to them, in other words.  But because they know you, and they view you as an actual person, rather than some sort of nameless, faceless institution, I feel that you exert some more pressure over them to get them to pay, and pay quickly.  Do you agree, or have anything to say about that?   MOM: I just make it very clear that I cannot tolerate late rent payments when they sign that lease.  And they know that I expect and demand that my rent be paid the first day of the month.   JASON HARTMAN: So, tell the listeners kind of how you handle that, and what you say to people, and things like that.  And by the way, folks, we're gonna cover a lot of other subjects in this show, in this episode, so I'm just going over a few things here that struck me as kind of funny with mom.  But, tell the listeners how you handle that, what you say to them.   MOM: Well, I simply call them and say, hi whoever it is on the other end of the line.  I don't see your rent in my bank deposit yet, and is there a problem, or did you already put it in, or what is going on?  And they tell me what has happened.  And I say, look, you know there's a $60 late fee if you don't have the rent in there the first day.  I really do not want your $60.  I simply want your rent on time.  When will the rent be put in the bank?  And they tell me.  And if it isn't in there on that first day of the month, I say, well, be sure to put in the $60.   JASON HARTMAN: For the late fee.  Okay.  And do they usually do that?  Do they cooperate, and put it in?   MOM: Yes, most of them all do that.  There is one tenant that does not do that, and all of those $60 late fees will simply be deducted out of their security deposit when they leave.   JASON HARTMAN: Okay.  So, now, you did have a problem, though, that was kind of stressing you out on one of your properties.  And this is a long distance property again; it's about 2000 miles away from you, so, it's far away, and you actually called up a real estate agent, I think you were called a Century 21 office, and kind of describe for the listeners that whole story.  And that happened this month.  You know, these are unusual, but it happened to happen this month, you happened to be in the intensive care unit at the Cleveland Clinic, which I think is ridiculous that you were doing this, but, I don't know.  Maybe that's what keeps you alive, is you have a purpose, you know?  You knew you had to recover from surgery, and recover quickly, because you had to collect your rent.  So, it's kind of like Viktor Frankl's Man's Search For Meaning.  Another version of it.  The modern version.   MOM: Well, what happened is that this tenant is now—we're in the eviction process.  And the tenant had moved in a girlfriend, and he simply didn't pay.  So, I called a local real estate agent, and I told them the situation, and I asked them to, would they please go over there and just check and see if the place looked like it had been abandoned?  If tenants were still living in there, or what.  Anyway, the gentleman, very nicely did go over there, and—   JASON HARTMAN: The realtor.   MOM: The realtor.  And as he was there, someone was coming out of the door.  And it happened to be the girlfriend.  And I said, please let me speak with her.  And so, she just took his phone, and took it in the house; the poor real estate guy lost his phone.  He was ready to call the police to get the phone back.  She carried out a ten-minute conversation with me about when they were going to pay rent, and all of the details.  I said, please, now give that man back his phone.  I talked to the realtor—   JASON HARTMAN: This is hilarious.  It's like a reality show, you know?   MOM: I talked to the realtor, a few hours later I called him, and said, I wanted his address, I wanted to send him a check for his work in helping me out.  And he refused the check, and he says, that's just my job, to give really good service to people.  So I thought, that's a great guy.  And I will certainly go back to him when I need to.   JASON HARTMAN: Yeah.  So, the realtors—you know, there's—what you've gotta realize, if you want to self-manage your properties, and if you want to be an extreme do-it-yourselfer like my mother—I mean, the vast majority of my clients, you know, and I'm talking vast, vast majority.  Maybe 95% of our clients, use property managers.  And you know, I do it both ways myself.  Some of my properties I self-manage, and as I've said to you on many episodes for a long time now, I was happily, pleasantly surprised that I could do this from a long distance.  I never thought that was achievable.  And for our members, I taught a whole webinar on that topic, and I've talked about it on the podcast as well, on prior episodes, about long distance self-management of your properties.  So, there are advantages and disadvantages to each.  What you're hearing now is from an extreme do-it-yourselfer.  So, good.  Anything else on that?   MOM: No, other than the fact that I have now done all of the eviction preparation work.   Do-It-Yourself Eviction   JASON HARTMAN: So, how do you handle a long distance eviction like that?  Without a property manager?  Tell us what you do.  You go online, you find an eviction service, etcetera—tell us what that's about, and how it works, and how much it costs.   MOM: Well, first off, I do file a three-day notice to pay rent or quit.  Because I know all of the details.  And I then hire a process server, which costs anywhere from $30 to $50 or $60 to get the thing served.  Then you send the proof of service to the attorney.  And you can go online and just Google eviction services.  You always want to get a firm that specializes in evictions.  Don't get a firm that does every other kind of legal work.  Just evictions only.   JASON HARTMAN: Yeah.  So, there are lots of law firms out there.  They are technically law firms, that offer eviction services, that are like an assembly line.  They're a mill, and they just process evictions, and deal with tenant issues, like crazy.  And one of the things I say when I talk about self-management, is that sometimes, your property managers will actually do this process themselves.  You know, they will go, and they will post a three-day notice right on the door.  Sometimes they nail it right to the door.  And it's kind of embarrassing for the neighbors to see that.  And they will actually do all of this, and they will handle the eviction, they will show up in court, they will take it all the way through getting your judgment against the tenant, which you can later collect on.  Or, at least, try to collect.    And I've talked a lot about that.  A lot of those judgments are a lot more collectible than people think.  In fact, when you were online today, I saw on your computer screen, mom, when you were online looking at eviction services, I saw that there was like a banner add there on that website that said, we want your old judgments.  And so, a lot of these services, and a lot of other people out there, will actually buy these judgments from you.  Now of course they're gonna buy them at a discount, so if you have a tenant who owes back rent, or has damaged the property, and you've got a judgment against them for, say, $2000—I've never sold off a judgment like this, but I would assume that these services will buy the judgment from you, and do all the collection themselves for maybe 50, 60 cents on the dollar, depending on how big it is, how collectible it is, etcetera, etcetera.  But you can just sit there with a judgment and wait, and collect eventually too, and those judgments do accumulate interest.  So, this can actually be kind of a good investment, oddly.  And if that tenant ever tries to get an auto loan, or apply for credit somewhere, or someday buy a house, that prospective lender will usually say, hey, you gotta pay off this judgment before we're going to give you a loan.  So, don't just assume that because the tenant is broke today, or they're a deadbeat today—fortunes change, and that won't stay the same forever.   BILL CLINTON: Hi.  This is Bill Clinton, and I want to invite you to hang out with my friend, Jason Hartman, in my hometown of Little Rock.  Jason and his interns, you know I like interns, are having his famous Creating Wealth Seminar and Property Tour here!  So drop everything, including Hillary, and go register at www.jasonhartman.com, right now.  This event is coming up soon, but, as I like to say, it depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is' is.  See ya there.   JASON HARTMAN: So, what else happens in the eviction service?  Tell us about that.  Anything else?  Did you hire the attorney on that one already?   MOM: Yes, he sent me a couple of forms to fill out.  And his price for an eviction in Riverside County is $670.    JASON HARTMAN: Now that's pretty expensive, actually, huh?   MOM: The prices went up, I think, about a year ago, or a few months ago.  Because it was usually around $599, something like that.   JASON HARTMAN: Boy, I've heard of people hiring them for a lot less than that!  I've heard of people getting them for $2, $300.  You know, I bet you—and now, those are old properties that are in the Socialist Republic of California.  And I'll bet you, although I do not know, this is just a guess—that part of that has to do with the fact that California's such a tenant-friendly state, and it's just harder to evict people there.  You know, one of the reasons we don't recommend it as a market.   MOM: You know, I don't know.  In some counties—Los Angeles County has a different price, and I think San Bernardino County has a slightly different price, and Riverside County has a slightly different price.  So it depends on which county you're operating in.   JASON HARTMAN: Have you ever done one—did you do one here in the south, where you've got your Southern United States properties?   MOM: No, I've never done an eviction here.   JASON HARTMAN: And your cash flow's so much better here too.  You've gotta—see, my mom's strategy—look, folks.  Of course your family's never gonna really listen to you too much.  But now I can say, you should see her expression right now.  Oh, here we go again, rolling the eyes.  But, selling those properties, those properties that she's had for decades, okay?  From the 70s, 80s, 90s, maybe you bought some in the 90s, I think you did, and selling them on 1031 exchanges, and exchanging those into other properties in more landlord-friendly places, and you know, with much, much better cash flow, that would be a great strategy for you.  But speaking of that, let's talk about some of the markets we saw.  Because we took a road trip after your surgery; they let you out of the hospital after two days in ICU, and one day, or one night, I should say, in the regular room in the hospital, where we watched fireworks from your room.  And it was pretty good, actually.  Cleveland had, I don't know.  How many fireworks displays did we see there?  Maybe 13, 15 fireworks displays?  And a beautiful sunset.    The Cleveland clinic is like, a hospital that's sort of on the swankiness level, almost, as the W Hotel, but with the service of a Ritz Carlton.  I was just totally impressed.  And I know you were too.  And so, we watched fireworks there, and you checked out the next day.  And then we drove around Cleveland.  And number one, that was super impressive.  But then we took a road trip, and we went to Cincinnati, we looked at properties, we went to Birmingham, we looked at properties, we went to Nashville, and then back home to Gulf Shores, Alabama, and then I took off to Dallas to go look at some discounted mortgages, discounted notes.  And we're thinking of offering that to our investors.  So, we'll talk about that on a future episode in more detail, but it's interesting.  Talk a little bit about Cleveland, if you would, mom, and then let's talk about, maybe the other highlight would be Birmingham.  I'll talk a little bit about the properties I looked at in Dallas, and then we'll kind of wrap up here.   MOM: I was really, really, really impressed with the city of Cleveland.  I had it in my mind that it was one of these old steel kind of rust belt cities.   JASON HARTMAN: A blighted area.   MOM: But wow was I impressed.  Downtown—beautiful, beautiful displays of flowers everywhere.  And darling restaurants, and shops.  I just couldn't get over how lovely it looked!  It was incredible!  And then, the drive that we took along Lake Erie, where all of those big, beautiful houses were—I mean, some of them were just like castles.  I was just blown away.   JASON HARTMAN: Those are like the old money—probably old industrial money—homes, and they were very impressive.   MOM: But there were also beautiful neighborhoods that, these weren't castles, but they were beautiful big homes, just one house after another, huge big lawns, everything was green, lots of trees, flowers, just a lovely sight to drive around.   JASON HARTMAN: Amazingly, you know, some of these former rust belt cities are really finally getting it.  They're not doing the idiotic thing, you know, the big government liberal thing, where they drive all the businesses out, like California has been for so many years.  And they're getting it.  I mean, there are a whole bunch of incentives to move your business to Cleveland.  They'll give you free real estate, they'll give you free warehouses.  And I mean, mom, one of the things that just, I couldn't believe it—you know, we went to the rock and roll hall of fame, we had lunch downtown, we had dinner downtown the night before, at that beautiful restaurant—what was that called?  Blue Nose, or something?   MOM: I think it was Blue Point, or Point Blue?   JASON HARTMAN: Blue Point, yeah.   MOM: And there was a horse with carriage that you could drive around the city with—   JASON HARTMAN: There were a few of those, remember?  And remember my dog Coco, who's in the back seat here—   MOM: Oh, there was more than one of them, definitely.   JASON HARTMAN: Remember how Coco freaked out thinking that horse is a big dog?  She didn't know what to think of that.  But, that was amazing.  And, it was so clean, I didn't see a single homeless person anywhere.  Now, maybe it's just too cold to have many homeless people.  But it wasn't cold when we were there, of course, in the summer time, but it is other times of the year, and I mean, I was just amazed.  I did not think it would be that nice.  It certainly wasn't that nice last time I was there years ago.   MOM: And there was one charming area called Little Italy, with all of the tables out on the sidewalks, and the tablecloths, and people eating out in the evening.  It was just totally charming.  I was—I liked it a whole bunch.   Birmingham, Alabama, Real Estate   JASON HARTMAN: Okay, let's switch gears, and let's talk about our next real big property stop.  I mean, we did some others, but you know, these are the major highlights we'll give you.  And that was Birmingham, Alabama.  Now, we've been doing business in Birmingham for a while.  We stayed at that beautiful Weston Hotel in Birmingham, and that whole new area of redevelopment there that was really, really nice.  Shops, restaurants—it was gorgeous.  It was really nice.  Then we went out with our provider who we've been working with for a long time.  We saw some of the homes that you, the listeners, our clients, have purchased and rented.  And some that are in escrow, or under contract, I should say, and you know, you haven't closed on them yet.  We saw some of those, and took some video.  And the thing about Birmingham is that there are different management styles, different rehabbers or local market specialists that we work with have a different style of doing business.  And you know, one of the things I say is that this is a very fragmented industry.  Everybody works a little differently.  That's what keeps the institutional investors largely out of our business.  I know we've been talking about hedge funds, and private equity being in the real estate business.  But, they don't like it very much, and they're not really staying in it.  They're not here to stay.  Because   it's just too fragmented for them.  It's not easy for them, like other institutional investments that offer lower returns.  But when it's not your money, your return is not that critical of an issue, okay?  And that's how they think.  They just get paid to manage capital, right?  So, Birmingham, the key thing there is, our local market specialist there, is what I call the minimalist manager.  And what I mean by that is that these properties are really designed, and the rehab is done in such a way that the property is kind of bulletproof, if you will, where there's just not that much to break.  And you know, I was thinking about all the properties I own, and have owned over the years, and the things that break, and the things that I get—you know, calls on, or you know, the property manager shoots me an email on, asking me, do I approve this expense to fix this or that.  And I couldn't believe our local market specialist there, who's also a property manager.  You know, mom, do you want to talk about some of this minimalist management?  That you, by the way, loved it, okay.  I was a little bit less enamored of it than you.  But the more I think about it, the more I think, gosh, you really could have nearly expense-free properties with this style.  What are your thoughts?   MOM: I was impressed.  Because if you don't have a garbage disposal to fix, or a dishwasher—   JASON HARTMAN: You know, they said the actually prefer properties with no garages, and if it has a garage, they usually take the garage door out and just make it a room!  Because it's less things to break, you know?  There's never going to be a garage door to repair.  There's never going to be a garage door opener to repair.  Things like that.   MOM: Yeah.  And no microwave oven to replace.  I just love the whole concept of this minimalist type of thing.  It reminded me of houses that were built in Los Angeles in the 1940s.  They didn't have all of these great, modern improvements, you know?  All of these kitchen packages, the stove, the refrigerator, the microwave, the garbage disposal—that wasn't in existence in Birmingham.  And those would be great houses.  The rent might be lower, but you're not going to spend all of that money fixing them up and hiring plumbers to go out there.   JASON HARTMAN: Well, the rent really is quite good.  I mean, these are lower middle houses, okay?  And so, the typical deal there that we looked at, where you'll buy the property for maybe $55-65,000—I mean, there are—this fluctuates, but this is what we kind of looked at that day.  And it will rent for about 1.2% of the value.  Maybe somewhere in that range.  So, your $60,000 property will rent for $800 a month.  And it's a minimalist deal, so again, the tenant doesn't have very high expectations.  They get a single family detached home, and they get a yard, front and back, and they get three bedrooms, and one or two baths—   MOM: And another nice aspect of those homes is, because they are the older homes, is that they typically have hardwood floors in.  So, hardwood floors are much more desirable than carpets.  And you don't have to keep replacing the carpets.   JASON HARTMAN: Yeah.  A lot less maintenance there.  So, that's the minimalist style of management.  And what it means—no garbage disposals, no dishwashers, no microwave, no garage, and obviously, no refrigerator, washer, and dryer.  The tenant supplies their own.  And the tenant can treat the dishwasher just like any other appliance.  They don't, a lot of times, expect a washer, dryer, or a refrigerator.  So, they bring those, and they can bring a dishwasher too.  There are dishwashers that are mobile, that are, you know, not built in.   MOM: When I said the rents are lower, they're not lower in—they're lower than the rents that you would get in California.  But in relation to the prices that you pay for those houses, you are having positive cash flow!  I mean great positive cash flow.  And the point is that you get to keep most of it, because you don't have to spend it all in repairs.   JASON HARTMAN: Yeah, good stuff.  And we're gonna be touring, by the way, slated for mid, maybe late September, but our Little Rock Property Tour.  By the time you hear this I'm pretty sure it'll be on the website at www.jasonhartman.com, so there's another great market that you can look at.  And I just—we're kind of running out of time, so I think I'm going to skip telling you about our Dallas tour.  I mean, not ours as a company, but my Dallas tour.  And I'm not gonna tell you about discounted notes, and those kinds of opportunities, in this show, because we're already at about 30 minutes here.  But I do want to tell you, go to www.jasonhartman.com, join us for our Little Rock Creating Wealth Seminar and Property Tour, and that will be in mid-late September, more details to follow very soon, but you can register and get the early bird pricing, at www.jasonhartman.com, in the events section.    [MUSIC]   ANNOUNCER (FEMALE): I've never really thought of Jason as subversive, but I just found that's what Wall Street considers him to be!   ANNOUNCER (MALE): Really?  How is that possible at all?   ANNOUNCER (FEMALE): Simple.  Wall Street believes that real estate investors are dangerous to their schemes, because the dirty truth about income property is that it actually works in real life.   ANNOUNCER (MALE): I know!  I mean, how many people do you know, not including insiders, who created wealth with stocks, bonds, and mutual funds?  Those options are for people who only want to pretend they're getting ahead.   ANNOUNCER (FEMALE): Stocks, and other non-direct traded assets, are losing game for most people.  The typical scenario is: you make a little, you lose a little, and spin your wheels for decades.   ANNOUNCER (MALE): That's because the corporate crooks running the stock and bond investing game will always see to it that they win!  Which means, unless you're one of them, you will not win.   ANNOUNCER (FEMALE): And, unluckily for Wall Street, Jason has a unique ability to make the everyday person understand investing the way it should be.  He shows them a world where anything less than a 26% annual return is disappointing.   ANNOUNCER (MALE): Yep, and that's why Jason offers a one book set on creating wealth that comes with 20 digital download audios.  He shows us how we can be excited about these scary times, and exploit the incredible opportunities this present economy has afforded us.   ANNOUNCER (FEMALE): We can pick local markets, untouched by the economic downturn, exploit packaged commodities investing, and achieve exceptional returns safely and securely.   ANNOUNCER (MALE): I like how he teaches you to protect the equity in your home before it disappears, and how to outsource your debt obligations to the government.   ANNOUNCER (FEMALE): And this set of advanced strategies for wealth creation is being offered for only $197.   ANNOUNCER (MALE): To get your creating wealth encyclopedia, book one, complete with over 20 hours of audio, go to www.jasonhartman.com/store.   ANNOUNCER (FEMALE): If you want to be able to sit back and collect checks every month, just like a banker, Jason's creating wealth encyclopedia series is for you.   [MUSIC]   ANNOUNCER: This show is produced by the Hartman Media Company.  All rights reserved.  For distribution or publication rights and media interviews, please visit www.HartmanMedia.com, or email media@hartmanmedia.com.  Nothing on this show should be considered specific personal or professional advice.  Please consult an appropriate tax, legal, real estate, or business professional for any individualized advice.  Opinions of guests are their own, and the host is acting on behalf of Platinum Properties Investor Network, Inc. exclusively.

Do you have your last words ready? Colleen and Annie tell you some of their favorite last words of all time, both making you laugh and accidentally ponder your exisitence. Yeah, sorry about the pondering. But don't worry balanced out all that depressing stuff with talk of boogers. *whispered* Awwwwwwsome. Musical Guest: Voxtrot performing "Mothers, Daughters, Sisters, and Wives" and "The Start of Something" Tales of Wonder: * How to Save our Nation's Capital from Vandalism-ers * Kindergarten Cop Prank Calls * Henry Rollins is Crazy (but Likes Lemony Snicket) * Thomas Grasso's Last Words * Amber from ">"Mom You're Ruining Our Fort" Says Hello, Hotline Style * Don't Put Butter Down Your Pants Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context: * "Are you going to paddle on the Jefferson?" * "Henry Rollins, not to be confused with HarperCollins." * "You think cow milk is expensive these days. You should try finding panda milk." * "La Mega Te Paga. Oooh I'm covered wine...now wait this is money."