Podcasts about whaddaya

Kurt Takes Twat Lessons.In 8 parts, based on the works of Bardot1990. Listen to the ► Podcast at ExplicitNovels.At the end of first period Paula Fuller happened upon a casual friend, Kurt Kuhlmann, Denise Allen’s boyfriend. Paula and Kurt had several classes together; they had a casual relationship. Paula served as Kurt’s occasional confidant, a relationship that came about due to Kurt’s friendship with one of Paula’s ex-boyfriends. Kurt and Paula’s friendship outlasted that relationship and had taken on a life of its own.“Hey Kurt!” Paula challenged. “Whatcha doin’?”Kurt responded, “Meh. Have you seen Denise? I can’t find her.”Paula was aware of Denise’s “every three days” rule and the rationale behind it. (Denise liked being blasted with a cum tsunami as opposed to a series of smaller pops.) Paula empathized with Kurt. She listened to his gripes about being subject to Denise’s cunny ration.“It’s Thursday!” Paula laughed. “You must be ready!”Kurt’s look of woe contradicted the happy face he usually displayed on his scheduled days with Denise.“Uh-oh,” Paula cautioned.“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Kurt groused.He could hide his disappointment at being shunted aside by his girlfriend. His “acceptance” of Denise’s caveat that morning had caused a rift between them. Sharon Minor had recently given him a mini-blowjob to assuage his fragile ego. Still, Kurt sought out Denise, hoping that she might re-consider. He mentioned most of this to Paula, all except the mini-blowjob part. Secretly, he hoped Paula might follow Sharon’s lead. Paula would certainly be less empathetic given knowledge of Kurt’s congress with Sharon.Paula Fuller went to her second period class consumed with concern over her friend Kurt’s problem. Of course, she knew all the pertinent details. Kurt wasn’t shy about spreading his business around. She often assured him that most boys his age cum as soon as they get it in. Women expect it. It’s not the first insertion that makes for an enjoyable fuck session; it’s usually the third, Paula suggested, when a man’s cock sensitivity has diminished.Paula knew that this fact would do little to allay Kurt’s ego. She knew, too, the person most in need of this bit of insight was Denise. Alas, she and Denise weren’t close enough to discuss the vagaries of unprotected Cuntl sex. If Paula even deigned to broach the subject, Denise would know she’d been having intimate conversations with Kurt.Even as Paula considered Kurt’s plight, she was mindful of her own need. Where was that damned James Kittridge? He seemed to be possessed of an unusual measure of stamina. Their sessions earlier that week had been decidedly memorable, cooling Paula’s rampant Cuntl burn with precision. Paula was in dire need of a top off. Perhaps she might find James and use him to clear her mind, using his dick.That was her intent, anyway.Paula rushed from her second period class to the school gym, hopeful of heading James off at the pass. Her blood was up. She’d gone without the day before. She thought that James might be amenable to a quickie, maybe not with dick, but certainly with some tongue. Her cunny moistened with anticipation.James was nowhere to be found. He didn’t even show up to gym class. Dejected, Paula trudged off to her third period class. She passed Denise Allen in the hallway and nodded a cordial hello. Denise recognized Paula as part of Kurt’s extended circle. She didn’t know the nature of Paula and Kurt’s friendship, but didn’t think much of her. Denise acknowledged Paula’s nod rather less cordially than it had been offered.It was a diss. Paula took Denise’s coolness as a slight. They were women. Cattiness came as part and parcel of the genre.Now it occurred to Paula that she might have a card to play in this newly perceived melodrama: Kurt Kuhlmann. Kurt and Denise were at loggerheads, right? And this friggin’ cunt had the nerve to friggin’ diss? James might not be available, but Kurt certainly was. Besides, he was a friend. And he needed some attention. Right?Resolutely, Paula went in search of Kurt. She snagged him just as the third period bell sounded. He was already seated in class. Paula peeked into his classroom. She caught his eye and gave him the “C'mere” look. Kurt immediately responded, stepping into the hallway beside her.“Listen,” Paula said, “If you’ve got a few minutes to spare, I want to talk.”“Sure,” Kurt said.“Kurt, I’ve been thinking about your problem. I keep trying to tell you that it happens to all men, but you don’t want to listen. If you like, I can show you a few things that might help.”“Whaddaya mean?” Kurt responded quizzically.“I saw your girlfriend in the hall a few minutes ago. She dissed me for no reason. I don’t like her, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I can show you some things. Maybe you can get her back. If you want her.”This was Sharon’s schpiel, too. Kurt immediately recognized Paula’s offer as booty call. How Denise’s diss metastasized into a booty call wasn’t his concern. First, Sharon had given him a mini-suck. Now Paula wanted in on the game. Kurt reckoned that his relationship problems tended to be cunt magnet. He resolved to have more of them.“Show me some things? Like what?” he asked, already knowing the upshot.“Follow me,” Paula advised.By now the school hallways had cleared considerably. Paula and Kurt had the main thoroughfares to themselves. Paula explained her rationale.“Kurt, this problem you have with Denise’s, er, ‘snapper’, is very common. I’ve told you this before. You get it, in, and all of a sudden its over. That’s good for you. But it’s bad for her. From what you’ve told me, she doesn’t seem to mind if you’re, quick. She minds that your, your, 'Money shot’, isn’t forceful enough. Do I have that right?”Kurt nodded in agreement.“OK. You’re lucky. Most women want you to have a little more stamina. As I see it, what you need is a method to stock up on blast fuel. That way, when you , 'Finish’, she can feel the, 'Rush.”Again, Kurt nodded his assent. In his mind he was thinking that Paula was going to suggest an artificial supplement that suppresses semen delivery while narrowing the delivery pipe, thus increasing the force of delivery. He’d done some PVC sprinkler work; the concept of successively narrowing pipes to increase delivery pressure was familiar to him.Paula continued.“Kurt, what you have to do is put it in, move it around a bit, and then pull it out just Before the, Finish, becomes inevitable.”“Pull it out?” Kurt wondered, bewildered at the thought.“Yes, Kurt. Pull it out. Pull it out and don’t touch it. Let it catch its breath. Then try her again.”“I don’t know if I can do that. It all happens so fast.”“Well, the idea is to develop a tolerance. It’s like taking a hit of cocaine. The first time you do it, it blows you away. Maybe the second time, too. But after that it takes more and more cocaine to do the trick. You develop a tolerance. You need to develop a tolerance for, you know, cunt.”“But she can suck me or we can do it up the booty and I don’t cum too fast,” he commiserated.“We’re not talking about her mouth or her ass, Kurt. We’re talking about her CUNNY.”“She cums when I put it up her cunt,” Kurt protested.“Yeh, but she wants a quality orgasm, Kurt. There’s a difference between cumming and CUMMING.”“So what do you suggest?” Kurt asked.“Well. I didn’t want to do this, us being friends and all. And you can’t make too much out of it. I’ll only do it this once. You understand?”Kurt was very aware of where this conversation was headed. And very appreciative.Ten minutes later Kurt and Paula were naked together in the back of a throwback Dodge van in the school parking lot. The vision of Paula’s hairless Cunt had Kurt’s phallus rocketing skyward. He didn’t know that her shaven cunt indicated, to her female friends, a recent sexual encounter.“Wow! You have a big one!” Paula mused, pointing to his lumbering cock. “I don’t think I can take it right off the bat. Can you lick me before you stick me?”Actually, this was a lie. Paula was fully capable of engulfing the big ones on sight. She was already wet. She just wanted some head. What girl doesn’t? Kurt readily agreed. What boy wouldn’t?Paula lay back on the van’s faux shag carpet, opening her legs for Kurt’s consideration. He marveled at her nakedness. Her proportions were perfection itself. Paula’s tits were pink and perky, and they wobbled like peach gelatin, ever so slightly each time she moved. Her abdomen, too, was free of excess, not athletically tight, but very softly feminine. Of course, her navel was an “innie”. There was a freshness about her that contrasted nicely with that glint of lust in her green eyes. Her smile was guileless. She had two rabbit’s teeth that were a bit larger than her others; her lips mimicked the heart shape of her vulva. They were red and sensual without the addition of lipstick. She looked as if she’d been born to suck cock, her mouth a second, more esurient, cunt.Too, she went fully shaven. There were no hints of pubes under her pits or between her thighs, not even a smidgen of stubble. Even her forearms and calves went shorn.And her cunt? Get right outta town. Bald as an egg! Paula had two bubbly labia majora and two luscious pink labia minora guarding the entrance to her canal. Crowned with a fat little pliable clit, her exposed slit would make a dead man cum. She sparkled with gleam. One could eat at her Y for hours and not go unsated.She certainly didn’t have Denise’s soft pelt of curly ebon down between her legs. Kurt had no way of knowing that Paula’s golden carpet had only been recently scraped away. (High school boys are always fascinated by a woman’s pubic mound, hair and all, reasoning that any fifth grade girl can be bald down there. High school girls don’t tend to know this; they shave their pussies according to the most current beauty trends.)Kurt was a huge fan of Denise’s fuzzy pelt though he didn’t mention it much. In fact, it was the silken slide of Denise’s luxuriant twat that usually engendered his ejaculate.Paula’s shaven cunt was nice. Kurt thought he could give her a poke with some measure of restraint. He knelt between her thighs to inhale that first obligatory sniff of paradise.There’s always something about that first sniff. People in long-term relationships know the sniff intimately. It grows on them over time. Like fine wine, it becomes a source of comfort, an opiate, a safe port in a storm. All other things being equal, that first sniff of poonan can keep a couple seething in lust for decades.Too, every cunt in the world has its own unique aroma. At its best, it’s sultry. Sweltering. Alluring. When that aroma tweaks the right olfactory nerves the sex can be amazing. Scent is easily the most powerful of the senses. It’s why jungle cats pee on trees.Paula’s cunt whispered of riotous wildflowers, rhododendrons, fine tawny port, dick, and Lagerfeld cologne. One might easily imagine flocks of hummingbirds hovering manically about her cleft, competing for the privilege to siphon sips of her most intimate Cuntl nectar.Paula smiled up at Kurt lazily. She knew the dizzying effect her cunt bouquet had on men. Having Paula’s radiant cunt before him now, inches from his face, Kurt was appropriately dazzled. In his wildest dreams he’d never thought he’d get the chance at both Paula Fuller and Sharon Minor in the same lifetime, much less the same day.Kurt nudged his nose into her cleft. From this proximity, Paula’s cunt seemed almost magical. He drew a second, more personal, whiff, savoring the flavor. Paula could feel his hot breath coursing breezily over her shaven labia. She always loved that part.Men!But it was also lesson time. Paula got down to brass tacks.“I’m going to let you suck my cunt for a little bit, Okay? I like it. I think you’ll like it, too. It gets me wet for when you go to put your dick in. If you like, I can suck you, too. What’s important is this: You must not cum. I want you to note each time you are ready to cum. Try to find the point where it’s inevitable. Stop just before you get there. Whether it’s in my mouth or my cunt, if you want to get past all this cumming too soon, you have to get used to being inside me. You understand?”“I think so,” Kurt replied. He was already ready to cum.“Don’t 'think so’, Kurt. Know so. Get used to pulling out and starting over. Try to go a little longer and deeper each time. Three pumps. Five pumps. Ten. When you get to the point where you can go a full minute, I’ll show you another technique. What is it that calms you?”“I, I like playing baseball.”“OK, good. When you get going inside me good, think about being on a baseball path. Concentrate on what it takes to steal a base. Watch the pitcher’s move, watch his leg kick. Time the catcher’s throw. If you can concentrate on that while fucking, and do it for ten or fifteen minutes, you’ll have Denise eating out of your hands.”“But, Denise doesn’t care how long I go. She just wants to really feel it when I cum.”“I know, I know. You’ve told me a thousand times. If and when you build up stamina, hold it back and hold it back some more, you’ll build up enough pressure to blast her out of the Universe. Come to think of it, I like it when that happens to me, too!” Paula chortled.“Okay,” he replied.“One last thing, Kurt,” Paula continued, “If you feel Me cumming, you can just go ahead and cum. I’ll usually tell you when I’m about to cum, but if I don’t, and you feel my cunt twitching real fast, that’s the moment. I’ll start humping you really fast and hard. Don’t go soft if that happens. Just go ahead and slam it in there. Deep and hard. I’m a big girl. The harder you hit it, the better I like it. I’m sure Denise likes it like that, too.”“Well, except for the twitching part, we never get that far,” Kurt replied. “I can feel her cunt snapping real tight around my dick, twitching Really tight, as soon as I get it in. And that’s what makes me cum. And the next thing I know we’re waking up all sweaty and wet. We never get around to the 'deep and hard’ stuff.”“Well you can get around to the deep and hard stuff with me,” Paula countered. “Just plow it in there when I start twitching. Go fast, go hard. Even if you cum too soon, we can always try again. We have the whole hour.”Kurt’s erection was becoming painful. He was happy to conclude Paula’s lesson session.“We can start practicing now, if you want,” he commented. “I’m ready.”“Eat my cunt, Kurt,” came Paula’s response. “Don’t get too far ahead of the game.”She rotated her hips to amplify the ethereal effect of her split fragrance. Smiling drunkenly, Kurt went in. Paula hadn’t indicated a preference for a violent oral assault so he began slowly. He sniffed and licked Paula’s pink cunt lovingly as if it were a favored pet cat just home from a three-day bender. She was his ice cream cone, his lollipop. Parting her slit with his tongue tip, bottom to top, Kurt finished with a double clit swirl and a wet, all-too-familiar kiss. Paula roiled. He essayed the move again, this time paying more attention to Paula’s cunt sidewalls and her flower petal-like inner cunt lips. Paula’s scent billowed forth. He kissed her cunt again. Paula shivered her hips opulently, hinting at the existence of another orifice just south, a special orifice, an orifice too in need of special oral attention.Paula’s cunt puckered open. Kurt inserted his tongue, just the tip at first, but soon enough the entirety of it. His upper lip engulfed her clit. Paula moaned. Her hip rotations became increasingly animated, strident. Kurt could sense that his dick was in for a comprehensive shagging if and when he finally got it in. Paula was humping the shit out of his tongue. It was as if she hadn’t had her cunt sucked in days.“Oh! Kurt! Go slower! Softer, damn it! I’m gonna cum!”He hadn’t realized that women sometimes suffer from pre-mature ejaculation, too. He’d only been down there for a couple of moments. Paula was on the verge. She hadn’t lied about letting him know of her progress toward closure.“Go ahead,” he mumbled.“No!” she fairly shrieked. “Not yet!”She pushed his head away from her churning cunt. Kurt could see that her pelvic thrusts were involuntary. Her pelvis jerked upward for want of pole. Paula really was flirting with disaster.As her hip rotations slowed, Kurt could see Paula’s back arching abnormally. She bent her vertebrae almost perpendicular just before unleashing a monstrously quick upward pelvic thrust. It was like watching a slingshot whipping a stone at a squirrel. This was Paula’s orgasmic rage in motion. She’d said she wanted to be slammed at the moment of detonation. And here she was slamming, the air. There was no dick or tongue in her. She wanted to cum, but then again, she didn’t. Paula was showing him the mechanics of restraint.Kurt waited for her breathing to calm.“Did you cum?” he asked.“Almost,” she huffed breathlessly. “You see what I did there? That’s what you have to do.”“If I start whipping my dick around like you just did, I’ll cum. I almost came just from watching you.”It was true. A dollop of pre-cum dripped from his urethra. Paula noticed it.“Yeh, I see. If I suck you now, you’ll be done and gone.”She pulled his head back down between her thighs.“Okay, let’s try this again,” she whispered. “Suck it like you did before. That was good.”They repeated their cunnilingual session, yielding the exact same result. Two minutes in, Paula’s cunt churn became manic, even extreme. The lights and the zoom of the impending maelstrom crazed throughout her body, unleashing scads of cunt scent and anguished moans before Paula pushed him away. She began humping the air fast and quick, like a male dog in heat. Kurt longed to insert himself, and almost did, but held back with a monumental effort. He watched Paula calm. He even scoote

The Hamilton Today Podcast with Scott Thompson: The worst tippers in the world are... Canadians! Wait, Canadians? It's been 25 years since Payne Stewart won the 1991 U.S. Open. Payne passed on in October of 1999 but his legacy lives on, and local entrepreneur Mark Sutcliffe is doing his part to ensure that!. Ontario is set to introduce automatic license plate renewal to drivers in good standing. Liberal MPs say that a meeting between Trudeau and caucus is needed following the surprise loss in the Toronto/St. Paul byelection. Tonight will see the first US presidential debate between Biden & Trump. If electric vehicles (EVs) can travel 400-500 kilometres on a single charge, why do we need public charging stations everywhere? Can't we just charge at home? Who drives more than 400 kilometres a day anyway? Historic samples from the far side of the moon have been collected and returned to Earth aboard China's Chang'e-6 mission to the moon. The carbon tax is apparently costing Ontario's economy money rather than saving to the tune of $4.1 billion a year. Guests: Kelly Higginson, CEO of Restaurants Canada Mark Sutcliffe, Filmmaker and Chairman of Posse Apparel, parent company of the Payne Stewart Collection Lorraine Sommerfeld, columnist with Driving.ca and the Hamilton Spectator Wayne Petrozzi, Professor Emeritus of Politics and Public Administration at Toronto Metropolitan University Reggie Cecchini, Washington Correspondent for Global News Brian Kingston, President of the Canadian Vehicle Manufacturers Association Aaron Boley, Associate Professor of Astronomy and Astrophysics with the University of British Columbia Jay Goldberg Ontario Atlantic Director for the Canadian Taxpayers Federation Scott Radley, Host of The Scott Radley Show and Columnist with The Hamilton Spectator Host – Scott Thompson Content Producer – William Erskine Technical/Podcast Producer – Tom Craig Podcast Co-Producer – Ben Straughan News Anchor – Dave Woodard Want to keep up with what happened in Hamilton Today? Subscribe to the podcast! https://megaphone.link/CORU8835115919 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SAN ONOFRE-Jason Lamb interviú Nomeansno-From Obscurity to Oblivion Presentamos nuestro Librito Jenkins Angloentrevistas, Vol. 2 El Ágora del Lúpulo- Sábado, 29 junio 2024; 19:00 h. SAN ONOFRE arrastramos ahora hasta el matadero a Jason Lamb, segundo escritor al que despedazamos en dos semanas. ¡Cielos, qué coincidencia, SAN ONOFRE también acabamos de publicar! Más curiosidades: los mataderos juegan un importante papel en "América Profunda" y nuestra víctima onofrita de hoy se apellida "cordero". Sí, "like a Jason to the slaughter". Fíjense en la instantánea, ¡más majo que las pesetas! La biblia de Jasón Cordero Degollao es de obligada compra, relecturas, regurgitaciones e incluso está pidiendo a gritos un buen roll in the hay, que tiene un tacto que a uno le hace olvidarse de los más elementales principios del decoro. Sí, salvaje bacanal para los cinco sentidos: La escena de Victoria, BC y todos los recovecos, entresijos, anécdotas SAN ONOFRE style (no style), glorias y mezquindades de Nomeansno. Whaddaya mean "NO"?! Kill Everyone Now. Indeed!

SPONSORS: - Don't miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/nottoday or through my promo code NOTTODAY Whaddaya hear?! Whaddaya say?! Welcome back to another episode of Not Today, Pal. This week, Rob and Jamie are joined by comic/actor Sebastian Maniscalco! They talk about Sebastian's recent forays into acting particularly his performance in Martin Scorsese's "The Irishman". The trio dives into discussion about "The Sopranos" before going into a Memory Lane. They also share a movie theater popcorn hack, debate bathroom humor, discover some guilty pleasure TV show, and Sebastian also shares some very insightful advice for Rob. Check it out! https://www.instagram.com/jamielynnsigler https://www.instagram.com/nottodaypalshow https://store.ymhstudios.com Not Today, Pal Ep. 42 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We really appreciate the feedback and suggestions we've been getting so far from all y'all about some of the songs we're considering for the new album. Here are a couple more we thinking about including. Whaddaya think?At last week's rehearsal, Pamela Bowen videoed two very different tunes. First is our take on the jazz standard “But Not for Me.”As reported here earlier, George and Ira Gershwin penned this song in 1930 for the stage musical “Girl Crazy” (in which it was premiered by Ginger Rogers). The song didn't take off right away, but later it became a darling of the new cool jazz cats in the 1950s.After capturing that number, Pamela's video makes a 180-degree pivot to something a bit more down home. Randy takes over the vocals and Charlie switches to banjo for “Ready for the Times to Get Better.”This 1978 composition was one of songwriter Allen Reynolds' contributions to the career of then-up-and-coming country star Crystal Gayle. As reported recently, the song went on to be covered by Marshall Chapman, Joe Sun, Cody Jinks, Billy Strings, and — most notably — by our hero, Doc Watson.So, Whaddaya Think?Should either or both be on the new album? This will be our first studio effort since Paul Martin put together Speechless in 2021, and it will be the first to feature our newest Floodsters, Danny Cox and Jack Nuckols.We love having your help in planning it. Send us your suggestions about either or both of these latest nominated songs — just drop email to Charlie at designbybowen@gmail.com — and we'll keep you posted as the work continues. Thanks, friends.Meanwhile, Mark Your Calendar: April 21!Hey, it's the first day of Spring 2024! What a great day to announce the next public Flood gathering, a spring fling.We're so thrilled to be invited by our dear friends at Alchemy Theatre to launch a new series of community music shows at their beautiful venue at Geneva Kent Arts Center, 68 Holley Ave. in the hills of Huntington. That, of course, is the same sweet spot that hosted our big “Flood at 50” birthday bash last New Year's Eve.The Family Flood is eager to do what we're calling the “Floodango” as a fundraiser for this wonderful bunch.We'll have more information about the April 21 show in the weeks ahead. For now, put us on your calendar, tell yer friends and plan to share a special spring Sunday afternoon with us at the coolest new spot in town. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit 1937flood.substack.com

A look at dining and drink options around the theatre complex, plus an interview with ‘A Jukebox for the Algonquin' playwright Paul Stroili In this episode of the OnStage Colorado podcast, hosts Alex Miller and Toni Tresca recap some of the action from the Denver Center's Colorado New Play Summit and have some fun with the new musical Gwyneth Goes Skiing — a campy retelling of the recent lawsuit between the film star and Goop magnate and a litigious optometrist. Will it come to Colorado? We hope so! (Here's the trailer.)   Later in the pod, Alex catches up with playwright Paul Stroili, whose newish comedy A Jukebox for the Algonquin is now running at Miners Alley Performing Arts Center. Stroili, who also appears in the MAP production, recounts how the story came about, his experience premiering it at Jeff Daniels' famous Purple Rose Theatre and what it's been like acting in his own play.   Theatre companies and other organizations mentioned in this podcast include:   801 Fish Arts HUB Lafayette Bas Bleu Benchmark Theatre Bistro LeRoux Boulder Ballet Breckenridge Backstage Theatre Colorado New Play Summit Colorado Springs Fine Arts Center Creede Repertory Theatre CU Boulder Theatre Dept. Dazzle Denver Center Funky Little Theatre Company Garner Galleria Geffen Theatre Hotel Teatro Impossible Players Local Theater/Local Lab Miners Alley Pleasance Theatre Prelude & Post Purple Rose Theatre Sam's No. 3 STK Steakhouse

Jim Irizarry is in for Darin this afternoon. Brendan King from the South Bend Cubs graciously interrupts his Florida vacation to talk baseball. If you can't find any basketball to wet your whistle, that's a you problem. High school sectionals, the Irish men, even a crappy Pistons-Bulls game!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jim Irizarry is in for Darin this afternoon. Brendan King from the South Bend Cubs graciously interrupts his Florida vacation to talk baseball. If you can't find any basketball to wet your whistle, that's a you problem. High school sectionals, the Irish men, even a crappy Pistons-Bulls game!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Whaddaya get when you take a dead guy, an invisible monster and a heaping dose of post-Civil War Traumatic Stress Disorder? “The Damned Thing” by Ambrose Bierce! The missingest author in the history of Weird Fiction!

We want your advice, friends. We're in the early — EARLY! — stages of planning The Flood's next album, which we hope to record later this year.Right now we're just starting to figure out what tunes we might want to record in the project, and we would really appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.For instance, here's a tune we like from last week's rehearsal that our manager, Pamela Bowen, captured on video. What do you think? Is this one we should take to the studio? About the SongThis great old Jerry Leiber-Mike Stoller composition, which The Coasters recorded in 1957, was featured in an earlier Flood Watch article. Click here if you want to read its backstory.A minor hit for The Coasters, the tune was resurrected nine years later when a little-known group called The Chicago Loop took it to No. 37 on the Billboard charts. But in the Floodisphere, we were much more impressed with a different pressing of the song a year earlier. Flood favorite folkie Tom Rush's 1965 self-titled debut Elektra album included a rocking rendition accompanied by Bill Lee, John Sebastian (of The Lovin' Spoonful) and Fritz Richmond (of The Jim Kweskin Jug Band.)Anyway, Give Us Your Thoughts!But back to The Flood's studio project, this will be our first new album since Paul Martin put together Speechless in 2021, and it will be the first to feature our newest Floodsters, Danny Cox and Jack Nuckols.We'd love to have your help to planning it. Send us your suggestions — just drop an email to Charlie at designbybowen@gmail.com — and we'll keep you posted as the work continues. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit 1937flood.substack.com

Watch this while you poop: https://youtube.com/shorts/lEUJiVQAC4o?si=vKEEVxC1GrkyGEl0 Leave us a message: https://anchor.fm/trashtimepod/message Stay gross! Thank you for listening to the Trash Time Radio Hour! And special thank you to our beautiful supporters Matt, Scott, Jacob, Jeremiah, Evan, Angela, Bren, Al, Joe, and Mindy. If you're interested in joining this elite group of trash bags by supporting this incredibly stupid but very fun project of ours, you can do so by going to this link and clicking “Support.” --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/trashtimepod/support

The crew discovers the many forms of currency in Goblin society.   Discord: discord.stumblequest.com   Theme: Struttin' by Louie Zong   Music from https://filmmusic.io "Blip Stream"  by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0

It's hard out here for a bigoted movie star! (Producer's note: apologies for Todd's hot mic, there was a technical error not detected during the original airing of the show. Whaddaya want? This shit is free for you.)

Whaddaya hear, whaddaya say?! Eric Gomes is on and the boys give Take As Needed a lil Reel Hungry flavor along with an announcement about the coming show. Eric and Jimmy also smoke some hash for this lackluster of a 4th of July and bring you an almost 2 hour extravaganza. The boys dive deep into men's mental health, being "hybrids" in today's society, relationships you shouldn't have with a chemical imbalance, why you should cut off porn, how the world would most likely end and more conspiracy theory talk. (Bro, we were really high) Oh, and that weird Lena the Plug situation, yeah, we touch on that too cause why the f*ck not?

Whaddaya call a podcast bout a bunch of stuff? I don’t know Dad, what? SomethingSomethingcast, Carl…..  SOMETHIN SOMETHIN! So it is the end of the world as we know it, and honestly nobody seems fine at all. There’s zombies, there’s drama, there’s baseball bats, and was the destination worth the journey or was it all just a set-up for some new journeys? We discuss the end of the iconic horror series The Walking Dead this week on The End! Ok, here we go Carl…. HERE WE GO! Full Episode

You're in a meeting making a pitch about whatever, and the reception is negative. Lots of push back. Whaddaya do? What separates the "A Team" from everyone else? A few thoughts for your consideration. For more content, go to BillGoldstein.com. Buy the book “Skip the Funeral,” available on Amazon. And give the podcast a rating, write a review, or comment if you an episode idea or a topic suggestion, at Apple Podcasts and PodChaser.com.

We travel back to the Old West to examine JONAH HEX! Is this scarred gunslinger really as fearsome as he looks? Listen in to find out!  Issue 174 - Jonah Hex Intro PuchiCon appearance May 14th  Background (4:50) Jonah Hex created by John Albano and Tony DeZuinga in All-Star Western #10 (Feb-Mar 1972) Jonah Hex is born in 1838 to an alcoholic father who sold him at age 13 to Apaches as a slave He is betrayed by his adopted brother in the tribe and left to die - years later when he returns to the tribe, he reveals the betrayal - he is forced to battle his brother and kills him, and in response the chieftain scarred his face with a heated tomahawk and exiled him once again He then went off to serve as a bounty hunter Most of his stories stay in his own time period, but he has been brought forward in time a few times Lords of Time compile a team to battle the Justice League & Justice Society, including Jonah He was also incorporated into Crisis on Infinite Earths At one point, he gets kidnapped and brought to post-apocalyptic 21st century Seattle to fight for the man who kidnapped him, but he escaped and continued to rove the country looking for a way to return home Had several relationships with various women, including at least two marriages - the first one to Mei Ling ended when she became pregnant and ran off with the child, Jason, who wasn't in Jonah's life until he was an adult Second marriage was to a Native American woman named Tall Bird, later in his life - after he was killed by a man who survived a bounty hit, his corpse was sold and put on display several times until Tall Bird acquired it and gave him a proper burial Issues - Theme is walking to the beat of your own broken drum (8:20) Abused by alcoholic father Betrayed by adopted brother in tribe (13:10) Didn't really know Jason until he was an adult, and then Jonah wanted nothing to do with him (23:04) Break (30:50) Plugs for Scotch n Sports, Play Comics, and Cullen Bunn Treatment (32:26) In-universe - Pretend to be captured and take the opportunity to speak with him Out of universe -  Skit (40:06) Hello Jonah, I'm Dr. Issues. - Doc. I understand this can all be a bit overwhelming, so please feel free to say as much or as little as you need. - Yer right, s'a lot to take in, but I've been in bigger scrapes n' this, I can get by. If you don't mind my asking, how did you end up in this time anyway? - Truth told, I can't recall. I'd just got done beatin' the hell outta some horse's ass come to town to cause trouble, went to a saloon to drink away the pain. Musta passed out, an' when I woke up I was in a field. Took a walk to ask someone what happened, an' come to find out I was in the future. Lucky for us, ain't the first time I been in this now, but I ain't never been in this HERE in this now. Best I can figure, someone either wants me here to fix somethin', or they DON'T want me where I was so they can ruin it. Either way, I aim to find out what it is an' go back home. That's… an incredible story. - Pfft, Doc, if'n you knew half o' the things I seen an' done, you'd turn whiter n' a preacher's collar. An' for you that'd be quite a feat. How vivid…*shudder* That's not something I think I can help you with. Any hints about what you're men to do? -Nope. Usually if it's important whoever needs to get to me does it quick. These time folks ain't about wastin' it. But what about wasting yours? -Whaddaya mean? I mean, your time is as valuable to you as mine is to me. All of this jumping around and fighting for…for what? - I don't get too attached to that.  But do you have…um…fun? Relaxation? -*laughs* Fun? Man, you ever get yer jaw rattled before, right on the scar that can't bleed but still hurts like hell? I've been punched, yeah, but not…where are you going with this? - I'm sayin' that folks in my line of work don't get cushy jobs, ain't no vacation. If I get a night, or a woman…well, as you folks say work hard, play harder. Still quite the visualist. Um…how about lasting relationships? -I've had boots that can last me a lifetime. That's about it. Family? -*pauses* Next question But -*interrupts* NEXT. QUESTION. Alright, Alright! Sheesh. Clearly a source of pain. Is that what gets you the most? -What gets me the most is nosey people trying to be cute and asking a question in a different way. Sharp man -Bout as sharp as this huntin' knife I always have handy. Wanna see?  *Gulp* I didn't mean to -*changing tone* Naw man, I mean you want to look at this craftsmanship here? The serration is perfect. Easy to release the flesh on contact. Not as good as my usual blade, but better for survival stuff since I don't have to fight right now. Skinnin' carcasses for pelts. **Plus it scares the shit outta most folks lookin' to start trouble.** Whoa, your whole demeanor changed. You're…engaged? -What? I'll never settle down like that, not agin'.  No, I mean you're showing interest in something and want me to listen. I didn't expect that. -Well what the hell am I here for? I thought doctors like you listen to people. Now I wanna talk about this, and you wanna talk about my family. Just listen would ya? I don't get to ever do this unless I gotta save someone's hide. You…you lonely man. -*Yelling* STOP GETTING SOFT YA HEAR? Yes Sir! -Now if you want, I can set up some sort of training for you, because it's obvious you're no survivalist. If I gotta be stuck here until I get home, you need to be useful. Is this your way of bonding? -*Oblivious* Well I usually don't have glue, so I just keep extra rope in my saddle bag. Comes in handy to keep bounties in check. But that kind of lesson comes with practice. You're making this awkward, and we're running out of time. -Shucks, we're just getting started. But don't worry. I'll figure out a way to get you a decent six-shooter; those new fangled guns just don't have the same grip. A man's gotta learn to fend for himself, ya get me son?  Don't call me…oh wow. I don't think you realize -*Interrupting, clearly dismissive* Well can't keep talking like that, gotta find a place to hit the hay. I'll make my way back to you, I'm sure of it. Just keep listening, I don't get to be this much of a…sage to just anybody. I'll listen again, and again, and again. But I can't fill that void forever. -*flustered groan* Just as long as it's on the job. Nothing else. Stay safe, ya hear? Ending (44:53) Recommended reading: Jonah Hex v2 (Palmiotti series) Next episodes: Grandma Chainsaw 2, The Dog Knight w/ Jeremy Whitley & Bre Indigo, Adam Warlock Plugs for social & GonnaGeek Network Roseparkradio commented on YT: Let Anthony voice the Penguin in DC Animation NOW! References: Red vs. Blue - Anthony (13:20) Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook TikTok  Patreon TeePublic Discord

This is when the writer leads you to think something big has happened in the story, like a character dying or falling in love or winning a big prize or something, only to have the character alive in the next part, or the prize or love never mentioned or addressed- this is “schmuck bait”. The writer gets you invested and excited for something but cops out, leaving the audience frustrated and cynical. This was common in older episodic things where the episodes are intended to be seen in any order, so the writers couldn't have continuing arcs and development across a season. It's also common in bad writing where the writer builds things up a lot for an events but then loses their nerve or just doesn't posses the skills to properly resolve things. This week Gunwallace has given us the theme to The Return of the Old Gods - Tonnal, dark, Intimidating, heavy sounds enveloping and surrounding, warning of doom-filled portents, and solemn premonitions. All created by fully electronic tones. Gunwallace: This one came out more to my liking. Sort of Fripp & Eno lite with some 70s sci-fi. Topics and shownotes Links Banes's newspost about Schmuck-bait here - https://www.theduckwebcomics.com/news/2023/feb/08/shmuck-bait/ Featured comic: The Return of the Old Gods - https://www.theduckwebcomics.com/news/2023/feb/08/featured-comic-the-return-of-the-old-gods/ Featured music: Prince of the Moonlight Stone - https://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Return_of_the_Old_Gods/ - by RabbitMaster, rated E. Special thanks to: Gunwallace - http://www.virtuallycomics.com Ozoneocean - https://www.theduckwebcomics.com/user/ozoneocean Kawaiidaigakusei - https://www.theduckwebcomics.com/user/kawaiidaigakusei Banes - https://www.theduckwebcomics.com/user/banes Tantz Aerine - https://www.theduckwebcomics.com/user/Tantz_Aerine/ VIDEO exclusive! Become a subscriber on the $5 level and up to see our weekly Patreon video and get our advertising perks! - https://www.patreon.com/DrunkDuck Even at $1 you get your name with a link on the front page and a mention in the weekend newsposts! Join us on Discord - https://discordapp.com/invite/7NpJ8GS

Whaddaya know, the dwarves dug too deep. Won't they ever learn? And Aewyn picks something up. Won't he ever learn?   Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NEWCRITS at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod

Whaddaya get when Brother and Sister won’t stop bragging? You get Grizzly Gramps throwing a lot of Bible quotes at them and then yelling that they’re fool! That’s right, the worst bear in Bear Country is back to learn these kids a thing or two in “The Berenstain Bears and the Biggest Brag!”

July and Constable Sweetland are still missing, not to mention the potentially rabid Great Dane, Ramses is out roaming the woods. Now, July's cabin has burned down and it might be arson. Doug's got a lot on his mind, and it's time for a check up…Hit play above to listen, scroll down to read. Please rate and review this story wherever you may have found it, and share with your friends if you think they might like it! Enjoy

Whaddaya get when you take one of H. P. Lovecraft’s most famous short stories and streeeeeetch it out? You get the Cabinet of Curiosities adaptation of “Pickman’s Model!” Is it very much like the story? Errrr… Is it entertaining? Heck yes!

As we’ve been journeying with Joseph and his family this fall, the children in our congregation have been doing a podcast, led by Deacon Emily Myallis. In this final episode of “Whaddaya know Joe” the kids talk about forgiveness and God working things out for the best.

We continue hosting the “Whaddaya Know Joe” podcast out of this channel.  In Episode 4, the kids discuss candy, glasses…and what does it mean to change!

In this episode, Deacon Emily invites the kids into some deeper reflection on the week’s theme:  resilience. (This is a children’s podcast that is being launched through this podcast channel during this season of Joseph)

Sometimes "reality" TV takes it one step too far.  Sometimes two steps.  Sometimes a flying leap. WARNING:  IMPLIED VIOLENCE AND TORTURE Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Announcer  - Frankenvox Alison - Beverly Poole Bart - Michael Faigenblum Carl - Mike Campbell Debbie - E. Vickery Ms. Sheldon - Sharon Delong Tanya - Tanja Milojevic Mom - Shayla Conrad-Simms Dad - Reynaud LeBoeuf Son - Eli Nilsson Fred - Joel Harvey Bob - Glen Hallstrom Helen - Helen Edwards June - Shelbi McIntyre Kathy - Kim Poole Additional Voices - Russell Gold; Julie Hoverson Music by Brian Bochicchio (Seraphic Panoply) Show theme:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock   "What kind of a place is it? Why it's right here, right now, can't you tell?" ************************************************************************ IDIOT BOX Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] TV Announcer Alison, chipper Bart, sullen Carl, upbeat, hearty Debbie, nervous, angry underneath Ms. Sheldon, executive producer Tanya, in the sound booth Family - mom, dad, teenage son Bar - Fred, Bob, Helen Dorm - June, Kathy OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's right here, right now, can't you tell?  MUSIC SOUND     THEME MUSIC ANNOUNCER    last week, in the record-breaking debut of The Box, we were introduced to our four contestants: ALISON    [chipper] I'm Alison, from Santa Monica.  Hi, mom! CARL    [hearty] Carl, from Atlanta - home of the Cartoon Channel!!  DEBBIE    [nervous] Debbie, from Salem.  Uh, Oregon.  [quickly] Salem Oregon. BART    [sullen] Bart, Minneapolis [disgusted sigh]. ANNOUNCER    The rules are on the screen now for all you viewers out there, to cover the formalities.  They are also available on our website at [spelled out superfast] w-w-w-dot-s-k-i-n-n-e-r-i-d-i-o-t-b-o-x-dot-com.  AMB    FAMILY LIVING ROOM SOUND    CHIPS EATEN FROM BAG ANNOUNCER    [TV] And after this brief message, we'll show you the results of last week's voting. SOUND    CLICK OF REMOTE SOUND    POPCORN POPPING IN MICROWAVE MOM    [off] You better not have turned that off, hun! SOUND    MICROWAVE DINGS DAD    Just muted.  Sick of all these ads for freaking erectile dysfunction.  If anything's going to give a guy man-trouble, it's having to watch all those damn ads. SOUND    POURING POPCORN INTO BOWL SON    Ew, dad.  T-M-I. MOM    [coming in, munching popcorn] The one I hate is that smiling guy.  His wife just looks so scared all the time.  Almost as creepy as the King. SON    Am I adopted?  Please say yes. DAD    Ooops, back on! ANNOUNCER    [TV]  Did everyone vote? MOM    I certainly did! SON    Mom?  [disgusted noise] Why? ANNOUNCER    [TV] The voting is closed, the tabulations have been made, and the scores are coming up on the screen now. MOM    [over the announcer] Why not?  I want that nice young girl - the blonde - to win.  She's very wholesome. ANNOUNCER    [TV] And it looks like today Alison has been selected!  MOM    [satisfied] There! ANNOUNCER    We have Alison in the studio now - let's see how she takes it. SOUND     LIGHT MUSIC, ON THE TV SEGUES INTO REALITY ANNOUNCER    Hello Alison!  Say hi to everyone!  ALISON    Hi!  Hi mom!  Dad! ANNOUNCER    How's the first week been treating you? ALISON    This place is great! ANNOUNCER    Throughout the show, we'll be showing some of the fun you four have been having.  Now, why don't you tell me what you think of your new friends? ALISON    Oh, wow - everyone's really great.  ANNOUNCER    Don't you find Bart a bit... isolated? ALISON    He's just self-contained.  I'm sure he's a good guy, he just doesn't open up real easily. ANNOUNCER    And Debbie? ALISON    She's shy - a lot like my sister.  Hi Vickie!! ANNOUNCER    [chuckles] That's great. ALISON    And Carl - well, he's a blast.  He's always thinking up great stuff to do. ANNOUNCER    Yesterday you had sole access to the Dairy Dan Amusement park. ALISON    Oh, man - that was awesome!  They closed the gates and we got to ride all the rides all day long - no lines, no crowds!  Woo! ANNOUNCER    You've been chosen. ALISON    Woo!  [stumbles] I - What?  What? SOUND    CONTROL BOOTH ANNOUNCER    [TV]  Please step into the box. ALISON    [TV - gasp, then steels herself]  Right.  [somewhat bitter] Thanks America. SHELDON That's the shot - tight in on 2, now 3 - yes! Keep her face centered until she shuts the door. TANYA    Got it. SHELDON Okay, keep the volume low on that. It's early yet - don't want to wear out the viewers... SOUND    [TV] ELECTRIC SHOCK NOISE, SOMEWHAT BRIEF ALISON    [TV - short scream] ANNOUNCER    [TV] We'll be right back after the break to find out what today's challenge will be. AMB    DORM ROOM JUNE    Omigod!  Omigod!  Did you see that? KATHY    [distracted] Hmm?  No but I sure heard it - did they just do what I think they did? JUNE    They just shocked the crap out of the blonde chick! KATHY    Was there actually crap? JUNE    [duh] She was in the box.  Shh.  It's coming back on. SOUND    TV TURNS UP ANNOUNCER    [TV] We'll be right back with more of The Box after these messages. SOUND    SOUND DOWN AGAIN JUNE    I hate when they do that. KATHY    Shock someone? JUNE    No, have the logo come up and make you think the show is back on. KATHY    Yeah, that's much worse. JUNE    You know what I mean!  It was totally mean that they shocked her - she's the one who got the most votes! KATHY    Isn't that what everyone was voting for? JUNE    No!  At least, I don't think so - I mean, I thought it was voting for who would win something cool.  I ...voted for her. KATHY    You actually voted? JUNE    On the website, yeah. KATHY    Of course there's a website.  Maybe you should read the fine print. JUNE    Oh, oh!  It's back on!  Jeez, look at her poor hair! SOUND    TV UP ANNOUNCER    [TV] Back to the interview room, to hear from Alison. ANNOUNCER    [real] Before we go on, I need to point out, this is the only time you can choose to leave the show.  Are you prepared to stay? ALISON    [gulps, then quiet]  Yes.  [clears her throat, louder]  Yes.  [very shaky] That wasn't so bad. ANNOUNCER    Excellent.  Now I believe you recently graduated from college, Alison.  What did you get your degree in? AMB    BAR ALISON    [TV]  I'm a liberal arts major, with a minor in art history. FRED    So she's unemployed, eh? ANNOUNCER    [TV]  And you are engaged to be married? BOB    Too bad.  All the cute ones are taken.  Even with that weird hairdo. SOUND    TV SWITCHED TO SPORTS FRED    Hey, we were watching that! HELEN    Why?  It's awful, letting them mess with people on TV like that! FRED    [scornful] It's not real.  BOB    Course it is - it even has a website! HELEN    Puh-leez.  Lots of things have websites that aren't real. BOB    Name one. HELEN    Pamela Anderson's boobs. FRED    She got you there, pal. BOB    C'mon - just switch it back long enough to see what today's challenge is?  Please? HELEN    Ya big softie, you. SOUND    TV CHANGES BACK ANNOUNCER    [TV] Carl, you got the second most votes this week - Do you have anything to say to the viewers at home?  Obviously you're doing something right, to get so many votes. CARL    [TV]  I think it's just my sunny personality, Bob.  People like winners, and I am a winner. AMB    LIVING ROOM SON    Weiner. MOM    Language! SON    [dismissive noise] Doesn't that dipstick know that most votes gets zapped? DAD    Maybe he doesn't - they might not tell THEM everything, either.  Makes sense.  Why else would they be so excited? SON    But that sucks!  That sucks big time!  Here they are, trying to be all cool and get people to vote for them, and they're like masterminding their own torture or something. DAD    It's just a game,  No one really gets hurt. MOM    Well, I was kind of upset that Alicia-- SON    Alison. MOM    Yes, that she got shocked.  I didn't know that voting for her would do that.  I kind of feel bad now. SON    Well, don't vote for her next time. MOM    I certainly won't! ANNOUNCER    [on TV] Well, we've spoken to two of our four contestants, and the voting is open for the halftime winner.  Go on line now or text to-- SOUND    TV MUTES, AMB/DORM SOUND    COMPUTER KEYS KATHY    What are you doing? JUNE    Voting. KATHY    Vicious much? JUNE    No! I - I just don't want her to have to get shocked again.  Damn!  It only lets me choose one of those two - not the other guy. KATHY    So you want to see him get shocked? JUNE    Well, no, but I like him the least. KATHY    Just cause you don't think he's cute. SOUND    ONE LAST KEY JUNE    Um, there. KATHY    So who'd you vote for? JUNE    The guy - the nice one - of course.  I like him, too, but I don't want her to get shocked again. SOUND    TV UP AGAIN ANNOUNCER    [TV] Regular text messaging fees apply.  And now‑‑ SOUND    OMINOUS MUSIC ROLLS IN ANNOUNCER    [TV, ominous] The moment in the spotlight.  Will it be Alison or Carl?  The voting closes in three minutes, so hurry up and make your vote count - if the lines are overloaded, make sure and try back - but be quick.   [normal] While we wait, let's watch some clips from the preliminary interviews with the other two contestants. MUSIC ANNOUNCER    [TV] And what are you studying? DEBBIE    [TV] I'm - um - a poli sci major. FRED    So she's gonna end up unemployed too. BOB    Whatever happened to good old trade schools? FRED    They're still around - just the trades aren't.  You seen any cobblers in the U.S. of A recently?  Nope.  It's all farmed out to Pakistan and Koala Lumper. HELEN    Lumpur. FRED    Sez you. HELEN    I can turn it off, you know. BOB    Yeah - see now Helen here's got a job that can't be farmed out - long as there's guys like us, there's always gonna be bars, eh? FRED    Until they invent a mixology robot. BOB    Hey, the lights are flashing on the screen, must be something important. SOUND    TV TURNED UP. SOUND    OMINOUS MUSIC INTENSIFIES ANNOUNCER    [TV; evil "suspense" pacing]  And the one who got the most halftime votes.  Will it be Alison, our stoic liberal arts major? JUNE    Yes, yes - come on come on!!! ANNOUNCER    [TV] Or Carl, who tutors children with learning disabilities. MOM    Oh, that's awful! SON    Awful? That he works with retarded kids? MOM    [almost a whisper] That I voted for him. ANNOUNCER    [TV] And the one who got the most votes in the 8-minute half-time poll was-- SOUND    HEAVY DRUMBEAT ANNOUNCER    [TV] Was-- SOUND    HEAVY DRUMBEAT KATHY    Look at how much she's sweating! JUNE    You'd sweat too if you just got shocked! ANNOUNCER    [TV] is -Carl! JUNE    Whew! KATHY    Shh.  Let's see what happens. ANNOUNCER    [TV] This means that at the end of tonight's show, Carl will be up against the second half winner in a showdown to see who gets a million dollars sent to the charity of their choice. HELEN    Waitaminute - she gets shocked and he gets a chance to win big bucks?  That's so not fair! FRED    That's the way it is.  Women always getting the short stick. HELEN    Especially when they're dating you, eh? BOB    [laughs, tried to stop] FRED    Yeah, yeah - you can joke now, but I'll give you 70-30 odds that the other winner is that other guy. BOB    The grouch? FRED    Yup.  Is it a bet? BOB    Fifty bucks? FRED    Whoah, whoah!  Let's not get carried away here, now. MUSIC - OPENING THEME, PLAYS FOR A MOMENT ANNOUNCER    Entering week five of The Box, you can see the ratings posted for our four contenders.  [hushed] Last week, it looked as though Debbie had finally broken-- DEBBIE    [TV] I hate it!  I hate you all! You can all just go and-- SOUND    LONG SERIES OF BLEEPED WORDS SOUND    ZAPPING AND SCREAMING UNDER NEXT LINE ANNOUNCER    But after her trip to the box, she refused to cry off. DEBBIE    [TV] [breathing heavily and gulping] No [gasp] way! [gasp]  You don't [gasp] get rid of me [long shaky breath] that easily. [sob] ANNOUNCER    And now, a new week - and what was this week's challenge? STUDIO AUDIENCE Fasting! ANNOUNCER    Yes, fasting.  Whoever could go the longest without eating even a single bite of food got a free pass this week‑‑ ANNOUNCER    [TV] --and we'll find out who managed that in just a moment - after a few words from our sponsors. SOUND    CLICK, SOUND OFF JUNE    [urging] C'mon Debbie! KATHY    Debbie?  Hah.  She's got no body fat to start with.  Bart has a much better chance of surviving-- JUNE    Don't say that!  You just like him cause you know I don't! KATHY    I root for the underdog.  It's a principal. And no one likes that poor bastard. JUNE    If no one likes him, how come Debbie's the one always getting shocked, huh?  [almost a sob] Huh? ANNOUNCER    [TV]  Let's bring our four contestants out on stage to hear who's going to be free and clear for another week.  Alison-- SOUND    MUSIC UP, DOOR OPENS, SHAKY FOOTSTEPS ANNOUNCER    [real] Alison, how are you feeling? ALISON    [trying to be perky] Not too bad.  I made it almost three whole days on nothing but water.  ANNOUNCER    But then you lost it? ALISON    [heavy sigh] Yeah, I had to give in and get something.  [resigned] I figured fine - just put me in the box.  At least that eventually ends.  ANNOUNCER    Thank you, Alison.  Now go over to the isolation booth while we talk with each of your friends. ALISON    [venomous] Friends?  Hah! ANNOUNCER    [TV, confidential] She needs to learn to be careful about trading today's pain for tomorrow's - what she doesn't know is we've [ramping up] turned the voltage up another notch! AUDIENCE    [TV, CHEERS] HELEN    This just keeps getting worse.  It has to be against the law. BOB    Oh, come on.  They signed waivers, didn't they?  Plus, it's all fake - like wrestling.  Seriously.  Even if they did do this stuff, they have to have doctors and all on staff - make sure no one really gets hurt. SOUND    UNWRAPPING AND OPENING A FORTUNE COOKIE FRED    Hey, listen to this - "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." BOB    Figures the Chinese would think of that first. FRED    Nah.  The Chinese didn't make that up. HELEN    Then who did say it? FRED    [immediate] Thomas Jefferson. BOB    I don't think so. FRED    Yeah?  And who do you think it was? BOB    Some Greek philosopher or other.  [idea] Julius Caesar! HELEN    You guys make your bet, I'll call Jonesy on the next commercial and he can google it. SOUND    TV TURNS UP ANNOUNCER    [TV]  So Bart, you made it the longest without eating - you have any special tips for the viewers out there on how you did it? BART    [real] Huh? ANNOUNCER    Any tips?  We'll give you a minute - these moments of uncertainty are just further proof that our show is live and unedited.  While Bart ponders this, I'll recap - Alison gave into her craven need for food first, followed by Carl and Debbie - in a virtual photo finish, where Debbie held out for one millisecond longer than Carl.  Good going Debbie! BART    I hate you. ANNOUNCER    Hmm?  What's that? BART    I hate you and all you stand for.  ANNOUNCER    Do I hear an opt-out coming?  For those of you just tuning in, during this episode and this episode alone, any of our four contestants can opt out at any time - not just immediately following a trip into the Box.  So Bart, are you-- SOUND    A BEEP TRIES TO CUT HIM OFF ON THE FIRST WORD BART    Fuck you!  You can't get rid of me that easily.  BART    [TV] I don't care how many times you drug me and try to get me to bow down to the corporate machine!  You and all you people at home - you are sadistic bastards, but I'm here for the long haul - And when I finish, whether I win or not, I will be traveling around the country demanding the pound of flesh each and every one of you bastards owe me!!! KATHY    For god's sake, turn it off. JUNE    No, he's making a valid point.  We shouldn't be party to this. KATHY    The very act of watching it validates it. JUNE    No.  I'm only doing this to bear witness. KATHY    The advertisers don't care.  They just want to you to watch. JUNE    Well, I won't vote any more. KATHY    Then you can't complain when your favorite gets zapped. JUNE    [upset] Oh hell! ANNOUNCER    [TV]  Well, that was very enlightening.  Before you out there start emailing and phoning - please refer to clause 42 slash 8 slash F, subsection I-I-I, paragraph y, where it sets out the game's rules covering mental illness or defect.  Thank you, and good night! SOUND    TV TURNED OFF HELEN    Anyone checked out the big pools? FRED    What do you mean? HELEN    There's huge bets all over the place - everyone guessing who's gonna last the longest. BOB    Well, no one's washed out yet. FRED    They're a tough bunch of kids, but I bet I could make it on that show.  Age does bring wisdom. BOB    To who? FRED    You're too young to remember this, but I was a P-O-W in nam [rhymes with "ham"].  I been through it all.  Torture, deprivation, brain washing. HELEN    They sure got yours squeaky clean. SOUND    DRINKS WHOLE BEER DOWN. BOB    Ahhh. MUSIC    ANNOUNCER    This week, week 9 of The Box, we might just lose a second contestant.  ANNOUNCER     [TV] Alison, you've spent three days in this jacuzzi - brought to us courtesy of Big Joe's cut-rate pools and spas.  Now, people might think this was fun, but of course, you can't fall asleep or you might drown!  ALISON    [TV, parched, delirious]  You suck, Bob. FRED    Friend of yours? BOB    You wish. ALISON     [TV]  Get me out. ANNOUNCER    [TV] You do know that whomever leaves their jacuzzi first goes directly into the box? ALISON     [TV] No!  I want out!  OUT!  I can't - you can't make me stay here! JUNE    They can't, can they? KATHY     How much you wanna bet she signed something that says they can? JUNE    That's illegal! KATHY    Being stupid and greedy?  Nah.  They'd run out of prisons.  Unless you subscribe to the idea that our whole world is a prison. JUNE    [very upset] Don't talk like that - look at that poor girl!  They're just dragging her across the stage! KATHY    Wow.  I wouldn't'a thought it would take three guys to handle her, after all the crap she's been through. ALISON    [TV - screaming weakly and struggling] ANNOUNCER    [TV] It is understood, under the rules, that the clemency episode has run out and, once again, the only time you can opt out is right after a session in the box-- SON    If she's all wet, wouldn't that make the shock worse? DAD    At least her hair doesn't end up all weird since they shaved her head after that challenge last week-- SON    Three weeks ago. DAD    Really?  Anyway, they probably compensate somehow. MOM    Are you sure? DAD    [unsure] Well... They can't really hurt her - that would be... ANNOUNCER    [TV]     Oh, and - I've just got a word from the producer!  We've got a three minute vote - so grab your phones!  ANNOUNCER    [real] Now this will cost one dollar per vote, so make yours count!  Dial the studio number and hit 1 if you want us to let Allison forfeit and leave now, push 2 if you think we should hold her to the rules.  And voting opens [beat, then TV] Now! SHELDON Start the positive counter. TANYA    On it.  Running. NARRATOR     [TV] The positive votes will tally right here on the corner of the screen, and if, after the vote closes, there are more positive than negative votes, Alison will  immediately leave the studio - damper but wiser... BOB    Man, I wish I was in Vegas. FRED    Nah - you know what's going to happen.  The odd's'll be crap. HELEN    Course.  They'll let her go. FRED    You gotta lotta faith in people, babe.  Nah.  I'll give you 10 to 1 she's gonna ride the lightning. BOB     [incredulous] "Ride the lightning?" FRED    You know - old sparky. The electric chair?  Man where have you been? BOB    Considering no one's been executed in an electric chair in this state for - um - help me out Helen-- HELEN    50 years. BOB    50 years. FRED    Really? HELEN    How the hell'm I supposed to know? BOB    Well, whatever - a long time.  HELEN    Actually, I think this state always hanged people. FRED    Hung. BOB    The countdown! 5 - 4 - JUNE    3-2- MOM    [almost breathless] One. ANNOUNCER    [TV]  All votes are in, and as you can see, we had a regular landslide of support for our dear friend Allison here.  we have 4 million six hundred seventy two thousand, three hundred and forty-two votes for clemency.  Good for you everyone!  We'll show the other side, right after this-- SOUND    TV OFF DAD    No way! MOM    You can't    ! SON    I won't watch any more of this.  This is brutal. MOM    [angry] Don't you dare!  How can we not ... find out? SON    No. MOM    Just until they announce it - we don't have to watch ...if she... SON    Gets it? SOUND    REMOTE THROWN ONTO TABLE SON    You do what you want.  I'll be in the garage. SOUND    [after a moment] TV CLICKS ON COMMERCIAL    [something] KATHY    I bet the commercials for this cost top dollar.  Like superbowl ads. JUNE    How can you just be so snarky - that girl could die! KATHY    Nah.  They can't do that.  It would be illegal. JUNE    Not normally, but remember when that guy had a stroke on "Danger Island" last year?  The family sued, but the waiver made it perfectly legit.  KATHY    And that wasn't even that exciting. ANNOUNCER    [on TV]  For those just tuning in, we have perky little Allison in the Box, awaiting your verdict.  [continues under] Does she take the next shock, or have you tipped toward clemency for this poor girl? SHELDON Give them the split picture. TANYA    Before and after? SHELDON Uh-huh. [grim] Show them what they did. ANNOUNCER    [on TV] The negative votes have been tallied.  SOUND    DRUM ROLL, OMINOUS MUSIC ANNOUNCER    [ON TV] And we had 4 million six hundred seventy two thousand, three hundred and forty-two votes to let her go.  BOB    I'm still saying they'll let her off.  FRED    Nope.  You already lost that twenty, pal. HELEN    Shh! ANNOUNCER    [TV] The negative count is seven million three hundred-- SOUND    TV OFF KATHY    Did you vote? JUNE    Yes.  [beat]  Twenty times. KATHY    [shrug] You can't beat the bastards. JUNE    But if everyone just voted a few more times... KATHY    Three million more times. JUNE    How can people be so horrible? SOUND    [NEXT DOOR TV] SCREAMING PEOPLE    [laughing] SOUND    POUNDING ON WALL JUNE    [yelling at them] How can you be so horrible?? KATHY    They're drunk.  Didn't you see the sign? JUNE    [half a sob] Sign? KATHY    The one that said "come to gary's room, get drunk and watch The Box"? JUNE    [down] No. KATHY    Look, turn it on.  You'll see she's not dead or anything, then you'll feel better. JUNE    But what if she's not?  I mean, what if she is?  I mean-- KATHY    [sigh] Then you'll know. SOUND    [beat, then] TV TURNS ON SOUND    [on TV] AMBULANCE SIRENS JUNE    [sob] MOM    [sob] Her poor parents! DAD    Don't worry so much - she's not dead. MOM    She was for 43 seconds. DAD    That doesn't even count these days - happens all the time on House. MOM    [very upset] But this is real! SOUND    [on tv] MUSIC UP ANNOUNCER    [tv]  And we'll be checking in with Allison as soon as she regains consciousness to confirm her wish to opt out.  For now, the game comes down to Bart and Carl.  ANNOUNCER    Don't forget - no matter what happens, the game's big final episode is in two weeks.  SOUND    CAMERA OFF SHELDON Nicely done. ANNOUNCER    It's really wearing me thin. SHELDON Almost over. And after today's vote, there's no way the station can afford to cancel us. ANNOUNCER    [sigh, then grudging] Two more shows.  SHELDON [with meaning] And then we announce the results. MUSIC - OPENING THEME, PLAYS FOR A MOMENT AMB     NOISY BAR BOB    [ordering] Another one. FRED    Packed tonight. SOUND    DRINK SET DOWN HELEN    It's the finale. FRED    [tired] Oh, yeah.  That. BOB    Bottom's up! HELEN    Slow down, or I'm gonna have to pour you into a cab. SOUND    CAR KEYS SLAPPED ONTO THE BAR, SCOOPED UP SOUND    GLASS SET DOWN HARD BOB    Ahhh. CROWD    ROAR OF EXCITEMENT HELEN    Hold on!  I'll get it. SOUND    TV SOUND UP MUSIC    FANFARE ANNOUNCER    It's the night we've all been waiting for.  The night the final results are announced.  And we will have an ultimate winner.  Let's recap what the winner will walk away with.  SOUND    VOLUME DOWN SOUND    DOOR OPENS KATHY    Oh, you're not watching that, are you?  [sneer] I thought you decided it wasn't worth it! JUNE    [shell shocked] I can't not watch!  I have to know! KATHY    Look, let's go to the library or something. JUNE    No!  I would die of suspense! KATHY    It's not-- SOUND    TV VOLUME COMES UP KATHY    [sigh] I'm not staying. SOUND    DOOR CLOSES ANNOUNCER    And the contest comes down to our two finalists, Bart and Carl.  They have endured amazing hardship to make it this far.  Do you have anything you want to say to the people at home, Bart? BART    You still suck and you always will.  Every single one of you!  Every person who just sits by and supports this shit! ANNOUNCER    [still jovial]  And yet, you have continued to play our sick little games - as you call them - despite being offered chance after chance to leave. BART    Hah!  I don't plan to fucking let you win, you scumbags! ANNOUNCER    Well said.  And you, Carl, do you have anything for the audience? CARL    [mumbles] ANNOUNCER    Speak up? CARL    [vague, reciting] We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.  Sitting by lone sea-- lone sea....  the sea.  The sea.  See see oh playmate, come out and play with me.... [fades out] ANNOUNCER    There you have it, folks.  And now we go to our man in the street interviewer, Tanya.  Take it away! TANYA    Thank you.  I'm in a major metropolitan center here, asking people on the street what they think of the Box. ANNOUNCER    If they're outside right now, instead of glued to their sets, they must not think much of it. BOTH    [fake laugh] SOUND    TV OFF SOUND    EATING MOM    What?  Don't you dare! DAD    Hey, we were watching that! SON    Are you enjoying this? MOM    Enjoying? DAD    What do you mean? SON    All this shit they've put those people through!  You can barely tell them apart now, after they've been starved and had their heads shaved.  They look like concentration camp victims! MOM    But - but this is the last show! DAD    What does it matter if we watch or don't watch? SOUND    THROWING DOWN A REMOTE SON    Do what you want.  I'll just hope for a six-car pileup.  Maybe you'll trade up. SOUND    DOOR OPENS AND SHUT SOUND    REMOTE TAKEN, TV ON ANNOUNCER    And for tonight, the big surprise is-- SOUND    DRUM ROLL, OMINOUS MUSIC ANNOUNCER    Two boxes! SOUND    CANNED CHEERING ANNOUNCER    One for each of you.  While we get them all set, here's a word from our sponsor! AMB    BAR CROWD    Buzzing "two boxes?" BOB    [slurry] Whaddaya think they've got up their shleeves? FRED    They're gonna kill one of those boys. HELEN    [confidential] I heard that girl Allison is in a private clinic, barely alive. FRED    Where'd you--? HELEN    Internet.  BOB    [sarcastic]  Yeah.  Then it's probably true. SOMEONE    Turn it up! HELEN    Got it! SOUND    TV UP ANNOUNCER    And now.  The moment of truth!  All the votes have been tallied.  As you can see, we have Bart over here in the red box-- SOUND    CANNED APPLAUSE ANNOUNCER    [tv] --and Carl over there in the blue. SHELDON close up on Bart, camera 2. Yeah, baby, clench that jaw.  Now cut to that trickle of sweat on Carl's face.  Nice. TANYA    Back to the announcer? SHELDON One more second, and - yes! ANNOUNCER    [tv] And now, with the votes tallied, we will find out who you out there have selected as the big winner, and who has to take the big penalty.  ANNOUNCER    [real] But first, we caught each of our contestants here on secret camera last night.  Let's see what they were doing on the penultimate night. SOUND    QUICK JAB OF STATIC VOICE    [tv] ...need to get out now.  You don't understand what they have planned for tomorrow.  It's so much worse! AMB    BAR BOB    Who the hell izzat? BART    [TV] [scoff] Worse?  Worse how? HELEN    Don't know.  FRED    Look at that announcer fellow - he's surprised too.  HELEN    [half a chuckle]  Serves him right. ANNOUNCER    [tv] Sorry - we should have screened that clip before playing it.  Let's go over to Carl's shot. CARL    [tv] Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall--[cuts out suddenly] ANNOUNCER    [tv] And that's all the time we have for that.  And now the moment of truth.  Carl or Bart?  You held their fate in your hands. SOUND    COMMERCIAL COMES ON UNDER MOM    [coming in]  Where's Kyle?  Have you seen Kyle? DAD    [mesmerized]  He'll be back.  Just ... went out to a friend's house.  Probably. MOM    You should turn that off and find him! DAD    We can look in ten minutes just as easily as we can look now! MOM    This is our son! DAD    It's almost over! SOUND    OMINOUS MUSIC ON TV ANNOUNCER    [tv] And now.  The final countdown. MOM    Five minutes. SOUND    SHE SITS ANNOUNCER     [tv]  This has been quite a journey for everyone - and we would like to thank you all for your support and participation. BOB    Support?  I'd shoot that stupid bastard if I had a chance.  And a gun. HELEN    You're not the only one, but a lot of people paid a lot of money into that damn show. ANNOUNCER    [tv] --making us the highest rated network series ever-- FRED    yeah, and even WE count for ratings, since we happen to be watching it. BOB    [steaming into an alcoholic rage] Then let's not watch it! SOUND    SLAMS GLASS ON BAR, LIQUID SLOSHES FRED    Calm down, pal. BOB    No! Is this what our world has come to?  This crap?? SOUND    THROWS BEER GLASS AT TV, TV DIES, BUT OTHER SET PLAYS ON IN THE BACKGROUND CROWD    [Shocked silence] FRED    Great, one down, only seven hundred million TV sets to go. HELEN    I'll put it on your tab. CROWD     [chatter begins again] ANNOUNCER    [tv] --will definitely be returning for a second season, starting next fall-- SOUND    DOOR OPENS ANNOUNCER    [tv] --and we're looking at celebrity contestants.  TANYA    [tv]  That will be a whole new ballgame. KATHY    Sorry, didn't know it was still on. JUNE    [distraught] Stay.  Please. KATHY    Ugh.  Why? JUNE    Because I don't think I'll make it otherwise. KATHY    Make what? ANNOUNCER    [tv] And now for the final outcome.  MOM    Yes? DAD    About time. ANNOUNCER    [tv]  the final results. FRED    Don't call the police.  I'll get him home. HELEN    Yeah.  This time. ANNOUNCER    [tv] What we've all been working toward. JUNE    [crying] Can't they just say it? TV, MUSIC SWELLS, THEN CUTS OUT SUDDENLY JUNE    What? HELEN    Shit, must have blown the circuit. DAD    The electricity's still on! KATHY    Is there something wrong with your TV? MOM    No!  It's practically new! FRED    Come on.  Quitting time, pal. SOUND    TEST PATTERN NOISE, THEN MUSIC SUDDENLY CUTS BACK IN ANNOUNCER    Thank you all for participating in our experiment.  MOM    [gasp] ANNOUNCER    As you can see, all of our actors are in perfect health. JUNE    [sob]  How could they--? KATHY    Bastards. ANNOUNCER    We would love to hear your reactions to this show.  Please feel free to leave us a message at www-dot- SOUND    TV SWITCHES OFF HELEN     [last call voice] Allright.  That's it. CLOSER   [NOTE:  George Santayana, author of the quote.]

This episode is done Drunk Shakespeare-style with your crazy hosts sipping whiskey throughout. We hope you giggle in places and still find the content useful. We tried to edit out some of the long pointless rambles, but ya know... By the way, theme song for Mac's last day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day. Whaddaya think?

This episode is of a new podcast, “Whaddaya know Joe.”  This podcast, made by Deacon Emily Myallis, gives kids space to share their thoughts and learn about the story of Joseph. While this podcast idea is in the pilot phase, it will be produced from Pastor Rob’s Ponder Anew Podcast.

Pastor Rob introduces a new podcast, produced by his colleague and wife Deacon Emily Myallis.  Deacon Emily serves as the children’s minister at St. Paul Lititz.  She is piloting a podcast this season in which she discusses the bible story with children.

Skipping palace intrigues but taking every detour known to Pro Wrestling, Marty and Sarah cover all sorts of topics from Clash at the Castle to new WWE Leadership to AEW and All Out. Whaddaya want US to do about it? Talk more? Join us for a fun blast of pro wrestling just in time for Labor Day weekend in the US and BIG CHANT SATURDAY in the UK.  We send our love to Drugz Delaney for getting through a big struggle and we also fantasy book the future and enjoy a Memphis Past. Email us your ideas, wrestling moments, confessions and more! martyandsarahlovewrestling@gmail.com Let's Podcast!

A town with a strange secret, ripe for the picking by three petty criminals.  Sounds a bit too easy, doesn't it?     Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Claude - Shawn Connor Lenny - Cole Hornaday Charlie - Risa Torres Host - Bob Noble Bank Teller - Beverly Poole Little Girl - Krystal Baker Waitress - Angela Kirby Music by  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a cheap fleabag motel, can't you tell?" ******************************************** AN HOUR TO KILL Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Claude, a thug Lenny, a dumber thug Charlie, Claude's greedy wife Host Bank Teller Little Girl Waitress OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a fleabag motel in the early 50s, can't you tell?  MUSIC SOUND     DRIPPING OF BAD SINK, DISTANT RADIO TALKING LENNY    [hushed, excited] I tell you, Claude, it's a done deal!  It was Artie told me, and-- CLAUDE    [resigned] And Artie's never wrong.  Yeah, I know.  [up]  Whatchoo think, Charlie? CHARLIE    Zip it.  I'm listening. CLAUDE    To what? CHARLIE    Whoever's next door has a radio, [barbed] unlike some, and they got the stories on.  If youse two mugs can keep yer traps shut, I can just barely make out what happens to be transpiring. LENNY    [quiet]  It's just over the hill, Claude.  Hop skip and a jump. CLAUDE    [quiet]  Good thing, too, Lenny.  That car we nabbed ain't good for much but skipping. LENNY    [quiet]  And jumping. CLAUDE    [chuckles halfhaertedly]  So Artie said this town was ripe for the picking?  LENNY    Yeah, he said it was real weird, but-- CHARLIE    [upset] No!  What is wrong with this world? CLAUDE    [flat, uninterested] I don't know, what's wrong with it? CHARLIE    Them on the other side, they turned it off!!  And just when Cynthia was about to reveal the name of the guy who ran off and left her with two kids, then changed hs name and married someone else. LENNY    What a bum! CLAUDE    [undertone] Don't encourage her.  [up] Can we talk normal now? CHARLIE    Makes no nevermind now. CLAUDE    Apparently Artie told Lenny something in stir last week. LENNY    And Artie's never wrong! CHARLIE    [hard sarcasm] If he ain't never wrong, why's he in the joint? CLAUDE    [snorts] LENNY    That ain't the point.  He found the perfect score. CHARLIE    And he told you about it? CLAUDE    Yeah, that does seem a little cuckoo.  Artie never did like you much. LENNY    But he still likes Cherlie there just fine.  I think he told me cuz he knows I'd tell you, and that would help her get some of the nice things she deserves. CHARLIE    [cutesy]  Really?  That big a score, then?  Artie might have something going for him after all.  Maybe I shoulda married him. CLAUDE    You said you didn't like monkeys. CHARLIE    I was joking.  Just cuz he's kinda short and shriveled and stuff don't mean he might not make a good husband.  Ugly guys don't run off so often. LENNY    Nobody wants 'em. CHARLIE    You would know. CLAUDE    [long suffering sigh] Let's get back to the job? LENNY    It's this town, see?  He says the whole town is like loopy, cuz one day a year, for an hour in the middle of the day, the entire town [slow, with import] just falls asleep. CLAUDE    [snort]  You're loopy.  Artie's throwing you a knuckle ball, knucklehead. LENNY    No, he was serious - I could see it in his face. CLAUDE    The whole town?  LENNY    Yeah! CLAUDE    And how does Artie know this? LENNY    He says he was there.  Couple years back, said he was hiding out and saw it happen, so he went back again the next year to see, and it happened again. CLAUDE    Why ain't he in there robbing the place? LENNY    Says he meant to, this year, but he's gonna be sporting stripes for a nickle. [5 years] CLAUDE    It makes no damn sense!  Why would everybody fall asleep? CHARLIE    Maybe it's something in the water.  Or get this-- [ramping up]  Maybe it's a curse or something, like in that episode of One Step Too Far!! CLAUDE    You've gone one step too far if you're gonna believe Artie and this idiot.  [to Lenny] Nuttin' personal, Lenny. LENNY    Gotcha. CHARLIE    What can it hurt?  If it's so darn close, why don't we drive over there and see?  We can be ready, and if this "see-ester" [siesta] thing happens, then we take advantage.  If not... what's it gonna hurt? CLAUDE    What day's it supposed to be, Len? LENNY    Tomorrow.  Or I should say the longest day of the year, since that's what it is - tomorrow is, I mean, but Charlie, you can't come! CHARLIE    And why pray tell not, ya big goon? LENNY    Artie only told me on account of I promised I'd see to it that you don't go.  I think he wants you to come and visit him instead. CLAUDE    That's crazy talk.  But you shouldn't come, babe.  You'll just get in the way. CHARLIE    [incensed] I'll just WHAT?  CLAUDE    I mean-- there might be guns.  I wouldn't want you getting shot or nothing. CHARLIE    They gotta be pretty talented in this town to shoot ...in their sleep!  Besides, you need someone along who can actually tell time, if all you got is just one hour!  [fades out]  And if this is supposed to be tomorrow, since I have it on good authority - meaning the morning news - that tomorrow is the longest day of the year - then we had better get our sweet little selves ready to move! LENNY    [over her diatribe]  But I promised Artie-- CLAUDE    [over, too - miserable, to Lenny] Just drop it.  Trust me.  Once she starts with this, she can't even hear no more. CHARLIE    You hear me? LENNY    [really quiet] Maybe you shoulda let Artie have her. MUSIC AMB    IN CAR CLAUDE    Whadda we do if it's all a big put-up job? LENNY    It ain't - Artie is-- CHARLIE    Stifle!  If they don't sack out, you mean?  In that case, we're just honest, but weary travellers going on our merry way.  Zat so hard to buy? CLAUDE    We gotta do something.  This flivver's on its last legs. CHARLIE    There's always something. LENNY    You believe in magic, Charlie? CHARLIE    Like Houdini stuff?  Hah!  Back when I was on the stage, the only thing them clip artists could make disappear was my hard earned simoleans. LENNY    But this-- CHARLIE    [loud] BUT!  Dontchoo interupt me there, Lenny.  It ain't polite!  [quieter] Hmph. I was tryin to say I could maybe believe in magic like miracles and genies and stuff.  Just always figured maybe it was all run out in the world, like the electricity in the meter when you're outta slugs.  Ya know? CLAUDE    [amused hmph]  Oh, that's a nice turn of phrase you got right there, Charlie. CHARLIE    [smug] And you thought you only married me for my legs. MUSIC AMB    OUTSIDE, RURAL SOUND    ONE SET OF STEPS ON GRAVEL CLAUDE    [relieved and tired] Finally.  [sighs] SOUND    DOOR OPENS WITH A JINGLE CHARLIE    [already arguing]  I don't care what kind of hokey-pokey yer pullin here!  I want a room and I want it pronto - savvy? CLAUDE    [quiet] Oh, lord.  [up, weary]  What's the noise, sweetcheeks? CHARLIE    This fellow says ain't no rooms to be had, not today tonight or any time soon. CLAUDE    Yer full up?  Out here in the middle of squat all? HOST    [old rustic] The young lady misunderstood me.  I was trying to explain that this is just a bad day to be here in Lafayette.  We got rooms, ayuh, but I wouldn't feel right about just putting you up without warning you folks first. CLAUDE    Warning us?  Where's Lenny? LENNY    [off] I'm pretending I'm somewehre's else. CLAUDE    Some help you are.  You was saying, pops? HOST    [cheerful horror]  It's the day we run the hogs. CHARLIE    That's disgusting!  CLAUDE    Hold on, dearest.  Let's hear the man out.  Hogs, you say? HOST    Ayup.  Local tradition.  Them hogs gets loose all over the town.  [self-satisfied] Raise a lotta havoc.  Tranple anything that moves, pretty much. CLAUDE    It'd be safe in the room, wouldnit? HOST    Well, 'spect it oughtta be, but you have to shut the doors and not move an inch.  Don't want to call no attention to yerselves.  [ominous] Folks round here don' like strangers watching our ways. CLAUDE    [sigh] Well, pops, I dunno if you noticed it, but we rode in in the grease monkey's tow.  Our heap ain't taking another step, and neither are we. HOST    [a little too smug] One room or two? CHARLIE    Just get one.  Lenny can sleep in the bureau drawer for all I care. HOST    [chuckles] CLAUDE    Since it's looking we'll need to get a new car soon, I guess one room's all we can spring for. MUSIC SOUND    DOOR SHUTS, BAG THROWN DOWN CHARLIE    Artie better damn well be right. CLAUDE    [hushed] Charlie!  Keep it quiet. LENNY    [hushed] Even if it works, how we gonna get out of town?  CLAUDE    We get a new car-- LENNY    How? CLAUDE    How'd we get the last one, pea-brain? LENNY    Oh, right.  There must be one or two, even in a boondock like this. CHARLIE    The landlord says we got a couple of hours before we gotta hole up [aping his speech] "just enough time to get around some flapjacks".  Flapjacks, my eye.  They better have a hootch parlor in this flyspeck. CLAUDE    Just enough time to case the place. LENNY    Oughtn't we to bring the heaters, Claude? CLAUDE    Hmm.  Nix on that.  Don't wanna get caught on the street heeled.  CHARLIE    Whaddaya mean?  So what if someone suspects something? CLAUDE    You may hate these chuck towns, Charlie, but their jails ain't nothing to write home about neither.  They make our first digs look like the ritz. CHARLIE    [disgusted] Oh! MUSIC AMB    OUTSIDE.  RURAL [note - they're all talking out the side of the mouth] LENNY    There's the spoon where the clerk said we could get us some-- CHARLIE    Flapjacks?  Puh-lease.  We got more important things-- LENNY    But he got me all hungry, with all his flapjack jabbering. CLAUDE    [under his breath] Flapjabbering.  [up]  Look, we need to split up anyway, cover the ground.  Lenny can pick up the skinny at the diner as well as anywhere else. CHARLIE    Where you wanna ronder-voo [rondezvous] later? CLAUDE    Well... [consdiering] Guess the motel's as good as any place. CHARLIE    In forty-five minutes.  No more, you big moose!   LENNY    No sweat - sides, they ain't gonna give me no forty-five minutes worth of flapjacks.  Not for what I got on me. SOUND    WALKS AWAY CLAUDE    And you? CHARLIE    I say you and I take the-- [softening] I mean, make a visit to the bank. CLAUDE    Who'm I to argue? MUSIC SOUND    DOOR OPENS, DING, A COUPLE STEPS LENNY    Hello? SOUND    FLAP OF DOOR, HEELS WAITRESS    Goodness!  I guess I really wan't expecting to see nobody in here today! LENNY    Guess not.  [pitifiul] Zat mean you're out of food? WAITRESS    Mercy, no!  We been cooking all day!  They'll go through plenty later on, but we can spare a bite or two.  What you want? LENNY    Flapjacks? WAITRESS    [chuckles] You came to the right place.  My momma's recipe has taken blue ribbons at the fair for thirty years.  Set yourself down, and I'll sling you a stack. SOUND    DOOR FLAPS, MUFFLED COOKING NOISES WAITRESS    [off some] You want some Java with that? LENNY    That'd be real nice. SOUND    DOOR FLAPS OPEN, QUICK STEPS WAITRESS    Here's your joe, the jacks will be out lickety split.  LENNY    Hey, uh, the goon at the hotel was saying something about something going on today? WAITRESS    Oh, yes.  It's the strangest thing, but nothing you gotta worry about - you're just passing through, right? LENNY    Oh, no, we're staying at the hotel.  WAITRESS    [a bit upset] Oh.  "We?"  Nevermind.  You should stay inside, then.  It ain't safe being out. LENNY    Oh, yeah, he said-- WAITRESS    I mean, they're just frogs, right?  But they are some vicious slimy little devils. LENNY    [baffled] Frogs? WAITRESS    Course.  Every year they just fall from the sky.  No one knows why.  Oops-- [sniffs] that's your jacks.  Be right back. MUSIC AMB    OUTISDE CLAUDE    [undertone]  Take a peep at the cadillac. CHARLIE    That brown heap? CLAUDE    Dat ain't brown, ya gob, dat's cham-payne colored. CHARLIE    Who you calling a gob, you mug? LITTLE GIRL    [off] Hey lady?  Would you like a kitten? CLAUDE    [[startled] Huh?  Oh, Hello little girl.  [really false hearty] No, thanks.  No kittens for us.  You have a real nice day, there. CHARLIE    [whispered]  Do I look like the kind of chickie who wants some damn animal hanging around?  Apart from you, anyway, darling? CLAUDE    Watch yer language, there's a kid present. CHARLIE    She's probably heard it all. CLAUDE    People got manners out in the country.  Here's the bank.  Stick to the script, babe. CHARLIE    Have I ever done you wrong? SOUND    DOOR OPENS, SLIGHT ECHO CLAUDE    This is nice. CHARLIE    [sweet and fake] Oh, honey, maybe everything will be o-k after all! CLAUDE    We'll see, dearest.  TELLER    Can I help you? CHARLIE    I'll just have a seat while you handle all that financial mam stuff. CLAUDE    [annoyed sigh]  You do that.  [hearty again] Hello.  Sorry about that. TELLER    No problem, sir.  What can I help you with? CLAUDE    We had some car trouble coming into town, and I need to find out if we can arrange to cash a check here. TELLER    Do you have an account with our bank, sir? CLAUDE    No, I'm afraid I don't.  We're with the Merchant Chinatown Association Farm Worker's Union Branch out of Miami. TELLER    That's pretty far away. CLAUDE    Yeah. TELLER    That's going to have to go through my manager.  He won't be back until this afternoon. CLAUDE    Really?  Well, that shouldn't be a problem - we're kinda stuck here. TELLER    [strange] Are you over at the motel? CLAUDE    You bet. TELLER    Ohhh. CLAUDE    What? TELLER    Nothing.  He'll be back in about four hours. CLAUDE    Is he part of this whole thing you got going on today? TELLER    [nervous]  What do you-- whatever do you mean? CLAUDE    The clerk was telling us-- TELLER    [urgent] Just stay inside and you'll be safe! CHARLIE    [coming on] Safe?  From-- TELLER    THEM! CLAUDE    Them?  The runners? TELLER    The ghosts. CLAUDE AND CHARLIE    WHAT? TELLER    I'm not from around here, and I'm scared to death.  I get to lock myself in the vault for the whole thing, or else I wouldn't even'a come to work today! CHARLIE    In the vault, eh? TELLER    Yes! CLAUDE    Wait a dang minute.  Ghosts? TELLER    Yes.  A bunch of soldiers from back in the civil war.  They run through town on this day every year, and destroy everything in their path! CLAUDE    Have you... seen the ghosts? TELLER    Of course not!  I stay shut up tight! CLAUDE    Right.  [heavy thinking sigh, the working to sound chipper again]  Well, maybe we'll see you later then.  When your manager's back. TELLER    Okey-doke.  You stay safe now! MUSIC SOUND    EATING SOUND    [OFF] FEET APPROACH CLAUDE    [outside] wait til we-- CHARLIE    What's that smell? SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN CHARLIE    You! LENNY    I brought you some! CHARLIE    I'm watching my figure, you mope! CLAUDE    More for me.  Pass that. LENNY    Trudy at the diner, she gave me some extra butter too.  She did it up right fine. CHARLIE    Don't eat so much you slow down!  We'll leave you behind. LENNY    [talking around a mouthful]  Oh, come on, they're real good. CLAUDE    [licking his fingers]  They are.  Look, Lenny, there's something real hinky here-- LENNY    You don't need to tell me, Claude!  I heard all about-- CHARLIE    The ghosts? LENNY    The what? CLAUDE    According to the girl at the bank, it ain't pigs, it's ghosts. LENNY    That don't make no sense!  There ain't no such things as ghosts. CHARLIE    But you do believe that there might be a town where everyone falls asleep for an hour. LENNY    Anyway, it ain't ghosts, it's Frogs. CLAUDE    Like frog frogs, or french folks? LENNY    Like ribbit, ribbit.  They rain down, like in the old weird part of the bible. CHARLIE    Yeah, ghosts is lots more nuts than frogs. CLAUDE    Why would everyone have a different story?  CHARLIE    Are you just a moron or what?  They're all covering up!  Anything to scare us who ain't part of it into keeping shut up for the time they all fall asleep, excepting that they forgot to get their damn story straight.  I'd almost'a bought the one about the pigs, but FROGS?  LENNY    And ghosts. CHARLIE    Oh, don't even. CLAUDE    It still feels hinky.  Like we should-- SOUND    TAP ON THE DOOR CLAUDE    Stifle.  [up] Yes? LITTLE GIRL    [off]  I have to tell you something! LENNY    That's some sneaky girl scout. CLAUDE    Shh!  Just keep quiet! SOUND    DOOR OPENS SOUND    MEWING OF KITTENS CLAUDE    Yeah? LITTLE GIRL    I have to tell you this.  You have to listen! CLAUDE    I'm listening, little girl.  Watch out for your kittens, there. LITTLE GIRL    You don't get one. CLAUDE    Just tell me what you wanted to--? LITTLE GIRL    [solemn] In 15 minutes, the monsters come out.  If you leave your rooms, they will eat you.  CLAUDE    [almost laughs, stops himsefl]  Monsters? LITTLE GIRL    Yes.  CLAUDE    What kind of monsters? LITTLE GIRL    [exasperatied] The kind that eat people.   I have to go home now. CLAUDE    Before the monsters get you? LITTLE GIRL    Oh, they won't get me.  They'll be too busy chasing you. SOUND    SHE WALKS AWAY CHARLIE    Little street rat!  Get her back here, I'll show her what for! CLAUDE    No!  Let the kid go. LENNY    Claude?  You think maybe she's right? CLAUDE    It's not like she'd make something up like that.  CHARLIE    Someone told her to tell us. CLAUDE    The same someone who couldn't get their stories straight?  That don't make no sense.  There's something behind all this. CHARLIE    So what now, you want to give this all up and sit on your face like an ostrich or something? CLAUDE    I never said nothing like that.  We should-- we just gotta keep our eyes open is all. MUSIC SOUND    CLOCK CHIMES CLAUDE    Ready?  LENNY    [a little shaky] Yeah. CHARLIE    Hmph.  Yes. CLAUDE    Keep cool.  If this is all some kind of joke, we need to be ready to act like there ain't nothing going on. CHARLIE    Keep your gun handy, Lenny, in case of frogs. SOUND    WALKS AWAY LENNY    [muttered] Same to you.  I would say in case of pigs, but I know how you feel about family. CLAUDE    [almost laughs] CHARLIE    [sharp] What? LENNY    [trying to keep a straight face] Nuttin.  SOUND    DOOR OPENS, PAPER CRACKLES CLAUDE    What's this? CHARLIE    Aah - Must be the bill.  Give it.  We can look it over later. SOUND    PAPER SHOVED INTO PURSE MUSIC AMB    OUTSIDE, BUT MUTED. LENNY    Weird, ain't it?  Everything so quiet. CHARLIE    So everyone's gone to sleep.  Or they're messing with us.  CLAUDE    [shocked] No!  Look at this! LENNY    Oh, gee!  Think we should move her? CHARLIE    What are you--?  Holy knots!  The kid! LENNY    And all the kittens!  Are they ok? CLAUDE    [grunt as he kneels] Well, I ain't gonna hold a mirror up to all them tiny little noses, but they look like they're just sleeping. LENNY    They're so cute - you shoulda took one. CHARLIE    Are you done yet? LENNY    Shouldn't we move her, though?  What if the pigs hurt her? CHARLIE    Leave the stupid kid!  She's the one decided to take a nap in the middle of the street.  We got a bank waiting! LENNY    I'll-- I'll catch up to ya.  I wanna lug the little tyke up onta the porch. CHARLIE    Aargh!!!  [exasperated noise]  Fine!  Pick uppa car while you're at it, potater head! MUSIC SOUND    BIG DOOR CREAKS QUIETLY OPEN SOUND    OUTDOOR NOISES, OFF SLIGHTLY; VOICES HAVE MODERATE ECHO CLAUDE    [whispering] The lights are all on. CHARLIE    Why are you whispering? CLAUDE    I still got that weird feeling about this - like it's all gonna turn out to be a big joke or something.  There's a hook somewehres.  There gotta be. CHARLIE    We'll ditch it when we see it.  For now, let's go to work on that vault. SOUND    [OUTSIDE] WEIRD ANIMAL NOISE CLAUDE    What was that? CHARLIE    [snide] Not a pig, for crying out loud.  If you're so damn worried, shall we promenayde to the vault? CLAUDE    It was really - strange.  I ain't never heard no animal like it before. CHARLIE    That just rules out the zoo and Mel Blanc.  They're the only animals you ever heard in your whole stupid life. SOUND    [OUTSIDE] WEIRD ANIMAL NOISE CLAUDE    I just wanna take a look, see if Lenny's coming. CHARLIE    Fergit him!  I'm your wife - you should be here, lookin after me! CLAUDE    [sharp] Did you see that? CHARLIE    I see a grown man scared of some owl or something. CLAUDE    [on edge] No, there was this dark shape, went behind that buildign over there.  Watch! CHARLIE    [putting her foot down]  No!  I want to go inside!  [hissed] And I plan to lock the door, whatever side you happen to be on. SOUND    DOOR SLAMS AMB    OUTSIDE SOUND    RUSTLING CLAUDE    [calling quietly] Lenny?  Zat you? SOUND    WEIRD ANIMAL NOISE CLAUDE    [gasp] Dammit Lenny! SOUND    RUSTLING NOISE, OFF RIGHT SOUND    GUN READIED CLAUDE    [moving right]  Come out, whatever you are. MOMENT OF SUSPENSE, A COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS CLAUDE    [gasp] LENNY    [gasp]  What's wit the heater, Claude?  I ain't done nuttin! SOUND    PUTTING GUN BACK CLAUDE    Nah, Lenny, it's-- did you hear something weird out there? LENNY    Birds.  Something.  I guess. CLAUDE    Charlie's inside.  Come on. LENNY    Why do you put up with her? CLAUDE    What?  We're married. LENNY    If she was my wife, I'd'a smacked her to kingdom come years ago - I wouldn'a been able to help myself. CLAUDE    I love her.  [shrugs]  And I hate her sometimes too.  What can you do? SOUND    BIG DOOR STARST TO OPEN SOUND    [CLOSE] WEIRD ANIMAL NOISE SOUND    BOTH MEN TURN, DRAW GUNS SOUND    DOOR SWINGS SHUT AGAIN LENNY    That's the noise you was talking about? CLAUDE    Yeah.  Shh.  [whispered] Can you tell where it is? LENNY    Nuh-uh. MOMENT OF JUST CAUTIOUS BREATHING, THEN SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN BEHIND THEM LENNY and CLAUDE    [gasp] CHARLIE    Get your keisters in here, you nitwits!  Time's a-wasting! MUSIC AMB    INSIDE BANK, ECHOEY SOUND    COMBINATION LOCK BEING TURNED CHARLIE    [whispered] Hurry! LENNY    [whispered] That ain't gonna help! CLAUDE    Zip it!  I'm almost there! SOUND    A COUPLE OF CLICKS, HANDLE CLAUDE    [angry noise] Agh.  Nope.  Damn.  Charlie, give me something to write on. CHARLIE    What do I look like, your secretary? CLAUDE    Just find me something, or I'm gonna forget the numbers I already got! SOUND    FEET GO OFF SOUND    ROOTING AROUND IN A PURSE CHARLIE    Here's some paper. LENNY    [coming back] I got a pencil from the desk.  It's getting kind of dark outside. CHARLIE    Great - a storm. CLAUDE    Good thing you got that kid under cover.  She don't need to catch penumonia. CHARLIE    Oh, listen to Mary Curry over here. CLAUDE    [sighs] SOUND    WRITING SOUND    DISTANT ECHOEY WEIRD NOISE CHARLIE    What the hell? CLAUDE    That's what I've been trying to tell you about.  Cept now it sounds like it's inside here with us. CHARLIE     Get that vault open, before they find us. LENNY    They?  Don't you mean it? CHARLIE    It's got to be some sort of Okie joke.  These hicks are messing with us. SOUND    CLOSER ECHOEY WEIRD NOISE CHARLIE    [shrieking] Get it open! CLAUDE    My hands won't stop shaking, Charlie.  I can't concentrate-- CHARLIE    I can NOT believe I am hearing this! CLAUDE    [voice rising to a yell] --and you ain't helping!  SHUT UP! CHARLIE    huh! [affronted]  Hmph. CLAUDE    [long deep breath, trying to calm down] SOUND    CLICKING of DIAL BEGINS SOUND    DISTANT ECHOEY WEIRD NOISE SOUND    CLICKS TURN WILDLY CLAUDE    Yah! LENNY    [nervous, but trying to be helpful] I-I could go and look? CLAUDE    No, I think-- CHARLIE    Yeah, you do that, knucklehead.  Go and kick some heads on these nutballs. CLAUDE    [definitive]  No.  SOUND    DIAL TWIRLS QUICKLY CLAUDE    We're getting out of here. CHARLIE    [angry] Don't you chicken out on me now, Claude! [wheedling] Come, on baby!  We're this close to the big score.  I can taste it! The only thing in our way is this door. SOUND    ECHOEY WEIRD NOISE COMES AROUND CORNER, SKITTERING LENNY    And th-th-th-that!  [a shriek] Them! SOUND    RUNNING FEET MUSIC ALL    PANTING BREATHING IN A CLOSE SPACE LENNY    What the hell?  What were they?  CLAUDE    I dunno!  All I saw was teeth and fur. CHARLIE    They're like shrews or something. CLAUDE    Nah, they was more teeth than anything else.  Even shrews ain't like that.  These ain't nothing natural. CHARLIE    Well they ain't ghosts, frogs, or pigs.  LENNY    That just leaves monsters. CHARLIE    [after a beat]  What? LENNY    The little girl, she said it was monsters. SOUND    SCRABBLIONG AT THE DOOR BEGINS, GETS LOUDER THROGUHOUT LENNY    Oh, holy crap!  CHARLIE    Sounds like they're eating their way through! CLAUDE    And there ain't excatly a dozen ways out of this closet here. CHARLIE    There gotta be something!  I ain't going out like this.  Boost me up! CLAUDE    Boost? CHARLIE    I think I see something up there.  Just like in gramma's attic. CLAUDE    [grunt of boosting]  Lenny, give me a hand here, wouldja? LENNY    Yeah, here - uh!  Careful! [he has a kitten in his coat] BOTH    [grunt as they push her up] CHARLIE    Yeah!  I thought so!  SOUND    GRIND OF WOOD SHIFTING CHARLIE    This probably goes to a roof access.  [ugh! As she climbs up] CLAUDE    Don't kick!  Damn! LENNY    Watch out!  Uhhh!  SOUND    HER SCRAMBLING STOPS CHARLIE    [calling down] Big help you two are.  I see cracks of light - bet there's a vent and I can get out onto the roof. CLAUDE    And then what? CHARLIE    Well, they don't look much like climbers, do they?  We can wait it out up there! CLAUDE    How the hell are we supposed to get up there? LENNY    Whatever we do, we better do it quick!  Sounds like they're getting through! CLAUDE    Here, I'll boost you. LENNY    Nah, Claude - If you get killed, then I'm alone with her, and I can't take that.  CLAUDE    You dumbo! LENNY    Besides, you can pull me up better.  Okay? CLAUDE    Let's do this. SOUND    GRUNST, RUSTLES, THUMPS CLAUDE    [long grunt, pulling himself up] SOUND MOVES UP TO THEM ABOVE SOUND    DISTANT WOOD CRACKING LENNy    [distant]  Claude?  Come on!  My turn! [continues under] CHARLIE    oh, Claude!  [kisses him] CLAUDE    MMm!  [surprised, but enjoying the kiss] SOUND    WOOD QUIETLY SHIFTED, LENNY CUTS OUT CLAUDE    What was that for? CHARLIE    Just happy. LENNY    [off, screams!!!] CLAUDE    shit!  You closed the hatch!  CHARLIE    It's too late for him! LENNY    [Scream cuts out] CLAUDE    How could you do that? CHARLIE    If I didn't you woulda died wit him!  I'm protecting you, ya bastard. CLAUDE    Where's this damn vent? CHARLIE    Say you love me. CLAUDE    There it is. CHARLIE    What the hell's gotten into you? CLAUDE    You're my wife, and I'll get you out--  CHARLIE    Out of what? CLAUDE    Out of here.  Out of this town.  But don't expect to ever see me again after that. CHARLIE    [freaked] Cluade?  How can you even-- SOUND    KICKING OUT THE VENT MUSIC AMB    OUTISDE CLAUDE    [cold] Give me your hand. CHARLIE    [meek] all right, Claude. SOUND    SCRABBLING CLAUDE and Charlie [grunt as he pulls her up onto the roof] CLAUDE    [breathing hard with exertion]  [runs his hand over his face] CHARLIE    You still got the combination?  Just in case? CLAUDE    I don't even care no more. CHARLIE    Can I see it? CLAUDE    No.  Where's that pencil?  Ah. SOUND    PAPER RUSTLES CHARLIE    What're you doing? CLAUDE    Writing my will. CHARLIE    Will?  What you got to leave? CLAUDE    I dunno, but there must be something I can-- whoa. CHARLIE    What? CLAUDE    Where'd you get this paper? CHARLIE    That?  Oh I think that was the note on our door. CLAUDE    Damn. CHARLIE    What? CLAUDE    This woulda been good to know.  "So sorry to put you in harm's way, but the boggins is hungry, and if it ain't an outsider, then it's someone in town, and we can't have that.  But we did warn you, as tradtion demands, and you had every chance to leave.  Thank you for staying!" CHARLIE    So it must be over, right? CLAUDE    Are you flapping your lips for a reason? CHARLIE    [whine] Claude!  The note makes it sound like it's just one they need.  One outsider.  So Lenny-- CLAUDE    [cold, hard] You need to shut your trap.  Now. CHARLIE    [sweetie again] You gonna forgive me, arentcha? CLAUDE    [not quite sure] No. CHARLIE    Oh, come on, Claudie.  We're better off, ain't we?  Just you and me, like the old days? LENNY    You want old days, I was his friend first. CHARLIE    [gasps] SOUND    SHE LOSES HER BALANCE A BIT, FEET SLOWLY APPROACH CLAUDE    Len!  [pleased]  I'll be damned!  What... happened?  It sounded like-- LENNY    [freaked out] They were...everywhere.  I dunno why they didn't just take me down.  They took some chunks out of me, man, but they... stopped. SOUND    MONSTER NOISES START SNEAKING IN, UNDER CHARLIE    [insincere] What a relief! LENNY     Don't you start!  I heard everything.  CLAUDE    Can you forgive me, Lenny? LENNY    Yeah, probably.  Jeez I hope Peahces is OK. SOUND    UNZIP WIDNBREAKER CLAUDE    What? LENNY    You think we're safe up here? CHARLIE    [spiteful again] Apparently, you're safe anywhere.  Must taste bad. LENNY    Oh, look, he's still asleep. CLAUDE    [laughing a little]  A kitten?  You took you a kitten? CHARLIE    You did what?  You are SUCH a shit-for-brains. LENNY    Leave off, Charlie, or I swear I will-- SOUND    NOW BECOMING OBVIOUS, THE MONSTERS ARE DOWN BELOW CLAUDE    Shh!  It's those things! CHARLIE    The shrews? CLAUDE    Whatever they are.  CHARLIE    Can you see them? CLAUDE    The roof slopes wrong, I can't get close enough to get a look down. CHARLIE    Well, crawl out there!  Surely you don't expect me to do it! LENNY    I can't leave Peaches. CHARLIE    Peaches? SOUND    SNATCH, THUMP AS SHE THROWS THE KITTEN AT A WALL CHARLIE    [uh! As she throws] There's your damn Peaches. LENNY    Peaches!!  SOUND    SCRAMBLE ACROSS THE ROOF LENNY    You killed him!  He was justa baby kitten!  He never din't do nothing to you! CHARLIE    Stop bawling and start helping! LENNY    I'll help.  Yeah, I know what I can do to help. SOUND    MOVING CLOSER LENNY    [unh!  Shoving] CHARLIE    Lenny? What are you doing?  Ahh!!!  Claude! LENNY    Stay back, Claude. CLAUDE    I'm just a bit too damn tired to stop you. CHARLIE    Claude?!?  Ahhhhhhhhh [scream as she goes off the roof] SOUND    ROAR OF MONSTERs, grinding chewing CHARLIE    [Horrible screaming.] LENNY    [calm again] Sorry you had to see that. SOUND    MONSTER NOISES DISSIPATE CLAUDE    Sorry about your Peaches, Lenny.  We'll get you another kitten. LENNY    Okay.  [pause] Claude?  Let's not get you another wife, though, okay? SOUND    CLOCK CHIMES 1 O'CLOCK CLOSER OLIVIA    Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back.  Maybe next week?  Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already... __________________ LENNY    Funny thing, though - Why'd Artie tell me about this?  CLAUDE    I have a feeling he... well... meant for us to come to a bad end. LENNY    But he carries a torch for Charlie! CLAUDE    Yup.  And he said she shouldn't come. LENNY    Oh!  [musing]  Artie's never...wrong. _________________ CLAUDE    If anybody who's asleep is safe, I think maybe Peaches saved your life. By sleeping. LENNY    [wailing] Peaches!!! CLAUDE    Lenny, just hold on to the good times. THE END

In this episode, we dive into the notion of starting from nothing, or restarting every day as a new opportunity to experience your true self.In all truth, most of us haven't reached our true potentiality. There's fear to deal with, all the what ifs, will it even work? It's a lot easier when you restart each day.Dive into this podcast to get a pep up.PLEASE SHARE THIS PODDY WITH WHO YOU BELIEVE MIGHT BENEFIT. YOU CAN ALSO DROP A REVIEW.Lotsa LoveTommy

What was there to rebel against in the '90s? Whaddaya you got? Raymond and Audra examine the '90s Rebel archetype through the lens of two film classics of teen rebellion: PUMP UP THE VOLUME and GHOST WORLD. Talk hard!

[MASSIVE SPOILER WARNING] Recorded April 14th, 2022 We're back with a brand new episode, strangers! We know it's been a while since we've shared anything with you listener's out there, and it's been just as long since we've shared anything with each other! So we decided to take some time to catch up on all the games we've been playing in the last few months in this special extended segment of “Whaddaya Playin'??” Heh heh heh.. Clinton Lisboa @clintonlisboa Andy Audette @andrewwaudette Eric Motta @railroadparkgaming

Cold Read: https://discord.gg/c3jagscRVb Deadeye Kid:  http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net/all_show_pages/deadeye%20kid/DeadeyeKidmain.htm THE NAKED TRUTH B&B Investigations returns, and this time Paul and Donna have been hired by the personal assistant to Mr. Emperor (of Emperor Pictures), himself. (For case #1, check out Cry Wolf) Cast List Paul Bette - Joel Harvey Donna Bella - Julie Hoverson Captain Oftheguard - Reynaud LeBoeuf Willard  - Barry Northern (Cast Macabre) Tom - Justin Charles (1st Draft Productions) Dick - Big Anklevitch (Dunesteef Audio Magazine) Herbie Taylor - Glen Hallstrom Goldy Taylor - Crystal Thomson Mr. Emperor - Rish Outfield (Dunesteef Audio Magazine) Sherry - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard (Gypsy Audio) Shop Steward - Scott Pigg Argus - J. Christopher Dunn Soda Jerk - Mike Campbell Music by Somewhere Off Jazz Street and Incompetech.com Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock   "What kind of a place is it? Why it's private investigator's office, can't you tell?" *********************************************** THE NAKED TRUTH Cast: Olivia Paul Bette Donna Bella Captain Oftheguard Willard Goldy Taylor Herbie Taylor Tom, Dick Mr. Emperor Sherry Shop steward Argus Soda Jerk OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a private detective's office, can't you tell?  MUSIC 1_EMPLOYEE SOUND    OFFICE SOUND    DOOR UNLOCKS, OPENS PAUL    Right this way, sir.  Sorry to have kept you waiting. SOUND    STEPS, DOOR WILLARD    As one of Mr. Emperor's personal assistants, I am not used to-- PAUL    Of course not.  Please, step into my office and have a seat.  I'll get you some coffee? WILLARD    Don't you have staff for that? PAUL    This is pretty much a two-person office... WILLARD    Well, where's your assistant? PAUL    She's-- SOUND    OUTER DOOR OPENS, STEPS BREEZE IN DONNA    Paul?  You're here early. WILLARD    Speak of the devil? PAUL    Hold on just one moment.  SOUND    STEPS, DOOR SHUTS PAUL    Shh.  There's a client. DONNA    Oh?  Great! PAUL    Well, I think he thinks that-- WILLARD    [behind wall, raised voice] Mr. Emperor would never put up with tardiness in his employees. DONNA    [burning] Employees? PAUL    I didn't say anything, he just assumed. DONNA    What? PAUL    Don't get worked up - you know, this is the biz, sweetheart. DONNA    What? PAUL    The client is always right.  Humor him, and we'll have a plum job - he's a personal assistant to Mr. Emperor. DONNA    [big payoff] WHA--?  [then, back to normal suddenly] Of Emperor film studios?  Ooh! WILLARD    [raised, through door] I'm still waiting for my coffee! 2_VO_FEMALE MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER PAUL    The sad fact of detective work - it's just not a job you expect to find a female in, and people have a hard time accepting that my partner in the firm of B&B Investigations - and in fact one of said B's on the door - DONNA    The smarter B. PAUL    Don't be snippy.  It's really not my fault.  DONNA    [sigh] I know.  PAUL    Is Donna Bella, my partner. DONNA    It grates that so many men just don't seem to feel like women - particulary pretty women-- PAUL    Or beauties. DONNA    Me?  Oh, silly!  They don't feel that we can be more than princesses, secretaries, sorceresses, social climbers, or damsels in distress.  Sure, some women make it to prominence for their brains, and then every pair of pants around says "wow, ain't she unusual?" and we gals suffer in silence. PAUL    [hinting] On the other hand, it makes for a good cover - flying way under the radar - to be able to watch goings-on and take notes. DONNA    [reluctant] True. PAUL    Feeling any better? DONNA    A bit.  I guess. PAUL    I probably should... talk to the client? DONNA    Go on ahead.  I'll muse a moment longer. PAUL    [careful] Would you... bring us coffee when you're done?  [quickly]  I mean, let him think that you're-- DONNA    Yeah, yeah.  I'll give you the one without. PAUL    Without what? DONNA    [dark] I have't decided yet. PAUL    [goes off, chuckling] DONNA    The only thing that makes this job bearable - apart from the whole thrill of the chase, which is fun - is my partner, Paul Bette.  Big brute that he is, he never underestimates me.  I think he regards me as a little brother in a dress, which ain't a real pretty picture - you should see his little brother.  Sometimes, I wish he did see me as a woman - in a dress - and treat me like one.  Ah, forget it. MUSIC CUTS OUT 3_CHICORY SOUND    DOOR OPENS DONNA    [way too perky] Two coffees! WILLARD    And about time. PAUL    [sigh] I explained to you about the errend I sent her on-- WILLARD    Yes, yes of course.  But-- PAUL    And this office doesn't exactly put me in Mr. Emperor's class for choice of-- WILLARD    [accepting] Ah, well. [sips, smacks lips]  Interesting flavor. PAUL    [worried] What is it? DONNA    [daggers] Chicory. WILLARD    Hmm.  Yes.  Amusing.  PAUL    Can we get down to business? DONNA    Do you need me to stay? WILLARD    Doesn't she take shorthand or something? PAUL    She does, but [overriding her] she does it out at her desk, over the intercom.  Less distracting that way. DONNA    [huffs as she leaves] SOUND    TAPS OF HER FEET, DOOR SHUTS WILLARD    [confidential] If you plan to keep that one around for... looks, you simply must find an ugly one to do the work. PAUL    Not a bad idea.  Though a bit sexist. WILLARD    I am in the film business. PAUL    Ah.  Now what is the nature of your problem? WILLARD    You are familiar with the prestigious filmography of Mr. Emperor? PAUL    Golden idols, plaques, every movie a winner.  Of course. WILLARD    [coughs delicately] Almost every movie a winner. PAUL    [knowing] Oh, yes.  But still an impressive reputation. WILLARD    And not one to be trifled with.  Unfortunately, my master also suffers from a terrible case of ...hubris. PAUL    Shouldn't he see a doctor? WILLARD    [dry] Funny.  No, it's only-- [sighs, trying to find the right word]  PAUL    Be blunt, this is all confidential. WILLARD    [resigned sigh] It's his ego.  It has simply swollen so large he can no longer see past it.  PAUL    [confused] And you want me to help with that? WILLARD    No, no, it's the consequences which disturb me.  I just don't know where to start... PAUL    The beginning is usually a good bet. WILLARD    Six months ago, a consortium of ...people found their way into Mr. Emperor's social sphere... MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER 4_VO_RODOMONTADE DONNA    Goodness, what a mouth.  He must have it embroidered on his underwear somewhere - "thou shalt not utilize a single clear and plain word when ten or a dozen fancy choices will do the trick."  I was hard put not to fall asleep right on the intercom.  And what did it all boil down to?  He suspected a couple of scam artists of lining his boss up for a sting.  But could he just cut to the point and say that?  Indubitably in the negative. PAUL    The details were interesting but not conclusive. DONNA    There were actual details in there? PAUL    Yes.  This trio had wormed their way into emperor's inner circle, and pitched him on a movie they wanted to make.  He thought it sounded like a winner, didn't run it past anyone, and didn't even stop to read the script - just trusted his instinct that they would be "the next big thing."  He set them up in a closed soundstage, and handed them a check.  Since then, they've been needing more and more money for all those ...things movies have-- DONNA    Actors, costumes, sets, props, film-- PAUL    Yeah, but there's no proof they've ever spent a dime of it.  They've made a big deal of auditioning a bunch of hopefuls-- DONNA    Mostly by letting themselves be wined and dined by all the big names.  Or worse. PAUL    And no one even knows if this movie is actually being made.  DONNA    And Mr. Emperor doesn't suspect anything? PAUL    I dunno.  Willard seemed to think his boss might be beginning to suspect something, but he's got so much invested in the damn project, he can't step away.  His whole ego and reputation - both more monumental than his wallet - are so tied up in this.  He's never had a flop before-- DONNA    Well, there was the one. PAUL    Right - he mentioned something like that.  What's the deal? DONNA    A silly little flick called Gone with the Wind - ever see it? PAUL    Nope. DONNA    Well, neither did anyone else.  Who'd ever buy a story of three pigs and a wolf anyway? MUSIC    NOT QUITE A "WAH-WAH-WAH" 5_OFTHEGUARD SOUND    MUSIC IS INTERRUPTED BY A PHONE RINGING DONNA    Should I get that, [snotty] "Mister Bette"? PAUL    Would you? DONNA    [sullen] Fine.  SOUND    PHONE SNATCHED UP DONNA    [too sultry] B&B Investigations.  How may I direct your call, to B or B? OFTHEGUARD    [on the phone] Donna?  What's got into you? DONNA    Oh, Captain Oftheguard!  [hah!]  I'm just covering the front while we decide on hiring a new secretary. PAUL    A new secretary--? DONNA    Our last one...um... won a bundle of dough in a radio contest and ran off to Barbados.  Who'd'a thunk that being able to name all the dancing princesses--  OFTHEGUARD    Cut the malarkey, Donna.  Is Bette there?  I need to speak to him. DONNA    Yes.  Of course. OFTHEGUARD    [pointed] Alone. DONNA    [to Paul] Everyone wants you today.  SOUND    SLAMS THE RECEIVER ONTO THE TABLE DONNA    I'll just go... buy some shoes or some other feminine pursuit. SOUND    SHE LEAVES - FEET, RUSTLE PAUL    Donna?  What--? SOUND    DOOR SLAMS SOUND    VOICE ON THE PHONE, VERY SMALL AND DISTORTED PAUL    Damn.  [growl]  SOUND    SNATCHES UP THE PHONE PAUL    [still a growl] What? OFTHEGUARD    What brownie crawled in your shoe?  MUSIC IN DONNA    I left them to their little boy games and decided to do the one thing Paul would never think of.  Or approve of. PAUL    [distant] Huh?  What?  DONNA    See you in the movies, babe. PAUL    [getting closer] Movies?  What movies? MUSIC OUT PAUL    [echoey] Donna? OFTHEGUARD    No, it's Oftheguard.  Ain't Donna with you? PAUL    She just stormed out of here. OFTHEGUARD    That girl has a temper.  Anyway, I wanted to discuss her birthday. PAUL    Birthday?  What?  OFTHEGUARD    Didn't you know?  It's Friday night, and I was wondering what kind of arrangements you mighta made.  PAUL    Oh.  We've been really busy here--  [still wondering] Movies? OFTHEGUARD    What? PAUL    Nothing.  [back on point] Friday.  Birthday.  Arrangements.  Right. MUSIC IN 6_AUDITION DONNA    [quiet] I stood outside the studio where the fancy schmancy new movie was supposedly being filmed - a huge building out on the docks with no windows and only one door. MUSIC OUT AMB    PIER SOUND    DOORBELL BUZZER TOM    [on intercom]  Sorry!  Ain't hiring today.  Closed set. DONNA    [breathy, sexy] Oh, please!  I just came in on a bus from Punkinville, and want so badly to be in moving pictures! TOM    Step up to the peephole - there on the left.  Saaaaaay.  You're a real beaut, ain'tcha? DONNA    It has been said.  Back home in Peter Piper Iowa, I was the beauty queen! TOM    I thought you said you were from Punkinville. DONNA    [thinking madly] Oh... I-- [drops voice] Punkinville is the bad side of Peter Piper. TOM    Why don't you come on in?  [lecherous] I might be able to squeeze in a screen test. SOUND    BUZZ, DOOR OPENS DONNA    [deep breath] Thank you ever so.  [muttered] Just be careful what you're squeezing. SOUND    WALKS INTO ECHOEY SPACE 7_EXIT STAGE LEFT MUSIC IN PAUL    I had no idea where Donna had got to, after our little dustup that morning.  And I was skeptical about Oftheguard's ideas for a party.  SOUND    CAR SNEAKS IN PAUL    Seemed pretty frivolous for a captain of his standing, but he was also an old friend of Donna's.  I decided to cut right to the chase and go to the studio. SOUND    CAR BRAKES, SOUND OF PIER PAUL    Work can usually take my mind off of-- SOUND    DOOR BEING SLAMMED OPEN, BODY FALLING OUT TOM    Whoooooah!  [being tossed out] PAUL    I realized Donna had beaten me to the punch. SOUND    CAR DOOR OPENS PAUL    [gasp, startled] SOUND    DONNA GETTING IN DONNA    I don't want to talk about it. PAUL    What's in there? DONNA    I didn't get a chance to see much. PAUL    What happened? SOUND    SNAP FINGERS MUSIC IN SUDDENLY DONNA    I didn't want to talk about it, but he just couldn't seem to take a hint. PAUL    Got it.  Fine. DONNA    Since I hadn't seen more than ten feet into the building - MOST of that being hallway, it wouldn't do ANY good to hash it over anyway. PAUL    I've got it.  Seriously. DONNA    And all because I would not could not on a couch-- PAUL    He offered you breakfast? DONNA    Just drop it! MUSIC OUT 8_BACK TO OFFICE SOUND    MOMENT OF SILENCE, CAR STARTS PAUL    We need to find a way in. DONNA    [almost steaming again] Oh? PAUL    I'm thinking a little piecework. DONNA    [more] OH? PAUL    All it would take is a little pounding, drilling.  In and out.  Simple. DONNA    [furious] OOOOH? PAUL    [noticing her anger]  uh, do you have a problem with me doing some construction work? DONNA    Oh! PAUL    What did you think I meant? DONNA    Nothing! MUSIC IN PAUL    No, really. DONNA    I want to go back to the office.  We do have some bleach there, don't we? PAUL    [narrating]  Back at the office, the phone was ringing. SOUND    QUICK STEPS, PICK UP PHONE PAUL    Hello? WILLARD    Hello? PAUL    Yes, can I help you? WILLARD    Is there anyone there? PAUL    What? DONNA    The music! SOUND    SNAP FINGERS MUSIC OUT 9_PHONE PAUL    Right. WILLARD    Ah, I was wondering.  I have been phoning for simply ages.  Where's your assistant been? DONNA    [dark] I've been to the palace to see the queen. PAUL    [to her, covering handset] No need for that!  [back to the phone]  What did you need? DONNA    [walking away] And pussycat pussycat, what'd you do there? PAUL    [muttered aside] pattycake or not, it's dang sexy when she speaks foreign. DONNA    [almost gone, loud] I'm getting ready to kick what he puts in a chair! SOUND    DOOR SLAMS PAUL    [interested] Oooh! [back to the phone] Sorry about that.  Employee relations. WILLARD    You're not relating to her on MY time, are you? PAUL    [growling] Anything on YOUR time will turn up on an expense account, bub.  Now, what were you calling about? WILLARD    [grumbling] You still need a secretary for the real work.  [up]  Mr. Emperor has finally nailed them down on a debut - Friday night at Grimm's Chinese theater - and we have to DO something before then!  If this is another bomb, he will be ruined! PAUL    We're on it. WILLARD    as long as you're not both on it at the same time, I'll be happy.  Goodbye! PAUL    [GROWLS]  Music! MUSIC COMES IN, BUT DOOR OF OFFICE OPENS A1_GOLDY GOLDY    Hello? MUSIC CUTS OUT PAUL    Uh, what? GOLDY    You're looking for a secretary. PAUL    I'm - what? GOLDY    [long suffering sigh]  Look, I don't mind working for chump change, or even schlepping for a brute like you - no offense-- PAUL    None taken. GOLDY    But I do try to work for folks who get some vocabulary.  I learned.  Had a job once taking dictation from this big black bird.  Couldn't say nothing but-- PAUL    Nevermind.  I'm just surprised.  We haven't actually advertised yet. GOLDY    Oh, sorry!  I spoke with-- [deliberately trails off] PAUL    Donna? GOLDY    Is she here? PAUL    [yes] She's in her office. GOLDY    Then no, not her.  This was a... [thinks]  ...a client. PAUL    Oh, Mr. Emperor's assistant. GOLDY    Yeah.  Him.  He suggested I come by. PAUL    Can you type? GOLDY    You bet. PAUL    Answer phones? GOLDY    I got a gold-plated ear. PAUL    [serious] Really? GOLDY    No. PAUL    Cause I knew a girl once, with-- GOLDY    Do I get the job? PAUL    I have to check with Donna first.  [up] Donna? DONNA    [from off] Still annoyed! PAUL    This might cheer you up! SOUND    DOOR OPENS, SHE STRIDES IN DONNA    What? GOLDY    [admiring] Well, look at you. DONNA    Who's looking at me, kid? PAUL    She came here for the secretary job.  Donna Bella, this is-- uh-- GOLDY    Ms. Lox.  But you can call me Goldy. MUSIC IN PAUL    Goldy's resume looked good-- DONNA    --and freshly typed-- PAUL    So we left her in charge and went looking for a way into the soundstage. GOLDY    Is that the Emperor pictures soundstage you were talking about? PAUL    Hey, this is a voiceover, not a party line. GOLDY    Hmph.  Coulda fooled me. PAUL    Lets take a drive.  Get some privacy.  DONNA    [romantic] Really Paul?      It's so sudden. MUSIC CUTS OUT SUDDENLY A2_PRIVATE CAR SOUND    CAR TURNS ON PAUL    That's exactly what I'm worried about. DONNA    Huh? PAUL    The way she showed up.  Very sudden. DONNA    Oh.  Did you lock up the petty cash? PAUL    Doll, our cash is so petty it ain't worth it. DONNA    [chuckles] So why do you think she popped up just now?  With a freshly minted resume? PAUL    I'm thinking someone's caught onto that valet's worry, and wants to keep tabs on us. DONNA    The potential swindlers? PAUL    We'll see.  MUSIC IN PAUL    [muttered]  Follow my lead.  [up]  Since the front door approach had been nixed, I figured on checking out the loading docks. DONNA    Ah!  Drop me at the union hall, wouldja? PAUL    Donna had a promising line of inquiry.  [side of mouth, teasing] Voice over... DONNA    I figured if there was anything coming in and going out - apart from money, there'd be someone at the local 509 who kept an eye on it. PAUL    Can't do anything in the film industry without teamsters. DONNA    [back at him] Voice over.... [whispered] I'll take the voiceover in 15 minutes.  When you're done, you mention a llama. PAUL    [whispered] Beast or priest? DONNA    [whispered] Either way. PAUL    Dropping her off, I went on down to the docks, figuring on asking around, finding out who catered the shop.  Bye, sweets. DONNA    [blows a kiss]  See ya!  SOUND     CAR DOOR SLAMS PAUL    Smart as a whip.  [musing] That's just one of those things you say, but when you really think about it, how smart IS a whip?  And who would ever ask to be "whipped"? SOUND    DRIVING AGAIN PAUL    I found a parking space down at the end of the marina, out of sight, but close enough in case someone decided to take a run-out powder. DONNA    Speaking of powder, I decided to stop in at a Rex druggist for a new compact and a bite to eat. MUSIC OUT A3_SODA JERK DONNA    Bet you get a lot of movie folks in here. JERK    [squeaking] Here?  [clears his throat]  Here?  I mean, not so's you'd notice, why? DONNA    Aren't they making a film down on the pier, there? JERK    Are they?  I haven't heard anything.  Who's in it? DONNA    I was hoping you'd know. JERK    No, but I know who to ask. DONNA    Oh?  Who? JERK    There's this old guy comes in here a lot.  Big nose.  He seems to know everyone.  Baron, Baron--- DONNA    Munchausen?  Hah!  Oops, is that the time?  I was supposed to meet the local shop steward. MUSIC IN DONNA    There's two ways to deal with teamsters.  Hire them and pay them a good wage, or don't hire them and pay them anyway.  That was what all the hullabaloo was about the sorcerer's apprentice - making brooms that can tote water is the worst kind of scab labor. Of course, there are exceptions, and I found out this was one of those. MUSIC OUT A4_TEAMSTERS STEWARD    Foreign soil. DONNA    What? STEWARD    That pier.  Used to be the embassy for Atlantis. DONNA    But Atlantis sank. STEWARD    Yeah, but that pier is still foreign soil.  Any work done there is subject to the local laws.  Of Atlantis. DONNA    But what about things going in and out?  Surely you must be handling deliveries? STEWARD    We would have to.  But there ain't none.  None at all, and we've been keeping our sharpest eye on them.  [up] Argus? ARGUS    Yeah, boss? DONNA    Wow.  I'd hate to be your optometrist. ARGUS    Guess I'm lucky I got 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20-- DONNA     I got it. ARGUS    --vision, eh? DONNA    Yeah.  So, you haven't seen ANYone coming or going? ARGUS    Didn't say that - a couple guys are in and out.  Just not goods or anything that we'd have to handle. DONNA    But the film crew-- ARGUS    What film crew?  It's just these three guys.  No one else. STEWARD    So the crew must be living in there, too.  Which would be a housing board violation, except... DONNA    Foreign soil.  Right.  Thanks for the   help, guys.  Oops - I'm running a bit late.  Come on! SOUND    SNAP FINGERS MUSIC IN DONNA    I wonder when my new music will arrive.  [sigh, up]  It was a mystery all right.  Somehow they had a set with no setup, a cast with no costumes, and a crew with no shore leave.  Far as anyone might know, it could be a big empty building - empty except for the oodles of gold Emperor was pouring into it.  And if there was truly nothing - how to save the studio, avoid embarrassment, and catch the crooks, all at once.  It was about time to grab those three guys and set them adrift in a leaky tub. PAUL    Lama. DONNA    Just like that? PAUL    Yup. Can you get back to the office on your own? DONNA    Ain't a hackie I can't handle. PAUL    Meet you there.  I'll take this for a while. DONNA    Oh, right-- PAUL AND DONNA    [unison, teasing] Voice-over.  [both laugh] PAUL    I had found something - something very interesting - out back of the warehouse, and was bringing it back to the office to examine it more closely.  Too bad it was a little hard to fit into the car.  That was reason enough to get Donna to find her own way home. DONNA    Like a little lamb, dragging my tail behind me? PAUL    Only you could make pattycake sound sexy. DONNA    You should see what I can do with [very sexy] Pease porridge HOT. PAUL    [interested growl] Save it!  Rowr! DONNA    Can we get to the office, already? PAUL    Sounds good. MUSIC OUT A5_HERBIE SOUND    DOOR OPENS, SHE WALKS IN GOLDY    Welcome to B&B Investigations.  Can I-- Oh!  [shrug]  Ehh.  Good practice, I suppose. DONNA    [stunned]  What... happened? GOLDY    Whaddaya mean? DONNA    It's so... clean.  You didn't have a horde of magic forest animals in here, did you? SOUND    DOOR OPENS GOLDY    [hurried] Uh, no.  I just didn't have a lot to do.  [uneasy] I ain't real fond of forests.  Or animals. PAUL    Ahem. GOLDY    Present company excluded. PAUL    Good. SOUND    HE WALKS IN, STRUGGLING MAN WITH HIM HERBIE    Mrph.  Urk. [struggling noises, bag on head] GOLDY    But I draw the line at kidnapping!  What did you do to that poor mug?  PAUL    I put a bag on his head. HERBIE    [muffled] Goldy? GOLDY    [cussing] Oh, Porridge! DONNA    Oh, no, you're not going anywhere, sweetheart. SOUND    DOOR SLAMS, LOCKS GOLDY    You lemme go, or I swear I'll break a chair - on your pretty little auburn head! SOUND    BAG OFF OF HEAD HERBIE    Goldy!  What's all this about, my little housebreaker? DONNA    Whoever you are, you're not alone, and you're embarrassing Ms. Lox. GOLDY    Thank you.  HERBIE    Ms. Lox?  Yeah, twenty years ago, maybe.  Since then, she's been my wife, Goldy Tailor! DONNA    I thought I recognized you.  Aren't you that guy who--? GOLDY     Oh, don't bring it up.  Please! HERBIE    What's wrong with a man taking credit for his past achievements?  So I took out 7 in one blow. GOLDY    Yeah, twenty years ago, maybe.  And they were flies.  This is his big achievement. HERBIE    Honey.  Sweetie.  Who're these folks anyway? PAUL    We're the private investigators who've been hired to find out what's really going on with that "movie" you're filming HERBIE    [suddenly serious] Oh.  That. MUSIC IN DONNA    For all their bickering, I was jealous.  They'd been married for twenty years, and I could see what she really felt by the way she looked at him.  PAUL    That and the fact that he clearly didn't put her up to sneaking in and spying on the spies. GOLDY    You know I can hear you? DONNA    We are definitely going to have to do something about that. MUSIC OUT HERBIE    It started out as a little con job.  Or that's what they told me.  I came in late in the game. GOLDY    Yeah, you're innocent as a baby fresh from a cabbage patch.  And about as smart.  A pair of grifters like that-- HERBIE    They got me in because I know the garment trade, and they needed someone to handle the costumes. DONNA    But there... aren't any costumes? HERBIE    Yeah, that's the funny part.  They mostly needed someone who could write a convincing invoice for the things they weren't buying. GOLDY    I hope you got some decent pay for this. PAUL    You're really better off not discussing THAT in front of witnesses. HERBIE    At first, I thought it was just a joke, and then, suddenly... before I even knew it, I was in it right up to my cummerbund.  GOLDY    And none of this is admissible in court!  I clerked for enough lawyers in my day.  I know all about hearsay. PAUL    Tell us everything you know, Mr. Lox-- HERBIE    Tailor.  Herbie Tailor.  You can call me Herbie. PAUL    Herbie, and we'll do our best to keep your name out of it. HERBIE    Like I said, it's all a scam.  More shell companies than a town full of mermaids.  Constant demands for money - and all to make this movie they say will be over the heads of everyone in the audience.  PAUL    But why? HERBIE    I guess this producer wants to rise above the crowd-pleasing musicals and talking animal flicks he usually churns out-- GOLDY    Apart from that one-- HERBIE    Oh, yeah, that.  Anyway, he wants to do something all intellectual and deep - like a foreign film.  Make a new name for himself. PAUL    Just hoping that name won't be ... um...  [prompting] something bad. HERBIE    Aschenputtel? DONNA    Maleficent? PAUL    Shh!  That one's copyrighted. DONNA    Oh. GOLDY    Just say his name would be mud and move on. HERBIE    Look, if I'm gone for much longer, they're gonna get suspicious.  PAUL    Can you try and find out one thing?  If we agree to help keep you out of the hands of the guard? HERBIE    I dunno.  I don't want to-- GOLDY    [warning] Herbie!? HERBIE    Yeah, all right.  Whatever you want. PAUL    I want to know what they're planning to do.  There has to be something in it for them, or they'd'a cut and run long back. HERBIE    Yeah. I guess. DONNA    True - with the premiere coming up, they must have one last big payoff in mind. PAUL    Why don't you two get outta here? GOLDY    Me, too? PAUL    Sorry, but until this is finished, you're just gonna be in the way. DONNA    And stay out of our voiceovers! MUSIC IN DONNA    It was a pity, really.  Goldy had done a bang up job of cleaning the office. PAUL    Is that what happened?  DONNA    Yup.  But until the case was cleared, there was no way we could let her stick around.  Maybe after the gala on Friday-- MUSIC OUT A6_FRIDAY PAUL    Friday!  Holy cow! DONNA    Whazzat?  PAUL    Nothing.  I need to give Willard a call.  See if there's any new payments going down the line. DONNA    Why don't you let me handle that?  Isn't that what assistants are for? PAUL    We don't get paid if you hurt him. DONNA    Over the phone?  I'll be very nice. PAUL    You go on ahead, then.  I have a few other loose ends to tie up. DONNA    Like? PAUL    Nothing I can't handle.  You go on. DONNA    [suspicious] Riiiight.  I'm out. MUSIC IN PAUL    [long sigh]  I was going to have to call Oftheguard and let him know we were otherwise engaged this Friday.  I hoped he hadn't done much in the way of planning.  But I knew Donna wouldn't want to let anything get in the way of finishing a case.  I was even thinking he might be handy to have around when-- SOUND    PHONE RINGS PAUL    [checking if she's around] Donna?  Oh well.  Music? MUSIC OUT A7_WHISPERS SOUND     PHONE PICKED UP PAUL    Hello? HERBIE    [whispered] I got it. PAUL    Got what? HERBIE    What they're up to.  They plan to claim the film's been stolen, and cash in on the insurance.  Maybe even ask a ransom. PAUL    So - last minute, no film, and they're in the clear? HERBIE    Gotta go. SOUND    PHONE HANGS UP DONNA    Guess it's time to report to the client. PAUL    [surprised] Yah!  Didn't you leave? DONNA    Couldn't think of anything interesting to do.  SOUND    PHONE DIALING MUSIC IN DONNA    Sometimes, the P.I. biz is just a lot of waiting, false starts, and standing around in the rain.  MUSIC OUT A8_REPORT PAUL    Or giving bad news. WILLARD    [on phone] What bad news? MUSIC IN PAUL    I gave him the run-down, and he took it pretty well. MUSIC OUT WILLARD    [screaming] NooO!  You simply MUST do something! DONNA    [off] I could get him some more chicory! PAUL    We were hired to get info, not to-- WILLARD    Then I'm hiring you again!  Money is no object, as long as you save Mr. Emperor's reputation! PAUL    I guess we need to find someone who can make you a movie. SOUND    PHONE HANGS UP DONNA    In two days?  [idea] I'll handle that.  Why don't you figure out what to do with the crooks when we get them? PAUL    But-- DONNA    Then we can skip ahead to the denouement! PAUL    But-- DONNA    This should be fun! A9_EMPEROR SOUND    DOOR SHUTS PAUL    [weakly, disbelieving] In two days?  [sigh]  Well, they can't expect miracles... MUSIC IN PAUL    Oh, all right.  The night of the big show arrived.  The theater was full of all those glittering people who appear out of nowhere every time a red carpet unrolls.  Crowned heads and nouveau riche, stars and those who just had stars in their eyes.  I was with Mr. Emperor only moments before the curtain was to go up. EMPEROR     [emperor only speaks in bellows] [on phone] What are you talking about?  The canisters were just delivered! TOM    [On phone]  They what? EMPEROR    They're being set up this minute - you could have given them some more time, you know. TOM    But, the ransom call just came in! EMPEROR    Must be a hoax.  Come on down and enjoy the show. TOM    I don't-- PAUL    They really should be here to take their share of the credit. EMPEROR    The car should be there about now. SOUND    RECEIVER SLAMMED DOWN EMPEROR    You can go now.  The projector staff have the cans well in hand. PAUL    I'm supposed to stay and keep an eye on them after the debut also. WILLARD    I'll find him a seat somewhere.  EMPEROR    Fine, fine.  See you after the show. SOUND    DOOR SLAM PAUL    Is he angry? WILLARD    No, why? PAUL    Nothing. WILLARD    What if the film is bad? What do we do? PAUL    Plan b is set the projector room on fire after the first reel. WILLARD    Really? PAUL    No!  But what you need to do is go out there and give the film a big buildup.  Make a point that it's very highbrow and intellectual and that only the most perceptive people will understand and appreciate it.  You know the kind of thing - butter up the audience with one hand, threaten them with the other. WILLARD    I work for producers, of course I know. PAUL    Go for it. B1_FINALE MUSIC IN DONNA    The movie had a bit of a rough start, but once the people got used to the pace, they seemed to get into it.  Since there were no kids in the audience to get restless and start saying obnoxious things, it seemed to go over pretty well. PAUL    I made a point of being in the hallway outside emperor's box, and when the culprits tried to slink away at the last minute... MUSIC OUT PAUL    Where do you think you're going? TOM    uh... concessions.  Need more popcorn. DICK    Me too. PAUL    Movie's nearly over.  Don't you want to take your bows? DICK    But it ain't our-- TOM    Stifle!  He meant it ain't our style to be in the public eye, you see.  C'mon-- DONNA    Not so fast. DICK    A big guy and a pair of dames?  Don't make me laugh. PAUL    I wouldn't-- TOM    Oh, jeez!  It's her!  [muttered to dick] We'd have a better chance with the brute. DICK    Really? TOM    [up] What do youse guys want? DONNA     We want to avoid any unpleasantness for Mr. Emperor, so your job is to go out there and take your bows, and introduce your writer-director, Sherry here. SHERRY    Hi! DONNA    She's real good with a story, and saved everyone's butts. SHERRY    You wanted avant garde - and I was dying to try something new. PAUL     I still can't believe you finished it in two days. SHERRY    I had a good subject to work with. TOM    But what're we supposed to do after tonight? DONNA    I suggest take some filmmaking lessons - if this is a success, you're going to have half the studios around looking to hire you, and most are a bit more picky than Mr. Emperor. PAUL    Don't worry - you can always go into seclusion, after completion of your masterwork. SHERRY    Just as long as I get my credit - and since I mastered the final titles, I DO [laughs]. I'll get any work I want after this.  Picture it - "A Scherezade production" in big lights!  I'll keep 'em coming back, night after night. MUSIC IN B2_BIRTHDAY DONNA    And it went over with a bang - primed as they were, no one was willing to admit that the film "wooden you" - a more or less still shot of one guy's face as he answers a series of more and more odd and uncomfortable questions - was strange or incomprehensible, or even dull. PAUL    There was even a certain hush in the theater from time to time - waiting to see if his response would be a lie. DONNA    How she talked Pinocchio into it, we'll never know.  On the other hand, if there's one thing Sherry's good at, it's getting folks to listen to her. PAUL    Sorry to miss your birthday by the way. DONNA    Eek! PAUL    I said I was sorry! DONNA    [warning] Voice over! PAUL    We were just getting back to the office, when-- MUSIC OUT DONNA    ixnay on the irthday-bay. PAUL    I- what? DONNA    I was hoping everyone forgot. PAUL    Oh.  Sorry, then, for that. SOUND    KEY IN LOCK, DOOR OPENS, A COUPLE OF STEPS CROWD    Surprise! PAUL    I didn't - what the - not my fault! DONNA    What? OFTHEGUARD    Didn't mean to startle you - your secretary let us in. DONNA    What? GOLDY    Sorry boss.  Bosses.  Who can say no to such a face? PAUL AND DONNA    Bosses? GOLDY    Try getting rid of me.  Besides, I make a mean cuppa joe! CLOSING

Is Google robbing us of the ability to think for ourselves?  Google is great when you need a fact. Like - which country exports the most octopus? China. How many pounds in a kilogram? 2.2.  Whaddaya call a vet who specializes in salamanders?  A herpetologist. Wonderful. Thank you Google. THE one question google is asked the most worldwide is this. Are you ready?  What is my IP Address. Now computer trouble-shooting makes sense. But for the life of Jeff, he can't figure out why you would ask google a question that begins with the words “Should I.”  Because that means you're entrusting your life to a machine. Yet millions and millions of times a day, people ask Google “Should I…” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

HELP SUPPORT NEW EPISODES! Patreon:  https://www.patreon.com/19Nocturne Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/a_d_infinitum   Next month (May 2022) will be one of the following (contact us through twitter or facebook or email to vote!): A.  Deadeye Kid prequel B.  Fatal Girl, season 2, episode 1 C.  Something else entirely Ko-fi votes count for every dollar donated!!!   TALK THE TALK Written by Julie Hoverson, sound mixing by Neil Gowland CAST Lydia Farnsworth - Julie Hoverson Thomas Farnsworth - JD Lauriat (Haunted House Flippers) Alice White - Shannon Perry (OZ-9) Phone - Pete Lutz (Narada Radio) Judge - Russell Gold Foreman - Jay Langejeans D.A. - Kerr Lordygan Guard - Jimmy Robbins Couch - Chris Hart Elevator - Cary Michael Ayers Lighter - Richard Hand Lamp - Boyd Barrett Sink - Blythe Renay Gun - Thomas Rippert Closet - Joe Griffin WHISPERS Erin Suminsby James C. Taylor Ruya Telhami Julie Hoverson David S. Dear Fiona Thraille   ***************************************************************     TALK THE TALK Cast: Olivia Lydia Farnsworth Thomas Farnsworth Alice White Judge Foreman D.A. Guard Phone Couch Elevator C Lighter Lamp Sink Gun Closet MUSIC OLIVIA Why, it's a courtroom, can't you tell? Where else would you find... a murderer? Scene 1. LYDIA [condescending, replying to a question] Lydia Farnsworth - Everyone here knows that. ... Yes, yes. ... I killed him. It was self-defense. He was planning to kill me. ... [hesitant, lying] An anonymous phone call. [narrating] Of course I can't say who told me - everyone would think I was utterly insane. When it started, Icouldn't even understand it, much less believe - how could I convince anyone else? MUSIC Scene 2. STING LYDIA [narrating] I know I am a joke. An older woman, rich and prominent, married to a much younger - well, a youngerman. And I'm not THAT old - 40 isn't really, and everyone says I look more like 35. But he looks 29 - which he is - so ... tongues will wag. SOUND Tom screams, long, distant and echoey. LYDIA Oh, that was later. Tom almost never screams. TOM [screams, but happily] Hey! SOUND ROULETTE WHEEL. TOM Didja see that? Boy oh boy, if I could bottle that! LYDIA [purring] You're a lucky man. TOM [interested] We-e-ell.... I guess I am. Hey Kitten, wanna help make a rich man poor again? MUSIC Scene 3. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] It was that moment that I fell for him. He didn't know who I was, but he wanted to give me a treat. I kept it up for a while, pretending to be just another secretary on vacation, not letting on. I felt so guilty, letting him pay for all those dinners, the gifts... TOM Kitten, this necklace is just aching to be around your neck. Hear it? [silly voice] Hey lady, take me home, I love you.... LYDIA [narrating, suddenly struck by something] Oh. [beat] No, no - never mind. TOM Don't you know that everything has a voice? Listen to the wind - it calls your name to me, telling me I gotta keep hold of you. Whattaya say, Kitten? Wanna make it permanent? MUSIC UNDER LYDIA [narrating, shaken] Yes, he DID say things like that - perhaps that was why... [beat] Tom worked late a lot - particularly after I told him I was - we were - wealthy. It was like he felt he had to make up for something. He never even introduced me to his family - just said he grew up dirt poor. I think he was ... ashamed. TOM [filter] Sorry, Kitten, but I gotta really burn some oil on this one. You understand, right? LYDIA Of course. [narrating] What else could I say, it was so sweet of him to worry. To want to make me proud. Scene 4. SOUND Candlestick phone hangs up. Footsteps walk away. PHONE [Male voice, filter] He's cheating on ya. LYDIA [panicked, slightly distant] What? Who? PHONE [filter] The husband. Tom. He calls HER all the time when you're out. You want her number? LYDIA Who is this? Where are you? PHONE [filter] Right over here, where I always am. LYDIA [getting more agitated] I don't see anyone! Is this some kind of game? SOUND Footsteps, hesitant, then dashing about. PHONE [filter] I wanted to show my appreciation, see, for not throwing me over when the new model came out - LYDIA What? Where are you? SOUND Door opens. LYDIA [muffled slightly] Hello? Where...? PHONE [filter] No one understands a classic any more. SOUND Door slams. LYDIA [sobbing] This is not funny! I don't know who you are, but you can just get out! PHONE [filter, very close] I'm right here. Look down. LYDIA [quavering] Wha-a-at? [relieved] Oh, the line must still be open. SOUND Candlestick phone picked up, taken off the hook, tap of cradle. LYDIA [loudly] This is not funny, whoever you are. I don't... SOUND Dial tone - continues in background until stated. LYDIA What...? PHONE [filter] I'm not ON your phone, lady. ... I AM your phone. SOUND Clatter of phone hitting floor, dial tone continues, but distant. PHONE [filter] Hey! I'm trying to help you here! LYDIA Nooo! SOUND Phone is kicked across floor. SOUND Dial tone stops. LYDIA [breathing hard] SOUND hesitant footsteps, continuing. PHONE [Unintelligible, distant whisper] LYDIA [whispered] How can you be talking? PHONE [whispered, wavering] Closer, come closer. LYDIA I'm... I'm sorry I kicked you. PHONE [moans, slightly closer] LYDIA Are you ... all right? PHONE [whispering] I gotta ... you need to hear this. SOUND Phone picked up from floor. LYDIA Yes, I'm listening. PHONE [shouting] Don't DO that! SOUND Phone hits floor again. MUSIC UNDER LYDIA [narrating, matter of fact] I felt so bad. But it wasn't hurt. They really built those old phones to last. And what it toldme...! PHONE Sunset 1-1-9-7. I don't know who she is, but what he says to her - whoo-wee. Scene 5. LYDIA [narrating] But how could I tell anyone? My PHONE spoke to me? I told THEM I got an anonymous call. And of course, the phone never used a name, so it wasn't precisely a LIE... TOM Kitten, I'm home! LYDIA Oh, yes. Tom. The phone line lothario. [calling away] Darling, was it a good meeting? TOM The best. [SOUND: KISS] Not better than coming home, though. LYDIA [neutral] Of course. TOM Oh, you're not mad, are you kitten? It's important that I do my time at the office, don't you see? Show everyone - show you - that I'm not just a... a... PHONE Gold digger. LYDIA What? TOM You know, a social climber. PHONE Gi-go-lo. LYDIA Did you hear that? TOM What? If it's the Joneses and their idiot record player again... LYDIA No. It's nothing. LYDIA [narrating] It wasn't nothing, of course. Soon, other supposedly inanimate objects began to have their little piece to say... Scene 6. SOUND water running SINK [cheery] Almost out of soap! And my drain will clog if you don't stop him from washing down his coffee grounds! LYDIA Him? SINK [significant, like a hint] Him. LYDIA [narrating] After the initial shock wore off, it was so EASY to listen. SOUND Click of light being turned on. LAMP [high squeaky voice] On! Better? LYDIA [startled] What? LAMP Are you going to read? Knit maybe? HE likes the dark. Especially when she's here. SOUND Light switched off. LAMP [voice now low] Off. Yep. Just like that. LYDIA [narrating] At first I thought I was crazy, but then I realized - if I was crazy, how could I know all the things they were telling me? SOUND plumping up pillows COUCH [seedy voice, out the corner of the mouth] I know who she is. SOUND Plumping stops, Lydiasits on couch. COUCH Hey, I didn't ask you to sit on me! LYDIA Oh! Who is she? COUCH I would recognize her from behind better, if you catch my drift... LYDIA You mean she actually sat on you - I mean on MY COUCH? COUCH You don't have to rub it in. LYDIA [narrating] I had to have it out with her. I COULDN'T just let this - this farce - go on, right under my nose and behind my back! PHONE Sunset 1-1-9-7? You got it. SOUND Phone dials. LYDIA What'll I say? PHONE I could tell you what HE says... SOUND Phone picks up. LYDIA Shut up! ALICE [filter] Well! SOUND Slams phone down. LYDIA This is hopeless. How can I find a person from her phone number? PHONE All you need is a good story. COUCH [off mike] I know a couple of good stories... PHONE & LYDIA Shut UP! LAMP [high squeaky voice] You tell 'em! Scene 7. SOUND Phone is dialed. Picked up. ALICE [filter] Hello? LYDIA [brisk, but clearly reading] Telegram for Sunset 1-1-9-7 - May I have your name please? ALICE [filter] White. Alice White. [concerned] A telegram? LYDIA Good. Miss White, can you confirm your address, in case we need to forward a copy to your home? ALICE [filter] What's the message? LYDIA I have to confirm your address, miss. The message is marked urgent. ALICE [filter, more worried] 24 Topham drive, floor 6. Now what-? SOUND phone hangs up. LYDIA & PHONE collapse into giggles. COUCH & LAMP laugh too. SINK [far off mike] What? What's so funny? MUSIC Scene 8. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] I went. I had to. I needed to see this cuckoo's egg. Alice White. What a name - plebian, that's what I call it. Strictly middle class. AND the elevator was broken in her building. SOUND Buzzer, door opens. LYDIA Alice- ALICE [friendly] -- White. And you? LYDIA [narrating] She was horrible. Horribly perfect - buttermilk complexion, flaxen hair... She should have been a dairymaid in one of those travel posters for Holland or Sweden - one of those places with dirndls and windmills and tulips. ALICE Can I help you? LYDIA [narrating] At least I had my story straight this time - my phone is VERY handy with a lie. [to Alice] I am here seeking donations to the Mid-Town Orphanage. Can you spare anything? [Narrating] From the looks of her - the threadbare, out of fashion dress, the tatty carpet in the hall, she was sure to laugh in my face- ALICE Oh, gosh... [going away] I'm sure I've got something. Hmm... here! [coming back] Can you maybe use this? LYDIA [numb] A lighter? ALICE I think it's real gold, and I don't smoke. I couldn't think what to do with it. LYDIA Won't... your husband... be annoyed? ALICE [giggles] Got none. Not yet. It was sort of a present - kind of like for emergency money, but I'd feel bad just selling it or throwing it out, but this sounds like a real good cause. LYDIA [narrating] I walked away with the gold lighter in my hand - the gold lighter I GAVE him for our honeymoon... LIGHTER [British accent] I say, don't I know you? LYDIA [narrating] I waited until we were alone. [to lighter, whispered] How did you get THERE? LIGHTER [whispering] Oh, this is jolly exciting, just like Scotland Yard... LYDIA Answer me! LIGHTER If you must take that tone! Young Thomas gifted me to her. I see almost as much of him here as I ever saw in his flat. LYDIA MY flat. LIGHTER Oh, like that is it? Well well well... MUSIC Scene 9. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] It was all true. And she was so darned NICE I couldn't even hate her. Just HIM. I felt like a character in a bad drama - the cheated wife. So alone... But I wasn't alone, you see. I had all of THEM. SOUND Door shuts, footsteps. LYDIA [off mike] Dear? Are you home? SOUND phone hanging up. TOM [on mike] You bet, Kitten! LYDIA Oh, good. I was afraid you'd forgotten-- PHONE You asked me to let you know if anything interesting happened? LYDIA ...our anniversary? PHONE He was just talking to ... HER. TOM Now what kind of a husband would that make me? PHONE A heel. [admonishing] On your anniversary. LYDIA [shaky] I need to ... to powder my... SOUND footsteps running away TOM Hunh. Women. PHONE You can say that again. SOUND door slams. NEW SCENE_9.5 LYDIA [crying] Oh, Tom! CLOSET Psst, over here. LYDIA What? Over where, Who is--? CLOSET I'm the one with the suits hanging in my rear, whaddaya think? LYDIA [sighs] Oh. [sniffs] SOUND footsteps LYDIA [weakly] Yes? CLOSET Check the top shelf. [annoyed] On his side! SOUND door opens. Boxes shift. Something metal is picked up. LYDIA A gun? When did Tom get a gun? TOM [off mike, muffled] Kitten, honey? We need to get shuffling. Are you powdered enough yet? LYDIA [calling] Almost! [whispered] When? Tell me! CLOSET What am I, a calendar? I don't know dates from donuts. LYDIA [frustrated noise] CLOSET But what I DO know is that that piece of hardware wasn't in me until... yesterday. LYDIA Yesterday? TOM [muffled, off mike] Kitten? I'm coming in! LYDIA Don't you dare! SOUND doorknob rattles, Lydia's running footsteps, door slams shut. LYDIA I'm - I'm wrapping your present, darling. You've got to give me a moment. TOM [pleased] Ohhhh. All right, I can wait. I hope it's a lighter - I've only been hinting ever since I lost that great one you gave me before. SOUND Gun cocks. LYDIA [muttered] I should give him the same one - see how he laughs at that. SOUND Footsteps back to closet. Boxes shift. LYDIA I think it was ... [grunt of effort] about there. GUN HEY!!! What are you, crazy? Never leave me lying around cocked! I could go off! MUSIC Scene 10. STING LYDIA [narrating] I thought about it for a long time. About the gun. About what it meant - being in Tom's closet and all. And I wondered if he could possibly be planning what I might think he was planning.... Even if he did intend to kill me, could I do something about it? Get him before he got me? I LOVED Tom. And he'd always been so sweet... PHONE Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. What you need is gumption, sweetheart. LYDIA Just because he's cheating doesn't mean he's planning to ... to-- PHONE To buy a gun? Too late. What else do you think he's NOT planning to do? LYDIA He wouldn't - couldn't - hurt me. Any more than I could hurt him-- SOUND door opens TOM Oh, hi! [puzzled] Hello? Kitten, who're you talking to? LYDIA [easily] Just the phone, dear. SOUND short smooch. LYDIA [narrating] I was getting rather good at lying. Almost as good as the phone - now, THERE was a champion. I guess it came from hearing all those lies... All the time. TOM [talking on phone] Bob? Listen, it's me, Tom Farnsworth. Yes, from Farnsworth & Wilson. Now, we need to talk... PHONE [over Tom, whispered] Funny, Bob's usually a fella's name... LYDIA [reacts] PHONE He's getting worse. You need to DO something. TOM [continues under Phone] Yes, that's right - tomorrow for lunch. ... Dinner instead? I think I can... Let me just check. [to Lydia] Kitten, can you spare me for dinner tomorrow? Big client... LYDIA [long beat] Of course. Dear. I have someone I really need to talk to anyway. [narrating] The next night, I knew where to find him. Unfortunately, I couldn't take any of my ... friends ... with me - except the lighter, and that accent was getting on my nerves. LIGHTER I say! Scene 11. LYDIA [snorts] But when you're like me, there's always someone around to answer questions... ELEVATOR ...about five minutes ago? Yeah, I know the guy. He's a regular. Sometimes I even take him up. LYDIA Are you working today? ELEVATOR [huffy] Whaddaya mean? I'm always working! LYDIA But the sign... ELEVATOR The super puts the sign up to save electricity - cheapskate. Now, if youknow how to run me up... LYDIA [deflated] I'm not sure... ELEVATOR Step in, it's pretty much automatic. SOUND elevator gate slides open ELEVATOR See the button there.... MUSIC UNDER LYDIA It's funny how every THING I ever talked to wanted to be so helpful, when all the people around me weren't. The elevator even gave me a little tip... ELEVATOR That little knob right there - that's what keeps the door shut when I'm not around. The spring pushes it out - and then, when I come up, it gets pushed in, and voila...! You don't want the door comin' open up here when I'm in the basement, eh? LYDIA Oh, no. SOUND DISTANT BELL. ELEVATOR Whoops! That's me. Would ya' get the door? I gotta go, sweetheart. LYDIA Oh? Oh, certainly. SOUND ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSES. LYDIA I crept down the hall, ever so quiet. SOUND door opens TOM [off] ...right back - just need - [on mike] Oh. Lydia. LYDIA [deep breath] You needn't worry. I'm leaving. SOUND Sharp footsteps TOM Lydia. Kitten. It's not what you think! SOUND Tom's footsteps rush to catch up to her. LYDIA Stay away from me, Tom. TOM Just stop! LYDIA [reacts as Tom grabs her] Uh! Let go of me! SOUND Slight struggle. Lydia's footsteps running. LYDIA I had only one chance...I ran for the elevator. But the gate wouldn't open! I pushed and pushed-- SOUND Elevator door opens. Lydia's footsteps stop, Tom's footsteps catch up. TOM Let me-- LYDIA No! Let go! [sound of exertion, pushing him away] SOUND Tom's footsteps stagger, then... LYDIA Oh, no! It's NOT--! TOM [screams as he did at beginning] LYDIA And that was that. I tried to stop him from going over. At least I think I did, but it WAS my fault. ALICE [coming on mike, breathless] What...? Where's Tom? You're that lady-- LYDIA Tom? He's MY husband! How dare you-- ALICE [panicking] What have you done to Tom? Where's my brother? MUSIC Scene 12. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] And that's why I'm here. If he was cheating on me, I would have fought harder. Could have gotten away. But the look on that girl's face... My own sister-in-law. TOM [screams again] LYDIA Yes, and poor Tom. SOUND Gavel hits twice D.A. Your name please? LYDIA [condescending] Lydia Farnsworth - Everyone here knows that. D.A. And you are testifying in your own behalf of your own free will? LYDIA [testy] Yes, yes. D.A. You are on trial for the murder of your husband, Tom Farns- LYDIA I killed him. It was self-defense. I thought he was planning to kill me. D.A. What led you to think your husband had such designs? LYDIA [hesitant, lying] An anonymous phone call. [narrating] I suppose I could have admitted everything, made a plea for mercy on the grounds of insanity, but I-- TOM [screams again] LYDIA [narrating] I simply couldn't get Tom out of my head. I don't know how all these murderers do it, just kill people and walk away. SOUND Gavel bangs JUDGE Has the jury reached a verdict? FOREMAN We find the defendant ... guilty. LYDIA [resigned] I was relieved, actually. I believed I could face anything, since I would never really be alone. Even the judge's gavel had a kind word. ...Though not the judge. JUDGE For your heinous crimes, I hereby sentence you to death. CROWD [Reaction, gasps] MUSIC Scene 13. STING LYDIA I suppose it was only right - and I really had no reason to go on living, without [SOUND: same scream] Tom. Funny how I look back and see how badly mistaken we all were. It's far too easy to blow things right out of proportion. SOUND footsteps, cutlery set on plate. GUARD You done with that? LYDIA Yes, thank you. It was ... surprisingly tasty. GUARD It's time, then. Come on. SOUND jail door opens, footsteps slowly walk. VOICES [Whispers begin comforting at the start, build.] LYDIA [whispered] Thank you. Thank you all so much. GUARD What? LYDIA Nothing. [narrating] Everything is so encouraging, telling me how brave I am. I'm not brave, really, just ... just tired. GUARD Stop. SOUND KEYS JINGLE. LYDIA Such a relief, really. And then... I'll be with Tom. SOUND LOCK UNLOCKS. Scene 14. WHISPERS [fade out] LYDIA I didn't notice it immediately. My mind was miles away, thinking about how I would make it up to him - he'd certainly understand, about how it was really an accident and all. SOUND SQUEAKY DOORKNOB TURNS. LYDIA But the voices were gone. Even when I closed my eyes and concentrated, there was nothing. It left me feeling ... very ... alone. Oh, well, it wouldn't be for long. SOUND [DISTANT, OFF MIKE] PHONE RINGS. GUARD Stay here. LYDIA What? Of course. I've nowhere to go. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, phone picked up LYDIA Once I rejoined Tom, everything would be all right. I wouldn't NEED them - my friends - any more. Just him. GUARD [behind and under Lydia] Yeah? Who? LYDIA That's why I let it get this far. Fired my lawyer. Made no defense. Admitted everything. GUARD [behind and under] Uh-huh? Got it. LYDIA Just to bring me to this moment. And I wasn't afraid - no matter what this room, this horrible room, might have to say, I was ready. SOUND FOOTSTEPS COME BACK LYDIA And it wouldn't take long. Not long at all, they say. And then, [happy sigh] Tom. GUARD Come on. SOUND KEYS JINGLE LYDIA Well, it's about time. Isn't everyone waiting? GUARD [beat] Not any more, lady. SOUND LOCKING DOOR LYDIA You're an idiot. Open this door. GUARD I may be an idiot, but you're a loon. [beat] That was the governor. You've been commuted. Come on back... LYDIA [gasp, then sharp] Don't talk nonsense. [plaintive, ending in a wail] No! I can't be left all alone! You simply have to kill me! MUSIC  

"Whaddaya mean you don't tip?" After a two week break, we're back this week to discuss Quentin Tarantino's feature-length film debut, Reservoir Dogs. Thanks as always for lisenting and be sure to rate, review, and subscribe!Twitter: @didimisspod

What can it mean when a man knows the exact date and time he's going to die?  And what does THAT mean to the people he hires to save him? Cast List Rena - Julie Hoverson Matilda - Kate Waterous Fred Quarry - Carl Cubbedge "Bud" - Anthony D.P. Mann (Horror Etc. Podcast) Infernique - Julia Belyea Ma - Angela Kirby Music by:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a bar parking lot, can't you tell?" ************************************************ FORCE MAJEURE Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Rena Matilda Fred Quarry, fat male comedian Beelzebud Infernique Ma OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a parking lot of a low life honky tonk, can't you tell?  MUSIC SOUND     DISTANT TRAFFIC, MUFFLED VERY LOUD MUSIC SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN, MUSIC GETS LOUDER, SOUND OF A FIGHT SOUND    DOOR SLAMS, FOOTSTEPS SET OUT ACROSS PARKING LOT SOUND    DOOR QUICKLY OPENS AND SHUTS, SECOND PAIR OF FEET SCUTTLE AFTER FIRST QUARRY    [coming on]  Come on!  I'm sorry about that!  I really needed to know if you're as good as you're hyped up to be. RENA    [Snort]  QUARRY     I - I need some help here!  there's no place else I can turn.  RENA    [low uninflected growl] Bite me. SOUND    DOOT_DOOT OF CAR DOOR REMOTE SOUND    QUARRY'S FEET STOP QUARRY    I - I'm about to be murdered. SOUND    RENA'S FOOTSTEPS HESITATE JUST A SECOND, THEN CONTINUE. SOUND    CAR DOOR YANKED OPEN SOUND    QUARRY'S FEET NERVOUSLY DASH FORWARD QUARRY    No one will take me seriously - my agent, my wife.  Certainly not the police. RENA    [quiet] Big surprise. SOUND     THE CAR SQUEAKS AS SHE CLIMBS IN. QUARRY    [beginning to squeal] I'm desperate here!  Can't you just listen?  SOUND    DOOR SLAMS QUARRY    [squeaks as the door almost catches him] SOUND    RUSTLE OF PAPER QUARRY    I've got money!  If this isn't enough, I'll write you a bigger one!  Whatever you want! SOUND    CHECK SLAPPED FLAT AGAINST THE WINDOW SOUND    INSIDE THE CAR, NO NIGHT NOISES.  QUARRY'S VOICE IS VERY MUTED QUARRY    Anything! RENA    [sighs] SOUND    BUTTON PUSHED, WINDOW COMES DOWN, PAPER SNATCHED RENA    Get in. SOUND    THE DOOR LOCKS CLICK. MUSIC    JAZZ, UP AND THEN UNDER AS IT PLAYS ON THE CAR STEREO. SOUND    STARTS DRIVING AS THEY TALK RENA    What if this guy that's got you wee-ing yourself gets you while I'm out looking for him? QUARRY    He's...he's not gonna kill me 'til Saturday. RENA    He sent an itinerary? QUARRY    [very evasive]  It was all in the note. RENA    [skeptical]  But you believe him? QUARRY    Where are we going? RENA    We're just going.  [beat]  Why's he after you? QUARRY    Why?  I mean why does anyone do something wacko?  He probably just wants to be famous. RENA    And killing you would make him famous. QUARRY    [duh] Well, yeah. RENA    Why? QUARRY    Don't you - you don't... know who I am?  I'm Fred Quarry!  I told you that back in the bar. RENA    I was a little busy fighting off your thug.  QUARRY    The Fred Quarry - you know, with the sitcom, and the late night talk show? RENA    I don't watch much. QUARRY    I was on the cover of T.V. Guide twice last year - don'tcha shop at supermarkets? RENA    [still flat] Oh, THAT Fred Quarry. QUARRY    That's what I've been saying.  I'm famous.  Even you must have heard someone say- [catchphrase>] "No!  Reeeeally?" RENA    No.  Really. MUSIC SOUND    COMPUTER NOISES [MAT] CLEANING A GUN [RENA] MATILDA    You buy it? RENA    He's hiding something.  MATILDA    Most people are. RENA    Not me. MATILDA    But you're a robot. [beat]  Oh, come on. RENA    It wasn't funny when when we were kids, and it's not funny now. MATILDA    [sigh] Fine.  What now? RENA    You find anything on Quarry? MATILDA    He's actually pretty clean, for a hollywood bigshot.  Meteoric rise to fame, starring roles, gonna be roasted on comedy central. RENA    If this guy doesn't roast him first. SOUND    SLAPS THE SLIDE BACK INTO THE GUN MUSIC AMB    CAFE QUARRY    Nothing? RENA    Nothing. Your guy's in the wind. Invisible. QUARRY    [dreadful revelation] Of course... RENA    What? QUARRY    He... well... [gasp, then panicking] Oh crap!  Oh CRAP! SOUND    TRYING TO SQUEEZE OUT OF THE BOOTH AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE SOUND    DOOR OPENS, BELL JINGLES RENA    What's up? QUARRY    He said not until Saturday!!! RENA    [calm and dangerous] He won't do anything here. QUARRY    You don't know that!  Shit shit SHIT shit shit. RENA    I won't let anything happen - we have an agreement-- QUARRY    [squeals] SOUND    HE FALLS OUT ONTO THE FLOOR SOUND    FEET WALK UP AND STOP RENA    Are you supposed to be someone famous too?  Or just a goomba hit man? BUD    [affable] What could my pal here be telling you?  He's a little sensitive, ya know?  A little... over-imaginative.  All good entertainers are.  [dangerous] Arentcha? QUARRY    [mumbled] Go away. BUD    [tsks]  You're just undignified on the floor like that. SOUND    CHAIR PULLS UP, BUD SITS BUD    Want a hand? QUARRY    [squeal] SOUND    TRYING TO SCUTTLE AWAY RENA    What are your plans? BUD    Plans?  Just breakfast here with friends. SOUND    MENU FLAPS BUD    [pretending to read] What's good here? RENA    For Fred. BUD    Him?  They gotta low-cal menu?  RENA    I mean-- BUD    [exasperated sigh] Look sweetheart, drop this.  Whatever Fred here's told you, it ain't like that at all.  [serious] This ain't a game you can win. QUARRY    [whining]  You said Saturday.  You shouldn't be here. RENA    What is it, then? BUD    [chuckles]  Ask your boy about his contract. QUARRY    [high whine] MUSIC MATILDA    And then he just left? RENA    Yup.  But he dropped this. SOUND    SLAP OF PLASTIC CARD ON TABLE MATILDA    Oh, please - how transparent.  Either he's an idiot or he's setting up a meet. RENA    Too early to tell. MATILDA    [musing] But he didn't deny anything.  Hmm.  Did I get everything on the description? SOUND    COMPUTER KEYS MATILDA    [reading]  5'6, narrow face, dark hair - slightly receding, crooked teeth, wiry, but looks tough? RENA    Yup. MATILDA    Looks something like this? RENA    [leans in]  Yeah.  Not the guy, but that same kind of look. MATILDA    Great.  So we're hunting Steve Buscemi in a pale green leisure suit. MUSIC SOUND    HOTEL KEY CARD, DOOR OPENS SURREPTITIOUSLY SOUND    QUIET FOOTSTEPS SOUND    LIGHT SWITCH BUD    Hiya. RENA    [disgusted noise, then resigned]  My sister says-- BUD    [chuckles] Yeah?  Well, I ain't an idiot.  C'mon in. RENA    [disturbed, suspicious] Yeah. SOUND    DOOR SHUTS BUD    You wanna drink?  The mini-bar ain't world class, but... it's on me. RENA    I wouldn't drink anything "on you." BUD    [ouch noise] Brass tacks, then.  You want to know why you should drop whiny boy's case?  Try this. SOUND    FLIPS OUT BUSINESS CARD RENA    "Beelzebud - Recruitment - F-M-C"? SOUND    FLASH FLAME RENA    [gasps, blows on fingers] Beelze-what?  BUD    Just call me Bud.  I hate being mistaken for that other guy.  It's not like I'm Joe Estevez.  [beat]  Frank Stallone? RENA    [she's not getting the joke] Nice card.  Flashpaper? BUD    [disgusted sigh]  All right-- [voice begins to change]  How plain do I have to make this?  Tell your sister [raises his voice] or is she listening right now? RENA    [gasp] MATILDA    [filter, quiet] What the--? BUD    [still raised] Get on the internet and look up demons.  [voice very demonic]  There's a particularly good Web site at www dot legion dot H-E-L, but I'm not sure you can access it.  [coming back to normal] It ain't exactly ... user friendly.  And god knows it ain't Vista compatible. RENA    [flat, unbelieving] You're a demon? BUD    [sigh] Whaddaya want, horns?  That's such a drag - always having to fix my hair again once I get done showing off.  RENA    Yeah, that's a lot of grease to reapply. BUD    [long intake of breath, then sucks his teeth]  I like you.  You don't scare.  [beat] You guess my interest in Freddy boy yet?  How bout you phone a friend - eh, sis? MATILDA    [filter, getting it] A contract. RENA    A contract...? BUD    Bingo.  I held up my end, and now he wants to welsh.  So who's really in the wrong?  'Sides, there's nothing you can do - I get his life.  One way or another, Quarry's gonna die.  He might slip in the shower, choke on a herringbone, or have a turtle drop out of the freakin' sky on his head - but he will die.  I don't even gotta be there. MUSIC SOUND    POUNDING ON A DOOR QUARRY    [squeak] SOUND    CHAIN LOCK OFF, STARTS TO OPEN DOOR, BUT IT SLAMS OPEN ON HIM QUARRY    [Starts to scream, is muffled] SOUND    DOOR SLAMS SOUND    BODY UP AGAINST WALL RENA    I believe this is yours. SOUND    BUNCH OF PAPER FLIPPED OUT ALL OVER FLOOR QUARRY    [squinched up] You said you don't give refunds. RENA    I'm making an exception.  You're lucky I don't feel like breaking my "I don't beat the crap out of my employers" rule, too. SOUND    CRUMPLING MONEY QUARRY    [crying piteously] Look at me - oodles of money, married to a supermodel, top of the world - and it's all ashes. RENA    You made your own bed. QUARRY    [getting a bit tough]  So I don't wanna die - is that so wrong? RENA    Everyone dies. QUARRY    But me - I'm gonna die day after tomorrow!!!  And you won't even help!  RENA    Does the word "demon" ring a bell? QUARRY    Wouldya have believed me?  I don't think so. RENA    [mocking his catchphrase] No.  Reeeeally? MUSIC SOUND    DRIVING IN A CAR MATILDA    [on filter]  Too bad.  He is Fred Quarry. RENA    I still don't care.  He's a weasely little shmuck. MATILDA    Too bad you didn't keep the check - once he's dead, that signature'll be worth big bucks. RENA    Oh, please. MATILDA    I have the soul of a collector. RENA    And the taste of a crazy cat lady. MATILDA    [huffy] I have never tasted a crazy cat lady in my life. RENA    [snort, almost a chuckle] MUSIC SOUND    SNORING [rena] SOUND    PHONE RINGS SOUND    FUMBLING FOR PHONE, PICKS UP RENA    [barely awake] What? BUD    [filter] Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, eh? RENA    Yup.  Thanks for calling. SOUND    STARTS TO FUMBLE PHONE BACK BUD    [filter, getting smaller] Wait-wait-wait!  Should I call back after you have some coffee?  Lithium? RENA    [sigh]  Speak. BUD    [filter] This ain't exactly something I wanna discuss over the phone. RENA    Where? MUSIC SOUND    PARK AMB SOUND    FEET ON GRAVEL RENA    So? BUD    Your sister on the line?  RENA    Yeah.  BUD    Where? RENA    Where what?   She's at our office. BUD    She always is, isn't she?  She don't get out much.  I mean where's the mike? RENA    Does it matter? BUD    I don't like being bugged. RENA    I can always leave. BUD    No, no.  Well, if she's gonna be part of this deeply personal conversation - introduce us, wouldja? RENA    Matilda.  Bud.  Happy? BUD    Thrilled.  And you? RENA    I'm thrilled too. BUD    Your name.  You know mine. RENA    I've already forgotten it. BUD    Bud. RENA    Rena.   You're lucky I'm not charging by the minute. BUD    Fine.  I gotta trade for ya - I leave your boy sucking air, and you do something for me. RENA    He's not my boy.  BUD    Well.... see if you can get back on the payroll, and take him for as much as you can get.  [sigh] I wouldn't even consider any of this but you don't strike me like someone who's gonna laugh me out. MATILDA    [filter, quiet]  Wow, finally your lack of a sense of humor actually comes in handy. BUD    [uncomfortable] See, I ain't had a date in a really long time-- RENA    Not interested. SOUND    STARTS TO WALK AWAY.  MATILDA    [filter, quiet]  I might be.  I loved Fargo. BUD    [demonic voice] LISTEN. SOUND    FEET STOP BUD    No offense to you, sweet cheeks, but dating a human is like having a freaking hamster for a pet.  Cute and cuddly, but the relationship has the lifespan of about a week.  [lighter]  Besides that wheel just gets on your freakin' nerves.  [laughs] RENA     That "funny". How's that working for you? BUD    I'm an acquired taste.  So... [long breath] I spotted another demon.  A real looker.  Last night at a club.  Dark hair, sleek body...  RENA    Do I look like a yenta? BUD    [urgent] Find out who she is and get me a date. RENA    A... date? BUD    Yeah, a date - I don't mean you gotta guarantee "va-va-voom" or nothing, just get her to go out with me.  If I can't take it from there, well... that's my problem. RENA    And Quarry goes free. BUD    Well... Instead of death, I can settle for total ruination.  People come back from worse every day.  Look at Rob Lowe.  Marion Barry? MATILDA    I'll call Fred! MUSIC SOUND    OUTSIDE, APPROACHING A NIGHTCLUB RENA    [musing] Goblin and the Trolls - Delightful.  Bad sixties rehash or cheez metal? MATILDA    Give me a second. RENA    It was rhetorical. MATILDA    Cheez. RENA    What? MATILDA    The band.  They sound like Gwar without the bodily fluids. RENA    Woo.  This better work.  How do I turn it on? SOUND    BOX OPENS; CHIMEY HUM, MUTED - GETS LOUDER AS SHE GOES THROUGH THE DOOR.  MUSIC IS PLAYING MATILDA    Dunno - Bud just said that crystal would lead you to--  Oh, jeez. RENA    What? SOUND    CHIMEY THING GETS LOUDER. MATILDA    Feedback.  Call when you turn it off. SOUND    MATILDA OUT RENA    Oh, goody. MUSIC MUSIC MUTES WITH THE SHUTTING OF A DOOR SOUND    SINK RUNS, THEN STOPS. SOUND    LIPSTICK OPENS. SOUND    PAPER TOWELS RENA    [very uncomfortable] Hi. INFERNIQUE    It's not your color. RENA    No, I-- INFERNIQUE    Weren't you asking to borrow my lipstick? RENA    No, I-- INFERNIQUE    Then... [smacks lips] No, I'm not into chicks. RENA    No!  I-- INFERNIQUE    [sigh] What, then? RENA    [fumbling, flustered]  This is going to sound... well, like something out of junior high school. INFERNIQUE    Dissection? RENA    I have a sort of a ...friend who wants me to tell you that he thinks you're ... attractive - and he wants me to - he wants to ... ask you out. INFERNIQUE    And he's what ... shy? RENA    No, he's one of - your kind.  He saw you here last night-- INFERNIQUE    That iguana in the leisure suit?  I don't think so. SOUND    BUSINESS CARD SLAPPED ONTO COUNTER RENA    Just in case, here's my-- SOUND    BODY SLAMMED UP AGAINST WALL RENA     [gasp] INFERNIQUE    [suddenly intense] Don't try to set me up, bait.  I happen to be honest.  If you're some kind of half-ass demon-hunter, you can bite me, [demonic whisper] and I don't mean in the nice way.  SOUND    MUSIC STARTS SOUND    BODY SLAMMED BACK INTO WALL INFERNIQUE    Gotta go, sweetheart - my boys are on. MUSIC SOUND    CAR DOOR SLAMS SHUT, SMACK TO STEERING WHEEL RENA    I hate bitches.  SOUND    PUNCHING BUTTONS ON A CELLPHONE RENA    Especially DEMON bitches. BUD    I take it the date's off? SOUND    PHONE FALLS TO FLOOR, STILL RINGING RENA    [completely surprised]  What the crap?  How'd you get into my-- BUD    "Demon"? RENA    Right.  That.  MATILDA    [filter] What's up?  Hang up your phone. RENA    It's on the floor.  Yes, she wouldn't go for it.  BUD    Figures.  Classy deme like that.  [sigh]  It was worth a try.  I owe you something. RENA    No thanks. BUD    Nonsense.  I always pay up.  How about a new car or something? RENA    Answer some questions. BUD    If I can - some things man ain't meant to know. RENA    This demon bitch said she's "honest"?  BUD    So? RENA    The way she said it, it seems like it meant something ... more. BUD    [trying to decide] Hmm.  Yeah, you can know that.  Ok, I think your basic problem here is that you're thinking demons are the enemies of god, right? RENA    Go on. BUD    See, what you're forgetting is that in a big business, the janitors work for the same boss as the executives.  Get me? MATILDA    [filter] Interesting. RENA    No. BUD    God made folks able to choose right from wrong.  He wants 'em to choose, right, sure, but if wrong ain't enticing, it ain't a fair test.  MATILDA    [filter] Makes sense. BUD     So, you get a bunch of mooks like me running around tempting people.  If they're good clean folks who would rather do the right thing, then they just don't take us up on it.  Otherwise... MATILDA    [filter] Sort of like if chocolate tasted like celery, we'd all be a size 8. RENA    Matilda says-- BUD    Skip the replay - I can hear her. RENA    So, "Honest"? BUD    Right, um.  We have rules.  We don't lie to make a deal - we omit everything under the sun, but can't tell an actual untruth.  We can only offer stuff, in return for... stuff.  We can't threaten folks - you know, say something like "if you don't sign, we'll kill your dog", y'know?  [joking] And it's murder if you pull out the red-hot pokers. MATILDA    [filter] So why hasn't he - sorry, why haven't you - tried to tempt us? BUD    You're not my type.  Uh, no offense - my department is fat male comedians.  You may have seen some of my work. MATILDA    [filter] Really?  Like John Belushi?  John Candy?  [ghoulish] Fatty Arbuckle?  BUD    Far be it from me to name names, but let's just say how else would Tommy Boy and Black Sheep both get made? MATILDA    [filter] Wow.  So what do you... do? BUD    Actually, not much.  I mean, the way I roll is I don't make talentless gobs into stars - much easier to scout the ones who actually have what it takes but no luck, catch 'em at a low point, and scoop them and their haagen dasz up like sand on the beach.  Do a little work - pretty much like any other agent - and reap the rewards. RENA    You're a shit. BUD    Pretty much like any other agent.  RENA    Your percentage is a little high. BUD    Look, babe.  It's my job.  It may be a crap job, but I'm good at it.  Always in the black.  And you don't want to run over on these kinds of projects - the accounting department - whew!  I mean, you wanna see bureacracy, go to hell. MATILDA    [filter]  But you could - decide not to kill Quarry? BUD    Well, it seems like a wash now, but yeah - I gotta little discretion.  Won't be a gold star on my record, but I stay ahead enough - basically he'd be a small loss, like losing money for a tax writeoff.  MUSIC SOUND    RUSTLE OF PAPER, EATING NOISES SOUND    TV, COMPUTER, PLAYS IN BG MATILDA    [around food]  Hold on, um, here-- SOUND    REMOTE CLICKS, T.V. SOUND UP QUARRY    [on T.V.]  No, Reeeally? SOUND    [on T.V.]  MUSIC CUTS TO COMMERCIAL, SOUND DOWN RENA    He's still an idiot. MATILDA    You don't feel sorry for him?  At all? RENA    Right.  Next I can feel sorry for the chain smoker who's going through cancer and the gangbanger who gets caught in a drive by.  Let's just help everyone. MATILDA    [tsks] SOUND    KNOCKING AT THE DOOR RENA    Got it. SOUND    CREAK OF CHAIR, FOOTSTEPS, LITTLE METAL PEEPHOLE DOOR RENA    What? QUARRY    [outside] Can we talk? RENA    [disgusted sigh, calls over her shoulder]  Incoming! SOUND    SEVERAL LOCKS UNLOCK, DOOR OPENS QUARRY    [coming in] I brought someone to talk to you.  Maybe it'll help. MA    [old and feeble] Hi. RENA    I thought she was a supermodel. QUARRY    Huh?  MA    You're thinking of Divana, his wife.  I'm his mother. MATILDA    Is that--?  [laughs]  No, Reeeally? QUARRY    [disconcerted] Uh, who's that? RENA    My sister.  She's a big fan. MA    [quiet] Oh. QUARRY    You stay here, ma, and talk to this nice lady, I'll go sign an autograph or something. MA    Um. [quietly] So, you're a friend of Fred's? RENA    No.  MA    Oh, uh - Fred's such a nice boy.  He paid off my mortgage. RENA    Good for you. MA    And he even bought me a new hip.   You should really help with whatever-- MATILDA    [from off] Oh my god!  Is that Mamma Farnaby?  Bring her on over! MA    [losing the cutesy old lady]  Oh, Crap. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS, KICKING A BAG ASIDE RENA    You know her? QUARRY    [mumbled]  She's my... mom. MATILDA    She plays his mother on the show. MA    I tried. MATILDA    Come on over, I gotta get your autograph too! MUSIC SOUND    CAR DOOR CLOSES, KEYS INTO IGNITION RENA    [talking to Mat] Yes, I got them.  Um-hmm, The frosted kind, not the glazed-- INFERNIQUE    [pointed sigh] RENA    Oh, I should have mentioned the black-eyed bitch in the back seat.  Why are you here? INFERNIQUE    To make a deal. RENA    How'd you find me? INFERIQUE    You left me your card. RENA    Funny how that connects up to catching me in the car at the grocery store. INFERNIQUE    I'm here to make a deal.  A one time offer. RENA    Deal? INFERNIQUE    I will go to [disgusted] karaoke, or miniature golf, or whatever appeals to your... [slur] friend.  But you have to do something for me. RENA    I'm listening? INFERNIQUE    I've run a bit over budget for my "current project".  You do understand what I'm talking about? RENA    I've got the basics.  Hell.  Bureaucracy.  Budgets. INFERNIQUE    Good.  My current client is the "singer" for that ...band.  RENA    I'm sorry. INFERNIQUE    And I need someone to kill him. RENA    [beat, but still even] Isn't that... cheating?  INFERNIQUE    Don't ask.  Don't tell.  MUSIC SOUND    LOCKS UNLOCK, DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS [laughter] SOUND    TV PAUSES RENA    [coming in] They only had a dozen-- oh. MATILDA    [off] There won't be enough to go around. QUARRY    [off] What'dja bring? MA    [off] I'm off grains anyway. SOUND    FEET RENA    I take it you weren't on the cans the whole time I was gone? MATILDA    [sharp]  What?  You said you got the frosted ones, then hung up. RENA    Shit.  Get your ears on.  I'll step outside. QUARRY    [eager] We could - you know - leave. MA    I do have a rolfing session at 5. MATILDA    Oh, all right.  Come back sometime, ya hear? SOUND    FOOTSTEPS MATILDA    [calling]  Bye!  Thanx again for hanging out! MA    Bye, dear. MATILDA    Give me one, willya? RENA    [beat] She means you. QUARRY    Right. [deep breath, then in character] No, Reeeaally? MATILDA     [laughs delightedly]  Yay! SOUND    DOOR SHUTS, BUT PEEPHOLE DOOR OPENS RENA    [talking loudly]  It was that demon chick.  MATILDA    [both quiet and on filter] You don't have to yell. RENA    She said if I killed her "client", she would get Bud to let Quarrie off. MATILDA    You shouldn't-- RENA    Yeah, that singer with the band.  I just don't think I can do that.  Even for ten times the money.  I'm just... not a killer. MATILDA    [quiet]  But you are a conniving bitch. RENA    I guess I can think about it, but your pal's time is nearly up.  [overly dramatic sigh]  MATILDA    How will you get him there? RENA    I suppose it can't hurt to go and see the band tonight.  See what the vic's like. MATILDA    [chuckles evilly]  I suppose it can't. SOUND    A MOMENT, THEN LITTLE METAL DOOR SHUTS RENA    Did he give you a new check? MUSIC AMB    BACK ALLEY INFERNIQUE    Goblin's not dead yet. RENA    [gasp, slightly irritated] You really need to stop doing that. INFERNIQUE    It's part of my charm.  Ask your little "friend." RENA    You said that as long as Goblin's dead by midnight, you'll-- INFERNIQUE    Must I say it again?  "go out with that... fellow." RENA    Bud. INFERNIQUE    [as if it's offal]  Bud. RENA    Right.  Thanks. INFERNIQUE    See you later.  [slowly sounding demonic] Don't jerk me around.  You wouldn't like to see me angry.  RENA    [unruffled]  Yeah.  Betcha get ugly.  I'll be inside. SOUND    STEPS, DOOR OPENS BUD    Was that wise? RENA    Promising a dead goblin? BUD    Uh, no - pissing her off.  [avid] Not that she ain't seriously hot when she lets the red out, but-- RENA    It's fine.  And you'll be in the black. MATILDA    [on radio]  Though I'll bet he'd rather be "in the red" ... at least if she's steamy enough... BUD    Hah!  You gotta dirty mind, babe. RENA    Darn.  And all I got was looks. SOUND    3 GUN SHOTS BUD    What the--? RENA    Hold on.  [waits a second] BUD    [whispered] I don't hear nothing. RENA    Ok.  He's coming. BUD    What? RENA    Had to make sure there weren't any more. BUD    What--? SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN QUARRY    [under his breath] Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! RENA    Over here. QUARRY    What? BUD    [realizing]  Oh?  Oh!  That's beautiful! QUARRY    I gotta get out of here! RENA    No. QUARRY    What? RENA    Do you have your story? QUARRY    Story? RENA    Play the crazy card. QUARRY    Crazy - Look, ask him-- no, I'll ask him-- [yelling off]  Am I out?  I mean, are we square? BUD    [smug] We'll know in just a sec, won't we? RENA    Fred, focus.  Crazy talk. QUARRY    Why? RENA    You're gonna get caught. QUARRY    No!  I mean - why? BUD    She's right.  About a surprising lot of things, Freddy babe.  You can't walk away free and clear, but-- INFERNIQUE    He's dead.  [mock sympathy] Before you could even get in there.  Too bad about that. QUARRY    [long squeal] Noooo! BUD    Ah, crap. RENA    [calm] I never said I was going to kill him. INFERNIQUE    You-- RENA    I specified "as long as he's dead by midnight--" and you agreed. MATILDA    [on radio]  You want a playback on that?  For your records, maybe? INDERNIQUE    Blast you! BUD    You can blast me, babe.  But... you know you gotta come through.  For her. INFERNIQUE    [long hissing breath as she decides]  Fine!  But you may just rue this day later. BUD    Freddy there will. QUARRY    I'm just tickled there is a later. BUD    Oh, yeah.  You're clear.  [to Inf]  Shall we?  I know this cute little place where they make the best lobster calzone.  Mwa! [to Fred] Make sure your check doesn't bounce.  Those chicks'll fuck you up. RENA    Yup. QUARRY    Cash it quick. RENA    Now for the crazy talk. MUSIC TV NEWS    --Remanded for psychiatric evaluation after he broke down on the stand and claimed that the devil demanded he kill or be killed. MATILDA    Tsk.  They should be nicer to that poor boy. RENA    Why? MATILDA    The rest of the news is all politicians and disasters.  RENA    So? MATILDA    He's a rarity. RENA    A celebrity criminal? MATILDA    Someone actually telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth. RENA    [almost a chuckle] CLOSER

You know all the things that go into casting a spell now, but how do you make magic actually happen? It's hard to define and even harder to do, but we'll talk about it anyway. Also in this episode -- Last episode of Season One!! I'll be back with Season Two in two weeks. Maybe three... Or I might just run headlong into it and have an episode next week. I also talk about adding guest speakers next season. You absolutely do not have to be an expert on anything witchcraft related. Just a topic that you have an opinion about and that we can have a conversation about. I'm also open to guest speakers that just have some questions that we can have a conversation about together. Hit me up on Twitter if you're game for it! @stuff_witchy OH!! And after I say goodbye at the end, I come back to talk about maybe doing a giveaway. Whaddaya say?? Want in? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/that-witchy-stuff/message

We have a flavoured Whaddaya playing today, hard games, we chat Elden Ring, Biped, Pokemon Arceus, and Undertale...

In this episode of What It's About, Claire and Kyle explore the world of political correctness regarding speech. Website: http://whatitsabout.fun Follow What It's About: Instagram: http://instagram.com/whatitsaboutpod Twitter: http://twitter.com/whatitsaboutpod Questions, comments, or collaborations email us at whatitsaboutpod [at] gmail [dot] com.

Welcome to So Say We All! Despite the podcast title (and episode title), this show will not only be about Battlestar Galactica. While that will probably be the crux of what we cover on the show, we want to leave the door open for other things. Support us on Patreon! Theme song is “Battle for […]

The news is not the news, with CNN fu, Soros fu, Coumo Fu, propaganda fu, riot fu, aluminum bat fu, AK-47 fu, libtard fu, Portllujah fu, Seattlestan fu, Minneaplestan fu, and one pissed off evil lawyer.

Well, the cat is out of the bag! Jo Ellen, who is my life partner of some 19 years and myself have stated a YouTube channel about love, life and leisure and everything in between. We have built such an amazing relationship that we think it's only fair to share what works for us, answer any questions we can and simply give as much information as possible regarding the magic we've created, how we've done it and what we can share with you, to make your relationship work as well. We'll also share some everyday funny videos of us together possible cooking or shopping or boating on a local Arizona lake, etc. We plan on doing a lot of traveling in the upcoming years and we'll bring you along on some of our adventures. Warning, we have a really great time when we're on vacation. The real goal is to have some of our viewers send in questions so that we might be able to share how we've dealt with various issues and still have a very loving, vibrant and fun relationship. ********** Podcast Music By: Andy Galore, Album: "Out and About", Song: "Chicken & Scotch" 2014 Andy's Links: http://andygalore.com/ https://www.facebook.com/andygalorebass ********** If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts/iTunes? It takes less than 60 seconds, and it really makes a difference in helping to convince hard-to-get guests. For show notes and past guests, please visit: https://joecostelloglobal.com/#thejoecostelloshow Subscribe, Rate & Review:I would love if you could subscribe to the podcast and leave an honest rating & review. This will encourage other people to listen and allow us to grow as a community. The bigger we get as a community, the bigger the impact we can have on the world. Sign up for Joe's email newsletter at: https://joecostelloglobal.com/#signup For transcripts of episodes, go to: https://joecostelloglobal.com/#thejoecostelloshow Follow Joe: Twitter: https://twitter.com/jcostelloglobal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jcostelloglobal/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jcostelloglobal/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUZsrJsf8-1dS6ddAa9Sr1Q?view_as=subscriber Transcript

Grease was a 1978 film adaptation of the 1971 musical of the same name, and mark film-starring turns for leads John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. The directorial debut of Randal Kleiser, it followed the romantic and comedic exploits of high school students during the late 1950s, against a backdrop of early rock n' roll and doo-wop. It's considered one of the greatest movie musicals of all time, maintaining a massive following among fans of the genre, featuring now iconic songs like "Summer Nights" and "You're The One That I Want."And we hate it.On this episode of Hell Is A Musical, Lilz and Scott stubbornly trudge through Grease, loathing every minute of it. Join them as they go on a profoundly irritating journey full of bad Travolta impressions, 40-year-old teenagers, intense behind-the-scenes turbulence, and Sha-Na-Na....with Lilz & Scott!

This episode is kind of a follow up from last Friday's. Which is a deeper analysis of a one-on-one interview between former goalie all-star and now New Jersey Devil VP executive, Martin Brodeur, and radio play-by-play announcer, Matt Loughlin, in regards to the hiring of Lindy Ruff. Let's analysis the perspective of a former player turned businessman, as I open my mind to see if Good Ole Marty can change my mind in regards to the "Ruff" decision. Hey, as I say, perspective is everything, so let's give it a shot.Full interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsZXQKYiU6wRock Auto: Amazing selection. Reliably low prices. All the parts your car will ever need. Visit RockAuto.com and tell them Locked On sent you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

  This is me being completely transparent with answering all your burning questions. Some of these are easy to answer as they are just basic inquiries about parts of my personal or business life that don't go too deep.Other questions are difficult because I'm talking about things publicly that I've never talked about before. I'm pulling back the veil you might say and allowing the world to see and learn more about me and my life than ever before. I hope you enjoy these "Whaddaya Know Joe" episodes and you'll send in your question to hello@joecostelloglobal.com https://youtu.be/iWq5t4mgdzE ********** Podcast Music By: Andy Galore, Album: "Out and About", Song: "Chicken & Scotch" 2014Andy's Links:http://andygalore.com/https://www.facebook.com/andygalorebass ********** If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts/iTunes? It takes less than 60 seconds, and it really makes a difference in helping to convince hard-to-get guests. For show notes and past guests, please visit: https://joecostelloglobal.com/#thejoecostelloshow Subscribe, Rate & Review: I would love if you could subscribe to the podcast and leave an honest rating & review. This will encourage other people to listen and allow us to grow as a community. The bigger we get as a community, the bigger the impact we can have on the world.For show notes and past guests, please visit: https://joecostelloglobal.com/#thejoecostelloshow Sign up for Joe's email newsletter at: https://joecostelloglobal.com/#signup For transcripts of episodes, go to https://joecostelloglobal.com/#thejoecostelloshow Follow Joe: Twitter: https://twitter.com/jcostelloglobal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jcostelloglobal/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jcostelloglobal/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUZsrJsf8-1dS6ddAa9Sr1Q?view_as=subscriber

The Vexatious Requester of Gregg TownshipKen's guest is Michelle Grove, a local political activist from Gregg Township near State College.  Imagine a local government out of control.  Imagine the sparks when it meets a regular citizen, affectionately known colloquially as “the vexatious Right-to-Know requester of Gregg Township”.  Then there are the listener-submitted questions regarding forced vaccinations, zoning, and pollution, plus a vignette about one ranger's reaction to hunting endangered species.  What “sticks in Ken's craw” this week?  Audiences Guest Toastmaster Narrator: Karen Flam, of the Positively Charged Toastmasters club, Found in this episode:What's in the Mail Bag? xx:xx:xx-xx:xx:xxDon't force vaccinations on his kid!  But force them on his kid's classmates?Zoning and compost heapsDealing with pollution as a trespass What happens when you shoot a protected species, and the ranger is standing right there? A Conversation with Michelle Grove    xx:xxWhaddaya mean, the township destroys records?Whaddaya mean they violate the Sunshine Act?Surely they didn't mean to slander an inquisitive citizenVictory in court!! What Sticks in Ken's Craw?  Audiences!They stroll in late, walk out early, fall asleep if I'm lucky, and snore if I'm notYou know at some point someone's cell phone's gonna ring....All about Ken, Monica Lewinsky, and uppity, arrogant political audiencesPresenting to an audience of police at a DUI checkpoint!More Information:Guest:Michelle Grove: https://greggtownshipunofficial.org/Pennsylvania Constitution: https://www.paconstitution.org/ Commercials:Amendment 16: http://AmendmentSixteen.comFreedom Financial Tax: 866-401-1090Libertarian Party of Pennsylvania: http://LpPa.orgIron Will Tattoo Club: https://ironwilltattoo.clubSteven Werley Digital Marketing: https://www.stevenwerley.comToastmasters International: http://toastmasters.org