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A new wave of age-verification laws for app stores and internet services like social media have been proposed at both state and federal levels. These laws raise pressing constitutional concerns about privacy, free speech, and the proper role of government in regulating online behavior. The Supreme Court decided Free Speech Coalition v. Paxton, a pivotal case challenging a requirement that users verify their age, such as by uploading government-issued identification, to access online adult content. While well-meaning adults may want to protect young people from certain harms both online and off, these proposals could also threaten to chill lawful speech, compromise privacy, and set dangerous precedents. Requiring age verification for online content could open the door to broader government controls over political speech and dissent. These burdens are felt not only by “Big Tech” but also by smaller companies that may be providing services for more specific communities. Furthermore, it's unclear if these proposals will actually improve online safety. Are there alternative approaches that can balance the concerns of parents with the freedoms of users of all ages and the benefits of innovation? How should courts, policymakers, and parents weigh the potential trade-offs between the benefits and risks for kids and teens online? This event will explore the legal, technological, and ethical implications of age-verification laws. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

BUFFALO, NY — July 8, 2025 — A new #research paper was #published in Aging (Aging-US) Volume 17, Issue 6, on May 30, 2025, titled “Impact of waist-to-hip and waist-to-height ratios on physical performance: insights from the Longevity Check-up 8+ project.” In this study, researchers led by first author Anna Maria Martone and corresponding author Elena Levati from the Fondazione Policlinico Universitario “Agostino Gemelli” IRCCS and Università Cattolica del Sacro Cuore found that adults with higher waist-to-hip and waist-to-height ratios tend to have poorer physical performance. These simple body shape measures emerged as important tools for assessing strength and mobility, which are essential for maintaining independence as people age. The analysis included data from more than 10,000 Italian adults aged 18 to 98 years who participated in the Longevity Check-up 8+ project, a nationwide health initiative aimed at promoting healthy lifestyles and raising awareness of cardiovascular risks. Researchers measured participants' waist-to-hip (WHR) and waist-to-height (WHtR) ratios and assessed their physical function using the five-repetition chair stand test, a standard evaluation of lower body strength and mobility. “Among 10690 participants (mean age 57.0 ± 14.8 y; 54% females), men exhibited higher WHR and WHtR and a higher prevalence of abnormal values (61% and 71%).” The results showed that individuals with higher waist-to-hip and waist-to-height ratios took longer to complete the test, reflecting reduced physical function. Even after adjusting for lifestyle factors such as diet, exercise habits, and cardiovascular health, these ratios remained strongly linked to poorer performance. The waist-to-height ratio, in particular, proved to be a more effective predictor of physical ability across different age and gender groups. These findings highlight how abdominal fat, already tied to serious health risks like heart disease and diabetes, may also impair mobility and independence as people age. Monitoring waist measurements could help identify individuals at risk of functional decline, offering a simple tool to support public health in aging populations. The waist-to-height ratio is especially valuable because of its simplicity and practicality. Requiring only waist and height measurements, it can be easily used in clinical settings and community health programs to screen for potential mobility issues. Encouraging healthy waist sizes through balanced diets and regular exercise could help preserve physical performance and delay age-related decline. These findings may guide future prevention strategies. By identifying individuals at higher risk, healthcare professionals can implement targeted interventions to support long-term health and independence. DOI - https://doi.org/10.18632/aging.206260 Corresponding author - Elena Levati - elena.levati01@icatt.it Video short - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqGlZ1qGZPI Sign up for free Altmetric alerts about this article - https://aging.altmetric.com/details/email_updates?id=10.18632%2Faging.206260 Subscribe for free publication alerts from Aging - https://www.aging-us.com/subscribe-to-toc-alerts Keywords - aging, physical performance, body composition, waist-to-hip ratio, waist-to-height ratio, chair-stand test To learn more about the journal, please visit our website at https://www.Aging-US.com​​ and connect with us on social media at: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/AgingUS/ X - https://twitter.com/AgingJrnl Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/agingjrnl/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@AgingJournal LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/company/aging/ Bluesky - https://bsky.app/profile/aging-us.bsky.social Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/AgingUS/ Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/1X4HQQgegjReaf6Mozn6Mc MEDIA@IMPACTJOURNALS.COM

Henry Olsen of the Ethics and Public Policy Center Iowa Starts the Work of Turning Public Opinion on Abortion Ethics and Public Policy Center The post An Iowa Law Requiring Schools to Show Ultrasounds of Fetal Development – Henry Olsen, 7/7/25 (1884) first appeared on Issues, Etc..

In this case, the court considered this issue: Does the Hobbs Act require a federal district court to accept the Federal Communication Commission's legal interpretation of the Telephone Consumer Protection Act?The case was decided on June 20, 2025.The Supreme Court held that the Hobbs Act does not preclude judicial review of an agency's statutory interpretation in district court enforcement proceedings, and district courts must independently determine whether the agency's interpretation is correct under ordinary principles of statutory interpretation. Justice Brett Kavanaugh authored the 6-3 majority opinion of the Court.Courts may grant pre-enforcement review of agency orders through three types of statutes: those that expressly preclude subsequent judicial review in enforcement proceedings (like the Clean Water Act), those that expressly authorize review in both contexts, and those that remain silent on enforcement proceedings (like the Hobbs Act). The Hobbs Act falls into the third category, which triggers a default rule allowing district courts to independently assess agency interpretations. The Administrative Procedure Act codifies this presumption of judicial review, stating that “agency action is subject to judicial review in civil or criminal proceedings for judicial enforcement” unless prior review was adequate and exclusive. The phrase “determine the validity” in the Hobbs Act refers specifically to entering declaratory judgments in pre-enforcement proceedings, not to the broader process of evaluating an agency interpretation's correctness in enforcement actions.The Emergency Price Control Act precedent from Yakus v United States does not control because that wartime statute contained two provisions working together: exclusive jurisdiction language plus an express prohibition against other courts considering validity. Congress chose not to include this second, prohibitive provision when enacting the Hobbs Act six years later, demonstrating its intent not to preclude enforcement-stage review. Practical concerns about potential court disagreements do not override statutory text and administrative law principles, as circuit splits followed by Supreme Court review represent the ordinary judicial process. Requiring all potentially affected parties to challenge every agency order within 60 days or lose their rights would be impractical and unfair, particularly for entities that did not exist when orders issued or had no reason to anticipate future enforcement proceedings.Justice Elena Kagan authored a dissenting opinion, joined by Justices Sonia Sotomayor and Ketanji Brown Jackson, arguing that the Hobbs Act's grant of “exclusive jurisdiction” to appellate courts to “determine the validity” of agency orders plainly precludes district courts from making such determinations in enforcement proceedings.The opinion is presented here in its entirety, but with citations omitted. If you appreciate this episode, please subscribe. Thank you.

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 15:45:00 GMT http://relay.fm/radar/322 http://relay.fm/radar/322 Requiring iOS 26? 322 Marco Arment and David Smith Tradeoffs for requiring iOS 26 this fall, and a clever strategy to manage compatibility with iOS 18. Tradeoffs for requiring iOS 26 this fall, and a clever strategy to manage compatibility with iOS 18. clean 1787 Tradeoffs for requiring iOS 26 this fall, and a clever strategy to manage compatibility with iOS 18. This episode of Under the Radar is sponsored by: Sentry: Mobile crash reporting and app monitoring. Get 6 months of the Team plan free with code radar. Links and Show Notes: Considerations for New iOS Versions Support Under the Rad

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 15:45:00 GMT http://relay.fm/radar/322 http://relay.fm/radar/322 Marco Arment and David Smith Tradeoffs for requiring iOS 26 this fall, and a clever strategy to manage compatibility with iOS 18. Tradeoffs for requiring iOS 26 this fall, and a clever strategy to manage compatibility with iOS 18. clean 1787 Tradeoffs for requiring iOS 26 this fall, and a clever strategy to manage compatibility with iOS 18. This episode of Under the Radar is sponsored by: Sentry: Mobile crash reporting and app monitoring. Get 6 months of the Team plan free with code radar. Links and Show Notes: Considerations for New iOS Versions Suppo

Olga George, Press Secretary for Mayor Ed Gainey calls in to give details on city pools.

In this case, the court considered this issue: Must a party who files a notice of appeal during the period between when their original appeal deadline expired and when the court reopens their time to appeal file a second notice after the reopening is granted?The case was decided on June 12, 2025.The Supreme Court held that the Federal Rules of Appellate Procedure require a timely-filed notice of appeal, and a notice filed after the original deadline but before a court grants reopening relates forward to the date reopening is granted, making a second notice unnecessary. Justice Sonia Sotomayor authored the 6-3 majority opinion of the Court.When civil litigants miss appeal deadlines, federal law provides two exceptions: courts may extend the deadline for excusable neglect or good cause, or reopen the appeal period when a party entitled to notice does not receive it within 21 days of the judgment. The reopening provision creates a new 14-day appeal window starting from the court's reopening order. While a notice filed after this 14-day period cannot confer jurisdiction, a notice filed before reopening is granted is merely premature rather than late. Congress legislated against established common-law principles that premature but adequate notices of appeal relate forward to the entry of the document making an appeal possible. For over a century, courts have applied this principle to avoid dismissing appeals on technicalities when no doubt exists about who is appealing, from what judgment, and to which court.The statute's silence on pre-reopening notices means Congress expected the longstanding relation-forward rule to continue applying. Requiring a second notice after reopening would serve no purpose beyond “empty paper shuffling” when the original notice already provided clear notice of the intent to appeal. The Federal Rules of Appellate Procedure support this interpretation, as Rules 4(a)(2) and 4(a)(4) codify the principle that premature notices should relate forward when they do not prejudice opposing parties. The 1993 amendments specifically eliminated restrictions on relation-forward to avoid creating traps for litigants, especially pro se litigants who often fail to file second notices. Rule 4(a)(6)'s silence on relation-forward does not create a negative implication prohibiting it, particularly given the Rules' emphasis on securing just determinations and disregarding errors that do not affect substantial rights.Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson authored a concurring opinion, joined by Justice Clarence Thomas, arguing the same result could be reached without relation-forward principles by treating the filing as a motion with an attached proposed notice of appeal.Justice Neil Gorsuch filed a dissenting opinion, arguing the case should have been dismissed as improvidently granted because the Rules Committee is already studying this issue.The opinion is presented here in its entirety, but with citations omitted. If you appreciate this episode, please subscribe. Thank you. 

An Auckland councillor says the Government requiring larger apartments in the neighbourhood of new CRL train stations is in line with other council requests. The Government's announced Resource Management Bill amendments to allow apartments 10 and 15 storeys high around some central city terminals. Councillor Richard Hills says it ties into requests to remove medium-density residential housing rules. "We've also asked if we can downzone or restrict some areas in flooding and hazard zones - this change will legally allow us to do that, but on the proviso that we increase capacity elsewhere." LISTEN ABOVESee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Some in the Auckland real estate sector are giving the Government's move to require taller apartments near key rail stations the tick of approval. The Resource Management Bill will be amended to force Auckland Council to allow apartments at least 10 or 15 storeys tall around City Rail Link stops. LJ Hooker Head of Network Campbell Dunoon hopes locals get behind what he believes is a good idea. He says everyone's been looking forward to the City Rail Link, and more accommodation around those hubs makes sense. But Dunoon says green spaces and carparks will need consideration. LISTEN ABOVE See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Musk's X Sues New York Over Law Requiring Disclosure of Hate Speech Policies

Heidelberg Catechism Lords Day 44 & Romans 7 The Tenth: Requiring Inner Perfection 1. Strict 2. Humbling 3. Blessed

In today’s deep dive, we'll bring you a look at how the Illinois General Assembly passed a measure to strengthen protections for survivors of sexual abuse.

Cold OpenCBT…? Never worked for autistic me.So, look, we KNOW masking doesn't work. Or FEAR. Or PAIN. We're dying from them already.That's all the words we need.[Music]IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 6. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT…? Never Worked for Autistic Me.”Abelist agendas. Bad research subjects. Bad data. Bad therapy.There's the whole story.An experimental multi-part series… around 10 minutes each. Cuz some autistic listeners tell me they like to binge in small bites. Others say they listen in the car… so you can also download the complete series as one file.Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]I've been struggling with an article on CBT & Autism for years.Sigh. Spoons. A lot of reading. A lot of thinking…To come to my opinion… my thesis…that any therapy based on purely cognitive techniques… even if pros throw on some Behavioral rubber-band-snapping special sauce on the side…?It's inherently ableist… attacking the very way our autistic brains are wired. Demanding abilities many neurodivergents just weren't born with.Here's a snapshot. A quick personal story from when autistic-as-fuck me turned for help…“I'm sorry… What did you just say?”“I said…” He looked nervous. “I said… I always recommend aversive therapy for my autistic kids. My clients.”Me. In a dead-cold voice. “Snapping a rubber band.”“Y-e-s-s.” He seemed torn. Was I gonna get positive reinforcement… Or that weird, hostile, defensiveness professionals get. When you ask questions.Into that hesitant silence, I say, “Snap it hard. Hard as they can. Against their wrist.”“Yes. The sting is important.” Now, he's eager to share. “When they repeat the aversive stimulus, they…”Again I interrupt with my ashen, Clint-Eastwood voice. “During a meltdown.”“Well… actually… just before.” He's beaming, proud. “They learn to snap the band at the earliest hint they'll lose control. It's operant conditioning.”A kid having a meltdown on Aisle 3. Likely overwhelmed by sensory overload.Let's just add a little sharp pain… and see what happens…As if by giving it some science-y name… it's not self-inflicted torture.Brief CBT BackgroundCognitive Behavioral Therapy emerged in the 60s. A kind of forced marriage. Between Beck's cognitive therapy… focused on internal thoughts. And Skinner's behavioral therapy… focused on observable behavior. Both developed studying neurotypical minds.Change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your behavior… change your life. Simple, right?Unless your brain doesn't work that way…Sometimes…? Research… Ain't.How could COGNITIVE Behavioral Therapy not be inappropriate for autistics?Research Problem #1. It's based on studying neurotypical populations. But we autistics think differently by definition.Problem #2? For the foundational studies, CBT researchers used white, university student subjects… for the most part. They're easy and cheap to find. But maybe 3% are autistic? Maybe? ALL with decent IQs and functioning student skills… even the few autistic subjects?And Problem #3 is a doozy. Many autistics survive by people-pleasing. Kids and grownups. We're likely to mask our true experiences to appear "better"... or please therapists. Plus we may have trouble perceiving and communicating our own experience. Self-reported data might not reflect our reality.,Then there's one that's rarely discussed. Problem #4… the "waitlist relief effect." Most neurodivergent folks endure months or years waiting for therapy, suffering intensely. When we finally get accepted into therapy? There's overwhelming relief… elevating our mood and behavior. Which distorts everything a therapist will hear.We may dial up our masking. Cuz we're scared shitless we'll lose this lifeline.Meanwhile, researchers publish, buff their nails…. and attribute any self-reported improvement as proof their technique works.The Cognitive Part…? A Stopper.Substitute "executive functioning" for "cognitive." As in the thing they say is largely missing from my autistic forebrain.The entire technique? One cognitive process after another.. First you must notice. Then you must reflect.Then decide.Then review.Then judge context.Then review…Finally… Act.Then regret.Let that sink in. All of cognitive therapy is about monitoring individual thoughts for "cognitive errors." Then replacing them with correct ones.Hundreds of decisions, distinctions, social cue processings. Executive functioning. A process that NEVER became automatic for me. As clinician after clinician cheerfully reassured me it would.Many autistic individuals have memory differences. Working memory differences that make it nearly impossible to hold the kind of information cognitive work requires. Much less manipulate it on the fly…Now… About Behavior.Now, the "Behavioral" part of CBT? The Skinnerian special sauce?Rewards… and punishments… for the action you choose. Hoping you'll build automatic, correct responses.Basically rat training. If you shock me enough times. Sure. I won't go through that door. AND I will struggle mightily to only have an internal stroke... rather than an external meltdown.But the researcher... or teacher... gets to check the box, "Cured." Cuz we're no longer a nuisance to them. And we continue to quietly die. Invisibly. Politely...Inside.That kind of aversion... to fear or pain? True for every living thing at an evolutionary level above a paramecium.Like rats. Or kids. Cuz... FEAR works. PAIN works. Just not the way they think.These Practical Implementation Failures…Should sound pretty familiar. To autistic folks. Keenly aware of the nightmare effort Autistic Masking demands around Straight Society.So, look, we know masking doesn't work. Or fear. Or PAIN. We're dying from them already.That's all the words we need.Add to this our difficulty forming new habits, maintaining routines, and processing cognitive information differently. Under stress… which therapy itself can induce… we often revert to previous behaviors. Any “improvements” from “techniques”? Not bloody likely they're ingrained as permanent muscle memory.Requiring frequent refresher sessions to maintain the illusion of change… and progress.As one commenter wrote: "To me, CBT has always felt inherently surface-level. It's like closing a few tabs on your browser as opposed to doing a factory reset."Biggest problem of all? Neurodivergent Diversity.Autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, dyslexic, dyspraxic… all different cognitive profiles.Sure, we're all different from the typical population. But an autistic who also experiences ADHD thinks and acts differently than a dyslexic one. At least to my trained observation. I was a mental health social worker for 10 years…Despite these complexities… Maybe because it is complex… It seems to me that CBT treats us all as if we're standard-model humans. With a few bugs to fix.We require GENERATIONAL studies of representative populations to sort this spaghetti pile out. Before we should be recommending these techniques.On living humans. Adults. And especially kids.ABA and Its Relatives: An Even Deeper Hole.Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) deserves special mention. It's the behavioral therapy most parents hear about in grammar schools.What most don't know? ABA shares roots with debunked, torturous gay Conversion Therapy. Outlawed in many states. Both were developed by O. Ivar Lovaas in the 60s.Both aim to eliminate "undesirable" behaviors. Using “aversive” techniques. From snapping rubber bands in the nice clinics. To cattle prods in the not-so-nice facilities.Punishing and suppressing behaviors that are natural to our nervous systems. Behaviors that protect us from a society not built for us.ABA may have volumes of "data." But it's all shaped by behaviors researchers and parents want, not what autistic children or adults need. The outcomes measured? Eye contact. Sitting still. Verbal responses. Not internal autistic wellbeing.It's important to understand one simple point. Data is not science.How you frame your research or experiment How you gather your data How you choose how many subjects and whom When you choose to gather data How you interpret your data How you present your dataAll impact its validity and value. ABA and all its camouflaged cousins fall down on this core scientific truth.Bottom line? When former ABA children grow up, many report trauma. PTSD. Anxiety. Depression. Self-harm.ConclusionFuck #ABA. Fuck #CBT.Everybody in the therapeutic-industrial complex from clinic receptionist to billionaire pharmaceutical CEO makes money. From your kid's pain. Caused by treatments that don't address neurodivergent needs. As far as I… and better-known neurodiversity-affirming authorities… can tell.Strong words? Yes. Because minds… and lives… are at stake.We need therapies that work WITH our neurology, not against it. That build on our strengths instead of calling us coolly, professionally, pathologizing names.In Part 3, we'll really bring this all home. How labeling our intrinsic differences as disease is about as anti-therapeutic as you can get.We'll explore "PDA… Not Every Difference Is a Disease." And really raise a ruckus.OutroFor your deeper diving pleasure, the transcript contains references and footnotes for most points I raise. From a variety of views.Hey, don't forget, you can download Part 1, “Autistic Resilience.” Or download both parts as one file.More coming in this series exploring how neurodivergent folks can build sustainable, authentic lives… with or without professional intervention. With 2 more parts coming…AutisticAF Out Loud podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. If you have a friend or family member touched by neurodiversity? Why not turn them on to us with a quick email?By the way, we believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content.Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them. Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. I put both links in description.References & Further Reading1: Ableist: Discriminating against people with disabilities by assuming everyone's mind and body work the same way. Like designing a world only for the "standard model human" and then blaming us when we can't navigate it.2: Operant conditioning: A learning process in which behavior is shaped by rewards or punishments.3: Beck, A. T. (1979). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. Penguin.4: Bottema-Beutel, K., & Crowley, S. (2021). Pervasive Undisclosed Conflicts of Interest in Applied Behavior Analysis Autism Literature. Frontiers in Psychology, 12.5: Cage, E., Di Monaco, J., & Newell, V. (2018). Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 48(2), 473-484.6: Masking: The act of concealing one's autistic traits to fit in or avoid negative attention.7: Meta-analyses show that waitlist control groups often overestimate the effect sizes of psychotherapies for depression and anxiety, and that changes occurring during waitlist periods are typically small, making waitlist-controlled trials a less strict test of effectiveness.Cuijpers, P., Karyotaki, E., Reijnders, M., Purgato, M., de Wit, L., Ebert, D. D., ... & Furukawa, T. A. (2024). Overestimation of the effect sizes of psychotherapies for depression in waitlist-controlled trials: a meta-analytic comparison with usual care controlled trials. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 33, e10.8: Patterson, B., Boyle, M. H., Kivlenieks, M., & Van Ameringen, M. (2016). The use of waitlists as control conditions in anxiety disorders research. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 41, 56-64.9: Boucher, J., Mayes, A., & Bigham, S. (2012). Memory in autistic spectrum disorder. Psychological Bulletin, 138(3), 458-496.10: Happé, F., & Frith, U. (2006). The weak coherence account: detail-focused cognitive style in autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 36(1), 5-25.11: Rekers, G. A., & Lovaas, O. I. (1974). Behavioral treatment of deviant sex-role behaviors in a male child. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 7(2), 173–190.See also: El Dewar (2024), "ABA: The Neuro-Normative Conversion Therapy," NDConnection; and the Lovaas Institute's 2024 statement regarding conversion therapy.12: Sandoval-Norton, A. H., & Shkedy, G. (2019). How much compliance is too much compliance: Is long-term ABA therapy abuse? Cogent Psychology, 6(1).13: McGill, O., & Robinson, A. (2020). "Recalling hidden harms": Autistic experiences of childhood Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA). Advances in Autism, ahead-of-print.14: Xie, Y., Zhang, Y., Li, Y., et al. (2021). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Systematic Review. Pediatrics, 147(5), e2020049880.81015: Weston, L., Hodgekins, J., & Langdon, P. E. (2016). Effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy with people who have autistic spectrum disorders: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 49, 41-54.16: Miguel, C., Harrer, M., Cuijpers, P., et al. (2025). Self-reports vs clinician ratings of efficacies of psychotherapies for depression: a meta-analysis. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 34, e9.Note: Links are provided for reference only. Views expressed may differ from my own experiences and observations. Sources affiliated with Autism Speaks are controversial in the neurodiversity community. Their research may be included for completeness. But perhaps be cautious.Binge on the most authentic autistic voice in podcasting.7 decades of raw truth, real insights, zero yadayada.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click below to receive new posts… free. Tosupport my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Cold OpenYou wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"…But missing the whole damn forest we know locally as "Survival."[Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience]IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 5. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience.”Deficits… or strengths? Survival… or thriving? Pathology… or inborn, natural autistic behavior? We turn the diagnostic telescope around. Let's focus on the forest of resilience behind every leaf labeled "deficit."An experimental multi-part series… all around 10 minutes. Because some neurodivergent listeners like to binge in small bites. Or you can download Part 1 and Part 2 at once… for listeners who crave the whole enchilada in one sitting.Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]What I tell any therapist… any caregiver… first session:I have survived physical and sexual abuse from family and schoolmates.Bullying by teachers and fellow students… 2nd grade through high school.Multiple professional crashes… in multiple careers.At least a dozen firings.2 evictions.1 bankruptcy.Dozens of major household moves.Few friends, and…2 divorces, 3 "living togethers," and a couple of "serious" relationships that, well…, weren't?Ain't this resilience?Resilience. Ya know, that cap-and-gown term pros use for getting knocked down seven times. Stubbornly getting up… eight...I'm still alive. Still creating. Still getting published. Still speaking to thousands of autistics a year.Never attempted suicide... despite three hospitalizations.AND I'm still autistic. Cuz there ain't no cure for something that ain't wrong. Unless you base your "medical model" on some statistical "normal"… which is just a made up story. Cuz not one living person is summed up by a Bell curve normal… not even within a standard deviation.Yes, yes… yes. Some professionals are evolving. Pros who listen more than lecture. But face it. In the grand scheme of things… they're rare.Let's get clear right now, right here. It's not being autistic that creates our trauma. It's living autistic in a society that inflicts trauma on us. Refusing to accept, adapt… support… us.Why do "helping" pros focus on my deficits, my lacks, my pitiful performance of “Activities of Daily Living”…? Like, did I shower today…? No.Rather than the sheer strength of will I demonstrate every time I take my next breath?Why do they offer to fix me,inform me,guide me, andcharge me for sessions,mentoring,workshops,best-selling books,SYSTEMS they've just invented…based on… at best… incomplete research?[Music]You know social media… if you like and share this podcast, a lot more people will check it out. You can do a lot of good with just one click.You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out.Turn my every inborn neurodivergent characteristic into a disease. You do have powerful diagnostic tools…But you're looking through that diagnostic telescope backwards. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"… But missing the whole damn forest that we know locally as "Survival."Like my "failure to maintain eye contact.” A “social deficit.” Right... completely missing how that survival skill lets me process your words… without painful sensory overload. My form of my respect… for you.Go ahead and use professionally, objectively disempowering terms, like "comorbidity"... betraying your bias that my very way of Being is… in your eyes… a disease. And then riff on, elaborate away: "pathological demand avoidance," "obsessive-compulsive disorder," "borderline personality disorder,"And on and on… and on.Truth? Every diagnosis? Just another survival mechanism. Not symptoms of autism. Responses to how society treats autism.Behaviors that kept me alive… in your world. While you obsess over what's "wrong" with me…Or… we could build on my autistic strengths.Look, none of us have all of these. And superpowers don't exist. Some have strengths not listed. But if you aren't looking for them? Likely, you're mis-treating us.* Resilience: Just surviving multiple, severe stressors is a biggie. Every autistic adult you meet has adapted to extreme challenges. Most of us… traumatized. Yet we endure. We integrate. We keep going.* Deep Feeling: Pros call ‘em "mood swings." We call it feeling everything… deeply. Depth that drives our creativity… in science, art, writing, becoming lunatic billionaires… or the cool neighbor next door.. It's not a flaw. It's fuel.* Survival Skills: My life, my continued existence… is my proof. Just as any autistic adult's life is. We've survived devastating life events. With inner strength and coping strategies.These aren't skills most professionals understand… not even some neurodivergent practitioners. Because these skills are linked to how our individual autistic minds work. Which is… in fact… different. Not just from most humans. From each other, too.* Creative Persistence: Every autistic person knows this pull. Our passionate focus on our interests. Grabbing us deeper than hunger. We don't just see details… no matter what TV tells you. We work on wide canvases. We create. We build. We solve. That's strength.* Living with Extremes: My knee surgeon was shocked. "You walked two miles a day on a torn meniscus?" Yes, but… a light touch on my face can trigger panic. That's not contradiction. That's how we survive. We may get sensory warnings earlier than most… Yet we handle what breaks others. Daily.* Hidden Adaptability: Look at my life changes—jobs, homes, relationships. Society labels us as "rigid." Truth is, we adapt constantly. We got no choice. Yet we persevere. We keep doing. That's not weakness. That's strength.* Processing Power: We take in everything. Process it deeply. Yet live through emotional and sensory experiences that would derail most people. We keep going. Keep growing. That's not dysfunction. That's determination. Coming directly from… not despite… our neurodivergent cognition.* Spectrum of Strength: Maybe resilience is a spectrum, too. And some of us autistics crank it up past 11. Not weakness from disability. Strength from difference. Turning autistic stereotypes upside down. Yet again.[Music]Just a quickie… this is Part 1 of “Doc? You Got Autism All Wrong?” Why not binge the next part? Or download the long-form version with both parts? Link in transcript.Challenging Normal-izing ModelsMy story? Just one among thousands. Millions.I've worked as a magazine publisher. Functioned as an academic grad student… multiple times. And been homeless… multiple times. I've been privileged to hear many, many similar stories over the decades. At all levels of society, education, age.These stories all share one truth: Autistic traits are not inherently deficits. They can be hidden sources of strength and resilience. In the right environment. In the right community.Take one example: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). What pros like to label our natural, neurodivergent response to external demands like deadlines. I meet the diagnostic criteria. Always have. But in my opinion, they bulldoze right over my inborn need for autonomy. Leading too often to trauma. PDA… seems to me… a dehumanizing slur. For the nature I was born with.Yet many neurodivergents find comfort and support diagnosed as PDA. In the acknowledgment of our differences the diagnosis does offer. I don't wish to negate their experience. And I'm not arguing neurodivergents do NOT have needs for autonomy. Or that we don't suffer due to these differences. At the hands of Straight Culture.My point: Sensory and social differences are NOT pathologies.It's like dogs noticing that cats are more hyper than canines...So to "help" ‘em, pro dogs decide to forcibly train or torture every cat. To steamroll them into converting to “Dog Normal.”We are human… autistic humans.We need what all humans need: To build on our strengths. To find our nurturing environments. To choose our supportive communities.We just accomplish these things... differently.Look, I'm fighting the whole Normative Narrative. Which demands any difference MUST be "cured." Or at least fixed.And I'm not keen on neurodivergent-based attempts to bandaid the problem. By simply defining a new normal for autistics and other neurodivergents. Just another standard we may fail to live up to.Frankly, I'm calling for a strengths-based, non-normative psychology for all neurodivergents. A theme I develop in this series and future podcasts. How we might replace CBT and similar treatments with more neurodivergent-centered alternatives.So where do we start this revolution?Doc, Stop. Look again…At the big picture this time. See those brilliant sparks of unusual strength? Far more powerful than your "deficits."Reality check: Up to now, you've just been documenting how modern consumer culture fails our neurology. In the office. In our schools. In shopping at freaking Walmart for fuck's sake.Anywhere we're forced to process too much sensory input. Or pretend to read invisible social cues. Pretend we're you… without rest or accommodation.Let's explore a new direction. Simply put?Doc… stop looking through your telescope backwards. Look at us. Right in front of your eyes._____References & Further ReadingNeither exhaustive nor comprehensive. Articles that made me think.* The high prevalence of trauma and adverse experiences among autistic individuals* PTSD and Autism* Trauma and Autism: Research and Resources* How to build resiliency in autistic individuals: an implication to advance mental health* Association Between Autism and PTSD Among Adult Psychiatric Outpatients* The relationship between autism and resilience* Building Resilience – An Important Life Skill* Understanding Resilience in Neurodivergent Adults* Autistic Resilience: Overcoming Adversity Through Self-Care and Strengths* The criticism of deficit-based models of autism* Moving Beyond Deficit-Based Models of Autism* Strengths-First Assessment in Autism* The reality of autistic strengths and capabilities* 6 Strengths (not Weaknesses) of Individuals with Autism* Autism as a Strength* Neurodiversity as a Competitive AdvantageNote: Links are provided for reference only. Views expressed may differ from my own experiences and observations. Sources affiliated with Autism Speaks are controversial in the neurodiversity community. Their research may be included for completeness. But perhaps be cautious.Doc, You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT...? Never Worked for Autistic MeCold OpenCBT…? Never worked for autistic me.So, look, we KNOW masking doesn't work. Or FEAR. Or PAIN. We're dying from them already.That's all the words we need.[Music]IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 6. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT…? Never Worked for Autistic Me.”Abelist agendas. Bad research subjects. Bad data. Bad therapy.There's the whole story.An experimental multi-part series… around 10 minutes each. Cuz some autistic listeners tell me they like to binge in small bites. Others say they listen in the car… so you can also download the complete series as one file.Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]I've been struggling with an article on CBT & Autism for years.Sigh. Spoons. A lot of reading. A lot of thinking…To come to my opinion… my thesis…that any therapy based on purely cognitive techniques… even if pros throw on some Behavioral rubber-band-snapping special sauce on the side…?It's inherently ableist… attacking the very way our autistic brains are wired. Demanding abilities many neurodivergents just weren't born with.Here's a snapshot. A quick personal story from when autistic-as-fuck me turned for help…“I'm sorry… What did you just say?”“I said…” He looked nervous. “I said… I always recommend aversive therapy for my autistic kids. My clients.”Me. In a dead-cold voice. “Snapping a rubber band.”“Y-e-s-s.” He seemed torn. Was I gonna get positive reinforcement… Or that weird, hostile, defensiveness professionals get. When you ask questions.Into that hesitant silence, I say, “Snap it hard. Hard as they can. Against their wrist.”“Yes. The sting is important.” Now, he's eager to share. “When they repeat the aversive stimulus, they…”Again I interrupt with my ashen, Clint-Eastwood voice. “During a meltdown.”“Well… actually… just before.” He's beaming, proud. “They learn to snap the band at the earliest hint they'll lose control. It's operant conditioning.”A kid having a meltdown on Aisle 3. Likely overwhelmed by sensory overload.Let's just add a little sharp pain… and see what happens…As if by giving it some science-y name… it's not self-inflicted torture.Brief CBT BackgroundCognitive Behavioral Therapy emerged in the 60s. A kind of forced marriage. Between Beck's cognitive therapy… focused on internal thoughts. And Skinner's behavioral therapy… focused on observable behavior. Both developed studying neurotypical minds.Change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your behavior… change your life. Simple, right?Unless your brain doesn't work that way…Sometimes…? Research… Ain't.How could COGNITIVE Behavioral Therapy not be inappropriate for autistics?Research Problem #1. It's based on studying neurotypical populations. But we autistics think differently by definition.Problem #2? For the foundational studies, CBT researchers used white, university student subjects… for the most part. They're easy and cheap to find. But maybe 3% are autistic? Maybe? ALL with decent IQs and functioning student skills… even the few autistic subjects?And Problem #3 is a doozy. Many autistics survive by people-pleasing. Kids and grownups. We're likely to mask our true experiences to appear "better"... or please therapists. Plus we may have trouble perceiving and communicating our own experience. Self-reported data might not reflect our reality.,Then there's one that's rarely discussed. Problem #4… the "waitlist relief effect." Most neurodivergent folks endure months or years waiting for therapy, suffering intensely. When we finally get accepted into therapy? There's overwhelming relief… elevating our mood and behavior. Which distorts everything a therapist will hear.We may dial up our masking. Cuz we're scared shitless we'll lose this lifeline.Meanwhile, researchers publish, buff their nails…. and attribute any self-reported improvement as proof their technique works.,The Cognitive Part…? A Stopper.Substitute "executive functioning" for "cognitive." As in the thing they say is largely missing from my autistic forebrain.The entire technique? One cognitive process after another.. First you must notice. Then you must reflect.Then decide.Then review.Then judge context.Then review…Finally… Act.Then regret.Let that sink in. All of cognitive therapy is about monitoring individual thoughts for "cognitive errors." Then replacing them with correct ones.Hundreds of decisions, distinctions, social cue processings. Executive functioning. A process that NEVER became automatic for me. As clinician after clinician cheerfully reassured me it would.Many autistic individuals have memory differences. Working memory differences that make it nearly impossible to hold the kind of information cognitive work requires. Much less manipulate it on the fly…Now… About Behavior.Now, the "Behavioral" part of CBT? The Skinnerian special sauce?Rewards… and punishments… for the action you choose. Hoping you'll build automatic, correct responses.Basically rat training. If you shock me enough times. Sure. I won't go through that door. AND I will struggle mightily to only have an internal stroke... rather than an external meltdown.But the researcher... or teacher... gets to check the box, "Cured." Cuz we're no longer a nuisance to them. And we continue to quietly die. Invisibly. Politely...Inside.That kind of aversion... to fear or pain? True for every living thing at an evolutionary level above a paramecium.Like rats. Or kids. Cuz... FEAR works. PAIN works. Just not the way they think.These Practical Implementation Failures…Should sound pretty familiar. To autistic folks. Keenly aware of the nightmare effort Autistic Masking demands around Straight Society.So, look, we know masking doesn't work. Or fear. Or PAIN. We're dying from them already.That's all the words we need.Add to this our difficulty forming new habits, maintaining routines, and processing cognitive information differently. Under stress… which therapy itself can induce… we often revert to previous behaviors. Any “improvements” from “techniques”? Not bloody likely they're ingrained as permanent muscle memory.Requiring frequent refresher sessions to maintain the illusion of change… and progress.As one commenter wrote: "To me, CBT has always felt inherently surface-level. It's like closing a few tabs on your browser as opposed to doing a factory reset."Biggest problem of all? Neurodivergent Diversity.Autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, dyslexic, dyspraxic… all different cognitive profiles.Sure, we're all different from the typical population. But an autistic who also experiences ADHD thinks and acts differently than a dyslexic one. At least to my trained observation. I was a mental health social worker for 10 years…Despite these complexities… Maybe because it is complex… It seems to me that CBT treats us all as if we're standard-model humans. With a few bugs to fix.We require GENERATIONAL studies of representative populations to sort this spaghetti pile out. Before we should be recommending these techniques.On living humans. Adults. And especially kids.ABA and Its Relatives: An Even Deeper Hole.Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) deserves special mention. It's the behavioral therapy most parents hear about in grammar schools.What most don't know? ABA shares roots with debunked, torturous gay Conversion Therapy. Outlawed in many states. Both were developed by O. Ivar Lovaas in the 60s.Both aim to eliminate "undesirable" behaviors. Using “aversive” techniques. From snapping rubber bands in the nice clinics. To cattle prods in the not-so-nice facilities.Punishing and suppressing behaviors that are natural to our nervous systems. Behaviors that protect us from a society not built for us.ABA may have volumes of "data." But it's all shaped by behaviors researchers and parents want, not what autistic children or adults need. The outcomes measured? Eye contact. Sitting still. Verbal responses. Not internal autistic wellbeing.It's important to understand one simple point. Data is not science.How you frame your research or experiment How you gather your data How you choose how many subjects and whom When you choose to gather data How you interpret your data How you present your dataAll impact its validity and value. ABA and all its camouflaged cousins fall down on this core scientific truth.Bottom line? When former ABA children grow up, many report trauma. PTSD. Anxiety. Depression. Self-harm.ConclusionFuck #ABA. Fuck #CBT.Everybody in the therapeutic-industrial complex from clinic receptionist to billionaire pharmaceutical CEO makes money. From your kid's pain. Caused by treatments that don't address neurodivergent needs. As far as I… and better-known neurodiversity-affirming authorities… can tell.Strong words? Yes. Because minds… and lives… are at stake.We need therapies that work WITH our neurology, not against it. That build on our strengths instead of calling us coolly, professionally, pathologizing names.In Part 3, we'll really bring this all home. How labeling our intrinsic differences as disease is about as anti-therapeutic as you can get.We'll explore "PDA… Not Every Difference Is a Disease." And really raise a ruckus.OutroFor your deeper diving pleasure, the transcript contains references and footnotes for most points I raise. From a variety of views.Hey, don't forget, you can download Part 1, “Autistic Resilience.” Or download both parts as one file.More coming in this series exploring how neurodivergent folks can build sustainable, authentic lives… with or without professional intervention. With 2 more parts coming…AutisticAF Out Loud podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. If you have a friend or family member touched by neurodiversity? Why not turn them on to us with a quick email?By the way, we believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content.Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them. Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. I put both links in description.References & Further Reading1: Ableist: Discriminating against people with disabilities by assuming everyone's mind and body work the same way. Like designing a world only for the "standard model human" and then blaming us when we can't navigate it.2: Operant conditioning: A learning process in which behavior is shaped by rewards or punishments.3: Beck, A. T. (1979). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. Penguin.4: Bottema-Beutel, K., & Crowley, S. (2021). Pervasive Undisclosed Conflicts of Interest in Applied Behavior Analysis Autism Literature. Frontiers in Psychology, 12.5: Cage, E., Di Monaco, J., & Newell, V. (2018). Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 48(2), 473-484.6: Masking: The act of concealing one's autistic traits to fit in or avoid negative attention.7: Meta-analyses show that waitlist control groups often overestimate the effect sizes of psychotherapies for depression and anxiety, and that changes occurring during waitlist periods are typically small, making waitlist-controlled trials a less strict test of effectiveness.Cuijpers, P., Karyotaki, E., Reijnders, M., Purgato, M., de Wit, L., Ebert, D. D., ... & Furukawa, T. A. (2024). Overestimation of the effect sizes of psychotherapies for depression in waitlist-controlled trials: a meta-analytic comparison with usual care controlled trials. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 33, e10.8: Patterson, B., Boyle, M. H., Kivlenieks, M., & Van Ameringen, M. (2016). The use of waitlists as control conditions in anxiety disorders research. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 41, 56-64.9: Boucher, J., Mayes, A., & Bigham, S. (2012). Memory in autistic spectrum disorder. Psychological Bulletin, 138(3), 458-496.10: Happé, F., & Frith, U. (2006). The weak coherence account: detail-focused cognitive style in autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 36(1), 5-25.11: Rekers, G. A., & Lovaas, O. I. (1974). Behavioral treatment of deviant sex-role behaviors in a male child. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 7(2), 173–190.See also: El Dewar (2024), "ABA: The Neuro-Normative Conversion Therapy," NDConnection; and the Lovaas Institute's 2024 statement regarding conversion therapy.12: Sandoval-Norton, A. H., & Shkedy, G. (2019). How much compliance is too much compliance: Is long-term ABA therapy abuse? Cogent Psychology, 6(1).13: McGill, O., & Robinson, A. (2020). "Recalling hidden harms": Autistic experiences of childhood Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA). Advances in Autism, ahead-of-print.14: Xie, Y., Zhang, Y., Li, Y., et al. (2021). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Systematic Review. Pediatrics, 147(5), e2020049880.81015: Weston, L., Hodgekins, J., & Langdon, P. E. (2016). Effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy with people who have autistic spectrum disorders: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 49, 41-54.16: Miguel, C., Harrer, M., Cuijpers, P., et al. (2025). Self-reports vs clinician ratings of efficacies of psychotherapies for depression: a meta-analysis. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 34, e9.Note: Links are provided for reference only. Views expressed may differ from my own experiences and observations. Sources affiliated with Autism Speaks are controversial in the neurodiversity community. Their research may be included for completeness. But perhaps be cautious.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click below to receive new posts… free. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

Paul L. Singer, Beth Bolen Chun, Abigail Stempson, Zach Cihlar Utilizing regulatory powers under its UDAP law, the Missouri Merchandising Practices Act (the ​“MMPA”), Missouri Attorney General Andrew Bailey announced a new rule, codified as 15 C.S.R § 60-19, that would prohibit social media companies from requiring their users to rely on the company's in-house content moderation algorithm. Instead, social media companies must offer ​“algorithmic choice” to users. In a press release, the Missouri AG called the rule the first of its kind in the nation.

Commentary by Dr. Jian'an Wang.

The Trump administration rescinded federal guidance that required emergency rooms to provide an abortion if the procedure would save a patient’s life. The Biden-era guidance argued the Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act required hospitals to provide treatment during a medical emergency, even in states with near-total abortion bans. Geoff Bennett discussed more with Sarah Varney. PBS News is supported by - https://www.pbs.org/newshour/about/funders

AP correspondent Ed Donahue reports on a change in guidance on abortion.

As I mention within this podcast this is what I learned in NLP as the appropriate steps to step into the highest version of yourself, while adding my own personal touch of syllable cadence. Enjoy while first waking up and before you go to sleep, or used as background noise for things, all are based in the theta brain state timing wise.

Bill Bruch explains a proposed initiative to require verification of citizenship for voter registration in Washington state and its potential impact for 2026 and beyond. https://www.clarkcountytoday.com/opinion/opinion-proposed-initiative-to-the-legislature-requiring-verification-of-citizenship-for-voter-registration/ #ClarkCounty #localnews #Opinion #WAStateGOP #voterregistration #citizenshipverification #Washington #ClarkCountyToday #directdemocracy #HB1585

A bill requiring classroom displays of the Ten Commandments in public schools passed the Texas House on Sunday. The 82-46 vote sends the proposal back to the Senate before it goes to Gov. Greg Abbott. In other news, Texas is on the verge of banning the use of nondisclosure agreements to silence sexual abuse survivors after a key House vote Sunday. The ban would prevent NDAs from being used to prevent a survivor of sexual assault, aggravated sexual assault, human trafficking or child sexual abuse from disclosing their abuse to others; a woman turned herself into police Wednesday following a fatal wrong-way crash in South Dallas earlier this month, police said; and the Dallas Stars now find themselves in a 2-1 hole after a 6-1 loss to the Edmonton Oilers on Sunday. Connor McDavid and Zach Hyman each scored a pair of goals and Oilers goalie Stuart Skinner made 31 saves. It marked the first time the Stars dropped back-to-back playoff games since this matchup against Edmonton last year. Game four of the series will be Tuesday in Edmonton.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

AP's Lisa Dwyer reports on a new order over the operations of DOGE.

AP's Lisa Dwyer reports on a new ruling over the requirement on abortion coverage for pregnant workers.

I've never highlighted a book as much as They're Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship.  It's my favorite book in 2025! Watch the Video Interview Author Dr. Isabelle Morley gives us a timely book that rejects the reckless proliferation of the following terms:  Sociopath Psychopath Love bomb Narcissist Boundaries Borderline Toxic Gaslighting Who is Dr. Isabelle Morley? Dr. Morley is not a chronic gaslighter trying to convince the world that she doesn't gaslight by writing a book about it. Here's her resume: Author of Navigating Intimacy and They're Not Gaslighting You Co-host of the podcast Romcom Rescue Contributor to Psychology Today Advisory Board Member of the Keepler app Founding Board Member of UCAN Member of the American Psychological Association Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) The Gottman Method – Completed Levels 1 and 2 Relational Life Therapy – Completed Level 1 PsyD in Clinical Psychology from William James College, 2015 Doctoral project researching hookup culture's impact on relationship formation, 2015 Master's in Professional Psychology from William James College, 2013 Bachelor of Arts from Tufts University, 2011 My Fatima Story I dated a woman for two years. Let's call her Fatima. In the second half of our relationship, Fatima bombarded me with many of the highly charged and often misused words listed above. After she dumped me the fifth and final time, I finally pushed back on her barrage of accusations. I said to her, “So, you truly believe I'm a narcissist? Let's look up the clinical definition of a narcissist and see how I stack up.” She agreed. Perplexity wrote: To be clinically considered as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) according to the DSM-5, an individual must exhibit at least five out of nine specific characteristics. These characteristics, as summarized by the acronym “SPECIAL ME,” include: Sense of self-importance Exaggerating achievements and expecting to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements. Preoccupation Being preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love Entitled Having unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations. Can only be around people who are important or special Believing that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). Interpersonally exploitative Taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Arrogant Showing arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. Lack empathy Being unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. Must be admired Requiring excessive admiration. Envious Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them. These symptoms must be pervasive, apparent in various social situations, and consistently rigid over time. A qualified healthcare professional typically diagnoses NPD through a clinical interview. The traits should also substantially differ from social norms. I asked her how many of these nine characteristics I exhibited consistently, pervasively, and in many social situations. She agreed that I was nowhere near five of the nine. Admittedly, I sometimes exhibited some of these nine characteristics in my intimate relationship with Fatima. I'm certainly guilty of that. However, to qualify as a true narcissist, you must display at least five of these nine characteristics often and with most people, not just your partner. To her credit, my ex-girlfriend sheepishly backed down from that accusation, saying, “You're right, Francis, you're not a narcissist.” Later, I would educate her (or, as she would say, “mansplain”) about another of her favorite words: gaslighting. I mansplained by sending her a video clip of renowned couples therapist Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, who explained why standard disagreements and having different perspectives aren't gaslighting. Soon after explaining that, Mrs. Gottman explains why, in some ways, “everybody is narcissistic.” Watch 6 minutes from 1:35:30 to 1:41:30: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9kPmiV0B34&t=5730s After listening to an expert define gaslighting, Fatima apologized for incorrectly using the term. This is what I loved about Fatima: she wouldn't stubbornly cling to her position when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. This is a rare trait I cherish. Narcissists and sociopaths are about 1% of the population, so it's highly unlikely that all your exes are narcissists and sociopaths. Still, Fatima flung other popular, misused terms at me. She loved talking about “boundaries” and “red flags.” According to Dr. Morley, my ex “weaponized therapy speak.”   Dr. Morley writes, “It's not a new phenomenon for people to use therapy terms casually, even flippantly, to describe themselves or other people. How long have we referred to someone as a ‘psycho' when they're acting irrationally or being mean?” Although weaponized therapy speak isn't new, it's ubiquitous nowadays. Dr. Morley's book sounds the alarm that it's out of control and dangerous. Three types of people would benefit from Dr. Morley's book: People like Fatima: Does someone you know tend to denigrate people using therapy speak? Are they intelligent, rational, and open-minded like Fatima? If so, they must read this book to recalibrate how they use these powerful words. People like me: Are you (or someone you know) accused of being a psychopath, a gaslighter, or a person with OCD? Actual victims: The explosion of use of these powerful words has diluted their meaning. As a result, the real victims of narcissists and sociopaths are now belittled. Their true suffering is minimized when every other person has a sociopath in their life. Their grievances are severe. Let's not equate our relationship problems with their terror. I'll list some of my favorite chapter titles, which will give you a flavor of the book's message: Chapter 4: Are They Gaslighting You, or Do They Just Disagree? Chapter 5: Do They Have OCD, or Are They Just Particular? Chapter 6: Is It a Red Flag, or Are They Just Imperfect? Chapter 7: Are They a Narcissist, or Did They Just Hurt Your Feelings? Chapter 9: Are They a Sociopath, or Do They Just Like You Less Than you Like Them? Chapter 11: Did They Violate Your Boundaries, or Did They Just Not Know How You Felt? I will quote extensively to encourage everyone to buy Dr. Mosley's book. Most quotations are self-explanatory, but sometimes I will offer personal commentary. Excerpts The trend of weaponized therapy speak marks something very different. These days, clinical words are wielded, sincerely and self-righteously, to lay unilateral blame on one person in a relationship while excusing the other from any wrongdoing. ========== Many times, we use these words as protective measures to help us avoid abusive partners and reduce our risk of “wasting” time or emotional energy on family or friends who don't deserve it. But using these terms can also absolve people from taking responsibility for their actions in their relationships. They can say, “I had to do that because of my obsessive-compulsive disorder” or “We didn't work out because she's a narcissist,” instead of doing the hard work of seeing their part in the problem and addressing the issues behind it. As a couples therapist, I'm particularly concerned with how the enthusiastic but inaccurate embrace of clinical terminology has made it harder to sustain healthy romantic attachments. With Fatima, our relationship woes were always my fault because I crossed her “boundaries” and I was a “narcissist.” If I disagreed, I was “gaslighting” her. Or I was being “defensive” instead of apologizing. And when I apologized, I did so incorrectly because I offered excuses after saying I'm sorry (she was right about that). The point is that she used weaponized therapy speak to demonize me, alleviating herself from the burden of considering that perhaps she shared some of the responsibility for our woes. ========== Their friend doesn't agree with their warped view of an event or their disproportionate reaction? The friend is an empathy-lacking narcissist who is actively gaslighting them. ========== In one memorable session of mine, a client managed to accuse their partner of narcissism, gaslighting, love bombing, blaming the victim, lacking accountability, having no empathy, and being generally abusive, manipulative, and toxic . . . all within twenty minutes. Although Fatima and I went to couples therapy, I don't remember Dr. Mosley being our facilitator, but that sure sounds like Fatima! LOL! ========== I'm certified in emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT), which is a type of couples therapy based on attachment theory. ========== For example, if you feel like a failure for letting your partner down, you might immediately minimize your partner's feelings and tell them they shouldn't react so strongly to such a small issue. (For anyone wondering, this isn't gaslighting.) That makes them feel unheard and unimportant, so they get even more upset, which makes you dismiss their reaction as dramatic, and round and round it goes. Welcome to my world with Fatima! ========== You could claim your partner is toxic and borderline because they're emotionally volatile and unforgiving. You could say their feelings are disproportionate to the problem, and their verbal assault is bordering on abusive. But your partner could say that you are a narcissist who is gaslighting them by refusing to acknowledge their feelings, showing no empathy for the distress your tardiness caused, and shifting the blame to them (just like a narcissist would!). You'd both be wrong, of course, but you can see how these conclusions could happen. ========== Weaponized therapy speak is our attempt to understand people and situations in our lives, yes, but it is also a strategy to avoid responsibility. It puts the blame solely on the other person and allows us to ignore our part. ========== However, the vast majority of partners and friends are not sociopaths, narcissists, or abusers. They're just flawed. They're insecure, demanding, controlling, emotional, or any number of adjectives, but these traits alone aren't pathological. ========== But doing such things now and then in our relational histories, or doing them often in just one relationship, doesn't mean we have a personality disorder. These diagnoses are reserved for people who exhibit a persistent pattern of maladaptive behaviors in most or all of their close relationships. ========== I wasn't an abusive partner. I was a messy newcomer to relationships, as we usually are in our teens and twenties, trying my best to navigate my feelings while following bad examples from television and making plenty of other blunders along the way. Stonewalling was immature and an unhelpful way of coping, but it wasn't abuse. ========== If we're looking for a partner who will always do the right thing, even in the hardest moments, we're only setting ourselves up for disappointment. As I mentioned before, really good people can behave really badly. ========== If we don't know the difference between abusive behavior and normal problematic behavior, we're at risk for either accepting abuse (thinking that it's just a hard time) or, alternatively, throwing away a perfectly good relationship because we can't accept any flaws or mistakes. Alas, Fatima threw away a perfectly good relationship. I was her second boyfriend. Her lack of experience made her underappreciate what we had. She'll figure it out with the next guy. ========== Disagreeing with someone, thinking your loved one is objectively wrong, arguing about what really happened and what was actually said, trying to find your way to the one and only “truth”—these are things that most people do. They are not helpful or effective, but they also are not gaslighting. ========== “What? I didn't say yes to seeing it, Cece. I said yes to finding houses we both liked and visiting them. Sometimes you just hear what you want to and then get mad at me when you realize it's not what I actually said,” Meg answers. “Stop gaslighting me! Don't tell me what happened. I remember exactly what you said! You told me yes to this open house and then changed your mind, and I'm upset about it. I'm allowed to be upset about it; don't invalidate my feelings!” Cece says, her frustration growing. Meg feels surprised and nervous. She didn't think she was gaslighting Cece, which is exactly what she says. “I didn't mean to gaslight you. I just remember this differently. I don't remember saying I would go to this open house, so that's why I don't understand why you're this upset.” “Yes, you are gaslighting me because you're trying to convince me that what I clearly remember happening didn't happen. But you can't gaslight me because I'm positive I'm right.” ========== Cece's accusation of gaslighting quickly shut down the conversation, labeling Meg as a terrible partner and allowing Cece to exit the conversation as the victor. ========== I find gaslighting to be one of the harder labels to deal with in my clinical work for three reasons: 1. Accusations of gaslighting are incredibly common. I hear accusations of gaslighting at least once a week, and yet it's only been accurate about five times in my entire clinical career. Boyfriend didn't agree with what time you were meeting for dinner? Gaslighting. Spouse said you didn't tell them to pick up milk on the way home, but you swear you did? Gaslighting. ========== You could say, “I want you to know that I really understand your perspective on this. I see things differently, but your experience is valid, and it makes sense. I'm not trying to convince you that you're wrong and I'm right, and I'm sorry if I came across that way.” WHAT IS VALIDATION? Validation is another word that suffers from frequent misuse. People demand validation, but what they're really asking for is agreement. And if someone doesn't agree, they call it toxic. Here's the thing, though: Validation is not the same as agreement. ========== You can disagree in your head but still validate how they feel: “Hey, you're not crazy. I see why you'd feel that way. It makes sense to me. I'd probably feel that way too if I were in your shoes, experiencing our interaction the way you did. I care about your feelings.” ========== “I bet it felt really awful to have me challenge your experience and make you feel like it wasn't right or valid.” I regret I learned this lesson too late with Fatima. I was too slow to validate her feelings. We learn something in every relationship. Ideally, our partner is patient with us as we stumble through the learning process, often repeating the same error until we form a new habit. However, Fatima ran out of patience with me. I couldn't change fast enough for her, even though I was eager to learn and dying to please her. By the time I began to learn about proper validation and apologies, she had given up on me. ========== My husband, Lucas, hates it when lids aren't properly put on jars. You know, when a lid is half on and still loose or haphazardly tightened and askew? I, on the other hand, could not care less. I am the only perpetrator of putting lids on wrong in our house. I barely screw on the top to the pickles, peanut butter, medications, water bottles, or food storage containers. I don't even realize that I do it because I care so little about it. This drives Lucas absolutely crazy. I love this example because it's what I would repeatedly tell Fatima: some habits are hard to break. Dr. Mosley knows her husband hates half-closed jars, but she struggles to comply with his wishes. We're imperfect creatures. ========== Is your partner always leaving a wet towel on the floor after showering? Red flag—they're irresponsible and will expect you to clean up after them. Is your friend bad at texting to let you know when they're behind schedule? Red flag—they're selfish, inconsiderate, and don't value your time. It's all too easy to weaponize this term in a relationship, in hopes that it will shame the other person into changing. ========== People aren't perfect. Individually, we're messy, and in relationships, we're much messier. We all make mistakes, sometimes repeatedly for our entire lives. Instead of labeling all unwanted behaviors as red flags and expecting change or running away altogether, try a new approach: Identify why those behaviors hurt you and share that with your loved one instead. ========== When confronted with the knowledge that we've hurt someone, many of us become defensive. We hate the idea of hurting the person we love and since we usually didn't intend to hurt them, we start explaining why our actions weren't that bad and why they shouldn't feel upset. It comes from a place of inadequacy, self-criticism, and remorse. If the other person responds like this but you can tell they care about your pain, this may be a good time to give them some grace in the form of empathy and time. Wait a few hours or even a few days, then try the conversation again. For every criticism I had about Fatima's behavior, she had 20 criticisms about my behavior. As a result, I had many more opportunities to fall into the trap of becoming defensive. It's so hard to resist. I'm still working on that front. ========== We all have a touch of narcissism, which can get bigger at certain points in life, ========== Conflicts are upsetting, and we've all developed ways of protecting ourselves, whether it's getting loud to be heard or emotionally withdrawing to prevent a panic attack. Underneath these less-than-ideal responses, though, we feel awful. We feel scared, insecure, inadequate, unimportant, and alone. We hate fighting with our loved ones, and we really hate that we've hurt them, especially unknowingly. We're not being defensive because we have a narcissistic belief in our own superiority; we're doing it because we're terrified that the person won't understand us and will see us negatively, so we need to show them our side and explain to them why we aren't to blame. ========== But whether it's an inflated ego, vanity, self-absorption, or just unusually healthy confidence, these traits do not make a narcissist. To have NPD, the person must also require external validation and admiration, and to be seen as superior to others. This is the difference between a big ego and grandiosity. Grandiosity goes several steps beyond confidence—it's a near-delusional sense of importance, where someone exaggerates their achievements and expects others to see them as superior. ========== Some people suck. They're immature, mean, selfish, and unremorseful. Some people don't respect other people in their lives. They lie and they cheat, and they don't care that it hurts others. But they can be all these things and still not be a narcissist. There's a lot of room for people to be awful without meeting the criteria for a personality disorder, and that's because (you guessed it!) people are flawed. Some people feel justified in behaving badly, while others just don't know any better yet. Our growth is messy and not linear. ========== The reality is that anyone who genuinely worries that they are a narcissist, probably isn't. That level of openness and willingness to self-reflect is not typical of a narcissist. Plus, narcissists don't tend to believe or care that they've hurt others, whereas my clients are deeply distressed by the possibility that they've unknowingly caused others pain. ========== As with gaslighting, I have rarely seen people accurately diagnose narcissism. To put it bluntly, I have never seen a client in a couples therapy session call their partner a narcissist and be right. In fact, the person misusing the label usually tends to be more narcissistic and have more therapy work to do than their partner. ========== person involved with a narcissist to accurately identify the disorder because people with NPD are great at making other people think they are the problem. It's an insidious process, and rarely do people realize what's happening until others point it out to them or the narcissist harshly devalues or leaves them. Now, you might be in a relationship with someone who has NPD, but instead of jumping to “narcissist!” it's helpful to use other adjectives and be more specific about your concerns. Saying that a certain behavior was selfish or that a person seems unremorseful is more exact than calling them a narcissist. ========== Love bombing can happen at any point in a relationship, but it's most often seen at the start. ========== Love bombing is also a typical follow-up to fights. ========== Humans are a complicated species. Despite our amazing cognitive capacities and our innate desire to be good (well, most of us anyway), we often cause harm. People act in ways that can damage their relationships, both intentionally and unknowingly, but that doesn't make them sociopaths. In fact, anyone in a close and meaningful relationship will end up hurting the other person and will also end up getting hurt at some point because close relationships inevitably involve a degree of pain, be it disappointment, sadness, anger, or frustration. Even when we're doing our best, we hurt each other. We can't equate normal missteps and hurt with sociopathy. ========== People love to call their exes sociopaths, just like they love calling them narcissists. Dr. Mosley focuses on the term sociopath because it's more popular nowadays than the term psychopath, but they both suffer from misuse and overuse, she says. If your partner (or you) use the term psychopath often, then in the following excerpts, replace the word “sociopath” with “psychopath.” ========== calling someone a sociopath is extreme. You're calling them out as a human who has an underdeveloped (or nonexistent) capacity to be a law-abiding, respectful, moral member of society. And in doing so, you're saying they were the entire problem in your relationship. Unless you were with a person who displayed a variety of extreme behaviors that qualify as ASPD, that conclusion isn't fair, accurate, or serving you. Again, you're missing out on the opportunity to reflect on your part in the problem, examine how you could have been more effective in the relationship, and identify how you can change for the better in your next relationship. If you label your ex a sociopath and call it a day, you're cutting yourself short. ========== Let the record show that I have never seen someone use the term sociopath correctly in their relationship. ========== some boundaries are universal and uncrossable, but the majority are personal preferences that need to be expressed and, at times, negotiated. Claiming a boundary violation is a quick and easy way to control someone's behavior, and that's why it's important to clarify what this phrase means and how to healthily navigate boundaries in a relationship. Fatima loved to remind me of and enforce her “boundaries.” It was a long list, so I inevitably crossed them, which led to drama. ========== There are some boundaries we all agree are important and should be uncrossable—I call these universal boundaries. Violating universal boundaries, especially when done repeatedly without remorse or regard for the impact it has on the other person, amounts to abuse. ========== The main [universal boundaries] are emotional, physical, sexual, and financial boundaries ========== Outside of these universal, uncrossable boundaries, there are also individual boundaries. Rather than applying to all people, these boundaries are specific to the person and defined by their own preferences and needs. As such, they are flexible, fluid over time, and full of nuance. If they are crossed, it can be uncomfortable, but it isn't necessarily abuse. ========== boundary is a line drawn to ensure safety and autonomy, whereas a preference is something that would make you feel happy but is not integral to your sense of relational security or independence. ========== While a well-adjusted person might start a dialogue about how to negotiate an individual boundary in a way that honors both partners' needs, an abusive person will never consider if their boundary can be shifted or why it might be damaging or significantly limiting to the other person. Instead, they will accuse, blame, and manipulate their partner as their way of keeping that person within their controlling limits. ========== The point is that as we go through life, our boundaries shift. As you can see, this is part of what makes it difficult for people to anticipate or assess boundary violations. If you expect and demand that the people close to you honor your specific boundaries on certain topics, but you're not telling them what the boundaries are or when and how they've changed, you're setting your loved ones up for failure. ========== And again, people unknowingly cross each other's individual boundaries all the time. It's simply inevitable. ========== It will create an unnecessary and unproductive rift. 3. We Mistake Preferences for Boundaries Boundaries protect our needs for safety and security. Preferences promote feelings of happiness, pleasure, or calm. When someone crosses a boundary, it compromises our physical or mental health. When someone disregards a preference, we may feel annoyed, but it doesn't pose a risk to our well-being. ========== You've Been Accused of Violating a Boundary If you're in a close relationship, chances are you're going to violate the other person's boundaries at some point. This is especially likely if the person has not told you what boundaries are important to them. However, you might also be unjustly accused of violating a boundary, perhaps a boundary you didn't know about or a preference masquerading as a boundary, and you'll need to know what to do. ========== I never thought of telling Fatima that she was “borderline.” It helps that I didn't know what the term meant. Dr. Mosley says that a person must have several of the “borderline” characteristics to have borderline personality disorder (BPD). Fatima only had one of them, so she did not have BPD. Here's the only BPD trait she exhibited: Stormy, intense, and chaotic relationships: Have relationships that tend to be characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation in which the person with BPD idolizes someone one moment and then vilifies them the next. Because they struggle to see others in a consistent and nuanced way, their relationships go through tumultuous ups and downs, where they desire intense closeness one minute and then reject the person the next. Fatima promised me, “I will love you forever,” “I want to marry you,” “I will be with you until death,” “I'll never leave you,” and other similar extreme promises. Three days later, she would dump me and tell me she never wanted to get back together. Two days later, she apologized and wanted to reunite. Soon, she would be making her over-the-top romantic declarations again. She'd write them and say them repeatedly, not just while making love. Eventually, I'd fuck up again. Instead of collaborating to prevent further fuck ups, Fatima would simply break up with me with little to no discussion. This would naturally make me question her sincerity when she repeatedly made her I-will-be-with-you-forever promises. You might wonder why I was so fucking stupid to reunite with her after she did that a couple of times. Why did I always beg her to reconsider and reunite with me even after we repeated the pattern four times? (The fifth time she dumped me was the last time.) Humans are messy. I expect imperfection. I know my loved one will repeatedly do stupid shit because I sure will. So, I forgave her knee-jerk breakup reaction because I knew she didn't do it out of malice. She did it to protect herself. She was in pain. She thought that pulling the plug would halt the pain. That's reasonable but wrong. That doesn't matter. She's learning, I figured. I need to be patient. I was hopeful we'd break the pattern and learn how to deal with conflict maturely. We didn't. I'm confident she'll figure it out soon, just like I learned from my mistakes with her. ========== If I had to pick one word to describe people with BPD, it would be unstable. Fatima was unstable in a narrow situation: only with one person (me) and only when the shit hit the fan with me. Aside from that, she was highly stable. Hence, it would have been ludicrous if I accused her of having Borderline Personality Disorder. Luckily, I never knew the overused borderline term; even if I did, I wouldn't be tempted to use it on her. ========== Just as with red flags, we all exhibit some toxic behaviors at times. I don't know anyone who has lived a toxic-free existence. Sometimes we go through tough phases where our communication and coping skills are down, and we'll act more toxically than we might normally; this doesn't make us a toxic person. Indeed, many romantic relationships go through toxic episodes, if you will (should we make “toxic episode” a thing?), where people aren't communicating well, are escalating conflicts, and are generally behaving badly. We need to normalize a certain level of temporary or situational toxicity while also specifying what we mean by saying “toxic.” This is the only way we can determine whether the relationship needs help or needs ending. ========== trauma is itself a heavy, often misunderstood word. Its original meaning referenced what we now call “big T” trauma: life-threatening events such as going to war or surviving a car crash. Nowadays, we also talk about “little t” trauma: events that cause significant distress but aren't truly life-threatening, like being bullied in school or having an emotionally inconsistent parent. ========== Avoiding relationships with anyone who triggers hard feelings will mean a very lonely existence. ========== a trauma bond is the connection that survivors feel with their abuser. ========== A captured soldier who defends his captors? That person is, in fact, trauma bonded. ========== soldiers aren't trauma bonded after going to war together; they're socially bonded, albeit in an unusually deep way. A captured soldier who defends his captors? That person is, in fact, trauma bonded. ========== None of us get to have a happy relationship without hard times and hard work. It's normal and okay to sometimes struggle with the person you're close to or love. When the struggle happens, don't despair. Within the struggle are opportunities to invest in the relationship and grow, individually and together. ========== If you determine your relationship is in a tough spot but not abusive, now's the time for some hard relational work. A good cocktail for working on your relationship is specificity, vulnerability, and commitment. ========== Making a relationship work requires you and your loved ones to self-reflect, take responsibility, and change. This process won't just happen once; it's a constant cycle you'll go through repeatedly over the course of the relationship. You'll both need to look at yourselves, own what you've done wrong or could do better, and work to improve. Nobody is ever finished learning and growing, not individually and certainly not in a relationship. But that's what can be so great about being in a relationship: It's a never-ending opportunity to become a better person. And when you mess up (because trust me, you will), be kind to yourself. As I keep saying, humans are wonderfully imperfect. Even when we know what to do, sometimes we just don't or can't do it. ========== In this world of messy humans, how do you know who will be a good person for you to be with? My answer: Choose someone who wants to keep doing the work with you. There is no perfect person or partner for you, no magical human that won't ever hurt, irritate, enrage, or overwhelm you. Being in close relationships inevitably leads to big, scary feelings at times, so pick someone who wants to get through the dark times with you. Remember that when people are behaving badly in a desperate attempt to connect—not control—they'll be able to look at themselves, recognize the bad behavior, and change. Pick someone who has the willingness to self-reflect and grow, even if it's hard. Someone who will hang in there, even during your worst fights, and ultimately say, “Listen, this is awful, and I don't want to keep arguing like this, but I love you and I want to figure this out with you.” Wow. So well said. And this, in a paragraph, explains where Fatima and I failed. I dislike pointing fingers at my ex when explaining why we broke up. I made 90% of the mistakes in my relationship with Fatima, so I bear most of the responsibility. However, Fatima was the weaker one on one metric: having someone who wants to collaborate to make a beautiful relationship despite the hardships. The evident proof is that she dumped me five times, whereas I never dumped her or even threatened to dump her. I always wanted to use our problems as a chance to learn and improve. Fatima used them as an excuse to quit. She tried. She really did. However, she lacked the commitment Dr. Mosley discussed in that paragraph. Perhaps another man will inspire Fatima to find the strength and courage to bounce back and not throw in the towel. Or maybe she will mature and evolve to a point where she can be with someone less compatible than I was for her. She would often declare, “Francis, we're incompatible.” I'd say, “No, we are compatible; we have incompatibilities. Everyone has incompatibilities. We just need to work through them. If there is a willingness to collaborate, we can solve any incompatibility. The only couples who are truly incompatible are the ones where one or both individuals refuse to budge or learn. We can overcome countless incompatibilities as long as we both want to be together.” ========== We have wounds and scars and bad habits. We rely on ineffective but protective coping mechanisms. We push others away when we're hurt or scared. ========== Everyone behaves badly sometimes. But even then, odds are they're not gaslighting you. Conclusion I'll repeat: They're Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship is my favorite book in 2025! Buy it! Feedback Leave anonymous audio feedback at SpeakPipe More info You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my newsletter at http://wanderlearn.com. If you like this podcast, subscribe and share!  On social media, my username is always FTapon. Connect with me on: Facebook Twitter YouTube Instagram TikTok LinkedIn Pinterest Tumblr My Patrons sponsored this show! Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron at http://Patreon.com/FTapon Rewards start at just $2/month! Affiliate links Get 25% off when you sign up to Trusted Housesitters, a site that helps you find sitters or homes to sit in. Start your podcast with my company, Podbean, and get one month free! In the USA, I recommend trading crypto with Kraken.  Outside the USA, trade crypto with Binance and get 5% off your trading fees! For backpacking gear, buy from Gossamer Gear.

Last week was the first public hearing for a Wisconsin bill that would force local sheriff's departments to work with and assist Immigration and Customs Enforcement, or ICE.

OpeningGolfPGA Championship at Quail Hollow. 156 players. Top 70 make cut. Qualification CriteriaCalifornia Budget$12 billion budget deficit.  Newsom is proposing to close the deficit by rolling back state-funded insurance coverage for adults without legal immigration status, cutting coverage for weight loss drugs like OzempicCalifornia: 13.3%Hawaii: 11.0%New York: 10.9%New Jersey: 10.75%Oregon: 9.9%Investing$1000 to every kid. Home Alarm: $45/ monthMarketsTariffsTariff Game Theory: China has to blink because everyday that passes every company is studying and implementing supply chain changes.  So much panic in last month or so.  Now Flat year to dateIf investing on April 7.   You are up 17% and 29% Downturns is when you make money!!! NetflixAll time high: $1182. Up 29% YTD. $500 billion market cap.   Netflix said on Wednesday 94 million subscribers use its advertising-supported tier.BuffetBecoming old. 94 years old. Legend. I'm still pissed he didn't buy Tesla.  CoinbaseRansomTurning it around. Will pay $20m reward to help find attackers!!! Tesla Stilll planning to go live with Robo-taxi in Austin in June. Shares could explode.   $345 today. $480 ATH.    If you bought Tesla 10 years ago. You're up 20x. 35-36% annualized returns.Robots dancing shown to Crown Prince and President Trump in Saudi. Talk in Saudi: Robots and wanting your own C3P0 or R2-D2 and productivity unlock. Universal “High Income”. How are we doing on Robotaxis. Robots on wheels. Bringing robotaxi to the Kingdom.Apple ATH $258. Now at $211. Was $172WHat is a buy-back?More of Eddy Cue testimony here. Alphabet/ GoogleSearch is dead. Cloud, Youtube, Google  Biz suite alive and well.DOGEBig BallsThese kids are so hard core. No weekends. They know they're racing against a media and political clock that won't thank them for their service.Requiring receipts: "They were basically partying on taxpayer money." Recommendations:Friends and NeighborsTheo Von with David Spade. Listening to Ben Affleck.

There have been protests and matches postponed over the past few weeks.

Mirza Umair Khalid, MD, social media editor of JACC: Cardiovascular Interventions, and Patrick Badertscher, MD, discuss analysis from SWISS-TAVI registry regarding long-term outcomes of patients requiring pacemaker implantation after TAVI.

WE"RE ON PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/switchcastSupport our Patreon for exclusive content and to site in LIVE with us each episode we record, and get to experience the podcast a week before it's released. Interact with the hosts during breaks, and participate in a subscriber-only Q&A and discussion.For more information on SwitchCast, check out our website: https://switchcast.live/Articles mentioned in this episode:Trump requiring that truckers speak and read English: https://www.freightwaves.com/news/trump-requiring-that-truckers-speak-and-read-englishBiden Handed Out CDLs Like Candy... Now US Highways Are A Public Safety & National Security Nightmare: https://www.zerohedge.com/political/biden-handed-out-cdls-candy-now-us-highways-are-public-national-security-nightmareDriver connected to deadly I-35 crash out of jail after bond reduced: https://www.kxan.com/news/local/austin/bond-reduced-for-driver-arrested-following-deadly-i-35-crash-in-north-austin/J.D. Power Study Finds Vehicles Built During Pandemic Continue to Frustrate Owners: https://www.cars.com/articles/j-d-power-study-finds-vehicles-built-during-pandemic-continue-to-frustrate-owners-505218/Nearly 30,000 GM V8s Had Already Failed Before They Were Recalled: Internal Docs: https://www.thedrive.com/news/gm-admits-28000-v8s-had-already-failed-ahead-of-massive-recallPlease visit our sponsors:https://sheffieldwatches.com/ - mention "SWITCHCAST"https://www.nuts4sticks.com/ - discount code "SWITCHCAST" for 10% discounthttps://switchcars.comhttps://epicvin.com/?a_aid=vvttz3hc9ogvd- the vehicle history reports you really need. Use our affiliate link!Follow our socials:https://www.facebook.com/SwitchcarsInchttps://www.tiktok.com/@switchcarsdoughttps://www.instagram.com/switchcars

On Episode 832 of WHAT THE TRUCK?!?, Dooner is sharing the trucking industry's reaction to Trump's executive order requiring truck drivers to speak and understand English. The order rescinds a 2016 FMCSA memo that effectively eliminated roadside enforcement of English proficiency.  Adil Ashiq is a former U.S. Merchant Marine captain-turned-supply chain and maritime industry nerd. We'll find out how to navigate tumultuous trade waters. We'll look at maritime employment and the Jones Act.  CloneOps' David Bell talks about who the winners and losers will be in AI lead communication for logistics service providers. Plus, some auto tariffs hit reverse; rate the strap work; 100 truckers vs 1 gorilla, and more.  3:27 Trucking leaders applaud English language Executive Order 12:25 Auto tariffs in reverse? (Craig Video 15:00) 16:14 FreightTech adoption | David Bell 24:51 100 truckers vs 1 gorilla  26:37 Rate the strap work 27:37 Show me the tariffs | Capt. Adil Ashiq 39:57 Maritime policy | Capt. Adil Ashiq 43:25 100 seamen vs 1 gorilla Catch new shows live at noon EDT Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays on FreightWaves LinkedIn, Facebook, X or YouTube, or on demand by looking up WHAT THE TRUCK?!? on your favorite podcast player and at 5 p.m. Eastern on SiriusXM's Road Dog Trucking Channel 146. Watch on YouTube Check out the WTT merch store Visit our sponsor Subscribe to the WTT newsletter Apple Podcasts Spotify More FreightWaves Podcasts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Episode 832 of WHAT THE TRUCK?!?, Dooner is sharing the trucking industry's reaction to Trump's executive order requiring truck drivers to speak and understand English. The order rescinds a 2016 FMCSA memo that effectively eliminated roadside enforcement of English proficiency.  Adil Ashiq is a former U.S. Merchant Marine captain-turned-supply chain and maritime industry nerd. We'll find out how to navigate tumultuous trade waters. We'll look at maritime employment and the Jones Act.  CloneOps' David Bell talks about who the winners and losers will be in AI lead communication for logistics service providers. Plus, some auto tariffs hit reverse; rate the strap work; 100 truckers vs 1 gorilla, and more.  3:27 Trucking leaders applaud English language Executive Order 12:25 Auto tariffs in reverse? (Craig Video 15:00) 16:14 FreightTech adoption | David Bell 24:51 100 truckers vs 1 gorilla  26:37 Rate the strap work 27:37 Show me the tariffs | Capt. Adil Ashiq 39:57 Maritime policy | Capt. Adil Ashiq 43:25 100 seamen vs 1 gorilla Catch new shows live at noon EDT Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays on FreightWaves LinkedIn, Facebook, X or YouTube, or on demand by looking up WHAT THE TRUCK?!? on your favorite podcast player and at 5 p.m. Eastern on SiriusXM's Road Dog Trucking Channel 146. Watch on YouTube Check out the WTT merch store Visit our sponsor Subscribe to the WTT newsletter Apple Podcasts Spotify More FreightWaves Podcasts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The news of Texas covered today includes:Our Lone Star story of the day: Much from the 89th Texas Legislature including: Burrows Blocks Effort Limiting Scholarship Program to US Citizens – ridiculous ruling Following Trump, Texas may recognize Gulf of America ‘Stopping Foreign Adversaries' Land Grabs' Bill Passes House Committee Year-Round Daylight Saving Time Bill Passes Texas House Bill could introduce air conditioning in Texas' sweltering prisons Texas House committee hears proposals to give AG Ken Paxton's office more power [to return powers taken away by a court ruling] McConaughey champions bill to create Texas film incentive fund Texas lawmakers consider barring counties from mailing unsolicited voter registration forms – only a moron could be opposed to what this bill does. Gov't should be neutral to the idea of voting, not working itself and funding others to turn out voters. Requiring voters to prove citizenship spurs concern that eligible Texans won't be able to cast ballots – same arguments used against Voter I.D. which turned out to be untrue. Our Lone Star story of the day is sponsored by Allied Compliance Services providing the best service in DOT, business and personal drug and alcohol testing since 1995.Lubbock County Commissioner Jason Corley joins with TPPF, others, in suing overreaching Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN) rulemaking.ICE is reversing termination of international students' legal status, lawyer says. The whole thing has been an example of why conservatives should always be leery of government work, even the government actions you support. It's been a disaster that makes the original intent look terrible. Don't trust government to anything but that which it must do and then expect incompetence.Listen on the radio, or station stream, at 5pm Central. Click for our radio and streaming affiliates.www.PrattonTexas.com

Back on the show is Adrian Lozano.who first joined us in Episode 217, sharing his journey from firefighter to wholesaling beast. This time, he's breaking down how he gets paid three times on every wholesale deal—by flipping, rehabbing, and earning as a licensed agent.Adrian dives into his Fix, Flip, Wholesale, and Repeat strategy and reveals how to maximize every deal. Learn how to build multiple income streams and scale your wholesaling game.Don't miss this one. Reach out. Level up. Go to TTP Training Program.---------Show notes:(0:55) Beginning of today's episode(3:00) Three ways of getting paid(8:41) Requiring a real estate license(13:56) Have a fifteen day window(16:34) Double closing(20:48) How to convince a cash buyer that you handle everything(23:44) Finding opportunities and be the bank----------Resources:The Millionaire Fastlane by M.J. DeMarcoNational Association of RealtorsMLSReal Estate DisruptorsStunning Homes RealtyLandGlideDealMachine (Code: TTP)PropertyRadarRapid Home OfferEmail Address: adrian@rapidhomeoffer.com Premier International InvestmentsEmail Address: adrian@premierinternationalinvestments.com Adrian on InstagramTo speak with Brent or one of our other expert coaches call (281) 835-4201 or schedule your free discovery call here to learn about our mentorship programs and become part of the TribeGo to Wholesalingincgroup.com to become part of one of the fastest growing Facebook communities in the Wholesaling space. Get all of your burning Wholesaling questions answered, gain access to JV partnerships, and connect with other "success minded" Rhinos in the community.It's 100% free to join. The opportunities in this community are endless, what are you waiting for?

In this case, the court considered this issue: Can a plaintiff state a claim under ERISA's provision prohibiting a plan fiduciary from knowingly engaging in transactions with barred parties, solely by alleging that such a transaction took place?The case was decided on April 17, 2025.The Supreme Court held that To state a claim under Section 1106(a)(1)(C) of ERISA, a plaintiff need only plausibly allege the elements listed in that provision itself: that a plan fiduciary knowingly caused the plan to engage in a transaction involving goods, services, or facilities with a party in interest. The plaintiff is not required to plead that the transaction does not qualify for an exemption under Section 1108. Justice Sonia Sotomayor authored the unanimous opinion of the Court.Section 1106(a)(1)(C) establishes a clear, categorical prohibition on certain transactions between a pension plan and a party in interest. ERISA's structure places relevant exemptions, including those for reasonable and necessary services under Section 1108(b)(2)(A), in a separate statutory provision. Because those exemptions are laid out apart from the prohibitions and refer back to conduct already defined as unlawful, they function as affirmative defenses. As a result, plan fiduciaries who wish to invoke an exemption bear the burden of pleading and proving it. Plaintiffs, on the other hand, are not obliged to anticipate and refute every possible statutory or regulatory exemption.Reading exemptions as affirmative defenses also aligns with longstanding legal principles and avoids unworkable results. Requiring plaintiffs to negate all exemptions—especially when ERISA includes 21 statutory and hundreds of regulatory exemptions—would be impractical and unfair, particularly because the relevant facts are often in the defendant's possession. Procedural safeguards such as pleading requirements, discovery limits, and Rule 11 sanctions enable federal courts to deter and manage meritless litigation without shifting the pleading burden to plaintiffs. Consequently, only the elements in Section 1106(a)(1)(C) must be pleaded to survive a motion to dismiss.Justice Samuel Alito joined the majority opinion in full and authored a concurrence, in which Justices Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh joined.The opinion is presented here in its entirety, but with citations omitted. If you appreciate this episode, please subscribe. Thank you. 

Greg Bishop airs some of the debate from Thursday evening where the Illinois Senate approved a measure requiring safe gun storage with penalties for not reporting lost and stolen firearms.Support this podcast: https://secure.anedot.com/franklin-news-foundation/ce052532-b1e4-41c4-945c-d7ce2f52c38a?source_code=xxxxxx 

A leaked iPhone 17 Pro case reveals a massive camera bump, Shopify's AI-focused hiring strategy, How tariffs will affect Apple's pricing, and we get nostalgic looking back at 50 years of Microsoft.Show Notes via EmailSign up to get exactly one email per week from the Primary Tech guys with the full episode show notes for your perusal. Click here to subscribe.Watch on YouTube!Subscribe and watch our weekly episodes plus bonus clips at: https://youtu.be/Jntcg0eOg6oJoin the CommunityDiscuss new episodes, start your own conversation, and join the Primary Tech community here: social.primarytech.fmSupport the showGet ad-free versions of the show plus exclusive bonus episodes every week! Subscribe directly in Apple Podcasts or here if you want chapters: primarytech.memberful.com/joinReach out:Stephen's YouTube Channel@stephenrobles on ThreadsStephen on BlueskyStephen on Mastodon@stephenrobles on XJason's Inc.com Articles@jasonaten on Threads@JasonAten on XJason on BlueskyJason on MastodonWe would also appreciate a 5-star rating and review in Apple Podcasts and SpotifyPodcast artwork with help from Basic Apple Guy.Those interested in sponsoring the show can reach out to us at: podcast@primarytech.fmLinks from the showScary Numbers Severance Inspired Merch - Basic Apple GuyEmergency SOS on Apple Watch | Rick's Rescue | Apple - YouTubeLeaked iPhone 17 Pro Cases Show Huge Cutout for New Camera Bump - MacRumorsInstagram's Mosseri Positions App for TikTok Turmoil — The InformationShopify Says No New Hires Unless AI Can't Do the Job - WSJMeta gets caught gaming AI benchmarks with Llama 4 | The VergeAnthropic steps up OpenAI competition with Max subscription for ClaudeNintendo delays Switch 2 preorders over tariff concerns | The VergeReport: Apple Airlifted Premium Devices to US to Beat Tariff Deadline - MacRumorsApple iPhone Shipment MathTrump extends TikTok deadline for the second timeApple Customers Dash to Stores to Buy iPhones Ahead of Tariffs - BloombergApple reports record revenue for Q1 2025 (with charts) - Six ColorsThe 50 best things Microsoft has ever made | The VergeDell Venue Pro out does HTC, gets updated to 7.8 | Windows CentralWindows Phone 7 Launch Event - YouTubeI Have 20 Years of Digital Files. What Do I Do With Them? - WSJ (00:00) - Intro (03:34) - Old Tech (06:13) - Watch Survivor Story (07:19) - TV+ The Studio (09:49) - iPhone 17 Pro Case Leak (11:47) - Instagram iPad App (13:26) - iPad Turns 15 (17:17) - Shopify Requiring AI Use (26:30) - Meta Gaming AI Results (29:34) - Stephen's Instagram Debacle (34:57) - Anthropic's $200 Plan (39:58) - Tariff Time (42:52) - Apple's Tariff Strategy (54:44) - 50 Years of Microsoft ★ Support this podcast ★

Hosts: Erin Rider and Andy Cupp  More confusion today for thousands of federal probationary workers recently fired by the Trump administration. A federal judge had ordered the administration to reinstate those employees, saying the process for the firings was a problem. But this morning, the U.S. Supreme Court reversed that lower court's decision. Now, the Trump Administration has the green light to move ahead with the firings and not worry about reinstating those workers. 

AP Washington correspondent Sagar Meghani reports the Supreme Court has stepped into the case of whether the Trump administration legally fired thousands of federal workers.

Send us a textGame Changer Cable transforms traditional cable infrastructure design by extending Ethernet reach to 200 meters, quadrupling coverage area while delivering up to 2.5 Gbps and 100W of PoE.• Simplifying designs by extending Ethernet distance capabilities from 100 meters to 656 feet (200 meters)• Reducing telecommunications room requirements, resulting in valuable real estate savings for clients• Available in multiple varieties including plenum, non-plenum, indoor-outdoor, OSP, hazardous location, and armored versions• Supporting up to 2.5 Gbps bandwidth and 100W of PoE across the extended distance• Cost-effective alternative to fiber solutions or traditional copper with PoE extenders, with documented savings of 70-80%• Compatible with industry standards and eligible for 25-year warranty certification• Requiring fewer specialized technicians and simplifying troubleshooting by eliminating mid-span devices• For distances between 656-850 feet, setting switch ports to 10 Mbps ensures stable connections• Available through major distributors including Anixter, Wesco, ADI, ScanSource, and through Graybar via OmniJoin us Wednesday nights at 6 PM Eastern for live Q&A sessions on TikTok, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook where you can ask your structured cabling and design questions.Support the showKnowledge is power! Make sure to stop by the webpage to buy me a cup of coffee or support the show at https://linktr.ee/letstalkcabling . Also if you would like to be a guest on the show or have a topic for discussion send me an email at chuck@letstalkcabling.com Chuck Bowser RCDD TECH#CBRCDD #RCDD

Secretary of State Steve Simon joins Adam and Jordana to react to Trumps plan to require citizenship to vote.

Tim, Phil, & Mary are joined by Terrence K. Williams to discuss Trump signing an order requiring proof of citizenship to vote, new poll showing the Democrats continue to collapse, Rosie O'Donnell suggesting Trump stole the 2024 election, and outrage over Democrat Jasmine Crockett calling the governor of Texas "Hot Wheels." Hosts: Tim @Timcast (everywhere) Phil @PhilThatRemains (X) Mary @PopCultureCrisis (YouTube) Serge @SergeDotCom (everywhere) Guest: Terrence K. Williams @W_terrence (X) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Assembly Republicans approved a bill that would require Milwaukee to have police officers in its schools. Milwaukee health officials want to test more school children for possible lead poisoning. And, all eyes are on Wisconsin's Supreme Court race. WPR's politics team will debrief how the candidates are handling the limelight.

"PREVIEW: Colleague Grant Newsham discusses the December 2022 law requiring the Biden administration to disclose Chinese Communist Party leadership wealth - a directive that remains unfulfilled. More tonight." 1930 Hong Kong