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If you‘re autistic... Love one... Work with some... Or wonder if you ARE one... Let‘s celebrate #AutisticJoy. Together.

John M. Knapp

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    Trigger Warnings 2: Not Everything's Funny: Colbert, Trump .. & Hiroshima

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 28, 2025 12:32


    Cold OpenI just heard the duly-elected President of these United States... Donald J. Trump... brag about dropping the atom bomb. On Hiroshima.My god.Steven Colbert? Jon Stewart...?Once, these guys were subversive... were daring. But...But with troops still in the California streets and missiles in Mid-Eastern air...Haven't comedians become nauseatingly... tone dead?When the Comedy stops being funny…We're in deep shit. Especially anybody different. Like, say… autistics..[music theme]IntroYou're listening to Trigger Warnings, episode 2 … a new project of AutisticAF Out Loud podcast.I'm Johnny Profane. Your fiercely divergent guide to what's actually happening in the news.Gimme 10 minutes? I'll give you my neurodivergent world.Today: “Not Everything's Funny: Colbert, Trump .. & Hiroshima.” Military deployments in two cities, Constitutional challenges mounting, and one burning question: Are we witnessing democratic norms under assault in real time? And trying to just laugh it off?For an ever deeper dive, I've included footnotes and readings in the subStack.Content Note: civil unrest, military deployment, law enforcement actions, concerns about democratic institutions + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[music theme]ShowAct 1: The Unprecedented BreakI just heard the duly-elected President of these United States... Donald J. Trump... brag about dropping the atom bomb. On Hiroshima.[1]At a NATO summit.In front of the world.My god.Let me tell you what just happened. Because the News? They aren't "reporting" just how fucked up this really is.[music freedom, 8 bars]No President Has Ever Done ThisSince the guy who dropped those bombs in 1945…Harry Truman…stopped defending his decision…cuz he stopped being president in 1952.No American president since… has dared… brag about Hiroshima. Or Nagasaki.[2]Not one.You know why? Because even the worst of them understood something. Those bombs killed 200,000 people.[3] Mostly civilians. Women. Children. Grandparents.Even Eisenhower… the guy American history class sayswon World War II… Even he said the bombing "never ceased troubling me." He called it completely unnecessary.[4]Obama visited Hiroshima in 2016.[5] He didn't apologize. But he didn't brag either.Reagan talked about nuclear weapons. But he said "a nuclear war can never be won."[6]Every president since Truman understood this was serious shit. Sacred ground. You don't joke around about vaporizing cities.Not Trump.He's bragging. Comparing his conventional strikes to atomic bombs. Like it's a video game."We have the best nuclear technology," he said. "The best equipment in the world."Like… nuclear weapons were toys.[music]Trump Just Shattered “Normal”Yesterday at the NATO summit in The Hague, Trump compared his strikes on Iran to Hiroshima.His exact words: "I don't want to use an example of Hiroshima. I don't want to use the example of Nagasaki, that was essentially the same thing. That ended that war, this ended this war."[7]He was bragging. Bragging about nuclear destruction. Like a fucking business deal."That hit ended the war," he said. Chest puffed out. Proud as hell.This is what we've come to. The President casually referencing the incineration of 200,000 humans… as a model for current policy.At an international summit.On camera.With full makeup.[music 8 bars, freedom]You know social media… if you take a sec to hit subscribe, like, share? A lot more people will check it out. Just one click… and you do a lotta good.[music, freedom]The Comedy ProblemHow are we supposed to respond? Where's the outrage?In other words, where are the comedians? Most Gen Z-ers and younger get their news from late night comedy shows.[8]Colbert will try out a "new" joke tonight. Stewart will do his smirk. They'll treat this like another Trump gaffe they can mine for laughs.[9]But it's not funny anymore.Once, these guys were subversive... were daring. But...Haven't they become nauseatingly... tone dead?You can't satirize someone who's already become a parody of human decency. Someone the scriptures of all major religions would label simply… evil?Bragging about mass murder... what the fuck is left to mock?Comedy works when there's a shared understanding of normal. When people have shame. When some lines… you just don't cross.But Trump crossed the biggest. With a smile. Not one objection from a room full of reporters. Just brief sneers from a TV full of comedians.So, Canary-in-the-coal-mine time….When the Comedy stops being funny…We're in deep shit. Especially anyone different. Like, say… autistics…[music]Why This MattersThis isn't about politics. Left or right.This is about what kind of country we are.For 80 years, American presidents understood that Hiroshima was different. Special. Unspeakable.[10]They might defend it…quickly, quietly. Say, “It saved lives.” Then quickly, move on.They understood Power comes with burdens… responsibility, accountability, humanity. That killing 200,000 people isn't something you do a victory spike over.Trump doesn't understand that weight.Or worse... he doesn't care.Ya, know, worse yet? Maybe he does care. About the bullying power that his brutish remarks burn into the world's memory.[music]Act 2: When Institutions FailWith troops still in the California streets, missiles in Mid-Eastern skies… and a Bully-in-Chief in the pulpit…Comedy… and art… fall silent.Corporate News? Well it talks… too much. But it just isn't saying anything. They don't cover reality anymore. They've been cowed into repeating Administration lies… through shell-shocked faces.When the President of the United States casually references nuclear genocide... and we fear he might just use them sometime …within the next two weeks…like all of his jokes…that become threats…that become promises kept to his base…Our cultural tools break down.We don't have frameworks for this.We have jokes for corrupt politicians. For liars. For cheaters. That subversive humor can shed a light into Democratic or Republican darkness. Through a shared giggle.But jokes about dropping nukes?They're just distractions. Like… witty comebacks, really killer memes, and the occasional truly thoughtful opinion piece in the New York Times.[music]What We're Really FacingThis is what authoritarianism starts like.[11] Not jackboots and death squads.Just a man who thinks mass murder… is something to celebrate. A man who doesn't understand why some folks might find that disturbing.The scariest part? He said this at NATO. To our allies.Heard round the world. By any country that remembers World War II. What nuclear weapons actually do.Like say, Japan.[music]Are the Democrats' the Alternative?The political opposition? They're not exactly rising to the moment. What the fuck are Democrats doing?[12]Running the same playbook they've used since Hillary lost."We're the adults in the room.""At least we're not Trump. Vote for us because we're not insane.""You just wait for the midterms… oh, boy. We really got him now."We need more than just "At least, we're not that guy."You need to explain why this is fucking terrifying.Wait… Forget all that.Say as little as absolutely necessary.Just fucking act already.[music]Where We Are NowSo here we are. And we're all supposed to pretend this is normal.It's not normal.It's not funny.And it's not sustainable. Maybe not survivable.[music]The TruthTrump just told the world that he thinks nuclear destruction is a deal-making path… worth aspiring to. :Proudly.That's not politics. That's not even partisanship.That's a fundamental break with human decency.And if we can't say that out loud... if we can't admit how fucked up this is...We're already lost.[music AutisticAF Out Loud theme]OutroThis has been Trigger Warnings: Fiercely Divergent News. Reminding you we navigate a world that wasn't built for us Neurodivergents… and it may be time… to build our own.Another warning sign that, ya know… human decency? All bets are off.Which doesn't bode well for anybody who is different.Next week? 10 more minutes of my neurodivergent world. Until then, take care of your beautiful pattern-seeking, divergent brain.And… stay safe? Stay fierce.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click o receive new posts… free. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.Binge on the most authentic autistic voice in podcasting.7 decades of raw truth, real insights, zero yadayada.Footnotes[1] https://www.aljazeera.com/video/newsfeed/2025/6/25/trump-compares-iran-strikes-to-hiroshima-and-nagasakihttps://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-hiroshima-nagasaki-iran_n_685bf52ee4b024434f988a73https://www.middleeasteye.net/news/hit-ended-war-trump-likens-iran-strikes-hiroshima-bombinghttps://cbs4local.com/news/nation-world/president-donald-trump-compares-iran-strikes-to-hiroshima-bombing-nagasaki-claims-successful-end-to-conflict-nato-summit-netherlands-secretary-general-mark-rutte-operation-midnight-hammer[2]: While President Truman initially called the atomic bomb "the greatest thing in history" aboard his ship returning from Potsdam, his public statements were more measured, describing it as "a harnessing of the basic power of the universe".https://millercenter.org/the-presidency/presidential-speeches/august-6-1945-statement-president-announcing-use-bombTruman defended the decision but stopped discussing it publicly after leaving office. No subsequent president has publicly celebrated or bragged about the atomic bombings until Trump's 2025 remarks.https://www.nps.gov/articles/trumanatomicbomb.htm[3]: Death toll estimates for the atomic bombings vary significantly. The Manhattan Engineer District initially estimated 105,000 total deaths (66,000 in Hiroshima, 39,000 in Nagasaki) by end of 1945. The International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons estimates 140,000 in Hiroshima and 74,000 in Nagasaki by end of 1945. Methodological challenges include destroyed records, uncertain pre-bombing populations, and radiation-related deaths over time.https://www.atomicarchive.com/resources/documents/med/med_chp10.html[4]: Eisenhower expressed his "grave misgivings" about the atomic bombing in his memoir, stating he believed "Japan was already defeated and that dropping the bomb was completely unnecessary." He also noted his concern that the U.S. "should avoid shocking world opinion by the use of a weapon whose employment was, I thought, no longer mandatory as a measure to save American lives."https://www.aei.org/op-eds/japan-was-already-defeated-the-case-against-the-nuclear-bomb-and-for-basic-morality/Critics note this was a post-war reflection written nearly two decades later, not a contemporaneous military assessment.[5]: Obama visited Hiroshima in May 2016, becoming the first sitting U.S. president to do so. He spoke of the "silent cry" of victims and called for nuclear disarmament while carefully avoiding any apology, stating: "We stand here in the middle of this city and force ourselves to imagine the moment the bomb fell... we listen to a silent cry".https://abc3340.com/news/nation-world/obama-at-hiroshima-death-fell-from-the-sky-05-27-2016-103848173[6]: Reagan's famous statement "A nuclear war cannot be won and must never be fought" was delivered in his 1984 State of the Union address, reflecting his commitment to nuclear deterrence while pursuing arms reduction with the Soviet Union.[7]: Trump's exact words at the NATO summit on June 25, 2025: "I don't want to use an example of Hiroshima. I don't want to use an example of Nagasaki, but that was essentially the same thing that ended that war, this ended this war"[4].https://www.middleeasteye.net/news/hit-ended-war-trump-likens-iran-strikes-hiroshima-bombinghttps://cbs4local.com/news/nation-world/president-donald-trump-compares-iran-strikes-to-hiroshima-bombing-nagasaki-claims-successful-end-to-conflict-nato-summit-netherlands-secretary-general-mark-rutte-operation-midnight-hammerThis represents the first time a U.S. president has compared current military actions to the atomic bombings in a celebratory manner.[8]: Research indicates late-night political comedy shows serve as significant news sources, particularly for younger demographics. "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert" averaged 8.7% viewership share in 2024, reaching approximately 281,000 viewers in the 18-49 demographic nightly[15][16].https://screenrant.com/stephen-colbert-ratings-late-show-2024-explained/https://screenrant.com/stephen-colbert-ratings-late-show-2024-explained/ Studies suggest these programs have the most impact on politically inattentive audiences who learn about politics inadvertently through satirical content.[9]: Following Trump's Iran strikes, Colbert addressed the actions through his typical comedic framework, with segments like "Trump's Weird Iran War Speech" and jokes about intelligence reports contradicting Trump's claims of "obliteration." Colbert quipped "Oops-a-nuke-y" regarding reports that Iran's nuclear capabilities remained largely intact.https://www.tvinsider.com/1199026/stephen-colbert-trump-f-bomb-rant-monologue-video/[10]: The concept of a "nuclear taboo"—an international norm against the use of nuclear weapons—has been maintained since 1945. Political scientist Nina Tannenwald defines this as "a de facto prohibition against the first use of nuclear weapons" that creates a shared understanding of the illegitimacy and immorality of nuclear weapons use[18].https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_tabooTrump's comparison breaks this longstanding presidential restraint.[11]: Harvard political scientists Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt identify four markers of authoritarian risk: rejecting democratic rules, denying opponent legitimacy, tolerating violence, and curtailing civil liberties. They argue Trump is the first U.S. politician since the Civil War to meet all four criteria19.https://www.newsweek.com/harvard-political-science-professor-donald-trump-authoritarian-how-democracy-778425Constitutional scholar Elaine Scarry argues nuclear weapons create "thermonuclear monarchy" by concentrating unprecedented destructive power in executive hands, fundamentally undermining democratic governance.https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/thermonuclear-monarchy-elaine-scarry/1111087819https://futureoflife.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Elaine_Scarry_MIT_April2.pdf[12]: Democratic responses to Trump's Iran strikes showed internal divisions. House No. 2 Democrat Katherine Clark called the strikes "unauthorized & unconstitutional," while Senator Chris van Hollen argued they violated congressional war powers. However, critics note Democratic presidents have similarly bypassed Congress for military actions, weakening their constitutional arguments[22][23].https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/us-bombs-iran-attacks-trump-constitution-rcna214580https://www.cnn.com/2025/06/23/politics/trump-iran-legal-constitutional-article-1-article-2 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    Doc, You Got Us All Wrong, Pts 1 & 2

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 19, 2025 30:58


    Cold OpenYou wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"…But missing the whole damn forest we know locally as "Survival."[Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience]IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 5. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience.”Deficits… or strengths? Survival… or thriving? Pathology… or inborn, natural autistic behavior? We turn the diagnostic telescope around. Let's focus on the forest of resilience behind every leaf labeled "deficit."An experimental multi-part series… all around 10 minutes. Because some neurodivergent listeners like to binge in small bites. Or you can download Part 1 and Part 2 at once… for listeners who crave the whole enchilada in one sitting.Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]What I tell any therapist… any caregiver… first session:I have survived physical and sexual abuse from family and schoolmates.Bullying by teachers and fellow students… 2nd grade through high school.Multiple professional crashes… in multiple careers.At least a dozen firings.2 evictions.1 bankruptcy.Dozens of major household moves.Few friends, and…2 divorces, 3 "living togethers," and a couple of "serious" relationships that, well…, weren't?Ain't this resilience?Resilience. Ya know, that cap-and-gown term pros use for getting knocked down seven times. Stubbornly getting up… eight...I'm still alive. Still creating. Still getting published. Still speaking to thousands of autistics a year.Never attempted suicide... despite three hospitalizations.AND I'm still autistic. Cuz there ain't no cure for something that ain't wrong. Unless you base your "medical model" on some statistical "normal"… which is just a made up story. Cuz not one living person is summed up by a Bell curve normal… not even within a standard deviation.Yes, yes… yes. Some professionals are evolving. Pros who listen more than lecture. But face it. In the grand scheme of things… they're rare.Let's get clear right now, right here. It's not being autistic that creates our trauma. It's living autistic in a society that inflicts trauma on us. Refusing to accept, adapt… support… us.Why do "helping" pros focus on my deficits, my lacks, my pitiful performance of “Activities of Daily Living”…? Like, did I shower today…? No.Rather than the sheer strength of will I demonstrate every time I take my next breath?Why do they offer to fix me,inform me,guide me, andcharge me for sessions,mentoring,workshops,best-selling books,SYSTEMS they've just invented…based on… at best… incomplete research?[Music]You know social media… if you like and share this podcast, a lot more people will check it out. You can do a lot of good with just one click.You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out.Turn my every inborn neurodivergent characteristic into a disease. You do have powerful diagnostic tools…But you're looking through that diagnostic telescope backwards. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"… But missing the whole damn forest that we know locally as "Survival."Like my "failure to maintain eye contact.” A “social deficit.” Right... completely missing how that survival skill lets me process your words… without painful sensory overload. My form of my respect… for you.Go ahead and use professionally, objectively disempowering terms, like "comorbidity"... betraying your bias that my very way of Being is… in your eyes… a disease. And then riff on, elaborate away: "pathological demand avoidance," "obsessive-compulsive disorder," "borderline personality disorder,"And on and on… and on.Truth? Every diagnosis? Just another survival mechanism. Not symptoms of autism. Responses to how society treats autism.Behaviors that kept me alive… in your world. While you obsess over what's "wrong" with me…Or… we could build on my autistic strengths.Look, none of us have all of these. And superpowers don't exist. Some have strengths not listed. But if you aren't looking for them? Likely, you're mis-treating us.* Resilience: Just surviving multiple, severe stressors is a biggie. Every autistic adult you meet has adapted to extreme challenges. Most of us… traumatized. Yet we endure. We integrate. We keep going.* Deep Feeling: Pros call ‘em "mood swings." We call it feeling everything… deeply. Depth that drives our creativity… in science, art, writing, becoming lunatic billionaires… or the cool neighbor next door.. It's not a flaw. It's fuel.* Survival Skills: My life, my continued existence… is my proof. Just as any autistic adult's life is. We've survived devastating life events. With inner strength and coping strategies.These aren't skills most professionals understand… not even some neurodivergent practitioners. Because these skills are linked to how our individual autistic minds work. Which is… in fact… different. Not just from most humans. From each other, too.* Creative Persistence: Every autistic person knows this pull. Our passionate focus on our interests. Grabbing us deeper than hunger. We don't just see details… no matter what TV tells you. We work on wide canvases. We create. We build. We solve. That's strength.* Living with Extremes: My knee surgeon was shocked. "You walked two miles a day on a torn meniscus?" Yes, but… a light touch on my face can trigger panic. That's not contradiction. That's how we survive. We may get sensory warnings earlier than most… Yet we handle what breaks others. Daily.* Hidden Adaptability: Look at my life changes—jobs, homes, relationships. Society labels us as "rigid." Truth is, we adapt constantly. We got no choice. Yet we persevere. We keep doing. That's not weakness. That's strength.* Processing Power: We take in everything. Process it deeply. Yet live through emotional and sensory experiences that would derail most people. We keep going. Keep growing. That's not dysfunction. That's determination. Coming directly from… not despite… our neurodivergent cognition.* Spectrum of Strength: Maybe resilience is a spectrum, too. And some of us autistics crank it up past 11. Not weakness from disability. Strength from difference. Turning autistic stereotypes upside down. Yet again.[Music]Just a quickie… this is Part 1 of “Doc? You Got Autism All Wrong?” Why not binge the next part? Or download the long-form version with both parts? Link in transcript.Challenging Normal-izing ModelsMy story? Just one among thousands. Millions.I've worked as a magazine publisher. Functioned as an academic grad student… multiple times. And been homeless… multiple times. I've been privileged to hear many, many similar stories over the decades. At all levels of society, education, age.These stories all share one truth: Autistic traits are not inherently deficits. They can be hidden sources of strength and resilience. In the right environment. In the right community.Take one example: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). What pros like to label our natural, neurodivergent response to external demands like deadlines. I meet the diagnostic criteria. Always have. But in my opinion, they bulldoze right over my inborn need for autonomy. Leading too often to trauma. PDA… seems to me… a dehumanizing slur. For the nature I was born with.Yet many neurodivergents find comfort and support diagnosed as PDA. In the acknowledgment of our differences the diagnosis does offer. I don't wish to negate their experience. And I'm not arguing neurodivergents do NOT have needs for autonomy. Or that we don't suffer due to these differences. At the hands of Straight Culture.My point: Sensory and social differences are NOT pathologies.It's like dogs noticing that cats are more hyper than canines...So to "help" ‘em, pro dogs decide to forcibly train or torture every cat. To steamroll them into converting to “Dog Normal.”We are human… autistic humans.We need what all humans need: To build on our strengths. To find our nurturing environments. To choose our supportive communities.We just accomplish these things... differently.Look, I'm fighting the whole Normative Narrative. Which demands any difference MUST be "cured." Or at least fixed.And I'm not keen on neurodivergent-based attempts to bandaid the problem. By simply defining a new normal for autistics and other neurodivergents. Just another standard we may fail to live up to.Frankly, I'm calling for a strengths-based, non-normative psychology for all neurodivergents. A theme I develop in this series and future podcasts. How we might replace CBT and similar treatments with more neurodivergent-centered alternatives.So where do we start this revolution?Doc, Stop. Look again…At the big picture this time. See those brilliant sparks of unusual strength? Far more powerful than your "deficits."Reality check: Up to now, you've just been documenting how modern consumer culture fails our neurology. In the office. In our schools. In shopping at freaking Walmart for fuck's sake.Anywhere we're forced to process too much sensory input. Or pretend to read invisible social cues. Pretend we're you… without rest or accommodation.Let's explore a new direction. Simply put?Doc… stop looking through your telescope backwards. Look at us. Right in front of your eyes._____References & Further ReadingNeither exhaustive nor comprehensive. Articles that made me think.* The high prevalence of trauma and adverse experiences among autistic individuals* PTSD and Autism* Trauma and Autism: Research and Resources* How to build resiliency in autistic individuals: an implication to advance mental health* Association Between Autism and PTSD Among Adult Psychiatric Outpatients* The relationship between autism and resilience* Building Resilience – An Important Life Skill* Understanding Resilience in Neurodivergent Adults* Autistic Resilience: Overcoming Adversity Through Self-Care and Strengths* The criticism of deficit-based models of autism* Moving Beyond Deficit-Based Models of Autism* Strengths-First Assessment in Autism* The reality of autistic strengths and capabilities* 6 Strengths (not Weaknesses) of Individuals with Autism* Autism as a Strength* Neurodiversity as a Competitive AdvantageNote: Links are provided for reference only. Views expressed may differ from my own experiences and observations. Sources affiliated with Autism Speaks are controversial in the neurodiversity community. Their research may be included for completeness. But perhaps be cautious.Doc, You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT...? Never Worked for Autistic MeCold OpenCBT…? Never worked for autistic me.So, look, we KNOW masking doesn't work. Or FEAR. Or PAIN. We're dying from them already.That's all the words we need.[Music]IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 6. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT…? Never Worked for Autistic Me.”Abelist agendas. Bad research subjects. Bad data. Bad therapy.There's the whole story.An experimental multi-part series… around 10 minutes each. Cuz some autistic listeners tell me they like to binge in small bites. Others say they listen in the car… so you can also download the complete series as one file.Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]I've been struggling with an article on CBT & Autism for years.Sigh. Spoons. A lot of reading. A lot of thinking…To come to my opinion… my thesis…that any therapy based on purely cognitive techniques… even if pros throw on some Behavioral rubber-band-snapping special sauce on the side…?It's inherently ableist… attacking the very way our autistic brains are wired. Demanding abilities many neurodivergents just weren't born with.Here's a snapshot. A quick personal story from when autistic-as-fuck me turned for help…“I'm sorry… What did you just say?”“I said…” He looked nervous. “I said… I always recommend aversive therapy for my autistic kids. My clients.”Me. In a dead-cold voice. “Snapping a rubber band.”“Y-e-s-s.” He seemed torn. Was I gonna get positive reinforcement… Or that weird, hostile, defensiveness professionals get. When you ask questions.Into that hesitant silence, I say, “Snap it hard. Hard as they can. Against their wrist.”“Yes. The sting is important.” Now, he's eager to share. “When they repeat the aversive stimulus, they…”Again I interrupt with my ashen, Clint-Eastwood voice. “During a meltdown.”“Well… actually… just before.” He's beaming, proud. “They learn to snap the band at the earliest hint they'll lose control. It's operant conditioning.”A kid having a meltdown on Aisle 3. Likely overwhelmed by sensory overload.Let's just add a little sharp pain… and see what happens…As if by giving it some science-y name… it's not self-inflicted torture.Brief CBT BackgroundCognitive Behavioral Therapy emerged in the 60s. A kind of forced marriage. Between Beck's cognitive therapy… focused on internal thoughts. And Skinner's behavioral therapy… focused on observable behavior. Both developed studying neurotypical minds.Change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your behavior… change your life. Simple, right?Unless your brain doesn't work that way…Sometimes…? Research… Ain't.How could COGNITIVE Behavioral Therapy not be inappropriate for autistics?Research Problem #1. It's based on studying neurotypical populations. But we autistics think differently by definition.Problem #2? For the foundational studies, CBT researchers used white, university student subjects… for the most part. They're easy and cheap to find. But maybe 3% are autistic? Maybe? ALL with decent IQs and functioning student skills… even the few autistic subjects?And Problem #3 is a doozy. Many autistics survive by people-pleasing. Kids and grownups. We're likely to mask our true experiences to appear "better"... or please therapists. Plus we may have trouble perceiving and communicating our own experience. Self-reported data might not reflect our reality.,Then there's one that's rarely discussed. Problem #4… the "waitlist relief effect." Most neurodivergent folks endure months or years waiting for therapy, suffering intensely. When we finally get accepted into therapy? There's overwhelming relief… elevating our mood and behavior. Which distorts everything a therapist will hear.We may dial up our masking. Cuz we're scared shitless we'll lose this lifeline.Meanwhile, researchers publish, buff their nails…. and attribute any self-reported improvement as proof their technique works.,The Cognitive Part…? A Stopper.Substitute "executive functioning" for "cognitive." As in the thing they say is largely missing from my autistic forebrain.The entire technique? One cognitive process after another.. First you must notice. Then you must reflect.Then decide.Then review.Then judge context.Then review…Finally… Act.Then regret.Let that sink in. All of cognitive therapy is about monitoring individual thoughts for "cognitive errors." Then replacing them with correct ones.Hundreds of decisions, distinctions, social cue processings. Executive functioning. A process that NEVER became automatic for me. As clinician after clinician cheerfully reassured me it would.Many autistic individuals have memory differences. Working memory differences that make it nearly impossible to hold the kind of information cognitive work requires. Much less manipulate it on the fly…Now… About Behavior.Now, the "Behavioral" part of CBT? The Skinnerian special sauce?Rewards… and punishments… for the action you choose. Hoping you'll build automatic, correct responses.Basically rat training. If you shock me enough times. Sure. I won't go through that door. AND I will struggle mightily to only have an internal stroke... rather than an external meltdown.But the researcher... or teacher... gets to check the box, "Cured." Cuz we're no longer a nuisance to them. And we continue to quietly die. Invisibly. Politely...Inside.That kind of aversion... to fear or pain? True for every living thing at an evolutionary level above a paramecium.Like rats. Or kids. Cuz... FEAR works. PAIN works. Just not the way they think.These Practical Implementation Failures…Should sound pretty familiar. To autistic folks. Keenly aware of the nightmare effort Autistic Masking demands around Straight Society.So, look, we know masking doesn't work. Or fear. Or PAIN. We're dying from them already.That's all the words we need.Add to this our difficulty forming new habits, maintaining routines, and processing cognitive information differently. Under stress… which therapy itself can induce… we often revert to previous behaviors. Any “improvements” from “techniques”? Not bloody likely they're ingrained as permanent muscle memory.Requiring frequent refresher sessions to maintain the illusion of change… and progress.As one commenter wrote: "To me, CBT has always felt inherently surface-level. It's like closing a few tabs on your browser as opposed to doing a factory reset."Biggest problem of all? Neurodivergent Diversity.Autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, dyslexic, dyspraxic… all different cognitive profiles.Sure, we're all different from the typical population. But an autistic who also experiences ADHD thinks and acts differently than a dyslexic one. At least to my trained observation. I was a mental health social worker for 10 years…Despite these complexities… Maybe because it is complex… It seems to me that CBT treats us all as if we're standard-model humans. With a few bugs to fix.We require GENERATIONAL studies of representative populations to sort this spaghetti pile out. Before we should be recommending these techniques.On living humans. Adults. And especially kids.ABA and Its Relatives: An Even Deeper Hole.Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) deserves special mention. It's the behavioral therapy most parents hear about in grammar schools.What most don't know? ABA shares roots with debunked, torturous gay Conversion Therapy. Outlawed in many states. Both were developed by O. Ivar Lovaas in the 60s.Both aim to eliminate "undesirable" behaviors. Using “aversive” techniques. From snapping rubber bands in the nice clinics. To cattle prods in the not-so-nice facilities.Punishing and suppressing behaviors that are natural to our nervous systems. Behaviors that protect us from a society not built for us.ABA may have volumes of "data." But it's all shaped by behaviors researchers and parents want, not what autistic children or adults need. The outcomes measured? Eye contact. Sitting still. Verbal responses. Not internal autistic wellbeing.It's important to understand one simple point. Data is not science.How you frame your research or experiment How you gather your data How you choose how many subjects and whom When you choose to gather data How you interpret your data How you present your dataAll impact its validity and value. ABA and all its camouflaged cousins fall down on this core scientific truth.Bottom line? When former ABA children grow up, many report trauma. PTSD. Anxiety. Depression. Self-harm.ConclusionFuck #ABA. Fuck #CBT.Everybody in the therapeutic-industrial complex from clinic receptionist to billionaire pharmaceutical CEO makes money. From your kid's pain. Caused by treatments that don't address neurodivergent needs. As far as I… and better-known neurodiversity-affirming authorities… can tell.Strong words? Yes. Because minds… and lives… are at stake.We need therapies that work WITH our neurology, not against it. That build on our strengths instead of calling us coolly, professionally, pathologizing names.In Part 3, we'll really bring this all home. How labeling our intrinsic differences as disease is about as anti-therapeutic as you can get.We'll explore "PDA… Not Every Difference Is a Disease." And really raise a ruckus.OutroFor your deeper diving pleasure, the transcript contains references and footnotes for most points I raise. From a variety of views.Hey, don't forget, you can download Part 1, “Autistic Resilience.” Or download both parts as one file.More coming in this series exploring how neurodivergent folks can build sustainable, authentic lives… with or without professional intervention. With 2 more parts coming…AutisticAF Out Loud podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. If you have a friend or family member touched by neurodiversity? Why not turn them on to us with a quick email?By the way, we believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content.Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them. Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. I put both links in description.References & Further Reading1: Ableist: Discriminating against people with disabilities by assuming everyone's mind and body work the same way. Like designing a world only for the "standard model human" and then blaming us when we can't navigate it.2: Operant conditioning: A learning process in which behavior is shaped by rewards or punishments.3: Beck, A. T. (1979). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. Penguin.4: Bottema-Beutel, K., & Crowley, S. (2021). Pervasive Undisclosed Conflicts of Interest in Applied Behavior Analysis Autism Literature. Frontiers in Psychology, 12.5: Cage, E., Di Monaco, J., & Newell, V. (2018). Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 48(2), 473-484.6: Masking: The act of concealing one's autistic traits to fit in or avoid negative attention.7: Meta-analyses show that waitlist control groups often overestimate the effect sizes of psychotherapies for depression and anxiety, and that changes occurring during waitlist periods are typically small, making waitlist-controlled trials a less strict test of effectiveness.Cuijpers, P., Karyotaki, E., Reijnders, M., Purgato, M., de Wit, L., Ebert, D. D., ... & Furukawa, T. A. (2024). Overestimation of the effect sizes of psychotherapies for depression in waitlist-controlled trials: a meta-analytic comparison with usual care controlled trials. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 33, e10.8: Patterson, B., Boyle, M. H., Kivlenieks, M., & Van Ameringen, M. (2016). The use of waitlists as control conditions in anxiety disorders research. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 41, 56-64.9: Boucher, J., Mayes, A., & Bigham, S. (2012). Memory in autistic spectrum disorder. Psychological Bulletin, 138(3), 458-496.10: Happé, F., & Frith, U. (2006). The weak coherence account: detail-focused cognitive style in autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 36(1), 5-25.11: Rekers, G. A., & Lovaas, O. I. (1974). Behavioral treatment of deviant sex-role behaviors in a male child. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 7(2), 173–190.See also: El Dewar (2024), "ABA: The Neuro-Normative Conversion Therapy," NDConnection; and the Lovaas Institute's 2024 statement regarding conversion therapy.12: Sandoval-Norton, A. H., & Shkedy, G. (2019). How much compliance is too much compliance: Is long-term ABA therapy abuse? Cogent Psychology, 6(1).13: McGill, O., & Robinson, A. (2020). "Recalling hidden harms": Autistic experiences of childhood Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA). Advances in Autism, ahead-of-print.14: Xie, Y., Zhang, Y., Li, Y., et al. (2021). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Systematic Review. Pediatrics, 147(5), e2020049880.81015: Weston, L., Hodgekins, J., & Langdon, P. E. (2016). Effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy with people who have autistic spectrum disorders: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 49, 41-54.16: Miguel, C., Harrer, M., Cuijpers, P., et al. (2025). Self-reports vs clinician ratings of efficacies of psychotherapies for depression: a meta-analysis. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 34, e9.Note: Links are provided for reference only. Views expressed may differ from my own experiences and observations. Sources affiliated with Autism Speaks are controversial in the neurodiversity community. Their research may be included for completeness. But perhaps be cautious.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click below to receive new posts… free. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    Doc, You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT...? Never Worked for Autistic Me

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 19, 2025 15:52


    Cold OpenCBT…? Never worked for autistic me.So, look, we KNOW masking doesn't work. Or FEAR. Or PAIN. We're dying from them already.That's all the words we need.[Music]IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 6. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT…? Never Worked for Autistic Me.”Abelist agendas. Bad research subjects. Bad data. Bad therapy.There's the whole story.An experimental multi-part series… around 10 minutes each. Cuz some autistic listeners tell me they like to binge in small bites. Others say they listen in the car… so you can also download the complete series as one file.Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]I've been struggling with an article on CBT & Autism for years.Sigh. Spoons. A lot of reading. A lot of thinking…To come to my opinion… my thesis…that any therapy based on purely cognitive techniques… even if pros throw on some Behavioral rubber-band-snapping special sauce on the side…?It's inherently ableist… attacking the very way our autistic brains are wired. Demanding abilities many neurodivergents just weren't born with.Here's a snapshot. A quick personal story from when autistic-as-fuck me turned for help…“I'm sorry… What did you just say?”“I said…” He looked nervous. “I said… I always recommend aversive therapy for my autistic kids. My clients.”Me. In a dead-cold voice. “Snapping a rubber band.”“Y-e-s-s.” He seemed torn. Was I gonna get positive reinforcement… Or that weird, hostile, defensiveness professionals get. When you ask questions.Into that hesitant silence, I say, “Snap it hard. Hard as they can. Against their wrist.”“Yes. The sting is important.” Now, he's eager to share. “When they repeat the aversive stimulus, they…”Again I interrupt with my ashen, Clint-Eastwood voice. “During a meltdown.”“Well… actually… just before.” He's beaming, proud. “They learn to snap the band at the earliest hint they'll lose control. It's operant conditioning.”A kid having a meltdown on Aisle 3. Likely overwhelmed by sensory overload.Let's just add a little sharp pain… and see what happens…As if by giving it some science-y name… it's not self-inflicted torture.Brief CBT BackgroundCognitive Behavioral Therapy emerged in the 60s. A kind of forced marriage. Between Beck's cognitive therapy… focused on internal thoughts. And Skinner's behavioral therapy… focused on observable behavior. Both developed studying neurotypical minds.Change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your behavior… change your life. Simple, right?Unless your brain doesn't work that way…Sometimes…? Research… Ain't.How could COGNITIVE Behavioral Therapy not be inappropriate for autistics?Research Problem #1. It's based on studying neurotypical populations. But we autistics think differently by definition.Problem #2? For the foundational studies, CBT researchers used white, university student subjects… for the most part. They're easy and cheap to find. But maybe 3% are autistic? Maybe? ALL with decent IQs and functioning student skills… even the few autistic subjects?And Problem #3 is a doozy. Many autistics survive by people-pleasing. Kids and grownups. We're likely to mask our true experiences to appear "better"... or please therapists. Plus we may have trouble perceiving and communicating our own experience. Self-reported data might not reflect our reality.,Then there's one that's rarely discussed. Problem #4… the "waitlist relief effect." Most neurodivergent folks endure months or years waiting for therapy, suffering intensely. When we finally get accepted into therapy? There's overwhelming relief… elevating our mood and behavior. Which distorts everything a therapist will hear.We may dial up our masking. Cuz we're scared shitless we'll lose this lifeline.Meanwhile, researchers publish, buff their nails…. and attribute any self-reported improvement as proof their technique works.The Cognitive Part…? A Stopper.Substitute "executive functioning" for "cognitive." As in the thing they say is largely missing from my autistic forebrain.The entire technique? One cognitive process after another.. First you must notice. Then you must reflect.Then decide.Then review.Then judge context.Then review…Finally… Act.Then regret.Let that sink in. All of cognitive therapy is about monitoring individual thoughts for "cognitive errors." Then replacing them with correct ones.Hundreds of decisions, distinctions, social cue processings. Executive functioning. A process that NEVER became automatic for me. As clinician after clinician cheerfully reassured me it would.Many autistic individuals have memory differences. Working memory differences that make it nearly impossible to hold the kind of information cognitive work requires. Much less manipulate it on the fly…Now… About Behavior.Now, the "Behavioral" part of CBT? The Skinnerian special sauce?Rewards… and punishments… for the action you choose. Hoping you'll build automatic, correct responses.Basically rat training. If you shock me enough times. Sure. I won't go through that door. AND I will struggle mightily to only have an internal stroke... rather than an external meltdown.But the researcher... or teacher... gets to check the box, "Cured." Cuz we're no longer a nuisance to them. And we continue to quietly die. Invisibly. Politely...Inside.That kind of aversion... to fear or pain? True for every living thing at an evolutionary level above a paramecium.Like rats. Or kids. Cuz... FEAR works. PAIN works. Just not the way they think.These Practical Implementation Failures…Should sound pretty familiar. To autistic folks. Keenly aware of the nightmare effort Autistic Masking demands around Straight Society.So, look, we know masking doesn't work. Or fear. Or PAIN. We're dying from them already.That's all the words we need.Add to this our difficulty forming new habits, maintaining routines, and processing cognitive information differently. Under stress… which therapy itself can induce… we often revert to previous behaviors. Any “improvements” from “techniques”? Not bloody likely they're ingrained as permanent muscle memory.Requiring frequent refresher sessions to maintain the illusion of change… and progress.As one commenter wrote: "To me, CBT has always felt inherently surface-level. It's like closing a few tabs on your browser as opposed to doing a factory reset."Biggest problem of all? Neurodivergent Diversity.Autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, dyslexic, dyspraxic… all different cognitive profiles.Sure, we're all different from the typical population. But an autistic who also experiences ADHD thinks and acts differently than a dyslexic one. At least to my trained observation. I was a mental health social worker for 10 years…Despite these complexities… Maybe because it is complex… It seems to me that CBT treats us all as if we're standard-model humans. With a few bugs to fix.We require GENERATIONAL studies of representative populations to sort this spaghetti pile out. Before we should be recommending these techniques.On living humans. Adults. And especially kids.ABA and Its Relatives: An Even Deeper Hole.Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) deserves special mention. It's the behavioral therapy most parents hear about in grammar schools.What most don't know? ABA shares roots with debunked, torturous gay Conversion Therapy. Outlawed in many states. Both were developed by O. Ivar Lovaas in the 60s.Both aim to eliminate "undesirable" behaviors. Using “aversive” techniques. From snapping rubber bands in the nice clinics. To cattle prods in the not-so-nice facilities.Punishing and suppressing behaviors that are natural to our nervous systems. Behaviors that protect us from a society not built for us.ABA may have volumes of "data." But it's all shaped by behaviors researchers and parents want, not what autistic children or adults need. The outcomes measured? Eye contact. Sitting still. Verbal responses. Not internal autistic wellbeing.It's important to understand one simple point. Data is not science.How you frame your research or experiment How you gather your data How you choose how many subjects and whom When you choose to gather data How you interpret your data How you present your dataAll impact its validity and value. ABA and all its camouflaged cousins fall down on this core scientific truth.Bottom line? When former ABA children grow up, many report trauma. PTSD. Anxiety. Depression. Self-harm.ConclusionFuck #ABA. Fuck #CBT.Everybody in the therapeutic-industrial complex from clinic receptionist to billionaire pharmaceutical CEO makes money. From your kid's pain. Caused by treatments that don't address neurodivergent needs. As far as I… and better-known neurodiversity-affirming authorities… can tell.Strong words? Yes. Because minds… and lives… are at stake.We need therapies that work WITH our neurology, not against it. That build on our strengths instead of calling us coolly, professionally, pathologizing names.In Part 3, we'll really bring this all home. How labeling our intrinsic differences as disease is about as anti-therapeutic as you can get.We'll explore "PDA… Not Every Difference Is a Disease." And really raise a ruckus.OutroFor your deeper diving pleasure, the transcript contains references and footnotes for most points I raise. From a variety of views.Hey, don't forget, you can download Part 1, “Autistic Resilience.” Or download both parts as one file.More coming in this series exploring how neurodivergent folks can build sustainable, authentic lives… with or without professional intervention. With 2 more parts coming…AutisticAF Out Loud podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. If you have a friend or family member touched by neurodiversity? Why not turn them on to us with a quick email?By the way, we believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content.Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them. Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. I put both links in description.References & Further Reading1: Ableist: Discriminating against people with disabilities by assuming everyone's mind and body work the same way. Like designing a world only for the "standard model human" and then blaming us when we can't navigate it.2: Operant conditioning: A learning process in which behavior is shaped by rewards or punishments.3: Beck, A. T. (1979). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. Penguin.4: Bottema-Beutel, K., & Crowley, S. (2021). Pervasive Undisclosed Conflicts of Interest in Applied Behavior Analysis Autism Literature. Frontiers in Psychology, 12.5: Cage, E., Di Monaco, J., & Newell, V. (2018). Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 48(2), 473-484.6: Masking: The act of concealing one's autistic traits to fit in or avoid negative attention.7: Meta-analyses show that waitlist control groups often overestimate the effect sizes of psychotherapies for depression and anxiety, and that changes occurring during waitlist periods are typically small, making waitlist-controlled trials a less strict test of effectiveness.Cuijpers, P., Karyotaki, E., Reijnders, M., Purgato, M., de Wit, L., Ebert, D. D., ... & Furukawa, T. A. (2024). Overestimation of the effect sizes of psychotherapies for depression in waitlist-controlled trials: a meta-analytic comparison with usual care controlled trials. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 33, e10.8: Patterson, B., Boyle, M. H., Kivlenieks, M., & Van Ameringen, M. (2016). The use of waitlists as control conditions in anxiety disorders research. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 41, 56-64.9: Boucher, J., Mayes, A., & Bigham, S. (2012). Memory in autistic spectrum disorder. Psychological Bulletin, 138(3), 458-496.10: Happé, F., & Frith, U. (2006). The weak coherence account: detail-focused cognitive style in autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 36(1), 5-25.11: Rekers, G. A., & Lovaas, O. I. (1974). Behavioral treatment of deviant sex-role behaviors in a male child. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 7(2), 173–190.See also: El Dewar (2024), "ABA: The Neuro-Normative Conversion Therapy," NDConnection; and the Lovaas Institute's 2024 statement regarding conversion therapy.12: Sandoval-Norton, A. H., & Shkedy, G. (2019). How much compliance is too much compliance: Is long-term ABA therapy abuse? Cogent Psychology, 6(1).13: McGill, O., & Robinson, A. (2020). "Recalling hidden harms": Autistic experiences of childhood Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA). Advances in Autism, ahead-of-print.14: Xie, Y., Zhang, Y., Li, Y., et al. (2021). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Systematic Review. Pediatrics, 147(5), e2020049880.81015: Weston, L., Hodgekins, J., & Langdon, P. E. (2016). Effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy with people who have autistic spectrum disorders: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 49, 41-54.16: Miguel, C., Harrer, M., Cuijpers, P., et al. (2025). Self-reports vs clinician ratings of efficacies of psychotherapies for depression: a meta-analysis. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 34, e9.Note: Links are provided for reference only. Views expressed may differ from my own experiences and observations. Sources affiliated with Autism Speaks are controversial in the neurodiversity community. Their research may be included for completeness. But perhaps be cautious.Binge on the most authentic autistic voice in podcasting.7 decades of raw truth, real insights, zero yadayada.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click below to receive new posts… free. Tosupport my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 19, 2025 16:12


    Cold OpenYou wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"…But missing the whole damn forest we know locally as "Survival."IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 5. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience.”Deficits… or strengths? Survival… or thriving? Pathology… or inborn, natural autistic behavior? We turn the diagnostic telescope around. Let's focus on the forest of resilience behind every leaf labeled "deficit."An experimental multi-part series… all around 10 minutes. Because some neurodivergent listeners like to binge in small bites. Or you can download Part 1 and Part 2 at once… for listeners who crave the whole enchilada in one sitting.Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]What I tell any therapist… any caregiver… first session:I have survived physical and sexual abuse from family and schoolmates.Bullying by teachers and fellow students… 2nd grade through high school.Multiple professional crashes… in multiple careers.At least a dozen firings.2 evictions.1 bankruptcy.Dozens of major household moves.Few friends, and…2 divorces, 3 "living togethers," and a couple of "serious" relationships that, well…, weren't?Ain't this resilience?Resilience. Ya know, that cap-and-gown term pros use for getting knocked down seven times. Stubbornly getting up… eight...I'm still alive. Still creating. Still getting published. Still speaking to thousands of autistics a year.Never attempted suicide... despite three hospitalizations.AND I'm still autistic. Cuz there ain't no cure for something that ain't wrong. Unless you base your "medical model" on some statistical "normal"… which is just a made up story. Cuz not one living person is summed up by a Bell curve normal… not even within a standard deviation.Yes, yes… yes. Some professionals are evolving. Pros who listen more than lecture. But face it. In the grand scheme of things… they're rare.Let's get clear right now, right here. It's not being autistic that creates our trauma. It's living autistic in a society that inflicts trauma on us. Refusing to accept, adapt… support… us.Why do "helping" pros focus on my deficits, my lacks, my pitiful performance of “Activities of Daily Living”…? Like, did I shower today…? No.Rather than the sheer strength of will I demonstrate every time I take my next breath?Why do they offer to fix me,inform me,guide me, andcharge me for sessions,mentoring,workshops,best-selling books,SYSTEMS they've just invented…based on… at best… incomplete research?[Music]You know social media… if you like and share this podcast, a lot more people will check it out. You can do a lot of good with just one click.You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out.Turn my every inborn neurodivergent characteristic into a disease. You do have powerful diagnostic tools…But you're looking through that diagnostic telescope backwards. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"… But missing the whole damn forest that we know locally as "Survival."Like my "failure to maintain eye contact.” A “social deficit.” Right... completely missing how that survival skill lets me process your words… without painful sensory overload. My form of my respect… for you.Go ahead and use professionally, objectively disempowering terms, like "comorbidity"... betraying your bias that my very way of Being is… in your eyes… a disease. And then riff on, elaborate away: "pathological demand avoidance," "obsessive-compulsive disorder," "borderline personality disorder,"And on and on… and on.Truth? Every diagnosis? Just another survival mechanism. Not symptoms of autism. Responses to how society treats autism.Behaviors that kept me alive… in your world. While you obsess over what's "wrong" with me…Or… we could build on my autistic strengths.Look, none of us have all of these. And superpowers don't exist. Some have strengths not listed. But if you aren't looking for them? Likely, you're mis-treating us.* Resilience: Just surviving multiple, severe stressors is a biggie. Every autistic adult you meet has adapted to extreme challenges. Most of us… traumatized. Yet we endure. We integrate. We keep going.* Deep Feeling: Pros call ‘em "mood swings." We call it feeling everything… deeply. Depth that drives our creativity… in science, art, writing, becoming lunatic billionaires… or the cool neighbor next door.. It's not a flaw. It's fuel.* Survival Skills: My life, my continued existence… is my proof. Just as any autistic adult's life is. We've survived devastating life events. With inner strength and coping strategies.These aren't skills most professionals understand… not even some neurodivergent practitioners. Because these skills are linked to how our individual autistic minds work. Which is… in fact… different. Not just from most humans. From each other, too.* Creative Persistence: Every autistic person knows this pull. Our passionate focus on our interests. Grabbing us deeper than hunger. We don't just see details… no matter what TV tells you. We work on wide canvases. We create. We build. We solve. That's strength.* Living with Extremes: My knee surgeon was shocked. "You walked two miles a day on a torn meniscus?" Yes, but… a light touch on my face can trigger panic. That's not contradiction. That's how we survive. We may get sensory warnings earlier than most… Yet we handle what breaks others. Daily.* Hidden Adaptability: Look at my life changes—jobs, homes, relationships. Society labels us as "rigid." Truth is, we adapt constantly. We got no choice. Yet we persevere. We keep doing. That's not weakness. That's strength.* Processing Power: We take in everything. Process it deeply. Yet live through emotional and sensory experiences that would derail most people. We keep going. Keep growing. That's not dysfunction. That's determination. Coming directly from… not despite… our neurodivergent cognition.* Spectrum of Strength: Maybe resilience is a spectrum, too. And some of us autistics crank it up past 11. Not weakness from disability. Strength from difference. Turning autistic stereotypes upside down. Yet again.[Music]Just a quickie… this is Part 1 of “Doc? You Got Autism All Wrong?” Why not binge the next part? Or download the long-form version with both parts? Link in transcript.Challenging Normal-izing ModelsMy story? Just one among thousands. Millions.I've worked as a magazine publisher. Functioned as an academic grad student… multiple times. And been homeless… multiple times. I've been privileged to hear many, many similar stories over the decades. At all levels of society, education, age.These stories all share one truth: Autistic traits are not inherently deficits. They can be hidden sources of strength and resilience. In the right environment. In the right community.Take one example: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). What pros like to label our natural, neurodivergent response to external demands like deadlines. I meet the diagnostic criteria. Always have. But in my opinion, they bulldoze right over my inborn need for autonomy. Leading too often to trauma. PDA… seems to me… a dehumanizing slur. For the nature I was born with.Yet many neurodivergents find comfort and support diagnosed as PDA. In the acknowledgment of our differences the diagnosis does offer. I don't wish to negate their experience. And I'm not arguing neurodivergents do NOT have needs for autonomy. Or that we don't suffer due to these differences. At the hands of Straight Culture.My point: Sensory and social differences are NOT pathologies.It's like dogs noticing that cats are more hyper than canines...So to "help" ‘em, pro dogs decide to forcibly train or torture every cat. To steamroll them into converting to “Dog Normal.”We are human… autistic humans.We need what all humans need: To build on our strengths. To find our nurturing environments. To choose our supportive communities.We just accomplish these things... differently.Look, I'm fighting the whole Normative Narrative. Which demands any difference MUST be "cured." Or at least fixed.And I'm not keen on neurodivergent-based attempts to bandaid the problem. By simply defining a new normal for autistics and other neurodivergents. Just another standard we may fail to live up to.Frankly, I'm calling for a strengths-based, non-normative psychology for all neurodivergents. A theme I develop in this series and future podcasts. How we might replace CBT and similar treatments with more neurodivergent-centered alternatives.So where do we start this revolution?Doc, Stop. Look again…At the big picture this time. See those brilliant sparks of unusual strength? Far more powerful than your "deficits."Reality check: Up to now, you've just been documenting how modern consumer culture fails our neurology. In the office. In our schools. In shopping at freaking Walmart for fuck's sake.Anywhere we're forced to process too much sensory input. Or pretend to read invisible social cues. Pretend we're you… without rest or accommodation.Let's explore a new direction. Simply put?Doc… stop looking through your telescope backwards. Look at us. Right in front of your eyes.OutroThanks for listening. Hope to hear your thoughts in the comments.For your deeper diving pleasure, the transcript contains references and footnotes for most points I raise. From a variety of views.Hey, don't forget, you can download Part 2, "CBT...? Never Worked for Autistic Me” right now for your bingeing pleasure. Or download both parts in one podcast. Together they begin to explore how neurodivergent folks can build sustainable, authentic lives… with or without professional intervention. With 2 more parts coming…AutisticAF Out Loud podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. If you have a friend or family member touched by neurodiversity? Why not turn them on to us with a quick email?By the way, we believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content.Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them. Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. I put both links in description._____References & Further ReadingNeither exhaustive nor comprehensive. Articles that made me think.* The high prevalence of trauma and adverse experiences among autistic individuals* PTSD and Autism* Trauma and Autism: Research and Resources* How to build resiliency in autistic individuals: an implication to advance mental health* Association Between Autism and PTSD Among Adult Psychiatric Outpatients* The relationship between autism and resilience* Building Resilience – An Important Life Skill* Understanding Resilience in Neurodivergent Adults* Autistic Resilience: Overcoming Adversity Through Self-Care and Strengths* The criticism of deficit-based models of autism* Moving Beyond Deficit-Based Models of Autism* Strengths-First Assessment in Autism* The reality of autistic strengths and capabilities* 6 Strengths (not Weaknesses) of Individuals with Autism* Autism as a Strength* Neurodiversity as a Competitive AdvantageNote: Links are provided for reference only. Views expressed may differ from my own experiences and observations. Sources affiliated with Autism Speaks are controversial in the neurodiversity community. Their research may be included for completeness. But perhaps be cautious.Binge on the most authentic autistic voice in podcasting.7 decades of raw truth, real insights, zero yadayada.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click below to receive new posts… free. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    I need to talk with you about events beyond autism today

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 9, 2025 7:01


    Cold Open [into silence]Friend, I haven't done this before. Usually I talk autism & neurodiversity with you. But I'm very concerned about events unfolding this weekend...I've seen these patterns emerge before. In other countries. Authoritarian countries¹.I have no plan of action to suggest. It's happening too fast for me to process… in my slow, deep AuDHD² way.All I could think to do… is share my concerns with friends who care.[Music 8 bars]IntroWelcome to Trigger Warnings… a new project of AutisticAF Out Loud podcast.I'm Johnny Profane. Your fiercely divergent guide to what's actually happening in the news.Gimme 10 minutes? I'll give you my neurodivergent world.Today: Military deployments in two cities, legal challenges mounting, and one burning question: Are we witnessing democratic norms under assault in real time?For an ever deeper dive, I've included footnotes and further reading in the transcript on subStack.Content Note: civil unrest, military deployment, law enforcement actions, concerns about democratic institutions + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.PodcastFriend,I haven't done this before. Usually I talk autism & neurodiversity with you.But I'm very concerned about events unfolding this weekend... and a fair number of you have asked for my neurodivergent take on larger national & global issues.So, after thinking long & hard... about risks.. I still must share.This weekend, federal agents raided workplaces across Los Angeles County. They arrested 121 people³.Protests followed. Police responded with tear gas⁴ & rubber bullets against demonstrators⁵.On Saturday, President Trump deployed 2,000 National Guard⁶ troops to Los Angeles County. On questionable Constitutional grounds⁷. As the Supreme Court recessed.His administration called the protests an "insurrection⁸." And threatened to deploy Marines⁹.At the same time, Washington D.C. is filling with military equipment.7 million pounds of hardware¹⁰.28 tanks. 70 tons each¹¹.Rocket launchers.7,000 military personnel¹².This equipment arrived by train from Texas. It now sits near the National Mall¹³.Officials say this is for an Army anniversary parade celebrating Trump's birthday¹⁴.The largest military display in the capital in decades.These events happen as Trump faces significant legal challenges. Courts have blocked over 180 of his administration's initiatives¹⁵.Governor Newsom called the Los Angeles deployment "purposefully inflammatory." He said it would "escalate tensions¹⁶."[Music 8 bars… overlapping 4 second break in speech]I find the timing troubling.Military force against protesters in one city. Unprecedented massive military assets staged in the capital. Simultaneous with significant legal pressure & civil unrest.All within 72-hours.These are documented facts. They concern me deeply.I've seen these patterns emerge before. In other countries. Authoritarian countries.False crises involving vulnerable targets… like migrants… as victims. Used as a fig leaf for declaring martial law¹⁷.I have no plan of action to suggest. It's happening too fast for me to process… in my slow, deep AuDHD way.All I could think to do… is share my concerns with friends who care.Maybe you too?[Music 8 bars]OutroTrigger Warnings is a new project of AutisticAF Out Loud. Reporting on real-world issues, from a neurodivergent perspective.We often recognize patterns others miss. In times like these, that perspective? Essential.If this podcast resonates, share it. The more the world hears neurodivergent voices, the greater my hopes for our future.We believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content.Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them.Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. Links in description.A big shoutout to my wife, Kimmie, for her great song, Freedom Blvd. That link is in the description, too.[Music]help.Binge on the most authentic autistic voice in podcasting.7 decades of raw truth, real insights, zero yadayada.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click to receive new posts free. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.FootnotesEducational Context¹ Authoritarian countries: Nations where power is concentrated in a single leader or small group, often characterized by limited political freedoms, restricted civil liberties, and the use of military force to control civilian populations.² AuDHD: A term combining ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and autism, used by people who are both autistic and have ADHD. Many neurodivergent individuals process information more slowly but with greater depth and pattern recognition.³ 121 people arrested: Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) conducted multiple workplace raids across Los Angeles County on Friday, June 6, 2025. ICE officially reported 44 administrative arrests at three locations during Friday operations, with the total reaching 121 across the broader week-long operation. Sources: Al Jazeera, Los Angeles Times, CBS Los Angeles, Times of India⁴ Tear gas: Chemical compounds that cause temporary irritation to eyes, nose, mouth and lungs, used by law enforcement for crowd control. Federal agents and LAPD used tear gas, flash-bang grenades, and pepper spray against protesters gathering outside federal buildings where detained individuals were being processed. Sources: Al Jazeera, New York Times, ABC News, NBC Los Angeles⁵ Rubber bullets and police response: Less-lethal ammunition designed to incapacitate rather than kill, though they can cause serious injuries. Federal law enforcement and LAPD officers in riot gear used rubber bullets, pepper balls, and flash-bang grenades to disperse crowds protesting immigration raids. Sources: ABC News, NBC Los Angeles, Sky News, USA Today⁶ National Guard: Part-time military forces that normally serve under state governor authority but can be federalized by the president. Trump deployed 2,000 California National Guard troops to Los Angeles without Governor Newsom's request - the first such federalization without governor consent since 1965. Sources: Reuters, New York Times, Washington Post⁷ Constitutional grounds: Trump invoked Section 12406 of Title 10 U.S. Code, which allows federal deployment when there is "invasion, rebellion, or inability to execute federal law." Legal scholars debate whether immigration protests constitute legitimate grounds for this rare federal override of state authority. Sources: New York Times, Washington Post, Steve Vladeck Legal Analysis⁸ "Insurrection" declaration: The Trump administration characterized Los Angeles protests as an "insurrection" to justify military deployment. White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller used this term, though legal experts question whether immigration protests meet the historical definition of insurrection. Sources: Times of India, Mother Jones⁹ Marines threat: Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth stated that active-duty Marines at Camp Pendleton were "on high alert" and could be deployed "if violence continues." This would represent a significant escalation beyond National Guard deployment to using active military forces against civilians. Sources: Los Angeles Times, USA Today, ReutersMilitary Hardware Documentation¹⁰ 7 million pounds of hardware: The Army's 250th anniversary parade features approximately 7 million pounds of military equipment being transported by train from Fort Cavazos, Texas to the Washington D.C. area for the June 14, 2025 celebration. Sources: CNN, The Hill, The Morning News¹¹ 28 tanks, 70 tons each: The parade includes 28 M1A1 Abrams tanks, each weighing approximately 70 tons (140,000 pounds). These main battle tanks are equipped with 120mm smoothbore cannons and represent America's primary armored fighting vehicle. Sources: CNN, The Hill, Stars and Stripes, Reuters¹² 7,000 military personnel: Approximately 6,600-7,000 soldiers from various states are participating in the parade and festival, with over 150 vehicles and 50 aircraft involved in the celebration. Sources: Associated Press, The Hill, Reuters, Army Aviation Heritage Foundation¹³ Equipment near National Mall: Military vehicles and equipment are staged in West Potomac Park adjacent to the National Mall, with steel plates being laid on roads to protect infrastructure during the parade route along Constitution Avenue. Sources: CNN, The Morning News¹⁴ Army anniversary and Trump's birthday: The U.S. Army's 250th anniversary (established June 14, 1775) coincides exactly with President Trump's 79th birthday on June 14, 2025. Army officials state the anniversary celebration was planned independently, with the parade component added at Trump's request. Sources: Associated Press, Reuters, Washington tourism guideLegal and Political Context¹⁵ 180+ court blocks: As of June 6, 2025, federal courts have issued at least 180 rulings temporarily blocking Trump administration initiatives, representing an unprecedented level of judicial pushback against executive actions in the first months of his second term. Sources: New York Times Legal Tracker, USA Today, Fox News¹⁶ Newsom's statements: California Governor Gavin Newsom called Trump's National Guard deployment "purposefully inflammatory" and warned it would "escalate tensions." He formally requested the withdrawal of federal troops, calling the deployment a "serious breach of state sovereignty." Sources: Politico, Reuters, Deadline¹⁷ Martial law: The temporary replacement of civilian government with military authority, typically declared during emergencies. While Trump has not formally declared martial law, legal experts note the military deployment patterns and rhetoric raise concerns about potential steps toward military control of civilian areas. Sources: ACLU Analysis, Steve Vladeck Legal Commentary This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    Living Autistic in Dangerous Times: Trump Labels 1 in 4 Families “Dire Threat”

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2025 16:03


    Cold Open (into silence)You love Dune? Like me?Frank Herbert is dead... wrong.Fear is NOT the mind-killer. Denial is.[Music ]IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 5. Attacks on neurodivergence, facing our fears, finding our strength. Today we're talking threats, resistance, and the power of a hundred million voices. Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: political violence, eugenics, genocide, institutionalized discrimination, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]You love Dune? Like me?Frank Herbert is dead... wrong.Fear is NOT the mind-killer. Denial is.I must honor my fear.Fear is my guardian. My junkyard dog. My screaming siren.Fear is the warning of annihilation. It must be heeded.I will embrace my fear. Then share its wisdom.I will let it flow through me. Become purpose & strength.And when we have acted? I will remember… its lessons.Where the Beast of Fear once stood, we will now stand.We will abide. Stronger for having feared… then acted… Together.Trust me. I know a lot about fear. I'm autistic. ADHD, too. In my 70s.Living in dangerous times in America. And we got a lot more to fear… than fear itself.[Music]Hey... you know how this works. If this resonates, now might be a good time to like, share… maybe text a link to a friend. Really helps get the word out.Trump administration identifies Autism & ADHD as "dire threats to the American people."Some folks called this headline hyperbole. Click-bait exaggeration. To my face. With hostility. Calling out what they see as “fear-mongering.”One fellow autist on LinkedIn really tore me a new one along those lines. Tried to anyways. I got a bit strong on her ass… So she blocked me. Exercising her denial.But this is how it starts.The White House labeled us a "dire threat." Not as evil actors, but based on our condition… our existence itself. Autism as a "dire threat." Not a difference.Then throwing out a gratuitous observation... “77% of young adults do not qualify for the military based in larger part on their health scores.” (Full Whitehouse.gov post.)As if that is how America now measures the value of our lives. As cannon fodder. As if there aren't now… and haven't been throughout history… Neurodivergent warriors.Demonizing all the disabled. All the Different. As if we are the ones destroying America.I'm struggling. I'm terrified...Even knowing that cruel terror is their purpose. Didn't help watching Man in the High Castle lately. The scene where ashes are falling because they're cremating the old and defective...I'm toast.About 1:43 in the YouTube linked in text.{video clip in text}This terror? Not just my personal problem. We neurodivergents ain't a small marginalized group. The numbers tell a bigger story:* About 30 million Americans have direct family ties to an autistic person* Roughly another 30 million have cousins or close relatives who are autistic* 60 million. That's 1 in 6 Americans with close autistic connectionsBut we're just getting started. Add in ADHD, even accounting for overlap between conditions, the numbers become staggering:* 69 million Americans have immediate family members affected* 75 million have extended family affected* Nearly 1 in 4 American families impactedWithout considering the millions of families affected by other disabilities.All these figures are back of the envelope. Conservative estimates from current prevalence rates. No formal research exists yet on these numbers. But the truth is clear…We're talking 1 in 4 American families?Let that sink in.When do we stop seeing these numbers as statistics? And start seeing the faces of neighbors. Your friends. Your loved ones?When are we ready to stand together?Even if they don't round us all up right away…They're already killing education programs. For Autism, ADHD, intellectual disability, speech, hearing, vision, physical disabilities…Personally I'm secretly pleased to see torturous ABA-based programs unfunded. Applied Behavioral Analysis forces change on helpless autistic children. Screw that noise.But caring parents across the nation? They want support for their kids. They're showing up at Town Halls. Getting loud about these recent cuts. Expressing fear and anger. Hurting kids cuts deep. And wide.Worse yet? Over 80% of us autistics are unemployed or underemployed. Think about it. That means killing our Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security, Food Stamps, Housing, etc.That's institutionalized Economic violence. A soft means of killing us off. And Soft Genocide is the deadliest kind. It goes unnoticed. Unmourned.But, hey, it's not only lost benefits I'm worried about.Underlying many of Trump's policies?Turn over a rock on most? You'll find the sinister grin of “Eugenics” staring up at you. That debunked, unscientific program to improve human “breeding stock.” By terminating the reproduction of “Undesirables.”By any means necessary. Isolation, deportation, starvation, illness, violence, death. Just like Nazi Germany, against all disabilities. Libertarian Survival of the Fittest. At its finest.Ayn Rand would be so proud. “Meritocracy” my ass…Denial begins with dismissal. Violence begins with hate speech.Notice the subtle, insidious damage done here. Labeling neurodivergence and other differences as "dire threats." That may be the most dangerous aspect of this White House publication.Like they weaponized Disability, Equity & Inclusion (DEI) through propaganda.It's how it starts. The slow slide to genocide. We've seen this before. The marginalization of minorities."Do you want a BLIND person at the FAA?“Would you trust a PARALYZED person holding your life in their hands?""Do you see a WOMAN on the front lines… defending you? A transgender?”"How about an IMMIGRANT raping your daughter?”Mockery becomes hate speech.Becomes mass hatred.Becomes normalized violence.It's right there in the authoritarian… even Fascist… playbook. Now? It's The American Way.First, we're other.Then, we're less than human.A burden.A danger.Finally…A targetFor violence.And hate crimes against Americans with disabilities have risen 29.5% over the last five years. As American political discourse has darkened.See what I mean?Can we turn our horror into action?The very point of these propaganda tactics is terror.Threatening humans' income, medical care, housing… lives? That's terrorism.How can we possibly fight our fear becoming terror?This may encourage you. The sheer number of American families. Who are seeing their loved ones threatened.A 100 million... or more... affected American disabled families? I believe we can raise a decent reaction. If we act together.I've proven over and over again in my life I'm no leader. Executive functioning? Hell, I struggle to find topic sentences. Decisions over local action, political organization, resistance demonstrations? Beyond me.So I'm not about to create some Neurodivergent Justice League or anything.But one thing that someone like me can do? That is positive? Put a human face on suffering. Without spinning toxic positivity.You may disagree. I understand. Nevertheless?I have value. And this warning has merit. It can gather a crowd. Maybe more capable folks who can run with it.YET… There are 4 things we can do right now to effect change:* Share this warning. With friends. With government representatives. Make it visible. Make it heard.* Join the conversation below in comments. Your story matters. Your voice counts.* Connect with organizations already fighting this fight. They need our numbers. And maybe most important…* Create a mutual support network. Might be neighbors who check in with each other. Or more… shared travel, shopping together, mutual defense. A small community of choice.Fear is not the enemy…Fear is the Dance of Shiva, baby. When that Hindu god becomes the “Destroyer of Worlds" in the famous Oppenheimer quote. His flashing feet destroying the illusion of denial.Invoking a new creation.Feel your fear.Ride it.DO somethingWith its strength.Together, maybe… just may be...We can destroy ignorance. Make something… new.We must honor our fear.Then act. Together.OutroIn coming weeks, we'll challenge the medical model of autism, with an episode called, "CBT...? Never Worked for Autistic Me." Why? Part of a series on how neurodivergent individuals can build sustainable, authentic lives - with or without professional intervention.AutisticAF Out Loud podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. Know a friend or family member with a sincere interest in neurodiversity? Please consider emailing this episode to them.We believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content.Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them.Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. Link in description.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts enjoy a free subscription. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    Autism, Neurodiversity, 3 Poems... 3 Rando Manifestos

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 5, 2025 15:21


    Cold OpenI was not born to be pitied. I was born to raise Hell. Autistic style.IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 4. Breaking mirrors, dancing at the edge of noise, raising autistic hell. Autism, Neurodiversity, 3 Poems... and 3 Rando Manifestos. Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma, sexual assault, self-harm, rage, transformative therapy moments + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice… 71.[Music]1953.Manifesto #1I was Born Autistic. Not to be Fixed…I'm autistic. Born 1953.I was not a product of a vaccine.I was not a product of a disease. Mental or physical.I was not a mistake. Genetic or epigenetic.I was not born to be fixed by CBT, pill or chip.I was not born to be pitied.I was born to raise Hell. Autistic style.[Music]The static never stops.Poem #1Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise#AskingAuDHDists…bear with me a minute.I'm autistic+ADHD.71.i feel likea brilliant creative soulas if…trapped in a damaged body& neurologytrying to communicatewith the worldthrough an intermittentlyshort-circuiting transistor radioplaying through static& the distortion& sparking circuits…to just be heard.do you understand at all what I mean?#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #ReallyAuDHD[Music]Sometimes? The mask slips…Poem #2AFTER THE SECRETI have strengths.Not one is my superpower.I have challenges.Not one is my kryptonite.I'm that kid in third gradeDrop drop DroppingA mysterious blue crystalInto that test tube—Squealing in delightEvery time it explodes…In purple streams.I love cosplay.But I don't have to flyWear a maskOr sport a capeTo be autistic.Still…I get to be the heroor bald evil geniusof my own life.[Music]Neurodivergent life… twists different.Manifesto #2My Autistic Life: Mebbe a Little Zelig. Mebbe a Bit Forest Gump. But All Me.Sharing our Neurodivergent stories is powerful.I was born before autism was invented… More or less. 1953.Been a meditation teacher,cult member,magazine publisher,ad agency owner,non-profit activist,3-time grad student3-time husband,homeless,mental health counselor,substance abuse counselor,cult counselor,homeless,fast-food clerk,Pretend Rock Star,homeless…I've bantered with Bill Gates.Felt stupid in front of Bill Joy.Touched the Maharishi.Stumbled on Keith HaringJumping turnstiles in the subway…But…I met anonymous geniusesin cubicles,bull penstrailer parks,on the street…This is not my idle boast. This is my earnest promise. Ask the neurodivergent in front of you…Have they got stories to tell you. Genius touches every life. Of every 'type. If you can perceive it.So.I have no credentials to offer. At least none that matters to me... anymore.So I offer my life. My autistic life. Hoping better for our kids.Because if nothing changes…Content Note: Discussion of trauma statistics and sexual assaultOver 80% of them will experience trauma in their life. Interpersonal violence, bullying, sensory trauma, emotional abuse, and systemic discrimination. Nearly three times higher than average. And many autistic individuals experience multiple types of trauma concurrently.Just as I did in the 1950s. Bullying by classmates & teachers. Physical attacks on the playgrounds. Sexual attack in the park. And in the home,Trauma not from neurodivergence. Trauma from how modern society treats the neurodivergent.[Music]That clean, polite, clinical phrase… “trauma?” It has a personal face, a personal moment in every neurodivergent life.This is mine.Session #137. When memory breaks.Poem #3The Body Abides"Like I told youNothing really happenedCan't sleep is all…."He repeats his view,"The body watches.The body ALWAYSFucking watches.""Yeah, he kissed meFathers do that.Yeah, it was weird but…."He whispers me,"Your body, your witness.And this witness ALWAYSFucking watches."Then he leans in…"What if he'd kissedyour sister's lips…?""I'd fucking kill him."That's when…i see mein his mirrorwatching myselfwatch my selftransparently autistica son no more,yet the body…abides.ragedark rageScreaming RAGEi'd fucking kill himfucking kill himkill himHim.i rise…soslowlyand fucking smash that mirrori rock, i sway…i rub one red eye.i stand, I stare…I sigh, I say,"My body watchesThe body ALWAYSFucking watches…,"As I close his office door…I abide.[Music]Decades later. Still raising hell.Manifesto #3Now… About That Autistic Hell We Was Talking about Raising…We ask awkward questions. And find new answers.We see different. Make electrifying connections.We feel patterns. To larger truths.We are passionateWe adapt.Survive.Disrupt.Transform…Raising a fat middle fingerTo normal.Now, that's the kinda hell… I'm talking about raising.How's about neurodivergent you?One last thing…be proud.be proud you're autistic.be proud you're alive.despite everything people and nature...life...threw at you...you're still breathing.you're still breathing…no mean feat that. I know firsthand.be proud.be damn proud.#ActuallyAutisticOutroIn coming weeks, we'll challenge the medical model of autism, examining how neurodivergent individuals can build sustainable, authentic lives - with or without professional intervention.AutisticAF Out Loud podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. Know a friend or family member with a sincere interest in neurodiversity? Please consider emailing this episode to them.We believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content. Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them. Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. Link in description.Written in rage. Published in hope. December 2024. Greene County, Indiana.To give a one-time tip to support this work: https://ko-fi.com/autisticafTo offer ongoing support for my work, please consider becoming a paid subscriber…#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts enjoy a free subscription. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 16, 2024 3:03


    Full podcast with links to available poster artwork: https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/podcast-every-clock-is-a-handgun-2ee Sensory-Friendly Discussion & Summary: https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio Transcript: Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun Pointed at My Head This spoken word on my autistic experience of time contains triggering topics. If you are sensitive to frank discussion of abuse, I created a sensory-friendly audio summary. Link in description (https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio) Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head THREE Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head Every tick, tick… fucking tick Tolling Fear, Doom… dread Click. Slide. Cock… click. Every night a mantra echoes through my head TV static… a crazy-making hum Singing Dream, Drempt… dead… Not done. Not done. Not done… undone. 10, 9, 8… Dread 7, 6, 5… Fear 4, 3, 2… BEEP. Shoot the moon… or the country next door Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Bound behind doors, bound in my head Pace, paces, pacing… paced Every BEEP. Of the phone. Stops… my heart. . . . I crash out with a scream for escape TWO Woods Deep woods Deepest woods My ears fly from bird song to bird song. A raptor circles then spirals Crossing lines now dead Wind steals my breath Taking words never said This skin bag of atmosphere Breathes new air When the sun rises First it is cool Then it gets warm The day passes Clouds above my head. Shaped by wind Outside my body The same wind Inside my body The same wind Yet… ONE 10, 9, 8… Dread 7, 6, 5… Fear 4, 3, 2… BEEP. Shoot the moon… or the country next door Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head ZERO This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    Podcast: Every Clock is a Handgun in My Autistic Time

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 5, 2024 33:22


    Hey! I'm Johnny Profane… back after a 6-month bout of the "shys" to launch Season 5 of AutisticAF Out Loud. Missed you guys… But I'm here now, at least for the moment... Let's do something great with that moment, shall we?This seems like the perfect occasion to talk about Time… and how it passes. A crucial topic… whether you're autistic or ADHD, wonder if you are, have kids or a loved one, work with some, or work to support us…I want to give you my experience of autistic time. Which is not chained to clocks or calendars. And different enough from what most folks expect… that I've struggled for two years… just to use my words. So I've turned to art. Which is both adult and intense at points…Some of the images are available as posters. And stick around to the end for a special AI-generated treat. Google's NotebookLM creates a lively dialogue between two AI commentators to break down the key ideas… especially for non-autistics. It's like having digital study buddies to help process all this time-bending stuff!Every clock is a handgun pointed at my headIIIEvery clock is a handgun pointed at my headEvery tick, tick… fucking tickTolling Fear, Doom… dreadClick. Slide. Cock… click.Every night a mantra echoes through my headTV static… a crazy-making humSinging Dream, Drempt… dead…Not done. Not done. Not done… undone.10, 9, 8… Dread7, 6, 5… Fear4, 3, 2… BEEP.Shoot the moon… or the country next doorCountdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead.Bound behind doors, bound in my headPace, paces, pacing… pacedEvery BEEP.Of the phone.Stops…my heart. . . . I crash out with a scream for escapeIIWoodsDeep woodsDeepest woodsMy ears flyfrom bird songto bird song.A raptor circles then spiralsCrossing lines now deadWind steals my breathTaking words never saidThis skin bag of atmosphereBreathes new airWhen the sun risesFirst it is coolThen it gets warmThe day passesClouds above my head.Shaped by windOutside my bodyThe same windInside my bodyThesamewindYet…I10, 9, 8… Dread7, 6, 5… Fear4, 3, 2… BEEP.Shoot the moon… or the country next doorCountdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead.Every clock is a handgun pointed at my headzeroThe Māori must be a wise people. They really get autistic time.Or at least, Keri Opai did back in 2017. That's when he coined their new dictionary entry for autism, Takiwātanga, “in his or her own time and space.”Keri is an author, educator, and social activist. He certainly knew of the Western Medical Model of autism. But… it seems, Keri's childhood pal, Peter, was autistic. So Keri just could not bring himself to define us as broken.No medical pathology in Keri's words. No disabling pity. Rather, respect. Even admiration…He, and his people, saw what many of us feel. Our deep connection with natural rhythms. Our walk through the world at our own pace. On our own path. Maybe in our own dimensions of time & space.Takiwātanga. A dictionary definition born out of love. It captures the heart of my autistic life — a different walk through time and space.Reflecting on Keri's compassionate wisdom… My guess is that the Māoris, at least, are glad we're on the planet. Not because of our needs. Because of our contributions. Rooted in our different perceptions, our outsider experiences.Let's dive deeper into Māoris, autism, and our journey through time perception. After this quick word, got bills to pay…[ad]This podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. We believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Which is why we offer all our autistic information for free. To ensure this resource remains available for those who can't afford it, consider choosing a paid subscription at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com. Link in the description.So, maybe the Māoris offer the understanding we autistics need. But Western science still struggles to catch up. Their “Autistic Spectrum”? A laundry list of supposed problems… like “Time Blindness.” Only a problem from an ableist point of view. In an industrialist society.Problems that might be strengths in a different time, a different place.Try as I might, I could never measure my time by checking off boxes under “Goals Met.” Like how many widgets I punch out each hour. Which has nothing to do with my quality of life... which is very much wrapped up in the joy of my process.Why do I want to make you feel how I experience time as an autistic person? How can we understand each other... care for each other... if we don't explore each other?Why do I use art? Because research trends and terms change with the times... like all things human made. I could wave my hands and quote “neuroplasticity” & “quantum effects” all day and into the night. But that would negate my words in a few years. When the whole research paradigm changes… yet again.But raw human experience endures. So… I offer you poetry. So… I offer you images.So… I welcome you into my world.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. To leave a one-time tip of any amount, please visit Ko-Fi.Right up front, every time…We autistics are not all the same.Example: Most folks know autistic kids and adults may have sensory differences. What most don't know? Some of us are not overwhelmed by loud noise, bright lights, big crowds.Some of us are exhilarated… by them.And some… like me… experience a bit of both…So then, what do we share in common as autists? An UN-common sensitivity and reaction to extreme sensory input. Yet, we respond in individual ways… because we've lived different lives.Keep that in mind as I discuss my personal experiences of time, memory… thought. Both research and personal stories show we autists experience time in ways uncommon for most humans.But each of us experiences time differently. Even as polar opposites.In My Autistic TimeWant me for dinner? I may bust a gut to please you. AND yet…I'll end up mumbling some variation of “I have no freaking clue how so much time could have passed... um, again.”But get me focused… particularly on my passions… writing or music?I effortlessly monitor… fractions of a second...To hit precisely…The right hesitation… of that one… musical note.Or the perfect combo… of word choice… and white space…That.Makes…The phrase.Now, weirdly, any period much longer than a day? All kinda melts together. I can forget to send in a vital Social Security form, thinking, “I just got it yesterday. I still got time…” Weeks later. Months later. Too much later…Or I might pick up a convo in mid-sentence when I see a friend. From the last time I saw him. Which coulda been two jobs… and a career or so... ago.Like I have one button on my clock, “NOW.” And for bonus points, its alarm function has no mega-freaking clue… How long it takes to complete any task invented by any human.At any time in history.Or any space we've ever occupied."Sure, hon, I'll make dinner tonight! That fake rice-a-roni I make takes 14 minutes to boil. I'll see ya in about 20.” One annoyed emoji and an hour later…

    One Autistic Voice: Escapin Up The Country

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 15, 2024 2:21


    An Example of Exclusive Subscriber Content… Raw, Real, Authentic.I'm letting my one austic voice do all the talking this time. I kinda like that.AutisticAF Out Loud - One Autistic Voice. Hmm…Here's my first thank you. My first real attempt at being live on camera. It's an autistic thing. No mask. No cosplay. I explain after you hit the button….Anyway, this one's for you. All the subscribers. You were here before I had the spoons to make it happen.Now that I'm on the mend, I intend to make the most of subStack for you.Promise.-Johnny Get full access to #AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Unique Neurodivergent Ass… s4e3

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 1, 2024 17:39


    Shattering Neurodivergent Stereotypes: A Raw Dialogue for Tomorrow's Generations Description: Embark on a transformative journey with Johnny Profane in this compelling episode of AutisticAF Out Loud, titled "Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Unique Neurodivergent Ass…". This conversation goes beyond dismantling societal myths and stereotypes about neurodivergence; it's a call to action for creating a more understanding and inclusive culture for neurodivergent children and future generations. Beyond the Success Myth: Delve into the often overlooked struggles against poverty and trauma, as Johnny shares insights from his own life, challenging the glossy narratives that dominate mainstream discussions about neurodivergence. Debunking Harmful Ideologies: This episode takes a critical stance against toxic positivity and the misleading belief that adversity naturally breeds strength, offering a more nuanced view of the neurodivergent experience. The Truth About Disability: Moving past the inspirational narrative, Johnny discusses the real, day-to-day challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals, debunking myths of hidden superpowers in favor of a more grounded understanding. Critiquing Consumer Culture: Explore how consumer culture perpetuates dissatisfaction and alienation, particularly affecting those who feel marginalized, and discuss the importance of fostering a culture that values individuals for who they are, not what they consume. Valuing True Resilience: Celebrate the authentic resilience and strength within the neurodivergent community, recognizing the courage it takes to navigate a world that often seems indifferent or hostile to their needs. Crafting a Future of Inclusion: Highlighting the episode's closing message, Johnny Profane emphasizes the importance of building a supportive, inclusive culture that honors neurodivergent experiences. This isn't just about challenging stereotypes; it's about laying the groundwork for a world where neurodivergent children can grow up feeling valued, understood, and empowered. A Call to Create Change: Engage in this critical dialogue not just as listeners, but as active participants in shaping a more inclusive future. This episode is an invitation to everyone—parents, educators, allies—to join in the effort to ensure that the next generation of neurodivergent individuals inherits a culture that celebrates their unique contributions and supports their growth. Key Insights: Challenge and redefine the narratives surrounding neurodivergence and disability. Understand the damaging impact of societal expectations and toxic positivity on neurodivergent individuals. Acknowledge the real challenges and celebrate the genuine strengths within the neurodivergent community. Advocate for a shift towards a more inclusive, understanding culture that prepares a better world for neurodivergent children. Join the Movement: Dive deeper into the conversation about creating a supportive environment for neurodivergent individuals. Share your insights, experiences, and hopes for the future, contributing to a broader understanding and acceptance. Be part of the change that ensures a more inclusive world for neurodivergent children and future generations. Themes: Breaking Stereotypes, Authentic Experiences, Inclusive Future Tags: Neurodivergent Realities, Beyond Disability Myths, Toxic Positivity Critique, Future of Neurodiversity, Inclusive Culture Building, Empowering Neurodivergent Voices, Advocacy for Neurodivergent Children, Autism, Autistic, Actually Autistic, Autism Podcast, Autistic Podcast, Neurodivergent Podcast --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/autisticaf/message

    Autism? It's a State of Being. NOT an Identity Group, s4e2

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 20, 2024 14:28


    Autistic Authenticity: Navigating Identity and Community Description: Dive into a candid conversation on AutisticAF Out Loud, where we tackle the often blurred lines between being autistic, belonging to identity groups, and maintaining personal integrity. "Autism? It's a State of Being. NOT an Identity Group" serves as a bold reminder that autism is an inherent part of us, not a badge to be worn or a club to join. Through this episode, we explore the delicate balance between finding community support and preserving our unique autistic identity. We question the constructs of identity groups, challenge the notion of toxic conformity, and celebrate the unapologetic expression of our autistic selves. Ideal for anyone touched by autism or intrigued by the diversity of human experience, this episode encourages a dialogue about authenticity, resilience, and the journey towards understanding our true selves within the vast spectrum of neurodiversity. Embracing Authenticity in Neurodiversity Unveiling the True Self Beyond Autism's Labels A dive into personal identity amidst the complexities of neurodiversity. The delicate balance between individuality and community expectations. Sharing a journey of self-awareness, challenging societal norms, and finding joy in authenticity. Do you see reflections of your own experiences? Join us as we navigate this personal voyage. Explore the Depths: A candid examination of autism as an innate aspect of existence, not a societal group. The transition from external pressures to genuine self-expression within the autistic spectrum. Discovering moments of genuine self-recognition and the simple pleasures of living authentically. Intrigued by the intricate details? Engage with us as we unravel these layers. Participate in the Dialogue: Connect with a narrative that questions mainstream perceptions and honors the diversity of neurodiversity. Contribute your insights and experiences as we delve into the nuances of authentic autistic living. Foster a conversation that broadens the understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity. Inspired by our collective journeys? Let your voice join in and enrich the discourse. Themes: Personal Identity Exploration, Neurodiversity Embrace, Authentic Living Tags: Autistic Personal Identity, Authentic Neurodiversity Experience, Autism Beyond Labels, Genuine Autistic Expression, Neurodiverse Individuality Insights, Rejecting Conformity in Autism, Celebrating Autistic Authenticity, Embracing Neurodiverse Narratives --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/autisticaf/message

    Slouching Toward Joy: My Best 6 Phases To An Actually Autistic Relief, s4e1

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 6, 2024 16:49


    Embracing Autism's Raw Truths in My 70s Description: Dive deep with Johnny Profane into a journey unlike any other—a raw, unfiltered exploration of living with autism discovered later in life. This episode peels back the layers of daily life, challenges, and the unexpected joys found in the simplest moments. "Facing the reality of autism in my 70s, I share the gritty process of acceptance, the quest for authentic self-expression, and those radiant sparks of joy that light up the path." If you're seeking a story of real-life resilience, unexpected turns, and the beauty of embracing your true self, join us. For everyone navigating the complex tapestry of neurodiversity, this conversation is for you. Let's delve into the heart of autism's challenges and triumphs—no holds barred. Embracing Autism in My 70s The awakening to autism's reality after 70 years of life. The gritty, day-to-day acceptance and the small, radiant joys of being truly oneself. A personal narrative of discovery, challenge, and the unexpected rewards found in authenticity. Feel a connection? Reflect on your journey as we delve into mine. Dive Deep to Discover: An unvarnished look at the late diagnosis and its profound impact. The journey from societal conformity to embracing a unique autistic identity. The moments of clarity and joy that illuminate the path of self-discovery. Curious about the nuances? Join me as we explore the layers. Join the Conversation: Engage with a story that challenges conventional narratives and celebrates the neurodiverse experience. Share your thoughts and stories as we explore the complexities of living authentically with autism. Support a dialogue that elevates understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity. Moved by our shared stories? Your voice can amplify the message. Themes: Authentic Self-Discovery, Neurodiversity Celebration, Late-Life Awakening Tags: Autism in Later Life, Late Diagnosis Autism Journey, Embracing Neurodiversity After 70, Authentic Autism Experience, Senior Autistic Self-Discovery, Neurodiverse Life Reflections, Gritty Autism Acceptance, Autistic Joy in Adulthood, Unfiltered Autistic Narrative, Neurodiversity Celebration Stories --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/autisticaf/message

    The Night this Autistic Adult Broke Free: An Autistic A.F. Halloween Tale, s3e8

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 7, 2023 8:03 Transcription Available


    Homeless & Autistic...? Pt 2 - Theo Schools Me in Actually Autistic Joy s3e7

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 11, 2023 14:40


    Homeless & Autistic? Theo Taught Me Actually Autistic Joy in School s3E6

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 5, 2023 16:17 Transcription Available


    This Autistic's Fantasy: So, He Asks about My History… What I told My Doctor, s3e5

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 30, 2023 13:00 Transcription Available


    Perfectionism ain't working for me… maybe not for Autistic AF dot you, either. So here's something, shall we say, a little “rawer” than my usual /rant…Trascript: https://autisticaf.me/2023/09/29/this-autistics-fantasy-so-he-asks-about-my-history-what-i-told-my-doctor/#AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3e Spotify https://neon.ly/p1Vay Audible https://neon.ly/vkXa1 Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5Zn PocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3O Amazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeq Support the showSupport the show

    “Calm Down!” Why is this the WORST Advice You Can Give an Autistic Person?”

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 28, 2023 4:58


    Ever been told to ‘calm down'? How'd it feel? Well, this autistic feels like exploding!:https://autisticaf.me/2023/08/26/calm-down-why-is-this-the-worst-advice-you-can-give-an-autistic-person/#AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3e Spotify https://neon.ly/p1Vay Audible https://neon.ly/vkXa1 Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5Zn PocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3O Amazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeq Support the show

    "Neurodivergent Kiss: Autistic Fairytale... Or Fabulous Marriage?"

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 24, 2023 6:24 Transcription Available


    Folks ask about my #neurodivergent marriage.Umm… over and over. Like… “Is that even possible?”Gotta story for ya…Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/2023/08/18/neurodivergent-kiss-autistic-fairytale-or-fabulous-marriage/#AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3e Spotify https://neon.ly/p1Vay Audible https://neon.ly/vkXa1 Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5Zn PocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3O Amazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeq Support the show

    Authentic Autistic Life: 4 Short Stories Fearless, Joyful and Chaotic, s3e2

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 6, 2023 23:47 Transcription Available


    Season 3's mission? To boldly explore living authentically autistic... out loud. That first story? Carving out a safe space to be our true autistic selves... a big part of that quest.Support the show

    Love, Politics & Faking Normal: 3 New Autistic Myths s03e01

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 7, 2023 19:00


     Season 3 of AutisticAF Out Loud starts off with 3 new stories: 1. Living Unmasked Is a Political Act 2. Autism, Love & My Friend Billy: A New Epic Myth 3. Faking Normal: How I Mask My Writing Disorder... to Bring You Autistic Joy Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/2023/01/07/season-3-love-politics-faking-normal-3-new-autistic-myths/ "Hi! I'm still Johnny.I'm still Profane... AND I'm still here. Finally... Season 3 of Autistic as Fuck Out Loud! Why no episodes since Fall? Major burn out. Dog attack injuries. Coupla health scares. Some dark emotions. Exhaustion... Shut down for 3 months. Then woke up... So I'm declaring victory... and a new focus. How to live authentically autistic... out loud."#AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3e Spotify https://neon.ly/p1Vay Audible https://neon.ly/vkXa1 Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5Zn PocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3O Amazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeq 0:00 Intro 0:11 1. Living Unmasked Is a Political Act 1:14 Season 3: Living Autistic Authentically 2:32 2. Autism, Love & My Friend Billy: A New Epic Myth 10:02 3. Faking Normal: How I Mask My Writing Disorder... to Bring You Autistic Joy 17:57 Shoutouts, Coming Next Episode, How You Can Support Support the show

    #AutisticRave: Group Processing Disorder. It's a Thing.

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 25, 2022 5:41


    I'm autistic. And I can't DO social groups. I don't think I'm alone. So, I'm launching a hashtag. #GroupProcessingDisorder.Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/ #AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3e Spotify https://neon.ly/p1Vay Audible https://neon.ly/vkXa1 Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5Zn PocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3O Amazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeq  Support the showSupport the show

    Imaginary Friends? This Autistic Kid's Bestie... Dissociation, Pt 1

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 31, 2022 12:01


    Spacing out... Zoning out... Most autists do it... to survive boring conversations, family get-togethers...So dissociation's a good thing, Til it starts screwing with living your life. Or sense of reality. Content note: mild profanity, one bleeped expletive relating to intellecutal disability.Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/ #AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3e Spotify https://neon.ly/p1Vay Audible https://neon.ly/vkXa1 Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5Zn PocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3O Amazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeq  Support the show

    #AutisticRave: Life after Diagnosis: Joy... and Horror.

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 18, 2022 3:21


     Wanna know what autistic life is like at 70? Joy... and horror. Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/ #AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3e Spotify https://neon.ly/p1Vay Audible https://neon.ly/vkXa1 Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5Zn PocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3O Amazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeq Support the show

    #AutisticRave: #DisabilityTikTok, #DisabilityTwitter, and the Economy -s2e10

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 15, 2022 2:07


    Experimenting with  a short #AutisticRave format. Let me know if you'd like to see these in the mix for #AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast.TRANSCRIPT

    "Look Doc... You Just Don't GET #AutisticJoy"

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 26, 2022 16:53 Transcription Available


    This episode I talk aging as an Autistic Elder.Getting finally diagnosed at 63… only to face mental decline as I hit 70…?One Swedish study pegged autistic male lifespan at 53. So I'm living on 17 years of borrowed time, I guess… so far.If you're autistic, love one, work with some… or just can't figure out if you are one…There's gonna come a time you worry…Real talk. About real life.Cuz they ain't talking autism in AARP… yet.EXPLICIT: some profanity, brief mentions of drug use & suicidality.Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/2022/06/26/look-doc-you-just-dont-get-autisticjoyVideocast with captions: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyhr_MrWVItlwTWODxbZR6AApple https://neon.ly/mDd3eSpotify https://neon.ly/p1VayAudible https://neon.ly/vkXa1Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5ZnPocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3OAmazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeWebsite & all platforms:  https://autisticafoutloud.buzzsprout.com

    Designing My Home Around Adult Autism: Pt. 2 - 7 Survival Principles

    Play Episode Listen Later May 18, 2022 13:01 Transcription Available


    Finally learning to create a place of safety, peace, and passionate work...Did more than keep me out of psych wards.It kept me alive. No joke.If you're autistic, love one, work with some… or just can't figure out if you *are* one…You really, *really * need to think about where you live... Videocast with captions: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TAMoN0j-bETranscript:https://autisticaf.me/2022/05/17/designing-my-home-around-adult-autism-pt-2---7-survival-principles/(opens in a new tab)  #AutisticAF Out Loud PodcastListen & Subscribe:Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3eSpotify https://neon.ly/p1VayAudible https://neon.ly/vkXa1Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5ZnPocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3OAmazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOe 

    Designing My Home Around Autism: Pt. 1 – Making It Work for Me

    Play Episode Listen Later May 13, 2022 18:34 Transcription Available


    What do *most* humans want from a new home?To entertain & impress guests. For everything else... they invented tool sheds... and storage units.Honestly...? Autistic-as-f***.me has *different* priorities. Videocast with captions: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyhr_MrWVItlwTWODxbZR6ATranscript: https://autisticaf.me/2022/05/12/designing-my-home-around-adult-autism-pt-1-making-it-work-for-me/#AutisticAF Out Loud PodcastListen & Subscribe:Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3eSpotify https://neon.ly/p1VayAudible https://neon.ly/vkXa1Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5ZnPocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3OAmazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOe 

    Inside Autism & Eye Contact: How It Feels… How to Deal with the Terror s2e6

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2022 25:48 Transcription Available


    Her eyes. So big… Then… Bigger…. Brighter… Enormous… I can't hear anything but a roar. Spinning. I'm going to fall… Terror. That's what eye contact *feels* like… Videocast with captions: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyhr_MrWVItlwTWODxbZR6ATranscript: https://autisticaf.me/2022/04/28/inside-autism-eye-contact-how-it-feels-how-to-deal-with-the-terror/ #AutisticAF Out Loud PodcastListen & Subscribe:Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3eSpotify https://neon.ly/p1VayAudible https://neon.ly/vkXa1Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5ZnPocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3OAmazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeq

    Fanning the Flames: #AutisticJoy in the Classroom - Intersectional Infinity Conference s02e05

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 3, 2022 56:16


    Johnny Profane's presentation to the Intersectional Inifinity Summit, educators, parents, caretakers... and autistic folks as well.A little funny. A little bittersweet. And a lotta sly insight from this former class clown...Let's kick Autistic April off with a squeal!Conference video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWu7rUtEb-cTranscript: https://autisticaf.me/ #AutisticAF Out Loud PodcastListen & Subscribe:Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3eSpotify https://neon.ly/p1VayAudible https://neon.ly/vkXa1Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5ZnPocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3OAmazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeq

    Selective Mutism: I Have No Mouth. But I Must SCREAM… s2e4

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 27, 2022 24:00


    “Are you okay? Are you okay? ARE YOU OKAY?”  Like they're talking to a Japanese tourist. And if they just shout loud enough… he'll understand English...  But I'm autistic. And can't speak. When they unload me from the ambulance & into the ER... Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/2022/03/26/selective-mutism-i-have-no-mouth-but-i-must-scream-s02e03-transcript/Listen, download, subscribe from Apple/Spotify/all platforms: https://neon.ly/AFOLcast 

    Sh*tpost: The Whole 'It's-Not-a-Disability-It's-Society' Myth… Sucks. s2e3

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2022 5:02


    “They” say #autism… or #ADHD… are not disabilities. It only seems like that in a world designed for “neurotypicals.”I call that some toxic bullsh*t.Heads up.I'm recovering from what may be a "cold"... or... Omicron Covid.So, I may be triple-vaxxed... But I'm unable to record this week.I'm trying an automated reading service to keep in touch with you all.I call this one, "Shitpost: The 'It's-Not-a-Disability-It's-Society' Myth… Sucks." Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/2022/02/19/shtpost-the-its-not-a-disability-its-society-myth-sucks/Listen, download, subscribe from Apple/Spotify/all platforms: https://neon.ly/AFOLcast

    “The Cavalry Never Comes”: Sexual Assault & An Autistic Life, Pt. 2 s02e02

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 13, 2022 19:38


    You can help your autistic loved ones feel safer from sexual abuse & assault... It starts with honesty about yourself... and them. Transcript: the-cavalry-never-comes-sexual-assault-an-autistic-life-pt-2-s02e02 #AutisticAF Out Loud.https://AutisticAF.meSubscribe:Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3eSpotify https://neon.ly/p1VayAudible https://neon.ly/vkXa1Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5ZnPocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3OAmazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeqTranscript/Blog: https://neon.ly/m5Q8o

    “Not Everyone Was My Friend”: Sexual Assault & An Autistic Life - s02e01

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 26, 2022 14:54


    Let's kick off Season 2 of #AutisticAF Out Loud podcast… by taking a risk.There's not much research on sexual abuse of autistic children… much less adults.Maybe funding sources aren't ready… yet… to stop trying to cure us. And study our lives.So here's my story. Someone's gotta start talking…I've gotta warn you it's rough. Some was too hard for me to read. So I used an assistive voice synthesizer… Weirdly enough, it's robotic voice moves me.If you're autistic, love one, or especially parent one…You need to hear this story.But sexual assault is traumatic. If you experienced it… or love someone who has… this graphic episode could disturb you. In the US, the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline offers support at 1-800-656-4673. Day or night. You'll find a link in the transcript. Also further reading.

    Confessions of an #AdultAutistic Anxiety Junkie - Stimming, Overload & Anxiety, Pt.3

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 27, 2021 15:30


    What better holiday to discuss adult autistic anxiety...Than Colonialist Thanksgiving....?For many, a freaking minefield of social obligation, exhausting small talk & *grinding* anxiety. Subscribe for all new episodes:#Apple: https://neon.ly/mDd3e#Spotify: https://neon.ly/p1Vay#Amazon/Alexa: https://neon.ly/mnOeq#Audible: https://neon.ly/vkX#Facebook: https://neon.ly/vgPJETranscript/Blog/More platforms: https://neon.ly/m5Q8o#ActuallyAutistic #ADHDSupport the show

    Zen & the Autistic Art of the Stim: Stimming, Overload & Anxiety, Pt. 2

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2021 23:39


    Here's the TL;DR....Dear autist, you are hard-wired for #AutisticJoy.Stimming is part of that wiring.You can use this reflex to manage a crisis...AND, believe it or not... to enrich your life.Support the show

    Autistic Stimming, Overload & Anxiety, Pt. 1: NOISE - A Spoken Song

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 24, 2021 7:51


    Let me bring you inside the experience of Autistic Sensory Overload.

    How to Get Diagnosed #ActuallyAutistic... In Just 26 Years! S01E08

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 8, 2021 18:22


    DSM 5… Diagnosis 299.00. An Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis… Why get one…? Does it label you for life? Does it change… anything…? Transcript available: https://AutisticAF.me/Support the show

    Autistic Shutdowns: Believe I‘ll Ch-Ch-Change My Shirt - A Spoken Song

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 29, 2021 10:13


    "Austistic Shutdowns: Believe I'll Ch-Ch-Change My Shirt - A Spoken Song (bonus podcast)"AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast: blog post with transcript... https://AutisticAF.me/ Apple/Spotify/Stitcher/Audible/PocketCasts/more https://t.co/gPstaaApXN #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAdult #DoILookAutisticYet #neurodiversityhttps://t.co/DYIsTy1Z0o

    #AutisticJoy, Orgasmic Learning... & Ecstasy

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 11, 2021 22:12


    TK--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/johnny-profane/support

    Comic Book Hero: Surviving Bullying - A Spoken Song - s2e6-Bonus

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 26, 2021 9:04


    "Comic Book Hero: Surviving Bullying - A Spoken Song (bonus podcast)" AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast: blog post with transcript... https://t.co/6n4S5UbCRF Apple/Spotify/Stitcher/Audible/PocketCasts/more https://t.co/gPstaaApXN #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAdult #DoILookAutisticYet #neurodiversity https://t.co/DYIsTy1Z0o--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/johnny-profane/support

    Autistic Masking as Performance Art - s1e6

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 21, 2021 14:33


    This episode is also available as a blog post with transcript: https://autisticaf.me/2021/08/21/autistic-masking-as-performance-art-podcast/--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/johnny-profane/support

    Dear Autists: Forgiving Your Family? NOT a Cosmic Rule... s1e5

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 11, 2021 13:09


    This episode is also available as a blog post with transcript: https://autisticaf.me/2021/08/11/dear-autist-forgiving-your-family-not-a-cosmic-rule-podcast/--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/johnny-profane/support

    Podcast: Millennial Friends: You. Are. Right… Question EveryTHING.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 29, 2021 16:21


    This episode is also available as a blog post with transcript: http://autisticaf.me/2021/07/28/millennial-friends-you-are-right-question-everything/--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/johnny-profane/supportSupport the show

    Podcast: I'm Still Autistic. I STILL Fear Cops: One Year after Linden Cameron

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 19, 2021 26:37


    I think it's time for a little controversy.Let's talk about cops… autists… and tragic violence. Out. Loud.Podcast, including transcript.#AutisticAF Out Loud.https://AutisticAF.meSubscribe:Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3eSpotify https://neon.ly/p1VayAudible https://neon.ly/vkXa1Stitcher https://neon.ly/vx5ZnPocketCasts https://neon.ly/NLL3OAmazon/Alexa https://neon.ly/mnOeqTranscript/Blog: https://neon.ly/m5Q8o Support the show

    S01E02: On #AutisticJoy, Personality & Being in the Flow…

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 5, 2021 19:01


    S01E02: On #AutisticJoy, Personality & Being in the Flow…Today, I'm hot on the trail of #Autistic Joy.What it is. Why you want it. How to get it. This episode is also available as a blog post with transcript: http://autisticaf.me/--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/johnny-profane/support

    Note to a Younger Autistic Friend, Episode 1

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 28, 2021 8:01


    “Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be autistic…”Heart-felt note to college student rebuked by professor for being… well, autistic.Also available as blog post with transcript: https://autisticaf.me/2021/06/28/note-to-a-younger-autistic-friend-podcast-1/--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/johnny-profane/support

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