Podcast appearances and mentions of Henry Drummond

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 9, 2024 64:29

I think I am safe in saying that my conversation with our guest, Aaron Waldron is one of the most unique and stimulating one I have had the honor to have. Aaron has, through their life, had a number of run-ins with parts of organized religion which, as they says, left them quite traumatized. Even so, they firmly believes in God and knows that God is in and all around us as they will tell us. In their life, they spent five years in the military. They also have spent much time searching for what they feel is their life's direction. As you will learn, they currently are pursuing a Doctorate of Ministry degree. One of the fascinating things about Aaron is that they have determined that they need to refer to themselves in the third person which they feels God is leading them to do in order that they remove more of the “I” out of their world. They will talk about their dissertation and their creation of the concept of Public Space Communities. I leave it to Aaron to explain this. I hope you find our session today as fascinating and thought provoking, as do I. It is always wonderful to learn about different points of view and how we should explore integrating them into our own thought processes. About the Guest: My name is Aaron Waldron; we are a 36-year-old religiously traumatized Theopoet: a Shaman in Journey. Our pronouns are they, their and them. We do not identify in the singular first-person pronoun (I), but instead, we identify as a collective third person pronoun (we). As a we continue to develop into a Path-Maker trekking unfollowable paths that take us on a Journey towards Self; we are currently in a doctoral process at the New York Theological Seminary seeking to develop spaces between larger spaces that offers community for religiously traumatized people and study a complicated form of suffering called, "religious trauma." It's my own religious trauma that inspires me to empathize and study religious trauma among humans in the 21st century. We seek to understand our Self through suffering entangled in religious trauma. We were born and raised under a Full Balsamic Moon (Often relied upon as a source for inspiration and energy) in Brooklyn, New York on March 15th (My Zodiac is Pisces) in the year 1987 C.E.; surviving the NYC shelter systems since we could walk with our Mother and younger brother. We have experienced religious trauma all our life. My Mother, a primal relationship embodying the Mother archetype, was colonized by a hateful religion (colonized Christianity) that forced her to be an extension of an invisible oppressor. We grew up hearing things like: "Aaron, I am your Mother and God commands you to obey me." We typically were punished by reading the Bible in my underwear while kneeling on rice with my face in a corner. Barriers of religious hatred prevented me from being my natural Self. Living under this imprisonment and oppression caused me to develop suicidal thoughts while attending the High School of Art & Design. After attempting and failing twice, we settled to venture into college with the support and encouragement of our Nana. During my first year at college, my girlfriend at the time was pregnant; we decided to drop out of college and joined the Army to provide for my beautiful daughter Serenity. During the time the "9/11 Attacks" made joining the military very enticing and patriotic. After serving about five years (2007-2012) and deploying to Iraq in 2010 for a year; we closed that chapter of our life and transitioned back into civilian life in 2012. We were homeless for a while, living in our car and going to school. It was an interesting time in my life, the friends we made got us through some dark times and we are eternally grateful. Ended up in Atlanta, GA helping homeless veterans get housing and employment as a "case manager and recruiter." We loved helping people who were in situations we have been in- we were able to empathize in ways others couldn't at the time. One day we experienced a Theophany (encounter with God in Dream) and we felt that God wanted us to know more about what God is or can be. So, we travelled back to NYC and enrolled in The New York Theological Seminary. We started with their certificate program and found our Self boldly stepping forward to enroll in the Master of Divinity program (M.Div.-a 4-year degree at the time) with a few college credits but no degree yet. During my spiritual and religious journey to find meaning in God and my Self, we married our Life Partner, Yesenia Fernandez, met my kindred spirit, Rev. Lopez-Joel Dautruche and started to understand what love is and how to love my Self. The idea of God transformed in indescribable ways; we felt called or pulled to study in NYTS's Multi-Faith D.Min. program. My dissertation is a large part of my life, it's an expression of what we are feeling and thinking, as well as what we have experienced. We wept uncontrollably in the first semester after realizing we must authentically commit our Self to this Journey. It was the first time in my life that we didn't feel scared anymore to be our Self. By boldly stepping forward and developing this "unstoppable mindset" we call: "a Path-Maker." All of our life's suffering and trauma to include religious trauma has brought us to this moment in existence and we feel deeply humbled- If not for God emerging within me, we wouldn't have stepped off-path to pave our own unfollowable path. Ways to connect with Aaron: Website: https://www.ashamaninjourney.com/ Email: ashamaninjourney@gmail.com Invite to Public|Space Community: https://public-space.mn.co/share/otOyc_jjtbH0DOyY YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@ashamaninjourney https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKROus_PpjszPrz2lT9iGDg Instagram: @ashaman_injourney Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aaron.waldron.5454 Linkedin: @AaronWaldron a Carrier Raven Newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/24ab73d6b1c1/a-carrier-raven?fbclid=IwAR35lB07oc1rwmsBUVG1fR4oYJDqrnLFfMw6H5wQ83JPw2rwDc8yA6LCxuY_aem_ASoQiPP_BGFeKopkir_8gAr4pD4RuOAp6bW6s7z9Q4zjrUWL1ic-6yYLUGJij1dlUjs About the Host: Michael Hingson is a New York Times best-selling author, international lecturer, and Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe. Michael, blind since birth, survived the 9/11 attacks with the help of his guide dog Roselle. This story is the subject of his best-selling book, Thunder Dog. Michael gives over 100 presentations around the world each year speaking to influential groups such as Exxon Mobile, AT&T, Federal Express, Scripps College, Rutgers University, Children's Hospital, and the American Red Cross just to name a few. He is Ambassador for the National Braille Literacy Campaign for the National Federation of the Blind and also serves as Ambassador for the American Humane Association's 2012 Hero Dog Awards. https://michaelhingson.com https://www.facebook.com/michael.hingson.author.speaker/ https://twitter.com/mhingson https://www.youtube.com/user/mhingson https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhingson/ accessiBe Links https://accessibe.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/accessiBe https://www.linkedin.com/company/accessibe/mycompany/ https://www.facebook.com/accessibe/ Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts. Transcription Notes **Michael Hingson ** 00:00 Access Cast and accessiBe Initiative presents Unstoppable Mindset. The podcast where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Hi, I'm Michael Hingson, Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe and the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, Thunder dog, the story of a blind man, his guide dog and the triumph of trust. Thanks for joining me on my podcast as we explore our own blinding fears of inclusion unacceptance and our resistance to change. We will discover the idea that no matter the situation, or the people we encounter, our own fears, and prejudices often are our strongest barriers to moving forward. The unstoppable mindset podcast is sponsored by accessiBe, that's a c c e s s i capital B e. Visit www.accessibe.com to learn how you can make your website accessible for persons with disabilities. And to help make the internet fully inclusive by the year 2025. Glad you dropped by we're happy to meet you and to have you here with us. **Michael Hingson ** 01:20 Well, hi, I am Mike Hingson. And, I want to welcome you to unstoppable mindset. You know, on unstoppable mindset, we get to talk to all sorts of people who have many, many different kinds of life journeys. And as I tell people, my most important goal on unstoppable mindset is to show every one of us who is listening and participating that we can be more unstoppable than we think we can. And unStopability is something that is different for everyone in the world. It's not the same necessarily for you or for me, or for our guest, Aaron Waldron today who comes to us, he describes himself as a shaman in Journey, religiously traumatized, I'm interested to hear about those things. And from talking with him a little bit before I know he's got a really interesting story to tell. And I want to get to it, I'm anxious to to hear it and to have a good conversation with with with him. So Aaron, welcome to unstoppable mindset. How are you? **Aaron Waldron ** 02:20 Thank you for having me, Michael, really appreciate it. **Michael Hingson ** 02:23 Well, why don't we if we could, at least a little bit. Why don't we start out with you talking maybe a little about the the early era and you know, growing up or some of those things and give us a little bit of idea of things that maybe helped shape the way you are today and so on? Definitely. **Aaron Waldron ** 02:41 Well, we started, we were raised in New York, New York City. **Michael Hingson ** 02:46 Let me let me interrupt if there's one thing I want you all to understand. Aaron speaks in the third person. I should have said that. I apologize. And he'll probably explain more about that. But I just want you to understand that that is what he's doing. So I'm sorry, Aaron. So you so born in New York City? **Aaron Waldron ** 03:04 Yes. We were born in New York City, Brooklyn, New York. And we were pretty much poor, our childhood, living along shelter systems, living off public assistance and whatnot. So it wasn't until after high school that, you know, my life started to expand outside of New York. And I joined, we joined the military. We joined the army specifically. And when did you get out of just that was in 2007. Okay. And that was out of, you know, trying to provide a better life for my child at the time, my daughter, and just climb out of the hole that we were in, you know. So yeah, we did have military service five years one tour to Iraq. And that was in 2010. And then we left the military in 2012. March, and started trying to acclimate back into the civilian world since 2013, really, but we found ourselves drawn to the nonprofit, you know, just trying to help people. And so we ended up helping homeless vets find employment and housing down in Atlanta. And that was a really interesting experience for me. It really helped me deal with my own PTSD and my own mental health issues, you know, struggling with memories, loss of people, things ideas, lack of money, support, you know, just really in a bad place mentally Lean, but, you know, this inner perseverance, you know, just push this through to become a different, better person. **Michael Hingson ** 05:11 What was it like coming back from the military coming back from Iraq and the military in general and then integrating in? I've never really had many discussions with people about that. But I I'm sure that it must have been an is a challenge for anyone, because you're going from one kind of a culture that you became engrossed in when you join the military to now a culture that maybe you were used to before, but it's, I would think, sort of totally foreign, because it's not what you did for a number of years. Your case fives. **Aaron Waldron ** 05:49 Yeah, you're right. It was a completely it was like acclimating to a language that you have forgotten. You know, in the civilian world, there's a language, a way of understanding things, a way of operating and living and existing. But in the military, you know, it's centered around these three concepts, right place, right time, right, uniform. And so it really makes life different, it makes it simpler from a soldiers perspective. You know, if you focus on those three things, you'll exceed and be successful, you know, mission accomplished. But when you come to the civilian world, it becomes so much complex, more complex, because you know, you can wear the right uniform be at the right place at the right time. But you're still not enough. **Michael Hingson ** 06:41 And a lot of people, and a lot of other people aren't necessarily in the same place that you are. **Aaron Waldron ** 06:49 Right? Exactly. Statistically, most people, veterans don't really do well, when they have to acclimate back into society, because it's just, we're not accepted, there's no space. For us, there's no bridge in between what you did to serve your country as a skill as a job. And then crossing it over to something you can do in the civilian world that's not so focused on violence or bringing about violence. You know, there's a lot of great organizational skills that we develop leadership skills. This is something that most civilians lack the ability to work well with others, you know, and then it becomes a strong suit, when you come through the military, even at the basic training. So **Michael Hingson ** 07:40 it's a lot to get used to, needless to say, yeah, yeah. Like, what, how to? I'm sure you've thought about this? What can we do societally to change that so that people who are here become more accepting or more understanding? Or? Or maybe it's that there needs to be done more than the military? But how do we deal with that? Because it certainly shouldn't be that way. It's got to be pretty traumatic, all the way around. And **Aaron Waldron ** 08:13 definitely, you know, that's, that's, that's tough, because, from my opinion, these initiatives to help bridge veterans into society should come from the same population. You know, it shouldn't be led by veterans. You know, we have programs or initiatives that are spearheaded by civilians with no experience, then it comes off a little insensitive, and it doesn't consider the many complexities that a veteran is aware of, and is dealing with. So there's, you know, a dis attachment, a disconnection, you know, so when we go to the VA, and we're talking to the civilians that are just trying to do their job, they're not fully understanding what we're dealing with. And so it should be more vets, you know, becoming like peer support specialists or, you know, things of that nature. There should be opportunities for vets to come back and help mentor other events and help in that way. But yeah, that's just my two cents. But I definitely believe it's a very complex situation, and there's no easy solution. **Michael Hingson ** 09:26 Do you think any of that is changing and more bets are becoming involved in various ways? Yes **Aaron Waldron ** 09:31 and no. Yes and no. Like there's opportunities for vets to start businesses, yes. But the lack of training and no house is not there. The guidance, you know, a lot of vets are dealing with trauma, you know, physically and mentally and even to the extent of religiously and spiritually, and it's preventing them from having a successful wholesome life. You know, a lot of them are dealing and struggling on a daily basis with regret. Thoughts of loss, thoughts of not having, you know, **Michael Hingson ** 10:13 and thoughts of the things that they had to face when they were in the military and possibly overseas. Dealing with operations? **Aaron Waldron ** 10:22 Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So **Michael Hingson ** 10:24 it's kind of no fun. Well, so you did come back in to the, to society. And you're, you're working to make your way. And you've been doing that for what now? 10 years? But what what's it been like? Or maybe I should ask a different question. What have you been doing? And and what is it evolved to for you? **Aaron Waldron ** 10:49 Yeah, that last 10 years have been indescribable. We had a very divine moment, as a dream. And in this dream, we felt and believed that we had an interaction with God, and gave us a message to come seek and find God, no God more. And in our life, at the time, we were struggling with the understanding of God, we were in religion. And we were asking a lot of questions to the local pastors. And a lot of these questions ended up going to places like, well, you just have to eventually you just have faith, you know, or it was you shouldn't question God so much, you know, things like that. So having this dream kind of felt like it was empowerment from God, the universe, the greater that created us, you know, like, saying, Come find me, We're not hiding from you, you know, like, come get to me. And so the come getting to know me, led to us going to seminary, of all places, we've been to college a few times, but never completed our degree, and then found ourselves with a couple of college credits applying to the masters of divinity at New York Theological Seminary, and getting accepted. That was really a big one for us, because it was just like, on paper, it looked like a no brainer, this person should not come in maybe because they don't like they lack credentials, or whatever. But honestly, through the grace of God, it just, we were accepted to the interview. And we were on probation, academic probation for about a year. And we demonstrated that, you know, we could exceed maintaining above 80%. And we kept going, you know, and as we Interesting enough, we thought we were going to become more Christian, like, you know, and get into that. We even was attempting to become a reverend, and go through ordination. And even that process was very traumatic for us. And we were surrounded by insensitive peers that just didn't see that something was wrong, something didn't feel right with Aaron. And for a lot of other people, too. It wasn't just Aaron. And before you know it, we had to just listen to this voice inside of us that said, maybe this is not your path. Maybe you're not intended to go down this road. You know, it's not saying that it's a bad road. It's just saying, maybe it's not for you. And from that moment, we've just been constantly having this organic conversation with an inner source that we believe is God, you know, guiding us, counseling us, you know, the spirit, you can call it, and being led by the Spirit has transformed us in indescribable ways that we never imagined to be a shaman and journey. It just came about. **Michael Hingson ** 13:58 Tell me more about that. What does that mean being a shaman and journey? So you would please? **Aaron Waldron ** 14:04 Yeah, of course, there's a lot of different definitions or descriptions of a shaman around the world. Typically, they are holy, sacred people. People that traverse the physical and the spiritual side of life. But there's also a definition of shamanism or shamans. That applies to everybody, everyone's a shaman. But to acknowledge yourself as a shaman is to acknowledge that you are on a pursuit of a higher version of yourself, you're awaken to a certain degree, you see things differently, and you're not looking to follow so much, but to really embody this natural leader, you know, and we give description to this as a path maker, which can be anybody regardless of your ethnicity, your gender. You know, anything like every human has the capability of, you know, making their own path. So ultimately, you know to be a shaman is just to be that it doesn't require you to have magical powers or you don't necessarily have to be born from a certain tribe. Again, these are all traditional views, yes, and they're all respected, but they're not absolute. And to be a shaman is to also step into nothing is absolute, is to accept the in differences in the world to, to see that other is you and you are other. And I see that, you know, it's about your ego, and it's about you and to be a shaman is to step into a higher state of consciousness. **Michael Hingson ** 15:46 So you do you kind of think if I want to ask this, I guess well, I'll just ask. So where do you fit what you do or believe into the world of what a lot of people face here in this country? Which is Christianity? Do you reject Christianity? Is that a just a different path? Or what? **Aaron Waldron ** 16:16 No, yeah, thank you for that question. Reject is not something that we're doing. That's not the way to describe it. But we've been able to step out of this field poetic for walls of religion, and see that there's the many that are trying to describe God are all right, and all wrong at the same time. And so being that America is a Christian hegemony, and is predominantly dominated by Christian values and beliefs, the belief that there's one God, one savior, it falls into this absolute idea. And that's where it gets dangerous, because then you have people that believe they have to forcefully convert others to save their soul, by any means necessary. And we have data that demonstrates how you know, religious conversions around the world have also demonstrated killing people. These are not just harmless acts, these are violent acts to force people to belief systems, that they believe they're doing God's work by saving this person's soul by converting them into something that is not natural to them. And so that's just like burning down the Amazon, it's equivalent, you know, when we go around with our beliefs, and Christianity has been doing this around the world, historically. So this is nothing new. It's just we believe we're in a time where we can start articulating and understanding that Christianity is not the one sole religion, that's the saving grace of the world, and all existence. It's a very strong popular religion, but it has been hurting people along the way. And we cannot, you know, continue to overlook that. And so with that, we stepped out or stepped from that step outside that space of Christianity, and religion, for that matter, to help people that are navigating how to pursue God outside of these common strong religious avenues of belief and traditions. **Michael Hingson ** 18:36 So you got a master's degree in divinity and you're now working on a PhD? How does the the school the college where you are fit in to your beliefs? Or how do people their receive you and your thoughts? Interesting **Aaron Waldron ** 18:54 enough, Aaron is received with love and acceptance, because people that know me know, we're not a violent activists. We just are an advocate of our experiences. And it just so happens that there's hundreds of 1000s of other people that experienced similar things, such as this idea of religious trauma, and the effects of it and how it affects us in forming our identity, navigating the world, understanding who we are connecting with the thing, the thing that we can't see or describe, you know, this, this idea of God, you know, so it's kind of if you think about it, we're rethinking church beyond church, creating spaces for people to gather and still feel welcomed and feel encouraged to pursue God, outside of religion in their own ways. So yeah, that's all we're really doing is being a path maker embodying this idea that we're paving a path that others can learn from and see that you can do it too. **Michael Hingson ** 20:15 And that, I guess, is why I asked the question, because the I'm sure that the perception of a lot of people is that schools of divinity, like that are just Christian oriented. And the reality is, they're not they're God oriented, which is very possibly a whole different thing. Yes. And it's so important. Go ahead. Go ahead. **Aaron Waldron ** 20:39 No, I was just gonna say, especially because the seminary is one of few seminaries in America that have a multi phase program at a doctoral level. **Michael Hingson ** 20:52 And so classifying is always tough. What would you be classified as then in that multifaith program? **Aaron Waldron ** 21:00 I guess using their grouping terms would be falling along the spiritualist. Okay, track. Okay. **Michael Hingson ** 21:10 Yeah. Cool. Well, you know, again, I think, personally, that it's all about God. And, and you can talk about Jesus, you can talk about any nun, any number of things, but it's still ultimately in Jesus would would say in the Bible, that it's really all about God. And as he's pointed out, I am my father are one and so are all of you. So it really is, or ought to be viewed. In the same way, unfortunately, we, we do tend to become very limited at times and what we do, which is something that that then tends to create a lot of the separations that, that we face. It's true. So what's your PhD thesis on? For clarity, it's **Aaron Waldron ** 22:05 not a PhD, but it's a demon. But my, it's a dissertation, my dissertation is on, or called, between space. And the idea is to create spaces in between larger structures of spaces, such as religions, to allow people to gather and develop, share, and to be heard, by being listened to. So we created a digital community. And this digital community for the last eight months has been thriving slowly, really drawing people that are interested in developing themselves outside of religion, people that have been hurt by religion, and are trying to navigate and figure out what part of that that hurt belongs to God, and what part of that hurt belongs to humans, decisions or choices, or immaturity. So this space allows that to happen. We also have a teaching space that we use films, it's called between film, it's an artistic field poetic approach to helping us navigate and understand a lot of different complicated spiritual mental ideas, you know, such as the self, the shadow, the development of self through a hero's journey. Community, what can that look like a meta spiritual community. So we been looking over films and talking over them, they're pretty cool. And it's really great, because a lot of people get intimidated by books. And so with this kind of teaching approach, people are just jumping in, they're like, Oh, I saw that movie, or we watched the clip, and then we talk about it. And it's more inviting, you know, there's no gap, thinking. There's a lot of people thinking that, you know, they gotta read a lot to be smart, but we're naturally very highly intelligent as humans. And, you know, we spend a lot of our early upbringing not being cultivated, but being conditioned. And so this approach also is trying to help people recondition their minds and kind of decolonize their minds so that they can go about identifying themselves identifying with spirituality, they want to formulate and use for their own well being without tarnishing them and putting them down and telling them what to do. **Michael Hingson ** 24:39 Yeah, I guess I said PhD I should have probably said Doctorate of divinity is that correct? **Aaron Waldron ** 24:46 Doctor of Ministry doctor and Dr. Ministry, okay. **Michael Hingson ** 24:49 Okay. Anyway. Okay, well, good to have the right terminology. But so that is what the public space community is about. out the things that you're talking about **Aaron Waldron ** 25:03 is rotation. Yeah. So did **Michael Hingson ** 25:05 is this a concept that you created? Or was this something that was already around? And you are, you're studying it more? Did you create it? As I say? **Aaron Waldron ** 25:15 No, yeah, we started it actually. And it's based out of our own experiences and traumas. So we went about this idea of formulating a community and space that was hyper focused on the digital. So we meet through zoom, or some form of digital meetup. And it also allows us to not focus on the physical gathering. And there's a lot of complications that come with the physical gathering, as you well know, you know, with even disability. And if you have a congregation that is physically disabled, and you're in a physical church, and they're arguing over physical space, that's something that we alleviated by just focusing on the digital space, so that we could really focus on our thoughts, our spirits, the spiritual aspects energy, not what we look like at the time, or what we're dressed like, or where we're sitting or traffic and stuff like that. So we really wanted to focus on digital community. And most of the car, the community members are millennials. So they're very busy. And there was another thing, it was hard for them to physically meet. But if we did a digital meet, it was easier for everyone to manage. So **Michael Hingson ** 26:39 it's, it's interesting, maybe, maybe it shouldn't be considered so fascinating. Well, what do you think more? Or most of the people are millennials? **Aaron Waldron ** 26:48 Oh, yeah, that is an interesting part of my research was trying to understand that very same inquiry, why millennials, and it just so happened that over the last decade, the series of events, historical events have kind of shaped and pushed this particular group of people sad are in a particular age range that we classify as millennials to respond to religion in a particular way, we started to see a huge increase a significant increase, and people leaving the church, and a lot of those leaving people leaving the church were millenniums. And you have the age group that's older than them. They're their parents and their grandparents that have a sense of loyalty to their church. But Millennials tend to have this, this thing going on, where they're questioning things, and they're sensitive to things. And so they say, most millennials are just saying, you know, I don't feel comfortable in church anymore. And you know, there's this guilt from past generations that say, well, you're supposed to do this you should be doing is, it's the right thing to do. And so we see in this particular age group, millennials, that they're deciding to think for themselves alone, a lot of critical thinking, is taking off. And then you see in their children, Gen Z, you see this even more, you know, but my research is focused on millennials. But hopefully in the near future, we can extend to start studying and understanding the effects of Gen Z, our children, millennials, children's children. It **Michael Hingson ** 28:34 is it is interesting to see what's happening. And I've heard and seen in a number of things that I have read that millennials and now Gen Z are people who are searching, and are willing to expand their minds and look at alternatives, which is something that hopefully will take them down some paths that will also help them deal with some of our more materialistic things in our world a little bit differently than people in the past have done as well. But I think we'll have to wait and see where that goes. So do you think that if if people understood it, if Millennials understood it, they would say that they have suffered a lot from religious trauma? You've you've used that term a bunch times I'd love to learn a little bit more about what what you mean by that, but and also then asked answering that question, have you think that's what they would say as well as that? It's a lot about religious trauma. **Aaron Waldron ** 29:43 Yes, exactly. Yes, we would, because we started seeing that most people don't even make connections that they have religious trauma. So we started to view it as something like a cancer and we're unaware that we have as cancer, and it's spreading through our body, and it's affecting our body and hid in mysterious ways, because we don't even know what's there. And so the same thing could be said about religious trauma because one person could say, well, I don't agree, from my perspective that I have religious trauma. I don't think religion hurt me, but the people hurt me. And so it's maybe not the belief system, but it's the people upholding the belief system that can hurt you. And we still fall in that category of religious trauma. Because the structure Institute or practices is genuinely what is hurting you. And when it hurts you in a way that you cannot operate in a wholesome manner, you cannot be yourself, naturally the way God made you, that you have to conform, pretend. And you now find yourself feeling depressed, forced, obligated, guilted, even to partake in uphold traditions, practices, and beliefs. You're in the category of experiencing and struggling with religious trauma. Interesting **Michael Hingson ** 31:14 concept that you make me think about. So you make a huge distinction between the beliefs, let's say, for example, in Christianity, but the actual beliefs, or teachings of the Church, as opposed to the people and what they're doing in the church. Am I gathering that correctly? **Aaron Waldron ** 31:39 Yes, yes. **Michael Hingson ** 31:42 And so it isn't the, for example, Christianity, beliefs, or the basic precepts of the religion, or the the Jewish religion, or Muslim religion, or Buddha, and so on. But it's how people deal with a deal with them, which is a whole different animal. **Aaron Waldron ** 32:03 Yes, it's how we wear it. It's how we're taught it. It's how we embody it and practice it exactly. Right. So like, in my training, during the masters of divinity, studying the four Gospels, studying the first and second testament, really starting to learn how to exer G texts and understand what God is saying in the text versus what man has said it said, or has interpreted way. And so that's where we have the whole, you know, corruption taking place. You know, the Gospels are inspired by God, no doubt, but how we used it, how we taught it, and how we continuously practice it, is what's been corrupted and poisoned. **Michael Hingson ** 32:49 You know, one of the things that I think about often is one of Jesus's statements, I am the Way the Truth and the light. And people say, well, because he says that, clearly, he's the only one to follow. But looking at my, from my perspective, when I think about that, I go back to Exodus where God said, I Am that I Am, thou shall say, I am has sent me to you. And that Jesus, the statement really IS GOD IS the WAY the TRUTH and the LIFE, then that I am isn't necessarily dealing with Jesus alone as the person. Because the other thing that Jesus says is, of course, he has God. And as we all are, **Aaron Waldron ** 33:36 yes, yeah, exactly. Right. That's what we were speaking about, like the way we interpret these texts. And a lot of times we use literal interpretations. And we read the text and only what it says literally, when a lot of what is in the Bible, those 66 books are selected, but they're very poetic. They're meant to mean larger things, not specifically one thing, you know, so like, when we have a lot of Christians that hyper focus on literal understandings of the Bible, that is where we get, you know, these kind of teachings that really trap people to believe in one way. But like you're saying, and like we said, in the past, there's nothing wrong with the Bible, per se, because there's a lot of truth, even in the gospels when Jesus when Yeshua is recorded, speaking, that that's not like, that applies to everything and everyone and we've also seen through multifaith studies that these things overlap like Buddha overlaps Jesus and so on. And so they're saying same things just in different ways or different perspectives, the audience that they are speaking Eating. **Michael Hingson ** 35:02 Yeah. Which makes a lot of sense. And I know that there going to be a lot of people who disagree with that. But nevertheless, it does make a lot of sense to consider the whole rather than just individual parts. Because the other part about the Bible is taking any one small thing out of context is a very dangerous thing. And way too many people do that. Yes, **Aaron Waldron ** 35:29 yeah. **Michael Hingson ** 35:30 So talking about you a little bit more. So you said you had a daughter that you wanted to care for when you went into the military? And so what happened with all of that? Do you still is that your daughter that you deal with still? Or because I think I read in your biography that you You married a different person? **Aaron Waldron ** 35:52 Yes, yeah. Right now, my, my relationship with my daughter is very distant. And we've in our own life had to come to terms with certain things, because of what stories or what perspectives have been told to her. You know, it's, it's like this micro to the macro. The fighting of the narratives, and fighting over truth and lies. But in the military was very hard for me will be around my daughter, work at me away. So a lot of my love, language came out of gifts, you know, sending her gifts, things of that nature, but we didn't get really the relationship that we kind of dreamed of, you know, it just hasn't been able to happen yet. And so she lives with her mom. And, you know, she, she's happy. And I, we don't want to take that away from her. But we do prepare in our mind and our spirit that one day if we do get to spend time with her at a closer capacity that we're prepared to, to be, you know, demonstrating love, and not all this regret or anger or something. So **Michael Hingson ** 37:14 yeah. Well, anger and hatred and so on doesn't really benefit anyone. I had the opportunity to read a book by Henry Drummond. Have you heard of him? **Aaron Waldron ** 37:31 I don't believe he's British **Michael Hingson ** 37:33 from the 1800s. And he wrote a book, it's a very short book, really simple and easy to read. And it's called Love is the greatest thing in the world. And it is all about love. And actually, the version that I got from Audible also has other addresses of his in it. But it's, I think, a very fascinating book and puts a lot about loving into perspective in a very simple way. And he, he talks about love in terms of the Bible. And he talks about faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is love, which is something that John talks about a great deal and think Paul does, but Drummond mainly refers to John, but I thought it was a really interesting and a good book. I discovered it a couple of months ago, and I've enjoyed reading it several times. So I hope that you do get an opportunity to spend time with her. But you've gotten married since then. Yes, **Aaron Waldron ** 38:34 yes, happily married. And honestly, this marriage, this relationship has allowed me to start loving myself, or understanding what that even looks like, my past relationship, it was hard for me to even understand what that even looks like loving myself because we were so caught up in pleasing others that we were trying to exterior, you know, a love outward, you know, kind of thing. And so with this relationship, we're loving inward, and it just keeps bouncing out even more. So we get to love more than we could possibly imagine just by loving more of ourselves. So yeah, this was definitely something that we did not expect. But again, it felt spirit led and so we follow that path. And we've been happily in love since. **Michael Hingson ** 39:36 How long have you been married? **Aaron Waldron ** 39:39 Coming on seven years now. **Michael Hingson ** 39:41 Oh my gosh, congratulations. Even though even though I was married for 40 years before my wife passed last November, You're newlyweds but still congratulations. Anyway. Seven years is a is a feat compared to a lot of things we read in the papers about marriages and divorces. So I'm glad it's working out well for you. **Aaron Waldron ** 40:01 Thank you. Thank you. **Michael Hingson ** 40:03 So as you analyze yourself and so on, what would you say motivates you? Yeah. **Aaron Waldron ** 40:08 People, honestly, people, people persevering through challenges motivates me deeply. When we found ourselves in some real depressed times, we would listen and watch like things like Arnold Schwarzenegger talking about pumping iron, or Les Brown talking about his motivational encouragement. So these motivational speakers and their perseverance, they survive challenges and became better for that's the kind of stuff that really motivates me, you're **Michael Hingson ** 40:44 going to, at some point, work on being more of a visible, motivational or public speaker or that kind of one of the paths you want to take, or which way do you want to go once you get your Doctor of Ministry? Well, **Aaron Waldron ** 40:57 honestly, after that, we definitely want to continue schooling, we want to pursue the psychology track, become a therapist one day, and possibly even become a young in and out hours. But we definitely want to help people to a large capacity, we have skills and gifts that we're starting to really recognize about ourselves, that we believe will make us a very crucial asset in the field of psychology, therapy, and even spirituality. So continuing to inspire people, motivate people, empower people, is definitely something of a cornerstone. And we will continuously do. **Michael Hingson ** 41:48 If I may, I think you and I talked about it before, but I'd like to ask if it's okay. Why is it that you decided to speak of yourself in the third person as opposed to an AI in me? Yeah, **Aaron Waldron ** 42:02 great question. Thank you. It was really out of a spiritual understanding something for us. When we were halfway through our masters of divinity, there was something taking place spiritually inside of us that kind of awakened us or opened our eyes to see that we are not an individual, by any means we're all interconnected. And so we're basically part of a bigger collective. And the we is a constant reminder that Aaron is not alone is not one person. But Aaron is part of many, a collection of, of other human beings, other living beings, other conscious beings, other spiritual beings. When we dove deeper into our meditation practices, we started to realize that we are not alone in the universe, we're not alone in anything, it's, we're so connected to everything and everything is so close to us, we can't even imagine it. It's not until we start really focusing on connecting with everything around us that we start to see that there couldn't be possibly an eye. So we took it upon ourselves to embody that by changing our code our pronoun to a third person, and still the constant struggle or practice and sometimes we slip up and say I, because most of our life, we've been conditioned to speak in first person and refer to ourselves and I, and be an individual. So this is only been a few years since we've been practicing this. So we're still kind of young and new to it. But it's a pursuit that we feel that it's a discipline of ours. And we continuously strive to remind others that Aaron is not an individual, but part of a collective. **Michael Hingson ** 44:09 Do you find or are you finding that other people have or are adopting that same concept? **Aaron Waldron ** 44:17 Yes, it is not that strange. And that actually made me feel a lot better about it. A few years ago, we started to see that a lot of people started thinking like this and started practicing this. It makes it a little bit more complicated with socializing with people, but it just takes practice like anything. **Michael Hingson ** 44:39 Well, yeah. My immediate reaction is, nevertheless we ought to all be accepting of what we choose to do. There's no reason that anyone should have a problem with the Wii, as opposed to the I. I mean, in England, we used to hear about the royal we all all the time, and we still do, whether it's a custom or whatever. So it's it isn't new. Sure. But it is it is something that we should learn to accept. And and if if that is what someone chooses to do, especially since there's clearly a good rationale for it, then no magic there is no, what is your biggest fear in the world, or anywhere? **Aaron Waldron ** 45:32 My biggest fear is that we cannot be ourself. Honestly. It used to be, we were afraid to be alone. And that actually transformed over the years, over the last, like five years, we used to have a very deep fear since we were a child of just being alone, because we were abandoned in our childhood and suffered with abandonment multiple times to our life, leading into our young adulthood. And so recently, our fear has transformed from that, too, that we're afraid to not be ourselves. Because we started seeing that the more we were being ourselves, the more we were being rejected by, you know, people in places and spaces, and ideas. And so this fear started, like really erupting inside of us of not being accepted or understood, because we were being ourselves. And so we have this fear of having to conform so that people can understand or accept us. **Michael Hingson ** 46:43 So what do you do about that? **Aaron Waldron ** 46:47 A lot of meditation. Even even before coming on here, it's not that we were afraid of you, or the concept of the podcast or being interviewed. It's just we have these deep, unresolved anxiety sometimes of the public speaking or engaging with people. And this probably even speaks to your comment about do we see ourselves becoming a more public figure and encouraging people and writing it's, it's hard, it's challenging, and we're in the process of trying to overcome that, to be a better person so that we can be a better, stronger public figure. But we're just not there yet. Because we have so many things we need to still work on inside of ourselves. So that we can respond in a healthier way, and not respond from our hurt and pain and ignorance. **Michael Hingson ** 47:45 Well, I hope, and I don't think I'm reading into it. But I hope that you found that as we're talking here. You're you're feeling more comfortable, more relaxed, you sound more relaxed. **Aaron Waldron ** 47:59 Yeah, of course, you make it a very relaxing. Yeah, of course. **Michael Hingson ** 48:05 Well, the only thing I know is in about 12 or 13 minutes, I'm going to have to go feed a dog or I will be devoured before your very eyes. Now we're, we're good. He's over here asleep. He's in talks about love. I've always believed that dogs love unconditionally, and we could learn a lot from them. Now, I've also said that dogs don't trust unconditionally, but they're open to trust. And I think it's something that we we all need to learn is that we should be more open to trust, and we should be more open to accepting people. Dogs don't have hidden agendas, like people tend to do, or like we suspect people tend to do, which is, which is a problem. And so we we locked down our innate desire to possibly trust someone we've been taught not to do that. And that's so unfortunate. It seems to me in society, we should really both be more willing to earn trust, and have our trust earned than we do. And I hope that with the millennials and Gen Z, we'll start to see more of that coming through. **Aaron Waldron ** 49:14 And we do too. And we have high hopes. Because a lot of people are beginning to really think for themselves and question. So, you know, there's there's hope for humanity. **Michael Hingson ** 49:28 And there's nothing wrong with questioning. There's nothing wrong with asking. Right? And exploring. Yeah, **Aaron Waldron ** 49:35 yeah. Yeah. Because even when we would talk among our divinity peers, MDiv peers, we would speak about, you know, this very same concept, you know, and there really shouldn't be a hierarchy to it. We're all in the pursuit of understanding God, describing God I'd like, there should be no competition, we should all be learning from one another. And all my peers have all been critical thinkers, you know, even a lot of them still are Christian. And we get along just fine, because we understand that Aaron doesn't have to say it the way that someone said it. You know, we're both talking about love. We're describing love, God being that ultimate love, power, or energy. **Michael Hingson ** 50:32 And even more than describing it as living it. And that's, I think what it ultimately has to come down to that we, we make the decisions, and then whether we say it in different ways. Love is a is a concept that I think we all can truly understand. And then live by, no matter how we describe it, it's still the same thing to do it. **Aaron Waldron ** 50:57 Yeah, we all need it to, we do all need it. Yeah, regardless of your wealth, or what you think is wealth, we all require love, we all require air, you know, we all require these human things. So that's why with us, you know, we see beyond certain labels and social constructs, like racism and race and, and see like, you know, we're all humans, why are we killing each other over these, these things that we're describing, that you say make us different, but we're not really different. So even our choosing of a third person pronoun could also be interpreted as an advocacy for a united space, like we're all connected, you know, for me to hate you is to hate myself, to hurt us to hurt me. You know, and we've been doing this forever. Now. Aaron Waldron is not the first to even talk about this. You know, this has been going on for a long time. It's just we need more people to listen. Check **Michael Hingson ** 52:00 out Henry Drummonds book, you'll see a lot of those same comments made in this, this book by this well known philosopher and theologian, think you would like it. **Aaron Waldron ** 52:14 Awesome. Thank you. Well, now, **Michael Hingson ** 52:17 yeah, love the greatest thing in the world. So here's a off the wall sort of question. Do you think that someone or at some point, people will decide that your beliefs and so on are just another religion? Does that make sense? I'm not sure. But it's an **Aaron Waldron ** 52:39 it is a very interesting question, a very dangerous question two, something that we had to ask ourselves along this process. Interesting enough, when developing a community when developing a rubric to teach people, the first thing we have to ask ourselves is what we're proposing. Is this a cult? Is this a religion? You know, if that is the case, why are you trying to reinvent the wheel, right. And so we had to remain constantly in this space of whatever we do is not an attempt to reinvent the wheel. But it's just to look at the wheel and the usage of that wheel and a different way. And so we're not creating a new religion, we're not creating a cult, what we're doing is we're trying to help people see that it's okay to be different. It's okay to be you, whatever that looks like, regardless of your looks, disability setbacks, you know, what you've done, that could translate to sins, things of that nature, what you don't have or lack that could translate to poverty, you know, that doesn't determine your connection with God. And so my biggest push is to remind people, there should not be a middleman between you and God. Because no one knows more than you. When it comes to God. No one has a capitalism, on the knowledge of God. Because we're all just interpreting an idea of God. God is not the physical thing that we can go visit. God is everywhere. It's nowhere, right? And so we can just bottle God up and say, Well, I've got God, and it's for sale, or I've got God, if you want to cure something, you know, we're so we're here to advocate that. That's not necessary. God is not that far away. God is actually inside of all of us. We come from God. We're always connected to God. You know, so it's a remembrance, religion. **Michael Hingson ** 54:54 And the last thing and it's an interesting way to put it. And the last thing you want to be is using your own term. My analogy is that middleman because that would violate every precept you've talked about here. **Aaron Waldron ** 55:06 Exactly, exactly. **Michael Hingson ** 55:09 What strengthens your faith beyond religion, you know, so many people say, Well, I, my, my faith comes from being a Christian and all that. And so for you what strengthens your faith, since you, you deal with it outside the typical constructs of religion. Yeah. **Aaron Waldron ** 55:24 My solitude strengthens my faith. For me, we hear God so to speak more in ourselves when we feel God closer in our solitude, you know. But when stepping outside the four walls of religion in the wilderness, so to speak, my solitude is where God feels and sounds and is the closest. And that gives us faith. **Michael Hingson ** 55:57 And I would, the only thing I would add to that is, is your love, also, which has to be an integral part of it. **Aaron Waldron ** 56:03 Of course, in our solitude, we learn to love ourselves. And in that process, we learn to love others through their heart, heart aches and struggles, because we have a lot of we're surrounded by a lot of people that are carrying things unconsciously, or they're carrying things consciously, and are battling with it. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't be connected to them or be their friend or help them. We just have to be aware of these things. So we can better love them, you know, and not enable their toxicities. Because we want to say, Oh, well, me giving you money is how I demonstrate my love. Okay, well, maybe money is not what I needed. You know, that type of thing. So, for me, in solitude, we get to not only know more of ourselves, and be able to love more of ourselves, empathize with more of ourselves, especially our shadow, you know, like that really hurt part of ourselves. That's like really angry all the time and just doesn't know everything is misinformed and doesn't have it, have all the facts or all the perspectives to see that it wasn't about you, per se, you were just part of a larger event type of thing. So by doing this stuff, we're able to love strangers, complete strangers, you know, interact with our neighbors, so to speak, and be good neighbors without a secret agenda. **Michael Hingson ** 57:31 Yeah, that's really the operative part without a secret agenda. There's no need to have it. No, there isn't. So you have chosen a different path other than the traditional, typical organized religion? Do you still have friends? Who are religious leaders and very active in their own religions? **Aaron Waldron ** 57:51 Yes, many have deep, deep conversations all the time. Yeah. But um, yes, we still have friends that are inside religion. In the church. They're prominent figures, leaders. And, you know, we still agree to certain capacities about things. But more more importantly, we're friends, human friends, you know. **Michael Hingson ** 58:18 And that proves the validity of a lot of what you're talking about, because you can do that, and you don't need to battle over who's right and who's wrong. Right, exactly. So after leaving religion, do you view your life? Or would you describe it as being something like exodus in the Bible? Yes, exactly. That for a question. **Aaron Waldron ** 58:45 Yeah, that's, that's a great way to put it. And and in that analogy way, or do poet poetic way, would be like, our life has been like Exodus. And we still find ourselves in accidents. And we're looking for that land of milk and honey, so to speak. But it the idea of the land and milk and honey is not a destination, so to speak. It's a pursuit, right? We're looking for something better, constantly. And we're just navigating the wilderness. And when we do that, we have to pick up certain skills and embody certain things and live our life a certain kind of way for us to be in a balanced state with the wilderness nature. You know, because nature is not predictable. **Michael Hingson ** 59:35 And I think, sorry, go ahead. Go ahead. No, **Aaron Waldron ** 59:39 I was just saying we have to be adaptable and fluid and reflective of that natural sting of just something may happen and it may not always go as planned. You know, and we have to be able to just adjust and adapt and grow and develop. And **Michael Hingson ** 59:57 I think we'll find eventually that that land of welcome Honey is really something that's more inside of us. And it's more of a concept and a state of mind. Or if you will, in terms of what we do with this podcast, a mindset than anything else. We **Aaron Waldron ** 1:00:13 agree. Absolutely. **Michael Hingson ** 1:00:16 Well, I want to thank you for being here. And for doing this, I have had a very enjoyable and joyous time I, I hope you have to It's been fun. And I hope that you listening, have enjoyed it and found it stimulating. lots to think about. Needless to say, if people want to reach out to you and maybe learn more about you and and talk with you, how would they do that? Well, we have **Aaron Waldron ** 1:00:44 a website, www dot A shaman in journey.com. We have a YouTube channel, a shaman in Journey, and we're on Instagram and Facebook, under the same name. So we really have been creating little projects, podcasts, as well as public space has been recorded, and it's shared online. So you can go back and see what we be talking about in our space. Well, **Michael Hingson ** 1:01:10 you, you certainly have a good trail with a shaman in journey everywhere you want to look. So that works for me. Easy, easy to find you. **Aaron Waldron ** 1:01:20 That was the goal. **Michael Hingson ** 1:01:22 Well, there you go. You got it. Well, thanks very much, Erin. And I want to thank you again for listening to us out there. This has been, as I said, stimulating and fun. I hope you've enjoyed it, love to hear your thoughts, and I know Aaron would as well. Please feel free to reach out. You can reach me as I've said many times on our podcast at Michael M i c h a e l h i at accessiBe A C C E S S I B E.com. Or go to www dot Michael hingson h i n g s o n.com/podcast. And wherever you're listening, please give us a five star rating. We appreciate that. And we value it greatly. And also, please feel free to reach out to us and we love any and all of your thoughts and your comments. We appreciate them and we'll respond anytime anyone reaches out to me. I will always respond back. And I'm sure Aaron will as well. So I would just say once again, Aaron, this has been absolutely wonderful and I really thank you for being here with us. **Aaron Waldron ** 1:02:25 Thank you. Thank you for that journey and great conversation. **Michael Hingson ** 1:02:33 You have been listening to the Unstoppable Mindset podcast. Thanks for dropping by. I hope that you'll join us again next week, and in future weeks for upcoming episodes. To subscribe to our podcast and to learn about upcoming episodes, please visit www dot Michael hingson.com slash podcast. Michael Hingson is spelled m i c h a e l h i n g s o n. While you're on the site., please use the form there to recommend people who we ought to interview in upcoming editions of the show. And also, we ask you and urge you to invite your friends to join us in the future. If you know of any one or any organization needing a speaker for an event, please email me at speaker at Michael hingson.com. I appreciate it very much. To learn more about the concept of blinded by fear, please visit www dot Michael hingson.com forward slash blinded by fear and while you're there, feel free to pick up a copy of my free eBook entitled blinded by fear. The unstoppable mindset podcast is provided by access cast an initiative of accessiBe and is sponsored by accessiBe. Please visit www.accessibe.com . AccessiBe is spelled a c c e s s i b e. There you can learn all about how you can make your website inclusive for all persons with disabilities and how you can help make the internet fully inclusive by 2025. Thanks again for Listening. Please come back and visit us again next week.

america god love jesus christ new york amazon community children new york city church art ai master spirit bible mother dogs england living gospel new york times doctors design phd truth christians christianity ministry army jewish eating institute hospitals ptsd high school millennials exodus va gen z rev blind ga muslims iraq ambassadors thunder honestly stitcher ebooks audible i am barriers attacks unstoppable arnold schwarzenegger buddha needless doctorate divinity ended reject shaman rutgers university pisces wii div drummond les brown american red cross yeshua statistically mdiv my mother waldron national federation life partners michael m theophany exxon mobile chief vision officer federal express scripps college michael hingson new york theological seminary nyts accessibe aaron website american humane association henry drummond thunder dog hero dog awards

Episode 201 – Unstoppable Joyful Leadership and Development Expert with Katya Davydova

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 30, 2024 61:41

Make no mistake Katya Davydova has her own times of not being joyful and dealing with challenges. However, as you will hear on this episode, Katya works to create and spread joy. How? Well, it starts with a smile. I am going to leave it to her to tell you more. Katya was born in Uzbekistan and emigrated to America at the age of five. She says she always has been a curious person and became quite fascinated with how people interacted with each other. After obtaining a MS degree with highest honors in organizational development and knowledge management from George Mason University she began to work in earnest to help improve company organizational structures. She relocated to the Los Angeles area just before the advent of Covid. She not only has her “day job” concerning organizational development, but she also is a coach who is ready to consult with high achieving clients to teach them how to have better strategic thinking and how to create better micro-habits. Katya offers many positive and thought provoking life lessons we all can find useful. Along the way in our episode she also turns the tables and asks me questions related to our discussions. This episode is quite fun. I hope you enjoy it. About the Guest: Katya Davydova's mission is to create a more joyful world. She is an organizational and leadership development expert, igniting workplaces like Google, Netflix, and Dropbox, where humans can flourish. As an expert facilitator, she teaches managers, executives, and individual contributors essential skills like strategic thinking, communication, and feedback. Katya is also a coach for high achievers, empowering them to bridge the gap between best practices and actual follow-through by sustainable, micro-habits. Her first book, Joy in Plain Sight, explores celebrating wonder in the ordinary against the backdrop of our always-on, always-busy world. A believer in big ideas that can make ours a kinder world, Katya has the honor (and sheer fun!) of speaking to audiences about organizational development, human flourishing, and habit-building (especially on joy!). She's presented at engagements like The Massachusetts Conference for Women, Chief Learning Officer Exchange, ODinLA, and is a TEDx speaker. Finally, she loves learning. Katya received her BA in cognitive science and psychology from the University of Virginia (Echols Scholar, Phi Beta Kappa), and her MS with highest honors in organizational development and knowledge management from George Mason University. Her prior expertise is in people operations, learning and development, higher education, and consulting. When she's not working, you can find her exploring both city streets and especially wild trails, adding to her collection of plants, and learning about people in their everyday moments. Ways to connect with Katya: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katyadavydova/ Contact: katya@katyadavydova.com Website: https://katyadavydova.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joyinplainsight/ Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09ZDPJ23L/ Newsletter sign-up: https://katyadavydova.us20.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=8a2e9cd879ce206da20e2fd22&id=401d3a17f7 Other Links/work: About the Host: Michael Hingson is a New York Times best-selling author, international lecturer, and Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe. Michael, blind since birth, survived the 9/11 attacks with the help of his guide dog Roselle. This story is the subject of his best-selling book, Thunder Dog. Michael gives over 100 presentations around the world each year speaking to influential groups such as Exxon Mobile, AT&T, Federal Express, Scripps College, Rutgers University, Children's Hospital, and the American Red Cross just to name a few. He is Ambassador for the National Braille Literacy Campaign for the National Federation of the Blind and also serves as Ambassador for the American Humane Association's 2012 Hero Dog Awards. https://michaelhingson.com https://www.facebook.com/michael.hingson.author.speaker/ https://twitter.com/mhingson https://www.youtube.com/user/mhingson https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhingson/ accessiBe Links https://accessibe.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/accessiBe https://www.linkedin.com/company/accessibe/mycompany/ https://www.facebook.com/accessibe/ Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts. Transcription Notes **Michael Hingson ** 00:00 Access Cast and accessiBe Initiative presents Unstoppable Mindset. The podcast where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Hi, I'm Michael Hingson, Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe and the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, Thunder dog, the story of a blind man, his guide dog and the triumph of trust. Thanks for joining me on my podcast as we explore our own blinding fears of inclusion unacceptance and our resistance to change. We will discover the idea that no matter the situation, or the people we encounter, our own fears, and prejudices often are our strongest barriers to moving forward. The unstoppable mindset podcast is sponsored by accessiBe, that's a c c e s s i capital B e. Visit www.accessibe.com to learn how you can make your website accessible for persons with disabilities. And to help make the internet fully inclusive by the year 2025. Glad you dropped by we're happy to meet you and to have you here with us. **Michael Hingson ** 01:21 Well, hi, and guess what? Yes, you're right. It is time for another episode of unstoppable mindset. We're inclusion diversity in the unexpected wheat, whatever that may be in whatever we may encounter. Today we get to chat with Katya Davydova. And I love something that Katya Katya has on her bio, which is that she wants to create a more joyful world. And it doesn't get better than that I like joyful worlds. And all that goes with it. I think we spend too much time grousing and complaining about all the things we don't have control over anyway. So for me, it's always don't worry about what you can't control focus on the things you can and the rest will take care of themselves, which I think is always true. However, we'll see what Katya has to say about that. Anyway, welcome to unstoppable mindset. **Katya Davydova ** 02:08 Thank you so much, Michael. It is truly a joy, a delight and a pleasure. All three of the trifecta to be here. Thanks so much for having me. **Michael Hingson ** 02:14 Well, I really appreciate you agreeing to do this. And coming on. Why don't we start with talking about kind of the early Catia growing up and all that stuff? **Katya Davydova ** 02:23 Sure. Sure. Shall we begin from 13 point 8 billion years ago, the Big Bang? **Michael Hingson ** 02:28 We can do that? A very long time. How sure are you it was only 13 point 8 billion years. And **Katya Davydova ** 02:35 now you're asking the real questions. And are there multiple universes? The Quantum? Right, let's go there could be definitely good. I think just to keep it like you said what's within our control? Control? Happy to start at the beginning. **Michael Hingson ** 02:50 time ago. **Katya Davydova ** 02:54 Exactly. So the words right out of my mouth, Michael. That's exactly right. But I'll give the overall executive summary. And it's so funny to hear myself say the word executives, I work with executives that just did yesterday and bled over but anyway, was born in Uzbekistan, which was at the time some people have called it a third world country, I think the term now is developing or developed, developing rather country. And it was a time of darkness. And then I came to the States. Happy to happy to carry the conversation, Michael, where you would like for it to go? How do you **Michael Hingson ** 03:30 go ahead. So tell us about you know, maybe what you remember a little bit about growing up in this Mecca, Stan? And then coming here and what it was like and all that. Sure. Sure. Yeah. So I framework is it were **Katya Davydova ** 03:41 a framework, I you know, I love a good framework, honestly, what we'll talk about frameworks and principles in a little bit. But as a kid, I was used to, I guess, I was gonna say I was used to like not having too much, because, you know, we grew up in a little bit of, I don't call poverty necessarily, but not not having as much abundance as a, quote unquote, traditional American childhood might offer. But we my family, and I were lucky enough to emigrate to the States when I was a kid. And came here not knowing a lick of English except for please, and thank you. And where's the bathroom? **Michael Hingson ** 04:18 There are three essential, that's important one, too. Yeah, of **Katya Davydova ** 04:21 course, of course, he got to know where the important places are. And there's a little bit of gratitude and asking for help. And so as a kid here in the States, I landed, McKinley landed in Virginia and just kind of started living. I remember, if you're talking about pivotal moments, I remember walking into a grocery store, and being absolutely astounded by the selection and the array of things available for purchase. Right. And as Becca Stan, we had to stand in line for food, because that was the reality. And in America, you could buy like 16 Different kinds of apple at your whim. It was incredible. **Michael Hingson ** 04:56 I was amazed when we moved to New Jersey and lived there for six years. yours went into the store the number of different kinds of loaves of bread, the different kinds of bread. Much different than here in California. **Katya Davydova ** 05:09 Yes, yes. Would you say that? It's more in New Jersey in California? Oh, lots more. Yeah. Really? Why do you think that is? **Michael Hingson ** 05:16 I don't know. I never could figure it out. But there was a lot more different kinds of bread. And they were all very tasty but different, a lot more different kinds of bread, I think. And maybe it's the Italian influence. Who knows? Maybe **Katya Davydova ** 05:27 Maybe New Jersey puts the new and new loaves of bread in New Jersey. Good be? Yes. So similar to that, right? Just the whole bushy tailed, bright eyed person looking at a grocery store store aisle. But as a kid, I just I love to play, you know, as any child would like to play, got good grades went on to do well in school, and was really driven by noticing how people interact and helping to facilitate those kinds of interactions, relationships. In fact, I've been a peer mediator since fifth grade. I think that really paved the way for being in the service of other people, right, wanting to help others thrive. **Michael Hingson ** 06:09 So why do you think that you develop that interest? **Katya Davydova ** 06:14 Yeah, it's a good question. I grew up as an older kid. And I think I was an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert. But I was definitely very social with a healthy dose of shyness, right? Because I was like, Oh, I don't want to make too much of a ruckus. And I remember as a kid, I would always interact really well with adults, like at a dinner party. If my parents were having friends over. At school, I would I remember in third grade, I was asked to facilitate a group of adults who were visiting from some Russian speaker Slavic speaking country, I was asked to like, facilitate their visit. I was like, okay, like I can get along with adults. This is easy. Sometimes getting along with fellow kids was sometimes a challenge don't always, you know, I got bullied just like any, any other kid or most kids, but was able to really dive into exploring conversations. And I think the why is that and not to sound self aggrandizing. But I I am a deeply curious person, and I love understanding how the world works. Which Michael, I know that it is something that you and I share. **Michael Hingson ** 07:20 We do. And it's It's always fascinating to learn more about how the world works and when to make new discoveries and just get more insights to isn't definitely **Katya Davydova ** 07:31 definitely for sure. That's overall synopsis of little little young Katya. **Michael Hingson ** 07:37 So you went through school, went through high school, cope with all that survived was all that in Virginia. **Katya Davydova ** 07:42 That was all in Virginia. Yes. Right outside of DC. **Michael Hingson ** 07:46 What did you do for college? **Katya Davydova ** 07:48 I went to UVA, go, who is love my bajos? Yeah, and I studied cognitive science, psychology and Russian there. So I had a double major and a minor. And did a thesis, you know, is on a lot of like, a lot of clubs, a lot of committees, a lot of leadership organization. And just really, I really think I maximize my college experience. Now people always ask the coffee, what do you regret most about your college experience? Or what do you what do you wish you'd done more of? And honestly, I wish I partied more like, I probably did enough as it was, especially my first year of college. But I took school very seriously. And, you know, to dwell on it. But I wish I had spent a little bit more time partying. I don't know, I don't know if people say that. Typically. I **Michael Hingson ** 08:33 don't know that they do. But I I appreciate it and understand what the reality is that that college and the whole social life is part of what we should do. Do you think that you know, I've had some people be guests on unstoppable mindset who said that? They didn't think that college really prepared them for life that it was way too theoretical? What do you think? Interesting concept? I mean, **Katya Davydova ** 09:00 it is, Michael, before we dive into that, do you have any theories? Or did they share any theories on why it was too theoretical? **Michael Hingson ** 09:09 They just felt that faculty and so on, we're not really from the working environment that they they came from a college environment, they didn't really have a lot of exposure to the rest of the world. Yeah, and I can see that in some kinds of colleges, maybe some of the more advanced theoretical universities, but community colleges, maybe to a little bit lesser degree, the state colleges probably had more people who did spend some time out in the world and maybe they would be different. That's kind of my perception. **Katya Davydova ** 09:43 Yeah, that's that's a great hypothesis. I can see how, you know, potentially on both sides of the spectrum, there's that sentiment. I think that UVA actually prepared me really well for school. I will say that the location of it right in Charlottesville, Virginia was very warm. Not very, it was insular to a degree, it felt like a bubble because it was beautiful, blissful place where, of course, you know, bad things, of course happened. But I felt very in community when I was both undergrad there. And also when I came back to Charlottesville as an adult, and I mean, my high school prepared me really well for college though, like I was used to the, to the, to the hard work aspect. But I also did a lot of things besides classes, like I had a bunch of internships, I volunteered, had this amazing volunteer experience with it was for specifically for men with comorbid, schizophrenia and substance use disorders. And it was Psychosocial Rehabilitation. So imagine this, like 21 year old girl who's just like, rash and really brimming with excitement, coming into the space where there was, there was a lot of pain, and there was a lot of struggles with, with substances with alcohol. And I was like, wow, we can really, we can really see these humans for the human aspect of it. Right, not, not the some of their past stories, necessarily. And it was just such a delightful and expansive time. I remember that as a very crucial part of my last year of college, **Michael Hingson ** 11:15 you kind of wonder, why is it that some people go that way? Why do they over indulge in alcohol, much less drugs and so on? It's, it's a fascinating question, that I've, I've never experienced any of that. I've never been drunk, I have no desire to be drunk. Although I'd love to say that. I feel sorry for people who don't drink because when they get up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel for the rest of the day. But I don't listen to too much Dean Martin, what can I say? But, but seriously, I, I've never understood it. But I, I do appreciate that a lot of it has to do with covering up and just trying to hide from, from the world. Yeah. **Katya Davydova ** 11:58 Could be I mean, there's, there's, there's so many factors, right? There's the family history, there's genetics, there's nature versus nurture. My, my goal is to not not blame because I don't know, circumstances. And **Michael Hingson ** 12:15 more understand than blame, I think blaming doesn't help anyone. Exactly, **Katya Davydova ** 12:19 exactly. But I think that just opened my eyes to the different ways that people show up and the different kinds of lives that that people have. And it also made me I don't wanna say realize, because I've noticed before, but it also affirms how incredibly privileged I was, and am right to this day that I'm healthy, I'm generally happy. I've got a loving support network, a loving system. And I am lucky to have had the opportunities that I've had both in education in grad school and work and relationships and the things I do outside of work, like, there's so much to them, which to be grateful for really, **Michael Hingson ** 13:00 you know, I think a lot about being blind and not being blind. But one of the blessings that I feel I have is having never really dealt with different color skins. It's strange to me that people can be so antagonistic toward people who have different skin colors, simply because of the color of their skin for me, I don't care. I've never seen different skin colors. And I and you know, I don't know what it would have been like if I had been able to see. But I would like to think that I'm a little bit smarter than that, and really don't think that it really should matter. **Katya Davydova ** 13:38 Yeah, yeah. Michael, how do you think that's played out in your relationships? Because you're literally like, you cannot see color? Right? So like, how has that shown up for you? And what has been the benefit to you and your relationships? **Michael Hingson ** 13:50 Well, so first of all, intellectually, I understand colors being I have a, I have a master's degree in physics, so we could talk about wavelengths and all that all day long. And so I understand it. And I appreciate that there are different skin colors, intellectually, but it's the emotional part. So for me, it has never been an issue. And I've been able to walk around New York and places where people say, but you don't want to go there. Because different racism. And all that night and kind of my position is well, you know, I don't want to go where somebody's gonna hate me. But at the same time, I think that a lot of the way that we behave, determines how people behave toward us. And so I've just never really been bothered. **Katya Davydova ** 14:35 Yeah, I'm really struck by what you said, the way that we behave oftentimes reflects on how other people behave towards us. Can I tell you a quick story about that? very recent. Last night I got back from a very, very long day, I was facilitating an off site workshop on feedback scales for an executive team, and just had a whole whole bunch of things. I was out for like almost 12 hours, and then I had to come Hold it like actually start start the work right. So I booked my day job work and my other work. And I remember just sitting there as like I have so depleted I wanted a nap I wanted to eat. But okay, I won't take a nap. I'll eat of course. But let me just give give myself the gift of a walk before I dive into work. Because now it took, you know, several decades to know that you should always push your body and your brain to 100% of the time. Yeah, every single day. At the lesson that I still struggle with, we can definitely come back to that. But as I was taking this walk, I remember just being so radiantly happy, just ongoing and marveling at the world by it was golden. Our folks were out and about on their evening walks, I went to the dog park, there was so many puppies there. And it well, several came over and sat down next to me. And as just kind of walking through the streets like galavanting, right? with a huge grin plastered on my face is just genuinely happy to be here be alive in this world. And so many people, mild back waved from their cars, like honk just just like exchanging these little micro moments of connection, I got to talk to somebody from their car, we're like, looking at those little robot delivery robots are the food delivery robots, and just creating these pockets for micro interaction among strangers, right, that makes you feel or that made me feel a lot more rooted. Yeah, genuinely rooted. **Michael Hingson ** 16:27 In the very fact that you can do that and going around with a smile, this is always a much better way to to be anyway, and it does affect your outlook. And people will react to that. And they'll react typically in a positive way, which is so great. Yeah, **Katya Davydova ** 16:44 yeah, I think there's just true, I'm leaning more into this now more and more, especially the last couple of months and potentially years is, how do I reflect outward, the best of my experience of the world and the best of myself, so that other people can be, I'm not going to try to make anyone feel any sort of way, but maybe to inspire maybe to put a smile on somebody else's face. That's something that I have loved leaning a little bit more into. One of **Michael Hingson ** 17:14 the lessons that I've learned from working with a number of Guide Dogs is that they really take on or are affected by the, their handlers, they're humans. And if you tend to act very nervous and very stressed all the time, or if you suddenly are walking with them, and when you get lost, or you think you're lost, and you're stressed, they're going to react to that, because guiding is a very stressful job. And people who truly learn to understand the whole aspect of dealing with the dog. Know that, that for the most part, and there are exceptions when a dog is abused or whatever. But so for the most part, they want to please they know they want you to tell them the rules, and they want to be able to, to obey the rules and do the right thing. And if you act positive, if you don't act panicky and you don't act stressed, then they're going to be happier, and they're going to do better. And I have no better example of that than escaping from the World Trade Center. I could have been very stressed going down the stairs and been very nervous toward Roselle. But I knew that what I needed to do was just continue to tell them what a great job good job keeping what a good dog and, and that, in turn, as I did that, and she detected from me that I was okay. She was okay. So that if something were to suddenly happened in something affected her immediately, I wouldn't know okay, something's not right here. But it's not the dog. There's something else going on. But otherwise, interacting is such an important thing. And, and I think that's just as true with the people or person to person interaction. You react positively. And so once you actually Asli for the most part, unless somebody is just really not connected, then they're going to react possible. You can be too. Yeah, **Katya Davydova ** 19:04 yeah. Michael, I love that you share the story of you and Roselle. And I also know that your current guide dog is Alamo. Right, right. **Michael Hingson ** 19:11 Who is over here asleep on the floor? Oh, four. **Katya Davydova ** 19:14 Oh, my gosh. I'm very curious. Do you feel that? I mean, I think the answer is yes. I was gonna ask the question like, do all of your or have all your different guide dogs have had different personalities? Oh, yeah. And if so, like, how? How do you either build off of that? What did the interactions feel like to you to all your dogs? Can you tell us a little bit more about that I'm still **Michael Hingson ** 19:37 building a team, right? And working with a guide dog is creating a team. So in every case, it is still they want a team leader and I know that that has to be me. And what I need to learn are the gifts and the strengths of each dog hands and they figure out what works with me as well and the strengths that I have. But if if I am in consistent when I don't always behave in a good way toward them, then they're going to be frightened or they're going to develop a fear on that side a bit thing. Yeah. So So for you, you you prove that last night with your walk? **Katya Davydova ** 20:13 Yes, yes. proved it over and over again, right? Because the more goodness we put out into the world, the more I think we feel richer on it. Yeah. **Michael Hingson ** 20:21 So you you went to college down? Did you get an advanced degree or just naturally sort of, I **Katya Davydova ** 20:27 know, I went to grad school, I have a master's in organizational development and knowledge management, because to trace the story there, after undergrad. So for the first 22 years of my life, I was convinced I was going to do a PhD in Clinical Psychology and go be a clinical psychologist to help other people with their challenges. And then I did a thesis my last year of college, and I decided that shout out to all my PhD errs, I have a couple of friends who have either just finished or in the middle of PhD programs, I decided that I did not want to spend seven years six, seven years in a windowless basement like I had my last year of college collecting data that is ultimately such a deep dive, but not a broad dive, I saw that that the impact that one piece of research, aka my piece of research, the impact wasn't going to be as broad or expansive as I would have liked it for it to be. So I decided to xA going to get a PhD in clinical psych, and said sold my soul to consulting, which a lot of people did. I promised myself I wouldn't, but I did. But in that organization, and in that job, I learned what it means like to feel a cog in a machine and to feel as just a mechanistic part of an organization versus a valued human. Like, of course, I had amazing co workers and I had well, I had amazing co workers. Gonna say things about bosses, co workers. Yeah. **Michael Hingson ** 22:01 And some bosses can be good if they really understand what it means to be a boss. But that's a different story. **Katya Davydova ** 22:05 Yes, I think it is that and I also think it's the systemic structure of the organization. So the way that that organization was structured was not systemically designed to amplify the individual gifts of people. It was meant to squeeze out all of the labor that they could. But I don't think like I'm not not trying to badmouth them. I think that's the the design of a lot of organizations today. Right? Like truly, and I study organization, so I see it in real time. So what's **Michael Hingson ** 22:31 the other side of that? Is that that when that's all they do, they tend not to value nearly as much the human aspect of the companies go toward being a less human oriented and less person oriented organization. **Katya Davydova ** 22:47 Yes, yes, exactly. And that's not to say that, like, that experience didn't give me so many valuable experiences, like I got to be one of the only folks who got to travel internationally, right, I got to do really impactful projects, I gave you a lot of skills that I still use to this day. But what it also opened my mind to was the fact that if we work for the majority of our lives, we should be doing work that feels joyful, meaningful, purposeful, and ultimately, uplifting. Not a nowadays, of course, but for majority of the time, because that's our livelihood. And so I decided to switch jobs to get referred into a job in higher education. So I mosey back down from DC to Charlottesville, Virginia, but at the same time had applied for grad school in organizational development and knowledge management. So it's commuting back and forth on the weekends for in person classes while working full time and living full time in the middle of Virginia. So those two years were just two and a half years were an insane flurry of activity of full time work full time grad squads do Toastmasters, which is a public speaking organization with working out with managing like, or navigating a long distance relationship across the country. It was a lot. It was it was a lot and what a bountiful season that was. **Michael Hingson ** 23:59 Yeah, long distance relationships can be a big challenge. Definitely, **Katya Davydova ** 24:03 definitely. Yeah, we had started out as, like medium distance and then get moved across the country and was like, Okay, well, that was just okay. Yeah, good lesson. He's one of my best friends to this day. I love him with all my heart. He's an amazing human. **Michael Hingson ** 24:20 He's he's still across the country. No, no, we **Katya Davydova ** 24:23 live in the world. We used to live in the same city. Now he's in a different city, but we see each other occasionally. **Michael Hingson ** 24:29 Yeah. Did you ever develop a family or is it still just you? **Katya Davydova ** 24:34 It's still just me. I am very blessed by the people that I have in my life, the relationships that I have friendships, but I feel very I **Michael Hingson ** 24:41 kind of figured out because you talked about taking the walk yesterday and that was my impression, but still, having relationships and having good positive relationships and long term ones are still very important things to happen. And **Katya Davydova ** 24:55 I agree. I agree. So you **Michael Hingson ** 24:57 got your you got your masters do write them. What did you do? **Katya Davydova ** 25:02 Then I realized that, you know, I've got my master's, the work that I was doing in higher education, which was helping high school students and their families build up a good profile, a good set of activities, a good sort of pathway towards competitive college admissions. That was all fine at all, but I needed more impact. And I quit that job after finishing grad school. And I decided to kind of say, eff it. We're moving across the country because I had visited Los Angeles a couple of times when I was in grad school and working full time, and I just absolutely fell in love with the city. It was something that was so vibrant, so sunny, the people were nice, the mountains were so close by. And I remember I was on a run in Los Angeles in December 2018. And I remember looking at over the think was the five is one of the freeways I remember looking at it over the five is like, I am so darn happy. Like, this is just this moment of elation that this is where I needed to be. And then six months later, I drove across the country to land in LA and have not looked back for a number of years now. It's been a magical journey since I **Michael Hingson ** 26:15 wake up to the Hollywood sign every day. Yeah, **Katya Davydova ** 26:17 that's my window. No, truly, I really do. I wake up and like, there it is. Hello, Hollywood. Yeah. And I just the reason I'm sharing the story about moving across the country is because there was an ethos in me that was present and that had been building, which perhaps some listeners can resonate with. The ethos was this, she dreamed it. So she did it. Right. It's kind of like, if I was 111 years old, on my deathbed looking back at my life, what are the things that I wish I would have done? What are the things that I wish I would have said? And, you know, I read a lot about like books on studies on Regrets of the Dying or things that people wish they would have done. And, you know, I wish I worked less. I wish I spend more time with loved ones. I wish I took more risks. So I decided to really lean into that and just said kind of, let's do it. Let's just start a new adventure. **Michael Hingson ** 27:11 isn't nice and toasty down there today. **Katya Davydova ** 27:13 You know, today is the perfect day of its thinking that low 80s It's going to be a scorcher this weekend. Somewhere in the 80s. Yeah, I've got Yeah, friends in Sacramento. They're like, yeah, it's 108 Sounds like **Michael Hingson ** 27:24 oh, yeah, yeah, they Well, but they're hot air comes from the cabin. So it was a different story. But yeah, but I it's like 93 here in Victorville. Yeah, supposed to get hot too. So we'll see. Wow, **Katya Davydova ** 27:38 thank goodness for AC right. **Michael Hingson ** 27:41 You better believe it? Oh, my goodness, **Katya Davydova ** 27:43 my I live in a historic building. And it doesn't have AC in the living room, the dining room, which is where I work from. So lots of fans. So we're just we're circulating air here. But well, and fans help a lot. Yes, they do. I am their number one fan, a fan. I get it. Know You're a huge putter and a joker. So **Michael Hingson ** 28:05 I get it. So you move down here? And what did you start to do that when you started your own business, **Katya Davydova ** 28:10 right the systems, the processes to help people thrive at work, because that's, you know, my degree was very much into that. And I loved it, Michael, like it was such an incredible time to be able to build so I built out an onboarding program, a Learning Development Program, performance development, really helping folks thrive. And months and months later, the pandemic had just arrived in LA was just kind of getting settled, making, you know, friendships and relationships. And then we experienced this huge, like, blow out right of the world. And a month after that, a month after March 2020, my company merged with another company. And so there was layoffs, there was restructuring. It was a pretty dark time, to say the least a very, very dark time. **Michael Hingson ** 29:00 What did you do? **Katya Davydova ** 29:02 cried a lot. I think so I think a lot of people did felt the way to the world and realize that. Yes, the world absolutely feels exorbitantly heavy. Yes, I was pulling 15 hours a day working on my own work on side projects on just like trying to run on the wheel of productivity. I remember when we talked about briefly, how I kind of alluded to the fact that it was difficult for me to relax. Still very much the case but during that time, especially in the 2020s 2021 22 very, very difficult to do so because there was always more to do always wanted to be done. Yeah. But I realized that that's not sustainable. And I was extremely burnt out. So I couldn't go and we were some of the hiking trails were closed because I would let off steam by hiking running. They were closed. And I was like, Okay, I gotta do something within my locus of control. Again, going back to our initial conversation, and I just began taking walks around my neighborhood before work during work after work, and just noticing all of the ordinary things that were ever present, but really spending delivered a time and attention on them and seeing what I what meaning I could impart from those things. So just today I was thinking about this, I stepped on a really, really crunchy leaf, and it just like, Oh, it is so crunchy like, scent and tingles down my spine, things like that, right? Things that we just like, encounter in everyday life that are so plain so quotidian. What if we could really revel in their in their ordinariness? So **Michael Hingson ** 30:36 you? You put up with a lot with all of that, and how have you come out of the COVID environment than some of them? Yeah, **Katya Davydova ** 30:44 I think we came out of it pretty darn well, I, when my company merged with the other organization, that was also a lot of work, because again, went from being a team to being the sole person says, heading learning and development was also doing People Operations. Really good opportunity to develop rogram programmatic, I guess, scale to like, really build a program for a 400 person, international global company, of how to actually build systems, processes and micro habits in place so that people can learn, right, because I think we are nothing if we don't learn if we don't stay curious. And during that time, when I was exiting that job to go work elsewhere, I also decided to write a book, because I was approaching a milestone birthday. And I'd wanted to punctuate that period of my life with an exclamation point, versus just our standard ellipsis. Right, one year into the next I was like, No, I want to make this big go out with a bang. And decided to write a book, because that was a very, very hard thing. And never done before I you know, I have written for the majority of my life, but writing a book is different. It's different. It's very different. So yeah, and started my new job, started the book and moved in with my then partner all in the span of one month. And that was such a beautiful, expansive, wondrous season. I was very grateful for that time. **Michael Hingson ** 32:18 And so what exactly are you doing? Yeah. So **Katya Davydova ** 32:22 right now, I work as a leadership facilitator, where I teach managers and executive executives leadership skills, and I'm also a coach for high achievers to help them get from where they are to either a higher place or however they define that, or to a place of more calm, more peace, especially for my fellow high achievers can be very difficult for us to relax, but really helped them with building out those micro habits sustainably, so that they actually enact behavioural change that they would like **Michael Hingson ** 32:49 to see. So are you doing this for someone else? Or in your own business now? **Katya Davydova ** 32:52 For myself? Okay, so **Michael Hingson ** 32:55 you have now branched off and taken the leap into your own business. You paperwork in all the forms that the California Secretary of State requires? **Katya Davydova ** 33:06 Well, this is a it's a to be to be expanded type of deal, because I saw my day job. Yeah. Okay. A lot of effort there. **Michael Hingson ** 33:16 So what's your day job? **Katya Davydova ** 33:19 So I leadership, trader, learning experiences for managers and executives, I teach things like influential communication, feedback, strategic thinking, like yesterday, I taught a I don't want to say the name but a famous well being health company. And it was just really, really cool to be in a space with the executive team with, you know, the CEO at the helm. And it's like, wow, we get to talk so meaningfully about things that actually matter. How do you build a sustainable feedback culture at this young organization? How do you as leaders model these behaviors that repple down to the business down to the organization, that's a deeply deeply meaningful work? **Michael Hingson ** 34:01 So you you do a lot of different things relating to organization development, your speaker, you're an author and so on. What's your core motivator? **Katya Davydova ** 34:12 I think it goes back to your beautifully articulated beginning sentence Michael of creating a more joyful world. For folks who might be tuning in visually I'm wearing a yellow shirt yellow is my is my color just because it's the the color of lights, the color of expansion, the color possibility, and I'm some days I'm of sheer optimist. Some days, I'm a nihilistic optimist, happy to dive into what that means as well. But essentially, I really believe in the goodness of people, both as individuals and the collective power to be good and do good. And I think that we each of us, and I do I really say this with so much conviction and not like the try, like everyone's good, but just a true conviction. that people are so good. And we have the capacity to do amazing things and to affect others in positive ways. That does not mean that we're always going to be perfect. That does not mean that we're never going to hurt people's feelings, or or, you know, potentially even do unsavory things. But what if we could live in a world in which we want to see? Alright, I know that there's a, there's a famous quote in there. But I just I, I love the feeling of being able to connect people being able to make them feel like they matter. That's what it is, at the end of the day, I want people to feel like they matter. **Michael Hingson ** 35:38 And that helps you achieve. **Katya Davydova ** 35:40 Yeah, it gives me a deep sense of meaning a deep sense of purpose. Purpose. Yeah. Well, **Michael Hingson ** 35:50 and personally, from my perspective, I love what you what you're saying makes perfect sense. You know, I don't think that people are born bad. I think it's a learned behavior that oftentimes too many people ascribe to and it's something that really we we need to deal with and recognize that there's a lot more power in being good in loving than anything else. Yeah. **Katya Davydova ** 36:13 Yeah. I mean, Michael, let me let me ask you this question. I'm sure you've been asked to ask him before. But I'm curious what your response is, in this moment. What drives you to do the things that you do to spread your message to spread awareness to do you know, hundreds of speaking engagements a year? What motivates you? **Michael Hingson ** 36:30 Well, I think probably somewhat the same thing that you do, I want to inspire I want to educate people, I want people to learn more about blindness, and that, that our view of disability is totally wrong. disability does not mean a lack of ability, and that every person on this planet has a disability of one sort or another. We could delve into that. But the reality is, I think that anytime that we can contribute to making people have a better outlook is an important and a good thing to do. Yeah. **Katya Davydova ** 37:03 Is that something that you felt yourself cultivating as a child or something that you grew into, **Michael Hingson ** 37:09 I always wanted to be a teacher. And my first job out of college took me in a different direction, sort of. But I ultimately realized that being a teacher doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be hired into plant to teach in the classroom or whatever. And then, in fact, most of the jobs that I have had, including what I do today, is all about teaching. And that, that it's important to teach the right and important things. And that in reality, I can't teach anyone anything they have to teach themselves. All I can do is show the way. **Katya Davydova ** 37:49 Yes, yes. I love that. And what's what is it that keeps you going? Right, because sometimes being a teacher is difficult to continually have to exert some or a lot of ourselves to do so. What keeps you going? **Michael Hingson ** 38:04 Well, I That's a fair question. And I'm gonna turn it around in a second and ask you the same thing, but, but for me, look, I believe that that people are doing it. I love life, I love the fact that life is an adventure that we all should share him. I think that there is an absolute relevant world of morals and ethics and so on. And so it's always frustrating when I see people totally ignoring morals, totally ignoring ethics, doing some of the things that we're seeing people do in our in our world today. But I ultimately have seen too many examples of life is really composed mostly of good people. And we can be better for it. And we need to really emphasize the good and the love part. I'm with with Henry Drummond love is the most important thing in the world. And it is something that will transcend everything that we deal with. And if we don't do it, it will destroy anyone who really decides not to truly be a loving individual. So it keeps me going knowing that some of those things are true. Some of those things work. And I want to continue to help motivate people to to do better and be better than they are. And maybe it's like what you were thinking of the whole Gandhi quote of Be the change you want to see in the morning. Exactly. Yes. How about you? **Katya Davydova ** 39:33 Yeah, I think about this question as it is interlaced with the topic of burnout, where in today's as well. Yeah, and I would say in today's society that folks are more prone to an experience more burnout more than ever. The reason that I contrast that is because at the end of the day, while systems, organizational systems worldwide system, global citizens are like me not designed for necessarily human flourishing, because if you look at the eight hour workday, right, that is an archaic practice from the 50s. From the line of Dr. Work that some people are definitely not working eight hours, some people are working way more, but the human brain and body are not designed to sit in a chair for eight hours a day and look at a screen. Right? That is my soapbox. Wow, I love taking us down this. And I say this because it can get very exhausting to show up over and over and over again. But I think that what it boils down to is that, to your point about making a brighter world, if we have a choice to show up as loving, as kind as caring, why wouldn't we? Right? It almost seems like the me at least, I mean, I might be biased, but it almost feels like the natural choice. But I also think that this is not something that many of us consciously step into, like I had to get there. I had this really powerful lesson from my prior relationship, where my former partner and I, you know, we were living together had a great relationship. But he's, again, still one of my best friends different partner than the other one I mentioned. And he told me, he's like Katya, like, you nag me a lot, right? You like, tell me like, what what you wish I did more of what? What I'm not doing right. Like, you don't tell me as much the things that I am doing, right? It's like, Oh, my God, you're so right. Like, I wasn't giving him that positive reinforcement that we and research affirms is crucial, or strong relationships. Because according to adult learning theory, adults learn best by positive reinforcement by doubling down on things that they do well. And ever since he said that, to me, I like really took that to heart, because I asked him for feedback, after we broke up was like, Hey, give me some feedback on how I can be a better partner. And it was really, really valuable. And that's one of the lessons that I carry forth with me. If there's a way that I can positively amplify someone else's experience, someone else's work someone else's, you know, anything that they do, why wouldn't I? Yeah, it makes it better for everybody involved. And it feels so good for both **Michael Hingson ** 42:04 parties. And, and you're not doing it from the standpoint of arrogance. You're doing it from the standpoint of love, and because you want to really be a helpful part of humanity. **Katya Davydova ** 42:16 Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's sometimes like, yeah, it can take effort, especially when we've had a day. It can be very easy to say like, well, the wild is dark, and I'm tired, right? So I'm gonna go like wallow. And of course, like, everyone does, I do that, too. But when we have the choice to show up as our best selves, **Michael Hingson ** 42:33 I wouldn't wait. Yeah. So tell me, what do you think having an unstoppable mindset means? **Katya Davydova ** 42:43 I love this question. You know, I was reflecting a lot about this in preparation for our conversation today, Michael. I think there's the tangible resilience, skills, the things that we can learn, right, all the coping mechanisms, being aware of how stress shows up in our brains and bodies, you know, employing techniques like deep breathing, or the 200 technique, or, you know, inviting cognitive offload. All of those terms, by the way, are terms that I teach for my day job, which I just love. But essentially, there's the hard skills, right, like, if you experienced this type of stressor, here's how you can cope. That's one way to be unstoppable, so that you have the systems, the mechanistic systems in place to get you through our times. But I think there's also the flip side of being unstoppable is having the belief that you are able to overcome any challenge that comes in your way. And if not overcome to your ideal, desired level, that there's lessons that you can take from it. So if you overcome it, amazing, great, you've made it through made it past, if it didn't go quite as planned that there's takeaways to help guide you on the next iteration, the next chapter. And I think that that sort of intangible that second flavor is the more intangible that limitless belief that instead of a limiting belief, that you are capable, that you are able and that in the end, things will turn out however they turn out. **Michael Hingson ** 44:17 So I'm sure that you've had in your life and you can point to times that you've had to face adversity, what's gotten you through it, how do you do them? **Katya Davydova ** 44:27 Yeah, I was actually just discussing coping styles, like there's different types of coping styles of stress. And my typical coping style is just robot mode. I'll share with you a story that about almost a decade ago, actually now, I was in a near fatal head on collision. And it was a really hard time everybody walked out it was it was all good. Well, all good. I put that in quotes, air quotes. I expected after that, that I would just go back to life and like, you know, maybe take some time to recover maybe like rest and I did not write I just continued pumping out at 100% 150% Just the way I had been before before the accident. And I tell the story, because when I tell my participants about the story, I'm like, you know, I should have learned to take better care of myself, I should have learned to slow down and actually rest. And I did it. But what got me through is that like, okay, like, this is going to be a hard season, I'm going to just go robot do the things that I need to do to stay afloat. But what I've been learning recently in the last couple of years is to actually listen to my body. If I'm tired, maybe that's an indication that I should take a break. Right? What did curiosity what did that though? Just knowing to answer your question more directly, Michael, to get through hard times, knowing that there is going to be a different time, a time that I feel 1% Less bad **Michael Hingson ** 45:51 tomorrow. So let's go back to let's go back to going robot. does that also mean you're just doing things, if you will, by rote or being a robot, that it gives you your brain time to think and to process? And then of course, you have to listen to what comes out or learn to listen to what comes out. But does that then by giving your brain a chance to process? If you think that is true, then that's it is it is truly a healing mechanism that that allows you to come out of it stronger and better for what you do. **Katya Davydova ** 46:30 Yeah, yeah, I really think it's a way of compartmentalization, where I know that there's things that quote unquote, have to get done, right in order for me to carry on the way that I've been living. But I also think it can be maladaptive because I sometimes may not take enough time to grieve, right or to process, I journal a lot. So that that is my sort of grieving mechanism. And lately, again, as I said, I went through a lot of heavy things this past year, actually allowing myself the time to just like, go on a mountaintop and cry, you know, as a sort of movie like as it sounds, it's really, really cathartic and healing to say, okay, Kati, like these are the things that are bubbling up, let them out, as opposed to squashing them down and dealing with them never so that they're unresolved. **Michael Hingson ** 47:16 Yeah, I think that's part of the the issue is that if you just push them down, and you don't pay attention to them, when you don't deal with issues that come up, then you're going to come up and get you in the end anyway. **Katya Davydova ** 47:28 And intensify potentially and intensify. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I think having the sense of community around as well. I've I'm curious, Michael, how this shows up for you. But I haven't been really great at asking for help, especially in my younger years, because I'm like, I can do it on my own. You know, I grew up very independent talking to adults, as I mentioned. And so I was like, I can do everything myself, right. But now I'm like, leaning on my community. I'm like, Hey, friends, like I'm feeling really bad, like helped, you know, and are like, what would you do in this situation, and everyone has shown up and just such the most kind, loving way. And just remembering that there's people who want to be in your corner. **Michael Hingson ** 48:05 And people who care, people who care. I, I have learned, especially and talk about it since September 11, that when I think I've learned it a long before then especially working with guide dogs, it's all about teamwork and team development. But I think that there is a lot to always be said for having a team. And we may or may not necessarily recognize it. And sometimes we we may even just want to push the team away. But when we truly interact with the team, interact with the people around us and let them into our lives. It is such a wonderful, very powerful thing to do. **Katya Davydova ** 48:51 Is there a moment like that that stands out for you and your life? **Michael Hingson ** 48:54 Well, immediately what I'm thinking of is that that my wife of 40 years passed away last November. And so we we had been married literally 40 years. So suddenly, I was alone, in a sense, because now she wasn't here. I did have a few months to sort of prepare for it because we knew what was happening. This her body started slowing down. She's been in a wheelchair, her wife and her buddy just started slowing down and that happened for her. But suddenly, no matter what you think it was suddenly there and now she's no longer here. Although I'd love to tell people she's watching somewhere and if I misbehave, I'm going to hear about it. But But still, it's different now. And one of the things that we did was I decided to have a meeting, kind of a celebration of life, which we did in January the week the shoe We did a service for her in the middle of January where we spread her ashes. And then the next week, we did a celebration of life online. And people came from around the world literally, to participate in that for her. And I realized how much not only she but I had in such a blessing with so many people who wanted to continue to be part of our lives. And, and then it worked out really well. So I, I love to stay in touch with people, but I also now value even more times of flight. So I can I can go through a good period of time and not turn the TV on not turn the radio on or anything and just have a quiet or I'll just read a book. And that's okay. Yeah, yeah. **Katya Davydova ** 50:55 I really appreciate your sharing your story, Michael, that's, that's, **Michael Hingson ** 51:00 I think it is important that we all need to take time to collect our own thoughts, and that we need to value other people. But at the same time, we also need to recognize that we have to value ourselves and in our lives. And ultimately, again, we're our best teachers, and we have to teach ourselves. **Katya Davydova ** 51:22 Yes, and teach ourselves not once, not twice, but iteratively, right, like set up potentially even systems or habits to remind ourselves, to spend time with ourselves to check in to journal to write to do whatever it is that makes us feel centered. **Michael Hingson ** 51:34 I'm a firm believer that people should take some time every day to just think and as I was I talked about introspection. That is something that we we can do when people say I don't have the time to do that too much do yes, you do. Always have to. **Katya Davydova ** 51:54 I also used to be one of those people who's like, I don't have time I'm literally doing like I'm working 14 hour days. I'm moving from one thing to the next. And what I share people my schedule when I like, let them see my calendar. They're like, Kati, this is insane. Like, I know, it's insane. That's why I don't have time. But there is always time and micromoments right. Lately, I've been finding meditative moments on like, I bike to the gym, or I walk around the neighborhood or like, deliberately, if I can't sit still, which it's it is very difficult for me to still sit still. Then I'll find that stillness as I'm physically moving. Right? And like the mind just comes down. I'm a rock climber. So whenever like I'm on the wall, holding on for dear life. That is such a perfect opportunity to think about like, nothing else matters. Besides this moment. That is it. Right you're **Michael Hingson ** 52:37 holding on? And the reality is we always do have time, it's just that we make the choice not to. And that's the problem that each of us has to grow out. Mm **Katya Davydova ** 52:47 hmm. I wouldn't even view it as a problem, right? Because problem or a challenge? Challenge, somewhat, but it makes it feel like like, you are at fault for **Michael Hingson ** 52:59 not Yeah, no, no, I hear you. **Katya Davydova ** 53:02 Yeah, I just I and this is still an unresolved thing for myself, too. And I share this right, even though I coach people on this, it's, it's still something that is such a constant work in progress. And that's why like, I really like thinking about the micro habits, right? How can we design systems in a way that we don't have to, we don't have to think about implementing this every day, we've already designed the backbone of the system that can carry us **Michael Hingson ** 53:26 through? How do we get people to do that? **Katya Davydova ** 53:30 Well, we get to get them to think about their motivations. So starting with a why, like, what is it that ultimately matters to them? And it's kind of like asking a ladder of lies, right? And why does that matter to you? And why does that matter to you? And what's at the true core, or like, what is the core of your essence or your being, and then connecting behaviors back onto that. So mapping it to sort of like this giant tree trunk of why we're all the branches, or the possible behaviors and the possible habits that folks might build. So for example, when my clients wants to build a little bit more structure in their morning schedule, and, you know, schedules are great structure is great, but why does that matter? Right? What will that ultimately give to that person? And so we were able to unpack that a little bit deeply in a way that the outcome was a sustainable, you know, chunk of time every day to connect back with themselves, because that was something that they were truly wanting and desiring **Michael Hingson ** 54:25 in 30 years, how would you like people to remember you in your life, not that you've passed away or anything, but in 30 years, there's a lot more time for people to develop memories about you. Definitely, **Katya Davydova ** 54:35 definitely. I love that you asked that question I got I'm gonna marinate on it. But the answer that comes to mind is I would like to be remembered as a source of light, love, joy and liberty for others, and that's kind of vague and nebulous, but I leave it vague and nebulous to be able to land a To the interpretation of each person, right, so if I can be that person that is able to make someone feel at least 10% better, if I'm that person who can help them craft systems or I can help them craft an environment where they do feel their most powerful, empowered, joyful selves, then I will have lived a great life. **Michael Hingson ** 55:20 And we would have done something that's really great. Yes, yes. What advice do you have for for people who are listening to this? **Katya Davydova ** 55:31 In general, I love I love how to end the big the big hitters show like I love your style. **Michael Hingson ** 55:41 It's a sir questions that come to mind. It's not that they were planned. To be honest, it's that they're devotee. Right? Scott talking. But anyway, **Katya Davydova ** 55:50 I think it's to continually remind ourselves that we have a choice and how we see the world. And to choose to see it in a way that ultimately is serves us and serves other people best. So my specific personalized version of it is to see the joy in the everyday to find little little treasures, right little moments of joy and wonder in the everyday, that's my own ethos, yours might be that, you know, you leave the world feeling you leave each day, helping one person feel inspired. Right? Whatever the flavor of it is, the advice that I would impart upon folks, if I could have like a billboard that would shine across the entire universe. Or maybe let's just keep it to Earth, planet Earth, the universe, in this one is to remember that we have the choice to show up and to try to show up as fully ourselves, and it's probably our best authentic versions of ourselves. Because that's all we have. **Michael Hingson ** 56:47 And I liked the fact that you talk about it as a choice, because it is a choice. And we can choose to do that or not. I think that's the important part about whatever we do, we we have the choice as to how we want to live, we may not always be able to control some of the things that happen to us, we always have the choice as to how we deal with it. And that's what's really important. Yeah. **Katya Davydova ** 57:12 And also making the space that if we don't feel like or cannot show up as our best selves that day, to not like get overly hard on ourselves about it, right? Because of course, sometimes we're gonna have off days off weeks off seasons, and just keep coming back to it with love. As long as we get that word, **Michael Hingson ** 57:27 give it to ourselves, and don't get hard on others either. **Katya Davydova ** 57:30 Yes, yes, exactly. Don't let that spread. Well, **Michael Hingson ** 57:34 this has been fun. I know, you've got to go off to another meeting, because you're just so popular. So I do want to thank you again for being here. And I hope that all of you enjoyed this. Please let us know what you think I would appreciate it. If you would reach out to me, you can email me at Michaelhi at accessibe A c c e s s i b e.com. Or go to our podcast page www dot Michael hingson.com/podcast. Love Of course, as I always say, but I do mean it. We really would appreciate five star ratings from you, wherever you're listening to this, but how do you how can people reach out to you and maybe take advantage of some of the things that you do and so on? **Katya Davydova ** 58:12 Yeah, thank you for asking that. And absolutely plus, plus a million to what you just shared about reaching out to Michael. But if you want to get in touch and honestly do truly mean this to please please reach out. It's just Katya at KatyaDavydova.com If you're an Instagram, it's at joy in plain sight, all one word. And if you want to find me on LinkedIn, it's Kaya Davydova. If you're someone who is interested in coaching and want to explore options for building more sustainable habits for life flourishing, I'm in your corner. I've got your back. Let's have a conversation. Again. Katya @KatyaDavydova.com. It'd be amazing to hear from you. Thank you might be on mute Michael **Michael Hingson ** 58:47 spell spell. Katya Davydova For us? **Katya Davydova ** 58:49 Sure. Katya is K a t y a. And Davydova is D a v y d o v a Davydova. **Michael Hingson ** 58:59 And you wrote a book? **Katya Davydova ** 59:00 I did. I did. Called joy in plain sight. And how can people get that? You're welcome to either find it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, I believe target all your online retailers. If you want to personalize signed copy, I have a couple of those still left available. So I'm happy to mail you one. Feel free to just email me Katy@KatyaDavydova.com **Michael Hingson ** 59:22 Well, Katya, I want to thank you once again for being here and for doing this. It's been a joy, and it's been a pleasure and we need to do it again. Yes, **Katya Davydova ** 59:31 Michael, thank you so much for cultivating the space I just feel radiantly connected and extremely grateful for having this opportunity to chat with. **Michael Hingson ** 59:43 You have been listening to the Unstoppable Mindset podcast. Thanks for dropping by. I hope that you'll join us again next week, and in future weeks for upcoming episodes. To subscribe to our

covid-19 america god tv ceo women american new york university amazon netflix california children english google hollywood earth los angeles leadership work state new york times phd ms russian dc new jersey italian hospitals states blind dying tedx ambassadors thunder stitcher ebooks sacramento ac unstoppable quantum joyful regrets charlottesville big bang gandhi barnes and noble rutgers university dropbox world trade center clinical psychology mecca george mason university uva plain sight alamo toastmasters american red cross uzbekistan dean martin slavic phi beta kappa national federation guide dogs people operations xa asli victorville exxon mobile chief vision officer development expert federal express catia scripps college california secretary michael hingson accessibe massachusetts conference american humane association thunder dog henry drummond hero dog awards

Episode 189 – Unstoppable Advocate of a Little Less Fear with Lino Martinez

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 19, 2023 64:36

This past May I was invited to schedule a time to appear on a podcast entitled “A Little Less Fear”. The title intrigued me as you can imagine. As I learned about the host, Lino Martinez, I found that not only did I want to appear on his podcast but that I was certain he would be a wonderful guest here on Unstoppable Mindset. As it turned out, I will be appearing on his podcast later in August and we just today, August 2, 2023, recorded my episode with Lino, (pronounced Leeno). What a fascinating and heart wrenching story Lino has to tell. He was born in 1980. While a diagnosis wasn't forthcoming until he was 36 years old, Lino was born with Muckle Wells Syndrome. As he will tell us, this syndrome manifests itself as the various parts of his body were at war with each other. He did attend school around many illnesses due to the syndrome. However, things grew worse in 2006 and he began what turned out to be some forty surgeries. Even through the surgeries he worked to secure a doctorate in Psychology. He is a college professor today and has learned to thrive. I believe you will find that Lino has much to tell us about how we can learn to fear less by especially learning more about self love. I am going to leave it to him to explain. Our conversation this episode is far ranging and quite provocative in a good way. I hope you find many good take-aways from my time with Lino Martinez. Be sure to check out his podcast “A Little Less Fear” too. About the Guest: Lino Martinez, Psy.D, is in the forefront of his life for the first time as a man. At birth he was given a rare genetic disease, Muckle Wells Syndrome, in which he was diagnosed 36 years later. In just 12 years, from ages 26-38, Lino had gone through over 40 surgeries to maintain his life. Lino was also born female and transitioned from female to male, to better match his authentic self at age 34. Lino is now 43 years strong and thriving for the first time in his life. With incredible health experts, and a strong will to survive, Lino was able to take his pain and create a fruitful life with it. He now lives as vibrant as possible, walking on two legs, with his doctorate in Clinical Psychology. His dissertation explored ways to help women suffering with Chronic Urological Conditions by using Existentialism and providing a model for a therapeutic setting. Some of his greatest passions are writing poetry, singing, interviewing people on his podcast show and showing love to the world. He is also inspired by the Deaf community and aspires to connect the hearing world and the Deaf world. Lino wishes to help the suffering world through telling his story, and writing to help the world be a peaceful, loving place for humanity. With his new book, A Little Less Fear, Lino hopes to encourage others to live by his motto of living life with more love. Ways to connect with Rob: www.alittlelessfear.com https://www.instagram.com/alittlelessfearpodcast/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtP4TN79CnanTFpRfOw0lUA https://www.tiktok.com/@alittlelessfear?lang=en https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-lino-martinez-48ba83202/ About the Host: Michael Hingson is a New York Times best-selling author, international lecturer, and Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe. Michael, blind since birth, survived the 9/11 attacks with the help of his guide dog Roselle. This story is the subject of his best-selling book, Thunder Dog. Michael gives over 100 presentations around the world each year speaking to influential groups such as Exxon Mobile, AT&T, Federal Express, Scripps College, Rutgers University, Children's Hospital, and the American Red Cross just to name a few. He is Ambassador for the National Braille Literacy Campaign for the National Federation of the Blind and also serves as Ambassador for the American Humane Association's 2012 Hero Dog Awards. https://michaelhingson.com https://www.facebook.com/michael.hingson.author.speaker/ https://twitter.com/mhingson https://www.youtube.com/user/mhingson https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhingson/ accessiBe Links https://accessibe.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/accessiBe https://www.linkedin.com/company/accessibe/mycompany/ https://www.facebook.com/accessibe/ Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts. Transcription Notes **Michael Hingson ** 00:00 Access Cast and accessiBe Initiative presents Unstoppable Mindset. The podcast where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Hi, I'm Michael Hingson, Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe and the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, Thunder dog, the story of a blind man, his guide dog and the triumph of trust. Thanks for joining me on my podcast as we explore our own blinding fears of inclusion unacceptance and our resistance to change. We will discover the idea that no matter the situation, or the people we encounter, our own fears, and prejudices often are our strongest barriers to moving forward. The unstoppable mindset podcast is sponsored by accessiBe, that's a c c e s s i capital B e. Visit www.accessibe.com to learn how you can make your website accessible for persons with disabilities. And to help make the internet fully inclusive by the year 2025. Glad you dropped by we're happy to meet you and to have you here with us. **Michael Hingson ** 01:21 Well, hi, and here we are once again with another episode of unstoppable mindset. We're inclusion diversity in the unexpected meet. And in case you really don't know the reason the subtitle is that way is that when we talk about diversity, very rarely does anyone ever talk about disabilities. So I put inclusion first because if people say they're inclusive, they can't get away with leaving out disabilities. How's that for a philosophical attitude. But anyway, there we are today, we have as a guest, Lino Martinez, who is a really neat person I've gotten to know over the past few months and we've chatted a little bit more today. And he has an interesting story to tell for a lot of reasons. And I'm gonna let him do most of it. And I'm gonna sit back and listen and just but if I really need to, so leave it all. I want to welcome you to unstoppable mindset. Thanks for being here. **Lino Martinez ** 02:14 Thank you for inviting me. It's such an honor. Thank you so much. **Michael Hingson ** 02:17 Well, I really appreciate you coming and, and I know you and I are going to do an episode of your podcast called a little less fear later in the month. So that'll be fun. So we'll have to talk about that. But why don't you start by telling us about kind of the early you and kind of where you came from. And I'm really interested to hear more about this Michael's wells muckle wells syndrome. I've never heard of it before, but I'll leave you tell it in your way. **Lino Martinez ** 02:44 Okay, thank you so much. So yeah, basically, let's see here. Uh, well, I was born in East Los Angeles in January of 1980. And I was born two months early, as an emergency C section, baby for my mother, the cord was wrapped around my neck. Now, I used to joke about this. And I used to see, well, I looked like I was trying to hang myself commit suicide in the womb, because I knew what I signed up for. I didn't really want to be born. But I mean, lo and behold it. I mean, I really I was born early and and shortly after I was born. Within six months, I started having health, health issues, a lot of body spasms, a lot of tummy aches, and I was in and out of hospitals ever since I was a little kid. So, but the way that the disease presented itself was a lack of me growing, I wasn't thriving at all, I was very skinny little kid, and I'm very tiny petite. And it just, I had severe stomach pains. And I was always in the hospitals. And that's really how I spent a lot of my life. And, and it really wasn't until, until I was 36 years old, where they finally diagnosed me with a rare genetic disease. I'm not sure if you want me to jump from birth to 36 years old, because a lot happened in between all of that. But to make the long story short, that what the disease does is it causes inflammation throughout my entire body. Now all diseases inflammation, even even having a headache is an inflammation. But this disease specifically has a mutation in the genetic mutation called an L and L RP three genetic mutation. And so when that is activated, it kind of like it kind of like it causes a war with all parts of my body, every organ, every nerve. And so when there's constant inflammation in the body, and your nerves and your organs, things start to dysfunction, and they start to overreact. One of the doctors said that the disease is a drama queen. So **Michael Hingson ** 04:49 quite literally, love doctors with great medical descriptions. But but it really probably makes sense. Yeah, **Lino Martinez ** 04:56 so let's say that and it could be triggered by anything. It can be triggered by stress, it can be triggered by any emotional stress, physical stress, even an injury, anything can cause this disease to activate and it can present itself and in countless ways, from migraine headaches to paralysis. And so in my case, since it took so many years to diagnose, it lead to paralysis and paralysis and my motor nerves and my peripheral nerves. And the paralysis began in my pelvic area. And basically, I wasn't able to pee, I wasn't able to go pee like a normal person does, starting as early as 26 years old. And by the time doctors figured out what was going on, that my muscles weren't working at, there's a lot of inflammation in the bladder that the bladder was hardening. By that time, there was no salvaging of my my bladder. And so after about 15 surgeries, it was not salvageable. And by the time I was 33 years old, I had a complete what's called a radical cystectomy, which is a complete removal of my urinary bladder. And they did a complete reconstruction using about 60 inches total of my small intestine, my appendix and removing my urethra and cutting my kidney tubes in which took about five years to heal. So it was quite an adventure. And there's a lot of suffering involved in that, but I came out on the other side stronger than ever. **Michael Hingson ** 06:30 Wow. So you, you just really wanted to get the attention to the doctors, right. **Lino Martinez ** 06:37 I guess. I was a challenge. I'll tell you that much. It was a big challenge for them. It **Michael Hingson ** 06:42 certainly sounds like it well. So what was it like for those first 26 years going through, obviously having a lot of issues. And so I'm like you, you clearly went to school and other things like that. So tell me a little about that. **Lino Martinez ** 06:55 So by the time I was 26, I had my master's in psychology and my bachelor's in communication. I was doing very well. I do have my doctorate in clinical psychology, and I graduated when I was 30. That was back in 2010. I'm 43. Now, you graduated **Michael Hingson ** 07:09 with what in 2008? Doctorate in clinical doctrine? Wow. **Lino Martinez ** 07:13 Yeah, back in 2010. But from the first 26 years, yes, I was definitely going to school or getting a lot of good grades. But I was also sick in between. So I was constantly going to doctor appointments, and they couldn't find anything, quote unquote, wrong with me at the time, but I knew there was something going on. There was something different than that. And I could just feel it. I could just feel that it wasn't your average person. Yeah. Yeah. Well, **Michael Hingson ** 07:35 where did you go to college? So **Lino Martinez ** 07:39 yeah, I got my bachelor's at Cal State San Bernardino, and mass communication. And I got my master's at the Chicago school. And I also got my doctorate at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, the Los Angeles campus. Well, **Michael Hingson ** 07:52 and as you pointed out earlier, we should tell people you're in what Pasadena now so you're really not all that far from us. Just a hoot and holler away. **Lino Martinez ** 08:02 Yeah, I'm in Pasadena, California. Lovely. Sunny Pasadena. Yeah. And it is today. So you can call it the heat is on Michael. The heat is on. This is **Michael Hingson ** 08:10 August 2 When we're doing this recording, and it was 95 out here today. **Lino Martinez ** 08:16 Oh, yeah. Yeah. So we're getting over here to Wow. But **Michael Hingson ** 08:21 you see you, you know, it seems like 30 as an age to get your doctorate that is certainly not by any standard, unusual, and been so good for you to go off and do that. **Lino Martinez ** 08:34 Thank you. I appreciate that. **Michael Hingson ** 08:35 Did you start up practice or what? **Lino Martinez ** 08:37 I was unable to practice, I was unable to get licensed because I started having a lot of surgeries prior prior to graduating. Luckily, the faculty and all of the professors worked with me while I was in hospitals, in and out of hospitals, I was able to complete my dissertation, within years of after graduating. And it was from the time that I graduated to about 40 years old that I had over 40 surgeries to save my life. And so I even missed the whole Facebook era. I never even had a Facebook I still don't because that was very popular back then. And I was too busy wired up to machines and tubes coming out of my body. So I also had a feeding tube for eight years and I also lost my voice my ability to speak for two and a half years. I also wear hearing aids. So the journey continued with this with this disease up until I was approved approved by my insurance for immunosuppressant medications. And when I finally got on immunosuppressant medications, my voice started to come back very slowly, one vocal cord at a time. And yeah, so here I am thriving finally. **Michael Hingson ** 09:38 Well, you certainly sound like you are and you're you're hopefully done with the surgeries for a while. **Lino Martinez ** 09:43 The last surgery I had was about six months ago and it was because I had a CT scan of my kidneys and they thought they saw some stones but when they went in there, they didn't find anything. So luckily I really feel that I'm for reals this time. I'm going to live the rest of my life disease free. That **Michael Hingson ** 10:03 is so cool. And you are clearly a person who sounds very positive about all of it. And you get here, it really did. So any other things that you want to talk about regarding medical issues and all that. **Lino Martinez ** 10:21 Be honest with you, it was very challenging losing my voice. I mean, losing my bladder was was a challenge in itself, but losing my voice, because I also saved my chin when I was a teenage singer. And so when I all of a sudden couldn't speak, and even hurt, my vocal cords even breathe because your vocal cords expand when you breathe. So even breathing hurt. So I was really bedridden for that amount of time. But I went to sign school to learn sign language, because I wasn't going to give up I have to keep communicating somehow. But that time, I became very depressed. So I went from physical ailments to now hitting my mental health. And I hit my mental health because I thought, What am I supposed to do with my life, I lost my ability to pee, I have a feeding tube, I can't speak, I'm losing my hearing. I'm worrying trifocals on my glasses, like I don't, I don't know what else is gonna go next. And it seems like every every Oregon was going I went, I was on high doses of heart medications for a incredible rapid heart rate. So I was really bedridden for a very long time. And I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. But one thing that I do want to reveal is that I'm transgender, I lived the first 34 years of my life as a female. And I also knew at the time that if I didn't transition, I was going to die in the wrong body. And I was going to die in authentically. And so when I decided to finally get on hormone, hormonal replacement therapy, other things started to align even my purpose in life. So when I was in this, what I call the dying stages, because this disease was taking my life very slowly, I looked on the brighter side and saw that now my gender was aligning with what felt the best alignment for my spirit in this life. And that was a masculine energy. And even though at the time, I didn't have a voice, and I didn't know what I would even sound like as a man because part of becoming a man was being able to sound like a man. And now wasn't even going to sound like a man. But at least I was looking like one. And at least I was feeling like one. And so when I was getting into this alignment of my feeling masculine other things started to align because I started to experience more self love. And when I experienced more self love, other joys started opening and opening itself to me and presenting itself as different avenues in my life. **Michael Hingson ** 12:33 Did becoming a man, though, in any way, medically, help the whole healing process and getting you through a lot of the surgeries or lessening them. Did anything become simpler or is it wasn't really totally unrelated, **Lino Martinez ** 12:47 it became simpler became simpler, because I was more authentic with myself. It's kind of like, it's kind of like this, this is the only way I could explain it. Let's see that you. Somebody tells you hey, Michael, just for the next three years of your life, you're going to be called Jane, wherever you go, your name is Jane. Now you know, you feel like Michael, and you feel like my your body feels like Michael, you can feel yourself as Michael. But all of a sudden you have to be Jane for the next three years. So being Jane for the next three years is not going to feel authentic to you. And in that you start to present yourself differently in a different manner. And you start to feel insecure. So I lived my life with such insecurity. So when I finally transitioned to my full self, there was less insecurity and with less insecurity means there's less fear. And when there's less fear, that means there's more love. And when there's more love, there's more opportunity. **Michael Hingson ** 13:39 And with all of that there's a whole lot less stress and that had to help in the healing process. Physiologically, yeah, physiologically, did it make life easier just to be a man instead of a woman? Or did that did that help just from a standpoint of apps actual physiological sorts of things did did the insides of your body becoming a male as opposed to a female make any difference? **Lino Martinez ** 14:08 The what made a major difference is that I decided to have a lot of surgeries to better align my body physically as a man and I wasn't intimidated at all because by by now Michael, I had had over 2030 surgeries to save my life. So what it's not a big deal to have my breasts removed at this point, it's not a big deal to have a hysterectomy and it really wasn't and I'm sorry for for listeners that are listening for the first time and if it triggers them, for me to say that it was nothing to have a double mastectomy or that it was nothing to have a hysterectomy. This isn't in any way to hurt anybody's experiences with whatever they may have experienced. But for me personally it was freedom. For me personally, it was not painful. There was joy involved with that. And it better align with me when I touched my chest and the breasts were gone. It felt like this is me whole this is who I am. Well, **Michael Hingson ** 14:53 the other part about it is just listening to you clearly you're very confident about yourself Today, and as I said, with all the things that have happened a whole lot less stress, and that has to help the confidence we I'm actually writing we're we're in the middle of writing a book about fear. And the idea behind it basically, is that the biggest problem with fear is everyone thinks you can't control it. It's all biological. And that's all there is to it. But the reality is, you have control over fear or can learn to control fear so that you can make it a very powerful tool, as opposed to a negative thing in your life. And, of course, my story of being in the World Trade Center on September 11, and the things that I learned that prepared me, although I didn't know it at the time, but prepared me to be able to deal with the emergency of what happened that day and getting out and so on, was all about creating a mindset that I only later realized that creative which was fear, is not really the problem. There are some things you can control and some things that you can't. And what we need to focus on are the things that we can and one of them is really the whole issue of fear. We don't need to be afraid of everything, even unexpected things that happen in our lives. If we prepare. **Lino Martinez ** 16:17 Yes. And a lot of the times it's hard to prepare to not be in fear, because our instincts and as you were saying a lot Physiol physiologically, our body will respond with increased cortisol levels stress hormones, when fear presents itself, but fear in general as an emotion, is the complete opposite of love. And in life, there's only two emotions fear and love. Because all negativity is the derivative of any negative feeling of any negative thought is fear. And so when you can break that down and see, well, why am I feeling negative about this? What's the underlying fear? There's a fear with every negative emotion, there's an attachment to it. And when you see that life is only two major emotions, love and fear, you can start leaning more towards love. And when you start leaning more towards love, there's less fear and less negativity. **Michael Hingson ** 17:10 Yeah. And that makes a lot of sense. It's just that we don't teach that collectively to people we **Lino Martinez ** 17:19 don't, we don't. And that's challenging. And when we learn that in school, either, yeah, we don't know that anywhere live, we **Michael Hingson ** 17:27 don't live anywhere. Well, and look at all the things that are going on around us. If you sit back and analyze everything that's going on in politics, it's all about fear. People are selling fear. And they're, they're not helping to encourage us to step back and look at things or on television, advertisements are oftentimes all about fear, really is beware of your car light, or engineering light or your your car. Motor light coming on, you know, so get this warranty now. And it's all about fear. **Lino Martinez ** 18:04 It really is. It's all about fear. And I really stay away from politics as much as possible. I don't listen to the news, if I really try to remain as focused in the present moment, because any any any politics or anything that's going to steer someone towards fear. It's either living in the past or living in the future. And it's not living currently right now. Like right and right, specifically right now with you and I chatting, Michael, there is no fear right now. He's only connection and because of couldn't reconnecting because of the love for humanity. **Michael Hingson ** 18:35 I do watch the news every day. But I do it because I want to know what's going on in the world. And I can do that. Without fear. I've, I've learned I've read enough to understand the need for conversation to understand the need to connect. And so for me, what is just amazing is how many people have forgotten how to do that. I mean, but I grew up needing to connect. And I was taught how to do that by my parents. And I think that's extremely important. And I wish that we taught it more today than we do. **Lino Martinez ** 19:09 I love that you can do that. Michael, I think I'm not in a place in my life where I can listen to negativity, negative news, and then it not come with me and kind of start steering me in a negative in any direction. So I that's where I'm at right now. And mostly because my mother, I'll give you an example. My mother watches the news every day. And she's so she gets in that negative loop. She'll be like, Oh, don't do this, because this or there, oh, there's this killer going around, or you're this and this might happen. And I just I have to tell her sometimes I get very short temper and I say you know what, you need to stop watching the news. So that really scares me away from watching and if she if she was able to deviate from from not being so absorbed about it, and I saw more of the positive aspects of it. I probably would watch it or listen to it a little more. But for me personally, I tried to see your way as far as I can **Michael Hingson ** 19:59 I fully understand that. And for me, as I said, it's it's a source of information. But if I start letting it get to me, whatever it is, then that's the time not to watch it anymore. And very frankly, I love having a good part of the day where there's there's nothing going on my wife passed away last November after we were married for 40 years. So it's me in the house. And I have a person who helps part time. But I value silence. And I think that we really need to value and get more of that. Because, again, if we don't have that silence, then we don't spend any time thinking and becoming analytical and really reflecting on our lives and what we need to do to improve and so on. I **Lino Martinez ** 20:51 agree with you. I love being in silence myself, and I do it very often. **Michael Hingson ** 20:55 Yeah, it's, it's valuable to do, we don't always need to have something going on. And and you know, I will have something on I'll have I collect old radio shows as a hobby. And I also listen to internet stations that do radio when I listen to other things as well. But if if I'm going to have something on, it's going to be reading a book or listening to old radio shows, and I will watch news for a little bit during the day. But it's not something that is a major driving force that I have to do. And certainly I'm not going to let it affect me. But I have control over that. I have control over whether I let it affect me or not. Which is the point? **Lino Martinez ** 21:35 Definitely. That is the point. Exactly. Yeah. **Michael Hingson ** 21:39 So it really works. works out well, I think. I hope so anyway. So does does fear, however talking about fear like that does fear serve a purpose. **Lino Martinez ** 21:54 I believe that fear steers you in the direction of what needs healing and what needs attention. And it really depends also on the type of fear, if it's a fear of something of being attacked of your wellbeing, perhaps that's more of an intuition for safety. And if it is, but if it is a fear based on emotions, that can be a really good indicator of things that need attention to, for example, Shadow Work, or things that need to be released. Things that need attention in order for you to progress yourself as a mind, body and soul in this one human life that we're experiencing. So fear definitely has a purpose. Well, **Michael Hingson ** 22:36 and if you're afraid of something, like fear of being attacked, and so on, it really is important to spend a little bit of time looking at why do I feel that way? And that's what most of us don't? Do we just live in the fear rather than living in the real cause? Or what can be the real result. We don't look at that. **Lino Martinez ** 23:04 I love what you said that why do I feel this way? This? I mean, not that many people ask themselves a question, as you said, they just live in reaction. **Michael Hingson ** 23:10 Yeah, it's all about reaction, isn't it? It is it really, it really is. And it's it's unfortunately, getting a lot worse. We're getting a lot more reactive and things that we do look at drivers today. I am absolutely ready for the time. Some of your people are going to hate me for it. But I am absolutely ready for the time when we have fully operating and running. Well, autonomous vehicles because I think it's high time to get the hint driving out of the hands of drivers. **Lino Martinez ** 23:37 That's coming soon. coming very soon. Yeah, it's **Michael Hingson ** 23:41 gonna come pretty soon. It'll take a little while yet, but drivers are just not being responsible at all. And I've been in the car with many people who are driving and they complain about people on the road and people who have the road people who just pass them I was in a vehicle going to an airport. And all of a sudden this motorcycle actually, I guess it was only one past past us and the the driver said I cannot believe what just happened. We were in a lane. There was a car next to us. And this motorcycle threaded its way through and the driver said there had to be no more than an inch on either side. But he was in a hurry. And he passed us on he was really moving quickly and pass us I'm going to give me a break. Why? Yeah, **Lino Martinez ** 24:28 the rage. Something anyway, impatient in this. **Michael Hingson ** 24:33 Yeah. And it happens all too often. Well, how did you get into this whole idea of thinking a lot about fear and making that kind of a basic part of what you do and what you think about and what you practice in psychiatry psychology. **Lino Martinez ** 24:51 Well, the reason I got into fear was because of my fear whether or not I was going to live with this genetic disease whether or not I was going to make it and I realized that I had fears, constant fears, fears of the female that I was fears that I wasn't being authentic fears that I had this disease that I was going to die young everything was fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. And every time I overcame an obstacle, AKA a fear, I realized, oh, one less fear, or one less fear, one less fear. And every time there was a less fear I had, I started to gain a momentum of more happiness and more joy, and more in realizing that there actually is a way to succeed in life. And I don't mean a diploma, I mean, to succeed in life into finding growth, personal growth, expansion and opportunity within yourself. **Michael Hingson ** 25:39 And so you, you have made that a mainstay of a lot of the things that you do, needless to say, Oh, **Lino Martinez ** 25:46 yeah. And then even even recently, is going through somewhat of a separation with my girlfriend, we're looking a little separated mode right now. And even in the separation mode, a lot of fears that I wasn't faced with before were coming up, it's been about a month. And these fears that I haven't been faced with ever. Because before, when I separated with somebody, I think maybe the type of separation that I had before I it was just a different period of my life. And in this period of my life, I started to feel, having these emotional fears that I hadn't experienced before such as I'm unlovable or I'm not deserving of love. Or where did these fears coming from? Why am I feeling these things? That's not true. These are untrue. All these fears that we tell ourselves, none of it's true. We're all deserving and we're all worthy of love. So where do these fears come from? So I've been digging into a lot of these fears and how I'm feeling and trying to break through them, get past them, so that I can continue to grow on on the path that I was before the relationship, but it's really posing a lot of obstacles in which I am overcoming because today I can smile. And two days ago, I couldn't. So yeah, it's fears present themselves in many different ways, shapes and forms. **Michael Hingson ** 27:05 How do you work through it? How do you how do you work yourself to get beyond some of those fears? **Lino Martinez ** 27:13 Well, I write a lot. And I think a lot and I meditate a lot. And I write a lot of poetry. And in my poetry, I can give you an example. Poetry really helps me and I can read to one of my poems here. It helps me discover what is inside me, and what I'm fearing and what what it where is there light. So a poem that I wrote last night it says, The dim night lights up with the full moon ready for a fresh start and a new beginning, emerging after a rebirth was necessary. And I still feel the heat of your breath on my skin, the way our love emerged after an Eclipse of the Heart. So when I write it releases, fears, it releases stagnant energy within my body, and I'm able to then see things in a different type of light, and also meditating. I mean, I do spend a lot of alone time I do take a lot of baths. And in this alone time with baths I symptoms, I listened to meditative hertz frequency music to heal myself. And I do self affirmations starting with the I am statements I am love, I am worthy. I am deserving and then moving up from after I am I feel I feel worthy, I feel loving I feel deserving. Moving up from feel you go with I do statements I do believe that I am worthy. I do believe that I am love moving up from I do too I love I love myself I love unconditionally means note when you love unconditionally, Michael, that means that you love with no with no conditions involved meaning that you simply just love for loving, it's because love is not a transaction. So I go with I love my mother I love myself, I love my friends. I love this bathtub. I love right now. After I love I move up to my throat chakra and the throat chakra is the speaking that I speak. And so when I say I speak words of love, I speak words of unconditional love, I speak of worthiness I speak deserving. After that I go to I see I see love all around me, I see happiness all around me I see joy. Then after that I go to understand, I understand I understand that I am deserving. I understand that I am love. I understand that I'm unconditional love. I understand that I can give the same love to everybody else that I give to myself. And so when I when I move up my body with all of these statements, it brings me into an alignment and realizing that I'm okay, I'm okay and I'm going to be okay. **Michael Hingson ** 29:49 And none of that is conceived at any way. I mean, there's nothing wrong with loving yourself and loving other people. As long as If you are truly loving, I mean are plenty of people around who are conceited. I'm the greatest thing in the world. There's a difference in saying I'm the greatest thing in the world and believing it from a philosophical standpoint. Yeah, it's just amazing how, oftentimes we miss some of the very things that you're talking about, which I think is great that you're able to go through that process. And really love and respect yourself and come out the other side better, much better for it. Absolutely, **Lino Martinez ** 30:32 yeah. Because if somebody comes with the, with the attitude of I'm the greatest thing in the world, there is still there's actually some fear attached to that not love. You're saying you're the greatest thing of the world, that means that you aren't any lower than anybody else. And there's somebody saying they're not lower than anybody else, they're already having fear that they could potentially be lower than someone else. And if that were to happen, they wouldn't be the greatest thing in the world. So when it comes from true love, there's no judgment attached to it. When you just say I'm unconditional love, I means I love myself without any conditions. And in doing that, I can see everybody for who they are without any conditions. **Michael Hingson ** 31:07 Right? And that's the real point. Isn't it? Unconditional? Exactly, **Lino Martinez ** 31:12 exactly. Because when it's not unconditional, you're trying to control the situation so that it matches what's going to make you happy. And in that case, it ends up being manipulative. **Michael Hingson ** 31:21 Have you ever read a book called it's a little book, The greatest thing in the world is Love by Henry Drummond? No, but I gotta get this. He's a British philosopher. And he was a, I think he was with a group. And they asked him to talk about I forget how it started, I think they asked him to talk about love. And he, he took a Bible and and he read a couple of lines from Ephesians, and so on. And basically what he did, was lectured for about 15 or 20 minutes, and it got written into this book. And there are other lectures in there as well. But that love is the greatest thing in the world. And there is a lot of evidence to prove that. And the people who truly love and who truly are willing to love are going to be the ones who recognize that first, as long as they live by it. Of course, he talks about God, and that's fine. Because that's all part of it. Because that's where the love originally comes from. **Lino Martinez ** 32:28 Exactly. Yeah. And you know that, that sounds amazing. It sounds like a little book that I'm gonna have to definitely, yeah, I think also right now, you mentioned God, I think that a lot of people steer away from when they hear God because they think that God is a human being rather than an energy, rather than a force of energy. So when I think of God, I think of the universe I think of higher consciousness, I think of all that unites us, because we're all universally connected, and we can all communicate telepathically and we do. And that is where the true essence of God lies, higher consciousness. **Michael Hingson ** 33:05 And we're all part of it. And it is all part of us, God is part of us. And we are we are, we are all part of the same thing. And it's so unfortunate that we, we miss that a lot of organized religion tends to not really teach some of those things. And I went to a church and attended for years. And the pastor said, you know, people are at this church are really great at knowing about spirituality, you've they can intellectually talk about it. But as far as being spiritual as far as really having that true, emotional relationship with God, they don't. I **Lino Martinez ** 33:49 agree with you. And that is because of organized religion that is more of a control factor, rather than rather than free will. **Michael Hingson ** 33:57 Yeah. I hope that that somewhere on the line, we can get beyond some of that. And I think we will. I don't know what it will take Michael. Go ahead. **Lino Martinez ** 34:09 I feel it's headed that way. Yeah, we'll get there. Yeah, because what I've noticed, mostly on social media, actually, well, there's a lot of almost said the word kids, but I'm gonna say kids, because people in there, like it. If I see people in their 20s to eat, I mean, to me, they're very young and but these young minded individuals in their 20s I'm noticing a very spiritual and a lot more spiritual than I was in my 20s. I wasn't spiritual at all. I didn't I wouldn't God, what are you talking about? God, I'm not I'm going to hell, I'm a sinner. These people. Yeah, they're not thinking like this anymore. I'm seeing the evolution happen. And so it's an evolution and it's really beautiful. **Michael Hingson ** 34:49 It is and I think it will continue. I think that people are and young people are going to be leading the way are discovering that there's a whole lot more to The world then all this hatred, and I hope, it won't take overly long for some of those people to get into positions to stop some of the nonsense that we see all around us. I was fortunate my, my father was very spiritually oriented. And we had a lot of conversations about God. When I was growing up, I did some with my mother, but my dad was really the one. And he was a great thinker about a lot of those things. So I was blessed by having someone who encouraged having strong relationships in terms of loving myself, but loving God and recognizing that God is in all of us and what God is. I **Lino Martinez ** 35:42 love that. Yeah, it's really important to have these discussions with with your children definitely helps them open up and feel things differently and expand their mind and not close up their heart or, or their mind **Michael Hingson ** 35:54 what we've talked about a little bit, but maybe you could define a little bit more detail, what really is self loves. Since we know it's not being conceited, and all that stuff. **Lino Martinez ** 36:06 It's a really good question. So self love can look different to everybody. My personal experience, self love came from accepting who I am, and who I've become and who I am becoming. And also comes from forgiveness, forgiving your past forgiving past pains, and learning lessons. And when you can learn the lesson and forgive the pain forgive the past. You gain love, and you gain joy. And self love is also joy. When you find what brings you joy, what makes you laugh, what helps you connect with other people. That's all self love. Self love is also spending time with yourself alone time, or even talking to yourself, doing things that you love to do not what other people love to do, but you yourself, what do you love to do. And also telling yourself, you love yourself. And this can be really difficult, especially if you're having a bad day. And I can tell you because I had many bad days last month after this separation. But I keep at it, Michael, I'll keep at it. And I'll keep telling me so before I go to bed, I love you lino, I love you. And even if I say with tears, or a knot in my throat, I'll still keep adding, I'll keep telling myself because I know that inside I am loved and that God loves me. And if God loves me, why wouldn't I love me. And so it's just a constant reminder, a constant push, that we are made, we're made to love. We're here in this in this life, to love ourselves, and to give the same love to others. So self love can look as as beautiful as learning how to grow within, as even eating something that you love, or even learning something new, a new activity, doing something healthy for yourself. Even the people that you hang out with, who are you hanging out with self love looks like hanging out with people, that increases your peace. If people are not bringing you peace, it's probably time to move around, move that energy around, refocus on who brings you peace and what's going to bring you peace. And when you start bringing peace to yourself, peace will start navigating towards you naturally. **Michael Hingson ** 38:13 I liked the way you you put that and that you talked about peace because we we oftentimes go down these rabbit holes and we don't come back to wait, what's going on? I'm not feeling peace. I'm not feeling confident, or I'm not feeling certain. Why is that? And going back to recognizing what it was like yesterday when I did feel all of those things. I **Lino Martinez ** 38:39 love how you said that. Again, asking yourself these questions is so important to be asking yourself these questions because you will get an answer a lot. Oh, you don't. And then there you go. And you know what, Michael? That's self love right there. Self love is asking yourself questions. Start a relationship with yourself, I can tell the audience's if you have not done this yourself, and you don't know where to start. You can start by having conversations with yourself sitting in a quiet space and seeing what comes through the what kind of answers comes to your mind when you ask yourself these questions. That's spending time with yourself quality time with yourself. And that's self love as well. **Michael Hingson ** 39:11 I love to tell people that. You know why. As I mentioned earlier, my wife passed this past November after 40 years of marriage. And as I tell people if I misbehave I know I'm going to hear about it. So I have to stay on the straight and narrow you know, leave it for two years and marriage is a great thing and I still value everything that we had and as far as I am concerned really do have. So I know that if I misbehave in some horrible way I'm gonna hear about it somewhere along the line. I'm sure you will. That's all I need. So you know, I'm not going to say I'm living in fear because of it. But, you know, it's it really is love because I know what we had and why we had it. and maintaining that mindset is really so important. **Lino Martinez ** 40:04 It really is my thank you for sharing. So **Michael Hingson ** 40:06 you talked about people talking with themselves and really interacting with themselves. What other advice can you give to help someone who maybe wants to start really learning more about themselves. **Lino Martinez ** 40:23 If somebody wants to learn more about themselves and doesn't know how to start, where to start, I do I do recommend journaling. And I know it sounds cliche, but it's it helps so many people helps millions, billions of people to journal even if you're not a good writer, you don't have to be a good writer. If you're you can even speak it in your notes. You don't have to write you could just speak it in in your phone and just kind of keep a memorandum is that the right word? memorandum? That's fine. Sure it works of of your personal journey and start asking yourself questions, start giving yourself the opportunities to for different choices and things in your life. What have you been interested in your life that you haven't done yet? Well, you know what, I really, I want to take this road trip here. I've never done that before. Okay, well, let's, let's put this let's write this down. Let's talk about this. What is this road trip feel like? Well, what would it signify for me, oh, that I stepped out of my comfort zone, that I was able to be exploratory that I was able to see different a different path and meet new people. And perhaps maybe even now, I want to move to a different city, because I travel I mean, there's just so much expansion when you start coming up with these ideas within yourself. And so I would first start with journaling, because so much comes out of it. When you start to journal and talk to yourself and ask yourself questions and come up with these ideas. Creativity will be your guide, creativity will be your North Star, your navigation tool. And we all have an inner navigation star, we all have this north star within us. And it wants us it wants to navigate us, we just have to ask, we have to ask it's as easy as asking. **Michael Hingson ** 41:52 Well, and I think that the whole issue of journaling also means go back and read it. And and think about what what you've written to. **Lino Martinez ** 42:07 Exactly. I've left myself a lot of memo notes as well. voice notes, and I'll go back and and listen to this Oh, today, I wanted to do well. But you know what, actually, Michael, what I did last night, I was cleaning out my office. And I found some notes of some things that I wanted to accomplish this year. And that's another thing that I can recommend for people as well getting to know yourself and getting to know what you want to do. Give yourself some and you know, I try not to say the word goals, because there tends to be a lot of negativity with gold, what if you don't reach your goal, there might be some fear in that. So rather than reaching a goal, just write yourself stuff that you want to do and make it sound that easy stuff that I want to do. And if you don't do it, that's fine, because it's just stuff. But either way, if you get the stuff done, and you can go back and reflect and say, Hey, I did that stuff. It felt great. And so I was able to go back and say, Wow, so far, it's been six months into the year and I've done this stuff. And so far, I feel great that I've done this stuff, or that I completed this task. And so yeah, make it fun, have fun with it. **Michael Hingson ** 43:06 The other side of it. And the other aspect that's worth considering is you took some notes, you wanted to do this stuff. And you look at them in six months, you didn't do some stuff is also scared to go. Why didn't I do that stuff? **Lino Martinez ** 43:22 Yeah, right. Yes. **Michael Hingson ** 43:25 And it doesn't necessarily have as you said, I mean, it's a bad thing that you didn't, but why didn't you? Were you afraid? Or was there really something else that came up, that was a more important bunch of stuff to do, which is also just as Okay, now, I understand the whole concept of the issues with goals. So just writing down direction and writing down ideas that you want to do is fine goals, that there there's a place for goals and things that you have to do. But a lot of things aren't goals. And so it is it is a fair thing to then say, why didn't I do that? **Lino Martinez ** 44:01 You know why like that as well. Because why didn't I do that can lead you all kinds of different directions? It could You could even say, Hey, I never really even wanted to do that. I didn't really want to do that, I guess. And you can even figure out if that's something that you want to revisit and whether or not you want to try it again or just let it go. **Michael Hingson ** 44:18 Try it gives you a discussion point, which is what it's really all about, is I think really the issue, right? So there's nothing there's nothing wrong with discussing and you can talk to yourself. And as you said you will get answers. Yeah, that's the other part about it. I think and it goes back to talking about God. You know, we talk about prayer a lot. Churches talk about prayer a lot. But the reality is God knows what we want. It isn't so much that we have to tell God what we want, because God knows, but verbalizing it or putting it in some form for us. The other aspect of that is listening I'm looking for the response. And it may not come exactly what in the way that we think or how we think. But we should be looking for a response. And I say pretty much invariably, we'll get the response somewhere. **Lino Martinez ** 45:15 The response definitely comes to us. And if and one thing that I've learned too, is to not obsess over getting an answer, right, when you start to obsess over getting an answer, you create a resistance. And resistance holds up a lot of energy in your space. And when this resistance is holding up a lot of filling up your space with with tangled energy, you're disallowing what's supposed to come to you naturally. And so part of this is releasing a lot of a lot of resistance. And that that can be challenging as well. **Michael Hingson ** 45:47 There is something to the old adage of watched pot never boils. Just Just sing. So I've learned that when I turned my tea kettle on in the morning, don't stand there and wait for it to boil, go do other things. And when it boils, you'll hear **Lino Martinez ** 46:07 yes, absolutely. I love that. But **Michael Hingson ** 46:11 there is something to be said for that. What is really is **Lino Martinez ** 46:15 what a struggle taught you. struggle has taught me has taught me a lot, Michael. So when I was struggling and come again, I mean, I'm still in some struggle, struggling in some certain emotional parts of my life right now. And because just what I'm kind of just overcoming right now. But the struggle for me, when I did think of struggling before was me struggling physically in pain. But one thing that I learned and this is because I practice Buddhism for for about five years, and our monk taught us that just because you're struggling or because you're suffering, it doesn't mean you have to be in pain. And when I when when he said that it really struck a beautiful chord within me. And it made me realize that hey, you know what, that's my body is suffering, I am in pain, I do feel this, but but I don't have to be in pain overall. Overall, I can think happy thoughts. Overall, there's connection all around me. Overall, if I sit here within my with my true self, my inner being, I'm okay. And I'm going to be okay. And when you start to see and the the the eyes of seeing it, when you start to look at pain as an opportunity to transform pain into wisdom and love, you start to see that anything can be transformed. And so that is really what I learned with struggles struggle with struggling with a lot of pain and realizing that pain can be transformed, because pain is just energy. And all energy be can be transformed. And energy is not either positive or negative. It's neutral. And so if I can transform it into something beautiful, wise and into love, why not choose the latter? **Michael Hingson ** 47:56 Yeah. There's, there's no reason not to do that. You know, there's there's physical pain. And of course, as doctors and others tell us, pain is a warning, there's a message about something with your body. But even that is a subset of the more general spiritual or emotional pain that we do have the ability to deal with. **Lino Martinez ** 48:21 Right? Absolutely. **Michael Hingson ** 48:22 Which is so cool. Well, you've talked about the fact that you value silence and so on what is silence taught you. **Lino Martinez ** 48:32 So my value from being silent, came from when I lost my voice for almost three years. And at first, it was very difficult. But I accepted that there was there was a chance that I would never speak again. And when I accepted that, I started to go inward more and see more of within my own life, my own personality, my own wants and desires. And that's really where the beauty started to blossom. It's almost as if my higher self said, Hey, I'm going to shut you up and you're going to be completely silent in order for you to go inside, within and really find the beauty within yourself. And once that silent really taught me to calm down, ease anxiety, be patient, and just allow things to unfold naturally. And that's what silence teaches me even now when I am in silence, learn to appreciate the moment the solitude and allow the universe to naturally show you and unfold things for you because everything's happening in a synchronistic manner. **Michael Hingson ** 49:39 So you've been going through the whole business of having a relationship and it's kind of stopped for a while and I don't know whether that's that's permanent or not. But what what have you learned from that and also having silence again in your life like that? **Lino Martinez ** 49:56 That's a beautiful, beautiful question. Honest See, I really feel that I'm meant to be with this woman. And what for whatever reasons whether it's trauma, whether it's insecurities that caused us to be in this non-communicative. I guess the buzzword is ghost being ghosted. But I do feel that we have a really strong spiritual connection and that what we had was was very authentic. It was very soulful, spiritual, very loving, and whatever the separation means right now, at the moment, I can tell you right now that it means growth. Because I have grown so much in this last month going inward and going silent, I have meditated more than I ever have. I've taken more walks than I ever have. I've taken more baths by myself listening to meditative music than I ever have. And I was able to, in this just last month, really ask myself, where my fears were stemming from what if I never hear from her again? What does that mean? And again, asking those questions, Michael, what does that mean, right away, the fear will start to start to show up that I'm unlovable or I'm undeserving, but none of that's true. But when did this support this originate? You don't where it originated, and that I realized is growing up with alcoholic family. And growing up with an alcoholic family, parents are not usually present when that happens when when they're drunk. So as a kid, I didn't really fully have present parents emotionally. And so when somebody ghosts me, it started to remind me of my childhood when family members would ignore me because they were busy hitting the bottle rather than paying attention to their kid. And I started to realize this isn't the same situation. And this isn't true. And so in going that, I constantly have to rewind and say, and rewire my brain, and even go back to that timeline, and forgive myself for my survival skills that I that I had to go through in order to survive emotionally, and mentally as a little kid, and really gravitate towards learning how to feel safe within myself and not receiving the love that I needed as a little kid. But I so I mean, I've learned so much. And I wouldn't have been able to admit this even just two months ago, because I wasn't aware of it. So going silent in her goes to me, which is silence. And also me go see an officer and also me going silent with myself, I'm able to go inward and realize what needs healing. Because should I get back into this relationship? Or should I go into another relationship? I now know what needs attention and what needs work? And what what? What part of my body and mind, body and soul needs more love? **Michael Hingson ** 52:35 Well, and if you really feel you have that deep of a spiritual relationship with her, do you reach back out to her or what happens? And **Lino Martinez ** 52:43 that's a great question. I was reaching out with her. Yeah, I was I the reason why. And the reason why we broke up, she literally told me that she cannot give me the same love that I give her in return. But then I started realizing that she could only be friends. And this was literally a month ago. But when that happened, I felt I felt a few things. And this all in all of this was solved all these answers came again from being alone. And this is why I want listeners listening to this. Whoever is going through a breakup. Don't be afraid to go inward. When you go inward and ask yourself questions, ask yourself a million questions, you will get answers. And as much as it hurts, you're gonna plow through it, and you're gonna have incredible self discovery. So my self discovery, I realized, we're, we're all mirrors of each other. There are things aspects about you, Michael, that I have in common with, there's aspects about anybody that I come in contact with, that I have in common with, we're all mirrors of each other. And so when she felt that she couldn't give me the love, and I'm I can't speak for her because I'm not her, but I feel I can feel and what I felt at the moment as well, when she said that, and and she left I felt at that moment, Well, geez, that must mean that I'm undeserving, and I'm unloving. And then I realized, but wait, she's the one saying that by saying she can't give me the same love that I that I give in return. That message is the same message. She's saying I'm undeserving, I'm unloving, and therefore, I can't give you that much love. But I'm also feeling the same way. And so and I started to reach out to her shortly after the breakup within within a week, and it was text messaging, how are you and she was responsive. And I must have text within the last month, maybe about four or five times when she did respond. However, I finally realized two weeks ago, you know what, it's time for her to reach out to me, because at this point, it's not self love anymore. At this point, when you start filling up someone else's cup and pushing them to communicate, you're taking love away from yourself. And so I needed to go back and fill my own cup and because it was bringing me down, why is it me reaching out? Why am I always the one reaching out? Well, you know what, I also need to give her the benefit of the doubt that she's also growing and that she's learning and that she's going to get stronger and that she does have the ability and the capability to reach out to me and communicate. I'm not going to give her I'm not going to doubt her growth is either and so I'm giving her the opportunity to come to me when she's ready. And because I have no doubt in the love that we've experienced together, we didn't have a toxic relationship. There were simple traumas. And whenever there's trauma versus toxicity, you can work through traumas, you can learn to love each other, and through love, grow and expand and understand where there needs more attention. **Michael Hingson ** 55:19 Yeah. And the reality is, of course, that the love that she gives you is different than the love that you give her anyway, because you're two different beings. And then that's a matter of figuring out how to blend those. And clearly, that's part of what you're hoping that she will work on an hour, or come to realize, and then you'll be able to get back together. **Lino Martinez ** 55:42 Absolutely. Michael, and I'm not going to deny that there's been thoughts recently Oh, it's been two weeks since I reached out should I reach out but there's there's this nagging voice inside me that says allow her, give her she she is strong enough, because in me doing so there's a lot of things that I'm that I'm not allowing, I'm gonna allow a not allowing her to grow. If I come in and keep and keep kind of like intruding into these unspoken energetic boundaries. And in doing that, it's also manipulative in a way even though it's not intended to be that way. It's hang on a minute, I'm feeling bad. I'm feeling sad. Let me get a hold of you. I miss you. Rather than you know, what, how about I trust the situation and trust that we're both growing and that there's still love within our distance? Yeah. **Michael Hingson ** 56:26 And hopefully it works out, you'll you'll figure it out. I have no doubt about that. And the right solution will come along whatever it happens to be. **Lino Martinez ** 56:35 I believe that, Michael, thank you. **Michael Hingson ** 56:37 What other advice might you have for anyone else who may be suffering or feeling challenged in one way or another? **Lino Martinez ** 56:45 It's such a good question. Because so many, I mean, everybody, there's so many so much suffering going on going on in this world. Yeah, **Michael Hingson ** 56:51 don't watch the news. I know. But **Lino Martinez ** 56:57 you know, pay attention to, to your feelings. Because all your feelings are messages. And as negative as it can feel, and is in as daunting as it could be. It can always be turned into something beautiful, even grief, even in the grief of losing someone, there's always beauty in grief. And when you can turn pain and sorrow into beauty. That's where all the magic starts to happen. And don't give up. There's no reason to give up. There's, there's also people need to understand that there's no failure. At all, there's only clarifying things in this world, you can't fail, there's only things that are constantly showing you clarification. And also Success is not final. And also failure is not fatal. So as long as you know that Success is not final, you're going to always be striving for to do something else or feel something else. And that's okay. There's a flexibility of flow of life and ebb and flow. And just like the ocean waves, they come back and they back and forth. We're the same way the same, that same beauty that Earth possess we possess within ourselves. **Michael Hingson ** 58:08 I think it was in the Henry Drummond book that I mentioned one of his lectures, he talked about the fact that teachers can teach a lot of things, but really the only person who can teach you is you. You're your own real teacher, everything else is information or concepts, but you have to teach it to yourself. And that has taught me to learn to realize that, in fact, I am my own best teacher, I have now learned not to say I'm my own worst critic anymore. I always said, I didn't. And I don't journal a lot as such. But whenever I give a speech, I reply to record it. And then I can go back and listen to it and improve. And I've realized that it's not being my own worst critic. It's my faith and my recognition that I'm my own best teacher, I get to listen to it, and hear what happened. And I can go on thinking, could I have done that better? Was it as good as it could be? Or how can I make the best part even better? And that's only something that I can do. No one else can do it. So I am a firm believer and I my own best teacher. **Lino Martinez ** 59:14 I totally agree with you. I love I said that. How can I make the best better? **Michael Hingson ** 59:19 Yeah, I love it. And maybe the answer is it's as good as it can possibly be. But it's okay to ask yourself. Yeah, absolutely. Which is what it's really about. Well, this has been fun. But if people want to reach out to you, and learn more from you, I don't know whether in the things that you do. Do you work virtually or just in person? **Lino Martinez ** 59:43 Do I work virtually **Michael Hingson ** 59:45 doing you've got a doctorate in psychology do you do and do you have any kind of practice or do you coach or teach people? **Lino Martinez ** 59:50 Yeah, actually, I'm a professor in psychology and there you go. This fall I'm teaching. It's called psychodynamic theory. And so I'm not teaching right now in the fall. I mean, I'm sorry, in the summertime, we actually did teach the summer but summer session ended a month ago. So

god love fear california success children chicago earth bible los angeles moving british new york times heart psychology creativity oregon hospitals ephesians advocates blind poetry ambassadors thunder stitcher ebooks churches unstoppable martinez aka buddhism eclipse doctorate www lovely motor gmail north star deaf rutgers university pasadena world trade center reached clinical psychology shadow work unconditional psy american red cross lino existentialism national federation professional psychology chicago school little less east los angeles exxon mobile chief vision officer federal express scripps college physiologically michael hingson less fear cal state san bernardino accessibe american humane association thunder dog henry drummond physiol hero dog awards

Episode 182 – Unstoppable Executive Performance Coach with Elizabeth Louis

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 24, 2023 0:55

I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to meet so many interesting people who come from such a large and diverse background. Today we get to spend time with Elizabeth Louis. For much of her adult life, Elizabeth worked in the television and entertainment industry. What she didn't realize until later was that her talents really came from coaching people. She did it as a child, and finally in 2016 she began to do it as a career by leaving all the politics and entertainment infighting behind. Elizabeth and I have a wide-ranging conversation talking about everything from pessimism to optimism, why we all behave as we do and we talk about things like Trust and Teamwork. I think you will find Elizabeth's comments and observations to be quite poignant and relevant to life today. About the Guest: Elizabeth Louis is an executive performance coach who guides high performers, STEM executives, top athletes, and driven entrepreneurs who want to increase their impact, influence, and income. Her work lies at the intersection of neuroscience and the psychology of high performance: She is a trained therapist with graduate degrees in Positive Psychology and education in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, and a decade of experience coaching top executives. Through her 1:1 coaching for hundreds of clients, she creates personalized programs to help leaders eliminate the limiting mindsets holding them back — and upgrade their identities by leveraging the power of neuroplasticity, new thought patterns, effective communication, and influential leadership by creating psychological safety for teams. For Elizabeth, the ultimate goal is both the tangible and the intangible. Her evidence-based approaches lead to business results backed by data, and the permanent changes are priceless: a champion mindset that creates meaning in your life and in the lives of others. Ways to connect with Alexandra: Website: ElizabethLouis.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ElizabethLouisCoaching Instagram: instagram.com/elizabethlouiscoaching Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ElizabethLouis Linkedin personal profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louiselizabeth/ Call to action: What thinking trap is limiting your performance? elizabethlouis.com/thinkingtrapquiz About the Host: Michael Hingson is a New York Times best-selling author, international lecturer, and Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe. Michael, blind since birth, survived the 9/11 attacks with the help of his guide dog Roselle. This story is the subject of his best-selling book, Thunder Dog. Michael gives over 100 presentations around the world each year speaking to influential groups such as Exxon Mobile, AT&T, Federal Express, Scripps College, Rutgers University, Children's Hospital, and the American Red Cross just to name a few. He is Ambassador for the National Braille Literacy Campaign for the National Federation of the Blind and also serves as Ambassador for the American Humane Association's 2012 Hero Dog Awards. https://michaelhingson.com https://www.facebook.com/michael.hingson.author.speaker/ https://twitter.com/mhingson https://www.youtube.com/user/mhingson https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhingson/ accessiBe Links https://accessibe.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/accessiBe https://www.linkedin.com/company/accessibe/mycompany/ https://www.facebook.com/accessibe/ Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts. Transcription Notes Michael Hingson ** 00:00 Access Cast and accessiBe Initiative presents Unstoppable Mindset. The podcast where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Hi, I'm Michael Hingson, Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe and the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, Thunder dog, the story of a blind man, his guide dog and the triumph of trust. Thanks for joining me on my podcast as we explore our own blinding fears of inclusion unacceptance and our resistance to change. We will discover the idea that no matter the situation, or the people we encounter, our own fears, and prejudices often are our strongest barriers to moving forward. The unstoppable mindset podcast is sponsored by accessiBe, that's a c c e s s i capital B e. Visit www.accessibe.com to learn how you can make your website accessible for persons with disabilities. And to help make the internet fully inclusive by the year 2025. Glad you dropped by we're happy to meet you and to have you here with us. Michael Hingson ** 01:21 Well, Hi, and welcome to an episode of unstoppable mindset. Today, we get to introduce to you and get to chat with an executive coach. She says she's an executive performance coach, and she deals with a lot of people from athletes to high performers in a variety of environments. And I'm gonna really be interested to hear about all that. But that comes later. Now we got to start by saying hi to Elizabeth, and we really appreciate you being here. And welcome to unstoppable mindset. Elizabeth Louis ** 01:53 Thank you so much, Michael. I am so excited to be here. Michael Hingson ** 01:56 Well, we're we're glad you're here. Now. Where are you located? Elizabeth Louis ** 02:00 I'm in Virginia. Michael Hingson ** 02:04 So is it hot? Elizabeth Louis ** 02:06 Oh, gosh, yes. It's like a light switch flipped and all of a sudden the humidity came. But it was it was a we didn't get that humidity until later. Which you know, you gotta take the winds. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 02:16 Well, for people who want to know, this is the summertime for all of us when we're recording this. And right now, here. It's 97 degrees in Southern California on the high desert. And it's about 11:34am. So we're gonna get to 100. Today once again, but we don't have the humidity that you do. Elizabeth Louis ** 02:37 Know. And but you're actually hotter than we are right now. Because it's only 90 degrees here. But Elizabeth Louis ** 02:44 the humidity only 45%. humid. Wow. For outside, though, so maybe you guys have it worse right now. Michael Hingson ** 02:56 I don't I don't I've got an air conditioner. So I'm fine. Yes, we'll live with that. Well, I'm really glad you're here. Looking forward to learning all about being an executive performer, coach and all that. But why don't we start with the early Elizabeth, you growing up? And tell us about you? And what where you came from why you do what you do? Or anything else that you want to say? Elizabeth Louis ** 03:21 Oh, yeah, so I got into this by accident. Actually, I have about I don't know, 10 or 15 years and Television and Film Producing. I know right big twist or big shift to psychology. But long story short, I had a rough childhood, like a lot of people out there. And I was mentally tortured, and I wanted to be mentally free. And I ended up being diagnosed with complex PTSD when I was 26. And there was not a single therapist that I ran into that could help me get transformation. They just wanted me to cope. And I didn't believe in coping, I believe mental freedom was possible. And so long story short, I got my first master's in positive psychology with a subspecialty in coaching psychology to see if I could fix myself and that's where I fell in love with neuroscience and neurobiology and neuro psychology especially. And I ended up getting mental freedom and then I just was good at it. The rest became history Michael Hingson ** 04:19 without kind of going into a lot of detail when you say mentally tortured. What does that mean? Yeah, Elizabeth Louis ** 04:23 that's a great question. I so my childhood was rough. My brother tried killing me my whole childhood. I didn't know that was like, not normal until a few years ago to be completely honest. And so I just I was very hyper vigilant. I was very stressed. I was very just always on edge ready to freak out or feel like I was being attacked and I just felt so stressed and anxious all the time. And I just wanted healing from it. I also had a handful of experiences of where I was sexually abused by professionals in the medical world. And I just wanting healing and peace to come into my soul in my mind, if that makes sense. Yeah, Michael Hingson ** 05:04 I understand. Well, that's really kind of sad. Did he ever get over doing that or wanting to do that? Elizabeth Louis ** 05:10 Yes, he did. Thankfully, thank the Lord, right. He's actually not that type of person anymore. And he and I are working on our relationship. So I forgive him. I'm actually grateful because it's helped me become such a strong and mentally tough person, which has helped me excel in my career. Michael Hingson ** 05:28 Yeah. And you've you, you've, well, you sound normal, whatever that means. Right? I had to say that. For a psychologist. I had to say that. Weird Elizabeth Louis ** 05:39 though normal is boring. Michael Hingson ** 05:43 Well, you sound like you have your head on straight then. Yes, I did it. And we could do we could do that. So did you grow up in Virginia, where you are now? Or where are you from? Originally? Elizabeth Louis ** 05:54 I did grew up in Virginia. And then I moved to Atlanta, and then Africa, and then back to Virginia. That's kind of Yeah, Michael Hingson ** 06:02 what took you to Africa? Well, Elizabeth Louis ** 06:04 um, my background is in television producing. And so I had the privilege of doing a wildlife documentary, documentary internship. And so I lived on a game reserve for about 40 days, and it was absolutely incredible. Michael Hingson ** 06:20 Did you have any up close and personal conversation with lions? Elizabeth Louis ** 06:23 Oh, my God. It's funny. You say that, because I actually almost got attacked by a lion. It's kind of a funny story. I was, I think 2425 And I was on top of the Land Rover filming the lions. And there were cubs and cubs can be very curious. Yeah. And the cub was about to jump on the hood of the Land Rover, and I'm on the roof of the Land Rover. And all of a sudden in the background, you see mommy just booking it. And so we don't worry about the cub. We worry about mama, mama lion. And at that moment, the Ranger screamed at me Liz freeze. And the funny part is I got the worst charley horse in my hip. And that moment, and I was like, great. 24 I'm gonna die. Luckily, the we use you carry pepper spray with you when you're, and we wafted it towards them. And so that caused them to shift but had I lived? It would have been really cool to be like, Look, my lion scar. Just totally Trump's your SharkBite. Michael Hingson ** 07:20 Yeah. Well, but still who wants to deal with the pain if you don't have to? Elizabeth Louis ** 07:27 Exactly, especially in a second world? Country? Michael Hingson ** 07:31 And what was the lion Mata you was the cub who was curious, but that's the way lions are. Elizabeth Louis ** 07:36 Mama lions are very protective male lions don't do a lot that look look scary. Michael Hingson ** 07:41 Yeah, they're not. It's fair. So what other kinds of things did you do while doing television producing and so on? Elizabeth Louis ** 07:50 Well, I did on a range of things. I mean, I've worked with Turner entertainment B et. I did a lot of freelance stuff, working on small independent projects. I have done stuff in front of the camera behind the camera. I really liked line producing at the time, but then it just got very political and I don't know I think television shows today are more dark than they've ever been. And I'm okay to not be in it anymore. Michael Hingson ** 08:19 Yeah, it gets a little bit tiring to be involved in dark i I must admit, I like a lot of the older television shows even the the the ones that are more serious than the drag that's in Perry Mason's and other things of the world. But I like mash and Happy Days and other things like that. And the Twilight Zone, they're just not as dark at all is a lot of what we see today. I would Elizabeth Louis ** 08:43 agree. And the older stuff actually has a plot nowadays, it's just action. And I'm like, this made no sense. And this is so unrealistic. Michael Hingson ** 08:53 The the exceptions that you can make an excuse for things like we just went to see Indiana Jones and the dial of destiny. Oh, and there are inconsistencies like in one scene. One of the good guys ends up underwater and gets out of some handcuffs, his flashlight dies. But the next day, he's got a flashlight again, and you're going where did that come from? But that's what makes that kind of movie fun. It's just an action fun film. Not dark at all. In a lot of senses. It's just good entertainment. It was a lot of fun. Awesome. Elizabeth Louis ** 09:29 Yeah, it's nice to hear that. That stuff is coming back out. Because for a while there, it was just like oh my, Michael Hingson ** 09:37 my niece and I went to see it. And I kept saying to her during and then after the movie, I kept saying, gee, I wish they have a little action in this movie. I mean, there was a chase scene every 10th of a second. It was great. It was fun. But but you know, we need some of that to get away from a lot of things. And it seems to me that all All too often people take life so seriously. And they worry about all sorts of things over which they don't have any influence or control, but they still worry about them anyway. Right? So true. So how did you and when did you get into coaching? Elizabeth Louis ** 10:15 Um, it was a fluke, to be honest. So I went to graduate school to get my degree in positive psychology with a subspecialty and coaching psychology. And before I even graduated, I was naturally gifted at it, I guess you could say, and my professors started giving me their overflow of clientele. And I started pretty early on professionally at least, I will say, I realized I started doing this when I was eight years old, not knowing I was doing it because I was the therapist of the family. I kind of my because my dad died when I was seven. So my mom was stuck to raise with this rebellious child herself. And so a lot of times she would confide in me and students at school would confide in me, but professionally, it was in 2016 2015, when my professors were giving me their overflow. And it turned out I was just really good at getting people transformation quickly. And at that neurological level, which allows for permanency because that's high performers want everything done, like you know, three years ago. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 11:18 Yeah. And get it done. Now, instant gratification, which doesn't always work either. No, Elizabeth Louis ** 11:24 it doesn't. And at the end of the day, rarely it does. But there's things you can do to suffocate neurons and develop neurons. Michael Hingson ** 11:34 Things like, Elizabeth Louis ** 11:36 well, it kind of depends on the situation. Like, for instance, if you struggle with PTSD, there is a technique that you can do, it's a visualization technique, which is, every time you have that, that that that hurtful memory, I guess we could say reappear in your mind's eye, if you ahead of time are really familiar with that area, you constantly take a step back in your mind's eye, and the less you feed it, the more that neurons will suffocate in a different situation. Like let's say you're trying to create new synaptic nerve connections. This is where neuroplasticity at its finest works. And so you want to change your language, you want to change the way you talk about things, you want to really upgrade your identity. And then it's walking and crew and thinking in that identity. It's a lot like dress for the job you want. But it's thinking, speaking and seeing that mentality. For instance, I at one point, had some health issues. And I didn't want to have the health issues. And I went through this program that helps retrain your brain. And this is when I was got really obsessed with neuroscience. And one of the big fundamentals in getting out of sickness, if you will, is not talking about it, because the more you talk about it, the more you actually strengthen that normalcy. And we have proven in neuroscience that 98 to 75% of all mental and physical illnesses are due to your thoughts and your thinking, which means two to 25% is due to your genetics and environment. So there's a lot to say about the power of the mind and how it operates. Michael Hingson ** 13:06 Yeah, the mind is a very powerful and complex thing. Although I also think that if we would stop and think more about what we do, in our mind, we could probably learn a whole lot more about ourselves than we tend to do. Oh Elizabeth Louis ** 13:23 my gosh, Michael, I love you. Yes. And you know, really what you're saying there is people with a prefrontal cortex are amazing. But most people are living in their limbic system. It's it's like when you call in for so many are like, Can you Can I speak to someone with a brain and not just the automated answers you've been told to give me. But you know, we are, you know, the brain develops back to front. And so unfortunately, not a lot of people are taught how to think anymore. Michael Hingson ** 13:49 No, and and I'm sure there was a lot of that that has always gone on. But certainly nowadays, I think that people are much less, not really encouraged to think we're not encouraged to be curious, which is so disappointing. It Elizabeth Louis ** 14:05 really is. I think curiosity is really a skill that can empower you to do so much. Michael Hingson ** 14:14 Well, it certainly can. And one of my favorite books is a book by Richard Fineman, the physicist is entitled surely you're joking Mr. Fineman adventures of a curious fellow in the first chapter. He talks about being curious, he said his father always encouraged him to be curious, like they were out in a park or something and there was a bird flying and his father said, why is that bird flying? You know, and just really encouraged and of course for a good physicist, a theoretical physicists but not just physicists, I think for anyone. Yeah, Curiosity is such an important thing. why things are as they are, how, how can they possibly be better or or what, what do I need to do from for me and for the world that will make it better. And being curious about stuff is just something we so strongly discourage. I remember once being in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. And typically, art museums don't really do a lot for me, because everything's behind glass. But my wife and I were there and there was a statue up on a pedestal. And she said, it's a really tall pedestal, and I reached up and I could touch the top of the pedestal and the toe of this woman's foot. And this guard shoots over don't touch that you can't touch that. Well, the reality is that, how am I going to know anything about it, and he had no sympathy or understanding, when in reality, there should be no reason why at least, people who can't see sculptures and other things ought not to be able to feel them. They can create procedures in museums and so on to allow for that. But they don't, because they operate under different principles like arts made to be seen. Well, it's not just me to be seen sports fans. Exactly. Well said, you know, and we really don't tend to encourage curiosity, my father and my mother did. My dad, especially I think, because my mom didn't think about as much she, I won't say, took me for granted in a negative way. Not at all. Both of them didn't care that I happened to be growing up blind. The doctors told them early on that I should be put away in a home for handicapped children, because no blind child could ever go up to mount anything. And my parents said nuts to that. And so they that never was an issue. They didn't deal with me in a in a negative way. I can't say that they didn't deal with me in a different way. Because there are things that you're going to do differently. I learned braille instead of reading print. Right. But my dad especially encouraged curiosity. And I thought that was great. Yeah, Elizabeth Louis ** 17:00 I think that's great, too. I'm someone that was naturally curious, like I'm most Social Learner, which means you deserve to learn at the end of the day, in your physicists example is perfect. Because as a as a psychologist, I'm constantly asking those questions, right? Especially when it comes to language. Like, why is that person using that word out of all the words that they could use? Or what does that word mean? Or what would it look like? Like this? Like, I can get to a point where it's like, I don't know if you ever saw Toy Story five, but I feel like I'm 40 sometimes where I'm just like, Oh, me, I could go into such a bunny trails. Michael Hingson ** 17:38 Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with that. Shouldn't be, but unfortunately, all too often. We seem to think that it isn't the right thing to do. Well, it's exactly the right thing to do. Well, if I were an alien up in space, looking down at Earth, I wouldn't want to come here, given the way people behave. If they're at all peaceful, they would, would really encourage curiosity. But you know, Elizabeth Louis ** 18:00 that's Yeah, well, you know, Curiosity is huge and empathy, too. It's really hard to be empathetic if you can't be curious. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 18:11 Yeah, it's, it's important to be able to do that. Yes, Elizabeth Louis ** 18:14 I mean, so important. And unfortunately, America has become more self absorbed and more AI centric. And that is a big downfall and curiosity because it just makes you consumed with yourself and not your community. Michael Hingson ** 18:26 What do you think it's that way? Why is that happening? Elizabeth Louis ** 18:30 Great question. Hi. I mean, I think a big part is social media. When I lived in South Africa, I will say I really saw the influence of Hollywood at a very different angle. And so I think we are just, I mean, we'll also Anglo Saxons. I mean, if you if you trace it back to all the way to when we came when the English came here, that was one of the reasons why they wanted to come here was that independence and Anglo Saxons have always preached it's Ay ay ay and not really a oui oui, oui, now it's shifted drastically, I'd argue from when they first came. It's gotten greater than the I'm mentality. Michael Hingson ** 19:08 Yeah, we have forgotten what teamwork is really all about so much. Elizabeth Louis ** 19:13 Yeah. And you really see that in corporations. Michael Hingson ** 19:17 I've heard of corporations, large corporations without mentioning any names where, at the end of the day, when a team does something great, who gets rewarded, who gets recognized the team leader, not necessarily the whole team, which is so unfortunate because the team leader is usually made to look good by the rest of the people on the team. And the reality is it should be a team effort. Elizabeth Louis ** 19:40 Agreed. I totally agree. And I think this is also why so many corporations are struggling to keep competent individuals. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 19:50 They forget what team is all about. I mean, there's so much truth to the idea that there is no I in team. It Elizabeth Louis ** 19:57 really is. It really is. I mean, Who knows what the next 30 years will bring? Michael Hingson ** 20:04 Well, the other side of it is that I tend to be pretty optimistic and believe that in the long run, things will work themselves out. And I don't know what it is necessarily going to take to make that happen. But I've got to believe that we can, we can learn and we can grow, and we can get better. Absolutely. Elizabeth Louis ** 20:22 And I think you're going to see, I would agree with that. And I think we're going to see those who are more humble, and considerate and we focused are going to be the ones that will probably propel forward because people People want to feel included. I mean, it's in our wiring to have a community and to love our community and care for our community. We aren't wired to be isolated. Michael Hingson ** 20:47 How do we get back to that, though? Or how do we move forward to that? Elizabeth Louis ** 20:52 I think humility is going to be the biggest thing, right? But you have to desire that and you can't force someone to want to get help if they don't want help. But you can love people, even the most toxic people. Michael Hingson ** 21:03 Right? But I think humility, or adopting a humble attitude is certainly something that makes a lot of sense. That's a very good point. Because again, all too often it's just I and me and not recognizing the the fact that it's us. Yeah, Elizabeth Louis ** 21:21 I mean, because if you think about it, like we are, if you like it or not, we are connected. And it's healthier to be interdependent versus codependent, or self dependent. And like if you decide intentionally or not intentionally to get in a car accident, you impact everyone around you. And so you have to remember and that's that power of mindfulness. And mindfulness requires curiosity to to a degree, to remember that your actions do impact those around you regardless if you want to, believe it or not. Your opinion to that doesn't matter. Michael Hingson ** 21:52 Yeah, so what exactly would you say is mindfulness? Elizabeth Louis ** 21:56 Mindfulness is is, you know, the more I study it, the more I think it's bigger than I'm able to articulate in this one will statement. But mindfulness is being open and observing with curiosity and being judgment free. So it's having a non judgmental stance was tremendous curiosity, I think you have to have acceptance in it too, personally, meaning that you're open to the sensations and the feelings that your experience without trying without trying to control them? Michael Hingson ** 22:24 How do you teach somebody to be more mindful or adopt a more mindfulness attitude? Elizabeth Louis ** 22:30 There's lots of techniques. I mean, I think this is where it really comes to being personalized to the individual. But you know, CBT is even one of them cognitive behavior therapy. And then there's even branches of third wave, cognitive behavior therapy that is more explicit on mindfulness. One of the first things I tell people is you've got to grow your self awareness. And I like to tell people imagine being a fly on the wall in your own mental mind. Because we have to your point, right, it's like, people aren't always aware, you have to start paying attention to your thoughts. And this kind of freaked me out when I learned it, but you can have 6000 to 70,000 thoughts a day? And that's a lot of thoughts, right? Thoughts. I know and 95% Double Down. Exactly, exactly, no. But 95% of those thoughts are the same every single day. And 190 9% can be negative on average is 80%. And so I think you have to learn what your thinking style is, I do have a fun free quiz that will score you in 17 of the most common thinking traps. And you find that on my website, Elizabeth lewis.com. But what I found for mindfulness is it's it's it's shifting from that fixed mindset of I have to be perfect, or I have to be this way, or I should do this. And getting to know yourself. So many of us don't know who we are as adults, we we've been frozen ourselves as who we were as children. Michael Hingson ** 23:57 I think you sent me a link to that. And Ted, and we will include that in the notes. So hopefully people will will do that. And take the quiz. I haven't had a chance yet. It's been pretty hectic, but I do want to go take it. I'm going to be curious to see what it see. There we are back to curiosity again. Yes, Elizabeth Louis ** 24:16 I think, you know, I also think a lot of this is making up your mind and just doing it. I don't know if you've ever had a situation in your life where you're like, you know what, I'm just gonna make up my mind and this is what I'm gonna do burn the ships and move forward that can sometimes create a huge change in your life. Michael Hingson ** 24:33 Yeah, I mean, making up your mind making a decision. And again, I think it's important to do it for the right reason. So you make up your mind to do something and it doesn't necessarily work out just as you thought it would. Even that's okay. I I used to say all the time, I'm my own worst critic. Everybody does, right. They say I'm my own worst critic. I I'm gonna I don't want to look at this because I'm my own worst critic. What I've learned is, I'm my own best teacher, because I read somewhere, no one can teach you anything. You have to teach yourself. They can provide you the opportunity, they can tide you provide you the way, but you have to teach yourself. And I've learned that when I talk about listening to speeches, whenever I give a speech or listening to podcasts, when I do these, I love to go back and listen, because I want to hear me and see how I can make it better. But I've learned that it's not I'm my own worst critic, which is negative. It's I'm my own best teacher, which clearly is positive, and I can learn from even the best podcasts, or the best. I have the best of whatever I do, I can learn from that. Elizabeth Louis ** 25:40 Spoken like a true optimist. Michael Hingson ** 25:44 I love it. Oh, I've tended to be pretty optimistic in the world. Well, what you talk a lot about tough minded optimists. What is a tough minded optimist? Elizabeth Louis ** 25:53 A tough minded optimist is an individual who is usually faith driven, courageous, they're strong minded, they're positive, decisive, confident and intentional. And they value treating people with that unconditional love, that kindness, that compassion and that encouragement, I think a lot of people forget that. You can be a tough individual, right? You can be strong, determined able to face while also creating a framework of unconditional love or kindness. A lot of times I'm learning with some of my clients that they think it's one or the other is that all or nothing thinking, which is a dangerous trap to fall in. But you can you can have two opposing truths, if you will coexist. And it's it's learning how to rely on your resilience. And that optimism that something it really expecting something good to happen in the future is going to be your reward and whatever you're pursuing. Michael Hingson ** 26:49 Yeah, I think we oftentimes belt develop the wrong idea of what tough and tough mindedness needs to mean, I think it's resilient. But it doesn't necessarily mean that you're single minded to the point that you can't be open to other things and learn and grow from what you're doing. But you have to start somewhere. Elizabeth Louis ** 27:08 Agree it and I also don't think it means being aggressive, like, negatively aggressive, you can be assertive and still loving. And so it's again that that it's coming from that intentionality of kindness. Yeah, Michael Hingson ** 27:21 and love is something that is all around us and ought to be, I think, is Henry Drummond, who wrote the book, Love is the greatest thing in the world. It's a very short book, but it's a very relevant book, I think everyone should read because it, it talks about the fact that at the root of everything, love is really there. Elizabeth Louis ** 27:39 It really it really is, you just have to look for it. And unfortunately, not a lot of people have been given love. They know performance, love, but they don't know the type of love that humans really require. Which is unfortunate, but true. Michael Hingson ** 27:56 I talk about dogs a lot and talk about the fact that I do believe what people say that dogs love unconditionally. I don't think there's a question of that. I think that's in their makeup. They don't trust unconditionally, however. But the difference between dogs and what people have learned is that dogs are more open to developing a trusting relationship. And we tend to be, we could learn a lot from dogs in that, in that sense. Absolutely. Elizabeth Louis ** 28:24 And we could take it a little bit further to you know, dogs don't have the best memory, obviously, their prefrontal cortex is only 7% of their brain, whereas humans are 25% Not that our prefrontal cortex is where our memories are stored. But you know, the one thing about memories and the way our brain works is, you can't your memories not accurate at the end of the day. And so so many people get so locked in their past, when they're remembering their memories different every single time they remember them. And so you have to learn how to just let him go, my friend and I have a saying that every time our dogs blink, it's a new day, because their memory is so short. And it's like that's kind of the attitude you have to take you have to learn how to forgive and move forward. Not to say you need to enable people who hurt you. I mean, there's boundaries, right? But it's really learning how to like let go and move forward and hope for the best your past does not define your future. Michael Hingson ** 29:17 And that's really the issue your past can help you shape your future but that depends on how you choose to deal with it. Exactly. Elizabeth Louis ** 29:24 And your overall I would say identity which is your you know your mindset, your lens and your and your language and how you see the world. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 29:34 And I think that all too often I think you're right we we allow our memories to surface and sometimes some pretty strange ways. I think that we can learn to look at our memories and we can learn to learn from our memories, but again, we don't tend to very easily go into a mode of at the end of the day. Do some introspection in our worlds Elizabeth Louis ** 30:01 agree. And whenever I tell my whenever I have to do like trauma therapy with my clients, I remind them that you know how you're going to recall this traumatic memory is 100% Based on your self confidence, in your opinion of yourself today and the relations of these people. I mean, you cannot trust your memories, you can take insights and fine wisdoms and seeds in it. But you cannot accurately say that this memory is exactly what happened because your brain distorts it. Michael Hingson ** 30:31 Oh, can you learn? Or can you learn to? And can you help your brain developed to be more accurate and really relaying memories to you? Elizabeth Louis ** 30:40 There's things you can do to improve memory like, you know, older adults, it's really important for them to exercise at least three times a week. That is it has been proven to grow the hippocampus. But when it comes to like, accurate event memories, there's been a lot of interesting studies, you're not going to remember it effectively. There was this one study, and I can't remember who did it. But they they asked 14 year olds, what their life was like they asked him a series of questions about the quality of their life, the parenting, and were they faith based where they grown. And then they tracked them down in their 50s. And they asked them the same questions. And their answers completely contradicted. You know, the person who said they had a great childhood as an adult that they had a horrible childhood, the person who said I was raised as a Christian, as a child said, I was not raised as a Christian as an adult. And so your memories are really going to change based off of your perspective of life. So you really, you can't trust them. And really, the human brain was designed to not hold on to memories like that. But to be more Ford Focus, it's almost like a car, right? Like your windshield is the biggest window, you can see where the side side mirrors and the back mirror is very small for a reason, because we're supposed to be going forward, not backwards, right? Michael Hingson ** 31:59 Well, I know that when I think about my childhood, personally, and I have always, I think had pretty vivid memories of growing up. I don't view my childhood differently than I used to. But I do think that I sometimes express it differently. Like, I learned braille when I was in kindergarten in Chicago, and then the next year, we moved to California, and I didn't have a Braille teacher, or any kind of blindness related kind of teachings, until I went into the fourth grade, because we moved to a pretty rural area. And there were no teachers around to teach any of those skills. I would say today that I was probably more bored during, especially kindergarten, and not necessarily as active as other people in the class because I couldn't read books out loud or be part of a lot of those activities. But I also know deep down, I wasn't really bored. I listened. Right. So I, I think about that. So I'm sure in some senses, I could say I was probably more bored. But I don't recall being bored. But I do recall that, you know, I didn't have the opportunity to participate just like anyone else did, until I got to the fourth grade. And that was exciting, because then Braille books started arriving, which helped. But I've always really tried to keep memories and work. And I as a speaker for the last 22 years, I love to go back and listen even to some of the earlier presentations that I've given. Because I think they're also closer to September 11, having worked in the World Trade Center on that day. And I think that the earlier experiences are closer to it. But I like to go back and listen and make sure that I'm not changing a story. Unless there's some reason to add value. And I've had a few of those were there, there was a reason to, to change part of the story and add some value to it. But the memories are still the same. Elizabeth Louis ** 34:07 And some of those memories kind of more so border on facts of the overview, but when it comes to details of stuff, most of the time, you're inaccurate, and depending on you know what you've endured, you'll shift things. Memories. I mean, it's just not it's we're not supposed to spend that much time in our past. Right. Bringing your future into Your presence, Michael Hingson ** 34:25 right. Yeah. And so when I think of the past, it's all about what did I learn that I can use and one of the things that I have fun doing is I talk to people often about making choices, and one of the speeches that I give is all about making choices and that your choices are water going to in large part determine the direction you go, and I can trace back a long way to choices that I made that got me to the World Trade Center and got me to where I am today. And I can also then look at those and say If I make a good choice was the bad choice. And at the end of the day, did it really matter? Because it was still the choice that I made? It Elizabeth Louis ** 35:08 is true, right? Your choices are so important. It's it's definitely important to be intentional with a lot of choices. Michael Hingson ** 35:18 Yeah. And I think it's, I think it's important to look at, again, yourself at the end of every day and see how you can grow and improve from it. Like I said, we're our own best teachers. Well, I have brain Elizabeth Louis ** 35:31 Oh, sorry, no, go ahead. I was gonna say, well, the brain works best by reflection, discussion and movements. So one of the most powerful things you can do is intentionally reflect. I agree with that. I always reflect on my day at the end of the day, and I asked myself, Where can I? Where can I have been better? What did I learn? And how was I a champion today? Just to just to learn, right? I think reflection is so so powerful, because you, we're always learning, we're never gonna get life perfect. Michael Hingson ** 36:01 What's the other side of it is not only what could I have done better, but in the things that really went, well, anything else I could have done to enhance it? And I don't mind asking myself that question. And hopefully, sometimes get an answer that says, yeah, here's something else you could have done. Elizabeth Louis ** 36:16 Yeah. Or that awareness piece, right? Like, I think yesterday, I was slightly neurotic. And I like took a timeout and reflected like, Hey, why am I being neurotic and figured out the answer and move forward and re reoriented? And just, yeah, back to work? Michael Hingson ** 36:31 How do you help teach somebody to be a tough minded optimist, Elizabeth Louis ** 36:38 that's very much depends on where they are, and a little bit of their natural psychology. So one of the first things I do when I enroll a new client is I do a needs analysis. And it's where I get them to take four assessments. And I study and aggregate their data pretty aggressively to really have a thorough concept of who they are and how their mind thinks. And also the best way for me to teach them since that's so customizable, and one of the first things I look at as a psychometric assessment that scores them in 23, psychometrics, and there's actually a personality trait of tough mindedness that I look at as well as recognition and trust. And then their their ambition scores. And then from there, I kind of have to identify what's most impactful. For instance, if someone comes in and they have a very low score and trust, that tells me they're a pessimist, because trust and optimism are directly connected, just like low trust and pessimism are directly connected. So first, I have to increase their positive thinking, and usually their self efficacy. You've worked with a lot of high performers, maybe you've had this experience too, but some of them have very poor interpersonal traits. So they have low self esteem, they've got low self confidence, they're not very tough minded. They don't have the best ability at controlling their emotions and their temperament. And so first, you have to make sure the groundwork is done before we start building that first or second storey house. And then once we have the self efficacy and self confidence, and trust, strong, and we have their thinking more positive and their awareness grown, then it's teaching them how not to personalize things. And this is going to be very dependent on that thinking trap assessment. For instance, there is a thinking trap, that is called personalization, or discounting the positives. I want to know how quickly are they taking things to heart? Because let's be honest, Michael, like everyone has an opinion. And they're they all stink. They all say like, you don't have to agree with someone just because they say it. And that's why I look at that recognition score. Because I've learned high recognition, and sometimes even high nurturance can be a result of fear of man, meaning, you really see humans have the ability to affirm your worth, and you see them bigger than God or you might struggle codependency or peer pressure or people pleasing. And so we want to like take back power where power was never meant to be, if that makes sense. Yeah, Michael Hingson ** 39:07 it does. It's interesting. It's interesting that you say that, that an optimist is usually a person that that tends to be very trusting or has a lot of trust. The other side of that, though, is oftentimes don't people misplaced trust? And is that is that a skill that we need to better learn? Well, Elizabeth Louis ** 39:30 usually people who are misplacing their trust also have really high nurturance. And so they are that borderline codependent person that really is out of touch with their own emotions and wants to see the good in everything. So you have to have boundaries at the end of the day. I mean, I believe respecting people and always giving people the benefit of the doubt, but it's very easy to misplace your trust, especially if you come from trauma, I think, not to single out women but I just have seen it more in women Men, sometimes when there's been a woman who's had a traumatic past, they overshare. And it's like, stop, stop overly trusting people with your personal life, you have to learn some boundaries and learn that some of getting to know you is earned. You can't just blindly trust people and be foolish, there is a strategy, I guess we could argue to it. Michael Hingson ** 40:21 Yeah, I think that's probably make some sense that, that it's all about boundaries. Again, it gets back to like with the dog being open to trust. And I probably tend to be a little bit more trusting than I should. But I also have learned that while that's the case, I also say, okay, ultimately, I'm going to be open to trusting this individual, and I want them to trust me. But I'm going to look at everything that happens between us and so on, in order to decide whether I can put my trust in this individual. And I should do that to learn whether I trust them, I'm going to trust them, or do they have some other agenda? And and that's a problem. Elizabeth Louis ** 41:08 Exactly. And, you know, it's always important to reevaluate your relationships and who you're interacting with. Because sometimes you just gotta let people go, because it's not worth the energy. It's not worth the enabling them, right. And that's why you have to look at that high nurturance. Because those with high nurturance are more prone to enabling right there's a difference between forgiving and enabling. If someone keeps hitting you stop going back to them. You can forgive them from a distance. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 41:37 And that's the point you can forgive them. But you can do that from a distance. And there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, just like you don't have to, you don't have to go back and say, I forgive you just so they can punch you in the mouth. Exactly. Elizabeth Louis ** 41:47 Like sometimes you have to learn how to love people from afar. Yeah, Michael Hingson ** 41:52 but still, love is the important part. Yeah, Elizabeth Louis ** 41:55 yeah. And you have to remember to and I think we don't do a good job, really in the world with this. But I think especially in America, love doesn't take away love freely gives. Whereas lust takes away. I always kind of chuckle when I get a client. They're like, they they're dating. Some of them like I'm so in love. I'm like, it's three months, it's three months, come on, you don't really know him that well, that last phase can last for about 24 months is what research this. Michael Hingson ** 42:21 When my wife and I decided to get married, we met in January of 1982. And in July, I proposed we, we we didn't talk a whole lot from January to probably the middle of March. And then we started talking more. She was a travel agent and I traveled I needed to travel to Hawaii, I needed to travel to Hawaii for some sales work that I needed to do in May. So I took my parents along. Karen was a travel agent. So she did our tickets and all that. And I just made the decision kind of on the way over I wanted to keep in touch with her and I called her twice a day from Hawaii. And that was fun. But in July, we propose I proposed and we got married in November. But we both have talked about that a lot since and what we decided was, we really knew from our own points of view what we wanted in a person. She was 33. I was 32. I would love to say I taught her everything. But you know, but but we were old enough that we approached it from the standpoint and we really knew what we wanted in a person. And it worked out for 40 years. Unfortunately, she passed this past November, but we were married 40 years. That's Elizabeth Louis ** 43:36 amazing. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And I think that's a big difference. You know, when I was saying that comment I was moreso thinking of, yeah, like clients who are serial daters who fall in love very quickly, in their mind's eye, right? You know, every girl or man they they get, it's like I'm in love. And I'm like, we need to maybe get you really clear on what she wants. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 43:58 And I know some people who are near my age who are and even and even, like 10 years younger, and they just decide they don't want to be alone, and they're off dating other people and all that. And that's fine. I think for me, I'm not sure that there would be a lot of relevance in in dating. And besides that, I know my wife is keeping an eye on me if I misbehave, I'm going to hear about it. Elizabeth Louis ** 44:24 Yeah. Well, and I think really what we're saying without saying it is the intention is so different, right? You know, it sounds like you and your late wife wanted to really create a partnership, whereas these people who are dating because they don't want to be alone. That's really a selfish reason of dating at the end of the day, you really stop and think about it. Michael Hingson ** 44:43 Yeah, it is. And the reality is, that's going back to you instead of a Wii. And maybe sometimes it sort of works, but is it really working? Because if you're doing it just because you want to be you don't want to be alone. That's the problem. Blum, Elizabeth Louis ** 45:00 it really is. And it's I'm going to also say it's not going to last, which is enforced right now. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 45:08 And it won't something is going to happen. Or if it if it lasts, it's going to be tumultuous. Oh, Elizabeth Louis ** 45:16 gosh, yes. Yeah. I mean, you were married for quite a bit time. I mean, it takes selflessness to be in a successful relationship. Michael Hingson ** 45:23 Yeah. But it is so much fun. Yeah, Elizabeth Louis ** 45:27 yes, it really is. When you meet the right person and you yourself are healthy, it can be so rewarding. Michael Hingson ** 45:33 Yeah. works out really well. Well, talking about the whole business of tough minded optimist, and so on again. The reality is we've we've discussed a lot about adversity and things that are a challenge in life. How does a tough minded optimists deal with adversity as opposed to other people? I gather, we're saying that the tough minded optimist is the way to go. I Elizabeth Louis ** 45:57 think so I might, you might be biased to that. Michael Hingson ** 46:03 Maybe we shouldn't talk about it. Just kidding. Yeah, what the heck it makes for a good podcast. Right? Elizabeth Louis ** 46:08 You know, most of the time. pessimist are just so easily defeated by adversity. And they fall into a huge spiral of self pity and even depression, which is, you know, a big, big umbrella. But what I've learned is the tough minded optimist, sees adversity as an opportunity to increase their character, their endurance, endurance, to grow, their faith, their hope, their belief, you know, they see these negative events as minor setbacks to be easily overcome and view positive events as evidence of further good things to come. Right. So it's not about like, pursuing the materialism. It's, it's about sharpening their skills in developing their character developing their endurance more, so that they can have just a better outcome, right? It's just it's an opera. It's like a trial right here. It's like, here's your opportunity to fight like a gladiator. Are you going to win? Are you going to lose? Are you going to be tough? You're going to do it? Are you going to sit there and complain? It's kind of am I allowed to cuss? Because I don't like to cuss but it's kind of like shit or get off the pie. Right? This is what you're facing. Let's make the best of it and see it as a challenge, not as a problem. Michael Hingson ** 47:20 Yeah. And, of course, that gets back to the whole issue of optimism. If you regard everything as a problem. You're never going to grow. Oh, Elizabeth Louis ** 47:30 and you're gonna have a crappy life. Because let's be real, you're gonna go from one problem to one problem. Life is rarely smooth sailing. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 47:39 So what does that get you? There's nothing wrong with challenges. It's all a question of how we deal with it and how we decide to approach life. I've always regarded life as an adventure. Like I regard the internet as a treasure trove of adventure. It's, it's, you know, there's the dark web and all that I appreciate that and have no interested in ever accessing it. If I have, I don't know what, and that's fine. But it's such an adventurous process to be able to deal with so much information. Rather than I have to have all of this information at my fingertips. I like the adventure. Elizabeth Louis ** 48:15 Yeah, and you know, what I love you, you shared there, this kind of goes back to curiosity, you know, that have to is such a perfectionistic mindset, right? You know, you desire to know all the knowledge versus that growth mindset of curiosity, and what's out there. I mean, I don't know how I don't know how people found information in the olden days. Now, I love encyclopedias. But you can just do it so much faster on the internet, and I will spend hours just researching and being curious and just learning because it's just so fascinating. All the things out there. Yeah, Michael Hingson ** 48:49 and there's so much and it's growing every day. Now, the unfortunate part is that most of the websites that are out there are not very accessible to people who are blind or who have a lot of other disabilities. It's like 98% of all websites, which is what accessibility helps to eliminate. But that also is an area of growth, where I think over time, we will recognize that we need to be more inclusive in presenting information so everyone has access to it. But it does tend to be a problem because again, we deal with the eye instead of the US. I Elizabeth Louis ** 49:20 would agree. And in fact, Michael I didn't even think about that, which I feel horrible, but I'm gonna admit it until I met you and then I was like, Oh my gosh, I need to fix my website so that it's more accessible to everyone because that was something I had never even it was like out of sight out of mind as much as I don't want to admit that. Michael Hingson ** 49:36 Well. I use out of sight out of mind all the time. I have a whole bunch of boxes a thin mints here at the house. I support the Girl Scouts, but a lot of them are in the freezer and a lot of them are up on a shelf and unless I happen to think about it, or happen to touch one of the boxes out of sight out of mind and they will be up there so I have a stash Elizabeth Louis ** 50:02 I'm going to come to your house. Michael Hingson ** 50:04 We have plenty of Thin Mints, and and venture fools and they're available. Like I said, supporting the Girl Scouts is an important thing to do, but they don't get eaten very fast. And so I've worked at keeping a decent weight. Oh, that's Elizabeth Louis ** 50:18 good. Because excuse. That's your, that's your excuse for sticking to it like it. Yeah, Michael Hingson ** 50:23 that's it. That's it. But it's but you know, but it's, but it's interesting that we really look at things in such interesting ways. And I and I hope that we'll all grow to be a little bit more open to the the weak concept, but it is a it is a challenge and it's in it's a skill that we need to learn. And I love your whole concept of tough minded optimist, because it's a skill. And it is something that anyone can develop if we work at it, Elizabeth Louis ** 50:53 when it's actually easier to be optimistic than pessimistic. Because let's be real, if fear felt good. Like we would do it more but feel fear, like we're not wired for fear. That's why it feels horrible. Whereas Love feels amazing. And so many of the pessimists out there are just bringing so much stress and anxiety onto their beings, when they don't have to like at some point, you have to learn how to focus on what's in your control and let go of everything else. Yeah, Michael Hingson ** 51:26 absolutely. The most important thing, and I think the most important concept that any of us could learn in today's world is don't worry about what you can't control focus on what you can't because it'll not drive you crazy to do that. Elizabeth Louis ** 51:40 I would agree. Last year, I went to a nurse psychotherapy training with some elite Ivy League professors and I was so excited to like nerd out with them because I specialize in neuro psychotherapy. So as a neuropsychologist conference, I apologize. And I was really excited to hear the like technicality and the jargon. And the biggest takeaway from one of the professor's was just like you have to learn how to control what you can control and let go of everything else. That is the biggest skill and the biggest freedom and I was just like, I'm so in agreement to that. But I was really expecting more nerdiness but I'll take it. Michael Hingson ** 52:16 Picky, picky, picky, right Elizabeth Louis ** 52:18 to write but it but that's the thing. Life is so much more simpler, then so many humans want to realize, Michael Hingson ** 52:26 yeah, it is just not that complicated. Now, I understand that it isn't necessarily easy to do. I have groused on this podcast a few times about weather prognosticators. So we had such rain and snow. even close to me, we live in a valley. So we got two inches of snow one Saturday afternoon. And that was the biggest snowstorm we had. So the kids didn't even get a snow day. But ski resorts within 30 miles of us that were five and six and 7000 feet higher than than we were. And they got a lot of snow. Okay, I appreciate that. And it was so much though that the some buildings collapsed and all that. And people were complaining about that. Then we got into May and all I kept hearing from all the weather people was May gray and June Gloom, it's gonna be cloudy and and you know, when are we going to get the sunshine and I'm sitting there going. You don't want to talk about the rest of what happens when we get all that sunshine, which is like 100 plus degrees and wildfires. Now we have 100 plus degrees of wildfires. And they're complaining that we're going to have to put up with his heat for so long. You can't ever Elizabeth Louis ** 53:36 please. No. But you know what, those people are pessimistic at the end of the day. Look at their focus. It's negative. Michael Hingson ** 53:42 Yeah, that's exactly the point is it's all negative. And it isn't doing any good. They have forgotten how to report and they want to put all this pessimism into it, which is so frustrating. Yeah, I hope people who are listening to happen to do the weather and you'll think about doing it differently in the future. Right? You're gonna say, Elizabeth Louis ** 54:01 Oh, I don't even remember anymore. I would agree. I stopped watching the news and especially the weather. Now I just like look at the radar. And I still have the same beliefs with the radar, as I do with the people because I mean, they're given it their best guess they could they could verbalize it with with optimism. But you know what the Newton. I mean, you've been around when the news went off. You know where it wasn't 24/7 the tone of the news has become more and more negative. And obviously, sensationalism sells, but like, I guess I'm still baffled that people are willing to accept it when it's like we know that this is their tone is negative. It's you're not going to hear great things. Michael Hingson ** 54:48 Once again, we're lowering our standards. Elizabeth Louis ** 54:50 Yeah, very well said my drop. Michael Hingson ** 54:54 It's It's pretty amazing. And it's so unfortunate that that it has to be that way. And you're right I do Do appreciate that sensationalism sells. But there are ways to present it. And then there are ways that maybe it shouldn't be presented. And I think that the media has an obligation to teach. And it's just unfortunate that they've not learned about how to teach. I Elizabeth Louis ** 55:17 used to work in the news, it's, it's it's such a business as it's gone. 24/7 And it used to be there, they would, they would teach, and they would share objectively and allow you to draw your own conclusions. Now, it's like, this is what you have to think. And if you don't think with it, if you don't agree, then you're wrong. You know, we don't have the ability to hold opposing truths anymore, like we used to, it's the lack of respect has decreased, I think we've Michael Hingson ** 55:48 forgotten how to have conversations to Elizabeth Louis ** 55:52 or like the fact that we could be friends, even if we have opposing opinions. Yeah. It's possible, the Michael Hingson ** 56:01 founder of the National Federation of the Blind, Dr. Jacobus tenBroek, and his wife were from opposite political parties. Yet, they never divorced. You know, the you can disagree. And you know, there were things that my wife and I disagreed about. And I know other people who have have long running marriages, and they, they can disagree, and that's part of what really makes a neat marriage is that you can disagree, you know, you can disagree. And it's okay. Because back to what teamwork and Teaming is all about? Elizabeth Louis ** 56:38 Well, and, and I think, too, one of the reasons I believe that so many people who are my age are struggling with staying married or staying in committed relationships is because a lot of us weren't taught how to regulate our emotions, or how to suck it up butterfly, right. We were allowed to just quit when the going got hard. And to think that you're going to fully agree with someone 100% of the time, it's just foolishness. I mean, your perspective is different than everyone else's. So to think you'll agree all the time is silly. But I think if we could teach kids how to regulate their emotions, and maybe not coddle them so much, we might have some different outcomes. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 57:20 And the other part about it is if if you agreed all the time, it'd be pretty boring. Right? It'd be a challenge. Right? I would agree. So it's okay to differ a little. I Elizabeth Louis ** 57:34 would agree, you know, and, I mean, also, most of what we talked about is opinions. Even science is a theory and for whatever, you know, first aid for theory, a theory B contradicts it. Yeah. Michael Hingson ** 57:48 And then when something comes along, and we really can prove it, what a joy. Right, exactly. So what do you do when you're not being a high performance coach? Elizabeth Louis ** 58:01 Oh, I love learning. Learning is something that I find so enjoyable. I love teaching, and I love exercising. My faith is really important to me. My puppy is really important to me. He's not a puppy, but he's a puppy. Michael Hingson ** 58:17 What kind? Elizabeth Louis ** 58:18 He's a Shih Tzu mix with a poodle. It's called a sheep. Michael Hingson ** 58:21 A sheep. Ooh, yeah. Yeah. They Elizabeth Louis ** 58:24 are apparently popular now. But he's, he's about 13. He's, he's the apple of my life. Michael Hingson ** 58:32 I have a seven year old black lab guide dog and a 13 and a half year old cat who runs the house? Yes. Yes, Elizabeth Louis ** 58:40 I bet. I bet. I bet it's um, it's funny. My I went to church this last Sunday, and there was this little short moment about cats and dogs and cats believe they are God. And dogs see their owner as God. Yeah. That's so accurate. It Michael Hingson ** 59:00 is absolutely so true. And you know, that's okay. My cat loves to get petted while she eats. She's developed this, and she'll yell at me until I come and pet her while she's eating less. And most of the time, it's okay. But she has also developed a little bit of a nap to try to get me to come in when I'm eating and I have started to push back a little bit and say stitch I'm eating. I'll be there when I'm done. Elizabeth Louis ** 59:27 Good for you. Michael Hingson ** 59:30 We got it. But you know, if she really wants me that badly, then she can come out and tell me rather than yelling from the bedroom. Elizabeth Louis ** 59:36 It's so my dog is like a husky in the sense of he's very talkative like that, too. And he has to have the last word and he and I will do a little bit of what it sounds like you and your cat do and I'm like, my dog's name some movement when I'm like, Man, we'll just chill buddy. Michael Hingson ** 59:53 Alamo the lab is absolutely wonderful and tends to just put up with anything and doesn't complain A bit. I have yet to hear him bark. And we've been together since February of 2018. But but he loves attention and he thinks he's a lap dog. If you sit on the floor, he's going to be in your lap and he's not going to

america god love new york california learning children trust donald trump chicago lord art english ai hollywood earth man men new york times africa reach mom hawaii south africa hospitals ptsd executives memories fall in love blind southern california television ambassadors thunder stem stitcher curiosity indiana jones bay area ebooks unstoppable teamwork newton toy story ivy league ranger mata twilight zone girl scouts alaskan mm rutgers university world trade center cbt ay fantasia positive psychology wii chihuahua performance coach happy days double down american red cross blum metropolitan museum teaming braille anglo saxons land rover perry mason national federation guide dogs clinical mental health counseling shih tzu ford focus thin mints exxon mobile chief vision officer federal express scripps college sharkbite june gloom michael hingson accessibe american humane association executive performance coach film producing thunder dog henry drummond hero dog awards

Encore Empower Your Life with Love Fridays! Love and Self-Compassion

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 8, 2023 60:00

How do I recognize when I am not being compassionate with myself? How do I know when I am not being loving to myself? What steps can I take to feel good about myself? Love is inherent in self-compassion. We owe it to ourselves to appreciate, value and treat ourselves well. Self-compassion transforms our relationship with ourselves and improves our general well-being. Dr. Jean Marie Farish, LOVE LIGHT Host, will inspire listeners to create a better relationship with themselves through self-love and self-compassion. She will share how the ingredients in the 'Recipe of Love', inspired by Henry Drummond and adopted as the 'Wholistic Model of Love', show us a natural way of relating to ourselves. These ingredients include: Patience, kindness, humility, generosity, courtesy, unselfishness, good-temper, guilessness, and sincerity. As we become more self-compassionate and loving of ourselves, we become more empathic, tolerable, and understanding of others. She will highlight the importance of knowing your worth, being self-loving, and affirming self-love to live more meaningful, healthier, and joyful lives.

love lifestyle humility kindness self love empowerment selfhelp personal development self compassion healthy lifestyle voiceamerica love light empower your life henry drummond jean marie farish

Encore Empower Your Life with Love Fridays! Love and Self-Compassion

Joanie Stahls Field Notes

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 8, 2023 60:00

love lifestyle humility kindness self love empowerment selfhelp personal development self compassion healthy lifestyle voiceamerica love light empower your life henry drummond jean marie farish

Heaven Land Devotions - The Freest People On Earth

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 2, 2023 41:08

**Thank you for supporting this ministry, I lovingly refer to as "The Little Green Pasture." Click here: PayPal: http://paypal.me/JoanStahl **Please prayerfully consider becoming a ministry partner: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/joaniestahl **Contact Email: jsfieldnotes@gmail.com **Subscribe to me on Rumble: https://rumble.com/c/c-534183 **Subscribe to me on Bitchute: I have been having trouble with the link so just go straight to https://www.bitchute.com/ and typing "Joanie Stahls Field Notes" in the search bar. Thank you! In a few days our nation will be celebrating the 4th of July otherwise known as "Independence Day." The celebration is for freedom fought for and won. However there is another freedom that remains. Though there was the great fall of man there still remains in humanity the desire to be free. The animal kingdom wants to be free. "For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now." Romans 8:22. People will be celebrating with fireworks and barbeques but will go home in bondage to all kinds of slaveries. Humanity is groaning and in pain from having no real freedom. The only really free people are those that are full of the love of God. God's love is Christ alive in you. Therefore you live in the greatest freedom no money can buy. It is not for sale. It is given to you in the new birth from above. Henry Drummond said, “To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever.” If you are full of the love of God then there is nothing that can stop you. No matter where you go, or what you do you are free. Which is why it is called "the perfect law of liberty." And you are one of the only real freest people on earth. "You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. And those things will have entered into your eternal life.” ― Henry Drummond --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/joanie-stahl/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/joanie-stahl/support

god jesus christ earth land romans humanity paypal independence day rumble devotions henry drummond

Peace

Thought For Today

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 18, 2023 3:14

I greet you in Jesus' precious Name. It is Sunday morning the 18th of June 2023, and this is your friend Angus Buchan with a thought for today. If we go to John 14:27 Jesus says:Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. How are you feeling this morning? Are you troubled in your heart, stressed out today? Well, listen to this beautiful story I read, written by Henry Drummond many years ago: Two painters were asked to paint a picture illustrating their own idea of rest. The first choose for his scene a quiet, lonely lake, nestled among mountains far away. The second, using swift, broad strokes on his canvas, painted and thundering waterfall. Beneath the falls grew a fragile birch tree, bending over the foam. On its branches, nearly wet with the spray from the falls, sat a little Robin on its nest. The first painting was simply a picture of stagnation and inactivity. The second, however, depicted rest. Outwardly, Christ endured one of the most troubled lives ever lived. Turmoil and storms, wave after wave, broke over him until his worn body was laid in the tomb. Yet his inner life was as smooth as a sea of glass, a great calm was always there. Anyone could have gone to him at any time and found rest. Even as the human Bloodhounds were dogging him in the streets of Jerusalem, he turned to his disciples, offering them a final legacy - My peace...Rest is not some holy feeling that comes upon us in church, no. It is a state of calm rising from a heart, deeply and firmly established in God. I want to say to you that in my own life, sometimes in the midst of my biggest testing, I have experienced the peace of the Holy Spirit that kept me going. They say that right in the middle of a tornado is absolute peace - can you believe that, right in the middle of that tornado that is destroying homes and ripping up roads. You see, peace is found within your heart. It is not found in your circumstances - Where you live or what you do. I want to suggest to you, today, that you need to seek the peace of the lord Jesus Christ. God bless and goodbye.

god jesus christ peace holy spirit jerusalem beneath turmoil bloodhounds outwardly henry drummond angus buchan

Joy in God-honouring generosity

Sermons from Harvest Bible Chapel Barrie

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 18, 2023 47:28

We had our Annual Members Meeting last week and as is our custom, our Finance Director, Wendy Brouwer, took us through a comprehensive run through of our finances from last year, and where we are this year-to-date. The report was incredibly encouraging, especially where we're at this year. You are a generous church, and we as your staff team thank God often for that. Generosity is a mainstay of the Christian life, and in many ways a non-generous Christian is an oxymoron. Tim Keller once wrote: “A lack of generosity refuses to acknowledge that your assets are not really yours, but God's.” That was the heart clearly evident in the Philippian church as Paul commends their partnership and generosity toward him in the final words of his letter. As we carefully consider the steps we take in our walk with Christ, we must look intently at how our giving is honouring God or not. In today's economic climate with the pressures we face, I'd contend that careful consideration is just as if not more important today. We'll wrap up our three-year, intermittent look at the letter of Paul to the Philippians this Sunday. It's been a wonderful journey for me personally, and I pray for you as well. Next week we're excited to have Leo Klus join us to kick off a 10-week series in Colossians (yes…we're simply turning the page to the next book, next week!), called “Invisible God: Visible Faith.” Excited about all of these things. Series: Joy Unleashed Message 14- Joy in God-honouring generosity Text: Philippians 4:14-23 Jordan Coros Harvest Bible Chapel June 18, 2023 Give me five minutes in a person's check book and I'll tell you where their heart is. Billy Graham Matthew 6:21 My giving honours God when it's done... 1)...out of gospel partnership (v. 14-16) As he served the Philippians sacrificially, they have given to him sacrificially, but all in the greater course of serving the gospel. David Garland 2 Corinthians 8:1-3 2)...out of a desire for gospel growth (v. 17) 2 Corinthians 9:10-12 In all my years of service to the Lord, I have discovered a truth that has never failed and has never been compromised. That truth is that it is beyond the realm of possibilities that one has the ability to out give God. Even if I give the whole of my worth to Him, He will find a way to give back to me much more than I gave. Charles Spurgeon Matthew 25:21 Matthew 6:3-4 3)...out of a heart that worships God (v. 18) Hebrews 11:6 4)...out of God's glorious provision (v. 19-23 The most obvious lesson in Christ's teaching is that there is no happiness in having or getting anything, but only in giving. Henry Drummond

god jesus christ lord corinthians hebrews philippians generosity colossians excited honouring tim keller finance director henry drummond

Joy in God-honouring generosity

Sermons from Harvest Bible Chapel Barrie

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 18, 2023 47:28

god jesus christ lord corinthians hebrews philippians generosity colossians excited honouring tim keller finance director henry drummond

The Restoring Work of Christ

Christ Redeemer Church » Sermons

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 30, 2023 37:13

QUOTES FOR REFLECTION “The Christian Gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself or less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.”~Tim Keller“Our efforts after Christian growth seem only a succession of failures, and, instead of rising into the beauty of holiness, our life is a daily heart-break and humiliation.”~Henry Drummond“Jesus Christ became Incarnate for one purpose, to make a way back to God that man might stand before Him as He was created to do, the friend and lover of God Himself.”~Oswald Chambers“Christ is building His kingdom with earth's broken things. Men want only the strong, the successful, the victorious, the unbroken, in building their kingdoms; but God is the God of the unsuccessful, of those who have failed. Heaven is filling with earth's broken lives, and there is no bruised reed that Christ cannot take and restore to glorious blessedness and beauty. He can take the life crushed by pain or sorrow and make it into a harp whose music shall be all praise. He can lift earth's saddest failure up to heaven's glory.”~J.R. Miller“You will run out of sin before He runs out of mercy.”~Pastor Charlie Dates“If God called us to a task, He will then qualify us for the job.”~Jack Hyles“Have you been holding back from a risky, costly course to which you know in your heart God has called you? Hold back no longer. Your God is faithful to you, and adequate for you. You will never need more than He can supply, and what He supplies, both materially and spiritually, will always be enough for the present.”~J. I. PackerSERMON PASSAGELuke 22:24-32, John 21:15-24 (ESV)Luke 22 24 A dispute also arose among them, as to which of them was to be regarded as the greatest. 25 And he said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those in authority over them are called benefactors. 26 But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves. 27 For who is the greater, one who reclines at table or one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at table? But I am among you as the one who serves. 28 “You are those who have stayed with me in my trials, 29 and I assign to you, as my Father assigned to me, a kingdom, 30 that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 31 “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, 32 but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”John 2115 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 16 He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. 18 Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” 19 (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.” 20 Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” 21 When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” 22 Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” 23 So the saying spread abroad among the brothers that this disciple was not to die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he was not to die, but, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?” 24 This is the disciple who is bearing witness about these things, and who has written these things, and we know that his testimony is true.

Pax Vobiscum by Henry Drummond

The Project Gutenberg Open Audiobook Collection

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 4, 2023 120:46

Pax Vobiscum

The Project Gutenberg Open Audiobook Collection

The Monkey That Would Not Kill by Henry Drummond

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 4, 2023 110:06

The Monkey That Would Not Kill

monkeys henry drummond

Healing | Healing the Wounds of Betrayal

Springcreek Church - Garland, TX Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 12, 2023 27:38

HEALING THE WOUNDS OF BETRAYALSpringcreek Church | Dr. Jessica Fernandez, Lead Associate PastorFebruary 12, 2023Betrayal, the breaking of a trust bond, runs deep. In this message, find a greater understanding of how to heal the wounds of betrayal and move forward in life with more strength and clarity as we look at the life of Hosea.DISCUSSION QUESTIONS1.) Discuss the quote, “Most Christians are educated way beyond their level of obedience.” - Dr. John Maxwell2.) The Bible is very clear that God uses our experiences with hardship and trials to mature us. That doesn't mean that God causes the hardship or trials (since we live in a broken world, they are inevitable) but He does use that experience to bring us to maturity.Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1.2-4Where have you had experience with this in your life presently or in the past? How has it affected your prayer life – especially if the trial or difficulty you're experiencing is something that you will be facing long term? Within Christianity, there are segments of the church that always and only believe in miraculous deliverance from every disease, difficulty, or setback. When someone doesn't experience deliverance, the suffering individual is often indicted for a lack of faith. How does that set with you? What does Scripture actually say about such things? What would you say to someone who was suffering then, on top of that, made to feel like an inferior Christian?3.) It's not our actions but our reactions that are the best barometers for how far we've come or how much we've grown. How often do we respond as Jesus did to unjust treatment, unfair accusations, or actions meant to bring us harm? Have you ever had a time in your life when you experienced God's power enabling you to have a truly Christlike response to bad treatment? Share that with the group.4.) If you look over these questions in advance as a group, download Henry Drummond's book, “The Greatest Thing in the World” and read it through at least once before your time together. Share with the group your biggest takeaway from the book.5.) Spiritual formation truly is all about love formation. Everything God is doing in our life is to make us more and more like Jesus especially in our capacity to love God, our brothers and sisters, and our neighbor as ourselves. How is God challenging your right now to love? Where have you seen progress in love since becoming a Christ follower? Take some time to discuss the following definition of love. Love: to seek the highest and best good of another.https://www.springcreekchurch.org/#realspringcreekchurch #theway #jesus #searching #embarking #walking #advancing #grow #connect #serve

god love jesus christ world bible healing christians spiritual scripture betrayal hosea wounds christlike everything god henry drummond

AA's Pioneer Program: No Greater Love

Father Bill W.

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 8, 2023 60:49

Matt D., Executive Director All Addicts Anonymous (AAA) discusses the original AA pioneer program focusing on the Four Absolutes of Honesty, Purity, Unselfishness, and Love. In this episode Matt and Father Bill explore the deeper meaning of Love. Each chooses a reading that may help addicts in recovery uncover new meaning in this the most challenging and perhaps most rewarding of the Four Absolutes. Readings are available in the Show Notes notes below. Show Notes: No Greater Love – Matt's reading from Sadhu Sundar Singh The Love Chapter (First Corinthians 13) – Fr. Bill's reading from Paul Sadu Sundar Singh Wikipedia Rev. Sam Shoemaker Wikipedia The Answer to Addiction by John Burns – early publication of Invitation to a Great Experiment by Tom Powers - pdf version The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis pdf version The Greatest Thing in the world by Henry Drummond – pdf version What Men Live By and Other Tales by Leo Tolstoy – pdf version George MacDonald Scottish author – Wikipedia Check out the All Addicts Anonymous website with meeting information and contact Matt D. via email --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/fatherbillw/support

love addiction invitation honesty pioneer purity aa readings leo tolstoy no greater love other tales john burns matt d unselfishness great experiment father bill henry drummond

Discipleship | Consummating: The Way - Part 5

Springcreek Church - Garland, TX Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 5, 2023 44:28

CONSUMMATINGThe Way – Part 5Springcreek Church | Senior Pastor Keith StewartFebruary 5, 2023We've been on a journey throughout this series looking at what it means to be a growing Christ-follower – a follower of the way. Now as the series wraps up, we turn our attention to the truly transformed soul and what the consummation of our journey looks like. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS1.) Discuss the quote, “Most Christians are educated way beyond their level of obedience.” - Dr. John Maxwell2.) The Bible is very clear that God uses our experiences with hardship and trials to mature us. That doesn't mean that God causes the hardship or trials (since we live in a broken world, they are inevitable) but He does use that experience to bring us to maturity.Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1.2-4Where have you had experience with this in your life presently or in the past? How has it affected your prayer life – especially if the trial or difficulty you're experiencing is something that you will be facing long term? Within Christianity, there are segments of the church that always and only believe in miraculous deliverance from every disease, difficulty, or setback. When someone doesn't experience deliverance, the suffering individual is often indicted for a lack of faith. How does that set with you? What does Scripture actually say about such things? What would you say to someone who was suffering then, on top of that, made to feel like an inferior Christian?3.) It's not our actions but our reactions that are the best barometers for how far we've come or how much we've grown. How often do we respond as Jesus did to unjust treatment, unfair accusations, or actions meant to bring us harm? Have you ever had a time in your life when you experienced God's power enabling you to have a truly Christlike response to bad treatment? Share that with the group.4.) If you look over these questions in advance as a group, download Henry Drummond's book, “The Greatest Thing in the World” and read it through at least once before your time together. Share with the group your biggest takeaway from the book.5.) Spiritual formation truly is all about love formation. Everything God is doing in our life is to make us more and more like Jesus especially in our capacity to love God, our brothers and sisters, and our neighbor as ourselves. How is God challenging your right now to love? Where have you seen progress in love since becoming a Christ follower? Take some time to discuss the following definition of love. Love: to seek the highest and best good of another.https://www.springcreekchurch.org/#realspringcreekchurch #theway #jesus #searching #embarking #walking #advancing #grow #connect #serve

god love jesus christ world bible christians spiritual scripture discipleship christlike everything god henry drummond

Discipleship | Advancing: The Way - Part 4

Springcreek Church - Garland, TX Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 29, 2023 42:37

ADVANCINGThe Way – Part 4Springcreek Church | Senior Pastor Keith StewartJanuary 29, 2023In this series, we've been challenged to think of the beginnings of the spiritual life in ways we never have before. This week, we learn what it takes to grow and mature as a follower of the Way. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS1.) Discuss the quote, “Most Christians are educated way beyond their level of obedience.” - Dr. John Maxwell2.) The Bible is very clear that God uses our experiences with hardship and trials to mature us. That doesn't mean that God causes the hardship or trials (since we live in a broken world, they are inevitable) but He does use that experience to bring us to maturity.Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1.2-4Where have you had experience with this in your life presently or in the past? How has it affected your prayer life – especially if the trial or difficulty you're experiencing is something that you will be facing long term? Within Christianity, there are segments of the church that always and only believe in miraculous deliverance from every disease, difficulty, or setback. When someone doesn't experience deliverance, the suffering individual is often indicted for a lack of faith. How does that set with you? What does Scripture actually say about such things? What would you say to someone who was suffering then, on top of that, made to feel like an inferior Christian?3.) It's not our actions but our reactions that are the best barometers for how far we've come or how much we've grown. How often do we respond as Jesus did to unjust treatment, unfair accusations, or actions meant to bring us harm? Have you ever had a time in your life when you experienced God's power enabling you to have a truly Christlike response to bad treatment? Share that with the group.4.) If you look over these questions in advance as a group, download Henry Drummond's book, “The Greatest Thing in the World” and read it through at least once before your time together. Share with the group your biggest takeaway from the book.5.) Spiritual formation truly is all about love formation. Everything God is doing in our life is to make us more and more like Jesus especially in our capacity to love God, our brothers and sisters, and our neighbor as ourselves. How is God challenging your right now to love? Where have you seen progress in love since becoming a Christ follower? Take some time to discuss the following definition of love. Love: to seek the highest and best good of another.https://www.springcreekchurch.org/#realspringcreekchurch #theway #jesus #searching #embarking #walking #advancing #grow #connect #serve

god love jesus christ world bible christians spiritual scripture discipleship advancing christlike everything god henry drummond

The Listening to God Pamphlet: A God Personal to Me

Father Bill W.

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 13, 2022 38:24

Father Bill continues a deep dive into this Oxford Group set of instructions for being loved and guided by an Inner Voice. Like any experiment, the process requires a degree of “open mindedness” and “willingness” to begin. This episode focuses on the pamphlet's assertion that “God has an interest and plan for each of us” as well as “an answer for every need and problem we face.” This pamphlet has proved a Life-Changer to many in 12-Step recovery. Show Notes: A.A. Comes of Age: https://www.aa.org/alcoholics-anonymous-comes-age/ First Corinthians 13: https://biblia.com/bible/esv/1-corinthians/13/ Henry Drummond, The Greatest Thing in the World pdf version (A commentary on the above popular with Dr. Bob and early AA's.) https://manybooks.net/titles/drummondh1673916739-8.html/ Three Scriptures popular with the Oxford Group and early AAs. (Dr. Bob's Legacy) - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1u_RW58z7d_4fPIKs3E3vJH0MtVpwXNuZ/view?usp=sharing Original Oxford Group Pamphlet Two Way Prayer - AA's Lost Tool for Practicing the 11th Step To support Father Bill W. and Two Way Prayer with a donation, please visit: https://www.twowayprayer.org/donate-1 If this has been helpful to you; please like, subscribe, share, and keep coming back! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/fatherbillw/support

god world personal practicing aa inner voice listening to god first corinthians aas pamphlets life changer father bill henry drummond

Journey through the Gospels #13 Mark 4:26-34 Amazing Grace

Sage Spirituality

Play Episode Listen Later May 17, 2022 41:24

In this episode, we consider a word widely used but rarely understood in the church and in the world. A word that can change even the worst sinner into a person of faith. Just like the old hymn reminds us, it truly is amazing. Its grace. Come to the table for our 50th episode and lean in as we discuss the one word that can truly change the world.

Is Love All We Really Need?

Guidelines For Living Devotional

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 17, 2022 4:50

In 1874 a young man, only 23 years of age, wrote a little book called "The Greatest Thing in the World." The thesis of Henry Drummond's work was that love is the most powerful force in the world. Someone may say, "That may have been true in his day, but it certainly does not hold water today. Things have changed!" I grant you, things have changed. That is one point no one will argue.

world henry drummond

The Greatest Obstacle To Faith

His24-7.com

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 23, 2022 30:55

Mark 6:1-6 Charles Spurgeon once said, “We often talk of unbelief as if it were an affliction to be pitied instead of a crime to be condemned.” Henry Drummond's words reiterate this when he states, “Christ never failed to distinguish between doubt and unbelief. Doubt is can't believe. Unbelief is won't believe. Doubt is honesty. Unbelief is obstinacy. Doubt is looking for light. Unbelief is contentment with darkness.” As I pondered Mark 6:1-6 this past week, the question arose in my heart, “Why couldn't they believe? And then it dawned on me. The people in Nazareth couldn't receive anything from Jesus because they thought they knew Who He was. Their hearts and minds were filled with presumptions, presuppositions and conclusions that were all totally wrong. Like the old spiritual says, “We didn't know Who You was.” They didn't know Who He was because they had already made up their minds Who He was. Because of that, they missed out on so much, and caused others to miss out as well. As we begin 2022, I pray that all of us will take time to set aside any presuppositions, assumptions and presumptions about the Lord so we can see Him as He really is. Let's make sure that we get to know Him, not just about Him.

jesus christ lord doubt nazareth unbelief obstacle henry drummond

Saying 'YES' to rest!

The Spacious Place, with Kari Levang

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 12, 2021 25:04

Christ's invitation to the weary and heavy-laden is a call to begin life over again upon a new principle--upon His own principle. "Watch My way of doing things," He says. "Follow Me. Take life as I take it. Be meek and lowly, and you will find Rest.” - Henry Drummond Today we'll finish up our conversation around the Matthew 11 passage. We'll land on rest and spend some time talking about what the invitation to get away with God actually means for us, as the beloved of God. I just know that by the end of the podcast you'll be eager to turn it off and get away with Jesus for the rest that he offers.

god jesus christ henry drummond

Marissa Culbreath plays the Stage Manager in “Our Town,” a Pulitzer Prize-winning classic being performed in repertory this summer at Arkansas Public Theatre with “Inherit the Wind,” in which Robert Mayfield plays defense attorney Henry Drummond. The actors chat with Becca Martin-Brown, Features editor, in this What’s Up! podcast. Read more about the productions at: https://www.nwaonline.com/news/2021/jul/25/collected-classics-our-town-inherit-the-wind/

theater wind arkansas pulitzer prize productions inherit stage managers our town public theatre henry drummond

Whats Up! - Summer productions at the Arkansas Public Theatre

Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 26, 2021 11:49

Marissa Culbreath plays the Stage Manager in “Our Town,” a Pulitzer Prize-winning classic being performed in repertory this summer at Arkansas Public Theatre with “Inherit the Wind,” in which Robert Mayfield plays defense attorney Henry Drummond. The actors chat with Becca Martin-Brown, Features editor, in this What's Up! podcast. Read more about the productions at: https://www.nwaonline.com/news/2021/jul/25/collected-classics-our-town-inherit-the-wind/

theater wind arkansas pulitzer prize productions inherit stage managers our town public theatre henry drummond

Leaving a Legacy - Part 3

God's Blueprint for Marriage

Play Episode Listen Later May 27, 2021 2:57

BUILDING A GOD HONORING AND FUTURE IMPACTING LEGACY Building a God honoring and future impacting legacy of destiny also requires developing a godly family. After church little Johnny sobbed all the way home. His father and mother asked him what was wrong, but he would not say. Eventually he came out with what it was. He said that the pastor said that he wanted the children to grow up in godly homes, but Johnny said, ‘I want to stay with you guys!' Well, do your children know for a fact that they are being brought up in a home where Christian values are being taught and modelled? The family is God's smallest battle formation. It is not supposed to be a holy huddle, but rather a safe place to retreat to, to be refreshed and built up from where to go out from and be salt and light in a mixed up and desperate world. God's plan for a fulfilling marriage and strategic family is in opposition to the world's plan. The world's plan focusses on self-gratification and self-promotion where spouses inevitably drift apart and ultimately find themselves in the very disillusioned position of isolation. God's plan for marriage focusses on glorifying God and building oneness through the power of the Holy Spirit. The result is peace and harmony and growing ONENESS. Children are trained to face a dangerous world out there. Remember: Your family influences future generations! Dietrich Bonhoeffer said: “The righteous man lives for the next generations.” Henry Drummond said: “The Christian family is the supreme conductor of Christianity.” A happy family is not an end in itself! Let us adopt this transcendent view when it comes to the family. Leave your family an honorable legacy, not merely an inheritance. At our last session we will look at the greatest commission ever given by the greatest Person who ever lived.

god children holy spirit christianity oneness leaving a legacy dietrich bonhoeffer legacy part henry drummond

Empower Your Life with Love Fridays! The Land of Forever LOVE

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 30, 2021 56:42

Let your imagination flow! Enter the Land of Forever LOVE as Dr. Jean Marie Farish, LOVE LIGHT Host, takes you on an empowering soul journey. In this 'Dream Land', you will encounter a myriad of heart opening experiences that will awaken you to the true meaning of LOVE. Life unfolds in meaningful ways for each of us. Each person can experience their own personal journey in their own special and unique way. Join Dr. Jean, on a journey of awakening; learning the real meaning of LOVE; and and most importantly, coming home through a deep journey within. Dr. Jean is the author of The Long Journey Home, Living in the Spirit of Love: Our Natural State of Being, Journey To Wholeness: Reflections For Transforming Your Life; and Kindle eBooks, Living in Love: Character and Philosophy of Henry Drummond and My LOVE LIGHT Reflection Journal. Dr. Jean sees life as an amazing adventurous journey. She states, We are seasoned travelers of the labyrinth. Losing our way and finding our way; traveling on the beaten path and the road less travelled; eventually finding our way Home to the place of spiritual rest and fulfillment

Empower Your Life with Love Fridays! The Land of Forever LOVE

Joanie Stahls Field Notes

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 30, 2021 60:00

The Longing Soul of the Crucified Life

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 2, 2021 59:30

Thank you for supporting this ministry, I lovingly refer to as "The Little Green Pasture." Click here: PayPal: http://paypal.me/joanstahl Please prayerfully consider becoming a ministry partner: Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/joaniestahl It seems that the true Believers always have a deep longing within them that nothing can satisfy. They may love to hear well rounded messages, read inspired writings. They may love to fellowship and "go with the multitude to the house of God with them that keep holy day." Yet there is something deeper, something more, that no human can give them. The word "longing" in Greek means, to "wish, yearn, crave and desire." In Hebrew it means "roving, running, eager and thirsty." All of which describes the longing soul of a Crucified life in Christ while alive in this world. There is something that is never satisfied with the latest sermon, or theological exposition. There is something greater still, and it continues to deepen and deepen all throughout their whole lives. C.S. Lewis said, "If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world." In this very deep longing for Jesus Christ, they find themselves walking alone on the narrow path because it becomes that. It is hard, painful and intense, and yet on the other hand it is full of the life, joy and love of the Holy Spirit that intensifies. It is "the path of the just that that shineth more and more unto the perfect day" of eternity. Henry Drummond said it so beautifully, "It ought to be placed in the forefront of all Christian teaching that Christ's mission on earth was to give men Life. "I am come," He said, "that ye might have Life, and that ye might have it more abundantly." And that He meant literal Life, literal spiritual and Eternal Life, is clear from the whole course of His teaching and acting." Contact: Email: jsfieldnotes@gmail.com Website: www.joaniestahl.com --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/joanie-stahl/support

god jesus christ soul holy spirit greek paypal believers longing eternal life crucified in hebrew henry drummond

Empower Your Life with Love Fridays!

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 29, 2021 49:50

Love is our greatest challenge and the largest most magnificent experience in life. It can be exhilarating and joyful, and the absence of love can be quite painful. What stories are you telling yourself about love? Are you stuck in old patterns and outworn stories? Do you really know when you are being unloving to yourself? It's time to Break Free and create a new LOVE STORY! Join Dr. Jean Marie Farish, LOVE LIGHT Host and author of Living in the Spirit of Love: Our Natural State of Being and Living In Love: Character and Philosophy of Henry Drummond. Dive in to learn more about the phenomenon of love. Become more aware with deep thought provoking insights to stimulate self-introspection and self-reflection. This show, Have a LOVE AFFAIR with yourself, will focus on the 'Recipe of Love', including the ingredients of love, to help you become more loving and authentic; and to find joy in who you are created to be.

Empower Your Life with Love Fridays!

Mediaciones Diarias - Radio Gracia y Paz

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 29, 2021 60:00

"Si sabéis estas cosas, bienaventurados seréis si las hiciereis.” (Juan 13:17)

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 22, 2021 3:32

*Meditación**”Si sabéis estas cosas, bienaventurados seréis si las hiciereis.”* (Juan 13:17) Aquellos que enseñan y predican la fe cristiana deben practicar lo que predican. Están obligados a presentarse ante el mundo como un ejemplo viviente de la verdad. La voluntad de Dios es que la Palabra se encarne en las vidas de los Suyos. El mundo se impresiona más por la acción que por las palabras. ¿No era esto lo que Edgar Guest escribió una vez: “Preferiría antes ver un sermón que escucharlo”? Es bien conocido el dicho sarcástico que dice: “¡Lo que eres habla tan fuerte que no puedo oír lo que dices!” Se decía de un predicador que cuando estaba en el púlpito la gente deseaba que nunca lo dejara; pero cuando estaba fuera del púlpito, la gente deseaba que nunca subiera a él. H. A. Ironside decía, “Nada sella más los labios que la vida”. De modo similar, Henry Drummond escribió: “El hombre es el mensaje”. Carlyle añadió su testimonio: “La vida santa es el mejor argumento que aboga por Dios en una era de hechos... Las palabras tienen peso cuando tienen a un hombre detrás de ellas”. E. Stanley Jones decía: “La palabra tiene que encarnarse en nosotros antes de que pueda ser poder a través de nosotros”. “Si predico lo correcto pero no lo vivo, estoy diciendo una mentira acerca de Dios”, decía Oswald Chambers. Por supuesto que sabemos que el Señor Jesucristo es el Único que encarna perfectamente lo que enseña. No hay contradicción entre Su vida y Su mensaje. Cuando los judíos le preguntaron: “¿Tú quién eres? Jesús les dijo: lo que desde el principio os he dicho” (Jn. 8:25). Su conducta correspondía a Sus declaraciones. Nuestro proceder debe ser así cada vez más. Dos hermanos eran doctores, uno era predicador y el otro médico. Un día una mujer atormentada fue a ver al predicador, pero no estaba segura de cuál de los doctores vivía allí. Cuando el predicador abrió la puerta, ella preguntó: “¿Es usted el doctor que predica o el que practica?” La pregunta le impresionó haciéndole ver la necesidad de ser un ejemplo vivo de lo que enseñaba.

cuando dios nuestro cosas sus palabra jesucristo meditaci jn carlyle bienaventurados ironside oswald chambers preferir stanley jones edgar guest henry drummond

Friday Family Film Night: INHERIT THE WIND review

FRIDAY FAMILY FILM NIGHT

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 11, 2020 29:52

In which the Mister and the Monsters join me in reviewing INHERIT THE WIND (1960), currently streaming on Amazon Prime. Loosely based on the real life trial in 1925 of the State of Tennessee versus John Thomas Scopes, the film is a re-imagined retelling from the stage play by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee. The movie tells the story of the arrest of Bertram Cates (Dick York) the teacher who decided to champion evolution over creationism in the classroom and purposely going against state legislature. The cast includes greats like Spencer Tracy as Henry Drummond, Frederic March as Matthew Harrison Brady and in a role that was against type, Gene Kelly plays newspaper man E.K. Hornbeck. The film is directed by the legendary Stanley Kramer. The film and some of the speeches really resonant, even today in 2020. Below we've attached one of our favorite scenes the film where Henry just goes off: "Because fanaticism and ignorance is forever busy and needs feeding." Please note there are SPOILERS in this review. #ScienceMatters #TruthMatters Check out our favorite Drummond speech: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YUnOHihAU0&feature=youtu.be --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jokagoge/support

spoilers state tennessee amazon prime monsters mister drummond robert e lee gene kelly spencer tracy family films stanley kramer inherit the wind film night henry drummond john thomas scopes

Episode 14 - The Greatest Thing in the World is Love (MHYG)

Tremendous Leadership with Dr. Tracey Jones

Play Episode Listen Later May 13, 2020 7:26

Recapping from the beginning of the Coronavirus quarantine, Tremendous Leadership had given away 14 days of free ebooks. After receiving great feedback that centered around a few TREMENDOUS titles, Dr. Tracey C. Jones and Leah Hess share quotes and feedback from their Tremendous Tribe. This video features a Life-Changing Classic by Henry Drummond, "The Greatest Thing in the World". Quotes: “You don’t give to get, that’s trading. You give to give.” -Charlie “Tremendous” Jones “We need kindness more than we need a cure” -Dr. Tracey Jones “I didn't marry my wonderful husband because I thought he'd complete me or he was my soul mate. I got married to enter the covenant of marriage so that I could learn to love one other person on this planet the way Christ loves me.” -Dr. Tracey C. Jones References: Tracey is wearing a Southwestern ‘Book Girl’ shirt, representing one of her first jobs selling books Purchase your copy of The Greatest Thing in the World: https://tremendousleadership.com/products/greatest-thing-in-the-world-laws-of-leadership-series-volume-iv Two whole weeks of a free ebook every day: https://mailchi.mp/tremendousleadership.com/ebooksforfree Find out more about Dr. Tracey Jones at https://www.traceycjones.com/ More about Tremendous Leadership at https://tremendousleadership.com/ Pre-order Dr. Jones' new book at https://tremendousleadership.com/pages/spark-pre-sale

jesus christ world coronavirus recapping tremendous tracey jones charlie tremendous jones henry drummond tracey c jones

A Giving Heart

Five Minutes with Tony Agnesi

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 18, 2020

The father was unemployed, the oldest child was ill, and every penny they had could hardly keep the family together. “Wouldn’t it be nice,” the preacher offered, “if the congregation would all bring in what they could next Sunday and present it to this wonderful family.” In this podcast, Tony discusses The Giving Heart.Scripture: “When he looked up he saw some wealthy people putting their offerings into the treasury and he noticed a poor widow putting in two small coins. He said, “I tell you truly, this poor widow put in more than all the rest; for those others have all made offerings from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, has offered her whole livelihood.” –Luke 21:1-4Quote: “The most obvious lesson in Christ’s teaching is that there is no happiness in having or getting anything, but only in giving.” –Henry DrummondReflections: Who are the most Christ-like people you know? Do you believe that generosity has little to do with the amount of money involved? How do we measure our generosity?If you have enjoyed listening to this podcast, please subscribe by clinking the Follow Link on the lest hand side of the page. Don't miss a single Five Minutes with Tony Podcast!

jesus christ giving scripture reflections arial helvetica five minutes verdana henry drummond

Love - The Greatest Thing in the World (Part 3)

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 18, 2020 21:12

First published in 1891, Henry Drummond's classic treatise on Love, based on 1 Corinthians 13, provides extraordinary insight into this greatest of virtues. ~m

Love - The Greatest Thing in the World (Part 2)

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 10, 2020 38:23

First published in 1891, Henry Drummond's classic treatise on Love, based on 1 Corinthians 13, provides extraordinary insight into this greatest of virtues. ~m

Love - The Greatest Thing in the World (Part 1)

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 6, 2020 11:32

First published in 1891, Henry Drummond's classic treatise on Love, based on 1 Corinthians 13, provides extraordinary insight into this greatest of virtues. ~m

lord religion spiritual recovery addiction temptation lds motivational monday resent henry drummond

Episode 5: Motivational Monday - Do not resent temptation

Mountain Mama Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 3, 2020 8:51

This Monday I am sharing a mini episode to give you a little bit of inspiration and motivation. Sometimes temptations can be so trying and seem to never cease. At times in my recovery I have felt not only defeated but also frustrated with myself and the Lord for the trials and temptations that addiction and recovery can bring. However it is often in these moments of distress and temptation that we are able to grow and become stronger. My message this week is to not "resent your temptations". I share to uplifting quotes, one from Henry Drummond and another from Whitney Orsen.

36. Tri-Cities Influencer Podcast featuring Ana Ruiz

Tri-Cities Influencer Podcast with Paul Casey

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 26, 2019 32:32

Cynthia Marquez: Sometimes to begin a new story, you have to let the old one in. Author unknown. I am Cynthia Marquez and I am a Tri-Cities influencer. Paul Casey: Keep reinforcing that everyone must place the common good of the team above their own agenda. If one area wins, the whole team wins. Announcer: Raising the water level of leadership in the Tri-Cities of Eastern Washington, it's the Tri-Cities Influencer podcast. Welcome to the Tri-Cities Influencer podcast where Paul Casey interviews, local leaders like CEOs, entrepreneurs and nonprofit executives to hear how they lead themselves and their teams so that we can all benefit from their experiences. Announcer: Here's your host, Paul Casey of Growing Forward Services, coaching and equipping individuals and teams to spark breakthrough success. Paul Casey: Thanks for joining me for today's the episode with Ana Ruiz. She is the director of public relations and marketing for Fiesta foods. She's also the board chair for Tri-Cities Community Health and a board member for the Tri-Cities Regional Chamber of Commerce. And a fun fact about her is she confessed that she watches Real Housewives. Yes, it is her guilty pleasure. Ana Ruiz: Yes. Paul Casey: So most of us have a Netflix vice show and that one's yours. So thanks for being real. All righty, right off the bat. Ana Ruiz: Well, yes, I like it. I confess. Well now everybody knows, I guess. Paul Casey: Now we know. Ana Ruiz: Yeah. But I was listening to NPR and one of the psychologists from Harvard, she was just doing a study on the phenomenon why successful women like the Real Housewives you would think, it's a brainless show. Paul Casey: Right, right. And what'd they say? Ana Ruiz: Well, they couldn't figure out, so apparently it is true that successful women that love it. And then I found out some other really, really good friends, they are amazing ladies, we watch it together so we are texting each other. Paul Casey: Sounds like a social thing. Ana Ruiz: It's a social thing, but there's nothing that... Anyway, so we won't dive into it. It's going to be cut off from this. Paul Casey: Edit that out. Well, before we begin, let's check in with our Tri-City Influencer sponsors. Neal Taylor: Hello, my name is Neal Taylor. I am the managing attorney for Gravis Law's commercial transactions team. The CT team helps business owners, investors and entrepreneurs accelerate and protect their business value. Today we're talking about employment law and alcohol and cannabis licensing. Josh Bam and Derek Johnson are both here with me now to describe those practice areas. Take it Derrick. Derek Johnson: Thanks Neal. I'm Derek Johnson, partner at Gravis Law. We find that many employers in Washington State simply don't have handbooks, employee policies, or any other written materials to protect themselves and their employees. Without having these types of policies in place, an employer can run into trouble by firing employees, even if the employee isn't properly performing or are causing issues at work. Even if an employer fires someone for performance, for example, but fails to take the proper steps, they may run into trouble by inadvertently exposing themselves to a wrongful termination suit. Derek Johnson: We build strong, predictable and protective employee policies to protect our client's business. Josh Bam : That's true. Thanks Derek. And having employment policies in place when you're dealing with cannabis or alcohol licensing is especially important. We know that clean employment policies, clean corporate structure, and having an attorney that can work with the Washington State Liquor and Cannabis Board is critically important to protecting your business through licensing. The attorneys at Gravis Law have this experience. Visit us today, www.GravisLaw.com Paul Casey: Thank you for your support of leadership development in the Tri-Cities. Well, welcome Ana. I was privileged to meet you. It's been three or four years ago, maybe it's been longer where, I was at a chamber of commerce meeting and I had heard, if you know someone's going to be at a meeting and you want to get to know that person, contact them in advance and say, "Hey, can you save me a seat at the event?" So I've done this a couple of times- Ana Ruiz: That's the strategy, huh? Paul Casey: And that was my strategy. Ana Ruiz: Oh, there you- Paul Casey: So I'm like, "Can we hang out?" You're like, "Absolutely. I'm sitting right over there," and we were networking with other people and then we ended up sitting next to each other. I think we talked throughout the whole program, which was disrespectful, but we had a good time. And I learned that you were a graduate of Leadership Tri-Cities, which I am as well. Your class- Ana Ruiz: What class? Paul Casey: I'm class '11. Ana Ruiz: I'm class '18. Paul Casey: We did a little like '11 thing gang symbol Ana Ruiz: '18, and then we have our recent graduate over there too. Paul Casey: Yes, Brandon, our producer, Class 24. Ana Ruiz: Brandon, yeah. Paul Casey: So that was cool to make that connection as well. We've been friends ever since. So that's been awesome. Ana Ruiz: And he is the one... You are my business coach, and you are the one that I blame for all of the turmoil that I went through these last two years. This whole... I don't know, probably that development, that growth and that transformation. With you as my business coach, the questions you were asking me was like being... Sitting on a chair with charcoal, it was torturous. Ana Ruiz: So when I go, "I need," that made me just realize, "Okay, I need to put a break here and then really think through what I want to do." Paul Casey: Yes. Ana Ruiz: You had all these accomplishments and awards and that stuff, but I knew there was more. And you got that out of me, so thank you. Paul Casey: Absolutely. Yes, we're whole people, right? So this professional face that everyone sees, there's this personal thing. We're all having a hard journey. We're all going through struggles. And I just love my job to be able to coach people and help them, and pull out what was already inside you. Just pulling that out of you, so that you could grow forward. So that was a pleasure. Ana Ruiz: Oh, it was you. Thank you. Paul Casey: So our Tri-Cities influencers can get to know you a little bit better, take us through your past positions that led up to you're doing now. Ana Ruiz: Well, I already gave a little intro into what led up to what I'm doing right now. So I am director of PR and Marketing for Fiesta Foods, and this was kind of again, one of those job offers at the beginning. My boss, I've had offered that job like two times before and I would sharply say, every time, like, I'm not going to work for you. I will not work for you." Ana Ruiz: But then again, he's like, "Okay," I see he was serious obviously. He asked me this is what I need you for. And it was just perfect. So, but before that, what got me there, I took a break and I was listening. We were at The Women In Business Conference and the keynote speaker said... She was very successful in through sports career since she was little. Ana Ruiz: And then when she was ready to retire, she didn't know what she was going to do after that and to her about 18 months to find what was next for her. And then it clicked on me as well, so like, Well, it's nothing too foreign or there's not necessarily a timeline or time limit on how long is it going to take you to find what's going to be next." Ana Ruiz: So it took me about 18 months also. A little bit less than 18 months to find what was next, what I wanted to do. So I went to school. It took about that time. But what I'm really passionate about is showing people what I see through my eyes, highlighting and supporting people. Paul Casey: Fantastic. When you got in this position, what was your original vision? Have you created this position sort of from the ground up? Did it exist before you and then how has that sort of morphed since you've been on board? Ana Ruiz: Yes, this is a new position, so I am creating it as I go. Paul Casey: That's fun. Ana Ruiz: Especially with any independent grocer. Fiesta Foods is an independent grocer. We're not your Winco, your Walmart, we are a local grocer. This is a small chain, so it's hard to compete in that bigger world with those bigger grocers, so how do we position ourselves for growth and for sustainability? Ana Ruiz: So redoing all the marketing and now digital marketing. And so having that and how do we carry ourselves into the future? And also not only for Fiesta Foods, but also helping other grocers as well. Paul Casey: Wow. Okay. Ana Ruiz: Yeah. Paul Casey: Well, what are you most passionate about in the business right now? Ana Ruiz: So I wear many hats. Paul Casey: Yeah, that's fun too. Ana Ruiz: I wear many hats. Again, like I told you hanging out with producers, with vendors, which they are entrepreneurs. I'm hearing their stories and their dreams. It's always very inspiring with our workers, with our team members it's to hear their stories. I love it. I tell them, "My job is super fun because I just get to highlight the good that we're already doing." We get to highlight, "You are the star of the show. I just put the spotlight on you. You come every morning, you make us better." And that's my job. And how do we wear that on? How do we communicate that? It's also very important. Paul Casey: Yeah, I do. I do wedding officiating off to the side. I don't know if he knew that. Ana Ruiz: Yes. Paul Casey: But I feel that same way when I get to showcase that couple, and just be sort of in the background. But setting them up for their happy day. So I'm sure in a way you have that same feeling when you get to showcase all the wonderful people that contribute to your business. Ana Ruiz: Yep, and position us for growth, so that's something kind of the work the job that I'm doing behind the scenes. Getting ready to grow, keep growing. Paul Casey: Well, talk to me about the team there at Fiesta, maybe what your role or your boss's role as there trying to create a culture that is really distinctive. Ana Ruiz: It is so interesting because he's funny grocer, but if you look at the team members, there's Anglos and Latinos and just about everything there. So it's very nice to see how we all know this is who we are. We cater to the Hispanic community, the Hispanic market, so learning about the culture. Everybody has to learn about the culture, whether like getting, talking about the tortilla pressers or the fresh made bakery pasteles or el pan. Ana Ruiz: So all those things, it's really nice to see that. I've been in this position for five months, fairly new. So traditionally and probably this is something that many do when you're starting a new position, you are more quiet and you're listening and you're learning. This is a new industry, completely new industry for me, so I'm learning a lot about the grocery industry. Ana Ruiz: So right now I'm on the absorption mode mode and just trying to get to know everybody, team members, and every position. I'm learning about the codes when you are a four zero one one that's bananas. So learning about every position is something that is really important for me. I get to see like a mile in their shoes of every position there. Ana Ruiz: So right now I'm more quiet. I'm listening as far as the culture goes. Later there will be other things that will be coming up and how do we continue improving the culture? Paul Casey: Yeah, I like that. Listening when you're new so Tri-City influencers, if you're listening to this, you want to come in, you want to enact change, you want to do stuff. And it's like, no, actually the wisdom is to sit back and listen for a while and develop the relationships. Paul Casey: I had a boss say that once that, "If I could write a 90 day plan for you, Paul, and your first 90 days it'd be relationships, relationships." I mean he made the font style bigger for all three, like, relationships and then relationships. And then it was like 72 font with relationships, and that sort of took the pressure off of having to do stuff right away. But it's like, no learn. Like you said, absorption mode. That's pretty cool because that's exactly what it takes. Ana Ruiz: So for these positions, that's where I am. In other positions that I do or leadership positions, I've been on Tri-Cities Community Health. You ask me, in your volunteer capacity, what makes you more proud of. And it takes years. It takes time. Ana Ruiz: So I am board chair for Tri-Cities Community Health. It is a nonprofit. We are a community health center. We have around 125,000 visits a year. We have close to 27,000 patients that we serve, so and it is a community health center. So it took years for me to learn and now to guide it and to have a vision again, just being patient. Ana Ruiz: I have to learn to be patient and I had a vision before, so it took years for that. We just completed our strategic priorities. Now we have that. We have our new CEO who's amazing. We have a brand new leadership team. It took years to get to where we are right now. So setting us for the future and especially in healthcare, which needs transformation, healthcare transformation is the way of the future right now. So making sure that we're positioned there. Ana Ruiz: It took also many years, so it's not uncommon to probably be in listening mode more than speaking mode. Paul Casey: And what values stayed the same there at Tri-Cities Community Health even through all the different CEOs or different... While you're listening, you probably saw some current themes. I mean some common themes along the way. What do you say what those values are? Ana Ruiz: Compassion. We take care of people when they are hurting medically or emotionally. So compassion is something that if when I talk to doctors and all of our teams and from leadership top down, everybody is very passionate and in compassion. Right? So that's something that stands out there. Paul Casey: And it's so important to know what those core values are because all your decisions and how you treat one another are based on those core values. Ana Ruiz: Yes. Paul Casey: Well talk to me about staff or employees. How does the organizations you've been in keep people inspired and affirmed? Ana Ruiz: I think you have to lead by example, and I remind everybody, be a customer service expert. And not only that, but when you go there, you meet people just with a smile and with a genuine smile. And when we talk to our team members, reminding them, I mean we are here to provide an experience, right? When we're dealing with other people, regardless of what your job is or your position or the industry, you work, I mean, just having a good customer service, a good smile is so important. Makes it a lot easier. Ana Ruiz: It makes your job easier. It makes your day easier. It makes everything so much fun. Right? So I think that's something that is very big at Fiesta. Paul Casey: Yeah. The smile is contagious. I know it's a Little thing, but it makes a big difference. People then reflect your smile back. They feel better, and we have to remind our team what those core values are. Those things that will make a difference with customers and clients. Ana Ruiz: That's is true. Paul Casey: Well, Ana, no one wants to get stale in leadership, so how do you stay relevant? How do you stay on the cutting edge of now it's marketing, public relations in your volunteer role with healthcare? How do you foster innovation in those organizations? Tell me about that. Ana Ruiz: Well as I said, you're developing, you're evolving and knowing what's happening in the industry, what's going to keep you again relevant. And not only that, but afloat and thriving. It is very important. Ana Ruiz: So as you are leading an organization you need to stop and you need to understand that. And make sure that you know you are well versed on your industry. So education. Paul Casey: Is that through reading or is that through hanging out with different people or is that going to conferences? How do you that? Ana Ruiz: It's a combination of all of them. Going to conferences, the group of consultants that are friends that you have. I do have a group of close consultants that if I have a question I go to them and mentors. Paul Casey: Awesome. We all definitely need mentors. And I interviewed one of the top leaders in the Tri-Cities a few years ago before I started doing the podcast and he said, mentoring was the thing that at each time of his life when there was an uptick, when it was a high, there was a mentor in his life at that point. And he's able to look back now over four or five of those and say, "Oh there was always a mentor there that helped that high point in my life." Ana Ruiz: Definitely. I mean, I couldn't be where I am if I didn't have the mentors that I've had throughout the years and have helped me and guided me through some concerns or questions that I've had. That I kind of make a phone call, "Hey, are you ready? Can I still by and just have a glass of wine or two?" And then two in the morning later... Ana Ruiz: That they do have an effort and that you appoint on helping. I've been mentored. So I also like to mentor. If anybody needs anything or help, I have made myself available for that. So yeah, Paul Casey: That's fantastic. And I think a lot of influencers have that same servant/leader attitude of, "If I were asked, I would mentor." But it's sometimes scary to ask someone to be your mentor and you don't even have to use that word. You could probably just, "Hey, can I pick your brain? Can I ask for some advice?" So we need to not be scared about that, but to just be willing to ask for help. Paul Casey: So before we head into our next question on what makes a good day for Ana, let's shout out to our sponsors. Paul Casey: Jason Hogue, American Family Insurance. Jason, what is the biggest pushback you'd get about life insurance? Jason Hogue: Hey, Paul. Yeah, one of the biggest pushbacks I get from life insurance is from folks that are single. They're usually usually ask me, "Why do I even need this? I don't have kids, I don't have any dependents or a spouse. Why do I need this?" Jason Hogue: Ultimately whenever you pass on, there's going to be somebody there to pick up the pieces. There's going to be somebody to deal with your affairs. And I would say it's your responsibility to make sure that there is funds, that there's money there so that person can take the time needed to go through it properly. And not make it their responsibility. Paul Casey: Awesome, Jason. So tell us, how can our listeners get in touch with you? Jason Hogue: You can swing by our office on Road 68 in Pasco or give us a call at (509) 547-0540. Paul Casey: So Ana, what makes it a good day for you personally? When you go at the end of the day, you put your head on your pillow and you think back and go, "It was a good day today," what's going on in that day to make it good? Ana Ruiz: I have a list of things that I want to accomplish and they used to be really long. So it made me be a little frustrated with myself when I wasn't able to get that list done. So I just narrowed it down to three things. Paul Casey: Yes, three things. I teach that. I love that. Ana Ruiz: Three things. If I get those three things done, is is amazing. Plus, I am a... I mean and you are that too. You're a person of faith and a spiritual person, so "God, this is your day. You are the driver. Let it be your will be done. And let me see what you have in store for me." Ana Ruiz: So to see that, yes, and then to know that my three things were accomplished and then some extra fun things along the way. It is so nice. I mean just to see all His creation of the things that he has. How He sparkles a day. It feels so good. Ana Ruiz: And then see having a nice dinner. I love eating outside. Yeah, so having a nice dinner. I love having dinners with my kids as a family. It's a little more challenging because they're growing and especially right now with the transition that we're going through, it's a little bit more challenging, but that makes it work for a fun and good way of finishing the day. Paul Casey: So we can find you in a patio at a restaurant somewhere around the Tri-Cities. Ana Ruiz: Oh, yes. I like that. Paul Casey: No, I love what you said how God will sparkle the day. That is really cool because you're entering the day with an anticipation of what's the cool thing that's going to happen today? And that sort of just kick starts you into a day when you might be tired of waking up. Like "No, something cool is going to happen today." Ana Ruiz: Every day, every day. And then you look back and like, "God, you are amazing. You're just too much!" Paul Casey: I know. I know. Ana Ruiz: Yes. Paul Casey: And the three things, it's not five, it's not seven, it's not 12 because then you get discouraged when you don't get the whole list done, so you said, "I'm going to chop it down." We call them the big rocks, right? Ana Ruiz: Yeah. Paul Casey: The three big rocks to get done. If you do that earlier in the day, then you're probably going to get more than three things done. But at least you got your three priorities done. Ana Ruiz: And everybody has their own, the times where you're more most productive. For me is in the morning. Like at five my brain starts working, and I start texting people, calling people, emailing people. So I- Paul Casey: 5:00 in the AM. Ana Ruiz: Oh dear Lord. Yes. Well, and that's changing lately. That has changed lately, but most of the time is early. Paul Casey: Yeah, I found on this podcast, as I interview more and more influencers, the morning people are the ones that get a lot done. Ana Ruiz: Yes. And then if I think I'll have something at the end of the day, like seven, eight, nine, sorry. I do. A quick email or text message. Paul Casey: Yep. to wrap it up. Ana Ruiz: Yeah. Paul Casey: Well take us behind the scenes of your life a little bit more. What is your best habit and what is your worst habit? So the thing that kick starts you and makes you even most productive, and then that thing that's sort of you sabotage yourself a little bit once in a while with that thing. How about your best habit first? Ana Ruiz: My best and my worst it would be probably the same because that's the one that I haven't... It's been a little weak lately. I miss it so much, so prayer is something that is really important. And I haven't done that lately, but I know when I do it, it makes the day super productive. Ana Ruiz: And right now it's not a very good habit because I am not following that much, so- Paul Casey: So when you are doing it, it gives you that power. Ana Ruiz: Yes. Like yesterday I went to... I haven't gone to confession for sometime, and I went to visit the Blessed Sacrament. ] Like, "Oh my God. I miss him so much." And then I went to confessions, so yeah. It does- Paul Casey: Well, it connects with that key core value in your own life, and when you're living on track with that, things are going great and when you realize, "Oh, something's missing," then you got to get back to it. Ana Ruiz: Yes, yes, yes, yes. Paul Casey: Whatever that is. Ana Ruiz: And in the morning I like to read the newspaper. Right now, with the digital thing now, everything's an app. So reading the newspaper in the morning, is something that keeps me connected. And I don't watch much TV, but reading the news is something that I like. And keeping myself informed is something that I like too. Paul Casey: Do you have a favorite quote that inspires you or a motto or a theme for your life? Ana Ruiz: Many, but I can't remember anything right now. All of them went away. Paul Casey: No worries. Ana Ruiz: But if you look through my Facebook, on the wall, I go through, there is a Facebook page. The Jesuits, Midwest Jesuits. So they have quotes all the time. So I go through them and the one that inspires me is the one that I put there. So you can see kind of the evolution of what is moving me and what's inspiring me and things. Yeah, so there's a lot of good nuggets there. Paul Casey: Yeah. How about a book, a favorite book that everybody should read? Is there any book that's been really inspirational for you? Ana Ruiz: Well, it just makes you dream and disconnects you a little bit. That one. I like it. It's just soothing for me. Paul Casey: Who would you say in town is an influencer that Tri-City-ians should meet? Who do you see at many events and you sort of look up to that person. And go, "Wow, that person has great influence in the Tri-Cities." Ana Ruiz: Oh, there are many. I mean when I moved here to Tri-Cities first, when we got invited to come to Pasco, and I'm like, "What's Pasco? What's that anyway?" And then I got here and I was looking at the city as a recent immigrant. Then I looking at the school district, the school system, government, and I was like, "There's something really special about this community. I want to get to know and help." Ana Ruiz: So the decisions where we have right now, it's based on decisions that were made 30, 40, 50 years ago. So to get to know some of those people and the vision they have is just pretty awesome. And so there are many. Ana Ruiz: For the school district, I know she retired recently, school Superintendent, Sandra Hill. She's an amazing lady and amazing visionary. Also Jean Ryckman. She is the Port of Pasco Board President. So those are two wonderful... Kris Watkins, she just retired and getting to know and see all the work that she's done. Like "Oh,"- Paul Casey: Visit Tri-Cities, yeah. Ana Ruiz: Visit Tri-Cities. She was leadership Tri-Cities also. She she had that vision and she was... So all that story is just amazing. Getting to know now Sue Frost is a great lady. I was, well I just thought- Paul Casey: Well it seems like the common thread of those, you said the word vision a few times. So you look up to people that have that snapshot of the future. Ana Ruiz: Yes, and it takes years. It takes years. So it gave me some more patience because I by nature, I'm very impatient. So I think through seeing that, that it takes years to see things come to fruition. And sometimes you might not see them and somebody else will, but doesn't matter. The vision that I had of creating a sisterhood with Colima and that was 20 years. Paul Casey: Really? 20 years. Ana Ruiz: It took 20 years, so now that's something that is on the works and learning how to make it solid and happen, right? So just working on that. It took many years. Paul Casey: Now leaders are action oriented people. So I think we do get more impatient because we want to see that vision come to reality, and it's good wisdom to say we've got to slow down and follow the process. And it's going to be really great. We can't rush greatness. Ana Ruiz: You have to find their right people, the right time, you want something to be solid. So again, finding the right team to drive- Paul Casey: The team and time. Yep. Ana Ruiz: And time. It's is key for that. So patience. Paul Casey: So if you left a letter on your desk for the leader at Tri-Cities Community Health or the leader at Fiesta who comes after you, what would that letter say? What advice would you give to that person that comes after you? Ana Ruiz: So for a business or a for-profit is different a little bit than a nonprofit, but I think, listen, listen and listen some more. I think that is something that I would tell everybody. Just be a good listener. And that that applies to both to business, even though on business, you need to be quicker with your feet to react to changes. So that's one. Ana Ruiz: But for Tri-Cities Community Health, be a good listener, be compassionate always. Paul Casey: Awesome advice. Any other advice you would give to influencers here in the Tri-Cities that are listening? Ana Ruiz: You have to be, again, I think the recurring theme is you have to be patient. And when you were talking to people, we're dealing with humans, right? When you are in front of somebody, that other person has their story, ups and downs. So being mindful of that. Sometimes we might make mistakes, and we have to also have that in mind that we are all humans. And we make mistakes, and we also have to be ready to forgive. Paul Casey: Yeah. Full of grace. Full of grace. Well, how can our listeners best connect to you if they want to get in touch with you? Ana Ruiz: So my email... They can get ahold of me by email. I don't know if I need to say it here? Paul Casey: Yeah, go ahead and say it all. Ana Ruiz: So Ana, A-N-A @fiesta-foods.com. You can get a hold of me there or Facebook, you can send me a message there or a phone number. Maybe give me a call as well yeah. Paul Casey: Awesome. Well thanks again for all you do to make the Tri-Cities a great place and keep leading well. Ana Ruiz: Thank you. It takes a village, right? Paul Casey: Sure does. Ana Ruiz: Nobody can do it alone. Thank you. Paul Casey: Let me wrap up our podcast today with a leadership resource to recommend. It's the Disc Survey. So you might've heard of Disc. A lot of our guests have talked about it D-I-S-C, and you can get a free version from this at Tony Robbins website. Tony Robbins with two Bs .com/disc. And you can take a free version. It won't give you all the bells and whistles, but it will identify which are your top-rated personality traits, D, I, S or C. Whether you're more of a dominant person, more of an influential, a steady or a conscientious person, so again, TonyRobbins.com/disc. Paul Casey: And don't forget to consider patronizing our sponsors of Tri-City Influencer, Gravis Law and Jason Hogue, American Family Insurance. Paul Casey: Finally, one more leadership tidbit for the road to help you make a difference in your circle of influence. It goes on that compassion theme that Ana was talking about. It's by Henry Drummond. He said, "You will find as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." Keep growing forward. Announcer: If you enjoyed this podcast or piqued your interest in learning more about leadership and self-leadership, you can continue to glean from Paul and his Growing Forward Services. Check out Paul's blog and the products, tips and tools on his website at www.PaulCasey.org, and opt into his Target Practice, inspirational e-newsletter. You'll get his 33 top tips for becoming a time management rock star when you subscribe and consider buying one of his three books. The most recent one being Leaving The Team You've Always Wanted. Paul Casey: This podcast has been produced by Bonsai Audio at Fuse Coworking Space.

God Created With Functional Maturity

Creation Article Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 24, 2019 15:39

There is an errant concept of ‘creation with apparent age’. A hypothetical modern observer who travelled back in time to see Adam and Eve at the end of Day 6 might infer that they were 20-year-old adults, but in reality they were less than a day old. Similarly, the trees on Day 3 would be mature trees, and a time-traveling observer might infer that they were hundreds of years old. So the question has been asked, “Why would God deceive us with apparent age of past events before the week of creation?” By Jonathan Sarfati Originally published March, 2015 Note: This article was originally extracted and adapted from the author’s landmark 2015 book The Genesis Account: A theological, historical, and scientific commentary on Genesis 1–11. Helpful resources The Genesis Account Creation Magazine The Genesis Academy Creation Answers Book Links and show notes Original article: God Created With Functional Maturity, Not ‘Appearance of Age’ Is Genesis poetry / figurative, a theological argument (polemic) and thus not history? How can distant starlight reach us in just 6,000 years? Age of the Sun Tree ring dating (dendrochronology) The 19th Century ferment—Charles Lyell, Thomas Chalmers, Henry Drummond, Philip Henry Gosse Analogy and geology—the ‘science’ of Charles Lyell

god maturity functional god created thomas chalmers charles lyell henry drummond

Love - The Greatest Thing in the World (Part 3)

Play Episode Listen Later May 8, 2019 21:12

First published in 1891, Henry Drummond's classic treatise on Love, based on 1 Corinthians 13, provides extraordinary insight into this greatest of virtues. ~m

Love - The Greatest Thing in the World (Part 2)

Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2019 38:23

First published in 1891, Henry Drummond's classic treatise on Love, based on 1 Corinthians 13, provides extraordinary insight into this greatest of virtues. ~m

Love - The Greatest Thing in the World (Part 1)

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 24, 2019 11:32

First published in 1891, Henry Drummond's classic treatise on Love, based on 1 Corinthians 13, provides extraordinary insight into this greatest of virtues. ~m

Forestburg Baptist Church

Known By Love

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 17, 2019 31:07

Henry Drummond; 19th century Scottish evangelist, biologist, writer, lecturer: “The moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”

scottish xd scripture: john 13:34-13:35 henry drummond

Let Love Be Your Identifier | Episode 160

Identity Advantage with Daphne Delay

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2019 18:31

"We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). It's an appropriate week to talk about the power LOVE has on our identity. We are all shaped by love (or the lack thereof). If identity is a sense of self, than an identifier is something that identifies a person or thing -- in other words, something that reveals identity. Henry Drummond, in his book The Greatest Thing in the World, said: "Would that we could all move into that love chapter and live there." Let's be known for our love ❤️ | LISTEN NOW |

love world let love identifier henry drummond

So I Kreach (Yeah) — Book 5, Ch. 5-8

New Wizards

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 12, 2017 33:15

We get an in-depth look at the Black family blood map, known in some cultures as a “family tree.” Harry waits in line for 5 hours at the wizard DMV. And critics are raving about Albus Dumbledore’s reimagining of Henry Drummond in “Inherit the Wind.”

black comedy wind fiction literature dmv inherit albus dumbledore henry drummond

The Greatest Thing in the World by Henry Drummond - Part 3 of 3

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 30, 2017 19:38

The final installment of Henry Drummond's classic work. First published c1880. ~m

The Greatest Thing in the World by Henry Drummond - Part 2 of 3

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 22, 2017 35:02

Part 2 of Henry Drummond's classic work. First published c1880. ~m

The Greatest Thing in the World by Henry Drummond - Part 1 of 3

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 16, 2017 13:02

Part 1 of Henry Drummond's classic work. First published c1880. ~m