Podcasts about holy jesus

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

No somos capaces de armonizar la justicia con la misericordia. El moralismo de entonces como el de ahora, sea "progre" o "retro" carece de compasión. No hay piedad para la persona "señalada". Por eso es tan sorprendente la reacción de Jesús al comienzo del octavo capítulo de la Buena Noticia según Juan, cuando le traen una mujer sorprendida en adulterio. "Antes de acusarme a mí, ¡mírate a ti mismo!" dice la canción de Bo Diddley en 1957, que escuchamos en la versión de Eric Clapton (Before You Accuse Me / Take A Look To Yourself), que oímos tras la sintonía de Ruta 66 por Nat King Cole. La situación a la que se enfrenta Jesús era claramente un complot. La mujer, probablemente una adolescente de 13 o 14 años, ha sido sorprendida en una ofensa que para los judíos merecía la pena de muerte, pero no hay rastro del hombre con que estaba y todo parece indicar una nueva conspiración para atrapar a Jesús. La ocultación es por ambas partes. Las Go-Go´s fue una de las pocas bandas de chicas, que a finales de los 70 en Los Ángeles tocaban, ellas mismas todos los instrumentos. En 1980 hicieron una gira con el grupo inglés de "revival" del "ska" jamaicano The Specials. La guitarrista y cantante californiana Jane Wiedlin empezó una relación a escondidas con el líder del grupo británico, Terry Hall, que tenía otra pareja. A ello se refiere la canción "Nuestros labios están sellados" (Our Lips Are Sealed). Todo ello desvela el "Pecado en mi corazón", que confiesa Siouxsie, otra de las musas de la "nueva ola" en la onda más siniestra del "post-punk", que canta en 1981 con sus Banshees, "SIn In My Heart". ¡No nos engañemos! "La gente no es buena", observa Nick Cave en 1987. Escuchamos esta vez el tema de "People Ain´t No Good" en una versión acústica que hizo el australiano con sus Bad Seeds para la radio que emite desde el "campus" de Santa Mónica a Los Ángeles, KRCW. La película que se llama en español e inglés, "Encuentros" o "Confesiones privadas" es una de las obras que escribió el director sueco Ingmar Bergman, poco antes de su muerte, para ser llevada al cine en este caso, por su compañera noruega Liv Ullman. Forma como una trilogía con "Las mejores intenciones" y "Niños de domingo" sobre su infancia y el matrimonio de sus padres. En este film de 1996 habla de la relación fuera del matrimonio de su madre con un seminarista de la iglesia luterana, cuando estaba casada con su padre, que era pastor. Se centra en la confesión de ella a su tío, el pastor que interpreta Max von Sydow. Escuchamos algunas escenas de la versión doblada, que comenta José de Segovia con la música de Bach y Shostakovich, que forma la banda sonora. El pecado se reconoce ante la santidad de Dios, que para Sufjan Stevens está también en Jesús (An Holy Jesus). Escuchamos el himno, como lo grabó para su disco de 2012 (Silver & Gold). La Misión de la Inocencia (The Innocence Mission) es una curiosa banda de folk-rock alternativo, formada en Lancaster en 1986. Conocidos por su canción de cumpleaños, tienen también un cántico a la "Misericordia" (Mercy) en 1989. El grupo formado en torno al matrimonio de Karen y Don Peris no se presenta como cristiano, pero no hay duda de que muchas de sus canciones están inspiradas por una profunda fe, que tiene en Cristo, su esperanza.

Purpose Statement: What happened when an Angel announced the birth of Jesus? An angel Gabriel was sent from Galilee to Nazareth to a virgin, Mary, and said “Greetings O favored one.” Mary was troubled. The Angel said, “Do not be afraid…” Mary, “How can this be?” Who is this Holy Jesus? What will He do? Elizabeth will also be pregnant. Mary said, “Behold, I will be your servant?” How should we worship?

Holy Jesus

In this thought-provoking and candid Easter episode of the Gettin Deep podcast, host Darcy Kavanagh is joined by the one and only Chad Von Chad for a unforgettable conversation. Buckle up as they dive into some of the darkest and most controversial topics, exploring how events like 9/11 impacted their childhoods and shaped their worldviews. But they don't stop there. Chad and Darcy courageously tackle the sensitive subject of school shooters, offering unique perspectives and insights that will challenge your beliefs. In the midst of heavy conversations, they also discuss the importance of finding nuggets of fun and using laughter as a coping mechanism to solve problems and bring light to dark situations. Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster ride filled with raw honesty, deep introspection, and unexpected moments of levity. Join Chad Von Chad and Darcy Kavanagh as they Get In Deep and prove that no topic is off-limits in their pursuit of truth and understanding. #GetInDeepPodcast #9/11 #SchoolShooters #DarkHumor #EasterSpecial #ChadVonChad #DarcyKavanagh

Learn more about St. Michael's at www.st-michaels.org.

Pastor Chris preaches on Isaiah 6:1-13.

 Scripture Reference: Matthew 8:1-4 It's one thing to be physically separated from your community, quite another to be spiritually ostracized. Jesus encounters a leper who suffers from both, but the healing Jesus brings demonstrates something astounding who still struggle with God's willingness to heal and his power to do so. Sermon Points: Jesus is Willing Jesus is Holy Jesus is Advancing

Message by Tom Greentree – Erickson Covenant Church

And the eleven disciples went into Galilee, unto the mountain where Jesus had appointed them.Undecim autem discipuli abierunt in Galilaeam in montem ubi consituerat illis Jesus.  17 And seeing him they adored: but some doubted.Et videntes eum adoraverunt : quidam autem dubitaverunt.  18 And Jesus coming, spoke to them, saying: All power is given to me in heaven and in earth.Et accedens Jesus locutus est eis, dicens : Data est mihi omnis potestas in caelo et in terra :  19 Going therefore, teach ye all nations; baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.euntes ergo docete omnes gentes : baptizantes eos in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti :  20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and behold I am with you all days, even to the consummation of the world.docentes eos servare omnia quaecumque mandavi vobis : et ecce ego vobiscum sum omnibus diebus, usque ad consummationem saeculi. Music: Ah, Holy Jesus.

Forgiveness in Jesus is free...but it wasn't cheap! Today we're going to take a look at Jesus just an hour or two before he's given into the hands of his enemies by Judas in the Garden of Gethsemane.   Can you imagine the conflict that Jesus had...a part of him that was terrified to drink the cup of suffering and the part of him that trusted his heavenly father completely. Listen to these verses today while they were the he Garden of Gethsemane.     We hope you enjoy this message!  If you have any questions you can email us at: votl.podcast@gmail.com Instagram: @votlchurch Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/votl.org/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbssSY_GyJMabh9W-sSVQpQ  Online: https://votl.org

Jesus opened the eyes of a man who hadn't ever seen – and He can open your eyes, too! Today our study is from John 9:1-12.  Let's discover together what God wants us to know as we walk through His Word.   **** Welcome to Walking in the Word, the biblical teaching arm of the Women World Leaders' podcast. My name is Julie Jenkins, and I'm honored to be your host. Women World Leaders offers many opportunities to grow, and one of those is our Leadership Connect, which is the third Monday of each month on Zoom. We are just coming off our February gathering, and if you missed it, you missed out! Our teaching this month was centered around developing your gifting as a leader – and I'm telling you, we had SO MUCH fun! If you did miss it, all is not lost! Go to our website, womenworldleaders.com, and sign up for our three-part series on polishing your leadership skills. All of the information is on our website under the events tab. And while you are there, check out all the other things happening at Women World Leaders, and be sure to fill out our contact form so you don't miss out on our NEXT Leadership Connect! If you are new to the podcast – Welcome! We have three offerings for you each week. On Mondays, founder Kimberly Hobbs hosts Empowering Lives with Purpose – a 30-minute interview with a different woman of faith who shares her God story. On Fridays, we have a team of leaders who host Celebrating God's Grace. This is a short podcast full of joy, meant to propel you into the weekend. And today, on Wednesdays, we get to walk through the Bible together as we study scripture and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal what He wants us to know today. We are currently walking through the Gospels chronologically, and we invite you to jump in wherever you are. Despite our locations, age, history, or ethnicity,  we are all one family seeking to learn and grow together. Our reading today comes from the book of John, chapter 9, verses 1-12, from the New Living Translation. This is actually a three-part message because there is just SO much packed in this chapter! So, spoiler alert, I will be leaving you with a cliffhanger today! But I do promise that God will teach us, and He won't mind if you open your Bible and read the rest of the story before next week's episode! Before we begin, let's pray… Dear Most Holy God, we thank you today for the provision of your Word. Today, we look forward to reading this story – the account of the man who was born blind who underwent a miraculous transformation in his life. Holy Spirit, you were there when this event occurred, and I ask you to illuminate this scripture for us. Help us read and understand with your eyes. Allow us to glean what you want us to know today from this God story that happened so long ago in a land that is foreign to us. Help us to experience your presence, Lord, as we spend these next few minutes with you. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen. As we begin our reading today, we know it was the Sabbath, and Jesus had been teaching in the Temple. John 9 picks up as Jesus and His disciples were leaving the Temple, likely finishing up their day. As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. Can you picture the scene? In Jesus' time, there wasn't much a blind man could do but beg, and I can just see this man sitting in the dust on the side of the road. There were probably many people coming and going, but he couldn't see any of them. I imagine he had “his spot” where he sat every day. Some people must have given him money, otherwise, he probably wouldn't have sat there. But I bet many people looked at him in disdain. Not that he could see the looks anyway, but he probably heard the murmurs. As he sat there, suddenly he felt the presence of several people stop in front of him as their shadows blocked out the feel of the setting sun on his face. And then he heard…  2 “Rabbi,” …“why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents' sins?” Ah yes, the age-old question. Everyone wanted to know what terrible sin had committed him to this life of destitution. The only life he had ever known. He couldn't remember doing anything terrible, and his parents seemed like good people. But surely he had done something to deserve this life. Everyone else thought so, so it must be true. I do wonder what his story was. We don't know how old this man is, but we do later find out that he is of the age where he could speak for himself – so he had to have been at least 13. And I wonder what his childhood was like and how long he had lived this routine of begging. Perhaps it had been years that he had sat there…listening to the comings and goings of the temple-goers—people attending festivities, worshipping God, and learning from the rabbis. But this man had no means to seek anyone or anything. He was sentenced by his blindness and his perceived sin to sit in the dust as a beggar. And then he heard a kind voice. Presumably, it was the voice of the rabbi, as He answered that ordinary question in a new way. 3 “It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins,” … “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. I imagine the man lifted his drooping head. What did he say? My blindness is NOT due to sin? He had never heard that before! And what was it the rabbi had said next? This happened so the power of God could be seen in me? The voice continued…clearly talking to His companions…  4 We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us.[a] The night is coming, and then no one can work. 5 But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.” This must have been puzzling. These people standing in front of the beggar clearly had tasks, most people that passed by seemed to. And it didn't matter to him who “sent” these people. And yes…night WAS coming…it had been a long day…but what did this person mean that he was the light of the world? And what did it mean that his blindness would allow others to see the power of God? Then the blind man felt someone kneel beside him – he guessed it was the rabbi. He heard him spit and mix the spit with mud. As his mind spun, suddenly he felt a strange mixture – was it the mud? – being smeared onto his eyes. He jerked a bit…when was the last time someone had touched him? And yet this unexpected touch was gentle. The grit seeped into his eyes, and he wasn't quite sure if he had just been assaulted and ridiculed or what was going on. Then he heard the man say… “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam” He knew the area well; it was the place where the water was drawn for the Feast of the Tabernacles. He obediently went. Perhaps he felt that he should do as this rabbi commanded, or perhaps he just wanted the gitty mud out of his eyes and that seemed like a good way to accomplish his goal. Scripture is silent on what happened as the man rinsed his eyes. John simply tells us.. So the man went and washed and came back seeing! Can you imagine the wonder? This man had NEVER seen ANYTHING before! And he was sent from his spot on the side of the road with his eyes caked in mud to complete a simple task that would change his life forever! Let's pause to ask the Holy Spirit what He wants US to see in this story. When we met the man, he had no purpose. His life was mundane, and it was a struggle for him just to survive. Yet he wasn't looking for a change because, per everything the world and society screamed, his case was useless. Until Jesus came looking for HIM! The man had no idea who Jesus was, and certainly hadn't been seeking Him out. But Jesus approached this lost, forgotten man huddled on the side of the road. Jesus didn't walk by, judge or belittle him. Instead, Jesus gently met him where he was and performed a miracle that restored his sight and changed his life forever. Does that sound familiar. Even when we aren't seeking God, He is seeking US! Jesus wants to meet you where YOU are! There are days when we don't have the strength or the belief or the will to seek Jesus. But you know what? He will NEVER stop seeking you. He wants to meet you where you are and He longs to open your eyes to see His wonder and glory. Jesus told the man to go wash his eyes. And with that simple act of obedience, the man was healed. God's ways are mysterious, but we don't ever have to questions what He tells us to do. We can trust His care and His provision. And we can always trust His heart. Let's dig a little deeper… The onlookers, including the disciples, were probably dismayed at the fact that Jesus rubbed MUD made of SALIVA and DIRT on the man's eyes. To be honest, it sounds kind of gross to me sitting here today. But the Jewish people had further reason to be appalled, they believed that anything that came from the body – including saliva – would render a person unclean. So according to this belief, saliva mixed with DIRT and rubbed on someone's eyes should have been unclean to the max. BUT Jesus' saliva is different – becaause it comes from Jesus Himself! Jesus is pure perfection – everything about Him is healing, cleansing, and purifying, because Jesus is HOLY. Not only can we trust Jesus – we can trust EVERYTHING about Him! His ways are so far beyond our ways! The disciples were still learning this, too. They were unknowing participants in the world's persecution of this blind man – succumbing to the wrong belief that we are each responsible for the pain in our lives, they pushed him down further and considered him sinful. Even on our best days, we are still human. We are still sinners who unintentionally beat each other down. But by listening to and obeying our perfect and HOLY Jesus can we be all that He has called us to be. And by allowing HIM to heal US – God's glory can be revealed to the whole world! The disciples weren't alone in judging the man. The scripture goes on to illuminate that NO ONE had ever truly looked at or appreciated the man for anything beyond his blindness. Verse 8… 8 His neighbors and others who knew him as a blind beggar asked each other, “Isn't this the man who used to sit and beg?” 9 Some said he was, and others said, “No, he just looks like him!” But the beggar kept saying, “Yes, I am the same one!” Either the man had changed so much that those who walked through life with him no longer knew him, or they never took the time to know him in the first place. Sadly, I think we can all relate to this at some level. We all have people in our lives that we dismiss or look past. Let me encouage you to ask God who He wants YOU to see today. When they realized who he was, the people asked the man…  …“Who healed you? What happened?” 11 He told them, “The man they call Jesus made mud and spread it over my eyes and told me, ‘Go to the pool of Siloam and wash yourself.' So I went and washed, and now I can see!” 12 “Where is he now?” they asked. “I don't know,” he replied. How WAS he to know where Jesus was? He had never seen Him! He had only heard His voice and felt His healing touch! I very incorrectly used the word “just,” because hearing Jesus' voice and feeling His touch are miraculous occurrences! But aren't you and I in the same boat? I have never seen Jesus, but I have heard His voice and felt His healing touch. Jesus has opened my eyes, too. He pulls me up daily, reminds me to open my eyes, and gives me a purpose in my every day. And I pray that I use His touch on my life to give all the glory and honor to Him! Friend, no matter how beaten down you are, Jesus will NEVER walk by you! He will always stoop down, offer His help, and tell you what steps to take next in your life. Our job is to listen, to respond, to obey. And when we do, He will open our eyes and give us a future that we simply can't imagine. The man's story continues…but we will have to wait for next week to see what happens. Feel free to open to John 9 and read ahead! In fact, I can guarantee that God wants you to! Let's close in prayer… Dear Heavenly Father – you have so much to teach us from this one story - and we haven't even made it half-way through. Already you have reminded us how diligently you seek us, how perfect and trustworthy you are, and that with you, our lives are purposeful and far from ordinary. God – we thank you for seeking us out and opening our eyes to the wonder and glory of you. Teach us to see others as you see them and help us listen only to YOUR voice and YOUR instructions. We love you and we do give you all the praise and honor and glory. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.    

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. — Genesis 1:31 Careful readers have noticed that God's creation in Genesis 1 looks like a temple. A temple is a place where heaven and earth meet. So in Genesis 2-3, God comes to the creation-temple to interact with his creatures. Careful readers have also noticed that God's temple in 1 Kings 6-7 looks like crea­tion. God was present in the temple, and once a year the high priest could be there too (Leviticus 16). Sometimes people say that the creation was perfect, until sin messed things up. Well, sin did mess things up. It still does. But the creation was never perfect. It was just very good. There isn't perfection until the end, until there is a new heaven and earth. In the new heaven and earth, there will be no temple (Revelation 21:22) because the new heaven and earth won't intersect at just one place. Instead they will be united as one new reality. In this new reality, the home of God is with humanity. That's how God wants things to be and has always wanted things to be—with heaven and earth united. The incarnation reflects this intention. Jesus himself is the new temple (John 2:19-21). Jesus himself is where heaven and earth meet. And in his person, God and humanity are united. That's not just very good. It's perfect. Holy Jesus, you have made it possible for God and humanity to live together. Even more, you have made it real. How perfect is that? Amen.

Holy Jesus. Literally. So much has happened in the past couple weeks. Trill quit his job, had his first threesome, and the chocolate has melted away from the podcast. However, Jesus in the form of Connor Murphy has come to save the day. Connor explains what the f*ck happened when he went missing, gives his fitness tips as someone with one of the best natural physiques in the world, and he gives Trill advice on being new to internet fame and how to not care as much when people around you leave your side.    Dripping With Jewishness and Jesus: [0:45] Wait…did Cory really quit?  [3:10] Trill stepped up to the Toxic Gentleman title and deleted the most recent episode because it was a little too spicy ♨️.  [3:41] Hot N Fresh Out the Kitchen: Trill breaks the proverbial seal and has his first threesome!  [4:40] According to our Lord and Savior Connor Murphy, this is the WORST thing you can do in life.  [5:58] Connor steals one of Trill's girlfriends AND her mom?  [8:09] Connor explains all of his videos, why he went missing, and what made him suck

We wrap up our 18 part series on Jesus and the gospels with his bouncy ball burial. You just can't keep this dude down.

"Ah, Holy Jesus" presented by Cameron Carter with accompaniment by Lynn Sandefur-Gardner.

Call me "Daddy Dillo" now. No negotiating it! Also UFC 274 is gonna be a cracking fight card! Holy Jesus! Big Thanks to SmoothMyBalls for Sponsoring the podcast: https://www.smoothmyballs.com/dillo for 15% off any of your orders! Or code "dillo" at checkout! My Twitter: https://twitter.com/DilloooRoss My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dillorosss/?hl=en --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/dillosdojo/message

This program is a Good Friday Tenebrae of music and readings. Music selections include:When I Survey the Wondrous Cross, Concordia Seminary Chorus, 1996 Agnus Dei CD;O Sacred Head Now Wounded, Concordia Publishing, 1996 Classical Hymns Long Play CD;Ah, Holy Jesus, 2021, The Redeemer Choir, Austin, TX recording;Go to Dark Gethsemane, The Celebration Choir, 2013 100 Hymns - Anchors of Faith CD;Cross of Jesus, Cross of Sorrow, Concordia Seminary Lutheran Hour Chorus, 2000 Jubilee CD;Were You There? The amen Choir & London National Philharmonic, 1980 Hymns Triumphant - Vol 1 CD;Glory Be to Jesus, Warriors for Christ, 2012 Grove City College Ministry recording;Deep Were His Wounds, Bitburg Air Base Choir, Bitburg Air Base, Germany, 1966 recording;O Sacred Head, The amen Choir & London National Philharmonic, 1980 Hymns Triumphant - Vol 1 CD;Stricken, Smitten, and Afflicted, Concordia Seminary Lutheran Hour Chorus, 2000 Jubilee CD;O Sacred Head, 2006 Lutheran Musical Heritage - Thrivent for Lutherans, The 1800s CD.

"Ah, Holy Jesus, How Hast Thou Offended," is one of the great and traditional hymns of the season. This week, as we explore Palm and Passion Sunday, we talk a little about exactly how he did offend...how we got from shouts of "Hosanna" to "Crucify Him" in one week. Because Jesus was busy that week, provoking and prodding with God's justice, freedom, and radical love. Join us on this episode as we journey with Jesus to Jerusalem.

The scene in Jerusalem during this time of Passover is fraught, and occupying imperial power is tenuous. Crowds travel all across the Judean landscape to convene in Jerusalem for an annual pilgrimage in which they retell a story of their ancestors finding liberation from oppressors. The contemporary oppressive overlords tremble at the prospect that the power of the people may rise up against them. It's in this context that Jesus is tried by Pilate. The wheels of imperial self-interested violence cycles churn away - keeping everyone afraid of everything all the time. According to John's gospel, Jesus has come as a True Word that stands in opposition to the siren voice of the bandit leading his violent and scattered revolt. Nothing could be more threatening to the occupying imperial powers than an embodied TRUE word of belonging and nonviolent resistance.Sermon begins at minute 3:14John 18:28-40Pilate Judgment, detail from a 15th century icon (public domain)Hymn: Ah, Holy Jesus, VT 330 Words and Music - ©PD Public Domain Music: Johann Crüger; Text: Johann HeermannBibleworm podcast: Episode 334 – What Is Truth, Amy Robertson and Robert Williamson, Jr.Willard M Swartley, JOHN: Believers Church Bible Commentary, Herald Press (2013).Women's Bible Commentary, eds. Carol A Newsom and Sharon H Ringe, Westminster John Knox Press (1992).The Queer Bible Commentary, eds. Deryn Guest, Robert E Goss, Mona West, Thomas Bohache, SCM Press (2006).Francis J Moloney, S.D.B., The Gospel of John, Sacra Pagina Series Vol. 4, The Liturgical Press (1998).

Holy Jesus this 'sode is ground-fucking-breaking! The absolute legend and Instagram famous @Catonacci_Official joins Ian for a couple-a-drinks. In case you nerds don't know who this fucking guy is, he's a professional black market cat-sitting enthusiast and nicotine gum tycoon, and he's also an Italian, believe it or not. Beers are consumed and these two giant men of culture and knowledge talk about Tinder bots, Mussolini's hat, and ginger genealogy, among other topics. Welcome back to everybody's favorite fake podcast! We shouldn't be doing this!**Brush and floss between 'sodes**

We've been away, but we're back...and back again. This is a bit of a long one as we get you caught up from the last episode. We finally tell the Armageddon sticker story, we talk about new ciders and brews, the Lower Forge Trivia debacle, and some Christmas stuff thrown in. Those things and MORE await you. Join us! Check us out on Instagram @pumpkinandpeachpodcast and on Facebook @Pumpkin and Peach Podcast to see pictures and get links to things we discuss in each episode. Also, our business on Instagram @uglymugsinc and on Facebook @Ugly Mugs Inc. You can also email us at pumpkinandpeachadventures@gmail.com Contact us if you want to collaborate, or be a sponsor. Also get in touch with us if you want us to try a cider, beer, food, product, or anything and review it on a future episode.

It's a narrow road to walk, trying to follow the humble Christ but claim authority as a leader. Paul finds a pretty good standard: leave the focus on Christ. It certainly doesn't help us out if we're trying to be the most Holy (Jesus definitely always wins), but if Christ is the message and the way, it should be our default choice. If we're always pointing the way to Christ, we're not taking the time to point to ourselves. The others in Paul's day who were comparing to one another, probably trying to establish who was the greatest, certainly seem to have lost sight of that.

Hymn: "Ah, Holy Jesus, How Hast Thou Offended" by Plymouth Congregational

Message from Aaron Law on June 6, 2021

Holy Jesus

Hymn 158 - Ah, Holy Jesus, how hast thou offended vv.1-2,5 by St. Michael's Episcopal Church

Welcome back to another episode of "Our Lady of Perpetual Chaos"! This week, Molly and Alex dive into the dark hole that is the classic television shows that all played major roles in their school days, and the hysterical (raise your hand if you tried to use nail varnish to paint some polka dots on your housekey and threw it on a chain because Jamie Lynn Spears told you to) and triggering (many of these revolve around Matthew Morrison, many of them...) memories that have come to the surface during this trip down memory lane. Brace yourselves for an extra special Circle Time in which they unlock backstage secrets of arguably the most iconic weekend morning show of all time; Sattitude.

Real Issues with Pastor Bello and the Sisters 646 564 9842

QUOTES FOR REFLECTION Ah, holy Jesus, how hast thou offended, that we to judge thee have in hate pretended? By foes derided, by thine own rejected, O most afflicted! Who was the guilty? Who brought this upon thee? Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone thee! ‘Twas I, Lord Jesus, I it was denied thee; I crucified thee. Lo, the Good Shepherd for the sheep is offered; the slave hath sinned, and the Son hath suffered. For our atonement, while we nothing heeded, God interceded. For me kind Jesus, was thy incarnation, Thy mortal sorrow and your life's oblation, Thy bitter passion and your desolation, for my salvation. Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay thee, I do adore thee, and will ever pray thee, think on thy pity and thy love unswerving, not my deserving. ~ “Ah, Holy Jesus” by Johann Heermann (1585-1647), German poet, based on 11th c. Latin meditation (trans. Robert Bridges) SERMON PASSAGE 1 Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. 2 During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him, 3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, 4 rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5 Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. 6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” 7 Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” 8 Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” 9 Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” 10 Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you.” 11 For he knew who was to betray him; that was why he said, “Not all of you are clean...” 12 When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. 16 Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” 31 When he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him. 32 If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself, and glorify him at once. 33 Little children, yet a little while I am with you. You will seek me, and just as I said to the Jews, so now I also say to you, ‘Where I am going you cannot come.' 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Rob Conti | Pure & Holy 2021 | Friday NightIn this sermon, Rob looks at the story of the Samaritan woman at the well and how Jesus lovingly and boldly calls out her sin. There is no relationship with Jesus that doesn’t start with repentance. There is no sharing the gospel without dealing with sin. It has to become personal, we need to see our need for a Savior. This world cannot satisfy our souls, it will not meet the desires of our heart.Jesus is the Groom coming for His Bride. The woman represents all of us: the Church, the Bride of Christ. Spiritually this woman was dry, but Jesus offers living water that can satisfy our souls. Jesus looks for us in our brokenness and in our sin, and he makes us holy, pure, and blameless. We all need a Savior. Call out to Him to rescue you. Then go tell everyone about the hope you have found.ResourcesJohn 4:1-10Genesis 24Genesis 29Exodus 2:11Learn more about our student and adult conferences at Swoutfitters.com. P.S. If you liked this episode, we’d love to hear your feedback! Please leave us a review on Apple or Spotify and help us get the content out to help others grow in their faith and mission to equip the Church.Want to go deeper? Join the Snowbird Newsletter and get our list of favorite books! ==================================================Snowbird Wilderness Outfitters exists to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ through the exposition of Scripture and personal relationships in order to equip the Church to impact this generation.==================================================We’d love to connect with you. Follow us here:FacebookYouTubeInstagram

Ah Holy Jesus, 1630, by Johann Heermann This translation by Catherine Winkworth in 1863. Thanks to John Ourensma and Renee Nestorak for the powerful musical presentation.

Ah Holy Jesus by PHPC

Dr. Horace Houston First Presbyterian Church of Rosemark Tennessee www.rosemarkfpc.com Video can be found at https://youtu.be/RrgyTEZCWSc Music Selections: I Want Jesus to Walk with me https://youtu.be/XR0wSgU4xzM Ah, Holy Jesus https://youtu.be/i3kUZOH5mfE The Glory of These Forty Days https://youtu.be/Wn-4xwhmjVw      

Kia Ora Whanau.We were somewhere around Ohinemutu on the edge of the lake when the gels began to take hold. I remember saying something like ``I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should take a turn on the mic....'' And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge Pukeko, all swooping and screeching and diving around us. We felt like we were going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Tokorangi pa. And a voice was screaming: ``Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?''Then it was quiet again. Eugene had taken his shirt off and was rubbing Spring Energy on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. ``What the hell are you yelling about?'' he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with Julbo sunglasses. ``Never mind,'' I said. ``It's your turn on the mic.'' I hit the On button, handed it to him and wobbled off to find some shade by the Croucher Beer Tent.. No point mentioning those Pukeko, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough…...Thus follows the breakdown of our incredibly epic, sleep deprived, emotionally exhausting, triumphant, and completely amazing experience of the 2021 Tarawera Ultramarathon encompassing the highs, lows, results, starts, finishes, everything. Buy the ticket, take the ride. Enjoy.

This week we continue our study through Luke’s Gospel with a new take on a familiar story. Right after the miracle, Peter says to Jesus … “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man.” Why? What can we learn… Read More From Jesus to Christ // The Holy Jesus The post From Jesus to Christ // The Holy Jesus appeared first on Refuge.Church.

This week we continue our study through Luke’s Gospel with a new take on a familiar story. Right after the miracle, Peter says to Jesus … “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man.” Why? What can we learn… Read More From Jesus to Christ // Holy Jesus Fish

This is a downloadable playlist of accompaniment tracks for Lent 2021. All the tunes are public domain and these arrangements are creative commons. Please use these for your worship services, choir performances, etc...free of charge. We do request that "created by The Center for Congregational Song" or "Thanks to The Center for Congregational Song" be included somewhere on your video or service credits.

This is a downloadable playlist of accompaniment tracks for Lent 2021. All the tunes are public domain and these arrangements are creative commons. Please use these for your worship services, choir performances, etc...free of charge. We do request that "created by The Center for Congregational Song" or "Thanks to The Center for Congregational Song" be included somewhere on your video or service credits.

Happy New Year Pastors Corner with Elder Ernest Richard and Apostle Irvin Whitlow

0 (1s): Well, good morning. Merry Christmas, everyone. Welcome to Harvest. Church. My name is Sherrilyn. If we haven't met yet, her so glad that you joined us this morning. Hello to everyone who's watching online and all over campus today. We're all staying warm and safe and cozy this Christmas season. If you're able to be in the room with me, why don't you stand as we began to prepare our hearts for worship this morning. 1 (30s): Awesome. 0 (30s): What's just go before the Lord together in prayer, 1 (36s): Lord, we just welcome you. Holy 0 (41s): The spirit. Would you just come pray that you would touch every heart this morning? Just that we could be overwhelmed by your loving presence today, just as you came into the hat's stable in Bethlehem so many years ago, God, we just sense your presence here in this space with us. I pray that every family watching at home and just sense your presence and your peace just fall upon their whole family or whole household down in Jesus name. 1 (1m 12s): Need you want you and we welcome you. 1 (1m 24s): CA 0 (13m 11s): Here from him this morning, some fresh manna 1 (13m 14s): maybe there's some of you. 0 (13m 26s): I have a word of encouragement for all of us to be a great time to, to share that 1 (13m 29s): Jesus . 0 (18m 42s): As a reminder this morning, just how the Wiseman came very gifts to lay before the King has even thinking of a story of a little drummer boy and have a heat, brought his gift of music to the King. And even those who don't have anything to bring your heart. That's really what he's after is after our hearts this morning. So even if you feel like your checkbook is slim, and maybe you're like I had a stump, know that I have much to offer. God says, I just want your heart. Plus spring on our hearts this morning together, we're gonna sing this together. Our affection art emotion. 0 (19m 24s): We're gonna pour it out on the feet of Jesus. 1 (19m 31s): . 1 (21m 21s): We worship you with all of our hearts this morning. Just pray your presence. Just be so felt in the season. Remind us again and again that you are Emmanuel God with us. There's nowhere that we can go from your presence. God can be in the deepest of pits and your presence is still going to find us there. Thank you that nothing can separate us from the love of Jesus Christ. You make room in our hearts for you. This season make room in our hearts this day, we open our hearts wide to receive all that you have for us and the precious and beautiful name of Jesus. 1 (22m 7s): Amen. Amen. So a good church to be together this Christmas and to celebrate those of you who are in the room here with us or on campus and how some neighbors around you. Let's take this time to greet someone with the love for Jesus this morning. And we'll be back in just a few minutes with some more announcements. 2 (22m 29s): Welcome to those who are in the sanctuary, in the loft, in the parsonage and on the patio. It is good to have you welcome. So I've been gone for the last couple of weeks, so we've had a w C we had Dave preach and then we had Ron preach and today we're having Jeremy preach. And so we've got the whole lineup going here and then I'll be back on for Christmas Eve. I'm thinking about being here three, four, and five o'clock that's who wants to join me all three services? No, all three everybody's hands. As soon as I said three services, the hands went down. Okay, Ken, he's going to be here. 2 (23m 9s): So we do have three Christmas Eve services, and we're going to make the patio a kind of a cool, kind of a venue where with fire pits and all kinds of fun stuff. So that's going to be really, really fun. If you are new to the church, we encourage you to stop by the info center. You've got a free gift there and, and then fill out a communication card as well. You can do that on the Harvest Church app. I think you can even fill out the communication card on our website, but also we've got communication cards that you can fill out and you get those at the info center. We just like to hello to you and welcome you here. 2 (23m 50s): Hey, we have been collecting food like crazy. So Thanksgiving, we gave away all kinds of food baskets for those in need. And at Christmas for this holiday, we gate we collected and provided 25 baskets, Christmas dinners to 25 families in need. And then because of your generosity, we've been able to partner with grace. Church grace, grace Bible, and, and we served another 130 families, their foster families with, with a Christmas dinner. And so together combined, we served a 155 dinners this year. That's I think that's our biggest year ever. So thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you for your generosity. 2 (24m 31s): None of that happens unless you guys bring sides and hams and turkeys and all of that stuff. So thank you so much for your generosity into those who spearheaded that, where you're so, so grateful here, the Church office will be closed as it is every year between Christmas Eve. And it will be here Christmas Eve for the services at three, four. What time of the services? Again? Three, four or five. Thanks. So we're going to be, we'll be here, but then beginning the 25th until January 3rd, the office will be closed. We just like to give our staff extra time with their family. And, and Hey, I haven't talked about the second mortgage for probably almost a year, a year ago. I talked about the second mortgage because we've got this Need, we're trying to raise over the period of three years. 2 (25m 16s): We're trying to raise $360,000. So people have been giving faithfully every month, every week. People give faithfully. We are, we are at around $86,000 that has come in. So if you do the math, we've got $360,000 over three-year period. That's a $120,000 a year that we're trying to raise over and above our regular ties and offerings and that sort of thing. So you guys have been amazing and we had brought in 86,000. So that means if we're going to write a check at the end of the year for a $120,000, we need 34,000 more to come in. So that's the challenge, but we've already raised 86,000. So if you are here and you want to make a year-end gift to the second mortgage, you can just Mark right on your check, second mortgage, and we'll make sure that goes to that. 2 (26m 5s): And, and we'll just trust the Lord, do what we always do and just trust the Lord's provision for all of this stuff that, that we're trying to do and trying to get accomplished. So with that, Jeremy, come on up, Jeremy's preaching today. He'll be in first Thessalonians chapter four, and he'd be taking us through the first part of chapter five. And so we were kind of arm wrestling about who was going to preach this weekend and he, let me, have you, have you seen the guns on this guy? Yeah, so he actually did when our family was exposed to COVID and we weren't sure if we were going to get the test results back in time for me to prep and be ready and, you know, we could have both prepped to be ready, but then that's not necessary. 2 (26m 54s): So we said we just tagged Jeremy. So again, it was Ron or Dave and Ron now Jeremy, and then I'll be back up. And so I want to pray for you and just pray for us as a church. And so why don't we all stand up everywhere, all over the campus, outside, inside, let's stand up and extend our hand to Jeremy Lord. Thank you for Jeremy. Thank you for pastor Jeremy and his desire to teach and the gifts that you have given him. Lord, we're so grateful. Thank you that he's an amazing a pastor at our church. We love him. We just pray that as he brings forth the word, God, that we would hear what we need to hear, that we'd be challenged, encouraged, edified, and built up in our most Holy faith. So thank you for this time. Thank you for your living word. 2 (27m 34s): Use it to speak to us. We pray in Jesus name. Amen. 3 (27m 39s): Thank you. Stoke to have my wife, my daughter Posey here in the service, and then my youth group is up here and kind of spread out. 4 (27m 49s): So 3 (27m 51s): Love you guys. You guys are awesome. I'm a fan. Yes. I have a fan club there. It's awesome. You guys are awesome. Hey, let's open up our Bibles to first Thessalonians chapter four. I'm going to be picking up where Ron left off. He did such a, an amazing job last week. So many just points to take home and to work on. And you know, just a summarize. He talked about this, Holy living that God's calling us to do, and the purity that God's calling us to have as we, as we prepare for what, what God has for us, and then not only purity, but then what does it look like for Holy loving and then Holy leading. 3 (28m 32s): And it was a, it was a, it was a great and timely message. And you know, I like second service. I kind of get to forget about the foibles or first service and learn some things. And so actually I want to, I wanna, I want to grab you with a wedding. Everybody loves a wedding just, just last week. We got to go down to Santa Barbara and see two of my former fifth and sixth grade students get married and they love the Lord. They have committed to each other. They've committed to God. They've, they've walked in purity. And, and it was amazing thing to see these two former fifth and sixth graders walk down the aisle and say, I do. 3 (29m 13s): It was, it was amazing. And the funny part is I can remember those two specifically on one of the days that I was like planting seeds, like, Hey, someday, some of you guys might get married and if you get married, this is what you look for. And I would play at Lucy's into look at this wedding and see it. And they really, they walked in that they walked in, in God's purity and his loving is leading. So I was really stoked. So I want to pull you into a wedding because I think this will help us understand the rest of the chapter and maybe understand some context. One of the things as we studied the Bible is the Bible was written in a different To a different people, grew up in a different culture. And so as we learn more about the culture that was during the times of Jesus, I think we can understand more about the Bible. 3 (30m 2s): And so let me take you through a wedding and not just a Jewish wedding, but a specifically a Galilean wedding. Okay. And there were some things that set a galleon wedding apart. And just in saying this it's important to note that Jesus was from Nazareth of Galilee. The disciples were all we're from Galilee and even Jesus. His first miracle was in kina of galley. So that's, that's important and understanding the context Jesus was doing. So let me jump in. So the bride and groom, they would gather at the city gate to come together for a covenant in a way, a contract. And they would gather their families. And this wedding covenant would have been red agreed upon by both parties, the bride and the groom. 3 (30m 48s): And then the, the, the, the father and the, and the groom would, would take a dowry. And that would be paid towards his, his bride. And it wasn't a purchase. It was closer to an insurance policy. If something were to happen to him in the time of their patrol, he pays this price. Then the young man after that's all read it, if that's all done, they'll give me a little, pour a cup of wine and he'll hold it out. And this is one of the things that separated a Jewish wedding is as the groom extended that cup of wine out to his possible bride. She and only at a Galilean wedding, the opportunity to either accept or deny it, Jewish weddings, often the parents sets each other out, like that's kind of a done deal, but here in a Galilean wedding, we're learning from, and this is all taken from archeological digs and we're learning all this stuff. 3 (31m 44s): And so the young, the groom would reach out his cup and he would, he would offer it to her and she had the opportunity to then drink it. And if she chose to drink it, that was her signal that she was entering into this patrol level. And she would then be called the one that was bought with a price. The one that was bought with a price, I'm giving you a little things. I'm hoping that you're feeling in your mind, how this fits in with the Church. Okay. So she was then the one bot with a price and the S the, the groom would then take that cup. And he would say this, he would say, I will not drink this cup until the time when we are together again, does that sound familiar? 3 (32m 27s): What Jesus did. And we took the communion cup with his disciples because We, I miss that. But in it, as Jesus is at that, that round the table with his disciples, the disciples are realizing, well, this is, this is like a proposal. This is like a though this is, they were realizing that this is what Jesus was doing. He was offering that I will not drink this cup until we are get together again. And there was another huge part of a Galilean wedding that sets it apart. 5 (32m 51s): You know, we, we, we, we get a, a, a N 3 (32m 54s): A letter in the mail that says, save the date for this day. This is when this couple is going to get married. A gal Leanne was what was different than a wedding was different because there was no date set. It was solely up to the father of the groom of when the time was right for his son to go get his bride. So no date was set. And sometimes that was a year. Sometimes it was two years. There was a period. Okay. So there's no date set. So from that point on, after the groom has taken the cutback, they would separate. And the groom would then as during that period of separation, the groom would begin to prepare a place for his bride in his father's house, in the insula. 3 (33m 35s): And it was a large courtyard surrounded by a lot of small houses, mult Wellings. And so the sun would go back like, yes, my patrol, we're going to get married and he'd go back. And he began building on to his father's house, preparing that place, and the bride would then go herself and begin to prepare herself. She began to, to assemble the fabrics needed for the wedding dress. She began to make preparations and pick her, her a bridesmaids, all those things. They're all she's preparing herself. And the groom is preparing a place in his father's house and the groom in a galleon where he would often send gifts periodically to remind his bride of his love. 3 (34m 15s): And the interesting, Hey, don't forget about me here. Here's a little love gift. Here's a little gift. Here's a gift to remember that. I love you. We think of the gifts of the Holy spirit. God, I love you 5 (34m 30s): Exactly. 3 (34m 30s): When would it be building in the community that as, as they saw the walls go up and the roof and begin to fill it with furniture, there was an excitement in the community. And those who had the wedding invitations, they'd be like, Oh, I'm invited to this, this feast. This is, this was the party of the year. This is what you wanted to be part of it as a Jewish wedding. And as it, excitement is building, the groom is getting ready, but the bride is also getting ready as well. In fact, she has done her own preparations. She picked out her bridesmaids. She's getting them prepared as the day draws closer the day that they don't know, but they just have to be in preparation. The father is still holding on the bride is with her bridesmaids. 3 (35m 11s): And there every night they go to sleep wearing their gowns for the wedding. They have to be ready at any time that they have to be ready. And the groom is with his groomsmen and they are ready for the father to tap the son and say, go for it, go get your bride. And it was the father's job. Only the father knew the time that was set for the groom to go get his. And the father often would say like a thief in the night son, go get your bride. Can you imagine the excitement I've been waiting for this for a year, two years? Like this is time to go. Any, any, he wakes up all his grooves and they would have woken up. 3 (35m 54s): They jumped out. There's probably some yelling, excitement, Oh, you got this guy. That's going to go. You ready? And the procession would begin. And it would begin with the sound of a trumpet. A shofar would be blown in the streets. And if you heard that show for you and say, okay, who's getting married and how do we join? Or we have our wedding invitations, we're ready to go. And so this precession would grow as they got closer and closer to the brides house, reach the house, the bride, having heard the show far, haven't heard the procession. She would come out of her house to be gathered with the wedding party. At that point that the groomsmen would lift her up on a litter or a, or a chair. They would gather her up, they'd throw on there. And then her feet would not touch the ground as they went. 3 (36m 36s): To the wedding festival, the wedding celebration. It was said that she flies to the wedding chamber. And as they came to the wedding chamber, the whole, the whole party, the whole celebration, they would enter into that courtyard. And then the Gates would be sealed. And that, what that did is it didn't allow it. No one else to join the wedding party. Maybe they're late. Maybe they slept through it. They weren't allowed, they didn't have their invitation. They weren't ready. And so they would be kept out. But those who are inside, they were there for the party for the duration. And sometimes these wedding parties last from three to seven days is you imagine that Jesus knew about that. 3 (37m 20s): That was where Jesus did his first miracle in Kayna and Qaeda is where he was in one of those courtyards with his mom and his family and Jesus and Mary comes to Jesus like, Hey, I ran out of wine. What are we going to do? And that's a problem, because like I said, no one could leave and no one could come in. The Gates was shut. There was a party and said, no one was allowed to come. So it was a scandal that they ran out of wine. So when Jesus turns the water into wine, all the problems are fixed because they had wine. They couldn't leave her go. And after that seven days, the bride and groom, they come out, they celebrate there's feasting. How cool is that? 3 (38m 1s): So those things away, as we, as we begin to enter into first Thessalonians four, because I believe this was very much on the mind of policies right in it. Obviously it was on Jesus and the disciples as they have their conversations. But first Thessalonians asked the questions, I believe. Why do we need to Live Holy Life Why Ron messaged Lee yesterday was how, but now we're living Why and I, I, my wife will attest you. I am not good at grammar. I'm horrible speller. I'm more of a math and science guy. That's what I like. But when it comes to grammar and the Bible, all of a sudden, I like my, I kind of perk up like, okay, this is there's reasons that these are in there. So I've been kind of like obsessing over the subject pronouns here in these verses. 3 (38m 45s): And those are I We you and they. And so Paul writes this letter and he says, this, he's going to answer the why, why do we need to live a Holy life? He says, I do not want you speaking of the church to be ignorant brethren concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. He's a reminded them. I don't want you to be ignorant. I want you to know this. I don't want you to be lacking. This is his reason for writing. Paul had only spent three Sabbath in a vessel Annika. So maybe a most four weeks there as the Church, then he had to, because of persecution, tribulation, he had to leave. 3 (39m 27s): He was a, he, he had a runaway escape. And so this question is on their mind. Well, what, what has happened to those who have died? What has happened to those who died? And this is what Jesus is going to, and this is what Paul is going to continue saying, verse 14. He says, for, if we believe that Jesus died and Rose again, even so God will bring him those who sleep in Jesus. Isn't this incredible. This is the gospel message summary summarized right here in this first for if we believe that Jesus died and Rose again, and to die and rise again, it means that Jesus had to come as a baby. He had to be born into this world. He had to have the ability to die. 3 (40m 9s): And that is what we celebrate in Christmas. The Virgin birth that the Messiah came to earth as a baby boy place in a feeding trough. And now Paul is reminding them that Jesus died. He Rose again. So those who sleep in Jesus will as well posting. Remember, Jesus's resurrection. The supernatural thing on misperception for this, we say to you by the word of the Lord that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede. Those who are asleep, this I believe was the concern of what has happened to those believers. Who've died before Jesus returns. 3 (40m 51s): Fess loan is actually the first L a pistol written. You know, that it was interesting to find that out, Luke, won't write his gospel. The first gospel isn't written until 63 80. This is written in approximately 50, 50, one 80, only 20 or 18, 19, 20 years after Jesus's resurrection. So, so as time has gone on, and remember the disciples were like waiting there as Jesus Rose up into the clouds, they're waiting and like, okay, what's, you know, what's going to happen. We Jesus said, he's going to come back or when's that going to happen? And the angel has a tap him on the shoulder and be like, no, okay, go do your thing. This is where you have to go, wait, he'll come back to the appropriate time when he said, 5 (41m 32s): And so this is 20 years later in believers 3 (41m 34s): Have begun passing away. And I remember the night my dad took his last breath on this world. My siblings and I all were all there. My mom was there and we watched him take his last breath. And he went to be absent from the body, but he went to be present with the Lord 5 (41m 53s): 3 (41m 57s): And I remember walking outside, we lived way out in the country and I just right or wrong. I went up and just yelled at Why Lord Why. And these Christians are asking Why this, these persecutions, these flesh, all these things are coming against as well. When is Jesus going to come? People are passing away. Lord. Well, don't you know about this. And so Paul says it in a very strong language, verse 15, the word of the Lord, I say to this, to you by the word of the Lord. And he says this, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede. Those who are asleep 5 (42m 32s): 3 (42m 35s): This is what happened in verse 16 for the Lord himself will descend from heaven, with a shout, with a voice of an Archangel and with a trumpet of God, does it sound kind of like that procession from the groom's house, the bride's house, or it's like this shot, like the groomsmen are like, let's do this. The trumpet of God blows. And the procession begins. It says, and that dad in Christ will rise up first. This is, this is preposterous in some ways to believe that we believe in the supernatural God that raises people from the dead. But we, we look towards Jesus who died first and Rose. 3 (43m 16s): First, Those three things, a shout of voice and Archangel. It's interesting. The third, the trumpet of God, I've become more and more in love with Jewish history and finding out the culture and the context with, with Bibles written. And one of the things I've, I've kind of discovered this week, and as I've been studying along as the Jew, the seven Jewish feasts, okay. There's seven of them. I want to explain a real quick there's four spring feast and then three in the fall. 5 (43m 45s): 3 (43m 48s): And take this as you may, but Jesus was crucified at Passover at the first feast. He was buried on the feast of the unleavened bread. 5 (43m 59s): Third, 3 (43m 60s): He Rose from the dead on the feast of first fruits. And then the spirit, the Holy spirit was poured out on the first believers at Pentecost. And then there's this period in, in the, in the, in the celebrations of these, these feasts, there's a period of the summer. Harvest, there's a, there's a gap. It would seem. And the first thing that happens at the fall entering into the fall feasts is the feats of trumpets. It's where people were gathering out in the field, they're doing their there's beginning to glean and work out in the field. And as soon as the priest on that temple wall below blew his show far, 6 (44m 39s): His horn, his trumpet, 3 (44m 41s): No matter what you were doing, where you were, you stopped and you'd come to the temple. You'd, you'd be gathered by that trumpet. And after the feast of trumpets, the second feast in the fall would be the D of a tournament or young Cooper. And I believe this first shadows, the second coming of Christ. Then lastly, we have the feast of Tabernacles. And this believes for shadows, the millennial reign of Jesus. It was a, it was, it was a partial fulfillment in scripture when Jesus came for those 33 years. But the ultimate will be when he's here during the millennial reign and forevermore, and he Tabernacles with us, he dwells with us. 3 (45m 24s): So the dead in Christ will rise first and he's comforted them with these words, the dead and Christ over it. God has not forgotten those. Who've passed away. The den Christ Rose first, then verse 17. It says we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus, we shall always be with the Lord. Is it interesting that Paul included himself in that Paul believed in this imminent return of Jesus Christ for the believers, for the Church. He believed in that. And he put himself in that, like, I'm ready for that at anytime. We shall always be with the Lord. And those who have died will rise up and they'll meet the Jesus in the clouds to meet them in the Lord in the air. 3 (46m 8s): We have to contrast that with a second coming of Christ, 6 (46m 13s): Zachariah 14 is a lot 3 (46m 18s): Amazing passage of I've referenced this and other, other sermons, but Zachariah 14 four says this in a way that day, his feet will stand in the Mount of olives. This is his second coming. And that day his feet will touch or stand on the Mount of olives, which faces Jerusalem on the East. And the Mount of olives shall be split into from East to West, making a very large Valley, half the mountain shall move toward the North and a half towards Geography. I love maps. I got to share this with a youth group on a Wednesday night, G as Jesus comes back to the earthly return, as he touches down on the earth, he's going to land on the Mount of olives. 3 (47m 5s): And this is a belief different from them, the rapture, the church, this is a different event. And so as he touches down, as his feet, stand on the Mount of olives, there's going to be this huge earthquake and there will be a split. And if you, if you know the geography and I should've put a map up thinking, now we have the temple, and then you have the Mount of olives here on the East. And the Mount of olives have three peaks. And what, and what they discovered in 1964 was a fault line from the West to the East that runs right through the middle of Mount of olives so much so that they were going to build the hotel of seven arches. And they had decided they had to move at 30 meters, I think, to the North so that they wouldn't put that hotel on the fault line so that when Jesus comes, he doesn't, Need, he doesn't meet a fault line to be there, to create an earthquake, create a huge Valley. 3 (47m 54s): We, we, we believe that Jesus has a power, but isn't it cool that there is a fault line, right? Where Zachariah prophesied 2,500 years ago. Unbelievable. 5 (48m 4s): . 3 (48m 8s): And so when Paul uses this language, he says they shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air he's using the Latin word is wrapped Turo, where we get our word rapture, the doctrine of the rapture and the Greek word that we find here is her Pozzo. I kind of like rapture better. It sounds, I don't know, like wrap him up to be caught. To plucked 5 (48m 33s): . 3 (48m 38s): And this is a comfort to those who were there, knowing that God knows exactly what's going to happen, and when it's going to happen. And we're waiting for that shout that trumpet at any moment that trumpet could blow the house has prepared. Jesus has been prepared a place for us in heaven. For those 2000 years, he'd been sending us gifts, reminding us of his love. So we are to comfort one another one another with these words and Why comfort because their current afflictions, their current tribulations, their current persecutions, for those who have died or been martyred during that time, that during that 20 year time, there, there was, there was a lot of hurt. 3 (49m 26s): There was pain. What happened to these people? And God is saying, I got it. We look around the world. We're like what's happening. And I think the U S has been so insulated from a lot of the persecution and trials and afflictions that the rest of the world has, has, has felt. And I think as time goes on and the Lord tarries, we will fill more of that heat. I don't think things are getting better. I think things in this world, the world system are only getting crazier and Why comfort because purity, because of Holy living, Paul referenced that in, in, earlier in the chapter, like, you know, and just as a kid, you don't want to be with your hand in the cookie jar. 3 (50m 10s): When your parents walk in the house, like, you know, they, they give you the instruction. Don't, don't eat the cookies. It was a save for later. And you're there. Your hand is in the cookie jar. Oh, there was a cause for purity, because we want to live a Holy and pure life. We want to be that bride. That's ready for her groom to come. And it's, it's, it's an and that way. And Paul puts on a, a break here, but he's still not done with his subjects to see the chapters and verses are men's invention. So let's carry on in first Thessalonians five, he says, but now concerning the times and the seasons brethren, you have no need that I should write for you. It's interesting. They knew the times and the seasons to look for that was not what they were lacking. 3 (50m 50s): They were lacking the reason why, but the times and the seasons they knew, and they knew this because Paul had already given him this doctrine. He says for you yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord comes as a thief in the night, the day of the Lord comes as a thief in the knife. Paul is talking about this, a thief in the night, and it's much like a Jewish wedding, right? It happens in the middle of night. You never know when to expect and boom, there it is. Matthew 24 talks about this thief in the night as he's given us all of that discourse. 3 (51m 30s): Second, second, Peter, Peter writes in chapter three, verse 10, but the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night in which the heavens will pass away with a great noise. The elements will melt with fervent heat, both the earth and the works will all be burned up. And that is that galleon who had this, this it's CA comes upon. You suddenly much suddenly like, like labor pains in verse three. And when they said peace and safety, then sudden destruction. Some destruction comes upon them as labor pains upon a pregnant woman and they shall not escape. Let's talk about this building. You should be knowing you should being aware of what's going on. And you know, as, as I've gotten to watch my wife carry three of my daughters, lovely daughters, you get, you know, you're getting, the time is coming. 3 (52m 16s): They know it's approaching. You don't know when. And I think all three of our daughters were late, like by almost a week and is, and is building expectations, building, building, building, because you can just realize that the belly's getting bigger and bigger and the baby ain't going to fit in there and a much longer 6 (52m 31s): 3 (52m 35s): And suddenly comes upon them. Labor pains as a pregnant woman, they shell out escape. It's interesting that when it says, when they say peace and safety, just on a whim, I went to the Google trends and I searched the word safe. Google trends shows you what words people are searching over time. And it's kind of starts. The catalog starts in 2004. And I found it interesting that people have that the word safe has increased in the search term by over 300% from March or started from 2004 to March of 2020, this year three, a hundred percent people want to know what's safe. 3 (53m 20s): What is safe. And then these, this idea of peace and safety, they will say peace. And then sudden destruction will come, reminds me of, of Noah's flood. And then Jesus said they were marrying and giving in marriage until right up until the time that the rain started and the flood came, they'd been warned. No had been warned that over and over again. There's an awareness of the approaching and then boom, it's, it's an upon it's upon you. And Paul's remind me, Hey, you don't have to be in darkness, verse four, but you brethren are not in darkness. So that this day shall overtake you like a thief us as believers. Well, this, this doesn't surprise us. This doesn't escape us. This does not come on a, like a thief. 3 (54m 0s): We are not of those darkness. We are in the light. 6 (54m 5s): And speaking of that day, there is a coming judgment for the sin. And God is, is, is 3 (54m 16s): I believe his anger in his wrath has grown and grown until the time of the Gentiles is fulfilled until that last person accepts Christ believes in him. And then boom, that old Mark 6 (54m 27s): This day. But 3 (54m 29s): This day won't overtake us as a thief. It won't overtake us as a thief revelation. Six talks about that. It says for the great is the day of his wrath. It has come and who is able to stand when we are of the light, when we were following Jesus, Jesus says, I am the light of the world. And he who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life. Jesus said, sorry, Paul, in verse five, you are sons of a light and sons of the day nor we are. And we are not of night nor of the darkness reminded of Noah. As he was building that arc, It took him a a hundred, I believe a 120 years To as he continued to build that Ark in the face of people, mocking him in the face of people. 3 (55m 16s): What are you building an arc? It never rained. And so this thought that there's going to be rain and a worldwide flood was just 6 (55m 22s): Crazy. The people 3 (55m 24s): Thought he was crazy and they continued on. Life just, just like they did until the day it started raining. And it, by then, it was too late. The door had been sealed, 6 (55m 35s): But there's 3 (55m 35s): An interesting man. The Bible talks Genesis talks about Hebrews talks about later, his name was Enoch. Enoch walked with God, and then he was not for God, took him. 6 (55m 48s): And I looked at this 3 (55m 48s): Timeline. I put the timeline according to Genesis together. And if my calculus calculations are true, as well as others that day, or that year, that Enoch was taken was the year of the flood. He did not go through that flood. You knock was taken in the year of the flood and he walked with God and then he was not free. He was taking. 6 (56m 13s): So there's a call to us. Verse six, 3 (56m 15s): The call to not sleep. Therefore let us not sleep as others do, but let us watch and be sober. And are we walking in the spirit of hope and awareness of what's going on around us or are we sticking our heads in the sand and trying to Berry died a hideaway, or we are we being aware of what's going on to watch and be sober. Our hope is not found in this world, society, this world system, the ones, the system that's working its way towards some kind of one world order, a sense of globalism power monopoly, all being pulled into into one system. And it's scary to read out and to find out the plans, the world, economic forum, as they talk about the great reset they've been talking more and more about this year. 6 (57m 3s): What I hope isn't found in this world, let us be watchful and sober. 3 (57m 10s): And we have times and seasons. We're not to know the times of seasons, but we can look around and see what's going on. The eminent return of Christ. You see, I believe in Daniel nine, he he's talking to the Jews and Daniel is an amazing book. And so amazing that even though a lot of liberal Christians will not believe that Daniel wrote the full book of Daniel. And that fascinates me because how do you argue with Jesus? When Jesus said, when Daniel, the prophet wrote in Matthew 24, Jesus believed Daniel wrote the book of Daniel and the prophecies are so incredibly accurate. That there's no way that they could be a man's thoughts. 3 (57m 56s): And Daniel nine verse 25 says this, and this is one of the keystones. I believe to the prophetic timeline. It says know therefore, and understand that from the going forth of the command to restore and build Jerusalem and tell Messiah the Prince there shall be seven weeks and 62 weeks in the street shall be built again in the wall. Even in troublesome times, Daniel has given a 70 sevens prophecy that he received from God. He, he talks about these different periods and there's two periods. One's broken up by the first six to nine weeks. And then there's a gap. And then there's the last seventh week that we find in revelation the year of the great tribulation. But Daniel was saying that from the command to restore and build Jerusalem until Messiah Prince there shall be 69 weeks, 69 weeks come out, comes out to be 483 years. 3 (58m 49s): This man named sir Anthony Roberts wrote the book coming Prince. And in it, he does the math, the calculations to take from the Babylonian calendar 360 days a year to the Gregorian calendar of 365 and a quarter and all that stuff. And he does all the math and calculate leap years, all that stuff. And he decides it's one thousand seven hundred and thirty one thousand one hundred thousand one hundred and seventy three thousand eight hundred eighty days. And we know from history that that command to restore and build Jerusalem that is marked in Nehemiah, the profit that brings us to April six 30, two 80. And in his book, he makes the case. That was the day that Jesus marked marched into as during the trail for entry Palm Sunday, he, Jesus says this in Luke chapter 19, as he drew near, he saw the city and he wept over it. 3 (59m 42s): Why did Jesus weep over it this specific day? And he says, if you had help, if you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for peace, but now they're hidden from your eyes. That was the day that the Messiah was to be revealed to the world. And no one was there to meet him at the temple. There was the triumphal entry and thus, we began the times of the Gentiles. And so we need to be watchful. And so we're, we're living in what I believe the last days. And if Paul thought that 2000 years ago, even, even so more of us, he says, for those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk are drunk at night, they do these things under the cover of darkness. 3 (1h 0m 27s): And you think about the wedding guests waiting for that, 6 (1h 0m 32s): That wedding, they were ready. 3 (1h 0m 35s): You ready? They had to be sober. They had to be waiting for the hear that Trump had been called. They couldn't be drunk. They might sleep through it. And they missed the whole wedding party. They had to be ready for that day. 6 (1h 0m 50s): Let us who are of the day, be sober, 3 (1h 0m 53s): Putting on the breastplate of faith and love and as a helmet, the hope of salvation. And this is what I rest on in verse nine 6 (1h 1m 4s): For God, did not appoint us to wrath 3 (1h 1m 7s): Pertain salvation through our Lord. Jesus Christ are destined. Not for that wrath, that wrath, that God pours out on an unbelieving Christ rejecting world. We are not appointed for that, but we are appointed to obtain salvation through Jesus. 6 (1h 1m 26s): Jesus 3 (1h 1m 26s): Talks about tribulations. We will have tribulations, but we will not have to endure the great tribulation revelation. Six 17 says for the great day of wrath has come and who is able to stand, who is able to stand in that day. 6 (1h 1m 42s): And it was Jesus 3 (1h 1m 43s): Who spoke into existence. This mystery of the church, the church is like this mystery in the Bible. It's only unfolded through the epistles and the gospels and this mystery, but it was Jesus who spoke that Church into existence in Matthew 16 And upon Peter's confession of Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior, Jesus said, the Gates of hell shall not prevail. And he uses the word Church. I will build my church on that. And the Gates of hell shall not prevail, but then you're going to come to a revelation fast forward to revelation. It says it was granted to him, the antichrist to make war with the saints and to overcome and authority was given him, him over every tribe, tongue and tongue a nation. 3 (1h 2m 25s): How is they? Jesus said this, this church that I'm a building upon the confession of me as Lord and savior. The Gates of hell will not prevail. And then in revelations 13, it says it was a grant that makes war saints, make war with the saints and to overcome them. How can that be? That's because the church isn't here, the church isn't here. The last mentioned the church in the book of revelation. As far as a letter to them, he said in verse revelation, three 22, he has an ear. Let him hear what the spirit says to the churches in revelation forces. And after these things, we are not appointed to wrath where we face tribulations. 3 (1h 3m 9s): Yes. Jesus said we'll face tribulations. We'll fix face afflictions prosecutions. Yes, possibly even more suffering than, than we've known here in the States. And the others are going through. And that will, those things will continue to sanctify us. But God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord, Jesus Christ, who died for us, that whether we wake or we sleep, we shall live together with him, therefore, comfort one another and Edify one another, just as you're also doing only the father knows that time. And that hour of when he gets to tell his son Jesus, to come for us, to come for his bride an amazing day, that's going to be, let me pray. 3 (1h 3m 55s): And then we'll bring up the worship band. Lord, may we be filled with the hope and excitement of your eminent return as our savior? Is there a groom is a kinsmen Redeemer. We, as a church being bought with a price Lord, you've set us apart. I look forward to that coming day. Lord, when you'll blow your trumpet and you'll gather us as, as your bride, continue to refine us, continue to purify us, continue to make us Holy Jesus name. We pray. 3 (1h 4m 36s): Amen. Thanks. Church 1 (1h 4m 41s): Let's stand as we were Jesus' name of Jesus. 1 (1h 5m 30s): each moment. 1 (1h 14m 58s): Thank you for this time. 0 (1h 14m 60s): Or it's all that you want to do in our hearts this day. 1 (1h 15m 5s): Give us eyes to see your name. Amen. Amen. 0 (1h 15m 11s): I have a wonderful Christmas. We hope to see you on Christmas Eve, bring your friends. It'll be a lovely time together. So have an amazing week and just know that Jesus is with you. And if there's anyone here this morning that you would dislike a little prayer before you leave today, we always have folks available that would love to come alongside and just slip up any concerns on your hearts. Have a wonderful day, and we'll see you.

Brody Holloway | Pure & Holy | Saturday PM ResourcesSummer CampPurity Retreat

The Voice 646 564 9842

John 19:1-11

HOLY JESUS a ton happened this week! And next week is lookin' to be pretty spicy as well! What are YOUR thoughts on the price release of the Xbox and upcoming event for PS5!? Please don't forget to leave a 5-star review if you enjoyed the podcast! Also, if you're looking to check-out SJW or Ruffhouse elsewhere, here are some additional links: SJW's YouTube // SJW's Instagram // SJW's Twitter // SJW's Facebook // SJW's Twitch Ruffhouses YouTube // Ruffhouses Instagram // Ruffhouses Twitter // Ruffhouses Facebook // Ruffhouses Twitch

Holy Jesus if you've made it this far with us... you know we should be dead by now. Logan canyon/cabin stories and Medieval times!!! All the booze and LSD did not help, but somehow we're still here with you, recording our most asinine decisions eternally and for all time on the internet. Cheers! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/fhebadmormons/support

Jesus is not a created being. Not the brother of lucifer. Not just a prophet or teacher. Not a rabbi. Not a pretender, not delusional, not a charlatan. Jesus is God. In this episode, we expand further on who Jesus is, according to John 8:58.

Shabach Saturday 646 564 9842

This was recorded by members of the Christ Church choir, separately while under stay-at-home orders, then mixed together. It was part of our Good Friday service on April 10, 2020. Song: “Ah, Holy Jesus, How Hast Thou Offended” Johann Heermann ... Read More The post Ah, Holy Jesus (Christ Church Quarantine Choir) appeared first on Christ Church of Austin.

This was recorded by members of the Christ Church choir, separately while under stay-at-home orders, then mixed together. It was part of our Good Friday service on April 10, 2020. Song: “Ah, Holy Jesus, How Hast Thou Offended” Johann Heermann … Read More The post Ah, Holy Jesus (Christ Church Quarantine Choir) appeared first on […] The post Ah, Holy Jesus (Christ Church Quarantine Choir) appeared first on Christ Church of Austin.

Mark 5:1-20  Song: Ah, Holy Jesus, How Hast Thou Offended  Notes:  This is a story about how evil can take you, and how Jesus can take you back.  But for today: how does evil take you?  1st there is GAIN 2nd there is a CHAIN 3rd there is PAIN  But how does Jesus take you back? By…

Hear us, Holy Jesus!

HOLY JESUS, WTF?!?Ein Gedankenexperiment: Was wäre, wenn Jesus als Sohn Gottes zwar Wunder bewirken konnte wie Krankenheilung, Lebensmittelvermehrung etc., aber den Umgang mit seinen Kräften auch erst lernen musste... und zudem eine verdammt coole Socke á la Clint Eastwood ist? Mit dieser Grundannahme haben sich die spanischen Filmemacher Adrián Cardona und David Muñoz beschäftigt und 2012 mit dem Kurzfilm FIST OF JESUS auf eine Filmrolle gebannt. Doch der Film ist alles andere als heilig: Jesus Wunder gehen so ziemlich nach hinten los und so wird der tote Lazarus zwar wiederbelebt, jedoch als blutrünstiger Zombie! Schnell verbreitet sich die Zombieseuche im ganzen Dorf und macht auch vor den Römern nicht halt. So müssen sich Jesus und sein Kumpel Judas zusammentun und bis unter die Zähne bewaffnet einer ganzen Zombiehorde stellen. Doch kann der Sohn Gottes diese Prüfung bestehen und was zum Fick hat ein riesiges Fischgrätenschwert damit zu tun?Erfahrt alles zu FIST OF JESUS beim Trashtaucher, dem Trashfilm-Podcast!Bildmaterial: © Alive Vertrieb und Marketing

A brief refleciton on "Ah, Holy Jesus" by Johann Heermann, tr. Robert Bridges. Background music from "Impromptu: Meditative Hymn Improvisations" by Paul S. Jones. Used by permission. Visit classichymns.org to download this hymn.

Shabach Saturday 646 564 9842

Pursuing God Happy New Year https://www.bmwvotein2020.com/ Hallelujah #elationnetwork #elation #elationmagazine #elationradio #kimmiekim #god #jesus #holyghost #dailydevotional #instagram #elationhonors #inspiration #doit #musically #stlouis With ?? Kimmie Kim

I'm not the biggest fan of the 1974 Black Christmas, and I actually prefer the 2006 remake over it for many reasons... But THIS. I didn't expect to be THIS disappointed in yet another remake of a remake. I'm not sure what type of holiday spirit Blumhouse was in when they decided to run with this, but this here would probably want to make Rudolph want to powder his red nose after watching. I'm a bit in shock... A bit. Well, try to enjoy this review at least, folks.

The People’s Work, 1 Corinthians 14, “Ah, Holy Jesus” by Johann Heermann, Worship Reformed According to Scripture by Hughes Oliphant Old, and biblical authority.

On the Couch with Beauty

Special Guest Rose Daniel Founder of Lulit's Hair Essence

Today was the day that the nightlife got really, really real. From the windows to the walls! Dominic/Malcolm from Enterprise makes a surprising impression on Josh, we consider how many buttons its okay to un-button on a shirt, and inspired by the Picard Exhibit, Josh asks Ira if he might be THE captain of our current time, if he's the leader we need. And...the nightlife. Holy Jesus, the nightlife.

1 To the name of our salvation Laud and honour let us pay, Which for many a generation Hid in God's foreknowledge lay, But with holy exultation We may sing aloud today. 2 Jesus is the name we treasure, Name beyond what words can tell; Name of gladness, name of pleasure, Ear and heart delighting well; Name of sweetness passing measure, Saving us from sin and hell. 3 ‘Tis the name for adoration, Name for songs of victory, Name for holy meditation In this vale of misery, Name for joyful veneration By the citizens on high. 4 ‘Tis the name that whoso preacheth Speaks like music to the ear; Who in prayer this name beseecheth Sweetest comfort findeth near; Who its perfect wisdom reacheth Heavenly joy possesseth here. 5 Jesus is the name exalted Over every other name; In this name, whene'er assaulted, We can put our foes to shame; Strength to them who else had halted, Eyes to blind, and feet to lame. 6 Therefore we, in love adoring, This most blessed name revere, Holy Jesus, Thee imploring So to write it in us here, That hereafter, heavenward soaring, We may sing with angels there.

Ten Lenten Hymns sung by three daughters of Mary Anne Urlakis, namely Grace Marie Urlakis, Eve Anna Urlakis, and Gemma Claire Urlakis in the following order:1. Introit Chant2. Attende Domine3. O Sacred Head, Surrounded4. Parce Domine5. Adoramus te Christe6. Jesus Remember Me7. Ah, Holy Jesus 8. Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence9. At the Cross Her Station Keeping 10. Adoremus In Aeternum(Monster of Easter Week, April 15, 2019)

PHPC Sanctuary Choir Steve Jobman, Director Bradley Hunter Welch, organ

Brody Holloway : 1 Corinthians 6 : Pure and Holy Jesus has given us sex as an amazing experience inside of marriage and in that way, it is very fulfilling. … Continue readingThe post Pure and Holy: True Freedom appeared first on Snowbird Wilderness Outfitters.Want to find out what we’re learning? Join the Snowbird Newsletter and get our list of favorite books! Learn more about our student and adult conferences at https://www.swoutfitters.com/==================================================Snowbird Wilderness Outfitters exists to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ through the exposition of Scripture and personal relationships in order to equip the Church to impact this generation.

Så er vi nået til årets sidste almindelige Dobbelt D anmeldelses-show, hvor vii lige skal nå at presse de sidste julefilm ind. Vi byder på en julefilm nyhed, og en-not-so-julefilm-at-all-nej-slet-ikke nyhed! Og lidt Oscar snak! Følgende titler omtales: 0:13:53 Meet Me in St. Louis 0:24:55 The Christmas Toy 0:40:57 The Fitzgerald Family Christmas 0:53:23 Four Christmases 1:10:14 The Christmas Chronicles 1:23:56 Flesh + Blood 1:50:52 Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond 2:04:27 The Nun

We were somewhere around Maryland, when the beer began to take hold. I remember saying something like “someone else should drive, I’m starting to feel light headed” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge flying dogs, all swooping and barking and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Frederick. And a voice was screaming: "Holy Jesus! We better stop and record a show about Flying Dog. So Have a Drink."

Single for 7 days - HOLY JESUS! - "Be Heard" Demo - ABC land - Parents Seal of approval - Before I lose ya - It was a great Idea - Part of the Show - Here we go!! - Bye Junior jr. - Make shit up all the time - Son of a bitch! - BIGGG STRETCH! - Susan keeps taking my stamps - Little Johnny - Profit Kings - Dad's get in trouble - Ding bat - Really Gross - Men's hair equals Women's' Breast - Don't wake up - Lose weight by not eating kittens - Actual kids guns ads - Looks like a cock ring - Netflix reviews - Put them on your nipples - It's my only wife - 3,2,1 lets have some fun

Jesus Christmas! Holy Jesus! Goddamn! Holy Jesus jumping Christmas shit! It's Friday the 13th, and we're busting through your window with Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter! Thank you for listening 80s Revisited, hosted by Trey Harris. Produced by Jesse Seidule. We look forward to comments and questions sent via e-mail to 80srevisited@gmail.com.

Jesus Christmas! Holy Jesus! Goddamn! Holy Jesus jumping Christmas shit! It's Friday the 13th, and we're busting through your window with Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter! Thank you for listening 80s Revisited, hosted by Trey Harris. Produced by Jesse Seidule. We look forward to comments and questions sent via e-mail to 80srevisited@gmail.com.

Third Sunday in Lent Choral Introit - “A Lenten Prayer” by Robert Powell Joyful Voices Choir First Lesson - Psalm 19 Second Lesson - 1 Corinthians 1:18-25 Anthem - “Ah, Holy Jesus” by Philip Roberts Bell Choir Gospel Lesson - John 2:13-22 Meditation - “Then They Believed” by Dr. Tom McCann, Intentional Interim Pastor For more information about First Baptist Church Savannah, GA Visit our website http://www.fbc-sav.org We invite you to attend our Sunday morning worship service at 11AM We are located at 223 Bull Street on Chippewa Square, downtown Savannah All are Welcome

Japhet De Oliveira

Japhet De Oliveira

Game theory, more game theory, Holy Jesus, will this game theory bit ever end? We also discuss why Gregg used to hate this league.

Eric Paulson

Are we alone in the universe? "Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying" (Arthur C. Clarke, Wikiquote) (https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Alien_life) "Our sun is one of 100 billion stars in our galaxy. Our galaxy is one of billions of galaxies populating the universe. It would be the height of presumption to think that we are the only living things in that enormous immensity" (Wernher von Braun, Wikiquote) (https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Alien_life) The Fermi Paradox: Where are all the aliens? (Kurzgesagt, YouTube) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNhhvQGsMEc) The Fermi Paradox II: Solutions & ideas - Where are all the aliens? (Kurzgesagt, YouTube) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fQkVqno-uI) The Fermi Paradox (Wait But Why) (http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/05/fermi-paradox.html) The difference between UK & US billions & trillions (Oxford Living Dictionaries) (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/explore/how-many-is-a-billion) What does 'life as we know it' mean? (SETI) (https://www.seti.org/faq#csc24) World's oldest fossils found in Canada, say scientists (The Guardian) (https://www.theguardian.com/science/2017/mar/01/worlds-oldest-fossils-found-canada-say-scientists-quebec-haematite-377bn-428bn-years) We've been wrong about the origins of life for 90 years (The Conversation) (http://theconversation.com/weve-been-wrong-about-the-origins-of-life-for-90-years-63744) Life's working definition: Does it work? (NASA) (https://www.nasa.gov/vision/universe/starsgalaxies/life%27s_working_definition.html) Life (Wikipedia) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life) Extraterrestrial life (Wikipedia) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life#Extraterrestrial) NASA finds evidence of a vast ancient ocean on Mars (The Guardian) (https://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/mar/05/nasa-finds-evidence-of-a-vast-ancient-ocean-on-mars) What did Mars looks like when it had water? (IFL Science) (http://www.iflscience.com/space/what-did-mars-look-when-it-had-water/) The secret of how life on Earth began (BBC) (http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20161026-the-secret-of-how-life-on-earth-began) How did life arise on Earth? (LiveScience) (http://www.livescience.com/1804-greatest-mysteries-life-arise-earth.html) Where did life originate? There's new thinking that hydrothermal vents were important (University of California) (http://evolution.berkeley.edu/evolibrary/article/0_0_0/origsoflife_03) Has life only started once on Earth? (The Naked Scientists) (https://www.thenakedscientists.com/articles/questions/has-life-only-started-once-earth) "The Moon is thought to have formed about 4.51 billion years ago, not long after Earth" (Wikipedia) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon) Where did the moon come from? (NASA) (https://starchild.gsfc.nasa.gov/docs/StarChild/questions/question38.html) Origin of the moon (Wikipedia) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origin_of_the_Moon) Religion for the non-religious: An article about consciousness, among other things; kinda related to thinking about aliens operating on a much higher level than us (Wait But Why) (http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/10/religion-for-the-nonreligious.html) Plasma aliens could live inside “Black Clouds”: Extraterrestrial life can be stranger than we even dare to imagine (Message To Eagle) (http://www.messagetoeagle.com/plasma-aliens-could-live-inside-black-clouds-extraterrestrial-life-can-be-stranger-than-we-even-dare-to-imagine/) Your lifetime by the numbers (Big Think) (http://bigthink.com/paul-ratner/how-many-days-of-your-life-do-you-have-sex-your-lifetime-by-the-numbers) 100 blocks a day: An article that gets you thinking about how many times you have left to do certain things (Wait But Why) (http://waitbutwhy.com/2016/10/100-blocks-day.html) Q (Star Trek) (http://www.startrek.com/database_article/q) NASA confirms evidence that liquid water flows on today's Mars (NASA) (https://www.nasa.gov/press-release/nasa-confirms-evidence-that-liquid-water-flows-on-today-s-mars) What kind of life would we find on Titan? (Phys.org) (https://phys.org/news/2015-10-kind-life-titan.html) Stephen Hawking on non-carbon-based alien life (The Daily Galaxy) (http://www.dailygalaxy.com/my_weblog/2011/05/stephen-hawking-on-non-carbon-based-alien-life.html) Neil deGrasse Tyson discusses how the laws of physics hold across the universe (Neil deGrasse Tyson) (http://www.haydenplanetarium.org/tyson/read/2000/11/01/on-earth-as-in-the-heavens) Is Stephen Hawking right about aliens? (The Guardian) (https://www.theguardian.com/science/2010/apr/30/stephen-hawking-right-aliens) Humanity only has around 1,000 years left on Earth, Stephen Hawking predicts (Science Alert) (http://www.sciencealert.com/humanity-only-has-around-1-000-years-left-on-earth-stephen-hawking-predicts) Prof. Stephen Hawking says alien life is real, warns humans not to make contact (Anonymous) (http://anonhq.com/professor-stephen-hawking-says-alien-life-real-warns-humans-not-make-contact/) Elon Musk announces his plan to colonise Mars & save humanity (Wired) (https://www.wired.com/2016/09/elon-musk-colonize-mars/) The billion-year technology gap: Could one exist? (The Daily Galaxy) (http://www.dailygalaxy.com/my_weblog/2009/11/the-billionyear-technology-gap-could-one-exist-the-weekend-feature.html) Dark energy, dark matter (NASA) (https://science.nasa.gov/astrophysics/focus-areas/what-is-dark-energy) Dark matter & dark energy (National Geographic) (http://science.nationalgeographic.com/science/space/dark-matter/) Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI Institute) (http://www.seti.org) SETI@home: The project where SETI uses your computer when you're not (SETI) (https://setiathome.berkeley.edu) Folding@home: The project where the protein folding people use your computer when you're not (Stanford University) (https://folding.stanford.edu) SKA telescope to generate more data than entire internet in 2020 (Computer World) (http://www.computerworld.com.au/article/392735/ska_telescope_generate_more_data_than_entire_internet_2020/) Broadcasting messages into space (SETI) (https://www.seti.org/seti-institute/project/details/broadcasting-message) Why do you think an extraterrestrial civilisation will broadcast in the microwave part of the radio spectrum? (SETI) (https://www.seti.org/faq#obs8) SETI has tried to see if any radio signals are coming from TRAPPIST-1 (Wikipedia) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TRAPPIST-1#Radio_signal_search) Where is the search for extraterrestrial life up to? (ABC, Australia) (http://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2016-10-10/extraterrestrial-life-where-is-the-search-up-to/7885364) Advanced alien civilisations rare or absent in the local universe (Phys.org) (https://phys.org/news/2015-09-advanced-alien-civilizations-rare-absent.html) How far has the first radio signal/data transmission to space travelled? (Quora) (https://www.quora.com/How-far-has-the-first-radio-signal-data-transmission-to-space-traveled-to-date) This date in science: First intentional radio message to space (EarthSky) (http://earthsky.org/space/this-date-in-science-first-radio-signal-beamed-to-space) What are gravitational waves? (LIGO) (https://www.ligo.caltech.edu/page/what-are-gw) What is a Dyson sphere? (EarthSky) (http://earthsky.org/space/what-is-a-dyson-sphere) 7 types of advanced cosmic civilisations (Big Think) (http://bigthink.com/paul-ratner/this-mind-bending-scale-predicts-the-power-of-advanced-civilizations) Arrival: The Movie (IMDb) (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2543164/) If we ever came across aliens, would we be able to understand them? (Phys.org) (https://phys.org/news/2016-07-aliens.html) If aliens contact us, we won't understand (Astronomy) (http://www.astronomy.com/bonus/alien-contact) V: The TV show (IMDb) (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086822/) Philosophical concepts in Star Trek: Using Star Trek as a curriculum guide introducing fans to the subject of philosophy (James Gunn's Ad Astra) (http://www.adastrasf.com/philosophical-concepts-in-star-trek/) The economic lessons of Star Trek's money-free society (Wired) (https://www.wired.com/2016/05/geeks-guide-star-trek-economics/) The 'no dickheads' policy (Golden Plains) (http://aunty.goldenplains.com.au/what-goes-on/dickhead-policy/) Where are Voyagers 1 & 2 right now? (NASA, JPL) (http://voyager.jpl.nasa.gov/where/) Enceladus, moon of Saturn (Wikipedia) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enceladus) Tidal friction: How the moon stretches Earth & causes tides (HyperPhysics) (http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/hbase/Astro/tidfrict.html) Where are you from? Send us a postcard! Strange Attractor, c/ PO Box 9, Fitzroy, VIC 3065, Australia Corrections We were kind of vague about how cells might have evolved...here's a little more detail (University of California) (http://evolution.berkeley.edu/evolibrary/article/_0/endosymbiosis_03) How life made the leap from single cells to multicellular animals (Wired) (https://www.wired.com/2014/08/where-animals-come-from/) Endosymbiotic theory of evolution of eukaryotic cells (University of Sydney) (http://bugs.bio.usyd.edu.au/learning/resources/CAL/Microconcepts/Evolution/theory.html) Check out our new Fireside home Find aaaaall the great episodes & show notes & handy instructions should you feel like leaving us a cheeky iTunes review...go on...we know you want to! (http://strangeattractor.random.productions) Image credit: NASA

Happy Birthday ‘Murca! In this episode of the show Host Dave Bledsoe talks the Founding Fathers and all the goodness that happened on 1776--Holy Jesus, we just read the script--he's gone mad! He can't DO that, not on 4th of July Weekend! For the love of God someone get someone on the phone...we honestly cannot let this happen. Mother of God. If you are crazy enough to still be here, he opens the show with The Whitest Kids you Know and closes with Martina McBride. Promotional consideration provided by Zebediah's Muskets and Kentucky Rifles. I honestly cannot believe he is doing this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We were somewhere outside Dublin, on the edge of the city, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember going through the plot of Diamonds Are Forever, Sean Connery's return to the Bond franchise. And suddenly there was a terrible roar, and a black woman turned into a gorilla and frightened small children without advancing the plot in Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming, "Holy Jesus! What is this goddamn movie?" Richard defends this film's incarnation of Blofeld from an under-impressed Jonathan, too preoccupied with allusions to Hunter S Thompson, imagining his red convertible speeding past Bond down the Nevada highway, making laboured similes as he goes like a flaming kebab warrior.

Spider Mansion is the creepiest Halloween trip possible and you can decide what level of scariness you want to opt into; Eek or Holy Jesus! But can you tell the difference between a fun Halloween experience and the real deal? This episode was recorded during the Out of Bounds Comedy Festival in Texas. With Marc Majcher, Mandy Sellers, Kareem Badr, Katie Moore, Chris Mead and Katy Schutte.

Ah, holy Jesus, how hast thou offended, that we to judge thee have in hate pretended? By foes derided, by thine own rejected, O most afflicted! Who was the guilty? Who brought this upon thee? Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone thee! 'Twas I, Lord Jesus, I it was denied thee; I crucified thee. Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay thee, I do adore thee, and will ever pray thee, think on thy pity and thy love unswerving, not my deserving.

Ah, holy Jesus, how hast thou offended, that we to judge thee have in hate pretended? By foes derided, by thine own rejected, O most afflicted! Who was the guilty? Who brought this upon thee? Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone thee! 'Twas I, Lord Jesus, I it was denied thee; I crucified thee. Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay thee, I do adore thee, and will ever pray thee, think on thy pity and thy love unswerving, not my deserving.

Join us for our Good Friday Tenebrae (Latin for darkness or shadows) service in its entirety. Roy Broussard serves as lay reader, Jean Darnell as hymn leader, and Dustin Tatro offers "Ah, Holy Jesus" to close the service. Those in attendance were given a cross-shaped card with the text of this hymn as a take-away meditation for the weekend.

(Youth and Junior Choirs)