Podcast appearances and mentions of howard glasser

What a treat to "shmooze" with my teacher and mentor of Nurtured Heart Approach, Howard Glasser. This man is the reason this approach exists- because he stops at nothing when it comes to believing in the purposefulness of people and the power of greatness. We dive into one of the lessons he taught in his book "Igniting Greatness" and have such fun diving deep into it's message. Enjoy! To find more on and from Howard, visit NurturedHeartInstitute.com. You'll find upcoming trainings, recorded classes and other NHA resources. (I'm featured in two of the classes too!)

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What if you could change your children's lives for the better by simply shifting your focus? Howard Glasser, the brilliant mind behind the Nurtured Heart Approach, joins Kaity and Adriane for a milestone celebration on our 50th episode of The KindlED Podcast. In this special episode, we dive deep into the Nurtured Heart Approach and its transformative power in fostering positive relationships and personal growth. What to listen for:The core principles of the Nurtured Heart ApproachActionable advice for establishing clear, positive rules and the importance of calmness and co-regulation in maintaining healthy relationshipsHow focusing on a child's strengths and building their inner wealth can empower them to tap into their true potentialThe importance of building a portfolio of positive moments to counteract past traumas and the role of personal adversity in sparking a lifelong love of learning and curiosityHow to create boundaries that support and enhance a child's ability to thriveTune in to uncover how the Nurtured Heart Approach can help children thrive by recognizing and igniting their inner greatness.  About the guest:Howard Glasser is the founder and creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach®. He is a voice of greatness for children so that they can ultimately find their own voice of greatness. Howard is the author of 15 books, including Transforming the Difficult Child, a longstanding bestseller on intense and challenging children. The Nurtured Heart Approach has been researched by Rutgers University, the University of Arizona's School of Public Health, and New Mexico State University. He currently teaches at the University of Arizona's School of Public Health and its Integrative Medicine Program. His upcoming book is an unfolding of the Nurtured Heart Approach from the ‘Inside Out' Connect with Howard: WebsiteFacebookInstagramEmail: howardglasser@email.arizona.eduBuy his books.Mentioned in this episode:• NARM• Got a story to share or question you want us to answer? Send us a message!About the podcast:The KindlED Podcast explores the science of nurturing children's potential and creating empowering learning environments.Powered by Prenda, each episode offers actionable insights to help you ignite your child's love of learning today. We'll dive into evidence-based tools and techniques that kindle young learners' curiosity, motivation, and well-being. Got a burning question?We're all ears! If you have a question or topic you'd love our hosts to tackle, please send it to podcast@prenda.com. Let's dive into the conversation together!Important links:• Want more KindlED content?• Connect with us• Subscribe to The Sunday SparkInterested in starting a microschool?Prenda provides all the tools and support you need to start and run an amazing microschool. Create a free Prenda World account to start designing your future microschool today ➡️ Start My Microschool

Howard Glasser, Creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach to Flourish & Thrive In this episode, I was joined by special guest, Howard Glasser, Founder of the Children's Success Foundation and the creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach. The Nurtured Heart Approach® is more than a set of strategies; it is a philosophy and practice of creating healthy relationships. It reveals exactly what makes relationships flourish and thrive and what makes them go awry, developing awareness and understanding that improve the gamut of the ways we interact with others…and ourselves. Learn more at ⁠https://www.howardglasser.com/⁠ Learn more About Scarlett here: https://chooselovemovement.org/

In today's episode, we sit down with Dan Peterson, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor & Parenting Coach, to discuss what to do when your kid is out of control!

In this captivating episode, Howard Glasser shares his incredible journey to recognizing the potential greatness in every child and how nurturing their intensity can lead to empowerment and transformation. Trained as a child pychologist, the methods he first used worsened the family relationships. Remembering how he himself was a difficult child, he used his memory of his own needs to reconstruct what children are craving from adults, which is often in direct contrast to how parents and teachers usually behave. He asserts that intense and challenging behavior in children is a sign of their potential greatness and should not be suppressed or medicated. Instead redirected and seen for the fuel that it is. Howard's unique approach "nurtured heart approach." is being studied by four universities and has been adopted by school districts across the country and around the world. We discuss the implications this approach has on our speaking confidence. Click here to check the full show notes

Today we're talking about how to tell better stories to yourself, ones that will create more empowering experiences of ease and confidence when you speak up, put yourself out there, and advocate for yourself. Tammy Heermann is an award-winning leadership expert and author of Reframe Your Story. With over twenty years of experience, Tammy has helped thousands of people shift their mindsets around leadership and personal growth.performance. Listeners will gain insights into recognizing and overcoming Impostor Syndrome to cultivate confidence and success in their careers. We discuss the ways we sabotage ourselves when it comes to putting ourselves out there, and tips for interrupting cycles of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. You'll hear how traditional corporate training programs fall short and what you can do instead to boost your professional development for confidence when you put yourself out there. Click here to check the full show notes

What a special treat! Today I bring to you the creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach® Howard Glasser! Join us as we explore the possibility of using judgment, opposition and resistance as opportunities of growth. Visit Nurturedheartinstitute.com for courses, videos and opportunities to train with Howard. Thank you Howie for honoring my little platform here with this visit! It is such a treat and I am very grateful.

It's a very special episode for Therapy with my Mom, being released on Ryan's birthday! Today we talk to the creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach, Howard Glasser, on the foundation of his style and the journey he took to get here. This approach is all about removing energy from the negative and giving it all to our successes. Julee and Ryan get to share the profound impact that his method had on a younger Ryan, and we celebrate where we all are today as we cherish our energetic selves.Howie is an author and speaker, for more information on him and this approach, check out his website! Howardglasser.comHosted by: Ryan & Julee Barkauskas----Follow Ryan on Social Media!IG: @Ryanbarkauskas----Follow Therapy with my Mom!IG: @TherapywithmymomFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/therapywithmymomTwitter: @TherapywithmymomEmail us with topic suggestions or stories we can share on the show!Therapywithmymom@gmail.com---- Music CreditsMusic from https://freetousemusic.com/"Joy" by Limujiihttps://youtu.be/yHDLbdT4Z1Q

Do you have a child that is more—louder, more energetic, more argumentative, more everything? Intense children can be harder to raise, but their intensity is a gift as well as a parenting challenge. We talk with Howard Glasser, creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach to parenting. He is the author of Transforming the Difficult Child and Transforming the Intense Child Workbook.In this episode, we cover:What do you consider to be an intense child? My child was “more”—more loud, more energy—their reaction to most things was simply more. They go from 5 mph to 60mph in about a second. How to raise the intense child.What are the labels and diagnoses that intense children often accumulate? ADHD, ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), conduct disorder, PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression.What makes some kids more “intense” than others? What do you mean by energy-challenged kids? Unable to handle or effectively control their physical, cognitive or emotional energy. They have a disorder of self-control. They have more energy than they have self-control.Energy is a gift as well as a challenge.You mention in Transforming the Difficult Child that many intense or difficult kids love video games—more so than the average child.  Why? Structure-while I think all children need structure, the high-intensity child really needs structure. Positive forms of structure vs. negative forms of structureTraditional parenting techniques did not work well for my intense little wonder. Your approach to raising an intense child is based on your Nurturing Heart Approach as outlined in your book, Transforming the Difficult Child and Transforming the Intense Child Workbook. What are the basic principles of this approach to parenting? The 3 strands.Strand 1: Refuse to energize the negative. What are some of the challenges parents face when applying this? What are some common ways we might accidentally energize the negative?Strand 2: Energize the positive. active recognition, experiential recognition, proactive recognition, creative recognition.Is there a problem with too much praise?Strand 3: Absolute clarity on limits and consequences. How to set limits?Intensity is not something that a person outgrows.This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

A post on the Today show site [https://community.today.com/post/5-easy-ways-to-build-your-relationship-with-your-teenager] got us talking today. It's about "easy" (red flag!) ways to build your relationship with your teenager. Despite its quick-and-easy promise, we did find some good advice within, and shared our own too. Mentioned: Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured-Heart Approach by Howard Glasser [https://amzn.to/2HnjdbH].

In part 2 of our conversation with Howard Glasser, creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach, we begin to explore Stands 1, 2, and 3 of the Approach - Absolutely No! Absolutely Yes! Absolutely Clear! Howard explains how taking a stand(s) can shift the trajectory of the young people you parent, teach, coach, and mentor. Expect to be challenged. Expect to learn a completely new approach to supporting others. Expect to leave equipped with new ideas to unleash the goodness and the greatness of those we care for deeply. Open your ears, heart, and mind then press play. It's time to make Shift happen. Let's go.

In this episode we offer a behind-the-scenes ear into two conversations that weren't even on our radar when we began our time with Howard Glasser. Turns out some of the most impactful and compelling moments are the unscripted, unexpected ones. In two candid discussions on worthiness and the workplace, we offer a peak into how the Nurtured Heart Approach shows up in friendship and in leadership.  

Parenting an intense kiddo? Eager to deepen connection with students or strengthen relationships within your family? If so, this is a good time to turn up the volume and tap play. In this multi-show convo with author, therapist, world-changer, and creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach, Howard Glasser, we discuss a variety of topics such as... - how Howard's journey as an intense child and eventual study and understanding of intensity, energy, and connection served as launch points for the Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA) - how intensity doesn't have to be the enemy, it may just be a superpower - energy and relationship as currency - the power of an emotionally nutritious vocabulary - the three stands of NHA - Absolutely yes! Absolutely no! Absolutely clear! - unleashing the greatness inside those you love, support, and mentor Grab your popcorn, friends. This installment of Making Shift Happen is quite a show. Time to unleash our greatness. Let's goooooooooo!

Parenting TikTok is all about #gentleparenting, so we had to obsess over it for awhile. Nicole's all for it, Terri has doubts, and Catherine mostly stays out of it and feels quietly guilty about whatever she did or didn't do when her kids were little. Mentioned: "What Is Gentle Parenting?" at Parents magazine [https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/what-is-gentle-parenting/] and Howard Glasser's Nurtured Heart Approach [https://nurturedheartinstitute.com/].

If you are feeling any type of stress or uncertainty on how to correct some poor behavior with your kids, this is the perfect episode for you. Maybe it's some sort of acting out, disrespect, or you're dealing with a plethora of different problems.    Dan Peterson, founder of The Compass 4 Life, is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and an advanced trainer for the Nurtured Heart Approach. He earned his Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Benedictine University in 2002.   Personally trained by NHA founder Howard Glasser, Dan is considered the area expert in the Nurtured Heart Approach in the Naperville School District. He specializes in helping adults who work with or have challenging children develop strategies for their child to succeed in both the school environment and family setting. Dan wants to provide parenting tips for children with behavioral problems and encourage positive parenting.   Dan has developed his own unique coaching style based on the Nurtured Heart Approach™. He believes that in order for the NHA to be effective it must be practiced both at home and at school. To that end, he is passionate about training both parents and teachers. Dan's vision is to train and coach teachers and parents in the Nurtured Heart Approach™ so that they can in turn provide all children with the best possible environment to flourish. He is committed to bridging the gap between home and school. Show Notes: www.thedadedge.com/friday50

An article about uncertain incentives led us to talk about whether our kids are motivated by praise that's intermittent or constant. Say it with us: Parenting is hard! Motivating kids is hard!! Also mentioned: Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser; Funds of Knowledge by Norma Gonzalez, Luis C. Moll, and Cathy Amanti; our most recent discussion about motivation [visit https://parentingroundabout.com for links].Fact check: Terri said she heard about the article "Uncertain Incentives" on the podcast No Stupid Questions. But while she did read the article at about the same time she listened to the similarly themed "Which Is More Powerful: Reward or Punishment?" episode of No Stupid Questions, it in fact came in her email as a Tip of the Week from Character Lab, which she heard about from No Stupid Questions cohost Angela Duckworth. It was not something that was mentioned on the podcast episode.

Today's episode is a compilation episode. I have put together short clips from some of your favorite conversations to remind you of what's important in parenting, to give you a boost of inspiration and positivity. in the new year.  I created this compilation episode so that you can start the new year with renewed energy and intention, a sense of hope and possibility, unshakable confidence that you are a good parent, courage to look within, a fresh perspective to keep your eyes on the big picture, a trust to be guided with your heart, a commitment to become comfortable with your own discomfort and befriend your emotions, willingness to examine your own patterns and shortcomings and of course a strong practice of self- compassion.  You'll hear from Melisa Bernstein, Ned Johnson, Bill Stixrud, Ellen Gottlied, Bridgett Miller, Vanessa Lapointe, Howard Glasser, Laura Froyen and Laney- a thirteen year old girl.  I really enjoyed putting this episode together.  I hope you enjoy listening!  286: How To Talk to Kids with Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson 279 Awakening Greatness in Kids with Howard Glasser 284 The Hard Truth about Parenting the Conscious Way with Ellen Gottlieb 208 How to Be a Confident Parent with Vanessa LaPointe 275 Don't Fix Yourself, Accept Yourself with Melisa Bernstein 226 Practicing Conscious Parenting with Bridgett Miller 238 The Secret to Getting Kids to Listen and Cooperate with Laura Froyen and Anna Seewald 298 How to Build Closeness with Your Kids   BECOME A SUPPORTER OF THE SHOW 1. With your support we can continue the production of the podcast uninterruptedly. You can choose a level of support on Patreon.com by becoming a patron. 2. One time donations are also deeply appreciated. Give from the heart now.   FULL SHOW NOTES www.authenticparenting.com/podcast    ABOUT ME I help overwhelmed, frustrated parents who want to parent differently than their parents, make sense of their early childhood experiences, connect to their authentic self and their children on a deeper level, reduce stress, bring more ease, calm and joy into their lives by yelling less, and practicing non-punitive discipline.   WORK WITH ME Listeners of the podcast get 10% on my coaching services.  I would be thrilled to support you in your parenting journey! Click here to get started with my Introductory (3 Sessions) Package or REAL Change Package - 6 Private Coaching Sessions-worldwide! :) Court-Ordered Parenting Classes (in person NJ, NY,and PA residents only)    YOUR FEEDBACK IS VALUABLE! Do you have a comment, question, or a takeaway about this episode or the podcast in general?   USA listeners call 732-763-2576 right now and leave a voicemail. International listeners use the FREE Speak Pipe tool on my website. Add your voice. It matters! Email: info@authenticparenting.com   SUBMIT YOUR PARENTING QUESTIONS TO BE ANSWERED IN THE SHOW: Voicemail: 732-763-2576 Speak Pipe for sending audio messages Email: info@authenticparenting.com   CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA Authentic Parenting on Facebook Instagram   NEED PARENTING SUPPORT? Join the Authentic Parenting FREE online community Thanks for listening!   With gratitude, Anna Seewald, M.Ed, M.Psy Parent Educator, Keynote Speaker, Author www.authenticparenting.com  

Have you ever lost your cool with your kid? Our guess is, yes. Listen in as Bippan Dhillon bravely shares her less-than-perfect-parent story and the reflections that came after. And for every parent out there who has been the victim of slime...you are not alone! Follow Bippan Dhillon on Instagram (@b_growing) and Linkedin. Her story first appeared on Ignite Your Parenting titled The Gateway of Success. In this episode, Bippan talks about: Howard Glasser and his Nurtured Heart Approach that influenced her early parenting years. And 1947PartitionArchive.org where she contributed accounts of her father through India-Pakistan partition in 1947. Follow us on instagram.com/reroutingpod and join the Rerouting community on reroutingpod.com Production Credits Show Edits - Jovan S Photography - Adam H.

Do you have a child that is more—more loud, more energetic, more argumentative, more everything? Intense children can be harder to raise, but their intensity is a gift as well as a parenting challenge. We talk with Howard Glasser, creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach to parenting. He is the author of Transforming the Difficult Child and Transforming the Intense Child Workbook.In this episode, we cover:What do you consider to be an intense child? My child was “more”—more loud, more energy—their reaction to most things was simply more. They go from 5 mph to 60mph in about a second. What are the labels and diagnoses that intense children often accumulate? ADHD, ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), conduct disorder, PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression.What makes some kids more “intense” than others? What do you mean by energy-challenged kids? Unable to handle or effectively control their physical, cognitive or emotional energy. They have a disorder of self-control. They have more energy than they have self-control.Energy is a gift as well as a challenge.You mention in Transforming the Difficult Child that many intense or difficult kids love video games—more so than the average child. I've noticed this too. Why? Structure-while I think all children need structure, the high intensity child really needs structure. Positive forms of structure vs. negative forms of structureTraditional parenting techniques did not work well for my intense little wonder. Your approach to raising an intense child is based on your Nurturing Heart Approach as outlined in your book, Transforming the Difficult Child and Transforming the Intense Child Workbook. What are the basic principles of this approach to parenting? The 3 strands.Strand 1: Refuse to energize the negative. What are some of the challenges parents face when applying this? What are some common ways we might accidentally energize the negative?Strand 2: Energize the positive. active recognition, experiential recognition, proactive recognition, creative recognition.Is there a problem with too much praise?Strand 3: Absolute clarity on limits and consequences. How to set limits?Intensity is not something that a person outgrows.This podcast is produced  by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamilySupport the show (https://creatingafamily.org/donation/)

Howard Glasser is the co-founder of the Nurtured Heart Institute and creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach. He focuses on family treatment, clinical studies, and educational leadership. Glasser specializes in helping children find their “greatness,” a theme at the center of his books, programs, and teachings. He also focuses on strengthening relationships between children and their parents.    In today's episode, host Shay Beider welcomes Howard Glasser to talk about how everyone's individual attributes can be the building blocks for their unique contribution in the world. Each life is precious and offers a special gift to the world. Glasser helps children and their parents see this light of individuality. He also shares his personal challenges as an intense child and how he learned to deal with his oppositional defiance that has influenced his approach with families, schools and communities all over the world.    Listen to the complete episode by clicking the player above. Transcripts for this episode are available at: https://www.integrativetouch.org/conversations-on-healing    Show Notes: Nurtured Heart Approach New Jersey's Coordinated System of Care Rutgers University of Arizona Zuckerman School of Public Health Dr. Ann Marie Chiasson Seven Mindsets Scarlett Lewis from Choose Love Children's Success Foundation Awake (movie) about Yogananda Gandhi This podcast was created by Integrative Touch for Kids (ITK). ITK is working to change the way people experience healthcare. ITK supports families whose children have any type of special health or medical need. This includes kids with cancers, genetic conditions, autism, cerebral palsy, traumatic stress, and other serious health issues. We have pioneered a new therapy called Integrative Touch™ and reach 3500 people each year in the hospital and community settings. We engage communities in support of families struggling with special medical needs and offer unique Telehealth programs to families and healthcare providers during this challenging time. Thanks to the incredible support of our volunteers and contributors, individuals are able to receive our healing services at little or no cost.

In this episode of the Brainy Moms podcast,  Dr. Amy Moore and visiting co-host Sandra Zamalis interview The Parenting Strategist, Lillian Reekie.  Lillian shares her personal journey and challenges of raising a neurodiverse child and the transformative impact of learning and implementing Howard Glasser's Nurtured Heart Approach to parenting and communicating with both her children.  As an Advanced Trainer in this extraordinary approach, she teaches moms (and dads) how to use it in their own relationships with their children. Lillian gives listeners some parenting tips to use right away, free access to her book, and information about her Facebook group and parenting classes.  Grab your tissues and listen to this heartwarming and encouraging episode!

childhood trauma, authentic self

In this episode, I was joined by special guest, Howard Glasser, Founder of the Children's Success Foundation and the creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach. The Nurtured Heart Approach® is more than a set of strategies; it is a philosophy and practice of creating healthy relationships. It reveals exactly what makes relationships flourish and thrive and what makes them go awry, developing awareness and understanding that improve the gamut of the ways we interact with others…and ourselves. Learn more at https://www.howardglasser.com/ ChooSELove Movement - www.chooselovemovement.org --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jesse-lewis-choose-love-m/message

This episode of “Mad in the Family” focuses on a non-drug method to bringing out the best in challenging children, particularly those diagnosed with “ADHD.” It is called the Nurtured Heart Approach® and its essence is that, in the words of our guest, “the same intensity that drives people crazy is actually the source of a child’s greatness." He is the approach’s creator, family therapist Howard Glasser.  Glasser has been called “one of the most influential living persons working to reduce children’s reliance on psychiatric medications” and is the author of the bestselling book, Transforming the Difficult Child and more than a dozen other books. Glasser is also the Founder of the Children’s Success Foundation, whose  mission is to advance the work of the Nurtured Heart Approach by conducting training programs to support parents in building Inner Wealth® in their children, educators in formally implementing the approach in school systems, and therapeutic professionals to meet the unique mental health needs of “intense” children. A frequent keynote speaker at conferences  on treatment and education, he currently teaches certification trainings on his method, as well as in Dr. Andrew Weil’s program at the University of Arizona’s School of Integrative Medicine. http://www.howardglasser.com/ https://childrenssuccessfoundation.com/

THE NURTURED HEART APPROACH is a beautiful episode with Howard Glasser, the Founder of the Children’s Success Foundation and creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach®. He likes to think of himself as a voice for children’s greatness so that ultimately children can find their own voice of greatness. Howard’s training background is in family treatment, clinical studies and educational leadership and his body of work has been inspired from his work with some of the most intense and challenging children. He has been referred to as one of the more influential living persons working to reduce children’s reliance on psychiatric medications and his work has been featured on CNN, in Esquire Magazine, as well as in now inspiring a growing number of programs worldwide. Howard is the author of 15 books, including Transforming the Difficult Child, Notching Up the Nurtured Heart Approach, and Igniting Greatness and is a sought after Keynote speaker at conferences in areas of treatment and education. The Nurtured Heart Approach has been successfully adopted by the state of New Jersey’s Coordinated System of Care and is being examined as a model of care by other states as well as being currently researched by both by Rutgers University and the University of Arizona’s Zuckerman School of Public Health with findings soon to be published. He currently teaches certification trainings on his method, teaches at Andrew Weil’s renowned program at the University of Arizona’s School of Integrative Medicine as well as in the new Transformational Wellness program at U of A’s School of Public Health. Howard and I had a moving conversation around ADHD children and our society's need to honor children for who they are and not try to mold them into who we think they should be! For more information on Howard Glasser and The Nurtured Heart Approach, please visit http://www.howardglasser.com For more information on this podcast, please visit www.adhdisover.com

Were our parents good parents? We have no complaints. Well, maybe a few tiny ones. Mentioned: Transforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser; The Child with Special Needs by Stanley Greenspan; The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley; psychologist Adele Brodkin.

Stephanie Rule and Howard Glasser hold an inspiring and uplifting conversation about building Inner Wealth™ amidst a world crisis, the Pandemic COVID-19. Tune in to hear about tools that will not only help build Inner Wealth in your children, but also in yourself. Learn how to apply The Nurtured Heart Approach® to your children, the adults in your life, and yourself, on ever-deepening levels. Guest Bio:  https://childrenssuccessfoundation.com/april-2020-howard-glasser-is-our-guest/ Music: Sunny - Bensound.com

Today's guest is Mary Jordan, a homeschooling mom of 4 kids and one of Bonnie's close personal friends. Mary shares her heartbreaking and beautiful story of infertility including adoption, foster care, IVF and more, as well as some fantastic tips for taking charge of your household. If your role as a mom seems boring or uninspiring, Mary's take on life and motherhood will motivate you and make you cheer! We know you'll love her advice and attitude as much as we do. Follow along on Mary's parenting and IVF pregnancy journey via Instagram @somejordangoodnessTransforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser and Jennifer EasleyThe Child Whisperer by Carol TuttleParenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline & Jim FayWild at Heart by John Eldredge

Learn tangible, positive ways to help you take control of your parenting today! In this solo episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, goes into detail, with personal examples, of how to actually implement the Nurtured Heart Parenting approach with your small, or teenage children. Tony dives into the three stands of the Nurtured Heart Approach: Stand 1, refuse to be drawn into energizing or rewarding negativity, hide your buttons! Make the responses to tantrums, episodes and broken rules boring, predictably boring! Stand 2, absolutely energize and nurture success, making the building of "inner wealth" the goal. Do it, relentlessly do it! I WILL energize the positive using the Nurtured Heart Approaches four techniques to find, recognize and comment upon successes, small, large and everything in between EVEN if you believe there's nothing there to praise! And Stand 3, clearly, but casually, enforce limits. Create a system where the rules are understood, and when they are broken, here's what happens. I WILL provide a true consequence when a rule is broken, I WILL be absolutely clear with my expectations, I will NOT simply dangle a carrot but I will provide a reminder, with limits! From the website Children's Success Foundation https://childrenssuccessfoundation.com/ the Nurtured Heart Approach is described as follows: "The Nurtured Heart Approach® is a relationship-focused methodology founded strategically in The 3 Stands™ for helping children (and adults) build their Inner Wealth™ and use their intensity in successful ways. It has become a powerful way of awakening the inherent greatness in all children while facilitating parenting and classroom success. The essence of the Approach is a set of core methodologies originally developed for working with the most difficult children. It has a proven impact on every child, including those who are challenged behaviorally, socially and academically. The Nurtured Heart Approach has been shown to create transformative changes in children diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder and other behavioral, emotional and anxiety related symptoms – almost always without the need for long-term mental health treatment. Even children experiencing social cognitive challenges, like Autism Spectrum Disorder and Asperger Syndrome greatly benefit from the Approach, reducing the need for traditional mental health and medical interventions." The book Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach, by Howard Glasser, may be found here https://amzn.to/2r8mgij Tony mentions a couple of podcasts in this episode, first is when he spoke with Pastor Chris Jung from Summit Christian Church in Lincoln, CA (http://mysummit.church) about the Nurtured Heart Approach, you can find that episode here https://www.tonyoverbay.com/2018/02/26/virtual-couch-podcast-episode-40-parenting-help-4-items-w-pastor-chris-jung-of-summit-church/ Tony also discussed the Nurtured Heart Approach on Rachel Nielson's 3 in 30 Takeaways for Mom's Podcast (http://3in30podcast.com) and that episode can be located here https://3in30podcast.com/captivate_podcast/praise/ Tony Overbay's new book, co-authored with author Joshua Shea (The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About: How I Let My Pornography Addiction Hurt People and Destroy Relationships https://amzn.to/2O0KxAd) He's A Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions, is now available on Amazon, you can find it here https://amzn.to/2KylIcz And you can find out more about Tony's pornography recovery program The Path Back by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs, and podcasts. The Virtual Couch is sponsored by http://Betterhelp.com/virtualcouch Betterhelp.com is the world's leading provider of online therapy. Their mission is to make professional counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient, so anyone who struggles with life's challenges can get help, anytime, anywhere. Head to http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch for 10% off your first month of services.

The Nurtured Heart Approach®, a dynamic relationship-focused methodology that builds Inner Wealth™ in children, empowering them to channel their intensity in productive ways, ensuring their successful future. Founder and inventor Howard Glasser sits with us to discuss: 1. Approach for dealing intense behavior in children 2. Medication alternative for ADD, ADHD and other behavioral disorders 3. His robust morning routine Connect with him: www.childrensuccessfoundation.com

A recent post on the Today show site (https://community.today.com/post/5-easy-ways-to-build-your-relationship-with-your-teenager) got us talking today. It's about "easy" (red flag!) ways to build your relationship with your teenager. Despite its quick-and-easy promise, we did find some good advice within, and shared our own too. Mentioned: "Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured-Heart Approach" by Howard Glasser (https://amzn.to/2HnjdbH). For quotes, archives, and more, visit us at http://parentingroundabout.com.

Transforming the Difficult Child-The Nurtured Heart Approach is a book by Howard Glasser and Jennifer Easley. It is expertly written and has been adapted in many school systems throughout the world. It is not just for the difficult child and once implemented, you will see confidence and order come into your child you've never seen before. Whether if you're single parent, coparent, or married, anyone with children should come and listen.

Have you ever read a book that hit you square in the chest? That spoke to your heart in such a way that you knew that the way you see the world had just changed FOREVER? Well this is exactly what happened to me when I read the book, Notching Up the Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser. It was recommended to me by my little guy Maverick’s teacher who said my “spirited little boy”  would benefit greatly from this approach.

What are some practical ways to build safety in your relationship? To get back to love when you're in conflict? And to create such a solid background of safety and positive energy in your relationship that you can withstand the inevitable bumps along the way? One of the most important skills for you to develop is the ability to come back when things go a bit off-the-rails. In today’s episode, we’re going to give you a tool to help you when times are challenging - and to put even more positive energy in the relationship bank account when things are going well - or even just neutral. Our guest is Gabrielli LaChiara, a teacher and friend whose work has been fundamental in the growth of my own relationship, as well as my coaching and healing work with clients. In our conversation today, Gabrielli blends some of the techniques of Howard Glasser’s Nurtured Heart approach with her own Infinity Healing practice to give you something you can start doing right away to boost your relationship. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Resources: Listen to our first episode with Gabrielli LaChiara - Episode 16: Expanding Your View of What’s Possible in Relationship Check out Gabrielli LaChiara's website FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - it also still helps during separations... Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) - even this is helpful for understanding the needs of your co-parent www.neilsattin.com/infinity2 Visit to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Gabrielli LaChiara. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. Today, we're going to dive in to the question of, what can you do in the moment when things are going off the rails with your partner to bring yourself, and to help bring your partner back to presence, to balance, to safety so that you can grow from there. I wanted to give you something really practical, and I also wanted to bring in someone special to give you this something really practical. Her name is Gabrielli LaChiara and she's been on the show once before back in Episode 16, in an episode entitled "Expanding Your View of What's Possible in Your Relationship." That's a very powerful episode. If you want to check it out, you can go to neilsattin.com/infinity, and you'll hear in a moment why it's /infinity. But you can go there to listen to our last episode, but we're going to build on that, but it's not required that you listen to that first, just so you know. Neil Sattin: Gabrielli is a great friend of mine, a close friend, a teacher who has been really a guide for me and Chloe for the past nearly five years. We've been in a training with her, learning about this combination of neural science and shamanism and energy work kind of all blended together in a way that's really practical and has helped us do our healing work in the world. But it wouldn't be possible without what we've learned from Gabrielli LaChiara. I'm really excited to have my friend and teacher here with us today and we'll start with that question and we'll take it from there and who knows where we'll go. It's always exciting and unpredictable. Thank you so much for joining us today Gabrielli. Gabrielli LaChiara: Thank you. Hi. Neil Sattin: Hi. Yeah, great to have you here. It's so funny that episode 16, that's practically ancient history for the podcast, and yet amusingly enough I'm actually sitting in the very room where I started recording the podcast ages ago and we're back there. I think I've told everyone listening that Chloe and I moved recently. We're back in the the big city. So in some ways, even having you on the show is also bringing things back full circle. But of course even though we're back, it's always new and different. I feel like we know each other so much better than we did back then as well. So in our last conversation, we focused a lot on this question of how a lot of people find their way into relationship, and then it's like they didn't get the memo that their partner actually isn't out to get them. [laughter] Gabrielli LaChiara: I remember that. [laughter] Neil Sattin: And that's a lot of what comes up once people get through that honeymoon phase of just being blissed out on each other. There's this tension that's often... You could sum up and translate as, we're not on the same team. So a lot of what we talked about was, how do we bring people back onto the same team and yet what is so challenging is even if you come from that place and you recognize it, "We're on the same team, we're in this together." The thing is, in a moment where one or the other of you unintentionally or sometimes intentionally ruptures the safety of the relationship in whatever way that happens. Now, it can feel like that person sitting across from you or next to you or in the other room is your enemy. It can just feel that way even if you know intellectually that's not true. So, one of the initial inspirations for bringing you back on the show was to talk about this strategy, this technique that you've taught me and Chloe, and that comes from... I'm going to let you talk about where it comes from but that's been so helpful when we can remember and make ourselves do it in bringing us back to the moment that we've called energizing or presencing. So maybe you could give us a quick background on where this comes from, and then we'll talk about what it is and how to do it. Gabrielli LaChiara: That sounds like a good idea. I'm just here talking, and I'm listening and I'm feeling, and I'm having those memories of being on the call last time and just first, I want to acknowledge and appreciate the amount of time and energy and resourcing you've done to encourage and support healthy relationships, not only yours, but all of the people who listen. So I just feel, I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed and crazy appreciative of the time and the care you've put into developing these resource guides. So what that brings up for me is this kind of welling of gratitude. Gabrielli LaChiara: It's interesting because that welling of gratitude is both something that we occasionally have naturally. In this moment, it came natural to me. It just welled up inside of like, "Wow, there's... So many people's lives are changing or adjusting, or growing, or learning, or evolving because of this contribution you're making." And for how long you've been doing that. There's this well of gratitude. What it reminds me of is my backyard when I was eight years old and I had a really good friend - I had a lot of really good friends, but I can remember this one friend who used to come to my backyard and we would... Her name was Cricket, and we used to play croquet. She was the only friend I had ever had that at that time, that stood out for this one particular reason, which is going to make total sense when I come back to answering your question. Because we would be playing this game, and every time one of us did something well, the other one would celebrate it and start jumping up and down, and we'd get really super silly and funny and playful. I had a lot of friends that I always had fun and laughed with, but this was probably the only friend that I... That ever gave me compliments or that I would give compliments to for doing well. Gabrielli LaChiara: I could remember how infectious this was, that not only were we playing this game and that we weren't being competitive, which was its own thing, and I grew up with brothers who were really competitive. So that in and of itself was really fun, but I can remember this feeling in my heart that I would now describe almost like my spirit enlivening, because there was, nobody could do anything wrong. It became an energy, a vibration of total success constantly. So every time we played croquet, we were just feeding this... What felt to me, like I was feeding my soul and my heart with positivity. So that memory flooded in and if I think about where did energizing come and I fast forward, energizing came from... I actually learned the tool called energizing from the Nurtured Heart Approach. I found the Nurtured Heart Approach in parenting, which is, I also now use in school systems across the country and with families, but with everyone, with couples, with people. I found the Nurtured Heart Approach at a time when the intensity in my home with my child was so exaggerated that... And I knew something was wrong, and I would say to people, "I just have to give more. I have to give more. He's not getting enough from me." And people around me were like, "You're a parent who gives way too much to your child. Never mind give them more." Gabrielli LaChiara: But I knew something was missing, and I was craving this connection that I was trying to build with this human being that I felt like if I could just build it correctly, if I could give him enough, maybe things wouldn't be so hard. I was pouring it in, maybe not in all the right places, but I was really devoted to try to pour it in connection. At the time that I found the Nurtured Heart Approach, I picked up the book and poured through it, and I was just fascinated with this idea of where does the energy go in our relationships, and how much time are we putting into, and fuel and resource, are we putting into what's going wrong? And not that there aren't boundaries or agreements or consequences that people need with each other in some way, restitutions, but that our actual... Our resource of energy, emotions, relationship, becomes very quickly a paradigm where it's easy to focus on what's wrong. Gabrielli LaChiara: So that sense that your partner is out to get you breeds more and more looking for the problems, more and more noticing the problems, more and more defining the problems. Like our resource, our energy, our emotions, our thoughts and maybe you can identify with this, but I'm sure others can identify with this, how many times do you walk away from your home or your partner and spend hours thinking about what you don't like about them or what went wrong, or what you're angry about or planning the conversation you're going to have to confront some problem? Do you know that space or do you know people that have that? Neil Sattin: Well, for sure, clients of mine are in that. I feel like some... As I hear you talk about that, miraculously I recognize that in my relationship with Chloe, that's really not a dynamic that I experience. Gabrielli LaChiara: Good, good. Neil Sattin: At least not anymore. There were times where that was really a big deal for us, but yeah, not currently. Gabrielli LaChiara: Anyway, the concept of energizing was introduced in that way. What I realized is that what I had been craving all along was a way to feed the goodness, the greatness, the essence of my child and/or of everybody. What occurred to me is that my... Everything in my life felt like it came into focus with "what's important to me is what's going right". What's important to me is how to build from good experiences. What's important to me is how to take a hard experience and learn from it. But all this positivity that was missing in my emotional dynamics with people - and so for me, the first platform was my child, but then it became this platform of life and I've used it in businesses or with couples, and it's just this cornerstone of what does it take to feed more energy, more attention, more time, and more resource into what is actually going right and into the values that you want to create in your dynamic. Gabrielli LaChiara: I'll take it to relationships in this way. I have this image of these grooves that people get into where we're stuck, we're maybe frozen in a groove and the power struggle is ever present. So we come home and we kick into it and we think about it. Sometimes we can take a break and be amazing, but then it kicks back in. To me, energizing is like creating a whole another groove, like a river of possibility and a place where no matter how hard it gets, there's so much in the well of what's going right and how I believe in you and the faith I have and the values we're aligned in. There's so much built, invested in the well that there's like a currency of positivity we can drink from. So you have a problem and you might dump the well halfway, but you have a well to dump from, to draw from. Does that make sense? Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah, definitely and I think when I reflect on what I just said about what's up with me and Chloe, I think part of that is that we have so much in the bank account. Even when we've had a lot going on that the whole emotional set point of our relationship is so different now than it was in the earlier days. Gabrielli LaChiara: Right. And that investment builds over time, just like the investment in negativity builds over time. So we know that the first time we have a problem that doesn't win the whole relationship, or we leave. Or if it does, we leave, if it's that bad. But if we're sticking around and we're still having those negative experiences, we begin to create a bank account of negative experiences. The brain is pretty simple sometimes. So it's very easy for the brain to catalogue and remember the order of those experiences, or maybe not the order, but the magnitude of those experiences, like they build. If we are constantly coming at the problem as a problem focused relationship, we'll actually feed more problems, and that was the aha. Even if I'm talking about the problems nicely, which was more my style, which is to try to process and talk about the problems and problem solve and come up with solutions and think about what was happening and understand it differently, I was still talking about problems [chuckle] and that meant that I was actually feeding the dynamism of the problem. I was giving it a lot of energy. Gabrielli LaChiara: So in the human brain, I think because we're designed for safety, it's pretty easy to scan and look for the problems. I think that's just natural. We want to make sure we're okay. So to look up and be like, "What's going to go wrong?" I think we do that a lot, driving down the road, walking somewhere, planning for something, we scan what's going wrong. I don't think that's unnatural. So energizing in a way, as much as we can be nice people, energizing might end up being somewhat unnatural to teach the brain and teach ourselves how to focus in on what's going right. Deliberately, consciously, with effort, with time, and to notice that in order to do that, we have to let something go. We have to temporarily shut off the addiction or attraction to the problem. Neil Sattin: Right, and that's what's so challenging when you're in a triggered space because you're so locked in in that moment to the negative, like the part of your brain, that negative bias that's found the danger. It's locked in and it's just saying danger over and over again until you find a way to get yourself out of it. But the strategies that your brain knows automatically are somewhat primitive, for getting out of that. Gabrielli LaChiara: Right, very primitive. Very primitive. So we're in fight, flight, or freeze and that's what we're doing. So when we look at that primal structure, the question becomes, what does it take to comfort that primal structure or to side bar it? Because you're not going to stop all the reactivity in the relationship, we're going to have that. We come in in a relationship, there's no way we get to Earth without having a relationship. They're required, you're fused and formed through another human being. Just that puts us in a state of understanding the impact that another human being can have on us. We know deep inside that people have the capacity to annihilate us. We know deep inside that our partners are capable of just wreaking havoc on us. We know that and that becomes almost what we look for. "Are you safe for me", becomes a way that I look for all the problems to scan if I'm safe. I almost want to find the problem so that I can figure out whether or not you're really safe. And yet that in and of itself is a formula for creating travesties, crisis, problems. All kinds of brokenness comes from running into the problems on purpose over and over and over again. Right? Neil Sattin: Right. Because if you're looking for it and that's where you're tuned in all the time, then that gives so much more weight to the moments where you might say, "Oh, see there, there it is. I told you I wasn't safe," and it just it becomes this self-validating thing. Whereas if you weren't looking for evidence, you would have so much more resilience in how you interpreted things that maybe are coming at you cross-wise. But in the context of, "Am I safe or not?" Then everything that comes at you cross-wise becomes just that confirmation of like, "Oh, I guess I really am not safe." Gabrielli LaChiara: Right. There's strategies, all kinds of things that I think about in this conversation, but one of them is like, "Can I trust myself over a long period of time to be able to gauge and assess safety?" If safety isn't every single dynamic that's happening or if my assessment of safety doesn't have to happen on every breath I take in this room, it does require us, and maybe we don't know, relationships are changing so much in our culture. We're not diving into relationships just for security or some of us are not. So if we're choosing a relationship for love, we have even that much more on the line. And what does it even mean? There's not a template that has been around long enough that we can totally count on, and maybe one template doesn't work for everyone. Gabrielli LaChiara: So there's this vulnerability and like, "What's it going to take for me personally?" This is my vulnerability to be able to assess appropriately whether or not someone's safe for me. On the one hand, I want to know right away and on another hand, I never want to know. Like I both don't ever want to know that you're unsafe for me, and I'm dying to find out right now that you're unsafe so I can blow it up and get out of here, or I'm like so, how do I manage that? I think that's a real conundrum, again, in the primal brain. So on one hand, we're looking at a container that's longer ranging. So one being, "Can I put in some tools for myself? Where is my accountability? Who am I going to work with outside of my partnership to support me and being able to assess if this person really is safe for me?" Can I allow my brain to relax a bit if I say like, "Okay, I'm going to take the next three months, six months, a year, whatever, and begin to define what that means." Like, "How often is this person being, am I in conflict with them? Are those conflicts real or are they not real? Are they over whether or not I moved my mug on the counter? Or are we actually diving into dynamics that are really not okay and emotionally unhealthy?" Gabrielli LaChiara: So there's all this context in that way. Coming back to the moment with you, I would say when we energize, what we're doing is building a platform so that we can get triggered and we don't get lost. So to me, energizing is a backdrop. It's like the screen saver. I want to feel like every time I rest my brain, I go to the whole well, the whole investments. I dive into all the delicious places where things have gone right and that therefore, when something does go wrong, I can bounce back faster. So it's... We're never going to not be triggered by our partners, that would be insane to think we could do that. So, can we find a safe way to get triggered, feel contracted, reset, bounce back, and then what do we step into? If there's not a well there that's healthy and vibrant and filled with not just great experiences, but meaning, deep purpose and meaning, and values, then we have a harder time coming out of the conflict. Does that make sense? Neil Sattin: Right, because it's like, what are you coming out to? Gabrielli LaChiara: Exactly. You don't know how to get out. And as you were saying before, when the brain gets that fixated, it's expecting trauma. If we're in fight, flight and freeze we think someone's dying, it's an expectation of trauma. It's huge when we get that triggered. So in order to step out of that, the part of our brain that's not traumatized has to take over and look around and be like, "But hey, look, all these things are okay." Like, "These things are safe, and this person has met your values in that way, and they have kindness, and here's how it shows and look at all the moments where there's been respect and care given to one another." So we need to have evidence of what's going right and that evidence has to be so specific, and clear, and digestible, irrefutable in order for it to stick. It has to therefore become a bigger pulse than the problems we have. Neil Sattin: Yeah. So, what would that look like? Maybe it's worth talking about how you set that as a backdrop, but also when I think on our experience, how that translates in a triggered moment, it's so... It becomes so stripped down to the bare bones of that. Gabrielli LaChiara: I'll speak to both of those. So, let me just speak to energizing first. I'm really fond of reboots, bounce backs, resets, whatever you want to call them. I love them, even do overs I love. I love when we get to notice that we're off track. And to me, there's like a foundation also and an agreement that says, "Hey, if we get off track, here's the things we're going to do. Here's what we're going to do if we get off track." And anyone can cry uncle, anyone can throw in the red flag, but once we're off track, whoever can reset first, resets until the other person catches up. And usually that needs some agreements, like some basic structures of, "Okay. We're going to take either 10 minutes or two hours or two days, whatever it is, but at that point when we come back together, how do we come back together?" And that's the connection to energizing. If we only do energizing when we've had a problem, we'll actually instigate more problems, because as nice as that sounds, when we give each other a lot of positive feedback after we've blown out, and the make up sex and all those things that people talk about, "Let's get in a fight and make it better." It actually feeds that getting in a fight ends up in a good place. And so we want to be a little careful not to only do your energizing and positive connections after there's been a problem. Neil Sattin: Yeah. I was also thinking of this kind of built-in and this is... The word conundrum is coming to me again, where if you only do it when you're having a problem, then when you're doing it, it would reinforce the like, "Oh, right, we're having a problem right now." Gabrielli LaChiara: Right. Neil Sattin: Versus what you want it to be reinforcing, which is, "No, the backdrop of this problem is actually that we're safe right now and we've got each other." Gabrielli LaChiara: Right, right. Then also partners, relationships knowing their limits, part of resetting and rebooting is actually knowing when you're over your head. So if you keep trying to tackle a topic that becomes toxic, or out of control or painful, then it's helpful to be able to recognize that either we're not strong enough yet to do this or we need help, or it's just not the right timing. Neil Sattin: Right. Gabrielli LaChiara: So when we put energizing in as the backdrop, and I think it feels helpful to me to describe it a little bit? Neil Sattin: Yes. Gabrielli LaChiara: But if we put energizing in as a backdrop, what we're doing is saying, "Okay. So let's return to our safety. Let's remember why we're in this relationship." Let's go back to the values and the things that bring us together, and that each of us hold as the goodness and greatness of who we are as people. Then let's rationally take a look, when we're ready, that whether or not we just need to take a topic off the table for a little while. Or it could be as simple as, "Don't ever talk about that topic at dinner, because we can't do that over food." Maybe there's triggers we don't know about. Or it could be as big as, "We're not going to be able to resolve that on our own, so let's get some therapy and help and support and put some pieces together that we might be missing." Right? Neil Sattin: Right. Gabrielli LaChiara: Let me dive into energizing. The Nurtured Heart Approach, it's a fabulous body of work and it was designed for parenting. And again, I took it and started playing with it in schools and education, teachers, administrations, relationships, relationships, relationships, 'cause I love it. I just love it. It struck the chord in me of that little girl that knew that when we meet each other out of competition and in positivity, the world just gets so much brighter and we all feel safer. So Howard Glasser is the founder of that. I just will name that for him, and people can look up his work if they want to. But what I'll say about energizing, that I thought was profound, is that it's, first of all, it's easier to focus on the negative. That's more natural to our brains. When we are triggered, we usually can catalog, to the detail, something that's going on. So the brain does this thing where it's like, "You opened the door. Then you looked at me and then you turned to the right. Then you turned to the left. And you had on a black shirt. And you went over there. And then you went over here." We know everything that happened and all of that was the evidence that you hate me. Gabrielli LaChiara: In Nurtured Heart and in energizing, there's this flip around which says, "Wait a minute, I'm going to catalog the facts of the moment. I'm going to fine tune down to just the facts of a moment; not a big, grandiose generalized thing." The New York Times wrote an article about why praise and compliments were bad years ago. It was interesting to me because I kinda get it. When you do a lot of empty, open praise and there's pain, we often don't believe the compliments and they can actually backfire on us. So, if somebody's saying to me, "That was amazing, you're great." And I feel insecure inside, I'm like, "Nah, you're wrong. I am just... I suck." In energizing, the idea was to create safety, and the safety is the evidence, the irrefutable evidence that I'm really seeing you, present and clear, in this moment in time, and those are the facts. So they become those same kind of facts we use when we're upset, but they're when nothing's going wrong. The most amazing time to energize is when nothing's going right and nothing's going wrong. It's a neutral because we begin to say, "Oh, all of the things that happen in between, the amazing moments and the horrible moments, count. They're important to me." Gabrielli LaChiara: So we fact find simple like, "Hey, you were looking at me. When you walked in the door, you weren't angry and you came to the table and you put down your book and you looked up and I glanced at you and we caught eyes and that means something to me because all of those tiny little things that happened show me that you care." So we qualify it with our value and our values are personal. We can qualify it with any value. It's whatever value I decide to qualify it as. That's the prerogative of the giver. But the person receiving is received in facts first. So again, "You walked in the door. You put down your book. You looked up and looked me in the eye. And when you did that, I felt cared for. I just gave you the value that's important to me, or you showed kindness. Or I felt respected, I felt noticed." What becomes so important are the facts. You can just say facts, and that still energizes. People think it's awkward, but honestly, it's like the most natural thing we do. We just don't practice it when nothing's going wrong. [chuckle] Because again, it's natural when people are angry, whether they say it out loud or not, or hurt, they're fact finding the whole time, they're thinking about every tiny detail of what went wrong. It's very natural to do. Neil Sattin: Right. So there's tuning into the actual details of what you're noticing and naming them. How do you draw the connection, for instance between, "and you did all these things and what that means to me is that you care about me", where it might seem tenuous? Well, how did my coming in and setting my book down on the counter... I'm just thinking of the classic example would be, "You came in, you put your shit down on the table. And I got pissed because I've been trying to clean the house all day and now there's more shit on the table." It's like... So, how do you turn that into these elements that really don't necessarily have a meaning attached to them unless a partner is maliciously like putting things on the table to disrupt the cleanliness of the house or something like that. Yeah. How do you draw that connection in a way that feels genuine? Gabrielli LaChiara: Yeah, that's a great question. First of all, it won't in the beginning feel genuine. So I'll just throw that out for a second because we kinda do have to fake it until we make it. There's something about getting the brain to be comfortable saying these words, fact finding, and then putting positive things on it is going to be awkward. So both partners have to be responsive, although I've seen relationships change because one partner just decides to go forward and the other one doesn't even involve themselves at all. The intention is what counts. So first of all, the integrity to be working towards change and to be saying, "I'm going to deliberately focus on what's going right. I'm just going to focus on it," as hard as it might seem rather than making up stories, because we're either finding facts or we're making up stories. It's pretty much what our brain does. We find facts or we make up stories, we're doing it all the time anyway, so I can find the facts to make up a story of something great, or I can find the facts to make up a story of something horrible, where it really is awkward to find the facts and say good things about them for a lot of us. Gabrielli LaChiara: Even those people who are positive, it's awkward. Because we usually aren't being that specific. And so a couple could do it. There's of couple of options. If the couple together is on board, then they together might decide, "Let's focus on kindness and respect for a month, and let's just look for it everywhere we can. And let's energize each other anywhere from one to 20 times a day in any way that we see kindness and respect in each other," and even ourselves, I can do it for myself. Like today, I did this thing, and it was an act of kindness. And here's the five facts of what I did. I saw somebody fall down. I stopped over to see if they were okay. I waited for their friend to come get to them who was at the car. But I showed kindness. There needs to be an agreement on some level if you do it that way because I think it's helpful for partners to both get on board. And yet if you can't have that agreement, it's really just one person drawing from wherever they can find. Gabrielli LaChiara: So you can be spontaneous and just say whatever comes to mind, you can have teachers in classrooms, and parents sometimes put words all over the ceiling and the wall, and the refrigerators, and they just look for a word. It's like, "Okay. I'm going to look for the facts. You just sat down at the table and now you put your fork down and now you're looking at me." And all of a sudden I'm like, I have a moment to create something, but I don't know what to do. And so I look up and I'm like, "Oh, oh, I see. I have 10 choices. Okay, that shows me, I'm going to choose respect, for example." All of this sounds kind of trite, or maybe awkward and weird as it is but my experience is that when we deliberately focus on building the muscle of positivity and energizing and caring about our values, it takes of like wildfire in no time, it really in a couple of weeks is natural. We want it. We want to be acknowledged, it's a primal need to be valued. To be loved. Neil Sattin: That's one reason why I think the facts are so important. Is that, one, kind of like what you were saying earlier. It's grounding it in a reality, so it's that part of you that wants to discount what your partner is saying. "Well, I can't argue with the fact that I came in the house and I set down my briefcase and I looked at you, those things did happen." So it kind of messes with that part of the circuitry that otherwise might say, "No, I don't believe you." Gabrielli LaChiara: I don't believe you, right. Oops, sorry. Neil Sattin: It's okay. Also, I want to just point out that, because I think you listening probably... You have a sense that I'm a pretty positive person and the fact that I think I've probably even said those words. This has been hard for me to put into practice regularly even coming from a positive place. So I like that you use that analogy of building a muscle and breaking it down to its constituent components. Gabrielli LaChiara: It is like working out. So if we think of it like, "We're going to put an exercise plan in our life." We know that exercising is healthy for us, and we also know that not exercising over a long, long, long period of time will cause a problem. So if we look at the relationship and we say, "We want to build this muscle." Then we know that if we exercise the muscle of seeing each other, believing, and I would say that ultimately, the muscle is, "Can I believe in you?", and it helps the person giving maybe even more than the person receiving. It's like when I look at you and I can remember that you're a kind person, and I can look at you and I can say, "Whoa, that was so... That little thing you did that you do all the time, it can count. It actually counts for something incredible about you." Then I also have some fortitude to remember like, "Wait a minute, I'm not seeing you clearly when all I see is the bad thing." And build my muscle. So it really is like an exercise. Gabrielli LaChiara: I encourage people. Often, they'll start out or they'll... With a week at a time, and then I encourage like tracking it a little bit, and resetting it as a bigger picture, too. The couple can do this for two weeks, and then sit down, and talk about how it's going and then put it back in place, and do it again. Just to try to think like, "Okay. I need to keep this going." And how do we do that? It does build on itself, the reservoir of goodness begins to take effect, and it can have a couple things happen. One time I've... Not one time, but many times, I see partners actually temporarily feel worse 'cause they're like, "Oh, my God. This is terrible. I have never been acknowledged my whole life, and I'm starting to feel some sadness about not being seen so many times." and yet I'm not angry at my partner, and I'm not sad about them. It might bring up the emotions that are underneath the conflicts that are more personal to each person. Other times, it just feeds a part of the need on such a deep level that people start to relax with each other and they start to realize like, "Oh, we could actually enjoy each other." Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. That makes me think about how important this is in a triggered moment. And why this... I guess what my brain is doing right now is it's forming the connection again between, "Right. I feel seen by my partner and I actually feel very seen when I'm getting the facts." Because it's like that is what is happening right now. It's, "I'm not getting the story. I'm getting all of your attention really." So receiving that is so nourishing and then coming back to that in a triggered moment reminds you, 'cause I think you're not really in your body so much when you're triggered. So again, it's another way that you're reminded, "Oh, wait a minute. One, I actually exist" because it could be a reminder like I'm hearing that I just put my hand down on the cushion. And that reminds me that I, for one thing, have a fucking hand and there it is on the cushion. It's like bringing me back to me in those moments. Gabrielli LaChiara: Well, present. It's bringing you into presence for present time and if that's the body, that's incredible because you're right. We do disconnect from our body awareness when we're in pain. That's very normal to have happened, so this idea that we could bring each other into present time. One thing I'll say is, it's interesting most of the time, we're having a problem with our partners in our own head. So we could have a conflict, and that conflict can last 10 minutes or an hour. Often, the conflict lasts this 10 or 15-minute thing. And then for an hour, we feel awful. Maybe two hours, a minute, who knows what happens? Maybe we go off to work, and come home. Maybe, we get distracted. But what happens is it doesn't leave our brain. So our brain is thinking about our partner from the lens of that moment, for hours and hours, if not, weeks, and days, and years. So we catalogue that, and that's how I think of you. So then I see you in this moment, and I'm not really seeing you in this moment free from any other moment. This moment is packed with 80 million other things. Gabrielli LaChiara: So this idea that we can pull ourselves and our partners back into present time, which is like even if we had a conflict an hour ago, and this is why I like resetting, and coming back to energizing especially if there's already been energizing as a backdrop. Then when we come back it's like, "Let me just get in this moment now because maybe that thing is not resolvable. Maybe I did something to hurt your feelings. Maybe you hurt my feelings. Maybe I can't even fix that thing. Maybe that's not the goal, to try to go fix the problem we had. But at least if I could come back here and remember like, "You're still a person sitting across from me. Probably now, you're not actually doing anything that bad anymore." Now, you actually might just be sitting there eating food or watching TV or walking the dog." Gabrielli LaChiara: It's like, and I am losing all of these moments of freedom that I get to reclaim by recognizing that the present time is not still filled with that conflict. So it does this amazing lensing of coming back and checking like, "Are we still in crisis or not?" Again, there's this thing about what do you with the problem? And gosh, I could... I think I probably have two weeks worth of teleclasses I could talk to you about. [chuckle] My brain is filled with so much. Because there's a question of what we do with the problem and what we do with those conflicts we can't resolve, 'cause we'll have them. We all have them and how to hold that and come back to energizing and then know how to come back to the problem in a healthy way, right? Neil Sattin: Right. Gabrielli LaChiara: But there's this whole idea of, can we build this reservoir so full that we can bounce back from the problems. So that when we approach them, we actually have the space to approach them in a more healthy way. Neil Sattin: Right. Right. Because when you have the backdrop of safety supporting you as you enter a conversation about a problem, that's way different than entering a conversation about a problem feeling like you're about to drop a bomb or... Gabrielli LaChiara: Right. Neil Sattin: Something like that, yeah. Gabrielli LaChiara: And you might get triggered exactly the same as soon as it comes up again, and you may not be able to resolve that, and you may then have to bounce back and reset again. What I would say is that that's the way of building health and the dynamic is to recognize your limits. Sometimes we really can't solve that problem and we're going to need help, or we're going to need space or time to reflect, or maybe we're missing a whole pile of information we haven't even thought of yet. So when we keep having that same injury or hurt recall, when the pain keeps coming back every time we approach the problem, it's good information. It's like, "Oh, wow, we really do have a conflict we can't resolve yet. And so what are we going to do about that?" Neil Sattin: Yeah. How do you... Let's say you have something like that in your relationship, how do you hold on to the energy of growth and change and just entrusting in the unfolding, even though you know that that problem is still there and unresolved? Gabrielli LaChiara: Right, right. That would be where you orient the values of the relationship. Again, it brings me to so many other pieces that are just part of the scaffolding, and I won't spend too much time here, and I am about to launch a teleclass or actually by the time this call is put out, the teleclass will have happened, on relationships, parenting in particular, energizing, but also relationships and energizing and the containers. Because there is like, how do we put together a container that allows room to assess whether or not we're safe together? And what are the pieces we put in place including energizing? How do we create a backdrop? Do we need to be in a constant crisis in order to prove that the relationship is good or bad? Some of us are staying in constant crisis because we're trying to prove that we have permission to leave, but I don't even know if that's required. I think you could have an energized set of values in a relationship and still hit a precipice where you decide for yourself or someone else that the relationship's not healthy because those conflicts are unresolvable. Sometimes there are deal breakers. Gabrielli LaChiara: But if I come back and I say like, "Wow, how do I want to live every day of my life? And how do I want to be in charge of me?" The most empowering way to live is through that lens of, I'm going to look for my values. I'm going to see them in other people. I'm going to recognize what's going right. That doesn't make me delusional. I'm not going to pretend there aren't conflicts, but I'm going to step into my conflicts intentionally so that I have the fortitude to handle them and the strength to handle them. What does that look like? Neil Sattin: Yeah. And that's one thing that I love about tying it into your values is that, that it's part of reinforcing. When you say values, what I'm hearing is, this is the way that I operate, these are the things that I've... The principles that I've decided are important to me, that I've chosen for the guiding force in my life. And so those are things that aren't circumstantial as opposed to... We've talked on the show before about appreciations as a great way of creating positive energy in your relationship and yet appreciations can be somewhat circumstantial. I appreciate this thing about you. It's yeah, almost conditional. Gabrielli LaChiara: Right. And this is really coming into unconditional focus on, again, that I could think what's going right. Love itself is this essence that we get to play in, and the actions that we do can be loving and energizing is like all this build up of loving, kind actions that we put in place so that we can feel that essence permeate through us of the love that we're looking for. Most of us choose our partners because there's some value already aligned that we saw somewhere conscious or unconscious. There's something in the way they move or operate or their lifestyle that at least we thought or we hoped or we felt would inspire us and match something fundamentally important to ourselves. So they're in there already. We're already thinking through those lenses. We're looking for people, partners who can nurse that part of ourselves or each other, or bring wholeness to some parts of who we are. Gabrielli LaChiara: So this focus is not so much again about being Pollyanna, "I'm going to say a whole bunch of nice things" or about being positive because I want to manipulate you. And there's always a caution like somebody likes... There's people that like to do that energizing because I'm hoping that it'll stop you from getting mad at me later. That's not what it's about either, it's about being present and it's about really focusing on what's important in the moment. Again, that cataloging, actively fact finding into the moment. And at first people think there's not enough facts, but there's millions of them. We're changing every second. Gabrielli LaChiara: So fact finding into the moment and then imbuing it with something important, with something that feels so important to me, it teaches you about me. So when I say, "Well, when you do those seven things and I felt cared for," I just taught you a formula about what care means to me. If I do that again 20 different times in 20 ways, you now understand what caring means to me. You might be a really caring person, and I might not feel it because you might not understand what caring means to me and how do we define, how do we teach each other about ourselves. Well, that's the over arching feeling in this, which is I get to expose myself to you and show you what's important to me, and I get to see it in you and dig for it and play with it and reveal really myself to you through energizing. But also really show up and see you as a whole person who I can value for just existing and that level of, I value you for existing falls away pretty quickly after the honeymoon, right? Neil Sattin: Right [chuckle] Gabrielli LaChiara: I mean, when we meet with somebody, we're so curious and we do energize a lot. If you think about the beginning of relationships, a lot of times people are a lot more generous with like, "Oh my God, you showed up at my door and knocked and waited for me. And I opened the door and you brought flowers and I feel so loved." Then for some reason three months later, you knock on the door and I don't notice anymore. I'm like, "Why are you knocking? Just come in. You're annoying." So [chuckle] It's like in the beginning we're looking for the evidence that you are one true love and that you are perfect for us and that you're amazing. So we're storing that goodness and we're not again, we're not getting delusional. We're still recognizing, we're actually using it so that we can see clearly, so that we can have space from the problems, so that we can look at them with more objectivity and intentionality and focus on whether or not those issues are, we need tools to resolve those issues or not, right? Neil Sattin: Yeah. There are couple things that are jumping out at me right now. One is, I'm thinking about the distortions that do happen, that sometimes people do get stuck in that initial, I found evidence that you're an amazing person, despite all the buckets of evidence that you're actually truly dangerous for me and they get stuck there. And so they don't leave situations or try to solve problems that really either ought to be solved or you ought to find a way out. Gabrielli LaChiara: Yeah, right. Neil Sattin: Or on the flip side, you could be in a situation that's not so cataclysmic, but you're stuck in that danger and "am I safe"? Both of those end up being distortions that I see as I'm working with clients. So I love that you brought that out, the ways that we are always looking for evidence of some sort or another. There's one important thing that I want to go back to in the fact finding and creating a value and how that works, why that works in a triggered moment. And this is something that I just wanted to share because I found it to be so profoundly helpful, which is you could think like, "Alright, I'm in a triggered moment, and so I'm going to energize my partner. I'm going to do all this fact finding, and I'm going to say, 'And that tells me that you love me, or that tells me that you care about me, or that tells me that you're still here even though we're fighting right now.'" Neil Sattin: It's tempting to think that I'm doing that for the other person versus my experience of it, which is when I'm really triggered by focusing on the facts of the moment and how that connects to my values, that actually helps restore me back to balance. So even though it's sort of directed at the other person or the other person is the subject of everything that I'm saying, the effect is actually, "Oh, I'm presencing myself and bringing myself back online." Gabrielli LaChiara: Right. Right. We have the opportunity to just energize ourselves. I think the only thing about noting a triggered moment is if there's enough trigger that one person needs space. Then that space has to happen before the energizing can come in. So when I'm the partner that when I'm triggered, I want more connection, I might start energizing like crazy, but I could torture the partner who feels trapped. It's like, "Can you just stop talking?" [chuckle] In that case I might do better energizing, walking away and energizing myself, or walking away and energizing my partner like writing it down, writing down the five things I want to say. Fact finding, put it together, resetting my own brain first, and then giving them that download when they're ready. So I love having a reset protocol. I like people being able to say, "Hey," when someone throws at red flag in on the moment we're in on the play that's going on, let's throw the red flag in. That means that, and this is good to set up before you're in a trigger, but that means that we get to take an hour and actually not talk to each other. Then come back and when we come back, the agreement is to energize. That's our way back in, which is to really focus on what's going... A moment that something went right. And I like it being in the moment as close as possible. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah. Gabrielli LaChiara: If you have a dynamic where the trigger is not so intense simultaneously, and I'm triggered, but maybe my partner's not even triggered at all, is the best thing in the world for me to do is energize my partner, 'cause it gets me back on track. Instead of standing there, staying triggered at somebody who maybe they didn't even know they did anything, they just walked by and brushed into my arm at the wrong time, and I took it as them being in my way or something. I then get to reset myself by energizing that person. That's so powerful. It's so powerful. Neil Sattin: Yeah. I was also just struck by the thought of how powerful it is. So if you're someone who tends to lean in in a triggered moment, you're looking for a connection as a way of staying safe, and you're partnered with someone who needs a little space so that they don't feel overwhelmed, what's often challenging about that is it's hard to walk away and give your partner space, because in your world what giving space means is, "I don't care about you." So I see this as a perfect opportunity for the energizing for you. So if I'm the lean inner, and I'm recognizing, "Okay. In this moment, my partner needs some space, So I'm going to energize myself." I'm getting up, I'm walking away from the table, and this shows me how much I actually care about my partner, to counteract the fear that I'm getting up. On the flip side, it would be, "I'm getting up, I'm walking away, and this communicates to my partner how much I'm rejecting them," which is what the experience would be of someone who wants connection in those moments. Is that making sense? Gabrielli LaChiara: Totally, totally makes sense. And the partner who's... The person, we have over-attachment and over-independence, really. We have this attachment, abandonment/attachment, entrapment that happens all over the place. I don't know how we can't be working that out. We literally, as I said before, we're fused through a body. We come in total enmeshment, and then stretch into independence and all the things that happen as we find ourselves as independent from our caregivers early on. We're all parts of these attachment paradigms that we're in. And so as you're talking, I'm thinking about, yeah, that person who wants to over-attach, I need to cling on and partly, I don't want you to abandon me, so I never want to abandon you. So I'm grabbing, on that idea that I can take that feeling of staying connected and put it some place. I'm going to write it down and hold it and treasure it, and love it, and energize by putting it on this piece of paper, or this place that I can bring to you when you're ready. Gabrielli LaChiara: The work it takes for that person who's un-attaching, who doesn't want to un-attach, is that they're also terrified that the other person is never going to come back. So when you have an agreement to come back to energizing, and you have experiences that build, again, like a muscle, like you separate out, you give the person space, and they come back and energize you when they come back from their hour, two hours or a day they need to take off 'cause their brain is just so flooded they can't focus, they come back and they actually come back with connection. It appeases both partners. Both people feel like, "Oh, there's the connection that I was looking for, so I get safer at giving you space... " Neil Sattin: Right. Gabrielli LaChiara: "Knowing that I'm coming back to something I need, and that you're going to meet my need when we come back." So we're meeting our needs for connection. It's all like this interplay of also having a healthy... I think a lot of us don't think we're ever going to fight again. We have a big fight, and we never want it to happen again, [chuckle] so we go into some part of the brain that's like, "Oh, good. I just... I'm going to pretend that's never going to happen." Then when it happens, we're surprised again, and we're totally overwhelmed. [chuckle] So the idea that you could have a structure that's like, "Hey, let's plan on it. Let's build a bank account of investments in our positivity and our values, and energize ourselves like crazy as a backdrop, because some day we're going to have, if not every day, a little bit, we're going to have these triggers kick in, and we get a need to know how to draw from the well to balance that. Let's have a plan for when we're triggered so that we can actually have a protocol set in place, an idea of what's going to happen when, that takes into account two people's needs so that we... It's already scheduled, so if we hit the trigger, I'm not wondering what's going to happen next. I'm like, "Oh, I know what we're going to do. In three hours, we're going to come back and talk to each other." We might agree that we can't deal with the topic, but at least, we can come back to the toolbox." Right? Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting distracted by this weird... Yeah, this energy of something different that's coming up and maybe before I bring that up, I want to just give you an opportunity, 'cause you mentioned the class that you're about to teach. If you're interested in finding out more about Gabrielli and her work, it's funny because we focus on so much of the practical stuff here, and yet, it's so much more than that. In fact, that's where my head and next question is going. But if you're interested in finding out more about Gabrielli's work, you can visit gabrielli.org, and there's a bunch of free stuff there for you. Just a little bit more about what the class is going to be, Gabrielli? Gabrielli LaChiara: Sure. It'll be four teleclasses, each an hour and a half long and the teleclasses themselves would be designed to break down more about energizing, but really to look at kind of the value based relationships. How do we establish them? What does it look like? Where is the essence? What are we feeding? So for me, as a whole, it's layered with both tools, resources, ideas and concepts, and also, within that, there'll be an opportunity for some really powerful healing. So the healing that takes place in being able to look at how we actually dissolve on the emotional, energetic, mental planes these contracts we get into or the hiccups or the triggers that get triggered that may or may not be about our partners. So, how to resolve some of that together? So we'll both do some healing work on that, and I'll really download a bunch of just practical the outline of how we establish healthier relationships from this paradigm. Neil Sattin: Awesome. Awesome. I'm sure it will be a really powerful class, so I encourage you to check that out and the link will be available in the transcript for this episode, which you can get by visiting neilsattin.com/infinity and then the number two, so infinity2 and speaking of Infinity, that is the name of Gabrielli's modality that Chloe and I have been studying with her for a number of years now, Infinity Healing Practice, and that's why we're using infinity for this show. It makes me think about this concept of being... Instead of being a body with an energetic being stuck inside it, of actually being an infinite energetic being with the body. When you're talking about the relationship that we are experiencing with other people and the power of energizing, I'm thinking about how so much of the healing work that happens is about resolving some of the dichotomies between feeling that infinite potential in who we are and then the limitations that our body gives us. Gabrielli LaChiara: Right. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so that just pushed me into this whole 'nother place. And I don't know how much time we have really at this point, you tell me, but that's where... That's what was distracting me 'cause I got really excited to think about, "Oh yeah, there's that inner relationship that challenges so many of us where we feel like, "Wait a minute, what I'm doing right now or what I'm seeing manifests in how I act or in how my body is, in the conditions that I have, the pain or whatever it is," like, "That's not in alignment with my own values about what I want for my life." And, you know, that's... Gabrielli LaChiara: Yeah. I'm going to dive... This is so beautiful. Thank you for saying that and I'm going to just dive into what's coming up for me. Yes, yes, yes. First of all, yes. We are these tiny, really tiny little bodies and the body is just the center of an infinite being and our beings are the essence. Some people call that the spirit. It's like we're all essence. You know that being is, it's not a human. It doesn't get broken by our human experiences. The being is this platform where we can find intuition and knowing and awareness and perception. So we have this powerful being at our fingertips and I'll tell you, I think that what happens is when we fall in love, we ignite that essence. We feel the container of being held. Gabrielli LaChiara: If we think about being just a soul and a being with no body, and we come into a form, we merge into this form, but then we're situated in the essence and the potency of our mothers, whatever that looks like and we're inside of another whole person. So to think there's a couple of cells that's... They're in this huge complex organism that is surrounding, caring for, building, nurturing and growing us. So we're grown into this idea that we're one thing inside of another is what we always know. When we're finally just our own little form, it's like this sense of, "I'm a body, I'm a center of an infinite being that becomes my lifetime's gift of a womb. I get to re-womb myself over and over and over and over again." We can get very body conscious because the body is the place where we feel, it's a simple kind of complex enclosed structure and so many of us derive healing when we remember like, "Oh, I'm a body, but I have this resource to stretch into." Gabrielli LaChiara: I really believe that we fall in love, and some of the distortions that happen that are so beautiful are the fantasies that somehow you're going to be my being. I'm going to get in you, and you're going to provide all those things that are going to make me feel safe. So we step into this paradigm of falling in love, and we feel so much essence in that, and it's this powerful feeling. For some of us, we get lost in that because we get so lost in the being that we don't recognize that the human that we're with as a person doesn't actually match anything that makes us safe in life. [chuckle] It's like, the facts of the two bodies, and we need both things in a relationship. We need two bodies that, when they're together, have similar enough values and structures and habits that we actually can be safe in the human complex, but yet, very simple structure. Then we need two essences or beings that can merge and harmonize and create a pulse of energy and spirit to derive from that feeds beyond that factual form. Right? Neil Sattin: Mm-hmm. Gabrielli LaChiara: Energizing is about really bringing alive the beingness of one another. For me, what that does over time is that you live it, and you get to see more clearly like, "Well, who are we as these little factual human structures? Can we be safe in human form? Can we be beings that can be that aware and that connected to one another?" So that's what you brought in for me is just this whole, "If I don't need to wait... " It's like, "If I don't put on my partner the responsibility of being every parent that I didn't have, or fixing everything that ever happened to me, or somehow being God for me really, saving me in some way, then how do I have a relationship with someone where we can equally hold the potency of each of our essences and also have ourselves?" It's like, "How do I do my own work in that?" So if I am the center of an infinite being, and I can derive all my needs from that being, what is the purpose of relationship? Gabrielli LaChiara: So I think there's a real confusion in our culture about why we're doing love and falling in love in and of itself has a sense that it rescues us from something or saves us. Look at all the movies. It's like you get fixed, as if you become whole because of someone else. That's really unfair. We torture each other with that. So how do two people harmonize into a dynamic where the dichotomy of being human and being powerful beings can allow us to see clearly what safety looks like and what our real needs are, right? Neil Sattin: Right. Right. And can we be developing the inner safety? I love that image of us, our energetic being creating the womb for our body to keep growing and being nurtured. So how do we do that over and over again to create safety for ourselves? And then how do we bring that with integrity to our partnership and our relationship? Gabrielli LaChiara: Right. Right. And what does it look like when you're both seeing the factual body? So this is where I love the blend of what this tool has done for me, and sort of where it meets infinity. Because what I see when we energize is that we fact-find the body. That's the body experience, body consciousness. I'm fact-finding the human. I see you in realtime on earth in a body, and then I imbue it with essence, which is all beingness. I also see your being, and your body is an expression of that being all the time, 100% of the time. So to me, energizing was a platform for so much healthy embodiment and communion between beings and bodies. I see you as a whole body with this being, this essence and energy that, again, never gets broken, so it's always there no matter who your partner is. For those of us who fell in love, and this was me, I fell in love with potential, I went all being and I couldn't see the facts of the body. The person wasn't healthy for me as a physical form on earth, but I loved their essence, right? Neil Sattin: Mm-hmm. Gabrielli LaChiara: And some people love someone's body, but their essence is totally not matching anything, or they're not even, maybe the person doesn't even want that or have that. They're not even attending to it. So we get lost in that paradigm, but what if we could have both? What if we could have both? And what if we become the vehicle for each other? In my partnership of almost 14 years, I feel like that's what we've done. We're like the vehicle for each other to remember who we are in all these levels that we're still energizing all the time and we've lived through a fair share of different kinds of things, things that have happened in our families and traumas. It's like, the bounce back is so strong because that's the human life being lived, but almost like we created a being that is our relationship all by itself. Our beings are harmonized in support of each other. I always, always see the best in him in terms of... I don't think he's trying to hurt me. If I'm getting hurt, something's happening. That doesn't mean I can't ask for change. But I don't believe as a person he's wanting to take me down, right? Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah. So with that, I'm wondering if there's an invocation or a clearing that comes to you as a way to maybe create an offering for everyone listening, whether they're in relationship or single, but that helps them experience what we're talking about? Gabrielli LaChiara: If anybody's listening to this call, they're in relationship. We're never not in relationship, and we always get to do the work of relationship, whether we're sharing our

Please won't you be a Patreon?: http://www.patreon.com/theartistathlete Can circus be a vehicle for personal growth? Carrie Heller has spent 30 years in the social circus world, helping clients and creating resources. Carrie and Dr. Lauren Taglialatela show empirical evidence in a data driven study, that circus is good for not just your body, but your brain as well! Shannon sits down with Carrie in her beautiful space in Atlanta to find out how. Carrie's Certifications: MSW:  Masters Degree in Social Work from Tulane University  LCSW: Licensed Clinical Social Worker RPT: Registered Play Therapist   Website: www.circusartsinstitute.com Page about the research paper: www.circusartsinstitute.com/blog/catpublished   READ THE ARTICLE: International Journal of Play Therapy (published by the American Psychological Association):  http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/pla0000068   Social Media Links: https://www.facebook.com/circusartsinstitute/ https://twitter.com/circusartsatl   Regarding positive reinforcement: “The Difficult Child” by Howard Glasser   Research articles on Crossing the Midline http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.2466/pms.1998.86.1.201   Supplemental information: http://blog.sascentre.com/en/midline http://spectrumpediatrics.com/blog/2013/12/crossingmidline/ This podcast is dedicated to CIRCUS. Aerialist, Shannon McKenna interviews guests from acrobats in Cirque du Soleil to circus therapists and everyone in between. Learn the backstage lives of those who flip, twist, sparkle, and shine under the big top. Shannon McKenna is an internationally recognized circus performer and coach. For the past decade, she has been a freelance artist: giving workshops and classes across 7 countries and worked on both traditional and contemporary circus shows in the US, Portugal, Germany, and Australia including the Shrine Circus and SOAP. She holds a BFA from NYU's Tisch School of the Arts with a concentration on post-modern physical theater (how's that for a mouthful?). She founded The Artist Athlete in 2018 as a means to produce educational materials about circus arts including a line of e-books to help aerial artists train safely and a podcast in which she interviews experts in the industry about their careers. If you're reading this, you're probably listening to it. Thank you! She currently lives in whichever circus community is the warmest. Find her online: www.theartistathlete.com Facebook: The Artist Athlete Instagram: @the_artist_athlete

Join us this month as we give you a glimpse into the transformation of the Nurtured Heart Approach®.   The approach was developed by Howard Glasser to help parents “deal” with challenging, difficult, and frankly frustrating behavior from their child. But it has evolved over 25 plus years ago into the honed approach it is today, consisting of 3 Stands; Absolutely No, Absolutely Yes, and Absolutely Clear. Listen in as our host, Stephanie Rule, and co-host for this podcast, Matt Steinborn, dive into each of the stands and paint a picture of how the approach can bring transformation to your life as a parent, educator, and mental health professional. Music: Sunny - Bensound.com    

00:29 Canada Mourns: Nicole is saddened by the loss of two important Canadians, actor John Dunsworth and Gord Downie of The Tragically Hip.06:40 Were Our Parents Good Parents? We have no complaints. Well, maybe a few tiny ones. Mentioned: Transforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser; The Child with Special Needs by Stanley Greenspan; The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley; psychologist Adele Brodkin.27:39 Friday Speed Round: Morning Routines: The ability to wake up without an alarm clock is not a universal feature of most kids... or parents.37:33 Roundabout Roundup: Catherine's coloring with the Sandbox app; Nicole's reading SciBabe on Facebook; and Terri recommends these gluten-free goodies: GeeFree puffed-pastry snacks, Lebby Chickpea Snacks, Honey Stinger energy chews, and Garlic Expressions salad dressing.45:04 Shameless Self-Promotion: Terri's tweets from the Gluten-Free and Allergy-Friendly Expo; Star Babies; Nicole's book (again!) on Amazon.Thanks as always to Jon Morin for our fun in-and-out music. If you're reading this somewhere without hyperlinks, come to http://parentingroundabout.com for the full recap experience.

Eulanda Thorne Eulanda, a Certified Advanced NH Trainer, is a unique individual who lives her life daily to make a positive impact in the lives of others. She has been a guest speaker for the NH Global Summit and her work with NH has been featured during several trainings and presentations. Eulanda is a graduate of North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University with a degree in Elementary Education. Her motto in life is a quote from Maya Angelou; I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” For this reason, she lives her life showering others with love. Eulanda lives in Wilson, North Carolina where she is a devoted school teacher and single mother of four beautiful children.   Theresa Gaylean Theresa is a Certified Advanced NHA trainer who has witnessed the transformative power of the approach as an educator in a community day classroom serving K-8th grades (5 years) and currently in a second grade classroom. The approach has also gifted her with powerful relationship with her husband of 25 years, and as the mother of three children 17, 14, and 7.

Tanya Fraizer Tanya Fraizer is a dynamic individual with a passion to help others find joy and peace in their personal and professional lives. Tanya is a graduate of Concordia College – Moorhead with a degree in Elementary Education. She has worked extensively with families, with experience in both in-home and agency-based parent education. Tanya is a Nurtured Heart Approach Advanced Trainer and the owner of Heart To Heart Consulting, through which she provides coaching, classes, trainings and speaking engagements on NHA.  Her prowess for leadership with clarity and compassion is a joy for all the NHA Trainers she is so personally dedicated to serve.  Tanya lives in Fargo, ND with her husband and daughter. Mark Pfaff Mark, Certified Advanced NHA trainer. In Public Education 10 years serving Special Education grades Preschool, K - 8, Adult Post-Secondary, Mild/ Moderate/ Severe students. Was a Middle school Assistant Principal and now serving as a county SELPA administrator and Program specialist. Co-parent of three children ages 15, 8, 5 in Chico, CA.  Nick Bartlett Nick Bartlett has been a School Psychologist since 2010. His experience is diverse, having served students from preschool to post-secondary, from all disability areas. He became a Nurtured Heart Approach © advanced trainer in 2016. Nick has trained hundreds of parents and educators in The Nurtured Heart Approach and utilizes the powerful methodology with students he counsels as well as his own children who are 7 and 4 years old. He is a firm believer in the transformative power of the approach and truly enjoys seeing children light up when children begin to become of aware of and own their greatness. 

Josh Kuersten  has over 20 years experience in special education as an aide, teacher and behaviorist.  He says, "I have over 10,000 hours of focused experience specifically in the area of behavior, working with students, professionals, and my greatest teachers, my own children, teaching and maintaining pro-social behavior."  He has been actively engaged in learning, using and training the Nurtured Heart Approach® for more then 5 years.  At present, he works as a behaviorist in over 40 schools, working with all kids pre-K through age 22.  He provides in home consulting on a small scale, working with families to implement NHA strategies in creative ways to achieve an environment that breeds success and celebrates the greatness in each family member.

Over the years, Howard Glasser noticed that applying the principles and practices of the Nurtured Heart Approach to himself, a mode he knew to be most effective at bringing forth a child's greatness, had a surprising and powerful impact. Although he always considered himself a highly positive person, Howard had a realization that under pressure and under the stresses and gravity of life, he was actually self-critical and negative thinking. The Nurtured Heart Approach evolved into a personal practice that shifted him from random forms of negativity to an expansive focus on seeing and growing greatness, both within himself and through all his relationships. He found himself drawn powerfully into self-talk that went beyond any standard version of positivity. He found this to be transformative and life changing. From this, he developed a greatness practice that could be taught to others.

Samantha Pierce Initially trained as a plant scientist Samantha Pierce's experiences as a mother inspired her to focus on autism, parenting, and education. She has worked with young adults with mental health issues and children with behavior challenges. Samantha weaves NHA into her work on autism, education advocacy, and parenting. She provides community training in to help transform the experiences of families and educators. Samantha lives in Syracuse, NY with her husband and five children affectionately known as The Horde. Anca Niculae Anca Niculae is a licensed marriage and family therapist in magnificent Fort Collins, Colorado. Her previous work experience includes working as a Head Start teacher and case worker, as well as a medical liaison in a residential treatment center with children 7-16 years of age.  After receiving her graduate degree, she worked at the local community mental health center, first as a therapist in a behavioral modification program (using dirt bike riding time as a reward!) for children ages 10-18, and then as an addictions counselor for adults with co-occurring chronic mental health and addictions. She has also worked as part of a holistic treatment center, alongside experts in various fields, working together to support individuals and families from a multi disciplinary perspective.  She is currently working in private practice, utilizing The Nurtured Heart Approach, Brainspotting, EMDR and mindfulness techniques in order to continue to provide a compassionate and supportive environment for all of her clients.  Her daily intention is to fully experience and express gratitude.  

Howard Glasser and Stephanie Rule are our hosts for this timely conversation regarding transitioning youth and the homeless and how NHA can be life changing for these individuals. Join us as trainers, Quinn Donnay, Sarah Schutt and Nicole Semmens share their experiences with this segment of population. Quinn, is a Transitional Living Program Manager at New Day Youth & Family Services,  a non-profit agency that aids young people ages 17-22 that are experiencing homelessness, have a lack of supports, and minimal protective factors in Albuquerque, NM. Quinn utilizes NHA in her supervision with staff as well as with the young people in care. Quinn pairs NHA with young people experiencing homelessness to relentlessly build inner wealth so that they are able to recognize their greatness and strengths to move forward onto a rich path of independence.    Sarah, is first and foremost an involved and dedicated mother to 2 sensitive, caring, and vibrant children.  she currently works as the Homeless Management Information System Administrator for the Housing and Homeless Coalition of Central New York, which acts as HUD Continuum of Care for Oswego, Cayuga, and Onondaga Counties.  She was a Case Management Supervisor of Runaway and Homeless Youth Case Management Services, which served youth 16-24 who were homeless or housing vulnerable in Onondaga County.    Nicole,  has been an NHA Advanced Trainer since 2011.  She is a mother of two incredibly joyous children and a former program director of 12 years working with transition-age homeless youth.  She is currently working as the Event Assistant for Children's Success Foundation in addition to working as an NHA Coach/Trainer passionately spreading the Nurtured Heart Approach to parents, teachers, and mental health professionals.

Howard Glasser, Creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach and Stephanie Rule, Certified Advanced Trainer share our time together this month with Heather Meyer and Toni Rose, Certified Advanced Trainers in this live podcast.  Toni Rose,BS, is a Certified Nurtured Heart Approach Advanced Trainer as well as a Wraparound Facilitator at Southwestern Behavioral Healthcare.  She has provided over 85 NHA trainings to parents, caregivers, volunteers and clinicians from all over the state of Indiana. She has 17 years of experience collaborating with Department of Child Services, Juvenile Justice, CASA and Head Start. She has also worked directly with mental health agencies, psychiatric hospitals and educators. Her passion is supporting children and families to build successful relationships not only in their homes but in their communities as well. Heather Meyer, owner of Dynamic Wisdom, LLC,  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Nurtured Heart Approach Trainer specializing in counseling and consulting services for individuals, families, and organizations in Indianapolis, Indiana. Heather has held a steadfast commitment to sparking a desire for change and blazing a trail of transformation for individuals experiencing significant behavioral and life challenges since 1993. Heather presents at conferences, company-wide workshops and to general audiences speaking on the topics of the Nurtured Heart Approach®, Functional Behavioral Assessments, and Positive Behavioral Support Plans. Heather's most recent work is creating individualized transformational practices with her clients born out her experimentation with using the NHA® to positively transform her experience with chronic health and pain challenges.

Our hosts, Howard Glasser, creator of the Nurtured Heart Aproach and Stephanie Rule, School Counselor and Mom welcome guests Shirley Faleer and Lyla Tyler to this month's podcast. Shirley is in a solo private practice, Heartbound Counseling.  She lives with her husband, Rob and Gracie, her Yorkie-Poo, who assists her in her counseling practice in Mt. Pleasant Michigan.  Shirley has been working as a counselor and play therapist for 20 years.  A NHA Certified Advanced Trainer since 2013, she has been growing in and using the NHA as a part of her self-care and personal transformation, in her counseling practice and in her family as a parent of two and as a grandparent with her four brilliantly intense grandchildren.  She has completed extensive training in Sandtray-Worldplay with Gisela DeDomenico, PhD and is a level 2 practitioner of the Body-Brain Approach to Sandtray Play Therapy presented and created by NHA Certified Trainer, Rita Grayson, LCSW, RPT-S.  Integrating these experiential tools with the Nurtured Heart Approach has been powerful and effective with clients of all ages. Lyla is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Registered Play Therapy Supervisor and also an Advanced Trainer for the Nurtured Heart Approach®. Lyla specializes in treating children, teens and families at her midtown Sacramento, California private practice.  She was a Program Manager for two large Residential Treatment centers in Sacramento and also facilitated groups for Sutter Medical Foundation through the Children's Bereavement Art Group.  She is also trained in Experiential Play Therapy, Art Therapy, EMDR, Theraplay®, and the Trauma Resiliency Model®. For the past 30 years Lyla has provided training throughout California and Internationally

We are excited to have Jamie Gregory and Sarah How as hosts.   Our guests, Tanya Fraizer and Matt Steinborn will round out this important conversation for our July 15, 2016 podcast.  No More Bullies! will be our topic for July.   Full bios can be found at http://childrenssuccessfoundation.com/nha-podcast  We know this will be a conversation you won't want to miss and the beginning of more to come at work, school and in your homes.  For additional details regarding podcasts now and in the future, register for a monthly update here.   All podcasts are recorded and archived for on-demand listening.  Please feel free to browse the archives below.  

Join our hosts, Howard Glasser, Creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach and Stephanie Rule, NHA Advanced Trainer and Mom in this engaging podcast with dads, Shane Mosley and Neils Wright!  We promise you won't be disappointed as this amazing group shares stories of life with an NHA Dad in their homes and out and about.  NHA infueses in every aspect of their lives and with their children. We are excited to have Stephanie Rule join us as Howard's co-host this month.  Stephanie is a former school counselor with a master's degree in counseling. She has chosen to be a stay-at-home mom of her two children.  She is an Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach and raises her own children using NHA.    She teaches NHA classes in her community and is also the Director of the STAR program for the Children's Success Foundation. Stephanie lives in Northern California with her husband and children Shane Mosley, lives in Phoenix with his wife and six children.   He is a Certified Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach and has dedicated himself to sharing its incredibly simple and life changing tools whenever possible. Neils Wright is an  Education Specialist. NHA Advanced Trainer, first CTI January 2012.  I am in my seventh year as a teacher of students with Emotional and Behavioral Disturbance.  I am a father and I get to "dad" in happier, healthier and richer way because of NHA. Full bio's of our guests and hosts are available here.   

In This Episode: Tammi Van Hollander is a Registered Play Therapist that teaches us about the Nurtured Heart Approach ®. The founder of the Nurtured Heart Approach ® is Howard Glasser.   At www.childrenssuccessfoundation.com a free online eCourse is available to help children with challenging behaviors. Our guest Tammi Van Hollander, was feeling “stuck”, she wanted another tool to be consistent and effective for parents and teachers. Building on the children’s inner wealth, looking at their greatness and helping them to flourish is key. “Children do not awaken by fear of punishment, they awaken to their greatness.” is Tammi’s favorite quote from Howard Glasser. Putting energy into the positivity is so much more effective to help children with problematic behaviors. This approach has 3 Stands: Stand 1 - “Absolutely NO  I wll not energize negativity” focuses on the benefits of staying calm, collective and “resetting” if necessary. Stand 2 -  “Absolutely Yes, I will relentlessly create and energize positivity and success in my child. Stand 3 - “Absolutely Clear, if you cross the line, there are very clear consequences that go with that (the adult stays calm and loving) It’s important not to ignore negative behavior; if negative behavior is ignored things may get worse and worse. This approach highlights the benefits for recognizing the child and honoring them for showing self-control by recognizing what they didn’t do such as hit their sibling, leave the room, etc... Clarity and predictability is so important for the child, as in the analogy of the video game that Tammi talks about in this episode. This approach supports a healthy child parent relationship as well as help regulate their emotions. Using the passion and gifts that comes with intensity  that children sometimes exhibit can make a huge difference when helping children with challenging behaviors. The Nurtured Heart Approach ® is used in schools and homes all over.

Join our hosts and guests for this timely podcast.  Our guests are Dan Peterson and Neils Wright Dan Peterson, is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Advanced Trainer for the Nurtured Heart Approach.  He is the founder of Compass 4 Life, a private counseling and coaching practice dedicated to helping families and schools with challenging children.  Over the past 20 years, Dan has worked in a variety of educational settings including therapeutic, alternative and residential schools.  He has held many positions over the years.  These positions have helped Dan learn the importance each adult plays in the life of a student and what they need to help students succeed.  Currently Dan consults with area schools looking to meet the social emotional needs of their student population.  He also leads trainings and provides on-site coaching for teachers to help with their integrating of the approach. He coaches parents who have challenging children on how to integrate the approach in their home. He credits his training in the Nurtured Heart Approach as the defining moment to starting his own business dedicated to “help all children flourish” Neils Wright, Education Specialist. NHA Advanced Trainer, first CTI January 2012.  He is in his seventh year as a teacher of students with Emotional and Behavioral Disturbance.  He is a father and gets to "dad" in happier, healthier and richer way because of NHA.

Join our hosts, Howard Glasser, Creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach and Catherine Stafford, author and NHA trainer and Therapist share our podcast time with Bryan Forney.  Bryan Forney, MSMFT, MSW, LISW-S, serves as the Executive Director of Focus on Youth, Inc. in Cincinnati, Ohio, a faith-based foster care, adoption, and behavioral health care agency for children and families.  Bryan has been with Focus on Youth since 2001, having served previously  in other organizations as a community-based therapist, Clinical Director, Residential Treatment Counselor, and several years as a youth minister for his church.  He is an Advanced Trainer of the Nurtured Heart Approach®, teaching this approach to foster parents, staff, and the community since 2007.  He and his wife, Keri, have 2 children, ages 12 and 9. 

Our hosts,Howard, Catherine have invited Tammy, and Laurie to discuss the journey of healing hearts using the Nurtured Heart Approach®.  Laurie's personal story is one that you won't want to miss as she and Tammy (her therapist) share more about how a "heart" devastated by abuse and hurt can be "healed" and Inner Wealth™ can emerge and thrive again.  Tammy Jacobs is a Licensed clinical social worker, currently working in private practice. Tammy has over 20 years experience working with challenging children/families in crisis centers, group home, residential treatment, as well as, outpatient and community mental health. Tammy has been an advance trainer in the nurtured heart approach since 2007 and enjoys teaching this to children/teens, adults/parents, group home staff and educators. Although Tammy has extensive training in a variety of interventions/strategies geared towards helping children and families, the nurtured heart approach has proven to be the most effective and therefore is the foundation of her work. Not only does Tammy utilize the approach in her private practice she uses it on a daily basis in raising her two daughters, ages 11 and 13, and in her marriage of 17 years. Laurie Lee graduated from Arizona State University in 1999 with a degree in Sociology. She has worked for a major corporation for over 16 years and raised two daughters ages 18 and 19 as a single parent. Introduced to the Nurtured Heart Approach in December 2011, her life was revolutionized as she discovered how to live from her heart. Overcoming the odds of being a child of abuse, she now owns that she has created a life she considers successful and she shares regularly with others how finding your greatness can change life in all areas.  

This month's podcast features guest school principals, Rosemary Hardie and Barbara Gaskin-Houghton.  Each brings their story of implmentation of the Nurtured Heart Approach® to their schools from the top down.  Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford will be our hosts leading this discussion. Rosemary a Certified Advanced NHA trainer has served students in the field of education for 20 years as a teacher, principal and directo of special services.  She has been using NHA for the past four years throughout both the regular education and special educational systems in Wahpeton ND. Barbara, also a Certified Advanced NHA trainer is principal at Metteer Elemntary School in Red Bluff CA.  NHA was implemented 3 years ago with 9 staff members now being certified and additional staff familiarized the approach through onsite courses.  Barbara has been an administrator for 15+ years and in education for 20+ years.  For full bios on both of our guests, please click here to visit our podcast page. 

Join our hosts for this month as they explore the notions of using the Nurtured Heart Approach  in Greatness Activities with children, tweens and teens with Tammy Jacobs,  a Licensed clinical social worker, currently working in private practice. Tammy has over 20 years experience working with challenging children/families in crisis centers, group home, residential treatment, as well as, outpatient and community mental health. Tammy has been an advance trainer in the nurtured heart approach since 2007 and enjoys teaching this to children/teens, adults/parents, group home staff and educators. Although Tammy has extensive training in a variety of interventions/strategies geared towards helping children and families, the nurtured heart approach has proven to be the most effective and therefore is the foundation of her work. Not only does Tammy utilize the approach in her private practice she uses it on a daily basis in raising her two daughters, ages 11 and 13, and in her marriage of 17 years. Please feel free to listen to any of our previous NHA podcasts to gain additional insight to what the approach can bring to your family, classroom or workplace.

Our hosts, Howard Glasser, Creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach® and Author, and Catherine Stafford, LCSW and Author visit with Pat Bethke in this month's NHA podcast.  We're so excited to share her story with you.  Pat Bethke has degrees in Child Development and Family Life, and a Master of Arts in Education with research focused on social and emotional learning. She was an early childhood educator for 14 years during which time she was introduced to, and became certified in, the NHA®. Pat is the Founder of Interconnections, LLC which provides services of support and training in the Nurtured Heart Approach, and is located in the Greater Minneapolis-St. Paul Area. She's the mother of 4 adult children, grandmother of 1, and lives in Lakeville, MN with her husband Tim who is also trained in the Approach. Listen in!  You won't want to miss it. 

Our guests are: Karen Clayton, is a licensed Professional, Therapeutic Foster Care Provider, currently providing foster care for adolescents enrolled in a substance abuse rehabilitation and recovery program. Karen holds a Master's in Education with an emphasis on youth who are emotionally and behaviorally 'at risk' for failure. During her time as an educational program corrdinator, Karen created "I Am Part of The Solution," an anti-bullying program founded on the Nurtured Heart Approach.  She is a Certified Nurtured Heart Approach Advanced Trainer and Enthusiast! Karen offers classes and coaching for parents, teachers and other professionals. Kim Combes, M.Ed., has been in the human service arena since 1980 in various positions such as being employed as a Social Worker for the Iowa Dept. of Human Services and as a family therapist for two private agencies (among others).  Kim is currently self-employed as a private practice counselor and national presenter.  He and his wife, Diane, reside in Iowa.  Since 1994 Kim has also provided foster care for 40+ teenage boys and adopted five children now ranging in age from 16-23.  Too, he has articles published in several foster/adoptive care magazines and books. Nate Bultman lives with his family in Rockford, MI and is married to his wife Dawn for 9 years. They have 10 wonderful children in their blended family ages of 3-16.  They have been blessed and challenged as adoptive parents of intense and highly energetic children who are adjusting to a new family.  Nate is a Licensed Professional Counselor, (LPC) a Marriage and Family Therapist (LLMFT) and  teaches an intensive 6 week course on the Nurtured Heart Approach ® as a certified trainer to caregivers in West Michigan. More to share soon about this podcast, so stay tuned! 

Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford will be joined by guest, Peggy Archuleta, RN, Education Specialist, for our May 15th podcast. Peggy Archuleta began her nursing career in 1992 and worked extensively with cancer patients in the hospital setting before going into nursing management in 2005.  In 2008,  Peggy transitioned into the role of Clinical Education Specialist.  In September 2014 she fulfilled her long-time dream of becoming a full-time diabetes educator and teaching patients health promoting behaviors.  Peggy was introduced to the Nurtured Heart Approach several years ago and shortly thereafter sought certification.  Following certification in the NHA, Peggy then began to seek ways to bring NHA to the hospital system she works for.  

Join Howard Glasser, Creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach and Catherine Stafford this month sharing the airwaves on BlogTalkRadio  channel with Jamie Gregory. Jamie is a Certified NHA Advanced Trainer.  He is the owner of User Friendly Therapy specializing difficult/challenging children and families. He offers brief solution oriented therapy.  He is a consultant for Head Start, an Adjunct Professor at West Virginia University's Masters Program at the School of Social Work.  His hobbies include bird watching, performing the guitar and vocals.  He is a practitioner of Yoga and Heart Rhythm Meditation.  He and his wife live in the passive solar house he designed and built 28 years ago.  He is a proud grandpa as well. 

Our guest for March will be Dorothy Derapelian.  We are so excited to add her to our line-up of guests for 2015. Dorothy has been in private practice since 1986. She obtained my Bachelor of Science from The University of Texas at Austin in 1976 and her Master of Education from the University of New Hampshire in 1986. She specializes in play therapy and has worked with many children in the foster care system. While working with these children, it became apparent that their emotional needs are extremely important to help them move forward with their greatness. To do so, she began creating Core Attachment Therapy© in the early 2000's and became an advanced trainer for NHA® in 2007. She also conduct home studies for Child and Family Services for families interested in domestic and international adoptions. But most importantly, Dorothy is an adoptive mother. Adopting a lovely girl from Russia at the age of 6. She is currently 25 years old and is an example of walking in greatness. We hope you'll join us for another inspiring program. 

Join our co-hosts, Catherine Stafford and Josh Kuersten in conversation with Melissa Lowenstein. Melissa is an author and editor who has collaborated on seven books with Howard Glasser. She is also a Nurtured Heart Advanced Trainer; a facilitator and grant writer for the AHA! (Attitude. Harmony. Achievement.) program for teens, which brings social-emotional learning to 3500 youth each year in southern California; a parent and stepparent;  and has been, over the years, a yoga teacher, contemporary dancer and choreographer, visual artist, theater director and actor, and enthusiastic participant in personal growth groups and workshops. She lives in Santa Barbara, California with her partner, William Swan, her two school-aged children, and Will's teen son. She loves to read, write in her journal, watch great films, and spend time outdoors near bodies of water and very large trees. This podcast is suitable for all audiences as many of the thoughts and stories shared will offer transitional ideas for our listeners to breathe in. 

We are so excited to share the beginnings of the Nurtured Heart Approach with our very special guests:  NHA creator, Howard Glasser and co-author of Transforming the Difficult Child, the Nurtured Heart Approach, Jennifer Easley.  Our host for this show will be Josh Kuersten. This podcast was pre-recorded Howard Glasser creator of The Nurtured Heart Approach®  is dedicated to awakening the greatness in all children and in particular the world's intense and challenging children. He is the author of eight books including, Transforming the Difficult Child, currently the top-selling book on ADHD; Notching Up the Nurtured Heart Approach: The New Inner Wealth Initiative, a leading book on school interventions; and All Children Flourishing, on using the Approach with all children, difficult or not. F He is currently working on his latest release entitled Igniting Greatness. Jennifer Easley,  is an elementary school military counselor. Most children I work with are well aware they are at risk of loosing a parent to war or the parent they once knew returns home, forever changed from military trauma. This loss of innocence at such a tender age merits special support and recognition for those small, child warriors! I am deeply gratified to be a part of the child's and families' home support team!  Jennifer co-authored the book that details the Approach with Howard, Transforming the Difficult Child, The Nurtured Heart Approach; and was a huge support and contributor to the book, Transforming the Difficult Child, Stories of Transformaion.  

Meet the man who is behind a movement towards logical way of rearing our children. In a recent article in Esquire Magazine "The Drugging of the American Boy" where they note the shocking statistics on ADHD medication in the US, Howard's Nurtured Heart Approach is highlighted as a holistic light shining in the darkness of the pharmacutical jungle. Just like Howard's work, this show will warm your heart! Learn more at: www.childrenssuccessfoundation.com

Join our hosts, Catherine Stafford and guest host, Josh Kuersten for our December podcast. We are all aware that bullying is a hot topic across the nation.  We encourage you to listen in to this very timely and important conversation. Our guests for this pre-recorded podcast are: Karen Clayton, is a certified Nurtured Heart Approach® Advanced Trainer and Enthusiast! She believes that regardless of the environment,there is always an opportunity to share and be the Nurtured Heart Approach. During her time as a program coordinator, Karen created, “I Am Part of The Solution,” an anti-bullying program founded on the Nurtured Heart Approach. Since June of 2014, Karen has provided therapeutic foster care services in her home and has witnessed the same life serving outcomes that result whenever NHA is applied with love. Karen holds a Master's in Education with an emphasis on youth who are emotionally and behaviorally ‘at-risk' for failure. Karen offers classes and coaching for parents, teachers and professionals. Tanya Fraizer, is a dynamic presenter with a passion to help others find joy and peace in their personal and professional lives. She has a BA in Elementary Education and has also worked extensively with families, with experience in both in-home and agency-based parent education. Tanya is a Nurtured Heart Approach® Advanced Trainer, under the instruction of its creator Howard Glasser, and is the ownder of Heart To Heart consulting, through which she provides coaching and presentation on NHA locally, nationally and internationally. She is also the Director of Trainer Network for the Children's Success Foundation. Following her passion on the topic of ceasing bully in Orlando FL.  

Join Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford as they have a conversation with Julie Gelo and Sarah How. Julie is the legal mother to 16 children ranging in age from 8 to 47.  She and her husband, Lynn, live in Washington state with the youngets six children.  They were licensed foster parents for 22 years. Eleven of the children have been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or related conditions. She is a certified Advanced Trainer of the Nurtured Heart Approach, Executive Director of the Washington State Affiliate to the National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and co-founder of the FASt Friend FASD Community Support Network. She is also a Continuing Education Coordinator with the alliance for Child Welfare Excellence. She also works closedly with Special Olympics in her area.  She presents workshops and trainings throughout the US, Canada and Europe. Sarah How is a practicing Certified School Psychologist and Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach. She is currently serving as president of the North Dakota Association of School Pyschologists. Her passion and experiences have led to being invited to train businesses and educators. She can be found coaching families, individuals to be more intentional in relationships every day. She has a Tedx talk and is the author of two children's books that inspire greatness. She is the mother of four children, two of whom had previously been in therapeutic foster care. She knows first hand what it means to be the approach, "like your life depends on it." 

Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford will be joined by guests, Gail Anderson and Laura Bailey for this episode of the Nurtured Heart Approach podcast. Gail has a Masters in Religion and Counseling; PhD in Educational Psychology and is an Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach.  She has worked for 20 years as a school psychologist and recently began an early retirement.  She is currently teaching and training schools, homes and church settings, helping parents, children and teachers to find freedomw and worthiness through NHA!  She is also certiried as a Non-Violent Crisis Intervention trainer and a Pyramid trainer.  She has been married for 37 years.  Gail has 2 grown sons, one a family practice physician and the other an assistant district attorney.  One is is married and has three children, ages 5, 4, and 2.  She and her husband are thrilled to be grandparents Laura is an LMFT and Advanced Trainer of the Nurtured Heart Approach and focuses her work on Children in foster care.  Finding many simple ways to improve the quality of traumatized children's lives, givimg them hope, she was inspired to write the book, Courageous Love: Instructions for Creating Healing Circles for Children of Trauma, especially for grandparents raising grandchildren.                  

Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford welcome Veronica Coates and Dorene O'Brien to this broadcast.  Veronica is an Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach who works in the educational system.  She coordinates a school based mental health program in Norther California for at-risk and emotionally intensive students.  NHA is the foundation of the program and 100% of her staff are atrained. She is also a credentialed school psychologist and counselr who has always had a passion for students with emotional and behavioral challenges. Her biggest triump and honor is raising her son, Hold, with her partner Jesse. Dorene O'Brien,   an Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach is a certificated SpEd teacher at a K-5th grade elementary school specifially designated for children with SpEd certifications that have intense and challenging behavioral issues causing them to be (as yet) unable to attend their neighborhood school. She uses NHA with amazing results.  She is the mother of two intense children, both having Autism, Garrett & Rown, ages 12 and 9 who have been raised on NHA and that is why they are such incredibly successful students in their neighborhood schools.  . 

Join Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford with guests, Nancy Kling, Dema Stout and Micki O'Brien as they share how NHA can make a difference in the lives of families and individuals who are impacted by Autism.  Nancy Kling, MA, is a certified Advanced Trainer of the Nurtured Heart Approach and has been teaching the approach to teachers and parents for the past 10 years.  She has worked with children with challenging behaviors for over 20 years.  She is the author and illustrators of The Cup Kid: Parenting a Child with Meltdowns and I'm a Cup Kid: The Workbook.   She also has a busy presentation schdule providig consultations, workshops and parenting classes. She also presents at conferences on Autsim and behavioral issues. Dema Stout, MA, PCC, CPCC, established her private coaching and consuting practice in 2004 to provide individuals (and their families) with neuro-developmental disabilities such as AD/HD and Autism Spectrum Disorders the best possible support to achieve the quality of life they want and deserve. Dema is a professional certified Coach and a Certified Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach.  The Approach is the foundation of everything she does. Micki O'Brien, MA is a Seattle based Autism, Special Needs and Education Consultant.  She is also a Certified Trainer of the Nurtured Heart Approach. Her work in special education has focused on students on the Autism Spectrum and she has beocme passionately involved and has co-founded AutismPalooza, focused on creating fun spaces that are inclusive of all people and to raise the awareness of the unique perspective and insights of people on the spectrum.  Micki has incorporated NHA into her work with parents, schools and other orangization wanting to better understand, support and be inclusive of people on the spectrum. 

Join us on July 18th at 11am as Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford join our guests, Bud Weiss, LCSW and Nurtured Heart  Approach Certified Advanced Trainer.  He has over 50 years of experience with chidren and families.  He was a PBIS facilitator with NY Public schools. He is married, has two adult children and lives in New York with his wife of 38 years. Celeste Elsey, MA in Special Education, works as an Education Specialist in Roseville CA.  She is also a Nurtured Heart Approach Certified Advanced Trainer.  Celese coordinates the Greatness Kids, a program utilizing the Approach with academic peer mentors.  She infuses NHA in everything she does.  Celeste and her huband, Joe, are parents of 3 adult sons and recently welcomed their first grandson. Tammy Holton Arnol is a school counselr and a Nurtured Heart Approach Certified Advanced Trainer.  She teaches NHA parent and educator classes. She provided a guidepost of a ninth grade transition program co-implemented as a high-school counselor. We look forward to having you join us as we showcase the Nurtured Heart Approach in our everyday world

Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford will be sharing the airwaves with Mamak Charepoo, a Nurtured Heart Approach(R) Advanced Trainer, co-founder of Enegergized Perspectives, a company that trains teachers, administrators, and therapists in the Nurtured Heart Approach.  Mamak has roots in music as a freelance pianist and teacher for 20 years.  She combines NHA and Dalcroze Eurhytimcs to create dramatic and joyful advancement in her students.  The most important lessons she learned from her Baha'i parents were to have an open heart, open home and open mind.  Joining them will also be Roben Hand, M.ED.  She is also a Nurtured Heart Approach Advanced Trainer and is the CEO of Energized Perspectives (founded in 2012),.  She specializes in empowering women in business with the money mindset and relationship skills to thrive financially as flourishing leaders and to see the best in themselves.

Our hosts, Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford welcome Karen Clayton, a Learning Supports Coordinator at the middle school level in Tucson AZ creating and implementing programs focused on stutdent success.  Karen holds a Master's in Education with an emphasis on youth who are emotionally and behaviorally "at risk"  for failure.  Karen is a Nurtured Heart Approach Advanced Trainer.  She offers classes and coaching for parents, teachers and professionals.  Stephanie Rule is a former school counselor with a masters degree in counseling, who chose to be a stay-at-home mom of her two children.  She is an Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach to parents, educators and mental health professionals for five (5) years.  Her intention for teaching/sharing the approach with others is to help epople develop the healthiest relationships possible with their children or the children they work with.  *Any stories shared in this broadcast are amalgums of experiences based on the use of the Nurtured Heart Approach by our hosts and our guests and are not based on any particular person - child or adult.*  

Join our hosts, Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford as they welcome our guests for April - Rhett Etherton and Howard Moody. Rhett is currently a program coordinator for Playworks, a non-profit bringing, safe inclusive and fun play to children. Previous to this he taught ESL students in the 3rd - 8th grades for 6 years.  He has been a certified Advanced Trainer of the Nurtured Heart Approach since 2007. Mr Etherton holds a BA in Multilinguql/Multi-Cultural Elementary Education from ASU. After seeing how the NHA tools have transformed his students' lives as well as his own, Rhett is excited to bring these tools to parents and educators across the country. Howard Moody, has been facilitating playshops for over 25 years and he specializes in designing team building, stress reduction, and wellness presentations. Howard has been a faculty member at the Omega Institute for Holistic studies for many years and he is also the co-founder of The Adventure Game Theatre, an extraordinary interactive learning process (featured on PBS and NPR). Play in its  many forms is Howard's passion and his mission is to share the value and gifts that play has to offer to everyone.  Howard is a Certified Nurtured Heart Approach trainer.  He is presently working on a book with Howard Glasser about how within play, the principles of the Nurtured Heart Approach can be enhanced and embodied.   *Any stories shared are amalgums of experiences based on the use of the Nurtured Heart Approach by our hosts and our guests and are not based on any particular person - child or adult.*

Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford welcome Advanced Trainers, Jamie Gregory and Wendy Pidkaminy to the NHA podcast this month.  The topic is re-awakening Inner Wealth in Adults.  Jamie, MSW LICSW is *User Friendly Therapy* in Charles Town, WV.  He has been a Nurtured Heart Advanced Trainer since 2006. He works with children and families as well as couples. In addition he is an adjunct professor for the West Virginia School of Social Work Graduate program.   He performs professionally as a musician and has a passion for bird watching, gardening and his family. He lives in a passive solar house that he and his wife Nancy built in the Blue Ridge Mountains  Shenandoah River Valley area. There they raised their big hearted children, Jay 33 and Seth 26. Wendy,is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified School Social Worker, Adjunct Professor at Syracuse University, Nurtured Heart Advanced Trainer, Christian Counselor and the Author of two books: Parenting Challenging Children with Power, Love and Sound Mind  and Jimmy and Julia's Rainforest Adventure.   Wendy travels the country sharing her strengths based perspective on healing and helping people who desire to overcome life*s challenge.  Wendy owns and operates Nurturing Life Concepts, LLC, a counseling, consultation and coachingorganization dedicated to leading people of all ages, throughout the world, to realize their life's passion, purpose and vision

Howard Glasser and Catherine Stafford welcome our guests February 21, 2014. Alletta Bayer and Sherry Blair, co-authors of The Power to Change and The 7 Steps to Ignite Flourishing Leaders, In Teams and Organizations..  We invite you to listen in as they share ideas, tips and the Greatness that grows when The Nurtured Heart Approach is infused in businesses, agencies and more.  Join us for this unique perspective and use of the Nurtured Heart Approach.  Detailed bios available at www.childrenssuccessfoundation.com/nha-podcast.  

Celeste Elsey, supervising teacher of the Greatness Kids at Cooley Middle school and an Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach and BJ Byrd, supervising teacher for the Greatness Kids Club at Rancho Romero Elementary school and an Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach. Join our hosts, Howard Glasser, creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach and founder of the Children's Success Foundation and Catherine Stafford, LCSW and certified Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach sharing ideas about building Inner Wealth, reducing bullying and teaching the Nurtured Heart Approach to club members who then use the tools they gain by being greatness mentors at school, at home and in their community.