Podcasts about strange situation

Abby and Patrick are joined by writer and artist Lily Scherlis for a provocative reflection on the ideological subtexts, historical contexts, and real-world value of some of our moment's most bandied-about concepts and terms. Beginning with her 2023 essay for Parapraxis, “Boundary Issues: How Boundaries became the Rule for Mental Health – and Everything Else,” the interview spotlights Scherlis's nuanced yet relentless interrogation of how the vocabularies of research psychology have proliferated across popular culture and have become ubiquitous in the workplace, in bestsellers, on social media, and in our most intimate interactions. What exactly are “boundaries,” when did having (or not having) them become such an issue, and how does their invocation function? Touching on themes and topics across Scherlis's body of work, from CBT and DBT to the legacy of Dale Carnegie and beyond, the conversation builds to a consideration of the case of attachment theory. Unpacking the history, key concepts, and findings of this interdisciplinary field of study, Abby, Patrick, and Lily explore how its terms and categories have become so central to a cottage industry of online quizzes and therapeutic interventions. How do ideas of self-improvement and self-help relate to economic shifts in modes of production, material realities of employment precarity, and our felt sense of being together – and being alienated? What work do these terms do in the abstract, and what work are we as subjects expected to do in learning and using them? And how can we square our skepticism vis-à-vis such models and vocabularies with the traction they can give us when it comes to understanding ourselves, tolerating distress, navigating a difficult world, potentially changing our circumstances, and connecting with one another?Selected texts cited:Lily Scherlis, “Boundary Issues: How Boundaries became the Rule for Mental Health – and Everything Else”Lily Scherlis, “Skill Issues: Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Its Discontents”Lily Scherlis, “Going Soft: Future Proofing the American Worker”Danielle Carr, “Don't Be So Attached to Attachment Theory”Robert Karen, Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Ability to LoveHeidi Keller. The Myth of Attachment Theory A Critical Understanding for Multicultural SocietiesRuth O'Shaughnessy, Rudi Dallos, Katherine Berry, and Karen Bateson. Attachment Theory: The BasicsA podcast about psychoanalysis, politics, pop culture, and the ways we suffer now. New episodes on Saturdays. Follow us on social media:  Linktree: https://linktr.ee/OrdinaryUnhappiness Twitter: @UnhappinessPod Instagram: @OrdinaryUnhappiness Patreon: patreon.com/OrdinaryUnhappiness Theme song: Formal Chicken - Gnossienne No. 1 Provided by Fruits Music

Pro Football Talk's Mike Florio joins Joe to discuss all the major moves in NFL free agency, where Rodgers will land, and Belichick's weird situation at UNC.

Let us hear from you!Have you ever wondered about kids whose behaviors don't neatly fit into traditional attachment theory categories? Those are the "unclassifiable" children first observed by Mary Ainsworth during her "Strange Situation" tests. This video looks at how these unclassifiable reactions led researcher Mary Main to identify a new attachment style known as "disorganized attachment."For more resources and in-depth courses visit www.coparentacademy.com.Have questions or comments? We'd love to hear from you! Send them to ron@coparentacademy.com.

Let us hear from you!Watch this episode on YouTube:  https://youtu.be/YwBdKE9cSOUDo you ever worry about whether your child feels secure with you—or with your coparent? You're not alone. While there isn't a simple questionnaire to measure a child's sense of security, attachment theory provides valuable insights into how children form relationships with their caregivers.In this episode, we discuss the Strange Situation—a groundbreaking assessment developed by Mary Ainsworth to evaluate a child's attachment style. We break down what different attachment styles reveal about the parent-child relationship and their long-term effects on emotional well-being.Key Takeaways:

Are you tired of repeating the same relationship patterns? Whether it's constant worry about abandonment or a tendency to keep people at arm's length, these behaviors - known as attachment styles - aren't set in stone. In part one of this two-part series, therapist Tony Overbay examines the science of attachment theory, tracing its development from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's pioneering "Strange Situation" experiment to current research demonstrating how people can actually change their relationship patterns. Through clinical examples and accessible explanations, Tony breaks down how early experiences with caregivers create blueprints that influence adult relationships - and more importantly, why these patterns can evolve. Tony explains how understanding attachment style connects to emotional maturity and self-awareness. Listeners will learn about different attachment patterns, how they manifest in daily life, and why these early-developed patterns aren't a reflection of personal failure - they emerged before conscious choice was possible. This episode provides the foundation for a deeper exploration of attachment style change and relationship transformation. For anyone dealing with trust issues, abandonment fears, or struggles with emotional intimacy, the discussion offers concrete insights into becoming more secure in relationships. Part 2 will delve into specific strategies for building secure attachments and showing up differently in relationships. As Tony often says, "You're not broken, you're human" - and humans have a remarkable capacity for growth. 00:00 Welcome Back and New Beginnings 00:28 Understanding Narcissism and Emotional Maturity 02:05 Personal Struggles and Emotional Growth 04:40 Podcast Updates and Future Plans 06:59 Introduction to Attachment Theory 10:06 The Strange Situation Experiment 12:28 Attachment Styles and Their Impact 17:25 Early Childhood and Relationship Templates 21:04 Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood 22:07 The Painful Dance of Intimacy 23:52 The Role of Fathers in Attachment 24:37 Presence and Radiance: A Father's Influence 26:18 Emotional Safety and Consistency 29:31 Navigating Emotions and Independence 39:53 Challenges of Absent Fathers 44:12 Healing Attachment Wounds 44:33 Conclusion and Next Steps Find more from Tony Overbay: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/ Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998 Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Rachel Teichman, LMSW, explains the psychological experiment known as the Strange Situation, which examines attachment in infants, while Victor Varnado, KSN, adds his take on how this study has influenced parenting. Part one of this discussion focuses on the experimental setup and the groundbreaking findings by psychologist Mary Ainsworth. Tune in for a deep dive into developmental psychology.Produced and hosted by Victor Varnado & Rachel TeichmanFull Wikipedia article here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_situationSubscribe to our new newsletter, WikiWeekly at https://newsletter.wikilisten.com/ for a fun fact every week to feel smart and impress your friends, and MORE! https://www.patreon.com/wikilistenpodcastFind us on social media!https://www.facebook.com/WikiListenInstagram @WikiListenTwitter @Wiki_ListenGet bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Victor Varnado, KSN, continues the exploration of the Strange Situation, examining how the results have been applied to understanding adult relationships. Rachel Teichman, LMSW, shares insights into how attachment styles identified in the experiment affect behavior later in life. Part two wraps up this compelling discussion on human connection and psychology.Produced and hosted by Victor Varnado & Rachel TeichmanFull Wikipedia article here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_situationSubscribe to our new newsletter, WikiWeekly at https://newsletter.wikilisten.com/ for a fun fact every week to feel smart and impress your friends, and MORE! https://www.patreon.com/wikilistenpodcastFind us on social media!https://www.facebook.com/WikiListenInstagram @WikiListenTwitter @Wiki_ListenGet bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Derrick Rose is leaving the Grizzlies under strange circumstances, the Miami Heat picked up a player, and the Celtics talk title defense on today's show with Trevor Lane and Keith Smith.... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join me as I explore the transformative power of building deep, meaningful connections in our lives, especially poignant in an age where superficial online interactions are often mistaken for genuine relationships. I reflect on Erik Newton's heartfelt Twitter story about the profound love he shared with his late wife, revealing the timeless truth that at life's end, it's the depth of our relationships that truly matters. This touching narrative serves as a profound reminder of the importance of fostering and nurturing our most significant relationships, and how they shape the legacy of love we leave behind. I also discuss the insights of early psychologists and the groundbreaking work of British psychiatrist John Bowlby, who pioneered the concept of attachment theory. The historical journey from the 18th century to Bowlby's 20th-century research, including the Strange Situation experiment and Harry Harlow's primate studies, illuminates the critical need for emotional connections in our development. This conversation underscores the essential nature of these bonds for our psychological well-being, urging us to prioritize and deepen our connections with those who are important to us. Join my weekly newsletter. Learn more about my books and courses. Join The Essentialism Academy. Follow me on LinkedIn, Instagram, X, Facebook, and YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody - Travis here - today I am excited to dive into a foundational concept in psychology that's pivotal for personal growth and relationships - Attachment Theory! While we don't have a guest on today's episode, I will guide you through this enriching topic.In this episode, we're going to explore some fundamental areas:1. **Origins and Founders of Attachment Theory**: We delve into the mid-20th century work of British psychologist John Bowlby, often regarded as the father of attachment theory. Bowlby focused on the bond between the child and caregiver and how these early relationships impact emotional and psychological development throughout one's life. Plus, we'll discuss how Mary Ainsworth expanded on Bowlby's work with her famous Strange Situation experiment, which classified different attachment styles.2. **Types of Attachment Styles**: Understanding the four primary attachment styles - Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) - and how each style manifests in relationships and personal behavior. We'll also touch on how these styles influence conflict resolution and mental well-being.3. **Impact on Relationships and Mental Health**: How your attachment style affects your interactions, conflict management, and overall mental health. Securely attached individuals tend to have better stress management and healthier conflict resolution, while those with insecure attachment styles may struggle more in relationships and mental health scenarios.Challenge Question: Reflecting on your personal relationships, can you identify any patterns that point to a specific attachment style you may have? How do these patterns influence your interactions and conflict resolutions with loved ones?So grab a notebook, because you're going to want to take notes as we navigate this complex yet crucial aspect of personal development. And remember, understanding your attachment style can be the first step towards healing, growth, and more fulfilling relationships.SUPPORT THE SHOW:CLICK HERE!JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!CLICK HERE: MAILING LISTWATCH ON YOUTUBE:WATCH HEREConnect and Support Travis:YouTube: Travis GoodmanInstagram: @integratedmanprojectCheck out the Website: TBD

Kail and Elijah break down the debut episode of Lifetime's new docuseries, "Prison Brides." New episodes of "Prison Brides" air on Lifetime on Wednesdays at 9:30pm ET / 8:30pm Central. https://www.mylifetime.com/shows/prison-brides

Amye is joined by Steph to recap Prison Brides S1:EP1 A Strange SituationWelcome to Lifetime's version of 90 Day Fiance/Prison reality show. In this episode we meet three women who are leaving their home countries to pursue love in the United States. Svea meets with Joseph (hottie alert), Erin leaves behind her entire family for Michael who screams at her on a phone before she finally gets to hug him after his release, and Emma is doing all of this because “Mama didn't raise a quitter.” What could go wrong?For bonus content including Sister Wives and 90 Day, join us on Little Miss Recap Extra. Join on Apple Subscriptions or here:https://www.patreon.com/littlemissrecaphttps://littlemissrecap.supercast.com/THE SHOW:Get in touch with us:Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/littlemissrecapFacebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/littlemissrecapInstagram: @littlemissrecap Voicemail: www.littlemissrecap.comEmail: Info@littlemissrecap.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ray Fittipaldo from The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette comes on The Fan Hotline to talk about some of the weird, circus-like things that have happened around the team these last few days.

Join me as I explore the transformative power of building deep, meaningful connections in our lives, especially poignant in an age where superficial online interactions are often mistaken for genuine relationships. I reflect on Eric Newton's heartfelt Twitter story about the profound love he shared with his late wife, revealing the timeless truth that at life's end, it's the depth of our relationships that truly matters. This touching narrative serves as a profound reminder of the importance of fostering and nurturing our most significant relationships, and how they shape the legacy of love we leave behind. I also discuss the insights of early psychologists and the groundbreaking work of British psychiatrist John Bowlby, who pioneered the concept of attachment theory. The historical journey from the 18th century to Bowlby's 20th-century research, including the Strange Situation experiment and Harry Harlow's primate studies, illuminates the critical need for emotional connections in our development. This conversation underscores the essential nature of these bonds for our psychological well-being, urging us to prioritize and deepen our connections with those who are important to us. Join my weekly newsletter. Learn more about my books and courses. Join The Essentialism Academy. Follow me on LinkedIn, Instagram, X, Facebook, and YouTube.

The world of relationships and attachment styles from a neurodivergent perspective is complex and sometimes misunderstood as characteristics of neurotypes and attachment styles overlap and shape social interactions and dynamics. In this episode, Patrick Casale and Dr. Megan Anna Neff, two AuDHD mental health professionals, talk about partnerships, attachment theory, and relationships across various neurotypes. Top 3 reasons to listen to the entire episode: Understand the unique challenges neurodivergent individuals face in feeling connected and present in social situations, and how their experiences with attachment styles can differ significantly from societal norms. Identify how the impact of sensory and neurodivergent perspectives on attachment styles can shape relationships in profound and often misunderstood ways. Hear the personal stories and experiences of Patrick and Dr. Neff in relationships before diagnosis and after, including the fantasy of relationships and whether behavior is based on attachment styles or neurotypes. By exploring the complexities of the neurodivergent experience and attachment styles, it can become clearer how you communicate and what you need to enjoy more balanced and healthy relationships where your and your partner's needs can “mostly” be met. Additional Resources Neurodivergent Insights Interpersonal Workbook: Neurodivergent Insights Workbook: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/neurodivergentstore/p/interpersonal-workbook Can Autistic Children Be Securely Attached? By Debra Brause Psy.D. (Psychology Today) The Attachment Project: Great articles and resources on attachment theory   Transcript PATRICK CASALE: Okay, so welcome back to another episode of Divergent Conversations Podcast. Megan and I haven't recorded in a couple of weeks, because I've been traveling. We are back, I am sick, Megan has brain fog, story of our lives. MEGAN NEFF: This will be an interesting episode. PATRICK CASALE: This will be an interesting episode. So, we were bouncing around the ideas of talking about attachment theory, and neurodivergence, and potentially, even dipping our toe into the water of just discussing partnerships within our own neurotypes and our own relationships. So, where do you want to start? MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, those are big topics. I think attachment theory would provide the structure to then talk about partnerships. So, attachment theory? PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. So, Megan may or may not give the bird's eye view on attachment theory. And we don't want to go too far into the clinical realm of that. But we do like to set the stage. So, if you have something you want to share or kind of- MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. PATRICK CASALE: …put a foundation? MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, before recording, I was saying like, I like doing that bird's eye view, but also brain fog. It would be easier if I had a transcript. And I think some of the theory will naturally interweave as we talk. But bird's eye view goes back to the 60s, John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. And initially, it comes from kind of parent-child interactions, and that they noticed distinct patterns of how infants responded when… it's called the Strange Situation, is kind of the big study that's often cited and how infants responded, well, typically, mom, again, talking about 1960s. So, there's a lot of gender and it was typically mom and baby who went into the study, into a room, and then mom would leave, and come back. And they were gauging, like, how does the infant respond? For securely attached infants, mom was like a kind of safe haven, a secure base is what they call it. And so because mom was there, the child felt more free to go and play with the toys and to explore… there's another, the researcher, there's another person in the room. With more anxiously attached children, they protested when mom left, and then had a really hard time letting mom up or not letting mom, being soothed by mom. Again, typically mom, care provider, primary attachment figure, we'll say that, when primary attachment figure came back would have difficulty being soothed by them. With a securely attached kid, they'd still protest, but they could be soothed by the caretaker when they come back. And then with avoidant, kind of, didn't protest as much when caretaker left and it wasn't as easily self-soothe. But then what they noticed is like heart rate still went up. So, stress markers still went up. Okay, that's my brain fog version of this strange situation. Where the research got, I think, even more interesting is when they started realizing that attachment style continues, and started looking at adult attachment style. And then that shows up in romantic partnerships. And I think that's probably where we'll talk more about today. But it gets pretty interesting when we start looking at attachment theory and neurodivergence. Like, some of the questions that come to my mind is, you know, does this theory and framework fit for us? Is one of the questions I have. The research shows ADHD and autistic people tend to be more insecurely attached than neurotypical people, which makes sense to me. But again, I wanted it to be like, well, how much is that capturing our true attachment style? And how much is that capturing other traits that might make us look avoidant? Or look insecure really? Or anxiously attached? How was my brain fog version of attachment theory? PATRICK CASALE: I think you did a wonderful job. So, you know, as Megan kind of said, attachment theory is interwoven throughout not just childhood development, but throughout adolescent and young adult development too, certainly plays a role in both platonic and romantic relationships, and how you kind of show up, and how you feel safe, secure, connected to the people around you. And I think there's some, like, stuff that's really interwoven here when we're talking about neurodivergence, neurodevelopment, and we're talking about like, feeling safe, feeling secure, feeling like you're attached or connected to, or safe with someone. And this goes far beyond just, like, that emotional feeling of safeness, right? Like, there's also just the ability to be mentally safe and to be neurologically safe, too. So, this is a complicated conversation. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, for sure, for sure. So, one of the interesting things about attachment theory is the idea the first year your attachment to your primary caregiver becomes kind of like a blueprint, that that becomes your template. And you tend to continue to attach that way. And it can vary, of course, and people can… it's called earned security, when you earn a secure attachment. But this is where I think cross-neurotype gets really interesting. Like, if you've got a primary caregiver and an infant who are cross-neurotype, typically, you're not going to know that in the first year. And what might be attunement to one neurotype, right? So, like, eye contact, holding, touch, right? Well, might be attunement for say a neurotypical infant, might be dysregulated and intrusive for an autistic infant. So, I think that's pretty interesting when we start thinking about early development and cross-neurotype and attunement, because that attunement is what's so important for that secure attachment to take root. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, and that attunement can so easily be missed, or misidentified, or misclassified, especially, when we're talking about infancy and, you know, any sort of development where the child is not able to actually communicate their needs or have their needs met. And then it can also play a role for that caregiver, too, if it's really challenging to cap that connection with the child as well. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. And the caregiver, like, might be really confused, because things they've learned is like, this is supposed to be soothing for my child, but it's not. And then depending on that caregiver's role, like that can activate their own attachment stuff. Yeah, it gets, I think, really complex, and yeah. PATRICK CASALE: What's been the- MEGAN NEFF: So, what, oh, go ahead. PATRICK CASALE: Go ahead. MEGAN NEFF: I was like, "Okay, this is a lot of theory." I was going to ask, I was going to take it to our experience, because I know we've both talked about, like, "Yeah, we're avoidant." PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. Oh, for sure. I mean, when I started learning about attachment theory, I was like, I think there was a part of me that was probably like, "I resonate with anxious attachment." And there's some anxiety of like, that push/pull kind of mentality of like, I come closer you back away, or vice versa. But then I realized more and more like, by doing my own work avoidant style made a lot more sense. And, you know, to all the folks who are, you know, well versed in attachment theory, a lot of folks that are labeled as avoidant attached get a bad rap. You know, because we feel like, this person is self-soothing all the time, this person wants to do things on their own, they cut people off very quickly, they disconnect very quickly, they look for the littlest thing in relationship to kind of move away. It's really hard for me to create this, like, connection. It feels one-sided. And I think that is a challenging label sometimes for people to kind of be classified under when you start talking about all of this different characteristics of attachment. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah, I would say both forms of insecure, both avoidant and anxious get pretty bad raps of like, anxious on the other side is like, oh, you're so needy, blah, blah, blah. Avoidant, like you don't care, you're cold. And I've heard it said that behind every avoidant attachment person is a very anxiously attached person, which I was like, I think that's an interesting idea to play with. But also, yeah, I mean, these things ebb and flow more than any attachment grid will show, right? Like, based on context, and relationship, and life. Yeah, so the thing I'm curious about, Patrick, for me is before I knew I was autistic, when I learned about attachment, I was like, "Okay, yeah, avoidant, totally ticks the boxes." Now, I'm wondering, like, "Okay, how much of that has to do… Like, how much of that is true attachment stuff, like, from my early childhood and these things, and how much of that is autistic traits?" Like, I don't like touch. Touch is really hard for me. I like to be alone. I get overwhelmed by people's emotions, positive or negative, so I retreat. A lot of that is due to my autistic neurology more so than… it feels like more so than my attachment. So, that's where I'm like, huh, it's hard to tease out what is my autistic needs and self-soothing versus what is like true attachment style. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, that's a great point. Like, how do we differentiate what is neurology? What's attachment system related? What is interwoven and connected? I think about this exercise I did, I was doing this like intensive three days somatic-based attachment training several years ago, DARE training. I think it's dynamic attachment re-patterning experience. And one of the… what's the word I'm looking for? One of the workshops or the protocols that we were doing was like, all right, come into a room, walk towards the person sitting on the couch until you can tell that they no longer want you to walk any closer to them based on like, eye contact, based on body language, based on posture. And that's like your window of attachment or tolerance. And I felt like mine was, like, so massive, because I was like, "I don't want to make any eye contact. You know, like, I don't want to have any of this connection in terms of you walking directly at me to, like, approach me in this way." So, that's something that stands out to me in terms of like, chicken before the egg situation. Like, how to literally figure out which is which? Or which is both. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, because like, yeah, same for me. People approaching me feels very intrusive. And yeah, I think probably both, because having those needs, and I would say, like, sensory needs, because a lot of being around people is a sensory experience, probably then shapes our attachment style. So, yeah, I don't think it's an either-or. PATRICK CASALE: What about you for your experiences? You said you felt like, okay, you're on more of the avoidance style. But if we were to take that step back and say behind every avoidant is an anxiously secure, or anxiously attached, do you have any examples of that for yourself? MEGAN NEFF: Totally. Oh, yeah, I want to talk about this too. Like, so there's this study. I don't think it was peer-reviewed, but it was really interesting. And it's been a while since I looked at it, but looked at like infatuation kind of predating during dating, and maybe attachment or just connection between autistic and non-autistic people, and it showed autistic people tend to have higher infatuation, like, before dating, and then it decreases kind of more rapidly than neurotypical. So, I was like, "Oh, that relates." In college. I had three month's relationships, but I always… so there's this idea of like, a person can become a special interest, right? And I've definitely had that experience. And I would say when a person becomes a special interest, that more anxious attachment stuff does show up. But it's complicated, because part of my attachment is to the fantasy of that person. And I would now say, okay, this is going to sound weird, the fantasy, oh, gosh, this is one of the things I'm like saying and I'm like, "I'm not sure what to say." The fantasy of being non-autistic. Oh my gosh, I'm actually getting emotional, because in the fantasy when people become special interests, I can be close to them and it's not intrusive. And I can feel connected in the way that like I long for. And that's really hard for me, because being in relationship and being close to people feels so intrusive. But in my fantasy, especially, when people become special interests I get to experience a non-intrusive intimacy. PATRICK CASALE: Thank you for sharing that, and just being willing to share that, and be really vulnerable about it. Yeah, I can sense that emotion, I can feel that, and I can really take that in. That makes a lot of sense when you put it that way too, because it allows you to feel deeply connected. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: So, I would like to just name that and put that out there. MEGAN NEFF: I mean, I don't like emotion. I talk about that pretty regularly. I also think the most… what's the phrase? Like, the most personal is the most global, I think. Perhaps even now based on conversations that there will be people that relate to that. For me, like I have talked about this in writing, this is the hardest part about being autistic is, the way I put it in writing a couple years ago is like, my soul longs for connection and my body longs for isolation. And that to me is the hardest part about being autistic. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I can deeply relate with that. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, does my emotion bring up anything for you? PATRICK CASALE: I'm feeling like protectiveness of you. And, you know, you hate physical touch, I hate physical touch, but it makes me want to, like, hug you, embrace you. But I think you just said that perfectly, too. Like, the soul longs for connection and the body yearns for isolation. I think that is pretty spot on. And you know, I say so often, like, the autistic existence is a torturous one. And I think that always my world that I seem to default to. And I think that's why is just that intense push/pull of "Damn, I want to feel like connected a part of, attuned to. And damn, I need to get away as fast as possible, because I am so uncomfortable physically." MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Uncomfortable, dissociated, foggy. Like, I used to say that all the time, like, I just want to be in my experience. And what I didn't realize I was saying is like, I'm dissociated and I'm not in this moment. And particularly, in like social, like, the things that you're supposed to feel connected in, right? The big ceremonies, and rituals, and holiday gatherings, these are times where I'm, like, supposed to feel connected and around people. And these would be times that I'd feel the most disconnected. PATRICK CASALE: Which, you know, in regards to what we're talking about, it has further impact in terms of like, your attachment system, too, when these big societal norms/like cultural norms for certain pockets of people, and you're supposed to be connected, and feel joyous, and celebrate, and close to, and present, and all you can feel is dissociated, or foggy, or numb, or just not present in any form. It makes you feel even further other than those situations where it's like, "See, I truly, really don't belong here." MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, and then the like, "What's wrong with me?" Narrative comes on of like, "What's wrong with me? Like, these people are in this experience. Why can't I just be in it?" PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. It's a weird timing that we're talking about this considering, like, we're going into like, some major holidays in the United States. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. I think holidays is a hard season for a lot of us. I mean, for a lot of humans, but I think, especially, autistic people. Yeah, you know I talk about clashing needs a lot, like in clashing values. Like, talk about clashing values. Like, I want my kids to have memories with extended family over the holidays. I don't want to travel. I don't want to be in a room with more than seven people. Like, yeah, it's a hard time of year for a lot of folks. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, it's a hard time in so many different ways. And then bring in the neurodivergent component. And there's almost, like, anticipatory grief. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: Like, we're recording, what's the day? November 14th. I have no idea when this will air, probably after Thanksgiving here in the States, but it'll probably air before Christmas. And there is anticipatory grief, for me, at least. I'm sure for you in some ways, too. You've mentioned about your kiddos and your husband. But like, my wife wants to be around her family. She wants to go be close, and connected, and all the things, and there's, like, this anticipatory grief for me where it's like, I can't show up the way she would want me to in a lot of ways. And I also I'm like, conserving energy for a month straight to be able to participate for six hours of my life, which will then therefore drain me for a week of it. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, gosh, I have so many visceral memories. We don't travel as much. But like, when we did travel to see Luke's family or even sometimes, like, extended time with my family, like, I would feel like I became someone else. Like, I'd become a very irritable version of me and again, I couldn't be present, I couldn't get into the experience. And I always do this preparation thing of like, okay, like you're going to be yourself this time. Like, I didn't have other any other words, and just like I don't become myself. And I didn't understand what was happening. I just knew that anytime, especially, if we traveled, like, I became a version of myself I really didn't, like, I'm not normally a very irritable person, but I certainly am when I have lost my routines, and I'm traveling, and I'm, like, all the things. So, I hear you on, it's like the grief of, I know I'm not going to be able to show up the way I want to for my wife's family. Like, I feel that. And like, for you, as I remember, for me, I'd be like, "Okay, I just need to flip a switch, I can do it." Like, is there that kind of like belief you should be able to just flip a switch and show up the way you want? PATRICK CASALE: Oh, totally. I mean, and I think that can even be enforced sometimes like, or reinforced through messaging that you receive. And I know like, before, maybe my wife and I really knew each other or like what I needed, my system needed, and that it wasn't just being selfish, or like, I didn't want to participate, where it would almost be like a pep talk of like, "You can show up for one day of your life. Like, you can do that." And sometimes I will even have to say it out loud to myself, like, give myself like this, you know, man in the mirror speech where I look at myself, and I'm like, "Yeah, you can do this, you can like, handle six hours, you can manage this. So, you can make it through whatever the event is." Not specifically just talking about her family, because that's not the truth of it, truly any gathering. And then, so often, just, you know, continuously having to rely on just either one alcohol or two complete silence and isolation. And I would become also like, irritable, short one to two-word answers. When people are talking to me, people would label that as like antisocial, dismissive, rude, whatever labels we want to throw on to that presentation. And it just further makes you feel disconnected, because I think, for me, and I don't know about for you, I then go into, like, this internal dialogue of like, trying to force myself out of that reaction where it's like, "Stop reacting like this. This is not how you want to come across. Like, all you have to do is like, just respond for two sentences." And maybe that will break down this, like, internal barrier, but then you just default back to the same, and it feels harder and harder and harder to then like, really show up in a way that you want to. I don't know if I'm making sense. MEGAN NEFF: It makes so much sense and I relate to that so much that like, okay, don't do it this way, do it this… and like that becomes part of the stress, right? Of like, again, this idea I should be able to do something different here. PATRICK CASALE: Yes. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. That is where, like, discovering autism has been really helpful, because I was genuinely just so confused. And of course, reverted to, like, I'm a bad person, or now it's like, "Okay, I understand that I have an inner part of my nervous system that is shut down. And like, that's what's happening to me right now." And it doesn't mean that I, like, feel awesome about the situation or the engagement, but I understand it, which is helpful. PATRICK CASALE: I agree, 100%. The understanding may not always be helpful in some ways, but it is helpful in other ways, where it's like, at least you're no longer doing this, like existential search for what the hell is happening here? And you just default to like, okay, this is happening. Doesn't make it any more awesome. Like, the experience is still painful, but at least I understand why it's painful. I think that helps a little bit. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. Oh, for sure. I mean, I think, you know, I feel like I talk about this a lot here. I'm such a fan of, like, self-attunement through self-narration, of like if I can narrate what's happening, that is a form of like, radical self-attunement. So, I think that opens up the opportunity for self-compassion in those moments of like, okay, this is a hard moment, versus like, I know, for me, what it was before is, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I just get in it?" And I was like, "Okay, this is a hard moment, this is what's happening." It's a very different self-experience in those moments. PATRICK CASALE: So true, so true. We diverge mightily. MEGAN NEFF: I mean, it's all like- PATRICK CASALE: It's all connected. MEGAN NEFF: …clustered around attachment and intimacy. And yeah, it's interesting. I'm not a dualist in the sense of like, I don't like to separate kind of mind, body, you know, that kind of Descartes dualism that took hold and shaped much of western history. But when it comes to this conversation, I actually find the dualistic lens a little bit helpful in a sense of like, there is this really very real split I experience of like, what I long for, and then what my body can handle. And I do think that, of course, it's going to shape attachment, then, an attachment style. PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely. I also think, you know, just on that, in this perspective too, it's like, for those of you listening and wondering, okay, am I just now forever labeled avoidant attached, insecure, anxious attached? You can actually be in different attachment styles with different people in different relationships. And those can evolve based on learning, healing, growth, introspection, understanding. So, this is not a like, black and white, and all be all situation, either. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And that's where, like, an ebb flow, kind of hold on attachment theory, I think is really helpful of yeah, like, there's an attachment quiz out there where to, like, map you out on quadrants, like, both your parents, friends, and then romantic partners, kind of how you lean in those different relationships, which I think that's interesting. But yeah, the idea that like we can heal secure attachment and I think it's going to look different for autistic people. Like, actually I feel really securely attached to my spouse, my children, I would even say my parents. It doesn't look the same way. I need a ton of space. If you were looking at me, you might not say I'm securely attached, you'd say avoidant, but I do think I am securely attached in those relationships. PATRICK CASALE: I actually think that's the perfect, like, depiction of what we're trying to talk about right now, is that from the outsider's perspective, right? If you're just taking into consideration attachment theory, which there's a lot of things that are missed and mismarked opportunities there as well, in attachment theory, but if we're talking about like, for just specifically, looking at it from attachment theory perspective, and you're saying, oh, well, Megan's disconnected, Megan's on their own, isolated, whatever, must not be secure attachment. But what I'm hearing from a neurotype perspective, and a neurology perspective is, is very secure if the people on the other side are also understanding like, mom needs a break, mom needs to read, mom needs to self-soothe, mom loves us, and is in a different room. Like, that takes into account the sensory needs, which I think is where we're trying to create that much more complex picture. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely. And that's where like, I would love to see attachment theory kind of adaptive for neurodivergent folks of like, what are kind of the markers? Because I think, like most things, you have to go more into the subjective experience and rely less on those behavioral markers. PATRICK CASALE: Right. And I think that's so important to make a notation of too, is to create some evolutionary language and vantage points on terms of how we view attachment theory for neurodivergent folks, because if our neurotypes are different, if we're talking cross-neurotype relationships, if we're talking about, you know, a neurotypical parent, and a neurodivergent kiddo, or vice versa, or partnership, there's going to be all of these new almost like things, and what's the word I'm looking for? There's going to have to be new ways to really, I don't want to use the word adapt, that's not the right word, to become more comfortable within relationship, understanding that not every single relationship is going to look like this, you know, textbook definition of what one needs to look like. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And I think for both partners and parents who aren't also, specifically, autistic understanding, because like, I'm sure you see this a lot, right? In cross-neurotype partnerships where, you know, one person's need for space, like that can activate a whole story for the other partner of like, this person's pulling away from me and… oh, I lost the thought. There was a thought but it flew away. PATRICK CASALE: It's probably because I took so long in that convoluted way of saying what I was saying. MEGAN NEFF: I don't think it's… Oh, my brain [INDISCERNIBLE 00:30:01]. PATRICK CASALE: You're right, though. I mean, and I think, like, if we're talking about, okay, this person needs space, this is what their sensory system needs is space, but the attachment system doesn't need space. Like, in their embodied experience this is actually like the safest place for them is to have that space, because that means they feel very connected to you to be able to take that space, but then you have someone who might be on the anxious insecure side where it's like whoa, this person is pulling away, they don't love me anymore, they don't care about me, let me come closer. And then odds are you back even further away and it creates that anxious avoidant man. PATRICK CASALE: Yes, what is it called? Brain fog is so interesting, like things I used to be able to pull into mind dance something pattern, it comes from EFT, the pursuit distance or dynamic is a kind of a classic, because here's the interesting thing, when you are insecurely attached, you're actually more likely to partner with someone who's also insecurely attached but from the other side of the road. So, like if you're avoidant, you might partner with an anxiously attached vice versa, which then of course, there's going to be like, some messy dynamics that show up so that distance or pursuer is what's talked about of like, there's the pursuit, because for… We haven't talked a whole lot about kind of anxious attachment but for anxious attachment, when there's an attachment, kind of insecurity, they need closure. Like, they need to work it through with the person. The avoidant person needs space to regulate, to be able to come back to our conversation. But that can create that pursuer's coming closer because that's what their attachment needs to down-regulate. The avoidant person's distancing, because that's what they need space to down-regulate. And then the pursuer distance or dynamic because it, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: And around, around we go. MEGAN NEFF: And around, around we go, yeah. Yeah, so I'm married to someone who's securely attached, but like, introverted and does really well with alone time. And I realized the reason all my other relationships didn't work before I met Luke was they weren't as independent. And so at some point, my relationships always made a turn where they started feeling really intrusive and really not good. And so that's been interesting. Typically, too, like, avoidant people don't get together romantically. And again, I wouldn't say Luke and I are truly avoidant, but we're very independent. And like, it's not a classic pairing you see a lot. But I realized, like, I absolutely needed someone like that. Like, I wouldn't work with someone who also had like high need for independence and wore separations okay, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I think that's a good point. And it's good to know what you both need and then to be able to find it is, I wouldn't say it's a rarity, because it's certainly not. But it does take a lot of like, introspection, and discussion, and communication about needs too. And then each partner being confident in their ability to offer that and offer themselves what they need. I think that's equally as important. Like, knowing what you each, you've mentioned this before, when we're talking about partnerships, but like, just the fact that partnerships, you should not always be solely rely on your partner for joy, happiness, contentment, relational like connection. Like, you've got to get that elsewhere too. And I think you have to have the confidence in both of yourselves and each other to be able to have that space to also have your own interests, to also have your own friendships, also have your own like downtime where every single second doesn't have to be interwoven. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: What are you thinking about that? MEGAN NEFF: I was just thinking about how helpful it would be like, you know, when people are making life partnerships, like to know about things like attachment style and neurotype and like, how these things overlay, and like, just think about how helpful all these lenses are, and how, like, rarely, I think the younger generation they're getting there, but how rarely we enter into these partnerships with these lenses that I think can really unlock so much understanding and alleviate a lot of pain. PATRICK CASALE: For sure, for sure. I don't even think I knew the word attachment until I was like 26, 27. You know, I really didn't know much about my own neurodivergence at that time, if any at all, and then, you know, through partnerships like doing a lot of trying to figure out like what's working? What's not working? Why are certain relationships typically ending? What am I missing upfront or vice versa? And I think for, like, my marriage, you know, we're going on 10 years of being married at this point in time, a lot of it at first was doing that dance of like, that anxious avoidant like situation. And I would say my wife is way less avoidant or anxious, probably more secure than a lot of folks. But ultimately, when I would push away, because I needed to push away and I didn't know why I needed space, or I didn't know why I needed to isolate or disconnect, she wouldn't go anywhere. And I think that created that feeling of safety of like, now I can start verbalizing like, this is what I need, this is why I need it. It had nothing to do with you. I just didn't realize like I need a lot of time to be alone, and to be autonomous, and to be independent. MEGAN NEFF: I love that. I love she didn't go anywhere. And that's a secure base, right? Like- PATRICK CASALE: Exactly. MEGAN NEFF: She stayed secure. She was there. And she wasn't punishing like when you came back. It wasn't, "And you need to be punished before we can reunite." PATRICK CASALE: Exactly. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. I don't know if this relates, I'm curious. So, yeah, dating, I did it a bit. And yeah, again, I'd hit a part like where it started feeling intrusive and I'd get, oh, this sounds really bad. I'm going to have a vulnerability hangover after this episode, Patrick. Now, again, I understand it, but when it started feeling intrusive, I would get grossed out but my partner's and once it turned it was really hard to unturn it. I now realize I think it was kind of a sensory, like, you know, I have misophonia. So, like, I joke with my spouse of like, I just won't be in the same room when he's eating cereal. Like, because I will forever be like, grossed out by him and it'll linger for a while. But it would do this thing where it would turn in my relationships and I want to be able to recover. And I think it was kind of a sensory grossed-out meats intrusion. And I couldn't then like recover from that feeling of intrusion. So, I definitely had a point of like, am I ever going to find a long-term partner? Is marriage ever going to work for me? Or am I always going to have this experience of it turning? And then, right, all or nothing. Like, once it's ruined, it's ruined. Was dating hard for you? PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. So, I'm actually glad you named that, too. So, I had similar experiences where like, if I was dating, I was really… I wouldn't use the word infatuated, but I was definitely much more excited about the relationship and the person at first. And then- MEGAN NEFF: Same. High, high infatuation or like [CROSSTALK 00:37:56]- PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, so I was like, and you probably then come across like more charismatic, you come across like more interesting, you come across- MEGAN NEFF: Well, special interest energy, right? Like special interest energy plus new, like romance energy. Like, oh, my gosh, it is a powerful combo. PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely, absolutely. So, this is, again, another example of where we could say attachment, or neurotype, or neurology, right? Or the combination of the two. So, a lot of people who are attachment-oriented therapist would say, like, "The avoidant style, that's very typical." Where, like, you would get really infatuated, you'd be really excited. And then you'd start to pull away, you'd start to find little things about your partner that make you no longer feel connected to them so that you could have your autonomy, and your freedom, and your independence, and you could no longer be connected. But if we're framing it from the neurodiversion perspective that you are mentioning, like the sensory component, and the intrusiveness, and the feelings of like, "Oh, my body no longer feels safe and it no longer feels like excited, it no longer feels secure in this." That's exactly what I think is missing from a lot of this literature, too. MEGAN NEFF: And that's where, to return to what I was saying earlier, which I can now revisit without so much emotion. Like, I think a lot of us spend a bit of time in fantasy. And I think, like, that's where fantasy of an ideal relationship or an ideal person, especially, in that early infatuation period becomes so seductive because in fantasy we aren't sensory creatures, in fantasy we don't have, like, that turn when there's a sensory unpleasant experience. And I think that can make relationships hard, right? Like, we are infatuated, many of us might be fantasizing. Okay, I'll speak from my experience. I get super special interest energy, so curious about the person. I think the person would, typically, like my curiosity and my interest feel, I don't have the word… But then I would do a lot of fantasizing, and idealizing, and building it up. No relationship can live up to that, no reality can live up to that. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. And then when it doesn't and you're no longer in that special interest energy, and maybe your sensory system is being more activated, because of some sort of partnership or relationship, and then all of a sudden the pendulum swings almost the complete opposite way. And I wonder, even like, we're talking a lot about this from an autistic perspective, which I feel like we tend to frame most of this podcast from, but I wonder about the ADHD type 2 where stimulation and you know, really [CROSSTALK 00:41:05]- MEGAN NEFF: Oh, my gosh, yeah, absolutely. PATRICK CASALE: Right? And like, yeah. MEGAN NEFF: No, that's a huge like, okay, I'm going to do a little detour. I was talking with one of my children and I could just tell their affect was a little bit different. I was like, "Are you sad?" And they were like, "No." And then they were like, "I feel sad, but I don't know why." And then I looked, and I was like, "Are you understimulated?" And their eyes opened up and they're like, "Yes, I'm understimulated." And I've started noticing, you know, I've been married 15 years, that like times when I have, like, started to feel discontent in my marriage and I just think everyone experiences seasons of that, if you're married for a long time, what I've realized is like, oh, I was under-stimulated. And that lens of understimulation has been really helpful of like, I'm not discontent with my spouse, I'm like experiencing under stimulation. Okay, I need an infusion of creativity or some sort of stimulus. But I think that happens a lot for ADHDers is, once the relationship is not as stimulating, it can be tempting to let me go look for that elsewhere. PATRICK CASALE: Yep, yep, I agree with that 100%. So, you know, stimulation seeking, right? And then when we have that dopamine, when we have that adrenaline rush, when we have all the feel-good chemicals in our body, and then all of a sudden it's like, well, that same person, that relationship, the stimulation is missing, so it must be something wrong with the relationship. MEGAN NEFF: Right, right. PATRICK CASALE: And how often can you be in partnership where it's stimulating 100% of the time? I don't think that's possible. MEGAN NEFF: Right. But I think when our, like, especially, if we don't understand our like, need for stimulus, yeah, exactly. It's so easy to go that narrative of like there must be something wrong here, because we're, yeah… So, okay, kind of a rabbit trail, but also, I think, important, because we're both, as far as I know, from you, Patrick, we're both in monogamous arranged partnerships. A lot of neurodivergent people are polyamorous or have different structures. And I think this is perhaps one of the reasons, especially, for autistic ADHDers, like if you have a frame that supports that, I see why that works for a lot of people, because you get the new relationship energy, and you have the secure base when well done, right? When there's a lot of good intentional conversations and the framework around it is setup well. So, it kind of, I thought about that of like, yeah, that makes sense where that works well for so many folks. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I think that makes perfect sense in a lot of ways. I think that's why my marriage works really well even though it is a monogamous one. It's non-traditional in a sense, where people will look at the fact that we spend a lot of time apart from one another and say, like, "Is everything okay at home? I see that Patrick's traveling by himself all the time and you're never with him." Or she like has so many friend groups, and so many book clubs, and so many things that she's involved in. And I don't often go to those things, or to those events, or to those parties, or any of those things. So, there is this, like, level of autonomy, and independence, and almost separateness within the marriage and relationship despite, like, neither one of us very often feeling disconnected from each other. MEGAN NEFF: That like, yeah, I'm smiling so big right now, because like, yeah, that's my marriage, and that's why it works. Does it work for Arielle? PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, for Arielle, it works. I think there are definitely times she would prefer that I would definitely come to a get together, or a party, or like, I could at times be more spontaneous with my answers instead of nine times out of 10 being like, "Nah, I don't want to do that." But I think it does work for this stage of our lives. I think the first couple of years it was challenging for her to be like, "What fuck is going on? Like, my husband doesn't want to come to anything with me." MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And essentially, as soon as I asked that I'm like, "Oh, of course, it works for Luke." But Luke is also, my spouse, I might have him listen to us before we are just to make sure, you know, he's cool with everything. He's a very, very, like intense people-pleaser. So, I also realized, like, and one thing I've been encouraging him to do… Again, this might sound controversial, I've been telling him like, "Hey, I both celebrate and grieve my, like, autism diagnosis. You get to do that, too, because like, it impacts our relationship." And he's started slowly, like, you know, there's a concert in town that he was like, "Oh, yeah, I did have the thought of, like, it'd be nice to like, go to that with you. And I know that that wouldn't happen. Or that if we did that, that would be really hard for you." And I'm encouraging him to explore his grief around this. So, I'm also realizing, yeah, I do think it mostly works for us, but also that there can be grief for the spouse. And I think it's so important we let our spouses experience that without it feeling like that's ableism, that's just part of the complexity of human relationship and emotion. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, and you've actually mentioned that exact scenario on here a couple of times now. And I think it's important, like, it's not only important, it's like paramount to be able to really help support your spouse have their own emotional journey within partnership about what their experience is like, because I'm sure there are times where Arielle is like, "Man, I'm going to this thing tonight, and there's going to be a lot of people there. And I might be one of the only partnered people that is there solo." And that can feel like, you know, there's something wrong on the home front. When I'm traveling all over the damn worlds by myself and people are always like, "Oh, are you married? Do you have a partner? Like, where are they? Like, do they come with you on these events?" I'm like, "Yeah, they do. They have four weeks of time off and they hate traveling. So, this is just the balance that we have found that works for both of us." And I think it gives me that stimulation, and that sensation seeking that I need, and that freedom. And it just works. So, I do think finding out what works is important, like you said before, have we had known this earlier on in our lives, it would probably save ourselves, our partners, our friends a lot of pain, but I'm glad to have arrived to it now. And before it was too late to do that. MEGAN NEFF: I think what I'm feeling like just a lot of gratitude that we both found people that like, because I think for both of us it takes kind of unique people to be able to be married to us. PATRICK CASALE: Yes. MEGAN NEFF: And I'm really glad we both found people for whom we've been able to build a life that's secure and also like works with our sensory needs. And I think sounds like works for our partner's needs as well, mostly. PATRICK CASALE: For sure. I like the mostly caveat, because that's probably the case. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, I mean, I don't want to, like, be, yeah, totally works for me. I'm sure of it, yeah, mostly. PATRICK CASALE: This will be a good episode to then have both of them on here, like we talked about. MEGAN NEFF: We talked about that. We have talked about having, yeah, do you want to do like a four-way conversation? PATRICK CASALE: I think it'll be pretty cool. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Oh, goodness. I think that'd be really interesting. Yeah, I'll try to see if Luke's up for that. PATRICK CASALE: No pressure. But yeah, I think, again, as so many of these conversations are, there is so much nuance and complexity here. And it's not just attachment style, it's not just neurotype or neurology, it's everything. And I think we have to assess and look at everything when we are trying to figure out not only our client's, you know, struggle areas in terms of their relational relationships and their attunement, but our own, and our friendships, and our partnerships with our families, et cetera, and really taking neurodiversity into account and consideration when we are looking at relational dynamics. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely. PATRICK CASALE: Other thoughts? MEGAN NEFF: Is this our ending? Yeah, I don't feel like I have anything to add to that. I kind of feel like we're at our awkward goodbye time. PATRICK CASALE: I like that it started awkward. We both were kind of foggy, we both were kind of cloudy. And then it developed into what I think was a really good, powerful conversation. And I'm just grateful for you too, in terms of if we're looking at attachment in friendships, because we haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks. And we're both not feeling great, but I'm pretty happy with how that turned out. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, same, same. PATRICK CASALE: All right, everyone who's listening, so Divergent Conversations is out every single Friday on all major platforms and YouTube. You can follow us on Instagram as well. Like, download, subscribe, and share. And, goodbye.

Bu bölümde çok garip bir konuğum var: ChatGPT!Bölümün isminin geldiği bir diğer yer ise Mary Ainsworth'ün 'Yabancı Durum' (The Strange Situation) isimli deneyi. Kendisi John Bowlby'nin öğrencisi ve Bağlanma Kuramı ile ilişkili çok önemli çalışmalar yapmış bir isim. 'Yabancı Durum' deneyi ise psikoloji literatüründe olduça önemli bir yere sahip.Bu bölümde bu deneye ilişkin hem GPT ile sohbet ettik, hem de ben kendi düşüncelerimin bir kısmını aktardım.Keyifli dinlemeler.

Matthew Leffler - The Armchair Attorney - Chicago, IL Bill Priestley - Producer - FreightWaves NOW

Erin Molan discusses the strange situation she's found herself in with Tish Cyrus and Dominic PurcellSubscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/hughesy-ed-and-erinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I am discussing the Strange Situation Text used to group peole into four attachment styles. The strange situation test is a widely used experimental procedure in developmental psychology to assess attachment patterns between infants or young children and their primary caregivers. The children were aged 12 to 24 months. The main objective of the strange situation test is to observe and understand how children react to brief separations from and reunions with their caregivers in a controlled and unfamiliar environment. The text provides valuable insights into the child's attachment style, which is critical aspect of early socio-emotional development.  If you don't know if your strongest attachment style is the secure attachment style, the preoccupied anxious attachment style, the dismissive avoidant attachment style, or the fearful avoidant attachment style, also known as the disorganized attachment style, I have two links to help you figure that out. Attachment Quiz 1: https://pds.idevaffiliate.com/151.html Attachment Quiz 2: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl Better Help Online Therapy 10% Discount: https://betterhelp.com/relationshipattachments Online-Therapy Discount: https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492 Attached book: https://amzn.to/3XYqMLX Avoidant book: https://amzn.to/3Dlaovs

Deep Cut pulls from our bonus episode archive to unearth previous ideas that remain relevant today. Survivor shame over what has been lost, and how one has been complicit. Apologist shame: turned inside out and externalized as aggression. Popular shaming, which tries to deflect attention from how close to home cultic dynamics really are. In the cult landscape, shame is a common denominator. In this contemplation, Matthew unpacks various aspects, with help from the writing of cult theorists and recovery counselors Alexandra Stein, Daniel Shaw, and Holocaust survivor Primo Levi. Deep Cut Intro Music Single Origins — Pete Kuzma Show Notes Primo Levi: The Drowned and the Saved The Relational System of the Traumatizing Narcissist — Shaw Rachel Bernstein's “One More Thing” at the end of Betrayal and Power w/ Nitai Joseph, former Hare Krishna — S4E5. All of Rachel Bernstein's IndoctriNation podcast. What's Behind the Blowback You'll Get When You Engage Cult Members "Deception, Dependence, Dread of Leaving" — Langone "I Got Mine-ism" Selected Bibliography: Ainsworth, Mary D. Salter. Patterns of Attachment: a Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Routledge, 2015. Arendt, Hannah. The Origins of Totalitarianism. Penguin Classics, 2017. Freyd, Jennifer J. Betrayal Trauma: the Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Harvard University Press, 1998. Freyd, Jennifer J., and Pamela Birrell. Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Arent Being Fooled. Wiley, 2013. Hassan, Steven. Combating Cult Mind Control: the #1 Best-Selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults. Freedom of Mind Press, 2016. Kramer, Joel, and Diana Alstad. The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power. North Atlantic Books/Frog, 1993. Lalich, Janja, and Madeleine Landau. Tobias. Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships. Bay Tree Pub., 2006. Lalich, Janja. Escaping Utopia: Growing up in a Cult, Getting out, and Starting Over. Routledge, 2018. Langone, Michael D. Recovery from Cults: Help for Victims of Psychological and Spiritual Abuse. W.W. Norton, 1995. Lifton, Robert Jay. Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: a Study of “Brainwashing” in China.W.W. Norton, 1961. Miller, Alice, et al. For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence. Farrar, Straus, Giroux, 2002. Oakes, Len. Prophetic Charisma: the Psychology of Revolutionary Religious Personalities. Syracuse University Press, 1997. Shaw, Daniel. Traumatic Narcissism: Relational Systems of Subjugation. Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group, 2014. Stein, Alexandra. Terror, Love and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems. Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group, 2017. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For the transcript for this episode, visit the website at http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk Subscribe to the podcastSupport the showOn this episode, I dive into why hoarders are so fixated on stuff. Joining me is Dr Jan Eppingstall, who looks into the theory of transitional objects developed by Winnicott and how they shape our attachment styles. We explore how these objects serve as a source of comfort and self-soothing, representing our primary caregiver. Jan discusses how uncertainty can lead to people-pleasing and masking of emotions. We also learn about the impact of insecure attachment on hoarding behaviours and the role of belongings in forging connections and fulfilling our emotional needs. We also discuss the complex interaction between genetics and environment in hoarding tendencies. Tune in for a deep dive into the psychological factors behind our attachment to our possessions.- Transitional object theory by Winnicott- The role of transitional objects in comforting children, representing the primary caregiver- How transitional objects help children become independent and manage separation anxiety- Uncertainty and people-pleasing behaviours- Excessive attachment to belongings stemming from childhood experiences- Attachment styles and secure and insecure attachment- Using possessions to gain power, impress others, make connections- Attachment theory and its impact on hoarding behaviours- The use of possessions to forge connections - Possessions as non-confrontational and not disappointing compared to people- Attachment insecurity linked to negative thoughts about self-worth, shame, and unstable identity- Growing up in a hoard leading to disorganised attachment and attachment trauma- Understanding why people attach meaning to possessions- Possessions reflecting aspects of personality, intelligence, or past achievements- Ambivalent sense of self in hoarding and its relation to identity struggles- Common themes for hoarding: avoiding negative emotions, holding onto past happiness, validating past pain- Factors contributing to hoarding: instinctual nature of stockpiling and inability to avoid engaging with possessions- Coping mechanisms, their classifications as acceptable or unacceptable, and the tipping point to excessive behaviours- John Bowlby's attachment theory and its focus on distress and anxiety in babies when separated from primary caregiver- Influence of early separation on psychological well-being, based on experimental studies during the Blitz- The role of transitional object attachment - Mary Ainsworth's extension of Bowlby's research through the Strange Situation experiments- Identification of secure attachment and three types of insecure attachment: anxious, avoidant, and disorganised- Hoarding tendencies being more common among first degree relatives- Chromosome regions associated with hoarding, but no clear susceptibility genes identified- Limited support for a genetic predisposition to hoarding- Disproven hypotheses about hoarding and scarcity or deprivation- The interaction between nature (genetics) and nurture (environment) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bonjour ! Le podcast Nouveau Départ est le quatrième épisode de notre série de podcasts intitulée Places à prendre. Céline Alix, Sandra Fillaudeau et moi discutons à trois voix de la question de l'ambivalence autour de la maternité, en nous demandant si elle avait plus de place, si elle était plus audible, aujourd'hui. Nos dernières lectures, visites d'expos et écoutes de podcasts ont nourri ces échanges… Au fil de notre conversation, nous discutons avec Céline et Sandra :* De la représentation plus réaliste de la maternité (en particulier l'accouchement dans la peinture ) ;* Du livre Screaming on the Inside de Jessica Grose, qui évoque l'insoutenabilité du rôle des mères aux Etats-Unis (analyse très transposable dans d'autres cultures, malgré les spécificités du contexte américain) ;* Du lien d'attachement et des recherches d'une mère pour comprendre comment l'amour qu'elle porte à sa fille peut coexister avec des émotions plus inconfortables comme l'agacement, l'impatience, la colère, à travers le livre Strange Situation de Bethany Saltman ;* De l'idéalisation du lien mère-enfant et la pression induite par la famille nucléaire moderne occidentale telle que nous la connaissons…Bonne écoute !Les autres ressources mentionnées dans l'épisode :* Les artistes évoquées par Céline : au Palais de Tokyo et au Centre Pompidou* Le livre Chasseur, Cueilleur, Parent évoqué par Sandra Cet épisode de “Places à prendre” revient sur des thèmes que j'ai abordés avec plusieurs de mes invités Nouveau Départ. Pour aller plus loin, je vous invite à (re)découvrir les podcasts suivants :* La naissance sous toutes les coutures (avec Dr Agnès Gepner)* La pénalité maternelle (avec Mathilde Ramadier)* La grossesse, nouvelle frontière du féminisme (avec Judith Aquien)Le média de la transition* “À deux voix”, nos conversations à bâtons rompus sur l'actualité* Une vision engagée, des clefs pour aller au fond des choses* Nos abonnés : des entrepreneurs, professionnels, citoyens engagés* Des nouvelles de nos travaux et de nos projetsQui nous sommes* Laetitia | Fondatrice de CNVC Research, collabore avec Welcome to the Jungle, autrice de Du Labeur à l'ouvrage (Calmann-Lévy, 2019) et En finir avec la productivité : critique féministe d'une notion phare de l'économie et du travail (Payot, 2022).* Nicolas | Cofondateur de la société The Family, ancien chroniqueur à L'Obs, auteur de L'Âge de la multitude (avec Henri Verdier, Armand Colin, 2015) et Un contrat social pour l'âge entrepreneurial (Odile Jacob, 2020).Nous sommes mariés depuis 16 ans et vivons à Munich, en Allemagne, avec nos deux enfants. Nouveau Départ est le média que nous avons conçu ensemble au printemps 2020 pour mieux nous orienter dans la crise et la transition.Nos podcasts sont également accessibles sur Apple Podcasts et Spotify. Nouveau Départ a sa page LinkedIn et son compte Twitter : @_NouveauDepart_. Suivez-nous aussi individuellement sur LinkedIn (Laetitia & Nicolas) et sur Twitter (Nicolas & Laetitia). This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nouveaudepart.substack.com

  Bethany Saltman has written a compelling book about the science of attachment. It is a memoir of her journey into the science of attachment, a summary of what is known about attachment and the process of how this important theory was established. In this interview we talk about some of the basic features of attachment. The relationship an infant forms with their caregiver puts down a psychological foundation that biases development in certain directions. For the purpose of this podcast, we note that an insecure attachment increased the probablility of developing an anxiety disorder. However, developmental trajectories are complex and nothing is fixed in stone.  Bethany Saltman has many facets to her work, including being a writing coach and she can be found at https://www.bethanysaltman.com/strange-situationn.com

Laëtitia, Céline et moi nous sommes réunies autour du micro pour ce 4ème épisode de ‘Places à prendre', notre espace de conversation qui explore la place des femmes, au sens très large du terme. Pour ce 4ème épisode, nous avions toutes les 3 la même envie : explorer la question de l'ambivalence autour de la maternité, en nous demandant si elle avait plus de place, si elle était plus audible, aujourd'hui. Nos dernières lectures / visites d'expos / écoutes de podcasts ont nourri nos échanges (beaucoup en anglais – nous nous disons qu'ainsi, même si vous ne lisez pas l'anglais, vous avez accès à ces écrits importants). Nous explorons entre autres : La représentation plus réaliste de la maternité (en particulier l'accouchement dans la peinture ) Le livre Screaming on the Inside de Jessica Grose, qui évoque l'insoutenabilité du rôle des mères aux Etats-Unis (analyse très transposable dans d'autres cultures, malgré les spécificités du contexte américain) Le lien d'attachement et les recherches d'une mère pour comprendre comment l'amour qu'elle porte à sa fille peut coexister avec des émotions plus inconfortables comme l'agacement, l'impatience, la colère, à travers le livre Strange Situation de Bethany Saltman L'idéalisation du lien mère-enfant et la pression induite par la famille nucléaire moderne occidentale telle que nous la connaissons. Bonne écoute ! Sandra, Céline & Laëtitia ** Les ressources mentionnées dans l'épisode : Les artistes évoquées par Céline : https://palaisdetokyo.com/personne/miriam-cahn/ https://www.centrepompidou.fr/fr/programme/agenda/evenement/JonpUmK Le livre « Chasseur, Cueilleur, Parent » évoqué par Sandra : https://www.editionsleduc.com/produit/2579/9791028521592/chasseur-cueilleur-parent ********************************************** Merci de faire une place aux Équilibristes dans votre vie. Si vous voulez soutenir le podcast, prenez quelques instants pour dire pourquoi vous l'appréciez sur votre plateforme d'écoute préférée, en laissant 5 ⭐et un commentaire. Merci merci pour votre soutien !

Attachment theory argues a child's early experiences creates a blueprint for all future relationships. Secure attachments are the result of emotionally sensitive parenting and the child feeling their emotional needs are met. So it's crucial for teaching emotional regulation, and how we achieve this isn't just what we do when our children are babies. In this episode we go back to basics to help you understand what attachment theory is, how it can manifest in our children's actions and behaviour, and what we can do as parents to support our children. Here are the highlights: (02:15) Why is attachment theory so important? (08:06) The Strange Situation (12:59) These behaviours are normal (18:34) Responding to our child's emotional needs (20:35) Emotionally responsive vs emotionally sensitive To access the free resources mentioned in this episode visit https://drmaryhan.com/library Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025.Purchase your ticket for my next online talk 'How to Help Your Child Navigate Friendships' at 8-9pm on 13th of September 2023Would you like more support beyond the podcast? Join the How Not to Screw Up Your Kids Community now just £9.97 a month!

Welcome to The Conscious Couples Podcast with your hosts and real-life couple Emilia Smith and Alan Lazaros. In this episode, they talk about the different attachment styles. They describe how you develop attachment styles and share a study about them. You can have more than one attachment style and tendencies, depending on your relationship with your caregiver or caregivers when you were a child. Vulnerability plays a huge role in changing your attachment style from an insecure one to a secure attachment style. They also share the adjustments they made in their relationship by tuning in to each other's attachment styles and allowing each other to be vulnerable.Show notes:[1:30] Episode intentions[2:22] The Strange Situation 1978[6:47] The Theory of Attachment[8:34] How we form our attachment styles[11:17] The attachment styles and tendencies[12:02] The Avoidant Attachment Style[12:49] Lynn Nguyen on her Relationship Talk experience as she journeys into becoming the best person for her future partner[16:38] The Anxious Attachment Style[17:50] The Disorganized Attachment Style[18:09] The Secure Attachment Style[19:02] Where vulnerability comes in[24:40] OutroLearn more about The Conscious Couples: www.theweuniversity.comFollow us on Instagram:Emilia Smith @evolvewithemiliaAlan Lazaros @alazaros88Book a FREE Relationship Talk:  https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/free-30-minute-relationships-talk-with-alan-and-emiliaThanks for joining us for another episode of The Conscious Couples Podcast; we love connecting with the Conscious Couples community, so please make sure you follow us on Instagram. If you enjoyed this episode and would like to hear more like it, it would mean the world to us if you subscribe, leave us a review, and please share this with someone you love & care about. Until next time, and remember, it's not about you or me, it's about The We!

A new MP3 sermon from Grace Baptist Church Tampere, Finland is now available on SermonAudio with the following details: Title: The Strange Situation and the Revelation Subtitle: Genesis Speaker: Miska Wilhelmsson Broadcaster: Grace Baptist Church Tampere, Finland Event: Sunday Service Date: 11/27/2022 Bible: Genesis 30:25-31:55 Length: 78 min.

The strange situation with Kyrie Irving To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Al & Jerry dissect the Kyrie situation... To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Unexpected situation related to alcohol and a relative. Just thought it was odd since I had just done these podcasts about addiction and drinking. Sort of a wakeup call. I don't believe in coincidences. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-allen-belzer/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-allen-belzer/support

00:00 Prop Drop 6:44 Doug's Big One 12:21 Four-Minute Offense 17:30 Chiefs' Insider Josh Klingler 46:02 Cardinals Signs I've Waited For 1:09:52 Strange Situation for one NFC West Team 1:14:58 Bad Game for Torey 1:21:42 Big 12 Looking at or through ASU? 1:26:14 Vs Vegas presented by KingCappers.com

Relevant Links:Strange Situation by Bethany SaltmanAinsworth Maternal Sensitivity ScalesSkinner Box

Bethany Saltman, author of, "Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment," introduces us to the Strange Situation Procedure developed in the 1970s as a way to observe the attachment styles of children between the ages of 9-18months. In one stage of the procedure the mother/ primary caregiver and a stranger sit in a room with the child, and then the mother leaves the room.  The way the child reacts to the mother's leaving and her return is carefully observed and information about the attachment bond is categorized into an attachment style.  This procedure revolutionized the understanding of child and adult psychology specifically in relationships and bonding. Join us as we discover how knowing about your attachment style provides a clue as to how you manage the stresses of relationships and parenting as an adult. Knowing this, you can start healing relationship wounds and foster secure relationships with your children and loved ones. Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey Into The Science of Attachment was named one of the best science books of 2020 by The New Scientist.------------------------For more information and to contact Bethany Saltman go to:www.bethanysaltman.comFor more information or support contact Kevin or Niseema at info@thepositivemindcenter.com, or call 212-757-4488. These are challenging times and we hope this episode served to validate and ease your anxiety about what you may be experiencing. Please feel free to also suggest show ideas to the above email. Thank you for listening,Kevin and Niseemawww.tffpp.orgwww.kevinlmhc.comwww.niseema.comwww.thepositivemindcenter.comPRODUCTION CREDITSOpening Music : Another Country, Pure Shadowfax, ShadowfaxBreak Music: Geoff BradyEnd Music : TFFPP Theme - Giullian Goiello for The Foundation for Positive PsychologyThe Positive Mind is produced with the help of:Engineering: Geoff BradyProducer/ Research: Connie Shannon Website Design and End Music: Giullian GioelloMarketing and PR: Jen Maguire, Maguire PR, jen@maguirepr.com

How much do our childhoods, and especially the quality of our first loving bonds, determine who we become and how we love. A truly fascinating and delightful conversation about the science of attachment with a longtime Zen student, author of a phenomenal book Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment Bethany Saltman. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE The Lost Daughter  Strange Situation  Becoming Attached by Robert Karen, Ph.D Bethany Saltman's wesbite  Follow her on Instagram Ep. 315: How to Help Kids with Emotional Self-Regulation with Mona Delahooke, PhD Ep. 267: The Power of Discord Dr. Ed Tronick and Claudia Gold, MD Ep. 260: Parenting with Presence with Dr. Dan Siegel  Ep. 189: What's Your Attachment Style? with Jenny Rosier, Ph.D Adult Attachment Interivew Protocol    SUPPORT THE SHOW, SHOW YOUR LOVE Become a patron on Patreon.com and join 18 exisiting memebers who contribute $92 towards our monthly goal of $500.  Make a one-time donation in any amount to say “Thank you!” Rate or write a review   FULL SHOW NOTES www.authenticparenting.com/podcast    HOW WORK WITH ANNA I would be thrilled to support you in your parenting journey! All listeners get 10% off on my services. Private Coaching Online courses and classes    GET IN TOUCH Comments, questions, feedback, and love notes  USA listeners call 732-763-2576 and leave a voicemail. International listeners use the FREE Speak Pipe tool on my website Email: info@authenticparenting.com   STAY CONNECTED Instagram Facebook Group-Authentic Parenting Community   Thank you for listening!  With gratitude, Anna Seewald Parent Educator, Keynote Speaker, Author www.authenticparenting.com

Episode 13: This week, Bailey takes us along on a decades-long mystery into who was Lori Ruff? And Beth brings our week back up with a bunch of crazy cats who saved people's lives! Welcome back, Crime Family, you have made it back for another week, let's do this! ✌️

"We heal the past by embodying the present. Now, now, now, now, now. That's all we have. When we change the present, history changes." ~ Bethany SaltmanBethany Saltman is a phenomenon. She's also the author of a brilliant and poignant book called Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment (Ballantine Books, 2020). This book absolutely floored me. “A fascinating mix of memoir and the history of a major revolution in the scientific theory of the relationships we form in our first year of life…” —BOOKLIST (Starred Review)It was her pursuit of the answer to a daunting question - what kind of mother am I? -  that captivated me. This question led her to search for, find, and follow clues that offered no map, no timeline, and no guarantees...and also eventually led to unforeseen discoveries about herself, her family, the science of attachment, the guiding figures she would meet along the way, and of course the scientist she would only know through archives, records, recordings, and notes - Mary Ainsworth, the attachment researcher who captured Bethany's imagination and heart.From her Zazen meditation years seated on her cushion “being with what is” to the years of searching to discover what is, what was, and what might be, Bethany teaches us what it means to see ourselves and our children more clearly. We talk about the practice of awareness, the power of sensitivity, the reality of presence, the process of seeing and trusting in ourselves, self-care as child-care, and the predictive power of delight. This conversation is just a wonder. LISTEN, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE and FOLLOW us on social @theforeseeablenowpodcast. LINKS:Strange Situation is now out in paperback.Bethany's website https://www.bethanysaltman.com/Strange Situation ~ video https://www.bethanysaltman.com/related-videosA couple of Bethany's acclaimed articles:https://www.thecut.com/2016/06/attachment-theory-motherhood-c-v-r.htmlhttps://www.thecut.com/2014/10/we-fought-for-affirmative-consent-in-the-90s.htmlBethany's "Secret Teachings Study Group" ~ https://www.bethanysaltman.com/mary-ainsworth-attachment-study-group 

June is allllll about attachment!  We kicked off this special series on attachment last week with my interview with author Bethany Saltman and her memoir "Strange Situation."Today- we are going back to basics.Attachment is something that gets a lot of airtime but also, a lot of confusion.  In today's episode we'll talk about John Bolwby and how he brilliantly noticed that attachment is about physical (and emotional) survival.We explore the difference between safe haven and secure base, and about how attachment is both about connection and autonomy.We look at the three attachment behaviors Bowlby identified:Seek, monitor, and maintain proximity Use the attachment figure as the secure baseFlee to their attachment figure when afraidGoing Back to Basics certainly means highlighting the work of Mary Ainsworth, which ultimately led to The Strange Situation and the attachment classifications we now know as secure and insecure. I'm a big fan of scaffolding (which you know if you're a member of The Club or you've taken Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online digital course) so consider this episode an important part of the scaffolding of attachment.  We've got to get clear on the basics before moving on!Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!There's a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series!  I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don't have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want.  To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebookOver on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and BrainOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club************If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!https://robyngobbel.com/ebook

Bethany Saltman is the author of part memoir part biography Strange Situation- A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment.  Bethany is a professional researcher, writer, and longtime Zen student who went searching for what she felt was missing when she was a new mom. Like myself, Bethany discovered Dr. Sears' The Baby Book on attachment parenting when she was pregnant with her now 15-year-old daughter (my son is 15 and almost the exact same age!) and had expectations about what motherhood and parenting was going to look like: a blissful time where she enjoyed the natural awakenings of maternal instinct.Which did not happen.  Bethany remembers that she wasn't patient with her daughter.  She didn't feel very loving toward her.  And ultimately she felt broken because Dr. Sears had promised in his book that attachment parenting was easy because it ‘feeds on a mother's natural intuition.'  Bethany stated she was doing her best but also doing a lot of things wrong as a mom- and couldn't figure out why.   So she went on a deep-dive journey into exploring the science of attachment, in particular Mary Ainsworth and The Strange Situation.  Bethany's exploration into the science of attachment led her to the conclusion that behaviors have actually very little to do with attachment. There isn't a checklist.  Raising a child with secure attachment isn't about breastfeeding or co-sleeping. It has to do with how you think and feel about your attachments and how this is transmitted from mind to mind, generation to generation. I can't wait to hear what you think about this interview with Bethany!!!You can find Bethany on instagram @Bethany_Saltman or on her website at www.BethanySaltman.com.  Grab her book Strange Situation wherever books are sold but try to get it from your local bookstore ;)Don't forget to subscribe to Parenting after Trauma with Robyn Gobbel!Then head over to my website and get the free, 45 minute masterclass What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclassOver on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and BrainOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club************If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!https://robyngobbel.com/ebook

Writer and poet Bethany Saltman didn't set out to write a memoir but when her research into the life and studies of Mary Ainsworth overlapped with her own childhood, she knew she had to delve into her past. Bethany tells Zibby about how Ainsworth's attachment theories apply to the often complicated relationship she had with her older brothers, in which ways her familial past has affected her connection to her own daughter, and what the dynamic with her mother is like today.Purchase on Amazon or Bookshop.Amazon: https://amzn.to/3EQZ49XBookshop: https://bit.ly/3zK2eIQ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This week we visit the idea of connection as important to our sense of well being and mental health. Take a moment, and ask yourself: Where do I feel connected in my life? Am I connected? Do I feel disconnected? We recap the key concepts of three authors we have had on, and all who have a unique take on "connection."   We revisit Charley Wininger's, "Listening to Ecstasy: The Transformative Power of MDMA", Dr. Warren Farrell's, "The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It,” and Bethany Saltman's, "Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey Through the Science of Attachment." We think you'll appreciate the idea of connection so much more after you listen to the show.______________________________________For more information or support contact Kevin or Niseema at: info@thepositivemindcenter.com, or call 212-757-4488. You can sign up for our weekly newsletter at www.tffpp.org.These are challenging times and we hope this episode served to validate and ease your anxiety about what you may be experiencing. Please feel free to also suggest show ideas to the above email. Thank you for listening,Kevin and Niseemawww.tffpp.orghttps://www.kevinlmhc.comwww.niseema.comwww.thepositivemindcenter.comPRODUCTION CREDITSOpening Music : Another Country, Pure Shadowfax, ShadowfaxBreak Music: Original Composition by Geoff BradyEnd Music : TFFPP Theme - Giullian Goiello for The Foundation for Positive PsychologyThe Positive Mind is produced with the help of:Engineering: Geoff BradyResearch and Production Associate: Connie Shannon Website Design and End Music: Giullian GioelloMarketing and PR: Jen Maguire, Maguire PR, jen@maguirepr.com

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT is a teacher, clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). Beloved by colleagues and clients alike, Stan is an expert on human behavior and couple relationships. He speaks and teaches around the world on secure-functioning relationships – how to understand them, create them, and support them. Stan has written dozens of academic articles and six bestselling books – now translated into Spanish, Chinese, Turkish, and Romanian. More than 1.1 million people have tuned in to Stan's TEDx talk. A Therapist's Therapist Stan and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, created the PACT Institute in 2010 to train mental health professionals to successfully integrate a psychobiological approach in their clinical practices. Through the PACT Institute, Stan has trained thousands of therapists in Austin, Berkeley, Boulder, Los Angeles, New York, Santa Fe, Seattle, Canada, England, Norway, Turkey, Australia, and Spain. They appreciate his depth of understanding – of both the scientific research and the human condition – and how he integrates that wisdom to form the foundation of the comprehensive principles and methodologies he teaches. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists CA honored Stan with the Educator of the Year award in 2014. Go-To Source for Couples Stan helps couples create healthy attachments and secure-functioning relationships based on fairness, justice, and sensitivity. Throughout each year, Stan and Tracey travel coast to coast, leading couples through Wired For Love Couple Retreats with other PACT faculty. Stan has devoted his life to working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships, and he maintains a robust clinical practice in Calabasas, California. Scholar, Advancing Psychotherapy Stan is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a founding member on Relationships First, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. A former president of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, Ventura County chapter, Stan is a veteran member of Allan N. Schore's study group. He's trained in the Adult Attachment, Facial Action Coding System, and Strange Situation. He was also trained in Self and Object Relations for working with personality disorders through the Masterson Institute. As clinician, he has also specialized in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders and drug and alcohol addiction. Stan is an experienced facilitator in Vipassana, having trained with Shinzen Young, PhD, in Vipassana meditation. He also trained with David Reynolds, PhD, in two Japanese forms of psychotherapy, Morita and Naikan.

June is allllll about attachment!  We kicked off this special series on attachment last week with my interview with author Bethany Saltman and her memoir "Strange Situation."Today- we are going back to basics.Attachment is something that gets a lot of airtime but also, a lot of confusion.  In today's episode we'll talk about John Bolwby and how he brilliantly noticed that attachment is about physical (and emotional) survival.We explore the difference between safe haven and secure base, and about how attachment is both about connection and autonomy.We look at the three attachment behaviors Bowlby identified:Seek, monitor, and maintain proximity Use the attachment figure as the secure baseFlee to their attachment figure when afraidGoing Back to Basics certainly means highlighting the work of Mary Ainsworth, which ultimately led to The Strange Situation and the attachment classifications we now know as secure and insecure.  I'm a big fan of scaffolding (which you know if you're a member of The Club or you've taken Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online digital course) so consider this episode an important part of the scaffolding of attachment.  We've got to get clear on the basics before moving on!Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!There's a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series!  I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don't have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want.  To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebookAnd while you're on my website!  Be sure to check out The Club and add yourself to the waiting list!  Doors open again at the end of June!  https://robyngobbel.com/theclub**********There are so many benefits (and no drawbacks!) to teaching kids and teens about the brain. I'll give you simple, fun ways to Teach Kids about their Awesome Brain. This 1.5 hour webinar airs live on Wed Oct 20. Everyone who registers will receive the recording so you don't have to attend live! CLICK HERE.

Bethany Saltman is the author of part memoir part biography Strange Situation- A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment.  Bethany is a professional researcher, writer, and longtime Zen student who went searching for what she felt was missing when she was a new mom. Like myself, Bethany discovered Dr. Sears' The Baby Book on attachment parenting when she was pregnant with her now 15-year-old daughter (my son is 15 and almost the exact same age!) and had expectations about what motherhood and parenting was going to look like: a blissful time where she enjoyed the natural awakenings of maternal instinct.Which did not happen.  Bethany remembers that she wasn't patient with her daughter.  She didn't feel very loving toward her.  And ultimately she felt broken because Dr. Sears had promised in his book that attachment parenting was easy because it ‘feeds on a mother's natural intuition.'  Bethany stated she was doing her best but also doing a lot of things wrong as a mom- and couldn't figure out why.   So she went on a deep-dive journey into exploring the science of attachment, in particular Mary Ainsworth and The Strange Situation.  Bethany's exploration into the science of attachment led her to the conclusion that behaviors have actually very little to do with attachment. There isn't a checklist.  Raising a child with secure attachment isn't about breastfeeding or co-sleeping. It has to do with how you think and feel about your attachments and how this is transmitted from mind to mind, generation to generation.  I can't wait to hear what you think about this interview with Bethany!!!You can find Bethany on instagram @Bethany_Saltman or on her website at www.BethanySaltman.com.  Grab her book Strange Situation wherever books are sold but try to get it from your local bookstore ;) Don't forget to subscribe to Parenting after Trauma with Robyn Gobbel!Then head over to my website and get the free, 45 minute masterclass What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclassWhile you're there, be sure to put your name on the waiting list for The Club- a virtual community of connection and co-regulation for parents of kids impacted by trauma (and the professionals who support them).  We welcome new members approximately every three months!**********There are so many benefits (and no drawbacks!) to teaching kids and teens about the brain. I'll give you simple, fun ways to Teach Kids about their Awesome Brain. This 1.5 hour webinar airs live on Wed Oct 20. Everyone who registers will receive the recording so you don't have to attend live! CLICK HERE.

Karen continues her eight part series of four interviews exploring the roots and history attachment theory. In today's episode, she begins her second interview by welcoming author Bethany Saltman back to the show for an in-depth conversation on Mary Ainsworth's contributions to attachment theory, particularly her strange situation procedure.

Karen continues her eight part series of four interviews exploring the roots and history attachment theory. In today's episode, she begins her second interview by welcoming author Bethany Saltman back to the show for an in-depth conversation on Mary Ainsworth's contributions to attachment theory, particularly her strange situation procedure. Part two will be released on Tuesday, May 25th. 

Join resident sleep expert Amanda Jewson as she talks with Bethany Saltman, an author, editor and researcher, whose work can be seen in magazines like the New Yorker, New York Magazine, Atlantic Monthly, Parents, and many others. Her first book, Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey Into the Science of Attachment, published in April, 2020 by Random House, was inspired by the birth of her daughter in 2006, who although she loved dearly, she (like so many of us) feared she was failing. So she spent ten years teaching herself the science of attachment, traveling to labs, trainings, and archives, trying to discover what kind of mother she really was. https://www.bethanysaltman.com/Strange Situation — Bethany Saltman

Join resident sleep expert Amanda Jewson as she talks with Bethany Saltman, an author, editor and researcher, whose work can be seen in magazines like the New Yorker, New York Magazine, Atlantic Monthly, Parents, and many others. Her first book, Strange Situation: A Mother’s Journey Into the Science of Attachment, published in April, 2020 by Random House, was inspired by the birth of her daughter in 2006, who although she loved dearly, she (like so many of us) feared she was failing. So she spent ten years teaching herself the science of attachment, traveling to labs, trainings, and archives, trying to discover what kind of mother she really was. https://www.bethanysaltman.com/Strange Situation — Bethany Saltman

Was there one person in your childhood who you knew you could go to when you were in distress? You knew they would listen and allow you to have your feelings, providing comfort and support. This person represented a secure base in a world that may have been chaotic, confusing and scary. It turns out that having a secure base during your childhood makes all the difference in your whole outlook on life and relationships.  Kevin and Niseema welcome Drs. Howard and Miriam Steele who have made it their life's work to study the benefits of having a secure base and what happens when there is none.  They have studied and developed effective ways to support parents learning the skills of being a secure base for their children and in the process learn what it means to be humble.When parents are no longer afraid of their children and children no longer afraid of their parents then a whole new relationship is possible. A relationship that relies on co-operation, joy and a genuine interest in the emotional worlds of each other. Stay tuned for next week where we will expand on the ramifications of a world where striving for independence has eroded the human need for interdependence and community.-------------------------------------------Howard Steele, PhD, is Professor and Chair of Clinical Psychology, at the New School for Social Research in New York City. At the New School. Dr. Steele co-directs (with Dr. M. Steele) the Center for Attachment Research. Howard Steele is also senior and founding editor of the international journal, Attachment and Human Development, and founding president of the Society for Emotion and Attachment Studies, www.seasinternational.orgMiriam Steele, PhD, is Professor of Psychology, at the New School for Social Research where she co-directs (with Dr. H. Steele) the Center for Attachment Research. Dr. Miriam Steele is also an Anna Freud Center trained psychoanalyst. Miriam initiated the London Parent-Child Project, a major longitudinal study of intergenerational patterns of attachment, and has also carried out longitudinal attachment research in the context of child maltreatment and adoption.----------------------------------------For more information or support contact Kevin or Niseema at info@thepositivemindcenter.com, or call 212-757-4488. These are challenging times and we hope this episode served to validate and ease your anxiety about what you may be experiencing. Please feel free to also suggest show ideas to the above email. Thank you for listening,Kevin and Niseemawww.tffpp.orgwww.kevinlmhc.comwww.niseema.comwww.thepositivemindcenter.comPRODUCTION CREDITSOpening Music : Another Country, Pure Shadowfax, ShadowfaxBreak Music: Geoff BradyEnd Music : TFFPP Theme - Giullian Goiello for The Foundation for Positive PsychologyThe Positive Mind is produced with the help of:Engineering: Geoff BradyProducer/ Research: Connie Shannon Website Design and End Music: Giullian GioelloMarketing and PR: Jen Maguire, Maguire PR, jen@maguirepr.com

Revisiting The Science of Attachment with Bethany Saltman Bethany Saltman, author of, "Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment," introduces us to the Strange Situation Procedure developed in the 1970's as a way to observe the attachment styles of children between the ages of 9-18months. In one stage of the procedure the mother, or primary caregiver, and a stranger sit in a room with the child, and then mother leaves the room.  The way the child reacts to the mother's leaving and her return is carefully observed and information about the attachment bond is categorized into an attachment style.  This procedure revolutionized the understanding of child and adult psychology specifically in relationships and bonding. Join us as we discover how knowing about your attachment style provides a clue as to how you manage the stresses of relationships and parenting as an adult. Knowing this, you can start healing relationship wounds and foster secure relationships with your children and loved ones. ------------------------For more information and to contact Bethany Saltman go to:www.bethanysaltman.comFor more information or support contact Kevin or Niseema at info@thepositivemindcenter.com, or call 212-757-4488. These are challenging times and we hope this episode served to validate and ease your anxiety about what you may be experiencing. Please feel free to also suggest show ideas to the above email. Thank you for listening,Kevin and Niseemawww.tffpp.orgwww.kevinlmhc.comwww.niseema.comwww.thepositivemindcenter.comPRODUCTION CREDITSOpening Music : Another Country, Pure Shadowfax, ShadowfaxBreak Music: Geoff BradyEnd Music : TFFPP Theme - Giullian Goiello for The Foundation for Positive PsychologyThe Positive Mind is produced with the help of:Engineering: Geoff BradyProducer/ Research: Connie Shannon Website Design and End Music: Giullian GioelloMarketing and PR: Jen Maguire, Maguire PR, jen@maguirepr.com

Artist: Swann Decamme (France) Label: Curiosity Music Genre: Organic House / Downtempo Release Date: 09.04.2021 Beatport: https://www.beatport.com/release/curfew/3320825 Swann Decamme opens Curiosity Music 2021 festivities with « Curfew » EP! The show must go on as Freddy Mercury used to sing. Clubs are still shut and most of us are still locked down at home, so why not liven up that silence with a more upbeat twist? To open the 2021 festivities, Swann Decamme releases our first EP of the year, entitled « Curfew». The is the third record of the Parisian DJ and producer on his label Curiosity Music. Swann is known for his open-minded style of navigating between minimal, deep, and tech house , with a predilection for hypnotic loops and sound waves. He distinguishes himself with this unique combination, that you will recognize in the two original tracks he delivers here. Composed during the second lockdown in France, this new Swann Decamme's opus might be his most experimental and invites us to push the doors to another universe, dancy, classy, groovy, and cerebral. The first track, « Curfew », is a sweet deep house journey, mixing a light but effective beat to almost middle east inspired sounds. The second track, « Strange Situation » leads us to a mysterious introspective trip, coated in a smooth, chill tech house beat and few well-felt piano notes. His good friend and techno legend Quenum complete the EP by singing a remix of « Curfew ». Very melodious, with its catchy vocals and bewitching loops, this track is a call to dance and to let go. Save the date and discover these nuggets on March 26th from Beatport and on April 9th from every platform. Curiosity Music: https://www.facebook.com/curiositymusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/curiositymusic Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/curiositymusic Swann Decamme: www.facebook.com/swanndecamme Soundcloud: @swanndecamme Instagram: www.instagram.com/swanndecamme CONTACT (DHM): Email — deephousemoscow@hotmail.com

What constitutes our inner mental life is in large part based on our early relationship experiences. This principle of psychoanalytic thinking becomes particularly clear in the concept of attachment. Attachment describes the existential experience of emotional resonance and reassurance in relationships—or its fateful absence. Visit our website: www.psy-cast.org Support us on Patreon and get the scripts to the episodes: www.patreon.com/lives

Resources: Attachment Theory Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjOowWxOXCgContributions of Attachment Theory and Research: A Framework for Future Research, Translation, and Policy - Dev Psychopathol. 2013 Nov; 25(4 0 2): 1415–1434.Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Volume 1. Attachment. New York: Basic Books. Patterns of Attachment - A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation - pdf IntroEarly Years Study 2: Putting Science into Action - McCain, Mustard & ShankerReGain Article: What Types of Attachment are Healthy and Unhealthy?Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome - Paediatr Child Health. 2004 Oct; 9(8): 541–545.What is Attachment Theory ArticleWhat is Attachment Theory? Bowlby's 4 Stages ExplainedReview of Neurosequential Model of TherapeuticsAttachment (Psychology Today) ArticleBowlby, J. (1944). Forty-four juvenile thieves: their characters and home-life. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 25, 19–53Crittenden, P.(1999) 'Danger and development: the organisation of self-protective strategies' in Atypical Attachment in Infancy and Early Childhood Among Children at Developmental Risk ed. Joan I. Vondra & Douglas Barnett, Oxford: Blackwell pp. 145–171Solomon, J., George, C. & De Jong, A. (1995) Children classified as controlling at age six: Evidence of disorganized representational strategies and aggression at home and at school. Development and Psychopathology 7: 447–447.Thank you for listening. We appreciate your feedback, please rate and review wherever you listen. If you like the show, please subscribe and share with a friend!———Stay in touch at www.musictherapyandbeyond.comFollow us on Instagram @musictherapyandbeyondFollow us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/musictherapyandbeyondEmail us at musictherapyandbeyond@gmail.com

Strange situation -KBT   Detta är ett avsnitt från KBT-poddens julkalender 2017.   Bli en bättre behandlare med Lena Olsson-Lalor. Gäst: Anna Ehnvall   Lena Olsson-Lalor hjälper dig att sortera, informerar och inspirerar dig till att bli en bättre behandlare. Om du vill höra hela avsnittet kan du prenumerera på KBT-podden.  Du kan gå in och prenumerera på KBT-podden här.   Lena Olsson-Lalor Leg.psykoterapeut, handledare och lärare i psykoterapi - KBT, MI-trainer, certifierad i Prolonged Exposure samt rektor för grundläggande psykoterapiutbildning, KBT i Luleå. Anna Ehnvall Med. Dr. specialist i psykiatri. Leg. psykoterapeut med kognitiv riktning, Handledare och lärare i KBT.   Här kan du se boktips, läsa sammanfattning mm och starta din prenumeration   KBT-podden publiceras av KBTarna - Bli en bättre behandlare BBB   Kontakt: http://www.blienbattrebehandlare.se  info@blienbattrebehandlare.se    Avsnitt 23 publicerades första gången 13 december 2017 i KBT-poddens arkiv

Bethany Saltman returns to our show to go a little deeper into the science of Attachment Theory and how it impacts adults navigating relationships.  She also introduces some simple techniques to start to heal the attachment wounds that often  keeps people from having the relationships they want and need.  Our discussion about her book, Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment, also covers how the understandings gained from the Strange Situation Protocol are being introduced to caregivers in typically underserved communities to help build relational resilience from the beginning of life.  ______________________________For more information and to contact Bethany Saltman go to:www.bethanysaltman.comFor more information or support contact Kevin or Niseema at info@thepositivemindcenter.com, or call 212-757-4488. These are challenging times and we hope this episode served to validate and ease your anxiety about what you may be experiencing. Please feel free to also suggest show ideas to the above email. Thank you for listening,Kevin and Niseemawww.tffpp.orgwww.kevinlmhc.comwww.niseema.comwww.thepositivemindcenter.comPRODUCTION CREDITSOpening Music : Another Country, Pure Shadowfax, ShadowfaxEnd Music : TFFPP Theme - Giullian Goiello for The Foundation for Positive PsychologyThe Positive Mind is produced with the help of:Engineering: Geoff BradyProducer/ Research: Connie Shannon Website Design and End Music: Giullian GioelloMarketing and PR: Jen Maguire, Maguire PR, jen@maguirepr.com

A question that comes up often in our FB discussions is on dating and Attachment Styles. Per popular request, in this episode, I interview therapist Diana Chu on what attachment style is, how it impacts our relationships, and specific strategies we can employ to move us towards becoming more securely attached. “A lot of times people who are anxiously attached are attracted to people who are avoidant of attachment. Those two attachment types are like magnets to each other. The trick is not to get hooked on the highs and lows and mistake an activated attachment system for passion or love.” — Amir Levine & Rachel Heller Diana also talks in-depth about how therapists assist clients in this process, using “saying no” and boundary setting as examples. [min 3:00] The origin of attachment theory — The “Strange Situation” tests the four types of attachment style Anxious (Preoccupied), Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant), Avoidant (Dismissive), and Secure. [min 6:45] Attachment styles and how it impacts how we communicate in dating and relationships [min 10] How attachment style came from childhood template [min 11:15] How to move from Insecure to Secure Attachment style? [min 13:00] How therapists model Secure Attachment style for their clients [min 15:30] How drama therapy can help us learn how to handle difficult conversations (i.e., saying no) [min 17:45] Setting boundaries in dating relationships when Insecurely Attached [min 20:00] What happens when we grew up with parents that didn't allow us to set boundaries? [min 21:15] What happens if people disregard your boundaries? [min 22:15] Why it's essential to ask the hard questions in dating early? [min 24:30] Why reciprocity is vital in boundary-setting []Why effective communication frees you from anxiety in relationships [min 27:00] Can you “act-as-if” yourself into being Securely Attached? About our guest: Diana Chu is a Registered Drama Therapist (#659) and Mental Health Consultant. Currently working at Rams, inc., she graduated with a Masters of Counseling Psychology with a specialization in Drama Therapy from California Institute of Integral Studies. She has experience working at a Counselling Enriched Educational Program (CEEP), Family Engagement Program, and Autistic Spectrum Disorder Clinic where she developed essential skills to offer the most effective and caring therapeutic experience in a safe and affirming environment. You can find Diana Chu at dianachutherapy.com and check out “Waves of Change,” Diana's podcasts with her co-host Psychologist Dr. Lee. Review ou podcasts: Like all Life Is Love School episodes, we aim to deliver you useful information in a short amount of time, so you can apply what you've learned to reap the benefits immediately. If you like our podcasts, please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcast. Your review will help more survivors who need to hear our message of hope and healing find us, and it also means a lot to me personally. Please click here for instructions on how to leave a review. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/life-is-love-school/support

 In part one of their conversation with Bethany Saltman mother, author and journalist, Kevin and Niseema get into the details about attachment theory and how to understand the implications revealed in the Strange Situation Procedure created by Mary Ainsworth in the 1950's.  Bethany Salzman's most recent book Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey Into The Science of Attachment was named one of the best science books of 2020 by The New Scientist and seeks to normalize the parenting experience by sharing her own experiences and understandings thought the lens of the Strange Situation.   For more information and to contact Bethany Saltman go to:www.bethanysaltman.comFor more information or support contact Kevin or Niseema at info@thepositivemindcenter.com, or call 212-757-4488. These are challenging times and we hope this episode served to validate and ease your anxiety about what you may be experiencing. Please feel free to also suggest show ideas to the above email. Thank you for listening,Kevin and Niseemawww.tffpp.orgwww.kevinlmhc.comwww.niseema.comwww.thepositivemindcenter.comPRODUCTION CREDITSOpening Music : Another Country, Pure Shadowfax, ShadowfaxEnd Music : TFFPP Theme - Giullian Goiello for The Foundation for Positive PsychologyThe Positive Mind is produced with the help of:Engineering: Geoff BradyProducer/ Research: Connie Shannon Website Design and End Music: Giullian GioelloMarketing and PR: Jen Maguire, Maguire PR, jen@maguirepr.com

Bethany Saltman is an author, zen-practitioner, writing coach, and a mother. In this episode, I had the pleasure of talking to her about her new book: Strange Situation - A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment. In this wonderful tale of becoming a parent, Bethany tells her own story, as well as that of Mary Ainsworth, who is responsible for the vast research of the Attachment Theory as we know it. Together, we discuss her own story of becoming a mom and moving from feeling ashamed and guilty into a more present and accepting place, the difference between "attachment parenting" and the real attachment theory, and more.*** WIN A FREE COPY OF THE BOOK ***Join my free Facebook group today to be eligible to win a free copy of "Strange Situation". The winner will be chosen on October 10th, 2020, so be sure to be a member before that time. Invite your friends for an even better chance of winning the book. All the details are in the group.Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/my/profile)

People are profoundly bad at predicting their own attachment status, and if you are trying to do that you are headed in the right direction.  :)  That sort of mindful inquiry is part of attachment security - learn more in today's episode. Bethany Saltman and Sue Marriott discuss the Strange Situation, the original attachment research by Mary Ainsworth. They bring to life what it means and how to see it in everyday life.

This week, Jai and Deb continue their exploration of Attachment Theory, beginning with a deep dive into the now famous set of experiments known as the Strange Situation in which early attachment researchers observed what happens when mothers and their babies are introduced to strangers. This research is where the idea that people have either secure or insecure attachment styles originated.  In the second half of the show, Jai and Deb go beyond the Strange Situation to discuss a more current, and more nuanced, version of Attachment Theory, based on the pioneering work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld, which they have both found to be transformative to their parenting and their work with others.  Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Strange Situation (YouTube Video) Making Sense of Kids with Gordon Neufeld (YouTube Video) Unconditional Love - This American Life Podcast STAY CONNECTED WITH DEB & JAI: Like the Parenting 3.0 Podcast Facebook Page And find them on their websites: LifeWorks Learning Center and DebBlum.com The Parenting 3.0 Show is a weekly long-form discussion aimed at helping to make parenting more effective and enjoyable for parents and more beneficial for kids.

We knew we had to interview Dr. Elliott upon finding his book, Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Treatment for Comprehensive Repair(2016). It immediately became Sue’s current favorite read and that is saying a lot! We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions. In today’s episode you will hear about why attachment matters, background thoughts on insecurity and prevalence, brand new (to the US) and updated attachment research and then we mostly focus on how to apply all this knowledge with clients with attachment issues, and ourselves. Dr. Elliott introduces our audience to the 3 Pillars of Comprehensive Treatment: Ideal Parent Protocol, Metacognition and Fostering Collaborative Capacity. While he touches on them all, please download the 4 PDF attachments provided below, and start by reviewing the Overview. If for any reason you have trouble getting them, contact us and we will shoot them over to you! Dr David Elliott’s Bio: Dr. Elliott received his Ph.D. in Psychology in 1989 from Harvard University. His clinical training while at Harvard included externships at the Tufts University Counseling Center, the Outpatient Psychiatry Clinic of St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center in Brighton, Massachusetts, and a clinical psychology internship at McLean Hospital, the psychiatric teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School. He also completed a post-doctoral fellowship at McLean Hospital, where he worked on the Adolescent and Family Treatment Unit and at the hospital’s mental health outpatient clinic. He was licensed as a Psychologist in Massachusetts in 1990, and in Rhode Island in 1993. Recognizing from an early age that there are many dimensions to human experience, any and all of which can contribute to well-being or to difficulty, Dr. Elliott has maintained a commitment to learning and understanding the whole range of human possibility — from the deepest confusions and struggles of psychosis, to the patterns of personality that create personal and relational conflicts, to the development of the self in ways that promote both independence and intimacy, and to higher levels of growth that allow for flourishing and even a recognition of oneself as beyond the limits of the personal self. Four PDFs Overview of the Three Pillars Model of Attachment Treatment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) The Five Primary Conditions that Promote Secure Attachment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Levels of Metacognitive Skills (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Fostering Collaborative Capacity and Behavior (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Additional resources for this episode: Daniel Brown, co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults This is his current website, which focuses on his meditation and spiritual development activities. Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown andDavid Elliott  Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview Edited by Howard Steele and Mariam Steele Our favorite clinical reference for those that want to learn much more deeply about using the AAI to treat attachment and learn about its usefulness with various populations. Video of Strange Situation to familiarize yourself with Mary Ainsworth and later Mary Main’s phenomenal work. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! If you appreciate this work you can help it continue by becoming a Patron – ie. a super fan, or what we call Neuronerds. Get access to a private community, direct access to us and more content  Click here to sign up for as little as $5 a month. You can also help us by subscribing on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify or Podbean to name a few and by leaving a review so others can discove...

It's season two, and we're diving straight in. In this episode we cover the basics of Attachment Theory. How does the understanding of our own attachments (and the attachments of those around us) allow us to navigate our physical and spiritual relationships? Attachment Theory: a set of concepts that explain the emergence of an emotional bond between an infant and primary caregiver and the way in which this bond affects the child's behavioral and emotional development into adulthood. “The way we do anything is the way we do everything”  - Martha Beck More reading on Secure vs Insecure attachment: here ‘Molecular Man' Conan O'Brien Sketch: here Romanian Orphans Further reading: here  Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs: Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a description of the needs that motivate human behavior. In 1943, Abraham Maslow proposed five different kinds of human needs, beginning with the most basic: survival. Physiological needs, such as food and shelter, are followed by needs related to safety. Next, there are needs of love and belonging. Fourth, humans have needs of esteem, such as the need for being respected. The final need in the hierarchy is the need for self-actualization (fulfilling one's potential). The hierarchy suggests that basic needs must be met prior to less basic needs; for example, a starving person will seek food before self-actualization Further reading on Kegan's Constructive Developmental Theory Further reading on the psychologist; John Bowlby: here Emotionally Healthy Spirituality - Book This Cultural Moment - Podcast  Further reading on Freudian Theory: here The Strange Situation, further reading Daniel Tiger: Grown-Ups Come Back (Daniel Tiger School Of Parenting) How We Love - Book Changes That Heal - Henry Cloud

IN THIS EPISODE: Organizing The Disorganized: Understanding The Elusive Attachment Category Show Notes Disorganized attachment states of mind happen to us all. We temporarily get lost in a jumble and it’s difficult to track what is happening… but for some this is a more serious concern that can reflect much of how we feel much of the time. By popular request, we begin to unravel the last attachment category and update current thinking that includes those who have unresolved trauma, loss or have had caregivers who were frightening. Disorganized Attachment In this episode, Sue Marriott, Patty Olwell and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss this oft-overlooked fourth category; disorganized attachment and how it affects our adult lives. We go over it’s development and move to our current thinking on what it includes. We’ll talk about how attachment is formed as a survival skill and how loss, trauma and frightening caregivers transport individuals to disorganized spaces. Towards the end you’ll learn how relationships can provide safety and security in neurobiological terms, and how you can affect change for yourself or a loved one. Timeline 0:00 -1:53 Intro 1:53 – 3:49 Quick review of attachment & underlying organized dynamics (Secure & Insecure) Insecure attachment (Insecure Preoccupied & Insecure Avoidant) 3:49 – 4:18 Data on attachment and historical figures (John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Mary Main) 4:18 – Attachment as biological imperative & cross cultural – everyone has an attachment system 4:59 Three distinct categories – The addition of the fourth distinct disorganized attachment category (The Strange Situation) 6:54 – The problem of disorganization in adults rather than children (update) – Applying data to real life individual people – Disorganization/attachment as a spectrum 7:59 – How can we begin to move towards the middle (secure) including the disorganized? 9:32 – Buckets instead of a category 10:19 – What does disorganized attachment look like in an adult? What does “unresolved” mean? Losing mentalization & context, disorganization in parents 11:59 – Frightening caregivers – Deborah Jacobvitz 12:51 – Moving unresolved into resolved space – Narrative coherence (resolved) Unresolved taking too much information forward so you can’t forget about the stress event or events bad (in the form of nightmares, intrusions, and pre-occupations) 15:03 Other side of unresolved – avoidance of incident/trauma 16:09 – Children with trauma don’t have narrative coherence – body remembers incident but it’s fragmented 17:09 = Clinicians that came in after Ainsworth Main and Bowlby – Patricia Crittenden (student of Ainsworth). Keeping the caregiver available. 20:09 – Finding an organized state balanced between thinking and feeling 21:00 – What to do in order to heal (developing trust is key to healing) 22:00 – Biology of attachment 23:00 – Free Online Course on Modern Adult Attachment coming soon, along with others that will include Advanced Studies – join the waiting list for the free course at www.therapistuncensored.eventbrite.com 25:47 – Outro Therapist Uncensored Online Course – Reserve your spot now! In addition if you enjoyed this, we will be providing much more from a synthesis of the latest and greatest ideas out there for intervention, prevention and clinical work for those of us that didn’t come by secure relating in the old-fashioned way, from parents. For those that are having to work to earn it or who treat people with attachment insecurities, we have an online course coming up soon. Email us at info@therapistuncensored.com to reserve your slot and we will send you more details of the course as it unveils.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Patricia Crittendon and Andrea Landini: Assessing Adult Attachment A Dynamic-Maturational Approach to Discourse Analysis (2011) Book that updates the previous attachment literature specific to clinical p...

In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, Guest Dr. David Elliott presents the Three Pillars of treatment for attachment disruptions.  Besides background on why attachment matters and the prevalence of insecurity, we focus mostly on how to apply the science in trying to heal relational attachment injuries for our clients, or ourselves. Meeting David Elliott Dr. Elliott has had leadership roles in several professional organizations. He was President of the Rhode Island Psychological Association for a two-year term, during 2000 and 2001; and prior to that he was Chair of the Coalition of Mental Health Professionals of Rhode Island (COMHPRI), also for two years. Both organizations advocate for availability and access to high quality and affordable mental health services. Since 1998 Dr. Elliott has been on the faculty of and teaches annually at the International School for Psychotherapy, Counseling, and Group Leadership, in St. Petersburg, Russia. This three-year post-graduate program helps the therapists in training develop not only the professional skills necessary for effective therapy or leadership, but also the personal qualities that assure empathic, attuned, and ethically responsible professional activity. He is currently Chair of the International Advisory Board of the school. David Elliott is a clinician and consultant who works with trauma and co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Treatment for Comprehensive Repair(2016). Treating Attachment – today’s episode We knew we had to interview Dr. Elliott upon finding his book, Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Treatment for Comprehensive Repair(2016). It immediately became Sue’s current favorite read and that is saying a lot! We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions. Dr. Elliott introduces our audience to the 3 Pillars of Comprehensive Treatment: Ideal Parent Protocol, Metacognition and Fostering Collaborative Capacity. While he touches on them all, please download the 4 PDF attachments provided below, and start by reviewing the Overview. Four PDFs Overview of the Three Pillars Model of Attachment Treatment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) The Five Primary Conditions that Promote Secure Attachment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Levels of Metacognitive Skills (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Fostering Collaborative Capacity and Behavior (Brown & Elliott, 2016)   _______ It’s too late to attend, but just so ya know this happened…. We were so impressed with his work Therapist Uncensored brought Dr. Elliott to Austin Texas for the first live professional conference we’ve hosted spun directly off the podcast in March of 2018. It was co-hosted by Austin IN Connection, an incredible non-profit supporting the the dissemination of the attachment sciences. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Daniel Brown, co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults This is his current website, which focuses on his meditation and spiritual development activities. Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown andDavid Elliott  Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview Edited by Howard Steele and Mariam Steele Our favorite clinical reference for those that want to learn much more deeply about using the AAI to treat attachment and learn about its usefulness with various populations. Video of Strange Situation to familiarize yourself with Mary Ainsworth and later Mary Main’s phenomenal work. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! If you loved this podcast episode- then you will definitely want to check out our new course… Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has bee...