Podcasts about psychobiological approach

There is hope for your marriage after betrayal! In this episode, Kristin continues her interview with Stacey Smith, the Chief Clinical Officer of Daring Ventures. After sexual secrets are revealed, there must be a period of repair and amends where the betrayed partner's need for safety is the relational priority. But with humility, hard work, and deepening attunement over time, we can learn to build a new relationship rooted in secure attachment and better than it ever was before. You'll learn principles of secure functioning in marriage & how self protection sabotages connection with your spouse. Using principles of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, Stacey brings her expertise as both a CSAT & an APSATs trained clinician to this episode. Learn more about her at https://www.daringventures.com/stacey/  

In this continued conversation, Whitni, Ash, and Dawn explore the intricate dynamics of pleasure, intimacy, and emotional safety within queer relationships. They delve into the concept of flow state, emphasizing its importance in enhancing connection and intimacy. The discussion highlights the significance of understanding desire, whether responsive or spontaneous, and the necessity of communication and consent in fostering a satisfying sexual experience. The conversation culminates in the idea that pleasure is not only a personal journey but also a form of liberation, encouraging couples to embrace their desires and build secure, fulfilling relationships. Ash and Dawn Noble collided in 2020 when brought together by a shared trauma that completely rearranged their lives. As a result, they co-created a vision to build the safest relationship either of them have ever been in as they set out to become the cycle-breakers within their own family systems through the relationship they're building as a couple. With that shared vision, they founded Queer Couples Coaching, where they share the skills that are needed to build a safe & secure relationship through the PACT model, which is a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy, developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin. How to work with Ash & Dawn: https://linktr.ee/Queercouplescoaching Follow Ash & Dawn at: TikTok - @queercouplescoaching IG - @queercouplescoaching Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks TikTok - @bdemoves

There is hope for your marriage after betrayal! In this episode Kristin interviews Stacey Smith, the Chief Clinical Officer of Daring Ventures. After sexual secrets are revealed, there must be a period of repair and amends where the betrayed partner's need for safety is the relational priority. But with humility, hard work, and deepening attunement over time, we can learn to build a new relationship rooted in secure attachment and better than it ever was before. You'll learn principles of secure functioning in marriage & how self protection sabotages connection with your spouse. Using principles of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, Stacey brings her expertise as both a CSAT & an APSATs trained clinician to this episode. Learn more about her at https://www.daringventures.com/stacey/  

In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', Whitni engages with queer couples experts Ash and Dawn Noble to explore the intricate relationship between emotional safety and sexual intimacy in queer relationships. They discuss the importance of curiosity, vulnerability, and communication in fostering deeper connections, as well as the challenges posed by societal norms and assumptions. The conversation highlights the significance of daily rituals, aftercare, and the messiness of relationships, ultimately emphasizing that security in a relationship can lead to greater exploration and fulfillment in the bedroom. Ash and Dawn Noble collided in 2020 when brought together by a shared trauma that completely rearranged their lives. As a result, they co-created a vision to build the safest relationship either of them have ever been in as they set out to become the cycle-breakers within their own family systems through the relationship they're building as a couple. With that shared vision, they founded Queer Couples Coaching, where they share the skills that are needed to build a safe & secure relationship through the PACT model, which is a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy, developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin. How to work with Ash & Dawn:https://linktr.ee/Queercouplescoaching Follow Ash & Dawn at: TikTok - @queercouplescoaching IG - @queercouplescoaching Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks TikTok - @bdemoves

 Would you like to have better communication with your partner? Are you having challenges in your relationship? Why is it so hard to connect? Today Lisa talks with Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT. Stan is a well-respected teacher, clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He is a noted expert on human behavior and couple relationships.   In today's interview, Stan shares communication tips and tricks and explains the importance of non-verbal cues and body-language, whether with your partner, friends, or in a business setting. He also discusses online dating, character issues, texting, and implications of social media.   Stan speaks and teaches worldwide on functional relationships – how to understand them, create them, and support them. He is the author of the completely updated and revised book, “Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.” Info: thepactinstitute.com. 

In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', host Whitni Miller engages with Ash and Dawna Noble, founders of Queer Couples Academy, to explore the intricacies of queer intimacy and relationship dynamics. They discuss the PACT model of therapy, the importance of understanding attachment styles, and how vulnerability plays a crucial role in building secure connections. The conversation delves into the impact of technology on relationships, the difference between interdependence and codependency, and the significance of aftercare and open communication in maintaining healthy partnerships. Through their insights, Ash and Dawna emphasize the importance of co-regulation and navigating power dynamics to foster a safe and nurturing environment for love and connection. In this conversation, Whitni and the Nobles explore the complexities of queer and straight relationships, focusing on the dynamics of roles, expectations, and communication. They discuss the high stakes involved in queer relationships, the importance of emotional space, and the need for effective conflict resolution. The conversation also delves into attachment styles, trauma healing, and the significance of creating safety and trust within relationships. They emphasize the hope for change and the potential for growth in all couples, regardless of their backgrounds. Ash and Dawn Noble collided in 2020 when brought together by a shared trauma that completely rearranged their lives. As a result, they co-created a vision to build the safest relationship either of them have ever been in as they set out to become the cycle-breakers within their own family systems through the relationship they're building as a couple. With that shared vision, they've launched Queer Couples Academy, where they share the skills that are needed to build a safe & secure relationship through the PACT model, which is a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin. Learn More From Dawna & Ash Noble: TIKTOK - @queercouplesacademy IG - @ashanddawnnoble Queer Love Essentials: Pre-Sale! - https://www.queerrelationshipcoaching.com/QLE-Pre-Sale Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: TikTok - @bdemoves IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that felt like a constant battle, where every disagreement escalated into a full-blown war? Or perhaps you've experienced the opposite, a partnership so secure and harmonious that it seemed to defy the odds? What if the key to creating a lasting, fulfilling relationship lies in this podcast?In this episode, Dr Scott is joined by Dr. Stan Tatkin, a pioneer in the field of couples therapy and the developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). With a deep understanding of attachment theory, neuroscience, and interpersonal neurobiology, Dr. Tatkin has dedicated his career to helping couples build secure, resilient relationships that withstand the test of time.Together, they delve into the intricate dance between our brains and our bonds, exploring how our early experiences shape our attachment styles and how those styles manifest in our adult relationships. They will uncover the neuroscientific underpinnings of secure functioning, discussing the importance of honesty, fairness, and mutual support in creating a strong partnership.But it's not just about theory; Dr. Tatkin will share practical strategies for finding an ideal partner, navigating differences, and tolerating the inevitable pain and discomfort that come with any long-term commitment. They will discuss the role of transparency, setting up guardrails, and creating a shared vision for the future – all essential elements in building a relationship that not only survives but thrives.Whether you're in a committed partnership, navigating the dating world, or simply seeking to understand the complexities of human connection, this episode promises to be a transformative exploration of the neuroscience behind secure relationships. Topics We Break Down: How couples are the only democratic union to come together without a shared vision.Why it's vital to build relationships on the same foundation, and how to go about it.Helpful tips for setting up guardrails in relationships. How to identify your ideal partner. The impermanence of attraction, and the difference between love and compatibility.Dissecting the roles of society and basic human nature in problematic relationships.How it's always possible to work through deficits and gain new relationship skills.

“Our anger is “I'm angry because something happened that I feel was unjust or unfair” And if it continues, then I want my justice and you know, our injustices from childhood turn out to be society's burdens because I want payback here, even though you had nothing to do with it. So, hate and love go together because they're both strongly bonding connection, right? But really bond us in order to hate you, I've got to feel a lot about you, right? You did something to betray me, to violate me, to say, no, I can't do this, whatever it is. And so both are really strongly bonded, you know, just like anger is bonding. When we're angry with each other, it's a way to stay bonded and connected, even though it's unpleasant.” So says Stan Tatkin, an author, therapist, and researcher who guides couples toward more durable relationships. He developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), a non-linear approach that explores attachment theory to help couples adopt secure-functioning principles: In short, Stan and his wife, Tracey, train therapists to work through a psychobiological lens. Often, our brains get away from us when we're in conflict in our relationships—we lose ourselves to our instincts. He has trained thousands of therapists to integrate PACT into their clinical practice, offers intensive counseling sessions, and co-leads couples retreats with his wife. Tatkin is also an assistant clinical professor at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA.  Stan wrote Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship more than a decade ago and it became an instant classic. It was due for a refresh to encompass the wider range of relationships we're now experiencing and it's just been re-issued, better than ever. In today's conversation we talk about the table stakes of a good relationship: Nobody cares about your survival more than your partner, something we easily forget. As it were, we get into a fascinating sidebar on Pre-Nuptial Agreements, which in Stan's estimation cause many relationships to founder. I'll let him tell you why. MORE FROM STAN TATKIN: Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship In Each Other's Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them We Do Wired for Dating Stan Tatkin's Website Follow Stan on Instagram To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you've been ghosted in a long-term relationship or want to learn more about ghosting and dating, this episode is for you. Gretta is joined by Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, a clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). Dr. Tatkin speaks and teaches worldwide on how to understand, create, and sustain secure-functioning relationships. He's authored six bestselling books and has trained thousands of therapists.In this show, Dr. Tatkin shares his views on:-  What to do if you've been ghosted in a long-term relationship- Attachment and distancing behaviors - How to communicate with children who've been impacted by the sudden disappearance of an adult in their life- How to build healthy new romantic connectionsAnd so much more! This show's a must for anyone who's been ghosted in love or is looking for a new romance.Connect with Dr. Tatkin:The PACT InstituteNew! Wired For Love: Fully Revised and Updated Second EditionInstagramConnect With Gretta:Free Guide: What to Say To Your GhostCoaching With GrettaTake Your Power Back WorkshopFree and Private Facebook Support Group |  Instagram | copingwithghosting.comBetterHelp:Go to https://betterhelp.com/copingwithghosting for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help #sponsoredMusic: "Ghosted" by Gustavo ZaiahDisclaimer:  This information is designed to mentor and guide you to cope with Ghosting by cultivating a positive mindset and implementing self-care practices. It is for educational purposes only; it solely provides self-help tools for your use. Coping With Ghosting is not providing health care or psychological therapy services and is not diagnosing or treating any physical or mental ailment of the mind or body. The content is not a substitute for therapy or any advice given by a licensed psychologist or other licensed or other registered professionals. Are you ready to move forward after being ghosted? Are you tired of worrying, stressing, and struggling to find answers? If you want to regain control of your thoughts and feel more at peace, there's a solution for you. For less than the cost of one coaching session, you can download the new Take Your Power Back Workshop. In it, Gretta and Coach Estee K. will help you better understand why ghosting happens, ways to feel better now, and actionable steps to take your power back. Your purchase will help support this podcast, so it's a win-win! Note to All Listeners: Ghosting is defined as: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication (Oxford Languages).When you leave an abusive situation without saying "goodbye," it's not ghosting, it's "self-protection." When you quietly exit a relationship after a boundary has been violated, it's not ghosting, it's "self-respect."

Attachment specialist and couples expert Stan joins me to talk adult pair bonding, why we war, the threat system, waves vs islands, secure vs insecure attachment, how to assess yourself, abandonment and rejection, being needy, cultural factors, what to do with your partner's attachment style, how to raise secure children and the polarisation in the world. A hugely important one if you have humans in your life. More information about Stan Tatkin - https://www.thepactinstitute.com/  ----------------------------------- Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT is a teacher, clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). Beloved by colleagues and clients alike, Stan is an expert on human behavior and couple relationships. He speaks and teaches around the world on secure-functioning relationships – how to understand them, create them, and support them. ----------------------------------- Want to become a certified embodiment coach? More details about CEC – https://embodimentunlimited.com/cec/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=cec Join Mark for in-person workshops – https://embodimentunlimited.com/events-calendar/?utm_source=TEP&utm_medium=Description&utm_campaign=Events Join free coaching demos sessions with Mark – https://embodimentunlimited.com/free-coaching-with-mark/?utm_source=TEP&utm_medium=Description&utm_campaign=Demo Find Mark Walsh on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/warkmalsh/

 Dr. Stan Tatkin, is a PsyD, MFT, clinician, researcher, developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT), and best-selling author of the relationship must have book, Wired for Love (second edition out June 2024), which is the complete “insider's guide” to understanding your partner's brain, sparking lasting connection, and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust—now with more than 170,000 copies sold. His work has been endorsed by Gwyneth Paltrow, Alanis Morrisette, Mark Groves, Scott Steindorff, among others.    He speaks and teaches around the world on how to understand, create and sustain secure-functioning relationships and more than 1.7 million people have tuned in to Dr. Tatkin's TEDx talk. He's authored six bestselling books, and trained thousands of therapists around the world.    Dr. Tatkin has been featured in hundreds of media outlets including TIME, Mindbodygreen, KATU, PIX11, The Knot, and more.   Dr. Tatkin is available to discuss a diverse range of topics such as:  How to keep your relationship full of love, intimacy and spice - for new relationships and those married forever!  Creating Your Couple Bubble: Ways to create a strong foundation for this ecosystem for partners.   Learning to Fight Better: How to fight while remaining on the same team and keeping things fair, just, and collaborative.   How to Achieve and Maintain Relationship Equanimity: Would you fall on the sword for your relationship?   Creating Joyful Rituals: How rituals can empower a relationship.   Brain Hacks for Better Relationships: How well do you know your partner's brain?   Marriage Training vs Marriage Therapy: How to set up your marriage for success and develop resilient relationships.    More on Dr. Tatkin   Dr. Tatkin and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, created the PACT Institute in 2010 to train mental health professionals to successfully integrate a psychobiological approach in their clinical practices. They appreciate his depth of understanding – of both the scientific research and the human condition – and how he integrates that wisdom to form the foundation of the comprehensive principles and methodologies he teaches. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists CA honored Stan with the Educator of the Year award in 2014.    Dr. Tatkin helps couples create healthy attachments and secure-functioning relationships based on fairness, justice, and sensitivity. In addition to his robust clinical practice in Calabasas, California, Dr. Tatkin and Tracey lead couples through Wired For Love Couple Retreats -- both online and in person across the United States and Europe.     Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a founding member on Relationships First, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt.     Any feedback or questions hit us up; Jamie@360yourself.co.uk community@360yourself.co.uk

Welcome back to "Normalize the Conversation." Today we're diving deep into the world of relationships, love, and secure functioning. How can we create a partnership that is built on teamwork, fairness, and kindness? Joining us is a true expert in the field, the best-selling author of six books and the mastermind behind the Psychobiological Approach to Couple's Therapy (PACT), Dr. Stan Tatkin. Dr. Stan Tatkin is a renowned figure in the realm of relationships and couples therapy. His groundbreaking work has transformed countless relationships, offering a path to a more secure and fulfilling connection with your partner. In this enlightening episode, Dr. Tatkin takes us on a journey to understand, create, and sustain secure-functioning relationships. He shares key insights and practical advice, shedding light on the path to lasting love and connection: - Dr. Tatkin explains the science behind love and attachment, providing a foundation for understanding how we relate to one another. Learn how our brains are wired for connection and how we can use this knowledge to enhance our relationships. - Effective communication is at the core of secure functioning. Discover valuable techniques and strategies for improving the way you and your partner communicate, ensuring that both of your voices are heard and understood. - Shifting from "I" to "We": Dr. Tatkin emphasizes the importance of teamwork in a secure-functioning relationship. Find out how to transition from an individual mindset to a collaborative one, where both partners prioritize the well-being of the relationship. - The 10 Relationship Commandments: Delve into the ten essential principles that can guide you on the path to a secure-functioning relationship. These commandments provide a roadmap for building a partnership that is rooted in fairness, kindness, and mutual support. Join us as we explore the fascinating world of secure-functioning relationships with Dr. Stan Tatkin. Whether you're in a long-term partnership or seeking to enhance your future connections, the insights and wisdom shared in this episode will empower you to cultivate love and understanding in your relationships. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/normalizetheconversation/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/normalizetheconversation/support

In this episode, I welcome back the brilliant Dr. Stan Tatkin to the show. This time, we're talking about parenting, especially from the lens of being new parents. Dr. Tatkin co-authored the book Baby Bomb, which dives deep into the nuances of new parenting and the effects it has on the couple's relationship dynamic. Couples are often unprepared for the challenges of parenthood and lack a solid foundation in their relationship. Dr. Tatkin covers topics like disagreements in parenting style, embracing the change in sexual dynamics, and how to master communication and connection. Whether you've got a babe on the way, are a new parent, or are interested in learning how to parent better - this episode is a MUST listen! Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT is a clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He is the best-selling author of In Each Other's Care (4/25), along with the relationship must-have book, Wired for Love. Dr. Tatkin speaks and teaches around the world on how to understand, create and sustain secure-functioning relationships. He helps couples create healthy attachments and secure-functioning relationships based on fairness, justice, and sensitivity. In addition to his robust clinical practice in Calabasas, California, Dr. Tatkin and Tracey lead couples through Wired For Love Couple Retreats -- both online and in person across the United States and Europe.    —Dr. Tatkin's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drstantatkin/ —The PACT Institute Website: https://www.thepactinstitute.com/ Themes: Authenticity, Belonging, Parenting, New Parents, Relationships, Boundaries, Attachment Theory, Transformation, Conflict, Mental Health, Psychology 0:00:00 Intro 0:10:57 Co-regulating Practices for Improved Communication and Connection 0:14:16 Challenges in Modern Times: Distractions, Isolation, and Lack of Support 0:16:41 Fighting for Two Winners: The Concept of Win-Win in Relationships 0:19:07 Navigating Disagreements in Parenting Styles 0:21:12 Parenting: Collaborative and ever-evolving 0:23:11 Taking charge of parenting, creating something entirely different 0:27:00 Understanding intimacy and embracing change in sexual dynamics 0:29:02 Growing up, accepting losses, and deepening intimacy in relationships 0:30:57 Embracing the opportunity to become a better couple through parenting 0:33:25 Profound Insights on Communication Struggles and Self-awareness 0:35:23 The Humaneness of Communication: An Opportunity for Growth This episode is sponsored by: —BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/GROVES —SafeSleeve: Use code GROVES10 for 10% off sitewide at safesleevecases.com Drop us a note at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, guest suggestions, or just to say hello! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Stan Tatkin is a clinician, teacher and author who has integrated neuroscience, attachment therapy and current therapies and is a developer, along with his wife, of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) which is taught through their institute to train other psychotherapists in this methodology. Matthew Brickman speaks to Dr. Tatkin about his new book and his unique approach to couple's therapy as it pertains to conflict resolution.If you have a matter, disagreement, or dispute you need professional help with then visit iMediate.com - Email mbrickman@ichatmediation or Call (877) 822-1479Matthew Brickman is a Florida Supreme Court certified family and appellate mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. But what makes him qualified to speak on the subject of conflict resolution is his own personal experience with divorce.Download Matthew's book on iTunes for FREE:You're Not the Only One - The Agony of Divorce: The Joy of Peaceful ResolutionMatthew Brickman President iMediate Inc. Mediator 20836CFAiMediateInc.comSCHEDULE YOUR MEDIATION: https://ichatmediation.com/calendar/OFFICIAL BLOG: https://ichatmediation.com/podcastOFFICIAL YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/ichatmediationOFFICIAL LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ichat-mediation/ABOUT MATTHEW BRICKMAN:Matthew Brickman is a Supreme Court of Florida certified county civil family mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. He is also an appellate certified mediator who mediates a variety of small claims, civil, and family cases. Mr. Brickman recently graduated both the Harvard Business School Negotiation Mastery Program and the Negotiation Master Class at Harvard Law School.

https://www.paypal.me/Truelifepodcast?locale.x=en_USI embarked on a personal journey of growth and healing from the psychological and existential wounds of war from my past military service. Along the way, I was coached and guided in discovering many tools for more holistic health, as well as creating existential meaning to help deal with the suffering I encountered. I now work to pass these tools of healing and growth on to others.As a mental health counselor in private practice, I strive to provide counseling for those in my community who otherwise struggle to access mental health services. My focus is on helping my clients heal from past trauma, create meaning in their current circumstances, and find hope for their future.I also love working with and helping couples strengthen their relationship and am certified Level 2 in the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT).http://linkedin.com/in/richard-drew-snyder-273738bbhttps://www.mokshajourneys.com/ https://www.paypal.me/Truelifepodcast?locale.x=en_US

Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, and developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. In this episode, Dr. Stan discusses the 5 things that break a relationship apart, how to recover from a betrayal, and how to live a pro-relationship life.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] How do you recover from a betrayal?  [6:00] In a society, we are forced to grow up for the betterment of our tribe.  [7:25] What do couples complain the most about?  [11:25] People will commit the same mistakes over and over because they don't understand the internal errors that they're making.  [15:25] What happens if you're stuck in a relationship ‘role' that you don't like?  [18:20] What does it mean to be pro-relationship? [20:35] Your attachment needs are not rooted in love. Dr. Stan explains why.  [26:00] Want to know more about Dr. Stan? Link in the show notes!    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss Thepactinstitute.com In Each Other's Care by Dr. Stan Tatkin   QUOTES: “There are cultures where it's emphatically insistent and people do grow up because the culture demands that you operate with each other.” “We do the same things that mess up relationships, no matter what kind of relationships they are, and we always will if we don't understand our nature.” “Everything I am talking about is inline with being selfish. Being pro-relationship is being pro-self. They are one and the same.”

Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, and developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. In this episode, Dr. Stan discusses what really is the glue that keeps relationships together, why they are so messy, and how you can better define it with the person you love.    TAKEAWAYS: [3:50] Let's talk about conflict in a relationship.  [5:05] What do people actually view as ‘important'?  [7:05] People have the ability to ‘make things up', so it's important that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to a relationship.  [9:25] Someone might be something you've always wanted, but they're also going to be a lot of things that ‘you don't want'. It's important to navigate through that.  [11:20] There has to be a reason why two people join together and it has to be for more than just love.  [18:50] How can you move through a relationship consciously?  [23:00] When you're in the middle of conflict, how do you resolve it or go through it in a healthy way?  [28:35] Sometimes, you need to fall on your sword so that you and your partner can find a way to communicate again. It's a team sport.  [32:40] Like with everything, good conflict resolution is a skill that anybody can learn. As you learn, you'll make mistakes, you won't be perfect, but you will get better at it.  [33:30] How do you have agreement when there's been a betrayal?    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss Thepactinstitute.com In Each Other's Care by Dr. Stan Tatkin   QUOTES: “Conflict is a very human thing. If you're a human primate, you're going to get into conflict.” “In a relationship that we are creating, we have to define it. We have to make sure that we are creating the same picture in our heads.” “Love and attraction wanes. A lot goes. But we're still accountable if we're going to play fair and work together.”

Today, Diana hosts Robyn Brickel, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist boasting over 25 years of experience. During this episode, she will discuss the true nature of trauma and dispel any misconceptions surrounding it. Furthermore, she will delve into her three-stage trauma model, encompassing safety, stabilization, and addressing the root cause. This episode promises valuable insights into treatment methods, the dispelling of stigmas and myths, and the recognition of the significance of emotions. If you or someone you know is grappling with trauma, this is an essential listen to glean knowledge from Robyn's wealth of experience.   IN THIS EPISODE:   [01:21] Robyn defines trauma and how that can vary from person to person [02:33] Robyn describes how trauma presents itself and how she works with trauma victims  [06:30] Robyn states trauma affects the entire family, and there is a mind-body connection  [09:37] Robyn's take on personality disorders and how we all cope. Concept of building tolerance [13:04] Addressing myths like “bad things don't happen to wealthy people” and “lift yourself up by your bootstraps” [16:56] Case studies that Robyn shares and techniques that she uses   KEY TAKEAWAYS:   Trauma and its effects can happen to good people. Family members and friends need to be understanding. Trauma can affect all socioeconomic levels, all religions, and all races. Sometimes the terms people want to assign to trauma can harm the victim.   RESOURCES:   Beyond the Balance Sheet Website   Brickel and Associates LLC   Robyn E Brickel MA, LMFT, LLC | Alexandria VA   Brickel & Associates (@brickelandassociates) • Instagram photos and videos   Robyn Brickel (@RobynBrickel) / Twitter   Robyn Brickel - LinkedIn   BIOGRAPHY: Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 25+ years of experience providing psychotherapy. She is the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC, in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to treating individuals (adolescents and adults), couples, and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms, such as self-harm, eating disorders, and addictions. She also approaches the treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens. Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand trauma's impact on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of postgraduate trauma and addiction education. She is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a Certified Senior Facilitator, Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST), trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist, and a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Robyn utilizes all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work, to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge daily about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma's impact on perinatal distress. 

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT is a teacher, clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He speaks and teaches around the world on secure-functioning relationships – how to understand them, create them, and support them, has written dozens of academic articles and six bestselling books, and is a TEDx Speaker.  We sat down with Stan to explore: 1. Why it is so important for couples to come to a shared agreement about what they are attempting to build  2. The importance of a couple being differentiated before attempting to find a sense of  secure functioning  3. The preparation required for couples when shifting from a dyad to a triad in a family system  4. Why commuting to another person gives us an opportunity to know ourselves well through the activations that inevitable come to the surface  Connect with Stan: *** Instagram  *** Website If you love the conversations we're bringing you as much as we do, please rate and write a review of the podcast so we can get the podcast out to even more people! And, if you want to connect with us personally and deepen your work, we just launched our private online Cheaper Than Therapy Community. Weekly process groups on multiple topics, two live workshops a month, one on one interaction with us and an amazing supportive community. Learn more here We are so excited to announce that we've decided to offer a weekend immersive weekend in IDYLLWILD, CA - July 14-16!  join us for: LIVING AN UNTAMED LIFE During this intensive weekend, we'll support you in: ⁃ Exploring the origin points of the limiting beliefs that may be holding you back  ⁃ Understanding how to begin to step into the process of trusting ourselves fully ⁃ Cultivating tangible tools for shifting into a growth mindset and building a greater sense of self-awareness   ⁃ Crafting a vision of what you want your life to look like and practices that can support you in being the creator of this reality Spots will be limited! Click here for details ------------------------------ This podcast is, for sure, Cheaper Than Therapy.   Follow Cheaper Than Therapy on Instagram   Follow Vanessa Instagram TikTok YouTube   Follow Dené Instagram TikTok ----------------------------- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by the one & only Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT. Stan is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of PACT (a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), as well as being a prolific author of several best-selling books such as Wired for Love and most recently, In Each Other's Care. In this episode, Stan joins me to chat with me about how we can experience conflict within relationships in a safe way and really build secure foundations in our relationships. We'll cover:Launching into self-protecting patternsHow regret can be a powerful teacherUnderstanding the couple bubbleAccepting each other as who they areBeing responsible for our partnerUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Further Links & Resources Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind Download the free guide: Attachment 101 Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website

Love isn't the glue. Love is not enough. Attachment biology is the glue that we confuse with love. Purpose is what keeps us going and keeps us together over time happily. What is our purpose at any given moment? Is it shared or is it just mine? You and I have to create consensus so that we find always where we agree and where we're the same, and not simply go for the low hanging fruit which is where we disagree and where we're different. Consensus builders know how to do this. I want apples and you want bananas, we fight. It didn't occur to one of us to suggest: But do we both want fruit? This could be arranged. - Dr. Stan Tatkin Live Life Well from Sunrise to Sunset Save 20% with code "WELLNESSFORCE" on everyone's favorite Superfoods brand, ORGANIFI, including their Sunrise to Sunset Bundle and their Women's Power Stack that includes HARMONY + GLOW for true hormonal balance and great health radiating through your beautiful skin. Click HERE to order your Organifi today. Are You Stressed Out Lately? Take a deep breath with the M21™ wellness guide: a simple yet powerful 21 minute morning system that melts stress and gives you more energy through 6 science-backed practices and breathwork. Click HERE to download for free. Is Your Energy Low? Looking for a cleaner brain fuel? Just one daily serving of Ketone-IQ™️ will help you feel sharper, more focused, and ready to take on the day. Click HERE to try HVMN's Ketone-IQ™ + Save 20% with the code "JOSH" *Review The WF Podcast & WIN $150 in wellness prizes! *Join The Facebook Group Wellness + Wisdom Episode 548 Dr. Stan Tatkin, a best-selling author and developer of a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), joins Josh Trent on the Wellness + Wisdom podcast episode 548 to talk about the challenges people face in romantic relationships, attachment styles, and why love isn't enough. What is the glue that holds two people together in a romantic relationship? In this episode, you will learn what makes us feel threatened by our partners, how insecure attachment styles can be handled together with our partners, and why we pick the people in our lives based on our memory. Listen To Episode 548 As Dr. Stan Tatkin Uncovers: [01:30] Wired for Love Stan Tatkin Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin Sauna Space - 10% off Why relationships don't actually exist except in our head. Relationships Are Hard, But Why? | Stan Tatkin | TEDxKC Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman Brain ambassadors and brain primitives. [09:20] Attachment Styles in Relationships Why we can feel threatened by our partner. Prefrontal cortex and empathy. Why attachment system is a biological mandate and can be confused for love. New patterns can't be created in a state of threat. How insecure attachment style can be handled together with our partner. Why secure attachment style can fluctuate to other attachment styles. The difference between secure functioning and secure attachment [27:15] Love Is Not Enough How relationships make us grow up. Interdependency, dependency, and codependency. How the threat system starts to show up in a relationship. Unpacking why we need principles to be able to hold each other accountable. Why we need to think ahead and not be naive. How you can protect the union between you and your partner by creating peace. Why we're naturally xenophobic. The reason why we need a shared purpose. Acting out on our xenophobia and why we should stop denying it. [49:30] The Challenges of Romantic Relationships How our survival instinct takes control over us in situations that are seemingly not life-threatening. Our fear changes our outward behavior to look threatening. Why we pick the people in our lives based on our memory. What attracts us to another person tends to end up being what we'll have an issue with. How we protect our own interest by directing our sense of disturbance outward. [01:05:00] The Problem with The Human Condition Funhouse mirrors in our relationships. Why we're never fully on the same page with our partner. How we shape our memory by adding non-experience elements into it. Memory drives state, state drives memory, and state of mind alters perception. 481 Scott Jackson | Rewire Yourself: How To Create A Life You Love With Freedom From Subconscious Sabotage Observing micro-expressions to recognize if someone is telling the truth. In Each Other's Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them by Stan Tatkin Why attachment is not the main problem but the human condition is. Power Quotes From The Show Confusing Attachment for Love "The attachment system, as I see it, is a biological mandate that says "I can't quit you." We confuse it for love. The attachment system is nature's glue that holds us together and we think it's love but it's actually a very primitive existential threat, going all the way back to infancy that losing our primary attachment relationship feels like death." - Dr. Stan Tatkin Relationships Only Exist in Our Heads "Relationships actually don't exist, except in our heads. It's an abstraction. A relationship is something you and I create from scratch. You can't take a picture of it, you can only take a picture of people. It isn't relationships that's so difficult. It's human primates. They're difficult creatures; war-like, impulsive, aggressive, self-centered, selfish, moody, fickle, xenophobic, and easily influenced by groups." - Dr. Stan Tatkin Mutual Respect + Social Contracts "I can't screw you without screwing myself. Anything I do to you is going to happen to me. That's why it's a two-people psychological system. Two individuals are two generals, two bosses that have to respect each other, and be formal enough to respect each other, but they have a pact or several pacts, social contracts, to ensure that they behave in a way that's fair justice and collaborative and cooperative at all times." - Dr. Stan Tatkin Links From Today's Show  Stan Tatkin Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin Sauna Space - 10% off Relationships Are Hard, But Why? | Stan Tatkin | TEDxKC Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman 481 Scott Jackson | Rewire Yourself: How To Create A Life You Love With Freedom From Subconscious Sabotage In Each Other's Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them by Stan Tatkin Shop the Wellness Force Media Store Organifi – Special 20% off to our listeners with the code ‘WELLNESSFORCE' breathwork.io SEED - Save 35% with the code "JOSH" BON CHARGE - Save 15% with the code "JOSH15" MANNA Vitality - Save 20% with the code "JOSH20" Mendi.io - Save 20% with the code "JOSH20" SpectraSculpt - Save 15% with "JOSH15" SaunaSpace - 10% off using code "JOSH10" Cured Nutrition CBD - Save 20% with the CODE "WELLNESSFORCE" PLUNGE – Save $150 with the code “WELLNESSFORCE" LiftMode - Save 10% with the code "JOSH10" HVMN - Get 20% off your Ketone IQ order with the code "JOSH" MitoZen – Save 10% with the code “WELLNESSFORCE” Paleovalley – Save 15% on your ACV Complex with the code ‘JOSH' NOOTOPIA - Save 10% with the code "JOSH10" ActivationProducts – Save 20% with the code “WELLNESSFORCE” NEUVANA - Save 15% with the code “WELLNESSFORCE” SENSATE - Save $25 on your order with the code "JOSH25" DRY FARM WINES - Get an extra bottle of Pure Natural Wine with your order for just 1¢ ION - Save 15% off sitewide with the code ‘JOSH1KS' Feel Free from Botanic Tonics – Save 40% when you use the code ‘WELLNESS40′ Drink LMNT – Zero Sugar Hydration: Get your free LMNT Sample Pack, with any purchase BREATHE - Save 20% by using the code “PODCAST20” Essential Oil Wizardry: Save 10% with the code ‘WELLNESSFORCE' NEUROHACKER - Save 15% with the code "WELLNESSFORCE" ALIVE WATER - Save 33% on your first order with the code "JOSH33" M21 Wellness Guide Wellness + Wisdom Community Leave Wellness + Wisdom a review on Apple Podcasts Dr. Stan Tatkin Instagram Facebook Twitter About Dr. Stan Tatkin Dr. Stan Tatkin, is a distinguished author, renowned for his notable works including "Wired for Love" and "Your Brain on Love." Residing in Southern California, he actively practices as a clinician while imparting his expertise as a teacher at Kaiser Permanente and serving as an assistant clinical professor at UCLA. Recognized for his exceptional contributions, Stan Tatkin introduced the groundbreaking Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). Together with his spouse, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, he established the esteemed PACT Institute. PACT seamlessly integrates developmental neuroscience, attachment theory, and arousal regulation, rendering it a highly regarded method for addressing even the most complex relationship dynamics.    

Welcome to "Shit Talking Shrinks" - where two licensed therapists who have invested way too much money in degrees, certifications, and trainings share their love for their profession and sprinkle humor along the way!Dive into the captivating world of attachment styles in this must-watch episode featuring renowned therapist, author, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), Dr. Stan Tatkin! Uncover the importance of understanding attachment styles in relationships and how they impact our sense of safety and security.Discover the origins of attachment styles and how they're shaped by our upbringing, along with the reassurance that they can change over time with the right support. Learn how to analyze your own and your partner's attachment style, and enhance communication to work together towards a more secure attachment.Tune in to learn how to breakdown and understand your own and your partner's attachment style, so you can better communicate and work together towards building a more secure attachment. With Dr. Tatkin's valuable insights, you'll learn how to navigate the complexities of attachment styles and build happier and healthier relationships.To learn more about Dr. Stan Tatkin's work, visit https://www.thepactinstitute.com/Connect with Dr. Tatkin on social media via @drstantatkin#AttachmentStyles #MentalHealth #RelationshipGoals #StanTatkin #PACTInstitute #WiredForLove #SecureAttachment #FamilyCulture #SelfAwareness #healthyrelationshipsIf you want to work with me therapeutically and live in CO or ILhttps://www.courageouspathscounseling.comNeed quality therapy ASAP?! Receive 10% off your first month by clicking this link

Simply put, our primary relationships play a big part in how happy we are. Yet our brains are not really designed to be good at relationships; instead, our brains are designed for our survival and energy conservation.  So, although our brains are the most complicated structures in the known universe, they need training to be good in relationship. And, as anyone in relationship will tell you, they take work. And because those brains like to conserve energy, it's easy for us to fall asleep at the wheel while we're in them. It's no wonder we get into so much trouble in our relationships! I'm so grateful to the thought leaders who are at the forefront of couple counseling. If I had to choose a superhero team of the biggest contributors to improving relationships, without question, this episode's guest would be one of them. This will be my second interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin, and if I have my way, there will be more! Stan has trained hundreds, if not thousands of therapists in his Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy model which has improved the lives of countless people on our planet.  Stan's latest book, In Each Other's Care, just came out and it is awesome. To quote relationship expert and SuperPsyched guest, Terry Real, “Stan reminds us that taking care of one another, of our union, is taking care of ourselves.”  So, listen in as Stan explains why and how to be in each other's care. Book Link: https://tinyurl.com/5n792fy5

“One thing my work has taught me is how human interaction is a comedy of errors. People are making so many errors without knowing it. I think I'm making sense to you, but I'm not. I think I'm being clear, but I'm not. I think I understand you, but I don't. I think I heard you, but I didn't. I think when you raise your chin, you're looking at me defiantly or someone else, arrogantly or someone else, like you know, looking down at your nose. But maybe you don't think that, you're just lifting your chin because you naturally do it. Lifting of the chin, by the way, is a skeletal feature of when our heart rates go up and we start moving towards higher arousal, we'll elongate our neck and our back and we'll lift the chin sometimes. So often it means nothing but optically, to the other person, it doesn't look so good. Just like looking at scans doesn't look so good, or, you know, looking away for too long, or staring too much. All of these things are subjective and for one person, it doesn't bother them, for another person, it drives them crazy.” Stan Tatkin is an author, therapist, and researcher who guides couples toward more durable relationships. He developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), a non-linear approach that explores attachment theory to help couples adopt secure-functioning principles: In short, Stan and his wife, Tracey, train therapists to work through a psychobiological lens. Often, our brains get away from us in conflict—we lose ourselves to our instincts. He has trained thousands of therapists to integrate PACT into their clinical practice, offers intensive counseling sessions, and co-leads couples retreats with his wife. His latest book, In Each Other's Care, provides practical tools for couples struggling with recurring arguments. In our discussion, he explains how to identify and overcome triggers that lead to conflicts and improve communication to achieve better outcomes. Using the concept of secure functioning, Stan emphasizes the positive impact of healthier arguments. Though his solutions require effort and dedication, they have the power to benefit all aspects of your life. I should know—he has worked with me and Rob before, sessions that were honestly fascinating, for both of us.  MORE FROM STAN TATKIN: In Each Other's Care We Do Wired for Love Wired for Dating Stan Tatkin's Website Follow Stan on Instagram To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Robyn Brickel, M.A., LMFT  discusses Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  She defines CPTSD, outlines best practices for recovery, and examines how it is both similar and different to PSTD. Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 25+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (older adolescents and adults), couples and families.  She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms, such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions.  She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens. Robyn guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy.   She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified, Senior Facilitator for Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST), Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant.  Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge about the intricacies of treating complex trauma, trauma's impact on the person and body, including the impact on maternal mental health and perinatal distress, all to aide clients in healing and post traumatic growth. Read much more about Robyn on her website She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

Dr. Stan has been one of my favorite Authors on relationships for a while now, and my relationship has improved since implementing some of the tools he gives in his book Your Brain On Love. In this episode, we talked about his story getting into his work, how he thinks about relationships, and his view of what makes relationships last! Dr. Stan Tatkin is the developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). PACT is a polytheoretical, non-linear approach to dyadic systems that integrates developmental neuroscience, arousal regulation, and attachment theory. PACT has a reputation for effectively treating the most challenging couples.

Clinician, author, researcher, Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute. Dr Stan Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine. He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and the upcoming, In Each Other's Care.His upcoming book, Relationship Repair will be out in April 2023Wired for love online workshops: https://www.thepactinstitute.com/retreats/7 Days to better fights FREE email campaign: https://www.thepactinstitute.com/7-days-to-better-fights/TUNE IN00:00 - Intro03:42 - Stan's beginnings05:49 - The Psycho-biological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) approach to navigating relationships08:19 - Associating the feeling of safety with love11:04 - Humans are living longer - should we question the longevity that's demanded upon intimate relationships?15:43 - How to establish a purpose and vision as a couple19:50 - One partner wants kids and the other doesn't - a deal breaker?27:31 - Strategies to overcome stressful interactions: take time out or talk it through?36:17 - Your relationships are a mirror of you, how not to externalise problems37:36 - Is it toxic to put other person's interests before your own?47:23 - How to compromise49:49 - Domestic violence stems from when survival is threatened53:27 - Exploring monogamous, polygamous relationships56:42 - PACT Institute & new book In Each Other's CareLISTEN & SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCASTSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2HJCflVnHRDmvNtI8r2a65?si=692723d115ce4ef2/Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/inspired-evolution/id1272090974/CONNECT WITH Dr STAN TATKINWebsite: https://www.thepactinstitute.com/Facebook for Couples: https://www.facebook.com/drstantatkin/Facebook for Clinicians: https://www.facebook.com/PactTrainingInstitute/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drstantatkin/JOIN THE INSPIRED EVOLUTION COMMUNITYWebsite: https://www.inspiredevolution/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inspired_evolution/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/inspiredevolution/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/com/inspiredevolution/Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/inspiredevolution. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). He is the author and co-author of numerous best-selling books exploring individual and relationship wellness. Tatkin's work, based on a social-emotional capacity model, focuses on what partners can and cannot do to mitigate threat reactions during stressful interactive sequences. Tatkin is known for integrating various theories and models to form the foundation of the comprehensive principles and methodologies he teaches. As a result, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, California, honored Tatkin with the Educator of the Year award in 2014.Tarah and E.J. interview Dr. Stan Tatkin and explore his vast knowledge of the obstacles and pathways to a happy and healthy relationship. Dr. Tatkin shares insights and tools which help couples understand their struggles and create strategies to foster deep, loving and intimate connections. Full Episode TranscriptThe PACT InstituteRelationship Renovation at Home Online CourseSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations

Welcome back to The Human Nurture Podcast where we ask the question– “How does a couples therapist learn to do that??!” I'm your host Jason Brand, a couples therapist trained in PACT - a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy. Today, we are going to jump right into the second half of the first clinical interview with Charley and Yael.  This episode is great because Charley and Yael paint a vivid picture of how early history impacts future relationships. Listen for how they regulate each other as the history comes to the surface, how they encourage openness, protect each other and present me with areas where they feel like they need the help of couples therapy. That's all you need to know... Here we go...

Hello, and welcome to The Human Nurture Podcast. I'm Jason Brand a couples therapist from The City of Berkeley in The State of California and I'm your host. This season, we're asking the question– “How does a couples therapist learn to do that?!?” And we're doing it through long form interviews with actual couples and then feedback sessions where I sit down to talk about the couple with another PACT trained couples therapist (PACT stands for A Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy).  In this episode, we are breaking the seal on a new couple. Charley and Yael, and they're going to actually lead us out of Season 2.  Charley and Yael, it's hard to write their name without a smile.  You will hear from the first moment that they are a brave and trusting couple and so open to being helped. They are a young couple in their early thirties and they've come to do some braiding. What do I mean by braiding? Well, currently they've got some areas where things feel knotted up between them, it's hard to differentiate what belongs where. Our job is going to be integration. We're going to be trying to take all these different strands, make something more cohesive out of them and give Charley and Yael the tools to do this braiding as a team. A few things you need to know for this first interview. First, we recorded over zoom and it's during the height of the 2020 Shelter in Place in the middle of the COVID pandemic. Charley is actually my barber. Actually, he's not my barber anymore, however, he would still be my barber if he hadn't moved to a new shop. (He's a great barber.) Before this season of the podcast was recorded, while he was cutting my hair, I told Charley about my plan for the season. He showed some interest, he asked Yael and they agreed to participate. I had never met Yael before these interviews. A few things that you should listen for in this interview. First, is that this is a great example of therapeutic alliance and the things that flow from it when it is strong and positive. The second is how the session moves back and forth between examples of current day relationship challenges and early experiences with families of origin. Also, how hard I work (sometimes gracefully, sometimes not so much) to help them to remain on even footing when it comes to their current and past relationship, strengths and challenges.  So, I think that's what you need. I've got a bunch of interviews with Charlie and Yael and some really great consultant interviews coming up for you over the next few months. So settle in for the ride and… Off we go. 

In this episode, Stan, and Kara discuss their new co-authored book “Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents.” Many couples experience new challenges in their relationship after the birth of a new baby and need tools and support for navigating these common issues. They discuss “primitives” and “ambassadors” as terms for people in relationship, maintaining presence and attention during sex, and the importance of committing to shared values as a relationship buoy during the postpartum period where both parents, and especially the birthing partner, are pushed to new edges.    Bio Dr. Stan and Kara Hoppe, M.A. co-authored Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents. Baby Bomb is based on the premise that successful partnering is the first step for couples to become successful parents. Kara Hoppe has an M.A. in Clinical psychology, and is a feminist, mother, and teacher. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT is a teacher, clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). Stan has written dozens of academic articles and six bestselling books. What They Share  --Primitives vs. Ambassadors in relationships --Managing stress during the postpartum period --Nurturing relationship while nurturing baby --Sexual re-negotiations postpartum --Witnessing and tending to after a new baby   What You'll Hear --How a baby changes a relationship and maintaining it --”Primitives” run show when stress is present and operate on more primitive instincts --What keeps us behaving properly is a shared idea of why we do what we do --Tendencies under stress to act and react automatically instead of pausing and reflecting --Pro-self vs. pro-relationship --Primitive as lower-brain functions and ambassadors as part of brain that correct errors, predict, plan, mediate impulses and emotion --Helping couples create shared space where both people can be themselves with safety and security --Both partners push and agree to limits and boundaries --Acknowledging and starting dialogue when one is feeling neglected or disconnected --Nurturing couple relationships as priority along with parenting --Using inclusive language to mitigate difficult conversations in relationship --Stress and transition of new child on relationship --Working preventatively on relationships --Any physical contact is meaningful for a stressed relationship postpartum --Sex renegotiations in relationship after a child --Presence, attention, curiosity with the partner enhances love-making and relationship satisfaction --Grieving process of loss of two-person couplehood versus becoming parents --Readjust to reality of emotions, body, libido changing after a baby --Witnessing individual and partner developmental changes as one would with the baby --Libido as life force energy and emotional energy --Libidinal energy is a concern for parenting and in partnerships --First 18 months of development critical and consistent contact for right-brain --Equality can't mean sameness in postpartum; Birthing person needs more care postpartum --Partner offering care, comfort, and resources to birthing partner --Being okay with feeling vulnerable and being needy postpartum --Biologically mother regulates baby and partner regulates mother --Pair-bond to raise baby together with both parents --Attachment orientation differences in couples therapy --Gender stereotypes in sexual desire and couples therapy --”Bids” in postpartum where one seeks out connection from partner  --Purpose over feeling and principles that protect us from whimsy of our feelings --Importance of humility and acknowledging wrong-doing in partnerships and families --Relationships as practice   Resources Website: https://www.karahoppe.com/baby-bomb-book IG: @karahoppe @drstantatkin

A NOTE FROM JASON: Hi there, I'm Jason Brand, I'm a couples therapist out of Berkeley, California and this is the Human Nurture Podcast. Going to keep this intro brief to get you quickly to the second half of the Ron and Chakaheir episode. If you're just jumping in now, please go back an episode and check the first half. Going to pick this up at that place where we left off last time, the couple was describing how they, "shut it down" and "withdraw". Thanks so much for tuning-in. ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture. 

A NOTE FROM JASON: Hi there.  Ready to get prepped for another clinical interview with Ron and Chakaher?  Well, this is the place. What you're about to hear is a conversation with my producer, Margaret Martin. You will recognize Margaret from a couple of episodes back, she's a wonderful PACT 3 therapists out of Austin, Texas, In this episode, Margaret helps me to get ready for my follow-up interview with Ron and Chakahier. They are a couple out of Alabama. They have been married 33 years and have vibrant lives, however, inside their home they've drifted apart. Margaret's going to me set to sit with the natural vicissitudes of a couple who has drifted apart by helping them be in the room together as they navigate being close and then drifting apart. Margaret does a great job of sparking curiosity inside of me. I'm going to then turn around, in the coming up episode, and spark curiosity inside of Ron and Chakahier. Thank you so much for tuning-in.  JB   ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture.   

A NOTE FROM JASON: Hi again. In this episode I've got my colleague, John Guy along with me to reflect on the Ron and Chakahier initial couple clinical interview.  John hails out of Seattle and he has a private practice seeing couples, a background in facilitating groups focused on race and gender and is a practicing Buddhist. I called John because I was looking for someone who is both a PACT trained therapist and could help me to think about issues of race and gender in couples therapy.  John delivers on both of these fronts and made a number of comments in this interview that are gems of perspective on couples and just being a good human being.  Comments that keep popping into my mind as I go about my days since we spoke .  So take a listen and let me know what you think, jason@jasonbrand.com ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture. 

A NOTE FROM JASON: I'm excited to introduce to you our second couple of the season, Ron and Chakahier.  I suggest that you go back an episode and listen to the 10 minute introduction that I did with my producer, Margaret Martin, to get situated for this interview.  This is the first of three interviews that I did with Ron and Chakahier and of course there will be a bunch of expert PACT consultant interviews along the way.  I'd love to hear from you!  You can let me know what you think - jason@jasonbrand.com.  Thanks for listening, JB ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture. 

In this episode, Kimberly and Stan discuss attachment theory, styles of learned attachment, and ways to maintain healthy relationships. They discuss attachment theory regarding parent-child relationships as well as romantic partners, differences between codependence and interdependent relationships, and how to work towards mutually beneficial relationships even during conflict. Tatkin believes that with proper understanding and/or coaching, all humans can sustain loving and beneficial relationships despite conflict.   Bio Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®. Tatkin has written many books based on his attachment and relationship work such as Wired for Love and most recently Baby Bomb. Tatkin created the PACT Institute in 2010 with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, to train mental health professionals to think and work through a psychobiological lens in their clinical practice.   What He Shares:  --Definition of Attachment theory --Attachment styles (Islands, Waves, and Anchors) --Co-Dependence vs. Interdependence --Single and step parenting --Handling conflict   What You'll Hear: --Attachment theory is felt sense of safety and security of infant and primary caregiver --Secure and insecure reactions of infant, child, adult --Island, Wave, and Anchors as learned attachment behaviors --Island preoccupied with independence and autonomy --Wave encouraged to stay dependent --Co-dependence as one-way street --Interdependence as two autonomous beings in agreement of stakeholders in relationship --Healthy relationships always being two-person system, not individual  --Couples as co-architects creating culture around them --Thinking big picture in a relationship --Importance of vetting before a relationship --Focus on perfect relationship: safety & security, love & affection, admiration & growth --Relationship/children hierarchy --Single parents moving to relationships --Evolution of pair-bonding in herds --Interrupting stress patterns during conflict to remember benefits of other person --Put something in place to remind each other to keep from harming each other --Humans wired for threat, have to work through emphasizing love and benefits for individuals involved Resources website www.thepactinstitute.com IG: @drstantatkin

A NOTE FROM JASON: Hello!  So we are beginning to wrap up our time with the first couple of the season, Bart and Susan.  What you are about to hear is a consultation interview with my level 3 PACT colleague, Debbie Campbell out of Dallas Texas.   I don't know if I've ever read a list of a persons background that better describes their clinical style and approach than Debbie's.  She a student and practitioner of sport psychology, positive psychology, couples counseling, psychodrama, and neuroscience.  You'll hear it in her, she's like a performance athlete, personal trainer, PACT expert and brain nerd with real warmth and compassion all in one package.   I came to Debbie with a big question:  How does a couples therapist learn to use the patterns of arousal regulation and understanding of developmental neuroscience to create safer and more secure relationships?  If that just sounds like confusing jargon, well you are in the right place to make it all a whole lot more clear.   One note, in listening back to the interview, we talk a great deal about pacing.  How fast or slow should a therapist go in couples therapy.  I think what we are really talking about but don't name directly is pressure- so we also focus on -  How does a couples therapist know how much pressure to apply to bring about change in a couple?  The answer to this has lots to do with arousal and neuroscience and attachment.  So, hold onto your hat, it's an action packed episode that  I hope you enjoy!  JB ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture.   

What is the biggest predictor of our happiness? According to a study conducted for over 80 years at Harvard, it is love. Full stop. But our brains can go to fear and other places that interfere with sustainable, loving relationships. While our brains have evolved to ensure we continue to multiply and increase the population of our species, those same brains haven't simply evolved to improve long-term relationships without some assistance. Fortunately, my guest, Dr. Stan Tatkin (https://www.thepactinstitute.com/), has the assistance all of us need! Stan is a couple therapist, a neuroscientist, and a UCLA Medical School clinical professor who has studied how our brains function and malfunction when it comes to love. His latest book, We Do, is easily one of the finest books I have ever read on relationships. Stan brilliantly weaves neuroscience, Attachment Theory, and so many other research-driven findings into a user-friendly and comprehensive model of how we love. His model called PACT, which stands for “Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy,” can improve anyone's love life in dramatic and unforeseen ways. So, join Stan and me as we talk about how you can increase your happiness through improving your long-term love relationship.

A NOTE FROM JASON: Hello from Berkeley-  We all know the therapy cliches about how we end up marrying our parents or how our early childhoods lay out the behavior patterns of our functioning as adults.  The cliches are true-- one way that we learn to help couples is by understanding models of human development and early relationship patterns.   The therapists who has a deep understanding of the science of attachment and utilizes it well to help couples can heal old attachment wounds and move development forward.  It's a powerful tool.  So This episode answers the question... How does a couples therapist learn how to connect early attachment to the current day challenges that couples face?!   I am very fortunate to have a rock-solid consultant for this dive into attachment.  My fellow PACT couples therapist Melissa Ferrari.  Melissa is based in Australia and her curiosity and enthusiasm for helping couples is infectious.   I want to pull out a quote from the episode that really stuck with me, Melissa asks- “How does this couple lay together, knowing we both feel inadequate together and that's okay?”  If you have been following along this far you will know that “this couple” is Bart and Susan and that addressing feelings of inadequacy has been one of the main themes and struggles in the interviews.   Melissa asks us to imagine how couples therapy could build a safe enough container for Bart and Susan to share their feelings of inadequacy about being deeply dependent upon each other as a way to move the relationship forward.  It's really a beautiful way to frame their challenges and it rests on a solid foundation of helping to heal old attachment wounds through building safety and security in Bart and Susan's current relationship.  To me, it very moving, exciting  and poetic.  I hope you feel the same when you take a listen.  JB ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture. 

A NOTE FROM JASON: Hello and thanks for listening.  So far this season we met our first couple, Bart and Susan, and then listened in on my consultation session with Hans Stahlschmidt.  It's now time to hear a follow up session with Bart and Susan.   In the first interview with Bart and Susan, we heard the couple describe the very different ways they manage emotions and how this was keeping them from being able to build a solid foundation for a future together.  They used a metaphor of boxes and how Bart puts emotional overwhelm into boxes and Susan has no boxes at all.  They described how this leads to arguments, shutdowns and hurt feelings that keep big things like “money, work and time” from ever being figured out.   In consultation, Hans helped me to see that they were describing ways that they both feel alone during times of great stress, how these are likely patterns developed in their early childhoods and how this leaves them vulnerable to feeling inadequate in their current relationship.  He then helped me to think through ways that couple therapy could help them to learn to undo old patterns and dare to risk trusting deeply in each other. In this second interview, that process of undoing old patterns and learning to deepen trust has progressed, however, it is not easy going.  As Bart learns to open boxes, he becomes more hopeful that he can change.  As Susan puts her feelings into boxes she begins to feel hopeless that things are going to change enough to satisfy both of their needs.  Susan waits for Bart to change with worries about a void between them and the question of will they be able to find each other quickly enough to stay together becomes the focus of the couple's clinical interview. That should give you some context for the first half of the second couple clinical with Bart and Susan. The next three episodes are going to consultation interviews that wrap up my work with Bart and Susan. ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture.    

A NOTE FROM JASON:   Hello - I hope you got a sense of what it's like to be in the couples therapist's chair in the clinical interview with Bart and Susan.  In this episode, I'm excited to give you a sense of what a consultation interview between therapists sounds like.  My colleague and mentor Hans Stahlschmidt joins me as we discuss his impressions of my work with Bart and Susan.  Thanks for joining me!  JB ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture. 

A NOTE FROM JASON:   Hi Again- In this second half of our first couple clinical interview we finish up the interview with Bart and Susan.  On the surface, their challenge in moving their relationship forward is about money, time and work, however, as we get into the session we find that the question of managing feelings of inadequacy is really where the help is needed.     ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT is a teacher, clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). Beloved by colleagues and clients alike, Stan is an expert on human behavior and couple relationships. He speaks and teaches around the world on secure-functioning relationships – how to understand them, create them, and support them. Stan has written dozens of academic articles and six bestselling books – now translated into Spanish, Chinese, Turkish, and Romanian. More than 1.1 million people have tuned in to Stan's TEDx talk. A Therapist's Therapist Stan and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, created the PACT Institute in 2010 to train mental health professionals to successfully integrate a psychobiological approach in their clinical practices. Through the PACT Institute, Stan has trained thousands of therapists in Austin, Berkeley, Boulder, Los Angeles, New York, Santa Fe, Seattle, Canada, England, Norway, Turkey, Australia, and Spain. They appreciate his depth of understanding – of both the scientific research and the human condition – and how he integrates that wisdom to form the foundation of the comprehensive principles and methodologies he teaches. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists CA honored Stan with the Educator of the Year award in 2014. Go-To Source for Couples Stan helps couples create healthy attachments and secure-functioning relationships based on fairness, justice, and sensitivity. Throughout each year, Stan and Tracey travel coast to coast, leading couples through Wired For Love Couple Retreats with other PACT faculty. Stan has devoted his life to working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships, and he maintains a robust clinical practice in Calabasas, California. Scholar, Advancing Psychotherapy Stan is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a founding member on Relationships First, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. A former president of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, Ventura County chapter, Stan is a veteran member of Allan N. Schore's study group. He's trained in the Adult Attachment, Facial Action Coding System, and Strange Situation. He was also trained in Self and Object Relations for working with personality disorders through the Masterson Institute. As clinician, he has also specialized in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders and drug and alcohol addiction. Stan is an experienced facilitator in Vipassana, having trained with Shinzen Young, PhD, in Vipassana meditation. He also trained with David Reynolds, PhD, in two Japanese forms of psychotherapy, Morita and Naikan.

A NOTE FROM JASON:   Hello Again- In this first half of our first couple clinical interview we meet Bart and Susan.  On the surface, their challenge in moving forward in their relation is about money, time and work, however, as we get into the session we find that the question of managing feelings of inadequacy is really where the help is needed.   ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture.

A NOTE FROM JASON:   Hi there- In this introductory episode you will meet the 3 couples that will be featured throughout the season, hear about the process of making season 2 of the podcast and get some tips for listening with the ear of a psychobiologist.  Thank you for checking it out.  JB  ABOUT SEASON 2 of HUMAN NURTURE: Hosted by Jason Brand, LCSW a practicing couples therapist in Berkeley, California.   In Season 2 of Human Nurture we will cover PACT in Training.  PACT stands for a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy and has a reputation for effectively helping the most challenging situations that come up between couples.   This season, we will answer the question, "How does a couples therapist learn to help with THAT?!?"   "THAT?!?" could be any challenge that a couple brings into counseling-- from infidelity, to arguments about money, to processing past trauma, to decisions about the health and well being of a child.  This season gives an insider's view to the world of couples therapy through interviews with actual couples and consultation interviews with other expert PACT therapists.  If you are a couples therapist looking to sharpen your skills, or if you are just curious about how couples therapists learn to do their job, tune into this season of Human Nurture.

Relationships are hard, and making them last is even harder. Today we’re exploring how we can be happier and healthier in all of our relationships with a wonderful clinician, teacher, and researcher: Dr. Stan TatkinAbout our Guest: Dr. Stan Tatkin is an expert on human behavior, and particularly the unique dynamics found in couples relationships. He’s the creator of PACT: the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, and the author of six bestselling books, including Wired for Love and We Do.Key Topics:1:45: The importance of attachment. 5:30: What happens when children are neglected?9:00: Finding safety in our relationships.13:30: How to build safety through physical cues. 19:10: Apology, and building a culture in our relationships.23:00: Finding common principles. 31:00: Dealbreakers, and entering relationships intentionally.37:00: Fairness in our relationships. 45:30: Being and staying interested.49:15: Trusting your partner’s experience. 54:50: The most important characteristics in a life partner.57:00: What’s the most important thing you do each day for your own well-being?58:30: A message to your younger self.1:00:00: RecapSponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Explore your creativity at Skillshare.com/BEINGWELL and get a free trial of their Premium Membership.Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Follow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookSubscribe on iTunes

Are you having challenges in your relationship? Would you like to have better communication with your partner? Today Lisa talks with Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT. Stan is a well-respected teacher, clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He is a noted expert on human behavior and couple relationships. In today’s interview, he shares communication tips and tricks and explains the importance of non-verbal cues and body-language, whether with your partner, friends, or in a business setting. He also discusses online dating, character issues, texting, and implications of social media. Stan speaks and teaches worldwide on secure-functioning relationships – how to understand them, create them, and support them. Info: https://www.thepactinstitute.com/ 

Eva Van Prooyen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, relationship specialist, and Certified PACT Therapist based in Santa Barbara, CA. She has been helping individuals and couples thrive past limiting circumstances, and create happier, more fulfilling lives and relationships - since 2001. Eva is a Certified PACT Therapist.  Using a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy as the foundation of her couple work, Eva helps her clients become skillful partners by learning how to create a secure functioning relationship that is fair, mutual, and sensitive. Couples find a clear new path through the hardest of times, resolve painful conflicts large and small, and prepare for life-long lasting love. Eva can show partners how they get into trouble and decode the way out so they can get back to the good stuff. Eva Van Prooyen Eva Van Prooyen, Relationship Blog Wired For Love: Stan Tatkin We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love: Stan Tatkin ------ Facebook Instagram

We are getting close to the end of this first season of the Human Nurture Podcast as we do our deep dive into the underlying elements of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy.  This episode is a second look at somatic therapy as seen through the perspective of Marjorie Rand, a long time Integrative Body Psychotherapist. Marjorie co-authored the book Body, Self and Soul with the founder of IBP, Jack Rosenberg and has extensive training in yoga, gestalt and somatic therapies.  The episode is a nice compliment to Episode 11 which featured Rob Fisher and also covers somatic therapy.  Marjorie offers great examples of how to bring the body into our work with couples through experiential interventions. She will make you a believer in the use of breath and connection to the body as a way to sustain ourselves and remain deeply engaged both inside and outside the consulting room.Follow along of Facebook @humannurturepodcastTime-----00:00:00 - 00:02:12 -Jason Introduction0:02:19-01:07:13 - Jason and Marjorie RandResources-----IBP Website: http://www.ibponline.org/about.phpMarjorie's Book: Body, Self and Soul:https://www.amazon.com/Body-Self-Soul-Sustaining-Integration-ebook/dp/B00Y3CCN8I/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2BC0LKFWRSLFF&dchild=1&keywords=body+self+and+soul&qid=1590882220&sprefix=body+self+and+soul%2Caps%2C217&sr=8-1IBP Global Outreach From Dr. Beverly Morse (Co-founder of IBP) and Margie Gayle.  An interview that introduces four breathing techniques specifically for tele-health:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjtdvSMzm5o&feature=youtu.be  

How do you keep love alive? It’s not what you think! This week, we’re diving deep into love, romance, danger, conflict, fact, fantasy and truth with Dr. Stan Tatkin, a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). Tatkin’s practice is based in Calabasas, California, where for the last 20 years he has specialized in working with couples, and also individuals who want to be in a relationship. Tatkin is the author of numerous books, including Wired for LOVE: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.

Karen Buckwalter concludes her conversation with Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, about examining couples and romantic relationships through the lens of attachment theory. Tatkin is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, and developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. Dr. Tatkin also teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. Dr. Tatkin is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a member on Relationships First Counsel, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Dr. Tatkin received his early training in developmental self and object relations (Masterson Institute), Gestalt, psychodrama, and family systems theory. His private practice specialized for some time in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders. More recently, his interests turned to psycho-neurobiological theories of human relationship, and applying principles of early mother-infant attachment to adult romantic relationships. Dr. Tatkin was a primary inpatient group therapist at the John Bradshaw Center, where among other things, he taught mindfulness to patients and staff. He was trained in Vipassana meditation by Shinzen Young, and was an experienced facilitator in Vipassana. He was also trained by David Reynolds in two Japanese forms of psychotherapy, Morita and Naikan. Dr. Tatkin was clinical director of Charter Hospital’s intensive outpatient drug and alcohol program, and is a former president of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, Ventura County chapter. He is a veteran member of Allan N. Schore’s study group. He also trained in the Adult Attachment Interview through Mary Main and Erik Hesse’s program out of UC Berkeley.

Karen Buckwalter welcomes Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, for part one of their conversation about examining couples and romantic relationships through the lens of attachment theory. Tatkin is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, and developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. Dr. Tatkin also teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. Dr. Tatkin is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a member on Relationships First Counsel, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Dr. Tatkin received his early training in developmental self and object relations (Masterson Institute), Gestalt, psychodrama, and family systems theory. His private practice specialized for some time in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders. More recently, his interests turned to psycho-neurobiological theories of human relationship, and applying principles of early mother-infant attachment to adult romantic relationships. Dr. Tatkin was a primary inpatient group therapist at the John Bradshaw Center, where among other things, he taught mindfulness to patients and staff. He was trained in Vipassana meditation by Shinzen Young, and was an experienced facilitator in Vipassana. He was also trained by David Reynolds in two Japanese forms of psychotherapy, Morita and Naikan. Dr. Tatkin was clinical director of Charter Hospital’s intensive outpatient drug and alcohol program, and is a former president of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, Ventura County chapter. He is a veteran member of Allan N. Schore’s study group. He also trained in the Adult Attachment Interview through Mary Main and Erik Hesse’s program out of UC Berkeley.

GUEST GABRIELLE USATYNSKI: Gabrielle Usatynski, MA, is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Power Couples Counseling in Boulder, CO. She has been in private practice since 2008 and specializes in couples therapy. She is trained in PACT (a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy). Gabrielle has been named 2018 and 2019 Best Marriage Counselor of Louisville by the Louisville Awards Program. She teaches a masterclass on personality disorders in couples therapy to other clinicians in the Boulder area. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)   IN THIS EPISODE, GABRIELLE USATYNSKY AND DR. JESSICA HIGGINS DISCUSS: What it means for a person to have a personality disorder. How a personality disorder develops. The evolution of our understanding of personality disorders over time. Mistakes we tend to make when trying to learn if our partner has a personality disorder. What to keep in mind when looking for a good partner and what to focus on when developing a quality relationship. How to have a good relationship with someone who has a personality disorder. “We don’t do things differently with people who have personality disorders than we do with people who don’t. We’re still holding the same container for people to create relationships that are based on safety and security, that are based on distress relief, fostering each other’s wellbeing, boosting each other’s self-esteem – these types of principles that couples can subscribe to, because we know that’s what makes relationships work.” — Gabrielle Usatynsky Change occurs … “when they choose to commit to something greater than themselves, and that is the relationship.” — Gabrielle Usatynsky   CONNECT WITH GABRIELLE USATYNSKI, MA: Website: PowerCouplesCounseling.com Book: How to Stop Stressful Fights with Your Partner   MENTIONED: Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Dr. Stan Tatkin   CONNECT WITH DR. JESSICA HIGGINS:   Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email:jessica@drjessicahiggins.com     If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.  

On this week’s episode, Ameé talks with renowned couples expert and author, Dr. Stan Tatkin. Stan Tatkin, is a clinician, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialized for the last 20 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships. And he is the author of many books on the topic of relationships including Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, published by New Harbinger. In this episode, you will hear:Why is a romantic partner even necessary? What are the benefits of being tethered to another person? What is Attachment Theory and how does our attachment style affect us as adults? What is attraction and why do we go for certain types of people, even if they are “wrong” for us?How do you become an expert in your partner? Ultimately, how do we know this other person is worth the effort? What are our cues? Books by Dr. Tatkin include:We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love, published by Sounds TrueRelationship Rx: Insights and Practices to Overcome Chronic Fighting and Return to Love, published by Sounds TrueWired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate, published by New Harbinger.Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, published by New Harbinger.Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships, published by Sounds True.Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy, with coauthor Marion Solomon, available through W. W. Norton’s Interpersonal Neurobiology Series. Website: https://thepactinstitute.com/Facebook the PACT Institute: https://www.facebook.com/PactTrainingInstituteFacebook for Dr. Stan Tatkin: https://www.facebook.com/drstantatkin/

If you've ever wondered "why are relationships difficult?" you'll want to catch this episode with Dr. Stan Tatkin. We start with an exploration of how our species’ survival relies on an inborn negativity bias and how this same mechanism makes relationships difficult and more challenging to sustain under stress. Everyone’s experienced some form of relational loss and developmental trauma. And so, with this in mind, we’re also discussing how early development shapes each of us and our ability to self-regulate and foster safe, secure, adult romantic relationships. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, teacher, and developer of a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy. He is also the author of several books on aspects of love and relationships, with his most recent one being We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love. Through his clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, workshops, couples’ retreats, and the PACT Institute, Stan and his wife, Tracey, train psychotherapists to use the PACT method in their clinical practices.   In this episode, Stan and I discuss: What the Psychobiological Approach is. The inability of people to act and react quickly and properly before they launch into a “fight or flight” response---or a collapse For the purpose of helping us understand, Dr. Tatkin simplifies how our neurobiology works down to the two areas of the brain: the ambassadors and the primitives For optimum arousal, we need all systems online at the same time, which takes alertness and relaxation Why we aren’t all set up for adult love relationships How we learn to self-regulate to prepare for adult relationships Why so many people don’t know how to get to a safe, secure place Stan’s “foxhole” illustration: are couples at war with each other in the foxhole or protecting one another How a dangerous environment makes people put aside their differences and work together How people manage relationships by learning to work together How a couple has to live by agreements that are good for both, like, “We protect each other in public and private” How memory perception and communication can get us into trouble The difference between co-dependency and interdependency How our trauma approach can lead to PTSD----and hugs, massage, and acupuncture can help much more than talking How people can ease into eye contact with each other The importance of play, which comes from feeling safe and secure Why people might have trouble with play “The window of tolerance” and what it means for couples Things that can compromise and narrow the window of tolerance How we miss much of the language used when we communicate in ways that don’t include eye contact, like phone calls, texting, and email Why experiencing trauma in life means a lot of re-regulating will need to take place Why most everything we suffer from is interpersonal Resources: www.thepactinstitute.com  Find out more about Stan’s practice, resources, books, retreats, and workshops We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love   Thank you to our sponsor, TherapyNotes. Get two free months of TherapyNotes and a free data import after signing up for a free trial by going to www.therapynotes.com and using promo code: connectfulness   Learn more about Rebecca’s relationship therapy practice and intensive couples retreat experiences in NY at connectfulness.com Join our Connectfulness® Community connectfulness.com/community Follow us @connectfulness on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Root in with Rebecca’s Connectfulness® Collective for therapists in private practice at: connectfulness.com/collective

After years of studying couples, neuroscience, and attachment, Dr. Stan Tatkin knows what is necessary for a deep, enduring relationship. In this episode we talk all about those factors and also where couples get off track.  Stan is the founder of the PACT institute which stands for the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy. He is one of the leading trainers in the world of couples therapy and offers an extensive certification program in this model. Pact has a reputation for effectively treating the most difficult couples. Click the link to check out the previous interview with Stan in episode #35. The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week. Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes. Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy. Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group Visit Stan's website at stantatkin.com Also check out thepactinstitute.com

My guest for this episode is Dr. Valerie Rein. She is an author, psychologist, and in addition, founded Her Genius, Inc. Through her work, she has coined the term Patriarchal Stress Disorder to capture and reflect upon the historical dynamic of predominantly patriarchal power structures throughout time. And more specifically, how patriarchy has negatively affected women throughout the years, all the way up to the present. This has led to a suppression of femininity, of being expressive and celebratory about womanhood while in an open space and without fear. And because of recent understandings of genetics and inherited aspects of our recent ancestral roots, we can very well inherit traumas from certain groups. And yes, that supposes and is backed by evidence that women inherit patriarchal stress from ancestors who were suppressed and oppressed in previous generations. Both men and women can inherit certain traumas, but in this highly interesting episode, Valerie walks us through patriarchal stress in particular. You'll really get a lot out of this one. A Missing Link to Better Sex After working as a therapist for many years, Valerie started noticing that there were underlying traumas that could be addressed in her patients which would lead to better sex in their sex lives, depending on the various levels of resolution or therapy work. But Valerie also started noticing that women who didn't have any particular traumas to work on were still responding as positively to the therapy as those who did. She eventually realized that there was a correlation or causative link between these invisible traumas and the fact that society has been predominantly patriarchal. This coupled with genetic transmission led to the massive breakthrough. More Than Just Better Sex! But better sex wasn't the only benefit to come out of these type of trauma therapy. Really, it changed everything in her patients in a good way: from money flow, to professional success, to relationship wellbeing, to other various aspects, all rooted in this trauma that had been inherited from previous ancestral oppression according to exactive patriarchal structures. She goes further into detail during the episode to explain the dynamic even more! Valerie was Suffering as Well As Valerie states, a very ironic part of this whole story and discovery was that Valerie believed herself to be untouched by the same trauma that was affecting her clients. And as she puts it, it led to a very acute suffering in her life, until she realized that yes, she was affected by the same Patriarchal Stress Disorder as the others. It took a lot of marriage counseling and the eventual end of a marriage to a very nice guy that she realized just how deeply she had been afraid to expect pleasure in a virtually sex-less marriage. She eloquently describes the situation and ties it to the disorder during the episode. Do check it out. How to Alleviate P.S.D. Through the Jailbreak System In the episode, Valerie talks about her 5-step process for breaking out of the jail that modern society has placed women in. To start, just waking up and seeing the walls that enclose you, is the important first step. And within that first step, recognizing that it's not personal. You have inherited this world, the traits and reality from your ancestors. There's just a traumatic setup that you have inherited from your pedigree. The next step is to resolve the feelings of constantly having to self-improve. Until women step out of the revolving door of second-guessing and feelings of inferiority that have been inherited, what Valerie calls the ‘prison security system' will keep firing. This leads to hormone imbalances and a gamut of other disorders in women. The third step is that women often bribe the prison guards. Instead of overriding the prison defense system, women often feel it necessary to work with them. And for the rest of these steps, listen along to the episode. The imagery is very interesting and useful for understanding the concept. Survival of the Anxious Using an example of Holocaust survivors and their raised cortisol levels, so too their ancestors were passed the tangible genetic traits associated with the type of hyper-vigilance that is common in someone with a heightened fight-or-flight system. And in different ways, we can be passed the same sort of genetic traits and dispositions because of oppression and situations of extreme stress, especially in women. What About the Men? Dr. Valerie doesn't ignore the fact that men have also been traumatized and suffer from similar symptoms as women. In fact, the patriarchal system doesn't really work in general. So women are affected the most, but it is still a largely flawed system that does considerable harm for men as well. For much more that wasn't laid out here in the show notes, the episode is chock-full of more important concepts and details. Key Links for Valerie: Valerie's Website: http://www.patriarchystressdisorder.com/ More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ The founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples. Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

My guest for this episode is Dr. Valerie Rein. She is an author, psychologist, and in addition, founded Her Genius, Inc.Through her work, she has coined the term Patriarchal Stress Disorder to capture and reflect upon the historical dynamic of predominantly patriarchal power structures throughout time. And more specifically, how patriarchy has negatively affected women throughout the years, all the way up to the present. This has led to a suppression of femininity, of being expressive and celebratory about womanhood while in an open space and without fear.And because of recent understandings of genetics and inherited aspects of our recent ancestral roots, we can very well inherit traumas from certain groups. And yes, that supposes and is backed by evidence that women inherit patriarchal stress from ancestors who were suppressed and oppressed in previous generations. Both men and women can inherit certain traumas, but in this highly interesting episode, Valerie walks us through patriarchal stress in particular. You’ll really get a lot out of this one.A Missing Link to Better SexAfter working as a therapist for many years, Valerie started noticing that there were underlying traumas that could be addressed in her patients which would lead to better sex in their sex lives, depending on the various levels of resolution or therapy work. But Valerie also started noticing that women who didn’t have any particular traumas to work on were still responding as positively to the therapy as those who did. She eventually realized that there was a correlation or causative link between these invisible traumas and the fact that society has been predominantly patriarchal. This coupled with genetic transmission led to the massive breakthrough.More Than Just Better Sex!But better sex wasn’t the only benefit to come out of these type of trauma therapy. Really, it changed everything in her patients in a good way: from money flow, to professional success, to relationship wellbeing, to other various aspects, all rooted in this trauma that had been inherited from previous ancestral oppression according to exactive patriarchal structures. She goes further into detail during the episode to explain the dynamic even more!Valerie was Suffering as WellAs Valerie states, a very ironic part of this whole story and discovery was that Valerie believed herself to be untouched by the same trauma that was affecting her clients. And as she puts it, it led to a very acute suffering in her life, until she realized that yes, she was affected by the same Patriarchal Stress Disorder as the others.It took a lot of marriage counseling and the eventual end of a marriage to a very nice guy that she realized just how deeply she had been afraid to expect pleasure in a virtually sex-less marriage. She eloquently describes the situation and ties it to the disorder during the episode. Do check it out.How to Alleviate P.S.D. Through the Jailbreak SystemIn the episode, Valerie talks about her 5-step process for breaking out of the jail that modern society has placed women in. To start, just waking up and seeing the walls that enclose you, is the important first step. And within that first step, recognizing that it’s not personal. You have inherited this world, the traits and reality from your ancestors. There’s just a traumatic setup that you have inherited from your pedigree.The next step is to resolve the feelings of constantly having to self-improve. Until women step out of the revolving door of second-guessing and feelings of inferiority that have been inherited, what Valerie calls the ‘prison security system’ will keep firing. This leads to hormone imbalances and a gamut of other disorders in women.The third step is that women often bribe the prison guards. Instead of overriding the prison defense system, women often feel it necessary to work with them. And for the rest of these steps, listen along to the episode. The imagery is very interesting and useful for understanding the concept.Survival of the AnxiousUsing an example of Holocaust survivors and their raised cortisol levels, so too their ancestors were passed the tangible genetic traits associated with the type of hyper-vigilance that is common in someone with a heightened fight-or-flight system. And in different ways, we can be passed the same sort of genetic traits and dispositions because of oppression and situations of extreme stress, especially in women.What About the Men?Dr. Valerie doesn’t ignore the fact that men have also been traumatized and suffer from similar symptoms as women. In fact, the patriarchal system doesn’t really work in general. So women are affected the most, but it is still a largely flawed system that does considerable harm for men as well. For much more that wasn’t laid out here in the show notes, the episode is chock-full of more important concepts and details.Key Links for Valerie: Valerie’s Website: http://www.patriarchystressdisorder.com/More info:Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/The founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples.Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

My guest for this episode is Dr. Valerie Rein. She is an author, psychologist, and in addition, founded Her Genius, Inc.Through her work, she has coined the term Patriarchal Stress Disorder to capture and reflect upon the historical dynamic of predominantly patriarchal power structures throughout time. And more specifically, how patriarchy has negatively affected women throughout the years, all the way up to the present. This has led to a suppression of femininity, of being expressive and celebratory about womanhood while in an open space and without fear.And because of recent understandings of genetics and inherited aspects of our recent ancestral roots, we can very well inherit traumas from certain groups. And yes, that supposes and is backed by evidence that women inherit patriarchal stress from ancestors who were suppressed and oppressed in previous generations. Both men and women can inherit certain traumas, but in this highly interesting episode, Valerie walks us through patriarchal stress in particular. You’ll really get a lot out of this one.A Missing Link to Better SexAfter working as a therapist for many years, Valerie started noticing that there were underlying traumas that could be addressed in her patients which would lead to better sex in their sex lives, depending on the various levels of resolution or therapy work. But Valerie also started noticing that women who didn’t have any particular traumas to work on were still responding as positively to the therapy as those who did. She eventually realized that there was a correlation or causative link between these invisible traumas and the fact that society has been predominantly patriarchal. This coupled with genetic transmission led to the massive breakthrough.More Than Just Better Sex!But better sex wasn’t the only benefit to come out of these type of trauma therapy. Really, it changed everything in her patients in a good way: from money flow, to professional success, to relationship wellbeing, to other various aspects, all rooted in this trauma that had been inherited from previous ancestral oppression according to exactive patriarchal structures. She goes further into detail during the episode to explain the dynamic even more!Valerie was Suffering as WellAs Valerie states, a very ironic part of this whole story and discovery was that Valerie believed herself to be untouched by the same trauma that was affecting her clients. And as she puts it, it led to a very acute suffering in her life, until she realized that yes, she was affected by the same Patriarchal Stress Disorder as the others.It took a lot of marriage counseling and the eventual end of a marriage to a very nice guy that she realized just how deeply she had been afraid to expect pleasure in a virtually sex-less marriage. She eloquently describes the situation and ties it to the disorder during the episode. Do check it out.How to Alleviate P.S.D. Through the Jailbreak SystemIn the episode, Valerie talks about her 5-step process for breaking out of the jail that modern society has placed women in. To start, just waking up and seeing the walls that enclose you, is the important first step. And within that first step, recognizing that it’s not personal. You have inherited this world, the traits and reality from your ancestors. There’s just a traumatic setup that you have inherited from your pedigree.The next step is to resolve the feelings of constantly having to self-improve. Until women step out of the revolving door of second-guessing and feelings of inferiority that have been inherited, what Valerie calls the ‘prison security system’ will keep firing. This leads to hormone imbalances and a gamut of other disorders in women.The third step is that women often bribe the prison guards. Instead of overriding the prison defense system, women often feel it necessary to work with them. And for the rest of these steps, listen along to the episode. The imagery is very interesting and useful for understanding the concept.Survival of the AnxiousUsing an example of Holocaust survivors and their raised cortisol levels, so too their ancestors were passed the tangible genetic traits associated with the type of hyper-vigilance that is common in someone with a heightened fight-or-flight system. And in different ways, we can be passed the same sort of genetic traits and dispositions because of oppression and situations of extreme stress, especially in women.What About the Men?Dr. Valerie doesn’t ignore the fact that men have also been traumatized and suffer from similar symptoms as women. In fact, the patriarchal system doesn’t really work in general. So women are affected the most, but it is still a largely flawed system that does considerable harm for men as well. For much more that wasn’t laid out here in the show notes, the episode is chock-full of more important concepts and details.Key Links for Valerie: Valerie’s Website: http://www.patriarchystressdisorder.com/More info:Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/The founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples.Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

My guest is Mark Schoen. He is a prolific sex-education filmmaker--he has made over 50 of them!--and still very productive and skilled at his important work in the industry. As his focus attests, educating the general public about sexual topics is always necessary. We can never have enough sexual education throughout the world, so what Mark does is extremely important for making the world a better, more fulfilling, and more demystified place when we talk about sexuality and the whole spectrum of the subject. And although he originally thought he was going to be a hockey player, luckily for the world he realized his full potential in the sexual education sphere. He is the founder and organizer of SexSmartFilms and has been making sexual health films since 1974. In addition to the numerous awards he has won for his work, he is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and an award-winning author. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! For an enlightening talk on his fascinating life, you would be hard pressed to find a better exemplar of how sexual education should be done. Great stuff! How Mark got his Start as a Sexual Educator As Mark states, his first encounter with the discipline was as a health educator. Soon it became required for him to teach a group of 12 and13-year-olds the nature of sexually transmitted diseases. But to his chagrin, the curriculum was presenting sexuality through the lens of disease instead of a more positive light. Alarmed by this frame of reference for the subject, Mark decided to appeal for a full class on sexuality that would frame sexuality in a much more positive light. In addition, the class would also be a thorough analysis of the subject and not a quick gloss over the mandatory details. Mark says much more on the topic near the beginning of the interview. Bellybuttons Are Navels As Mark's career started taking off, in the pre-internet 70's mind you, he started getting much more involved in the sexual health realm. Eventually, he wrote a very important children's book called Bellybuttons Are Navels, which explored the anatomical differences between a boy and a girl. A pretty radical concept considering that sexual education when Mark had just gotten started was basically anatomy 101 and didn't explore the nuances and complexity of sexual development, function, and the psychological aspects of sex. Regardless, Bellybuttons Are Navels was published in 1990 and became the first children's book to use the word clitoris. For more on this part of Mark's career listen along to the episode! His Recent Films As Mark recounts, he was blown away by the reception and praise for his 2012 film Trans. And during the talk, he shares a completely heartwarming story of a parent of a transgender child and just how much the film changed her perspective on transsexuality. Mark also shares a scary statistic on the suicide rate of the transgender population, so films like Trans serve an extremely important function that can bridge the gap on loneliness in the community and increase understanding for the ready assimilation and integration of the trans-community. With more work like Mark's, there will be less transgender people on the fringe, and more in the center. Really impactful stuff here! The Challenges of Films Becoming Outdated SexSmartFilms, Mark's website, and enterprise is a repository of sexual education films and resources that are online and can be accessed like the Netflix of sexual health. But the problem with making movies in-house and really just filmmaking, in general, is that hairstyles go out of style, clothes go out of trend, and of course, even the camera quality and look of the entire film can quickly look obsolete. This becomes distracting for some people and can even detract from the overall trust that one places in the information presented. Who's to say that the information isn't as outdated as the clothing styles, in other words? Mark talks about this aspect of the industry and promises that the information is still sound and correct, even if some of the hairstyles are egregious. Listen along for more! Cultural Changes are Relative to Technological Change Jumping to today, technology has made sexuality so much more pervasive in society. In short, it's everywhere! And as Mark states, relevant films and resources can be brought up at the touch of a button. This is a completely different reality than the barren wasteland of accessible resources that teenagers and adults had during the 1970s when Mark started his work as an educator. In other words, now that young people are getting a steady dose of pornography and sexuality from sources that are detached from sexual education, and instead more so sexual entertainment, there is a different educational dynamic at play. Education, Research, and Therapy Mark states that his SexSmartFilm site is divided into these three categories for type of film and their overall purpose. There are films for children, teens, and adults. Really, it's a great database for a wide range of sexuality topics and purposes that you can access for a subscription price. Consider doing it! Mark gives a detailed breakdown of everything you can find with the subscription. From historical sources to more present presentations of sexuality, and what Mark is currently working on, check out what Mark has to say! Key Links for Mark Schoen The SexSmartFilm website: https://sexsmartfilms.com/home/ To contact Mark: https://sexsmartfilms.com/contact/#contactDirect More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ The founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples.More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

My guest is Mark Schoen. He is a prolific sex-education filmmaker--he has made over 50 of them!--and still very productive and skilled at his important work in the industry. As his focus attests, educating the general public about sexual topics is always necessary. We can never have enough sexual education throughout the world, so what Mark does is extremely important for making the world a better, more fulfilling, and more demystified place when we talk about sexuality and the whole spectrum of the subject. And although he originally thought he was going to be a hockey player, luckily for the world he realized his full potential in the sexual education sphere.He is the founder and organizer of SexSmartFilms and has been making sexual health films since 1974. In addition to the numerous awards he has won for his work, he is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and an award-winning author. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! For an enlightening talk on his fascinating life, you would be hard pressed to find a better exemplar of how sexual education should be done. Great stuff!How Mark got his Start as a Sexual EducatorAs Mark states, his first encounter with the discipline was as a health educator. Soon it became required for him to teach a group of 12 and13-year-olds the nature of sexually transmitted diseases. But to his chagrin, the curriculum was presenting sexuality through the lens of disease instead of a more positive light. Alarmed by this frame of reference for the subject, Mark decided to appeal for a full class on sexuality that would frame sexuality in a much more positive light. In addition, the class would also be a thorough analysis of the subject and not a quick gloss over the mandatory details. Mark says much more on the topic near the beginning of the interview.Bellybuttons Are NavelsAs Mark’s career started taking off, in the pre-internet 70’s mind you, he started getting much more involved in the sexual health realm. Eventually, he wrote a very important children's book called Bellybuttons Are Navels, which explored the anatomical differences between a boy and a girl. A pretty radical concept considering that sexual education when Mark had just gotten started was basically anatomy 101 and didn’t explore the nuances and complexity of sexual development, function, and the psychological aspects of sex. Regardless, Bellybuttons Are Navels was published in 1990 and became the first children’s book to use the word clitoris. For more on this part of Mark’s career listen along to the episode!His Recent FilmsAs Mark recounts, he was blown away by the reception and praise for his 2012 film Trans. And during the talk, he shares a completely heartwarming story of a parent of a transgender child and just how much the film changed her perspective on transsexuality. Mark also shares a scary statistic on the suicide rate of the transgender population, so films like Trans serve an extremely important function that can bridge the gap on loneliness in the community and increase understanding for the ready assimilation and integration of the trans-community. With more work like Mark’s, there will be less transgender people on the fringe, and more in the center. Really impactful stuff here!The Challenges of Films Becoming OutdatedSexSmartFilms, Mark’s website, and enterprise is a repository of sexual education films and resources that are online and can be accessed like the Netflix of sexual health. But the problem with making movies in-house and really just filmmaking, in general, is that hairstyles go out of style, clothes go out of trend, and of course, even the camera quality and look of the entire film can quickly look obsolete. This becomes distracting for some people and can even detract from the overall trust that one places in the information presented. Who's to say that the information isn’t as outdated as the clothing styles, in other words?Mark talks about this aspect of the industry and promises that the information is still sound and correct, even if some of the hairstyles are egregious. Listen along for more!Cultural Changes are Relative to Technological ChangeJumping to today, technology has made sexuality so much more pervasive in society. In short, it’s everywhere! And as Mark states, relevant films and resources can be brought up at the touch of a button. This is a completely different reality than the barren wasteland of accessible resources that teenagers and adults had during the 1970s when Mark started his work as an educator.In other words, now that young people are getting a steady dose of pornography and sexuality from sources that are detached from sexual education, and instead more so sexual entertainment, there is a different educational dynamic at play.Education, Research, and TherapyMark states that his SexSmartFilm site is divided into these three categories for type of film and their overall purpose. There are films for children, teens, and adults. Really, it’s a great database for a wide range of sexuality topics and purposes that you can access for a subscription price. Consider doing it! Mark gives a detailed breakdown of everything you can find with the subscription. From historical sources to more present presentations of sexuality, and what Mark is currently working on, check out what Mark has to say!Key Links for Mark SchoenThe SexSmartFilm website: https://sexsmartfilms.com/home/To contact Mark: https://sexsmartfilms.com/contact/#contactDirectMore info:Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/The founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples.

My guest is Mark Schoen. He is a prolific sex-education filmmaker--he has made over 50 of them!--and still very productive and skilled at his important work in the industry. As his focus attests, educating the general public about sexual topics is always necessary. We can never have enough sexual education throughout the world, so what Mark does is extremely important for making the world a better, more fulfilling, and more demystified place when we talk about sexuality and the whole spectrum of the subject. And although he originally thought he was going to be a hockey player, luckily for the world he realized his full potential in the sexual education sphere.He is the founder and organizer of SexSmartFilms and has been making sexual health films since 1974. In addition to the numerous awards he has won for his work, he is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and an award-winning author. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! For an enlightening talk on his fascinating life, you would be hard pressed to find a better exemplar of how sexual education should be done. Great stuff!How Mark got his Start as a Sexual EducatorAs Mark states, his first encounter with the discipline was as a health educator. Soon it became required for him to teach a group of 12 and13-year-olds the nature of sexually transmitted diseases. But to his chagrin, the curriculum was presenting sexuality through the lens of disease instead of a more positive light. Alarmed by this frame of reference for the subject, Mark decided to appeal for a full class on sexuality that would frame sexuality in a much more positive light. In addition, the class would also be a thorough analysis of the subject and not a quick gloss over the mandatory details. Mark says much more on the topic near the beginning of the interview.Bellybuttons Are NavelsAs Mark’s career started taking off, in the pre-internet 70’s mind you, he started getting much more involved in the sexual health realm. Eventually, he wrote a very important children's book called Bellybuttons Are Navels, which explored the anatomical differences between a boy and a girl. A pretty radical concept considering that sexual education when Mark had just gotten started was basically anatomy 101 and didn’t explore the nuances and complexity of sexual development, function, and the psychological aspects of sex. Regardless, Bellybuttons Are Navels was published in 1990 and became the first children’s book to use the word clitoris. For more on this part of Mark’s career listen along to the episode!His Recent FilmsAs Mark recounts, he was blown away by the reception and praise for his 2012 film Trans. And during the talk, he shares a completely heartwarming story of a parent of a transgender child and just how much the film changed her perspective on transsexuality. Mark also shares a scary statistic on the suicide rate of the transgender population, so films like Trans serve an extremely important function that can bridge the gap on loneliness in the community and increase understanding for the ready assimilation and integration of the trans-community. With more work like Mark’s, there will be less transgender people on the fringe, and more in the center. Really impactful stuff here!The Challenges of Films Becoming OutdatedSexSmartFilms, Mark’s website, and enterprise is a repository of sexual education films and resources that are online and can be accessed like the Netflix of sexual health. But the problem with making movies in-house and really just filmmaking, in general, is that hairstyles go out of style, clothes go out of trend, and of course, even the camera quality and look of the entire film can quickly look obsolete. This becomes distracting for some people and can even detract from the overall trust that one places in the information presented. Who's to say that the information isn’t as outdated as the clothing styles, in other words?Mark talks about this aspect of the industry and promises that the information is still sound and correct, even if some of the hairstyles are egregious. Listen along for more!Cultural Changes are Relative to Technological ChangeJumping to today, technology has made sexuality so much more pervasive in society. In short, it’s everywhere! And as Mark states, relevant films and resources can be brought up at the touch of a button. This is a completely different reality than the barren wasteland of accessible resources that teenagers and adults had during the 1970s when Mark started his work as an educator.In other words, now that young people are getting a steady dose of pornography and sexuality from sources that are detached from sexual education, and instead more so sexual entertainment, there is a different educational dynamic at play.Education, Research, and TherapyMark states that his SexSmartFilm site is divided into these three categories for type of film and their overall purpose. There are films for children, teens, and adults. Really, it’s a great database for a wide range of sexuality topics and purposes that you can access for a subscription price. Consider doing it! Mark gives a detailed breakdown of everything you can find with the subscription. From historical sources to more present presentations of sexuality, and what Mark is currently working on, check out what Mark has to say!Key Links for Mark SchoenThe SexSmartFilm website: https://sexsmartfilms.com/home/To contact Mark: https://sexsmartfilms.com/contact/#contactDirectMore info:Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/The founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples.

My guest Steph has been writing about sexuality for more than fifteen years. She generally writes about sex education, rape culture, and perceptions regarding female sexuality. Her book A Dirty Word: How a Sex Writer Reclaimed Her Sexuality is an autobiography about the sexual abuse she was victim to, but it also encompasses a lot of the areas that she currently writes about in a journalistic sense. Stumbling upon the discipline by accident, she first started writing about sex during a college internship. This was shortly after Steph came out of both a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Using her recent experience and sensing an opportunity for a form of ‘shock therapy' as she puts it during the episode, Steph learned how to reclaim her sexuality through her sex writing. This episode chronicles a marvelous woman with a remarkable story; listen along! After the Relationship Steph had trouble feeling comfortable with sex after her abusive relationship. Because of the things she was subjected to, the belittlement she faced, her whole outlook on herself and sex, in general, was distorted. Steph didn't even feel like she could engage in sex in a way that was pleasurable to her. After she picked up an internship after college and was assigned to write about sex, the exposure to sexuality was very beneficial to her overall perception about it. Listen to Steph talk about it during the interview! The Book: Her Big ‘Me Too' Story After gaining the experience and knowledge as a writer in the industry, Steph realized the healing power and clarity that comes from a healthy relationship with sex. She knew she wanted to write a book that people could relate to and be helped by. Steph wanted the book to be a way of broaching the subject of sex for people who were uncomfortable talking about it--it would be something to connect to despite the raging storm of discomfort inside. The Most Pressing Issues for Sexuality in Society When asked about some of the sexual ails of modern society, Steph starts with sexual education. She is wanting to press for earlier education in school. That means that Sex Ed is taught in earlier grades and that parents are also more involved in framing the important aspects of sex before they are sexually active. In addition, Steph also mentions what she considers to be the crux of the issue during the episode. Check it out! Her Largest Fear Her husband knew, her good friends knew the extent of her abusive relationship, but she completely afraid of the moment her parents read A Dirty Word because they were going to find a way to blame themselves as if to say that they couldn't protect their daughter. For more, listen along. ‘Pretending to be the Cool Girl' This is the title of her favorite chapter in the book, where she tackles the assumptions that people have towards her just because she writes about sex. Steph found out really quickly how many other people in her field could relate to the content of that chapter. And for her, it was the part of the book that she enjoyed writing the most. Messages for Steph's Daughter Steph says she will instill in her daughter that she doesn't owe anyone anything. It should be about what she wants, what she is ready for. Boundaries will be taught, sexual education will be accentuated and not glossed over like a lot of parents do, and her daughter will be repeatedly told that it is quite all right to not conform to sexual practices if they are not desired. The lessons and concepts bestowed will get more complex as she grows older, but starting young is so very important. Female Sexuality Has Been Demonized Steph reminds listeners of the all-important fact that a lot of things that females are told is wrong with them sexually is actually pretty normal. There has been a hyper-focused critique of the female sexual spectrum that breeds insecurities and pathologies that are so disconnected from the truth. It took some time, it took some research and great books, but Steph normalized her perception and escaped a lot of the self-perpetuating loops that consistent negative stimuli can bring. Really do check this episode out! Key Links for Steph Auteri: (Including an affiliate link for her book, meaning I earn a small commission on your purchase) Her Website: http://www.stephauteri.com/ Steph's Book: https://amzn.to/2Uf7gIU Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephauteri/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/stephauteri More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ The founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples.More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

My guest Steph has been writing about sexuality for more than fifteen years. She generally writes about sex education, rape culture, and perceptions regarding female sexuality. Her book A Dirty Word: How a Sex Writer Reclaimed Her Sexuality is an autobiography about the sexual abuse she was victim to, but it also encompasses a lot of the areas that she currently writes about in a journalistic sense.Stumbling upon the discipline by accident, she first started writing about sex during a college internship. This was shortly after Steph came out of both a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Using her recent experience and sensing an opportunity for a form of ‘shock therapy’ as she puts it during the episode, Steph learned how to reclaim her sexuality through her sex writing.This episode chronicles a marvelous woman with a remarkable story; listen along!After the RelationshipSteph had trouble feeling comfortable with sex after her abusive relationship. Because of the things she was subjected to, the belittlement she faced, her whole outlook on herself and sex, in general, was distorted. Steph didn’t even feel like she could engage in sex in a way that was pleasurable to her.After she picked up an internship after college and was assigned to write about sex, the exposure to sexuality was very beneficial to her overall perception about it.Listen to Steph talk about it during the interview!The Book: Her Big ‘Me Too’ StoryAfter gaining the experience and knowledge as a writer in the industry, Steph realized the healing power and clarity that comes from a healthy relationship with sex. She knew she wanted to write a book that people could relate to and be helped by. Steph wanted the book to be a way of broaching the subject of sex for people who were uncomfortable talking about it--it would be something to connect to despite the raging storm of discomfort inside.The Most Pressing Issues for Sexuality in SocietyWhen asked about some of the sexual ails of modern society, Steph starts with sexual education. She is wanting to press for earlier education in school. That means that Sex Ed is taught in earlier grades and that parents are also more involved in framing the important aspects of sex before they are sexually active.In addition, Steph also mentions what she considers to be the crux of the issue during the episode. Check it out!Her Largest FearHer husband knew, her good friends knew the extent of her abusive relationship, but she completely afraid of the moment her parents read A Dirty Word because they were going to find a way to blame themselves as if to say that they couldn’t protect their daughter. For more, listen along.‘Pretending to be the Cool Girl’This is the title of her favorite chapter in the book, where she tackles the assumptions that people have towards her just because she writes about sex. Steph found out really quickly how many other people in her field could relate to the content of that chapter. And for her, it was the part of the book that she enjoyed writing the most.Messages for Steph’s DaughterSteph says she will instill in her daughter that she doesn’t owe anyone anything. It should be about what she wants, what she is ready for. Boundaries will be taught, sexual education will be accentuated and not glossed over like a lot of parents do, and her daughter will be repeatedly told that it is quite all right to not conform to sexual practices if they are not desired. The lessons and concepts bestowed will get more complex as she grows older, but starting young is so very important.Female Sexuality Has Been DemonizedSteph reminds listeners of the all-important fact that a lot of things that females are told is wrong with them sexually is actually pretty normal. There has been a hyper-focused critique of the female sexual spectrum that breeds insecurities and pathologies that are so disconnected from the truth. It took some time, it took some research and great books, but Steph normalized her perception and escaped a lot of the self-perpetuating loops that consistent negative stimuli can bring. Really do check this episode out!Key Links for Steph Auteri:(Including an affiliate link for her book, meaning I earn a small commission on your purchase)Her Website: http://www.stephauteri.com/Steph’s Book: https://amzn.to/2Uf7gIUInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephauteri/Twitter: https://twitter.com/stephauteriMore info:Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/The founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples.

My guest Steph has been writing about sexuality for more than fifteen years. She generally writes about sex education, rape culture, and perceptions regarding female sexuality. Her book A Dirty Word: How a Sex Writer Reclaimed Her Sexuality is an autobiography about the sexual abuse she was victim to, but it also encompasses a lot of the areas that she currently writes about in a journalistic sense.Stumbling upon the discipline by accident, she first started writing about sex during a college internship. This was shortly after Steph came out of both a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Using her recent experience and sensing an opportunity for a form of ‘shock therapy’ as she puts it during the episode, Steph learned how to reclaim her sexuality through her sex writing.This episode chronicles a marvelous woman with a remarkable story; listen along!After the RelationshipSteph had trouble feeling comfortable with sex after her abusive relationship. Because of the things she was subjected to, the belittlement she faced, her whole outlook on herself and sex, in general, was distorted. Steph didn’t even feel like she could engage in sex in a way that was pleasurable to her.After she picked up an internship after college and was assigned to write about sex, the exposure to sexuality was very beneficial to her overall perception about it.Listen to Steph talk about it during the interview!The Book: Her Big ‘Me Too’ StoryAfter gaining the experience and knowledge as a writer in the industry, Steph realized the healing power and clarity that comes from a healthy relationship with sex. She knew she wanted to write a book that people could relate to and be helped by. Steph wanted the book to be a way of broaching the subject of sex for people who were uncomfortable talking about it--it would be something to connect to despite the raging storm of discomfort inside.The Most Pressing Issues for Sexuality in SocietyWhen asked about some of the sexual ails of modern society, Steph starts with sexual education. She is wanting to press for earlier education in school. That means that Sex Ed is taught in earlier grades and that parents are also more involved in framing the important aspects of sex before they are sexually active.In addition, Steph also mentions what she considers to be the crux of the issue during the episode. Check it out!Her Largest FearHer husband knew, her good friends knew the extent of her abusive relationship, but she completely afraid of the moment her parents read A Dirty Word because they were going to find a way to blame themselves as if to say that they couldn’t protect their daughter. For more, listen along.‘Pretending to be the Cool Girl’This is the title of her favorite chapter in the book, where she tackles the assumptions that people have towards her just because she writes about sex. Steph found out really quickly how many other people in her field could relate to the content of that chapter. And for her, it was the part of the book that she enjoyed writing the most.Messages for Steph’s DaughterSteph says she will instill in her daughter that she doesn’t owe anyone anything. It should be about what she wants, what she is ready for. Boundaries will be taught, sexual education will be accentuated and not glossed over like a lot of parents do, and her daughter will be repeatedly told that it is quite all right to not conform to sexual practices if they are not desired. The lessons and concepts bestowed will get more complex as she grows older, but starting young is so very important.Female Sexuality Has Been DemonizedSteph reminds listeners of the all-important fact that a lot of things that females are told is wrong with them sexually is actually pretty normal. There has been a hyper-focused critique of the female sexual spectrum that breeds insecurities and pathologies that are so disconnected from the truth. It took some time, it took some research and great books, but Steph normalized her perception and escaped a lot of the self-perpetuating loops that consistent negative stimuli can bring. Really do check this episode out!Key Links for Steph Auteri:(Including an affiliate link for her book, meaning I earn a small commission on your purchase)Her Website: http://www.stephauteri.com/Steph’s Book: https://amzn.to/2Uf7gIUInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephauteri/Twitter: https://twitter.com/stephauteriMore info:Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/The founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples.

Stan Tatkin is the founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®(PACT). He has worked with couples for more than fifteen years in his clinical practice. He teaches, he counsels, he writes, he does it all! Stan has authored a few very important books throughout his career, some of them including: Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Wired for Dating, and his latest and the driving point behind this interview, We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love. All in all, I am delighted to have Stan on the show. You are really going to get a lot out of this talk! The Difficulties of Cultivating a Cooperative and Collaborative Relationship Stan lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples. He says both participants in the relationship share power and mutually govern over each other to balance out the dynamic. Because we are perfectly imperfect as human beings, the dynamic is often skewed to one side. Collaboration is hard and positivity is just as difficult to maintain. To you who listen along, Stan will also take you down a fascinating neurological path when he explains our survival mechanisms and how the brain takes shortcuts. These facets of our development make it very hard to maintain secure relationships. Our states of mind, the many different perceptions we experience--of which Stan likens to a funhouse mirror--and our imperfect memories, are of many hurdles to overcome. For much more on this uphill climb, tune in. Threats and Shared Governance Stan reminds us that the small ‘threats', the eyerolls, the tone laced with animosity, the cold shoulder, passive aggression, all of it, can compound and show up in a very real biological sense. After time, you will view your spouse as a predator. Not in any malicious sense, but because of self-protective tendencies we have learned over our development, our perceptions can certainly be skewed unknowingly. Our capacity or tendency to be threatened in ingrained within us naturally. It can also be a result of upbringing as well. Some of it is triggered merely by standing eye-to-eye with one another; In addition, the principle of ‘shared governance' can cause threats. Stan describes shared governance as shared principles that both parties believe in that will protect one from each other. He also tells us that this is how society works: we share a similar mythology, an analogous narrative is followed that reflects shared sentiments of governance. Really check out this episode to hear Stan explain it in much more detail. Putting the Relationship First? Stan stands by this practice. He says a lot of breakdown in relationships hinges on differences in focus. If both of you agree to put the kids first over the relationship, Stan believes everyone suffers. He doesn't condone neglecting the child, but just like well-worn maxim of taking care of yourself before others, so too everyone benefits if there's a strong foundation to work with. The Couple Bubble This interesting concept is described as two people protecting their relationship ‘ecosystem'. This system is built on accountability, that is, the push-and-pull of a symbiotic partnership where one action affects the other tangibly. Stan tells you to think of it this way: the couple bubble can either guarantee mutually assured destruction or mutually assured survival! Keeping the bubble in focus is extremely important. Much more is said. Do yourself a favor and listen along! What About Mutually Exclusive Needs? During the episode, the very crucial question of differing needs arise. What if there are instances, major or minor, where accommodating each other is very difficult. A job interview that necessitates a move, or simply a softball game that cuts into bowling night. Whatever the event, Stan stresses the need for win-win situations to be created. This compromise works well to keep couples engaged and actively working for each other. When asked if anyone can learn these skills of creating win-wins and of being attuned to the needs of the delicate relationship ecosystem, Stan says it's not a matter of capacity but of will. If you are chained to someone, you will work together to move successfully. If you are stranded on an island, you will work with your partner to survive. If you are locked in a room with the only stipulation being that you need to come to an agreement, you will think of something. It is will and not capacity. Stan's Take on Sex To keep this brief, being transparent, communicating, cutting back on self-serving sexual practices, understanding the reasons for performance anxiety, and quickly addressing disagreements before your negative biases compound the problem are all aspects that are discussed in this episode. Check it out! We Versus Me Stan closes out the episode by accentuating the importance of focusing on ‘we-ism' over ‘me-ism'. If you can be mindful of instances in your life where self-serving behavior is harming the overall ‘we' dynamic of the relationship, then shifting your priorities is essential. For much more on these powerful concepts, tune into this episode. Very impressive stuff. Key Links for Stan Tatkin For Training and Therapy: The PACT Institute - https://thepactinstitute.com/ Stan's Personal Website: https://stantatkin.com/ Affiliate links for Stan's books (meaning I earn a small commission on your purchase): We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love: https://amzn.to/2EcDOhN Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship https://amzn.to/2QL669Z Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate: https://amzn.to/2EdHsbu Relationship Rx: https://amzn.to/2SGQH83 Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships: https://amzn.to/2Epptj8 More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Stan Tatkin is the founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®(PACT). He has worked with couples for more than fifteen years in his clinical practice. He teaches, he counsels, he writes, he does it all!Stan has authored a few very important books throughout his career, some of them including: Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Wired for Dating, and his latest and the driving point behind this interview, We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love. All in all, I am delighted to have Stan on the show. You are really going to get a lot out of this talk!The Difficulties of Cultivating a Cooperative and Collaborative RelationshipStan lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples. He says both participants in the relationship share power and mutually govern over each other to balance out the dynamic. Because we are perfectly imperfect as human beings, the dynamic is often skewed to one side. Collaboration is hard and positivity is just as difficult to maintain.To you who listen along, Stan will also take you down a fascinating neurological path when he explains our survival mechanisms and how the brain takes shortcuts. These facets of our development make it very hard to maintain secure relationships. Our states of mind, the many different perceptions we experience--of which Stan likens to a funhouse mirror--and our imperfect memories, are of many hurdles to overcome. For much more on this uphill climb, tune in.Threats and Shared GovernanceStan reminds us that the small ‘threats’, the eyerolls, the tone laced with animosity, the cold shoulder, passive aggression, all of it, can compound and show up in a very real biological sense. After time, you will view your spouse as a predator. Not in any malicious sense, but because of self-protective tendencies we have learned over our development, our perceptions can certainly be skewed unknowingly.Our capacity or tendency to be threatened in ingrained within us naturally. It can also be a result of upbringing as well. Some of it is triggered merely by standing eye-to-eye with one another; In addition, the principle of ‘shared governance’ can cause threats. Stan describes shared governance as shared principles that both parties believe in that will protect one from each other. He also tells us that this is how society works: we share a similar mythology, an analogous narrative is followed that reflects shared sentiments of governance.Really check out this episode to hear Stan explain it in much more detail.Putting the Relationship First?Stan stands by this practice. He says a lot of breakdown in relationships hinges on differences in focus. If both of you agree to put the kids first over the relationship, Stan believes everyone suffers. He doesn’t condone neglecting the child, but just like well-worn maxim of taking care of yourself before others, so too everyone benefits if there's a strong foundation to work with.The Couple BubbleThis interesting concept is described as two people protecting their relationship ‘ecosystem’. This system is built on accountability, that is, the push-and-pull of a symbiotic partnership where one action affects the other tangibly.Stan tells you to think of it this way: the couple bubble can either guarantee mutually assured destruction or mutually assured survival! Keeping the bubble in focus is extremely important.Much more is said. Do yourself a favor and listen along!What About Mutually Exclusive Needs?During the episode, the very crucial question of differing needs arise. What if there are instances, major or minor, where accommodating each other is very difficult. A job interview that necessitates a move, or simply a softball game that cuts into bowling night. Whatever the event, Stan stresses the need for win-win situations to be created. This compromise works well to keep couples engaged and actively working for each other.When asked if anyone can learn these skills of creating win-wins and of being attuned to the needs of the delicate relationship ecosystem, Stan says it’s not a matter of capacity but of will.If you are chained to someone, you will work together to move successfully. If you are stranded on an island, you will work with your partner to survive. If you are locked in a room with the only stipulation being that you need to come to an agreement, you will think of something. It is will and not capacity.Stan’s Take on SexTo keep this brief, being transparent, communicating, cutting back on self-serving sexual practices, understanding the reasons for performance anxiety, and quickly addressing disagreements before your negative biases compound the problem are all aspects that are discussed in this episode. Check it out!We Versus MeStan closes out the episode by accentuating the importance of focusing on ‘we-ism’ over ‘me-ism’. If you can be mindful of instances in your life where self-serving behavior is harming the overall ‘we’ dynamic of the relationship, then shifting your priorities is essential.For much more on these powerful concepts, tune into this episode. Very impressive stuff.Key Links for Stan TatkinFor Training and Therapy: The PACT Institute - https://thepactinstitute.com/Stan’s Personal Website: https://stantatkin.com/Affiliate links for Stan’s books (meaning I earn a small commission on your purchase):We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love: https://amzn.to/2EcDOhNWired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship https://amzn.to/2QL669ZWired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate: https://amzn.to/2EdHsbuRelationship Rx: https://amzn.to/2SGQH83Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships: https://amzn.to/2Epptj8More info:Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Stan Tatkin is the founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®(PACT). He has worked with couples for more than fifteen years in his clinical practice. He teaches, he counsels, he writes, he does it all!Stan has authored a few very important books throughout his career, some of them including: Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Wired for Dating, and his latest and the driving point behind this interview, We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love. All in all, I am delighted to have Stan on the show. You are really going to get a lot out of this talk!The Difficulties of Cultivating a Cooperative and Collaborative RelationshipStan lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples. He says both participants in the relationship share power and mutually govern over each other to balance out the dynamic. Because we are perfectly imperfect as human beings, the dynamic is often skewed to one side. Collaboration is hard and positivity is just as difficult to maintain.To you who listen along, Stan will also take you down a fascinating neurological path when he explains our survival mechanisms and how the brain takes shortcuts. These facets of our development make it very hard to maintain secure relationships. Our states of mind, the many different perceptions we experience--of which Stan likens to a funhouse mirror--and our imperfect memories, are of many hurdles to overcome. For much more on this uphill climb, tune in.Threats and Shared GovernanceStan reminds us that the small ‘threats’, the eyerolls, the tone laced with animosity, the cold shoulder, passive aggression, all of it, can compound and show up in a very real biological sense. After time, you will view your spouse as a predator. Not in any malicious sense, but because of self-protective tendencies we have learned over our development, our perceptions can certainly be skewed unknowingly.Our capacity or tendency to be threatened in ingrained within us naturally. It can also be a result of upbringing as well. Some of it is triggered merely by standing eye-to-eye with one another; In addition, the principle of ‘shared governance’ can cause threats. Stan describes shared governance as shared principles that both parties believe in that will protect one from each other. He also tells us that this is how society works: we share a similar mythology, an analogous narrative is followed that reflects shared sentiments of governance.Really check out this episode to hear Stan explain it in much more detail.Putting the Relationship First?Stan stands by this practice. He says a lot of breakdown in relationships hinges on differences in focus. If both of you agree to put the kids first over the relationship, Stan believes everyone suffers. He doesn’t condone neglecting the child, but just like well-worn maxim of taking care of yourself before others, so too everyone benefits if there's a strong foundation to work with.The Couple BubbleThis interesting concept is described as two people protecting their relationship ‘ecosystem’. This system is built on accountability, that is, the push-and-pull of a symbiotic partnership where one action affects the other tangibly.Stan tells you to think of it this way: the couple bubble can either guarantee mutually assured destruction or mutually assured survival! Keeping the bubble in focus is extremely important.Much more is said. Do yourself a favor and listen along!What About Mutually Exclusive Needs?During the episode, the very crucial question of differing needs arise. What if there are instances, major or minor, where accommodating each other is very difficult. A job interview that necessitates a move, or simply a softball game that cuts into bowling night. Whatever the event, Stan stresses the need for win-win situations to be created. This compromise works well to keep couples engaged and actively working for each other.When asked if anyone can learn these skills of creating win-wins and of being attuned to the needs of the delicate relationship ecosystem, Stan says it’s not a matter of capacity but of will.If you are chained to someone, you will work together to move successfully. If you are stranded on an island, you will work with your partner to survive. If you are locked in a room with the only stipulation being that you need to come to an agreement, you will think of something. It is will and not capacity.Stan’s Take on SexTo keep this brief, being transparent, communicating, cutting back on self-serving sexual practices, understanding the reasons for performance anxiety, and quickly addressing disagreements before your negative biases compound the problem are all aspects that are discussed in this episode. Check it out!We Versus MeStan closes out the episode by accentuating the importance of focusing on ‘we-ism’ over ‘me-ism’. If you can be mindful of instances in your life where self-serving behavior is harming the overall ‘we’ dynamic of the relationship, then shifting your priorities is essential.For much more on these powerful concepts, tune into this episode. Very impressive stuff.Key Links for Stan TatkinFor Training and Therapy: The PACT Institute - https://thepactinstitute.com/Stan’s Personal Website: https://stantatkin.com/Affiliate links for Stan’s books (meaning I earn a small commission on your purchase):We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love: https://amzn.to/2EcDOhNWired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship https://amzn.to/2QL669ZWired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate: https://amzn.to/2EdHsbuRelationship Rx: https://amzn.to/2SGQH83Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships: https://amzn.to/2Epptj8More info:Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring LoveStan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, teacher, and author who integrates neuroscience, attachment theory, and current therapies. He is the developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), and he and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, created the PACT Institute to train other psychotherapists in this methodology. Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente in Woodland Hills, CA, is assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, and directs training programs throughout North America and globally. He is the author of Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, and Your Brain on Love: TheNeurobiology of Healthy Relationships.

Stan Tatkin is a clinical psychologist, couples and family therapist, and the author of Wired for Love. With Sounds True, he has published a new book titled We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Stan about his unique methodology, the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT). Stan explains his definition of a couple as a "biological survival unit" and some of the common occurrences that threaten the long-term cohesion of that unit. Tami and Stan discuss the ways attachment styles affect our ability to be in relationship and how we have to accept partners along with their burdens. Finally, Stan details what it means to have "secure functioning" in a relationship and the key lessons for creating a healthy, loving long-term partnership. (69 minutes) Tami's Takeaway: "Everyone is a pain in the ass," teaches Stan, "and so are you." Listening to Stan, I developed an even deeper appreciation of my beloved wife of 17 years, how she puts up with me . . . and how I put up with her. It also illuminated how the combination can lead to what Stan calls "a secure functioning relationship" where we see each other realistically, not idealistically, and are committed to collaborating as a successful "survival unit" consisting of two perfectly imperfect human beings.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy. This report compares Emotionally Focused Therapy, Relational Life Therapy, The Developmental Model, The Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, IMAGO, Gottman, and Internal Family Systems. The episode today discusses the 5 losing strategies and also 5 winning strategies that couples can use in order to stop feeling stuck. Shane Birkel also gets into how to use the feedback wheel which is a valuable resource for helping couples communicate. The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week. There is an episode released every Tuesday about the practice of couples therapy. Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes! If you enjoyed the episode please leave a rating and review on iTunes. Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group Learn more about the membership site for Couples Therapists and get on the list at https://couplestherapistcouch.com/work-with-me/  

“Relationships are difficult,” begins Dr. Stan Tatkin in his 2016 TED Talk. However, as you will see… they are not impossible; in fact, being in a relationship with another human being and becoming on expert on each other, is actually one of the most rewarding things in life.There is hope – whether you are needing the tools to tune up and repair some of the current ruptures in your relationship, or want to take a good relationship to great, Stan Tatkin helps show us the way through the shallows of dating, all the way through to the “I do” and how to navigate the deeper waters.Learning how to take care of ourselves through loving one another is a meaningful practice which brings about a new fulfillment, and richer life where the rewards are a revved up relationship that will thrive far into the future.Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialized for the last 15 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships. He and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice.***Hosted by Stephanie James. Produced by Chris Lanphear for NoCo Media, Ltd.Music Credits: "One Blink For Yes" (from Stranger Things) by Kyle Dixon and Michael Stein, "All You Need Is Love" by The BeatlesHear new episodes Wednesdays at 9pm Eastern/7pm Mountain on NoCo FM: https://noco.fm (https://noco.fm)Listen to us on the RadioPublic app: https://www.thesparkpod.com/pod/radiopublic (https://www.thesparkpod.com/pod/radiopublic)The Spark With Stephanie James is supported by its listeners, and by Audible.com. With over 180,000 titles to choose from, Audible.com allows you to listen to an immense library of books for every taste on your iPhone, Android, Kindle, tablet, or computer, including Resilient by Rick Hanson and Molly's Game by Molly Bloom.Audible.com has a special offer for listeners of The Spark which includes a free audiobook of your choice and a 30-day free trial.Learn more and get your free audiobook now at thesparkpod.com/audible. Support this podcast

Stan Tatkin says that being a Couples Therapist is like being a good Jazz Musician. With a jazz performance, the musicians follow the flow and play in the moment. They're not following a rehearsed piece. No concert is the same. With jazz, it's the many years of practice and expertise, that give each performance its unique identity. As Couples Therapists we bring our own experience and training to each couple we work with. The best Therapists have the ability to be present and trust their instincts to guide couples to what they need. Stan Tatkin is the creator of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy. He is the author of several books for couples which are listed below with links.  The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week. There is an episode released every Tuesday about the practice of couples therapy. Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes! If you enjoyed the episode please leave a rating and review on iTunes. Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group. Check out Stan's website at thepactinstitute.com Stan's TED Talk called Relationships Are Hard, But Why? Stan's books: Wired for Dating Wired for Love Your Brain on Love (6 CD set) Love and War in Intimate Relationships    

How do you keep love alive? It's not what you think!This week, we're diving deep into love, romance, danger, conflict, fact, fantasy and truth with Dr. Stan Tatkin, a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). Tatkin's practice is based in Calabasas, California, where for the last 20 years he has specialized in working with couples, and also individuals who want to be in a relationship.Tatkin and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, Ph.D., founded the PACT Institute where they train psychotherapists to use the PACT method in their clinical practice. They lead couple workshops and train therapists all over the world.Tatkin is also the author of numerous books, including Wired for LOVE: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.+---------------------+We're grateful for the kind support of: ShipStation: Manage and ship your orders. FREE for 30 days, plus a bonus. Visit ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in GOODLIFE.ZipRecruiter: Post jobs for FREE, go to ZipRecruiter.com/good.Cultivating Place: Thoughtful conversations with both world class and everyday ordinary gardeners, growers, naturalists, scientists, artists and thinkers.To take a listen, go to cultivatingplace.com, subscribe to the podcast, and sign up for the monthly newsletter.Tula: Try TULA probiotic skincare today! Go to Tula.com/goodlife to get 20% off and free shipping on your order with the promo code at the top of the screen.

In this episode, Ted Usatynski and Gabrielle Usatynski go into detail about mindfulness practices for couples, the truth behind health in relationships, how to truly make a relationship a spiritual path, and lots of other really important information about how to grow as a couple within a spiritual context. This conversation sheds light on a new perspective about what it means to have a spiritual relationship. There are a lot of preconceived notions about spirituality and mindfulness. Many people assume that it’s really a solitary practice. However, when mindfulness is applied to relationships a powerful process can unfold where you can heal old wounds from the past, deepen into a secure foundation and, ultimately, thrive as a couple. Our guests, Ted Usatynski and Gabrielle Usatynski are married and founded Wake Up Together LLC, a digital education company devoted to bridging the gap between the realm of spiritual development and human relationships. Their online education course called Sacred Intimacy is the first attachment-based program of spiritual development for couples. Ted is the author of Instinctual Intelligence and academic articles on transpersonal psychology, the neurobiology of Tibetan Buddhism, and healing trauma as part of spiritual development. He teaches and leads workshops across the world. Gabrielle is a couples therapist and relationship expert. She has been clinically trained for the past 7 years by Dr. Stan Tatkin in A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). She is also inspired by her education from the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute and her in-depth studies of many spiritual traditions throughout her adult life. In this episode you’ll learn: What is relational mindfulness What is a healthy relationship Spiritual growth between partners A personal story about co-regulation How is your partner your mirror Relational mindfulness and sexuality Visit www.higherpractice.com/podcast to get the show notes for this episode and to learn more about Ted Usatynski and Gabrielle Usatynski’s full course in the Higher Practice Institute.

Welcome to episode seventeen of the Honest Mamas Podcast. Today, our guest is Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, who is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialized for the last 15 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships. He and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. In addition, Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises first- through third-year family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a core member on Relationships First, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. What you’ll hear in this episode   How Stan became an expert working with couples The three attachment styles in the PACT approach—the wave, anchor and island The way in which these attachment styles show up Working with our partners to crate safe and secure attachments How to deal with these issues as children come into the relationship Practical tips on how to manage conflict within a relationship Why you shouldn’t stay in an unhappy relationship just for the kids Resources https://stantatkin.com http://thepackardinstitute.com Ted Talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xKXLPuju8U

In this episode, Ellen Boeder, discusses her personal story of motherhood, how she overcame the challenges of conflicting roles in society, how therapists can support moms, the signs and signals when a mom is healthy and well-resourced, and, most importantly, what to look out for when a mom needs extra support in her life. Although this episode is really geared toward supporting women who are transitioning into motherhood or in the early years of parenting, this episode also applies to any parent or anyone who is thinking of having a child. Last week we explored the attachment and bonding process between parents and infants and how critical that time period is for healthy childhood development. Today is all about what mom’s go through in those first few years of having a new child. In many parts of western civilization, there’s so much emphasis placed on career, and, increasingly, mother’s are often troubled by balancing the roles of being a parent and a mother. And there’s also so many cultural myths and stigmas that mothers face today. We have a guest today who’s going to break down the modern myths of motherhood, what needs to happen with mom’s in a therapy setting, the challenges and triumphs that mom’s are facing every day, and how to recognize a mom that’s well resourced in all the ways that count. And this episode isn’t only about moms. Ellen has a message for fathers who want to learn how to support moms, as well as some thoughts for anyone considering becoming a parent. Ellen Boeder has been a practicing psychotherapist since 2003. She has worked with women in a range of healing contexts, and after becoming a wife and mother to two children, she has shifted her practice to working with couples. Ellen is trained in PACT, the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy. Ellen brings her lived experience as a woman, wife, and mother into her understanding as a clinician.   In this episode you’ll learn: Ellen's perspective as both a therapist and mom on parenting The adjustment as a new mother and balancing other roles Cultural myths and stigmas mother's face every day Relevant support systems for mothers that clinicians need to know about Signs and signals that a mother is well resourced and healthy How mothering can be an experience of gratitude rather than constant overwhelm A message for the fathers in the relationship Visit www.higherpractice.com/podcast to get the show notes for this episode and to learn more about Ellen Boeder.

She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not... Ever spent a moment...or several years(!) wondering whether your mate is right for you—or if you're right for them? You're sure as hell not alone. Romantic relationships are seriously confusing, and much of the time we're unaware of our true feelings because our brains work most happily in autopilot mode. If you're ready for a deeper dive into the land of love (or, not-love), listen to our conversation with Stan Tatkin, clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). Stan teaches family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is author of several books, including Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate, and Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, and Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships. Visit: www.MeditateThisPodcast.com

“When we’re talking about psychobiology, we’re really talking about the brain and the body.” DR. STAN TATKIN, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA. In this interview we discuss his book, Wired for Love. “Robin, you’re terrific, I […]

Why are relationships so hard? If you're anything like I am you've spent immeasurable time and effort clawing away at romantic relationships that just never seem to work out. For me personally, it's been by far the biggest supplier of grist for the mill. When the offer came across my desk to have Stan on the podcast I immediately jumped on it because I not only wanted to bring his wisdom to you but I also wanted to get into the deep end of my own issues. I got so much out of this one. We talked about the patterns within relationships, our nervous systems, gender roles and history, neurobiology and why that plays a role and techniques for dealing with conflict. Stan is smart, wise, very well educated and compassionate. Check out his site, books and this podcast! Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialized for the last 15 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships. He and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. In addition, Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises first- through third-year family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a core member on Relationships First, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. www.stantatkin.com

Aired Thursday, 12 January 2017, 2:00 PM ETIn the age of online dating, finding a real connection can seem more daunting than ever. But, what if there is a way to stack the odds of finding the right person for you in your favor? Everyone wants to find love, but few really understand how and why people become attracted to one another; how to move toward or away from commitment; and the important role the brain and nervous system play in the creation of love and romance. Join Sylvia and Dr. Stan Tatkin as they discuss practical tips that you can use to prepare yourself for dating and love so that you’ll be ready to meet your ideal partner and know how to make a meaningful connection. About the Guest Dr. Stan Tatkin Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is the author of Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, and Love and War in Intimate Relationships. He has a clinical practice in Southern California, teaches at Kaiser Permanente, and is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA. Tatkin developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT®) and together with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, founded the PACT Institute. For more information about Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, visit: www.StanTatkin.com

Dr. Stan Tatkin is a psychotherapist who works with couples. He and his wife founded the PACT Institute (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) which treats couples and trains other therapists in their active, psychobiological approach to conflict resolution. Dr. Tatkin also leads couples’ retreats, teaches at a CA state university, writes books, and speaks at conferences. In this episode of Businesses in Bloom, Stan explains how he came to be fascinated by couples therapy, and how he’s built a successful career around it. To get the show notes for this episode, you can go to http://www.julietaustin.com/bb56

Dr. Stan Tatkin has been a couples therapist for more than 15 years, specializing in "A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy." He describes why it is possible to stay “in the foxhole” together, especially when we accept each others' flaws and irritations. He also offers advice for anyone seeking a relationship who doesn't have one now. He is the author of Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, and Love and War in Intimate Relationships.

Join us as we’ll discuss:Your lover’s - and your own - attachment style.What the ‘couple bubble’ is and how it saves relationships.How we can rewire our brains for better relationships. Dr. Tatkin received his early training in developmental object relations, Gestalt, psychodrama, and family systems theory. His private clinical practice specialized for some time in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders, but more recently, his interests turned to psycho-neurobiological theories of human relationship, and applying principles of early mother-infant attachment to adult romantic relationships. Stan Tatkin and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute to train clinicians in A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT®). A fusion of attachment theory, developmental neuroscience, and arousal regulation, PACT is quickly gaining a reputation for effectively treating couples formerly thought of as untreatable. The PACT Institute hosts trainings in seven US cities as well as in Australia, Canada, Spain, and Turkey. To learn more about Dr. Tatkin go to http://stantatkin.com.

Purchase Stan's Books and CDs Wednesday, Jan 1, 6pm EST: Mitchell's guest tonight is Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT®). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA. Dr. Tatkin has developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice.In addition, Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. Dr. Tatkin is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a member on Relationships First Counsel, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Dr. Tatkin received his early training in developmental object relations (Masterson Institute), Gestalt, psychodrama, and family systems theory. His private practice specialized for some time in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders. More recently, his interests turned to psycho-neurobiological theories of human relationship, and applying principles of early mother-infant attachment to adult romantic relationships. Dr. Tatkin was trained in Vipassana meditation by Shinzen Young, and was an experienced facilitator in Vipassana. He was also trained by David Reynolds in two Japanese forms of psychotherapy, Morita and Naikan. Dr. Tatkin  is a veteran member of Allan N. Schore's study group. He also trained in the Adult Attachment Interview through Mary Main and Erik Hesse's program out of UC Berkeley. You can Listen on-line at www.abetterworld.tv  

Purchase Stan's Books and CDs Wednesday, Jan 1, 6pm EST: Mitchell's guest tonight is Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT®). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA. Dr. Tatkin has developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice.In addition, Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. Dr. Tatkin is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a member on Relationships First Counsel, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Dr. Tatkin received his early training in developmental object relations (Masterson Institute), Gestalt, psychodrama, and family systems theory. His private practice specialized for some time in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders. More recently, his interests turned to psycho-neurobiological theories of human relationship, and applying principles of early mother-infant attachment to adult romantic relationships. Dr. Tatkin was trained in Vipassana meditation by Shinzen Young, and was an experienced facilitator in Vipassana. He was also trained by David Reynolds in two Japanese forms of psychotherapy, Morita and Naikan. Dr. Tatkin  is a veteran member of Allan N. Schore's study group. He also trained in the Adult Attachment Interview through Mary Main and Erik Hesse's program out of UC Berkeley. You can Listen on-line at www.abetterworld.tv  

Purchase Stan's Books and CDs Wednesday, Jan 1, 6pm EST: Mitchell's guest tonight is Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT®). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA. Dr. Tatkin has developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice.In addition, Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. Dr. Tatkin is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a member on Relationships First Counsel, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Dr. Tatkin received his early training in developmental object relations (Masterson Institute), Gestalt, psychodrama, and family systems theory. His private practice specialized for some time in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders. More recently, his interests turned to psycho-neurobiological theories of human relationship, and applying principles of early mother-infant attachment to adult romantic relationships. Dr. Tatkin was trained in Vipassana meditation by Shinzen Young, and was an experienced facilitator in Vipassana. He was also trained by David Reynolds in two Japanese forms of psychotherapy, Morita and Naikan. Dr. Tatkin  is a veteran member of Allan N. Schore's study group. He also trained in the Adult Attachment Interview through Mary Main and Erik Hesse's program out of UC Berkeley. You can Listen on-line at www.abetterworld.tv --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/abwmitchellrabin/support

In this episode, I welcome back the brilliant Dr. Stan Tatkin to the show. This time, we're talking about parenting, especially from the lens of being new parents. Dr. Tatkin co-authored the book Baby Bomb, which dives deep into the nuances of new parenting and the effects it has on the couple's relationship dynamic. Couples are often unprepared for the challenges of parenthood and lack a solid foundation in their relationship. Dr. Tatkin covers topics like disagreements in parenting style, embracing the change in sexual dynamics, and how to master communication and connection. Whether you've got a babe on the way, are a new parent, or are interested in learning how to parent better - this episode is a MUST listen! Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT is a clinician, researcher, and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He is the best-selling author of In Each Other's Care (4/25), along with the relationship must-have book, Wired for Love. Dr. Tatkin speaks and teaches around the world on how to understand, create and sustain secure-functioning relationships. He helps couples create healthy attachments and secure-functioning relationships based on fairness, justice, and sensitivity. In addition to his robust clinical practice in Calabasas, California, Dr. Tatkin and Tracey lead couples through Wired For Love Couple Retreats -- both online and in person across the United States and Europe.    —Dr. Tatkin's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drstantatkin/ —The PACT Institute Website: https://www.thepactinstitute.com/ Themes: Authenticity, Belonging, Parenting, New Parents, Relationships, Boundaries, Attachment Theory, Transformation, Conflict, Mental Health, Psychology 0:00:00 Intro 0:10:57 Co-regulating Practices for Improved Communication and Connection 0:14:16 Challenges in Modern Times: Distractions, Isolation, and Lack of Support 0:16:41 Fighting for Two Winners: The Concept of Win-Win in Relationships 0:19:07 Navigating Disagreements in Parenting Styles 0:21:12 Parenting: Collaborative and ever-evolving 0:23:11 Taking charge of parenting, creating something entirely different 0:27:00 Understanding intimacy and embracing change in sexual dynamics 0:29:02 Growing up, accepting losses, and deepening intimacy in relationships 0:30:57 Embracing the opportunity to become a better couple through parenting 0:33:25 Profound Insights on Communication Struggles and Self-awareness 0:35:23 The Humaneness of Communication: An Opportunity for Growth This episode is sponsored by: —BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/GROVES —SafeSleeve: Use code GROVES10 for 10% off sitewide at safesleevecases.com Drop us a note at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, guest suggestions, or just to say hello!