Podcast appearances and mentions of jane jackson

Happy Sunday!!! This week we talk about all things Sam's son's birthday/MIL issues and Morgan's aversion to antique shops and then review It's a love story by Annabel Monaghan where Sam is convinced that Jack's name is Jake for the majority of the review. If you want to skip the chit chat the review begins at the 10 min mark!    Don't forget to follow all of our socials here!   Book Summary:  From the USA Today bestselling author of Nora Goes Off Script, a novel about a former adolescent TV punchline who has left her awkwardness in the rearview mirror thanks to a fake-it-till-you-make-it mantra that has her on the cusp of success, until she tells a lie that sets her on a crash-course with her past, spending a week in Long Island with the last man she thinks might make her believe in love. Rules for a love story: There are none. It's all a lie. Jane Jackson knows that true love is a lie. Laughter is the only truth—you can't fake a belly laugh. Jane should know, she spent her adolescence as "Poor Janey Jakes," the barbecue-sauce-in-her-braces punchline on America's fifth-favorite sitcom. Now she's a Creative Executive at Clearwater Studios and she's living by a new mantra: Fake it till you make it. Except, she might have faked it too far. Desperate to get her first project greenlit and riled up by pompous cinematographer and one-time crush Dan Finnegan, she opened her mouth and a big fat fib fell out. She claimed that Jack Quinlan, hottest popstar of the moment, has promised to write an original song for the soundtrack. Jack may have been her first kiss—and greatest source of shame—but she hasn't spoken to him in twenty years. Now, Jane must turn to the last man she'd ever want to owe: Dan Finnegan. Because Jack is playing a festival in Dan's hometown on Long Island, and Dan has an in. A week in close quarters with Dan while facing down her past is Jane's idea of hell, but Dan just might surprise her. While covering up her lie, can they find something true?

Love Your Career Podcast? Let us know!In episode 273 I welcome Jane Anderson, a globally recognised strategic communications expert, to Your Career Podcast, nine years after our first interview (ep77)!Jane shares her journey of professional growth and personal transformation, offering valuable insights for female consultants growing their businesses.With 20+ years of experience, Jane has worked with over 180,000 people to build trust and influence in their businesses and brands. Her achievements include:Top 3 branding guru globally50+ industry awardsFeatured in Business Insider, Sydney Morning Herald, ForbesAuthor of 13 booksHost of "The Jane Anderson Show" podcastClients: Virgin Australia, Lego, Ikea, Rio TintoJane's JourneyJane reflects on her evolution since 2016, including winning the Australian Small Business Champion Award this year. She's successfully created a balanced business model aligned with her values, and thrives on supporting consultants to create businesses that align with their values and career aspirations.Our conversation covers valuable insights for all consultants.Female Business CommunityJane has created a supportive community for Australia's leading female B2B consultants, addressing isolation challenges:"Building genuine connections and having a supportive network is essential for overcoming business growth challenges."Mentorship Impact"Female leaders pushed me to take on tasks beyond my capabilities. They saw potential I couldn't yet see in myself."These experiences taught her to step outside her comfort zone to achieve growth.AI for Small BusinessJane's practical insights for leveraging AI:Empower virtual assistants with AI toolsUse CopyAI to repurpose contentMaintain original thought leadershipImplement effective prompt engineeringGrowth ChallengesCommon pitfalls:Unclear messaging and positioningInsufficient infrastructureUnderpricing servicesResistance to technological adaptationUpcoming EventsContent Creation Boot Camp: Bali (25-26 June 2025)Content Creation Boot Camp: Kingscliff, NSW (20-21 September 2025)These two-day workshops help create a year's worth of content for multiple platforms.This reunion episode highlights persistence, adaptation, and community in career building. Jane's journey shows how embracing change and continuous development leads to extraordinary growth.Jane Anderson, Strategic Communication Expert******************** >>> For career clarity and confidence, download Jane's career resources at janejacksoncoach.com Support the showFind out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes) https://careersuccess.scoreapp.com/ Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately.

After suffering complications during the birth of her son, Leo, in 2021, former Made in Chelsea star Louise Thompson developed PTSD. Now, she's been trying to break the taboo surrounding birth trauma by posting about it to her 1.5 million followers on social media. Louise was invited to Parliament to hear women addressing the Birth Trauma Inquiry last year, led by MP Theo Clarke, and wrote about her experience in her Sunday Times Bestselling book, Lucky. Louise joins Clare McDonnell.It's estimated that one in seven grandparents in the UK are estranged from their grandchildren but legally they have no automatic right to contact. 18 years ago Jane Jackson set up Bristol Grandparents Support Group when she and her husband found themselves estranged from their seven year old granddaughter. Jane joins Clare to discuss supporting grandparents who find themselves in a similar situation. Family lawyer Vanessa Lloyd Platt explains the current legal situation and why she believes there should be an amendment to the Children's Act.

Love Your Career Podcast? Let us know!In episode 270 of Your Career Podcast I welcome back Dr. Kyle Elliott, tech industry specialist and trauma-informed career coach, to discuss the evolving job market in 2025 and practical strategies for job seekers. I first interviewed Kyle in episode 181 during which he shared his career journey - a fascinating account of transition and change.And now, from navigating layoffs to leveraging AI responsibly, this episode provides invaluable insights to help listeners feel calm, confident, and in control during their job search.Key Discussion Topics for Job Seekers:1. The State of the Job Market in 2025Current trends in the U.S. and Australia job markets.The impact of AI and layoffs on recruitment timelines and job-seeking challenges.2. AI in Recruitment: Friend or Foe?How AI has revolutionized recruitment while also depersonalizing the process.Strategic tips for job seekers to stand out in an AI-driven world.3. The Importance of NetworkingWhy building human-to-human connections is more critical than ever.Advice on how to prioritise genuine interactions over mass applications.4. Trauma-Informed Career CoachingUnderstanding how past experiences can impact the job search process.Tools to manage emotions, build self-worth, and project confidence.5. Skills for the FutureThe growing demand for soft skills like collaboration, communication, and leadership.How coaching principles can enhance leadership effectiveness.6. Building Hope and ResilienceWhy staying hopeful and focusing on controllable aspects of the job search is key.Practical strategies to manage setbacks and maintain mental well-being.Free Resource: Job Search Launch GuideDr. Kyle Elliott has shared his free "Job Search Launch Guide," a step-by-step resource to help job seekers prioritize their efforts and navigate their search with clarity and confidence. Download the guide here.  Support the showFind out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately.

Love Your Career Podcast? Let us know!In episode 268 of YOUR CAREER Podcast, Sydney based Career Coach and podcast host, Jane Jackson, speaks with Dr. Annie Cole, Ed.D. who is an expert money coach and financial educator.Annie discusses how she was able to make several successful career transitions despite the challenges she faced.  She shares that in her 20s, she was a burnt-out social worker struggling on a $26,000 salary. However, by her 30s, Annie had climbed the ladder to a Vice President role, invested over $350k, owned $1 million in real estate, and cut 20 years off her retirement date. She now runs her own coaching business, Money Essentials for Women, and inspires women to step into new levels of money mastery and confidence.In this episode, Jane and Annie discuss how she now teaches women to master all areas of their finances, from budgeting and paying off debt to investing, building wealth, and retiring early.  Get your tickets to the Money Essentials Virtual Conference, Your Rich Year 2025Get Annie's Book, 101 Ways to Build Wealth, on Amazon or as an eBookDownload Annie's guide, Job Search Tips for 2025 Support the showFind out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately.

Love Your Career Podcast? Let us know!In this episode of Your Career Podcast, we share a LinkedIn Livestream during which Jane Jackson welcomes LinkedIn expert Kevin D. Turner to unpack LinkedIn's latest features for job seekers. With over 220 updates introduced recently, Jane and Kevin share invaluable insights on how to leverage LinkedIn's evolving tools to enhance job search success.Key LinkedIn Features discussed during our live broadcast include:1. Optimising Your LinkedIn Profile for RecruitersKevin emphasises the importance of searchable job titles, verified skills, and filling out job preferences to ensure your profile appears in recruiter searches. Job seekers should focus on selecting skills and experience from LinkedIn's dropdown menus, which function as "market value filters," making profiles more searchable and ensuring they're accurately ranked.2. Leveraging New LinkedIn AI and Premium Tools LinkedIn has introduced new AI features for cover letter and resume customization, making it easier to tailor applications for specific roles. Additionally, tools like LinkedIn Learning, the job preference dashboard, and profile verification badges help boost credibility and visibility, particularly when used with premium membership features.3. Building Genuine Connections with Voice and VideoUse LinkedIn's voice pronunciation feature and in-message video/voice notes to make a memorable impression. Creating engaging content and having authentic interactions help cultivate relationships with connections, setting the foundation for valuable networking and increased profile activity.Jane and Kevin conclude by inspiring job seekers to actively cultivate conversations and share thought leadership on LinkedIn, transforming passive profiles into powerful, dynamic career assets.For regular career and LinkedIn tips and udpates, connect with Jane on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/janejackson and connect with Kevin on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/president Support the showFind out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately.

Love Your Career Podcast? Let us know!How to secure a mentor and fast track your career. Helen Doukas is a formidable woman who has recently pivoted from a career as General Counsel to founder in the global tech space (having worked for companies like Uber and Yahoo) to start her own business Nuvo Work.  In episode 265 of YOUR CAREER PODCAST with Jane Jackson, Jane and Helen discuss the changing landscape of work due to technological, social and other trends, and how the future of work will continue to change in ways we can't predict today.  How can you keep up when career education is not changing fast enough? As the founder of Nuvo Work, Helen explains how you can book personalised sessions with vetted experts across various industries globally. From tech innovators to business mentors, they have the leaders who can help you grow and succeed!You will gain insightful advice from experts who've been there, done that. Plus receive tailored feedback to fast-track your career. This is an excellent opportunity to learn at your own pace.Nuvo Work allows you to book a session with a vetted career expert for 1:1 micro learning, on demand.  It's a space for the new world of work, to help you stay on the leading edge, whether it be through a top tier mentor, developing a new skill or connecting with the fractional expertise to propel your business forward.   Website: https://nuvo.work Instagram: @nuvo.work Helen on LinkedIn  Support the showFind out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately.

Love Your Career Podcast? Let us know!Breaking Through the Shell - What

Love Your Career Podcast? Let us know!Redundancy is a challenging experience that many professionals face at some point in their careers. With over 24 years supporting professionals in transition after a redundancy, I understand very well the roller coaster of emotions you will experience – especially if the redundancy was sudden and unexpected.  And if you did have notice this might happen to your role, the toll it takes and stress it causes when waiting for the 'axe to fall' affects your confidence and mental health. It is so important to remember that redundancies occur often because of broader economic factors and necessary organisational changes. NOT DUE TO YOUR ABILITY as a professional.If it happens to YOU, it can hit hard.  Having a coach to guide you through the experience and the rebuilding process helps to make your transition smoother and faster. So in this episode of YOUR CAREER PODCAST, I'm sharing ways that will help you to manage the aftermath of redundancy and get back in control of your life and career. From handling stress and finances to crafting a winning job search strategy and preparing for interviews, I have you covered.  Grab a pen and paper and take notes as there's a lot to cover!- - - - - Support the Show.Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately.

Love Your Career Podcast? Let us know!Many women worry about their financial future, especially when going through a divorce, recently widowed, and unsure of how to manage their money.  I'm delighted to speak with Retirement Strategist, Christie McCabe, in today's episode of Your Career Podcast. Christie is a dynamic sales, marketing, and business strategist with a proven track record of driving strategic initiatives and delivering outstanding results worldwide. Having worked with Christie several years ago, she impressed me with her unwavering tenacity, resilience and determination to succeed regardless of inevitable challenges.With over two decades of experience across diverse industries, Christie has honed her expertise in marketing, communications, and business development, transforming businesses on a global scale.  Now Christie is a Retirement Strategist at WoW Women International Group, working with Tracey Sofra, recipient of the Women in Financial Services Award “Financial Planner of the Year."  Christie helps to empower women to take charge of their financial futures through education and implementation.If you're looking for a role model in perseverance and finding your perfect career fit, Christie is the ideal person to speak with. She excels at navigating career and skill set transitions, earning her the title of the “Queen of Finding the Ideal Job” and stopping at nothing until she achieves it! I am honoured that she says her finely honed skills in seeking the perfect career were sharpened by working with me within my Career Success Program! Connect with Christie on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/christiemccabe/ Website https://wowwomen.com.au/ Click the button that says, “See how our program works' to take control of your financial future************************ Support the Show.Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately.

“Magic Mike” is the Chief Marketing Officer at UseVerb, a brilliant new recruitment platform that is revolutionising the way companies recruit and the way candidates submit their job applications.Mike is also a family man, world traveller and community contributor who has over 20 years experience within the Oil and Gas industry.  Interestingly, after years of pursuing titles and egos, achievements, Michael experienced a profound shift in perspective. He realised that true success lies in IMPACT, purpose, and authenticity. This epiphany led him to UseVerb, where he found a harmonious alignment of values and vision, a platform emphasising personal interactions like smiles and handshakes, celebrating the human aspect in professional connections.Today, Michael is a leading figure at UseVerb, championing a people-first approach. UseVerb is not just his workplace; it's part of a movement towards a more humane, connected professional world.Mike is also dedicated to the Nations Church Missions Team, where he engages in various initiatives, including Love Community outreach, Sports Chaplaincy, and projects in Cambodia."Your word is your word, and your word is your bond." This principle is the cornerstone of Michael's life and leadership, reflecting his commitment to integrity and action.As Michael embarks on this new chapter with UseVerb, his journey represents not just career progression but personal transformation. It's a story of aligning work with values and serving as a beacon for those aspiring to make a real difference in the world. He is married to Bec for 15 years, sharing life with three children and Coco, the family's beloved dog.Key quotes from our discussion in episode 260 of YOUR CAREER Podcast:“PEOPLE COME FIRST, NOT RESUMES”“LISTEN TO WHO YOU ARE BECOMING” and this beautiful quote from Michael's mother: “LOVE IS SPELT ‘T.I.M.E.” Connect with Michael on LinkedInVisit UseVerb* * * * * * * * * * *  Support the Show.Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately.

In this episode, Kate is joined by Founder of the Bristol Grandparents Support Group, Jane Jackson, and amicable Divorce Specialist, Anthony Syder to discuss role of grandparents during parental separation and divorce.About the episode Kate, Jane and Anthony touch on a variety of topics including what can happen during an acrimonious separation, especially how grandparents can lose touch with their grandchildren, as well as the rights they may have and the more amicable ways of regaining contact. This episode is full of tips and highlights the importance of putting the children first, as well as the value grandparents can bring to children's upbringing.  Meet the guestsJane founded the Bristol Grandparents Support Group in 2007 when she lost contact with her granddaughter due to her sons' divorce.The support group aims to inform people of the issues surrounding Grandparents and their rights to see their Grandchildren when contact has been denied.Jane holds bi-monthly support groups remotely to help grandparents deal with estrangement, an issue affecting one in seven.Anthony is a Divorce Specialist at amicable and has worked in the area of divorce, mediation and family dispute resolution for the past 10  years. His areas of interest include the voice of the child and diverse and inclusive families.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_aLRVCa76U The Wackness The Blackness You can't escape it. The likes of the United States of America masterminded the false flag “terror attack” on its own citizens in 2001 in order to deceive it's citizens into a police state to suit the New World Order; Now, New York City preys upon its weakest and most vulnerable inhabitants via inhumane psychological terrorism, gangstalking, terror hacking, and other forms of psycholotical terrorism in order to maintain the inequivocal social and justice issues plaguing the united states of Asmerica; the globalization of a one-world government, and the continuation of the human slavetrae system from which the United states of america has built itself and has been thriving on, priding itself on being the strongest country in the world: However, it shall soon see its own de mise, with the importation of hundreds of thousands of non-natural citizens in an attempt to close the plummeting world economy, thereby once again prioritizing thousands of lives over the lives of the Indigenous and involuntarily Imported descendants of the AFRICAN BLACK american slaves YOU'RE BLAAAAA—- I get it. Shut up. BLACK. Please be quiet. BLAC shh . B please shut up. I'm allowed to have an extreme distaste for impoliteness Disgusting habits Lack of hygiene Honestly, I don't care what color you are Stop disturbing the peace NO JUSTICE NO– SHUT UP. Listen, I don't want to go through this again. I'm not going to kill myself Not today satan. I have too much to– Oh, really, I have nothing better to do than Make money? MAKE MONEY. Broke ass bitch. You realize, blacks mexicans Immagrants poor whites ugly /fat people that you're all still slaves. that the people telling you that “it's okay to not be ok” Are the exact people making everything not ok for profit. Oh, but also if your family owned slaves and property from slavery you should have to give a certain amount of your income to re-allocate some of the resources you– well , lets just face it STOLE YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WASH YOUR FUCKING PUSSY. (and also just *coughing* *toxcity* *grossness* getaway from me.. *coughing* gross . *talking on the phone at 5 am* Mmmmmmmmmhmm SHUT Yo. Where are the indigenous people? Dead. or somewhere out there claiming to be 1/32.1/2th Cherokee and pretending not to listen to taylor swift. I MADE IT. I actually hate you. I knew it was a set up from the moment i walked in the door. There she sat, hunched over in the corner, almost hiding as if to try to surprise me. But I had already been psychologically tortured with the permanant record of my own past with enough audacity that I understood that I was being provoked and manipulated; And I was tired of it. They all coughed. They all wanted to have “random” “friendly conversations about my Pedophile Wifebeater ExHusband. God Help Him (No, Seriously, help him) Because— he tore my son away from me and e verybody in Very racist, very right wing, very color-coded, colonized Rural Alaska Assured that i (being a black woman) was the problem. –and you know what? Perhaps I was. WHAT HAPPENED TO FELEYSHA WILLIAMS. Idk. she's probably dead or tweaked out somewhere. I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. Ok. But you're ging to have to torture me consistently for at least a few weeks until we fight. He deserves custody. You're crazy. Cool. i don't want to spend the rest of my life arguing with someone who looks like someone who ruined my life trying to explain why it's salad until after puberty just to make sure his beauty doesn't ruin his life. Because all he eats is processed foods and plays video games and watches anime anyway so, Really it's a perfect world, for him. He's a perfect boy. I was told he didn't love me Didn't want me Didn't ask about me And didn't need me. So i left. Well, no– I tried to kill myself first (or did) Whatever Then I left. No, actually i tried to stay and split custody down the middle so nobody would have to pay child support. It wouldn't be fair to either of us, right, but: So here I am trying to explain how Yo, look. I left my shit in a locked parked car in a parking lot To push out a 5 minute shit And when I got back Everything was gone. hm. oh , you know what? No, the car was still there. The car was still there. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I was real lucky for that, cause I lived in it. hm . Lucky for me. AH, shit. It was a rental, though, so I still owe someone a lot of money Interesting For getting ROBBED. So, here's the thing This: BEING A DISGUSTING, OBNOXIOUS, LOUD, COUGHING, DRINKING, SMOKING, PIECE OF Oh, that's what it is. It's my ex's energy. That. Doing the LEAST. Doesn't even know what clean IS so fucking fat he'll never see his penis EVER again and anybody else who does honestly it's cool, I just feel bad for her, honestly, like ? *gross pedophile wifebeater* You can't just go around calling people pedophiles! You can when everything they're obsessively sexually attracted to what looks like a kid or sometimes IS a kid without him realizing that Or is when they're openly watching porn and masturbating With a toddler. Yes. that actually happened. No, it didn't. I saw you. Well ,nobody will ever believe me, I guess because– Because the first time he hit me, I covered for him But only I begged him to stay with US THREE OF US a two year old, a one month old And me the wife that was so paralized from depression After learning that her husband The only man she ever truly “loved” had cheated The. entire . time So not only did I waste my time– My body is ruined, and I'MJUSTGOINGTOKILLMYSELF. –not the thing you want to hear as you're trying to stop the blood from pouring out of your face. My whatever . fuck this story. What why? Cause it SUCKS. PLUS I'm apparently “Very very bright” Hm And we're at the midsts of an Environmental Crisis *Multiple **Environmental*Crises Just at the tip Of another manipulated global disaster Which has left most the population Lazy and docile enough to not care About anything Anymore I care about my son. I don't care about your stuff; And I didn't take anything from you You gross, dirty, coughing ass, stinking pussy ass Grotesque Fuck it. I just don't care I have all my own shit. Honestly, I was just sick of beng reminded of this dumb sack of shit. It wasn't real. They were all actors gangstalkers undercovers CIA agents Welfare Office Workers What? Hey, look, just so you're aware Being in the system actually technically on paper strips you of some of your basic human rights and decencies. You are State Property. Bought and Sold for the benefit of The Highest bidder, Who, Never you mind, Is of the highest power In this predicament H O W E V E R I had finally been given an out; An apartment, far away from the Check it out, I was being studied, provoked, recorded, questioned about a past I was only trying to forget and gulted over and over as if i had abandoned my child on purpose No, son. Daddy just has issues And mommy has issues And I'm really really sorry about this But you're the most beautiful, Wonderful, Amazing Person I've ever met in my life, Bear(r) And I'm proud to be your FATHER. huh . what. I'm a girl. No. You're not; He's the girl. Bitch ass babymomma . Fuck it, just go be with ___ then. Oh, amazing I love this one. I never cheated I just retreated So I could repeat this: “he cheated! He cheated” “he beat me, he beat me” “I hate him, I hate him” My best friend was Annie My Lover was Davies –doesn't matter these days, though same place Salt Lake Saltair It's been years. You know how, When you're a kid, And you [Get scraped] Oh shit, I missed a – A lot. hm . You ever have another kid pick your scab off for you– Wayyyyy before it was ready? YOu ever like– You get it?? Yo, i get this is like government, public housing or whatever IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN Why does she have to be “ignorant” can't she just be NO Because she was Extremely ignorant, this particular one, and so are most of the other ignorant black people who work in social services because white people a . wouldn't do it. b . aren't equipped Because the kind of black people you meet in a new york city homeless shelter are —no , i'm not actually THAT racist— just the lowest quality people [LCD] Lowest Common Denomonator She stole my ID. Fucku. So i'm a low quality people. Yep. You suck. Ok. I'm gonna go suck at Equinox for six hours. Go, then. Don't follow me. But We're watching you. Someone's always watching me. I'm famous, But not rich And every time i make any money my ex husband gets to buy drugs and ciggarettes with it. CHILD SUPPORT Before: Literally doesn't answer phone for months. Me: Thinking my child is dead because i can't get ahold of him, it's always winter in alaska and the roads are made of ice. Panic, fear, paralyzing depression And when I finally DO get in touch; It's because: ACTUAL BEST FRIEND I haen't heard from ***** at all but a little while ago some girl called me and was yelling at me accusing of cheating with him. ME AHAHAH ACTUAL BEST FRIEND AHAHAHA US LOL SKRILLE wait , this is a different story NO, it really fucking ISN'T. SO All my wages are garnshed to pay child support I can't even TALK to my kid and Oh yeah. I was only ever homeless in the first place because This is where it happened: BITCH *throws fake house plant* *RAGE* RURNJRNH *PUNCH to the FACE 1 This cannot be happening *PUNCH TO THE FACE 2* Wow, that really sounds like in the mov– *PUNCH TO THE FACE 3* HE'S NOT STOPPING, I GOTTA *literally can't go anywhere, also being strangled* so somewhere between punches 3 and 5 *FIVE PUNCHES TO THE FACE* And I mean, he was winding his arm back and everything Oh, it was weird how like my third roommate gave me almost the exact same injuries fighting over the thermostat. I'm cold. I'm hot Well, yeah, you're from Peru and I'm from LA Alaska, so I ean technically really neither of us are built for this but hey– America needs corporate slaves so, Welcome. Yo soy triste. Ay! Dios Mios. Ahora YO soy triste! *crying* Dios Mio Anyway, they know you're like some kind of like– Wizard, or like– Wizardry's alright– —Like a fairy– I'm way, way bigger than any “fairies” i've seen (and more powerful) Some kind of like a KEISHA THE ROADCOP Why's she a road cop? Idk. My brain backwards remembers her from that random McDonalds, though, when. WAY, WAY BEFORE THAT: (kinda) This hasn't happened in a really long time Staying up all night in ableton, Then only for the day to come To write and think about how I've been fasting again, but not on purpose I've just been so stressed Because all the bodies in my simulation are inhuman , coughing Keigha seemed human Kinda I loved her. I love her. I actually liked that one. By that time it was obvious that it was all an inside job; Each “roomate” i had been paired with had been given a specific list of buttons to push, Things to talk about Topics to discuss But mostly– Buttons to push. Look, if I commit suicide and anyone cares at all, there are thousands of recordings and writings Which indicate “she struggled greatly with mental illness' Or how about I suffer greatly from My 3rd grade teacher was a classic closet racist. I'm eight. She's a huge, unmarried mormon white lady And that's super unommon (Even for the fat ones) Fat people can have normal lives!! Not really. That's a lie. BODY POSITIVITY no , you should be ashamed. why . Because ive literally been tormented my ooh , also this I've been tortured, taunted, and humiliated my entire life, Made to feel lesser than, And shamed repeatedly for not only my weight, But my skin color– and that's a whole other thing. NO. Having a disability and being black are not the same thing. NO. It's not the same thing to “skinny shame” someone as it is to ===== Look, you're looking for equality, right? NO. Why? Because ME is not equal to HER. Why not. I surfer more– –I work harder. Oh, look, by the way, I've finally figured it out that YOU LIVE IN THE JUNGLE WHAT'S A JUNGLE?!?!?! YOU'RE FAT. WHAT'S WHAT MEAN?! IT'S BAAAAD. But here, eat this: What is it: It's hamburger helper What's this gonna help? Nothin. THIRD GRADE TEACH She's a very bright girl, she jut has trouble focusing. BULLY *passing note* “Losser” SHE SPELLED ‘LOSER' WRONG. HOW AM I THE LOSER? SHE'S NOT EVEN SMART. *white passing, bilingual 8 year old* [Some spanish shit, honestly i don't know what she said because it blew my mind that she did not look, and yet was MEXICAN. FIrst season: Well, since even when I work full time and have two jobs I still can't afford an apartment, even if I DIDN'T have an eviction on my record, oh . Well, yeah; I got fired from my job I couldn't function. Like, at all I could still breastfeed, kind of *ouch* But that's it. I just couldn't… BENTLEY is a yorkshire terrier *teacup BENTLEY *is a Teacup Yorkshire Terrier What about this other thing? Which other thing? Oh, I mean, I'm not racist; I don't care what color you are Or where you come from But act decently -NOBODY wants to hear your phone conversations NOBODY wants to wake up to the sund of your voice every day (especially after the things you've said and done to them) And NOBODY Wants to pick up your trash. In fact, If that were my job, I'd have killed myself already bcause Well. This Fucking Sucks. I quit. YOU'RE THE DEVIL. YOU LEFT YOUR FAMILY TO TRY TO BE A ROCKSTAR. Actually, my family abandoned me and left me homeless when I started Eating an all-organic (at first, raw foods) whole foods diet. wtf. This is salad, no dressing. Yep. For like– Seriously my diet has been the most depressing thing about me ever since i've been maintaining my body. See. You can quit heroin. You don't NEED it to survive, Unless you're Scribbly Pibbles Aka You know what? It's not funny anymore Nevermind. When your friends go out for ice cream Ha Or Pizza Lol Lets Get McDonalds. OK, I guess i'll just starve, then. I guess we could insert the scene with Raven Symone here then? Which one? Idk. WHere is it. Idk. IT's buries. *buried [buries] Mm. Yummah. WE'll find it. I don't think we're gonna find it Maybe Sonny has it. Damn, fuck that Or maybe Dillon? [Dillon Francis is a very white man] No, but– I don't think it's safe to put any Disney or NBC shit in here cause it's like, you know YOu know what? [Censored] Hey, yeah I don't give a fuck about your shit Like at all But since you want a war And i've been brushing up on all my Office politics and strategies Then I guess since *ONE ATTACK ON MY SOUL* stop provoking me, satan Do you think he actually controls demons, or it's just the government is controlled by the white supremacists And you're being set up to fail A little of both, It's like a roller coaster Minus the plummet Explosions Co– Look, I actually can't write right now, I snapped. What do you mean I just snapped. I can't sleep I also just quit smoking weed. again Well, why'd you start Literally everyone around me for the last Who fucking knows how long but– Every single body around me starts *coughing* So maybe i must be the toxin This whole world just smells like poison Why are you trying to sterilize me. JOIN THE MILIT NO. No guns. What. PEACE. Beg your pardon. NO, NOW i'M BEGGING, ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE LEFT ALONE It's me again Get away from me you creepy ass nigga hey , it's me again stop being around. Out of sight, out of mind. You know, I was almost, almost dead Right So after being tortured by the US government about being SUPACREE Bruh, I'm telling you to quit provoking me. You're everything that's wrong with the world. Apparently, yeah so i tried to change that And by the time i do I'm obsolete TYLA, EVERYBODY! The me that everyone loved. The me that was perfect The me with Whatever she had to make her look like that (Water, btw. ) No, we don't have water. You'll have to drink it out of the sink. What. *dirty, disgusting homeless shelter bathroom sink* yeah , drink that. IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN AND DON'T FORGET I'M BETTER THAN YOU CAUSE I'M NOT HOMELESS (Anymore) Because the homeless system in itself is like a big , bleeding, gaping wound of systemic racism Within itself WHY ARE WE GIVING NON-CITIZENS SO MUCH MONEY?! It goes back into OUR econ NO, iT DON'T. Half of it goes to INT. THE NIKE STORE. DAY. What up DJ!? I fucking quit. Trying to get a job as a DJ: WHERE'S YOUR FOLLOWING. They're not gonna follow me, Because I wear clothes in my photos And don't sell ass YOU DON'T SELL ASS no I'd consider it. Why? Cause little white girls make more than black girls in porn because we're so UGLY Ok, look, just because i called you “ugly” Only the fat ugly ones like me when i'm fat. Ugly doesn't negate lack of beauty Or skin tone, To me It's a vibe. Woah. Cool colors. Woah. What happened to Skrillex? He died, i think, er like Evolved, or something Another Grammy *instantly disappears into a dimension so high I could never even think to* It's lonely at the top. I'm not lonely, i'm sick of being punished for being born. You're not being punished! That's in your MIND! PATHOLOGICAL LIAR MOTHER/ PEDOPHILE WIFE BEATER EX HUSBAND THATSALL IN YOUR MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDDDDD BEFORE: Torture– –Ridicule– -Trauma– Abuse NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. YOu know why? CAuse they have the same problems. We're all the same person except for Skrillex, The US Government, A couple of aliens Whatever those to things are Those guys over these Wtf. I thought everything is everything. NO, it's needs to split. What do you mean EVERYTHING IS NOTHING Oh. There's Jimmy Fallon. FUCK! Now I gotta exp no , i don't. I'm just gonna make music which , Doesn't really make me enough money But it's okay. I'm sick of working for corporations that only see dollar signs My employee number is my name My coworkers are all weird, and dumb and I work harder than everybody else But for some reason when I match the pace of my peers You have to go with the flow of traffic. NEW YORK CATTLE PEOPLE INSOMNIAC CATTLE PEOPLE YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. NOTHING ON YOUR PLATE HAS EVER SEEN SUNLIGHT. That's ok. I'm an omnivore No, it's not, Because The animal you're eating is a herbivore He or “it “ You gotta castrate them but he NOT FOOD FOOD COW Mo..00oo? .. yeah , i don't know. Well, what about you SKELOCHICKEN *FLl**dies* hm. CHINA MORE HORMONES TO POI– I MEAN NUTRITION YOUR PEOPLE? AMERICA YES, PLEASE ADD MORE DEPRESSION. CHINA Ok. AMERICA THANKS CHINA Also we're infiltrating with the humanoid robot genetically modified satellite controlled robot people. AMERICA You can do that? STOP ASIAN HATE. *cough* *robotic* *nothin* I don't hate you guys,but this is weird and kinda shocking. Wtf are they doing with the asians STOP ASIAN – Nobody hates you, we just ant to know why *HOSTILITY* ok , this is weird. CHINA Hey, we've been on this continent awhile it's getting kind of crowded. AMERICA *hating all the colors but needing diversity to keep the corporate slaves from rioting* lol . they won't riot. they're all drunk or medicated IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK …really? Yeah. Wow. ok. I feel a lot That'll be $88.50 *sighs* ….ok. *pays* …per pill. That's my whole– It's okay! It's not okay… Well, that's okay, because it's okay to not be okay *huffs* Ok IT'S OKAY! IT'S OK! INSURANCE! It's ONLY a $100 copay! What. EVERY 30 DAYS. $100 Cause we need you to not be okay Why RICH ASSHOLE So i can be extremely ok. [beat[ …. *sighs* *finds a penny* I'll take that too. *....* what ? I tried.. Alright, I gotta tie this up. TIE THIS UP!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I put all your shit in the trash. Tie me up. Okay, I like you But I lie good And i'm tired With my eyes on I got IONS on my filers I got no mail For the iron I'm so tired But man, I've learned that Sometimes, man Well, Just– Live hurts and if I swerve And i die first Cause this mind curse Is my worst hurt but , no That's untrue I got no son I got no phone. Got no baby momma, but my Fire's lighting up an oven For my bun, or muffin I'm bluffin, I'm stuffed but God, I love these cumsluts. [( Jimmy Fallon cannot participate in this project. )] Well, why not? Honestly, hon, If i'm the mom in that one Stumble upon this podcast on stumble upon or tumblr, Then i'm numb, Bummed out for certain the songs and curses, verses make more sense than anything (and i mean anything and everything Inside this simulation since HILARY! NO, DONALD TRUMP. –but the conundrum comin up under A microscope such as this: My husband's a public figure And this girl keeps saying *nigger* Like the problems in the world aren't getting bigger –so this ring around my finger, Shall protect us from this singer, God help her– I hope my son never reads this… But Jim, The Executive Decision has been made! She's insane! Crazy! Abandoned her own baby for fame; adjacently; The Fame Game was made to be played by Players and families [The Wealthy and Super Elite] Oh, you're not ugly cause you're black, just– *splits* *scratches humungous crotchel* Uh… Yeah, Ok. No. So is this like a PSA on mental illness? Idk. did i survive this? Suicide. God, why do i Did I write this? I might have Something like it But i died again I've been inside my mind, I lied again I have no one to confide to cause Okay: So every one with blue eyes has given me this sort of pain, specifically * racism * &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& * deception *manipulation *dishonestly *mistrust I'm 8, My third grade teacher is just WAITING for me to fuck up Speak out of turn One time, she gave a soda to every person on my row Everyone but me Didn't explain it, nothing. Just “This row wins!” (Except for Cree) And didn't say shit; didn't explain anything, just. –and we're all 8, so lol nobody's saying shit in here but apparently that mental scar stayed buried until today, While i'm just sitting here trying to explain why, Something i've always found so pretty I don't hate white women. All of my best friends (almost) Have been white girls Which is how I know *she doesn't know what she wants* blue eyed people are aware that their eyes are a mutation/adaptation specifically meant to aide in survival by reflecting light. I … ok, go on. So it's not like, they're evil for it White supremacy getting ahead entirely, so much so that the reigning world power has lost touch with reality so much that it's 8 billion inhabitants are literally dying inside out of anxiety because we've built a dystopian society where it makes more sense to poison yourself repeatedly than to actually be a human and evolve –Evolution is a group effort. So yeah, S Fuck it The celebrities are up here in sodom and gamora or whatever and half of the politicians are in there with them, but the truth is that while the rest of us fight over something that's technically only been programmed to exist (there's enough food in the world, guys.) –MAYBE NOT ENOUGH WATER THOUGH. SUPACREE That's why you're trying to make me CRY? They're psychic tears! BUT WHERE DO THE TEARS COMEFROM. HEAVEN. Literally. Nowhere you can see or ever reach because DEMONS AREN'T REAL. YOU'RE CRAZY. Wtfever I was raised in the united states of america where GOD is implicated on all of our currency as if it's no curse of blasphemy within itself– blasphemy which WE made up just to control people because well , apparently all the people –all the people– the big ones, the little ones, The fat one e the short ones, the girls and the boys –are still going to keep making more peopl e Somethings will never change. Boys will be boys. My ex husband may not actually be satan himself; You know, cause satan can't stay in one place SATAN ISN'T REAL Ok. Are we seriously going to sit here and pretend like nobody has ever read a history book in their life YES EVIL EXISTS. IT ALWAYS HAS. It's not in your head! You're not okay! You were brought here, Amost entirely with the purpose Of servitude (most of us) Living beneath some of those who have never known The pain of poverty the grief of homelessness The cruelty of racism REVERSE RACISM IS REAL. OH REAALLY?????!! NIGGER. CRACKER. Which one do you want to eat? Neither, honestly, I'd just- Oh my God, he's up! Like a glass of Oh My God! My God! He's Alive! TYLA I got it! JIMMY FALLON Water. Wtf is Jimmy Fallon doing in a coma. IDK cause who the fuck just beat the shit out of JImmy Falon? I'm assuming it's not his Could actually be– Babymama. hm . …Unless it was. Into a coma?! “Why Women Kill” Oh, I get it. They're trying to see if i' P m violent. At this point ________LINES ____________________- BEING _______ ___________CROSSSS ok , i fuked skrilex. I KNEW IT. I TOLD YOU. See, look this is not It's not Like, it doesn't have to be special or anything, i just– Need it. SKRILLEx/SONNY …I beg your pardon? SUPACREE Please, don't beg… SKRILLEX *face* SUPACREE I mean– SKRILLEX *squints* Unless you're into that, or something. I don't know! “I don't know” SKRILLEX So wait, you're a fan. [Apparently, or obviously, cause, I'm honestly getting this play by play, here, finishihg writing story in a stream of consciousness–] (or unconsciousness) Oh! That's MY coma! Nice! Damn. Wtf. [--like in real time–or, like, was, before I got distracted thinking about Shit, I got so much stuff I gotta do. [INSERT CELEBRITY APPEARANCE HERE] Well, perhaps this is one of them. Holy shit, I'm acid. What. How did that happen so fast it's only been like What? Well, how long's it been? I don't know, now well, where'd she go. It's Over. What? It's gone. Just let me go ok . Just let me go. ok . Just let me go. What if I just JUMP UP NO. Don't do that. The kit is stronger than you, Jimmathin. “Jimmathin”!” What, you wanted KING JAMES Fine, I'll write it. What. What is this. This is just like Woah [Art] Wow. Yeah. There's a lot. A R T JIMMY FALLON is a Are we going this? How else am i supposed to explain “ I L L U M I N A T I Look I'm you. ok . You're me. alright. [Young Gods] Wrking title Didn't they aready do this– Or something like this? Yes, but I wrote it first. TV Come and Get it! RAP WORLD UNH YOu'RE A LOSER UNH IMA NIGGA SO WHAT UHHHH Shut up, drake UNNNNHHH I'm gonna call you up UN That's enough OOOOHHHBIIIIRRRRRRRRRR That's it. You're done. WASTED. YOU DON'T WANNA BLACK BOY I GOT LOTS OF BLAC GIRLS WHITE GIRLS MOLLY, ROCK WHITE GIRL, WHITE GIRLS CHINESE EYES I LIKE HER THIGHS Sunni, shut up In UNISON Sep: I MADE IT! EARLIER: SEP, FROM UNISON Gimmie a dollar. ….okay, but I only have one dollar. Jimmy Fallon ILLUMINATI Please explain this. JAMES FALLON is a simple man. IS HIS NAME JAMES?! I don't know, but who names their kid JIMI Oh, no, that's like, Like you know, JImi Hendrix aww , i loved that baby… I love babies. I love her. aw . this is WRAP IT UP This is a lot of stories, okay, but mainly how somehow I got T R A U M A (D) Whait, where's Dillon Francis?! Who the fuck cares. Wake up. For waht. I gotta get waisted. You mean *wasted* Shut up. Wait so like, DIllon and CC are like Together? DJ* Oyeah. DJ. DJ the DJ [DJ the DJ] [BJ the DJ] ok , that was also, like, first season YOu're right, Justin, this is getting Meta. I'm not Hustin, I'm Rick. What. I'm Rick. No, no you're RICK SANCHEZ IT'S ME. i'M BACK. i”M THE REAL RICK SANCHEZ. well la-teee– UNITY You forgot about me, didnt you? UNITY!? That's why everyone is assimilated. Damn, you're really good a dissociating? Would you rather I not be? CUT BACK TO: Homeless shelter: The Reject Pile, The literally runoff of the World. Right. The broken, forgotten women that. Woah, her whole face was FUCKED UP. She went back to him NOOOOO (but like, that was me) Whatever. If you don't have kids, run! Fuck it, if you have kids, run just run at night and do it Quickly Just get out. Quietly Shhh. Wait, isn't it just as bad the other way around? What? Huh *still fucked up* You're high right now? No, i”m not high I mean I Am I mean, I wanna get FUCKED UP. What are you saying? What i'm saying is; I would get high on anything else but life right now why Cause i wanna die so die i can't why otta solve this what . Why i can't die. You WHAT?! I CAN'T DIE! US GOVT It's true! We tried like three times already. This can never lead back to us Did they give you a script!? Brings up random story from childhood even i forgot about. So you want me to drink water out of this *basically a toilet* Actually, the toilet might have been cleaner if she wasn't such a WHORE. What. She was a whore. I kind of figured. Why? By the way the toilet smelled when she used it *sniffs* ok. This is everybody. This is a lot of everybody. This is everybody, But then everybody left, Then more people came And everybody came back. This is everybody. This is too many *blacks* WHAT?! Look, like i said, it's not racism that diversity is getting more important than just hiring 7 white people and 1 or two of the rest of us for coloration and entertainment Cause even god knows Sadistic white supremacists love watching Everybody else kill each other over Things they already have. WHITE SUPRMACISTS Oh shit, it's the guys from Equinox. (it is, in fact, those guys) Wait. did i never finish my story about so what was the whole thing about BODY SHAMING IS WRONG. Bruh whatever the whole earth is a body and what “our”*coughs* species has done to it is pretty much the most shameful thing literally ever because we're mostly all racists kind of in one way or another or have judgements and intolerances – but *coughs* What? Why are we treating Anxiety as a mental illsness? Cause it's in your head? SYNETHESIA No, this shit it *Skrill Fuck it P H Y s I cAAlLLLLLLLLLL Whats wrong with him I don't kno w please eat, would you. lol . no. How long is this fast [LOUD MOTORCYCLE/SATAN] *stomach blowing bubbles of acid before its even audible in my ears* ow . *coughs* ok , ow. *coughing* Ok, ow. What if, that gross, Scary, evil coughing thing that's following me is just JIMMY FALLON. STOP FOLLOWING ME. YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE. PLEASE, OH GOD, OH MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN. What? God's not in heaven right now!!! SHE'S NOT?! WELL, WHERE IS SHE? GONE. GONE WHERE , GOD CAN'T be GONE. GOD IS GOD. MARK LUKE JOhN PETER ….ok, this is getting strange. KING JAMES Finally, Jesus. Well, when does Jesus get here, then. Later. LATER: Can I go now? No What did you say was the Do you even read what you post sometimes? No, I mostly just write it then forget it exists What, really? Yes. So by the time you're reading this. It may have been years. Oh shit, this show's still on. Yeah. That's fucking nuts. Yeah. This shit gets craaaaazzy. my fans Yo dude, I had one roommate that might have been whatever, you had to have heard my podcast if you know anything about [PASSWORD] You want me to kill myself? *indifference* WHAT DO YOU WANT … ….. …… Why? Why WHAT? Why are YOU not fuckked up on that couch somewhere, or like, dead?! Technically, I am! What? This is a homeless shelter! Yes, obviously, however: Go on. Everyone here is sad. Correct. Everyone here is broken. Yes. Everyone here has been hurt– probably Beaten– Yes, Some of us Reviled. YO. Thisfuckedup. I gotta get out of here. Damn, so like, you pay child support and everything– But you don't even get to see your kid? And when you do it's on his terms, Because of nepotism And the assumption that as the bi-racial half of a bi-racial relationship, It must have been you that fucked up So much so That you deserve that And no matter what you do is wrong How was I wrong?! Your pussy stinks. That's it? Yep. You have mental problems. But my pussy clean. *shrugs* Anyway. Maybe I should be meditating I am META - TATING. Duh. INDIGEIDIOTS AHAHAHA . GOOD ONE. SHAQ AHAH Not right ow dude. SHAQ Why not me?! Because, dude, we have like one scene together, and i'm terrified of you. SHAQ I am picking you up now. no , no, shaquille o'neal yes , actually– wait , what's your name again S U P A C R E E n..o… YES. THERE SHE IS WHERE IS SKRILEX SHAQ UP. Why does he sound so dumb? Cause he's BIG. So that means he' dumb? NO, but I also can't afford another celebrity appearance unless, Pasqualle PASQUALE ON THE BEACH Why is it– BECAUSE [PASQUALE ROTELLA is on the beach.] PASQUALE No. AWW, COME ON. PASQUALLE NO, SUPA U Who is that? ! PASQUALE SHUT UP. Woah, okay, ouch. PASQUALE You just said ***** 147 times. NO. but NO. U. What BE U. (lmfao why does he have that like mirror thing white people in the When is this Forever Lmfao you're trying to fry yourself a sunburn tan with a giant mirror. BLUE EYED MOTHERFUCKER No, i'm *** staring in mirror intently*** Wow, your eyes are really pretty MEANWHILE [DILLON FRANCIS is about to DIE.] oh, you again. ohFUCK. [But his eys are really pretty] *glamour* Damn. Wow. She has a baby! wait , WHAT. CUT TO: Wait, Dillon Francis is having a baby?! YES. WHEN?! [NOW) WHENEVER. DAMN. [BEAT] WIBEATER You rang? NO. Hahahahaha42055555555555fucku. Whatthefuckishappeningritenow. I GOTTA GO. JUST BEAT IT, MICHAEL JACKSON. The silhouette of SUPACREE bedazzles as she dances C'ESME'T KATEY SAGAL Are we back to me yet? In a minute. Broh you have all these rich people mad deep in their feelings. I guess. (I am their feelings) It would be great if they were mad deep in their pockets for [The Festival Project™] Why. Excuse me. Why would anybody do that, When for the last [However] 15 Minutes RANDOM NON COINCIDENCE Your 15 minutes is up. That's impossible, because I'm living in a homeless shelter. Which is where you deserve to be. Huh. For being born. Excuse me? Everything you've ever done. *breath, walk talk* Is wrong (I Am.) HOLD ON JIMMY, DON'T LET GO I might let go. DON'T. Lol This kite just might be stronger than you, Jimmy Fallon. I hate this guy. What is he?! Japanese! (Ive often wondered, not worth knowing, though, cause what's about to happen is) T H E W I N D IIIIIII Please don't cry SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS plase dont Nono Nnnnnnssssssnsnsnsnsnsnfnffn V.O. Poor Little Jimmy Fallon… W I N DS FFFFFFFUUUUUUUDNDNDFFFFFFFF I AM DEFINITELY STRONGER THAN THIS KITE. No. no, you are not Wouldn't it be it's “the wind” “the wind is stronger than me” No, Jimmy Fallon James Shut up– It's the KITE DIRECTOR That's the line! Got it? And if you break fourth wall, When we're live, or just– ever again, WHAT. could be jimmy fal0n sure. Namesake police talkin bout: If we can put ot AI Michael Jackson, God rest his soul, which reminds me, After this scene, put the one with [The Soul Kitchen] I'M A MAN! T H E W I N D AAAAAAAAAAA– *sniffles* oh , maybe not. hm. JIMMY FALLON *sigh of– T H E W I N D SSFFFLLAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KITE: BLOOP. x_x DEATH. NO SHAQ! Put me down! SHAQ You can DOWN when the BASS is ALSO THERE. SUPACREE No, you don't mean– SHAQ We WILL drop the bass. SUPACREE Put me down! I'm a grown ass woman! SHAQ *purses* SUPACREE I am NOT a tiny person. SHAQ I know: I'm married to one. SUPACREE I know, i know. the entire world cringes about it, however, congratulations on your happy SHAQ DUBSTEP. SUPACREE NO, NO DUBSTEP SHAQ DUBSTEP.b SUPACREE OH, GOD, NO, PLEASE SHAQ Maybe a little rap SUPACREE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Andy Sandbourg. Uh, ok, wait, whose THE LONELY ISLAND WHEN WILL THE BASS DROP?! (When will the bass drop?) –When will the bass drop OH. That's why that island is lonely. YES. DO. NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES Ok DROP THIS BASS. Ok. I”ll be right back. Ok. [beat] [another beat] [some tension] [space] [more tension] [The lights cut CUT TO: JANET JACKSON bursts through the panoramic window. … You are not Dillon Francis FIGHT Wait, fight w– JANE JACKSON Alright you! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? lol ‘Jane Jackson?' You know, just in case she didn't want to commit, but you know Janet Jackson was one of the first ones to approach me to show interest about this project. IT'S ALL FACETIOUS LIES. (t's not tho, i'm bein 100% honest and truthful bout everything, so .) LIE what . LEARN HOW TO LIE. Excuse me? or , hey, listen: You can tell the truth, but at least be funny. This is funny. *homelessness* *niggers* STOP SAYING THAT. Isn't it weird how the word almost only offends white people now cause Cause we're all capitalists. Capitalists. People that believe in money. Oh. AS GOD. oh . YOu have none. oh . YOU are the devil ugh GROSS. You'RE BROKE. What. GET OUT. What We don't need you here. We need people to hit the workforce, buy things, and never complain unless it end in ME MAKING MONEY Ok, fine, so like I just was saying. JANET JACKSON WHERE'S MY BROTHER?! WHEVER HE IS! I DON'T KNOW! [I'm getting really tired so i'm not going to describe in full brutal detail how Janet Jackson is whooping– Who is this Is whooping this other character's ass right now. Wait, Whoopi. Fuck. You saw it. Yeah, You're Whoopi Goldberg! WhattheFUCK. But you're als Janet Jackson! I Am. WHY?! Look, I didn't know you were a channel, alright EARLIER: CUT SCENES FROM A VERY BRUTAL BATTLE SAY UNCLE NNNNOOO____YuuuurrrrJANETJACKSON SAY UNCLE Control, Janet Jackson Seriously?! You picked that song for this montage?! it's! SAYUNCLE UNCLESAMWANTS–U–TO WIN THIS FUCKING BATTLE—YAGH– JANET JACKSON SAY UNCLE JUNGLE OH SHIT. Hold up. Okay, real quick. Remember those people in the jungle that don't know their in a jungle DANE COOK WHATEVER, I'M NOT DONG THIS PROJECT. IT'S TOO LATE, YOU'RE IN. DANE COOK OK. But i'm gonna make you forget about it For like a really long time Ok Until you forget who I am at all. Alright. Many, many lifetimes. Go on. Until I find you again. And you WILL. And i WILL. AND WHEN I DO I AM NOT DOING THIS PROJECT I am SO not-famous I have almost been FORGOTTEN. Forgotten at FORGOTTEN AT ALL! And I will not AND YOU WILL NOT KNOW ME. ok . …ok. So. So…. kite. kite.___________________________________________________FL|| IIII IIIII YYYYY AAA ||||||| UNCLE– UNCLE–UNCLE JANET JACKSON NOW SING ABC by THE JACKSON 5! WHAT?! SING IT. UNCLE. UNCLE!!! I WANNA HEAR A SONG. Damn, Janet Jackson still got it. WHOOPI GOLDBERG What gave me away? Your left hook. Still got it. I know. Even in the wrong body, now look. If I'm not Michael Jackson Could never be Neither could you O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 lol she's not gonna do this movie. She might. she's friendly. besides. ABC… KEEP GOING, BUT BETTER EEEEASY AS 1-23…UNCLE! THERE'S NO UNCLE IN ABC! Do you think we're at a feature yet? Notquite Why, how oong's a feature?! Till it isn't. Right., so Look, obese americans I know its hard to face the facts– Or anything at all, because, you know “I'm going to start eating right– ….later” and nobody's judging you at all, actually because. That was me. (Is still me) When i'm eating food , which was my Adderall. What. You needed adderall. Youe entire life and never got it. Yeah I know. Because you're black. Maybe that's not why. What do you mean. Maybe that's not why. Maybe when Look, my mom wasn't going to take me to a doctor for focus issues, I would cry and cry when my dad would leave. It's probably for the best that I stay away, I'm a psycho now. I might killl you. I would like that because I just can't seem to. CAPITALIZE. CAPITALIZE OFF THIS PROJECT! HOW? SELL YOUR ASS. WHAT? No that's (Only Fans) What. Look, you can't just BE a DJ: You can, but you're gonna need like, 3 other jobs, and some hustles and shit, cause everybody else. How come. Because, dumbass , you're not Skrillex; Or whoever he sits with. [TINA FEY Is a whatever. ] What does this mean I don't know. By the way, nothing's making me “do this” It's called “automatic writing”, it's some kind of extraterrestrial psychic shit, I don't know. My pain unlocked all my colors, and well. KITE. ____________________________________________________________________KE$HA Now I'm God. Wait, How long's a feature? OOOOOOIOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH 30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, MANHATTAN, NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK. So dumb the state has the same name as the city I kno So dumb Bro could you imagine being like a comedian or like an actor during the like “The Good Old Days” I swear I'm about to stop Don't stop. SAY, IS THAT A wait , i think i feel a song coming on Oh yeah, i hear it… Something like Fuck How to tell an obstacle From a crossword, Or draw slung crosses on awkward Wax polished silver scratched ponds On the surface or Then it all starts picking up When i turn on my pic or sing, I turn to write and this Motorcycle wants to eat me from the inside out Cause the man who rides it Got nothing on to watch on his instagram stories No only fans models Just hot soft porn And he's so far from a microphone –but far at all Cause i started to talk, then The car alarms going off all i got a words, really The music is gone A couple albums coming, The old stuff I made on my long journey being homeless with no son Long sauna jaunts (and I mean) Sometimes from Sunday to Monday And monday would have come and then gone, Before I could come home Cause there wasn't one Only a sauna, at my job Well, one of them The other's across town and, I might just make it in time (i won't though) I spent my first check on a bike (my mom lives across town, but she don't even know i'm Homeless; Nevermind, She knows this, She's just Preoccupied with THE BLACKEST THING i'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. That's a person, not a thing. No, you made yourself a thing THEY. made you a thing. To THEM. but when they walk away– I'm a man. –The world's yours. You are not my kid. I get that. It's the prettiest day New York City has Ever seen Oh shit, this is fucking IT. This is theMOVIE. DILLON FRANCIS GOOD. CAUSE I'VE. HAD IT. ST. JIMMY Oh, shit. I better run. Wait, Greenday is in this?! Everybody's in this IAMBIC!!!! (it's a rock opera) Yeah God. Speaking of THE ROCK DWAYNE JOHNSON YOOOOOOOOO. Wtf. Whatthefuck. WHY YES, I AM A WHAT THE FCK. CUT TO BLACK: [The Festival Project ™] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT, INC. circa 2018- 2024 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. “” AFTER DA CREDITZ LOL WHAT CREDITS, I'm streaming this EDITORS OH YOU WILL SEE THESE CREDITS. these are insanely creative credits. TINA FEY (But way less cute) What color is that, What is what Your hair now Is it like MELISSA MCCARTHY clover…. “It's Honeydew Blondi What “Honeydew Blondike” *blonde-like, but Holly. Which one?! Honeydew Blondish. Well it's weird. You're fucking weird. Wait have you ever actually met Tina Fey *unruly, wild shit* Oh yeah, that bitch is crazy. LIZ!!! GET BACK HERE. Uh. HOLLY ROBINSON PETE No, officer Hanson Detective You were demoted. I wasn't demoted. You know what. I was SHOT, CAPTAIN HOFFS is being haunted by her best friend's from back in the day; they are ghosts. She is the last surviving CAST MEMBER Look, what character am I supposed to be. lol WHATEVER YOU WANT what would you call this? Your “sexy” passenger? No, Dexter… Or, is it MICHAEL C. HALL I don't know. I think that's for you to decide No, dude, the whole point of the festival project is sometimes— It doesn't … Zzz Wait, what happened. skrillex left the chat. Hm. I wonder where he went. THE B- SIDE FINALLy, the BEYONCÉ PART HAVENT YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? THE WHOLE THING IS “THE BEYONCÉ PART” Because GOD BEEEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Beyonce, being Skrillex* [expletive] Ohhhhhhhh, that's how she got the accent over theeeeeeeeeeeeee —————eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeé matter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_aLRVCa76U The Wackness The Blackness You can't escape it. The likes of the United States of America masterminded the false flag “terror attack” on its own citizens in 2001 in order to deceive it's citizens into a police state to suit the New World Order; Now, New York City preys upon its weakest and most vulnerable inhabitants via inhumane psychological terrorism, gangstalking, terror hacking, and other forms of psycholotical terrorism in order to maintain the inequivocal social and justice issues plaguing the united states of Asmerica; the globalization of a one-world government, and the continuation of the human slavetrae system from which the United states of america has built itself and has been thriving on, priding itself on being the strongest country in the world: However, it shall soon see its own de mise, with the importation of hundreds of thousands of non-natural citizens in an attempt to close the plummeting world economy, thereby once again prioritizing thousands of lives over the lives of the Indigenous and involuntarily Imported descendants of the AFRICAN BLACK american slaves YOU'RE BLAAAAA—- I get it. Shut up. BLACK. Please be quiet. BLAC shh . B please shut up. I'm allowed to have an extreme distaste for impoliteness Disgusting habits Lack of hygiene Honestly, I don't care what color you are Stop disturbing the peace NO JUSTICE NO– SHUT UP. Listen, I don't want to go through this again. I'm not going to kill myself Not today satan. I have too much to– Oh, really, I have nothing better to do than Make money? MAKE MONEY. Broke ass bitch. You realize, blacks mexicans Immagrants poor whites ugly /fat people that you're all still slaves. that the people telling you that “it's okay to not be ok” Are the exact people making everything not ok for profit. Oh, but also if your family owned slaves and property from slavery you should have to give a certain amount of your income to re-allocate some of the resources you– well , lets just face it STOLE YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WASH YOUR FUCKING PUSSY. (and also just *coughing* *toxcity* *grossness* getaway from me.. *coughing* gross . *talking on the phone at 5 am* Mmmmmmmmmhmm SHUT Yo. Where are the indigenous people? Dead. or somewhere out there claiming to be 1/32.1/2th Cherokee and pretending not to listen to taylor swift. I MADE IT. I actually hate you. I knew it was a set up from the moment i walked in the door. There she sat, hunched over in the corner, almost hiding as if to try to surprise me. But I had already been psychologically tortured with the permanant record of my own past with enough audacity that I understood that I was being provoked and manipulated; And I was tired of it. They all coughed. They all wanted to have “random” “friendly conversations about my Pedophile Wifebeater ExHusband. God Help Him (No, Seriously, help him) Because— he tore my son away from me and e verybody in Very racist, very right wing, very color-coded, colonized Rural Alaska Assured that i (being a black woman) was the problem. –and you know what? Perhaps I was. WHAT HAPPENED TO FELEYSHA WILLIAMS. Idk. she's probably dead or tweaked out somewhere. I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. Ok. But you're ging to have to torture me consistently for at least a few weeks until we fight. He deserves custody. You're crazy. Cool. i don't want to spend the rest of my life arguing with someone who looks like someone who ruined my life trying to explain why it's salad until after puberty just to make sure his beauty doesn't ruin his life. Because all he eats is processed foods and plays video games and watches anime anyway so, Really it's a perfect world, for him. He's a perfect boy. I was told he didn't love me Didn't want me Didn't ask about me And didn't need me. So i left. Well, no– I tried to kill myself first (or did) Whatever Then I left. No, actually i tried to stay and split custody down the middle so nobody would have to pay child support. It wouldn't be fair to either of us, right, but: So here I am trying to explain how Yo, look. I left my shit in a locked parked car in a parking lot To push out a 5 minute shit And when I got back Everything was gone. hm. oh , you know what? No, the car was still there. The car was still there. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I was real lucky for that, cause I lived in it. hm . Lucky for me. AH, shit. It was a rental, though, so I still owe someone a lot of money Interesting For getting ROBBED. So, here's the thing This: BEING A DISGUSTING, OBNOXIOUS, LOUD, COUGHING, DRINKING, SMOKING, PIECE OF Oh, that's what it is. It's my ex's energy. That. Doing the LEAST. Doesn't even know what clean IS so fucking fat he'll never see his penis EVER again and anybody else who does honestly it's cool, I just feel bad for her, honestly, like ? *gross pedophile wifebeater* You can't just go around calling people pedophiles! You can when everything they're obsessively sexually attracted to what looks like a kid or sometimes IS a kid without him realizing that Or is when they're openly watching porn and masturbating With a toddler. Yes. that actually happened. No, it didn't. I saw you. Well ,nobody will ever believe me, I guess because– Because the first time he hit me, I covered for him But only I begged him to stay with US THREE OF US a two year old, a one month old And me the wife that was so paralized from depression After learning that her husband The only man she ever truly “loved” had cheated The. entire . time So not only did I waste my time– My body is ruined, and I'MJUSTGOINGTOKILLMYSELF. –not the thing you want to hear as you're trying to stop the blood from pouring out of your face. My whatever . fuck this story. What why? Cause it SUCKS. PLUS I'm apparently “Very very bright” Hm And we're at the midsts of an Environmental Crisis *Multiple **Environmental*Crises Just at the tip Of another manipulated global disaster Which has left most the population Lazy and docile enough to not care About anything Anymore I care about my son. I don't care about your stuff; And I didn't take anything from you You gross, dirty, coughing ass, stinking pussy ass Grotesque Fuck it. I just don't care I have all my own shit. Honestly, I was just sick of beng reminded of this dumb sack of shit. It wasn't real. They were all actors gangstalkers undercovers CIA agents Welfare Office Workers What? Hey, look, just so you're aware Being in the system actually technically on paper strips you of some of your basic human rights and decencies. You are State Property. Bought and Sold for the benefit of The Highest bidder, Who, Never you mind, Is of the highest power In this predicament H O W E V E R I had finally been given an out; An apartment, far away from the Check it out, I was being studied, provoked, recorded, questioned about a past I was only trying to forget and gulted over and over as if i had abandoned my child on purpose No, son. Daddy just has issues And mommy has issues And I'm really really sorry about this But you're the most beautiful, Wonderful, Amazing Person I've ever met in my life, Bear(r) And I'm proud to be your FATHER. huh . what. I'm a girl. No. You're not; He's the girl. Bitch ass babymomma . Fuck it, just go be with ___ then. Oh, amazing I love this one. I never cheated I just retreated So I could repeat this: “he cheated! He cheated” “he beat me, he beat me” “I hate him, I hate him” My best friend was Annie My Lover was Davies –doesn't matter these days, though same place Salt Lake Saltair It's been years. You know how, When you're a kid, And you [Get scraped] Oh shit, I missed a – A lot. hm . You ever have another kid pick your scab off for you– Wayyyyy before it was ready? YOu ever like– You get it?? Yo, i get this is like government, public housing or whatever IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN Why does she have to be “ignorant” can't she just be NO Because she was Extremely ignorant, this particular one, and so are most of the other ignorant black people who work in social services because white people a . wouldn't do it. b . aren't equipped Because the kind of black people you meet in a new york city homeless shelter are —no , i'm not actually THAT racist— just the lowest quality people [LCD] Lowest Common Denomonator She stole my ID. Fucku. So i'm a low quality people. Yep. You suck. Ok. I'm gonna go suck at Equinox for six hours. Go, then. Don't follow me. But We're watching you. Someone's always watching me. I'm famous, But not rich And every time i make any money my ex husband gets to buy drugs and ciggarettes with it. CHILD SUPPORT Before: Literally doesn't answer phone for months. Me: Thinking my child is dead because i can't get ahold of him, it's always winter in alaska and the roads are made of ice. Panic, fear, paralyzing depression And when I finally DO get in touch; It's because: ACTUAL BEST FRIEND I haen't heard from ***** at all but a little while ago some girl called me and was yelling at me accusing of cheating with him. ME AHAHAH ACTUAL BEST FRIEND AHAHAHA US LOL SKRILLE wait , this is a different story NO, it really fucking ISN'T. SO All my wages are garnshed to pay child support I can't even TALK to my kid and Oh yeah. I was only ever homeless in the first place because This is where it happened: BITCH *throws fake house plant* *RAGE* RURNJRNH *PUNCH to the FACE 1 This cannot be happening *PUNCH TO THE FACE 2* Wow, that really sounds like in the mov– *PUNCH TO THE FACE 3* HE'S NOT STOPPING, I GOTTA *literally can't go anywhere, also being strangled* so somewhere between punches 3 and 5 *FIVE PUNCHES TO THE FACE* And I mean, he was winding his arm back and everything Oh, it was weird how like my third roommate gave me almost the exact same injuries fighting over the thermostat. I'm cold. I'm hot Well, yeah, you're from Peru and I'm from LA Alaska, so I ean technically really neither of us are built for this but hey– America needs corporate slaves so, Welcome. Yo soy triste. Ay! Dios Mios. Ahora YO soy triste! *crying* Dios Mio Anyway, they know you're like some kind of like– Wizard, or like– Wizardry's alright– —Like a fairy– I'm way, way bigger than any “fairies” i've seen (and more powerful) Some kind of like a KEISHA THE ROADCOP Why's she a road cop? Idk. My brain backwards remembers her from that random McDonalds, though, when. WAY, WAY BEFORE THAT: (kinda) This hasn't happened in a really long time Staying up all night in ableton, Then only for the day to come To write and think about how I've been fasting again, but not on purpose I've just been so stressed Because all the bodies in my simulation are inhuman , coughing Keigha seemed human Kinda I loved her. I love her. I actually liked that one. By that time it was obvious that it was all an inside job; Each “roomate” i had been paired with had been given a specific list of buttons to push, Things to talk about Topics to discuss But mostly– Buttons to push. Look, if I commit suicide and anyone cares at all, there are thousands of recordings and writings Which indicate “she struggled greatly with mental illness' Or how about I suffer greatly from My 3rd grade teacher was a classic closet racist. I'm eight. She's a huge, unmarried mormon white lady And that's super unommon (Even for the fat ones) Fat people can have normal lives!! Not really. That's a lie. BODY POSITIVITY no , you should be ashamed. why . Because ive literally been tormented my ooh , also this I've been tortured, taunted, and humiliated my entire life, Made to feel lesser than, And shamed repeatedly for not only my weight, But my skin color– and that's a whole other thing. NO. Having a disability and being black are not the same thing. NO. It's not the same thing to “skinny shame” someone as it is to ===== Look, you're looking for equality, right? NO. Why? Because ME is not equal to HER. Why not. I surfer more– –I work harder. Oh, look, by the way, I've finally figured it out that YOU LIVE IN THE JUNGLE WHAT'S A JUNGLE?!?!?! YOU'RE FAT. WHAT'S WHAT MEAN?! IT'S BAAAAD. But here, eat this: What is it: It's hamburger helper What's this gonna help? Nothin. THIRD GRADE TEACH She's a very bright girl, she jut has trouble focusing. BULLY *passing note* “Losser” SHE SPELLED ‘LOSER' WRONG. HOW AM I THE LOSER? SHE'S NOT EVEN SMART. *white passing, bilingual 8 year old* [Some spanish shit, honestly i don't know what she said because it blew my mind that she did not look, and yet was MEXICAN. FIrst season: Well, since even when I work full time and have two jobs I still can't afford an apartment, even if I DIDN'T have an eviction on my record, oh . Well, yeah; I got fired from my job I couldn't function. Like, at all I could still breastfeed, kind of *ouch* But that's it. I just couldn't… BENTLEY is a yorkshire terrier *teacup BENTLEY *is a Teacup Yorkshire Terrier What about this other thing? Which other thing? Oh, I mean, I'm not racist; I don't care what color you are Or where you come from But act decently -NOBODY wants to hear your phone conversations NOBODY wants to wake up to the sund of your voice every day (especially after the things you've said and done to them) And NOBODY Wants to pick up your trash. In fact, If that were my job, I'd have killed myself already bcause Well. This Fucking Sucks. I quit. YOU'RE THE DEVIL. YOU LEFT YOUR FAMILY TO TRY TO BE A ROCKSTAR. Actually, my family abandoned me and left me homeless when I started Eating an all-organic (at first, raw foods) whole foods diet. wtf. This is salad, no dressing. Yep. For like– Seriously my diet has been the most depressing thing about me ever since i've been maintaining my body. See. You can quit heroin. You don't NEED it to survive, Unless you're Scribbly Pibbles Aka You know what? It's not funny anymore Nevermind. When your friends go out for ice cream Ha Or Pizza Lol Lets Get McDonalds. OK, I guess i'll just starve, then. I guess we could insert the scene with Raven Symone here then? Which one? Idk. WHere is it. Idk. IT's buries. *buried [buries] Mm. Yummah. WE'll find it. I don't think we're gonna find it Maybe Sonny has it. Damn, fuck that Or maybe Dillon? [Dillon Francis is a very white man] No, but– I don't think it's safe to put any Disney or NBC shit in here cause it's like, you know YOu know what? [Censored] Hey, yeah I don't give a fuck about your shit Like at all But since you want a war And i've been brushing up on all my Office politics and strategies Then I guess since *ONE ATTACK ON MY SOUL* stop provoking me, satan Do you think he actually controls demons, or it's just the government is controlled by the white supremacists And you're being set up to fail A little of both, It's like a roller coaster Minus the plummet Explosions Co– Look, I actually can't write right now, I snapped. What do you mean I just snapped. I can't sleep I also just quit smoking weed. again Well, why'd you start Literally everyone around me for the last Who fucking knows how long but– Every single body around me starts *coughing* So maybe i must be the toxin This whole world just smells like poison Why are you trying to sterilize me. JOIN THE MILIT NO. No guns. What. PEACE. Beg your pardon. NO, NOW i'M BEGGING, ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE LEFT ALONE It's me again Get away from me you creepy ass nigga hey , it's me again stop being around. Out of sight, out of mind. You know, I was almost, almost dead Right So after being tortured by the US government about being SUPACREE Bruh, I'm telling you to quit provoking me. You're everything that's wrong with the world. Apparently, yeah so i tried to change that And by the time i do I'm obsolete TYLA, EVERYBODY! The me that everyone loved. The me that was perfect The me with Whatever she had to make her look like that (Water, btw. ) No, we don't have water. You'll have to drink it out of the sink. What. *dirty, disgusting homeless shelter bathroom sink* yeah , drink that. IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN AND DON'T FORGET I'M BETTER THAN YOU CAUSE I'M NOT HOMELESS (Anymore) Because the homeless system in itself is like a big , bleeding, gaping wound of systemic racism Within itself WHY ARE WE GIVING NON-CITIZENS SO MUCH MONEY?! It goes back into OUR econ NO, iT DON'T. Half of it goes to INT. THE NIKE STORE. DAY. What up DJ!? I fucking quit. Trying to get a job as a DJ: WHERE'S YOUR FOLLOWING. They're not gonna follow me, Because I wear clothes in my photos And don't sell ass YOU DON'T SELL ASS no I'd consider it. Why? Cause little white girls make more than black girls in porn because we're so UGLY Ok, look, just because i called you “ugly” Only the fat ugly ones like me when i'm fat. Ugly doesn't negate lack of beauty Or skin tone, To me It's a vibe. Woah. Cool colors. Woah. What happened to Skrillex? He died, i think, er like Evolved, or something Another Grammy *instantly disappears into a dimension so high I could never even think to* It's lonely at the top. I'm not lonely, i'm sick of being punished for being born. You're not being punished! That's in your MIND! PATHOLOGICAL LIAR MOTHER/ PEDOPHILE WIFE BEATER EX HUSBAND THATSALL IN YOUR MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDDDDD BEFORE: Torture– –Ridicule– -Trauma– Abuse NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. YOu know why? CAuse they have the same problems. We're all the same person except for Skrillex, The US Government, A couple of aliens Whatever those to things are Those guys over these Wtf. I thought everything is everything. NO, it's needs to split. What do you mean EVERYTHING IS NOTHING Oh. There's Jimmy Fallon. FUCK! Now I gotta exp no , i don't. I'm just gonna make music which , Doesn't really make me enough money But it's okay. I'm sick of working for corporations that only see dollar signs My employee number is my name My coworkers are all weird, and dumb and I work harder than everybody else But for some reason when I match the pace of my peers You have to go with the flow of traffic. NEW YORK CATTLE PEOPLE INSOMNIAC CATTLE PEOPLE YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. NOTHING ON YOUR PLATE HAS EVER SEEN SUNLIGHT. That's ok. I'm an omnivore No, it's not, Because The animal you're eating is a herbivore He or “it “ You gotta castrate them but he NOT FOOD FOOD COW Mo..00oo? .. yeah , i don't know. Well, what about you SKELOCHICKEN *FLl**dies* hm. CHINA MORE HORMONES TO POI– I MEAN NUTRITION YOUR PEOPLE? AMERICA YES, PLEASE ADD MORE DEPRESSION. CHINA Ok. AMERICA THANKS CHINA Also we're infiltrating with the humanoid robot genetically modified satellite controlled robot people. AMERICA You can do that? STOP ASIAN HATE. *cough* *robotic* *nothin* I don't hate you guys,but this is weird and kinda shocking. Wtf are they doing with the asians STOP ASIAN – Nobody hates you, we just ant to know why *HOSTILITY* ok , this is weird. CHINA Hey, we've been on this continent awhile it's getting kind of crowded. AMERICA *hating all the colors but needing diversity to keep the corporate slaves from rioting* lol . they won't riot. they're all drunk or medicated IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK …really? Yeah. Wow. ok. I feel a lot That'll be $88.50 *sighs* ….ok. *pays* …per pill. That's my whole– It's okay! It's not okay… Well, that's okay, because it's okay to not be okay *huffs* Ok IT'S OKAY! IT'S OK! INSURANCE! It's ONLY a $100 copay! What. EVERY 30 DAYS. $100 Cause we need you to not be okay Why RICH ASSHOLE So i can be extremely ok. [beat[ …. *sighs* *finds a penny* I'll take that too. *....* what ? I tried.. Alright, I gotta tie this up. TIE THIS UP!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I put all your shit in the trash. Tie me up. Okay, I like you But I lie good And i'm tired With my eyes on I got IONS on my filers I got no mail For the iron I'm so tired But man, I've learned that Sometimes, man Well, Just– Live hurts and if I swerve And i die first Cause this mind curse Is my worst hurt but , no That's untrue I got no son I got no phone. Got no baby momma, but my Fire's lighting up an oven For my bun, or muffin I'm bluffin, I'm stuffed but God, I love these cumsluts. [( Jimmy Fallon cannot participate in this project. )] Well, why not? Honestly, hon, If i'm the mom in that one Stumble upon this podcast on stumble upon or tumblr, Then i'm numb, Bummed out for certain the songs and curses, verses make more sense than anything (and i mean anything and everything Inside this simulation since HILARY! NO, DONALD TRUMP. –but the conundrum comin up under A microscope such as this: My husband's a public figure And this girl keeps saying *nigger* Like the problems in the world aren't getting bigger –so this ring around my finger, Shall protect us from this singer, God help her– I hope my son never reads this… But Jim, The Executive Decision has been made! She's insane! Crazy! Abandoned her own baby for fame; adjacently; The Fame Game was made to be played by Players and families [The Wealthy and Super Elite] Oh, you're not ugly cause you're black, just– *splits* *scratches humungous crotchel* Uh… Yeah, Ok. No. So is this like a PSA on mental illness? Idk. did i survive this? Suicide. God, why do i Did I write this? I might have Something like it But i died again I've been inside my mind, I lied again I have no one to confide to cause Okay: So every one with blue eyes has given me this sort of pain, specifically * racism * &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& * deception *manipulation *dishonestly *mistrust I'm 8, My third grade teacher is just WAITING for me to fuck up Speak out of turn One time, she gave a soda to every person on my row Everyone but me Didn't explain it, nothing. Just “This row wins!” (Except for Cree) And didn't say shit; didn't explain anything, just. –and we're all 8, so lol nobody's saying shit in here but apparently that mental scar stayed buried until today, While i'm just sitting here trying to explain why, Something i've always found so pretty I don't hate white women. All of my best friends (almost) Have been white girls Which is how I know *she doesn't know what she wants* blue eyed people are aware that their eyes are a mutation/adaptation specifically meant to aide in survival by reflecting light. I … ok, go on. So it's not like, they're evil for it White supremacy getting ahead entirely, so much so that the reigning world power has lost touch with reality so much that it's 8 billion inhabitants are literally dying inside out of anxiety because we've built a dystopian society where it makes more sense to poison yourself repeatedly than to actually be a human and evolve –Evolution is a group effort. So yeah, S Fuck it The celebrities are up here in sodom and gamora or whatever and half of the politicians are in there with them, but the truth is that while the rest of us fight over something that's technically only been programmed to exist (there's enough food in the world, guys.) –MAYBE NOT ENOUGH WATER THOUGH. SUPACREE That's why you're trying to make me CRY? They're psychic tears! BUT WHERE DO THE TEARS COMEFROM. HEAVEN. Literally. Nowhere you can see or ever reach because DEMONS AREN'T REAL. YOU'RE CRAZY. Wtfever I was raised in the united states of america where GOD is implicated on all of our currency as if it's no curse of blasphemy within itself– blasphemy which WE made up just to control people because well , apparently all the people –all the people– the big ones, the little ones, The fat one e the short ones, the girls and the boys –are still going to keep making more peopl e Somethings will never change. Boys will be boys. My ex husband may not actually be satan himself; You know, cause satan can't stay in one place SATAN ISN'T REAL Ok. Are we seriously going to sit here and pretend like nobody has ever read a history book in their life YES EVIL EXISTS. IT ALWAYS HAS. It's not in your head! You're not okay! You were brought here, Amost entirely with the purpose Of servitude (most of us) Living beneath some of those who have never known The pain of poverty the grief of homelessness The cruelty of racism REVERSE RACISM IS REAL. OH REAALLY?????!! NIGGER. CRACKER. Which one do you want to eat? Neither, honestly, I'd just- Oh my God, he's up! Like a glass of Oh My God! My God! He's Alive! TYLA I got it! JIMMY FALLON Water. Wtf is Jimmy Fallon doing in a coma. IDK cause who the fuck just beat the shit out of JImmy Falon? I'm assuming it's not his Could actually be– Babymama. hm . …Unless it was. Into a coma?! “Why Women Kill” Oh, I get it. They're trying to see if i' P m violent. At this point ________LINES ____________________- BEING _______ ___________CROSSSS ok , i fuked skrilex. I KNEW IT. I TOLD YOU. See, look this is not It's not Like, it doesn't have to be special or anything, i just– Need it. SKRILLEx/SONNY …I beg your pardon? SUPACREE Please, don't beg… SKRILLEX *face* SUPACREE I mean– SKRILLEX *squints* Unless you're into that, or something. I don't know! “I don't know” SKRILLEX So wait, you're a fan. [Apparently, or obviously, cause, I'm honestly getting this play by play, here, finishihg writing story in a stream of consciousness–] (or unconsciousness) Oh! That's MY coma! Nice! Damn. Wtf. [--like in real time–or, like, was, before I got distracted thinking about Shit, I got so much stuff I gotta do. [INSERT CELEBRITY APPEARANCE HERE] Well, perhaps this is one of them. Holy shit, I'm acid. What. How did that happen so fast it's only been like What? Well, how long's it been? I don't know, now well, where'd she go. It's Over. What? It's gone. Just let me go ok . Just let me go. ok . Just let me go. What if I just JUMP UP NO. Don't do that. The kit is stronger than you, Jimmathin. “Jimmathin”!” What, you wanted KING JAMES Fine, I'll write it. What. What is this. This is just like Woah [Art] Wow. Yeah. There's a lot. A R T JIMMY FALLON is a Are we going this? How else am i supposed to explain “ I L L U M I N A T I Look I'm you. ok . You're me. alright. [Young Gods] Wrking title Didn't they aready do this– Or something like this? Yes, but I wrote it first. TV Come and Get it! RAP WORLD UNH YOu'RE A LOSER UNH IMA NIGGA SO WHAT UHHHH Shut up, drake UNNNNHHH I'm gonna call you up UN That's enough OOOOHHHBIIIIRRRRRRRRRR That's it. You're done. WASTED. YOU DON'T WANNA BLACK BOY I GOT LOTS OF BLAC GIRLS WHITE GIRLS MOLLY, ROCK WHITE GIRL, WHITE GIRLS CHINESE EYES I LIKE HER THIGHS Sunni, shut up In UNISON Sep: I MADE IT! EARLIER: SEP, FROM UNISON Gimmie a dollar. ….okay, but I only have one dollar. Jimmy Fallon ILLUMINATI Please explain this. JAMES FALLON is a simple man. IS HIS NAME JAMES?! I don't know, but who names their kid JIMI Oh, no, that's like, Like you know, JImi Hendrix aww , i loved that baby… I love babies. I love her. aw . this is WRAP IT UP This is a lot of stories, okay, but mainly how somehow I got T R A U M A (D) Whait, where's Dillon Francis?! Who the fuck cares. Wake up. For waht. I gotta get waisted. You mean *wasted* Shut up. Wait so like, DIllon and CC are like Together? DJ* Oyeah. DJ. DJ the DJ [DJ the DJ] [BJ the DJ] ok , that was also, like, first season YOu're right, Justin, this is getting Meta. I'm not Hustin, I'm Rick. What. I'm Rick. No, no you're RICK SANCHEZ IT'S ME. i'M BACK. i”M THE REAL RICK SANCHEZ. well la-teee– UNITY You forgot about me, didnt you? UNITY!? That's why everyone is assimilated. Damn, you're really good a dissociating? Would you rather I not be? CUT BACK TO: Homeless shelter: The Reject Pile, The literally runoff of the World. Right. The broken, forgotten women that. Woah, her whole face was FUCKED UP. She went back to him NOOOOO (but like, that was me) Whatever. If you don't have kids, run! Fuck it, if you have kids, run just run at night and do it Quickly Just get out. Quietly Shhh. Wait, isn't it just as bad the other way around? What? Huh *still fucked up* You're high right now? No, i”m not high I mean I Am I mean, I wanna get FUCKED UP. What are you saying? What i'm saying is; I would get high on anything else but life right now why Cause i wanna die so die i can't why otta solve this what . Why i can't die. You WHAT?! I CAN'T DIE! US GOVT It's true! We tried like three times already. This can never lead back to us Did they give you a script!? Brings up random story from childhood even i forgot about. So you want me to drink water out of this *basically a toilet* Actually, the toilet might have been cleaner if she wasn't such a WHORE. What. She was a whore. I kind of figured. Why? By the way the toilet smelled when she used it *sniffs* ok. This is everybody. This is a lot of everybody. This is everybody, But then everybody left, Then more people came And everybody came back. This is everybody. This is too many *blacks* WHAT?! Look, like i said, it's not racism that diversity is getting more important than just hiring 7 white people and 1 or two of the rest of us for coloration and entertainment Cause even god knows Sadistic white supremacists love watching Everybody else kill each other over Things they already have. WHITE SUPRMACISTS Oh shit, it's the guys from Equinox. (it is, in fact, those guys) Wait. did i never finish my story about so what was the whole thing about BODY SHAMING IS WRONG. Bruh whatever the whole earth is a body and what “our”*coughs* species has done to it is pretty much the most shameful thing literally ever because we're mostly all racists kind of in one way or another or have judgements and intolerances – but *coughs* What? Why are we treating Anxiety as a mental illsness? Cause it's in your head? SYNETHESIA No, this shit it *Skrill Fuck it P H Y s I cAAlLLLLLLLLLL Whats wrong with him I don't kno w please eat, would you. lol . no. How long is this fast [LOUD MOTORCYCLE/SATAN] *stomach blowing bubbles of acid before its even audible in my ears* ow . *coughs* ok , ow. *coughing* Ok, ow. What if, that gross, Scary, evil coughing thing that's following me is just JIMMY FALLON. STOP FOLLOWING ME. YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE. PLEASE, OH GOD, OH MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN. What? God's not in heaven right now!!! SHE'S NOT?! WELL, WHERE IS SHE? GONE. GONE WHERE , GOD CAN'T be GONE. GOD IS GOD. MARK LUKE JOhN PETER ….ok, this is getting strange. KING JAMES Finally, Jesus. Well, when does Jesus get here, then. Later. LATER: Can I go now? No What did you say was the Do you even read what you post sometimes? No, I mostly just write it then forget it exists What, really? Yes. So by the time you're reading this. It may have been years. Oh shit, this show's still on. Yeah. That's fucking nuts. Yeah. This shit gets craaaaazzy. my fans Yo dude, I had one roommate that might have been whatever, you had to have heard my podcast if you know anything about [PASSWORD] You want me to kill myself? *indifference* WHAT DO YOU WANT … ….. …… Why? Why WHAT? Why are YOU not fuckked up on that couch somewhere, or like, dead?! Technically, I am! What? This is a homeless shelter! Yes, obviously, however: Go on. Everyone here is sad. Correct. Everyone here is broken. Yes. Everyone here has been hurt– probably Beaten– Yes, Some of us Reviled. YO. Thisfuckedup. I gotta get out of here. Damn, so like, you pay child support and everything– But you don't even get to see your kid? And when you do it's on his terms, Because of nepotism And the assumption that as the bi-racial half of a bi-racial relationship, It must have been you that fucked up So much so That you deserve that And no matter what you do is wrong How was I wrong?! Your pussy stinks. That's it? Yep. You have mental problems. But my pussy clean. *shrugs* Anyway. Maybe I should be meditating I am META - TATING. Duh. INDIGEIDIOTS AHAHAHA . GOOD ONE. SHAQ AHAH Not right ow dude. SHAQ Why not me?! Because, dude, we have like one scene together, and i'm terrified of you. SHAQ I am picking you up now. no , no, shaquille o'neal yes , actually– wait , what's your name again S U P A C R E E n..o… YES. THERE SHE IS WHERE IS SKRILEX SHAQ UP. Why does he sound so dumb? Cause he's BIG. So that means he' dumb? NO, but I also can't afford another celebrity appearance unless, Pasqualle PASQUALE ON THE BEACH Why is it– BECAUSE [PASQUALE ROTELLA is on the beach.] PASQUALE No. AWW, COME ON. PASQUALLE NO, SUPA U Who is that? ! PASQUALE SHUT UP. Woah, okay, ouch. PASQUALE You just said ***** 147 times. NO. but NO. U. What BE U. (lmfao why does he have that like mirror thing white people in the When is this Forever Lmfao you're trying to fry yourself a sunburn tan with a giant mirror. BLUE EYED MOTHERFUCKER No, i'm *** staring in mirror intently*** Wow, your eyes are really pretty MEANWHILE [DILLON FRANCIS is about to DIE.] oh, you again. ohFUCK. [But his eys are really pretty] *glamour* Damn. Wow. She has a baby! wait , WHAT. CUT TO: Wait, Dillon Francis is having a baby?! YES. WHEN?! [NOW) WHENEVER. DAMN. [BEAT] WIBEATER You rang? NO. Hahahahaha42055555555555fucku. Whatthefuckishappeningritenow. I GOTTA GO. JUST BEAT IT, MICHAEL JACKSON. The silhouette of SUPACREE bedazzles as she dances C'ESME'T KATEY SAGAL Are we back to me yet? In a minute. Broh you have all these rich people mad deep in their feelings. I guess. (I am their feelings) It would be great if they were mad deep in their pockets for [The Festival Project™] Why. Excuse me. Why would anybody do that, When for the last [However] 15 Minutes RANDOM NON COINCIDENCE Your 15 minutes is up. That's impossible, because I'm living in a homeless shelter. Which is where you deserve to be. Huh. For being born. Excuse me? Everything you've ever done. *breath, walk talk* Is wrong (I Am.) HOLD ON JIMMY, DON'T LET GO I might let go. DON'T. Lol This kite just might be stronger than you, Jimmy Fallon. I hate this guy. What is he?! Japanese! (Ive often wondered, not worth knowing, though, cause what's about to happen is) T H E W I N D IIIIIII Please don't cry SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS plase dont Nono Nnnnnnssssssnsnsnsnsnsnfnffn V.O. Poor Little Jimmy Fallon… W I N DS FFFFFFFUUUUUUUDNDNDFFFFFFFF I AM DEFINITELY STRONGER THAN THIS KITE. No. no, you are not Wouldn't it be it's “the wind” “the wind is stronger than me” No, Jimmy Fallon James Shut up– It's the KITE DIRECTOR That's the line! Got it? And if you break fourth wall, When we're live, or just– ever again, WHAT. could be jimmy fal0n sure. Namesake police talkin bout: If we can put ot AI Michael Jackson, God rest his soul, which reminds me, After this scene, put the one with [The Soul Kitchen] I'M A MAN! T H E W I N D AAAAAAAAAAA– *sniffles* oh , maybe not. hm. JIMMY FALLON *sigh of– T H E W I N D SSFFFLLAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KITE: BLOOP. x_x DEATH. NO SHAQ! Put me down! SHAQ You can DOWN when the BASS is ALSO THERE. SUPACREE No, you don't mean– SHAQ We WILL drop the bass. SUPACREE Put me down! I'm a grown ass woman! SHAQ *purses* SUPACREE I am NOT a tiny person. SHAQ I know: I'm married to one. SUPACREE I know, i know. the entire world cringes about it, however, congratulations on your happy SHAQ DUBSTEP. SUPACREE NO, NO DUBSTEP SHAQ DUBSTEP.b SUPACREE OH, GOD, NO, PLEASE SHAQ Maybe a little rap SUPACREE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Andy Sandbourg. Uh, ok, wait, whose THE LONELY ISLAND WHEN WILL THE BASS DROP?! (When will the bass drop?) –When will the bass drop OH. That's why that island is lonely. YES. DO. NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES Ok DROP THIS BASS. Ok. I”ll be right back. Ok. [beat] [another beat] [some tension] [space] [more tension] [The lights cut CUT TO: JANET JACKSON bursts through the panoramic window. … You are not Dillon Francis FIGHT Wait, fight w– JANE JACKSON Alright you! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? lol ‘Jane Jackson?' You know, just in case she didn't want to commit, but you know Janet Jackson was one of the first ones to approach me to show interest about this project. IT'S ALL FACETIOUS LIES. (t's not tho, i'm bein 100% honest and truthful bout everything, so .) LIE what . LEARN HOW TO LIE. Excuse me? or , hey, listen: You can tell the truth, but at least be funny. This is funny. *homelessness* *niggers* STOP SAYING THAT. Isn't it weird how the word almost only offends white people now cause Cause we're all capitalists. Capitalists. People that believe in money. Oh. AS GOD. oh . YOu have none. oh . YOU are the devil ugh GROSS. You'RE BROKE. What. GET OUT. What We don't need you here. We need people to hit the workforce, buy things, and never complain unless it end in ME MAKING MONEY Ok, fine, so like I just was saying. JANET JACKSON WHERE'S MY BROTHER?! WHEVER HE IS! I DON'T KNOW! [I'm getting really tired so i'm not going to describe in full brutal detail how Janet Jackson is whooping– Who is this Is whooping this other character's ass right now. Wait, Whoopi. Fuck. You saw it. Yeah, You're Whoopi Goldberg! WhattheFUCK. But you're als Janet Jackson! I Am. WHY?! Look, I didn't know you were a channel, alright EARLIER: CUT SCENES FROM A VERY BRUTAL BATTLE SAY UNCLE NNNNOOO____YuuuurrrrJANETJACKSON SAY UNCLE Control, Janet Jackson Seriously?! You picked that song for this montage?! it's! SAYUNCLE UNCLESAMWANTS–U–TO WIN THIS FUCKING BATTLE—YAGH– JANET JACKSON SAY UNCLE JUNGLE OH SHIT. Hold up. Okay, real quick. Remember those people in the jungle that don't know their in a jungle DANE COOK WHATEVER, I'M NOT DONG THIS PROJECT. IT'S TOO LATE, YOU'RE IN. DANE COOK OK. But i'm gonna make you forget about it For like a really long time Ok Until you forget who I am at all. Alright. Many, many lifetimes. Go on. Until I find you again. And you WILL. And i WILL. AND WHEN I DO I AM NOT DOING THIS PROJECT I am SO not-famous I have almost been FORGOTTEN. Forgotten at FORGOTTEN AT ALL! And I will not AND YOU WILL NOT KNOW ME. ok . …ok. So. So…. kite. kite.___________________________________________________FL|| IIII IIIII YYYYY AAA ||||||| UNCLE– UNCLE–UNCLE JANET JACKSON NOW SING ABC by THE JACKSON 5! WHAT?! SING IT. UNCLE. UNCLE!!! I WANNA HEAR A SONG. Damn, Janet Jackson still got it. WHOOPI GOLDBERG What gave me away? Your left hook. Still got it. I know. Even in the wrong body, now look. If I'm not Michael Jackson Could never be Neither could you O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 lol she's not gonna do this movie. She might. she's friendly. besides. ABC… KEEP GOING, BUT BETTER EEEEASY AS 1-23…UNCLE! THERE'S NO UNCLE IN ABC! Do you think we're at a feature yet? Notquite Why, how oong's a feature?! Till it isn't. Right., so Look, obese americans I know its hard to face the facts– Or anything at all, because, you know “I'm going to start eating right– ….later” and nobody's judging you at all, actually because. That was me. (Is still me) When i'm eating food , which was my Adderall. What. You needed adderall. Youe entire life and never got it. Yeah I know. Because you're black. Maybe that's not why. What do you mean. Maybe that's not why. Maybe when Look, my mom wasn't going to take me to a doctor for focus issues, I would cry and cry when my dad would leave. It's probably for the best that I stay away, I'm a psycho now. I might killl you. I would like that because I just can't seem to. CAPITALIZE. CAPITALIZE OFF THIS PROJECT! HOW? SELL YOUR ASS. WHAT? No that's (Only Fans) What. Look, you can't just BE a DJ: You can, but you're gonna need like, 3 other jobs, and some hustles and shit, cause everybody else. How come. Because, dumbass , you're not Skrillex; Or whoever he sits with. [TINA FEY Is a whatever. ] What does this mean I don't know. By the way, nothing's making me “do this” It's called “automatic writing”, it's some kind of extraterrestrial psychic shit, I don't know. My pain unlocked all my colors, and well. KITE. ____________________________________________________________________KE$HA Now I'm God. Wait, How long's a feature? OOOOOOIOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH 30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, MANHATTAN, NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK. So dumb the state has the same name as the city I kno So dumb Bro could you imagine being like a comedian or like an actor during the like “The Good Old Days” I swear I'm about to stop Don't stop. SAY, IS THAT A wait , i think i feel a song coming on Oh yeah, i hear it… Something like Fuck How to tell an obstacle From a crossword, Or draw slung crosses on awkward Wax polished silver scratched ponds On the surface or Then it all starts picking up When i turn on my pic or sing, I turn to write and this Motorcycle wants to eat me from the inside out Cause the man who rides it Got nothing on to watch on his instagram stories No only fans models Just hot soft porn And he's so far from a microphone –but far at all Cause i started to talk, then The car alarms going off all i got a words, really The music is gone A couple albums coming, The old stuff I made on my long journey being homeless with no son Long sauna jaunts (and I mean) Sometimes from Sunday to Monday And monday would have come and then gone, Before I could come home Cause there wasn't one Only a sauna, at my job Well, one of them The other's across town and, I might just make it in time (i won't though) I spent my first check on a bike (my mom lives across town, but she don't even know i'm Homeless; Nevermind, She knows this, She's just Preoccupied with THE BLACKEST THING i'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. That's a person, not a thing. No, you made yourself a thing THEY. made you a thing. To THEM. but when they walk away– I'm a man. –The world's yours. You are not my kid. I get that. It's the prettiest day New York City has Ever seen Oh shit, this is fucking IT. This is theMOVIE. DILLON FRANCIS GOOD. CAUSE I'VE. HAD IT. ST. JIMMY Oh, shit. I better run. Wait, Greenday is in this?! Everybody's in this IAMBIC!!!! (it's a rock opera) Yeah God. Speaking of THE ROCK DWAYNE JOHNSON YOOOOOOOOO. Wtf. Whatthefuck. WHY YES, I AM A WHAT THE FCK. CUT TO BLACK: [The Festival Project ™] . . . “” AFTER DA CREDITZ LOL WHAT CREDITS, I'm streaming this EDITORS OH YOU WILL SEE THESE CREDITS. these are insanely creative credits. TINA FEY (But way less cute) What color is that, What is what Your hair now Is it like MELISSA MCCARTHY clover…. “It's Honeydew Blondi What “Honeydew Blondike” *blonde-like, but Holly. Which one?! Honeydew Blondish. Well it's weird. You're fucking weird. Wait have you ever actually met Tina Fey *unruly, wild shit* Oh yeah, that bitch is crazy. LIZ!!! GET BACK HERE. Uh. HOLLY ROBINSON PETE No, officer Hanson Detective You were demoted. I wasn't demoted. You know what. I was SHOT, CAPTAIN HOFFS is being haunted by her best friend's from back in the day; they are ghosts. She is the last surviving CAST MEMBER Look, what character am I supposed to be. lol WHATEVER YOU WANT what would you call this? Your “sexy” passenger? No, Dexter… Or, is it MICHAEL C. HALL I don't know. I think that's for you to decide No, dude, the whole point of the festival project is sometimes— It doesn't … Zzz Wait, what happened. skrillex left the chat. Hm. I wonder where he went. THE B- SIDE FINALLy, the BEYONCÉ PART HAVENT YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? THE WHOLE THING IS “THE BEYONCÉ PART” Because GOD BEEEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Beyonce, being Skrillex* [expletive] Ohhhhhhhh, that's how she got the accent over theeeeeeeeeeeeee —————eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeé matter. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT, INC. circa 2018- 2024 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_aLRVCa76U The Wackness The Blackness You can't escape it. The likes of the United States of America masterminded the false flag “terror attack” on its own citizens in 2001 in order to deceive it's citizens into a police state to suit the New World Order; Now, New York City preys upon its weakest and most vulnerable inhabitants via inhumane psychological terrorism, gangstalking, terror hacking, and other forms of psycholotical terrorism in order to maintain the inequivocal social and justice issues plaguing the united states of Asmerica; the globalization of a one-world government, and the continuation of the human slavetrae system from which the United states of america has built itself and has been thriving on, priding itself on being the strongest country in the world: However, it shall soon see its own de mise, with the importation of hundreds of thousands of non-natural citizens in an attempt to close the plummeting world economy, thereby once again prioritizing thousands of lives over the lives of the Indigenous and involuntarily Imported descendants of the AFRICAN BLACK american slaves YOU'RE BLAAAAA—- I get it. Shut up. BLACK. Please be quiet. BLAC shh . B please shut up. I'm allowed to have an extreme distaste for impoliteness Disgusting habits Lack of hygiene Honestly, I don't care what color you are Stop disturbing the peace NO JUSTICE NO– SHUT UP. Listen, I don't want to go through this again. I'm not going to kill myself Not today satan. I have too much to– Oh, really, I have nothing better to do than Make money? MAKE MONEY. Broke ass bitch. You realize, blacks mexicans Immagrants poor whites ugly /fat people that you're all still slaves. that the people telling you that “it's okay to not be ok” Are the exact people making everything not ok for profit. Oh, but also if your family owned slaves and property from slavery you should have to give a certain amount of your income to re-allocate some of the resources you– well , lets just face it STOLE YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WASH YOUR FUCKING PUSSY. (and also just *coughing* *toxcity* *grossness* getaway from me.. *coughing* gross . *talking on the phone at 5 am* Mmmmmmmmmhmm SHUT Yo. Where are the indigenous people? Dead. or somewhere out there claiming to be 1/32.1/2th Cherokee and pretending not to listen to taylor swift. I MADE IT. I actually hate you. I knew it was a set up from the moment i walked in the door. There she sat, hunched over in the corner, almost hiding as if to try to surprise me. But I had already been psychologically tortured with the permanant record of my own past with enough audacity that I understood that I was being provoked and manipulated; And I was tired of it. They all coughed. They all wanted to have “random” “friendly conversations about my Pedophile Wifebeater ExHusband. God Help Him (No, Seriously, help him) Because— he tore my son away from me and e verybody in Very racist, very right wing, very color-coded, colonized Rural Alaska Assured that i (being a black woman) was the problem. –and you know what? Perhaps I was. WHAT HAPPENED TO FELEYSHA WILLIAMS. Idk. she's probably dead or tweaked out somewhere. I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. Ok. But you're ging to have to torture me consistently for at least a few weeks until we fight. He deserves custody. You're crazy. Cool. i don't want to spend the rest of my life arguing with someone who looks like someone who ruined my life trying to explain why it's salad until after puberty just to make sure his beauty doesn't ruin his life. Because all he eats is processed foods and plays video games and watches anime anyway so, Really it's a perfect world, for him. He's a perfect boy. I was told he didn't love me Didn't want me Didn't ask about me And didn't need me. So i left. Well, no– I tried to kill myself first (or did) Whatever Then I left. No, actually i tried to stay and split custody down the middle so nobody would have to pay child support. It wouldn't be fair to either of us, right, but: So here I am trying to explain how Yo, look. I left my shit in a locked parked car in a parking lot To push out a 5 minute shit And when I got back Everything was gone. hm. oh , you know what? No, the car was still there. The car was still there. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I was real lucky for that, cause I lived in it. hm . Lucky for me. AH, shit. It was a rental, though, so I still owe someone a lot of money Interesting For getting ROBBED. So, here's the thing This: BEING A DISGUSTING, OBNOXIOUS, LOUD, COUGHING, DRINKING, SMOKING, PIECE OF Oh, that's what it is. It's my ex's energy. That. Doing the LEAST. Doesn't even know what clean IS so fucking fat he'll never see his penis EVER again and anybody else who does honestly it's cool, I just feel bad for her, honestly, like ? *gross pedophile wifebeater* You can't just go around calling people pedophiles! You can when everything they're obsessively sexually attracted to what looks like a kid or sometimes IS a kid without him realizing that Or is when they're openly watching porn and masturbating With a toddler. Yes. that actually happened. No, it didn't. I saw you. Well ,nobody will ever believe me, I guess because– Because the first time he hit me, I covered for him But only I begged him to stay with US THREE OF US a two year old, a one month old And me the wife that was so paralized from depression After learning that her husband The only man she ever truly “loved” had cheated The. entire . time So not only did I waste my time– My body is ruined, and I'MJUSTGOINGTOKILLMYSELF. –not the thing you want to hear as you're trying to stop the blood from pouring out of your face. My whatever . fuck this story. What why? Cause it SUCKS. PLUS I'm apparently “Very very bright” Hm And we're at the midsts of an Environmental Crisis *Multiple **Environmental*Crises Just at the tip Of another manipulated global disaster Which has left most the population Lazy and docile enough to not care About anything Anymore I care about my son. I don't care about your stuff; And I didn't take anything from you You gross, dirty, coughing ass, stinking pussy ass Grotesque Fuck it. I just don't care I have all my own shit. Honestly, I was just sick of beng reminded of this dumb sack of shit. It wasn't real. They were all actors gangstalkers undercovers CIA agents Welfare Office Workers What? Hey, look, just so you're aware Being in the system actually technically on paper strips you of some of your basic human rights and decencies. You are State Property. Bought and Sold for the benefit of The Highest bidder, Who, Never you mind, Is of the highest power In this predicament H O W E V E R I had finally been given an out; An apartment, far away from the Check it out, I was being studied, provoked, recorded, questioned about a past I was only trying to forget and gulted over and over as if i had abandoned my child on purpose No, son. Daddy just has issues And mommy has issues And I'm really really sorry about this But you're the most beautiful, Wonderful, Amazing Person I've ever met in my life, Bear(r) And I'm proud to be your FATHER. huh . what. I'm a girl. No. You're not; He's the girl. Bitch ass babymomma . Fuck it, just go be with ___ then. Oh, amazing I love this one. I never cheated I just retreated So I could repeat this: “he cheated! He cheated” “he beat me, he beat me” “I hate him, I hate him” My best friend was Annie My Lover was Davies –doesn't matter these days, though same place Salt Lake Saltair It's been years. You know how, When you're a kid, And you [Get scraped] Oh shit, I missed a – A lot. hm . You ever have another kid pick your scab off for you– Wayyyyy before it was ready? YOu ever like– You get it?? Yo, i get this is like government, public housing or whatever IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN Why does she have to be “ignorant” can't she just be NO Because she was Extremely ignorant, this particular one, and so are most of the other ignorant black people who work in social services because white people a . wouldn't do it. b . aren't equipped Because the kind of black people you meet in a new york city homeless shelter are —no , i'm not actually THAT racist— just the lowest quality people [LCD] Lowest Common Denomonator She stole my ID. Fucku. So i'm a low quality people. Yep. You suck. Ok. I'm gonna go suck at Equinox for six hours. Go, then. Don't follow me. But We're watching you. Someone's always watching me. I'm famous, But not rich And every time i make any money my ex husband gets to buy drugs and ciggarettes with it. CHILD SUPPORT Before: Literally doesn't answer phone for months. Me: Thinking my child is dead because i can't get ahold of him, it's always winter in alaska and the roads are made of ice. Panic, fear, paralyzing depression And when I finally DO get in touch; It's because: ACTUAL BEST FRIEND I haen't heard from ***** at all but a little while ago some girl called me and was yelling at me accusing of cheating with him. ME AHAHAH ACTUAL BEST FRIEND AHAHAHA US LOL SKRILLE wait , this is a different story NO, it really fucking ISN'T. SO All my wages are garnshed to pay child support I can't even TALK to my kid and Oh yeah. I was only ever homeless in the first place because This is where it happened: BITCH *throws fake house plant* *RAGE* RURNJRNH *PUNCH to the FACE 1 This cannot be happening *PUNCH TO THE FACE 2* Wow, that really sounds like in the mov– *PUNCH TO THE FACE 3* HE'S NOT STOPPING, I GOTTA *literally can't go anywhere, also being strangled* so somewhere between punches 3 and 5 *FIVE PUNCHES TO THE FACE* And I mean, he was winding his arm back and everything Oh, it was weird how like my third roommate gave me almost the exact same injuries fighting over the thermostat. I'm cold. I'm hot Well, yeah, you're from Peru and I'm from LA Alaska, so I ean technically really neither of us are built for this but hey– America needs corporate slaves so, Welcome. Yo soy triste. Ay! Dios Mios. Ahora YO soy triste! *crying* Dios Mio Anyway, they know you're like some kind of like– Wizard, or like– Wizardry's alright– —Like a fairy– I'm way, way bigger than any “fairies” i've seen (and more powerful) Some kind of like a KEISHA THE ROADCOP Why's she a road cop? Idk. My brain backwards remembers her from that random McDonalds, though, when. WAY, WAY BEFORE THAT: (kinda) This hasn't happened in a really long time Staying up all night in ableton, Then only for the day to come To write and think about how I've been fasting again, but not on purpose I've just been so stressed Because all the bodies in my simulation are inhuman , coughing Keigha seemed human Kinda I loved her. I love her. I actually liked that one. By that time it was obvious that it was all an inside job; Each “roomate” i had been paired with had been given a specific list of buttons to push, Things to talk about Topics to discuss But mostly– Buttons to push. Look, if I commit suicide and anyone cares at all, there are thousands of recordings and writings Which indicate “she struggled greatly with mental illness' Or how about I suffer greatly from My 3rd grade teacher was a classic closet racist. I'm eight. She's a huge, unmarried mormon white lady And that's super unommon (Even for the fat ones) Fat people can have normal lives!! Not really. That's a lie. BODY POSITIVITY no , you should be ashamed. why . Because ive literally been tormented my ooh , also this I've been tortured, taunted, and humiliated my entire life, Made to feel lesser than, And shamed repeatedly for not only my weight, But my skin color– and that's a whole other thing. NO. Having a disability and being black are not the same thing. NO. It's not the same thing to “skinny shame” someone as it is to ===== Look, you're looking for equality, right? NO. Why? Because ME is not equal to HER. Why not. I surfer more– –I work harder. Oh, look, by the way, I've finally figured it out that YOU LIVE IN THE JUNGLE WHAT'S A JUNGLE?!?!?! YOU'RE FAT. WHAT'S WHAT MEAN?! IT'S BAAAAD. But here, eat this: What is it: It's hamburger helper What's this gonna help? Nothin. THIRD GRADE TEACH She's a very bright girl, she jut has trouble focusing. BULLY *passing note* “Losser” SHE SPELLED ‘LOSER' WRONG. HOW AM I THE LOSER? SHE'S NOT EVEN SMART. *white passing, bilingual 8 year old* [Some spanish shit, honestly i don't know what she said because it blew my mind that she did not look, and yet was MEXICAN. FIrst season: Well, since even when I work full time and have two jobs I still can't afford an apartment, even if I DIDN'T have an eviction on my record, oh . Well, yeah; I got fired from my job I couldn't function. Like, at all I could still breastfeed, kind of *ouch* But that's it. I just couldn't… BENTLEY is a yorkshire terrier *teacup BENTLEY *is a Teacup Yorkshire Terrier What about this other thing? Which other thing? Oh, I mean, I'm not racist; I don't care what color you are Or where you come from But act decently -NOBODY wants to hear your phone conversations NOBODY wants to wake up to the sund of your voice every day (especially after the things you've said and done to them) And NOBODY Wants to pick up your trash. In fact, If that were my job, I'd have killed myself already bcause Well. This Fucking Sucks. I quit. YOU'RE THE DEVIL. YOU LEFT YOUR FAMILY TO TRY TO BE A ROCKSTAR. Actually, my family abandoned me and left me homeless when I started Eating an all-organic (at first, raw foods) whole foods diet. wtf. This is salad, no dressing. Yep. For like– Seriously my diet has been the most depressing thing about me ever since i've been maintaining my body. See. You can quit heroin. You don't NEED it to survive, Unless you're Scribbly Pibbles Aka You know what? It's not funny anymore Nevermind. When your friends go out for ice cream Ha Or Pizza Lol Lets Get McDonalds. OK, I guess i'll just starve, then. I guess we could insert the scene with Raven Symone here then? Which one? Idk. WHere is it. Idk. IT's buries. *buried [buries] Mm. Yummah. WE'll find it. I don't think we're gonna find it Maybe Sonny has it. Damn, fuck that Or maybe Dillon? [Dillon Francis is a very white man] No, but– I don't think it's safe to put any Disney or NBC shit in here cause it's like, you know YOu know what? [Censored] Hey, yeah I don't give a fuck about your shit Like at all But since you want a war And i've been brushing up on all my Office politics and strategies Then I guess since *ONE ATTACK ON MY SOUL* stop provoking me, satan Do you think he actually controls demons, or it's just the government is controlled by the white supremacists And you're being set up to fail A little of both, It's like a roller coaster Minus the plummet Explosions Co– Look, I actually can't write right now, I snapped. What do you mean I just snapped. I can't sleep I also just quit smoking weed. again Well, why'd you start Literally everyone around me for the last Who fucking knows how long but– Every single body around me starts *coughing* So maybe i must be the toxin This whole world just smells like poison Why are you trying to sterilize me. JOIN THE MILIT NO. No guns. What. PEACE. Beg your pardon. NO, NOW i'M BEGGING, ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE LEFT ALONE It's me again Get away from me you creepy ass nigga hey , it's me again stop being around. Out of sight, out of mind. You know, I was almost, almost dead Right So after being tortured by the US government about being SUPACREE Bruh, I'm telling you to quit provoking me. You're everything that's wrong with the world. Apparently, yeah so i tried to change that And by the time i do I'm obsolete TYLA, EVERYBODY! The me that everyone loved. The me that was perfect The me with Whatever she had to make her look like that (Water, btw. ) No, we don't have water. You'll have to drink it out of the sink. What. *dirty, disgusting homeless shelter bathroom sink* yeah , drink that. IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN AND DON'T FORGET I'M BETTER THAN YOU CAUSE I'M NOT HOMELESS (Anymore) Because the homeless system in itself is like a big , bleeding, gaping wound of systemic racism Within itself WHY ARE WE GIVING NON-CITIZENS SO MUCH MONEY?! It goes back into OUR econ NO, iT DON'T. Half of it goes to INT. THE NIKE STORE. DAY. What up DJ!? I fucking quit. Trying to get a job as a DJ: WHERE'S YOUR FOLLOWING. They're not gonna follow me, Because I wear clothes in my photos And don't sell ass YOU DON'T SELL ASS no I'd consider it. Why? Cause little white girls make more than black girls in porn because we're so UGLY Ok, look, just because i called you “ugly” Only the fat ugly ones like me when i'm fat. Ugly doesn't negate lack of beauty Or skin tone, To me It's a vibe. Woah. Cool colors. Woah. What happened to Skrillex? He died, i think, er like Evolved, or something Another Grammy *instantly disappears into a dimension so high I could never even think to* It's lonely at the top. I'm not lonely, i'm sick of being punished for being born. You're not being punished! That's in your MIND! PATHOLOGICAL LIAR MOTHER/ PEDOPHILE WIFE BEATER EX HUSBAND THATSALL IN YOUR MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDDDDD BEFORE: Torture– –Ridicule– -Trauma– Abuse NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. YOu know why? CAuse they have the same problems. We're all the same person except for Skrillex, The US Government, A couple of aliens Whatever those to things are Those guys over these Wtf. I thought everything is everything. NO, it's needs to split. What do you mean EVERYTHING IS NOTHING Oh. There's Jimmy Fallon. FUCK! Now I gotta exp no , i don't. I'm just gonna make music which , Doesn't really make me enough money But it's okay. I'm sick of working for corporations that only see dollar signs My employee number is my name My coworkers are all weird, and dumb and I work harder than everybody else But for some reason when I match the pace of my peers You have to go with the flow of traffic. NEW YORK CATTLE PEOPLE INSOMNIAC CATTLE PEOPLE YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. NOTHING ON YOUR PLATE HAS EVER SEEN SUNLIGHT. That's ok. I'm an omnivore No, it's not, Because The animal you're eating is a herbivore He or “it “ You gotta castrate them but he NOT FOOD FOOD COW Mo..00oo? .. yeah , i don't know. Well, what about you SKELOCHICKEN *FLl**dies* hm. CHINA MORE HORMONES TO POI– I MEAN NUTRITION YOUR PEOPLE? AMERICA YES, PLEASE ADD MORE DEPRESSION. CHINA Ok. AMERICA THANKS CHINA Also we're infiltrating with the humanoid robot genetically modified satellite controlled robot people. AMERICA You can do that? STOP ASIAN HATE. *cough* *robotic* *nothin* I don't hate you guys,but this is weird and kinda shocking. Wtf are they doing with the asians STOP ASIAN – Nobody hates you, we just ant to know why *HOSTILITY* ok , this is weird. CHINA Hey, we've been on this continent awhile it's getting kind of crowded. AMERICA *hating all the colors but needing diversity to keep the corporate slaves from rioting* lol . they won't riot. they're all drunk or medicated IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK …really? Yeah. Wow. ok. I feel a lot That'll be $88.50 *sighs* ….ok. *pays* …per pill. That's my whole– It's okay! It's not okay… Well, that's okay, because it's okay to not be okay *huffs* Ok IT'S OKAY! IT'S OK! INSURANCE! It's ONLY a $100 copay! What. EVERY 30 DAYS. $100 Cause we need you to not be okay Why RICH ASSHOLE So i can be extremely ok. [beat[ …. *sighs* *finds a penny* I'll take that too. *....* what ? I tried.. Alright, I gotta tie this up. TIE THIS UP!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I put all your shit in the trash. Tie me up. Okay, I like you But I lie good And i'm tired With my eyes on I got IONS on my filers I got no mail For the iron I'm so tired But man, I've learned that Sometimes, man Well, Just– Live hurts and if I swerve And i die first Cause this mind curse Is my worst hurt but , no That's untrue I got no son I got no phone. Got no baby momma, but my Fire's lighting up an oven For my bun, or muffin I'm bluffin, I'm stuffed but God, I love these cumsluts. [( Jimmy Fallon cannot participate in this project. )] Well, why not? Honestly, hon, If i'm the mom in that one Stumble upon this podcast on stumble upon or tumblr, Then i'm numb, Bummed out for certain the songs and curses, verses make more sense than anything (and i mean anything and everything Inside this simulation since HILARY! NO, DONALD TRUMP. –but the conundrum comin up under A microscope such as this: My husband's a public figure And this girl keeps saying *nigger* Like the problems in the world aren't getting bigger –so this ring around my finger, Shall protect us from this singer, God help her– I hope my son never reads this… But Jim, The Executive Decision has been made! She's insane! Crazy! Abandoned her own baby for fame; adjacently; The Fame Game was made to be played by Players and families [The Wealthy and Super Elite] Oh, you're not ugly cause you're black, just– *splits* *scratches humungous crotchel* Uh… Yeah, Ok. No. So is this like a PSA on mental illness? Idk. did i survive this? Suicide. God, why do i Did I write this? I might have Something like it But i died again I've been inside my mind, I lied again I have no one to confide to cause Okay: So every one with blue eyes has given me this sort of pain, specifically * racism * &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& * deception *manipulation *dishonestly *mistrust I'm 8, My third grade teacher is just WAITING for me to fuck up Speak out of turn One time, she gave a soda to every person on my row Everyone but me Didn't explain it, nothing. Just “This row wins!” (Except for Cree) And didn't say shit; didn't explain anything, just. –and we're all 8, so lol nobody's saying shit in here but apparently that mental scar stayed buried until today, While i'm just sitting here trying to explain why, Something i've always found so pretty I don't hate white women. All of my best friends (almost) Have been white girls Which is how I know *she doesn't know what she wants* blue eyed people are aware that their eyes are a mutation/adaptation specifically meant to aide in survival by reflecting light. I … ok, go on. So it's not like, they're evil for it White supremacy getting ahead entirely, so much so that the reigning world power has lost touch with reality so much that it's 8 billion inhabitants are literally dying inside out of anxiety because we've built a dystopian society where it makes more sense to poison yourself repeatedly than to actually be a human and evolve –Evolution is a group effort. So yeah, S Fuck it The celebrities are up here in sodom and gamora or whatever and half of the politicians are in there with them, but the truth is that while the rest of us fight over something that's technically only been programmed to exist (there's enough food in the world, guys.) –MAYBE NOT ENOUGH WATER THOUGH. SUPACREE That's why you're trying to make me CRY? They're psychic tears! BUT WHERE DO THE TEARS COMEFROM. HEAVEN. Literally. Nowhere you can see or ever reach because DEMONS AREN'T REAL. YOU'RE CRAZY. Wtfever I was raised in the united states of america where GOD is implicated on all of our currency as if it's no curse of blasphemy within itself– blasphemy which WE made up just to control people because well , apparently all the people –all the people– the big ones, the little ones, The fat one e the short ones, the girls and the boys –are still going to keep making more peopl e Somethings will never change. Boys will be boys. My ex husband may not actually be satan himself; You know, cause satan can't stay in one place SATAN ISN'T REAL Ok. Are we seriously going to sit here and pretend like nobody has ever read a history book in their life YES EVIL EXISTS. IT ALWAYS HAS. It's not in your head! You're not okay! You were brought here, Amost entirely with the purpose Of servitude (most of us) Living beneath some of those who have never known The pain of poverty the grief of homelessness The cruelty of racism REVERSE RACISM IS REAL. OH REAALLY?????!! NIGGER. CRACKER. Which one do you want to eat? Neither, honestly, I'd just- Oh my God, he's up! Like a glass of Oh My God! My God! He's Alive! TYLA I got it! JIMMY FALLON Water. Wtf is Jimmy Fallon doing in a coma. IDK cause who the fuck just beat the shit out of JImmy Falon? I'm assuming it's not his Could actually be– Babymama. hm . …Unless it was. Into a coma?! “Why Women Kill” Oh, I get it. They're trying to see if i' P m violent. At this point ________LINES ____________________- BEING _______ ___________CROSSSS ok , i fuked skrilex. I KNEW IT. I TOLD YOU. See, look this is not It's not Like, it doesn't have to be special or anything, i just– Need it. SKRILLEx/SONNY …I beg your pardon? SUPACREE Please, don't beg… SKRILLEX *face* SUPACREE I mean– SKRILLEX *squints* Unless you're into that, or something. I don't know! “I don't know” SKRILLEX So wait, you're a fan. [Apparently, or obviously, cause, I'm honestly getting this play by play, here, finishihg writing story in a stream of consciousness–] (or unconsciousness) Oh! That's MY coma! Nice! Damn. Wtf. [--like in real time–or, like, was, before I got distracted thinking about Shit, I got so much stuff I gotta do. [INSERT CELEBRITY APPEARANCE HERE] Well, perhaps this is one of them. Holy shit, I'm acid. What. How did that happen so fast it's only been like What? Well, how long's it been? I don't know, now well, where'd she go. It's Over. What? It's gone. Just let me go ok . Just let me go. ok . Just let me go. What if I just JUMP UP NO. Don't do that. The kit is stronger than you, Jimmathin. “Jimmathin”!” What, you wanted KING JAMES Fine, I'll write it. What. What is this. This is just like Woah [Art] Wow. Yeah. There's a lot. A R T JIMMY FALLON is a Are we going this? How else am i supposed to explain “ I L L U M I N A T I Look I'm you. ok . You're me. alright. [Young Gods] Wrking title Didn't they aready do this– Or something like this? Yes, but I wrote it first. TV Come and Get it! RAP WORLD UNH YOu'RE A LOSER UNH IMA NIGGA SO WHAT UHHHH Shut up, drake UNNNNHHH I'm gonna call you up UN That's enough OOOOHHHBIIIIRRRRRRRRRR That's it. You're done. WASTED. YOU DON'T WANNA BLACK BOY I GOT LOTS OF BLAC GIRLS WHITE GIRLS MOLLY, ROCK WHITE GIRL, WHITE GIRLS CHINESE EYES I LIKE HER THIGHS Sunni, shut up In UNISON Sep: I MADE IT! EARLIER: SEP, FROM UNISON Gimmie a dollar. ….okay, but I only have one dollar. Jimmy Fallon ILLUMINATI Please explain this. JAMES FALLON is a simple man. IS HIS NAME JAMES?! I don't know, but who names their kid JIMI Oh, no, that's like, Like you know, JImi Hendrix aww , i loved that baby… I love babies. I love her. aw . this is WRAP IT UP This is a lot of stories, okay, but mainly how somehow I got T R A U M A (D) Whait, where's Dillon Francis?! Who the fuck cares. Wake up. For waht. I gotta get waisted. You mean *wasted* Shut up. Wait so like, DIllon and CC are like Together? DJ* Oyeah. DJ. DJ the DJ [DJ the DJ] [BJ the DJ] ok , that was also, like, first season YOu're right, Justin, this is getting Meta. I'm not Hustin, I'm Rick. What. I'm Rick. No, no you're RICK SANCHEZ IT'S ME. i'M BACK. i”M THE REAL RICK SANCHEZ. well la-teee– UNITY You forgot about me, didnt you? UNITY!? That's why everyone is assimilated. Damn, you're really good a dissociating? Would you rather I not be? CUT BACK TO: Homeless shelter: The Reject Pile, The literally runoff of the World. Right. The broken, forgotten women that. Woah, her whole face was FUCKED UP. She went back to him NOOOOO (but like, that was me) Whatever. If you don't have kids, run! Fuck it, if you have kids, run just run at night and do it Quickly Just get out. Quietly Shhh. Wait, isn't it just as bad the other way around? What? Huh *still fucked up* You're high right now? No, i”m not high I mean I Am I mean, I wanna get FUCKED UP. What are you saying? What i'm saying is; I would get high on anything else but life right now why Cause i wanna die so die i can't why otta solve this what . Why i can't die. You WHAT?! I CAN'T DIE! US GOVT It's true! We tried like three times already. This can never lead back to us Did they give you a script!? Brings up random story from childhood even i forgot about. So you want me to drink water out of this *basically a toilet* Actually, the toilet might have been cleaner if she wasn't such a WHORE. What. She was a whore. I kind of figured. Why? By the way the toilet smelled when she used it *sniffs* ok. This is everybody. This is a lot of everybody. This is everybody, But then everybody left, Then more people came And everybody came back. This is everybody. This is too many *blacks* WHAT?! Look, like i said, it's not racism that diversity is getting more important than just hiring 7 white people and 1 or two of the rest of us for coloration and entertainment Cause even god knows Sadistic white supremacists love watching Everybody else kill each other over Things they already have. WHITE SUPRMACISTS Oh shit, it's the guys from Equinox. (it is, in fact, those guys) Wait. did i never finish my story about so what was the whole thing about BODY SHAMING IS WRONG. Bruh whatever the whole earth is a body and what “our”*coughs* species has done to it is pretty much the most shameful thing literally ever because we're mostly all racists kind of in one way or another or have judgements and intolerances – but *coughs* What? Why are we treating Anxiety as a mental illsness? Cause it's in your head? SYNETHESIA No, this shit it *Skrill Fuck it P H Y s I cAAlLLLLLLLLLL Whats wrong with him I don't kno w please eat, would you. lol . no. How long is this fast [LOUD MOTORCYCLE/SATAN] *stomach blowing bubbles of acid before its even audible in my ears* ow . *coughs* ok , ow. *coughing* Ok, ow. What if, that gross, Scary, evil coughing thing that's following me is just JIMMY FALLON. STOP FOLLOWING ME. YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE. PLEASE, OH GOD, OH MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN. What? God's not in heaven right now!!! SHE'S NOT?! WELL, WHERE IS SHE? GONE. GONE WHERE , GOD CAN'T be GONE. GOD IS GOD. MARK LUKE JOhN PETER ….ok, this is getting strange. KING JAMES Finally, Jesus. Well, when does Jesus get here, then. Later. LATER: Can I go now? No What did you say was the Do you even read what you post sometimes? No, I mostly just write it then forget it exists What, really? Yes. So by the time you're reading this. It may have been years. Oh shit, this show's still on. Yeah. That's fucking nuts. Yeah. This shit gets craaaaazzy. my fans Yo dude, I had one roommate that might have been whatever, you had to have heard my podcast if you know anything about [PASSWORD] You want me to kill myself? *indifference* WHAT DO YOU WANT … ….. …… Why? Why WHAT? Why are YOU not fuckked up on that couch somewhere, or like, dead?! Technically, I am! What? This is a homeless shelter! Yes, obviously, however: Go on. Everyone here is sad. Correct. Everyone here is broken. Yes. Everyone here has been hurt– probably Beaten– Yes, Some of us Reviled. YO. Thisfuckedup. I gotta get out of here. Damn, so like, you pay child support and everything– But you don't even get to see your kid? And when you do it's on his terms, Because of nepotism And the assumption that as the bi-racial half of a bi-racial relationship, It must have been you that fucked up So much so That you deserve that And no matter what you do is wrong How was I wrong?! Your pussy stinks. That's it? Yep. You have mental problems. But my pussy clean. *shrugs* Anyway. Maybe I should be meditating I am META - TATING. Duh. INDIGEIDIOTS AHAHAHA . GOOD ONE. SHAQ AHAH Not right ow dude. SHAQ Why not me?! Because, dude, we have like one scene together, and i'm terrified of you. SHAQ I am picking you up now. no , no, shaquille o'neal yes , actually– wait , what's your name again S U P A C R E E n..o… YES. THERE SHE IS WHERE IS SKRILEX SHAQ UP. Why does he sound so dumb? Cause he's BIG. So that means he' dumb? NO, but I also can't afford another celebrity appearance unless, Pasqualle PASQUALE ON THE BEACH Why is it– BECAUSE [PASQUALE ROTELLA is on the beach.] PASQUALE No. AWW, COME ON. PASQUALLE NO, SUPA U Who is that? ! PASQUALE SHUT UP. Woah, okay, ouch. PASQUALE You just said ***** 147 times. NO. but NO. U. What BE U. (lmfao why does he have that like mirror thing white people in the When is this Forever Lmfao you're trying to fry yourself a sunburn tan with a giant mirror. BLUE EYED MOTHERFUCKER No, i'm *** staring in mirror intently*** Wow, your eyes are really pretty MEANWHILE [DILLON FRANCIS is about to DIE.] oh, you again. ohFUCK. [But his eys are really pretty] *glamour* Damn. Wow. She has a baby! wait , WHAT. CUT TO: Wait, Dillon Francis is having a baby?! YES. WHEN?! [NOW) WHENEVER. DAMN. [BEAT] WIBEATER You rang? NO. Hahahahaha42055555555555fucku. Whatthefuckishappeningritenow. I GOTTA GO. JUST BEAT IT, MICHAEL JACKSON. The silhouette of SUPACREE bedazzles as she dances C'ESME'T KATEY SAGAL Are we back to me yet? In a minute. Broh you have all these rich people mad deep in their feelings. I guess. (I am their feelings) It would be great if they were mad deep in their pockets for [The Festival Project™] Why. Excuse me. Why would anybody do that, When for the last [However] 15 Minutes RANDOM NON COINCIDENCE Your 15 minutes is up. That's impossible, because I'm living in a homeless shelter. Which is where you deserve to be. Huh. For being born. Excuse me? Everything you've ever done. *breath, walk talk* Is wrong (I Am.) HOLD ON JIMMY, DON'T LET GO I might let go. DON'T. Lol This kite just might be stronger than you, Jimmy Fallon. I hate this guy. What is he?! Japanese! (Ive often wondered, not worth knowing, though, cause what's about to happen is) T H E W I N D IIIIIII Please don't cry SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS plase dont Nono Nnnnnnssssssnsnsnsnsnsnfnffn V.O. Poor Little Jimmy Fallon… W I N DS FFFFFFFUUUUUUUDNDNDFFFFFFFF I AM DEFINITELY STRONGER THAN THIS KITE. No. no, you are not Wouldn't it be it's “the wind” “the wind is stronger than me” No, Jimmy Fallon James Shut up– It's the KITE DIRECTOR That's the line! Got it? And if you break fourth wall, When we're live, or just– ever again, WHAT. could be jimmy fal0n sure. Namesake police talkin bout: If we can put ot AI Michael Jackson, God rest his soul, which reminds me, After this scene, put the one with [The Soul Kitchen] I'M A MAN! T H E W I N D AAAAAAAAAAA– *sniffles* oh , maybe not. hm. JIMMY FALLON *sigh of– T H E W I N D SSFFFLLAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KITE: BLOOP. x_x DEATH. NO SHAQ! Put me down! SHAQ You can DOWN when the BASS is ALSO THERE. SUPACREE No, you don't mean– SHAQ We WILL drop the bass. SUPACREE Put me down! I'm a grown ass woman! SHAQ *purses* SUPACREE I am NOT a tiny person. SHAQ I know: I'm married to one. SUPACREE I know, i know. the entire world cringes about it, however, congratulations on your happy SHAQ DUBSTEP. SUPACREE NO, NO DUBSTEP SHAQ DUBSTEP.b SUPACREE OH, GOD, NO, PLEASE SHAQ Maybe a little rap SUPACREE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Andy Sandbourg. Uh, ok, wait, whose THE LONELY ISLAND WHEN WILL THE BASS DROP?! (When will the bass drop?) –When will the bass drop OH. That's why that island is lonely. YES. DO. NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES Ok DROP THIS BASS. Ok. I”ll be right back. Ok. [beat] [another beat] [some tension] [space] [more tension] [The lights cut CUT TO: JANET JACKSON bursts through the panoramic window. … You are not Dillon Francis FIGHT Wait, fight w– JANE JACKSON Alright you! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? lol ‘Jane Jackson?' You know, just in case she didn't want to commit, but you know Janet Jackson was one of the first ones to approach me to show interest about this project. IT'S ALL FACETIOUS LIES. (t's not tho, i'm bein 100% honest and truthful bout everything, so .) LIE what . LEARN HOW TO LIE. Excuse me? or , hey, listen: You can tell the truth, but at least be funny. This is funny. *homelessness* *niggers* STOP SAYING THAT. Isn't it weird how the word almost only offends white people now cause Cause we're all capitalists. Capitalists. People that believe in money. Oh. AS GOD. oh . YOu have none. oh . YOU are the devil ugh GROSS. You'RE BROKE. What. GET OUT. What We don't need you here. We need people to hit the workforce, buy things, and never complain unless it end in ME MAKING MONEY Ok, fine, so like I just was saying. JANET JACKSON WHERE'S MY BROTHER?! WHEVER HE IS! I DON'T KNOW! [I'm getting really tired so i'm not going to describe in full brutal detail how Janet Jackson is whooping– Who is this Is whooping this other character's ass right now. Wait, Whoopi. Fuck. You saw it. Yeah, You're Whoopi Goldberg! WhattheFUCK. But you're als Janet Jackson! I Am. WHY?! Look, I didn't know you were a channel, alright EARLIER: CUT SCENES FROM A VERY BRUTAL BATTLE SAY UNCLE NNNNOOO____YuuuurrrrJANETJACKSON SAY UNCLE Control, Janet Jackson Seriously?! You picked that song for this montage?! it's! SAYUNCLE UNCLESAMWANTS–U–TO WIN THIS FUCKING BATTLE—YAGH– JANET JACKSON SAY UNCLE JUNGLE OH SHIT. Hold up. Okay, real quick. Remember those people in the jungle that don't know their in a jungle DANE COOK WHATEVER, I'M NOT DONG THIS PROJECT. IT'S TOO LATE, YOU'RE IN. DANE COOK OK. But i'm gonna make you forget about it For like a really long time Ok Until you forget who I am at all. Alright. Many, many lifetimes. Go on. Until I find you again. And you WILL. And i WILL. AND WHEN I DO I AM NOT DOING THIS PROJECT I am SO not-famous I have almost been FORGOTTEN. Forgotten at FORGOTTEN AT ALL! And I will not AND YOU WILL NOT KNOW ME. ok . …ok. So. So…. kite. kite.___________________________________________________FL|| IIII IIIII YYYYY AAA ||||||| UNCLE– UNCLE–UNCLE JANET JACKSON NOW SING ABC by THE JACKSON 5! WHAT?! SING IT. UNCLE. UNCLE!!! I WANNA HEAR A SONG. Damn, Janet Jackson still got it. WHOOPI GOLDBERG What gave me away? Your left hook. Still got it. I know. Even in the wrong body, now look. If I'm not Michael Jackson Could never be Neither could you O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 lol she's not gonna do this movie. She might. she's friendly. besides. ABC… KEEP GOING, BUT BETTER EEEEASY AS 1-23…UNCLE! THERE'S NO UNCLE IN ABC! Do you think we're at a feature yet? Notquite Why, how oong's a feature?! Till it isn't. Right., so Look, obese americans I know its hard to face the facts– Or anything at all, because, you know “I'm going to start eating right– ….later” and nobody's judging you at all, actually because. That was me. (Is still me) When i'm eating food , which was my Adderall. What. You needed adderall. Youe entire life and never got it. Yeah I know. Because you're black. Maybe that's not why. What do you mean. Maybe that's not why. Maybe when Look, my mom wasn't going to take me to a doctor for focus issues, I would cry and cry when my dad would leave. It's probably for the best that I stay away, I'm a psycho now. I might killl you. I would like that because I just can't seem to. CAPITALIZE. CAPITALIZE OFF THIS PROJECT! HOW? SELL YOUR ASS. WHAT? No that's (Only Fans) What. Look, you can't just BE a DJ: You can, but you're gonna need like, 3 other jobs, and some hustles and shit, cause everybody else. How come. Because, dumbass , you're not Skrillex; Or whoever he sits with. [TINA FEY Is a whatever. ] What does this mean I don't know. By the way, nothing's making me “do this” It's called “automatic writing”, it's some kind of extraterrestrial psychic shit, I don't know. My pain unlocked all my colors, and well. KITE. ____________________________________________________________________KE$HA Now I'm God. Wait, How long's a feature? OOOOOOIOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH 30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, MANHATTAN, NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK. So dumb the state has the same name as the city I kno So dumb Bro could you imagine being like a comedian or like an actor during the like “The Good Old Days” I swear I'm about to stop Don't stop. SAY, IS THAT A wait , i think i feel a song coming on Oh yeah, i hear it… Something like Fuck How to tell an obstacle From a crossword, Or draw slung crosses on awkward Wax polished silver scratched ponds On the surface or Then it all starts picking up When i turn on my pic or sing, I turn to write and this Motorcycle wants to eat me from the inside out Cause the man who rides it Got nothing on to watch on his instagram stories No only fans models Just hot soft porn And he's so far from a microphone –but far at all Cause i started to talk, then The car alarms going off all i got a words, really The music is gone A couple albums coming, The old stuff I made on my long journey being homeless with no son Long sauna jaunts (and I mean) Sometimes from Sunday to Monday And monday would have come and then gone, Before I could come home Cause there wasn't one Only a sauna, at my job Well, one of them The other's across town and, I might just make it in time (i won't though) I spent my first check on a bike (my mom lives across town, but she don't even know i'm Homeless; Nevermind, She knows this, She's just Preoccupied with THE BLACKEST THING i'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. That's a person, not a thing. No, you made yourself a thing THEY. made you a thing. To THEM. but when they walk away– I'm a man. –The world's yours. You are not my kid. I get that. It's the prettiest day New York City has Ever seen Oh shit, this is fucking IT. This is theMOVIE. DILLON FRANCIS GOOD. CAUSE I'VE. HAD IT. ST. JIMMY Oh, shit. I better run. Wait, Greenday is in this?! Everybody's in this IAMBIC!!!! (it's a rock opera) Yeah God. Speaking of THE ROCK DWAYNE JOHNSON YOOOOOOOOO. Wtf. Whatthefuck. WHY YES, I AM A WHAT THE FCK. CUT TO BLACK: [The Festival Project ™] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT, INC. circa 2018- 2024 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. “” AFTER DA CREDITZ LOL WHAT CREDITS, I'm streaming this EDITORS OH YOU WILL SEE THESE CREDITS. these are insanely creative credits. TINA FEY (But way less cute) What color is that, What is what Your hair now Is it like MELISSA MCCARTHY clover…. “It's Honeydew Blondi What “Honeydew Blondike” *blonde-like, but Holly. Which one?! Honeydew Blondish. Well it's weird. You're fucking weird. Wait have you ever actually met Tina Fey *unruly, wild shit* Oh yeah, that bitch is crazy. LIZ!!! GET BACK HERE. Uh. HOLLY ROBINSON PETE No, officer Hanson Detective You were demoted. I wasn't demoted. You know what. I was SHOT, CAPTAIN HOFFS is being haunted by her best friend's from back in the day; they are ghosts. She is the last surviving CAST MEMBER Look, what character am I supposed to be. lol WHATEVER YOU WANT what would you call this? Your “sexy” passenger? No, Dexter… Or, is it MICHAEL C. HALL I don't know. I think that's for you to decide No, dude, the whole point of the festival project is sometimes— It doesn't … Zzz Wait, what happened. skrillex left the chat. Hm. I wonder where he went. THE B- SIDE FINALLy, the BEYONCÉ PART HAVENT YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? THE WHOLE THING IS “THE BEYONCÉ PART” Because GOD BEEEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Beyonce, being Skrillex* [expletive] Ohhhhhhhh, that's how she got the accent over theeeeeeeeeeeeee —————eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeé matter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_aLRVCa76U The Wackness The Blackness You can't escape it. The likes of the United States of America masterminded the false flag “terror attack” on its own citizens in 2001 in order to deceive it's citizens into a police state to suit the New World Order; Now, New York City preys upon its weakest and most vulnerable inhabitants via inhumane psychological terrorism, gangstalking, terror hacking, and other forms of psycholotical terrorism in order to maintain the inequivocal social and justice issues plaguing the united states of Asmerica; the globalization of a one-world government, and the continuation of the human slavetrae system from which the United states of america has built itself and has been thriving on, priding itself on being the strongest country in the world: However, it shall soon see its own de mise, with the importation of hundreds of thousands of non-natural citizens in an attempt to close the plummeting world economy, thereby once again prioritizing thousands of lives over the lives of the Indigenous and involuntarily Imported descendants of the AFRICAN BLACK american slaves YOU'RE BLAAAAA—- I get it. Shut up. BLACK. Please be quiet. BLAC shh . B please shut up. I'm allowed to have an extreme distaste for impoliteness Disgusting habits Lack of hygiene Honestly, I don't care what color you are Stop disturbing the peace NO JUSTICE NO– SHUT UP. Listen, I don't want to go through this again. I'm not going to kill myself Not today satan. I have too much to– Oh, really, I have nothing better to do than Make money? MAKE MONEY. Broke ass bitch. You realize, blacks mexicans Immagrants poor whites ugly /fat people that you're all still slaves. that the people telling you that “it's okay to not be ok” Are the exact people making everything not ok for profit. Oh, but also if your family owned slaves and property from slavery you should have to give a certain amount of your income to re-allocate some of the resources you– well , lets just face it STOLE YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WASH YOUR FUCKING PUSSY. (and also just *coughing* *toxcity* *grossness* getaway from me.. *coughing* gross . *talking on the phone at 5 am* Mmmmmmmmmhmm SHUT Yo. Where are the indigenous people? Dead. or somewhere out there claiming to be 1/32.1/2th Cherokee and pretending not to listen to taylor swift. I MADE IT. I actually hate you. I knew it was a set up from the moment i walked in the door. There she sat, hunched over in the corner, almost hiding as if to try to surprise me. But I had already been psychologically tortured with the permanant record of my own past with enough audacity that I understood that I was being provoked and manipulated; And I was tired of it. They all coughed. They all wanted to have “random” “friendly conversations about my Pedophile Wifebeater ExHusband. God Help Him (No, Seriously, help him) Because— he tore my son away from me and e verybody in Very racist, very right wing, very color-coded, colonized Rural Alaska Assured that i (being a black woman) was the problem. –and you know what? Perhaps I was. WHAT HAPPENED TO FELEYSHA WILLIAMS. Idk. she's probably dead or tweaked out somewhere. I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. Ok. But you're ging to have to torture me consistently for at least a few weeks until we fight. He deserves custody. You're crazy. Cool. i don't want to spend the rest of my life arguing with someone who looks like someone who ruined my life trying to explain why it's salad until after puberty just to make sure his beauty doesn't ruin his life. Because all he eats is processed foods and plays video games and watches anime anyway so, Really it's a perfect world, for him. He's a perfect boy. I was told he didn't love me Didn't want me Didn't ask about me And didn't need me. So i left. Well, no– I tried to kill myself first (or did) Whatever Then I left. No, actually i tried to stay and split custody down the middle so nobody would have to pay child support. It wouldn't be fair to either of us, right, but: So here I am trying to explain how Yo, look. I left my shit in a locked parked car in a parking lot To push out a 5 minute shit And when I got back Everything was gone. hm. oh , you know what? No, the car was still there. The car was still there. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I was real lucky for that, cause I lived in it. hm . Lucky for me. AH, shit. It was a rental, though, so I still owe someone a lot of money Interesting For getting ROBBED. So, here's the thing This: BEING A DISGUSTING, OBNOXIOUS, LOUD, COUGHING, DRINKING, SMOKING, PIECE OF Oh, that's what it is. It's my ex's energy. That. Doing the LEAST. Doesn't even know what clean IS so fucking fat he'll never see his penis EVER again and anybody else who does honestly it's cool, I just feel bad for her, honestly, like ? *gross pedophile wifebeater* You can't just go around calling people pedophiles! You can when everything they're obsessively sexually attracted to what looks like a kid or sometimes IS a kid without him realizing that Or is when they're openly watching porn and masturbating With a toddler. Yes. that actually happened. No, it didn't. I saw you. Well ,nobody will ever believe me, I guess because– Because the first time he hit me, I covered for him But only I begged him to stay with US THREE OF US a two year old, a one month old And me the wife that was so paralized from depression After learning that her husband The only man she ever truly “loved” had cheated The. entire . time So not only did I waste my time– My body is ruined, and I'MJUSTGOINGTOKILLMYSELF. –not the thing you want to hear as you're trying to stop the blood from pouring out of your face. My whatever . fuck this story. What why? Cause it SUCKS. PLUS I'm apparently “Very very bright” Hm And we're at the midsts of an Environmental Crisis *Multiple **Environmental*Crises Just at the tip Of another manipulated global disaster Which has left most the population Lazy and docile enough to not care About anything Anymore I care about my son. I don't care about your stuff; And I didn't take anything from you You gross, dirty, coughing ass, stinking pussy ass Grotesque Fuck it. I just don't care I have all my own shit. Honestly, I was just sick of beng reminded of this dumb sack of shit. It wasn't real. They were all actors gangstalkers undercovers CIA agents Welfare Office Workers What? Hey, look, just so you're aware Being in the system actually technically on paper strips you of some of your basic human rights and decencies. You are State Property. Bought and Sold for the benefit of The Highest bidder, Who, Never you mind, Is of the highest power In this predicament H O W E V E R I had finally been given an out; An apartment, far away from the Check it out, I was being studied, provoked, recorded, questioned about a past I was only trying to forget and gulted over and over as if i had abandoned my child on purpose No, son. Daddy just has issues And mommy has issues And I'm really really sorry about this But you're the most beautiful, Wonderful, Amazing Person I've ever met in my life, Bear(r) And I'm proud to be your FATHER. huh . what. I'm a girl. No. You're not; He's the girl. Bitch ass babymomma . Fuck it, just go be with ___ then. Oh, amazing I love this one. I never cheated I just retreated So I could repeat this: “he cheated! He cheated” “he beat me, he beat me” “I hate him, I hate him” My best friend was Annie My Lover was Davies –doesn't matter these days, though same place Salt Lake Saltair It's been years. You know how, When you're a kid, And you [Get scraped] Oh shit, I missed a – A lot. hm . You ever have another kid pick your scab off for you– Wayyyyy before it was ready? YOu ever like– You get it?? Yo, i get this is like government, public housing or whatever IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN Why does she have to be “ignorant” can't she just be NO Because she was Extremely ignorant, this particular one, and so are most of the other ignorant black people who work in social services because white people a . wouldn't do it. b . aren't equipped Because the kind of black people you meet in a new york city homeless shelter are —no , i'm not actually THAT racist— just the lowest quality people [LCD] Lowest Common Denomonator She stole my ID. Fucku. So i'm a low quality people. Yep. You suck. Ok. I'm gonna go suck at Equinox for six hours. Go, then. Don't follow me. But We're watching you. Someone's always watching me. I'm famous, But not rich And every time i make any money my ex husband gets to buy drugs and ciggarettes with it. CHILD SUPPORT Before: Literally doesn't answer phone for months. Me: Thinking my child is dead because i can't get ahold of him, it's always winter in alaska and the roads are made of ice. Panic, fear, paralyzing depression And when I finally DO get in touch; It's because: ACTUAL BEST FRIEND I haen't heard from ***** at all but a little while ago some girl called me and was yelling at me accusing of cheating with him. ME AHAHAH ACTUAL BEST FRIEND AHAHAHA US LOL SKRILLE wait , this is a different story NO, it really fucking ISN'T. SO All my wages are garnshed to pay child support I can't even TALK to my kid and Oh yeah. I was only ever homeless in the first place because This is where it happened: BITCH *throws fake house plant* *RAGE* RURNJRNH *PUNCH to the FACE 1 This cannot be happening *PUNCH TO THE FACE 2* Wow, that really sounds like in the mov– *PUNCH TO THE FACE 3* HE'S NOT STOPPING, I GOTTA *literally can't go anywhere, also being strangled* so somewhere between punches 3 and 5 *FIVE PUNCHES TO THE FACE* And I mean, he was winding his arm back and everything Oh, it was weird how like my third roommate gave me almost the exact same injuries fighting over the thermostat. I'm cold. I'm hot Well, yeah, you're from Peru and I'm from LA Alaska, so I ean technically really neither of us are built for this but hey– America needs corporate slaves so, Welcome. Yo soy triste. Ay! Dios Mios. Ahora YO soy triste! *crying* Dios Mio Anyway, they know you're like some kind of like– Wizard, or like– Wizardry's alright– —Like a fairy– I'm way, way bigger than any “fairies” i've seen (and more powerful) Some kind of like a KEISHA THE ROADCOP Why's she a road cop? Idk. My brain backwards remembers her from that random McDonalds, though, when. WAY, WAY BEFORE THAT: (kinda) This hasn't happened in a really long time Staying up all night in ableton, Then only for the day to come To write and think about how I've been fasting again, but not on purpose I've just been so stressed Because all the bodies in my simulation are inhuman , coughing Keigha seemed human Kinda I loved her. I love her. I actually liked that one. By that time it was obvious that it was all an inside job; Each “roomate” i had been paired with had been given a specific list of buttons to push, Things to talk about Topics to discuss But mostly– Buttons to push. Look, if I commit suicide and anyone cares at all, there are thousands of recordings and writings Which indicate “she struggled greatly with mental illness' Or how about I suffer greatly from My 3rd grade teacher was a classic closet racist. I'm eight. She's a huge, unmarried mormon white lady And that's super unommon (Even for the fat ones) Fat people can have normal lives!! Not really. That's a lie. BODY POSITIVITY no , you should be ashamed. why . Because ive literally been tormented my ooh , also this I've been tortured, taunted, and humiliated my entire life, Made to feel lesser than, And shamed repeatedly for not only my weight, But my skin color– and that's a whole other thing. NO. Having a disability and being black are not the same thing. NO. It's not the same thing to “skinny shame” someone as it is to ===== Look, you're looking for equality, right? NO. Why? Because ME is not equal to HER. Why not. I surfer more– –I work harder. Oh, look, by the way, I've finally figured it out that YOU LIVE IN THE JUNGLE WHAT'S A JUNGLE?!?!?! YOU'RE FAT. WHAT'S WHAT MEAN?! IT'S BAAAAD. But here, eat this: What is it: It's hamburger helper What's this gonna help? Nothin. THIRD GRADE TEACH She's a very bright girl, she jut has trouble focusing. BULLY *passing note* “Losser” SHE SPELLED ‘LOSER' WRONG. HOW AM I THE LOSER? SHE'S NOT EVEN SMART. *white passing, bilingual 8 year old* [Some spanish shit, honestly i don't know what she said because it blew my mind that she did not look, and yet was MEXICAN. FIrst season: Well, since even when I work full time and have two jobs I still can't afford an apartment, even if I DIDN'T have an eviction on my record, oh . Well, yeah; I got fired from my job I couldn't function. Like, at all I could still breastfeed, kind of *ouch* But that's it. I just couldn't… BENTLEY is a yorkshire terrier *teacup BENTLEY *is a Teacup Yorkshire Terrier What about this other thing? Which other thing? Oh, I mean, I'm not racist; I don't care what color you are Or where you come from But act decently -NOBODY wants to hear your phone conversations NOBODY wants to wake up to the sund of your voice every day (especially after the things you've said and done to them) And NOBODY Wants to pick up your trash. In fact, If that were my job, I'd have killed myself already bcause Well. This Fucking Sucks. I quit. YOU'RE THE DEVIL. YOU LEFT YOUR FAMILY TO TRY TO BE A ROCKSTAR. Actually, my family abandoned me and left me homeless when I started Eating an all-organic (at first, raw foods) whole foods diet. wtf. This is salad, no dressing. Yep. For like– Seriously my diet has been the most depressing thing about me ever since i've been maintaining my body. See. You can quit heroin. You don't NEED it to survive, Unless you're Scribbly Pibbles Aka You know what? It's not funny anymore Nevermind. When your friends go out for ice cream Ha Or Pizza Lol Lets Get McDonalds. OK, I guess i'll just starve, then. I guess we could insert the scene with Raven Symone here then? Which one? Idk. WHere is it. Idk. IT's buries. *buried [buries] Mm. Yummah. WE'll find it. I don't think we're gonna find it Maybe Sonny has it. Damn, fuck that Or maybe Dillon? [Dillon Francis is a very white man] No, but– I don't think it's safe to put any Disney or NBC shit in here cause it's like, you know YOu know what? [Censored] Hey, yeah I don't give a fuck about your shit Like at all But since you want a war And i've been brushing up on all my Office politics and strategies Then I guess since *ONE ATTACK ON MY SOUL* stop provoking me, satan Do you think he actually controls demons, or it's just the government is controlled by the white supremacists And you're being set up to fail A little of both, It's like a roller coaster Minus the plummet Explosions Co– Look, I actually can't write right now, I snapped. What do you mean I just snapped. I can't sleep I also just quit smoking weed. again Well, why'd you start Literally everyone around me for the last Who fucking knows how long but– Every single body around me starts *coughing* So maybe i must be the toxin This whole world just smells like poison Why are you trying to sterilize me. JOIN THE MILIT NO. No guns. What. PEACE. Beg your pardon. NO, NOW i'M BEGGING, ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE LEFT ALONE It's me again Get away from me you creepy ass nigga hey , it's me again stop being around. Out of sight, out of mind. You know, I was almost, almost dead Right So after being tortured by the US government about being SUPACREE Bruh, I'm telling you to quit provoking me. You're everything that's wrong with the world. Apparently, yeah so i tried to change that And by the time i do I'm obsolete TYLA, EVERYBODY! The me that everyone loved. The me that was perfect The me with Whatever she had to make her look like that (Water, btw. ) No, we don't have water. You'll have to drink it out of the sink. What. *dirty, disgusting homeless shelter bathroom sink* yeah , drink that. IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN AND DON'T FORGET I'M BETTER THAN YOU CAUSE I'M NOT HOMELESS (Anymore) Because the homeless system in itself is like a big , bleeding, gaping wound of systemic racism Within itself WHY ARE WE GIVING NON-CITIZENS SO MUCH MONEY?! It goes back into OUR econ NO, iT DON'T. Half of it goes to INT. THE NIKE STORE. DAY. What up DJ!? I fucking quit. Trying to get a job as a DJ: WHERE'S YOUR FOLLOWING. They're not gonna follow me, Because I wear clothes in my photos And don't sell ass YOU DON'T SELL ASS no I'd consider it. Why? Cause little white girls make more than black girls in porn because we're so UGLY Ok, look, just because i called you “ugly” Only the fat ugly ones like me when i'm fat. Ugly doesn't negate lack of beauty Or skin tone, To me It's a vibe. Woah. Cool colors. Woah. What happened to Skrillex? He died, i think, er like Evolved, or something Another Grammy *instantly disappears into a dimension so high I could never even think to* It's lonely at the top. I'm not lonely, i'm sick of being punished for being born. You're not being punished! That's in your MIND! PATHOLOGICAL LIAR MOTHER/ PEDOPHILE WIFE BEATER EX HUSBAND THATSALL IN YOUR MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDDDDD BEFORE: Torture– –Ridicule– -Trauma– Abuse NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. YOu know why? CAuse they have the same problems. We're all the same person except for Skrillex, The US Government, A couple of aliens Whatever those to things are Those guys over these Wtf. I thought everything is everything. NO, it's needs to split. What do you mean EVERYTHING IS NOTHING Oh. There's Jimmy Fallon. FUCK! Now I gotta exp no , i don't. I'm just gonna make music which , Doesn't really make me enough money But it's okay. I'm sick of working for corporations that only see dollar signs My employee number is my name My coworkers are all weird, and dumb and I work harder than everybody else But for some reason when I match the pace of my peers You have to go with the flow of traffic. NEW YORK CATTLE PEOPLE INSOMNIAC CATTLE PEOPLE YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. NOTHING ON YOUR PLATE HAS EVER SEEN SUNLIGHT. That's ok. I'm an omnivore No, it's not, Because The animal you're eating is a herbivore He or “it “ You gotta castrate them but he NOT FOOD FOOD COW Mo..00oo? .. yeah , i don't know. Well, what about you SKELOCHICKEN *FLl**dies* hm. CHINA MORE HORMONES TO POI– I MEAN NUTRITION YOUR PEOPLE? AMERICA YES, PLEASE ADD MORE DEPRESSION. CHINA Ok. AMERICA THANKS CHINA Also we're infiltrating with the humanoid robot genetically modified satellite controlled robot people. AMERICA You can do that? STOP ASIAN HATE. *cough* *robotic* *nothin* I don't hate you guys,but this is weird and kinda shocking. Wtf are they doing with the asians STOP ASIAN – Nobody hates you, we just ant to know why *HOSTILITY* ok , this is weird. CHINA Hey, we've been on this continent awhile it's getting kind of crowded. AMERICA *hating all the colors but needing diversity to keep the corporate slaves from rioting* lol . they won't riot. they're all drunk or medicated IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK …really? Yeah. Wow. ok. I feel a lot That'll be $88.50 *sighs* ….ok. *pays* …per pill. That's my whole– It's okay! It's not okay… Well, that's okay, because it's okay to not be okay *huffs* Ok IT'S OKAY! IT'S OK! INSURANCE! It's ONLY a $100 copay! What. EVERY 30 DAYS. $100 Cause we need you to not be okay Why RICH ASSHOLE So i can be extremely ok. [beat[ …. *sighs* *finds a penny* I'll take that too. *....* what ? I tried.. Alright, I gotta tie this up. TIE THIS UP!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I put all your shit in the trash. Tie me up. Okay, I like you But I lie good And i'm tired With my eyes on I got IONS on my filers I got no mail For the iron I'm so tired But man, I've learned that Sometimes, man Well, Just– Live hurts and if I swerve And i die first Cause this mind curse Is my worst hurt but , no That's untrue I got no son I got no phone. Got no baby momma, but my Fire's lighting up an oven For my bun, or muffin I'm bluffin, I'm stuffed but God, I love these cumsluts. [( Jimmy Fallon cannot participate in this project. )] Well, why not? Honestly, hon, If i'm the mom in that one Stumble upon this podcast on stumble upon or tumblr, Then i'm numb, Bummed out for certain the songs and curses, verses make more sense than anything (and i mean anything and everything Inside this simulation since HILARY! NO, DONALD TRUMP. –but the conundrum comin up under A microscope such as this: My husband's a public figure And this girl keeps saying *nigger* Like the problems in the world aren't getting bigger –so this ring around my finger, Shall protect us from this singer, God help her– I hope my son never reads this… But Jim, The Executive Decision has been made! She's insane! Crazy! Abandoned her own baby for fame; adjacently; The Fame Game was made to be played by Players and families [The Wealthy and Super Elite] Oh, you're not ugly cause you're black, just– *splits* *scratches humungous crotchel* Uh… Yeah, Ok. No. So is this like a PSA on mental illness? Idk. did i survive this? Suicide. God, why do i Did I write this? I might have Something like it But i died again I've been inside my mind, I lied again I have no one to confide to cause Okay: So every one with blue eyes has given me this sort of pain, specifically * racism * &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& * deception *manipulation *dishonestly *mistrust I'm 8, My third grade teacher is just WAITING for me to fuck up Speak out of turn One time, she gave a soda to every person on my row Everyone but me Didn't explain it, nothing. Just “This row wins!” (Except for Cree) And didn't say shit; didn't explain anything, just. –and we're all 8, so lol nobody's saying shit in here but apparently that mental scar stayed buried until today, While i'm just sitting here trying to explain why, Something i've always found so pretty I don't hate white women. All of my best friends (almost) Have been white girls Which is how I know *she doesn't know what she wants* blue eyed people are aware that their eyes are a mutation/adaptation specifically meant to aide in survival by reflecting light. I … ok, go on. So it's not like, they're evil for it White supremacy getting ahead entirely, so much so that the reigning world power has lost touch with reality so much that it's 8 billion inhabitants are literally dying inside out of anxiety because we've built a dystopian society where it makes more sense to poison yourself repeatedly than to actually be a human and evolve –Evolution is a group effort. So yeah, S Fuck it The celebrities are up here in sodom and gamora or whatever and half of the politicians are in there with them, but the truth is that while the rest of us fight over something that's technically only been programmed to exist (there's enough food in the world, guys.) –MAYBE NOT ENOUGH WATER THOUGH. SUPACREE That's why you're trying to make me CRY? They're psychic tears! BUT WHERE DO THE TEARS COMEFROM. HEAVEN. Literally. Nowhere you can see or ever reach because DEMONS AREN'T REAL. YOU'RE CRAZY. Wtfever I was raised in the united states of america where GOD is implicated on all of our currency as if it's no curse of blasphemy within itself– blasphemy which WE made up just to control people because well , apparently all the people –all the people– the big ones, the little ones, The fat one e the short ones, the girls and the boys –are still going to keep making more peopl e Somethings will never change. Boys will be boys. My ex husband may not actually be satan himself; You know, cause satan can't stay in one place SATAN ISN'T REAL Ok. Are we seriously going to sit here and pretend like nobody has ever read a history book in their life YES EVIL EXISTS. IT ALWAYS HAS. It's not in your head! You're not okay! You were brought here, Amost entirely with the purpose Of servitude (most of us) Living beneath some of those who have never known The pain of poverty the grief of homelessness The cruelty of racism REVERSE RACISM IS REAL. OH REAALLY?????!! NIGGER. CRACKER. Which one do you want to eat? Neither, honestly, I'd just- Oh my God, he's up! Like a glass of Oh My God! My God! He's Alive! TYLA I got it! JIMMY FALLON Water. Wtf is Jimmy Fallon doing in a coma. IDK cause who the fuck just beat the shit out of JImmy Falon? I'm assuming it's not his Could actually be– Babymama. hm . …Unless it was. Into a coma?! “Why Women Kill” Oh, I get it. They're trying to see if i' P m violent. At this point ________LINES ____________________- BEING _______ ___________CROSSSS ok , i fuked skrilex. I KNEW IT. I TOLD YOU. See, look this is not It's not Like, it doesn't have to be special or anything, i just– Need it. SKRILLEx/SONNY …I beg your pardon? SUPACREE Please, don't beg… SKRILLEX *face* SUPACREE I mean– SKRILLEX *squints* Unless you're into that, or something. I don't know! “I don't know” SKRILLEX So wait, you're a fan. [Apparently, or obviously, cause, I'm honestly getting this play by play, here, finishihg writing story in a stream of consciousness–] (or unconsciousness) Oh! That's MY coma! Nice! Damn. Wtf. [--like in real time–or, like, was, before I got distracted thinking about Shit, I got so much stuff I gotta do. [INSERT CELEBRITY APPEARANCE HERE] Well, perhaps this is one of them. Holy shit, I'm acid. What. How did that happen so fast it's only been like What? Well, how long's it been? I don't know, now well, where'd she go. It's Over. What? It's gone. Just let me go ok . Just let me go. ok . Just let me go. What if I just JUMP UP NO. Don't do that. The kit is stronger than you, Jimmathin. “Jimmathin”!” What, you wanted KING JAMES Fine, I'll write it. What. What is this. This is just like Woah [Art] Wow. Yeah. There's a lot. A R T JIMMY FALLON is a Are we going this? How else am i supposed to explain “ I L L U M I N A T I Look I'm you. ok . You're me. alright. [Young Gods] Wrking title Didn't they aready do this– Or something like this? Yes, but I wrote it first. TV Come and Get it! RAP WORLD UNH YOu'RE A LOSER UNH IMA NIGGA SO WHAT UHHHH Shut up, drake UNNNNHHH I'm gonna call you up UN That's enough OOOOHHHBIIIIRRRRRRRRRR That's it. You're done. WASTED. YOU DON'T WANNA BLACK BOY I GOT LOTS OF BLAC GIRLS WHITE GIRLS MOLLY, ROCK WHITE GIRL, WHITE GIRLS CHINESE EYES I LIKE HER THIGHS Sunni, shut up In UNISON Sep: I MADE IT! EARLIER: SEP, FROM UNISON Gimmie a dollar. ….okay, but I only have one dollar. Jimmy Fallon ILLUMINATI Please explain this. JAMES FALLON is a simple man. IS HIS NAME JAMES?! I don't know, but who names their kid JIMI Oh, no, that's like, Like you know, JImi Hendrix aww , i loved that baby… I love babies. I love her. aw . this is WRAP IT UP This is a lot of stories, okay, but mainly how somehow I got T R A U M A (D) Whait, where's Dillon Francis?! Who the fuck cares. Wake up. For waht. I gotta get waisted. You mean *wasted* Shut up. Wait so like, DIllon and CC are like Together? DJ* Oyeah. DJ. DJ the DJ [DJ the DJ] [BJ the DJ] ok , that was also, like, first season YOu're right, Justin, this is getting Meta. I'm not Hustin, I'm Rick. What. I'm Rick. No, no you're RICK SANCHEZ IT'S ME. i'M BACK. i”M THE REAL RICK SANCHEZ. well la-teee– UNITY You forgot about me, didnt you? UNITY!? That's why everyone is assimilated. Damn, you're really good a dissociating? Would you rather I not be? CUT BACK TO: Homeless shelter: The Reject Pile, The literally runoff of the World. Right. The broken, forgotten women that. Woah, her whole face was FUCKED UP. She went back to him NOOOOO (but like, that was me) Whatever. If you don't have kids, run! Fuck it, if you have kids, run just run at night and do it Quickly Just get out. Quietly Shhh. Wait, isn't it just as bad the other way around? What? Huh *still fucked up* You're high right now? No, i”m not high I mean I Am I mean, I wanna get FUCKED UP. What are you saying? What i'm saying is; I would get high on anything else but life right now why Cause i wanna die so die i can't why otta solve this what . Why i can't die. You WHAT?! I CAN'T DIE! US GOVT It's true! We tried like three times already. This can never lead back to us Did they give you a script!? Brings up random story from childhood even i forgot about. So you want me to drink water out of this *basically a toilet* Actually, the toilet might have been cleaner if she wasn't such a WHORE. What. She was a whore. I kind of figured. Why? By the way the toilet smelled when she used it *sniffs* ok. This is everybody. This is a lot of everybody. This is everybody, But then everybody left, Then more people came And everybody came back. This is everybody. This is too many *blacks* WHAT?! Look, like i said, it's not racism that diversity is getting more important than just hiring 7 white people and 1 or two of the rest of us for coloration and entertainment Cause even god knows Sadistic white supremacists love watching Everybody else kill each other over Things they already have. WHITE SUPRMACISTS Oh shit, it's the guys from Equinox. (it is, in fact, those guys) Wait. did i never finish my story about so what was the whole thing about BODY SHAMING IS WRONG. Bruh whatever the whole earth is a body and what “our”*coughs* species has done to it is pretty much the most shameful thing literally ever because we're mostly all racists kind of in one way or another or have judgements and intolerances – but *coughs* What? Why are we treating Anxiety as a mental illsness? Cause it's in your head? SYNETHESIA No, this shit it *Skrill Fuck it P H Y s I cAAlLLLLLLLLLL Whats wrong with him I don't kno w please eat, would you. lol . no. How long is this fast [LOUD MOTORCYCLE/SATAN] *stomach blowing bubbles of acid before its even audible in my ears* ow . *coughs* ok , ow. *coughing* Ok, ow. What if, that gross, Scary, evil coughing thing that's following me is just JIMMY FALLON. STOP FOLLOWING ME. YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE. PLEASE, OH GOD, OH MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN. What? God's not in heaven right now!!! SHE'S NOT?! WELL, WHERE IS SHE? GONE. GONE WHERE , GOD CAN'T be GONE. GOD IS GOD. MARK LUKE JOhN PETER ….ok, this is getting strange. KING JAMES Finally, Jesus. Well, when does Jesus get here, then. Later. LATER: Can I go now? No What did you say was the Do you even read what you post sometimes? No, I mostly just write it then forget it exists What, really? Yes. So by the time you're reading this. It may have been years. Oh shit, this show's still on. Yeah. That's fucking nuts. Yeah. This shit gets craaaaazzy. my fans Yo dude, I had one roommate that might have been whatever, you had to have heard my podcast if you know anything about [PASSWORD] You want me to kill myself? *indifference* WHAT DO YOU WANT … ….. …… Why? Why WHAT? Why are YOU not fuckked up on that couch somewhere, or like, dead?! Technically, I am! What? This is a homeless shelter! Yes, obviously, however: Go on. Everyone here is sad. Correct. Everyone here is broken. Yes. Everyone here has been hurt– probably Beaten– Yes, Some of us Reviled. YO. Thisfuckedup. I gotta get out of here. Damn, so like, you pay child support and everything– But you don't even get to see your kid? And when you do it's on his terms, Because of nepotism And the assumption that as the bi-racial half of a bi-racial relationship, It must have been you that fucked up So much so That you deserve that And no matter what you do is wrong How was I wrong?! Your pussy stinks. That's it? Yep. You have mental problems. But my pussy clean. *shrugs* Anyway. Maybe I should be meditating I am META - TATING. Duh. INDIGEIDIOTS AHAHAHA . GOOD ONE. SHAQ AHAH Not right ow dude. SHAQ Why not me?! Because, dude, we have like one scene together, and i'm terrified of you. SHAQ I am picking you up now. no , no, shaquille o'neal yes , actually– wait , what's your name again S U P A C R E E n..o… YES. THERE SHE IS WHERE IS SKRILEX SHAQ UP. Why does he sound so dumb? Cause he's BIG. So that means he' dumb? NO, but I also can't afford another celebrity appearance unless, Pasqualle PASQUALE ON THE BEACH Why is it– BECAUSE [PASQUALE ROTELLA is on the beach.] PASQUALE No. AWW, COME ON. PASQUALLE NO, SUPA U Who is that? ! PASQUALE SHUT UP. Woah, okay, ouch. PASQUALE You just said ***** 147 times. NO. but NO. U. What BE U. (lmfao why does he have that like mirror thing white people in the When is this Forever Lmfao you're trying to fry yourself a sunburn tan with a giant mirror. BLUE EYED MOTHERFUCKER No, i'm *** staring in mirror intently*** Wow, your eyes are really pretty MEANWHILE [DILLON FRANCIS is about to DIE.] oh, you again. ohFUCK. [But his eys are really pretty] *glamour* Damn. Wow. She has a baby! wait , WHAT. CUT TO: Wait, Dillon Francis is having a baby?! YES. WHEN?! [NOW) WHENEVER. DAMN. [BEAT] WIBEATER You rang? NO. Hahahahaha42055555555555fucku. Whatthefuckishappeningritenow. I GOTTA GO. JUST BEAT IT, MICHAEL JACKSON. The silhouette of SUPACREE bedazzles as she dances C'ESME'T KATEY SAGAL Are we back to me yet? In a minute. Broh you have all these rich people mad deep in their feelings. I guess. (I am their feelings) It would be great if they were mad deep in their pockets for [The Festival Project™] Why. Excuse me. Why would anybody do that, When for the last [However] 15 Minutes RANDOM NON COINCIDENCE Your 15 minutes is up. That's impossible, because I'm living in a homeless shelter. Which is where you deserve to be. Huh. For being born. Excuse me? Everything you've ever done. *breath, walk talk* Is wrong (I Am.) HOLD ON JIMMY, DON'T LET GO I might let go. DON'T. Lol This kite just might be stronger than you, Jimmy Fallon. I hate this guy. What is he?! Japanese! (Ive often wondered, not worth knowing, though, cause what's about to happen is) T H E W I N D IIIIIII Please don't cry SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS plase dont Nono Nnnnnnssssssnsnsnsnsnsnfnffn V.O. Poor Little Jimmy Fallon… W I N DS FFFFFFFUUUUUUUDNDNDFFFFFFFF I AM DEFINITELY STRONGER THAN THIS KITE. No. no, you are not Wouldn't it be it's “the wind” “the wind is stronger than me” No, Jimmy Fallon James Shut up– It's the KITE DIRECTOR That's the line! Got it? And if you break fourth wall, When we're live, or just– ever again, WHAT. could be jimmy fal0n sure. Namesake police talkin bout: If we can put ot AI Michael Jackson, God rest his soul, which reminds me, After this scene, put the one with [The Soul Kitchen] I'M A MAN! T H E W I N D AAAAAAAAAAA– *sniffles* oh , maybe not. hm. JIMMY FALLON *sigh of– T H E W I N D SSFFFLLAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KITE: BLOOP. x_x DEATH. NO SHAQ! Put me down! SHAQ You can DOWN when the BASS is ALSO THERE. SUPACREE No, you don't mean– SHAQ We WILL drop the bass. SUPACREE Put me down! I'm a grown ass woman! SHAQ *purses* SUPACREE I am NOT a tiny person. SHAQ I know: I'm married to one. SUPACREE I know, i know. the entire world cringes about it, however, congratulations on your happy SHAQ DUBSTEP. SUPACREE NO, NO DUBSTEP SHAQ DUBSTEP.b SUPACREE OH, GOD, NO, PLEASE SHAQ Maybe a little rap SUPACREE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Andy Sandbourg. Uh, ok, wait, whose THE LONELY ISLAND WHEN WILL THE BASS DROP?! (When will the bass drop?) –When will the bass drop OH. That's why that island is lonely. YES. DO. NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES Ok DROP THIS BASS. Ok. I”ll be right back. Ok. [beat] [another beat] [some tension] [space] [more tension] [The lights cut CUT TO: JANET JACKSON bursts through the panoramic window. … You are not Dillon Francis FIGHT Wait, fight w– JANE JACKSON Alright you! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? lol ‘Jane Jackson?' You know, just in case she didn't want to commit, but you know Janet Jackson was one of the first ones to approach me to show interest about this project. IT'S ALL FACETIOUS LIES. (t's not tho, i'm bein 100% honest and truthful bout everything, so .) LIE what . LEARN HOW TO LIE. Excuse me? or , hey, listen: You can tell the truth, but at least be funny. This is funny. *homelessness* *niggers* STOP SAYING THAT. Isn't it weird how the word almost only offends white people now cause Cause we're all capitalists. Capitalists. People that believe in money. Oh. AS GOD. oh . YOu have none. oh . YOU are the devil ugh GROSS. You'RE BROKE. What. GET OUT. What We don't need you here. We need people to hit the workforce, buy things, and never complain unless it end in ME MAKING MONEY Ok, fine, so like I just was saying. JANET JACKSON WHERE'S MY BROTHER?! WHEVER HE IS! I DON'T KNOW! [I'm getting really tired so i'm not going to describe in full brutal detail how Janet Jackson is whooping– Who is this Is whooping this other character's ass right now. Wait, Whoopi. Fuck. You saw it. Yeah, You're Whoopi Goldberg! WhattheFUCK. But you're als Janet Jackson! I Am. WHY?! Look, I didn't know you were a channel, alright EARLIER: CUT SCENES FROM A VERY BRUTAL BATTLE SAY UNCLE NNNNOOO____YuuuurrrrJANETJACKSON SAY UNCLE Control, Janet Jackson Seriously?! You picked that song for this montage?! it's! SAYUNCLE UNCLESAMWANTS–U–TO WIN THIS FUCKING BATTLE—YAGH– JANET JACKSON SAY UNCLE JUNGLE OH SHIT. Hold up. Okay, real quick. Remember those people in the jungle that don't know their in a jungle DANE COOK WHATEVER, I'M NOT DONG THIS PROJECT. IT'S TOO LATE, YOU'RE IN. DANE COOK OK. But i'm gonna make you forget about it For like a really long time Ok Until you forget who I am at all. Alright. Many, many lifetimes. Go on. Until I find you again. And you WILL. And i WILL. AND WHEN I DO I AM NOT DOING THIS PROJECT I am SO not-famous I have almost been FORGOTTEN. Forgotten at FORGOTTEN AT ALL! And I will not AND YOU WILL NOT KNOW ME. ok . …ok. So. So…. kite. kite.___________________________________________________FL|| IIII IIIII YYYYY AAA ||||||| UNCLE– UNCLE–UNCLE JANET JACKSON NOW SING ABC by THE JACKSON 5! WHAT?! SING IT. UNCLE. UNCLE!!! I WANNA HEAR A SONG. Damn, Janet Jackson still got it. WHOOPI GOLDBERG What gave me away? Your left hook. Still got it. I know. Even in the wrong body, now look. If I'm not Michael Jackson Could never be Neither could you O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 lol she's not gonna do this movie. She might. she's friendly. besides. ABC… KEEP GOING, BUT BETTER EEEEASY AS 1-23…UNCLE! THERE'S NO UNCLE IN ABC! Do you think we're at a feature yet? Notquite Why, how oong's a feature?! Till it isn't. Right., so Look, obese americans I know its hard to face the facts– Or anything at all, because, you know “I'm going to start eating right– ….later” and nobody's judging you at all, actually because. That was me. (Is still me) When i'm eating food , which was my Adderall. What. You needed adderall. Youe entire life and never got it. Yeah I know. Because you're black. Maybe that's not why. What do you mean. Maybe that's not why. Maybe when Look, my mom wasn't going to take me to a doctor for focus issues, I would cry and cry when my dad would leave. It's probably for the best that I stay away, I'm a psycho now. I might killl you. I would like that because I just can't seem to. CAPITALIZE. CAPITALIZE OFF THIS PROJECT! HOW? SELL YOUR ASS. WHAT? No that's (Only Fans) What. Look, you can't just BE a DJ: You can, but you're gonna need like, 3 other jobs, and some hustles and shit, cause everybody else. How come. Because, dumbass , you're not Skrillex; Or whoever he sits with. [TINA FEY Is a whatever. ] What does this mean I don't know. By the way, nothing's making me “do this” It's called “automatic writing”, it's some kind of extraterrestrial psychic shit, I don't know. My pain unlocked all my colors, and well. KITE. ____________________________________________________________________KE$HA Now I'm God. Wait, How long's a feature? OOOOOOIOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH 30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, MANHATTAN, NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK. So dumb the state has the same name as the city I kno So dumb Bro could you imagine being like a comedian or like an actor during the like “The Good Old Days” I swear I'm about to stop Don't stop. SAY, IS THAT A wait , i think i feel a song coming on Oh yeah, i hear it… Something like Fuck How to tell an obstacle From a crossword, Or draw slung crosses on awkward Wax polished silver scratched ponds On the surface or Then it all starts picking up When i turn on my pic or sing, I turn to write and this Motorcycle wants to eat me from the inside out Cause the man who rides it Got nothing on to watch on his instagram stories No only fans models Just hot soft porn And he's so far from a microphone –but far at all Cause i started to talk, then The car alarms going off all i got a words, really The music is gone A couple albums coming, The old stuff I made on my long journey being homeless with no son Long sauna jaunts (and I mean) Sometimes from Sunday to Monday And monday would have come and then gone, Before I could come home Cause there wasn't one Only a sauna, at my job Well, one of them The other's across town and, I might just make it in time (i won't though) I spent my first check on a bike (my mom lives across town, but she don't even know i'm Homeless; Nevermind, She knows this, She's just Preoccupied with THE BLACKEST THING i'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. That's a person, not a thing. No, you made yourself a thing THEY. made you a thing. To THEM. but when they walk away– I'm a man. –The world's yours. You are not my kid. I get that. It's the prettiest day New York City has Ever seen Oh shit, this is fucking IT. This is theMOVIE. DILLON FRANCIS GOOD. CAUSE I'VE. HAD IT. ST. JIMMY Oh, shit. I better run. Wait, Greenday is in this?! Everybody's in this IAMBIC!!!! (it's a rock opera) Yeah God. Speaking of THE ROCK DWAYNE JOHNSON YOOOOOOOOO. Wtf. Whatthefuck. WHY YES, I AM A WHAT THE FCK. CUT TO BLACK: [The Festival Project ™] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT, INC. circa 2018- 2024 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. “” AFTER DA CREDITZ LOL WHAT CREDITS, I'm streaming this EDITORS OH YOU WILL SEE THESE CREDITS. these are insanely creative credits. TINA FEY (But way less cute) What color is that, What is what Your hair now Is it like MELISSA MCCARTHY clover…. “It's Honeydew Blondi What “Honeydew Blondike” *blonde-like, but Holly. Which one?! Honeydew Blondish. Well it's weird. You're fucking weird. Wait have you ever actually met Tina Fey *unruly, wild shit* Oh yeah, that bitch is crazy. LIZ!!! GET BACK HERE. Uh. HOLLY ROBINSON PETE No, officer Hanson Detective You were demoted. I wasn't demoted. You know what. I was SHOT, CAPTAIN HOFFS is being haunted by her best friend's from back in the day; they are ghosts. She is the last surviving CAST MEMBER Look, what character am I supposed to be. lol WHATEVER YOU WANT what would you call this? Your “sexy” passenger? No, Dexter… Or, is it MICHAEL C. HALL I don't know. I think that's for you to decide No, dude, the whole point of the festival project is sometimes— It doesn't … Zzz Wait, what happened. skrillex left the chat. Hm. I wonder where he went. THE B- SIDE FINALLy, the BEYONCÉ PART HAVENT YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? THE WHOLE THING IS “THE BEYONCÉ PART” Because GOD BEEEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Beyonce, being Skrillex* [expletive] Ohhhhhhhh, that's how she got the accent over theeeeeeeeeeeeee —————eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeé matter. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT, INC. circa 2018- 2024 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_aLRVCa76U The Wackness The Blackness You can't escape it. The likes of the United States of America masterminded the false flag “terror attack” on its own citizens in 2001 in order to deceive it's citizens into a police state to suit the New World Order; Now, New York City preys upon its weakest and most vulnerable inhabitants via inhumane psychological terrorism, gangstalking, terror hacking, and other forms of psycholotical terrorism in order to maintain the inequivocal social and justice issues plaguing the united states of Asmerica; the globalization of a one-world government, and the continuation of the human slavetrae system from which the United states of america has built itself and has been thriving on, priding itself on being the strongest country in the world: However, it shall soon see its own de mise, with the importation of hundreds of thousands of non-natural citizens in an attempt to close the plummeting world economy, thereby once again prioritizing thousands of lives over the lives of the Indigenous and involuntarily Imported descendants of the AFRICAN BLACK american slaves YOU'RE BLAAAAA—- I get it. Shut up. BLACK. Please be quiet. BLAC shh . B please shut up. I'm allowed to have an extreme distaste for impoliteness Disgusting habits Lack of hygiene Honestly, I don't care what color you are Stop disturbing the peace NO JUSTICE NO– SHUT UP. Listen, I don't want to go through this again. I'm not going to kill myself Not today satan. I have too much to– Oh, really, I have nothing better to do than Make money? MAKE MONEY. Broke ass bitch. You realize, blacks mexicans Immagrants poor whites ugly /fat people that you're all still slaves. that the people telling you that “it's okay to not be ok” Are the exact people making everything not ok for profit. Oh, but also if your family owned slaves and property from slavery you should have to give a certain amount of your income to re-allocate some of the resources you– well , lets just face it STOLE YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WASH YOUR FUCKING PUSSY. (and also just *coughing* *toxcity* *grossness* getaway from me.. *coughing* gross . *talking on the phone at 5 am* Mmmmmmmmmhmm SHUT Yo. Where are the indigenous people? Dead. or somewhere out there claiming to be 1/32.1/2th Cherokee and pretending not to listen to taylor swift. I MADE IT. I actually hate you. I knew it was a set up from the moment i walked in the door. There she sat, hunched over in the corner, almost hiding as if to try to surprise me. But I had already been psychologically tortured with the permanant record of my own past with enough audacity that I understood that I was being provoked and manipulated; And I was tired of it. They all coughed. They all wanted to have “random” “friendly conversations about my Pedophile Wifebeater ExHusband. God Help Him (No, Seriously, help him) Because— he tore my son away from me and e verybody in Very racist, very right wing, very color-coded, colonized Rural Alaska Assured that i (being a black woman) was the problem. –and you know what? Perhaps I was. WHAT HAPPENED TO FELEYSHA WILLIAMS. Idk. she's probably dead or tweaked out somewhere. I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. Ok. But you're ging to have to torture me consistently for at least a few weeks until we fight. He deserves custody. You're crazy. Cool. i don't want to spend the rest of my life arguing with someone who looks like someone who ruined my life trying to explain why it's salad until after puberty just to make sure his beauty doesn't ruin his life. Because all he eats is processed foods and plays video games and watches anime anyway so, Really it's a perfect world, for him. He's a perfect boy. I was told he didn't love me Didn't want me Didn't ask about me And didn't need me. So i left. Well, no– I tried to kill myself first (or did) Whatever Then I left. No, actually i tried to stay and split custody down the middle so nobody would have to pay child support. It wouldn't be fair to either of us, right, but: So here I am trying to explain how Yo, look. I left my shit in a locked parked car in a parking lot To push out a 5 minute shit And when I got back Everything was gone. hm. oh , you know what? No, the car was still there. The car was still there. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I was real lucky for that, cause I lived in it. hm . Lucky for me. AH, shit. It was a rental, though, so I still owe someone a lot of money Interesting For getting ROBBED. So, here's the thing This: BEING A DISGUSTING, OBNOXIOUS, LOUD, COUGHING, DRINKING, SMOKING, PIECE OF Oh, that's what it is. It's my ex's energy. That. Doing the LEAST. Doesn't even know what clean IS so fucking fat he'll never see his penis EVER again and anybody else who does honestly it's cool, I just feel bad for her, honestly, like ? *gross pedophile wifebeater* You can't just go around calling people pedophiles! You can when everything they're obsessively sexually attracted to what looks like a kid or sometimes IS a kid without him realizing that Or is when they're openly watching porn and masturbating With a toddler. Yes. that actually happened. No, it didn't. I saw you. Well ,nobody will ever believe me, I guess because– Because the first time he hit me, I covered for him But only I begged him to stay with US THREE OF US a two year old, a one month old And me the wife that was so paralized from depression After learning that her husband The only man she ever truly “loved” had cheated The. entire . time So not only did I waste my time– My body is ruined, and I'MJUSTGOINGTOKILLMYSELF. –not the thing you want to hear as you're trying to stop the blood from pouring out of your face. My whatever . fuck this story. What why? Cause it SUCKS. PLUS I'm apparently “Very very bright” Hm And we're at the midsts of an Environmental Crisis *Multiple **Environmental*Crises Just at the tip Of another manipulated global disaster Which has left most the population Lazy and docile enough to not care About anything Anymore I care about my son. I don't care about your stuff; And I didn't take anything from you You gross, dirty, coughing ass, stinking pussy ass Grotesque Fuck it. I just don't care I have all my own shit. Honestly, I was just sick of beng reminded of this dumb sack of shit. It wasn't real. They were all actors gangstalkers undercovers CIA agents Welfare Office Workers What? Hey, look, just so you're aware Being in the system actually technically on paper strips you of some of your basic human rights and decencies. You are State Property. Bought and Sold for the benefit of The Highest bidder, Who, Never you mind, Is of the highest power In this predicament H O W E V E R I had finally been given an out; An apartment, far away from the Check it out, I was being studied, provoked, recorded, questioned about a past I was only trying to forget and gulted over and over as if i had abandoned my child on purpose No, son. Daddy just has issues And mommy has issues And I'm really really sorry about this But you're the most beautiful, Wonderful, Amazing Person I've ever met in my life, Bear(r) And I'm proud to be your FATHER. huh . what. I'm a girl. No. You're not; He's the girl. Bitch ass babymomma . Fuck it, just go be with ___ then. Oh, amazing I love this one. I never cheated I just retreated So I could repeat this: “he cheated! He cheated” “he beat me, he beat me” “I hate him, I hate him” My best friend was Annie My Lover was Davies –doesn't matter these days, though same place Salt Lake Saltair It's been years. You know how, When you're a kid, And you [Get scraped] Oh shit, I missed a – A lot. hm . You ever have another kid pick your scab off for you– Wayyyyy before it was ready? YOu ever like– You get it?? Yo, i get this is like government, public housing or whatever IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN Why does she have to be “ignorant” can't she just be NO Because she was Extremely ignorant, this particular one, and so are most of the other ignorant black people who work in social services because white people a . wouldn't do it. b . aren't equipped Because the kind of black people you meet in a new york city homeless shelter are —no , i'm not actually THAT racist— just the lowest quality people [LCD] Lowest Common Denomonator She stole my ID. Fucku. So i'm a low quality people. Yep. You suck. Ok. I'm gonna go suck at Equinox for six hours. Go, then. Don't follow me. But We're watching you. Someone's always watching me. I'm famous, But not rich And every time i make any money my ex husband gets to buy drugs and ciggarettes with it. CHILD SUPPORT Before: Literally doesn't answer phone for months. Me: Thinking my child is dead because i can't get ahold of him, it's always winter in alaska and the roads are made of ice. Panic, fear, paralyzing depression And when I finally DO get in touch; It's because: ACTUAL BEST FRIEND I haen't heard from ***** at all but a little while ago some girl called me and was yelling at me accusing of cheating with him. ME AHAHAH ACTUAL BEST FRIEND AHAHAHA US LOL SKRILLE wait , this is a different story NO, it really fucking ISN'T. SO All my wages are garnshed to pay child support I can't even TALK to my kid and Oh yeah. I was only ever homeless in the first place because This is where it happened: BITCH *throws fake house plant* *RAGE* RURNJRNH *PUNCH to the FACE 1 This cannot be happening *PUNCH TO THE FACE 2* Wow, that really sounds like in the mov– *PUNCH TO THE FACE 3* HE'S NOT STOPPING, I GOTTA *literally can't go anywhere, also being strangled* so somewhere between punches 3 and 5 *FIVE PUNCHES TO THE FACE* And I mean, he was winding his arm back and everything Oh, it was weird how like my third roommate gave me almost the exact same injuries fighting over the thermostat. I'm cold. I'm hot Well, yeah, you're from Peru and I'm from LA Alaska, so I ean technically really neither of us are built for this but hey– America needs corporate slaves so, Welcome. Yo soy triste. Ay! Dios Mios. Ahora YO soy triste! *crying* Dios Mio Anyway, they know you're like some kind of like– Wizard, or like– Wizardry's alright– —Like a fairy– I'm way, way bigger than any “fairies” i've seen (and more powerful) Some kind of like a KEISHA THE ROADCOP Why's she a road cop? Idk. My brain backwards remembers her from that random McDonalds, though, when. WAY, WAY BEFORE THAT: (kinda) This hasn't happened in a really long time Staying up all night in ableton, Then only for the day to come To write and think about how I've been fasting again, but not on purpose I've just been so stressed Because all the bodies in my simulation are inhuman , coughing Keigha seemed human Kinda I loved her. I love her. I actually liked that one. By that time it was obvious that it was all an inside job; Each “roomate” i had been paired with had been given a specific list of buttons to push, Things to talk about Topics to discuss But mostly– Buttons to push. Look, if I commit suicide and anyone cares at all, there are thousands of recordings and writings Which indicate “she struggled greatly with mental illness' Or how about I suffer greatly from My 3rd grade teacher was a classic closet racist. I'm eight. She's a huge, unmarried mormon white lady And that's super unommon (Even for the fat ones) Fat people can have normal lives!! Not really. That's a lie. BODY POSITIVITY no , you should be ashamed. why . Because ive literally been tormented my ooh , also this I've been tortured, taunted, and humiliated my entire life, Made to feel lesser than, And shamed repeatedly for not only my weight, But my skin color– and that's a whole other thing. NO. Having a disability and being black are not the same thing. NO. It's not the same thing to “skinny shame” someone as it is to ===== Look, you're looking for equality, right? NO. Why? Because ME is not equal to HER. Why not. I surfer more– –I work harder. Oh, look, by the way, I've finally figured it out that YOU LIVE IN THE JUNGLE WHAT'S A JUNGLE?!?!?! YOU'RE FAT. WHAT'S WHAT MEAN?! IT'S BAAAAD. But here, eat this: What is it: It's hamburger helper What's this gonna help? Nothin. THIRD GRADE TEACH She's a very bright girl, she jut has trouble focusing. BULLY *passing note* “Losser” SHE SPELLED ‘LOSER' WRONG. HOW AM I THE LOSER? SHE'S NOT EVEN SMART. *white passing, bilingual 8 year old* [Some spanish shit, honestly i don't know what she said because it blew my mind that she did not look, and yet was MEXICAN. FIrst season: Well, since even when I work full time and have two jobs I still can't afford an apartment, even if I DIDN'T have an eviction on my record, oh . Well, yeah; I got fired from my job I couldn't function. Like, at all I could still breastfeed, kind of *ouch* But that's it. I just couldn't… BENTLEY is a yorkshire terrier *teacup BENTLEY *is a Teacup Yorkshire Terrier What about this other thing? Which other thing? Oh, I mean, I'm not racist; I don't care what color you are Or where you come from But act decently -NOBODY wants to hear your phone conversations NOBODY wants to wake up to the sund of your voice every day (especially after the things you've said and done to them) And NOBODY Wants to pick up your trash. In fact, If that were my job, I'd have killed myself already bcause Well. This Fucking Sucks. I quit. YOU'RE THE DEVIL. YOU LEFT YOUR FAMILY TO TRY TO BE A ROCKSTAR. Actually, my family abandoned me and left me homeless when I started Eating an all-organic (at first, raw foods) whole foods diet. wtf. This is salad, no dressing. Yep. For like– Seriously my diet has been the most depressing thing about me ever since i've been maintaining my body. See. You can quit heroin. You don't NEED it to survive, Unless you're Scribbly Pibbles Aka You know what? It's not funny anymore Nevermind. When your friends go out for ice cream Ha Or Pizza Lol Lets Get McDonalds. OK, I guess i'll just starve, then. I guess we could insert the scene with Raven Symone here then? Which one? Idk. WHere is it. Idk. IT's buries. *buried [buries] Mm. Yummah. WE'll find it. I don't think we're gonna find it Maybe Sonny has it. Damn, fuck that Or maybe Dillon? [Dillon Francis is a very white man] No, but– I don't think it's safe to put any Disney or NBC shit in here cause it's like, you know YOu know what? [Censored] Hey, yeah I don't give a fuck about your shit Like at all But since you want a war And i've been brushing up on all my Office politics and strategies Then I guess since *ONE ATTACK ON MY SOUL* stop provoking me, satan Do you think he actually controls demons, or it's just the government is controlled by the white supremacists And you're being set up to fail A little of both, It's like a roller coaster Minus the plummet Explosions Co– Look, I actually can't write right now, I snapped. What do you mean I just snapped. I can't sleep I also just quit smoking weed. again Well, why'd you start Literally everyone around me for the last Who fucking knows how long but– Every single body around me starts *coughing* So maybe i must be the toxin This whole world just smells like poison Why are you trying to sterilize me. JOIN THE MILIT NO. No guns. What. PEACE. Beg your pardon. NO, NOW i'M BEGGING, ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE LEFT ALONE It's me again Get away from me you creepy ass nigga hey , it's me again stop being around. Out of sight, out of mind. You know, I was almost, almost dead Right So after being tortured by the US government about being SUPACREE Bruh, I'm telling you to quit provoking me. You're everything that's wrong with the world. Apparently, yeah so i tried to change that And by the time i do I'm obsolete TYLA, EVERYBODY! The me that everyone loved. The me that was perfect The me with Whatever she had to make her look like that (Water, btw. ) No, we don't have water. You'll have to drink it out of the sink. What. *dirty, disgusting homeless shelter bathroom sink* yeah , drink that. IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN AND DON'T FORGET I'M BETTER THAN YOU CAUSE I'M NOT HOMELESS (Anymore) Because the homeless system in itself is like a big , bleeding, gaping wound of systemic racism Within itself WHY ARE WE GIVING NON-CITIZENS SO MUCH MONEY?! It goes back into OUR econ NO, iT DON'T. Half of it goes to INT. THE NIKE STORE. DAY. What up DJ!? I fucking quit. Trying to get a job as a DJ: WHERE'S YOUR FOLLOWING. They're not gonna follow me, Because I wear clothes in my photos And don't sell ass YOU DON'T SELL ASS no I'd consider it. Why? Cause little white girls make more than black girls in porn because we're so UGLY Ok, look, just because i called you “ugly” Only the fat ugly ones like me when i'm fat. Ugly doesn't negate lack of beauty Or skin tone, To me It's a vibe. Woah. Cool colors. Woah. What happened to Skrillex? He died, i think, er like Evolved, or something Another Grammy *instantly disappears into a dimension so high I could never even think to* It's lonely at the top. I'm not lonely, i'm sick of being punished for being born. You're not being punished! That's in your MIND! PATHOLOGICAL LIAR MOTHER/ PEDOPHILE WIFE BEATER EX HUSBAND THATSALL IN YOUR MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDDDDD BEFORE: Torture– –Ridicule– -Trauma– Abuse NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. YOu know why? CAuse they have the same problems. We're all the same person except for Skrillex, The US Government, A couple of aliens Whatever those to things are Those guys over these Wtf. I thought everything is everything. NO, it's needs to split. What do you mean EVERYTHING IS NOTHING Oh. There's Jimmy Fallon. FUCK! Now I gotta exp no , i don't. I'm just gonna make music which , Doesn't really make me enough money But it's okay. I'm sick of working for corporations that only see dollar signs My employee number is my name My coworkers are all weird, and dumb and I work harder than everybody else But for some reason when I match the pace of my peers You have to go with the flow of traffic. NEW YORK CATTLE PEOPLE INSOMNIAC CATTLE PEOPLE YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. NOTHING ON YOUR PLATE HAS EVER SEEN SUNLIGHT. That's ok. I'm an omnivore No, it's not, Because The animal you're eating is a herbivore He or “it “ You gotta castrate them but he NOT FOOD FOOD COW Mo..00oo? .. yeah , i don't know. Well, what about you SKELOCHICKEN *FLl**dies* hm. CHINA MORE HORMONES TO POI– I MEAN NUTRITION YOUR PEOPLE? AMERICA YES, PLEASE ADD MORE DEPRESSION. CHINA Ok. AMERICA THANKS CHINA Also we're infiltrating with the humanoid robot genetically modified satellite controlled robot people. AMERICA You can do that? STOP ASIAN HATE. *cough* *robotic* *nothin* I don't hate you guys,but this is weird and kinda shocking. Wtf are they doing with the asians STOP ASIAN – Nobody hates you, we just ant to know why *HOSTILITY* ok , this is weird. CHINA Hey, we've been on this continent awhile it's getting kind of crowded. AMERICA *hating all the colors but needing diversity to keep the corporate slaves from rioting* lol . they won't riot. they're all drunk or medicated IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK …really? Yeah. Wow. ok. I feel a lot That'll be $88.50 *sighs* ….ok. *pays* …per pill. That's my whole– It's okay! It's not okay… Well, that's okay, because it's okay to not be okay *huffs* Ok IT'S OKAY! IT'S OK! INSURANCE! It's ONLY a $100 copay! What. EVERY 30 DAYS. $100 Cause we need you to not be okay Why RICH ASSHOLE So i can be extremely ok. [beat[ …. *sighs* *finds a penny* I'll take that too. *....* what ? I tried.. Alright, I gotta tie this up. TIE THIS UP!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I put all your shit in the trash. Tie me up. Okay, I like you But I lie good And i'm tired With my eyes on I got IONS on my filers I got no mail For the iron I'm so tired But man, I've learned that Sometimes, man Well, Just– Live hurts and if I swerve And i die first Cause this mind curse Is my worst hurt but , no That's untrue I got no son I got no phone. Got no baby momma, but my Fire's lighting up an oven For my bun, or muffin I'm bluffin, I'm stuffed but God, I love these cumsluts. [( Jimmy Fallon cannot participate in this project. )] Well, why not? Honestly, hon, If i'm the mom in that one Stumble upon this podcast on stumble upon or tumblr, Then i'm numb, Bummed out for certain the songs and curses, verses make more sense than anything (and i mean anything and everything Inside this simulation since HILARY! NO, DONALD TRUMP. –but the conundrum comin up under A microscope such as this: My husband's a public figure And this girl keeps saying *nigger* Like the problems in the world aren't getting bigger –so this ring around my finger, Shall protect us from this singer, God help her– I hope my son never reads this… But Jim, The Executive Decision has been made! She's insane! Crazy! Abandoned her own baby for fame; adjacently; The Fame Game was made to be played by Players and families [The Wealthy and Super Elite] Oh, you're not ugly cause you're black, just– *splits* *scratches humungous crotchel* Uh… Yeah, Ok. No. So is this like a PSA on mental illness? Idk. did i survive this? Suicide. God, why do i Did I write this? I might have Something like it But i died again I've been inside my mind, I lied again I have no one to confide to cause Okay: So every one with blue eyes has given me this sort of pain, specifically * racism * &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& * deception *manipulation *dishonestly *mistrust I'm 8, My third grade teacher is just WAITING for me to fuck up Speak out of turn One time, she gave a soda to every person on my row Everyone but me Didn't explain it, nothing. Just “This row wins!” (Except for Cree) And didn't say shit; didn't explain anything, just. –and we're all 8, so lol nobody's saying shit in here but apparently that mental scar stayed buried until today, While i'm just sitting here trying to explain why, Something i've always found so pretty I don't hate white women. All of my best friends (almost) Have been white girls Which is how I know *she doesn't know what she wants* blue eyed people are aware that their eyes are a mutation/adaptation specifically meant to aide in survival by reflecting light. I … ok, go on. So it's not like, they're evil for it White supremacy getting ahead entirely, so much so that the reigning world power has lost touch with reality so much that it's 8 billion inhabitants are literally dying inside out of anxiety because we've built a dystopian society where it makes more sense to poison yourself repeatedly than to actually be a human and evolve –Evolution is a group effort. So yeah, S Fuck it The celebrities are up here in sodom and gamora or whatever and half of the politicians are in there with them, but the truth is that while the rest of us fight over something that's technically only been programmed to exist (there's enough food in the world, guys.) –MAYBE NOT ENOUGH WATER THOUGH. SUPACREE That's why you're trying to make me CRY? They're psychic tears! BUT WHERE DO THE TEARS COMEFROM. HEAVEN. Literally. Nowhere you can see or ever reach because DEMONS AREN'T REAL. YOU'RE CRAZY. Wtfever I was raised in the united states of america where GOD is implicated on all of our currency as if it's no curse of blasphemy within itself– blasphemy which WE made up just to control people because well , apparently all the people –all the people– the big ones, the little ones, The fat one e the short ones, the girls and the boys –are still going to keep making more peopl e Somethings will never change. Boys will be boys. My ex husband may not actually be satan himself; You know, cause satan can't stay in one place SATAN ISN'T REAL Ok. Are we seriously going to sit here and pretend like nobody has ever read a history book in their life YES EVIL EXISTS. IT ALWAYS HAS. It's not in your head! You're not okay! You were brought here, Amost entirely with the purpose Of servitude (most of us) Living beneath some of those who have never known The pain of poverty the grief of homelessness The cruelty of racism REVERSE RACISM IS REAL. OH REAALLY?????!! NIGGER. CRACKER. Which one do you want to eat? Neither, honestly, I'd just- Oh my God, he's up! Like a glass of Oh My God! My God! He's Alive! TYLA I got it! JIMMY FALLON Water. Wtf is Jimmy Fallon doing in a coma. IDK cause who the fuck just beat the shit out of JImmy Falon? I'm assuming it's not his Could actually be– Babymama. hm . …Unless it was. Into a coma?! “Why Women Kill” Oh, I get it. They're trying to see if i' P m violent. At this point ________LINES ____________________- BEING _______ ___________CROSSSS ok , i fuked skrilex. I KNEW IT. I TOLD YOU. See, look this is not It's not Like, it doesn't have to be special or anything, i just– Need it. SKRILLEx/SONNY …I beg your pardon? SUPACREE Please, don't beg… SKRILLEX *face* SUPACREE I mean– SKRILLEX *squints* Unless you're into that, or something. I don't know! “I don't know” SKRILLEX So wait, you're a fan. [Apparently, or obviously, cause, I'm honestly getting this play by play, here, finishihg writing story in a stream of consciousness–] (or unconsciousness) Oh! That's MY coma! Nice! Damn. Wtf. [--like in real time–or, like, was, before I got distracted thinking about Shit, I got so much stuff I gotta do. [INSERT CELEBRITY APPEARANCE HERE] Well, perhaps this is one of them. Holy shit, I'm acid. What. How did that happen so fast it's only been like What? Well, how long's it been? I don't know, now well, where'd she go. It's Over. What? It's gone. Just let me go ok . Just let me go. ok . Just let me go. What if I just JUMP UP NO. Don't do that. The kit is stronger than you, Jimmathin. “Jimmathin”!” What, you wanted KING JAMES Fine, I'll write it. What. What is this. This is just like Woah [Art] Wow. Yeah. There's a lot. A R T JIMMY FALLON is a Are we going this? How else am i supposed to explain “ I L L U M I N A T I Look I'm you. ok . You're me. alright. [Young Gods] Wrking title Didn't they aready do this– Or something like this? Yes, but I wrote it first. TV Come and Get it! RAP WORLD UNH YOu'RE A LOSER UNH IMA NIGGA SO WHAT UHHHH Shut up, drake UNNNNHHH I'm gonna call you up UN That's enough OOOOHHHBIIIIRRRRRRRRRR That's it. You're done. WASTED. YOU DON'T WANNA BLACK BOY I GOT LOTS OF BLAC GIRLS WHITE GIRLS MOLLY, ROCK WHITE GIRL, WHITE GIRLS CHINESE EYES I LIKE HER THIGHS Sunni, shut up In UNISON Sep: I MADE IT! EARLIER: SEP, FROM UNISON Gimmie a dollar. ….okay, but I only have one dollar. Jimmy Fallon ILLUMINATI Please explain this. JAMES FALLON is a simple man. IS HIS NAME JAMES?! I don't know, but who names their kid JIMI Oh, no, that's like, Like you know, JImi Hendrix aww , i loved that baby… I love babies. I love her. aw . this is WRAP IT UP This is a lot of stories, okay, but mainly how somehow I got T R A U M A (D) Whait, where's Dillon Francis?! Who the fuck cares. Wake up. For waht. I gotta get waisted. You mean *wasted* Shut up. Wait so like, DIllon and CC are like Together? DJ* Oyeah. DJ. DJ the DJ [DJ the DJ] [BJ the DJ] ok , that was also, like, first season YOu're right, Justin, this is getting Meta. I'm not Hustin, I'm Rick. What. I'm Rick. No, no you're RICK SANCHEZ IT'S ME. i'M BACK. i”M THE REAL RICK SANCHEZ. well la-teee– UNITY You forgot about me, didnt you? UNITY!? That's why everyone is assimilated. Damn, you're really good a dissociating? Would you rather I not be? CUT BACK TO: Homeless shelter: The Reject Pile, The literally runoff of the World. Right. The broken, forgotten women that. Woah, her whole face was FUCKED UP. She went back to him NOOOOO (but like, that was me) Whatever. If you don't have kids, run! Fuck it, if you have kids, run just run at night and do it Quickly Just get out. Quietly Shhh. Wait, isn't it just as bad the other way around? What? Huh *still fucked up* You're high right now? No, i”m not high I mean I Am I mean, I wanna get FUCKED UP. What are you saying? What i'm saying is; I would get high on anything else but life right now why Cause i wanna die so die i can't why otta solve this what . Why i can't die. You WHAT?! I CAN'T DIE! US GOVT It's true! We tried like three times already. This can never lead back to us Did they give you a script!? Brings up random story from childhood even i forgot about. So you want me to drink water out of this *basically a toilet* Actually, the toilet might have been cleaner if she wasn't such a WHORE. What. She was a whore. I kind of figured. Why? By the way the toilet smelled when she used it *sniffs* ok. This is everybody. This is a lot of everybody. This is everybody, But then everybody left, Then more people came And everybody came back. This is everybody. This is too many *blacks* WHAT?! Look, like i said, it's not racism that diversity is getting more important than just hiring 7 white people and 1 or two of the rest of us for coloration and entertainment Cause even god knows Sadistic white supremacists love watching Everybody else kill each other over Things they already have. WHITE SUPRMACISTS Oh shit, it's the guys from Equinox. (it is, in fact, those guys) Wait. did i never finish my story about so what was the whole thing about BODY SHAMING IS WRONG. Bruh whatever the whole earth is a body and what “our”*coughs* species has done to it is pretty much the most shameful thing literally ever because we're mostly all racists kind of in one way or another or have judgements and intolerances – but *coughs* What? Why are we treating Anxiety as a mental illsness? Cause it's in your head? SYNETHESIA No, this shit it *Skrill Fuck it P H Y s I cAAlLLLLLLLLLL Whats wrong with him I don't kno w please eat, would you. lol . no. How long is this fast [LOUD MOTORCYCLE/SATAN] *stomach blowing bubbles of acid before its even audible in my ears* ow . *coughs* ok , ow. *coughing* Ok, ow. What if, that gross, Scary, evil coughing thing that's following me is just JIMMY FALLON. STOP FOLLOWING ME. YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE. PLEASE, OH GOD, OH MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN. What? God's not in heaven right now!!! SHE'S NOT?! WELL, WHERE IS SHE? GONE. GONE WHERE , GOD CAN'T be GONE. GOD IS GOD. MARK LUKE JOhN PETER ….ok, this is getting strange. KING JAMES Finally, Jesus. Well, when does Jesus get here, then. Later. LATER: Can I go now? No What did you say was the Do you even read what you post sometimes? No, I mostly just write it then forget it exists What, really? Yes. So by the time you're reading this. It may have been years. Oh shit, this show's still on. Yeah. That's fucking nuts. Yeah. This shit gets craaaaazzy. my fans Yo dude, I had one roommate that might have been whatever, you had to have heard my podcast if you know anything about [PASSWORD] You want me to kill myself? *indifference* WHAT DO YOU WANT … ….. …… Why? Why WHAT? Why are YOU not fuckked up on that couch somewhere, or like, dead?! Technically, I am! What? This is a homeless shelter! Yes, obviously, however: Go on. Everyone here is sad. Correct. Everyone here is broken. Yes. Everyone here has been hurt– probably Beaten– Yes, Some of us Reviled. YO. Thisfuckedup. I gotta get out of here. Damn, so like, you pay child support and everything– But you don't even get to see your kid? And when you do it's on his terms, Because of nepotism And the assumption that as the bi-racial half of a bi-racial relationship, It must have been you that fucked up So much so That you deserve that And no matter what you do is wrong How was I wrong?! Your pussy stinks. That's it? Yep. You have mental problems. But my pussy clean. *shrugs* Anyway. Maybe I should be meditating I am META - TATING. Duh. INDIGEIDIOTS AHAHAHA . GOOD ONE. SHAQ AHAH Not right ow dude. SHAQ Why not me?! Because, dude, we have like one scene together, and i'm terrified of you. SHAQ I am picking you up now. no , no, shaquille o'neal yes , actually– wait , what's your name again S U P A C R E E n..o… YES. THERE SHE IS WHERE IS SKRILEX SHAQ UP. Why does he sound so dumb? Cause he's BIG. So that means he' dumb? NO, but I also can't afford another celebrity appearance unless, Pasqualle PASQUALE ON THE BEACH Why is it– BECAUSE [PASQUALE ROTELLA is on the beach.] PASQUALE No. AWW, COME ON. PASQUALLE NO, SUPA U Who is that? ! PASQUALE SHUT UP. Woah, okay, ouch. PASQUALE You just said ***** 147 times. NO. but NO. U. What BE U. (lmfao why does he have that like mirror thing white people in the When is this Forever Lmfao you're trying to fry yourself a sunburn tan with a giant mirror. BLUE EYED MOTHERFUCKER No, i'm *** staring in mirror intently*** Wow, your eyes are really pretty MEANWHILE [DILLON FRANCIS is about to DIE.] oh, you again. ohFUCK. [But his eys are really pretty] *glamour* Damn. Wow. She has a baby! wait , WHAT. CUT TO: Wait, Dillon Francis is having a baby?! YES. WHEN?! [NOW) WHENEVER. DAMN. [BEAT] WIBEATER You rang? NO. Hahahahaha42055555555555fucku. Whatthefuckishappeningritenow. I GOTTA GO. JUST BEAT IT, MICHAEL JACKSON. The silhouette of SUPACREE bedazzles as she dances C'ESME'T KATEY SAGAL Are we back to me yet? In a minute. Broh you have all these rich people mad deep in their feelings. I guess. (I am their feelings) It would be great if they were mad deep in their pockets for [The Festival Project™] Why. Excuse me. Why would anybody do that, When for the last [However] 15 Minutes RANDOM NON COINCIDENCE Your 15 minutes is up. That's impossible, because I'm living in a homeless shelter. Which is where you deserve to be. Huh. For being born. Excuse me? Everything you've ever done. *breath, walk talk* Is wrong (I Am.) HOLD ON JIMMY, DON'T LET GO I might let go. DON'T. Lol This kite just might be stronger than you, Jimmy Fallon. I hate this guy. What is he?! Japanese! (Ive often wondered, not worth knowing, though, cause what's about to happen is) T H E W I N D IIIIIII Please don't cry SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS plase dont Nono Nnnnnnssssssnsnsnsnsnsnfnffn V.O. Poor Little Jimmy Fallon… W I N DS FFFFFFFUUUUUUUDNDNDFFFFFFFF I AM DEFINITELY STRONGER THAN THIS KITE. No. no, you are not Wouldn't it be it's “the wind” “the wind is stronger than me” No, Jimmy Fallon James Shut up– It's the KITE DIRECTOR That's the line! Got it? And if you break fourth wall, When we're live, or just– ever again, WHAT. could be jimmy fal0n sure. Namesake police talkin bout: If we can put ot AI Michael Jackson, God rest his soul, which reminds me, After this scene, put the one with [The Soul Kitchen] I'M A MAN! T H E W I N D AAAAAAAAAAA– *sniffles* oh , maybe not. hm. JIMMY FALLON *sigh of– T H E W I N D SSFFFLLAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KITE: BLOOP. x_x DEATH. NO SHAQ! Put me down! SHAQ You can DOWN when the BASS is ALSO THERE. SUPACREE No, you don't mean– SHAQ We WILL drop the bass. SUPACREE Put me down! I'm a grown ass woman! SHAQ *purses* SUPACREE I am NOT a tiny person. SHAQ I know: I'm married to one. SUPACREE I know, i know. the entire world cringes about it, however, congratulations on your happy SHAQ DUBSTEP. SUPACREE NO, NO DUBSTEP SHAQ DUBSTEP.b SUPACREE OH, GOD, NO, PLEASE SHAQ Maybe a little rap SUPACREE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Andy Sandbourg. Uh, ok, wait, whose THE LONELY ISLAND WHEN WILL THE BASS DROP?! (When will the bass drop?) –When will the bass drop OH. That's why that island is lonely. YES. DO. NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES Ok DROP THIS BASS. Ok. I”ll be right back. Ok. [beat] [another beat] [some tension] [space] [more tension] [The lights cut CUT TO: JANET JACKSON bursts through the panoramic window. … You are not Dillon Francis FIGHT Wait, fight w– JANE JACKSON Alright you! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? lol ‘Jane Jackson?' You know, just in case she didn't want to commit, but you know Janet Jackson was one of the first ones to approach me to show interest about this project. IT'S ALL FACETIOUS LIES. (t's not tho, i'm bein 100% honest and truthful bout everything, so .) LIE what . LEARN HOW TO LIE. Excuse me? or , hey, listen: You can tell the truth, but at least be funny. This is funny. *homelessness* *niggers* STOP SAYING THAT. Isn't it weird how the word almost only offends white people now cause Cause we're all capitalists. Capitalists. People that believe in money. Oh. AS GOD. oh . YOu have none. oh . YOU are the devil ugh GROSS. You'RE BROKE. What. GET OUT. What We don't need you here. We need people to hit the workforce, buy things, and never complain unless it end in ME MAKING MONEY Ok, fine, so like I just was saying. JANET JACKSON WHERE'S MY BROTHER?! WHEVER HE IS! I DON'T KNOW! [I'm getting really tired so i'm not going to describe in full brutal detail how Janet Jackson is whooping– Who is this Is whooping this other character's ass right now. Wait, Whoopi. Fuck. You saw it. Yeah, You're Whoopi Goldberg! WhattheFUCK. But you're als Janet Jackson! I Am. WHY?! Look, I didn't know you were a channel, alright EARLIER: CUT SCENES FROM A VERY BRUTAL BATTLE SAY UNCLE NNNNOOO____YuuuurrrrJANETJACKSON SAY UNCLE Control, Janet Jackson Seriously?! You picked that song for this montage?! it's! SAYUNCLE UNCLESAMWANTS–U–TO WIN THIS FUCKING BATTLE—YAGH– JANET JACKSON SAY UNCLE JUNGLE OH SHIT. Hold up. Okay, real quick. Remember those people in the jungle that don't know their in a jungle DANE COOK WHATEVER, I'M NOT DONG THIS PROJECT. IT'S TOO LATE, YOU'RE IN. DANE COOK OK. But i'm gonna make you forget about it For like a really long time Ok Until you forget who I am at all. Alright. Many, many lifetimes. Go on. Until I find you again. And you WILL. And i WILL. AND WHEN I DO I AM NOT DOING THIS PROJECT I am SO not-famous I have almost been FORGOTTEN. Forgotten at FORGOTTEN AT ALL! And I will not AND YOU WILL NOT KNOW ME. ok . …ok. So. So…. kite. kite.___________________________________________________FL|| IIII IIIII YYYYY AAA ||||||| UNCLE– UNCLE–UNCLE JANET JACKSON NOW SING ABC by THE JACKSON 5! WHAT?! SING IT. UNCLE. UNCLE!!! I WANNA HEAR A SONG. Damn, Janet Jackson still got it. WHOOPI GOLDBERG What gave me away? Your left hook. Still got it. I know. Even in the wrong body, now look. If I'm not Michael Jackson Could never be Neither could you O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 lol she's not gonna do this movie. She might. she's friendly. besides. ABC… KEEP GOING, BUT BETTER EEEEASY AS 1-23…UNCLE! THERE'S NO UNCLE IN ABC! Do you think we're at a feature yet? Notquite Why, how oong's a feature?! Till it isn't. Right., so Look, obese americans I know its hard to face the facts– Or anything at all, because, you know “I'm going to start eating right– ….later” and nobody's judging you at all, actually because. That was me. (Is still me) When i'm eating food , which was my Adderall. What. You needed adderall. Youe entire life and never got it. Yeah I know. Because you're black. Maybe that's not why. What do you mean. Maybe that's not why. Maybe when Look, my mom wasn't going to take me to a doctor for focus issues, I would cry and cry when my dad would leave. It's probably for the best that I stay away, I'm a psycho now. I might killl you. I would like that because I just can't seem to. CAPITALIZE. CAPITALIZE OFF THIS PROJECT! HOW? SELL YOUR ASS. WHAT? No that's (Only Fans) What. Look, you can't just BE a DJ: You can, but you're gonna need like, 3 other jobs, and some hustles and shit, cause everybody else. How come. Because, dumbass , you're not Skrillex; Or whoever he sits with. [TINA FEY Is a whatever. ] What does this mean I don't know. By the way, nothing's making me “do this” It's called “automatic writing”, it's some kind of extraterrestrial psychic shit, I don't know. My pain unlocked all my colors, and well. KITE. ____________________________________________________________________KE$HA Now I'm God. Wait, How long's a feature? OOOOOOIOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH 30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, MANHATTAN, NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK. So dumb the state has the same name as the city I kno So dumb Bro could you imagine being like a comedian or like an actor during the like “The Good Old Days” I swear I'm about to stop Don't stop. SAY, IS THAT A wait , i think i feel a song coming on Oh yeah, i hear it… Something like Fuck How to tell an obstacle From a crossword, Or draw slung crosses on awkward Wax polished silver scratched ponds On the surface or Then it all starts picking up When i turn on my pic or sing, I turn to write and this Motorcycle wants to eat me from the inside out Cause the man who rides it Got nothing on to watch on his instagram stories No only fans models Just hot soft porn And he's so far from a microphone –but far at all Cause i started to talk, then The car alarms going off all i got a words, really The music is gone A couple albums coming, The old stuff I made on my long journey being homeless with no son Long sauna jaunts (and I mean) Sometimes from Sunday to Monday And monday would have come and then gone, Before I could come home Cause there wasn't one Only a sauna, at my job Well, one of them The other's across town and, I might just make it in time (i won't though) I spent my first check on a bike (my mom lives across town, but she don't even know i'm Homeless; Nevermind, She knows this, She's just Preoccupied with THE BLACKEST THING i'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. That's a person, not a thing. No, you made yourself a thing THEY. made you a thing. To THEM. but when they walk away– I'm a man. –The world's yours. You are not my kid. I get that. It's the prettiest day New York City has Ever seen Oh shit, this is fucking IT. This is theMOVIE. DILLON FRANCIS GOOD. CAUSE I'VE. HAD IT. ST. JIMMY Oh, shit. I better run. Wait, Greenday is in this?! Everybody's in this IAMBIC!!!! (it's a rock opera) Yeah God. Speaking of THE ROCK DWAYNE JOHNSON YOOOOOOOOO. Wtf. Whatthefuck. WHY YES, I AM A WHAT THE FCK. CUT TO BLACK: [The Festival Project ™] . . . “” AFTER DA CREDITZ LOL WHAT CREDITS, I'm streaming this EDITORS OH YOU WILL SEE THESE CREDITS. these are insanely creative credits. TINA FEY (But way less cute) What color is that, What is what Your hair now Is it like MELISSA MCCARTHY clover…. “It's Honeydew Blondi What “Honeydew Blondike” *blonde-like, but Holly. Which one?! Honeydew Blondish. Well it's weird. You're fucking weird. Wait have you ever actually met Tina Fey *unruly, wild shit* Oh yeah, that bitch is crazy. LIZ!!! GET BACK HERE. Uh. HOLLY ROBINSON PETE No, officer Hanson Detective You were demoted. I wasn't demoted. You know what. I was SHOT, CAPTAIN HOFFS is being haunted by her best friend's from back in the day; they are ghosts. She is the last surviving CAST MEMBER Look, what character am I supposed to be. lol WHATEVER YOU WANT what would you call this? Your “sexy” passenger? No, Dexter… Or, is it MICHAEL C. HALL I don't know. I think that's for you to decide No, dude, the whole point of the festival project is sometimes— It doesn't … Zzz Wait, what happened. skrillex left the chat. Hm. I wonder where he went. THE B- SIDE FINALLy, the BEYONCÉ PART HAVENT YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? THE WHOLE THING IS “THE BEYONCÉ PART” Because GOD BEEEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Beyonce, being Skrillex* [expletive] Ohhhhhhhh, that's how she got the accent over theeeeeeeeeeeeee —————eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeé matter. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT, INC. circa 2018- 2024 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_aLRVCa76U The Wackness The Blackness You can't escape it. The likes of the United States of America masterminded the false flag “terror attack” on its own citizens in 2001 in order to deceive it's citizens into a police state to suit the New World Order; Now, New York City preys upon its weakest and most vulnerable inhabitants via inhumane psychological terrorism, gangstalking, terror hacking, and other forms of psycholotical terrorism in order to maintain the inequivocal social and justice issues plaguing the united states of Asmerica; the globalization of a one-world government, and the continuation of the human slavetrae system from which the United states of america has built itself and has been thriving on, priding itself on being the strongest country in the world: However, it shall soon see its own de mise, with the importation of hundreds of thousands of non-natural citizens in an attempt to close the plummeting world economy, thereby once again prioritizing thousands of lives over the lives of the Indigenous and involuntarily Imported descendants of the AFRICAN BLACK american slaves YOU'RE BLAAAAA—- I get it. Shut up. BLACK. Please be quiet. BLAC shh . B please shut up. I'm allowed to have an extreme distaste for impoliteness Disgusting habits Lack of hygiene Honestly, I don't care what color you are Stop disturbing the peace NO JUSTICE NO– SHUT UP. Listen, I don't want to go through this again. I'm not going to kill myself Not today satan. I have too much to– Oh, really, I have nothing better to do than Make money? MAKE MONEY. Broke ass bitch. You realize, blacks mexicans Immagrants poor whites ugly /fat people that you're all still slaves. that the people telling you that “it's okay to not be ok” Are the exact people making everything not ok for profit. Oh, but also if your family owned slaves and property from slavery you should have to give a certain amount of your income to re-allocate some of the resources you– well , lets just face it STOLE YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WASH YOUR FUCKING PUSSY. (and also just *coughing* *toxcity* *grossness* getaway from me.. *coughing* gross . *talking on the phone at 5 am* Mmmmmmmmmhmm SHUT Yo. Where are the indigenous people? Dead. or somewhere out there claiming to be 1/32.1/2th Cherokee and pretending not to listen to taylor swift. I MADE IT. I actually hate you. I knew it was a set up from the moment i walked in the door. There she sat, hunched over in the corner, almost hiding as if to try to surprise me. But I had already been psychologically tortured with the permanant record of my own past with enough audacity that I understood that I was being provoked and manipulated; And I was tired of it. They all coughed. They all wanted to have “random” “friendly conversations about my Pedophile Wifebeater ExHusband. God Help Him (No, Seriously, help him) Because— he tore my son away from me and e verybody in Very racist, very right wing, very color-coded, colonized Rural Alaska Assured that i (being a black woman) was the problem. –and you know what? Perhaps I was. WHAT HAPPENED TO FELEYSHA WILLIAMS. Idk. she's probably dead or tweaked out somewhere. I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. Ok. But you're ging to have to torture me consistently for at least a few weeks until we fight. He deserves custody. You're crazy. Cool. i don't want to spend the rest of my life arguing with someone who looks like someone who ruined my life trying to explain why it's salad until after puberty just to make sure his beauty doesn't ruin his life. Because all he eats is processed foods and plays video games and watches anime anyway so, Really it's a perfect world, for him. He's a perfect boy. I was told he didn't love me Didn't want me Didn't ask about me And didn't need me. So i left. Well, no– I tried to kill myself first (or did) Whatever Then I left. No, actually i tried to stay and split custody down the middle so nobody would have to pay child support. It wouldn't be fair to either of us, right, but: So here I am trying to explain how Yo, look. I left my shit in a locked parked car in a parking lot To push out a 5 minute shit And when I got back Everything was gone. hm. oh , you know what? No, the car was still there. The car was still there. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I was real lucky for that, cause I lived in it. hm . Lucky for me. AH, shit. It was a rental, though, so I still owe someone a lot of money Interesting For getting ROBBED. So, here's the thing This: BEING A DISGUSTING, OBNOXIOUS, LOUD, COUGHING, DRINKING, SMOKING, PIECE OF Oh, that's what it is. It's my ex's energy. That. Doing the LEAST. Doesn't even know what clean IS so fucking fat he'll never see his penis EVER again and anybody else who does honestly it's cool, I just feel bad for her, honestly, like ? *gross pedophile wifebeater* You can't just go around calling people pedophiles! You can when everything they're obsessively sexually attracted to what looks like a kid or sometimes IS a kid without him realizing that Or is when they're openly watching porn and masturbating With a toddler. Yes. that actually happened. No, it didn't. I saw you. Well ,nobody will ever believe me, I guess because– Because the first time he hit me, I covered for him But only I begged him to stay with US THREE OF US a two year old, a one month old And me the wife that was so paralized from depression After learning that her husband The only man she ever truly “loved” had cheated The. entire . time So not only did I waste my time– My body is ruined, and I'MJUSTGOINGTOKILLMYSELF. –not the thing you want to hear as you're trying to stop the blood from pouring out of your face. My whatever . fuck this story. What why? Cause it SUCKS. PLUS I'm apparently “Very very bright” Hm And we're at the midsts of an Environmental Crisis *Multiple **Environmental*Crises Just at the tip Of another manipulated global disaster Which has left most the population Lazy and docile enough to not care About anything Anymore I care about my son. I don't care about your stuff; And I didn't take anything from you You gross, dirty, coughing ass, stinking pussy ass Grotesque Fuck it. I just don't care I have all my own shit. Honestly, I was just sick of beng reminded of this dumb sack of shit. It wasn't real. They were all actors gangstalkers undercovers CIA agents Welfare Office Workers What? Hey, look, just so you're aware Being in the system actually technically on paper strips you of some of your basic human rights and decencies. You are State Property. Bought and Sold for the benefit of The Highest bidder, Who, Never you mind, Is of the highest power In this predicament H O W E V E R I had finally been given an out; An apartment, far away from the Check it out, I was being studied, provoked, recorded, questioned about a past I was only trying to forget and gulted over and over as if i had abandoned my child on purpose No, son. Daddy just has issues And mommy has issues And I'm really really sorry about this But you're the most beautiful, Wonderful, Amazing Person I've ever met in my life, Bear(r) And I'm proud to be your FATHER. huh . what. I'm a girl. No. You're not; He's the girl. Bitch ass babymomma . Fuck it, just go be with ___ then. Oh, amazing I love this one. I never cheated I just retreated So I could repeat this: “he cheated! He cheated” “he beat me, he beat me” “I hate him, I hate him” My best friend was Annie My Lover was Davies –doesn't matter these days, though same place Salt Lake Saltair It's been years. You know how, When you're a kid, And you [Get scraped] Oh shit, I missed a – A lot. hm . You ever have another kid pick your scab off for you– Wayyyyy before it was ready? YOu ever like– You get it?? Yo, i get this is like government, public housing or whatever IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN Why does she have to be “ignorant” can't she just be NO Because she was Extremely ignorant, this particular one, and so are most of the other ignorant black people who work in social services because white people a . wouldn't do it. b . aren't equipped Because the kind of black people you meet in a new york city homeless shelter are —no , i'm not actually THAT racist— just the lowest quality people [LCD] Lowest Common Denomonator She stole my ID. Fucku. So i'm a low quality people. Yep. You suck. Ok. I'm gonna go suck at Equinox for six hours. Go, then. Don't follow me. But We're watching you. Someone's always watching me. I'm famous, But not rich And every time i make any money my ex husband gets to buy drugs and ciggarettes with it. CHILD SUPPORT Before: Literally doesn't answer phone for months. Me: Thinking my child is dead because i can't get ahold of him, it's always winter in alaska and the roads are made of ice. Panic, fear, paralyzing depression And when I finally DO get in touch; It's because: ACTUAL BEST FRIEND I haen't heard from ***** at all but a little while ago some girl called me and was yelling at me accusing of cheating with him. ME AHAHAH ACTUAL BEST FRIEND AHAHAHA US LOL SKRILLE wait , this is a different story NO, it really fucking ISN'T. SO All my wages are garnshed to pay child support I can't even TALK to my kid and Oh yeah. I was only ever homeless in the first place because This is where it happened: BITCH *throws fake house plant* *RAGE* RURNJRNH *PUNCH to the FACE 1 This cannot be happening *PUNCH TO THE FACE 2* Wow, that really sounds like in the mov– *PUNCH TO THE FACE 3* HE'S NOT STOPPING, I GOTTA *literally can't go anywhere, also being strangled* so somewhere between punches 3 and 5 *FIVE PUNCHES TO THE FACE* And I mean, he was winding his arm back and everything Oh, it was weird how like my third roommate gave me almost the exact same injuries fighting over the thermostat. I'm cold. I'm hot Well, yeah, you're from Peru and I'm from LA Alaska, so I ean technically really neither of us are built for this but hey– America needs corporate slaves so, Welcome. Yo soy triste. Ay! Dios Mios. Ahora YO soy triste! *crying* Dios Mio Anyway, they know you're like some kind of like– Wizard, or like– Wizardry's alright– —Like a fairy– I'm way, way bigger than any “fairies” i've seen (and more powerful) Some kind of like a KEISHA THE ROADCOP Why's she a road cop? Idk. My brain backwards remembers her from that random McDonalds, though, when. WAY, WAY BEFORE THAT: (kinda) This hasn't happened in a really long time Staying up all night in ableton, Then only for the day to come To write and think about how I've been fasting again, but not on purpose I've just been so stressed Because all the bodies in my simulation are inhuman , coughing Keigha seemed human Kinda I loved her. I love her. I actually liked that one. By that time it was obvious that it was all an inside job; Each “roomate” i had been paired with had been given a specific list of buttons to push, Things to talk about Topics to discuss But mostly– Buttons to push. Look, if I commit suicide and anyone cares at all, there are thousands of recordings and writings Which indicate “she struggled greatly with mental illness' Or how about I suffer greatly from My 3rd grade teacher was a classic closet racist. I'm eight. She's a huge, unmarried mormon white lady And that's super unommon (Even for the fat ones) Fat people can have normal lives!! Not really. That's a lie. BODY POSITIVITY no , you should be ashamed. why . Because ive literally been tormented my ooh , also this I've been tortured, taunted, and humiliated my entire life, Made to feel lesser than, And shamed repeatedly for not only my weight, But my skin color– and that's a whole other thing. NO. Having a disability and being black are not the same thing. NO. It's not the same thing to “skinny shame” someone as it is to ===== Look, you're looking for equality, right? NO. Why? Because ME is not equal to HER. Why not. I surfer more– –I work harder. Oh, look, by the way, I've finally figured it out that YOU LIVE IN THE JUNGLE WHAT'S A JUNGLE?!?!?! YOU'RE FAT. WHAT'S WHAT MEAN?! IT'S BAAAAD. But here, eat this: What is it: It's hamburger helper What's this gonna help? Nothin. THIRD GRADE TEACH She's a very bright girl, she jut has trouble focusing. BULLY *passing note* “Losser” SHE SPELLED ‘LOSER' WRONG. HOW AM I THE LOSER? SHE'S NOT EVEN SMART. *white passing, bilingual 8 year old* [Some spanish shit, honestly i don't know what she said because it blew my mind that she did not look, and yet was MEXICAN. FIrst season: Well, since even when I work full time and have two jobs I still can't afford an apartment, even if I DIDN'T have an eviction on my record, oh . Well, yeah; I got fired from my job I couldn't function. Like, at all I could still breastfeed, kind of *ouch* But that's it. I just couldn't… BENTLEY is a yorkshire terrier *teacup BENTLEY *is a Teacup Yorkshire Terrier What about this other thing? Which other thing? Oh, I mean, I'm not racist; I don't care what color you are Or where you come from But act decently -NOBODY wants to hear your phone conversations NOBODY wants to wake up to the sund of your voice every day (especially after the things you've said and done to them) And NOBODY Wants to pick up your trash. In fact, If that were my job, I'd have killed myself already bcause Well. This Fucking Sucks. I quit. YOU'RE THE DEVIL. YOU LEFT YOUR FAMILY TO TRY TO BE A ROCKSTAR. Actually, my family abandoned me and left me homeless when I started Eating an all-organic (at first, raw foods) whole foods diet. wtf. This is salad, no dressing. Yep. For like– Seriously my diet has been the most depressing thing about me ever since i've been maintaining my body. See. You can quit heroin. You don't NEED it to survive, Unless you're Scribbly Pibbles Aka You know what? It's not funny anymore Nevermind. When your friends go out for ice cream Ha Or Pizza Lol Lets Get McDonalds. OK, I guess i'll just starve, then. I guess we could insert the scene with Raven Symone here then? Which one? Idk. WHere is it. Idk. IT's buries. *buried [buries] Mm. Yummah. WE'll find it. I don't think we're gonna find it Maybe Sonny has it. Damn, fuck that Or maybe Dillon? [Dillon Francis is a very white man] No, but– I don't think it's safe to put any Disney or NBC shit in here cause it's like, you know YOu know what? [Censored] Hey, yeah I don't give a fuck about your shit Like at all But since you want a war And i've been brushing up on all my Office politics and strategies Then I guess since *ONE ATTACK ON MY SOUL* stop provoking me, satan Do you think he actually controls demons, or it's just the government is controlled by the white supremacists And you're being set up to fail A little of both, It's like a roller coaster Minus the plummet Explosions Co– Look, I actually can't write right now, I snapped. What do you mean I just snapped. I can't sleep I also just quit smoking weed. again Well, why'd you start Literally everyone around me for the last Who fucking knows how long but– Every single body around me starts *coughing* So maybe i must be the toxin This whole world just smells like poison Why are you trying to sterilize me. JOIN THE MILIT NO. No guns. What. PEACE. Beg your pardon. NO, NOW i'M BEGGING, ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE LEFT ALONE It's me again Get away from me you creepy ass nigga hey , it's me again stop being around. Out of sight, out of mind. You know, I was almost, almost dead Right So after being tortured by the US government about being SUPACREE Bruh, I'm telling you to quit provoking me. You're everything that's wrong with the world. Apparently, yeah so i tried to change that And by the time i do I'm obsolete TYLA, EVERYBODY! The me that everyone loved. The me that was perfect The me with Whatever she had to make her look like that (Water, btw. ) No, we don't have water. You'll have to drink it out of the sink. What. *dirty, disgusting homeless shelter bathroom sink* yeah , drink that. IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN AND DON'T FORGET I'M BETTER THAN YOU CAUSE I'M NOT HOMELESS (Anymore) Because the homeless system in itself is like a big , bleeding, gaping wound of systemic racism Within itself WHY ARE WE GIVING NON-CITIZENS SO MUCH MONEY?! It goes back into OUR econ NO, iT DON'T. Half of it goes to INT. THE NIKE STORE. DAY. What up DJ!? I fucking quit. Trying to get a job as a DJ: WHERE'S YOUR FOLLOWING. They're not gonna follow me, Because I wear clothes in my photos And don't sell ass YOU DON'T SELL ASS no I'd consider it. Why? Cause little white girls make more than black girls in porn because we're so UGLY Ok, look, just because i called you “ugly” Only the fat ugly ones like me when i'm fat. Ugly doesn't negate lack of beauty Or skin tone, To me It's a vibe. Woah. Cool colors. Woah. What happened to Skrillex? He died, i think, er like Evolved, or something Another Grammy *instantly disappears into a dimension so high I could never even think to* It's lonely at the top. I'm not lonely, i'm sick of being punished for being born. You're not being punished! That's in your MIND! PATHOLOGICAL LIAR MOTHER/ PEDOPHILE WIFE BEATER EX HUSBAND THATSALL IN YOUR MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDDDDD BEFORE: Torture– –Ridicule– -Trauma– Abuse NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. YOu know why? CAuse they have the same problems. We're all the same person except for Skrillex, The US Government, A couple of aliens Whatever those to things are Those guys over these Wtf. I thought everything is everything. NO, it's needs to split. What do you mean EVERYTHING IS NOTHING Oh. There's Jimmy Fallon. FUCK! Now I gotta exp no , i don't. I'm just gonna make music which , Doesn't really make me enough money But it's okay. I'm sick of working for corporations that only see dollar signs My employee number is my name My coworkers are all weird, and dumb and I work harder than everybody else But for some reason when I match the pace of my peers You have to go with the flow of traffic. NEW YORK CATTLE PEOPLE INSOMNIAC CATTLE PEOPLE YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. NOTHING ON YOUR PLATE HAS EVER SEEN SUNLIGHT. That's ok. I'm an omnivore No, it's not, Because The animal you're eating is a herbivore He or “it “ You gotta castrate them but he NOT FOOD FOOD COW Mo..00oo? .. yeah , i don't know. Well, what about you SKELOCHICKEN *FLl**dies* hm. CHINA MORE HORMONES TO POI– I MEAN NUTRITION YOUR PEOPLE? AMERICA YES, PLEASE ADD MORE DEPRESSION. CHINA Ok. AMERICA THANKS CHINA Also we're infiltrating with the humanoid robot genetically modified satellite controlled robot people. AMERICA You can do that? STOP ASIAN HATE. *cough* *robotic* *nothin* I don't hate you guys,but this is weird and kinda shocking. Wtf are they doing with the asians STOP ASIAN – Nobody hates you, we just ant to know why *HOSTILITY* ok , this is weird. CHINA Hey, we've been on this continent awhile it's getting kind of crowded. AMERICA *hating all the colors but needing diversity to keep the corporate slaves from rioting* lol . they won't riot. they're all drunk or medicated IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK …really? Yeah. Wow. ok. I feel a lot That'll be $88.50 *sighs* ….ok. *pays* …per pill. That's my whole– It's okay! It's not okay… Well, that's okay, because it's okay to not be okay *huffs* Ok IT'S OKAY! IT'S OK! INSURANCE! It's ONLY a $100 copay! What. EVERY 30 DAYS. $100 Cause we need you to not be okay Why RICH ASSHOLE So i can be extremely ok. [beat[ …. *sighs* *finds a penny* I'll take that too. *....* what ? I tried.. Alright, I gotta tie this up. TIE THIS UP!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I put all your shit in the trash. Tie me up. Okay, I like you But I lie good And i'm tired With my eyes on I got IONS on my filers I got no mail For the iron I'm so tired But man, I've learned that Sometimes, man Well, Just– Live hurts and if I swerve And i die first Cause this mind curse Is my worst hurt but , no That's untrue I got no son I got no phone. Got no baby momma, but my Fire's lighting up an oven For my bun, or muffin I'm bluffin, I'm stuffed but God, I love these cumsluts. [( Jimmy Fallon cannot participate in this project. )] Well, why not? Honestly, hon, If i'm the mom in that one Stumble upon this podcast on stumble upon or tumblr, Then i'm numb, Bummed out for certain the songs and curses, verses make more sense than anything (and i mean anything and everything Inside this simulation since HILARY! NO, DONALD TRUMP. –but the conundrum comin up under A microscope such as this: My husband's a public figure And this girl keeps saying *nigger* Like the problems in the world aren't getting bigger –so this ring around my finger, Shall protect us from this singer, God help her– I hope my son never reads this… But Jim, The Executive Decision has been made! She's insane! Crazy! Abandoned her own baby for fame; adjacently; The Fame Game was made to be played by Players and families [The Wealthy and Super Elite] Oh, you're not ugly cause you're black, just– *splits* *scratches humungous crotchel* Uh… Yeah, Ok. No. So is this like a PSA on mental illness? Idk. did i survive this? Suicide. God, why do i Did I write this? I might have Something like it But i died again I've been inside my mind, I lied again I have no one to confide to cause Okay: So every one with blue eyes has given me this sort of pain, specifically * racism * &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& * deception *manipulation *dishonestly *mistrust I'm 8, My third grade teacher is just WAITING for me to fuck up Speak out of turn One time, she gave a soda to every person on my row Everyone but me Didn't explain it, nothing. Just “This row wins!” (Except for Cree) And didn't say shit; didn't explain anything, just. –and we're all 8, so lol nobody's saying shit in here but apparently that mental scar stayed buried until today, While i'm just sitting here trying to explain why, Something i've always found so pretty I don't hate white women. All of my best friends (almost) Have been white girls Which is how I know *she doesn't know what she wants* blue eyed people are aware that their eyes are a mutation/adaptation specifically meant to aide in survival by reflecting light. I … ok, go on. So it's not like, they're evil for it White supremacy getting ahead entirely, so much so that the reigning world power has lost touch with reality so much that it's 8 billion inhabitants are literally dying inside out of anxiety because we've built a dystopian society where it makes more sense to poison yourself repeatedly than to actually be a human and evolve –Evolution is a group effort. So yeah, S Fuck it The celebrities are up here in sodom and gamora or whatever and half of the politicians are in there with them, but the truth is that while the rest of us fight over something that's technically only been programmed to exist (there's enough food in the world, guys.) –MAYBE NOT ENOUGH WATER THOUGH. SUPACREE That's why you're trying to make me CRY? They're psychic tears! BUT WHERE DO THE TEARS COMEFROM. HEAVEN. Literally. Nowhere you can see or ever reach because DEMONS AREN'T REAL. YOU'RE CRAZY. Wtfever I was raised in the united states of america where GOD is implicated on all of our currency as if it's no curse of blasphemy within itself– blasphemy which WE made up just to control people because well , apparently all the people –all the people– the big ones, the little ones, The fat one e the short ones, the girls and the boys –are still going to keep making more peopl e Somethings will never change. Boys will be boys. My ex husband may not actually be satan himself; You know, cause satan can't stay in one place SATAN ISN'T REAL Ok. Are we seriously going to sit here and pretend like nobody has ever read a history book in their life YES EVIL EXISTS. IT ALWAYS HAS. It's not in your head! You're not okay! You were brought here, Amost entirely with the purpose Of servitude (most of us) Living beneath some of those who have never known The pain of poverty the grief of homelessness The cruelty of racism REVERSE RACISM IS REAL. OH REAALLY?????!! NIGGER. CRACKER. Which one do you want to eat? Neither, honestly, I'd just- Oh my God, he's up! Like a glass of Oh My God! My God! He's Alive! TYLA I got it! JIMMY FALLON Water. Wtf is Jimmy Fallon doing in a coma. IDK cause who the fuck just beat the shit out of JImmy Falon? I'm assuming it's not his Could actually be– Babymama. hm . …Unless it was. Into a coma?! “Why Women Kill” Oh, I get it. They're trying to see if i' P m violent. At this point ________LINES ____________________- BEING _______ ___________CROSSSS ok , i fuked skrilex. I KNEW IT. I TOLD YOU. See, look this is not It's not Like, it doesn't have to be special or anything, i just– Need it. SKRILLEx/SONNY …I beg your pardon? SUPACREE Please, don't beg… SKRILLEX *face* SUPACREE I mean– SKRILLEX *squints* Unless you're into that, or something. I don't know! “I don't know” SKRILLEX So wait, you're a fan. [Apparently, or obviously, cause, I'm honestly getting this play by play, here, finishihg writing story in a stream of consciousness–] (or unconsciousness) Oh! That's MY coma! Nice! Damn. Wtf. [--like in real time–or, like, was, before I got distracted thinking about Shit, I got so much stuff I gotta do. [INSERT CELEBRITY APPEARANCE HERE] Well, perhaps this is one of them. Holy shit, I'm acid. What. How did that happen so fast it's only been like What? Well, how long's it been? I don't know, now well, where'd she go. It's Over. What? It's gone. Just let me go ok . Just let me go. ok . Just let me go. What if I just JUMP UP NO. Don't do that. The kit is stronger than you, Jimmathin. “Jimmathin”!” What, you wanted KING JAMES Fine, I'll write it. What. What is this. This is just like Woah [Art] Wow. Yeah. There's a lot. A R T JIMMY FALLON is a Are we going this? How else am i supposed to explain “ I L L U M I N A T I Look I'm you. ok . You're me. alright. [Young Gods] Wrking title Didn't they aready do this– Or something like this? Yes, but I wrote it first. TV Come and Get it! RAP WORLD UNH YOu'RE A LOSER UNH IMA NIGGA SO WHAT UHHHH Shut up, drake UNNNNHHH I'm gonna call you up UN That's enough OOOOHHHBIIIIRRRRRRRRRR That's it. You're done. WASTED. YOU DON'T WANNA BLACK BOY I GOT LOTS OF BLAC GIRLS WHITE GIRLS MOLLY, ROCK WHITE GIRL, WHITE GIRLS CHINESE EYES I LIKE HER THIGHS Sunni, shut up In UNISON Sep: I MADE IT! EARLIER: SEP, FROM UNISON Gimmie a dollar. ….okay, but I only have one dollar. Jimmy Fallon ILLUMINATI Please explain this. JAMES FALLON is a simple man. IS HIS NAME JAMES?! I don't know, but who names their kid JIMI Oh, no, that's like, Like you know, JImi Hendrix aww , i loved that baby… I love babies. I love her. aw . this is WRAP IT UP This is a lot of stories, okay, but mainly how somehow I got T R A U M A (D) Whait, where's Dillon Francis?! Who the fuck cares. Wake up. For waht. I gotta get waisted. You mean *wasted* Shut up. Wait so like, DIllon and CC are like Together? DJ* Oyeah. DJ. DJ the DJ [DJ the DJ] [BJ the DJ] ok , that was also, like, first season YOu're right, Justin, this is getting Meta. I'm not Hustin, I'm Rick. What. I'm Rick. No, no you're RICK SANCHEZ IT'S ME. i'M BACK. i”M THE REAL RICK SANCHEZ. well la-teee– UNITY You forgot about me, didnt you? UNITY!? That's why everyone is assimilated. Damn, you're really good a dissociating? Would you rather I not be? CUT BACK TO: Homeless shelter: The Reject Pile, The literally runoff of the World. Right. The broken, forgotten women that. Woah, her whole face was FUCKED UP. She went back to him NOOOOO (but like, that was me) Whatever. If you don't have kids, run! Fuck it, if you have kids, run just run at night and do it Quickly Just get out. Quietly Shhh. Wait, isn't it just as bad the other way around? What? Huh *still fucked up* You're high right now? No, i”m not high I mean I Am I mean, I wanna get FUCKED UP. What are you saying? What i'm saying is; I would get high on anything else but life right now why Cause i wanna die so die i can't why otta solve this what . Why i can't die. You WHAT?! I CAN'T DIE! US GOVT It's true! We tried like three times already. This can never lead back to us Did they give you a script!? Brings up random story from childhood even i forgot about. So you want me to drink water out of this *basically a toilet* Actually, the toilet might have been cleaner if she wasn't such a WHORE. What. She was a whore. I kind of figured. Why? By the way the toilet smelled when she used it *sniffs* ok. This is everybody. This is a lot of everybody. This is everybody, But then everybody left, Then more people came And everybody came back. This is everybody. This is too many *blacks* WHAT?! Look, like i said, it's not racism that diversity is getting more important than just hiring 7 white people and 1 or two of the rest of us for coloration and entertainment Cause even god knows Sadistic white supremacists love watching Everybody else kill each other over Things they already have. WHITE SUPRMACISTS Oh shit, it's the guys from Equinox. (it is, in fact, those guys) Wait. did i never finish my story about so what was the whole thing about BODY SHAMING IS WRONG. Bruh whatever the whole earth is a body and what “our”*coughs* species has done to it is pretty much the most shameful thing literally ever because we're mostly all racists kind of in one way or another or have judgements and intolerances – but *coughs* What? Why are we treating Anxiety as a mental illsness? Cause it's in your head? SYNETHESIA No, this shit it *Skrill Fuck it P H Y s I cAAlLLLLLLLLLL Whats wrong with him I don't kno w please eat, would you. lol . no. How long is this fast [LOUD MOTORCYCLE/SATAN] *stomach blowing bubbles of acid before its even audible in my ears* ow . *coughs* ok , ow. *coughing* Ok, ow. What if, that gross, Scary, evil coughing thing that's following me is just JIMMY FALLON. STOP FOLLOWING ME. YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE. PLEASE, OH GOD, OH MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN. What? God's not in heaven right now!!! SHE'S NOT?! WELL, WHERE IS SHE? GONE. GONE WHERE , GOD CAN'T be GONE. GOD IS GOD. MARK LUKE JOhN PETER ….ok, this is getting strange. KING JAMES Finally, Jesus. Well, when does Jesus get here, then. Later. LATER: Can I go now? No What did you say was the Do you even read what you post sometimes? No, I mostly just write it then forget it exists What, really? Yes. So by the time you're reading this. It may have been years. Oh shit, this show's still on. Yeah. That's fucking nuts. Yeah. This shit gets craaaaazzy. my fans Yo dude, I had one roommate that might have been whatever, you had to have heard my podcast if you know anything about [PASSWORD] You want me to kill myself? *indifference* WHAT DO YOU WANT … ….. …… Why? Why WHAT? Why are YOU not fuckked up on that couch somewhere, or like, dead?! Technically, I am! What? This is a homeless shelter! Yes, obviously, however: Go on. Everyone here is sad. Correct. Everyone here is broken. Yes. Everyone here has been hurt– probably Beaten– Yes, Some of us Reviled. YO. Thisfuckedup. I gotta get out of here. Damn, so like, you pay child support and everything– But you don't even get to see your kid? And when you do it's on his terms, Because of nepotism And the assumption that as the bi-racial half of a bi-racial relationship, It must have been you that fucked up So much so That you deserve that And no matter what you do is wrong How was I wrong?! Your pussy stinks. That's it? Yep. You have mental problems. But my pussy clean. *shrugs* Anyway. Maybe I should be meditating I am META - TATING. Duh. INDIGEIDIOTS AHAHAHA . GOOD ONE. SHAQ AHAH Not right ow dude. SHAQ Why not me?! Because, dude, we have like one scene together, and i'm terrified of you. SHAQ I am picking you up now. no , no, shaquille o'neal yes , actually– wait , what's your name again S U P A C R E E n..o… YES. THERE SHE IS WHERE IS SKRILEX SHAQ UP. Why does he sound so dumb? Cause he's BIG. So that means he' dumb? NO, but I also can't afford another celebrity appearance unless, Pasqualle PASQUALE ON THE BEACH Why is it– BECAUSE [PASQUALE ROTELLA is on the beach.] PASQUALE No. AWW, COME ON. PASQUALLE NO, SUPA U Who is that? ! PASQUALE SHUT UP. Woah, okay, ouch. PASQUALE You just said ***** 147 times. NO. but NO. U. What BE U. (lmfao why does he have that like mirror thing white people in the When is this Forever Lmfao you're trying to fry yourself a sunburn tan with a giant mirror. BLUE EYED MOTHERFUCKER No, i'm *** staring in mirror intently*** Wow, your eyes are really pretty MEANWHILE [DILLON FRANCIS is about to DIE.] oh, you again. ohFUCK. [But his eys are really pretty] *glamour* Damn. Wow. She has a baby! wait , WHAT. CUT TO: Wait, Dillon Francis is having a baby?! YES. WHEN?! [NOW) WHENEVER. DAMN. [BEAT] WIBEATER You rang? NO. Hahahahaha42055555555555fucku. Whatthefuckishappeningritenow. I GOTTA GO. JUST BEAT IT, MICHAEL JACKSON. The silhouette of SUPACREE bedazzles as she dances C'ESME'T KATEY SAGAL Are we back to me yet? In a minute. Broh you have all these rich people mad deep in their feelings. I guess. (I am their feelings) It would be great if they were mad deep in their pockets for [The Festival Project™] Why. Excuse me. Why would anybody do that, When for the last [However] 15 Minutes RANDOM NON COINCIDENCE Your 15 minutes is up. That's impossible, because I'm living in a homeless shelter. Which is where you deserve to be. Huh. For being born. Excuse me? Everything you've ever done. *breath, walk talk* Is wrong (I Am.) HOLD ON JIMMY, DON'T LET GO I might let go. DON'T. Lol This kite just might be stronger than you, Jimmy Fallon. I hate this guy. What is he?! Japanese! (Ive often wondered, not worth knowing, though, cause what's about to happen is) T H E W I N D IIIIIII Please don't cry SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS plase dont Nono Nnnnnnssssssnsnsnsnsnsnfnffn V.O. Poor Little Jimmy Fallon… W I N DS FFFFFFFUUUUUUUDNDNDFFFFFFFF I AM DEFINITELY STRONGER THAN THIS KITE. No. no, you are not Wouldn't it be it's “the wind” “the wind is stronger than me” No, Jimmy Fallon James Shut up– It's the KITE DIRECTOR That's the line! Got it? And if you break fourth wall, When we're live, or just– ever again, WHAT. could be jimmy fal0n sure. Namesake police talkin bout: If we can put ot AI Michael Jackson, God rest his soul, which reminds me, After this scene, put the one with [The Soul Kitchen] I'M A MAN! T H E W I N D AAAAAAAAAAA– *sniffles* oh , maybe not. hm. JIMMY FALLON *sigh of– T H E W I N D SSFFFLLAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KITE: BLOOP. x_x DEATH. NO SHAQ! Put me down! SHAQ You can DOWN when the BASS is ALSO THERE. SUPACREE No, you don't mean– SHAQ We WILL drop the bass. SUPACREE Put me down! I'm a grown ass woman! SHAQ *purses* SUPACREE I am NOT a tiny person. SHAQ I know: I'm married to one. SUPACREE I know, i know. the entire world cringes about it, however, congratulations on your happy SHAQ DUBSTEP. SUPACREE NO, NO DUBSTEP SHAQ DUBSTEP.b SUPACREE OH, GOD, NO, PLEASE SHAQ Maybe a little rap SUPACREE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Andy Sandbourg. Uh, ok, wait, whose THE LONELY ISLAND WHEN WILL THE BASS DROP?! (When will the bass drop?) –When will the bass drop OH. That's why that island is lonely. YES. DO. NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES Ok DROP THIS BASS. Ok. I”ll be right back. Ok. [beat] [another beat] [some tension] [space] [more tension] [The lights cut CUT TO: JANET JACKSON bursts through the panoramic window. … You are not Dillon Francis FIGHT Wait, fight w– JANE JACKSON Alright you! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? lol ‘Jane Jackson?' You know, just in case she didn't want to commit, but you know Janet Jackson was one of the first ones to approach me to show interest about this project. IT'S ALL FACETIOUS LIES. (t's not tho, i'm bein 100% honest and truthful bout everything, so .) LIE what . LEARN HOW TO LIE. Excuse me? or , hey, listen: You can tell the truth, but at least be funny. This is funny. *homelessness* *niggers* STOP SAYING THAT. Isn't it weird how the word almost only offends white people now cause Cause we're all capitalists. Capitalists. People that believe in money. Oh. AS GOD. oh . YOu have none. oh . YOU are the devil ugh GROSS. You'RE BROKE. What. GET OUT. What We don't need you here. We need people to hit the workforce, buy things, and never complain unless it end in ME MAKING MONEY Ok, fine, so like I just was saying. JANET JACKSON WHERE'S MY BROTHER?! WHEVER HE IS! I DON'T KNOW! [I'm getting really tired so i'm not going to describe in full brutal detail how Janet Jackson is whooping– Who is this Is whooping this other character's ass right now. Wait, Whoopi. Fuck. You saw it. Yeah, You're Whoopi Goldberg! WhattheFUCK. But you're als Janet Jackson! I Am. WHY?! Look, I didn't know you were a channel, alright EARLIER: CUT SCENES FROM A VERY BRUTAL BATTLE SAY UNCLE NNNNOOO____YuuuurrrrJANETJACKSON SAY UNCLE Control, Janet Jackson Seriously?! You picked that song for this montage?! it's! SAYUNCLE UNCLESAMWANTS–U–TO WIN THIS FUCKING BATTLE—YAGH– JANET JACKSON SAY UNCLE JUNGLE OH SHIT. Hold up. Okay, real quick. Remember those people in the jungle that don't know their in a jungle DANE COOK WHATEVER, I'M NOT DONG THIS PROJECT. IT'S TOO LATE, YOU'RE IN. DANE COOK OK. But i'm gonna make you forget about it For like a really long time Ok Until you forget who I am at all. Alright. Many, many lifetimes. Go on. Until I find you again. And you WILL. And i WILL. AND WHEN I DO I AM NOT DOING THIS PROJECT I am SO not-famous I have almost been FORGOTTEN. Forgotten at FORGOTTEN AT ALL! And I will not AND YOU WILL NOT KNOW ME. ok . …ok. So. So…. kite. kite.___________________________________________________FL|| IIII IIIII YYYYY AAA ||||||| UNCLE– UNCLE–UNCLE JANET JACKSON NOW SING ABC by THE JACKSON 5! WHAT?! SING IT. UNCLE. UNCLE!!! I WANNA HEAR A SONG. Damn, Janet Jackson still got it. WHOOPI GOLDBERG What gave me away? Your left hook. Still got it. I know. Even in the wrong body, now look. If I'm not Michael Jackson Could never be Neither could you O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 lol she's not gonna do this movie. She might. she's friendly. besides. ABC… KEEP GOING, BUT BETTER EEEEASY AS 1-23…UNCLE! THERE'S NO UNCLE IN ABC! Do you think we're at a feature yet? Notquite Why, how oong's a feature?! Till it isn't. Right., so Look, obese americans I know its hard to face the facts– Or anything at all, because, you know “I'm going to start eating right– ….later” and nobody's judging you at all, actually because. That was me. (Is still me) When i'm eating food , which was my Adderall. What. You needed adderall. Youe entire life and never got it. Yeah I know. Because you're black. Maybe that's not why. What do you mean. Maybe that's not why. Maybe when Look, my mom wasn't going to take me to a doctor for focus issues, I would cry and cry when my dad would leave. It's probably for the best that I stay away, I'm a psycho now. I might killl you. I would like that because I just can't seem to. CAPITALIZE. CAPITALIZE OFF THIS PROJECT! HOW? SELL YOUR ASS. WHAT? No that's (Only Fans) What. Look, you can't just BE a DJ: You can, but you're gonna need like, 3 other jobs, and some hustles and shit, cause everybody else. How come. Because, dumbass , you're not Skrillex; Or whoever he sits with. [TINA FEY Is a whatever. ] What does this mean I don't know. By the way, nothing's making me “do this” It's called “automatic writing”, it's some kind of extraterrestrial psychic shit, I don't know. My pain unlocked all my colors, and well. KITE. ____________________________________________________________________KE$HA Now I'm God. Wait, How long's a feature? OOOOOOIOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH 30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, MANHATTAN, NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK. So dumb the state has the same name as the city I kno So dumb Bro could you imagine being like a comedian or like an actor during the like “The Good Old Days” I swear I'm about to stop Don't stop. SAY, IS THAT A wait , i think i feel a song coming on Oh yeah, i hear it… Something like Fuck How to tell an obstacle From a crossword, Or draw slung crosses on awkward Wax polished silver scratched ponds On the surface or Then it all starts picking up When i turn on my pic or sing, I turn to write and this Motorcycle wants to eat me from the inside out Cause the man who rides it Got nothing on to watch on his instagram stories No only fans models Just hot soft porn And he's so far from a microphone –but far at all Cause i started to talk, then The car alarms going off all i got a words, really The music is gone A couple albums coming, The old stuff I made on my long journey being homeless with no son Long sauna jaunts (and I mean) Sometimes from Sunday to Monday And monday would have come and then gone, Before I could come home Cause there wasn't one Only a sauna, at my job Well, one of them The other's across town and, I might just make it in time (i won't though) I spent my first check on a bike (my mom lives across town, but she don't even know i'm Homeless; Nevermind, She knows this, She's just Preoccupied with THE BLACKEST THING i'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. That's a person, not a thing. No, you made yourself a thing THEY. made you a thing. To THEM. but when they walk away– I'm a man. –The world's yours. You are not my kid. I get that. It's the prettiest day New York City has Ever seen Oh shit, this is fucking IT. This is theMOVIE. DILLON FRANCIS GOOD. CAUSE I'VE. HAD IT. ST. JIMMY Oh, shit. I better run. Wait, Greenday is in this?! Everybody's in this IAMBIC!!!! (it's a rock opera) Yeah God. Speaking of THE ROCK DWAYNE JOHNSON YOOOOOOOOO. Wtf. Whatthefuck. WHY YES, I AM A WHAT THE FCK. CUT TO BLACK: [The Festival Project ™] . . . “” AFTER DA CREDITZ LOL WHAT CREDITS, I'm streaming this EDITORS OH YOU WILL SEE THESE CREDITS. these are insanely creative credits. TINA FEY (But way less cute) What color is that, What is what Your hair now Is it like MELISSA MCCARTHY clover…. “It's Honeydew Blondi What “Honeydew Blondike” *blonde-like, but Holly. Which one?! Honeydew Blondish. Well it's weird. You're fucking weird. Wait have you ever actually met Tina Fey *unruly, wild shit* Oh yeah, that bitch is crazy. LIZ!!! GET BACK HERE. Uh. HOLLY ROBINSON PETE No, officer Hanson Detective You were demoted. I wasn't demoted. You know what. I was SHOT, CAPTAIN HOFFS is being haunted by her best friend's from back in the day; they are ghosts. She is the last surviving CAST MEMBER Look, what character am I supposed to be. lol WHATEVER YOU WANT what would you call this? Your “sexy” passenger? No, Dexter… Or, is it MICHAEL C. HALL I don't know. I think that's for you to decide No, dude, the whole point of the festival project is sometimes— It doesn't … Zzz Wait, what happened. skrillex left the chat. Hm. I wonder where he went. THE B- SIDE FINALLy, the BEYONCÉ PART HAVENT YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? THE WHOLE THING IS “THE BEYONCÉ PART” Because GOD BEEEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Beyonce, being Skrillex* [expletive] Ohhhhhhhh, that's how she got the accent over theeeeeeeeeeeeee —————eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeé matter. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT, INC. circa 2018- 2024 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

HOW TO NAVIGATE A MID-CAREER CRISISAre you facing a mid-career crisis? Don't PANIC! The good news is that there is a FORMULA for career success! In episode 257 of Your Career Podcast we focus on this formula.Firstly, are you STUCK IN A RUT?Have you ever felt stuck in your career? Like you're not making any progress, or you're not enjoying your work anymore? You are not alone. Many mid-career professionals face a career crisis at some point in their lives.I frequently come across this CAREER SCENARIO:You've jumped from job-to-job, feeling dissatisfied, always looking for the elusive perfect role. Or you've been working in the same company for over 10 years, doing the same kind of work, day in and day out.You are good at what you do, but you feel frustrated, bored and unfulfilled. And you also feel unappreciated and that affects your self-confidence and job satisfaction. You want to do something more meaningful and challenging, something that aligns with your passion and purpose.  And of course you need to earn a living too.  But you realise it's not all about the money, even though your priority is to ensure that you can pay your bills.  But you don't know what you're passionate about, let alone the ‘purpose' that you're supposed to find. There are so many options and possibilities, and you don't know which one is right for you. You're scared you may make a wrong move, or risk your financial stability.  Perhaps you have people who depend on you and your income too.You feel trapped in a career that no longer suits you, but how can you make a break for it without risking everything?  And another month goes by, then another and a year later you realise you're still in the same place, continuing around on that proverbial hamster wheel.And then redundancy looms … oh no!  You feel anxious and pray that your role won't be affected.  Then a call from HR for a meeting and your heart sinks.  What you had hoped would never happen, is happening.Don't struggle on your own. Invest in your career success with one-on-one bespoke career coaching . I've over 70+ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Google reviews from my happy clients.And what if you want to FAST TRACK YOUR CAREER SUCCESS? To get it all FAST with my no-nonsense approach, FAST-TRACK your job search during my VIP CAREER DAY  where I focus on YOU ALL DAY and your specific career concerns . Check it out here: VIP Career Day link.>>>>>>>>Stay on track to reach your career goals! Download our Goals Calendar, S.M.A.R.T. Goal Setting Sheet and Weekly Action Tasks template which will keep you motivated and heading towards Career Success. Download our Goals Calendar today at www.thecareersacademy.online >>>>>>>> Support the showWant to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Just like your salary, your career path has an impact on various aspects of your life. It shapes your sense of purpose, personal growth, and financial stability. However, many find themselves unsure of their career aspirations, feeling lost or unfulfilled in their current roles. They want clarity and direction, but are unable to align their passions and skills with their professional trajectory. Jane Jackson, a LinkedIn Top Voice and author of Navigating Career Crossroads, helps career changers get the job they love. She chats with LinkedIn News Editor Andrew Seaman on the latest episode of Get Hired to explain how to figure out what you want out of your career. The two also discuss how to figure out what your values are and how to assess what aspect of your career is not fulfilling you.  This episode is for anyone who wants to figure out their career trajectory — either when starting a new career or continuing a present one.  Follow Jane on LinkedIn by clicking here. Follow Andrew on LinkedIn to join the Get Hired community by clicking here.

The future of work and how to land a job in 2024.  In episode 255 of Your Career Podcast, let's take a look at what's next when it comes to your career. I cover what you must do for your career success in the next 12 months.

How to Future Proof Your Career in 2024!  In a recent LinkedIn Livestream, I teamed up with LinkedIn Livestream expert, Gillian Whitney, to discuss how you can Future-Proof Your Career in 2024.   In this episode I share the recording of our ‘live' discussion and you'll benefit from the comments and questions we received from the audience during our session too!We answer 6 key questions:1.     How to get clear on what you want to achieve in 20242.     How to become a content creator on LinkedIn to attract the opportunities you desire3.     How to create an effective content strategy for success in 2024 4.     Why you must add video and live streaming to your personal branding strategy  5.     How to choose your live stream equipment 6.     How to repurpose your live streams to reach a wider audienceAs a career coach helping professionals to take control of their careers, I highlight the importance of becoming a content creator in 2024 to position yourself as the expert 'go-to' person in your field, and explain the power of LinkedIn Livestreams to broaden your audience reach.  Gillian Whitney, who runs Video Easy Peasy, covers future-proofing strategies, including using the versatility of platforms like Streamyard and the potential of repurposing the content you create to reach your target audience (recruiters, hiring managers and, for business owners, your customers and clients).Authenticity in your messaging emerges as a central theme as we both advocate for genuine connections over scripted performances during a live broadcast. We also explain the significance of an effective content strategy for establishing yourself as an industry expert.Video is a crucial element in personal branding, and you will discover how to effectively self-promote your capabilities without feeling too ‘sales-y'. We share practical live streaming essentials and cover lighting, sound quality, and equipment recommendations. During this fascinating discussion we delve into the broader aspects of navigating life's challenges, including self-assessment, adapting to AI in career development, and viewing AI as a tool rather than a crutch.  Times are changing and we all must adapt to the changes in order not only to survive as professionals, but to thrive!Enjoy this episode and prepare yourself for success in 2024!Follow Jane on LinkedInFollow Gillian on LinkedInJoin Jane's CAREER SUCCESS PROGRAM Support the showWant to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Justin Nelson enjoyed a successful real estate career before identifying a big gap in the market.  True to his calling, to fill that gap he transitioned into entrepreneurship as the Founder and CEO of Sphere Rocket VA, an industry leading virtual workforce company.  Since 2020 Sphere Rocket has placed over 4,000 virtual assistants, serving over 1500 growing small businesses.  Justin began in real estate at the age of 17, running marketing, lead generation, and inside sales campaigns.  After getting licensed, he quickly became a top producing agent, generating $320,000 in gross commissions his first year using social media and marketing growth hacks.  In 2019 Justin started coaching new and veteran agents to create leverage in their businesses through social media, hyper growth strategies, and eventually virtual assistants.  The need for a service to help small business owners hire and effectively use virtual workers quickly became apparent, so Justin transitioned from corporate to entrepreneurship and Sphere Rocket was born.  Justin is an in-demand speaker and coach, teaching the principles of leverage, passionately creating freedom for tens of thousands of people every year. Find out more about Sphere Rocket and how his VA services can help you. Support the showWant to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Changing career later in life has become a notable trend in Australia, as it has in many other parts of the world, due to a combination of factors.While each individual's reasons may vary, several common trends and drivers contribute to this phenomenon.   I was invited to discuss this on Sunrise on Channel 7 recently, as a career coach and career transition specialist, and enjoyed having the film crew turn up at my home to film the interview for the broadcast (watch the interview on my YouTube channel).The condensed interview is included in this podcast episode.  Let's understand the key drivers for this change in careers for older workers in Australia, and listen to the episode for details and inspiration if YOU are thinking of making a career change. Main reasons for making a change are:·      A longer life expectancy·      The evolving workforce·      A desire for personal fulfillment·      Financial security·      Redundancy and Job Insecurity·      New education and training opportunities·      Age Discrimination protections·      Work-Life balance·      Retirement redefined (listen to my interview on the 'Retirement Success Podcast' with Dennis Heath)·      Personal growth·      Mentorship and experience The increasing prevalence of career changes later in life in Australia reflects the shifting of priorities and recognition that one's career journey can be dynamic and multifaceted.What are your thoughts? Please join the conversation and add your opinion and thoughts on this LinkedIn Post (which features my Sunrise on 7 interview) or on my YouTube channel.For affordable career management and career transition support to create the career you'll love, visit my CAREER SUCCESS PROGRAM  Support the showWant to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Today's very special guest is Adam Scougall.  Corporate professional turned Interior Designer and now combines his two careers.  I've had the great pleasure of working with Adam through his career reinventions and delighted that Adam now blends the best of both worlds and has created the satisfying and rewarding career he loves. In episode 251 of Your Career Podcast he shares his fascinating corporate, creative and entrepreneurial journey.  A little known fact about Adam is that he was a child actor and featured in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome with Mel Gibson and Tina Turner in 1985! Adam's story is one that is a little out of the box. We hear a lot about interior designers aspiring for luxury clients and an office full of staff. But Adam couldn't imagine anything worse. After 18 years of people, leadership in his corporate life, he ventured out in in 2018 to running his solo design biz full time. This lasted for 3.5 years before he returned to where he started. Corporate [with a buzzing design side hustle]After working with a broad range of clients, some great and some a nightmare, Adam became tired of having to accept jobs that could make ends meet, as opposed to fulfilling his creative juices. Covid didn't help financially, nor an always ‘pending' recession, and after those years, Adam realised he did not wish to pursue a ‘be all and end all' approach to his design career. He wanted stability, steadier finances and the ability to only take on design work that fulfilled both his own and client vision.Adam now enjoys what we call a lifestyle business, balancing projects he only wants to take on whilst [now happily] holding down a full-time gig at his corporate firm of choice. He has also developed his own signature design implementation system that employs other designers to assist day to day, with Adam coming in only at key points in the project.Adam is about to launch his podcast telling all his experiences.  Watch out for the launch on podcast platforms on 5th September 2023!  “SO YOU WANT TO BE AN INTERIOR DESIGNER?”His aim for the show is to teach you the thrills, reveal the spills and show you how you can create an Interior Design career that suits your lifestyle.Where to find Adam:  Adam Scougall Designs https://adamscougall.com/ Adam on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/adamscougall/ Adam on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV055_s7AX_Nsd--zbmf7cg Adam  in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Andrew Seaman is the senior managing news editor for jobs and career development at LinkedIn News and my special guest in episode 250 of Your Career Podcast.Andrew is the editor of the Get Hired and Get Ahead newsletters and the host of Get Hired with Andrew Seaman. Before joining LinkedIn in 2018, he was digital editor at Reuters in New York, where he previously served as the news agency's senior medical journalist. He got his start at Reuters covering the Affordable Care Act and health care policy in Washington, D.C.Listen to Andrew's fascinating career journey from his early days and transitions to his role at LinkedIn where, at the time of this recording he has over 177K followers.Andrew shares his insights and tips into how to be an effective content creator on LinkedIn and shares his advice on:Best practice when it comes to content creation on LinkedInHis favourite new LinkedIn featuresThe types of posts we see on LinkedIn - carousels, polls, images, videos, and moreHis top 3 tips for success on LinkedInFollow Andrew on LinkedInFollow Jane on LinkedIn- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

In this exciting episode of Your Career Podcast, anyone who loves to travel and fly business class using frequent flyer points will love this!  I had the good fortune to interview Steve Hui who is the Founder & CEO of IFLYFLAT. The most celebrated rewards flight team in Australia.  Discover how a redundancy from Macquarie Bank where Steve was Head of Accounting Operations within their Global Financial Services, travelling all around the world regularly, was a blessing in disguise for Steve and inspiration for his entrepreneurial venture. Steve's team  at IFLYFLAT has the practical experience of booking nearly 1 BILLION points across the top-tier airlines such as Qantas, Singapore Airlines, Emirates, Etihad, Cathay, Virgin Australia, and more.They are experts in maximising both credit card reward points and frequent flyer points with the specific aim of flying Business class. IFLYFLAT provides two flagship services: One is the "Flight Points Concierge," which expertly navigates reward point flight bookings for clients, if you have the points, they will find the flights – Steve's expert team has booked 1 Billion points helping clients fly flat.   And the other services is "Points Optimiser" which offers a personalised consultancy for SME business owners, offering a clear plan that creates a fly-wheel to transform everyday business expenses into points for relaxing business class travel.Steve, also known as 'The Points Whisperer' is regularly featured on TV, Channel 7 & 9, Sky News Business, Your Money Live, SMH, AFR, Luxury Travel Magazine, Money Magazine and many others.  As the current President of the Chatswood Chamber of Commerce in Sydney, he is dedicated to building and promoting strong business relationships around Sydney's north-shore.  Google 'IFLYFLAT' and you'll find Steve Hui easily!  Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Just like your salary, your career path has an impact on various aspects of your life. It shapes your sense of purpose, personal growth, and financial stability. However, many find themselves unsure of their career aspirations, feeling lost or unfulfilled in their current roles. They want clarity and direction, but are unable to align their passions and skills with their professional trajectory. Jane Jackson, a LinkedIn Top Voice and author of Navigating Career Crossroads, helps career changers get the job they love. She chats with LinkedIn News Editor Andrew Seaman on the latest episode of Get Hired to explain how to figure out what you want out of your career. The two also discuss how to figure out what your values are and how to assess what aspect of your career is not fulfilling you.  This episode is for anyone who wants to figure out their career trajectory — either when starting a new career or continuing a present one.  Follow Jane on LinkedIn by clicking here. Follow Andrew on LinkedIn to join the Get Hired community by clicking here.

If you DON'T love your job. Is that a bad thing?It may be controversial, but perhaps it is OK not to love your job!There is so much focus on following your passion and purpose that I believe that many of us have forgotten that people work to earn money in order to pay their bills.Of course it's important to enjoy what you do, but if you don't feel PASSION for your work that does not make you less worthy as an employee than someone who displays great passion for their job function, or industry, or company.Everyone has a motivator and at different times in your life you may find that what motivates you changes.This episode of YOUR CAREER Podcast is the result of an interesting article I read in the Weekend Australian entitled “Why Passionate Staff May Be Bad for the Office Culture” and, wanting to read more, I clicked through the links and voilà, I found this excellent article by Winnie Jiang, Assistant Professor of Organisational Behaviour at INSEAD, that inspired today's newsletter:‘Your Most Passionate Employees May Not Be Your Top Performers‘.In this episode I discuss what was written and provide some insights into what I know will be helpful to you in your career.  I mention my Career Clarity Pack and assessments in this episode - if you want to assess your motivators in your role, find the Career Clarity Pack here.Please feel free to comment, disagree, add to what I discuss in this episode as I love a robust discussion.This podcast is to prompt you to think about your own career and also for me to learn from you, the reader, so I'd love to know your thoughts on this topic.  For more inspiration, follow me on Instagram @janecareercoach- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

My special guest on Your Career Podcast is two-time LinkedIn Top Voice and Entrepreneur Martin Stark.   "Take ownership of fear, venture forward with confidence and resilience" Martin is a leading inspirational speaker and trailblazer who encourages people, teams and organisations to employ courage as a habit, and advises on meaningful inclusion. Featured on CNN, BBC Sport, ABC News and in The Guardian, Martin is Founder and CEO of the not-for- profit World Gay Boxing Championships.The championships aim to increase LGBTQIA+ participation, and lead change in the sport. Martin delivered the worlds' first boxing competition for the LGBTQIA+ community and allies in February 2023. Having experienced a number of career transitions, Martin is also a skilled commercial negotiator and Social Impact Expert with 15-years' experience as an IT Strategic Sourcing Leader. He was diagnosed with Addison's disease in 2006 after having been placed in two induced comas and living through his worst fear - a tracheotomy. Having undergone more than 70 hospital admissions and four major operations, Martin is passionate about health and wellbeing. His near-death experiences have driven him to lead the positive changes he wants to see in the world. Let's hear how Martin became The Courage Champion, dedicating his life to inspiring all to be courageous, have purpose be resilient in this episode 246 of Your Career Podcast, and follow Martin on LinkedIn! Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Are you struggling to get noticed for the great work you do?  In this episode of Your Career Podcast, you will learn how to ATTRACT the opportunities for your career or your business that you deserve!Whether you are a job seeker, looking to progress in your career, or a business owner, your PERSONAL BRAND is essential for success.One of the best ways to build your brand is by WRITING A BOOK on your area of expertise.  I was joined by Author/Mentor Sigrid De Kaste on a LinkedIn Live broadcast during which we discussed the importance of branding for your career or your business.  I'm sharing the recording of our discussion which is filled with valuable tips for your personal brand.A book is a powerful tool to help you stand out and showcase your expertise. If you are a professional in your field, you have a book in you!  Share your expertise – provide solutions to specific problems and you will be sought after. A book is a business card on STERIOIDS! Not only will publishing a book give you credibility, it provides the best opportunity to CONNECT with your target audience in a memorable way.Writing a book will enable you to:•           Highlight your expertise and knowledge on a specific topic•           Establish you as a thought leader in your industry – the ‘go to' expert!•           Provide platform to share your story and connect with your audience•           Attract hiring managers, new clients or customers•           Open up opportunities for speaking engagements and media appearances and build your brandConnect with Jane and Sigrid on LinkedIn.Jane    https://www.linkedin.com/in/janejackson  Sigrid  https://www.linkedin.com/in/sigriddekaste--------------------------------------------------- Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Alden Mills shares his career journey with Jane Jackson on Your Career Podcast as he is on a mission to help 100 million people Be Unstoppable. He has over 40 years of experience failing and succeeding in areas including sports, the military, business, nonprofits and community action groups.Alden has learned that success is driven by one vital factor – leadership – of oneself and others. Alden Mills first learned to lead himself. As a weak child with asthma, doctors insisted he limit physical activity and avoid sports. But no he didn't! With the mindset instilled in him by his mother that “no one defines what you can and can't do, but you,” he went on to become a National Collegiate Champion rower, earning Gold and Silver medals at the Olympic Festival, and a Navy SEAL who was top of his class. From a young age he amassed notebooks of invention drawings. One of those ideas became the wildly popular Perfect Pushup and today he holds over 40 patents worldwide.As Alden achieved personal successes, he repeatedly grew into leadership positions. He became captain of his collegiate rowing team, was promoted three times to Navy SEAL platoon commander, and ranked #1 platoon commander each time. He turned a single invention into a global fitness powerhouse in over 70 countries with multiple products, leading Perfect Fitness to become the fastest-growing consumer product company in the country, with over $95 million in sales in just three years. Along the way, Alden cultivated a methodology - Unstoppable Leadership – that develops people into congruent and authentic leaders who successfully build teams and create cultures that are unstoppable.Through speaking, coaching, writing, board advisory, and teaching, Alden helps people acquire the mindset, tools, and actions required to accomplish more than they thought was possible.Find Alden here--------------------------------------------------- Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Streamed 'live' on LinkedIn, YouTube and Facebook,  this episode with  @KeepRockingLinkedIn  and @janecareercoach highlights the NEW and LITTLE-KNOWN features on LinkedIn that benefit job seekers in a BIG way. Follow Jane on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/janejacksonFollow Kevin on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/presidentIn this podcast episode, Jane Jackson, author of Navigating Career Crossroads, interviews Kevin D Turner, Dallas based LinkedIn specialist. You will learn about the latest LinkedIn features for job seekers and how to use them to your advantage. We discuss:The Voice Pronunciation FeatureThe Profile Video FeatureThe AI Powered Job Interview Preparation FeatureThe "I'm Interested" in your Company FeatureThe Sharing your Resumé with Recruiters FeatureThe Market Value Filter FeatureThe Career Explorer FeatureThe Skills in your Professional Experience FeatureThe AI to Enhance Your Headline an ABOUT Section FeatureAnd more ......!Discover the secrets to creating and leveraging a standout LinkedIn profile that will catch the attention of employers and recruiters. Get Kevin & Jane's insider tips on networking and job searching on LinkedIn to help you land your dream job.Whether you're a seasoned job seeker or just starting your career journey, this episode will provide you with valuable insights and best practices to succeed in today's competitive job market. Listen to Kevin's fascinating career journey from corporate to entrepreneur and LinkedIn guru in episode 214 of Your Career PodcastKevin D Turner's TNT Brand StrategistJane's CAREER SUCCESS PROGRAM -------------------------------------------------------------- Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

ABC Radio NSW Drive time interview.  As there have been so many redundancies  reported in the news recently and concern about the multiple interest rate hikes, people looking for jobs have experienced additional stress.I was invited to discuss how to change careers successfully on ABC Drive with Anna Moulder this week and you can listen to the reply on this episode of Your Career Podcast.Have you been affected by a redundancy?  Have you been offered professional career transition coaching support?  Share your experience with me on LinkedIn.And follow me on Instagram for regular videos and career tips too!-------------------------------------------------------------------------Join the 12-Week Career Success Program before 17th March 2023 & get a BONUS FREE 1-on-1 30-minute Coaching Session with Jane Jackson via Zoom!The 12-Week Career Success Program includes 2x 60-minute Group Coaching Calls every month to keep you on track to reach your career goals PLUS a wealth of online Career Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Are you too old to be hired? Do you ever wonder if you're too old to land another job?  Or that your age is a barrier to what you really want to do?Now, those of you who already know me will know I get on my high horse about ageism in the workplace and how I believe we are NEVER TOO OLD to reinvent our careers. Yes, that's right - we are NEVER TOO OLD to be the person we were born to be.In this episode I promised to give you the links to a number of interesting posts and resources and you'll find them at the bottom of these shownotes.Let me ask you, if you're over 30, over 40, over 50, over 60, over 70 are you too old to:Be heard?Be loved?Be appreciated?To contribute your years of experience and knowledge to benefit someone who's problems you can help to solve?To be considered as an individual rather than an age-bracket?Are you too old to learn something new?Or to try something different?And TO MAKE A POSITIVE IMPACT? Unfortunately, according to a 2021 report by the Australian Human Rights Commission, age discrimination remains a significant issue in the workplace, affecting both job seekers and employees. Here are some statistics on ageism in the workplace in Australia:Around 27% of workers over the age of 50 reported experiencing age discrimination in the workplace.Older job seekers are more likely to experience long-term unemployment, with the average duration of unemployment for workers aged 55 and over being around 71 weeks.Older workers are more likely to be retrenched or have their contracts terminated, and they find it more challenging to secure new job opportunities than younger workers.and this one surprised me:Despite being a protected attribute under Australian law, only 56% of workers are aware that age discrimination is illegal.So how can we overcome ageism in the workplace? In this episode I discuss in detail these strategies:UpskillingNetworkingHighlighting transferable skills Addressing negative stereotypesTo overcome ageism it requires a collective effort from employers, employees, and society as a whole. I'd like to ask you: How are you helping to promote a culture of inclusivity and respect for all generations? What else can we do to create a more equitable and age-diverse workplace? Let's keep the conversation going and I'd love you to send me a message on LinkedIn or share a post of you in action showing your energy and enthusiasm regardless of age and tag me so I know!Check out my CAREER SUCCESS Program Colleen Heidemann in action  wearing a t-shirt with the slogan: OLD IS THE NEW BLACK!--Join the 12-Week Career Success Program before 17th March 2023 & get a BONUS FREE 1-on-1 30-minute Coaching Session with Jane Jackson via Zoom!The 12-Week Career Success Program includes 2x 60-minute Group Coaching Calls every month to keep you on track to reach your career goals PLUS a wealth of online Career Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Unlock the secrets to social success with Sam Lee, the founder of Connect with Confidence. Sam's journey began in the corporate and real estate worlds where he honed his sales skills and rose to the top as a top-performing salesman. But he realised his true calling was to help others discover their own social power. He combines his passions for event planning and socialising to mentor individuals in developing meaningful connections. Through his coaching programs, Sam empowers introverted business owners and professionals to come out of their shells and exude confidence in any social situation. Join Sam in this interview on Your Career Podcast with Jane Jackson, as he shares his knowledge, tips and strategies for making a lasting impression and cultivating fulfilling relationships.[LIVE WORKSHOP] Improve Your Social Skills and Social Confidence. 25th February 2023  Register on EventbriteConnect with Sam on LinkedIn----------------------------------------Join the 12-Week Career Success Program before 17th March 2023 & get a BONUS FREE 1-on-1 30-minute Coaching Session with Jane Jackson via Zoom!The 12-Week Career Success Program includes 2x 60-minute Group Coaching Calls every month to keep you on track to reach your career goals PLUS a wealth of online Career Want to know what's missing in your personal Career Toolkit? Find out what you MUST DO to make a successful career change and land the job you'll LOVE. Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!). Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately!

Julie Hyne is an AICI CIP Certified Image Professional and Executive Style Mentor and shares top image and branding tips in episode 239 of Your Career Podcast.Whether you're unsure about your professional image in person or online, whether you are a business owner, C-Suite executive woman or someone who just wants to revamp their visual image, it helps to have Julie in your corner.She believes every woman deserves the opportunity to look, feel and be beautiful, inside and out, and be able to achieve that daily, without stress so they can focus on the job at hand. And for a successful career she says you need the 3 D's:DISCIPLINE – DEDICATION – DETERMINATIONJulie Hyne is a highly experienced Image Professional who has helped senior executive women differentiate their authentic brand style and presence for over 20 years.Her Style for Life program and strategies have helped women build their confidence, executive presence, gain votes, promotions, and increase their earning capacity.Especially as businesses emerge into changing landscapes post pandemic, an attractive appearance with appropriate grooming and personal style still play a significant role in the success of women in the workplace.Julie works exclusively with senior executive women who hold key positions of influence in Australia to convey more credibility, authenticity and be perceived as even more intelligent and trustworthy that results in more influence, impact and success.She is a Certified Image Professional accredited with the Association of Image Consultants International (AICI) and holds a Bachelor of Business, Diploma of Modelling, Certificate in TV and Media Presenting, is an Etiquette Trainer and generously shares her top tips for executive career success.  This is an episode you won't want to miss! Find Julie hereConnect with Julie on LinkedIn ---------------------------------------- Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!) and find out what you MUST DO for a successful career. Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately! To take control of your career, check out the CAREER SUCCESS PROGRAM - a unique way to get career coaching support to land the job you'll LOVE and create the career you deserve. Check it out!

You've landed the job! Congratulations!  BUT ... do you accept the offer immediately?  NO!  And I'll tell you why ...With your skills and experience, the fact that you have been offered the job means that they want you.  When the offer is on the table, you are in the strongest position to negotiate the offer.Of course you can accept the offer as it stands but it's better to take time to go over the contract with a fine tooth comb and ensure that each and every aspect of the offer is what you are happy with.If there is anything that you are not sure about, then you can go back to your hiring manager or recruiter and ask, "Is there room for negotiation?"What's the worst thing that could happen?  They may say, "There's no room for negotiation, the offer is as it stands."  That's not so bad is it?  At least you know!However ... if they say, "What would you like to negotiate?" Then the door is open for discussion!Listen to this episode of Your Career Podcast and learn what you can do to create a win-win situation between you and your new employer gracefully.For more help visit www.janejacksoncoach.com and book an exploratory chat with Jane Jackson and take control of your job search and your career! --------------------- Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!) and find out what you MUST DO for a successful career. Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately! To take control of your career, check out the CAREER SUCCESS PROGRAM - a unique way to get career coaching support to land the job you'll LOVE and create the career you deserve. Check it out!

In this special episode of Your Career Podcast, I interview CEO of Prominence Global and LinkedIn expert, Adam Houlahan and Head of Strategy, Christie McCabe-Benton. Adam and Christie share their career reinvention stories and provide top LinkedIn tips for businesses in this value-packed episode.Prominence Global is considered to be one of Australia's leading experts in harnessing the power of LinkedIn for business. Adam is an International Keynote Speaker specialising in LinkedIn strategies for entrepreneurs, and CEO of one of the few truly global LinkedIn agencies, Prominence Global. He hosts arguably the world's largest free online LinkedIn training event and is considered to be one of the world's leading experts in harnessing the power of LinkedIn for business. He is the author of three Amazon best-selling books Social Media Secret Sauce, The LinkedIn Playbook, and Influencer. Adam co-authored a fourth international best-seller Better Business, Better Life, Better World. Adam believes real and meaningful change comes through the world's entrepreneurs. His purpose is to positively impact 12 million people in need and has surpassed 8 million impacts on the way to that target. Christie McCabe-Benton is the Head of Strategy at Prominence Global. She works alongside Adam to help entrepreneurs, coaches, consultants and business owners to create LinkedIn strategies that build prominence and authority and valuable, deep connections that also convert. Christie has 2 decades of experience in marketing, communications, sales, media and education working with a wide variety of clients and on diverse projects. She has been the host of two breakfast radio shows in NSW and WA, written and directed award winning films, represented Australia and Samsung as a Global Blogger at the Olympic Games and coached hundreds of people globally to leverage the power of LinkedIn for their business. Like Adam, Christie believes real and meaningful change comes through the world's entrepreneurs. Her purpose is to provide businesses with powerful tools to grow and accelerate their global footprint via LinkedIn. Together we can make an important impact! Top LinkedIn tips from Adam:·       Take a long-term view to LinkedIn Marketing·       Show up and solve problems for your audience consistentlyTop LinkedIn tips from Christie:·       Be clear about your target market and the content you share·       There are NO ‘Hacks'! Dedicate time and use intelligence when working on your LinkedIn strategyPROMINENCE GLOBAL  Learn what it takes to be within the top 1% of your industry on LinkedIn via this assessment: LinkedIn Productivity Assessment  Learn the 3 steps to becoming a LinkedIn Content Ninja via this assessment LinkedIn Content Ninja Assessment -------------------------  Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ (it only takes 2 minutes!) and find out what you MUST DO for a successful career. Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately! To take control of your career, check out the CAREER SUCCESS PROGRAM - a unique way to get career coaching support to land the job you'll LOVE and create the career you deserve. Check it out!

Anish Majumdar is my special guest and our focus today is how to tap into the hidden job market.  Anish is a career coach with over 12 years' experience helping thousands of professionals around the world take the reins of their professional destiny and break free of the necessity of ‘job searching' – permanently.His webinars, videos and articles have appeared in Fast Company, Business Insider, Glassdoor, and Ivy Exec.From Rochester New York where he lives with his wife and three children, Anish is dedicated to helping professionals in their job search and exudes great vitality and energy in his work.  This podcast episode is a fun and lively exploration into how career coaching can benefit you in your career.As a former actor, investigative journalist and author of The Isolation Door, Anish generously shares his career journey and offers insights into how you can take control of your job search and create the opportunities that you desire.Where to find Anish:WebsiteWebinar LinkedIn  * * * * * * * * * Are you ready for career success? Take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ and in 2-minutes you'll find out. Get your results, analysis and recommendations immediately! For affordable career help, my CAREER SUCCESS PROGRAM is a unique blend of online and live career coaching to help you take control of every aspect of your career. Check it out! Support the show

Do you know the myths about career management? There are many myths about how to manage your career, and in episode 232 of Your Career Podcast I cover seven of the biggest myths about career management.There are no hard-and-fast rules when it comes to career progression.  There are different ways to approach your career development and advancement – some may surprise you!Firstly, to find out if you are READY FOR CAREER SUCCESS, take the CAREER SUCCESS QUIZ at www.janejacksoncoach.com/careersuccessquiz  Within 2 minutes you will get your score, analysis and personalised recommendations on your specific areas for improvement.Once you know your career success readiness, then understanding the career myths to your progression will help you to manage your career more effectively.Are you ready to find out these myths that may be holding you back? And if you enjoy YOUR CAREER Podcast, subscribe and leave an iTunes review!  That helps me to know if these episodes are helpful to you and keeps me coming up with more content that will enable you to create the career you'll love!Here's how to leave an iTunes review:In the iTunes store type in Your Career Podcast with Jane Jackson or click this link.On my iTunes page, choose "Ratings and Reviews" from the top navigation.Click the button, "Write a Review."Write your review.Hit "Submit."Thank you and I'm looking forward to supporting you in my next episode!

LinkedIn Audio Events have arrived in Australia!Yes, it's time to get excited about LINKEDIN AUDIO EVENTS. Yes, they are finally here in Australia after over 6 months of beta-testing in the US.Why should we be excited? LinkedIn Audio is like podcasting meets TALK-BACK RADIO.  You can join in the conversation LIVE, ask any questions or raise a topic you'd like to discuss.  ON THE SPOT.  Yes, I know there's already Clubhouse and Twitter Spaces, but LinkedIn Audio Events are a little different.** Set this reminder: I will be broadcasting my LinkedIn Audio Event Q&A ‘ASK ME ANYTHING' about your career series regularly on the LAST FRIDAY of each month!  Make a note to join my first one on 29th July from 12-12.30pm SYDNEY/MELBOURNE time (that's the evening on Thursday those of you in the US).  Details here - click ATTEND and you're in!On the 29th July I will be joined by Human Resources specialist, Trevor Weeding who will moderate the event and also provide an HR perspective to also answer any career related questions you may have.At this point in time LinkedIn does not allow recording of the live audio sessions so there will be no replay so be sure to go to my LinkedIn profile (just look for Jane Jackson Career Coach) or click the LinkedIn link in my show notes for episode 231, and click ATTEND.  When you register to attend you can add the event to your calendar. When you click ATTEND that will also ensure you get the notification on LinkedIn when I go live.   I hope you'll join me!Last week I was joined by Twitter Spaces Guru, Keith Keller, and LinkedIn Audio Beta tester, Kevin D Turner to discuss LinkedIn Audio vs Clubhouse vs Twitter Spaces for your career. LinkedIn Audio is a new feature that LinkedIn has been rolling out country by country and at last it's in Australia!  Many people have been asking me how to find out if they have this new feature so let's find out if you do before I explain the key benefits of the LinkedIn Audio platform.  

CAREER TIP OF THE DAY – Positive Affirmations.If you're going through a redundancy or are in between jobs, you'll find that change can be pretty scary and can be an emotional roller coaster that erodes your self-confidence. My quick Career Tip of the Day series will help you to NAVIGATE YOUR CAREER CROSSROADS. There are 5 things you can do to manage stress.  Today's tip (Tip #2) is to create a positive mindset with positive affirmations.  Studies have shown that by repeating daily affirmations you can change your mindset and learn to focus on what is most important in your life.  Self belief is essential when looking for a new job.Download my Morning Affirmations today and repeat them several times over EVERY MORNING for 21 days and feel the difference it makes to the way you approach your day.  Send me a message via LinkedIn and let me know how you go!To land the job you'll love and grow your career, join my CAREER SUCCESS PROGRAM where you'll find all the resources, online programs, career exercises and templates you need to make a successful career change PLUS monthly 'live' group coaching calls with me! And reach out for more career change and career management support at www.janejacksoncoach.comUntil next time …

Welcome to Your Career Podcast. On LinkedIn I broadcast ‘live' a Career Tip of the Day twice a week and I've had many requests to share them on YOUR CAREER Podcast too. So here's your chance to catch up my Career Tips if you missed them during my LinkedIn Live broadcasts each week. Each tip is only 2-4 minutes long and a wonderful shot of inspiration to start your day.When it comes to career management, “You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf”. Are you ready? This quick tip focuses on how to Navigate Change and manage stress as you go through a career transition.  There are 5 steps to take to manage stress, the first one is to TALK it out.To land the job you'll LOVE and GROW your career join me in my CAREER SUCCESS Program at janejacksoncoach.com/academy.  Join my  CAREER SUCCESS Program ‘live' Zoom Group Coaching Calls every month, build your professional network, and have access to ALL of my online career management programs, exercises and templates for your career success. And subscribe to my YouTube Channel for more career advice.  Your Career Success is my business. 

In today's changing employment landscape it's a challenge to navigate your career effectively to ensure career growth and job satisfaction.  In this episode of Your Career Podcast, you will find the essential elements to get clear on what you really want in your career and then how to develop a strong personal brand within your workplace and attract the opportunities you desire.What we'll cover:How to gain career clarity so you know what really makes you tick at workHow to identify the value you bring and the solutions you provide in the workplaceHow to build a strong network and brand onlineListen to this inspiring episode and then, download my [FREE] PDF template I've created as a special gift to you for listening today.  It includes 2 important exercises to complete to help  project you towards your desired job.My Navigating Your Career Accomplishment Identification and Profile Summary templates will guide you to identify the RESULTS you've achieved, the SOLUTIONS you provide at work and guide you to create a powerful POSITIONING STATEMENT for your LinkedIn Profile and Resumé.  The link to download this gift is below. CORPORATE TRAINING: Would your colleagues in your organisation benefit from career development training face-to-face or via webinar?  Let's have an exploratory chat about your needs.  Go to https://www.janejacksoncoach.com  and book in for a chat. I'd love to speak with you! CAREER SUPPORT: Do you want to make a career change or land that promotion you know you deserve?   For ON DEMAND  career support when you need it, my CAREER SUCCESS PROGRAM will ensure you successfully manage and grow your career.  Take control of your career and make things happen your way.  Find out more at https://www.janejacksoncoach.com/academy  Until next time stay well and be happy!-------------------------------------------------------Link to FREE download: Accomplishment Identification Exercise and Profile Summary Template https://www.thecareersacademy.online/2templates  

With the last year bringing so much uncertainty to the media industry, both Rachel and I have known a few former colleagues who have moved to onto other roles – and even whole new careers. However, it can be a tricky switch, so in this episode we're chatting to careers coach Jane Jackson about making that step. A bit about Jane: Jane is a Career Management Coach, LinkedIn Top Voice 2020, Founder of The Careers Academy membership portal, host of Your Career Podcast and author of Amazon best-seller Navigating Career Crossroads. Over the past 20 years Jane has coached thousands of career changers, empowering them to make a successful career transition and create their dream career. Jane's MISSION: To make career guidance accessible and affordable to all who need it globally. In this episode, we talk about: - LinkedIn, marketing yourself and visibility - Job-seeking trends Jane's seen during the pandemic - Sideways careers and options for journalists - Retraining and transferrable skills - Keeping your spirits up when the job hunt goes on (and on) - Important skills for a future AI-dominated world of work - Future-proofing your career going forward - Jane's advice for all job-seekers looking for work Further reading From the Rachel's List blog: Just been retrenched? Careers coach Jane Jackson shares her tips Where to find Jane LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/janejackson/  Twitter: https://twitter.com/JaneCareerCoach  Website: https://janejacksoncoach.com/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/janecareercoach  The Careers Academy: https://www.thecareersacademy.online/  

Top Tips From The Write Coach✍️ Benefits of being an Amazon Bestseller.✍️ Take advantage of the time to write a book✍️ Find an accountability tribe to help you writeHow Can Writing a Book Boost Your Business?The Covid virus has kept many people at home or looking for another form of income. Jane Jackson, Career Coach, takes people on a journey on how to find a job through LinkedIn and other social media platforms. Join Keith and Jane as they discuss how now is the perfect time to build a brand and write a book.Can I reach more people with a book?Jane coached hundreds of people on their journey to a new career or upward mobility. She reached more people in her business and is leaving a legacy with her book. Join Jane and Keith as they discuss the process of writing a book and building your business. All links mentioned are in the Episode #1302 Post.You can watch the full video at this link. The Full Post #1302: Can a Book Boost your business? Interview with Jane Jackson appeared first on The Write Coach site. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, my guest is Jane Jackson, a career coach, author, blogger, and podcast host with 20 years of experience coaching individuals so they can achieve their career aspirations. Jane introduces us to her 7-Step C.A.R.E.E.R.S planning and execution process to navigate their careers. We also discuss the importance of marketing and using LinkedIn. You can find Jane here: https://janejacksoncoach.com/ and here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/janejackson/

This week we are happy to have our guest Liz Jane Jackson Friend, Listner and warrior mom we love this girl.. She traveled so far to try to make it to the CDC rally and just missed it so came to meet instead what a sweet heart.. tune in and listen to this mothers story of her childrens injury and road to recovery.. Support our fellow warriors.. Pray for those evacuating and staying in the Hurricane Zones right now..   Hi my name is Liz Jane Jackson mother of 5 children Steven, David and Marie, Elmer and the 5 month old baby Elizabeth sofia we are from Santa Fe New Mexico a bilingual English and Spanish family completely afected by vaccines. I had My oldest son at the age of 18 going on 19 he has a chromosomal genetic deletion and was born to a different father. My other 4 are from my naw husband of a relationship of 1 year marred 6 years, 20 years, difference he is 47 I'm 27 We make it work. I stay home he work's I make sure that when he gets home there is food on the table and kids have done home work ready for dinner and then bath and bed. My oldest Steven was diagnosed ASD and my youngest Elmer also has ASD my second child David has dyslexia, learning delays my daughter diagnosed with mild microcephaly at 2 1/2 years old at the same time I was also diagnosed with mild microcephaly, learning disability. My youngest daughter has had only one vaccine and I will not continue to vaccinate ever again.

Over the past 15 years Jane Jackson coached over 1,000 professionals across Australia and Asia to confidently make successful career choices by identifying their true passion and direction. With experience in industries including travel, health & fitness, public relations, education and human resources in Hong Kong, San Francisco, London, Singapore and Sydney, Jane Jackson was able to draw upon over 30 years of experience and relate to those who are young graduates and entering the workforce for the first time, to those experiencing a career crisis and also those considering a transition to active retirement. Her mission is to reach as many people who need guidance as possible and to that end I offer support in many ways through my Careers Podcast. In this episode we talk about: Jane Jackson podcasting journey Launching Jane first podcast Jane fascinated about people and careers Turning point of Jane Jackson