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Hello! I posted this video to one of the largest groups of its kind that I know of in the world, "Michiganders Against Excessive Quarantine" that has grown to 275,000+ people in just a few days on Facebook over this weekend. Will you start a similar group in your area? Here are some thoughts on how we can empower ourselves for freedom going forward: 0:00 - Introduction 3:20 - Where I'm coming from 9:28 - Billionaire Jim Rogers 2017 economic prediction to me on "Believe" & preparing for possible "2nd wave" coming in 2020 15:10 - How to send love to "both sides" 18:20 - Dealing with the things happening in the world now, thriving in difficult times 20:33 - Events and reactions by governments going on worldwide right now (Michigan, California, Poland, Russia, Hong Kong & more) 27:14 - Elon Musk, Google VP's public plan for the world, "Post Human Future" in mainstream news, microchipping humans on local NBC news 29:10 - You have choices for freedom that you are not yet aware of (it's not about "evil", it's about "options") 31:32 - The government works for the people, remember that 35:49 - An "open source search engine" where you can choose how you want your uncensored information delivered to you 36:38 - A Frequency Bill of Rights - You have the right to know what frequencies are affecting you - 5G, WiFi and more 37:47 - "Information is the real currency" - an alternative to be controlled by money, digital currencies, governments, cryptocurrencies and "universal income" 38:43 - How to take care of yourself in 2020 and beyond: free energy, open source 3D printers, food in a pill, the right to seeds 39:20 - Free energy + open source 3D printers = no more poverty (print what you need, do what you love instead of working for a digital database entry called "money") 41:31 - Information as currency eliminates issues with trust and fairness from "money" as a scarce organizational structure 43:05 - The Borg (Star Trek) vs. R2D2 (Star Wars) - You do not have to become a machine - open source robots (programmed 100% by you), vegan robots (human-friendly), 100% private 46:39 - The non-linear process of freedom, different opinions, and the hypocrisy in all of us 48:49 - How frequencies can affect our emotions, our lives, and the lives of others - frequency is everything 50:27 - The idea of "Decentralized Science" as presented by Dr. Shiva Ayyadurai to free science from money as a controlling mechanism 50:43 - You have a Right to be Human as you are - a Bill of Rights for Humanity (you do not have to become a robot) 53:30 - Dr. Royal Rife's Rife Machine (USC grad in the 1930s), Spooky2.com, Qi Gong hospitals in China (shut down in 2001 by government), energy medicine 57:49 - Trust is the most valuable currency in the world, creating your life artistically out of free will versus control using technology and information 59:25 - Considering 3rd and 4th options outside of the two options we are shown in any debate 1:00:15 - Putting up open source projects on theloveorganization.com (pending) and taking action to move forward with other options for freedom 1:02:04 - Open source water (ocean water => fresh water) 1:03:20 - Freedom, "Wag the Dog" the movie, using real events for "agendas", "bad things" can only help us no matter how hard they try to do the opposite, you don't have to be "controlled" to be more accepting of other people, races, countries and ideas 1:11:20 - Creating an environment with frequencies where harmony for humanity can "live" easily - The "Force" has awakened through you! 1:14:49 - Coming together off of Facebook, organizing efforts to present Doctors with alternative views, maintaining our freedom for our bodies, minds and spirit Our website: https://www.believe.love Our company store: https://vibrate.love

This week I will be discussing the world of Animal Crossing. Some pro tips. DLC news. Where I'm at in The game, and how I feel about the online play and the game in general so far in the week. Sit back, put your feet up, and just chillax a little. Make sure to Join our Gamerish FB group and discord!!

It's time for your weekly dose of inspiration and strategy from the Advanced Freelancing podcast. Before I kick off today's episode, if you love this show and listen every week, please hop on over to iTunes and consider leaving the show a review. It helps other people interested in similar content be able to find this show and benefit from all of the great tips that you have already heard. Today's guest wants you to consider one question. What if you could determine who in your audience is your best client in 180 seconds? Juliet Clark is a dynamic and sought after speaker and podcaster, who has spent the last 20 years helping authors, coaches, speakers, and small businesses all over the world build expert platforms. She created a platform building tool that assesses audience obstacles, generates leads, and qualifies leads for businesses. And she says her simple technology can be used from the stage, on social media, and at workshops to create conversations that build long term relationships. She's also the host of the Promote, Profit, and Publish podcast which helps entrepreneurs understand how to use great tools in the coaching and small business spaces. So we're going to be talking all about lead generation, lead qualification, and how to make that process easier for you. This is a hot topic for a lot of freelancers. Juliet’s story on how she became so knowledgeable about lead qualification and lead gen. So I'm out of college. I started out in traditional publishing. And I went on to work in advertising on a couple billion dollar accounts Chiat Day. And from there I went to being a stay at home mom and lasted two weeks. It was really hard. That is a hard job. And so I decided that I could balance my time between there and real estate. And the one thing that I carried through all of those was that you had to prequalify before you worked with people. And you also had to build a really solid Avatar and test and validate that avatar over and over and talk to those people. So, in 2007, I was going through a divorce and I wrote my first book. It was a mystery novel. I killed my ex husband in it. It was very cathartic. But the “what” came from that experience, besides not having to wear a felony orange jumpsuit, because it was metaphorically killing him in a book was that. When I went to publish my first book, I found a self publishing model that was horrendous. It did not serve authors at all. So I started my own company and then within that we had entrepreneurs bringing us a book. And they had written the book because their products and services weren't selling. And someone told them that, “You know, the book is the answer. It's why nobody knows you.” And I kind of said, “No, that's not it. Yeah, this is going to be another failed product.” So we developed, we worked with it, I found a platform that I really loved, and we started developing assessment marketing that was also lead generation. And as we got better and better over time with it, we put components in with it that were also qualification. So that when the people are working with the assessments, they're actually pre qualifying themselves for your business. I think that is such an important thing to consider that you have lead qualification processes built in when people are coming to you. Both with they are landing on your website, your landing pages, they're finding you some other way, but also when you're doing outreach with them. Where do you think most people get things wrong with lead qualification? So my there's a couple of things. My experience when I was in real estate was there was always a couple guys in the office who'd be like, “I have 60 leads.” And they never closed anything. And I had a really great team of people, we were selling about 60 houses a year. And we pre qualified everybody. It was such a huge difference in what we closed every year. So I think that pre pre qualification, we go out and we collect leads, but we don't really find out how interested they are. So that's one of the one of the things. The other thing is, it's easy for you to explain what you do and develop a product. But if you don't validate it first and know who that audience is, you can't replicate it for lead generation. So you have to be able to not only build that avatar, but also validate it. How would you recommend that somebody validate it if they're like brand new to starting their business? How do you figure out that this idea you have, this service or product has legs? So this is the second time I've had to answer this today. One of the things, and I know with freelancers, they work with a lot of coaches, authors, speakers,  and small businesses. And unfortunately, that business model is what I call “Bootstrap to Bankruptcy”. Because there are all these things that you need to be successful and one of them is not validating that product. So that's actually what we use the assessments for. We tell people that are brand new, like we're your first stop, you have an idea. Let's get you out on a stage or networking or wherever it is. Let's create this based on success principles and let them tell you if it's a valid product and if they would pay me money for it. Because you get a lot of lip service about, “Oh, I really love that.” And then nobody will pay anything for it. So I'd rather see you spend a couple thousand dollars and validate, then go out and hire that book coach and an online marketing coach and all of those things that are going to cost you anywhere from $10 to $100,000. I'd rather see you validate first. I see this a lot too with other authors. So I also do some freelance public relations work for nonfiction business book authors.  And it drives me crazy how many of them come to me and say, “I published my book three months ago, and it's not selling at all.” And I'm like, “Why are we waiting until three months after the book is launched to think about these kinds of things? Did anyone even want to read that book to begin with? And how much opportunity we've lost by you spending a year two years of your life working on this thing?” And then it's the parts of it like did it ever have legs to begin with? Was it ever validated? And then also, how can we make sure that that follow through comes all the way through the process, right? We can't just stop when you created the product. You have to build in your customer service.  And you have to build in your marketing. All those pieces have to be in place. I think a lot of people do struggle with lead qualification, too. Especially when you're doing something like cold outreach.  That's something a lot of freelancers do. They say I want to work with Procter and Gamble, or whatever. So they go do their research. They dig for hours to try to find the CMOS email address, write this custom pitch, and get in there. Then they forget about that lead qualification process just because it was a big name or a cool company. They still might not be your right client. So can you talk a little bit about, especially on a phone call, because that's usually the next step for a lot of freelancers, what information can you be asking for or listening for on a phone call to determine if a lead is not the right fit? So you've done your base level of investigation about this company or person, you think there's possibility to work together. How do I make sure about that before we sign a contract? So a lot of what we do inside of enrollment conversations is really talking to them about what's worked, what isn't working, what have you tried to get it to work, and really diving into that? The reasons for those conversations, even though they seem a little invasive, is you're going to find out a couple things. And they may not actually verbalize those things.You have to get really good at listening. So to give you an example, when someone comes to us, we ask those kinds of questions. And we might find out that they're blaming it on somebody else they worked with. But when you really get down to it and do some heavy listening and dig, dig, dig, you'll find out that the person you're talking to didn't take action. They didn't follow through. And so you're really listening for those patterns when they're telling you about those experiences. Because they will tell you a lot. You'll find out if you have an action person or a blame person.  You don't want that blame person at all. That's so true. I think it's equally important to be listening to hear the right things and logging away those red flags that come up in those early conversations. Because just like you were talking about, one thing I always tell freelancers is it's a bad sign if you're on the sales call, and they say, “I've hired 15 other freelancers before and no one could do the job right.” There is only one common denominator in those projects. And it was the person who didn't give good directions, didn't pay on time, or whatever it is that the client has done. So do you have tips for making that lead generation process faster for freelancers or any type of business owner? So that's actually what we use that assessment for, in depth, is we set the success principles of what we do and then you measure, as the potential client, where you're at in that. So we know not only how much help you need, but also you have an understanding coming into the call about how much help you need. Because sometimes I find that when we're pre qualifying, people don't realize how much help they actually need. They think they're doing better than they actually are. And for anybody, a freelancer, a business, that is a big red flag because their expectations may be much higher of what you're going to do for them than what you actually commit to do for them. It's definitely important to know where they're at and where they want to go. I use a loose form of pre qualification for the freelancers that I coach. I layout in the sales page this is the type of person I work with. These are the types of things we work on. And then I require that they do a brief phone call with me just to make sure that we're a fit beforehand. But I'm imagining that using something like a form where you ask questions could help pre qualify people to see if they're the right fit. But what do you do with the people where you read it  and you say, “Hmm, this isn't the right fit” or you look at their information they've emailed to you? Let's say you got a lead through your website that says, “I want to hire you to do these freelance services.” But you can tell it's not a fit for you and they didn't really pass your pre qualification test. Where do they go from there? How do you respond to that professionally? Juliet’s response to this sticky situation. Usually, I try to be a connector.  I will go back and explain to them, “Look, this is not really an area where we work well and I can see you need help here. I know somebody.” And then I give them a name and number and tell them they should contact them and see if they can help them a little bit better. That doesn't mean that you're giving bad leads to someone else. But you genuinely may not be the person to do that work. And most of the time, when we're referring, we're making a little bit of referral fee off of it as well. So it's not a total loss. But here's the thing about it, when you do something like that, and we just have this conversation in integrity, people come back and they send people to you. Because now they fully understand what you do. And they understand that you just didn't take their money and not deliver for the sake of taking their money. And that's huge when you're doing something like this. I think one thing that you might never know is the people who land on your lead qualification page who look at it and just in looking at it, realize that you two are not a fit and they don't even fill it out. So it's also doing a lot of that work for you. But people can self opt out and go, “This is like five questions long and I'm too busy to answer five questions.” If you're too busy to do that, we're never going to get anywhere on the project.   Anything else in that lead generation process can definitely help people realize “This is right for me.  This isn't right for me.” Now, one thing I see all the time, not so much in the freelance world, but in other businesses is this idea of buying leads. Now is that something that's still relevant? I mean, I would think it's worth the extra time to find your own leads and then pre qualify them. But then every so often, I do see people selling these lead generation services where they'll promise you a list of  X many companies. Juliet on buying leads. So here's the deal. Business is all about relationships. And that is one of the things when you and I initially talked that I told you in this click world out there, what we've developed, is for relationship building.  So when you go out and buy a lead, there are three different kinds of traffic out in the world. There is cold traffic, medium traffic, and hot traffic. Hot traffic is when you have referred somebody to me and you vouched for me. You really need this person.  That medium traffic is somebody who kind of knows you, following you trying to figure out what you're doing, and you're nurturing them. Those cold leads, they didn't ask to become a lead, for the most part. Or if you're in digital, they click and they don't really know you. A lot of times they've just clicked a click. So those people are really, really hard when you buy leads. And a lot of times when you go out and buy those, they're spam. So they're actually ticked off that you're like, “Where did you get my name?” So now you have no chance of building rapport and relationships. You should always go out and develop your own leads because you're the face of your business. You're the person that they're looking at.  Are you credible? Do you follow through and do what you say you're going to do? If I tell you when you hand me your card that I'm going to call you this afternoon, do I call you this afternoon? There's all of these things that they're evaluating that make it necessary for you to generate and pre qualify your own leads. It's such a great point, because I think so many people are looking for that magic bullet. The easy answer of, “Oh, well just give me a list of 10 or 50 companies that I can pitch.” And I always say that your odds of success are going to be so much higher if you make your own list of 10 companies you would like to work with and then do the research to see if on your initial review, they meet your lead qualification. It's just going to be so much more effective. The other thing I always wonder about those lead gen companies too is let's say they have a list of 50 companies, but 2000 people have bought that list of it, right? So now those people are really pissed off on that lead list because they're like, “Man, everyone under the sun is emailing me and I never asked for this information to come to me.” And that's such a great point because Juliet has a lot of clients who are trying to get into corporate workshops. And they think, “Okay, every corporation needs me.” Do you have any idea how many times a day that HR person is hounded for a workshop to come in? So the best thing you can do if you want to get into those places, is go to some place where you can network with those people. The fact is, if I am going to an event, and I want to meet the speakers or I want to do business with those people who have been vouched for that probably could use my services, I reached out to them on LinkedIn. And I say, “Hey, we're going to the blah blah blah event. I can't wait to see you speak.” And then walk up at the event, introduce yourself, “Hey, I reached out on LinkedIn.” And then talk to them. But here's the bigger tip. Sit next to them at the event because inevitably when you're sitting next to people conversation starts. Sit at their table or wherever, because that's where it all begins. That's where you get to make your first impression instead of an email or a solicitation phone call. Get out of the house and go network with those people that you really want to grab their business. And you may find out at those like, “Oh my gosh, that person's horrible. I really don't want to work there.” That tip about LinkedIn is so important because our email inboxes can get cluttered. But you can always do follow up on LinkedIn.  You can do initial outreach on LinkedIn. And then if you sit next to that speaker at that networking event, and they post about having spoken, you remind them of who you are by commenting on that on their social media. You say, “Hey, you did a great job. It was great to meet you.” You want to keep staying in their world. And I think that that is really, really important. So let's talk about the beginner person who's just starting out realizing that they need to have a better process for capturing incoming leads, what would you say would be the first step that they need to take? Where I'm going with this is a lot of freelancers go, “Oh, I can't launch my business yet. Because I don't have my website.” A website that has no traffic to it is so useless. So just skip it. I always just tell them that they don't need that unless they have this massive following and they have massive traffic already. Then yes, let's optimize your website and make sure there's a place on there for people to hire you. But I would think it's probably not set up your website. I'm wondering if there's something else people can do to sort of be lead friendly. Juliet explains how people can be lead friendly. How about a landing page? It costs about $50 to put up the landing page. You add a little about yourself, your services, and let's set an appointment. So you can send people to that landing page. Also get out and start developing content. Let's say that you and I had a conversation or we were going back and forth on LinkedIn a little and you expressed an area you were having a little bit of trouble and you may not hire me today. But wouldn't it be amazing if I served you by saying, “You know what, Laura? I wrote an article about this topic. Can I share it with you?” Then  leave the link and and just kind of start developing from there. You're showing them your value instead of telling them how valuable you are.  And how many times do we see people doing the opposite? It is rampant on Facebook and LinkedIn. “Help! I'm launching a podcast. Does anyone have any good resources?” And inevitably 10 people respond. “Hi, I'm a Podcast Producer here. Here's my services page, go check it out.” And it's like, I don't know who you are, you know what I mean? If you were the person that left me the link that said, “Hey, here's this great resource I found, or I took this course. I read this book. I listened to this podcast and it was awesome.” And continue to build that relationship. I feel like we're interacting as to humans, rather than you just see me as somebody who can be pitched. And I think that that's really important. I always laugh how many people seem to think that it's as easy as, you send a pitch or you get on a sales, contract sign, you've got the money, the company is in the person. It still goes back to relationships. We live in a digital world. And digital technology enables us to do all that other stuff faster, but we still have to go back to relationships at the end of the day. Juliet’s upcoming book. So this spring, I have a book called coming out it's actually called “Pitch Slapped”, because that's what I feel like when I go and you do that to me. Especially those people who are on LinkedIn, you connect with them and they say, “Hey, I've got this brand new program. Would you like it?” And it's like, “No, I don't even know who you are.” And half the time they haven't even done the research to see what it is you do. I've had people pitch me investment banking stuff. I'm like, “Did you even look at my profile? Like, I don't need investment banking. I'm not looking to have venture capital.” My favorite though is that people who are subtly insulting with their pitch where they're like, “I know how hard it is to work out.” You're like, “Oh my gosh, you're calling me out on my fitness or my nutrition.”  Not only have I been “pitch slapped” as Juliet says, but now there's like this undercurrent of like you have flagged me as your ideal lead because you think I need extra help. Juliet’s pet peeve. My pet peeve is men who email who tech. You go through Facebook Messenger and they say, “Hey, I have this great new meetup. I help women manage their money.” It's like when your husband tries to teach you how to play golf and tells you everything wrong. And you're not inspired by that. You want to hit him over the head with the club. It's so crazy that and this all goes back to that same topic of the proper lead qualification. Does this person want to hear your message? Are you reaching out in the most effective way to do it? Because maybe you do have some incredible supplement that burns fat, but there's a nicer way to go about it, or there's a more appropriate way to make sure that whoever you're targeting is the ideal person to hear that message. I might be willing to hear that at a networking event where they're just talking about their own experience using it. I actually have a rule that if someone does that to me on LinkedIn, I just remove the connection immediately. If the first message is,  “Hi! I sell XYZ. Here's the link to buy it. I'd love to help you.” I'm like, “Okay, remove connection.” Because there is no connection between us because you didn't take the time to even get to know me or spend that time Juliet shares a story. So I love to share this story. Someone did that to me. They wrote me a birthday message and this was like in 2016.  It was really nice message, “Hey, Happy Birthday. You deserve all the best in life. I’d love to help you get healthier in your next year.” And they signed it. So I wrote back, “Thank you.” Then here came the sales pitch. That would have been okay except 2017, they sent the exact same message. In 2018, I was at an event and the owner of this MLM said, “You know, my people are having a little problem with marketing. Do you think you can come in and talk to us?” And I said, “Oh my gosh, I have this great thing on social media. And guess what? I've got this messenger inside of my presentation that is what your guy keeps sending me every single year.” And he's like, “No way.” I was like, “Yeah, I use you guys as an example, in my presentation.” You don't want to be the bad example that someone is using to say what not to do, right? In my mind, it wouldn't take that much more effort for them to send you a personalized message that at least varies it up every year. He could log in a spreadsheet, pitched her in 2017 and didn't go anywhere. So let me not do that. Juliet pointed out that inside messenger, when you get that message, you can see the message above that's identical from the previous year. So vary it up. That's another good point. Because when you're doing this outreach to prospective clients, you want to vary it up. One of my most hated things with follow up is when a freelancer sends a pitch and then they respond to that message when no one answers and says, “Hey, just following up on this.” Don’t do that.  Give the person a reason to read your message that they might not have seen initially. Always add a little bit of personalization. And that goes back to that human connection. When you see someone else in your space or in another space who is doing things well and owns their expertise, go look at how they do it. You want to learn how to make great email newsletters, get go sign up for somebody list that has a 40% open rate and a high close rate. You want to learn about lead generation and pre qualifying go look at how Juliet has set up her own pre qualification on the quiz. So you can always take lessons from other people who are doing things right. Thanks for tuning in for another episode of the advanced freelancing podcast. For more freelance advice, get a copy of my book Start Your Own Freelance Writing Business—available now! Buy it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple Books, and more. Connect with Juliet: Quiz: leadlogicquiz.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julietdillonclark/ Podcast: Promote,Profit,Publish http://superbrandpublishing.com/how-to-subscribe-rate-our-podcast-5-stars-on-itunes/ Facebook Community: https://www.Platformbuilders.com Websites: http://www.superbrandpublishing.com Call to Action: http://promoteprofitpublishquiz.com

A brief update on COVID-19 and type 1 diabetes recorded March 11, 2020. Stacey talks to Dr. Satish Garg, an endocrinologist at the Barbara Davis Center for Diabetes. Dr. Garg talks about what we know right now, what he's telling patients and advice for anyone with T1D. Find out more about Coronavirus: CDC Info JDRF  Beyond Type 1 DiaTribe ----- Check out Stacey's new book: The World's Worst Diabetes Mom! Join the Diabetes Connections Facebook Group! Sign up for our newsletter here ----- Use this link to get one free download and one free month of Audible, available to Diabetes Connections listeners! ----- Get the App and listen to Diabetes Connections wherever you go! Click here for iPhone      Click here for Android Episode Transcription: Stacey Simms  0:00 Diabetes Connections is brought to you by One Drop created for people with diabetes by people who have diabetes. By Real Good Foods real food you feel good about eating and by Dexcom take control of your diabetes and live life to the fullest with Dexcom   Announcer  0:20 this is Diabetes Connections with Stacey Simms.   Stacey Simms  0:26 Welcome back to another episode of the podcast really glad to have you along. And once again, we are doing a short episode on Coronavirus and type one diabetes. I'm your host Stacey Simms. And you know after we put out an episode at the end of February about this, I heard from a lot of people who asked me to keep updates coming. Now as I have said before podcasting isn't really the best medium for breaking news. You can listen to this episode immediately as it comes out. You could be listening to it weeks or months years down the line. But I do think we can use the podcast here to get some good information out. So in the limited way that we can, that's what I'm trying to do. This episode is going to be on the shorter side, maybe 15 minutes of the interview with an endocrinologist just sort of talking about where we are right now and answering some specific questions from listeners. We will have a regular Diabetes Connections, interview and show next week. I'm going to come back after the interview and I'll talk a little bit more about the show going forward. I am recording this on March 11. The same day the interview with Dr. Satish Garg was recorded, obviously, the information may change. That's why I'm telling you the date. Please make sure you check the links in the show notes. They are on the episode homepage, or in the show notes. If you're listening on an app. It's kind of hard to find sometimes, but most podcast apps will have a place that says details or more information and that Where I'm putting the updated links, the ones that will automatically update when it comes to the coronavirus. And one more thing, you're going to hear Dr. Garg mentioned people with type one diabetes as having compromised immune systems. I did press him on this off the air and he says he uses that term to talk about people who have an autoimmune disorder like Type One Diabetes because he says, once you have one autoimmune disease, you're likely to get more like celiac disease or Addison's disease or other auto immune issues. He said, and you will hear him say this, it does not mean that people with type one diabetes are more likely to get sick from viruses like the flu, or COVID 19. With all due respect, I think it was a confusing way to talk about autoimmune conditions. And if you've listened to the show, a compromised immune system is not how anybody has talked about it before. So I did think that was worth pointing out to you. All right here is my interview. It is with Dr. Satish Garg of the Barbara Davis Center for Diabetes. Dr. Garg, thank you so much for spending some time with me. I know you're not only seeing patients but you're trying to reassure patients that I'm sure are calling in about the situation right now. how busy is your office at the moment? Are you fielding a lot of worried calls?   Dr. Satish Garg  3:24 Very many. I mean, my staff is swamped and getting calls and wanting us to write letters because they have Type One Diabetes should they go to work? And not only me and my emails are also we have nine different providers on the adult side here at the Barbara Davis center for diabetes and so many educators and all of them are swamped with these emails and text messages they're getting from patients.   Stacey Simms 3:52 So what are you telling patients who are asking if they should go into work?   Dr. Satish Garg  3:56 We primarily tell them to go on to these websites. JDRF has created a nice website giving guidelines for people with type one diabetes and also tell them to go on our website we posted some through University of Colorado and to coronavirus.gov and that is to the CDC. And if they have some degree of comorbidities, for example, if they are older, older than, you know, 60 or 65, and they have heart disease, hypertension, obviously they have diabetes, they may want to avoid places where there are larger crowds, or they may want to avoid unnecessarily getting in contact with somebody, for example, going for rallies and things like that people need to avoid so general precautions nothing specific to people with type one diabetes, except if they have comorbidities. We do recommend people to get the flu shot but they are specifically not at high risk of getting Any of these infections if their glucose control is good. But their immune system is compromised, because they have autoimmunity, it does get confusing. So the bottom line is that people have tried to maintain their glucose control as best they can to avoid hyperglycemia and avoid wide glucose excursions. And those are the general precautions. And of course, if their glucose control is not good, then they might be more prone to get bacterial infections and other infections, but their immune system is not normal, quote, unquote, on a healthy individual like you and I, who don't have type one diabetes, our immune system is different than the ones with Type One Diabetes. So it makes sense.   Stacey Simms  5:45 Yes, absolutely. I totally understand where you're coming from with that. But bottom line, good glucose control, you are not more likely to get COVID 19 if you have type one diabetes. You said right before we started taping that you had just seen an 84 year old patient with type one, what's your advice for that person?   Dr. Satish Garg  6:05 So we have more than about 400 patients who are older than 60-65 who have type majority of them have type one diabetes and some have type two, but they are requiring insulin therapy. Anybody who is in that age group, I always advise them especially many of them have comorbidities hypertension, hypercholesterolemia, heart disease. So those individuals I tell them specifically avoid, I'm not asking them to quarantine. Of course, if they have dry cough, and they start running fever, they should self quarantine, do advise them not to travel because right now, we don't know how the aircraft and what have you are being cleaned. Avoid large crowds. So just the general precautions that CDC advises that's what we are recommending to go People go they are definitely at high risk, one because of the age, second type one diabetes. And third, they have majority of them have some degree of comorbidities.   Stacey Simms  7:11 You know, one of the questions that we see a lot is, how can I prepare to be self quarantined? You know, a person with diabetes or household that has a person with type one diabetes in it. What are you recommending people keep on hand for two weeks, 30 days?   Dr. Satish Garg  7:28 Well, I think there might have been an overreaction to that people are slightly overreacting. Oh my God, we might suddenly be locked down, like Italy's logged on, like part of China was locked down. I hope that doesn't happen. So people are going on ordering insulin, masks and what have you. We don't anticipate that for example, in the state of Colorado, we only had about 15 to 20 cases now having a tip that they haven't tested a whole lot once you get a lot of people tested that One will really know the hard numbers right now, unfortunately, we do not have the hard numbers to how many people have been really affected by this disease. But we just give general advice to these individual.   Stacey Simms  8:15 You mentioned people trying to stock up on insulin. You know, one of the problems is a lot of insurance companies will not pay for that much, right, people are trying to get the prescriptions renewed. Are you running into that same thing,   Dr. Satish Garg  8:26 most of our patients would have about three months of supply, and if some of the insurance companies won't give them luckily for us at the Barbara Davis center, we have so many samples, we just give them one or two extra pens or vials so that they don't have to worry about it. Again, I'm hoping that this won't be a major event. Let's hope as the temperature turns around, that this virus will be just like what was Spanish Flu back in 1918. That will go through the cycle, but we don't know that a lot of people most of us Do not know the exact cause of this particular virus.   Stacey Simms  9:03 I will defer to you as the medical professional, but you're hoping it's like the Spanish Flu of 1918? That killed an awful lot of people.   Dr. Satish Garg  9:11 Well, but the Times have changed. You're right, that killed millions of people. No, we're not seeing anywhere close to that. Because what healthcare was 1918 100 years later is night and day. For example, back 40 years ago, I used to tell all my type ones, you're not going to live beyond 35 to 40 years of age. Today, I tell all of them, you're going to reach 80-90 years of age, I'm not aiming at 100. But you're going to reach nearly full potential of your life expectancy. So times have changed healthcare quality and what is available had changed night and day. So I think it'll be unfair to say that we're going to see those sort of mortality rates, but we saw back in 1918 because of the health care standards that are changed dramatically.   Stacey Simms  10:01 Um, you know, another listener of mine, I'm reading you some questions that I took from my listeners. And one of them had asked that there are some studies that people with type one have worse outcomes after major events like heart attacks, because of the autoimmune issues that people with type one already have. So she's concerned about that with Corona virus. Is there any indication? I know it's still early that one of the reasons that it kills people is because it does affect the immune system.   Dr. Satish Garg  10:32 So here's the problem, Stacy with that we do not have data to say that affect anything right now we have so few deaths in the US or even worldwide, and leave alone people with type one diabetes now convert to the best of my knowledge. None of the patients with type one diabetes has died. But again, that may be what I know of the numbers. Again, we do not have any for example here, the Barbara Davis center. We don't have any patient with the corona virus, and they have a significant number just like any other clinic of comorbidities. But we don't have any such problem right now. We are telling people in general to avoid travel for example, please don't be on a cruise ship that is a living source of petri dish that you're going to be definitely there is even 1% chance that you can avoid that you should avoid going on a cruise ship. Now, regarding other travel, the University of Colorado has already banned all our personal and domestic and international travel. So some common sense is to be taken into con in the sense if you really don't have to travel anywhere. avoid that. That this thing's bad. Through, hopefully just like a flu virus, and over time, it will all go away, we'll hopefully find a vaccine. And this will be a thing of the past. But right now, there is too much unknown, especially in patients with type one diabetes.   Stacey Simms  12:14 All right, so I have a question for you from Julia, one of my listeners who is actually a flight attendant, so she says, I have no one to ask this question. I don't know if you'll be able to answer it, but we'll give it a try. She says I fly internationally to London. I do everything I should to avoid getting it but I have accepted is likely I will get COVID 19. When this happens, and I'm told to self quarantine, unless it's very life threatening. She says, What should she do for herself in a mild case scenario? So here's the question a person with type one who does get this and is not having a life threatening incident of it. What should they do?   Dr. Satish Garg  12:54 I would do self quarantine. Make sure you have enough insulin, fluids and whatever else necessities of day to day life you need. Yeah, they should be no different course to the best of our knowledge. Again, as you asked me earlier, the effect on diabetes, But again, we have no data that anybody with type one diabetes who is well controlled, behave any differently than the ones who don't have type one diabetes. So, General precautions, you got mild cough, small fever, self quarantine, and you should do fine, just like you would do it for a regular flu   Stacey Simms  13:33 and your regular sick day plan that everybody should have their endocrinologist in ketones, that sort of thing.   Dr. Satish Garg 13:39 Yeah. Great.   Stacey Simms  13:40 You know, we've said well controlled several times, and I know every one is different. And I almost hate to ask this question, having a child with type one for 13 years. So I think I know the answer, but I'll ask it anyway. When you mean well controlled, is there a number again, knowing that everybody's different? Is it an A one C of 7.5? Is it a Is it an in range? The time in range number, you know, when do we start worrying about well controlled type one diabetes, we know an A1C of 14 isn't going to cut it.   Dr. Satish Garg  14:08 So there are many ways here, as you rightly said, for example, somebody at the age of 70 or 80, I probably don't want their A1Cs to be in the 7s, because they have lived their life. They don't have any significant comorbidities. Why don't you just take it easy and avoid the risk of hyperglycemia. Someday in the teenagers 30s and 40s, you probably want to me one sees around seven, with a time in range of 65 to 70%. That's our goal. 70% of our patients use some sort of a continuous glucose monitor, which is what we recommend and that is true for everybody who is at risk of getting Corona virus. That is one advice I would definitely give them that they should go on a continuous glucose monitor if they don't have one just because when you're sick, your blood sugars are To be higher that you need to be rather than having to finger prick every five minutes. Why don't you have a continuous glucose monitor, preferably a Dexcom g six because that is far more accurate as compared to the average Libra, which is cheaper. However most insurance companies pay and thus you can continuously be monitored and adjust your insulin dose accordingly. Rather than having to prick yourself 10 times a day. That's the only advice I would make change, especially to the flight attendant. Also, if she's not using a CGM, I would strongly recommend that to use as one.   Stacey Simms  15:36 It's interesting when you mentioned cost. I did get a question and I know it varies state to state. I know you're a doctor, not an insurance expert. But do you know when a governor declares a state of emergency, you know, in North Carolina, our governor has recently done that it is mostly about federal funding. It's not about emergencies in the street. I think most people recognize that by now. Is there any leeway for people To get extra supplies to be able to pay for things at the pharmacy, like a Dexcom?   Dr. Satish Garg  16:09 Yeah. I mean, I wish I had an answer for that. The only thing I would say is, if that scenario happens, I'm sure we can get a special prior authorization. This is a scenario that nobody has seen or confronted with. So we don't know answers to many of the questions you're asking. However, if one is facing that situation, we could definitely look into it and get a prior authorization for that individual.   Stacey Simms  16:36 Has there been any information coming out of you know, China or Italy or elsewhere, where they've been dealing with this for longer about people with diabetes and about how it reacts with COVID 19. I know when we say diabetes, that they lump everybody in there as one part to separate it, but have you been able to parse anything   Dr. Satish Garg  16:55 and that's what I was going to tell you next one in China. According to To quote unquote, what they say, Type One Diabetes is rare. I don't know to what extent is that rare, they just don't have the information on that attack. Secondly, they lump all diabetes, type one, type two, type two, who has a lot more comorbidity is a very different ballgame falls into those individuals who are more vulnerable and who are elderly. So I don't think those criteria may fit. So we don't have any data to that effect, specifically, type one diabetes.   Stacey Simms  17:30 What are you all doing in your office? As you said, You're seeing patients, you're they're talking to me today? What are you doing to stay safe?   Dr. Satish Garg  17:38 Just the general precautions, asked my staff to make sure they clean all the clinic rooms, we have like 44 exam rooms, clean all the exam rooms, surfaces and whatnot. And again, we've been lucky. None of our patients have yet been at least reported to have any of these coronavirus to so far be unlucky but who knows when you Going to be confronted, I'm sure you must have heard there was a meeting in Boston, where there were 200 biotech people, and I believe 17 or 20 of them have come down with the corona virus. So that is obviously put issue, whether we should have these large gatherings at all. And I would just lastly say to all patients with type one diabetes, just take care of your diabetes, the usual way, it's not a bad idea to have some extra supplies in case like what they have done in New Rochelle in New York area where they're calling it containment, basically, allowing less movement in the community. So it's not a bad idea, do a few extra days worth of the supplies but take care of your diabetes, the usual way as best as possible. I strongly recommend using a continuous glucose monitor does if you were to be infected, you have continuous access to the data. just you glucose management much better. But otherwise there is lack of data in specifically to type one diabetes and there is no different we will behave just like as a non diabetic individual.   Stacey Simms  19:13 Well, thank you so much for spending some time with me. I appreciate it very much. And we'll check back. If any of the information changes or frankly, we get more of it. Right. We'll get it out there. But thank you so much.   Unknown Speaker  19:29 You're listening to Diabetes Connections with Stacey Simms.   Stacey Simms  19:34 As Dr. Garg mentioned, there is a lot that we as recording on March 11 still do not know especially any kind of breakout information when it comes to type one diabetes. So keep in mind as of right now, when you're hearing people talk about diabetes, they're lumping everybody with every type of diabetes together. You will find more information in the episode homepage including The links that Dr. Guard mentioned at the very beginning of that interview. Alright, so here's the situation on the show going forward. And you know, this may just be for this next week, I have no idea. Like I just said, there's a lot of uncertainty here. But I am not going to make the show all about COVID 19. At least not right now. In the Facebook group at Diabetes Connections, the group, I took a poll, and the vast majority of listeners wanted regular podcast programming with COVID 19 updates as needed. Now, I do come from a news background as you probably remember. So I admit, it's just a little hard for me to pull myself back from breaking news mode. I mean, I'm thinking you know, wall to wall coverage. This is how we would do it. This is how you're seeing media do it, but I hear you, and I'm here for you and to do what you as listeners want to hear. Because I'm getting this episode out early, the next one may not air Tuesday, our episodes usually drop on Tuesdays. If you subscribe to the show, that is probably your best bet. It'll just come to whatever app you use. And if you follow on social media, of course, I will post there, too. So please check back in. And let me know what you're thinking and what you want to hear. And by the way, maybe I should have said this upfront. If I sound a little bit different, it's because I have moved my office. And frankly, I wasn't really ready to record yet, but we moved this up so I don't have everything in its perfect place. Hopefully it sounds just fine. But if it's a little different, that is why All right, thank you so much, john, you can as my editor for rolling with these changes and being able to get these episodes out. I very much appreciated. Thank you for listening. And please check back into the Facebook group, social media or wherever you listen for the next episode. I'll see you back here then.   Unknown Speaker  21:52 Diabetes Connections is a production of Stacey Simms media. All rights reserved. All wrongs avenged   Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Where I'm from the chiefs are considered the enemy. But most of my life this man has been a die hard fan. After the 50 year drought, I had to get his opinion on his team finally ending a drought and winning the Super Bowl. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/datmandooley/support

Want to know the top 10 steps to becoming a public speaker so you can start getting on stages and get more eyeballs on your business?I'll share how I've done just that.Where I'm on multiple stages every year, including TEDx.1. Know Your Story 2. Make The Audience The Hero3. Find Your Unique Speaking Style4. Take Professional Headshots5. Start Small6. Build Your Speaking Reel7. Go For TEDx8. Apply To More Free Stages9. Apply For Paid Gigs10. Social Media CyclingTake the Hollywood'preneur Personality Quiz here.Join the Stage By Summer Masterclass here.Join the Applause Academy here.

Want to know the way to find your signature speech so you feel more confident submitting? I'll share how I discovered mine.Where I'm able to book speeches very easily because I know exactly what I'm offering as well as exactly what it will give my audience.1. Find Your Speaking Style.2. Write Out Your Top 3 Stories3. Decide On One Topic That Has A Key Story.To join the Stage By Summer Masterclass, click here.To join the Applause Academy Program, click here.What piece of this blog helped you the most? What will your signature speech topic be?

It's a new year and we're starting a new series at Flagstone called My Turn. Where I'm no longer going to be a spectator sitting on the sidelines watching other people make decisions, make choices and make improvements in their life while I stay in the same rut and don't do anything different. We're going to talk about how to make better choices - better decisions that are going to improve our lives and improve our faith.

Hi I'm Kenny Jay R and this is Built 2 last Podcast . Where I'm your host. Bringing to you a new perspective, sound, & hopefully a piece of mind. This first episode was a retake of my first failed attempt to save the recorded segment. All I'm offering this go round is a smooth track and my voice. If you want more help me get to 50 favorites and 100 views..... Peace!!!! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/built-2-last/support

Conflict in relationship is often viewed as a bad thing. It’s uncomfortable. It’s tense. It makes us feel bad, and often makes our partners feel bad too. But what if you’re missing out on an opportunity? Like two tectonic plates rubbing against each other, two people butting heads in relationship might be just the moment where something new forms within that relationship. And within you. That’s the view of this week’s guest, Viola Neufeld. She’s a coach, educator, therapist and facilitator, and she works to help those stuck in conflict to work through their difficult conversations to a place of profound inner transformation. Viola is also the author of “Grateful For The Fight: Using inner conflict to transform yourself and your relationships.” Her motto? “Don’t waste your conflict.” And today you’ll get a taste of how you can turn your conflicts into building and rebuilding moments within relationship.  Sponsors: Beautiful jewelry, exquisite craftsmanship, sustainable sources, and affordable prices. Get $75 OFF your purchase at hellonoemie.com when you use the coupon code "ALIVE". With free overnight shipping and free returns, you can see something online today, and try it on tomorrow risk free. Find a quality therapist, online, to support you and work on the places where you’re stuck. For 10% off your first month, visit Betterhelp.com/ALIVE to fill out the quick questionnaire and get paired with a therapist who’s right for you. Our final sponsor today is Audible. Audible has the largest selection of audiobooks on the planet and now, with Audible Originals, the selection has gotten even better with custom content made for members. As a special offer, Audible wants to give you a free 30-day trial - which includes 1 free audiobook and 2 free Audible originals. Go to Audible.com/relationship or text RELATIONSHIP to 500500 to get started. Resources: Visit Vi Neufeld’s website to get her “enhancing relationship vitality” inventory. Read Vi’s book, Grateful for the Fight. FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict and shifting the codependent patterns in your relationship Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Your Relationship (ALSO FREE) Visit www.neilsattin.com/conflict to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Jeff Brown. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. We've talked a lot on the show about how to communicate. And we've dipped our toes into the water of how to have conflict in a productive way with your partner. But deep down I don't know about you, but I've always harbored this sense that conflict is best avoided or dealt with as quickly as possible. And yet despite that deep down held belief something in me knew that it wasn't quite right. It wasn't quite serving me. And I've had various attempts to put my finger on the reason why. And then good fortune brought today's guest my way. Her name is Viola Neufeld and she is the author of "Grateful for the Fight: Using Inner Conflict to Transform Yourself and Your Relationships." Her book is truly eye opening, in terms of helping you see how the conflicts that you have in your outer world, the conflicts with your partner, with your family, with your co-workers, or your boss, how all of those conflicts help point to the ways that you can grow within you, and transform your relationships. So it's a very powerful generative way of looking at conflict that almost makes you welcome the chance to have conflict with someone else because you're gonna be holding it in a completely different way. If you are interested in downloading a transcript for today's episode you can visit NeilSattin.com/conflict, because that's what we're gonna be talking about today. Or as always you can text the word "passion" to the number 3-3-4-4-4 and follow the instructions Vi Neufeld. Thank you so much for being here with me today on Relationship Alive.  Viola Neufeld: I'm so happy to be here and I really love the name of our podcast Relationship Alive, because that's what this whole thing is about. It's about, what do you need to do to keep relationships alive over a very lengthy period of time and I know, you know, you were talking about how our natural tendency is to want to avoid conflict and you know that's just makes all the sense in the world because think about each time you enter conflict. It's like you're on this teeter totter and you don't know which way it's going to go. Is it just going to keep getting worse? Or is there a chance that this time you're going to turn around and do it differently and do it better? But we most of us have such a track record already with things going badly, that we're frightened of starting it again, because we know what the chances are we're realistic about the opponent that we have and our opponent gives us a real run for our money because they're able to find those places within where we question yourself. You know I mean it's funny. We often say to our partner you know, "you're pushing my buttons," as though they shouldn't. But interestingly enough it's when they push our buttons that they take us right to that part of ourselves where we find that really restless part. And of course it makes us feel terrible. We don't want to stay there, because we're uncomfortable there already. And yet if we continue to avoid it then it just remains there in a chronic state for many, many years. And we keep having fights over and over. Just on a little bit of a different stage. But the underlying fight is actually very much the same.  Neil Sattin: Right. You talk about it basically being this cycle where each of you is poking at the others sore spots and that there's some way that we magically arrive at this dynamic in, in partnership around those perpetual fights where what they point to it hits us in our in our weakest most vulnerable places and then we in the way that we respond to them you call that "your M.O.," it does the exact same thing for them. And so it creates this vicious cycle that just gets worse and worse or never gets any better.  Viola Neufeld: Yeah, I don't know I was thinking about this yesterday I was thinking about the whole concept of chemistry and you know how we always talk about we, what is love and we have to have this, uh, thing that happens between us. They activate something inside us. And make us come alive. But then what I was really thinking about is like what is the chemistry. The very thing that draws you together. That gravitational pull often has something that also creates conflict between us.  I mean we love somebody because they activate that part of us that somebody else doesn't. And it gets us really, really excited but it also makes us just wild because we don't know what to do and we end up trying to sort through, while we're in the middle of it, this is where it gets really confusing what's your stuff and what's my stuff. But, Neil let me go back to that cycle that you were referring to because how I even came up with that and how I even started looking at things in relation to the book and writing things up was, at one point I had like about twenty 23....nah, it was even more than that. At least 30 different files that I had across my dining room table and I thought what are the similarities here? When do people get into such entanglements with each other that they just can't get out and are there some similarities? What are those similarities where people get stuck and stay stuck for years.  And then that's when I started when I came up with that cycle, and you realized that somebody in terms of what they say or what they do, maybe, they're critical maybe they're passive maybe they're withdrawn, but whatever it is they do, make you go back to the place where you question yourself. "Maybe I'm not enough. Or maybe I'm too controlling. Or maybe I'm too impatient or..." Whatever it is that either they're withdrawing or their attack makes you question yourself and and doubt yourself at very significant levels in terms of who you are as a person. Then when you come out, so you come back out fighting, and whatever it is you do makes the other person now question themselves. And face the part of themselves that they don't want. That unwanted self. And it's looking at how we feed that cycle and keep that cycle going, that I was really intrigued by and wondering how do people get out of that cycle. Because I think that so many of us live with more pain in life than we need to. Like if we could figure this out sooner and face the part of ourselves that causes such discomfort and we'll know, we'll recognize that part because it's always the part that makes us come out fighting. We have to defend ourselves. We have to protect ourselves because we think the other person said something that makes us look like an idiot or that we're unreliable or that we're not a contributor. All the things we don't want to be and that's when we come out fighting. And yet the interesting thing is that really the strange way out of that, is to face the very thing that you don't want to be like for me for a long time. One of the things I had to face was, 'I'm not enough,' and I keep thinking "No, I am enough." Well this is where the power of positive thinking doesn't always work because it can't wipe out truth. And so it's like you almost have to do a back and forth and go, "Where I'm not... Where am I enough and where am I not enough?" Because there are places where I'm not enough and what am I going to do about that. So then the hope lies in kind of finding a bit of a manageable change program. And if I can do more today than I did yesterday or feel better today about myself than I did yesterday, because of what I'm doing differently then that's already growth. I mean it's one of the things I absolutely love about conflict. I never liked to be in the midst of conflict. There's nothing easy about it. But if you can surrender to it and learn what you can then we learn so much more about ourselves. I think that we are all less self-aware than we really think we are. This is a wonderful way of getting to know who you are and who the other person is.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. There's there's so much here that I want to unpack. And I love how rich your book is with like really taking apart each of the dynamics that, that are at work there in conflict and as, um, as I was wrestling with this question of, "OK what is the truth about those sore spots in me?" You know when I look at... You know something I mentioned frequently on the podcast is how I'm maybe not the cleanest person. So what is the truth around when when someone approaches me, or when Chloe my partner approaches me and says like, you know, "This place is a disaster like you have to do something." And for me like the natural tendency being you know all these things that I saw spelled out in your book like I would get defensive or I'd have I just have excuses maybe I wasn't getting defensive, but I'd be like you know I was really busy recording that episode of the podcast and I didn't get that chance to do the dishes like I said I was going to. And then there's that uncomfortable place of recognizing, "OK there is some truth here. And one of the questions that comes up for me is how you arrive at the balance of when it when it's actually healthy for you to look at, let's say a criticism from your partner and to not like focus on the fact that they criticized you and they could have said it better, but just to say like alright, I'm going to take a step back and see what's true here. What's the balance between doing that, in a way that's healthy, and then it becoming its own negative cycle and your relationship where you just get victimized by a partner who isn't doing their part to shift? Viola Neufeld: Yeah. That's a really good question because you know I think it's almost like the sequence that's the most important. The natural tendency is to go back and start fighting immediately or protecting and defending self. Except that if you continue to do that it gets you nowhere.  Okay. So the first step is always going in and looking at what did they say about me? So that's true. Maybe I, you know I am messy or I am a control freak, or I'm a clean freak, or whatever it is. Whatever they have said about you, the first step, I mean this is a very courageous step right because you have to go inside and you go. How much of that is true. And once you start to look at that then you're no longer fighting or like pushing it away because you've actually brought it close. And I don't ever want to minimize the difficulty of this because the same way as a child balances down on heat and pulls their hand away we do the same thing with emotional responses. When something is uncomfortable we want to balance away but this is what is required is to actually stay there longer and go, "Is this true about me? Yeah you know what sometimes I am this way," or "Sometimes I'm not this way." So you're going back, you have to do a bit of an assessment, all along recognizing that you don't see everything about yourself, the other person is actually telling you something about how you are impacting them. And we're not always aware of our full impact on the other. But then after you've gone in I think that it's important to go up and you from a bird's eye view, you look down, and you go wait a minute what do I know about the way that the two of us interact? What do I know about when my partner is feeling uncomfortable, what do they do? And if they get to a place where they're blaming and I'm now feeling like a victim and this is I recognize this. This is, I easily fall into a victim. My partner usually blames that I go, Wait a minute what I've already looked at what's going on inside of me and what I need to do differently but now I'm also from the bird's eye view from way up top I'm looking down and going: I see this pattern between us and I know that my partner is doing that out of their own discomfort then because you're not being just reactive you are much more equipped to stand up and say, you know what you're going into a blamer, and you're doing the very same thing again, you're wanting to make it look like it's my fault and you're so, so it's a matter then of holding onto yourself and you are not as reactive. So you have a clearer mind and you can see what the pattern is between the two of you and begin to shift your pattern.  Neil Sattin: Right. I loved in one of the chapters where you were talking about ways to shift the interactions like once you've done the inner work and I want to spend of course a little bit more time on that process of of the inner diagnosis. But you were talking about like once you've done that work and then you face into a conflict with your partner or anyone, really, you might ask a question like, Are you... it seems like you're trying to blame me right now are you, is that true? Are you trying to blame me right now for what's going on? And how asking the question invites them to take a deeper look at what they're doing and they may say they may say, Yes. You know they may be like, "That's exactly what I'm doing because this is your fault." Or they may say, "Well I'm not trying to blame you. I'm trying to just show you the impact of..." And you get further than you would get if you were just like, you know, stop blaming me and you're always blaming me. And then you're off to the races with your typical relationship pattern or conflict pattern.  Viola Neufeld: Yeah, see, I love that because once you have looked at yourself and you've really seen it, when you go out now, because I think there's three steps you go in, you go up, and then you go out. When you go out you grow up very differently. So, my husband and I, we had this cycle that went on for many, many years and and it would be that I would end up feeling like I was, you know, how did I have to raise another issue? I'm a malcontent. I'm a flake for what I'm saying. And then what I noticed and I would go into a blamer, because I didn't want to be that person but once I got to see that it when I experienced his criticism I, would go to that very same place. It kind of just made me chuckle because I go, "Wait a minute. I'm here at the same place. And yes I realize that sometimes I caused trouble but I also don't want to be the person who sees trouble and doesn't do anything about it." And so then I was equipped to just stand there and go, "No no. We do have an issue with this. But I gotta find a way of doing this and be lovable at the same time." So going inside what it helps you do is, it equips you and you feel more confident to stand on your own. To speak from your truth. And the fight changes because it's not like you're just defending yourself. You're actually talking about what goes on between the two of you and what you'd have to do to change that pattern so that it becomes a healthier pattern.  Neil Sattin: Yeah let's go up even further for a minute and talk about differentiation, and the reason why conflict is so crucial for true intimacy.  Viola Neufeld: Yeah. Differentiation. I mean it sounds like a big concept but, but it's so it's what you have to do in conflict all the time, is that... And conflict takes you to a place where you have to be willing to stand on your own and for a little bit. I mean it's almost like you disconnect with that other person, because you're so connected with who you are, what's important to you, and then you also have to hold the other at the same time. So it's being detached and involved. Standing alone and standing together. Lot of people get that part confusing because they think that you know they'll say, many couples will come in and one person will say, "No, I have to leave this marriage because I can't be myself." Well, if you have to leave a marriage to be yourself. That's not differentiation. It's individuation. That's about you being able to hold on to yourself. Differentiation is much more difficult because how do you end up holding on to yourself, and being a full self when you're connected to the other who is different than you, who thinks differently who wants different things. And that can be a big challenge. But ultimately I think it's only when we bring our full selves to the marriage, and freely being who we are even when the other person doesn't get who we are, that's the best chance that we've got of having real intimacy and vitality. I think way too many people give up intimacy because intimacy is hard. Intimacy means that you have to be able to state what do you want. What's important to you. What you value even when you think that the other person doesn't get it. So one of the ways that I've described it over the years is that I think one of the hazards of a long term relationship is a, is a shrinking pie. And initially you came together and the two of you were you flowed freely and you were all you brought all of which you were what you are. And so when you bring the full pie it just feels really intoxicating because you're free to be yourself the other person is free to be yourself. You don't have the baggage. But then what happens over the years is that let's say, there's something that's really important to you. Maybe it's something that you value. Maybe it's it's what you want sexually or who you are spiritually or you know what you're looking for,  you need emotionally. And let's say the other person isn't there doesn't meet your needs and so, or even they think you're less than for some reason because you're too emotional or not emotional enough or whatever. And so slowly we start pulling back pieces of the pie and we no longer bring them to the relationship. And if we don't do that sure we've got less conflict. But you know what: we have a whole lot less vitality, a whole lot less intimacy. So the challenge is even when you don't we don't think the same. I got to tell you this is who I am. And remember that other person fell in love with you in the first place because you so freely flowed with of everything that you were. But just now you've got some challenges.  Neil Sattin: Yeah so the idea is that through this process you get to know yourself more. You get to grow yourself more. And then you get to bring that back to the conflict in a way that really it's like having the same conflict, but from a completely different place. So it's it's not gonna be the same conflict at least on some level.  Viola Neufeld: Neil, and that's true because you went once you've done all this inside work you go, and as soon as you get back out there with the same person you go, "Wow this is the same stuff." But then you notice then it actually feels so differently when you're in it because you're not being triggered. So the same conflict. But now you're responding differently within it which means that nothing can be exactly the same. You know how they tell you you can never change the other person and there's a part of that that's true but it really isn't the whole truth. You know because how do we change the other person we change the other person by changing ourselves. If I change my pattern my husband could no longer do the same thing and that's the way it is in all relationships. And therein lies a huge amount of hope.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. In fact I just released a communication course that is all focused on the things that one person can do, like, basically all the places where we alone have influence when we're communicating with another person, since that's really the only thing we can change in effect.  Viola Neufeld: Yeah. And also because like I think of, I don't know if you can visualize steps, you know, like, let's say you you enter at one level, but there was an action that came before. There's always an action that comes after. So think about how you change things. Because if you respond differently then the other responds differently to you as well and you get out of the vicious cycle and into a more virtuous cycle. And the power lies in one.  Neil Sattin: Right. Right. I am I'm getting this image in my mind of you know someone kind of going to battle and over and over again, with the same opponent, the same foe and they have, I mean let's just use Achilles right. So that we'll take a myth. So this dude has a weakness in his heel, it's the only place that he can be killed, because that was where you know he was held when he was dipped into the pool of immortality or whatever it was. And it's like, imagine him going into battle again and again and he's like fighting and all doing well. And then what do you know, like the person like, pinches his heel and he's like down on the ground again. And thankfully the person isn't actually trying to kill him. But no matter what, there he is helpless down on the ground and it's like if all he focuses on is like, "How do I keep people away from my heel?" Then the heel is always going to be there as a weakness. And everyone's going to keep going for it. Whereas if he gets to know that spot intimately well and you know, I'm talking about Achilles, but it could easily be "Achillia” - you know some women as well. You know like, then once they realize like oh this is my weakness and they really get to know it intimately. And then when, the other person goes for it, they actually have a way of responding that they never had before. That's part of what changes the whole dynamic. So, I'm wondering if you can talk for a moment about that process of going in and and I love the way in your book you have these great questions that help you kind of peel away your self delusions and denial in a way that's not destructive. You know that's constructive. Maybe you can talk a little bit about that process of you know, asking yourself maybe you've asked yourself what's true about this which is what you offered earlier. And then what's the next step? Like where do you go when you when you realize like well you know what, it's true that I don't prioritize the dishes and that is just true about me or whatever it is.  Viola Neufeld: Yeah. You know to even to go one step further back, because it's understanding. You know, I often think of that part of us that we don't like the unwanted self. I often think of that more and I relate to it as I would to a little child or to me as a little child because we all make sense. And that part of us that still needs healing was wounded somewhere along the line. And what I actually love about conflict is that conflict gives us a method to heal those parts that are the most sensitive. So so when we come to the self to the unwanted self in that way, and we warmly try to understand where the hurts lie, where the woundedness first started to show up, then it's a way of kind of... I don't know... embracing it really it really is... I don't know taking it on your lap and now you're not, you're not harsh with it which means you're also not unrealistic in what you're expecting of it.  So I understand that, "OK. Why is cleanliness not important to me? Or why is uber cleanliness important to me?" For instance. And I come to understand things that have happened in my life that have made me come to that conclusion. And the thing is that many times what worked earlier in life doesn't necessarily work anymore. So taking that cleanliness thing you know, before it was not a problem there are many other things that were more important. However if it becomes a problem, with your spouse, then yeah. Then it's something that you start looking at and you go, "Well, maybe now I would actually feel better if I had things a little more cleaned up or if I contributed more by getting the dishes done or any of those things. So. So, it's a matter of really first warming up to the unwanted self because you understand what role it played or how it came to be. And in facing that there is some healing and there is some freeing going forward.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. And I'm wondering when you look at yourself in that way like, what I'm hearing are these questions that help you get the underlying motivation. So if what you're looking at is a specific behavior that you do or don't do, what the motivations are beneath that to help you get more clarity on what, what's really driving the way that you act. Am I getting you? Viola Neufeld: Yes for sure. Because we always have... And making that connection is sometimes difficult. Because we have these behaviors that we do. But then you have to kind of go underneath and go, "Why is that important?" Now, the why question is always a bit dangerous right because it can take you into rationalization which is not where we're going. It's more of a question of what? What is it that's actually driving that. So...  Neil Sattin: Yeah. And I'm thinking about your chapter on I think you call it "self tripping." Maybe you can describe what that is before I say what I'm gonna say. So what's self tripping?  Viola Neufeld: "Self tripping" is when you keep doing something that you know isn't getting you where you want to go and yet you can't leave. You can't let it go. So, in the book it was Nadia and her negativity. And so she recognizes that even though she doesn't like her negativity, that it also plays an important role in her life. It's where she feels like she makes a valuable contribution. It's part of her sense of identity. She thinks that people who just are always happy are people who just skate through life and don't have enough grit to face reality as it is. And it's so become woven into her sense of who she is that if she if she didn't be negative some of the time or you know bring out the umbrella that she wouldn't even know who she was anymore.  Neil Sattin: Right.  Viola Neufeld: Cuz of the roles. It was a role that she played growing up in her family and it's how others have come to know her.  Neil Sattin: Right. So if it's okay, I'm just gonna go through these questions that you ask.  Viola Neufeld: Sure. Yeah.  Neil Sattin: So just to give you listening a flavor for this kind of inquiry. So, you identified the behavior then you might ask yourself why do you dislike this behavior? Because after all we're talking about the unwanted self, like this is a part of us that we don't necessarily feel good about. But we've come to accept it as just maybe just the way we are. Or just the way we're going to be. We haven't figured out a way out of it. What do you like about this behavior? And why are you attached to it? If you tried to change it what would you lose? Or how would the change destabilise you internally or destabilise your relationship externally? And how is it working for you to repeat this pattern over and over again? Is there anything else that holds it in place. So, you're really able to to look at it like almost a scientist would or at least an observer from another planet, who's really trying to get more familiar with what's, what's going on here? And do you find that that process of creating that insight in itself is what generates change? Or are there other things that you think are required for people? Viola Neufeld: Well for sure what it does, like, it's the second step right? It's of going up and looking at it. So what it does is, you see the patterns, it loosens it inside and then I think going out is actually that you have to end up implementing that and realize how different it feels, and actually be surprised by how good it feels. And it doesn't mean, and like Nadia for instance might never give up all her negativity but she might be thinking differently about how often she's going to use it or whether it's going to be a comfortable blanket. She's going to recognize when she's using it illegitimately and she'll open up options. That's the whole beautiful thing about looking at, or engaging conflict differently is that you recognize that you have a whole lot more options than you believed you had earlier.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah. It really frees you up in that way. And I'm just thinking about how once you're in that place with a new like trying something new on, you talk about not necessarily going for the big shift. "Well, I'm just gonna be positive all the time." Like, that's not gonna be Nadia's approach, right? Viola Neufeld: No, no, no. I mean that has to be, it has to be, little, little steps. And I think you always measured today compared to yesterday. Are you happier with who you are today than yesterday? Oftentimes when I work with couples and I usually take the last 10 minutes to work on what kind of homework do they want to do and it's about together we figure out the homework, or they figure out the homework on their own, but oftentimes after a session people will be pretty motivated and they'll go, "Oh, I'm going to do this, this, this, and this." And I'm like: "How about we think about one thing you're going to do? So that you can be convinced, so that you know that you are going to actually succeed rather than setting yourself up for failure?" Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. And I'm thinking now of that way of reflecting on changes in conflict with another person that you mentioned, where you might even say it's like in Nadia's case like, "Wow,, when's the last I was just positive, like when's the last time I was positive in the middle of a conflict that we were having?" As a way of helping your partner see that you are trying to make shifts in the dynamic. When you when you are trying to make those shifts, what are, what are the common obstacles that you find when someone brings kind of a renewed sense of who they are? They've gone, they've done the deep dive. They've gone up, they've gotten some perspective. They really want to shift this pattern for themselves and for the way that they have conflict and then, let's talk about kind of taking it into the arena with their with their partner? And how do you do that in a way that's most likely to be generative? And how would you know? Because we're talking about stepping into conflict which by its nature is uncomfortable.  Viola Neufeld: Yeah, yeah. You know what I think, for one, being really realistic about change and how it happens. And know that the old is like a magnet and it just sucks you back, so quickly, and so powerfully and I think the important thing is not to get down on ourselves when that happens just to kind of look and kind of chuckle a little bit, and go, "Oh, my goodness, it's happening. The same thing still has some power." But even the fact that you can go up and recognize it, that means you're not functioning totally from your alligator brain, your amygdala, you're actually operating. You've invited your neocortex in and you're recognizing it even if you catch it after the fact and you go, "You know what, I just did the same thing again." But that's more than you were doing previously, because previously you didn't even see it. So kudos to you. And then the next time when it happens you'll probably see it while you're in the middle of it, and go, "OK, just wait a minute. I got to do something differently."  And when sometimes, when people get lost I'll say to them just do something which is 180 degrees from what you normally do and see how different, it feels and see what the impact is. Because it's all about experimenting and then recognizing that the person who got to you before, when you are making changes, whether it's your spouse, whether it's a colleague at work. If you make a change know that the other person is going to continue to do more of what they did before. So you're actually going to up the ante. Be prepared for that. Not because they're wanting you to still do what you did before, but just because that's what they know. And so your commitment is to yourself, more than to the other person to stay the course. Just focus on who do I want to be so that I can sleep comfortably in my own skin. And what is another good thing is that life keeps giving us one opportunity after another. If we miss this one there's another one right around the corner. And again just keep practicing on being the person we want to be.  Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. I like that image of your two brains learning how to work together because we have spoken a lot on the show about your limbic brain taking your neocortex off line basically for in favor of fight or flight. And so bringing your attunement, like your attunement within, to a conflict, that allows you to to bring them both online at the same time and to recognize your boundaries to recognize where you truly aren't safe vs. the illusion of not being safe which is often what your amygdala is responding to, right?  Viola Neufeld: Yeah. And that's what I love is because when you invite your brain back in, you can see that some of the things, cause conflict is all about your threats center going wild. And yet, when you bring your neocortex in then you can actually look at those fears and go, "Ok, they were real at one point. Are they still real? You know? I thought I couldn't do this on my own. And back then I couldn't. But can I do it now? Have I developed further? Or, I thought that you know I was not enough? Or, I thought that I spoke way too much. Do I still do that? I thought I was a drama queen. Am I still that or have I shifted? I thought people would reject me. But is that true?" So yeah it's always a question of checking where you are now compared to where you were then. And the many of the fears that were there don't need to be there any longer.  Neil Sattin: Let's talk for a minute too about how we might... Because I agree with you that so often we we start changing and the whole thing shifts. But are there ways that you find with your clients that are particularly effective for inviting your partner to notice, along, apart from what I mentioned earlier, to notice like the dance is shifting here. Or, hey, like this is this is me stating my truth and you can make a choice about that but I'm really clear about what I believe in this moment or who I am in this moment. What are some ways to help invite your partner to change their steps in the dance? And maybe the last part of that question, is how would someone recognize if that wasn't going to happen and whether or not that's truly, you know, you talk a little bit about the times when it's actually healthy to disengage.  Viola Neufeld: Yeah. Because you know I mean here's the sobering thing, is that we only have in our life what we tolerate. And so at a certain point it is that we go: This is who I am or I want to be sexually active, and that's really important to be in an intimate relationship. And if you're not there if that's not what you want, we're in real difficulty and I don't know what to do. Or let's say, "I want to be in relationship with somebody when I know that I have reason to trust them and I can believe them. And you have shown me on numerous occasions that I don't have evidence to trust you. And we are in a situation that I don't know if we can continue to go forward because this is what I need in my life." See, then you go back to differentiation where you really hold your own and you go. This is what I need from a partner. And if you're not that person, then I don't know where we're going to be in the future. So then there are other ones where, let's say you know, you know that the other person continues, regardless of how many times you say what's important to you and what really matters, it actually seems like the other person, if they really if that really doesn't matter to them then you are in a situation where you have to go, "OK. Am I going to continue on with this person or am I not?" Because you can't continue... Or let's say somebody continues to be hurtful and harmful in their actions towards you. And regardless of what you said they don't make the changes. Well then the writing is on the wall as to your future. You have to make decisions for your own safekeeping and for your own health. Going forward.  Neil Sattin: Yeah, and I think one place where that can get tricky is: I think we can be too quick maybe to make that decision, if we're in pain and that's the interesting thing about what we're talking about. Is like just because you're having conflict and uncomfortable that that isn't necessarily a sign that this isn't a healthy environment for you to be in. It may be that there's more healing for you to do or more growing for you to do. And I think that can be tricky to know, like, actually this isn't about me growing or healing something this is just about kind of a core place where I stand.  Viola Neufeld: Yeah, I mean, that's where it can get confusing for people to know whether it's just that it's theirs or if it has to do with the other person. I lost it there when I was going to say you and I'm sorry. Neil Sattin: That's OK. And I'm wondering if you have any hints for how someone can do that diagnosis about like have they gone deep enough in terms of their own inner work? Viola Neufeld: Yeah. So Neil I know what it was I was going to say because, what's the reason for moving on? So if you have not looked at your own stuff and you just think it's the other person then maybe moving out of the relationship is premature. If however you've actually looked at your part of the problem, your contribution, and still you're not getting from your partner what you need, then that's a different thing because you're not just leaving because of hurt and because of self blindness. You actually see it. You're doing the work. But the other person is not in a place where they're wanting to see more of themselves. And then maybe it points to a different future, but it's why are you leaving? Have you really seen what you need to see about yourself? Because then you can make a clear decision.  Neil Sattin: Right. I love what you just said how crucial it is to identify your contribution and to change to address that. That is what we've been talking about all along. It's the ways that we show up and we create the dance that's happening or do our part to create the dance that's happening.  Neil Sattin: Well Vi Neufeld it's been so great to chat with you about conflict and I feel like we should have argued more or something like that. I'm really appreciating your work. And so can you just tell us a little bit more about the different kinds of things that you offer? Obviously your book grateful for the fight is there for people on Amazon, it's a great read and really a useful tool for self discovery and transforming your approach to conflict. And I don't know about you, but if you can imagine like how tense and how much it can shake up your inner world to know that you're heading into conflict and just how different it can be to imagine stepping into a conflict knowing that you've got you, and that you can take care of yourself. This book is a really helpful part of creating that experience. So I appreciate your work in that way. But, what else are you doing with people? Viola Neufeld: Well I was just going to say that I think one of the real benefits of doing this work is that you end up liking yourself more and you have better relationship. That's the end result. So yes, you know if you... Other things I mean there's all kinds of work. It's always having to do with sorting through relationships and extended families and with couples and in organizations. If some of you want to have a little scale that you can work through and it would be a little handout on enhancing relationship vitality, if you want to do that you can contact me and I'll send you a concept or I'll send you a handout if you like to do that. It would be a way of, you know how you always have ideas about who you think you are in relationship and then who your partner is. This is a way of actually going through a number of indicators and you can do a scoring at the end, which will tell you you know it'll shine some light on who's contributing in what areas and see if your yourself perceptions are accurate or not.  Neil Sattin: Well I'm definitely going to to take your quiz. So, make sure that I get my hands on that as well. Yes. If you want to get a copy of the enhancing your relationship vitality inventory, then you can visit Vi Neufeld's web site which is transpectives.com, and I will have a link to that in the show notes, which you can get by visiting NeilSattin.com/conflict or texting the word "passion" to the number 3-3-4-4-4. And following the instructions.  Neil Sattin: Vi Neufeld thank you so much for being here with us today. It's been such a treat to chat with you.  Viola Neufeld: Thanks so much Neil.  

It’s time to do the Time Warp again! This week, we welcome the Queen of Camp, the Sultan of Spook and our favorite Creature of the Night Michael Varrati, to get down and filthy as we discuss The Rocky Horror Glee Show. Michael gives us a lesson on the history of the beloved cult musical, and we desperately try to forget Will Schuester’s manipulation tactics, the assassination of Emma Pillsbury, and Sin-sational, Transylvania. We’ll always have Sam’s abs.We discuss:2x05: The Rocky Horror Glee ShowStory by : Ryan Murphy & Tim WollastonTeleplay by : Ryan MurphyDirected by: Adam Shankman‘Jonathan Groff Channels His Inner Sutton Foster to Perform "Anything Goes”’‘Emmys: Jane Lynch and Luke Kirby Win for Comedy Guest Roles on 'The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’’‘Lea Michele Is Releasing Her First-Ever Christmas Album: 'It's a Great Explanation of Where I'm at in My Life’’Listen and subscribe to Michael’s podcast “Dead For Flith”Watch season 3 of Dragula on Amazon PrimeOutro Song: Shock Treatment (from the Motion Picture Shock Treatment)Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review! We are on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify and Google Play! Follow us on Twitter:@GleewindpodMichael @MichaelVarrati Jorge @colormejorge Michael @as_seenontv

In today's episode, host Jerrid Kalakay takes us on a journey into the concept of balance and how it applies to his life. Is balance possible? We have all heard the phrase "work/life balance," and is it possible what other types of balance do we truly need for the long-term. Jerrid proposes thinking about balance as different seasons and what is necessary for our lives for each season. Transcript Jerrid Kalakay 0:09 Welcome to the Teaching Change podcast, where we explore issues social entrepreneurship, education, and innovation. I'm your host, Jerrid Kalakay. So in today's episode, we're going to be talking about finding balance. What does that mean? How does someone go about finding balance? And is it even possible? So on a previous episode, we talked about basically recharging your batteries, and understanding the need to restore oneself to stay in the game for the long haul. And the finding balance everyone talks about work-life balance.Jerrid Kalakay 0:46 Is that a real existence? Is that even possible? You know, the thing that's difficult about finding balance is what are you finding balance with? So a lot of times people talk about their personal lifeJerrid Kalakay 0:59 and theJerrid Kalakay 1:00 Their work-life, you know, and then balancing the two or balancing one's family life with their friends' life, or balancing your work life with your family, friends, personal growth, all those kinds of things.Jerrid Kalakay 1:18 I think it's a work in progress for pretty much everyone I don't know if anyone has would say, honestly, they found complete balance because it's, it's an ever-moving target, right?Jerrid Kalakay 1:31 You feel like you're doing pretty well. And then you get thrown a curveball.Jerrid Kalakay 1:37 You feel like you're on top of the world, and then all of a sudden you backslide, or tumble down the front of the hill, all the way down to the bottom. And so it's kind of a constant struggle, a continuous battle to try to figure out where is your balance and where can it be I know for me in my life as a professor as a social entrepreneur.Jerrid Kalakay 2:00 As a father, as a husband, as a son balance is ever elusive, many times, I'm trying to continually figure out what's the right amount of work to put in here, whether it be in my personal life or whether it be in my work life, whether it be my, my academic life, so forth and so on. And I think that it's probably a healthy conversation to have with yourself, not only with yourself but also with your family, with your friends, if you have a partner, so forth to really try to figure out what, what right now and this exact stage of my life, what does balance look like? What could balance look like?Jerrid Kalakay 2:41 And I don't know if it's, I don't think it's going to be a perfectly balanced thing. Like I'm looking, I'm thinking about a seesaw, you know, and I'm, I'm looking for, you know, what point is a seesaw utterly horizontal with the ground. Very rarely have I ever in my life and all the playgrounds that I've taken my kidsJerrid Kalakay 3:00 too, and probably all the playgrounds I've ever gone to as a child myself, have I ever seen a seesaw exactly horizontal with the ground?Jerrid Kalakay 3:10 And so using that as a metaphor for life, is it possible to have a perfectly balanced life to have your work? Have your academics or your extracurricular activities, your clubs, your organizations, the things you do on the weekends, your family? All the requirements that go along with with having a family and so forth is is it ever going to be a possibility that it's going to be perfectly balanced?Jerrid Kalakay 3:39 I don't think so. I think the answer to that question is no. And the reason why I say that is because I believe at certain times, it naturally should not be in balance ultimately, right. You've got a deadline and work, and so that's probably going to, you know, coming up that's going to be it's going to take a little bit more energy from you.Jerrid Kalakay 3:57 One of your children gets sick if you are fortunate.Jerrid Kalakay 4:00 have to have kids, or we know one of your dogs or animals get sick or your partner gets sick, or you get sick, then you know, obviously that's going to take energy away from your work.Jerrid Kalakay 4:12 If you're pursuing if you're on a softball league or you're in a bowling league, or you know anything like that, if something goes wrong with that, and you're having a tough season or tough go of it, that might take more energy to try to try to remedy that situation try to get better at whatever it is you're trying to do. Right. And so I think it's natural to kind of oscillate between projects and activities and things that you're doing. And not necessarily be super caught up with everything has to be 5050, you know, exactly even across the board or 3333 33 and don't forget about the third and each one of those.Jerrid Kalakay 4:50 That's probably not a healthy way to do things. I think a much more robust is to realize that with each season, different things are going to be taking our energy andJerrid Kalakay 5:00 Our focus and so what we need to do, and what I need to do more telling myself than I am, my listeners are, is to realize that every season requires different things from us and that we need to be able to focus on those things and not feel guilty aboutJerrid Kalakay 5:20 that, and then paying more attention to one thing over another,Jerrid Kalakay 5:25 You know, realizing that the season will pass and that there'll be a new season and the new season will require something different from us. I think that's what right balances. I think, in the end. That's what we really matter. You know, what do we spend our time doing, and how we do it on a day to day basis is essential. But I think in the long run, it's much more critical that we're in balance.Jerrid Kalakay 5:50 On the long haul, you know, the long term for short term, so many things in this world, come down to the long time versus short time, you know, what can we get done now in the short termJerrid Kalakay 6:00 You know, whatever that looks like, that's a day, a week, 30 days, 90 days a quarter, or whatever it might be, versus the long term, you know, what, what will matter a year from now, what will matter two years from now or four years from now?Jerrid Kalakay 6:15 The short term versus long term folds into the seasons, and that concept I was talking about earlier with trying to figure out what the season of now is, and how you can find balance overall in those seasons. You know, with this being said, you know, I'm not advocating that anyone forget that they have a family for six months to get a project done at work. That's not what I'm saying. That probably wouldn't Bode very well for you, or your family, for that matter. Likewise, I'm not saying that suggesting that you forget about the fact that you have to go to work from you know, nine to five or whatever you whatever your work looks like because you know, something's going on in your personal life.Jerrid Kalakay 6:58 But rather, maybe thisJerrid Kalakay 7:00 It's a day or two that you need to spend in the office only and not worrying about other things. And perhaps or maybe the exact opposite is a day or two or so that you need to spend away from the office and not worrying about anything but your personal life or your family life. And being honest with yourself, and being honest with those around you, both your employer or the folks you work with, and also your family about kind of where you are, I think is right. And I think that's a healthy scenario. I think a lot of times people try to deal mainly, men that I know, myself included, try to deal with everything on their own. I know I get caught in that often. Where I'm trying to deal with things entirely by myself, you know, if I, if I'm not able to do this and work, then people will think less of me they will need they won't think I'm as productive. They won't think I'm as good as I would like them to, you know if I can't deal with something in my personal life and my family life. You know,Jerrid Kalakay 8:00 Well, what would that mean? So I mean, I'm not a good husband, I'm not a good father, I'm not a good son, so forth these all these kind of negative concepts, negative thoughts, that kind of go could go and permeate our mindsJerrid Kalakay 8:16 Exists when we're trying to find a balance that may not be exactly possible. But when we're open and we're honest with the people that are in our lives, whether they be employees, employers, people we work with in general, our families, our friends, about where we are and what season we believe we are in and kind of what's on our plate. I think that we will more easily find balance in our own lives and in doing so will be much more successful on all fronts. And so, I'm inquisitive I'm interested in finding out from you all as, as my listeners as our listeners.Jerrid Kalakay 9:00 What do you see balance? As? Do you believe finding balance is possible? What is finding balance mean to you? You know, one of the things that I grew up on as a professional in higher education was taught was in graduate school andJerrid Kalakay 9:20 in graduate school at Florida State University in their higher ed program shut out to FSUJerrid Kalakay 9:26 Not doing so well in football, but that's okay. They're still doing well in the classroom. So good, good, good going. But in Tallahassee, Florida, Florida State, I will I went there for my Master's in science in higher education. And one of the very first things one of my professors talked about was finding work-life balance, and how can we do that as professionals, and I remember thinking as a 20, something-year-old and a professional preparation program toJerrid Kalakay 10:00 To work as a professional at an at a, you know, university or college, and we're thinking, wow, you know, the, that's probably not that big of a deal. Like I don't need to worry about finding balance because I'm just going to go out and I'm going to do the best job I could do. And I want to make a name for myself this in this field of higher education.Jerrid Kalakay 10:20 And I dismissed it all. And I think a lot of my classmates did as well. I don't believe that any of us focus the time and energy that we needed to on having a conversation with ourselves about what that could look like. And I think partly because it's all in the abstract.Jerrid Kalakay 10:37 You know, when you start to think about what your life is going to be after x or after y,Jerrid Kalakay 10:45 whatever those x's and y's are, whether they're the graduate program, law school, medical school, college in general, after you get married, you buy your house, you you know, whatever, whatever those X & Y's are you, you start to thinkJerrid Kalakay 11:00 Somewhat intellectually about what that's going to be like, but you don't know what it is. It's all in the abstract. Right? You never you don't know what it's like being a parent until you become a parent if you happen to be fortunate enough to do that, you don't know it's like to get married until you get married. Right if you're lucky enough to do that, you don't know what it's like to buy a car house, you know, so forth like you, you know what it is intellectually, but fully, you don't have any idea. So it's the same. It was the same thing for me when I heard about the work-life balance in graduate school. And it wasn't until many years into my professional life,Jerrid Kalakay 11:38 that I start to realize that I needed to take some time for myself and my relationship.Jerrid Kalakay 11:46 And for my partner and for, for our life together and so forth. And it was a long, hard roadJerrid Kalakay 11:55 and lesson for me to learn because what I was basicallyJerrid Kalakay 12:00 Doing is I was trying to make the most significant impact in my professional life as possible. And so, you know, eight 910 15 hours a day, you know, working during the day and then going to events in the afternoon in the afternoon or evening for workJerrid Kalakay 12:22 was perfectlyJerrid Kalakay 12:25 Perfectly acceptable, not only accept the Buddha is encouraged. So I would work, you know, my nine to five, and thenJerrid Kalakay 12:33 I worked in campus activities, so I put up to put on events and concerts and different things, which is a lot of fun. But it also still works. And so I would get home at you know, midnight, or one o'clock in the morning sometimes. And I did this pretty extensively for the Liesl first, on a three-four. If you asked my wife probably ten years of my professional lifeJerrid Kalakay 13:00 I what I did in that is yes, I've made somewhat a name for myself at some level.Jerrid Kalakay 13:07 But in doing that, I also neglected a lot of things I neglected myself my well being, and I neglected my relationship, I neglected my life outside of my work completely.Jerrid Kalakay 13:25 And in the long run, that will never work. In the short term, it might have worked well in a particular focused area, but it won't work in the long run. And I and I still have a lot of colleaguesJerrid Kalakay 13:38 Who I knew from that time, that that seem to be still doing that same thing or the seem to be still trapped in that same rat race. So I encourage you to think about, you know, what, what does balance look like for your life? What season Are you in? have that balance, you know, where do you think you need more excellent stability? Where do you think youJerrid Kalakay 14:00 Let's balance. Do you feel like you're in pursuit of that, that balance for yourself? And I would, and I would argue that and ask you is if you don't feel balanced, do you feel rewarded by that imbalance or you burdened by that imbalance?Jerrid Kalakay 14:24 And that's pretty it's a pretty profound concept. So do you feel rewarded by that unbalanced? So if you are,Jerrid Kalakay 14:31 whether it be in work or your personal life, are you getting the rewards wherever they may be for that imbalance or are you being penalized or you beingJerrid Kalakay 14:43 Martyred or hurt by that imbalance? And realize that whether you're being rewarded or whether that imbalance is punishing you that the pendulum Chloe swing the other way,Jerrid Kalakay 14:57 that your reward today could be a punishment tomorrow.Jerrid Kalakay 15:00 vice versa.Jerrid Kalakay 15:02 And the pendulum swings. Like I said both ways, the door swings both ways the pendulum swings both ways, whatever metaphor you want to use. So what we're rewarded for today might be what we're punished for tomorrow.Jerrid Kalakay 15:16 And that's something that we all have to deal with, and we have to think about it. And so I would, I would encourage you to think about where's your balance? And where can your balance take you? And what does that look like? For social entrepreneurs for social innovators, balance is a really, really, really important concept. Because of balancing the the triple bottom line that people profit planets, they're they're balancing the social value creation, the doing well in the world, with the profit and the profit-taking models, the revenue, and so there's a lot of balance to be found in that there's a balance of the storytelling. How muchJerrid Kalakay 16:00 How much of the story do you tell versus how much of the money do you try to make? You know, and realizing that you as one individual, as a social entrepreneur, social innovator can't do everything all at once? Right? You've got to build a team. Again, that is balanced. And soJerrid Kalakay 16:18 What does that look like in each one of your lives? I encourage you to spend some time this next week, thinking about that, analyzing that figuring that out. And then I will we will talk next time.Jerrid Kalakay 16:34 Thank you for helping me kind of figure out some of my balance. This is an I have not done a single show. Just by myself in a while, I've had only guests on, and this week, I thought that we would like that I would analyze balance a little bit with you all, just as Jerrid Kalakay not as Jerrid Kalakay interviewing someone so I appreciate it. Hopefully, you enjoyed this episode.Jerrid Kalakay 17:00 Your listenership, you probably noticed that we'd redone our website we've redone Teaching Change podcast calm. We've also rebranded some of our stuff for our third season, which debuted last week.Jerrid Kalakay 17:15 Appreciate and honor your journey with us, and if you dig our podcasts you dig the show, please leave us a review on iTunes or Stitcher, or the highest compliment would be to share us with one of your friends. Till next time, be nice and change some stuff 

Paul Dickinson founded CDP in 2000 with an ambition of creating a global economic system that operates within sustainable environmental boundaries and prevents dangerous climate change. CDP represents over 650 investors with assets of over $80 trillion, and it uses this authority combined with the buying power of over 110 large corporations with annual purchases of over $2.5 trillion, to persuade over 7,000 large companies to report on their greenhouse gas emissions as well as strategy on climate change, water use and the drivers of deforestation. CDP makes most of this data available to the public and service providers like Bloomberg, MSCI and many others. In addition, over 600 large cities and 100 states and regions with aggregate over 1 billion inhabitants report annually on their environmental performance through CDP, which is a charitable organisation operating in 80 counties from nine offices around the world. Paul Joins Sustainable Nation to Discuss: The corporate sustainability movement and the trends we are seeing in GHG emission reporting How CDP has integrated new frameworks such as TCFD and science based targets into the CDP reporting program The evolution of CDP and what the future may hold Advice and recommendations for sustainability leaders Interview Highlights: CDP, the largest climate change focused data collection and assessment program, really has changed the game on corporate emission reporting and municipality emission reporting. Can you give us a little overview of the state of greenhouse gas emission reporting right now? Are we seeing increases in the numbers that are reporting or decreases? Are we seeing more transparency or more ambitious goals? Just give us a high level overview. Sure. I'll just step a little bit into the way we collect data because it's part of the story. We collect data by representing investors, a very large group of investors - 650 investors with around $90 trillion. So, companies are reporting to their investors through us, or they're reporting to their customers through us, because we have a big supply chain business. The reason I mentioned that is because one of the things that's happening in reporting is it's getting bigger and bigger and more and more normal. At CDP, we're in our 15th annual year of global reporting from corporations. So, one of the trends is you have a big increase in reporting and it's been supported very much by Mark Carney and Michael Bloomberg, who together chaired the Task Force on Climate Related Financial Disclosure (TCFD), which was also set up in response to an invitation from the Financial Stability Board representing the G20 central banks and regulators. So, the TCFD has provided improved guidance on how companies should report on climate change. CDP redesigned itself completely around TCFD so that thousands of companies are now reporting on TCFD through the CDP platform. You asked me if emissions are going up. They were kind of plateauing and then unfortunately we had some radical changes in government. The previous US administration was really working hard to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and was being quite successful. The Trump administration has gone in a crazy opposite direction. After the Paris Agreement of 2015, which was very much a creation of the United States and global diplomacy, the Trump administration has indicated it intends to pull out of the Paris agreement, although it won't actually be able to unless they win a second term. So, we've definitely had some setbacks from some crazy removal of regulation, which is allowing greenhouse gas emissions to rise again. My 19 years working full time climate change has taught me that you get these crazy setbacks often when industries that are suffering want to lobby a bit, but we get over it and then we get back on track because we have no choice. You can't argue with the science. You mentioned the Task Force on Climate Related Financial Disclosures (TCFD) and how more investors want to know the climate related risks of the companies they invest in. Can you talk a little bit more about how CDP is incorporating that into your program and other aspects of TCFD like climate scenario analysis? It might be helpful for our listeners to understand the difference between CDP and a lot of other things that are out there. We really respect TCFD and we think it's great. TCFD is guidance for how a company should report on climate related risks, presumably through the annual report. You have organizations like the GRI who provide guidance for how you should report on various issues through your annual report or your sustainability report. SASB provides guidance on how you should report in your annual report or sustainability report, and how you should evaluate performance. We have a subsidiary called CDSB which is committed to advancing and aligning the global mainstream corporate reporting model to equate natural capital with financial capital. So, there's a lot of guidance out there about how you should report. The difference with CDP is that we are a specific reporting platform. We run large scale information technology in multiple languages globally. So, we run a kind of parallel mechanism to the annual report or the CSR report. If you think about it, a big US corporation like Microsoft will have to report to the SEC on its financial results. Or, A big German company like BMW will have to report to the German government on its financial results. Or, a big Japanese company like Toyota will have to report to the Japanese government on its financial results. CDP provides the same thing as those different governments, but a single global platform where corporations, and as you observed also some 600 cities and 100 states and regions, report annually on their environmental performance into our databases. That data then goes out to the Bloomberg Network, MSEI and various other places. So, what we did with TCFD is we took the guidance of TCFD and we turned that into the specific questions we ask corporations. There are hundreds and hundreds of companies that have adopted TCFD and are putting that advice into their annual reports. But thousands of companies are answering the specific TCFD questions into the CDP databases and then we make that available to the market. Another trend of course are science based targets. The IPCC latest reports say the objective should be to limit the global warming to one and a half degrees above pre-industrial and companies now or are adopting the science based targets for their operations and doing what's necessary to help meet that that global goal. Is CDP also incorporating science based targets or maybe giving the higher letter grades to companies or organizations that are using these science based targets? You have it exactly right. That's exactly what we're doing. First of all, we absolutely love science based targets and CDP strategy is very much designed around the massive implementation of science based targets. We are very proud members of a broader consortium, including WRI and many other NGOs developing ever improving methodology for setting science based targets. For those who don't know what science based targets mean, it's like the end of incrementalism. In the early parts of my career at CDP, big companies with huge emissions would say, "Oh, we're recycling our paper." Well there's nothing wrong with recycling your paper, but if you've got 10 or 15 million tons of CO2 coming out of your operations, that's a much bigger issue. Science based targets mean that you can be confident that the company is reducing its emissions in line with what is required to keep us below 2 degrees, and in due course, changing that trajectory to make sure we stay below one and a half degrees. I just also want to mention that, yes it's true, CDP scoring reflects improved scoring for compliance with the science based targets. But interestingly, we've been working with the French government and others on something called ACT, which means Assessing the low-Carbon Transition. Really, you've got two methodologies to think about: 1) the methodology the company needs to follow to deliver on its science based targets and 2) the methodology the investor needs to use to evaluate how well the company is complying with that objective. What is one piece of advice you would give other sustainability professionals that might help them in their careers? Authority is taken and not given. We in the sustainability community are on the winning side of a very long and protracted argument. Stay close to marketing. Recognize that you can add value margin and market share by using sustainability marketing. Also, give orders in your organization politely, effectively and seductively. Achieve the necessary outcome, but recognize that it is not enough to say you're doing your best. You have to actually succeed in doing what is necessary. What are you most excited about right now in the world of sustainability? I'm excited by the public demonstration of passion and enthusiasm for sustainability. I'm going to answer your question by sticking to my core passion. Before I actually got involved in climate change 20 years ago, I was kind of involved in the early days of the information and communications technology revolution. I do in fact delight in fiber optic cable and the capabilities of video telephones. When are we going to have a broadband video telephone with eye contact. We're still a long way away from getting that. Where I'm going with this long rambling answer is the concept of dematerialization. We need to dematerialize economic growth and information and communication technology can help us do it. What we need is our big friends in Google, AT&T, Apple, Microsoft, Sony to recognize that they are part of the solution, not part of the problem. The future is going to be moving electrons and not assets. What is one book you'd recommend sustainability leaders read? I would strongly recommend you read the book Dark Money by Jane Mayer. It's a New York Times investigation into the manipulation of public debate on sustainability by certain private companies. It helps frame the level of the problem of why the public is not always so receptive as you might expect to putting money behind their own survival. It gives an indication of what to avoid in terms of sustainability bad instead of sustainability good. It's just a forensic political analysis which will help people to understand aspects of contemporary politics, which they might otherwise find difficult to understand. What are some of your favorite resources or tools that really help you in your work? Well, the number one has got to be CDP website. Please go to cdp.net. That's a great resource where you can see what thousands of companies are doing. I would also encourage people to check out another UK based NGO called ShareAction: https://shareaction.org/. Beyond that, there's so many different ways to answer the question. Have a think about tuning into a new podcast called Outrage and Optimism, which I've had the privilege to launch with my colleagues. We have our first interview with David Attenborough, who's got a new series on Netflix. Where can people go to learn more about you and your work at CDP? cdp.net. Please also have a look ShareAction, this other NGO that I mentioned in the UK. If you're in the UK, download GIKI, which is the company that I'm the director of which I'm very, very fond of. Have a look at Influence Map, which is an NGO I'm involved with. Have a look at the Findhorn Ecovillage in Scotland where I convene events. But at the end of all of that, my primary job where I work 80% of the week is at CDP. I would really welcome anyone listening to this podcast to go to cdp.net. About Sustridge Sustridge is a sustainability consulting firm providing consulting in sustainability strategy development, GHG emissions calculating and management, zero waste planning and guidance in TRUE Zero Waste, B Corp, LEED and Carbon Neutral certification.

This week, I was accompanied by Ryan Doyle (Digital-first AE) and Shezeen Ali (Customer Success Manager) to discuss a few companies that try to expand outside the scope of their main product offering to seize up some auxiliary revenue. Facebook is getting into crypto, Salesforce wants a cut of the CDP game, and Sony wants to give you a ride. Stay in your lane!       TRANSCRIPT: [0:00:17] P.J. Bruno: Hi, again. Welcome back to Braze for Impact, your MarTech industry discuss digest. I'm your host, P.J. Bruno, and with me today...two close friends. I have to my left here Shezeen Ali, to my right, Ryan Doyle. Ryan of sales, Shezeen of success. Hello to you both.   [0:00:35] Shezeen Ali: Hello, thanks for having us.   [0:00:37] Ryan Doyle: Great to be here.   [0:00:37] P.J. Bruno: Yeah, thanks for coming on short notice. I just realized I'm going to be away next week, so we need to get into this week and I don't know what brought us about this topic, but this week's topic is, stay in your lane.   [0:00:50] Ryan Doyle: Stay in your lane.   [0:00:50] P.J. Bruno: And we're going to be discussing different companies that are trying to expand their company operations and revenue streams into, maybe, some things that are more trends, but definitely opportunities.   [0:01:00] Ryan Doyle: Right.   [0:01:00] P.J. Bruno: How you doing, bud?   [0:01:01] Ryan Doyle: I'm doing fantastic. It's a back to back to back day with customer meetings. I'm glad that we got to do some of the stay in your lane content because I haven't even had a chance to digest some of the stuff that's gone down this week.   [0:01:13] P.J. Bruno: Be a good refresher. Shezeen, how we feeling?   [0:01:15] Shezeen Ali: I'm feeling good. You know, it's been a good week. This morning I had some good calls with clients and I feel that...I'm a customer success manager for those of you who don't know, and I feel that it's really fun when I get to put my own experience into my client's questions. This morning, I have to tell you guys, because I just felt so cool, a client asked me...a dating app client, was just asking me some questions. And it was so cool because I got to tell them how I use their app, what I think about the space, what I think about New York City, you know?   [0:01:46] P.J. Bruno: A dating SME.   [0:01:48] Shezeen Ali: Yeah. What I think about New York City dating, which is where they're targeting their customers, and it was just really fun. Guys, I just love my job.   [0:01:58] P.J. Bruno: That's awesome. That's great that you were equipped with the advice, too. As this is the stay in your lane episode, let's jump right into our lane right now and get going. In case you haven't heard yet, Facebook is moving into cryptocurrency. Their subsidiary, Collibra, will offer a digital wallet for the coming Libra Coin. Now, you turned me on to this, Ryan, and as soon as you did I just started digging and learning a ton about it. It's an interesting topic and Facebook moving into something as secure as sharing money, or currency, it's a little scary, actually.   [0:02:33] Ryan Doyle: When they've been so loosey-goosey with our data before.   [0:02:35] P.J. Bruno: Right, exactly.   [0:02:36] Ryan Doyle: And I think we've all seen how this space is also ripe for scamming and really bad things going down where people take the money and run. And what could Facebook do? Given some of the secrecy around cryptocurrency.   [0:02:48] P.J. Bruno: That's what I'm saying. I think they need to repair some trust before this happens. But quickly, let's kind of digest and understand what it is. Obviously, we know the popular cryptocurrency, which is Bitcoin, and the whole idea behind it is it's not run by any sort of government body. And their trying to do the same thing with Libra, but further than that, it's not governed by any one anything. It's governed by all the different data miners. They all need to validate and approve every transaction. The whole point of crypto is it's decentralized. Libra, it seems like, it is centralized in a way. It's not a government body, but with Libra came the Libra Association, which is 28 companies that will partner in governing the currency. The likes of Uber, Lyft, Spotify, Visa, Ebay, PayPal, Stripe, Vodafone and more. And each company has an equal vote when it comes to decision making, but Facebook owns subsidiary Collibra, which will be the app that the sharing will happen through. It's tricky business because, yes, no government body is ruling it but... A large group of corporations, and obviously, they each have a vote and there's checks and balances but there's no sense of protecting the consumer as much as protecting their own hides.   [0:04:05] Ryan Doyle: I would say first and foremost, in the old crypto paradigm you described, it's the miners and the people supporting the transactions that get the earnings of the newly minted Bitcoin, or whatever crypto they're working within. It's not just in this Libra example, something that is governed by a consortium of companies, but they are also going to earn a percentage on every transaction that comes through. So, it's less of Facebook saying, "Hey, we are going to make something great that the whole world and the un-banked can use." And more like, "We're going to start putting out our own currency now, we're going to make some money off of it, and we have the reach to hopefully make it successful." I think that it's a little bit of a wolf in sheep's clothing, and I would prefer Facebook didn't go this route because I'm really scared of them.   [0:04:52] P.J. Bruno: Yup, terrifying.   [0:04:54] Shezeen Ali: I think when I read that some of those partners are governing the currency, like you said, I kind of thought, "Oh, maybe this is okay, because we have some big companies here and they don't want to have their name attached to something that's going to go horribly wrong." But I still think Facebook claiming that they have some sort of process to verify the identity of users...I feel like we need to see that, before we actually trust it.   [0:05:16] P.J. Bruno: Right. Already, House Financial Services Chairwoman Maxine Waters, a California Democrat, called on Facebook on Tuesday to halt development of Libra until legislators have a chance to evaluate the plans, and take action. So they're kind of already getting warning signs, and stop signals from various politicians. It's also been flagged to me that there's other associations that would be concerned with this sort of thing. The whole point was that, with Bitcoin, there's no agency as far as the governance. But now that we have this group that's kind of monitoring the governance, that comes with responsibility. And so, Libra is a permissions-based system, and the validaters are known, and I don't think they're ready for the implications. Because the U.S. Treasury has regulations and there's the know your customer and anti-money laundering laws and money made from currency exchange volatility, these are taxable events. So there's even more implications as far as IRS holding payment processors accountable. It just feels like there's a lot more-   [0:06:17] Shezeen Ali: It's complex.   [0:06:18] P.J. Bruno: Oh man, there's a lot at play. There's a lot of hoops to jump through and, for my call, I hope that it's enough to shut the thing down. Because even if you frame it as this thing that could be better for the world, right? Non-government run currency, the idea...I love it. But you still have to earn back some trust after Cambridge, you know?   [0:06:37] Ryan Doyle: Right, and you see that the House Oversight Committee has already tried to bring Facebook to Capital Hill to have them testify before, and they just did not understand Facebook's business. The senator asked, "How do you make money if you're not charging users?" And Mark Zuckerberg says, "Senator, we run ads." They just don't understand how Facebook makes money. What won't we understand about them once they get this? If they have it their way just one more time, what's going to happen now? In a bubble, it seems cool. Maybe even safe. But even the U.S. Dollar is used to do bad things. What happens when the currency here is out of the consortium's hands and out into the world? Who will use it to do the next bad thing? Even when the money was coming directly to Facebook, they still accepted those Russian ads to influence the 2016 election. Stay in your lane.   [0:07:24] Shezeen Ali: What made Facebook, do you guys think, even want to venture into this avenue?   [0:07:29] P.J. Bruno: They see the opportunity in it, you know? And I think maybe to them it seemed like the cross-hairs of...honestly, opportunity for control but also an opportunity to seemingly give back. The whole idea philosophically, is making governments the bad guys, because they are controlling currency. So I think that's the positioning for it, but still it's not enough.   [0:07:52] Ryan Doyle: Yeah, I would say they're always trying to become a layer of the internet. So they've become a authentication layer for so many sites, they've become an advertising layer...a way to make money and sell space for so many sites. And now they're getting even closer to that money by getting into the financial realm. Think of how much their advertising business could be bolstered if they understood the financial transactions of two billion people, and think of how well their financial business would do-   [0:08:19] P.J. Bruno: Geeze.   [0:08:19] Shezeen Ali: I don't want them to know any of that, please.   [0:08:23] Ryan Doyle: So this is just one layer deeper for them, but a broad, reaching layer.   [0:08:28] Shezeen Ali: Those are good points.   [0:08:28] P.J. Bruno: I don't want them to see all the moisturizers that I purchase on Amazon. They wouldn't have access to that, right?   [0:08:33] Shezeen Ali: I hope not! I was genuinely confused why they went down this avenue so those are both very good points   [0:08:39] P.J. Bruno: And you know what, let's wrap this one up because I feel like we're staying on it awhile. But one thing I will say is a book that Ryan first read and shared with me, The Four, which just kind of talks a little bit about, really, the magnitude of the...for lack of a better word, treason that was involved in what went down with Facebook. I think people don't really understand the gravity of that. And there still has been minimal to...yeah there's been fines but, any other media company in that situation would be shut down immediately.   [0:09:10] Ryan Doyle: There's a certain likeability that protects them at the end of the day, I think.   [0:09:13] Shezeen Ali: Exactly.   [0:09:14] P.J. Bruno: Anyways. So Facebook, please-   [0:09:16] Ryan Doyle: Stay in your lane.   [0:09:20] P.J. Bruno: All right, next up. Ryan, you want to talk the helm on this one, buddy?   [0:09:23] Ryan Doyle: Salesforce lent its hand to the CDP industry this week. A long time legacy technology who has a history of acquiring and bolting together different technologies has finally announced that it would like to integrate those technologies by having a customer data platform. Customer data platform, for those listening and not familiar, is a way of tagging events, attributes, moving data around in your tech stack to different ends. Like Braze, even, where we could send them engagement data and they could send us customer actions as they occur. It's just a great way to make sure that data flows seamlessly between all systems and Salesforce has finally decided that they would like to do that even though they have preached for so long, "We're helping the next generation of marketing companies. We are enabling real-time marketing." To see this now, after CVPs have already been in a space for so long, it's just like, stay in your lane! What are you doing? You're already so far down this path. What makes you think this is going to work now?   [0:10:28] P.J. Bruno: In a way, it seems like a natural progression. Just because we talk about the Salesforce Frankenstein monster, you have so many pieces to the puzzle, the customer data platform seems like adding some grease to the wheels. Right? Because you're just going to ease the sharing between all those pieces, but you know, that said it is yet another layer that you're stacking across all of this fragmented ecosystem. We should have seen it coming, though, because they acquired Datorama in 2018 and then less then a year later, "Hey, we have a CDP." Do you have a CDP, or did you just purchase one, and slap a sticker on it?   [0:11:05] Ryan Doyle: Hot take.   [0:11:06] Shezeen Ali: Oh.   [0:11:07] Ryan Doyle: It's in service of saying that they are trying to stay next gen by releasing all these new features and now we can enable all these use cases, but to quote Dan Head, who just walked us through our legacy marketing battle card, or how we approach conversations with people who might be of a legacy marketing paradigm, "The architecture is just fundamentally misaligned with the purpose you're trying to solve for." So, in that sense it will never work.   [0:11:35] P.J. Bruno: Was that Dan Head, as played by Tom Hardy from Peaky Blinders?   [0:11:38] Ryan Doyle: Yeah, Alfie Solomons, in the Peaky Blinders, yeah.   [0:11:42] Shezeen Ali: So good.   [0:11:43] P.J. Bruno: Do you know how he closes every deal? He literally just slams the paper in front of...what have you got there-   [0:11:46] Ryan Doyle: Just sign right there.   [0:11:47] P.J. Bruno: Just sign, right there-   [0:11:49] Ryan Doyle: Your name.   [0:11:49] P.J. Bruno: And then I'll own fifty percent of Shelby Company Limited. Oh my god.   [0:11:56] Shezeen Ali: Wow that was great.   [0:11:58] P.J. Bruno: Peaky Blinders shout out. And so, we'll say to that, Salesforce-   [0:12:01] Ryan Doyle: Stay in your lane.   [0:12:03] P.J. Bruno: Stay in your lane, bro. All right, moving on. Shezeen, what have you got for us?   [0:12:07] Shezeen Ali: Awesome. Sony...which...you all know Sony-   [0:12:12] P.J. Bruno: Oh, we know.   [0:12:15] Shezeen Ali: They have officially launched a taxi hailing app to rival Uber, specifically in Tokyo. When I think of Sony, I think of all their electronics. I think of PlayStation, that's a big one.   [0:12:29] Ryan Doyle: Headphones.   [0:12:29] P.J. Bruno: Yeah, love it. PS4. That's like how me and Ryan became friends.   [0:12:32] Shezeen Ali: Oh, there you go.   [0:12:33] Ryan Doyle: Mm-hmm (affirmative) That's the only place we are still friends.   [0:12:35] Shezeen Ali: So I was pretty confused by this headline, so they actually announced last year that they were planning to do this, and then they have officially kicked off the service in Tokyo. It's called S.Ride. Essentially, what's going to happen is they're trying to rival Uber, and they've claimed that there are 10,000 licensed taxis in Tokyo. Because right now, the way that it works is there's already so many taxis in Tokyo, so Uber has already partnered with these taxi companies. It's there right now, and that's how they get these drivers.   [0:13:07] P.J. Bruno: So you're saying there's like a maximum number of licensed taxi drivers that can exist?   [0:13:11] Shezeen Ali: Right now. Apparently that's what it-   [0:13:13] P.J. Bruno: It's like alcohol licenses in Philadelphia.   [0:13:15] Shezeen Ali: Yes.   [0:13:15] P.J. Bruno: It's like you need to buy one or pass it on.   [0:13:18] Shezeen Ali: Yeah. And I'm not sure of how they could expand that, but Uber's already there and they're already doing it. And there's also JapanTaxi, which... I just went to Tokyo two months ago, and JapanTaxi was what everyone was talking about. That's like the...I guess you could think about it as YellowCab in New York, but most people just use that.   [0:13:39] Ryan Doyle: Is it app-based?   [0:13:40] Shezeen Ali: It is, yep. It used to not be, it used to not be, and then they integrated it into apps. I had a really bad experience with trying to get cars in Tokyo, you know, they have an amazing subway system. People talk about it all the time. It's like New York City on steroids. Definitely one of the more confusing subway systems I've ever ridden. No one it Tokyo speaks English, so as a tourist, which...they get a lot of tourists, some times it's late, it's like midnight. The subways aren't running anymore. Even though they are efficient, they stop running. So that's when I started to be really grateful for New York and our 24 hour subway system. And we were kind of-   [0:14:16] P.J. Bruno: No one speaks English in Tokyo?   [0:14:18] Shezeen Ali: Yes! Plot twist. Plot twist. No one told me.   [0:14:20] P.J. Bruno: I thought everyone would.   [0:14:21] Shezeen Ali: Nope.   [0:14:22] P.J. Bruno: It was like the end of Big Little Lies, I just got knocked on my butt.   [0:14:25] Shezeen Ali: So that was something no one told me before I went and I was pretty humbled by the fact that I cannot speak anything but English, pretty much. And so, using a lot of Google Translate, and also I was with my brother and his girlfriend but we both were like, "You know, we don't want to just stand on the side of the street and wait for a taxi to come," because we didn't see a lot, "so why don't we use Uber?" And so we did, it took a while to arrive and it was the cutest old man just showed up in his taxi. So it was like a fancy taxi, he was wearing a suit...he had to be 80 years old. Didn't speak English. And it was so bad. We got really lost and it was just not a great experience.   [0:15:06] P.J. Bruno: Really?   [0:15:06] Shezeen Ali: And he got super lost. And he was so embarrassed but we couldn't really say, "Are we going to get charged for this?" Because he didn't know what we were saying, he didn't even understand the Google Translate app that we kept showing him with the characters, so it's one of those-   [0:15:18] P.J. Bruno: But he was very cute.   [0:15:19] Shezeen Ali: He was super cute. Japanese people are-   [0:15:21] P.J. Bruno: Yeah, that's what you were paying for.   [0:15:22] Shezeen Ali: They're so respectful. They're so polite. They love tourists. So long story short is, I started to kind of say, "Oh, Uber in Tokyo? This is not ideal."   [0:15:31] Ryan Doyle: But what makes Sony think they have the special sauce to crack this nut?   [0:15:35] Shezeen Ali: That's where I'm kind of in a weird place right now. Where I'm like, "Yeah, Sony. Let's see what you can do." If you think that this is a...You know what? I'm speaking from personal experience. Maybe other people have had good Uber experiences but we...we rode it a couple of times and it was not great. So maybe they can launch a partnership with these taxi companies that will allow for, I don't know, a better app or maybe GPS...the better GPS system for these taxi drivers, because most of them are really old and they don't even have GPS systems. So you're kind just telling them, "Hey" and they're not using their phone when they're driving so-   [0:16:11] P.J. Bruno: Is this the one time that we allow somebody to-   [0:16:14] Ryan Doyle: To switch lanes.   [0:16:15] Shezeen Ali: I think it might be.   [0:16:16] Ryan Doyle: Sony, feel free to skirt? Merge?   [0:16:19] Shezeen Ali: Feel free. So I'm really curious to see what happens and-   [0:16:22] P.J. Bruno: Yeah, Sony it sounds like the lane is relatively open.   [0:16:26] Ryan Doyle: Wide open, yeah.   [0:16:27] Shezeen Ali: You'd think Lyft would do something but apparently they don't have...they've expressed interest in Japan but they haven't officially done anything.   [0:16:36] P.J. Bruno: I hope that means that on the inside of the cars that pick you up, the entertainment system is the bomb.   [0:16:41] Shezeen Ali: That's what-   [0:16:43] P.J. Bruno: That would be so good.   [0:16:44] Shezeen Ali: That would be the best.   [0:16:45] P.J. Bruno: PS4 in the back seats, what is up? I'm like, "You know what? Why don't you take me around a few more times?"   [0:16:49] Shezeen Ali: There we go. PS4.   [0:16:50] P.J. Bruno: I got to finish my game.   [0:16:52] Shezeen Ali: This came full circle. I'm hoping S.Ride can do something, but you know, JapanTaxi is also used widely, I did mention that. So if they can compete with JapanTaxi and Uber...we'll see. We'll see what happens.   [0:17:05] P.J. Bruno: All right, well I'm excited to see. We have one final one and this remains to be seen whether it was legit or a publicity stunt, because of all the back-tracking that happened. So I don't know if you had heard about this but IHOP goes to IHOB. So that's International House of Burgers, and it was to promote some of their new burger specials on the menu. And it received so much hate on Twitter and the internet.   [0:17:33] Shezeen Ali: I love Twitter.   [0:17:34] P.J. Bruno: The internet was disgusted. It literally chewed up International House of Burgers and spit it right back out.   [0:17:40] Ryan Doyle: They just did it with such fanfare. It wasn't like they one day said, "Hey, we're IHOB." They had this pomp and circumstance around releasing it where it's like something big's coming. Like the same type of hype that was built around the Segway when that first came out, and everyone's like, "It's a Segway." And everyone's like, "It's IHOB." They were-   [0:17:59] Shezeen Ali: I did think that the hype was overdone.   [0:18:01] P.J. Bruno: It's a serious Steve Jobs iPhone level hype.   [0:18:04] Ryan Doyle: Well, because of course, you need to...I feel like, for big releases, the hype is hugely important. But you also set yourself up for a huge fall. And that's what they did here.   [0:18:15] P.J. Bruno: This is not just a stay in your lane, this is a what did you expect?   [0:18:18] Shezeen Ali: But I will say, I had never heard this many people talk about IHOP in years. Unless you walk by one in New York City. I had not heard about, not really, it hadn't come up in conversations. So they got me talking, but maybe not in a good way.   [0:18:32] P.J. Bruno: Yeah, it's crazy because IHOP, think about how firmly that is situated in the American zeitgeist, right? IHOP is immediately, you know what it is.   [0:18:43] Ryan Doyle: Everybody's puked there once.   [0:18:44] P.J. Bruno: Everybody's puked there once, everyone's had subpar breakfast. And yet, sometimes you just get a craving to jump into an IHOP and just crush some buttered pancakes.   [0:18:54] Shezeen Ali: There we go.   [0:18:54] P.J. Bruno: But the response from the president of IHOP, Darren Rebelez, he said, "But we want to convey that we are taking our burgers as seriously as our pancakes." He said, "Most of the 1,800 restaurants still go by IHOP." Which means, I guess, and handful of them are going to go by IHOB.   [0:19:14] Shezeen Ali: I want to know which ones are IHOB.   [0:19:16] Ryan Doyle: IHOB. The restaurants for hobbits.   [0:19:19] Shezeen Ali: Now really, this doesn't help. Him saying that they're going to take their burgers as seriously as their pancakes just makes me even more mad. Why?   [0:19:26] Ryan Doyle: Because they don't take their pancakes that seriously.   [0:19:28] Shezeen Ali: Stick to pancakes.   [0:19:30] P.J. Bruno: I'm going to go ahead and say stay in your lane.   [0:19:31] Ryan Doyle: Stay in your lane.   [0:19:32] Shezeen Ali: Stay in your lane.   [0:19:34] P.J. Bruno: You know what, that's all we have time for today. Thanks for joining us everybody. I'd love to than Shezeen and Ryan for joining me, guys.   [0:19:41] Ryan Doyle: Thank you for having us.   [0:19:42] Shezeen Ali: Thanks P.J.   [0:19:43] P.J. Bruno: And thank you all for joining us as well. Take care. [0:19:46]

The authentic vibe continues with Estelle's "Lights Out" and Lila Ike's "Where I'm coming From." Daddy English also selects tracks from Oneness Record's "Lioness Order Riddim" and new music by Stevie Face. Listen out for the Rototom Corner and much more. Enjoy @ReggaeInTheCityPodcast @DaddyEnglishBI Facebook @ReggaeInTheCityUk #Gorilla #AimToTheHead

These last few weeks of school my schedule has been thrown off whack, but as school approaches the end it opens up my schedule to do more great things with Embracing Intensity and more! In this episode: What I've been focusing on this year. Where I'm headed into the new year. What I learned about myself on our last group call in terms of prioritizing my time.  Links: Embracing Intensity Community XPress Your Power Store

On this episode of Saturday Night Liv, I rant about all of my current life updates! Where I'm living, how much I weigh, what my life purpose is, how to lose body fat and more. If you have life advice for me, dm me @saturdaynightolivia on instagram and we can chat!

Reflecting on the first quarter of 2019. Where I'm at with my 90-day goals and what I'm focusing on (and letting go of) in this next quarter. Get your 2019 goal setting workbook https://kathorrocks.com/workbook/ Join my mailing list, the best place to be in the loop with coaching info, updates and anything else going on behind the scenes http://eepurl.com/dtbDD9

This was a great conversation. Me pal Bryan Sharpe, aka Hotep Jesus, is a very intelligent and thoughtful gentleman. This conversation is very special for those interested in how you can develop an authentic online persona that and still be able to channel influence and create an impact. We cover things like being genuine, relationships, how to manage your attention, business opportunities, even parenting. There's a reason that Hotep Jesus has the massive and engaged following that he does, and that's because he conducts himself thoughtfully, intelligently, and genuinely. This is a great opportunity to note the difference between someone who's been in the public eye for some time (Bryan) vs. someone who has only recently entered it (me). Where I'm rather dorky and rough, Bryan Sharpe conducts himself as his surname might suggest. Want more from Hotep Jesus? Twitter: @VibeHi Websites: http://bryansharpe.co/ https://coinbitsapp.com/ Book: Dominate Twitter --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/logocentrifugal/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/logocentrifugal/support

What if you had a way to improve your relationship in just 20 minutes per week? Working on your relationship doesn’t have to be heavy and time-intensive. It does require time and attention - but today we’re going to show you how you can utilize simple strategies in just 20 minutes per week to make marked relationship improvements. This week, our guest is Alicia Muñoz. Alicia is the author of the new book No More Fighting: The Relationship Book for Couples: 20 Minutes a Week to a Stronger Relationship. Her work with couples, extensive training in Imago and AEDP, and research has helped her craft fast and effective strategies to overcome common relationship problems that you can do in just 20 minutes per week. After today’s episode, you’ll have a sense of how to improve the quality of your time with your partner - and worry less about the quantity. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Resources: Visit Alicia Muñoz’s website to learn more about her work. Pick up your copy of Alicia Muñoz’s book, No More Fighting: The Relationship Book for Couples: 20 Minutes a Week to a Stronger Relationship FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict and shifting the codependent patterns in your relationship Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Your Relationship (ALSO FREE) Visit www.neilsattin.com/nomorefighting to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Alicia Muñoz. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. It's funny, we kind of fall into relationship a lot of the times. Sometimes it's when we're looking for someone and other times it can literally just fall into our lap, the spark of attraction or who knows what circumstance that brings you into connection and partnership with someone. And as we've talked about here on the show, often, though not always, in those initial moments things are easy, things seem to connect without too much trouble. You have the kind of sex you want to have, you have the kind of fun you want to have, and it sets you up for a potentially long future together. And then you commit to a long future together, only to find, sometimes not long after, that there's a little more to be reckoned with in order to actually be fit for long-term connection with another person. And that's okay, it's part for the course, it's just what happens. And of course, what we're focused on here on Relationship Alive, are the kinds of skills and awarenesses that you need so that no matter what stage you're in, you have resources available to you. So that you can get past whatever growth challenges you're meeting in the moment and take your relationship to the next level. Neil Sattin: And so today I'm really excited to share with you something that feels like a really practical manual of sorts, to help you in your relationship, written by someone who clearly knows what she's doing, knows her stuff, and also you can just tell by the words in her book that she has, kind of like me, an insatiable curiosity about what makes us tick and how to find lots and lots of resources and pull them together in a way that make them accessible for you. Her name is Alicia Muñoz, and her book, No More Fighting: 20 Minutes A Week To A Stronger Relationship, just came out. And I have to say, like I just mentioned, I've really enjoyed this book, both because it is full of practical ideas and wisdom for you as someone in relationship, but also because it covers such a wide range of possibilities. It's set up really so you can do one thing a week over the course of a year and we're going to dive into some of the contents, you get a sense of what we're talking about. But it starts with things that are a little easier and by the end, you might get to things that are a little more challenging, but in a good way. In a way that really helps you thrive in your relationship and push your edges a little bit more. Neil Sattin: As usual, we are going to have a detailed transcript of this episode. In order to get it you can visit neilsattin.com/nomorefighting, all pushed together as one word. So, neilsattin.com/nomorefighting and just click the download the transcript button. Or, as always, you can text the word Passion, to the number 33444 and follow the instructions. And as a special treat, we are going to also have a book give away. So to one of the lucky people who downloads the transcript in the first week after this show has come out, you will receive a free copy of No More Fighting signed by Alicia Munoz, the author and today's guest. Alright. I think that's enough from me. Alicia, thank you so much for joining us today here on Relationship Alive. Alicia Muñoz: It's such a pleasure to be here, Neil. Thank you for having me. Neil Sattin: You are welcome, you're welcome. And, as I was just saying, I was so impressed by the range of topics that you cover in your book, and I'm wondering if you could talk for a moment about... Just help give us a little context for where No More Fighting... Where that came from in your practice and in your life. Alicia Muñoz: Sure. Well, I've been wanting to write a book for many, many years and there's never really been enough time, but gradually through various opportunities that have come my way, this one presented itself and I just dove right in. I still didn't have time, I was still busy, but it really, in a sense, I feel like it almost wrote itself because I had so many... Well, like 13 years of experience working with couples under my belt, and just so much that I wanted to condense and share to help people get these bite-sized doses of support in order to work through challenging issues in their relationships. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And so 20 minutes a week to a stronger relationship. You're not saying that all people need to give to their relationship is 20 minutes a week, obviously. Alicia Muñoz: No. Neil Sattin: But you're giving them this 20-minute long infusion that they can bring into the week that can give them a little extra. A little extra boost, a little extra thing to consider, a little extra way to connect. Alicia Muñoz: Absolutely. And it is a little bit of sort of a carrot that we're dangling with that 20-minute promise, but if you do the 20 minutes, it can help you exponentially. So if you really invest that 20 minutes of time a week in sitting with your partner and following some of the guidance and some of the container tips that I give at the beginning of the book, then that will potentially help you connect in ways that you just wouldn't have a chance to connect had you not invest in the time. Neil Sattin: Right. And 20 minutes to a couple that feels super busy that can feel like a lot. Well, hopefully not too much, because 20 minutes, it's better than an hour, right? I can find 20 minutes. That's between flossing and brushing. I think I've got 20 minutes in there. But on the other hand, I think it also works out that if you're able to find that 20 minutes and carve it out in an especially busy life, or in a life where you're sort of missing your partner, that it's kind of like when you set a timer for five minutes to work on cleaning your living room and before you know it, 30 minutes have gone by. I think it has that same kind of impact where so many of your exercises will bring people into a kind of connection where they might hear the buzzer go off at 20 minutes and be like, "Well, let's set that for another 10," or something like that. Alicia Muñoz: Yeah, yeah. That definitely can absolutely happen. I think it's also important though, because with people that I've worked with, and well, with my own husband also. Having a time limit and having a container, can really be soothing to partners who have a low tolerance for extended dialogues or extended intimacy. I talk in the book about intimacy tolerance and that we really do all have different tolerance levels for intimacy. And this idea that, well, it's always good to have a high tolerance for intimacy doesn't really take into account the reality that it's neither good nor bad, it's that we have different tolerance levels for it. And so the 20 minutes is really there to protect both the person who gets flooded from too much, and to give enough of a dose of connection to the person for whom 20 minutes feels like 20 seconds. Neil Sattin: Right, right. That's so important how it creates safety in both directions. Yeah. And maybe that's a good place to dive in because I think so many people, they might find themselves in circumstances like that. And I know as your work, with your Imago training, that you're no stranger to couples who somehow find themselves in relationship with someone who seems exactly like the wrong partner for them. [chuckle] Alicia Muñoz: I'm not sure I've ever met a different kind of couple, but maybe that's just part of being a therapist, but people who come in, really have the sense of, "Wow, we're so different. How are we going to make this work?" Neil Sattin: Right, right. And there's this illusion, especially when they find out about your Imago match, that, "Well, why don't I just ditch this person and find the person who's not my Imago match?" But of course, it doesn't really work that way, does it? Alicia Muñoz: It doesn't. I think one of the humbling aspects of relationship is, I'm sure you yourself have experience perhaps at times is that we have an unconscious, so it's not so just... [chuckle] Neil Sattin: I was like "Yeah, we do actually." Alicia Muñoz: We do. That one took me many years to grasp, I really thought I was running the show and in control and could be in control and it was just a matter of being even more in control of everything, but I've gradually come to accept and surrender to the reality that I can't control everything. And that my unconscious makes choices or is drawn to things that I may not consciously be drawn to. And I would say drawn to, and certainly with my husband and previous partners, I think that plays a huge part in our love relationships. Neil Sattin: Right, right. How many times have you had the conversation with someone where they're talking about the person that they've met that probably isn't their Imago match, that there's someone who's perfect in every way, except they just can't bring themselves to actually be attracted to them and want to be with them. Alicia Muñoz: Yes, that is something I think we've all heard or maybe even experience, where it's like, "This is the perfect person and she's so generous, she's so kind. He's so thoughtful, and I'm just not into them." Neil Sattin: Right. But let's also protect our listeners from feeling like it has to be at the other extreme too. I think what we're advocating for is that blissful gray zone, somewhere in the middle where you are attracted in that unconscious cosmic sort of you could never have made it a happen way, but on the flip side, there are relationships that are so problematic or fraught with turmoil and abuse or lack of safety that they shouldn't be followed through or you don't necessarily need to stick with those people. Alicia Muñoz: Oh absolutely, yeah, that's definitely... It's a balance. And like you say, it's really that gray zone that we have both the conscious factors that draw us to somebody, and then there are these unconscious factors that through an alliance and through awareness, we can gradually work through and certainly learn to be more in collaboration with our partner around those. Neil Sattin: Yeah, that's a great word, collaboration. And getting to that place where you're on the same team with your partner. Do you have any special exercises that come to mind for you, that are about... What's coming to mind for me is something like when a couple comes in to see you and you can tell that they haven't yet figured out that the other person isn't out to get them. Like they're still operating in that paradigm where it's like they really don't feel safe because the other person maybe is actively undermining parts of them or they've introduced... You bring up in your book The Four Horsemen that John Gottman talks about. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling. So maybe there are some things that are undermining the safety of their connection. Where's a place that you like to start with a couple to help them feel that alignment or feel that sense of, "Oh, we actually... We're going to get a lot further if we collaborate like this with each other." Alicia Muñoz: Well, in Imago, and I think in a lot of other frameworks, it's pretty common to try to begin, even the initial couple session, with gratitude and appreciations. So from the get-go really trying to open the container of connection by helping partners focus on what's working and focus on what they appreciate. And that can be challenging when there are a lot of frustrations and there's a lot that's not working, and there's kind of a mental cash of negative assumptions about one another. But being able to bring to mind the things that you appreciate is one simple but effective way of resetting people to see each other through this lens of positivity. And so that's one and I have many others I could share with you if you wanted. Neil Sattin: Yeah, well, we'll maybe be able to bring them up spontaneously as we go through today's conversation. Alicia Muñoz: Sounds good. Neil Sattin: Let's set the groundwork for people though around... You mentioned already creating a space and carving out time. And this 20 minutes a week program that you have in the No More Fighting book, what is the context that's going to help people make the best use out of those 20 minutes? Alicia Muñoz: I think that really agreeing on a location in your apartment or your home or wherever you are and beginning to develop associations with that place, whether it's two chairs that are facing each other in your dining area or you're sitting on the ground in the living room on cushions, and lighting a candle or some sort of associations that you can develop with the location that help it be pleasurable for both of you. So I think that that's helpful. And then also the time containers, so agreeing on the 20 minutes and agreeing that you're both going to take up more or less 10 of those 20 minutes and share it. And then, if there's a point where you want to renegotiate the... Extending the container, then being accountable to each other for doing that, not kind of blind-sighting each other or just talking over that time limit. So I think it's really important to be intentional and conscious about the boundaries that you're setting, whether it's the location or the amount of time that you're going to be talking. That's going to create a sense of safety and, "Okay, this is going to be too much, and this is going to be a positive experience." It's really valuable and important to cushion this whole process in pleasure. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And then you also talk a lot in true Imago fashion about being responsible for who is the one who's actually speaking in a given moment, who's the one who's listening in a given moment. And I'm going to ask you a question that I haven't even asked Harville and Helen about, which is: Is there a way that you think is the best way to choose who goes first in which role? I always think it's kind of amusing when I'm... I probably shouldn't say this, but when I'm working with couples to just say, "Okay, this is what we're going to do, who's going to go first?" And you learn something obviously from watching that negotiation process between a couple, and yet there is a part of me that wants to help people out. So if they're sitting here and wondering like, is there an ideal way to determine who should? Alicia Muñoz: That's interesting. I would love to hear what Harville and Helen have to say about that. [chuckle] Alicia Muñoz: I actually learned somewhere at some point, probably in my Imago training or maybe from my Imago supervisor, or might have heard it in a workshop. But this stuck in my head that at least for the initial session, it can be helpful to... Whoever called and made the appointment. So whoever was the initiator, sort of the motivated one to create the session, that asking them to go first or saying, "Would you like to open?" Or, "Since you were the one who called, I'd love to hear from you first." That that can decrease the anxiety of the partner who's the... What we call in Imago, the draggee. There's always a dragger, I shouldn't say always, but often there's a dragger and a draggee. So, the person who was the initiator tends to be the person who feels more comfortable, at least breaking the ice. It's not always the case, but that's one way that I do it with the initial session. Alicia Muñoz: And then I think after that, I'll often say... And it's sometimes true, often true that I can't quite remember who may have started the last time, so I'll just say, "Whose turn is it?" Or, "Which of you would like to start?" Or, "Did we start first with somebody else?" And that way it gives them a sense to, if there's a feeling of inequity in terms of who speaks more, who starts first more, it gives them a chance to speak up and claim that space, that space to speak. Neil Sattin: Yeah. That makes a lot of sense too, just like there's safety in creating a time boundary, there's safety in knowing that, "Well, if I'm not the one to start today, I'll be the one to start next week." And knowing that that's going to be true. And before we go any further maybe we could talk for a moment too, about two little nuances, one being a good way to listen and the second being the sender, the speaker responsibility, in terms of being the one who's communicating. Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. Is that a question in terms of the good way to listen? [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Yeah. I think it would just be helpful for people who are new to this conversation and haven't heard the episodes that we've done with Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt to talk about Imago. We don't have to give them the whole structure, but just that sense of like, "Okay, this is how I know that I'm being a good listener. And these are like the little things to look out for and this is how I know I'm being a good speaker and things to look out for." Alicia Muñoz: Absolutely. Well, with the listening it's helpful to do the first step of the Imago dialogue, which is reflective listening and that's when you just take in the words, your partner's words, and reflect back, paraphrase back in your own words. But also using your partners words, what you hear them say. So, that's a good way to ground yourself in active listening, it's really focusing on the words and then paraphrasing the words back. And then just keeping in mind a neutral body posture, as neutral as you can voice, neutral to warm. And yeah, it sounds easy, but it can be quite challenging. So those are some tips for that. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And as the listener, if you find yourself starting to think about how you're going to respond to the person, then you've probably stopped being a great listener. And what about when you... Do you have any particular things you like if you as a listener notice, "Oh, I am starting to get a little judgmental or I feel my defensiveness coming up." Or, "I want to refute the things that my partner is saying." What are some ways, just that within myself or maybe I introduce it into the conversation, that I could bring myself back online into active, empathic, non-judgmental listening? Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. It always helps to agree on these things with your partner before hand, like these signals and just let them know, "This is what I'm going to do when I feel myself starting to go into my own judgments, my own agenda." To gently raise your hand or come up with another signal where you're letting your partner know, I need you to pause while I reflect back what I heard you say. So actually having a hand signal or some other visual signals can be helpful. It's also good to have your own ways of self-soothing, and that could be anything from just taking a very deep breath, exhaling, closing your eyes for a moment, or wiggling your toes around in your shoes or just bringing mindfulness to your body for a second or two. And those can all be good reminders to just get centered and refocused. Neil Sattin: Right, right. And just as a reminder, as Alicia said, you're going to do your best within the 20 minute confines of this time that you've allotted to take turns. So you'll be listening for 10 minutes and then you'll have your 10 at the end, but hopefully you're going to stick to the script in terms of... It's not like, "Well, that was horrible and now I'm going to blast you for 10 minutes." But you'll have a chance to also give your perspective and be heard. I think that actually makes me think of another good aspect which is, if you remember that your goal as the listener is to help the person who's speaking feel understood and feel like you really got them, like you really heard them, then there's a natural reciprocity that happens. That you can even ask for, because if you've done a really thorough job understanding your partner and they agree that you got them, then you can follow up by being like, "Well, now I'd appreciate it if you would really hear me, hear my perspective about this thing." And it gives you a chance to make the conversation also about that reciprocity. Alicia Muñoz: Yes, yes. I love that word. That's a beautiful word Neil, and I think that's the foundation, incrementally as you are generous with your presence and with your listening and with sitting on or just back-burnering your own stuff. It's something that really opens your partner's generosity and opens their heart and makes them much more willing to also hear you when it's your turn. So, it really will build the more that you... Well, it doesn't always happen, but ideally the more that you can stretch out of your agenda or your comfort zone, the more your partner can also do that as well, as they see you modeling that. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. I like that word generosity as well that you use, that you're in the position of modeling what you hope to receive from your partner. It's one of the hardest things, especially if you get to a place where you're feeling like, "I don't want to be the one who always has to give or at least not right now." [chuckle] "I just want them to get me for a change." Next time you should be the one to speak first then, that's all I'm going to say. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: And speaking of speaking, let's just talk for a moment too about the responsibility of being the one who's communicating. And this could be about a full range of things, your needs, your experience, your past, your present, what you hope for. But what are some ways to communicate that are the most likely to be generative and get you to some place new with your partner? Alicia Muñoz: I think that really getting clear on your intention before you speak is one of the biggest things that I would suggest people try. I have to do this for myself all the time. It's really important to be honest with yourself about why you want to say what you're going to say. And if you're in these 20-minute containers with your partner, taking a second or two or five seconds to take a deep breath and remember that you're in this process because you presumably love your partner and want to expand and grow as a couple, then that's really going to put a little bit of a buffer. It's going to help you resist the pull to get maybe couch a criticism in a seemingly neutral statement or it's going to help you to really say what you want to say in a way that's not blaming or judgmental. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Let's talk about that for a moment, because Imago has that process of the behavior chains request. Because I could already feel like the sticking point in me even though I know the answer to this, but it's like, "But wait a minute, what if?" Like, "The reason that we're here is because I've got some complaints about my partner." [chuckle] "If I didn't have anything to complain about, we wouldn't be here, all would be good." I want to be able to deliver these complaints in a way that it's actually going to create some change. Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. So the intention is the starting point and then actually operationalizing that requires accountability, which means that you can say something to your partner when you arrive 10 minutes late at our romantic dinner date I feel angry, I feel frustrated. And the story that I make up is that your work is more important than our relationship. And then, I protect myself by ignoring you and spending the whole dinner scrolling through Facebook and texting friends. It's like, I didn't say anything blaming right then, but I did get my frustration out. So it's kind of breaking it down in a way that you're identifying the trigger, when you do X, or I feel such and such a way when this happens between us, but then taking ownership for the different parts, the different components. So trigger, emotion, mental interpretation, my coping mechanism, and that's really a way to just get clarity around what's going on for you internally versus just saying, "You're so inconsiderate. I'm never going to arrange a date night like this ever again." Neil Sattin: Yeah. So let's just go into that break down for a moment because I think that was really helpful. So where you listed out the trigger and etcetera, etcetera. Can we identify what each of those things are? It sounds to me like a way for someone to really take responsibility for how they're feeling in the moment, and get at the crux of what their intention might even be when they're trying to communicate with their partner about something that's coming at them crosswise. Alicia Muñoz: Right, yeah. And this takes practice, so I don't want to give your listeners the idea that, "Oh, this is just going to easily come out of your mouth this way." It does take some inquiry and self-reflection and using your relationship as a kind of zone to experiment and learn about yourself. But each of those points, often we feel our feelings and we're so busy and maybe we're not aware of what triggered it, and how did I interpret that trigger and then what feelings came from my interpretation. And then, how did I then sort of defensively respond to my own feelings? So, we're not aware of all that. Often we just, we're going through life and we're just like, "Oh my God, he pissed me off, she pissed me off, this is upsetting me. That person is rude or... " So, it's really, with our partners, it's important to think about all those different domains and slow down enough to be able to consider what your experience was based on even just one moment between you. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. And I like that, how it opens someone up to that process of figuring out how their own story about what happened is what contributes to how they're responding to their partner, which also seems so important in those moments. So, I'm wondering now, this is making me think of... You have so many amazing little chapters in your book because it covers a whole year's worth of work. And I'm going to read through some of the larger headings just so our listeners can get a sense of what I'm talking about. It starts with things like self-care and communication, and getting your partner's world and intimacy issues. Now, I'm just giving you section heading, so each of these has two or three chapters within it that give you a vignette of a couple that's going through this particular issue. And by the way, I just want to say as a side note, your vignettes were really fun and instructive to read. And that is not always the case. I read so many of these books and often I just get lost in the vignettes or I'm like, "Why did you even have to tell me that?" But the way that you laid this out, it just makes sense. Neil Sattin: So you read the vignette and you're like, "Oh, okay. I totally get what Alicia Muñoz is talking about." And then there's some sort of meta level, like this is the exercise that we're doing and then there's the actual exercise with a little example. So it goes from those categories that I was talking about into, now I'm skipping a few pages, attachment issues, power and control, ruptures in your relationship, repair, money, parenting. I particularly liked the little chapter on blended families, which we have in our household. All the way down, and in the intro I said, "Yeah, it gets a little challenging at the end." So, at the end you cover relationship records, like addictions and dishonesty and wanting other people outside of the relationship and different takes on monogamy, so it really runs the gamut. What you were just making me think of though was the way that we take responsibility for ourselves and that also gets wrapped up in projection, which is one of those things where until you like... It's like when you notice that you have feelings and then suddenly you realize you're feeling all over the place like, "Oh, my God, I thought I was just like this rational automaton or whatever and going through life and it turns out I'm feeling all over." Neil Sattin: And then that might get enhanced once you figure out, "Oh, and actually I'm getting triggered all over the place." Once you know how to recognize signs of sympathetic arousal in your body, fight or flight, you're like, "Oh, okay, I get it. This is happening all over the time." So for me, projection was another one of those things, where I was like, "Wow" At first it was, "I guess I'm projecting all over other people all the time." I had to really think about that a lot. And then experiencing other people's projection all the time. So let's dive in there for a moment, if you don't mind. Alicia Muñoz: Sure. Neil Sattin: And what wants to come out, I think from my perspective, is I would love to hear your take on how do you get a sense of what's real and what's projection? And if you know what your partner is saying to you, is just so obviously them projecting their stuff onto you, how do you respond in a way that's going to actually be helpful in that moment? Alicia Muñoz: That's a great question. How do you know? Let me just start with, how do you know. Was it how do you know when you're projecting or how do you know when your partner is projecting onto you? Neil Sattin: Yeah, let's just pick one, because I think that either direction will be instructive. Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. Well, our partners are really the perfect people to help us understand our own projections. I think it's one of the benefits of being in a relationship is that they are going to feel as projecting onto them and they're not going to like it, and they're going to have a response to it. I'll give an example from my marriage if that's okay. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Yeah, great. Alicia Muñoz: So initially, when my husband and I were dating, I was never angry, I was always spiritual and I always felt very loving towards people, and I just... Anger was beneath me. So, I remember that at one point... But my husband was very angry, my then boyfriend was very angry, and I was always complaining about how angry he was and if you could just be less angry. And this made him angry. [laughter] Alicia Muñoz: So I remember a moment when he calmly said to me, "You know what? I think you're the one who's angry." And when he said that I felt this almost like flood gate of rage just... I felt it in my body and it was this visceral sense of almost wanting to throw up, it was just so foreign, first of all to be called out and then to actually feel it in my body, and it just kind of turned my world upside down a bit, that moment. We had these moments where... And I think what made the difference is that I'd done enough work and we had built enough safety, and we were in couples counseling at the time, to be able to at least consider the possibility that he was right, that I had this anger inside me that I was projecting out on to him. Alicia Muñoz: And then being able to consider that, gradually helped me to make more and more room to experience my own anger and to take more ownership and more responsibility for it. And then, of course, to begin looking at why I have such trouble feeling anger, owning anger. So it's a process, but I think being able to consider... Notice when something makes you very defensive and that's usually a sign that there's some piece of it inside you that you can take ownership of. It doesn't mean that your partner might not always or might not also... You might not be a little bit right about your partner, but to be able to kinda look at, "Oh, when I point my index finger at my partner, there are these three fingers pointing back at me, and how am I this thing that I'm blaming or accusing them of being." Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah, that feels like... Not that I do this, but now that we've had this conversation, I'm going to make a practice of this, which is, any time I think that my wife Chloe is doing something, I will ask myself, "How do I do the very thing that I'm sensitive about with her right now." And that becomes, I think you're right, an access point to just deeper truths about ourselves and to bring those parts of us online in a different way. Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. That's really brilliant. I think that's really a great tip and it reminds me a little bit of Byron and Katie's work, where you identify the thing you believe and then you turn it around, you flip it around to its opposite and consider that. So my husband is so angry, so the turnaround would be I am so angry. So it's that ability to look at the belief and then as you just said, you would do with your wife to be able to flip it around and consider how this lives inside of you. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Now, do you mind sharing in taking that on, and you can say I pass on this question if you want, because maybe your husband will listen and he'll be like, "That's not how it happened." But I'm curious, what did you discover about his anger in going through that process, because I'm guessing that he was angry at least at some things, right? Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, it was true that he had a lot of anger and a lot of frustration and exhibited anger in a much more visible way. And of course, there's the whole gender part of this, where men are generally socialized to be more expressive of their anger, but not of their softness and their vulnerability and their tenderness, and whereas with women it's often reverse. What we discovered was that as I own more of my anger, he didn't have to be so angry and he didn't have to carry as much of that in our relationship. But he also gradually... And takes time and took time, but gradually he could be more vulnerable and could be more tender and the softer, more typically feminine parts of him could come out and live and be a part of our dynamic. So things got more fluid, there was less rigidity around our roles and our emotions and how we express them. Neil Sattin: Yeah. We did have Harriet Lerner on to talk about the dance of anger, so I encourage our listeners to check that out. It's one of our earlier episodes, if you get a chance. And I think you're bringing up such a valuable point, which is that there is room for a healthy expression of anger for both people in a relationship. And the anger is so often sourced from something else, like a hurt or a fear or something that's being aggravated and being willing to be vulnerable can often get you to the exact same place. But in a way that actually brings you together with your partner. Neil Sattin: Yeah, actually I'm curious about that, because I know you've done a lot of work with AEDP, and we had Diana Fosha on and in fact, I'm going to be speaking with David Mars in a couple of weeks, to talk about AEDP for couples, which I'm super excited about. But I'm curious from your learned perspective about this, what is the AEDP take on anger? Because I know it's listed out as a core emotion, right? What's the nuance there between anger as a core emotion and anger as sort of a secondary piece that comes after you've been hurt? Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. Well, I'm not sure I can speak to it even close to the way Diana Fosha would or David Mars would, but my understanding is that it can be either a defense, hiding, sort of an underlying emotion like sadness or helplessness or fear, but it can also be an enlivening resource, feeling anger can be part of this core affect that we need to experience. And another emotion like sadness could be the cover for it or the outer coating of it that we use to avoid feeling the anger. I think it has a lot to do with how it's used, whether it's used defensively or not. Neil Sattin: Got it, got it. So you might look at your anger and try to diagnose it a little bit more. Am I trying to motivate change with this anger? Am I trying to protect myself with this anger? Am I trying to find a sense of power when I'm feeling powerless? Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. I think that's one way to try to work with it is to... I think also to really see how it works in your relationship, so is it... And how it feels in your body. When you're accessing anger that is more of a core emotion, and I'm not talking about acting out on the anger, but when I say accessing I mean more like you are able to feel it in your body, you're able to let it kind of run through you. It's something that will be like a release or it will open up new possibilities, it will help shift your sense of yourself as somebody with agency in the world. I think that that's really an important piece of it, is to look at how is how does this feel in my body and is this something that's helping me connect to myself and also connect more authentically to people in my life. Neil Sattin: Right. Because just hearing you say that I think back to that conversation with your husband, who is your boyfriend, I guess, at the time, that on some level there was probably a certain place that you weren't accessing in your connection with him. So having that moment of truth around your own anger enabled you to access something that you could then feed to your connection. Like here's more of me. Alicia Muñoz: Yeah, right. So it's about the authenticity and being able to access more parts of yourself, more authentically. Often we get locked into a limited range of our experience of our own selves, because so much of ourselves have been labelled or gone underground through conditioning or family conditioning or social conditioning. So I think one of the imperatives or one of the goals of our life force is just how do we feel more of ourselves within our body, how do we experience what it means to be fully alive, and anger is a part of being fully alive, and it can be part of what gives us access to our life force. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And we were chatting a little bit about that before I hit record, and now I'm super intrigued to hear more about your view on how we access more of that life force and bring it into our own lives, bring it into our connection with some... And you were talking about it earlier, now we're talking about it in the context of anger. Earlier we were talking about it in the context of pleasure, which is maybe a happier place to be talking about life force. [chuckle] Alicia Muñoz: Yeah, yeah. It's so funny, I was just like, "Oh my God, I wrote this book, No More Fighting, and here I am talking to him and I'm like, "Yeah, access your anger." [laughter] Alicia Muñoz: I think it helps to have examples because all this stuff can get very heady. Neil Sattin: Great. Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. So what was the question again? [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Give me some examples of ways that we can bring more of our life force online with our partners, but maybe it's first within ourselves. Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. Yeah. I think that it's easy to get caught up in adulting. And I think one of the dangers of adulting is that we start to gradually live for others and for roles and for tasks and accomplishments and sort of serving. And I think that our life force is... There's no reason for it, it just is, it's what children often have, they just have this joy and bouncing around and using, playing and creating and making noise and being original in the things that they do and being creative in the thing they do. As adult, I think it's very easy to lose touch with that. So, pleasure for me is one of the big ways that we can access our life force. And pleasure is that sense of like, I'm in the flow, I am laughing, I'm alive, I'm connected, I'm enjoying nature, I'm reading poetry, I'm savoring this food, I'm in the moment, just being this channel for joy and aliveness and presence. And I think that finding the things is not necessarily easy to do, but finding little things that make you feel that way is really the foundation of self-care. Neil Sattin: Yeah. So that makes me go in two different directions. One being, I know for myself, I have a sense and it's even connected in some ways to childhood, because I have vivid memories of the things that delighted me. And in fact we even had Julie Henderson on the show, she has this whole body of work around embodying well-being. And so much of what she talks about are these simple exercises that literally are things that kids do, but spelled out for the adults who are so busy adulting that they've forgotten how to blow bubbles with their lips or how to do crazy stretches or talk in gibberish or whatever it is. It's really fun work. I'm wondering for you... So there are these glimmer of like, "Oh yeah, I remember these things when I was a kid that used to light me up." And maybe that's a place to start for some people. I know I talk to some adults who are so overwhelmed with adulting, I like that word, I don't like the word overwhelmed, but adulting is kind of amusing to me. That they really can be in that, like, "I don't even know what brings me pleasure anymore." Neil Sattin: Or I think of an extreme example of someone who's been through some trauma, where they are shut off to their pleasure because they have to get through a whole, say wall of shame in order to get to the pleasure. So Alicia, crack open the door for us. If I were stumbling in the darkness, I'm so disconnected from my pleasure and maybe the only way I feel alive has been through fighting in my relationship, how do I get more at something that's more blissful and more sustainable? Alicia Muñoz: That's a great question. And trauma is so pervasive and there's so many different forms and ways that we experience trauma, and I think becoming an adult often is almost a form of of micro traumas in itself. I think that having a witness or witnesses, whether that's a coach or a therapist or even this podcast, it's a way of developing this community and bringing mindfulness and awareness to another way of being. So I think that if there is that, if there's a lot of fighting and there's trauma and you can't even access pleasure, it's important to find a connection or multiple connections, where you can safely be held as you process your grief, as you show up in the truth of your numbness, your regret, your sense of loss, your sense of feeling lost. I think that finding... It's very important, the connection piece is really important, the connection in the community. So being able to know yourself well enough and invest in yourself to create the community through resources like your podcast here Neil or books or a group, and also having coaches, therapists, if you have resources to do that or a group that you create locally. It's really important to be held through the difficulties that get in the way of being able to feel joy and to be witness in wherever you are. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. So I'm hearing you name things that might be those initial obstacles to getting to your joy, is that there could be some painful things that you're avoiding or have numbed yourself to. And as far as I understand, you don't get to just selectively be like, "I'm never going to feel sad or I'm never going to feel grief, I'm just going to feel happy." Like it doesn't... Alicia Muñoz: Right, no. That's bypassing. Yeah. Neil Sattin: Right, right. And you probably meet people like that, where they are happy, but there's something that feels... It doesn't feel very grounded in who they are. I'm thinking of times where I've been in experiences where there has been someone who's been like, "Oh, I'm so happy right now. Aren't we having such a good time?" Where I'm just like, "Are you having a good time or are you just talking about how we're having a good time?" Neil Sattin: And I love your listing of different options, different ways for people to get connected with support and identifying that connection is so much at the heart of a lot of the healing that needs to take place. It doesn't happen when you're isolated. And that, of course, can be why some relationships are so painful, because we feel isolated in them, even though we're with someone and yet we feel isolated. And that's another reason why your book is so powerful because it gives people just 20 minutes around a particular thing that brings them into connection with their partner around something, so that definitely is contributing to the healing conversation. Another thing that popped into mind too is, and it sounded like you had something to say there, but is the ability to just choose an accountability partner. Like just someone where you're like, you show up once a week and you agree like, "Okay, this is what I'm going to do over the coming week to honor my joy or my grief or whatever it is." And then you show up the following week and get to be accountable to this other person, helps you at least stay in conversation about and in process around those things. Alicia Muñoz: Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, it helps. It helps you to really have that human connection, somebody to bounce your thoughts off of, and to really have that attachment relationship, that can be so lacking in a lot of our histories, is just that kind of sense of even the secure attachment. So you're really kind of getting as an adult, you have the opportunity to get these doses of secure attachment. You can't do that in isolation, so it's really important to create those opportunities for yourself. I was going to mention that Amir Levine's book and Rachel Heller, their book Attached, that I really love one of the quotes in the book about this myth of independence. There's so much pathology, or there's often, we kind of talk about, "Oh, you don't want to be codependent." And I love the way that Amir Levine and Rachel Heller write about it, that when two people form an intimate bond, they actually regulate each other psychologically and emotionally, and that we are dependent, we are interdependent. And so, even if you're not in a relationship, it's very valuable to have those friendships or those bonds with other people where you can experience love and secure attachment. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And so just hearing you say that, I'm thinking that might look like finding the friends that you feel safe with to say like, "Hey, could we just get together and attune to each other?" And literally calling attention to that, that that's what you're doing. Like, "Can we just be together and meet each other's gaze and breathe together and then maybe we'll each share something about what's going on in our lives? I could see that being really powerful and super vulnerable for some people, so. [chuckle] Alicia Muñoz: Yeah, yeah. Well, we do it a lot anyway. So whether we call it out or not, I think it's being aware of yourself that when you call up your friend or you meet them for coffee and you're discharging frustration or you're excited about an accomplishment or you're feeling vulnerable about a new connection you've made and you're just talking and you're sharing and you're a friend. This person, even if you're not romantically involved with them, is listening and taking you in, that that is a healing moment and those healing moments are supportive of you. So I think it's good to just kind of see where that's happening and acknowledge it. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. And let's circle back around to the pleasure. I think that I don't want to lose that thread, because I'm curious, from your perspective, let's say, okay, I hung out with my friend Jerry the other day, I vented all my grief and I'm ready, I'm ready for some pleasure, but I'm still feeling a little alienated from me and what makes me tick and what feels good and how to grow that in my life. What would be a next step for me? Alicia Muñoz: That's a great question. This is a little bit of self-disclosure, but I engaged in this program called Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts, for a little while. And her, Virginia Thomas Howard writes a lot about pleasure, and she writes about it more in the context of women claiming and reclaiming their own pleasure. A lot of it really... Pleasure is so shamed in our culture and many cultures, and productivity is celebrated, and her sort of hypothesis, her theory is that women are literally built for pleasure. We have more nerves, more availability for pleasure than men. And so, to shut down, to be shut down to pleasure is really to be shut down to our aliveness as women. And then of course, the more shut down we are to that, the less we can take other people around us higher. I kind of see it through that framework, but I think it's also relevant to men, especially when you think about the fact that we all contain the masculine and the feminine within ourselves, no matter what gender we were born as. Alicia Muñoz: So I think that in your case, or what was the case of the hypothetical person, it would be about really connecting to your body, and not necessarily in a sexual or erotic way, although that could be a part of it. But to really connect to your senses and whether it's music or whether it's something visual or whether it's breathing or smelling, it's this idea that making time to enjoy life through your senses is an act of pleasure and it is kind of a revolutionary act because it's not anything you're going to get promoted for at work or people are going to slap you on the back for, or people are going to envy you for. It's sort of really approaching pleasure as a whole new paradigm. Neil Sattin: Yeah. I got a little lost in what you were saying because I was just like, "Yeah, my senses." And I was taking a moment to just enjoy like what does this world smell that I'm in right now? And I was just touching my hands with... One hand with my other hand and just feeling what that felt like. And noticing how much actually is available just in the moment to me, while we sit here on Skype together, and I'm not violating the boundaries of my monogamous commitment to my wife, by sitting here and just breathing the air and touching my own hand. Yeah, I'm reminded of when Betty Martin was on the show, this was back this past summer, I think. Are you familiar with her work at all? She talks about the wheel of consent? Alicia Muñoz: No, but I will go back and listen to that. Neil Sattin: Yeah, you might want to check that out. And one thing that she talks about is this exercise where you literally just hold a rock in your hand, and just touch the rock and wake up your hands, your fingers, to the gift of sensation. And I'm not really doing the exercise justice by describing it here, but it just reminded me of that. And you're also reminded me that I wanted to have... What's her name? Mama Gena? Alicia Muñoz: Mama Gena. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Yeah. I wanted to have her on the show, so I gotta reach out to her for sure. Great. Well, and you're also reminding me of one of the exercises that you talk about in your book that made me really chuckle, in a good way, which was the love catch. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: It reminded me a little bit of the positive flooding that Harville and Helen talk about, but can you describe how that game works? Alicia Muñoz: Sure. Maybe I'll tell you about the origins of it first and that'll explain a little bit. So I have a nine-year-old and we have ruptures, of course, around things like bedtime and homework and food and all kinds of other fun stuff. But one of the things that I discovered would help us work through a rupture was more physical. Sometimes we can do a little bit of talking, but we would go outside and just throw a football or kick a soccer ball and then my husband would join in. And so, we kind of brought this into the living room, because it's too cold to go out or it's snowing, we can't always do it outside. And then, gradually, my husband and I would occasionally do it where we would just try to add motion and movement to whatever we were doing, if we needed to process something or if we just needed to get a jolt of energy or connection, we would just pick something up and throw it. [chuckle] Alicia Muñoz: Throw it, throw it! Hopefully you're not too angry and not throwing it at each other's heads, but just throwing a ball or an orange or maybe not a shoe, but a pillow and then speaking words. Saying, "I celebrate this or I love this about you." Like the flooding in Imago. It really changes your body chemistry, so that it's not just an intellectual exercise, but you're getting into that pleasure that we were just talking about. You're getting into doing something that moves your body and helps the connection, not just be this intellectual exercise, it helps to be fun. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And I could see that just there's something about the mechanics of tossing something back and forth that is going to invite you into that playful space in your brain. Alicia Muñoz: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Neil Sattin: Yeah. So just in case people didn't totally get it, what is the love catch exercise? Alicia Muñoz: So the love catch exercise is finding something that is throw-able and throwing it at your partner, towards your partner, maybe not at your partner, and saying, "I celebrate our life together. I celebrate the amazing dinner we just had. I celebrate your gorgeous smile." And every time you say something, you're kind of tossing this orange or ball or pillow at your partner, towards your partner, and they're catching it and then tossing it back. So it's a way of reconnecting to that playful, young kid energy that we all have inside us. Neil Sattin: Yeah. I'm hearing the kid energy, the playfulness, the pleasure, the appreciations that we spoke about way at the beginning of our conversation, and also developing that resonance with your partner to help you feel connected. Alicia Muñoz: Yeah. Neil Sattin: Well Alicia Muñoz, thank you so much for being with us today. We kinda covered the gamut and I hope that's okay, I asked you some challenging questions, but I felt a little bit of licensed to do that because your book covers some many different areas. And I was like, "There's no way, I can't just single... Just dive into one thing here." But I hope that everyone listening got a flavor for how you operate and the gifts that you offer and your ability to synthesize so many different things. And I mean this sincerely, that as you read through No More Fighting, you'll see, "Oh, there's Dick Schwartz in Internal Family Systems, and there's Harville Hendrix in Imago, and there's Emily Nagoski talking about erotic energy and the brakes and the accelerator. And it's all in there and I love that. And so for you, if you're enjoying Relationship Alive and you're looking for a book that makes a lot of the wisdom on here practical in bite-sized chunks, then I definitely suggest you check out No More Fighting: 20 Minutes a Week To a Stronger Relationship. Neil Sattin: Tammy Nelson wrote the foreword to the book, she was also here on the show not too long ago. And yeah, it's so valuable and I appreciate the way that you're able to take all these things and make them accessible and actionable for people. As a reminder, if you want to download a transcript, just visit neilsattin.com/nomorefighting, where we will also have a link to Alicia's website, which I believe is aliciamunoz.com. Correct? Alicia Muñoz: That's correct. Neil Sattin: And a link, of course, to the book. And if you're one of the people who downloads the transcript in the first week, then you will have a chance at getting a signed copy of No More Fighting. And Alicia, you're also on Instagram, you were talking about how you're diving into that as a way of helping connect to people and also giving them, again, really kind of bite-sized morsels to help them in their relationship. Alicia Muñoz: Yes, yes. I am on there, my handle is Alicia Munoz Couples, and I post there almost every day, and I've actually started to post one minute quick tip videos. So I really encourage people to check that out. Neil Sattin: Cool, I will definitely check that out. Alicia Muñoz: Awesome. Neil Sattin: And we should link up there. I'm Relationship Alive Official on Instagram. Someone poached Relationship Alive and put up my logo and everything. Alicia Muñoz: Oh no. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: I know, it's horrible. Some interloper. But anyway, Alicia it's been just such a pleasure to have you here with us today and thank you so much for your contribution. Alicia Muñoz: Thank you so much for having me, it's been a pleasure to be here with you today.  

Where I'm at, where I'm not, where did the weekend go....how and why YOUR business needs a sales funnel. Flex Watches & Beyond

Where I'm planted today determines what I produce tomorrow.

Whoa! I actually came out with a #2 to one of my mini series... (wait, what's the plural form of "series?") So here it is, "Let's Talk Ethics" part 2! Where I'm basically talking about how the whole minimum wage thing works. Also, this is the first episode I recorded AND edited in Audition... so if it sounds weird, breathy, thumpy, or bad in any other way... it's because I'm still learning how to do this. So please don't hate on me, just let me know what I need to fix... and help me out if you have experience with this! And don't forget, a handful of changes are coming to the show with the 100th Episode!!! So be on the lookout for that. Thanks guys.

This is another episode that ran longer than anticipated. Someday I'll get these right, but until that day, more podcast for everybody! Topics include: - Where I'm at with my journey in voice acting. - My brief stint in radio, and how much fun I didn't realize I was having - A Thanksgiving adventure involving my wife, a hard drive, and a year's worth of comic art at risk. Thanks for listening! If you'd like to get in touch, you can find me on Twitter @JustChrisWood or on Twitch at the same handle. (PROGRAMMING NOTE: The next episode of "No Retakes" could be delayed a day or two due to PAX Unplugged, but I'm working to make sure that isn't the case.)

Quick update on the prep of a big trip. Where I'm going and what I've done. Time to get that plan in action!

Where, I'm from, Where I've been, Where I'm going... A brief history of How all of this started.

1. Guest Introduction 2. Week Rewind 3. Separating the work place from real life 4. Entrepreneur Thoughts, Where I'm at 5. National Geographic explanations ??? 6. Coats in Seasons 7. Calculatedness is Subjective 8. Always going to be paying people back? 9. "We can" mindset / Conquerer Mindset 10. Hypothetical Business plan 11. Gas of the week

The "Netflix" Of Defensive Line Video Tutorials: www.bigdawgfootball.com Submit A "Trench Question Of The Day": trenchtalk@fivestarlinemen.com Work, work. let's work. We're in the trenches, breakin' down the defensive line from technique and fundamentals to NFL and college football analysis. You're listening to Big Dawg Trench Talk. Work, work, work. Whassup Big Dawg? This is Coach Rolle and welcome to another episode of Big Dawg Trench Talk. Thank you for subscribing to Big Dawg Trench Talk, where you know your progress is our success. I do this for one reason and one reason only, and that is to make sure that as coaches and as players, that we are the best dawgs in the trenches that we can be. The topic that we're going to discuss today is very important to me. I've experienced this as a coach, as well as a player. As a player, there were times when I sat in the film room and I watched film, trying to figure out why was I not playing to the best of my ability. There were times as a coach that I would watch my athletes, my dawgs, and I would try to reason and figure out why are they not playing to their fullest potential? Well, I think I know the problem. Episode number five. I found the problem, Big Dawg. You satisfied. Now, let's talk trenches. I have taught linemen, all kinds of different tricks and schemes and how to be proactive in your pre-snap and that's another podcast, when we'll talk about being proactive in your pre-snap. There are different things that I have discussed with my linemen and I've done all kinds of drills to have the mass of those skills, because we know, as coaches, and as players, we know that drills develop skills. Why do we do drills? Because they develop skills. That's why we do drills. They develop skills. The proper drill will establish and develop the necessary skill. It's important that you have the right drill for the necessary skill. But, I've done that. I've done all of that. And yet still I've worked with young men that were not productive in the trenches and I was as creative as I could be. So here I am as a coach, trying to figure out, "Gosh, how do I get my linemen to be run stoppers? To be, persistent and determined, to make a play or make a tackle" and I realized that I was fighting against something that was almost impossible to win against. To me, this is a curse word, this is a bad word, this is an enemy of mine and I realize that I saw it in the nature, or I saw it in the mentality of the guys I was trying to train. And I realized that this thing was in them and it was preventing me from progressing them and I recognized it as an enemy and as a villain. To me, it's a bad word, its an evil thing that was keeping me from progressing them or keeping them from progressing, and that was satisfied. The word satisfied. I'll give an example. Watching these young men play, this was a long time ago, a long, long time ago, but I always think about this. I watch these young men play and I know they had loads of potential to be great and to do great and look good in the preseason, great summer training, thought they were well, thought they were developed and ready to go. First game came, first game was not what I expected. I didn't like that. I didn't like how they performed, so we took it up a notch, you know, more drills, quicker, faster, harder, again, again, again. Trying to make it muscle memory. And it was. So, second game came, same thing. It was not productive. This is what I did coach, hear me out. So, we circled up and I took them behind the goal post and I needed to have a conversation with them. I needed to stop what I was doing because evidently what I was doing wasn't helping. Something was wrong. So, here we are, behind the goal post and I had them circle and I stand in the middle. And when I do that, I'm looking in their eyes, I'm looking in their eyes and I'm trying to identify their mentalities and their will. You know, dawg means driven attitude wills greatness. That's the acronym, D A W G. I didn't see it. I didn't see the will. I didn't see the hunger, so I'm sitting there lookin' at 'em and I looked in everyone in their eyes and I said, "Oh, I see, you're satisfied. You're satisfied with your production. You're satisfied with being a football player. You're satisfied that you have a jersey on and you get a chance to play in front of people. You're satisfied that you're not being productive. You're okay with that." I told 'em, I said, "Where I'm from and you look at the guy's eyes across from you or when you look at your teammates' eyes, you see hunger, you see thirst. You're looking at a young man, or a man, that has a desire to eat. It's almost like you have two dogs and one piece of meat and somebody gotta eat and I ain't eaten in three months. And whey you look at that guy, your teammate, from where I'm from, that's what you see, you see hunger, you see thirst, you see a man that's not going to take failure as an option, that's what you see. You see, like their eyes are on fire, what they call the eye of the tiger. You see it. And they in hunt mode. that's what you see. That's how it is where I'm from and the guys around you are ready to do whatever it takes to eat. It's huntin' season. And that's how you it's time to play some football, 'cause something clicks on the inside of 'em, when you look at 'em and you know its time to go to work. These guys have actually had knots in their stomach and these were knots of hunger pain and these guys wanted a way out and these guys wanted more for themselves. They didn't want to be the statistic. They wanted to do more with their lives and they knew that football was that way. The didn't have a choice. They didn't give themselves a choice. Their will told them to out will the guy in front of them. No, they didn't have the technique. They didn't have a lot of great coaching, but one thing they did have was the will to win, they had that. So, I'm looking at my athletes and as I'm looking at them, you just see this conviction that begins to rise in them. They're convicted because I called 'em out. I actually was trying to call them out, I wanted to call them out. I wanted to call out satisfaction and at that moment they had to make a decision as to what they were going to do. But, I told 'em I wasn't satisfied with the fact that you just playin' football. If that's your goal, was to just be a football player and not accomplish anything, left me know so that I can lower my expectation or lead the team or not coach you as a D-line coach, cause you can do that all by yourself. If I'm gonna be your coach, you gonna be one of the best to do it. Let me know what your goal is, cause without a goal, you don't have no go. You got no purpose and no drive without a goal. What's your goal? What are you trying to accomplish? Are you satisfied with being blocked, with not making plays, with not making tackles? I think I've found the problem. Big Dawg, you satisfied. And there isn't any coach in the world that can feed somebody who's satisfied. I can't feed you if you full. Question is, what are you full on? What's your meal look like? I get to wear a jersey, I get to play football, I'm popular cause I play football, it's cool cause I finally made it to college football, so I'm good. No, you're not good! What else do you want out of this? Even sometimes you see NFL guys that have arrived and that's it. They're satisfied, because their eyes light up when they see their checks and the drive is gone. Because their goal was to get there, but not do anything once they've arrived there. Satisfaction is the enemy of a progressor. Satisfaction is the enemy, it is the constant feud with progress. It's hard to progress when you're satisfied. You can't eat if you're full. I looked at 'em and that's what I saw. I was disgusted by it and I told 'em. I told 'em the truth and they were convicted because that's exactly what it was. And at that moment, I realized that there was not a drill, a skill, wisdom, coaching points that I could give these young men to get better, cause I kept running into a wall called satisfied. It was a very interesting conversation I had, and nobody had anything to say. The next week I watched these young men play. I trained 'em, did different drills, things that I saw they could tighten up on and do better. Well, coach, Big Dawg, let me tell you, the next game we played, it was a different group of guys. The way that they came off the ball, the way that they used their hands, the way that they played flat on the line of scrimmage, and pursuit was great. They were just persistent in what they did, determined in what they did. You saw a different dawg. You saw a different animal out there playing within those four quarters. It was different. Because I had broken through a wall. So we had a conversation when I met with them again that Monday and actually, no, it was two weeks after that game. They started picking things up and they started making a lot of progress in their game and I went back and said, "You know, you guys are playing great right now. Technique is great, you know, you're doing really good with your hands, your feet placement where it needs to be. I made some adjustments depending on the athlete, made some different things that I was now tweaking to make them that much better individually. Fast forward to Thursday walk through, a young man came to me, a couple of them came to me and said, "Coach you remember that conversation we had over there behind the goal post?" I'd kind of forgotten about it and I said, "Oh yeah, okay yeah, I remember when we was talking about you guys being hungry." He said, "Coach we'll never forget that." He said, 'When you told us that we weren't hungry enough, that's when it clicked. You were right. We were satisfied and we didn't want to play the game just to be playing the game. We realized to you it meant more than to us and it needed to mean that much more and we did a self-check. We even met afterward and said, 'You know what, coach is right. What are we doing this for? What's the purpose of why we're doing this?' And ever since then, our goal was for you to not to have that conversation with us again. That's our goal. Our goal, after that day, we talked about it, was for you to never, ever tell us that again. That we were satisfied." And, they had an excellent year. They did some fantastic things that season. I was proud of what they accomplished as a unit. But, it took for me as a coach to look them in the eyes and identify that villain, satisfy. As a dawg, you're never satisfied, never satisfied. Always looking to get better, always looking to progress. Another Big Dawg proverb from the Big Dawg bible that I always live by is this. Date perfection, but marry progress. Date perfection, but marry progress. And to me that means, that I know what it means to be perfect, but I'm committed to getting better. I'm committed, I'm married to progress. Progress is something that I will do every day. Good is not good when better is expected. I learned that from a very wise coach. Good is not good when better is expected. Absolutely. That is good, but its not good anymore, because I'm not satisfied with what I just called good. How can I make good better? Absolutely. That's what makes a lineman better. Truthfully, when you talk about stopping the run, if you can't get past a lineman being satisfied, its gonna be hard to coach that young man. It's hard to feed somebody who's not hungry. It's hard to feed somebody who's full. How can you teach a man that doesn't want why you're trying to teach him? Can't be greater than he is, so sir. So for me, when it comes to stopping a run, there are a lot of things that are essential and very important on the technical side that we'll certainly get into in more detail. I just wanted to let you know that the bigger problem that I've had to deal with is the attitude, is the desire and the will. Where I'm from, I've had people stand in front of me and prevent me from trying to go where I want to go. You understand? See, now you askin' for a fight, right? I'm goin' straight and you stand in front of me and prevent me from going straight. There's a reason why I'm trying to go straight, I'm going straight because there's something I have to do or there's something I have to retrieve and it requires for me to go straight. And for a man, and I've had this happen, where a guy steps in front of me and he's trying to keep me from going straight, that's a problem. And so politely ask, "Excuse me, can you move out the of way?" Or I'll try to walk around and then they refuse to move and they are still in front of you because they want to try to control you. That's not a good situation. Now, I don't know if you've ever been in a fight before and I was definitely not the person to go looking for them, but the one thing that I didn't like ever was when somebody tried to control me and step in front of me and keep me from going where I need to go or where I want to go or where I'm suppose to go. I have a problem with that. And so I tell my defensive line, "You are trying to go straight and there's a person in front of you that is trying to control you and keep you from going where you want to go. If you want to take this this situation and put it into a real life scenario... Let's say you're, and I tell 'em coaches, you know, Big Dawg, let's say you are married and your wife and children are over there and you are going to to go with them and somebody gets in front of you, preventing you from going to them. Listen, there is nobody and nothing in the world that would keep me from uniting with my family. There's nothing you can put between me and my house that will keep me from going to my house. You will wish you had never attempted to do such a thing. Why? Because of my love for my family. And I mentioned this to another athlete. I said, "Man, listen, I know you love your daughters, right? And let's say your daughters are over there and as you're walking to go with your children, I step in front of you, preventing you from going forward. Are you okay with that?" All of the sudden, the mentality changed. No, I'm not going to let you step in front of me and keep you from being with my children, or your brother or father, or whomever you love, whatever it is. The principal and the concept the same. How can you allow a man in front of you to keep you from going where you want to go? Take that mentality and apply it to football. There's something on the other side of the line of scrimmage that you need, that you want, that you've gotta have. And this guy in front of you has the audacity to stand in front of you, to let you know that he's going to stop you from getting where you want to go. There is nobody, if I can envision my family on the other side of that line of scrimmage, that's going to stop me from going where I need to go. You gonna wish you had never stepped in front of me and tried to stop me and control me to keep where I need to go, where I want to go. Change your mentality. Their mentality has to change. It's not okay that I keep getting stopped. It's not okay that that man in front of me is controlling me, that's not okay and neither will I keep allowing this to happen. So, whatever I have to do to make sure this does not happen, you do what yo have to do. That's where it starts. That's where progress starts, when you're not satisfied, and when you're not satisfied, that's where you'll begin to see progress. Sometimes progress happens in the absence of satisfaction. Remove satisfaction and maybe you'll see progress. You're not going to stop me from going forward. I'm not gonna let anybody stop me from progressing. I'm committed to that. Try it. Good luck. That's my mentality, a driven attitude will always will greatness. As a coach, I'm asking my athletes, "Are you satisfied with that?" Something precious is on the other side of the line of scrimmage and he keeps stopping you from getting it, what are you gonna do? Are you okay with that? I wouldn't be. Make a decision and make it quick. What are you gonna do? It takes a special kind of person to play in the trenches. That's why I call it the trenches. I love history and you look at World War I, where we begin to see trenches in play. Trenches wasn't nothing to be messed with. Hats off to all my veterans and every man and woman that has ever served this country. Trenches are things I've read about. Trenches, never been in one, are things that blow my mind. The things that these men and women have had to deal with in the trenches. But, in the trenches you've gotta be a special kind of person to not only survive it, but to accomplish and get what you went there for. If you in the trenches, you have a mission in the trenches. That's something you want to retrieve and it takes a special kind of person that would not be denied, that would not be stopped. You can drill and drill and drill, every single day and you can teach them the best techniques and everything you could be saying could be right on point, but your enemy is satisfaction. Are they satisfied with not getting better? Are they satisfied with not being great? If that's the case, stop what you're doing and ask them, "What do yo want out of this?" Call 'em out! Call that sin we call satisfaction out. If we gonna strap up and line up, then we gonna link up and eat up. That's what dawgs do. We hunt and we eat. As a coach, I challenge you look at your athletes in the eyes and as a player, I challenge you to look at your dawg next to you and when you look at 'em, don't say nothin'. His eyes should tell you everything and your eyes should tell him everything he needs to know and that should be one thing and one thing only, that it's time to go to work. Woo, Big Dawg, don't get me started, man. Sometimes, we take for granted. If only I could go back in time and play one more rep, one more series, man I'd play it like it was my last. Coaches, don't let these young men take these reps for granted and players, don't play with the attitude that there's always another rep. They only thing that's certain is the present and even that is a gift, that's why we call it the present, because the present is a present, its a gift. Maximize your gift, take advantage of every moment you have and every time you put your hands in the dirt, every chance you get, you go to work, and if you satisfied, go sit down! Let that hungry man over there plow the ground. Hey you! Go eat up Big Dawg! Go eat! As always Big Dawg, I appreciate your time, because I know its valuable. Thank you for subscribing and listening to another episode of Big Dawg Trench Talk. I would also like to thank you for those that have been visiting bigdawgfootball.com. Several coaches all across the world have been benefiting greatly from the plethora of content that we have on bigdawgfootball.com. We've been receiving several testimonials of athletes and coaches watching their big dawgs get better and do great things in the trenches. We appreciate you joining Big Dawg Football's mission, which is to make coaches and athletes the very best they can be. Remember, it takes a village to raise one. Let's keep growing the Big Dawg Football community in assuring that our young men are tacticians in the trenches. All right, Big Dawg, enough talking. Look 'em in the eyes, see if he hungry, strap up, and line up, and together we'll eat up! Stick those cleats in the dirt and let's go to work!

If you are a multipotentialite, do you prefer to cycle through interests or do a whole bunch of different things at once? In this week's episode of Embracing Intensity, I discuss my own tendencies when it comes to pursuing multiple passions and why I'm moving from a lot of varied activities at once to focusing on just a small few.  In this episode, I discuss: Rainbow people vs. specialists. Where I'm a specialist. Learning about our learning.  How you can join our upcoming group call on the Embracing Intensity Journey! Related Links: Find Your Superpower Course Upcoming Group Call 

As a continuation of last week's episode I'm now making a bit of progress in finding a good backup solution that protects USB backups both at rest and when pumped up to the cloud. I mentioned I've been using BackBlaze for backups (not a sponsor), and they allow you to backup USB drives as long as they're connected at least once every 30 days. That's cool. However, many of my USB drives are not encrypted, and I want to protect myself in the off chance that someone breaks in and steals all my stuff while those unencrypted drives are connected. My BackBlaze backup PC is just a little dinky box running Windows 10 Home, so I don't have access to BitLocker. I was gonna drop the ~$100 for the Windows 10 Pro upgrade, but I coincidentally was doing an endpoint security product evaluation at the same time, and so I grabbed a copy of ESET's DESLock (also not a sponsor) because it was on sale. Where I'm stuck now is that the USB drives are unlocked, and yet for some reason BB can't properly back them up. I've got a ticket into their support folks, and will update you once we get to part 3 of this miniseries.

Hi. Hmm. Hello. Okay. Sometimes I get really shy. What do you mean you accidentally clicked on it? It was divined. It's not possible that you clicked on it accidentally. Why, why, is my wifi choosing right now to freeze? What's happening? Reset. Oh my God. Hello, Tamara. Georgine, this jacket is so old. This is like my old faithful. But thank you. I love it. Hi, Tamara. This is like the other side of my studio, you guys. I'm here in my studio. My throne is right there. I nearly just picked up the laptop, and I was like, "Look, there it is." Okay, wait. Hold your horses. Or your wine. Or whatever else do you have. What do you have? Leah, I must admit that when you commented on my post about the ribs, and you said that's awesome, I was like I don't get it. Where's the pun? What's the catch? I don't get it. And I was like, "I think she's being serious." I don't know if I've ever seen it before. Not on a normal Facebook post. I had to read it three times. And then I was just honestly so thrown that I couldn't reply. Mermaid cushions. Are they? These are some pretty cool cushions. I'm gonna share this over ... Looks good, doesn't it? This is my backup set. You were fucking hungry. I was devastated. Devastated. I was in shock. I thought ... 100% I was like, he's joking. So, for those who missed it, I went to my favourite steak and ribs place for dinner tonight, where I go like, maybe four times a week. I really like ribs. And I know the restaurant manager there, Matt, extremely well. Of course. Because I go there so often. And he was like, "Oh, have you seen our new menu?" And I'm like, "No, whatever. I don't need the menu. I have the same ribs every time I go there." He's like, "No, we don't have ribs on the menu anymore." And I'm like, "Oh, ha-ha." He's like, "No, no. We really took them off." I'm like, "No you didn't. You're just joking." And he's like, "No, no. We took them off. It's minimum four." And then sometimes I might order them up as well. They don't even deliver up, except for me. Obviously. Anyway. I manifested the fucking ribs. Obviously. Obviously. Where am I? I'm in my house. Here I am in my house. Welcome to the show. Okay. I'm in my gangster outfit. Which just means like shiny black all over. With a wild top on. It says wild. Except I have my fluffy pink slippers on, because it matches the painting. By the way, how talented is my sister-in-law, Rachel? She's an artist, and I commissioned this piece behind me. She made it for me. I don't think I've ever shown it before, because I kind of got the painting delivered, and then I just took off, travelling. As I do. There's another one just over there in the corner. It's leaning up against the wall. You can't see it properly. No, well then what happened with the ribs ... I'll show you the rest of the room in a moment, because you're in a different side of the studio. Yeah, but I've got a top on under it. What's the problem? So, what happened with the ribs was, he's like there's no ribs and no steak. They're pink slippers, Jason. Pink slippers. Matches my pink hair tie. Yeah. I thought he was joking. It's like, it's a steak and ribs place. That's what it is. You can't even make this shit up. When the hell does a steak and ribs place take steak and ribs off the menu? The ribs and the steak, they took off the menu. So, obviously I'm laughing at it, because I go there all the time. And it's a steak and ribs place. He's like, "No, no. We're trying burgers and pizzas." I'm like, "Yeah, good one." He's like, "No, really." So, then I start looking around at people's tables. I'm like ... because I knew for sure he was just trying to mess with me. Because we always have a good chat. We're good friends. So, I'm like, "He's just messing with me." I'm looking at people's tables to find the ribs, and I'm like, "I don't see any ribs." He's like, "No, no. I'm serious." I was in horror. I was just in a state of being frozen in horror. What's the word for that? There must be a word for it. I was in a shock state. Tremors were coming upon me, largely because I thought I was gonna cry, because I wanted ribs. And anyhow, long story short, I already wrote it on my personal Facebook. Ribs were delivered to me. He went and got them for me. Form another restaurant, and brought them there. All right, and here we are. So, that's roughly the whole story. I'm really not remotely in the mood to talk about anything much at all, so I feel like it's gonna be one of those live streams which is gonna be just very interesting. Having a day of being fucked with by the shenanigans crew. Leah, I said to Alyssa afterwards, it must be topsy turvy day. And then she was like, "What's topsy turvy day?" And I'm just thinking, "Who raised you, girl?" What kind of child doesn't know what topsy turvy day is? And then I'm like, "Well, maybe I never told her." Because all this random shit just kept happening. Everything weird kept happening. So, then we make it through dinner somehow. I got my food, but the children's burgers that they always normally order had been changed into sesame seed coated burgers. Like kids burgers with sesame seeds on top. Has anybody ever heard of such a ridiculous idea? So, of course both of my little precious offspring, who are reared in a manner in which they have come to expect that whatever they desire will be delivered to them, forthwith, and it is. They were not impressed, shall we say. At the sesame seed topped burgers. In fact, it's fair to say they were appalled. If my father was there, he would've said, "Bernard." And I would've said ... Nevermind. It would've descended. Only very few people have got that joke. Maybe Leah. But anyway. We would've both agreed that we're appalled. He would've said, "How do you feel about it?" And I would've said, "I'm appalled." And I would've said, "Well, how do you feel?" And he would've said, "Well, I'm appalled." And we both would've said, "I'm appalled." Anyhow. If you can name the show, I'll be very impressed that I'm not the only one who watches weird stuff. So, that happened, and the sesame seed burgers were not a hit. Nobody ate them. By the time we got to the end of the dinner, and we discovered that they don't ... Okay. The one with the minister. The minister. The one with the minister, the British show with the minister. Now I don't remember the name of it. There's definitely a minister involved and then his off, right hand guy is called Bernard. And there's just this ... Surely if you watched Faulty Towers, you watched the one ... Minister. Sometimes with a minister. I don't know. Somebody knows. Tell me the show. There were books as well. Get your wine. It's all gonna go haywire momentarily. It's just very funny when my dad says it. And then both of us go back and forth. Yes, Minister. Exactly. Yes, Minister. Right. So, then dad and I ... It's nothing to do with [Bernicky 00:08:23]. Dad and I would just go back and forth, back and forth, agreeing that we're both appalled, and we just think we're hilarious. That's really the whole story. That's all you need to know. But by the time we got to the end of the dinner, even my eight year old daughter, she says ... Oh, that's right. Because they had no chocolate ice cream. They've changed the children's ice cream menu, to no chocolate. They've got strawberry, but it's like some sort of woo-woo strawberry, and, wait for it ... Hazelnut. On a children's dessert menu. These are your two options. Weird woo-woo strawberry, which can't even possibly be explained, even if you asked me to, and hazelnut. So, Alyssa says, "The only thing I can possibly consume at this restaurant from here on out is the water." She's eight years old. I was like, I'm dying, I'm laughing. And then we went to the grocery store and more weird shit happened, and basically I said it was topsy turvy day, and she didn't know what it meant. And then it was just ... I couldn't even, even, with the whole world. I had to go home and put the children to bed, and now her I am. So, check it out, because I'm gonna talk about the burn, and the pain, and I don't even really feel like it, but it's just the title that came to me when I was in the toilet. There's my throne, so now you know where you are in time and space. Do you see where you are? That's where I usually am over there. There's all your fancy lights, there's one big fancy light up there. There's another one, and there's a ring light there. I'm live streaming without a fancy light on me. Who would've thought? I just felt like sitting on the couch. I felt like everybody's seen enough of the throne. Driven by the burn. Okay. Where are we gonna go with this conversation? I was thinking about various forms of pain today. I was triggered today. It happens to me from time to time, and I always flip it straight into gratitude as soon as I get triggered by something, or I feel uncomfortable by something. Well, firstly I might have a little hissy fit, or crack it, or get upset, or whatever the trigger is. It's not usually very, you know, emotive in a big way. Not a huge reaction. But there'll be some sort of little blip, right? You know, maybe you see something online, or you see something out in the real world, whatever that is. Or something occurs to you, or maybe you say something, that's kind of like, "Why did I say that? Now I sound like an idiot", or now I look like an idiot, or maybe they now think that I meant this, and actually I meant this, and maybe they're analysing it, and maybe they don't give a fuck about you because they're pretty obsessed with themselves. But anyway, these are the thoughts that the mind does. And then you just feel that like, ugh. And I don't know about you, but sometimes when I get that feeling, I then can't remember why I have the feeling, right? So, then you know when you carry around this weird feeling of like, I know that I'm triggered and I know that I'm upset about something, but I'm now not sure what it is, so I'm walking around feeling kind of naked and exposed. But I don't know if I have valid reason for it or not, and I wish I could fucking remember why I'm upset or why I'm triggered. I just know that there's a reason that this feeling's here and I've gotta shift it. That might be just me. But I'd be curious to know. But anyhow, today I had a little trigger. It was like a little ... That's what happens. Energetically. You're just going about your day, you're cruising along, you're writing a blog, or you're doing your thing, you're walking down the street listening to client audios, whatever it is that you're doing. And sometimes happens, and it's just this kind of, uh. And all of a sudden, you feel like you're not on path anymore. You were merrily swimming in a sea of abundance and alignment, or seeking to as the case may be, and now you suddenly feel like somebody just grabbed you by the shoulder and pulled you off, you've kind of got this tug going on, and it's like, ugh. It's annoying, right? So, then if you lean into the trigger though, it might get more annoying, and it might get upsetting. It might cause you to feel inferior, not good enough, same thing really. Frustrated, annoyed, disheartened, sad, et cetera, or worried, or whatever it is. I used to try and avoid those things. Or I used to get super reactive, in the sense that ... Okay. I feel like I've forgotten how to swallow. Something's happening inside of me. I'm sure I'll be able to manage it. Fear not. I used to get super reactive when I would get triggered. Like I would get reactive in the sense that I would probably retaliate to the trigger, which was not always necessarily the most useful thing, particularly because typically, or often anyway, frequently, the person who's triggered you has no fucking clue, because it's just some random post that they put on Facebook. So, then I would retaliate though, via response, text, of minimum 2000 words. I don't mean private text message, I mean post on Facebook, right? You know when you do a Facebook post, you're just hoping that one person will see it, or some people will see, right? I used to do that. I would do a rant, or kind of a defensive post, or kind of a let me make my point sort of post. That is actually a really good way to avoid letting a trigger work on you. And letting it serve the lesson that it came along to serve. And all of these things come along to serve as a lesson, right? So, if we don't gain the lesson from it, or if we don't get the growth work that we're meant to get from it, then what can happen is we just ... or what typically does happen is we just keep on getting the same lesson again, and again. It just keeps getting served back to us. Okay, I feel like nobody's talking to me. I feel like I'm being insanely boring. I'm now getting triggered by the fact that I'm pretty sure I'm being really boring, and I don't know what's happening. I feel like I've never live streamed before, or I've forgotten how to live stream. Do you think it's because I'm on the couch and not on my throne? But I really like to sit up here. I think it looks fancy. Am I being boring right now? Tell me something you want me to talk about, because I feel like I've lost my way completely. I'm getting really squirmy inside of myself, and I'm getting kind of like ... Yeah, super self conscious. I just feel like I wanna dance and sing, and have some people around for a drink. But that'll be, maybe tomorrow night. Meanwhile, literally nobody's even commenting. However, the numbers are somehow weirdly going up slightly. So, I feel like you've all banded together and you're just refusing to talk to me on purpose, but you've got some kind of conversation thread going on behind the scenes on fucking telegram, or telegraph, or telepole, or whatever that app is that everybody's using without me. Okay, no. The comments are all over here. My communication chakra might be out of whack. Okay, there was no comments on the phone. All right, I'm clearly just a bundle of insecure nerves, because as soon as I don't get a comment for like 10 and a half seconds, on my phone, I'm like, "Everybody hates me." But they're all over here on the laptop. Okay. Thank you. It's only 12:12 here as well, Jamie. Except not really, it's 9:12. All right. You're captivated. Georgina says, "Everybody's captivated", and Addison says, "Everybody's enthralled." Carla says is my communication out of whack. I don't know, where is the communication chakra? I know where the heart one is, I know where the self expression one is. Where is the communication one? I know where the sexual one is. I'm all over that shit. Burn. Okay. You guys are helping me out. Thank you. I just didn't know the comments were coming over here. What's with that Facebook? It's trying to screw with me. What was I talking about? I feel revived. I feel like I've had an injection of self love and confidence, and enthusiasm. Maybe the injection of love came from you guys and not from me. Maybe I'm getting validated right now, and I need to address my own self love shit again. Instead of allowing myself to be validated. Oh, even the wine at the restaurant had changed to terrible wine. I normally get the grated pepper jack [Chiraz 00:16:32]. It's $25 for a glass, and it's amazing. And they pour a big glass, so $25 is pretty reasonable for an oversized glass of wine. But it's not cheap for a glass of wine. They didn't have a single glass of wine that was over eight dollars 50. I was honestly like ... where's the kind of better wine? I find it very scary, and I said this to the guy, who like I said I know. The one who went and got me my ribs from a different restaurant and brought them to me at the restaurant. I said, "I find these prices a little scary, Matt. They're a little scary cheap. What's happening? Where's the good wine gone?" He's going, "I know." The owner's just changed everything. They're trying to cater to a cheaper crowd. So, I couldn't even drink any wine at the restaurant. I had half a glass. So, now I'm just having some ... Of course, I only drink fucking Solo wine's Prophetic Wine. So, I'm having Witches Falls. I mean, ti's the best title ever for a bottle of wine, isn't it? Witches Falls Prophecy. I drink the [inaudible 00:17:36] as well. Isn't it much more fun when I'm not talking about the topic? Okay, let's get back to the topic though. How did I put the banner on the live stream? [German 00:17:44], no idea at all. [German 00:17:46]. We switch to German when we feel like it. [German 00:17:52]. Somebody did it for me. I don't know. But something to do with Facebook Creative. You could Google it, I imagine. So, anyway. It's so nice to wine. I know, I know, you cannot buy a glass of wine for eight dollars 50 in a restaurant, Jason. It's upsetting, it's unbecoming to the wine, and it's probably unbecoming to your own self if you would drink the wine, because it's gonna be full of shit for that price. It's just, the whole situation was just upsetting to behold. So, the triggers, okay. I feel revived. I feel a little concerned that I got validated by comments in a really big way, when I should only be validating my own self, so we'll work on that later. We'll work on it later. We'll work on it later. We'll work on it later. We'll work on it later. We'll work on it later. I'll give you some affirmations. Love thyself. That's probably [inaudible 00:18:45]. And actually I do. Yay me. And we already talked about that earlier today. I did the self pleasure blog. It wasn't really about self pleasure, but I was certainly thinking about self pleasure, and it was about self pleasure. The whole thing was about pleasure. Depends whether you mean masturbation or not, when you're talking about self pleasure. But that was definitely part of it, and it was involved. So, the trigger thing. If you don't ... Okay. If you don't learn the lesson ... Just making sure everything's in order because I'm getting overheated. If you don't learn the lessons that you need to learn ... All right. Now I'm clashing with the painting. I don't match the painting at all. This is gonna have to stay on. This is why I can't sit in front of this painting normally. My art clashes with the other art. If I would turn my back to you, I feel like what's on my back would totally go with that art. No. Nope. Okay. I don't know what country you're drinking you're wine in, but you cannot go around having a glass of wine for eight dollars 50 at a restaurant in Australia. It's not acceptable. If you're in a different country, I'll give you permission to have something for eight dollars 50, depending on where you are. Because sometimes wine here is expensive, right? So, if you see a glass of wine for eight dollars 50, that is a cheap ass, dodgy ass wine that you don't wanna drink, that's for sure. It's upsetting to see that price on a menu. Okay. If you don't learn the lesson from the fucking trigger, it's going to keep coming back at you, right? So, to ... Okay, I was frozen in a most unflattering position just now on my own phone screen. So, it was just a little bloop of a trigger. Exactly it made that noise, as I was walking about doing my business. Which was largely that I wanted to sit in the sun. That was roughly the entire business for the moment in time. And I thought to myself, "Ah, don't even need to think about that. Whatever, put it aside." And I did, for a moment or for several hours, or whatever. And then it just presented itself merrily back to me. Via reappearing in my Facebook feed, like a mother fucker. Just so that I could be reminded again of the trigger, and this time it was like, ugh. Exactly like that, like an annoying fly on your shoulder. And you're just like, "Brush it away, brush it away, brush it away. I don't need to know about this shit. You can mosey on along to another feed, not my feed." But then, then, then, I went and did some inner stuff, [meditationy 00:21:13] sort of zen situation that I had myself in, in the afternoon. You don't need to know all the details, and then from there, something occurred to me, which I found simultaneously fascinating and infuriating. Fascinated and infuriating. Which was that perhaps this trigger had been given to me for the opportunity of growth, which is always the case, actually. I think you'll find. I don't really care for the fact that these comments are not coming up here. Trigger sound bites. Exactly right. The lessons will keep coming back until you learn them. I'm just ignoring the comments about my top. It's not like I was showing anything anyway. God knows I've shown a fuckload more than that on my own streams before. Largely by accident. All right. Check out my black and gold cushion. How do you like my styling of my own couch? I styled this couch myself. I styled myself with my black shiny leggings, and my wild top. I won't flash it to you again since you're all getting so concerned about it. And I styled this black and gold cushion to match that, and then I brought this pinky cushion in to match it. Now here we are. So, all your lessons will keep on coming back until you figure them the fuck out. If you don't shift and learn from what you were supposed to, from each lesson or trigger that presents itself to you, then it's just gonna be like a persistent child in a candy store, just tugging on your leg, except in a much more annoying way and impacting you, potentially in your ability to make money. Something's beeping. Let's ignore it. Potentially in your ability to make money, or receive in other areas, or whatever it is. So, as I went into my zen meditation period within my day, it occurred to me, what if I was grateful for the trigger? Hmm? How do you feel about that? What was the most recent thing you were triggered by? Do you wanna tell me? Put it in the comments. Let's hear. What was the most recent thing where you were like ... Or maybe you were like fuck you. Or maybe you were like ... it really deflated you and it made you feel sad. That's okay. You can own it. We all been there. We've all been there. Share your triggers. So, this thing was just kind of uncomfortable and annoying, but I wouldn't say it was majorly triggering me, but it felt a bit ... It felt like it was throwing me a little bit. You know where you get thrown and you're kinda like, I was on my path, I was completely doing my thing, and just like la, la, la, happy. And now I feel like hmm. Hmm, do I need to think about that? No, I don't want to because it's annoying, so I'll put it aside, but then Facebook just brings it back to you on your news feed, helpfully. And then you go and you try and do your inner shit, and your meditation shit, and your zen shit, and you're like ahhh, and then it's like knocking on the door inside of your head. And so, it occurred to me that I could be grateful. I do indeed know ... Jamie says her most recent trigger was somebody's face. I love it. Jason says, "WB." I've got no idea what that means. Georgina says, "I think you know." I think I do. I've got to admit though, Jamie, I'm frequently triggered by people just from them existing, and frequently inside of my head I feel like saying something to somebody. Like, can you please just not exist near me? And that's 100% my own shit, for sure. Because I do it to random people who did nothing at all. They didn't even bump into me, they did nothing. They were just existing in their own time and space, like being a perfectly lovely, wonderful person, quite likely. Or maybe a complete asshole, but how would I know? They were not doing anything to me, and I'm just like, "Stop existing near me." Is how I feel about the matter. I suppose it's typically when I'm having one of those days, or afternoons where I shouldn't be seen around people, and I should hide myself from the world. Or something like that. Jamie was triggered by somebody's face in their email. That's awesome. Just look at you with your face, right there in the email. So, mine was may be somewhat similar to that. I was definitely triggered by a person for just being a person, and I was like, "I'm sure you're a perfectly lovely person, but I just don't care for your personness right now." And then you see your own ridiculousness, and you're like, "Just put it aside, just centre yourself and be a fucking adult, or a professional, or whoever you're supposed to be imagining that you're being for the day." And then it just keeps coming back and you're like grrr. So, anyway, I decided to flip it into gratitude. And it was actually a real thing, right? It wasn't like I'm going to try and flip this into gratitude, or let me find a way to be grateful for this discomfort. Was I grateful for the person? Maybe. Yes, no I think I was. It was genuine gratitude that came along to me. It was kind of like, ahhh. It was an Unagi moment, for sure. Like, Unagi. Right? It was a moment of realisation and recognition, like ooh, this is good. And do you know why I realised it was good? Because of the burn. Hence the title of this live stream. Let's say it all together. Burn. Okay. Lately my voice has been doing weird things. Two days ago it broke, like a teenage boy. My voice just broke, mid live stream. It was pretty embarrassing. And now I don't know what that was. It sounded like a small piglet grunting. Okay. People copying me, says Julie. That's a definite trigger alert. Trigger alert. In fact, even today when this happened, I may or may not have audioed my friend saying, "Trigger alert." And then I felt like an idiot. Spicy salmon roll. Exactly. Unagi. I thought it was salmon skin roll. Hmm. We gotta watch some Yes Minister, and some Friends. It's obvious. Yes. Okay. Got it. On the friends and the fuckwits. So, I just 100% did flip into gratitude, and the reason for the gratitude was that I realised how good the discomfort was. It actually reminded me in that moment of the feeling, or kind of the philosophy that I have around the days when I do like six to eight hour day getting tattoo work done on me, and often it's about six hours, but the longest I've done I think is nine. So, let's say somewhere between six and eight hour sessions, where we'll have like a five minute fucking break, two or three times throughout, and that's it really. And it reminded me of that, because the way that I've worked to get through that, and even to open up and embrace it, not just get through it, has been by opening myself up to the pain, right? Like I think the first time that I did ... I mean, I had like two little tattoos. One from 20 years ago, when I was 18, and one from about 11 years ago. But they were tiny. So, then when I started doing all the big work that I've now got all over my upper body, the first one which was on my shoulder, was a five hour session. That I just found so painful, I found it so traumatic. For some reason, the next morning my gums were bleeding like a mother fucker. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, my body was so not used to it. I was just really whacked from it for several days. But I was fine overall. It's not like I couldn't function. But it affected me. And then the next time when I came back ... And I really felt all the pain of it, right? I just found it such a painful experience, but the next time when I came back, I guess I was kind of psychologically prepared for it, and it was gonna be a longer session ... I think that was the first eight hour one, and I really just decided I'm gonna open myself up to this pain, and I'm gonna embrace the pain. And I didn't know if I'd fully decided that in advance. I know I had kind of psychologically prepped myself in advance, and thought about it. But it was within the first hour or so of that day that I noticed I was continually pulling away internally from the pain, and just kind of like we do when something triggers us online, right? Or offline. Where you're like, ugh. You wanna avoid it, or it might just be a little bit annoying like that, which is how I felt today, just a little bit annoyed. But it could be a bigger thing, and then you feel really disheartened, or really sad, or really upset or whatever it might be. And so, you pull away, right? Or you turn away, or you kind of try and withdraw and you distract yourself with other stuff. And in this case, with the tattoo thing, back then that's what I was sort of trying to do. I was trying to pull away internally. You can't pull away physically, or you're gonna screw up the fricking art work, right? And all of a sudden, I had this Unagi moment. Complete fricking hashtag Unagi. And the Unagi moment was ... and if you don't know what an Unagi moment is, then just chat amongst yourselves and figure it out. Hello. I did say trigger alert out loud. I'm definitely not as cool as I purport to be. That's for sure, right? I might walk around presenting myself to the world as somewhat of a badass. I'm pretty certain it's not true, and if I was interviewed extensively on the matter, and required to prove myself, really all I'd be able to present as evidence is probably this jacket, this gold bling-bling cushion, and my tattoos. But probably get through on that. Just a little side tip there, just so you know. Total nerd. That's the problem. Just sneaks out from time to time, and it is what it is. We all have to live with ourselves in the end. So, anyway ... Oh my fucking God. Okay, my friend, who I said trigger alert to, has messaged me saying, "Oh my fucking God", right now. It just came through them. She must've had a trigger alert as well. We'll find out later. I'm not gonna read it now. I can just see the top of it. From time to time the geekyness just slips out, but I feel like I mask it well, and nobody's really quite certain what's going on. Is she secretly like a massive bookworm nerd? Well, actually that part's true. Who sits largely at home watching old episodes of Yes Minister with her father. Well, he lives in another state, but still, on an energetic level perhaps. Or is she a total gangster badass who's just out there taking on the world, and doing whatever she wants, and making millions of dollars? Well, the millions of dollars part for sure. Gangsta badass? That's just a freaking thing that you put on. Right? It's like stepping into a performer. Oh my God, should we get back to the trigger thing in a moment and talk about something about sex for a second? Because last night I was at an event about the bedroom and the sex things, and the enlightenment things, and being more sexual and sensual, and having more pleasure, blah, blah, blah. It was amazing, by the way. But people were talking about whether or not it's okay to be a performer sexually, either to perform to your partner ... you know, like to kind of put on a show. Or performing when you're having sex with your own self, which was an interesting concept for me, because it was like, "Do I? Do I perform when I'm alone?" I actually don't think I do. I genuinely don't think I perform for my own self during sex. I don't even know if I perform for anyone else during sex. I felt a little bit bad about it. I was like, "I don't think I do put on a show. I think I'm just authentic." Which could be a good thing. But then people ... But no, performing is fine, because then people were being like, maybe it's not okay to be a performer, because they were saying it's not authentic or real. And I was still trying to assess my own sexual moves and whether or not I'm a performer. Okay, definitely have performed at times during sex. That's for sure. I feel like I need to bring out the performer more, the more that I think about it. But I was certainly feeling that there's nothing bad or wrong with being a performer during sex, or at any other time, because obviously I perform all the time, and that's really what being a badass is. It's just stepping into it. And it's part of who you are. That's just one part of you. Be all that you are. Be a performer. Be the scarlet woman. Be the quiet book nerd. Be the person who embarrassingly yells trigger alert in a public place, if need be. So, it was actual gratitude, because I suddenly realised that this opportunity had been presented to me via the gods of Facebook. I'm not sure how many of them there are. The Facebook overlords, I feel, would be probably a more appropriate way to classify those people. Rather than Facebook gods. I have to rearrange my legs. So, they had presented the opportunity for me to be triggered several times over, because I tried to ignore it, and then the stupid annoying post just popped merrily back into my feed and I had to see it again. So, I was like fine. Okay, I'll ignore it again. And then I thought about it later, and I was like, "Well, or I could be grateful." And I could imagine to myself ... I thought about the tattoo thing. I thought about how when I learn to lean into the pain of the tattooing, the long sessions, I became grateful for the way that it was strengthening me, and that's how I felt about it. In that moment, as I flipped into gratitude. I was like, yeah. This is strengthening me. This is making me into a warrior of inner power and strength, and resilience. I don't think I used to word warrior, but I did send a message to my friend. I'll check what I even said, and maybe I'll read it to you if it's not too sneaky and cheeky. Well, it's kind of boring, anyway. I said I flipped into gratitude. That was the whole message. It's very boring. It's way more interesting the way I'm telling the story here. Because I just realised that all these things come along to teach us something and to help us to grow, and to become more grounded in who we are. Right? So, maybe you see somebody's post, maybe somebody's triggered by me right now. That would be an unusual thing, and probably the first time that it's ever happened, I would imagine. Somebody should write me a letter and tell me about it, for sure. Don't worry, they already do. All the fucking time. Usually when they sign up as clients, and they tell me how much they couldn't stand me for three years prior to that. Not everyone, not everyone. Where's my comments? I'm getting no comments on my phone. Adidas and Lycra do go together. I have the matching pants for this jacket, you guys. I can go full gangsta. I wore them to a night club opening. It wasn't a night club opening, it was an app launch at Bootsy Bellows on Sunset Boulevard. A year ago. They're like 18 months old, this jacket. How embarrassing. Whatever. But, old fashion. But always fashion. There's no point in time at which the three stripes are not in. But I do have the matching pants for them. They're low rider pants though. They're super low rider. You gotta stay as upright as a pin if you wear those pants. If you bend yourself just a little bit, your whole ass is hanging out the back end, which may or may not be a good thing. But it's an annoying thing when it's a windy evening and you're trying to wear some Tonne Ford shoes with a whole bling-bling black shiny Adidas, slash Adidas. Whatever it's supposed to be, get up going on, and you've got a bunch of bling chains on, and your hair in a top knot because somebody said that it looks fancy. I'm just hypothesising. I'm not saying that that actually happened. So, anyhow, it's always a fricking opportunity to grow and become stronger, and grounded in who you are. If you ignore the triggers, when somebody triggers you ... That's right. I was talking about maybe I'm triggering somebody. I'm triggering people all the fucking time. They do seem to enjoy telling me about it. Well, sometimes my existing clients tell me the things that other people say about me, in enclosed Facebook groups or message threads, or wherever they are. And I guess shocked and appalled, and then other times people tell me themselves how much I annoy the fuck out of them for how ever many years before they fell just wildly and haplessly, and helplessly in love with me. You're welcome. I understand, because sometimes I trigger myself as well, for sure. Sometimes when I watch my own replays, and I really was in full performer mode, sometimes I smack talk myself. But in a total self love way, because I do love and accept myself. I really just nailed that shit last year, actually. After much work prior to that. So, sometimes though, I do smack talk myself. Sometimes I'm like, "Really? Like you really think that that was a smart move? Look at you. Who do you think you are?" But then I think what's happening is it's the performer within the performer, because I think when I'm smack talking myself, that actually what I'm doing is I'm kind of simultaneously playing several Seinfeld-esque type roles at one. So, kind of the voice of me that's smack talking the other version of me who was already on the live stream, that one is that new one who is doing the smack talking, is now quite impressed with her own hilarity and wittiness, and so she's becoming the performer, smack talking the other one. So, then I get super clever at telling my own previous self off. It's kind of confusing, but if you think about it, it's very logical and entirely normal, I'm sure. But anyway, I do. I'll watch my own live stream replays probably half the time, because I have no idea what I fucking said, and then I like to see the comments coming in and what people had to say that I was missing. And it's not uncommon that I'll just be like, "Oh my God, I can't even look at this. This is so embarrassing to look at." Or it's annoying. There's been times for sure, many times, where I'm like, "Would you just shut up? Why are you talking so much? Can you ever possibly get to the point?" Or if it pops on to my screen and starts talking, I'm like, "My God, she's so annoying. She just keeps talking, and talking, and talking." But I say it all with a smile, because I just still also do love it. And I accept it. And I just either way, and nevermind, I keep on allowing it out. So, there you have it. I think that's everything I came here to say. I'm not remote ... Oh my God. I've only had this one glass of wine, because I didn't even drink the wine at dinner, and I've already forgotten how to talk. I'm not ... What's happening? Told you it was topsy turvy day. I'm not remotely impressed with my own ... No, with Facebook's inability to show me the comments on my phone. It's kind of annoying having to look over here all the time. So, the driven by the burn thing was simply, it is exciting to feel the pain, I think, right? I don't know. I get off on it. Not in a sexual way. Sorry, if anybody was hoping that. Nope. Not actually. In a life way, for sure. I find it exciting and fun, and definitely there's some ego in there for sure, I would say, about being able to take it, and enjoy it, and thrive on it, and I feel very self satisfied that I know that I'm getting stronger in situations where other people would flake out, or run away, and do exactly that, and I see them do that, right? So, I feel satisfied with myself when I do like a six to eight hour session at the tattoo studio. I feel glad it's over, but I feel like I became stronger, and I feel proud of myself. And same with many situations in business and life. Many things that I've persevered through, which I just know other people wouldn't. And then I feel really good about myself. And this particular little minor situation today, which was sort of being relatively easy. I was gonna say so easy to brush aside and forget about as well, because it wasn't anything that's really even remotely connected to my world, but then it's so easy ... sort of so easy to brush aside, because really, things do keep circling back if we brush them aside when they kind of knocked on the door for a reason. And instead, I allowed myself to feel it, and allowed myself to feel the discomfort, and to feel that trigger feeling, and to feel kind of that slight annoyance, or whatever it was, and really it's all fear. If we're being triggered by something and we're feeling discomfort or annoyance, or frustration, or whatever it is, being disheartened, it's actually all fear. It's actually all ... it all boils down in the end to some sort of version of maybe I'm not good enough, maybe I couldn't do that, or be like that, or show up like that, or whatever it might be, right? I think even when we're ... Even Jamie said, she was triggered by someone's face. Where in there is there sometimes around how somebody else is showing up? And how you wanna show up, right? Just for example. So, for me, I find it really helpful and I think it was a good choice, to allow myself to then feel all of those feelings, and then to be like, "Oh, this is so good", because just like when I feel all the feelings of the tattoo work, it allows me to grow stronger, because I increase my ability to withstand that so called pain, I guess. Or I realise that it's not as painful as I thought, so I change my perceptions, I adapt, I do all these amazing things altogether. It was kind of the same thing, right? I changed my perceptions, I adapt, I felt myself grow stronger, I felt myself grow more grounded in who I was, and so instead of something that was like a burn or a pain, or a discomfort, being that, and being a supposed bad thing or a negative thing, it became a positive thing, and it became something that was exciting, and that I genuinely felt grateful for that opportunity through the day to kind of heal or shift sometimes inside of myself, and become even more connected to my own self, my own soul, my own truth about who I am and how I get to show up in the world, right? And I just think man, we have all these continual opportunities through the day and through, well, every day, and every week, and every month, and just day in and day out, to grown and to become stronger, better humans, more powerful entrepreneurs, more centred, more soul connected, et cetera. And if you allow each of those opportunities to be what they are meant to be, and what they came here to be, you become this ... Honestly, you just become an unstoppable success machine. Which I believe is how it's meant to be. I feel that that is meant to be the human experience, right? So, I don't think that my, I guess, mindset, which is something that I've cultivated to a strong level, or however you wanna term it, for many years now. I don't think that it's anything special in a sense that it's not ... it is special, and it's special to me, and it's unique, and unique to me as well, but it's available for everybody, right? Yet when I go on occasion into environments with people who are not, I'm gonna say, as committed to their growth work as myself, or my clients, or my friends, actually it tends to shock me because it's quite rare for me to really connect in a deep way, or spend an extended period of time with people who don't kind of think and grow all day, every day. And continually up-level themselves. So, obviously I would go out in the evening to places socially, or restaurants, or the beach, or an airport, or wherever. Clearly I'm around people all the time, but I would say that it's rare to be in a situation where you really hear a lot from people who are not like us, right? I don't know if you relate to this. But it's happened to me once or twice recently, and I found it quite shocking. Like eye opening, and almost like wow, I think I've become super naïve about how the world works. I think I've forgotten how little growth work the vast majority of people do, and how rare it is to actually continually up-level every single day, which is what I do, what my clients do, what my friends do. And I honestly think that 24 hours a day I'm doing mindset work and I'm up-leveling and growing. It's just become automatic, right? So, for us, if you relate, for us then every single thing that comes along, becomes a growth opportunity and a healing opportunity, and I know with my friends and with my clients, and it's like a continual conversation every day, where it's like oh my God, this happened, and I felt this way, and it was like ugh, and then it's like hmm, and what I realised is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? Even random shit, like little road rage, right? I don't even mean something major, or maybe running late, or okay. I'll give you an example. Last week, I was kind of snarky with the new babysitter who came along. A babysitter that I hired from an agency, and she ended up being like 20 minutes late, and I was going to a movie with my sister. And I was like, "I'm gonna miss the start of the movie." She's like ... Oh no, she was 30 minutes late by the time she got here upstairs. I kind of, I was [restrainededly 00:46:57] polite, but I kind of deliberately made my voice in a way where I showed that I was annoyed. And I knew that I was deliberately, I wanted her to know that I was annoyed at her, right? So, I was kind of being understanding, but in a snooty snort of a way. And then when I left, I felt bad about it, and I kind of ... I was really nice to her right before I left, and I sort of tried to smooth over what I felt was my own bad attitude. And now, this is an example, right? Because then I left, and so I spent the drive to the movie theatre kind of going over it in my head, and then as I walk through the car park, I audio my friend. I'm like, "Right. So, here's what happened. Do you feel that I was in a state of ego? Or do you feel that it's fair enough for me to show my boundaries, and show what's acceptable to me when somebody's late? But then again, here's why I would be compassionate to her understanding of her being late, because of whatever such and such reason that I was giving her kind of like an out for being late." She wasn't just randomly late. There was like a whole confusion thing that had happened. But it ended up being probably by the time I'd gone back and forth on audios with my friend about this, and then I spoke with my sister about it as well, while we had dinner, or while we had a drink or whatever. It ended up being probably 30 minutes of an analysis around this situation, which was not like fucking naval gazing, right? It was healing and correcting and understanding something like was I in ego? Or this is a trait that I didn't really feel that was attractive in myself, and then I was like, "Hmm, I notice that I do that from time to time." I used to do it a lot. I've shifted it massively, but let's say that you wait for ages in a queue, and then you get to the front of the queue, and you just kind of deliberately want that person in the checkout, the checkout person, to know that you're shitty about it, right? And that this is not okay, and I'm important, and I shouldn't have had to wait. It's a very common thing that you see people do all the time. I very rarely do it at all anymore, but I definitely used to, and I see it a lot. I see it with people boarding planes, is another one. If there's been some sort of hold up, and so then I talked about that, and I kind of processed it, and I'm like, "Hmm, do I still do that? Because it's definitely not a trait that I desire to keep in myself if I do that." And it was just kind of this whole thing, and then it brought up something in my friend. And so then we spoke about that, and I don't know if it was that situation, or some other sort of similar, pretty low key situation, but recently I found myself saying to someone, "You know, this is not normal that people don't have hiccups in their day, or just random little disruptions or triggers, or they feel a bit bad about their own behaviour, and then they're not sure whether or not they should feel bad about it", or whatever. But they don't then go an have an audio conversation with a friend about it, and turn it into a high level consciousness conversation. And then have all these breakthroughs and a-has and then connect it into some other part of their life, and then have a massive fucking revolution about something huge because you pulled at that one little string. That's not what people do. But that's what we do all day, every day. Every burn, every pain, every discomfort, every disruption, every little trigger gets turned into growth. And so, what I've found is that just through the process of being this person, that over the years, it's become, for a while now, a long time now I would say, like all day every day mindset work. Everything is continually shifting and growing, and evolving, and the smallest things get to become kind of little threads that can be pulled on, and undo the biggest things. And sometimes it feels, I guess, kind of relentless or exhausting, or sometimes you just think, "Man, can I ever just move on and not analyse or seek to understand every single thing that comes along?" But it's not really about that. It's about being so committed to growth. Allison says, "That's the exact sort of friendships I want for me now." Well, I feel that you'll totally create that and call that in through Rich Hot Empire. And that's why I created the inner circle for as well. Not specifically continual shifting and up-leveling and analysis of little day to day situations, but that sort of environment, right? Like a women's circle, or it's like women, men, whatever. But a circle of like-minded individuals who are connected by ... well, a like-minded desire, right? To continually grow and evolve. 100% of my friendships are like that now. I just can't even imagine a friendship that would be different. Yes, it's about sometimes just hanging out and being silly, and having fun, or whatever. Or just sometimes it's just kind of sharing what's going on, and connecting in that way. But honestly, every single thing that causes any, either of us, whoever's in the relationship, any sort of disruption or feeling of, "Oh, I don't feel quite in alignment now", or I feel like maybe that wasn't the best choice, or was I coming from this place? And what do you think? It's just continual discussion and continual evolution and growth. So then, and that's exactly how it is in the inner circle, and there's a few inner circle people in here so you know this, right? But with all of my clients as well, in Rich Hot Empire, which you're in obviously Allison, it's a version of that. Julie says, "It's 24/7, even when I look like I'm doing nothing, I'm doing everything." Exactly. Right? Like I could be standing, waiting for something at the post office, or ... I usually wouldn't do that, so I'd send Serafina. But if I was, right? Or wherever I am, at a store or something, or pumping gas, or I don't know, getting changed in the gym, and you just continually kind of creating your life in your mind. And then on occasion, you go into an environment with normal people, not just okay, passing through the airport or whatever. But where you're actually listening to people who are not like that, and hearing how they do life, and I do find it really shocking. Honestly, I do. I find it kind of like that, is how I feel. I kind of feel like, oh my God. How do you even live? And I guess I logically know that the way we think and do life is so different, but maybe I didn't realise it's so different, because I think you just adapt to, of course I'm gonna turn everything into an exercise and a lesson around alignment. What else would I do, right? Of course every single thing that occurs or happens in my life is monetizable, if I want it to be, right? I don't take every single tiny thing in my life and turn it into content, or turn it into money, but a pretty good percentage. Of course, every random story, whether it's a funny story, or a silly story, or a an up-level story, whatever, of course that can be content. And money as well, right? So, I don't know, it's just ... I just think I'm so fucking happy to be the person that I am, and I'm so fucking happy to have created a community around me of like-minded individuals as well, because I think it would sound crazy if you were trying to explain this stuff to anybody else out there. And of course, that's that's why many entrepreneurs end up alone. Hello, Sally. Hello, Kyra. I see you jumping on. Jamie says, "This reminds me of the beginning of our call on Tuesday." I'm in such a rambly mode. The live stream on Facebook, on my laptop computer over here says that only three people have been reached so far, from this live stream. I feel that that's quite a bunch of lies, actually. Because there's definitely like 28 people who are on right now live and there's been tonnes more before. So, my inner circle, if you don't know ... Okay, that silver cushion was not supposed to be on screen. That was not part of my visuals that I decided. I wanted it behind my back. Let's fix that up. The inner circle is open, by the way, which is my private client, 12 month ongoing one on one mentoring. I have been actively promoting that for two days now, and I've had some amazing badass people reaching out about that. And starting to say yes as well. So, this is a really, really exciting time for me, because my inner circle is ... well, it's my most inner circle. My innermost circle, and it's exciting to really put some focused attention into the growth of the inner circle, for this current time. And just watch the badassery rise. It is completely unlimited one on one access to me. It is the hottest and most badass mastermind in the world. Created by me, for driven entrepreneurs, creators, the crazy ones who just want more. And it's really the kind of thing to have an individual conversation about. So, there's not a whole lot more that I'm gonna say about it right now. If you'd like to know what it's like to mentor with me at the highest one on one level, then the best thing to do is ... Actually, you can click on the cover photo, I think. Let me just double check. You can go on the cover photo of this page, or my personal page, yeah. And if you click on that, there's a little overview description. I'll even put a version of it here into a comment here. But really, you're just gonna message me, okay? You're just gonna send me a private message on my personal Facebook is best. Not this one ideally. I'm live streaming from my business page right now. But I do take messages on the business page, I just prefer them on the personal page. I prefer to have my personal conversations on my personal page. Send me a message if you'd like to know more about the inner circle. I will send you a written overview that explains what it's about and how it all works, and what you get. Largely, you get being in my energy. You get me, you get coming into that space and that environment. You also get a tonne of other things, including amazing retreats and the next one is coming up in July. And then there's a video, or a couple videos even, where I talk about it more, and some other things that you can look at. But you can send me a message about it, and I'll get you all the details. So, I wanted to tell you about that. Here's a small written overview. I'm popping it into the comment now. I really like the way this set looks actually, on my computer by the way. I should sit here on this couch more often. I've got so many cool bling-bling couches in this house. I've got two more really bling-bling couches way over there. So, right here behind this phone screen in my kitchen, and this is the studio, as you know. The throne's right there. And then, through the other room is a massive lounge. The big lounge. The main lounge, downstairs lounge. That has two hot as fuck couches on it. And this massive big painting that's over there, is supposed to sit above one of them, and I'm not sure why it's not up there. And then there's another whole lounge room upstairs which nobody ever uses at all. Lounge room, living room, whatever it is. Anyway. I have the low down on all my living areas. And now you have the low down on the inner circle. It's in the page comment there. That's a small low down. If you want the whole low overview, you gotta message me about that. All right. I could ramble on and on all evening. Do I have anything else to say? Do you have anything else you'd like me to say? Tell me something interesting. Everything gets to be turned into a story about alignment. Everything gets to be turned into growth. That's really what driven by the burn meant, when I divinely had that title for a live stream given to me, whilst in the bathroom. It was really just that everything gets to be turned into growth, and that I think if you embrace the discomfort or even pain, and you see it as purposeful, which it absolutely is and can be, then it becomes exciting. And that, to me, is kind of not even about the outcomes, right? Because the outcome of shifting through discomfort and pain, and triggers, or whatever it is, the outcome is actually like fucking abundance and the ability to receive. The outcome can be phenomenal, right? And absolutely will be, and it will connect into all areas, but for me, what's probably more exciting than that, to be honest, what I'm really driven by is not the outcome of getting through a period of growth, or discomfort, or pain, or whatever it might be. It's actually the feeling that I get from being in that moment, right? Where I'm experiencing the so-called pain, and I'm like, "Oh my God", and I'm okay with it. I'm not only okay with it, but I've actually found a way to thrive on it, and to enjoy it. You know, it could sound a little bit masochistic? Or sadistic? Which ones the one that's to yourself? I don't know. I'm not up with my pain words, even though I'm driven by pain, or driven by purposeful pain. Right? So, it sounds a little bit like that. It sounds a little bit like ... trying to get off on pain for no reason, or something like that. I'm waiting to see if somebody tells me what word it is here in the comments. But it's not that. It's abour realising that these things generally are sent to serve us, and for us to grow, and that it's actually only positive. You know, I think that we could really reframe the concept of pain and discomfort, and struggle, and realise that it's not a bad thing. It's not something to be scared of. No, it doesn't mean that it's gonna suddenly feel comfortable, or that if something feels painful that it will all of a sudden not feel painful. It's about realising that pain, purposeful pain ... it hurts, but then it feels better than what it hurts, right? It hurts so good. And I genuinely believe that. So, you can be feeling the pain and you're in the pain, but you're like, it's so good. It's doing me so much good, right? Same as working out. It's a really obvious example of that. Like, oh my God, I'm loving that I'm feeling this so much. Like oh my God. Fuck, I can't keep going, but it's so good. It hurts so good. And you know that you're growing, and you know that you're becoming stronger. So, to me that's what it's all about, and frankly I'm really not interested in working with, or even collaborating, or communicating with anybody who would think that pain is something to be avoided, or that struggle is something to be avoided, or the discomfort is something to be avoided. To me, that's some of the most exciting stuff in the world. It's where you really have the opportunity to experience what it really means to be human. To experience growth, and to experience the incredible rush and the incredible power that does come from overcoming adversity, or looking I guess, your inner demons, or your inner insecurities in the eye, and pushing on regardless, on the path of alignment. And I think maybe the final thing I wanna leave you with ... Alignment itself is such an interesting term that I feel like very few people understand. Alignment doesn't mean you're bouncing around on a fucking marshmallow cloud with unicorns, sitting by your side, and everything's la. Alignment is continual growth, right? And in fact, we're never fully in alignment. We're always slightly off course, and just adjusting, adjusting, adjusting, kind of like how a plane is never exactly on target for reaching it's destination, but then it does. It ultimately reach there, because it's continually aligning to the destination. So, that's one thing about alignment. But also, the process of alignment itself is one that inherently contains and includes discomfort, and scary times, or confronting times. Or things that are thrown up at us to kind of test us and to help us to become stronger, and to help us become better equipped for the journey ahead, right? If you wanna create an amazing life, and you wanna forge ahead with all of the things that you have inside of you, you're going to need to have certain skills for that. You're going to need to be a person different to the other people out there. You're going to need to be able to handle, or endure, or overcome, but I believe also thrive on things that other people would run from. And it really is a topic that I feel so passionately about, because I think that what actual pain is, in the sense of how most people would define the word pain, like what actually would fucking be painful is living your life in a way where you're not willing to face into adversity, or to face into discomfort, or to face into that growth because oh, it's gonna hurt. Or it's gonna feel uncomfortable, so no, I'll stay over here and stay in the safe zone. Or stay in the comfort zone, or whatever it is. And then okay, look how that life ends up turning out. That looks fucking painful to me. That looks painful in the sense of what people think pain is. Actual pain, what I really believe pain is, in the way we've been talking about it, is so exciting, and it's so fulfilling, and it's so rewarding, and it's just like yeah, I'm doing this thing. I'm really in this life thing, and I'm fucking doing it. So, there you go. I'm gonna go and get more up in my life thing right now, which sounds really weird. I don't even know what it means, but I'm gonna go find something else that I'm gonna go do now, so thank you so much for being here. I feel like it was extra rambly for sure. I'm not sure if it was the change of scenery, or the jacket, or the wine, or the weird experience with the ribs. But whatever it was, it turned out exactly as it was meant to be, because it's always perfect. Everything is always perfect. And as it's meant to be. Which is another reminder when these things come along. Okay. Thanks for watching. Thanks for watching, replay if you're in replay. Let me know if you are. Leave me a comment. I always like to look through my comments afterwards, so say something to me, let me know did this impact you? Did it give you something? Share with me what that was. Have an amazing, amazing rest of the day. I hope you get served up some really good fucking purposeful pain. Some massive triggers that are gonna piss you right off, and then you can sort that shit out, then you're gonna become stronger, and you're gonna join me as a freaking Adidas warrior. And tell me all about it. And if you wanna join me in my inner circle, the most ... the most? The hottest and most badass mastermind in the world for creators, entrepreneurs, crazy ones, message me about mentoring with me one on one in my inner most inner circle. I will send you all the details. Message me on my personal page. Don't forget. Life is now, press play. Bye.

Where I'm going as a gaming guy.

Hey, hey. Welcome to the live stream. Okay, small problem. That's not the problem. This hair's definitely a problem. Its become a kind of terrible balayage situation. Don't worry. The amazing Hailey will fix it on Tuesday. I will look blonde and fabulous again. Hmm, here's my problem. It's what is commonly referred to as a cushion problem, meaning I have not enough cushions. One second. I definitely have enough lights. You should see the lighting situation here. I'm like the princess and the pea. Hi Liora, hi Melissa, hi Anna. Look at my situation. Hang on. Can you see all these cushions? There's like four of them there now. I must sit on mini cushions. Bop. No need to manifest the perverts in, Branden Marshall, Lily Lucia, hi. Hi, Susan, hey Anna Shelley. Who else is there? Hi, Debbie. Hi to all the queens who are here with me on the live stream. And, so far, one king that ... Okay, there's another one. Hey, Trent. Yeah, it's in the middle. I wanted it bottom right. Calling Bronwen Kelly, Bronwen Kelly to the live stream. Why is my banner in the middle? I don't know, I just like to mess with people, you know. Not even on purpose, it just seems to happen. It seems to be part of my nature. I nearly didn't go live, because apparently, according to my daughter, my eyes look scary. There they are. She said my eyeliner's terrible. I said, I'm channelling Kelly Renny, which is a compliment, by the way. The thing is, though, I'm having some bizarre allergic reaction right now, and my eyes are ... Okay, I'm going to give myself permission to pick bits of myself apart, and I might be making it up in my head, or maybe you're just agreeing with me, and you're like, look at those squinty little eyes. My eyes feel super squinty and little right now. Are they? Are they squinty and little right now? Can you tell me? Because, I don't know if I'm imagining it, or if they are. But, they feel tiny in my head. Like disgusting little pea eyes, and my face is puffy and a bit swollen and I'm having an allergic reaction to something and I'm shaky. I look hot. Well, that's because of all the lighting. There's an entire studio of lighting on me right now. Thank you for saying ... I carefully chose everything, you guys. I put my warning, I don't really care, T-shirt on, because I feel like that could be relevant to what we're going to talk about. I enhanced my breasts with my mind, which just means posture. Then we have pinkness here and ocean there. So, I thought about every part of it. But I still need a [inaudible 00:03:19] because I feel weird, I'm all shaky in my head, and I'm shaking in my hands. I've got that feeling of, it's a histamine reaction. You know that histamine feeling? I hate it. I'm trying to figure out why I've got it. What was I eating last night on the flight home? I just flew home last night with my children, to Australia. I've only spent 36 hours in Australia in the last three months. I'll be here now for like ... Thank you ... I'll be here now for, I think, 16 days, and then I go back to Bali, and then I'll come back for two weeks. Then, I'll be in America again for a month, from middle of June. We've got my inner circle retreat happening early July in ... Thank you, Trent ... Early July in Los Angeles. If you have been meaning to join me in a circle. Wow, it really is right in the middle of the screen. Okay, that's fine. Then, just message me about the inner circle. I think it was because I, do you think you can have a fucking allergic reaction from a single fig? I get a reaction to foods with histamine in them, so certain wines, but definitely dried fruits, right? I had a dried fig on the plane from my daughter's cheese platter. Surely, that can't be enough for me to have this, I can really feel it. Thank you for saying I look hot, I appreciate it. I receive it, but I feel weird as fuck. I definitely need to get sweaty again. I already worked out, I got to go sweat again. We are gonna do this topic, we're gonna do this conversation. Are you excited for this conversation? The more you be you, the more you get paid to be you. Ah-ha, send me love heart shower if you like it, if you think it's a good topic. Maybe it was cheap wine. Maybe Virgin is serving up the wine with more preservatives in it. Because, if I drink wine with more preservatives in it, I get this reaction for sure, I don't know. I don't know, but what I do know is, after I do this, I'm gonna go to the gym in my building and sweat it out again. Even though, I was just at the gym two hours ago. But, I'm gonna cleanse my system. Cleanse my system of the pea eyes and the puffy face. Whether or not yous guys can see it, I can fucking feel it. Also, I'm gonna eat all the green vegetables. All right, now you're all caught up to speed on what's happening with me. I'm not entirely sure why this banner is right in the middle of the screen, but it's attention getting anyway, so that's never a bad thing. I'm feeling super excited to be in my favourite pink chair. I must admit, I'm not in love with being on the Gold coast, which sounds terrible. I'm super happy to be back, and see some of my bestest friends in the world, like the amazing Kelly Renny, and Matt Miller, and my sister. I could have put her first, couldn't I. Well, she's priority number uno anyway, I'm gonna go see her tonight. My sister just moved her while I was away on the other side of the world, she just moved to where I live, from the other side of the country. I haven't visited her house yet or anything. So, we'll do that tonight. I've been having this conversation with, all right, I'm just side tracking all over the place. Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. Did you guys even give me love heart shower for the topic? Because, I feel like I didn't see it. But, that might be, because I was busy sharing shit over here. Send me more love hearts, because I enjoy to look at them. I did see some flying Katrina's. When is the inner circle meet up? It's gonna be July 11 and 12. I haven't decided the exact venue yet, we are in discussion. Yes, you could have red fern, John, probably preferable than a pink one, but I guess you could have pink if you really wanted to. I like the pink. It looks like a green screen behind me, doesn't it? That's the actual real ocean right there. Oh my God, I've got the funniest little clip on my phone from dinner a few weeks ago, Dallas, of Ryan Steuben explaining the difference between the ocean and the sea. It made no sense at all, but it made all the sense in the world. I definitely should share that later. That just reminded me of that. Hey, hey, Wendy. Somebody said to me yesterday, one of my friends said to me yesterday on an audio, that I blow his mind with some of the simplest stuff I've said, or I guess he asked me a question about when I switched into being ... I want to hear Patrick as Ryan Steuben explaining it, oh, well tag him in there, tag him in, and we can add to the live stream and explain it himself. I wonder if you can add people when you've done it on your Facebook create a page, as opposed to on your personal page. You'd have to tag him and tell him what you need and require though. Otherwise, I'm sure I can make that happen for you at some point in time. I definitely do have him doing an impression of Ryan, but that was in the live stream in the daily [inaudible 00:08:08]. All right. Always spot on to comments. Good, I try to be. What was I saying? Right, so my friend asked me, my friend Ryan, different Ryan. I actually have multiple Ryan friends. Two, just so you know, so no more Ryans can apply, that position is already filled, two is enough. One in Australia, whose basically like my oldest friend int he world, who I've known for nearly 20 years, and then the other one who everybody knows, Ryan Steuben. Many people in our own previous world though. Anyway, he messaged me and asked, when did I switch into being, or what was it that made me switch into being more aggressive Kat. He didn't say it with that emphasis, I just added that myself. It was, because I'd said something to him about, we were talking about can you swear, can you curse in the titles of books on Amazon, or in the books at all. I was like, well, I've definitely got it even in several of the titles of my Amazon books. But, I said, if you look through my earlier year ones it didn't have it all. But, that was because I wasn't really aggressive Kat then, I don't think I was really cursing in my messaging. I was the one who came up with the phrase aggressive Kat. My friends aren't just going around calling me aggressive Kat for the fun of it. Then, he said, a day or two later, must have thought about it, and he was like, "What was it that made you switch into being aggressive Kat?" My answer was really simple, I just looked at him and said ... Hello Terry, hello Tamara, hello Yara, hello everybody jumping on. Victory sign for you, not sure why, just came out that way, must be the fern. I said, I got fed up for not living for what's inside of me. I got fed up with not living for what's inside of me. That was my answer. I was just, you're walking along, you get a message on what's up, or whatever, and you just quickly answer it. But, I tuned in, and I gave, obviously, the real answer, and the correct answer. To me, that was a nothing answer. It was like, eh, I got fed up for not living for what's inside of me. Then, I think I wrote again and I said it was my, fuck this shit moment, right? I remember the fuck this shit moment. I've spoken about ti many times, many times. I think lots of people have a fuck this shit moment, and that was probably my biggest one. Where I was just fed up with myself. The aggression that started to then come out of me through my messaging is still part of my messaging to this day, and cursing a lot, and being like (roar). Well, that's obviously part of who I am, and (roar) and very, very aggressive, legitimately (roar). All right, I'll stop now. Wait, can't promise anything. Hey, Queen Rashida. All right the aggression that started to come through ... It is that kind of day, Molly, for sure ... That was, at first, I honestly think it was, because I was angry at myself. Have you ever felt ... Toby, what are the eyes for? Explain the mysterious eyes. Does that mean you can see all things, and you know all things? What do the eyes mean, we need to hear? Give a love heart shower you guys, or some flying creep Katrina's, which you use your stickers for, if you have ever felt so fed up with your own self not speaking your truth. I have a gentle soul. This is true, Gillian [inaudible 00:11:18], I am sending you all the love. Am I even saying your last name correctly? Do I even know how to say my own inner circle client's last name? Gillian put an amazing post up yesterday, about how she's building her million dollar business, and the energetic shifts that have happened since she began working with me in the inner circle, which was only about four or five weeks ago. I remember you messaged me, okay, don't worry, don't worry, well get back onto the point of the point. You make a creepy Katrina reaction ... This is about the weirdest question I've ever received. You make a creepy Katrina reaction by, you press the sticker thing that's just to the inside of the emoji list. Something like that, I don't know, somebody explain it. Figure it out amongst yourselves. Gillian messaged me, I was in the coffee line at the frigging Disney resort. My creative control manager, Bronwen Kelly, made me the creepy Katrina's. She's also the one who made me the Katrina Ruth Show banner. They're not supposed to be creepy. What are these? Oh, does it say press play? What's happening? Does it say 1%, can somebody screen shot this, my mind is expanding right now, you guys. These are all new. There's little pink 1% signs coming up. Keep them coming, just keep sending them. Be trigger happy on the button. I want all your fingers wearing out, just like push, push, push, just keep pressing play on that button. There's a flying Katrina, there's another one. I don't like that one with her back to me. I don't care for that. Branden, get on your phone right now. No playing with the emojis without prior supervision or permission. I'm so not, I'm high on life, I'm high on the throne, 1%, amazing. Amazing. All right, let's go back to Gillian, and then let's go back to the topic after that, because we're getting to the topic. I feel that I'm doing a fabulous live demonstration of how to be yourself anyway. We're getting somewhere with that. I'll sell you, you got to be ... Thank you, Lily, I try to be hilarious. Send some laughing emojis, because they're my favourites, they really are. I like to be in my entertainer mode. You know we're [inaudible 00:13:26] starting this week. I've got to start now, before I go all shenanigans, and it's my six week one-on-one. Message me please, if you've been thinking about working with me one-on-one. I would love to give you all the detail, and the uber view, everything, understanding, and talk with you about whether it's for you. Gillian started, so just message me on my personal page, preferably please. Oh my God, the 1% sign, it's the best thing I've ever seen. Best. Actually, one of the best things that I've ever seen is, my Instagram finally lets me use different font on the stories now, believer, first thing's first, gonna say what I want duh-duh, gonna say all the words inside my head. Shall we sing it for a little bit. I think so, Bronwen Kelly, was being informed that the banner is the middle of the screen. The middle, the middle, you understand? I think we're gonna have a small breakout for song, then I'm gonna go back to the Gillian's [inaudible 00:14:23] story, and working with me, and the energetic upgrades and shifts, and haven't your best, biggest month ever without even doing any fucking thing, and vibrational shifts, and making money for being you, and message me about [inaudible 00:14:33], and I will also discuss the conversation that we said we're gonna discus. I'm not quite sure what it was now. Making money being you, we're coming back to that. We're coming back. Everybody breathe, it's under control. We need to listen to this though, just for a moment. Because, I want to do a new about page on my website, and I'm gonna do ... I'm not supposed to tell you guys this, because I think it's the funniest, most hilarious idea that ever existed in the history of time, and I'm giggling, giggling, giggling to myself about doing it. But, now I'm telling you, but only some people will know. But, it's gonna be a mashup of all these different songs. We'll start with this, with the words from this, ready? Facebook, just what's happening, is it not working. No, no, go away YouTube, we don't want you. What is happening? Why? Reload, fuck your reload. This must not be meant to be. Okay, YouTube Believer, Imagine Dragons. You've got to listen to just the start of this song, because actually it's so on point for the topic of conversation. You had a feeling was gonna do something weirdo, but I love the 1% stickers, and I don't mind it being in the middle, because I feel like its attention getting. But, maybe we can see if we can move it down. The whole conversation is about, the more you be you, the more money you make. Is that what we called it, guys? What did we call it, what was the team decision on what this live stream was called? Let's check it out. Then, I'm gonna ... The more you be you, the more you get to be paid to be you. Well, that was obvious, who would need to do a fucking live stream about it? Nobody needs to talk about that, that's just obvious. We established that, we'll just talk about whatever comes up. Gillian messaged me when I was in the coffee line at Disney. I feel like I don't need to tell you that whole story right now anymore. She knew it was time to go all in, in deeper way with what she was doing. She felt that I was the mentor to support her to do that. She joined the inner circle tout suite with very minimal conversation. That's how we do it. Then, do you know it continues to delight me, and to humble me, and awe me, that my clients just shift. It sounds egotistical, I feel a little self conscience to say it, but we've only had two phone calls, I think, in that time, in that four or five weeks. But, we've spoken on messages quite a bit, three reactions. This stupid audio doesn't want to play for me. It's clearly being a little bitch. We've connected back and forth on messages, and audios, and that sort of thing. She's just going up, up, up, up in her energy, and wrote an amazing post about it yesterday. What? It's just freaking stepping into fully being you, and backing yourself, and owning everything that's inside of you. I feel like I would have way more emphasis around that story if I had told it five minutes ago when it was coming through. But, it wasn't coming through then. Don't worry, we're gonna get to this song in a minute. It's only taking me that fucking long in order to get this stupid thing to load. Okay, ready. This is the way, that's gonna be the start of my new about page. It's so good, just wait. (music) First thing's first, gonna say all the words inside my head ... And tired of the way that things have been. Okay, now don't know all the words. Second thing's second, gonna eh-eh. Okay, I'm losing it. Okay, I felt like I could have kept up with the words, and it would have been amazing, and I didn't quite manage to do it. But, he says, first thing's first, I'm gonna tell you ... What did, okay, let me try one more time. First thing's first, I'm gonna say all the words inside my head. I'm fired up, and tiered of the way that things have been. Uh, ooh. I can't do the ooh bit. Second thing's second, don't you tell me what to think, uh-duh-duh-duh, I'm the master of my sea. If that's not the wording to start your about page with, then what is? Let's look up the lyrics, so that we're all clear. Believer, Imagine Dragons lyrics. You know what would be smart of me, if I would have played the version that shows the lyrics on the screen, and you guys would have been like, wow, she's so on it. First thing's first, I'm a say all the words inside my head. I'm fired up, and tired of the way that things have been. I've got to pee now. It's so good, so good, so good. If you don't listen to Imagine Dragons, I don't even know what you think you're doing with your life, frankly. But, I suppose you're fine. But, you've got to listen to the words of that song, and you've got to listen to Do What it Takes. It's gold, it's gold. If you have a hustle friend in your life, who's an adrenaline lover, who's a badass that just goes all in, and does the damn thing, you should send them this song. They are gonna love you for it. Then, you can send me a gift, P.O. Box 861 Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217. Then, definitely Warrior. Let's hear a little bit of Warrior. Warrior, Imagine Dragons. Are you guys cool with this? Can we just do a little campfire session? Are you guys all right with it? I don't know why I keep getting away with putting songs on my live streams anymore, touch wood. Here's some, okay. I think it's, because Mark Zuckerberg loves me. It's only normal. But, it adds value, why would you not be allowed to do it? I really like what I've heard from Imagine Dragons. You've got to dig deep into Imagine Dragons. You've got to dig all the way. No, go away with the ad, we don't care with the ad. I love this Warrior song, but probably Do What it Takes is the best one you've got to go listen to that. I love this, because they, it talks about how we always knew that we'd be the ones who (music) ... Sweet child you will play and wash the fire away. You always knew you could be the one to work while they all play. Hmm, hmm-hmm. Of all the things that you would change, but it was just a dream. All right, we've got to stop. We better stop, we're gonna get in trouble. Somebody's gonna tag Marky-Mark in. Tag Marky-Mark in, that'd be awesome. Okay, here's the deal, right, my friend said to me, how simple some of the stuff that I say to him is, or how simple the most powerful stuff, I guess, that I say to him is, and how it just blows his mind. Because, it's like, I guess, and then we got into a conversation about it yesterday, and we were both going back and forth, and just discussing the awesomeness of what we both put into the world, obviously, just in a normal fashion. But, talking about how, well, we both have a fitness background, we used to work in the gym together for years. He and his wife are still that's their business, helping moms to get into amazing shape, and doing the inner transformational work around that as well. We were talking about how, people just tend to think and assume that, whether it's in business, whether it's with money making, whether it's with fitness, whether it's with love and relationships. It's the other area that I keep talking about all the time at the moment. People tend to think and assume that it's the really complex stuff that's gonna get the results, right? So, I ... Did somebody just, was there somebody there for a second. Ah Mummy I think I'm imagining things. I think I imagined a small beast. A little curly headed beasty. We're just getting into the freaking sermon. Okay, I'm gonna carry on, because I want to do this, and I'm not gonna be distracted, I will not be. Yes, you're hilarious, now everybody's more interested in you than me. Go, go play, I'm gonna do my sermon. Go. No. All right, people think, and this is what we were talking about. People think that the experts, or the gurus are holding, right. Reserving, and holding a secret from them. It's like, that we've got the real answer, and that if you join the right programme, or if you pay enough money, then you get the secrets, and then you get the answer. Hello. But, to get the amazing results ... I'm laser focused, you guys, laser focused. Hello. To get the amazing results. Hello. Hello. Hello, go, go sing a song in the library. No. Awe, oh, thank you Gillian. Hello, hi-o, hi-o. Yes, if you buy ... Well, people who buy from you, actually this is a good little exercise while I am a little distracted. If you buy from me, and you've bought from me, straight up, tell me what is the reason that you've bought from me? Maybe, sometimes you didn't want to know the content of that particular course, but what's the first answer that comes to mind- Mommy? ... As to why you've bought from me. Hey you, hey you. Hello. Whether it's in an online programme, or as a high level client, in rich on empire, or even in the inner circle with any of my other inner circle bad asses are here. I know Gillian just signed off, and gave a cool little shout out there saying, definitely join. Yeah, so I'd love to know, and it something to think about for you as well. Wendy says the energy. It's a good thing to think about, why do people buy from you. Energy, cool, all right. But, yeah, people tend to, I think we all tend to still assume that there's some sort of magical missing link that we don't know. But, really, in all areas, it's the simple stuff that gets the results, right? My friend had asked me, why did I switch to being more aggressive Kat, and I was like, because I got so sick of not living for what's inside of me. Then, I started to do that, right? Which, was my F this shit moment, basically. Because, I started to do that- Hello. And to fully live for what's inside of me. Things started to blow up. Oh my God, you're literally spurting on me. I see that you're trying to get attention, and you're doing a really good job of it, but mommy's in her A game zone, all right? Connection, energy to level up, wanting to be more badass says Kat, Lilly says wanting to be like me. Which, by the way, also just means, being what's inside of you, right? If anyone resonates with the idea of wanting to be like me in some way, then that's because you see it inside of you. Nothing's happening here at all. There's nothing to laugh about or look at. What was Branden's comment, I want to go back to it? Where is it? I bought, because I want next level energetic shit, and most personal custom tailored help. Yes, trust you says Grace, Aligned discipleship. Christine says energy completely resonated. Whoa, and I wanted to do one of your previous courses [crosstalk ] Go put a movie on. I wasn't lined up to that. Get Alissa to put a movie on for you, and watch out for those cords, honey. Once I do do that, I can't read the rest of that, I'll read it later. Alyssa's whispering to you over there, go put a movie on. Hey, gorgeous, says Mandy. That wasn't a questions, but thank you. Hello, hello. How to get in touch with your inner truth and speak that shit to the world. Resonation, okay, I'm gonna read all these comments later, so thank you so much. Keep putting them in. Then, ask your audience to send feed, by the way. It's definitely a cool thing to ask. Then, you can screen shot it, and put it on your sales page if you wanted to. Bossiest, bossiest boss. Bye, Mommy. I hate you. Oh, lovely. I love you anyway. I hate you. I don't believe you, little monkey. All right, go watch your movie. Well, whose gonna help me? Alyssa Rose Loterzo, that's who. Me. There she is, there's more of them, they're everywhere. But, it's fabulous. He's now upside down on a chair, and now she picking him up, upside down, which seems like a very smart idea for an eight-year-old to pick up a four-year-old by the legs, and then carry him upside down. A certain type of sexy, savage, badass femininity. Man, I want to change that on my profile. Currently it says, Katrina Ruth is a state of mind at the Katrina Ruth Show on my personal profile. Just put it on for him. I'm gonna change it to a certain type of sexy, savage, badass femininity. That's amazing. But, I like the state of mind thing as well. Okay, you broke my sparkly cushion you little monsters. Don't turn my lights off, everyone will see the real me. Because, it's time to press play, and go all in, says Tracy. Lights on? All of them, please, turn them back on. Thank you, on. No, no, no, you can break that, be careful, honey. He turns the lights off, and then just leaves, just leaves. Who raised these children? All right, I've got to turn that light on, you guys, it's gonna mess with my savage, sexy, femininity badassery. Not really, but I still want it on. Awe, now it's dead. It's dying a slow death. He knocked it down. Oh, shit, all right. Okay, here we are. We got through it as a team. Well done, you guys. Sometimes I just let them takeover. Not today, my friends. I've already spent all morning doing shenanigans with them. This is my shenanigan time. My children will not disrupt it. Well, they can disrupt, and I will just carry on as I please. So, when I made that switch to acting and living for what was inside of me, and if you've jumped on late, you missed the singing around the campfire section. You missed, I don't know, whatever else you missed, but mainly, the singing was my favourite piece, to be perfectly honest with you. You should watch the replay, but there was definitely some other gold in there. When I make that switch, and I really was just like, warning, I don't really care anymore. People say I don't give a fuck all the time, which is roughly what this T-shirt says. It says, warning, I don't really care. It doesn't say I don't care anymore. But, at the time, I could have said, warning, I don't really care anymore, and do you know I did not even put this T-shirt on with that wording in mind for this live stream? Mind blown, expanded, expanded, right? When I made that switch to, I don't give a fuck, I'm gonna say what's inside of my head ... First thing's first, I'm a say all the words inside my head. I'm tired up and duh-duh. Yeah, what we did before, that exact song. Oh my God, how on point was this whole live stream you guys? It's all just flowed together. That's when I started making millions of fucking dollars online doing what I love, and having only sold my clients having all the money, even though I didn't even ask them to, and they just come out of nowhere, like Gillian, and they're just like, I'm gonna pay you whatever it is that I have, let me in, let me in, let me in. Then, they expand their results, and have their best month ever, and then they just post about it, and tag you on freaking Facebook, and then tell people about it. You're just like, I was just having a massage and being myself. Seriously, that is exactly how it's done. Can we clip that piece out and caption it? It would have to be fast captions. But, honestly, I'm just like, it just gets better, and better, and easier, and easier, only with my soulmate clients, who just level up like bad asses. I'm gonna say it, from being in my energy space, from being in the vibration of this whole shindig, and the way that I shop, and the way that I put the work in, and the way that I press play, and the way that I kick their ass into alignment, and massive fucking action, and/or whatever it is I need, and I reach into their souls, and I grab them by it, and shake it up, put some cinnamon on top. It's very good for insulin mitigation. Makes it taste good. I'm talking a little louder, because I feel that my children might be trying to kill each other in the other room. Then, I remind them of who they fucking are, and largely the reminder ... Nevermind, they're in the other room ... Largely the reminder for them of who they are is, me being who I am, right? Me steady in my power like a lighthouse. Like a pink queenly lighthouse. I don't have to do anything, the lighthouse is not out therein the freaking ocean trying to pick up sinking sailors. The lighthouse is standing strong on the shore, being a goddamn lighthouse, right? I'm a talking empress, says Wendy. We're gonna assume she means fucking, but we'll go with talking, because it sounds better. At least it's not ducking. We're all so done with ducking face. We're done with it. We're done with it, nobody in the history of time every tried to say, I really ducking want. Maybe they did, no need to prove me wrong, right? If you're a lighthouse whose out there swimming with bedraggled hair, and weird lighthousey arms, and trying to pick up sinking sailors from in the ocean, well, you're acting like a tugboat. Exactly, John, write a children's book about a cute little tugboat, and then make some fucking money on Amazon, don't be a tugboat. If that's what you're doing, okay, Wendy's getting it. She's getting it gradually. I'm laughing, because it's so me. Then, you misunderstood what it means to be a lighthouse, flashlight, work of flesh, revolutionary fucking leader, 1%, within the 1% badass mother fucker, whom people pay just to be in the energy of. So, I think you should think about that, a lot. Then, ask yourself how you're showing up. If we go back, back, back, back, back, back, back in time to that moment when I was just like, I am done with this shit. I'm done with not living for myself. I think, do you think that maybe me being in my own throne has given me some sort of high vibes, because something it coming out of me that I didn't even know was quite in there? Maybe it's the histamines from the dried fruit. Maybe it's I twist my brain, maybe it's do it to my brain a little bit. We go back to that moment. I was just fed up. I was just freaking fed up with myself. I was bored to boredy boredom with my own self. I could not even stand to look at my own self in the mirror. Well, that was more of a self worth issue anyway. But, I was just like, meh. I didn't feel fulfilled, I didn't feel proud of myself, is the word that I'm looking for. I was making money, and I was getting results for my clients, and I was known to a degree. Not to the level I am now, but I had a bit of a following, and a name, I guess. I'd been marketing online, but in the fitness industry for years, and then shifted over. I was doing all right, for sure, but I was annoying myself. Exactly, Andrew, I couldn't even stand the whole internal and external sight of myself. Actually, it did literally play over to other areas, because who knows, amens if you know, that when you're not in alignment with your own self ... Wouldn't it be cool if there was a mirror behind me, like when I do a live stream at the SOS hotel, and you sit at the desk, and they have a mirrored wall behind you. Then, when I do my hand gestures, which just randomly happen, you see all the mirror hands going behind me, and it looks lik octopus arms. By the way, this throne is supremely comfortable. If you ever come and stay with me, you may sit on my throne. We might sit here together, and live stream together. I couldn't stand the sight of myself inside or out. Because, I wasn't in alignment, it was travelling over into other areas. I was probably binge eating, and emotional eating. I was, of course, I was. What kind of probably? No probably about it, I was a freaking mess. Not really. I was still incredibly fucking successful, but I was not in flow. I was annoyed with myself. I couldn't stand the whole inside outside appearance of myself. I just was like, this is just bullshit, the whole thing was bullshit. I knew that I wasn't living for what I believe in. Hi, Lakisha. That I wasn't ... Lakisha sent me a singing birthday message on my birthday last year. Personalised to me, not like a uniform one that she sends to everybody. It was the very first interaction, I believe, we'd ever had, by the way, on the messenger. It was incredible, she's an amazing singer, among some things. Anyway, back to the story. Yes, everything was a mess. It was chaotic as fuck. Chaotic success says, John, exactly that. It's a weird place. I'm happy about all of it. I don't regret any of it. I celebrate every aspect of my journey, because it got me to where I am. But, gosh. I'm so fucking grateful to be where I am now. Yes, the makeup, thank you. Because, my daughter told me that my eyeliner looks terrible today. She was like, "That's not good." I'm so grateful to be where I am, and now I have clients who come on, some who are more stressed out than others when they start with me. But, often times, my clients are like me, three, four, five years ago. Kind of like, befrazzled and bedraggled, and bestressed. Bestressed, why not? I just like living reactively, and their successful, like they might already be making, 10, 20, 30K a month, or even more when they come to see me. But, why they go to at 100K a month, 200K, and beyond, or if they're starting earlier, they're getting that first 10K, 20K, or whatever, I have clients that start at all levels. From complete startup to even already doing over a million dollars. So, we try to impress for everyone, by the way, message me, message me, message me, we're gonna start this week. Six weeks one-on-one, you and me, build your low through to high end empire, so that you too can more than seven figures and beyond doing what you love. We will do all the how, and the strategy, and how to implement it, and bring end game on point, obviously. Message me on Katrina Ruth, not this one, the personal one, right? Why they get those fast results, why my clients get ships. Sometimes, by the way, a word of warning of truth. Sometimes before the shift into fabulousness, flow, and ease, you may indeed go through what is commonly known as being Bali fucked, except it will be Katrinaery fucked, and not in a ... Well, of course, it's in a good way. Nothing sexual about it, just to be perfectly clear. It shouldn't need to be said, but just in case, before the jokes come in. It means energetically, we're gonna put you in the blender, then we're gonna put the blender in the dish washing machine. Then, we're gonna put the dish washing machine in the [inaudible 00:38:15] washing machine, and put it on spin cycle. Then, when you come out, you're gonna go through your rounds, boom-boom-boom. Then, you're gonna get up, and you're gonna be like, oh my fucking God, I let go of all my shit. It was cleansed from me. But, while you're in that initial period, it might feel kind of fucked up, and you'll love it, by the way. But, it could be scary, but you'll love it. But, it might be extremely confronting, and you might lose your shit at me, and at the world, and you'll love it. I'm just letting you know that sometimes is a detox process emotionally, and internally, and spiritually, and hygienically, apparently with all that washing, before the flow occurs. Much like, if you'd been eating fucking shit for 40 years, and then you go on a cleanse, there's gonna be some shit come out, right? We all understand that. This is true in business as well. Don't imagine that it's all thrones, and unicorns, and la te da. Unicorns have pointy heads. You can get the pointy head of the end of the unicorn. You can't see how I'm sitting now, but it just made my posture look amazing. This is my new sitting position. I'm getting a fantastic groyne stretch, it's a great hip opener, and it's made me sit up really straight all of a sudden. I keep saying I'm manifesting bigger breasts, well this is part of it, posture. Plus it's also T minus 31 today. So the, whoops, hang on. Wait, hold up. Thank you, Lily. Sacrad medicine, I'm gonna add that to the other comment. I'm really gonna use that, it's very good. And Lily, you've known me for years, you know me well. Okay, okay, okay, the flow and ease thing. You've got to go through whatever freaking release you've got to go through to get to the flow and ease thing. I think that's obvious. We don't need to talk about several rounds in the ring, spin cycle, washing machine, hair dryer blown at you the whole time. I will give you fabulous wine though, if I happen to meet up with you in the middle of that process. And, I will listen to all your stories of how you got hashtag Katrinaery fucked. Probably shouldn't use that as a hashtag, but it's really the best description. Can somebody give me another description? Because, I use the term Bali fucked all the time. Everybody who knows about Bali, knows about Bali fucked. But, the other day I was on the phone, and he said, Bali fucked, and how good it is or something. I was like, no, no, no. Bali fucked means like, kind of getting fucked over. Like everything that could go wrong, feels like it is going wrong, and you can't even move, and then you're naked on the decking of your pool villa for an entire day in the foetal position. It's happened to me several times. You can't even move. He was like, "Oh, I feel like when you say Bali fucked, you meant like amazing." I'm like, well, that comes after the Bali fucked. But it means fucked up, that's what I mean by Katrinaery fucked. It's a great selling point for working with me. Wouldn't you just love to release all your shit though, and then you get to just mosey around on a throne all day talking about whatever the fuck you want. Then, people seem to want work with you. Isn't it a good example of being more you? I was so boring, I was so professional, and in a terrible way, because I didn't know how to be professional anyway. Because, I never actually was professional, or a professional. It was not interesting, and not professional, but I was trying to be professional, and roughly, my entire system for being a serious and professional business coach, was that I wore a very tight pencil pinstriped skirt, with a very fitted red blouse, and I looked amazing. I looked like a sexy Barbie doll model, who was gonna have sex with you in the office. I really did. But, instead I was a nervous wreck, and a mess on the inside, and having a meltdown, and the sweats basically, and an allergic reaction to my whole life. Not just to a freaking dried fig that I ate on a plane yesterday. It was hard, so hard, allergic to professional, exactly. It would help if knew how to do it, but I don't know. Nobody's professional, that is a true fact of life. Professional lunatic perhaps. Maybe that's what I am. Let me see where I'm gonna pick this story up. What do you feel is important right now? Tell me something. Say something. Because, I've lost several tangents, and I may not ever pick them up again. Okay, I've got something for you. The reason that it works so well, and you've got to think about this. The reason that I've built my business into multi millions is something that is not helpful, but I'll take it anyway. The reason that I've built my business into multi millions, and all the badass people, case in point, theses ones right here, shout out to you, and you, all of you. Especially, the ones who are pressing the 1% button, thank you for that. The reason is, because I truly decided, I don't really care. Okay, that hurt a little bit, a little too much. I didn't give a fuck at all, which means that I give so much of a fuck about my message, and my truth, however, I decided that I would go all in for what was inside of me, even if it never made me another cent. Ah-ha, who's done that, and meant it too? I fucking meant it. I did not try and make money from it. I was just like, fuck all of you all. I'm gonna say whatever I want, and you can all get fucked. That's when I started being super aggressive. Because, I think I was annoyed at myself so much, that I was being aggressive and ranting, sweary, but it was more at me, and even still if I'm particularly shouty, and I can be a little shouty. I think it happened once last year, for example. Then, it's maybe directed at me, mainly, not maybe, mainly, right? Because, I was just done, I was fed up with my own disgustingness. This disgustingness of not living in my truth. It was vial to see, and observe, and behold. Nobody liked it at all. Well, some people pretended to, but they were not the right people anyway. Because, if you were there as a soulmate badass person, you would have been like, look at this, and energetically picking me up. You would have been like, this is disgusting. Well, probably not, because some of you were there then as well. So, thank you, and I love you. I did, I was like you can all get ... I was honestly, I was so, I had to get into a state of aggression to speak my truth. All right, remind me to not throw my arm in the air with an open bottle of water when my laptop is sitting just there. Not a smart idea, perhaps. I had to, I had to, I had to, and I had to make a decision that I really and truly did not care if I never made another cent from it again. And, I meant it, I wasn't just saying it. Don't just say shit on the internet, make shit up on the internet and throw it at the world all you like. But, don't fucking say shit that you don't mean, and a counterpoint to that is, the flip side of it, the other side of the money making coin is, do say the fucking shit that you mean. Don't withhold your message, not in business, not in life, not in love, not with anything. Just say what you're feeling. Yes, it's freaking scary and vulnerable. I think I'm gonna send somebody a message, where I show them a few pages of journaling I did about them. That's gonna be vulnerable. I'm still a little scared. I've been thinking about it for a full day now. Absolutely outrageous, given what I did say in my own code of conduct that I published this morning on Facebook, where I said that I always, always do the action that I'm guided to do straight away. Well, I was partly empowering myself. The truth is sometimes I hesitate, and I don't want to. It's scary, and feel scared. I'm vulnerable. You know I'm gonna do it anyway. Might happen in a day. I don't know why, but why would you wait? Why would I wait? I should do it right now, but I can't. It's on the phone. I already took, I'm obviously committed, because I already took photos on my phone of the journaling pages. But, this is the phone I used, so I have a legitimate excuse to not be able to do it right now. Because, I'm living streaming on the phone, ha ha. Why would I wait two days to, why would you wait two days, or two months, or a fucking lifetime to get your message out into the world? I feel fully entitled to speak and preach about this relevant to business. It's exactly about him [inaudible 00:46:53] word for word. Release from, no it's not a release. It's a statement of facts. It's several pages of facts about my feelings, just in an informative, and helpful, and scary manner. Manifestation, is it manifestation? No, I feel that it's a statement of facts, as they stand about my own feelings. Well, you know that I will, especially now that I've fucking said it here. But, it, but I feel that I'm gonna remain in resistance around it, until tomorrow. I feel like I've already decided that. I feel that you should probably throw something at me, if you were here, but you can't, so ha ha. But, why would I do that, because every time I hesitate ... I can, I'm gonna kick my own ass, and I'm gonna do it hard, right? Now, I need to go in the fucking spin cycle. Because, every time you hesitate, you just like, meh, here's the abundant switch, here's he receiving switch, here's the freaking expansion switch, I'm gonna dial that sucker down. I'm just gonna turn it down. Then, you just like, down on the floor, where nobody can see you, and nobody cares, and you're sort of limp, and boring, and like a faded fake flower. Then, you wonder why the fuck nobody's commenting and liking on your shit, and buying from you on Facebook. How are they gonna see you when you're down there all faded on the floor. I'm just saying, right? Right. Here's what else, you can't screw it up being you. It is not possible, on the floor with one arm up, like hello Facebook, I'm still here, buy something from me. I'm interesting, I promise. If you come down here, I will probably do not much at all, except flounder around on the floor like a fish on the sand. Just kind of like floundering. Looking very unattractive, but I feel like I'm getting more attractive by the moment, because I'm having the best time ever. How are people getting cool cat emojis? Because, they're on their phones pressing the sticker. You press the little sticker on your phone, it's just to the inside of the other emojis. From now on, I want you to only use cat emojis, on the other people's live streams also, please. I'm not sure how to do that, figure it out amongst yourselves. What was I saying? Okay, it's not supposed to be about me. Nevermind me, you don't need to know about what I do or don't do in that particular situation. However, I did say in my journaling in my code this morning, in my code of professional conduct, professional, that I always take the action my soul tells me to take straight away. I don't know why I did that, it just came through. In fact, in fact, indeed, that is true. It is exhausting and disgusting to have one arm in the air. Well, I suppose it'd be more disgusting if you had a really hairy armpit, and you hadn't washed it properly. But, either way, it's disgusting, we all agree. So, you know the whole thing about, for real though. For real, let's just sidestep from my little area of resistance. Let's just step away, let's just pretend that didn't happen. Say whatever you want to say about it, I don't care, kick my ass. Bring it on, just hit me with it. Hit me with some 1% emojis to remind me who I fucking am, and to not live in fear, and you know that I won't, but it might still take me another day. Right, but why? Why would it take me another day? How many more days, weeks, months, lifetimes is it gonna take you to speak your truth? As I was saying, I'm very entitled and credible to speak on the topic of speaking your truth in business, and in money making, and in life, and in the love and romance area I'm getting there, I'm getting there like a freaking mother fucker. I'm speeding up every single day. You know it, I know it, we all know it, so let's all just deal with the fact that soon enough I'll be running a course on that too. In fact, I did already run love and acceptance last year. That was about self love and acceptance. Very powerful, thank you very much, for reminding me about my own course the other day, by the way, when I needed it. Hello. There's no Lego Ninjago. Hmm, then just watch another Lego movie. [inaudible 00:51:02]. Watch Scooby-Doo then. Scooby-Doo, it was not on. I don't know then. Figure it out, man. What are you gonna say? Here. Yeah, I know, you broke my little cushion, it's all right, I'll live with it. So, I did say in my code this morning, and it's true, but I'm still practising my code. I had to write the truth of what I'm stepping into, which I would say I practise pretty freaking on point, and like 100% of the time in my business, and I'm getting there, getting there, I am getting there. I'll laugh at myself, and I'll kick my own ass, or you can kick my ass too. But, you know I'm gonna do it. Kiss, kiss, mommy. He blurted right into my mouth, like right up in there. You know I'm gonna do it, and you know that most people would never do even 1% of speaking or living their truth, right? This is why they don't get paid. Kiss. Don't blurt on me. Plain kisses. Okay, go, and then go watch your movie. That's disgusting, man. [inaudible 00:52:09]. If you already know you're sending [crosstalk]. No, try sending it to ... One more. Are we done? Yes. Good, be on your way, thank you, I appreciate the love. Don't worry, I'm not just constantly sending my children off to watch movies. We did other things already, and we'll do more things later, won't we? We'll go play at Auntie Jessie's house. Are you done? Carry along, pass on by, go back to where you come from. Not this area. I just spit in your ear. Don't spit in my ear. Well, this is exactly my point, right? Oh my goodness, careful. If I come back to the business story, you're right, I will. You know what I'll do, I'll get off the live stream, and then I'll be like, er, fuck off, I hate all of you, I love all of you. Then I'll be like, eh, and I'll go through 25,000 things inside my head, and then I'll do what I always do, and I do, which is press freaking play anyway, and do the damn thing. My rule is very simple in business, and in lie. I've done this many times already. Many times in my personal life. Hi. When I feel called to say something that's scary, or confronting, or vulnerable, or revealing, that I kind of, I type it, I write it out anyway, which I've already done. Then, I sit down, I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, and I put it into message, and then I do this little thing where I just press send, and I just go send, too late. Then, I quickly [crosstalk 00:53:49] leave the area. Because [crosstalk 00:53:53] if you need the computer after you send a message, then the [crosstalk 00:53:57] see you. My rule is that, if you I can't see them, they can't see me. If I shut the computer, they can't see me, and maybe it didn't happen. [crosstalk 00:54:08] this is exactly, okay, I cannot even handle a random question in the middle of all this. [crosstalk 00:54:16]. This is exactly how I did it with business, exactly. Where I just started to say what I really thought, and what I knew that people needed to hear, and then I would press, well, not send ... Well, if it was an email send, but press publish on the post on Facebook, and I would literally feel sick to my stomach, you guys. Just like, I'm going to die of exposure of the soul. Have you ever felt like you were gonna die of exposure of the soul? Can you go and get me a surprise? Can you go and find me a treat? Can you go find mommy a treat? Got it, can you go find me a treat? Can you go get something fabulous for me? Mommy, that's your party hat. Oh, cool, good. That's actually my megaphone. Shout! Watch the cords, be careful of the cords when you're moving around the area. I [crosstalk]. I would say things that were so confronting, and so scary, and I would write them in my blog. Then I would be like, I can't say that, and I still feel that way, by the way. Not as often as I used to, because I've gotten used to it. I'm used to speaking my truth, and living my truth, and getting the frigging results that I do accordingly. But, at first it was like what I'm demonstrating here. Where I'm like, oh, maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, but then I would always do it. I really freaking did it right, and I do still do it in all these things. I'm squirming, and everything, and I'm like maybe tomorrow, because I'm like fear is still guiding me or ruling me, and I'm conscious of that, and so I'll do the damn thing. Then, I'll laugh at myself, like why did you need to take an extra day or two. But, I'm talking like two freaking days, right? How many people here are still not speaking their truth, when you heard me talk about this shit a year ago, two years ago, five years ago, whatever? When your soul has been telling you the whole time, get faster, and faster at speaking and living your truth, and the heavens will be opened onto you. Hopefully not in a Queensland tropical thunderstorm manner, because that shit is scary, right, but the money heaven. The people, to people, to people, your soulmate people will come. Okay, I was just trying to distract you. What is this disgusting, who brought this into my home. It wasn't me, gross. Nutri-Grain bar, it sounds vial. It's Nutri-Grains. Who bought that? Daddy. Right, yeah. When daddy come and stays here when I'm overseas, and he comes and looks after the kids. [crosstalk] Can you get me- I got you another water. Can you go upstairs and get me my favourite book from my bedroom. Which one, what colour is it? Pink. Pink. You're such a good boy, honey. All right. You're such a good boy, Mommy. Thanks honey. All right. Mommy's not a boy. I'm so smart. Just published and ran away, and hid for a day, says Tracy. It is effective. I've done that many times. Many times that I've published the most vulnerable, revealing stuff, I do just press post, and them I'm like, oh shit, I gotta hide from Facebook now for two days. Which, is exactly how I feel when I send a vulnerable message. I'm like, that's it, I'm out, I'm leaving the internet. I am done. I am switching this shit off. Turn the whole internet off, shut the laptop, because then they can's see you, that's only just safe. It's just like freaking safety first people, safety first. Then, eventually you're like, oh, I suppose I should go and look what happened over that. It's only going to serve you. It is only going to serve you to speak your truth. The truth will set you free, and we know this. We know it. However, maybe you speak your truth, and somebody's like, that's too much for me. I can't handle that, they leave out of your life. Maybe you speak your truth, and people on the internet are like, you're a bad person, or you're a bad entrepreneur, or I don't like you, or mean things, that are meaner than that, and you're willing to face up to that basically. Like, are you willing to accept that somebody might not like you, that you might get rejected, you might get "hurt." But, how will you hurt when you're owning your truth, and did you really freaking think you were gonna build a business, or a life, or a relationship that's not based on speaking your truth? Because, how the heck is that shit gonna work out, right? What kind of situation are you imagining you're gonna be living in? It sounds horrible, horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Here's a version that I prepared earlier, horrible. Ooh, a Nutri-Grain bar. Horrible. You're supposed to do it live. Not that. Say horrible into the camera. Horrible. Exactly, you can leave. Thank you for your assistance. Thank you. If you can't accept that, you can't have the success. Correct. But, it's also not true success, is it John, and everybody else? No. No, exactly. It's not success- Listen to me, mine- Give me, it's my sceptre, give it to me, give it. Get your own props, this is mine. My sceptre. Yes, have that riding whip. I don't even know why, fantastic. I don't, and keep the pot out of it, by the way. Pass over the Chanel hip flask, which nobody's ever seen, which my sister is even weirder than me, if you can imagine such a thing [crosstalk 00:59:30]. A funnel? That's red, see if you can find a pink one, honey. I can't. Okay, I love the red one then. Thank you, I'll take it. This is a funnel. Look at this Chanel hip flask that my weird ass sister, Jessa Lewis, made for me. [inaudible 00:59:47]. I don't want that yucky treat. Get me a different treat. I don't like that. [crosstalk 00:59:51] My sister is the business manager in my business. Mommy, I don't know which treat you want. Berries, bring me some berries little boy. That's not a treat. I like to sit on a chair and have berries delivered to me by a miniature man. Yes she does. Mommy, there's no berries. They're in the fridge, go check it out. See if there's anything you want in there. Check it out, duh, duh, duh. Jessica, Jessa Lewis, is the business manager in my business, and she supervises all the ninjas. It's a very- I'm a ninja. ... Enduring task- I'm a ninja. ... That somebody has to do. She decides, she sends me a bunch of props. There some pretty inappropriate stuff on this table right here in front on me. Just random. There's this thing. She said she made me, herself, no you cannot buy Chanel hip flasks, but she made me one. She's committed to her job. You only want soulmate team members in your company/organization, who are committed to the point where they will indeed procure for you, and if need be, create for you, of their own two hands, a Chanel hip flask. I never even, what can we put in here? I never even drink the spirits anyhow? Can you put wine in a hip flask. But why do you have a funnel. So, that you can build an effing funnel. Is this a funnel? I have no idea what that's for. Does it attach to something else, is it for this? It's attached to my head. All right, I don't know. Who doesn't want a Chanel hip flask? What am I gonna put in it? Somebody's in the shower, [crosstalk 01:01:16] somebody's cutting pumpkin. Oh, all those mosquito bites up close, nobody needs to see that. They look beautiful though honey, you look beautiful. No they don't. They're just like Bali battle scars. Can you put that book over there. These things, these things? Sure, let's have some berries. Well, how about we not, thank you. I put two. You could have put them in a small crystal bowl, I suppose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What can I put in the flask? What do you think I should put in it? It's dead. What's happening here, taste one of these berries. No. Taste this. No. Taste taster. Eat this. Taste one of these berries. Eat this. [inaudible 01:01:54]. Alyssa, try one of these berries. I'm eating them, I'm not dying. I taste tested them for you first, but taste test it, and tell me what you think. A key. Good. You like it, I thought it tasted musty, and pusty, and dusty. The one that I ate was sour, and it was good. I love the sour. There's nothing more disgusting than a sweet berry, you guys. I ate sour. It's just vial. It should be illegal. Mommy, your undies on the balcony and about to fall. They're not my undies. That's a random child's underwear that I think, that sounds bad. No, no, no. It's a swimsuit that's obviously flow down from another balcony. What? Well, they're not ours. Bring them in, let's have a look at them. [crosstalk 01:02:40] But, let's check it out. Alyssa, can you help me? In conclusion, I need to go to the gym. We all ready did that, but we'll go again. Should we go to the gym? Should we go to the gym want to go to the gym again. I got them. Oh, get rid of them. Don't touch them, they look gross and disgusting. They're actual real underwear. What? Shut the door, no don't touch somebody else's underwear. Throw them off the balcony. Do not throw them off the balcony. Somebody will see the live stream, we'll get in trouble. They've got some kind of magic system in [crosstalk 01:03:20] this building. I don't want to [inaudible 01:03:22] balcony. Can you shut that door. They've got some kind of [crosstalk 01:03:25] system in this building, where a few ... Are you all right? Go wash your hands. She's probably [crosstalk 01:03:32]. I don't want those on my, on your balcony. I'll get them later. Shut the door for now. Go [crosstalk 01:03:38]. No don't, please don't throw them off, because they always know when you throw something off. I don't know how they know what exact floor and apartment it is, and I'm not talking like 24 hours later when they've reviewed the camera footage. I'm talking like three minutes later there'll be a knock on the door. We're not throwing some toys, lightweight things, nothing dangerous, off the balcony a couple of times. Can you shut the door? Why? Because, I'm getting cold. Okay. What about the raspberries. You don't want your raspberries to be sour though. Take this away, take them small person. I kind of need somebody [crosstalk 01:04:13]. Can you shut the door please, Alyssa? Let's try these. Mommy, I just want to go again. This is fabulous. Mommy, I just want to [inaudible 01:04:22]. No, you can't go out on the balcony without me, it's not proper. Okay, I feel like we're going down a weird ... Are you seriously spitting into the berries, or are you eating straight out of it? These are really good. Okay, I've made many points that are relevant, or not relevant to my main point. But, what if you just let it be freaking easy all the time? I think that was really my whole point. Here's how to let it be easy, and this is where people will just come to you, and they will just pay you. You're like I don't know what they're supposed to pay me. But, you do know. You freaking own it, right? I touched the undies again. Do not touch somebody else's gross undies. I'll have to put you on the spin cycle three times to cleanse you. There's a worm in here. Really? No. Pretty, extra credit. No I'm not. [inaudible 01:05:10]. Don't touch undies. Can I have some vegetables now? Get me the vegetables. Bring me some cucumber. No, no, pick them up, or they'll get dirty. However, I do things for them as well. I don't just order them around. Tell me. Get down from there right now. He wasn't up on the balcony, he was up on the chair. No getting up on chairs on balconies at all, even if it's back from the balcony. All right, okay. I've nothing else to add. I'm done, I'm just done. I've cleansed myself of my entire message. I'm gonna go sweat. I'm gonna go sweat and then, and I need some vegetables. Bring me some carrot sticks girl. Okay. No, carrots disgusting, cucumber, fennel. Okay, can you bring me some carrots, and cucumber, and fennel? Cucumber, fennel, celery, and what was the other one? Snow peas, bring them to me please, forthwith. But, I'm the queen. I already chopped some for you before, now I'm just asking you to bring them back to me. You put raspberries all your face. You look like you've been in a crime. [crosstalk 01:06:21] Thank you, honey. Lovely. I'm the singer. You're the singer, okay, cool. I'm [inaudible 01:06:27]. Is there anything we need to add? Can you bring me the vegetables, I've asked 14 times? I'm serious. I need some vegetables in my body. I need to cleanse that dried ... Throw that in the bin, that looks disgusting. Who would want to eat that? Me. That stuffs gonna shrivel your insides straight away. Who puts cereal into a [inaudible 01:06:47] bar, gross. You're gonna eat it, it looks vial. Show it to the people so they can see the disgustingness of the Nutri-Grain bar. Nobody should be buying this stuff. See, that's like some empty watermelon pieces. That's not what I asked for. But, there's some [crosstalk 01:07:04] isn't it? I want cucumber. No. Can I have some cucumber? No. Hey, guys. Stop that. All right, we're gonna go. Okay, we've got it. We've got it. The message is, be yourself, but be all [crosstalk 01:07:17] of yourself, but be yourself all the time, not just restrictively, or based on when it feels convenient or easy, but that you actually let ... Stop wiping raspberries all over your face ... That you actually let the whole message out, and he's snorting like a piglet now. And, really just go with the flow [crosstalk 01:07:39] It's Saturday afternoon you guys, if you were around at my house right now, this is exactly what would be going on. This is a normal Saturday afternoon behaviour, isn't it? I'm pretty sure it's normal. [crosstalk 01:07:52] You just show that to the world. And, life is now a press dirty. Go wash your little raspberry face. Oh, don't throw the sceptre. If you came and hung around now, we'd probably have some wine as well. [crosstalk 01:08:09] Ew, put that in the bin, I don't want it [crosstalk 01:08:12] Be careful with it, because it's messy. Eat this. No, that feels yucky in my tummy. I don't want t eat that yucky, yucky. It's poopie. Then, if you came around another time, I'm gonna make an important [crosstalk 01:08:24] serious point now. If you came around another time when the kids weren't here. Then, it might not be quite as random, but it

Teacher talk. It was good, then it was bad, now it's good again. Are you confused? We are! We look at teacher talk from four different perspectives - time, aim, language and quality (or TALK for short).Tracy Yu: Hi, everyone, welcome to our podcast.Ross Thorburn: Hi. Something we do a lot on this podcast is...Tracy: Talking. [laughs]Ross: Exactly. Something that teachers are often told not to do is...Tracy: Talking.Ross: Yeah, right. I put teacher talk into YouTube and here are the short clips from the beginnings of three of the videos on the first page of YouTube.[video]James: Hi, I'm James and this week, I have three tips on how to reduce teacher talk time in the classroom.Man 1: What percentage of time do you talk in your class? The typical research shows that we as teachers talk somewhere between 60 and 80 percent of the time. Maybe we need to reduce that.Man 2: In this video, we're going to talk about how to reduce your teacher talk time.Tracy: It's really interesting. Seems the information kind of negative in terms of the teacher talk. Why is that?Ross: The general attitude in the industry a lot of the time is teachers should talk less so students can talk more. There's lots of other people that actually say the opposite. Penny Ur, who you know I'm a big fan of, she in her book "100 Teaching Tips" says that teachers should talk a lot.Our friend Dave Weller, he's got a blog post called Why I love Teacher Talking Time saying that sometimes it's really good for teachers to talk more.Tracy: Instead of discussing three questions, this time we are going to look at...Ross: Four aspects of teacher talk.Tracy: They are...Ross: First one is...Tracy: Time, and then how much time that the teacher should speak in the class. The second one...Ross: ...is the aim. Why are teachers talking? Third...Tracy: ...is language and what language they are using when they are talking. The last one...Ross: ...is the quality of what teachers are actually saying. Is it things that are going to be useful for the students or not.Tracy: They are T‑A‑L‑Q, no?Ross: T‑A‑L‑K.[laughter]Tracy: Kwality. TALK.TALKTracy: The first part is time. Like you mentioned at the very beginning, I think a lot of teachers were told, "Reduce your teacher talk time." What will that mean?Ross: I think before we talk about what it means, we can talk about why people say that. There's a misconception that the less teachers talk, the more students talk and the more students talk, the more students learn. I think that's a massive over‑simplification of what makes a good language class or what leads to language learning.Tracy: Yeah, because sometimes teachers, they do need to talk more. [laughs]Ross: Exactly. I remember, for example, observing classes before and marking teachers down for teacher talk because they didn't talk enough. They needed to explain something more to their students, for example, and they didn't talk enough.Tracy: That's interesting.Ross: I've heard of crazy policies from somewhere you used to work. Did they not have like, they even made a ratio of how much teachers were allowed to talk in some classes to how much students were allowed to talk, which to me is just absolutely nuts? It's crazy.[laughter]Ross: I heard teachers talking about like, "I wasn't allowed to correct a student error because my company won't let me talk more than whatever is 10 percent of the time in class." If you're doing a class that's focused on listening, then I think it's OK if the students aren't talking very much and the teachers' talking most of the time.It probably depends a bit on the level as well. If I was teaching very young learners, I'd probably end up talking a lot more than if I was teaching advanced level adults.Tracy: I think you mentioned a lot why teachers need to talk. Also, on the other hand, when you think about when teacher...Ross: ...need to shut up.[laughter]Tracy: Yeah, don't need to talk that much. For example, we also experience the silence. You see the students struggle in activities or learning process. I think teacher naturally want to facilitate and give a lot of support to the students and then move on to the next stage. That few minutes or few seconds are so precious just to let them to figure out and ask each other, have a discussion.Maybe use a first language and they can clarify the meaning. I think that's really, really important for the learners. Digest information by themselves rather than passively accept the concept from the teacher. Naturally, we are teacher, we want to help people, so we always want to give them more rather than...Ross: Rather than figure it out themselves.Tracy: Yeah. Don't steal that moment from your students. Another thing that I usually suggest to teachers is actually instead of statement, asking questions.Ross: Can you give us an example?Tracy: For example, if I say, "Hey, Ross and Tracy, you did a very good job. Well done. And you used these words correctly and you used these tenses very well, blah blah blah." You can just ask a question.Ross: You would take that and instead, you say, "Oh, guys, what do you think you did a good job of there, how did you manage to complete that activity?"Tracy: Yeah, something like that. You are giving the students more chance to reflect on what they did and how they did it rather than you summarize what you saw.AIMRoss: Let's talk about the aim. Why should teachers talk? What is the aim in teachers' talking in the class? [laughs]Tracy: I think there are some fundamental functions of teacher talk. Number one is giving instruction. The second one is probably clarification.Ross: Explaining?Tracy: Yeah, explaining. What else?Ross: Correcting errors. I think eliciting as well, we mentioned that earlier. Asking questions to get the students to reflect or to say things. Building relationships and building rapport with the students. Little things making jokes, trying to use people's names. All those things help to reduce student anxiety and all that kind of stuff.Especially with young learners, storytelling is a big one. I know Dave Wellers is a big fan of that. I think all those things together are giving students comprehensible input, which is going to help them learn the language.I think I've read Stephen Krashen talk about this, and say that one of the main things that students are paying for or getting out of a language class is someone that's speaking in a specific way that's tailored to them. You are paying for a professional that's really good at changing the way they speak for the students. All those things together should help the students pick up language.Tracy: I also think about how your language help you and the students personalize lesson or the content. For example, we watched a class together the other day. If you remember in the video, the teacher basically went through all the PowerPoints.Ross: Yeah, she was teaching how old are you but didn't actually ever take the time [laughs] to ask the students how old they were.Tracy: Yeah, I think that's a great opportunity to personalize the materials and also make the lesson more engaging relating to the kids. Like how old are you and how old is your mom, how old is your best friend? This kind of thing, and that's definitely necessary teacher talk.Also, a lot of people are actually using PowerPoint. It seems so much information included on the slide. I think that's also indirect teacher talk. Maybe teachers think, "OK, I put everything on the PowerPoint, and I don't say anything, that means I reduce teacher talk time," but actually it's not.Ross: We mentioned there then some good aims for why you might talk, good reasons why you might talk. What are some bad reasons why teachers talk?Tracy: Just repeating themselves?Ross: Yeah, or even repeating the students. Echoing.Tracy: Yeah. I think I have different ideas about echoing. I don't think it's that bad sometimes because especially with younger learners, you probably want to emphasize something, so you have to repeat. I don't think it's all bad. It seems echoing is such a taboo word in teaching, but I don't think it's that bad. Sometimes, you probably want to say something to reinforce some positive behavior.Ross: It does actually sometimes happen in real life. Actually, I can play an example of...this is Axl Rose from Guns n' Roses being interviewed. Check how often the interviewer echoes what Axl Rose says.[video]Jimmy: How old were you when you moved to Hollywood?Axl Rose: I think 19.Jimmy: 19 years old, and you came by yourself?Axl: Yeah, I hitchhiked out here.Jimmy: You hitchhiked, wow. You hitchhiked. How long was it before you guys started making money as a professional musician?Axl: A few years after we got Appetite going.LANGUAGERoss: Let's talk a bit about language. I think it's something that pretty much all new teachers, and certainly I had a very difficult time doing was grading my language, which just means simplifying what you say for the students.Before I went to university, I lived in one fairly small town my whole life. Before I went to university, I don't like I realized what words that I used were words that only me, my family used, words which only me and my friends used, words which are only from that town, words which were just...Scottish.Tracy: Aye. [laughs]Ross: Yes, that's one for yes. Maybe I knew that but for example, word like, messages, like, "Go to get your messages." Where I'm from, that means go and do your shopping, like your weekly shopping.Tracy: Really?Ross: Yeah, or right now you could say, so it's five past 8:00, you could say right now it's the back of 8:00. I remember saying something that to someone at university, "I'll meet you at the back of 8:00," and the person said, "What does that mean?" I was like, "Back of 8:00, like 5 past, 10 past 8:00." They have no idea.That process of learning to grade your language, it's very difficult to pick up quickly.Tracy: Yeah, that's a very, very good point. Actually, I'm doing training, usually we focus on language, and we try not to use difficult words but how do we define difficult words?Even you're teaching in the same foreign country, but different level students and different area they probably exposed to certain topics or things or access to Internet and what they, what they encounter every day is so different. It definitely takes time for people to realize what...Ross: What's easy and what's hard?Tracy: Yeah.KWALITYRoss: Let's talk about the quality. The thing I wanted to bring up here is the idea that students come to class, and you know the classic joke of the student says to the teacher, "Oh sorry, I'm late." Teacher says, "Why are you late?" The student said, "My dog dead today," and the teacher says, "Your dog died today. Now go and sit down." Is it not funny?Tracy: I've never heard that.Ross: It's like the teachers correcting the student instead of responding to them naturally. This idea that you want to respond to the students naturally in the class because that's how people are going to respond to them in the outside world. You don't always have to be in this teacher mode where you are giving instructions or correcting errors. You can respond to them like a real person.TEACHER TALK WRAP UPRoss: Hopefully, that helped as a bit of a model. Instead of saying that teacher talk is good or teacher talk is bad, I think when you come to think about teacher talk, you can look at it in those four different aspects. How long are you talking for, the time? Why you are talking, so what's the Aim? What Language are you using? Finally, is it good Quality or not, so T‑A‑L‑K.Anything else, Tracy, before we finish?Tracy: When we're a little baby and [laughs] we can only handle a small amount of food, but we have maybe more times every day. Maybe I don't know four or five meals per day and when we grow up and we have more food each time.Ross: Fewer meals altogether.Tracy: Yeah, so I'm thinking maybe it's similar to teacher talk. With different group of learners like young learners, you probably want to use teacher talk a little bit...Ross: At a time maybe but more for the adolescent.Tracy: Yeah, with adult learners, maybe each time that they can handle a longer period of time and then try to reduce the number of time that we are using big chunk of teacher talk.Ross: Great. Thanks for listening everyone.Tracy: Thank you, bye‑bye.Ross: Bye.

In Episode 467 I discuss:   *how crazy it is to try and make EVERYONE happy *making mistakes, and cleaning them up *realizing something doesn't work, and fixing it   Listen to the latest Women Wanting More episode on iTunes here.   MORE TIP    Open your journal and write at the top: "Where I'm people pleasing in my life is..."   Next answer this question: what is your people pleasing costing you?   Past Related Episodes for #467   Episode 260: Clean It Up  Episode 320: The Lessons Keep Coming and Coming    Go Shop NOW at the WWM Store {FREE Shipping Special!}    Get your FREE Limited Edition WWM Journal HERE   Grab your copy of The MORE Journal System HERE   Request to be added to the NEW Women Wanting MORE Experience Private FB Group here   Join the NEW Women Wanting More Sisterhood (get your 7 Day FREE Trial-limited spots left)   Follow me on Instagram here   Follow me on Pinterest here   Like the Women Wanting MORE Facebook Page here   Visit my Website here

In Episode 466 I discuss:   *doing all the work necessary, even if you don't feel like it *providing value for money, and not only thinking of money as the end game *growing over time, and living in complete alignment with who you are   Listen to the latest Women Wanting More episode on iTunes here.   MORE TIP    Open your journal make two columns.   On the left column write: "Where I'm at alignment is..."   On the right column write: "Where I'm not in alignment is..."   In the next 24 hours what action can you take based on your insights?   Past Related Episodes for #466   Episode 201: Are You in Alignment?  Episode 227: What a Watch Taught me About Expansio   Go Shop NOW at the WWM Store {FREE Shipping Special!}    Get your FREE Limited Edition WWM Journal HERE   Grab your copy of The MORE Journal System HERE   Request to be added to the NEW Women Wanting MORE Experience Private FB Group here   Join the NEW Women Wanting More Sisterhood (get your 7 Day FREE Trial-limited spots left)   Follow me on Instagram here   Follow me on Pinterest here   Like the Women Wanting MORE Facebook Page here   Visit my Website here

I'll be in LA all week. Where I'm staying the first few days could be sus... --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/moonbeardiedhere/support

Welcome to the Friday show! What's the Friday show? Eh, I don't really know yet. I think it'll be a time for me to talk a little bit more about what's going on in my life at the moment. Where I'm in my personal growth journey along with my personal mental health struggle as well. I may have guests in the future but I do like the idea of it being the opportunity for you guys to get to know me a little bit better. Today on the show I talk about "Not Doing Enough." I struggle so intensely with this feeling of never feeling a sense of accomplishment in life, that I'm always searching for the next thing and sometimes I need to take a step back to look at the things I dismiss as meaningful tasks and allow myself to take stock in those things. Taking care of myself is okay and is a part of the goal. Being process focused isn't as easy as it sounds but I'm going to keep working on it and sharing that journey with you guys! You can hear this episode and more at http://www.dopeamine.life or h --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/dopeamine/message

This is a candid talk on my mental illness and my gender. Where I'm coming from psychically.

Welcome to the Neophyte in the Woods podcast!  What I started as an occasional blog a few years ago about my experiences hunting and fishing and generally learning about and connecting with the outdoors has turned into this: A weekly podcast about those things and more! What you'll learn in this episode: You'll learn more about me! Where I'm from, background about me, how I got interested in hunting and in shooting and why this all matters to me.  I also talk more about my aspirations for the show. If you'd like to come on the show, I'm always interested in talking to folks about the pursuits they're passionate about, so PLEASE don't hesitate to reach out to me!

Dobro, Mandolin, Fiddle, Banjo's, Guitar, Tambourine and Handclaps. Our Bluegrass Gospel Version of The Classic Gospel Song—The Hallelujah Side Lyrics:Johnson Oatman, Jr  Music: J. Howard Entwisle 1898 Public DomainThe 1st to Record “The Hallelujah Side” Was Ernest Stoneman & His Dixie Mountaineers. On September 21, 1926, They Recorded It for Victor. Since Then The Classic Gospel Song Is Been Recorded by The Tinley Quaker City Gospel Singers, Bill Gaither, The Chuck Wagon Gang and, and the Country Gentleman.“The Hallelujah Side”Verse One:Once a sinner far from Jesus....I was perishing with cold....But the blessed Savior heard me when I cried.....Then He threw His arms around me and He led me to His fold....And, I'm living on the hallelujah side....The Chorus:O glory be to Jesus...let the hallelujahs roll....Help me ring the Savior's praises....far and wide.....For I've opened up toward Heaven all the windows of my soul.....And I'm living on the hallelujah side.....Verse Two:Though the world may sweep around me...with her dazzle and her dreams....Yet I envy not her vanities and pride......For my soul looks up to Heaven where the golden sunlight gleams....And, I'm living on the hallelujah side....Verse Three:Not for all earth's golden millions would I leave this precious place....Though the tempter to persuade me oft has tried....For I'm safe in God's pavilion, happy in His love and grace....And, I'm living on the hallelujah side....Verse Four:Here the sun is always shining...here the sky is always bright....Tis no place for gloomy Christians to abide....For my soul is filled with music and my heart with great delight....And, I'm living on the hallelujah side....Verse Five:And upon the streets of glory...when we reach the other shore.....And have safely crossed the Jordan's rolling tide...You will find me shouting "Glory" just outside my mansion door....Where I'm living on the hallelujah side....The Chorus:O glory be to Jesus...let the hallelujahs roll....Help me ring the Savior's praises....far and wide.....For I've opened up toward Heaven all the windows of my soul.....And I'm living on the hallelujah side.....© 2013 Shiloh Worship Music COPY FREELY;This Music is copyrighted to prevent misuse, however,permission is granted for non-commercial copying-Radio play permitted- www.shilohworshipmusic.com

In today's episode we talk about why Robb looks so small next to Art Devany, John Welbourn stops by to give his insights on the recent incident at Iowa, and we answer your questions.  I am going to start including the questions from each episode in the blog post as well as in the show notes to make searching easier. Oh and Happy Birthday to Robb! In The News: 13 Iowa Football players hospitalized after a workout: http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/27/13-iowa-football-players-hospitalized-after-workout/ 1. Question from Brandie: Hi Robb, We are a CrossFit Family, I do it and my 3 sons do CrossFit Kids.  My oldest son, who is 10 years old, has alapecia and I am trying find out if there is anything dietary that we can do to curb the onset.  I know it is a autoImmune disease similar to Crones, but that's about all the information we can get from the doctors since it is not a serious illness.  But it does affect his energy level and behavior when it comes on.  This is his second major outbreak he's had, but has had more frequent lighter episodes. Any direction you could give us would be greatly appreciated. Thank You, Brandi 2. Question from Joel: This isn't a Paleo question, but I've noticed that you have mentioned spending time in Nicaragua on several occasions in the podcast. I am an experienced world traveler, fluent in Spanish, and I have an opportunity to travel to Nicaragua this summer but I would be taking my six year old son with me. I've spent quite a bit of time in high-crime areas such as Rio De Janeiro and though I never had any problems, I probably wouldn't risk bringing my son there at this time. My wife is very worried about the level of crime and infection in Nicaragua.  Is her fear of the unknown justified? What attracts you to Nicaragua? Is it kid-friendly? 3. Question from Gittit: Robb, happy belated birthday and thanks for all the information you so generously put out there! In your "My Training at 39" post you mentioned something about melatonin worsening sleep issues when they are GABA related. I was wondering if you could elaborate on that a bit. Here's my story in a nutshell and why this comment of yours struck a chord: I'm a born night owl and have always had trouble keeping in sync with day and night. I've tried taking melatonin to help fix my sleep, 3-5 mg, but about half the times I take it the result is horribly fragmented sleep. I wake every 2 hours, or wake up after 5 hours and can't fall asleep again. Without melatonin my problem is falling asleep, but once I'm out I sleep deeply for 9 hours. I do keep basic sleep hygiene, sleep in a dark room and drink my last coffee no later than 4 PM. Interestingly my 19-year old brother independently has the same reaction to melatonin and our doctor has never heard of this phenomenon in anyone else. Thank you for any input you may have, and again thanks for all the information peppered with good old tough love. Always looking forward to more. Take care, Gittit from Israel (old student of Ido's, really looking forward to your new project together! Feel free not to broadcast the parentheses =)) 4. Question from Courtnay: Hello Robb and Andy, I know your paths have diverged with our old friend Barry and all his weigh and measure nonsense, however, I still like to loosely structure my  paleo meals around the "blocks" system in order to have an understanding of how much of everything I'm eating.  I like the idea of knowing what to tweak based on how I look, perform and feel.  My question is about measuring protein.  My husband and I have been debating for years whether meat should be weighed before or after cooking.  I think that if you measure it before cooking you are measuring water weight because when you cook it, it weighs a lot less.  My husband thinks that that is wishful thinking.  As much as I realize the relative insignificance of this issue, I would love to settle this debate once and for all.  What do you think...measure before cooking, measure after cooking, or throw the scale out the window? 5. Question from Jaison: Robb and Andy, I am super confused by trying to program my strength training and workouts. There are just so many different programs to chose from. I would like to rotate in a new program in once a month; so one month I will focus on mass gain, then strength gain, fat loss, and athletic performance. It's not that i can't find a thousand different programs, but I know that you will be able to point me in the right direction to the most useful and well researched programming that fits in with eating paleo. Some background: I am 5'9" male, 160lbs, have been 100% paleo for 1 year and have dropped from 224lbs (64lbs lost this year), from 36% bodyfat to 13% with embarrassingly little exercise, although I have been doing p90x for about 3 months now. Been doing Leangains IF for about 2 months now with good results. But it's time to step things up and be specific. my main goal right now is to gain muscle mass, and then get under 8% bodyfat.  I'm just confused as to, well pretty much everything to do with programming for these goals. Love the podcast I have read the book TWICE, you have really changed my life. 6. Question from Kyle: Hi guys, I am a new follower to the podcast, never knew it existed until a resent Hawaii visit. The title is what was said to me by a Natropath recently. It was my 1st bout of Gout (NEVER want to experience again!) 'you eat way too much high purine foods, with the red meat- I suggest a vegetarian diet or eating meat at least 1 or 2 days per week to make it a moderate consumption' I went to the Natropath in order to get some herbal anti-inflammatory medication as opposed to taking your usual NSAID's. After looking up what causes Gout I was fearful that my Paleo diet was a contributing factor. I do eat Lamb, Beef, Kangaroo , not in massive quantities & mixed up throughout the week with wild Salmon & deep sea fish. But I definitely eat it more than 1 or 2 days per week when you consider the amount of meals one has throughout a day. This has all happened within 2weeks. In the week before going to Hawaii, I was eating food which according to 'the blood group diet' Are avoid foods for me eg prawns & chicken. Plus I had some sweetbread in Hawaii. So in a 2 week period I had eaten food that cause it & managed to get it. Also in that week @ Hawaii, if you don't mind the oversharing , my Kidney,s were acting strange... The amount of times I had to urgently pee was ridiculous & way too frequent. So please tell me I can continue eating Paleo, that I don,t have to go vegetarian. Also is it true that I should listen to what the blood group diet suggests... Because with the elimination of chicken, pork, trout, seeds eg sesame, pumpkin I,m kind of left with only 'the meats that I should only have 1or 2 days / week. Oh i am sending this before I have my blood tests as I want to know I can still eat as normal... Paleo style! Thanks guys, looking forward to hearing the response 7. Question from Joshua: Hey Robb and Andy I love the podcast. I currently attend Palmer College of Chiropractic where time to do anything but study is a luxury as we take an average of 30 credit hours a trimester.  Crossfit is becoming an extremely popular thing here at school, which is in no way a bad thing.  I however hate being in the gym and am a big proponent of MovNat, and being out in nature.  I know Robb and Erwan have done lectures and such together which is how I found the website, podcast, ect.  Alot of my friends who are crossfitters are very hesitant to leave the gym and just go outside to play every once in a while.  I was wondering if you had any advice so I can convince these "crossfit cult-ers" as I call them outside and back to nature.  I have nothing against crossfit, I think its great. I just think getting outside has some definite benefits as well.  Oh, and Robb I just listened to the podcast where you talked about feeling more "Randy" and well to each there own but did you at least ask his permission first?  Thanks a ton! 8. Question from Emma: Hi Robb and Andy, I guess everyone begins these things with a spiel about how they've been listening to you from the very beginning, so I might as well follow suit: I've been listening to you from the very beginning. My mom was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in October, and is currently undergoing chemo. I understand you believe this type of cancer to be in the family of auto-immune diseases that can really benefit from  a diligent no-gluten, low-carb policy. Where I'm not clear about is how she should handle the issue of  red meat. Many sources say to avoid the stuff as much as possible, but those are the same people that are also recommending vegetarianism and "healthy" whole grains. My family tries to eat mainly locally raised, grass-fed meat, and my gut feeling is that this should not be problematic to her recovery. However, I'd like something a little more solid than my intuition to make such a judgement in this case. How do you feel about people eating grass-fed red meat, or for that matter any sort of red meat during cancer treatment? Should they limit their intake, or is it not much of a concern? If you could also please cite some sources I would appreciate it. I've tried searching pubmed and google, but to no avail. I mostly come across studies linking red meat consumption to increased risk of cancer, which I already know to be a shady manipulation of variables that doesn't properly represent the entire picture. Thank you so much for your help and insight! 9. Question from Colby: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/8-reasons-carbs-help-you-lose-weight-2442968/ Robb, saw this story on Yahoo front page this morning. I'm sure you've heard about it or will soon, but I just had to comment. Is this article a joke? It seems to make all kinds of wonderful claims, but then does nothing to back them up. How is it that studies and/or articles keep coming out that contradict Paleo, but they cite little to no research? I fear that the ease in which someone can post groundbreaking new diet research, all for a buck, is the biggest opponent that Paleo faces. Especially b/c once these diets/fads are disproved, people then lump every other diet/lifestyle (i.e. Paleo) together and label them a fraud, fad, scam, etc. Just my 2 cents Show Notes - The_Paleo_Solution_Episode_65 Download episode here.

If you want to know Where I'm going? Where I'm going, soon If anybody ask you Where I'm going Where I'm going soon I'm goin' up yonder I'm goin' up yonder I'm goin' up yonder to be with my Lord I can take the pain The heartaches they bring The comfort in knowing I'll soon be gone As God gives me grace I'll run this race Until I see my Savior Face to face I'm goin' up yonder I'm goin' up yonder I'm goin' up yonder To be with my Lord I'm goin' up yonder I'm goin' up yonder I'm goin' up yonder To be with my Lord